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Do you guys ever meet someone, if only for a quick couple minutes, and suddenly become OBSESSIVELY infatuated with them? I met this girl at this party the other night and I can NOT stop thinking about her. They’re not casual, passive thoughts either. I literally wake up thinking about her and stay up, despite being tired and often only sleeping for 3-4 hours. I don’t know if this is BPD related, but I know that this isn’t exactly “healthy” or perhaps normal.",5.3018619582664535,7.307417067415731,6.737110754414124,69.40640449438204,69.3370786516854,8.681219903691815,32.939004815409305,9.23628265651192,3.3720645264847517,385,18,61,8,7,131,67,89,0.049,0.82,0.131,0.7185,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,6,3,2,0,2,22,12,8,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,5,0,1,5,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,9,1,8,9,1,10,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,4,6,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513348071937411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866182976228925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518035010337556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20585142165760767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22533153220758745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22411205535017525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501346547786393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135604067483724,0.22297172079305336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34615671258823905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277358175465484,0.0,0.19282056646944748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425609057047058,0.0,0.1902599373524376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916372157197182,0.0,0.180666325734507,0.0,0.26155992552752466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,IodineSky111,2020/01/01,Anyone else believe they have this disorder from childhood bereavement? My father died when I was a pre teen. Always felt this heavily contributed to my development of bpd,6.303678160919539,9.726683965517244,6.490344827586206,65.74747126436785,71.41379310344827,10.763218390804601,33.804597701149426,10.504223727775694,5.065749425287357,141,7,19,5,3,45,27,29,0.212,0.7879999999999999,0.0,-0.7734,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758758317062724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23182719311583386,0.33971175161002026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735428692728505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175751217514146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440961456332896,0.0,0.3799845720759204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769671519244124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31833961525331483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mellbell14,2020/01/01,"Am I the only one? Am I the only one who can’t bring myself to say things like “I love you too” or “you’re welcome” because it feels like my only form of control sometimes? Like when someone says I love you, or thank you it feels like they are forcing the answer back? Even when I know they aren’t it still feels that way and I literally can’t bring myself to even respond.",0.4752564102564065,2.7216462692307744,2.0105128205128224,96.08448717948721,86.30769230769229,3.97948717948718,18.923076923076927,5.033348758259628,-0.5306769230769229,291,8,64,1,9,94,45,78,0.0,0.711,0.289,0.9734,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,2,1,7,8,0,0,3,0,6,2,0,1,0,9,15,5,0,0,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,1,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,5,14,8,3,15,1,7,0,0,0,2,12,0,0,2,8,45,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154291949135706,0.0,0.1122108925007586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206456649748686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24316064527026005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27922274947053866,0.2630075610147645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011632396871747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35972053009232724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33227117290826713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24946903721516345,0.419993797131531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927689114942281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596681874910914,0.0,0.18205566221769387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470031629492343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947225523365955,0.0,0.0,0.12229177495274475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611079335848345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,femaleking51,2020/01/01,I want this feeling to last I'm happy with how things are right now. I would like it to stay that way. I don't want to feel as if I'm falling deeper and deeper into despair everytime something goes wrong that isn't even that serious. I'm tired of this extrastensial depression. I'm only 16 and I can't even deal with mediocore everyday troubles. Sometimes it feels hopeless but today it doesn't. But I know that won't last for long so I'll try to enjoy it for now. Until I'm happy again.,0.455723981900455,2.8524057941176517,2.393529411764707,91.87703619909504,89.09803921568627,5.099245852187028,20.591251885369534,6.67199483983844,0.4737396681749622,389,13,80,5,13,129,64,102,0.13,0.693,0.177,0.7014,0,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,7,10,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,0,16,18,9,0,4,3,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,0,3,5,4,12,16,0,14,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,1,10,47,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20527684132592044,0.17149580309830956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630246214742139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020326661201706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4239191499757552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942734090975313,0.32460746915370803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727659276327184,0.0,0.0,0.1762088091084414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143446888682538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17004148145017015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328697592657678,0.1969279263460768,0.0,0.0,0.21222804927543365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322818821302474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22885119348504035,0.1887359171214716,0.0,0.0,0.1351847104512701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348841055612525,0.15804669408447442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144421842135574,0.21769889448870536,0.0,0.0 bpd,prodbudddwyer,2020/01/01,"BPD I'm here to learn, I would Google it but I wanna hear it from someone who has it, or at least understands it on a deeper level. What is BPD? How does someone develop it? How does it effect your life? Is there a ""cure""? Ty!",-1.7487499999999976,0.09245495833333807,1.0083333333333364,98.52000000000002,103.58333333333334,4.066666666666666,14.333333333333336,5.985473137389443,-0.7097166666666661,170,4,40,2,8,58,35,48,0.0,0.9,0.1,0.6859999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,3,0,9,7,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,8,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,5,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,29,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6369901694114369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4425961759957116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850155501574937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17861750706516466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4285309288347837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632583019490615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963958609477798,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SynnieSchrantz,2020/01/01,"DAE ever feel like a whirlwind of chaos? I feel like that's one of the only ways to describe myself. Even though I seem put together on the outside, inside I'm constantly spinning and changing. It's pure chaos. Sometimes I can enjoy it, but other times it's so loud and it's like watching a tornado rip the world apart. Except I'm the tornado and there's no stopping the winds.",2.652650375939849,4.761356407894741,4.015338345864663,85.61236842105264,77.02631578947368,6.448120300751881,26.646616541353367,7.447530270364453,1.5541300751879707,301,12,57,4,7,99,51,76,0.127,0.754,0.11900000000000001,-0.1406,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,11,6,6,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,4,4,5,6,0,9,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,7,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27095396609803063,0.0,0.0,0.2767879772855272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16917294018090298,0.2316862904052697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590163302170074,0.3659618713153481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37539984925304176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356184617326326,0.1948001232943836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574836626005688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23317318721894775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533213515675391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141380357879894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516486421569621,0.0,0.14935277888241694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20330586371940468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Gurley78,2020/01/01,"Does it ever get better? Or is BPD a war you fight every day, for the rest of your life? And if you’re lucky you’ll have some friends or family that love you for you. Right now I’m just so overwhelmed, defeated, and hopeless",1.9822340425531912,3.5741918510638304,3.052074468085109,94.10875,77.29787234042553,6.402127659574468,20.26063829787234,7.1686216300943375,0.2338553191489363,175,4,40,2,4,56,40,47,0.20800000000000002,0.55,0.242,0.2727,0,0,0,0,1,1,6.0,0,5,0,2,4,9,2,1,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,9,6,6,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,4,3,5,2,4,0,3,0,1,8,1,0,5,3,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967975053857307,0.0,0.0,0.4226573375108171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164244489260399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936725405223463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035556854611359,0.2827446874643644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163595053234965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592720021919096,0.0,0.17532921953267944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23703348526944026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30287840532665594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865876056756823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,medusa_in_the_mirror,2020/01/01,"Touched by Eilie songs? If thats what she wants than I can relate, but I also feel sad for her. Here comes the song: Everything I wanted. https://youtu.be/5QbFSn4ztvs",3.958448275862069,7.287158551724138,2.699568965517244,88.62107758620691,84.17241379310346,5.658620689655173,17.594827586206893,7.1686216300943375,0.3071999999999999,134,3,24,2,4,38,27,29,0.147,0.853,0.0,-0.631,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,3,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,3,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4082803284194964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4397868078192924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4588423144817497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581454229905399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6022619099061898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,searching_4_seroton9,2020/01/01,"Just exhausted Uuughhh ..... I am so exhausted !!! Every time I meet someone new I tend to fall so fast for the person. Just recently I shared about my illness with a new person I met and they seemed to have taken a step back. To be honest I don't know if they really have taken a step back or is it me overthinking just because I'm feeling abandoned. I don't know. So hard to constantly keep myself distracted and try to think I am worthy of love when the reality is so different. Wish I could turn this emotional switch off. What do you do when you feel like you are overthinking or starting to feel abandoned ? I could really use some tips. A joyous and emotionally balanced new year to everyone. C= 💙",2.4059958289885297,4.823838197080296,4.246866527632953,82.04410583941608,79.43795620437956,8.293847758081336,25.114181438998962,9.04235418022936,2.3616823774765376,551,21,105,15,14,186,85,137,0.10800000000000001,0.7040000000000001,0.188,0.8983,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,2,0,12,9,0,1,6,0,14,4,0,1,0,25,32,12,0,4,6,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,4,0,3,7,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,3,4,18,4,12,26,1,17,0,2,0,1,11,1,0,5,14,71,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23763379363713305,0.0,0.09419439760104714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669820054213681,0.0,0.2467444452628453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144126588121013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34763002747539423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019037226588848,0.14765117120842006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343909588162993,0.11038963429570314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384202154778638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373451170443521,0.0,0.0,0.16984109491223134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754910193690578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394609840220102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4477112270373596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698430676979963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19797986181085933,0.0,0.15257057093680645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406698614374675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092490586619945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937056197306363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901063904724773,0.0,0.0,0.09010227531419653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490942687427714,0.16807417322151785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345629092501884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776912038649244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950627846837982 bpd,collateraldamage007,2020/01/01,"Mindfulness Depressed by the past Anxious for the future Content in the moment Happy",9.456428571428576,11.905063214285715,8.412857142857145,59.682142857142885,59.71428571428571,8.457142857142857,42.57142857142857,8.841846274778883,4.918657142857144,71,4,7,1,1,22,12,14,0.265,0.55,0.185,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5011264569802062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820603825252422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4722060530736947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4478958893376971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4234534850182339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sacredstar2000,2020/01/01,"I shouldn't be disappointed but I am I feel like a fool for being disappointed. Its been months now since my fp left me for good and since then I've been putting all my efforts into recovering and making new friends and trying to move past her. My family suggested I write her a small letter for christmas to let her know I was doing well so I did, I kept it short and simple and only a paragraph and kept it very basic and sent it along with a generic christmas card. Last night I made a post talking about my bpd and my recovery and how far I've come and even though she still follows me she didn't like the post. On one hand I wasn't expecting her to but I guess the other part of me was hoping she'd like it since when she left she told me she'd always love me and I had some hope she'd see it and be proud of me. There was a small part of me hoping she'd reach out when she got the letter to say hi but I know I should have known better. I can't help but miss her even though she was also incredibly toxic towards me and has treated me like trash in the time up towards her cutting me out for good. Part of me wants to block her on everything and delete her from my life but I can't because I still have hope she'll come around one day. I feel like in a way she's still keeping me from being able to fully recover but I can't seem to let go of the hope I have and I feel like a fool.",2.7278500707213595,3.3005316765676582,4.018000942951439,91.95435643564358,73.81848184818482,7.091560584629892,22.34936350777935,7.07126945348624,0.3866650636492226,1090,24,261,10,21,359,142,303,0.049,0.71,0.24100000000000002,0.9963,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,17,25,1,0,13,0,32,3,1,3,1,56,60,29,0,9,6,0,4,6,1,3,1,1,0,0,7,23,0,4,7,0,0,7,6,6,1,2,16,6,58,19,32,31,5,41,0,3,1,1,32,17,0,8,20,181,65,0,0.09208862052234504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364323656101711,0.07662510934017172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197839618620749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05613636833474811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144490134964512,0.0,0.0,0.11598239383290705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586523849925665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059389541935415735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164733069308813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276331421695436,0.0,0.08681295575112158,0.0,0.13968832046865046,0.19736438670401912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114743977986374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052336085225941416,0.15447913155827073,0.07365168228730205,0.0,0.10144599766824132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061725061191318015,0.0,0.0,0.4573238936133798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185259713678691,0.0,0.0,0.10121899502719407,0.07506451663016417,0.0,0.0,0.20010911129039,0.18833370735805147,0.06504491605898878,0.2699390904679402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311357540120788,0.08713647934793625,0.06146986927852281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350425832424856,0.09787562991014888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893976354099661,0.0,0.08641893210598428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480326507634475,0.07003754557941187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991690061654224,0.08790900833318606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639088562905628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257449867261547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323256720595173,0.0,0.0,0.07338270780241754,0.08383402151683668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22852997554089224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22062627391459588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401734492091325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18095320420747896,0.0,0.05369761518364854,0.0,0.0,0.08799462328023508,0.0,0.06252212847886268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598275623146918,0.05431625431796528,0.07309566059817807,0.0,0.0,0.08279872924831289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,polyester_trilobals,2020/01/01,"DAE go through cycles of intense paranoia? In fits of overanalyzing and failing to think logically, I sometimes find myself being totally paranoid about people in my life, the unknown, and people's intentions. For example, I recently started chatting with someone on Reddit about a personal issue. And just today I've become overwhelmingly paranoid the person I'm chatting with on Reddit is, in fact, the person I'm chatting about. The only thing pointing towards this is that they live in the same state. Literally the only thing. No other details they've told me about their personal life match up to my person, and the way they text is no where NEAR how my person communicates, but I can't help with the obsessive thoughts. Anyone have any advice?",6.751428571428567,8.853907338345868,7.075195488721808,68.02572556390982,65.84210526315789,8.929022556390981,35.10451127819549,9.3871,3.7836472180451133,608,29,87,12,10,197,86,133,0.13,0.862,0.009000000000000001,-0.8966,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,3,1,7,3,0,2,9,0,6,2,0,2,2,18,13,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,5,7,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,11,0,22,10,2,18,0,2,0,0,14,12,0,0,3,65,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875857467315678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656335099697792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928814042855603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568253776582787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978338670098527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070060343128152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517811015989186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820877676342128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20059444467182266,0.0,0.0,0.12538662994438546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21599140121786803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19688674516011573,0.7439218391824133,0.0,0.0,0.1342337877246787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020566435728954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031424733600278,0.0,0.14043942261984815,0.0,0.10050675047231014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867401382971868,0.09098643559385326,0.0,0.1127303658406818,0.0,0.0,0.13459727992862722,0.13568495172625952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271121813974025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,moldrixx,2020/01/01,"Advice Needed!!!!! Last night I went out for New Year's. We left the club and got home. I don't remember any of this. I started an argument with my partner and i'm not sure what was said. Again I don't remember any of this. And about 5 minutes later I started to have a fitting session and was taken to hospital, a bunch of hours later they've established my last drink had been spiked and I'd had a bad reaction to it. I've been dead weight for most of the day. It's now 10pm and I've only just been able get up. But I feel horrendous. I feel a relapse approaching on a huge scale and I'm not sure how to stop it. I feel like an idiot and just want to close myself off again. Does anyone have any advice on how to stop it?",-0.2688888888888883,1.779740713375798,2.0919214437367297,95.59977883934893,87.72611464968153,5.5271054493984435,18.276362349610764,6.937597516519254,0.05921542816702052,560,15,132,8,18,190,91,157,0.17600000000000002,0.784,0.04,-0.9674,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,0,8,5,1,0,9,0,11,2,0,2,2,31,25,11,1,2,5,0,4,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,7,12,2,2,5,2,0,2,4,2,0,0,11,5,12,3,19,14,2,27,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,1,17,78,19,1,0.15335110364137175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997058473187434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128520273286411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722665725680516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804176606066708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889877542841068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419858421141553,0.0,0.0,0.15022570019364878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326167770585654,0.10955405908239532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011962231922623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264888647192675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382366043702034,0.0,0.1510199468592786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500032339337435,0.0,0.0,0.16661642280562394,0.0,0.0,0.07491960317572978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370790024529845,0.0,0.14810745148804788,0.0,0.14390962247877087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663042458464865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474338128292245,0.0,0.14587201661232732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21708540090232345,0.0,0.0,0.2564167785041228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28906320069245506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045045411777324,0.0,0.0,0.1867403312073362,0.0,0.14215800943451562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875308293161447 bpd,ASwingAndAMistake,2020/01/01,"Finally done dating...period So I finally decided to acknowledge something that's been staring me in the face for ages, which I've been conveniently ignoring for way too long. I've been using dating as a shitty coping mechanism because I thought that if I was in a relationship with someone, the chances of them leaving were lower. It gave me some short term comfort which was negated pretty quickly when it all blew up in my face soon after. This has happened multiple times now and I can't ignore it any more. I'm wayyy too clingy and needy to be in a relationship with a non-BPD person without completely ruining everything with my constant need for validation. So if I do ever date again, I'm gonna stick to guys who have BPD lol. Sure it'll probably be a train wreck but hey, atleast they'll get it. Lmao between being ace and having BPD, pretty sure I'm out of the dating game for good, and good riddance. I don't need that anxiety in my life any more.",4.966460720130931,6.079256505319147,5.992553191489363,77.85653846153849,69.05319148936171,9.401636661211127,31.48281505728314,9.661875296680813,3.013075613747954,765,32,143,17,13,254,121,188,0.05,0.7709999999999999,0.179,0.9736,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,1,10,8,0,0,8,1,18,3,2,1,4,25,29,11,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,12,8,0,2,3,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,9,1,13,5,23,14,5,26,0,1,1,0,10,8,0,3,17,94,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832419234901972,0.0,0.10306801559492154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213010518158627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5090628314913183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412617517001771,0.14559517357682758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378754794589239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187092083168435,0.0,0.0,0.12108655945253954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951800709310506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039081940003347,0.0,0.0,0.22601011963553494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340379727000118,0.1191412181792091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142659525679336,0.0,0.0,0.09516372284000138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923173436837868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19980104845309826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764096430885805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741375180501669,0.1452616349731288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892990131869159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415621909089743,0.10372167026315886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539626993505621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696050240140607,0.07856209644227223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163633877381931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694233473471514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987482944553114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Johnmayer69420,2020/01/01,Why does the loved ones subreddit paint us as a bunch of monsters? I just scrolled through that sub and it's heartbreaking. I feel for all of the people posting on it who have been hurt/abused by people with BPD but who do they have to overgeneralizing the whole disorder based on the actions of their so/ex-so?,5.421065573770491,6.260405491803278,5.252581967213113,84.56608606557378,67.85245901639344,8.722950819672132,30.004098360655732,8.841846274778883,2.0697180327868847,249,9,52,4,4,77,49,61,0.1,0.8590000000000001,0.040999999999999995,-0.5362,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,5,0,4,1,0,0,1,6,6,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,5,1,11,5,3,4,0,1,0,1,6,2,0,0,0,37,10,0,0.0,0.3156229711862885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335502907295044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30530058429732737,0.0,0.233115534485302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346923904672189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851709282867165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24042309579300544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18050954498038488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693559938427989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551234415550805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32042866631977035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403712618417625,0.2974096274814874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Bimmergirl86,2020/01/01,"How to deal with intense Anger and Anxiety with kids? Hey BPD people! I am new to this thread but have been dealing with this disorder for about 5 or 6 years. I am so so exhausted from the extreme emotional rollercoaster on a day to day basis and after dealing with BPD episodes I also have severe crippling anxiety disorder and depression along with PTSD. My husband and I have 3 boys and they are 14, 10, and 8 years old. I love them so much and I don't even take any medication for my issues due to the fact I don't want to be in an alternate state of mind because they need me and medication makes it harder to be there for them anyway, after all the emotions I go through in a days time I am not able to give them the time and energy they need from me so I guess I just do the best I can do. But I feel like I am failing at being a great mom because I don't have the emotional capacity I feel I should have for them and I am afraid that they will resent me for it or they will feel sad because they don't feel that I care about them. Recently they've been saying nasty things to me about not caring about them or that I'm a mean mommy but I am always always telling them that I love them and I will never stop caring for them. My youngest son is really acting out not only at home but also at school. I have no idea how to get him to feel safe and loved. He is actually recently saying things that no mom ever wants to hear and he is too young to be thinking about that kind of stuff but I'm terrified that I didn't do something right and I don't know how to make him safe. My kids are my world but dealing with my own disorders and trying hard to not let them see me struggle and keep my brave face on while trying to make them feel better... it's just so overwhelming and I need advice or thoughts on how to manage an",4.886178977272729,4.4616599947916695,5.752168560606062,84.91082386363638,68.84375,9.16931818181818,27.61079545454545,8.710501217029153,1.69386875,1434,39,320,21,22,473,176,384,0.16399999999999998,0.71,0.125,-0.9291,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,17,3,23,23,2,3,12,0,38,7,1,7,4,75,72,39,0,6,16,4,7,1,0,4,3,3,1,3,15,25,0,4,11,0,0,2,13,9,0,0,4,11,57,14,50,59,4,33,0,4,1,3,41,11,0,5,20,229,72,3,0.07937752372217219,0.0,0.07746101280738503,0.0,0.0,0.07756679750037064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695635408462336,0.1320969170753875,0.0,0.0,0.05397943810234873,0.0,0.12144717676325008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451634051164933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833018139423783,0.07020296918621713,0.0,0.0,0.1999464247722549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24279202700817684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357580818631714,0.32733896600875684,0.068367744868882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27292055739526866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678670907945133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05242810579123895,0.07180151465570135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408139661299453,0.056707318807499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04147147995836208,0.07614615371264051,0.04511207598706248,0.0,0.0,0.08751400013097049,0.08744329148112635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110666992046974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946423821759057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962212834102378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960756241693772,0.0,0.0828495118378431,0.0,0.0705543902611742,0.0,0.08265947601419403,0.04362381113612173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116889599769236,0.0,0.0387798485770586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21492394279409685,0.0,0.1589553403833695,0.0,0.0,0.08646539365191269,0.0,0.15992900842210528,0.0,0.0,0.08014867097097554,0.18593199284696865,0.0,0.0,0.058351613230734324,0.17657228415311904,0.06122083976365509,0.07666330704353204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329335840970248,0.0,0.0,0.060370183678921635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05503038038663337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278807745713523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050851274274082814,0.0,0.1567514569996613,0.0,0.0,0.06778797154731395,0.0,0.12624838568877225,0.0,0.08033429177057745,0.0632536093639303,0.0,0.0,0.08967400789221044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110869579626441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636316412196612,0.0,0.08298262250255474,0.09086827375572347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059682019184359225,0.0,0.06937945443916041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546979931715217,0.050861912077237774,0.0,0.06301688727996456,0.09257134483907012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778425625970578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363784018412256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223304556547168 bpd,_roguelegate,2020/01/01,"I want to stop pushing my significant other a way I want to stop pushing my significant other a way, I love them. But somehow I keep starting arguments over the small stuff. I want to become more aware and stop myself",4.970714285714287,6.3052051190476215,6.165238095238099,75.79642857142859,69.23809523809524,8.457142857142857,30.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.5960380952380957,173,7,31,3,3,58,26,42,0.20199999999999999,0.5429999999999999,0.254,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,6,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,1,4,6,1,10,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,4,23,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712509923294005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183046596094756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22166774692030755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738402050006375,0.0,0.0,0.6160093468581472,0.0,0.0,0.2811585147020974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43459188192879067,0.3898990102696065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mirrorhugs,2020/01/01,"A tale of two tinder dates Recently, I went on a date with someone and it was very apparent that we didn’t share many values or interests and that I wouldn’t enjoy their company on any type of long term regular basis. So naturally, I went back to their place and had sex with them. I left before sunrise because I didn’t even want to sleep next to this person. The whole interaction probably lasted 5 hours. I go home feeling pretty shitty about things and message the person later in the day that I don’t think we should hang out again. Better than a ghost I suppose... Several nights later I go on another date with someone else. This person and I DID share interests, values, sense of humor, talents, you name it. We met at their place and ended up watching movies and shows until 8 in the morning, surpassing the length of my previous date by 4 hours. We shared a blanket and maybe rubbed up against each other slightly but I was terrified to make any sort of move. I ended up saying something to the effect of “I wanted to kiss you but was having such a nice time being around you that I didn’t.” before making my awkward exit. Probably should have just stfu and kissed them goodnight like a normal person. So I leave and we don’t even hug or anything. I was thinking of turning around and immediately addressing it or sending her a text but at least I had enough control not to do that. Basically, I think ole BPD brain was like “hey you’re actually into this person, better not be vulnerable” whereas I had no problem sleeping with someone I wasn’t attracted to. I am also TERRIBLE at telling if someone is into me. I text an apology later in the day regarding my big dumb mouth and they tell me “no apology necessary” and might have even flirted with me slightly. Part of me thinks it was out of pity. Anyways... I am aware of the context in which we met so part of me feels guilty for not hooking up with them and like I blew any chance with them. Hope they don’t think I wasted 9 hours of their life.",4.855564037319763,5.895346447837152,5.669872773536898,80.33744698897374,69.25445292620864,8.468532654792197,29.31382527565733,8.735056554316923,2.2568059372349447,1586,58,300,26,27,519,206,393,0.105,0.735,0.161,0.9225,1,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,6,3,10,4,15,25,1,1,16,0,30,9,4,4,0,67,49,26,1,9,11,0,3,3,0,4,1,1,2,5,15,34,0,1,8,1,0,7,13,5,0,1,18,5,53,20,53,25,7,56,0,1,1,4,40,25,1,7,27,212,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.08324192035201793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821554696924421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740237543111754,0.0894460186774018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019583365694015,0.1518727692221981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559155761223327,0.0,0.051998978448604384,0.0,0.14517051990176125,0.0,0.0,0.15088441934023128,0.0,0.0,0.10743420310646892,0.09522464056180688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956728410370714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002477013678112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125842442160947,0.0,0.15110354999077652,0.08813921098933654,0.0,0.16902243005782402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626196268174498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695757130279137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556431971916788,0.08472359717404111,0.2520142671223777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953207516437616,0.0,0.09032192988048286,0.09268028618550156,0.0,0.06025094406132134,0.12502195425233573,0.0,0.0,0.07548910806948632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387877423035575,0.08648229213272292,0.08569678214917402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049136928160617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066195269335013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907190707342706,0.08004964199561354,0.08357731986182336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847463378383743,0.0,0.0,0.37240972443931786,0.17824374100947873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678225153570421,0.1839388031873667,0.08162197727638387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842249011839964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783514496646041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636637002373327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072612795366385,0.0,0.2891026019342101,0.06566923157766104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491144722016968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056670499881875225,0.2732886571346971,0.0,0.0,0.0497399674668235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927834938562795,0.08332713190892302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038263822456899,0.10062602271834208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581506165610396,0.0,0.09523603411450192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,smoltiddydemon,2020/01/01,"Does anyone here have a history of crime? I know this is something rarely brought up, probably due to stigma but I'm genuinely curious how it works for others on here since stats do show us being overrepresented. Poverty has probably been a bigger factor for my history in this shit than my BPD but I feel it still plays a big role for me personally. I still do trivial stuff like shoplifting regularly but its the more *heavier* crimes that I'm still always tempted by since I'm still poor as fuck. Curious what experiences others here have with this?",5.356529126213591,7.30439459223301,5.92833737864078,75.49114684466021,69.09708737864078,9.421844660194175,30.350728155339805,9.827888789773867,3.134496116504855,445,18,78,11,8,144,74,103,0.19399999999999998,0.708,0.098,-0.9237,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,1,8,4,2,0,4,0,8,2,1,1,0,7,15,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,11,1,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,7,2,12,12,1,11,0,0,0,1,3,5,2,0,6,54,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533843412811714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889371673918407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23216780023499764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16131580282987842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18031835687273604,0.0,0.0,0.09320704924821233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041790867556386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130758057691233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005844588456316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095720731229954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974960122480559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892207499695593,0.30497330934282496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191272981658282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5888516351035197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21102340042386514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22173643498794826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420057291782492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,loonalady,2020/01/01,"Promiscuity and bpd Has anyone else been promiscuous before a relationship and it comes back to hand them? I’ve been in a relationship now for over 3 years and I just become promiscuous, I want the feeling of being Wanted without them actually having me, I miss the teasing and the flirt, I would never cheat but I have the longing to flirt with other men. Do you think this is to do with the fact I was sexually assaulted as a child or rapped as a teen I long for male approval? I don’t know what it is because I’m more than happy in my relationship, but when I’m alone I want to feel dirty and hard done by idk?",3.7892444444444418,4.8827337200000045,5.4026666666666685,81.0657777777778,71.80000000000003,8.435555555555556,25.88888888888889,8.841846274778883,1.754662222222222,485,15,101,9,9,165,83,125,0.175,0.691,0.134,-0.292,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,2,1,4,7,3,0,9,0,14,1,1,0,2,23,25,11,0,4,5,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,8,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,4,14,3,17,19,1,11,0,1,0,0,10,3,0,1,7,73,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.16911824977354298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179489134209776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117714390367107,0.17756890059936628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325893223500693,0.0,0.1056436010612407,0.191399005704202,0.14746767098043045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182684435720242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928476640689936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17734863623858468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477200872878168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525391159976694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18448374357065397,0.15524500814464418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524252679393228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067345342272101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366157884148885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5581861146218526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111045250234815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306654930085108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705743453639849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310913023056093,0.0,0.0,0.11160113396686112 bpd,nellneheil,2020/01/01,"My FP - my mum? Hey guys, I need someone smarter than me to help explain and get my thoughts in order. Ever since I left my toxic ex i thought I didn't have a FP anymore (when i was with him I didn't know I had BPD but when i was diagnosed all my past relationships suddenly made sense) and I was really happy. Just now I was suddenly hit with a realisation - it would be so obvious if my FP was my mum. We've had a complicated relationship, full of arguments and I even left my parents home when I was 18 because it was toxic. Since I've returned we've all been trying to mend our relationship and work towards a healthier one. It's going great, really! My parents know about my BPD. My mum also has some mental issues altho undiagnosed and I don't think she has BPD or bipolar, just anxiety and OCD. I love my mum very very much and I felt so guilty for leaving. She's not a person that shows emotion a lot due to her horrible parents and childhood. But I know she loves me a lot, she shows it in other ways. It's always super important to me that she's happy, that she's not mad at me, that we hang out, that I made her happy, etc. When she's mad at me, it ruins my days a lot. What do you think, could she be my FP? And if so, how the hell do I make it easier, so that my moodswings aren't enabled with a slight change in her tone at me?",2.513454057679412,3.4604380985915526,4.600482897384307,86.16678403755871,74.70422535211267,7.944735077129444,25.14352783366868,8.418075326091056,1.4253710932260226,1036,33,234,18,21,359,140,284,0.085,0.7340000000000001,0.182,0.986,3,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,2,1,0,3,16,11,3,0,10,0,23,4,0,4,4,47,41,25,0,5,9,8,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,15,14,0,0,9,2,0,2,6,4,0,1,17,1,54,7,19,19,9,28,1,1,0,2,33,11,1,7,13,162,69,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874254500781096,0.08193089281115072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532557036079889,0.0,0.09765097058277827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06002344161654954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720402290684657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416307285541856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861641021990916,0.0,0.0,0.06350187603403401,0.0,0.0,0.09994005473643172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076004088218123,0.0,0.0,0.10981467051444302,0.06503530303318501,0.08906736555520448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945419855503395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051443976958966166,0.0,0.055960013965733336,0.0,0.0,0.10855817566300367,0.0,0.09749597932643572,0.0,0.314453949889398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599911459540712,0.0,0.09876857396726596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277203471703464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623416143240217,0.0,0.0,0.10426037677324317,0.21396534750616286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25113464855471074,0.17773728470956576,0.186340211736677,0.06572625232566894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992297121099668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238321491237562,0.07301066119563868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672253404597044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280016900605883,0.0,0.0939961273909052,0.0,0.08597597114109708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261585930724669,0.0,0.0,0.3171441651515766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290277944490628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342920219837685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618498474698386,0.0,0.1563406611247592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685137353586985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16248812197211654,0.0,0.0781570530208676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168380203015569,0.0,0.0,0.06994681756990351,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,psychphil,2020/01/01,"Question: remembering nightmares vs happy dreams For those who have and remember super vivid dreams, what do you think is worse? Having a nightmare and remembering it or having a happy dream and remembering it? For me, it's the happy dream because you wake up and remember that what happened wasn't reality :/",7.125555555555558,9.229078037037038,7.3750000000000036,66.23250000000003,64.92592592592592,9.844444444444443,33.87037037037037,10.125756701596842,3.93368148148148,250,11,37,6,4,81,37,54,0.044000000000000004,0.578,0.37799999999999995,0.9709,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,1,0,4,0,0,3,0,6,1,1,0,0,13,8,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,7,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,4,3,7,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,2,0,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974513680766875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018788787966484,0.4701615234397837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492228201656658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8338688744458969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943338836811158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003174884005396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,KassandraSavage,2020/01/01,"Be careful what you wish for. My FP likes to use my emotions and fear of abandonment as a means to control me. As of last night, he’s pushed my last button. I had a complete internal emotional break-down, and now I’m not feeling anything. He wanted me to be less “feeling”, and now he has it. Does this mean he’s no longer my FP? Maybe. I guess I’ll see how my new found apathy will go, or how long it will last. Do any of you have a similar story/interaction with a FP or former FP?",0.639417475728159,2.4484393980582557,2.9765145631067966,92.06787864077671,82.20388349514563,6.4500970873786425,21.9504854368932,7.554174236665415,0.7551211650485437,370,12,86,6,10,127,68,103,0.136,0.78,0.084,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,1,5,4,0,1,4,0,8,0,0,4,0,20,21,9,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,5,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,3,11,2,10,15,1,11,0,1,1,0,6,0,0,3,10,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183551439567035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322248184760214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17744834155558628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824806751599612,0.0,0.19520391773829646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230611949760384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915496864088144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19584665554703493,0.17600264489633666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19082906265540173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891259404203036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917278822294073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4256045916510625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502857240296514,0.0,0.0,0.15402249459722378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484949157726132,0.37916749313105147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809172270615752,0.0,0.16332747686500754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868966230908794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503171899172988,0.0,0.0,0.10265501498712716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20014075209840868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,heavenlyplagues,2020/01/01,"Feel genuinely evil Don't think I'm allowed to name, but there's a certain sub which is a giant circlejerk consisting of showcasing messages and letters from people with BPD. Just scrolling endlessly through the comments and things people said, I just feel so fucking terrible as a person. I never want to have kids now in case I have a moment and it's just shamed like that. I get it, I overreact I get hurt by tiny things I get mad angry for no reason but I don't do it for the sake of it, these impulses are real, I'm not pretending to be hurt, I don't want to be shamed and seen as a danger because of my pain. I don't know, maybe I am being unreasonable but it felt like i was just painted as a monster",2.57377551020408,4.103342244897959,4.278656462585038,86.20533163265307,75.53061224489795,7.621088435374148,26.535714285714285,8.344100000000001,1.7397306122448992,558,21,117,10,12,188,88,147,0.325,0.62,0.055,-0.9931,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,7,13,4,2,8,0,14,2,0,2,2,26,29,11,0,2,8,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,10,5,0,0,6,1,0,0,7,10,0,0,4,5,13,3,17,22,0,5,0,2,1,1,7,2,1,0,5,79,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121190784387813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25039021405817696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201045390354462,0.0,0.19088571194604506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18379368969094856,0.3116050538811513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4256535977739634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925902196899602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942539277191575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19972815924518755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333206573414115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21154445974235345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27565521594910863,0.1735904356777284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262856708993564,0.0,0.2044065089893904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18911079991169988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641568175852598,0.12738737456229754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23452281154167695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Klinky_von_Tankerman,2020/01/01,"Any advice for those of us who are touch-starved? ...those of us who so badly miss and need touch - but for whichever reason: be it struggling self-worth, body image struggles, fears of being open and close, or just one wants to touch us. How are we suppose to cope?",3.785,5.398029019607847,3.2648529411764717,94.36433823529413,72.52941176470588,5.1000000000000005,22.553921568627448,3.1291,-0.16457254901960816,204,5,42,0,4,60,39,51,0.254,0.746,0.0,-0.9318,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,4,0,0,0,3,5,0,3,0,0,4,1,1,2,0,12,7,6,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,2,4,0,7,5,0,2,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,1,0,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19347164052373653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463866990461992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653117598934781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199201011279278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227916111340892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680563757950718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416183323270858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035647002496241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065447258719104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4139602156568211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.714465774623337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167784873124038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kelliechristmas,2020/01/01,"I snap when I'm confronted, and I have a wealth of knowledge to say some really hurtful things. I don't want to be this way Anyone else this way?",3.6406451612903226,3.9130170967741975,4.919516129032257,87.39927419354844,71.58064516129029,8.780645161290323,25.177419354838708,8.841846274778883,1.4775677419354838,114,3,26,2,2,38,25,31,0.217,0.679,0.10400000000000001,-0.3643,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,3,4,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25141401864764984,0.3684136252792081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003678031158231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849184168074269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23034454003466864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859380295453197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388769284355993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21207890593652734,0.5708069498909456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sweetsandmadness,2020/01/01,"Happy FP invited me to celebrate new years at their house. I went and cleaned their house because they're depressed and did not get the motivation to. We spent new years playing games and eating snacks. I felt genuine happiness from their expression. I felt happy, fulfilled, for the first time in an eternity. It was one of the few good days I had this year. It may not seem like a big deal, but for me it is. Just wanted to share this I guess.",2.9016379310344824,5.0655150689655235,3.435158045977012,89.80377155172415,76.47126436781609,7.108620689655173,24.66810344827586,8.07648339933343,1.3605413793103445,349,12,72,6,8,109,64,87,0.057,0.753,0.19,0.88,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,3,2,1,8,0,0,5,0,5,2,0,1,0,15,13,4,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,4,2,0,4,2,1,1,2,1,0,2,7,2,11,7,9,5,1,13,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,3,10,45,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117486020834664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703807142141143,0.17110962349689582,0.14295125602044312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983057190790327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31871788468849843,0.0,0.0,0.14117551632510908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671340791544582,0.0,0.0,0.13920925955981653,0.0,0.0,0.18283663402620487,0.0,0.0,0.5300401570650751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830183143287644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108543104653926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32059317017320244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246677752957164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510944804460966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677948308537672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789445952205453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538575083570364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206411656199993 bpd,buffalosoldierwp365,2020/01/01,"Dealing with NPD silent treatment I have BPD and my significant other has NPD , so it is very harsh for me, i have like 20 emotional swings a day and she cut all of the communication. how do i ""win"" this matchup. Some sources say NPD's can't stand being ignored. Eventually she will need the positivity and praise and come back to me, right? I want her back and i have exams this week i cannot concentrate on anything....",2.022994579945795,4.542921109756102,3.360894308943092,87.19453929539299,81.8048780487805,6.571273712737128,23.74525745257453,7.793537801064563,1.2106948509485096,329,12,69,6,9,107,64,82,0.063,0.747,0.19,0.8303,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,1,0,3,0,10,0,0,1,1,13,13,7,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,12,3,5,11,2,8,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,5,45,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381814482451301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4451173629787363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645349410909133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493237805581019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866624963960745,0.2983961599380413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32557692816694944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140397691686285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146133804771652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24717705498179604,0.0,0.23017139662437025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388152947305795,0.17071705380218447,0.0,0.2321683753661942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ChairmanLebronXimes,2020/01/01,"I'm in med school and also may have borderline BPD. I just wanted to say hi. I qualify for four of the diagnostic criteria. But I'm high functioning and also not ""looking"" for a diagnosis (not that anyone is looking for a diagnosis, but you get know what I mean). When I was younger I may have qualified for a narcissistic dx. But really so many of us are narcissistic in our 20s... Has anyone here had thoughts or conversations about BPD-narcisistic overlap? Just wondering- random question/thought... Anyway, this is my fav sub of all the mental health ones. I see people here communicating really well and helping each other! Keep up the good work. Getting ready to start my psych rotation next week. Wish me luck...",2.7730175123484493,5.764172381679393,4.52979793444095,76.31123933542885,84.72519083969465,8.27319263583296,26.02649303996408,8.841846274778883,2.8544158958239785,566,24,98,17,17,190,94,131,0.04,0.8059999999999999,0.154,0.9406,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,2,1,0,1,11,3,0,0,6,0,10,2,0,0,1,24,25,11,0,2,8,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,3,4,12,3,13,20,2,9,0,0,3,0,7,5,0,6,4,68,16,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25199944289695586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203375632839971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3968796049251781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16463594785737928,0.0,0.0,0.13215285241990768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674776446106477,0.0,0.0,0.10560834748283243,0.1664695307225796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400455075127566,0.0,0.0,0.08659020009362542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646194322324931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597399009915131,0.0,0.17162773133532386,0.1750123160629638,0.0,0.15878221975208234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675655792621068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676592562883147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923143862965412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17650192344828391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20187241324097274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529708768654665,0.0,0.15945792487245786,0.1255539703850294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152093491264717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501681873609303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895238457410094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293226688261934,0.0,0.12638417159094167,0.0,0.14166429001163494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18118485288253905,0.0,0.17086580574555654,0.11470468839013905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,the10thD0CT0R,2020/01/01,"I hate the holidays So my fiancée left right before thanksgiving. I’ve since been diagnosed BPD and I’m not dealing well. It’s comforting knowing I’m not just a complete fuck up, but having this happen during the holidays is taking its toll. I have to actively try everyday to not just end it and its getting harder and harder",2.8071428571428565,5.551096063492063,4.589841269841274,78.18571428571431,80.42857142857143,8.044444444444443,28.04761904761905,8.841846274778883,2.966466666666668,264,12,44,7,7,89,47,63,0.057999999999999996,0.758,0.184,0.8002,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,0,10,12,5,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,3,2,3,11,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,2,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282172282333254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377867085825184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812010966246564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27650094780350865,0.0,0.27221590172790305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375443263442661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24794525509897744,0.1401226826749929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23716710859071874,0.0,0.0,0.264790561302095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739491937683016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913985296662138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290401122854181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218566275430087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016519459630853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18208922315290527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24114272264371397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,leviathanchronicles,2020/01/01,"Issues with apologies in a recent argument A bit odd after my recent positivity post, but I also really need to rant, and this is the only place where (afaik) my FP doesn't keep up with me. Keeping the situation as vague as possible: there's this activity my FP and I have done together for years. I've not been as active in it recently, but it's the type of activity where even if I'm not doing it, I can keep up with what she's doing, and I love doing that. Recently, she's started doing that activity (after a similar break), and she never told me that she was doing it. I found out mostly by accident, in such a way that it's possible I wouldn't have found out for months. I could live with that, but what's got me so upset is what's happened since. My apology language is basically 100% ""accept responsibility"" or, essentially, the other person saying ""This is what I did wrong."" All her apologies have been essentially ""I'm sorry I made you feel left out."" Which I genuinely do appreciate, but I'm like...okay, but I don't just ""feel"" left out, I /was/ left out. I feel like if she would just say ""I'm sorry I left you out,"" I would be able to move on. Of course I'm not going to manipulate her into saying that, but I also recognize that it's unfair for me to not forgive her when she probably just doesn't recognize what she did wrong. It is upsetting me, definitely, because I keep hearing it as ""I'm sorry you found out"" rather than ""I'm sorry I did this."" Like, all I want is that solid ""I left you out"" instead of ""I made you feel left out"" or explanations as to how I can actually join now and it'll be fine (I can't, actually--sure, no one would actively exclude me, but I'd be the 'new person' and treated accordingly). This is mostly just a rant, but perspective or advice would be welcomed as well. Thanks for bearing with me! I'll also likely cross-post this elsewhere, so if you see it, it's just me again.",3.5168241758241763,4.523950612820514,5.726758241758244,78.81288461538463,72.35897435897436,8.956043956043958,25.97985347985348,9.330973305703688,2.0801391941391945,1489,47,307,33,28,525,165,390,0.11599999999999999,0.759,0.125,0.657,0,0,0,0,0,0,75.0,0,6,0,0,22,15,0,2,10,0,41,1,0,4,3,75,72,33,0,12,24,0,4,3,0,6,0,4,0,2,32,21,0,4,9,0,0,2,11,4,1,1,15,9,51,11,43,46,5,44,0,0,1,1,29,25,0,8,17,229,83,1,0.07525079579427789,0.0,0.07343392163742044,0.0,0.0,0.07353420673018653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18053410262796105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04587218666355721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215437922211437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060081637228747924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700769061580606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04970244091496279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521962535480547,0.05375918355125208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475258404896021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04276676140515772,0.0,0.06018493568770492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654403020131039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848131159214034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785422800386967,0.0,0.2675454594686677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4905612588680389,0.0,0.0,0.14705495104227453,0.0,0.06644783134483659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791678119155893,0.14240824493733847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06006446726852355,0.07997968693447614,0.0,0.05579751158208576,0.058038052780955994,0.07267768749550235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05099188673610503,0.05723162113227561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141218465812224,0.0786210652895721,0.0,0.0,0.16966793123642765,0.1441389222593811,0.0,0.08113308536264772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04820758669256589,0.0,0.29720433009280706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17952735948418153,0.0,0.0,0.05996514149466449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06224823590129387,0.08458504735751714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369484200732041,0.053262900576910265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692808225041066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190536018344039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044384869040355414,0.059730579065267464,0.0,0.0,0.067659502676323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21382402512579185,0.16454986426642754,0.0,0.048459045297261714 bpd,Losingtheplottoday,2020/01/01,"DAE have a huge issues with housework? When depression hits obviously housework takes a backseat a lot of the time. It used to be the last thing on my mind and I was a proper messy bastard. With or without depression. Now it's just with depression, and no where near as bad as I used to be thankfully. I think my previous messiness (over 10 years ago) has affected me more than I realise, or the current issue is perfectionism or bpd. I just find even when the house is spotless to the point I cannot tidy or clean anything else (rare lol), I am convinced it is still a shit tip compared to everyone elses. I feel judged automatically as soon as someone enters my home as if they think it's disgusting and my house is awful. When people do comment on it being nice, I think they're taking the piss and saying it sarcastically. I struggle to have repair men round when I need them because in my head, they come in, think it's an absolute shit tip and then tell whoever they see and then I'm judged by them too.",5.0875144955546965,5.815309603015077,5.797085427135677,80.76502899110942,68.54773869346734,8.937147274835716,30.38306919211442,9.057496981413335,2.3883155005798242,797,30,159,14,13,260,122,199,0.21899999999999997,0.721,0.06,-0.9866,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,5,0,12,13,5,1,12,2,14,4,4,3,1,32,29,22,0,2,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,8,10,0,1,6,0,0,2,3,10,0,0,1,4,22,3,23,24,2,25,0,3,2,0,9,9,4,6,14,107,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811486961946208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965041126331457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112551553556725,0.08122575194458115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781914168784992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477995149220956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442947162300578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22262049289111305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800797237787279,0.0,0.0,0.12732261909776982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737336955538006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178477052846312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674921979250762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365697589011954,0.0,0.0,0.3074968477923655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781491888483821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086135777662604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328130098741422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454085198163976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988004968704044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237625742755663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259608910721415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596286355156846,0.0,0.0,0.10618010743832333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27355097319508376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289921904163575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641072522173037,0.0,0.0,0.13929803945479716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003693788498643,0.0,0.1164632026605442,0.1226753576084863,0.0,0.0,0.08852296916814056,0.3415155810513639,0.0,0.0,0.07769703135966467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301641681075718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284447482085125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580629525371246 bpd,Schrodingers_Reality,2020/01/01,"Change seems way easier when you’re on a bender. The plan was to sleep early, get up motivated. Cause you know, I’ve got this under control. That thought is so much easier to believe when you end up binging on cocaine all night. Fuck. Try again today.",1.5894557823129247,4.215664714285714,3.0072448979591826,88.04787414965988,85.53061224489795,5.715646258503401,20.41156462585034,7.1686216300943375,0.7274054421768708,197,6,38,3,6,64,42,49,0.065,0.7759999999999999,0.159,0.6249,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,3,4,1,1,0,2,0,2,2,1,3,1,7,8,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,7,5,2,13,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,1,7,21,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30747572280243224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803533894463871,0.2887022257188873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30609138115407697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24171694815689296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523005760434312,0.14258402945254595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182707798016997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998400775931084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20061999590677715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25610722137782543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24844669778231496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731067444948966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21665977970777744,0.0,0.0,0.2586864399944899,0.0,0.0,0.1852877397248017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166229791825864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,weehare,2020/01/01,"Suicidal on Lexapro? Hi everyone, I've been taking Lexapro after my gp gave me a 5mg a day prescription. I was diagnosed by my therapist a few days earlier and was suicidal. I'm waiting on a scheduled meeting with a psych to review the medication but it's not due till March. I have very often been feeling suicidal since I started using the drug, more so than before possibly? What is other people's experience? Thank you.",3.344722222222224,5.8852608024691335,5.548873456790127,73.31368055555558,76.77777777777777,9.482098765432099,32.34722222222222,9.827888789773867,4.0267888888888885,339,18,57,11,8,118,64,81,0.152,0.7809999999999999,0.067,-0.8357,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,0,6,3,0,1,0,8,14,4,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,7,1,8,9,2,10,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,8,38,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16753848495988669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539549119098037,0.0,0.0,0.1998387243177576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228329341780818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881363795326942,0.0,0.19259573648859754,0.0,0.0,0.09955326017393767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198345483536628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649840657028292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221963357280942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286905044199407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935941983164532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6460955546828884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480364202886891,0.0,0.0,0.18126942252591025,0.0,0.2286039148530558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17004933448887652,0.0,0.16245447882398933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Cracklingdoock,2020/01/01,Anyone also struggles with Social Anxiety? Genuinely curious,11.184999999999995,15.021407500000002,12.52,12.425000000000011,99.0,16.6,54.0,10.125756701596842,13.126300000000002,52,4,1,3,2,18,8,8,0.365,0.435,0.2,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4077938489907755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39009793577041,0.0,0.0,0.3565575462227149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.519813257670509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5330934914389438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Leikent,2020/01/01,"My girlfriend has BPD. Hello everyone, and happy new year! My girlfriend recently told me that she has BPD, I had never heard about it before she told me she had it tbh. So I did a bit research on it. We have only been togheter for a couple of months, but I really really like her. So at first I didnt really think about it, and didnt notice anything that seperates her from people without BPD. Lately I have been noticing some things, for example yesterday I sent her a cute happy new year snap, and some nice things I appreciate about her. She read the snap but did not respond. (We are young, and mostly communicate trough snapchat) So I sent her another snap if she wanted to hang out, no answer. She was out drinking, but usually is very chatty while drunk. So I sent another snap that it kinda hurts that she ignores me, also read that one. I wake up this morning barely no sleep, still no answer, and when I finally got some communication she was kinda pissed that I ""spammed"" her. She told me that borderline hit her hard, she is feeling down, and that I am to much, and need to give her space. She has asked for space earlier, but its kinda hard to know what is too much and not. Btw we do live one hour apart from eachother, and she prefer snapchat and not calling, wich make it even harder for me to understand wich mood she is in. She has told me about her past, and its a sad sad story... So I would love if you guys could give me some dos and don'ts, what should I be careful with? And should she really be alone while depressed? Should I not snap her, and give her space? I would really like to understand this better, I care ALOT about her, and she only deserves the best. I dont want to fuck this up because I dont have the knowledge I should have.",3.3047503069995905,4.923642650429805,4.046429594760543,88.25194484240689,73.78510028653295,7.277977896029473,23.35253786328285,7.957251820313856,1.0597735571019242,1371,38,285,20,28,437,163,349,0.11199999999999999,0.745,0.14300000000000002,0.953,0,1,1,0,0,0,50.0,3,1,0,3,15,19,2,0,8,0,37,7,3,1,1,63,64,30,0,13,11,0,3,2,2,6,0,1,0,1,23,21,2,1,9,4,0,4,14,7,0,3,19,4,62,11,29,35,10,35,0,4,0,2,51,12,2,11,21,211,85,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968179473706972,0.0,0.06924650820878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815956843204659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125672354044188,0.0,0.08095056499981405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05278485401008216,0.0,0.07368226192324225,0.0,0.09087154061028307,0.07658238954773047,0.094534558496932,0.0,0.3271736616289246,0.0,0.08841873083622273,0.0,0.17656986883373169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913558477310762,0.09581090266212937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458039639549185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029671841055886,0.08482586753825203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05719230493377137,0.0,0.0,0.08274107287849418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04378283230390338,0.0,0.0,0.09485582002075957,0.0,0.07365395913246925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005165679319304,0.0,0.24919691319812504,0.0,0.0,0.06925444969915755,0.0,0.0,0.0857383531619581,0.0,0.18435470532598366,0.15513642110625758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527434381338049,0.0,0.09269707730196147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04758795442285931,0.0,0.09767802015155172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460763140808499,0.0,0.07646112670731298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781514386119114,0.0,0.05779992849799695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911582740138147,0.0,0.12730817590695112,0.06420586671805871,0.06678404423013917,0.16725957070139705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971680484578945,0.0,0.0,0.1173521252346258,0.13171217619880682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266056940783653,0.0600310510592527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322815703423675,0.0,0.2773609250861188,0.0,0.08549781641201007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665318058746037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915140163637139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505395498874255,0.055483789489151225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309642915139767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802878322438802,0.0,0.0,0.0953673629789412,0.07144635133938894,0.10214681282734807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347029261328258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302302082189236,0.0,0.0,0.11152307389418713 bpd,alexrxyes1901,2020/01/01,"What does it feel like to have Bpd? It feels like being constantly pushed into hell then out of it again. The feelings are abnormally intense. The misery and pain are unbearable that every single time I experience them I consider taking my life just to end the pain. ***Imagine being set on fire ***and being unable to do anything about it but get consumed by the a pain until you burn. Now imagine this happening over and over in your life. When that happens I can only gasp, cry, and often times lock myself up in my car to scream my lungs out. I want to shout for help, I want release. It hurts so terribly bad that we’re wiling to try anything to stop it. “Help me. It’s like the walls are caving in. Sometimes I feel like giving up. No medicine is strong enough. Someone help me. I’m crawling in my skin. Sometimes I feel like giving up. But I just can't*. It isn't in my blood And that’s where the impulsivity of a person with bpd comes from. We want anything that will make us feel better, anything to put the fire out. That could be cutting, drinking, smoking, doing drugs, spending huge sums of money, even attempting suicide and in my case, it’s almost always quitting. Quitting my job, my activities, cutting off ties with friends or my lover. It’s illogicaland when in my calm state right now I know that it isn’t. But how do you tell a person on fire to use logic? The worst thing is anything trivial can trigger this. I read somewhere that it’s like having “exposed nerve ends”.And because of this I always feel bad, because I shouldn’t be feeling this. It’s such a pity matter so why am I acting so dramatic like the world is ending? But there’s no control. There is a reason our episodes are often labelled as storms. We see it approaching and it’s huge. Probably caused by nothing. About to destroy us and everyone around us. But how do you stop storms again? It’s draining. I’m tired. I’m always tired. I’m sick of battling my brain all the time. I can’t face the world and its struggles when I’m constantly weakened by a fight with this monster inside me. Often times, I feel like I’m looking at the world with the eyes of an injured veteran. So many things look meaningless after knowing real pain. So many battles lost and only a couple won. No more energy or motivation to try. I always wonder how people live till they are 80. I don’t want to live that long. In fact, everyday I wake up hoping it’s my last day. I’m in my early 20s yet it feels like a lived for a century already.",1.334422043010754,3.878693705645162,2.7884354838709657,89.7947365591398,85.73387096774194,5.0808602150537645,22.17795698924732,6.588339656340683,0.6315415053763447,1962,69,385,22,60,637,244,496,0.21600000000000005,0.62,0.16399999999999998,-0.9891,1,0,2,0,1,1,68.0,6,4,2,9,30,36,7,1,23,0,31,20,7,10,2,74,70,32,1,7,9,0,14,9,2,2,11,2,0,2,36,22,1,3,18,2,2,6,9,20,0,0,2,20,47,16,58,60,5,67,1,3,4,1,23,32,1,8,36,247,83,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377653275689629,0.0,0.07028371668799564,0.0,0.21198138571018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620580288913066,0.05669777887266194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635730912669376,0.07764990647849107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05632880395145936,0.0,0.0,0.16043114831676902,0.07109932401249593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542737709521433,0.0,0.05486346562268057,0.0,0.13765295426037075,0.07143397217315453,0.050851440177728,0.07047199211646142,0.06996069128217915,0.04107490842287801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05573572102471439,0.0,0.0,0.06239214642939096,0.07386040878968372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282122144907933,0.06580899947077386,0.0,0.042066774766000514,0.0,0.05366173832154638,0.06085871308574532,0.0,0.06230123433655468,0.0,0.0,0.3220367752757439,0.2730017388792416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049206888590892346,0.0,0.03327549947289247,0.12219488189337482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126420626017078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280705905386698,0.0,0.0,0.06325873693449657,0.0,0.0,0.06818167368571228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320269345075474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000493379657581,0.051916011572282435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997254006108202,0.2800423204000254,0.0,0.1687188337282,0.05636382056557155,0.1069674502119952,0.0,0.06952537418842555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04251370138748204,0.12914372736743088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06111246222638165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687853036367587,0.2710834424913337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04415476359625948,0.11122364760675328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866880509672753,0.0,0.0,0.06402623982866562,0.0,0.13548472962530528,0.063707432962591,0.0724933883030655,0.0,0.06548413060777714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05439108065966843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050752841402362574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396449765130519,0.0,0.12598246774472555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649571392084824,0.0,0.0665828230416509,0.0,0.06966673871739283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04788710217007502,0.0,0.055668039865897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462587433840357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485530653591405,0.14640502561786828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648292672354388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298343968421296,0.055007881430406885,0.0,0.0,0.1502645145443524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05747049685878292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906930233665579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ohhhhhthehorror,2020/01/01,"DAE feel the need to alter your mood? I'm at the point where I either need to be drinking caffeine (energy drinks, coffee) all day or taking prescription drugs all day just to feel something. I can't stand the nothingness I feel when I don't take anything. I start getting angry at the nothingness feeling and feel like I'm going to snap.",4.4381818181818184,6.011671303030305,4.9337575757575785,83.20063636363638,70.81818181818181,7.704242424242422,26.83636363636364,8.238735603445708,1.7961309090909094,270,9,50,4,5,86,44,66,0.054000000000000006,0.8809999999999999,0.065,-0.0772,0,0,4,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,3,3,0,0,2,13,17,3,0,2,3,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,5,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,6,16,3,10,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,5,29,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766193825444221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768327684677193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4205046654972289,0.24889868572436066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5426082216068056,0.153329266926106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213352621981956,0.0,0.12197722773830688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485570255949883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31828576931514274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20289148530854628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523002191407749,0.0,0.0,0.15191379333411606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322744945190301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sniffing_dog,2020/01/01,"Embracing BPD I'm tired of pretending to be someone else. It's embarrassing and it's boring. I don't care what I'm 'supposed to be'. When I allow my BPD to direct my life I feel happier. It's a risky business ..",-1.7646666666666668,-0.28946968888888946,2.0933333333333337,88.96000000000002,112.55555555555556,5.555555555555557,20.555555555555557,6.937597516519254,1.1552222222222228,164,7,35,4,9,60,31,45,0.261,0.597,0.14300000000000002,-0.6734,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,3,7,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,1,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,19,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7638082504524388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30916040565057384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533074705898276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332081611672954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21417838472715686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569234775793212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485151345231004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fourteencarrots,2020/01/01,"I sense that my FP is slowly severing our contact as a way to reach their happiness goals for 2020. Oh well. It is what it is. I shall make peace with this and hope they find the joy they deserve.",1.156463414634146,3.1111040975609785,2.222134146341464,97.38734756097564,81.1951219512195,6.051219512195122,20.006097560975608,7.1686216300943375,0.17684878048780428,152,4,36,2,4,48,36,41,0.0,0.653,0.34700000000000003,0.9432,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,3,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,6,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,4,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,24,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.369595873159239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43046988862682695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016404514839805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699267017804124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4568341483978382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209779166818621,0.0,0.0,0.363586065171856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shweetpea,2020/01/01,"Has anyone here ever done residency treatment? I understand it’s can be a thing that most people don’t have access to.. I’m curious about your experience? And what a stay length looks like? Not long ago I asked about a hospital, because I am just not functioning well. I went to my therapist appointment yesterday and she asked me if I’ve ever considered residency treatment. She said even though it’s really expensive it’s a better alternative to inpatient units for what I’m experiencing. I’m doing everything “right” - I workout, I journal everyday, I advocate for my mental health at home but I am literally so lost and stuck and helpless. I can’t really wrap my brain around it but I’ve been considering it. I’d probably ..definitely have to apply for some form of financial assistance. There just happens to be one in the state I live in.",3.688955696202534,6.397060854430382,5.811882911392408,70.98276107594937,76.53164556962025,10.53227848101266,29.49525316455697,10.411451182825502,4.1042645569620255,677,31,116,26,16,235,104,158,0.08900000000000001,0.873,0.038,-0.8536,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,2,13,5,0,0,5,0,13,2,1,0,2,17,25,9,0,1,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,9,5,0,0,1,1,1,1,4,2,1,1,6,3,17,3,15,17,3,14,0,2,1,0,6,5,0,3,7,82,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171920070476874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967604469175452,0.0,0.0,0.1523648597126861,0.32001494951138065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433492583430913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137330742925728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19106636528321108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515170462659815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304672534319173,0.3096402581786432,0.0,0.0,0.15382370656996122,0.16742311636114826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513524198593622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18193050501751976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168312182875392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361802939052375,0.0,0.15113361841810646,0.1514674081436574,0.14372768095535446,0.0,0.18683666442177366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724846888935921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597953155761873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865781155379207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18453479242456705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192934476444186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461660322346008,0.16280826453036992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18242920272704108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19872495899888806,0.11370824155733715,0.0,0.16815960580034048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817911935875344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538895288662697,0.15866304821599042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dreamyyygemini,2020/01/01,"He makes me cry often, but I don’t think it’s fault Are his actions bad enough to make anyone cry? I don’t know. I don’t think so. I am just too sensitive. So it’s not his fault. I can’t tell him that the things he does makes me end up in tears because then he’d feel guilty and leave me. I can’t bear to let him go. So I’ll stay and suck up the pain.",-1.7361904761904758,-0.2113450952380962,0.6928571428571431,106.71880952380957,89.23809523809523,4.2095238095238106,12.904761904761903,5.033348758259628,-1.6962523809523806,268,3,79,1,9,90,53,84,0.364,0.636,0.0,-0.9869,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,0,2,0,9,1,0,3,0,13,18,7,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,0,1,14,0,5,16,1,8,0,0,0,0,8,3,1,1,2,45,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194932609074666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814461120222288,0.13247113663461166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4774131851123659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19017084888154304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924735794241384,0.22454097773047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987927634076347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350319236085787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942877423338462,0.0,0.0,0.2301016110561763,0.0,0.22221583814933252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4351715488727002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312348680007592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23162525537206324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18993992007701785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437217339613187,0.2784890020542445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HeliacalChrysalis,2020/01/01,"I really wish I could go to inpatient and truly think I would benefit from an inpatient stay at present, even though I'm not suicidal or self-harming. Anyone else? I've been dissolving in slow motion for the past several months, and particularly this December was grueling. I'm stuck, can't move forward in the aftermath of a crushing event last spring, and I've been keeping my head above water *just barely* by immersing myself in not-really-healthy (some maladaptive) coping mechanisms, like smartphone overuse and having a drug regimen on many days that rivals that of Hunter S. Thompson. I need better help, my psychologist regrettably hasn't been terribly helpful, and my executive functioning is so poor as a result of my constant involuntary ruminations that I'm having a *lot* of trouble functioning on my own. I've barely eaten many days because I haven't been able to make meals, have slept poorly, and just overall feel like I'm spiraling out of control. It all feels like it's time for another trip to inpatient. I know that's frowned upon by providers and there's this notion that pwBPD don't benefit from inpatient care because we treat it like an escape/vacation and become ""institutionalized"" too easily, etc., etc., which honestly frustrates me a bit. Here's the awkward thing: even though I feel like I can't function independently at this time, I'm not at all suicidal, not even very much lasting passive ideation, and I haven't physically self-harmed in a long time (I just take drugs or dive into distractions when urges appear). So I doubt I'd be admitted, even though I really feel like I need to go and would benefit from it. Inpatient stays are for me usually a ""reset"" in which I recenter myself and gain much-needed perspective that then ""recharges my battery"" in a sense and positions me to face life while suffering less. Anyone else here have this dilemma? What do you do, what do you say when you're basically in crisis but not suicidal or self-harming? Is admission to inpatient under these circumstances totally implausible, as I assume? I'm very overwhelmed and don't know how to approach and emerge from this situation.",10.993964194373396,9.033767424552432,10.431150895140664,61.241918158567785,57.61892583120204,14.724296675191818,43.460358056266,13.310731037718625,5.904819948849107,1737,80,286,54,17,565,211,391,0.064,0.8009999999999999,0.135,0.9683,0,0,2,0,0,0,58.0,1,2,0,3,19,21,1,4,13,0,26,9,3,5,3,56,53,30,3,6,11,0,4,6,0,2,3,1,0,0,21,17,3,2,9,0,2,8,11,8,0,0,8,5,29,13,39,41,11,48,0,2,0,0,7,17,0,8,29,181,50,0,0.08569813380575443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986196545326981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198442554756857,0.1756157308418159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448157389333544,0.09464685582803084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579303516621536,0.0935601664938248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737495889618435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926092378242252,0.09611774412337899,0.06842298652328087,0.0,0.0,0.11053641334998067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19876525571576614,0.0,0.14317958850072127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19115214494404434,0.2264112365614064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17332620557200154,0.24489105565651104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974084487121576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795100919690557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488330530173195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617243891795296,0.0,0.0,0.0941949062796492,0.13971083405848533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06053112630191605,0.2512066763852974,0.0,0.0,0.07584015165509186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285748876738653,0.0,0.0,0.05720416977225596,0.1737689136501224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840343279586554,0.09108355387218743,0.125995977801769,0.19063224101956905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180856566355606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980083788419323,0.0,0.08461656843328602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815059567356345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682055308837208,0.09681449819652586,0.0,0.0,0.09632829300872033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826856162748124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812195470406091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443433135758264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693403214481148,0.05491190380374795,0.2525939440528875,0.0,0.14991381296481515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438438704589,0.14141987084874294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854862454474916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175499091205955,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Luna2221,2020/01/01,I actually have a good feeling about this new year. For once everything is good and calm. I’m sober and understanding my limits. My family relationship and my relationship with boy friend had gotten better. I’m actually happy for now.,4.0771428571428565,7.276226714285716,6.2288571428571435,65.36614285714289,79.47619047619048,10.026666666666667,25.06666666666667,9.888512548439397,3.5804323809523826,190,7,30,7,5,66,31,42,0.0,0.615,0.385,0.9545,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,8,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,6,4,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.4446784704860947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015062018291427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047681416796636,0.0,0.21478752743367602,0.0,0.11520288534981238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17602882589740487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38220321402976587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425402019900194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200495506255086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426424495495294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4892303620474438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23718975423737326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672166257441127 bpd,shitsgayyo,2020/01/01,"DAE DESPISE feeling cliché? I’m not sure if this makes any sense even but for as long as I can remember I’ve HATED feeling cliché in any regard. For example, my favorite holiday is Halloween. But I try not to tell people that because I’m terrified people will think I only like the holiday for stupid cringey reasons? It doesn’t make sense but that’s literally my fear. Ex 2 ; i went shopping with my mother for business casual clothes just the other day and she picked out this SUPER DUPER cute blouse. It was this sleek black and this cute little wrap style - adorable! But.. I didn’t want it, not to even try it on, because it had skulls all over it and I’m afraid wearing things with skulls on it makes me look like a fake cliché “badass chick” so I told her it wasn’t my style. Ex 3; up until about last year I actively avoided owning pink things because I was a girl. I would look for other colors of EVERYTHING I could get a different color for just to not own a pink anything. I HATE unicorns for the same reason. Too girly. Too cliché. I don’t understand the need for me to avoid things like this and I’m not even sure if it’s a bpd thing honestly? So I guess that’s why I’m asking haha",2.86475308641975,4.509131555555554,3.716401234567901,90.05830555555558,75.00823045267491,6.835308641975309,24.084156378600827,7.554174236665415,0.9819944032921808,940,29,199,12,20,300,136,243,0.158,0.636,0.20600000000000002,0.912,2,2,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,10,21,4,4,9,1,12,3,3,6,3,42,35,15,0,6,13,3,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,23,7,0,2,7,4,1,1,9,9,0,0,7,9,21,12,25,25,4,13,0,0,7,0,10,7,0,3,8,118,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350088961475807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497738916393368,0.0,0.11925862631338564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332923499450361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066711600211656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185246847174416,0.0,0.0,0.08227064563951708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332811478344589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527718882053576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114649668510655,0.0,0.0,0.14354918522981985,0.12900417524410948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664888445831517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405302592632757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518934863216876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398474287775533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18696947755795135,0.1278563992262103,0.0,0.11289344484713895,0.21424956327966246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554573920651028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458987057191752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702102265902894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17687883180288208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623217877337292,0.0,0.0,0.14450939344112548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24046219024024315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149983669112278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390013800128773,0.08174026354420676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218964523744536,0.0,0.1732202576105578,0.0,0.0,0.13280252716255075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752427643964439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825658273667974,0.11511005290914827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062046983968317,0.0,0.0,0.08214944883273828 bpd,TishFaYaIsh,2020/01/01,"It all makes sense now. This sub has made it so much easier for me to understand myself and not feel like an alienated loser who is just an enormous batshit fuck up. You have all helped me understand that I am not alone and that there are ways to get better, even though it is difficult a lot of the time. I,for the first time in years, have hope for my personal relationships because I can understand when my mental health may be playing a part in an issue, and respond appropriately. I feel so much better and it has a lot to do with you all here and the stories you were willing to share (and also r/bpdmemes cause we all need a laugh, let's be honest) Thank you all so much. Xoxo.",4.530579710144927,5.107272927536234,5.268260869565221,84.60210144927538,69.72463768115942,8.742028985507247,26.92753623188406,8.841846274778883,1.7531536231884068,536,16,114,9,9,174,89,138,0.075,0.743,0.182,0.937,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,4,0,4,11,12,1,0,10,0,16,2,0,3,5,29,28,12,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,8,8,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,2,13,9,11,21,11,11,0,1,0,1,11,4,1,4,7,89,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15840759758414116,0.0,0.12231214862060825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323544357114123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27053946413707125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711932703636594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102045405558267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546698145598971,0.10926580328914944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300971591050497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139760106739185,0.07990881365107072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257615749272278,0.0,0.0,0.10251755912158073,0.0,0.0,0.15191148747800876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596375680149191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639929394983926,0.0,0.07472247666281029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26006117747198376,0.0,0.14472272689224866,0.10209371746792494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413521742243008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373022756295861,0.11340871497313175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562735721365934,0.0,0.0,0.13354795376461165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420849431240542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081361031510456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502702504666693,0.0,0.17836996296252786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4776715686244116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140269385360665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849324638612857 bpd,laurengray1993,2020/01/01,"My husband hurt me last night and now I hate myself and want to apologize. But I didn’t do anything wrong. Yesterday was New Year’s Eve, and as usual he was playing his game. We had a friend over. Him and I were watching a YouTube video. We heard my husband saying to his friends “happy new year!” He didn’t even say it to me until it was 12:02 and he didn’t even come give me a kiss. We’ve been together for 7 years and change and I have never missed a kiss with him till this year. I’m not a huge holiday person but every year i will dress up and go to a party and enjoy it. Because as stupid as it is, i love this tradition. I told him after our friend had left that I was so hurt. His response was “there’s been like three years we haven’t kissed. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings”. I said “it’s okay, we’ll get over it, I just want you to know it hurt and I feel unimportant and unwanted, like I’m on the back burner”. His solution to this is that he’s going to delete the game he’s addicted to. I never asked him to, he loves that game. I don’t want him to give his hobby up, i just want some attention sometimes, We discussed it 2 weeks ago and he said that he’d work on it and he’d spend two hours with me at night before he hoped on his game. I was happy with that, I like to mindlessly browse my phone after a long day too. And that little bit of alone time is welcome. But ever since then he still comes home and immediately jumps on his game and fights me when I bring it up. We even got a second console so I could play with him and get a little bit of attention. Some bonding time. I don’t play as much but I try to play with him. To have a similar interest. But he leaves me behind and talks with his friends in the game more than me. So I hope off and watch YouTube a lot of the time. And his solution, instead of managing his time better, or setting aside a block for me, is to be overly dramatic and say he’s just going to delete the game. And to say “well, you were watching a video and you didn’t ask me to come over there”. I told him if he’d like to he’s more than welcome to delete the game, that I just didn’t even care anymore. And I don’t! Not anymore, at this point I’m done with the games. The asking for help and getting sighs and hufs. I’m done. I don’t even know what to do from here man, like, I just don’t even know why to do! I’ve had multiple talks with him, and put my feelings on the table, explained in detail how hurt I am, and all I get is a fit. A “well, then I’ll just delete the game then! That’s the problem! I’ll fix it!” When I explain the problem is him choosing that game over our relationship I’m met with “then I’ll just delete the game!” Like that’s going to magically fix all out problems. He’s not a bad man. He’s not a bad person. I guess I just have no idea how to proceed. I feel this black hole in my chest that’s sucking up all my patience at an alarming rate. I am at the end of my ropes. Tl;dr: my husband didn’t kiss me at night night in New Year’s Eve and instead spent it with his friends in a video game. Then he tried to turn it on me.",0.4953282640949546,2.1872952047477767,2.2780183605341264,97.48762101261127,82.11572700296736,5.458790801186943,19.284959198813056,6.401486528781402,-0.22383375370919856,2384,59,587,21,64,786,242,674,0.08800000000000001,0.705,0.207,0.9979,0,1,0,0,1,0,71.0,8,4,0,2,33,52,4,1,33,1,48,8,1,2,6,104,102,54,0,12,19,3,4,6,5,2,1,7,1,4,30,48,0,1,13,21,2,10,19,17,3,3,29,15,90,34,81,66,11,91,0,6,4,6,105,33,1,8,53,371,120,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724585169163476,0.0,0.0,0.05468010922464059,0.0,0.0,0.0638871485939965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235006532983528,0.0,0.0,0.05076157205033968,0.0,0.17300169304395233,0.0,0.0,0.04743202558002813,0.10300894487293487,0.03760265750190892,0.0,0.05248946712131507,0.0,0.0,0.05455544812705255,0.134688281019981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289205897627016,0.0,0.06525464464284828,0.15940872570777898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049250523927200855,0.0,0.0,0.039781779100418815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625052459247954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05463467944126738,0.0,0.0,0.2444545157319449,0.055797694223622255,0.051972347645289296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247593370077509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382887323799222,0.0,0.12891165144990566,0.11834791568217932,0.14022822965721665,0.0,0.049335200435018635,0.0,0.06795307958846153,0.0,0.0,0.1313298477990338,0.0,0.0609012543404088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04134621465750927,0.0,0.06187517341256645,0.1225344228642504,0.06074738680724792,0.0,0.3301758160160731,0.06963495675320583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170153455596033,0.050281580250413516,0.0,0.06531560225868988,0.06702102930842968,0.0,0.0,0.18081731088684808,0.12364932816690888,0.0,0.054589362340399385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05244245649220576,0.11134640171000032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045345637736418594,0.0,0.09515068626688246,0.1787275290123843,0.0,0.2315491081492405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772208021211843,0.0,0.0,0.058312347158726185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17707289726005168,0.0,0.06201055163097419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622670021215796,0.0,0.0,0.11735329010225914,0.1962178334166573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05102654276897452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061008129960367995,0.06905140651321802,0.0,0.0,0.049261791479289725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916027533754594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387628500507632,0.0,0.0,0.11788549132659272,0.0,0.08376025215816334,0.06709566313416276,0.06025736841896969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793741034639215,0.0,0.14553385396972848,0.0,0.04948005732936984,0.0,0.11092460555879556,0.0,0.0556611980065669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04490747920444785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744296095341469,0.0,0.2780622226672773 bpd,DemonicLolita,2020/01/01,"New year I was knew my new year gonna be horrible i felt it yesterday when i was watching all my friends partying or just generally being okay without me. Im not being negative its the honest truth, all of them having great time with new people in their lives and none of them try to even talk to me now. Maybe in this year i finally end it, i have enough, i dont even have motivation towards my job or life at this point. I dont know how to carry this pain , how to walk away or just continue my life.",4.821446540880501,4.268798943396226,6.105660377358492,82.75427672955976,69.0,10.085534591194973,28.9874213836478,9.725611199111238,2.2619798742138366,392,12,89,8,6,133,70,106,0.08199999999999999,0.741,0.177,0.8716,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,3,1,8,6,0,0,1,1,10,3,0,3,3,19,14,7,0,0,7,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,4,2,16,5,13,6,4,20,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,3,13,64,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413239931012815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845358062818843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530151552473874,0.16950972938342007,0.0,0.21670980151536348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575157950215755,0.17971111632132933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674628752784134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18086807936295207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720447822537064,0.0,0.16279644956308148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015877371476974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317497764795237,0.0,0.0,0.14486105789555734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481243918661653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4753277789322147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456305880109568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373310775701448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508231223496058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318589075084136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956601304935829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138064416026047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15814042261105427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169326262857283 bpd,2000000009,2020/01/01,"Questioning whether or not I am also manic depressive, bipolar, something of the like... therapist says my unnerving, overexcitable “highs” are just part of BPD? I get these extreme highs in my mood. sometimes it’s hours, sometimes it’s days, and sometimes it’s weeks. It never feels like a natural “uplifted mood”, and never has an outer life cause— I get insanely high energy and “mad happy” in a way that I honestly don’t know how to utilize and it becomes really embarrassing for me because I become very annoying towards others at these moments. My therapist says that with borderline, you get highs AND lows, and that this is just part of that. But it doesn’t sound right to me, because my “lows” almost always have a cause. Something unsatisfactory happened, I remembered something terrible, I start thinking of something terrible, I’m overwhelmed, haven’t slept, etc etc. that’s what brings on my BPD lows which have almost always manifested as unmanageable anger. So I said, what about these highs then? They have no cause, while the lows have a cause. She didn’t really have much a response other than “that’s just how it is” I’m feeling like I’m having some depression too. I’m also grieving right now and just wondering what I should do. These highs by the way have been present in me for a couple years now and don’t feel connected to stimuli or controllable. Any advice or suggestions would be helpful.",6.3474806201550384,7.865012817829458,6.327906976744188,75.2238759689923,66.17054263565892,9.76434108527132,33.32558139534884,9.994966539143718,3.514013953488373,1129,49,191,26,18,357,141,258,0.174,0.772,0.054000000000000006,-0.9814,0,0,4,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,1,1,13,21,3,2,10,0,22,3,1,6,2,40,40,21,1,2,10,0,3,3,0,2,2,4,0,0,24,9,0,1,8,0,0,1,9,14,0,0,4,7,20,5,20,33,6,35,0,8,0,0,9,19,0,8,16,133,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094314302558836,0.0,0.0,0.16588994166262494,0.0,0.0,0.1324825396669213,0.13784686227404558,0.0,0.0,0.056329067585114995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009880742884402,0.1829643898221973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20864973905514586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255275960457964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290390182941388,0.0,0.09165279261582797,0.0,0.053420230510509314,0.0,0.1426873438015127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18476068357958755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256480861087646,0.11835137622669276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982998042699195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732486715175594,0.0881769355340449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05552100402965363,0.525103689605522,0.0,0.0,0.08157351127918991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045522678490052176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05850717645181626,0.12140360042072824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060891555765036874,0.0,0.1277713493099282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17939945597757953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279156654360864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061294806345676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938332870558,0.14147732414355585,0.07879285379123926,0.13174375465877788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550745970359581,0.2457709362825095,0.0,0.058629402166172025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923502677733976,0.0,0.0530758411651981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834564168086991,0.0,0.13149746272564145,0.06644338508682546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982851559978436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058841964228870336,0.0,0.0,0.05334153462445014 bpd,curlygirly420,2020/01/01,"DAE have a FP who acts as a splitting sacrificial lamb? My parents have joked my entire life that so long as I have a ""sacrificial lamb"" to project all of my intense negative emotions onto everyone else is safe from my wrath. When not in a romantic relationship, I have a very specific FP pattern. I'll mentally latch onto someone who I see regularly but only have to interact with on my own terms -think work receptionist or an acquaintance who gets invited to events but isn't a core member of my friend group. When I start to feel overwhelmed by an intense emotion I channel them into a seething quiet annoyance/dislike for this person. I feel torn becuase I understand this is unhealthy and toxic behavior, but it is also one of the few predictable things in my life -- I am most grounded in reality and stable when I one person to secretly intensely hate. Does anyone else do/experience this?",7.298915662650603,7.919797927710848,8.015325301204822,67.16310843373496,63.6987951807229,11.459277108433735,38.88915662650602,11.20814326018867,4.7982910843373485,720,37,118,20,10,241,109,166,0.102,0.8109999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.7452,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,1,5,5,1,1,10,0,10,2,0,0,1,17,18,13,0,0,5,1,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,9,4,0,1,5,2,0,1,3,2,0,2,0,4,17,3,21,18,5,16,0,1,1,0,12,8,0,2,7,86,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097428745515445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232619033855083,0.18062383684623987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15426735612882952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945253993944388,0.3965916478904866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16844695991243866,0.0,0.17243962270446275,0.0,0.0,0.17826902024292096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13619661622170118,0.0,0.09210113789096147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404399868131898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490292692771251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600583288614644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776528553616732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23890926292514195,0.1340719602265825,0.0,0.0,0.19574257065982575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078488577852998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892630923489048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047556064981204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936489964480446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247747546971502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171152866981591,0.11295569828534875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835179083022186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14545279945341558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833688461904702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,borderlinelittle,2020/01/01,Surprise! Alone again. Anyone else spend their New Years Eve/New Years alone? Really feeling it today 😞😞,1.7681578947368417,3.9654256842105298,1.7888157894736842,90.69796052631581,107.94736842105264,4.0052631578947375,15.276315789473689,5.985473137389443,-0.10658947368421057,84,2,14,1,4,25,15,19,0.203,0.614,0.184,-0.1025,0,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5641446089938217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904333450810117,0.27905460249480724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275133495326101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770826555792615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5260743576243978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17447428554660274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581558093945517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507687435353001 bpd,vuuuuuuuuu,2020/01/01,"Confused about borderline traits? tldr: Me schizoid but my brain sometimes switches and then I suddenly have bpd-esque symptoms - WHAT?? I hope I'm not breaking rules by posting and not having full BPD, if I did sorry. Okay so basically I have combined personality disorder with \*\*predominantly\*\* schizoid traits, almost exclusively schizoid traits (not wanting/feeling the need for social relationships, little to no interest in anything, lots of dissociation, reduced affect bla, bla, bla). However, I get psychological ""flare ups"". ""Borderline traits"" was kinda shoved into my diagnosis and my psychiatrist did say that it was basically bc of these episodes but I didn't really get a full explanation and my therapist(s) always more or less focused on recent issues rather than something that sometimes happened in the past and pretty rarely at that as well, like idk 3 times in the last 15 years? So I'm essentially clueless and I can't find anything about this either bc either people don't talk about it or I've missed something. (not currently seeing any of them bc I had to move and getting a therapist/psychiatrist is a pain where I live) But here goes what happens: 1. For some very odd reason, I make a social contact 2. In my head the ""boundaries"" between me and the person kinda disappear, i.e. I start viewing them as an extension of myself rather than seperate person. By that time I also start needing them and get anxious of being abandoned. Like I have panic attacks brought up by signs of abandonment or rejection, idk I just get very emotionally stressed. Other than that I basically start molding them into a vision of a perfect person when they're away. Ironically I don't even like to be around them for the most part when I am, towards the end it actually just intensifies my suicidal ideation, but it's necessary to interact with them, like an uncontrollable urge. 3. My mood gets out of control. I basically swing between an hyperactivity mixed with a lot of aggression (typically ends in self-harm), having a panic attack, feeling empty and wanting to die and crying uncontrollably because I feel horrible about something within a few hours. I've been seriously asked if I took drugs by other people bc of this. 4. My brain decides that it had enough, I leave the person almost immediately and we never talk again. Which also makes the mood swings and everything else disappear. I mean if anyone else told me this and said that it was bpd traits, I'd probably believe it (well, mostly bc wtf do I know about diagnosing mental illnesses but still) but in my specific context it makes literally 0 sense like what? Imagine suddenly getting dependant on something you NEVER feel a slightest need for, whilst not even particularly enjoying it and at the same time having mood swings of the century when you usually don't even feel any emotions other than depersonalisation. Does anyone actually know what this is and can point me to resources or give me some advice? Idk I just want to be able to understand that side of myself. I mean maybe my psychiatrist was just stupid (wouldn't be the first time I've encountered a psychiatrist who is wrong about something) and this is actually something completely different but I felt like bpd having people probably are more familiar with things that are somewhat similar to bpd??",6.226041666666667,8.627047538851357,6.7206756756756745,68.84572072072073,67.69932432432432,9.595495495495495,33.4481981981982,9.978442167317967,3.8666434684684674,2701,125,419,69,48,878,295,592,0.192,0.731,0.076,-0.9976,3,0,7,0,0,0,84.0,1,2,6,3,29,33,4,6,26,1,35,8,3,7,3,99,76,41,2,12,27,0,5,6,0,1,5,2,0,5,34,26,0,3,14,0,0,5,14,17,2,1,15,9,52,13,66,56,18,60,0,4,2,0,27,25,0,21,34,294,86,0,0.05906686053177662,0.0,0.17292220614584197,0.0,0.0,0.05771945249749817,0.0,0.0,0.11829385726449584,0.0,0.0,0.09447149405398568,0.049148359709979966,0.0,0.0,0.08033498130112365,0.0,0.0,0.06672873968749303,0.0,0.0826018445134637,0.06052097881344432,0.0972139867899334,0.052582028774928805,0.05521954115714572,0.13439416204749158,0.05549525983175367,0.0,0.0,0.036006609941392695,0.0,0.0,0.06654812490304372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719632155314783,0.13187630187416985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061930479473518485,0.0,0.06624850664348303,0.0,0.0,0.06488217272806092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059951620092106826,0.061302075777368875,0.061712297515290664,0.06769573948222568,0.0,0.05168980769590669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849880572975635,0.0,0.09868556536060057,0.13288453583234122,0.10463141291622137,0.061031856496410276,0.0,0.11703931292522805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053085485592807326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493298972272371,0.0,0.05671344903117447,0.0,0.05398604043964077,0.05024224139400951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21601997713162427,0.05666231485272995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446525939389503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606196396952788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586667201412926,0.05816895951081225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061650456343030624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492320363282185,0.04814737488225572,0.0,0.06254327672176903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17314250684074026,0.05920051167387744,0.052157120004609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043306514639026,0.0,0.0,0.1182827641999492,0.0,0.059340600529828876,0.1286822543252532,0.0,0.0,0.059525502742167766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277872497785714,0.0,0.13139198595252052,0.09111200839710708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285130412912435,0.1386044683359613,0.0,0.06396365393237488,0.0563860019321621,0.12284857164421527,0.25787452150664225,0.0,0.0,0.05583727529908607,0.0,0.056569724801122004,0.06009223208048992,0.12736813177974785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03783974335006094,0.060730570198396075,0.0583213988959796,0.06341570305565943,0.0,0.0,0.056186110540679686,0.04697233826505535,0.0,0.0,0.04706864043161296,0.0,0.061619617538260736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042245169400105,0.0,0.2728353298984424,0.11683727080328014,0.06612051449022625,0.12542348369956266,0.0,0.047170871120451034,0.0,0.06766088917306003,0.0,0.0,0.06460955848236406,0.0,0.0,0.0613930843894807,0.0,0.09495141016506248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716235531054086,0.03924139752951604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776944551675474,0.0,0.0,0.05644091649281136,0.06562545540245762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061490684918297935,0.0,0.0,0.06505380197255196,0.09747269184155401,0.06967832942245633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062164025256894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458033952038901,0.0,0.03803712159937126 bpd,neverouttajetfuel,2020/01/01,"Why do we seek comfort all the time? And how do you deal if you can't get the comfort you want? I feel like I'm ALWAYS craving comfort, a warm bath, cuddles, sex, a big soft blanket... But it's definitely worse when I'm going through something or I'm upset. I'm just curious why we're always seeking comfort, I didn't realize it was something characteristic of bpd till I started reading posts on here!",3.81111111111111,5.091405111111111,5.408333333333335,80.33250000000002,71.96296296296295,7.375308641975309,34.48765432098766,7.793537801064563,2.5972617283950608,318,17,61,4,6,108,58,81,0.068,0.6779999999999999,0.254,0.9127,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,1,3,0,0,4,7,0,1,4,0,5,2,0,1,1,11,14,7,0,2,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,3,7,6,4,12,1,8,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,2,5,31,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4061102759408072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073512218733213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515874722044583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339049792713898,0.17433733805940296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749725385303567,0.0,0.13868966841151287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922227524495607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23371631000957105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440991985521853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37573729745775736,0.0,0.0,0.17272792647694335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229769789158458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393708028012914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.440403939422966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486906380840761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ecaille13,2020/01/01,"Run Away I feel like a petal on the wrong flower. A sparkle from the wrong fire. A cloud in the wrong sky. An island in the wrong sea. A star in the wrong space. A black void in the wrong galaxy. All I want is to escape, but my legs are turned backward. It was as if my head detached from my body, traveled around the world, and only returned to give me tales of better lives that I could not reach. My eyes can go to the same distance than my heart, in other universes, but my whole being is stuck on the same page. I see the sun behind the moon, but I don't see light in the day. I see joy in despair, but no hope in the future.",1.0249751243781091,2.6117416716417914,2.150074626865674,99.53665422885572,80.044776119403,4.765174129353234,17.136815920398007,4.7782277997778095,-0.9443512437810946,480,8,117,1,12,152,85,134,0.171,0.7,0.129,-0.2642,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,1,11,0,0,19,0,8,5,5,0,1,15,18,7,0,4,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,3,3,7,0,0,2,8,13,4,21,14,5,22,0,1,5,0,1,16,0,2,4,76,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187100491262167,0.0,0.0,0.1180690557193842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114297647758913,0.0,0.13958862071795916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033553036906487,0.0,0.0,0.08104534910056052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635414268164367,0.08977711731267336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055202606166182,0.0714199193909546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897144077836264,0.0,0.0,0.14891697441274646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248165027109651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139495021601864,0.0,0.11096698937272438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557604161693256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004229521550556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669050416562645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412213749386126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403036356661733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8243882156774764,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheNarrMaster,2020/01/01,"Thankful for small things. I texted my former FP Happy New Year. She responded in kind. That tells me that she didn't block me, and she doesn't hate me. And now I'm ok with how things turned out.",0.13146341463414754,2.3894631219512235,0.8470243902439023,103.59492682926829,88.51219512195122,4.255609756097561,13.078048780487805,5.6839178017228535,-1.3503014634146346,152,2,37,1,5,46,32,41,0.0,0.627,0.373,0.9546,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,6,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,8,4,4,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,22,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528845709828783,0.0,0.3272845186437873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34520296694668257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320161732489417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897428664249909,0.3051977701213901,0.0,0.0,0.44046356695147904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.360573391300084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21347310889761828 bpd,EatSleepPubRepeat,2020/01/01,"Advice needed! Somebody is trying to destroy my reputation. Hi everybody, please don’t take this the wrong way. I don’t have BPD, but I’m seeking advice on how to deal with somebody who’s been diagnosed and has developed a real problem with me. SO... I slept with somebody a few times. It wasn’t a relationship, and I made it clear from the outset that I never wanted one. She developed a bit of an obsession, sleeping wearing my t-shirt every night, naming her dildo after me, telling her friends, parents and grandparents that we were dating, showering me with gifts and writing me poems. I probably told her ten times that I didn’t want to be in a relationship. Every time I told her, her heart broke like it was the first time I told her. Tears, questions etc., yet the next day she was back in love with me. Eventually the message sank in and she became incredibly bitter and desperate for revenge, writing me long hate messages, telling anybody who’d listen that I was an evil person whose been gaslighting her for months, that I’m a person who lies to girls to sleep with them and everything else under the sun. I blocked her on social media two months ago and she hasn’t let up. Can anybody suggest how I can deal with this situation? —Side note, a mutual friend of ours (T) worked out that this girl had been logged into T’s Facebook account on her laptop for weeks, reading through T’s and my conversations. There’s nothing bad, but the stalkerish nature of this whole situation has left me feeling really uncomfortable. Is this normal for BPD?",6.545544178991277,7.145151952218432,6.7467292377701975,75.68438661357605,65.31399317406144,9.514524080394388,33.001327265832394,9.444778638647367,3.013299734546833,1234,49,220,22,18,397,168,293,0.16,0.748,0.092,-0.9737,3,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,2,0,1,2,6,13,4,1,16,0,23,7,5,3,2,38,38,14,0,5,2,1,1,1,2,0,1,1,1,4,18,19,0,1,2,1,1,0,6,9,0,4,15,3,37,4,32,20,4,30,0,1,0,1,48,11,0,1,19,150,55,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20154317717306544,0.09141321228918582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929599785252997,0.08610424045304682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258470950709744,0.0,0.259762159916445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650645490132495,0.2126326513017238,0.0,0.10466869891532253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614687736668045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501053021108215,0.0,0.0,0.1737728514384629,0.0,0.09268121027839897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052142597741046175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771722981332583,0.0,0.0,0.15934670788368374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018136095673478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220244779912465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204453807583804,0.1054512865954461,0.0,0.05038118205456029,0.0,0.0,0.09126150329826843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307344481827087,0.09757843123821004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462520107035258,0.0,0.0,0.07646514637648254,0.07953559353221479,0.0,0.10967355403657268,0.09677489711871227,0.10103963402520738,0.09895026840045223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987949771833782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145070086637098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18008781486167216,0.0,0.11319919488963813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111851240732088,0.09867574990504964,0.0,0.0,0.1155224916961326,0.0,0.1031519163374648,0.11737769954799693,0.06606388113708474,0.0,0.0,0.2214331862738175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23183141484505904,0.20639696888459885,0.10512194098874618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753642121464488,0.0,0.18026985938326912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405297570002229,0.0,0.0,0.2956182311244357,0.0,0.07001443322354893,0.0,0.10073717279241892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216504253269037,0.08185503872620926,0.08271986008931569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513427385384345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075075507128623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274991572744596,0.0,0.0 bpd,gideonmt,2020/01/01,"Anyone here goes to Cornell Will regret this later, but it’s hard to find someone on campus who can truly relate to how I feel and what I’m going through.",12.674062499999998,5.875270781250002,12.008750000000004,65.96125000000002,59.9375,12.8,41.375,3.1291,3.341025,123,3,23,0,1,41,29,32,0.105,0.78,0.115,0.3291,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,5,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,5,4,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,16,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37791408848795066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27328141315504023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4939861908409332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071655371378968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.484161235817923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4579444122716418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,icemacku,2020/01/01,"Living with BPD, I've been diagnosed 3 months ago. Need advice. Short life situation: I am 23/M, live alone, have a car and mostly play video games. I never had a GF nor do I have the slightest clue of how to approach someone even through like tinder. Not that I'm anxious, or nervous, I just don't know what to say. On top of that, even though I am straight, I still have much trouble accepting my sexuality and the fact that I want a partner. I see a therapist once a month, though I don't think that's enough. I'm wondering how you guys are holding up because honestly, now that there are holidays and I have 20 days off work, I feel like crying every day and I would most sincerely drink myself to passing out every day until work starts again. Even though I work in a factory and the job is quite repetitive, and boring, it's still the only thing that keeps me ""balanced"" per se. Though weekends are still a huge problem. I honestly am starting to give up on life, had 2 suicide attempts last year (2019), (od-ing on pills), and I see no hope of me ever living a normal life. I feel like I'll just waste away my whole life alone in my room and I have no energy and motivation to do anything about it... I really need some advice. My life before the diagnosis was a complete wreck which lasted about 2 years. I was always drunk, binge-eating, binge-spending etc. Now not so much, so I've made some progress, but things still look grim. Did any of you get prescribed any pills? because mine don't seem to be of much help. Maybe except abilify. I am currently drinking: Abilify 10mg in morning, Klonopin .5mg in morning and before sleep Trazodone 150mg before sleep and Campral 333mg 3 times a day bcoz I was abusing alcohol.",3.7390283400809694,5.159808777777776,4.617777777777778,85.38384615384619,72.33333333333334,7.600719748088169,27.481331533963115,8.139509932561175,1.7134751237067032,1350,49,272,20,26,437,197,342,0.106,0.787,0.107,-0.5943,2,2,3,0,0,1,55.0,0,2,0,8,24,14,0,1,15,0,27,14,2,4,3,47,48,23,1,7,7,0,2,3,2,1,9,1,1,2,12,13,4,2,8,8,0,3,9,5,0,0,8,6,31,9,29,38,10,47,0,1,3,0,9,17,0,8,30,165,43,5,0.0,0.09562219652529744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577279319594216,0.07154008947551595,0.0862490726340544,0.0,0.16717202622888994,0.0,0.0,0.06715300302431759,0.0,0.0,0.10976429883126718,0.0,0.0,0.09117364820484963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641331661354266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582497917138653,0.0,0.0,0.09839400543814213,0.0,0.2060219645294087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164508880831756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461762915229383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886506236859628,0.20819212519470814,0.0,0.0,0.08191384919282445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812029849054235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833898113399485,0.09000737875722481,0.15991462138737356,0.07300226890341684,0.1359948417630856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161371894643663,0.11531129827072845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04216501763591436,0.07741956441930989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991061210156716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05409484249419117,0.0,0.0,0.0801582485829133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008723313557863,0.07173428854336668,0.0,0.0,0.04435334277308528,0.1315706497698044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28502154727339457,0.11828512033895194,0.0,0.21379191033498465,0.0,0.06777185160408823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763649972126387,0.0,0.0,0.08107899328398653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288358796236185,0.0,0.17798232448624238,0.11968343036073625,0.062244650803678615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907373866120926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594816276466842,0.0,0.06137976898969715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772237601161949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583967340147501,0.0,0.0,0.0517016725404584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417983412235866,0.0,0.0,0.1286228298118684,0.07347077673283517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907157715275531,0.16152651516903602,0.0,0.0683810620794493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424679114281687,0.0,0.2578043840895975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827814197194872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937046944734651,0.10723359650364668,0.051712488242190935,0.31716890648622365,0.0,0.04705971901218185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04760188431563745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010422068032847,0.0,0.0,0.08752110102803635,0.17626254551947748,0.0,0.0,0.057330497577268484,0.0,0.0,0.1039427137292739 bpd,SetYourEgoAside,2020/01/01,"I think the hardest part of this illness is figuring out my identity outside of relationships. My whole dating life has been narcissistic, mean boyfriends who told me who I am and what I'm worth. I'm either the best girlfriend they ever had that could do no wrong or if we had an argument I was a whore and a bitch and worth absolutely nothing. But I had an identity. They could tell me what I'm worth and I'd agree. They could tell me how to dress, how to look, how to act, how to make them happy and that was who I'd become. I'm now seeing a guy who doesn't do this and it's stressing me out. He doesn't call me the most gorgeous girl he's met or give me any pet names and when I've made him upset I am waiting to be screamed at and be told I'm worthless and nothing happens. I'm finding this relationship so hard, I want to be told who I am so badly from him and he's not giving it to me. I wake up in a panic every morning because I don't feel good enough for him and I don't know who I'm suppose to be. I don't know how to create my own identity and it's so so scary. I wish I knew who I was.",0.33302573203194186,1.9410946326530616,2.7243478260869587,94.50304347826088,82.26530612244899,5.730257320319433,21.264418811002663,6.7026698264267655,0.2037577639751551,855,26,209,9,23,294,122,245,0.185,0.7090000000000001,0.106,-0.9642,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,4,1,12,13,1,3,9,0,26,4,1,7,1,45,53,26,0,6,6,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,1,2,17,15,0,1,8,0,3,1,7,9,0,0,13,5,32,4,18,33,7,10,0,1,2,1,33,5,1,4,4,139,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909325602764234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116486190896299,0.08151301402741623,0.14768059475515294,0.0,0.0,0.14032838213484716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365406304915183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202878930191347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381660362585838,0.0,0.0,0.12095523386124266,0.1126628537473224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761164145810497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221547318128027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565482322792539,0.0,0.11215598720747656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240145710440662,0.11824604104930188,0.14234488247695834,0.11978471388196085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697540304518647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944487025507589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228911488802028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652683588352875,0.08925754311153294,0.0,0.0,0.14565767811753338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256611306651804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688880444620368,0.0,0.1448031411099516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28712534177187193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655562281476698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15317307064586638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337501702323136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568084530573004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833187205310791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887011097218459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929093640491006,0.1537686525109116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619921536043282,0.0,0.0 bpd,hidden_sirt,2020/01/01,"I made a mess at the new year party Well I drank too much, made a fool of myself, embarrassed my girlfriend. And I know she is going to be mad at me the whole day. 2020 starts great!",0.23192307692307426,2.1209952051282066,1.827884615384616,99.3233653846154,84.12820512820512,4.925641025641027,14.878205128205128,5.985473137389443,-0.9342871794871797,139,2,34,1,4,45,33,39,0.24100000000000002,0.5710000000000001,0.188,-0.3595,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,1,4,0,2,1,0,2,0,4,8,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,3,0,7,2,4,4,2,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20112868765306596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772414434487408,0.0,0.0,0.34383493478852256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139417961432069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5901929924638075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292584397921308,0.0,0.0,0.301203500451774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22074136713517475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28040626700176485,0.0,0.0,0.34818884029331865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20083239540319134 bpd,FallenFromChen,2020/01/01,"Turning myself into the villain Ever since the Joker movie came out I've been obsessing over the whole villain/hero themes. I consider myself a good person and I try my best to be respectful of other peoples boundaries, be kind, gracious and generous. I go out of my way to help others because I'm an idealist (INFP) and because no one has ever done that for me, so in a way I'm helping myself. However, it seems like no matter what, helping others has always resulted in me being used, and taken advantage of. I AM SO SICK OF IT. People often gaslight me into thinking it has been my fault that I have 'agreed' or haven't 'objected hard enough'. It makes me hate myself even more. I mean, they are right. It was my fault for not setting harder boundaries, and how can I expect other people to be good if i know with all of my being that the world is a cruel place and people are shit? I'm stupid. That's my narrative. But i wanna change that. A part of me, the dark side, the shadow, the Kyuubi or 'the moster' as I call it, wants to come out and wreak havoc. Take revenge of people who have wronged me, take control back of my life, and just finally letting go of that narrative that keeps hurting me, whether it's based in the ""true"" reality or not. (Pls keep in mind I'm not talking about anything crime related ok) I know that the ideal is that I befriend my monster, but I dont know how to let it out without letting it take control over me. So a part of me wants to go full apeshit villain, but the rational part of me knows it's not what's gonna make me feel better long term. Have any of you had these thoughts?",4.150442035029194,4.864921076452603,5.254524603836534,83.86400542118433,70.65137614678899,7.9026410897970525,28.62510425354462,8.00094639256281,1.8018513761467885,1260,45,254,16,22,417,172,327,0.12300000000000001,0.773,0.10300000000000001,-0.8671,1,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,1,1,6,12,22,6,1,17,1,27,3,1,8,4,62,59,22,0,6,14,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,27,17,0,4,9,0,0,5,9,11,0,1,8,2,38,11,37,42,10,31,0,1,0,0,9,17,1,6,7,189,65,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812021583030963,0.0,0.0,0.0663641056119061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030772126651814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504018759721938,0.0,0.11897912596359166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102414003785171,0.08630985103086475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964963919095507,0.11161622020188106,0.0,0.0,0.10323659417258893,0.08406458530543409,0.0,0.0,0.21890951216080887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986778904985363,0.11437399334078754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083588754533802,0.0,0.06445684638593109,0.1765503113489599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04934410843244864,0.0,0.0,0.10690436461635452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638683249173067,0.16370663615801406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742089058736742,0.09634928078075844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19623625597221803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447141934559742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734837994348248,0.0,0.1016242923023703,0.21453022196653504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993751718670611,0.06893024513916837,0.04767722779370063,0.0,0.0,0.08636350526343521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028330005679722,0.0,0.0,0.10630341325914787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853742558206244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612907031872642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31703927351250905,0.0,0.3382808439870549,0.08521125767485395,0.10196010165252473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833407731005463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884168055374543,0.0,0.0,0.10017406708480543,0.08072692015568597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22012514191641525,0.07843862424731135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253131605996508,0.0,0.07747504438359804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625676384549682,0.10614919112093343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428586653239041,0.0,0.0,0.11512145612681925,0.154923769878417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895502601442313,0.0,0.0940726525184354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669863620977534,0.0,0.0 bpd,Katyafan,2020/01/01,"What is something positive you can look forward to in the new year? Is anyone going on vacation? New semesters can be fun. Any big events? Weddings? Births? What are you looking forward to? If you don't have anything yet, what is something you would love to do this new year?",1.3846153846153868,4.071303230769232,1.6950000000000005,94.4875,93.6153846153846,4.138461538461539,25.73076923076923,5.985473137389443,0.8719923076923082,216,10,41,2,8,65,36,52,0.0,0.799,0.201,0.9195,0,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,11,1,0,0,0,2,15,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,5,13,0,14,0,0,2,1,6,5,0,1,10,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803673149864558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624961543681164,0.0,0.19124148010499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207556971223233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39030694056856297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20974577625637936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6733463090926319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578184171341511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508690983814914,0.0,0.0,0.2993098287108004 bpd,mamaofboys_,2020/01/01,"Best friend with BPD Hey everyone, me again. So I’ve recently reconciled with my best friend after a few months of not speaking, during the time that we weren’t speaking she finally got some answers about her mental health and that was that she in fact has BPD. I’m looking at sending her a gift, one because I miss her so terribly and also because I want her to know that I’m on board and that I am here for her. (Things didn’t end nicely between us and I hurt her.) She’s also explained to me that I am her ‘FP’ and that she doesn’t want to scare me off, but she wanted me to know this if we were going to be on speaking terms again. I’ve made a post about that already and I’ve learnt a lot about what that means for someone with BPD. I wanted to do her something such as a wellbeing box, journals, etc. Things I know she is using at the moment that she enjoys. But is there anything in particular you think would make a really nice gift in general?",3.4415518491660606,4.362378365482236,4.453187092095722,88.19818527918783,72.4517766497462,7.4559825960841195,25.74655547498187,7.7094869923839395,1.203580420594634,746,23,161,9,14,243,110,197,0.040999999999999995,0.816,0.14300000000000002,0.9583,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,3,1,0,2,12,11,0,1,8,0,13,1,0,3,1,35,32,14,0,6,4,0,0,0,2,1,1,3,0,0,14,11,0,0,8,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,6,4,31,7,26,24,7,21,0,2,1,0,27,8,0,3,10,118,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419380364800194,0.20898800955774724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752744943777133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593062503758801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27425299684903265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4937098930490137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573179265102,0.0,0.14572776006145555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485750239862994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313883496722607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019053278898698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426082007104452,0.0,0.10450598860527767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388924482936698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988126028498604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21543278060547374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972700533941927,0.0,0.0,0.1110880408366006,0.0,0.12363986313737485,0.08722094674403302,0.0,0.0,0.1423341954424393,0.0,0.0,0.13168116436161126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429680550823836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885430460847638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251424496437001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370834741309571,0.0,0.1290174691524311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308200264776126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071335644980776,0.10059350548629192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361811928731458,0.08372585873282015,0.0,0.0,0.07619272481275625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571757890803716,0.11285395861006595,0.0,0.0,0.3082821018367034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928217787308179,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kidvisions,2020/01/01,"Is it my BPD or is it really him the problem? We had a very beautiful and long love story. Our parents made it so hard for us to get married but we fought for our love. After getting married problems started. He has become too critical, sometimes even agressive and borderline abusive. He always apologizes later, but I have seen such a strong anger in him that was only there after marriage. There were some red flags, but I thought they were just because he was stressed and I also can lose it when I am too stressed. Recently, I adopted a cat and my life became a nightmare when the cat scratched him. He was trying to force me to get rid of it, manipulating me and pressuring me. I have to say that before, I was not so assertive but recently I learned to be assertive and when ai stepped my foot down, the fights and problems made me have severe anxiety. I am not sure if this is because he over reacted or because like my psychiatrist said I have BPD traits. I met someone, who knows I'm married and respects that. He seems interested in me and is giving me so much attention. He's interested in a friendship but I feel like he would want more if I was single. Now, I can't stop thinking about this possibility and wondering if it would be a good idea to leave and start afresh. The thing is, what if I haven't met this guy? I might have wanted to improve my relationship. But what if the reason I'm interested in a new relationship is because I don't want to work on this one? I'm worried I might regret because we have been together for ten years. I feel however, like something has been broken this time... LTDR: After 10 years and being married for three years, I discover things in my husband that make me want to leave, but I'm worried I'd regret later.",4.438901734104043,5.716741063583817,5.393149132947979,81.04693757225436,70.44508670520231,8.194959537572254,31.181040462427745,8.608573733854374,2.4416202543352594,1392,60,268,23,25,457,172,346,0.18600000000000005,0.6579999999999999,0.157,-0.8938,2,0,1,0,1,0,37.0,6,0,1,3,16,24,3,3,12,0,37,4,1,6,1,64,68,33,0,16,17,2,4,3,0,4,1,2,0,1,20,15,0,1,11,0,0,1,5,12,0,3,18,8,43,12,26,43,4,29,0,3,2,2,35,8,0,12,23,188,63,2,0.0,0.11188204220198468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551424211587285,0.07857187338683477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223735729112313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878129416829531,0.10428858977456693,0.08035149078912526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23785816534068135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236897243846934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549152685496454,0.06745956487246227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800459895336388,0.09058418744155236,0.0,0.0792019409187406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349881931616873,0.0,0.0,0.08458916967399199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065980070482409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05189529992259277,0.0,0.0,0.1999717772384884,0.0,0.0,0.06669746970742409,0.13839862821105894,0.0,0.0,0.08356603497499802,0.0,0.10564106452377788,0.0,0.0,0.17045037532435095,0.1787005977976787,0.06303159405118514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003469142425548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941563313042763,0.0,0.0,0.0911993979541974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398703001067822,0.071816943701315,0.0,0.0,0.10485140333049424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645367040506032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710652642045397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049315869411592,0.097087974054396,0.1864730215550814,0.20276121606616332,0.0,0.0,0.08982289520039784,0.07509313915304636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596393768115322,0.0,0.10667705121650528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000875478075284,0.07269548472805804,0.09339195959529203,0.0,0.13367361107104836,0.0,0.0,0.07894625013792078,0.21633449615478528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899751365984666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546787467193954,0.06050581352575182,0.0,0.07496548743477616,0.05506187537891941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411058731293948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113585565186111,0.0,0.0,0.07791320043274404,0.2227849274927362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240341546841984,0.06874489491995098,0.1917929550172658,0.0,0.1341582474044884,0.0,0.0,0.1824261025153949 bpd,blackbear2044,2020/01/01,"I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be alone yet here I am alone again. I know I have good people in my life and that I am truly not alone but I sit here in my bed on new year's and I am alone. I was alone yesterday and the day prior and so forth and so on. I am at a lost of what to do with my life anymore. I've ruined every good thing that came my way since I could last remember. I often ask myself ""Why do I ruin the good in my life?"" I don't feel like I'll ever really achieve anything on life. I'll never own a home, I'll never hold a job, I'll never be anything. I know that that sounds incredibly pessimistic but it's how I feel things will be. I've often thought that either one of three things will happen, or quite possibly all three; I will end up homeless and on the street, I will eventually end up achieving killing myself, or I'll fall deeper into addiction and become an alcoholic or drug addict. As I said all three together is pretty plausible as well. I have no motivation or drive for my life anymore. It's always been hard cause I've dealt with hardships in life for as long as I can remember. Abuse, bullying, drugs and alcohol, foster care, mental health issues, major depression, my BPD diagnosis, my sexuality, (I'm openly gay and very comfortable with who I am) I've had times where I was technically homeless. Ice done some good in my life and I have good people in my life and I've accomplished things ive never thought I'd actually accomplish. I've graduated with my mature grade 12 two years ago now at the age of 25, I got into college for culinary arts, and I've made people proud of me. Since then I've kinda thrown it all away and I fell back on to so much negative coping mechanisms, I started to drink a lot more again, I started doing drugs like crack and meth, I dropped out of college, I've been to the psychward a few times again, I've ruin some relationships and some friendships, and I've done absolutely nothing but hate myself for everything. I'm over a month sober from drugs and alcohol and I'm not sure how I feel about that. I know I can easily just fall back into it, the impulsivity of BPD am I right? I'm scared for my future cause I dont know where I'll be in a few years. I'm like to depressed to function. Sometimes I wonder is this all really is my BPD or am I just a depressed asshole? I've been in my room for months and haven't really left it or tried to do anything with my life. I've left it either to drink or party or maybe hook up with someone I barely know. A friend of mine offered me a job once and I totally had a panicky attack and bailed. Deleted most of my social media in and off for months and permanently recently. I scroll on my facebook feed and it just makes me feel incredibly lonely. Everyone else seems so happy and I'm just empty inside. No one ever messages me or talks to me so in the end I thought ""what's the point?"" I'm babbling at this point as i write this, laying in bed lonely with absolutely no one to talk to. I know people love me and tell me that I'm an amazing guy who has overcome so much and believe me I have. But the thing is I just don't love myself and I haven't for a very long time now. Usually in the past I've picked myself up against the overwhelming odds and conquered my hardships but this time around things just feel different. Will I actually be able to pick myself up? Do I ever want to anymore? I honestly often fantasize about being a totally drug addict and loser and I don't know why? Maybe so someone could say ""maybe if we were there for him more"" But even that thought is just ridiculous isn't it? Who thinks like that? I wonder of I can pick myself up go back to college, get a good job, live a clean and sober life, work on my mental health and see a therapist again and take my meds regularly, work out again and get into shape, get myself a confidence I've never had, make my friends and family happy, maybe even meet a nice sweet, cute guy and fall in love and have a happy long relationship. All of these just seem like what ifs? And maybes. It's new years and I'm playing my xbox by myself again, no friends are messaging me, I'm bored out of my mine and it's 2:57 am. I'll probably be awake all night again and fall asleep and stay asleep for most of the day tomorrow. I thought about drinking tonight to just ease the quiet and the loneliness. I didn't though cause I'm too nervous to leave my house anyways. I don't feel like taking a shower or shaving and leaving to enter the world. I also thought I shouldnt drink just because I'm sad. It never leads to anything good. I'm 27 and I should be happy right? I have a whole life a head of me. Has anyone ever seen a meme where it talked about not knowing what to do with your life past the age 18 because you've never thought you actually live this long and now you just kinda lost unsure of what to do. Sometimes I feel like I just want to live at a psychward but I'm stuck in between being crazy and not crazy enough. I just have felt like a nobody my entire life and let's face it (for me atleast) as depressed and suicidal as I've felt I'm too scared to take my life yet I think about not being here anymore quite a bit. I don't know what to talk about anymore I'm sure I could go on and on... I'm just tired of feeling alone. On new year's day.",2.6244891989198926,4.00432272817282,4.097026327632765,88.17544048154815,75.0936093609361,7.1742124212421245,23.69610711071107,7.806770275312856,1.0180692169216925,4185,123,911,59,88,1390,377,1111,0.158,0.7040000000000001,0.138,-0.7949,5,11,13,0,1,3,104.0,1,3,0,15,67,59,4,4,44,0,79,41,4,13,21,200,160,89,2,11,40,0,11,8,3,7,28,4,6,2,43,70,8,1,35,7,0,11,30,22,1,7,29,18,118,37,121,109,27,142,0,14,2,4,32,59,0,27,76,584,161,16,0.03487985820299922,0.041326928373932564,0.10211313037827632,0.1140725817051242,0.0,0.0,0.0309188897667416,0.11182788233031288,0.0,0.2528750971842159,0.0,0.027893410003192804,0.02902283619207853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17295723419943826,0.024388807852635197,0.0,0.11481260537816933,0.031050468760039533,0.03260795898505138,0.03968087412573382,0.03277077495643809,0.08046137385884843,0.0,0.04252487563481831,0.038522063013929415,0.0,0.039297655900382575,0.0,0.0,0.038079771353603034,0.0,0.13178988113806936,0.0,0.0,0.039893265683981695,0.03556234005864845,0.1074936674208503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835461857256048,0.0,0.0,0.06748386900678137,0.0,0.12016788304114535,0.0,0.0,0.036442028022746105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138840993955298,0.04087893404228623,0.13667592855294228,0.2022478094669804,0.0,0.029137645842957638,0.0,0.09267960443235086,0.03604021749751455,0.0,0.04607563476660732,0.12620331461672354,0.029387784891975667,0.033329199256450934,0.03134776748661547,0.0,0.03288162608590304,0.0,0.14109043463929807,0.07475453300864356,0.06698026753415093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084427577322381,0.0,0.05466985889402884,0.0,0.03964605444682436,0.20478899137908455,0.027896608940624696,0.0,0.0,0.06907308684892817,0.030844143416411524,0.148521030581682,0.03124550184752958,0.03443663877611375,0.035796797355612385,0.07415131642817202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03498734170741294,0.0,0.0,0.04024667330685562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03640550989227298,0.10383863164819304,0.0,0.038589395220687626,0.0,0.17252152093144624,0.02843173978810438,0.0,0.07386546716606507,0.07579413598929276,0.035667018195261295,0.3449134551622708,0.13632429494635487,0.0,0.09239866146562184,0.1234703076181076,0.0,0.0,0.0761509710677106,0.029653608128656955,0.09444130148637583,0.03300416519136702,0.046565152394079434,0.0,0.17520752868249626,0.0,0.038743659362364284,0.0,0.0703013864768412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835223101331281,0.0,0.0512814182142534,0.0,0.1883104784484292,0.10106155320783096,0.0,0.03273238409712026,0.0,0.03346816466075559,0.0,0.0,0.03714591063076921,0.07090648384853301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659354278596864,0.09672520757695187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594548033668357,0.03932179932888382,0.0,0.035485355327825575,0.03760638652589735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419804529100123,0.0,0.0,0.06703479094396571,0.0,0.03443965203801458,0.07489582857497351,0.0790241598440075,0.05957441665010794,0.033178732558210695,0.02773786321802273,0.06984164580332625,0.0,0.027794731077325392,0.06350662582430411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05770595828806041,0.0,0.0,0.0355556229138385,0.05910718133196629,0.0,0.06899414327686221,0.0,0.049376286323455566,0.03717728793159039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03815290364401328,0.0,0.0657477071403211,0.0,0.07867593755022835,0.11214043519209818,0.030486533461403592,0.0,0.0,0.04049820373851823,0.13903576752118346,0.04469920949907203,0.034269283589733725,0.1938349790664873,0.08135490325823308,0.040089265969926124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023681134145812008,0.0,0.03407255322270813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03841523602135409,0.05755907186346919,0.0822921762963739,0.0276860079177792,0.0,0.0,0.031361181427067966,0.0,0.06294729362662979,0.038942116052101065,0.0,0.0,0.07565143669203371,0.05078590437777936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123074255082982 bpd,sortadark,2020/01/01,I’m just tryna talk to people who get how much life fucking sucks HMU... happy new year,0.8633333333333333,3.1244908888888894,2.342222222222226,94.30000000000004,84.55555555555556,3.6,14.555555555555555,3.1291,-1.1929777777777772,68,1,14,0,2,22,18,18,0.128,0.6890000000000001,0.182,0.2893,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,2,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847254490700709,0.21742203534211527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44300111725327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29394018263972943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059193095317554,0.0,0.0,0.4019218091613188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885071215525823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33448689310060936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26798798678495434 bpd,Only-Owl,2020/01/01,"Having a hard time being alone on NYE. I sure people on this sub are probably in the same mindset that I am right now, but NYE this year has been difficult. I don't really have any friends, no contact with my family, but I have a boyfriend/SO/FP of 4 years who is married and in an open relationship. Holidays are always so hard because I want nothing more than to spend it with him, but that's never going to be a possibility with this arrangement. On Christmas I expressed to him that I was lonely and having a hard time, thinking that he would be empathetic. Instead he got angry and said * ""who the fuck wants to get every. single. holiday. interrupted by someone complaining about the same shit they complained about last holiday."" * ""I don't remember the last Christmas, New Year, whatever bullshit holiday I had that wasn't interrupted by you venting about the exact same problem. It's just another day to me and even if I was single, had zero family, etc. I would not feel lonely."" * ""I'm just not that kind of person. If I see a problem I fucking fix it. I can't handle people who don't. It's another form of entrapment. Fix your problems or suffer in silence for the rest of your life."" I haven't heard from him in 12 hours. I've texted him twice asking him what he was doing and to say happy new year but nothing. But he was viewing my IG stories. I'm terrified of reaching out again on the chance that he's going to get mad that I'm interrupting him again. I feel like such a burden. I've been crying pretty much since midnight when I knew he was kissing his wife while I was locked in my room alone. We seemed fine today. In the past 3 NYEs I've known him, he always texts me instantly saying happy new year and how much he loves me. I feel so stupid for even getting upset over this. Idk why I'm even making this post. I don't know what to do, but I know people here can related to how hard NYE/holidays are when we're alone with BPD.",3.0616256393861896,4.7256913094629205,4.536437819693094,84.30151094948852,74.52429667519179,7.5473465473145795,25.26222826086957,8.278499904357787,1.5872844629156004,1526,51,306,26,32,509,198,391,0.221,0.654,0.126,-0.9911,0,7,0,0,0,0,51.0,1,3,1,0,20,25,5,1,15,0,35,6,1,3,3,52,63,22,0,9,13,1,7,1,1,2,1,4,1,1,22,13,0,0,10,4,1,2,11,16,0,2,15,13,40,9,39,43,11,41,0,3,2,4,38,15,3,4,24,201,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27228342025211444,0.0,0.0,0.14583500007851513,0.0,0.0,0.05959330114722995,0.18378123889679315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192482756807751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342013441156414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037042921947797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962605031045384,0.05651589881825884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097733723712799,0.17364189069949884,0.0,0.07383440377199267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16522478751157332,0.0,0.1329293126100199,0.06260488152062152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770487491130361,0.16203020150227054,0.1373535450384272,0.0,0.09960746625692496,0.0,0.07008794626620099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865734654876053,0.3140070621789486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630064426243599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912560637894406,0.0963213773843144,0.14286483742626865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189763003441856,0.042812953893939736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909201291544714,0.0,0.05849556671601349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884036521804892,0.0,0.06758780878015591,0.2539088792435377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817204781871795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365541235483244,0.182260624373815,0.07651757064952827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879280181756143,0.08392798731732656,0.08915405032730815,0.09448296757871302,0.2515582302074486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05613980819492722,0.0,0.0,0.09408481905270234,0.0992708662308554,0.07483792244964406,0.08335884944546422,0.1393782212670954,0.0,0.0,0.06983198647467816,0.07977759927371815,0.0,0.0,0.08995379794369786,0.07249074811102554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425097720584609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259286594626428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05615155232990241,0.0,0.0,0.10219876724427666,0.0,0.08306563674075193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337617813449976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907496109466576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450363709951487,0.0,0.0,0.28216321277881856 bpd,eyes-lungs-pancreas,2020/01/01,"i hate new years. tw for self harm and suicide dunno if this is a bpd thing. maybe. because new year is touted as this TiMe oF gReAt ChAnGe WoW and i hate change, can't cope with change, resent change, etc. looking at 01/01/20 on my screen and phone and everything is making me feel angry, it's stupid. i think it's probably because it's just one more thing that's outside of my control. i couldn't stop this from happening, i couldn't stay put, where i was, in my safety net. 2019 had already been written off as absolutely fucking shit, and i'd come to terms with it. now it's ThE nEw YeAr i have to go through it all over again, the same shit, only every fucking person around me naively thinks all the usual bullshit, like ""This will be *THE* year!"" and ""New year, new me!"" etc. i just can't be doing with it. it's draining. disappointing. heartbreaking, even. i know what this year will be like, i have bpd, it will be exactly the same as all the years that came before it. no friends, no romantic relationships. fleeting loves that make me feel like i'm 10 miles high, floating on cloud 9. that will all come swiftly crashing back down to earth, breaking me into a million pieces, making me self harm, suicidal, all the fucking usual stuff that comes with feeling every fucking emotion at 4000% the intensity of NORMAL people. this is a vent, i'm sad, i'm mad, i hate all of this.",2.4676074660633494,4.6742331250000015,3.196617647058826,90.77756787330318,78.04411764705883,5.802262443438915,24.064479638009054,6.844919456158928,0.776154524886878,1078,37,220,11,26,339,145,272,0.213,0.68,0.107,-0.9882,0,0,0,0,0,1,53.0,0,0,0,1,8,24,12,0,11,0,22,7,2,4,7,43,50,10,2,4,3,0,3,3,1,4,0,0,0,3,26,16,0,2,6,0,0,6,6,17,0,2,5,5,20,7,27,35,13,41,0,3,2,5,7,13,6,2,23,136,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664296089461028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698947589735867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060372983695342886,0.0,0.09572370568210356,0.0,0.0668102553905418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977731168030472,0.0,0.0,0.08979993864825661,0.0,0.0,0.3322327097687264,0.202900472420546,0.0,0.0,0.08806094994976871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831850747975452,0.0,0.0,0.1751293647414481,0.05185824103743628,0.0,0.1323040987024144,0.0,0.07056397987964665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909822520075265,0.0560909413553034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066028839727421,0.290342424089029,0.0,0.0,0.04462173246448206,0.0,0.0,0.08656277094986099,0.0,0.0,0.06943031960313893,0.0,0.0,0.2325511333549873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295512678196718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04314964423617673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150749986798366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593260176362464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086261247298982,0.0,0.1572275830183814,0.0,0.07887860297543067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791500947240804,0.0,0.0,0.0769277686489525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05320361544896501,0.0597139928946084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05443223033529323,0.06855603690487372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846521623363662,0.0,0.0,0.07892899315968456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429544054278196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16381598109561193,0.0,0.16118849145924166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836862592752315,0.0,0.06564183292731042,0.0,0.0,0.08988058546008927,0.17176475015235104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104323400447416,0.10061814198013799,0.0,0.0,0.04578257254743636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17294577311383375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35392639951794325 bpd,manicinmke,2020/01/01,"New Year's is TRIGGERING It is every damn year, and I always forget until it actually comes along. There's no significant trauma or anything that has ever happened on New Year's. It's just, idk. A reminder every year that I'm still alive and still suicidal and still horribly depressed no matter what I do? A reminder that I'm alone? My brother spent New Year's with me when he saw me crying about how alone I felt and it was really nice of him. But I had to drive home after countdown since I work today in the afternoon. It was just watching TV and like that was it. But I was trying to plan in advance to be with friends and actually go out this year to reign in the new decade. And everything fell through. And Facebook is such a dark fucking black hole and I see everyone looking all done up and going out and partying. And I know I just don't really get to do that stuff because I don't really have friends. I have some friends but it's like idk. Maybe I'm just hella splitting right now, but they don't care enough about me to keep solid plans with me or do things with me or party with me. I'm honestly sad but also angry like no one fucking cares about me! It's all fake. I'm 24 and I'm supposed to be in my prime with this stuff but instead I'm always doing stuff like spending New Year's alone. I just don't want to be alive another year living in this stupid fucking hell I'm living. Idc what people say it DOESN'T get better it only gets drastically worse until you fucking die. EVERY NEW YEAR'S I FEEL THIS WAY LIKE IT'S A FUCKING NEW YEAR'S CURSE.",1.6438888888888885,3.7619812746913577,3.254429012345682,89.7636805555556,80.3888888888889,6.025308641975308,22.162037037037038,7.1686216300943375,0.7206777777777784,1239,39,259,16,32,409,153,324,0.217,0.654,0.129,-0.9873,0,3,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,1,1,5,19,25,8,0,6,0,24,5,0,2,3,50,55,27,2,1,14,1,2,5,3,0,0,1,1,0,26,23,0,1,3,1,2,6,8,12,0,1,9,8,25,13,32,43,4,45,1,2,5,5,9,10,7,4,33,159,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.1372325312337058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21847211861703508,0.0,0.0562300349420891,0.11701366688492396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373030018990673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05786238408523532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0428627271204941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062186968723883775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337950246250755,0.0,0.0,0.0605692360111459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723656487390138,0.0,0.0,0.0605612962125018,0.0,0.07297477186111294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195557633329458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265309938705118,0.0,0.0,0.06360298713830205,0.17772758918582282,0.06718798592813026,0.06319363824383993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03555284235978213,0.0,0.06751241213327226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629731341946331,0.32502053714259577,0.11020839960185752,0.0,0.07992206856765541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062178387721870676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053061803893647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062498263411994485,0.0,0.0,0.038642704292786836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17175920466993289,0.0,0.12417700004456175,0.0,0.059046003236099265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063980674149305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4753675112113537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04764654762501621,0.05347692224153512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04874683483670757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351347374409716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060047723270598735,0.0,0.055916469796621335,0.0,0.0,0.056031109122372635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058164420386983134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16845841750968946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414779273673473,0.07691204140330853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04671345946958703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664939652301202,0.0,0.0,0.047738551877840985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0414729854477814,0.05581193523651225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05118938805619775,0.0,0.0716559151692354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4527987406247446 bpd,angelicnips,2020/01/01,Bpd ruined my relationship Because of this fucked up disorder I became clingy and jealous and my boyfriend broke up with me. I hate this mental illness,6.951111111111113,9.011305777777778,6.282407407407407,74.06583333333336,65.2962962962963,8.362962962962964,35.72222222222222,8.841846274778883,3.3966444444444437,124,6,19,2,2,38,22,27,0.564,0.436,0.0,-0.9728,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,2,0,2,0,2,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,13,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260994948094458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4671403126051213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4250878525525267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34289455752104514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36619068316990544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737837613757272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3982118407483666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AlohomoraCorazon,2020/01/01,"I’m curious to know... How many people here have high functioning BPD and what made you realize that maybe you should talk to a professional? I guess I want to know what your wake up call was. Did it involve something catastrophic or did it kind of chip away at you over time? I’m curious because I’m in my 30’s and I was never really labeled as a problem child or someone with behavioral issues. My friends may describe me as eccentric, but I’ve hid my inner thoughts from some of them for several years without any suspicion.",3.5437756202804738,5.6470770776699055,4.797605177993528,81.04995685005395,74.33980582524272,8.849622437971954,30.861920172599785,9.444778638647367,3.0836567421790733,421,20,80,11,9,139,78,103,0.057,0.847,0.096,0.4505,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,4,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,7,1,1,2,1,20,16,8,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,0,12,2,16,8,1,10,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,5,3,51,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536983886629604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20084244370073506,0.0,0.0,0.13031122931819536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692338098807477,0.0,0.21828143178765005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515693151488434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23548998728826706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258580457615092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22311866535517894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226068875739744,0.2349630384654121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022728238239188,0.0,0.2167276000087053,0.21475908495991167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648713644411692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820008897439396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045474837314397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694550753479587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414974393225183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811252671741041,0.16456935406383813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17181893830389994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970822727673768,0.12465007006349715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608613777661384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060651042041104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765983755226116 bpd,energydrinksforbreak,2020/01/01,"I gave a stranger $100 today I was at Walmart, buying alcohol, knowing I shouldn't drink when I'm depressed. A lady was at the register next to me, with her two girls, and said to the cashier ""start ringing it up, I don't know if I have enough, but my house burned down on Saturday, and me kids just need some clothes"" So I took money out at the ATM, and gave it to her. She immediately jumped on me and started crying, and thanked me. One of her daughters, she must have been like 10, thanked me several times. I turned around and walked away. I feel like they needed something, and I know it's not going to fix their mess that they're in, but I was just trying to do a good thing for somebody. Really, I didn't do it to be nice. It wasn't some selfless act. I just wanted to feel better about myself. I ended up just feeling worse. I'm still a piece of shit. Why can't I just be happy? I fucking hate myself.",2.305543859649124,3.5878602210526367,3.5721052631578982,92.01307017543863,75.73684210526315,6.32982456140351,23.719298245614038,6.742157984588678,0.550971929824561,702,21,159,6,15,229,116,190,0.139,0.725,0.136,-0.4091,0,0,3,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,2,1,10,13,3,0,7,0,16,4,1,0,1,32,39,12,0,6,9,1,3,2,0,2,1,2,0,2,7,10,2,0,6,1,3,5,6,5,0,2,10,5,30,8,24,25,4,26,0,1,0,1,13,12,2,3,11,109,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650265913225599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374653506350437,0.0,0.0,0.145081419053048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657076061887102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962165271719185,0.0,0.0,0.1330005700153956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15127150403989964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676910342822626,0.15955575980337527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342361505734616,0.11031672523214917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275756765507167,0.0,0.0,0.0877596859800484,0.12951904997763006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438154044765999,0.0,0.15245646243328378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817840692766138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545933798961225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15088231960118667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289989671428056,0.0,0.0,0.16422600222066774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463808388705996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892455100622413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146887512069076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744491380855474,0.15850854071298726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887903264013985,0.0,0.0,0.2185966519528155,0.0,0.12331894545356553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28433592012261194,0.0,0.0,0.10258889960092384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004276544663371,0.0,0.1463708388545493,0.0,0.17156481877292254,0.10484013732440056,0.1679631652391527,0.15084459793465607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108012955073556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933882700424485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736581213589987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rnizzlenay,2020/01/01,"AOE get the “Feel like somebody’s watching you?” If you had a narc friend, do you ever feel like they’re watching, spying, on you? Even hacking your phone, listening in to conversations? I’ve had this very real belief to me I can’t tell if it’s delusion or abuse but I can’t stop getting the feeling like they are spying on me. AOE?",1.4359663865546215,3.6352298235294103,2.9485714285714306,91.22500000000004,81.64705882352942,5.0621848739495805,22.94957983193277,6.1826913282559595,0.4381991596638653,260,9,54,2,7,85,47,68,0.078,0.754,0.168,0.6322,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,5,1,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,1,11,12,4,0,2,4,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,10,4,5,10,0,5,1,0,2,0,11,3,0,3,5,32,12,0,0.0,0.2888237100631363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100562394082454,0.22050096017333656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36976734411121465,0.5224409947004994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18833356832876352,0.0,0.2547161071595029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572763285407532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27745990226835804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20379989864005346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130628635550988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20113307881216624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,labelmake,2020/01/01,"my instincts almost never fail me- and i dont feel good about 2020. Am I alone? I always hold an initial judgement towards people and such and its almost never wrong. Anytime I'm thinking about the future it's hard to conceptualize what it could hold- but ending a decade seems like the end of the world. We're not in a good place and seeing 2020 on a calendar scares the sh*t out of me. I feel like I cant make any plans for the rest of my life because I will always want to scream ""whats the point!! The world is ending!!"" And I want to know why?? I want to be happy and make plans but I'm so afraid of putting in the effort just to have life as we know it collapse. 2020 is",0.6944988344988339,2.7647363986013995,2.1559720279720302,96.58524009324013,83.61538461538461,4.372773892773893,17.225641025641025,5.2151,-0.7567609324009323,527,11,120,2,15,170,86,143,0.12300000000000001,0.736,0.141,-0.4303,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,4,5,10,0,2,12,0,9,2,0,2,2,30,23,10,0,4,4,0,3,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,6,8,0,2,6,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,0,5,13,5,18,20,1,16,0,1,1,0,1,9,0,3,8,73,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024192661552834,0.15639557536012566,0.0,0.0,0.2512964108186043,0.0,0.0,0.10268853621605578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205120880341527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205651558395897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697666304785226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012366640496449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270526797864126,0.10787795808541227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533115557109978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074756473336893,0.13527076431374646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597672992594922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21331850731926985,0.14754677058726806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015939377600756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23292863513426976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468781091424964,0.0,0.1577680207485477,0.0,0.14274847579197422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518016708236111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118228625111474,0.0,0.12033138514054995,0.13746922446886445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967578671430079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671998750165425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625846948957332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16510019486596644,0.0,0.0 bpd,daniellenicole18,2020/01/01,Anyone get really depressed or spiral when they’re drunk? Like seriously it’s one or the other. I can’t be fun drunk anymore. It’s super depressing. It’s either get drunk and make terrible decisions that I’ll definitely regret later or be depressed and cry over my ex lol fuck my life man,1.9772180451127848,4.704006070175441,4.354135338345866,78.34894736842108,84.78947368421052,7.4676691729323315,22.177944862155385,8.418075326091056,1.9915734335839608,234,8,41,6,7,81,43,57,0.38799999999999996,0.423,0.18899999999999997,-0.9323,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,10,1,0,1,1,3,5,0,1,0,9,7,6,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,2,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,7,0,1,0,0,3,3,1,5,1,3,0,4,0,1,2,1,1,3,3,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27137833335173084,0.19133614324139211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005817792091928,0.0,0.0,0.7070597532330118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529766866078237,0.28593224716132426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19328072433168814,0.13368716596739685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826574862200196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18542621725454653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530142568825258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SonniSummers,2020/01/01,"Please help me not punch my neighbor in the throat So I smoke. I try not to be difficult or expose people to it if I know theres potential. Recently i started smoking in the backyard at night to view the stars A few days after i started the neighbor starts screaming one night about how he cant have his windows open because that ""fat bitch next door being a cunt"". Well without him even approaching me about it like a mature adult hes like 50 I'm 27 and responsible. I went back to smoking on the outside of the house since the 6 months prior he seemed not to have issue before that. Even through I've changed to help him because either felt bad for it all he will not stop. He blurs his music right near my bedroom window. He makes a comment anytime he sees me about my weight. Which yes I shouldn't be smoking I'm trying to quit but I'm pregnant and they way he comments on my needing a diet is just fucking mean. I bite my tongue. But then im outside smoking on my front porch away from us house as he pulls up in his car. He proceeds to stop right in front of me at 1:30 am and start blasting his music and stays there for a few minutes before pulling in next door where he continues to blast it while going on and on to his friends about me being a fat bitch. I've been nothing but nice. I've tried my best not to impede on him. Shit before I smoked in the backyard he didnt even know I smoked. He calls my husbands family at 3 am complaining cigarette smoke is making his dogs nerves even through I wasnt even smoking at the time and even if i was I was on the other side of the house where he never before knew I smoked. He is seriously testing my patience. Before he ever said a thing about my smoking he just would align his fucking sprinkles on me. Yet when I get out of my car his dogs are not leashed and up my ass to the point I've almost fallen since they get right on my ass and bark and growl at me. Yet I've said nothing I've dealt with it. But if he doesnt stop imma lose it. I respect his right to his dogs. I respect the fact he dislikes smoke. And I've tried my best to take it out of his area. Yet because I'm merely a smoker it us ok to openly and loudly talk about me and my weight to demean me. Honestly I'm trying be but I wanna deck him or report his dogs for running around. I have fantasies of one of them finally biting me so i can have the fucker put down. I just dont understand it. Why someone twice my age is such a fucking child. So mean when I've done everything to change because *i* actually felt bad at first. Any advice is helpful",2.219204287775717,3.775728970315399,3.464635745207172,91.5565908060194,76.55102040816327,5.9042836528550815,24.22267573696145,6.42735559955562,0.5910239620696758,2021,66,439,15,45,657,241,539,0.095,0.7959999999999999,0.109,0.3902,0,0,8,0,0,0,35.0,2,0,3,5,33,26,8,0,24,2,31,13,6,3,4,64,63,31,0,7,21,1,4,2,3,3,2,4,10,2,14,18,5,3,9,1,0,12,14,15,1,4,12,10,70,11,70,43,6,86,0,1,2,6,56,40,10,8,34,275,84,2,0.0,0.0,0.06977372340552157,0.0,0.0,0.06986900994569721,0.0,0.0,0.07159696022832332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04862247790516463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365019300208502,0.0,0.0,0.06717663964833888,0.05497911604176914,0.11939909089385188,0.17434303890634098,0.0,0.30420633196071223,0.0,0.15006975805097114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730095333184236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15127511997270415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04611160967223984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316936349463872,0.08379751241822186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833506059041282,0.06467587812390152,0.0,0.0,0.06425962410188814,0.0,0.06740387279703851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730249900016547,0.07832479709621548,0.0,0.06081789607765816,0.0,0.0,0.055240752250218544,0.1983018998993579,0.07471163794430825,0.0,0.04063511950194998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14377490560936002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247504333361629,0.0,0.0,0.07723231086454264,0.07462746372333805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858910235721261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986261424316742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999025388973309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545366158429887,0.0,0.0,0.15576900539164956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05707064844482386,0.0,0.0,0.05301637244797426,0.05514523739761608,0.0,0.15208220382833826,0.1341958848544888,0.0,0.1372124302886011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690055281584324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049569123883589694,0.0,0.0,0.07848557102776517,0.06759064707659132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718772869647163,0.0,0.07604909187760138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059766202194652,0.0,0.0,0.2442425682568775,0.13602581959165147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569762734078144,0.06509094954196447,0.0,0.0,0.07339376186255116,0.11829114113511498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060581750450586475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20243238055451224,0.07620952747693083,0.0,0.1793317008109081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053759130534573915,0.057469022436311926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047501448396303735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0416922473382806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24271916320133546,0.0,0.0,0.07443406148577922,0.17201148508685868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05675340237348664,0.0,0.1741355689268488,0.06428712126804426,0.06628125186011026,0.0645176634732519,0.0,0.0,0.06892348546527002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05079157579329021,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,natso2001,2020/01/01,"Questions around diagnosis and BPD in general I've been subscribed to the subreddit for a while but haven't posted at all and I have a few questions. I can relate to a lot of the things that people talk about in posts on this sub, but I have no formal diagnosis of any mental health issues or personality disorders. Are the majority of things brought up on this sub unique to people struggling with BPD? I'm also curious about people's process about being diagnosed in the first place and what you went through to do that. I am currently seeing a psychologist however he seems a little reluctant to formally diagnose me with anything.",6.501355932203393,7.855340279661021,7.262500000000002,69.26544491525426,65.69491525423729,10.984745762711864,34.24152542372882,10.9516,4.19577627118644,515,23,86,15,8,171,80,118,0.076,0.898,0.026000000000000002,-0.6819,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,5,1,0,1,9,0,9,3,0,0,1,15,14,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,3,1,6,0,23,10,4,17,0,0,1,0,6,10,0,5,3,67,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530180369875046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655190920748972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893929551452082,0.13948383295119932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39468127212255066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180661513793983,0.0,0.0,0.17957582538064512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332771018724418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654997890224282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16353956198085345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704061774204195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320890433515786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579027183672208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325879203308438,0.1368122437198664,0.1637036074530802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30012391032037355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35104854376066424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485852166916618,0.1426411249412693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380231379820304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593833808347876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081905421035566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524956840192355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,itdoesntmatterbabes,2020/01/01,"The only reason I am alive is to be beautifully in love I just want to be beautifully in love, fully in love, you and I, me and you, as one, forever, thriving! At the end of the day, you’re my muse. We’re each other’s muse. Is anyone else like this? I feel like I’ve sold my soul to love and I want a relationship where we are so in love. Happily ever after as long as we have each other!",0.2289705882352955,1.8210525294117657,3.4078676470588256,89.5541544117647,82.52941176470588,6.602941176470589,17.683823529411768,7.645422480735847,0.22385294117647087,295,6,71,5,8,107,51,85,0.0,0.594,0.406,0.9918,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,2,0,0,4,7,0,0,4,0,7,5,0,1,1,13,16,7,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,12,7,13,13,2,11,1,0,0,5,10,6,0,0,7,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406757080717433,0.1818044347189516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443172003227255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822524170179616,0.0,0.1571558759625772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050127139177325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971711325331723,0.1267605120792462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17337280504023808,0.0,0.0,0.15702552196845065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8007158399651343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202354137017963,0.1349482846021329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18243404521121695,0.0,0.19050015833150916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20931302733650592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwawaygurl246,2020/01/01,New Years I’m spending New Years alone because my date ghosted me to get drunk with his coworkers and I’m trying not to make a scene because it always leads to abandonment. Cheers lol,4.064166666666665,6.069639305555558,4.167777777777779,86.555,72.6111111111111,7.022222222222222,28.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.824733333333333,149,6,28,2,3,46,29,36,0.187,0.6709999999999999,0.141,-0.2263,0,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,6,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,4,0,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,11,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304909264742453,0.0,0.0,0.26551641067803405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890402808450716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671635868331675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130014455604136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.616376719989306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166476666018328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4109793311184786 bpd,Baphomet1999,2020/01/01,"Uhhhgg I’m stressed ,I’m mad,and depressed life is bullshit tbh but keeping my head up.Happy New Year’s Eve everyone and be safe !Going to drink till I’m numb :)",-1.4081932773109251,0.07067002941176526,1.2278151260504195,94.91088235294121,113.41176470588236,4.295798319327732,19.56302521008403,6.1826913282559595,0.3859378151260504,127,5,27,2,7,43,29,34,0.23800000000000002,0.568,0.19399999999999998,0.2003,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,4,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,6,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859485524713831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252306934126008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172373862706471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18868156105220527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35341700820217103,0.0,0.0,0.3407247303655665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29509421152293336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23449931815756855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206447970283279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3803014721907171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21379520013606104 bpd,Space-bunny-,2020/01/01,"Happy new year ! I feel on top of the world right now . I want to share this feeling with every single one of you . No matter what happens this week , this month , this new year , you will get through it! Do something that makes you happy tonight. Big or small !",1.2940666666666694,3.8153353400000007,1.3480000000000023,100.24066666666668,85.6,3.333333333333334,18.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.9314666666666668,197,5,42,0,6,58,40,50,0.038,0.684,0.27899999999999997,0.9022,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,8,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,5,3,6,7,1,14,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,8,26,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070104366163354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484637119166188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283666144625112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172691687773874,0.5230983468205718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400474829316986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611311243110907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4745916561723238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649074022159327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20982401442018375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18914966144110967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491853850026226,0.0,0.19708342485241875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164418043100276 bpd,_moony__,2020/01/01,"Worrying that everyone hates me, even my loved ones When I'm not with my friends, I'm terrified and paranoid that they hate me. When my friends hang out with each other or other people without me, or even if I'm just not with them, what often happens is that I spiral into thinking they're all pretending to like me and I'm actually such a burden. It gets so intense sometimes that it can feel catastrophic and miserable. I feel like I can't feel the love that's around me a lot of the time, like people say they love me and show it but I just don't believe it and think it all must be some kind of game or trick. Does anybody else experience this? Does anybody have advice on how to change or manage these thoughts?",6.115189655172411,5.64014068275862,6.3711637931034515,81.66709051724139,66.3103448275862,9.45689655172414,31.91810344827586,8.841846274778883,2.350948275862069,569,20,118,8,8,183,89,145,0.174,0.757,0.069,-0.9093,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,3,0,11,14,3,1,4,0,7,3,0,1,3,36,24,15,0,2,11,0,3,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,15,12,0,0,6,3,0,1,5,5,0,1,1,4,16,9,12,21,5,8,0,1,0,3,10,4,0,8,6,83,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.14974423875078907,0.0,0.0,0.1499487370880624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660227994488489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17288464898766262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16232885803292424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26856877703966336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818707779049787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20270343767326596,0.0,0.0,0.14662724232452984,0.0,0.15010271694888971,0.0,0.0,0.2327655082974141,0.1096241060976376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371088710761079,0.0,0.08017084945268714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569457988509484,0.0,0.0,0.3029985412980013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979368023580132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249025165143028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045698312225915,0.4154815569355921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398111787446043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21276464431606634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202892605787645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517651367407477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19664804343197045,0.0,0.1218214876385262,0.08947743555543695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479195083665434,0.0,0.0,0.15583506422952684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_junglette,2020/01/01,"Over texting and setting boundaries I’ve had a BPD diagnosis for 6 years. I did a round of DBT a couple years ago, and made a friend in group that I still am in contact with regularly. For the purposes of this post, I’ll call him Z. Z is cool, and I really value our friendship. On top of having common interests, it’s nice to have friends that “get it” when it comes to this disorder. My issue with Z is that he texts me 50-100+ times daily (depending on how responsive I am). He doesn’t get upset if I don’t respond, but seeing that endless scroll of texts can feel overwhelming. Z will bring up really heavy personal problems, pop culture references, antidotes, funny stories, memories of trauma— all in a row, before I’ve even texted him back. I don’t even know where to start with replying, and the volume of messages is exhausting to keep up with. As someone with BPD, I feel really uncomfortable and hesitant bringing it up to Z because I think he will feel rejected. I have a feeling that if I did a DEARMAN or something, he might isolate. Z has really low self esteem, and is currently separating from his wife and I don’t want his to feel abandoned through this transitional part of his life.",7.401538461538461,6.502834410256412,8.101324786324787,71.7117307692308,63.87179487179488,11.902564102564106,37.02136752136752,11.20814326018867,4.155100854700855,948,41,178,24,12,319,143,234,0.135,0.764,0.1,-0.9349,1,1,1,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,0,1,7,12,0,2,9,1,21,2,0,3,1,34,38,14,0,4,4,1,6,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,12,13,0,2,8,0,0,3,4,7,0,0,4,8,19,5,32,31,2,27,0,4,2,0,21,12,0,5,10,113,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968519804651216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249486729849544,0.0,0.08918248617932015,0.0,0.12448963682603865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685168293526771,0.0,0.1493875921166385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260235971050302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618770130701028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676712792623135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19325816240186244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36986574179863657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260604222569248,0.0,0.15287033334280842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269810125725064,0.0,0.1300372348521593,0.0,0.0,0.08040208061971983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333527977575102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384316103033638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552000737530104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842751350621034,0.0,0.0,0.12774260608092886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401139598661387,0.0,0.0,0.1399883435705314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37489143174974543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658132719531855,0.0,0.15262171857960746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395863135507028,0.11262808447996568,0.0,0.0,0.10355115463341306,0.0,0.11683453589808855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374246423694588,0.0,0.0,0.08530809822647348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862909152073867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18842346318404 bpd,itscanimates,2020/01/01,"I’m scared to get better but I’m desperate to try. My biggest fear and greatest hope is getting better. Looking back on these days that seem so impossible and saying ‘I did that, I overcame that.’ Why is getting better my biggest fear? It’s all I’ve known. I’ve always been the shy (see: anxious) and pretty sad kid. Since 15 years old, BPD was my entire identity. I didn’t know who I was without it or without depression, anxiety, everything else…I’ve always been scared to see if I can become somebody more than the illness that has defined me. I’m still scared. Terrified, even, but after another near-hospitalization, I’m so goddamn tired. I’m tired of feeling scared, angry, sad, suicidal. I’m tired of being set off over things that don’t matter. I’m tired of pitying myself and dwelling on the past. Am I scared to get better and put full trust into my therapist and what he has to say? Absolutely. More than anything. But am I prepared to work towards the cure (aka the ability to cope) that I DESERVE? Abso-fucking-lutely. And I know it’ll be hard. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Recovery isn’t a one way street and I know this. Recovery doesn’t mean I’ll stay better, either. I could deal with this shit for the rest of my life. But that’s where radical acceptance comes in, right? I may deal with these feelings forever, but I will find a way to cope with them and I will be the person my brain always tells me I’m unable to become. I can do this. I will do this.",1.7897066464602744,4.107990412751683,3.443596016453778,87.49535289023598,81.11409395973155,6.261268672872918,23.70686295735008,7.4822170145007005,1.183284130764235,1165,42,232,18,31,386,157,298,0.256,0.594,0.15,-0.9932,0,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,0,1,6,7,21,1,8,10,0,30,8,2,0,2,40,54,18,1,3,10,0,3,0,0,5,6,2,0,2,19,14,0,0,10,0,0,2,6,13,0,2,7,8,25,8,31,38,7,27,0,4,3,0,10,13,1,5,8,146,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21000641495909514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821668117319231,0.06435851989994637,0.09504191987417472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923106884985625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469007353362881,0.0,0.0,0.1858279298146084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720266958707657,0.0,0.0,0.1059576377202556,0.0939158822324988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246975759405024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717022887932247,0.0,0.0,0.054256300122849294,0.17346678547308425,0.07246025779974909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05556646732858391,0.07609957403659585,0.0,0.0,0.0756097970952522,0.0,0.0,0.18933722023638927,0.08507638653783797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689245973800381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581589885014934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536313569506152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355916417816649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387054351665338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059422860863278186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064724310919478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164123705981816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882793228729271,0.0,0.1140160908069862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803107312195506,0.0,0.07345827217899377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558952459167607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457296722655011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718457790798965,0.0,0.1338056504767697,0.4211394535705511,0.0,0.13407997733624713,0.07658795949073446,0.0,0.0,0.08635729698147578,0.0695924486362587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896704110830066,0.06718559610777751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202356449626736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735325285967666,0.0,0.0,0.09768035215582586,0.11178325193065007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867760301562677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05711812646673463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13355550387660745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591341394306422,0.0,0.0,0.1621948719421005,0.0,0.0612469759918677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054176372582820806 bpd,karennahir,2020/01/01,"This is my last new years celebration I'm gonna end it soon. Four months left. I've made my peace with the big plan, so there's no talking me out of it. I'm sorry guys. I'm gonna break my family's heart. I'm gonna break my friends hearts. But I gotta do this. I'm in too much pain. Whether I go to heaven or hell, I'll look after them, making sure they move on with their lives.",-1.4013636363636373,0.3474197727272745,0.9829090909090932,103.68936363636368,89.9090909090909,4.42909090909091,13.345454545454547,5.6839178017228535,-1.3842081818181822,292,4,81,2,10,98,64,88,0.131,0.731,0.13699999999999998,0.1335,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,3,1,4,5,1,0,1,0,2,3,2,2,1,9,15,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,1,1,10,3,8,10,1,16,2,0,1,0,6,5,1,1,7,35,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19130311616546986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036162402725577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16687341270265302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227521492856516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138641533641834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5118986084040912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606075639134594,0.0,0.0,0.2346738717320176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907232122553354,0.0,0.18137728249170995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043750516487273,0.14417506654675455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724012342917259,0.2295632904580068,0.158777573003111,0.0,0.0,0.20860458103586765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298286910182989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417832295655324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035681097321516,0.0,0.0,0.17360465793792235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909054057696854 bpd,itsavava,2020/01/01,"15 hours into 2020 and I’m already hysterically upset Great start to the year. Ditched by my friends on NYE, then ditched this morning by my own brother when they all went to breakfast and didn’t invite me. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m really thinking I’m not going to see the end of this year.",2.812857142857144,4.250431555555558,4.120825396825399,87.96028571428577,74.71428571428572,6.309841269841268,28.473015873015875,6.742157984588678,1.2575930158730162,240,10,51,2,5,79,45,63,0.04,0.804,0.156,0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,7,12,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,1,5,2,9,10,2,11,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,7,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340337404929307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001941533528571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680997561278227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338630031049861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720297188425491,0.0,0.0,0.33372458500103674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980956373311135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19391549213262996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24121037209136703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21425054200806226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939560581727824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17853857273735138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806032137171341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898539736918637 bpd,mrsjoba,2020/01/01,"I broke down on NYE overwhelmed that it’s been a year and I still didn’t get my shit together but I still made it to 2020 I learned that It’s okay to grieve for everything and everyone we can no longer bring to us from 2019 to 2020. All the FPs who never replied to my paragraphs, all the friends who didn’t remember me. My heart goes out to all of you overwhelmed by the idea of new beginnings and all our unfinished selves. The great thing is, we survived 2019. We’re getting there. Thank you, for being so gentle with youself. And if this year can’t be kinder to us, can we all be kinder to ourselves instead? Happy new year, everyone. If no one told you today, I fucking love you. So much. So much that it almost hurts.",1.955102040816328,4.0207861088435415,2.632891156462588,94.88770408163269,79.06802721088434,6.104761904761905,23.42517006802721,7.1686216300943375,0.697810884353741,566,19,125,7,14,176,89,147,0.09300000000000001,0.6459999999999999,0.261,0.9876,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,6,4,0,1,7,13,2,2,5,1,10,4,2,1,6,23,19,10,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,11,9,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,5,0,19,6,18,11,7,14,0,5,0,2,15,3,2,3,10,88,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576507886012943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008763159891345,0.14149456041958894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163572486043267,0.14554831564809675,0.16450906018989248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735752609921168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16759501250122635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18656404660227968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853996540830068,0.1777276322658122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209337709056086,0.14897105025938082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23146917020540606,0.0,0.12142540878293588,0.30410799434799635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668363935146362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834585452423887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160720230507128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25145938100645865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494718189683206,0.0,0.0,0.10459439584445528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923222218770962,0.15043815799456725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787555531120919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041535218277469 bpd,throwatway2344,2020/01/01,Had sex with a new person Had sex with a new person and now I’m having conflicting feeling about it ): I know I was being impulsive.. it lasted longer than I’d like and I dissociated and even fell asleep for a micro second. Haven’t had sex with someone new since October 2018 and that was a bad experience so now I’m just a bit triggered since this new sexual encounter wasn’t like a movie or a story ... it was good but my mind wasn’t in the right place... DAE feel like this,1.348775510204078,3.499520204081634,3.2830204081632672,88.97983673469388,81.65306122448979,6.3689795918367365,18.983673469387764,7.554174236665415,0.4699885714285719,372,9,80,6,10,125,60,98,0.065,0.8270000000000001,0.10800000000000001,0.4497,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,8,0,11,4,1,1,0,16,16,7,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,8,2,4,4,7,7,1,11,0,0,0,3,2,3,0,1,10,48,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556196638990038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19032804441524945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514624626927936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053252386714998,0.0,0.0,0.1762974510878618,0.12454455102152398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622344793368922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580964302402466,0.14210582786708706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25551298833795777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17602807628654746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6734931120953864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30444419829032626,0.1821423732744845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888064995066566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884224826374988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771299608586347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PoteCompote,2020/01/01,"How do you differentiate a crush, real love, and a FP ? I feel like i can't trust myself to understand what's real or worth it since i know how Bpd works... Do you guys have some tips ? I don't want to spend energy on crushs anymore, or to risk to put myself in danger for some illusions. (Happy new year btw, this sub had helped me so much since i discovered it, thank u for existing)",4.057974683544302,4.2829889746835486,5.508708860759494,83.7093924050633,70.64556962025317,9.357974683544304,23.394936708860758,9.3871,1.4895448101265822,295,6,66,6,5,100,59,79,0.133,0.7020000000000001,0.16399999999999998,0.5478,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,1,3,7,1,1,2,0,6,1,0,2,0,13,12,6,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,0,2,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,10,5,8,11,3,5,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,4,3,39,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170293591732847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756199008896525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065151002855003,0.1563385352575668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21668489098376506,0.0,0.2329580505847017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668308426594914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026812197779507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691361982090103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975106277567284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608717522578881,0.0,0.0,0.21135594810738867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199935119964407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4981730969049615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620515558573475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20147743317949315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22781898552255975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129076837760243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931730657527138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092505989290693 bpd,SuspiciousAgreement,2020/01/01,"BPD and Gender Identity I'm in my mid-40s and I still struggle to operate out of my biological reality. Like many BPD, aspects of my personality have yet to reach full development. When I make active choices to live daily like an adult, I ""feel"" like a woman on the inside. Obviously this is disconcerting. Has anyone been able to resolve their gender identity disturbances? Happy New Year!",4.248152173913045,7.44115430434783,6.414329710144926,64.43714673913044,78.42028985507247,9.247101449275364,30.36413043478261,9.516144504307137,3.9636217391304363,313,15,47,10,8,109,54,69,0.061,0.7090000000000001,0.231,0.9041,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,3,7,0,2,3,0,4,0,0,1,1,7,7,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,7,5,9,6,1,9,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,8,30,8,1,0.23586618483938315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649231206016546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5941304058359448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926103004068428,0.1685028495775475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510839396754089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34569691155400106,0.0,0.20827416248200198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574425099112297,0.2391312907655549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278010310931036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20594925481888884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18836303989350314,0.0,0.0,0.2465785484333161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189008985992816 bpd,requiemforpotential,2020/01/01,"DAE catastrophize things and let them ruin their life only to realize its not that bad, almost ever? For two years, I let a medical bill haunt me because I thought I owed a hospital like 2,000 dollars and instead of being a rational person I decided I could never come up with that money and like was planning to fake my death. Then I became increasingly anxious about being found by said hospital and somehow the 2,000 turned into 30,000 I must owe them that made me think I had to end my life because theres no way I could do 30,000 if I couldnt do 2,000. One day, I decided Im going to face my fear and if its as bad as I think, i can just die, the reality was i owed like $40. I wasted 2 years of my life hiding from a 40 charge like the hospital was the mafia. And just today, I haven't been on my itunes acount since feb 2018 bc I thought I owed them money and I figured they charged interest, I thought I surely owe them over a 100 maybe even 300 and it turned out to be less than $3. Does anyone else do this? its such a waste of time and fear, like its almost like relieving to find out its not as bad as I thought but also like angry because it felt real and I let the fear control my thoughts, the anxiety as time passed on just made it worse. Im positive I probably do this in relationships but theres no number to like look at and see how off I truly am with people.",4.215459438677435,4.349880743944638,5.411459054209922,84.86179450211459,70.280276816609,8.775163398692811,27.474240676662827,8.680891452615391,1.7471013456362945,1081,33,237,17,18,361,155,289,0.147,0.723,0.13,-0.7248,5,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,6,2,13,19,0,3,12,0,22,5,1,4,4,55,45,23,2,6,9,0,1,8,0,1,4,1,0,1,14,17,0,1,14,0,9,4,7,8,0,2,15,4,39,11,32,20,2,25,0,1,2,0,9,10,0,5,18,155,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18224611370769872,0.0,0.0,0.07277242895631868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961452309081025,0.10280376142834798,0.0,0.06362910761294681,0.09323994873102008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279428507814148,0.16641772146128114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838818576405196,0.0,0.0,0.10206390385696834,0.14531171495566045,0.0,0.0,0.05868727968877933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444332386305117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963445261417341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601857434491864,0.0,0.08059872598917288,0.0,0.0,0.060104445051473,0.08231444045337408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071998931280642,0.0,0.0,0.08737398475206655,0.0,0.08317207919420974,0.0,0.0,0.09977647646441283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051717227838038116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19659058796409176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27916008269350473,0.19282734249263545,0.35566286330241736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641683097083192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17221223696754487,0.0,0.0,0.09142143203143448,0.0,0.0,0.09167262629245404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018458027515713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166375328819109,0.06920937411176553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308773556077582,0.07945742992171961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811307012826574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035775834514007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976996244538228,0.0,0.0,0.08656155549560672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725149808665602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527589400853972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576614236771687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060456158600211876,0.11661786950044785,0.0,0.3612179938290301,0.1061253162831341,0.0,0.0862570773510568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979630894997994,0.0888934862562912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223132790325898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092736470843805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720164932339472 bpd,acuteconsole,2020/01/01,"Why am I so distrusting and angry I started to have a rly great new years eve. I've been seeing someone new for a few weeks now and he came out with me and the family and it was lovely, but then he got a bit drunk and hypermanic and I felt overwhelmed and couldn't deal with it. Then he heavily implied he wanted to tell me he loved me and I told him not to bc it was too early and I couldn't reciprocate yet and I wanted him to be sober first time he said it, but he said it anyway and it kind of made me happy but also rly wound me up. Long story short, I just kind of exploded at him a little bc i felt rly sad about how tonight ended and it's also put the fear of God into me bc i rly want this potential new relationship to work and I'm scared that I'm having to have a go at him just a few weeks in. I'm also terrified of how he seems to hide from problems. I was pointing out stuff that upset me tonight and he'd just go ""I'm sorry, it's on me."", which, then forced me to comfort him and I wasn't in the mind frame to do it and now I'm just left half splitting and internally screaming about whether he's mature enough ahhhhhhh Happy new year I guess???",0.8363454296473805,2.4235976259842538,3.2114447107155115,91.70775932899693,80.61417322834646,6.149674768914756,19.70489558370421,7.079830092131019,0.1778081478945568,903,22,214,11,23,312,127,254,0.159,0.722,0.11800000000000001,-0.9065,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,17,16,1,4,9,0,14,4,0,3,0,46,38,30,0,6,9,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,14,23,1,0,3,1,0,4,4,8,0,2,13,6,27,8,28,21,4,40,0,2,1,2,23,13,0,2,23,136,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27060749277569257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231434408138056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290079700323621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628717800708856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990330804146008,0.11654787391211414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633353173713224,0.1269262641430145,0.0,0.0,0.21660268214830425,0.0,0.0,0.09594377020786572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820853134695856,0.0,0.09021284240617314,0.12435740523565153,0.12425692823529533,0.0,0.0,0.2401457530982557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349182517055572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225526095280491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305069460742248,0.0,0.09982044257333872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036046332311797,0.10672980215958194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389127156935015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4357542759535597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066281790319889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793003260735276,0.0,0.11339060290579367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110012357585395,0.0,0.0,0.2145886460882081,0.0,0.112927944031719,0.0,0.08988338689256363,0.1026847607074686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557123673925597,0.0,0.0,0.1262652953423474,0.07983721509271427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291238284799371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858821351791652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577194635220145,0.0,0.0,0.10778090650536326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995890740865676,0.0,0.18095544660783205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178036857312553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211644644406361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14527317065650858 bpd,haas_n,2020/01/01,"I can't stop flip flopping between hopeful optimism and suicidal thoughts and I want it to stop all I want to do is fucking sleep after a good day and a single well-meant conversation got me spiralling back into full on existential dread and suicidal thoughts... and then I hear positive encouragement and I'm cheerfully optimistic again, when I hear the slightest hint of something that causes me to doubt my future again I'm back in the dumps I don't just overinterpret every gesture of affection and friendship, I also overinterpret every word of encouragement or caution... my mind can't keep a fucking story straight; it's just constantly flip flopping between assuming all my problems are easily solveable if I just continue doing what I'm currently doing, and going back to thinking the future is full of nothing but bleakness and killing myself is the only option =.= several times per conversation i'm just so sick and tired of having to think these things all the time, can't I just go back to my old coping mechanisms of playing video games and watching anime?? why don't these things give me joy anymore? when really I know the answer, it's this crushing loneliness catching up with me. I just CAN'T be alone, no matter how hard I try. I'm so fucking desperate for a relationship that I've started fighting for scraps, and it isn't getting better the longer I wait. It's like I'm currently in limerence but directed toward the concept of a relationship *itself*. Always flip flopping between assuming I'll be alone for the rest of my life and I might as well cut it short, and assuming I have a chance and that women compatible with me exist and I'll find them if I look for them... I just want this cycle to stop... all I want to do is sleep. It's 4 fucking am and I can't get these THOUGHTS OUT OF MY HEAD. Please just let me go for once and let me live my life again, in a way that isn't a cycle of coping mechanism after coping mechanism how much fucking longer do I have to wait for somebody to show up and fill this hole inside me? is that even possible?! I don't fucking know and it's driving me crazy. please just make it stop. I regret promising my sister to stay clean >.<",4.929779886148008,6.390565600000002,5.721480075901329,78.4608538899431,69.47058823529412,8.683870967741937,31.35673624288425,9.11188708381993,2.799658064516129,1760,75,319,34,31,575,198,425,0.129,0.711,0.16,-0.5415,2,2,1,0,2,1,47.0,0,0,2,1,25,25,10,2,17,0,30,13,3,5,4,79,69,34,3,9,14,1,1,1,0,1,4,2,1,1,24,24,0,7,12,4,0,6,11,14,1,0,4,5,42,11,44,60,9,48,0,1,2,6,15,13,6,10,28,218,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230762567858093,0.0,0.06652242771773675,0.06921597332596716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249643990444212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558542645488603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356972365712032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545315566531596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989264013353268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053646970109940864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494242337096169,0.0,0.14017266415523064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602891240103772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4614150827638454,0.08692069169027429,0.07979792808095948,0.1418266065854146,0.06977101593348195,0.0665300567987298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745167635623891,0.0,0.08537105589967747,0.0,0.1875094275686314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262074584753915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393799798613483,0.09203106590214433,0.0,0.0914317946194498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012309642527654,0.11751101469733055,0.04063963072147813,0.0,0.0734532311617558,0.0,0.06985383321102256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05552614370107451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824536105865613,0.08399239580849223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061150007045216434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981754702044618,0.0,0.08728789439689921,0.08858852878375244,0.0,0.06326538295847235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18262268929306005,0.0,0.09377776160346153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959610858203686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053289971055685684,0.0,0.0,0.1786175423574381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939745434748875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648868199278927,0.0,0.0,0.0640393122241452,0.0,0.0,0.0588782518441878,0.08866335987201364,0.0,0.27818308553386434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18198017198973768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052786057171804,0.10660223804123023,0.0,0.19811704704204025,0.09701082927580032,0.09560807722814374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05647665646862424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962569420083157,0.06602779869124427,0.0,0.0,0.14958529089029698,0.0,0.07506086186352479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aidaole_92,2020/01/01,Urges/plans to die tomorrow. I don’t even know why I’m posting. I guess there’s a part of me that wants to live. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve been through this so many times.,-1.6421428571428578,0.13640764285714546,0.3288571428571423,107.66614285714287,91.61904761904762,4.312380952380953,15.542857142857144,5.6839178017228535,-1.197662857142857,139,3,40,1,5,45,32,42,0.11199999999999999,0.888,0.0,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,9,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,5,8,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396889458069277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161806122733562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36056126778370734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597544507388998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890146358996831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33183397359142164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544373644565701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31346589717562595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19085307111765148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19305184993295108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953401411849405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lildanibb,2020/01/01,I’m such an embarrassing person Got mad at my friends for “leaving me out” turns out it was just a family thing for them and I got mad about it and I just made myself look like an ass cause I felt like I was being abandoned.,-0.2581249999999997,1.937742770833335,1.788333333333334,96.49000000000002,90.04166666666666,4.866666666666667,16.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.4434416666666667,175,4,41,2,6,58,34,48,0.26899999999999996,0.59,0.141,-0.8126,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,4,7,2,1,3,0,3,1,1,2,0,10,10,2,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,6,2,8,3,6,3,0,3,0,1,1,1,3,3,1,0,2,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955067810980228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711809090261605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761993854755501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22224594506031656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4601370839448349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045911488593193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28107297772715706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415625407725675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721915119058405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25117422969914943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19110898857335196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128922403037862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SofiaB04,2020/01/01,"Does anyone else get hysterically upset over nothing, and then not want to tell anyone why you are so upset because you know they will think it is stupid, but they keep asking until you tell them, and then they tell you it is stupid to be upset over that? And you're just like, ""yeah, I know it is stupid, that's why I didn't want to tell you in the first place!"" Then you end up getting even more upset at yourself for being upset over nothing?",3.210571428571427,4.6333869777777785,3.7153968253968266,91.325,73.66666666666667,5.587301587301588,19.52380952380953,5.288315135182226,-0.3342857142857145,348,6,74,1,7,109,54,90,0.268,0.701,0.031,-0.9721,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,6,4,1,3,9,3,5,1,1,8,0,0,0,0,12,17,9,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,8,0,1,1,0,12,1,11,13,1,13,0,0,0,0,15,7,0,0,7,50,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432749818503087,0.17824347760180792,0.0,0.0,0.1626299382527396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604493678776987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223433693442534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453219916782513,0.0,0.15407770388236913,0.0,0.0,0.11489951947750407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479710342455398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817747579212756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462442168551285,0.0,0.0,0.19120869852808497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498849805210762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338403090304689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18175209217665994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6081979012106923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146710660598101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052132664282693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313945269630918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,caffeinatedpixie,2020/01/01,"DAE feel trapped in life? Tw: suicidal thoughts The thought of being here for another year has me wanting to throw up, yet alone another fucking decade. The only reason I don't kill myself is my mom, siblings, and cats. Everyone else would get over it. I'm just exhausted by living and see no point, I've always been tired, but god damn I'm over it. I'm stuck living a life I don't want for other people",2.635313588850174,4.404096085365853,3.944425087108016,87.64743902439025,75.95121951219512,7.124738675958188,25.12891986062717,7.957251820313856,1.41131149825784,317,11,65,5,7,104,65,82,0.222,0.72,0.057999999999999996,-0.8783,0,2,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,3,0,3,0,7,5,0,1,0,11,19,3,2,3,2,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,2,5,0,9,13,0,8,0,0,1,1,1,5,2,0,2,34,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19621339709429453,0.0,0.0,0.15763784343253612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3973103596180993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826143327227632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18102790021446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579177452843422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514376879353905,0.09897997333065564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20959871053592424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676287285482221,0.0,0.0,0.3345762082680053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22188192598607534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440855059068513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134099840453176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790917888864847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947864826617894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509673774409666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20722790189516865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30080478577635844,0.0,0.2177452744614041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234854153618369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345800722824291,0.0,0.0,0.12199979520554514 bpd,Yotsume3,2020/01/01,"How do your BPD and OCD symptoms feed into one another? I have been diagnosed with BPD and OCD and was wondering how the two disorders manifest together for other people with a similar diagnosis? Also, I can’t seem to find much information on the comorbidity between BPD and OCD, so if anyone could share articles, videos, or any information that they have found it would be greatly appreciated. TL;DR: I’m looking to gain insight from others about the individual manifestation of co-occurring BPD and OCD.",9.220674157303373,9.690009044943825,10.444134831460676,51.88710112359551,59.67415730337079,14.311011235955055,41.395505617977534,13.348371206891418,6.398912808988763,411,21,61,16,5,144,70,89,0.0,0.893,0.107,0.8609,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,1,5,2,0,0,4,0,9,3,0,2,0,21,14,11,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,8,1,0,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,4,2,11,8,1,2,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,4,0,46,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484024770899725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061594194710084,0.16369381503757446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915498726407437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7864548845017579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464027070590672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584472687301287,0.0,0.0,0.17891434808843806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426807256263215,0.0,0.0,0.17116537424942846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211063649596114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131092176588767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147580190447005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578344498828024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822626986292344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211569862130932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16225694193895926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15249573228637112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929346564464454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089529848211784,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GhostKingThrowAway,2020/01/01,"New Year, Same Me First of all, Happy New Year, guys! :) We've all made it and I'm so immensely proud of all of you xx Love to you all ♡ This morning I still woke up as me and I was bitterly disappointed. Nothing much has changed. The way I see myself is the same. I'm very much myself and I'm not the shiny new person I thought I'd get to wake up as today, but maybe this year I might finally see some kind of a change. I guess only time can tell. Hope you guys are loving yourselves more than I'm loving me xx",-0.9029464285714291,1.1327631696428604,1.4371428571428595,99.00785714285715,91.41071428571428,4.628571428571429,16.035714285714285,6.1826913282559595,-0.6361500000000002,393,9,97,4,14,132,70,112,0.034,0.763,0.203,0.968,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,0,2,2,9,1,0,4,0,6,4,1,1,4,17,21,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,4,14,7,11,16,10,14,0,1,3,3,10,2,0,4,11,56,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30210900217421344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156421137200255,0.0,0.12145839911858357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460267886162893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730096441023966,0.2827721208953852,0.0,0.1520042346847942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182420433872125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869540103581552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866247816581748,0.1351127945093324,0.0,0.0,0.14345328040933586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514792439882077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20993640291019788,0.0,0.0,0.4137268369670904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370123203599767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085993899985724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124680052826632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22757271797167805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403349716006354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480608756466767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336052172063213,0.08326288714258623,0.0,0.13534967052666905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781796333498913,0.0,0.11334126698520836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758591835289443 bpd,phedre666,2020/01/01,"Hi crisis maybe but just looking for any small advice which might have helped u in a similar situation xx Hello I’m hoping that someone might know what I can do I really am trying to be accepting and empathetic and move forward,, I thought I might have a friend who I can feel normal and comfortable with and not become dependent and suspicious but now because I thought and they told me they wanted to spend some time with me this nye but they left me alone when I wasn’t looking to be with their friends and haven’t been in touch since. This is so embarrassing for me bcos I don’t have any other friends and anywhere to be and I feel so triggered and ashamed and I haven’t been able to do anything but cry. I know how toxic these kinds of friendships are having always been stuck in them and I was really hoping I had been making some progress and thought this time it was different but this is like a situation I get overly paranoid might happen but it’s actually happening so idk how to react ??! I relapsed quite badly into cutting as recentyly bcos I was dumb and agreed to visit family for Christmas and I couldn’t cope w them misgendering me / pointing out how masc I look and act / making jokes about other trans ppl and saying how weird and ugly they look all while I had no where to go cos it was a different city than I live and I felt so trapped and ugly and embarrassed and didn’t have anyone to talk to and I hoped it could just b a minor relapse cos of where I was but Its become part of my life again which I’m rly disappointed by. I am so crushed and my confidence is gone and I have no one validating to talk to cos iv not been able to make any friends in the community except this person I mention before and they were not interested in listening to me about it and said they were dealing w their own stuff which they spent hours telling me about which I don’t know just made me feel a bit weird ??? Idkk I would have liked for them to want to listen to me but maybe I’m just too sensitive and always want to be a victim ? : (( I feel so bad about allowing someone who i think is just trying their best hurt me so much. I’m so disappointed that I can’t ever have a friend without them becoming everything I attach my value to and I feel so cruel and ashamed by it. I know this is just venting but I’m in so much pain and rlly am struggling to hold onto any hope for the future and I’m sooo scared I just want to know what is something I can do right now cos all iv done today is get really high and cut myself which like yea i kno are the worst thing to do but I think im less chaotic now so I am looking for something nice I can do today that might make me feel better ? All I want for now is to believe I can be welcome and loving and comfortable some day so any small things I can do to regain that belief I would be greatful X",3.4925371061195314,4.634437063139933,4.605771092943886,86.31427851416781,72.5665529010239,7.635463131994602,25.232002539884117,8.057270187336151,1.3091150567505356,2253,68,476,32,43,739,246,586,0.19399999999999998,0.644,0.162,-0.9797,2,2,2,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,14,4,38,44,5,6,11,1,71,5,0,17,4,125,126,64,0,14,22,0,8,3,5,7,4,4,0,1,32,40,0,1,19,1,2,6,14,20,0,1,27,17,73,24,57,84,14,39,1,3,5,1,38,19,1,13,19,343,105,0,0.12958929490650964,0.0,0.06323022917411338,0.0,0.0,0.06331657958625203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710771371832634,0.0,0.0,0.10782867454418676,0.0,0.0,0.2203129108567488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04530592404990877,0.0,0.05332047399226862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820164829847112,0.03949821568532968,0.2146817923656292,0.055135472631434986,0.07300137933432484,0.06799798499011836,0.05730560019122969,0.0707389733523945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05173325360297512,0.0,0.0711738777051512,0.0417871872799074,0.06680043640088358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135393231501866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630742056577549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861046818504311,0.0,0.0,0.058233251147999175,0.0,0.06108262704298019,0.0,0.1965727236821247,0.0,0.0622130227127302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25030091946156097,0.0,0.06770505798774898,0.0,0.03682429134092124,0.0,0.0,0.07143632756241335,0.0,0.0,0.1145953855106078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04343048637536682,0.06845910250736552,0.0,0.25742281980595944,0.06380967585365532,0.0,0.06936401021348307,0.0,0.06998933806684232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747365445357723,0.1780472185694324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039957404454111,0.0,0.04576637570161104,0.0949661755247946,0.0,0.05721486079419525,0.0,0.2720559245588709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058479699078498475,0.06131026208930309,0.17300372125492314,0.0,0.13018986471868405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34368440767336145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688664560107567,0.09526304249166226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348499729791687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0439065300129818,0.0,0.06894607325258192,0.0,0.0,0.07016628899957497,0.0,0.0,0.0565761869101225,0.0,0.0,0.06125188532422909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891708329734067,0.0,0.0,0.12452733096097884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05533427489314074,0.06163454755301252,0.0515273043215481,0.06487074561834794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05359880194274405,0.14566379705353066,0.0,0.0,0.10980058904112873,0.09976417037915616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773743394438593,0.0741743693503926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415896649060602,0.05663337781383657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609336929732835,0.08303558758970267,0.0,0.15431913733659106,0.07556455998948977,0.0,0.1228354990928372,0.061914062355199785,0.0,0.08798262477679361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910878091967898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245972794255121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092056517003074,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,xray223,2020/01/01,"everyone reading this is still alive tonight!!!!! let's ring in the new year/decade, y'all 🙆🏻‍♀️ who else is ringing in the new year alone and with no friends lol bc they don’t have any??? cuz i ammm but i'm also still alive so like, it’s a win, overall. tbh, it got pretty shady for a couple of nights, not going to lie. but I think the worst part is over, for now🤞🏻 honestly, feeling pretty lukewarm about the whole alive situation, BUT not feeling like i have to kill myself like RIGHT THIS INSTANT, so i'm just embracing the fact that i exist here.... for now my new year’s (bpd related) goal is to go 1 full calendar year without hospitalization! it’ll be the first time since 2013 when all of this started 😞 what sorts of things are y’all doing tonight???",0.8876470588235286,3.0917331337579625,2.44233795429,94.00130385912328,83.90445859872611,5.477557137504684,21.337204945672536,6.794906146795322,0.35219850131135244,590,19,132,7,17,192,109,157,0.085,0.642,0.27399999999999997,0.9874,0,1,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,2,1,3,10,8,1,0,8,1,12,0,0,1,2,16,21,9,1,0,7,0,2,3,1,1,0,2,0,0,10,2,0,0,3,1,0,2,5,2,0,1,1,4,9,6,15,17,5,23,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,19,76,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087994095614407,0.0,0.11649977680075642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906699882956914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834781254237216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16119150357103212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169645937214205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920292548956986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473197803918424,0.10407340430774263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391483731647178,0.0,0.0,0.11255155587073924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558593924360596,0.0,0.11651313750125065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117269023657174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896707352815008,0.0,0.21351481315774404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42209426493578267,0.0,0.1367102638592646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15775661179284836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964166787003821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571883949186726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440942577437487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050751879858515,0.16374976795612836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311264085808043,0.0,0.2326795405136476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967829311755338,0.09334548786283346,0.0,0.0,0.08494683932644315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264586609165502,0.0,0.14042975899408994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752510719424177 bpd,jen235,2020/01/01,"I told a friend about my diagnosis and they told me to “get a second opinion” After I got diagnosed it weighed really heavy on me. My brother was diagnosed with BPD years ago, and everyone in my family thinks he’s crazy. I’m a bit guilty of feeling that way as well to be honest. Now I’m just another crazy person in the family, and now I feel guilty for the way I pushed my brother away when he was clearly struggling. The main difference is I have better coping mechanisms because I’ve been going to counseling on my own for years before I was diagnosed. I’m also much higher functioning. It also felt nice to have a name to what I was going through emotionally though. I opened up to one of my better friends about the recent diagnosis and she almost got a disgusted look on her face. “Are you sure?” “You really need a second opinion because you hit almost none of the requirements for a diagnosis” Like okay then I didn’t realize I had to defend my diagnosis to you. I told her that I don’t express my BPD in public, but internally I feel like I’m dying in the inside most of the time. I even recently tired to kill myself because I felt so abandoned and hopeless. She then literally pulled up the Mayo Clinic page about it and pointed out all the criteria she thought I didn’t meet. It was frustrating because I literally have all of the things she was listing off, but I was so done with defending myself over the matter. It felt so dumb, and then it made me feel dumb for trusting someone again.",6.278063808574277,6.252750684745762,7.257647058823532,73.93634097706881,65.88135593220339,10.73778664007976,32.94616151545364,10.46071229359064,3.4024795613160532,1192,46,224,28,17,402,150,295,0.151,0.753,0.096,-0.9804,0,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,4,1,3,17,20,5,1,18,1,19,7,1,1,4,39,44,20,2,1,3,2,7,2,2,0,5,0,0,1,10,11,1,2,10,0,0,4,4,8,1,3,22,8,42,12,39,20,9,35,0,2,1,0,25,15,2,5,16,163,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987600447882876,0.0,0.20305462319468687,0.0,0.0,0.16216288885465754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631612168861447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952591227880273,0.0,0.0,0.24722530089859335,0.0,0.08627531380205754,0.0,0.0,0.17934220577606075,0.11069148105086953,0.0,0.2553939902497281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087257591193821,0.10522668028479076,0.10593083705460284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375704140524013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140499598872046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696705457229761,0.0,0.0,0.0968823681654544,0.0,0.0,0.191162696698552,0.0,0.2050630638943832,0.07243294519072731,0.29205053303860473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666712800918395,0.0,0.05297202368180295,0.0,0.11524440217331215,0.0,0.1621814863992088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217287178986952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990679406311601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514195722934023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959375488879952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453322237434673,0.0751793057710985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870440161366713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852972589939763,0.0,0.0,0.09584620163938856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990589715154013,0.0,0.2002205347067416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590730996811252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599470886490772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555875495523908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673589260951449,0.06496653637059227,0.09961503497160487,0.08049223342642506,0.0591212500252576,0.11653274341505401,0.0,0.2906471044963632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095712300095585,0.0,0.0,0.09116167183442704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305835074174886 bpd,bleucarebear,2020/01/01,"DAE else reassure others that it’s totally okay if they do something specific and then have a total meltdown about it in private? my partner has the habit of checking in with me when he does minor things because i have severe separation anxiety so when something comes up and ruins our plans it take a toll on me and makes me go crazy in the head as if he left and he’s never coming back. but because i wanna be a good girlfriend i try my best to tell him im gonna be fine when he has something to do, even when i know im gonna spend the rest of the day crying and stuck in bed",6.261962365591394,4.437649443548388,7.12483870967742,80.79059139784948,66.66129032258064,9.87956989247312,32.763440860215056,8.344100000000001,2.292563440860216,457,15,100,5,6,154,82,124,0.105,0.778,0.11800000000000001,0.5714,0,0,3,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,1,2,8,6,0,0,7,1,8,1,1,1,3,17,17,15,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,6,8,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,12,5,14,12,4,18,0,1,0,0,11,7,0,2,8,68,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363421140387622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437416696509953,0.0,0.22891083760917605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19704023877723487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32347345771263303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062431388189331,0.121088255198423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164308125574534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684755843024248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401226329704725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067070908008822,0.1574823436532008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19269368208780607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4056213102948663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318678256610624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20399941088795293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253297967225577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481039864891368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21211288315300192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336354074854945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117050703035286,0.0,0.16410860246551984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473794661670838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747522883793252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ArdentLearnur,2020/01/01,"What am i missing? No, what am i missing? Something vital is missing, but i don't know what. No matter what i do, hoｗ successful i am, how pretty i am, how smart i am, how happy i am, there's always something missing. There's always this void inside of me that i can't seem to get rid of. But for what? I should be happy to be as blessed and lucky as i am. Tomorrow i could cure cancer and destroy world hunger, but there would still be this nagging void inside of me, this emptiness that tells me that i'm missing something vital. Is it my lack of identity? There are times where I believe that I've found myself only to be swept off of my feet by my habitual capriciousness. Honestly I'm beginning to fear that I'll never be truly content with my life.",3.0008874458874466,4.3822146948051985,4.509805194805197,85.58708874458877,74.12987012987014,6.951515151515152,26.46969696969697,7.492282038375204,1.3920969696969705,589,21,119,7,12,197,80,154,0.245,0.5429999999999999,0.212,-0.5376,0,0,3,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,9,17,2,1,0,0,21,4,1,3,1,19,33,10,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,14,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,1,0,21,9,15,24,1,8,1,5,0,0,1,3,0,2,5,89,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442522001070142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23306310267580765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516280522599114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327777271990201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268139599543769,0.0,0.0,0.10807707351120416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4404177731074074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368617294900422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611304082892654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15954504652829665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573281876099558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104534436664965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883197727188073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4777583786045954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652005912303345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18080686787924616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062313728914667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146949123906325,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Simonphilo,2020/01/01,"Borderline relationships and love issues. Hi, I'm a 20yo guy, being institutionalized twice within the last 1.3 years. I met a 35yo woman there, whose suffering from BPD, Depression suchs as many other mental and physical issues. I'm suffering from combined personality disorders. (ICD-10 F.61 if you want to check it out). I'm mostly Borderline tho. So as it's usual with my borderline I got feelings for her and we started cuddeling, later having sexual plays. She's totally fucked up and I love it. I always calm her down while she yells at me and I'm doing so well like no one before then she got a bf who doesn't understand her as fairly as I do and she gets frustrated. I need to calm her down - always. Whenever I do, my feelings for her increased and I'm frustrated that I can't have her. I need a needy gf to feel alive. When I fight with her as friend, I feel needed and that's amazing. She always says if I wear younger she's dated me. I want a more mature woman. I can't deal with the immaturity of most people of my generation. (I should mention here, that I'm an misanthrope). To get back to the issue her, I can't stop my brain of saying I should go with her, and I don't know how to make it stop. I want this kind of relationship. I'll probably be dead soon. I made a bet with myself and if I love it I'll end me within the next 1.5 years. I personally don't care about my life but I just wanna be loved. I need a lot of love that my parents neglected to give me specially during puberty. This behavior, forcing her bf to be their 24/7 for her, worrying sickly when he doesn't say ""Good night"", when he overslept etc. I need a gf like her but I can't be with her. The last part is rational and not as biased as the subjective feelings for her. Is this wrong to be loved throughout my possible end of my life? Thank you kindly for the read P.S. I feel like I'm living in an Endzeit and nothing matters anymore because hopefully I'll lose my own bet and I can end me. I really wanna be gone but I want to use the time more or less adequately to at least ease the pain through love even if it's dysfunctional.",2.0719457274826785,4.0483900254041565,4.083482101616628,85.06656264434183,78.30715935334872,7.655635103926097,23.06518475750577,8.548686976883017,1.50318480369515,1663,53,348,36,40,567,211,433,0.106,0.7170000000000001,0.177,0.9818,1,0,0,0,1,1,56.0,1,2,1,1,16,34,4,0,19,0,25,14,2,4,1,67,72,37,1,18,10,1,6,3,5,2,4,4,0,5,16,21,0,3,8,2,3,3,10,11,1,2,5,10,69,23,50,58,12,35,0,5,0,8,57,9,1,11,26,232,85,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19328098739630475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678860141294651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595379969214499,0.0,0.0471999008941684,0.0,0.0658862381199523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751891076632084,0.0864361903117488,0.0,0.0,0.07894386056515948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982573195021499,0.06668934459575539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874015631350232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20573690475585946,0.0,0.08635362160870086,0.05114101716123825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23490208140564495,0.05531517724195052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05982132806415809,0.07158171293475579,0.08090674405432963,0.07427679667250492,0.04400459290709245,0.06494363561504428,0.12385382979958795,0.0,0.0,0.07666672283114899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769043067637325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424467702631005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612604391321444,0.042552864351697126,0.12622967429901527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093805560540114,0.11348345729787855,0.0,0.0683710823970887,0.0,0.0,0.08662306404153086,0.0,0.06582722907159398,0.4891778443793812,0.07326503853908058,0.051684350519836345,0.07850068865871343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803005711115263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870625108992169,0.0,0.0,0.08234644748071103,0.07266171916321612,0.0,0.07429505819901606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052467784411570025,0.0,0.08238974262760497,0.0,0.08597556136418398,0.08384788602290186,0.0,0.0536794069758777,0.1352157493088762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728938079640422,0.0,0.0,0.08348138309694687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744979120841836,0.0,0.0496028962151876,0.0,0.0,0.16625918986725707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18472355890932385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054804529965067884,0.0,0.0,0.12946795097841118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712860710138801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045149378025449285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060615089235859,0.0,0.06687365560788053,0.08527692584475906,0.0,0.1826781387397644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961782407046739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863274333739613,0.0,0.0,0.08465627922305331,0.0,0.0997232659621115 bpd,shuffdub,2020/01/01,"Please stand by, transformation in progress. As we all know- hobbies and interests are fleeting for us with BPD. I can’t speak for everyone, but I know this is accurate for me. I don’t want to have superficial interests anymore. I want to dive deep in something that catches my attention. I was explaining this to my (F) girlfriend (does not have BPD, has other mental illnesses). I told her how annoyed I was with myself, when new ideas and visions I had for myself fall short because I can’t follow through.. she simply told me not to quit them anymore. Quick response to a long, growing problem I’ve had. She’s right, and she likes to hear that lol. I have a lot of ideas for me, for us, for our life together. I am deciding to go the distance. I am following through in 2020.",2.927625354777671,5.131166119205299,4.011130558183542,85.51531456953646,76.5496688741722,7.493093661305583,29.991012298959323,8.418075326091056,2.380027057710502,608,29,119,12,14,197,96,151,0.047,0.804,0.149,0.8834,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,4,0,1,2,3,5,1,0,3,1,15,2,0,1,1,22,26,7,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,5,6,0,0,7,0,0,6,5,2,0,0,6,2,28,3,24,20,2,17,0,0,0,0,15,6,0,1,5,86,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142986362127037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659548557626647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3991485727676688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866904109709194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141491364687318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005622763864106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17859545645275848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577631426883465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17417047565119065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192468336246726,0.07741534378176661,0.0,0.0,0.14023173660802946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471666329486634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968998055940498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530412440478982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739410277970505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162441193917145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854126218362778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532361043587046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198992174306285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028298272937464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38121471395450174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186927124649072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tinykittymama,2020/01/01,"How are you holding up tonight? I've had better and I've had worse NYEs. I rekindled things with the wrong person a couple weeks ago in the hope I'd have someone at midnight on NYE. And now I have no one to kiss at midnight and my mind jumps to the possibility that he's with one of the other women he's seeing. I'm brilliant. In bed with Netflix and cats, trying to tell myself to let go and surrender this one to the universe instead of engaged in all of my destructive behaviors. Hope all the lonely hearts and not-so-lonely hearts can find a spark of joy going into the new year. <3",2.7593388429752075,4.398681669421492,4.0496611570247945,87.57994628099175,75.28099173553719,6.162314049586778,24.49669421487604,6.742157984588678,0.8282852892561983,466,15,95,4,10,153,79,121,0.111,0.713,0.17600000000000002,0.8316,0,4,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,3,9,1,0,9,0,7,3,2,1,2,18,13,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,10,0,1,1,1,0,3,1,3,0,3,2,1,6,6,20,10,2,17,0,1,1,1,6,8,0,2,6,61,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195536021698104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615861302858196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20215761210631505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669874118595285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20766887419173166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4330083356023881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629309976765139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18682639717201968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18447814586585864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17645588589307176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714132434910818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952938418980314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20597040264814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455907931275226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480382569114876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596906469073712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137988557488626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404347762373802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14655348392617698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18619016623395546,0.0,0.19975726439090447,0.0,0.11765486853155555 bpd,inuttedinyourdad,2020/01/01,"Anyone else have super high (or low) expectations for every holiday/birthday and always is dissapointed no matter how it turns out? I set very low nye expectations as ive NEVER been out to celebrate it, but i figured if I was ever going to celebrate nye it would be 2020. Every little triumph I had set for today was shit on and im in bed about in tears because once again im stuck in the house with nothing to do. Im treating everyone around me like shit. It sucks not even knowing how to feel right now, I feel guilty because im sure theres plenty of people out there in a way worse situation but at the same time I just wanted to do something for myself. Im at a low ass point right now and i cant bring myself to full on cry about something so stupid. Dont know why im about to post this stupid ass complaint, maybe someone can relate 🤷‍♀️",1.8082303370786548,3.605622898876408,3.863356741573035,87.17908005617979,78.43820224719101,6.247752808988763,22.360955056179773,7.1686216300943375,0.7217853932584273,668,20,141,8,16,228,113,178,0.284,0.618,0.09699999999999999,-0.9922,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,15,13,5,0,4,0,14,4,4,2,3,30,24,11,0,5,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,8,0,0,5,0,0,2,5,8,0,0,5,2,11,5,28,17,2,34,0,3,0,2,0,21,5,2,8,84,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982794463231715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548526501461253,0.11061356199938034,0.0,0.09610362578367188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161781118632498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858447064830985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652349341312424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018328946816194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130384400273278,0.09765227873301494,0.1819149787203329,0.10315647463376068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091714785130788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06135381739003155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140613198781323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456659705883373,0.0,0.0,0.6996652878797479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865946240516252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052741792434741336,0.10820015797528383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845619691677172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326223391716407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358658341296724,0.0,0.0,0.11496949441379767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748430178676273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205320591741468,0.0,0.10339189623593394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843874721592202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216303295313965,0.0,0.12134693811241933,0.0,0.0,0.09147067117977536,0.16621942931210834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017471441732242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294994480452175,0.0,0.1023295561967871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742500275898304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907491132535286,0.06367517811750907,0.08569035672009744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741339490780754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001626992392624,0.07668876342356844,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hellokiffy,2020/01/01,"DAE hate their own art? I want to express myself through art so badly but whenever I try to create something, be it a movie or a painting, I just start hating it the more I work on it. I think Im just too afraid of others judging it and not liking it/thinking its cringy, even though Im not planning to show it to anyone from the start. Id just get so high/drunk that I cant think straight anymore, which is sort of the only state in which im able to focus on art a bit, but when I wake up the next day and look at it again I just think its shit and I delete it. This just makes my BPD even worse since I start feeling worthless and talentless which just loops back into hating my art. The rare cases when I actually publish something Im only able to be proud of it for a short amount of time, but after that I just delete it too.",2.536210025929126,3.4105946348314617,3.6713483146067434,93.12831892826277,74.56179775280899,6.1510803802938625,22.681071737251514,5.8734145424116955,0.1507021607605874,647,16,150,3,13,210,100,178,0.18899999999999997,0.758,0.053,-0.9803,0,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,3,18,9,4,1,9,0,4,2,2,1,0,25,18,13,0,1,13,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,18,5,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,7,0,0,0,2,16,2,20,16,4,20,0,1,1,0,2,8,1,2,12,97,34,2,0.2472307284115335,0.0,0.1206307637341654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259322485288793,0.08643473685305081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950525847531748,0.1032136656946029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495596161406412,0.0,0.15568922385619402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972168346879177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329356442728596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625036423685456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645839257615077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661337399558888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060641923784105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5341032233809089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06039222289770872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380577260781776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251421549638357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146634221856401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18803010960026748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688939495670346,0.10225590667693707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19033029333175366,0.0,0.0,0.2624867730888887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.316830936053664,0.12145146770268064,0.0,0.0720811129568085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839267179700993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729115445722104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999345739368025,0.0,0.12597461688169162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thunderp00ps,2020/01/01,"I’m in another country, working far away from home. My Christmas and NYE have been quite lonely because all my mates from home here have gone home for the holidays. I had a bf from here who I love but I got dumped a few days before Christmas so I’ve just been stuck in my kindle for the last 2 weeks. Relapsed into SH again. I am absolutely f-ing miserable and idk how I haven’t ended it. Trying so damn hard to keep my head above water bc if you guys can do it, I should be able to too. It’s 8pm on NYE and I’m in my office after watching the NYE fireworks celebrations from home and texting my family NY greetings while I’ve been crying my eyes out. Here’s to a fresh decade. I really hope I make it to 2030. Sorry for the depressing post. I didn’t know where else to put this.",0.7601842664776761,2.775854734939763,2.7905244507441544,92.44791991495394,82.97590361445782,5.833593196314671,19.40326009922041,7.048011613610866,0.241574486180014,610,16,137,8,17,205,109,166,0.17300000000000001,0.738,0.08800000000000001,-0.9284,0,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,2,10,7,2,1,7,0,13,4,2,2,1,16,23,10,0,3,3,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,4,1,6,6,1,1,1,1,0,2,2,5,0,0,8,3,17,2,20,13,2,19,0,3,2,1,6,9,1,2,7,82,23,1,0.16064795617296992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684533892006931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509340430318447,0.0,0.0,0.09792950300262206,0.0,0.1366995784221343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646423640913092,0.10360464165774293,0.0,0.13836584925202286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420075348702193,0.0,0.1422864063296397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514445957779129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284848460216103,0.0,0.0,0.1590667336469304,0.0,0.0,0.14390901425662242,0.0,0.16487114996994512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6445719939008115,0.15955966850481246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427912847742532,0.0,0.0,0.08828791540565613,0.13094952567805826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499105256107342,0.0,0.10723375819728106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385633481702626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149556721706315,0.0,0.17086887593774472,0.0,0.0,0.10291519435042128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17983223449375016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906941703265023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288621003066192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169536254018458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DieIsaac,2020/01/01,"I want to be the happy couple I want to be the happy couple who lives each other dearly Instead i am the one pushing away my partner because i just hate myself and i dont believe that anyone could ever love me. NYE was a quite talk with my partner that i dont want this relationship anymore. That he doesnt love me. The talk were you want to other one to break up but deep down you only want to see and feel that he/she cares about you. All others around us were happy and kissing and i was just my ""mr hyde"" self. He doesnt know about BPD and i dont want him too. Now i am laying in bed alone. He is downtown with friends(i have a cold thats why i went home earlier) How can i break out of this? Do you know this? I want to love him and believe that he loves me instead of pushing him away. I want to be the happy couple :-(",0.6607435558493044,2.4153832303370777,2.547461996034372,95.44780237937874,81.86516853932585,4.637673496364839,18.897554527428948,5.0885558068054335,-0.514430006609385,637,15,147,2,17,212,89,178,0.040999999999999995,0.69,0.26899999999999996,0.9909,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,4,0,1,13,12,1,0,7,0,19,5,0,1,2,29,38,8,0,9,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,13,11,0,0,3,0,0,3,5,1,0,2,5,3,28,11,20,29,2,15,0,0,1,5,24,8,0,0,2,106,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894765138073867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474715867820696,0.06680178074891509,0.0,0.0,0.08504829833390479,0.0,0.0,0.17952055195477534,0.0,0.0,0.058238546051464224,0.0,0.0,0.21527525324449348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032566738407492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740646848630237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762786222130023,0.3171300425982986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359064049758922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641880123613542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04830644212651188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068041940167415,0.0,0.09432313408475924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958315282915084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050094132919762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436103371698529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449039495851319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947685994184135,0.07266029037067749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161549476867897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025711209359731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613072121530237,0.0,0.0996660596350717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357824806473774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491940095174535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4508021836506012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856387414188488,0.08620739752823459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dakota_lineman123,2020/01/01,"my fp is convinced i don’t have bpd even though i KNOW i do. i was going over it with him, how i’ve always been like this and the symptoms make more sense than any other diagnoses that’s been thrown at me.... and he looked at me and said ‘do you even know what you’re saying? you don’t have that. you’re a good person, you just have depression and anxiety like everyone else’ this was after me talking about how i feel like i’m slowly becoming shittier and shittier to the people around me and other friends and family are starting to point it out... the Angry Mean Bad part that comes with BPD that i’ve held together for years is starting to come out. and he won’t believe me, he says the people i’m taking it out on deserve it. of course he would think i’m a good person, though. i would never hurt him or do anything intentionally to make him angry at me, i mean he’s my favorite person in the whole world!! and all i want is to be around him.... but comments like that, as if he’s been around the past 10 years i’ve been in therapy.... yeah, don’t tell me i don’t have it when it helps me make sense of why i’m feeling a certain way. anyways, new years resolution is to get back into therapy... on the plus side, though, it has been a full year since i’ve last been hospitalized!!!",3.5565543071161048,4.13837411235955,4.735074906367044,87.53422284644195,71.92134831460675,8.030711610486893,24.94569288389513,8.167268648758528,1.2001895131086149,996,27,223,14,18,329,132,267,0.055,0.818,0.127,0.9409,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,3,0,0,15,12,0,0,11,1,29,2,0,6,3,45,54,20,0,4,4,0,2,4,1,3,2,3,0,3,17,21,0,1,7,0,0,3,6,3,0,0,10,6,26,9,31,40,5,36,0,2,1,0,24,19,0,2,17,143,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834443384908496,0.0,0.0,0.06819657270256606,0.0,0.07671700105466643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252520397030652,0.2678221185928897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711222146222764,0.08373296810010956,0.0,0.1107558215271019,0.0,0.11298574953689294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526084259666632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727716075017693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863744797532142,0.10178616966182816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377443081217095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247329923927015,0.0,0.0,0.09582567899216356,0.0,0.0,0.09453884930758524,0.0,0.10141322774198792,0.07164292415364967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747918533325752,0.0,0.05239426154642375,0.0,0.05699371979349166,0.16822695660106368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721826492345989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735611787502353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022694982733026,0.08174486128994787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19597482714550946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421331989211714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20082108684350905,0.0,0.0,0.21847739479089115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734521878382777,0.09685493173345744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859782139913103,0.09573244476799143,0.1390486255070378,0.2626924152229237,0.0,0.0,0.09480081386149664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539306813302964,0.15949975612716386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295597791441947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196309148173775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423349517711117,0.07540110277963416,0.0806044968413067,0.08765265395600144,0.0,0.2293670341478157,0.0,0.0,0.06425795092920658,0.29558562238115954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059150113453570026,0.07960078749237004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049073015643168,0.11196352733742762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247778149114396,0.0,0.0,0.25831848457893003 bpd,thegirlflower,2020/01/01,"I feel like closing my eyes and pressing the x as hard as I can when I’m driving and just dying I don’t wanna die but I don’t care about being alive. I could close my eyes, press the X and drive into the ocean. No one else would die bc no one else will be around. Everything would be so fuvking peaceful and maybe then someone would care about my existence b",1.4751503759398474,3.2913936578947407,2.7732330827067675,94.51763157894736,79.52631578947368,5.9218045112781965,21.383458646616546,6.868970318607317,0.3157090225563905,282,8,64,3,7,91,50,76,0.166,0.625,0.21,0.7066,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,11,2,2,0,0,16,15,10,3,5,2,0,4,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,6,8,3,7,7,0,8,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,3,42,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16589878548281642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800103032421453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487922866340865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5802328374912448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113576219754921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748721553344453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422857642984116,0.13313471831198734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166940822966811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104546511914208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18722239873737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525630051779309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790115234758414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39715169771390507,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wobbletastic,2020/01/01,"New year, a time to remember how far you've come, or not in my case... This time last year was the first time I had a full blown sober hallucination and it still freaks me out. Ended up cutting my arms to try and feel pain, to make sure the world was real. Of course the world was real, but my pain was none existent. Unfortunately I haven't really had any help over the past year, if anything my entire situation has gotten worse. I hate doing stuff like this, but after seeing all the new years posts about how people's lives have gotten better, I just needed to vent how this has literally been the worst year of my life. Well I guess the only way is up....i hope....",4.221757877280268,4.941563895522389,5.098756218905475,85.02576285240467,70.49253731343283,8.045107794361526,20.85903814262024,8.167268648758528,0.6664371475953561,518,8,112,7,9,169,91,134,0.157,0.725,0.11800000000000001,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,2,7,11,2,0,9,0,13,4,1,4,2,23,23,9,0,3,6,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,6,1,1,9,2,11,5,12,14,4,27,0,0,1,0,1,8,0,4,17,68,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583402521337983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596950058653142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463696095334716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213946532305553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481797220987792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125605759386062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198709740276712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15524508766938344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391345414587742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445924685350224,0.0,0.0,0.13997060424107655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487291497905923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953969528742332,0.0688489750348694,0.0,0.12443960707087545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406872094035612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449431194787848,0.0,0.2722130336451669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718002832583044,0.2999088749159917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345291289878703,0.09769984732844106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496746610505167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32080764985143706,0.09028034511353873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596408742958866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122992051737644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15840592302578946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125431133256806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16132573335963266,0.0,0.0,0.13282041177723058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24652399804133696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567901681759622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185993039297766,0.0,0.0,0.12670875417978147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361490331967705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4537563103095604 bpd,kskskssksk,2020/01/01,"Does anyone else have issues with overweight people? Sometimes I don’t. Then other times I feel so intensely disgusted by them, especially when they don’t count calories or realize what they’re putting into their bodies.",7.461754385964912,10.024749736842107,6.73947368421053,69.30464912280705,64.78947368421053,9.27719298245614,33.719298245614034,9.725611199111238,3.8589192982456137,182,8,25,4,3,56,34,38,0.17300000000000001,0.8270000000000001,0.0,-0.7559,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,5,4,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,3,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413888284726341,0.3537230496448109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38346632605961545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021080751206933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883905698458359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745557579734007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603244338937682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393350331210427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470457314668455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414356191107417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20130304140601396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,VinnieGognitti,2020/01/01,"I never want to be friends with people I admire...I want to BE them. In my life I always hear how people would ""love to be friends"" with these celebrities, sports legends or pioneers in whichever field they chose and suceeded in. They'll say things like ""I would love to marry Gal Gadot"" (which i can see) or, ""I would be so happy if I was friends with Labron James.""/""if I could meet Stan Lee someday!"" RIP.... But for ME, for some reason I never feel this way, except for maybe certain authors I'd love to get pointers from. When it comes to admirable people, I want to become them. I want to live in their skin and think their thoughts. This has been with romantic relationships too. A lot of people I've wanted to date I've also wanted to BE. I know that sounds odd if they're a different gender, since I'm straight. But I still want their mind, their confidence, their different life, their family and friends and thoughts and ideas. It's so hard to pinpoint exactly why. I do enjoy my talents and personality. But I have this weird obsession to KNOW people. I suppose I just find the mystique fascinating and like to compare my life to others more than I should. Because if i dont want to be them, then i want to know how their life has been different than mine....and THEN maybe I'll want to be them. Haha. Even when I visualize certain scenarios in my mind, often I visualize myself as not myself...but someone else or someone I've made up. Has anyone felt like this or is it odd?",3.4077577319587635,5.197589264604812,4.142186426116839,86.96111469072166,73.87972508591065,6.911855670103092,25.527061855670105,7.645422480735847,1.2697226804123711,1160,39,233,15,24,370,148,291,0.067,0.7190000000000001,0.214,0.9947,3,0,0,0,0,0,55.0,0,0,13,0,12,19,0,1,3,1,24,8,1,4,5,64,51,27,0,18,13,0,4,3,4,5,4,3,0,1,12,12,0,0,11,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,7,8,41,17,36,31,3,17,0,0,1,3,25,7,0,10,11,152,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960522740470101,0.07242359800568589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060859841680092785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053058296539923736,0.09612797273176213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497657525247453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949372934993688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728123575412311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200930971686184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727100940582223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574885794777073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205282397826769,0.0,0.04400964146447285,0.0,0.0835712943094558,0.0,0.07955226407943204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26898512104565164,0.0,0.045474396521929035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265486101228942,0.0779700388451021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809951917133633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825667733108476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435034260214589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459134815485395,0.12756888924803955,0.0,0.0768572199487074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399762656945845,0.23566886463873274,0.08235860811512341,0.0,0.0,0.17488517718794358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17576958662189554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426001414046884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30171015610810953,0.07599928376740231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949080760088131,0.0,0.09344754153450252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692170758896086,0.0,0.0,0.0693589839703462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199973665440823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474960858995543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950962814964219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05782498574986813,0.05577121337328687,0.0,0.13819882592200566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5133798309422551,0.06908767615091846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853935189154951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854904794874988,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Potential-Carry,2020/01/01,"I feel so sad of what I've done now. A person with bpd made me little angry and I've just went full blown anger on him and did some stupid things (to him), now it's new year and I feel like I might have ruined it for him or something that he just feels sad on me or I don't know. I feel so bad about it, fuck fuck. There is no way I can fix it.",-1.2489814814814828,0.15059130864197634,0.8871450617283969,106.73590277777781,86.53086419753086,4.05,11.35956790123457,3.1291,-2.090124691358025,260,1,76,0,8,86,56,81,0.354,0.62,0.026000000000000002,-0.9851,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,8,9,4,0,1,0,7,2,0,1,0,16,16,7,0,0,4,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,8,0,0,4,4,11,1,7,11,2,10,0,3,0,2,5,4,2,4,5,48,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18884095258969125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848508590707939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314485344782544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4574296353401868,0.16157456675023205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4181776080761164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429609673911653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049433061274004,0.2266798960703609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21400576568908367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23992865896546026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184346021233623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974812990007088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411528627319722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025606472201294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17952174487564918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096601347028342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456448690588898 bpd,MarieMarieIsMe,2020/01/01,"I can’t handle long pauses between texts I try to be casual when it comes to relationships but I just can’t 😭 I’ve gone on two dates with a new person, and already I’m immobilized if she doesn’t text me back. I know that I’ll drive her off if I request too much attention too soon... I do this with everyone I really like. My day is literally horrible until I get that text, and then I starve for the next one. I get nothing done except obsessing over them and if I did something that they didn’t like. I’m only recently diagnosed... wondering if this is something others deal with, and how you handle it?",2.2866862170088,4.145558870967744,4.507976539589446,82.82060117302055,77.2258064516129,8.380058651026394,24.175953079178885,9.095868883498916,1.971574193548387,476,16,98,12,11,165,84,124,0.096,0.809,0.095,-0.2656,0,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,2,0,7,4,0,1,2,0,10,1,0,1,0,19,18,13,0,4,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,8,0,0,3,1,0,3,4,1,0,2,4,0,18,3,12,13,1,17,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,5,13,70,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23021619300127186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041509111600885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17970674838638606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345419606502674,0.21507697145219976,0.0,0.2117438373714829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21348961127304347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19934434173072085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21798957624486426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465151609367287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038413571601625,0.0,0.0,0.1846212011128452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335892828207578,0.0,0.0,0.2014854766785311,0.22186861430903865,0.0,0.0,0.20017550382469448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136559595952475,0.1586641080955591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821580156141283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336466379020982,0.0,0.20598603981235145,0.22397867303645566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212101115002049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163856927406052,0.0,0.2037903953528397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262383463268753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,howdy-cloudy,2020/01/02,"Limp Body During Dissociation So I believe that I experience dissociation alongside with my BPD. One of the things I experience during these supposed dissociative episodes is my body kinda starts to feel heavy and sometimes goes limp. Does anyone else experience this? Or what other things do yall experience during dissociation? I find that during times where I'm very overwhelmed, overstimulated emotionally, or really stressed I go into these dissociative states and I just completely blank out and it's really hard to concentrate on literally anything. I feel like these states are becoming more frequent :(",8.14333333333333,11.562015050505051,8.247474747474747,55.52454545454546,65.16161616161617,11.268686868686867,35.24242424242424,10.980518767755715,5.218139393939394,506,24,67,17,9,164,69,99,0.08199999999999999,0.877,0.040999999999999995,-0.6035,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,13,8,6,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,5,10,1,7,8,1,10,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,3,4,42,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818197314537037,0.15852621556557106,0.1273192017709578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708731649229379,0.0,0.17431347940329292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437122094706894,0.1948610945952091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622182048535747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353942014487699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924649860495607,0.17403620187326654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6053730510478296,0.0,0.0,0.1564594885433071,0.11053011052310724,0.0,0.0,0.14140886106033998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792943926168212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859636199552236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558708539619444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484048500011467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19823180090157755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15301942186483036,0.0,0.1095097413809226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17722820933662778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20557467396665505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021693488162254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276580225698375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,holybovinebatman,2020/01/02,"PSA/Off my chest: the worst thing you to someone with BPD who is getting a little clingy is to ghost them. You might as well be cutting their brakes. I was going to write more, but that's pretty much it. I know the impulse is to back out and make distance, but almost any other way of dealing with it would be better. Even just make up an excuse. We know how we are. Just show the courtesy of saying you're taking the week to focus on work or family or your stamp collection or whatever. But [radio silence](https://youtu.be/TTglDb7qjvQ) is the hardest thing.",3.970706126687439,5.999276579439254,4.0447975077881635,87.23880581516096,72.92523364485982,6.250882658359295,23.10384215991693,6.937597516519254,0.7542240913811011,442,12,83,4,9,136,80,107,0.049,0.82,0.132,0.8846,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,2,3,2,2,6,4,1,0,7,0,10,1,1,3,0,24,17,9,1,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,10,2,13,12,3,8,0,0,0,0,12,4,0,5,2,63,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21902534897373732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14874311922161212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818898510376168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934478939105944,0.0,0.0,0.27548133088607074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254998410441086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446834321401045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061980943670364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427679695456007,0.0,0.12430864663976728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404153125276385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21922377084725425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29200641301879604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320367454924487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607908727596566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22252587592289827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394196145980292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853282456624529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445687482136687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906274590032842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361678094515584,0.17545109076275128,0.0,0.19666350534083435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923720858644144,0.0,0.0,0.15537870012322924,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ReadyToBeMom,2020/01/02,"How to accept that you'll never receive the amount of love that you give? Most of the time, my partner and I are happy. He shows me love in so many ways, and I can really feel that he loves me the absolute most that he ever could. But I know that his capability for love is far lower than mine. How can I accept this? I know that the amount of love I can give is abnormal and arguably unhealthy because of my BPD, but I can't help but wish that I knew what it felt like to be on the receiving end of that love.",4.721681957186547,3.8782553119266048,5.784908256880738,85.94445718654434,69.27522935779818,9.101529051987768,26.42354740061162,8.344100000000001,1.3309987767584095,395,9,93,5,6,132,64,109,0.09,0.682,0.228,0.9519,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,4,10,0,0,5,0,10,6,0,2,2,21,24,9,0,2,3,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,11,3,0,0,7,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,2,16,10,11,19,4,10,0,0,0,6,18,3,0,2,5,65,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013812875263108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18623285150916505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805947669148655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096595020141014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375383763164814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476581397024036,0.0,0.14197515898049182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28369430168131754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740678340848382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991118891010109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625272720096079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224016923358778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8007324716053921,0.0,0.0,0.14991356014401191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404386523997745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472715325341684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622222446365292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736965289539088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700393337619107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PM_me_cutecats,2020/01/02,"Seeking advice on how to handle periods of separation. My partner is going away for the weekend tomorrow, returning Tuesday and I’m just looking for some coping mechanisms people have learnt or ways to handle being alone for several days. I do have some online friends and game a lot but other than that I’m fairly isolated as I recently moved to his country and haven’t made any connections with people yet. I suffer terribly with the fear of abandonment side of it and severe loneliness. Sometimes I can end up in a panic phase which results in panic contacting him which ends up putting a lot of pressure on him. I want him to have a nice weekend with his family, respect his needs/space and for us to be ok too. I find it hard to talk about this with people so I’m sorry if this seems kinda stupid/petty or whatever, I generally feel embarrassed that I struggle with something that is mostly simple for people without this condition or similar conditions. How do others handle this sort of situation? Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read.",6.750807692307693,7.853374649999999,7.52,68.54961538461541,65.0,10.553846153846157,34.384615384615394,10.560738912317856,4.0501576923076925,870,38,137,22,13,290,126,200,0.22,0.6829999999999999,0.09699999999999999,-0.983,0,1,1,0,0,0,15.0,1,1,0,0,7,15,0,6,7,1,12,0,0,4,0,34,23,14,0,2,7,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,13,10,0,1,3,4,0,3,2,9,0,0,1,3,17,6,34,20,5,24,0,2,1,0,13,8,0,12,12,104,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26108688736895763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835984356433287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18169273362098265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551301187266228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615505393774965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366437027490557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593757489099575,0.15032685959929634,0.06754755350438503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209962716097685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032119681682816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759227651635209,0.0,0.0,0.1472843963636146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967117193808745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218267789813212,0.0,0.0,0.2271483462973887,0.0,0.1264069031940161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198594397764774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134801843003789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37046033067968775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429571379878144,0.0,0.0,0.13362701303237665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190485915831132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161610294041356,0.0,0.30183929661869424,0.0,0.0,0.15016172550525592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284477180166518,0.13212477788157567,0.1495440321461426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965817407120434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044370222107153,0.1073752741000268,0.0,0.1229925167230572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789790561959113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069335771304116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879535130191383,0.10603820767467566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128776823234885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,avakazoo,2020/01/02,"BPD moment.. So today I had to learn parallel parking with my dad. Literally after the FIRST try I started crying cause I couldn’t do it right. I consciously know that obviously it’s my first try and it’s normal to not get it right, same goes with everything else in life. The idea of failing and not being able to do it triggered the thoughts about how I can’t do anything right in general and that I suck. Then I started thinking about how I can’t draw (I’m an artist) and I’m an imposter. Then I started thinking about my friend that I recently pushed away. I had to stop multiple times to cool my shit cause every time I went to try again I did everything angrily and aggressively. It just sucks cause I know all of this is stupid but I can’t help thinking like this. Anytime I try something new and I don’t get it the first time I IMMEDIATELY start degrading myself. Doesn’t matter what. I get so angry that the next time I try I do it out of anger further making things worse.",2.22081195450939,4.361838000000001,3.61533985718064,87.79717535043638,78.54773869346734,6.8025390108436925,24.544035969320284,7.85451343220497,1.3196170854271356,778,28,161,13,19,255,104,199,0.19,0.752,0.059000000000000004,-0.9779,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,4,10,11,6,0,7,1,15,2,1,7,2,37,34,13,0,2,4,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,16,9,0,1,9,1,0,2,8,8,0,3,5,1,26,3,19,27,2,31,0,1,0,0,3,8,3,0,22,105,42,2,0.11278035175828728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280861998832572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596085297906856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204290497618555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475694641003272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388392064914387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421351223539644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502231053304293,0.0,0.20271941608257416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877927287751893,0.0,0.0,0.08713382000469412,0.0,0.17676923686904014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559429247579505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273152894635092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239622637306999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966009775812655,0.0550987831134889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528176055244051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892396650700813,0.11994318356013335,0.0,0.1105007991871298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113569914382942,0.0,0.0,0.2889414125406138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576741038267843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682382473299301,0.0,0.0,0.3193060538072023,0.0,0.0,0.09428942403978882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492625436702703,0.21679528660709585,0.0,0.08953500160854168,0.2630525202632849,0.0,0.1069025864064568,0.0,0.0,0.3828522787357854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454851597792636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493281353670008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdthrowaway342,2020/01/02,"She’s leaving and I don’t think she’s coming back It’s been 5 years and I don’t remember what life is like without her. She’s been my only real friend for a long time and I ruined it. She hated how attached I was to her. She got scared of how emotionally unstable I was once I started opening up to her. She has severe anxiety and I hate everything that I’ve done to her and I can’t forgive myself for it. I met her back in freshman year of high school and now we’re college sophomores living in different states. I haven’t seen her in person for months and she’s afraid to see me. Back in August, she couldn’t handle it and stopped talking to me and I was just living in denial trying to get her to talk to me. I had to keep trying because I can’t face life without her. I managed to get her to talk to me again over winter break and things were going well and then she just stopped out of nowhere and said she was scared, that she was having nightmares and didn’t think she could do this. And I’ve been trying everything to get her to talk to me about it. I’ve nearly emptied my bank account sending her money via PayPal. She just blocked my discord because I misclicked and accidentally called her. I don’t know what to do. I can’t imagine a life without her there and I love her more than anything and I don’t know how to make her nightmares go away. I’m hopeless when it comes to social connections and making close friends because I either stay distant or drive people away if I can get out of bed and see people at all. I think about her constantly and I need her to function. Every night I hold the plushie that she got for me and try to cry, but can’t. Then I start to split and I start doing things that I’m gonna regret. I’ll send messages that I delete minutes later. I’ll start to do something and catch myself moments before I ruin everything for good. And I hate it because I can’t stop myself from destroying the only thing I care about. I want to try and fix things but she’s done trying. I keep staring at my screen waiting for a message that’s never coming. And I don’t know how to live in a world that doesn’t have her in it. I don’t even know who I am without her.",1.872973488865324,3.649856973913046,3.2021314952279987,92.08806468716864,78.17391304347825,5.531283138918346,23.17603393425239,6.219705907916566,0.4049024390243901,1728,55,373,12,41,562,198,460,0.11800000000000001,0.8320000000000001,0.049,-0.9768,1,0,1,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,0,19,19,4,3,6,0,38,5,1,6,2,77,80,37,0,6,12,0,0,1,2,1,3,1,1,1,23,33,0,8,10,0,3,9,20,11,1,0,18,6,83,8,59,59,3,59,0,4,5,1,52,20,0,2,28,261,106,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056570268529719574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06085317315445495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895377680952686,0.17058509906818425,0.0,0.18031285758936744,0.0,0.06292458059318676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550951082700375,0.0,0.07539524881396087,0.0,0.0,0.19109981026999293,0.0,0.07991187196465338,0.0,0.0590417226936439,0.0,0.08122876598384285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772602636814417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134962775085134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318191584950194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04884217323382697,0.0,0.062304655721968624,0.0,0.19937996702560545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142645895827724,0.0,0.15453979714277502,0.0,0.08405307790715061,0.062024349088400585,0.11828646645161732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21902599304992948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813046859792265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145734332897285,0.0,0.0,0.1625602686554628,0.0,0.0,0.07830060207737334,0.0,0.0,0.15669567297690193,0.03612741779617733,0.0,0.1958931853131336,0.06544194327940199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674125317341119,0.0,0.0987221663428706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05902484991725186,0.0,0.0,0.054831748230865326,0.05703350933873483,0.0,0.0,0.06939549644951876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875255592880791,0.0,0.11248207139677263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253291937228404,0.06456882770696484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416938663591406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376904028147909,0.0,0.07034179394361344,0.0,0.14807035347601452,0.07483965586891406,0.11785448661905185,0.0,0.0,0.08354056210771611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538100788371188,0.0,0.0569290356981224,0.0,0.0,0.20936402872965426,0.07881907853105011,0.0,0.18547234023463066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377474597979372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965119331107376,0.14214930807753398,0.0,0.0,0.04311986474508246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30123636377849816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04361663980122826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664884277270313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851341974356296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524059750724202 bpd,sasberrie,2020/01/02,"What is being loved by someone with BPD like? I have BPD, and am actively working to get through my issues. One of the hardest to shake is the feeling that no one will ever match the intensity of the love I have for them. I feel like BPD opens you to voracious, overwhelming love. I just don't know how to stop feeling unfulfilled by love that doesn't match the love I give out, if that makes sense? Anybody else feel similarly? How did you overcome it? Is it better if you're in a relationship with someone else with BPD?",3.8475,5.420558834951457,4.55358009708738,85.34745752427186,72.3009708737864,7.868446601941748,28.408980582524272,8.472884824447931,1.940709708737864,412,16,84,7,8,132,64,103,0.07200000000000001,0.644,0.284,0.9798,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,1,2,4,10,0,2,6,0,11,5,0,3,1,19,24,5,0,2,3,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,1,4,9,8,15,21,0,6,0,1,0,5,10,3,0,2,4,57,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901969780388204,0.0,0.0,0.6210021900303744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059476234960265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150211337731264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493101181594585,0.08806201263743249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440195144093748,0.11824899662947345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286587853542538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774435272813684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044411858241648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5562666737565718,0.0,0.08228172005536953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705790071682824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234269154683276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088875606573632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305678209557256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897398881336533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,[deleted],2020/01/02,"When everything seems to be going wrong, is it normal to feel too dead inside to do anything productive? I'm not diagnosed BPD, and I don't want to claim it. I'm just here because several tests I've taken suggest I show all the signs for it and people have mentioned that I may have it, but I have a question for BPD people? Lately for the past month, it seems like all my attempts to be the man I want to be and to become more independent have just been futile, and everything is starting to feel hopeless. Today, I feel like I can't do anything, even when I have the courage to attempt. On days like this, it's like, I know what I have to do to get my life in order. I have to: * Keep going to bed at a regular time * Keep waking up at the same time * Stop watching smut * Stop wasting time on YouTube videos and Reddit * Go ride my bike * Go do calisthenics * Play a game that's constructive to myself and my goals * Etc. But I just run into so many obstacles, feel so defeated, so much like I'm just not good enough for anyone and can never be independent without becoming homeless, can never be loved except by my family, who themselves I have to separate from for their sake and mine, that all I feel like doing is laying down. Like I actually don't have the physical strength and lack the faith to do what I have to do to move forward in life. Is this common for someone with BPD?",4.149746308216585,4.9773293021582745,5.2271071563801605,83.64725672093904,70.72661870503597,8.298674744414996,27.58121923513821,8.532816995589336,1.8347093525179847,1078,36,221,17,19,356,140,278,0.141,0.7340000000000001,0.124,-0.4971,0,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,1,5,12,16,0,0,10,0,33,5,1,2,5,48,56,16,1,4,10,0,5,7,0,1,3,0,1,1,14,11,0,4,9,5,0,8,8,3,0,0,2,6,24,13,38,48,9,34,1,2,1,1,8,10,0,4,24,155,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.10138149874424984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264219254250884,0.0,0.17098497467736834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333028293912568,0.22947633484185745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925368545536176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700035299695034,0.0,0.0,0.10544600197774807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734597748882876,0.11586463500335227,0.06861826031961127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18673898087187335,0.0,0.09793809634630682,0.0,0.2626491263149917,0.14843784665630205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054278154144145434,0.0,0.23617196363829845,0.08713786979803564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18468412865840028,0.0,0.0,0.0570951397822992,0.0,0.11719226602293605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467609344873707,0.3552873012021481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376463783430583,0.0,0.0,0.10532799284514527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292388009759794,0.1104184598849094,0.07637098701751859,0.0,0.1602525003140466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178998649703554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917460882827543,0.14404826990672034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638039847729052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891548192404043,0.0,0.11736594951478907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880255253332883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353376433598319,0.0,0.0,0.17371311828378566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817370056319665,0.0,0.09847542195947133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255384009303613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014609962170416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358723247726114,0.0,0.0 bpd,sup3rnintend0chamers,2020/01/02,"What are some techniques to handle or address extreme feelings of jealousy and insecurity? One of my main issues in romantic relationships is jealousy. I've brought this up with my psychologist several times, and the main ways she suggests for me to address it is things like doing a schema diary entry. But I honestly feel like this isn't helping and I have mentioned it to her but alternatives she gives tend to be very similar. Does anyone know of other things I could do? I feel like my jealousy is quite deeply-rooted, which might be why these methods are not as helpful right now. I think there's 2 causes of my jealousy: * Insecurity: Lack of confidence in myself, my looks, lack of self-worth. * Fear of abandonment/being replaced: Fearing my partner will like someone else more than me in any aspect (looks, personality etc.) but especially looks. I don't necessarily fear they will leave me, but I fear they will prefer something of another person, more than me, and in a way it is emotional abandonment. i.e. someone has taken my place and I'm no longer important to my partner. (sorry, I don't know how to explain it better). I do relate with the abandonment/instability schema and defectiveness/shame schema (among others). It can be pretty exhausting. I need help getting over it. Every at least decent-looking woman is a threat. I feel deeply disturbed and emotionally unstable when feeling jealousy. This will be the end of my relationship if I don't deal with it soon. It's a relatively new relationship and I've managed so far to keep myself composed. My partner is aware of my insecurities and is supportive of me. But I don't want to cause problems. I want to just deal with these things myself. But I've struggled for a decade with extreme insecurity and jealousy... it's so deeply-rooted and I've tried over and over to help myself but it feels futile.",4.786356589147289,7.189424767441863,5.65583720930233,74.93644961240312,71.67441860465115,8.075038759689923,30.36201550387597,8.841846274778883,2.784988294573644,1496,65,252,30,30,489,175,344,0.21100000000000002,0.672,0.11699999999999999,-0.9889,0,0,2,0,0,0,55.0,0,0,2,2,8,21,1,10,8,0,30,1,0,3,0,53,54,26,0,9,11,0,6,4,3,5,1,0,2,6,22,17,0,2,11,0,0,1,7,14,0,1,2,9,39,7,41,42,9,22,0,1,3,0,24,13,0,4,10,181,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061605152666888124,0.09499281850132116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334350440369503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012059381176788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18612432491669195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232973714006229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18679119016166013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927700841784796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567736024322605,0.2038059133003232,0.08023695359179563,0.0,0.1010331841687262,0.0,0.0,0.07632703053661424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4077613430536892,0.27483393064642875,0.12943680613503333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047330186159264986,0.086903376348029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428856060361674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945537227614342,0.0,0.08052166039812328,0.0,0.0,0.099573157462539,0.0,0.0,0.09592304742786112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703322420353598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042953170779594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610299424400652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717225981103557,0.0,0.08749358830691148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061386971694132826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15820156060553126,0.0946485689864902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216386364829772,0.0,0.08668358623203189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963549394672088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917832808284202,0.0,0.07736442769620523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450642507753253,0.10234232034755064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535153347229666,0.06974156579150255,0.0,0.10140948123993904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470563806676957,0.0,0.0,0.10280187053815554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18055439211018287,0.058047211467948515,0.0,0.0,0.052824483098332944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06150550835094045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747472640747037,0.10686612611644697,0.14381422618581113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174450746284187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CapelaBranca,2020/01/02,"I commited social suicide Hey Half a year ago, the gave me Sertraline 150 for depression, my mood swing worsened by a lot. Made a few public posts about how I was gonna kill myself. One with pics on it. Now I am more ""rational"" person, and got no friends because of it. I feel like dying :(",0.2229310344827553,2.623828448275866,2.2926724137931025,91.53831896551728,92.10344827586206,5.658620689655173,21.04310344827585,7.1686216300943375,0.8672,222,8,46,4,8,74,52,58,0.301,0.619,0.081,-0.946,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,4,0,2,0,0,2,1,7,7,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,4,1,7,2,6,2,3,5,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,1,4,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472958340070553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006148450826078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24028204991926894,0.0,0.2895335613962555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105890027006354,0.19930086672630934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155365512028719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231229913488412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086461624890845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629382583153882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23717584327308885,0.0,0.2639743088539064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890416957844375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24359151842207974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26718236994711314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28438140853220834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051550103388916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796517188410464 bpd,bloodbubblegum,2020/01/02,"Started 2020 with people fucking my life up hi. i'm very angry and stoned right now, i don't know how this is gonna come out. i'm trying to allow myself to feel angry, but i'm afraid it's gonna come back at me, like karma. what happened: my dear bpd friend i met at the psych ward, who was allegedly in love with me, got close to my ex bf who used me and was in general a dickhead to me. she knew about him, and was even angry bc he would be at the same NYE party we were. they like, watched the sunrise cuddling each other, if not kissed and hooked up when i was not around. i feel like puking when i remember this scene. i don't even know how to feel or how to get over with this. i'm gonna be seeing her everyday. i have no weed to cope. at least when i'm high i can distract myself. i just feel so angry. i trusted her. i trusted her with my struggles and she apparently did the same. was always showering me with affection. i know she did on purpose, and now she's begging for my forgiveness, but it's too soon. i want to break things apart and scream.",0.9778107880320306,2.7058570044247787,2.7044879898862213,94.8408702064897,80.72566371681415,5.720691108301729,20.053940160134854,6.655083550727371,0.05093914875684824,817,21,191,8,21,270,127,226,0.15,0.6729999999999999,0.177,0.8013,2,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,1,0,17,15,1,3,5,0,16,5,0,6,0,47,44,18,0,3,7,1,4,3,2,4,1,1,1,0,10,19,0,0,10,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,11,7,35,10,27,27,4,28,1,0,2,4,20,16,1,2,12,126,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867476539388427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906168259079415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739268166353955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250392246277465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30783128821695416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360308325472805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613807267231197,0.12764790437932153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804650993301984,0.165185327130691,0.09335210374104136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290546113699018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800474343241247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18878356888617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945909728937248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620585756300048,0.2618797629886003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126425698088012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387312398592445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20240782719339054,0.15259040088834924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238357322346545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646951070834112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18679348777376295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187060078068946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213109235806066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15432079263151266,0.0,0.1474284154890194,0.10538916599710972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692802843274872,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,okay-boomerang,2020/01/02,"Why do I manipulate other people? I don’t know if I have bpd. I just don’t know where to turn. I hate this, trying to make people feel certain things for power. I can’t stand it, but I can’t stop it. I can’t stop being angry and rude and manipulative, but god do I want to stop more than anything. I don’t know where to turn.",0.06702380952381047,1.7388041944444483,2.8436507936507947,92.99500000000002,83.44444444444444,5.2253968253968255,15.841269841269842,6.1826913282559595,-0.667589682539683,250,4,61,2,7,88,39,72,0.267,0.654,0.079,-0.9387,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,2,0,0,0,10,0,0,3,1,18,19,5,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,1,10,1,6,18,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,40,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678554731797305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270568969800526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862374225757997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21209866334012015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541923688203207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339968899438302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978700588600586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5388187251550756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272250668555056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585444681054996,0.4673434273498208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267114127287959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19384930285860116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Girlfriendproblemsss,2020/01/02,"A dream about my father... (trigger warning and is disturbing). What does this dream mean... I dreamed that my father had his privates out and was lying beside me and I was touching him. I had such a disgusted feeling but was aroused.... i stopped touching him and went to the washroom and masturbated in my dream. I woke up so digusted. See, my father took baths with me until age 9 and would lock the door. I told him I shower by myself at my moms place and he would make me feel guilty and say ""but you're my little girl. Common its just a bath with your daddy, silly"" and he would take off my clothes. I dont remember any baths with him. He has also masturbated beside me in the same bed when he thought I had fallen asleep. And he would take me to 18+ naked spas. (In germany this fucked up shit is legal, I moved to Canada with my mom in 2010). Does this dream mean he sexually made me touch him as a child? Because I have no recollection of me ever touching him or him touching me. But I do have questionable memories. And his dream fucking freaks me out",1.9203972015346409,4.132962781990525,3.1484766418415724,90.38548183254343,79.94786729857819,5.914782216204017,22.843827578424737,7.07126945348624,0.7315969758519523,821,27,171,10,21,265,119,211,0.159,0.775,0.066,-0.9768,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,1,0,0,7,7,4,1,7,0,17,5,3,3,1,40,33,20,0,4,5,5,7,0,0,4,0,1,6,2,6,17,0,1,8,10,0,4,2,6,0,0,12,9,40,1,22,17,1,22,0,0,1,3,26,12,3,2,6,115,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855518453109093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081483973370738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037160529082854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25946852015542066,0.0,0.17374747541669508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134100287945328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499189460191418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27410880890982514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485850870913677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027739505887762,0.09895778669883948,0.0,0.0,0.3229746403436611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34725637611667465,0.0,0.15756590702637369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488932175841247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607352670267794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16793794397401302,0.0,0.0,0.11789406501157194,0.0,0.0,0.11813577011513385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217612631875035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394333824839544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229305606200233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769365549157687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165888529476134,0.16471080621905332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742890267048155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212491665612217,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,NotSchofield,2020/01/02,DAE Have Other Personalities and Talk to Them? I don't know if I make them up or not. They seem real and then I realize they doesn't exist.,0.6829999999999998,2.6039266333333337,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,82.66666666666666,6.666666666666668,16.666666666666668,7.793537801064563,0.22666666666666704,109,2,25,2,3,39,24,30,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,10,6,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,3,1,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26563585371856663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226390698580273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4220415188387488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5501567402890187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4400225841069177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38849744759402094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,emack_beezy,2020/01/02,"Feeling gaslit, not sure what to do I was seeing someone for about two months. Things moved fairly quickly and then started to slow down after the first fight we had. He has pretty bad OCD as well as ADHD but that is all he knows for sure. But he would always get so mad at the littlest things, and when I would try to help or explain my perspective to him, it didn’t work and he would get more upset. This effectively silenced me a number of times, as I didn’t want to make anything worse. As things started to slow down, he told me he wanted to be exclusive for “a one month grace period” to see if we could work because he “wasn’t sure if he wanted commitment right now.” The weekend before Christmas, I went to his house to end things because I wasn’t willing to wait around. Things were cordial and I slept over. He said he didn’t care how, he just wanted me to stay in his life. And that I was perfect the way I was. Christmas Eve he basically ghosted me, and so yesterday I went to go pick up my things. He treated me like the plague, and said he never wanted to see me again, because all I ever did was make him feel bad. (Again, I only tried to help him and explain to him that I thought something might be going on. There were a few times that he admitted a lot goes on in his head). As someone with BPD, even if it is “functioning” and I consider myself to be fairly logical, it’s still easy for me to believe I am horrible when somebody says that. So I guess.... has anyone else ever been in a situation like this? Am I being gaslit? I don’t know how to feel and I feel like I deserve answers for his sudden and aggressive shift in behavior, but I also don’t want to make myself look “crazier” than I already have. But it’s just so easy for me to accept the blame even though I genuinely believe that he has created a false narrative.",5.141791443850269,5.019158633689841,5.8373262032085576,83.4906951871658,68.27807486631016,8.725133689839572,29.834224598930483,8.296473431620573,1.9402877005347587,1435,48,300,18,22,469,182,374,0.098,0.7440000000000001,0.158,0.9697,0,0,1,0,1,0,39.0,2,0,0,5,25,18,3,1,12,0,35,3,2,7,10,70,73,35,1,13,11,0,4,3,0,5,1,3,0,0,19,15,0,1,14,1,0,5,9,6,1,3,21,11,44,12,49,42,5,47,0,0,4,0,36,13,0,7,30,212,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404539404275867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553680964609752,0.06923337613097208,0.0720366901803603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06053471078847021,0.0887055239670788,0.07124321024046364,0.07706941469188412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457172265967522,0.15832453128236312,0.0,0.0736682886382107,0.1950790091068304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090372052041881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826819184517495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912247373109233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723216556880508,0.0,0.07667906640075191,0.0,0.0,0.11436291768932808,0.15662268522986073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509811688041635,0.06184864334969176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363999121484842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046291826406842,0.0,0.09840425388332956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537126885681878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888501310998411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605775568066005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989503150582678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951578594527206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061149935136111035,0.12688737931374594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270054438496452,0.0,0.0,0.07360230982790418,0.0,0.0,0.17336690153299572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918415710850313,0.0,0.0,0.13820544021240536,0.09201469973431556,0.0,0.0,0.06677137914004519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05866493514475603,0.06584359898918808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807711040963903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393391477141117,0.16470382577738596,0.06884729823363323,0.0,0.0,0.2069653446009744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973130557636607,0.0,0.0,0.14670811911233456,0.06664906772788849,0.0,0.0,0.12255536352819812,0.09227660435216152,0.06913828759480732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24478554635344776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34509640762282784,0.0,0.08505873610416971,0.06873026389445247,0.10096425314673572,0.0,0.0,0.08272538165831488,0.0,0.11755643123858588,0.0,0.08457043770339663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063823243650189,0.06871858978580507,0.0,0.0,0.07784062505815256,0.1605103471009654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260541331997742,0.0,0.08822653110619584,0.18449953565132712,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Soylent_green_day1,2020/01/02,"Feel hopeless about the future How do you start a future? I make it through the day. Every day. Day in, day out. I don't want to live like that anymore. Suicide attempts obviously failed, but I can't stop thinking about ending my life. I don't want to live like that either. It makes me stuck in limbo. And it has for more than a decade. I need something profound to change in my life, not just some distraction as work or hobbies. I'm in the dark and clueless.",0.9788856304985352,3.397114591397848,2.04490713587488,95.4600879765396,85.88172043010752,4.242033235581624,21.357771260997072,5.565023196281405,-0.04398064516129052,359,12,76,2,11,113,62,93,0.157,0.738,0.105,-0.4563,0,0,1,0,0,2,14.0,0,1,0,3,4,5,0,1,5,0,5,2,0,3,1,19,15,6,1,3,5,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,9,2,14,14,3,14,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,2,11,48,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014737886569352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149095784822712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5240690788855799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799337961841712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116567542916367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272056753511828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28698680049000697,0.1985011809129982,0.0,0.35877671299257435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27121321972010376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506358250782959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639757147978672,0.0,0.0,0.14379316831473296,0.0,0.0,0.16984551165997044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222170723590152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301726280694849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396505212978934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789824508816746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SadRadDad69,2020/01/02,Most hardhitting thing I’ve heard re. BPD: “We may not know who we are without someone else’s influence.” I’ve honestly never heard anything to describe myself better. And it’s ironic that the one thing that describes me the best comes from someone else LOL.,3.780000000000001,6.596542,3.8873333333333338,84.29100000000003,76.91666666666666,6.34,28.35,7.554174236665415,1.9869950000000005,208,9,35,3,5,64,38,48,0.027999999999999997,0.72,0.252,0.9206,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,1,11,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,2,4,3,3,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,23,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21534620575510335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746244916865834,0.23144099528240505,0.0,0.0,0.3295857717192857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22542028585050816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4372120260662576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381639956815218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20182924242621286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17732596764873426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4434533016925349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34770659431011103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25225704908164753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yaniyandere,2020/01/02,"Anger issues How do you guys deal with destructive anger? Sometimes I lose myself in it.",3.470625000000002,6.592624812500002,3.017500000000002,87.67750000000002,82.125,5.7,20.5,7.1686216300943375,0.8407249999999995,71,2,12,1,2,21,15,16,0.562,0.43799999999999994,0.0,-0.9337,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4452040696327264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4275856440767639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4507247064048678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4831141499510166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4270969568087203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lifealchemistt,2020/01/02,"Started dating some one new, can tell now they are pulling back I started dating someone and we saw each other once a week for a month. I just met his friends before I left to go home for break. Everything felt really good, and it was the best I have felt with someone in years. Now, he hasn’t been responding to my texts as much and is being inconsistent. I want to ask him if I did something wrong but ultimately I am not sure what to do here. Would it be best to let it fade out, or is it fair for me to ask what happened? I have diagnosed BPD so now I feel like I am in a low point and really down on myself since I feel like he is leaving.",1.918294625082947,3.197047956204379,3.5650829462508287,91.68560716655612,76.73722627737226,7.025613802256139,22.67352355673524,7.686295010490155,0.7288598540145981,498,14,117,7,11,166,94,137,0.05,0.7809999999999999,0.168,0.9501,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,1,2,7,9,0,0,4,0,18,1,0,0,1,21,31,9,0,3,5,0,4,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,7,8,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,7,5,18,7,16,20,5,24,0,1,1,0,12,8,0,3,15,84,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810570364507659,0.0,0.0,0.11558648046576715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791089336549502,0.0,0.3155022562436748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932225229554692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257121229564288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509754831902945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201219527972673,0.21477667991325025,0.28866074540970305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613653675394207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543008299674942,0.12608093415198168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329271105936618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078279781454199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916673370497444,0.16332266649426566,0.1537119578320012,0.0,0.14687711039898074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998365682388715,0.0,0.11050218931900806,0.0,0.0,0.14517958972698336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008544973537148,0.10186043957728656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210059328803262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19259714773362366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243459122160097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547305893284554,0.11572335875642603,0.0,0.0,0.2127939487316096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167442778895528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138594093312128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866238455596782,0.0,0.12057730214992965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678271871080007,0.16435086618096606,0.0,0.09680088287417143 bpd,ConstantSquash,2020/01/02,"DAE have intense psychosomatic reactions? Just today I was feeling so anxious that every muscle in my body ached. I couldn't do anything and I was just frozen and full of pain. I don't know why but I often show physical reactions before I can acknowledge it emotionally. I'm literally in physical pain and start throwing up and stuff when I'm feeling bad.",3.6016844349680177,6.382571044776121,5.402558635394456,73.37671641791046,77.35820895522387,8.604690831556503,30.466950959488273,9.23628265651192,3.403253304904052,288,14,48,8,7,98,47,67,0.22,0.7190000000000001,0.061,-0.9154,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,7,3,1,0,0,13,13,7,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,2,7,0,4,10,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,3,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28276895623181103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059764481126175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20899093282330256,0.0,0.0,0.21298776937504532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27802805505752737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815550066780492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21088944127724693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531194766806833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755891848440865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5326759579045875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17716438093879888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28653483354260084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372561411302523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258577778425804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,snarglefam,2020/01/02,"To Caffeinate or Nah? Let's chat about caffeine: Historically, I have been a bit of coffee fiend, drinking upwards of seven cups a day and supplementing with tea, pre-workout, and/or ephedrine pills. Now with my shiny new ADHD diagnosis and the benefit of hindsight, there is a non-zero chance that I've been self-medicating with coffee to get through the day so I'm trying to re-evaluate. Over the past five months, I've been working with different ADHD stimulants (which have been great in helping me focus, TERRIBLE for my mood and my mouth membranes) and I've begun to start wondering about caffeine and folks with BPD and/or BPD-traits. I love the taste of coffee, so I'll be sad to give it up, but this particular bout of depression has me *shook*. Do you drink coffee, tea, mate, or any other caffeinated beverage and/or take caffeine pills? If so, why? Do you find that the supplements help you focus? Do they negatively affect your mood? Positively? Have you quit caffeine or altered the way you consume a stimulant? What differences did you notice? Do you now take supplements with your daily dose of caffeine? Tell me your stories about caffeine!",4.870622009569376,7.476440751196173,5.0732057416267935,78.28244019138758,72.11004784688996,8.227751196172251,29.660287081339717,8.99025400887824,2.795348325358852,923,39,156,20,19,290,128,209,0.051,0.856,0.09300000000000001,0.8318,1,0,2,1,0,0,40.0,0,10,1,2,9,9,0,1,10,0,16,10,1,3,0,21,24,13,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,7,11,5,0,2,3,0,1,1,4,0,2,5,2,19,3,25,17,1,15,0,2,1,1,18,3,0,5,10,96,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557225909709165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064171189889803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615722689258234,0.0,0.3727891801872682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19088913341189745,0.0,0.12746792341975122,0.0,0.0,0.3092466652290659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28995762184051505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526479848480627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732130760747571,0.1419703415516532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316506984755047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19839593060711413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133497000584614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335713146293852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643891422439993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812824039675628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293454567020028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684933502389636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127802533036735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574109573322551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15439111816956833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475166116848243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225477252619062,0.0,0.1293542006148613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047892722742433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747158551020664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354251735852768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049432335514327,0.10774216215181293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,a-walking-paradox-,2020/01/02,"Struggling with my body dysmorphia I'm really struggling with my BDD right now. I went almost mute the past couple days with my partner because I've been dissociating and ruminating on how ugly I feel and how I can't get away from all of the images and media of the male gaze. Every time I watch TV I am reminded of how flat-chested I am, how unsexy I am compared to these women and/or how my partner probably wishes he could be with someone like that. I would love to get a boob job and a nose job. I feel like those things would help my confidence but my partner doesn't agree, he thinks I'm perfect without. I don't even use social media anymore (besides reddit) because I can't stand to see pictures of perfectly photo-shopped women. How the fuck do I ever get over this? Am I destined to forever hate myself and feel like a sack of shit? I get insecure and jealous over the most petty things and I know it's exhausting for my partner. I literally cringe at my own thoughts and I don't have the self control to keep them to myself. How do you build up your self esteem? LOGICALLY, I KNOW I'M MORE THAN MY BODY but my BPD brain loves to focus on this and I'm so sick of it.",3.4879166666666706,4.764572625000003,4.851666666666667,84.02666666666667,72.75,7.5,27.083333333333336,7.984000788550335,1.6243333333333343,930,33,188,13,18,310,135,240,0.168,0.7140000000000001,0.11800000000000001,-0.9423,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,1,3,11,15,4,3,9,0,17,11,6,9,4,44,41,19,0,4,3,0,3,3,4,2,2,0,0,9,9,13,0,2,8,1,0,1,6,8,0,0,3,6,33,7,28,34,4,15,0,0,2,4,18,8,3,2,8,122,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481799798660828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361834352358606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711186683951527,0.0,0.0,0.15196978342232928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27691394433925937,0.15699108968436684,0.13914954134099286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980448621864136,0.09952210763658127,0.13792178078469794,0.0,0.08038831236513913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232950869343063,0.11275218388751855,0.10502218380713732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18907888449126364,0.1780985838143058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523601962730184,0.2604958938136544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306511091390647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354961729122258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473898571424452,0.1107937851025262,0.0,0.0,0.13700769402094534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826916593134894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22500123231802704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899160342544425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439273672931554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985336041111989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644959051233206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993291385112142,0.0,0.26007224637638426,0.0,0.12795043799590722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270639886184145,0.10561471858095936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260620460633518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656225535660472,0.07987006528904954,0.0,0.0989574063538979,0.07268385176872402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076567404471464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555089957509584,0.0,0.0,0.14334023283304764,0.12015721676729575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17709418905177518,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ProtoSheep0,2020/01/02,"Reaching out to someone I treated poorly and ignored to go and get far too involved in an unhealthy relationship with someone less mentally stable than me went about as well as it sounds like it would I fucked up, I lost a friend, I’m struggling to stay friends with the few who remain, but at least I can still tell the future with perfect accuracy. I think Crywank put it best “You’ll be left feeling used once you find out I’m a leech. I’ve taken all you can give and now I will up and leave. No shame or dignity left in me as I scout out brand new friends. To invade with my dependence and let it start again” I’m trying to break the cycle, by trying to save friendships instead of running away and finding new ones. But sadly I think trying (and failing) to break the cycle is part of the cycle. I mean, who the hell is going to forgive me after all I’ve done. I become close, I leech off them, I take what care and reassurance they can give, i feel abandoned or ignored when it’s not enough, I start causing issues to test if they hate me, it’s too late, either they leave or I run away. I fucking hate it, and I’m embarrassed by myself for still being stuck in the loop. Sorry, bit of a rant, and I went off topic. Again, sorry",3.980693277310927,4.6726593055555545,4.84752567693744,86.71054621848741,71.02380952380952,7.040522875816992,26.728291316526608,6.794906146795322,1.0768274509803921,963,30,201,7,17,313,143,252,0.19899999999999998,0.636,0.165,-0.8418,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,3,4,4,11,26,5,3,11,0,12,2,0,3,3,45,40,20,0,2,8,0,2,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,10,18,0,3,8,0,1,7,2,14,1,1,6,3,30,12,38,28,10,40,1,4,0,2,19,17,3,5,14,138,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029260638238956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192698468099093,0.0,0.0,0.11333205061947815,0.0,0.11790044822517225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010611891328846,0.11093861753703957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051439164115756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158569618584682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920906883730326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19740739517333591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503055037172817,0.19967568193363736,0.056421915003638363,0.20719356130729547,0.12274988592330145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21324157171904867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127166939713992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182087207810995,0.2286981086722521,0.23466954470386425,0.11043021747762667,0.0,0.0527599526823152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117887178710905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763609826035802,0.0,0.0,0.1088316011604202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20860073468566087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500908113214026,0.07317889026682213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694595682263792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856285011013612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594412788339313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18300433339408664,0.0,0.0,0.2417787714516673,0.15287608308286324,0.11510622976773892,0.17248678954991234,0.0,0.0,0.11289779092327985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119733891933248,0.0,0.0943906917547997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839518064104206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219960590441478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327132754611213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709872763646232,0.2002212914445033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671516918009688,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Neemamemer,2020/01/02,"Problems with my FP so my current FP i havent had for a while (first one in a while too after a very messy end to my last one but i wont get into that) and he's pretty cool but hes also really dismissive to me and cold and i'm not sure if it's because he doesn't know me too well/isnt my friend but it's kind of extremely off putting and im considering just moving on but i kind of really wanted something with him. What should i do?",-1.4465501165501171,0.5074252929292982,1.8022222222222235,95.70538461538463,94.05050505050505,5.066355866355868,15.696192696192696,6.67199483983844,-0.3178693084693083,340,8,83,5,13,121,67,99,0.066,0.8109999999999999,0.12300000000000001,0.8106,1,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,3,1,7,0,0,0,1,19,11,13,0,4,7,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,3,1,2,12,5,12,8,0,13,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,7,57,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556945228619525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383213316136358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944510356439812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18674422145025674,0.0,0.0,0.16961933800079596,0.0,0.1147028059254803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371454570672248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45724309065783597,0.12065577470348855,0.17895786071225192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333407864448409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975377226234183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233554233194947,0.0,0.21007419102557354,0.0,0.22070260334299094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28129132840109305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901588468305448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20691785139174534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811469935015888,0.12949288306933074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19739664119833591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Nuttygurl805,2020/01/02,"Dating I have recently decided to tip my toes in the dating pool. Super anxious about it. Not only do I have BPD I also have epilepsy. Not controlled epilepsy either, at least two seizures a week. I always feel like I don’t bring anything to a relationship. I am also still trying to get my disability. It just makes me feel like what nice guy is going to want someone like me. It’s just so soul crushing to think this way about dating and putting myself out there. Any suggestions or positivity would be appreciated",3.815668934240364,6.201370408163271,5.152585034013609,77.51543083900229,74.51020408163265,7.212698412698412,27.21541950113379,8.167268648758528,2.042867120181405,412,16,72,7,9,137,71,98,0.046,0.7440000000000001,0.21100000000000002,0.9462,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,9,5,0,0,3,0,9,1,1,2,0,16,17,5,0,2,6,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,4,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,2,11,5,10,15,2,13,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,9,52,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213696607198053,0.16719108597885932,0.0,0.0,0.13664029527214194,0.0,0.0,0.22699537726560504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653494859203112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530661625977658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22536173812434476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20319398518167472,0.28709097605856715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049784041126717,0.0,0.11419398941359694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198953753619303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944949121254939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412332182169928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281744333612046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019916330339081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19839559396821727,0.2157252108626452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702485892598264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604641378824204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874877784318947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641928407155454,0.0,0.1962808575177049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851459167789515,0.1594900546438048,0.1611751116495235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273595696354618,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bityami,2020/01/02,"Eye contact. I notice that I don’t like making eye contact with people, especially at work. I feel like every time I look someone in the eyes they are going to get mad at me or ask me if something is wrong. Looking people in the eyes is very hard for me, it feels too intimate for me and then I get uncomfortable. I also don’t know how to handle the feeling of someone being mad at me while I look them in the eye, I feel like they will be able to see right through me, and attack me. Anyone else have this? How do you cope? I’m gonna have to start looking people in the eyes at some point.",2.7718844444444457,3.612685904000003,4.269866666666669,89.18737777777778,73.96000000000002,6.5155555555555535,23.488888888888887,6.42735559955562,0.4884222222222223,458,12,102,3,9,153,74,125,0.133,0.797,0.07,-0.8501,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,3,1,4,7,3,0,5,0,11,6,6,3,0,14,29,9,0,1,2,0,5,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,16,19,3,17,25,1,15,0,0,11,0,7,10,0,3,7,66,22,1,0.15097294357493776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073300843185555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556379244337877,0.15468962184957538,0.0,0.0,0.1411393223932527,0.17175351847828016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611852193186687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720121637154894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053458260035385,0.21571020211151207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577542636789029,0.0,0.08580140300648711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524210333492914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297078150521599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212732628783251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5071169963819686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077561216039052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718836969019992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31399688942543424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271823044619214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289300689108478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030588949632805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25583777033065025,0.11622634783466383,0.0,0.0,0.10685942651581704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803353749079758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456848961504816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991010100163448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506521366946186,0.0,0.0 bpd,instarookie,2020/01/02,"Fucking things up in relationships I can’t stop fucking things up between my Bf and I. Things I do that drains energy in the relationship: 1) Spy on my partner’s phone in search of evidence he is cheating when he is not. 2) Demand too much attention. 3) A slight change in my partner’s mood makes me think he is seeing someone else or texting someone else. 4) can’t stand looking at him on his phone, browsing social media, it gives me anxiety. 5) I can get very paranoid. I can go from happy and lovely to serial killer in seconds. I’m in love with him but we fight a lot thanks to my mood swings and my mental shit that doesn’t let me act like a normal partner. Help! Advice me.",1.3273913043478274,3.6504389855072494,3.1327826086956527,88.98830434782612,83.05797101449275,5.7089855072463775,22.96811594202899,7.0316486544052195,0.8713559420289858,532,19,108,7,15,177,95,138,0.12,0.7390000000000001,0.141,0.4906,0,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,1,0,0,0,2,12,5,0,4,0,10,5,1,1,0,14,23,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,6,5,0,1,2,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,0,2,18,5,17,22,2,16,0,0,2,4,21,11,3,2,3,66,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910716765357402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455790967927567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722434301990121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27203273962963154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30105148341476223,0.08506745060018005,0.1561931036907127,0.09253514220746344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733263861616855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091357385720524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664958920561164,0.0,0.07954630161314565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672895119348832,0.0,0.0,0.1384249143293733,0.2939053039950855,0.0,0.10868453516547824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408565456978091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969244842311025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953038168788847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496184548314421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974755893090012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671338062821735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597589185173164,0.27591605300203764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612596394642767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990405052963338,0.0,0.0,0.32451386900940604,0.1043293655641222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434469014715186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sentientdumpsterbaby,2020/01/02,"Spending money to feel worth. Who else struggles with this? What makes it worse for me is: I’m a college student with little income I’m in credit card debt bc of it My parent can see my bank account and reads my transactions out loud in front of the family and this only makes me feel shamed and humiliated. I don’t know what my their goal is with doing this, but I cried for a long time last night because I know I only spend to feel worthy to myself.",3.293179723502305,4.543237365591399,4.436589861751155,86.91774193548392,73.19354838709677,6.604608294930878,21.88786482334869,6.868970318607317,0.4843284178187406,357,8,74,3,7,117,63,93,0.136,0.789,0.075,-0.5927,3,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,2,3,0,5,0,0,2,0,15,15,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,0,5,1,8,2,1,2,0,0,0,5,12,1,13,15,0,10,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,4,45,20,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13824892006772024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491178793533143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18945372612948286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21379718240608547,0.0,0.3440151193199057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492754192683975,0.1848639067216244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273028985425629,0.0,0.2007017825897696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30276782401683816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128268071389049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449676324912504,0.0,0.0,0.2518231666940424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268511117860664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18072205962510654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370898768079813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224292075831054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311181194972172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kk8895,2020/01/02,"My FP. I hate the way I am, and I hate the way I cling to the most toxic person I’ve ever met in my life. My FP has been physical, mentally abusive, and manipulative. But yet, I can’t stand when they leave. I lose my mind and go into full abandonment mode. Why do I want to be around someone like this. He had a child behind my back, and yet made me lose mine. I’m stuck. 🥺 someone help with how to detach from an FP after 3 years.",-0.3452127659574451,1.5059883085106414,2.3866382978723406,94.69400000000002,86.12765957446808,5.4621276595744686,16.846808510638294,6.742157984588678,-0.2970434042553189,327,7,80,4,10,114,68,94,0.23600000000000002,0.6990000000000001,0.065,-0.9524,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,2,7,6,2,0,5,0,7,1,0,3,1,16,15,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,5,0,15,1,10,9,2,15,0,3,0,0,6,4,0,1,8,51,16,0,0.0,0.2332478401762897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17524783621007842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137379273535326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780718511855762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118805211890154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3887185393882817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319516350276332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20844714763467265,0.0,0.0,0.13904859482627688,0.09617623608535984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44047372838638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18627443535250826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983893698650108,0.0,0.1987732748856711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189124482506074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335990098234719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161135919107093,0.31251785719448355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17763623938496198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677189167580716 bpd,manicdreams,2020/01/02,Do you have a problem with spending? I buy anything I lay my eyes on and it's ruining my life.,-1.557142857142857,0.4119237619047631,1.7495238095238117,94.98714285714287,97.09523809523807,4.704761904761905,26.04761904761905,6.42735559955562,1.0401619047619053,73,4,17,1,3,26,19,21,0.239,0.7609999999999999,0.0,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5689933231339495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4883820463042465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6616113474515547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,elle987,2020/01/02,"Body Dysmorphia or Dissociation? so I looked in the mirror and felt like I didn’t recognise my legs, my body looked very alien to me. I have just been thinking about how I’m always so self conscious of what I look like and what other people see when they look at me. I’m never not aware of what I look like.. and whilst I don’t think I have a specific flaw every time I look in the mirror I just don't really think it is me. In public I’m so paranoid people are looking at me I always catch people’s eyes, I’m flustered anxious and sometimes just want to claw my skin off... some days I can’t look in mirrors and avoid them. is this body dysmorphia or anxiety or what? My DBT therapist is not sure... just wanted to hear what other people think &#x200B; Many thanks!",2.297142857142859,4.1814130955414015,3.589940855323025,89.2983598726115,77.28025477707007,6.269153776160145,21.405368516833484,7.1686216300943375,0.5602196542311191,604,16,126,7,14,197,86,157,0.076,0.862,0.062,-0.2425,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,0,10,6,0,1,3,0,11,6,6,1,2,27,33,13,0,2,9,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,9,5,0,1,6,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,3,13,21,5,13,30,1,13,0,0,10,0,5,7,0,4,8,78,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17078426206930286,0.11119402732185146,0.12470047631578092,0.0,0.0,0.07850776128285737,0.11593691664982468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419793587853317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618456522551673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646589746451704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985359898005648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156657115386257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041201495896828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6894324985635073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404553260860552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915064313220799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284588713008665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574413350787492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177875182562881,0.0,0.10706014373993053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149864204052823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672274594731993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448321222326957,0.0,0.11915540912060985,0.0,0.26303154725670075,0.0,0.0,0.059841399659921565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467628343193764,0.12106164013261685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470047631578092,0.0 bpd,nekogiru,2020/01/02,anyone else change the tone of their voice to match the person theyre talking to? or imitate others in general? i dont know if its a bpd thing or just a people pleaser thing but i always subconsciously imitate the people around me. my girlfriend has a really soft and high voice so whenever im talking to her i feel like my voice gets more like hers but if im talking to people with deeper voices i lower mine to match... i feel like im disingenuous or like i have no personality. i used to identify as transmasc too but i know my girlfriend prefers feminine people so i stopped showing interest in surgery and hormone replacement. i dont know how much is me just figuring my identity out and how much is me changing to try to make the one person i love happier,2.9588174077578024,5.170105529801327,4.792587511825925,79.91266556291393,76.48344370860927,8.28779564806055,28.66650898770105,9.04235418022936,2.7009542100283825,609,27,114,15,14,207,86,151,0.055999999999999994,0.755,0.18899999999999997,0.9725,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,8,6,0,0,7,0,6,1,0,4,0,29,15,16,0,3,10,0,3,4,2,0,0,4,0,3,4,6,0,1,7,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,22,6,15,15,3,6,0,0,0,1,12,5,0,5,5,77,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312873770725826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866623424182654,0.12699207433713922,0.0,0.11033365682281382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560991948364245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622260261229935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905155677204216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035366983315547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533646204166146,0.1770867734647556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475399235119046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095034054718474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016322440192217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20434399270108206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422050064922115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186147975869744,0.0,0.08273149729002427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18222160967567388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398554533820478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436999918225148,0.3246611774648062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939969899068673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362012222059876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988569445134088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646816218066359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414771925703173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704512298309718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hibaaamir,2020/01/02,Unhealthy eating & routine. DAE hates their body weight and want to lose some and wants to resolve hair & skin issues but can’t because they eat loads of junk & sugar in destructive mode but also wants to and tries to eat clean? :( I want to stick to walking for 1 hr daily and cutting off sugar + junk food & I also want to sleep early wakeup early but I cant & I just do not trust my self 🥺🥺🥺 suffering a lot due to these bad habits.,1.9822340425531912,3.5741918510638304,3.3031382978723407,92.30875,77.29787234042553,5.5510638297872354,20.26063829787234,5.985473137389443,-0.03869787234042565,350,8,76,2,8,114,64,94,0.271,0.642,0.086,-0.9724,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,2,3,8,3,0,1,0,3,11,4,0,0,17,9,9,0,5,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,4,7,0,1,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,0,5,7,2,12,9,2,6,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,2,3,37,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20334555873621887,0.0,0.6887736884852067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615551112976092,0.07750257673013579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412224439325259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3902839174665624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537366311544729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255231531771241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269978015011116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223569414968146,0.0,0.10808878356530124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326334010370307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723052669819268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631883756479211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749485220409175,0.0,0.0,0.1548206957600312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WalkingOnATightrope,2020/01/02,"After six months of continuous texting & some meet-ups, I was ghosted It's been a month of no communication and I have not asked for an explanation nor have I sent angry texts. Sometimes the garbage throws itself out :) their loss. Sure I still think about them sometimes & get sad, but I know it'll get better with time. Just wanted to share this small victory!",4.18391304347826,6.424021521739135,4.286304347826088,84.81467391304352,72.91304347826087,6.918840579710146,24.54347826086957,7.793537801064563,1.2073652173913034,291,9,56,4,6,90,59,69,0.075,0.7490000000000001,0.17600000000000002,0.7988,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,2,3,5,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,1,11,12,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,3,0,7,3,8,8,1,10,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,1,6,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5281973386174192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278695895770963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155735129843101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546944303614365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395641702038058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3891114342011177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4821420168900889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946558558250593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229727703113346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618258302587434,0.0,0.0,0.14213024206786865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376769523245295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yves_san_lorenzo,2020/01/02,"What is it like to be friends with people like us? Is there anyone here who joined to be able to have a better understanding? What is it like for you? And those who do have bpd, what hace your friends said about you, as a friend? My squad us notorious for keeping it to themselves, so i feel like I'm walking in the dark",1.8395454545454548,3.692517500000001,2.645454545454548,95.68818181818185,78.54545454545455,5.612121212121212,21.60606060606061,6.42735559955562,0.05253333333333332,249,7,58,2,6,78,45,66,0.037000000000000005,0.67,0.294,0.9605,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,2,3,0,1,4,8,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,5,13,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,7,8,10,10,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,1,0,0,4,41,16,0,0.20914570790986808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623954185050364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849723826006025,0.0,0.0,0.2634116976198869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575035404462173,0.14941373552009818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4847563653684119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18589831485509806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.408712114107984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499529996419994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19894546210748307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21772805785371666,0.5031530703675294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,UDontGotaLieToKickit,2020/01/02,"Bleeding You said you loved me- you’d never leave. Why am I sitting here, bleeding? You’re breathing. I knew you needed space. I could see it. You’re the reason. I can’t even get a break when I’m sleeping. Watch you leave me while I’m dreaming. I wake up screaming. 🖤",-1.6023809523809551,-0.3014888571428571,0.1371428571428588,102.39119047619049,116.14285714285714,1.866666666666667,17.166666666666668,3.1291,-1.1595547619047617,208,7,46,0,12,66,40,56,0.054000000000000006,0.816,0.13,0.381,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,5,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,4,6,3,1,1,5,12,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,4,12,1,1,8,0,7,0,0,2,1,7,2,0,0,3,24,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22855619565860424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189072757242291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955961014247113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6062183456753794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583618197923073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21225897899327587,0.22078220832340348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29432408827390283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722998599308231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281130349356167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864678350777726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583061183467953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Conatus80,2020/01/02,"Broke up with my partner a while back, she was diagnosed with BPD. I love her and didn't realise she had BPD and considering getting back together. Any tips for dating a person learning to live with BPD? I've basically written the question above. I broke up with her because I couldn't deal with the fluctuations, inconsistencies & what felt like gaslighting. In retrospect a LOT of what was going on was undiagnosed BPD. She's in therapy now, using medication and I think getting better. I miss and love her and I know she feels the same, but I'm hesitant to go back because I'm terrified that things will blow up again and leaving her was horrible. There are certain things like excessive alcohol use that she doesn't think is a problem but definitely is. But she's not taking any communication about it very well. She has suggested couples counseling which could assist with that. Anyway, any tips for dating and learning to live with it? And approaching issues? I'm in my late 30s, she's in her early 30s. Thank you.",3.8419178837145225,6.530082654450265,4.825814273904658,78.36875172223756,75.8586387434555,8.209534306971618,28.377238908790297,8.99025400887824,2.72621884816754,821,35,145,20,19,267,108,191,0.08900000000000001,0.7709999999999999,0.14,0.8506,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,1,9,12,0,0,7,0,14,5,0,2,1,35,34,12,0,3,4,0,2,2,1,1,3,0,0,2,10,15,1,0,8,0,0,3,4,4,1,0,8,2,22,8,22,23,2,21,0,3,0,2,21,8,0,2,12,98,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477976574903485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650822980924045,0.0,0.2382001871582686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693411832381033,0.0,0.14235029519416512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326376726088636,0.0,0.0,0.5882150373885355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322248858539353,0.12919151272227136,0.0,0.0,0.12037330896819046,0.0,0.11850783552479248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05903681292465863,0.0,0.11210686349266824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200342247705373,0.0,0.13271355811252575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186596674291013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416764322665931,0.0,0.13170913572953305,0.12363082664885025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140850110556294,0.0,0.20620051266193745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926424963439984,0.21075894903733847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762231779796975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194937629305947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172250788646526,0.0,0.0,0.13079670032408655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877881692206745,0.0,0.0,0.10749591693858616,0.1335239888086314,0.0,0.15513886287130224,0.1496287895532118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016844195889164,0.0,0.09633832843191582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498028194409717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,-zai,2020/01/02,"Can someone explain this post? &#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/rvrmu7b41e841.jpg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4213d446856fc66bbb2c0efa993fdd19c54e0615 A friend of mine recently sent me this post from someone. As I read through it, the person makes BPD out to be more of a physical disease that shortens one's life rather than a mental disorder that affects one's outlook on life. I've never heard of anyone having seizures directly due to BPD or having to result to a sober lifestyle to prevent them. &#x200B; I'm not saying the person is lying, but it just seems a little too stretched out from what I've learned and experienced about having BPD. I'd love your input.",11.622341269841266,13.912922583333335,7.4715873015873076,68.97500000000002,54.648148148148145,8.393650793650794,34.87301587301587,8.418075326091056,2.93993492063492,581,21,78,6,7,156,76,108,0.039,0.872,0.08900000000000001,0.7399,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,7,0,6,3,0,3,1,16,13,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,7,3,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,3,5,2,17,10,1,11,0,0,0,1,10,5,0,2,3,53,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6111775054054488,0.2741662582899286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788831909828427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4262613583343797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292962881823001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716094262338396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936978798118054,0.0,0.1130707261117228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182035501464744,0.0,0.0753051939160375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369144669390024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701023568605525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289334739503818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970122120098855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160920464484984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284598697758827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139165413547727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971537989491507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270295546719857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911763421008389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741662582899286,0.0 bpd,smileateverydog,2020/01/02,"New year new realisations... I’ve always wondered how I could ‘find my true self’ with BPD - And I think I’ve realised that the reason I have such an ever-changing image of myself, even down to what I want to wear, is because I am a people pleaser. I want to be liked and approved by everyone, so I subconsciously want to dress like the individuals I’ve spent time with so they approve of me and enjoy my company. It’s only something small I’ve discovered about myself, and it may have been extremely self explanatory to most, but for me it’s huge. I’ve always wondered why I never feel in place with people until I almost mirror them. This is a negative aspect of who I am and now I’ve understood it, I can learn how to move on from it and be my own **Bad Ass Self™️** !!! Hope everyone has a pleasant day today :)",1.7955227272727257,3.8873729878787913,4.165208333333332,83.56781250000002,79.72727272727272,6.791666666666668,23.03977272727273,7.865858978985527,1.2730681818181813,633,21,127,11,16,220,103,165,0.057999999999999996,0.757,0.185,0.9346,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,2,2,8,7,0,0,6,0,13,2,2,3,2,30,23,12,0,5,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,9,9,0,0,8,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,3,1,20,6,20,16,2,16,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,6,11,86,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449194678884424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24084273863298186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083790054438458,0.08822197320873823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18227391519872116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309804928374654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155497693800301,0.0,0.0,0.09333454822481424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558836693285973,0.1309104997341178,0.0,0.2765786076950981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317644295804752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227446352389455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374288001492067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140897670974262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538179518174611,0.0,0.0,0.1116195217612454,0.2795493071271022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100685821510114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20066581134164796,0.0,0.15120503337874286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487996438908034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4529338576812601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141505779020416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273283940306483,0.0,0.0,0.08438931317850512,0.0,0.13718075515592526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560846350799145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059025732562474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313892465123757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319705265614503 bpd,kikibirb,2020/01/02,"fp and last person i have is leaving (again.) i need to get this all out of my system somehow. sorry for formatting. around a year ago i latched onto someone from my friend group because my oldest brother became schizophrenic and lost all of his defining features as the human he used to be. that person ended up leaving near the end of may, and since they were my fp at the time i practically died. having people to be there for me (not even to console me, just in general) physically is super important to me, so naturally i cried about it for weeks, stopped taking care of myself entirely, and went into a massive depressive episode. i still wasn't entirely over it; i cry over it every now and then, but i was getting better about it because i got back in touch with an old friend that i had cut off because i'm a petty bastard. this friend was part of our original friend group but fell out of it because he has a tendency to isolate himself, and we got really close again. you guessed it! he became my new fp. (NFP from this point) which was actually preferable at the time, since my old fp (OFP from this point) had left and this one was supposed to stay in my area for the rest of his life. only problem is, NFP does drugs. not anything bad, mainly just weed, but i still have weird feelings about it, simply because weed is what tipped my oldest brother ofer the edge. NFP got in a ton of trouble with his mom over it. he smoked before work, his brake shoes in his car went out, he had a panic attack and lost feeling on the left side of his body, called an ambulance because he thought he was stroking out, and that brings us to where we are now. NPF is moving to live with his dad. that's really cool! for him. he gets to opt out of being on house arrest and being tracked by his parents, and he gets to leave the rest of us! i'm mad. how could i not be? he's an idiot for continuing to do drugs after he had so many close calls. i'm fucking pissed. he's the last person i had left, and although i'm not entitled to his presence, i feel absolutely betrayed. i relapsed again. now i feel 10x worse than when OFP left. NPF was the very last person that i genuinely liked, and now he's leaving. i'm fucked. i feel like i'm going to die, or that it'd be easier to just not deal with it all. i have too much shit to deal with at home, and now i have no one to spend time with to avoid all of that mess. fuck my life.",4.482667669960087,4.760888089249495,5.212663744029314,86.01574101943335,69.73022312373226,8.065144277955898,27.87077144539685,7.831003766801068,1.4874067787738,1880,59,403,21,31,610,235,493,0.191,0.725,0.084,-0.996,1,1,3,0,0,0,62.0,5,1,1,5,27,30,10,2,19,1,35,13,4,3,4,67,68,25,2,4,12,5,7,2,4,1,6,0,1,5,24,31,0,3,7,0,1,7,7,20,0,2,21,8,51,10,76,38,10,77,0,3,0,3,51,35,6,4,35,265,75,1,0.0,0.0,0.0682556333340266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06200147998193783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05755827188275915,0.06226533461515885,0.0,0.07957183913566364,0.0,0.053782917155872,0.05840064261083953,0.25582469926614465,0.0,0.059517522754293485,0.0,0.0,0.061860127437909834,0.0,0.07769244751364178,0.0,0.0,0.14284208131212794,0.0,0.07131296537137995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05584490259204241,0.0,0.15366125231734998,0.0,0.1442191860787481,0.06024299911038334,0.0,0.14518246442030192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061208805505682966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622265689959702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389993479277273,0.0,0.0,0.04619760877878932,0.0,0.058931163778502826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17682992146804608,0.04996828494232372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21615544343378654,0.19398737960858636,0.14617222405269265,0.0,0.039751007712309695,0.0,0.167822750478246,0.0,0.07705162925893404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015992433294899,0.0,0.0,0.08070643312874598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17104203533401258,0.0,0.29624403194318905,0.30397912995849785,0.0,0.09880757984648786,0.06834259014419777,0.0,0.06176217626655034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270512440386888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091263148104694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819180221693255,0.0,0.07433981549458762,0.05141717326921162,0.05186287762626061,0.0,0.06755272602423736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678973911454693,0.0,0.09479225530823933,0.053195859080007526,0.0,0.08206466925264147,0.07766496579285473,0.07574295644534944,0.0,0.04849063199369827,0.24429096776107484,0.0,0.0,0.13224010984353826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692733336058908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961633228448844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179690941215737,0.11571744149378528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059263653187261366,0.0,0.0,0.07829701621599272,0.0,0.0745514114789691,0.11171535761677706,0.058476640480524374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525894752785054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055528031407599536,0.12235540580172173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826897408202385,0.060409494196019486,0.0,0.05771144547629563,0.0,0.0,0.05610516927478256,0.0,0.0,0.1296782973037079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05092034768063622,0.0,0.0712793071444008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04504189281703013 bpd,aquametalmermaid,2020/01/02,"is there a DBT skill most effective with combatting unwanted mental images? I've done a lot of different DBT groups, outpatient and inpatient, and legitimate classes for DBT some of which I did not complete, but I have an overall good understanding of most skills. my two current therapists/psychiatrists haven't been able to really help me. Ive been getting constant unwanted disturbing mental images and its getting in the way of me being fully connected to my boyfriend and I'm visibly shaken by it and he's concerned about me. my mind has been trying to cut me off from enjoying intimate moments lately, mostly since the holidays, maybe because my fear of abandonment has worsened. I know I come on this sub a lot for advice and I really appreciate it. I'm gonna make an effort to come on this sub more and add comment and conversation to more of your guys posts and give back. thank you. <3",5.9759381237524964,7.599463155688626,6.795583832335327,71.12874500998005,67.1437125748503,10.836127744510977,33.677145708582835,10.864195022040775,4.1946211576846295,725,33,121,22,12,240,111,167,0.135,0.73,0.136,0.2904,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,4,3,7,1,2,7,0,12,0,0,2,0,29,24,10,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,13,0,1,3,1,0,2,2,4,0,1,5,0,16,3,21,17,8,13,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,6,5,83,22,1,0.17168691258968002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677704639529805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201663818080767,0.0,0.1046587483743594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957861459956789,0.1800104613700743,0.1855325596163333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937628195959496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569532000210908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931955084663293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17939865142422293,0.16469773083700695,0.0,0.14400283664982802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16999703604172892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507811850406685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435463715862924,0.0,0.19367031555669825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919241470033028,0.0,0.0,0.11460234732433645,0.0,0.17248257998582697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460400533951969,0.0,0.1733548392783793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16442860361483916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199740649991994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202118825778431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806624224840635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165641438234663,0.0,0.1677131665160067,0.1787321308700311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362770798457036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,iwishiwasaperson,2020/01/02,Done I posted but it needed a flair. Was removed. I got no help so i did my thing. Mods are not helping by imsisting on this.,-2.1577777777777776,-0.5915652962962934,0.938222222222226,97.95400000000002,109.37037037037035,3.641481481481482,16.511111111111113,5.6839178017228535,-0.4787866666666663,95,3,22,1,5,33,25,27,0.179,0.6970000000000001,0.124,-0.1486,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,0,4,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4406884429042545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444176209208837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5772902414850861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31930990658736164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4124286594262984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28609432048698524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tarotharo,2020/01/02,"Link between Gender/Body Dysmorphia and BPD? I'll try to not let this turn into a rant because I'm really not doing well tonight but I'm just wondering because it seems like my jumbled sense of self translates in so many ways and it's really crippling and confusing I'm a boy and I'm comfortable with that but when I hang out with certain people where it feels safe to do so I love doing full glam hair and makeup and being effiminate and every time I do I'm like ""damn this is who I am maybe I was meant to be a girl and thats why I'm confused"" and other people tell me the same but the truth is I don't think I am, but what if I am? Who am I? Then I go through another identity crisis but I still end up going to my usual boy style and I look back and think of how silly those thoughts were and I cringe that I told people about that because I feel a completely different way sometimes. Body dysmorphia, damn. I can't have one second without thinking how much I hate myself and my body and I take dozens of selfies everyday and study them like I'm studying for a final. I KNOW by body isn't normal, I use my fitness tracker religiously and count my calories burnt and my weight at the end of each day. **Honestly If i put the energy and meltdowns I have about my appearance into something good I would've solved world hunger by now**. I know everyone kinda feels this way and stuff but its past the point of delusion for me, I mirror check every five minutes and put hundreds of dollars into skincare, different outfits, different hairstyles and I still feel so fucking ugly. I don't know how I even tricked someone into actually liking me or being intimate with me. Sorry this definitely turned into a rant but I raised the question if you guys think this might be BPD related? Identity crisis/splitting? Anyone relate?",3.105283149171272,5.151877881215473,4.4356871546961365,83.40971857734809,75.43646408839778,7.287430939226519,26.782113259668503,8.17850203761792,1.884101933701657,1451,56,274,25,32,479,196,362,0.109,0.7509999999999999,0.14,0.9307,3,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,1,0,17,20,5,2,12,0,24,8,4,4,2,77,58,40,0,4,15,0,6,4,0,1,0,0,0,5,19,31,2,1,17,0,2,6,7,7,1,4,5,7,43,13,31,47,4,38,0,0,1,2,13,14,3,12,19,187,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.08684689257569334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331967285893426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06222781050137038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843214252785956,0.0,0.16275272157133494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3954163085786663,0.2241737493966054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331021997478436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057394815931242175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789444602360975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764741753145725,0.0,0.0,0.05878077121094288,0.0,0.14996530542720266,0.08503913385289755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799954488005361,0.0,0.0,0.0974903575074181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227502158667259,0.0,0.0,0.10115652959139744,0.07464530818108445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881196609762821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786475521937448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467290047795463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100405656621037,0.0,0.17391506882814065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473391117936433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803220265064055,0.0,0.0,0.09022759569683864,0.08940806749674526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441029464232603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542202460571038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719681729000596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06030573896717738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495639446871125,0.18509508308604944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412963189116264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17893036848204125,0.09969546800615728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402575293457425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101827488360061,0.09284184647263682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540570456374968,0.0685131803331253,0.08801894909088565,0.09962331640863696,0.0,0.0,0.14214404274178385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187869901759966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691363462666157,0.0,0.07778609920348888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280992129731151,0.0,0.07065258562609301,0.0518940648298605,0.0,0.0,0.08503913385289755,0.0,0.060422187791515876,0.19360336930378064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686364621831539,0.0980161081241184,0.0,0.0,0.21192175501036456,0.0,0.108372696124459,0.08001775514139449,0.0,0.08030470950118213,0.0,0.0,0.08578860702840145,0.09651195940107496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321993884478562,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pinkmiss90,2020/01/02,"Splitting romantically I’m so beyond sick of splitting ruining my relationships. Even harder I have intrusive thoughts and obsessive thinking from OCD and my brain tells me maybe my splitting is right. Idk what to do, gonna try to work on things. I love him as a person but I want to fall back in love",4.022068965517242,6.18173982758621,4.802965517241383,81.28858620689657,73.13793103448276,8.088275862068969,28.84137931034483,8.841846274778883,2.3753820689655174,242,10,46,5,5,78,47,58,0.10400000000000001,0.708,0.18899999999999997,0.8079999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,6,10,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,2,9,8,0,6,0,1,0,2,6,4,0,0,1,29,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21517122757175489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123817081139366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848244148416648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.505113194063687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28112584127058354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443358885940585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30043162206163104,0.0,0.2389724363573969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24458287926348404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859059530004795,0.1793031236878018,0.0,0.22215296816252506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18998552199909072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505039384771944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037188441651276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,marlaminger,2020/01/02,"New Year, New Reminder That My Suicide is Long Overdue It's a brand new year to constantly suffer and force myself into daily normal-people stuff. My traumatized ass has given up on therapy. I'm a broke college drop out who lives with her shitty father. I've no friends or any kind of support system. I fucked it up with my boyfriend just like I do with every relationship I have- friendly or romantic. I'm not even upset about it even though I love him because I have been so used to abandonment and rejection. I've been feeling like hell since 2015 and every new year is just a reminder that I have failed on everything, even on ending my life. There is no hope for me. I have tried everything but my life is persistent on getting worse",3.8679166666666656,5.824645513888887,4.577500000000004,83.6175,73.02777777777777,7.5777777777777775,27.277777777777786,8.344100000000001,1.9587611111111107,590,22,110,10,12,189,93,144,0.221,0.66,0.11900000000000001,-0.9417,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,9,16,2,1,3,0,12,5,1,1,0,18,22,8,1,1,6,1,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,7,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,3,1,16,8,16,19,0,20,1,5,0,3,8,8,3,3,12,71,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919381096987253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241440032860682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609915443970353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974377989292735,0.0,0.0,0.2678876130050845,0.0,0.2278174017162992,0.0,0.2430114064281661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835930375643255,0.09658425282899677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20890462843652166,0.12498678671465707,0.07063447875376236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428041594475693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407861259878779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909862682765648,0.1321001513879203,0.0,0.11938079633277393,0.11964445761251467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220199253897412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5222936570381698,0.0,0.0,0.13246365415221348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372808103626293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515021400948422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183576381359638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476740059515368,0.14788279225639678,0.15341914177011848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460873406882866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328296633242318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917894028186371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676618213802613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777656428786705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611859243573012 bpd,N2425,2020/01/02,"Are you able to open up in a relationship? I've going about my relationships extremely secretive about myself in general (as I don't have much of a sense of self, even less in a relationship), let alone about the disorder. I fear opening my heart and feeling vulnerable. Instead I opt for taking advantage of the other person, assuming that otherwise that's what they would do with me. That attitude has lost me a couple of partners that actually cared about me. Last night I had a painful breakthrough that showed me a lot of my behaviors are same as my mother's. I'm afraid I might be a narcissistic.",6.627067669172933,7.2428558421052625,7.5298496240601525,70.08394736842106,65.14035087719299,11.777443609022555,34.70676691729324,11.491704259439757,4.287708270676691,482,21,87,15,7,162,77,114,0.13699999999999998,0.805,0.057999999999999996,-0.8271,1,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,2,6,6,0,2,9,0,11,2,1,0,0,12,17,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,7,4,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,1,16,2,18,11,4,9,0,1,0,0,10,6,0,3,2,68,23,0,0.17993770592306393,0.0,0.17559324465477938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863611969635124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18345848340802168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19909764913400546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062242000595912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884715772926205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20247994482347487,0.09098191063782868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226274494213748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132270478851062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146673246292988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18399849545889627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964232617860704,0.15297660294253268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908854706644916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322749177512502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688593476943078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19146640565369605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711466429115575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5795572690643411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877142702332437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529076133034115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782258362275098,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,megisobel,2020/01/02,"Noticing extreme, non-stop hypervigilance in a relationship to the point of not being able to relax/ be myself and even experiencing occasional disocciation because of the stress All of this makes me wonder whether I should even be in a relationship, whether it is even worth it. I become so convinced of my biggest fear, thar he will leave me that, if there's a silence that's too long or when he seems irritated with me, of if there's a delay in his texts, I become so truly convinced the love is gone that I drive myself up the wall with anxiety and so many times I've discovered I was wrong and everything was fine! It's like I'm living in an alternate reality that doesn't match up with actual reality. The problem is that I think these behaviours themselves are what are starting to cause real-life distance..and I'm not sure how to switch them off.. I packed my bags the other day because I convinced myself the stress of being in the relationship was not worth it... But he convinced me to stay, staying we would work on the problem together But nothing has really changed :/ Even if someone loves you, if you FEEL they don't, it's the feeling that seems to count more than reality.. I am at a loss of what to do..whether to continue with it or end it? Whether it's worth the pain All opinions/advice welcome",6.427176470588236,6.623802462745099,6.958431372549023,75.45294117647059,65.54901960784314,9.937254901960783,34.25490196078431,9.725611199111238,3.1711254901960784,1048,44,199,20,15,344,138,255,0.135,0.723,0.142,0.6992,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,2,2,2,12,19,0,3,17,0,19,3,0,3,3,39,32,19,0,8,14,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,19,8,0,1,6,1,3,2,5,8,0,0,4,3,24,11,30,21,3,25,0,1,0,2,15,13,0,9,9,141,43,1,0.11866180590300633,0.0,0.11579680539004696,0.0,0.0,0.11595494338828564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907759567241544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467027099881946,0.26210528367051755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189836156117605,0.12552845665141182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652704816116512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509913934009224,0.0,0.0,0.3135000146911629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664557978820807,0.0,0.0,0.1335275215866523,0.11999794890579275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564571903908747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057972164524874616,0.0,0.10478054859741784,0.10501196415489264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21419382538735995,0.0,0.07920767686428039,0.12030444647875475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385920309053743,0.13509725250572674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626452776017635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217376146356003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270866452444868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506311349302394,0.07601779137066066,0.0,0.0,0.382195114795972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21605050293669026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054176306950252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398943696711107,0.252955393273888,0.0,0.0992065830588574,0.2718533954910023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183734775879386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603369386892488,0.0,0.0,0.06919265327500825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868366672806275,0.08638720795267603,0.0,0.0,0.08429394233996135,0.129738056912573,0.0,0.0 bpd,ImpressiveHour,2020/01/02,"Im so ashamed My stepmother have BPD, and have been violent towards my father for years. And I mean she physically hurt him very hard and he always lied about it and was ashamed. She was paranoid, thought he was unfaithful, she didn't have a job so she was mostly just home on her computer doing god knows what. 2 months ago she was sure my dad cheated. He was not, and old friend from when he was a teenager took contact because she needed help with her dog. And my father is a profesjonal dog trainer at this breed. Since they where old friends and have not talked in 30 years they got good contact again, but there was no love. So my stepmother tried to kill my father a few months ago. And she manipulated my stepbrother to join in. My stepmother kicked and used knives while my stepbrother shocked him. My father managed to call 911 while he was attacked and just showed the phone away since he could not talk. My father felt he was about to die so he found a way to brake my stepbrothers knee, and ran and locked himself in the bathroom. &#x200B; The police took my stepmother, and my father has several evidence with hidden camera and audio uptake. He could just never take care of it before he was about to die... She is out of our life now and will face justice now in january And here am I. My father have been a few abusive relationship and I have never had a real mother. I myself is somewhere between avoidant and borderline. Im never aggressive towards other and shy highly away from conflict. But I harm my self and have borderline traits from that. I feel like I shouldn't be around my father since I have those traits and I don't want to hurt him. He need peace, and its rarely peace with me unless I'm full with Seroquel. I have PTSD from violent attack and rape too... I can understand his ptsd somehow, but only to a point. Its most empathy. And I hate to see him suffering like this. I didn't know about the abuse until this year, I'm an adult and live by my own. I have just never accepted any relationship to others, I want to be by myself... And I just want peace in my family.",3.267311435523116,5.312994119221415,3.906782238442824,87.38722931873481,74.9610705596107,7.194403892944036,24.31204379562044,8.07648339933343,1.352017518248175,1657,53,330,27,36,524,206,411,0.217,0.691,0.092,-0.996,2,1,0,0,1,0,49.0,1,0,2,0,23,26,9,3,13,0,40,5,2,2,5,75,65,38,3,8,12,10,3,2,2,2,1,1,1,2,12,32,0,3,9,1,0,3,12,17,0,0,23,5,57,9,44,36,6,41,0,3,1,2,54,17,0,3,22,229,69,3,0.0,0.21223361946443786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587833440134548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452309927845452,0.0970408331174557,0.10882813046064464,0.06090550958733985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972953265947699,0.0,0.2037803405812584,0.16829366360666662,0.0,0.0,0.054596413454630996,0.0,0.07621101377803143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280071930195787,0.0,0.09145323362921688,0.0,0.09131484535919224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430165922209169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18590328165945064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844314686896656,0.0,0.04528544521923104,0.06398340313868861,0.08599395824222325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820055906782882,0.13839139059715347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512069970731505,0.07163124044306257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023032693214605,0.08842433707526669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06003179509614991,0.09462760280113897,0.08983839905565118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19175682317685744,0.0,0.19348554218020111,0.0,0.0888768715784488,0.0,0.09908753617648647,0.0,0.0984423158444014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326057840261344,0.08751133847771045,0.0,0.07908524831994493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808335711928871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755971990769097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429757213440047,0.0,0.0,0.13281878339125522,0.2763042057681627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18796136519854334,0.0,0.0,0.06811624815127601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466542596959198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20938732746499206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194162955283413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19231301970268028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136964457177405,0.0,0.0934331257930413,0.10118002964496528,0.0,0.2222608515927832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441151088959094,0.0,0.06733978565565374,0.14397374415169656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110254880973271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990142644438268,0.06080699692114956,0.0,0.0,0.09323762672665503,0.0,0.07735316561314097,0.0,0.07389836745224403,0.15847868855892344,0.07109047175905839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882813046064464,0.17302576561721916 bpd,WhatsThePoint138,2020/01/02,"Does anyone else regress in their age? I’m 21 and but I very often seem to regress into a 6-8 yer old. I can be very childish in what I like, how I speak and act and I’m just wondering if others are like this?",-2.30142857142857,-0.5161123333333322,0.6051190476190484,102.9375,99.41666666666666,3.576190476190476,15.190476190476188,5.288315135182226,-1.105777380952381,160,4,42,1,7,55,36,48,0.069,0.7859999999999999,0.146,0.5604,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,11,7,6,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,4,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,4,4,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22351574297403146,0.3275324328332093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797391714286048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670373475593716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31234230732451695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354324566120794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910091124720435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5275107660118323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466607958339747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,KobraByte15,2020/01/02,"I feel like I experience dissociation more than others I've just realized this, and it's beginning to make me wonder if I even have BPD or if I have something else. My biggest problem is dissociation. Yes, I change my self image a lot, often without even thinking about it. Yes, I have abandonment issues and struggle to allow people to leave me. Yes, I change emotions very quickly and feel things much more strongly than others. Yes, I self harm frequently and have multiple suicide attempts. The list goes on, but for the most part I'm just not here. I walk around feeling nothing and faking every reaction and emotion that I need to ensure that no one asks questions. Sometimes people cry, laugh, scream, etc and I just kind of sit there not knowing what I'm meant to be doing. I know that I should feel what others feel, but I just dont. My quickly changing emotions all tend to happen in the small span of time that I'm not dissociated, like my brain is like ""okay we're back, time to make up for lost emotions."" I feel extreme apathy and hatred at times, sometimes I want to hurt myself or others for no reason. I picture terrible things happening to myself and others around me, and no one knows. I have these thoughts in the middle of conversation sometimes, about the person I'm talking to, for absolutely no reason, and I dont show a single sign on my face. It seriously feels like I'm an empty body, that occasionally feels human. I'd be lying if I said that I haven't considered the possibilty of me being a sociopath, but I still do feel incredibly strong emotions. I dont feel them often, but when I do, they're incredibly overpowering. Sometimes I'll see people crying or getting hurt and it just makes me feel good. I'm terrified of what I am, and I wish I didnt experience dissociation/apathy as heavily as I do. I want to feel empathy, remorse, and basic morals. I hurt people for my own enjoyment, and then I feel horrible about it later when I have 30 minutes to an hour of actually being able to feel emotions. I want help, I want to know why I feel this way.",5.545682382133993,6.291219858560793,6.64705955334988,75.01366625310177,67.53598014888337,9.276923076923078,31.13275434243176,9.367010060515213,2.7740441687344912,1645,63,303,31,26,553,193,403,0.193,0.664,0.14300000000000002,-0.982,1,0,1,0,0,3,52.0,0,0,1,4,22,23,0,1,11,5,23,3,3,6,1,82,70,30,1,11,19,0,15,4,0,1,0,2,0,4,24,17,0,1,27,1,0,1,13,12,0,2,5,18,49,11,41,60,10,29,1,5,1,0,11,12,0,12,18,210,73,0,0.06356028658115108,0.0,0.06202567102163657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316426124103272,0.059420287945381366,0.0,0.0,0.04887393703855703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060114975073559,0.08005195591564689,0.07095430047340377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017150662288512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963598049653295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234765475023863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053096463560715526,0.42898060453863107,0.0,0.0,0.07088652094095754,0.0839619396710216,0.0,0.053552282777301535,0.0,0.0,0.1243483130782767,0.0,0.0,0.4820698600253611,0.09081496286704016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03320762638456648,0.0,0.0,0.05331135278689801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241230302528384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042603120302006164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259407903769612,0.0,0.20412780411071169,0.0,0.0,0.06634042570983936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661882575538498,0.13972428503961548,0.0,0.0,0.06730116610855373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420938187785716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938356108455218,0.05403668271393715,0.0,0.0,0.12728095453989685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04672412397745262,0.047129147130456586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06098780920502315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614019028106767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882959646267549,0.0,0.17625879891575208,0.05549839060811985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060818610253959085,0.0,0.0,0.07120206742582624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070112111240945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046038769784635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05064931922713261,0.0,0.13261448177513194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04893181388481665,0.251450994644312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05075932696787653,0.0,0.0,0.06644701195238444,0.0,0.06952463726782028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051087350733064835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445326026695099,0.040726865189314766,0.0,0.050459767792527366,0.11118754273126202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05244389300115602,0.149958015263215,0.05045119700030056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573532724693305,0.0,0.07309119277253055,0.06126984811011365,0.0689284194969578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Distaff_Pope,2020/01/02,"Idea to reduce validation and affirmation seeking behavior? Ok, so I constantly fall into these moods where ""I'm awful and everyone hates me and just pretends to tolerate me."" Sometimes these funks can last for a few days. The worst part when they hit, my brain gets super warped and I can't think anything good or challenge the cognitive distortions well, and the urge to do validation/affirmation seeking behaviors gets super strong. To try and reduce that I thought maybe I could buy a notebook and pen that will fit in my purse, and when a friend says a sweet, nice thing as bout me (or I think of one), I could ask them to write it down. That way when the moods hit, I have a notebook full of love and affirmation I can use to ground myself and maybe not lose days angry or terrified that a person is going to leave. Is this s good idea or would it reinforce dependence and need for others in the long run? Does anyone have experience with something like that?",7.435081967213116,7.194240076502734,7.151371584699457,76.38509016393445,63.53551912568305,10.817267759562842,32.50765027322405,10.355215969177356,3.11044306010929,766,26,146,16,10,242,114,183,0.105,0.698,0.19699999999999998,0.9583,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,2,5,7,18,1,0,11,2,12,2,1,2,0,31,26,20,0,4,6,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,12,13,0,0,5,1,1,3,2,3,1,1,1,2,16,13,17,19,4,20,0,1,0,1,8,8,0,5,9,96,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077343992216761,0.0,0.12679245269214706,0.0,0.1440414345927117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17200117306913545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16650277578626912,0.0,0.2460363015909112,0.0,0.0,0.1987341660576308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348340442227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722742005797967,0.0,0.15071712056867312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903970506425955,0.0,0.1609980129429358,0.0,0.08756565476973441,0.2584653828187929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211939067196456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34786893325899165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559352730180648,0.0,0.1631455661229588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527436408590804,0.0,0.0,0.13635352221116342,0.0,0.1723730369912078,0.0,0.0,0.13906073828107088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095826242230006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424633233083505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440673558818207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685065252518413,0.0,0.0,0.13453431609298735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252841744225805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861619848882615,0.15238634501242868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236208192111956,0.1974529673678181,0.0,0.12232012993157675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460834229793292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307327833967908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229935337106798,0.0,0.0,0.13853395624510162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945206131146287,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,saramria,2020/01/02,"Family vs emptiness I spent Christmas with my family, away from my own home. It was surprisingly difficult. I wasn't alone for a second. Just when I was in my old room. After first 5 nights I began to have trouble sleeping. My mom gave me a chance to come home for two nights and I took it. That made it a lot easier to go back for another couple of days. It was a bit weird to welcome the empty feeling I wasn't ""allowed"" to feel when I was with my family. I don't think I have ever felt so relieved to come home than I did this time. Makes me feel a bit guilty though.",1.3337954545454558,3.095481091666666,3.3162121212121214,90.71727272727274,79.75,6.696969696969697,20.075757575757574,7.686295010490155,0.5689166666666656,441,11,99,7,11,149,74,120,0.121,0.7390000000000001,0.14,0.2974,1,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,6,0,10,1,1,3,1,17,24,5,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,6,5,0,0,5,0,1,4,3,3,0,3,13,4,17,3,17,11,4,19,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,12,69,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929023178064604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511480779463112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542850404600398,0.1108382240952502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31473692493922445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24833544912148495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949314916675994,0.0,0.0929612786491786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038695397736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4076598222654231,0.0,0.2186513729512076,0.0,0.1384013262550129,0.0,0.0,0.1226092392852557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192064197744921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4337660632938821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254650046478285,0.0,0.1363930125270328,0.0962175740089641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16882029794570302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270539699962837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125540654208566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424860087110727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236197622035464,0.14162124079931596,0.0,0.08405181796673797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014984485949266,0.0,0.0,0.14080823288778158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ohpickle94,2020/01/02,"DAE feel like they’re faking everything Alright so!!! I’ve been self harming SO MUCH feeling so up and down. My emotions are yo-yo at the mo. So when I’m having a really shitty day and my mental support man/ psychologist are chatting with me IM THE HAPPIEST PERSON IN THE FUCKING WORLD LIKE WOOOOOOO. I’ve cried a few times to them. But literally I got a phone call off my mental support guy (was meant to see him Xmas eve but I ended up in hospital for completely hacking my leg- whole over fucked up story to that) and I was like ‘ aww yeah been feeling pretty shit, gashed my legs and stuff Heheheh. But the mental health nurse said at least I didn’t go for my arms this time so like woo’ and then I was joking and stuff with him. IM HAVING LEGIT THE WORST TIME OF MY LIFE. I don’t know why I have to put up a wall. I don’t get it.",0.5148275862068985,2.7633198505747174,2.315643678160921,93.95622413793106,86.12643678160921,5.0891954022988495,19.044827586206893,6.508806274219699,0.01239862068965536,650,18,143,7,20,214,109,174,0.135,0.6890000000000001,0.17600000000000002,0.4766,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,6,14,3,0,9,2,13,8,4,0,0,16,28,16,0,0,3,0,3,4,0,0,2,1,0,4,5,8,0,0,5,2,0,2,3,6,0,0,9,5,19,8,20,19,5,23,0,0,1,2,11,13,3,0,12,87,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456724410508594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381740905051598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447596608796151,0.08499043827303733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482404143882442,0.11672241552845307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843988215766008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19990340371989573,0.09414724758389896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436662625402228,0.06885223589153885,0.0,0.07489646621091853,0.0,0.10540052260297808,0.0,0.0,0.13048789311943682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008131812477403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847008810090884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242560279613469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308365990258216,0.2575340243219283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984249245209731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687715612869667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506959990151422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407274713087167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324803485376002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442486101821699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535773643251785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501560198211424,0.0,0.1374805214331606,0.0,0.13527543348720752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017246467195092,0.0,0.29909616736206146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305347221050213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891548644516575,0.14713327314776345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheSovietMexican,2020/01/02,"How my BPD came about. I'm what would be called a ""Third Culture Kid"": a child of expatriates who's spent most of their lives moving around due to their family's job or other circumstances. In my case it meant living in five different countries over the course of his life. I'm only 22 years old, and on average I've spent 2-3 years in each place I've been in. The longest stretch of time in one place was five years, and I am constantly astounded by people who've managed to spend their entire life in one place. Needless to say this highly disruptive life, wholly out of my control until recently has wrecked my sense of self. I spent middle school in three different schools. I had to make friends quickly since I never knew when I (or they, as they often lived similar lives) would leave. People leaving my life became a common occurrence, I would get used to it, and any people I'd manage to remain in contact with I cling to as hard as I can. I've learned to front load and give my all in every relationship since I don't expect it to last long enough for the cracks in the facade of extroversion I put up to show. Anything that lasts longer is fraught with difficulty. I've now lived in one place for four years now due to college, and it feels so wrong. It feels like I shouldn't be here anymore, that a drastic change needs to happen. I don't feel anymore motivation to make new friends or maintain current relationships since it feels like I should be gone already, and mentally, it feels that way. It's terribly exhausting. I truly love the experiences and culture I've been able to gain, but I would trade it away if it meant not feeling like this anymore. I hope other people can relate, this isn't the standard trauma that creates BPD, but this slow burn of maladaptive behaviour has been an interesting thing for me to learn through my recovery journey.",8.614766172396937,7.058238601108034,8.021958611699528,75.37148117972953,61.880886426592795,11.2642007495519,36.47075118135896,10.056822442137396,3.4009705393514733,1489,55,286,25,17,469,200,361,0.044000000000000004,0.863,0.09300000000000001,0.9592,4,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,5,3,10,12,0,0,11,0,23,6,0,6,2,51,48,20,0,10,7,0,7,3,2,6,5,1,0,3,23,13,0,1,12,1,5,6,6,4,0,8,13,8,30,8,52,26,4,54,0,0,0,1,21,24,0,7,26,174,53,10,0.07712072521319224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510463800107503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05244473772732395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22944910936332305,0.0,0.0,0.06346378573880718,0.06865379598297537,0.0,0.0,0.07245745999682728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19426170733408854,0.0,0.07874888305666414,0.08820556444827164,0.0,0.0,0.08158350143232042,0.0,0.0,0.08334010631589353,0.08649745103496399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114948707629734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968632481454599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497753718171871,0.0,0.0,0.07543886756544031,0.0727025561622212,0.0,0.2339673353178556,0.1652851845052622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916656198696393,0.0,0.0402923958833435,0.07398122694111861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819760261091963,0.0,0.06908502173682628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814822804093687,0.0,0.07659828137880874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653041985097661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572736842965954,0.0,0.16331942529423324,0.0,0.0,0.21789059579552444,0.11303187246260063,0.0,0.3404950664021653,0.0682494149659818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960446549904799,0.0,0.10295736586410288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771955202674395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196712597662525,0.0,0.05718404055242113,0.059480257626314814,0.07448367698055759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092522800889934,0.0,0.1567769979135454,0.058653786717606765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21386320183175692,0.0,0.32229897415259473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752762972649213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614741223441372,0.1655975945065115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061329496088785775,0.0,0.15610058238953525,0.0,0.0,0.08045373580255988,0.0,0.0,0.19138518251981185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05123558300897597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044969715060256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660754520314684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06121484199995163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191374019589948,0.08431940640635865,0.0,0.19865287413999336 bpd,CaterinaRustic,2020/01/02,"Just how bad am I that even the Funny Farm* doesn't want me? (* Mental Health Unit Care, Mental Asylum ect.) They turned me away saying ""There's nothing we can do for you"" What a joke...",-0.035675675675676644,2.290084891891894,1.0095135135135145,101.00508108108109,91.97297297297294,2.9600000000000004,10.102702702702704,3.1291,-2.026909189189189,139,1,31,0,5,43,35,37,0.157,0.6970000000000001,0.147,0.1441,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,4,7,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,2,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790994888556304,0.0,0.2480343272062213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028744650095301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962066220459096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157629708266801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5987371692494499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850389611527283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23623559273127984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32311810754815223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752148398356932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,way-tootired,2020/01/02,"insomnia it’s currently 3:15am where i am and i’m exhausted but not asleep, and i don’t know why. does anyone else experience insomnia in that way? where your mind won’t let you stop doing things and you can tell your avoiding sleep, but it’s not like a conscious decision to. it’s almost this compulsive, borderline-panicked need to *keep going*, and you have no clue where it’s stemming from. this happens to me all the time and im sometimes able to tear myself away in order to sleep but there have been too many nights where i haven’t and the sun is suddenly rising and i can’t figure out why i didn’t just sleep. i get increasingly frustrated with myself because i feel like i’m allowing it to happen, even though i feel completely powerless in the moment. tbh this might not specifically be a bpd thing, but i was curious, since i experience “manic” states due to bpd that really remind me of this feeling.",2.309831460674157,4.955745320224722,3.724820224719103,84.20936516853935,81.75280898876404,7.604943820224719,22.94494382022472,8.548686976883017,1.8379114606741576,729,25,139,18,20,239,110,178,0.145,0.8270000000000001,0.027999999999999997,-0.9649,2,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,5,0,0,9,5,1,1,5,0,16,7,4,1,1,33,28,12,0,1,8,0,3,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,13,9,0,3,7,0,0,3,9,3,0,0,3,3,19,2,15,21,2,22,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,2,9,93,32,0,0.13752721996698936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377136450311746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616222986805564,0.14091288907112853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921135027823116,0.0,0.0,0.08383531681037111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34642143835971123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419467357053242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035099697269315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488634517499552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083543173809397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26905602106444304,0.0,0.0,0.2086136839377446,0.09824947342365507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185229620607489,0.0,0.07815988842326789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24322973285237975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855299735378205,0.0,0.0,0.1222405121007192,0.0,0.0,0.07558136344633799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063090017047514,0.0,0.13437770581532898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943101529581073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145894647138618,0.13886328756320604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197469100444588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290599795896407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810345869658373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137639375237711,0.0,0.4128796214415106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360179371092614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149789139536702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020485200874215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827339479791885,0.0,0.13511979535373206,0.0,0.08019322792735785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091627058446248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481938500590519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dumdumgrl,2020/01/02,ouch u know what i mean?,-4.299999999999997,-3.0924643333333286,-1.4499999999999975,116.145,109.0,2.4000000000000004,6.0,3.1291,-3.1418,18,0,6,0,1,6,6,6,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4504414659154193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8928059620006847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pimpsmasterson,2020/01/02,"I'm just so tired of this existence, it's breaking me Well I guess some basic things 32 year old male here with bpd and I am just at the en dog my rope.... I have pretty much everything I need to make it life food money great gf people who care about me..... But I just can't feel anymore.... Its been happing for 6 or 7 months now just numb feelings towards everything video games friends girlfriend sex... I have been almost completely stripped of my ababilty to enjoy pleasure or enjoyment. All I can feel is pain and sometimes rage in teo forms sexuel and anger based.. I just want to feel again and go back to being over emotional it was such a colorful existence",2.482461538461539,4.850331246153849,3.1053846153846187,90.6096153846154,78.84615384615384,6.461538461538463,24.615384615384606,7.61054688173877,1.2422307692307697,522,19,105,8,13,163,100,130,0.113,0.6759999999999999,0.21100000000000002,0.9092,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,13,11,2,0,2,0,10,6,0,1,1,24,21,8,0,2,8,0,4,0,3,0,4,0,0,1,7,5,1,0,4,2,1,1,1,4,1,0,3,5,12,7,13,17,4,12,0,0,1,1,6,4,0,5,6,67,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18151683162688345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977223164380882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393862940231478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283046167445785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848179772419145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19005930950466626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039055997858236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258295696161403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36662447824318783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191937451672575,0.0,0.14004960955281776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103020548934644,0.0,0.0,0.19985203818916866,0.19969056382200676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803714547765604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099987319791584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468887019169954,0.0,0.13325512281847274,0.13441023083128245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021353635861246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928852410929104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256705631800031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844178865221887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17928176240567004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042847046981225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20834447433593467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691839696746933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629844972436744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673265132418012 bpd,purethrowawayaway,2020/01/02,"Does anyone else feel like a hurricane? Does anyone else feel like a hurricane ripping through other people’s lives? Like you’ve just left a path of destruction in your wake? I recently dated a friend of mine for a week and our relationship, like all of mine, was very intense and got sexual very quickly, I suddenly ended things because I realized that I didn’t feel a connection with him. He was hurt and confused and I can’t stop thinking of myself as a hurricane lol. I’ve just spun him around and left suddenly.",6.5163636363636375,6.994495333333332,6.935909090909089,74.72386363636366,65.36363636363636,11.044444444444444,33.671717171717184,10.864195022040775,3.783698989898991,414,17,75,11,6,135,62,99,0.115,0.705,0.18,0.6739,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,1,0,0,4,8,1,1,7,1,4,1,1,0,1,17,9,6,0,0,2,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,3,12,5,10,5,1,12,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,1,12,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282754917734716,0.3345072082258165,0.0,0.1453138068253094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995065744582406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28569619337098484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727238852391764,0.0,0.1445778080325464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476096454757009,0.2332303118702937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611499860039824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055398532005852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474650252602936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547107298365082,0.0,0.0,0.3189936102820673,0.0,0.1441395442035128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316663395323605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117492402638214,0.17525336009695933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647181519379858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084461172954616,0.1045944321257957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26937203152876377,0.0,0.0,0.1309373149648533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,queer_artsy_kid,2020/01/02,"Did anyone else end up just having CPTSD instead of BPD? I posted about this on the cptsd subreddit, but they didn't really get it. A lot of them said that they hardly qualified for the BPD diagnosis, but their Dr. basically forced it into them. My thing is that I pretty much ticked off every box for having BPD when I got diagnosed, and at the time I thought it was a diagnosis that fit my symptoms perfectly. But my DBT therapist who specializes in trauma, told me recently that he doesn't think I have BPD at all and that it's just been really bad PTSD/CPTSD. He said this because my symptoms that I assumed were from BPD, are pretty much not there anymore or under control after a year of trauma therapy with him, and the only actual DBT I got coming from the weekly group sessions. So this kind of had me wondering, how many other people's BPD symptoms are a result of unprocessed trauma? Here's some info on C-PTSD: [Article 1](http://traumadissociation.com/complexptsd), [Article 2](https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/complex-ptsd), [Article 3](https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/complex-ptsd/)",10.901083743842364,10.432027310344832,9.939807881773401,59.95562315270936,56.6847290640394,13.243152709359606,38.526600985221684,12.340626583579946,5.090194482758621,956,37,141,26,10,303,129,203,0.122,0.79,0.08800000000000001,-0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,66.0,0,0,5,2,9,7,0,0,9,0,13,5,0,3,2,25,23,10,0,0,7,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,16,6,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,12,3,19,3,21,11,5,19,0,0,0,0,13,10,0,5,7,99,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.08024754463338447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081553038201866,0.05749922481445381,0.08425742517693592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866111917234786,0.050128472845156105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6214175001595428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083644710942456,0.0,0.0,0.09223130063383947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346476285054152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869511863849186,0.0,0.07283402894160727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928484821860363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04296334786180184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153848262940548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366461477031214,0.0,0.0,0.08740983239839828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085633013956523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991155494978941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337135386317214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287152144181023,0.0,0.0830318868543972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090143202250794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254190119287996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570100073084439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575129632124048,0.16732104627204702,0.0,0.0,0.4806298754253766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536112953030967,0.0,0.08119516571005324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644482616374078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419762235632638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331703259971467,0.0,0.25641471680125283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404060087182403,0.09547884978277066,0.05463195045760075,0.05269158524568486,0.0,0.06528381557869059,0.04795072293476048,0.0,0.0,0.07857715442722357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596235146641341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891781794373697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05295535515022252 bpd,louise_mcgee,2020/01/02,Stigma I hate having BPD. I hate myself. If I could reset everything I would because the people who caused me to suffer like this live with no consequence but I'm looked at like I'm a monster. I'm a fucking person. But the stigma against BPD is so harsh sometimes I look in the mirror and all I see is a monster. I cant stand it. Inside I feel like a sad little baby who just wants to be held and I keep crying and crying but no one will listen. But on the outside I'm an adult and when I start crying its more screaming and cursing but the need to be held doesnt cease. But people dont see screaming adults the same way they see crying babies.,0.6619362745098059,2.8556317132352973,2.5224705882352967,93.1264509803922,84.80882352941177,4.214901960784314,17.89019607843137,5.2151,-0.4787592156862739,507,12,106,2,15,168,81,136,0.295,0.6509999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9896,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,3,10,3,0,11,0,11,1,0,1,1,25,31,14,0,5,8,0,1,3,0,2,0,3,0,3,5,6,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,2,9,13,3,8,24,3,8,0,2,5,1,7,4,1,1,5,69,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195190633149656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386388737802837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810443624185811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733747537535597,0.0,0.590693514401802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755985284160987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082383623298375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797568429784365,0.09604224030484222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428538455261808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654585724917161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949430596477476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197038245556977,0.13474178200533524,0.11871085392642255,0.0,0.2257874312500473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968376864707956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109838944702936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18640419361392893,0.11738571704578765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32138805775503443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296221288928933,0.0,0.09515561730329501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929477303554552,0.10671030043945276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550060588486013,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nemoo07,2020/01/02,"Dunno aight, so sometimes i trap my self in da closet or any narrow, outta reach, remote place to feel safe n other time i wanna be close to ppl to da extent,anyone having the same swings?",3.1235964912280707,4.609097500000004,4.565789473684212,84.88885964912285,74.0,5.066666666666666,15.298245614035089,3.1291,-0.7392385964912283,147,1,27,0,3,49,34,38,0.069,0.825,0.106,0.1082,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,3,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,5,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135066369052633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223530528814011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23310350291182505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4816635178440056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4809401520714239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4559565365108704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26882209239810057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MyAnklesAreRingaDing,2020/01/02,"Less than 48 hours into the New Year New Decade before I started contemplating suicide. It got to 10 am on Thursday 2nd of January 2020 when I realised I've got nothing. My brain has already checked out and I'm hoping my body will officially check out before night fall somehow. It's currently 5:45 pm, and my thoughts remain the same. Only cried once though, so far, so that's nice. Hope more of you have lasted longer. ♥️",2.3048460508701467,4.8645486144578305,3.2187148594377533,88.41179384203484,80.92771084337348,5.616599732262381,24.88487282463186,6.937597516519254,1.0700880856760375,337,13,65,4,9,107,68,83,0.081,0.815,0.10400000000000001,0.2363,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,4,2,2,0,0,10,11,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,3,8,7,3,16,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,3,10,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21279796853639246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281763798861416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21419596271487729,0.0,0.21526738236303364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21181994470124813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30845516953527746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38305688276551,0.18990340903889813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718607833641313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724820532197858,0.0,0.1809623726572008,0.0,0.18503016668514075,0.0,0.0,0.20536274114074465,0.0,0.14665953529249368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648944573640026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109299446901464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189459186634874,0.15308927090917449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417927228705285 bpd,realityaltering,2020/01/02,"Splitting and wanting to punish myself for it I hate when I split on my FP i feel like such an abusive partner. I feel like theyre always reassuring me for my stupid breakdowns and I'm not strong enough for them. I feel like I just am wearing them out and that I just annoy them. I feel so guilty because I can see what it does to them sometimes after they spent another session of comforting me. I am tired of being like this. I always wanna hurt myself for being ""bad"" idk for showing my symptoms, for being this way, for having this disorder. I feel like I self victimize a lot and it becomes a painful cycle. Am I trying enough?",2.398333333333333,4.5741054206349245,3.7700793650793654,86.73464285714287,78.12698412698413,5.787301587301588,24.785714285714285,6.816661863887847,1.0358380952380957,497,18,95,5,12,163,73,126,0.28,0.598,0.122,-0.9757,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,5,1,5,16,5,0,3,0,8,4,1,0,0,16,18,6,0,2,3,0,5,5,1,0,3,0,0,2,8,5,0,0,5,1,1,0,1,8,0,0,1,6,26,8,15,14,3,5,0,1,1,0,8,2,0,1,7,73,34,1,0.0,0.17671706262536907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482076729494583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563956307257608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245331051642196,0.09091978773136104,0.16472324680159126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709375660207852,0.0,0.13052121127860145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082213763826432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.377070837269753,0.4262080282276289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725366463587053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966698685956607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643331042749031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680106484868606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870494999002874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188523663797182,0.0,0.15559483538676125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751208011301745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502281969756634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17142472484069532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126231565094676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797188809050849,0.1183874579495414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,iritropical,2020/01/02,"DAE feel sad by this ""new year, new decade""? It seems like everybody has all these goals. Goals that they could accomplish. But, for me, it feels like all my goals depend on my bpd. I will still keep on having those bad days. I will still keep on having those suicidal thoughts. I will still feel internally empty. I will still feel this constant need of validation from everyone in my life. These feelings don't stop and it makes it hard for me to get through every single day. It's almost like everyday is unpredictable for me.",2.756154545454545,5.463573870000005,2.9414545454545475,90.1657272727273,80.3,6.836363636363638,21.090909090909093,8.00094639256281,1.0352999999999994,417,12,83,8,11,127,66,100,0.129,0.76,0.11,-0.4788,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,4,4,5,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,2,2,19,22,2,1,2,1,0,6,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,12,1,0,3,7,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,11,3,12,16,3,16,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,3,15,54,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664847387105318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061787337386147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970261901897211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905219111646755,0.0,0.12490174918022474,0.0,0.0,0.20177709388384246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180442789795735,0.14948169984370038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39549476270208256,0.11175820716215992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173157091488319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013630188652654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780957495019308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049566730598626,0.2292807934918085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442252272233488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159956205915728,0.0,0.3021745316293926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241383818600764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4997212969843406,0.13078784890281805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111604892746282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241930405360205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073992321793236 bpd,Imnewhere524,2020/01/02,"I feel like I’m never gonna be happy again From the minute I wake up I feel shit and just so heart broken about life, I’ve been put on antidepressants and they’ve just made things worse. I’ve been in a young persons psych unit and left sat in my own piss for two days because I have a disability. I’ve been neglected for DBT therapy and I feel like whenever I’m having an suicidal episode I have to argue with the mental health assessment team and they just make me feel like it’s my own fault. I just wish I could blink out of existence, I have no life. I spent Christmas and New Years all alone. Why can’t I just be allowed to have something good in life",2.1019565217391296,3.824956949275364,3.1747101449275377,92.7842391304348,77.33333333333333,6.918840579710146,21.644927536231886,7.793537801064563,0.6655536231884058,521,14,119,8,12,167,88,138,0.226,0.685,0.09,-0.9632,1,1,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,8,10,3,0,5,0,12,8,4,3,2,25,24,7,1,2,5,0,4,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,8,0,1,4,1,1,1,3,5,0,1,6,4,15,5,14,14,3,14,0,1,0,0,4,7,2,0,9,67,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765047193954907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986756087118381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292415417087683,0.0,0.0,0.10439398513720544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273891884130852,0.346923956318755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577047101524867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231564913922426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720622618198342,0.0,0.19181898265664124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17587429460716994,0.0,0.34300473344433696,0.2372473038174447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531671070952029,0.10805075120509346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312880403131905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124845589520596,0.15633689115336616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413403006967875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272597032357652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615918072483524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461689811789525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706158736486102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18511462663780165,0.0,0.1075404986537437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812532685524885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606421353728294,0.0,0.1861446980994952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649612967287703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424019738524123 bpd,imagineaworldliketht,2020/01/02,"If you could get rid of one symptom of your BPD, what would you get rid of? Mine would be the random feelings of irritability. It happens everyday especially if I'm tired. For a few minutes it'll be like I can't be talked to or touched and just any minor thing someone does irritates me. It makes me want to break something. Any suggestions for dealing with strong irritability over small things?",4.790399999999998,6.762781840000002,5.175666666666668,80.21950000000002,70.6,8.200000000000001,31.16666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.5680666666666663,318,14,60,6,6,101,57,75,0.136,0.777,0.08800000000000001,-0.6025,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,8,2,0,1,0,13,15,4,0,6,4,0,2,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,7,2,10,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,4,2,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235972598043895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29966093311913755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18996547957161514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452924579976012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20821166395139606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030312266700965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486142454671957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21039820472421245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623919381461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881822902578607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16122560344362208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20159491334645446,0.18316795436437447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24729742333428184,0.0,0.1912368413257296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31613647020961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27346227369361753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033560538427026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33803326066419703,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ajaxsoccer11,2020/01/02,"weird memory loss? so when my mood swings to the depressed side, i have almost no memory, whatsoever. i can remember general things, but not anything specific at all. but when i am in an ok or positive mood, my memory is just fine. i’m 18 so it’s a bit frightening to me. has anyone else had this? how did you help it? i have also had many, many severe concussions so that could be part of it, just curious if it was Bpd related at all.",1.296017478152308,3.4053130337078663,4.176779026217229,82.7303620474407,81.58426966292134,9.348813982521847,22.24843945068665,9.725611199111238,2.3817930087390766,336,11,71,12,9,120,67,89,0.14300000000000002,0.6920000000000001,0.165,0.6418,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,1,9,7,0,0,3,1,12,0,0,1,2,14,13,11,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,8,2,6,7,4,6,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,3,2,54,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397274565221605,0.0,0.0,0.1914504396688371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739609771094074,0.2452965970116031,0.1970082160684116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613659988972879,0.0,0.3015196144286301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19114376224815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061973960844809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19999043167940286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604667401312881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4854339982011305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592500476637031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711968551866541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704571718621813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904867146384472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,NPocky,2020/01/02,"Help I really messed up I accidentally made my gf mad and idk if I can fix things and she’s the only thing in the world that gets me through the week and if she leaves me idk if I want to live, I’m having a panic attack and I don’t know what to do I hate myself, i wish I could take it back, i wish I just would’ve suffered in silence.",-0.7747727272727261,0.9028735194805222,1.9559577922077944,98.18250811688314,86.53246753246755,4.888961038961039,14.819805194805195,5.985473137389443,-0.9771285714285721,259,4,68,2,8,90,53,77,0.297,0.59,0.113,-0.9355,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,3,1,4,0,5,0,0,1,0,14,14,7,0,7,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,16,0,6,12,0,6,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,3,2,45,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26237853788033944,0.0,0.17734267951552765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841418276783664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049631767425598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277025174133065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458855921755746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674996431517452,0.0,0.0,0.2442072371373443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036533236022976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182306916786433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754069263487125,0.0,0.27059834438954417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774952100148306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734074489335783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30644487383424274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603342524170273,0.0,0.185000025659186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5304335505052751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638351940972431,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Creativ3_art1st,2020/01/02,"Friends... TW: cussing? . Hahaha so.. some old friends of mine ended things between us about a year ago and it was fucking hard. I bawled my eyes out every night but shifted/split so rapidly I was always in pain mentally and physically. After I eventually accepted it I still go back and forth between trying to reach out and hating their guts. I know we wont and we cant be friends again, but every time I get that spark of hope and light and love I message them then later I beat myself up for it. Its..like bro my brain i.. can it not? Do ? The stupid?",-0.2704504504504506,1.9671733513513523,1.48527027027027,95.39745495495498,99.27027027027029,4.268468468468469,18.779279279279283,6.139981653823899,-0.01726666666666654,426,14,91,5,18,138,82,111,0.08199999999999999,0.687,0.231,0.9564,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,3,0,2,1,6,10,3,0,2,0,7,6,3,0,0,18,14,12,0,1,3,1,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,6,11,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,3,18,6,12,10,1,17,0,0,1,2,11,4,1,2,12,62,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549312388416854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473127676159538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223075555675508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22100586581649748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534731922659572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33360539227876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4588655870450235,0.18302493882152687,0.1034339028341606,0.0,0.1125139032650374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773469477047589,0.19545958346122652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19663410476602192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880202603909186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17868040267688334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19951249898177195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18578637139678514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20774173357521875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106596361794676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810329930605393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152596658549046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544096686355773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344122068975108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381398631374704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274895773200777 bpd,scarletharlot818,2020/01/02,"Book recommendations Looking for book recommendations on BPD or generally just about navigating emotions. Not looking for books along the lines of “I hate you, don’t leave me” (it’s slightly triggering), but more looking for books that are a bit more positive. I don’t need to know anymore about what I’m doing that is extreme, it puts me in this guilt mode that I really just can’t handle anymore guilt. So, self helpish type books, if there are any suggestions I would really appreciate it.",8.241666666666667,8.361470944444449,8.081111111111113,69.18500000000002,61.77777777777778,11.644444444444444,36.888888888888886,11.20814326018867,4.191155555555556,395,17,70,10,5,127,63,90,0.10300000000000001,0.797,0.1,0.4125,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,6,3,1,2,2,0,8,0,0,1,0,12,15,4,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,3,7,0,10,14,3,3,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,2,0,45,15,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505136356490808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4230727126516349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328684347650025,0.0,0.2686439741939621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23993387198188565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105896617890968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722414148133105,0.0,0.0,0.2258539785129217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5373550193184311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581593009275008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21442548658078295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27329097640784444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22251849447179314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515222515149638,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bl1293,2020/01/02,"Anybody else knows how to cope with rejection on dating apps like Grindr or general ones? As a gay guy, dating can be pretty rough because there are so many standards in the gay community that I'm just not on par with - which is fine because I'll never change for anyone. The downside is that it's harder for me sometimes, but the rejection consumes me completely. And I'll go through months where I forget about what dating and sex so I can learn to ""love myself"" only to think I'm ready again, get rejected on Grindr or Tinder, and then feel like the ugliest piece of garbage once again. It then hurts even more because I feel trapped in this cycle as I always think I'm better and then here I am again feeling like garbage because I was rejected, told I'm not good enough, or made to feel that way and let it consume me. And the harder part is that I know it's all in my head, but the rejection makes me isolate myself yet live with such aggravation because I know I do it. Gay or straight, it doesn't matter, but how the fuck do I get over this? I'm up later than I should be really upset and feeling bad about myself once again because I didn't match with guys I thought were cute or got ignored, and I know it seems like something ridiculous to obsess over, but it's driving me crazy because I just want to be able to deal with rejection without letting it consume every fiber of my being. I know I'm being repetitive, but I just have nowhere else to write about these things.",10.721335995085994,6.4402934493243285,9.654545454545453,73.77227272727275,60.45270270270272,12.385257985257983,41.0982800982801,9.095868883498916,3.641835135135136,1175,42,236,12,11,370,154,296,0.225,0.6609999999999999,0.113,-0.9922,0,3,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,1,20,22,2,2,8,0,22,7,1,4,2,58,52,27,0,2,16,0,6,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,19,13,0,1,15,0,0,2,6,13,0,1,7,6,27,9,34,37,5,29,0,7,0,6,6,11,1,6,19,157,46,1,0.1083407267954179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901481636884571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757543552227253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045998147899248,0.4623045103055165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581856863477063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146101234818348,0.0,0.11359319077640995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169453210072633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18100955051830306,0.0,0.0,0.11194493208145884,0.0,0.07155802826264393,0.0,0.09128173502237093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739016337118554,0.15479727374029467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015925614315052,0.11320711630402072,0.0,0.06157253175086475,0.09087106144502943,0.08664997633204109,0.0,0.0,0.21454870566453216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118884199253597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598098879070373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977061504599012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215714669142624,0.0,0.2117192264429993,0.0,0.09566684665448234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977817358372492,0.10251461526300792,0.07231827641547238,0.10984049222108228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647653449727716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355904749857453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23075867635661015,0.07341448035662282,0.08239800474804054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732244939268398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102214683452956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940584380800466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986293286814185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340598453612495,0.10715174906587926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197676481431589,0.13884072624738186,0.0,0.08601043529894402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352420729286976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390216767537764,0.08599582608446417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443659448293133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,opiatenaive_,2020/01/02,"I am not convinced that the people here wish to get better This is a very controversial post , and i apologize if anyone misinterpret it as me stating that they do not deserve to get better . That is simply not the case . I do believe everyone deserves to get better . I do believe that this condition is a terrible illness, sometimes sadly a deadly one. It's an illness that's misunderstood and for which current treatments are new if not almost experimental in nature. I am grateful I discovered these forums and i was led towards dbt self-help which gave me access to free books and resources which helped me tremendously in working everyday towards recovery. But i do not frequent r/DBT as much as i used to when i first discovered it . THe excitement of discovering thousands of brothers and sisters , some of them with life stories almost identical to mine has waned. But furthermore it is incredibly frustrating to see that some post could be construed as tongue in chick and maybe better belong into a meme type category. And don't get me started on the hundreds upon hundreds on Dae posts, which appear to are either the product of trolls or the result of people we simply did not even research the very basics of this condition. Des anyone want to kill themselves sometimes ? Does anyone feel they do not know their identity ? Does anyone self harm ? Does anyone has a favorite person ? COME ON!!!!! There is also very little in the way of recovery information . I am in fact quite concerned this community is headed towards a cult-like as/na 'my way or the highway' , judgemental environment. How far long are we from 'my scars are deeper than your scars', really? but don't take my word for it just open up to todays page and read it the top 30 post. Besides the usual 'does anyone feel' , there isn't a single positive or supportive message towards a community which is suffering terribly. I'm sorry but it looks like we all came to this subreddit and are pourring our anger or general dis-ease. We are in pain and we are pissed off and we want the world to know. And to a major extent that is perfectly ok and understandable but it's lacking moderation . It's lacking away to get rid or at least organizING the 'does anyone feel like' posts . It's lacking a message of the day reminding people that 80% of us will be in remission within 10 years. Personally for me it is no longer a pleasant to frequent this subreddit i'm afraid because of the reasons outlined above . a cancer patient does not want to be reminded everyday of pictures of people with chemotherapy, recent passings, and extremely accurate depiction of the pain it causes to the body and to the family of the patients . Instead i think they would like a little bit of hope and a modicum of support and answers. anyways this post was meant itself as event so i guess it makes me a hypocrite :) i wish you all the very best and i encourage you to research self help dbt if you can or want .",5.335550351288056,7.190130240437161,6.1009354670830085,74.60356557377051,69.0,8.944418423106947,32.37926099401509,9.424239791934726,3.271490033827739,2358,106,393,51,42,772,267,549,0.10400000000000001,0.757,0.139,0.9514,1,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,8,4,5,10,11,30,4,1,36,1,39,9,3,8,4,96,74,41,2,15,24,2,3,3,0,2,6,0,0,5,35,30,0,0,11,2,1,5,12,12,0,3,6,5,42,19,68,62,16,57,0,2,2,0,32,27,1,16,19,287,77,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418106845139002,0.0,0.0,0.0535796460758725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279342988056873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294843561963334,0.0,0.0,0.04084240302052089,0.0,0.0,0.15097146562667746,0.07031206497212088,0.2370232049963051,0.07314633354411157,0.0744215768556813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662982245318249,0.0,0.0688271609094221,0.0,0.0577143199698431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053493818810663285,0.0,0.0,0.04320927197260346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517914007576444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044252678378753366,0.0,0.0,0.06402109673748986,0.0,0.0,0.06316136635428224,0.0,0.10163120364002612,0.04786460817222638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056989921434105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17502292299057184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380773720305765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876103469399762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472548547899055,0.0,0.0,0.06654583232919886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412525531907864,0.0,0.07364257986161568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04732387852872121,0.09819802608303102,0.13430262725322445,0.0,0.059292637421348535,0.056262884396982064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04472282851860459,0.0,0.06731021682585163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04925249795335157,0.0,0.0,0.06470874007078772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04540073932222823,0.0,0.14258483638339084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185796659067327,0.117003129739138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3850032262711843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126244166199741,0.06701784381882546,0.0,0.04292173161016245,0.06888686348829287,0.06615413343014731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05339009657573903,0.0,0.20968593746240305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252885816611082,0.07500069307078898,0.04742274152656255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520609600810896,0.0,0.0,0.0503754457671324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04293071059718799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350789361150623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974906383935603,0.08059240497522707,0.05786624001428839,0.07379071794053367,0.22112711916882036,0.15807266591887914,0.10636250679415787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540927262402728,0.0,0.0,0.048776588841110746,0.0,0.0,0.04759467361840146,0.0,0.0,0.04314561833593136 bpd,allyloveslights,2020/01/02,"Intense relationship beginning Hi everybody, happy new year! I matched with this guy on bumble and from his very first messages I could tell he was different in a good way. There's something about him that feels like seeing an old friend. Were the same zodiac sign (stupid i know but still) and were just one letter off from each other on the myers briggs personality test (INFJ+INTJ) I haven't felt this way about a guy in YEARS, specifically since I started dating my ex in 2015. That past relationship was super intense in the beginning, we were obsessed with eachother and spent all of our time together. Eventually things sorta went flat and a lot of resentment was uncovered. It ended in an extremely truamatizing way. I spent 3 months crying literally everyday after we broke up so I've been single for the past four years. Finally, this new guy seems to really get me on a spiritual and interpersonal level. Our first date went from meeting to drinks into hanging out for like thirteen hours. He bought me dinner, we went to his house and did a drawing with each of us having one side of the paper. We drank a bit and when I kissed him it quicky escalated into me having multiple orgasms (more than I had all year, so yay) we haven't had sex though, I haven't even gone down on him cause its just so intense I'm scared and trying to hold out. Our first date was on a Sunday, Monday night we met and went to a movie, then I went home after. Last night we hung out together until the early morning. I can't fall asleep at peoples houses until I'm really comfortable so I couldn't stay the night. I told him one day I'll explain and it will make sense. At one point he acknowledged my self harm scars and asked me about it but I told him i wasnt ready to talk about ut. He wants to take me out to dinner and go see some live music this weekend which I'm excited about. Being with him just feels right but I'm scared, in a good way but still. I've been estranged from my former? Best friends and spent the past 3 months in isolation...idk I'm just single for four years and then come across a man who makes me feel as intensely as I did about my ex. If it werent for that past experince I probably would have already jumped in, gone all the way, ask him to be by bf, etc. Anyone else experince this? Stories? Advice? I'm sorry if this post is kind of pointless. I'm just so excited but scared at the same time and I really, really don't wanna fuck this up.",2.8685897913561864,4.94245455122951,4.041602086438154,85.84043219076008,76.23360655737704,7.469150521609539,22.361400894187774,8.367750914986694,1.2815721311475414,1943,55,392,37,44,633,245,488,0.071,0.821,0.109,0.9528,2,2,2,0,0,0,51.0,11,0,0,5,22,24,3,4,22,1,29,9,2,3,3,73,73,35,0,7,12,2,4,2,3,2,0,0,1,6,20,35,4,1,8,2,4,12,7,9,0,9,30,6,48,15,68,37,15,98,0,1,2,4,50,31,1,6,50,250,68,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026528305075984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934957578892879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05027804088669201,0.0736757457465493,0.0,0.0,0.13444398799548918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546045117145611,0.0,0.07850225040275872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386681954419545,0.0,0.061940274769415174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05741074030377773,0.0,0.07898488350843412,0.046373138936193284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512600804403946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044007609487289,0.0,0.0,0.06006787038899423,0.0,0.06368698529215858,0.0,0.08019370908458262,0.04749294558949637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907283810844354,0.051369347909968235,0.0690406158847928,0.07876902853119418,0.0,0.1834885030904113,0.0,0.0,0.11110811777110467,0.06647553346260021,0.03756768838876327,0.0,0.04086558798850996,0.1206219478554734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213593434275952,0.0,0.0765448079016355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212714157702887,0.0,0.0708124943661337,0.16593872880562152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487857776952933,0.03951741642057397,0.05861263019428989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025885107399485,0.0,0.06349392867846677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611315375043829,0.0,0.0,0.09599504207466228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114788667249833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889367983757095,0.0,0.2024354969580156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545279157461884,0.0,0.19490027915587024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745679811176859,0.04985026298448508,0.06278516327239543,0.0,0.0,0.06797399808744793,0.0,0.06886565192950705,0.0,0.07752635761347855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842581772358554,0.0,0.0,0.15439932751482646,0.0,0.0614069571221644,0.0,0.0,0.21597003497533088,0.0,0.11459884665001202,0.06546012312416516,0.07501318325902565,0.0,0.0,0.059481023995589785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05535641466913443,0.0,0.08049238974189843,0.050895126928794776,0.07664176182678223,0.11484774950604633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054064033918763264,0.057794967057302714,0.06284863061481437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04777086034969488,0.0,0.07064684964895106,0.0,0.08385742298405031,0.0,0.0,0.1374176920054322,0.0,0.04881915664023431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649353767144663,0.0,0.0,0.059329619267119216,0.04241176351755238,0.2853764412123523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33328588214782345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05107964822291637,0.0,0.0,0.2315241222819845 bpd,C00kieCrumbsss,2020/01/02,"I hate having bpd It hurts. It's hard. I'm constantly paranoid, scared, unsure of myself.... I got triggered bc I was talking to my SO about how I've been struggling with my daily routine these days and my SO cut me off to tell me he bought bread No one's perfect. I cut people off too in conversation sometimes..but lately I've been feeling really disconnected from my SO and I was attempting to connect by being vulnerable instead of havingy guard up and now I feel like retreating into my shell ... I just hate being so hypersensitive and fragile. The weaker I feel the harder I have to work to look normal on the outside...",2.1206847697756785,4.781216446280997,4.066664698937426,81.30051652892563,82.88429752066115,6.101770956316411,25.17178276269185,7.447530270364453,1.6150443919716646,494,20,88,8,14,167,82,121,0.261,0.6809999999999999,0.057999999999999996,-0.9754,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,10,9,4,2,3,0,8,1,0,2,1,15,17,9,0,1,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,3,0,1,0,1,7,0,1,6,6,17,2,17,9,0,10,0,1,1,0,4,6,0,0,5,63,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746404697602465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356467083767821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406314454889331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307749106196254,0.15578297730379514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17440347585133187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195340019230536,0.4305806137207516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334390433098531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459825513408749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106533696139512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18311650252152095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136536943026056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776392440028666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117619169920005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969559966324713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21831731973593996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279649306257692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526934655937595,0.19059511547239905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875116338673795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,macnche3s3,2020/01/02,"Is crushing on someone to an unhealthy, obsessive level a BPD thing? I feel like a freak. Oh god. I’m so scared he’s going to think I’m obsessive and crazy. I need help rationalizing and figuring out what the fuck is wrong with me. I had a small crush on this guy at my university my very first semester. Nothing much, I just thought he was cute. I had never talked to him. I decided to change my major to theatre my second semester. Then, over the summer, a switch just flipped and I became unhealthily obsessed with him. I would get so filled up with emotion sometimes that I felt like ripping my hair out. I suddenly knew everything about his family, where he went to high school, etc from stalking online. I became convinced we were soulmates. Keep in mind, I had never even spoken to him. I studied everything he was interested in and tried to dress similar to him, take pictures similar to him, listen to similar music as him. I requested him on Instagram over the summer, and he denied it because he didn’t know me, which was fair. I didn’t know he was in theatre when I decided to change my major, but the whole thing became worse when I found out. We had a few conversations, some awkward interactions. I requested him on Facebook, then unrequested him out of panic. He dropped a pencil on the stairway out of the theatre last time I saw him, and I kept it. I just now got some weird surge of courage and requested him on Instagram. I’m scared he’s going to remember the Facebook request, and see all my posts similar to him, and think that I joined theatre because of him (even though I actually didn’t). I’m just having a panic attack right now. I feel like a psycho.",4.253425925925928,5.889323070987658,5.416251851851853,79.31393333333334,71.37654320987654,8.764246913580248,30.24395061728395,9.281916038205594,2.7727144691358023,1321,56,247,29,25,438,162,324,0.145,0.787,0.068,-0.9724,0,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,2,0,0,1,15,20,2,8,16,0,16,2,1,0,3,48,43,18,0,2,5,0,4,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,9,19,0,2,14,0,0,4,5,13,0,2,20,7,49,7,42,22,9,43,0,0,2,1,35,23,1,2,17,169,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.11812422518023295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770822106459987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475780235109899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245421953435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561029491283873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616136860171255,0.0,0.0,0.13499919023773313,0.15990055254394894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175781350607376,0.0,0.11411215941597687,0.0,0.12240980819780285,0.17295173025534322,0.11622392010987892,0.0,0.0,0.1029623546032056,0.0,0.13272157911020366,0.0,0.11190582516400474,0.06324196211248141,0.0,0.13758738310056035,0.0,0.09681219165625417,0.0,0.0,0.11985537268240057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113512507070247,0.12789260051468232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759196634039372,0.0,0.0,0.13304832206820602,0.09866930591260137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741207091479222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222277136001115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898333304828641,0.08975467570916565,0.18671752407749295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614767868081913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28404470068283216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592938338681187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712243887018474,0.10337331420488118,0.0,0.0,0.24237794684978034,0.12250583392704513,0.09645863544989752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256256915581846,0.0,0.11971839007915396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910121365295666,0.09729284056836733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608362435853083,0.1551238161640987,0.1189278760681345,0.0960976459438471,0.07058336824357139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218283815217281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998762951558495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221160542697674,0.0,0.13514444034256426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335704053336748,0.08598818069942205,0.13234568430075094,0.0,0.0 bpd,ideknemor,2020/01/02,"I fucking hate myself 90% of my life is spent pretending everything is okay and being trapped in a delusional space. 10% of my life is spent trapped in my constantly thinking mind for hours upon hours wondering if I’ll really be alone forever and why everything is fucked up in society to the point where a lot of people’s quality of life is down in the gutter and at least half of the population is wallowing in despair every minute. I can’t stand not being able to live up to the standard of a good person cause I’m fucking not. It’s gotten to the point where I’m just so done that I’ve created a split mentality. One side is self loathing and caring of others and the other side is I’m a bad person so fucking what I still love myself and fuck you. I don’t think I’ll ever be with someone. People have abused me to the point where I cringe at the word friend, yet I still desperately crave human attention, touch, and affection. Why? Because I’m a fucking human. Who the fuck said “ let’s make it impossible to live comfortably and without guilt or shame!!!! Let’s make it the social norm to move away from our families and everything we’ve ever known at a certain age!!!!!!!!!!! Even though we know that this is the complete opposite of basic human needs!!!!! Cause we’re not animals at all!! Haha were intellectuals HAHAHAHAHHAHA!!” I FUCKING HATE EVERYTHING AND ALL THE PEOPLE WHO THINK THAT CAN FUCKING DIE BECAUSE THEY DONT KNOW THE PAIN OF BEING ALONE EVERY FUCKING DAY AND SLOWLY DETERIORATING. FORGETTING ANY FUCKING LITTLE MEMORY YOU BARELY EVEN HAD OF FEELING LOVED FOR EVEN JUST ONE SECOND. HAVING ABSOLUTELY NOBODY TO TALK TO BUT YOUR COUSINS. KNOWING YOULL NEVER BE PRETTY ENOUGH OR OUTGOING ENOUGH TO EVEN GET THE ATTENTION OF A GUY AND BEING CONSTANTLY SURROUNDED BY COUPLES AND SEX AT A COLLEGE THAT TREATS LOWER STATUS STUDENT LIKE GARBAGE. HEVSGDGDGDUEHEIRHUEVRUEGEGEYEUHEGDGDGDGEGEISHSIAHDIDUDIDUDIDHGDUDHDUDUHDUDHSUDHDHDIDHDHDHDHDHDUHDHDHDHDHHDDHHDUDHDHDHDI AND ON TOP OF THAT EVERYONE THINKS YOURE CRAZY FOR FEELING THIS WAY BUT ITS NOT EVEN YOUR FUCKINV FAULT IN THE FORST PLACE THAT YOU HAVE A MENTAL DISORDER AND ENDED UP LIKE THIS. ALL I WANT IS SOMEONE TO FUCKING LOVE ME IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?????? I JUST WANT TO BE HUGGED. I CANT EVEN FUCKING FEEL ANYTHING ANYMORE. I HATE SEX I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT ALL I DONT WANT YOUR FUCKING BODY I WANT YOU TO NOT TREAT ME LIKE SHIT.",3.1359987071751805,6.191558002262447,4.200431480284422,79.0056504524887,83.23076923076924,6.505559146735617,23.729961215255326,7.772667728589733,1.6327626373626378,1935,70,336,37,56,626,216,442,0.18899999999999997,0.664,0.147,-0.987,1,4,0,0,1,0,52.0,2,9,1,1,21,43,21,2,25,2,34,26,2,5,8,68,86,23,1,6,14,1,4,3,1,1,4,1,0,7,22,17,0,0,14,1,2,1,12,27,0,4,7,5,36,16,52,68,9,47,0,1,0,20,30,31,15,5,16,228,58,2,0.05170183140900094,0.06125821587362965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709500976640073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035159018289464265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05127432406120007,0.0,0.0,0.04254620196807338,0.0,0.048334233133200614,0.0,0.0485755725289727,0.0,0.0431688696395751,0.06303391309575493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742907935183283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05271346286791107,0.10622404556392634,0.0,0.0,0.05420838656383112,0.11174262468204782,0.0,0.0,0.05720709306950963,0.0,0.033343404073010265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05365833833606655,0.0,0.05925477803132542,0.0,0.0,0.05290892402386607,0.12118832271240232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04579247671179156,0.1068436252323984,0.0,0.2048914322043599,0.0935345329903016,0.0871220456875746,0.04940331554461004,0.18586508926830345,0.0,0.04873988530724545,0.0,0.07842599827982252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039944706694656114,0.6691651403557294,0.027012072996805785,0.0,0.0,0.043365043209093374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05119294164526572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30626912791902394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183177879403567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524192326805466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573725104390498,0.1095555975869499,0.07577670979817767,0.05181881763028148,0.0913073287112189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04395504818894506,0.13998876426267629,0.0,0.06902274787361712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042065713194936,0.0,0.0522041111877037,0.0,0.0,0.05495086459066253,0.03800679497458247,0.03833625287824717,0.039875639699425716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006899803330573,0.0,0.05501439386932814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753062009396676,0.0902880899074741,0.05401740964853168,0.0,0.14662482657080986,0.0,0.0,0.052599349686862376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033121517101661856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049180281270221365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05393628591003853,0.0,0.053071186966058115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270350615631859,0.08761358794812406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257829869841284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0415559736559889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251378375373765,0.05079678685480736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198031885316153,0.04103850725030188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330572228235286,0.0,0.0,0.04983872049412058,0.05606843071059147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tiredhermit,2020/01/02,"Anyone else cut off ppl going into the new year? I've officially cut off at least 3 ppl. 2 are my exes and 1 friend. They're blocked on every social media and on my phone too. And I don't feel bad about it. If anything, I like the ""finality"" of everything and I feel like I go move forward with my life. Anyone else? Happy New year btw! And I'm starting therapy again this month 🥳🎉🥂",-0.3280487804878049,1.8158191219512216,2.573853658536585,91.21443902439024,89.4878048780488,5.231219512195122,17.956097560975607,6.742157984588678,0.07335707317073137,296,8,66,4,10,104,60,82,0.076,0.738,0.18600000000000005,0.8779,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,2,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,8,6,0,1,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,2,0,0,4,1,3,0,0,0,2,7,4,9,8,1,18,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,11,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594541738593568,0.38019539761348603,0.15267561383599276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491003581879842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30997348767804805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631726439388433,0.0,0.16674265435028685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18761937022498493,0.13254287049202074,0.0,0.20323935522191866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334023560273793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21088226955243453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975004350517432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104552491985144,0.1812814485233444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808850098614862,0.19718932816831705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583726048291733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18912475806331847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313192884796029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121700465282037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23895083744635234 bpd,politicalpug007,2020/01/02,"Does anyone else feel deeply emotional or triggered from movies, particularly romantic movies? Movies can seriously trigger me, especially if love and romance is involved. Anyone else?",9.760000000000002,14.230876111111117,8.460740740740743,50.433333333333366,65.66666666666667,11.007407407407408,42.333333333333336,10.504223727775694,6.59868888888889,153,9,16,5,3,47,23,27,0.046,0.594,0.36,0.9122,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,6,4,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4028954636279862,0.5903894268193435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521201452479587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4813447792060917,0.3240761570671363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567311064604793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600234513162325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pinkelephantfriend,2020/01/02,"DAE have crippling anxiety? I have social and generalized anxiety as well as bpd. I moved to a new state in July. My anxiety, sense of self,and over all mental health have been suffering. I know i tend to be quiet but I guess especially so at work. I've started to open up but my coworkers always make jokes about how I'm so quiet it's creepy. How it's always the quiet ones... How I could kill someone while smiling. I just want to connect with people. I'm lonely and scared.. Not scary..",0.9646598639455776,3.435684479591836,3.1276530612244886,87.18460884353745,86.85714285714286,6.1238095238095225,20.41156462585034,7.492282038375204,0.9248544217687074,381,12,76,7,12,129,68,98,0.16,0.7440000000000001,0.096,-0.7506,0,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,1,1,2,0,6,1,0,4,1,18,14,12,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,4,1,1,1,3,9,2,13,11,1,10,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,47,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335336472826715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4624521388410843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537883938622698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088528273583316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221980388239528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141903081242251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22293533954054828,0.0,0.11074183471895324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450609941363176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20306956580630534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21416784127546604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946147082640693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654494939173287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396981403179499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20174157864086112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21021357909138613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20540889074682525,0.1707344655723249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262622015477586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885282316064676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18117712365930036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466979823288911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AuraSprite,2020/01/02,"Ways to combat separation anxiety? When my wife stays a couple nights with her girlfriend (we are in an open relationship) I have a hard time going to sleep, and depressive episodes are way more likely to happen, and I'm just on EDGE. Distracting myself with Netflix etc only works so long",5.812358490566036,7.704409433962264,6.052971698113207,75.26549528301891,67.86792452830188,9.073584905660377,28.34433962264151,9.516144504307137,2.717381132075472,232,8,39,5,4,74,46,53,0.19,0.81,0.0,-0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,7,6,4,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,1,7,6,2,11,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,25,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984235150929433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28699690316318355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22340195330034396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892751137213968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474105356593445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293671724163745,0.0,0.23235180542200495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671902426241494,0.0,0.0,0.22954143152405385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434087497728489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972687117417302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784749797409316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595653916918073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764625133483565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512454396173954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117644809172771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18883032555771412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Vio_lini,2020/01/02,"Urge to destory me and others So the thing is, since i had my believes in humanity cut i only live to destory. I want to destory myslef (overdose, cutting after beeing 18 months clean, suicide attempt etc.) but i also want to make the lives of others that in my opionin wronged me as miserable as possible. I dont want to be the little boy that always does what his mother is saying. I just want to destory as many of the lives that ruined mine. &#x200B; Does anyone else have that and if yes what can i do against it? My rational brain knows it shouldn't do stuff like that but the urge is too damn big",2.598595041322316,4.64009679338843,3.620661157024794,88.69644628099175,76.93388429752066,5.722314049586777,25.049586776859503,6.574015621080383,0.8857702479338845,476,17,94,4,11,153,77,121,0.18100000000000002,0.737,0.08199999999999999,-0.9448,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,3,1,5,1,11,1,1,1,0,13,17,10,1,6,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,2,13,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,1,14,1,15,14,1,6,0,2,0,0,5,4,1,1,3,68,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733656191608778,0.1324925198220676,0.17252616477105662,0.1934824688165404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133765792103477,0.16315044962656136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17939823037568353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775388276667614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786873422088238,0.0,0.18661694339786414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330166388242283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17758408227559888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750891072451301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777919722889588,0.1595907780587648,0.4218103084324947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628758567493267,0.1614347203251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270962545684252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211019596040474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17950844784919656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266264733023833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317171032447035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228081060978,0.174172307243479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578565939341614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756730640310158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740935397338102,0.1934824688165404,0.0 bpd,throwaway1ot,2020/01/02,DAE feel so much they decide to block all emotions Sometimes i hate that i feel so much so i decide to try not feel it doesn't necessarily work but when i pull it off i can go days without feeling any emotion its dangerous because when i dont feel i dont care either and lose friends over some horrible things i say. But it better to not feel at all than to feel sad... sometimes,4.356075949367089,4.655131443037977,5.209974683544306,85.85116455696203,70.0126582278481,7.838987341772152,29.7240506329114,7.554174236665415,1.6170131645569623,300,11,65,3,5,98,51,79,0.20800000000000002,0.67,0.12300000000000001,-0.7578,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,3,5,7,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,20,14,8,0,0,6,0,7,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,1,9,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,0,8,9,3,9,14,6,8,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,44,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097842256287842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841186805325587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277989693662435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16459807419877387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411496037362364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.378411196089031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631948530543805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5713997466785838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472756367477499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174964584396124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938783598265172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806092255985459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373528476002327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838297087722805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31933509143766386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725306387315847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960665324090656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562167551805714,0.0,0.11752969634787375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,snoopymcsnooperton1,2020/01/02,"DAE constantly need distraction? Being comfortably present (mainly when alone) is never something I’ve been good at. I am always in need of something to distract my mind from ruminating thoughts or falling into a hole of depression / anxiety. For example, driving is too mindless and gives too much invitation for negative thinking, so I have the Netflix app on my phone and will listen to a tv show on Bluetooth. Music and podcasts are not distracting enough on a car ride. (I don’t WATCH the show while I drive, not trying to cause any accidents) I can’t watch tv at home, I have to watch tv and play a game on my phone, or watch tv and scroll through Twitter or reddit. Any mindless activity is very daunting for me. If my mind isn’t constantly distracted enough I will just spiral. And it’s getting worse lately. Does anyone else get like that and have helpful tips?",6.081969696969698,7.342879104938272,6.178327721661053,76.99792929292931,66.5925925925926,9.34769921436588,34.48035914702581,9.573946990214177,3.3791901234567887,693,32,121,14,11,220,105,162,0.157,0.755,0.08800000000000001,-0.8973,0,1,2,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,4,6,0,15,0,0,1,1,23,23,14,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,8,0,0,2,9,0,5,7,5,0,0,2,5,12,4,19,18,4,20,0,1,4,0,6,8,0,4,8,79,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17113055033804647,0.0,0.0,0.13748628432210724,0.0,0.0,0.22472689109774474,0.0,0.12640204967887544,0.0,0.0,0.11553407628782482,0.16929973959858988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973880870956828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571142464950969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231410418367368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459566177528835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803015784980868,0.0,0.0,0.3414577098599545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17265383056774766,0.15850561801372404,0.0,0.13858878627477478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107515458813177,0.0,0.16574119696037876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18638892534960005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072402302002178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33367449321669923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214645529193678,0.24503491123491006,0.1274371267480901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544073763660536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587401220009313,0.0,0.13117577417378914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218170135728207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633372815744066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838555339021838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Nightmare_Blues,2020/01/02,"Diagnosis of EUPD/BPD Hey there. So before I get down to the diagnosis about me, here's some background info. I was diagnosed with GAD in 2014, I have learnt to somewhat deal with this, throughout my teenage years. So, I have been in and out of the UK mental health system for the last six years. Gone through CAMHS, CBT and counselling at different intensities. None of them worked for me. Growing up I was a very emotional and aggressive child, and I was always blamed for everything growing up, even though I still remain close to my parents now, this may have not helped with my psychological development or emotion regulation. Anyways, I started to self-harm around age 14, and my parents too me to the doctor and I got diagnosed with GAD and I remembering them mentioning agoraphobia. However there is no record of this diagnosis. I got sent off to CAMHS. Did some counselling, mostly based around my intense fear of being judged, something that still gives me bad triggers and panic attacks to this day. That sort of helped I guess. Ever since then, I have been in and out of different services. I was never offered any further diagnosis opportunities, or to see a psychiatrist for six years. My mental health had always been bad, however I never acted on on any of my thoughts than self-harming, 2017-2018 changed that. I got into a really controlling, manipulative and emotionally abusive relationship. To put it in context, he used to blame me for everything, never apologise if he did wrong and 'have a go' at me if things weren't done by the time he got in from work. This lead to a lot of arguments, I was disassociating all the time due to the trauma of the situation, I wasn't able to think straight at all. I couldn't sit in a lecture at uni, because my mind was occupied with what was going on at home. Christmas 2018 was the first time I tried to or did some form of suicide attempt. I moved into uni halls after we broke up, in early 2019. I lived there until around June 2019. I then attempted again to end my life in March 2019 and I couldn't go through with it. There has been a few times where I have taken myself to A&E because I was in crisis but that did not help. I have self-harmed and had some other attempts, not as predominant however. During this time I was not under any mental health service as I finished CBT in late 2018 so only a few months prior. With the relationship beginning to show it's aftermath and now dating someone again, what my ex had done to my psychological state and mental well-being began to show. I would say before I met my ex, I was not as bad with my BPD. By that I mean, I could function more in everyday life, I wasn't breaking down as much and wasn't so broken. So, I moved in with my new partner, I got a referral to the mental health services. I had my initial assessment with them, around August/September 2019. I asked them if I was able to see a psychiatrist, as me and my friends had always thought maybe it could be EUPD/BPD. As my friends do have mental health issues and some psychology knowledge. October 2019, I have another assessment, this time it was with a psychiatrist. I finally received my diagnosis, GAD (previously diagnosed) Social Phobia EUPD/BPD As of now, I am waiting for another appointment. What are your guys experiences? Thanks.",5.464131571304094,6.813074528753997,6.207198663955853,75.90038846935813,68.08945686900958,9.333081614870752,31.160180075515537,9.631235645658696,2.9597744408945688,2629,106,479,57,44,862,277,626,0.077,0.8809999999999999,0.042,-0.9402,7,0,1,0,0,2,86.0,1,1,4,9,28,14,2,2,22,0,54,11,0,5,6,87,82,41,1,8,12,4,0,0,3,2,11,1,1,3,22,39,0,2,7,2,0,13,16,10,0,3,44,3,75,4,101,30,16,102,0,1,2,0,34,40,0,17,45,352,97,8,0.11586044661548382,0.06863784179945742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460775945642054,0.06276737275094671,0.0,0.118183615083801,0.12148978033477215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062807226578098,0.05415693878741993,0.06590399209112889,0.0,0.0,0.1451079501447612,0.07062745287901284,0.0,0.09858870654466312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918443532499851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061282494986099424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649736713465032,0.09250513897211887,0.0,0.0,0.03736020158569235,0.05972351652271252,0.0,0.1763938717072116,0.0,0.12104950707415105,0.0,0.05929403826921581,0.0,0.11856546277551445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19549111207895825,0.05130898324941786,0.0,0.0,0.038262366141815385,0.05240120354972768,0.0,0.0,0.10412789869327244,0.056666874333302586,0.0,0.06518760678197398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634597280266864,0.0,0.04927541835189698,0.0,0.0,0.08951349365085852,0.0,0.030266150696502413,0.055571948855929774,0.09876924272492922,0.0,0.23166045802906646,0.0,0.06381667208460245,0.05736002885139866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078855921838057,0.0,0.0,0.1164882226994412,0.0,0.0581087373193628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046410238876016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047220863839718005,0.06534781515405245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183565984499111,0.0,0.0,0.05115344851162706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0492502042518526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05819869566385937,0.06310299600903248,0.0,0.0,0.3502802385616139,0.0,0.058493011490486024,0.0,0.046239351557670984,0.12314131897990654,0.042585379668113967,0.0,0.13403807849974736,0.05594937065668722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0440585452613767,0.0,0.06796863528774695,0.1286493148070532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05823587485932194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03711158443908478,0.0,0.0,0.12439076010330505,0.0656236501855447,0.0,0.0,0.0460684387232253,0.0,0.0,0.09232577544994956,0.0,0.18130157106667505,0.0,0.0,0.04792047935457392,0.06511599817911153,0.0,0.059052567337197985,0.04908409021796959,0.04459751611694133,0.0,0.0,0.04100331022244275,0.0,0.09252630233016552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336626184295667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05333436645080784,0.0,0.0,0.0384862662638007,0.0371193479757054,0.05691615027204744,0.09198025287522156,0.20267747443955766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03933081898622856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05003311310846907,0.0,0.047798501172668435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052086227893794516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434778502733155,0.0,0.0,0.041151968538514924,0.06333760514820776,0.0,0.1119154934796244 bpd,schlechter_papa,2020/01/02,"College admissions essay- hElp So I wrote an essay for my college application, it's just a personal statement about yourself and academic success. I'm super nervous that I fucked it up and I'm too insecure to share it with my boyfriend or mom because shes super judgmental. Would anyone who is in college rn or academically inclined give it a quick read? It's only 500 words and I need some validation here guys. Ngl",2.671645569620253,5.610801544303801,4.518848101265824,76.73548734177217,84.18987341772151,7.210632911392406,30.684810126582278,8.238735603445708,3.0425888607594938,338,18,56,8,10,114,61,79,0.107,0.7040000000000001,0.18899999999999997,0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,6,7,1,2,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,13,9,6,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,4,6,7,1,3,0,0,0,1,9,2,1,3,1,35,13,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352726966032995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051133910229774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31106776915065737,0.0,0.32277961078736106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331653499395076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22553358878784385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940780548847357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24949359609093386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559060890269109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29379893108931343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33656827679362783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23902376399344535,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_Chaotix,2020/01/02,"BPD Diagnosis in works, but I know what I'm expecting. So a lot of things have happened recently that led to the point I'm at now. I've always thought I had bipolar, brought it up and was dismissed. So when I thought I may have bpd I dismissed it, and justified it but saying I didn't meet the criteria. I refused to admit I was toxic, that I DID meet those criterias. Now that I'm older and have read more, and am able to take a step back from myself and acknowledge my behaviors I can see now that I almost meet every criteria for BPD. I'm currently in the process of separating from my partner of 5 years, I damaged him so much. I feel so horrible, but it's what led to my break down and admittance into therapy. I brought up to my therapist that I think I have BPD and she agrees and wants us to work on diagnosing it. I've been reading subreddits in the BPD support groups and relate to everyone so much. But Im also angry, I'm angry that I'm going to be this... Diagnosis. That I'm gonna be my condition, that I'm unlovable and damaged. That whoever I date I'll eventually damaged and break and I feel like I'm a monster. I'm scared for my kids. I don't want to damage them, I don't want them to be... Like me, broken. It's so conflicting because I feel like this broken, damaged, monster, that I'm crazy and unfixable.... But there's also a part of me that thinks this is just the beginning that now that I know the problem I can find the right tools to fix things. I just need some reassurance. That I'm not this monster, that things get better, than I can be a good person and love with this and my kids won't suffer from it. It feels like my whole world is falling apart and I have no control.",3.0601499348109518,4.1004748107344655,4.820000000000004,84.75606258148633,73.4915254237288,8.38400695349848,28.022164276401572,8.841846274778883,2.0401363754889177,1329,51,287,26,26,453,159,354,0.179,0.6940000000000001,0.127,-0.9685,1,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,1,0,2,4,17,18,0,1,12,0,25,3,0,3,0,54,63,30,0,6,8,0,4,4,1,3,2,1,0,4,34,18,0,3,13,2,0,7,6,9,0,0,10,6,42,9,31,46,7,34,0,6,1,1,18,13,0,4,16,191,76,4,0.09743561231888337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756769119232264,0.0,0.0,0.15583844793778776,0.08107423485347373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492197153180483,0.0,0.0593958449049343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617388107500389,0.0,0.0,0.6135837141016282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928232433390897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889509550014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209370574215985,0.09310390308212688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19706549280402907,0.20882406272749848,0.0,0.0,0.0890543844645095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05090608593002265,0.0,0.05537490388538844,0.08172436881176419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616199018753731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524718133941406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709612873811697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19040847406449585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283627326304505,0.08793944425808138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325277227924255,0.07224727193229122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105513273110245,0.0,0.0,0.08507701841008271,0.0,0.0,0.0921081476144754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323272202229746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19492395955869984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962059124450422,0.0,0.0,0.0832094805411855,0.0,0.0774847096950951,0.09755004571120238,0.0,0.07764356798689696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056877819522354,0.0,0.0,0.07325945445223132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142611428445756,0.11313025575138695,0.19419567395901213,0.1248656121927018,0.0,0.1547059850353662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720304468909755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241014584603215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878338152771554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186857244137807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274533978132675 bpd,takhana,2020/01/02,"The heavy darkness doesn’t leave, does it? (CW) A decade ago I tried to take my own life. I was so sad and tired and sick of the world at 20 I couldn’t see how to carry on with it. The weight of my heart in my chest felt like a 5kg block of ice all the time. It was suffocating. Still, I made it through and for a bit I lived off the high of surviving. Went to uni and met a boy. Few years later, he turned out to be a twat and the darkness returned. The weight of my heart grew again and everything went wrong for a while until he left. Again, I survived and felt free for a bit because my chains were no longer binding me. Then I realised that my job didn’t fulfil me, and I still lived in my parents house at 25, so the icy darkness returned. I went back to uni to train for the job I’d always wanted to do. It was fine for a while there as I got used to a new city and a new challenge. Then it returned, I presumed because of stress and deadlines. When I finished uni for my masters I moved in with my new boyfriend in a new city and it faded away again. Two years later, he’s my fiancé. And he’s the most wonderful, caring, sweet and kind fiancé ever. I do the career I worked so fucking hard for. We have a beautiful house, two darling cats, I work in a good place, I’m an aunty for the first time as of October. I’ve been self harm free since May 2017. We’re financially secure and planning a lovely wedding... what I’m saying is: Shit should be damn good. But fuck that icy darkness is back again. I can’t sleep, I have nightmares all the time about the most stupid things - and sometimes about self harming/purging, I feel hatred for my job and cry before I go to work on the drive in most days (when I leave I reflect in the car about how it wasn’t that bad really). No reason why. It’s just not me. Or is it just the icy darkness that won’t leave me? I can’t explain why I feel like crap to anyone and I don’t know myself. I can’t burden my fiancé with my sadness because it just makes him sad but I don’t know what to do anymore :( I feel like I will always have this peak and trough of sadness and happiness, but as we think about growing our family in the next few years I can’t be crying in bed on a Sunday night because I don’t want to get up the next day or changing my career again because I’m bored of it,",2.1320819185059428,3.1994703024193565,3.370284380305602,94.14746604414265,75.81451612903227,6.027504244482174,22.528438030560274,6.05967700443912,0.15098870967741984,1794,47,421,10,38,583,222,496,0.146,0.757,0.09699999999999999,-0.9524,4,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,3,0,0,9,25,31,6,1,35,0,32,14,6,6,3,64,64,39,0,4,9,1,8,3,0,4,3,1,1,3,20,25,2,2,13,0,2,9,15,16,0,3,15,11,54,17,60,41,10,73,0,4,1,3,17,22,5,7,45,264,74,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683817894353178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547885991311167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477724236680222,0.05272192875525858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084144796857138,0.1159569817370984,0.06295644236843491,0.22981786123905154,0.0,0.06416044967452503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16463609082100106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687604782780552,0.0,0.0797639521460546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656482761712494,0.09725443887766204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598366839792341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820425789263679,0.0,0.0,0.06776529521459071,0.0,0.07108107777685901,0.0,0.11437459173969745,0.10773256288234924,0.14479300973959278,0.0,0.0,0.06413580439714564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394134806119971,0.039393758304858376,0.0,0.042851960427961834,0.12648507437846584,0.06030483482291282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026545660101791,0.06754422488714483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787004059653146,0.0,0.07966498864621517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17400458895254614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22447070692748308,0.0,0.0,0.07851823525417306,0.08287651532853765,0.0,0.0,0.2395153908875293,0.08192309074389846,0.0,0.05325775049789749,0.11051093306610717,0.0,0.13316041457230465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805208354318436,0.07134597379092586,0.050330558628210134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013902074763167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912898976893252,0.16037901844822774,0.0707584574361092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372356406360508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877769248589009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04830362481055759,0.07752448662921044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996167001027445,0.0,0.0,0.06008460276060546,0.0,0.1573187671492707,0.0,0.07739774405837227,0.06237224549883686,0.0,0.07545516230230623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457322900634937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043020691289988,0.0,0.08637125719191609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05669194929274535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050092880540233135,0.04831372965964429,0.0,0.0,0.13190027899440995,0.086662022887219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05119213185093509,0.08201431932903341,0.14731107271594482,0.0,0.0,0.06512200328343841,0.0,0.0,0.0889465832448186,0.0,0.0,0.18363550052795727,0.0,0.2096916374287211,0.13607482374588206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176885232788042,0.16467784210006106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243883848451818,0.0,0.1456667530970418 bpd,nlsimon,2020/01/02,"Is a successful relationship possible? I was dumped July 2019. In November 2019, I found out he was back with his ex, and most likely cheating on me with her while we were together. My world has been turned upside down. I didn’t get any closure, and this is the first relationship that has ended where I haven’t made any desperate pleas or acted irrationally. I’ve just been sitting with it (even though i had to be hospitalized after finding out—couldn’t emotionally handle it). What I’m scared of is not being able to find someone who will love me and be able to work with me and my BPD symptoms. I’m terrified of it. I have always been left—never the one to initiate a breakup, even if the red flags are violently waving in my face. I only feel validated when I’m with someone, but feel completely worthless in everyone’s eyes due to one person’s opinion. Thank you for reading. I know this was scattered, but I’m in a bad place and still can’t make sense of things.",5.574561403508773,6.159395526315793,6.359736842105267,77.66732456140353,67.42105263157895,9.701754385964913,31.096491228070178,9.725611199111238,2.8170701754385967,770,29,149,16,12,254,125,190,0.126,0.8220000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.9174,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,1,0,3,8,10,3,1,6,0,22,4,2,2,0,28,36,12,0,1,6,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,9,12,0,0,6,1,0,1,4,6,0,3,11,4,18,4,22,21,1,20,0,1,2,1,11,10,0,4,9,100,27,3,0.29369176210467485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218753661380913,0.0,0.0,0.1997204693508319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291541827395896,0.12261017692215248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18494724660165549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396511242357344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518185126864166,0.13006186444569534,0.0,0.0,0.19398063899716111,0.0,0.0,0.14031753228749086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849937937020785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684289498887886,0.1249070314068651,0.0,0.161008929080676,0.0,0.0,0.07672091200961667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070265587480413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15954847942861372,0.0,0.0,0.07174148001021274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253414089571214,0.1389491232365858,0.09802076587938913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990131388046724,0.11168290966913136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282201592252251,0.1534226911471209,0.0,0.0,0.16554666688744288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688561963324412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31531504142671984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470183444044627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488440769654999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727131029695415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262909669701774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351959579066637,0.0,0.0,0.09755787834443544,0.0,0.14427533255665995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972615072868965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106905550332104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ThatBloodyValentine,2020/01/02,"I know this sounds cliché, but does anyone else feel like they have missed the ""best years"" of their lives? Basically, I didn't have a ""normal"" adolescence, I lived on a ""never"" basis: *never* had boyfriends, *never* been invited to parties, *never* had best friends, *never* had sexual experiences and it all seems like an abnormal thing. I was a constant target of bullying throughout my teens because of my punk/goth look, and when depression started to form on me, it consumed me a lot and deprived me of so many things. I felt like I couldn't fit into anything. I just turned 19 and I started therapy in June, after being hospitalized for attempting suicide, and since then, I've been trying not to give so much importance to those wasted years, but no matter how much I try to leave it behind, it still haunts me. College is about to start soon, and I'm tired of searching and thinking I'm the only person going through all this ""bell jar"" thing. I'm wondering if anyone has been in this type of position and how you've been dealing/dealt with it.",9.195,7.353698803030305,8.663737373737373,72.13227272727272,60.96969696969697,11.628282828282833,37.151515151515156,10.25414643259724,3.6594606060606067,825,30,150,14,9,263,127,198,0.17800000000000002,0.6759999999999999,0.147,-0.7991,0,0,0,0,0,1,40.0,0,0,2,3,9,9,0,0,7,0,15,1,0,2,7,34,32,17,1,3,5,0,2,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,12,10,0,0,6,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,10,4,17,6,23,20,8,24,0,3,1,0,5,6,0,4,20,109,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727570751377125,0.12657619628067654,0.1016587711765184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530578349355854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25928470169177753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349743793511953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064005061518203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810630252354897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319763275522296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084092504682205,0.0,0.0,0.06246300292092818,0.08825342177370547,0.1186129635882461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954428270855376,0.0,0.0,0.11850601935280344,0.07020778186831128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789159996510895,0.0,0.0,0.13080571771275964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18105886884246405,0.0,0.2181673194509417,0.0,0.1037382787930828,0.0,0.0,0.1050250311237158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524509060905034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816248640183329,0.0,0.4763890011572725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103806155936672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395392684422564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786598858761144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246161554475556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218942057459976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623161059555668,0.0,0.09865520285250833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351272288784409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127302762110866,0.0,0.24621347506630314,0.07915623367782991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198529865070775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16774429876580682,0.13437059551127456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396842736072312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910496703481766 bpd,h00dies,2020/01/02,"Journaling tips? Hi guys! I’m wanting to start journaling to cope with stress and life and such. My issue is that I always get rambly and really off topic, and I end up going down a rabbit hole. Then I feel worse. Anyone have tips for focused journaling that won’t just be me venting into the void? I already vent enough to my friends and want this to be a tool for healing and listening to my inner voice.",2.9631216931216926,4.8713115555555575,4.2191534391534375,85.42333333333333,75.41975308641976,7.097707231040566,23.917107583774253,7.957251820313856,1.3524589065255728,320,10,62,5,7,105,59,81,0.07200000000000001,0.8340000000000001,0.094,0.1906,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,5,2,0,0,0,12,13,7,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,2,2,0,1,3,8,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,8,1,12,10,1,9,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,41,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069845522663719,0.0,0.231472572338222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19451372886337454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24638973139710404,0.2874399247739832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065891778346384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149253820704159,0.0,0.1453404115276463,0.0,0.15809919721719676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754473233843822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903533261283761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19649060428556533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17821271720037032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19690108733960196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186604834016329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32816196192140545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834947309835879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jaiheko,2020/01/02,"Help! Am I dissociating? Curious if someone could shine light on something ive been experiencing since i was a child. From time to time i will experience what i call an ""internal panic attack"". My mind starts racing, yet i remain calm and collective. My muscles feel rigid, but i can move freely but it hurts. Over time i have noticed that it occurs when memories are triggered. Things that ive tucked deep away. Recently i have been reading books on BPD and these ""attacks"" are more frequent (while im reading and i have to stop). Is this dissociation? Is it supposed to be painful and debilitating? It feels like im dancing in between a memory and my brain is trying to protect me by shoving it back inside. I've never been able to explain it properly, but im hoping someone here can help.",2.9139000000000017,5.581797640000001,4.428916666666666,80.00737500000002,79.26666666666667,6.95,28.04166666666667,8.07648339933343,2.198166666666668,626,28,113,12,16,208,100,150,0.073,0.775,0.152,0.9068,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,2,2,3,0,20,2,1,1,1,19,25,11,0,3,4,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,12,5,0,3,3,4,0,2,1,6,0,0,4,5,15,3,13,18,1,20,0,1,1,0,5,6,0,2,13,77,27,3,0.14119598579784845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212616351187779,0.13265827654470935,0.108570997570478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17783140131258626,0.15762141646652025,0.14417688815720786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273350543765075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381167674957705,0.0,0.0,0.14278586576815275,0.10087044046627487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892813859933088,0.0,0.0,0.1402394728499234,0.0,0.0,0.15115322308143514,0.0,0.457547682043462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689812265761021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256769520479828,0.0,0.0,0.15006898759435275,0.0,0.0,0.10889904870371847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607525656715432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024248394610198,0.165663066959131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824683908737198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941400196472747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679877853103775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23926980113644905,0.1086995680789206,0.0,0.0,0.09993924547946773,0.0,0.0,0.11804616646472775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380433898775586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24699754436029525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958628060088129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GoopyDumpy,2020/01/02,"I must not stay up too late Don't know about you guys, but I find I'm most vulnerable at night, like my brain is more unhinged and my thoughts become more volatile and unpredictable. I made the mistake of staying up too late last night. I thought 'well it's new year's eve, so it's okay to stay up later', so I stayed up til 2:30am browsing on my phone, but once I tried to get to sleep, it got very difficult. I got paranoid about the chair in my room looking like a demon because of how black it was (I guess i've been watching too many ghost videos). The sounds of birds chirping outside weirdly triggered me, reminding me of my anxiety phases as a teenager. I'd completely underestimated how bad my mind can get when i'm really tired. So lesson learned, won't be staying up really late again",6.006352201257862,5.748006742138365,6.142767295597483,82.4882389937107,66.48427672955975,9.330817610062894,33.38993710691824,8.841846274778883,2.5193069182389936,628,25,131,9,9,200,105,159,0.191,0.74,0.069,-0.9678,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,1,13,8,0,0,5,1,8,3,2,4,1,20,20,12,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,1,1,4,2,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,4,1,0,7,4,17,4,19,10,3,27,1,0,3,0,3,9,0,2,15,72,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030526366575402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856391227295797,0.07196006210567524,0.1303731054136892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177895514988022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376952888379204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789237946030816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334886761672953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18882516945083735,0.0,0.13004154898385428,0.11688461271853424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487527947120808,0.0962236681651441,0.39948484437159776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534313251253793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912934489719012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169847019950647,0.0,0.11968064178535645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919333256471193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140100633142054,0.0,0.22155732213989385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571568974905648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124724521221486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813177044189453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6291094115011033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18743149978054727,0.0,0.1356771078528349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014583739171185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740074072430534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061379970904083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601808770853719 bpd,charlottekathryn,2020/01/02,"Been off of my meds for about a week and I feel like I'm going insane I was previously on a low dosages of Quetiapine and a high dosages of Venlafaxine for around 2 months. Recently I believed my medication to be giving me horrific tooth pains and headaches so I gradually came off of them and have been completely off for about a week. I feel like everything is rushing back, I feel everything and nothing at once. I can't stop thinking about overdosing or slitting my arms open. I'm so worried as I have a tendency to ghost employers/no longer attend and I really need this Job and I'm worried it'll go to nothing and I'll put myself in such a worse position. I've been discharged from primary mental health because i missed an appointment and now i feel like a failure and what do i do now.",4.112573839662447,5.620321797468356,5.452594936708863,79.42146624472574,71.53164556962025,9.570464135021098,32.154008438818565,9.928628108626363,3.3047578059071725,636,30,124,17,12,213,95,158,0.184,0.74,0.076,-0.9505,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,10,6,0,0,8,0,12,5,2,0,0,21,26,14,1,1,1,0,4,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,13,0,1,5,0,0,6,1,3,0,0,5,4,18,3,22,19,0,24,0,2,0,0,2,10,0,1,11,79,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043266075002388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266379649119622,0.0,0.08931640807064826,0.0,0.0,0.16507634264518106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757830064922766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362201511530954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633630270416014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963369239060331,0.3140188548776825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055403837938302,0.16653984871219168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574247162881033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548049963677027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14539715024577315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147448318591197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274918800354096,0.1476021236250947,0.1476563359389759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694978720871665,0.0,0.0,0.1086417211881356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811771893595538,0.0,0.0,0.15603757859492162,0.0,0.0,0.15590617213079852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729171027012986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386359792948393,0.0,0.14466948906112126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249615065491755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388323367101536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350568436055199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975935990791517,0.14931502006252673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Melzinha6666,2020/01/03,"I'm really down I'm Melissa 19 yo from Brazil. Depression, anxiety and borderline. Tooking 4 different remedies per day. Nothing is solving my sittuation, I hate myself, nobody understands me. I'm about going crazy. I'm about to end with my life.",2.403619047619049,5.337411266666667,4.486031746031745,74.35000000000002,91.88888888888887,8.793650793650794,30.87301587301588,8.841846274778883,4.2003015873015865,197,11,30,7,7,67,36,45,0.285,0.715,0.0,-0.9106,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,6,8,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540844078716224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21420131959918928,0.0,0.28606968783459696,0.0,0.0,0.34701317246163416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29417539126788234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887614915475069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279171857053543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23459865826554574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31869505144302285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21277589578941195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690171714609035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457670271480384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_Throwawayblowaway_,2020/01/03,"Ohhh my word, my mood swings are off the hook today I keep alternating between ""everything is going to be fiiiiine, don't sweat it!"" To ""everything is crumbling around me, everyone hates me, I'm a failure."" Then to ""holy crap I fucking hate everyone, I don't even care if everyone hates me back."" Then back to ""everything's gonna be fiiiiine, silly."" Aaaaand repeat! All day long. I'm gonna give myself emotional whiplash. I have a lot of real life stressors going on so I'm trying to be kind to myself, but gaaaaahhh. I wish my brain would just choose a mood and stick to it so I can at least stop surprising myself. It's bad enough being in this current externally stressful and unstable situation. I just wish my brain could stay level for one day. Even if I'm just going to be raging all day, at least I could kinda plan to stay away from people. But I keep getting my hopes up that the negative feelings are gone for the day, only for them to be back and stronger than ever 30 minutes later. Imma gonna go play Paper Mario and tune out the world because Paper Mario never lets me down. #nostalgia",3.784746732026143,5.417193013888895,5.207886710239652,80.35519607843138,72.56481481481481,8.045315904139434,27.057734204793032,8.671277953709913,2.0462753812636163,865,31,165,16,17,290,127,216,0.16,0.7390000000000001,0.1,-0.9336,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,1,1,12,16,6,1,7,0,18,6,4,0,4,32,43,12,0,8,7,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,3,2,1,0,5,4,8,0,1,1,1,22,6,27,29,6,36,0,0,0,1,2,12,2,5,17,109,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566957295020136,0.0,0.0,0.10097000691224332,0.2479094707249349,0.08973154280995582,0.0655116791180178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399403327809455,0.0,0.0,0.10957109578001764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160938796675448,0.0,0.0,0.2772326553822107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208873743649408,0.0,0.11104348355142844,0.0,0.14196359918416773,0.09721123139548442,0.0,0.3080717026475677,0.28975673941318864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433920230646929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993527130282422,0.056147751950319236,0.10309338742964594,0.2443068494327807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183080955406761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067402721627688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910455285110537,0.0,0.11191169835868166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989361949791596,0.0759080395743594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510606500936536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136570684408628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288617933797285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282330240716221,0.08173448600827743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450498874847572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232245492797353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079887364668075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22909382060210806,0.0,0.08984831217741869,0.12310457628641246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186738389628536,0.0,0.0,0.07296392232319338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471664860366133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634239797910249,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,stenpen22,2020/01/03,"I want to run away and disappear completely, but I also want everything to go back to normal I’m just so sick of myself. I don’t want to be alive and I’ve messed up everything. I have no friends and the people who could be my friends will never be because I’m constantly exhausted and too tired to talk to people or do things. I just want to end it all but it scares me too much. I have genuinely nothing left to live for and I wish I would die in my sleep soon.",1.9799242424242431,3.3083659191919215,3.658472222222226,90.87437500000004,76.67676767676767,7.77828282828283,23.48611111111111,8.472884824447931,1.2288474747474742,362,11,84,7,8,121,62,99,0.239,0.589,0.172,-0.9003,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,1,0,10,4,1,0,2,20,18,10,1,8,5,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,12,2,13,12,2,12,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,5,60,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415963898020196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663555450665562,0.1361497220504704,0.0,0.10793533071038834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18564610203258106,0.19134108223904456,0.0,0.14136957175094486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18376236566101087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682434661565833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182637550553915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735952705755485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062839536152196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19237834354097846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634895942056404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130160917618797,0.0,0.13656110328126406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348313232903384,0.1698957312397474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455049453290157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17726991612804593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17718983748686856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231570084305672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763210218291115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035066824208565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4177429389660177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036125219964721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577974010182616,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TeenageData42,2020/01/03,"My psychiatrist stripped me of my BPD diagnosis, the only identity I have I'm 16 years old and got diagnosed with BPD when I was 15, about a year ago. My psychiatrist gave me a sheet with a lost of diagnoses to give when I was checking out. I said,""why is it marked bipolar disorder when I have bpd?"" She told me,""It's for insurance records. We can't give you a BPD diagnosis until you're 18, they should have never given you that."" I said okay and left. I was upset. I check all the boxes, I KNOW I have BPD. Knowing that I have BPD has actually helped me understand myself more and try to get better. She told me I had symptoms but refuses to give me the diagnosis. I don't really know who the fuck I am as a person, but BPD was the one thing I had to help me understand myself a bit more. Now I feel even more lost.",0.9896515450361604,3.1756113609467502,3.362790927021699,87.67569197896124,83.31952662721893,7.305851413543722,21.814924391847462,8.344100000000001,1.3150589086127549,636,21,140,15,18,219,96,169,0.084,0.87,0.045,-0.7227,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,2,1,3,6,6,1,1,11,1,17,5,0,0,2,19,37,10,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,5,7,0,1,6,0,2,0,3,4,0,1,14,2,33,2,13,22,5,12,0,2,0,1,18,2,1,0,10,95,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.08623907849095598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833713112807973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815853615292698,0.09648017973346737,0.0,0.7791168974228543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17939300866041466,0.0,0.0,0.10128285407925924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05836938308185585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04468392931731891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169920458897327,0.04617112642405729,0.25432564933553525,0.0,0.0,0.07067977954891427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184688138046171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145702094626523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601727640491632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19293864207500366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681585305215211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273235932934804,0.0,0.059883678068420425,0.0672114760717871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716369665885313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05661386127744592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812548850779446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185314844412107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05871094355785455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888794340571472,0.0,0.05999931190406463,0.0,0.0,0.1839983465857228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974268209803675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138183367523648 bpd,ObeselyMorbid,2020/01/03,"Normal to feel completely unwanted? I've been unemployed and painfully single for about 8 months, and I'm getting desperate. Is it normal for people with BPD to feel extremely unwanted and ugly, with no self confidence? I usually end up hiding in my basement due to fear of interacting with people who in my mind would reject me based on my lack of confidence (or looks, depending on the sex of the person I'm talking to). I tried meeting people through online dating, but ended up having so many people ghost, cancel or block me after agreeing to meet that I started cutting... How am I supposed to overcome this? I've always felt like suicide is the best solution, but I'm too big of a pussy to carry though. Is there a secret way to gain enough confidence to not be alone until I work up the balls to kill myself?",7.884615384615383,7.105896051282053,8.353461538461541,69.90403846153849,62.84615384615386,11.133333333333335,35.52564102564102,10.411451182825502,3.7706564102564086,648,25,110,13,8,216,104,156,0.218,0.623,0.16,-0.7918,2,1,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,3,6,7,2,1,6,0,8,2,0,2,0,25,17,11,3,6,5,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,6,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,4,11,2,30,13,4,18,0,1,1,1,8,8,0,3,10,77,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530713772612285,0.0,0.0,0.13280775462354485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750015232288662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20102237286774927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734735340450033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827329964721216,0.16491911163718387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17960487843542491,0.16140655326803913,0.0,0.15324999383972734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338929107697729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17658408356861005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797705999786468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340316446452844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181881628826505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115993110788238,0.0,0.12739865022541158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127665244540539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983558812148072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4426120710179731,0.13936471686140073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16650734824739782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297231040530065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17458670930006653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828793938163272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681536346031666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083642629558945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757871355357767,0.0,0.0,0.1266904627003171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619749845088954,0.0,0.0,0.11338189376177908,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,scarm17,2020/01/03,"Cerebral palsy and BPD I have a form of cerebral palsy called “Right-sided Hemiplegia”, a side effect of hemiplegia is “quick emotional change” , upon finding this sub I realised that it’s basically BPD, every post I find myself relating to too much. So yeah maybe I will kill myself and I seem a bit more certain about it than I have been previous times I’ve planned it but there’s also the possibility I’ll just not or change my mind. But regardless the thought of it creeps up more and more",2.8045263157894738,5.408760663157898,4.013947368421054,83.20513157894737,79.21052631578947,7.1684210526315795,25.28947368421053,8.238735603445708,1.8780315789473685,393,15,73,8,10,128,67,95,0.034,0.91,0.055999999999999994,-0.0276,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,7,2,1,0,5,1,5,0,0,1,1,16,7,8,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,9,1,8,4,6,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,2,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524363377134636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20810438327349987,0.0,0.4801508510691338,0.0,0.1946412586365956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032950001675876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144184569523173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606030349796261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484409503491955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21088945673353413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19150038671592495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19246882069838311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012542002642395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21489201504271696,0.18255838463216773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16278586760311767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353054825652536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132859761642148,0.11115029953579228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MarziNam,2020/01/03,"I cant see who I am Tried to air my concerns with some things today in my relationship with my partner. Was informed on demanding and selfish. I feel like it takes someone else to point these things out, I'm not able to see myself as these things potentially when they are happening. I'm struggling to see what I should be to be a 'mentally healthy' person. Any tips?",4.806249999999999,5.9089215694444475,5.267666666666667,82.944,69.41666666666667,8.537777777777778,31.06666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.4039300000000003,291,12,58,5,5,93,53,72,0.10800000000000001,0.8190000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,9,15,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,9,1,11,11,1,7,0,0,3,0,6,5,0,1,3,40,17,0,0.21721588520420287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477142505889486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18145599955450448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098308781663338,0.15517907179166862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19208328991959936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612070951260733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21890252256439446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18966453255304147,0.0,0.0,0.20533922189679887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332085699335815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5192788124168628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404631464133075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22708120584043545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633193128231041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4329257467360165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20589526078677964,0.0,0.0,0.14747532762847407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bizzarestranger,2020/01/03,"I haven’t split in a over month! I’ve been struggling with splitting for so long, and finally I’ve learned how to manage it. Here’s what works for me. So I usually split on my fiancé whenever we have a small argument or disagreement. Now whenever we do and I feel it coming on, I stop, get some space, and try my best to think about all the good times. I look through pictures, texts, every good memory, and I try to remind myself that even though things aren’t good right now, that doesn’t mean they won’t be. So far it’s working!",4.331494102228047,4.7396277064220165,4.8810222804718215,87.80247706422018,70.10091743119267,8.797378768020971,26.580602883355173,8.841846274778883,1.6390933158584533,416,12,92,7,7,133,75,109,0.092,0.784,0.124,0.6688,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,0,1,3,10,5,0,1,3,0,8,0,0,1,1,17,14,10,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,2,13,4,12,11,3,17,0,0,1,0,3,8,0,2,8,60,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21325416688877386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17504562307480415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421690948772094,0.0,0.17121143028720753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274802610690242,0.0,0.0,0.22260433505613414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616774701067798,0.0,0.0,0.5113234667781221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17983260768889936,0.1706434670009363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213529887920958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219861677619662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735384466825887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16989091362070766,0.0,0.21243703096632333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350023073979132,0.13020742494160065,0.19965074196246427,0.0,0.11849216774009705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759296668892372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22380480625583227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958755605062007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,putitinthebagg,2020/01/03,Brain spotting? Has anyone here had success with this?,3.846666666666668,6.370183111111113,1.898333333333337,89.46750000000002,106.7777777777778,1.8,26.722222222222207,3.1291,0.579622222222222,44,2,6,0,2,12,9,9,0.0,0.6629999999999999,0.337,0.6199,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5308265988293381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8474804552172734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,alt111113,2020/01/03,"If WW3 happens, are we exempt from conscription? Under normal circumstances I imagine I wouldn't be allowed to serve for being 'too volatile' or something but would that change in a world war? Anyone know the details or have experience of serving with a BPD diagnosis?",6.191170212765957,8.828526787234047,6.064840425531916,72.50875,68.36170212765958,8.104255319148937,35.15425531914894,8.841846274778883,3.5455574468085107,217,11,32,4,4,68,43,47,0.125,0.8490000000000001,0.025,-0.7711,1,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,0,12,8,4,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,7,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,0,25,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25892897989811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4663917931832048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917383003511529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622337021783397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274634266217121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035123911261304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628246401304111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850823088631845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26305721095459,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ohsweetwin,2020/01/03,"I am so fucking sick of not having a reason to live but having a mile long list of reasons to die. I suck. I'm a broken piece of shit that has only ever had one fleeting reason to live and that's the love/affection of a partner. I started my life over last summer and moved somewhere a little more rural but not rural enough that I should be this fucking alone. I'm fucking doomed, I can't move again and even if I could I have nowhere I could go. I'm so fucking sick of being alone and having every piece of shit in this valley mock me with their connections. Everywhere I fucking go it's traumatic, seeing all these happy fucking people who don't deserve what they have. I was on such an upswing for a while and here I am, on the depressive tail end of yet another bullshit cycle of moods, obsessing over suicide and unable to get out of bed because HEY I MIGHT UNLEASH ALL OF THIS IN A RAGE FILLED EPISODE AGAINST MY ROOMMATE IF SHE EVEN LOOKS AT ME SO BETTER HIDE.",4.484841858648967,5.139353751269038,5.294619289340101,84.09344006247561,69.86294416243655,7.482858258492776,29.367044123389306,7.321109707123232,1.6832916048418582,767,28,151,7,13,250,121,197,0.33299999999999996,0.619,0.048,-0.9974,0,2,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,2,1,10,17,11,1,10,0,18,11,2,3,3,24,34,14,2,5,6,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,1,10,8,0,0,3,0,0,5,4,14,0,1,2,2,19,2,25,26,6,24,1,2,2,6,6,10,9,3,9,112,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23113106544219386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700369099366498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801948813764105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098685409575995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817865281828982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961056061072893,0.0,0.1158047320461026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882873118663094,0.11529426529553535,0.0,0.1473980133113172,0.10093250989398088,0.0940128362992602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6189358089655498,0.058297106701537225,0.0,0.1268294987295411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878135240881707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095440531593343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881382475448834,0.0,0.11183470224211382,0.1970582963084584,0.09874675703348056,0.0937009655359202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070731370379736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118371106568812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371884909952963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561100281530525,0.08486330950945149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735706467304118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441753310788526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889165860019633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290750991013077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789784725227781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220528426286889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LORDFARQUAAD777,2020/01/03,"My therapist told me I exhibit almost no emotion when talking about traumatic events She first mentioned this a few sessions ago, and then brought it up again today. I didn’t even realize I did this until she mentioned it a few weeks ago. And then today I was explaining current issues and how they relate to past childhood trauma and she said, “I am noticing you are emotionally distant from what you’re explaining to me.” and of course we delved into that but now I’m totally in my head about how I’ve been emotionally distant my entire life. My mom has severe bipolar mania so I’ve grown up with a mom who adores me some days and hates me on others. And that’s just the quickest I can sum it up, there is so much more. She said it is a coping mechanism to be monotone and distant when speaking about serious events. Does anyone else experience this? Aside from delving into more in future sessions, where the fuck do I go from here?",4.015819521178635,5.981293491712713,4.827602209944754,81.94313443830572,72.646408839779,7.478600368324125,28.64125230202579,8.238735603445708,2.118126777163905,746,30,136,12,15,241,115,181,0.109,0.872,0.019,-0.9339,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,1,1,1,16,5,2,0,6,0,12,4,1,2,1,22,22,18,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,12,12,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,4,0,1,8,3,22,1,20,13,7,32,0,0,0,1,19,9,1,2,20,105,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610072711876281,0.0,0.14742181021899367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294121543754503,0.15084658593817224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494616738357092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883517701792493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298529293381187,0.4968156236222625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723890305729882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401160344953795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522716474116666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610459140444633,0.0,0.0,0.08366979347082383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453514855099329,0.1510924950011478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153661772218572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398742415462674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448498234837621,0.0,0.0,0.10822528825995724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16761349951007942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054028954799996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800841334153541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631922951615066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833166229486825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093637134994058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27909894435801896,0.14067716231765173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809280307661185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ibael,2020/01/03,"I block people when I get upset but I can’t handle being blocked I recently went through something very traumatic on Christmas, a guy broke into my house and raped my mom. This is one of the most traumatizing things we’ve ever had to go through and I’m having a hard time coping and dealing with it. One of my best friends/ex fwbs and I got into a fight?? Or something and haven’t spoken in about a week, I felt like I couldn’t talk to him about what happened and that he didn’t care, he hasn’t asked how either of us are doing since it happened and I was just upset that it felt like he didn’t care and it turned into an argument, honestly idk if you could even call it that, and I find out today that he blocked me on Facebook. I deactivated my Instagram and deleted my Snapchat a little bit after our fight and I think he assumed I blocked him on those bc I left him on read on our FB conversation bc I just needed space I guess, and now I see that he blocked me and I don’t know if I was overreacting during the argument or what? I’m at a loss right now, I miss my best friend and I haven’t talked to him a week when we usually talk every day. I feel like everything is going to shit and my BPD is getting impossible to control and hide now",2.425652490003636,3.8210322595419854,3.9581570338058896,88.90601781170488,75.6412213740458,6.9752090149036725,24.68993093420575,7.62386473244151,1.046896910214468,980,32,217,13,21,326,141,262,0.226,0.6459999999999999,0.129,-0.9745,0,1,2,0,2,0,15.0,4,1,0,4,12,18,4,2,10,0,19,2,1,2,1,50,42,24,0,5,8,1,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,15,22,0,6,7,1,0,3,8,9,0,2,9,5,39,9,25,30,5,32,0,3,1,1,27,15,1,7,17,145,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134077526877475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25461310131459264,0.0,0.1324382582195701,0.0,0.15278472610225385,0.0,0.12387028502718785,0.0,0.2473656856731001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605861439477904,0.0968555475788143,0.0,0.0,0.07823441643231846,0.1250644874525977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012360103461025,0.10973114185856198,0.10220825665898843,0.0,0.10902491211010387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061337590638207436,0.08666333675998955,0.23295176551695426,0.0,0.11087443673872756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372320867340923,0.0,0.12675812960818073,0.0,0.13788565974986747,0.0,0.09702207148308536,0.0,0.13363579122398295,0.12011520798240795,0.21454669947526628,0.0,0.10866924077504046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997456188474955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666683792276907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318028312258942,0.0,0.0,0.1777966837831133,0.12158371558707524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207590174781776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899492554978561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440454487279474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410054447586512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213420560532106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977822784829174,0.0,0.0,0.10359741793513576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666774879975827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452217933623765,0.10034824702064248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18677954077614026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925112871920019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805924608008636,0.07773005508459588,0.0,0.0,0.07073638642083489,0.0,0.1149869638787758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194960530021602,0.0,0.0,0.14592006493679582,0.0,0.13360497626203416,0.10009281767406997,0.0,0.0,0.19461389096900175,0.0,0.0,0.11245486975053516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,markahc,2020/01/03,"My ex (BPD, 30, gay) says he in an abusive relationship. Is it true? **TLDR:** My ex(BPD not diagnosed) says he is in an abusive relationship, but now he says didn't mean that and was just upset. Is this BPD style of drama or is he actually in trouble? My gut says he is trying to make drama, but I don't want to ignore this. &#x200B; **What happened:** I received this message ""I've been in an abusive relationship."" He had just broken up with his boyfriend. I asked for clarification. Nothing. I asked for a phone call. He called and said ""I'm not in a mood to talk about it, I'll call you tomorrow."" Now 36 hours later, they are back together, I messaged- * Me: You're back in an abusive relationship? * Him: Yes. * M: Are you ok? * H: Yes * M: I don't believe you. Call me.(20 minutes later) * H: I'm really fine and safe lol. No worries. He's not really abusive."" * M: Then call me and and convince me. * H: I'm with him now and I'm busy. * M: So you will call later? * H: No &#x200B; **Additional information:** We've stayed in touch over messenger. But anytime I ask him to call, he says he cannot because his boyfriend gets very jealous. This is the first time he had been able to call me for a brief minute when he was broken up. Is this a clue that he's actually abusive?",-1.53030183727034,-0.59001538188976,1.2058818897637806,93.95706430446195,122.11023622047243,4.0555380577427815,18.406561679790027,5.985473137389443,0.14887632545931773,959,36,207,15,60,326,124,254,0.187,0.7170000000000001,0.096,-0.9839,0,0,0,0,0,0,89.0,0,4,1,1,10,10,1,1,9,4,20,3,1,1,1,26,33,13,0,1,9,1,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,10,9,0,2,3,2,0,2,9,4,0,1,8,7,24,5,22,24,0,27,0,0,0,1,51,10,0,1,14,111,34,0,0.06859817722733383,0.4876657365446377,0.13388385113569684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865219273160096,0.16670858755174414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19239010690294436,0.0,0.0,0.105495527950081,0.0,0.04181681213252123,0.0,0.0,0.07728665490507712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591910084743742,0.0,0.5603712694809112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962570590545712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058349574506175075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03583971631592861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066114157317199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755538651839506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045789815972821266,0.0,0.0,0.07472352524532468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658218011526976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878914977770948,0.0,0.0,0.2945950807639618,0.0,0.0,0.06525257536771584,0.27276011930201216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311652964642969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05513661640256056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040000148793186564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04657365943474489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566006803948473,0.04046098224616816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966477880912059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16670858755174414,0.0 bpd,randomcacti,2020/01/03,Why won't therapists help people with BPD? I finally agreed to see a therapist as the past few months have been crazy. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about a year ago and now I was also diagnosed with BPD. Now all of the sudden no therapists will try to help anyone with BPD. This makes no sense...,3.709152542372877,5.709495847457628,4.612000000000002,83.01393220338984,73.57627118644069,9.465762711864409,25.359322033898305,9.888512548439397,2.547451525423729,241,8,47,7,5,78,43,59,0.226,0.741,0.034,-0.8725,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,6,3,0,1,1,7,8,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,3,0,9,3,2,8,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,8,31,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751236725212085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405648680176574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846970015981973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5861380751991154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149050384426369,0.0,0.0,0.17779110398769424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993607459594606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079591988783489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035497132250431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382236955488014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808804231473868,0.10754681334941373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361761034804132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5403496607629864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532230750110863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997966007212845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998978945113969 bpd,yourfreudianfantasy,2020/01/03,"Does a fear of relapse ever disappear? I am somewhat a quiet borderline and tend to mask my symptoms well, they only become obvious when I’m engaged in any form of intense romantic relationship. I am now single and in DBT, so I’ve arguably experienced a period of mental stability. I am recently becoming romantically involved with my school best friend. Now my symptoms are beginning to manifest but I’m implementing any skills I can and openly communicating with him to ensure my symptoms are managed. However, I feel as though I’m living in constant fear of relapsing. I am haunted by this fear in my dreams where I have an unjustified, extreme emotional reactions to minuscule issues. In my dream I am extremely distressed and sobbing. Does the fear of relapse ever disappear?",6.481422924901185,8.854018130434785,8.114321475625825,59.23179841897234,66.97101449275362,11.684848484848485,40.08168642951252,11.389717465364855,5.933831884057972,634,38,88,23,11,220,87,138,0.207,0.6409999999999999,0.153,-0.9265,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,2,9,10,0,5,5,0,9,3,0,0,3,13,15,9,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,3,16,4,18,15,4,18,0,1,0,0,5,7,1,1,9,67,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18203394933370068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956353788072145,0.0,0.0,0.14045865158730186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463537571157087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23425162196568036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055394593462354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421350377181899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6024366830404158,0.06767440660495777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340579840341384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969600620532904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181847109010025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488099673061438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179267646541933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321525741309011,0.14369594278891615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13545498908488754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173384532687266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149883265389226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033980043696642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lorenzo_Falvino,2020/01/03,"Does anyone take medicine? I started hearing about antidepressants, anxiolytics, antipsychotics and mood stabilizers, but I'm not sure I want to take it, I don't know what could happen, I don't want to risk becoming different, and in my state it is illegal to drive if you take some types of medicine. I am a truck and trailer driver and I am young for my type of driving license, I don't want to lose it, I want to drive, driving makes me happy. My FP has a lot of knowledge about driving licenses and psychic requirements, she said that there are no problems regarding the disorder and also for some medicines, but I will go to her to ask more specifically. In the meantime, is anyone taking these medicines or something? How do you feel? Are there any changes? Gets better?",5.829379310344829,7.137923006896553,5.771206896551725,79.5119827586207,67.20689655172413,9.110344827586207,34.5,9.3871,3.1964344827586206,616,29,113,12,10,193,91,145,0.152,0.757,0.091,-0.7599,1,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,0,3,6,7,0,1,4,0,13,0,0,2,1,27,32,12,0,7,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,1,3,0,0,6,5,3,0,0,1,3,17,3,16,29,4,11,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,5,2,76,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133220745105563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132858771224826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232965073398524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557377384788358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18398388497970314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733397049787328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622852013365062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300734369179942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404950222265178,0.1909248275281977,0.0,0.14578269910025696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423213954372884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703560370047801,0.0,0.0946760706793665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731364030453234,0.17733653178002426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18775732119252064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155267045593868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18636989441021387,0.0,0.14162756613536567,0.0,0.0,0.11119910217473017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940267450544296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846379028441082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824794859784874,0.0,0.0,0.11791218165515492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700766835631308,0.0,0.5010152109343118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930328002673895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dogmomdrinkstea,2020/01/03,"FML ""New decade, new me! This'll be the year my life gets a lot better!"" Jan 1: eats traditional ""good luck in the new year"" meal Jan 2: gets raped without a condom Jan 3: has to go to walk-in clinic for STD preventatives/testing Edit - spent 2 hours bouncing between a couple clinics for STD testing and 3 hrs at the hospital for a PeP prescription since apparently this is my only option when the clinics who provide it are closed. Still at the hospital. Today I've been asked for 3 urine samples, 2 blood tests, finger prick, throat swab, and rectal swab. Waiting for my latest blood results to check my liver function before I can start antiretrovirals for a month. I'm fucking tired, and have to be up early to travel. Plus I fell in the shower yesterday, so my back hurts like a MF. Oh and I can't make rent. Yeah, 2020 is stellar so far. Guess I didn't eat enough pork and sauerkraut.",3.2583429672447015,5.255191635838152,4.186612716763008,85.5887822736031,74.83815028901735,6.463044315992294,25.406165703275533,7.3011,1.214645009633912,695,24,134,8,15,224,118,173,0.095,0.856,0.05,-0.8238,3,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,3,0,12,1,11,20,7,2,0,15,22,9,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,7,0,2,0,3,7,3,1,0,1,3,3,3,4,0,0,3,2,10,4,19,17,2,25,0,1,0,5,2,7,2,4,16,67,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605618365806622,0.0,0.0,0.1320641377411623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614548147799025,0.0,0.0,0.1518977553219988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003665380121665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514835647598728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746230344623135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877889222971386,0.17946319902358832,0.0,0.09760873592360196,0.14405464884202546,0.0,0.0,0.18920054020390467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16913785908620468,0.0,0.18386052002597805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213111757856071,0.08390773237748897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14601459062688132,0.0,0.0,0.11464358122627885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708816219359754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4976278520891939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062261462019928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207228745328151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156460358744173,0.0,0.13715872210265986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19739984873793653,0.16279767181388816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655596039625507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212010449292444 bpd,DCMartin91,2020/01/03,"Struggling to get over losing my girlfriend/FP I've really had a hard time letting go of my ex girlfriend/fp for months now and I really don't know what to do. We broke up because of my behavior (undiagnosed BPD at the time) almost a year ago. We had a brief reconciliation until yet again I pushed her away due to me splitting and not being able to get over her starting a relationship with someone else while we were apart. I said horrible things to her unprovoked and pushed her away for good. This episode lead to my BPD diagnosis. It's now been 4 months since we last had contact and I still think about her every second of every day. I have to get over this but don't know how. I accept the relationship is over and that it was toxic but I'm still consumed by regret and guilt, especially knowing that my BPD caused all of this. I can't forgive myself for how mean, manipulative and hurtful I was to her for no reason. She has me blocked on everything and I can only assume she's moved on by now. Letting go and forgiving myself seems impossible but I don't have a choice. It's made my life unbearable when I finally have the help and resources I need. Ive put so much effort into self care, dramatically improved my life and have been trying to meet other people but it still ends the same. Anyone have any advice on what to do? How to make peace with myself and let go?",3.0192757575757585,4.9867684472727305,4.4547500000000015,83.53279166666667,75.43636363636364,7.201515151515152,23.821969696969692,8.07648339933343,1.318724242424243,1093,34,218,18,24,363,151,275,0.11,0.809,0.08,-0.5261,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,4,0,0,3,16,11,0,2,9,0,27,2,0,9,1,49,46,23,0,2,5,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,13,19,0,1,11,0,0,9,6,6,0,1,10,2,37,5,37,32,3,45,0,4,0,0,22,13,0,3,23,158,50,1,0.1068802798450538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444217247871293,0.09474291929557092,0.0,0.10702516144038476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268225537560158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473317675794776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20083508239618986,0.0,0.0,0.06515322656665319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40383591282983017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089715684992803,0.10979548892894407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892893851511843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928475923258186,0.0,0.09466420419494702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18010249095625738,0.0,0.09605710384450597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708212230345065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752160469451025,0.0,0.182227578278879,0.08964610783350026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574373731473343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163959864053289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441755012465668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17621581992614244,0.08712169319464291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32787698250622715,0.15098540495990748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957169422982546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113270504644344,0.07134341673554792,0.0,0.0,0.11642395777896752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062163934994634,0.11359682288073047,0.0785693034887302,0.07925037322999894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128726903202861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740973285622947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744420177565653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694048818943996,0.10989072856618648,0.0,0.22949884345091826,0.0,0.0,0.10166762147045748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729979262835843,0.1114994416012921,0.0,0.0,0.08841247195816528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055931427309646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565041218411044,0.0,0.2560641886414374,0.0,0.0,0.11173447469075068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100650875475817,0.06848456768816084,0.0,0.0,0.12464550137218665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256469420896351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882739601259218 bpd,Lorptastic,2020/01/03,"DAE have days where they feel really dissociated? Usually with a connection to time disorientation? Got to sleep in reeeeeally late today, til 1:30 PM. When I woke up, my bf had me get ready (we live together) to go to a little local lunch place to eat and hang out. As soon as we walked out the door, he realizes I accidentally locked us out of the house. He has to make his way around the house to find an unlocked window to climb in. My narcissistic boss chooses that moment to call (I’m not on the clock today) and ask how my personal life is doing. I tell her, impulsively, that I locked us out of the house and she laughs something about that being typical, for me. He gets us in the house, I apologize and that’s that. We drive to lunch. I feel guilty and sheepish and stupid and just gray. I feel weird but succeed at being present in conversation with him. ❤️ we spent some cool quality time together yesterday. Then we go to the hardware store. I’m injured so walking slow behind him and generally just disengaged and melancholy. At one point he goes to another aisle and I just... stay in the aisle and zone out looking at some appliance shit and wanting to be alone. Fucking with my sleep schedule and daily routine just takes my sense of purpose and completely blows it up. Once I get disoriented in where/when I am for even a little, I’m just fucked for the day. I hate it. Dissociating feels so good and bad and empty all at once.",3.7030728763732017,5.527037441281141,4.754142039300636,82.7382624168343,73.16370106761565,8.303326628500697,26.452266749187693,8.964715089967882,2.0134417762648917,1135,40,228,24,23,371,164,281,0.14400000000000002,0.7979999999999999,0.057,-0.9804,0,1,1,0,0,0,37.0,8,0,1,2,14,11,5,0,13,1,9,10,3,3,1,53,32,25,0,1,7,0,4,0,1,0,2,0,2,1,7,30,3,0,7,0,2,7,1,7,0,1,4,7,32,4,46,25,3,52,0,0,2,2,25,25,3,3,18,142,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093565404334414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071743074027134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399503217877808,0.09870981909389627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816093762918219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078163805944468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070621553758044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13619007360481866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804210960334586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973937826855801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355233066732165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965048273441351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19522740972199293,0.1654949297437581,0.0,0.1200153270564054,0.08856156998233834,0.08444776390710658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424554279372006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4873340086169888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191070093041571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745793924065473,0.0,0.211652312755168,0.0932354701293522,0.0,0.08866669140020121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048030468583542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248939358714352,0.07154864856237128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219470800891193,0.110316195968875,0.0,0.0998140735683318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764189166321298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838378774069213,0.0,0.0,0.2113269939429969,0.0,0.0,0.0812862182853472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254195234394546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938846633717006,0.0,0.09228790443936527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313754115526045,0.0,0.20016872098474495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810253586032893,0.0,0.11628943105134415,0.0,0.062278091667604625,0.0838102389128069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HeyHoney86,2020/01/03,"A [Long] Open Letter from an Abusive BPD Girlfriend. I (33F) have been an abusive partner and i want to make amends so i can hope to be a better person. I'm sorry that this is a long read and maybe i am not doing this properly. \*caution warnings for abuse, suicide, self harm\*, and I don't want to offend anyone who has BPD - a LOT of people with BPD would never act like this. I am trying to learn how to control myself too. I have been with my boyfriend (33M) for almost 4 amazing years and I have been awful to him for almost all of it. I would say 70% of the time we are happy together but 30% of the time I am a monster to him. I was diagnosed with BPD in July. For a long time I have not properly addressed the cruelty because I have felt such enormous shame. But because of this I have not supported him and he’s been left to feel everything on his own and even feel gaslighted by my lack of acknowledgement or discussion about my behaviour. I’ve not been the girlfriend he deserves. Before my BPD diagnosis, it was complicated. I was dysfunctional and I didn’t understand why he couldn’t see the hypocrisy in asking me to acknowledge his hurt when he wouldn’t ALWAYS acknowledge mine. My friends at the time validated this, and he and I went round and round in nonsense circles with him trying to be patient with my ridiculous demands. I used to think that just feeling a thing made it a fact and that meant it needed acknowledgement, an apology, recognition, instead of learning to understand where the feeling came from and picking it apart by *myself* so that I can properly communicate what it’s teaching me about myself to my partner respectfully. I held him to this idea for **years** before I was diagnosed with BPD. I just could not wrap my head around how not everything was justified. It was utterly toxic. That was the basis of a lot of arguments. We would have a disagreement, we wouldn’t see eye-to-eye and I would get angry. Then I would lash out. Refuse to back down, refuse to apologise. I would demand he recognise my problem, no matter how illogical it was. You recognise MY hurt and then I will recognise yours. Me first. Largely our arguments would stem from insecurity. Maybe about other women (my ex used to cheat a lot and I would project this fear onto my boyfriend) I would behave in an accusatory way: why is your phone going off so much in the middle of the night… who’s this person you’ve followed… why is your ex watching my Instagram stories are you in contact with her?... and then I wouldn’t acknowledge how upsetting it would feel for him, to hear me suggest it’s a possibility that he’s up to something or would ever disrespect me when he’s only ever been trustworthy and loyal. I wasn’t culpable for my baggage, I made my history his present. The spectrum of arguments were broad… it could be anything like having plans change last minute, being told to lower my voice, being interrupted … If he refused to empathise with me, I would kick off and I wouldn’t care where I was when it happened. I would take his “lack of care” that he’d hurt me to mean that he didn’t love me and I would then try to test if he did by doing something manipulative. It was at this point during one argument that I threatened to burn a photo album I’d made him for Christmas if he didn’t empathise with me. I would also periodically pack up ALL my stuff from his house if he had asked me to leave during an argument where I’d crossed his very reasonable boundaries. I’d give him keys back, give him jewellery back. The “logic” being… if he doesn’t agree with me, how can he love me? I would do these things because I was letting myself feel uncontrollably hurt by every slight offense… I wanted him to stop me, I wanted to see if he cared about our life together ending and make me stay, make me stop. The stupidest part was he never stopped me! But I never learned and I kept doing it. It is relevant to mention at this point, that before we met back in Dec 2015 I had Hodgkin Lymphoma. I had a bumpy start to treatment as a result of an undiagnosed secondary malignancy, the chemo wasn’t right for me, but by April I was on better treatment and despite things still not being 100% (or even 40% in my case) I got excited and I downloaded a dating app and this is how him and I met. (Believe me when I say that my life has been peppered by irresponsible, emotionally motivated decisions. But downloading Bumble whilst still receiving immunotherapy was my favourite) I was still having treatment at the beginning of our relationship and he took such good care of me. The year before we met, he lost his best friend in an accident and here I was watching him throw caution to the wind and choose to love ME (with cancer!) having only recently experienced loss. He was fucking INSPIRING. But I became so consumed with insecurity that he might secretly worry I was a ticking timebomb. So I stupidly started downplaying and hiding things from him about my health. I had an operation to remove some scar tissue in Jan last year and I didn’t tell him. The scar tissue used to interfere with the scans I periodically had and I used to close off and not talk to him when any results looked shady. How the f\*ck do you help someone who can’t talk to you about what is wrong? AND what made it worse was, the times I was shutting off and not trying to talk to him about my feelings I would lash out at him. It was abusive. In the run up to my year in the clear, these insecure feelings had resurfaced and I was struggling and still unable to put into words some pretty intense depressive thoughts. I came to meet him at a party hoping I would be able to distract myself, but I failed, and then I felt guilt for getting him to come and sit with me being miserable so I left. And. Instead of going home, I went to jump into the Thames. I stood there for 40 mins, I cried, a stranger came to talk to me, I made an excuse and I went home. I had sent him a text saying “sorry I wasn’t able to cheer up”. I was SO incredibly selfish for me to not consider how that text might have looked had anything actually happened. Let alone how much this would have all hurt him. But of course I didn’t think about him, I was too wrapped up in MY own emotions. When I told him another day about this original attempt at my life he was shocked and sad. He comforted me. The conversation was short. I told him I had felt down lately and though I had never felt this way before, I had done this stupid thing and it had scared me, and he reassured me I’ll be ok and he took care of me. It was a proper loving conversation where I was culpable with my emotions and honest, I communicated myself to him and it was terrifying but I’d felt taken care of. The depression had nothing to do with our relationship. I loved him more than I ever had. In hindsight I can say, I liked that feeling of being looked after, and I subsequently did the most shameful thing, I became manipulative with my self harm. I went to do it again, in exactly the same way, having promised I wouldn’t, right after a break up. But this time I wrote my boyfriend a message telling him I was going to do it. I wanted him to care that I wanted to end my life, but \***I didn’t care**\* about HIS feelings! I didn’t think. I didn’t care about anyone. How would my family and friends feel? What about the Drs who treated me? What an enormous waste and how incredibly *selfish* when I’m lucky enough to have this opportunity to LIVE, why would I want anyone to think I would take that for granted?? And most importantly, when I have watched my boyfriend’s hurt from the loss of his friend WHY would I ever put him in a position where he might hurt like that again. How could I not think about these things? This is gross and it has taken me a long time to admit this but I need to because I want to change and I never want to do this again. I’ve consistently made terrible decisions. It felt like running around just reacting. Not questioning what was going on with me. We broke up that summer for a month. It tore me apart. When we reconciled I had promised to seek help and learn to control my temper. I said I’d do anything. I saw a therapist and learned how terrible at empathy I was. Whenever I would try to empathise and fail, I would feel shame and lash out. I felt like a failure. Consistently, I would make promises to him about my behaviour… but I didn’t understand my behaviour! We’d have a couple of weeks if we were lucky of no arguments but the moment things were good I’d relax and stop checking myself again. We had big amazing holidays that were just ruined by arguments. Beaches, planes, boats, cities, hotels, huts, canoes, taxis. We literally argued in them all, he’d warn me before a holiday… “you’d better not argue with me on this trip”. We basically always did. I am angry for how much time of ours I wasted. I love him so much, I can’t bare what I put him through. We never reminisce about trips because the trauma of fights has poisoned the pictures. He lives in a reality where he can’t look back and he can’t be excited about the future because I make him feel like we won’t have one. That makes me feel sick to type it.   I am writing this because I have said sorry a lot through out our relationship. I have written letters, made videos, time and time again with the *same* promises that I will change and that I will do something “this time”, I have begged “please just one more chance”, and I’ve been taken back and taken advantage of his love and done it again. I’ve done an 18 week DBT course and signed back up to take the interpersonal relationships module again... but I don’t try to practice the exercises! I say “I will save us so we don’t have to be apart” and I have failed every single time. I fail to be culpable, to talk about my problems and I fail to have a grasp on the way BPD has effected my kind, loving, dedicated partner. And now my promises mean nothing. Saying the same thing means nothing. So i must do something different. So here i am. Because of the way I have treated him, I doubt he even knows that I am aware of the level of cruelty. If something has made me feel shame about my behaviour I’ve wanted to avoid talking about it completely. I want to hide from my problems, retreat, it’s been easier to go back to destructive ways than to look at myself. I’d rather defend myself. Feel sorry for myself. Try and justify my behaviour. But it has to stop, I can’t be defended. I have let my partner down. I was supposed to read a lot of this to him on New Year’s Eve with the intention of starting the year in a positive place where I let him know how grateful for him I am. We really have had the hardest year and I wanted to make amends and look to the future and count that clock down to midnight and scream and laugh and cry together because we made it. But we didn’t spend it together… because we argued! I want to change. I need to change. I can change. I can see ALL of my dysfunction. I want to take responsibility for what I have done, no matter how scary it might feel and no matter how much I have previously wanted to avoid looking at myself. I have been abusive and I am so incredibly lucky to have spent so much of my life with such an incredibly dedicated, patient, caring boyfriend. The love of my life. I will make this up to you. I am so sorry for everything I have done to you and I am so sorry for all the ways I’ve acted that have made you less of yourself. I will not shout, I will not manipulate, I will not hurt myself or you, I will talk to you, I want to be close with you, and make amends, I want to respect your boundaries and I will reassure you and help you feel safe. This is my promise to you.",3.942375185368263,5.387523600346025,4.889187246663372,83.5405384083045,71.86332179930795,8.000834404349979,27.398279782501234,8.540077619617364,1.875655009391992,9212,328,1847,157,175,3003,657,2312,0.17800000000000002,0.682,0.14,-0.9988,3,3,5,0,2,4,262.0,26,18,1,21,114,138,13,18,94,2,246,25,1,54,20,429,420,159,1,72,51,2,27,7,10,47,14,12,3,9,110,137,0,16,64,8,3,30,55,66,0,4,135,56,355,72,273,211,35,233,0,22,18,10,219,88,1,34,112,1347,465,17,0.04346839802417195,0.12875735913399414,0.021209443039896532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04352732162412278,0.02251007548505352,0.0,0.017380831097615332,0.036169189336874456,0.0,0.0,0.014780000625659713,0.02279020270389384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0455911718836448,0.0,0.05365618173952299,0.03869609007706507,0.04063708435019405,0.0,0.0,0.13369805974602594,0.0,0.13248965988225744,0.0,0.11096521535932816,0.02448699960523198,0.022808700969663646,0.057666398445724715,0.0,0.0,0.19161423969811897,0.0,0.0,0.07457440083943258,0.2215946440125383,0.0,0.13795140421704996,0.01872208797141136,0.022787894153731662,0.0,0.0487535045770157,0.052058968149843406,0.024048477815801075,0.047747994110828966,0.01401676033737248,0.0,0.03743926752335172,0.04411950899194438,0.0,0.022707612079176185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112081577104294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334414563615635,0.03850009854533398,0.02245723749709768,0.0,0.04306570040211009,0.07863930925123175,0.03662400011199879,0.0,0.058599889928461414,0.0,0.02048906853441746,0.02445701635560041,0.1978103530822038,0.015526916116932524,0.14607767600405186,0.0,0.0,0.018487098576759616,0.0,0.0,0.06716715297090363,0.02009291676645644,0.02271044387566367,0.04169884826813111,0.061760230816906216,0.036459229918499904,0.017382824406830272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03843896081618623,0.02313645899415396,0.0,0.0,0.022305558502967004,0.023102437212882247,0.02449602188009111,0.0,0.04370392638164565,0.0,0.0436023474147829,0.043173927290455716,0.0,0.02507834757052976,0.1861352764786716,0.024535265188848916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022632823722433918,0.0238890947572678,0.03543254603950016,0.024517123160707283,0.023013378583200718,0.0472285416400789,0.0888987641075724,0.0921090451131772,0.07432762260355634,0.0,0.038383391833313206,0.07693632876135592,0.12775877290579404,0.0,0.023725445649989883,0.0923881938888189,0.17654366851372166,0.2056542461618296,0.13056971948449736,0.0,0.0436698483650796,0.07102474296879965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222620209933408,0.0,0.0,0.017348030295093332,0.0,0.09586282225723806,0.048346899523278114,0.10057652489393333,0.02099102484023901,0.0,0.020396073457823787,0.0,0.06256365038005607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044182967208242885,0.033059675458416066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02353601954785689,0.0,0.015067757004112703,0.037954928500434575,0.022707612079176185,0.02385762385780041,0.04109168636075017,0.024502043762717543,0.0,0.022111493980879457,0.0,0.06239007956062464,0.0,0.06554661909958244,0.02434727699865016,0.0,0.04348016119001213,0.0,0.013923484423114715,0.022346376410158204,0.021459899491129187,0.09333758376824937,0.0,0.03712177440535115,0.04134840068397532,0.10370344440769896,0.0217597247727714,0.0,0.0692773707056018,0.0,0.04534701924456249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.018415316292798814,0.0836602411819787,0.0,0.1459779383336933,0.04615073377818855,0.023165764319687757,0.06942783762504501,0.0908538178355676,0.0,0.02272130380796381,0.024880458007282846,0.023773686115978014,0.024663711477004253,0.0,0.0,0.06536565121059182,0.12228388122361915,0.03799329582032468,0.0,0.0,0.025235080216274325,0.12995312467369846,0.06963198569226255,0.02135374017881873,0.017254526282008062,0.15208063470895056,0.0,0.0,0.06230387566405456,0.048294989614640536,0.10329266121239797,0.0,0.0,0.06787820300783284,0.026143565350197673,0.07508547872960454,0.0,0.017932990374428002,0.21792969274712712,0.12076116872471165,0.03486772692164117,0.0,0.0,0.08059128091930359,0.09805867035002327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022072134099899384,0.02214900559788379,0.4014231362323612,0.023762934727995396,0.0,0.11196889264062372 bpd,bettycooperjug,2020/01/03,I have no ambition and it scares me I have literally no idea what I want to do with my life. I can't even write further. I don't know. I just don't know. I've been fucked up so much I don't even know anymore.,-2.550408163265306,-0.8280448163265284,0.6257142857142881,103.04428571428578,99.20408163265309,4.4326530612244905,15.16326530612245,6.1826913282559595,-0.8590897959183672,160,4,45,2,7,56,31,49,0.252,0.7190000000000001,0.028999999999999998,-0.872,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,1,0,0,8,2,0,0,0,9,13,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,9,0,3,12,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141572174284821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184558476703312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928548162169785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576021670338291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5222763227493921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237486456219973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328672131950127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171485888947839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18684301672221476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ClitorsaurusDreams,2020/01/03,"Splitting and Emotion Has anyone else been in a long term relationship and felt like they had to stay? I love my partner. Lately they've become insecure and overbearing again. In the past I hadn't left them for it in the beginning because I had nowhere to go. They moved me out of a shitty abusive situation from a whole different city when we first got together so I felt like if we broke up I would be damned to move back to that abusive space again because at that point in time I didn't know how to take care of myself because unfortunately being in an abusive household I never learned to properly function. So, I put up with a lot of shit but not with out them putting up with a lot of my shit too. In the process we did fall in love at some point. They eventually made progress on not being toxic masculine for the most part. I've always not been super physically attracted to them. Sometimes I would feel it but not as much as I think I should. I wonder sometimes if I split on them previous because of the fact that they told me I was too needy for affection. I like cuddling quite a bit and their version of affection is either sex or a hand on me on occasion. They would complain about cuddling if it didn't lead to sex or that they were uncomfortable after like 2 minutes. I digress. I'm having a hard time figuring out if I'm growing apart from them after the 10 years we've been together or if I'm just bpd splitting on them. I've been becoming distant and kind of reclaiming my independence after being very codependent for a long time (thank you therapy! 10/10 do recommend) I've been going out and making genuine connections with friends that I had been to scared to or paranoid of in the past and I am loving it. Turns out not all people are out there to hurt you or stab you in the back. Weird, right? My partner has a massive issue with not meeting expectations as in they care way too much about other peoples approval so because they can sense distance, they are trying to hang on to me hard especially after having issues at work. They asked me if we were breaking up. I told them not as far as I know. They then demanded I assure them that I am still in love with them. I told them the truth. I love them but I'm struggling right now. I don't feel like I'm in love with them. I'm trying to figure out if I am genuinely drifting from them and the relationship has run its course as a primary relationship or if we need to think about renegotiating the relationship. (FYI we are polyam hence the renegotiating thing.) Maybe I need to move out for a bit and claim some space that is only mine to sort it out? Maybe I'm just splitting on them. I know sometimes relationships have their own ebb and flow. I've set up a list of pros and cons to help and see if it is just my illness being a dick. Anyone have any other suggestions to determine if I'm splitting or if maybe as I've healed, learned, and grown in my therapy that I'm starting to drift? They aren't a bad person. They helped take care of me and helped me learn how to take care of myself(in edition to my therapist) and we've taught each other so much. We've had really good times but I've always felt issues with connecting to them on a spiritual and sexually connective level. Uhg. I'm lost. Plz halp. All input and advice is appreciated. Thanks friends.",3.8886877828054303,5.4160497239819065,4.8751734539969815,83.2644343891403,72.12217194570134,8.095927601809954,27.63046757164404,8.671277953709913,1.9781173453996976,2649,97,531,48,51,865,270,663,0.105,0.727,0.168,0.9955,1,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,6,3,30,8,23,37,3,3,29,0,47,16,4,8,6,117,100,54,0,18,33,0,8,5,4,4,2,0,0,3,19,41,0,0,16,0,0,16,13,12,0,1,27,9,83,25,102,64,19,95,0,3,1,11,65,48,4,25,32,364,102,7,0.0,0.21015642837603168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057775181983959124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839162721026352,0.0,0.0,0.04020627330579366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268159853357783,0.06057941323933451,0.0,0.0,0.05527285692051735,0.0,0.0,0.09092524531546003,0.04936597935531783,0.18020687584307596,0.13059538490147046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909595197654775,0.0,0.07446447094972446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24112298898824944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061771882187355964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04939042429539437,0.06650641948570306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978963149952605,0.04223811952414288,0.17030462159301246,0.0,0.0,0.05029075145760819,0.0,0.0,0.09135794300413506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720293950035187,0.04959031463358093,0.04728677668079887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592678639101533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188884935218532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329334811527533,0.0,0.0,0.1851299439179768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061568434218209726,0.09747883276518868,0.0,0.06669432427220898,0.0,0.06423828053560421,0.0,0.0,0.14442473332995553,0.0,0.0,0.10464556598032612,0.0,0.0,0.06454071121276883,0.10053003562864753,0.32016971972008074,0.05594445519389425,0.03946565632856617,0.0,0.17819368581832373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18851801793202191,0.13038858824023886,0.08767923199975734,0.045599989590121626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04496638330901917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402541234191578,0.11288088788159382,0.08197812321616205,0.051624701082250965,0.0,0.0,0.11178237499854846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887168111090365,0.0,0.06288553575266212,0.0,0.0,0.03787627851062581,0.0,0.0,0.3173846620288233,0.0,0.10098295968583186,0.0,0.0,0.05919332910947324,0.0,0.047114086308976094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213796488999022,0.0,0.06645773064682052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754251198968289,0.0,0.04184819433921029,0.06301820109249116,0.04721641570394431,0.0,0.0,0.061809128017285636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333614238565161,0.0,0.0,0.10886667052409978,0.13522664405009588,0.06864739439237097,0.03927928602009769,0.07576840403396824,0.0,0.0,0.13790246515080254,0.0,0.0,0.1694862345682311,0.0,0.08028248195215781,0.0643098155252091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048783402006942485,0.0,0.04692979266323463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600971283473209,0.0,0.0,0.06411733770315534,0.04304289678999746,0.0,0.0,0.12599974739831465,0.0,0.0,0.038073847333269684 bpd,notfergie,2020/01/03,"Could someone please tell me if this is me just having classic BPD lizard brain or if this is something I should legitimately be worried about. i’m on the cusp of having a bit of a freak out but i’m not quite there yet and i don’t know if any of this is justified. my girlfriend (let’s call her sarah) (she knows i have bpd) has been super affectionate, we’ve been having great sex etc etc right up until about a week-ish ago, but it’s not like she’s been totally closed off? she’s just been texting me with way less frequency, less to no emojis in her texts, and we facetimed last night and she seemed Fine but just wasn’t as affectionate as she usually is. i asked her if everything was cool and she said she’s totally fine, just really tired and busy. i feel like i just need someone objective to tell me if i need to calm the f*ck down or if i should maybe ask her if everything’s ok and if I’ve done something wrong, or if she’s feeling ok in the relationship. thanks so much guys pls feel free to tell me i’m being a huge idiot.",1.9701576521950024,3.69191602304148,3.328726655348049,91.53940577249577,77.70967741935483,6.964734416686878,21.559301479505216,7.85451343220497,0.7058903225806451,815,22,186,13,19,266,119,217,0.099,0.6759999999999999,0.226,0.9848,0,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,2,10,17,1,0,7,3,23,3,1,0,2,45,38,25,0,14,22,0,3,2,1,2,1,1,0,1,4,10,0,0,6,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,8,5,27,15,20,24,8,17,0,0,0,1,23,10,0,13,8,120,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138740102013002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545110903024608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349447752695709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371849634484998,0.0,0.3165213337535358,0.14027483503998414,0.12830990645948395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003269367402528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128590798474916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28028167328006903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258649242880243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19060795368746689,0.08976942800043107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853735106848292,0.0,0.12442024410617528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381156667336781,0.1024272742446314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849285627265022,0.0,0.12277938361090425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623940514252066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237239659323666,0.1863462339898057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792063755448012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793371658835815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365174959530096,0.0,0.0,0.08049912957749975,0.0,0.0,0.1349086554393227,0.0,0.1073104417397909,0.11952863821056052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439346709234358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21293763650191724,0.1934738860112559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294894241673326,0.11568813729590564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442430432926265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839349770560838,0.0,0.0,0.09974072451661517,0.10079451314925146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761084287278426,0.0,0.0,0.13738626795422884,0.0,0.0 bpd,MermaidSparkles0602,2020/01/03,"Does anyone have Chronic Fatigue as well as BPD? I’ve had BPD as long as I can remember but wasn’t diagnosed until a few years ago. I’ve had over emotional issues since realllly young and always struggled with self harm, depression etc. I was super fit when younger (ballerina etc) and come the age of 20, after some bad trauma, six months later I was diagnosed with a B12 deficiency and chronic fatigue syndrome. I also have all symptoms of fibromyalgia and the rheumatologist has no idea what’s wrong with me, and over the last 9 years it’s just gotten worse. I’m wondering if some of my chronic fatigue is induced due to adrenal fatigue from constant anxiety and episodes and stress. Having BPD is exhausting emotionally and physically as we all know, but I’m wondering HOW MUCH of it feeds into my fatigue Any thoughts?",8.573284313725491,8.16993341176471,8.604697712418304,67.43488970588237,61.2875816993464,11.833006535947714,40.693627450980394,11.20814326018867,4.749954901960785,664,33,112,16,8,217,101,153,0.289,0.645,0.065,-0.9914,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,1,5,15,0,2,5,0,12,13,0,2,2,30,20,20,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,12,0,0,1,3,14,1,0,7,0,0,1,2,13,1,1,7,0,8,2,19,13,8,19,0,6,0,0,2,4,0,5,14,73,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163249674111448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494231953623756,0.10919151689120687,0.0,0.0,0.08923897480463856,0.0,0.10038842500287708,0.0,0.0,0.09175708765927797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956920464600006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4958280761101265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304058633599892,0.0,0.1418099502453058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130257682607973,0.2663856281906897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483777980457713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952258045749373,0.0,0.0,0.2927059632565893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813950063111614,0.0,0.13696707041402467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211902012535566,0.10696765728797172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161319149739477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474427421377998,0.0,0.09646706831283113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865480112476925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368985567160741,0.0,0.0,0.1085524701554464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032027857308264,0.13718712937854946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639527444404315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417971386772948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798898456576555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846205337318783,0.0,0.0,0.1337316961317196,0.0,0.1434763087759476,0.0,0.16901198860426134 bpd,silver454,2020/01/03,"I am completely unwantable and I've lost hope that I will ever earn love. A few months after I was diagnosed with BPD I resolved to pull myself out of the slump I was in and try and make something of my life. Two years later, I'm happier, I've done well in my first two years of college, I've lost over 4 stone, on paper I'm doing so much better, but after all that time I've yet to have any change in my romantic life, after working so hard to improve myself and seeing that it has been worth nothing in terms of earning a partner/love, I've given up hope. Has anyone else had success in accepting the fact that no one will ever want you and romance/sex/love is just something you are fundamentally incompatible with? any advice on how I can find some kind of hope or meaning like this?",10.183064182194613,5.8125105465838525,10.046428571428574,70.82773809523812,61.54658385093168,12.472463768115942,39.25569358178053,9.2995712137729,3.5048873706004136,622,20,126,7,6,207,102,161,0.048,0.705,0.247,0.9869,0,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,9,8,13,0,0,4,0,15,4,0,2,4,27,28,10,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,2,1,4,8,2,13,11,23,18,5,24,0,2,1,1,3,10,0,5,14,85,19,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378151130262704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19181357495477905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098613050238954,0.14450423860130812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473159193058166,0.0,0.0,0.17762522121050126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919345338730344,0.0,0.14786966367679966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314479679896214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443249891176524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781437414727786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551435453471083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289009500800858,0.11996198641538924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263372224689876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4202306319955094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686341832707486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992305421845557,0.06890124882058518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30790678991035153,0.0,0.12728714012838888,0.0,0.09414014289193204,0.0,0.0,0.15362549935031636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257062139593564,0.0,0.10367495412738212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532427755545542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556712374343533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238446867382858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21714708069544608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223705736935535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575166139102792,0.0,0.2755360920486571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318449352281837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268049581720842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267318046247884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18164033044625835 bpd,faryville,2020/01/03,"A funny bpd moment So thought I’d share this here cause I don’t think any one else would laugh at it but you guys might? BPD sucks but at least I have some good stories! So I just started a new relationship (obviously I feel completely cured!) and on New Year’s Eve I stayed at his house. As were falling asleep in bed the strong emotions got a hold of me and I accidentally said “I love you”. Half way through my sentence I realized what was doing so my drunk ass PLAYED DEAD TO TRY AND DISTRACT FROM WHAT ID SAID. It worked! But he definitely thought I’d died so after about 5 minutes I “woke up” and tried to brush it off as accidentally falling asleep and declared I was going to bed. What a disorder, wow. Ahaha",1.4193749999999987,3.8186399652777774,2.8338888888888896,90.77500000000002,83.375,5.822222222222222,22.88888888888889,7.1686216300943375,0.7584805555555554,561,20,121,8,16,182,100,144,0.23399999999999999,0.5760000000000001,0.191,-0.866,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,2,7,9,1,1,5,0,8,5,3,1,1,20,20,14,2,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,7,5,1,1,5,2,0,3,1,2,0,2,9,4,16,7,17,9,2,19,0,0,0,2,10,7,2,2,7,71,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118822077552422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144253482941304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901183981503326,0.0,0.0,0.17250066306397566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170750312425983,0.0,0.18855917226159075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374389929180678,0.1850677625693923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318846069321494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350298623496013,0.1379952288112868,0.13158516165969855,0.0,0.0,0.16290498459321126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18983902396952326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848965991872526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17453434822324435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177973075445987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148596543028534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766375929714393,0.0,0.0,0.31300068740457404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164511900327404,0.17536107893828953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542056779221594,0.0,0.2612279313236829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22340248390003067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059178036035118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977569481307793,0.0,0.0,0.11687338613644405,0.0,0.0,0.10594829480921883 bpd,BonnieJeanneTonks,2020/01/03,"I have a job interview in two hours The advice I get from folks? ""BE YOURSELF."" Oh my hell... If I am myself they definitely won't want me!",-2.122298850574712,-0.8359479999999984,1.3501724137931037,93.99123563218392,115.20689655172414,4.691954022988506,15.178160919540227,6.42735559955562,-0.0968666666666671,104,3,24,2,6,37,27,29,0.047,0.8390000000000001,0.114,0.4157,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,7,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,17,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4614424155976708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467125175601784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4650360325340187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4685998967655613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4612848224963478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27852426913528106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,boobsuckincuntlicker,2020/01/03,"F29, mom is my trigger. I need to cut ties. So my mom and I have had it out, again. I wanted the holidays to be better this year, and for a moment they were. However as these situations go as they always do, blessed be bpd, it wasn't until *new year new me* mentality bridged the gap between my happy reality and my disorder. See my mom, I won't lie is a really good person. She has her struggles too. And since we're strangers I cannot sumize the entirety of our relationship to this one post, but growing up I was the oldest. I was also my mom's best friend. The beginning of the end it seems, we'll see what therapy has to say. She had to ""sacrifice alot"" for myself and my siblings while my ""father was never there"" (he worked full and over time so was hardly home but we wanted for naught). All the while she ""never got help"" from anyone. She's always kept me reminded of her struggles. But when I try to open up to her about myself, my problems, the reasons Why I have bpd (early childhood development issues, like most of us with this torturous brain bloop), it turns into her being the victim, defending herself, and then attacking me. Clearly we see here now that she's got her own set of mental health issues. But I do not fault her for it. Or atleast I'm not trying to. The reasons as to why all of this happened is slightly irrelevant. She barely encouraged me growing up. She has convinced herself that ""everything she did was for me"" however I don't think she ever saw me as my own person. She denied my going to art school bc of the idea ""you'll be a successful artist with or without school."" I went to another school instead for other interests, but as those storylines tend to play out if you don't pursue what you really love you spend your life in dissaray. So I've had to do it all myself. Make the choices I've needed to go and perform as I wanted to. I've encountered some really tough battles over the years and have been left, alone, abandoned, thrown away (by everyone in my family atleast twice). We still come back because of love. I try to work on my own set of problems and I try to communicate what issues I have with others. This year I worked really hard to make amends. I got my family great Christmas presents. I cooked an amazing dinner. I helped our with chores and funds and building. But then my mom started to talk about how she's been encouraging others into art school. ""because of your sisters friend"" she remarked. I laughed. So. Hard. She asked if it was the irony. No just the insult to the injury. I got really heated and told her to go fuck herself and jolted with ""what about because of your daughter?"" This was during a car ride and we didn't speak until our destination. I got out of the car and told her I'm so glad she has all these people to encourage. And flicked her the bird as I walked away. I felt bad about what I had said to her and wanted to thank her for driving me somewhere (because I know I'm not a monster and I was hurt but I still didn't want to hurt someone else). But I still wasn't sorry for what I said. When I told her why I felt wronged by her, told her what she could do to rectify, and asked her to not talk to me she proceeded to guilt me with ""heart felt mommy daughter"" articles. She doesn't think she's done anything wrong. But my mom just couldn't grasp what it is that I want, need, ask her, beg her to do. Apologize. Fucking closure for just all the wrong. And she can't even do that. She wanted to know ""why should she apologize"". Like it fucking mattered. Damage was done. I got angry and wrote the whole ""you could apologize for this"" statement text with imbedded tidbits on actual instances of wrongdoings of the past. But it wasn't a specific apology I was looking for. to try to remedy my relationship I just wanted a simple genuine I'm sorry. To wipe the slate clean. Instead she turned around to defend herself and attacked me. I have had to block her. I write this after a flood attack after a 2 day experience with the blocking of my mother happening just a few moments before this post began. I don't really know why I wrote this post. I guess I just needed to vent and hear advise from others who suffer with parent issues. Thanks for the space and the time.",2.30361189965819,4.536901005938244,3.6341115810208,87.29676843751814,78.72684085510689,6.577625861769308,23.2136608539482,7.678348718463194,1.1488181565378597,3325,109,661,52,82,1086,343,842,0.14,0.735,0.126,-0.9012,3,1,0,0,0,0,116.0,9,8,2,7,33,51,11,3,37,0,62,11,2,6,9,128,135,61,0,20,25,12,6,2,2,4,2,5,3,2,40,46,2,4,14,6,2,13,21,27,0,2,47,16,137,24,111,77,15,79,2,5,5,5,113,21,3,9,42,479,177,9,0.0,0.0,0.04677591216596405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049644364152205515,0.0,0.03833218190898224,0.07976856442450064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050262164730896924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033516024718505795,0.0,0.03944495917043147,0.042670731786926236,0.13443328177005412,0.16359288646898482,0.0900696836123455,0.036857690508868925,0.040022239861609576,0.11687859378284095,0.0,0.040787643168827416,0.0,0.050302961335185095,0.04239304136920991,0.0,0.0,0.1207404352729282,0.05350933044454444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04129022817180314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654155799210699,0.0,0.0,0.030912964058461306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05493562743514732,0.0,0.0,0.09810466040841588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04004205798874738,0.0,0.04245460912268935,0.0,0.0,0.03165944237802502,0.04335834533005311,0.0,0.04580224965799288,0.04307929097230778,0.04688789072919729,0.090374355264824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807023589823636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406617990615999,0.13294047958607466,0.0,0.0,0.10896622326600668,0.0402041141084759,0.2300194680607423,0.05284654867084527,0.052803850267163055,0.0,0.08477438334927782,0.05102580825466381,0.1288162609576796,0.0,0.0,0.050950775645391536,0.054024227120122684,0.056801101220553485,0.06425725930631161,0.0,0.048080931900644684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262701532491836,0.05411077543542279,0.0,0.2001193296223194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902853903247538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052079588118540326,0.0,0.03385665365972615,0.04683550408411232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04025183586272943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652321218243345,0.0,0.06399159844511733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661083153961747,0.0,0.0,0.3368328757027285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216751292296567,0.07393811466504016,0.09258841284550576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032480793098885664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053224172729024216,0.0,0.04575768605816125,0.03323086216062672,0.08370688463917507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377203358535974,0.0,0.0,0.0917312436749879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18424350413954851,0.09856667506288562,0.0,0.10292468811920867,0.0,0.0,0.09119094522937332,0.03811842361755017,0.0,0.194043926852307,0.1145897207597054,0.043636606876754185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039650858214841406,0.05387895209089524,0.0,0.0,0.04061366513962954,0.0,0.0,0.1073146398174453,0.03392738265282093,0.0,0.11483860379477093,0.0,0.0,0.1002204262712864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705381953378784,0.0,0.08826094524104658,0.05481581905728397,0.0,0.0,0.06142734895124013,0.0,0.0,0.05590049675757256,0.0,0.0,0.18320899863197151,0.0,0.1627175633571463,0.10427516666408536,0.0,0.0,0.05765776660073736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261780593421579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0444345788634423,0.21626139558572247,0.053515732793479535,0.0,0.04620591742765502,0.0,0.10468787384538412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572223672566093,0.0,0.12346969879468425 bpd,DelusionalMax,2020/01/03,"Where are all the conquerers? I don't see any succes stories Every succes story I saw is literally - ""I no longer meet the criteria for BPD,but i'm still on 4 different meds,still in therapy and still struggling"" And there's only few of them",3.41,5.2529933333333325,5.315000000000001,78.33000000000001,74.0,8.966666666666667,26.583333333333336,9.516144504307137,2.5859833333333326,192,7,36,5,4,66,40,48,0.11599999999999999,0.884,0.0,-0.6124,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,4,5,2,5,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,2,22,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148810396748769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979727943154269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301376918506981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26623149147423786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403212832577729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25179960779766736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5046930074328838,0.0,0.0,0.33033675090295034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613570654040441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,omg_everything_hurts,2020/01/03,"Feeling ""othered"" Excluded, in other words. Targeted, dehumanized because observed & judged rather than interacted with. Is this a trigger for you? I find that I will act completely normal but if I'm put in a situation where someone (a bully essentially) ""others"" me or ostracizes me, then it triggers the push/pull and attention seeking stuff that characterizes BPD and my presentation/behavior completely changes. I can no longer act normal and it's very painful to watch/feel myself spinning out pretty much and I feel powerless to stop it. Is this a known trigger for those with BPD? Do you relate?",5.620571428571427,8.596670152380955,6.148809523809527,69.68035714285716,71.28571428571429,9.533333333333337,35.26190476190476,9.888512548439397,4.398790476190476,486,26,73,14,10,157,78,105,0.205,0.746,0.049,-0.9554,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,5,1,0,3,0,23,8,8,0,4,4,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,7,0,1,5,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,2,10,0,10,7,1,9,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,2,54,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019928061545151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364373537812618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4695947694610567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19721429443142527,0.0,0.3909288340437855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28278819948043993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039025067401425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370447728384176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653163621811492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983707154393682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18966255729022405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874099116490453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20955095969908427,0.0,0.0,0.15795838962400288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586072515203744,0.0,0.0,0.2134134987122027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382121249772324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PM_me_catpics,2020/01/03,Does anyone else have a hard time articulating their medical issues to doctors? I have been dealing with a few things these past few years and literally can’t put them to words to a doctor. Maybe it’s because I’m overwhelmed with anxiety from stepping into an office or just don’t know how to articulate the issues. I’ll end up telling the doctor everything is fine and just walking out defeated. Anyone else have this problem?,7.058499999999999,7.927342850000002,7.317499999999999,71.09750000000003,64.25,9.9,34.75,9.888512548439397,3.55445,348,15,58,7,5,113,61,80,0.125,0.8370000000000001,0.039,-0.7707,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,1,3,4,0,1,6,0,7,4,0,1,0,13,9,4,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,1,1,3,1,10,8,2,10,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,1,4,38,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292406781026735,0.0,0.0,0.2362572822408893,0.3462034548318641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298588194449644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17417247178528636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5187599362247817,0.1478428666783416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822598406346831,0.0,0.1496330584275362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518347759238026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133944621963974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35266450405089744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284647174048401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972561678613013,0.0,0.0,0.1701919636802591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127489224227667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165531644377235,0.0,0.16983404295976712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476633377092046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223800129725514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851182792993626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108793538767393 bpd,mush_ity,2020/01/03,"Fuckkk I’m not even totally sure what I need to say, I’m just so overwhelmed. My fiancée (also my FP) and I are breaking up after having a baby 5 months ago (unexpectedly), I’m broke, and I don’t know what the fuck to do. We are in such a toxic shitty relationship half of the time, while the other half the time it’s beautiful and loving and supportive. We have finally decided we have to do what’s best for our baby and just call it and I feel like I’m losing my mind, I’m just totally in denial and it sucks. On top of that, I have been dealing with some serious postpartum depression along with my bpd and I don’t know how I’m going to handle having a baby all by myself (when it’s not his turn to watch her). It’s to the point where I run out of my prescriptions within a week to feel better during the day and then I feel like shit the rest of the month. I’m just so tired of not being the mother I want to be. I want to be one of those moms who takes their kid to the park, to mommy groups, all that kind of stuff. But I can’t even leave my apartment, much less try to make friends with other moms. I know this probably didn’t even make sense and I’m sorry for even posting but I just needed to get all of this out of my head because it feels like I’m about to explode. Much love to all of you, I hope you’re having a better day than me",1.4931963470319616,2.789845739726033,3.581712328767125,91.05364155251145,77.90410958904108,6.6474885844748846,19.700913242009133,7.333567415737692,0.27666392694063896,1044,22,243,13,24,357,147,292,0.077,0.789,0.134,0.9542,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,4,1,1,5,17,21,3,1,15,0,18,6,2,3,7,54,50,19,0,5,10,3,4,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,18,19,0,0,8,0,0,2,7,8,0,3,2,6,31,13,42,45,12,28,0,4,1,3,21,11,3,2,16,172,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050400352669912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066947094420172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911503425604128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898469286245138,0.2005497439091108,0.0,0.0,0.14279739428560612,0.0,0.11577305128956095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624067594967896,0.11688919031044677,0.09765351725172904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995441164940651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293121397234747,0.24299481339136164,0.0,0.12420159860378632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759664872319675,0.1048174349493817,0.059236060679426536,0.0,0.06443612991934504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635998170745925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261133383161792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806720526546127,0.1869310711449138,0.0,0.0,0.120052421490001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661743539721274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684255528454633,0.0,0.0,0.204658683181712,0.0,0.15136326937165578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144808803972958,0.2655771827190111,0.18099672218734175,0.0,0.1666938197309861,0.16813878757000436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682882057475432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718018723067467,0.0,0.10858613109782664,0.0,0.12224217727542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217270522328244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016385529101237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638233214542106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269189638085185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979229541441634,0.0,0.12866160764011034,0.10685874945954743,0.0,0.08524720394413023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222488817782352,0.1303129497475758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697717504291057,0.12332423727535875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374822380600174,0.0,0.0909461214845433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ca7cha8esra66it,2020/01/03,"Should I be on an antidepressant? I was on paxil and abilify but then I stopped the paxil and have been off of it for about 2 months and continued the abilify. Since I went off cold turkey (I know I know that's a bad decision) I went through hell at first but now I feel kinda normal. No feeling super suicidal and actually attempting. No getting seriously angry over nothing. I don't feel happy but I actually started to shower and take care of myself. When I was on the paxil I felt more depressed and irritable and like my happy emotions were suppressed. I couldn't smile without it feeling super forced while I was on it. I was diagnosed with depression as well as bpd so I'd assume that an antidepressant would help but I guess it didn't? Sorry if this is all scrambled up, it's hard for me to explain anything.",2.4102573529411764,4.942442187499998,4.379338235294121,80.42830882352942,80.25,7.264705882352942,26.911764705882355,8.313332769828598,2.22945955882353,650,28,119,14,17,221,101,160,0.26899999999999996,0.557,0.174,-0.9726,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,4,5,12,1,0,6,0,14,1,0,0,1,33,29,18,1,5,6,0,6,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,8,8,0,2,10,0,0,2,6,5,1,1,10,7,19,7,21,15,2,20,1,2,0,0,2,9,1,4,10,91,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.3062188236427498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291133452721293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100293123612966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976070179252037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996754626561951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702713229546197,0.15924774778143871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648866714336164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173285362208536,0.0,0.15064628801117302,0.0,0.0,0.133457007053272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819725133155164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728403804852377,0.0,0.0,0.3340407969752659,0.14054941981163732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516514507227218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245362079287338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665223563394133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523415677369393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372632240506068,0.15054746594193227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978730501175634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756340028599965,0.11105291937827612,0.0,0.0,0.1311734078482238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162049428626291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179674590151765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106977304096016,0.2908912694283076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124367462710858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145554394444196,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LoveAndDefiance,2020/01/03,"I think I might have BPD and need someone to talk to. Hello. First of all I want to apologise if I offend anybody that deals with BPD. I don't want to diagnose myself and seem rude towards the ones that deal with this awful disorder. It is definitely not my intention and I apologise if I come across as such, I definitely don't want to hurt anybody. I struggle for a long time with my emotions and I have been told by several people that I might in fact be borderline. Unfortunately I couldn't have the opportunity to seek professional help because I am short on money but also because I didn't want to accept there might be something wrong with me. I know I have a good life, I have many things to be grateful for and I am generally happy. But as soon as something bad happens, I completely lose my mind. I think I also have a FP which is my partner. I get a lot of pain because of my relationship but I am still never sure if my emotions are valid or if in fact I might overreact because of a disorder. I would like to have the opportunity to have a conversation with people that struggle with this disorder so I could better understand myself and see what I can do about it. To be honest, I think I need help because I am getting through a lot and I don't know how to process everything and find a solution for myself. Thank you and I am truly sorry if I offend anybody on here.",4.444419532585979,5.370744097472925,6.027919437583126,77.8120976629299,70.11913357400722,9.152878586357593,30.824434733041983,9.414487439383343,2.738231768953068,1093,45,215,23,19,374,131,277,0.183,0.636,0.18100000000000002,-0.1697,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,5,10,20,3,2,11,1,34,3,0,2,5,59,54,25,0,14,10,0,0,1,1,5,3,0,0,1,11,16,0,0,9,0,1,1,7,10,0,2,3,1,44,10,37,40,3,14,0,2,1,0,11,7,0,13,7,171,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854235734768104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754577954229035,0.2830751632728767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821393667998405,0.0,0.0,0.23394270805157574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000259211211329,0.09737645736196017,0.0,0.0,0.07415220640328067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19149770806383912,0.0,0.09426499564202076,0.0,0.0,0.3193244107901365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20894114574189468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346902152723264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488500992890942,0.07899844339111044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704549945733408,0.0,0.0,0.07789817311897881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212803262346352,0.0988659328304822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450275850099883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994233697687568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020820704780208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559954190008231,0.045373468439261766,0.0,0.0,0.08219042846472385,0.0,0.10390207408161224,0.0,0.1579160401969808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415949965201753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940978826650678,0.09377610604961696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772955553363472,0.07163003319421415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293371959476424,0.0,0.09882431701970412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877405762489788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997117502912062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400842843521419,0.08454885854812534,0.0,0.10492100707495686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869170576690096,0.1429976434573566,0.0,0.10396466351857536,0.0,0.0,0.07416917097099547,0.0,0.0,0.1941838115043216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087532497888483,0.0,0.0,0.07464847698579348,0.0,0.08550575661835412,0.0,0.0,0.06170125446857861,0.17852942549360235,0.0,0.0,0.054155484711206056,0.0,0.0,0.08874493698506403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668494591043383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191175954631424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597491336971016,0.101542967714582,0.0,0.0 bpd,princess420blaze,2020/01/03,"Surviving productivity and performance anxiety with BPD in late stage capitalism It's been ages since I've posted here, and I guess I need to vent a little bit. I've grown, a lot. I see how I've found many things about myself and BPD. I haven't acted within a rage episode in ages and have managed to not be reactive towards my own feelings. Meditation and exercise have come a long way of helping me coping with day-to-day life. And meds. Can't ever forget how grateful I am to them. But recently, on this ramping up of good things and habits in my life I seem constantly struggle doing things that make me feel good: reading, walking and studying in general. This became crystal clear after the Xmas week. I managed to get myself a week's worth of vacation and spent it all with my parents. Having worry-free days made me want to read a lot all the time, I couldn't ever bring myself to stop in front of the television or social media. Welp, now I'm back to work. A job I hate but I can't really leave. I get home and all I wanna do is eat and procrastinate. I feel like it's pointless to do anything considering I need to go to work tomorrow. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy I'm employed. I know how much value money has to keep me alive and healthy. But couldn't I be doing anything more productive than writing reports that people will never see? Most of the time I feel that nobody even cares about what I'm doing. It's just irrelevant. Worst of it all is how this directly affects me. And I know part of it is my own perception of gigantic feelings of anxiety. But there's enough written to remind me that I live in a sick and toxic society that cares not about feelings. Specially mine. So I find myself drifting away again, this time not to social media or YouTube, no. I'm back to my roots numb-anxiety activity: VIDEO GAMES. It's not the best, but hey, it could be worse. Managed to play more than 10 hours the past two days, consider I have a 9to5 job and I did work yesterday and today. JUST HOW MUCH TIME IS BEING THROWN AWAY AT THE COST OF PRODUCTIVITY. I hate this.",2.2949460431654667,4.47158110551559,3.926109712230218,85.48240197841726,78.47242206235012,7.04769784172662,24.09406474820145,8.07648339933343,1.4609376978417266,1639,57,328,30,40,546,208,417,0.086,0.792,0.12300000000000001,0.8581,4,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,0,1,6,20,15,3,1,16,0,29,5,0,9,8,78,65,29,0,7,13,1,6,1,0,1,4,0,1,0,22,20,1,2,12,6,4,8,12,6,0,1,6,8,41,9,48,51,18,53,0,0,2,0,8,14,0,7,29,220,63,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19809698783856533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206320287582502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219547446728974,0.13274501164196642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058444921362828,0.0,0.09423589449004097,0.0,0.2174266790007402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17601202982373812,0.0,0.0,0.07435452063995393,0.0,0.09327809784287644,0.0,0.06891716400619027,0.0,0.0,0.22266950083813394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832392103951682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918861675813501,0.0,0.057011616694185335,0.15615747965080318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618670524980363,0.061664938582395815,0.0,0.0,0.07889224656542278,0.0,0.0,0.09464222199230003,0.0,0.0,0.13529133372896868,0.0,0.04905598525139068,0.14479734138796307,0.0,0.0,0.09508799414288524,0.0,0.0,0.09188613580083416,0.0,0.17044049073527104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578565186595501,0.0,0.08658306823879637,0.0,0.08500493569836681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17131276419920835,0.07672258596712826,0.0,0.0,0.09487521861404763,0.0,0.0973694249737936,0.09139732360368123,0.0,0.0,0.12193661138743693,0.04217016482222916,0.08651238960554164,0.0762195622801141,0.07638789879611485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467673879085271,0.0,0.08167530733903071,0.05761732058700968,0.08751197024356934,0.0,0.0,0.0958788161285636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269059698721327,0.128006040920601,0.06657305270954292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958449014439506,0.0934729851673462,0.08239941901729399,0.059841394339717476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266790156870274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268087552884026,0.0,0.055296931170253256,0.0,0.08522770227770783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756707312445926,0.0785798270034962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140237983815831,0.0,0.0,0.1759787840280264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216494318143163,0.0,0.09023735256108573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720356957609254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20132873195324336,0.0,0.08181849823066666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431924395464165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050912049673370666,0.06851447968957983,0.13847670863539935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18851958492942328,0.0,0.08796447791491474,0.0,0.09437417575414883,0.0,0.0 bpd,peachyfae,2020/01/03,"was this a justified way of reacting? what am i supposed to do this is my first time posting here. I've been trying to better myself and my bpd for a while now. long story short, my fp (technically ex bf) moved across the country a couple years ago. he acts romantic to me sometimes but occasionally avoidant. i suspect he has his own mental thing going on but he doesnt go to therapy so we dont know. however we really care abt each other. hes said im the best person hes ever met. if possible, i really want to be with him for the rest of my life because he's the only one i've ever really trusted and he usually treats me really well aside from his own issues, which he's trying to work on as well. we've also grown a lot together and it always feels right with him. we never fight or anything. today we were playing a video game where you could date NPCs. we've been playing this game every day for about a week now. he gives me gifts in the game and he'd send heart emojis through the chat thing and sleep in my in game bed and whatnot. Suddenly he stopped sleeping in my bed. I wanted to date him in the game and eventually marry him, but all of a sudden a notification popped up saying that he started dating one of the NPCs. without even thinking, i exited the game bc i didnt know what to do. i was hyperventilating and crying and was starting to split. then he texted me. im trying really hard to not let my emotions control what i say. so i text him ""i'd prefer you don't date her in the game"" and he was saying that its not a big deal and that its just a game and that it changes nothing irl. i told him that i was hoping we could get married in the game. he told me that he might but that he would see what he wanted to do. i told him i didnt care if he dated her but whenever he gets access to the wedding ring id like if he marries me. he said i was being controlling. i feel like i wasn't being controlling, i was just stating how i feel. i was very careful to try my best to explain how i felt without letting my bpd show. we kept playing after this but he kept doing romantic things to the NPC while around me and it felt on purpose. I want so badly to do something like marry her first so he cant or something impulsive like that to show him how i feel. i wanna be petty and say something. but ultimately, i DO understand that it's just a game and it doesn't change how he feels abt me irl. i refrained from doing anything else. i pretended like nothing was wrong even though i was actively having a mental breakdown over it. i just wanna know if how i reacted was okay and what my next step to cope should be. i've made improvements like being able to refrain from petty things i want to do. but i have no real guide on if that was controlling to say. even if it wasn't controlling, he perceived it that way, likely because of how i was a few years ago. how can i sort of ""make up"" with him? i asked him to text me after he left the game but he didn't. if he wants his space then that's fine even though i'm still having a breakdown. my top priority is just how he feels towards me irl. what also sucks is that i know that me being upset over this is absolutely ridiculous but that doesnt mean anything to my bpd apparently.",2.1728357822177315,3.7597081550960136,4.014335691518312,87.43636994998577,76.75480059084195,6.8779082121848205,23.250900515691,7.669130373188453,0.9873954702117184,2539,77,544,36,57,859,272,677,0.049,0.809,0.142,0.996,2,1,3,0,1,0,57.0,6,2,0,12,36,30,3,2,28,1,62,4,3,17,4,118,109,56,0,21,28,1,9,7,1,3,1,8,2,1,42,27,0,11,19,19,0,7,17,7,2,4,32,18,86,23,65,62,9,72,0,0,1,0,87,26,1,13,42,370,128,1,0.05977296581075199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597025539369542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560083832696124,0.04973589586700202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756417362648358,0.0532106121762294,0.05587965427578153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049907929733528034,0.07287409033124764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545607983889734,0.05286433086106607,0.0,0.0,0.2258458739603341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282756691021887,0.0,0.12646374443069566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33520231877602225,0.09544769885878164,0.06613764976961732,0.06565779622086579,0.03854861805385016,0.06162330312876412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005347076438098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049932643035433766,0.06723654131584561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791792074294034,0.10813613928539917,0.0503613016824349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813380449435228,0.04270181871840451,0.11478284166217065,0.0,0.0,0.1016857083671838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245781519586632,0.05733967537733329,0.06794070787757601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05354483675944476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083125228135068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05936804200636196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291301203360859,0.062387446802370086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313986352459497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649435022467196,0.12224381456765808,0.04221941344874175,0.20441436292206133,0.0,0.0,0.052897193796974586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050816838030816255,0.0,0.0565586254999844,0.03989891882336314,0.0,0.0,0.0651102828132865,0.0,0.0,0.12047418157128174,0.06340967088174641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352920314302657,0.0,0.0,0.046100596119709014,0.0,0.0635692272492472,0.0,0.0,0.11470754556243838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100741713975895,0.04546003397207328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05219144819517946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738503789847748,0.05724597847285332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803472106021352,0.19146046236315786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05104578620844565,0.11371555671493425,0.23766930761943614,0.0,0.0,0.04763131491919767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963226626362085,0.0,0.0,0.13804844797203508,0.05911699157761195,0.0,0.0846152257012338,0.0,0.04773476770835414,0.049972875874025234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835559567021925,0.0,0.15884201000566292,0.03830010296495316,0.1174532708502802,0.0,0.03485409704570745,0.0,0.05665778251914845,0.1713468910390478,0.0,0.1623276807399106,0.0,0.0,0.062225765415851425,0.0,0.0,0.06583147717954091,0.049318956725258746,0.21153386339594868,0.09488999611605796,0.04794626772366765,0.0,0.107486149416957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152380120766116,0.0,0.0435154310028144,0.0,0.0,0.04246099994178798,0.06535235479668483,0.0,0.0769836604969209 bpd,audriesager,2020/01/03,"I’m hoping I don’t scare my crush off I started talking to this girl about a week ago and it’s so good, but I’m scared because I always get too attached, and I get my hopes up just for someone to leave me, and I hope it doesn’t happen. I’m so scared. It’s making me so happy but that’s the problem; my happiness never lasts. two weeks ago I wanted to kill myself and yet here she is making me feel hopeful for the future and happier than ever. I can feel myself clinging on to her, and dying over every text, and overthinking every time it takes her more than five minutes to respond. I know she likes me back, and I so badly want to date her, but I’m so scared of it being an unhealthy relationship because I currently don’t have any friends, and don’t talk to anyone besides her. I wish I was in a healthier headspace to date, but it’s so hard when I reach out to others and no one wants to be my friend back. I also keep overthinking about how she’s a year younger than me, and people might judge me, even though LOGICALLY I know it isn’t that big of a deal. I guess it’s weird for me because I’ve never liked anyone younger than me before. Also I want to ask her to hangout, but I’m so insecure about how I look and I’m scared she’ll think I’m ugly. I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF I SHOULD CALL IT A DATE OR NOT because ack idk basically this was my late night rant, sorry",2.1399065143196303,3.3491384232081955,3.8362813473809183,90.24812731859328,76.03071672354947,6.460839887223624,22.97803828461196,6.895973343053719,0.5648802196171543,1070,30,240,10,23,359,149,293,0.19399999999999998,0.6409999999999999,0.165,-0.8608,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,0,25,21,1,6,8,0,16,0,0,4,3,50,49,32,2,12,9,0,3,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,14,13,0,1,7,1,0,0,10,10,0,3,2,4,44,11,30,42,1,29,0,0,1,0,19,7,0,8,24,160,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308462476444718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471264439987999,0.07654185492579466,0.0,0.0,0.06255537845516776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864108663363488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859968905017383,0.0,0.0,0.14146705636152454,0.07680660920486042,0.2243015010687426,0.0,0.07827549332790969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939306095521728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483617105728126,0.0,0.0,0.09546960709349277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151515891069722,0.08320892326491701,0.1550086664793987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930243645736975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214027388322512,0.0,0.09612045679217117,0.0,0.0,0.0771556437479493,0.0,0.0,0.10133577495926907,0.0,0.08134518401525997,0.19584707540256535,0.08240368562428838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654616030748378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176366297279618,0.10177171766080556,0.0,0.1516635284403665,0.07498295782488013,0.10376710778261863,0.09740260797451188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988193243406309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724722648150431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280616255271262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758533037188416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189450410718488,0.0,0.0,0.0863250365455664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233383216023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637732883601081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802063314276069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876129278670354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604830042692393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794161240207849,0.0,0.0,0.1029736670276328,0.06510997959558425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916395257704112,0.14787384776908555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05894255795905805,0.09037829781957156,0.0,0.05363927186063005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898594613036393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217028955334288,0.0,0.147575355962297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578230969325564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059237619738155674 bpd,Funeraltourettes,2020/01/03,"Confessing my attraction to my therapist So I am a 20 year old female with borderline, currently in treatment. My therapist is the ultimate target when it comes to my severe daddy issues and need to feel loved and validated. He's almost 40, tall, kind of good looking with a terrific sense of humor and the kind of therapist who feels a lot like a buddy more than a authority. And he's in a relationship with a woman who couldn't be more different than I am. And of course, my attraction started to get in the way of literally everything and I had to come clean because therapy simply will not work if I'm spending all my time trying to be the ultimate desirable romantic interest. He let me down gently. I knew he would. I had no delusions whatsoever that he would feel the same way. It hurt all the same. I'm so fucking sad and humiliated and I try to be mature and cool but at the same time my heart aches because I wasn't enough.",4.640510033444817,5.819928619565222,6.475652173913044,73.8449331103679,69.8695652173913,10.661538461538463,31.00167224080268,10.727762888450028,3.6073926421404687,742,31,140,23,13,258,107,184,0.067,0.774,0.159,0.8743,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,3,13,1,0,14,1,14,3,1,0,2,34,28,14,0,6,3,0,3,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,14,0,0,5,0,1,2,4,3,0,0,4,5,15,10,22,16,9,17,1,2,1,2,11,6,1,3,8,95,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053625554354493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110724945475467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417913201441575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663170876906012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501494463399822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261339437472732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128894779389396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974762424807518,0.07332499737931959,0.0,0.0,0.11771557407078165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631069695975215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024330584114,0.0,0.0,0.14648477084702727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922975436710741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351330341450685,0.0,0.0685659710755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785530090775315,0.0,0.0,0.11931715842924713,0.12666775301928562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406478770299532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726952819716485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067909114125375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855104279594434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933762785868523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049789310313176,0.4888576024816674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367377350747891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19057145575006812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228002594939981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217356640590608,0.0,0.0,0.19939555680525645,0.0,0.0,0.09037822867298677 bpd,rossisangria,2020/01/03,"How long do BPD episodes usually last? This is something I recently discovered about the disorder, you get episodes (from some triggers) where you suddenly become extremely reactive to something, you suddenly relive past traumatic memories, and become extrmeely paranoid, such as thinking everyone is out to get you, hate you, and abandon you and overall going borderline insane, hence ""borderline"" PD. I had an episode about 2 days ago, and it's still happening, I really want it to stop, all my productivity came to a halt, and I had suicidal thoughts, being tormented by delusions coming from my own mind.",18.150294117647054,11.517679323529416,15.717058823529415,42.93676470588238,49.88235294117648,20.658823529411766,63.41176470588235,17.122413403193686,9.859211764705881,489,30,68,18,3,156,75,102,0.218,0.768,0.013999999999999999,-0.9713,0,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,6,0,0,6,2,1,0,3,0,6,0,0,2,1,19,16,7,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,4,0,12,0,11,11,3,16,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,1,11,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939326280317651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4220965237152983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406761490989228,0.0,0.0,0.2185605786321807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646105232160545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323979336344228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21901023016087956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825984649274296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996774106900012,0.0,0.10860309944317427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689837549501921,0.0,0.0,0.18866572009112095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557670798082297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16911213844134165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929504216608301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18242080455088355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241968200231247,0.0,0.1886822286484758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942269279874273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526078807912523,0.15976310455250434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20902577299610786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244529151747262,0.0,0.151707256341473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104629959259064,0.0,0.112712166827312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ghjhv,2020/01/03,"DAE find it easier to move on if they decided to end it with you? Versus prematurely leaving the relationship in order to avoid abandonment? I have never been dumped. I’ve always ended things early with people I’m involved with. My current FP has always stuck around and we always got back in touch somehow until he triggers me again. Sometimes I wish he’d just tell me to leave him alone and versus me leaving but hoping to have him back at the same time.",4.445032467532466,6.3004972045454535,5.269675324675326,79.6727272727273,71.27272727272727,7.301298701298702,25.07142857142857,7.957251820313856,1.5694428571428565,366,11,64,5,7,119,65,88,0.086,0.81,0.10300000000000001,0.5483,1,2,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,1,1,0,6,4,1,1,2,0,5,0,0,1,1,22,10,5,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,1,12,1,14,6,1,17,0,1,0,0,10,5,0,3,10,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17932972631970462,0.0,0.0,0.4322205069432614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413895985756215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26628116462392826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306716525228924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825467967036966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848274945191474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17197562421070312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5500180866684452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18402955524387635,0.0,0.0,0.13354287131994147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003943485633847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18589679278970736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712483886015513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133950452468248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150322332454526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096433860988092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19911233997649014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdslut99,2020/01/03,"Losing your FP So after an argument last night I have completely lost my FP. I feel so alone now absolutely empty. I can't even cry. I feel so betrayed and not good enough. I tried explaining to him why I lashed out and why I've been so different the last few days and he just doesn't seem to care, immediately he refers me and compares me to his ex. I can't take it anymore. He hasn't even text back now after our argument. I thought I'd explain myself and tell him I'm struggling but no... he is fucking gone, absolutely gone. What the fuck do I do now. I feel so alone and abandoned 😥",0.8388180112570325,2.966164439024393,2.969918699186992,90.62178236397749,83.47154471544715,6.386241400875548,22.46966854283928,7.61054688173877,0.9143676047529709,458,16,103,8,13,155,76,123,0.253,0.733,0.013999999999999999,-0.9766,1,2,0,0,0,1,14.0,1,1,0,2,12,8,2,1,3,0,9,2,0,0,0,19,24,12,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,8,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,5,3,19,2,6,19,2,13,0,3,0,2,13,1,2,1,10,62,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35769676490797353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712559705586619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278321600193185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606268654418628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18105572376395251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18968509274468,0.11136679285010873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18041786187922312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17842857094849895,0.0,0.22811209914362146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26194241851754224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192868602194987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483901443980887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815207594305388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19318904931502465,0.18850481333650568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162052088575473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720488496459645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18052664621218956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983675904183706,0.0,0.1509332899854718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370916822378487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724099401920468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116406178084157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,menageonmybday,2020/01/03,"I can’t communicate unless I’m f*cked up Hi y’all just need to get this off my chest. I was diagnosed nearly a year ago and have slowly come to realizations once I’ve tried to figure out the root of my problems. I can’t speak to anyone in a meaningful manner unless I’ve altered my mind state until the point I’m either drunk/high beyond recognition. I’ve gotten better at sharing myself with others once I came to this realization, but I’m curious how other have broken out of this dangerous cycle.",3.848399999999998,5.5868116400000005,5.687000000000001,76.55350000000001,72.6,8.200000000000001,23.5,8.841846274778883,1.8353,404,11,72,8,8,139,70,100,0.113,0.799,0.08800000000000001,-0.6692,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,3,4,1,0,4,0,5,2,1,2,0,18,13,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,1,9,2,19,10,1,15,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,3,47,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22649459112453585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786588426774426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22597822302052675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29223587806296997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22009962222604415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25933772121874826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349366067642018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699608115536705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579927096165301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18945775594266065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5442205657277237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24153995693329725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444889865367429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347481866863373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454034806976162 bpd,msfantasma666,2020/01/03,"DAE get vertigo during stressful conversations? I don’t know if vertigo is the correct term for it, but I have noticed that when I am confronted with big issues and big emotions, I get the craziest sense that my head is rolling back and forth on a half pipe. I typically isolate or lash out in anger, but it hasn’t really been an option during the specific instances I’ve had this feeling. This has totally caught me off guard and I’m unsure if it’s common amongst others. Am I just wigging out?",5.8817869415807555,6.373395134020622,6.772731958762886,75.30006013745707,66.7319587628866,10.178006872852237,34.723367697594504,10.125756701596842,3.5693037800687293,396,18,73,9,6,132,71,97,0.165,0.815,0.02,-0.9157,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,1,5,0,10,3,1,0,2,18,16,9,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,3,1,8,0,7,13,2,12,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,4,4,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611819353615148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820781631102669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17174516951171553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35492258874257643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485949728928706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545227135258879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866713702379897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867116187190598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21759852703999166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890858795227604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Soft-Future,2020/01/03,"Started crushing on a guy and I'm scared Im getting too obsessed This guy and I became friends recently and it's a texting relationship because we have been too busy to meet. I've met him before though and he's really nice. So we started texting after a party where he was ensuring I'm okay because I was a little tipsy. So we talk all night till the morning and it's really really nice and I feel really happy and I don't think I'm like clingy. However, he doesn't like me he likes someone else (which is sad because it really seems like he likes me) but I stupidly like him. So I've started doing all my stupid shit like I can't stop thinking about him, idealise him, obsessively check if he is online etc etc While I know it might not be the end of the world right now, i don't know him that well or like him that much !! It's just a weird obsession. Like I don't think it's pure infatuation like I actually feel a connection but I know it's taking some weird unhealthy turn. I'm okay with him liking someone else I just don't want to lose him. I can't ghost him because I don't want to lose someone else I care about (I know he will leave me this is obviously nothing for him he doesn't care). So I'm scared about the turn I'm taking but I'm also a little happy because after an awful relationship with my ex my heart just died and now I can feel things again. BUT NOW THAT I KNOW ABOUT BPD I NEED TO HANDLE THIS SHIT BEFORE I RUIN EVERYTHING",1.1295034788108822,3.2031950686274517,3.2603310141260837,89.26890891840608,81.97385620915033,6.1706093189964175,21.308876238667512,7.359569317364363,0.6944127345561872,1145,35,247,17,31,389,134,306,0.231,0.609,0.159,-0.9788,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,3,0,0,2,21,36,4,5,12,3,21,3,3,0,4,45,54,22,2,4,10,1,3,11,1,2,0,0,0,2,15,13,0,1,12,0,1,0,10,15,1,0,4,3,39,21,16,47,6,21,0,4,0,0,30,6,2,5,26,142,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.07955214062939146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651918259773379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24847036376833134,0.0,0.13873569429476554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267207673477508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623094015288564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460529382215709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042994747109767,0.0,0.0722028685044334,0.0,0.18183356631986228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326526955763261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365747493340605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298245065613048,0.0,0.04259103884892755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143600431275482,0.0,0.17355994083454854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660205398388176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805600955707013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240073704510038,0.0,0.0,0.08631832179489146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4380941897552889,0.1634096927738788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824009273357255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648025062845657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05992686608973274,0.06044633582371905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650136314056233,0.0,0.07822101227835264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26112024459935257,0.0,0.08049154987236495,0.17504478019465244,0.0,0.0696179671562334,0.0,0.0,0.16323226233938942,0.0,0.0,0.0742131008484092,0.0,0.0,0.1673590165477021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20721588426962328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17310165367218305,0.0,0.0,0.06815469580767876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258637503246105,0.0655230010890511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05415852441986055,0.15670492169949035,0.08009336871663378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773415490687222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616567561649043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732966203057681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,whatthefuuuuuuuck,2020/01/03,"To Anyone who uses a Journal: I bought my first journal today after reading a number of posts and threads about the benefits of journaling. I’ve been having on and off “episodes” today - today has not been a good day after a succession of quite a few “happy days” **What I would love people’s help with is:** - how did your first write up go? - what did you write about? - do you write happy and sad things? - I feel scared to put my emotions on paper how do I get past this?? THANK YOU SO MUCH IN ADVANCED",-0.24914438502673875,1.9252467474747448,1.3417825311942977,95.81502673796793,101.72727272727272,3.5415329768270944,15.924539512774807,5.5289334501034215,-0.5812048722519307,384,10,78,3,17,123,68,99,0.07400000000000001,0.67,0.255,0.9664,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,4,0,5,5,9,0,1,6,0,10,1,0,3,0,13,17,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,1,1,3,1,2,0,2,5,1,10,7,15,11,2,19,0,1,0,1,10,5,0,0,10,57,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501292709331002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306073082673644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011127582886977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040072974097932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30415445066096714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340950058481186,0.0,0.10160950350762492,0.14995913232868874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806469114874125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983801987770425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16136340910485766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142996236626864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067364996866793,0.1239492864510415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122975700860005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17973160978668787,0.0,0.19016335038753884,0.17883666934658118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17899826485255235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460423342678399,0.0,0.0,0.1187789933092204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5084111718695029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441567561829336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270060691830489,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sulkystorm,2020/01/03,"Is it possible to have a healthy casual friendship with ""ex"" fp? It was more one sided romantic relationship, I crushed on him quite for some time. Wasn't talking to him a month after realising he doesn't see me as his potential girlfriend. Back then he was influencing me quite a bit and I loved the freedom of not talking to him. But now we're back to talking, and only after two days, I find myself thinking about if he messaged me when I woke up. Kind of feels like I still need more time to detach myself from him emotionally but also am wondering if it's even possible to keep the healthy distance while chatting with him, I would really to stay friends with him, he's wholesome. Just...god I don't want anyone as a fp, except myself.",4.163322884012537,5.6768012068965525,5.257115987460819,80.84993730407525,71.41379310344827,8.307210031347962,29.733542319749212,8.841846274778883,2.417896551724138,585,24,112,11,11,193,93,145,0.023,0.82,0.157,0.9515,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,8,5,0,0,6,0,9,1,0,1,0,21,18,12,0,5,6,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,2,20,5,22,13,4,17,0,0,1,1,21,3,0,4,14,81,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921610918889842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298105388019772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484913262987843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640438700582795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420625021073017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817566543598393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672259598715696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170010858198162,0.11543335741912193,0.0,0.0,0.1476819259815782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483692700670833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436204412371076,0.0,0.16826154082887101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894021822211526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583298257435914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897225479227253,0.0,0.0,0.11981011749205572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094913333546544,0.12288948122769393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643161531704736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437221451528303,0.0,0.0,0.10351279943995093,0.0,0.0,0.17347731169887504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875897946334436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222363619814224,0.12903863740638075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896175848510665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353445374065784,0.0,0.0,0.1884381303910999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784096519808988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530454358652432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752274874742086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478236594501805,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TayaJean_E,2020/01/03,"Therapy today kicked the crap out of me... So I have recently started with a new therapist. She is lovely and is really kind and all that good stuff but this is the beginning of a very intense treatment. I have quite a bit of knowledge about BPD, and I mentioned how I live in a constant state of fight or flight in regards to everything, and she mentioned that therapy was going to be a long windy road considering how far back some of this stems and that I might try and quit. But that I need to keep going. I know she’s right, because I felt so crappy after today’s session that I already was like “will I even ever get better or am I doing this because I THINK it will help” I don’t want to quit but I’m obsessing over the thought of “maybe this won’t help me at all” Anyway just had to get that out. Thanks for listening to my nonsense.",3.2312567084078694,4.490981866279071,4.457209302325584,86.67204830053673,73.36046511627906,7.617889087656528,26.602862254025048,8.139509932561175,1.5729404293381035,659,23,138,10,13,217,104,172,0.10099999999999999,0.743,0.156,0.779,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,0,4,10,9,2,1,8,0,16,2,1,2,3,30,33,15,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,12,9,0,1,5,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,5,2,19,6,22,23,4,23,0,0,0,1,10,9,1,4,12,100,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530887594509971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667254538447167,0.0,0.16913345529304485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269281029300184,0.15145401861047694,0.0,0.1747218746423234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991466726235514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916279142097712,0.12548656728513022,0.0,0.0,0.12467893560147494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319973210254285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495832532679598,0.0,0.15768356937503455,0.11635767536348775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597164702940144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330698430561808,0.0,0.14446288422113576,0.07624076368884898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777503373162917,0.0,0.12249853483668875,0.1227690818715014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520658715879132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393699771112921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14716748691442544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286435656368198,0.0,0.1339834582006954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44265991100683294,0.0,0.0,0.08887210640789195,0.0,0.13697623476434767,0.0,0.0,0.11847215053170265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819172649839583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588092925812088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277212375072227,0.3172929646673379,0.1610728080730473,0.0,0.0888906979572175,0.0,0.11013378901093736,0.0,0.0,0.2629940623106888,0.0,0.0,0.09418656688697936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446435248076672,0.08182481378731014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,piscestings,2020/01/03,"how do i keep my foot down with my friend with bpd? recently i took a break from my best friend after realizing we had a very codependent relationship. i also didn’t feel heard and was constantly disrespected, things always had to go her way, she was always pointing out my flaws and making me feel like a horrible friend when i had forgiven her for much worse. for a while i was overlooking it because despite all this, she was very caring and i wanted her to know someone was there for her through everything despite her abandonment issues as well as drug issues. i felt very empathetic towards her and could see how much she was hurting. i also didn’t know how to properly articulate my emotions, because she is very confrontational and i’m the opposite. since seeing her less, i’ve felt a lot more stable, although i miss her. when we talked she seemed like she was commuted to self improvement. lately she’s been posting about how nobody cares about her, and therefore working on anything is pointless and she should just kill herself, and other things along those lines. of course this is very alarming, and i want to be there for her but i’m afraid if i’m truly there for her things will end up exactly how they were before- there have been different situations in the past where this has happened. how do i encourage her while still keeping my distance? she doesn’t have a good support system right now as most of her friends have either screwed her over or grown tired of her behavior.",7.024651260504202,7.644185792857144,6.552815126050423,77.41806722689077,64.28571428571428,9.873949579831931,33.61344537815125,9.773937934552695,3.1575252100840325,1202,48,217,23,17,373,161,280,0.08,0.754,0.166,0.9705,1,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,2,0,1,2,21,21,3,2,8,0,29,4,1,8,2,47,54,28,1,5,5,0,4,2,4,2,2,1,0,1,9,15,0,3,8,0,0,3,3,8,1,0,19,7,46,13,31,31,9,29,0,3,2,1,37,10,1,5,14,166,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610613793441887,0.16758288172875066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286848303143693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277299773315525,0.0,0.08568927910976228,0.0,0.10567966567856424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682959904193905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20534310942611164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882219057180656,0.0,0.08040169052099544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521129002820427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678138728238653,0.0,0.0,0.11327526281334485,0.08919134737822539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050371880270784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018350750798994,0.07194093633122578,0.1933778314780856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112058981345289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05723079585849696,0.08446336408657376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890497125085922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780268577886057,0.0,0.0,0.2102117180476259,0.0,0.17901565457178234,0.11141092504628453,0.0,0.11068545949501446,0.0,0.1135953065661125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839501059421688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561253405709175,0.0,0.0,0.06721881327080767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805389429561394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096130661823856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519515562390518,0.0,0.09644388497109277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943025719590408,0.108115370763474,0.0,0.08599824939110604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604915901391188,0.09167456355808504,0.1050532829479998,0.0,0.0,0.08330104886054962,0.11319233486348455,0.0,0.0,0.08532377498290711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804200848478724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427449492845072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093978636096097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20070414922894445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574118175714747,0.0,0.0,0.11188270570983352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41544505973993867,0.1187923188847474,0.07993190189477073,0.0,0.0,0.09054244601016426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331165147422758,0.0,0.1026230958882848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jadexsasha,2020/01/03,How to get over an obsession How do I get over an obsession with someone. How do I move on? The only way I know is with a new one and I don't want to go that route. I'm not using people to fill the void like every lowkey neurotypical.,0.16442307692307526,1.8206696730769245,2.9890769230769263,92.15592307692309,83.03846153846155,6.467692307692308,18.09230769230769,7.554174236665415,0.21099538461538447,181,4,44,3,5,64,36,52,0.122,0.828,0.05,-0.3658,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,5,0,4,0,0,4,0,10,11,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,2,0,1,0,0,4,1,8,11,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,28,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28584812345096666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35450730366670835,0.0,0.19281395837618912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864529512457629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574932422786928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605884458126144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276673788524341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22989693873506545,0.25802878338759544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352058787172012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874608775095521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930188281951647,0.0,0.0,0.20010919720116066,0.2692953360804918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,buffysummers__,2020/01/03,"Chronic lateness Does anyone else struggle with the worst time management ever? It doesn’t matter how long I have to get somewhere, it could be 7 hours or 30 minutes but I’m still going to be late. I just can’t seem to care enough to actually TRY. I am 5-15 minutes late to work every. single. day. And it is starting to really upset my co workers (I am a bartender/server) ugh someone tell me I’m not alone and how to fix this!!!",0.6957303370786541,2.9407402022471945,2.9956067415730345,89.43745505617979,85.17977528089888,4.908314606741573,22.38314606741573,6.2581,0.515664269662921,334,12,68,3,10,114,67,89,0.139,0.78,0.08199999999999999,-0.7315,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,0,2,2,0,9,1,0,2,1,13,16,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,8,13,3,11,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,10,42,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.17876004762013858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18972219864858425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280857154310581,0.187692488359492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867671350046081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625660856213735,0.0,0.0,0.1181377908262601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16030455586605874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302577462263176,0.0,0.0,0.1892768629919444,0.0,0.0,0.16569938494049175,0.1543394607709794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570548413391827,0.0,0.10410704119946344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803982184346555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6199147373374237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211106731124372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735163124426805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667627965349605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521024343959816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965777165662545,0.0,0.14629006920019574,0.0,0.0,0.19150249929066795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16010989438316686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681539920502288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436913799201765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333593043035582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BoopTheTree,2020/01/03,"Sinking I'm sinking. I've been out of work for a while now and it's been getting to me. I have a new job lined up but it's minimum wage, which I'm not looking forward to. I've been eating like shit and haven't been working out. My one friend who I thought I could rely on hasn't been responding back to me. I haven't been social. My roommate who I enjoy talking with has been away, and I'm stuck with the one who I have no connection with. This sucks. I will also be starting a bpd group this month, which I'm excited for. But I'm not sure if my shit job will allow me to take those days off. I cant miss this opportunity for therapy.",0.6891754288876584,2.3710780503597126,2.841870503597125,93.73194798007748,81.44604316546763,6.003541781959047,22.203099059214168,7.010146845296331,0.46498406198118397,495,16,118,6,13,168,78,139,0.142,0.698,0.16,0.3711,3,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,3,10,3,0,4,0,18,3,2,1,1,17,31,8,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,11,8,1,0,1,0,1,1,7,4,0,2,9,1,14,6,17,18,0,14,0,1,1,0,8,7,3,1,9,79,25,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15426835403202765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812432941079998,0.14833424462312494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429607093446009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402123722733385,0.0,0.0,0.12440961735164305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19739291062606415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904014191905304,0.0,0.10078640015424986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828625898248881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942450411833099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199402580460834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397722147412068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18631162303817395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614387305641884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.396034313016602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19664528011718407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654118335588425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818133846086968,0.0,0.1450427106427772,0.15505203877492973,0.0,0.0,0.22060696155944906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314730084989736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808784539248224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BasedWhiskey,2020/01/03,Memory I suppose I don’t have much of one. It’s beginning to register that other people remember way more than me about their pasts. Does anyone else here feel like their memory is a series of insignificant patches?,5.842916666666667,7.7044981250000015,7.0150000000000015,68.51666666666668,67.75,11.333333333333336,28.333333333333336,11.20814326018867,3.9133333333333318,175,6,28,6,3,59,36,40,0.063,0.871,0.066,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,5,1,5,5,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24253011531545784,0.3553954529002452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035364426778321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28975408101179195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538105793104458,0.24779433829495365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694565555100796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25497942228650705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23503892725859826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311137573581882,0.2404666096155149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929207756992408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753185286257503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,le_rougarou,2020/01/03,"Has anyone been able to let go of FPs altogether? I’m working through some of my BPD traits after a recent relapse, and, well, having an FP sucks. I have one of the best ones I could ever ask for right now. Kind, present, supportive, patient, optimistic, understanding. But you know, I always want more. I love him so much, but I want to love him in a more healthy, non-grasping way. I often just want to melt into him... and I’ve felt this way about all of my previous FPs. I want to dissolve into them to obliterate myself. And that makes me super needy, clingy, and fearful. I go to them for regulation and support and it’s overwhelming because they’re often either the only person, or among the only few who see what I’m actually going through. I would love to be able to have a nice solid support network without taxing a single person. I would love to not have to lay awake at night thinking about what the hell I would do if my FP moved away, got into a romantic relationship, (it for sure doesn’t help that he’s my ex and I still love him) and didn’t have space for me. I want to be close friends — we have a deep bond from before and beyond the romantic relationship — but I don’t want to need him the way a child needs a parent. Has anyone freed themselves of FPs— just, not having any or needing any, while maintaining a few close/intimate relationships with people? Can it be done without cutting a person out and moving on to the next one? I just want to be free. I’m tired of obsessing over someone and asking for the impossible while also feeling helpless and sleeping on my whole life from being so preoccupied. What have you done that’s worked for you? Thanks for reading and for your input!",4.713174954438948,5.733965607784432,5.477071075240822,81.65950663889612,69.5688622754491,8.084144753970321,27.994793022650352,8.321376580360154,1.855729393387139,1339,45,260,19,23,436,180,334,0.08199999999999999,0.654,0.265,0.9965,1,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,1,4,2,4,15,25,3,3,19,0,28,8,1,1,3,60,64,24,0,15,14,2,2,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,11,20,0,0,5,1,2,5,7,7,1,3,6,3,35,19,50,48,11,34,1,2,1,5,32,16,2,6,10,192,46,4,0.16380422321168409,0.0,0.07992464640566639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549708906077398,0.06814911789742578,0.0,0.0,0.11139248887010317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453572150750345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531348367581813,0.0,0.07694972990633707,0.0,0.0,0.04992676704700536,0.0,0.06969266460101406,0.0,0.08595121317159495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315284244822112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653921716817885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762859195712315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408514893186477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216264569899328,0.04141216851101948,0.0,0.0786388711078458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327736825970143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139640572381508,0.0,0.06550460055147564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05489725898697849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528844580098575,0.045011258613309686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375045815480704,0.0578498835604044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36959926698101386,0.0,0.054670295477218994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409796604452327,0.06020747580803657,0.18218813393353187,0.0,0.0,0.08710382485201096,0.07685958354088472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649697140228129,0.12458049305347915,0.0,0.0,0.09094260247685114,0.0,0.0,0.056780611749910725,0.21454129422752505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192427548041009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086845446640299,0.2637966505651693,0.0,0.06994395580585416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526537904772002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196126033134192,0.0,0.06939539338123203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540713212569603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27882463699912763,0.0771917709168291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540446047093291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05247956605470255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941344290035802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852629866147827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33815591204966466,0.1950302518896592,0.0,0.0,0.07363983438183587,0.0,0.0,0.09144078271489596,0.0,0.15790142580872674,0.0,0.11925142539698873,0.0,0.0,0.17454273059522896,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ifhy8866,2020/01/03,"Sudden decrease in dosage of medication - looking for knowledge and experiences about side effects of this TLDR: going from 225mg to 150mg of Effexor suddenly. How bad will it be? I’m currently on 225mg of Effexor/Venlafaxine (an SNRI). I take this daily, in the form of a 150mg capsule and a 75mg capsule. I’ve been on this dosage for about a year now. I have BPD, if it’s relevant. I have lost (or run out of?) my 75mg capsules. I can’t find any in my house. I’ve searched and searched. I still have a few of my 150mg though, so I took one this morning. My question is, will the side effects of decreasing my dosage suddenly by 75mg effect me much in terms of mood and side effects? I’ve accidentally gone cold turkey once over a weekend - it was hell, physically and mentally. It’s Friday night where I am. I currently have no GP. I’m going to try a pharmacy tomorrow to see if I can get even a small prescription so I don’t have to keep taking a smaller dose. On Monday I’m going to contact my psychologist and my last doctors office to sort out a new prescription. I’m not worried about the long term - just how much I’ll suffer if I can’t get any over the next few days lol.",2.3729268292682946,3.8312164146341487,4.5086260162601635,84.64562195121955,75.91056910569105,8.009430894308943,27.340650406504068,8.697196308434329,1.9948933333333336,922,37,198,19,20,319,129,246,0.087,0.892,0.021,-0.9366,2,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,5,13,5,1,0,14,1,16,3,0,6,0,25,33,15,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,8,8,0,1,7,1,0,6,5,4,0,1,5,3,19,0,33,25,7,41,1,2,2,0,2,16,1,6,19,118,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301721211468301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130471747883666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21314640501765675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914300818291664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17321988183526188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117785655234044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554496139090727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467833861482286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768373077729224,0.0,0.2885415979949043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19527524393824708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042444154239082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794966059381408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497682445417753,0.1421153417263724,0.0,0.18474072798519425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048713545159858,0.17054975312858595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488153834464082,0.0,0.0,0.16344886698230285,0.1799840575388229,0.15881621421258624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18023046785574184,0.11467847147478473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18958268449594853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485891988986212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351518265927088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25448832801747984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662731888807892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802705902912925,0.11489991264122898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17186704022160204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898222441889996 bpd,livingawareness1,2020/01/03,"Bpd episode? Hi! In your experience....What does a bpd episode look like? How do you react, respond, behave, feel and think? can you control it..are there certain words or things that trigger you? Just trying to reach out, see how others experience are. Thanx.",1.923260869565219,4.618151652173914,2.043804347826089,90.65092391304348,97.69565217391305,4.039130434782609,23.14130434782609,5.985473137389443,0.6242260869565213,200,8,36,2,8,60,39,46,0.0,0.852,0.14800000000000002,0.7142,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,4,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,5,1,13,7,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,3,7,0,2,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,1,1,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.713230340411713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175747155372972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477848453783971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27697321274665604,0.0,0.0,0.14316820721216592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383318788182114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377731248829435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256324082328164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18811104263507145,0.18142989506393364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19223900069905284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jmdeman,2020/01/03,paranoia is absolutely debilitating lol jesus does anyone else have horrific paranoia all the time? like with my s/o as soon as im not with her i get overly paranoid that shes cheating on me when she 100% is not. or ill convince myself shes ignoring me or shes dead if she doesnt reply to texts fast. i get so paranoid shes gonna leave me for absolutely no reason and jesus it sucks so bad. i hate living my life like this. she constantly validates me 24/ fucking 7 and loves me so incredibly much and is the best thing to have happened to me yet i still convince myself shes gonna abandon me,1.2676178660049615,3.4786720645161324,3.736451612903228,85.26313895781641,82.38709677419354,6.396029776674937,24.054590570719604,7.61054688173877,1.2929759305210924,472,18,97,8,13,164,76,124,0.292,0.569,0.139,-0.9641,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,7,13,4,0,2,1,11,4,0,1,1,14,20,12,1,1,5,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,24,6,10,18,3,9,2,1,0,2,10,2,2,3,9,65,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469659522794447,0.2413408370998828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19666791315390456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471870256502564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545374594012029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061245819786853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19676529875052007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177549847641225,0.24612217417768914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082892052001843,0.0,0.0,0.2325491754984544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544260143368537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24940519890680066,0.0,0.0,0.16637043415503286,0.23014805971839236,0.0,0.20798809354079908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21258604763415825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17315063182629611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24217662927120734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18810431929781352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15648378321731396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734656130682965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,-dva,2020/01/03,Does anyone take/have experience with Gabapentin? I got prescribed it today for my overactive anxiety and being too sensitive to sounds and stimuli.,8.708750000000002,11.867825708333335,7.773333333333332,60.70500000000001,62.75,11.466666666666667,41.16666666666667,11.20814326018867,6.095566666666668,123,7,15,4,2,38,23,24,0.075,0.925,0.0,-0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34558099766580563,0.0,0.0,0.3158681480986805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39532201559546826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4418898523101791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612989309502524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396533749425409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4281981046947631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bleurusse,2020/01/03,"DAE have the urge to cheat even though they’re happy ? im dating somebody and i have never ever cheated on a partner but for some reason, especially when im mad at my partner, i think about messing around with my old fp. obviously i wont because i dont want to be that kind of person but like. the urge is there. sometimes i just miss him so bad and idk why i feel this way because i dont even like sex. i dont even want to have sex with my partner because im just not interested in it so idk why i feel so strongly about my ex fp. i guess it’s because we were so close for so long. i was honestly falling in love with him before we stopped seeing each other. that’s part of the reason i couldnt see him anymore. i really don’t understand the effects he has on me. i walk past him and all i can think about is how good he smells and how i miss him holding me. maybe i just miss the intimacy. i guess that would make more sense since i’m usually more sex repulsed than anything. but i still feel gross having these thoughts. my head and heart feel so heavy and i wish the thoughts would just go away this whole situation is upsetting me because i definitely dont want to feel this way. im happy right now and content in my relationship and yet i still feel the need to ruin everything. im tired of missing someone that was never even really mine in the first place",1.5699676249676282,3.506829793706295,3.2704817404817415,90.48142061642064,79.73426573426573,6.1950789950789975,23.529655529655532,7.242747475848597,0.8228996632996632,1075,37,236,14,27,357,145,286,0.171,0.687,0.142,-0.8376,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,2,0,0,3,28,22,3,1,9,0,22,7,2,6,5,59,50,21,0,8,8,1,6,2,3,3,1,0,0,4,11,16,0,2,14,0,0,3,10,12,0,1,5,9,39,10,26,40,7,32,0,5,2,4,16,12,0,3,17,153,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122247047114982,0.0,0.0,0.06739645419580274,0.07290807446277554,0.0,0.0,0.07694744060681312,0.0,0.06838280764829338,0.24962640848225115,0.0,0.06969059120343245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839432364318483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21637585161398248,0.07408294485530223,0.0,0.0,0.07360614694156473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24846561884854004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966382169106689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0465454726642369,0.06869356166112832,0.0,0.0,0.1804434508610472,0.0,0.0,0.17436745384779906,0.0,0.0,0.08405269457608512,0.0,0.0,0.09705150917108464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4423285151122676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528590841978105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002408855599481,0.0,0.0,0.07247863511603336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391765423727921,0.0,0.05466866900391542,0.0,0.08227923157193623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072757124328799,0.12633215658344113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593993187285692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868936692751464,0.07818250690031209,0.0,0.07151163716613115,0.08556772888647185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493405789371024,0.16841301248165744,0.0,0.08792960082011479,0.0,0.06994187493221206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052687472895216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774825746312457,0.0920586661282162,0.0,0.0,0.06939332882764326,0.0,0.08100087271465835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081037245042998,0.0684717954996595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049560095137642,0.08046601483072417,0.13003838728752254,0.0,0.09413162844919533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526044999100371,0.0,0.0,0.09020092128059763,0.0,0.14491965073425778,0.13001629975030812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14780343596186915,0.09143806229806548,0.0941805843433633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635835856452485,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chonkylizard,2020/01/03,"I just had a major think, and I’m more manipulative than I thought I couldn’t sleep and decided to read old texts between me and my ex (I know, dumb). I started reading from the major fight that caused the downfall of our relationship and it basically confirmed that I wasn’t overreacting, and he was most definitely manipulative as hell and emotionally abusive and v gaslighty. But as I kept reading on, I started seeing that my responses were getting more manipulative and I was being more nasty back to him, while he was becoming nicer and more understanding towards me. 2017 was one of the worst years of my life because of my mental health and I was taking out all my problems on him, while he was trying to talk to me and reassure me. Every time he tried to bring up himself and his feelings, I just didn’t really reply to that part of the conversation and kind of ignored it. I then tried to kill myself for the 2nd time that year but it was a weak attempt and I think it more to get attention from him, but he was “too busy” to come visit me when I was in hospital and then a psych ward for 2 weeks and visiting hours lasted til p late in the hospital. After I was discharged, his response was to show me pictures of him on holiday without really addressing anything about not visiting me or apologising, so I just ignored those messages cause that hurt me. We then saw each other in person 2 months after I ignored that one message, and he didn’t message me AT ALL during that period, and I ended up getting so angry and blowing up at him over text, and he kept apologising and I kept not accepting it. As I was reading all of the convo, it just hit me how manipulative I was being and how nasty I started being towards the end of our relationship (at that point it turned into a friendship). I feel so confused because I felt so horrible about the emotional abuse I endured and it still affects me to this day, but I never thought about how I treated him or how it affected him. I really really try SO hard to be aware of how I’m treating others and not be manipulative but I literally didn’t think about that towards him purely cause he was emotionally abusive towards me. But(!!!) I did recognise I wasn’t being emotionally abusive, just manipulative and imo they aren’t necessarily the same thing but I would also love any input on if that actually is the case. This is mostly a rant, but I was also wondering if anyone can give me any insight on my behaviour or if they’ve experienced something similar (recognising manipulative behaviour).",6.8837992988606524,6.950306926380371,7.9437708150744974,69.2154984662577,64.60327198364008,10.912094653812444,36.07369266725095,10.608840637214634,3.9239447268477945,2033,91,364,48,28,693,217,489,0.166,0.7959999999999999,0.038,-0.9971,1,0,1,0,3,1,41.0,3,0,1,1,25,18,4,1,16,0,35,5,1,17,5,103,66,61,1,6,23,1,4,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,26,30,0,6,15,6,0,5,12,12,0,2,30,7,68,6,60,27,16,56,1,1,2,1,39,22,2,10,29,290,94,5,0.0,0.3875626896645273,0.07980115511567164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307917794777563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122037672741722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057179376383563525,0.0,0.06729432221700986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288036173549727,0.0,0.09969925074975644,0.09031468669785038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520180939324708,0.0,0.07044240829358132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0527384742634577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36794601547543376,0.14485775652880273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889944041426012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269636543027366,0.0,0.07851736646474049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817307255960125,0.0784465733619335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325484382953071,0.0,0.0,0.0869236015348131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053245903405626,0.0,0.08754243359214918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047254654964088,0.08515666692341457,0.04494171187597122,0.06665799986643882,0.0922463991467063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057760499908825126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738056400907627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824105356427114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527247575176626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307035698641603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580969927524873,0.0,0.11082647834499117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855496786082369,0.0,0.0,0.07140326907618272,0.0,0.0,0.07730434106804225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824817161756692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271907782822657,0.0,0.20955008353770252,0.0,0.0,0.17559270619226028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516453774015023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183462227633519,0.0,0.0,0.06295482508446061,0.0,0.0,0.1736434972859739,0.0,0.06530607179594412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06148504774124865,0.06572810149649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05432805168876124,0.1571954401854273,0.0,0.1298413282883336,0.0953679790779171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222080962824386,0.08894833221155303,0.0,0.08513124707411056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559542556989137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788287264355953,0.08868211186681135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05809101507873651,0.0,0.0,0.10532156540999847 bpd,shadynasty_reynolds,2020/01/03,DAE feel very aware of their disorder and yet so unable to control it? I know many people in particular my dad who have personality disorders he has NPD. Many of them just seem to act out but never feel ashamed or guilty of their actions. It’s like Michael Scott from the office he never even knows he’s being cringey. I constantly will act a certain way and then when I’m normal again I just cringe at the way I acted and am extremely ashamed. It’s like I have a logical me that can see everything for what it is and judge but then there’s this uncontrollable monster in me that acts out and I just struggle to stop it.,4.166044444444445,5.353121800000004,4.930666666666667,84.44977777777778,71.0,8.435555555555556,28.288888888888888,8.841846274778883,2.0136222222222218,495,18,103,9,9,160,83,125,0.114,0.767,0.11900000000000001,0.1777,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,3,1,9,7,0,4,4,0,8,0,0,1,3,25,15,12,0,1,6,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,10,7,0,2,6,0,0,5,2,4,0,0,0,3,12,3,13,13,0,21,0,0,1,0,9,5,0,2,11,68,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20697680510472144,0.2148181332653845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43902189263981106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650431934294254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213557703123164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19368750414676664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21052069120690406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18714459637345768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38836443770420864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954407963828715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876595660944576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327833746600395,0.16723734959000933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262528900873498,0.17436249146355678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16012836588302226,0.0,0.20022962909967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803300909436044,0.0,0.30405654569519164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,spanglesakura,2020/01/03,"Does anyone find it hard to forget comments/criticism? Yesterday my boyfriend decided to tell me, not for the first time, that my legs have no muscle. Admittedly I don’t work out as I’ve been having problems with balance that I’m working on but I do walk often and add in yoga. My diet is healthy, but after years of anorexia this is the most comfortable I feel in my recovered body. Now I’m laying here at 5AM crying as I’m too sick for the gym, constantly tired from my medication and already eat healthy. I can’t do anymore. Apparently I should be over it as it’s yesterday and he’s already forgotten it. I can’t forget. I still remember things my dad said about my appearance over ten years ago. I feel as I’m overreacting and i apologise for rambling but I needed to get this out.",2.5533333333333346,4.779435968152868,4.425757961783443,81.97439065817413,77.85350318471338,8.008322717622082,27.66411889596603,8.841846274778883,2.4340712526539265,625,27,121,15,15,212,99,157,0.14400000000000002,0.7609999999999999,0.095,-0.5941,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,0,3,0,12,7,2,0,0,26,23,11,0,3,4,1,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,9,8,2,0,6,2,0,2,5,1,0,2,2,4,18,1,23,19,1,21,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,3,11,82,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670491388581613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159174871574729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18689129687563366,0.1317682937613845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093249460612492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20364699511385748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070029609209152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649134545375323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928309167139053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19057149032054546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722394573042513,0.1602950748189928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845710199215374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16881376453676486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18984307660986025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397329394184932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803207505242856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21347658260890925,0.0,0.17925865851160647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049603890544802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16471319636373513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519749474683284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988643701071248,0.21659501386545754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274387006016194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24271063883695765 bpd,we_dont_eat_horses,2020/01/03,"I never feel truly sorry or remorseful for my actions, despite regretting the things I did I feel regret about things, I wish I hadn't done things because maybe now a situation is tense, or someone is mad at me, and I can recognize that I made someone upset, and sometimes it hurts me that I did that to someone else. I never feel truly remorseful, like empathizing with someone else and feeling the way I hurt them. I have been told many times I have no empathy. I rarely learn from my mistakes and often do things I regret again and again.",8.39875,7.031115990384617,8.17969230769231,73.46530769230772,62.17307692307693,11.012307692307694,37.14615384615385,9.888512548439397,3.5727600000000006,429,17,78,7,5,138,64,104,0.295,0.615,0.08900000000000001,-0.9699,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,5,9,1,1,3,0,11,0,0,1,2,22,18,7,0,5,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,7,4,19,1,6,11,0,9,0,5,0,0,2,1,0,3,7,61,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223087416536747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483209193937275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527829189009081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060066356196342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32393885073553674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391737603686832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431634054776927,0.0,0.1533941173692384,0.1520008539896521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333832647701479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006716763516605,0.0,0.0,0.5127828756526295,0.0,0.1496392417784152,0.16936759282874989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40206710973445975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822405395822153,0.0,0.0,0.1445733179352222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009463516527324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398715296605194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lilac12345,2020/01/03,"Over it I don’t even know how to start this I’ve posted a few times on here but honestly I don’t know what’s wrong with me I’ve done everything wrong in my 18 years of life and although people tell me I’m young it can change I don’t care I can’t move on from the wasted 18 growing up was so difficult I was abused physically and emotionally and constantly torn down I’m convinced my mother had some fucking type of mental disorder that made her think it was okay to treat me the way she did my dad was in and out of my life and mostly just hit on my mom instead of me going to school was okay but as I got older I was bullied I wasn’t pretty I was fat and annoying I know teachers saw that I might’ve needed help cause I was always crying at recess and on the bus but they did nothing and sometimes made it worst me crying and literally having mental breakdowns on the bus lasted till middle school boys never liked me girls or other friends used me cause I was overly nice cause I was so lonely I only had two bestfriends my whole life and they’ve dissapointed me too but they’ve always truly loved me one of the few people in this world I believe really do after a suicide attempt in 8th grade my mom sent me to therapy I had one therapist my mom didn’t like her so she gave me another and I started seeing a psychiatrist too because my mom was still hitting me but I started fighting back I also had a lot of anger issues developing I would break things destroy things threaten people In the house and have fantasies of murdering them I was literally a sociopath but I don’t think that way anymore but I felt like I couldn’t tell my psychiatrist or therapist cause my mom said if I told them about being suicidal I’d be sent to a ward like my sister was I kept all my feelings inside and I just kept exploding then in high school I started acting out my grades were okay but pretty much destroyed my gpa till now I’m abt a 2.5 I spent my time partying and drinking to deal with things and had terrible friends who eventually turned on me for speaking out about things they were doing that upset me I had plans when I was younger to be something go to college get a good job maybe even sing be famous even though my life sucked I thought it was okay cause I could be something later in it but I fucked that up to I still need to do another sat cause my last sat score was shit and I need to apply for colleges but I keep forgetting I lost my boyfriend of two years even though he sucked towards the end I don’t know how to recover from that blow he made me feel safe and okay I had never relied on anyone like that before in my life and he did what everyone does or I do and ruined everything I lost my grandma which I weirdly don’t even feel anything towards I almost lost my job cause of my dumbass and my bestfriends dumbass and I have no car so when I get upset I’m stuck in the house there’s so much I can’t say here but I’m at the point where I’m slowly distancing myself from literally everyone as soon as they make a mistake or do something wrong I no longer care about them or our friendship I feel nothing but anger and resentment and I’m lonely but I just want everyone to get the fuck out of my life I want to date someone new but when I try they all suck and I end up just wanting my ex back cause I can’t stand the change and he won’t talk to me I feel pathetic and dumb cause of school like I’ve dug myself into a hole I can’t get out of and I can’t speak to my family or mom about it cause now when I threaten suicide she doesn’t even bat an eye I want to die I had a really bad headache and I was scared it was something serious but I found comfort in the fact that it might take me out and slept soundly I refuse to really eat until I start feeling pain cause I hate my body and I have no idea who I am I change styles and spend my money on clothes like there’s no tomorrow I had a mental breakdown and started crying on the floor on my knees begging my mom to help me and she had no sympathy so I quickly snapped and started destroying things and cussing I hate my life I really just hate everything and want it to stop I want the constant pain I feel to stop if there is peace after death like everyone says there is I hope I find it I’m Tired of being this mistake",0.8498834833268134,3.1472978403547707,2.589200469544803,92.24990304769359,85.00886917960088,5.665858006173644,21.03825920612148,7.048011613610866,0.5431623494630671,3420,110,737,48,102,1126,341,902,0.265,0.614,0.121,-0.9995,2,4,5,0,3,4,1.0,1,0,7,5,48,68,20,3,27,5,72,22,6,18,5,142,159,82,6,17,28,11,8,8,2,3,11,6,0,2,33,45,3,7,18,3,3,8,23,42,0,4,59,17,143,26,90,87,11,101,0,6,3,4,53,43,8,14,53,492,176,12,0.0,0.04776597351958282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04036904970054035,0.0,0.0,0.03223941231557323,0.06708962313726857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454633010352802,0.0,0.0,0.0399810534866737,0.02818876688638625,0.0,0.03317531742612603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06199857259034724,0.03366084132009328,0.024575284970580025,0.0,0.034304586381819525,0.04542052518723722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04478021183693235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220643828962898,0.4555539500055073,0.12794187386919548,0.0,0.0,0.0871310921392514,0.0,0.032187769186257306,0.0,0.13285043109288774,0.0,0.04156237774863725,0.0,0.0,0.04183998393542352,0.0,0.04620379679669154,0.0,0.035279404427937484,0.04125562959729507,0.0,0.039492765618543625,0.0,0.04125169723742295,0.0,0.04534827551911328,0.07141318756405846,0.0,0.0,0.15976369186546746,0.0,0.0,0.1540885530816956,0.10869595374585272,0.0,0.03800482984578058,0.0,0.14268920897979906,0.0,0.03870814758385082,0.0,0.03684663261542565,0.0,0.0,0.04420266040676097,0.062293613191754686,0.1118100437116313,0.0842504434759349,0.0,0.04582320683812168,0.033813807275650684,0.032243109671429925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940637549928546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05404378707071331,0.04259437860058905,0.0,0.04004129708706944,0.0,0.09303481323519586,0.0,0.04551005220939966,0.0,0.042077761157252654,0.08001164575211696,0.03583329238940956,0.0,0.0,0.08862296301021229,0.06572323583046069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19932677813312547,0.1575646417165301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202379455589291,0.03427386249995163,0.03638532133444323,0.11443938438656055,0.026910176048722458,0.0,0.04050123493212954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188230399531197,0.0855344183221411,0.0,0.33051017857978626,0.0,0.042847828743991866,0.059271447476211075,0.08967785367435083,0.062185903483980724,0.038935900185104184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773655110522586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546361636046824,0.030660918978412523,0.08579473114852651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384678983384833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0381101401850744,0.0,0.03861005270859137,0.08202847923200796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330575164448706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0383482277329968,0.06411926035120465,0.040361748807225886,0.16320130641085534,0.03212535847355344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04138215380779352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034158261567059985,0.1241439834373013,0.0398719739215802,0.0,0.19974318615903008,0.0,0.06439026623069807,0.06740928962934845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229223585157418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030311412739971764,0.03240318884453392,0.07047312768300519,0.0,0.04610303155191712,0.09361625475097733,0.13391548503196452,0.05166368131597459,0.07921738957569334,0.03200513162986058,0.047015303430730175,0.046335474037960483,0.0,0.0385221382704239,0.0,0.02737083231271629,0.04385049226184035,0.07876262471067283,0.0,0.0,0.03481869903229267,0.0,0.0,0.1426708710943352,0.06399939086195197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04500958956616929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02863819414999362,0.1322324081434186,0.0,0.05192230561481165 bpd,Stonergal710,2020/01/03,Boyfriend doesn’t get it I have been with my boyfriend for two years. I decided to tell him when I found out I had bpd because it was new for me and I didn’t know what to quite think. A year now since I’ve been diagnosed anytime we argue he will be like “oh that’s your bpd” . He cheated on me and I cheated on him as well. But he read that bpd people often keep cheating and have backup options. Yes I left him for someone else before and got back with him and he’s done the same. Yet tonight he told me that bpd defines me and it doesn’t that is now what I feel all he sees me for. I’m so tired of him using my illness against me. I don’t know what to do anymore.,0.3210204081632675,1.980837802721091,1.910442176870749,100.06729591836736,82.5374149659864,4.74421768707483,21.3843537414966,5.288315135182226,-0.3140258503401361,515,16,129,2,14,167,88,147,0.13,0.82,0.05,-0.9143,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,1,0,1,8,6,4,0,2,1,15,3,0,1,1,23,27,10,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,10,10,0,1,6,1,0,0,4,4,1,1,9,2,24,2,15,16,2,13,0,0,1,0,16,4,0,2,10,84,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405728251593408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899305727119632,0.0,0.08640635841578809,0.0,0.1206144461706684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7140908176807674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143868061495305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450542169468376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840965235122212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167046630055712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541593607603274,0.0,0.0,0.07405584537865594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336632287456165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259893551233956,0.0,0.0,0.15579854953659156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400621829787495,0.0,0.0,0.06924938470760489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368980807613421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826804698392287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076311922040786,0.14178323029507406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295231130888565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725282296844912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009997016746547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389126589069263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082439064717372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291487898848006,0.0,0.13544329965335225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846414372541002,0.0,0.0,0.12242205906289134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274456629103494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18255810071371933 bpd,mentolyn,2020/01/03,"Jump from person to person? Does anyone else date someone extremely intensely for a few weeks, then suddenly just lose feelings entirely and want someone else? Any tricks to stop this? I've been doing this all my life and it feels like I have no control",4.8884042553191485,7.202185021276598,4.8095212765957465,81.50875,71.12765957446808,8.104255319148937,28.77127659574468,8.841846274778883,2.5089617021276602,204,8,35,4,4,63,40,47,0.17800000000000002,0.742,0.08,-0.6201,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,9,6,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,2,2,1,4,5,2,6,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050816736786572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503732831361234,0.2418401358741464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647271766292079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20655102348922405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943447545551411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386872343676297,0.16861953621819803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671463016779856,0.1153121011394184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640566588188546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4121837454868989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.399974092629621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19733124738633032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921632618462404,0.0,0.18932864382832232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lovelyflower7890,2020/01/03,How to raise your self esteem I imagine black eyeshadow around my eyes and make them look like racoon eyes after saying I hate my self.,11.315769230769227,7.711368269230771,9.073076923076924,76.3219230769231,58.61538461538462,11.93846153846154,33.69230769230769,8.841846274778883,2.5729692307692305,109,2,21,1,1,32,22,26,0.131,0.78,0.08900000000000001,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,5,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,6,1,3,3,0,2,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,0,2,11,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.311975616677107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34599772716768434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17121261643678778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942905075630361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339287088718963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786926358382252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7311934753674745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pinkmor,2020/01/03,"Can't watch my partner with his phone. Help! I can't stop imagining he is contacting with someone else. I hate that he picks his phone and browses shit. I can't stand him with that fucking cellphone I want him to give me that time to me. I just can't stand him browsing FB or Insta, I even have this feeling of going through his phone and check what the fuck he browse so much. I hate that. Any way I can stop this feeling?",0.6860227272727286,2.9532628295454586,1.653363636363636,98.88254545454548,85.47727272727272,4.883636363636365,21.3,6.2581,0.053178181818182235,331,11,76,3,10,103,54,88,0.161,0.7170000000000001,0.12300000000000001,-0.8170000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,5,0,1,0,7,3,1,1,0,14,16,4,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,7,5,0,2,3,0,1,1,4,5,0,0,0,3,17,0,7,16,1,7,0,0,1,2,17,0,3,1,3,46,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16004050356927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19659788699182426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544104842484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237991784531455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43513942914134107,0.0,0.2257613123339232,0.13375017621219934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4647026362372363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577446569686388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17300331188737694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24157498986858764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19940435508306045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935125884190129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722970417030605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881069924988476,0.18680337750037693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,capicorncolumbine666,2020/01/03,"anyone else feel like their mind is a bunch of broken fragments? i feel like my mind is just a bunch of broken ideas, thoughts, and things that i'll just forget later. especially when it comes to who i am as a person and aspects of my personality. i always forget what my favorite thing is after a certain point in time. only for something new for me to be into. i just keep moving towards what makes me happy temporally before it gets old. i don't remember my mind being this fucked a few years back. it's so odd",3.5274029126213584,5.020957310679614,5.011832524271849,82.06202063106798,72.98058252427184,6.703398058252428,23.55461165048544,7.1686216300943375,0.937991262135922,405,11,78,4,8,136,71,103,0.16399999999999998,0.711,0.124,-0.6642,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,6,5,1,0,5,0,7,1,0,1,1,20,15,5,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,10,4,0,1,5,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,2,12,4,12,12,3,14,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,10,57,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393331703450692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708607306862293,0.1715739833480477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287599672188841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424890036474216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424475197604478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988434985548392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16933715086934512,0.2392549557143168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480633356057952,0.08748656531026974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825537377624476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890325078717812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883870259049856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361681611871773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177526323976608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5072352333078283,0.0,0.0,0.17797458212241896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617258276121121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571231718131194,0.0,0.0,0.1273545101964467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924246086319924,0.0,0.0,0.15829591540309929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969005392943508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891244564150928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22249484454100266,0.0,0.0,0.1329378896100111,0.09764239200354148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783335953661813 bpd,holysmokesj,2020/01/03,"Well, I got 5150’ed again I’m finally home from my trip through hell and back. I kind of just wanted to tell some strangers. I hope everyone is okay tonight.",1.285,3.9008864516129047,1.1357258064516138,100.72358870967743,87.70967741935482,5.680645161290323,27.10483870967742,7.1686216300943375,1.2259612903225805,124,6,28,2,4,36,28,31,0.133,0.667,0.2,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,4,4,4,1,5,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,4,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662401024466265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.330850779657388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792931480958134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769227891371117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473107527417281,0.3438982090441534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605596262482101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026323341027812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042235584319416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31131474975697065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,the-downward-spiral,2020/01/03,"Therapist got angry at me and I don't know what to do... So, my therapist that I've always had a huge connection with, these last few appointments, appeared to be meaner than on the other appointments. And, everytime I felt that our appointment had been unproductive, I would message her and I would try to explain why it went so wrong and to get an opinion on her perspective. Sometimes it would work and other times it would be solved in our next appointment. Ok so, our last appointment I was feeling sadder than usual and was more quiet too and then, maybe because I was pointing flaws at a lot of things, she started getting mad at me and started yelling at me and saying that she was now setting boundaries and that she was willing to help and that I was rude and told me that I need to realize that if nothing works than the problem must be me... I then had a breakdown and started crying and she immediately changed her behavior and was asking questions but I wouldn't answer because I didn't feel I trusted her anymore and just kept crying for 15 minutes (I know because she told me that was the time I wasted not answering), after that the appointment went normal and I left feeling kinda numb.. But when I got home I realized that I was feeling miserable and that this time I didn't feel like messaging her about it because I'm somewhat scared of the reaction she had on our latest appointment and I feel that I would let her down again... I really like her and I don't want to leave her for another therapist because I would be feeling really hurt for a while and I would miss her, specially because there are very few therapists that I manage to connect with and because just sharing my story with them, it requires 3+ appointments and that would not work for me because I have really important things at school atm to deal with and I can't break right now or it would be another wasted year for me.... On the other hand, keeping the same therapist might leave me on the same path of failure even though it's less likely.... I don't know what to do.... I would like for you to give me advice and for you to tell me what you would do on my situation. I would really appreciate any input. Thank you.",6.033286713286714,6.391433692307693,6.440804195804198,78.27351398601401,66.3892773892774,9.863403263403264,33.05011655011655,9.757249324022393,3.086014452214453,1750,71,331,35,26,567,187,429,0.134,0.79,0.076,-0.9832,0,0,0,0,1,0,44.0,4,4,1,4,14,18,2,2,13,1,47,2,1,0,1,83,80,37,0,19,8,0,9,4,0,16,1,3,1,0,31,29,0,3,17,0,1,3,9,9,0,0,24,12,69,9,44,34,8,42,0,3,0,0,37,17,0,9,24,259,100,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383084305711607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054352234808505824,0.0,0.0,0.04442046278635997,0.13698935158965594,0.0,0.0,0.06478079635513635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610662387249863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31855219254374634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910086781628094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435039178443026,0.0,0.06734299609856836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043143848919719306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311975243993224,0.04666527539665433,0.0627183229864067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825496511070721,0.06266177467248622,0.0,0.0,0.1044862073070404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04378323304631238,0.0,0.06552220462608578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992739150916477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05806023139900818,0.0,0.0,0.1076960013272336,0.10649052950925368,0.0,0.13833083676176794,0.07097136629124924,0.06679506217235953,0.0,0.12765000015833453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055533506831013525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562363978588856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692951692297023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048434631488472414,0.0,0.0,0.06946953514792735,0.0,0.06400062867395714,0.06267718055575905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06174937914574698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250329476868255,0.0,0.0,0.07317437524258989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16738500554585015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05578370530220963,0.0,0.051945814142164204,0.06539763217819101,0.06610825424483714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342344635153326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460405611253159,0.0,0.13870344151394282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05709335966427157,0.06013872325234676,0.0,0.3792130900562081,0.08679262808866771,0.0,0.06417746825504471,0.0,0.11426745413810507,0.0,0.0,0.1248338688870478,0.0,0.04434861414323819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194176043438143,0.05389659660720578,0.03852796862582527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110628699047217,0.05894196661400649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426632143100192,0.0,0.0,0.5568252543904464,0.07141816732720907,0.0,0.042064528232646434 bpd,throwaway6244295,2020/01/03,"I started a new relationship and I'm struggling already I started a relationship with a guy I've been dating for maybe a month but we really, really hit it off and he's so lovely. But my BPD has already shown it's ugly head and it's draining keeping my symptoms to myself. He knows I have BPD, but he has no clue what it is and has never asked about it, we don't ever talk about it. I get paranoid in relationships that my partner will find someone else better, I know that's completely my own doing. I get jealous when they hang out with friends, mainly cause I don't have any and I feel lonely. I constantly ask for reassurance, I never want to annoy them or make them feel like I ever pressure them into anything. I feel like he's going to leave me at any moment. The way he described his ex scared me. She was jealous of some of his female friends, she had trust issues, she was emotional. Yep, all the things I am. And I hate it. His best friend is female and they're going to a gig later this month. He asked me if I was cool with them sharing a bed in an Airbnb. I couldn't tell him that it made me uncomfortable so I said it was fine. So I cried to myself after he messaged me, trying to think why it made me uncomfortable but I couldn't think why, I couldn't think of a legit reason why it upset me. My emotions are all over the place. He's so sweet and he tells me so many cute things and he says everyday what he likes about me and he's happy he's with me. But my brain doesn't listen to it. I met his family and I felt so anxious being social that I felt like crying the whole time. I don't know what to do. I like him but my toxic traits are hard to hide, I feel sad all the time. I don't want to hurt him but I can't keep up feeling normal, you know?",1.4785122501611885,3.0889168351063847,3.3839555125725376,91.09515151515154,78.78723404255321,5.940554480980014,20.170535138620245,6.714681859716394,0.15879007092198627,1374,33,308,13,33,463,178,376,0.161,0.635,0.204,0.9799,0,2,0,0,0,0,35.0,2,1,5,2,12,30,4,4,13,2,29,4,2,5,7,64,66,27,0,7,9,1,8,5,4,1,1,3,1,2,22,19,0,2,16,0,0,3,12,11,0,0,12,13,65,19,31,48,8,31,0,3,0,1,55,9,0,3,23,200,87,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18330213979101986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295779962163607,0.0,0.0,0.09382626950980223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834555670758635,0.0,0.2329300796815013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715901775024731,0.07345364461876049,0.0,0.0,0.20920473590020727,0.09271463465030087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531832683028223,0.0,0.0,0.08707950854709043,0.0897508066359521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245967939075566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938013886980683,0.18684693178803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025241814541554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829499323317493,0.0,0.20997050519358024,0.1186661843865876,0.15948784222660098,0.0,0.07590895323033066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924996655600054,0.0,0.08678354736237111,0.0,0.09440188744093092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822355447583822,0.0,0.08841148133913525,0.07439919027509061,0.08199766011891464,0.0852363566024668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890997282204588,0.0,0.0,0.08668577226744274,0.0,0.1476426757617852,0.0,0.0,0.18257506525736605,0.0,0.0,0.08794115347007997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20287754554887505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495859076931005,0.15717354631877545,0.05543853400180895,0.08420272391158766,0.08343791901750533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258425216174555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281112140807991,0.0802131216977086,0.0,0.0,0.08137432318277743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677272620247052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641177922351827,0.08539233430159739,0.0,0.2675035767460678,0.0,0.0,0.07900243845434764,0.06604709290483915,0.08315055908852342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846620920804699,0.07037055208778688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757070631101332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682504648296431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863238854643781,0.0,0.06675486935768346,0.14518399575663815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035346861903204,0.1596510599619574,0.0,0.0,0.09685776462891776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05638754704090354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797364293109112,0.0659236193767641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22482729027761988,0.09272572788277997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,new2reddit101,2020/01/03,"r/BPD drunk breakups Do BPD's ever regret the breakup? Just one week prior he was saying how much he loved me -- said he knew that he loved me more than i love him (not true) and that he was terrified I would leave him. A few days earlier, I brought up how we need to get on the same page with our communication and compromising skills so that we can become more compatible as partners going forward. After that, he flood me with ""i love yous"" and sweet talk, saying he didn't want me to leave him ever. Then, 5 days later, a seemingly random fight happened, almost as if he'd planned it. Alcohol induced, of course. Texted me the next day that we're done. I would have gladly talked it out to show how it didn't mean anything, just irrational emotions coming out with alcohol (not saying alcohol is an excuse, but it def makes us more reactive). I already apologized but it's been 6 days with basically NC from him. Does he want me to text to show that i care? Does he want me to leave him alone completely?? Any BPDs have input?",5.008874573702158,5.56316502955665,5.613300492610836,82.63070481242895,68.65517241379311,9.004774535809018,27.930655551345204,9.057496981413335,2.009783933308072,803,25,165,14,13,260,123,203,0.09300000000000001,0.7929999999999999,0.114,0.8874,0,1,3,0,1,0,31.0,4,0,0,2,8,10,1,0,6,0,14,8,0,5,3,40,33,13,0,8,7,0,0,0,1,2,3,4,0,1,11,12,4,0,4,3,0,4,4,2,0,1,9,5,24,8,20,21,7,20,0,1,0,4,33,5,0,4,13,98,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34467209908437035,0.1076512428911708,0.11134329028860487,0.11863500772790933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310743587782681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088467877760912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873139366846745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707988623431468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960903614504007,0.0,0.0,0.09260648091534804,0.11271748579917812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773286506633244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881575991161818,0.11001546569344038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092923313323507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19448978400514794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05616719381305702,0.0,0.061097860935242276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095066770775397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414984495026168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881116938549106,0.0,0.07176076522867499,0.0,0.0,0.11710502080575035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902892235641931,0.07971397625548758,0.0,0.0,0.11433333350703058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284851838821814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226236210052556,0.25647809849152914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786898210221763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728177194473174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931589624828174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19022861216207448,0.0,0.08623443850550166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273766498220068,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,strugglebugstruggles,2020/01/03,"Social anxiety I question and analyze my every move SO much around other people... I’ll do something slightly embarrassing and fixate on it, and my brain will supply memories of other times when I embarrassed myself years ago. Then it’ll snowball into me wanting to isolate myself. I have this constant feeling of wanting to start over because I don’t feel normal and I feel like it shows too much ???",6.645616438356162,8.108451095890413,7.076602739726031,70.33106849315071,65.43835616438356,8.579726027397259,35.14794520547945,8.841846274778883,3.451188493150685,322,15,47,5,5,105,53,73,0.121,0.8240000000000001,0.055,-0.5923,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,13,11,7,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,3,10,1,8,9,2,12,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,8,38,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20349849514201895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17561916304311534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20436450706322426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994273829158602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562742067370162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24808183585460855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934212400959911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482299737875137,0.16400367851787967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215550219529896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24399483023132684,0.33751831045933633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22492824569805053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915379184622208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571690965289537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23401602746377465,0.0,0.17673293519728414,0.0,0.0,0.16248966308830648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386315380640915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708107271090839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478344937779543 bpd,justforBPDtoday,2020/01/03,"Passively suicidal. Splitting on my boyfriend and obsessively texting a toxic ex. I’m having a hard time with splitting on my boyfriend. I love him and we are in a wonderful healthy relationship. I want to be with him. I know those things to be true. But I can’t connect with any of that. I feel so numb. Recently I split on ~everyone~ when I had a suicidal episode. I’ve been feeling better the past few days, almost no suicidal thoughts, but I still feel that I severed something between me and everyone close in my life. I can’t conjure up the feeling of love towards anyone. Not even my boyfriend. I just don’t care about anyone or myself at all. I’ve been ignoring my friends and family for the most part. Multiple friends have told me in the past week that they take issue with my neglect of our friendship. I immediately cut contact and have ignored calls and messages since then. My depression doesn’t care that I’m hurting them. I’ve isolated myself entirely. Yet I am so desperately seeking genuine human connection. There’s no one I feel I can speak to honestly about my thoughts, my beloved boyfriend included. This is where the ex comes in. It started during my episode. I was feeling self-destructive and suicidal and I decided I wanted to hit him up to get high. Never mind that I spent the worst months of my life addicted to drugs living with him in his mom’s basement. Or that he has been abusive to me in the past (pretty mutual tbh). I don’t care. Misery loves company. I wanted someone to suffer with and he already knows how fucked I am in the head. I thought I could maybe be honest with him, someone completely disconnected from my current reality. I know he’s a sick and sad person in the same ways I am. I just wanna dive right into a pool of his toxic ass shit. So I’ve been obsessing about it since I first messaged him. We haven’t met up yet or made plans to. But I am feeling the euphoric highs and panicky lows that come along with texting someone new.. I’m fucking thinking about him responding or not and checking my phone all day. Watched his typing bubbles pop up and go away while I wait.. this feels exciting and I can’t feel anything else. I’ve now built an entire fantasy about this and it’s the only thing keeping my suicidal thoughts at bay. It’s filling the void. The truth is that I want this whole thing to end terribly. I think that if I made a mistake like this (seeing him, relapsing) I would then feel like I HAVE to kill myself. My entire life would be erupted. it would ruin the most important relationship in my life (FP, boyfriend) who has been my reason to not kms for a long time. He is my only source of happiness and is the core of my existence. But right now I feel nothing towards him. I can’t connect to the consequences this may cause. I feel like I don’t care who gets hurt. Another part of me says that I shouldn’t make such a big mess of things before I exit. But I don’t think I have the courage to do it now anyways. I feel like I need to drag myself further into shame and hopelessness before I would make a serious attempt. I have failed too many times and my passive suicidal ideation is planning for my future active suicidal ideation? If that makes sense. It all feels like jumping through a million hoops in my head. I feel self-aware of my current mental condition, while also feeling apathetic to changing it. I am hoping that just posting here will allow me to release some of this. I’m hoping maybe someone relates to the nonsense in my head. Thank you if you read this.",3.256093138168936,5.3990954176300585,4.160880104419171,85.1106255826963,75.31502890173411,7.2968860712287915,29.513891478650013,8.207736516917482,2.1946504008950214,2807,127,539,49,62,903,313,692,0.21899999999999997,0.62,0.162,-0.9957,2,0,2,0,0,2,76.0,3,2,2,6,27,51,5,3,30,0,50,18,5,9,6,122,117,40,8,18,18,3,17,5,2,7,8,2,0,2,35,34,0,5,29,3,2,5,17,26,0,3,16,21,102,25,75,88,12,73,0,10,2,6,47,35,4,15,36,369,137,3,0.0,0.06259050927118476,0.0,0.057588447885601135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289789348718496,0.0,0.05829511888670458,0.042245160869759206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035923685155182385,0.05539296562248456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387473321033798,0.0,0.043471531300061185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04963203350551037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990255505187854,0.0,0.0,0.046720556023996496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0539415431145532,0.0,0.21543967216783055,0.05426714616050197,0.05588320480407515,0.09101033359429762,0.05538735455173488,0.0,0.0,0.04217748989969269,0.0,0.0,0.06813716697429999,0.0,0.04549920169199925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061261719133738124,0.0,0.044129582430434966,0.0,0.046788408661665386,0.0,0.0,0.03489126289451154,0.0,0.0,0.1009555578961384,0.0,0.0,0.049799919891445436,0.0,0.427368909562448,0.1509564336681384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044934010865421696,0.0,0.0,0.08162691319199501,0.09767409813424796,0.05519910696805983,0.0,0.030022395034626743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05623456247145293,0.047321975041924084,0.0,0.16264502576812068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162774051313032,0.0,0.1049368406793176,0.0,0.0,0.11310326091738855,0.0,0.0,0.055136916632589586,0.0,0.04695442915231097,0.05844445726707721,0.0,0.08709583379981432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492510688551961,0.12904127197530835,0.0,0.046646577301697384,0.046749599702658816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303335352632393,0.09997101592969904,0.1057858659225012,0.053557561374969184,0.10614220683577627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053236470204634775,0.0,0.05333948856800626,0.06186950629835749,0.0421654365360138,0.0,0.0,0.03917002082052703,0.04074288747569831,0.05101995504223468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050688244999351914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035796457736162864,0.08035354006946388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441143711124704,0.1512859987838572,0.0,0.04612587428345291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05059297830551422,0.05374332303483032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05284058034391515,0.0,0.0,0.054314218980750985,0.0521595832305165,0.11343132038217987,0.0,0.09022671716429777,0.0,0.04200958196558322,0.0,0.0,0.042095709544258064,0.0,0.11021867206415953,0.059678665420989985,0.05422542221412922,0.08739689735832536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17903815873649925,0.04066825489858706,0.0,0.0,0.03739071627755282,0.0,0.042187139280583034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044836706353545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03971879185810175,0.0,0.0,0.04863534560957658,0.0,0.0,0.14038174524402047,0.10154685080579358,0.0,0.16775267751492684,0.09241029445559963,0.0,0.0,0.0504777789480692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463324582992798,0.041931046013883984,0.042374059234994266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05897866044494145,0.0,0.0,0.0572878524482584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010510824993814,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Gigameki,2020/01/03,"Sudden bouts of anger, or days where everything is frustrating and you take things TOO personally?? I feel so upset I'm realizing this is like, a common occurrence.. I just don't realize how I'm acting and I just feel really bad for my Boyfriend. I just get snappy and just, someone will say something and it'll be a joke but I end up taking it too personally without even realizing it? I think I'm being like... normal but it's not...",0.5533899821109111,3.0409931046511645,3.3179069767441867,83.05759391771022,94.69767441860463,6.832200357781752,20.56887298747764,7.882392219407189,1.5563248658318432,341,12,66,9,13,119,59,86,0.12,0.838,0.043,-0.7244,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,10,7,2,1,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,21,16,9,0,1,9,0,2,2,0,2,0,1,0,2,6,4,0,0,6,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,3,8,3,4,12,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,6,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21007449101099132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226041352701934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228418607593861,0.0,0.0,0.16617863633452168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22612078073128594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25443182874168274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144999008159278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458369325588617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24651340721548864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4393727398940052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118063560007415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200081466386878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21317884910490845,0.1936930503657695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3783419756280768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715106487719847,0.16121435369069007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425322675311193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Auxeaughe,2020/01/03,"How can I alleviate my BPD ex-friend's guilt? I had the privilege of being good friends with a brilliant woman with BPD. Everything was wonderful until she asked me out on a date, and misinterpreted my response as a rejection. Long story short, I became devalued, painted black, and discarded. She made up all sorts of slander and lies about me in an effort to destroy my reputation. My heart was completely shattered; it felt like I was living a waking nightmare. After many months had passed, I check up on her on social media. To my surprise, I find that she legitimately feels immense guilt and regret over what she did. Putting myself in her shoes, I feel really bad for her myself. Despite everything she did to me, I don't consider her a bad person, nor do I wish any ill will against her. I don't want her to spend the rest of her life carrying this burden of guilt, shame, and sadness. I've considered what it would be like in her shoes to try to reach out to me. It would seem extremely nerve-wracking and virtually impossible; most people would be rude or unfriendly in response, harbor grudges, and ultimately be unable to forgive such behavior. I know she would assume the worst, that I would tell her she is a bad or evil person, flawed, unloveable, worthless, etc, even though I don't actually think this about her. She knows I am a lot more empathetic and understanding than most people, but it might still be too risky from her perspective. I am wondering what I should do in this scenario. If you were in the place of this woman, what, if anything, would you want me to do? At one point we loved each other, and I feel obligated to somehow assuage her guilt and shame over what happened. I care about her and I truly believe that she is a good person inside, albeit one who suffers from emotional instability. One of the first thing she told me about herself is that she engages in self-harm; if she were to harm herself over what happened, I would feel horribly guilty myself, constantly thinking of what I could have done to prevent it.",7.641004329004332,7.433441966233765,7.558961038961041,73.52225108225113,63.103896103896105,10.658008658008658,34.956709956709965,10.181067101454742,3.4491125541125527,1627,64,295,32,21,522,206,385,0.18100000000000002,0.716,0.10300000000000001,-0.9784,0,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,1,2,0,2,11,32,3,6,14,0,39,7,4,2,1,62,62,22,0,16,6,0,5,2,1,10,2,0,0,5,23,17,0,1,16,0,2,2,4,21,0,4,13,6,65,11,51,33,9,31,0,5,1,1,43,21,0,15,10,230,88,0,0.0,0.0,0.09216539626146708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422632653984603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772077815524689,0.0,0.08829399657032598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365746871827384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640798146492034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379021497694848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629370340567868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990245378293203,0.10206226809522807,0.0,0.07540722025668711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665075979231798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623872007230352,0.0,0.0,0.1053319405418623,0.06238050562936834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976344187745496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19101837005282832,0.0,0.09068269980729246,0.0,0.08632167471037183,0.0803354790055895,0.0,0.0,0.14593705402054036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843317368143736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670360720382261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191862990304807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103809792670636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670980331852172,0.09228281380600642,0.0,0.08339729882397066,0.08358148789968729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029437155541436,0.0852409473952652,0.08936682144224184,0.0,0.09575313364114553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001919810693051,0.0,0.0,0.07538567059472454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19199658723216415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095353729404846,0.24739907257851795,0.09867567297699108,0.0,0.08928173053310261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494403210790983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060504345011927876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597983402295498,0.09852748113398516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627551509891943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542447194691025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254971990477238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627455380157125,0.12103400436735827,0.09279243785624842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902469303948112,0.0,0.06412244256104152,0.0,0.0,0.09832132266062152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114130622988032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860791401601527,0.0,0.2048447035550064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4696406952181853,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,candiedbiscuit,2020/01/03,"the smallest bit of affection I feel like I'm slapped with full on happiness, love, warmth....ugh",1.4566666666666668,4.094020222222227,1.8277777777777795,92.645,96.77777777777777,6.844444444444445,28.222222222222207,7.793537801064563,2.435422222222224,76,4,15,2,3,23,17,18,0.0,0.445,0.555,0.9287,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,3,3,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5362775001904899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483721110302613,0.35092274861212425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5229054966379383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399819166132707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44333901592660985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PaintingFlowersForU,2020/01/03,"Does anyone go through phases where they feel like a sociopath? Sometimes I go through phases where I feel like I fit the criteria for ASPD. Lack of empathy, manipulative, I feel superior, and I just do edgy shit. I stop caring so much about other people and feel like I have good social skills and don’t give a shit what people thinks And listen to edgy music too and feel badass. I’ll get more agitated and restless. Like I go back to my edgy emo teen phase sort of? It’s so hard to explain it, but I just feel like a sociopath or something. Then I usually crash and realize I’m a loser. Is this normal? Does anyone else get this?",2.87560606060606,4.808925103174605,4.236002886002886,85.09435064935066,75.74603174603175,6.8040404040404034,23.359307359307362,7.686295010490155,1.0899619047619051,497,15,99,7,11,164,76,126,0.18,0.68,0.14,-0.7369,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,2,9,12,2,1,5,0,4,2,2,1,0,25,21,12,0,2,4,0,7,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,1,9,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,0,8,12,8,9,21,3,10,0,1,0,0,5,3,2,2,9,57,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19634373438226127,0.1438577438396611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795994835302143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314850263852633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457322819434385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728728666202365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42594675480985417,0.4012109232400274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670778933057596,0.13468573931318326,0.23937991651683585,0.11776196562520967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257720047749061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429649641770011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321112472413344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756348323223158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946731937381896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28823987399488976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431214642259819,0.0,0.10808779525285467,0.1388604951842717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738178998061935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996349647359418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463221784318684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wafflessquiggly,2020/01/03,"Get obsessed with themselves every now and then? Not necessarily for days or longer than occasionally. I'll start thinking about what other people are thinking of me, like that's all they're doing is thinking about me and it's usually stuff that's discouraging to myself, but a lot of times i do feel like I've probably impressed so many people somehow. And I'll obsess over the things I say and how I look (not just physically) to other people. Just completely focused on myself. For example, I'll constantly go on Facebook just to look at my own profile. My own posts. Reading through them and wondering what other people have thought about the basic content I post. It's so ridiculous. Anyway, obviously had a very overprotective family and grew up in a culture of extreme pressures to be perfect, etc. Always compared to the 'better' family members as 'motivation' LOL. So yeah, was wondering if anyone else could relate somehow or at least tell me im not weirder than the average person.",5.368968692449356,7.670532453038675,6.3270497237569066,71.1928581952118,69.77348066298343,8.583572744014733,33.061141804788214,9.21078282632365,3.4427124125230204,798,38,124,17,15,264,119,181,0.068,0.7879999999999999,0.14400000000000002,0.9479,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,3,14,10,1,3,7,2,9,0,0,2,3,34,21,16,0,2,10,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,11,7,0,1,8,1,0,2,3,5,0,0,3,4,12,5,25,16,6,18,0,1,2,0,5,7,0,8,9,95,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791941686744715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990914182556668,0.14520522296249355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533665996274046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858697358227013,0.15314510792618888,0.0,0.11314903244996748,0.0,0.0,0.09139536913362042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838588702883387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805127304546565,0.0,0.0,0.1194021988255436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267195262933084,0.0,0.07165608173220879,0.10124224113543087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404098205455008,0.0,0.08054070922849002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530780558449442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847097212132226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380122067895401,0.0,0.0,0.12048223527862567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367820997336467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929932966706413,0.12374131458495258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714503190040637,0.0,0.152794273456844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417547737958757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269858790406533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030761383567248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223139934312553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386640038508125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415009455146876,0.2724184854134826,0.0,0.11250701023725264,0.08263598609064275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608061874048726,0.116930890982741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073708317433166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kassvanham,2020/01/03,"Going Quiet Recently instead of being my normal loud and obnoxious self I have gone extremely quiet. Its been about 3 weeks and my coworkers have started asking me why I am so quiet and if I'm okay? I don't feel different, but this also makes me think I am shutting down? I honestly don't know what to think. Just wanna know if this has happened to anyone else?",2.4874404761904763,4.760394291666671,4.4825396825396835,81.24500000000002,78.30555555555556,7.447619047619049,24.174603174603178,8.418075326091056,1.896993650793651,287,10,52,6,7,98,52,72,0.028999999999999998,0.882,0.08800000000000001,0.6111,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,1,9,0,0,1,0,15,21,8,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,4,3,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,5,9,2,6,18,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,3,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21015539321970025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18375091119528167,0.2692623892094346,0.0,0.0,0.2456758941201859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274562655765893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195297534049158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287599009840553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935126542305727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323869002556097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888482187175216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541630640701314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574812531772147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594762926286226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741503155735132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860061725484003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367741680852929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21079661900920227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371297242378414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_rc1989,2020/01/03,Have you ever voluntarily gone to the hospital? What made you go and commit yourself? How far did you have to get? What symptoms were you experiencing. Do you felt they helped or hindered.,2.749411764705884,5.788644529411767,4.0678823529411785,78.00947058823533,89.0,6.249411764705883,24.44705882352941,7.554174236665415,1.7575482352941183,150,6,26,3,5,49,27,34,0.0,0.9229999999999999,0.077,0.4098,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,2,2,7,10,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,6,0,2,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,1,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4145591581878679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4400404760918421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394431635987566,0.0,0.2604628096632883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071892518349875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336551375050297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4763498349155906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lilliecf,2020/01/03,"I’m having major isolation anxiety So I’m single and I’m having major isolation anxiety. It started right around Christmas and is in full swing now still. I’ve been feeling panicky and anxious about being alone and not having a partner. I’ve been searching the dating apps practically in a frantic manner and I feel like it’s almost like I’ve lost my keys and I’m late and I’m frustrated and trying to find something. Like I start talking to a guy and he irritates me or we’re not compatible and I’ll just get angry and pissy and delete him. Almost like I pick up a cushion to see if my keys are under it and when they’re not I get frustrated and throw the pillow down. Now picture me repeating this with every object in the room and getting progressively more frustrated. I know I need to focus on my career and growing my own company. But I can’t. I should be walking my dogs and doing DIY projects but all I can think about is how alone I feel. I don’t want to go home and lay in bed but I don’t want to be out of the house. I feel like a 2 year old having a tantrum who has no idea what they want but definitely doesn’t want whatever this feeling or thing is at the moment. Even if they can’t identify what’s making them feel this way.",1.9634883720930207,3.940739476744184,3.878468992248063,86.40281976744188,78.65116279069767,6.7806201550387595,23.92829457364341,7.793537801064563,1.2713922480620157,987,34,202,16,24,334,141,258,0.138,0.7659999999999999,0.09699999999999999,-0.8507,0,4,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,3,2,11,11,4,1,11,0,22,0,0,3,1,55,49,29,0,8,12,0,6,5,1,1,0,0,4,2,10,21,0,0,10,0,0,4,9,6,0,0,3,7,24,5,21,42,7,31,0,1,1,0,9,14,0,6,17,131,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645511969460794,0.27362434400821106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20210697538431355,0.1492314847385399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759392221996362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724851551923841,0.0,0.11129702799371233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4007518628424087,0.18873958196129434,0.0,0.0,0.12073383983711693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20704496232386768,0.0,0.0750735049924311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079633781340874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250359507356982,0.0,0.0,0.15242166574146884,0.0,0.14912090914186282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259680099970857,0.0,0.14901064517245655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226784726766357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419897229112974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817546284256418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097947906895231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861309242785594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280971910588927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526383577945207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169436627694728,0.0,0.0,0.1869972147056145,0.0,0.1054924634675007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617419108551067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775906819116128,0.08464212578800766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968487620409106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116558353270737,0.10485208087597578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850658375692127 bpd,karmachameleonnnnn,2020/01/04,"DAE feel even more alone after spending time with friends? I have some of the greatest friends i’ve ever had in my life. I really enjoy spending time with them, and they even support me and know about my BPD and listen when I talk about it. Last night we went out for a couple of drinks, and then to my apartment to hang out. It was so nice, but when they were about to leave, I started to get sad. This happens to me a lot. I will spend time with loved ones and once I’m alone in bed at night it’s like there’s nothing inside of me that feels whole. For example, one of my friends said last night when she was leaving that she was excited to go home and take a hot shower. My other friend said he was excited to go home and watch tv in bed. When I am alone at the end of the night, all I want to do is be with people. I don’t even think I need to have someone in the same bed. I just want someone to sleep on my couch or something sometimes, and go get breakfast in the morning maybe. I know this all stems from literal and emotional abandonment as a child. My mom was not able to validate my emotions. Also, my dad left when I was young, but he would visit from time to time. When he did, we had so much fun. Over time, a day or two before he was scheduled to leave and go back to where he lived I would start to panic. So now when anyone leaves, even if they’re just my friend going home for the night, I feel crushed. It’s wired into my brain. Does anyone else feel so lonely, even when they have friends? And not just surface level ones, but genuinely good friends? How can I start to overcome this? Thank you as always for being such a supportive community.",3.429827502429544,4.2426743381924235,3.9510969387755104,92.19018282312923,72.38192419825073,6.9994655004859085,24.49574829931973,6.996647511020387,0.6747999028182692,1290,35,292,11,24,406,174,343,0.08800000000000001,0.73,0.18100000000000002,0.9882,1,5,2,0,0,0,38.0,2,1,4,0,31,22,0,1,12,0,24,6,2,1,3,51,55,34,0,6,11,2,5,1,7,3,1,3,8,1,10,20,2,1,7,2,3,8,3,4,0,4,14,9,38,18,49,36,9,58,0,3,1,1,30,17,0,5,34,194,48,0,0.0718503775621243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22324596664275026,0.0,0.05745872097760438,0.059785269945427114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004789091918534,0.07361920269718637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055248505286148115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061139379275004874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049303529779013,0.08020878370586715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950107615646795,0.0,0.04633754949413995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062876749595765,0.0,0.0,0.07038601628645966,0.0,0.0,0.060021770814078286,0.16164400792191844,0.06363810819812091,0.0,0.0,0.23728248371366745,0.06499278001668768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531883903080345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3885799643035063,0.0,0.07507771352247583,0.0,0.20417112680577965,0.060264687781035824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353705158867065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21621536104953426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897417691687537,0.11713529491055755,0.0,0.30431670185104803,0.07806564545261548,0.0,0.05075004654023474,0.035102465174097784,0.0,0.063445199747295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06108462160950168,0.06484777097584872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218336160828549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415029381422551,0.0,0.0,0.052818294718561636,0.053276144549486835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371335603199694,0.0,0.06894237508625713,0.0,0.0,0.0765183071610136,0.14606302601544666,0.0,0.0,0.08430093704048079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04981200499534463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04602919170036316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669232526496908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190226704551073,0.0,0.12175718349019968,0.05531393093917045,0.07106186061833802,0.0,0.15256820115100608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306991398400508,0.0,0.0,0.05402254203690104,0.05775061184050598,0.0,0.06615017425653717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046038820750719925,0.0,0.0,0.2513791977714311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018737861000382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847584285304655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660601983821894,0.0,0.08021838062320248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208089346418273,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Electraa29,2020/01/04,"Break up Sorry if this isn’t the right place to ask, but I don’t know where to ask and I feel like I’m losing my mind. My boyfriend with borderline left me a few weeks ago, after a really long term relationship. He told me that I am a good person and “you deserve better”. He also told me that he’s feeling very ashamed for using me and he was thinking to break up with me for over a year. What does that mean? Is it really a “it’s not you, it’s me” case? Or there is other reason he won’t tell me? Like he found someone else? Or he just got bored? I’d really apreciate honest advices. It’s really hard for me to move on and to accept it all ends like this... Thank you!",0.09947126436781416,1.9815009241379329,2.5027586206896584,94.33643678160921,84.58620689655173,5.797701149425287,16.563218390804597,7.0316486544052195,-0.18142298850574692,514,10,122,7,15,176,87,145,0.087,0.713,0.2,0.9645,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,3,0,2,4,11,0,1,6,0,7,0,0,2,1,23,21,9,0,1,6,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,12,6,0,0,8,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,5,3,16,8,15,15,3,18,0,1,0,0,17,8,0,3,10,71,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685323844772202,0.13321538788731654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201799760957872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809856328722317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132911680072809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151226019014822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554082059143487,0.0,0.13310470877018393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197357601987513,0.1073610575520905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16477579116690788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604890282482806,0.12019375885752386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346226103121546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259072367581842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328117376741313,0.0,0.0,0.2202596935896236,0.0,0.0,0.13299430417780728,0.0,0.1681264388473879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370049403393006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517413670367459,0.0,0.0,0.15972533816076687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121991619046836,0.15701207045514784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3850964354333031,0.15451430186032594,0.0,0.16134597538960274,0.0,0.12833948893503722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733293704054058,0.0,0.0,0.168227716316958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135256184939445,0.1383589162031892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962942488653084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872006233352978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979487269890513,0.0,0.1239978883875371,0.0,0.0,0.12054666904082048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967762902522262 bpd,Globally20,2020/01/04,"Taylor Swift once said ""You're not the opinion of the people who don't know you"". Always remember that.",2.881,5.347857099999999,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,78.0,6.0,20.0,7.1686216300943375,0.609,82,2,15,1,2,26,18,20,0.0,0.904,0.096,0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798994314579389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509166968549789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4862278185433947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165253313196568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5172002005161319,0.0,0.4342987553642167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,a_cucumber_a_day,2020/01/04,Ex SO told me they're dating someone else. How to proceed? I want to kill myself with jealousy and sadness. This feeling never really goes away for me. What do you do?,0.5672727272727265,3.057501484848487,2.3597575757575764,89.89963636363636,94.75757575757576,3.852121212121212,21.75151515151515,5.6839178017228535,0.40185333333333295,131,5,24,1,5,43,30,33,0.263,0.6659999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.8577,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,6,5,3,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,5,4,0,4,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821526713049256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397853486597379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20566376048725432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4500058508604212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31370875190486514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605728677829244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446358419863665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886646728750797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399102175715936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,olea-m,2020/01/04,"So fed up of feeling so depressed I'm so tired of having no life, no having events to look forward to, not having a laugh with friends. This existence of being stuck in the dark. I want out. I want it all to stop being such a void. Life isn't meant to be this horrific, it's not meant to be lived alone. I absolutely hate everything. I just wish I knew how to start to make it so much better. It's like living a death sentence with such depression. Where's my life?? My fun times, my good and not so good memories and experiences not just laying about doing nothing. I want life but it's like I'm too scared to live it because my head is a pile of shit. I want this change to happen, I want this shit life to stop ruining my existence. I've had enough of feeling like I'm nothing. Worthless fucking illness I hate it. Come back joy, come back desire, come back all I loved about living because I can't go on like this.",1.5970409356725168,3.553944821052632,3.0592982456140376,91.92953216374272,79.73684210526315,6.116959064327485,22.13450292397661,7.1686216300943375,0.6062046783625732,716,22,157,9,18,234,96,190,0.21600000000000005,0.5429999999999999,0.24,0.1231,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,17,22,5,1,5,0,12,13,3,2,2,33,40,9,1,7,7,0,2,4,1,0,7,0,0,0,12,8,1,2,5,0,0,5,8,10,0,0,6,3,16,12,23,30,4,18,0,4,1,2,2,6,3,0,13,96,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096203843530659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441578778747877,0.0,0.1290405929446443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360864154771856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196679432401453,0.2735205149375108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18232310675866736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936307199744953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951239584731824,0.10353377852681828,0.0,0.0,0.10703378359656897,0.0756135408646725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177326114988502,0.0978492169062524,0.0,0.0,0.060152443685750075,0.1775504839837838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359572475891136,0.0,0.0,0.20899411087527495,0.10862442011483228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737966484683975,0.2068362057505329,0.0,0.37384167532764906,0.0,0.08888061703561763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552653092525168,0.0,0.07065035212671948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780604310564276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031164934933663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596629916198876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21729056941056135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491550732915457,0.0,0.0,0.17697729068374424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617173172095123,0.1216498008342011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31214174837276576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217130683551535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,FreeTinWok,2020/01/04,"DAE feel like BPD is the HIV/AIDs of mental illness? I remember someone (possibly on this sub) saying that BPD is the HIV/AIDS of mental illness and shouldn't be shared with anyone except those very close to you lest you receive judgement and abandonment. I fully believe it. People I've shared my diagnosis with have slowly removed themselves from my life and some have straight up ghosted. I literally had one person I was friends with (who was a medical doctor) tell me I shouldn't share that information unless I was explicitly asked. I feel like they google and see CRAZY DANGEROUS MANIPULATIVE etc etc and nope out. I've decided now that the only people who need to know are my doctors, close family (although they don't really get it) and any serious romantic relationships I have.",7.372499999999999,8.319332916666667,7.612500000000002,68.98250000000002,63.58333333333334,10.844444444444445,34.75,10.746095033038511,4.020408333333334,636,27,104,16,9,207,96,144,0.154,0.7609999999999999,0.085,-0.8529,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,2,0,1,9,1,0,4,0,14,6,0,1,1,27,21,8,1,3,2,0,2,2,1,2,6,1,0,1,9,12,0,1,6,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,4,4,16,6,13,14,3,9,0,1,1,0,17,6,0,1,3,69,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483089386113524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778897380292027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411440108281606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17368024004932378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3883064212982552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155689743281632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438478292007217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453239024304284,0.0,0.15589110848579998,0.22025716191365186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910000652880795,0.0,0.08053978452936297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471972432091697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888445109565076,0.15062499103545274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529525219793672,0.31070458019301844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143042056358396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044596244882452,0.1172420562367229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21374375755860445,0.13460246660031638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378694454254695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875583599114754,0.0,0.0,0.16550510695305576,0.17462791020150564,0.0,0.0,0.12259048616980217,0.0,0.0,0.12284181982389634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061528998571734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473853156205098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719427137849054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pasttheborderline,2020/01/04,"Is it okay to ask someone to back off? So I’ve been better about seeing that I’m splitting on someone and recognizing that it’s irrational, but I still haven’t quite figured out how not to be annoyed by every little thing the “victim” (using that word because I’m sure it sucks to be split on) does. Should I just be honest with them and tell them that I can’t help but be angry with them and ask them to keep their distance for a little bit? I’m afraid they won’t understand how I can possibly be annoyed by them when I know there’s no reason, mostly because I don’t understand that either. I know that distancing myself with no explanation has historically led to bad consequences and ruined friendships, but I’m afraid that if I explain before distancing myself, they’ll keep badgering me and then I’ll have no choice but to cut them off. What do I do?",5.960000000000001,5.988349707602342,6.536309941520468,78.65744736842106,66.54385964912281,9.41309941520468,29.965497076023393,9.120678840339163,2.3541784795321643,684,22,133,11,10,224,96,171,0.17300000000000001,0.701,0.126,-0.8661,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,9,2,9,13,5,2,2,1,18,0,0,5,1,34,34,15,0,2,8,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,12,9,0,2,7,0,0,1,8,9,0,0,1,1,21,4,19,25,3,13,0,1,1,0,14,7,1,2,5,96,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32038006754766,0.0,0.0,0.13175832523839254,0.14307090931771832,0.20890793156641144,0.0,0.14580706170541832,0.0,0.0,0.15154601537567688,0.1870708884916669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995039558561354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437058929514032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148529486481456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30460924474518114,0.0,0.0,0.18834003261726034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434773910010749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931724817683108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822528571408979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617734387722464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654454460190008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903702552552954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684111239573754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149626893526536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976830739599706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383797590234067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567648222865907,0.0,0.14799222884653274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,expect_less,2020/01/04,"I can't make it stop. I really wanted to spend this year forgiving myself... I'm on day 4 and my mind is playing a constant loop of memories in which always go along the lines of your a liar. It won't stop. If they can't forgive me I can't forgive myself. I'm not sure why I keep fighting my demons when they're the only ones that don't leave me. I'm trapped inside this nightmare I created. I deserve this. I did this. I don't know why I did this. I have absolutely nothing to offer anyone. I take up space, time, and money... No one should have to endure me. Please don't try to tell me it's not like that because I have a reference list that will confirm exactly how I'll suck people dry with my bullshit. It's not like there's a reset button. I'm no one's victim except my own. I'm the monster. I just want to dissolve... Disappear... I want to just be a bad memory that fades away.",0.3007894736842118,2.2831556578947385,2.833947368421054,91.66513157894735,84.52631578947368,5.694736842105264,20.55263157894737,6.961326702584282,0.43029473684210506,685,21,153,9,20,237,110,190,0.19699999999999998,0.7120000000000001,0.091,-0.9647,0,1,0,0,2,0,30.0,0,1,1,0,5,12,4,0,8,0,16,0,0,2,2,28,30,5,0,5,7,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,14,4,0,3,5,1,2,2,12,5,0,3,2,0,26,7,15,24,1,15,1,0,0,0,8,5,1,1,10,96,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187267444767522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762341525330095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148514374744547,0.0,0.1523979940975866,0.1112635331445894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19724111378088852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771139572423787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373128732643934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622336717650169,0.0,0.0,0.10030915200030076,0.0,0.0,0.1932641243880072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783417644701754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183465088230468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842948841393784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17513449210285814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710442792871088,0.1388159762575341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653756393756302,0.0,0.0,0.20035401443497872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169280736305112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30519262502579303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17202454053970873,0.0,0.137233601974121,0.0,0.15953200923504618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642987004688456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392025206896433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229680797959297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32939488646284193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753798946040757 bpd,potato_opus,2020/01/04,"BPD + social media Can y’all please give me your thoughts on social media usage with BPD? The focus on curation of identity through words + aesthetics is a literally fuckin minefield for me. I spend most of my time staring at my own IG trying to figure out who the fuck I am or how I come across to other people, or stalking people who seem to have such a firm grasp on who they are. It makes me so incredibly jealous and I know I should get off but it’s so hard. So many of my only social connections happen there and I’m scared I’ll feel so so lonely without that.",1.4798717948717943,3.678904444444445,3.4415598290598304,87.75413461538461,81.47863247863249,5.951282051282053,20.86111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.6452854700854704,448,13,91,6,12,151,84,117,0.135,0.851,0.013999999999999999,-0.9315,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,1,0,8,5,3,1,4,0,6,2,0,2,0,20,17,11,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,6,0,1,1,1,5,0,0,1,3,14,0,17,15,2,9,0,1,1,2,10,7,2,4,1,63,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4598911575348086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572713464704937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092314906989205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878673357403007,0.09538738661847423,0.1751416301272571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144959722760105,0.0,0.16355045495521212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033790312741206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186957175905645,0.1851013936212024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388557644094512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531476655750781,0.0,0.0,0.2004114409371613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18278843786370352,0.0,0.0,0.16620852494095192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.558333644197879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449433730482233,0.10646037552580782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239557707314976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759948338990836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gigixoxo333,2020/01/04,"Advice / opinions wanted Greetings BPD brethren, I come to you today writing this text post seeking advice. I have just recently got back into therapy after a two year hiatus, and am currently still home for the holiday season, away from my therapist. I have had the same FP since around 2015, five years now. I cannot put into words the sense of security and peace his presence brings me. In the past 6 months, things have changed significantly due to him moving. Along with this move I have become more doubtful and cognizant of everything he does, specifically regarding his attentiveness to our relationship. Being that I’m home right now and in his area, I obviously want to see him. A few nights ago, we were talking about going to the city together to visit other friends. He really pushed this, which I gladly entertained, thinking it would be so much fun. It made me feel special and like he actually cared about me, bringing me around his other friends. It sometimes feels like he puts in a great deal of effort to keep me separate from his friends/family. So I see him yesterday, things are fine. He ends up hanging out for a very small amount of time, which disappointed me. When we went to leave, I mentioned the city and he instantly got weird. Basically, for whatever reason, he no longer wanted me to come. But when I sort of called him out for it, he started treating me like I was insane. He still went that night, and never provided me with explanation. I just want the truth. Our relationship has been characterized by instances like this many times, but it has been a while since one has occurred recently. I don’t know how to let go. Or even how to trust myself to understand whether I have the right to be upset. I know this is very long, but I am hoping some may make it to the end to provide advice. Do I cut him off? Do I try to communicate again why I was upset? Do I do nothing, leaving the ball in his court? I appreciate every single one of you. I’m so glad this sub exists. ❤️",4.4301483420593355,6.210782468586391,5.191706806282723,80.52009075043631,71.17277486910993,8.44411867364747,27.654799301919716,9.029198982220553,2.2507672600349045,1581,57,299,32,30,512,220,382,0.049,0.812,0.138,0.981,1,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,4,2,0,1,21,25,1,3,15,0,30,0,0,5,3,57,60,20,0,6,7,0,2,4,2,2,0,0,2,0,20,20,0,2,8,3,0,15,4,6,0,4,11,4,49,19,48,43,7,64,0,1,2,0,36,17,0,7,35,203,69,0,0.0,0.0,0.08699067825430187,0.0,0.0,0.26132843142717177,0.07901986302001705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871228279127286,0.0,0.0,0.08375275333796188,0.06854544033000519,0.0,0.0,0.09845140513044888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227244826188827,0.0,0.09102493764718764,0.0,0.0908871974804357,0.0,0.0943014407654862,0.1535775482558571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190248629646376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800961248162072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579084221596987,0.0,0.0,0.0588780899845574,0.0,0.07510679568849124,0.0,0.08011595214004827,0.0,0.08403605720598617,0.0,0.09014672666727304,0.06368375452711561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377432727101413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132400662853272,0.0,0.1425915505919834,0.09828043750306324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883533141142655,0.08853908164476199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923436629856595,0.0,0.0,0.09798128842454276,0.0,0.0,0.18877906488254695,0.0,0.09115472493949844,0.0,0.17420300654761528,0.0,0.0,0.07888872198054375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434923220681609,0.05950362369809872,0.0903769785439587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115306700452179,0.18948973602007416,0.06553033878857739,0.0,0.06875255281751946,0.0,0.0,0.1673092745041089,0.0,0.08553508250057032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081116502376507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509705019591729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853743224561642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792266096449987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05710726827439903,0.09165381838593896,0.17603585426461846,0.191412374746106,0.0,0.15225521610587445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207080907355135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747996948668898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816467525275623,0.0,0.06309585193957278,0.0,0.14237937963225433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164974142616629,0.0,0.0,0.10194275339707727,0.1035018571532526,0.11844525452770033,0.05711921479663064,0.0,0.0,0.10395996363341932,0.0,0.08449711094963326,0.0,0.0,0.06052222413152705,0.0,0.08707972727069811,0.09280097403197972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710456968293587,0.21031532980700074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16527284981895968,0.08043766379359996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332460720468652,0.0,0.0,0.11481029812839542 bpd,g_bay,2020/01/04,"Toxic sex I’ve always had an unhealthy relationship with sex. I dress provocatively and I sleep with people I don’t want to sleep with. Then I met my ex husband and I was able to only be sleeping with someone I loved. overall our sex life was pretty good, I gave him everything he wanted and I cherished feeling close to him and maybe the best part of all was that I was no longer putting myself in sexual situations I didn’t want to be in. I certainly felt safe with him. Until he left. Five months ago he left me over text. It’s been an unimaginably hard road and I’m really really suicidal but trying to keep going. Every time something hits me that hurts worse I feel more inclined to hurt myself... and I find myself seeking out more and more dangerous sexual situations to keep myself going. Then feeling shame and disgust after. Any time I feel awful, I am sleeping with strangers, or with one of “fuck buddies” who are exactly the wrong kind of people— guys old enough to be my dad, dudes who blow me off and treat me like shit but come over to fuck, conservatives... I’ve been asking for more violence during sex than ever. I don’t tell anyone I’m sleeping with what I’m going through, but someone recently asked me if I’m ok during sex because of how I was asking him to treat me. Another called me a poster child for trauma. Another said I clearly like “get used and abused across the board”. Today I’m having another rough day and I immediately went and made plans to meet up with some guy I met on bumble who’s been sending pretty aggressive texts. Not sure how to get a grip. Just feels like more marks on my bad record.",2.7048025324088063,5.0077997757009385,3.887639433222791,85.6332499246307,77.72274143302181,6.883368505677823,22.81589789970857,7.941651935203635,1.2519676615415536,1292,40,250,22,31,420,179,321,0.217,0.6559999999999999,0.127,-0.9928,0,0,1,0,1,2,29.0,1,0,0,2,4,26,6,1,7,2,18,15,6,5,6,57,54,22,1,4,7,3,9,3,0,0,1,1,0,3,7,24,0,4,7,0,0,7,5,12,0,2,17,10,39,14,41,33,10,34,0,2,0,8,30,14,3,3,16,149,46,0,0.08697611185698563,0.10305247011146716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709907532292341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237109257606257,0.0,0.0,0.059146738600711735,0.2736061106068341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060815719705733434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24393277102267216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262142040596367,0.053019830504934834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127606339423144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888123347182615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492221897353067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05609239679354813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986957372849573,0.0,0.0,0.07867487265102073,0.07328112548845515,0.0,0.07816852108499107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21988867747323426,0.062135751689279414,0.08351070705843923,0.0,0.07949459053216269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16081602779477702,0.09088285727728494,0.0,0.1482915862008277,0.07295143607196257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224005020648486,0.0,0.0,0.07791351237444835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621945325127132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461672905886348,0.0,0.0905722362543564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18899960004256708,0.0,0.06143379999380171,0.127476404760649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849933672505599,0.08229890003348513,0.0,0.0,0.08737919474434366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942350268373647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126679843708316,0.0,0.058937264353760614,0.06614925236094234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418665338088897,0.0,0.06029828464784101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769719484703896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743501537956072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143824881242714,0.0,0.08587841758245594,0.09337979423319992,0.0,0.0,0.0827341997051985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927972894088361,0.0,0.19552958776697105,0.4351946248239238,0.0,0.14738915465654556,0.06695846017587198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513774957735216,0.0,0.08197395610520547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602095539031663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143294053434372,0.0,0.08244318419059929,0.0,0.0,0.05905107068896625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511943496502715,0.0,0.0,0.1539022927398128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806277270678027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863608855938457,0.0,0.09509472457683224,0.0,0.0 bpd,AmorraTheExplorer,2020/01/04,Made a subreddit for entertainment suggestions for pwBPD Hey guys! I have been wanting a subreddit to find movies / shows / books / music that reminds others of the struggle with BPD. So I created one! It's r/BPDentertainment if anyone else is interested :),5.215116279069769,8.653921674418608,6.150046511627908,66.28739534883721,76.44186046511628,9.951627906976746,31.85581395348837,9.888512548439397,4.447803720930233,204,10,30,7,5,67,39,43,0.049,0.7070000000000001,0.244,0.8433,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,5,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,2,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,19,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407690747247768,0.35281488340071426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336815467628904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28765014147705203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31471861388247946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409486701746197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258208586169383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23333228109321735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35997674999530943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203099422321962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sewxcute,2020/01/04,"i am struggling my dudes i feel so fucking empty. nothing makes me happy anymore. nothing makes me smile. I quit my job months ago wanting to start my own business and im dragging my feet. I don't really talk to my family much (toxic) and I have no friends. i can't even remember the last time I had a hug or laughed. and today I turned 32. i keep repeating to myself (like with holidays) its just a saturday. all I can think is how I've been on this planet so many years and this is the complete opposite of where I wanted to be in life. I don't want to die but.. I'm tired and I don't want to be here anymore.",-0.8207294317217979,1.319185557251913,1.8406997455470733,94.82820822731131,94.19083969465649,5.048515691263783,20.254877014419,6.691623216298621,0.3880276505513147,472,17,107,7,18,162,87,131,0.14,0.763,0.09699999999999999,-0.3564,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,1,1,4,0,13,5,1,3,1,21,26,10,1,4,3,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,3,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,1,21,5,10,22,3,12,0,0,0,2,2,3,1,1,10,69,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432823649318754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206029936408468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947440391472368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677547604899008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676039736391496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237795354028785,0.0,0.08172904693901006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488114451910524,0.14943175832444053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720666934065776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17459681452077355,0.0,0.1604008081153354,0.1436713119112993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131756571684838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416972399468688,0.07896817901994606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21578928638031775,0.16387559692295914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901793704680953,0.0,0.11882255369179642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31019210707110995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192194614395168,0.0,0.0,0.1035494638997564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310438367330145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144082327882969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897916907295418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991852941706414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357112587046396,0.0,0.0,0.09425243779437313,0.18577914277933372,0.15321395689723766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581576604099178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813532026566642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408959472761316 bpd,chronicallyearly,2020/01/04,"Therapy dogs for BPD? My therapist recently suggested that I consider getting a dog to support my mental health because I LOVE dogs, need somewhere to put my caring energy, and get really depressed when I feel lonely. Has anyone found adopting a dog helpful in reducing depression-like symptoms and loneliness? What breed did you pick?",8.253421052631577,10.284287280701754,8.392061403508773,60.276513157894755,62.15789473684211,12.717543859649124,42.32017543859649,12.161744961471696,6.5351438596491205,273,16,35,10,4,89,48,57,0.13,0.631,0.239,0.8116,0,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,1,0,6,10,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,7,3,4,8,0,4,0,2,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640953421251104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430601704332444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29557417982667594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392742767073341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20213154738061925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866243771840695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573170622014886,0.0,0.0,0.24522366306581225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494563430863529,0.0,0.0,0.15730261924632602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118099658907417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365045912758789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17401397442048847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23592056185221255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034351030605694,0.0,0.23172048908643686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26631472754570074,0.0,0.24392479965421465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683796977004429,0.27248427385541624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tell_tale_signs,2020/01/04,"So. Many. Clothes. I've started coming out of a long, severe depressive phase that included lots of hoarding & self-soothing via shopping. No exaggeration, I have thrown away or donated roughly 20 trash bags of stuff. At least. I'm getting stuck on clothes though. I'm trying to minimalize, since it all very much overwhelms me, worsens my depression, and makes me embarrased to have others over. On the other hand, my clothes run with my ""identity"". I've gotten rid of clothes that I didn't feel suit me anymore, only to go through another identity phase and have a meltdown because I no longer own anything that represents who I am. Anyone else have this issue? Any recommendations? Put the ""off me"" clothes in storage or something? Even then, I do REALLY need to purge, but I can never tell if I truly no longer like an item, or if it just doesn't fit the current me. I feel like my identities cycle, so I often miss items later on after a purge.",4.2449906890130364,6.323213871508383,5.017072625698326,80.34724767225326,72.29608938547486,7.901824953445066,30.927746741154564,8.648137234880735,2.6310354562383607,749,34,135,14,15,242,122,179,0.14300000000000002,0.809,0.048,-0.9016,1,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,7,0,9,1,1,1,2,20,22,12,0,3,7,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,2,1,2,4,6,4,0,0,3,4,18,2,20,19,7,21,0,4,0,0,2,10,0,7,9,90,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939958396769884,0.0,0.12175715205422635,0.18774492953316668,0.0,0.0,0.17756513051071146,0.12519285097841534,0.1834533823375915,0.14733927835262858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821924098783902,0.0,0.0,0.109144539790415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15423193609005587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084234367842676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14956962947596866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182579343755931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810616765793348,0.12791021695225313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354393948358612,0.0,0.10175574419696637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18687709552166984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749452786405106,0.0,0.0,0.1584497273840987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221817178825953,0.0,0.0,0.11951433255129977,0.1815241425209116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316191219195886,0.13276004843072473,0.13809100942950422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617225173405806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999028711119308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470120015330924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867836158200324,0.2022705718711192,0.0,0.1481083757799013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378380551459924,0.0,0.0,0.12672940171801034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049643829860334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649375170543986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591139917579154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156021385014815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773137641249234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shmerp_22,2020/01/04,"DAE constantly need to change their aesthetic? Like literally sometimes I will look at my closet and just be like nope. None of this is me anymore. I have to get rid of ALL of it. Lolol. Like who am I ?? So pro tip: if anyone else feels this way too, I've found that a way to be true to expressing myself and honor my constantly evolving aesthetics (and also not break the bank) is selling clothes back to secondhand shops and then buying from there. It's also more sustainable for the environment so you don't have to contribute to fast fashion (not that you should feel guilty for shopping where you want to shop! This is just something important to me)",3.2965733333333347,5.7249196640000015,3.8597,85.94368333333334,76.36,7.686666666666667,25.61666666666667,8.59863814320734,1.9249066666666663,518,19,100,11,12,163,87,125,0.021,0.846,0.133,0.9124,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,1,1,10,5,0,0,3,0,11,0,0,0,2,17,18,10,0,4,5,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,0,3,3,6,0,5,0,0,0,1,3,12,5,16,13,3,10,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,1,8,72,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371862797545305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090773639711538,0.14741064980109705,0.21601059555114666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210801112937945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22302021747223627,0.0,0.0,0.4556442983793425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17611354082321518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21319443714272096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311538819615671,0.0,0.0,0.11014505058765188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089888560227523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703618880958308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563207871204432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622999805307842,0.2085069420851855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434743894302515,0.3346791234912432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,M0LM0,2020/01/04,"Inpatient treatment? Background: I live in Canada. Healthcare is free. I'm really struggling right now. Financially, mentally ... I feel like I am stuck. Right now I feel like I only have two options. Suicide or inpatient treatment. I know that this is extreme, but right now I am in crisis. My student loan amount came through and it is so much lower than i was anticipating. I have disability status, but they still lowered my amount. I live alone. I can't afford to keep going to university, and I don't have the mental stability to work and go to school full time. I am appealing my loan to ask for more, but this will take a long time. Even if they give me enough to make it through this semester, I am in almost $5K debt outside of student loans that have to be paid back by August 9, and if I am working full time just to pay bills I can't pay off this debt in time. Of course my brain's solution is suicide. Besides all this, I'm already in a dark place. Things are really hard right now. My thought is that if I were to go inpatient, I would be safe, I would be able to get out of my rental contract for health reasons, and I would be able to use my student loan amount to pay off my debt and then come back to school in the fall and start over. If I stick through what I'm dealing with and don't get help, I really do think I might kill myself. I don't know what I should do. I don't know if inpatient treatment is the answer, but it offers me a way through this hell that isn't suicide.",3.117365812207904,4.295349013029317,4.221515366095453,88.57034414388899,73.52768729641694,7.4238209885285364,26.37714204786857,7.893859768569023,1.3283526129443426,1165,40,256,16,23,380,146,307,0.20199999999999999,0.759,0.039,-0.9948,7,1,0,0,0,4,39.0,0,0,2,2,10,7,2,1,6,0,37,2,1,3,1,44,63,20,4,9,11,0,3,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,16,12,0,2,9,0,13,6,7,3,0,1,6,3,39,5,35,47,9,39,1,0,0,0,7,17,1,9,17,169,55,10,0.2060770270318553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031781874037614,0.10671682521271944,0.11370556187977685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632710096049428,0.0,0.0,0.1584605134117618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502505796614995,0.0,0.11784860968901492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875855574046791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062281830289757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646632839279456,0.0,0.06805596639790502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419873678915473,0.1472214692876944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766674110851886,0.09884393113556182,0.17567748526373242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230226928364588,0.0,0.0,0.1095251215693166,0.0,0.0,0.06906454365107828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158536514667542,0.11399684877951692,0.0,0.16988181701528698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067882605505732,0.0,0.181969790375284,0.09118584202866813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877900787905178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20767717341407035,0.10930757979912847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574516319752317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836543262210721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107653315994463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980273306306981,0.1059407529345662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35197731019891715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20856095328363067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293119020289215,0.0,0.08228668999409376,0.0,0.0,0.10771822638664978,0.0,0.33812222987685586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774721388627512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684542099127426,0.06602291894818224,0.0,0.08180107021799936,0.2403303433796537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065365562347077,0.0,0.0,0.08899219279518912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178717598091821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002653004473693,0.0,0.0,0.2195868110470131,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PutridRepresentative,2020/01/04,L i t e r a l l y ‘All moods are big moods when you have BPD’,-8.19,-8.656102777777775,-2.0349999999999984,117.66750000000002,132.33333333333334,1.8,4.5,3.1291,-3.3926,42,0,18,0,4,18,15,18,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LimeGreenSea,2020/01/04,"You're Welcome - Thank you You can never stop hearing my voice. You do not have to listen, but I will always be heard.It's not your choice, it's not something you influenced or deserve, but here I am. You're welcome. I know who you like love and care about. I know your fear of losing them; like others have left you before.I know how bad you felt, but I want it to happen more. I know you love them, but I whisper “you loved them”. You have me. You’re welcome. Sobriety silences me, that’s why you’re always drunk. It’s something we agree on- some days I don’t even have to whisper for you to go. You push yourself in the wrong way thinking alcohol will distract you from me assuming it will drown me out. The days when you’re sober and losing me I lure you back- drink only some. You deserve it. You’re welcome. Calling you a personable people person may be true, I don’t let you decide. Instead you reside in a state of self hate with a twinkle of hope you’re a good guy. “They all hate, they all stare, nobody fucking cares.” It’s all I have to say to keep you paranoid all day. Don’t trust anyone today. Or anyday. Stay alone, trust me, I’ll help you. You’re welcome. On the good days when you push me into the back of your mind I have my ways of getting your attention. I have my ways of keeping you aside. Whether it be taking away your slumber or making your nightmares when it’s bright. I pull you away from what you see and show you what you fear. Dissociations are my way of reminding you hey. I am here. I always will be. You’re welcome. What you believe will never be certain. That is all that is. That is my purpose. Each day I am with you. Each day I control you. I own you. Each decision you choose I influence you. One day my voice will be all you ever knew. Now say thank you.",0.05205408992865301,2.3874249105691057,1.577291079033241,97.16703832752614,91.22222222222223,4.096255738067585,18.64172335600907,5.709855703277628,-0.3532258060947959,1388,41,305,10,49,445,164,369,0.121,0.655,0.22399999999999998,0.9929,0,1,4,0,0,0,56.0,1,41,5,3,15,33,3,3,8,0,33,7,0,5,11,59,62,15,1,2,11,0,1,2,0,7,1,8,0,4,17,11,3,4,12,3,0,4,8,10,0,1,2,12,80,23,27,46,13,37,0,2,3,4,68,9,1,8,20,207,97,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653609586850373,0.0,0.09355541026531684,0.0,0.0,0.22548725011753334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631613577200587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973741826937894,0.13891753538900406,0.07542239958014361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177181750257837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223779098950403,0.0,0.1841964310333415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131361233335867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4077910069101973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848974155701525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059662605635683263,0.08170933106005332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20329440481290506,0.0,0.0,0.08673168166874197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350931887193651,0.047194086388247285,0.0,0.05133704448030719,0.15153028763709026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944164006816023,0.07987918014132307,0.0,0.0,0.17836582038425058,0.0,0.0,0.10180931549437908,0.0,0.06054679478314719,0.0,0.0,0.08971881242924983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605802345322174,0.0,0.0,0.19857366203566995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814461955722928,0.092369307620558,0.0,0.08826207917857655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021139975597332,0.0,0.0,0.2445810743506422,0.0,0.060296474215194414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120830280243558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933727966630755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612104510955675,0.06870060259913402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262396539868884,0.15774664593224846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366926925575768,0.0,0.0,0.07198190919848896,0.0,0.09423466821671073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908204247244468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962805560770812,0.0,0.07552054818670616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679174790009815,0.0,0.0,0.16632882872896934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05788029447838883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562298487034456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05327941422991489,0.2868013656922201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150944798705173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876249011522444,0.0,0.0 bpd,flyingwhales667,2020/01/04,"Healing Wounds First post on here, a small advice regarding self harm wounds (cuts). I self harm and have tried to kill myself a few days ago. I obviously failed. I personally do not have any problems with my self harm scars at all but that one? Nah that bitch gotta go. It's kinda like I'm being reminded of my failure. The wound got infected and I seeked advice from a friend. He told me to disinfect the wound and put wound healing cream on it, then bandage it. (repeat every day) It helped, it was really better the next day and K think it will not scar as much as it would've without it. I think this is what you're supposed to do with wounds anyways but I think this would help some of you who don't want the scars.",2.294866562009417,4.142062149659868,3.1887074829931983,92.34136577708006,77.16326530612244,6.427838827838827,20.831501831501832,7.321109707123232,0.4139454735740453,564,14,124,7,13,179,95,147,0.17800000000000002,0.72,0.10300000000000001,-0.8766,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,0,3,2,11,3,0,7,0,10,9,0,0,2,21,19,9,1,3,5,0,0,1,1,3,9,0,0,4,14,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,8,0,2,3,1,11,3,14,12,4,15,0,1,1,0,11,4,1,2,9,73,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084270919265219,0.13989216417782716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731860573240476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395732344796671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30532999579455883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296469763132054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342361000885823,0.0,0.0,0.12192633461967085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968906062797986,0.0,0.12621788904349068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115581527183019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17459727863651553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709971474531935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160110959711244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16783646962010365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693852587252604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377966791242249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114172914451987,0.0,0.0,0.15100622612865364,0.0,0.15864617669067738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109938240674674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4939017598211115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303361595502185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079758197896986,0.0,0.10714502140392357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930825033163556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212660236644926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242123944287372,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CoffeeCultureChaos,2020/01/04,"Coming to terms with the fact that I have Quiet BPD after years of confusion... help? Hey guys, been a lurker here for a little while now. I joined the sub cause I had a feeling what you all were talking about just sounded TOO familiar. Then I heard about quiet bpd and everything made sense. I'm not officially diagnosed, but yeah, it's all too real. My family's always struggled with how black and white I am, and I'm realizing now that's splitting. Guys I'm really struggling with that. I feel like I'm constantly in a whirlwind inside and I can only barely talk about it with others, cause it's too much. I'm in therapy on and off but it's expensive. I've made a lot of progress from where I started (major major depression in high school, general anxiety took over my life for a while, but it's more in check now). I've learned a lot about self care and CPTSD and emotional regulation and I KNOW I'm making progress, but the reality of it being BPD is kind of crushing me. I feel like my life is just straight up over. How can I have a healthy relationship? Healthy kids?? Even a damn dog! I'm splitting really hard on my dog cause shes acting up, and I'm staying in control and not acting out or being cruel or losing it, but god all that's inside me anyway. How could I ever trust myself around children?? I feel like I've got no where to turn to be honest about how I'm feeling inside. I've got a support network, but you can't talk about the big bads with them-- when it'll pass and be gone in a few days, maybe even just after I get it all out. I feel like it puts them through too much. Makes them worry when I Could be fine, given time. When I'm in therapy, I feel ashamed that my therapist likes me, cause, how??? LOL Can't she see? See past the good stuff, to the anger and fucked up ness? How do you guys deal with these feelings? I'm well read so Dr. Gabor Mate and Pete Walker and Melody Beattie are major players in my handbook. But I genuinely don't know anything about BPD, or even where to start. I'm scared, cause what if I can't get better enough? What if I'm just a wrecking ball disguised as a good person who goes through other people's lives and destroys them? I meditate and mindfulness and dbt but it only reigns me in. I have to check in with myself CONSTANTLY. Does it ever actually get easier? Things are changing, but the rage that's coming up is scary. Am I really this angry inside? What do I do with that? Just keep exercising? Lol Will I ever get to be normal? Happy? Okay for the long run? I don't want to feel like when I stop thinking, everything around me falls apart. And that's what it feels like right now. Is this BPD? Am I super off base? I'm learning self love, self protection, self compassion and self esteem-- but I feel so doubtful. How can I get better from this? Please, help",1.5040650406504101,3.7653869616724758,3.0040662020905917,90.56420615563302,81.82229965156796,6.0566318234610925,20.89070847851336,7.3011,0.6286755865272946,2212,65,464,32,60,723,252,574,0.145,0.665,0.18899999999999997,0.9774,0,0,0,0,0,0,83.0,0,3,4,7,47,37,6,6,21,4,37,7,0,17,8,110,93,51,0,6,22,0,12,7,1,2,5,4,0,11,35,33,0,4,17,3,3,10,8,15,1,0,11,20,51,22,61,72,15,71,0,2,4,2,32,33,2,9,34,292,86,4,0.0,0.0,0.056539753558566525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048209588711811614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04432289997067515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047678562904577615,0.1031553441795624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04837634316159371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248403507809367,0.0,0.0,0.3648584356123329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05907230349613327,0.2975947090529289,0.06129139728640615,0.0998180138926048,0.0,0.12522217057173618,0.06498310985148717,0.09251857688007664,0.0,0.0,0.03736562877553035,0.059732192355502624,0.049902464557925436,0.0588064986156672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050702493111001744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651731701367066,0.0,0.059866101684219276,0.0,0.11480377315812072,0.15722644708480174,0.0,0.0,0.10414302500013524,0.0,0.0546193920981998,0.0,0.32225068210625923,0.24834825010478415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05356333780718545,0.15135273678807834,0.0,0.0,0.09719236241373534,0.09267764422340187,0.0,0.0,0.17210508404504002,0.0,0.061676758191464814,0.05190163990846243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767009636578161,0.061215352769775314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0514985241383443,0.0,0.06033417630032849,0.06368312113488456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184754783388427,0.19814124570334385,0.05806973693868564,0.051160879399688636,0.051273871969260566,0.0,0.06481851650265773,0.0,0.09851471732414463,0.05229188344348265,0.10964588154804604,0.07734898237940357,0.0,0.058207149991092264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05850150857198134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518313180371863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567675643244387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812989099378787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05530898647063021,0.04016735687449966,0.05058978445852798,0.0,0.06359922657448495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058244334587450514,0.0,0.0,0.05795431765336041,0.06594685514877464,0.11135092653945802,0.0,0.0,0.062204414963678165,0.0,0.04947928082286634,0.0,0.0,0.058006684750771836,0.0586369954948148,0.09233918730237647,0.0,0.3022131802188576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201853326864547,0.06175487980364094,0.0,0.04843929621928392,0.0,0.12114008985667925,0.06632587953912146,0.0,0.06574808051895982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397066491743369,0.0,0.0,0.13251576536288096,0.06727122507530818,0.03849185703323728,0.03712474017755594,0.0,0.0,0.033784486118203096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643719593623668,0.0,0.06302060133587059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0341737102052323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052093794283554935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058839499942193285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03731058368799428 bpd,throwaway09278,2020/01/04,"Miss a friend so fckn much. She was in love with me. I feel pathetic because I'm older than her but I don't know how to cope with my feelings Three years ago I (borderline) made friends with a girl very much younger than me. Now I'm 30, she's 22. It started with a little chat from time to time, we had some interests in common, but I didn't think of it as a friendship, she was an acquaintance who was very nice and was fun to talk with. Also, we share a few similar characteristics, so that I maybe thought of her as a ""little me"". Time passed and I started to feel like she was growing a sort of great admiration for me, but I didn't think of it too much. We started to get in touch a little more. It was weird because of the age gap, but she was a lot wiser than someone of her age, I liked her, she was like a little sister. At some point, she had a very rough time and I grew attached to her even more, I tried to help her as much as possible and I realized that I cared about her more than I thought. Until then, I didn't labeled her as ""real friend who I love so much I would feel like dying if she's suffering"" (I'm borderline, I feel too much). Then she started to have feelings for me, but I didn't take the hints and I think I hurt her because of that, because now I realized it could seem like I was making fun of her on purpose. We never openly talked about this, because I had my ""oh"" moment when she maybe decided to get over it. She's also showing symptoms of bpd and this makes me more protective of her. Problem is, now she's pulling away from me and I should respect this, but borderline me says otherwise. Especially because I can see she's suffering and I'm afraid she would feel abandoned if I give up (you know, when you push someone away because you want to know if they care enough to get back? What if she doesn't really want me to get the fuck off?) I'm the older one, I should act as such, but maybe I'm not wise enough. I don't know if I'm doing the wrong thing.",2.6392816998999145,3.6210691742243415,3.903247363153437,91.15192855493109,74.44152744630071,7.2202940950034655,24.97197628762799,7.601502580125103,0.9698371083224276,1540,48,356,19,31,505,171,419,0.085,0.7120000000000001,0.20199999999999999,0.9949,0,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,4,3,1,0,19,31,1,1,17,0,28,4,0,4,1,70,74,37,1,13,13,1,9,5,3,4,1,1,0,1,16,18,0,2,20,2,0,6,9,10,0,2,19,11,73,21,54,50,16,48,0,5,1,3,50,16,1,10,31,246,89,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690111349162718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070939172592095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418163039558768,0.05803308317162716,0.0,0.32204795947844433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505397144574557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389686798202315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025801589458001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832771517717223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596489390493698,0.0,0.04984834989184042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671253348728747,0.10783400341031286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749277580616969,0.06977237587940438,0.15772340520777206,0.07239933726195885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320782208561447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05058709352403251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079402200435933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590910301339512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184358316159578,0.3025699053699064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641633453794155,0.1362323221974874,0.07141315285968461,0.10075589934093307,0.0,0.2274644176955611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328823259029573,0.0,0.058208432197848776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05114158107476849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134515659436752,0.08508300845997291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722162297763395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590332406222237,0.0483491073004589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060018129666488736,0.0,0.0,0.06014117816978028,0.0687066064434211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789386282277213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136770472705561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844399992867157,0.05674533019368819,0.12132259661304225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05014004778580186,0.14507766499268696,0.0,0.11983220827143705,0.17603263432291685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05124033414691325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868161839701379,0.08903033497339083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722586882592472,0.08251646254800313,0.0,0.04860130409963899 bpd,ShooShoo0112,2020/01/04,"How to explain to fp So my new fp is my fwb, he’s very honest and open to me about everything and I usually never tell my fp who they are to me out of fear they’ll be creeped out, but because my friend is so honest with me I felt guilty hiding the fact that he’s my fp. I told him a couple nights ago over text and he took it well, he said we would talk more about it more in person. I’m not sure how clear his understanding of bpd is, he has another friend that has it too, but some of the things he has said about BPD have been very ignorant and inaccurate. I’m struggling to figure out the best way to explain to him who he is to me",2.93370634920635,3.002631878571432,4.383809523809525,91.33896825396828,73.07142857142857,7.936507936507938,23.41269841269841,7.793537801064563,0.7013174603174597,493,11,123,6,9,165,79,140,0.126,0.713,0.161,0.835,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,2,1,9,10,0,2,4,0,13,0,0,2,4,27,23,10,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,1,8,10,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,6,3,18,7,20,14,4,13,0,0,0,0,25,6,0,1,5,80,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764951510634045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465756189693915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153626658018332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747993272880001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4195646996115464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18430062063128588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496975701256835,0.0,0.0,0.1874315425554729,0.0,0.0,0.15992818787672405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573748757279027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284649289161425,0.16086917996950653,0.0,0.15630964360864288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543783045698686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168822561884003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17412954056527832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698521440870494,0.0,0.0,0.133878358867672,0.14558484851197284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065815435058353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915966408311913,0.1850594583893264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339967817644722,0.0,0.0,0.1834474333987801,0.274866565867247,0.0,0.13221126874638092,0.0,0.0,0.14976162681783575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832275064439135,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bholio,2020/01/04,"Painfully bored I feel completely empty, no emtions or interests or motivation to do anything at all. I filled my time with lots of things to try to combat the boredom but it doesn't work. I'm still bored, my life is still boring and I'm still boring. My therapist talks about learning to do things even when I don't want to do them but with no aims or goals in life is there really much point to it? I can't see how it would be bad or even any different if I wasn't here.",3.2340571428571434,4.001132120000001,4.3774285714285694,89.12300000000002,72.8,8.114285714285714,24.285714285714285,8.418075326091056,1.192071428571428,372,10,85,6,7,122,64,100,0.265,0.705,0.03,-0.9684,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,3,10,7,0,0,1,0,11,3,0,2,1,18,16,10,0,3,7,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,1,2,9,1,12,13,3,9,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,6,5,60,14,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386919220915702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678321755194308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028841520945462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138360424094522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21308269499685006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694120212967065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312245119993556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28810960685588577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17338965692279212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992555833518958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21701550269753214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927971827505257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065458288961493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252048873274805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4886204248612369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639260178792545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367998397275997,0.27098854126959754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892396621458673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846759245182386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029406466787725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847688177390966,0.0,0.0,0.1448791089292231,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,angelicTyTy,2020/01/04,"Do you ever get overly emotionally invested in movies? Sometimes, when I watch movies, I'm completely disconnected. I think about how the actors must be feeling, or what they did on set that day, or what type of environment the writer may have been sitting in when he first had the idea for the film. I enjoy the movie, but find myself just going off on mental journeys about how it might have been made. Sometimes, I can enjoy a movie in a way I think is probably more ""normal"" or at least the way most people view it. I'm just consuming what is in front of me, enjoying the characters, perhaps connecting with them- but when it's over, it's just another movie that I'll form an opinion of, and it will file away in whatever part of my brain that media goes into. But SOMETIMES I get way overly invested in the film, I feel like the characters' plights hurt me as though it happened to me or a very close friend. I watched Mr. Nobody for the first time last night. If you haven't seen it, I don't want to spoil too much, but it's a whirlwind of a film where a man goes down very different life paths. He experiences different types of love, and I found myself practically sobbing at the romantic parts because I was sad that I've never had a love that strong, and crying again feeling like I was most similar to a character who had severe depression and anxiety attacks. After the movie, I feel like I watched my own version of the film, with several big choices I could have made in my life- or very small choices- and where my life might be now. I was practically screaming in my head ""Am I on the right path? AM I ON THE RIGHT PATH?"" The only way I stopped crying was coming up with all the ways those choices still could have eventually lead to failures... And trying to convince myself that I can and WILL make better choices in the future, and there are endless possibilities on where my path can lead now. The last time I got so overly emotionally in a film is when I was 18 and I saw the film ""Gimme Shelter"" in theaters. I didn't know anything about it going in, I hadn't even seen previews, but it's about a girl who gets pregnant and has to go to a women's shelter and the lives of the people that led them there. At the end of the movie, I was weeping like a young widow at a funeral. Looking back, I wonder if being so attached to that film was like a premonition, because I can see a clear path of different choices that could have led me to a very similar situation. I'm still kind of going in between feeling overly emotional and just completely dissociating. It's like, the past seems clearer than it ever has before- but I know the past isn't what's IMPORTANT, the future is- but right now my future is confusing, I have no idea where I'm going, and it's like a dark, blurry, cloud. ""Why do we remember the past, but not the future?"" Do you have similar experiences? Do you ever watch movies the first way, like you're not ""really watching""? Or do you have any films that feel almost like memories from your life?",6.447565098218362,6.073273214405365,6.9023054667275785,77.79835541343083,65.59966499162478,10.117435663164306,32.32876503730775,9.650220023710373,2.810319262981574,2387,85,471,43,33,781,251,597,0.09300000000000001,0.777,0.13,0.9764,3,0,0,0,0,0,74.0,1,6,3,7,35,27,1,1,48,0,57,8,2,9,7,89,96,39,1,8,22,0,6,9,1,6,4,1,0,4,30,20,0,1,17,9,2,12,9,8,0,3,22,18,54,19,66,62,11,97,0,5,11,2,21,42,1,18,44,332,84,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472462631951534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04395538166850426,0.0677775382778455,0.04944713389818228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05319074982853934,0.0,0.0,0.07353392745152322,0.06072859636461825,0.049701869043499665,0.0,0.07880423979339314,0.0,0.055001332730878816,0.0,0.0,0.05716618055548359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215627722849723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05567905869949629,0.13554134540559848,0.0,0.0,0.154822173033077,0.0,0.14200143546700972,0.04168552261868794,0.0,0.05567175993623162,0.0,0.0,0.20259574698278646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181238009550974,0.05724920345731192,0.0,0.0,0.04269213391664325,0.17540362175041224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645479261310344,0.0,0.0,0.19609447901769528,0.13853007344324572,0.0,0.0,0.0590770539523988,0.16494061694570325,0.0,0.07087114258024617,0.04993839173621649,0.0,0.10131050603775442,0.0,0.18367350491034634,0.0,0.051696119684346176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057158292357674716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633621757937526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919525349501959,0.14593462788377695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730949680938565,0.07104561795131188,0.1053755763683238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826201200579208,0.28420539276779155,0.0,0.057075661919659924,0.0,0.05427880714144112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667484592067595,0.12232219890570215,0.04314570449060184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513890087891225,0.13713930113355094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0475156378187321,0.0,0.04985204500972218,0.0,0.0,0.0606574530058572,0.06333054371625851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049159356938345854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999116081055646,0.18511001276510192,0.08962232502943343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286851418523345,0.0,0.0,0.06968962653763458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041408122196622967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322112938432353,0.16559895397093305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051507326479210885,0.0588431041269186,0.0,0.14604284080071095,0.0,0.0,0.07265470473192827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19178295985460334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323839553598052,0.05403943261098314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828335690899908,0.06350553179142078,0.0,0.07538071786247437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04388428527885225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21332920243510808,0.03812458177226213,0.3078350881884396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058324845719672336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009607751694953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,malibubbq,2020/01/04,"There are only two people in the world who love me and one of them will die today. I have a husband. My kids don’t speak to me, I have no contact with my Nsisters, and the only person who loves me besides my husband is my mother. Today they are taking her to hospice. She is in New York. I am in California. Either way, I wouldn’t be able to be at her bedside with all my sisters there. But it’s fucking creepy and sucky to realize the only real family I have who ever even loved me a little, is going to be gone. I’m scared.",1.8239186507936507,3.083607919642862,4.224047619047621,86.94317460317465,76.94642857142857,6.04920634920635,22.265873015873016,6.42735559955562,0.4869611111111111,405,11,86,3,9,142,72,112,0.10300000000000001,0.797,0.1,0.1621,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,0,4,5,1,1,5,0,15,4,0,0,2,12,23,4,1,1,2,4,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,2,1,1,19,3,12,17,2,13,0,0,0,4,19,6,1,0,4,68,23,0,0.1837541220220269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19070776762442165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136786456914965,0.1662161234909464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173227032544305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16987772483488942,0.0,0.0,0.10443170216052164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841699042060278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.497535808094378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747087609328366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245165486761818,0.4192598702268451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739197140839284,0.160447011622739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20915241975803445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18396993230981745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816023127791754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.348354843742698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17950107669730014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585546901073548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Nobody961404,2020/01/04,"Baby steps in managing splitting So normally, I always flip out when it comes to dating. I get attached super fast, have sex quickly and begin splitting which runs the relationship fast. I started talking to someone early last month and he started distancing himself. I could tell it was going to end so I started talking to other people. Then I met someone I was unsure about, but we had sex pretty early anyway and I started to get attached. I got myself and didn't act on those impulsive emotions to split on him and reminded myself that nothing is official so I need to slow down. Now it's been almost a month and I haven't acted on my splitting at all! I've panicked for little to no reason, but instead of questioning him to make sure he's still attracted to me, I just took a break to do something else until the feeling passes. It's something small but the effect has been great :)",4.205739348370926,6.1558769298245615,5.320939849624062,78.66907894736845,72.09941520467838,6.9909774436090215,30.342940685045942,7.7094869923839395,2.2804449456975773,709,31,118,9,14,234,109,171,0.054000000000000006,0.8029999999999999,0.14300000000000002,0.9559,0,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,2,11,4,0,0,5,0,12,2,0,3,2,24,27,15,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,0,4,0,0,8,3,0,0,0,9,1,20,4,22,17,1,39,0,0,0,2,12,9,0,2,21,89,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15679063662802514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028576100821398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348784157864038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501510091979354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080115042904372,0.17612961021794096,0.13868197573220828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917073699441636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163611489083535,0.0,0.08898710553979927,0.0,0.12523003959102522,0.17262822416104415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276322834393329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693267814064188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045172890060613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499587489162233,0.0,0.0,0.11610088977685415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534135742746997,0.15024118502811545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855173831426056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929651026988526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754036278061097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16098865967146672,0.0,0.16810658954300378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26533671795272656,0.241083383694476,0.0,0.0,0.4433079521819236,0.0,0.12504370191830458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757327648184695,0.0,0.0,0.2517035523699529,0.13685641149039218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17396434894415486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ImNotVeryCreative23,2020/01/04,"DAE??? I have found last week that a patch of my hair has fallen out and I’m panicking and really triggering my BPD to become quite manic. I have been really stressed but I’ve never had hair fallout because of it. Any ideas on how I can keep myself relaxed and calm?",2.199444444444445,4.216834129629632,3.9182962962962975,86.20633333333332,78.07407407407408,7.282962962962964,21.91111111111111,8.238735603445708,1.2618711111111116,209,6,42,4,5,70,43,54,0.098,0.758,0.145,0.6872,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,6,2,2,2,1,11,9,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,2,6,2,5,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893780558642649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976071142418964,0.3075627018374023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507397124863046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30534234237677266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143735199517955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475285725467457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270008930727664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21478333269857092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962010533094045,0.0,0.0,0.3568068063986494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190014472428184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22338234293991305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MarshmallowCheeks,2020/01/04,"Met a new guy, but still obsessed with my ex. I met a nice guy and already I am ruining his life. Things were going good between us, but I realized that deep down I am still obsessed with my ex 😢 I'm a POS, because this new guy is so sweet, takes care of me, tells me he loves me, things I am not used to...but all my stupid heart can think of is my ex. I Miss him. I am still obsessed with him. I wanna stalk him, find him and make things work again. I hate this. I hate who I have become. I never thought that I would be on the other side of the spectrum. I never thought that I might be the dumper....I don’t know what to do. I know everyone would say to pick the nice guy, but I don't know if I will ever love him like that...",-0.3964518633540379,1.235730267080747,1.6002135093167702,101.51224572981369,84.83850931677019,4.770341614906832,17.515916149068325,5.602791699666715,-0.7900034161490685,547,12,144,3,16,181,87,161,0.141,0.6609999999999999,0.198,0.9336,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,0,1,6,16,3,3,7,0,18,4,1,3,4,29,37,7,0,4,5,3,0,1,0,4,1,1,0,4,12,5,0,0,8,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,5,2,32,8,12,26,1,14,0,2,0,2,22,4,0,2,10,97,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995149271859142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730965886000131,0.14006519740421955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930372339273358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471797453102656,0.0,0.12118408278111545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591322749862384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207600019221372,0.10637247577669436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5022958163645381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504214068893487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028496206558847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090945551298012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957829692707725,0.061958939205007765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289240416332753,0.0,0.08465482832365337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453835243802062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956262558095597,0.2449714145183661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008541335337818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038412080770944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535453937959383,0.0,0.1108482254934734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527651779327083,0.08126256893401855,0.0,0.20136538079098915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525515365051215,0.1095336940083536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232809934729264,0.0,0.0,0.18018175762787395,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dokidokideadinside,2020/01/04,"how to cope w/ having an fp? (rant & need for advice) i really need help coping lately. i recently got a new favorite person after not having one for 6-8 months (and i was really proud of myself for that, now i feel like a failure). my new fp was a potential boyfriend; we'd probably be dating right now if he didn't move 5,000 miles away. i really really like him and, at first, it was definitely just a love interest but, after he moved, its developed into making him a fp and i hate it so much. whenever he leaves me on read, i get this dreading feeling and sometimes i get self harm thoughts -- i mostly get self harm/suicidal thoughts whenever i see other girls on his story or that he's still on tinder. all my emotions are dependent on his mood and actions and i just want it to go back to just having him be a love interest. i literally do anything to get his attention and im literally fighting an identity crisis because a part of me idolizes him so much that i want to be like him. how can i cope? how can i just get this to ""tone back down"" to just having a crush on him? what can i do to be more independent?",2.531337623534821,4.134007144104807,4.723626752470697,82.66358768099289,75.81222707423579,8.314502413238335,25.153068260170073,8.99025400887824,1.973256768558952,872,30,179,20,19,303,124,229,0.10800000000000001,0.747,0.14400000000000002,-0.3014,0,0,0,0,2,0,32.0,1,0,0,2,15,13,2,1,10,0,19,2,0,6,1,34,39,15,0,5,9,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,11,8,0,0,5,1,0,4,2,4,0,2,7,3,31,8,24,27,6,29,0,0,1,2,22,11,0,4,17,128,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995760507007518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300813994477192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101929704842402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533509370081535,0.18878650475700728,0.0,0.07483208014575406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808612157216127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414017154799772,0.08769827262831505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104417812196663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320679696392839,0.0,0.06976614697959399,0.0,0.0981807116364777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119801760147048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822820368166057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259960392366532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384762650108563,0.1299828976912695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17991993650099644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22158760604303235,0.0,0.08194185553596132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798418945048877,0.26094445362325874,0.1804823713419586,0.18204686378996746,0.0,0.2371207012807248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318393415613821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293484960882754,0.0,0.0,0.10718746859169953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235378533095524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279112610798612,0.0,0.3145674321104388,0.0,0.12120862262512765,0.0,0.0,0.10483458105042072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782215762225974,0.0,0.2561265370819015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214107080199072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803462236450954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427722483187607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19491213046508232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481158710166056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,1dennaB,2020/01/04,"Does anyone look like they have BPD / a mental disorder? I sent my ex a selfie this morning while she was asleep on the phone with me, and she told me ""you look so crazy"" when she woke up. She has been telling me ""you look crazy"" since we met in 2018. And she isn't the first woman to tell me ""you look crazy""... I've been told I look crazy for over 20 years. Btw, I've never told her I have a mental disorder, but it's pretty obvious that I do.",3.145192982456141,3.126630273684213,4.123947368421053,93.69679824561405,72.57894736842105,7.596491228070175,21.09649122807017,7.1686216300943375,0.1746491228070175,336,5,84,3,6,109,63,95,0.106,0.8290000000000001,0.065,-0.2082,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,3,1,1,2,1,0,0,5,0,8,1,1,0,2,7,19,6,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,9,5,20,1,7,10,0,10,0,0,5,0,21,4,0,0,6,51,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045233676773327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827108846511334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426454559104323,0.0,0.13081530580323172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715184027890306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303080623153231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6276486359739265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012913837914868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529202537309916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207995669580662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365551304845865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26131290758021114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4285178885318121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096263420501959 bpd,hatethesem,2020/01/04,"an open letter to my piece of shit self Dear ASSHOLE, Why are you still fucking here, why are you still fucking breathing, you are a worthless piece of shit and you should just die, everyone wants you to die, nobody wants you here, nobody cares. Your mom left you cuz she always knew you were a piece of shit, anyone who has ever showed you any affection has only ended up regretting it. I hope you fucking get cancer ,you pile of toxic waste. what gives you the audacity to look at yourself in the fucking mirror? what gives you the right to get out of that stink pile of a bed and show your face out in public. You are a waste of fucking space. Just check your phone, you asshole, see how many people want to talk to you, unless they need something, why do you think that is you dick? its because nobody cares about a fucking degenerate like yourself, because you have hurt everyone that has given a shit about you and continue to blame everything but yourself. nobody loves you, why dont you die of cancer already, or just go up 10 floors and fucking jump and make a mess for your building's janitor, even in death make other people clean up your mess. just fucking stop existing, you garbage i hate the fuck out of you, \-yourself",5.87539548022599,6.5854912288135585,5.5459999999999985,83.32329378531074,66.79661016949153,8.15774011299435,29.292655367231642,8.021203637495839,1.8528167231638413,974,32,185,11,15,300,125,236,0.245,0.679,0.076,-0.9936,1,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,29,1,0,13,26,14,0,12,0,13,19,7,5,1,32,43,10,4,7,7,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,1,9,9,0,1,2,2,1,2,1,20,0,0,3,3,34,6,30,39,3,23,0,3,2,11,41,15,14,2,7,120,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891167015114483,0.0,0.06704120076672496,0.0,0.0,0.054790776760206966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05633684292219052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823019039717393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642942105194476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508587139342345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442815326941162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136164463285355,0.0,0.0,0.05321612712829068,0.07288072827075398,0.0,0.15397733866931795,0.0724116678242634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6703760645252849,0.08418963517203211,0.15458133896492546,0.04579013364144457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954679544898355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002479404249617,0.0,0.0,0.08625250295183162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754020203555299,0.0,0.0,0.03936272960365986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676590190326569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271811998565719,0.0,0.10756301381863842,0.0816859511055394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943633230614843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059742085401295435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06127757852263677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171503049277227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880685954962787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420434357551498,0.0,0.08405271661004182,0.0,0.3308182877595133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062027190856120386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868758427701166,0.06736063653744129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475960326573224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0516263927189704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256789746797016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29080976937027914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,succubuslifestyle,2020/01/04,"Have any of you gone to rehab? Going on Thursday. Hi, Huge huge substance abuse issues all across the board. You name it, give me. Numb me down. Make me want to socialize or feel like people like me. I am ready to go, I want to go. I'm terrified I'm going to fail. I've failed at everything else. I'm terrified I'm going to lose my mother's savings. I just wanted to hear about other people's experiences if possible. Thank you.",0.059734848484851,2.4144576250000007,2.5563636363636384,89.79621212121214,92.0681818181818,5.660606060606061,17.56060606060606,7.1686216300943375,0.4329515151515149,333,9,69,6,12,114,58,88,0.231,0.604,0.165,-0.8979,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,3,0,3,2,8,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,1,11,20,2,0,4,3,1,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,0,4,0,0,1,2,11,4,13,19,1,13,0,3,0,0,9,6,0,2,3,33,13,2,0.0,0.2267134188900736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130121668212907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984481710554158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17196921767707468,0.1871728551059824,0.0,0.0,0.09675015803357516,0.1366974385528452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835562743409532,0.5437309826061876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156605613455481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19971524472938249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18696373164622584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21406694445328686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772477069766888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653100939925494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157135774064388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19505289042113028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17616545400316286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385820342231789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,conorhol,2020/01/04,"What is BPD I am just looking to understand what exactly BPD is - how it affects behaviour, what triggers it, how other people should behave around someone with BPD or what helps? Someone who used to be close to me was diagnosed after we lost contact, and I am trying to understand if my actions may have worsened it, or what I could have done to help. I know this is a broad question, anything would help really. Thank yyou",6.293125,6.9718670624999985,6.580000000000003,76.385,65.875,9.4,34.75,9.3871,3.312575,335,15,58,6,5,108,56,80,0.061,0.812,0.127,0.6801,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,14,1,0,5,1,23,21,6,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,11,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,7,1,8,13,0,5,0,1,1,0,7,3,0,5,1,48,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599596750287626,0.14711759310854658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6244224607019917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194769943021134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16773673927001648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16911968587845413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323134945084084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082328770767108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877786863124245,0.0,0.18040222939851505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457137605245285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18513047616205885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587061958629483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800507238776458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215040011718706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220157365534228,0.0,0.0,0.3440856800142834,0.0,0.1427327009796465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739688488696955,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,birthreynolds,2020/01/04,"i just had a fucking horrible episode i’d like to note that i’ve been up all night i should have known it was coming. I used the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror for awhile, i gave myself a “You’re gonna be okay” speech. aloud and i actually liked my face, which should have been a signal that i’m being crazy right now. i don’t know how long i spent checking myself out. thinking oh i’m so skinny and pretty and perfect. i was looking at myself awhile pacing back and forth, zoning out at my face. i didn’t feel myself then but the drop off was when i decided to weigh myself and then get changed. after that i felt hideous and fucked up and i was very unaware of my surroundings, i walked into multiple things on my way to the living room. noises were louder and muffled, colours were brighter, i couldn’t stand having the lights on. it felt like the lights were going to give me cancer. I sat there on the couch chewing my nails, feeling the most uncomfortable i’ve ever been. there’s a pretty loud clock in the living room and i sat there listening to it. “tick tick, tick tick, tick tick” totally spaced out. i was thinking maybe i should check myself into the hospital. it’s not good for me to be like this right now. i wasn’t even paying attention to what i was doing on my phone until i saw a video on youtube about how great book Ron Weasley was compared to movie Ron, 30 minutes long. I covered myself with a blanket and watched the whole thing plus another 30 minute long harry potter character analysis. and i feel better. i need to get some sleep and probably avoid the mirror but i feel better. in the past i’ve only gotten that bad when i smoke pot and thought i could avoid feeling that by avoiding pot. simple. it was the same foggy, zonked out, paranoid, self hating feeling but i don’t have anything to blame it on this time, it was my sober brain.",3.0522526737967937,4.935523593582894,3.639247994652409,89.7876955213904,75.09625668449199,6.172326203208556,23.184826203208562,6.9077264865688965,0.6804334224598927,1480,43,299,14,32,465,195,374,0.133,0.757,0.11,-0.9209999999999999,0,3,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,0,3,15,17,3,3,20,1,33,10,5,3,4,62,66,26,0,6,5,0,8,4,0,4,1,3,3,1,18,23,3,3,15,2,4,3,6,7,0,0,27,18,45,10,40,30,6,50,0,0,5,2,5,27,2,2,21,196,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.11614184618427613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479800681069772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793951990637542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915154835805324,0.09937287400115127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105188701619394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286052880943966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590249493541694,0.10252121459926618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950240994070086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860853838407991,0.10765622819413316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610665236566995,0.0,0.2285468646543809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22005560863559867,0.12436125146814953,0.1141704007151142,0.06763918519076308,0.09982445708796492,0.0,0.13121488054198113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750305143979063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654077422863276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232579618843138,0.0,0.21018552830217135,0.31597460777880565,0.09994294740457256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956694954617915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824839887523693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116878751528651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051656224000916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361365048445406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24216286377733925,0.128318713076092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20327697455155452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415900134931318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191013350519778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581370648979084,0.15252050431619305,0.0,0.09448492040351604,0.06939882725330078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279107877659067,0.0,0.09820015574068006,0.0,0.09446887176404004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328764254663044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,normelpersan,2020/01/04,"I can only see myself thru other people's eyes I can only see myself thru other people's eyes. My parents, therapist, nieces & nephews, work customers.. The only reason I take care of my house is because of my airbnb guests, the only reason my car stays clean is because of my airbnb passengers, and the only reason I'm not totally sedentary is because I walk my dogs. It's really nice seeing myself through my dogs eyes lol Ok, self, I know this about myself now & I'm done isolating. I'm going to work on my relationships & get involved in community activities again. Maybe even volunteer. If I see myself through others' eyes, perhaps I can use that as ammunition to contribute to others in a meaningful way. It's a nice theory. I'll let ya'll know if I can put it into practice.",3.396334586466168,5.689753934210527,5.257443609022558,76.7071052631579,75.44736842105263,7.76390977443609,25.98872180451128,8.634040054169528,2.255906390977444,626,23,107,13,14,214,84,152,0.0,0.868,0.132,0.9544,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,5,2,9,4,4,4,1,13,23,4,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,9,2,0,0,6,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,8,21,4,16,21,1,12,0,0,8,0,6,4,0,2,2,68,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909703441176588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199649144614301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263358755354095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308831204853735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944387772173024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284139266579912,0.0,0.06835795790067399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387870968720109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220560481256366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299456085873073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083753641233827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4573922152865661,0.0,0.0,0.13355682704821606,0.0,0.0,0.16677416604841605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091473131050985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705451788608163,0.37100395456910856,0.0,0.12913582368028614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833906971787561,0.0,0.1254783859871971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820259260338346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904356730557392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965447734142905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388339563461524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954727520853148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17513070401798694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,theprincessth,2020/01/04,"same thing over and over again i just met a guy and it’s been going great but i can feel the same events about to happen all over again - the obsessive thoughts, the anxiety when he doesn’t reply, the “oh well i guess he hates me now” thoughts - you guys know what i’m talking about and it’s painful to be so self aware yet feeling like nothing i try (i.e. mindfulness, distractions) is helping much with the anxiety i would talk to my best friend about it but i know he would only say “this means you’re not ready for a relationship” but is that really true? or do i just act this way with any guy i like and hence i’ll NEVER be ready for a rs??",2.9500746268656712,4.0625710223880604,3.5494328358208977,93.48176119402989,73.8507462686567,7.44955223880597,23.101492537313433,7.908726449838941,0.7550322388059705,503,13,118,7,10,158,87,134,0.129,0.667,0.205,0.9267,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,12,11,1,2,8,0,10,1,0,0,3,29,23,10,0,2,7,0,2,2,1,2,1,1,0,4,8,6,0,0,7,0,0,2,3,4,1,0,4,3,11,7,13,15,5,13,0,0,0,0,15,3,0,2,9,74,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659405982556154,0.0,0.2398236825103992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449742441030168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851306358429365,0.11198084948666273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110316676278167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908353802243417,0.0,0.0,0.1728152958511247,0.17267566634928774,0.4656156869445757,0.13861179686824548,0.0,0.0,0.1547562632690924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050649243602256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228927523276413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315837454296652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17074459586439594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582708625499323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522786398482875,0.0,0.12089377151286465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040399659927942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921396733603845,0.16679099351108545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004168246786876,0.0,0.0,0.1682887612821404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465235328564868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635224180530111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25197631546631194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413644985416504,0.0,0.0,0.2488809105424509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642164742634494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441931856502572,0.0,0.0,0.1409353357890294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226986571644652,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bratbones,2020/01/04,"I’m crippled with anxiety when I’m not with my boyfriend I hate being away from him I get such bad intrusive thoughts and can’t sleep from stress and I start spiralling. Being with him makes stupid little things seem less big and it’s so hard feeling so anxious with no one to speak to to calm down. I hate being alone, Im always so stressed out and I can’t do anything about it Im so desperate to not be left alone",0.3395454545454548,2.6838602272727314,1.4754545454545465,98.73318181818182,88.77272727272728,4.5636363636363635,20.5,6.1124844417494595,-0.04342272727272745,332,11,75,3,11,104,56,88,0.353,0.606,0.040999999999999995,-0.9825,0,2,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,3,2,0,0,7,1,1,1,0,15,17,9,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,9,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,1,3,8,1,14,12,1,8,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,2,47,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736040027381963,0.0,0.0,0.15007672809698552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379774435980444,0.20375920949200885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484236416920975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945727323531573,0.0,0.15059583566225668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119711223392928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423238875345924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157010479580314,0.35614286901343706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896466650692693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959652713285771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807714264750697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039391444018052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221885123405048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419598954964354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804935729285159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766208388390876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4132111397875882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198253732562929,0.0,0.0,0.14318832668042242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,threekoalasinatree,2020/01/04,"Going to look for a psychologist on saturday Because my boyfriend left me. Don’t know what to do anymore. Just want to go to him or die. Hospital, mental institution, whatever, here I come.",2.9961428571428566,5.849158257142857,5.016785714285717,74.67946428571432,80.71428571428572,9.214285714285714,31.607142857142854,9.516144504307137,3.8877142857142872,149,8,26,5,4,51,31,35,0.111,0.852,0.037000000000000005,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,8,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,6,8,0,6,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3502487572375423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215288549676989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042238292310631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665336727834187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4014281727979108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940924509867009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3837191612571081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965730193785223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559112944821501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20830823159543294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Goose11-11,2020/01/04,Self image issues and severity Does anybody else deal with self harming issues or suicidal ideations because of self image issues?,13.517142857142858,13.309504523809526,11.142857142857142,52.57714285714289,51.38095238095239,12.20952380952381,49.57142857142857,11.20814326018867,6.471914285714287,109,6,11,2,1,33,16,21,0.299,0.701,0.0,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199100666771966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20631444588048745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751259473065684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671741866494508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6266183828234938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6263049356388436,0.22607810458677774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21889828263337024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,m-e-l--,2020/01/04,feeling like a child i heard bpd described as ‘feeling like a small child trapped in an adults body and everyone has these expectations of you that you’re never able to meet’ today and i’ve never related to anything more. is this just me?,5.79340579710145,6.683754717391306,5.78130434782609,80.92384057971016,67.04347826086956,8.742028985507247,32.72463768115942,8.841846274778883,2.647211594202899,191,8,36,3,3,60,37,46,0.07200000000000001,0.789,0.139,0.2732,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,2,1,1,0,2,8,5,3,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,3,2,5,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,5,22,6,0,0.2805292064170051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308516342437217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116047075466681,0.35331671509179663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680576785464813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28368799144795,0.4008202422333885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741048003555979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4327228361315984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659088862641801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SousSuds,2020/01/04,"I have never been more miserable than I am now I don’t know what to do. I don’t have anyone. I don’t care about the things I used to love. I feel so empty It’s like no one can see me. Or hear me like I can’t even get this post out it just hurts so much I spend hours of my days lying in bed crying because I’m in so much pain how can no one hear me??? I’m constantly reaching out for help and no one fucking hears me what am I supposed to do how am I supposed to live like this",-0.9474837662337664,0.5078155178571429,1.6559090909090948,101.32545454545456,85.78571428571428,4.7870129870129885,16.43181818181818,5.565023196281405,-0.9360821428571428,366,7,100,2,11,126,65,112,0.177,0.632,0.191,0.4028,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,9,9,1,1,1,0,14,3,0,3,1,11,27,7,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,8,4,0,3,1,5,16,5,12,26,3,10,0,2,1,2,5,4,1,1,8,70,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766551337562245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258212195199093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17157300287587468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18185124466184135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18484803112910456,0.10852688576436803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114756513887447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508758671464199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557244542250215,0.08791952237282326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5689924570887943,0.0,0.11279475218033445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657222190056519,0.0,0.1801475644238149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248246368397868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466397944810692,0.0,0.14859460675931874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518795600889481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24741079749653064,0.0,0.12978815795066415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420933025554357,0.0,0.1790621265237092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116603084224726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409762876119774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179796802563603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14534016735172015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,surrrah,2020/01/04,"My favorite person left me on read hours ago And I just. It’s in my head he’s with another girl or something. Which, he can be because we aren’t together but man, it hurts still. It’s 3:30am, I slept until 10pm and had a cup of coffee. This is going to be a long fucking night of feeling like shit. Can’t wait.",-1.0286928104575142,1.0356477647058815,1.4125490196078443,98.39258169934642,93.41176470588236,4.1986928104575165,17.84967320261438,5.82211442006289,-0.44847581699346417,240,7,57,2,9,81,56,68,0.13,0.763,0.106,-0.5653,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,2,0,7,4,3,0,0,9,12,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,4,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,1,6,1,7,8,0,10,0,1,0,1,6,3,2,1,7,33,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23279236433173384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27537473965370723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008767482639066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278604160782384,0.18761221823598395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24278334841230656,0.0,0.0,0.1492501642317787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26951876845464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25862288869498085,0.0,0.2811348036624059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853319807493183,0.0,0.0,0.12830043048050804,0.0,0.0,0.2324060230819119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24644640029667175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293053003999057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626860810183821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695705376490442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20217386772885154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20972468914734674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SirLonelyThrowaway,2020/01/04,"I have felt like my death is right around the corner every day for the last 5 years. ive given up and checked out on nearly everything ive have tried everything everyone has told me for a long time and nothing works and nothing is getting better. i was severely suicidal in the past but never succeeded half ass attempts. i dont feel suicidal at all but for some reason i always feel like its going to be game over soon, like a car accident or stabbing or something like that. i just want it to be over with i bet millions of dollars nothing will ever be worth it again, why the fuck are we forced to live through this. alright random incoherent self pity bitching over.",7.162639040348964,6.6313282519084,7.2017011995637965,76.76213740458016,64.19083969465649,10.233805888767725,35.50817884405671,9.606745405546679,3.265402617230098,535,22,100,9,7,172,96,131,0.23,0.631,0.139,-0.9481,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,4,5,10,2,0,6,1,14,2,1,1,3,23,23,7,3,1,5,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,4,1,4,2,2,3,0,2,4,3,11,7,19,15,2,24,0,1,0,2,4,12,3,5,14,69,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715279612031444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603611644140776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515082752281707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855185046285844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17909589302348414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382282578015931,0.12875168353866606,0.14601952923765354,0.2746772411678058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453385699011865,0.1091697566680466,0.14672460412705216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127331001377982,0.07983857235583937,0.0,0.08684724409235818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245631263842295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986271770070942,0.0,0.13493682567034188,0.1352348435863995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785893462358292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4398850638992698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458774585769952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711738614013346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050160921842244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941745995366832,0.17263538158581593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764304133345245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33430560310086554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891065862664159,0.0,0.0,0.14601952923765354,0.0,0.10375010912138573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013316484353234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789011418217306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124980519471224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840666903775358 bpd,adhdbpdisaster,2020/01/04,"DAE: find that they become desensitized/emotionally cut off quicker than others? The past three weeks have been absolutely abhorrent for me. Huge abandonments, awful life situations, very triggering events. After the initial week of being constantly on high alert, overly emotional, anxious, etc, I found myself getting... almost tired of it. It wasn’t just the ‘oh I am pretending not to care’ attitude, I genuinely did not care about anything anymore. I didn’t care what happened to me one bit. It was kind of like ‘bring it on’. Obviously, life took me up on that, and when more shit happened, it did hurt, but I just... couldn’t care anymore. I don’t think it was just depression because I could still get out of bed, could still care for myself, hell, I was still pretty okay overall, I was just way more empty than I usually am. 0/10 do not recommend. Am I alone in this. (As far as why things have been bad, the only bit I’ve posted about regards my bird’s injury, so keep that in mind if you go through my post history!)",6.2195312499999975,6.8799943906250025,6.444791666666667,77.35437500000002,66.03125,9.941666666666666,31.625,9.928628108626363,3.0023875000000007,801,30,149,17,12,257,124,192,0.24100000000000002,0.685,0.075,-0.9890000000000001,1,1,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,1,1,0,11,15,3,0,4,2,21,4,1,1,1,23,36,7,0,4,9,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,13,2,0,2,3,1,0,3,7,7,0,2,12,0,20,8,25,20,5,29,1,3,0,0,2,12,2,2,12,103,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568640219572772,0.10931106267981867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192339244608106,0.20934125179295165,0.0,0.0,0.0868531701012907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812427442289608,0.06433823611757147,0.1165643190686663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304519680847941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5380423099258456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405484790813235,0.0,0.1685355263617467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090431797194552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374440875347892,0.0,0.0,0.11770871530271472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646469419120283,0.0,0.0,0.11572281687392748,0.0,0.0,0.11028407059885403,0.0,0.059982708333693124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866632414411576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151232593911407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129863207677571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938117637040526,0.0,0.1099071397688998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490967546277988,0.051563141254895695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656867920607108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151889385544234,0.08027046063459238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075305372936112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20216267609112495,0.1073755130716125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833871452261086,0.0,0.1186351282710335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528611259676167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011830061055271,0.06762790606882811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130653511618435,0.0,0.0,0.117262526293892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624107013874288,0.08708430303386984,0.0,0.08377538501763766,0.1693209907521222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523644172626898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,arctikah,2020/01/04,"Anyone else struggle a lot with group chats? I feel like whenever I’ve been in group chats it’s always really nice for a while, maybe because it’s a pit of socialization and validation, but then after some time it really exacerbates a lot of my symptoms I feel hurt and slighted when people hang out without me, talk privately outside of the chat with each other but not me (even when it’s been drilled into my head everyone there is okay with me, it still makes me feel unimportant and rejected), or don’t respond to something I posted- basically if I’m excluded in any way or even if I openly express a negative emotion in there, I start fearing abandonment immediately. There’s an internal perception that I’m always on the last straw with everyone there. It’s ridiculous. My symptoms usually only manifested in my romantic relationships before, but now I haven’t dated in years and it’s like it’s all shifted onto my friends. I think my experience is more internal, I put intense effort into not showing signs to anyone, but it’s almost every day that something happens to make me feel like shit and it’s all self loathing from there on out. I’m just trying to enjoy my friend spaces again and not have my self esteem demolished every day. :’( Mostly just looking for people who can relate to the experience, but advice would be amazing too.",6.656645256916999,7.520784948616606,7.460669466403162,69.7370911561265,65.12648221343873,10.435671936758895,34.78483201581028,10.411451182825502,3.8916167984189727,1084,48,180,26,16,362,143,253,0.14300000000000002,0.7290000000000001,0.128,-0.8024,0,1,2,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,15,16,2,2,9,1,10,4,2,2,2,49,23,19,0,3,15,0,4,3,2,1,2,0,0,2,14,16,0,1,6,4,0,2,7,7,0,0,2,5,21,9,29,19,8,34,0,3,1,0,15,14,1,9,19,127,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276753248524787,0.0,0.0,0.11555641828426487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920440686935499,0.0,0.0,0.0784759489356635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16138070930103085,0.11824092483690657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034676145664487,0.0,0.09819689000390744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488468906516001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640188200077728,0.12980945385708695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244120715246234,0.0,0.19445893375803994,0.22053926739433788,0.0,0.22576666317258964,0.0,0.12985706937716154,0.23339880484585115,0.1648835486793275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17831548861870414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204782809393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843368037625918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235380736952256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406639228515754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691358148761609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690692551926162,0.0,0.0,0.1962178857635471,0.0,0.0,0.15406077589920356,0.0,0.11593479855394752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877668908416729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000764264879114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052128880585904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600886142575564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785637433571966,0.0,0.0,0.12389639965337293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24077471014734786,0.0,0.11845642913048715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763575489515485,0.0,0.17768109707774,0.0,0.0,0.08168070532267806,0.0,0.09215857932234316,0.0,0.0,0.12064112326827968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398895463729636,0.0,0.09275413891679664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394365253257137,0.0,0.0,0.06729066090612443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834901665952222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709678297011928,0.0,0.0,0.09159913888538836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124147017743732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819768403430699,0.0,0.0,0.07431380860357853 bpd,bpdcake,2020/01/04,Self harmed again... I've been clean for 2 years but the past two weeks I've self harmed twice. Idk what to do anymore I feel so lost. My medication isn't working yet and I just want to feel better.,-0.6600000000000001,1.5318953809523812,0.6257142857142881,103.04428571428572,95.1904761904762,3.752380952380953,14.142857142857142,5.46131890053228,-1.2760285714285713,154,3,38,1,6,48,34,42,0.24600000000000002,0.605,0.149,-0.6845,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,7,3,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,2,2,3,1,3,5,0,5,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,19,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27348752148757505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24389417777079425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788729353654267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30103309110744103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778070106076493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632515350963923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5753718424127933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693850354038039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265497246534774,0.0,0.2212042667176677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007622170167221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775853990096628 bpd,Daemonryo,2020/01/04,"DAE have nagging thoughts and scenarios play on repeat days on end? Me and my wife are separated and all I can think of for a little over a week now is how I want to text her asking to talk. I know she won't want to, she told me she's done. I just keep running through what the convo would be like, all the different ways it could start and end, the good and the fucking awful. It makes it so hard to focus and just make it through my days. I've tried putting it down on paper, I've tried writing an unset letter, I tried practicing acceptance like in my CBT group. Nothing seems to work. Any suggestions?",4.2863709677419335,4.719125701612904,4.824354838709677,88.08153225806456,70.20967741935483,8.135483870967743,27.596774193548388,8.07648339933343,1.4792612903225808,473,15,104,6,8,151,84,124,0.062,0.81,0.128,0.7507,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,2,0,7,1,9,1,0,3,2,24,22,8,0,4,2,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,5,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,3,1,14,5,15,15,2,18,0,0,0,1,12,7,1,1,10,64,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453567060825065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17120319136960707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621556687574971,0.0,0.0,0.23620927936082495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19133339502588784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18740706239933935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32440022921940115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16930208105960246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536019775221801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640498147919757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277565336770786,0.0,0.0,0.10064425946827718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17893755913032633,0.1835458302784164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444833391790387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571957207844946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18409769553726965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671600052031338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129621387840165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719412824385295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734324312429405,0.0,0.14538592087925895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498995509390186,0.0,0.37300271472434826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21603135622729844,0.14536122650243022,0.14689700848974485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332188178434412,0.0,0.0,0.13009133275775142,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,D0ughnu4,2020/01/04,"Ever been the victim of someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder? I have, my therapist said that people with BPD are at greater risk of preying victim to people with NPD. Have you ever been the victim of someone with NPD?",6.9026666666666685,9.027464600000004,7.605,64.28666666666669,65.5,9.333333333333334,33.333333333333336,9.725611199111238,3.7578333333333336,184,8,26,4,3,61,26,40,0.244,0.703,0.053,-0.7882,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,4,3,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,3,0,9,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,23,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368207003516411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30649974824319515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4838143313677858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37080675553074616,0.2335109314844629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543886641493036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.453187802586768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105086648928816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,buttercup292,2020/01/04,"love suxks and i’m ranting i hate myself because i’ve loved the same girl for like three years now and i can’t move on and honest to god??? i really don’t want to and i have no one else to talk to this shit about because 1) she’s my best friend and 2) i recently am no longer able to see my therapist and jesus christ it’s just beating the ever loving shit out of my self esteem and hindering me from improving myself like i can’t stop thinking about how shitty i am and constantly overanalyze every single thing about myself that is possibly preventing her from reciprocating feelings,,,,, sometimes i’ll just think about the whole situation and cry it doesn’t matter where i am or what i’m doing at times i literally just want to kill myself sometimes i’ll cut sometimes i just get so Angry!!!!!!! like holy fuck !!! i would never wish this pain upon anyone. i’m miserable it’s hard to be around her becahse i want to be the best friend i can be for her but at the same time I’m helplessly in love with her ,,,,,,, wow",2.560620280474648,4.41972953883495,4.167508090614888,85.56743257820929,76.4271844660194,7.2962243797195265,22.60949298813377,8.167268648758528,1.1983654800431498,799,23,164,14,18,267,121,206,0.163,0.636,0.201,0.8875,0,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,3,14,22,6,1,5,0,15,8,2,1,2,34,34,13,1,5,6,0,2,3,2,1,1,0,0,2,8,12,0,2,3,0,0,1,7,9,0,2,0,3,26,13,25,30,6,18,2,2,1,5,14,8,3,1,12,110,34,0,0.11998643785691328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389730717319215,0.0,0.0,0.10681336829471838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628523768744425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518367279117688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966271336035054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179946785674945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002332725060265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853460239478482,0.1010937488670803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066874816952865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540244849804624,0.11092552836301504,0.06268796152264333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748428058157382,0.11846176651474605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327472160189219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758579383634273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4331697789966615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275265947009244,0.0,0.0,0.0925409378045137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130591556526329,0.0,0.1276740295526302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526668039010084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686638451947315,0.0,0.11847213211198288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561365627548203,0.0,0.12517202275451464,0.0,0.2463287084173565,0.0,0.1348697833858461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35600896525727704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031403468541616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964405537439005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931350230576622,0.07971365777195279,0.1537649290773888,0.0,0.0,0.13993011363947874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21231332936825095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396057290451804,0.13797848202417726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852349228744694,0.0,0.0,0.07726733206996025 bpd,joy-jo,2020/01/04,"Nagging asian mother + splitting I cannot help but rage and get angry at my mother. I’ve tried for the past 21 years of my life, to tolerate the constant emotional abuse that comes from living under the pressures of tiger parents (here is a good [subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/asianamerican/comments/9shb7u/those_with_tiger_parents_what_were_your/) of what asian tiger parenting feels and looks like). There are many of us who have resented this asian culture as there has never been display of love & affection, rather sacrifice and guilt. Don’t get me wrong- I am so grateful for all of the opportunities I’ve received because of my parents... but they never let us hear the end of it. They think that this allows the type of verbal and physical abuse my parents used on me as a kid... and my mother continues to nag and verbally abuse me to this date. Constantly saying things under her breath or directly addresses me, causing me to get triggered and split. Things like: “Never should have had you as a daughter”, “I know your true self- you are heartless and fake”, “I regret having kids because of you”, etc etc.... comments that trigger me intensely because I genuinely believe that I am working.. SO HARD to pay them back (e.g. I work part time & every season to pay my entire undergrad tuition ultimately with the goal to help my dad retire earlier as we aren’t very well off.) Ahh. I am angry.",6.709074811863655,8.501589976095621,6.161480743691901,75.72441677733514,65.57370517928287,9.083753873395308,31.872731297034093,9.444778638647367,3.0546386011509514,1128,45,186,22,18,347,155,251,0.23,0.648,0.122,-0.9877,6,0,0,0,3,0,56.0,3,4,3,4,8,17,5,2,10,0,17,3,1,6,5,31,28,17,0,3,4,9,2,2,0,1,1,2,1,3,12,11,0,0,3,0,3,2,6,10,1,0,2,5,32,7,30,24,4,20,1,1,1,1,32,5,0,1,15,127,44,7,0.0,0.3670717962385626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237845446654428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940773779629101,0.0,0.1888560691331252,0.0,0.0,0.11634916753549612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608604536495736,0.0,0.08895738085994878,0.0,0.22319491012202344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616409286482066,0.09146597149507604,0.0,0.2303451945657717,0.0,0.0,0.08700886171330925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05221607447501672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186188274760094,0.0,0.0,0.08661741165496561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250903255920363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639203657564227,0.0,0.13843850572449926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05675412122747003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055998832605088,0.07294217948420972,0.10090435337974836,0.0,0.0911887074568449,0.0,0.0867202253824842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093204599249406,0.0,0.0,0.10469888851086977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23894301330657836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4586734647927952,0.111830617292419,0.0985822575019222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212391351818475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077324299501696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372151038707882,0.06617081471596299,0.0,0.0,0.06021717486801857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011309405187233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24844056960375185,0.08919154127734677,0.0,0.08520800976535142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285152684981136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036259953699707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290879725468116,0.0,0.06650206057617818 bpd,Surfaceinterval,2020/01/04,"What it's like for me Some friends I know are aware that I have BPD, most don't. Those that do know I've known for more than 5 years. They accept me and love me as I am and have been great supports and encouragers of which I greatly appreciate. However, they do not have BPD, nor do they have a great understanding and appreciation of the illness. Who does other than people who have it themselves? I wrote the following to express what I experience. Mostly for my own sake. I found this BPD community on Reddit and thought that sharing what I have written may bring me some kind of support. As amazing as my friends are, they don't have BPD so cannot appreciate what I experience, nor would I want them to. I hope that by sharing the below his community, myself and you, the reader may find some support and encouragement by realising that you are not the only one who experiences the below. Constant fear that I’m doing the wrong thing. Never really knowing what the right thing to do is. Multiple streams of thought going on at the same time, all about different things, but all negative in regards to what I am doing, who I am, what others think of me. Knowing that I need help but not sure what with nor who to ask in regards to getting said help. Not knowing who to trust with what.  Wanting to develop meaning relationships and friendships but fearing that doing so will lead to disappointment, pain, humiliation, rejection, abandonment. Knowing that lots of people care for me but not being able to value myself. Persistant grumpy moods. Not being able to experience joy. Constantly thinking that everyone is somehow going to harm me in some way if given the chance. Not knowing what feelings, thoughts, behaviours are appropriate for any given situation. Constant feelings, thoughts, beliefs that I am somehow wrong. Not being able to feel excitement, enthusiasm or look forward to anything. Being told that I’m intelligent and feeling that I should be doing something impressive with the intelligence that I’m told I have but not knowing what that impressive thing is. Being intensely aware of all the horrors in the world yet having no ability to resolve any of them. Thoughts about the past present and future all at once.  Not being able to appreciate the simple things in life.  Wanting everything to just disappear but it doesn’t. Wanting everything to be ok but not knowing what ok is. Having songs play through my mind that I have trouble not having play through my mind Wanting an intimate relationship with a member of the opposite sex but being extremely insecure about having such a relationship.  Being jealous of others and their lives. Not being able to sleep peacefully Wanting to isolate myself from others.  Knowing that I should take care of myself but not having the willingness or energy to do so. Wanting others to take care of me instead, then thinking I’m a user, a burden to others, a parasite, sponge. Having such a negative view of myself and not being able to change that view. Believing that I have nothing to offer anybody or the world anything of value. Believing that my death would be of no concern to anybody but in fact that it would be better for others that I did die. Believing that my life has no meaning, no purpose, no value. Believing that others really don’t care about me. Believing that there simply is no point to living. Having no sense of hope. Wanting to just give up and pass away into something peaceful that doesn’t exist.",5.6900158227848125,7.824670906645572,6.124726582278483,73.66457721518991,68.57278481012659,8.853468354430381,32.893164556962034,9.3871,3.3739459746835454,2791,128,450,60,50,899,255,632,0.147,0.653,0.2,0.9853,2,0,2,0,0,1,68.0,0,2,7,4,16,50,1,3,26,2,70,7,1,1,7,120,136,37,2,17,31,0,4,1,2,8,4,2,0,0,64,18,0,1,31,3,0,8,34,13,0,1,15,9,51,35,83,99,14,39,1,3,3,2,37,20,0,17,13,377,115,1,0.3246166636301149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358348761606355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904395167843496,0.0,0.05057879341094352,0.0,0.05083134020126994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047765148734077,0.0,0.04784950988124614,0.0,0.0,0.2725622160647357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22064554875828785,0.0,0.05723356458118543,0.0,0.0,0.1753976456008264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05615014108106749,0.05652588705975966,0.0,0.0,0.047345704982634455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05169752220667998,0.0972481752891482,0.2116915907229072,0.0,0.12176133179614525,0.10942395918052952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04944895827186866,0.0,0.0,0.05932090274768938,0.08359934302472545,0.0,0.028266468114672576,0.05190031385748303,0.061495710244981086,0.0,0.0,0.17894550882484792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252790233522365,0.0,0.0,0.10747253077238196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056339716968784974,0.29733471478657697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642878319240473,0.026431884138107105,0.0,0.09554748707945504,0.0,0.045432706775571104,0.0,0.0,0.0459962465027632,0.048829868801150186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786757044302652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925676415257306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040116523813153435,0.04172739716234572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05191307395215464,0.0,0.0,0.057617692070710436,0.03666144207017545,0.0411476000796322,0.057569169546494665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05164722276267651,0.07501610717046184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051144612084792526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693192490020605,0.0,0.0,0.17425840617186314,0.0,0.04620347617746697,0.051464130596705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060813788470881924,0.054141849650393516,0.0,0.0,0.08330192233258099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841855715029749,0.050991227298495034,0.0,0.08135711066919904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797174059409274,0.104000625303894,0.0,0.21475780907426592,0.031547764510129625,0.0,0.0,0.10339504441335996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563228991767445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552897583157139,0.04294426632127015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529918206787665,0.11830578750065025,0.0,0.03484041473373555 bpd,madgif90,2020/01/04,DAE get tired of telling “their story”? I have an intake tomorrow with a new therapist. I’m fine with getting a new therapist and seeing someone regularly; I need the reinforcement sometimes! However telling my life story is finally getting old after being in DBT for 7 weeks (I’ll be in it for one extra week next week). I don’t mind giving others support through examples and I’m in a good place now but I’m tired of the same old stories. I feel like I should just write a word document and send it to every new dr I see throughout life! I’m over the drama of the stories.,2.9142608695652186,4.839018208695652,4.696739130434782,81.87206521739131,75.6086956521739,7.730434782608696,28.89130434782609,8.548686976883017,2.3439739130434782,454,20,87,9,10,154,76,115,0.054000000000000006,0.846,0.1,0.4468,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,9,0,6,5,0,0,0,14,19,4,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,8,4,14,16,2,19,0,0,2,0,6,5,0,0,14,49,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787782312837122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074126784585169,0.09994970872453612,0.0,0.15326146385984754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21928716236530565,0.13421170395849716,0.0,0.11734749460973065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19764114051206705,0.06835157526696634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412663565597521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373939226339893,0.0,0.4053696438129297,0.14879286030661834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936180756490724,0.0,0.09480471781587413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617321276491838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22297579799750208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185428893718448,0.0,0.1383717665005801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587649961929196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445700628591275,0.0,0.0,0.32488601062336553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216054167212526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366752731314294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HappyHoppip,2020/01/04,"DAE only want comfort, affection, concern, etc., from certain people and find it repulsive when it's from anyone else? I find myself absolutely craving and even daydreaming about receiving attention from certain people. But from any other person I just don't care for it. This avoidance for attention seems like it only happens with people I'm already close to and comfortable with (like my family, friends and even my boyfriend). But meanwhile with other certain people I find myself purposely acting like I'm down or like there's something wrong so I can have them worry about me. I find it so pathetic honestly lmao. It's so embarrassing but I can't help it and it's almost obsessive.",5.3633797653958935,7.986429282258069,5.935395894428152,72.58673020527861,70.69354838709677,9.025219941348977,32.240469208211145,9.573946990214177,3.6988322580645168,557,26,84,14,11,180,73,124,0.133,0.684,0.184,0.3904,0,1,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,10,16,0,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,28,10,13,0,1,5,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,11,9,0,1,7,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,12,12,13,10,1,5,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,5,58,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163065127807848,0.0,0.16710167948871996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029744554517765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588015109138096,0.15515320314478653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438827356073187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264964799813354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688793334964908,0.20003007937891276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275037792507486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5536002400181637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169908780216349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390496923616585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149724469432296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959151803064955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23033165992108345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4199171871980731,0.13221880678604198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13785198477535632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657466054124765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931461628368585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377983040472815,0.0,0.0,0.16555988903702853,0.0,0.0 bpd,wistpom,2020/01/04,"Noticing suffering I've been looking over my journals for the past months and looking at the sheer amount of suffering that has happened is enormous.. and I really feel sad for myself.. every day is a whole skirmish where I'm just scrambling to figure shit out.. it's actually ridiculous.. I'm just one person and I'm so small and it's sad for me to feel like I'm experiencing that daily.. it makes sense I'm so worn out all the time.. and hateful and angry. So... I think I'd like to focus a lot more on distress tolerance. The thing that I mostly did most of my life is play games like Overwatch or TF2.. I think perhaps that I should play those more (but not be addicted to it, control it) and watch videos.. something like that.. because I don't think every day has to be a constant battle. I do worry because those games can kinda suck you in.. but I played overwatch recently ever since I discovered mindfulness I was actually able to stop playing it despite how much it draws you in. I do feel kinda scared reincorporating stuff like that into my life. For a long time I felt guilt about it, and maybe I will feel like I need something else besides that. Anyway.... just thought I'd post that to random people online.",3.518319327731092,5.429916000000002,4.4207478991596645,84.56322268907564,73.87394957983193,6.776806722689076,26.605882352941176,7.554174236665415,1.4695959663865548,960,35,184,12,20,310,132,238,0.14,0.76,0.099,-0.8309,0,0,2,0,0,0,38.0,0,2,0,1,11,22,5,3,8,0,16,4,1,3,2,43,38,15,0,2,7,0,5,6,0,2,3,0,0,1,20,11,0,2,10,7,0,0,2,12,0,1,6,9,21,10,22,28,9,23,0,4,3,0,5,11,2,7,17,118,41,0,0.1234723253020156,0.0,0.2409823567954284,0.13460305977892165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053516695083796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342971930430358,0.13848471189113398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592588704183711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314528416710228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168778715970244,0.20806151876934334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497252704038833,0.17641730773339415,0.11855279533621475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918616949095604,0.0,0.0,0.12190335868127772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17442430974257025,0.3619340478870601,0.0,0.0,0.10926912244479844,0.20737131190787048,0.0,0.0,0.10497175555963677,0.0,0.0,0.08241873591741439,0.0,0.12404454657437353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246718505516727,0.0,0.09855443206137293,0.0,0.09076636600481572,0.09155316469929148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057406072540668,0.0,0.0,0.08366804311354077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786830568559747,0.08560016374879821,0.10781127190411738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825235673617653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909953327805512,0.0,0.12191402542342655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361733754862195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674256757752714,0.10213758341763088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19011005665904124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103228392677229,0.0,0.0,0.14134627197579533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202952649673151,0.2373482413786501,0.0,0.09802323429722767,0.1439954116434856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378524417487573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539213983349476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BlakeBlues,2020/01/04,"I have lost my identity Someone asked me to describe myself. I was just parroting parts of things I used to know about myself, but I don't believe it. I don't know what I like or who I am. I might drop out of my graduate school program on a whim too because I am having a hard time finding my sense of belonging and person. I thought I knew what I was this morning, but it's gone.",3.8818518518518568,3.8596836049382763,5.295901234567904,85.94755555555555,70.97530864197532,8.455308641975309,31.014814814814812,8.238735603445708,2.046232592592592,296,12,66,4,5,100,55,81,0.125,0.875,0.0,-0.7625,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,1,0,13,17,4,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,6,1,18,1,8,10,1,5,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,2,2,51,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521013675332783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438592962281026,0.0,0.0,0.30382130932758955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464698970208501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415678254697537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964028327199868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131745217477968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294372364028639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860730788567462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29202206847186657,0.0,0.0,0.23546200552012936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729164534828624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22848718086981915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915415039314966,0.0,0.0,0.21408473277007406,0.1572444504755761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329048967502241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sodisfront,2020/01/04,"I just need words. Can someone tell me I'm not worthless right now? Can someone tell me I'm lovable and good and okay? This quiet BPD only splits on herself, ever... It's so crippling. I feel like I'm on fire. Please just tell me something true and beautiful and safe because right now everything feels wrong, and I hate myself. It'll pass. It'll pass. It'll pass. It always does. Why can't this disease stop lying to me... I'm so tired. I love you all so much.",-0.3870375939849637,1.8729332210526333,1.2164285714285723,98.42750000000002,95.73684210526315,3.5563909774436087,18.36466165413534,5.288315135182226,-0.5161127819548872,356,11,78,2,14,114,59,95,0.142,0.574,0.284,0.9355,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,0,8,9,1,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,3,17,15,8,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,7,5,0,2,2,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,0,4,11,6,3,12,2,11,0,1,0,1,6,4,0,0,5,40,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328466162422874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229796993573396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23201692168711424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121096876564994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663630191800974,0.0,0.0,0.16556383049746048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186292953839596,0.13160582952990538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545138506999824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818777629911004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999991973439958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16626451030817438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542189306653418,0.13659578349928028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010657299647494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20221674122359976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31464341517956296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121757029557736,0.14182050519896044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540150274808205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4830456198146258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21173222107910544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16622866455678215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20141415805888074,0.0,0.0 bpd,MutedStatus7,2020/01/04,"Is this part of BPD? Thoughts of killing others? People often batrayed me in some way, faked the friendship, bullied me since I was as young as 8, parents divorced during the time, the process was very hard. I might have some sort of trauma from all of that, I don't know :( &#x200B; But sometimes, I get this anger burst and I'm thinking how I would love to kill some people, I'm like, How I would love to do everything, get myself some gun, shot people I hate, escape to some Islands on the sea where they won't be able to touch me cause they have no jurisdiction etc etc. I plan insane plans, I never act on them. It's something I would never do, just because of the laws and cause I don't wanna get locked up somewhere or whatever. **Do you ever have the same? I don't know if I have BPD cause I wasn't diagnosed with anything, yet, but I have suspicion I might have it.**",1.0899152542372903,3.4452585988700624,2.1948333333333347,95.08953813559324,84.48022598870057,4.669943502824858,20.71440677966102,5.985473137389443,0.011330169491525766,680,21,145,5,20,215,103,177,0.147,0.785,0.068,-0.9129999999999999,1,0,1,1,1,0,33.0,0,1,3,2,7,9,4,0,6,0,23,3,0,5,4,36,35,10,2,5,5,1,2,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,4,2,24,3,18,24,10,13,0,0,0,2,8,5,0,11,7,103,30,0,0.12254910865007805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278190802188278,0.1489105806782221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008474745582391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074704799173385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086926246196986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776750768677266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438476564135778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733493010774312,0.0,0.1108526848428741,0.0,0.0,0.11013923684254802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19208055372520647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977993025240748,0.1209918733716232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711648631205851,0.0,0.13469957035602947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05987130429184768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212107103866888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600104760053588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18903485500769096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607628244668507,0.13270874234457689,0.0,0.254880364698486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013738890628905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434429104657438,0.12120420202752145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852452050684301,0.0,0.09729030339989,0.07145937076768638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111584901723306,0.0,0.09727377825495567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611661120379498,0.0,0.1489105806782221,0.0 bpd,RecentBalance8,2020/01/04,"Scared to talk to a therapist / doctor / psychologist? I was never really to therapist, I'm not 18 yet and my parents doesn't want to go there. I have to go with parents cause I'm underage, at least for the first time, at the same time, I oftne get panic attacks and I'm scared that while traveling to therapist I would get an attack. &#x200B; At the same time, I'm very scared to tell therapist all the things I experience? I'm scared of them locking me to mental hospital. I go to psychiatrist for like 2 years which is not any helpful and just get the money from us. Visit once 3 months. I've told her after 2 years that I'm having mild anxiety as I'm having extreme bad trusting in people, I was betrayed a lot, \[it took me 2 years....\] I'm also not even 18 and I'm scared that if'll tell her I think of this and that, that she will think I'm absurd / crazy and send me to some testing or something. No idea... &#x200B; **Any ideas? Is this part of BPD?**",0.9273515769944324,3.2276084234693907,2.8151576994434144,90.74737476808909,84.66326530612245,6.012615955473097,20.64378478664193,7.348242739294969,0.6685795918367341,745,23,159,12,22,248,108,196,0.21,0.764,0.026000000000000002,-0.9871,2,0,1,0,0,0,44.0,1,0,1,1,5,11,2,6,8,0,10,1,0,1,2,25,31,10,0,2,5,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,4,1,1,7,6,9,0,1,4,0,17,2,23,25,7,23,0,0,0,0,14,4,0,3,13,94,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305876638272213,0.0,0.19797218610663908,0.22201935211247514,0.1242528170007602,0.0,0.06988843511584504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20786527801960056,0.0,0.0,0.07627991224463636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506189856995873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384958352555914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350853687810537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06034093780509231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936541789081735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770886262160072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319197432863362,0.0,0.15576215831063736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06123517971401673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20626357824927974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04463278609371808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776690992040183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206713288918596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292089114792112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046073530223829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729303109717327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071886453491648,0.20288395847418506,0.09893154959442517,0.0,0.06333596665732115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058526119377650135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4573252682215959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703316657495735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342990562841277,0.15970141518880468,0.0,0.0,0.4242935955859991,0.06069403523992406,0.11707672543124895,0.0,0.0,0.15981433080121438,0.0,0.0,0.08729625319821151,0.10150183106595262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098921347664196,0.0,0.0,0.07537971843525341,0.053885172899928564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489793038245778,0.0,0.22201935211247514,0.17649420337599184 bpd,artvts,2020/01/04,"just need to vent TW self harm my favorite person stared dating someone and it’s been rough. she has been pretty good about respecting my emotions but the person she’s dating makes it so much worse. some background: i started out friends with this other girl. my fp introduced us and we were fast friends. she sketched me out when it came to her romantic relationships, but i wasn’t trying to get with her, so it didn’t matter to me. when my fp told me they were dating, all the red flags the girl raised before were fully up and i decided to stop talking to her. pretty immature move from me but honestly, i’m glad i did it cause if i tried to put up with her, it would have been a lot worse. after all, i only started talking to her since september/november of last year. shortly after i stopped talking to the girl, she messaged me to ask why i was so angry. when i explained i have a complicated relationship with my fp, i don’t trust you, and i would like to be left alone, she freaked out. she said it wasn’t FAIR that i felt badly about this or that i was being blunt. i had to tell her that how i feel and conduct myself is none of her business. she tried to turn it back around and essentially was gaslighting me (confirmed by my therapist lol, not just paranoid). it solidified my dislike of her completely. i didn’t bring this to my fp cause that’s petty and she asked that whatever issues we have he kept to ourselves, which i respect. but at the same time, she “caused” this in a way, expecting it to turn out badly in some area. now to the meat of it: i discovered the other girl was shit talking me on the internet. she called me controlling. she said i was trying to cause drama when she was the one to reach out first, is spreading this around, and had the last word. i haven’t had contact with her since early december. i even told my fp that i’m glad she has someone she likes despite how i feel toward the actual person, which is true. she brought up a lot of stuff that had nothing to with the situation to be like “this bitch wants to hate me and start drama cause i love my girlfriend but i have all of this going on!” and absolutely none of the reasons were past like “get my ears pierced. get a tattoo. register to vote”. i also affect none of that. the most i did to “control” anyone is i told her to stay away from me and i told my fp not to talk ABOUT me to her. but the thing is, that hit differently than anything she could have said. i know i didn’t do anything controlling, but i feel as if i am. i’m trying not to let myself believe this cause it’s not true. i know i have issues but i have never put them on my fp, at least in the past 8 months when i’ve actually realized a lot of what i’m struggling with. i just can’t help feeling like a terrible person. i’ve found myself being more depressed, overeating, falling into self-harming behaviors, being extremely angry and just overall very “borderline”. it also just sucks cause i know my fp is in love with this girl and will choose her over me cause she already has (even longer story) despite being very against choosing at all. it’s just all shitty and i haven’t had a break and i’m seeing my therapist on tuesday so i’ve got a couple days to power through",3.2563014518784605,4.696707847328245,4.2994342164346655,87.11280347253408,73.58015267175573,7.213590779823381,25.820236491543184,7.793537801064563,1.3289527016913645,2540,85,527,34,51,826,265,655,0.121,0.7440000000000001,0.135,0.6997,2,1,0,0,0,0,65.0,3,1,2,5,28,29,4,1,25,1,58,4,2,16,8,111,105,40,0,8,21,0,6,5,3,3,0,4,0,10,39,34,0,6,15,2,0,8,17,11,0,2,38,13,104,18,84,55,18,70,0,1,3,2,73,29,3,9,35,384,143,0,0.0,0.0,0.11436474514189172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060688982759479614,0.06466341995110474,0.09372025069653787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0409724946838165,0.0,0.09644093495500404,0.10432778624423562,0.10956086367466847,0.0,0.055053957979423286,0.045057596809760056,0.0978523571179257,0.0,0.0,0.049861864792618206,0.06601892996138811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059834248936106,0.06701953724156344,0.0,0.4815633732277842,0.0,0.0,0.06143800434338612,0.0,0.1971650828561192,0.0467850618362721,0.06483663977599538,0.0,0.03779031869632726,0.0,0.0504696455318625,0.0,0.0,0.06122155738203194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591391475603889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740573922002136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118513933073842,0.041861820727970935,0.05626246006048797,0.0,0.0,0.04984271187996405,0.0,0.06424875823146513,0.09054403641074256,0.0,0.0918437882013396,0.0,0.03330211474197365,0.0491485152374753,0.046865499471010576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05785256121202239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039276439217309486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232041594945076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661039525340934,0.09552900776114748,0.0,0.0,0.06366598262305424,0.05991956319566601,0.0,0.1431380554687773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945162249200675,0.10577244410534398,0.0,0.039114057366920016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046771691733727035,0.06227950454527135,0.04307565273091122,0.04344904949475846,0.045193739942137004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05622555259468078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039706950145415885,0.044565778450232366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187523368346164,0.0,0.2046591094667472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922874962218193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117812655022505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602476368234937,0.0,0.12582283466539207,0.0,0.0,0.16721794499809958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04669434759521365,0.0,0.12225922880420324,0.0,0.0601491396813655,0.09694434772983893,0.065865659685318,0.0,0.0,0.09929836208200296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442610814262045,0.06245677285006027,0.0,0.0979796942558774,0.0,0.06125847138940128,0.06707972561240635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235490876210082,0.05121649806431138,0.0,0.0,0.13607163149643398,0.03892934742883519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03416847352063375,0.0,0.0,0.22396837887313897,0.0,0.19891811620287755,0.12747376061694196,0.0,0.0,0.07048516509253737,0.0,0.0,0.09669758276752287,0.034562121447221116,0.04651169581889762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05287482006216746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943101832440532,0.08325147831361157,0.0,0.0,0.03773464797784018 bpd,Objective-Spread,2020/01/04,"What's the matter? I feel like I'm very understanding person, I have shit ton of alter egos but it's still me. It feels like I can understand everyone, anxious people, people with depression, people with schizophrenia, bipolar people, ocd people, addicts, personality disorders whatever you want to. Feels like I've gone through a lot of shits in my life that I can just read others and their feels. Is this part of bpd? **I also seem to have too many questions, it seems I'm missing a lot of things and i need a lot of assurance from others.**",1.3604004854368907,4.035892582524276,2.8448968446601945,86.13200546116505,94.04854368932035,5.681796116504855,21.000606796116507,7.1686216300943375,1.1167868932038845,428,15,78,8,16,139,69,103,0.156,0.718,0.126,-0.7438,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,1,0,4,8,2,0,4,0,5,5,2,0,1,22,19,4,0,2,2,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,9,4,0,0,9,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,4,10,4,12,18,5,3,0,2,0,0,5,1,2,6,4,52,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412817842751648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364008622922538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640971659085433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163225108770918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162322712553084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853141357708946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383717460483396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26211612008825685,0.2777561526595161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153944101222183,0.18994623212653108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33054070869533864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313928072434507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609584273937492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14034283411034895,0.0,0.4492373311773083,0.2263212869693455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518027782533052,0.0,0.12963383711874815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23596369808512635,0.0,0.0,0.2660625415258616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349774181908304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860996613727794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698337715961066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069325545087764,0.07644070988784239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Personal-Fly,2020/01/04,"Can two BPD people understand each other? Literally read their mind? I was never diagnosed with anything, but I know few people that are BPD and I can relate to them 100%. It feels like I can read their mind, emotions, actions what are they going to do etc. It feels so weird. Can this be sign of BPD?",0.8580084745762733,3.4077899491525443,2.286249999999999,91.80700211864408,90.18644067796608,4.983898305084747,17.54449152542373,6.6274283507984215,0.05606610169491511,233,6,47,3,8,75,43,59,0.048,0.888,0.064,0.233,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,1,12,14,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,2,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,2,8,1,4,12,3,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,35,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212475350107456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6525626453293776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752959529577295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942743274184069,0.0,0.0,0.1926161374169333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746536730737975,0.12338331134688647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815447871748204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491632446628924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437687112682872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487736197869157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320379260248166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23946928543141385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34551138327267045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687115526027566,0.17979611216871327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GlumBread4,2020/01/04,"A unknown flood of thoughts? Sometimes I just get those weird flood of thoughts, I get very anxious and I think of all the problems i have which makes me think I won't make it past my 25? &#x200B; Is this part of BPD?",4.072666666666667,4.7008078222222185,3.3711111111111123,97.61,70.77777777777777,6.0,30.555555555555557,3.1291,0.7438888888888893,172,7,40,0,3,50,34,45,0.171,0.8290000000000001,0.0,-0.7378,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,1,10,11,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,7,0,4,8,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,24,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506554686014518,0.2811019357656976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613469704353307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29136309166874963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417299260141343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088408605062397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505173520658194,0.2208390395044925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22135996693525686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22879996611184894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296465094945063,0.0,0.3673142968401677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908787190666913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811019357656976,0.0 bpd,bruisecore,2020/01/04,"how to stop obsessing and being impulsive? i’ve been in and out of the mental hospital lately and i can honestly say that i have been a good path as of so far! of course, i am not completely healed so, i have some urges that come to my mind here and there. i shake them off fast compared to before where i would just let whatever came to my mind linger there for a long time, so that’s something i’m very proud of, it makes me feel like i’m more in control of my thoughts now. but i still get urges to lurk on certain people’s social media and i realize after awhile that it’s become this unhealthy, somewhat stalker-ish, impulsive obsession. i’m scared if i say “maybe it won’t hurt me now” since i’m on the road to recovery and doing things differently, i’ll actually end up hurt and i’ll be super disappointed in myself. it’s okay to mess up a few times during recovery but i also don’t want to use that as my excuse, i want to take accountability for my actions that i am very self aware of. with all that being said, does anyone have any methods of how to not be obsessive and impulsive?",4.114533333333334,4.753073164444452,5.468888888888888,82.57000000000002,70.6888888888889,9.022222222222224,27.0,9.21078282632365,2.006333333333333,862,27,182,17,15,290,132,225,0.154,0.741,0.105,-0.9482,1,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,3,14,16,0,5,5,1,17,1,0,5,2,36,32,19,0,4,6,0,1,1,0,2,1,3,0,1,13,12,0,2,3,0,1,4,4,9,0,0,5,4,21,7,32,20,5,27,0,3,0,0,7,12,0,3,12,120,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.1442395963848707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820225819404047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051472454053154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335101239009672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632426740946474,0.1257739916923017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690533387650239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732377778137033,0.15497420884709126,0.0,0.16577959660017075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15442823250961552,0.0,0.0,0.12934805480646666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091429757279974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473632652853647,0.10559429163676036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722374538984987,0.0,0.0,0.12397460409628193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31646372209971163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673422034545965,0.0,0.0,0.15114401907996342,0.0,0.07221167789956975,0.0,0.0,0.13080570983166465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866319975757347,0.0,0.14849332183119687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895601926733654,0.0,0.2984885307498882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024716766305584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059955781482908,0.23508621351583825,0.14798191130085098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419631106740675,0.0,0.0,0.12226856773910197,0.0,0.0,0.150671965866863,0.0,0.11379006416010458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803991337812715,0.12357437194343948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113345987344696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819727843042717,0.0,0.0,0.11734329383602375,0.1723764372871607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765892916129812,0.0,0.2439146835412502,0.1743623506200941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499878800499833,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,stigmatagurl711,2020/01/04,"how are u guys coping with fear around the climate, surveillance state, &c. im really scared.",4.153529411764708,7.350605823529412,4.383823529411767,78.77220588235295,79.0,8.105882352941178,20.264705882352946,8.841846274778883,2.040317647058824,77,2,12,2,2,24,17,17,0.33,0.67,0.0,-0.7501,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4157283847161231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34156580031188416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43175836877083706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3799138166301937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144514702338701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458018931959204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38414102260854094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,greenapplecaptain,2020/01/04,"Resisting the urge to smother Listen, my FP and I aren’t even really friends right now. We’re on a half-break weird post-argument phase thing. But I do not care. I want to message him and tell him how much I love him and how when I think of him I don’t feel so alone and he’s the only thing that gives me any hope and I miss him so much. He has asked for space and a reduction in our friendship. So now I want to smother him with my affection which wouldn’t even be healthy if we were on good terms. I know in like 12 hours I’ll hate him and be happy we aren’t speaking but right now, when I’m lonely, it’s so fucking hard not to send a message telling him everything good about him and how much I love him.",1.8020107526881723,2.8484243354838727,2.9984677419354853,96.57103494623655,76.61290322580646,6.715053763440863,22.594086021505376,7.1686216300943375,0.37750537634408543,552,15,138,6,12,178,89,155,0.129,0.691,0.18,0.9021,2,3,0,0,0,0,12.0,3,0,0,0,15,16,4,0,5,0,9,3,0,4,0,27,25,20,0,5,5,0,2,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,5,11,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,1,4,26,9,12,21,4,15,0,2,0,3,27,7,1,2,8,87,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716208947228126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126854031681813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549122476230143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16894777228297933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21889380275608167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892539338452554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378566548009604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802363653227766,0.15319203862021422,0.0,0.15895978788341347,0.0,0.2779717759574992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763965561079915,0.14843955494205632,0.16359984738189906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645829227717503,0.16318651098653605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106739377845767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095532345892886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29911131590918555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654377644660759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602647834714015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870003684779185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615516842405696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28302313519006056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896677723929505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22017470496054192,0.10617737549362796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19547476120331198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,altenby,2020/01/04,"How do you handle waiting for replies? My current FP is a guy I’ve started dating within the past two months. We have so much fun in person. With my rational mind speaking, he likes me and tells me this in different ways, including saying it directly: “I like you a lot”, “I had a great time with you”, etc. However, he is awful at texting. He most often takes hours to respond, and within 30 minutes at most of no response, I am convinced he hates me and I am ready to break off everything. I often find myself with extreme anxiety during the wait. It’s very difficult to focus on anything other than staring at the conversation for hours. Basically, how do I get through waiting for him for an indeterminate amount of time?",4.228814229249013,6.041915478260872,5.549104084321474,77.62310276679845,71.7536231884058,8.206587615283267,31.38603425559947,8.841846274778883,2.815353623188406,568,26,101,11,11,190,96,138,0.087,0.787,0.126,0.7695,3,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,3,0,0,5,7,1,0,7,1,8,0,0,2,0,20,15,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,4,7,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,3,17,5,23,14,6,20,0,0,1,0,16,9,0,6,11,74,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550819632404933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672816382844782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21238372319745136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267102825750137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18269443096250895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18579370289071112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620510445929712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241162730361298,0.0,0.20127858071674376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006963375669352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003785531519736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19862410857665946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282088956935576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052542610317416,0.0,0.16225568991434752,0.0,0.14943375989380536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940532034738145,0.0,0.17749574460996784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616559501054185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388221644104673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284082188966053,0.0,0.17767516889771234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23706772361251785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19857445111905625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16772680678642513,0.0,0.1613537380077172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,davtav92,2020/01/04,"Got laid off, left my partner, and have nothing to do. How do you cope? The title says it all. Though I've only been let go for the season I should say. I'm terrible at making friends. I moved out of the place my ex and I shared for almost two years. I don't feel like I have anyone because I don't work and have so much time alone. I have no money because no job and the government isn't exactly handing me my EI on a silver plated (Canada). I can't even afford my therapist because of that. And I've been struggling to get any support from OHIP in that department or CAMH. So yay me...",0.5839081885856103,2.625145306451614,2.6896774193548403,92.76797766749382,83.83870967741936,5.428287841191069,20.828784119106697,6.67199483983844,0.32733076923076965,454,14,100,5,13,153,84,124,0.11800000000000001,0.787,0.095,-0.1976,2,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,1,5,7,0,1,5,1,14,1,1,2,2,14,21,10,0,1,1,1,2,1,2,1,0,2,0,1,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,3,6,2,0,1,3,4,15,5,12,16,2,13,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,2,4,65,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19262382488514834,0.19923012382096245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081348201960888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345047291608366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35178822071297816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705399158176814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726454657506466,0.13742421355220122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486192284426144,0.0,0.10050176305232264,0.0,0.1093243640256428,0.0,0.15385031743808966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19089066196078927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090030352204754,0.19670426907766625,0.0,0.0939788779375508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284038409942616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044514974198424,0.1414089878761021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18457755091620096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630078072004754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20097846269847364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30594966364765225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20109964420332874,0.0,0.0,0.2182913289078368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22334834725270136,0.0,0.0,0.1889957367176107,0.0,0.1121684513524957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879107650824912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004260386149378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387550832348128 bpd,XiRw,2020/01/04,Just started Lexapro today Is it known for having negative experiences? I get paranoid thinking the worst will happen whenever I take something new and I'm causing myself to have a panic attack over it.,4.788333333333334,8.024366722222227,5.6200000000000045,70.80000000000003,76.22222222222223,6.933333333333335,34.0,8.07648339933343,3.486466666666667,166,9,22,3,4,54,33,36,0.375,0.625,0.0,-0.9451,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,10,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,9,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664345560314229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308848000066605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150750095578388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682836371720472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848314269274752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110855980996085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37791423410721997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24796784686151616,0.0,0.0,0.2279836061585408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242178655601384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206388283381158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053125597341153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DontAskMeHowIveBeen,2020/01/04,"I caved and texted a girl that I really like hoping that she’d comfort me and she didn’t answer. I’m going through a really rough time lately. A combination of my period and being on winter break from school and living alone for the first time. During this time, I got really attached to a girl that I was hooking up with. In retrospect, it’s clear that she never cared about me in the way that I cared about her. It was just sex to her. Tonight I got really sad and I texted her telling her that I was sad, hoping she’d care. She asked why I was sad, but never responded after that. It’s been over an hour. I feel so stupid and rejected and I hate myself for wanting her to make me feel better. I hate being this way. Tonight is really hard.",1.8891876750700296,3.781494431372552,3.5571101774042937,89.02485294117649,78.5424836601307,6.9858076563958935,18.771708683473392,7.957251820313856,0.5840218487394959,580,12,124,10,14,193,83,153,0.21100000000000002,0.6940000000000001,0.095,-0.9682,0,2,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,4,15,3,0,7,0,11,1,0,1,3,20,27,9,0,3,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,12,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,7,0,1,8,4,27,8,17,15,0,22,0,4,0,1,15,5,0,2,14,85,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612531548802918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189886402488096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247814661414626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4315479166867755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267734498678256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000995348865096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801839444627919,0.0,0.2256830015703564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638773869489325,0.27859171053832904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802657747800118,0.13894392311502524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915416894519138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892879914172237,0.0,0.12458388344516474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417778504229897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21763256547901785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4519250846962367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278926980964127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233177192555684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468098201316659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321775503185368,0.22397924355909704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731058277212828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,msunicornspace,2020/01/04,"Haven't had a rage fit in 5 months! Maybe I've been too depressed and tired to get angry lol I don't little things get to me as much; I still get easily frustrated, but I can calm myself down before blowing up. I'm doing it :)",0.29142857142857537,2.1795536530612267,2.680979591836735,93.29616326530613,83.89795918367345,5.552653061224492,15.922448979591836,6.742157984588678,-0.32195020408163266,175,3,40,2,5,60,41,49,0.18600000000000005,0.5760000000000001,0.23800000000000002,0.5857,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,1,6,1,0,0,0,2,10,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,5,1,6,8,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27587309036801744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27923578752142003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5081484574953214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249368316551474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32570574441816225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587759441807673,0.0,0.23832669491846376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589091373522034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153862360717992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726239481288041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Reba_,2020/01/04,"Don’t feel valid I was diagnosed borderline in November by an excellent psychiatrist. He listened to what I had to say about my last fee years for full two separate sessions (about two hours) before coming to my diagnosis. But I cant’t help feeling like it’s wrong? I read all these posts here and so much of what is posted just doesn’t resonate: 1. I’m not manipulative. Sometimes I lie to seem cooler or make things seem worse than they are so people feel sorry for me. I guess that’s a little manipulative. But it’s rare. 2. I don’t split - EVER. Sometimes I get mildly and irrationally annoyed and mean, but that’s normal, right? 3. I never have violent outbursts, they’re mostly very self-contained. There have been rare times when I have screamed or done something dramatic. My last “episode” was Christmas when I couldn’t handle my family hating each other and ran away drunk to the middle of the woods and screamed. But I kept texting my friends so I could intentionally make them worried about me. That was the most recent, but I didn’t self harm or hurt anyone else so does that even qualify? When I do break down it’s mostly on my own, picturing myself getting hurt, killed, screaming. Sometimes scream into my pillow but rarely. I can’t even bring myself to cut, thought I want to. I feel empty inside. I know no one here is qualified to help me, but I just feel like I’m not an actual borderline",3.4380000000000024,5.7630171703703725,4.311629629629628,83.38633333333334,75.44444444444444,7.134814814814818,24.874074074074073,8.109356740369918,1.5866118518518522,1116,38,209,19,25,359,161,270,0.209,0.7090000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9897,0,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,2,1,18,17,5,0,6,0,20,2,0,5,3,49,44,22,1,4,14,0,5,2,1,0,1,6,1,1,12,8,1,1,10,2,1,3,10,13,0,3,10,11,34,4,22,32,8,26,0,2,0,0,9,9,0,9,13,139,46,5,0.0,0.0,0.10941951760582302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840161927258404,0.11488708918993655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534675728828548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541159184617598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965872526945718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952407301624521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380627444632505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812286026099604,0.11474457813548353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936674982099268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811730021989844,0.101425049999414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570310549934854,0.0,0.2834732279256948,0.1602067219044828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662883630663988,0.0,0.11716318098569738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352023843945945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070193584967104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031237212483314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042224647430754,0.0,0.2400679749511955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405161787047846,0.0,0.061621920468704364,0.18279650662656616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955891668186572,0.11238044390742337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14969093083309548,0.0,0.0,0.12213888406695195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242605072961028,0.0,0.08647904941573238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986039225663533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597997661113845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773455906835622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21477283236644976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121570767767263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071162244910407,0.0,0.0,0.0957556179213447,0.0,0.08916767906798102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20415193433186046,0.23394527434164106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632063761127014,0.3326886200782174,0.12551669841525478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449201956578022,0.0,0.0,0.08901610187230681,0.06538200011404738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21906305232733894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251629815590637,0.0661352526339613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387014082354753,0.11426672088513935,0.0,0.1225929813406642,0.0,0.07220594027710384 bpd,PwaWright,2020/01/04,"Lost my FP girlfriend. I'm not handling it well at all. Hey I'm really broken right now. On monday my girlfriend who is also my FP broke up with me. She says she fell out of love with me. I'm beyond devastated right now. We were poly, and the only time I've left the house since the breakup was to see our other girlfriend who wanted to cheer me up. But I really don't feel anything for her anymore. My FP complex manifested as the ""You complete me"" type. She was truly my world, and without her I'm emotionally detaching from everyone else around me. My immediate family, my friends, the other girlfriend, all people I loved dearly just a few nights ago, and now I can't feel anything for them. I don't know what to do, but this is tearing me apart.",3.171401766004416,4.705323,4.634056291390731,84.25099613686534,73.96688741721856,7.417439293598234,25.828366445916124,8.07648339933343,1.523105518763797,587,20,119,9,12,196,94,151,0.064,0.848,0.087,0.5341,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,2,1,1,1,8,8,0,0,6,0,9,2,0,0,2,20,21,7,0,1,5,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,7,8,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,2,1,0,4,4,26,6,18,17,3,20,0,2,1,2,20,12,0,0,7,81,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042086027520494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472333458539846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794757089301399,0.0,0.0,0.2978492608265566,0.16110355022488432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897458189188453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511789798335348,0.20356927063627744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292661079812902,0.0,0.0,0.17060440344860686,0.0,0.18300987739366725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981860674502508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088175223563765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994575413017132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966267319258209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19755244094525884,0.0,0.3266687979258368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983007007472645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376374479960706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546327768278426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318707412141508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090983939431074,0.0,0.143916289142361,0.0,0.0,0.14421134472101102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497020032319117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552629530645667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674204196024696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16271566481629254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744506603768582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SophieSofar,2020/01/04,"Does anyone have EUPD or just traits of EUPD or BPD? Is anyone diagnosed with any of the following? I feel quite the oddball having EUPD traits and not knowing anyone else I can relate to.",4.195,6.232968500000003,5.478888888888887,77.155,72.33333333333334,7.022222222222222,23.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,1.4675111111111108,150,4,24,2,3,50,27,36,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,8,7,3,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,17,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19896647018306704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6137425004874385,0.29978585496644106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36849804074682196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969655818247111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560413512301953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24441554948795896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793875376772114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16079596273732324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111980306932667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pineconepinaccle,2020/01/04,"Recovering Alcoholic with BPD and GAD - Comorbids? I have dual diagnoses. I'm a 26M from Ireland. I'm luckily very resilient. I think I'm resistant to accepting I have BPD, but like 6 consultant psychiatrists have all labeled me with it. I don't act suicidally. At least not intentionally. That's where I get confused. Overall I accept the logic they can't all be wrong. Is anyone else out there got comorbid illnesses and if so how do they cope? I'm here for positivity, identification, learning, change and coping mechanisms. Matthew.",2.9136671575846833,5.9941857938144345,5.237916053019145,69.84992268041239,87.96907216494844,9.369366715758467,30.639911634757,9.23628265651192,4.190776730486008,430,23,70,16,14,149,75,97,0.073,0.737,0.18899999999999997,0.8883,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,0,5,5,0,1,2,0,8,3,0,2,2,20,15,7,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,6,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,9,3,7,13,3,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,1,42,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630345921539932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17209751252441666,0.2521858917481925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.619975929308619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603694151095227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498134212482076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056072769398856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285910431070487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19685000741146005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024507408619413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26922266362474057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770805225657822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20308030533454047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691009106371633,0.0,0.0 bpd,eraserway,2020/01/04,"It’s driving me fucking crazy. My paranoia and irrational thoughts about my relationship are getting more and more intense. But are they really irrational? Am i being crazy or am i actually right? I know i’m more perceptive than most people. It feels like i’m right and everything makes sense. But i also know that my mind is broken and overly untrusting by default. If i explained my rationale to an outsider, with all the facts and the context, would they think the same as me? Or would i sound insane and paranoid? i’m never going to ask anyone so i’ll never know. i’ll just continue on this downward spiral of not knowing what to trust.",3.0288650693568755,5.72254904918033,4.222459016393444,81.50469735182853,79.0,7.032534678436318,27.417402269861284,8.139509932561175,2.2335339218158885,512,22,89,10,13,167,81,122,0.166,0.774,0.06,-0.9109999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,0,4,3,1,0,4,0,8,1,0,2,4,34,24,14,0,3,7,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,10,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,2,14,2,11,20,6,10,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,4,4,65,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.20385702314580267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705787514998982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460682798136282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195294026094234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18774654753257056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562650914737433,0.149238756165277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19312540129512887,0.1091420334353864,0.0,0.1187231251612686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4592256132048221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205836720237738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944289016832193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21093023291425075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222343136601761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448254950667351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133827186360994,0.0,0.0,0.22428125456695314,0.0,0.3568002426999071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385518226248544,0.0,0.1658438817570355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967942353291459,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Strawnana710,2020/01/04,Sex with FP too intense emotionally Hi everyone. So basically I was wondering if anyone gets so emotional during sex with their FP that it becomes too much and is emotionally overwhelming. It has even gotten to the point for me that I sometimes self harm after if my sexual feelings are too much. I’m just tired of experiencing emotions so strongly to the point where it’s interfering with my life.,6.7746575342465745,8.269542904109592,7.723178082191782,65.69545205479454,65.16438356164383,11.31945205479452,35.14794520547945,11.20814326018867,4.507763835616438,324,15,53,10,5,109,53,73,0.084,0.836,0.08,-0.3055,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,9,3,0,1,2,0,4,4,0,0,0,9,9,6,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,6,1,8,7,2,4,0,1,0,2,3,3,0,3,1,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881949188362186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876751000409966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7645966319416099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223762031058206,0.0,0.0,0.16237605972657634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859220644095022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887817736505441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200270741687104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24983722419342155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32127886336106765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727477368295005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16806580085087675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19531033420394567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18428258819223486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,strawbs328,2020/01/05,"Why am i like this I moved so quickly into a relationship with a guy who lives 1500 miles from me but I've only even known long distance relationships so to me it was fine and now he's ended it because he doesn't have a good feeling anymore. i know its my fault for jumping into it but fuck he treated me so nicely, within just a couple. weeks he's treated me better than i ever have been treated. it feels shitty. i just want to be loved romantically. i was doing so well and then this feels like its knocked me down again :(",1.125,3.4511492777777804,2.9977777777777814,89.60000000000002,84.0,4.711111111111111,21.037037037037038,5.985473137389443,0.15489259259259258,414,13,85,3,12,138,72,108,0.165,0.606,0.22899999999999998,0.8205,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,12,13,1,0,4,0,9,2,0,0,1,16,16,9,0,1,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,3,3,12,11,10,12,0,15,0,0,0,2,9,5,1,0,10,61,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053779373880292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624032880131775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831545472314748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22914148540617385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342054404718744,0.0,0.0,0.1367811944381901,0.18732503852388285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31413324425461164,0.14794535646132595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19145165150466614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369752389901927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20505196229171585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381141666464432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20234772660387096,0.0,0.18286453485703946,0.18326840464816735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18690708711213386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201042224144928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750151006668084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4446749759526808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214722839688127,0.0,0.1661153525133323,0.0,0.1861990562394154,0.0,0.1868667909300704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Merry-goes-forever,2020/01/05,"Bpd gets worse when on diet so i have been diagnosed as bpd a while back and currently i'm refusing any treatment because i just don't trust anyone with my brain and last time i took medication i was stumped and devoid of anything that is me, i couldn't do art anymore. i'm currently on a diet and my mood swings have been worst than it's ever been i keep swinging drastically back and forth from suicidal depressed to manic cheerful and happy, i'm hearing voices in an empty house and shadowy figures, and yeah you get the gist. does anyone else experience this? i can't drop the diet because i've gained some weight over the last few weeks and it's making me miserable, even though i feel crappy now too it's worse when i weigh more because then i will be tired nonstop and don't get anything done",6.416638888888887,6.2013117750000015,6.683333333333334,78.81055555555557,65.625,9.361111111111112,32.77777777777778,8.841846274778883,2.5971319444444445,644,24,124,9,9,208,105,160,0.20600000000000002,0.713,0.081,-0.9690000000000001,2,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,11,7,0,1,6,1,15,9,1,1,1,20,26,17,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,5,11,5,2,2,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,6,4,15,3,10,17,4,20,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,1,14,78,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651145203335013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074794200547527,0.19846955399778976,0.14541529603078238,0.2335785201188852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182576680296083,0.0,0.25954199418182944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574901937115141,0.15843127335720836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223673608885388,0.14404728334106348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419641643675375,0.14523491643097647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855715970086896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373777859037033,0.12837607580272473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882640974099028,0.0,0.0,0.07175974889130902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224442985770548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107802150963667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599557875920444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637582974405884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614630479336714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313698459236738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947336692647473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297092900268316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523903045408166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943710309611013,0.0,0.08275553823067572,0.1631178281699061,0.0,0.0,0.1576799518381778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384082584095688,0.17282209105594126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892601624976116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,IcedCaramelPie,2020/01/05,"Why is it okay for everyone else to speak badly about me but when I stick up for myself or talk badly about them, I'm the one in the wrong? Especially at WORK. Like what the fuck. I'm 18, you bitches are late 20's-30's. This manager I work with, I don't trust at all. My boss told me, that me and this manager are made for one another because we just keep fighting and fighting. But the thing is, I'm not *trying* to fight anyone. I tried to quit, and they tried to talk me into staying so nothing is really making sense. But this manager, the other day she went off on me because she told me to go put hashbrowns up in the freezer, and I made kind of a joke like ""Well now I don't want too."" And she took it the wrong way. She went off, told me to go home, and basically that she's the manager and she's the one in charge. Told me to make my choice, which was go home and get suspended (which she doesn't have the authority to do so it was a blatant lie), or stay and do what I'm told. And I left. I was told previously I wouldn't have to work with her anymore, yet here I am, still closing the fucking store with her. And then all my managers and coworkers think I'm crazy because I keep standing up for myself. They said I need an attitude change. But I come to work, and I work my ass off. I keep asking them to switch my shift, and they simply wouldn't for the longest time. I haven't been the greatest person around this manager, and it's because I don't trust her. Why would I be friends with her when I don't trust her? I was giving her car rides home for free, and apparently I'm the one who's evil. But nobody is taking me seriously now because of this manager. She's the one who repeatedly started with me, and has never apologized once. I'm sick of it, she shouldn't be fucking yelling at employees. She's the one who needs to change. I'm not the one throwing french fries at customers and shit.",2.2868562030075203,3.6509914160401,3.7048927005012544,90.70854205827072,75.94235588972431,7.092763157894738,24.24819862155389,7.756953410329674,0.9859153508771932,1481,47,338,21,32,488,171,399,0.18899999999999997,0.747,0.065,-0.9954,2,0,0,0,6,0,53.0,1,1,5,6,15,25,9,0,20,1,29,6,2,5,4,58,70,30,0,7,10,0,0,2,1,4,1,3,3,1,21,28,0,3,1,1,2,11,12,14,1,7,17,3,60,12,44,47,3,46,0,0,0,4,44,18,6,2,15,225,81,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044915185520315,0.0,0.0,0.07608708359882302,0.05364543641520352,0.0,0.0,0.06829837512328361,0.07172421878641069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811844732317154,0.23384348321945486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16232228691556416,0.06608875391885853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04947900181276597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409094437095296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331065340647222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592748182107509,0.21278329111339103,0.04008380205719221,0.07359822595910469,0.13080774011947102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23087367282274354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20458070580077448,0.0,0.07989360587157207,0.0,0.0,0.0865451610867623,0.0,0.08335810277047967,0.0,0.0,0.07496447079927633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145191421893879,0.10242435534424622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377599728594225,0.0591723281957925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361632065374331,0.0,0.0,0.08170586274115284,0.36391918041452415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699022922826264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771262690091024,0.0,0.0816027282850711,0.0,0.0,0.04914973891466662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297968800046202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875348750683697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05430385208634984,0.16354976002718824,0.0612698658788293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057684998118255885,0.12333162453081828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05097033627790847,0.04916002076610803,0.0,0.0,0.04473690674196908,0.0,0.0,0.4398639204388333,0.08524037727601806,0.156266528122464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04525231140499195,0.060897932622137864,0.0,0.0,0.06898181634448589,0.14224314458981638,0.13845838870683666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792707233322595,0.0,0.0,0.0545007317812719,0.1677657692909555,0.0,0.0 bpd,heeeellyeah,2020/01/05,Anyone want to talk? I could do with a vent and will listen if you want to vent too.,-0.8147368421052619,0.8905593684210551,1.157105263157895,103.68723684210528,86.89473684210527,3.8,9.5,3.1291,-2.212389473684211,64,0,17,0,2,21,16,19,0.0,0.852,0.14800000000000002,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930952544668455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488617529808512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45186580227923706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6631866587599188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RedStellaSafford,2020/01/05,"Things I have tried in my quest for an identity \-Reading virtually any books that catch my interest (typically nonfiction) \-Buying art, clothes, home decor, etc. \-Trying new recipes \-Broadening the kind of TV I watch \-Broadening the music I listen to \-Joining Facebook groups \-Exploring the outdoors more \-Taking on new creative projects \-Going to social events \-Travelling What am I doing right now? I'm at home, having taken a sick day off work. Why? Because somebody said something last night that upset me. I try what I can to make the loneliness and lack of purpose go away, but it never works. I'm almost 30, and there are people my age with spouses and kids; if I married someone today, I wouldn't know who they were marrying, even though he lives in my body.",5.47195443645084,7.998475230215827,5.396564748201438,77.0030965227818,70.07913669064749,8.374340527577939,33.166067146282984,9.075114841892004,3.294682973621104,623,30,101,13,12,194,112,139,0.059000000000000004,0.9109999999999999,0.03,-0.4423,0,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,1,2,4,3,0,1,6,0,8,2,1,1,1,13,18,6,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,1,7,4,0,0,2,5,1,5,2,1,0,0,3,3,14,2,13,14,3,22,0,0,1,0,9,7,0,2,10,61,21,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686180324125416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451081902423856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15820773347732525,0.0,0.0,0.10264884183442254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18704307549898228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859747214843853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18779910716796175,0.11121985602482533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913995754964124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378173411696536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535203461274831,0.0925426147023683,0.13726013854333308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869125337282513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240148011584102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987257276364236,0.3252637814427176,0.0,0.158022393617435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674026538291417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16843534027089946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380394488650566,0.16017723366818384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716521663296134,0.14267610703735484,0.12963467296316306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660815188300234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187068193660636,0.0,0.16544209564254864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15961381418447432,0.0,0.0,0.3429768045792314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194557752202775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451795184851481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,girlmeetschaos,2020/01/05,"Anyone else have massive meltdowns then feel totally fine like five minutes later? It's happened to me a couple of times where I'd be with my ex and just totally have a major crying session and beat myself up and say these very serious things like I don't know what to do with my life or I hate myself etc... Then like once I'm cried out I bounce right back up like nothing ever happened! I remember it affected my ex because he'd just comforted me and stuff like that then BANG like nothing happened. Idk. Anyone else like this? Is it common in people with BPD?",2.9679464285714303,5.024379901785718,4.054785714285714,85.9402142857143,75.875,6.622857142857143,25.485714285714288,7.554174236665415,1.4054078571428574,447,16,85,6,10,145,74,112,0.10300000000000001,0.6859999999999999,0.21100000000000002,0.912,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,11,1,0,2,0,7,1,0,1,3,18,14,8,0,0,3,2,1,7,0,0,1,1,0,0,9,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,12,9,10,12,4,14,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,15,56,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956530513268384,0.2867033840196457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758017505785436,0.0,0.08528626865978141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620850606602154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480490641155814,0.3073634770683837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337494047311319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560337634771325,0.0,0.1265542771786967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074139861869531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711590257781796,0.0,0.0,0.13812961860820885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768894627444115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882075293648827,0.4784619113554431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684898982251144,0.0,0.0,0.1489968432064786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699419359179376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848784097445434,0.11948017784467692,0.0,0.11126000107681032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016053085752546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294827748946748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815811455353341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543827920653887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,FauxMichelle,2020/01/05,"I just need a hug I feel so alone right now, I just hope it goes away soon",-2.276666666666668,-0.7954097777777775,-0.27999999999999936,113.10000000000002,91.22222222222223,3.6,9.0,3.1291,-2.6402,56,0,18,0,2,18,15,18,0.11900000000000001,0.57,0.311,0.5729,0,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4895038844032484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44405302342114905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23897677946534146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4694299032372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35045040358649165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40362487410195536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Clementinebeck,2020/01/05,"Spiralling out of control. Does anyone else have a long standing history of getting their shit together for a while? Only for it to all become too much and suddenly you’re spiralling out of control. That’s pretty much how my life is going now. I have a reputation in my family for starting things and never finishing. It’s like I’m so passionate about so many things that I can’t focus on just one goal. I’ve quit maybe four or five jobs/classes in five years. I know I can’t keep going on like this so I force myself to stay on track to ignore the signs that I’m spiralling out of control. But I’m breaking again. Self harm becomes as routine as brushing my teeth. I eat and purge until I no longer eat at all. All the while telling myself that I’ve got it under control. I’ve disappointed the people who have helped me and supported me all these years so much that I can’t bare to do it to them again. They finally thought I was fine. They forgot to make sure I was okay, I started to drift into the background. No one knew the pain inside my head was returning. When they looked the other way, I allowed the darkness to creep back in.",2.770913043478263,4.6600662217391315,3.8245652173913065,88.1251086956522,75.91304347826087,6.513043478260869,24.97826086956522,7.365786028017652,1.1338,901,31,182,11,20,291,133,230,0.11699999999999999,0.816,0.067,-0.8867,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,5,6,13,12,1,0,10,1,11,8,3,7,6,31,28,17,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,15,8,2,7,3,0,0,3,6,5,0,5,7,2,25,7,31,21,7,37,0,1,1,1,9,12,1,1,20,127,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377689262250668,0.12276383350341527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921297440853766,0.0,0.0,0.2646507985314827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5375273697737207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485023656613764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451997296571906,0.10008941157795603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295018905790705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312506280845104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259798792307886,0.0,0.13618637148509824,0.0,0.09582638175150712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296396225725058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030895009677376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649638917934597,0.0,0.0,0.06584676518415411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462833113505136,0.11707035752390915,0.0,0.0,0.10603181965567468,0.10061377383663013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799769262122409,0.12147281955412095,0.1203694941202488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642317262834865,0.0,0.09240811738606168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237844067686993,0.09112411789117264,0.12749078397037278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306409827436897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189414181019607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743717755094072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499236820556398,0.0,0.12298758118851574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16961025165366278,0.12770602310126164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359637637756824,0.1129234900400338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472291452952262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919849570194594,0.0,0.0,0.09511911204668376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510295568723516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431286653073953 bpd,ThatRobRobinson,2020/01/05,Why did a mod just remove a very eloquent post I wrote meant to help literally everyone? I'm really curious. I'm offended. I don't understand.,1.24642857142857,3.911835071428573,5.261428571428574,69.80857142857147,91.14285714285714,11.371428571428574,28.42857142857143,10.125756701596842,4.8854000000000015,114,6,20,6,4,43,23,28,0.08900000000000001,0.7040000000000001,0.207,0.4641,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4162904036461805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920127353302798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4172404531136879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27909401568755626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4535359033083502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594639204376527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3931140689975091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Sophxe_14,2020/01/05,"DAE block people when they feel they’ve spoken to someone too much? Does anyone else get this overwhelming feeling when you talk to someone too much? It’s usually friends of mine and not my FP (my ex boyfriend). When I talk to someone too much and cannot stop messaging them I tend to say to them I’ll block them for a few days to give myself and them space. I’ll then unblock them after a few days. They all understand it, although granted it’s weird. It’s just I get super anxious and an overwhelming feeling that I’ve spoken to them too much and keep messaging all the time.",5.5333004926108345,5.730407206896551,5.521133004926113,84.99431034482761,67.44827586206897,8.697536945812809,31.226600985221683,8.418075326091056,2.147553201970444,460,17,94,6,7,144,64,116,0.081,0.797,0.122,0.5787,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,8,1,8,5,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,17,10,10,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,4,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,16,2,10,10,8,11,0,2,0,0,17,1,0,0,10,61,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943665285874003,0.0,0.12030074184068047,0.17628465056842013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22191489235140896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505613403198553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437249590705222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609796067568599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292471978481074,0.0,0.17977712347992367,0.1650451887931525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529251589618794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5059035842254415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192771936261723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368203621253636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43732997151676267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384076433794504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765731237348798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003232227819281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17910919678693252,0.0,0.0,0.1894877937157716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jaelynne17,2020/01/05,"Today marks day 5 of no longer smoking weed, which happens to be the one thing that calmed my toxic thoughts and behaviors. I’d like to share with you how it’s been going these past few days. To start, I decided to quit smoking weed because I have a really big job opportunity that does a one time once hired on drug test. Well..I’ve been smoking daily all day for at least 3 consecutive years now. It helps me sleep, eat, calm down, think straight etc. I’ve wanted to quit before but have never had a strong enough motive, so now that I literally CANT I’ve made it to day five and here’s what I have to share. Nights 1-2 were the worst, made it through the day fine actually, but once it was time to sleep I had severe panic attacks and cried for hours convinced I’d never be able to sleep again. Day 2-4 I was grumpier than I’ve ever been in my life, and that’s coming from someone with BPD. My mood swings are absolutely out of control and I’m angry with the whole world. Yelling at my boyfriend and roommate nonstop. Being extra judgmental. Pressure in my head that literally was just causing me to be angry. Day 4-5 I slept, and I slept well, with no issues falling asleep (stayed up late but still) and I have more energy I’ve than I’ve ever had before. Day 5. I’m hungry and enjoy food again. Not nearly as grumpy as the first few days, and most importantly this no longer seems impossible or like then end of the world. I’d like to admit that I’ve now realized a lot of my BPD issues were worsened because I masked them all with smoking pot. Sad? Smoke. Need to eat? Smoke. Suicidal ideation? Smoke. Going to work? Smoke. Wake up? Smoke. Go to sleep? Smoke. All I did all day everyday was smoke pot because I was convinced it made me feel better and “happier”. I’ve now realized that I can in fact live without smoking all day everyday and it only took five days of hell. I’m going to take this whole month off and really pay attention to myself and the changes that happen. I’ll more than likely smoke again after being hired, but I know it won’t be nearly as frequent and will be more for fun than for Coping with life. As ridiculous as it may sound I’m unbelievably proud of myself for sticking to this and not just saying “well I’ll just find a job that doesn’t drug test” Thanks for reading <3",2.129068486590036,4.304243980603449,3.232195402298853,90.25456704980844,79.02155172413794,6.020996168582376,21.518007662835245,7.123485893559443,0.5560867432950194,1813,52,378,22,45,582,221,464,0.139,0.7240000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.8513,2,0,10,0,1,0,55.0,0,1,1,10,18,28,3,2,12,0,32,16,9,7,10,68,60,29,1,2,11,0,1,4,0,3,4,3,0,0,25,24,3,1,12,1,1,7,11,7,2,5,21,4,27,20,61,29,19,66,1,1,0,0,7,17,1,5,45,228,52,10,0.07026308888360683,0.0,0.06856663917797713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993440711395748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849518047510186,0.0,0.1195774270378436,0.0,0.0,0.06214199224819685,0.0,0.0,0.17698780154574345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217954714206788,0.07432903148574684,0.060525429554154436,0.0,0.0,0.07880602877468112,0.0,0.0,0.07718070383816544,0.543766555315347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06148770257664472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16296575210126624,0.14379336225459893,0.0,0.0,0.06223224156119464,0.07260055332434355,0.07836191731396623,0.0,0.12711397306595354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035527128909153965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421919031643476,0.05976574751048036,0.08496240597958052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972853050428998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426683490471804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211020009621429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04709586739633361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919498912891002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667281974178736,0.13945054788901504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038614756111909614,0.0,0.07925982470544136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925779520978956,0.13730798441128886,0.0,0.06204359476368741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05973516553700641,0.0,0.1994539007762533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608332719792551,0.0,0.0,0.05209919010682795,0.10838245145813766,0.0,0.0,0.06593714916508918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14965579304378174,0.0952241749011298,0.05343824527202904,0.0,0.08243859577669171,0.0,0.0,0.06707406877362891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494668877645615,0.07028210307332973,0.0,0.0900246678561107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055876028434131496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396487722257069,0.0,0.07937729084536399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812553281843707,0.0,0.05953368719873845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0497325759539507,0.07489110394847201,0.056112193544980406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685641507787097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052829098491169284,0.0,0.0,0.06468881210031784,0.0,0.0,0.04667967414740136,0.04502175025743367,0.0,0.05578104411039463,0.08194194433764844,0.0,0.06660119261431892,0.0,0.07806487706400812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041442990277411565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18952486549233052,0.0,0.0,0.1568924589979687,0.0,0.06773111033962305,0.0,0.05115236553661553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04524712557518413 bpd,TheOtherPuffling,2020/01/05,"[Venting] It's not fair that we can't just ask for comfort. If you're one of the people who need constant attention and sympathy and comfort, like me, wouldn't it be nice if you could just ask someone to be your FP and they'd actually consent to comforting you as often as you need it? Wouldn't it be great if you could just say those words, ""I have trouble regulating my emotions and therefore need a lot of comfort and sympathy, sometimes for no real reason other than my brain chemicals being off. Please comfort me forever and I'll love you and be your best friend forever."" And then they'd just. Actually do that. No games, no white lies, no awkwardness, no manipulation, no having to make up something wrong because I can't just say, ""My brain sucks. I'm sympathy-deficient. Please lay it on me thick."" But I don't think the world works like that. Granted, I've never tried it. Maybe someone here has been that honest and blunt, in which case I congratulate your spirit of bravery and invite you to share how it went. But mostly, honest FP relationships like this don't exist, I think. I've never seen one anyway. Hurt/comfort relationships tend to drain the other person, even hurt them, and it's so unfair that something I NEED hurts people. I don't want to have to be manipulative, ever, but I gotta get my needs met or I'll end up so miserable... Maybe everyone who's ever called me a vampire was right, but Jesus, even vampires gotta eat!!!",4.086324951644103,5.7439810496453925,5.142424242424244,81.02454545454547,71.83687943262412,7.964152159896841,27.357188910380398,8.575989854853784,1.99837730496454,1144,41,218,20,22,376,149,282,0.11599999999999999,0.727,0.157,0.8599,0,0,2,0,0,0,48.0,1,9,3,2,15,23,1,2,5,0,24,4,2,6,4,54,45,25,0,13,14,0,1,3,1,4,0,2,0,1,20,12,1,0,4,1,0,1,16,7,0,2,5,5,29,16,20,26,3,16,2,3,2,1,28,8,1,7,10,145,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.2001748367014588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19176650958070576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252190588332415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763432079254402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289901145216999,0.10472904910581723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083496994568008,0.0,0.16377760649095274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494831434480277,0.0,0.11537040638068885,0.09084103393009113,0.0,0.0,0.135484770143975,0.18554955519187494,0.0,0.0980040518859138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924049356435932,0.0,0.053585322651768214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130768889432744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293898250599768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032239267622735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719602674171524,0.09256778258034068,0.0,0.06846209499650004,0.0,0.20607813106675346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38024857995600175,0.15820696319694225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899969350537422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220957108971954,0.08955470448114017,0.0,0.22516838140617784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673999380547892,0.0,0.10545260996147716,0.0,0.2202301535426033,0.0,0.08758887628121106,0.0,0.1631256103758522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380385353743366,0.15791716062987146,0.1014381645580794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143741058100855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963404916168936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049475306546408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507761747466008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746676265669598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213735244664652,0.0,0.0 bpd,alteredgex,2020/01/05,"My mother punches/slaps me for every single bad thing I do Sometimes i just get really angry and say something rude, but i always apologize instantly yet my mother still punches me for it. Sometimes she does it for no reason. She takes my stuff away to make me act ""better"" even tho she knows it makes me feel very bad and anxious bc i cant contact anyone.",1.4334603174603195,4.082516885714289,2.9519047619047636,87.75198412698414,87.28571428571428,4.825396825396826,20.63492063492064,6.42735559955562,0.5398730158730158,282,9,51,3,9,92,51,70,0.225,0.754,0.021,-0.937,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,9,8,4,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,2,14,1,5,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,2,36,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787171164387764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426442715670307,0.0,0.15018164951060184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20179621195247646,0.0,0.35867057922336143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18995859246648045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879585287321704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186250663230862,0.0,0.18096440126173588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086010145121139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221553805645826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803941994903802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28673936989912296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375958395806453,0.2208332577035348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080449676559326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535086728496562,0.4248528385027395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715264174897852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24587577395351726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149049664475112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269264433007642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17721891961646374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nebulaspeck,2020/01/05,"Passion I’m going to try and keep this short and concise. For me, this is one of the most complicated/difficult things that I have to deal with. I can get so passionate about something, no matter how big or small, to the point where when people don’t mirror the same level of enthusiasm, I get extremely frustrated, and more often than not, split. But then, I can also get so passionate about something, no matter how big or small, more often than not when I’m manic, but then as little as 1 minute later, lose complete interest in pursuing whatever it may have been. And here, labeled a procrastinator? But then, cycle, and get interested in that thing again? And this cycle continues. How does this work? I don’t understand. I never feel neutral about something. Never. And I guess that’s where the idea of “black and white thinking” comes in? Yes, our strong passion can be looked at as something positive, but man can it ever be the worst thing ever. Input?",4.8553711093375895,6.718444245810058,5.481344772545892,78.53682960893858,70.2290502793296,8.466241021548285,27.310853950518755,9.04235418022936,2.3202574620909817,756,26,134,15,14,244,105,179,0.07400000000000001,0.74,0.185,0.9686,0,0,4,0,0,0,31.0,1,0,0,3,19,10,1,0,6,1,13,4,0,3,4,38,27,28,0,0,8,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,12,10,0,1,4,0,0,2,8,3,0,1,1,4,9,7,20,23,5,28,0,1,3,4,3,14,0,7,12,105,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281845617696454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380764031679349,0.16806194187974882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525286272789802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027163249203434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28998456223476565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104788699220113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33498148384808657,0.0,0.09109700310180742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17657847973063592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18094889700447855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142473902338513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065357537625607,0.0,0.0,0.13460397200292487,0.1793244980209225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247252422231438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861725114415036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112551624120497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152669567254348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49359901345229107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31947042200952097,0.10270792600173782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882698825068844,0.0,0.0,0.1668684628754387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166936723762997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thewheelerdealer3,2020/01/05,Does anyone here have irrational fears that revenge will be taken upon you by someone you think is very resentful or angry with you? Has anyone else experienced this and turned out to be completely irrational? I'm really struggling with that right now. Wanted to see if anyone else has experienced this and was actually scared of the person in question. Thanks.,6.9247619047619065,9.383634809523807,6.930349206349209,67.81742857142861,65.98412698412699,10.11936507936508,30.06031746031745,10.355215969177356,3.721561269841269,295,11,43,8,5,94,49,63,0.303,0.6609999999999999,0.036000000000000004,-0.9657,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,2,5,1,3,1,0,8,0,0,0,0,10,15,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,3,1,9,10,0,5,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,3,1,31,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.19305964475846726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4149951241728424,0.4054132409218945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20742754733527655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731278382428593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305336072667988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22262078643849548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274298526706322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22162188037439068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673896959340872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689510791495075,0.0,0.0,0.1980686021208109,0.0,0.15764987973830102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762601521005804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068214065481704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214104167359965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676548267945906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151890332129816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323562785838128,0.1166889478120362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,manfromanother-place,2020/01/05,"DAE wonder if different circumstances could've prevented the development of BPD? i didn't have any childhood trauma, but i still feel like something concrete must've caused it. maybe if 2 of my childhood best friends didn't move away, if another didn't join a different friend group, if more than 1 person showed up to my 12th bday party, if i didn't keep dating someone in early high school who didn't even like me.... idk, i'm not trying to blame it on anyone else but me. but i just sometimes wonder if it could've turned out differently.",8.493142857142857,7.037663457142859,7.883809523809528,75.94285714285716,62.04761904761904,11.066666666666668,34.333333333333336,9.888512548439397,3.0706761904761906,433,14,83,7,5,136,73,105,0.084,0.703,0.213,0.9462,4,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,18,12,9,0,6,11,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,6,1,0,0,5,1,8,5,10,7,2,12,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,8,7,45,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069235921070567,0.1648721403785135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994072304495048,0.1611034283636045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14772524820498242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650059631755454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980290154658228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16152124081408376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510749499475368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4928239544450088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134770141937593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385068084515932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950155094037703,0.11232703486392943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429551070107826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16612492486362393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397556015930376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536318589817413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579613280211336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711342117259195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372894831407297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15912783362435107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332227120745313,0.12104537381669565,0.15550710890744826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556619548119818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067506467001719,0.17102397010037398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.341024198458836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MostNeedleworker5,2020/01/05,"I need you guys help.. So, my life has been very tumultuous. Starting with my parents... My father abandoned me and my sister when we were children.. Hes never been in our lives. My mother raised me but I believe she is Narcissistic. One of many memories I have as a child is crying intensely one afternoon because my mom convinced me she smoked crack when she was pregnant with me and I was therefore a crack baby. She laughed at me as I cried. This past Christmas we went to the mall and decided to go into Footlocker and she told me i can pick out any pair of shoes I wanted under 150.00. So I did, but when I told her I found a pair she started laughing and said ""you know I'm not buying you any shoes"". She does things like this a lot. Sometimes she even laughs at my misfortunes. But I have apart of her in me that I cant deny. I laugh at uncomfortable moments, and sometimes at others issues. I sometimes antagonize, manipulate, use and pick with people to get reactions or get them to do something. I play mind games with people and cause drama within people to watch them argue or fight. It's like a high for me. It feeds something within me, AND IM NOT HAPPY TO ADMIT. Sometimes I feel so dark and evil, and other times like a innocent little boy in a adult's body. I have been abused physically and mentally, and I guess sexually too. I was almost beaten to death by my older cousin while out drinking when I was 17. His older friend tried to rape me in the back seat of his car, which has caused me to be very anxious all the time and small situations like going to the grocery store makes me paranoid, like people are watching me, or staring at me or want to hurt me. I also have been very promiscuous for some time. I have had unprotected sex with random women I meet online or at bars, parties etc. I've found I do this more when I am bored, or lonely, or feel unworthy, or something happens in my life that makes me feel disgusting. I've had sex with over 45 women ""that I can remember"" and I am only in my mid 20s. At least 25 of those women were in one year. I am currently out of work right now and have been for the last 6 months because I'm healing, after a nervous breakdown. My ex fiance who was diagnosed with bpd destroyed me. I literally checked into a psych ward because I couldn't cope with losing her. I loved her soooo much, I lost weight and even lost my job because of her. We ran away together to get married and she lied and told me she was going back home to get her medicine and got back with her ex boyfriend who she said was abusive. We got into many fights while she was devaluing me. My actions against her were just down right evil, because I didnt feel she had remorse. So I used everything I knew about her and used it to destroy her life. I tried to get her fired from her job, I told her mother things she was hiding from her, I attacked everything I knew would hurt her and she gave me my share as well. After this I feel into a deep depression because i felt so bad! I stalked her for months, and called her 20 times a day while she emotionally abused me into having a nervous breakdown. She literally would talk to me on the phone and call me names with her new FP and laughed at me while calling me stupid. But even after she cheated on me, lied to me, and abused me I dont want to lose her forever. It's like I like the pain, I feel like i deserve it and more. All my life I've felt deep down I am not worthy, and will never find someone who will love me. And I sometimes abuse the people that do love me. The longest job I've had has been for a year, working with a Narcissist who used me for supply. I recently took revenge on him and almost got him arrested. I know that was long, but I hope someone can offer some clarity, a lot of this is just summed up life events..",3.802087018040325,4.837711088197147,4.6921363046810525,86.39020304209411,71.71076523994813,7.5268576818771376,26.728947058129936,7.814691822520688,1.4037297535667963,2983,98,623,37,55,968,324,771,0.223,0.667,0.111,-0.9988,5,2,5,0,6,0,84.0,5,3,2,7,23,50,13,2,24,0,58,21,3,12,4,124,116,61,1,8,18,9,10,8,1,4,8,2,1,8,25,53,4,1,18,6,3,8,9,27,1,3,46,15,149,23,88,64,11,91,0,9,3,6,99,43,0,17,48,431,174,7,0.0,0.3169956579584713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071625889985025,0.0,0.0,0.042790936585767464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277558431564081,0.0,0.0,0.060449668908252686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06087394005206743,0.05027324206208154,0.12343480219892827,0.04467758010762245,0.1957106631708568,0.0,0.0,0.060286049694537165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059436170431859635,0.06739241091688497,0.0,0.16391528188538135,0.0,0.0,0.10993647377524354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755372206421172,0.034508723971013,0.0,0.04608701716884906,0.05431026574237045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04682587706260038,0.0,0.06271186900766218,0.05241821447109185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060190153685739864,0.0,0.0,0.059676412563301674,0.1060260953333348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618044767359768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233382295721924,0.03822666932327237,0.10275360309920943,0.0,0.04890603787104782,0.0,0.0,0.1173391884364001,0.041340735769229336,0.0,0.13978059482027405,0.0,0.09123078541754616,0.0,0.1283875321087941,0.0,0.05894593252300798,0.052982085711237366,0.047317620356310215,0.05696107073808941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03586579436934277,0.05653494349608676,0.05367364980241264,0.05314627288156255,0.0,0.0,0.11456447001067062,0.0,0.05779864368674317,0.0558492441402635,0.1592975653210593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058814030992447086,0.043616781675548326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18897410056119854,0.20913342110129984,0.053629835459874375,0.04724921600875915,0.047353569381682635,0.0,0.11972523238605763,0.11682226638944562,0.09098246968207284,0.1448812369128865,0.0,0.07143502651606859,0.10849896960033606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05392424537332837,0.0,0.05402859465649928,0.06266881380255106,0.08542036454714312,0.0,0.03933509589869362,0.039676068039172716,0.0825385098979079,0.05167909450153823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877676316861287,0.040695823696291114,0.0569370940145236,0.0,0.059415146403234816,0.0,0.05108016671410556,0.18548118638043795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052833445829172265,0.0,0.060614994943992376,0.09139237851223857,0.10179816958428684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06014608893653545,0.0,0.0,0.09067559856790973,0.1235809745251789,0.2646076626532601,0.0,0.0757475524385809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043008314960918816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109768592260639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480555464053406,0.0,0.0,0.2045196555995057,0.05945020196111104,0.07265787219250015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18485755605043094,0.0,0.13245099436193433,0.0946825602445128,0.0,0.0,0.06515925516746379,0.04811080199756163,0.0496031572341906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791003012653007,0.0,0.0,0.07602217669528165,0.0,0.0,0.06891577505204714 bpd,juliesans,2020/01/05,What the actual F is wrong with me When does this shit go into remission? When does the chaos stop? How much dbt do I need to get the fuck better? Can I just not exist?,-0.952499999999997,1.1593176388888935,1.312444444444445,98.47700000000002,94.83333333333331,5.102222222222223,9.977777777777778,6.742157984588678,-1.051715555555556,129,1,31,2,5,43,31,36,0.3720000000000001,0.5670000000000001,0.061,-0.9414,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,2,0,3,0,3,2,1,1,0,7,7,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,7,1,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,3,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.3042633447149541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757540785922029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5457013576601601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28824604441244395,0.1628980921510418,0.0,0.1771981882161781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292024899705924,0.2311893076412468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200493018801041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606714984714451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34089485456937724,0.0,0.0 bpd,sadbabykitty,2020/01/05,"can’t feel anything other than sad/empty my life is “seemingly” headed in a positive direction right now (despite getting over a breakup that happened like last month but i’m doing a little better now). i’m going to be moving in with my best friend since childhood, we got approved for a house together, i’ll be moving up to a state where i’ve wanted to live forever. but all i can feel is dread and sadness and empty. also irritated and frustrated and just all around terrible and i don’t know why !!! i hate this. i just want to be able to feel happy and excited. i wake up crying every morning feeling like what’s the point of anything, not even wanting to get out of bed. i leave next weekend and i haven’t even started packing. i get even more annoyed because i’m on medication, been to therapy for years and i just feel like all of it is useless when i STILL feel like this when my life is not even that bad right now. like will i ever feel genuine happiness that lasts longer than a few hours? it’s getting so frustrating. probably should of put this under “venting” but i need support :/",2.7881944444444438,4.951815504629631,4.136814814814816,84.6396666666667,76.82407407407408,6.912592592592592,27.46666666666667,7.908726449838941,1.8638155555555558,863,36,164,14,20,284,129,216,0.184,0.596,0.22,0.8253,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,0,3,18,21,4,1,7,0,15,5,2,0,4,38,41,15,0,5,8,0,7,5,1,2,3,0,1,0,10,12,0,0,9,1,0,4,5,9,0,0,2,7,16,12,25,34,6,35,0,2,0,0,2,14,0,1,21,109,26,0,0.1067400552049448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853599835832746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567594118309166,0.0950212793382584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912348756104442,0.0650677469275608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201710259950873,0.09440290469019426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724893851577248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28200319909371896,0.09655249091636044,0.08993310017099773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777968536399954,0.22876535029825215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246710187118518,0.0,0.22306909324508686,0.0,0.060662833198507626,0.0,0.08536977303700717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438987830328692,0.22725354717785046,0.0,0.1053837060529981,0.10954609114694554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511745323010728,0.12316369251236667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058661542847034724,0.17401478279484134,0.0,0.11302230641475007,0.0,0.0,0.15078731533941894,0.2607389966234487,0.1069815769340093,0.09425342431443162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752937599563386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519889370505929,0.2268955725597615,0.0,0.07914639843613808,0.0,0.0,0.11351925964998327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090385360352383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508383292359868,0.0,0.0,0.10730323728204152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231084785453952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971721373824724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829647668682566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555116046210902,0.0,0.0852427459684192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112734971968935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206655561490695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888741502980372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631629746892986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873709594180741 bpd,BlurJAMD,2020/01/05,"Irrational anger 2020 has decided already that I'm going to snap at everybody and be angry at everything for no reason. I keep getting irrationally pissed off and everything i hear i have to clench my teeth or I'll say something I'll regret - my friend was talking about owning a yoghurt maker and my lava brain lit up and argued for no reason. who argues about a yoghurt maker?? I'm making myself so unlikeable",5.117692307692308,6.950309487179487,6.423589743589744,72.16307692307696,69.51282051282051,8.78974358974359,29.66666666666667,9.2995712137729,3.0168051282051285,332,13,52,7,6,112,55,78,0.32,0.644,0.036000000000000004,-0.9740000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,4,0,2,0,4,3,3,5,0,13,11,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,3,7,1,10,9,1,5,0,1,1,0,7,4,1,1,0,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803566961351076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28361009515291385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4566576225220525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19628274318035813,0.0,0.13273357662457014,0.0,0.14438566457560967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28633914995403875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22581630979492195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958410031700494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5224229842020279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020352274909599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19558442968625034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20420028533641527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Early-Bet,2020/01/05,"I just messed up something that didn't even started with someone ~4 points (looks wise) below me So this gal appears in my life and she is really sweet but not very pretty. I thought maybe I'll not be a piece of shit this time and actually try with this one, maybe this is a sign of the universe to not be so arrogant and entitled and actually develop love and care for another person... she's so sweet and nice, gives me attention, answer my texts fast, when it doesn't she explains what she couldn't etc. But even though she's doing for about 2 months, I still messed up. Things is, I'm trying to set up a date, but I have no life, so I can do it anytime, and she doesn't, she actually have a life, she is a normal person. So I keep asking her when she can, and she is giving me all these excuses, which are reasonable, but I'm like ""God damn, I want someone who will MAKE TIME to at least see me, is not like it's a favor, I want to be with you and you should at this point the same. I'm doing whatever no-life things I have to make room for you, and I'm actually going to please you and be really nice to you, why can't her see it that way? Why she needs to be so rational in a matter like this?! Just say you don't want to or if you do, when"". So today I call her out because there is this opportunity, and she managed to say she is really sorry but today she couldn't because she has to work tomorrow and have to prepare blablabla. So I give her a friendly ultimatum ""Hey, ok, it's not like I'll force this thing, I thought we were into ourselves, so when you can or want you ask me, I'm done being rejected like that, it's not cool"". Then she answers passive-agressively that I have to understand, that she is really anxious and eager to get to know me, and she needs someone like her who understand her type of life, etc, and if this doesn't work for me, then she couldn't do anything. That's it. It's done. She doesn't really care that much like I wish she did. I was in mind already marrying her, redeeming myself for accepting someone who is not at my level, etc, I was kind actually ready do some crazy things for her. But no. She just want a normal boyfriend, a normal person to spend the weekends and exchange trivial messages and occasionally doing something different. Apparently I'm too much of a thing to deal with. This really hurted me, not even someone who is downright ugly wants to put with this bullshit. What the fuck, I just want to give my all and receive someone else's all.",5.005146198830411,4.7963331306042924,6.0072651072124765,82.45042982456141,68.57115009746589,9.41309941520468,29.185769980506826,9.120678840339163,2.1128139571150104,1948,62,421,33,30,649,201,513,0.105,0.711,0.184,0.991,2,1,2,0,0,0,71.0,1,9,0,3,25,30,3,0,15,2,52,7,1,3,3,89,94,45,0,19,22,0,0,7,1,2,4,2,1,3,39,27,0,1,11,1,2,4,20,7,0,1,9,8,70,23,47,74,12,39,0,2,3,2,64,16,3,6,24,301,109,4,0.0,0.0,0.315212596878225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129023721611485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774113741848234,0.0,0.07298220324195714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05316218300458665,0.0,0.12078884734020467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787619168922842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596616454138209,0.0,0.13173268729802304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660212782888897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749564671657116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222115119197836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0539669265591174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21614590199274888,0.12800761655639367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04991157163592072,0.05972377927038351,0.033752031945578374,0.24788962585587646,0.0367149721055392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915809123219521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742148667920378,0.0,0.06727334731813209,0.035503730962400185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18252204141009706,0.22092992160689898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054249655961339883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583060920447759,0.0,0.08624506499287975,0.0,0.12980337373821207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522990030073808,0.0,0.05156493425831296,0.0,0.0949802377835162,0.09580356398217774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898895935295089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04377618593534943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16922469233790452,0.0,0.07091391845995268,0.12214009715873038,0.0,0.0,0.06572375734204343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494314815057348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24831530036961774,0.06642191712261614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274867333221244,0.0,0.0,0.10295932752185437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631332582582518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32842388138535417,0.0994680032995672,0.0,0.07231697840522727,0.04572583578202689,0.0,0.05159147496769189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21459446584860048,0.0,0.06347142527191213,0.10257400964324202,0.07534023361091663,0.0,0.1224708408102302,0.0,0.0,0.08772143323943425,0.0,0.0,0.13450653152484174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053303657763030456,0.2667287450879295,0.05127829351989508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658704311778074,0.0,0.0742894492015071,0.0,0.0,0.09406247802467538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chell125,2020/01/05,"Screwed up. Again. Big time. I work with my boyfriend/FP at one of my jobs and he was being extremely mean and embarrassed me in front of my coworkers and I split on him in front of everyone now all the workers took his side, calling me psycho and now I’m probably going to quit because everyone is being mean to me and treating me weird. And he’s threatening to leave me for the girl that flirts with him at the bar. I’m about to lose my shit and I can’t do this anymore. I wanna run away. No one will ever love me the same way I love them and i should realize that. I’m about to give up on relationships for good.",0.6398571428571422,2.76832223846154,2.554505494505495,93.28692307692309,84.30769230769229,6.483516483516485,21.59340659340659,7.7094869923839395,0.8465714285714291,481,16,110,9,14,160,79,130,0.149,0.758,0.09300000000000001,-0.6969,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,4,6,10,2,1,4,0,8,5,1,0,2,18,18,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,10,1,0,3,1,0,5,2,5,0,2,2,0,20,5,24,12,2,22,0,1,0,3,12,11,2,0,5,76,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18067034961302347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116102127425825,0.0,0.0,0.11105323497676976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18602279528948384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647892691484186,0.0,0.34815531769209274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17476050580463345,0.10353522578629416,0.15280118579855534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807822799862774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19289883766633487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038091458492964,0.0,0.0,0.3288431971142127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39688770062450507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24689531463353054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19641731185067812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937673617032736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19558961491015628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18700178069810008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622870794067088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20240503427368095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460339728045754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262681873090418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aphrodites-daughter,2020/01/05,"It's just the small things y'know Ive been really close to relapsing today. I don't really know what's wrong but I've been tucked up in bed, curtains closed and unable to stop crying for hours. I have blades next to my bed and it's been harder than I'd like to admit not to open them up. Anyway, I was having a cigarette in the kitchen and looked down onto the floor and found a wee leaf in the shape of a heart and I'm still crying but something about that really eased me. Sometimes it really is just the small things that help you climb down off the ledge during dark times.",2.585750000000001,4.224019408333337,3.4466666666666685,91.725,75.75,6.8000000000000025,17.0,7.554174236665415,0.0224000000000002,459,6,100,6,10,146,79,120,0.10800000000000001,0.7929999999999999,0.099,-0.2599,0,0,2,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,1,5,2,0,0,9,0,9,2,1,0,0,17,14,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,8,8,1,1,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,1,8,1,18,9,0,23,0,0,1,0,4,16,0,0,7,63,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4324456124382396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158282031200494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23325991760017256,0.13193972202056115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19385071632834752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163595435846563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616755299340417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529855433856402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093447769519414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5044106970987978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515393679185637,0.19468277264659573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571990840721832,0.16456957251464388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615475017877249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478074357088165,0.0,0.18658415962108768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21521693325850735,0.0,0.0 bpd,jackattack1308,2020/01/05,"How to break up Hi all, I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend who has suffered with bpd for the last 12 years of her life. We have been together for 3.5 years and we have a lovely 1 year old daughter together. I've been trying my hardest to keep the relationship working but I know deep down I don't love her anymore. The thing is because she has bpd I'm terrified of breaking up with her, even thinking about it terrifies me. I can't stay with her because it's not fair on her, myself or our daughter but I'm scared of the consequences of breaking up. I broke up with her about a year into the relationship and the symptoms I'm sure a lot of you are familiar with happened, severe emotional outbreaks, suicide attempts, tears, arguments, erratic behaviour. I agreed to work things out and a couple of months later we fell pregnant. I've tried to make things work, I really have but I cant continue like this. My own mental health is worsening because i know I'm not happy but i feel I'm forcing myself to stay in this relationship. I'm afraid of the consequences of the break up for myself, my girlfriend and my 1 year old daughter. My family and friends don't understand bpd so I can't go to them for advice which is why I'm posting here. Any advice or just someone to talk to would be greatly appreciated as I feel so alone at the moment, like I'm stuck in this grey area.",3.541814911707,5.144504600719426,4.830987573577501,82.93355134074562,73.13669064748201,8.076128188358405,28.823413996075875,8.710501217029153,2.234706474820144,1101,45,218,21,22,365,141,278,0.205,0.727,0.067,-0.9926,0,1,0,0,0,1,24.0,4,1,1,4,8,12,0,2,14,0,19,5,0,2,2,38,40,15,1,1,9,3,2,2,3,1,3,0,0,0,10,16,0,1,6,0,0,2,7,4,0,0,4,3,34,8,42,34,3,36,0,2,1,2,28,15,0,3,14,141,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19213674308683296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182054711498073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685485133373607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749809520069994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17978841961564967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714577894692695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877925176720132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058664287632608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493348840973126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267886149186598,0.0,0.0994179911875514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759548348493327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587240696638592,0.0,0.0,0.10838822474000552,0.0,0.0,0.08693609276064326,0.10465388775138852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449999593591183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738333405600895,0.0,0.0,0.1080583092616334,0.08013658652131513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943996681167244,0.09605957759131398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358049669776216,0.17745903191650714,0.0,0.06562335600137334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990743651629595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847090238264763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063217139463316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094154762478708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298054409678858,0.0,0.0,0.4221968892100719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842646164852327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106344706232033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329859140069147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20957289094241335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753627764935718,0.0,0.092656954183874,0.10218277177145084,0.0,0.07901865797067235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959403803030801,0.06299371927558711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133493431604402,0.0,0.0,0.1023452182857461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871038634265313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21471473697518476,0.0,0.0,0.06983731383023409,0.0,0.0,0.31654530423767435 bpd,dolphinbutterfly,2020/01/05,"Scared that FP/friend/therapist will not resume contact after returning from his holiday. He's been away for a fortnight, and I didn't text him during the entire time, to give him a break and prove to myself that I can survive without being in constant contact. But now he's back I'm scared he will have had time to realise what a pain in the ass I am, and won't want to see me again. I texted him myself briefly this afternoon.... but how will I cope if he doesn't reply, or tells me he thinks we shouldn't see each other again? I hate feeling this anxiety whllst waiting for a response.",5.4350420168067215,5.385245613445377,5.814789915966389,83.65226890756304,67.65546218487395,8.480672268907563,30.445378151260506,7.957251820313856,1.9412655462184867,464,16,94,5,7,149,80,119,0.149,0.8190000000000001,0.032,-0.8981,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,1,5,4,1,2,6,0,13,2,1,1,1,18,22,8,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,3,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,3,15,0,12,13,1,14,0,0,2,1,14,3,1,2,10,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17635832437172466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165948286985465,0.17726686365085184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491259844327971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656521154261938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811044633148446,0.0,0.0,0.22114977777197167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22760517218713924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24530504934294586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4616106677033012,0.0,0.3674124291792339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014973860539712,0.0,0.0,0.2676684183698231,0.0,0.1477172516866269,0.0,0.0,0.2688531375658239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597526951862646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22222711058197545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Discotranny,2020/01/05,"DAE feel burnt out on life 27yo man. Recently broke up my FP. He was the love of my life. I lost my job in the ICU last week for shitty work performance. I haven’t spoken to my ex alcoholic, Bipolar mother since last summer and I don’t know if she’s alive. Last time we talked she was living with random strangers. I’ve had ongoing suicidal thoughts for the last few weeks. FT my friends who live across the country helps a little, but I wake up every day wondering what is my purpose. Im always baked so I can numb the pain. I’m getting to the end of my will to live.",1.5525362872421695,3.4025049411764736,2.908082505729567,93.481436210848,79.42016806722688,6.3440794499618045,21.742551566080976,7.348242739294969,0.5784218487394961,444,13,100,6,11,144,88,119,0.136,0.7959999999999999,0.068,-0.8525,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,3,1,6,0,0,7,0,8,9,1,0,0,11,16,4,1,1,2,2,1,0,1,1,6,0,1,1,2,4,2,0,4,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,5,1,15,2,14,10,1,18,0,2,0,1,12,7,0,3,11,51,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683204802037796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131053301455627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015750008005952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949898002245384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270123591892086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963714823095111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168474477305916,0.0,0.08228767915442703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055694813531824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012791558696153,0.0,0.15629526356495688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655833304879917,0.5135367667995699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22249497758212286,0.0,0.1578572011050984,0.4172283354738303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719307531046758,0.0,0.14215064155737578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675919797836277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555130611872011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028630794834478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228033640733822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265931951079135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503806005984694,0.09183999619327883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526753190277167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080292347614176,0.11466247461256655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jessisginger12,2020/01/05,"DAE feel unattractive when you're feeling hypersexual but nothing happens Been feeling really unattractive recently, my SO and me normally had a normal or active sex life but recently stuff would start and then just stop. I try to take charge but not sure how and I'm also not sure how to bring it up to him. It's not been a problem for a long time and I know it's just my head trying to tell me he doesn't want me, yet I still can't push it aside",3.122158054711246,4.264259787234042,4.33437689969605,87.90500000000004,73.46808510638297,7.499088145896658,25.130699088145896,7.957251820313856,1.203874164133739,356,11,78,5,7,117,64,94,0.154,0.748,0.098,-0.6577,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,3,0,6,3,1,2,2,27,16,14,0,5,9,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,4,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,3,3,9,2,6,12,0,13,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,10,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527383449863677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897178869186347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889592980584356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960156030862767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496565946573792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349051629526852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902424657283582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742683913345044,0.18326450869326916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827560765485116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235605738794572,0.0,0.3771683314152426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518698957485611,0.0,0.15252856660413905,0.15968007161408354,0.0,0.0,0.21864316828075006,0.0,0.0,0.3600203766449337,0.0,0.14360420006370914,0.0,0.1669377342079475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137051080135267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593456473351567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265358745484888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567711269213714,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Broncattus,2020/01/05,"Feel like you weren't ""allowed"" to have a healthy self-concept? So, I would say that I'm a very organic, intuitive, silly, and creative kind of person. But throughout my life, this has -- I feel like -- often been put down. Specifically, whenever I go through transitions (big life changes that are circumstantial, and affect my social-circle, or Schooling or Work), and I've been forced to, sorta, be a more methodical, inorganic, choppy, analytical kind of person, if that makes sense. Here's the deal though: Whenever I am methodical or inorganic for too long, my more organic, absurd personality seems to sort of resurrect itself from the dead, and start to go on a sort of rampage, and blows up everything that the methodical personality had built up, and with this, I feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place, though, because on so many external fronts I am forced to be a more methodical person, and yet the methodical personality cannot last but for so long before the ""natural"" one takes over again and causes a kind of problem for me. Basically, it goes like this: Organic Persona, chillin' in paradise --> Rough Transition happens --> I'm forced to be more analytical and choppy (like, for instance, my first semester at University I literally made a googledoc to track how many times I walked around my dorm to see if it was a viable method to bump into people and make friends) & thus the, what I'd call, ""Emergence of the blackandwhite, Methodical Persona"" --> Then, the Absurd, Intuitive, Natural Persona returns, and messes w/ everything the methodical persona made, and I'm forced to reflect that, ONCE AGAIN, it wasn't the right ""path"" or ""mode"" for me. I'm then left to pick up the pieces and start a new, sorta. So, it's weird! It's like I'm not allowed to be me during transitions (a conduit for the spirit of improv and spontaneity and organic power), but when I'm not, terrible things happen.",9.989006410256412,8.380097549857549,9.875596509971512,63.3325400641026,59.256410256410255,13.219444444444447,41.02581908831909,12.048122262838008,4.977850284900285,1524,67,262,39,16,503,177,351,0.062,0.82,0.11800000000000001,0.9179,3,0,8,0,0,0,90.0,0,1,0,3,15,15,0,0,24,0,17,2,0,11,0,53,41,35,1,4,11,0,5,6,1,1,2,1,1,6,16,19,0,0,5,2,0,6,5,4,0,2,9,7,17,11,40,27,5,36,1,0,1,0,11,15,0,12,21,164,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465485661374394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598527589163334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058880160424872666,0.0,0.08219068677691768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986288425692347,0.0,0.0,0.09922418800625243,0.10217905329813222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957969856335548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361711713623568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651590337353565,0.20701101791966134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215911573457156,0.0,0.0,0.07462493197060395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978825975123764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17082783527664044,0.0,0.0865253635136731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017498028515733,0.0,0.07873346481987771,0.0,0.0,0.1049449485670022,0.0,0.13644826717459654,0.2831329746327426,0.0,0.0,0.1709576197869018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18279094409066965,0.12894869660369576,0.19585351045764998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328689583580664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286483590686314,0.06545165360024227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696310870098053,0.5060301945841362,0.10091563698449196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242326021806263,0.0,0.09709928687570164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248704216560955,0.0,0.07681197472018572,0.0,0.09775389293067842,0.07696945377820881,0.08793159911126835,0.10076408114725603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984609948845549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673331745286038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262340383725538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416987840829587,0.0,0.18979770172513985,0.0,0.05632220769239206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796965854605096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703184230981624,0.0,0.0,0.06861452340629667,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pocketsense,2020/01/05,"Im not sure if this is a BPD thing? But its been ruining my night outs for ages. Im easily “in love”. I can have crushes on five different people , and each of them gives me this great feeling of hyperactivity. When I go out , I instantly get depressed when none of my “crushes” isn’t at the bar where I am (I live in small city so usually they will come , at least one) . I also get depressed when they dont show me attention and then I do stupid shit to get their attention. I literally NEED someone that I find attractive , who finds me attractive as well , or my night is ruined. I have amazing and funny friends and all I can think about are men. I feel shitty because their one glance at me gives me hope and whatever they tell me to do I will , which literally means they can fuck me when they want - which in my case isn’t often , they came out to have fun with their friends not to entertain me. And here come feelings of rejection , self hate etc. I always think they hate me , Im too pushy and boring ..... I dont know. I also constantly flirt with people. Especially when Im in bigger city , I just constantly do that for years now. At the beggining I was only 14 so I was like , puberty right? Im 20 now. So , anyone feeling the same? Is this normal ?",1.5764031620553318,3.679410877470353,3.421622134387352,88.55608537549406,80.5415019762846,7.210055335968379,22.37296442687747,8.238735603445708,1.234613407114625,964,31,209,20,25,323,137,253,0.17800000000000002,0.665,0.157,-0.8037,1,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,11,0,19,25,5,0,4,0,23,4,1,0,2,42,47,22,0,5,6,0,4,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,10,16,1,0,12,3,0,4,7,11,1,3,4,5,43,14,26,41,6,35,0,5,1,2,20,16,2,4,16,146,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594245749942111,0.0829399009393098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969702388622953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060762651679971885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554067900249166,0.0,0.0,0.1140048299234826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172716891863707,0.0,0.21543254568526424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170465783491326,0.0,0.0,0.10414206848120072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336432399323673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111670772970175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20160032939271255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18220737670967135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402161662779512,0.09215050471107428,0.15623258357756187,0.19124002544984706,0.056649181470272425,0.0,0.0,0.10989510826392834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19682234981247146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900253000640784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5383455551698348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478030304310919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048697530126113116,0.0,0.08801730906155864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996309133974786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857832783599848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390981349413092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870816950180475,0.09766306428748446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508849163765846,0.07580944604725567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382080490285816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512428252662878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398566716568827,0.0,0.10231781241194833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445666254032655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939451313633736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712277630405768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662214902597705,0.12773899778031927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978099621569516,0.0,0.058792539303622236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962229823736799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418922454552896 bpd,guccicolgate,2020/01/05,"intrusive thoughts ??? idk what to call it I feel like whatever it is, mine are getting worse and more frequent by the day. Embarrassing, disgusting, terrible things are constantly flashing behind my eyelids. It’s enough sometimes that I physically cringe or grit my teeth and if I get them while driving I tense up because the urge to swerve off the road to get them to stop is so intense. I have to fall asleep with earbuds in or with the tv on because if i’m alone with my thoughts it’s almost unbearable. I don’t know how to fix this, it’s like every other thing I think is something vile and i’m so full of shame and embarrassment because of it that it’s shattering me. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on the 21st to find me a new therapist and to discuss my anti-psychotics but in the meantime if anyone else is experiencing this (if it’s even a bpd thing and not just something else i’m dealing with to mention to psychiatrist) is there anything I can do to make it better?",5.2357137192704215,6.1905748711340225,5.861958762886598,79.61488104678827,68.32989690721651,9.06201427438541,33.47977795400476,9.265573868473778,2.944159080095163,791,36,153,15,13,257,112,194,0.115,0.84,0.046,-0.8440000000000001,0,1,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,1,6,9,2,3,9,0,12,2,2,2,0,30,24,17,0,4,9,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,18,11,0,1,6,1,0,2,2,6,0,0,2,2,19,3,26,22,3,16,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,7,8,108,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090290911586602,0.16642129562851748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235475271412763,0.16464086604005942,0.13223013978043954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29385642268895057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211290628412301,0.0,0.0,0.20237724881787186,0.0,0.16407744500134358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364350044955926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362859144603166,0.16565927459617058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26846355206358385,0.0,0.0,0.16603065427238994,0.0,0.10613098806691522,0.0,0.13538412063044486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124721075959801,0.11479346211037715,0.0,0.0,0.1468632633892836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518539862247173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830832449977187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700523924922538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725854691104078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519066352320876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24740646897152865,0.15892166508166095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433993224084936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18656777706811664,0.3202561062568221,0.10296051902435613,0.0,0.2551320293185825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375183685770495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lucilu14,2020/01/05,"Has anyone else been in a relationship and experienced all romantic feelings just being gone? I’ve been with this guy for 2 years now and I think I’ve been splitting on him over a long period. this is my longest relationship I’ve ever had (I’m 23) and he is really understanding of my bpd and I care about him a lot. in the last few months I have started to feel like I don’t see him as something romantic and more like I just enjoy his company. I have endometriosis so I’ve been using that as an excuse to get out of the sex, it’s awful I know. I feel like a terrible person and that I’m living this big lie but I also didn’t want to be irrational. I have a good friend with bpd as well and she seems to think it could just be a blip and my feelings will probably return, but it just doesn’t feel like it’s happening and I’m scared that I will never have a long lasting relationship because I start splitting over time. Has anyone else ever experienced this? Will I have to end the relationship? It’s weighing on me because i do care about him and I just don’t understand why my romantic feelings have just switched off like this.",2.2905375025546704,4.219166682403436,4.132851011649297,85.19393419170245,77.45493562231759,7.699897813202535,23.970774575924807,8.563005593585519,1.5895229511547102,899,30,188,19,21,304,113,233,0.048,0.77,0.182,0.9789,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,14,13,0,1,11,1,27,2,0,1,4,41,52,17,0,2,8,0,6,5,1,3,0,0,0,2,13,13,1,0,12,0,0,1,5,2,1,0,7,9,26,11,23,38,4,26,0,0,1,1,15,9,0,2,21,129,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270901343696302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446344664323379,0.21194247005509867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260939594650771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26052058051601085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108975604936024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825765249091106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279679618023044,0.0,0.09160393855813144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18710784452723894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31376902249687977,0.22166073184949697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990597409285015,0.0,0.054035344947612265,0.0,0.0,0.08674806516140257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240710740756656,0.09145847252048377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568397290146509,0.1686105175309431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526413931913479,0.0,0.0913262562954566,0.18305591411525332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792831973167807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255292642355737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976781146785611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090306806208252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115097482928778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625676607597558,0.0,0.0,0.4441593975975621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354656566812226,0.0,0.08241641254648106,0.09415432476770176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962169326884723,0.0,0.0,0.14640963326199855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325412532443038,0.0,0.0,0.060308006317422475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21533834882506545,0.0,0.08932607759504259,0.0,0.0,0.061002802402741724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299158388140773,0.0,0.093325064124276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666023721328681 bpd,ainm-usaideora,2020/01/05,"How do I support someone who constantly falls out with me for no reason and never explains? So I get that people with BPD pick up on small signs that may or may not be there and that rejection has a crippling affect on them but my brother, who is incredibly paranoid, rejects his whole family on a regular basis and expects us to know when he's 'forgiven' us when we haven't done anything wrong. He also never tells us why he fell out with us in the first place. It's very frustrating because if I am not able to learn what his sensitive areas are and how I have upset him how am I to avoid it in the future? I have tried to bring this up with him but he is very sensitive about his condition and will not talk to me about it. Perhaps he doesn't want to give away vulnerabilities? He isolates himself at least twice a year, sometimes for six months. I can see a time where we find his body 8 weeks after he's died, it really is that serious. I don't know how to help him.",5.6980676107811785,5.137618532663319,6.5267610781178655,80.49081772498862,67.19095477386935,9.849428962996805,30.653723161260853,9.339509955726095,2.397689447236181,764,25,161,13,11,254,123,199,0.17,0.789,0.042,-0.977,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,6,0,1,1,12,8,1,2,6,0,19,1,1,7,2,40,28,17,1,3,7,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,12,13,0,1,6,0,0,3,9,7,0,3,1,1,26,1,27,23,2,30,0,2,1,0,30,15,0,4,12,120,38,1,0.13198703766502154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554998633511446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861408597386916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240061666338832,0.0,0.0,0.08045807310120456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660784449810155,0.16623305351380288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263109846172864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698170703043844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506856445201346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442563256504467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063376127903246,0.1122681068122579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895777961588866,0.12661399331747478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846812917951602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507324828292145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535079423442993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20359308038007595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150319319903673,0.0,0.1378983623509792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845542760494676,0.13570465712972346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517658059964946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183218869944654,0.0,0.13053855515052062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14977732622510634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608618129501647,0.11536248848340268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696270307411457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896105347178549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.635056620702824,0.0,0.0,0.21780625774889595,0.07784937448105901,0.0,0.10587204027949698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909777222223278,0.1473588140241448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430710601441007,0.0,0.08499532489126209 bpd,thepassingsoap,2020/01/05,"Cognitive distortion [on cognitive distortion](https://www.instagram.com/p/B63Pn5jnLxm/?igshid=78o46l64vvtp) Idk how to explain this condition but in my case I find it really hard to move on following recent or further back traumatic events. 4-5 years ago I quit college due to suicide attempt and the thoughts of starting it over this september if my admissions get accepted that is, is scary. I'm scared to relive my college back then. It is scary to get back in society too after so long. And last year I had my first job as a cashier/waiter at a food chain and the work experience was so terrible I just don't haven't looked for a new job ever since as I don't ever want to have to go through those times. My ex once told me that it is unfair that I set my thinking about working on one bad experience and I should grow past it if I want to make money for myself but I just can't. I don't know how to move forward with my life no matter how much I want to. Or maybe I don't want to move forward at all anymore and my life will just be on standstill till the day I die. It sucks. My dad and I once fought about my life path and my wanting to pursue music some 5 years ago and to this day, the talk still makes me cry when I think about it that I can hardly or never discuss with him anymore about what to do with my life. That's also one of the reasons why my life is on this, stuck and I don't know how to get out of it. Some people really have life a lot harder on them and I should count my blessings but sometimes I wonder if everything is so hard then why am I put here to live at all?",4.8792201834862405,5.027901837920492,5.437264525993887,85.20121788990828,68.84709480122325,8.741834862385321,27.970795107033638,8.548686976883017,1.711074740061162,1259,38,272,18,20,406,164,327,0.205,0.77,0.025,-0.9961,2,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,1,5,24,7,2,1,9,0,24,7,0,7,5,58,50,33,2,10,12,2,3,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,19,14,1,0,10,0,1,9,9,5,0,3,6,4,39,2,46,40,6,53,1,0,1,0,9,16,1,10,31,189,58,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041838356680194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236055011411575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17947293803740386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087313553522989,0.0755509117655143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939315045697623,0.11671024050963237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390879165841833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16369711108906435,0.0,0.0,0.08132177815194495,0.17702272074735373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827013402045481,0.07696620578815426,0.10941441034824166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182350109865366,0.0,0.05142451764230368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431694477677771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17958412658044115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945600579487286,0.07375707493394082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38347194892135295,0.0,0.0,0.07989961276032624,0.08007607693880647,0.07598432546955239,0.0,0.0,0.07692682238609119,0.0,0.0,0.12079842668922648,0.0,0.0909040031903518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885126219512056,0.06651663658532002,0.0,0.06978734819044025,0.0873906487191606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19272642014185945,0.12262949509938526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637784676540124,0.06273067033906153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096207558638046,0.0,0.0962415741573792,0.0,0.0,0.1159335807020338,0.09303330094025256,0.08934268585032126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059093009111173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748498460049938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949164267822422,0.0,0.06404550824994802,0.0,0.07226116656284402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897553206351044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272814241435292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595783336095265,0.0,0.07183471300724363,0.05276233305261507,0.0,0.0,0.08646197050786229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668509849733239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632966637817438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981267542285465,0.13174782066439167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748074636428531 bpd,sillyspacewitch,2020/01/05,"I’m sorry my love I know it’s been a rough three years, dealing with my anxiety and depression, which got worse over a couple of years...not your fault at all, I honestly wouldn’t have survived without your love and support, but I’ve ruined our happiness. This condition has tainted my happiness which in turn tainted ours and I’m so sorry about that. I’m sorry when I split; it’s the ugliest side of me I’ve ever experienced and I want so desperately to show you I can work on it. My depression is a huge burden on us and on you and I don’t want to chase you away with my problems, but I want you there to tell me you love me and everything is gonna be okay when I’m down. I’ll start working on my coping when I’m low, but please be by my side to support me if I start to go down again. If there’s one feeling I’m absolutely sure about, it’s that I’m in love with you and I want you to be my forever. Please stay. (I hate this disease, it makes me hate myself and assures that I will ruin my own life every time)",0.3642942227516386,2.3559747762557137,2.67142346634902,92.86906491959499,84.34246575342465,6.000476474091721,20.93726424459004,7.255503002510835,0.5254366090927141,792,25,183,12,23,270,110,219,0.209,0.561,0.22899999999999998,0.316,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,3,9,0,3,11,22,2,0,4,1,12,5,0,1,4,31,40,19,0,8,6,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,12,12,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,10,0,2,2,3,38,12,26,32,2,26,0,5,0,4,18,15,0,2,9,119,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926595793637504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963216472327006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911299083495448,0.0,0.0,0.120300146736372,0.20100631073763034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555092605435264,0.09831462571183858,0.0,0.10487160017936116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05900093067609341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631644777274452,0.0,0.09332600863619106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24843297284310825,0.0,0.2304103738673992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412864248779758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242014587232417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212617018261989,0.0,0.0778901088609893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907077090856797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25617664403457946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165460356372636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3918678005016981,0.16518465501142973,0.12437382270936585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26483219256348073,0.10997700647858676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199040647421308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804167865200328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692297552043935,0.0,0.0,0.14036122948435628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753022911161893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248301420532934,0.0,0.16990042627207125,0.0,0.11891498408618364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514321031064441 bpd,ColonelChestnuts,2020/01/05,"Pretty sure I have irrevocably damaged my relationship. I have been in a long distance relationship with someone for 8 months. During the course of the relationship, I have done so many stupid things which have damaged the relationship that now I can feel the emotional distance between us increasing, even though my bpd is getting better. I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do. I really love this person, but I can feel them becoming more distant every day, and it hurts me.",6.295492424242423,7.638963624999999,6.8913636363636375,71.7778787878788,66.1590909090909,9.957575757575757,32.84848484848485,10.125756701596842,3.4619257575757576,381,16,66,9,6,125,65,88,0.13699999999999998,0.752,0.111,-0.5094,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,1,2,4,8,1,0,6,0,11,1,0,0,1,7,17,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,2,2,12,3,7,15,2,7,0,4,0,1,8,2,0,0,4,49,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781002323341585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238995290369222,0.0,0.0,0.20277177971677995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383061356845202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647572045318366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811014685219709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633788856768113,0.0,0.13564804960033747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281120154542916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411499038529184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235205834247005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848048003034396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247846914555273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530729230341224,0.0,0.0,0.16322705230437734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285073430941811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405775449994456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379319697922565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313966250876104,0.0,0.0,0.69140788301948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641337539604687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173903497765742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696014664063244,0.0,0.15818005668802618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19366118602601398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,turtlessf128,2020/01/05,"Just moved, been regressing a little bit into my symptoms. Advice requested. Also venting. Maybe triggering? I moved to the denver area in july and for the most part things have been good. I got in to see a therapist once didnt really care for him and havnt been back. I found a guy who specializes in mindfulness dbt and bpd treatment. I had an appointment for Thursday but he canceled...that really bummed me out, I had kinda put him on a pedestal after browsing his website. He canceled on me after I woke up in the middle of the day from my sleep before work so I'm extra tired... anyways, I'm working extra days so I can go to steamboat for a few days to snowboard so I'm a little stressed. Not to mention the people I'm meeting in steamboat I really look up to and they are very christian and they have in the past had ""talks"" with me. They own a summer camp and i got kicked out a couple times for smoking weed in my off time and some other things when i worked there. But I'm nervous. So I guess all that started this. Well I work nights at a casino doing surveillance and in the past my impulsivity has really shown itself and I've experienced trouble gambling. Ive been away from it for a while however. Usually I'll just smoke a little weed and relax and get rid of the urge/impulse. Well I got off work yesterday morning and lost $500 right before that trip. Now I'm here...felt the urge to punch my car roof earlier on my way to work, once or twice tonight at work I've thought about self mutilation. Not seriously just almost reminiscent of it. While I did reschedule it will be later on because of the trip. Do you guys have any dbt workbooks you'd recommend or other resources. Any videos about dbt or what not that may help me make it through till I can see the therapist whom I'm already not a huge fan of... thanks. I should add my previous state dbt wasnt recognized in that's part of the reason for the move. It was well planned and not the most impulsive move I've made ever I promise. Worked through it with my previous therapist. I havnt really been active on this sub much. Ima try and pop in more. Cheers nice to meet all of you. Jake. Diagnosed bpd 2015.",2.415927331584527,4.539025606407328,3.742115309482614,87.21750069766146,77.83295194508008,7.009410057487303,24.617346654015737,8.015777009494485,1.441912809064018,1718,61,348,30,41,562,226,437,0.051,0.858,0.091,0.9570000000000001,1,0,1,0,0,0,50.0,0,3,3,10,19,16,0,2,27,0,27,4,1,4,3,51,52,28,0,1,13,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,20,20,0,0,3,3,2,9,7,5,3,1,20,4,40,11,59,27,14,67,1,1,3,0,22,32,0,10,24,228,60,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468733161577516,0.0,0.0,0.07653444517691438,0.0,0.08434333177363783,0.06112171459832879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395118333882647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180928949971327,0.05877059765044908,0.0,0.04659153025003532,0.0,0.1300740297446708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344268113429391,0.0,0.19252393309499066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792633454513531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456926998061125,0.0,0.14787470520640406,0.0,0.0,0.07757569306320486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913606992192352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338559171276422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380247032492638,0.0,0.0,0.03993195898325391,0.0,0.04343740734050136,0.06410656179321447,0.18338617290623965,0.0,0.08419718641077792,0.15135709475186115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05122998050980845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298113403311701,0.0,0.0,0.0641826554382499,0.0,0.08343328978876065,0.0,0.0,0.07232070819422677,0.0510181787478266,0.0,0.0767850511098087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717335973996217,0.0,0.0,0.3249355458484293,0.05618546115247935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172516514395537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627926989069476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16553430172647715,0.14592376894003514,0.05298752045111952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683410386591003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448177639907727,0.0785836323693355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527151917662677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181096682342694,0.0,0.07973403436764746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648603676788211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05409814146499418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755126821942019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944090690935021,0.0,0.06143221350454504,0.0,0.07036724804775414,0.0,0.2662262861049274,0.10155450696558356,0.0,0.0,0.06067754902025119,0.08913487410745387,0.08784600637892047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05189152285286671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841777714541134,0.06306344693210622,0.0,0.06066724269724901,0.0,0.0,0.20616151059683066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4451404905519024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,alcohpendent,2020/01/05,"DAE go on an intoxicated rant? I was looking through my daylio and noticed an entry that I dont remember making. But its pretty much a rant... I will share if anyone wants to read it. Its quite the shit show...",0.8249999999999993,3.2163295952380966,2.8574285714285743,89.53757142857144,86.38095238095238,5.2647619047619045,20.304761904761907,6.742157984588678,0.3478133333333333,161,5,34,2,5,54,37,42,0.054000000000000006,0.737,0.21,0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,4,0,3,2,1,1,0,6,7,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,1,3,5,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,22,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21058957996606514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35297656209527994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116551993266824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529123688858853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010376223179243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22139934815708687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428913900854917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30640472952128833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32033823232665143,0.3012579575239945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34117421255837665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091533029308592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764167631172553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nymphlotus,2020/01/05,"DAE feel burnt out by world events but obligated to act? TL;DR - We aren't bad people. We care a lot. But if you care to the point of hurting yourself, that's no good at all. I had the concept of compassion fatigue drilled into my head early on because of the suicide rates in my career field (veterinary medicine). But it also taught me that compassion fatigue can happen to any empathetic person, regardless of whether or not that person is in a caregiving career. In light of that, and being a borderline person who is typically more empathetic, I've been taught very early on to recognize the signs and symptoms of compassion fatigue. It's basically just empathetic burn out. You care so much but you have nothing left in the emotional tank to care for others, and it puts you at risk for not being able to care for yourself. Maybe I'm just too cognizant of that because of my job. So it makes me wonder if anyone else feels the same way about current world events and issues. I do care about our planet going to shit. I do care about the people of the world who suffer. I do care about the pain and the damage and the generations worth of impact caused by the decisions made in this moment. But I can only do so much. And when I lose that ability to care because I have nothing left, it makes me seem apathetic. How do you all feel about it? And honestly I wonder, as someone with a mental illness that can make me much more empathetic, how do we reconcile the fact that we aren't bad people for caring for ourselves first?",5.320714285714288,6.4058421258503415,6.03687755102041,77.96347959183674,68.21768707482994,8.873197278911565,29.665986394557823,9.120678840339163,2.491581496598639,1211,44,223,22,20,396,145,294,0.134,0.624,0.242,0.9924,2,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,5,5,0,2,15,24,1,1,17,0,19,8,2,7,3,51,44,25,1,3,13,0,3,0,0,0,6,0,0,3,18,16,0,0,8,0,1,3,5,12,0,1,5,4,25,12,44,37,9,30,0,7,0,0,15,18,1,7,8,163,43,5,0.07587140088746405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060674331878122864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05159515434467218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05305104759845337,0.07773921627654924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669890118100047,0.13875150530434585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7735594976856961,0.07794082845067091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633808198359561,0.08534511398702307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508857990767568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453617483595381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0431194655814654,0.0636373313701713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709282923563513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786594621022408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812219038596677,0.0,0.0,0.07919003051771789,0.07529065823159728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486899812190514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488069044033472,0.0,0.06450315184755066,0.0,0.07179135401344537,0.15193424773039646,0.0,0.07622302000085815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764605269506273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16732262858267993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560131082903882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05770361927118025,0.08073251987576538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157799028825246,0.19874394227573072,0.0,0.0,0.07172299764267204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762717137134411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907047383741426,0.0,0.0,0.07788090270965431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428559175994633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299099814421866,0.0,0.0,0.07885943616262311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260185162805662,0.0,0.060223186501449325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455859561035568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aideeart,2020/01/05,"I'm bad again... i went to my exes funeral on Dec 27th and it affected me a lot, I was there until he got disconnected which was Nov 13th. I've been on and off crying and remembering him since then. He was the person i loved for years, My first love, the person i wanted to speand the rest of my life with.Our relationship was very toxic for the 5 years we were together, He cheated on me and so on, but i suspect he had BPD too, so i always understood him and his choices, he got really into drugs and very toxic behavior. He ended up dying from an overdose, I've shares part of this here before.. anyways, I've felt very alone through this process of grief. My friends hated him and I even had an attempt when my friends told me they wanted nothing to do with me if i stayed with him. I was on 5150 hold and taken to a psych ward. i stayed with him for a year after that but my friends said they didnt want to hear anything to do with him. When i finally broke it off. i didn't told them and now that he finally passed i told them and they said they were there for me etc etc. But honestly i don't believe them. I don't thi k they truely care specially how it affected me Ive pretty much been crying and being angry with grief but they don't care. Ive been alone like always... i feel sometimes they are just my friends because they feel.sorry for me. I feel lonely and sad i can't even make new friends. i only had them and him and now he is gone. i am lost.... my mind is getting worse and worse. Ive drank sleeping pills and some wine..I'm here crying in panic mode with a razor... i feel i need to cut. I feel i need to release the pain...",1.1355335968379452,3.0137772463768147,2.8866930171278007,92.98711462450596,80.8840579710145,5.920948616600791,20.59947299077734,6.980632752743323,0.3098405797101451,1270,35,287,15,33,421,167,345,0.19399999999999998,0.68,0.126,-0.9742,0,4,2,0,0,0,47.0,1,0,12,3,17,25,3,1,11,0,29,8,1,4,0,51,61,28,4,6,6,0,5,1,5,0,4,3,0,2,8,24,1,1,8,0,0,3,6,12,0,1,29,8,63,13,36,31,7,31,0,6,0,2,46,10,0,3,17,191,71,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18054666751570694,0.0,0.0,0.14505119287257248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172673122250213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277645868697143,0.05313302167270401,0.0,0.07416826839975171,0.09820149601716352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977723048324434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773451955928918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28722941943244035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904601828987042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108001101235338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719948002841896,0.0,0.19441688484640293,0.11513908807922615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22035811420936452,0.0,0.08368899269917313,0.19096297358262926,0.0,0.07413977892443267,0.0,0.0,0.3367049358482397,0.0,0.04553844080038881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942250085957186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860542281246885,0.0,0.0,0.09823767851820196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061564954007225975,0.04258285068310768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514739633536404,0.07410184179745144,0.15733384734668596,0.0,0.05818117547465836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800856665607555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407394882899971,0.12925873422682027,0.0,0.08418140545910231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363409377308348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629047331639404,0.09274629602414906,0.10226558723544467,0.0,0.0943877309245726,0.0,0.0,0.15221263609490068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867488149233782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05583807825232269,0.0,0.0,0.09357914922650414,0.09873732338963058,0.0,0.1658216551862037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210113813603322,0.0,0.08722474294014063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620524470194206,0.09757049428251854,0.0,0.1858057540122882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498604931806443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157528294059292,0.15423085622392188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079985788177296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776506325862794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838801622226532 bpd,ragcity123,2020/01/05,BPD and social problems Can BPD cause social /interpersonal issues or is that just something like autism/aspergers. This has been on my mind for a long time because even though I relate to most of the BPD criteria and have been diagnosed. I still feel like I could have something like autism which really worries me a lot. Now I’m fairly sure I can read social cues/ body language pretty well but sometimes when I’m in a very emotional state (either manic/happy or negative) I feel like I don’t even notice those cues at all. My parents suspected there was something I guess off with me socially when I was young like adhd or autism as I did not get along with well with other kids and got into fights with them. I also don’t really have any friends and don’t do any of the social things/ parties most 21 year olds do which also doesn’t help and makes me feel like a absolute weirdo lol. I’m sorry if this is too much for one post and I really hope I can learn more about this disorder.,5.696819727891152,6.057130076530616,5.951428571428572,81.48523809523812,67.11224489795919,9.186394557823132,27.55782312925169,9.075114841892004,2.0091986394557817,789,22,155,13,12,252,120,196,0.092,0.696,0.21100000000000002,0.9729,1,0,3,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,15,13,1,0,6,1,21,2,1,2,2,37,32,17,0,4,8,1,3,6,1,0,1,0,0,1,9,12,0,0,5,1,0,0,6,2,2,1,6,3,18,11,17,25,7,16,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,9,15,106,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565005719305665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539105884096093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087973642996767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058661065734264564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689011148010226,0.3635958842979569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885497208334736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683202234825644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976716756401952,0.0,0.0,0.11028820069871016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824607626511112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711834188546786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459707136816742,0.20624072424864728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434725055357366,0.0,0.050276332591862836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696411977224821,0.0,0.10600846677876667,0.0,0.0,0.10243888791927787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450110649131745,0.0,0.0,0.09557834887048956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100439377046948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820794290746041,0.0,0.0,0.08516074089920879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181151524727792,0.0,0.0,0.0642344374848355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716511787325413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074030434905196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095587746541464,0.10097745714172557,0.0,0.06520810620343058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685230183073993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216197666287493,0.09790075716458732,0.0,0.09207935073384332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625628882927216,0.0,0.18494268210519868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4904730941208584,0.0,0.2222482378631733,0.09517417543555326,0.10772188365435804,0.0,0.0,0.0768496000052004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069586948486394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393110053210166,0.0,0.09454572963771646,0.0,0.05611263121400467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940003228184986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17304509868488807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772648752214752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061969124394514664 bpd,question_23,2020/01/05,"Would I implode if I took an improv comedy class? Improv classes get recommended some times for improving social skills, thinking on your feet, and general communication skills. I'm finally seriously looking into it, but as a BPD I've had bad social experiences that led me to stop eating for 16-24 hours (until I forced myself to eat something small), so I'm wondering if this would be too intense. Does anyone have experience in this realm or general thoughts on this approach? My social/communication skills at age 34 are piss poor and I'm willing to do brave some intense failure to get better. Sorry for the super specific question, just thought I'd see if by chance anyone with BPD has had some experience in this activity.",8.928571428571429,8.68131087969925,9.386917293233083,61.60413533834589,60.50375939849625,12.111278195488724,39.30075187969925,11.491704259439757,4.830596992481203,589,27,93,15,7,198,95,133,0.172,0.6729999999999999,0.155,-0.6818,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,5,3,6,1,0,3,0,10,4,2,1,0,24,22,10,0,5,6,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,4,2,1,5,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,5,2,7,3,17,13,3,16,0,0,2,0,4,7,1,9,6,56,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001871714723032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952400472866805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266042603961418,0.0,0.0,0.3605840254419613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252712509937261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29295572316715096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4200835704807398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681347903767126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14957960065007245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097360101999182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020967933404805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036040468048135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407176254418458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377692192294714,0.0,0.11020361851842868,0.0,0.16024434865899814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967954359484305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172453580690586,0.0,0.2272897143533725,0.08347173049147638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904456336272782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523972328518193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033788532172591,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mxcuxs,2020/01/05,"It’s already not my year. Today while driving to my bfs house. I scratched my car trying to park. It’s badly scratched. I told my mom immediately when I came home. She decided to go to my dads room and whisper about it. This is one of the most annoying thing about my mom. She still treats me like a child. This car is a leased btw and my mom co signed it. I take full responsibility and willing to pay the damages using my savings. But I’m really getting tired of my moms behavior. I wanted to deal with like an adult but she always goes off and tells my dad secretively about it and I’m sure insults me. Growing up she always maximizes my mistake even the ones that are accidents.",1.313074817518249,3.7910464160583968,3.0807618613138668,88.22581432481755,84.83941605839415,6.0527372262773715,23.161040145985407,7.413659706084162,1.0718324817518243,537,20,111,9,16,178,87,137,0.134,0.805,0.06,-0.8603,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,6,10,2,0,6,0,4,1,0,1,1,19,13,9,0,2,3,6,2,2,0,1,1,1,2,2,9,7,0,0,2,0,1,6,1,5,0,2,2,3,22,5,14,10,2,15,0,1,0,0,17,4,0,1,7,71,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16641448967883452,0.0,0.2509597940087097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591392541535745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17247807333728693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547092486969127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960373732361437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878816779385728,0.0,0.08570462920461193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126736769787522,0.0,0.0,0.17400602711221386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473491285952334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7064730299174887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043755758711435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660804808655132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043120227668537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421297261515008,0.0,0.11338483571106245,0.0,0.1318081752396361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001865891225411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733254783093704,0.1429432925870895,0.1440984079660193,0.0,0.10238510991471747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024508304237858,0.0,0.0,0.0889473183943303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971119713617228 bpd,weirdesteye,2020/01/05,"I feel like I'm faking my disorder because I can't even get into a relationship One of the telltale songs of BPD is said to be jumping from relationship to relationship... I've had one (very very rocky) long term relationship.... And I cannot find another person to date me no matter how hard I try. I'll actually find someone I feel like I really connect with, but after a few weeks they start to distance themselves from me. Therefore I feel not only unwanted, but as though I must be faking the rest of my disorder as I am incapable of being charming etc.",8.526055045871558,6.631103256880735,9.47530275229358,65.95754128440366,62.30275229357797,12.756697247706425,39.23119266055046,11.602472056035307,4.553537981651376,441,19,81,11,5,153,72,109,0.156,0.737,0.107,-0.6653,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,4,0,9,0,0,2,1,16,16,7,0,2,3,0,4,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,5,1,0,1,4,2,0,2,2,6,14,3,15,10,4,8,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,8,55,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.13747405266014726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477201226244844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587632615018126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17742761379004673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32291078844777554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711329119409986,0.09304686209485506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136924800051851,0.2012828040692656,0.0,0.0,0.25751509647243104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736015733988255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619667276287408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764919285761829,0.0,0.0,0.12467028120117772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909216113232167,0.10714207714810037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300695095023867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024837791333867,0.0,0.0,0.6049897624369591,0.0,0.0,0.13400474973220758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193632551796534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971232143771376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840934890708712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564513801173097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324738899037169,0.0,0.0,0.11300173507499885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Onyxxe,2020/01/05,"Having an FP and a relationship? I don’t know if I’m even looking for a relationship rn, but I would like peoples’ experience in general... of course my #1 dream is my FP being in a relationship with me, but she’s already told me she just wants to be friends. I’m so consumed by her that I feel emotionally unavailable to fall in love. I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 3 years, partially because I was so invested in her. I feel I’m already in love with her, and I work with her so we see each other almost every day. What’s it like to manage a relationship/be in love with someone when you’re so attached to another person? Can you experience love to the fullest when you’ll always crave your FP’s company more? How can you love someone else when your FP is your golden standard?",3.561037735849056,4.893914616352203,5.3108333333333375,80.58625000000005,72.64779874213836,8.570440251572327,29.602201257861644,9.075114841892004,2.4520352201257865,620,26,126,13,12,212,91,159,0.021,0.731,0.248,0.9925,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,6,0,1,10,9,0,0,6,0,11,5,0,1,0,23,26,13,0,3,4,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,9,0,0,3,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,4,25,8,21,20,2,13,0,1,2,5,24,7,0,3,7,83,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424250546338829,0.0,0.26715992734988064,0.0,0.1007219991247481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692984381898725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379000553431854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806622975612615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112043908005867,0.13616320240164412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995135302974109,0.0,0.10198853153351556,0.0,0.0,0.2368172035216896,0.0,0.0,0.12241145679387826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352172452272864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652505697105784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827630684847007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165020282827328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5462547160390376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391974692299277,0.10569482881119506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5198428940748888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645993453965332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051279009047899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566697190170055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713975062089149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812470604930724,0.0,0.0,0.08598933877473737,0.0,0.0,0.07795122667464846 bpd,floopygoobr,2020/01/05,"Wishing I was different and feeling out of control in my daily life Looking back I don’t know if I ever had passions per se... just times when I would delve into something for a short time and then eventually lose interest. It’s difficult for me to live like this but I have and I do. I don’t feel as if I’m good at anything and it’s hard for me to find an identity that’s exclusive to me and not anyone else. I’m almost in my thirties and I still have no idea what I’m doing with my life and it’s hard to plan for the future when my past has been full of such negativity. I wish I knew who I was and could so called be unapologetically myself, but if the factors that build myself up are dependent of others, it’s easy to lose who I am - either when I feel hurt by them or if they have stopped being my friend and are no longer in my life. I wish I was so much more than I am up to this point in life...I wish I was naturally motivated and ambitious. But often times, as I’ve mentioned before, those feelings quickly subside - either due to dissociating or not loving myself enough to pursuing what I’d like to become. It’s exhausting and a mad way to live, especially for me, as I’ve gotten no help for the condition I’m in or are far too apathetic and miserable to try. Usually I don’t like myself and tend to be v pessimistic, and life has transformed into something more and more unpleasant as each day goes by. Shit sucks!",3.839358108108108,4.5077334087837855,5.609702702702704,81.20421621621622,71.33108108108108,8.757837837837839,27.63783783783784,8.982922981607832,2.0081748648648645,1123,38,238,21,20,387,153,296,0.19399999999999998,0.654,0.151,-0.9481,1,0,2,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,2,6,13,17,3,1,6,0,26,8,1,3,1,56,45,35,0,10,15,0,6,3,1,1,5,0,0,0,15,20,0,2,9,0,0,0,9,9,0,0,8,7,34,8,40,32,9,33,0,4,1,2,9,15,2,10,20,175,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939371599837257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638708322312551,0.11193505599294597,0.08989984355814333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400314464378075,0.0,0.0,0.12065321319318055,0.09295998315373206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155200063716987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252826120750075,0.08722374460391291,0.0,0.0,0.07045439242988016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413842957035727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126070414677824,0.0,0.0,0.11287993697751518,0.0,0.0,0.09881892500559766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209514880329526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998485248904507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440290123946208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163004968845533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19572524941744351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322504168597008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169497043042372,0.1233250166500584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600385401587969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858170893599544,0.16011568697292775,0.0,0.19293178208974346,0.0,0.09173881335134,0.2444358276872643,0.0,0.0,0.09859844455333636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030810658317651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428731337856108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032724298191342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213906729615536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168205243469789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872436996827089,0.09133423674902952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19110601274606293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417061037768957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031862519602905,0.0,0.0,0.08671409458429116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5025083233064314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760495975977166,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tippedthescaffold,2020/01/05,"Even my old psychiatrist stereotyped BPD. I recently started seeing a new psych (now I'm not seeing him obviously, lol) who insisted on telling me I had Bipolar disorder within minutes of talking. I've never in my life been diagnosed with it and don't have manic/hypomanic episodes so I was like ""well, honestly I have always related a lot to my BPD diagnosis, which I've had confirmed by numerous doctors."" He literally told me ""well I wouldn't say you have THAT, you really are not that bad off and you have no idea how extreme BPD is. If you truly had a personality disorder you would not be seeking help and talking to me rationally right now."" (???) I remember hearing in a psychology class I took that many mental health professionals refuse to treat people with BPD and being horrified so experiencing it myself was an eye-opener. The negative stigma even doctors have towards this disorder is unbelievable.",5.811426573426572,7.9532341333333365,7.381818181818186,64.74503496503499,68.27272727272727,10.895104895104897,35.722610722610725,10.891193690592663,4.769638694638696,732,38,115,24,13,252,110,165,0.141,0.755,0.10400000000000001,-0.7629,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,5,0,0,9,6,0,0,6,1,19,6,0,1,2,19,26,8,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,2,6,2,0,1,8,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,8,1,2,0,8,5,20,5,13,14,1,15,0,0,2,0,17,7,0,2,8,87,28,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971474163948156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748344423495152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5881826469248943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850130980971588,0.0,0.0,0.4014253719010279,0.2390022214764583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422782414176167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410242688889075,0.13158853052731248,0.0,0.07825672645930876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179933901522725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246572956517298,0.0570393644432047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925878358055168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836868992351204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765903959211635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004671031294223,0.11276027293371653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225120881168187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094146928098826,0.101943762380874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479462845135147,0.0,0.11527898909971937,0.0,0.13225780056105638,0.0997059801889022,0.0,0.0928462583777106,0.0,0.0,0.18607322149224256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263800642618803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18768244220177274,0.10204681379202404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156199817424983,0.1297163014127486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20994900226603505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293761216075514,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,limalimabeansbeans,2020/01/05,DAE fear going to therapy because they lie and manipulate? I lie and manipulate all of the people trying to help me. I make my symptoms seem easier to handle than they are. I also turn therapy sessions into talking about the random drama in my life and not the way I can actually fix my life? Do I need a new therapist? How do I actually get the most from therapy?,3.344583333333333,5.171328736111113,6.462222222222222,70.10500000000002,74.1388888888889,9.8,28.66666666666667,10.125756701596842,3.395566666666668,287,12,51,9,6,106,50,72,0.045,0.865,0.09,0.504,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,5,0,4,3,0,4,1,14,10,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,12,0,9,10,2,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,1,38,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.3594390581792275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472775486925177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122659338035996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20723804270095209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621917631388892,0.0,0.10466582812194757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344264225297676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601638993457661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293228935272782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655681573724787,0.0,0.17786874894827714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767757211360867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765788363749454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19141907442235748,0.0,0.148025720076121,0.0,0.0,0.6318298926603207,0.21383101500950946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503668023574938,0.200319811852291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618246312463856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,milady12,2020/01/05,"Is any of this normal?? 1. I have violent thoughts constantly. It’s like I’m looking for a fight. 2. Weird sexual fantasies (nothing too weird, haha), but I want to be degraded just to feel SOMETHING. 3. Consistent substance abuse just to escape the disassociation. 4. Self harm to heightened levels (stabbing myself in the leg 20 times). 5. Getting so drunk that I don’t remember self harming, blood everywhere. All over the toilet, the shower curtain, the floor. My wounds were wide open for days on my wrists. 6. Feeling so disconnected from reality that I’m losing my memory. I constantly feel loss. 7. Sociopathic tendencies, to the point where my closest friends and boyfriend are pointing it out. 8. Complete lack of empathy for most people. 9. Constant blood lust. 10. Constant urge to manipulate others just because I can. There’s much more. The more I read on here, the more I realize that my symptoms don’t fit the box. My empathy is lacking. I quit drinking since the last time I cut black out drunk. I feel like I’m losing it.",1.7236294544840405,4.455704031413614,3.1846309744975514,83.20432697179531,95.07329842931938,6.234149636885661,26.58013849011991,7.4822170145007005,2.1959530822496194,814,39,142,18,31,265,129,191,0.22899999999999998,0.69,0.081,-0.9877,1,0,2,0,2,0,42.0,0,0,0,4,9,15,3,0,11,1,9,10,4,1,1,22,20,4,0,4,4,0,4,2,1,0,2,0,2,2,8,4,3,0,7,5,0,0,2,11,0,0,2,6,17,4,18,17,8,23,0,3,2,1,4,15,0,1,10,82,25,1,0.0,0.15956182256825932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091580157175173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209352748630733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119883896803295,0.5821213235987789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868509513155725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192524292993718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27237261252876444,0.09620821097705046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040456387972866,0.0,0.07035946994617905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977395121961102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158583167103796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308880734519695,0.3013223652645495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989978795437486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194791917095142,0.12921941120243505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336315942492476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546131891887144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323802667490412,0.1347063541008962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15255475627833878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809801741572838,0.0,0.0,0.11140034161477526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367547648755952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997360120823635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691286617039103,0.15705421561085692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943180239618453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,modestthot,2020/01/05,"Please tell me I’m being dumb. Me and my ex/FP broke up last February. He unfollowed me on ig last week. I unfollowed him back a couple days later because I figured he unfollowed me because there’s really no future for us. We haven’t spoken since May other than once earlier this month when I saw him at the gym and awkwardly said hi and kept walking. Anyways, he watched my story today on Instagram and now I have a very strong urge to follow him again bc now I’m hopeful and I genuinely don’t think I’m ever going to get over this guy. He ended things with me because of my nParents and I took the break up pretty badly. Idk. Someone please tell me I’m being stupid and I shouldn’t try talking to him. 😭",1.4378995433789967,3.6317142054794544,3.4813424657534284,87.4392283105023,81.60273972602741,6.359086757990867,22.74703196347032,7.554174236665415,1.1246051141552509,558,19,112,9,15,189,95,146,0.127,0.774,0.099,-0.4767,4,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,0,1,8,7,2,1,4,0,7,0,0,0,1,16,20,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,4,9,0,1,2,1,0,4,4,5,0,0,4,3,22,2,13,12,0,26,0,1,2,0,16,6,1,2,15,66,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313351632081544,0.14456417236801805,0.31663252549418885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19157546009942825,0.0,0.1116605937100598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533501236375446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566145055738958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045819381723688,0.0,0.09839911469840837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714352333480494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719664971795804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28226344977025336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381982224013216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438781723595504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801101510411721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614502112434907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091753727517872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469522408198664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432227062086187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670045724687847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391628965197136,0.3026629453731988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502612829437152,0.11094074060576996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641159126780082,0.0,0.1923642512176539,0.11755029182677215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082653878954772,0.0,0.0,0.14285814296663513,0.0,0.0,0.13888198826550385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RyukanoHi,2020/01/05,"I'm a funhouse mirror I was thinking back at past relationships, and I remember going back and reading some texts with my ex-fiancee and thinking 'why the fuck was I like that?' It didn't feel like me... Like, I can be nitpicky, but it was absolutely shitty behaviour, and not at all how I feel in my head. Sure, some of that is time, but the more I thought about my relationships, the more I realize, I'm a reflection of the people I'm with, but exaggerated by the intensity of my emotions. When I'm in a shitty, toxic relationship, it eats at me, and makes me the worst of me, but then blown out of proportion until I become the worst parts of myself. I still struggle with those no matter what, I'm not saying I'm all sunshine and rainbows when things are good, but when a relationship feels good and feels right and I feel fulfilled, I'm the part of me I want to be. I'm happy and cheerful and romantic to the extreme. I reflect what the world around me gives me, and I distort it. If only I could find the thing that makes me feel like the best me. So I can be the 'fun' part of funhouse mirror, because I feel more and more like the distorted, twisted part.",7.402261072261072,5.523662769230771,7.935423465423465,76.05856643356645,64.47008547008548,10.902253302253303,35.375291375291376,9.573946990214177,3.041415384615385,904,33,188,14,11,302,109,234,0.14300000000000002,0.6629999999999999,0.19399999999999998,0.8928,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,1,10,17,1,1,18,0,12,3,1,3,3,51,36,25,0,3,8,0,7,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,12,17,1,0,15,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,5,9,30,13,23,27,15,20,0,0,1,1,6,9,1,3,15,140,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251765497877913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598279172169685,0.0,0.0633533394037012,0.11477993979853116,0.0,0.0,0.1090656716284725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297778309981588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063439459273744,0.0,0.1169046338129657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.367842647463286,0.2227378319613052,0.0,0.0,0.09498800216408852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607945077728308,0.0,0.09969688538041616,0.059064486512707286,0.17433918763751194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063293094412584,0.0,0.0,0.1066597664816576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25386903541098355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874504557477174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904167169553299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4501741301027235,0.09921071502817094,0.07205035656234512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395578838554193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4463176695333321,0.11772978391947585,0.08875365727634353,0.0,0.08264744983032997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299676678605397,0.0,0.0,0.10864775961533801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979505934654736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808984408193542,0.13318530145932805,0.0,0.08250695644970314,0.06060105669132239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612992289494754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377855192143357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CadavericCatapult,2020/01/05,"Losing my FP slowly I’m losing my FP slowly. I can feel it happening and it’s killing me. I’m using really bad coping skills and just need someone to talk to right now and potentially someone to give me some coping skills or perspective or just a listening ear. (Tw: most things). Thank you, you’re all the best.",1.6866359447004626,4.1884280322580665,3.4707373271889423,85.95467741935484,83.19354838709677,6.768663594470048,20.147465437788018,7.957251820313856,1.0991400921658987,246,7,48,5,7,82,43,62,0.19,0.711,0.099,-0.7517,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,5,3,6,1,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,1,13,10,5,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,6,2,3,10,4,2,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,4,1,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20115765334958868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528300688244882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181609809170856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23111186146803503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130442483687287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266541644188467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5390544146638911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863869801527002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15433915020653174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20574386919875653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.408260487252265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364190475890192,0.0,0.22180623433992191,0.0,0.0,0.16005615819306146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20807702705400405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,olive666_666,2020/01/05,"How do I not hate myself? I just tried to write down some of my experiences about (what I think to be) sex addiction+BPD and now I feel so horrible and strange. I’ve cheated so many times on the one I love and I feel worthless. How could anyone accept or love me knowing all the horrible things I’ve done? When I feel bad for myself and sad like I do right now, I hate myself even more because I don’t deserve to feel sad. I did all of these things myself. No one should feel bad for me. I don’t know how to handle all these feelings.",1.155194805194803,3.1327490000000004,2.4987662337662364,95.2825974025974,81.32142857142857,5.501298701298702,20.003246753246753,6.574015621080383,0.01865000000000005,416,11,95,4,11,134,63,112,0.249,0.604,0.147,-0.9261,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,11,12,3,0,2,0,9,3,0,3,3,27,22,11,0,2,3,0,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,10,0,0,0,4,8,0,2,2,6,19,4,11,17,5,7,0,3,0,3,3,3,0,2,5,70,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229110668648775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29206112872007084,0.10661476638197563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22027495168873504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963994705485533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789789748815727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155169289318502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710815078944206,0.0,0.0,0.5305949812872781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3453464959779688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19223615328822055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544518144335818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31570030935134435,0.0,0.0,0.17731674057830438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23702764080636135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935993153836005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323858001028889,0.11206607208277404,0.0,0.0,0.10198306138963746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874266752934436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Max112001,2020/01/05,"I've sent a stranger randomly nudes (without face) and now I'm afraid I'll get blackmailed I (guy) have sent a girl me jerking off on a pic of someone she has sent me. It was totally random and I dont know why I've done this I totally regret it and now I'm in panic that I'll get blackmailed and that shell sent it to somebody I know She knows my name and she has some videos of me jerking of with my monitor in the background She doesn't know my Email address, my full name or my looking We've used kik I don't know her name or how she looks like (I'm not even 100% sure if it's a girl) Can somebody help me claiming down?",0.1542236024844712,1.99010446376812,2.020952380952384,98.13000000000002,84.07246376811594,5.102277432712215,22.175983436853,6.1826913282559595,0.11195486542443067,488,17,119,4,14,161,78,138,0.067,0.892,0.040999999999999995,-0.4862,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,2,2,5,0,9,2,2,2,3,28,26,9,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,7,6,0,0,5,1,0,4,5,5,0,0,6,2,20,2,11,20,4,12,0,1,2,1,18,6,0,6,3,69,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22090142405623436,0.25298825821973336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257459078941115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255576162922445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21373698142048475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446875207316581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5931596161582527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545910362974414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.362538857009976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532671483710148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18289888427599266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20344706021645456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864351671540888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19478157328875104,0.0,0.0,0.20808293748944404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Xayton,2020/01/05,"FP dating people My favorite person is my ex. Yes I realize how that can be a problem. She knows she is my FP and does a good job of being one most of the time. We hang out constantly. Unfortunately she has been trying to date lately and has had a couple very good dates with a guy lately. She told me about this and it had wreaking havoc with me. I feel like she is going to replace me as a friend, that she won't be OK being my favorite person anymore. That she won't be there for me anymore. Won't want to hang out. That she just generally won't want to be my friend anymore. I don't know how handle this. I feel like my favorite person is about to abandon me. Edit. I decided to confess how I was feeling to her about the situation and I was met with nothing but anger. She told me I was one of the worst mistakes of her life. Fuck me.",0.8098870056497205,2.8162127288135608,3.0450000000000017,90.74569209039551,82.72881355932203,5.289265536723164,21.132768361581928,6.42735559955562,0.2672124293785312,651,20,142,6,18,222,87,177,0.136,0.732,0.132,-0.5914,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,0,8,13,2,0,8,2,24,2,0,3,0,30,36,9,0,4,2,1,3,2,2,4,1,0,0,4,7,10,0,1,8,0,0,3,5,6,0,2,9,3,33,7,21,17,2,12,1,1,0,1,23,2,1,1,9,107,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155823998825528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094711627049098,0.0,0.0,0.15455598530338402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223706214141593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21188294645231434,0.19957835481784408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21583664435967384,0.12913418355394204,0.0,0.0,0.07938476106125551,0.23431804069336534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830759634909215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861328829708736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353165412363293,0.0,0.3151357982764121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866185247330686,0.13648358874747182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402908772757602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18930489995532426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683823017490348,0.3658960090802373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336572497922381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157008937623733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144996578384238,0.0,0.0,0.26694515318139184,0.0,0.09483522141383766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525265831730548,0.1647766680354148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,redblood232323,2020/01/05,"im a 17 yr old preacher and highly successful poet.... And bpd helped Ok. So this is my first post ever on reddit and I think its time to tell my story. So last year I broke my left tibia pretty early on because I'd work out from the time I'd wake up till I fell asleep. 3 miles a day at my pace really put me in shape until it broke my tibia. I didn't even know it at first I thought it was sprained for a month. But I got my cast on after that month and also around this time met someone who would become very important to me. She was easy to connect with and very enjoyable to talk to. Our phone calls would last 7-12 hours every day it was great. Few months went by and I finally met her parents. But after a few weeks she then left. At that time I tore my right gluten maximus hopping on one foot the whole duration of being in my cast. So she was sort of like my mental wheel chair while I was in my literall one. I was devastated but nonetheless I recovered. School started and fast forward to october i performed a poem I made in front of 500+ people. It was an amazing feeling, I won first place and got an standing ovation. Along with this I found amplifying my already Christian roots to the max helped over come BPD's cycles. I am now thankful to it tho cause wow I love how interesting bad times are, and good times can be boring because there's no moral abstract being taken from it. I find that I am BPD free do to these events as well Surging into this new year I plan to take it to 1000%😎",2.490000000000002,3.86487363057325,3.851712101910832,89.81844713375797,75.43312101910828,6.680050955414014,23.388025477707014,7.24861992348623,0.7541402802547772,1176,34,257,13,25,387,191,314,0.052000000000000005,0.7709999999999999,0.177,0.9915,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,0,8,12,18,0,0,10,1,19,4,3,4,1,33,37,23,0,2,3,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,18,16,0,0,6,0,1,6,2,4,1,5,18,1,38,15,42,14,3,66,2,2,0,1,16,24,0,1,37,161,56,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909223929571003,0.07905669096663649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880045613946328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254228407985442,0.12052581420025968,0.10918087213936632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735244957310532,0.0,0.1009450506631492,0.0,0.0,0.1015543772428426,0.0,0.0851573963692175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751043769099152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529476350181533,0.08942270272330882,0.08329211194088404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049985565086657836,0.0,0.0,0.10829408505564556,0.09035440284473747,0.252265642104966,0.0,0.10839267259200183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291738341971047,0.1581315150627789,0.10899127205553992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252484044357865,0.1044488836515198,0.0,0.0,0.09735519697125107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067835826186004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05432976050141623,0.1611648963547094,0.0,0.0,0.21481896925843288,0.0,0.0,0.04829701556561639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892231867101793,0.09354181105311482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962559229204217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367224896582552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954776532001078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373482040890916,0.0,0.13397745155582466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977008784379602,0.0,0.0,0.06853567601827427,0.0,0.10328554835217264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946786180625942,0.10057410584335444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937957475413793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333095345296696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844241748514457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004955363316258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376204572935568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997218713141871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432889800502271,0.07945829972770499,0.08640623194605207,0.09101514608420458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334420193544979,0.0,0.07848219365295905,0.34586929913394665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631363736493976,0.0,0.0,0.07929790861184584,0.0,0.0888851964727346,0.09164233796502573,0.0,0.11037140435556116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196978690299399,0.0,0.0,0.14045174537284846,0.0,0.0,0.1273225959916954 bpd,Forlornfiori,2020/01/05,"DAE feel that therapy is hopeless Hey I’ve been in therapy for 5 months now, and it’s the first time I’ve gone consistently, plus 1 month in a partial hospital program. I’m starting to feel discouraged, and it’s because I have a hard time exploring my feelings with words. I feel like I’m just scratching the surface, and not sure how to get deeper. I’m tempted to just abandon ship, instead of finding ways to be understood. But I also want to end feeling misunderstood, severely angry all the time, and stuck in a hell-hole circle of formative pain. I’d like to focus on the happy moments of my life, and everyday is a battle for sanity, and for a quiet mind. I had to stop drinking and smoking -especially smoking- because the negative thoughts get so loud. I just want to be contented , and not be consistently in a time loop. Like scary childhood, ok adulthood, scary childhood, ok adulthood. And it keeps looping and looping around.",4.742615012106533,6.640704056497178,5.674047619047617,76.90080508474577,70.5819209039548,8.672962066182405,35.241727199354315,9.23628265651192,3.5358913640032283,746,40,129,16,14,245,105,177,0.212,0.674,0.115,-0.9626,0,0,1,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,1,9,12,1,0,11,2,8,3,0,1,2,39,26,15,0,2,6,0,7,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,13,1,4,9,1,0,2,3,5,0,1,6,9,7,7,22,17,1,25,0,3,0,0,1,7,0,0,18,76,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492882604642985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906864058353074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19046014059307115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303581832563984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836427288567174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949468343026736,0.11160337452884564,0.0,0.0,0.14278196238042595,0.13288038467366953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323667587847734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629876009827768,0.1399421535264644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885523432525412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034258382716862,0.2289631421091837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773734911938966,0.0,0.2493861250721505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16622875966906264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648377843908164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057309744874534,0.0,0.0,0.13060665212483327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14723520479110658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35730165007879794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402098037154775,0.36437181958063053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18428483602999884,0.12399991491482786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AnnonymousPoster123,2020/01/05,"How do you deal with BPD in relationships? Hi guys, male in a 12 month relationship here. I've been told by two councellors i should seek help for a variety of things, including BDP but never officially seeked specific help and been diagnosed. I'll be seeking help soon but needed some quicker advice if anyone has any: We argue alot. over random shit, like who picks what movie, the fact she's being too quiet and moody, maybe she didn't show enough affection in the day or week, the fact i hate venus fly traps and didn't want one in her room when i stayed over ( Lol ik ) I NEVER become controlling, i want to stress that. Never have i told her or suggested she can't or should do something. Fuck that. But what does happen is the Surge of adrenaline many people here are probably used to, and this causes a sudden fight-or-flight response. I either become hostile and impulsive, or want to break up. Usually i become hostile because i'd obviously not want to break up. How do you guys control this shit? and how do you see everything for what it is. I want to be able to admit YES this is my BPD messing up and i'm going to take a step back and admit i'm wrong, but i also don't want to do that in every single arguement even the ones where i'm right and become a stupid push-over. if that makes sense. a TLDR would be: How do you control your sudden adrenaline and intense emotional responses to stupid relationship stuff as simple as them seeming distant or withdrawn from you? even though they're maybe just tired or relaxed. Is there any way to identify that BPD is clouding your view of an arguement and whats right and wrong, so you can admit when you're wrong, but also know when you're right? weird concept but i don't fancy suddenly telling every stranger that i'm wrong over and over just because i'm afraid it's my fault.",4.243814200941273,5.674240745856356,4.8615408225905465,84.08780744833234,71.09944751381217,8.125393902189483,25.838346633926744,8.626192665926032,1.7228234908942088,1458,45,287,25,27,467,192,362,0.20800000000000002,0.706,0.086,-0.9944,0,0,1,0,1,0,37.0,1,8,1,3,22,21,9,2,13,2,29,5,2,12,6,69,56,40,0,12,18,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,1,3,18,15,0,3,5,2,0,2,9,19,0,3,6,3,28,2,32,43,5,38,0,0,2,1,35,17,3,12,16,180,46,0,0.07806588461720894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628507894734109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485851944790942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617495706590456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054585481646579184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060027846551154285,0.0,0.09517647736261238,0.3448705449385891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949637465485895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019516773948315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626725830253123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05034603734860023,0.08048249917885192,0.0,0.07923522961250545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831598170523248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781361281355114,0.0,0.08066292713592968,0.0,0.10312356106554747,0.0,0.1315477494879872,0.0,0.07016058337664886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721706523917039,0.0,0.0,0.04436664125697682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459499854386485,0.06903340395045472,0.0,0.0,0.07707389902948164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697775070207626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042902968586359926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03813904796382385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05210958417351563,0.07914655407675468,0.1568553477320956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062311444309473135,0.0,0.0,0.057884864274428176,0.18062766847776449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579892755518897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054121054982016976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416822724205981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25144063421141105,0.0,0.2000035167550489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062208402815761975,0.07106824940592918,0.0,0.0,0.16026701744531774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06009893193237487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320784600548435,0.0,0.0,0.08942420707192092,0.0,0.08936676078744703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058695829812927536,0.0,0.06823302404858876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051863504919297004,0.0,0.07669933527426226,0.0,0.0,0.08972525041193394,0.0,0.14919059638346446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625902585432316,0.0,0.0,0.06742385946307099,0.08597854284075065,0.0,0.2762716881873393,0.06196506554131107,0.06261974377835475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05545576461241407,0.34141115936416777,0.0,0.0 bpd,pondmonstr,2020/01/05,"Things haven't been going well for me In Oct was fired from a place I had worked for two years, after a rage episode where I cussed out this coworker kept telling me I had a nasty attitude, my partner also worked there and witnessed the whole event. (This is the second time I've been fired for my outbursts). My partner and I had only been together for three months, but I had very early on declared my love and centered my life around being with him. We disagreed on lifestyle choices, fought very often, but made up for it in passion. He found out I had been talking to someone I perviously had casual sex with and he was very upset but didn't break it off. (The casual sex guy came into my DMs begging to get back with me and It was a real ego boost and I live for attention, I was firm that I was happy with my SO) Once I lost my job I was severely depressed, and he kept pushing me to get a hobby, take a new job in another city etc. He was always complaining he was my only friend, and he was afraid to leave me because I seemed to ""only have a breakdown when he was gone"", he was saying how I was bland and we didn't have anything in common, he had tried to suggest we take a break. Of course I freaked out and begged him to stay, how could he leave me? I finally found another job in Nov and he DID break up with me a week after I started it. I felt pressured by my family to move cities for a new job. Now I'm isolated, alone, and in a terrible cubical job. I kept texting him about how I thought about him still, and Happy Holidays. He had promised we could talk again after a month. I told him I was going to unfollow/block him for my mental health bc I was still heart broken, he was annoyed reminding I had asked originally to stay friends, & why was I making such a big deal when we were barely together. He dismissed my importance, and that was so unbelievably painful. I've tried going on some dates but they hadn't been going well. I recently met a new guy, who is very sweet and soft but completely different from my EX, a hotheaded rocker type. I'm worried about my dependency issues, as well as lacking that argumentative passion which is almost a necessity for attraction to me. I only like guys who treat me like dirt. I still think about my EX. I had a nightmare with him in it this week, I woke up so upset. I was so afraid of all The Draft memes I texted him, which he either ignored or blocked me. I finally heard back in Dec from a cool job opportunity in my old city, AND just got off a six month waiting list for DBT in my old city. I spent all my resources to move. I had to leave my entire care team. My therapist, & my pysch. I feel so stupid. I've been so full of regret, miserable, having random crying spells, and suicidal.",3.7181720430107528,4.765196005376347,4.843689964157709,85.18220161290326,71.92114695340501,8.160645161290322,26.85322580645161,8.548686976883017,1.7305582795698924,2153,72,452,36,40,709,252,558,0.18,0.6940000000000001,0.126,-0.9788,7,1,0,0,0,0,67.0,5,0,1,5,33,39,4,6,23,1,50,9,1,7,2,74,87,37,1,4,8,2,5,2,4,0,3,2,0,5,16,34,0,6,8,4,1,9,4,18,3,4,58,9,81,21,68,26,8,75,0,4,0,5,54,28,0,7,35,300,97,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889750098814572,0.07126043551989238,0.0,0.05502272058288536,0.05725063397185212,0.14909871626171736,0.0,0.0,0.14429447571994605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566200215785107,0.061250355060772615,0.06432267032992017,0.0,0.0,0.1058124168885228,0.0,0.0419424220561188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869371334007855,0.07015050150184535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213992965302876,0.0,0.0,0.10986916341935514,0.0,0.07557821957989846,0.0,0.07093414344029235,0.05926098539810079,0.0,0.0,0.07188577965690535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673490780642718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486250781917538,0.0,0.034789487737369416,0.0,0.06606285399807058,0.1507433491065461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15088058112067568,0.10631596008009664,0.0,0.07189474431147239,0.0,0.15641212571656027,0.0,0.055029030827507916,0.0,0.0,0.20438102532377267,0.0,0.14648677170418845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313568266148546,0.0,0.08153334784541319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718137437570637,0.40966550982713773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21856124583570868,0.0,0.0,0.04859846482555984,0.06722854599557336,0.0,0.06075539863446345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510794848486467,0.0,0.06209850693018039,0.06510422924942177,0.045927360060774816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933848432769425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16475664798123166,0.14625602262763016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19935467206018853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439693764779496,0.07327426303200989,0.0,0.2093148797192872,0.07321255538502533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188577965690535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831428076033826,0.0,0.0,0.06793587986705707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054715887990635086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263678997104626,0.0,0.07772919938314705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058297603672309226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04869999052616838,0.14667231619620735,0.16484144898748154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526066394858134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346444143203813,0.110604473080052,0.06013793265131751,0.0,0.0,0.07988701805043516,0.045710475380322316,0.0440869745624822,0.0,0.054622875803403866,0.040120301798104316,0.0,0.0,0.06574539354381906,0.0,0.09342711608524684,0.0,0.06721173837490525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270827932326215,0.0,0.0,0.11038121163452502,0.0,0.18558980661882696,0.0,0.06208511881965024,0.07681746943797077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018060272328952,0.06987403884348006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04430767046710299 bpd,goneoverwolf,2020/01/05,All or nothing thinking wasting my life I have logged 3073 hours on the sims and 248 hours on planet zoo in my lifetime. That is 128 days and 10 days. I have no saves and no zoo's. I spend alot of time building things and they are never good enough so I delete it and start over. I know I should get off of them if I waste time like that but they are my favorite hobbies and I like building. I just wish I had something to show for it. Does anyone else do stuff like this?,0.022366666666666646,2.227775570000002,0.8760000000000012,103.62466666666668,88.3,3.333333333333334,17.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.1919666666666666,367,9,88,0,12,112,69,100,0.066,0.765,0.16899999999999998,0.9123,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,3,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,0,2,18,13,10,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,16,5,9,11,3,13,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,3,11,58,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260982404080178,0.22362929016655053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815144125930057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19099748930883584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18232506615023014,0.0,0.0,0.22551701927872786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402986698605322,0.0,0.0,0.18306296260794608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4298768255294661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994791085997047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416082309929513,0.31988689427682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833265227170788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094227299139848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802430152807188,0.0,0.0,0.1544828761852871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498511550593492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499973474850142,0.13984977325735204,0.0,0.0,0.2545339146159599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509838822318597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sweet-t-throwaway,2020/01/05,"I should not be living right now When i was 11 i was three inches away from being decimated by a lorry going at a high speed. I always tell people that it ran a red light but the truth is that I didn’t know how the lights worked. I always end up coming back to it and believing i either died then, or else I don’t deserve to be alive right now. I have 18 days till my therapy starts yeah boiii",0.30363398692810506,2.303063494117648,2.5309803921568634,93.7383006535948,84.64705882352942,5.189542483660131,14.150326797385619,6.42735559955562,-0.6955359477124183,307,4,70,3,9,104,65,85,0.06,0.8270000000000001,0.113,0.5023,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,5,1,10,0,0,1,1,10,15,7,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,4,3,10,1,8,7,1,20,0,0,1,0,1,7,0,1,10,49,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895312674923115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199171959109007,0.1799859757329327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637176051824115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016312444739087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095628407646478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429285068553303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955360951257968,0.0,0.20731722855692292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330278141799576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473086225329831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286391750914287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20668878050083167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227520139895327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.399790321563498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165676497537554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20458817225982528,0.0,0.26768032783418994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040631015602806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Stizeff,2020/01/05,Are you the jealous type? Wondering if this is a pretty common thing for all who have BPD or if I'm just losing my mind.,2.09846153846154,3.1811742307692303,4.003076923076924,89.51692307692308,75.92307692307692,6.7384615384615385,20.69230769230769,7.1686216300943375,0.3993692307692309,94,2,21,1,2,32,25,26,0.188,0.705,0.107,-0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,5,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,5,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,16,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4936307816231691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4384771166269245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957445214889467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.398740712156022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26038544842132644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4250388288849096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aMayzC,2020/01/05,"Question about attachment/relationship. I just want to see if anyone can relate to this. I have been seeing my GF for about 3 months. We have had a few fights(she deals with some emotional problems as well) but when not arguing we are a very good couple with good chemistry. Now here is the question: Even though I am happy I go back and forth if I want to date her. I will take a tiny issue and make myself believe it just wont work. Almost like a subconscious defense mechanism. Now when she gets upset or we talk about breaking up, I panic like hell inside and can't let her go. I have never been able to end a relationship even when I wasn't happy. Can anyone relate? Is my BPD making me unhappy in the relationship or is the BPD keeping me attached? I'm just so confused inside",3.310764267990073,5.161217148387099,4.590322580645164,83.38856079404471,74.29032258064517,7.091811414392061,24.826302729528532,7.882392219407189,1.4262158808933003,618,20,118,9,13,204,100,155,0.166,0.6779999999999999,0.156,-0.568,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,3,0,0,1,18,14,3,3,8,0,18,0,0,2,1,30,30,14,0,5,9,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,2,2,0,0,2,5,7,1,0,4,2,20,7,13,23,2,15,1,0,2,0,14,2,1,9,12,88,22,1,0.12924485333345578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942005123307218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807420130865456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938131440474164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561469096674332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255587366858181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300697193707007,0.0,0.0,0.13324576866432733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538306411846388,0.11447257814857265,0.0,0.0,0.17073001337901028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752510148212999,0.0,0.1469056571964336,0.21680890199113925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751670993434918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489804801304794,0.0,0.11487876408507496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216161914017938,0.0,0.12628501385803634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254388640563095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316200886293864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996815985832327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164098802750536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366986974140855,0.0,0.0,0.28956762961540083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41628181183206825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20598282943838755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971760449863013,0.1038821174014002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698241218815762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664053961613064,0.15246392622951066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162066448296733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409179252552978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throw765977346,2020/01/05,"A couple little coping strategies I discovered So just wanted to share some tips as someone who already conquered this shit into remission once. Helps me personally, maybe will help you too. 1) When I freak out I imagine myself as the person it's directed at. Usually it's someone I emotionally depend on. And from ""their"" POV it becomes very obvious that the problem is really not them. That it's much bigger because the reaction is obviously out of proportion. And I would tell me, damn, you're obviously struggling with *yourself* and I'm a mere excuse for your traumas to manifest. We all know that the root cause is childhood trauma but it's a quick way to remind yourself of that in the way that will also allow you to *feel* it not just know it. 2) If I freak out big time, I don't suppress it, but also don't act on it. Just feel it. Then when the anger passes you will feel like crying because that's what anger was for -- to keep you from feeling scared. Allow yourself to grieve and cry a little, say ""yes, I do feel this way"", and then just... Stop. Pause. Look at yourself, remember that the other person is not *the* problem. It's not really them you cry about. They feel like they can give you life, but in reality they're an ordinary person like you, like someone else, who sleeps, eats, has their own struggles and problems. You can imagine them doing mundane activities and just living their ordinary life. Breathe deeply for a couple of minutes, feel your emotions but again don't act on them. I don't know why but I feel very ""firm"" when I do that. It's like I'm becoming my own anchor, my own parent who knows what to do. It's not an all time cure though, you'll have to do it regularly. So in essence -- let go of anger, allow grief, observe it, observe the situation overall, feel the firmness",3.4478632478632463,5.424296621082622,4.504623931623937,83.60565384615388,74.24216524216523,7.187122507122508,26.7997150997151,8.021203637495839,1.737108945868946,1418,53,270,22,30,462,168,351,0.18100000000000002,0.738,0.081,-0.9922,1,0,0,0,0,0,63.0,1,11,9,1,17,23,5,3,17,1,24,6,3,6,5,65,44,25,2,6,16,1,9,5,0,5,2,1,0,4,31,13,1,3,16,0,0,4,9,17,0,0,1,11,37,6,33,37,7,35,0,2,1,0,36,16,2,3,17,184,68,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400239258858242,0.13624283723530164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385445359500366,0.18815753113635328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750718199847321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18850841081267275,0.28071106698314113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871642481783593,0.07116009730519755,0.19164051937347826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876431970812639,0.1217105841144535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171602044786555,0.0484118913965908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141937516320321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571523597930223,0.0,0.0,0.18725905743136104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710616152864246,0.12033561159776207,0.2080824010656494,0.17075300347471062,0.07521881687812941,0.0,0.07153290066933121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557853202586714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261986177165349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071791967073337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458647983203937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975166789735215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24452804952008134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914179024885316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649658957125712,0.0,0.0,0.06774154151886701,0.08528379983246033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743990105176308,0.0,0.09575011041059933,0.08524527434006887,0.0,0.21652775919276548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121743399989246,0.0,0.17810511356427455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445435706453872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369260742505231,0.0,0.09934266589883088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938178721786608,0.1405710391524742,0.050243586117663074,0.2028447007737044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686508998894365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051209597275772,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MutedIncome,2020/01/05,"Does anybody else enjoy being yelled at? My manager was such a huge asshole, but I found him sexually attractive, cute, and I know he had a tender heart. Every time he yelled at me, it would put me in a state of being where it hurt so good. It hurt so good to have somebody in authority telling me what I'm doing wrong. I was so pissed off at him, cursing him under my breath, but in the back of my mind I would think, ""Maybe he likes me because of the attention he pays to me, regardless of it being negative or not. Maybe I can find a way to get under his skin and connect with him,"" taking onto myself a quest of finding the key to his heart. Other times I would be thinking, ""That's right. Tell me what to do daddy. Use me to do what you want,"" and become rather sexually aroused by it. Eventually, I left my job because I wanted to be the manager. I wasn't willing to take any more bullshit from him. My only regret is not standing up for myself. I think I only tolerated him so long because he ridiculed me a lot like my mother had. I know if I had stayed, I would have been able to be a strong influence on him.",3.86844927536232,4.280685178260871,5.42217391304348,83.49862318840582,71.1304347826087,8.220289855072464,27.507246376811594,8.238735603445708,1.6612550724637685,861,28,184,12,15,293,128,230,0.14300000000000002,0.723,0.133,-0.7619,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,0,1,8,15,2,0,11,0,25,7,6,2,0,32,38,11,0,10,7,1,1,2,0,5,1,2,0,0,10,4,0,0,9,0,1,1,4,6,0,0,8,3,40,9,30,19,2,25,0,3,0,1,18,16,1,3,6,136,50,4,0.12392731082408673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427482100894466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529245244734724,0.0,0.22663481527995175,0.13686797833088055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844962483356864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352536618832567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441410431038127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22653463392136186,0.0,0.0,0.13587989977412213,0.0,0.0,0.06474690499445802,0.0,0.0,0.2078886972556128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29370892002656057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653334987255845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297873369514775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621441809949852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346473858167879,0.0,0.0,0.12108924851677505,0.0,0.0,0.10967177031427196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535856798006538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24900328137100924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513125622717186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885046085204381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458117633113475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583324631644772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209002428509306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18635582959117264,0.0,0.21663586395517015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23822285043174915,0.0,0.0,0.14452602307711826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703340684104164,0.0,0.0,0.1461910775399074,0.09836773099065298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35213762384472097,0.13549505995096392,0.0,0.0 bpd,jewesskween,2020/01/05,"taking a break from school for DBT? hey everyone, this is my first post on r/BPD, wooooohoo. I am in dire need of advice, preferably from people who have experienced this sort of significant life shift. I’m 20/F and recently received the diagnosis of BPD and understandably am struggling with it quite a bit. I’m very unstable and was hospitalized this past Thursday night. a contributing factor to that could very well be my home state psychiatrist taking me off of Adderall (therefore messing with my dopamine) and contesting an ADHD diagnosis from my school psychiatrist. my home therapist has recommended that I refrain from continuing my studies this semester and instead pursue a partial hospitalization program (to increase stability) and then a DBT program in my home state. my concern is the potential lack in social support (all my friends are at my out-of-state university or at other far-away schools) and the decrease in empowerment I might experience. I am involved in a research internship at school and would be taking two courses this semester that would allow me to qualify for an internship in Paris this coming summer. losing control of my academics and social life (I also have a boyfriend I’d probably break up with if I stay home) would be extremely rough for me. My question is: is staying home for DBT worth it or should I try and pursue it where I go to school? Is it too time-consuming to do school/work and DBT at the same time?? Thank you if you’ve read this far and thank you x1,000,000 if you have any advice to share with me. ♥️sending love and peace to everyone here♥️",9.02030612244898,8.468987629251702,8.710462585034016,67.52263265306122,60.46258503401361,12.057687074829936,40.688435374149655,11.34169021259432,4.730657414965987,1289,62,220,31,15,415,158,294,0.046,0.841,0.113,0.9514,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,3,0,4,5,10,0,1,13,0,24,3,0,3,1,41,37,20,0,11,5,0,1,0,1,5,2,0,5,0,16,18,0,2,3,1,1,4,0,3,1,2,1,2,27,7,37,27,5,35,0,1,0,1,13,15,0,8,9,146,43,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400512067217668,0.16913316803443468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692065776221172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05885065304472115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130784943468966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448004570663636,0.0,0.21798999925663198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454716216759953,0.0,0.0,0.09706276932069173,0.06909571814978352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653867214629232,0.0,0.08465342403394897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361148701547339,0.0,0.0,0.0668611408687935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049183082028528786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4340369605918482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225253105030917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681692257242644,0.0,0.0,0.07810637305015182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180602150918347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641688427872994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121259754597993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261290368265099,0.05999643451108605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288208183250359,0.0,0.09330552657039604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694540531640364,0.0920467017165214,0.08656413302444428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544851460523266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5255029357978375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764347189395368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18448177277162628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047114414898713,0.0,0.0,0.09820537655515134,0.0,0.0,0.1952035401350884,0.0,0.0,0.15935012445494534,0.0,0.1004804389375578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092517240875663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05875546404166124,0.0,0.08453770260148034,0.09009193516942796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281030445256554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781049489844541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300267039827505,0.0,0.0,0.1844281204941272,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,escabiosis,2020/01/05,"Not knowing how to be an adult is making me want to die more than ever For a few months now, I've been in a situation where I have a lot of responsibilities I didn't have before and I'm having a hard time dealing with it. I don't even feel like an adult, I never wanted to become one. I can't do anything for myself. Why didn't I kill myself when I was younger? Why am I still waiting for someone to come and save me? I feel so pathetic and lost.",2.2472448979591846,2.905291275510205,4.5597959183673495,87.30663265306124,75.0204081632653,6.824489795918367,23.18367346938776,6.868970318607317,0.5465142857142857,347,9,81,3,7,122,66,98,0.16,0.753,0.087,-0.7806,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,1,8,4,1,0,6,0,13,0,0,2,2,18,23,6,2,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,5,3,13,2,11,17,3,10,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,8,61,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17342228330684312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23274740969639165,0.17932547929584888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18153512637382488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172652142629968,0.0,0.0,0.2187163864749819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139192761277701,0.1906277356012829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21311445069388188,0.1505537568131958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887829739816036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331542258294334,0.0,0.11581800711381783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295764311732823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300492221232493,0.17916487176715096,0.0,0.0,0.14067157563602936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821184030144815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253682268007516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280388220171886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368822554337265,0.0,0.0,0.17856057377424964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829841971111387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288505286313077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24860157235522515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38032281743837537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,alanar3115,2020/01/05,"Realizing I potentially have BPD. I've been in a long term relationship for 3+years. I'm 23 years old and he is 35. He has helped me in every way possible through out the last few years. I never realized until I moved to a new state with him how damaged and terrible my mental health really is. I thought he was just criticizing me and wanted to have some control over my behavior. Really, he was just getting burned out from the constant emotional turmoil, anxiety, frustration, anger, and destruction I was carrying around with me. He is the only real friend I have and I depend on him for almost all of my emotional and social needs. I don't know how to just be. I'm always in a constant state of needing love and affection, to being triggered and unpleasant over the smallest things. I moved out for a few months and got a live in nanny position and things between us become much better. We started to fall in love again. And grew closer even though we lived separately. I moved back in with him after 6 months because I thought I had myself under control, but nope. Turns out I was still fucked up. His two young children moved in with us full-time and I took on most if the responsiblity of taking care of children. It completely wore me out and caused me to be so stressed that I started taking it out on him. He is in the military and got military orders and will be moving to a new state. I have not yet been diagnosed with BPD but I'm currently going through a psychological evaluation with a psychiatrist and he seems to believe it BPD. I'm also 99% sure it is BPD, but I just learned about what BPD is less than 3 months ago. So prior to discovering what BPD is and that other people are suffering with the same symptoms as me I had no idea how bad I really am to be around, or in a relationship with. I thought my boyfriend was just being an asshole. Turns out I'm the asshole. Now he is leaving in March to his new duty station with our two dogs, my step children, and he does not want me to be apart of their life. He wants to move on and be happy. I keep telling him that I believe once I get a diagnosis that therapy and medication will help me. I really have no idea to what extent it will help and if I'm ever going to be capable of providing my partner with emotional stability. I have no vehicle since he is going to sell the car I currently drive that is in his name. And I work as a nanny so I have no savings, or credit to get a place on my own. My mom is bipolar, has depression, and anxiety and her mental health problems really trigger mine. I become so much worse when I'm around her. Living with her and moving across the country is my only option at this point. I'm so disappointed in myself for not having the strength to change my life sooner. I'm losing my family and everything I love because for some reason it feels so good to be down all the time. I don't know what to do. Or where to go from here. Doesn't help that I don't know what makes me happy, or who I even am. I don't like myself very much and I'm terrified of being without the person who as been with me for the last 3 years. I'm sad that I've hurt him and wish I could take away all the pain I've caused.",3.5866487179487194,4.791927350769235,5.158326923076924,82.19913141025643,72.41538461538462,8.493589743589743,26.926282051282055,8.959647251330699,2.017735897435897,2518,87,516,50,48,852,272,650,0.142,0.764,0.094,-0.9862,2,0,0,0,0,0,57.0,5,0,1,6,31,31,4,2,28,0,56,13,0,13,6,121,106,53,0,10,18,1,1,1,2,3,9,0,0,5,24,52,0,4,14,0,2,17,15,17,0,2,17,1,78,14,94,74,16,97,0,7,0,4,50,40,1,13,36,369,102,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04745063342444904,0.0,0.053602018393131605,0.0,0.0,0.04280748704124137,0.044540795981927735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189977544602238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295769562606905,0.0,0.0,0.050292686484678134,0.04116084788950599,0.044694860269246656,0.06526211970711061,0.1182381582661934,0.0,0.12061873363738845,0.0,0.04734245426885083,0.0,0.0,0.40451085961443106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054576848475771135,0.1099789944317038,0.056627067247977565,0.0,0.056124616723125915,0.11569265162561615,0.12007567438372052,0.04273891530155452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0461048424651954,0.054331271583949625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0468439881313263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18064030115921506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071140236933188,0.04842045804366259,0.045100875826585535,0.0,0.048108823922981714,0.0,0.05046280760961535,0.0,0.02706610159789324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04135672532358826,0.04948711999271633,0.08390079505821467,0.0,0.12168809491378214,0.044897968443061334,0.08562479277963349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139662036884236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137986182659856,0.0,0.0,0.14351866541758534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057304390329699424,0.12085648157172092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047579440486999726,0.0,0.0,0.08825516816532164,0.08726730309416536,0.0,0.05667996541377756,0.0,0.0,0.07561887639163638,0.02615178857951785,0.0,0.14180247244295008,0.04737188454849398,0.0,0.05988576954378263,0.0,0.0,0.14493727332273992,0.0,0.03573132789169232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0539252958617929,0.10789020382392144,0.0,0.0,0.06269305251979351,0.12818010448594022,0.3982533859565498,0.11805092916634374,0.07938282748404281,0.041285216856333684,0.15509724801724686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617015999637416,0.05700712418380365,0.0,0.08142312762983804,0.05695911584705377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037110585165436936,0.046739856707902594,0.055926888901776266,0.0,0.050602638663001236,0.0603464192802821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05122046058085008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092824061184434,0.17146170274135664,0.05503719662334184,0.0,0.11494120693021145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048731206792136286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044280119593405866,0.0,0.0,0.054566539801092315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577684968220118,0.0,0.04274869312554465,0.0,0.0613178115891656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050450879277192516,0.05563760138953061,0.12074246844517784,0.0,0.04678710440681235,0.0,0.061215598671670236,0.0,0.07112518471508554,0.0,0.05259241924928629,0.12748922754122366,0.031213456570652564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947319580043727,0.0,0.11644935465179306,0.10458100177612792,0.0,0.12877869057642258,0.0,0.0,0.0441674076891155,0.09471918107178406,0.042489190996309864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155623324143631,0.05160048588440834,0.0,0.03897008188100103,0.0,0.05455108934565731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788485987281893 bpd,Lemoniecakes,2020/01/05,"Struggling being alone for a weekend My partner is away for the weekend and I'm really not coping. I'm jumpy at every sound, I've binged food and fizzy drinks so am now feeling incredibly sick and guilty, I can't sleep and I realised he's left his phone charger here. So now theres no point in trying to contact him as his phone has likely died. I want him to be able to go out and enjoy himself but yet I feel so abandoned by him not being here. Does anyone else feel like this?",2.6709,4.11684889,3.799000000000003,90.08950000000002,75.1,5.8000000000000025,23.5,5.985473137389443,0.4126999999999996,379,11,80,2,8,123,74,100,0.165,0.745,0.09,-0.8320000000000001,0,1,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,2,0,7,4,1,0,0,14,14,10,1,1,3,0,3,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,6,2,1,3,3,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,4,11,3,11,11,0,12,0,1,0,0,11,6,0,0,7,50,12,0,0.22562742209640066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336819636216516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776393962866975,0.2311819573529245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21198439026012508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23416564216012375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974480775529264,0.0,0.0,0.22102897639776345,0.0,0.0,0.1884827592830964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19010083434713806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3422520118723012,0.16118827542815925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728295744019462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282292635633671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451448542846665,0.0,0.0,0.2204603231099904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132908431089232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454270411528966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22579036752226525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358747705406226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531862090304935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308089935738912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Boomysum1,2020/01/05,"Would anyone here be willing to talk with me. I really need it. If so, please dm me.",-1.9450000000000005,-0.1525388333333293,1.1722222222222245,97.345,104.0,4.622222222222223,11.555555555555555,6.42735559955562,-0.8012444444444444,63,1,15,1,3,22,17,18,0.0,0.8420000000000001,0.158,0.4572,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584712402928249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801387926735732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5627584241465888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32842994756243193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4120652507205789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641865221728759,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GIANTSIZEBLUEBERRY,2020/01/05,"Told my BF I'm drinking because of him. He can't come see me this weekend. Please help My boyfriend went to spend the holidays with his family 3 states away. I had to stay here for work. We kept in touch nonstop. I was supportive and didn't split once. He works from home so he can work wherever there's wifi. He worked from his parents house. He was supposed to return Thursday. That was the plan. To drive with his sister directly here. He's bringing furniture and other things in his car and he hates driving alone. Well his sister changed her mind and he decided to stay another week with his family. He assured me he was working on a solution to come home sooner. That he would talk to his sister. He's hanging out with HS friends. People he hasn't talked to in a while. He's having fun. I'm lonely. I miss him. I wanna see him. He asked me what I was doing. I told him I was drinking whiskey. He knows that when I drink, something's wrong. I told him I'm drinking because of him. Because he was supposed to be here today and he isn't. He told me I'm drinking because of me. Because I don't understand that sometimes plans doesn't work or they have to change. I told him I thought he had figured things out already. He's ignoring me",0.8016589861751129,3.2389162063492094,2.1898463901689738,93.8411751152074,87.33333333333334,5.156374807987712,23.605222734254994,6.6834051587181325,0.7657218125960061,972,39,204,12,31,312,128,252,0.061,0.845,0.095,0.8074,1,3,7,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,1,8,7,10,1,0,4,0,21,6,0,0,1,26,44,9,0,2,1,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,9,14,6,2,5,8,1,8,6,5,1,0,18,3,37,5,28,24,0,25,0,2,2,0,53,7,0,1,7,113,46,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263517468068376,0.0987017236120232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378797551723883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361641012251265,0.0,0.08403391822365469,0.0,0.0,0.2726157625443458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892360369260316,0.1540931207245746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4380966661006448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16863634633215893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910284410635628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830568366650601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059951240609028136,0.0,0.1794356963368784,0.0,0.0,0.10320432330142416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04915510983675512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031115398319828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525305460242092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931501031762137,0.0,0.0,0.062007979628894525,0.0,0.0,0.09818070823444576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254775247184492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885699748867194,0.08846065132341216,0.0,0.0,0.1906670304851467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149798131344837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378055100961967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884288499503255,0.0,0.0,0.07100713887999056,0.0,0.0,0.08478077470508806,0.4273294129448492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311251453919857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174516087805402,0.0,0.08041930527864072,0.08291384218876592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906900469460725,0.0,0.0,0.0635371931226014,0.09779103632571874,0.0,0.0 bpd,kirbysbitch,2020/01/05,"Every job is a living hell CW: Suicidal Thoughts Every single job I've had has been pure misery. The anxiety completely fucked up my sleep, and would put me in constant panic mode (even if I only was working one day a week, it was that bad). It made me incredibly suicidal and I was unable to enjoy any aspect of my life. The longest I've been able to hold down a job is a few months, and between that and gaps in employment my resume is pretty shit which makes it harder for me to get any job, let alone one that might be bearable. I've worked food service, retail, and a call center job because those seemed to be the only kind of places that would hire me. If anyone has any recommendations for what jobs they have or have had that they find bearable (particularity one that only requires a high school diploma as I'm currently a college student...well college dropout but I'm still technically a student for the next few months so I put it on my resume lol) I think it would help with my motivation in looking for a job. It's been especially crushed because after applying to about a dozen jobs lately I only got one interview and that was unsuccessful.",4.42538039215686,5.979637373333333,5.46243137254902,79.47317647058824,70.82222222222222,7.96078431372549,28.346405228758172,8.4952907291091,2.0881189542483654,919,34,172,15,17,303,129,225,0.125,0.828,0.048,-0.938,10,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,5,4,7,3,1,14,1,23,5,2,3,1,25,34,12,2,5,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,16,7,1,2,5,0,1,2,0,5,0,5,12,1,16,2,22,15,3,21,1,0,1,1,5,9,3,5,10,112,32,21,0.08497023066179282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800353328483634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17334801181015064,0.0,0.06500199388252277,0.0,0.0,0.0594131609349938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094659339369118,0.10359412789252287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676410574700724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908967022260007,0.09182263311793212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05479876936505974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05612203597878301,0.0,0.14318216813711732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766125145935833,0.0,0.10274634019612794,0.0,0.0,0.07855360905477173,0.04439343850384746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795845563852923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05695375451700825,0.0897757138835696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6745587424812196,0.0,0.0,0.08848341966287777,0.0,0.0,0.09585012122924053,0.0,0.0,0.08688781776094255,0.06001698678468256,0.0,0.0,0.07503027040115373,0.0,0.07135359345647109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040088674641542,0.05671828877140105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013998699795446,0.0,0.0,0.1356448549019129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903668042750664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303121093731384,0.25849475729411914,0.0,0.0996942578226745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877580604986507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644527193237697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708371015005766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599440977384692,0.0,0.07735370673581589,0.0,0.0,0.08722072071930552,0.0,0.0,0.08503159514618197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785733596702925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858872822350066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544454928605381,0.0,0.06745687187859603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815799371158655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371867982469625,0.0,0.0,0.1810812418413628,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,erikajayne1,2020/01/06,"this house makes me want to die i don’t even know where to start....basically i live with my mom and brother (17) ...i’m 23. my mom has never been the cleaning type and all the houses we’ve ever lived in were old and dirty to begin with but this house we are in now is the nastiest house i’ve ever been in. and i’m not talking about just some dirty dishes and laundry on the floor. it’s so much worse. the fridge is disgusting. the baseboards are lined with dust and just filth. to put it in perspective of how dirty and nasty and how much this has affected me in my life i literally have never ever invited ANYONE OVER. like not even in elementary school. living in filth my whole life has given me so much anxiety. i’m so embarrassed about the smell and state of the house that i felt like i try and clean as much as i can but i get so overwhelmed and it starts freaking me out to the point where i have a panic attack thinking about everything that needs to be done...i mean it’s not just simple things it’s like the walls needs to cleaned, the insides of cabinets are filled with dirt and dust, my mom has never cleaned her bathroom since we’ve lived here....theres literally a film in her bathtub. i cant even walk in her room with out choking it smells nasty. the dogs piss and shit in there and she doesnt clean it. she thinks just putting a towel on it cleans it. the ammonia smell is so strong it’s really making me worried about her breathing it in but no matter how many times i’ve steam cleaned the floor in there THE SMELL WONT GO AWAY. there’s so much dust and dog hair in the air that i can’t even leave a cup out in my room without there being dog hair floating in it within 3 minutes. i feel so disgusting living here but it’s all i can do right now. and to top it all off every single time i try and tell my mom that this house is disgusting and it’s not fair that i’m the only one that cares about it she flips it around and tells me i need to be more grateful. or she acts blinded to it....she seriously sees no issues with how dirty this place is. she’ll tell me i’m a rude selfish ass bitch because i keep my room so clean and i’m organized and i try to tell her little things she can do to keep her room clean and try to help split up chores between my brother and i but no. that’s too much for his lazy ass to do. his room literally has a musty stench. this boy has never ever lifted a finger. he doesn’t even wash his hands after he goes to the bathroom....and if i say something i’m an asshole. i don’t know what to do anymore. i’m really on the edge and i can’t handle this anymore. i just wanna move into a nicer, cleaner house and i feel like it would be so much easier to manage everything and have the upkeep but we can’t afford to move so we’re stuck here. oh and to top it all off i just totaled my car AND got fired within 3 days from each other so i’m screwed. i’m having the hardest time trying to find a job. i’m in such a deep depression right now and i can’t see a way out with everything going on. i’m sorry this post is long but i just needed to get it off my chest. how can i approach my mom and brother about the house without it turning explosive? or without my mom flipping the script and acting like i have ocd and it’s all in my head and IM the one with a problem for wanting the house to be clean......",1.3522039757994833,3.1016075393258435,2.8353707865168545,94.24437424373384,79.64606741573033,5.842212618841832,20.363958513396717,6.742157984588678,0.11877240276577394,2616,67,602,26,65,854,276,712,0.19699999999999998,0.7190000000000001,0.085,-0.9983,3,0,1,0,0,1,64.0,2,0,0,3,52,25,9,3,38,0,48,17,11,8,14,118,91,61,1,10,24,9,8,5,0,3,4,1,16,1,41,50,1,2,9,1,0,12,24,18,0,2,7,17,65,7,85,76,18,89,0,2,3,3,36,54,6,4,25,395,106,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03954028066271628,0.0,0.10251888609234164,0.0361406307424121,0.0,0.0,0.04601223366947557,0.0,0.05880122669297785,0.04856147475512404,0.0,0.0,0.03150780958567656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05269816418094556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03333372703277187,0.0,0.04451778777307218,0.0,0.05364276542401274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289356860947503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069330657569187,0.18701477413700834,0.043548380410220466,0.0,0.13935836013530478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05226882480680936,0.03692507905144052,0.04962745884518842,0.0,0.04724082287184196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05400846691557022,0.0,0.0587496290435298,0.0,0.041338676690572784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053045595455390664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034644590171616925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5367569217175822,0.0,0.0,0.05583064193091298,0.05394761802035791,0.05129119971573634,0.0918832522011436,0.0,0.0,0.056811456037783675,0.0,0.0,0.054728886085673945,0.0,0.0,0.07301586798354935,0.1262578626906815,0.051803778590409716,0.22820207294124106,0.045741214804764535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690027158484803,0.052402329321602686,0.0,0.05630210637623358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632099177906267,0.0,0.10986983311416804,0.26597035156021376,0.1533005071833312,0.1594562674029721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054236629564145634,0.0,0.07004866236176037,0.03931016051493125,0.0,0.06064335413916627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05400173252553614,0.0,0.048860757532303165,0.0,0.049501692057348286,0.0,0.0,0.04945731233109918,0.0,0.10391907290022324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622380891648452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828053453270869,0.0,0.041103438847986916,0.0,0.0523098276650983,0.08237541732419901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053055784459144134,0.04275587684989053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03979104409198591,0.0,0.05785917040387825,0.07316840340167785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04154391313486352,0.18070625757555897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867686145673324,0.06623766256820678,0.0,0.0,0.09041701224715988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17545981129882168,0.05622042479174719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06097245864757137,0.04102659691010041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057706495744730524,0.0,0.14947276837505372,0.0,0.0,0.05249048106751762,0.0526732917504955,0.036716838451144866,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SadElvenMermaid,2020/01/06,"Reading about ex-disorders such as ""sadistic personality disorder"" and ""self-defeating personality disorder"" wondering if im even more fucked up than i already know i am i know self diagnosing isn't good. but i'm not even diagnosed with BPD because I can't properly convey my feelings to my therapist who isn't convinced since im always so cordial and seemingly normal with her--minus other things like anxiety and avoidance and depression, and numbness. but then i read about this shit, which im not encouraging you to do (ok i guess i kinda am hoping others are like me, or maybe i just want them to feel my pain, or just feel pain? i dont know, definitely overthinking it). fuck. on a totally different note, being transgender and seeing other trans people (and cis people) get to go through the right puberty without the wrong puberty is depressing on a whole other level of depressing.",6.63952035694367,7.994492840490795,7.7805019520356975,65.67307306190743,65.38036809815951,11.816843279419965,36.290574456218636,11.567385478589935,4.949655214723926,715,35,114,24,11,243,109,163,0.3,0.623,0.076,-0.9922,1,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,1,0,8,18,3,1,4,1,10,8,1,0,1,34,27,15,0,4,10,0,3,2,0,0,5,0,0,3,9,9,0,1,8,2,0,1,7,11,0,0,0,4,15,7,16,26,3,7,0,3,1,2,7,5,3,8,3,78,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961203292246707,0.0,0.09018989632788917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829187275834857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607407524677844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651452070641645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28007072194018306,0.22002892599885365,0.0,0.11324540122810507,0.3726760218511602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703330573442384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318230979700786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441705923517194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20041124651296488,0.05662976185695874,0.0,0.06160103576205414,0.09091312873832673,0.0,0.0,0.11940477594570002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765660214629824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512422556053615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870638123441734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590861922326647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889320907963483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620005019776307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306710798459185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028917894040744,0.1892854735948832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168404270011752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256522046825688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637349905209267,0.09867498753949032,0.2261506569225922,0.0,0.11126168212670673,0.08966205716521558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258501675187627,0.07201008529751357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393175015397078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210145482089802,0.0,0.10448494172110837,0.117545287220631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850841331294837,0.0,0.0 bpd,bbgen79,2020/01/06,drinking again… spiraling. struggling with this disorder. specifics are pretty much what other people post on here… so all of the above. just... help.,4.127499999999999,6.9444467500000036,2.507000000000001,85.63800000000003,102.33333333333334,5.253333333333334,25.63333333333333,6.742157984588678,1.925893333333334,118,5,17,2,5,33,24,24,0.175,0.637,0.188,0.1027,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4398724745142349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3759816669283638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25725563697199577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821399979759711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26608127095831235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675780044827233,0.3904665053739323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012351269935393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hellageller,2020/01/06,"Am I overreacting? Are my feelings valid? HELP. Hey guys, sorry for formatting. Long time lurker, very occasional Reddit poster. I’m having trouble with the events of the past few days, I can’t distinguish whether my BPD is out of control or whether how I’m feeling is valid. BACK STORY: I [25F] am best friends with my cousin[23F], we are extremely close. We see each other daily, sleep at each others houses and share everything. Tomorrow she is due to move across state, and I was supposed to be going with her. I’ve spent the past few weeks helping her pack her house, and supporting her emotionally with the anxiety around the move. EVENTS: Two days ago I was having an extremely bad mental health day (I’m currently struggling and in therapy for being suicidal). As such, I reached out to her for support, and the response I got was that she wanted to stay home as it’s close to moving day. I was really hurt by this. I can’t stress how often I drop anything I am doing when she asks for my company, regardless of the reasoning. Later that night I text her something along the lines of possibly reconsidering the move. The next day she let me know she’s organised for her crush to fly here, and drive with her across the state for the move, but I’m still welcome to tag along with them. I’m now even more hurt. I’ve told her I have no interest in being third wheel, and there is really no point to me coming anymore. I let her know she really hurt me, and she’s told me that I’ve hurt her too by bailing. She followed that with a Facebook post that said “I’m the kind of person who sticks around when people hurt me and I hate myself for it.” So does she hate herself for sticking around me? Please guys, help me unpack this situation and work out whether my BPD is controlling my emotions. I don’t know how to proceed here and we were supposed to be leaving tomorrow. Bah, humbug.",3.7225181159420297,5.530283461956524,4.457043478260871,84.95607246376812,73.07608695652173,7.841449275362319,26.39710144927536,8.548686976883017,1.824845362318841,1486,52,293,27,30,476,188,368,0.134,0.787,0.079,-0.9759,2,0,1,0,0,1,48.0,3,0,1,4,19,19,2,2,15,0,28,2,1,6,0,54,54,24,1,2,5,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,1,3,12,34,0,2,7,0,1,9,5,11,0,2,10,4,55,8,47,38,6,54,0,5,1,0,40,14,0,2,26,199,67,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733822294244195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058112873737514524,0.0,0.07533668177540971,0.0,0.0,0.06251256817340549,0.20287436615010312,0.0710168453136147,0.0,0.0,0.058412251884826724,0.06342744549414342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797203841992351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19135004446762152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543695969699942,0.0,0.0,0.1704019935685173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449550986726827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647731945080945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709003792501753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0501740423012496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827227535291944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682018350644945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05869022579947693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04317255362772033,0.0,0.060756000178329564,0.0,0.0,0.15043421535009258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14999905085781268,0.0,0.0807470435514609,0.0,0.0,0.15275283791013974,0.0,0.0761989008606455,0.0,0.0,0.17530638908929227,0.40660951531300027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910566257437335,0.12524482311077048,0.0,0.0,0.08043576812267117,0.0,0.15535833537646124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722646870476731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765546640169544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4036928691648051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078944003457098,0.07128783065621082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503401850710054,0.05266443621608383,0.0663295442895572,0.0,0.08338655246321701,0.0718113019332065,0.08563891231807927,0.07275329188633001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459950124839318,0.0781044793058553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072259932578682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060534120469080514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538763219758948,0.07601967350970967,0.0,0.0,0.05848142406793424,0.0,0.0850363884090582,0.0,0.08096838282420052,0.06066559749448456,0.0,0.08701743620995354,0.07941491589054446,0.0,0.08309317542978588,0.1724079382987201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687238364207038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04429569313769887,0.0,0.0,0.14517526773798406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420658382103136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626789260989495,0.044806014669911166,0.0,0.06093439056534392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05530328833157266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GizmoDog17,2020/01/06,Partner of 10 yrs just broke up with me My love and partner of 10 years just decide he no longer wants to pursue a romantic relationship with me. I feel incredibly betrayed and upset. I want to self harm but know that wouldn’t really help. I feel like I’ll never find love again and I’m really scared and really don’t want to let him or our relationship go. I don’t know what to do. 😞,2.03275132275132,3.709859506172843,4.2191534391534375,85.42333333333333,77.39506172839506,8.085361552028218,20.213403880070548,8.841846274778883,1.1480144620811277,304,7,67,7,7,105,53,81,0.159,0.619,0.222,0.7825,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,2,1,0,5,2,0,0,1,21,16,6,0,4,4,0,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,2,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,0,2,9,3,9,14,0,5,0,1,0,2,11,1,0,1,4,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089320424232148,0.14759911307305834,0.0,0.0,0.18883381527800147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741874848955673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384834078482701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270901170417071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21126826854657088,0.0,0.10093708141116392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729393195525044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15934700918196773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.397070597199364,0.0,0.0,0.4436342824558766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20684829189438664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21553474529643527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655840846973424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304726064941144 bpd,anaisback,2020/01/06,"fp slowly packing his shit up and leaving ik this ""imagined abandonment"" is common and everything BUT what if they dont say I love you back anymore or I miss you back anymore (we r long distance friends i guess) and not texting everyday like we used to....he is visiting soon and everything but idk even where to begin explaining how worthless I feel. I recently went through OUR MUTUAL FRIENDS just back stabbing me and one of my best friends completely purposefully cutting me out of the friend group...so....yeah.. I guess what I'm looking for is an advice on how to exist now. because I dont know how and dont want to. thank you",3.3415201192250383,5.532849426229512,4.2108643815201185,84.62690760059614,75.22950819672131,7.7150521609538,31.582712369597612,8.575989854853784,2.6769409836065567,498,25,95,10,11,160,85,122,0.157,0.6829999999999999,0.16,0.8123,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,3,3,1,1,11,13,2,0,2,0,6,2,1,4,0,27,20,13,0,2,6,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,9,0,1,4,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,1,3,18,8,10,19,1,16,0,3,1,1,16,4,1,4,11,63,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377602004287198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715338446601263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31580041002124004,0.0,0.08345229839809043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436669488837662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435358913647558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4813334714281243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042043190071217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24607180689930486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922019686633989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4230710002017802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016191435191832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752360548708279,0.0,0.0,0.14495616777794135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688188719508939,0.0,0.0,0.1211512179733898,0.11496059659063446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235566015591434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276623717534106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517114750828713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886749948778487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052475289942284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603811358029332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182366945064812,0.0,0.0,0.08074651776865331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269066512348771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ughblech,2020/01/06,"DAE not know for sure what’s BPD and what’s actually your true feelings? I’ve always been afraid of going to therapy because I’m scared of getting better and realizing that maybe I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with my SO. I have known him the entire time my mental health has been bad, but i do love him more than anything, so it’s hard for me to tell if it’s my mental health issues making me feel like sometimes I don’t want to be with him forever, or if it’s actually how i feel. I’m not prepared to find out, either. I would have nothing if we weren’t together. I wouldn’t be able to afford where I live, I have no friends outside of the ones we’ve met together, and I’m certainly not strong enough mentally and emotionally to handle that. I guess I’m just wondering if anybody else has ever felt this way? I’m in a constant state of not knowing what’s truly me and what’s caused by my mental health issues. We have been through a lot together, I dont want to lose the good we have together.",3.2938028169014046,4.11671734741784,4.8503474178403785,85.57974647887325,72.70892018779342,8.121314553990612,26.40657276995305,8.447377352677275,1.5921507981220668,797,26,174,13,15,269,114,213,0.09,0.763,0.147,0.9207,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,3,1,0,3,6,13,0,2,6,0,19,5,0,3,4,47,40,14,0,9,12,0,5,1,1,2,4,0,0,0,10,11,0,0,10,0,1,1,10,4,0,1,6,5,26,9,22,30,5,9,0,1,0,1,11,3,0,8,4,111,36,0,0.11517110452626893,0.0,0.2247807687721569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583158513067684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477600581103697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616306157918464,0.07020723633966937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185948267294964,0.0,0.0,0.1450539743951902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183124496893186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445904870842996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349796767551585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621067939835036,0.12955199098518067,0.0,0.1190025381524859,0.0,0.0,0.10417885771418108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470191285893102,0.08227826008584131,0.11058232158624186,0.0,0.10526430303652763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898090966271806,0.0,0.060172148602935537,0.0,0.06545439282142396,0.09660005822059077,0.0,0.0,0.12687395614082034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031706877451734,0.0,0.0,0.36726449540332856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24041742146615466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659005412609262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134875714111109,0.05626678415433787,0.0,0.10169819532914484,0.0,0.0,0.1288470063372836,0.0,0.09791435451056106,0.10394641841509353,0.0,0.07687760658956774,0.0,0.11570485454522812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4642615393183962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105097809748211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804292107861255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530636739242647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390716729399725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854740302197276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066462172787707,0.0,0.13170819528707525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715719723075579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20379270429005505,0.09141746199930006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489814998834248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181424823504234,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Str1NotYourMom,2020/01/06,"Maybe it's not BPD but autism - a HUGE thank you I'm sorry, I don't remember the handle of the person who in late October 2019 shared an image in this sub. I read the words in the picture, got curious, clicked over to Google and fell down a deep, deep rabbit hole. I don't know if the OP will see this. Maybe someone else who needs to see this will. I was told that I had BPD and MDD and PPD but all of those disorders presented just a bit differently in me. It was none of those. I'm autistic. &#x200B; ***Thank you***, whoever you are... Whoever made that post last year, you changed my life for the better and I'm very grateful. If you're reading this and BPD doesn't quite seem to fit unless you really, really try. Maybe you're like me.",-0.05549185463658901,2.2769706250000006,1.6723308270676718,95.96464912280705,92.75,5.526817042606517,17.764411027568922,7.07126945348624,0.1983016290726813,573,16,129,10,21,186,94,152,0.009000000000000001,0.8079999999999999,0.183,0.9819,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,5,0,2,1,5,0,0,10,0,9,1,0,1,1,19,22,10,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,12,5,0,0,3,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,6,3,13,5,14,14,3,16,0,0,3,0,10,10,0,3,5,71,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402513027597451,0.15728726334757062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448170532507572,0.1413180958807341,0.0,0.4890863152994757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136933399973131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135240255577836,0.14835275103537332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813291368632008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352729328154256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113841977815857,0.10551322097293134,0.14601720298577628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914293318521146,0.06323925111448846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248197967543427,0.0,0.0,0.3901283036727593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598025286448787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302452703832445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397049450599365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767843274621766,0.2589558114432999,0.0,0.16584884270088932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663354585338467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20629842731411455,0.117839933359418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096765293198171,0.0,0.0,0.1449007027550802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383472192239755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368821578298607,0.0,0.08788321638558738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680392958344492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15728726334757062,0.0833569686053191 bpd,boulevard_,2020/01/06,"Just searched for 'BPD memory loss' All of the top links were already clicked. My memory is absolutely awful. I can't remember last week or the week before and sometimes I struggle to even remember the previous day. Should I see a doctor?",4.408636363636365,6.89970895454546,5.595454545454548,74.53818181818184,73.0909090909091,9.854545454545457,31.45454545454545,10.125756701596842,3.8776090909090897,190,9,32,6,4,63,37,44,0.177,0.7829999999999999,0.04,-0.7264,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,4,1,4,1,0,0,1,8,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,3,3,1,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,4,20,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716269419991119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094511219207588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100107981777585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874305306488626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519396647743513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257633955498765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20064088993429904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5576682213462635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19614556198113334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434435319557192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573240213342425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39488507270943424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,miss-kisses,2020/01/06,"Looking for advice on helping my significant other understand my bpd I’ve been together with my boyfriend for two and a half years. We went into the relationship with me being very upfront and honest about my mental illness. I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and bpd. He seems to understand and try to work with me on the first two but has no understanding or seem to want to understand my bpd. This is leaving me feeling extremely isolated and in a very dark place. With it being winter and life generally not being great, I really need someone to lean on but he does not seem to have any sort of grasp on what is going on in my head. I try my best to communicate but it’s hard when I’m not even sure how I’m feeling a lot of the time. This is my first time I’ve ever posted on reddit. Idk if I even posted something worth responding to",5.736468733578558,6.415116687861271,6.981786652653708,73.01863899106675,67.09248554913296,10.683972674724119,31.912243825538624,10.637119530657019,3.5217098265895963,709,28,130,19,11,241,100,173,0.135,0.7659999999999999,0.099,-0.68,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,4,6,5,0,0,6,0,11,4,1,1,2,40,27,13,0,3,8,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,13,0,0,10,0,1,2,4,1,0,5,3,4,16,4,27,21,3,22,0,1,1,0,6,10,0,7,8,93,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057881357119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361892340077708,0.0,0.08281681615897844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360973873314352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090402118022618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932421668236501,0.10987924950824796,0.0,0.0,0.248145322437822,0.0,0.0947370107450968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430063312987734,0.09792525438066482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094766547510392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18416782630742715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152532488842415,0.0,0.0,0.11935445604160855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969776024017491,0.0,0.11110359494779676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256282977908557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146292343295564,0.0,0.0,0.0764655891932463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090917183627954,0.0,0.0,0.09203679406114383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909826219644864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027168565631478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310621674596948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073618326405754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935263124668795,0.0,0.0,0.11622821615309732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956611325584911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172636685867022,0.0833420382482794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203156654347066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625182818488606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699969440859634,0.0,0.21150401330522886,0.4508001818926846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17864781986948794,0.0638531747112534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035593852527144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881286827132425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971438583931029 bpd,Moritzinum,2020/01/06,"Help needed so, middle of a panic attack again, i kinda need a good idea of how to distract my head from overthinking or just something that’ll calm me down / somebody to talk to",6.294571428571429,6.195894028571433,6.406428571428571,80.30107142857145,65.85714285714286,8.142857142857144,28.92857142857143,7.1686216300943375,1.6569999999999996,141,4,26,1,2,45,31,35,0.214,0.603,0.184,-0.3054,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,2,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,7,3,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,7,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3673806175770002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708591905634292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314203582842672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21645383351280775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645497770614529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4788984700773713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.378889933910992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486080507958721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25955969496592285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,microwavednachos,2020/01/06,"Anyone wanna share tumblrs? I’m looking to make some friends with people that share this illness and thought tumblr might be a good way to ease into it. I don’t wanna play my username and make it look like I’m just plugging my social media so dm me or I guess I can put it in comments. If anyone wants to try connecting lmk <3",2.314754901960786,4.156805279411767,3.580000000000002,89.58166666666668,77.08823529411767,5.121568627450982,24.568627450980397,5.46131890053228,0.5205215686274509,261,9,52,1,6,85,53,68,0.042,0.7170000000000001,0.24100000000000002,0.9131,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,2,0,16,13,5,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,6,6,8,10,1,4,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,5,1,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606431541054462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19924395090291155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163045683650281,0.0,0.0,0.2840931654216535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599125387688428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43312263808106616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442850411605309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735788561858782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878735685253475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25924908788648443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628847640136926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20473459632119126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508930659390626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521092697368099,0.20469982133582226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ZeroTheStoryteller,2020/01/06,"So after a year and a half being deattached I finally met someone. And after 4 amazing, wonderful and intense days of us being vulnerable the dreaded thing finally happened. He needed space. I fucking hate this part. Being mature enough to give him the space, and we agreed to talk about me being hurt after he's gotten it. But I swear I feel my sanity disintegrating. Fuck him for needing space. I felt my soul die. You need me to handle shit on my own, fine a will. But i can't just fall back into your arms again. I have no idea what's gonna happen, but I'm just, scared and angry. I see no other solution then to withdraw and isolate and not come back. But for some reason I feel insane and irrational for having this need. If he can go away, why can't I. And if he wanted me to come back maybe he shouldn't have let go",2.2250000000000014,4.096903404761907,3.949428571428573,86.69557142857145,77.45238095238095,6.3847619047619055,21.319047619047613,7.3011,0.6816876190476187,644,17,131,8,15,216,107,168,0.214,0.708,0.077,-0.9734,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,2,0,0,8,9,4,2,5,0,13,4,2,1,0,35,37,17,1,8,9,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,13,0,0,6,0,0,5,6,7,0,1,3,4,22,2,16,26,4,23,1,1,1,2,14,6,3,4,12,93,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978019243620134,0.31864649514585297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379781317289665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908414603846991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335990524677794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272797541368773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968805881716032,0.0,0.13262902725928066,0.3026351807082279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554028589315759,0.0,0.13250944581144675,0.15700796158420266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24430053139925925,0.0,0.0,0.13637741594945058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787388235252236,0.1559349731726758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125001594132658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877283536267715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4096945041958532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958422289458947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202339282675658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382949021569596,0.0,0.11007385552287924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141791202834811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703936476663965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102580941750577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917692094475438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166156596643349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147422886652744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464325135828312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979899048799272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895291193971509 bpd,throwawaydnsjak7371,2020/01/06,"Dealing with someone else’s episodes I have bpd. My partner is undiagnosed. I woke up to 20 messages today from my boyfriend. He wants to be homeless, die, hurt people. He started getting angry at me for sleeping while he was having an episode. Idk. Ugh. I feel annoyed. Mini rant; When I have episodes it’s this horrible thing I need to deal with on my own and I need to get my shit together and act my age. But it just really seems like that only applies to people with bpd and everyone else can be left unaccountable. Hell even better if they treat us poorly and get revenge. Because at the end of the day we are still the ones bad because we should’ve been accountable for our reactions for being treated badly. I should care about his crisis. But it happens more often than not, and when I have a crisis I get blocked and yelled at. I’m tired of trying to help him when he treats me poorly during my breakdowns. I just don’t care, he can hurt himself and it’s not my fault it’s his own choice.",2.1483165829145747,4.449534120603018,3.1739170854271386,90.02921733668344,79.6532663316583,5.5880402010050245,24.522864321608036,6.742157984588678,0.8767807035175874,786,29,157,8,20,251,126,199,0.25,0.665,0.084,-0.9906,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,4,0,1,1,9,16,3,0,5,0,15,3,2,0,0,27,30,14,1,5,7,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,8,12,0,1,2,0,3,1,3,9,0,1,3,2,28,7,22,23,3,17,1,2,0,0,19,6,2,3,11,103,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287032693909294,0.16697289189947812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211254941513574,0.0,0.0,0.3449798460816584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27926932994688625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832459116707296,0.2823890105533409,0.0,0.0,0.14213758096983897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288165181867313,0.0,0.12130140567653055,0.0,0.0,0.09045743071833244,0.0,0.0,0.13086629182254456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924852083455879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28621316513381506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110878039073393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917979936672088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29322614143787584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880191753920688,0.0,0.0,0.06690925435862105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20310067052149133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280419586474807,0.10416038544924144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898945897854355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773682646294331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467861234589878,0.0,0.0,0.14058225372743666,0.0,0.0,0.13705382373713093,0.0,0.11604145634401955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969373948260725,0.0,0.10937237325617888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098676101895327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574095296740896,0.12981724715646206,0.0,0.0,0.09298339836996923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473990177666986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077955815146938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sipaulwill,2020/01/06,"BPD in Toronto area BPD in Toronto area CAMH is looking for people for a BPD study. The principal aim of the investigation is to identify the biological mechanisms that may explain why individuals with BPD engage in self-harming behavior. This specific study will use positron emission tomography to determine whether BPD individuals have decreased sensitivity to pain in the somatosensory cortex and increased neuroinflammation in brain regions involved in emotion regulation. This study will involve 4 visits to CAMH: - The 1st is to go through questionnaires and interviews with me, and it will be about 5-6 hours. - The 2nd involves being an MRI scanner for approximately 30 minutes followed by an additional 1.5 hours of completing the remaining questionnaires and/or interviews. Altogether, this visit will be about 3 hours. - The 3rd will consist of having a morning and afternoon PET scan. The morning PET scan will be 1.5 hours long while the afternoon PET scan will be 2 hours long. You will have a half an hour lunch break in between. Altogether, this visit will be about 6 hours. - The 4th will just involve checking that your wrist is healing alright from the arterial line insertion done during the morning PET scan and to receive your compensation. The visit will be about 10-15 minutes. In order to be potentially eligible, you must fit the following: - Age 18 to 50 - Diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (unofficial is okay too) - Recent self-harming behavior - Not currently taking medications - Not smoking and using street drugs Your compensation for participating would be $415.00 and $17.00 for each visit for lunch and transportation ($17*4). Therefore, combined, that will be a total of $483.00. If you fit all this criteria, then definitely give me a call at (416)-535-8501 ex. 35207 in order to go through the full phone screening interview (35-40 minutes) that would ensure you are fully eligible to participant in this study. Alternatively, you can leave your phone number a good time to call you! I look forward to hearing back from you! Kind regards, Paria Baharikhoob MSc Candidate Institute of Medical Science, University of Toronto Centre for Addiction and Mental Health 250 College Street, Toronto, ON M5T 1R8 (416) 535- 8501 ext. 35207 http://www.camh.ca",7.839260226283723,10.451896550913839,7.7514020887728465,62.22774717145344,63.90861618798955,10.955230635335075,39.39852045256745,10.93419730881044,5.288986144473456,1861,102,264,56,30,596,214,383,0.019,0.91,0.071,0.9492,2,0,1,0,0,0,76.0,0,11,0,0,7,6,0,0,25,2,37,12,2,3,3,28,49,13,0,4,5,1,0,0,0,16,8,1,4,1,11,13,2,0,1,0,1,13,2,1,0,1,1,8,14,5,50,22,5,53,0,0,7,0,33,20,0,2,19,160,25,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437897276505533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657043873779593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.545187696145611,0.09664576252822678,0.17680446740383032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077170541478786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992218657816844,0.0,0.0,0.08859576109413618,0.0,0.0,0.10039892259553622,0.0,0.0,0.09738464842591672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305013937654487,0.09840455533524553,0.07261457455186017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202463425993994,0.09757574205555576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5968090335035369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015400869330303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166988433686413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532313982790168,0.14540153419210405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17442938076599904,0.08724672318885605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212136111078598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06001985048780607,0.07559350516635176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548186426084241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18063214812817996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509324200720394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05048228122048093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14954512492888422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812001125097835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300006723187552,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Modernman09,2020/01/06,"Grief and BPD (M/28) on the 31st my mother passed away. It has been incredibly hard to assess, evaluate, and process the ways I have been feeling. Most days I feel an incredible sense of guilt for not being there when it happened. I live on the other side of the country and had already flown home after the holidays. This community really has helped me in these moments, so thank you.",4.456666666666667,6.559626888888893,4.9872222222222256,80.68000000000002,71.77777777777777,8.133333333333335,27.277777777777786,8.841846274778883,2.182094444444445,304,11,56,6,6,97,59,72,0.09,0.815,0.095,0.0896,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,6,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,11,5,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,3,6,1,9,7,1,11,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,4,41,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352802359090048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285455115628324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826589983394121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19594303823029724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072477412233042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26867288115988297,0.0,0.27216897844520826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20364858240412687,0.0,0.304762877469126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682844763119213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946391159548593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797227359838844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411634330271986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ididit2myself,2020/01/06,"How do you all hold a full time job? So I’ve always had trouble with my attendance at jobs, and I have lost most if not all of my jobs from my attendance issues. I just cannot seem to get up every single morning and do the daily grind like everyone else. I know that at least half if not most of my coworkers completely hate their jobs too, but I just seem to not be able to work full time without calling in at least once every other week if not more. Full time work is so mentally draining for me and I begin drinking every single day when I get home just to wind down and feel like I got to do something for myself (as unhealthy as that is). Do I just need to suck it the fuck up? I can’t honestly comprehend how everyone else does it.",5.8422077922077955,4.692545266233765,6.552564935064938,82.370275974026,67.11688311688312,10.037662337662338,30.288961038961038,9.188382445141503,2.230742857142857,577,17,126,9,8,191,91,154,0.122,0.8220000000000001,0.055999999999999994,-0.8899,4,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,3,10,8,3,0,3,0,11,2,0,2,2,30,24,15,0,4,13,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,5,1,1,4,1,0,2,7,5,0,1,3,1,17,3,22,20,12,19,0,1,0,1,3,10,2,7,9,93,22,6,0.13269179270300155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041020124678462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549315618158025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391248200820948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557522897531321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611948198860815,0.0,0.0,0.1299874405558637,0.0,0.0,0.2216939323288164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353956749071125,0.25358538861913954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709295733290968,0.09479504322009814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226714241868632,0.13865197007108335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612574825054123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100567402751984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310068710858233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849575717189067,0.5267045183129248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292393907939801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296530147866909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484876641757755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372211760190705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838928295767532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413124286370643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415952490432157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215262475722398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321209542127517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643735226079594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279101530480286,0.0,0.19320241087881773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Dilpretzal,2020/01/06,How were you diagnosed? Do you know what format was used? I’m 15 so under child & adolescent mental health services in the U.K. and my psychiatrist used the SCID II assessment and even though I fit the criteria she hasn’t specifically mentioned Borderline Personality Disorder to me yet. So am I diagnosed? Or do they not diagnose people my age? Is it possible that I’m diagnosed and she hasn’t told me? She mentioned talking about in future sessions the nature and nurture factors that contributed to why I think the way I do (unstable relationships) so why won’t she say the words Borderline Personality Disorder? I’m starting dbt soon for some more perspective.,5.8827500000000015,8.339915108333336,6.8883333333333345,67.05000000000001,68.75,11.466666666666667,35.33333333333333,11.20814326018867,5.039233333333334,543,28,86,20,10,181,80,120,0.054000000000000006,0.904,0.042,-0.3527,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,1,0,9,1,0,0,6,0,10,5,0,3,0,13,19,10,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,3,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,1,15,1,7,15,2,10,0,0,0,0,16,4,0,2,5,58,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658356070440313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6213925804941646,0.0,0.0,0.35082980393768565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010917366455049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16269087534539953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411531868814914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424397913409346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061094357232553,0.2672843771636583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254711746538196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643243639832681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171590376341818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833349467301016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302024051514372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807180601703444,0.1503762849597991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625112170046778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26438167860133993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148835866794867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762176261741857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,birdsrthebourgeoisie,2020/01/06,"DAE have certain songs that trigger symptoms for them? SN: i have OCD, BPD, Bipolar, and paranoia is a symptom of pretty much all of these. The song Panic Room by Au/Ra genuinely triggers me and my paranoia. It makes me feel like someone is out to get me, it’s such a good song and my friends all listen to it when we hang but for SOME REASON it gets me on edge, triggers fight or flight, and makes me paranoid. Anyone else have songs that do this to them?",2.4432608695652185,4.251033108695655,3.003695652173913,94.01032608695654,76.6086956521739,5.034782608695653,25.630434782608692,5.148860815047168,0.4250826086956523,354,13,75,1,8,110,65,92,0.11699999999999999,0.787,0.096,-0.4606,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,1,0,2,0,2,6,1,1,3,0,6,3,0,6,3,19,12,7,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,3,5,1,0,8,6,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,6,11,4,10,12,4,5,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,2,50,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457819871812393,0.2411673428467062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964439177461415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19662384880376424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901160631547597,0.16815044101260798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18184851242453304,0.0,0.2459452427337103,0.0,0.0,0.19741961454567936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499130584485052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31422646610520905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302615790834364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27615937473766256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394588491579384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420025341866907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19943068750425733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4892851147372919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,redbecca97,2020/01/06,"Rant about my relation w my FP (tw: self harm) I'm trying to establish a healthier relationship with my FP but I'm just so angry at him rn. He's got his own share of mental illnesses so sometimes he'll just drop off the planet. I want to be understanding and supportive but it's a huge trigger for me when he suddenly goes days without talking to me. I've gotten better at my reactions to the emotions that come up (in the past I would become overwhelmed and self harm but it's been a month that I've done it). The past week he hasn't talked to me at all, usually I would've gotten really insecure, but this time I'm just angry. I care a lot about this person be he knows it's a trigger when he does this. He's asked me to change things about me that are fundamental to this disorder and I have worked hard to grow and get healthier, and all that I've asked is that he get a little better at communication. But I know he doesn't care so I don't want to bring it up again. What's the point? Would it just be better to stop being friends together. Our entire relationship is messy and exhausting for me and I don't know how or even if I can fix it. It just seems helpless.",1.1620731707317091,3.2537507682926834,3.2614211382113822,89.20593658536586,81.96747967479675,7.0254308943089425,20.815609756097558,8.109356740369918,0.9765894634146348,923,27,204,19,25,313,123,246,0.177,0.6859999999999999,0.136,-0.9359999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,4,16,14,0,2,11,0,17,2,0,3,2,38,40,20,0,5,13,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,19,9,0,1,5,0,0,3,5,6,0,0,5,1,22,8,26,28,4,27,0,2,0,0,23,11,0,4,12,126,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23213288712947436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711740912251522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.329410137947084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531648385192919,0.0,0.13133757935857765,0.10694695260229636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006851616805626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422902755353687,0.0,0.10864726548045044,0.12705178599531394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396555925276359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200199013988431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959204221262521,0.0,0.1297298019567322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992966222982219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121684366999852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20469398674591485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443408082014623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055505754264911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511718243048767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099097866463699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370364756373408,0.0,0.10840574901575802,0.0,0.0,0.11736486443932374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953569232937473,0.0,0.0,0.26658805798046165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302437244849625,0.2590376418062548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227906481453258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379759954803414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088753275573054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995792116046821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248184168715422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239470501714906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429184485738303,0.0,0.0,0.1292478162851068,0.0,0.0,0.13673716363979066,0.0,0.14645749892382345,0.0,0.09958817478405058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196792141840383,0.0,0.0903849778983396,0.0,0.0,0.26458452458152304,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CivilBreadfruit09,2020/01/06,"Experiences with derealization/depersonalization? Hello, Just wondered if anyone else who has BPD, has experienced this? What does it feel like for you, and what are the steps you take to help yourself?",7.4772727272727275,10.730520969696972,7.293939393939392,62.3609090909091,66.57575757575758,9.248484848484848,29.181818181818183,9.725611199111238,3.1905636363636365,164,6,25,4,3,52,30,33,0.0,0.8390000000000001,0.161,0.6946,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365039809305147,0.3465649587729944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42599911297898857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29599448694204633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825545749690409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33086181634086426,0.0,0.0,0.1710233730213116,0.24163740400887046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22671390412891085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524607643375916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543129967169083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668048485372272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kh2008,2020/01/06,"Not sure what to do in relationship I started seeing this guy several months ago and everything seems to be going great. I even opened up to him about my bpd and he wants to learn more about it. I've been really good at controlling my thoughts since seeing him, but this weekend, I finally had a breakdown in front of him. I woke up crying and just needed to wait it out. I knew it was because I was having irrational thoughts about him leaving me, but when he woke up and asked, I couldn't tell him. I just shut down and told him to go back to sleep. He left really early the next day because he felt sick, and while we've talked since then, something feels off. I'm not sure if I should bring it up and apologize, or if I should just give him some space. I'm torn because I don't want to push him and have him feel overwhelmed, but I also understand that I'm obsessing over something that probably isn't a big deal and I could use reassurance.",6.445781249999996,5.473238682291669,6.525083333333331,82.47825000000002,65.82291666666666,10.388333333333334,31.17916666666667,9.642632912329526,2.4570629166666658,745,23,161,13,10,238,113,192,0.11900000000000001,0.8240000000000001,0.057,-0.9146,0,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,11,7,0,2,3,0,14,2,1,2,2,44,41,19,0,9,11,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,9,11,0,2,9,1,0,5,5,2,0,0,11,5,25,5,23,25,2,33,0,1,2,0,23,16,0,5,12,102,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135921447018352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948395470925024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798895166535074,0.0,0.0,0.10527252865339723,0.0,0.25037051175274144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724287490128345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15355210740640454,0.10930857638734646,0.0,0.15038519145971058,0.08829326660667303,0.14114443025509107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042534974049014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230425951989328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844792331046285,0.0,0.13145156107272374,0.14997420912185228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313330412560748,0.15561406185044216,0.11483054678780152,0.0,0.15093972878865095,0.0,0.13555880602856613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496405173948607,0.14874914452784058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927733849178764,0.0,0.0,0.10151432015364496,0.0,0.0,0.14560145117672715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476081955812724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541142070984075,0.0,0.0,0.14698617886223975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21819326343228448,0.12463439473139976,0.0,0.15466520111507884,0.0,0.22650068682677085,0.0,0.13700521721970504,0.0,0.0,0.21079438618535096,0.0,0.0,0.0969030157110478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25806522006323396,0.0,0.0,0.11004013426685676,0.11966218000410472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173766908359319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081987973041548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252433350505864,0.0,0.11824312523355515,0.0,0.0,0.1615018189157681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,taifun92,2020/01/06,"Just cut my hair again! You can almost tell I went through another breakup! H a (Baby bangs and layers, he k yea)",0.01463768115942088,2.32551539130435,1.7652173913043503,96.06202898550728,90.7391304347826,4.8057971014492775,20.71014492753623,6.42735559955562,0.2386057971014499,86,3,19,1,3,28,23,23,0.13,0.87,0.0,-0.3987,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5187919030925672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5432621255549966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4528331518671142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4802742558092766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,saltybutnotverysweet,2020/01/06,"Almost had a breakdown in public Yesterday I was at the store with my mom, shopping in the cereal section. I never noticed how hypersensitive I am to elderly before so I saw a very elderly woman with a doctor’s contagious mask on looking at cheez-it’s with a walker. For some reason this woman reminded me of my grandmother because of her color and fashion sense, I noticed how she was all alone and my mind spiraled into so much empathy and loneliness for her and my grandma that I was starting to break down in public, I started crying and my mom saw but I’m happy that she was at least supportive and not like “Ugh, grow up.” So thats nice :) During the near breakdown I was extremely hypersensitive emotionally and I saw crocodile boots and i thought about fur boots and a small fox crying becuase it was about to be killed and skinned for the boots, and I started crying even more, basically not trying to sob in public, it was bad, but we left the store quickly. 😕",5.181612505141917,6.384920497326206,6.426417112299465,74.60894693541752,68.62566844919786,9.176306046894283,32.0316742081448,9.466822959209583,3.0963643767996705,771,33,136,16,13,260,106,187,0.14400000000000002,0.7490000000000001,0.107,-0.768,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,0,9,8,1,0,10,0,10,2,1,3,2,29,20,18,1,0,4,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,16,0,0,2,1,3,1,3,4,0,0,12,6,22,4,26,7,6,23,0,1,5,0,12,15,1,2,7,103,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198169582644708,0.15719411706250205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672658347724847,0.09252121397341084,0.0,0.12915015962994014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5001562820662924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553491221452188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072752188435927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002465874282672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16156832730097656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791760770697955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490502015844674,0.0,0.0,0.07415006554527667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274535771913076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325044898139262,0.3555163303222045,0.0,0.0,0.111572791140067,0.0,0.11705897386864482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34559586347644994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605096089853435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222834082838124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722335561107411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049315543312784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304591120985084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523105886829755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdrollercoasterride,2020/01/06,"DAOE feel like its hard to concetrate on yourself when the world is going through turmoil? There are insane wild fires going on around the world, increase in climate refugees, record flooding, increase in cat-5 hurricanes during each hurricane season, world wide corruption protest against their countries leaders, free speech protest in hong kong, re-education camps in china, increase in domestic terrorism, school shootings, etc, etc. etc. I dont know how to cope. I'm trying to better myself but it seems pointless when all of these massive events are currently taking place and re-shaping the way we will live. It might not effect us right now, but it will in the future and I cant help but overthinking the outcome.",8.34994,9.729235144000004,6.551750000000002,75.91962500000002,61.56,9.13,38.025,9.188382445141503,3.68158,583,28,90,9,8,170,93,125,0.10400000000000001,0.812,0.084,-0.3993,1,0,0,1,0,0,20.0,2,0,1,2,6,7,2,2,5,0,8,0,0,2,1,16,15,8,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,0,1,5,3,4,0,0,0,4,6,4,15,12,8,28,0,0,0,0,4,15,0,2,8,55,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723610882246571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123940550250116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22691887879194345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6478058225725339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789908906228824,0.1383207529937835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200751666932307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344371649218468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297780782817887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640740087343024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459198510817804,0.0,0.1709682599189634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20539812323428974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20228962260297845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16534873214823348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19595177417309198,0.0,0.17626257466747555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557665584214366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131453926937786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328986398811009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368497300904582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,coosifer,2020/01/06,"Self abuse when I get rejected I thought the only thing that really made me not BPD was the fact that I don’t lash out on others or threaten others or verbally abuse them. But I do that to myself. I was talking to this guy just for two days and we had sex and everything was fine but he hasn’t texted me back All day. So instead of lashing out on him I am mediately verbally abuse myself and spin out until they text me back or until I cut them off. I feel so unstable right now. I was sober for 2 1/2 years but I relapsed recently because I just couldn’t fucking deal with being in my skin and I wasn’t giving me the relief that I needed. But I do know that my depression wasn’t nearly as bad, my reaction towards Rejection was a lot calmer and more realistic, and I could articulate that yes I feel empty but I know I am a person. But today I feel like I’m nothing if no one’s in front of me.",2.7579248120300766,3.743582747368424,4.794436090225567,84.86105263157896,74.15789473684211,8.165413533834586,25.150375939849624,8.634040054169528,1.5866691729323308,702,22,153,13,14,243,111,190,0.191,0.705,0.10400000000000001,-0.9622,0,1,0,0,3,0,11.0,1,0,3,0,9,9,2,0,5,1,17,3,1,1,2,37,29,22,0,4,13,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,10,11,0,0,6,0,0,1,7,6,0,2,10,4,34,3,20,16,3,23,0,3,0,2,12,11,1,5,12,118,44,0,0.0,0.5489222083915387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23749397933143154,0.12894243881346198,0.09413897735083783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19449893660779471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329963530541127,0.0,0.0,0.19918890049301666,0.15921035065147332,0.13301016700265353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879155338460675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342530524660785,0.11032468541011127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276786868278604,0.08068320061877073,0.14814314325201558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290978894949764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974116714353615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544660344530286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129069996426268,0.0,0.1461252179131357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145077455667066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817956539269928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464563430851788,0.11745082755785133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484215136601646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893168915349217,0.0,0.15248080445991138,0.0,0.0,0.13188221190521182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611039692224146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241248296563905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259630215838776,0.0,0.0,0.12260001726209555,0.0,0.0,0.14638140060684293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085548250217434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994477329180014 bpd,cherripops,2020/01/06,"DAE obsess over their fp's active status on social media? if i see they're active on any social media but not responding to me, it sets me off instantly. my fp's phone broke a few days ago (his sister told me) and is useless other than being able to turn on and off, so he hasn't been able to respond to me on messenger. the thing is, it says he's still been active on messenger, and on snapchat it says he was just on it a couple hours ago. i know messenger's active status isn't always accurate, so at first i thought maybe he just had his phone on and it was running in the background, but what about snapchat? if he can get on snapchat, why can't he get on messenger to text me back? he even has a computer at home, can't he just get on facebook and text me there? i've been paranoid that he's trying to avoid me because i've been having a lot of episodes recently, but he knows i have bpd and knows how upset i get when he doesn't respond so.. idk. ugh, i feel like a freak for obsessing over this kind of shit.",4.878658914728682,4.207543125581399,5.777034883720933,85.55562984496126,68.90697674418604,9.027131782945737,28.61434108527132,8.344100000000001,1.700899224806201,792,23,178,10,12,262,112,215,0.154,0.778,0.069,-0.9685,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,1,13,11,1,4,7,0,19,1,1,1,0,23,31,16,0,2,9,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,10,6,0,1,5,0,0,1,6,9,0,1,9,4,17,2,29,21,2,29,0,2,1,0,25,18,1,3,10,109,27,1,0.3124986685374821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770112145677563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001196298478815,0.0,0.0,0.10625490532072117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014609335684664,0.0,0.0952481439163366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967905667442306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728869164585269,0.0,0.10076789441842628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032012116619357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900435817347314,0.11162455562168183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290560390898173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32653531280787546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673082206355302,0.0,0.1538741202231354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16270963734552932,0.25761164352297783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633553226497876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283759646621407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569734576108879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427736753024293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24851148399913964,0.0,0.0,0.12451048974268325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038769626359556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31855303868866963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478092018250984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380511482345207,0.0,0.0,0.12404451818937785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930293481189913,0.0,0.10608304149280376,0.1699544075585707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099072114826067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Upset-Sprinkles,2020/01/06,"BPD Spouse My husband has BPD. I need to find a way to escape from his drama that don't wound me, i.e., I have to stop overeating, overdrinking, and overusing marijuana. We live in a very small space, so I go for walks. What do other spouses do?",1.6371428571428552,3.859511081632654,2.9217959183673483,91.56963265306123,81.04081632653063,5.552653061224492,22.044897959183675,6.742157984588678,0.4721314285714282,189,6,40,2,5,61,41,49,0.049,0.9129999999999999,0.038,-0.128,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,5,7,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,7,7,0,8,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.764975224805231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27756765788419435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725943362525301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681643166227457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251826923441419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538988954206693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505765060912105,0.0,0.2410554203551595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,msmue,2020/01/06,"Communicated honestly when I was vulnerable & anxious and it worked! Hi BPD community, I wanted to share a personal success story with you, because it's an achievement that I've been working towards for years. It's small, but the outcome not only warmed my heart but opened new doors. I got my BPD diagnosis 8 years ago. A lot has changed over the years, and I've definitely changed for the better. A lot of my symptoms have regressed to the point where I technically don't qualify for BPD based on the criteria, but it's still there. It always will be. Anyways! Something I've continued to struggle with is creating lasting personal relationships. Friendships, romantic relationships, all of it. What's hard for me is the follow-up. I struggle responding to texts and invites. I have severe anxiety (used to have a panic disorder but that went away, too). I get really anxious in new social situations. They overwhelm for a lot of reasons. I'm so sensitive that I pickup on the slightest emotion or even awkwardness. I'm often tense because I'm afraid people can sense how anxious I am. The panic feeds itself. (And no one ever notices lol). Here's the success story: I live in a house with three units. I have the garden unit to myself. Upstairs is a young couple. We don't really interact all that much, but I've bumped into the girlfriend a couple of times and we definitely have a connection. She's my age, funny, and she's invited me to come over and hang out. Last year I was sick at home and she even offered to bring me some soup. I was so overwhelmed at the thought of a stranger coming into my house and the ensuing awkward encounter (I assumed, it's like a default fear) that I said no. So, the girlfriend - let's call her Julia - she and I have been texting a bit to go over logistics of our house. She mentioned she has a new kitten and sent me pics. The new cat is SO cute. Julia invited me to come up and meet her. I said I'd reach out over the weekend when I was free. Saturday came and went, with me thinking about going upstairs to hang out with Julia. And I was so anxious. It's just a lowkey hangout with a neighbor, but I'm frozen! I was beating myself up about it which made things even worse. I was trying not to spiral. Then Sunday came and I still hadn't texted her. I knew she was probably waiting. I literally laid on the couch for hours doing nothing but thinking about this. I realized I had a few options. I knew I was frozen in place and couldn't go upstairs. So one option was to ghost her and not say anything. But that wouldn't be healthy or reasonable because we share a driveway. I see Julie and her boyfriend a couple times a week as they're heading into their apartment. Then there's this other option. Something that I've worked with my therapist on, and in theory it seems easy enough. In practice it took a lot of courage. I managed to un-freeze myself long enough to write this text and send it to Julia (all texts are verbatim): ""Hi Julia! I'm sorry I haven't reached out yet. I have some anxiety and depression that make it tough for me to reach out to people. Sometimes social situations overwhelm me. I just wanted to tell you because it's nothing personal! I really want to come see your kitten and visit with you. I was wondering if I could reach out later when I'm feeling up to it. But I just wanted to let you know where I'm coming from. Sorry, and thank you."" Her response was this: ""Omg! It's fine! I totally understand. I have a few lady friends over now and we're watching corny movies. I was thinking of texting you but I figured that might be overwhelming for the first hangout! You are welcome to come over when you feel comfortable and from the few interactions I've had with you, you seem really cool and someone I'd like to be friends with. I think you'd like my friends. We're all really chill and welcoming. When you feel up to it I'd love for you to join us sometime!"" Needless to say, I started crying when I read her texts. I put myself out there, honest and vulnerable, and in response I got the most heartwarming response. And not only that, but she's invited me to come over when I feel like it - respecting my boundaries - and invited me to meet her friends! I just wanted to share this story because it proves that when you are honest and communicate effectively, things like this can happen. I'm learning that people understand more than I give them credit for, especially when you explain that your (my) actions have nothing personally do to with them. It's just mental illness. I hope this helps someone who might be thinking of reaching out to people but are too scared or don't know how. I'm so happy I said something to Julia. I was my authentic self. She knows me now, and I know her. I already feel more comfortable, and now I know I have a friend waiting whenever I'm ready to get to know her.",2.9108830409356727,5.194113784210528,4.115087719298245,84.36005847953219,76.94736842105263,7.001169590643276,27.292397660818715,8.021203637495839,1.8922362573099416,3845,159,730,66,90,1255,357,950,0.1,0.72,0.18,0.9983,0,0,3,0,0,0,127.0,5,17,4,10,46,51,0,13,43,2,62,7,2,8,7,163,139,71,1,10,25,0,7,5,8,4,3,5,6,5,47,69,1,2,33,5,2,23,13,15,0,4,34,16,126,37,108,91,21,109,0,5,3,1,92,43,0,22,48,510,173,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043908203783507765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05466113117392637,0.0,0.041215600414860734,0.05366921451763303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578554321794558,0.22383372201034069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0407616129807059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04653808321664054,0.0,0.0,0.15097493145196952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043808100748704296,0.05407743852503761,0.0,0.18715603960136776,0.0,0.05057894760689932,0.11330559748145075,0.0,0.0,0.10479914087323763,0.2986793332315087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03954823923551287,0.1644226708555838,0.05440990749208511,0.0,0.0,0.042662882922133036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567693523192264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05571819652272023,0.0,0.1023620981362022,0.0,0.09814865812045656,0.04480562609257962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05573863456345006,0.1252274014927147,0.035386536556854614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0421329248313039,0.0,0.0,0.19134618363081995,0.0,0.05175811773415661,0.047516770474782095,0.08445259763510557,0.0,0.07923246917820098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04380205579413537,0.052729025250542905,0.044372028646223895,0.0,0.05083536585384976,0.0,0.0,0.058697094724481036,0.03320106789473051,0.0,0.04968585033686363,0.04919765602071531,0.04878023612370984,0.17146402860815702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633329474903921,0.08075235779511075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013021305151898,0.0,0.12099712684351945,0.0,0.04373873369498011,0.043835333909206464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16844546210451689,0.044705657744369166,0.04686952286643559,0.033063803648095934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049917827369866524,0.10509382054717677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03641261019146903,0.0,0.0,0.19135793927936992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258535852395027,0.05639389017683654,0.0,0.0,0.06712997277460121,0.07534447957062232,0.0,0.11623310353304007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736036957767084,0.1730019605668831,0.05175166394325755,0.0,0.04682489589809024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053405180315259315,0.0,0.0,0.04979455923459599,0.0,0.0,0.04954661640022635,0.0,0.1586612199186282,0.10185678338133748,0.0,0.10636026482237963,0.0,0.0,0.14135228283760715,0.07878159661515925,0.04959138636030002,0.0,0.07894311377013027,0.09018635175238326,0.05167394291813557,0.05595843050258517,0.0,0.0,0.11135481131801328,0.0,0.100985743558599,0.08393865958875363,0.1143992597363072,0.09797922647687142,0.11089675100187732,0.035059862406430636,0.0,0.07911457419103342,0.0,0.0,0.10356573601155693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051483973206105836,0.0,0.0,0.043294210561076914,0.045603526621516635,0.0,0.05751187691511572,0.06581533014900673,0.15869441096152564,0.0,0.03932383742214176,0.05776642851666192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550332211058862,0.033629799509081036,0.0,0.0,0.103131641169056,0.059582355184002574,0.04278079140030475,0.0,0.0,0.14607985902263207,0.0,0.03973255487680306,0.0,0.0,0.0918355675698106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05371665547904007,0.1081823048420672,0.0,0.05047857477846245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759105809611102 bpd,Yiobeo,2020/01/06,"Better communication (any tips?) Does anyone have any tips for communicating myself in a better, less confrontational way towards my partner when I am feeling upset with something that’s completely unrelated towards him? We get into arguments sometimes because I will be upset with something from home or just a mood swing and I will try to vent to him about it and it will go out of hand because he thinks I have an attitude with him when I just feel like I’m expressing myself and talking to him like I would with my friends. He sits there while I am venting and stays silent the whole Time because he feels like I am mad at him and I have an attitude with him despite me reassuring him multiple times that I am not upset with him and I am trying to communicate myself in a better way. Then we get into a fight because I feel like he doesn’t want to be there for me or listen to me. I just want to fix what I am doing wrong so things like this stop happening.",7.0587368421052625,6.347054242105267,7.53263157894737,74.89842105263159,64.47368421052633,10.33684210526316,33.736842105263165,9.642632912329526,2.989957894736842,766,28,148,13,10,253,99,190,0.129,0.7140000000000001,0.156,0.5416,0,0,2,0,1,0,9.0,2,0,0,3,9,18,3,3,7,0,17,1,1,0,0,32,30,13,0,3,6,0,5,5,2,4,0,1,1,1,7,17,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,0,6,32,10,26,24,2,20,0,0,0,0,21,8,0,2,12,110,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879149727474122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660874446743913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368983731010774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36658928395295937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486421947219175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090982841069535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794431328752933,0.2961170394572797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674655941942188,0.0,0.14437186269694371,0.0,0.07852281190492029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217956644859865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859156933909814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33750417032359104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21273357613341434,0.1366495155863895,0.0,0.0,0.14726636625608364,0.0,0.11551280094622447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105244169171484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179122255208932,0.08853106995809522,0.0,0.0,0.16113118581970054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18761102643602184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629875449329687,0.2193391723296738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425718884788756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814902481533593,0.151062619850548,0.0,0.0 bpd,pepsiman2000,2020/01/06,"My FP iced me out months ago but they're still my FP. Any advice? So, I just got an official diagnosis for BPD and I definitely had an ""FP"". She was legitimately one of my best friends and I one of hers but I had an unhealthy obsession with her. I didn't realize at the time that it was because of BPD and I could see myself slowly driving her away with my constant boundary pushing (nothing awful mind you, at worst some inappropriate texts) and attachment issues. Yet I had no idea how to stop it and I didn't know why I was doing it. I didn't know what to do, and I was afraid to back off because I didn't know how to deal with not filling every crevice of my head with thoughts of her. About 5 months ago she ghosted. I legitimately wanted to off myself after I realized she wasn't coming back. After all this time, I still think about her every day but until recently I didn't know why I'd let it get so bad. But now I know it was BPD. She hasn't spoken a word to me since August 22nd 2019. Even when we're in the same room, she pretends I'm not there and it's torture. I don't know what to do. I wish I could sit her down and apologize with all my heart for the way I treated her. I want to tell her about this diagnosis, about FPs, about how fucking hard I'm working to fix my broken brain. I know if she did come back I could actually handle setting some proper boundaries simply cause I'm actually aware it needs to be done. I would still consider her my FP even though she won't talk to me. I don't really know what to do. I wish I could get her back but with some healthy boundaries, or get her out of my life, but we have mutual friends so I still have to see her somewhat often. Anyone have advice?",1.377434048828448,3.278620557103068,3.253289365885632,90.5445350647223,80.19777158774373,6.229100442405374,21.70088481074881,7.285733465282438,0.582273734229068,1336,40,299,18,34,448,166,359,0.11599999999999999,0.7909999999999999,0.09300000000000001,-0.8894,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,1,1,0,2,29,10,2,2,7,1,34,5,3,4,2,68,61,25,1,11,11,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,13,19,0,1,13,1,0,5,13,6,0,2,18,3,64,4,44,35,9,43,0,0,2,1,27,10,1,7,25,215,77,1,0.0,0.0,0.16798989553752314,0.0,0.0,0.16821931107031912,0.1525972529529691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05853267236859075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060184325976562085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808685284824089,0.264739661574984,0.07186745893564468,0.10493874865811176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032842790904072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32521824005304645,0.09608606668928404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842080295687198,0.0,0.14828874085215282,0.0,0.0930144634055476,0.0,0.2748895261679033,0.0,0.0,0.0555100409855267,0.08873760604239296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808268449837885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370096640746168,0.0,0.1450406298130431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299975616886806,0.07957321138258497,0.1349089561347859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884053604702227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710460797655624,0.0,0.08833585200165205,0.0,0.0,0.10199706022408896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716607428839548,0.0,0.08983797354665582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3784282807625285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880155956226306,0.060795989305003816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869093133171752,0.0,0.13740548450859902,0.0,0.0,0.06382212697429887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258947890979143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166507458004854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05514064394235934,0.0,0.0849868208933912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717826354582446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120057334051423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749524154898395,0.07196098143016874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918231251333525,0.07523169967236554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055152179057741814,0.08456640222063724,0.06833244188005146,0.10037985552779144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153631111179028,0.06832083534305525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553352038303142,0.0,0.19795967760328145,0.0,0.0,0.06266225562469488,0.0,0.0,0.061143874049193934,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tortoise_glasses,2020/01/06,"I started a huge fight during a friend group trip I’m 24F and went on a group trip with my boyfriend, his friend, and that friend’s girlfriend. My boyfriend was making me feel ignored the whole trip, and was talking mostly with his friend + the friend’s girlfriend. My boyfriend had photos of the friend’s girlfriend, which I thought was weird. So he showed me a group text the 3 of them have without me where he sent the photos of her as a joke. I was hurt because his friend made jokes about how weird my foreign name sounds and called me a college drop out. I’m 24 and still have a year and a half left of school. I didn’t drop out, I had severe depression a few times and had to take pauses for a few semesters. It made me feel so bad. I am still pursuing my degree and I think that should be something to be proud of despite my hardships that I keep trying. I told my boyfriend to defend me, and He didn’t. So I confronted his friend and his friend’s girlfriend. It started a big argument and my boyfriend said he had nothing to do with it and that I was upset but he was not. He said they should respect me because I said so. Not because he said so. He said I was acting like a toddler in front of them for confronting them for making fun of me in a group text behind my back. I just found it all so rude. His friend said sorry but got so mad at me his friend offered my boyfriend to buy me plane tickets to send me away alone. And my boyfriend told me to offer it to me because his friend is being “nice”, and my boyfriend said he didn’t want me to go. My boyfriend finally admitted after drilling he does value his friends above me and always will. I cried for 2 nights straight no sleep. Am I over reacting?? I do feel mentally ill but I feel like he should put me above others. We’ve been together a year it’s not like this is a new relationship",2.8946456692913367,4.308605328083988,3.2070944881889787,94.6893818897638,74.45931758530185,6.1298687664042,25.298425196850395,6.42735559955562,0.5923770078740151,1454,48,326,10,30,447,166,381,0.124,0.715,0.161,0.9589,1,2,1,0,1,0,31.0,0,0,4,1,14,34,5,1,20,0,30,2,1,6,1,51,62,27,0,4,8,0,4,3,17,4,1,8,0,0,13,20,0,2,8,4,1,10,8,12,0,1,31,12,61,22,36,24,5,37,0,2,0,0,65,13,0,1,15,201,74,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236987332303928,0.0,0.0,0.05814195630407066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565026770498063,0.05372989338585636,0.058343066294672286,0.1703816570256825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135062772507607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675487999861104,0.0,0.0,0.06018360644262188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061148460663906175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132447000406184,0.04991902196089824,0.0,0.07654511931860211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661480359295411,0.7018126018459375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03971181779100589,0.0,0.05588576551661223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480309422248886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062108493770288924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591986037527652,0.0,0.0,0.10241281831698056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223564490451428,0.09328478574150896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041799970203658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674861268065293,0.0,0.06557335862379503,0.0,0.06704736071983919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024410800902607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502006288330659,0.0,0.0,0.4652727542201121,0.0,0.0,0.07071766677458133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893934792595148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992589433048914,0.0,0.0,0.05379352068841202,0.0,0.07821982436400159,0.0989163796010811,0.0,0.11160521912405977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05253762810490696,0.056163224707842484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044773354821726334,0.0,0.05547328715566086,0.040744925815116594,0.0,0.0,0.13353793778067372,0.0,0.04744083099336923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04121433969034841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477522470930985,0.0,0.0780134234609121,0.0,0.06735742209854953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999497338317854 bpd,cmartin13,2020/01/06,"My mom pointed out a BPD moment yesterday at dinner and I didn't know how to take it So yesterday at dinner I was looking at ESPN checking up on the football games. My mom noticed and said ""that's weird you must be into football because you have a crush on someone who likes football"". I didn't want to admit that but when I thought more about it I realized ""oh wow, I really do take on the hobbies and interests of my FP at the time"" which then makes me think... Do I actually have any real hobbies? Like right now I really do find football interesting, especially being an athlete myself and I finally understand the rules in football it's really interesting but it also makes me wonder, if I stop talking to this guy I like, will I lose interest in football too? What's going to be my next acquired hobby?! I just feel so disingenuous and fake. But I'm not trying to be...",3.0677649325626213,5.017278589595378,5.2097341040462455,78.25352215799617,75.242774566474,8.081541425818884,28.87437379576108,8.841846274778883,2.579731714836224,688,30,127,15,15,239,106,173,0.08800000000000001,0.757,0.155,0.9440000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,2,9,11,0,0,7,0,14,2,0,3,1,29,30,15,0,3,6,2,1,3,0,2,0,1,0,1,10,7,2,1,9,1,1,1,3,3,0,0,5,3,22,8,19,19,1,25,0,1,1,0,10,14,0,2,13,92,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.15830401558779195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972784583876087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103156478475554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988882411658296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043113096298983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202366684512374,0.0,0.0,0.1777048621637516,0.1482667931047367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219376976146043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062401049780958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915226160628145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377585393403072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622454286390798,0.1814834837613048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21656717162032493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3799818776847903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252356897698404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846893573142792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335100846223326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846426863998196,0.3117682285678565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853560282221994,0.15430904654340774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374490839757368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356237801039614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439395756098597,0.130386864560723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394448291453688,0.0,0.12878512615201124,0.094592202485312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013721590165096,0.0,0.0,0.16887748359398852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568197971393737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592144373064394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nadiaxpetrova,2020/01/06,"Consuming emptiness and fear of leaving Hi, these days I can’t handle my fears. It’s so extreme that I have almost finished my relationship. I felt like my boyfriend doesn’t love me and wanted me to leave. I was at his place and supposed to go home. I checked my bus and told him what time it supposed to be. I overreacted his actions and felt like he wanted me to leave quicker. Like he doesn’t even want me to stay longer. I left him, without saying anything. He called me and was surprised and shocked. He went after me and i felt like i need to go back, then I saw him. I started crying and almost broke up with him. I didn’t really want that. I really love him. I just felt like he doesn’t. I’m also very jealous about his ex. He talks so much about her. It’s making me sad and my overthinking goes on and on. I also got a panic attack and couldn’t handle my aggression and crying. I didn’t want to go home or be with him. Just wanted to leave my stuff on the street and go somewhere, be alone. The feeling is so frustrating and hard to describe. What should i do with that? Is there anything to calm this down? I have noticed that when he is “force” cuddling me, it helps. Also when he is telling me that he loves me, holds me (even using force, because i don’t want him being close). He is also calming me down when he is reading a book for me, while being next to me, but it doesn’t help in extreme situations like this. Anyone experienced something similar?",1.7418572089794004,3.8330177147651057,3.0685929183059493,91.36473154362416,79.90604026845638,5.5868548947002985,22.691969451515853,6.647476241863616,0.5232248090719738,1141,37,241,11,29,370,139,298,0.113,0.765,0.122,0.5735,0,1,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,0,0,18,22,4,3,4,0,26,4,0,2,0,44,54,29,0,10,5,1,6,6,0,1,0,1,2,0,16,19,0,1,5,2,1,6,10,10,0,0,12,9,51,12,28,35,1,31,0,2,1,4,35,12,0,3,18,161,67,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240825089284728,0.0891606144609007,0.0,0.27537634541181183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06019433241257365,0.0,0.14168523888182644,0.0,0.0,0.09793687916106286,0.0,0.06619591950669522,0.0,0.052478098052853916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790489077881934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18912599813464628,0.055519270260161055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371987068903912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937445840724551,0.04352839104636042,0.0,0.3306297309319413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957018805215018,0.0,0.0688519816918439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711742763206282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540517883880776,0.0,0.17270542206848874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646166316344773,0.0935342441547494,0.0,0.0,0.25234781796716554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330917988897416,0.0,0.05746402774148941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632841661066153,0.06383273824258724,0.0,0.0,0.0915549580259998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801110918945534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100505006910583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994304116232092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611072608651611,0.0,0.11029962359975057,0.0,0.0,0.09242568207510743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846017931867687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676587779844154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627430916155932,0.0,0.0,0.060933125764311535,0.09175774566243568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854951066116788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069193814982991,0.07524420793222553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05019827249971265,0.0,0.0,0.08226022818376251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435189883156576,0.0,0.0710311452294811,0.3554361750078299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980390971730994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298521010257189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,blazdncnfsd,2020/01/06,"Does anyone else have specific, recurrent themes in your dreams? I don’t dream as much as I used to because of my daily weed usage, but nonetheless I still manage to have dreams every other week, sometimes once a week. I can usually remember it if I wake up in time and tell my boyfriend (I think saying it out loud helps me remember). I noticed that in every single dream without fault I am trapped, held hostage, attempting to escape, things among those themes. Sometimes I’m trapped in a van in an empty parking lot, another time I was escaping on foot from a secret concentration camp in the woods, another time I was running away from someone who wanted to stab me and I ran through a crowd of people who couldn’t see or hear me. Even though I shook people by the shoulders and was screaming my head off the killer caught up to me and killed me. I feel like I should be more disturbed by the fact that I dream things like this often. Especially when my boyfriend will wake up and tell me his normal pleasant dreams of snowboarding or exploring a forest, playing with a dog, etc..",9.638115942028984,7.341158995169085,8.65729468599034,73.95956521739132,60.49758454106279,11.905314009661836,38.94202898550725,10.25414643259724,3.7878463768115935,860,33,162,14,9,268,129,207,0.121,0.685,0.19399999999999998,0.9027,1,2,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,1,5,9,1,2,11,0,12,5,5,1,1,27,22,13,1,5,5,0,1,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,11,7,0,1,6,7,0,5,3,5,0,0,6,6,27,4,31,12,5,27,0,0,1,0,11,14,0,5,10,111,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29025725039707195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967752705351912,0.14181121819309975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300350813053167,0.0,0.0,0.08436977257972535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111824265299614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156187533334532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435700665765373,0.09141451370976493,0.0,0.2332226200259851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699812033897265,0.09887582040849514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204239786195605,0.0,0.15599132769817242,0.0,0.09276926045744173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312348126388428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523437270558525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766610185849033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174283940197656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356064999725827,0.0,0.15757383173972084,0.0,0.14739570594387658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919037656000196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135694247102653,0.0,0.0,0.11006438827235407,0.0,0.0,0.11029004105956804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726923059413882,0.0,0.2737701211681261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052958540939647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419423320101896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389888915756156,0.08868367240661347,0.13598119311458398,0.0,0.2421133954071824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953658817764265,0.15243241412630487,0.0,0.08163424461059443,0.0,0.22203862500403213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334164835162877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,emms3,2020/01/06,"DAE have super calm breakdown? I was angry at my girlfriend for something stupid, like she would place her legs on me and it annoyed me. I told her she never does anything for me and she's egoist. That's to that bad. I ended up leaving the room but she followed me and told me I needed to apologize. From that point, I know I wasn't wrong and she was. Something annoyed me, I asked her politely to stop but she continued to push me. Then she started teasing me when I was asking her to stop. She's not stupid or mean most of the time but I feel like she doesn't get how I can get angry at stupid stuff and how HARD it is to stay calm. So I ended up looking at her and calmly telling her to leave because right now, I don't love her in this situation and that she's ugly (because of the silly faces she was making). I was still able to not say anything too horrible and I don't feel bad for what I said because she really was pushing me. But I'm mad at myself because my goal with therapy is to have control over my feelings and not let myself be overwhelmed by anger, and I failed at that. Am I in the wrong here? Was I actually mean? And is it normal to feel that way? I don't know if my reaction was normal or not",1.7664343827378843,3.3326541206225717,3.4289441103643448,91.28534754156351,77.83268482490273,6.073505482844005,23.354969932790947,6.782984794422108,0.597849805447471,947,30,210,9,22,315,120,257,0.239,0.674,0.08800000000000001,-0.9940000000000001,1,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,4,10,22,8,1,4,0,23,3,2,4,1,43,45,23,0,5,11,0,5,2,1,1,0,2,1,0,12,12,0,3,8,0,0,3,10,14,0,0,12,8,53,8,29,30,1,32,0,2,1,1,30,15,0,4,14,154,65,2,0.11578293964334604,0.0,0.11298744720206905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19055898796132184,0.0,0.21648283803712634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19334783669114824,0.28232082139276543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986041203320225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013224307293536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050986366536196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341733326870381,0.08271535521573163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098361439809024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037187718334101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726255128504252,0.0,0.0,0.24519483069116024,0.0,0.11839590031948488,0.0,0.1131313917751125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972285086219175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449862349589344,0.0,0.07728601128119426,0.0,0.0,0.2522431284069188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585158266523991,0.08929894084476564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268853956094319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096852878478515,0.0,0.10945230231637168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417351592713864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887799782818328,0.11013608962721373,0.09207524079130457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014487527412535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17827072716016584,0.0,0.0,0.08195176061108017,0.12340920824949038,0.09246440516209643,0.19359944391736694,0.0,0.0,0.13254376506601945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011993925879269,0.0,0.13240788206541212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751396320777113,0.0,0.0,0.22127112119618025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190310823665536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224887834780684,0.2531809371792623,0.0,0.0 bpd,aipannoloc,2020/01/06,"DAE get super jealous ?? I’ve been with my bf for nearly a year and he just seems to trigger me constantly. He’s a flirty guy and very confident. I just keep getting insanely jealous of his ex or someone he said was hot on tv or anyone he really talks to, I think there must be something sexual going on and he’s gonna leave me. I want to control it cos it’s really about to break us up. Sorry for spelling I’m on my phone.",0.7057753357753356,2.5955180879120867,3.524761904761906,87.80079365079365,82.4065934065934,6.681807081807082,22.1990231990232,7.793537801064563,1.1078854700854697,330,11,71,6,9,117,65,91,0.092,0.792,0.11599999999999999,0.4859,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,2,4,3,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,3,1,16,14,5,0,2,4,1,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,2,9,1,14,8,0,9,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,3,2,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905575655712796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612745133658866,0.2711729133256449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25263649381158954,0.0,0.13740716170939835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393967557893577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21490207000683068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560064130780294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097764451944857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22998482615987595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22010425314737425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20485645133645264,0.1861313686281212,0.0,0.2706490070998299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19433079946543325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492062435012974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908273709650287,0.0,0.0,0.19949094066837475,0.14260604912073288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569614473170895 bpd,Chlorotarax,2020/01/06,"How to find a partner when you're too unstable? For example I was just on a walk outside, and ended up tearing up because I saw an attractive man (and I'm like I'll never talk to him, never be with him, and never be like him). Of course I'm aware I know absolutely nothing of this man, but these emotions pop up out of the blue. It's a lot more of an issue when I know someone or at least see them repeatedly. I guess it should be better now as my depression has quieted down a bit, but last year I was literally unable to go to lectures anymore without getting intrusive thoughts about >!harming myself in extremely violent ways!<. I really wish for nothing more than to find a boyfriend to the extent it interferes with my daily functioning, but my attempts at dating have always been hindered by extreme idolization and anxiety/bad social skills. I wish I knew how to socialize with guys without crushing on them or getting these feelings, but I don't. Any hope to find someone like this? (I'm in therapy, but I'm not sure if they even understand this issue.)",7.322374227714032,6.823727883495147,7.867034421888793,72.01516769638131,63.85436893203883,11.180229479258607,39.115622241835844,10.637119530657019,4.27246213592233,848,42,152,19,11,282,127,206,0.086,0.8,0.114,0.6119,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,3,3,9,9,1,0,9,0,10,0,0,2,4,42,29,17,0,5,12,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,0,4,8,8,0,1,9,0,0,2,7,2,0,0,6,5,20,7,34,19,6,24,0,1,3,0,13,11,0,6,14,109,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656618672617738,0.0,0.0,0.08709337064855424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701303754986687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693479360102813,0.07807151939624013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132693008840009,0.13982148394117985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110308249837307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440637931977125,0.11343380279677658,0.0,0.0,0.08459036645435751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475706536544804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3511665394356698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382469704517205,0.0,0.07278628479269073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108577753727916,0.1268114429303331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272044212682012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26734784563202363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077007415960718,0.104395796163994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770857077537534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088822580959836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963311295780102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24577712950011335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204622044984347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205682457728177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611066076054854,0.2170300270102321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070637048638665,0.0,0.0,0.10293944462514017,0.0,0.0,0.14646152532269155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167488425103316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332749759282958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945530227357701,0.2469137289845689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247418686613507 bpd,Anony222171717,2020/01/06,"Anybody else rely on an FP to make them happy and you're only truly happy with somebody you really like and become obsessive? I know. I'm completely aware of how unhealthy this really is, and yet I still can't snap out of it. I was with a girl for a month who broke up with me a few days ago. I just couldn't accept the breakup and kept going on and on about it with her. She said that I was draining her and she needs somebody to connect with her spiritually and fits her personality, but the other day she was saying how I'm everything she wants and that we did connect. This gave me false hopes and I kept going on about it. It eventually ended up with me getting angry and saying things I didn't mean and her best friend came to attack me and defend my ex entirely. It was horrible. I was told that I'm messed up, shouldn't be in relationships, that I'm a psycho, I can't function properly and I was obsessive (which was true). It used to upset me when she'd be online, but not replying to me. It used to upset me when she wasn't all that affectionate with me like I was with her, and it used to upset me that she never said the nice things I used to say about her to me. How do I stop this? How do I stop unfairly relying on others for my happiness? I feel empty and down most of the time when I don't have somebody in my life I'm really attached to. Why am I like this? Why do I make people my everything and then feel extremely empty when they're gone? Why do I always ruin things like this? I think I may always end things on a terrible note so that I split hard on them and not cry and miss them if we did end up on a good note which sounds absolutely awful, I know. I'm self-aware. How do I stop this cycle? I don't want to spend the rest of my 20s or my youth alone, because I know how harder it gets to find someone as you get older. I'm poor and don't have the money to get private therapy. I have to rely on the NHS in the UK which I think is awful and underfunded when it comes to mental health. I've never had a job because of mental health illnesses getting in the way. 😭 I'm sick of ruining things in my life and I'm sure I'm on a lot of people's blacklists to avoid now.",3.050960820895522,3.5936364008528834,4.945127265458424,85.7128508128998,73.05117270788912,8.165271855010662,23.61147388059701,8.376592526197632,1.166655063965885,1708,42,385,27,32,589,196,469,0.19399999999999998,0.708,0.098,-0.993,1,2,0,0,0,0,38.0,2,2,3,1,19,29,1,6,18,2,35,6,0,12,5,83,80,39,0,7,7,1,3,4,1,2,6,6,0,2,34,34,0,6,10,0,3,5,13,13,0,0,21,9,66,16,58,53,6,52,0,4,0,0,34,22,0,6,28,262,100,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520752487243977,0.0,0.0,0.08787097145641865,0.0,0.0,0.14119107712155862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965202939137028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343808157831044,0.09370158612144452,0.0,0.0,0.08903669439909645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970369180072628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730840755657526,0.08895547232011801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319521452515296,0.10943244933447986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087480310550351,0.0,0.22543512099232998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250146565618725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579756948301154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754426845758113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554890259512987,0.0,0.22163283802469835,0.0,0.09643559805665912,0.07116164389627977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709484198612943,0.07600198050699894,0.0,0.0,0.18036666311979305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426748580030602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419282981286029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988122551583934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985316352214695,0.16579852770011466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212983673470942,0.0,0.0,0.1132657053111174,0.0,0.0,0.09241806950336293,0.0,0.0,0.17100204153227033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772026490526041,0.0,0.0,0.0629094444224489,0.1308711285606126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452634511363202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763785034837185,0.07408096967748057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630563304591905,0.0,0.0,0.0910888122582791,0.0,0.0,0.16140879397239918,0.20240985885480134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850895760697057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188655290826979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775512083779997,0.2127957297798508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996280521981185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970244931927247,0.0,0.28182706491334786,0.10872696062314438,0.0,0.0,0.04947219124334437,0.0,0.0,0.08107039421429375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931058122226872,0.0,0.0,0.10008430028225053,0.06734381941924354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22967077020517004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Error_Expected,2020/01/06,"Tips on how to reasonably deal with gaslighting? Hi all, For background, I've done a lot of great work on myself in the past year, but one of the more pesky things I notice is hard to handle is gaslighting. It's literally an instant splitting trigger for me and I almost always react turbo awful to it. As a background, it's one of my most deeply-embedded traumas. The first time I was subjected to gaslighting was when I was six years old. I still haven't 100% worked through that. Still, I'd like to be able to govern myself better, as some people don't even realize they're doing it, and with others I'd rather not feel bad for reacting so aggressively to it. Anyone else out there who struggles with this or can offer some insight? Thanks in advance 🤘",4.39186732186732,5.8373751891891885,4.965380835380838,83.42728501228503,70.75675675675676,7.273710073710076,26.96805896805897,7.686295010490155,1.5458162162162163,600,20,113,7,11,192,105,148,0.134,0.757,0.109,-0.5966,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,5,8,8,1,1,6,1,11,0,0,5,1,24,13,9,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,4,4,2,9,4,24,8,6,15,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,6,10,83,19,3,0.18682359742959387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18707684621300188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554521991877734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063140318777566,0.19142285335793546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598990022683296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523028986786711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926069255532767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911854039380677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560671429720066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233952241269356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944636242814202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891205653473356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059736757113647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735724740264446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127257287968647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588307416595739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212699903932059,0.19603993839060133,0.0,0.2531930093019942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783442632772293,0.12951995917300288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920857735838356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983951324743053,0.0,0.0,0.1953085877852703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17200206797125422,0.0,0.0,0.12411729671471085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089383420567688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720196079741015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24061654298482496 bpd,stelmaria91,2020/01/06,"I am afraid I will ruin things with my boyfriend. Hello everyone, I am so happy that this page exists. I am currently in a relationship with a guy I met about a year ago, we've been on and off for most of the time. In November I started therapy and that's when I found out I have BPD, we (me and bf) haven't talked for a month even though he kept texting me. Eventually we started seeing each other again, and even though it's still hard for us, I noticed a huge difference in a way I think about him. In a way, I feel that all the emotions I tried so hard to hide under my indifference, arrogance, etc. are now coming to the surface. I actually feel I love him, which wasn't the case before, I would obsess for hours, days if I should stay with him, if we are compatible, but without the fear of abandonment. Now it's so different, but because I feel so strongly about him, I also feel very scared that he will get tired of my shit and leave me, leave me for a younger girl (I am 28 and he is 22), which he never even mentioned btw, in contrast to other guys I used to date who just left me like that so many times. I was always the one who blocked him and told him ""you will never see me again"" and shit like that. I still do it, despite the fact I know how it hurts him, or maybe he already knows it's just bullshit. Anyways, we haven't seen each other for over 2 weeks now. I went to see my family for Christmas, and then he went away for work (he is a chef, very passionate and very talented). I am literally going crazy, I feel like I'm dying every day. I feel like I'm unimportant to him, that he treats me like a piece of shit because he isn't helping me with my emotional rollercoaster and anxiety while he is fcking working 14 hours a day. Every day is like war for me, sometimes I manage to just be nice and comforting to him, listen to what he has to say because he is always so excited and happy, but sometimes, like yesterday, I just start to believe in these thoughts I have and I just blame him for me being so unhappy. The situation was: He didn't text me in the morning and I felt just abandoned, not important. I texted him around 1 pm asking how is it going babe? And he just sent me that pic of him next to a plane (he is working for some very rich people right now). I said I feel really bad, and he goes babe I can't right now, I will call you as soon as I'm free. And then I said I thought that he was fcking selfish, that he cares only about his ass, that he is just so impressed with all that wealth and it's pathetic, he doesn't know what's truly important (ME ofc) and shit like that. He didn't even respond to that. Later, when I was feeling somewhat calmer I started to read, sent him some fragments I found interesting, and then in the evening I felt a sudden surge of inspiration, and I wrote something about him, which for me had an enormous emotional load. I asked him if he wanted to read it and he said yes. I sent it to him, he later called and said it was ok, but he probably couldn't understand most of it because he was so tired working all day (his words). And then he said I should just be a doctor (I just graduated from medschool) not a writer, and I should focus on that, also he told me about the earlier situation that I only create problems for him and he can't work in peace. That made me so fucking angry I hang up on him and started to write and accuse him of him not loving me, not caring about me, being a narrowminded asshole and so on, I said I will never see him again and its over. He said something like please calm down, but also that I am weird and what the fuck I am doing and that was it. In the morning he didn't text me so I called him and told him I am blocking him and never to contact me again. He stayed calm the whole time but said that he had enough of me, that I am pissing him off with those constant accusations and blaming, that he can't focus because of me and I should maybe go to hospital if I can't manage my own emotions. Then I started to cry, said I loved him, and I'm sorry, blah blah. He said he loved me too, and that I don't have to worry about that, ever. He will be back tomorrow and I am so happy but also terrified about our future, I don't want to be such a pain in the ass for him (he said that he feels I ALWAYS have to be the number one for him, that I don't want him to care for his career or his family), but also I don't know if some of my concerns aren't true, if maybe sometimes he could be a bit more understanding and comforting. What do you guys think? Sorry for a lengthy post, it just needed to come off my chest. Thank you for being here <3333",4.7099232585596225,4.330452731404962,5.706387249114523,84.93834710743805,69.20661157024793,8.815112160566708,28.132821723730807,8.306716005460428,1.63233051948052,3596,105,802,46,56,1194,342,968,0.17300000000000001,0.6829999999999999,0.14300000000000002,-0.9793,2,0,2,0,0,0,117.0,6,4,0,6,68,59,8,4,36,2,77,19,8,4,10,153,162,89,2,18,32,0,13,11,1,11,4,13,0,6,56,57,0,5,24,2,3,11,27,21,0,2,44,31,142,39,99,96,19,104,0,4,5,9,130,32,9,14,65,558,198,12,0.0,0.0,0.04203017481634898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03817901783667293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04752889260402657,0.17221559474995313,0.10751324407257104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032948485214130754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03834149316389042,0.0805294017411269,0.0,0.04046574799491249,0.03311822482302885,0.035961708923108765,0.1312755727657492,0.0,0.03664945681123623,0.04852521927142457,0.0,0.0,0.04702136075045917,0.0,0.05424524468831009,0.0,0.13193806918396006,0.0,0.13173841871322012,0.0,0.0,0.07420210223203699,0.0,0.046543444114599535,0.0,0.03438794578403565,0.0,0.04731044883717827,0.1388831583720612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04469993216524505,0.08999811108234257,0.0,0.04408404108085032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19379212407383425,0.0,0.04450289506045831,0.04803451245584955,0.1422368732239018,0.03895934359342711,0.07257678215716143,0.04115529705283355,0.0,0.0,0.08120525661195509,0.048465802283377935,0.1959976908608464,0.06153853239105558,0.08270804185350179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444821607747964,0.0,0.07963517030371142,0.022502333617518758,0.0,0.07343313899520378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279384205610758,0.0,0.13754666932927498,0.07716464474321552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028868959650442793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483068513696564,0.0,0.04610740010458913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468073508234752,0.0,0.0,0.09120996936574596,0.0467957564401799,0.0,0.0,0.18937674326418416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554896768574768,0.04075394107071439,0.0,0.04366629027160342,0.12980902121298948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03437811849422559,0.0,0.0,0.031935910731986095,0.1328731708720852,0.0,0.04580550744160829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049035559494909765,0.0,0.0,0.05837078739484972,0.0655134572027766,0.04582959052271147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02985936310453032,0.0,0.0,0.047278002518020924,0.0,0.0,0.041249220832261776,0.0,0.0464368194581639,0.041212239689750435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616344957392894,0.0,0.027591789339088582,0.0,0.0,0.04624113602766105,0.0,0.07356320789824898,0.4506644885583109,0.034251047904417915,0.04312065311827648,0.0,0.13728507609069507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17684322928183585,0.0,0.09682512517413977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631488729698651,0.1277921998493005,0.09642683302203416,0.18291130087209584,0.09181392668155287,0.06879162614059782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03461809033014463,0.0,0.03965313327055391,0.04925437796925357,0.0,0.02861384032098869,0.055195122775267065,0.08463224904212525,0.06838564828335304,0.07534351150776006,0.0990054178576176,0.0,0.12346589115850065,0.0,0.029241749938839483,0.0,0.0,0.08967492241615405,0.05180799042787183,0.03719871133860204,0.0,0.14214927171812988,0.07621152854308154,0.06837403270903764,0.03454821173777615,0.0,0.0,0.07985277169561038,0.0,0.04808619438044063,0.0,0.041518009956569735,0.0,0.15677761747904614,0.0437397461613492,0.0,0.03059574157140208,0.0,0.0,0.027735712595245644 bpd,SpiritualFeeling8,2020/01/06,"Should I tell my therapist I think I have BPD? Hi well basically I have been struggling with pretty bad anxiety with depressive mood for the last five years of my life, but I’ve always been trying to categorize or label what I’m feeling because I always seem to be “over the top” with my feelings and have trouble opening up to those around me as I’m usually met with confusion whenever I try too. So three years ago I stumbled upon a description of BPD and instantly related to everything it described. I don’t really believe in self-diagnosis, and am certainly not trying to romanticize BPD, but every time I read about it it just feels, well, relatable. Anyway I am going trying out a new therapist this week and was wondering if I should mention this to them or just let them draw their own conclusions? I’ve only been in therapy for a year and never mentioned it so idk if this would be okay for me to do. Thanks for any advice",6.157714716223001,6.5701853038674045,7.2560020090406825,72.34800100452038,66.12707182320442,11.222702159718736,33.58161727774987,11.022393298168332,3.9036585635359113,744,31,135,21,11,252,114,181,0.10300000000000001,0.789,0.10800000000000001,0.2412,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,3,2,10,12,0,2,5,1,17,1,0,0,2,35,28,14,0,5,9,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,9,12,0,0,8,1,0,1,3,5,2,2,5,3,19,6,26,17,1,20,0,1,0,0,8,9,0,7,10,100,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161803458673764,0.11032370700720256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20711654918586944,0.0,0.0,0.08463509364393627,0.0,0.09520933840271034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107932025943474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391647725679397,0.07586789104406831,0.0,0.0,0.14022052888481082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4702480698006858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071947151104339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486047184981748,0.0,0.11185401356950923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18878774298772108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073183622990087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144914496450927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726581371066004,0.08790772810786378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598898559360723,0.12020143963671333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465523037270827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661761058589502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449077666415405,0.0,0.07973040312016921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330106665073393,0.1298358950531377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010958011468338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878098827723913,0.11458337340087454,0.14232753674146054,0.2890085638438584,0.0,0.07974708227611893,0.0,0.0,0.0725719340051718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379927966121343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707190896586444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983197592160377,0.0,0.22380375345050368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496841250204794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841075072259112,0.0,0.0,0.2404388695710233 bpd,emmamaestevens,2020/01/06,"I might be checking myself into the hospital today. I’m going to decide after my doctor’s appointment in an hour. I’m terrified. I’m terrified of having to go to the ER and explain my problems for the thousandth time. I’m terrified of being stuck in the ER all week until a bed opens up in the hospital. I’m terrified of being away from my family and my dogs and cats. I’m also terrified of myself right now. I can’t be alone without self-harming. My mind is constantly clouded with suicidal thoughts and impulsive thoughts. It takes everything in me not to go to the store and buy pills. I don’t think I can hold on much longer. I’ve never checked myself into the hospital prematurely before. It always comes after a suicide attempt. I’m afraid they won’t take me seriously. I’m afraid I’ll talk myself out of treatment before I’m admitted to the hospital and subsequently talk the social worker out of making me stay, which I’m really good at. It’s hard to stay in a holding tank comparable to solitary confinement voluntarily. I hate the ER. I have nightmares about the ER. Here’s hoping I have the courage to follow through. Here’s praying my doctor can find a way for my to go inpatient without having to go to the ER. I just feel weird about all of it. It’s hard to know if I’m making the right decision. I really hope I am, and that I can.",2.8472724477244733,4.837961874538745,5.055078413284132,78.93189191266914,76.01107011070111,8.354305043050429,27.15882533825338,9.075114841892004,2.5020441574415737,1072,43,201,26,24,373,135,271,0.17,0.7709999999999999,0.059000000000000004,-0.9826,0,1,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,1,2,7,10,1,2,19,0,17,3,0,2,3,42,50,10,2,4,5,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,7,14,0,3,10,0,4,7,7,6,5,0,3,3,26,4,45,41,3,36,1,0,0,0,6,16,0,4,10,132,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445592198897322,0.0,0.0960968505247636,0.09998788785722608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290008149627563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20450513660605088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351252360694277,0.0,0.12985695048356172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24599035368573455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799761399203307,0.0,0.11328197974455273,0.0,0.060759631067224325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982971129020963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414660458901426,0.1007896903217354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152905880112604,0.11863922441410675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387042606936768,0.11833948141218625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604018976906248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042371616681098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747732700225006,0.12133358601212615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833596860815726,0.0,0.0926795658269619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498280521595315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539630635471171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20524252184548647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535953274081882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249428736303294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561623179718221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628845937549251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18070002460066176,0.1931700469251248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699763588094358,0.0,0.1907970480450993,0.0700698657583292,0.0,0.1139034877327364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538232020386578,0.09639006107673824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231671818262162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,schwarzweissewelten,2020/01/06,"Whenever I start crying, for whatever reason, my boyfriend keeps telling me I should stop acting like a little child and cry over little things and start acting like an adult. He said he doesn’t mean it in a bad way but it breaks my heart. He used to be so supportive. We’ve been dating for 3,5 years but lately I feel like he’s getting sick of my mental illnesses. But he gets angry when i talk to others and seek support about it.",3.299458128078818,4.932507287356327,3.905418719211824,89.1993103448276,73.82758620689657,6.810509031198686,21.623973727422005,7.447530270364453,0.6543215106732352,342,8,70,4,7,108,64,87,0.20800000000000002,0.653,0.139,-0.7857,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,4,3,1,2,0,13,15,8,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,1,2,1,0,2,5,3,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,2,8,5,8,11,0,15,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,10,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606975989976406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38433245300842617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845623273034843,0.12497902519266982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18280057133676456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20730781800363648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15549701702240729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19734286770650555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564043464336319,0.350676879554235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19056377269749306,0.0,0.0,0.17630098934374006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17987012483981862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16641046978812682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24765053906334095,0.0,0.0,0.1462598432632594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3970455684587312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140612231568984,0.15290753938905788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622408697077267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15109423318641646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886128941400105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265729579477855 bpd,cokecolahead,2020/01/06,"What does it mean to ""identify with"" your mental illness? I've gotten this criticism from people at various points in my life, from family and friends and even people in the mental health field, that I shouldn't identify with a particular diagnosis. Problem is, I can't seem to figure out what this means. It seems like it's just a meme that people repeat, one of those common wisdom things, and so they say it to anybody who brings up a mental health diagnosis of theirs because it seems like the right thing to do. Funny how this is not an issue with physical illness, right? If you mention you have diabetes, unless you're doing it all the time and taking it to an obviously absurd degree, nobody is going to make it a big deal that you would identify with this label of ""diabetic"". It's a part of your life. But if I call a doctor's office and say, ""I think I would benefit from treatment for BPD,"" I'm told by them that I shouldn't be ""self-diagnosing"", I should stop identifying with BPD, depression, etc. If I mention it to a friend (not even BPD, just PTSD), same thing. Focus on something other than the disorder, don't identify with it, etc. All I can say to those people is, it must be real nice living in a reality where you don't have those sorts of things just shoehorned into your identity, especially considering it is literally a *personality* disorder. You know, personality, the thing we all identify with and identify others with? People are so hysterical about preventing people with mental illnesses from painting a victim narrative for themselves that they can't just take the illness seriously enough to say, maybe *treating* the illness is the solution, not telling the person who suffers from it, ""Hey, just don't think about it."" If you never factor the illness into your equations, then it will disappear. That seems to be the implication. I think people think the biggest problem with mental illness is that people with mental illness worry about having it too much, because you shouldn't feel bad about it, and if you do that's the real problem. No, the fact that my brain is *damaged*, and that my physical health suffers, is the problem. I have relatively few opportunities to grow and thrive as a human being, having experienced trauma after trauma, which in turn has made certain basic functions difficult or impossible for all of my life, is the fucking problem. My only intent bringing it up is to get help, and I need serious help, not just ""go to talk therapy once a week and take some Wellbutrin and don't think about it too much."" I'm glad not everyone is struggling as much as I am, but this is condescending. Why is my illness not taken seriously enough for me to get treatment? Why did I have to do all the work figuring out what treatment I even need, despite seeing countless mental health ""professionals"" who apparently failed to diagnose the problem accurately. Or, in at least one case: they failed to see an accurate diagnosis as being useful. I guess the assumption is that only bad can come from a BPD diagnosis. Only thing is, had I known from a doctor sooner that I had BPD, I could've fucking Googled it like I eventually did to find that it sucks but it can be treated with specific methods that have been studied, there is hope etc. Instead I had to find this after several more years of intense suffering, during which time I started self harming, because my doctors chose to hide it from me, because they believed I was just screwed up beyond help I guess. Could be paranoid, I'm sure some of my doctors were just stupid. But either way I'm pissed that I've never had my struggles validated by medical health professionals or family and friends. Namely in the sense that I haven't been treated properly by doctors despite medical knowledge as a whole being sufficient for them to have done a much better job. Guess this just turned into a rant. Oh well.",7.874180497925309,7.862716416320888,8.155515560165977,68.785140560166,62.56846473029046,10.992102351313967,36.05563623789765,10.577609850970193,3.929187026279392,3111,130,524,68,40,1023,297,723,0.14300000000000002,0.767,0.09,-0.9863,2,0,2,0,0,0,101.0,1,12,7,5,27,50,7,2,40,0,70,32,2,5,12,125,117,35,0,22,29,0,1,3,3,8,27,4,0,5,66,32,0,2,19,0,0,7,19,31,1,2,15,8,56,19,89,85,24,45,0,7,2,3,47,24,5,19,16,403,122,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793259908986203,0.11582947754449227,0.0,0.0,0.053519579819036864,0.0,0.042012516358992384,0.0,0.0,0.2991416367085658,0.05302902429390029,0.04850584315318271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04091960214475968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758545118119722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04897347585078543,0.04091423814443506,0.09642902851056392,0.0,0.0,0.10888503734421508,0.2431065115002627,0.04157016884911833,0.04861203062084976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816653196532778,0.15893510397571187,0.09412579030878876,0.0,0.0,0.04539112318637927,0.0,0.0,0.08956314424174497,0.0,0.024018928754688786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683370732481623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010202952372936,0.08783145995966471,0.04963668204861,0.0,0.05399406470593175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698962977293346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25246717694334386,0.0,0.0,0.09552071769086944,0.0,0.0,0.047181167251481804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049580758645537217,0.047139367539569814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026106389804346482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006582568600334,0.06962265449576407,0.0,0.041945992487161486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04494845844743756,0.03170860110152636,0.0,0.04772311783679576,0.10348931982212768,0.0,0.09570848869352763,0.33510274405829665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968059378953576,0.07044570016072751,0.0732744373036227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05058911233773891,0.0643784832296128,0.10838444693179818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051441086989881764,0.0,0.2634606237354319,0.12443328244495233,0.0,0.0,0.044905660626814926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727235591777008,0.05552842945640949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813755834850887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113455304205486,0.0,0.1511050723503375,0.0,0.0,0.07570743314626555,0.1729796778951623,0.0991119146951843,0.05366483451083946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036570106814246967,0.0,0.0,0.033622846407870235,0.0,0.0,0.03971460966149535,0.0,0.0993208357371054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04477098671145953,0.0,0.10714896405604724,0.03818108761639012,0.04151968924379134,0.0,0.0543237857085749,0.0,0.18935317354332548,0.15218992429839476,0.0,0.0,0.05539872721208084,0.0,0.0,0.04539112318637927,0.0,0.0,0.10333918029512662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04102731384923378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03770564621926075,0.038104016910516784,0.0,0.04271087458397031,0.0,0.08572808297224582,0.053035369174585525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03458272765579988,0.0482415715187765,0.0,0.06748949341142076,0.0,0.0,0.03059035500233685 bpd,crue-lty,2020/01/06,"It's all going the wrong way All I can think of right now is how much I want to die. No plans. No ideas. I just want to fucking disappear into thin air. I don't want to be here, I don't want to cry, be a depressed anxious mess. I don't want it. I never fucking asked to be born. I feel like it all is crumbling. It's too late.",-2.572109090909091,-0.8543604533333315,0.44242424242424505,104.0345454545455,100.2,3.260606060606061,14.818181818181818,4.851557810540192,-1.3170000000000002,246,6,66,1,11,85,45,75,0.271,0.583,0.146,-0.9159,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,2,0,2,0,9,2,0,1,4,15,20,1,1,5,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,0,2,8,1,7,17,4,11,0,1,0,2,1,4,2,0,5,42,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22474639086526324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18598272106479544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21852704277676346,0.0,0.0,0.17134735328600242,0.0,0.2064690618770196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005904070937897,0.14212329232513696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678349856156621,0.0,0.0,0.11306259752233633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22457986121962925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22441380089254775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719238841729544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462443218835149,0.0,0.1534353499529184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698942905245051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747318248121364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5867019642719661,0.1579098860597372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175104504600909,0.0,0.0 bpd,Quinlov,2020/01/06,"My FP cut me out and I'm almost out of heroin My FP cut me out fully a week ago (as in completely no contact) and I had just run out of codeine which I've been addicted to for the last five years. So after two days of practically non stop crying I went and bought some heroin and that has helped me cope, helped me have a social life among other things. But it turns out that my opioid tolerance is higher than I expected and I've been burning through it quite quickly and now I am probably going to be out of heroin by the end of tomorrow and without money to buy any more. I had thought that this amount would last me at least twice as long as it had done (also one of the dealers scammed me so I would have had 3g instead of 2g) I've done three courses of DBT and although I like know the info on what sort of coping skills exist for normal humans, for some reason when I do them it just doesn't work. Freaking out about what I can do for now because I have a deadline in a week's time and I'm not going to be able to study if I'm just stuck in bed crying all day. Also not looking forward to that in itself. I'm going to attempt to do as much of the studying as possible while my heroin stock lasts (I have 620mg left) but yeah freaking out. I'm seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist on the 13th but until then I'm screwed, and to be honest unless they give me some opioids I'm still kind of screwed because withdrawal is awful",4.093486190724335,4.252639759075913,5.311321869029007,85.38703491401773,70.55115511551155,7.831092582942505,27.498523536564182,7.475848149327749,1.3695848184818482,1129,35,243,11,19,377,165,303,0.12,0.835,0.044000000000000004,-0.9628,0,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,4,14,9,4,0,11,2,26,4,0,1,1,45,45,30,0,5,11,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,1,15,19,0,1,4,0,3,6,5,6,0,5,12,2,24,3,53,28,8,46,0,0,2,2,8,18,2,6,25,175,39,2,0.13140793223582467,0.0,0.0,0.14325404267635067,0.0,0.0,0.1164852032261286,0.0,0.13158606229769454,0.0,0.0,0.21017375186522144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936190009036506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021011161325674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377787168087274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28869088623984984,0.16949449037022113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689518770736689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638842402023845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605846262113066,0.22404646855981766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17615993403468774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684113982618376,0.07221836294248946,0.32134501066583115,0.0,0.0,0.142775102868644,0.0,0.09281730873241276,0.06419927801937993,0.0,0.0,0.11629188486223238,0.11034956714465742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659995018380188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875187304529595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904541574701147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481426991912584,0.0,0.0,0.14167997654888453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397685112549016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510924029863594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047151085496122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395383832330107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494254443007564,0.10986291540685003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730159112864229,0.0,0.0,0.10432321978677586,0.07662502204130736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429340955349232,0.12836645547504436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21081503367059248,0.0,0.0,0.12181646970234646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266725573723377,0.0,0.09566653972859973,0.0,0.0,0.18669684956513066,0.0,0.0,0.0846223999815766 bpd,takeamile,2020/01/06,"🤍 Toxic/Negative Coping Mechs? 🤍 How many of you feel as though the coping mechanisms that work for you could be seen as negative/emotionally dangerous/toxic? And if you don’t mind discussing, what are they? I always feel like I’m bad at helping people because I view my own mechs as quite risky and generally wouldn’t recommend to others but I’m also not sure if it’s just in my head aha.",2.981428571428573,5.063331282051284,4.6403296703296695,81.64038461538463,75.92307692307692,8.046886446886448,23.96336996336997,8.841846274778883,1.8720600732600727,312,10,60,7,7,105,60,78,0.094,0.835,0.071,-0.3978,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,1,2,4,3,0,0,1,0,5,1,1,1,1,15,10,11,0,4,5,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,4,8,2,8,6,1,2,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,2,1,37,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166851959447222,0.2254589505704848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262388013067269,0.1651736200127703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21633809589570505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30479153498302824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740092415398735,0.1935726112473641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780813119767904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18161758775850287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323765029046995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747091132315727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735905673926148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18784831752559736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28819742693266365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553749219436771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662150819378747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19726081608647733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,-thenorthremembers-,2020/01/06,"I’m in a kinda bad place right now, and don’t know how and if I want to get out of it I was diagnosed with BPD at 22, and I’m 25 now. I’ve lost a big part of my memory due to a panick attack, and since that moment my life has been a living hell. I constantly have intrusive thoughts or flashbacks of things happening but I can’t even tell if they happened for real or not. My psychiatrist told me I was raped in a psychiatric ward after attempting suicide, and I also get constant paranoia and fear of being followed which gives me massive anxiety. People told me I’ve always identified as a lesbian, but right now I don’t how to identify and feel like I should try everything to understand. I’ve also been in rehab almost 2 years ago, but right now I’ve started smoking weed again, because I’m so scared of all the nightmares I have and need some sleep. Also, I’m not always taking all the meds, because I’m scared they’ll get me numb, and I feel like i constant need to be in control in order not to let all the anger and frustration and whatsoever go out. Can anyone relate? Any suggestion on how to deal with this? Thank you 🙏",6.3661063218390765,5.3011769612068935,7.259482758620693,77.45045977011496,66.02586206896552,10.491954022988507,32.69540229885057,9.725611199111238,2.8739126436781604,893,31,181,16,12,301,134,232,0.215,0.738,0.047,-0.9925,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,2,3,13,14,5,3,9,0,16,7,1,4,3,45,43,26,1,6,10,0,2,2,0,2,4,0,0,0,5,15,0,1,5,0,0,2,6,11,0,0,8,2,21,3,26,30,5,31,1,1,0,2,9,14,1,7,16,115,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999330050381464,0.0,0.11295618932736393,0.0,0.0,0.2706262239266009,0.187722728902716,0.0,0.0,0.07671009777938394,0.0,0.08629419953274464,0.0,0.0,0.07887467535013468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833001445532485,0.0,0.0,0.09418602600942368,0.13752766351958995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420717807939773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657008108807253,0.1265184690417963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629522727674332,0.0,0.11449295350078505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450550178029422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138031339613617,0.0,0.0,0.1269350498384271,0.11407345425026184,0.16117336984064196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17680517218221808,0.10821118377974544,0.06410870289974335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19950313382452506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061993731972835586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534899523818318,0.0796762918120888,0.11021996822476852,0.0,0.09960736184023126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313810410200485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529901307793945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728440382345722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215495835089026,0.0,0.0782035902687853,0.0,0.1178554174013896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839482706525354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890001512687637,0.0,0.0,0.22587152155783785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933120379077362,0.0,0.11288474398790865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984274133631035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233884783040498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481402712311782,0.0,0.09859503768485384,0.10385410352886744,0.0,0.0,0.07494148608077777,0.0,0.0,0.08955320312584286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21557673396065352,0.0,0.07658602170962989,0.0,0.0,0.11743219146147853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653429647373289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264161315223394 bpd,catchingeevees,2020/01/06,"How do you describe how bpd feels to someone without it? I have bpd but I struggle to explain it to people who know I have it. Sometimes I'll just point to a moment in a movie and be like ""that's it"" or send them a meme but I can't really put words to it. Other than feeling emotions much more intensely I don't know what to say. Does anyone else have a way of explaining it?",0.6117592592592587,2.4734954074074054,2.7809722222222213,93.15812500000004,82.58024691358024,5.531481481481482,22.47067901234568,6.6274283507984215,0.4713567901234574,292,10,66,3,8,99,55,81,0.04,0.887,0.073,0.3421,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,7,0,0,2,0,15,13,6,0,0,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,10,1,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,3,7,1,10,12,2,6,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,2,47,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115559687809246,0.22149831471866152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5445333303780242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18917746403387095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18058768085865448,0.24316940436277834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186106121971462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376098416242405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561289165972346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891456084625746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986952798998546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043566151722925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173170358205384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384881663474236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191218595746527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18316560054922185,0.0,0.2138040319789535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259945575235349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17159080006164926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20838637895563705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Petee3634469,2020/01/06,"Why am I so bored I don’t know why all the sudden I have no interest, everything makes me upset, I can’t stay clam, I have no control, my room is a mess. I don’t know what’s going on but I’m not my self lately and I can’t get control :/",-2.8748214285714297,-1.233034553571425,1.047142857142859,100.0228571428572,99.89285714285714,4.228571428571429,14.142857142857142,5.985473137389443,-0.8899571428571424,179,4,48,2,8,66,38,56,0.23600000000000002,0.7240000000000001,0.04,-0.7731,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,2,0,8,0,0,3,1,9,14,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,0,0,10,1,1,14,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5822401719776259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332769735279191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561007421493593,0.0,0.14751467704402094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852962214826857,0.0,0.2927964692863652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325919344966384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707790600152478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766578263144376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4684274296491177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jacob-gold97,2020/01/06,"DAE not want to take their meds? I've been on Wellbutrin XL for about 3 weeks now, following two weeks on Prozac which did nothing (and may have triggered a short hypomanic episode--not entirely sure whether I'm bipolar. Or BPD for that matter, thought my therapist/psychiatrist seem to indicate they think it's these two). It's my first time trying meds. I also happen to be on break now from college. And things are...better. Like, much better. I don't know whether to accredit it to the meds or to the lack of academic stress, but I'm doing much better than the end of this semester, when there were days when I couldn't get out of bed, or walked around like a ghost, unable to concentrate, and was so depressed I was literally non-functional. I've been enjoying (mostly) time with friends, I've been getting some work done and planning for the future. Sure, I've self-harmed a couple of times, but not nearly at the same frequency as in school; and I've had 2-3 days when I've felt extremely depressed, but it's not nearly as debilitating as it was back in school. But I still want to self-destruct, even though it makes no sense. I want the depression back even though I know how terrible it makes me feel. I'm annoyed that I'm not getting nearly as many suicidal thoughts. I have no idea why. It's like there's still a part of me that wants to destroy myself, but the rational part of me is keeping it down using meds, and now that part is trying to get back out. It's this twisted nostalgia for madness, for the desire to die, for totally incapacitating depression. I feel like I'm having all the thoughts I used to, just without the same intensity, without the drive to action, and that feels illegitimate somehow. Even though I'm not as depressed, I still want to die. And so every time I look at my meds in the morning, I face this conundrum: should I take them or not? Take them, and maybe I'll be on the way to defeating the last remnants of this monster; don't take them, and let myself be destroyed. And today, I decided not to take them.",6.217618944869997,6.088356734491318,6.4692847124824695,79.88914446002806,66.02233250620347,9.887107562843887,32.41007659941741,9.54385415503706,2.7328729960081986,1616,60,326,29,23,520,190,403,0.195,0.7240000000000001,0.08,-0.9953,0,0,0,0,0,1,63.0,0,0,6,6,28,22,4,1,18,0,25,3,1,6,4,76,64,37,4,9,21,0,4,4,1,2,2,0,1,0,22,15,0,1,13,0,0,4,14,12,0,3,14,5,29,10,56,43,12,48,0,6,1,0,7,17,0,9,29,222,51,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057207755846838876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368269908737988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502158145208287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265365361154362,0.0,0.0,0.09009778465436333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915383560474416,0.0,0.09227031764368007,0.0,0.3080716427671645,0.0,0.14848729636781596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320673101009383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336015307009367,0.0,0.0,0.1417476563773205,0.0,0.06027263152074721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085130923788824,0.051105727987523775,0.06868630961956697,0.0,0.0,0.060848955711951626,0.0,0.0,0.055268963643141385,0.0,0.14949958619534112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325953785030149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075606124230103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358497549942957,0.0,0.0,0.07862923772749161,0.05831183881470755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315097252238831,0.0,0.13979658601065328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060072687849852625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955024096668862,0.07252683696334541,0.07186808297909049,0.0,0.3973049199007089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517519558723157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686412522647876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23240134818724945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479762223406628,0.0,0.06512419142007887,0.14925645331659446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138755167348496,0.0,0.08194488013454126,0.0,0.0,0.07824937848276152,0.0,0.13484470981290642,0.0,0.2689329263243788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305945208719535,0.04752570733504958,0.045837734849860805,0.21085290128634307,0.17037609788338814,0.16685415809710827,0.0,0.06780828800043362,0.0,0.0,0.09713724784705652,0.0,0.13976163585735799,0.0,0.0,0.12356922723320103,0.0,0.0,0.2109705629900176,0.056782386275204974,0.11476461611442587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455061257478592,0.0,0.0,0.13791736923073936,0.0,0.05207946281527336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Azakstan,2020/01/06,Suspect someone I know has BPD How would I go about telling someone that they may have BPD but be respectful about it without hurting their feelings,6.602222222222222,8.575761259259263,4.971296296296298,83.46583333333334,66.03703703703704,6.881481481481483,43.12962962962963,7.1686216300943375,3.519607407407406,122,8,20,1,2,35,23,27,0.052000000000000005,0.722,0.226,0.742,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,8,8,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,3,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6870647871873695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791594138219387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501611955770492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919958350510421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990207776248532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4622182971757963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23840476344457295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26293145914595684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937612853659524,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,The_Ole_Roparino,2020/01/06,"Does anyone deal with the constant desire to ""punish"" yourself? It just feels like I always have to punish myself for doing something ""wrong"". Did something weird in public? Skip a meal. Said the wrong thing to someone? Self harm. I even have moments where I feel compelled to confess everything I've done wrong. Shit fucking sucks lmao",3.6520762711864414,6.895837152542375,2.8862500000000004,87.50530720338983,84.25423728813557,3.6279661016949154,24.32415254237288,5.148860815047168,0.6119983050847453,268,10,41,1,8,78,47,59,0.289,0.5710000000000001,0.14,-0.9033,0,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,11,5,0,3,0,5,3,1,1,0,7,10,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,0,0,3,3,4,1,7,7,0,4,1,0,0,1,5,2,3,0,3,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618493626048229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600714208344264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101981061504302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20053307895900294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021854804748632,0.19905305893643224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847318003716338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481462367133138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19670197603086506,0.13895923700905607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798229836579332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950286185789862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18502522224371573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029181824453716,0.0,0.19966352183264954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648091792379253,0.2994893047683461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922496733059805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.638004209083844,0.0,0.0 bpd,budgie988,2020/01/06,"How about I post something that doesn't go against the rules then. FML. This is based on my last light-hearted post about Joe from the Netflix show 'You'. From now on I will post only solid facts with research, because apparently my opinion is not valid as it is not deemed professional. Taken directly from a reliable source: To define stalking, it is viewed as an illogical or irrational preoccupation with another individual. (Sansone, 2010) Existing research suggests that there might be an association with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and stalking. This association is gaining momentum because according to the DSM IV, BPD is characterised by a “pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships.” Researchers also surveyed self-referred stalkers and they scored highly on the BPD characteristics scale. (Lewis, 2001) In the television series, Goldberg is seen to have been involved in another intense relationship with a woman named Candace, before Beck, who routinely torments him with flashbacks. He is evidently uncomfortable with talking about her and avoids the topic, suggesting that she may have been murdered and thus, victimized by Goldberg. With Beck as well, Goldberg gets severely affected with Beck’s every behaviour to the point where he murders other people who are getting closer to Beck, suggesting the intensity with which he feels for her. Additionally, psychiatrists in the United Kingdom conducted retrospective analysis on stalkers as depicted by their victimised patients and the most common diagnosis was BPD.",11.946571428571431,13.251715228571431,10.837448979591837,48.53290816326536,53.85714285714286,13.857142857142856,49.33673469387754,13.023866798666859,7.468632653061228,1281,78,152,42,14,407,164,245,0.11599999999999999,0.8390000000000001,0.046,-0.9601,1,1,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,1,2,1,9,5,3,1,15,0,19,1,0,3,1,30,25,14,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,11,16,0,1,1,2,0,1,3,4,1,0,5,3,11,1,37,16,1,19,0,0,2,0,22,11,0,5,4,110,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027072096935125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693447873603271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565821933752771,0.0,0.1092863701260711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6470236019179878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719446495437344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820969486995284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493919555993917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420108096502706,0.0,0.07299099728438206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15219281354069708,0.0,0.13569570474404524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046894108692328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624630239275753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767849997037456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903873868520724,0.11214207129977954,0.0,0.0,0.12140997240036068,0.0,0.3690077295146583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757763059352969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339828282194756,0.14509186561082044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887340698300924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322896332035253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547600084383615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GiaSeason6Winner,2020/01/06,"Anyone else daydream about extremely emotional events, sometimes movie like, and find themselves tearing up and on the verge of a breakdown? I'm not sure if this is entirely specific to BPD. I found myself doing this a lot. I can feel myself believing the events and I'll react as if it was real-life, I have to stop and remind myself it's not real.",2.682731092436974,5.191660970588238,4.163277310924372,82.51617647058826,79.0,6.8268907563025225,24.420168067226893,7.957251820313856,1.723052100840336,278,10,49,5,7,92,50,68,0.065,0.865,0.069,0.0595,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,1,1,16,8,7,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,6,2,7,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,4,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781985863367205,0.245917561978612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27040793046078776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022829071921955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004967047110015,0.2699777970980991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135575126713287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21936385871614508,0.0,0.0,0.2631574573869493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725626383866247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20404705118015085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5463655256071701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373750172873512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006582533707236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262056223585477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,alilpeachy,2020/01/06,"just had to delete my old alt account and i’m pretty pissed about it one of the things i dislike about reddit is blocking somebody only stops you from seeing their messages and their posts, they can still see everything you do. so this massive creep sent me a creepy pm about a comment i made months ago, he would have had to scroll pretty far into my post history to find it and i worry he might have been just watching the account and the thought gives me the creeps so i just purged my post history and deactivated the account. i can’t stand men that think that sort of thing is okay. just ugh. so yeah starting from scratch",2.8796341463414628,5.2622690975609725,2.8936788617886187,92.57271341463415,77.53658536585365,5.400813008130082,24.071138211382113,6.42735559955562,0.5755479674796748,501,17,101,4,12,151,82,123,0.127,0.789,0.085,-0.674,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,3,0,11,3,1,0,7,2,12,1,1,1,0,19,21,8,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,2,3,0,3,1,1,2,0,1,6,4,15,1,11,13,0,13,0,0,3,0,12,2,1,2,6,66,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387240053358434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661454841410915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896401578588865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17734014540195386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492451437677395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611342722223005,0.0,0.0,0.14755813854554872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939855865489581,0.0,0.12526986802475426,0.14059879100348288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5311510788601049,0.3761500108980671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946282572362067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084898310226373,0.0,0.14763408739970638,0.15455610823281193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24563328066449314,0.11845455670995254,0.0,0.14676281608630085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18774021984674896,0.0,0.13132337869086896,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lexlux97,2020/01/06,Anyone finding normal life mundane? Ever since graduating college and joining the workforce im finding myself miserable. A majority of my job involves programming and I am finding myself hating things I used to love in the past that I have done for moat of my life including pc gaming. Any thoughts or similar experiences?,5.440952380952382,8.748427857142858,6.592857142857145,64.41880952380957,74.0,8.733333333333334,37.904761904761905,9.2995712137729,4.824640476190476,264,16,34,7,6,88,45,56,0.11599999999999999,0.813,0.071,-0.3939,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,3,0,3,3,0,1,1,10,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,7,1,5,5,1,3,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,24,9,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631495343394416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044361544372814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22018153894563736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946229090680084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210466004279322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5899520880001935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212424177209156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324077762919022,0.0,0.21351131308912746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039451979269461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19418867496751305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108093526447599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20539284663816032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798108562659304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294154698791775,0.0,0.0,0.17081157663104565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582760248356084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BeautifulAndrogyne,2020/01/06,"My feelings are not valid My feelings are not valid. It’s not cute or sweet or charmingly self-effacing, it’s the truth. It’s like I’m watching myself from the outside, caught in a storm. I’m not in control. And I see this person who’s not me feeling things that aren’t okay to feel and wanting things from people that aren’t okay to want from them. Feelings and needs which, if so much as hinted at, create chaos, hurt, destruction and devastation in my life and the lives of anyone else who’s touched by them. If you have no one in your life who sees you clearly and cares enough to help you through the storm, the only answer is to swallow everything and let the storm rip you to pieces. Because in the end you know it’s the least destructive option. My feelings are not valid and nothing I can do will make them valid. Being someone who’s deeply rational but emotionally irrational is the worst because you’re always fighting a war with yourself that you can never win.",5.713568935427574,6.2906971413612585,5.444725130890053,84.37591841186737,67.1151832460733,8.251483420593367,30.57635253054101,8.07648339933343,1.9799839441535767,778,28,153,9,12,240,110,191,0.17800000000000002,0.73,0.092,-0.9706,2,0,0,0,2,0,18.0,0,7,3,2,1,15,4,0,11,2,14,3,0,2,3,37,31,15,1,5,11,0,7,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,15,9,1,1,8,0,0,1,10,6,0,1,1,11,18,9,19,27,5,9,0,1,3,0,17,6,0,5,3,105,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386907013869467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124944167212262,0.16484552496660998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961478031065254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403281071843356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18044602169376905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439863455150453,0.1809737837911541,0.14249620981296093,0.16623704079291285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459291492340806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4880892368415983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783771295193106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17223054234177282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884180972878548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16451564308944894,0.22727543242802925,0.0786002033062964,0.0,0.1420642560063204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739187601457482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118268864667495,0.11929406587817892,0.12408430224898175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15437333735174152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901972727942508,0.12236016603759538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153728663528176,0.14047843146856906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25640876580437,0.0,0.16783796958485164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631719779318474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21376946979382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18978808700115785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,honeyatdusk,2020/01/06,"FP or a crush? i really like someone, ive never talked to him before and we only share one class together. its overwhelming and weird how much i like him, i have the biggest crush on him and i honestly wonder at this point if liking him is a good or bad thing. for one thing, ive struggled with school and waking up in the morning / being on time for YEARS. nothing has ever helped me . i start liking him and suddenly im waking up at 4 - 5 am, getting ready early, etc, and i LOVE going to school which i hated and ditched every day in the past. the problem is i feel almost obsesed w him, like everything i do is for him when ive never even talked to him before. altered my playlists based off the band t shirt he wore.... ;-; thinking of him whenever i get dressed, every day that i wake up leads to the moment i get to see him, even if its just for a moment. and when he's gone i want nothing but the day to be over, so i can see him again. the amount of times i get to pass by him in the hallway, just getting to see him at all, affects my mood for the whole day. he skips a lot of classes so i skip mine aswell and walk around the school hoping ill pass by him. (which has worked 3 out of the 826262 times iv done this) i would do angthing, ANYTHING, for him to talk to me , i want to get to know him so bad (TW TW TW) (# This paragraph mentions eating disorders #) (u can skip to the end tho) for a while i was managing my ed. not going on any diets / trying to restrict, just eating everyday and kinda hating myself. when i started to like him, oh boy that rlly kicked off my eating issues. i decided im gross n need to loose weight for him to like me. to the point i dont eat for 3 days then eat little 2 days in between & repeat.... exercising for HOURS. literally waking up every 2 hours innthe night to exercise and going untill i black out. and when im doing it i tell myself its for him and if i eat im giving up on him. errghhh. i know this isnt going to work out (hes a cancer and im an aries) but he's quiet, unapproachable, i have so much anxiety that id prob faint if i talked 2 him. im kind of scared of what is going to happen i know it will end badly when i come to the conclusion that its not gonna work and rlly accept it and so basically when reality hits i'm probably gonna spiral and hurt myself in some way. he's just so perfect.",1.6612409756097577,2.9875414480000018,3.845297560975613,89.21455121951222,77.52000000000002,6.5580487804878045,21.39512195121951,7.217587316427113,0.5278043902439022,1804,46,404,21,41,622,231,500,0.113,0.795,0.092,-0.9379,0,0,0,0,0,2,69.0,1,0,0,6,23,28,2,3,22,0,26,20,5,3,5,66,64,42,0,10,14,0,2,7,0,4,6,1,0,1,20,24,8,1,9,3,0,11,6,12,0,2,4,7,67,15,68,53,8,77,0,2,4,1,40,28,0,12,44,261,87,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405102684968947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930531399227835,0.0,0.043497931027665714,0.0,0.04893252971933697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05263718524390548,0.056941806020302035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16022260621712678,0.0,0.0,0.10885785024461468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05509959788908949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24751016856975305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330865232487438,0.0,0.0,0.06545770729405652,0.07496570665458838,0.0,0.0,0.3927088083989361,0.0,0.0,0.11330680380187877,0.0,0.0713371250005652,0.08449566019173678,0.05785938946333216,0.1616780950668435,0.0,0.057487006369758814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032342282103041534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20051230300956727,0.06136040423270634,0.1817619855619316,0.05365023684652002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056563436927560426,0.0,0.0,0.12630304684509272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042873935383705916,0.0,0.0,0.06353100243491609,0.12598394113110972,0.0,0.06847512749786636,0.0,0.4145546515723269,0.06676213162436508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666089961816767,0.10545935237590257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21874815051407007,0.06410905266637118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05438017747535887,0.057730296130696586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404227005293957,0.04742873278850459,0.09866645371321024,0.0,0.0,0.06002618125491605,0.0,0.12275098032792768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668775727858409,0.04864774770004476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061061181150401475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093391498422898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896435552167879,0.061205215666615125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0409771812898275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403944298241541,0.194205920185796,0.15291384464652846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05419676076103396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090548549832248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686939540324502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056483899514752,0.05590763501853428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499010396330177,0.040985753487764114,0.0,0.0,0.111894328132315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0434275745494369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545562638473119,0.05077189991925656,0.0,0.07789130966769219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141387897861821,0.0,0.0,0.0693665765010734,0.13970036030664285,0.0,0.0,0.0454384176995702,0.0,0.0,0.04119092492518555 bpd,liquorsiccc,2020/01/06,"is loving someone supposed to feel this intense ? i feel so overly clingy. so needy. and creepy. and i don’t mean to. but it feels so incredibly intense. every day it feels as if that love is only growing more. i feel crazy. like one big long high of love.....",-0.4031372549019601,1.6902769215686284,1.1964705882352966,96.57745098039221,103.31372549019608,3.050980392156863,17.43137254901961,5.033348758259628,-0.6510627450980389,197,6,41,1,9,63,38,51,0.091,0.637,0.272,0.8784,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,10,12,8,0,1,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,3,4,5,12,1,6,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,1,3,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446538488570115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887347769700711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5663210031850952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366747138640661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943805179974543,0.0,0.0,0.19823832466778168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6065226773066972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440082820478389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517923117158667,0.1703667118628829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18979961788586927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,anon2ndsky,2020/01/06,"how in the hell do you find a relationship? like ever? i cant leave the house because of physical stuff, cant talk yo anyone because of mental problems...sooo how do i meet anyone? like its been 10 years, this shit aint changing. this is not good. afraid im going to end up alone forever. i have some close friends, but they dont know whats going on and we all know its a full time job giving us what we really need and thats just is not the place of friends. so i dont know what im trying to say, this sucks. i dont want to go through life like this anymore like i just dont fucking want it. its so tiring. i want go be weak and have someone else be strong for me but god forbid that ever happens.",0.08388157894736993,2.0123730460526343,2.088684210526313,97.0082894736842,84.98684210526315,4.852631578947369,18.71052631578948,5.985473137389443,-0.3579815789473684,541,14,129,4,16,180,91,152,0.14300000000000002,0.684,0.17300000000000001,0.7766,1,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,3,1,1,1,8,15,4,1,5,0,16,5,1,2,3,27,31,9,0,4,6,0,0,4,2,0,3,1,0,0,14,6,0,1,4,0,0,4,9,7,0,0,1,1,13,8,11,28,3,15,1,0,0,1,12,6,4,1,9,77,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893072564639615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388191813845225,0.16058560558187185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400003425213182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214764222534256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5383263026538325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592692129918706,0.0,0.10170655936926208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077431974803996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495384271417896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17743694923937897,0.10615980266143576,0.0,0.11015676705395136,0.261045381994235,0.09631515171051153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015450504819031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250004765892726,0.0,0.0,0.24807528978676385,0.0,0.11395247119616987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932504533828906,0.0,0.0,0.12158989943381734,0.0,0.0,0.08110883191825631,0.22440333688877626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572306843412344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514604710936031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997439920032656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356395170983986,0.0,0.0,0.1232859767064081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131855868740267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787280827662007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729629432672064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314545092123578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922971502151138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695912775707051,0.13198183142063089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779630002960532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812806625848578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031916501165026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394767323423053 bpd,zipzipto,2020/01/06,"Forgetting you have bpd Does anyone have a good few days or weeks and completely forget about the disorder, and then it all comes back and hits you and you think you’ll never be okay? I just experienced this and now I remember everything but I feel like my brain blocks everything out a lot",2.9177380952381005,5.598507678571429,3.6428571428571423,85.56880952380955,79.35714285714286,8.733333333333334,21.833333333333336,9.2995712137729,2.0394619047619056,234,7,46,7,6,74,44,56,0.127,0.7809999999999999,0.092,0.0182,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,4,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,1,4,1,1,0,2,19,8,8,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,8,3,2,5,3,8,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,7,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037408207769175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18736097853767636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30688366239818177,0.27200729005452223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098931714794078,0.2554748905446591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15714178277392746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792576737914088,0.0,0.21323019094390985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4379752502039534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320278955852933,0.17407212657339205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043720606637544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904090780447965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20715265361630286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879270964025733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760214598584577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15612872170748554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19545089727803186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Much_Growth,2020/01/06,"I am insanley jealous and angry of other people's happiness. I want to be happy for other people when they get married or pregnant. I try to really hard. I'm here in the corner of my basement by myself trying to be quiet while losing my fucking mind because my SIL just called to say she is pregnant ( she isn't really my SIL, I'm not married) I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years. She has only known her now husband for less than 5. It not right to be jealous of people who are close to you. I'm fighting myself and it is not working. I want to calm down. I want to stop feeling jealously. Do I even want to be married, to have children? The way I fucking lose it everytime someone I know 'gets' one of these things would suggest I do. IT just causes my biggest secret melt downs when other people get these milestones in their lives. I feel like trash. I know I dont deserve these things,I'm not made for them. I tell myself this all the time. But I still lose my fucking mind everytime someone else gets to experience all that love and attention. Gets to experience a great milestone. I hate myself for this and my boyfriend doesnt deserve this. He is a good and sweet person. I just want to disappear.",2.157223374827108,4.4305807717842365,3.5536358921161835,87.47009422544953,79.4564315352697,5.8423928077455045,24.979426002766253,6.996647511020387,1.1279915629322264,950,36,184,11,24,311,128,241,0.129,0.736,0.135,-0.1479,0,0,0,0,2,0,25.0,0,1,3,4,9,19,8,0,5,0,19,4,0,2,2,36,42,10,0,6,9,1,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,2,16,7,0,1,7,0,0,1,7,11,0,1,2,6,37,8,29,35,3,18,0,3,0,4,20,8,3,1,9,131,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681903282513844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192707053758606,0.0,0.0,0.11260268701028815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846555315457367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156754887408687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239831524370734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21444498318019276,0.0,0.0,0.11084719523268027,0.07830750857180085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040061993133146,0.2863411937486323,0.0,0.0,0.09193813626167208,0.0,0.12084865691978912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333700327046989,0.09819166699119372,0.10822008823863838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048081398709087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053551347316734256,0.0,0.0967902371071664,0.0,0.0,0.3678865368329773,0.0,0.0,0.0989299608736944,0.10371841724953078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213556511244591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427656716313437,0.08336558270311291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039672532192365,0.09570979409261612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044171651360635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360885463525576,0.0,0.08716861202748488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857493822457332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753703808600985,0.09164132871408956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580654380159068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282196890784604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391618870305328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488399865917473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32326276956218203,0.08700565230297516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979952818238689,0.0,0.0,0.07786588994804837,0.0,0.0,0.0705871416625751 bpd,karmaChameleon676,2020/01/06,"It really isn't easy. To fight off near constant suicidal ideation. You put on a happy face in a social setting so no one knows. Yet underneath it all your still calculating out ways to die. I know its wrong, I shouldn't but man oh man does my does my wise mind take a beating sometimes. They don't understand why you are so tired all the time. Or why you are way too talkative or why you have fallen silent with nothing to say but a slow rock of your body in a subtle rocking motion. When your brain is essentially a full on war between light and dark. The constant struggle is so exhausting. It's feels legitimate battle fatigue. I'll never life a normal life with bpd treated or untreated doesn't really seem to matter much. And I think if I just start accepting that fact I'll maybe wanna die a little less. 🤷🏼‍♂️",1.7078787878787869,4.1345421212121245,3.289242424242428,87.80719696969696,82.33333333333334,6.575757575757575,22.5,7.793537801064563,1.1980909090909098,650,22,131,12,18,214,115,165,0.254,0.675,0.071,-0.9878,0,0,0,0,1,1,13.0,0,7,1,1,8,11,3,1,10,0,9,8,3,0,4,28,17,12,4,4,7,0,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,2,5,5,0,0,7,2,0,3,6,7,0,1,0,3,14,4,17,16,5,25,0,1,0,0,13,10,0,5,9,79,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473274227613887,0.1754455657893527,0.15550672371904986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010712158601722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28914626284899586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24380764489825524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043510544682159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828920864600764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311309987927876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19678576588324256,0.0,0.13961686037693188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994724208629075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065496736722558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240274923293598,0.0,0.10743802878864184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648605142799616,0.13366370090323998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943944107811016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003664487803072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848042236890252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077827214159128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681500054748027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420005009165149,0.0,0.0,0.1377729048561696,0.0,0.09859843277557996,0.0,0.11124648657366763,0.0,0.0,0.14562834191437088,0.0,0.15237340777288955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047375129130479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925887973924443,0.0,0.0,0.08122791887712516,0.1601067674415364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450179420410002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22114234939605595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3770942467235511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230449857567008,0.0,0.0 bpd,fromtexasjohn,2020/01/06,"How do you cope with the changes to your relationships? My bpd behavior has caused my romantic relationship to change and it's killing me. I'm often hypersexual. My fiance was a freak when I met her so it was a match made in heaven. She was everything I had ever wanted sexually. Now because of my bpd behaviors, the dynamic of the relationship has changed. Our frequency of sex has declined significantly. Our intensity and range of sex has completely changed. We used to do every thing under the sun and now it's pretty vanilla. No sexting or nudes even. It's all just suffocating me. I cannot accept things the way they are. I refuse to. Everything about her was awesome but her being sexually adventurous was pretty up there in terms of what I liked most about her. If things don't go back to how they were, I won't be happy in this relationship again. How do I cope with these changes for the time being? If I can handle them better, maybe things will go back to normal.",3.0362932732901804,5.592811272727275,4.591736560652972,79.6720011258092,77.98395721925135,8.00101322825781,25.35012665353223,8.841846274778883,2.1774983957219254,776,29,147,19,19,259,113,187,0.069,0.7979999999999999,0.133,0.9235,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,3,2,3,1,17,9,1,0,8,0,23,3,1,6,2,25,30,12,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,11,6,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,9,1,27,7,21,16,3,17,1,0,0,3,19,5,0,5,10,115,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681448337070444,0.0,0.06665003776755922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669855589088563,0.0,0.0,0.27540901410789026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231789842879704,0.5783134516135865,0.0,0.1146364182185324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221520936898948,0.09890041487515483,0.09212005649471447,0.0,0.1965277833947051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242760142984175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638990296588812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096377052212814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053415908166531065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345609827911137,0.0,0.0,0.1098424226246322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712578768845817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224674605146498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.469542565722869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905511662054445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375453536068322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443095403767406,0.0,0.0,0.06448903819529532,0.08678560234716187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ldyingrn,2020/01/06,"FML I don't know what to do OMG. What the fuck is wrong with me. I caused a big issue and now my husband is upset, and says we have no future together. I am utterly heartbroken and physically sick. All I can think of is ways to end my life. I need to calm down and move forward but I am devastated right now.",0.1974675324675345,2.1751615606060604,2.9265367965367983,90.87409090909094,84.9090909090909,6.8017316017316025,20.034632034632033,7.957251820313856,0.7684268398268399,237,7,56,5,7,83,49,66,0.26,0.716,0.024,-0.9382,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,2,0,9,3,0,1,1,12,13,5,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,10,1,6,13,1,10,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,5,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271191757922637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820377845698386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29438686883799386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323621012100893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750028601299599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249191734057024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384446796116808,0.0,0.23611458927063814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27194068088574946,0.0,0.25323129739151945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20403948791683865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527578872786322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34815731485309426,0.0,0.0 bpd,prettykittytimmy,2020/01/06,"My ex tried kicking me out so I told him I have bad thoughts which is why I came over Now he’s calling me a piece of shit and he won’t let me leave I want to hurt myself I want to die I have nowhere to go",-3.5155999999999987,-2.0720366599999984,-0.6444999999999972,110.81525000000002,105.6,2.5,14.25,3.1291,-1.8662,157,4,47,0,8,53,38,50,0.299,0.6509999999999999,0.05,-0.9325,0,0,0,0,0,3,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,5,1,1,0,0,6,11,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,3,0,12,0,6,6,1,5,0,1,0,0,6,2,1,0,1,29,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23135657525444375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829374237780809,0.3169144018198681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28757318630126577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574752707520036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29662801077924905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933957641812968,0.0,0.2833408481920353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28442644349203144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21997660646800796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647690798032233,0.0,0.18812429450340784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268668956812449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500284642512112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kanslofyld,2020/01/06,"Cognitive Dissonance about Anxiety This is kind of difficult to explain but I really want to know if anyone else experiences this. I struggle with my identity and I’ve been telling myself for as long as I can remember that I am a happy person. This is something that I’ve been telling people around me and also something that people say is a defining characteristic when they talk about me. However, the truth is that while I do feel very happy at times I’m also very anxious. I’m terrified of abandonment and struggle with anxiety on a daily basis and this is arguably one of my most defining traits. The problem is that this doesn’t fit in with my idea of who I am. This causes me a lot of distress because I convince myself that people only want to be with the happy version of me. When I inevitably have some kind of breakdown and go to someone for support I assume that they won’t want to be with me anymore. I assume that people take this as me being fake and that makes me a dislikable person. This isn’t the only thing I struggle with in regards to interpersonal relationships but it’s something that causes me a lot of distress. Does anyone else struggle with this? I haven’t seen this topic discussed a lot but I’m wondering if it’s something other people experience too. (Also, this is my first time posting and I’m very new to this subreddit so I’m sorry if this has been posted about before)",3.983134257047301,6.02280163736264,5.291145086797262,78.26870998566652,72.91941391941391,7.531708870839306,29.08568243350852,8.321376580360154,2.3415326962892182,1129,47,196,19,23,376,123,273,0.17800000000000002,0.7120000000000001,0.11,-0.9669,1,0,4,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,1,11,18,0,6,11,0,23,0,0,3,1,43,40,23,0,7,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,28,15,0,1,8,0,0,1,4,10,0,2,4,3,28,8,35,32,6,17,0,1,1,0,12,6,0,11,8,153,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21145931144805927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485546042356011,0.09957439888375696,0.08741232582555664,0.12326066778179122,0.18062202623421725,0.0,0.07846430086755105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053730020341266616,0.0,0.07500161753161544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109045904261856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713290485990704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472612235043801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724378941327554,0.0,0.0,0.044566808309021065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497280795067662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050092640603390616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814836448713491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995006175460612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18357086584226745,0.048440064997643424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800213452513383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22480333369489855,0.0,0.0,0.05883489482282074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512726145213029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597267170118815,0.13407061626054054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30552983947868656,0.1539228859212105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688296937263167,0.0,0.0,0.0843391664643791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05646547073485594,0.0,0.0,0.0946305975675674,0.09984672859086584,0.0,0.0,0.07009337159388966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468170118953135,0.2714214204765998,0.0,0.0986667890789348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36857702461216185,0.0,0.0,0.10002152020982227,0.0,0.0,0.06627116735536967,0.07084450893745299,0.15407848122426793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058557056354722026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279161412403072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21817701210510596,0.1559637826210715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955853055800802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,h0b04lyfe,2020/01/06,"I’ve been needing to talk for weeks 🎭 However, I haven’t had the energy to even do so. Not with you. Not with friends. Barely with my counselor. Typing this right now is taking so much energy because I just don’t want to say it. I don’t want to talk about it; but I cannot ruminate alone anymore. If there are comments on this I may not even be able to respond. After ten-eleven years of dating on and off. After being my best friend and rock for my whole adulthood and third of my life. After having a blurred line where even when we weren’t together, we were... he tells me he’s open to seeing other girls. I’ve dated other guys (two to be exact) in an attempt to get over him, but every time I ran back to him. Pining after him. Loving him. Just wanting him to accept me and finally legitmaize things, for that’s all I ever yearned for. He’s sad in life right now, which broke my heart to hear. How could the person who has always been so strong for me, be struggling? He won’t even open up to me and allow me an attempt at bringing him happiness because there’s baggage. Somehow if he meets another girl though, his schedule and heart would open up and make it work. He’s the father of my puppy even though she isn’t actually his. They love each other dearly. I told him “I’d leave her to you.” For if I ever get the courage to end it all, I know she’d be happiest with him. I didn’t say it out of manipulation. I said it because I meant it. I said it because I mean it. It was always he and I at the end. I don’t know how to accept and live with any other reality. I’ve tried to get help. I’m still trying. I start my second DBT group on Tuesday. I did an out patient program when things were really bad. This disorder is a disease. My baggage makes me garbage. The person that showed me I still deserve love at my worst is leaving me. I’m trying to have more control of the borderline. I’m trying. He said we can’t erase our history, which is true, but instead we can learn from it. Grow stronger. We’ve always been toxic. No one supports our relationship. My parents do love him though, as do I. My mother said I had to know this day would come. Even if I did... there was no way to prepare myself for this devestation. I love him like I’ve never loved anything else. Even out of love, I love him the most. I don’t understand. I just really don’t understand. I’m in so much pain. No matter how I verbalize that, he’s so far gone from me that he only sees it as selfishness. There’s no sympathy. Nothing. Just my being an nuisance I guess. I fucking hate living. I hate this perpetual pain. I’m a good person. Why is this my life? How can he leave me? Why don’t I bring him joy? It was always him and me in the end... But I guess not. Fuck.",0.2094133045888497,2.4423881116928463,2.379395082640386,93.01197528487837,87.60383944153575,5.185596961297609,19.246714916333026,6.661559191721324,0.15593031516271386,2120,62,466,26,68,713,244,573,0.11199999999999999,0.693,0.19399999999999998,0.9957,4,1,0,0,0,0,86.0,6,2,1,6,40,35,4,1,16,0,50,17,2,9,7,84,101,34,0,12,16,3,0,1,2,4,5,7,0,6,33,27,0,1,10,2,0,6,22,13,0,4,22,9,85,22,63,67,10,58,0,3,2,10,75,24,2,10,28,326,118,4,0.06249910778804928,0.0,0.060990113596450464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064730226923714,0.0,0.0,0.20801705751517552,0.0,0.0,0.04250153648160072,0.06553576391336483,0.0,0.0,0.06198232091450464,0.0,0.0,0.051431440440459934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0480579560493195,0.05218414441354482,0.15239550404739696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558895773502793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538374473102,0.0,0.0,0.07009806379130079,0.049900451970071084,0.0,0.0,0.040306754101108136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162939219387131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05220998484656759,0.0,0.16606697634662962,0.0,0.0,0.2889604987561784,0.1130680422714773,0.052658193875847234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846471764955404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657331128261352,0.11555883610569158,0.09795961279113086,0.0,0.0,0.052421286362531065,0.0,0.0,0.13769962688050388,0.061883942805897686,0.0,0.06653146240656548,0.0,0.12340985942089548,0.0,0.0,0.07044103677392848,0.14812348730061967,0.04189183452567896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304362544231432,0.0,0.0,0.19853259296634213,0.0,0.0,0.1324349044467097,0.030533907113366038,0.0,0.11037571442716497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4512630792543855,0.0,0.08343727952409694,0.0,0.0,0.06807985062246939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918880709274519,0.04634229650151928,0.048203164873922656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996957953289166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042351012926805036,0.04753338779047018,0.13300691440244586,0.0,0.06939786292788343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16371543065267258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800770576602862,0.0,0.0,0.06710065212621809,0.0,0.10674779312334168,0.2378038546324324,0.099403598087122,0.0,0.0,0.09960739424062397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044237190173523684,0.0,0.09982373642584982,0.0,0.0,0.06533763747121647,0.0,0.0,0.07092324686994264,0.0,0.0,0.04699155094667922,0.10046883083181574,0.05462697496644054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304326019262516,0.0,0.1842151682293676,0.0,0.03644373235572256,0.0,0.0,0.05972057583190471,0.0,0.1697311665556133,0.0,0.061052546833374785,0.13012755071355694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059077920831352,0.049608882668143416,0.05013301437950638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279144732871753,0.06977802187354386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045500094830481085,0.0,0.0,0.08879514597125109,0.0,0.0,0.04024737630176428 bpd,notagoodusernamexx,2020/01/06,You How do you feel about the show on Netflix You?,0.7690909090909095,2.356187727272733,1.5727272727272743,103.37909090909092,80.81818181818181,4.4,20.090909090909093,3.1291,-0.8294363636363635,39,1,10,0,1,12,9,11,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tfnyelice,2020/01/06,Yeah I just want to fucking die again Knew shit had been going too well for me,-0.002352941176472001,2.162502,0.9132352941176478,103.65455882352943,87.8235294117647,3.4000000000000004,14.382352941176471,3.1291,-1.5761529411764703,62,1,15,0,2,19,17,17,0.319,0.451,0.23,-0.6361,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,3,6,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,3,0,2,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4911703369724196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4375222907311489,0.0,0.0,0.2689652077612501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4857957513030937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791416775705475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4255185942643149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,esabc,2020/01/06,"Has anyone asked to be voluntarily hospitalised and taken seriously? Hey I’m new here and really scared and embarrassed about posting this but I don’t know where else to ask this. I’ve been in therapy for over a year now and I am not getting better at all. Over the past couple months I’ve been dealing with a lot. My mum got cancer which is really eating me up and whenever I think about it I just want to cry. My relationship with my boyfriend broke down because of me being so needy and easy to upset and then he beat me up and we broke up. My BPD in general has made it impossible for me to perform at University which I hate myself for and I just feel like I will never be able to do the things that everyone expects of me. I have extremely detailed suicide plans in my head right now and I’m not really scared at all to act on them, which is worrying me because usually I’m afraid of pain or the unknown even though I have overarching suicidal ideation. I just feel so empty and like I’m nothing right now so I’m struggling to see what bad will come from dying. The only thing that makes me feel a little bit of apprehension is making the family I still have upset because they deserve so much more in life. I’m kind of just waiting for the right opportunity (I need to tidy my room, wait to be home alone, etc.) I want to ask my therapist if I could have some kind of crisis help like hospitalisation until I know that I’m not going to hurt myself. But, I’m worried because if I’m asking for help I think it might come across as me not being “bad enough” or attention seeking. The truth is that I just really do not want to feel suicidal anymore and I know it will hurt people if I do anything so I’m trying to save myself. Has anyone else voluntarily asked to be hospitalised? If so, were you taken seriously when you asked? Thanks for reading if you did.",3.529487344093912,4.9831031941489385,5.158041085840061,81.17500000000003,72.90957446808511,8.377696258253852,25.73147468818782,8.939507131559953,1.9008132061628755,1475,48,298,30,29,500,181,376,0.23600000000000002,0.659,0.105,-0.9968,0,1,0,0,0,3,24.0,1,3,2,5,22,28,1,8,10,0,31,5,1,3,4,67,75,32,4,11,19,1,4,3,0,4,3,0,2,0,16,17,1,3,10,1,0,4,7,18,0,0,8,5,43,10,49,56,9,39,0,4,1,0,19,21,0,10,16,205,59,1,0.08022111388454202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308488056228593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955778891713204,0.1121849361237499,0.08219601126735628,0.06601514144509285,0.0,0.4499754745661241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396255851085415,0.19560818575423047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094905613120585,0.08758067927558365,0.0,0.10103568466435868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820677269733506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405003178535992,0.08876313668327375,0.08811912670886196,0.0,0.08270444591767279,0.0,0.0,0.08325685093165756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208622672692302,0.1340288938040675,0.0,0.0,0.08288985509818311,0.08946774747503893,0.052985289137395926,0.0,0.0,0.07665471211699018,0.0,0.0,0.07562532667404417,0.0,0.16224882221920015,0.0573099797880533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041912221000300384,0.0,0.045591507716880184,0.0,0.06416015311168773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920174173247968,0.08233000663745613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754104329660458,0.0,0.08046831805601831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17175672317188734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16707589070630105,0.13226227868271453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566625451568415,0.11757595235702248,0.0804026309551082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682011222904576,0.0,0.07590715762294095,0.10709643289018002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510192459399253,0.0,0.0,0.06403172774857183,0.0,0.05897174906480428,0.05948293946734477,0.06187146850255859,0.07747805167909186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697432234762401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610117720110325,0.08536092118222517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658013041103692,0.05561521958731338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768296519373435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024282285725329,0.0,0.2055667989338303,0.0,0.0,0.08612745439821565,0.0,0.2055251788100384,0.0,0.0,0.16063065936978824,0.0,0.06392584150335255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406468517403255,0.0,0.0,0.08386452610332494,0.0,0.26324663452810443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385682361832638,0.09173983506637344,0.09314289626176578,0.1065906869558556,0.1028049011812131,0.07881683708672035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05446487047538942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835222339022065,0.0,0.14194947427948335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16293687035057394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05165976718911212 bpd,crabeconomy,2020/01/06,"I’m being ghosted but I’m coping (!) This is longer than I though it would be, so sorry for that. I just wanted to share this with a group of people who would understand. I can usually get away with saying I’m too busy to date, because with my job it’s generally true (or true enough), but I went out on a date on Thursday. I didn’t really have any expectations, he had been fun to talk to and seemed nice, but I try not to get my hopes up (you know how it gets). We met and as the night progressed I found myself having a good time, I was enjoying talking with him and I liked that out silences didn’t feel uncomfortable. He came over so we could eat some food, we watched a movie etc. Super nice, great experience, we hug and kiss goodnight. He messaged me that he got home safely, I messaged him the next morning saying I was glad. No response, which was weird for how our conversations had been going. I waited a bit and then messaged him to ask how his day was. He messaged me back hours later saying it was good, he had caught up on some things, what about me? Messaged him back, and nothing. I had been pretty anxious all day just to hear from him in general, and by now I had a sneaking suspicion, this was it. Using self-restraint I didn’t have two years ago I waited until the next day to message him, telling him I remembered the name of a bar I had forgotten when we were on our date. He messaged me back right away and I was like “see, nothing wrong, it’s all fine.” I messaged him back and hours later received a short response that was clearly not trying to further the conversation. I spent the rest of the day out walking, depression baking, then drinking nice beer, eating pizza, and watching The Office. That was yesterday, and I didn’t hear from him at all today. I’ve accepted the fact that I’m being ghosted, but it fucking sucks not to know why. We seemed to hit it off and have decent chemistry. I know that it could be something that has nothing to do with me, but you know how we are; it’s killing me not knowing. I’m proud of the fact that I’m doing SO much better than I have done in the past with this. I’m completely in control of myself, and while I’ve had a good deal of negative thoughts I’m able to combat them, and I haven’t lost control and sent embarrassing messages I regret later. It’s a shitty situation and I’m feeling every bit of it, but I’m proud of how I’m handling it.",2.9519084249084244,4.43971745510204,4.144285714285715,87.72815018315019,74.44897959183673,6.739926739926741,25.62532705389848,7.321109707123232,1.1263710099424389,1883,64,393,21,39,616,226,490,0.121,0.701,0.179,0.9883,1,0,3,0,0,0,62.0,9,2,1,8,19,34,3,1,21,0,45,11,0,8,8,92,92,38,3,8,13,0,2,2,0,2,0,5,2,0,30,33,8,5,14,3,1,7,11,9,0,1,35,10,58,25,54,48,11,60,0,3,3,3,57,20,2,6,35,268,88,1,0.08411536741037909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456319797844957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05720133427791223,0.0,0.0,0.09502642268629463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863651378876077,0.0,0.15805831318125102,0.2587181016272573,0.0,0.051275947242753465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439320691165269,0.18366439104595456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620557172791047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819336236794678,0.0,0.18868507405121449,0.13431855269489482,0.0,0.0,0.21698981315588065,0.08671925030671229,0.07244844269510424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607922509260538,0.0,0.0824010370073473,0.0,0.1721420405706257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691365998995765,0.09381086955577714,0.0,0.0,0.07087082490929289,0.0,0.0,0.08228096980089694,0.0,0.0,0.08506251429337912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171263615923376,0.09222815872612557,0.0,0.07776330175392265,0.13184042321448994,0.0,0.04780470173872109,0.21165593807174995,0.06727474340312943,0.09273748952327614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18960826478038129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437457186045731,0.08354553932643702,0.16567338629752182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347152294068794,0.0,0.09306119131107464,0.0,0.2311380306092176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218903937077582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182185995049197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06183447348484807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891529501795153,0.07893657418338276,0.0,0.24213289090278914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029763604541962,0.05831500464988194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557556867680273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053886458260169336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528631396505573,0.07183406416990454,0.0,0.2006757489251087,0.0,0.0,0.06702905737274104,0.15315094267629434,0.08775067308900597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454919726500607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475611933754598,0.0,0.09416026718935876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521749218194998,0.07352053865156696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05588251248119453,0.0,0.08264292140365015,0.06677820594612532,0.04904834717485816,0.0,0.0797315329532846,0.0,0.0,0.1142176259878355,0.0,0.08216849151902084,0.08756706396196395,0.0,0.07264867027090315,0.0926411934729361,0.0,0.049613423052662906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797578830522628,0.07590103577940707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950628724108305,0.09196694961165484,0.0,0.05416753878163405 bpd,savannahcoopering,2020/01/06,BPD it’s been 10 years. 10 years of me feeling like there’s something more than depression and anxiety. I finally found a word for what I’ve been feeling and I cried full on tears cause it’s amazing to know I’m not alone. I’ve never understood myself. I still don’t. But this subreddit has brought me to tears reading all your amazing posts that I relate to. I am sorry you guys deal with this life ruining mind game. But we’re here together and I’m so thankful for you all. I’m just rambling now but fuck am I happy to meet you all,0.35866071428571544,2.7077232589285742,2.1746428571428567,93.72035714285715,88.73214285714286,5.7,22.285714285714285,7.1686216300943375,0.8387607142857147,423,16,92,7,14,139,75,112,0.141,0.6970000000000001,0.162,0.527,0,1,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,4,0,0,6,8,1,0,1,0,6,2,0,1,4,21,17,7,0,0,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,3,0,0,5,2,13,5,10,12,5,10,0,2,0,1,8,2,1,0,7,55,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21240487286904192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688847630883124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258295752622302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21067746240329213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252748247245221,0.0,0.2114322991374897,0.17663829834528574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20739297103993348,0.14651184293252004,0.0,0.22465917917307365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248637018391372,0.0,0.18959658461302012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030651154647239,0.0,0.218315422112028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270864325273272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485668895501067,0.10019354120684627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070760836429624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817319965519988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964135031775172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20513920790763668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788345893598255,0.0,0.2295744221592456,0.0,0.0,0.16378011519899074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18881352569799315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26413436976711385 bpd,SilverDirt,2020/01/06,"Do you think our wobbly sense of self has anything to do with little to foggy memories of our childhood? Read a post on here where a lot of people (myself included) commented not remembering much up until 13 or so (my cutoff is 17 unfortunately) and im wondering if that might have anything to do with why we dont have a steong sense of self. Everyone else can say they have always been this that and the other, where we cant because we dont remember.",6.3053333333333335,5.944198866666671,7.425555555555558,73.885,65.8888888888889,10.755555555555556,31.333333333333336,10.355215969177356,3.0769333333333333,358,12,69,8,5,122,65,90,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,5,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,14,0,0,0,0,16,16,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,4,7,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,9,0,12,14,2,8,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,5,2,54,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102389041856082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987207421519114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064170495660614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4254371016237795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162131652876615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734325791915011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960528990522448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819123087833777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430618961214973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19254453990996587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334245770062202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583037244479547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17382838348596988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815507402663064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41121191525580897,0.0,0.0,0.144337375829143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37869155437316665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162989115279275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637769843012072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19683076818148404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,VI0LETTA,2020/01/06,"How can my partner support me and what things are good to say? I am suspicious I have borderline personality disorder but at the very least I know I have tendencies that are quite similar to those who have BPD. Like splitting, intense fear of abandonment, etc. What are things my boyfriend can say to me when I’m having an episode and what are some tips to help us communicate more effectively? What are some things he absolutely should not say? I’m seeking therapy and so is he, but is there anything else that would help our relationship? Any tips would be nice :)",4.678761904761906,6.9745020190476215,4.9180952380952405,80.58190476190478,71.66666666666666,9.23809523809524,30.714285714285715,9.725611199111238,3.0792857142857155,452,20,86,12,9,142,70,105,0.098,0.679,0.223,0.9437,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,0,2,4,6,0,1,2,0,18,0,0,2,0,15,22,8,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,3,0,2,11,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,10,4,6,18,5,2,0,1,0,0,13,1,0,2,2,62,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469669884487446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089644682701098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309458933942697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101559022626697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318064465566586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204504071400474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063402621136457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153800589337265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24581574721042476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077439541687187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958446529388565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16011008418635225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19503470649487745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19686887823690674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43746537987395423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080841185558202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20969757605572464,0.0,0.3654651548357267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22056942876884225,0.0,0.0,0.15129801119397907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26051908925356443,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cautious-liberty,2020/01/06,"can you have „light“ BPD? might be a really dumb question but i have a dear friend i realized shows many symptoms of BPD, at least 5 of the 9 from the dsm 5, but i‘m not sure those symptoms are severe enough in her case to call it a disorder. she does seem to suffer from it all and i know she‘s a little depressed, which i think stems from her fear of abandonment etc. i know two diagnosed women and they behave very differently from her, very self-destructive which she doesn‘t, or at least only very low key. but i do see some parallels it doesn‘t really matter that much anyway, but i was just wondering if you can have light BPD, where you‘re very high-functioning in most of your aspects of life, even most relationships, but the BPD shows in the closest relationships, with family and your partner.",5.798823529411763,6.7071204183006525,5.87896078431373,80.16432352941176,67.0392156862745,9.780130718954249,28.3718954248366,9.888512548439397,2.541722091503268,636,20,122,14,10,201,97,153,0.193,0.7509999999999999,0.055,-0.9754,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,4,1,0,4,9,1,1,8,0,12,4,0,0,2,28,19,10,0,1,9,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,2,7,4,0,1,7,2,0,0,3,6,0,1,1,2,18,3,17,16,9,9,0,4,1,0,18,9,1,9,0,87,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5858616176828219,0.0,0.11874689214727392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016192500524183,0.11803369144876932,0.0,0.12150014081893833,0.1332804353604666,0.0,0.10176770541398833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016047785156192,0.12969605600310904,0.07680961263970436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096295243859439,0.13086056432774554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984672756339454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286863239346504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278218232249412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214031131152284,0.0,0.1165548973954034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179015948942815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233671830308927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548782645325922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844512601370093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027338909873665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899896230393114,0.0,0.0,0.24970766481301396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266947870770766,0.10586765335579597,0.12131767102420345,0.13137659097349025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960361030244006,0.24174333800431466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451506602819445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136001545258636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838115338945345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611345622010814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PamelaBreivik,2020/01/06,"Laying in bed and I'm just upset One of my closest friends and I have been getting more and more distant the past month or so. She was sick for a week or so and then the holidays hit. But since before Christmas shes flaked on twice on our Monday morning diner trips and we were supposed to go out to dinner last night and she ghosted me the whole day. Found out today that she has a new boyfriend now and I think that's why she doesn't have time for me anymore. She has time for her other friends but not for me. Is it because I'm a guy? Her and I have always been platonic. We've known each other for years and not once have we ever tried to entertain the thought of being together. I miss her. We used to talk on the phone all the time and vent to each other and cry to each other. We'd get a whole group of us together and go bowling or go to the bar or go to a comedy show. They all still so that but I'm not invited anymore. I'm sorry, I'm probably going to end up deleting this. But I don't have anyone else to talk to. :( Everyone leaves.",0.5553687888198766,2.528174901785718,2.4841537267080764,94.59888975155279,83.46428571428571,5.502795031055901,20.453416149068325,6.7026698264267655,0.20521296583850868,814,24,186,9,23,271,122,224,0.07,0.875,0.055,-0.5158,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,6,0,1,0,7,5,0,1,12,0,17,4,0,1,3,40,35,24,1,0,12,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,9,20,3,0,4,4,0,6,5,2,0,2,6,0,25,3,26,26,9,32,0,1,0,0,23,8,0,4,18,129,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385761636998865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714069471303948,0.09567815873779477,0.14020354755965794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341329813817665,0.0,0.11643643989476025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030673608061107,0.08824720434724229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430801870485535,0.0,0.12119512576170433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377502051448208,0.0,0.1307516314995998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003242873576764,0.21143664195505965,0.0,0.14298119774286974,0.0,0.388832196474156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548808551802907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153872419983824,0.0,0.14488842454824055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922032892232714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321560199324813,0.0,0.12841030444923346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572472567192993,0.09272288417691553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062441584039114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753118895029954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319126114245567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15317549186663434,0.0,0.0,0.10927654512913304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199654534995168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767829259526635,0.0,0.10863164312393887,0.2393686295084156,0.0,0.12970350596860178,0.0,0.0,0.0929019296713676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16459556261891933,0.11818143824744926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976072033470703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234722334136663,0.3055426065703304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811720318715772 bpd,Throwaway20213476,2020/01/06,"Away at Graduate School I'm a thousand miles away from my FP and partner. I had an extremely traumatic year last year and am recovering from post-cancer menopause which made all my mental health symptoms horrifyingly worse. So, I'm at this program and I am just constantly feeling dysregulated, I don't want to talk to any of the other students really, I'm extremely irritable and I'm here another five fucking days! FML any tips for letting go of the need to attend every workshop (right now I'm only going to like a quarter of the activities because I'm so overwhelmed). It's like this emotional vertigo feeling and I just feel horrible.",4.901500000000002,7.1149461500000015,6.494999999999997,69.87,70.83333333333334,9.8,35.33333333333333,10.125756701596842,4.260233333333334,518,28,85,15,10,177,81,120,0.162,0.759,0.079,-0.9233,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,1,6,0,5,4,0,1,1,14,20,7,0,2,2,0,3,2,1,0,3,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,2,0,3,2,3,6,2,14,17,1,15,0,1,0,1,2,6,1,0,8,51,11,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25021855365147266,0.1929137793164898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457010489008441,0.0,0.0,0.1121494237691694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988115659186356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864862483184507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069470597994067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500683269671156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790697922320898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17008187953705664,0.0,0.0,0.2091144110150889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955567720070152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499641415237967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881268541506518,0.0,0.17976173822662506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408154887882507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540348127663853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641509652854242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992124200303818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17619714962204894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785906585457495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711360465975324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18619247441346248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19122041894249872,0.0,0.1478720983926921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851319391975768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874861945506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369476757823492 bpd,ultra1ightbeam,2020/01/06,"suicidal when drunk? I don’t consider myself a depressed person, but when I get drunk I get overwhelmed with a flood of emotions, and I find myself wanting to die insanely badly. One time I got drunk alone at night, walked out the door, and laid down on the street waiting to get run over by a car. Another time I got drunk after getting in an argument with my parents and started walking towards the train station with the intention of laying down on the tracks before they drove there first and stopped me . Is anyone else like this- completely fine normally, and depressed/suicidal when drunk?",10.1248623853211,8.627015981651379,8.825761467889908,70.61442201834863,58.90825688073394,12.022752293577984,41.98348623853211,10.793553405168565,4.585464587155963,478,22,80,9,5,147,75,109,0.29100000000000004,0.653,0.057,-0.9831,1,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,4,5,0,1,9,0,2,5,0,1,0,16,12,9,2,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,9,5,2,1,5,0,5,1,3,0,2,3,0,11,2,18,9,0,25,0,2,0,0,3,10,0,0,11,53,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18684365973028347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18916884050513005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614234918623807,0.1848447449943824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062941975487368,0.0,0.0,0.15351012449412232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18914967850981565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538130394829175,0.0,0.18723039162375327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15070400810879184,0.20292969992555274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648855665253226,0.1534511582677649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37701361336133377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885703809192127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813605670886021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929650065002586,0.1767571650987513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224610702901545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20031678094049746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15752141192354546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769055356389686,0.0,0.0,0.15082543669067214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39466438236848944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21038950892599328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640668150320284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,oldraykissedbae,2020/01/06,"I've finally blocked my FP from social media and from my life today It's a long story, but I've finally cut off my FP today!!!! He was my side dude and he was someone who I was trying to run after for the past year or so. Last night when I was lurking his Facebook and saw that he had a new girlfriend, I was indeed upset, and I tried to reach out to tell him ""Happy New Year and Happy Belated Birthday"", but he left on me read and I was like ""SCREW THIS! I AM DONE OF HIM TRYING TO MAKE ME CRY AND TREATING ME THIS WAY!"". I deserve so much better, so I've blocked him off of social media and blocked his number. It isn't going to be easy, but it took a lot of courage to do this and I am proud of myself for doing so.",3.702222222222221,2.9889601847133767,5.418428874734608,87.28557678697805,71.35668789808919,7.7421089879688605,26.361641896673746,6.42735559955562,0.9020295824486908,547,14,128,3,9,189,87,157,0.125,0.688,0.187,0.9335,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,5,10,2,1,4,0,14,2,0,1,0,19,18,18,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,8,10,0,3,0,1,0,3,1,3,0,0,10,1,21,7,19,7,2,24,0,0,1,1,14,6,1,2,15,86,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377973986038735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114514399276914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944323123057022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34135485503886964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854791739859802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317159331842376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270023653744519,0.0,0.0,0.16928324864911204,0.0,0.11005010843904746,0.07611874987788886,0.0,0.0,0.1378830598995888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246035600685274,0.0,0.0,0.10400145299135427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145350488838466,0.0,0.0,0.3009560536092752,0.0,0.14621300826686168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873408232339955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558477709120302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176483919783807,0.1320135857974673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618096854155895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29537099645964315,0.0,0.17310576298853125,0.3173453408425782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367123923963695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006674061449674 bpd,badwoolla83,2020/01/06,"Picked up a great book (so far at least) Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified by Robert Friedel I'm only 2 chapters in, where he explains the symptoms and shares stories of other people with BPD but wow is it enlightening. I didn't know all of this information and I've been diagnosed for 5 years. Has anyone else ever read this book or have any good recommendations for other BPD books? I also picked up a workbook for skills but I haven't looked at it yet. Figured I'd get through them one at a time. It's called The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook by Daniel Fox if anyone has any thoughts on it?",4.509310344827586,6.79000027586207,5.41331034482759,76.91272413793105,72.10344827586206,8.433103448275862,29.703448275862065,9.120678840339163,2.7103820689655165,496,21,90,11,10,162,82,116,0.046,0.802,0.152,0.9275,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,5,4,0,0,5,0,7,2,0,2,2,17,13,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,8,3,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,4,4,16,10,2,13,0,0,1,0,8,9,0,2,4,54,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155487230420824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24074580662698325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475390840228193,0.1813677133711292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4458759205932106,0.0,0.1807470510294223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17966147379269806,0.0,0.0,0.4057377033740738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478691825801505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16011572341722696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248044482845616,0.0,0.0,0.1484676309906468,0.0,0.1951542040205832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728009376640613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486438601144032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199465903185328,0.1346241187102014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271648039434957,0.30911669453663304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17705795052179665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18398121694038724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052620676202104,0.1032159831006876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398866811065275 bpd,Otheraccountt17,2020/01/07,Y’all ever just realize you only ever make your Fps life worse by all the shit you put them through Ha not me at all,8.4028,4.653556480000006,8.32,79.94000000000003,64.2,11.6,33.0,8.841846274778883,2.3698,92,2,21,1,1,30,22,25,0.098,0.698,0.203,0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,4,1,0,3,2,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,4,8,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,3,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,2,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6437118990381155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513233687364908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375099478775505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27061410728995505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576933644497845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652400183541879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626069097242561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,156182,2020/01/07,"Crazy horny in a LDR and need some advice :) I am a 21 year old engaged girl. I'm head over heels for my 25 year old bf of 10 months and no one turns me on as much as he does. We used to be 1 hour apart, then 3000 km apart and now 8000 km apart. I might be able to live with him for 3 months this year and visit him next summer, but the plan is that he'll stay there for 2 years, we'll marry and settle in my country. We've talked a little about opening our relationship, primarily for my sake. I'm asking in a BPD community and not relationship advice because I feel my issues are specific to those of BPD. I have always had a raging libido and way more than he has. I spend most my days fantasizing about it. He is a few years older and has already ""been around"", whereas I started having sex 3 years ago. I fear missing out, but I also fear him leaving me for someone else. Him cheating on me has been the biggest fantasy of mine since July but I also feel vulnerable afterwards. I guess it's a way to reestablish control over my fears and the situation. I honestly don't think it would work out great, a little bit because of my paranoia, but also because he's not a big fan of the idea, but willing to do it for me. On the other hand, my feelings, like most other pwBPD, reach high and impulsivity is a trait of mine. Lastly, I love him very much and don't want to imagine my life without him, although I would understand his needs. When I've visited him, he explains that he often needs some time to adjust to having sex again, which makes it virtually impossible for us to be together because he doesn't adjust until after 3 weeks or so. I currently try to avoid meeting up with friends where, even innocent, flirting might occur. We sext, but mostly on my initiative and I most admit, that I need the physical touch. To me, the touch is what makes me feel most loved and secure. I wish I could pretend I was perfect, but I desire risky situations and crave attention when I'm far away from him. I try not to seek it IRL, but I sometimes come across as a flirtatious person towards my friends and end up losing them because I lead them on only to change my mind when I realize it. Has any of you tried this and can offer any tips or support?",5.8474945054945024,5.265869309890113,6.7053626373626365,79.40463736263739,66.8901098901099,9.477802197802195,31.167032967032966,8.841846274778883,2.3186114285714283,1756,59,361,25,25,586,242,455,0.096,0.757,0.147,0.9832,1,1,0,0,0,0,49.0,5,1,2,6,16,20,2,4,18,0,32,8,3,5,1,82,62,39,0,10,14,0,7,1,3,7,1,0,0,2,17,25,0,3,14,2,1,4,8,8,0,1,4,7,61,12,57,47,12,69,0,2,0,4,42,31,0,13,32,241,78,2,0.07992494455042097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620346159624954,0.07084864094874417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819916377103812,0.1917478478426536,0.06650395651976497,0.0,0.0,0.10870340607483596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711501457221332,0.07471903408020546,0.0,0.07509211637340947,0.0,0.0,0.24360752180710896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725733906990847,0.0,0.2013253395118645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454999366489356,0.06884826269194727,0.0,0.0,0.08964262146927611,0.06381356467158232,0.0,0.0,0.05154497720933098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994285758077014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667670354269945,0.0,0.07078977789129554,0.0,0.0,0.052789672085448484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698133492294493,0.1616498137623026,0.057098396356579775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349962779451608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811753352668006,0.08804633724021227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202605145579296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444509210147605,0.0,0.0,0.07870997072810759,0.0,0.0,0.09022553389973838,0.0,0.08342087695813863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514949724884038,0.0,0.08462897602793366,0.0,0.0,0.056453351997384014,0.03904729074244686,0.16021158295168614,0.0705751903308859,0.0,0.0,0.08941556894287041,0.0,0.0,0.14427076586985912,0.0,0.10670104222954327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695754714674837,0.08070140995537038,0.0,0.12759065642339332,0.0,0.1175080610530899,0.2370533346353681,0.0,0.0,0.08500108525809945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16773556896570907,0.0,0.054159210901188186,0.0607865218865321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978737873260314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161895874329755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611474005369594,0.17967797279715567,0.0,0.0,0.06772014615132334,0.0,0.0790478138359067,0.0,0.05657128712421995,0.08518935653849348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069787992237367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424064292653743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051212677240095344,0.0,0.0,0.04660487790672861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16279137281576073,0.08693538864527449,0.0,0.0832046859815481,0.09613986739529312,0.06902949035145374,0.0,0.06594644967143093,0.04714180307974701,0.1268814015683553,0.06411096952001093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190974181669337,0.07704479441830839,0.0,0.05818631153420184,0.0,0.0,0.1135527748998653,0.0,0.0,0.3088142630893872 bpd,coochieassassin12,2020/01/07,"Just split on another girl, fuck my life I cannot stand the guilt and shame of inflicting so much pain oh others. Every night I debate ending it all. Not even a year into my diagnosis and I ritually understand why people write books about surviving someone like me. Another good girl faced my verbal onslaught of splitting. Kill me already.",3.260161290322582,6.36663041935484,4.371209677419358,77.52681451612905,83.51612903225806,7.616129032258066,25.491935483870968,8.472884824447931,2.585961290322581,274,11,44,7,8,89,52,62,0.203,0.669,0.128,-0.8159,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,2,2,2,0,1,4,1,0,1,8,3,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,8,2,5,3,2,6,1,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,4,26,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26662045637537857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5066941471705565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139929913290917,0.0,0.0,0.15957981755775544,0.0,0.20356517605208702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233627198807043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026493429004606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267303475260831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065488866239,0.11803747374520873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760969337017965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267327583833716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570879663126608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675005787392059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20471369002482606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515224680197589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21801365697021508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558764248200144 bpd,Dana_T_S,2020/01/07,"What's something you wish people knew about your BPD? Hello, I'm posting as someone who doesn't have BPD, however someone close to has been diagnosed. I was hoping people with this condition could provide some insight - I've done research but I'm all too aware that often text book explanations don't really provide all the information about how a condition really feels. Thanks to anyone who replies!",6.026666666666664,8.519577222222225,6.1344444444444415,72.45500000000001,68.44444444444444,9.244444444444444,32.83333333333333,9.725611199111238,3.71265,328,15,50,8,6,104,57,72,0.0,0.88,0.12,0.8079,1,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,1,2,15,15,3,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,3,2,6,10,3,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,3,0,31,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292327132192055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5509013225119718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461774686194528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219804635001732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22381063577175173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058356638238573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21722291589437226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30324432525227096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20945845520334147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802154055109519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706152257428029,0.16836940880282875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013537194459299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514993812568057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cjo_97,2020/01/07,"I need help before it’s too late, it might already be I’m undiagnosed, I don’t know what it is but from my perspective, I think it’s BPD. Everyday for the past 3 years, my life just keeps getting worse. My emotions are completely out of control. I can’t remember the last time I was able to rest my mind. My dissociation couldn’t be worse. I don’t remember the last time I’ve felt in the moment, I don’t remember the last time I’ve felt anything. I can’t drive anymore because once I snap back to reality, I’m blanked out again 3 seconds later. I’m exhausted and I’m tapping out. There’s no more reason to go on and there never will be. I have no identity, I’ve lost myself. I’m afraid of what I really am so I’d rather stay lost anyways.",0.27857243319268576,2.4499706265822785,2.9194092827004248,89.76606188466951,86.40506329113924,6.549085794655415,22.701828410689174,7.793537801064563,1.1777077355836851,581,22,130,12,18,202,91,158,0.16,0.8270000000000001,0.013000000000000001,-0.9690000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,9,4,0,1,5,0,16,2,0,2,1,23,31,4,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,5,0,2,8,0,0,2,9,4,0,1,5,2,17,0,12,20,2,23,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,1,15,74,23,0,0.1328682991686449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466234721121602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176964999826926,0.0,0.0,0.10933928910300472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216752059003867,0.0,0.08099528193423979,0.0,0.11306113637987153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734297152759506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930988375314582,0.0,0.1490230955384333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945895298057552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551488074672904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941820237880464,0.0,0.07551211636869681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905882018919951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809944923067052,0.0,0.0,0.07302094241687274,0.3249161925543109,0.14988122879798366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384880908524483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900828881505422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095226841472333,0.13415910566590605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852016026544456,0.1024762233896807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415004022624266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683782591789902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511883473467917,0.13661074072934434,0.0,0.0,0.45154164549333903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161992822403888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513664112048984,0.0,0.0,0.23242972123138386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708082962184273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556282840630218 bpd,BPDanon1,2020/01/07,"What to do when your FP is genuinely a bad person? I don't want to share a super long story but I really need help with this.. If anyone is willing to read this mess. My FP is my boyfriend, 3 years now. At the beginning of our relationship he cheated (emotionally) with instagram randoms. I caught him, we had a big blow out, he vowed he learned his lesson and would never do it again. Made huge changes, was super open with me about everything. I thought we got better. Then 6 months later a random girl on instagram messages me with screenshots of nudes that my boyfriend had sent her and their entire sexual conversation. &#x200B; I confronted my boyfriend, he cried telling me how hard he's worked to change and this was one stupid mistake, he promises to change and stop lying. Another 6 months-ish later. He goes out to coffee with a coworker who just got dumped. He mentioned he was going to take her to the movies too and I drew the line there. I just wasn't comfortable with that. He promised not to go. At this point the trust is non-existent. I'm going through his phone behind his back and find that he deleted messages between him and that girl. I confront him, huge blowout, he promises they didn't go to the movies, promises to change and stop lying. &#x200B; Then fast forward to Christmas. He works on holidays so I'm at his place cleaning his house as a little christmas gift. I find a movie ticket and a receipt for Boston Pizza which was split 2 ways. I look at the date of the receipt, check our messages. Yep, at the time he was seeing the movie with whoever, he lied and told me he was taking a nap. &#x200B; &#x200B; HUGE BLOWOUT, HE PROMISES TO CHANGE AND STOP LYING. &#x200B; I'm tired of this. I'm so tired of the paranoia, being constantly lied to, not being able to trust my best friend and literally the only person I have in my life. I'm lucky that I'm not dependant on him, I'm fortunate to live at home even though my parents and I don't have the best relationship. &#x200B; How do you leave? With BPD not allowing you to be abandoned... How the fuck do you leave your FP when you know they're terrible for you? I've tried the relationship subreddits and I'm just told what a moron I must be to stay, and I know that I am. But I can't leave him and be completely on my own again. &#x200B; &#x200B; Does anyone have a similar experience? How did you leave? How did you find the courage to dump your FP and face the world alone?",3.3550310559006213,5.389265134575576,3.8465527950310574,87.96746894409941,74.67287784679088,7.001656314699793,26.40683229813665,7.8761006319780495,1.5026447204968942,1952,72,390,29,42,612,221,483,0.182,0.6609999999999999,0.157,-0.7167,2,1,0,0,0,0,91.0,4,10,2,8,21,30,8,0,27,1,35,7,2,8,2,69,65,33,0,6,10,1,1,0,1,3,3,0,2,4,16,30,1,4,8,4,1,7,10,13,0,1,20,3,56,17,52,37,3,53,0,1,2,2,67,23,1,5,23,237,72,4,0.04972684778858517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0515020174763453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43103215042619575,0.4833885035028244,0.0,0.052142935670062326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954033636115857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03823687649429108,0.04151984081164886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437051770282488,0.043979355859581126,0.0,0.0,0.06262922401889226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26302205707804,0.0,0.052137653813460985,0.05373705667313966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054622607302875936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043516299603104665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05593601071142682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032844113979289505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04469128438672515,0.04864239897121951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634831400288444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03841883924868157,0.04597166949279693,0.0,0.0,0.11304365421563975,0.0,0.07954220562105645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04454548827026075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033330857875724144,0.0,0.049880082811292484,0.0,0.0,0.057378105893642437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05465715015037632,0.0,0.0,0.210614207272426,0.0,0.0,0.035123543190678994,0.0,0.04983936519581121,0.04390971763540505,0.04400669548025485,0.04175802811576903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047052745722438366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039691495483047706,0.0,0.0,0.03687182754863545,0.038352410577482926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03369619900248129,0.03781950852079961,0.0,0.0,0.05521577969354347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683913087011891,0.05195397211903313,0.0,0.0470079442978559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049740304579813634,0.0,0.03185629202207763,0.0,0.0,0.16016407431499088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03962585953081572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05300220337500208,0.0,0.124721614116319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477680190890279,0.0,0.0434634567667614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488563754752884,0.03947756260133777,0.028996124838240912,0.11430739283631645,0.0,0.09503226811847816,0.0,0.033761265492432614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029330183203907994,0.03947085718033647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240347486797755,0.0,0.0,0.03532452593604793,0.0,0.4833885035028244,0.032022459617102456 bpd,Despacitoretardito,2020/01/07,"I cannot fall in love Unless you consider FPs “love”, I am incapable of falling in love. I didn’t love my ex boyfriend, as much as I wanted to. Love is so complex and I feel like what I feel for men is not love. It’s a disgusting codependency that’s makes me fell more horrible than it does good. The closest thing I have to love is my FP, who’s taken. I am incapable of truly falling in love. I hate myself.",1.0609482758620707,2.7676422643678222,3.435158045977012,89.80377155172415,80.3793103448276,7.108620689655173,23.518678160919546,8.07648339933343,1.2114609195402295,315,11,72,6,8,109,56,87,0.363,0.4970000000000001,0.14,-0.9726,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,1,12,2,0,2,0,8,8,0,1,0,8,22,5,0,1,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,4,3,2,0,0,2,2,14,10,12,20,2,8,0,0,0,8,12,4,0,0,1,47,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478461347749025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326433608319973,0.09370531291784806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001616555817867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949967911570767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408128478364059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9470624832478244,0.0,0.08755460038088872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642240705487436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714113765408214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736534983421159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,quero8118,2020/01/07,"Advice please on pwbpd splitting and Paranoia. Hi Everyone! I’m new to the community and thought I’d post because I have no one to really assist me with this question. So, I’ve had a long-term friendship (about 6yrs) with someone who has bpd. We are extremely close, closer than most friends. we’ve gone through a lot together and Not to give myself any credit but I’ve realized that her bpd symptoms have drastically lessened with me. I’ve been there for her through thick and thin., encouraged her to seek therapy, and have done my fair share of research on bpd so that I can be there for her. There have been period where our relationship has been unhealthy due to enmeshment and co-dependency but we have tried to mitigate such behavior by communicating frequently and giving each other space when it is needed. Things were going well for a about a year with little to no interpersonal conflict. However, recently things have taken a turn for the worst. After an episode of feeling abandoned by my fwbpd I logged onto her social media (using a password that she gave to me). I guess, I was looking for signs that she still cared about me. I know I was wrong for this and that my behavior was unacceptable. Well, she caught me and I confessed immediately, explaining to her why I did what I did. I gave my friend space and after a week or so was told I was forgiven. I thought we were back on track but since the incident my friend has been extremely paranoid about my actions. She has been accusing me of all sorts of hacking and “spying.” For an example, we hung out the other day with a group of friends she said “why am I seeing a guest user on my laptop.” Hours later after we had a good day she sends me a text saying “how dare you hack into my laptop.” I never touched her laptop. This has been going on repeatedly —each time her coming up with someone else to accuse me of. Whenever I deny her accusations she accuses me of lying. This has been going on off/on for about three weeks. Its as if she has forgotten who I am and she keeps begging me to admit the “truth.” I’ve been completely transparent towards her but now she keeps coming up with false stories as to my motives. How do I stop this. I love her very much. She keeps threatening to cut me out of her life because she cannot keep a deceitful person around. I am extremely hurt by these words but respectfully told her that I accept her decision. I’m not sure what more to do. Should I just hope that she grows out of this paranoid thinking. Should I back off. I’m terribly hurt and confused. Advice would be much appreciated. Thank you!",4.055624361034028,5.966250752495013,4.9796017720656245,81.12560829560394,72.41317365269461,8.32093861058371,27.58877367216786,8.979522561349006,2.276765113675089,2061,77,390,43,41,671,247,501,0.154,0.698,0.147,-0.7041,2,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,6,2,0,1,24,26,1,1,19,0,47,3,0,4,4,84,86,28,0,6,10,0,4,0,5,3,2,2,0,1,24,34,0,7,14,0,1,10,6,8,2,2,30,8,79,18,70,51,8,59,1,3,2,1,63,24,0,9,24,292,103,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17730663377420236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06169464752560293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076256890608048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952053994787803,0.0,0.11060761192434716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427867527151605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249798969683592,0.0,0.0,0.15629940046609406,0.09512117984788447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170174630390379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284097160327907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757872980385189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866895689187714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04587219776618056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803689886618789,0.0,0.0,0.1740592447377598,0.1546796553472609,0.07609402042147641,0.0,0.0,0.09994144504019786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010825824514412,0.08934373036072228,0.0,0.19424136989709567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225545423643508,0.0,0.0,0.049858904545532816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408023039719006,0.0,0.09092812724670726,0.0,0.08028686542484323,0.0761843430221167,0.0,0.0,0.0771293209230609,0.08188091219940348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338346368091672,0.0672698421014951,0.06997105311245863,0.08762069173876755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061476149597617664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921569135891876,0.0,0.0995864433287,0.0,0.0,0.08688741008462185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163035243937238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581193793944067,0.0,0.08957786732035304,0.09740238646330487,0.0,0.0,0.08629820358452768,0.07214644992207016,0.0,0.0,0.07229436377293555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750468772073532,0.0,0.0,0.09248051833835956,0.15373834907479975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245138344760314,0.07584836306419965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550521039428945,0.0942957760261688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835254092587393,0.10374948303824337,0.0,0.12054445770869655,0.05813153764464354,0.0,0.14404761463157578,0.05290122212821784,0.0,0.0,0.1733791378375428,0.0,0.061594858454653574,0.09868040668898803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835541184740884,0.0,0.07485585070338807,0.0,0.0,0.1455447923807926,0.0,0.16314147110328164,0.0,0.1637265182132953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444690811416136,0.09919119216222272,0.0,0.05842253952024967 bpd,lavendelparakeet,2020/01/07,"Irrational Anger Towards My Boyfriend I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now. This is the longest and only relationship I've had where neither I nor my partner has been toxic. I really love him but I'm scared that it'll end because of my outbursts of anger. I dont know why exactly they happen or what to do to stop them. For example, this past Saturday, my boyfriend went over to our neighbors place bc it was a birthday party. I was invited to go but didn't bc I'm an ex-alcoholic and plus I just dont like socializing bc none of them are really friends with me, just my boyfriend. He stayed out for 6.5 hours drinking at their place and hanging out with them. He sent me a couple messages talking about how he was having a good time and I got so mad that I locked the deadbolt w the intention of falling asleep and locking him out for the night. I didnt but once he got home I immediately told him not to touch me and I kept trying to start arguments for no reason. I think maybe him drinking was a trigger for that one but I already know that's pretty irrational. There have also been times I've just straight up gotten super distant and angry and kept trying to start arguments out of nothing despite the fact that I'm aware it's all irrational and actively dont want to. It's like I literally cant stop myself from getting so angry all of sudden and start slamming doors and getting all cynical out of nowhere. Maybe it's because my family started arguments w me constantly when I lived with them and that's just how I grew up ?? I dont know because I cant find any real explanation for why. I just get so angry all of sudden that I cant even manage to question what might've caused it. It's like the only thing my brain is set on is hurting my boyfriend emotionally and pushing him away. I always take responsibility for these actions and always promptly apologize. My boyfriend is very patient with me but I know he really shouldnt have to put up with this kind of treatment. I just dont know what to do :( I have tried therapy and meds in the past but it didnt help at all and I cant afford it now anyways so I'm not sure how to go about fixing myself. I feel so hopeless",2.708755807950439,4.5978442706935185,4.085369127516781,86.18677336086729,76.0917225950783,7.090208225778698,26.89778007227672,7.969615865706242,1.6512350025813118,1747,69,356,28,39,576,203,447,0.191,0.743,0.066,-0.9956,1,0,3,0,0,1,27.0,1,0,6,1,26,16,4,1,12,0,34,5,2,7,8,74,66,35,0,2,15,0,2,3,3,2,0,0,3,1,24,28,2,4,10,2,0,10,19,7,0,1,19,2,54,9,55,45,7,52,0,2,0,1,30,19,0,2,24,235,78,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893057347125691,0.0,0.0,0.0922162242541612,0.06682702261899537,0.13906580303042368,0.0,0.0,0.05682716957391304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851221198861026,0.0,0.0,0.15282162483500664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093286347342178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584443115547932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030424326926806,0.0,0.0,0.09246325229922067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4896886844547845,0.16372407260055674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399954950122774,0.07401392205794989,0.0,0.0,0.05519399539855812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877778908855063,0.0,0.04225305218098565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637703588149543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456222987311487,0.0,0.13097803016807066,0.0,0.09498400435689247,0.07009048556858227,0.1336693732645098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389638877125937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05601196054132404,0.0,0.08382266189010866,0.0,0.08229484273279525,0.0,0.08945822456340835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702024744020104,0.2296261132055837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247713807028075,0.0,0.07378956103515992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542081313441644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16790485610677566,0.0,0.09282204650686338,0.0,0.0,0.0886494215832095,0.0,0.0,0.06670090782277258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842023518033542,0.0,0.08018301801553009,0.0,0.0,0.08899416061505043,0.056625910318804824,0.12711012880962475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595447881606289,0.0,0.0,0.17461559778308644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501580276001568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400605956001438,0.09361209608227387,0.0,0.0,0.0951154387918315,0.16060193035413212,0.08591889498420564,0.0,0.0897177008776491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366329615691495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518414981974523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365913814482964,0.08906933434215873,0.0,0.13972841932403512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875916769786119,0.0,0.06283059520316757,0.06716650454559457,0.0,0.0,0.09556403516809707,0.0,0.05551697443902808,0.05354517579427867,0.0,0.0,0.09745502539097607,0.0,0.0,0.07985008474506719,0.0,0.17020576046720334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895000283056371,0.049288892305518174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774657339836159,0.15080910560988522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,conkerE,2020/01/07,"paranoia I just get so worried. I feel like all my friends and people I care about are talking about me behind my back and hate me. I’m constantly in fear of everyone switching their opinions of me. I overthink the most simple things like “well they didn’t view this then they must think I’m annoying and want nothing to do with me” after a month of not cutting myself, I broke the promise I made to myself and hurt myself again. I feel so angry and disappointed. I just overthink everything. I deleted social media accounts off my phone so I wouldn’t be tempted to do anything harmful to myself again. Not that social media causes this I’m just saying it’s another reason for me to overthink and worry about",3.8059245742092473,5.985385839416063,4.62454379562044,82.24124391727493,73.81751824817519,6.318491484184915,28.204987834549875,7.1686216300943375,1.7196330900243315,568,23,98,6,12,183,84,137,0.187,0.6729999999999999,0.14,-0.8791,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,3,0,13,14,3,1,3,0,7,0,0,3,2,24,18,10,0,3,5,0,2,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,4,0,1,0,4,8,1,0,2,4,25,6,17,13,2,9,0,3,1,0,9,2,0,2,9,78,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19255392096926385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111329946499824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412014954658656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18722482693456788,0.18864041048517705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984407059325093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17546802466783193,0.16503639335284254,0.0,0.0,0.20663679282131456,0.18569947987043028,0.13118657248122653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418734492286909,0.0,0.0959400201926307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18129835450741594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19658160670145414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794264134911816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737568198797664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14657312608470413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17619963495354216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730714724438474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18880404238334625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460313531664257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743789264494855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759626009271706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199678774858858,0.11766382286393627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831077510470707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16510701364035985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37297395028161545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tofutunasalad,2020/01/07,"butterscotch ello world, everyone that’s recently self harmed let me know if you’ve regretted it after or not. I used to heavily self harm (cutting) and stopped due to not wanting the new people in my life to find out, but I’m on the verge. share ya stories feeling bad, long story, my mind is going downhill right now",3.913870967741936,5.711874258064518,4.852451612903226,82.35867741935486,72.54838709677419,8.185806451612903,30.14193548387097,8.841846274778883,2.581021935483871,252,11,47,5,5,82,55,62,0.18100000000000002,0.752,0.067,-0.775,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,1,6,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,15,8,4,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,1,5,1,7,7,0,14,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,2,7,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091506657803308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393561940393827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665646866721622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289454880225842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236058640432692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376640555471428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561454195842638,0.17693016878893428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22167786481265314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529258862356006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419270917512669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17365986934720154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473309956363361,0.0,0.0,0.21391911521436136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5226363442910786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20942283752933694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163449812486383,0.0,0.0,0.14774688979143072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HerChewToy,2020/01/07,Does bpd make you selfish ? Does anyone have a hard time recognizing someone’s efforts or care if things aren’t done in a way you “expect” or presume they should be ?,5.8515625,6.42063103125,5.7687500000000025,82.20125,66.8125,7.65,31.625,7.1686216300943375,1.8767625,131,5,25,1,2,41,28,32,0.147,0.7559999999999999,0.09699999999999999,-0.168,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,7,3,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147390041878241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867952875299844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131199170097116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5375094416672457,0.3142809634976764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27511094402928554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049988362567395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26021397471062035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040307617356731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790787706499367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24377024929317054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cordelia17,2020/01/07,"some poetry i wrote about life with bpd I'm off my rocker It's spinning alone I'm in my world All on my own miniature earthquake rising within me bubbling and grating it's visible insanity",2.531842105263156,5.068348236842108,4.572894736842105,79.19776315789477,79.78947368421052,6.957894736842108,27.921052631578952,8.07648339933343,2.3068210526315798,155,7,27,3,4,53,31,38,0.191,0.809,0.0,-0.7269,0,1,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,6,2,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5828265135760999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7087483961123028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974782586267661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Danidinger,2020/01/07,"learning that I'm worthy of friendship and people's time is difficult after years of being put down I've started to feel happiness again. It used to be just sadness or emptiness. But happiness is coming through again. I'm starting to learn that people enjoy my company, starting to realise I can spend time with others and not be made to feel guilty or that I did something wrong. Anytime I spent around my ex, I would do something that would make him annoyed, something would be a problem. Whether it was my humour, my stories of the past or just my general mood, there was always a problem. This weekend I spent 12 hours with a friend and their friends. We were drinking and having a great time. We were joking about the stuff we joke about in private. I didn't have to behave in a different way because we were in the company of others. It was just authentic. The next day I had such anxiety that I would have done, fearing I must have done something wrong. Instead I just get messages of chit chat and asking if I enjoyed myself. People enjoy my company, and I'm not a bad person. I feel happy. I no longer feel constant guilt. I like this feeling I hope it carries on.",4.151282427802252,5.916423044052867,4.663135095447871,84.09199094468919,71.86343612334802,6.80655898188938,30.672785119921684,7.3871296695380915,1.9941064121390115,929,41,169,10,18,295,125,227,0.136,0.6559999999999999,0.209,0.9625,1,0,5,0,0,0,24.0,4,0,1,0,12,25,1,2,10,0,28,1,0,3,1,45,48,12,0,9,12,1,5,1,2,5,0,0,0,1,14,14,1,0,7,5,3,2,4,10,0,0,14,5,28,14,23,25,0,25,0,1,0,0,13,6,0,5,17,127,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915207551847384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414229172421778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097914701752497,0.10282609913084274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183732069758074,0.06704907656988235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474691919798177,0.0,0.1188604582908374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093465542574266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491647139625275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251165649651024,0.0,0.10774863726235974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376968615926802,0.27807204648420764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995649270023558,0.0,0.05746540113804404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126471319013132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512602142764003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092452029574557,0.10831830673809838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05373571323692142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407549774133364,0.07341939092709616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697595032607674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499820358463996,0.22876031095625754,0.09603930259507157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21049175839477832,0.0,0.11057064847703278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33870367978000965,0.0,0.0,0.2335551382349353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259125984251584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924087157152228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499631928071918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730519429308509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125358627067443,0.24051429092933255,0.0,0.07083015820609978 bpd,AvoidantSavoidant,2020/01/07,"Did I set boundaries? Or was I overreacting? Help. I was on a road trip with my brother. We're close, but very different people. I'm a Type A, smart one and he's the laid-back, social one. Doing tasks together can be a challenge. I got short with him yesterday, and he was still angry about it this morning. We tried talking about it, but we argued instead; at one point, he made a comment that implied that soon, I'll ""blow up"" and ""start yelling"" at him; he makes comments like this from time to time. I've told him that his comments like that feels incredibly invalidating; it almost seems like gaslighting. He doesn't listen to me unless I start yelling at him, but as soon as I do, I feel like all that I have to say and all that I've felt is just hysterics; symptoms rather than the truth. That's been my experience all my life. I'm usually high functioning until I break. I told him that using my mental illness as part of an argument is a non-negotiable red card. I didn't let up until he apologized, and I told him that I don't want to travel with him today. (When I saw him, I didn't see my brother but another enabler in the abuse and neglect I've received in my family.) In response, he booked a flight back home, and I'm now going to finish my trip alone. Was this healthy boundary setting? Or was I overreacting? Is he setting boundaries? Or withdrawing as a punishment? I never know what I'm allowed to feel and I'm lost; I'm alone in a new state and just feel so unmoored from myself, my family, my feelings. Should I email my therapist? I wish I knew what I'm supposed to feel and act like in this situation.",2.8750050968399563,4.5383845535168215,4.289296636085627,85.88167176350662,75.02446483180428,7.413251783893987,26.790010193679922,8.167268648758528,1.6764915392456676,1267,48,262,21,27,420,165,327,0.128,0.764,0.10800000000000001,-0.8571,2,2,0,0,3,0,52.0,2,0,0,3,13,12,2,0,13,0,21,3,0,4,5,51,54,26,0,4,11,2,7,5,0,1,3,4,1,0,18,16,0,1,10,2,0,6,5,4,0,3,18,14,43,8,34,33,4,45,0,2,3,0,36,16,0,5,23,165,61,3,0.0,0.13693508725338055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572964886423255,0.23939751260494546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121188350583217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773698140505093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074916968986495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130525549430734,0.21790384692351172,0.0,0.3506230393498612,0.08256536277027167,0.11096818878062377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568279011455076,0.0,0.09243427299492707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746613491502727,0.12210920285721685,0.11592912606808707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351588944105398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818120631768753,0.08163261640753114,0.2823156105131909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616156435865228,0.0,0.0,0.10935795177692206,0.07714586417305841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164703846864173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913701001004505,0.11162110800380318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349457347706907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251542790276191,0.0,0.08012375502062316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925382624813937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919082755344114,0.0,0.0,0.09209670486080757,0.10521330389877412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990887618960786,0.0,0.11781210260779584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16360630567006007,0.0,0.0922967342113752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012458234751056,0.0,0.09289318660897614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418914206159935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478307261740965,0.0,0.10954967511574487,0.3313048165814935,0.0,0.0784664696387452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981795070253256,0.12728731370612545,0.09535981547589838,0.06816794028008619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329032277513836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,EmotionalOrUnstable,2020/01/07,"Anyone have any advice? i don't really know how reddit all works, but i agree with you, sorry if i format this wrong or just straight up scuff my post. had friends just today say they want nothing to do with me, saying ""that i disagree with stuff you've said/done"" but i don't know what. i trusted these people and they crushed me. cut me out and threw me away, it cost my partner these friends too. i feel empty, i want to be alone but i also want some friends too but i don't think anyone should have to put up with my shit. am i just a bad person or is it that i don't know how to interact with people. How can i overcome these feelings? Does anyone else know what i can do? this isn't the first time, but like i tend to be relatively blunt and forward with people because my patience is at its end. how can i be more tolerant and not feel like telling people what i don't like about them?",2.2832263814616773,3.6473638823529417,3.2174545454545487,94.1995151515152,75.95187165775401,5.8422816399287,22.09233511586453,6.079149491110277,0.10889190730837807,694,18,158,4,15,221,99,187,0.162,0.665,0.17300000000000001,-0.3693,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,3,2,11,11,2,0,2,0,21,1,1,4,1,41,34,17,0,5,12,0,3,3,4,1,0,2,0,2,14,11,0,0,8,0,1,3,7,4,0,1,2,5,29,7,17,28,3,14,0,0,0,0,13,7,1,4,8,110,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321256153115499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400367490651758,0.0,0.10812736210400918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919474143999624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28362585904682874,0.1385385900070727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703421524073902,0.0,0.11289467508020255,0.08242274117197641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832315366216235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295057802395725,0.0,0.11975589869872567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20509866641317584,0.09659402774844776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150095292241842,0.0,0.0,0.31338865630151197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972314482142896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817028110158025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973761038237694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37495026757436206,0.11806012826858825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949377331112522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592336251106182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866189673849494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861564179722315,0.2150487860626088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879108854777933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135648873516366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478306400642566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817947115465105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663708759014939,0.0,0.0,0.07884201933837325,0.0,0.12816323943741914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392510258795843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843446663221114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783087376877052,0.0,0.0 bpd,Libralotus,2020/01/07,"Can you trust your own thoughts and intuition? Hey there! I recently was diagnosed with bpd in addition to my already existing adhd. Since I’ve been learning more about it, I’ve realized that I have a hard time distinguishing reality and paranoid thinking. It’s hard for me to believe what I’m feeling is valid without having to ask someone else for their opinion. To kind of explain what I mean, my boyfriend has been acting sketchy lately but I have no idea if that’s me overthinking or me being paranoid. Basically he was gone doing an errand way longer than it should have taken, and it seemed to me that he was drunk afterwards (he denied and honestly was hard to tell) and he got defensive. My friend said it was absolutely weird, but I don’t know if I would have trusted myself enough to think it was valid. This happens very often and sometimes I’m not able to trust my feelings. Does anyone have a good way to cope if they’ve felt the same way? Thanks.",4.28953153153153,6.209554745945948,4.783243243243245,82.73612612612614,71.81081081081079,7.960360360360362,29.63063063063064,8.648137234880735,2.3496198198198197,768,32,144,14,15,244,120,185,0.10099999999999999,0.7509999999999999,0.14800000000000002,0.9269,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,1,0,3,10,1,0,4,0,22,2,0,0,0,36,41,12,0,5,8,0,6,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,12,8,1,1,14,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,14,7,18,8,17,24,4,10,0,0,0,0,13,1,0,7,4,93,30,1,0.1481704632850932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807210298384302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635097907270765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360423306380713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851938162927882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669373724769667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18661551155461212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038990127062007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966497092391688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377740925611813,0.0,0.0,0.1530996970349803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983887652245642,0.0,0.14226688098521642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114476132381337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427835470352075,0.11850545511850763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310266513425383,0.0,0.3981948943753678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726641767809275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542967364262219,0.08143061162910868,0.0,0.16714273643669147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161401072177227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630045707614825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094404127880206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348888248813334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256813838074833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255443527101321,0.0,0.1465443768978931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950751578870365,0.1364154552633498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18988330002400752,0.0,0.11763079704700732,0.08639938869683972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225614987644726,0.0,0.3528324509650124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283103913151715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052560458994546,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,owl111owl,2020/01/07,"“Traits of borderline” without actual BPD? Asking because my therapist yesterday had me circle symptoms on a list of BPD symptoms that I’ve had and I circled almost every single one. She said “Well, you definitely have the traits of BPD, even if you don’t have the actual disorder”, concluded that I could have BPD but she wants to start me with an antidepressant first for my depression and anxiety, and told me that I should buy a BPD workbook on Amazon to get started helping learn skills. She also said they would figure out in the future if I needed mood stabilizers after seeing how I responded to the Zoloft (there’s also the suspicion I could be bipolar?) A BPD diagnosis is something the two of us are going to work on more in the future and I trust that we will. Correct me if I’m wrong, but wouldn’t having the traits of BPD mean you actually HAVE BPD? Would it be possible to have the traits without the disorder? Do you think she formally has to rule out other things before diagnosing BPD but maybe she personally believes I probably have it? Just curious!",6.980074626865673,7.444097716417914,7.673843283582087,69.87852611940299,64.3731343283582,11.277114427860697,33.66542288557214,11.038039088145766,3.942216915422883,855,34,147,23,12,285,116,201,0.10099999999999999,0.8240000000000001,0.075,-0.8249,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,2,4,1,4,7,5,0,0,14,0,23,5,0,2,1,33,37,13,0,11,9,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,1,8,8,0,0,5,0,1,1,4,2,1,3,5,3,26,2,23,23,2,15,0,1,1,0,19,7,0,4,7,116,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.21315388626182774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729079161052432,0.0,0.0,0.1164510131312155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055698853665014036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068066791753244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04438382444443596,0.0,0.061955283181146785,0.0820310575644502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8253059688944782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626447453456742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271047410648703,0.07389982521705482,0.0,0.0,0.16689134698911684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048089802829961566,0.0,0.06134490770330825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061931484951133375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03803981212301597,0.0,0.04137915735705643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04880248510913613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314664725810778,0.0793105848395983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05398711373101202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04933741148171253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357420212496148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208145525173742,0.0,0.0,0.07850065321241761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851648186331558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05801952133664785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05605209434306002,0.0,0.0,0.1030694806831653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135331452088147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453711566289325,0.0483712102233248,0.0466532079775794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957232944666149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112402790296085,0.0,0.08758052635096263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042944764110001366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546423240750944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403709788783734,0.0,0.05300597898303298,0.0,0.0,0.10344316113368672,0.07960545179067054,0.0,0.0 bpd,rj_beatingo,2020/01/07,"Would I be able to own a gun if I’m diagnosed with BPD? Mild TW if you’re not into or against guns. For personal reasons that I’d rather not get into detail. I have been thinking about buying a handgun, but I’m my state (IL) if you are declared mentally unfit or have some kinds of mental disease you are not allowed to. I was just wondering if I am able to buy one if I have BPD.",1.37165505226481,2.8265750853658567,3.6566202090592337,89.71085365853662,78.6341463414634,6.636933797909408,25.12891986062717,7.447530270364453,1.135457839721254,295,11,66,4,7,102,56,82,0.024,0.976,0.0,-0.1779,1,0,0,3,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,10,1,0,2,0,22,15,8,0,7,13,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,8,1,10,11,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,9,0,47,9,0,0.4347325111877193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5475303793079204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22062217390403266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356489708644033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22635350598039705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4381081210993509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729300027330974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18979583017723345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234887130492348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927951971982655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23572443196786436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441075143133226,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DarksideZephyr,2020/01/07,"Is this rape or am I overreacting? I have BPD and my SO drove me to feel suicidal on purpose (he knows ghosting me causes this but has done it anyways) so he came to drive me to a hospital because I was experiencing chest pains. After that we spent days working on boundaries and him confessing his lies. I told him i had been feeling sexually taken advantage when he would emotionally abuse me (manipulate and gaslight me) in order to have sex with me. That when i asked about another girl and he lied about her, even though i made it clear he did not have my consent if he was being dishonest, and he fucked me anyways i felt violated. In my eyes, i asked him a question and said if he was lying i didnt consent to sex and to respect that. He lied and gaslighted me and manipulated my feelings so we would have sex and he came fast. Apologized for lasting less than a minute and said he knew i wasn’t into it and didn’t want to have sex. On my perspective of things, i was so scared to have sex, i didnt want to, i was terrified he wouldnt consider my consent or feelings... He said he was taking things slowly bc he wanted to have my real true consent this time before engaging in sexual intercourse since last time I felt sexually taken advantage of. I asked him before he put his dick in me, are you lying about the instagram issue we discussed today (him jacking off to his friends and flirting etc)? And i said if he wasn’r honest, to not have sex with me bc i wasnt consenting to it. I said i would consider it raping me if he forced sex on me if he was lying at that very moment. I was already forcing myself to have sex bc i wanted to spend more time with him and i knew that was the only way. He willingly and actively, knowing i’d feel raped, chose to disregard i didn’t consent and fucked me for like 20 seconds and bust a load. He admitted he used me for sex and did it knowing i would feel violated bc i said i didnt consent. I know its not 100% rape. But i do feel like me saying no i dont want to have sex if you are lying about this specific matter, and him ignoring my plea and doing it anyways is a form of abuse. Idk what to do. I love him and idk if this is me overreacting or if i have a right to feel this way. I cried to him begging to not do it again and he did knowing what it is.... what should i do? Is this rape or is this my BPD fogging my judgement?",3.3472299651567967,4.251409321138212,5.050009291521487,83.89382926829269,72.65853658536584,8.305783972125436,27.675029036004645,8.676224119757912,1.9008624157955865,1854,67,397,33,35,632,188,492,0.258,0.6459999999999999,0.096,-0.9988,0,0,0,0,2,0,46.0,3,2,0,3,16,23,9,1,8,0,57,22,3,5,2,92,102,44,2,19,18,0,10,2,1,7,1,7,0,1,28,32,0,2,20,0,2,5,14,12,0,1,40,19,79,11,47,54,4,33,1,0,1,19,60,12,3,13,15,278,107,1,0.0,0.19430530109710828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048536878567603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598066215842197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22996746448554145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04998441143252446,0.0,0.13954626054462166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065438810613122,0.0,0.0,0.18756470188968444,0.0,0.08423317126812001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006949617179304,0.05288107134375253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839110661857102,0.09609949130196416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223522185058657,0.0,0.0,0.09144796640263976,0.05415802987800245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316798569743545,0.05857844032181589,0.15745933175857788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335042696600945,0.1516092077565253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558322429878104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253161382856233,0.13367646659476534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011886625328787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400519968995889,0.07758723557848872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236216552324673,0.08725024237978461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242930504906637,0.0918550407513834,0.0,0.0,0.09333016642027504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002471161264229,0.4679856844001469,0.06520704630649339,0.08209297515498826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678284961006878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896910528070481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06165129427022276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089498935053985,0.0,0.08056131592985094,0.0,0.14343876010715068,0.0,0.07772325937569265,0.0783513359407453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081879945884026,0.0,0.06765584347393656,0.24181881406302694,0.1301702864526031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596945552807991,0.0,0.0,0.23299233856965698,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kookabino,2020/01/07,"Tell me about your muse-- Whether it's the one you love, your fp, or someone you're trying to be right now. Tell me about them :) From what I've noticed, we (collectively, as people w/ BPD) tend to see the obsessions that we so easily grow, as something we can expect to pass, fade away, or grow out of. But for some of us, they rarely are. For example, I've had so many ""girl crushes"" and ""role models"", and I've had dozens of very real crushes and ""love interests"" since I was a small child. For the longest time, I saw them as an ever present laundry-list of all the [bad] people I've suffered from or all of the [good] people I failed to be (or be with). Instead of impossibly filtering out the bad from the good, I decided to refer to the people, experiences, and eras of the past as ""muses"" instead. Just like an artist may find inspiration in a source of their choosing, and develop a passion to create something from it, we too (people who suffer from this mental illness and the like) paint our lives with the brilliant imaginations we've developed, as we pull inspiration and imagery from the world around us. It doesn't mean the memories or your renderings of those memories belong in the trash once it's over... especially if you're somebody who holds onto memories as if they were your own soul... Because, you're not trash and you don't belong there. Although I'm grateful for the beautiful-though-imperfect life I have now, it's easy to look at my past life as the product of someone messy or unworthy. But none of us deserve to feel unworthy-- past, present, or future. Broken as I was then, and ugly those days were, most of the people I've chosen to adore are here to stay in my head. Every person I've looked up to, every person I've creatively extended the life of, and every person I've wanted to be like is within an arms reach inside my head, even with a goldfish memory like mine. Organizing the people and things and eras you once valued (or still do) into mementos or a seamless gallery on a wall inside your brain is not to honor the people you've left behind for the better, or the ones that have left you. It's to honor yourself. TLDR; You still deserve to walk down memory lane in the comfort of your own mind. Tell me about the people you adore!",8.053307535203698,6.435497920993228,8.086352789422765,74.66035364936043,63.01805869074492,11.056605396108782,34.18778888530581,9.842372674337009,3.0850809201332905,1781,58,343,29,21,580,215,443,0.086,0.773,0.141,0.9759,0,0,2,0,0,0,80.0,9,12,5,4,18,24,0,1,33,0,21,11,4,0,3,62,32,39,0,4,18,0,1,4,0,1,4,0,0,5,15,24,0,1,9,1,0,5,5,6,0,3,7,5,39,18,72,20,7,45,1,3,4,3,39,22,0,15,21,235,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347469320466159,0.0,0.0,0.07754545203845839,0.0,0.13782851486489436,0.050313285364241414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299653833378983,0.0,0.0,0.103951421355677,0.09213766610874824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05322900393609087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545143642572532,0.07465869432226363,0.20862085808649988,0.0,0.0,0.08073621524805892,0.0,0.0,0.04173276931561204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543656741765628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384548530564707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16941185163671024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935158826628275,0.0,0.1748932209323182,0.1612920214656442,0.0,0.07288095343716704,0.0,0.13861919714461407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898423823455306,0.0,0.0,0.08367872548358038,0.0,0.08990608937801503,0.0,0.0,0.0831770502913605,0.0,0.0833380069355209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939679807097489,0.0,0.17579666242694564,0.111857294592539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363703506422195,0.5149817146172957,0.21620220970287307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394423504484747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704854412994664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577064437883083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827477572178914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986526413242448,0.12708075760692145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797257928905723,0.1318269897347248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21642076101276486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0548333662960166,0.0,0.08109137152028051,0.0,0.048127506574766984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05603664406964521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978425633529773,0.0,0.0,0.06810098712191041,0.048681973638200066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,joker1848,2020/01/07,"Solitude Can you overcome bpd in solitude? I feel like without any help or any friends or family, it’s all a lose cause and I don’t want to bug anyone any longer and at the moment I think I have developed a serious eating disorder as I cannot stop eating when I’m feeling down or bored. Idk I just don’t think I’m going to ever heal and I have no idea what to do when I’m feeling lonely with no one.",1.7153733766233756,2.8928562840909122,3.928766233766236,89.28636363636366,77.06818181818181,6.846753246753247,23.935064935064936,7.447530270364453,0.9420564935064926,315,10,71,4,7,109,57,88,0.22,0.647,0.134,-0.7629,0,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,4,6,0,0,3,0,7,3,0,1,2,20,17,9,0,1,5,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,6,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,0,3,8,2,9,17,1,9,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,3,6,43,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038123791891365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840233655856696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24929505362318324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033360934270744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22685325187557825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050784702769836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17904558650355687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18659763558891568,0.0,0.3002490825627735,0.1414064202352677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529258383873863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124923080275893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267317504890133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22344707691790652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670214850331503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214411669033512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341274120638483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16548441490998184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25366041154504465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674852609367135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190804458122048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lydiara,2020/01/07,"How has your BPD improved over time? Feeling scared and confused. Hi there everyone, I'm new here and excited to hear from you all. I'm a 22 y/o woman and will be graduating college in May with honors. (I'm so excited!) I was told I was borderline last spring. I have always done well in school, the only problems I've had were social (mainly with boys and sometimes friends) that caused absences, but I've still always done well with grades. I've also always done well at work/professional environments. My main symptom is emotional disregulation, I don't handle rejection well- romantic rejection is crushing, but career rejection can also distressing for me. I used to cut (not even really cutting, just scratching) and think about suicide a lot, but I've never had a suicide attempt and haven't cut for over a year. I also feel ""empty"" and/or bored or lonely every now and then, but I don't really have other symptoms. I'm not very impulsive and most of my relationships are pretty stable aside from the normal amount of college and high school ""drama"". I'm very sure of myself and who I am and I haven't changed hobbies or interests often, so I'd say my sense of self is pretty stable unless facing romantic rejection which makes my self-esteem low (more than the non-BPD individual but not an atypical reaction when most people are rejected IMO). I would say I'm generally high functioning and currently only meet 3-4/9 criteria for borderline. I think I met only four during my visit. The psychiatrist I saw in the spring did not want to slap a diagnosis on after only seeing me once. I really respected that she didn't put a label on me, give me meds and then get me out the door as fast as she could. I tried to go home to see a neuropsychologist for clarity of diagnosis (I go to school out of state and my insurance only works there) but couldn't see someone on my break who was covered. I do not take medication, it had minimal positive effects and too many side effects. I tried many different types of prescriptions, but I kept telling the psychiatrist I was seeing I wasn't getting many results and the side effects were too bad. She finally listened to me and I took a DNA test that showed how ineffective most of these medications are for me, which convinced me to taper off and made my doctor take me slightly more seriously. I feel much better off of SSRIs and mood stabilizers than I felt on them. (Yay!) I am not currently doing DBT because my insurance doesn't cover therapy out of state. I'm also in a Conservatory program and my classes are 8:30-5:20 with rehearsals 7-11, and campus counseling appointments rarely fit in my schedule since they cater to the rest of the university. I do mindfulness exercises and read books on stress management. I have a DBT workbook for those with BPD which helps, and I reached out to a new counselor on campus with DBT certification to see if she can fit me in this semester. My dad is a psychiatrist. He told me some people ""grow out"" of their symptoms around 30, and that I might have them for the rest of my life but they ""can be managed with DBT"". I'm currently doing well, nothing exciting- just completing applications and auditions for work and getting ready for the next semester. Nothing is ""bad"" in my life right now, but I always manage to find things wrong when I am alone with time to think and my anxiety goes through the roof. I wanted to ask other people with BPD how their symptoms and lives improved over time, if they went into remission, or they ""grew out of the disorder"". Being told that my symptoms ""can improve"" or I will have ""better quality of life"" is giving me a lot of anxiety. I don't want to just have a better life, I want a life where I **never** have to suffer because of this again. The thought of the rest of my life being like this, or even the next eight years being like this (when I turn 30) is making me feel so afraid. I have so much to look forward to and be excited about but these symptoms to keep bringing me down. I want to celebrate my accomplishments and milestones without these symptoms getting in the way. I'm scared and feeling sad the past few days. I wanted to reach out to others who have been through this.",6.229141791044775,6.851256944029857,6.89886169154229,74.2414119402985,66.00248756218906,10.21309452736318,32.49791044776119,10.17224662633116,3.299247641791045,3349,132,608,76,50,1105,349,804,0.111,0.741,0.14800000000000002,0.9872,5,4,0,0,0,2,108.0,0,2,8,12,38,47,3,6,35,1,67,18,1,12,4,129,126,67,2,13,28,1,7,2,1,5,17,4,2,3,25,49,0,2,14,5,1,10,18,25,5,2,27,18,87,21,102,86,18,85,0,9,7,0,41,40,0,17,35,428,112,24,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05328605843576356,0.0,0.16457625513421775,0.17124007761400953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871729498074766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04580087078009098,0.048098240558573264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859161940500402,0.06272614912649302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650843060918355,0.0,0.0,0.25919485522212904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05285270258202453,0.05442663953812065,0.0,0.053943713352272375,0.0,0.0,0.04107815662042881,0.0,0.0,0.033180604432590924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053753668884454035,0.05896546574228904,0.05266063740339152,0.0,0.15795178636943066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05787364614991189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796368229944116,0.0,0.04334833553568465,0.04916210316003842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300718037294523,0.0,0.0493994889715743,0.05636029902632185,0.04702381630591812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03974967610112982,0.0,0.1075207446784682,0.0987098984628034,0.05847975535223907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057987209070577424,0.0,0.034485445959388086,0.10871822431558127,0.0516079396051626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045730587555792686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041938124997455986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180413816747125,0.05027115262958965,0.0,0.04543075969582593,0.0,0.04320453518857036,0.0,0.0,0.08748087409308042,0.0,0.048682662951612506,0.06868574333412934,0.15648483821119305,0.0,0.0,0.057148681062335435,0.10365970842189903,0.0,0.054579679193398886,0.05194922387892263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564245252469529,0.0,0.07936189265295453,0.09938029545980273,0.10943403369201103,0.0,0.050409484817350726,0.09873416705687912,0.0,0.0,0.05479192813340647,0.0,0.19564792213982535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04911427056865996,0.10700560032552817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468506524107517,0.0,0.0492301240465532,0.0,0.051720853889424184,0.0,0.0,0.051463319425690005,0.0,0.098879402482524,0.0,0.0,0.05523739742932371,0.0,0.04393750348629875,0.0,0.08182925023015854,0.103019642609188,0.1562086079950986,0.2049925391268616,0.0,0.10734588246751532,0.0,0.0,0.042559472438531566,0.0,0.0,0.05244618054456342,0.04359290668495125,0.0,0.05088476868461013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04108755449546704,0.0,0.058935109848004825,0.0,0.0,0.11255457836653217,0.0,0.04849044731164436,0.37432935801407613,0.07736708640564237,0.0,0.04496904025473682,0.0,0.05883686874375872,0.0,0.03418069289742765,0.098900087502412,0.0,0.04084507385837023,0.09000167051227778,0.0,0.0,0.14748630948011526,0.057162172567326065,0.06986152597697241,0.0559621693131766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04443575955486714,0.0,0.08490228063910771,0.18207712234025653,0.04083813616014364,0.0,0.0,0.2312959313356113,0.047694105994119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04959538223874519,0.0,0.11236732020855494,0.0,0.0,0.036548175110002856,0.05625183839840808,0.0,0.06626344900750815 bpd,kanmaewest,2020/01/07,"RIP Elizabeth Wurtzel, a true borderline babe. Loved her books. Anyone's personal faves? I adored More, Now, Again. [https://www.nytimes.com/2020/01/07/books/elizabeth-wurtzel-dead.html](https://www.nytimes.com/2020/01/07/books/elizabeth-wurtzel-dead.html)",34.4995,44.12666995,11.93,16.65500000000003,49.5,9.6,29.0,8.238735603445708,4.453799999999998,229,5,15,4,5,44,20,20,0.0,0.596,0.40399999999999997,0.8591,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,6,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4864756800947013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6279300550101748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6074909535880485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,FertilityHotel,2020/01/07,"What do you guys do when feeling hopeless? I'm tired. I've tried. I've barely seen some if any results. I feel like there is no point. &#x200B; I want to believe I can get better. But I'm not stupid. I recognize patterns. In the last ten years, I've had therapy, meds, TMS treatment, meditation, great familial and friend support, yet still, I feel like shit. I hit all the points that people suggest to get better, but here I am, miserable. I have my ups, but they are always temporary. It's really frustrating to try and try and try only to stay the same and if not sometimes be worse. &#x200B; I just need some advice on what keeps you guys going. I really honestly don't want to lose hope but I am finding it incredibly hard to do so.",2.021632653061225,4.339498918367351,3.563972789115649,86.96555102040818,80.22448979591837,6.913197278911565,24.08571428571429,8.021203637495839,1.483968163265306,579,21,116,11,15,191,96,147,0.11599999999999999,0.67,0.214,0.8926,0,0,0,0,0,2,32.0,0,2,1,3,7,15,3,1,3,0,12,2,1,1,1,27,28,12,0,6,9,0,4,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,2,5,15,9,9,24,4,12,0,3,1,0,7,5,1,5,7,69,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877963463465645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114136494099853,0.26340402939598906,0.2953990310477845,0.08265982536600659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369479719501434,0.0,0.215006505332828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114588819707272,0.0,0.1843816931574412,0.17367417055044787,0.0,0.0,0.11109672530366192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391111129704242,0.0,0.1270122628741811,0.0,0.06908105112021072,0.0,0.0,0.13401199090273488,0.0,0.24071204614025696,0.0,0.0,0.1088871082140545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072899658738825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804139099662054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990814595370608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876876172819464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598608508608218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350173554639762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012959184507606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244610569587004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426915493190552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298126843565484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15573920733167818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477182981800182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021846827398062,0.0,0.0,0.1295587247683208,0.0970719331984048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379362650382666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900580510158045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397066452377846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301045032272953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338955330720315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387231781122175,0.0,0.0,0.2953990310477845,0.07827578417039124 bpd,IntelligentCod3,2020/01/07,"I feel isolated and alienated at work I work retail and called out sick today. I am sick, but lately my job makes me want to find any excuse not to go in. I've been bullied at work before but those people ended up leaving. Now theres this girl who does mostly stock but is also meant to be a backup cashier. She is extremely rude to me specifically because I'm usually the one who has to ask her to be backup cash and she HATES cash. She gives me just really nasty vibes. I've gone to management about her attitude before but nothing has come out of it. So I called out this morning and immediately after I get a dm from her saying ""good job"". Anyway so now I'm home, feel physically and mentally like shit and can't stop crying",4.26898648648649,5.044071168918922,5.729297297297298,80.34678378378379,70.41891891891892,8.892972972972975,25.610810810810808,9.120678840339163,1.8769248648648649,575,16,116,11,10,195,98,148,0.18600000000000005,0.721,0.09300000000000001,-0.9616,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,9,5,3,0,3,0,9,3,1,1,0,24,23,13,0,1,6,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,1,1,6,10,0,1,4,0,3,3,2,3,0,1,3,3,15,2,18,18,1,18,0,0,0,0,15,7,1,1,9,72,21,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282355912911018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090466910856966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149909993104659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775073343465886,0.0,0.2729000687487307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274801437151501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813137057337602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614210227859245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032747380538094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202666356972898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621603033603453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656128574163468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377870950252435,0.15382683468327882,0.09113326828390282,0.13449790980531798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15831706252579214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084883314877482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182545823963621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18088708000283255,0.16979246813045795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834120392499228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070380037817452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615998162721963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538646542035804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866049103412834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116975465679177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272732344056504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752048926637868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460178958902238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340637048454668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519975006440217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766080412979876,0.0,0.09458135348805667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3502203823264582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LowKeyVelmaBabe,2020/01/07,"The Stigma That BPD Gets In Society I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m so fucking tired of everyone hating on us BPD’s. I am a quiet BPD, so no one really knows that I have it, people just think I’m “eccentric.” So, sometimes conversations will lead to BPD. I get soooooo pissed when people compare BPD to APD. They aren’t the fucking same! I am also in r/raisedbynarcissists and a bunch of other narcissistic parents subreddits. I have Complex PTSD, due to multiple trauma’s. I love the community, but what pisses me off is that a lot of people in there constantly blames BPD. When in fact it’s more leaning on NPD. I’m just so tired of being low key brought down by people irl and on the internet. I feel like a complete monster.",1.8434589041095888,4.315066547945206,3.8906678082191815,83.4210702054795,82.15068493150685,6.937671232876713,24.19349315068493,8.07648339933343,1.6870013698630142,580,22,112,12,16,197,93,146,0.21,0.732,0.057999999999999996,-0.9776,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,1,1,11,9,5,0,8,0,9,7,2,1,1,15,23,11,0,0,4,1,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,7,0,1,1,2,11,2,18,20,4,16,0,1,0,3,5,10,4,1,5,73,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352184869374514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302794169144097,0.10701268326221827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7892426569946478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095049504173704,0.11286418348668227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872474913289152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979835154835287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052808772451671065,0.0746130453322706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19310901125024335,0.10913277083805377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311438196514897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479665998369973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05102485288858389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879244850528496,0.09426255272341587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077227936305593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596995214304895,0.0,0.0,0.28962640821572355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220865520569796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690791439982742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329533740881908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692191116260388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400803348317909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563029335195802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,zouillelamagouille,2020/01/07,"I want to read to better myself. Hi everybody, I want to read different book about bdp. I don’t want to read about the symptoms, I’m more interested in activity book or book with idea to soften my BPD. I’m on a list to do the Marsha Linehan therapy, but I want to start now haha. I don’t want to lose motivation. Also, I want to thank you all for all your testimony. It helps a lot to know you’re not alone in this 🖤. (English is not my first language sorry)",1.147961053837342,2.912409752577325,3.941168384879728,86.00277205040095,80.34020618556701,7.197709049255441,22.117983963344788,8.167268648758528,1.1310650630011456,354,11,79,7,9,126,60,97,0.035,0.6920000000000001,0.273,0.9521,1,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,4,4,5,0,0,4,1,4,1,0,1,2,17,15,3,0,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,11,4,17,15,4,6,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,2,3,49,13,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17163074858164545,0.0,0.13252221451836546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465614385258859,0.0,0.0,0.2087122238733089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17313688984465692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409570825268328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107526206534372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18707204841704747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107262254296224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18539268120160168,0.0,0.14088495516394747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4972794928062842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18550435966072826,0.11729392009668625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224132169980486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256809469652013,0.1895095288172748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5864579539978929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,UrsulaVanTentacles,2020/01/07,"DAE run away when the chase is over? I have a problem with getting a high from being chased, or doing the chasing in the early stages of dating. I LOVE the feeling. Then it goes one of two ways: when things start getting serious I RUN before I can get hurt, or I'm too emotionally entangled already and spend years in a relationship I'm not happy in. Rinse, repeat. I guess I want the feeling you get when you first meet someone to *last*, but obviously it's not reality, and I've had so many failed relationships I expect it to end eventually anyways. Which leaves me hurting people, or getting hurt, one after another. Does any else feel like this? It makes me feel like seriously shitty person.",2.480776942355892,5.177458030075194,4.104090225563913,81.43082205513787,81.4812030075188,6.554185463659147,24.656140350877195,7.793537801064563,1.6516420050125316,550,21,100,10,15,183,93,133,0.19,0.7190000000000001,0.091,-0.9469,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,0,2,6,11,0,0,8,0,6,1,0,1,1,19,22,11,0,3,6,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,4,0,1,2,2,7,0,4,1,4,11,4,12,20,0,23,0,4,0,1,7,6,0,4,15,63,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158311983628792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341132458143137,0.14403673423085658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290567482537599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168855131979623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020699640510335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474888309051215,0.15451451294872026,0.12166255241531025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27781876883384804,0.19626383487824825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684061519757405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588316228781128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513204651653607,0.0,0.0,0.14622511429504256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451312004367063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44114873116998543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196890794091308,0.0,0.14544723176929975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421692222071355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397517083322394,0.0,0.09169064750389813,0.13926418539122112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616099757103116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522997839267568,0.11993978334019395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143752200706693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29495219769766795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638694280634172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722600338598147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912576529499318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418336702354958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102006050858357,0.10903209212312126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845705455619604 bpd,itsmetoris,2020/01/07,"BPD is scary i have no idea whats going on. everythings fine. in a literal sense im in the best place right now i moved out of my abusive mothers house and into my dads house with my older sister and my younger sister is supposed to move in soon within the next couple of months. my dad is amazing, so are my friends and girlfriend i stopped cutting myself and also stopped having suicidal thoughts for the most part (not a serious problem anymore). everything is finally settling and im losing my gd mind. memory is shit and all i do is repress, depersonalize and dissociate all the time. i keep cutting my hair and i dying it and i look like a different person. im so stressed out but not??????? i dont know listing everything out it makes sense and it shouldnt be alarming or news to me that im crazy but this is some other shit.",2.34213855421687,4.548026873493981,3.952635542168675,85.20317018072292,78.4578313253012,6.800602409638555,27.84487951807229,7.865858978985527,1.8863265060240968,655,29,128,11,16,218,104,166,0.2,0.731,0.069,-0.9553,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,2,5,15,4,3,7,0,14,3,3,1,2,36,20,16,2,2,5,5,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,7,15,0,4,3,0,0,3,5,10,0,0,1,2,18,5,15,17,6,23,0,1,1,0,8,11,2,3,10,88,25,0,0.0,0.1402795737575912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468101840256073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741674518976758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242490088142863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911527083370288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310026176448969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287607013974948,0.12369833324263015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875890778114752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192193299356048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296967294567033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147224334051353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728701887361625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732255407690969,0.0,0.133654362199966,0.5115507986677484,0.0,0.0,0.10523556021854552,0.0,0.0,0.06506719407231673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784217077194269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942259016471224,0.13245453167488638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903006570794363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119545931290458,0.0,0.09450233802935176,0.2516718370737789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591519656842012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282110324539894,0.0,0.0,0.10337858021963547,0.12369833324263015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132887190077502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110930213489576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430630203715381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19796825480025515,0.1356219028200676,0.0,0.0,0.12950570660297395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939929806152029,0.06903749928432576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,harmonic-dissonance,2020/01/07,Am I a bad person? Constantly switching between being bitter to those around me for their lack of support to fully believing that I deserve it for being such an awful human. Not sure what's true anymore except that I'm in pain and alone.,5.79340579710145,6.683754717391306,6.5508695652173925,75.40644927536233,67.04347826086956,7.872463768115942,30.55072463768116,7.793537801064563,2.3000376811594205,191,7,31,2,3,63,40,46,0.379,0.573,0.048,-0.9476,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,6,1,0,2,1,3,1,0,0,2,7,5,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,3,9,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266412249181801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127747605557736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28075734954130743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633312698352808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553281529835329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408165131254114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335589287321702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753798925573532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35789239948246643,0.2972443369178808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Koppa578,2020/01/07,"What to do after a break up when you have bpd You miss him, it’s killing you but you have to make the decision today that’s it’s time to start moving on. It seems impossible but one step at a time. Stop calling him! Don’t text him don’t text his friends or his mom. Don’t try get him to notice you , don’t send him gifts or give him back things you know he doesn’t want. Delete all contact on social media, you need to stop checking. Of course he’s going to look happy without you, people only post the good positive stuff. Tell yourself. ‘’I am done hurting over you. It’s time for me to move on’’ You’ve cried enough, turn off the sobby rom coms, stop listening to heart break music, move his stuff or things he gave you out of sight and leave them there. Don’t go deleting pictures and texts, youre not ready for that yet, and seeing them will only make missing him worse Stop blaming yourself, stop thinking of everything you did wrong and what you would change if you were given the chance. stop letting your bpd completely define you as a person and blaming it for the collapse of your relationship. You are more than your anxiety and insecurities It’s okay to split just don’t act on it! If you’re angry don’t tell him everything you hate about him because when you split again you will regret everything you said, text again, and it’s a vicious cycle. Relationships fall apart and that’s a natural part of life. Stop focusing on the negatives and see all the opportunities you now have. Keep busy, boredom is your enemy! Do you hair, your make up, have a spa night, feel physically confident again Reconnect with old friends, at your own pace go out and make new ones, just socialise! Get out there and enjoy yourself, it is so important to just interact with other people! Attention from others will help you feel validated and replace the attention you miss from him. Focus on you! Find a new therapist or do extra work with your current one, do dbt workbooks at home, practise mindfulness. Improve yourself! Take up a hobby , join a Dance class, paint a picture and be proud of it. Break ups are hard but you have to think outside of your bpd. Stop thinking of yourself as this vulnerable broken person, who’s fear of abandonment has come true! Look at others and how do they overcome a relationship? You might wonder how you lived life before them, it’s time to build a new one. You know somebody else will come along, you tell yourself, there’ll be nobody like him, but you told yourself that last time and the time before that. I can’t underestimate the importance of medication at this time. Talk to your doctor, get something for emergency anxiety attacks or something to help sleep at night- only if you need it. Take care of yourself. Buy yourself an ice cream or a new pair of shoes, eat well, change your bed sheets, you can and will get through this. Time heals everything. Really believe in yourself. Know that these are just emotions that you can change if you really want to! Anybody who feels they need to vent, or needs advice or just a friend, please dm Me ! I completely understand the worst of bpd, I got through things I thought I never could so I know that you can too!",4.4314705882352925,6.205067392156862,4.556683006535948,85.1025735294118,71.15686274509805,7.714379084967319,26.802287581699343,8.344100000000001,1.7206071895424837,2532,86,491,40,48,787,284,612,0.18,0.6920000000000001,0.128,-0.9889,1,0,2,0,0,0,74.0,0,46,5,3,22,27,4,2,26,1,43,10,4,6,4,97,97,40,1,13,23,1,5,1,3,7,5,2,2,2,36,25,1,10,18,2,2,13,13,14,1,4,9,13,73,13,68,77,8,76,0,6,6,0,95,22,0,15,38,314,109,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05497021698747345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606746538891206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639964165453622,0.0,0.04325542813536963,0.0,0.034291578936017565,0.0,0.09573507962881077,0.06337837085665983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833969871077343,0.0,0.0574410585148856,0.0,0.057354137928255625,0.0,0.17852606276019795,0.09691472649099817,0.11796133703607604,0.0,0.0,0.04491379974418279,0.0,0.06179176965746224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05757778628169266,0.0,0.0575668066752577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05756131958409594,0.04699253636924953,0.06327755594442018,0.0,0.0581248478561267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20222788232778188,0.0,0.0,0.06330076684043598,0.08533029851924673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05141463109668617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303838199556217,0.0,0.1175604163413825,0.053963431870773765,0.095910390231814,0.0471827221010204,0.04499102011488963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598828399592119,0.05039203887160863,0.055538632353593416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666606050985289,0.07541099899981958,0.0,0.056426793588965976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060220478071819274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05000064804863314,0.062236104047293725,0.0,0.1236616924380158,0.045854067045586484,0.0,0.0595642776177106,0.0,0.05752296046005372,0.07946694592435141,0.027482592548855562,0.0,0.04967282397939103,0.0,0.09447745474220802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019844974519792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05666942931034756,0.0,0.0596760172089842,0.05679994503461468,0.06588335680393656,0.0,0.17936553371045785,0.0,0.1668448715457047,0.04338612595095708,0.21731971714521905,0.0,0.1055800978861808,0.0,0.0,0.06404492182608865,0.059028529383011626,0.0,0.1524751651306623,0.12834984310347838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609170008348002,0.0,0.07799811383838516,0.09823667958995584,0.0,0.0617493917995285,0.0,0.0,0.05387525197634404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207479671756466,0.0,0.0,0.18118544822651667,0.0,0.0,0.053509909648522806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965342760114639,0.05121102507425501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056294072189805006,0.05734330466899095,0.0,0.08661330301089484,0.0,0.0,0.03981647905495199,0.0,0.0,0.3762432019181773,0.0,0.0,0.12879347572923558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459118206598908,0.04521438955321271,0.14750397545966565,0.0,0.0,0.06531458726380134,0.11211687102451466,0.108134811544986,0.0,0.04465895304802618,0.2624146968347687,0.0,0.05332168985612728,0.05375257893716488,0.0,0.03819239768408099,0.06118759634243361,0.0,0.0585618218193201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635948059006798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05057860428179777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054226315136045374,0.061004463251714665,0.04095317911715985,0.0,0.057327067975652624,0.03996083449104047,0.061504313068707,0.0,0.0 bpd,Destiny866,2020/01/07,"Dating a girl with BDP and Anorexia. I need a bit of advice, please Ok guys so the long and short of it is, met a girl, been on a few really nice dates, she has aforementioned disorders. She told me about her struggles in and out of hospital, i said I'm ready to accept it as part of her. And i am, genuinely Now, this is where i need some advice She was meant to meet me on Sunday for another date, i drive 45 minutes to where she's from as its still early days. Anyway she ghosts me totally, doesnt even read my messages. I get annoyed because once again our date has been cancelled on the day, but this time i get no contact whatsoever. But, she is online during the day. So I'm pissed, i text basically saying she made a dick of me and good luck with her recovery.... She text today, saying she didnt intentionally ignore me, that she's not in the place she wants to be, that she cant give me what i deserve, that there's no other guy and that she's not ok.... Look I'm ignorant to BPD, i did my research but i dont have it nor had any experience with it before. I dont know wether to reply or not. Does this sound like a genuine pleade for help? Or does it sound like someone lying for some reason? I'm really confused and she's awesome, it's weighing heavily on my mind. Thanks for any and all advice guys",2.033573817486861,3.5890171575091583,3.821548017200193,88.80497372193028,77.05860805860806,6.9456282847587225,22.12597547380156,7.7425588080867325,0.8199576047141264,1016,28,224,15,23,342,148,273,0.111,0.753,0.136,0.7442,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,1,0,0,0,11,15,2,2,10,2,18,3,2,3,2,38,36,18,1,3,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,5,16,12,1,2,4,1,0,1,11,6,0,0,11,6,39,9,29,24,7,27,0,0,1,1,33,11,2,6,17,147,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586696991615733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664009984425589,0.12829202720236585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458190377017873,0.0,0.10410871586911497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335717882904028,0.0,0.15409240021190368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367120584913437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022084100481574,0.0,0.21413425311352952,0.0,0.28678073052121705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080937350230279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967933703408548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784304384342512,0.11736687571033293,0.0,0.10261928288339303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634297977058365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200695396837218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723898936440044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954562236158248,0.0,0.0,0.10827369232454913,0.1027410906214325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576816795213347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353610321143894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18143825015155032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029610037713282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249042578955098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782710291842664,0.134300820783213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238061448218772,0.0,0.15675788983278813,0.12579361261216435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638049503650424,0.19459129410110407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366464438564488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770687594270383,0.0,0.0,0.1279041772500985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264114516749354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134181435523983,0.0,0.115971129504801,0.11690828460161146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216372866414103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Imge566,2020/01/07,"Yoga/Reiki, Heart Chakra, Crying Has anyone here with BPD ever done yoga and then started weeping? I have found that this happens when I am doing ""heart openers"" or doing a pose that affects my ""heart chakra."" I am VERY new to all this, but usually when this happens I cry uncontrollably and then have a severe headache and then chicken out of going back to yoga the next day because of those intense emotions. Things I struggle with that I wonder might be linked: unconditional love for others and for myself, forgiveness, boundaries, being touched physically, high blood pressure, feeling attacked constantly or like ""people are out to get me,"" JEALOUSY is a big one. I also struggle with letting go and do not often feel worthy of love in some situations. I also have horrible posture, so it looks like I'm always guarding my chest. Does anyone know what this means? What I should do? Should I look into Reiki? I feel there is a HUGE link between my bipolar and borderline behaviors and that part of my body: which I'm assuming is a blocked heart chakra? Does anyone find any relief for their BPD symptoms when they address this issue? I am very new to this chakra topic, so any help would be so appreciated. Thank you kindly.",7.092142857142857,7.9693417857142865,6.875000000000004,74.27,64.17857142857143,8.542857142857143,33.410714285714285,8.418075326091056,2.773860714285714,976,39,159,12,14,308,138,224,0.155,0.657,0.188,0.9161,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,2,0,13,14,1,4,6,0,24,11,7,1,2,41,44,21,0,3,4,0,4,2,0,4,2,0,1,0,17,14,0,2,12,2,0,2,1,6,0,1,2,6,21,8,19,34,3,25,0,1,2,2,7,8,0,7,17,118,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974393472162224,0.08310604636674121,0.0,0.0,0.1358401932491511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950992344268388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362502765550295,0.0,0.07679960040650398,0.0,0.06088437158343093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094134046984327,0.2515843248408893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793205036334384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21942139623505005,0.06441269798223456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748068737354697,0.10220931660882464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234869750966438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903448791734258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515031317765928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128618750266283,0.0,0.0,0.10951047788065288,0.0,0.0,0.052181849699794114,0.0,0.11352532251880396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17664261314380753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4734210761619162,0.0669457550080948,0.10552601840378148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424611754304966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040070033181127,0.0548900390900642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213146807160836,0.0,0.09759016229276468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16774382047306802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802866112812765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087958322275374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595419980952817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19292454330789469,0.10622081004433903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767955062948139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815755440991302,0.0,0.06924245387772299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283309895155927,0.0,0.0,0.11226644789114616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069377908928462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20882721038509494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381092162539474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195374469246308,0.0,0.0,0.06635414532301209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000090979569146,0.16481872631103042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831284309758007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709500807902736,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,whatbakingcando,2020/01/07,"I feel like I try so hard for nothing I just haven't felt listened to lately. Mostly by my significant other. If I say I'm struggling with urges to hurt myself, it's met with a threat to break up with me when it used to be met with compassion. When I say I'm upset, I get told it's stupid to be upset when I used to be grounded. When I lash out, I get called things (like stupid or childish or spoiled) when I used to be soothed. And maybe I just don't deserve it anymore because I've reached my quota for care from the people around me. If the person who used to care about me most is tired of me, I don't get who would want to stay with me ever and it all feels so hopeless. I got help and was in treatment for awhile, but I can't afford it anymore, but I still try to work on myself as much as possible because there honestly is so much online that can be used to my benefit. It's not the same, but it's better than letting BPD swallow me whole. But I try to be so self-aware and communicate and even though I'm not perfect, I really try. People have told me they notice I'm doing better, and I think I am, too, but it's not always great. Obviously. I just am tired of being called crazy by someone who used to have more compassion for me than anyone. It's like all the work I've put into myself means nothing because at the end of the day, I'm still going to be labelled as crazy no matter how far and few my uglier moments are than they used to be. Because I guess that's still me and all this trying can't take it away. I also hope this doesn't bring anyone down or exacerbate feelings of anyone else feeling hopeless, because I know reading about the hopelessness of others can be a little bit emotionally taxing, but I feel so alone and disregarded and I don't know how to see another side of things, even if I know my sig. other is wrong for calling me names.",6.476197636949514,4.72456218367347,7.116009667024707,80.79139634801291,66.1938775510204,9.681203007518796,31.600966702470465,8.032893268588372,2.044038775510204,1464,43,317,14,19,487,178,392,0.16899999999999998,0.7240000000000001,0.107,-0.9826,1,1,0,0,0,5,35.0,0,0,2,5,28,23,3,3,9,0,31,3,0,9,6,72,72,39,0,6,18,0,7,3,0,1,2,3,0,1,23,18,1,1,11,1,1,3,11,11,0,0,7,11,46,12,52,53,12,31,0,4,1,0,18,13,0,10,16,223,69,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965484125994284,0.0,0.06150434026601556,0.06399469955226368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064610800021348,0.0,0.0,0.15254672099902544,0.16133031458103353,0.07880266765014411,0.0,0.06846558365643213,0.0,0.0,0.07225882003925234,0.0,0.0,0.2344159803798175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360400536277424,0.08396503741622087,0.0,0.09686457233931786,0.0,0.2355989860533112,0.0,0.1568283163207732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049600136631856924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424785224433979,0.08651261197640646,0.06811881284354218,0.0,0.0,0.10159573599404656,0.06956886594358222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19443826739322412,0.05494402003991181,0.073844990000463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054580645853367,0.0,0.04370932816431111,0.0,0.0615113938509404,0.08479277592530131,0.08472426594183305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889562721778755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155068331775425,0.0,0.0,0.07638828948337012,0.0,0.0,0.08233299745390052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680202152125578,0.0,0.0867570415218429,0.0,0.0,0.07864497109189666,0.0,0.11272199896784148,0.07708332445407685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726573022102683,0.08377677558159058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307437114401807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759309723253855,0.08756174900096265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663845113295367,0.0671542351499895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670368110312884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731509005037829,0.0,0.0,0.07693011380274609,0.0,0.04927006763015538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232272622230063,0.0,0.0,0.06128675545896116,0.0,0.08023317429423119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516500120261774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197508181503943,0.1842596015076479,0.0,0.0,0.08040230026078869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05782622291170988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219024438377718,0.0492803746536934,0.07556299779533261,0.0,0.0,0.17679185549181,0.0,0.1469802660648484,0.0,0.2610818347814887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4649745982830354,0.0,0.0,0.04536309841270554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586648803688525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119817743047815,0.0,0.0,0.05463416083284476,0.08408824727778809,0.0,0.0 bpd,Somekindofredditguy,2020/01/07,"Bell Let's Talk Sucks (Canada Rant) It's that time of year again in Canada. The notorious 'Let's Talk' day is fast approaching. Supposedly Bell has raised over 100 million since it began but here's why I HATE it: &#x200B; 1. Campaign is effecively a viral advertisement for Bell. 2. I've never once actually seen use of that donation money or where it goes. I've never thought to myself ''Thank God for Bell's Let's Talk"" while I was sitting in the emergency room hallway for three days in crisis, multiple times, waiting for a psych floor spot to open. Have you ever been to the Bell Treatment Centre? How about The Bell Mental Health Wing of your local hospital? The Bell Mental Health Crisis House? Did you get a grant from Bell to attend therapy? Did Bell ever cover the cost of your meds? I'm sure the money does go somewhere, but if they're going to shamelessly stick their name all over the campaign, they should shamelessly stick their name all over their donations so I know excactly that the money is being put to good use. FFS they should use most of it for mental health inpatient beds, crisis house spots, hire some mental health professionals, etc... actual boots on the ground treatment access. Apparently there's a mental health entreprenurial grant program though that Bell started (Fuck off Bell. We need better treatment not a business loan). 3. The whistleblower story a few years ago about how working at Bell is a toxic environment. 4. Overemphasis on stories of Anxiety and Depression. Yes they're the most common mental health diagnoses and they're serious, but if you really want to reduce stigma, have people share their stories of the most stigmatized diagnoses. We all know there's much more stigma for example surrounding Schizophrenia and Dissociative Identity Disorder than Anxiety and Depression. End Rant. Fuck Bell.",5.461422764227642,8.239193841463418,5.402658536585367,75.80169105691058,70.95121951219512,8.885528455284556,27.396747967479683,9.473421319101043,2.9083582113821147,1492,54,237,37,30,465,185,328,0.188,0.737,0.075,-0.9934,2,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,2,5,6,2,13,12,4,0,20,1,17,10,0,5,8,41,38,15,0,6,7,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,2,0,9,7,0,1,3,0,7,5,3,7,0,2,7,1,17,5,34,25,11,41,0,2,1,2,19,17,3,7,18,135,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.15496480767392387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038281641809821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602926440176795,0.09647901516279114,0.0,0.0,0.12148071466904325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022235589103576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024121456563721,0.0,0.1367732495449133,0.16117752863061444,0.0,0.0,0.09099864166976517,0.0,0.06948298850821913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032434038086254,0.0,0.08855136835566976,0.0,0.14364268560475602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680701310567146,0.04148293239904465,0.0,0.09024906757274008,0.06659648654648588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839051283279644,0.0,0.5063873765226413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18323259600625136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727171589561476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435739329021772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819488296115464,0.0,0.4800957876236253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05836772715746005,0.05887368165964394,0.12247549206723565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455781654297204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055045577147582084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981837149405482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05086531696565883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656800405684006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05619933513022557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074833036316617,0.0,0.0,0.1914547964702728,0.0,0.07310034038389993,0.09080018394469244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800955059746184,0.06303428953241126,0.09259690862017317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20572687980096124,0.0,0.0,0.04683184924013399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164564841692417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780374087515351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647901516279114,0.10226127744654542 bpd,Frosty_Newspaper,2020/01/07,"I’m a bad person and i have no mercy, fuck people and fuck their lives. I’m notorious lier and manipulator, nobody would ever thought i’m lying, I only lie in situation they can’t prove, i have the memory that im aware of everything i may have ever said. Nothing can ever get me, I can make entire story with details within seconds. &#x200B; Fuck all, fuck my life. Nobody would ever thought in person hiding all of this, im nice to certain people but sooner or later, i’ll use the power against them. Im aware of all my actions.",2.9582762201453785,4.7353833738317785,5.368161993769473,77.75095534787124,75.07476635514018,6.6247144340602295,24.038421599169265,7.3871296695380915,1.3007661474558678,419,13,75,5,9,148,68,107,0.177,0.773,0.05,-0.8859999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,3,1,4,7,4,0,3,0,9,5,0,3,9,23,22,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,3,1,11,2,9,16,3,9,0,0,0,4,6,3,4,2,5,48,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127373445814964,0.1584338871623764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886729372311887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4717682701135533,0.0,0.0,0.11718299225338058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4821609281517582,0.0681215725490682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4225194317072479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920958514865859,0.0,0.0,0.1151336814801004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703401118760233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510937762476124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916482005014653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807871845265549,0.2276969511994175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402743391553606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14655990576878827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20702465708812884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261208531774675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18524567847720214,0.0,0.1584338871623764,0.0 bpd,bunny-sneezes,2020/01/07,Marsha Linehan's memoir is finally coming out today! I've been waiting for it for years and I'm really excited :),1.718939393939397,4.4857687727272735,5.506363636363638,68.64621212121216,88.54545454545455,8.387878787878789,25.51515151515152,8.841846274778883,3.415678787878788,91,4,13,3,3,34,20,22,0.0,0.742,0.258,0.7402,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4499216740557149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5721623501417972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346035671823733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4950864503709199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33634891375337056 bpd,OvercookedPatience,2020/01/07,"I'm keep losing everyone and everything around me and I can't do anything about it I've lost a lot of people in my entire life because I pushed them away or because or arguments. I am left with 3 people, from which 1 is slowly fading away, one is the parent that cared enough to stay and the 3rd is my partner with whom I've been having weekly arguments with. It's always the same topic about the future. I already made my mind up about that topic and while he hasn't, he isn't happy that I made my mind up and he basically ""feels like I made his decision for him."" I told him multiple times I will understand if he leaves me over this, but he says he loves me way too much to leave me. And yet the topic always comes up and we argue. Yesterday we had another argument and I genuiely feel like he is looking for reasons to leave me. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster and CONSTANT anxiety that he will break up with me, I can't deal with it anymore, I have even thought about breaking up myself to make it easy for him and so I don't feel like I'm sitting on some ""bench"" for him to decide. I want to throw up and cry and get ridiculously drunk I can't handle this at all. I don't want to lose him, just the thought of losing him makes me want to break down as I write this. I tried to SH by using a bobble on my wrist but it didnt calm me down one bit and my partner said he will definitely leave me if I do self-harm again because he can't deal with that..which I get, I don't think I could deal with my partner self-harm but it hurts because I feel like I have to put in all of my energy not to give into this urge of intense scratching. I really wish I was normal and bearable but instead I'm a mess and people can only ""deal with me"" or leave because I feel like changing for others is impossible for me.",4.738991477272727,4.2779146510416695,5.782897727272728,84.69051136363639,69.15625,8.960984848484847,28.13162878787879,8.438071523408619,1.694702083333333,1422,41,316,19,22,474,177,384,0.114,0.763,0.12300000000000001,0.693,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,2,0,1,4,13,17,2,0,10,0,31,4,1,7,2,72,64,27,0,8,11,1,6,5,3,3,1,2,0,3,17,28,1,1,12,1,0,4,11,8,0,2,13,9,57,9,55,47,8,39,0,5,1,1,36,20,0,7,14,212,74,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848232753354073,0.0,0.12791693647831018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060044930644059,0.058802094475183274,0.0,0.07623017748552192,0.0,0.0,0.06325396944267757,0.06842682110240852,0.0,0.0,0.1444358198042627,0.0,0.0,0.23428326315726286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391749967353147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783697631099163,0.0,0.0813137799226982,0.06621304435316143,0.0,0.08306457733156514,0.0,0.06137105313518707,0.0,0.08443342581934457,0.0,0.31698088531408714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646363189595778,0.0,0.07942287552090348,0.0,0.05076910821733018,0.0,0.0,0.07344852577371498,0.06908198695303061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19432818399888832,0.2745645643499154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080318372070225,0.07373663915236309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818250286984167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228638370884364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832181747401353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4069486958859468,0.08351487096751252,0.0,0.054292558062247566,0.18776363358423745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454787757978836,0.2579793650902067,0.08390805488790128,0.06534851870165305,0.06937434762985567,0.21819671625284046,0.1026169806678309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522500722048266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05650517641364016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531212268917882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417245383744543,0.058459872658749426,0.0,0.0,0.08535032780404485,0.0,0.0,0.1598671148761988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727131724958021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049242172831684895,0.07903080119256083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311693793451286,0.06112673592307799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037549877496568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192867070791457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04925247401978655,0.0,0.12204565171875588,0.04482104162481395,0.0,0.0,0.07344852577371498,0.0,0.052186804077593366,0.0,0.0,0.08001996488912842,0.0,0.0663873353895324,0.0,0.0,0.1360122467653369,0.06101246088973155,0.061657074592372685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839182825317868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,FluidMosaicModel,2020/01/07,"I havent spoken/seen my FP in months (ex bestfriend) but I noticed they posted something on their snapchat story I didnt open it, but I saw a picture of their face. I sudden cold rush went through my body and my stomach sank. I felt nauseous and started crying. This was a few minutes ago. I miss them so much but I hate them. I want them to fucking die but I love them and want to take care of them. I ruined our friendship, we were best friends and I loved her so much. My stupid mental issues made me insecure and anxious and all i did was accuse her and cling to her out of fear of abandonment. I think about her everyday despite not seeing her in forever, she has been engraved in my head. She doesnt even think of me, we used to be so close. She used to worry about my suicidal behaviour but she grew numb to everything I did. I cant control myself. I ruined it. I have so much difficulty accepting that but I kind of do. Why am I like this? I left her on an ultimatum. ""Im going to stop messaging you, if you want to stay friends you need to initiate our conversations"". Months have gone by and nothing. Few weeks go by and whatever, we arent friends. It hurts but I kept going. BUT NOW, I see that she posts on her story and all these emotions and adrenaline come flooding in. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? I CANT DO MUCH TO EXPRESS MYSELF, ITS 2AM I CANT RUN OR DO JACK SHIT. PLEASE I need someone to give advice, tips anything. Im desperate. Im in pain. I dont know what to do",0.17990395055541694,2.504357016286651,2.085863192182412,94.12851582727806,89.58631921824104,5.2334085024638775,21.226843731729726,6.788186056548923,0.4869621481667088,1152,41,253,16,39,380,167,307,0.243,0.608,0.149,-0.9909,1,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,5,3,8,2,8,25,5,2,4,0,24,11,5,4,2,49,56,25,2,6,11,1,1,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,11,19,0,4,5,0,0,9,9,15,0,0,13,5,66,10,33,42,9,33,0,5,3,4,38,12,3,2,10,175,77,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998897643598712,0.0906132806183227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154813116722439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411966687791247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727526252987617,0.0,0.0,0.11354515328551515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104221733816742,0.0,0.0,0.08805485700004806,0.0,0.0,0.1146502163737211,0.0,0.0,0.11228562754027137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608988199321127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980295378316078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498554124312575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751640266308834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187018270876192,0.0,0.0,0.11502771919076105,0.0,0.0,0.09814876639734472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369284635473573,0.18900444387248685,0.0,0.09806027316300957,0.17428467277293774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092266690404694,0.10490885243591244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943033689686184,0.0,0.3312506076394999,0.10669279229651014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644806601856696,0.056178317982586594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106406739430733,0.0,0.0,0.049940310301651435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18451796982589266,0.09672454944600636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301532992842806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318461158814745,0.0,0.3005785507959661,0.15159204217031996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980843820416672,0.11637996901326053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877098945872636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220862012652874,0.0,0.0,0.19580007209984426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291476089996235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492900333971636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661202987878144,0.07869518170321183,0.0,0.0,0.07235297454520208,0.10895462448321926,0.0,0.08546183470172247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181383906020942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685792149428973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099894738501974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765732834503144,0.0,0.0,0.18087884428478407,0.0,0.08199600153279238,0.0,0.0,0.09476044722731072,0.09223909436245686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038109966591515,0.0,0.0,0.11176327248169493,0.0,0.0 bpd,weweredonebefore,2020/01/07,DAE seem to lose it when things constantly change ? At work they keep constantly changing my role and work area without giving me adequate training and expecting me to get on with it?? And I just keep crying because this shit stresses me out way too much I darent ask for help Cos I don’t speak to anyone sat near me I just don’t know how to regulate my emotions with this,3.4715999999999987,5.116423560000001,4.074333333333332,88.11550000000004,73.4,7.666666666666668,27.166666666666664,8.344100000000001,1.747666666666667,297,11,61,5,6,94,54,75,0.237,0.763,0.0,-0.9509,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,3,5,3,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,16,10,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,11,0,12,9,1,9,0,1,0,0,6,5,1,1,3,39,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317732821119074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805875884909295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610549711527507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029727396237299,0.0,0.0,0.4116492964022729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092165002695969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21424712180429445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099509930746135,0.18271107011703264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766445580079772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385875061982001,0.0,0.0,0.10467440345500982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130812506310337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400134501432188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339188536996875,0.0,0.0,0.1955092502612489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21817663994156666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653626584336974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511819923959634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18360114847284695,0.0,0.27732110141213306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Gp202743,2020/01/07,Being okay with single life I think I would be better off single. I see myself having children but with no actual male. It’s like I want a life but can’t even handle the idea of being abandoned or cheated on. I just want a life where I’m not constantly paranoid about being cheated on and actually give all on you a relationship.,5.588636363636365,5.8363428636363635,6.935909090909089,74.72386363636366,67.33333333333333,9.024242424242424,28.62121212121212,8.841846274778883,2.2504666666666666,263,8,48,4,4,90,48,66,0.217,0.622,0.161,-0.8418,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,4,6,2,0,4,1,7,3,0,0,1,15,13,4,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,7,3,8,8,3,6,0,1,1,0,5,5,0,1,2,39,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.4704180237316615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21317008923440292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604661424051256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919702712664352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23121646519997854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720917975111252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5107365960582371,0.11775433258015545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587743677047217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19206847956445616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444130728114244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843296655276662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712197052178935,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Necessary-Archer,2020/01/07,"Do you hate when someone can see into your phone/computer screen? For example, we in the office, can look back and see into each other monitor which seems to me absurd, i see it as a violation of some sort of privacy and I just can’t stand it, therefore I sit on the very corner where nobody can see into my monitor. The same also goes for music, I can never listen it loud, only through headphones or movies, I don’t like others to see what movies i am watching, anyone else?",4.979614035087722,5.416677505263163,6.359736842105267,77.66732456140353,68.68421052631578,8.85964912280702,27.41228070175439,8.841846274778883,2.086754385964912,373,11,70,6,6,127,69,95,0.079,0.894,0.027000000000000003,-0.6966,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,2,0,0,5,3,2,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,1,15,17,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,7,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,10,11,1,13,17,3,12,0,0,8,0,4,7,0,4,4,55,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103286074650394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080026422933226,0.2063239594355992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483854681806236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821602181206485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19880790681300095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983775881200474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690972951830631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530639699803336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314843359677274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8023158621604777,0.18331666210181735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706173339770826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661485993112188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,oceansidedrive,2020/01/07,I've completely lost my whole sense of self and I have no idea how to get it back I'm experiencing the longest depression I've ever had. Going on 7 years now. I've been depressed so long that I don't even know who I am anymore. I have such an unhealthy hatred for myself that even when Im motivated to try to like myself I don't even know who that is anymore. I feel like I have no identity and I know thats common with BPD but I feel as though its often talked about like you act different depending on who your with and thats not what I mean. I think I used to have a pretty good idea of who I was but now I dont know how to be anything anymore. My head is so jumbled with noise I can't even try to think through it logically. I couldn't describe myself if I had to anymore. I just don't know how to go about building a personality again. It seems so weird to have to think about... What am i like? Who am I? What kind of person am I? What kind of things do I say? Ive isolated myself from so many people for so long I actually get overwhelmed by any conversations because I just dont know who I am enough to know how to respond. It sounds over exaggerated and like im overthinking it but I really feel like this hollow body that just has nothing in it.,1.1966542750929392,2.9797582118959127,3.3892996282527896,89.92772639405207,80.26394052044608,6.534483271375464,21.912416356877323,7.554174236665415,0.7022504386617099,985,30,226,15,25,337,128,269,0.085,0.8029999999999999,0.113,0.8807,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,0,2,28,14,0,1,4,0,27,2,2,7,1,43,49,20,0,2,8,0,3,6,0,0,0,2,0,3,25,7,0,0,19,0,0,3,10,5,0,0,5,6,35,9,32,42,2,17,0,4,0,0,15,4,0,4,16,160,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.092172552835048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423131366571277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746881855070736,0.0,0.0,0.07772681311511467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262856603956408,0.0,0.05757770325521236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491604683075156,0.1189603113460877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990322270100762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627045489789754,0.0,0.0,0.09868333506865404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213965448260116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759525065494393,0.0,0.2495413977145283,0.0854381922386657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327490186401015,0.13495455712450466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869564156396696,0.0,0.10735969119731906,0.07922273794900392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693608011123003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21325199560281555,0.20405100677690274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19671663573986486,0.3633624869798876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768699384909137,0.0,0.0,0.16717595587850234,0.0,0.0,0.10310666284801323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576056879983096,0.0,0.1028870624839587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063024992156707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548185286877851,0.1649455219534064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609270943045004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605090431287332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511285728456457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598651029228839,0.09853513171866317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591778463796782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275041015946603,0.1815651038499129,0.09279964311913677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282548432407912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157710980824408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545345841491707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06082466812887403 bpd,Gnome_Warfare,2020/01/07,"DAE have an overwhelming desire for routine, yet feel trapped and bored once one is established? Pretty much the title. I really want a routine, but whenever I do manage to get one I feel stifled, trapped, and bored. I also get really restless at the thought of the routine continuing for any length of time. It's like I crave the stability of a routine, yet simultaneously despise the very nature of routines. Does anybody else feel this way?",5.126035714285713,7.628649675000003,5.977142857142862,72.56500000000003,71.0,8.571428571428571,33.92857142857143,9.23628265651192,3.5592321428571427,354,18,57,8,7,116,55,80,0.22899999999999998,0.677,0.094,-0.9209,0,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,2,8,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,10,4,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,2,1,3,5,1,8,9,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,35,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20638523261344088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550218686447605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22584617914410246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155914179879237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914766360033148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26967066279565977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608408814190467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897173458835684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748451123506184,0.3497612557041394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625585510292785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33066331009319955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20488545112411505,0.15048761187026347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21294173846431985,0.15222134856628647,0.20485065051545787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,whoframedrogerreddit,2020/01/07,"Explosive anger pushing people away I've been having anger issues a lot. They are highly emotional and physical for me. I be yelled a lot and after the high intensity of the outbursts I come down and feel so depressed. Today I used self harm to calm down. I did this in front of my boyfriend. I was triggered by an event tonight and some trauma has a part in why I was so angry. But I hit myself a lot to release the need to get violent and break shit. Full punches as hard as I can. I beat the shit out of myself in the car. In front of everyone. When I get this anger it takes over me and I have to let it out. Well after I came down bad and cried a lot. I tried to sleep before work. But i just felt so emotional and embarrassed. Like I couldn't calm down still. I feel miserable like a failure at life. Everything I fail at. So I hit myself more in bed next to my boyfriend. I explained the physical feeling that my anger takes hold. And how I have to let it out by being destructive. I tried self talk and breathing but I couldn't calm down. I get suicidal and have to fight those thoughts cause o don't want to die but sometimes it takes a hold of me and I find myself thinking it. It's weird. I get emotional and I can't cope just I'm just like fuck it I'm out. But I have to talk myself out of that. It's a constant battle. I was fighting those thoughts and I told my boyfriend that my last painting would be the Kurt Cobain. I shouldn't have said that I don't think. But at the time I felt like no matter how hard I try to I will always hate myself and my emotional outbursts. Eventually I will lose the battle to the thoughts. IDK and I opened up and cried and cried to my boyfriend that he was just going to hate me and my emotional outbursts and leave me. I'm really scared he will. I'm such a mess fuck I hate me. God dammit. Fuck. My dad's dying and I try to paint to let out my emotions and my roommate just fucks them off like they are nothing. It hurts. Idk I got pissed. I just don't want to be this way. I don't want to be angry. I don't want to not be able to get myself under control. Fuck I have so much against me and I'm fighting so hard I just feel like I'm losing that fight. Fuck It's accompanied by a desire to end it all. I get suicidal.",-0.2422670807453429,1.9493015072463784,1.621549689440993,97.7748090062112,89.82815734989649,4.876314699792961,18.401966873706005,6.42735559955562,-0.1812346169772248,1760,50,413,20,60,576,189,483,0.305,0.601,0.094,-0.9989,0,0,0,0,6,1,44.0,0,0,3,6,20,47,24,3,21,0,39,12,5,6,1,84,89,40,4,10,14,1,9,6,0,5,1,2,1,2,22,32,0,3,13,0,0,7,11,37,1,0,15,11,73,10,60,56,10,49,0,6,0,6,17,28,9,5,18,275,95,2,0.06442546724890233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053607149767662544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060529847237039726,0.0,0.053792574099268665,0.0,0.0,0.054821327468937885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368557139243535,0.0,0.06618270167633973,0.0,0.05549683541420124,0.0,0.06962104252951419,0.07225863972831716,0.0,0.0,0.21230505175811054,0.0,0.0,0.055489560537917634,0.0,0.13372692706970302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4348198753451463,0.057061841490745314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06156129484907087,0.05790145578520415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030180803897135,0.04602556667543285,0.12371710364272928,0.0,0.0588837098997477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35736183800076965,0.2019578854467079,0.0,0.03661447772302656,0.0,0.051526931537385405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17313769261084105,0.19082043258782724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613808670413471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896879516915712,0.0,0.0,0.06724344954597734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525153545604244,0.0,0.06821726751347569,0.0,0.19763821566286266,0.045505612805321116,0.18885017425058395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415123691044268,0.0,0.21908891351402315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0473601313172133,0.04777066763292969,0.0,0.0,0.06851721531019811,0.0,0.0,0.061817973389782115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976650281460949,0.0,0.04466450706755135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04127260402801866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06128337263725715,0.0,0.0645011318297837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441962602584584,0.0,0.13226363262431354,0.0,0.0,0.06447199455085817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371843446409636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0514502613667421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094200898767098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453198005685434,0.10356550036268412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825624760534911,0.0,0.15343987380331034,0.03756700804871838,0.0,0.061067809879800684,0.06156129484907087,0.0,0.1749626530530661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05564291842630471,0.0,0.0,0.15199923915880634,0.051137937143516235,0.0,0.0,0.05792623224433629,0.0,0.058133963451731586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04690250746081253,0.0,0.0,0.045766003476662515,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,apeironeyes,2020/01/07,"how to accept when you've burned bridges hello everyone. recently, i've been grappling with the fact that i've ruined several different friendships, by saying hurtful things and sometimes trying to apologize but failing bc i ended up just dumping my emotions on the other person. i don't know whether to try to apologize again, or if not, how to accept i've burnt bridges. my biggest anxiety is that i have a terrible reputation now and that everyone secretly hates me in my relatively small community :( it makes me want t disappear or do something dramatic like fake my own death and start over.",7.392063492063492,8.631945296296298,7.7993650793650815,66.62500000000001,63.62962962962962,11.726984126984124,40.42857142857143,11.491704259439757,5.363823809523808,484,27,75,15,7,159,80,108,0.281,0.609,0.109,-0.9796,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,2,0,3,0,5,0,0,3,1,20,10,11,1,2,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,1,1,9,3,11,9,1,13,0,3,0,0,6,6,0,3,7,50,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17626116505283865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24072687725754974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25917751108531073,0.20407272382077835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4403286257006444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22747977995752144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466560756033427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266259781384158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256550333961164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379884618183173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20118300820415164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22749968480824195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832293523868624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26029497806854524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17737900876701812,0.2278789842559296,0.0,0.16308366825525028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530725555009833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31286323962432866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590035803021874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ThatSweetChicken,2020/01/07,"I broke up with one of the best person i've ever met And I feel like total shit. When i'm in a relationship I'm constantly struggling and stressing about what i'm doing, what they're doing, what people do when they're in a relationship, what I should do, ect. And it doesn't feel spontaneous. It doesn't feel like what love was supposed to be. It's not supposed to be stressful. It's not supposed to be fearful. But here I was. My previous relationship didn't end so well, and I actually had to do with ""you'll never be fucking happy in your life. You're never satisfied."" And that is true. I never am. I met a wonderful guy then, he was nice , caring, actually listened to me about issues I had, was moving me forward, held me during my breakdowns, told me I was beautiful and one of the best thing that happened in his life. But I walked away, because I felt guilty. I can barely care for me right now in my depressive state, so caring about someone else? Not easy. Plus I kept splitting on him for no reason. So I had to walk away. I feel guilty I couldn't give him what I wanted to give someone I love. Because i'm tired. So, so tired",1.6008058470764652,3.7209224913793166,3.3990854572713656,88.65880809595205,80.55172413793103,6.103748125937033,22.58695652173913,7.255503002510835,0.8261080959520242,886,29,185,12,23,296,116,232,0.16899999999999998,0.66,0.17,0.5154,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,2,0,2,14,21,2,4,5,0,26,8,1,1,6,32,52,17,0,3,5,0,5,2,0,2,4,1,0,2,13,9,0,2,7,0,0,4,11,8,1,2,15,6,31,13,26,30,3,25,0,2,0,3,19,11,2,1,13,132,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.20481091651198755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19718754372054945,0.0,0.0,0.12793984555748636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22025429622349296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209773263422079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134019247884212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038392333748624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766318192367507,0.0,0.0929449261590577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949234556237372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180857018620614,0.21224151920400489,0.1499370782406559,0.100758026399752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970145394812098,0.0,0.2013343611905592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390624230767924,0.0927973306479844,0.11170966070445684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952919305530727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824322915338142,0.10253592150948793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18942333314388865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153369327237876,0.0,0.0,0.24280659096479645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422189476501448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275158324495301,0.09162880512348058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078949085244034,0.0,0.3379960763343109,0.0,0.08961744804200553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771851421750347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778291773476322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404148495282829,0.10970516878973836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971689847444744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412241973733526,0.0,0.1002738407054542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189582079181371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943528851850228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380201566840048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdthrowaway1010,2020/01/07,"Struggling to get help, can anyone recommend some sort of self help in the mean time? Just a bit about me for background: My mental health has been declining since I started university and started dating my first serious boyfriend for about over a year now and I’ve been seeing the doctor on and off recently to try and get help. However, I live in the UK and use the NHS where mental health services are pretty overwhelmed and underfunded so I’ve been struggling to see anyone who specialises in any type of mental health. My doctor initially told me I was just depressed and put me on antidepressants. This made me feel worse but all he did was switch my medication which again, did not help. After getting frustrated I tried to figure out myself what was wrong with me and I mentioned BPD to my GP. I’d read into it and pretty much ticked all the boxes for it, I also grew up with a BPD parent which traumatised me. He dismissed me pretty quickly, told me I didn’t have BPD without even asking me any questions and said it was far more difficult to treat than depression and sent me on my way with more antidepressants. Anyway, I don’t have much choice as I’m not able to change GP right now and have no clue how to get referred for any sort of help any time soon. At first I sort of dismissed all of this and said I didn’t need any help but I’m starting to get worse. It’s badly affected my relationship and I don’t want it to get much worse than this because I’ve lost all ability to cope. I’m not self-diagnosing here, I just have good reason to believe I have BPD and was wondering if there was any BPD related self help of any kind that someone could recommend as I’m struggling to get anywhere with the mental health system right now. In the meantime I’ll keep trying to get proper help but it’s starting to get exhausting and I don’t know if or when I’ll give up on it. TLDR: Can’t get proper help on the NHS at the moment, I need some recommendations for self help/coping mechanisms in the meantime.",5.802208333333333,6.016861337500004,6.1615,80.57283333333336,66.875,9.266666666666667,29.66666666666667,9.075114841892004,2.2558666666666665,1605,52,318,26,24,517,181,400,0.14,0.7240000000000001,0.136,-0.6214,2,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,3,20,16,1,4,13,0,26,8,0,5,4,61,64,28,0,6,13,1,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,3,15,22,0,1,8,1,0,3,11,13,0,2,20,5,33,3,56,43,12,47,0,4,2,0,26,22,0,10,20,200,48,5,0.058418885719509775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04671756180372988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780879189075208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816956864036601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054613772177846166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048777329417303984,0.03561161051011958,0.0,0.0,0.0658180791827779,0.0,0.0,0.06377829284695638,0.0,0.367882707568396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617994350234263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04664272665903373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063220133636393,0.059293939297418614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958840990811907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038585123056103086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029538343910900624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993821486994268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052145663785385,0.05604071836869893,0.0,0.04899898967626496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483861749183433,0.0,0.0,0.3915694768052683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05192538981316104,0.0,0.06083427973653114,0.03210549180559438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051584946373928485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377111469810609,0.0,0.0,0.0552773621773641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363529263174254,0.0,0.05885088138391861,0.2354899861468205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883380830094324,0.08663372707600668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486725918249725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829902623579358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058727115552612424,0.06544252179592427,0.0,0.05843469469964599,0.0,0.0,0.06006434417133316,0.0576816019411299,0.06272002060508876,0.0,0.09977881841818544,0.1111394762189499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310457679963606,0.0,0.24377455396404354,0.0,0.0,0.048324705951286316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04949813229369103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653967519704947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18321631036196692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812904411056095,0.0,0.0,0.11164349758267968,0.0,0.11898776606152732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05045516053593981,0.0,0.0,0.03445697237850469,0.046370192308841165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056313721150809036,0.06335278957998497,0.0,0.0,0.1786015062396407,0.0,0.06387188078396536,0.0,0.03761984706496013 bpd,klejss,2020/01/07,"DAE feel deeply desperate for validation? Like truly deeply.... I crave love and sex and validation so bad i can’t concentrate at work, because I daydream about all the things I should’ve done differently with a boy I liked or about sex. It hasn’t always been this bad, it’s actually the worst it’s ever been. I wanna be held and loved and told that everything will be okay and I feel like that’s the only thing in the whole world that matters and the only thing I want.. I crave it so bad that I’m almost shaking.. My ex boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me 5 months ago and my life have been a huge mess ever since and I’ve been abusing pills and alcohol, but I think what I’m really addicted to is validation / sex / love. I feel so desperate and lonely and I’m scared I’m gonna give into my impulses and have one night stands, because I know I’ll feel even worse afterwards. I feel like my soul is desperately screaming to be held... does anyone have any good advice? I’m sitting in the bathroom at work right now.. with tears in my eyes, writing this..",2.4473266109198235,4.349841602803739,3.8007624200688666,87.87392277422529,76.89719626168224,7.309001475651747,22.94540088539105,8.20500826718156,1.1750691588785052,829,25,177,15,19,272,120,214,0.187,0.684,0.129,-0.9363,1,2,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,2,9,19,0,2,8,1,16,11,1,0,3,35,37,17,0,2,2,1,5,4,0,2,4,1,0,1,14,16,1,2,7,0,0,1,2,10,0,1,8,7,19,9,17,24,3,21,1,2,1,6,8,10,0,2,12,99,33,2,0.0,0.14828492635523485,0.12213052210606655,0.13643440280426086,0.0,0.1222973097495136,0.11093989978066754,0.13374967160856355,0.12532187917035306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413668028802713,0.0,0.0,0.0851078073924103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750934847122896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134906508809416,0.15258327438997402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075744204103065,0.0,0.0,0.10952155900912426,0.12807418222232386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266186693476392,0.2264147125138327,0.0,0.0,0.11247875358880614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164036370035567,0.17881755484959874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120057422079136,0.0,0.10497175190210084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878039206070183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839872055419495,0.24457222968088155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388643189033401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989531518890583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744688889906173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480638935508554,0.1903678195037208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017572262185067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687931977046562,0.0,0.0,0.12529921424074542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352721714010417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494367396613318,0.08019249493615811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195883181180031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381802726365212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397279942669334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822246265776951,0.0,0.1275408134344359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059393221756309 bpd,PopPunkJess,2020/01/07,"Therapy Homework this week is to figure out who I am.... HOW THE FUCK DO I DO THAT????? My therapist is amazing and she can work me out so so quickly. I tried to kill myself over Christmas and she’s like, ‘thank god it failed but you need to have a plan about the future cause you always avoid it because you are certain you are gonna die’ so now I have to figure out who I am or have an idea of who I want to be in the next decade. I have no stable sense of identity so I’m like struggling.",-0.3950314465408802,1.5955819811320815,1.7700943396226414,98.10501572327044,87.67924528301887,4.665408805031447,18.26729559748428,5.985473137389443,-0.403255345911949,374,10,90,3,12,125,70,106,0.157,0.706,0.136,-0.6621,0,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,4,0,3,8,10,2,2,5,0,14,1,0,2,1,16,20,9,2,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,16,5,13,18,0,10,0,1,0,1,9,5,1,1,7,67,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20957340384880224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353569988911564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587366447635169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26139803565105874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23284685320297704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28432702718708097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786533630050102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24609885066120374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18675608502510047,0.0,0.0,0.2678632625878107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633059278474398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318851649710464,0.28803170440576625,0.2924368366713961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100106471649726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148557599457354,0.0,0.20203240242349094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18336207353325448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,caledon13,2020/01/07,"Can't stop over sharing :'( I keep telling everyone deeply personal stuff about myself that I never wanted to share like my mental health issues, my involvement with drugs, non-conventional sexual stuff I have done, everything. Nothing is off limits, I can't control it, even when I can see I am making people uncomfortable. Then I hate myself for days afterwards I can't handle this anymore. It's making me suicidal.",7.292297297297296,8.818299851351352,7.5630810810810845,67.1994864864865,64.0,10.784864864864865,32.36756756756757,10.793553405168565,4.021992432432431,335,13,50,9,5,109,58,74,0.23800000000000002,0.705,0.057,-0.9304,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,3,1,9,14,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,13,3,6,13,0,8,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,7,37,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949828672930634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22051322486895505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679626012635115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20119882417661653,0.0,0.0,0.2280035176102573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985810366251554,0.0,0.0,0.18786791040237813,0.17669910183486284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19411025504604065,0.0,0.20898571195420945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052082625198578,0.0,0.17475472718513074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960530143238144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624754891508768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19813519182039527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163664672515162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18865122175420684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630362442026775,0.17167101638980795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667157220053776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643735648248977,0.0,0.0,0.4501395400394736,0.2150578604734024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171844552661958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159648262497002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,twyno,2020/01/07,"Weekly DAE (1/6/20-1/13/20) Sorry guys, forgot to post this yesterday. “DAE = ""Does Anyone Else?"" Contain your DAE posts to this thread. If your DAE submission has a lot of body to it (for example, a paragraph's worth), feel free to create your own separate text post. However, if your DAE submission has no content within the body of the post, or is only between 1-3 sentences, please post it here in the Weekly DAE thread. If your submission seems like it would be better suited as a tweet or Facebook post/status update, please post it here in the Weekly DAE thread. Have a wonderful week!",4.505929292929292,6.5272459363636415,4.7312121212121205,82.91126262626263,71.45454545454545,7.7979797979797985,25.858585858585855,8.515128840125781,1.8771010101010104,463,15,83,8,9,145,67,110,0.03,0.7909999999999999,0.179,0.9441,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,5,0,1,2,3,0,0,8,0,6,2,2,0,0,12,10,6,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,5,4,12,7,2,15,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,8,7,47,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056898925957846,0.11806308008545233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019084012332418,0.0,0.2559811446221071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083541319473498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962568850907159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582619381283873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140922677747021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05629380657778703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796137840199366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763488171785068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25296800598991515,0.0,0.0,0.7724853854621153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489780158314656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898653905803578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697107224651189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495813299159612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185353996449178,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,isndnd,2020/01/07,"My BFF/crush/FP is abroad and doesn't have time for me My FP who I've talked to every day for years is too busy for me because she's doing my dream study abroad trip and will be gone all semester. She's in a time zone with several hours difference from me and doesn't have good internet service. I am going crazy. I miss her so much and I know she's having a great life changing experience with people who aren't me. Even though I know logically that she's not completely ignoring me on purpose, I got very angry with her for not making time for me. It's very clear I love and care for her more than she cares about me. I could drop dead tomorrow and maybe she'd be bummed out for a few minutes. I also discovered she excluded me 10 months ago from an event I was dying to go to. So i went off on her and threatened to never speak to her again. She got mad at me justifiably but still isn't really sorry for excluding me. How do I cope these next few months??? I want to talk to her like I used to, I even wake up at 1 AM for the chance to talk to her. There's no one replacing her, she's the most beautiful and kind person ever, I just need to be worthy of her.",3.5266716867469903,3.7393896867469887,4.885800702811245,87.75231551204821,71.81124497991969,8.795281124497992,23.996234939759034,8.841846274778883,1.2670499999999998,908,21,213,16,16,304,144,249,0.079,0.76,0.161,0.9699,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,14,10,1,0,6,0,20,3,1,3,4,31,36,14,2,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,5,12,0,1,3,1,0,5,8,3,0,1,5,1,46,7,36,25,6,30,0,1,0,1,26,8,0,1,17,145,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148768583594585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959985487597396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354518500358044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794658171253903,0.0,0.14498207630013646,0.0,0.14369565403122256,0.0,0.0,0.10942429089785416,0.0,0.0,0.08838673422343453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422375855505406,0.14318941220245118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810421487785291,0.1239707243151387,0.11547160992213558,0.0,0.0,0.1340624447510609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577879553914495,0.1149521068789859,0.21922484852689533,0.15109951420906526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496789871933773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271781259945585,0.15063959276804476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968033684203765,0.06695633009947394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236941262711647,0.0,0.09148279009422916,0.0,0.1376864263966407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21878603986746015,0.0,0.1007484562388206,0.10162178363230627,0.10570239200488396,0.0,0.14575558547440956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928694906631503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501409752401138,0.119667886768842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779855598220662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482893033588752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534176814926279,0.0,0.0,0.10944932502539567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304698696226732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134652181562186,0.0,0.23974710127402746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836829789437925,0.0,0.22616330962438386,0.08083639270421103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704790472068386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882565275152433 bpd,MoneyThrowaway081,2020/01/07,"Deleting messages right after they were sent? Is this related to BPD, do you have the same? Sometimes, I write a message and minutes later I just delete all of the messages. It just makes me feel weird, maybe I'm scared of the reaction? maybe i think it doesn't make sense, I don't know.... Just delete all of it or so at least I don't see it. On tope of that, if I say something, weird and I'm little anixous about the answer, I sent another message with just emoji or dot, so I and the person don't have to see the message I've just sent as in the ""preview"". &#x200B; Anyone?? :'(",1.671275783040489,3.5507364789916025,2.8089228418640206,94.19236058059592,79.16806722689077,5.335676088617267,23.423223834988537,6.1124844417494595,0.3635478991596632,447,15,98,3,11,143,70,119,0.095,0.905,0.0,-0.8577,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,1,0,8,3,0,1,8,0,9,0,0,2,2,22,21,9,0,1,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,4,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,4,4,11,0,13,17,4,10,0,0,2,0,13,5,0,3,2,64,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22928344491510486,0.2571339080063875,0.0,0.2218955018849007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796527698155248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665201511527662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699828670897744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629740067722613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21209260298895946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825076860381965,0.0,0.4251889746707356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18477299254496096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18071701400720955,0.0,0.1682837733902475,0.21186231259393135,0.0,0.33725757382928806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291062827374733,0.20929144183164303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559356722866642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571339080063875,0.0 bpd,bluvelvet-,2020/01/07,"Something my psych just told me about BPD Its like having a very effective accelerator pedal but no matter how hard you pump the break pedal, it just doesnt work. And sometimes you know youre about to cause a collision but you dont realise until the last second and by then its too late to swerve the car",3.5872131147541,5.3898041147540985,4.2565245901639335,86.27495081967214,73.42622950819671,6.847213114754098,22.036065573770493,7.554174236665415,0.7654957377049181,245,6,49,3,5,78,47,61,0.122,0.797,0.081,-0.5504,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,4,0,2,6,1,0,0,5,0,3,0,0,3,0,11,5,7,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,1,6,1,6,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,34,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37991718906215993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098772957062429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535311568480485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270218846778843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577876520564516,0.2458847348635289,0.34027395724069914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473707877541076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322246467834113,0.2983392285030944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882391785892379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24889256214389996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21960454628878304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bringonthecheese,2020/01/07,"Started the year symptom free and now everything is back to a big shit show Like wtf...I felt beautiful, strong, amazing, and my boyfriend was so proud of me for not having any flare ups and then all of the sudden today I like spiral into depression and buy a bunch of hair accessories from Target, cry, drink wine and eat a shit load of chocolate and taco bell. Now I feel so useless and better off dead. Love when you don't know when BPD is going to come fuck you from behind...",9.037105263157894,6.16335394736842,8.20513157894737,78.53717105263159,62.15789473684211,11.18421052631579,34.276315789473685,8.841846274778883,2.625578947368421,375,10,77,4,4,117,72,95,0.198,0.562,0.239,0.6415,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,3,7,13,3,0,5,0,5,9,3,0,1,14,13,12,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,3,3,2,2,2,5,0,0,2,3,6,9,13,11,2,16,0,2,0,2,3,4,3,0,12,47,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033101349333033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998447203055164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19551303012814897,0.0,0.0,0.27842220794692873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904269513065688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24282828291944314,0.0,0.0,0.19040198893706647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21655843456433554,0.0,0.2262035296070429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19867795378053293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117765358574194,0.0,0.21225598446587404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043699873932651,0.0,0.0,0.12563569281815382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149092267504467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21600128288306286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19951877529710266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4538377754587247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564701463384023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22977000674606746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095427022385468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235788563810986 bpd,toonio,2020/01/07,"I can tell you guys with utmost certainty that doing mushrooms gave me that clarity that we all strive so hard to achieve. It only lasted for 2-3 days, but everything made perfect sense, I finally managed to get out of my head and see things as they really are, which took a huge load off my chest, gave me hope and made me incredibly happy, understanding and most importantly, gave me a stable self-image (if only for a few days) which literally made EVERYONE at work treat me differently. I felt... normal. I’m not recommending drugs here, but I found it very interesting how this certain substance managed to temporarily completely recover my mind and gave me insight into everything after I have struggled for so long with, and made me so forgiving towards myself and subsequently, others. I feel as if I could have laughed less and learned more from the experience, but I’m glad it happened anyway. Next time I will be journaling as soon as they wear off, to get a grasp on all the incredible thoughts that made me finally feel stable and whole.",12.80638786084382,8.656212466321241,11.976328645447815,58.30595854922282,56.46113989637306,15.795410806809768,46.22427831236122,13.484332010920856,6.003440266469282,838,36,145,23,7,275,124,193,0.021,0.736,0.244,0.9941,1,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,1,1,2,3,7,10,0,1,6,0,8,4,3,6,4,44,31,21,0,5,6,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,12,13,0,0,10,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,13,5,24,9,23,15,7,19,0,0,1,0,11,8,0,4,10,101,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990101103401455,0.0,0.0,0.09891966542163376,0.0,0.0,0.1598033874444685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944336792832384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367826948155174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838649043945534,0.22269674991571664,0.12119258047338433,0.0,0.0,0.12528954913528953,0.0,0.1189581354932963,0.2714407062742627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584390868720886,0.0,0.0,0.1294595104127625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267501947682655,0.10955948451037063,0.13188798380457006,0.11098512380349457,0.0,0.1271514858576472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230551793751602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099054179797068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964272108606476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5861597899226039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509811217918593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131763191062595,0.0,0.12139029066677742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884546785031207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936998001997356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872786440604714,0.0,0.1292489689373723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295214167993743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828924134629564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230999108688489,0.0,0.0,0.09835838247382694,0.07224387092737805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137651332248963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289785289564322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222592595814634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832376872366367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901966611441372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Boukensha94,2020/01/07,"Is there any advice on moving on from people leaving you? I have a group of friends whom I were close to, but no longer. Some even ghosted me. I know that other people's approval shouldn't decide our worth, but it still pains me and the thought often resurfaces when I remember them. Is there any advice on moving on and be less needy of other people's approval?",4.7753521126760505,5.966247943661977,4.739549295774649,86.37411267605634,69.56338028169014,6.2433802816901425,25.46760563380281,5.6839178017228535,0.7461414084507041,288,8,54,1,5,89,51,71,0.14800000000000002,0.7190000000000001,0.133,0.1407,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,1,1,2,6,2,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,12,8,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,9,1,8,4,2,9,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,2,2,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4300431879803164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992709560660834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453350562405645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17000319041716866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092882146345785,0.0,0.0,0.2329917293422913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4677376838941326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341392202012018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4576463315465141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492636460347969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17572508849877494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746880364781253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,w_wise,2020/01/07,"The incomprehensible feelings of wanting to stay away from everyone, but also feeling lonely and wanting someone's company Recently I had a (few) bad episodes (breakdowns?) with various friends and I started lashing out at them. After that, I decided it probably was for the best for me to isolate myself for a while, because honestly, no one deserves to be on the end of me being an ass to them. And I could probably do without every little thing about them triggering me as well. But despite all that, it's been getting painfully hard to get through the days with no one to really *speak to.* Every now and then, I find myself grabbing my phone, considering just hopping back on social media, or some messaging app and reaching out to someone, anyone, but then stopping myself right before it by thinking about what'll happen if I do. My mind knows (thinks?) that I can't handle the company of others, but my heart (?) is so desperately craving it. I don't know which is the worse of the two at the moment, the emotional pitfall of company, or the emotional sinkhole of loneliness.",7.206212121212123,7.855685631313134,7.7106565656565635,69.16931818181818,63.898989898989896,10.43838383838384,39.22727272727273,10.317481424215053,4.425769696969696,857,45,137,19,12,283,126,198,0.18100000000000002,0.713,0.106,-0.9598,0,2,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,3,1,8,7,0,0,13,0,12,3,2,1,1,34,24,18,0,4,9,0,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,10,9,0,1,8,0,0,0,5,3,1,3,3,5,20,4,34,18,5,22,0,1,0,1,8,9,1,4,12,120,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412435232760013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978546545243784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407982268030136,0.1097344280480454,0.11915607135934425,0.08699409446675528,0.0,0.12143486563494928,0.0,0.1497643128212613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394154072335436,0.0,0.0,0.09203551235552264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32105688045016995,0.12639783409545516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404770099285571,0.1363645849791979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431593762636408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043345956580008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102566354198235,0.0,0.14911914647959665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619711573789846,0.0,0.12783925167600452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691108766957805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685829127238402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430319297878989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14409542918007226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934066515858048,0.0,0.15185245980300485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077289227210415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142305296030463,0.0,0.1409079414376527,0.0,0.0,0.12187272396436888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547387487516686,0.2418337803319329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101017940010733,0.1521088280709961,0.0,0.11931113142681082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948095321733078,0.18288435630686214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394059768326696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834695579309522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831254831097444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756640341149076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145432684108281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Wanttoescape92,2020/01/07,"No one likes me or just barely tolerates me? I last had a friend when I was a teenager but stopped the friendship as it felt forced, fake and she didn’t seem to like me truly. Well, I’m now in my late 20’s with nobody. I seem to be manipulated, conned and people seem to bail on me. If anyone is nice to me, it ends up they are getting information from me for vindictive purposes or it is forced. I can’t make friends online or offline. I make enemies everywhere I go. I’m polite to others But am repeatedly treated as a child or made to be someone with a very low IQ.",2.053865546218489,3.60172703361345,4.222428571428573,85.98507142857143,76.98319327731093,7.449075630252103,25.345378151260505,8.238735603445708,1.493923697478992,443,16,97,8,10,153,82,119,0.203,0.617,0.18,-0.4921,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,4,9,0,0,5,0,10,0,0,4,0,22,21,12,0,1,8,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,2,1,1,5,1,15,7,15,14,0,12,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,8,9,64,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889612212574765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18860609865950265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044606311846153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290416169971977,0.0,0.1112549936247796,0.0,0.12102157268996175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17357862775894786,0.2402112786413088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080683790664013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20149374420780305,0.2842849334648293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429706913667745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14762927740295426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5815714961345297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18042764007348236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17803158721903364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17570195815663406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914631632668302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tapewornn,2020/01/07,"Interesting Experience - Psychosis I remember almost a year ago in Januraury 2019, I was walking to work and I'd been dissociating for almost 3 months. I thought it was the weed I'd been smoking but it just kept going. I kept dissociating, it didnt stop a single hour. I woke up, felt like I was just in a mech, and my body was going on it's own. I'd feel like it wasn't body or my face I'd be looking at. And as I was walking to work a little voice in my heard said, ""Psychosis,"" and when I looked it up I learned what it was. It didn't seem like it applied to me. As I continued another voice said to me, ""It's Borderline Personality Disorder,"" and when I looked it up, I learned what it was. And I cried when I did. It seemed like a big deal at the time. It still is to me, just different. And now, almost a year later, I realize whoever that voice was, was right. And I almost have to thank them, for if it hadn't been that voice I never would have gotten help. Weird, but thanks little guy.",1.047548076923075,2.9231417355769267,3.4429230769230803,88.90207692307693,81.16346153846155,6.8523076923076935,21.93846153846154,7.908726449838941,0.911620384615385,763,24,175,14,20,264,97,208,0.027999999999999997,0.8320000000000001,0.14,0.9682,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,1,2,8,8,0,0,8,0,22,3,3,0,1,33,41,17,0,2,7,0,2,4,0,1,0,7,0,2,19,8,0,3,9,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,26,12,24,7,19,13,2,32,0,0,3,0,8,13,0,8,19,115,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067297581470164,0.0,0.4822637799682683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625276369097513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674805870890951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225674855806765,0.0,0.12412993088897599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579522960226838,0.13799196325743562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777697637767405,0.0,0.0,0.060879239517955125,0.08601573653514473,0.1156055053799521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685529572748747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921763539168115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070341397017565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857243875217299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23529077432847825,0.24135033886048335,0.0,0.0,0.3033239146292384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610431279648432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092862010306763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513102233299787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639282541436046,0.1028232761393503,0.22906114212234555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21922025228253694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615377812932496,0.10066207609164447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217013199156952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955863209110416,0.07020780188366538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753092472727917,0.0,0.0,0.08553064702224218,0.0,0.0,0.15507082502694838 bpd,Choukin,2020/01/07,"How to recover from a slump I'm in a bit of a rut right now. Not a crisis, per se, but more of a depressive episode. I can't sleep, i don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to do anything. This is made exponentially more difficult by the fact that I'm self employed. No work = no pay, and my debtors dont really appreciate the 'I didn't feel like it' excuse. Usually I'm so driven and focused, but I just can't even right now.",0.760625000000001,1.9455771458333369,3.7170833333333313,89.78625000000002,79.625,7.716666666666668,23.458333333333336,8.472884824447931,1.2012958333333341,330,11,83,7,8,119,63,96,0.21600000000000005,0.6809999999999999,0.10400000000000001,-0.9135,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,7,0,8,1,1,2,1,13,17,6,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,9,2,0,0,3,1,6,1,10,14,3,8,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,49,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21145123742815047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805272033389959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22131409251168235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011481591072311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697156850433974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992365644647152,0.183567979676986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424785283913687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553473881626553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431360754164927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461130377511793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4388746019039741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680590480559083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25713955612770045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829985145291127,0.0,0.3031162379985916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18706556286599266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mamamiaithurts,2020/01/07,Being left behind my on and off again (possibly emotionally abusive) ex boyfriend is finally completely out of my life and it hurts so much. even when we weren’t dating we would still talk but now he’s officially gone and i just feel so horrible. any advice on how to help ease this pain would be greatly appreciated.,4.587499999999999,6.7229560833333375,5.6099999999999985,76.215,71.5,9.466666666666667,28.66666666666667,9.888512548439397,2.989066666666667,255,10,47,7,5,84,53,60,0.16899999999999998,0.6759999999999999,0.155,-0.2611,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,2,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,0,12,8,8,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,1,5,1,7,2,1,12,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,6,34,7,0,0.0,0.28072441244356244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315261656509469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16112115918888756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24841757551407656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665154096610789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649064673747495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979939873328065,0.0,0.0,0.25954625607503634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612171901386446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15880981014059206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25363946416315714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257426152020562,0.0,0.1673513249006175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741714974218759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25211121764899663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26710402749862483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18921334919811286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19043610920963028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33661787393093384,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CryingontheMoon,2020/01/07,"I’m really scared I’m going to die alone. I know I’m better off not getting involved with anyone and no one is going to love me as much as I love them, or stick around. Idk I’m lonely. The thought of dying alone without ever meeting my true love hurts a lot.",-0.4403571428571418,1.710248535714289,2.069285714285716,94.47571428571429,90.42857142857143,3.9142857142857146,16.92857142857143,5.288315135182226,-0.6031142857142857,202,5,44,1,7,69,42,56,0.272,0.483,0.245,0.2516,0,4,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,2,8,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,11,13,4,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,1,0,5,5,9,12,2,5,0,2,0,3,6,2,0,2,1,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022341169862154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577864111829324,0.0,0.0,0.17286578662632945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17174081945358846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030666673756949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17565141628511025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145362845138034,0.0,0.22071957887478452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20787901906441994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671897726053756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508911137812646,0.5257785316422358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427482909747448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158475643968753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439985965443685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944130237513056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416116990960993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871873747749986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,leavingitclosed,2020/01/07,"i had a mini episode in class and now everyone definitely hates me i was in the first session with my new class today, meaning i had to make a good impression. most people on my course really like me and are drawn to me because i’m naturally quite confident and a strong character, and i’ve turned into a bit of a class clown but in a respectful way like i’m not disruptive and i make sure to do the work. however, today my teacher picked on me and asked me in front of the class why i dress the way i do, and my confidence was really hyped just from the situation and wanting to make an impression so i came out with ‘it’s a don’t fuck with me vibe’ and i got a few smiles off people and some little laughs but i am aware it probably came off like i’m a little full of myself but i was just having a bit of fun. but then, it was quite a long class (4 hours) and somewhere in the middle i think i got confused and lost where my head was at, and was struggling to keep up this confident identity i put on because there was so many new people and i was tiring myself out thinking about what impression i was giving. we got given our projects back, and i got a decent mark, and i did quite well and put a lot of effort in, but my confidence just disappeared somewhere? i was comparing it to everyone else’s and my teacher again picked on me (he likes me because i’m so open and ‘unapologetically myself’ apparently so unfortunately this happens a lot) and asked what i liked about my project and what i did well and i ended up saying ‘um... i’m not really sure... nothing really, i don’t like it at all, in fact i hate it’ and started crying?? i’m not usually that unstable and it definitely confused me, i’m not sure why i acted like that or why i ended up in that situation, but i’m sure everyone thinks i’m a massive weirdo now",3.1973176291793344,4.358087196808512,5.1189513677811584,82.28000000000003,73.30851063829788,8.77568389057751,26.460486322188448,9.23628265651192,2.0808688449848027,1430,49,302,32,28,493,157,376,0.09300000000000001,0.6759999999999999,0.231,0.9949,2,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,2,0,0,8,17,28,3,3,22,0,21,3,1,5,6,71,56,36,0,1,14,0,0,7,0,0,1,1,0,0,15,34,0,1,4,0,0,7,6,7,3,1,22,1,47,21,39,34,9,53,0,1,0,1,7,28,1,7,23,203,62,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978695854465926,0.0,0.0,0.061600832259831324,0.0,0.14650576075804214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492211443675715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18325252849946894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799876921331365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692291523012632,0.0,0.1419100990385817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22965003987100224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814283830662912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406183142477657,0.0,0.07685029274090581,0.0,0.06719376214728934,0.2562900799060446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084237368823895,0.0,0.0,0.1581871280916366,0.08221755621065947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788937334886247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120682111127119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739691762750397,0.1605856260681767,0.0,0.07089619537812919,0.0,0.0,0.08745121361079218,0.1362159395963099,0.0,0.0,0.1604252328658909,0.08122053149901111,0.0,0.08726495679852148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15474445658844513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686918698138395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661777264479738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637379392790814,0.0,0.0,0.1610684571298456,0.0,0.25562546415108994,0.0,0.0,0.20528602555338926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637079151421297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009746374575966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05670336309619387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374997975335381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020167281352508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399672768431913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207643481574504,0.15187275281884005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713835514184796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823154751960625,0.0,0.04725186420401822,0.12717762930665574,0.0,0.0,0.14405979793096718,0.0,0.2168646234176967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05832215807477253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,FrogginBullfish_,2020/01/07,"I officially start graduate school tomorrow and am super nervous. Undergraduate college was extremely traumatic and anxiety provoking to the point where I have a hard time remembering a lot of it. I haven't gotten my career off the ground since graduation in May 2017, so I'm hoping this is what will make me more marketable. I really hope it works out the way I want it to. I want to be able to get a decent job and be financially independent from my parents. I've always done well in school in terms of grades. It is more so the social interaction that freaks me out. I still feel like the crazy person in any crowd. I'm also not very used to the size of this city, so that is definitely a factor as well. It is seriously massive, and the city I used to live in was a little speck by comparison. So yeah, that starts tomorrow. I'm super nervous and really hope it goes well. I'm currently sitting in a locked bathroom with the lights off and the fan on trying to calm down. It is horrible timing since I am also having PMS. *sigh* I really hope it goes well.",3.238091440723018,5.198546464114834,5.198620414673044,78.47173179160023,74.78947368421052,8.854970760233918,24.529771398192448,9.444778638647367,2.2284830409356733,837,27,163,22,18,288,118,209,0.098,0.7040000000000001,0.19699999999999998,0.97,3,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,3,12,17,0,2,15,1,17,1,0,5,0,25,35,13,0,6,1,1,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,14,9,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,4,3,14,12,26,27,4,27,0,0,0,0,5,16,0,6,10,108,28,10,0.121716610620784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467345907688152,0.10127797055087412,0.0,0.0,0.08277146906255868,0.0,0.09311287397188613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245583517696514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154357550481654,0.08695437094761685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359190538151839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903417553743748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4835682321727377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078495486000712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059464587805834336,0.1219920199429598,0.1074779971298324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034791097226048,0.0,0.0,0.08124678273434438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515189190465354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627824956553816,0.0,0.0,0.11506153932200465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339243324868431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788119259814802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24636741617588595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013704761805224,0.0,0.0,0.12407475639367645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723032869386954,0.0,0.09720304246951368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419478689440664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263758892335474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21024814332297986,0.0,0.10042895095681877,0.14358322102555707,0.09661298006889574,0.0,0.0,0.4377514021015105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861114216976677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,confused-about-itall,2020/01/07,"Today I split on my boyfriend the worst I ever have before. My boyfriend is a kind man. Someone who has taken it upon himself to research this disease and to actively help me out in instances where I need him. I have quiet BPD. Today, I split so hard for two hours on him. Ranting about how I wanted to die and didn’t deserve happiness. That I wasn’t worthy of him. He stayed the whole time (even though later he said he thought about letting me deal with it myself). He said kind words. Told me how amazing I was and at the end when I got very bad was stern with me about being mean to myself which got me out of it. I have never ever split that long. Almost two hours. And thought the conversation stopped and said “I’m so sorry, that was so rude of me, I shouldn’t say that” and almost immediately go back to shitting on myself. Afterwards we discussed what happened and how it made him feel and myself as well. I feel so safe right now. So happy. I feared I’d pushed him away and he’d never see me the same (this is the first episode I’ve had because of our relationship). But, I think that he’s genuinely okay with what happened and I’m happy about that.",1.428553191489364,3.7203151744680913,2.637702127659576,92.89399999999999,82.36170212765958,4.951489361702128,20.88936170212766,6.152001189255117,0.10548851063829813,906,27,191,7,25,290,127,235,0.10800000000000001,0.746,0.146,0.87,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,0,0,1,22,14,2,1,7,1,16,1,1,4,4,40,38,22,1,3,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,1,16,16,0,2,6,0,0,2,5,5,1,3,16,9,36,9,27,18,3,32,0,0,1,0,26,11,1,2,18,137,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22005953403686693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323664560641477,0.08449156653667811,0.09174589334077753,0.06698232680191962,0.0,0.093500483049637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839104376433092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328229855144364,0.0,0.0,0.11403894118439024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732179043109684,0.0,0.0,0.07257524400649472,0.19878698143026272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364646898381088,0.11111808630307267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934645676944368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624478010980839,0.0,0.17576345598493226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19433448901628347,0.3509105220957325,0.09843163017401507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365079614575144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21642094393350447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288479261511525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123605811018012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724106622005137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397188683898813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969242351406514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147523428383563,0.16949372162410853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797087682960512,0.0,0.09383761822983404,0.3135654612381168,0.08738163680061672,0.0,0.0,0.08756078566252276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279108069099662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310166055080588,0.0,0.0,0.12300257972367427,0.0,0.11711833192541632,0.0,0.09186528402099137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040719140875873,0.10795734583151888,0.17446619143877046,0.06407238863880109,0.0,0.2083083349552237,0.1049958304787612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21467518584069226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906631825353848,0.06481055339538387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879605157608992,0.0,0.0,0.12267800927438305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tammer80,2020/01/07,"How can I deal with the hate? It’s ripping me apart I’ve been recently diagnosed with BPD. Everything is still confusing to me. My whole life I thought I was normal and it was quite a shock to be told I’m not. I don’t know much about the disorder and as it got explained to me, I felt like killing myself more. I didn’t know about the things I was doing. I’ve tried to talk with a couple other people who have experience with someone with BPD and they won’t even talk to me. They told me to go die, no one cares about “my type of people” and that we’re all just a group of monsters. I’m having a hard time dealing with the hatred, I feel like people just see me as a disease. What am I supposed to do when no one will give me a chance. I did nothing to these people and just wanted to talk.",1.2480784313725517,2.8251919647058834,2.9205882352941184,94.30931372549021,79.35294117647058,5.945098039215687,20.745098039215687,6.742157984588678,0.1536980392156866,614,16,144,6,15,203,97,170,0.17300000000000001,0.768,0.059000000000000004,-0.9612,0,1,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,2,1,10,7,2,1,10,0,17,2,0,1,1,26,34,9,2,2,4,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,9,11,0,0,6,0,0,1,6,4,0,2,11,4,22,3,22,20,4,6,0,0,1,0,13,1,0,1,6,101,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345395585356047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540883534809586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695194405275835,0.0,0.0,0.2738429389392773,0.0,0.13479954254650214,0.13783600441897478,0.0,0.15221197860093594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771987489267101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936123098550755,0.12991384559575408,0.0,0.0,0.06715282023678952,0.09487962298504148,0.12751860540034365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274036316289556,0.07547908897359143,0.0,0.10622043770408818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897183953764695,0.1311225623028885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693479267683704,0.0,0.14597800921663534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380776161039064,0.12976869616772466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976307676032974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012578341766404,0.12743495479986275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799912375605601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682954407723988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125998009959953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311340357403484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583252276951524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252963910236063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606238561673127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202433887874419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823318582112248,0.0,0.0,0.10543645216432322,0.07744268713677707,0.0,0.0,0.25381164720644434,0.0,0.09016939799569243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833488834097592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827782907168446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hagridvibes,2020/01/07,"Advice on DBT treatment? So I was recently diagnosed with BPD after struggling for a long time. I’ve had therapists but never stayed with them long. My current therapist has given me a bunch of recommendations of DBT groups to reach out to. I’ve been calling and all of the specialists are incredibly expensive. My family can’t afford it. However, I think it’s important for my wellbeing to start something other than just regular therapy. I was wondering if anybody here has found a way to afford DBT or found a cheaper alternative? Thanks!",5.065260770975058,7.761330877551021,6.477074829931973,68.01951247165536,71.85714285714286,10.886167800453515,33.337868480725625,10.746095033038511,4.7474589569161,438,22,68,16,9,148,73,98,0.02,0.895,0.085,0.7142,4,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,5,0,8,1,0,0,2,14,15,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,7,0,8,1,15,8,2,12,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,8,49,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18323372338687646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23616372642391995,0.0,0.19146984683295665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19031986786479574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767688220127321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4111925900807297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318829302143245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462015682305646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851446368675241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443552424864774,0.0,0.0,0.13272135547612945,0.1998619343254694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19602736463985185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263507191030186,0.21443533918500104,0.4354297898642312,0.0,0.12014957209550495,0.0,0.0,0.10933925816463078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883762114061508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033478410204712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheKingofLostBoys,2020/01/07,"I feel like I turned a corner today. Nothing exciting, but i managed to change a vibe that had been bugging me. I know I'm not okay and I won't be okay for a while, but I changed something in my own life without using anger or fear, simply by telling the truth about how I felt and in doing so, I lifted the weight of 6 months worth of worry and panic that I had no idea had become so heavy. Currently lying in bed smoking a joint, reading Constantine fully aware that - maybe even as soon as tomorrow - I'll start digging myself another hole to live in. But I'll have more tools this time and this hole, while still a hole, will be a little more comfortable than the last one. Tonight, for the first time in a long time, I'm glad that we're alive.",6.079754901960782,5.0570711176470615,6.213848039215687,84.57606617647059,66.58169934640523,9.218627450980392,30.23611111111111,8.07648339933343,1.8296934640522868,583,17,126,6,8,186,102,153,0.16,0.701,0.14,-0.5087,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,7,10,1,2,11,2,10,2,0,2,1,17,18,15,0,0,6,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,6,4,1,0,4,1,1,0,4,3,0,2,5,3,12,7,17,9,3,23,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,17,79,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180669299748802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902894186614292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36453652070121056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380109303886035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19388296261868587,0.08711896081633881,0.12308960558851438,0.16543293860263686,0.0,0.0,0.14655644785816524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19450328013375354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469038247498633,0.1404457293435994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169905417504455,0.08417601760253242,0.17268769190189445,0.15214214227510464,0.1524781593998601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309633061989568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752648566394754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16532441667667955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116753470048099,0.0,0.0,0.20215438217899687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234445821366842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264328876356613,0.0,0.0,0.12195329228282975,0.0,0.13759727118012074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505958994790852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30140475421840984,0.0,0.16331819845406292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874105646190872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881000664666588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20981234203738636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608896155986216,0.0,0.0,0.1749768119047552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,30july98,2020/01/07,How to cope being alone? Distractions? I find myself caught up on my phone & social media too much & I’m spiralling. Thoughts & opinions?,2.652692307692305,5.654340038461537,2.3757692307692326,89.60673076923081,90.92307692307692,4.138461538461539,21.884615384615387,5.985473137389443,0.5617999999999999,115,4,19,1,4,34,23,26,0.171,0.8290000000000001,0.0,-0.5484,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702823848303176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8482706352904568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238518471586858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19184025862444853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660222799161309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20717809301506415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lesyeuxsansvisages,2020/01/08,"What's your relationship with social media? Basically, every time I sign in to Instagram or Twitter, I end up deleting my account after 3 months. A lot of people have already told me what it's like to build a whole social persona through it and earn friends, dates, opportunities, and have a whole cherry-coloured reality. But the more I tried to fit in and be somebody in all this, the more I felt like I was living in a cyber Stockholm syndrome. I know that self-esteem plays a huge role in this universe, of course, and I feel like I'm missing a lot of things that people always talk about, but how do you feel when entering social media? Does anybody else relate?",8.665416666666665,7.066677625000002,8.494062500000002,72.16135416666668,61.8125,10.408333333333333,36.95833333333333,8.841846274778883,3.1730270833333325,528,20,96,6,6,171,87,128,0.013999999999999999,0.86,0.126,0.8431,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,2,3,7,0,0,8,0,5,0,0,1,1,17,12,9,0,0,3,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,4,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,3,11,6,16,8,7,15,0,1,0,0,10,8,0,3,9,65,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839692081541275,0.0,0.1387165104174738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588950251925667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392652505208461,0.0,0.1476560414776245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046080617809772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858769950083258,0.11909803126772735,0.16006824621954385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880013687922964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916197438349034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443390226612596,0.0,0.14720844649054765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28346265083611977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306674931188373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23115217230462626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789847125206407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17391543417940813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5098211529381914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399560387201664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075506408190484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972102468780554,0.0,0.0,0.15929904938530498,0.0,0.11318550226086177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37225269172653386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,greenhouselimpbizkit,2020/01/08,"Maybe a weird question.. looking for shows that don't have naked women in them My insecurities have been at an all time high, every single show I watch seems to have scantily clad or naked attractive women and it really triggers me and I start thinking about how my other half probably found that attractive.. I have really saggy boobs lol cause I lost a lot of weight a while ago (put it all back on now though but still got the saggs) but yeah I have to read the parental guide before watching anything :( I wanted to watch the Witcher but apparently theres a lot of boobs and stuff in it. I am on a waiting list for therapy. I hate it so much I just want to watch tv but everytime I see these attractive women I just want to cry. Also it annoys me because it could be some show about people going to spaceto find life or something and I check the parents guide ""two people having sex in first episode, can.see breast"" and it's just like ?? I like all genres, comedy, horror, true crime, everything really Thanks in advance",3.384303440496332,5.641979852791884,4.192038917089679,84.501008178229,75.34517766497461,7.220417371686407,24.14241398759165,8.167268648758528,1.5187689791314156,809,26,152,14,18,259,125,197,0.142,0.7120000000000001,0.146,-0.4113,3,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,3,13,12,2,1,10,2,11,6,3,3,4,34,26,16,0,4,9,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,12,5,1,1,5,5,1,3,1,5,0,3,4,7,18,7,19,20,8,19,0,1,6,4,7,8,2,7,10,104,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445141971806276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227358103295794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553286557698952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795484879678877,0.0,0.08558329852742512,0.0,0.11946553867797567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422401776767618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209373411120599,0.0,0.1542169720151894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828857956308303,0.0,0.1261776926058157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831820109640438,0.11941964963958937,0.0,0.1539355285534633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978953641851412,0.0,0.11228645705496232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386106881048302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833469576155006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916491988887624,0.13717950560426712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178961783649603,0.0,0.15325738624159613,0.23871708584724916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104533412635384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320624948157917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.311783372206318,0.0,0.0,0.19466399822713565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136921891187852,0.0,0.0,0.14113543841454707,0.1572741810611616,0.0,0.1404326804994576,0.0,0.2698212958621138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187638913787046,0.12781005082918515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808268965769306,0.0,0.0,0.09937208256373943,0.0,0.11211937895489946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071832828529345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292565658158384,0.1605535609068421,0.0,0.0,0.08995924699111335,0.13793706784552262,0.0,0.08186527142384317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714520973992125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484252729246397,0.0,0.0,0.17096290707328585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ilovebooks63,2020/01/08,"Just got diagnosed with BPD... And honestly I’m not sure if I’m relieved or even more worried. It’s nice to put a name to a face I guess, but it’s not what I wanted to hear. BPD seems so hard to get under control, and I’m afraid I will never be able to be in control of my emotions for good. I’ve already suffered the consequences of this illness over the years, I’m just thankful to be on the right track towards possible normality. It’s nice to read these posts and relate with every single one, and not feel purely crazy for every insane thought and outburst I’ve had. I always told people I was “too much” but I guess it wasn’t just my personality that made me “too much” it was BPD.",4.2345843045843035,4.458456965034966,5.459813519813519,84.2182672882673,70.25874125874124,8.033877233877233,28.47630147630148,7.793537801064563,1.5963774669774669,538,18,115,6,9,180,88,143,0.11599999999999999,0.74,0.14300000000000002,0.63,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,7,9,0,1,5,0,8,3,1,3,3,31,24,10,0,3,10,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,9,7,0,2,3,1,0,1,5,2,0,1,8,3,9,7,18,12,4,10,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,5,2,74,18,1,0.1364208388507512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054378799085985,0.0,0.11351306636937085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5154518126839822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060151417409921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846427979741427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345508196417626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010467744534753,0.0,0.2298808810285829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897847511051189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127425773703704,0.0,0.0,0.1144233271851502,0.10910820710974528,0.0,0.3005658684309373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222062758267222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537562001493633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908469623846974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005700266764011,0.0,0.10521616099964556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366345718707115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924422910043286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457703267358883,0.119117414487423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537939981965286,0.13065345341612464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714062273352814,0.0,0.0,0.1364577562671825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650265098774185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419240808134055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285750261425214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559797969603545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830290769192497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035595770850647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046454529622993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385419838780408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785054748698995 bpd,fzf277,2020/01/08,"diagnosis i have been to cognitive behavioural therapy for my diagnosed anxiety in the past, but i fear there are a couple of other problems i deal with as well. i feel i need to be diagnosed but i don’t want to get help how did any of you who are diagnosed get around to it? i’d like to know :)",1.2092473118279583,3.1482613225806446,3.856129032258069,85.82086021505377,80.93548387096773,8.649462365591399,24.849462365591396,9.2995712137729,2.2303139784946238,230,9,51,7,6,81,46,62,0.131,0.6559999999999999,0.213,0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,7,3,0,1,0,10,13,4,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,1,8,2,12,10,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455022801352453,0.0,0.16368122526151474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19047256766541887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23674615750056746,0.0,0.0,0.22058661411536296,0.0,0.6515042846781506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24076803074465425,0.10818619827634632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235738313201246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341499030684254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758855244954527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453158813107499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586509657267031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042520385506128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047338396393573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446855108241392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620101035413248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19237856914811613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TripleFiltered,2020/01/08,"When you've been hit so hard by losing your 2nd FP ever that you've been unable to make any friends outside of work for over a year and going Just push everyone away out of fear that I'll hurt them (and that they'll hurt me if I get close), with hysterical episodes being triggered by loneliness and forcing myself into said constant loneliness without any control over it. It's like having a disorder that's basically a living definition of irony.",12.83868217054264,8.05389279069768,11.780697674418604,61.65926356589149,57.139534883720934,14.72248062015504,46.10852713178295,11.855464076750405,5.321787596899224,364,15,64,7,3,118,65,86,0.267,0.674,0.059000000000000004,-0.9496,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,2,3,5,6,0,1,3,0,5,0,0,3,1,14,10,6,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,3,2,6,2,14,4,0,12,0,3,0,0,5,6,0,1,5,41,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930270175599087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20242253391778067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328251017656304,0.24164569413133236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469245691068791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948870202756776,0.0,0.20587187748564328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24244134836684456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16645627266486954,0.0,0.11256382534913424,0.0,0.1224453009066216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19300104028412907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4612877420531201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525807390227268,0.0,0.1902464539348944,0.0,0.0,0.2410336385661525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438146664582521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20494245636671893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076862827220962,0.0,0.15685029519627786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874285047815707 bpd,cookies1995,2020/01/08,"The stab of jealousy It always feels like a sharp stab to the heart when I feel jealous. I feel silly because it’s to do with someone I’ve been talking to about a month I think. Recently I purposely didn’t message him a few days to keep my distance because I knew I was starting to kinda like him so I was protecting myself and him, so I wouldn’t get obsessive. Then he messages so I talk to him, he mentions this girl he kinda likes, he’s mentioned her before. She has a bf, he hung out with her, watched stuff, he said it was nice and how he wanted to do something but he didn’t. Like cool cool cool cool cool. Fuck, it’s difficult because we don’t live close, I’ve recently started liking him since we opened up about personal stuff with each other. Also I want someone to hang out with, feeling lonely af. Like just him telling me this wants me to redownload tinder and find someone then tell him.",3.0367216117216103,4.730871060439561,3.924417582417583,88.53724908424908,74.65934065934066,6.611575091575091,27.51794871794872,7.3011,1.4123746520146514,711,28,144,8,15,228,102,182,0.11,0.703,0.187,0.8984,0,2,1,0,0,0,18.0,2,0,0,0,9,18,2,1,6,5,11,2,1,1,0,31,26,12,0,4,2,0,5,6,1,1,0,1,0,2,9,14,0,2,7,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,8,12,26,13,19,17,2,15,0,1,1,1,32,5,1,2,15,86,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850796637361894,0.11290153958360186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24813859841251146,0.0,0.11545870840149633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750618142554542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744274747284009,0.09693403511258283,0.0,0.0,0.12401445577481544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543942948399692,0.07089028328250004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607884465293144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060386360603464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3977356661551921,0.0,0.11981313686794927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083031920243893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118475695503517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26794691684037714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906836404489566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112240779825084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34489867196271085,0.10445763595537708,0.0,0.0,0.1920783588462805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31065578920272585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21811837580192533,0.2371909169441483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694204689741193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400931805404063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,megan_hunley,2020/01/08,"how do I stop from feeling this way Today was our first day being officially single... what’s he do, talks to his ex and all of her friends and posts his friends that are girls on his story. I can’t take it. It literally feels like my heart is physically breaking and I have no way to stop it, I can’t tear my mind away from him. This fucking sucks",0.6175684931506851,2.7846943698630184,2.355051369863016,94.43065924657536,84.75342465753424,5.293835616438357,20.08390410958904,6.6274283507984215,0.04522054794520525,271,8,63,3,8,89,54,73,0.121,0.747,0.131,0.204,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,1,1,5,2,0,0,0,9,2,1,1,1,10,14,4,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,2,12,3,7,12,2,11,0,0,0,1,12,2,2,0,6,43,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226716276613829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528469901673313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23967114578726464,0.16931461606902531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20159418484529465,0.0,0.0,0.3662150497907356,0.219104969872894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28084907494903194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578743821990267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23930493874978995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269828582839573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.396289364079422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781963664818463,0.19049361255625924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22465063508916472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762430674704984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fulltimeamer,2020/01/08,"I got diagnosed 2 days ago, Lamotrigine Hi, how is it going you all? I hope you are all doing fine. I’m 19 years old and I’ve been on antidepressants since I was almost 12-13 years old.. I went through a lot and it wasn’t such a pleasant journey to me. I’ve experienced almost every kind of mental issues. Depression, panic attacks, anxiety, seizures ( lasted for a while only ), mood swings. I hurt myself about 3 times back in high school, but not anymore, even though I still think about it & suiciding and just escaping everything. I believe that my psychiatric told me the diagnose by mistake, cause what happened is that she prescribed me Lamotrigine, then while she was finishing the paperwork I googled ‘Lamotrigine’ and searched about the purposes of describing it. I read that it’s mainly for seizures & bipolar disorder. Then I told her; “ but I don’t have the bipolar thing and definitely not the seizures” then she said that Lamotrigine can help with BPD too then she got kinda nervous and tried to change the topic. I felt happy that day after I left the clinic cause now finally I know that’s going on but the day after? I started to kinda panic. Now I feel kind of lost, full of regret, who am I? If BPD was controlling my behavior and attitude, then who am I? Every time I got angry, pushed a friend away, ruined a beautiful relationship, made my family scared of who I am, got In a fight, or did anything stupid, was not the real me.. And I’m also worried about that Lamotrigine is not effective for PBD, I’ve read some articles about that.. I don’t know why I’m writing here right now.. I just feel lost.. anything can you say that would help? And sorry for the long paragraphs, I’m writing on an iPad so the letters seem very small to me lol.",3.905566356720204,5.841651014792903,4.967561284868978,80.94818047337282,72.87573964497042,8.378867286559595,28.04775993237532,9.04235418022936,2.407869484361792,1385,54,261,30,28,454,182,338,0.16399999999999998,0.738,0.099,-0.9703,0,0,0,0,1,2,54.0,0,3,0,4,21,22,3,4,18,1,21,5,0,6,2,49,48,25,1,5,11,0,3,0,1,1,5,2,0,0,19,10,0,1,8,2,0,5,7,14,0,0,19,6,39,7,29,28,6,45,0,6,0,0,24,11,0,10,29,172,58,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949308735924032,0.0,0.17959675659719784,0.0,0.0,0.07171451804572955,0.0,0.19432958720823268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860251944369504,0.0,0.08893530544824259,0.0,0.0,0.14759275863595522,0.0,0.0,0.102020325346902,0.08425432142276666,0.06895593674783268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103506358312847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22588962310545266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842455870681003,0.09486618151912107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058017548598848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350238429537704,0.0,0.07723851095908413,0.182040162866874,0.0,0.0,0.10277740135966996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059230691775585716,0.0,0.1511131718723792,0.0,0.0805957406016293,0.0,0.08453932190580167,0.0,0.0906865861852458,0.0,0.0861038073909901,0.0982365695048681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928408625513056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019308032522132,0.0,0.2868909703127862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930091298941659,0.09546263908393783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021696007374393,0.094748480614302,0.0,0.0890693134979375,0.0,0.0,0.09600088719152217,0.0,0.0,0.09359929803615093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867692098441708,0.09856806659270034,0.07309857474837637,0.0,0.0,0.09743412391210753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936116095860113,0.0,0.0,0.1957856779866662,0.07624002282331713,0.0,0.08485437241017166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037313918513634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882014680661188,0.0,0.0,0.06820326021618799,0.0,0.21043284527749434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940216936577735,0.1020718503434476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627934069866327,0.0,0.0765835116149109,0.08530318862082044,0.07131460413306136,0.0897821379267142,0.0907577262817719,0.0,0.08163840604607217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418158960344991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038585452861694,0.06347371253943575,0.0,0.07161602178678893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980918825114026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05957729237693572,0.05746128325443396,0.0881070172534973,0.0,0.10458254614895264,0.0,0.0,0.17138008305566618,0.0,0.06088467210888825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399276562771845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313130766527069,0.08091937888196636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910711605403134,0.0,0.06370383774566353,0.0,0.0,0.11549785977924355 bpd,Eclipzewind,2020/01/08,"The “I don’t care” period It surprises me every single time. The feeling of it. The last couple of weeks have been a chaos, with emotions flooding. I’ve been crying and hating myself over so many things. But then it’s like somebody turns off the emotion switch. I don’t feel anything. I don’t care about anything. I’m not happy, but I don’t care about the things that should matter to me. I feel the emptiness eating me from the inside and out, and I think I just give up this period and time, just stop caring. It’s dangerous, I can feel it in my entire body, because when you don’t care about the things you should, then what’s the point in doing anything at all? I know a lot of people with borderline feel this. The emptiness and the sense of not caring. Sometimes it’s relieving, sometimes it’s like a nightmare. We’re people who sometimes don’t feel at all. And that’s the most scariest thing of all",2.426512605042017,4.5349636098901085,3.2380413703943134,90.91578215901748,77.73626373626374,5.601034259857791,21.694893341952167,6.522977012572876,0.3909575953458302,715,20,144,6,17,226,92,182,0.121,0.7040000000000001,0.175,0.8519,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,0,0,7,13,2,0,15,0,13,2,1,0,3,32,31,12,0,2,6,0,6,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,17,9,1,1,8,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,2,6,16,11,20,27,6,19,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,2,12,103,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556488022030853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312566745360512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502535023720888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6334823330303726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458073141064455,0.11374940506661102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596177927636463,0.0,0.23296903075109635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724886356963303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141606315704041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933860617166873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023535103168602,0.0,0.10223831464052524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056910669585653335,0.0844104785351469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118268401924213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803806137396214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498768584832306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435828605430248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978921725145106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30725319802056594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657593198858378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751871853412411,0.06635333771481126,0.0,0.0,0.12076655115704912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126372123664732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306491753676061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Max2713ger,2020/01/08,"How do I stop to think that my fp (my girlfriend (long distance relationship) hates if if she doesn't answer Everytime she doesnt answer or she doesnt write as usually I feel like she hates me, i annoy her she wants to break up with me Are there any ways to stop this?",0.9832738095238084,3.183568874999999,2.3785714285714303,94.63309523809528,83.46428571428572,5.8761904761904775,18.261904761904766,7.1686216300943375,0.07731904761904795,211,5,48,3,6,68,39,56,0.22,0.738,0.042,-0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,13,10,5,0,3,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,13,1,6,10,0,7,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,3,5,31,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190826923946798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418867072831026,0.2004704678990459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.554095823528432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370936689087304,0.0,0.0,0.2483342749627555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301274073835274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4692112003374216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798059144177987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090563219261642,0.0,0.16551321795419435,0.22273807640101775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DebbieWinner,2020/01/08,"How can I even live if I don’t have any sense of who I am or what I like? Feeling at the end of my rope here. Honestly, I can’t do anything in my life anymore it feels. Truly. I’m trying to move but I can think of myself in 15 different cities/towns and have real no sense of what I actually want or desire. I’m already a downright depressed and miserable human being, so I can’t afford to move somewhere and have it suck. I just can’t. I look into a new place to live, a job, and I cannot commit. Too much trepidation and fear of the unknown. Plus, I really don’t know what I like to do!!!! No clue!!! I don’t find enjoyment in many things, so How does one even find a job that is at most, tolerable? Please help people I feel completely at the end of my ropes",0.7801422764227652,2.3951955914634158,3.3520487804878063,90.50352032520328,80.89024390243901,6.568455284552847,20.68943089430894,7.554174236665415,0.568602113821139,583,16,136,9,15,204,94,164,0.145,0.687,0.168,-0.4491,4,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,0,9,8,1,2,7,0,17,1,0,2,1,26,27,14,0,3,5,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,7,0,0,7,0,0,2,9,4,0,1,0,4,19,4,18,26,2,13,0,2,1,0,3,8,1,4,5,92,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.14817373124477126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16755898327435007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325626356073972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058427045867118,0.0,0.0,0.124951209039881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15920113025211258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077938806716713,0.0,0.0,0.15864026241052992,0.0,0.0,0.13287602288339215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689699698394982,0.0,0.0,0.20057749765034927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17086197698387975,0.23032427929940555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775576332975797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177501015049163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013551233160006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344717726877049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072489336482439,0.1483625026968967,0.0,0.2681546316456146,0.0,0.12750718121906648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394171419539146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227633326021645,0.1116197160763866,0.0,0.0,0.14664781472003546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289057090271524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526659151723802,0.0,0.15864026241052992,0.16667449206444632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728269222314618,0.0972724571324445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087560911009497,0.0972928059883217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308924993761867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955904178714938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,eyeronyy,2020/01/08,"I can't get over him and it's like my happiness depends on him I am 17m and I was diagnosed with BPD last year. I met this guy in March, after my ex-boyfriend told me that he had been dating someone else during our relationship (1 month). I very much fear being alone, so I was devastated when he confessed (and I said some nasty things that made him ignore the fact that I ever existed in his life), but other than that I didn't have much of an emotional attachment to him. He was merely a source of affection to me as terrible as that makes me sound so I was able to get over him quickly. About three days after the breakup, I made a new friend online who to my luck happened to live in my city, I instantly admired him in a very ""I-would-totally-have-a-one-night-stand-with-you"" kind of way. He seemed intimidating yet charming. Initially, I just thought it would be a passing crush, but he was actually very genuine and kind. We spoke a lot, had a lot of inside jokes we created together, found out that we had a lot in common, etc. We hung out for the first time in April, and all I could think about was how much I longed for his affection. I think it was noticeable as he started catching on a few days after we saw each other. We started flirting and the excitement and happiness that came over me while we did was uncontrollable. Looking back, I got my hopes up. I was flirting in a very ""impulsive hopeless romantic"" kind of way while he was flirting in a ""let's test the waters and see where it goes"" kind of way. I think I crossed a few boundaries within the first week, because I got ahead of myself and told friends about him. He never expressed that it was a crossed boundary, but now acknowledging how he flirted with me it's apparent to me that it did. I just couldn't help it. He made me feel so happy. We had a fling that lasted about two months and in those two months I swear I'd never felt so happy and giddy and fulfilled. For the first time in 11 years I didn't feel empty. He abruptly told me that he wanted to keep things between us platonic. It was numbing at first, but then I was broken. I felt like my world fell apart. I felt like the whole time I was in a dream and then I woke up and I was all alone again. We still talk, but it's obviously not the same. I remember seeing that he had a boyfriend about a month after he ended things with me, and I blew up at him. I told him he never cared about me, I told him that I hated him, but then I told him that I hated him because I loved him. Despite my episode, he still cared about my wellbeing and talked to me. I've been in 4 relationships since he left, and I've been unable to have a connection with any of them. I found reasons to stop talking to them as early as three weeks in. I feel empty again and my happiness depends on how he talks to me or if he talks to me. I've even asked everybody I started a relationship with after him if they'd call me the nicknames he used to call me. I just needed something familiar and unique to him. This is bad and it's unhealthy and I don't know what to do...",4.131360313918595,4.54393404416404,5.0697537893360005,86.2569843040702,70.54574132492114,8.393567746403017,27.766253750865587,8.407314429234152,1.656255797491728,2400,78,527,35,41,786,264,634,0.111,0.7290000000000001,0.161,0.9903,1,2,1,0,0,1,76.0,11,0,3,5,29,36,2,2,29,0,41,5,0,13,8,105,93,48,0,8,13,0,6,3,2,1,3,3,0,1,35,39,1,3,18,2,0,6,9,9,0,8,50,13,100,27,79,36,15,96,1,1,4,1,80,31,0,12,59,367,135,1,0.05913096470468381,0.0,0.05770329180756663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248369293630748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04021108368636447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527946990538669,0.0,0.0,0.04546806192127647,0.04937188562636523,0.07209137450040698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744733800679993,0.0,0.1207586524033449,0.06763007095342084,0.12057591877727805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047211263786300826,0.0,0.0,0.07626916090372507,0.0,0.0,0.06001668447822538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049396333491096435,0.0665143764825054,0.05237248372817989,0.0,0.06594665621033581,0.0390554445100337,0.05348734288700395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653877467951297,0.08969517732415254,0.0,0.17032499727012632,0.0,0.0,0.2011870734829469,0.0,0.12966810147320568,0.0913688733002775,0.0,0.061786977035262036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458486838152368,0.0,0.0,0.05854895161466465,0.05228931680534207,0.3147300573197839,0.0,0.11675917144888133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03963423921430819,0.0,0.0,0.05873039004922366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052558318333236764,0.0,0.2463032016876936,0.03249683179337176,0.09639925667809013,0.0,0.0,0.06424596616650664,0.06046541765596861,0.041765949081297465,0.08666520760293693,0.0,0.052213725163728936,0.052329043020700884,0.04965511783792452,0.0,0.0,0.15081309494584172,0.05336800427297517,0.16785344559145607,0.039470378099842336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18879108753987545,0.0,0.13040418826182645,0.04384486108278983,0.1368163358657894,0.05710905418014694,0.0,0.05549040473394308,0.0,0.0,0.06732099523367775,0.0,0.0,0.040068672005288464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06079647996467957,0.0,0.1904535808411342,0.06698385611773358,0.0,0.056247088288822314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423944631564947,0.05383060946342361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04891374504624348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05010147450704535,0.045521905507224215,0.0,0.0,0.12555960349014084,0.0,0.0944441295914829,0.04943613420244565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376361479424557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178519564806716,0.11366620373715948,0.0,0.046943380982667066,0.10343922311376892,0.0,0.0,0.3390130246628889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552472090251635,0.0,0.0711272699360805,0.05107016814980854,0.0,0.1951569543078301,0.03487697501329067,0.14080622238817145,0.09486258632257903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660176104042902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840098815518975,0.0,0.0,0.07615680516997124 bpd,trickpurpose,2020/01/08,"I need to get this out. Any advice would be appreciated. So this is gonna be long. Thank you in advance to anyone who gets through it all. this is a bit stupid bc we’ve never actually met in person. so it all started back in august. we found each other through discord. she got my snap (i later found out she originally only wanted it bc someone else told her they had a crush on me so she wanted to see me a mess around a bit). we’d mostly thirst traps to each other and chat a bit some days. nothing much just some flirting here and there. i’ve already decided i’m going to get this girl to like me and the freaking out if she leaves me on read or takes a while to get back to me are kicking in. after a few weeks of talking i find out she’s still super in love with her ex and they’d tried to break up a month ago but we’re acting like it hadn’t happened. but now her ex had left for college and it’s over for good. she’s super upset saying she’s deleting snap chat but gave me her number so we could still talk. of course i, being too nice and willing to be a doormat, decide i’m going to do whatever i can to help her get over her ex. i really did care about her by then. so she vents to me about all of it and i give her advice or just let her complain. whatever she needs. and she tells me she appreciates it and is grateful for me. then it gets to the point where we’re texting each other every day from morning til one of us falls asleep at night. by then i know i like this girl but i know nothing can happen bc neither of us do ldr. so about a month after texting all the time we facetime each other and it’s awkward bc i’m shy about it and hate facetime. but i listen to her talk about science and explain stuff to me (she used to do it with her ex but her ex wouldn’t listen. i actually enjoyed it and she liked that). so eventually she’s like wow i miss you how can i miss someone who’s never been near me. and of course i’m like i miss you too, bc i do. i miss her all the time already. i hate thinking about who she’s with when she’s not talking to me but i know it’s wrong and i shouldn’t. a few days after this we’re talking late at night and she’s like i like you. i think wow she’s messing with me right? but i just said yeah? i like you too. bc i really did. and she said no i really like you. so we basically admit our feelings for each other but agree we can’t do anything about it bc we’re far away from each other. i also know she’s still seeing other girls casually and i hates the jealousy i felt. we continue to text nonstop. facetime each other every day. talk about our future together as if it could ever happen. i tell her about my last relationship. how it messed me up, my trust issues how i don’t want to be someone’s second choice, etc. bc i’m terrified of her leaving me even though we can’t be together. and she promises me she won’t hurt me. that she wants to make things better for me and be there for me. she wants my good days and my bad days. eventually i start to really trust her. she got an interview for med school near me and said she wants to see me if i’d like to. she said i can spend the night and we can mess around and just spend the day together before interview. blah blah blah it’s like this for a month. then around christmas time she hits me saying she’s starting to get serious with this girl. i just go completely numb. just the other day we were talking about how things would be, us being married, her coming over to my parents house for the holidays and how we’d all get along and do all this cute stuff together. she apologized and said she could give me space if i needed it and she still wants to be friends but if i didn’t that was okay. i didnt know what to do with myself. i wanted to die. i relapsed after two years of being clean ||self harm|| . things were terrible. i was so mad at her and i got so depressed. but eventually i started to get used to. or talking so much every day. i actually started to feel a bit better, realizing it wasn’t worth the roller coaster of emotions i felt when we were talking all the time. then we kind of crawl back to each other. taking all the time again. i tell her how it all made me feel and she apologizes again. all the stuff i wrote earlier. then we get soft again with each other again one night and sends me a long winded message about how she still has feeling for me (i’ll show it after this) but i just don’t know what to do. i want to believe her. i want to believe she meant what she said and she wasn’t using me. how do i deal with this? i hate it.",0.17608946047795015,2.3249121130524166,2.175411238576708,95.07875494199236,86.65673175745121,4.945155227169616,18.32383359721489,6.336975233470515,-0.2025602640667397,3558,93,812,35,111,1183,315,973,0.102,0.743,0.154,0.995,1,0,0,0,0,0,88.0,19,6,2,5,66,60,6,2,28,2,62,4,2,14,14,173,161,84,1,25,28,6,7,15,1,7,1,10,1,6,59,70,1,0,23,7,3,8,17,26,0,4,34,20,169,34,114,101,33,109,0,6,3,1,143,31,0,11,81,577,228,5,0.0,0.0,0.12610688858755575,0.0,0.0,0.0841860710393411,0.03818397274298916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507012189053014,0.03444758900808291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029292925305613726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0301195023917304,0.0,0.03544759714356973,0.11503940746919004,0.0,0.0,0.04047099967506804,0.09936756880560878,0.035966376065135516,0.0,0.0,0.03665421320978523,0.09706303383361818,0.0,0.07619383991011501,0.18810985289507984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04391850528012824,0.0,0.0,0.03710586612287122,0.04516400900271938,0.0,0.0,0.10317722604511864,0.0,0.0,0.2500221289496141,0.04440911307158515,0.037101002051191725,0.0,0.044705733361524336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035984185818312996,0.04845431864628412,0.0,0.0,0.0480407464168745,0.0284510665699344,0.03896439977110233,0.1088793018531097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712139005001543,0.0,0.08271877577548839,0.0,0.039370372023031015,0.0,0.0,0.0944604736495419,0.03328014735587315,0.0,0.22505253990050306,0.08264419458331136,0.073442669212188,0.07225963826068138,0.10335461882170596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142749892099917,0.0,0.0,0.17011318146380716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028872706289267483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049703527136282365,0.04611338396328818,0.0,0.0,0.0449597966779669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044856670276817855,0.14203953424639432,0.03511241138653435,0.048591219692392565,0.09122180667531864,0.04680182963436605,0.04404777988039255,0.0,0.2525350943246726,0.0,0.0,0.07624120555793094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0388774641109225,0.040759230152819285,0.028753336927725737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04784734653207054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314774034950568,0.0,0.06333113155379763,0.0958201662072111,0.06644520763418857,0.0,0.0,0.16169435210728889,0.0,0.0826645132994917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05837836280667366,0.032760979798266664,0.0,0.0,0.04783042175418187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03761200400806862,0.0,0.0,0.040720421119516466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04308731597087534,0.0,0.1103814809025343,0.0,0.0,0.04624713724272513,0.0,0.03678637749784459,0.24584889610345603,0.06851098607072394,0.0,0.04359486669448144,0.10297716980092783,0.0,0.04493730687862898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949359847272587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524458660505412,0.0,0.1720013849449638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793397167618808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477506960116249,0.3116032478655805,0.1129500740324746,0.039658279488860027,0.0,0.0,0.08585266155061122,0.05520228604656008,0.042321616344701586,0.0,0.12558881609093214,0.0,0.0,0.041160638223268736,0.0,0.02924554495871374,0.0,0.04207865978872902,0.0,0.15544414234250187,0.1116106170596515,0.0,0.0,0.2540713978063018,0.0,0.03455269543490232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06119942462698851,0.04709647108003917,0.0,0.027739312160276662 bpd,Spent_Leaf,2020/01/08,"I have made so much progress so why does it feel like I can never be happy I have been on medication for almost a year. I have not had an angry outburst for months. I barely ever cry until I start hyperventilating anymore. I have a loving, supportive, kind boyfriend. I have a new job that I wanted for ages. I am controlling my emotions a lot better. And yet... I always feel like something is missing. Like I cannot be completely happy. I always come up with a new goal/task/dream to focus on but when I reach it I dont feel happy. I have this idea in my head that I need to do something meaningful with my life but nothing seems to have any meaning. So I follow my goals only to be indifferent when i reach them. I dont understand. Am I unable to be happy... I dont know if anyone here feels the same but I would be thankful for any new perspective or shared experiences. I am just a bit lost",1.8657955641272888,3.81336286338798,3.9546833815493407,85.88259402121504,78.8360655737705,6.491674702667954,22.240115718418522,7.510576382923642,0.8974817743490839,696,21,144,10,17,238,104,183,0.096,0.727,0.177,0.8774,2,0,2,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,5,9,15,0,0,8,0,25,4,1,2,2,31,44,12,0,4,7,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,10,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,4,4,29,13,16,34,4,19,0,2,0,1,3,4,0,5,16,103,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662691118156296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720405460439448,0.0,0.0,0.14482359632275432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560209543431022,0.07445508788066066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417517880425183,0.11625138628092613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172530432723673,0.11164494737016904,0.0,0.11942925519778387,0.0,0.0,0.11696610168477732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931836134459657,0.0,0.3743903324397983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977855762972828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631957963459392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416038459518223,0.0,0.0,0.21536314471915646,0.15214233671627694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4534106976815842,0.0,0.0,0.10928183571179936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020585896365545,0.0,0.0,0.1056675189085199,0.0,0.0,0.11088520932574464,0.058520034999798125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521178733909177,0.15606601327896472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623830236604656,0.09052767205918467,0.09610467561212807,0.10075638114823067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599073375300463,0.0,0.10726998543457217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499337043632119,0.0,0.07827694003859642,0.07895547545805627,0.08212592142642022,0.30852458516672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217289652194844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098479178747005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693773134224552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395096731144215,0.0,0.0,0.07536891019124421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083515708941706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803484287806774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085210933001984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280617788965967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608395595100952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564216167295244,0.0,0.0,0.06857128307702502 bpd,katealice_4,2020/01/08,"TW; I’m getting closer to ending it and I’m scared.. I don’t even know how to start this,I’m sitting here popping pills with any alcohol I can find.. I’ve been cutting, not really deep ones but I am seriously struggling. TW; rape. I was raped a few years ago and the case got dropped on Monday for ‘insufficient evidence’, the same day I had a bailiff come to my house threatening to “come into the property with or without me being there”, I’ve nowhere to go and no money because I can’t work.. Like I have £3 in my bank.. I’m only 24 and life has just been one thing after another. Pure and simple - I don’t want to feel this pain anymore but I am terrified of dying. The drunker I get, the more courage I’m getting but holy shit I can’t deal with my head. I’ve got nothing so genuinely, what is the point? Can someone please help me?",0.4336206896551715,2.6619431091954056,2.586908045977012,92.01139655172415,86.29885057471266,5.778850574712644,23.067816091954022,7.1686216300943375,0.8865940229885054,647,25,142,10,20,218,117,174,0.226,0.691,0.083,-0.9855,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,4,2,8,0,16,8,2,1,1,25,32,11,1,1,7,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,11,1,0,3,0,2,3,7,8,0,2,6,1,16,2,16,25,3,18,0,0,0,2,2,6,1,1,8,82,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794409823760066,0.17836210952799447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134956660547092,0.17500603016955638,0.0,0.0,0.1655169525189714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173884680080998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875339315698231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763474175078472,0.17206345267239428,0.0,0.0,0.17321271028394247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782118209076806,0.0,0.0,0.11023387786069806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438812518874385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254081144020365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26159034285746074,0.0,0.09485139696256913,0.0,0.2669655142693469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712844459980206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186752422006856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19257670098655547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172221265718483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788426908266435,0.08153743163107366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014214862685955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261874190030838,0.1269326700565676,0.17759014837642806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18320276018952586,0.15777158712455674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069184757448708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16709298726045302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17131734633306642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141126520866093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813053782905998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17447695535541616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087893411802532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844015993155536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088272804504666,0.0,0.12150298544085456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747617988589046 bpd,pussonfiretires,2020/01/08,"I didn’t realize how badly a long distance relationship would affect me. In hindsight I probably should have seen it coming. You’d think finally entering a relationship with someone you’ve really liked for months would have you glowing and happy, but I almost feel more alone and miserable than when I was actually alone. After being alone for my whole life, and then getting a taste of what it feels like to have someone around you who cares about you, and then just having to fly 1500 miles back home to be alone again - with no idea when you’re going to get to see each other again - it’s really tearing me up. Communicating through social media leaves too much room for me to assume things (usually bad things) and it’s just not an authentic enough way of conveying how you feel. There’ve been times where I had just been bawling about how terribly I feel about our relationship, and I have to respond “hey I’m doing good” I never cry, and ever since we entered a relationship and I flew back home it’s all I’ve been doing. I don’t want to tell him how unhappy I am, I don’t want to break up, I feel trapped and I have no idea what to do. Does anyone else have experience with long distance relationships?",4.802785982478099,6.1787389957446806,5.517772215269086,80.12411764705884,69.68085106382978,8.933667083854822,27.015018773466835,9.325443323948027,2.205868585732166,964,31,186,20,17,313,135,235,0.16399999999999998,0.748,0.08800000000000001,-0.9672,0,5,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,5,0,0,20,9,0,1,5,0,25,2,0,5,3,45,42,18,0,5,5,0,5,2,0,3,1,0,3,0,11,16,1,0,10,0,0,5,7,4,0,0,8,9,26,5,28,28,6,31,0,1,3,0,18,7,0,2,19,132,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.093692410447177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614065950723548,0.3977517424809964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713278264552805,0.09837411598031147,0.0,0.08546971147194729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765231536434734,0.1603295350318268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978891161859576,0.0,0.0,0.08270455510528985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546303959622984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840194464295005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020446333404094,0.0,0.0,0.09920452456624597,0.0,0.0,0.08684700519704022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391670412787552,0.0,0.0,0.2427289993845388,0.06858992926264162,0.0,0.10517482340851757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032306011212627,0.0,0.05456498677617511,0.08052906263701573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220497578823398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19261274436870726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167683641838037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166126983804256,0.0,0.0,0.06781506429634375,0.09381177338839924,0.0,0.0,0.16993256444896898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663467502661378,0.0,0.07057877374600577,0.0,0.07404922604511016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351557107593504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230135855025926,0.0,0.0,0.5153967970842368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650794788247002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942088802601496,0.0,0.0,0.09787062653179944,0.16269879122935332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391741969703888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757023655210847,0.06151965962952743,0.0,0.0,0.05598450189307636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574201517683338,0.0,0.11325897555371953,0.07620867584414605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719230839321883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640622670589078,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,birdychirp,2020/01/08,My Therapist is Saying I was Misdiagnosed and don't seem to have the actual criteria. So I was diagnosed with BPD by my original therapist and switched within the building to the one to work with BPD patients. I started DBT and now am super confused. She said she thinks I was misdiagnosed. I made really fast progress I am to consistent with my sense of self feel more guilt and don't feel as scared of abandonment as I should along with avoiding things to much and actually hate it when I get told I'm a valid human being due to the amount of guilt I hold. She's going to talk to the other therapists in the building(the type of company I go to) to get their opinions. I'm honestly super frustrated because I was learning skills and I was able to finally get my emotions in check. And I'm not sure what to do now or what she meant now what could be going on. Is this common? I was told I show the symptoms by the last doctor and now the new one is saying I don't. I'm worried I won't be eligible for treatment to get my life together if I cant receive the help I need. Also wondering how it is one doctor can see the symptoms and the other cannot? She also said that she may or may not be trained in what she thinks I may have and is going to see if she can find someone who can help her or switch me. I'm fine with switching but am worried the other doctor may stop me from attending skills group which I need.,5.2078585817888765,5.009365551369863,6.26293311845286,80.75362207896859,68.14383561643837,9.74730056406124,30.8751007252216,9.478462496947786,2.5447483481063657,1119,40,234,21,17,375,141,292,0.077,0.86,0.063,-0.4449,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,6,9,13,2,5,14,0,36,7,0,3,1,51,67,23,0,6,8,0,2,0,0,6,7,4,0,2,14,16,0,4,9,1,1,6,8,8,0,3,12,8,37,5,35,44,3,25,0,1,2,0,24,5,0,13,14,168,51,6,0.10250785183856978,0.0,0.2000657529180904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639509841604749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06248783503731002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582101018664174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184417855327868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404331184281862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31476338995912195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153075361387337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366209981181172,0.0,0.0,0.1122923411449399,0.09369031949413616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142244869203719,0.0,0.23303029797692734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120528142447202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741770462922678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355758078916634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240432727091567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699540794582193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535506580594999,0.15201654653205027,0.0,0.09900272207254633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20838591998961647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566915475134842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950168823207053,0.16303671629187394,0.10262824232974703,0.0,0.16337097235804526,0.09331929838816667,0.1069380455994142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685457021226775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725555851363576,0.0,0.0,0.0857011541348072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966124372272561,0.21308981523147186,0.0,0.08239192837942708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35705855032970923,0.06810166187400478,0.13136578474502145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959012906184731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111653926267268,0.07462693700110187,0.20820339878321348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SJ0823,2020/01/08,"I’m training to be a suicide hotline worker...is this a huge mistake? Suicide hotlines have save my life once before years ago and I’ve been wanting to give back now that I’m in a better spot. I still deal with BPD symptoms but my depressive symptoms have diminished significantly. Impulsively I signed up for training and paid my $250 and now I’m on my way to being a crisis worker. Was this a bad idea?",3.079417989417987,5.016493061728396,4.656190476190479,82.29,75.17283950617283,6.603880070546737,28.855379188712522,7.447530270364453,1.7944342151675483,322,14,61,4,7,108,56,81,0.256,0.677,0.067,-0.9609,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,5,0,6,3,0,0,0,10,12,4,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,6,2,8,7,0,11,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,6,36,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18926214696126464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417463540750185,0.17827043818413618,0.0,0.0,0.18167976218591936,0.0,0.0,0.18883066232623708,0.0,0.0,0.2689061179118948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201175907270407,0.18389430952838928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20481653134945074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410247822388685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508071638228691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273792768708311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17050793333688313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46708665873504207,0.0,0.0,0.44383356473095903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125932674826506,0.16947288013367992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749228792979934 bpd,nikitamerchant,2020/01/08,Emptiness and BPD Do you feel empty and disconnected? Like nothing matters? A consistent blah feeling?,5.2974999999999985,7.671593749999999,5.145,65.30000000000001,111.5,6.6000000000000005,41.5,7.1686216300943375,5.236925000000001,84,6,9,2,4,26,15,16,0.306,0.4370000000000001,0.257,-0.2542,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6488062115721639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5209448722289857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516734837272761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4942948487616259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sha2i3a,2020/01/08,"How do I cope with abandonment? Im a (22F) who has been recently diagnosed with “silent” BPD, and it was basically a light bulb moment as my behaviour and ways of thinking and processing emotions make a lot more sense now. That being said, I am usually aloof at the start of any relationship. It’s always them pursuing me and me giving in at some point. I never really disclose my emotions to them, though I do get attached and start to care deeply for them. However, whenever I start to feel like I want them around and am finally comfortable with them, they always end up leaving. The most recent one was actively pursuing me for about 8 months, until something finally happened and we began causally hooking up (we are also part of the same friend circle). It seemed like he was far more interested in me than I was, until I finally reached the same level of interest. He ended up distancing himself and now I understand it was because he started seeing someone else. This broke me, and three months later, it is still something that hurts and haunts me, especially since I have to see him all the time since we’re technically friends. This is a trend in my life, where whenever I start considering letting my guard down, they leave me, and I’m left with this unbearable feeling of abandonment for a very long time. My question is, how do I cope with such feelings, as I am always left asking myself what is it about me that makes them all leave, after clearly being so interested in me at the start?",8.550364741641339,7.58416221276596,8.501175278622089,69.99000000000002,61.624113475177296,12.170618034447825,37.87335359675785,11.35114627814755,4.324126849037487,1192,50,212,29,14,388,157,282,0.057999999999999996,0.809,0.132,0.9620000000000001,1,0,2,0,0,0,32.0,2,0,8,0,13,13,0,0,11,0,22,2,0,4,4,43,47,20,0,1,0,0,3,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,14,19,0,3,7,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,8,7,40,9,37,36,10,48,0,4,2,0,23,18,0,5,31,158,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760200570417607,0.23729450747502104,0.0,0.0,0.06464457794507111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462423224845671,0.08886898022777631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05794815820444028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972570200268465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969207823456328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964846724355504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941106873597446,0.21386112488429054,0.1683912392389139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441967325987375,0.06791142738012051,0.0,0.3124032547740867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688741785429682,0.0,0.04966532466645187,0.09119094495872444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406191791005325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176451183434716,0.0,0.10268193548874184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019668638616337,0.20656759215447207,0.09720606972768553,0.06714422749445452,0.0928837732354476,0.0,0.0,0.08412578299872525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081726046318778,0.0,0.0,0.12690759361264925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517531866213381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733167199788267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441563253565584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294154166250184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986314646124591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648980913823368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06089835831903745,0.0,0.18772206855515902,0.10205968291090446,0.0,0.0,0.0904245533751446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150223954093933,0.08653974750919201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727048934517804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054467517452049,0.1463648377010938,0.0,0.0,0.4037069797908984,0.0,0.07591564734303984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060911097916176486,0.09339671603341557,0.0,0.11086138958287788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896160575918678,0.0,0.0,0.10469599928017996,0.07843508423371102,0.05606930037798264,0.07545480817609966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,darthchubbz,2020/01/08,"DAE want to disappear from their fp? Sometimes I feel an overwhelming urge to just stop talking to my fp. I still love her and I'm still obsessed with her but it's like if I leave, maybe she will chase after me? I feel like things between us just aren't like they used to be. Like she doesn't care about me like she used to. And I can feel her slipping away from me. Such as not texting me as much, not saying the same kind of things she used to, etc. And maybe if I disappear, she will see the changes and love me again when I come back to her. I know rationally how petty and ridiculous this is, but that doesn't stop me from thinking about it all the time. I create these scenarios in my head of me isolating myself and her finding me and I can tell her everything that is wrong with me and everything will be perfect again. I just don't know if I'm alone in this.",1.536512837179071,3.4453574254143646,2.44854078648034,96.4713292167696,79.7182320441989,6.026779330516738,21.144296392590185,7.048011613610866,0.2674534286642833,678,19,158,8,17,213,92,181,0.13,0.7020000000000001,0.16699999999999998,0.9094,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,2,1,13,14,1,2,4,0,13,3,1,4,2,38,30,17,0,4,10,0,3,5,0,3,0,1,0,0,9,11,0,2,7,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,0,5,37,10,23,25,4,16,0,1,1,2,19,3,0,3,15,116,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421826069782426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898082838210592,0.105561277966643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996800765523246,0.0,0.14522600706006222,0.11825616833754192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310556494013125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467601711419997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20824150284161452,0.09807418963582873,0.0,0.0,0.12547313478818065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089079621982506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429579337604348,0.15089304223763814,0.0,0.0,0.14536166991129726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353449169679503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24780448057533425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27583616461056937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091796441609907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917204674487743,0.0,0.0,0.109395870063396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357752717961759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21926694463875876,0.22954756739691395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034196052300804,0.11999039832221355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824079381040196,0.08796467396452215,0.0,0.0,0.08005015771782588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513317690406315,0.3557023537884144,0.0,0.0,0.08097239905206588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15009616521826466,0.0,0.0 bpd,tthingy,2020/01/08,BPD & Gender Dysphoria - any correlation? Is there any relation between BPD and Gender Dysphoria? Can BPD lead to Gender Dysphoria? Would it be genuine? Someone with experiences on that?,5.4339999999999975,9.059227733333335,6.416666666666668,59.74500000000001,88.33333333333334,10.4,36.0,9.3871,5.927200000000001,152,9,18,6,5,50,23,30,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,12,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24549388618537074,0.0,0.3081574994435381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8560897322189699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22163379775762035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919762374840032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095235849338246,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Nienna27,2020/01/08,"Does anyone else want a jealous partner? I really don't understand how on Earth can a person not be jealous and possessive when it comes to romantic relationships. I've been with my current SO for two years and I'm still jealous as heck. Always afraid another woman might steal him from me. He on the contrary is not jealous at all, he's just happy when I go out with friends... I always think that maybe he considers me such a loser that no one else would want me? I've always had this problem with men. No one is ever afraid of losing me.",3.1919444444444447,4.980778009259262,4.495555555555558,84.20500000000001,74.46296296296295,7.392592592592592,25.88888888888889,8.167268648758528,1.6739000000000002,427,15,83,7,9,141,77,108,0.254,0.672,0.07400000000000001,-0.9682,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,8,12,4,2,4,0,9,0,0,1,2,20,16,7,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,4,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,10,0,3,2,0,9,2,12,11,1,12,0,2,0,0,10,4,1,1,6,56,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4565003341132528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19176054425655767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787055980870055,0.187377206565508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575307523878932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003527973040196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055374504534525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542104668730595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14128889041938314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393216443693226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467400209347246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20459051978967974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372267238891732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19400163898346925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478418745342332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967953074016614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498682464857596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715450650502555,0.0,0.0,0.19633947639190466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604433429699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717901457481747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786424527605057,0.1903794848610571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215729008044906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299092625310435,0.0,0.0,0.11776560344558497 bpd,xxkkddxx,2020/01/08,"I don't need to pay to ride a roller coaster because my whole life is one. Except I can't get off of it. It's a very bumpy ride with no end in sight. Just have to ride it out, I suppose. It may be free but I'd pay to get off...",-2.3741212121212136,-0.9613287454545444,0.6431818181818194,106.77810606060606,91.0,3.6666666666666665,14.62121212121212,3.1291,-1.6670606060606064,169,3,51,0,6,59,39,55,0.033,0.8690000000000001,0.098,0.2828,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,7,9,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,1,3,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,4,2,11,7,1,8,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,1,32,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557089137511422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3715315741276828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4383182007873752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962885794694841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31103642783192104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842480578273693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461119526633161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4683304087878598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cleopatrabutlesscool,2020/01/08,"DAE dread job searching? I’ve been procrastinating job hunting for a month now. I’m in a weird part of college between in class and my work term (I messed my workterm up the first time by being too ill, thanks BPD brain! 😞) anyway in the meantime I need some work, even part time. I’ve been applying online but I know my best bet would be to go hand out resumes in person, however this gives me SO much anxiety. Like I said, it’s been a month now of telling myself daily I will get up and go out and do it and I just can’t seem to! So frustrated and feeling like a waste of space ugh.",2.788211382113821,3.7371377398374017,4.034308943089432,90.48040650406506,74.04065040650406,7.0926829268292675,25.04878048780488,7.3871296695380915,0.9080341463414632,454,14,104,5,9,149,84,123,0.16699999999999998,0.6759999999999999,0.157,0.4143,3,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,4,8,9,1,1,6,0,9,3,2,0,0,16,20,8,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,2,1,1,0,1,3,7,0,0,3,0,1,2,1,5,0,1,4,3,11,4,16,12,6,19,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,3,10,65,14,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841185504958808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898761075234675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278764834295856,0.20197903088243085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195033358980034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148423938217204,0.12925726888382352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389996658847502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452907223818936,0.17356567144913512,0.20565471471368915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3590925497434885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943504303033912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678766763121798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888350783337127,0.0,0.13300523318292548,0.13415817505371955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3918616657991295,0.0,0.0,0.15798212477289347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210698199419844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16471294809227108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581418234196189,0.16657711876089665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110048484468024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634401032339172,0.0,0.0,0.12852831685565194,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,expermint606,2020/01/08,"so I used to visit the psychologist at my college but recently she’s on vacation, so i tried visiting a psychiatrist today and i couldn’t feel comfortable he was kinda judgmental, i couldn’t feel free telling him more he had kind of rigid way of thinking i thought that people in this field are more open and can understand what their patient is going through, i couldn’t feel that way with him. I don’t think i want to comeback. he described some pills to help me with my nervousness but i don’t think i want to take them either... now I’m just feeling soooooo desperate and lonely and my friends are busy with their own lives and my family are not at home... i feel so lonely so desperate i want to disappear. I wish i didn’t go today i wish today never happened.",2.869558270676692,5.032139019736842,4.015338345864663,85.61236842105264,76.5657894736842,7.76390977443609,26.646616541353367,8.634040054169528,2.040051127819549,609,24,121,13,14,198,90,152,0.12300000000000001,0.691,0.18600000000000005,0.8768,0,4,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,3,0,6,8,0,2,2,0,13,1,0,1,1,37,34,11,0,8,5,0,5,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,4,9,0,1,10,0,1,5,8,4,0,0,4,5,26,5,15,27,5,18,0,2,0,0,14,5,0,2,6,80,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495784217740534,0.0,0.3887460755391503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118800002346455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17477865870883533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597564979824042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306677846809942,0.0,0.15424083785212933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601246676331102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577907766428188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859458941757425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066026763540114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518263613766828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561364705393735,0.0,0.13439913508197662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955830532419659,0.0,0.12207382162989727,0.0,0.0,0.4372594079512982,0.0,0.0,0.10439769910169597,0.0,0.0,0.16007686932126752,0.0,0.13280531710382118,0.0,0.0,0.2720872807394201,0.24410617381166616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536489214899509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Capricia_,2020/01/08,"I finally broke up with my FP I have been wanting to break up with him and for the 23rd time of trying to break up and making him accept that we are over. I finally did it. I didn't even feel pain nor guilt by doing this though I know for sure this has affected him more than me. I'm finally free and I can now just worry about myself.... And I'm gonna regret this in a few hours.",3.398928571428569,2.947528654761907,5.009619047619047,89.06871428571432,71.97619047619048,8.624761904761906,22.752380952380953,8.238735603445708,0.8245552380952388,293,5,72,4,5,100,60,84,0.11599999999999999,0.737,0.146,0.3851,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,2,0,8,1,0,2,1,16,15,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,3,1,13,4,15,11,2,13,0,2,0,0,4,5,0,0,6,54,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540803533131552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795422965113933,0.0,0.0,0.7666460520973407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22973546945744186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282055136510998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571733670743682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24822816123147146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21986522805438205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291980718243584,0.0,0.13602842696885448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583829516196857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375955823818961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23690887565278326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Sunvmikey,2020/01/08,"Being a psychologist with BPD I am wondering if there are any psychologists with BPD on this subreddit. I am starting university soon for a Bachelor of Psychological Science and i am beginning to have doubts that it is a good idea with my BPD to try and take on other peoples problems everyday and forming interpersonal relationships with multiple people. I feel pressured to do something with my life as i have never had a job but i do like the field of psychology and i want to help people also. I also feel like a 4 year degree will set me into a good routine and psychology looks like a promising career. Any input on being a psychologist with BPD would be greatly appreciated. I am an incredibly empathetic person and feel like this could potentially be a problem for me in this field as well as i get attached to people far too easily.",7.662222222222222,7.932529178343952,9.1763906581741,60.34290162774241,62.94904458598728,12.073319179051664,37.189667374380754,11.645159339076185,4.755723849964613,679,31,111,20,9,239,93,157,0.05,0.7040000000000001,0.24600000000000002,0.9878,1,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,13,0,2,11,0,18,1,0,0,1,27,28,13,0,6,2,0,3,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,6,13,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,4,14,9,23,20,1,13,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,3,10,88,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968193485369497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736772126605448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6199504601358716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825203542926657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18666591473122454,0.17582574145961358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429288023526034,0.0,0.0,0.2064309192240686,0.0,0.13567220497021448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248338136261009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891783665376886,0.0,0.0,0.12211636985000092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691971321605055,0.2404802686192664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033379750040034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491014361625387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412525098261165,0.10744975685091043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355003383770944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211855583965926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473628778396156,0.0,0.0,0.08710129477037798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252452324997916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354850473035258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725829708813219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106441861557636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345147190596304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874170822455361,0.0,0.0,0.07924550752982555 bpd,iceover,2020/01/08,"Guys say I’m not girlfriend material Anyone else have this problem? I’ve had so many “things” with different guys but it never lasts because I seem to scare them away or I push them away myself and I know what the problem is but I always end up doing it again and again. I mention other guys, make them jealous or insecure on purpose, I party a lot and am always doing something. I’ve tried to stop playing mind-games but it’s like an addiction for me. In a way I want a serious relationship but when i’m in a relationship I constantly fantasize about being single and randomly feel suffocated. Idk if this is like a weird way of protecting myself from getting hurt or am I just toxic lol",2.8139309954751117,5.10657511029412,4.715,79.89153846153849,77.30882352941177,7.714027149321268,26.63800904977376,8.617729084823388,2.2511545248868776,549,22,101,12,13,187,90,136,0.20800000000000002,0.675,0.11699999999999999,-0.9239,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,3,0,7,11,1,2,7,1,9,1,0,1,1,26,17,14,0,4,10,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,3,8,5,0,2,3,1,0,1,2,8,0,0,1,2,15,3,13,15,2,17,0,1,0,0,11,6,0,7,10,73,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220438649729535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24761242019314075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403827692871637,0.15245418285456805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27958848834984473,0.0,0.0,0.09070174348797487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16079044410883506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554551508291475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429596746086725,0.0,0.13178485270563658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523330885877133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773726858152903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44198008660355215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928407277439016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177176040602838,0.12128469892883255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453837435949992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649696996532375,0.0,0.0,0.09931929123546036,0.1508509380627048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023671130084745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147569575108544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284746195666949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194921621905696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832474601974835,0.14896596281270608,0.0,0.0,0.13545393371089734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454674640380927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439611796948087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885027162027092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101946791064098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877609135132842,0.23620708123208406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,louisagoth,2020/01/08,"My track record for getting blocked by men I’ve been romantically involved with is.... embarrassing. My track record for getting blocked by men I’ve been romantically involved with is.... embarrassing. I would say at least 5 men I’ve dated have blocked me, because I can’t stop myself from messaging them and trying to resolve the situation. Last night, I was in a bad place and tried to speak to my mum about how I was feeling which failed - so in a desperate attempt of support I messaged my ex boyfriend (who broke up with me a month ago) to ask if we could talk. I woke up this morning to see that he had read my message on WhatsApp and then blocked me. This hurt a lot and made me feel so ashamed of myself for pushing him to such a point that he felt it was necessary to block me. It makes me feel like a terrible person for pushing all these people to a place where they resort to blocking my number. It also makes me feel so alone and like I’ll never have a healthy relationship. Does anyone have any similar experiences or advice?",6.106468646864684,6.31023788118812,6.3383663366336656,79.60164191419142,66.22772277227723,9.10957095709571,34.16006600660066,8.841846274778883,2.713840264026401,820,35,162,12,12,263,121,202,0.218,0.698,0.084,-0.982,0,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,2,3,10,12,0,3,9,0,14,0,0,4,2,33,28,13,0,3,2,2,5,2,0,1,0,2,0,4,10,9,0,7,6,1,0,2,2,8,0,0,9,8,25,4,28,17,3,20,0,3,1,0,23,10,0,3,10,105,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495659704626594,0.14056621017973292,0.0,0.0,0.16423475527734865,0.0,0.12681150464062949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078357017223708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108785702368357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482452070822815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324025975873191,0.09666518835971807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660836995353286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876910393217545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511571939508206,0.0,0.0,0.3207189494751949,0.11328523844220552,0.15225582863954853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569665413321982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697566585308342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925890745045768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494241255588165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13481387411536114,0.0,0.15004647502209564,0.21169864273452085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657218817193627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230198105117575,0.0,0.0,0.14881087960761016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993518816905566,0.1384606283967625,0.33135198637896524,0.0,0.14990360778382175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15861682998803894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024904290676365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610434399346687,0.0,0.0,0.12636288171987026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782437274071734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257489561192184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17994780254497658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745570832086509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21532256201613692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264636137914015,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Megwen,2020/01/08,"Summa Cum Laude I've been feeling just god-awful about myself lately, especially in regards to my appearance, which is a neverending and daily struggle. But this morning I got the email that I have officially earned my bachelor's degree with distinction, and I graduated Summa Cum Laude with a 4.00 GPA!!!!!!!!! I worked really really hard (mostly because of my obsessive need to try to reach perfection) and it finally paid off!!! I have a BA. I have a BA! I graduated! SUMMA CUM LAUDE! Oh my god maybe I'm not such a sad sack of shit after all! Maybe. I know once I look in the mirror a second too long later I'll start feeling the self-loathing again, but for now I'm gonna ride this high! I HAVE A BA!!!",2.8628177458033583,4.741291582733812,4.8872122302158285,80.65489508393287,75.61870503597122,8.374340527577939,24.53297362110312,9.075114841892004,2.033819664268585,546,18,107,13,12,188,89,139,0.067,0.8759999999999999,0.057,-0.4899,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,3,6,5,1,2,10,0,6,1,1,0,3,18,18,5,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,1,2,1,4,0,1,3,4,15,1,13,14,2,14,0,1,1,0,1,4,1,2,8,63,20,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352806830519552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22441935555566545,0.0,0.0,0.2431030712221101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749010460272985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198797187252632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23447120300576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219617085260875,0.0,0.250336001360175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19639266784282502,0.18635733621924028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4458979607052652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455124615676212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23633810035662497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843359225008411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315114909052648,0.0,0.2277982143434428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707647913582248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23199950107079725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066945898684306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16156077427800875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AgreeableBottle,2020/01/08,"Forced to be thinking about your biggest phobia for hours on end It’s like an obsessive thought that I’m unable to distract myself from to a point where I can’t concentrate on anything I read or watch. I can’t even sleep at times and I don’t know how to handle it. It’s probably not helping that my phobia is the one of needles and my gf is a nurse but she tries her best not to trigger me. Still I find myself stressing about being confronted with needles even tho I don’t have a reason to, I’m relatively healthy and when walking my gf to work I only take her to the entrance of the hospital and even that’s enough to make me nauseous. I’ve done 4 therapies, one less helpful than the one before so that’s not an option, I’m already on my 9th medication so I’m out of ideas here",3.2002727272727256,4.212650315151514,4.647651515151517,86.23147727272728,73.12121212121212,7.4393939393939394,28.29545454545455,7.793537801064563,1.6327272727272724,622,24,132,8,12,208,99,165,0.098,0.812,0.09,0.5881,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,2,13,6,1,3,9,0,10,2,1,4,0,21,19,11,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,6,1,0,1,7,4,0,3,2,1,19,2,23,15,3,14,0,0,1,0,8,8,0,2,6,94,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19081744410795004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229538686176876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713904098140787,0.0,0.18146499562987026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769534168541172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315252331929785,0.17866876810257404,0.0,0.3426287689798869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804237153843895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23180431071463026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028773060863087,0.0,0.0,0.19520146264330776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503027992464153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447817303751327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542297733542473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741949871252602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515176932707505,0.13151064303411025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16346180117392914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864330245463887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729631001525634,0.0,0.0,0.17778676229769494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730411846328757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809118577135174,0.0,0.19807504492324365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001154282142124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977448663389152,0.0,0.0,0.1107977871791262,0.0,0.1372762324572774,0.10082888890206483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739882161909322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588513058749884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,exanou94,2020/01/08,"How to get rid of guilt tripping? I have always grown up in a family where guilt tripping was the norm. My mom used to do it to me and my brothers and so did my dad. However, a year ago someone left me and explained to me that I was guilt tripping all the time and they couldn't handle it anymore. Something clicked inside of me and made me realize that what I thought was normal was actually an awful and toxic behavior that I had to get rid of. I have come here after that to ask about guilt tripping apologies and I got an amazing answer that made me realize a lot of things. Today, I'm proud to say that I have lowered this behavior a lot but I am still catching myself doing it from Time to time. My girlfriend actually called me out this morning for doing it because she didn't want to wake up and got very mad at me for it. Which is legitimate. But she also told me that this wasn't the first time. So I would like to ask if you have any tips for that. I know that if I get upset I will do it but if I am willing to get anything to lower this behavior.",3.0745270270270275,3.9970345045045046,4.597826576576576,86.81133445945947,73.32432432432431,7.351801801801803,26.93806306306307,7.645422480735847,1.3741792792792795,828,29,179,10,16,278,112,222,0.1,0.863,0.037000000000000005,-0.8626,3,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,1,2,8,9,1,5,9,1,23,1,1,4,1,33,41,18,0,7,6,3,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,22,10,0,0,6,0,0,7,3,6,0,1,14,2,31,3,27,23,3,24,0,0,1,0,15,7,0,5,11,137,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.28663250119648154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018441421630586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744558970765348,0.12220105434140635,0.0,0.0,0.09987128231159513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456477667121563,0.0,0.0,0.12085501685673908,0.0,0.2745925271757005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895257893460173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996265158891856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650871813964376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844854271182352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492084999485152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069175988788977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349181177561612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071158408915989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595661304341356,0.0,0.0,0.07174941684085093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497138566586975,0.0,0.2779289906300609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17200314787612725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438937024397472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679065781121853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443580341549115,0.11306164021178575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728428413758883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756867126866466,0.0,0.0,0.11659212398621588,0.3425459485835042,0.0,0.1392081240277735,0.14033305575437746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684172405728314,0.0,0.1211766352205872,0.08662308742770726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043266411678221,0.0,0.0,0.0945743945674671 bpd,PracticallySane-,2020/01/08,"Is 9.15 too late for a therapy session?? I’m having a bit of a bad time. Last night I tried to bin off my therapist because well she’s good and I’m in a push everyone away kind of place. Feeling really shitty about myself. I had a melt down, called Samaritans, hung up on them. When I woke up this morning I’d taken over 100 propranolol pills and popped them out the case on to the side with a big hug of water. It’s as close as I’ve got to overdosing again in a while. Since I’m in a bad place I asked my therapist if she has any time before our session Friday. She’s come back with 9.15 tonight. I literally don’t know what to say. We Skype so it’s not in person. I’m torn between ah I need to speak to you and no way, that’s way too late. A) She shouldn’t be working that late. B) I don’t want her working late just to fit me in because as we all know, we’ll be fine in an hour! So I’m not sure it’s even that urgent. I don’t know what to do :(",-0.4910627400768242,1.2396249577464822,2.0356743491250526,97.71217989756724,85.8075117370892,5.562868117797695,18.13252240717029,6.782984794422108,-0.19803098591549287,728,18,186,9,22,250,124,213,0.10300000000000001,0.813,0.084,-0.7827,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,4,1,2,2,12,8,0,0,12,1,12,3,0,0,2,23,28,11,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,9,10,1,0,4,0,0,2,7,2,2,0,4,3,24,6,34,20,2,39,0,0,0,1,17,21,0,1,14,109,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566051175458105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776026029418125,0.0,0.11834825328016785,0.09685930085953512,0.2103510077982411,0.15357417574125418,0.0,0.10718692751761497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752114287799955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286243370652034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850768395510804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319868694975227,0.0,0.0,0.12036494469450185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369168304799347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565345604839013,0.10074570848420647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405014003178674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117315158627574,0.2076811903554874,0.10267827801177314,0.5683759750456805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934014429318618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182096086753872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998776932767004,0.2632132055596467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069639719908386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017241477935468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419954023559767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872051099762525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405194239323602,0.2925101209726743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690239564349053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552195868348217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429741390191133,0.19997028948663,0.0,0.0,0.11325765251598888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340802383689184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BorderlineButAlive,2020/01/08,"""Call of the Void"" is strong at the moment Where I live there is a ridiculously long waiting list for any kind of MH help, so I've been waiting since October for my ""priority"" referral (that's one step down from 911 immediate risk of harm). I'm just about getting through the days but hoooo boy that knife that medication stockpile that concrete bridge. I briefly choked on my lunch yesterday, and even while I was clearing my windpipe I was thinking ""I could just ... not."" It doesn't even upset me. It's kind of funny. I forget that most people don't spend their days having to actively not harm themselves. Hope you are all having a better day/week/month!",5.070364444444444,6.482053192000008,5.025066666666668,83.7729777777778,69.08,8.115555555555558,29.08888888888889,8.515128840125781,2.0410622222222226,519,19,100,8,9,161,92,125,0.09699999999999999,0.745,0.158,0.8479,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,1,2,8,10,1,2,5,0,11,2,0,0,2,15,17,4,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,1,1,2,1,0,1,1,4,5,0,1,3,0,12,5,13,13,2,11,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,6,63,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073842654668182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960428912574232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263426844841599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697985147414816,0.0,0.0,0.4288628502902697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928126135292419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580975747900095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857602205248507,0.0,0.0,0.22016135291312453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4616557634382134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957324710945381,0.1961647606704239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233021307392066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769292746731406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020457093376918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536731993396863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18336190644064965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203268628216598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780467087067414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Throwaway667827,2020/01/08,"Did she ever have feelings for me? I recently had a very painful experience with a girl who I strongly suspect had BPD, it was about 5 months ago now, but I still find myself dwelling on the whole thing alot. I'm hoping to gain some insight form anyone with first-hand experience about this sort of behaviour. Reasons I suspect she had BPD: -had a very difficult upbringing, with an extremely physically and emotionally abusive father -history of being sexually abused -history of suicide attempts and self harm -spoke of having a dissociation disorder where she had small spells of amnesia -very emotionally unstable -had sleep issues (said she struggles to get more than 3 hours a night, and if she was in a shitty mood she'd often wake up crying) Basically, I met this girl on tinder, and we hit it off straight away. There was great chemistry, loads of shared interests and the sex was amazing as well. We were hanging out a few days a week and then doing outings on the weekend. She did disclose that she was recently out of a 2.5 year relationship. Within a few weeks I could feel her getting quite affectionate with me, I'd get drunken texts from her basically ego boosting me and telling me how much she liked me. She said she felt like a teenager with a crush. She'd send nudes alot too, and dirty messages, things were very intense. Despite the intensity I felt that things were progressing towards a ltr, she expressed a desire to go on a weekend rainforest retreat with me, and introduce me to her parents. Shortly after this she grew distant, and about a week later she abruptly ended things by text. I later found out that she'd left for another guy A few weeks later she messaged me back saying that she had huge regrets about what happened between us, that I was ticking all her boxes and she fucked up by throwing away what we had. Apparently new dude was an alcoholic and had attacked one of her roomates. We caught up and she opened up to me about her abusive upbringing and her mental health struggles. She then told me that she saw us being a serious couple, but that she wanted time to sort out her mental health first, and said she didn't wanna jump back in as she was scared she'd screw things up again. She suggested we just be friends in the meantime and still hang out. I was sorta reluctant, I really liked this girl and I knew that the anxiety of sitting in this friend zone limbo would be excruciating. She talked me into it and I agreed though. We hung out a few times, and then I could feel her getting distant again. She kept agreeing to hang out and then flaking (busy with uni was the excuse she used). I was super confused though, because she'd still send me affectionate messages saying that she missed me, or wanted to snuggle, and missed being in my arms. Eventually a friend of mine said he'd seen her on tinder. I couldn't really deal with the anxiety induced by the situation, so I confronted her at this point and asked where we were at. She abruptly told me she didn't have romantic feelings for me. When I asked why she was sending me affectionate messages if that was the case, she blocked me on social media. I haven't spoken to her since. Can anyone offer any insights into this situation? Despite this being months ago I'm still shitty over it, I'd never fallen so hard for someone before. Did she ever have real feelings for me? Tl;dr: dated girl I suspect had BPD. Things going great, she suddenly leaves for another guy. Comes back when things don't workout with him. Says she made a huge mistake and wants to be friends while she addresses her mental health. Quickly grows distant while sprinkling in some sweet talk. Says she has no romantic feelings when confronted and blocks me",7.231278216507093,7.614893143266477,6.97444056188413,75.38160493395765,63.84240687679082,9.732392200712836,34.64616674820043,9.500547302748984,3.2066356419036968,2986,123,526,51,41,942,316,698,0.166,0.6920000000000001,0.142,-0.9572,2,0,1,0,1,1,75.0,9,0,0,7,33,39,5,5,35,0,58,12,4,5,4,107,102,45,1,14,6,2,9,3,4,1,5,9,1,7,32,51,1,3,18,3,0,15,7,18,1,2,49,21,107,20,84,35,13,112,0,3,2,4,111,44,2,13,55,388,139,0,0.0,0.20968968307461128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458672591624064,0.0630451274679701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040116977492679035,0.1237177280410153,0.09025832479995237,0.0,0.0,0.08249796747395388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030019818906928,0.0671125764478303,0.1108509420709704,0.13608495838798654,0.0,0.03596132935394907,0.0,0.050198340760013234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22289726896901071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05081688430114946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420155007452373,0.06527416795874598,0.06480057929561818,0.038045333908742575,0.06081875985329468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761060781178586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327174251308768,0.052249916151141856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672433239936603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541212649135647,0.0,0.0,0.1789705265334623,0.0,0.1132842565700082,0.0,0.0539181495821332,0.10035811720078333,0.0,0.0646823192940081,0.18231008456813227,0.0545376898213918,0.12328475334798353,0.0,0.0670536856493238,0.0,0.0,0.13007905591354027,0.0,0.1168238584399024,0.052166943864255896,0.0,0.0528457645552024,0.0,0.0,0.18811906247545093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859294303326405,0.05809580836823256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157292699817079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06246462459886104,0.06409561102107635,0.0,0.0,0.08646238459831257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05582020578689752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783519369822432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941746294221837,0.0,0.04336633423638815,0.0,0.04549871464435635,0.056975401584365475,0.0,0.0553605402712913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03997489909834922,0.0,0.06277226464228577,0.0,0.06550427903525691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055767056396753716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274587060624394,0.0,0.06714647141197477,0.07558431496302162,0.06065419766849544,0.11649611210247927,0.06333595380150346,0.0,0.0,0.2244618118239453,0.1876530703250565,0.05906186414096967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061542126975146765,0.0,0.0,0.04879927197207557,0.13262026372331534,0.05903518395783925,0.060135506425441784,0.04998422178387429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18844620307619134,0.0,0.0,0.12334370702067828,0.0,0.06452830787956318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948320027663134,0.05156211531718488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27434434294580273,0.0,0.11591982109269365,0.0,0.06879809586632983,0.0,0.0,0.1127398769470614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192162088429544,0.050950648388218944,0.0,0.194700227543528,0.10438605677981498,0.0,0.18928115790575914,0.0,0.0530414143435771,0.0,0.05323162794140044,0.06586310907127932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04190663640983819,0.0,0.0,0.03798928751519928 bpd,Red_Action,2020/01/08,"Every morning I get PREOCUPPIED with a sad event from my past(this event could've happened 10 years ago) and/or anxiety over future event, this anxiety and grief consume my day and paralyze me. I don't know how to deal with this!!",4.208953488372091,6.743924255813957,3.969941860465117,85.7470058139535,73.88372093023256,8.020930232558143,29.3546511627907,8.841846274778883,2.5498418604651167,185,8,34,4,4,56,35,43,0.23199999999999998,0.768,0.0,-0.8513,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,5,4,0,8,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016470314153517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5206426627836616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27169430619198875,0.0,0.0,0.21945924651984808,0.3508246042390109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867094562390426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777877619764857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30091780035769417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18701478120778134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248458247428139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219135950650592 bpd,coolcatcosmo,2020/01/08,Does anyone have group schema therapy? Can you tell me what it's like? I'm about to start and am a bit apprehensive! Not sure what to expect,0.2229310344827553,2.623828448275866,1.8857758620689644,94.45556034482763,92.10344827586206,5.658620689655173,14.14655172413793,7.1686216300943375,-0.2528000000000001,111,2,25,2,4,36,27,29,0.067,0.8240000000000001,0.10800000000000001,0.2937,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820384077090632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4403642090006853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529827001614952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19706112385161265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28549999773255635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801616451370412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525540652080005,0.0,0.4612768505224367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Simulationth3ry,2020/01/08,Being harsh Sometimes I’m so mad that I say things that are really mean. It’s hard for me when I’m so worked up to watch my tone and language and I come off as an asshole. In the moment I feel justified but I always feel bad about it afterwards. I wish I could stop but it seems impossible to.,-0.2972619047619069,1.9082037777777785,2.09077380952381,94.09901785714287,90.5873015873016,5.68968253968254,17.398809523809526,7.1686216300943375,0.15455714285714306,230,6,53,4,8,78,47,63,0.204,0.7140000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.79,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,12,11,8,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,5,8,0,8,9,0,8,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,4,34,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440636988939168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449079024830437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526670973331151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341901963189783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966203331121733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26275491148539737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195088010867191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879067334435794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332578887742161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670252814089559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29009855719689903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24522660580591166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19486714688619652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33730070699628745,0.0,0.0,0.21353866989568496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tacosurgeon,2020/01/08,"DAE feel overwhelming guilt for no reason? Like ten minutes ago, my mom asked me if I had any change so she could switch out a note for some coins, I only had notes myself so obviously I told her no. This is such a normal situation and is entirely because of timing/circumstance and there is nothing I could do to predict it, it's not even a problem yet I feel like the worst person in the world for not being able to help her out. I feel like a huge disappointment for something that most people wouldn't even think twice about. This happens all the time over things that are literally in no way an issue, I just always end up feeling like a terrible person and like I've upset tons of people, and I can never seem to self-soothe my way out of it. Anyone else get this at all??",3.5016666666666687,4.895382643312104,4.544347133757963,85.784716029724,72.88535031847134,7.271549893842888,23.274416135881104,7.793537801064563,0.9959728237791924,613,16,126,8,12,200,104,157,0.135,0.737,0.128,-0.4735,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,9,12,0,3,9,0,12,0,0,1,4,29,22,7,0,6,4,1,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,9,7,0,0,7,0,1,0,7,7,0,2,3,4,15,5,19,15,6,17,0,2,0,0,9,10,0,4,10,91,24,0,0.14194093749247624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582207686097946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810623064516845,0.0,0.0,0.09652470485702876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924840378592016,0.14543526426499576,0.0,0.0,0.13269561593734985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652587804726296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501546911703764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22665657749708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857343981167713,0.0,0.12571754031603807,0.0,0.0,0.1875013010738334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870784113766965,0.3042079023172961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415828144366894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125517902257452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514001841465562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481494613288454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467258617256684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623951048734545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947360137543068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390719818280451,0.1361961576922847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079524790666351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968079480530453,0.247874703402494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581830763797265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593892397202204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921769856436116,0.1480753539728631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15954756083369462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927306828849197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429925179209306,0.09095002142132166,0.0,0.0,0.08276690211064537,0.0,0.0,0.13563064851930506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22533221874943216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rahuls02,2020/01/08,"DAE sleep in their parent's room a lot more and longer than others did? I was indsanely afraid of being kidnapped for so long. My parents don't sleep in the same room and I slept in my mother's room til around 13. I know its pretty odd, but I was wondering if anyone had a similar experience.",4.203500000000002,4.864137016666668,5.403333333333336,83.04000000000002,70.5,8.666666666666668,25.0,8.841846274778883,1.6040000000000003,231,6,48,4,4,77,47,60,0.031,0.929,0.04,0.1154,2,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,6,3,3,0,0,9,9,6,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,7,0,8,3,3,9,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,3,2,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937726822340386,0.0,0.0,0.22837312495494624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25094329719589226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098652373397244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22702797345675116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21809935324538926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5697099693515552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609912767816733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5134463479123477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27820441517658145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Suburbia67,2020/01/08,"So I've finally asked for help. Again. I've never posted here before but I've always been here and occasionally commenting. Now redditors I'm here to vent my (long) story in public. I need it. When I was first diagnosed with BPD some 10 years ago or so, I went through the typical lengthy process of trial and error. That long and frustrating adventure of figuring out what is wrong with my brain. Cuz hey, why the heck would a healthy guy in his 20s want to consistently kill himself? And what are these behaviors? Come on man get it together. What was even more frustrating in my case was the fact that I didn't fall into the ""typical mold of a BPD candidate"". I'm a male to begin with and still to this day, doctors don't always recognize guys with having BPD. Also, and this still pisses me off to this day, I will always remember the psychiatrist writing down ""high functioning person with high IQ."" The result still came in as having BPD along with eleventy million other monikers but hey, you're a smart guy so try some pills and go home. After flushing the pills down the toilet after they made me numb, gave me violent nightmares and made me sleep 20 hours a day, I decided to just deal with it on my own and stop going to Dr. Cantwaitformypension-berg. Everyone with BPD has that one or 2 ""vice"" so to speak that they indulge and abuse to the core because that's the one thing that makes then feel something. Anything. Even if only for a few minutes. Mine was food and sex. I ate what I wanted and I fucked who I wanted, when I wanted, sometimes multiple times a day. All ages, all genders, all nationalities. And I was fucken good at it. I got stories that could fill an entire erotica novel and be banned in 20 different countries. It's a miracle I didn't catch a disease. But then something happened. I got older. I fell in love. I calmed down. I got engaged. I remained 100% faithful despite the bisexual urges. I got an amazing job that pays incredibly well. I got the car of my dreams. I rekindled my relationship with my father that was non existent for nearly 15 years. I'm now the father of a perfect 1 year old daughter and couldn't be happier... ...at least that's how it should be right? Nope! My brain decided that after a few years of piece it was time to invade and eradicate. Cue Ride of the Valkyries and engage, number one! Insane suicidal thoughts, reckless behavior, inexplicable mood swings..the entire playlist is there. BPD crawling back in and saying ""Did you miss me?"" I'm 35 years old. I have responsibilities. Normally you should just shoulder it and move on. I'd call my mother but we got into a fight over Christmas because of her insufferable narcissistic personality bathing in the bipolar juice. I'd talk to the wife but you can only go so far. You're the dude. You're the king of the house you gotta provide, man. I called an employee aid program that work offers today and a psychologist will call back within 48 hours to schedule an appointment. I'm gonna figure it out. I'll do what it takes. I won't be beaten. I won't kill myself even if I beg every day for the pain to go away. The difference between now and then is that back when, I just needed an answer and something to numb the pain. Now I just want to live.",2.645601265822787,5.094562215189875,3.888781645569619,84.77041930379748,78.74683544303798,6.9246835443037975,24.74841772151899,8.02467690995147,1.588204430379747,2568,94,494,47,64,837,321,632,0.134,0.7659999999999999,0.1,-0.985,3,0,3,0,2,1,91.0,1,4,2,5,33,27,9,0,40,0,35,20,5,6,6,90,77,46,3,15,13,5,1,0,0,9,10,2,2,8,35,39,2,2,8,3,1,14,8,15,1,5,24,3,55,11,69,38,11,93,1,1,0,3,43,30,3,6,48,320,90,6,0.0,0.07384518304350943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05524753869119599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04984144838339035,0.15557870391337933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05128833785528174,0.0,0.05826565860735985,0.0,0.0585565869604344,0.14377271949121426,0.0,0.07598573977582099,0.0,0.05303416373496052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.470978525568897,0.1391510943840426,0.1909230251355712,0.07128343727803295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05368765026342267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049761609199631,0.0,0.0,0.20097302394053945,0.06425455541722218,0.0,0.0632587768033781,0.0,0.13023315962256748,0.0,0.06379249397398312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123495641355195,0.0,0.05251167797798565,0.05955440959746355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03151349913232083,0.0,0.0,0.06827422175822298,0.0,0.05301379228054487,0.07536389202639794,0.0,0.0,0.0576186528861959,0.03256235014987503,0.0,0.14168341383074326,0.05227542963496129,0.2990829865032535,0.0,0.0,0.18513527168970512,0.05511397788377242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04177527489275517,0.13170001373867155,0.06251726789884984,0.0,0.1227555559274594,0.07191492506642995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06184815456294624,0.0,0.13790722251728973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05503430279297762,0.11031170020669456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056250935887181636,0.11794724242278852,0.041602562025377286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662418354211879,0.0,0.09242670785046776,0.04806904462669344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06106547347327276,0.0,0.0,0.13079964854974466,0.0,0.1266995270345158,0.09480226225536206,0.1326368366225011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883993976612708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059690323456227073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669139516040439,0.07060231401350803,0.05322538929620059,0.0,0.04956350900403984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06237022110176089,0.0,0.0,0.14394297611645304,0.06164122691518085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931898103396174,0.05210666678311692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817366458356608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0468608018880409,0.05009464342722997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04140610051835969,0.0,0.0,0.04947925540698391,0.07268466299059173,0.0,0.059077012134298376,0.0,0.0,0.04231472684958667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838051199532029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05603784926835517,0.0577760946172748,0.05623880848212295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045373495591954346,0.0,0.0,0.04427404139841993,0.06814283379381983,0.0,0.2006769610062943 bpd,staticspacecadet,2020/01/08,"how to communicate sexual fears in a relationship tl;dr how to communicate with my s/o about my sexually traumatic incidents and maintain healthy boundaries when it comes to sex (also emotionally preparing for it) i (17F) very recently got into a relationship with my bf (19M) and i already have a list of things i need to communicate so he knows what he’s getting into (perhaps a bad habit but that’s besides the big issue) context: i’ve only begun to understand and remember it but a good potion of my trauma comes from a sexually traumatic incident when i was much younger and one that happened within the last year in an unhealthy relationship i realize that i dissociate a lot, if not entirely, when i’m physically present in the situation and lose my ability to give consent or be assertive. and sure that’s the insecure and people pleasing side of me, but also what the other person sees instead of my fear of abandonment and fear that they will hurt me i don’t wanna fuck up again this time and i know that my bf is understanding and gentle, but i guess i’m seeking a bit of validation and support? i’m currently doing DBT with my therapist but i haven’t talked to her about sexual trauma yet, but she does know that i’ve been in sexual situations without consent :/ if anyone else that has experienced going through this process, some advice would be very appreciated. just preparing myself emotionally and even physically (my body freezes up and it’s just, a struggle lol) +++ communicating what i’m comfy with",5.043441647597255,7.125756480701753,6.880503432494283,67.80308924485125,70.15789473684211,10.430205949656752,33.443935926773456,10.568078804390687,4.223141876430207,1227,60,205,39,23,426,162,285,0.18100000000000002,0.706,0.113,-0.9742,1,0,0,1,0,0,28.0,0,0,1,1,16,15,1,5,15,1,12,3,1,2,1,51,33,30,0,5,13,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,19,21,0,1,7,0,0,3,4,12,0,1,3,3,25,3,33,26,4,26,0,3,1,2,13,11,1,6,12,145,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799930785852176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196206849235702,0.17676633316355772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727847068263499,0.11324126511864535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227996207113033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065971046768055,0.12276330857430412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19040716875305205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671719347545757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232565706538656,0.2486412686540269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299771706779705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730987094650888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217437818190343,0.05774237529079707,0.1060212895474315,0.06281132056071421,0.09269931262873464,0.08839330274727082,0.0,0.121750739506649,0.0,0.09773287186231214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183144311063542,0.0,0.0,0.11535463914003545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18221745233827044,0.09008892041576068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364411721638567,0.0,0.0939605371550442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124524982892782,0.08194951572951886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489151945442507,0.08405578498434474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766209665020549,0.09650219685736623,0.0,0.12131826906474567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912561435643496,0.3559728171886049,0.1251981289250502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807049215645574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484592402910107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553997436233047,0.0,0.0,0.12541730068915272,0.10416421928849608,0.0,0.0,0.08883215392992372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283227646556863,0.07342487825525604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444536510679287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301113792169276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823818972373499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653777305891904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851055904445094,0.0,0.0,0.07117154837601038 bpd,GendervoidDemiqueer,2020/01/08,Does it get worse with age? Undiagnosed and long time over due to get in and get help. I’m 24 and I thought knowing what it was causing all this would help and it did some but the splitting etc is just getting terrible these days for me.,0.6282312925170039,3.0156951224489816,1.5623469387755122,98.40705782312928,87.57142857142858,4.899319727891157,22.452380952380953,6.42735559955562,0.26352789115646225,187,7,43,2,6,58,40,49,0.11699999999999999,0.813,0.07,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,13,11,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,5,7,3,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,5,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822783888708815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17721265145255358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24046492816787665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064562835879536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5742522348962692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683632302360511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101384773802545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431747865530857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21814743766715552,0.16022849231134828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28002790335032696,0.195198343362128,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,iophys,2020/01/08,"do you guys have playlists filled with songs you feel describe what you can't explain? i have an entire playlist dedicated to songs i feel describe my bpd experience, does anyone else do anything similar? and what are some of the songs you guys have on there?",7.078125,7.951842229166669,5.891666666666668,81.32000000000002,64.20833333333334,8.9,34.75,8.841846274778883,2.784575,209,9,39,3,3,62,35,48,0.0,0.9259999999999999,0.07400000000000001,0.5484,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,6,10,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,4,10,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,0,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20924134031241065,0.3066152045038174,0.2462558192598609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768927060801151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618741677377283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24998352139914215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927222181926019,0.0,0.0,0.30261782194898745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5926056476033797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,writerme1,2020/01/08,"anyone want to be friends? Need a bpd friend to talk with so I can deal with all this shit thats going on in my life. Just a lot of stress, no one is kind to me in the way that works for me. Im 29/m in usa- suffer from bpd and nerve pain. I got no one to talk to about anything. I'm trying my hardest to help build a business right now under all these conditions and its a lot. I like art, virtual reality stuff, coding, music, and things like that, I just want some love, so here I am requesting it on the internet again, even though thats never worked before, but what else do I do?",1.5792857142857135,2.710470579365083,3.3716190476190446,93.33171428571433,77.33333333333334,6.627301587301588,19.742857142857144,7.1686216300943375,0.1231485714285716,447,9,108,5,10,150,86,126,0.09699999999999999,0.767,0.136,0.4282,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,10,10,1,1,6,0,6,4,1,0,3,17,13,7,0,3,3,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,11,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,2,1,0,10,6,18,11,5,12,0,1,0,1,8,7,1,3,5,74,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123189724699453,0.0,0.1321880300647816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136687635501831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046256004203659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656065191127314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418902887951373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060971898289536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482107377501921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129195909987196,0.0,0.12847362079111635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766953121136004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351219957150807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727550968101715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346048889358815,0.15695523971059847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27313043057799896,0.14497838524632808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910801701744195,0.12389078262251235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21769940418150946,0.0,0.1709258174502055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371804908232431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16488841150867622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840056137507257,0.0,0.18388740818672425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25822292194876645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671803940362327,0.0,0.15782201177431304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905988805406684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18949209694408264,0.12750372957584852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338868152201517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thankmomther,2020/01/08,"BPD Evaluation Experiences What were some of the things you experienced while getting evaluated for BPD? Was it good, bad, or indifferent?",6.428939393939395,10.365619772727275,7.651818181818182,53.26439393939396,78.54545454545453,12.024242424242425,34.60606060606061,10.504223727775694,5.907951515151515,113,6,16,5,3,38,21,22,0.205,0.6890000000000001,0.105,-0.4137,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720894412835257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8208485503894412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187652674009339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025462818402945,0.0,0.0,0.273325905369115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21649482349574614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sociallyawakward4996,2020/01/08,I know no one will see this I have been homeless for almost a month after having an episode and physically attacking my mom after a heated argument. I ended up having to leave the house and leaving the house. I just came back home today after work. I apologized last week and explained my situation and mental instability. I have a job I love as a Photographer but I'm having to drive long hours and I haven't been getting enough sleep and eating properly. I don't feel in the best headspace. And I can't loose by job because of medical bills and I can't live here with my mom if I'm not working and getting treatment. Which is understandable but I'm probably going to have to quit my job and I've been in and out of work for 2 years. This isn't how I imagined my life to be even though I'm a lot better now than when I wasn't on any medication. I haven't been diagnosed with BPD but I was in DBT and seeking a diagnosis for BPD and was happy with my therapist then had to quit therapy due to loosing my jobs. I'm feeling implusive and instead of hurting myself I'm on Grindr and want to just meet up with a random stranger online and not really caring about myself. I just want a distraction from the things that are going on.,3.54613965191864,4.893282888446219,5.170073390647937,81.5251205703502,72.70517928286853,8.312098972530931,27.1547494233592,8.841846274778883,2.040612749003984,979,35,197,19,19,332,136,251,0.07200000000000001,0.8190000000000001,0.109,0.8713,4,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,7,12,8,1,1,13,0,24,7,1,1,0,43,45,25,0,3,9,2,2,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,5,22,1,0,6,0,1,4,10,3,0,1,9,3,25,5,35,34,3,29,0,1,1,1,6,9,0,4,16,141,30,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533114283113476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153182409840035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966716620494955,0.0,0.08088350547366155,0.0,0.06412196647069836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103888982820776,0.09303072835794116,0.0,0.0,0.2649626040714687,0.0,0.0,0.12030768374548664,0.10724674171618996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067641685698065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763415155852836,0.0,0.0,0.09316583762975937,0.10868789542467892,0.0,0.06947604816042073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637298738940787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991335641016292,0.0,0.11956215913554735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197517219021104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551269666852182,0.0,0.10358953751710637,0.24274693791003935,0.1126065231051466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175336377441444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780887860992981,0.08574271120989438,0.0,0.22275898227845026,0.0,0.0,0.07429778680645717,0.0,0.0,0.0928834207271214,0.09308856060160628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894275474190505,0.09493677723069303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21193280443176474,0.10600532227825478,0.0,0.0,0.24639112732845744,0.08396050060836495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127848679966596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341105270268312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22376195115526373,0.0,0.0,0.0673864814905313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382165909231125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823634243470693,0.10526452037069596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202922792923286,0.12213201912899008,0.069882601576394,0.0,0.10334722068024448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970645024817994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950499486092057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240858695176624,0.0,0.08437591350773595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297355612978955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773798032657617 bpd,Extrovet78,2020/01/08,"Should I or shouldn’t I? TLDR - pretty certain my best friend is suffering with BPD and struggling hard. Not sure if he’s diagnosed or not. Really want to tell him what I suspect the issue is so he and his care providers can consider this option (if they haven’t already). Should I tell him? If so, how? I’m pretty sure my best friend has BPD. He is in therapy, and always identifies his primary challenge as ADHD. I won’t go into details, because I am not asking anyone here to help me diagnose. We’re pretty close, and do discuss mental and emotional health with each other. I can see that he’s dealing with some stronger than normal depression (makes jokes to me about it - not sure if that’s deflection or asking for my help). He’s typically struggling on some level with inattention and lack of focus - phone/video game/social media addiction or compulsion, depression, and anxiety. I’ve looked into this extensively, and I strongly suspect he’s a pwBPD. I don’t know if he’s received a diagnosis from his therapist and is afraid to share it, or hasn’t been diagnosed (or if the option has been considered by his care provider and dismissed). Everyone, including my own therapist has advised me that if I tell him I suspect he’s struggling with BPD, and he actually has BPD, it could ruin our relationship. I don’t want that to happen, but the current situation has been destroying our relationship anyway. Also, I love my friend and watching him struggle is killing me. He has said to me on more than one occasion, usually after catastrophizing a situation or some other outsized emotional response, “I don’t understand why I’m like this.” I’m pretty sure I do understand why, and if he did too, maybe he/we could chart a path forward. I understand that dealing with BPD requires significant support. I’m more than willing to give it, but I can’t if we don’t know what he’s dealing with. So do I tell him? If so, how? If no, what would you suggest I do?",5.582647058823528,6.605524612299469,6.6192663101604285,74.25113475935831,67.58288770053477,10.155122994652409,33.943957219251345,10.264317810270406,3.6756702887700543,1551,71,278,39,25,519,171,374,0.13,0.7190000000000001,0.151,0.879,1,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,3,1,1,5,11,30,2,5,7,0,37,6,0,3,5,81,61,41,1,21,24,0,1,1,3,6,5,1,0,0,17,25,0,1,8,1,0,3,14,11,0,1,5,5,43,19,29,48,10,13,0,4,3,1,50,8,0,23,5,192,60,3,0.0,0.0,0.06797022399608971,0.07593087100147343,0.08370806932492797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686262288219539,0.0557006131995477,0.05795597499566235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053283526183792736,0.0,0.0,0.04870224015071043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023028094773376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04245916237603716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461907803096587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4386207585737821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202954374175275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112227768701596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21542420537660187,0.11998218883093115,0.2120856900725044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669806442076484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655539196612131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143869586853893,0.0,0.0,0.06681646594472894,0.039584789801211086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06159296054918564,0.0,0.06239443698120041,0.0,0.0,0.07403673115137424,0.0,0.0,0.09337242410000164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269850565455041,0.0,0.0,0.0770595268397073,0.0,0.0765577445226127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03402840859919422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058490068352623624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286357486771196,0.0,0.04649319573662245,0.0,0.06997471290656328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019275045772858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824409057332928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04719794185239492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28344416134670897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04462080184118735,0.0,0.0,0.14956018562222098,0.0,0.0,0.0662549235989646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555035603228984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658334697136989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912612285773706,0.0,0.0,0.07904017048036006,0.26258443150270805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24351538344495496,0.0,0.07965303779930949,0.16174248910100805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175303073360175,0.0,0.0,0.07671174669392701,0.0,0.08216501103143425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570004362514028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0494787237269769,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,t_hio,2020/01/08,"Having an FP is exhausting and I hate it I've had one person in the past who maybe was an FP but is no longer as our friendship ended entirely because it was just not healthy on anyone's part. Now, my FP is a friend I met last year and he is amazing - but I genuinely miss the small period in between meeting and being so utterly dependent on him. Its not even just that I need his attention all the time (and he lives in a different time zone then me so that makes things worse), it's that regular attention isnt enough. I need him to be thinking about me, to be worried about me, to essentially be in caretaker / crisis mode - All The Time. And it's a neverending spiral where I start feeling better but then I'm not getting the kind of attention I want so things feel worse again. And its fucked up and tiring. Bes so nice and has promised over and over that he wont leave and he wont let me scare him away but it is never enough. I hate myself because of the way I act with him and the only solution I can think of is to cut it off all together. But at the same time I dont want to because I feel like if I lose him then.. What even is the point?",2.7114370982552787,3.7442191611570266,4.183911845730027,89.01202938475667,74.33057851239671,8.022405876951332,25.014692378328746,8.515128840125781,1.4098945821854911,895,28,203,16,18,298,129,242,0.153,0.698,0.149,-0.4844,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,2,13,15,4,1,14,0,22,3,0,2,4,42,40,25,0,5,11,0,3,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,16,12,0,0,8,0,0,1,9,8,0,1,4,3,26,7,25,29,7,33,0,2,0,1,16,15,1,2,17,147,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204720963928699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123682076249218,0.0,0.0,0.2407433872594837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642673016660185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753796468276505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428354818968076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659581763921048,0.2720429367014573,0.0,0.17389671681581895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19968658719113586,0.09404513486828936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170635160737217,0.1217009902654142,0.06877755830973899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599386183900619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370849783303281,0.0,0.10730587277977713,0.0,0.1393899649056447,0.0,0.13461295528935618,0.0,0.06431367531203093,0.0,0.11624237660850704,0.0,0.0,0.14727382513586204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878721167963947,0.0,0.13225217255772154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952218823059107,0.10153049471211284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920408660435919,0.10011974089941963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425555542370111,0.1256672698083635,0.0,0.114944794666825,0.0,0.0,0.12444432483111965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179669649406378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931769483339772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17491430929725613,0.16870187064214906,0.0,0.0,0.30704624353278365,0.1513032162668915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529182994500168,0.10449136301704988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368893169921328,0.2683090709017101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847731894258535 bpd,TokioHighway,2020/01/08,I just want to self harm again but I dont want my FP leaving me Things have been going great with us but the past few days I've been splitting like hell on him. I love him to death yet I also never want to talk again. I just want to self harm again so badly but he was so upset the last time i did. I'm scared he'll leave me if I do it again but the urges are just too strong. Like ugh idk what to do,-0.018790322580642282,1.127108559139785,1.6319220430107535,104.06788306451614,81.68817204301075,4.65,13.775537634408602,3.1291,-1.6762462365591402,308,2,86,0,8,100,58,93,0.297,0.48700000000000004,0.21600000000000005,-0.9251,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,1,12,12,1,2,3,0,9,1,0,0,1,14,17,8,1,5,8,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,4,0,13,5,7,12,1,12,1,0,0,1,9,1,1,1,12,54,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422978910044546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610297485241005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437851668675658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260300685814733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960658118348728,0.0,0.0,0.21262844039360596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720635199411448,0.0,0.408421036421294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18844296248143005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406336011442702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487452482922915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18410635447863494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193086150123668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4023893434751968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155013277933119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812737907003946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245801042583356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319864077643509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4550144637516048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,witchybug,2020/01/08,"New To Healthy Relationships I was diagnosed with BPD a few years ago, but since then have not had means to regularly go to therapy. Recently, I’ve been feeling exceptionally triggered or like I’m on a very bumpy emotional rollercoaster. Does anyone have helpful tips or tricks to minimize outbursts or deal with the shitty feeling after the fact? Does anyone know how I can keep from pushing my partner away in these situations? It’s very hard for me to not self isolate and see if they’ll come “save me”. Been reading Love Me, Don’t Leave Me and it’s somewhat helped. Trying to be the healthiest version of myself! Thank you!",4.17741258741259,6.746074837606841,4.79578865578866,79.62370629370633,74.12820512820512,8.015229215229214,30.2944832944833,8.841846274778883,2.784852991452992,504,23,89,11,11,161,90,117,0.07400000000000001,0.693,0.23199999999999998,0.9691,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,0,2,5,1,0,5,0,10,2,0,2,1,23,21,9,0,1,8,0,3,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,3,5,0,1,4,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,4,4,10,4,16,15,3,12,0,0,1,1,9,3,0,5,7,56,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144841687560948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23892490103174166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16051941141424933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151798788072372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717234162437842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613908104353515,0.0,0.1734093830660702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990243683016369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921835084882157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277401552592367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097098120706042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304824413140558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22903461029873454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185953100197325,0.0,0.0,0.09389481611459187,0.0,0.0,0.18090572055583864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346879046703917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541989994432573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18610598262240488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500821294883508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708964605419786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869398669400665,0.18342920385951075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614551010405992,0.0,0.17823404681408814,0.0,0.0,0.14132907250145613,0.1920428124177758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572959336899035,0.19538212322662515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599608858077468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819386587395733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002194402790604 bpd,racerb,2020/01/08,"DAE have weird scrambled thoughts when severely depressed? It's almost like I can't think properly and a word salad is in my brain. When this happens, I just get the urge to self-harm and it's intense.",4.194416666666665,5.646550275000003,4.3599999999999985,87.55166666666668,71.25,7.333333333333335,30.833333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.9755833333333328,161,7,32,2,3,50,35,40,0.20199999999999999,0.7090000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.6697,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,7,7,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,2,6,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611037039201671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40256546001015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105970611168472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18840638695830847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188905406454986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617821125577396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761999590132288,0.4073921607814616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23106744919363115,0.0,0.28628792755159793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hollyisnotgay,2020/01/08,"Needing to cut off a friend that I know I'm being toxic towards. Before we start, I should preface this with the fact I'm not diagnosed but highly suspect I have BPD, but I certainly show symptoms of it and relate to a lot of the posts on this sub. This whole story starts 3 years ago, I went through a lot of traumatic things that year, in 2017. Towards the start of that year I met someone online, I'll call him 'M'. We got really close, but he told me that he started to get stress pains around the time we started talking, after a while I realised it was me who caused him this stress because he cared so much for me, but he didn't know how to handle me and the trauma I was experiencing that year. Long story short, i treated him really badly, and I can't remember everything very well, but one day he got fed up of how I treated him, and admittedly I was very toxic towards him, I was manipulative, a liar, and I loved him and then I didn't, and then I loved him again. He blocked me on everything and deleted his skype so I couldn't contact him again. I had his number saved on my old phone, but I wasn't able to access that phone anymore, so there was no way to contact him. I thought that perhaps my new phone (when i got one) would have his number saved through my accounts and whatever, but it didn't. So through those years i sent him a bunch of messages on his skype telling him i missed him and that i wished he didnt abandon me and that i loved him and that he was the only person in the world i would ever love and all that jazz, but I never got a response. Everytime I go into a depressive episode, I think of him and I desire him in my life, and I miss him so much. Everytime I can't sleep, I think of him. I got a new phone a few weeks ago and I noticed that somehow it had some of my old old numbers saved, I think because it was the same phone provider as I used to have before. Anyway, I saw his number saved and I freaked out, I was so happy that I could finally contact him. So I did, and I messaged him a huge apology, and I tried to explain everything from my side, but he told me in detail how I made him feel, how he couldn't handle the person he cared for treating him the way I did. He's telling me that talking to me again is mentally taxing for him, and that it's bringing back the stress pains he used to have. I want so badly to start over and for him to give me a second chance, and I want to keep messaging him and to figure it out, but I hate that its having a negative effect on him. Should I cut him off? I dont know what to do.",5.543912698412701,4.300714698148152,6.266243386243385,84.4866666666667,67.75925925925927,9.269841269841269,30.95238095238095,8.07648339933343,1.8902380952380948,1987,63,450,21,28,656,210,540,0.132,0.728,0.14,0.3498,0,0,0,0,0,0,54.0,3,0,0,1,23,34,4,3,24,0,35,11,1,10,5,95,86,50,0,12,11,0,1,0,1,4,5,0,0,2,32,32,1,3,14,2,2,4,14,17,1,3,31,3,101,17,55,47,10,67,0,4,1,4,79,26,0,4,34,322,133,1,0.07338480841296642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010240974424933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277801085940741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532803797041715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564283878956818,0.12254649947866353,0.0894693961507569,0.0,0.12489013382579835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242559723912737,0.0,0.07493409430309463,0.0,0.14964140603623635,0.0753864130159406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859179814154585,0.0,0.0,0.04732713045263603,0.0,0.06320622795427484,0.0744840358010793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600644891846243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638076056909845,0.0,0.0,0.19786060176543527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037105564100375084,0.0,0.0,0.08038947059530786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566969209409698,0.0,0.03834053354950508,0.0703973951259146,0.041706277774662334,0.0,0.2934626755883941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811949314057037,0.0,0.07245230540399207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753507919386456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522778954571606,0.0,0.0,0.120991114575681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05183386042869592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494324616022762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247782796942423,0.2649306189076557,0.06943848009078496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739546265891254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789255589561424,0.05441390558268356,0.05659888827801545,0.14175101050985678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835490907693975,0.23101503532773446,0.0,0.09945489078879076,0.055812453644176516,0.15617322033018996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815356824437696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028236102494792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940243747895202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313068241844902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343780604396241,0.0,0.06217871002560205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.311652870625402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521861502870001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627491448236633,0.0,0.11796785847041055,0.12828311423859046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0487536058905884,0.141066066247012,0.0,0.05825934071725095,0.04279127193059725,0.0,0.0,0.14024465855092966,0.0,0.04982346780706636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267618251793824,0.0,0.1211003048391305,0.08656852267358384,0.11649889027309145,0.05886486680547533,0.0,0.0659817559244484,0.06802845260975443,0.0,0.08193151787048289,0.08438890802418111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426092476711547,0.0,0.0,0.23628705301248284 bpd,eyemeows,2020/01/08,"I feel so impulsive I’m so stressed out and lack so much motivation. I just texted my crush and asked him if he wanted to hang out because I’m so bored and horny. He said he could hang in like an hour. He doesn’t go to my school anymore so I’m like okay coast is clear. Otherwise we would have been targets. I’m literally just bored out of my mind and I feel so trapped and unmotivated. I’m gonna start my bachelors in a month and I like don’t want to do it.",-0.09760576057605874,1.8764873762376268,2.1275427542754284,96.16297929792982,86.12871287128712,6.0489648964896485,20.072907290729074,7.348242739294969,0.2760415841584161,359,11,91,6,11,121,60,101,0.17800000000000002,0.674,0.14800000000000002,-0.647,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,1,8,7,0,1,2,1,8,0,0,1,1,23,22,13,0,6,3,0,2,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,10,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,2,3,10,4,9,17,2,11,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,6,47,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25466170756179923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24005930002508302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653374507782158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20502191785190288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596764105603162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593682609242872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25288148743601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.376356522761486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592796363524699,0.0,0.20496332726853975,0.0,0.1887665119802624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442613264232472,0.0,0.0,0.2598801165954632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18175373592196856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29414633576428445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30291687756821306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18241268770355415,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rosaa_xo,2020/01/08,Does anyone else go from loving their looks and thinking they look like a model to basically hating it to the point you want to DIE. I mean it’s just crazy !! I can literally go from looking in the mirror and think WOW I’m so beautiful to WHY THE HELL DO I LOOK LIKE THIS!! As well as feeling disgusted with myself..,0.3032118055555557,2.7310347031250046,2.486458333333335,89.90159722222225,92.59375,5.344444444444445,18.04861111111111,6.937597516519254,0.3361652777777775,247,7,51,4,9,83,49,64,0.213,0.514,0.273,0.5205,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,2,0,3,8,3,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,16,5,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,5,7,5,10,16,0,4,1,0,4,1,4,2,1,0,2,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888395864216527,0.20351586984573267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206142490088227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17381900262746933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592658503995467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043130340589887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257675331811204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19610211144618125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19407731874034756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.667183456771214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17926777300199015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21636200732510308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18776582724046686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25454311669997554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715479574050255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17858868094759026,0.0,0.17922912381575218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,goober-stew,2020/01/08,"Fucking hell Whenever I think I’ve made a breakthrough, I always go five steps backward. I can’t relate to other people, and I’m such a fucking mess. Literally want to blow my brains out.",2.1622972972972967,4.678890027027029,3.9634459459459457,83.12192567567571,81.16216216216216,5.8621621621621625,25.466216216216218,7.1686216300943375,1.4345729729729741,149,6,27,2,4,50,30,37,0.218,0.738,0.044000000000000004,-0.7977,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,2,0,1,3,1,1,0,5,8,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,1,0,4,0,3,7,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29765286311336153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39933539045126976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6614153442180569,0.0,0.0,0.20330131657612388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33848464012480056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479989789761829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292134303871751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21099335127290814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Psychopath_Snow,2020/01/08,"BPD and Asexuality Is there anyone here who has BPD and identifies with asexuality? If so, do you ever get fits of hypersexuality? Does the hypersexuality conflict with being asexual or disqualify you of being asexual? Or is the switch of asexuality and hypersexuality just BPD acting itself?",6.920000000000003,10.516442666666666,11.262333333333334,31.416000000000025,70.25,12.173333333333332,32.516666666666666,11.20814326018867,5.621786666666668,240,11,31,10,5,94,31,48,0.065,0.935,0.0,-0.504,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,1,11,7,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,1,28,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17150305637374946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.926751629308108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21464314884092947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218666684329891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281468662251495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,merjacob,2020/01/08,"Can I just get a small hell ya to my partner tonight. Been a rough few days. Today I spent most of the day in the bed. Didn’t keep up with housework and a load of dishes scattered through the kitchen. Didn’t know where to start, completely overwhelmed, and couldn’t get up the courage to start it. My partner came home saw me in bed tense and clutching the covers. He gave me a kiss and sat there just looking at me. Then all he says is “How would you like those dishes to vanish?” First smile all day. He went and started doing dishes. Ten minutes later I finally got out of bed and started making dinner which I hadn’t in days. He won’t see this, and I try to tell him, he means the world to me. Thank you to my amazing partner who got my ball rolling again with his patience and kindness.",2.3701242236024846,4.1597310745341645,2.7471739130434787,95.84945652173916,76.7639751552795,5.096894409937889,24.54347826086957,5.288315135182226,0.2379863354037268,617,21,135,2,14,189,100,161,0.042,0.826,0.131,0.9152,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,3,0,1,6,8,1,1,10,0,10,6,0,2,2,24,31,10,0,2,2,0,1,1,3,2,0,1,5,3,5,12,5,1,2,1,1,2,5,2,0,2,12,5,18,6,20,16,4,27,1,1,3,1,17,10,1,1,16,84,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961111333050147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977857137914774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4423248821180037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878323424879109,0.0,0.14584867511906807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791675495686176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27427363996973625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17199412271544404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15240663254716624,0.0,0.17855518757659966,0.0942330892453132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376950194651367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439880410638083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445471625290353,0.0,0.0,0.18677646323030994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635644256945648,0.0,0.0,0.1366359990345707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.485457347412592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498686188044453,0.15786262086328354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252947731382272,0.0,0.0,0.1164139855601751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15895046347355632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180434566828825,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Thrownawayandrecycle,2020/01/08,"Losing touch of favorite person [Venting] Ive made a friend at work that started with extremely intense emotions and I didnt even know her. I was even afraid to speak to her but she encouraged me and we got along through the boundaries of work. I got that rose vision and asked her out on a date but shes been with someone for 9 years and softly rejected me. She knows how to handle insecurity which made me feel more attached because its like she knows a part of me. Even so I tried to let go and follow boundaries and I went on as if I didnt ask her out. The 2nd day after I got really depressed and all over the place. I know how selfish it looks so I dont like to speak up about things. The next week I reached out and spoke with her about our connection that was clear as day and that I 'want' to be friends. She said ""we *are* friends"" and added me on facebook. I opened up about my moms death and she as well lost a parent around the same time. Everything was great until she told me she lied to her boyfriend about messaging me on facebook. I dont want to be that burden so I got freaked out and told her to tell him about me and empathize that I dont have many people to talk to(surprise). That was manipulative. Somewhere in my rant I said it is what it is in the light of lying about it isnt the right thing to do. So I stopped messaging her on facebook so she wouldnt have something to lie about. As time goes on I just lose my heart and feel numb and afraid around her even though I still go back for more. I split on the inside even though our routine hasnt changed much. Now Im getting the return cycle and want to be around her and open up more. Ive spiraled through it all and eventually found bpd. I havent been honest about who I am because I honestly didnt know until about a 5 days ago. I want to approach her and try to tell her about who I am and that I push people I care about away. My heart is black and white. Advice?",2.3666136736826395,3.8220362241379315,3.1298566950291122,94.53609419316315,75.92118226600985,6.202000298552022,23.14046872667562,6.714681859716394,0.3802440065681445,1521,44,351,13,33,479,183,406,0.14400000000000002,0.747,0.11,-0.9423,1,1,1,0,0,0,31.0,4,0,0,5,34,23,0,3,14,0,32,3,2,5,3,63,66,39,1,6,4,2,4,2,3,1,1,5,0,1,20,36,0,1,8,0,0,6,10,12,1,0,23,13,67,11,67,38,8,51,0,5,3,0,49,26,0,1,21,248,87,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822680438372231,0.07462804011916864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22483688571856106,0.1574097963865584,0.0,0.07909788244777073,0.06473577244290955,0.0,0.10264107634134896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603248921151667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858358033115114,0.0,0.08906028732243416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288388495281805,0.0,0.07251144578836574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29600494255309273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470074945373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27802860531373663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756632100080756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513648691890037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230836278668783,0.19513151673055998,0.0,0.043985025051379086,0.0,0.09569254795839834,0.0,0.2693329892393606,0.09281813651145036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199527594504904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909380445034562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23133903439007236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608846193663275,0.0,0.08226051314605548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069715033262843,0.1883708304630536,0.09190171068282932,0.0,0.0,0.15932241956827387,0.0,0.08535394169082852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986005728688462,0.0,0.0,0.061888246388099234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953544225927401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348138439165483,0.0911679591195996,0.0,0.1167314338587972,0.07351016519337539,0.08795908099619873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053933319357923865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189653298325496,0.16016511609163486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133265671974058,0.06481243298176116,0.0,0.0,0.05958906520385595,0.0,0.06723305792523712,0.07038536939902221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766754045530922,0.1471689481359907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186221880160953,0.0,0.16542957977364228,0.0,0.09818200184498947,0.0,0.0,0.1608914704256737,0.0,0.11431695267415926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986262728212668,0.0,0.06753094966041095,0.0,0.07569558685258063,0.07804359812528561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258048519808146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05421464431448818 bpd,eyeccentric,2020/01/08,"BPD + bipolar Having a mixed bipolar episode while splitting (on?) my only friend. For the short time I’ve known him he’s been a great friend to me, however I’m faced with an issue. As of recently (for absolutely no reason), every time we talk I can’t tolerate him in person and/or over the phone. I’m left with no choice but to internalize my unwarranted anger out of fear of hurting him. I’m new to this community/generally unfamiliar with BPD, so what I mean to ask is: will this toxic perspective go away or no?",4.603361344537814,5.572809196078434,6.173249299719888,76.75676470588238,69.78431372549021,9.75014005602241,29.27731092436975,9.957137785484203,2.7689899159663867,406,15,81,10,7,139,75,102,0.18600000000000005,0.752,0.063,-0.9354,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,1,5,0,5,3,1,1,0,10,11,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,9,3,18,9,0,13,0,1,0,0,11,7,0,1,5,47,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872797141022053,0.0,0.18821482717035395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5046124122113079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687850489259207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254247864536045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30954595799858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138510654022468,0.0,0.0,0.22086241731328807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144553547620236,0.0,0.0,0.20909047044298315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21765704693761675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21821600917940687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19347810964560405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235853327489746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17491875394099451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20597063260000886,0.19779981293572035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610161237912875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336258308899252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,peach_cheeks,2020/01/08,Tonight is the worst I’ve felt in such a long time. I feel like I’m falling apart. I’m alone right now and I can’t handle it.,-2.4510000000000005,-0.7342564333333321,-0.07833333333333138,108.9825,96.66666666666666,3.0,14.166666666666668,3.1291,-1.808333333333333,97,2,28,0,4,32,25,30,0.264,0.6509999999999999,0.086,-0.6369,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,1,1,5,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4702004741941063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22955281583305495,0.3243331336583666,0.4359050720064376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22179835118797928,0.0,0.0,0.40177006836742296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3877080718790236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647273314097729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Benounce,2020/01/08,Advice? How do you distinguish between splitting and just not wanting the person in your life? Like how do you know when your opinion of this person is valid and not you demonizing them because they did something?,6.346228070175438,8.632153447368424,5.4973684210526335,78.20991228070176,67.15789473684211,7.171929824561403,33.719298245614034,7.793537801064563,2.6683929824561403,173,8,27,2,3,52,30,38,0.0,0.924,0.076,0.466,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,5,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,2,0,11,6,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,7,1,3,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,1,0,1,2,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3875926590966985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417884627863877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21798333182571827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28015902582421826,0.19377858972813256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6926626444239437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053533555706253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339489358759612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,floralmerlot,2020/01/08,I got ghosted Having a bit of a breakdown. Called him over 40 times. Left a lot of horrific messages. Only just coming down from the anger. Kinda regret everything and don’t know how to process it. Now just crying lol. Crying and shaking. Threw some shit across my room and p sure it’s broken so that’s nice too,0.7025089605734821,3.2339996451612905,1.9418279569892505,93.41051971326168,92.87096774193549,4.0458781362007175,18.179211469534053,5.82211442006289,-0.16624229390681,246,7,48,2,9,78,53,62,0.33,0.563,0.107,-0.9519,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,1,4,1,2,1,1,1,1,13,6,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,2,0,3,2,7,4,3,10,0,1,0,0,3,5,1,3,2,30,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28854096726005524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698740706576437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22766617138522924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5806298435909671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375307106767989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113803271626457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452492571755637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871565733406304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246935963123564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20100775486016534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27129434163532984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490942873217133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541121548466027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mr_Lapis,2020/01/08,"FP is mad. Need advice So we were in a group chat and my FP said he really liked a show but he got the name wrong so I jokingly said ""(shows real name) you degenerate"" and thought nothing of it. But when I talked to him an hour later he was pissed at me and even mocking the fact that I would apologize for it. But I dont really see why hes mad. I made a joking statement. Was I unfeeling? Could he be having a problem I'm not seeing? Hes my best friend and I dont want him to leave nor do I want to hurt him. I just want some advice on what to do and how to help it maybe.",-1.1744186046511622,0.6773796201550404,1.7593488372093018,97.7664651162791,90.00775193798452,5.300465116279073,15.576744186046513,6.742157984588678,-0.4712660465116279,437,9,112,6,15,153,81,129,0.22899999999999998,0.638,0.133,-0.9195,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,1,0,1,6,12,4,0,7,0,14,1,1,2,1,27,26,13,0,7,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,5,0,0,4,7,0,0,8,4,19,5,10,15,2,6,0,1,2,0,21,3,1,1,4,71,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214746203730508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726216620802516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133154200175934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.385561116635128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864381377893133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708423858133108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155734054066362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025389567292372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198909871021613,0.0,0.1760894934363577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17417071083521496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036129826924165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564401424497146,0.0,0.0,0.16525188825086706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196693655395348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783218472601318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739430967445958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872251491304621,0.21075246909179848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312934509506759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621537914775659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221049064014584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058634988328052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910606415612237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484262578540888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684867553574485,0.17984352962963096,0.0,0.0 bpd,kittycronic,2020/01/08,"Just looking for a safe place to share. Been lurking here a while. I was always curious if this was actually me. I've always wondered if reality matched the reality I create in my mind. Today, I was officially diagnosed with Borederline Personality Disorder. Along for the ride, Bipolar Disorder, PTSD, and high functioning Asperger's. I don't know what I feel yet. Relief? For having an answer? The mind is spinning with possibilities. Did I lie somewhere? Is this a mistake? Am I worthy of help? I was put on Geodon for the Bipolar disorder and in weekly counseling for the rest of that mess. My memory serves me up to 30 seconds so I have everything written down. All my steps. I can be better. I deserve to be better than this. I'm in on this crazy ride my friends. I hope I'm not alone.",1.5666950488804794,4.304722105960266,4.015610217596971,79.07971302428255,89.52980132450331,7.379501734468622,26.39577420372123,8.269060116576782,2.5712211289813944,622,29,112,17,21,215,97,151,0.10800000000000001,0.69,0.201,0.9337,0,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,0,0,9,0,15,3,0,0,1,19,23,6,0,4,4,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,4,0,0,4,2,2,0,1,7,2,18,7,21,14,2,17,0,0,1,0,4,9,0,4,4,82,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.1576988211971345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673694289083403,0.0,0.0,0.2689291987230276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28584510023730825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402115196373274,0.0,0.0,0.5556246764900994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523615018425115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171009133099978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124852180544704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831743921968147,0.17073984875014833,0.0,0.16050580459252067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881143355818541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357037580379198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263409675282432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110336306052418,0.16883817506908785,0.0,0.0,0.1821803340631244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889023898063928,0.1624531825441743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15317842162774142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962620996277768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752488981192971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,minibike845,2020/01/08,"DAE go on spending binges to avoid other maladaptive coping mechanisms? I just spent like $500 on a whole new wardrobe... shirts, pants, belts, etc. etc. I was feeling suicidal and wanted to drink and use substances, self harm, fight people, and drive a 100 on the highway like I used to do. but did this instead. I feel like its still self destructive. But I was worried I could do a hell of a lot worse considering the mental state I was in. But maybe less harmful. Idk. I suffered from financial abuse among a million other things so to spend my money on myself feels liberating. I feel like its brought me to a manic state currently... just like drinking or using or self harm or driving fast or fighting strangers or just being a general idiot lol. waiting for the dropout as its inevitable but for now I am riding the wave. I know I just spent a lot of money to kinda transform myself yet again. Lots of new graphic t shirts and what not. I am a male with BPd if that matters any. Uggh. DAE do this to avoid doing something much worse? Thanks for any input. Much Love!",2.6577230698104484,5.130565461165052,3.3007628294036064,88.86959546925566,78.85436893203884,5.671382339343506,24.8580674988442,6.868970318607317,1.0225310217290806,839,31,160,9,21,263,127,206,0.239,0.6409999999999999,0.11900000000000001,-0.9863,1,2,3,0,4,0,32.0,0,0,0,1,10,18,5,2,13,1,12,5,2,3,0,39,28,16,1,3,15,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,10,5,2,3,5,2,6,5,1,11,0,1,7,4,17,7,22,19,9,21,1,1,0,1,7,6,1,10,13,109,27,1,0.0,0.14188172950407973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628654132815569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15081834050846715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095608987413436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346147885611927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671012177141389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421926292462207,0.1710959068555119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805551482113557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581033704102145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925139778930021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054162532425633,0.10807719259351092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030290258536695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206777601473096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605703094667075,0.0,0.0,0.2313066164472072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301814505475885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37476965752950026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218781582243346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956308608710146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098481226660794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024781601021727,0.0,0.0,0.07955521147673564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102713212214789,0.0,0.0,0.07063043853598362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336943003851637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160984742940778,0.2440667657491284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cad0420,2020/01/08,"I cried over a joke today So the bg story is, I’m visiting my BF in another country, and I really want to get a working visa to stay and work legally in that city to build a life with my bf. His friend told a joke to me, said, “you can work here (while pointing a strip club) I’m sure you don’t need a visa”. At first I didn’t fully understand so I asked him “excuse me?”Then he explained that if I work as a stripper I don’t need a visa. I’m shocked, I don’t know what to say other than “oh my GOD”. Then he awkwardly walked away. The next thing I remembered is my bf turned around and found me about to cry so he asked me what happened. I told him what happened but he said “it’s just a joke”. Then I finally bursted into tears and I walked away from them. Now I’m still crying, feeling that no one value my worth and intelligence, not being respected, and also hating my bf not protecting me... To be clear I’m not discriminated to strippers, but I’m quite sure he said that with a “naughty” intention. Before this joke, he already made some jokes about me being handy for my bf, because I helped my bf with some small things of his startup; and about I was “busy” playing video games all day but actually I did quite some houseworks and helped my bf with some personal paper works...",2.106592825260371,3.856778908745248,3.4513142668209618,90.68496941643248,77.40304182509506,6.703190610018186,23.602082988923787,7.586124646067393,0.9221047776491984,995,32,219,14,23,325,142,263,0.091,0.7559999999999999,0.153,0.8863,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,2,1,8,12,13,1,1,12,0,12,1,0,2,4,41,39,20,0,4,8,0,1,0,8,0,1,4,0,1,12,14,0,1,6,9,4,3,8,3,0,2,10,5,35,10,28,26,5,25,0,0,0,0,36,10,0,5,11,133,47,7,0.0,0.0,0.10654126764019864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047983358846585,0.08730902430095855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448188815154185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719091825689774,0.2041320213702544,0.0,0.20515128029921,0.0,0.0,0.06655345115155528,0.0,0.09290181647007972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35977831739441624,0.0704103078870763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05520330870779717,0.0,0.0,0.11959836401151233,0.0,0.09286613107436367,0.0,0.11970724260865895,0.08435008887128839,0.0,0.05704061805473504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193090200644344,0.0,0.0,0.10778995222896358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635844699915526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000097299652031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711513537489241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330617376635118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190712636800714,0.0,0.0,0.11611126646642447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398134446712767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095329382012125,0.0,0.0,0.10320781045764654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23224693354645884,0.0,0.0,0.06994175554807207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236765653857584,0.0,0.31155775864638724,0.08682214808020262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163684445570268,0.08718910977737608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20579657201430493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506505543567386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348728729521367,0.2086471225626325,0.0,0.0,0.11875351997804992,0.0,0.113657389619483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439558321496426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974117684928225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,smozin,2020/01/08,"I stood up for myself I went to a mental health evaluation today. It was a new facility I've never been to, which is why I had to do another mental health evaluation with them. I mentioned to them that my last dr believed I had BPD, and wanted me to start DBT. She told me right off the bat she didnt 'didnt like' the BPD diagnosis, and thought doctors slapped the label on patients when they were frustrated (whatever that means). I almost stood up and walked out, but I fuckin need to be on meds so I sat through it. She proceeds to ask me the list of questions for depression. For generalized anxiety. For bipolar. She doesnt ask me ANY questions about my relationships, if I have fears of abandonment, or anything close to BPD symptoms. At the end, she says 'I dont think you have BPD, I think it's a mix of bipolar, PTSD, and anxiety.' I must have made a face, because she asked if I was upset by what she said. I hate confrontation but something took over me and I snapped. I told her it was ridiculous to me that she hadnt asked me a single question related to BPD and shes already dismissed it. That I knew coming into this that there was a stigma against BPD, but that was her problem, not mine. I could find another doctor who was willing to at LEAST look into the issue. I reiterated that I was upset over her lack of looking into it, rather than being upset she thought it could be something else. Man, did she back pedal. I'm considering calling and telling them it concerns me their only doctor running mental health screenings so clearly stigmatizes certain mental health conditions. I dont care if it turns out I dont have BPD. I've wondered if I had depression, bipolar, autism, ADHD, cPTSD, a mix of them... but she didnt even try to look into it. It was really upsetting, but damn am I proud I said something. It made me feel strong, I guess. I'd like to add she insinuated they would forcibly hospitalize me, and only said 'we're not going to do that' when I broke down crying because it would ruin my life. Idk how they allow people like this to treat patients. I'm glad I'm at a point where I can handle that sort of thing.",3.289407008086254,5.0543726037735865,4.496835579514826,84.39937735849058,74.14150943396227,7.2042048517520225,27.208625336927234,7.957251820313856,1.6809802695417786,1680,64,333,25,35,552,207,424,0.171,0.757,0.071,-0.9936,0,0,3,0,0,0,53.0,0,1,8,2,11,26,6,5,14,0,41,15,1,4,4,64,80,23,0,14,13,0,1,3,0,4,13,4,0,1,28,18,0,1,12,0,0,6,11,17,0,0,33,9,68,9,48,38,3,37,0,5,4,1,44,21,2,12,13,232,96,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583583166149974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318711319704293,0.0,0.06963415805624927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04291123541441872,0.13233500838576034,0.09654506559744254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05192722031116817,0.0,0.2359658212841155,0.0,0.0,0.04852121679085397,0.0,0.07693226988520578,0.0,0.0,0.07109386740002159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.556319580539519,0.0,0.06443376410873837,0.0,0.06433626206542807,0.0,0.0,0.0543564201882319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076294736782504,0.0,0.06931411803524891,0.0,0.0,0.10869858960958176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19376141013574044,0.0,0.0,0.22186373077496202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05271326959448118,0.0,0.05588926665161776,0.0,0.0,0.04167799571522427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100681609900905,0.03190605273341513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05767369713361348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035862079724571144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951349991905491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622997421794728,0.0,0.26829609740820104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586165086977191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051436206362317216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04457050914899672,0.09248472771078724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589682934953892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194164735785481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873611494737232,0.07009162552295432,0.0,0.25436618717879106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046789018925995095,0.04866782537427529,0.06094389515421294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598318377994326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043746687456034966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059651385397789976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06037968602207638,0.07376236536336231,0.0,0.2120646192345824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04042448528939754,0.0,0.0,0.0677474773434524,0.0,0.05388840098367266,0.18007214620945722,0.05018090581740897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457360278302436,0.0,0.0,0.04466362015947973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558669845653982,0.0,0.0,0.05515355859610567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041921883097676124,0.08086588373282272,0.0,0.10019120540036842,0.0,0.0,0.05981291561990736,0.12059251974181763,0.07010817256302533,0.04284182789712127,0.06863639443704501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0372189443341368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05849579298856467,0.056939357370655225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843096726225104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965109800394028,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,allyinchains,2020/01/08,"DAE feel like they're the ""only"" one in a relationship that is hurting/sad/upset/etc. or ""forgets"" other people maybe also be just as upset as they are? Not sure if I'm wording this right. I notice when I argue with my boyfriend I often talk a lot about the pain/hurt I am feeling and forget or have a hard time realizing he too is also feeling pain/hurt/sadness. I am usually a highly empathetic person so I have no idea why this happens to me but it's almost like I feel like I am the /only/ one in the situation suffering which only exacerbates my sadness. Does anyone else also have this experience or know why it happens?",2.9034181818181817,4.879725320000002,5.267418181818184,77.53770909090909,75.8,7.105454545454546,25.763636363636365,8.00094639256281,1.7766799999999998,495,18,90,8,11,174,83,125,0.147,0.747,0.106,-0.6103,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,9,8,1,1,8,0,10,0,0,0,1,23,18,13,0,1,7,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,0,5,12,4,7,17,1,7,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,7,6,64,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288791334605934,0.0,0.0,0.3183796692193943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927925338624016,0.1359750501701414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161336834356442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086052278119747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800452313869614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298139091603938,0.0,0.0,0.2684046512858444,0.18961327336391512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23470652929965904,0.0,0.11888032025810348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021331030808384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28413336231598435,0.14981120237508067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293285769874389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945033070831942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282361372671505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332304421318053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108896143276002,0.0,0.0,0.17985277901062344,0.3027912899514669,0.28242138180085136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200303222757099,0.11587552510527982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424787499083301,0.0,0.11333192478575085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916937579427825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250757392090879,0.0,0.0,0.10666568034795193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738311422473157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461591362268448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394966949876749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MsGeekChic,2020/01/08,"What does friendship say about you? Hello everyone! As fellow individuals who have BPD, one of the symptoms that we can struggle with is having an intense fear of abandonment and an unstable sense of self, as well as chronic feelings of emptiness. With that being said, I was curious to see if and how others use friendships and relationships to define themselves? For example, I define having friends or being in a relationship as a reflection that I am a kind, sociable, pleasant person to be around. I and other individuals have mutual interests or perspectives and we get on. It affords me some self-esteem (which I realize can be a slippery slope because I am letting others validate me instead of me validating myself). &#x200B; So, what does having friends or being in a relationship say about you? :-)",9.09526595744681,9.626181177304966,9.444033687943268,58.74562500000002,59.92198581560285,12.156382978723405,42.447695035461,11.698219412168324,5.651190780141842,650,35,91,18,8,217,90,141,0.08800000000000001,0.684,0.228,0.9625,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,2,2,0,0,7,9,0,2,8,0,17,2,0,2,0,21,22,15,0,1,4,0,1,0,3,0,2,3,0,2,11,10,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,2,5,14,6,21,14,1,4,0,1,1,0,17,4,0,5,0,86,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693960205933928,0.18997211417526155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917713937945275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530436704610748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19690672839438791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736311145765621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493910654350688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592772641111865,0.07905099291195113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415782109286813,0.0,0.08168201506554412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628056816848656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15986984289911374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594109074229248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651142437186506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5035569955356167,0.0,0.0,0.14871663037919944,0.2486581755024062,0.0,0.0,0.12458398586696245,0.0,0.3261966986987066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344214935752058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16249874837623798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350289152949443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056984299691416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18997211417526155,0.0 bpd,playtotheaudience,2020/01/09,"I made a very important realization thanks to my therapist It's that I'm all alone with my problems. And that's ok. All the resources about BPD I've read led me to believe I could share the burden with others, but that never led to solutions, only more stress. I would let myself get away with too much and blame others. Recently, however, this severely strained one of my relationships. After my therapist was gone for the holidays, I finally got to talk to her again. She helped remind me what I'm doing wrong. She helped me realize that I need to take more responsibility for the things I do. It's going to be difficult and there's going to be lots of pain, I know that. But I guess things have to get worse before they get better, regardless of how much I'd love to complain about getting dealt a shit hand in life. I find it funny that I used to think therapy wasn't doing anything for me when this has me feeling a little more optimistic about the future. It feels like I unlocked a perspective I was missing, and it was exactly what I needed.",4.053276699029127,5.677445529126217,5.24095873786408,80.41930218446602,71.86407766990291,8.839320388349515,26.95266990291262,9.354420925462401,2.348476699029128,833,29,160,19,16,276,121,206,0.20800000000000002,0.6409999999999999,0.151,-0.9389,1,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,1,8,16,1,2,9,1,14,5,2,5,4,32,37,8,0,6,2,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,19,7,0,0,6,2,0,5,2,10,0,1,7,3,27,6,26,25,8,15,0,1,0,1,11,3,1,2,8,116,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846988807469016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002133222402677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256128386546185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376639586121115,0.15063086291615752,0.0,0.11824423162199807,0.0,0.0,0.16838683346888006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674626565600398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352025549107007,0.0955132442041048,0.0,0.14645865217144624,0.12219673910718605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27940489348227554,0.0,0.15196630067922134,0.0,0.10692979468833874,0.0,0.1472824430581801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922871318991446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347643679473594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367143562460222,0.0944342247686448,0.06531765608443801,0.1339996306658726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366450437451395,0.12066686431950165,0.12650744093249147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656552280773945,0.19826943036217287,0.10311545567118392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059662384214573,0.10168267901971384,0.14226315452417573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793008090187616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373329328567005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200976969641173,0.14354066455855752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510396822612052,0.1372381651621376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531495911667135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005235901260058,0.1074606750310948,0.0,0.12309033882903625,0.15289430047514002,0.3104653056737651,0.17764484215051482,0.08566771152436316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547137905675207,0.0,0.1103141200766008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362487801580716,0.09497459308079806,0.14617680488439586,0.0,0.0 bpd,freespiriting,2020/01/09,"i’m so fucking ugly and it kills me So i’ve basically had a big fat breakdown tonight that started with me watching a film with angelina jolie in it with my housemates. For some reason that just fucking triggered me, and now i’m cycling between “don’t eat tomorrow” “go to the bridge” “cut yourself” and i can’t stop fucking hysterically crying about my ugly face. it fucking hurts my heart that i have this face forever and it’s only gonna get fucking worse. i feel so alone in this world. i want comfort and i want to be held but i can’t tell anyone about this, who the fuck would want to listen to some whiny little white girl crying about being ugly?? last week i decided that i wanted to work towards acceptance of myself. it was going well for about half a day. it’s fucking exhausting going between these 2 states of trying to actively help myself and then dipping into a state of total hysterics and irrationality. i went for a walk instead of cutting myself; i cried the whole fucking time in public but i guess it’s something. it’s probably not even really about being ugly, it’s probably because i feel ducking inferior and like a second-class citizen. why am i below everyone. i am tired and i am alone and hurting. fuck the past fuck them they all made me sad. if you read this post, bless you. i’m sorry you had to read that absolute disgrace of a post. i am so grateful to be able to have this platform to vent because i can’t talk to fucking anyone",2.27581609195402,4.698397593103451,4.00827586206897,83.54264367816093,79.9655172413793,6.349425287356322,26.218390804597703,7.554174236665415,1.664749425287357,1162,48,215,18,30,389,155,290,0.266,0.64,0.09300000000000001,-0.9956,0,2,1,0,0,1,22.0,0,3,2,1,14,24,14,0,11,0,18,18,4,3,2,38,49,18,1,6,5,0,2,1,0,2,3,1,0,2,21,14,2,2,5,3,0,5,5,19,1,1,6,5,32,5,35,37,5,30,1,4,2,11,13,10,11,4,12,147,53,3,0.07547064486182432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632965464249535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554165933456873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920124092291365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24870287865674104,0.04867232240520531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722531096079116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04984764915063127,0.0,0.0,0.07211543538890583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632045136258102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7674853456268579,0.03943029700430871,0.0,0.12867512009000434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313942395103581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943307753824921,0.050586382397963946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615857724911742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349708663330145,0.0,0.0,0.06151864849517416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03687114490996648,0.07564141300135396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141214897210975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05739882625492309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204527020207872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456003152900934,0.0,0.16274023968299542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098213658030446,0.0,0.04834842763479325,0.0775963925361073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581009895767371,0.0,0.08448320805011099,0.05341851087847657,0.0,0.0,0.06309683845626028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066044556271684,0.06596467011256002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04400753993777868,0.08674240408831002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051239613837940436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780581668659489,0.0,0.060537998989034066,0.0,0.06785717339085882,0.06996204389494687,0.06810051827991458,0.0842602797761188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494352831045023,0.0,0.07691103475177077,0.053612180751255054,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Aimilia97,2020/01/09,"DAE have intense nightmares I know this doesn't make much sense, I just wanna see if it has anything to do with bpd, but does anyone else experience intense nightmares at night? I mean I just had a nightmare so strong I couldn't recognize the people around me for like 5 minutes, I thought everyone would hurt me I just kept screaming... I know it's probably just anxiety but I just thought maybe I should ask, because lately in this group I've noticed that I, just like other people here too have symptoms that I didn't know were symptoms of bpd",2.8058233276157845,5.36933568867925,3.1964837049742734,89.30880789022301,78.90566037735849,5.741337907375644,27.560891938250432,6.980632752743323,1.413275471698113,437,19,83,5,11,135,71,106,0.065,0.789,0.146,0.8079999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,10,5,0,0,2,0,11,2,0,1,0,23,21,4,0,5,9,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,7,2,0,1,6,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,2,14,3,8,12,1,5,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,1,4,55,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257055636798734,0.0,0.0,0.11489747374264038,0.1683668836950292,0.13522266434126862,0.14628104992298088,0.1536185013192935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016891377354993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4139145709540672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437989274327775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726959998997446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15701631746701106,0.0,0.16073804215006296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17590965661374605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27092053919477715,0.0,0.18536190658523008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055845363296795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096859347707457,0.0,0.1650831196665883,0.17899437990237166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079527294567828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542046772051031,0.0,0.0,0.18708121501203345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22783979571644916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17716646235941405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094302941895064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34158609135999674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26090596909704555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672934022433785,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gregdoucetteismydoc,2020/01/09,"DAE feel calm after caffeine when manic I've noticed lately when getting manic or impulsive episodes that I feel calmer even to points of sleeping after having caffeine, the longer after I've had it the more sleepy/chill I get. Is this because of the caffeine or maybe something in the drinks (sugar free red bull/monster or pre workout) ? It also kind of turns my brain off, as in my response time is slower and I'm very patient which I'm usually the opposite to. Does anyone else have similar experiences?",6.7148771929824616,7.582938400000002,6.608157894736844,75.88627192982459,65.0,8.438596491228072,34.780701754385966,8.344100000000001,2.9420175438596483,408,18,67,5,6,129,68,95,0.0,0.909,0.091,0.8156,1,0,2,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,5,0,5,4,2,0,0,6,12,8,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,4,12,11,1,12,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,3,8,40,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751813927010546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521428855490838,0.2274457846433275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531756774308887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24780422874594815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19425708407159054,0.0,0.0,0.21745688781826064,0.0,0.0,0.1854366559040684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661636831998806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21714002965734447,0.0,0.0,0.2244805441779235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319518391361104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23115907007381306,0.0,0.0,0.2504042562350136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22300976807260373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527268593835431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20984381187709594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221413292543751,0.0,0.0,0.17089183206608238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943891626416312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414516032799976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444807292242909,0.18315758693805734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_temporalVoid,2020/01/09,"diagnosis rant siigh. i don't know if anyone else can relate to this but, i was never actually diagnosed? mostly because i don't see any positive outcome from the diagnosis. i fit 8/9 symptoms, i've been this way for like, years, and even though i'm 16, i still really relate to and understand people here-? i even cried the first time i found this community since i found out it existed, because i felt so understood lol. but like, i don't want the stigmatic label of a borderline slapped on my record so i can forever be constantly monitored by my psychiatrist in case i need to be hospitalized-? i don't know. that's just me. i'm not trying to self-diagnose or anything. i might have bpd, i might not. but like, it fits all of my ""weird"" behavior over the last few years? and life definitely feels less ostracizing when i can say that i'm a part of the community at the very least^^",2.928706896551724,5.099307316091959,5.062744252873569,78.13480603448278,76.41379310344827,9.40747126436782,26.96695402298851,9.827888789773867,2.9023229885057478,699,28,137,22,16,242,110,174,0.061,0.81,0.129,0.9233,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,8,1,14,3,0,0,2,27,28,12,0,3,8,0,2,3,0,2,3,1,0,0,7,4,0,0,8,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,6,4,20,3,15,18,6,17,0,0,1,0,1,7,0,5,12,91,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.1446605104716606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080804249585933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365260708454466,0.15188903526965436,0.12198859765433764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18073102433412652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867026445062197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019439400733018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16283429011024278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300920240127382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238352023673176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19582177593473907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495441901783359,0.0,0.1423333070456922,0.0,0.0,0.12609256698647392,0.0,0.3250742403667394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629372650564939,0.1208350966063302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470604579341523,0.2172672091876969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145176761467964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991781902057302,0.11433155352275153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052909054987474,0.0,0.10277070528338196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496611299048124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788611624130288,0.0,0.0,0.11812780504838415,0.0,0.15464628043147874,0.0,0.0,0.12262536686931926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838437262225687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540777519294719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456446993415343,0.0,0.08643972957574915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064498879009484,0.0,0.0,0.15432269922633496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231323269395887,0.08743558384772059,0.11766573084592515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19092294333083776 bpd,mistyphenoix,2020/01/09,"Does anyone else get triggered by losing things? Ive been diagnosed with BPD, Anxiety and depression, ASD, Psychosis (comes and goes) and paranoia. When I lose something, its like the worlds falling apart around me. Say, if i lose a remote, I will look for it and end up freaking out and I’ll feel like im about to start crying. I try and keep myself calm, but then I end up angry, hurting myself and wanting to smash things, upset and crying, unable to calm down no matter what. It doesnt matter how big or small, I will end up in what ive just called an ‘episode’ every time, and I lose things a lot! I was just wondering if anyone else experienced this? When ive told others they think im crazy (nothing new). I have lorazepam for if i feel suicidal and it just puts me to sleep, but when im in an episode no med, no matter how strong, can help me.",3.203872987477638,4.456796686046517,4.045581395348837,89.62321109123438,73.4186046511628,6.6876565295169925,23.695885509839,7.010146845296331,0.7078822898032198,658,18,140,6,13,211,101,172,0.271,0.629,0.099,-0.9871,0,0,1,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,1,5,10,13,0,1,5,0,10,2,1,3,0,36,21,22,1,4,9,0,2,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,11,14,0,1,4,0,0,3,4,8,0,0,3,5,19,5,17,16,1,25,0,6,1,0,5,12,0,6,12,88,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847009161777477,0.0,0.0,0.15483676310929298,0.2268925715854302,0.0,0.09856476185471418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944865427122738,0.0,0.11305805882503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953759482495566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24324264592114586,0.0,0.0,0.09536344576686964,0.11237902558830676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689229770252264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849856210360456,0.0,0.2941966258306545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932868370426322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119672717155368,0.07909878162655197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057846916516931426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421364944699313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852863662933373,0.0,0.358791574800262,0.0,0.0,0.09841351037963623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818493410067102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929773746519279,0.4954718880479372,0.0,0.09413065052002033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229855686863628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069345952184878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062393519722675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130473197792408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804942378073025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108005090728982,0.0,0.0,0.08523808718025501,0.0,0.0,0.07836857376215957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111030885877155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206734368636856,0.07094525646968693,0.0,0.0,0.06456204193993338,0.0,0.0,0.10579822845535106,0.0,0.07517198421607756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530584789107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200717113023674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,doggirl12345,2020/01/09,DAE almost want something bad to happen so they can get attention from others? I know it sounds so awful and I truly don’t wish death upon any family members but it’s always in my mind.,1.6642105263157916,3.985217789473687,3.951842105263157,83.65039473684213,81.63157894736842,5.905263157894738,17.394736842105264,7.1686216300943375,0.4323473684210528,148,3,27,2,4,51,35,38,0.175,0.701,0.124,-0.4706,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,8,7,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458542657919472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873888848575976,0.0,0.0,0.2348743765552139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28838294800247105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255992553791621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804499702567025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30542376775877345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18981515561780485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487414798639364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658950765666697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037176572079359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971769439070745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,littlebunny12,2020/01/09,"Do i (21f)want to sleep with a 50 year old guy? Recently i have been talking to some old man about sex, he wants to teach me. I am still a virgin but have experienced some sexual abuse in the past by my father. I really don't know if I'm just curious or crazy. I keep switching between not wanting it at all and REALLY wanting it. The guy is pretty manipulative and a bit of a creep. I'm afraid to do it but also i never expected someone to have sex with me. I'm used to other people using me so it's not that bad? I just want to find out if I'm still affected by my trauma and tbh this seems like the only thing that can. I am aware thats its stupid and not smart and there are risks, but i wanted to ask you if you have any advice on this and/or experience with this.",1.465920826161792,2.8855151445783167,3.8198278829604138,88.7951807228916,78.27710843373494,7.152495697074013,20.290877796901885,7.957251820313856,0.648598623063684,598,14,138,10,14,208,101,166,0.14300000000000002,0.767,0.09,-0.8826,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,2,0,0,8,7,1,2,7,0,13,4,1,4,2,39,28,14,0,9,12,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,13,9,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,1,16,2,20,27,4,12,0,0,0,3,9,4,0,7,9,95,29,1,0.0,0.17469705172313635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408058844584615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791092834124248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026698866516144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378402538377513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310959672432488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097068055901514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422854240256264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476116175464134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919855189028568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105501830495556,0.0,0.0,0.08103137658497299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720336997643446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371791671886587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094353893685854,0.0,0.0,0.1121378201672086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075199931681046,0.1022191175092281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000357391741764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188912827568934,0.0,0.145583180510624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342274968515233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755050082790008,0.0,0.12492883841897705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354979673042583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850991700707908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979552543007076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546885834236369,0.0,0.0,0.5217978135991246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494911378553292 bpd,shinningstag72,2020/01/09,Communication techniques? The love of my life has a severe case of BPD. No matter how many times he runs into trouble he won’t admit he needs help. He most recently painted me black and blocked me on all sources. I respect his decision that he doesn’t want to speak to me anymore and I acknowledge his pain though I can’t help but feel sorry for him for isolating himself from people who genuinely love him. I’m reading as much as I can on BPD and learning ways to effectively communicate without triggering when he decides to unblock me. Im wondering from a BPD perspective if there’s a way to tell him that I’ll always be there for him and that I’m not out to get him?,5.7428333333333335,5.8346163481481526,6.637175925925927,77.5335416666667,67.0,10.00925925925926,34.65277777777778,9.827888789773867,3.2613888888888902,537,24,106,11,8,179,89,135,0.076,0.764,0.16,0.9111,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,4,0,6,4,0,3,1,26,16,11,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,8,1,0,1,6,2,0,0,0,3,17,3,20,14,3,10,0,0,1,2,22,4,0,3,3,67,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413629353014778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987301986061933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6090998847819126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815105897551739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422347367349685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161059474478111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741301269741118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386455469053675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909893908761241,0.0,0.0,0.16343756659293493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850494763338855,0.11953219530442477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17153453399391685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175993232914724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124960971064994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15917146223318268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821168776829161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804569021705199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409011364027768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838406185523085,0.0,0.09400050628530243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095083466704211,0.2559156148737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539681696971955,0.17482101423412408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,builto-spill,2020/01/09,"Can bullying ""cause"" BPD? Sorry for posting two threads back to back. On my lunch break and had an interesting day with lots on my mind. So, I have a background in psychology and work as an addictions counsellor. I have a lot of experience working with people who are diagnosed with mood disorders, schizophrenia, etc. I haven't had a lot of experience working with people who have personality disorders, though. I had a meeting with a client today, and she told me she was diagnosed with BPD when she was in her twenties (she's ~40 now). I was diagnosed recently so I was even more ""all ears"" than I usually am. She told me about her childhood trauma, and I won't get into it, but like.... It was baaaaaaad. Like... Sooosooosooooooo bad. I'm a little shook, tbh. Anyways, so, im sitting here on my lunch break, thinking about her life and comparing it to mine. Sure, my family life wasn't perfect, but I grew up fairly privileged. My dad had an affair and my parents split up when I was about 14, but other than that, nothing really traumatic happened. I think I was maybe sexually abused by a childhood friend when I was about 6, but I'm not positive, nor do I think it had any major impacts on me if it did happen. THAT SAID! Holy fuck, from ages ... I dunno, 12 to 17, I was bullied horribly in school. I don't exactly know why, I guess I was the weak link and an easy target because I was shy and nerdy? I dunno, but the bullying was really bad. Like... Someone threw a full can of pop at the back of my head once and i got a concussion. People would spit on my lockers and graffiti it, start rumors about me, etc etc. Gooood timesssss. Anyway, around the age of 15 though, I had developed a pretty thick skin and began just using humor as a defense mechanism and... I dunno... Slowly I became sort of popular via just being kind of funny and likable? Also, I hit puberty so I got boobs. That probably helped. So even though I was still getting bullied, I was also getting invited to the ""cool kid"" parties and stuff. It was a strange dynamic. I think maybe this messed up my head up pretty good and kind of led me to where I am today? It's created this identity problem that I've struggled with my whole life - ""Am I a fun and likable person, or am I a giant loser?"" And bounce between those thoughts like..... Every minute of every day. I'm a fairly confident and successful person, but I still sometimes feel like I'm that awkward 15 year old girl just trying to hang out with the cool kids. I guess I'm just surprised that I ended up with a personality disorder yet lived a fairly normal family life because I was always under the impression that things would have had to be very hard in childhood to develop one. Sorry if this post sounds ignorant and douchey, my brain hurts from thinking about my brain too much.",3.470230978260872,5.400479755514708,4.748276854219951,82.08335997442457,74.05514705882355,8.03925831202046,27.45108695652174,8.779410014580577,2.2229283567774933,2193,85,417,45,46,725,264,544,0.153,0.711,0.136,-0.8663,1,0,0,0,1,0,100.0,0,0,0,6,38,37,2,3,28,2,44,20,8,3,4,77,75,44,0,6,14,2,4,5,1,3,9,3,0,7,24,31,2,2,9,0,0,5,6,14,0,2,33,9,63,22,60,36,12,60,0,2,0,2,27,24,2,12,31,293,87,5,0.0,0.07945679878641926,0.0,0.0731068299227754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725796246152934,0.05580046101320625,0.0,0.0,0.045604054932272216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05969886816090245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469824263092252,0.11198694378774586,0.08176001991148553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892298362825298,0.14972541270387862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889053569617314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649811655464625,0.0,0.0,0.20419774287699352,0.0,0.0,0.230574539660846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05939649981851525,0.0,0.22437357987213188,0.08858685086588954,0.0,0.11300425184336466,0.0,0.0,0.13119784403804266,0.1264390483627544,0.0,0.03390826126245073,0.047908681025090806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0518114750349122,0.06199718817171245,0.10511044853177967,0.0,0.0,0.05624792468225616,0.10727026327060744,0.0,0.1477513960261274,0.0,0.11860435767218187,0.0,0.06007384654422615,0.0,0.1376486971858859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04494984607791218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179062089001205,0.0,0.07243782503398112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966826693070455,0.03685519429888622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18946981395061027,0.16381407503910533,0.06721314532393792,0.059216449105367115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103962479748758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474438967665442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067712901841969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049297848749657945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065705938269588,0.06434722661067095,0.0,0.07036966344864992,0.07141820751887845,0.045442543489868856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446375390488702,0.0,0.0,0.13947580291614786,0.2342217281478665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845257672564148,0.13645111548750347,0.07230353681831582,0.06416870760189976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592250630598577,0.0,0.06621504694224688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379075292053467,0.0,0.0,0.06786972194679422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05682091070780855,0.0,0.06632544415336819,0.15013950466533332,0.047466407516728135,0.0,0.10711064908158976,0.0,0.0,0.07010714094235547,0.07676926425390956,0.0,0.0,0.06320458043298566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04455261754147318,0.2148512020385246,0.19766246933041345,0.0532392646201196,0.0,0.0,0.12713274102908131,0.12816009237709033,0.0,0.0455302918676348,0.0,0.06550924813623314,0.0,0.0,0.05791952218621781,0.0738586630795151,0.05533268224058821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051248714380121,0.07487166361536064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646450428711927,0.0,0.0,0.09527699584096433,0.0,0.0,0.04318534602955045 bpd,mollyganggang,2020/01/09,"I caused all my own problems. I am the bad guy in my own life. It really feels this way sometimes. I had really bad quilt problems growing up. I grew up impulsive and without a filter at all. So naturally, I did bad things sometimes and I guess all kids do but if i ever hurt anyone or even just slightly offended someone, I would cry myself to sleep. I really felt the weight of the world on my chest those nights. I cant stop blaming myself for everything fucked up Ive ever done. I cant control the voice in the back of my head that tells me its all my fault and its the end of the world. I wanna apologise to everyone for being fucked up. Im sorry. I dont show my pain at all anymore. i wanna scream but my body freezes up infront of ppl because im used to being screamed at and hurt for opening up..,",1.0895693277310947,3.1496889583333365,3.154593837535017,90.04726890756304,82.03571428571429,6.0957983193277325,22.97759103641457,7.285733465282438,0.9041746498599444,627,22,134,9,17,212,97,168,0.266,0.66,0.07400000000000001,-0.9888,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,6,14,3,0,8,0,12,9,4,3,7,30,18,9,0,6,6,0,4,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,7,5,1,2,2,1,0,2,4,14,0,0,4,7,25,0,25,11,7,24,0,2,0,2,3,15,2,3,6,97,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580488715564625,0.08869912941090136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754274522980673,0.3177528835189353,0.07732890164017757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090597934916754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303138004260724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227732803452034,0.0,0.0,0.13934294734371688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981548442070956,0.1486717137920568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235481833809008,0.0,0.0,0.08378574130287278,0.2294930568749375,0.0,0.12121424613586575,0.11400801965552895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414109494572541,0.0,0.12179954538750687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345485958192363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974376697648405,0.12560521010791267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301886004566723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715992421479905,0.0,0.2740477535668616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960059343571215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119043701951348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498139155196334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24276391732275274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437973857885423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694541652376998,0.0,0.10748281666238177,0.0,0.25092331204074986,0.14200244815424234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605546046815786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087581619905347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427603083773352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956095752014217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069064523401856,0.0,0.15447375893034174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228254048285325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011330290689597,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yeetdolly,2020/01/09,"My bf cheated I don’t have anywhere else to write, I literally have no friends so I’ll vent here. I’ve been together with my bf for 16 months, he was my fp and my EVERYTHING. I found out he cheated in July, but I couldn’t let him go so I forgave him. Dumb, but it is so hard to let him go. I forgot to say: he only cares about being sexual, always asks nudes and when he cheated he asked my best friend for nudes. He made a new account to spam her. So today I logged in onto his mail (he gave me his email a while back). I found out he paid several girls for nudes and videos. I confronted him and he started to manipulate me. He said he did it so I would leave him, that he did it for a friend, for a bet. He changed his story times and times again. I just want to die. I have never been enough and never will be.",-0.206375598086126,1.7182261136363657,2.035131578947368,96.97039473684212,86.1590909090909,5.2961722488038285,17.785885167464112,6.5966054737557815,-0.2752909090909088,620,15,152,7,19,209,98,176,0.154,0.713,0.134,-0.2354,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,1,11,10,5,0,4,0,17,3,3,2,2,24,31,15,1,3,3,0,1,0,5,2,0,2,0,1,4,9,0,1,2,1,3,2,5,5,0,0,12,3,28,5,18,12,2,19,0,0,0,3,36,5,1,1,12,95,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976328201574436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29158527097292714,0.0,0.0,0.11991628337446597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16366039441872707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590018953223369,0.0,0.16497491647893547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185196401649127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027660459409462,0.0,0.0,0.16113852126950978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015822457902732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419832766967739,0.3614608333620665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17726048929011934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970098722023175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512902777074104,0.0,0.31893983827780503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756410321436805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447817542345857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405572293850921,0.15061793344461016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860735804453998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483446070322776,0.12401807126819778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617963890797114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103825436748578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818719436135446,0.0,0.14782280852202012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198362635687464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078273778058847,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,uh_oh_u_wot,2020/01/09,"Lol, I'm probably gonna be homeless. How's everyone? Or not, maybe I'm just being dramatic. Due to my dumb life choices I rented a guardian property when my lease was up. At the time I was working for as a waitress, was on a zero hour contract, got no shifts for a month but luckily found a job before I was going to be homeless so I looked for the shittiest, cheapest place. In the UK, guardians tenants live in shitty cheap properties and as a result can be given less notice and less legal rights then regular tenants. Well this month is that day and of course after waiting 6 months for therapy after my faith suicide attempt I'm fucked. I've found a place, but he wants the deposit and first months rent and I can't afford it right now. I'm fucking annoyed because I've just been staying in bed and doing fuck all, I should have saved up for this but noooo. It would be nice to have some help but because I don't show my symptoms I'm just an attention seeker. I've looked into other properties with rent deposit schemes and looked into getting a loan with bad credit, so maybe I'll be OK. But I'm not gonna lie, I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack and this is the second time I've almost been homeless. It could be worse, but I still wanna die.",3.5057527539779687,4.673667217054266,4.615866993064056,86.15469400244803,72.56589147286822,7.137005303957569,27.532435740514074,7.475848149327749,1.482609302325581,994,36,201,11,19,326,148,258,0.187,0.69,0.12300000000000001,-0.9766,5,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,0,3,10,14,6,0,15,2,25,6,1,2,1,40,50,22,2,5,12,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,6,0,8,12,0,1,4,1,8,2,5,7,1,3,10,4,13,7,26,28,4,32,1,0,3,3,2,13,4,3,17,123,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965398605852895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593941024361747,0.0,0.0,0.09977083602190627,0.14568243875281506,0.0,0.10167889834223401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954046457381935,0.0,0.0,0.07706246023942018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401383960324508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417973496394512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041874989670212,0.08536511484123895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163984149855558,0.0,0.2620336396964861,0.0,0.33140530953087965,0.062429642658639664,0.0,0.13582012439822946,0.0,0.09556867510451343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159860555869522,0.08009297460156313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767555866884133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857738064633723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440073949422283,0.05837775964235306,0.0,0.10551363281578596,0.0,0.3010295772546165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24009156697376335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815095250743205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136042443813489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496874328824718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128832595510003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040910449543544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736258228243086,0.09542647244641217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307048631039404,0.0,0.0,0.12419794964000695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664952570075414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393535023234098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704794826214403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743766617212523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699160542593523,0.0,0.12177256528234072,0.08488369453787054,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Isuckateverything3,2020/01/09,"Girlfriend who suffers with BPD left me. What should I do? My girlfriend of 1.5 years ended things last week because she is confused about her feelings towards me. She says she really cares about me and loves me but isn’t in love with me and that I deserve better. We talked for about an hour that day. About how she’s been going through a rough time recently and her doctor has prescribed her new meds and upped the dosage on her old ones. I’ve been trying to learn as much as I can about BPD and depression and I’ve learned a lot! I also learned that depression can make someone confused about their feelings and it’s also common for someone suffering from depression to push loved ones away. We have been no contact for this past week because I want to give her and I space to heal. I’ve signed up for therapy and so has she but she was put on a waiting list for 12 weeks... I really want to be with her and I love her a lot. She has never physically abused me or yelled at me. I’m pretty sure that she suffers from quiet BPD. In would like some advice on what to do. She kept saying how amazing I am and how I’m too good for her but that’s not true at all. She also said that if she starts feeling better than she will hit me up but I’m Afraid that if I don’t reach out eventually that she will forget about me and move on. Should I stay no contact? Should I give it more time then contact her? Thank you to anyone that has any advice! I appreciate it!",2.3314307692307707,4.095995886666668,3.2273333333333305,92.47546153846157,76.8,6.082051282051282,22.538461538461537,6.844919456158928,0.4654307692307693,1146,33,250,11,26,364,150,300,0.11800000000000001,0.6920000000000001,0.19,0.9781,0,0,0,0,2,0,23.0,2,1,1,2,16,22,0,3,6,0,24,6,0,4,4,55,47,29,0,8,8,0,4,1,2,6,2,5,0,0,17,18,0,2,6,0,0,4,6,9,0,2,6,9,49,13,44,33,6,39,0,6,0,4,42,16,0,8,19,180,66,4,0.0,0.11672263778544212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19253291536631706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363441359307844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699270127551157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888307689466441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925568738276054,0.0,0.0,0.12010608702108935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425474249764558,0.0,0.0,0.3722237089744193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004412933840636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353319339525533,0.0,0.2545491433347532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083295701451572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872539070278352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943447600663914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18900665543341955,0.055987611890090334,0.08262862636232927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970161607035979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030182245506817,0.0,0.0,0.107035434635871,0.0,0.0,0.04812882279927656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750566745801948,0.35564987960192873,0.0,0.06575866668748563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942652396804478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470448367031,0.07241891230321422,0.0,0.07597984666580014,0.09514515541681222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033735673127083,0.0,0.13351087949251111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404248366978628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022385983154927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903348865751638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622081098597085,0.0,0.09727040427290576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370909803727004,0.15668411317893066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694069432658987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972851129384046,0.10500250765845112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284800622399568,0.0,0.0,0.07918158881537739,0.0,0.09069818883499467,0.11265901343848984,0.0,0.06544813180386451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488827356293567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688434277621233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621187763468152,0.0,0.2370652687688932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998131339725425,0.0,0.0,0.06343959962187345 bpd,idkmore,2020/01/09,"Where should I go if I think i have BPD? Hi guys, I really think I have BPD and I want to talk to a professional to get professional insight. Im not sure how to do this though. Who would I make an appointment with? I’ve never discussed any kind of mental illness related stuff with a professional before so I’m kind of lost. I’m also under my parents health insurance but really don’t want them to know...",1.8597891566265048,3.9458734578313286,4.2369728915662686,83.16461596385547,79.48192771084337,8.005421686746987,22.423192771084338,8.841846274778883,1.6871698795180734,319,10,66,8,8,111,56,83,0.076,0.888,0.036000000000000004,-0.4381,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,5,4,0,0,3,0,6,2,0,2,2,18,17,7,0,5,3,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,9,3,10,14,0,4,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,1,1,41,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456300773466441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383830337052094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495876659376331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4587121852185446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514285247968632,0.0,0.10349501862481884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803135396358757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935701290296545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967056956970452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792706862818812,0.10008067789461284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987901767002198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155714815850485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835199846312591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404513495096884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022071274117237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333234932305614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20846776564773467,0.0,0.0,0.17163272032916535,0.0,0.0,0.1463698795597443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23337230320490024,0.17891818960879122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21482163704066368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936285526263094,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Xarelta,2020/01/09,"I’m sick of BPD I’m sick of latching onto people who don’t give a fuck about me because I require a FP. I’m sick of being numb, then dropping to an extreme. depression, then jumping to extreme happiness. I’m sick of constantly getting fucked over by people because i’m too trusting. I’m sick of wanting to cut but hate the pain but love the pain but i hate it. I’m sick of feeling fucked up if I forget to take my pills. I just don’t wanna do this anymore.",1.2684240362811825,3.02145098979592,3.4668707482993177,89.60114512471658,79.91836734693878,5.580045351473924,27.21541950113379,6.42735559955562,1.1196018140589572,359,16,76,3,9,123,55,98,0.419,0.489,0.092,-0.9909,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,13,6,0,5,0,4,14,0,0,0,10,22,6,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,10,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,10,0,0,0,1,6,3,16,21,0,8,0,1,0,4,3,3,3,1,3,42,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18636367491203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291055397354268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366755253959575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20307206931880847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185307594681975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501673931138956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.521180129611135,0.09817914293064432,0.18026759875649756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20004168363526995,0.0,0.3710592727526117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960288950370225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3999149594759527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605566807324707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129058084673388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083861613311097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway787283,2020/01/09,Can I talk to someone please? I’d really appreciate it - feeling so awful rn,-0.08999999999999986,1.8011440000000007,4.453333333333337,72.04000000000002,109.0,7.333333333333335,25.0,7.793537801064563,2.955,60,3,10,2,3,23,14,15,0.19399999999999998,0.452,0.354,0.2938,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281124627620898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6103087089825625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35618064286111234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4710874804277258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4468827127114573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,abcdefghijkelle,2020/01/09,"How do I stop lashing out at my S/O? So, some background. My ex before him really hurt me. Cut to current partner. We got together under slightly dubious circumstances which fucked my trust from the get go. He didn't tell me he had a girlfriend at the time. I went to kiss him. He stopped me, but let me think for days afterwards that it was just bc he didn't want me to feel shit about it, but then it came out that he, in fact, had a girlfriend and just never told me. Anyway, it was a dead relationship, they broke up, now we're together. HOWEVER, I'm trying to get past it, but I'm still very distrustful and bitter about the fact I was lied to and its manifesting in explosive anger. I get very snappy about perceived red flags which is followed immediately by intense guilt bc i know I shouldn't have gotten so angry. I feel like i'm actually being abusive. I never used to exhibit BPD anger, but it seems to come out so easily now. I'm new to this symptom. Can someone please talk me through how they manage it? What skills they use?",2.6972301967038845,4.523348263157897,4.125893141945774,86.16264088250935,75.9377990430622,7.515257841573633,25.008240297713986,8.344100000000001,1.5485787347155773,813,28,169,15,18,269,128,209,0.262,0.672,0.066,-0.9943,3,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,3,1,14,13,7,1,6,0,14,4,1,4,4,35,38,13,1,2,6,1,2,1,3,1,1,0,0,1,14,9,0,2,6,0,0,5,5,10,0,0,12,4,24,3,24,23,1,28,0,2,1,2,19,9,2,3,15,104,38,1,0.0,0.18681099073034813,0.1538613829054482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416399366287812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985775315057997,0.0,0.0,0.18033037486992068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581716128708216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016829213905132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944352093541894,0.11263816694829082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576167580052285,0.24712532251789102,0.0,0.08960645033605019,0.0,0.12610163298519747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878702915857002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665029885033812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612263787225202,0.0,0.07702870017678436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432068140418319,0.15227689404415146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051210183742522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730722958021199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100626236026557,0.0,0.0,0.16927660109487275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435351737350864,0.0,0.0,0.16184410327615728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359172261720462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591399841370432,0.2636352878880369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387759112377345,0.0,0.12672769682770646,0.13780892371984368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102739230738578,0.0,0.0,0.09193757361379692,0.0,0.0,0.15065868619633652,0.0,0.1070463328745197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723493392005388,0.0,0.2601854931738976,0.09299676741145632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461599664479686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ToastlyGhostly,2020/01/09,"Small Joy in my Week This year for Christmas, I treated myself to a ""guided"" bullet journal (30% off because Michaels. Hell yeah!) I've been successfully using it for 8 full days now and have been tracking all the dumbest things (like if I wrote down 3 things to be happy about/grateful for, if I made up for snapping at my girlfriend, and a mood tracker.) For the past few days I've been looking at my mood tracker and the (regretfully horrible) colors I picked for happy/successful days. It feels great to look back on my week and see how I felt during each day or how I changed it for the best in some cases. I still may not have been the nicest to others and myself within these mere past 8 days of 2020, but 5/8 of the days ended well and that's all that matters.",6.603088235294117,5.710387895424838,6.445220588235299,82.91724264705883,65.47058823529412,8.695751633986927,31.54330065359477,7.1686216300943375,1.8104124183006527,600,19,123,4,8,189,96,153,0.033,0.845,0.122,0.8818,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,6,12,1,0,8,1,8,0,0,5,2,26,16,12,0,3,5,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,7,6,13,8,22,7,7,26,1,1,4,0,2,11,1,5,16,85,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253201157922059,0.0,0.09934995047350643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710354841060742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240924296651433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6306444351451397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435024163784865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240663543659328,0.0,0.15648455551911314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17968395488738426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17349324145327732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962287807472566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27372115081124315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421383969889882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31116211764881674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987246239919575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015453877043612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21655084482623205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407607695516606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614624375870028,0.0,0.14653690457915272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495256713151456 bpd,vivpal,2020/01/09,"My fp just left for a four day trip and I cant stop crying My husband is my favorite person and while Im getting better at the separation anxiety, I still have it. He left a while ago for a four day trip to hang out with a friend. He kind of decided last minute last night to leave today. I told him earlier in December he could do this sometime January but he literally decided last night to do it today. I had such a hard time all day. I kept snapping and feeling myself get angry for no reason. I felt sick anticipating him leaving. And when he did I cried and I still am. Why cant I just be normal and enjoy my alone time?",1.1900645918966504,3.211505152671755,3.6529770992366433,86.82066353493838,81.44274809160305,6.778860833822668,22.290663534938346,7.882392219407189,1.1023806224310049,489,16,105,9,13,170,83,131,0.159,0.728,0.113,-0.8089,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,6,0,11,1,0,1,1,21,17,10,0,2,3,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,8,0,2,5,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,5,3,16,4,11,10,1,27,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,0,19,66,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443025013166675,0.0,0.0,0.14538182151559514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738328246662636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414657089666667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207466660684094,0.0,0.3083814784254031,0.27158267207248965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097569724284596,0.0,0.1347779869529041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845013660005692,0.0,0.14667590520804633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574467064336925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516245583560925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617459372775596,0.0,0.3432628260783557,0.0,0.29726483146404725,0.3050265831280255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634569851205682,0.13753358644914326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256637354573127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432456741156072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388303165205267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22420061417652812,0.11735627930125073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370269175622973,0.0,0.2661102221400383,0.13413032070217834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12666281923709666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Spurnout,2020/01/09,"It's exhausting being told that I need to love myself before others love me This week has been extra tough on me, maybe because of the holidays and maybe not, but I've been super down and just despondent in regards to life. I also have bipolar type II. I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about my issues or how I feel because it always comes down to me needing to make the change. I'm not saying I disagree, but don't you think that if I could've just changed that I would've done it by now? I'm pretty lost in life and starting to get those crazy manic thoughts. I've even been working from home more so that I'm not sad looking in the office prompting people to ask if I'm ok. It seems like it's not ok to say that you don't feel good mentally in society. ""Just snap out of it!"" ""Focus on work!"" I'm sure you guys know what I'm talking about. I work different hours than almost everyone in my company so I never really get to interact with people the same way that they do by going out to lunch and maybe grabbing a drink after work. I recently made the decision to just stick to myself and not engage with society any more than I have to. I stopped using Facebook, Discord, and any other social media. I browse reddit and that's about it but I wouldn't exactly call this social media. Anyways, does anyone have any suggestions here? What do you do when you just want to hole up and not go outside?",3.5026929392446635,4.562305413793107,4.7288177339901525,85.75557471264369,72.44827586206897,7.592775041050904,25.188834154351397,7.957251820313856,1.3398144499178979,1110,33,228,15,21,367,151,290,0.10099999999999999,0.7859999999999999,0.113,0.6992,1,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,5,1,6,17,14,0,0,6,2,17,8,0,4,3,52,48,19,0,6,17,0,4,2,0,1,4,2,1,1,21,13,2,1,8,2,0,3,11,4,0,0,8,7,28,10,40,38,4,25,0,2,1,2,20,12,0,5,11,151,49,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793448103265332,0.0,0.0,0.08619831932859573,0.08968855731945116,0.0,0.0,0.21989936035606308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073626688773986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076757416628083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314135779368428,0.0,0.09171996258589052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006397567759983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280516032431641,0.09285013520896558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606024140991878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261590347421638,0.0,0.0,0.0943263276276616,0.11030492427469284,0.0,0.10559156564749808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119320080307773,0.0,0.0,0.10299640524930816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635031133409713,0.07700403197746386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262994745729925,0.0,0.12251722757938467,0.09040776949442686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672743125588116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812052210931072,0.0,0.10614983063695096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250305239321033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059237668405873176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522682246728506,0.1053199044746277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051508232680967,0.0,0.11766373707133365,0.0,0.19456642177964825,0.1019919604671332,0.0719495729491328,0.0,0.32486371163122457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862532333049524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598474188892242,0.08313303471198982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945376576202854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965952135957822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905198892560649,0.0,0.10642801018587184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714352738432736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812648241391804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197533351069928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629316199206583,0.0,0.0,0.09011590249084007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158926166710493,0.0,0.0,0.17327241526277573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690664342168236,0.0,0.08557192449354391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299640524930816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309454243190554,0.0,0.0,0.06357637242836198,0.08555738976186822,0.08646132749849524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31388486401958504,0.0,0.0,0.07656976436704564,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,emzern,2020/01/09,"I'm scared that I'm gonna ruin my relationship with my BPD Okay, full disclosure: I just read a ton of posts by S.O. and other loved ones of people with BPD, and I am fully aware of its effect on me. That being said, I'm still worried. I was diagnosed with BPD and PTSD last summer. Earlier, I've been told I experience panic attacks and anxiety attacks. I'm still getting treatment and I've been seeing therapists for the past five years or so. This new diagnosis came at the start of my first relationship, and we are still together today. Everything seems to be going great; we communicate well, we have healthy boundaries, and even my therapist agrees that it's a healthy relationship. The only problem is that some of my symptoms are worsening. For example, I used a lot of money last month. So much that my mom (who I live with while I'm still in college) pulled me aside and had a serious conversation about my reckless spending. I also feel as if I'm struggling more with rage and negative thoughts, and I'm becoming more like myself pre-treatment. I do have strategies and techniques to help with this, but I fear it won't be enough and that I might get worse. I really don't want to lose him and despite us being friends before dating, I fear he doesn't understand my illness (though he does try to and communicates well when he is unsure of how/if he can help). I'm guessing I'm not the only one struggling with this and so I'm hoping I could get some advice here.",6.134308316430023,6.22747742068966,6.7284584178499,77.20650101419879,66.17241379310343,9.995943204868155,32.57606490872211,9.773937934552695,2.9761318458417856,1172,45,226,23,17,385,167,290,0.17,0.733,0.098,-0.9614,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,4,0,0,3,16,21,3,6,8,1,22,4,0,2,0,46,51,26,0,5,5,1,1,1,1,3,3,1,0,0,14,26,0,0,5,1,2,3,5,13,2,4,8,3,29,8,26,35,9,25,0,2,1,1,21,4,0,9,18,148,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060203484809966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414579683341807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092829468210755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21095807438117614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239870483773764,0.07889538641162433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503216620142571,0.0,0.0,0.10604361288517608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402702540741875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410586098370444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113732122388201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580150451655202,0.0,0.0612387415877907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332811223073007,0.09069507256877343,0.0,0.20866493157542154,0.04688052975911964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886508115828007,0.0,0.0,0.07163296809700627,0.0,0.1453225062838968,0.0,0.05269324005068565,0.0,0.0,0.10222088245328034,0.10213829108991757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429257757648325,0.0,0.0,0.0920889577546754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115355216218418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04529687063805751,0.0,0.08187085981868812,0.0,0.0,0.10372667046604188,0.0,0.0788247261067586,0.08368076368684549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983581453206974,0.0,0.10858909635412738,0.07400587017363351,0.0,0.06815770491683071,0.0,0.0,0.08954671122390305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565495446185035,0.1410309993895958,0.0,0.10878348916096707,0.0,0.0,0.08850892187905282,0.06427833302606199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887973110625195,0.0,0.0,0.08871770165538961,0.10838127779117558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927421473625973,0.0,0.059396920748580724,0.0,0.0,0.29863026187304714,0.0,0.0,0.08819515301893223,0.0,0.0928259484884104,0.0,0.07388349015996841,0.08440612631094171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562561002237725,0.0,0.29617584534472624,0.0,0.0,0.19385599761875533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636852275286484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153032982464915,0.0,0.0,0.09109403756587447,0.07360698651160423,0.0,0.0,0.08788492873523314,0.08859512108438705,0.0,0.06294879546671825,0.0,0.0,0.0965217259821137,0.11152720339264448,0.0800777681423564,0.0,0.0,0.05468692232280262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672753788663214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415867178386172,0.09448660192942387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05970674473769505 bpd,michaelclary,2020/01/09,"Depersonalization in BPD Hey guys first off I’d like to say I hope all of you are having a great day! I’m here to talk about Depersonalization and Derealization as it relates to BPD. I’m an anxiety sufferer myself but am interested in learning more about BPD. My question to anyone who would like to answer is, how often do you experience Depersonalization/Derealization? And how often do you not experience it? Thanks everyone !",4.669253246753247,7.699064935064938,7.1663474025974025,60.82666396103898,74.97402597402598,9.564285714285717,27.806818181818183,9.827888789773867,3.4361181818181823,348,14,57,11,8,124,53,77,0.077,0.755,0.168,0.8193,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,1,7,7,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,2,1,14,11,6,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,6,6,12,10,2,5,0,1,0,0,9,3,0,4,4,42,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144057160542886,0.0,0.0,0.12927959500316666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6985885723481214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923894636641412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667060266696294,0.0,0.3617163774602679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726759269667834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038422058362353,0.0,0.18307046304608807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18363778350722432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18065612048615093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20711944745674984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470321856134412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860781769973705,0.0,0.17022214524533058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134076266107514,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,oliviajamesing,2020/01/09,"today on my lack of boundaries and confusion within relationships Okay so I had a crush on this guy for 6 months. A bunch of people would randomly point out our connection, like so many people. We naturally get along really well. I eventually asked him if maybe he would be intersted in anything more than friendship. He said he was just interested in friendship so I accepted that answer. He still made jokes that were slightly sexual, but so did I. I know he has a lot of anxities around relationships and seems to think he messes them up with little things. Anyway, he's been a really good friend. So I went out drinking with him and some friends. At the end of the night he kind of went to hold my hand breifly (I don't know if he thought I was his friend). Made a comment about crashing at my house. So now I'm a little confused. He also messaged me the next day (which he knows once you get me talking I wont stop). I invited him on a weekend trip later this year with my friends, but sleeping arrangements got changed which means we now have to share a bed, which he weirdly said he was okay with. Now I'm just here like... how do you share a bed with someone you've had a crush on? And still find attractive. I don't know how I've ended up in this situation. HELP.",2.4388175230566524,4.609774770750988,3.6327124505928867,87.79370635704876,77.97233201581028,7.062516469038208,24.37565876152833,8.07648339933343,1.383060737812912,999,35,207,18,24,324,144,253,0.046,0.757,0.19699999999999998,0.9906,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,3,2,1,0,21,21,0,2,13,2,17,3,2,4,0,46,37,17,0,5,6,0,1,2,4,3,0,2,2,1,9,15,1,2,11,3,0,3,3,4,1,0,16,3,27,17,32,17,5,37,0,0,0,0,39,18,0,8,18,130,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182043632590517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448596926954048,0.10221294525640183,0.10733994235060976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214629117928921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404853328502595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247856925294282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20339049537786102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494216987492737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35483442983364294,0.0,0.11997601576742335,0.0,0.0,0.09630443965600892,0.09183096669242334,0.0,0.0,0.11368851947681828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696052367462294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248531116412954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195659596373562,0.25240531844811204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218918951073838,0.2301569110151249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976147138947524,0.0,0.21728837371240675,0.0,0.11640809391547115,0.1153507708764822,0.1250711747269901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916471543934996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211094139077998,0.10774952899056366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227811950743556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15920159568896147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854074094100696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14711154003248367,0.0,0.0,0.2465445299788407,0.0,0.0,0.21843766680995316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452659054784147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906097809708253,0.11490157491521327,0.0,0.09728547315072476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18338865121272516,0.09599353619724993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228688503787033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628041197568941,0.07357115747336095,0.0,0.09115318611134478,0.0,0.0,0.1088346588420929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323575934242687,0.212876085628878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312775535106053,0.0,0.0,0.07393944886358937 bpd,theoxymorion,2020/01/09,"The unsung hero - in defence of ""just getting by"" So I wrote a super cheesy little poem for myself, in celebration of coping. I'm not doing anything exceptional; it's not like I have anything in particular to celebrate, not in the scope of what society would consider an achievement, anyway, but damn, I'm working, I'm eating well, I'm exercising and I'm COPING and I owe it to myself to recognise how much of a personal achievemt that is 💞 P.S., No matter where you're at on your journey right now, you, too, owe it to yourself to recognise your hard work progress 💞 Wow, girl Look at you Perfectly imperfect And okay with it, too Nourishing your body With water and food Busy and productive Whilst finding time for you Hey, little woman You're doing just fine I know that you struggle From time to time I know all too well That weary look in your eyes But that strength and determination I too, recognise Hey, my sweet You ought to be proud I know it feels awkward To say it out loud I know you'll just shrug And brush it away But damn girlyou deserve A frickin' hip-hip-hooray",3.602190476190476,5.630536076190481,4.3561904761904815,84.6104761904762,73.95238095238095,7.142857142857142,27.380952380952376,7.984000788550335,1.742380952380952,856,33,165,13,18,274,120,210,0.1,0.6859999999999999,0.214,0.9811,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,10,0,9,14,17,3,2,6,1,8,6,2,1,2,34,24,12,0,2,10,0,2,1,0,3,1,2,0,3,12,10,3,1,6,1,2,1,4,5,2,0,1,9,21,12,29,19,2,20,0,0,3,0,17,14,2,0,6,105,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818977280578704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092321877876636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190253492025976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526222251912568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660432546694499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654683702727168,0.0,0.20711248237158852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948674212620572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15343325680720696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37652408273057497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367876701754456,0.34333515766185185,0.0,0.0,0.2876641608585449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591052383636822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955510855411278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627220285370873,0.0,0.13620874810018624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17905906778099165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29962427452096313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080026192030695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493877917725993,0.0,0.0,0.12167241330154932,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Tezaii,2020/01/09,"How important is DBT? I tried DBt but I only lasted 2 months before I got tired of taking the bus 45 minutes there and back. I learned a lot and we were just about to start how to make a life worth living when I quit. I have not been hospitalized in over 1 year now, when it used to be once a month or two months. I can see progress in that I havent needed hospitalization. But, i am still struggling. Would it be a good idea to to back? For those that have been through the whole year, what improvements did you see? Thanks.",1.7197222222222237,3.6179604166666657,2.4979259259259265,96.3896666666667,79.0925925925926,5.801481481481483,19.133333333333333,6.742157984588678,-0.1784066666666666,407,9,96,4,10,127,76,108,0.069,0.762,0.16899999999999998,0.8776,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,1,0,2,11,3,0,1,6,0,13,2,0,4,0,17,22,9,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,5,2,11,2,12,14,2,16,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,2,13,67,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761110864643664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15277572080860466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059003254907544,0.14359491953455594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026793430167422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634945042208625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681474743765256,0.0,0.0,0.15853752913715888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526388917809591,0.0,0.0,0.11984466150301272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4299224837123943,0.0,0.0,0.13312698758096142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912047467638791,0.0,0.1365486219668784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19096339569192225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861410274652389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707967259788788,0.0,0.14338125559890633,0.0,0.0,0.18769468733416855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349920934342041,0.0,0.0,0.16529674775073944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20635536503391386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189619746946748,0.0,0.17538495624200004,0.0,0.0,0.15506532517458185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004505290556498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754040247635182,0.0,0.0,0.2312363594201939 bpd,commedefuckdown_,2020/01/09,I’m starting DBT I’m so happy! My therapist is signing me up for a DBT teen group and I’m really excited and I’ve been really lonely lately so hopefully I make some friends 🥺💖💖,-1.3761666666666663,0.6345750499999987,3.235000000000003,83.74333333333333,98.5,7.666666666666668,21.66666666666667,8.344100000000001,2.1514166666666665,142,6,30,5,6,55,29,40,0.064,0.619,0.317,0.9006,0,2,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,8,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,4,2,7,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744379743230978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3781326233741425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528083185034834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4006976219086805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371085517469021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4551192291570375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514227730152019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4124316121861097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SuperKamiGuru1994,2020/01/09,"How to deal with the paranoia when building a romance? Hi everybody. Sorry if posting this is wrong to post, but I'm really paranoid right now. I have been talking to someone for 4 months and I really really like them. They live in another country, but we are meeting soon in like a week. English is their second language. Meet through a family member of her's. I'm only 26 so still young and they are only 24. The last thing I said was a reply to them answering a previous question about what American food they have tried. I replied to that by saying: ""I bet it was really good! I'm on my lunch break. I was thinking of getting Mexican. Ever had that? I use to have a Mexican friend in HS. He was hilarious, but a troublemaker. Goodnight (insert name)."" It was midnight where they live by the time I saw the message(12 hr time difference). That was yesterday, and I haven't heard back yet. I'm so paranoid they are going to reject me because I said something stupid, or weird. I really don't want to be rejected. I do not like being thrown away over some miscommunication. I'm so scared of my feelings not being returned. Did I say something bad? How do I not worry so much about getting rejected.",2.231716738197424,4.745882437768241,4.048233476394852,82.63871931330473,80.84549356223175,7.161476394849785,26.48738197424893,8.238735603445708,2.114849064377682,940,40,175,20,25,316,140,233,0.179,0.705,0.11599999999999999,-0.9355,0,2,2,0,0,0,36.0,1,0,8,0,16,14,1,1,11,0,24,2,0,3,1,25,40,15,0,2,8,0,1,3,1,0,0,5,0,0,8,5,2,0,4,0,1,1,5,8,0,1,13,7,27,6,24,24,2,27,0,3,1,0,24,8,0,5,18,122,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392724633130789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478796698951054,0.10212973071662727,0.11089844543458037,0.08096532327973256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693071533946713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387677464441487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120142528512776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521007745540005,0.0,0.0671573548524121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060544779950434,0.0,0.10261574863467376,0.0,0.1387850517431641,0.0,0.0754841858355673,0.11140240451612614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826533735770877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19466618855040171,0.0,0.23456349205807164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601498127152516,0.0,0.09763736029743084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20202990281599706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544080691752672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878784917470336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42543675427185945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342683150208067,0.2526828607948069,0.2112462438994088,0.13297514328824794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125372378697345,0.2045013468667345,0.0,0.14868016844232645,0.0,0.0,0.10606954767111844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675500460046107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823914392655191,0.08510515065393025,0.0,0.0,0.1548958331885396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901754868473503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471310410862555,0.0,0.0,0.07834017804596839,0.0,0.10653951352690308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488429772256375,0.0,0.0,0.14521689421175596,0.0,0.0 bpd,9penny9,2020/01/09,"The more I read things about bpd and things that people share in common on here, the more identity loss I feel Most my life I’ve prioritized being unique, completely different from other people. I don’t want to like the same things as people I want to be a complete snow flake. Of course I can’t achieve that fully but I can try to be unique enough. Scrolling through here and learning other people’s experience I realize I have had the exact same experiences. Whether recently or a while ago every small little thing on here that I’ve almost used to identify myself as a person, high sex drive, inconsistent moods. I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel like I’ve lost my individual identity entirely and I don’t know how to get it back.",4.446079545454548,6.0709450347222225,5.412676767676769,79.57272727272729,70.875,8.847474747474747,26.97979797979798,9.339509955726095,2.2960222222222217,591,20,113,13,11,194,90,144,0.037000000000000005,0.893,0.07,0.2871,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,6,6,0,0,7,0,11,2,0,2,1,21,20,10,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,11,3,0,0,6,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,2,15,3,14,15,6,12,0,2,0,1,3,6,0,3,7,76,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376991956746534,0.0,0.15111152732069713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14965915970473978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603814141437516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900620400952952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164461640648605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157665659868608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15592723516943255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714562686187456,0.0,0.0,0.2952319377551434,0.0,0.0,0.15260619184440594,0.10780796619058257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884266093415232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944149424763085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586904318408527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659005246786923,0.14745104131844716,0.1512484239516189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647327790804042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184795552275361,0.1317661413807267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094780290665882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490024227199868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010235291677177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245592367159154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033516590357086,0.0,0.0,0.17801767604279867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_panna_,2020/01/09,"The power of being in love In the last few months, my life seemed to be falling apart, and everything is still a bit chaotic and somewhat triggering, but yesterday I found something inside me. Something really special and important. I just realized that after all those scars, losses and terrible events in the last year, I can finally love someone again. And I can't be more happy about it. It's kind of impossible to make something lasting from it, but that's not the point. I just can see someone beautiful again. Maybe it sounds ridiculous, but this whole thing, at the same time, brings me closer to myself. And I can see who I truly meant to be. I only wanted to tell you, don't know exactly why. I'm just honestly full of joy and motivation after a long time. I hope you all have a nice day.",4.224264069264073,5.909448720779222,5.122792207792209,81.19228354978354,71.53246753246755,8.509956709956711,27.768398268398272,9.075114841892004,2.335668398268398,629,23,118,13,12,205,99,154,0.102,0.657,0.24100000000000002,0.9824,1,0,3,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,3,7,12,1,0,8,0,11,3,0,3,3,29,24,10,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,10,7,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,3,15,9,16,18,9,27,0,1,2,2,6,8,0,3,17,85,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172118607060674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143977247893396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136313381403418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723047547759317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246161561710413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16743934260454885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622559193256622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379451697109415,0.0864430966420876,0.3846398157011667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109938334110156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919770861936892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839227885535039,0.0,0.10499305687024936,0.0,0.15802009079558899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255482867463939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962699924987685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869096763024156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076473150710223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25068134694355315,0.14319194577910555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665445438042345,0.3632712107549738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561290702836433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747938863813902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449724379588797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834354564584512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277438923361417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193078814897936,0.17560993984101952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129033671835072 bpd,wildflower-girl,2020/01/09,"Am I being emotionally manipulated? I am having trouble interpreting interactions, especially one today with my Mother over the phone. Sometimes I can obsess over certain conversations and I was hoping to get some advice on if my perspective is correct... I am visiting my Mother this weekend, every time I visit there is something she needs (a job doing, money, etc.) She needs X job done, I said I would consider and let her know. She then started saying that this thing is getting her down, making her upset and it felt she was guilt tripping me or emotionally manipulating me into doing it. Is this my perspective or does it sound like she is? I hope this makes sense. Hope everyone had an ok day too.",4.472786458333331,7.1038002890625025,6.085625,70.43020833333338,73.453125,8.329166666666666,27.854166666666664,9.075114841892004,2.829247916666666,559,22,89,13,12,190,87,128,0.106,0.778,0.11599999999999999,0.3094,2,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,2,10,0,3,3,1,19,0,0,4,2,24,32,7,0,7,3,2,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,9,5,0,0,3,1,1,3,0,4,0,1,6,4,23,6,7,23,2,14,0,0,0,0,17,5,0,7,7,73,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901604587567236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494618207329484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240448369175454,0.1665273756018601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660944886301357,0.0,0.0,0.18148488085534606,0.0,0.0,0.1371054684354648,0.15549370234714027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624452455261498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003746376300816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4848772532154932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229651205119253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943112486834401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16640053870452826,0.0,0.07950074489476908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21724458155749973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24132169383539365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026879273026732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547917165655648,0.12940794088037127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252760651114268,0.16094228210886144,0.0,0.11517980839429465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108109339222327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488808157660447,0.0,0.15424724050593608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559739507860192,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,superunclever,2020/01/09,"Lack of Identity Learning that BPD could be why I am so lost provided a clarity I didn't even know I needed. Have any of you learned tips or techniques in therapy, or have you done anything that helped you overcome this? I am tired of being so blank, and want to know who I am and what I want.",3.876803278688524,4.332585491803279,4.865696721311477,87.33985655737708,71.13114754098359,8.722950819672132,30.004098360655732,8.841846274778883,2.1233245901639344,229,9,51,4,4,75,43,61,0.134,0.767,0.099,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,10,1,0,0,0,13,16,6,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,9,0,5,10,1,1,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,2,0,38,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880278432969116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22753395816312916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482390364417246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220760827494682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829530333714923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18262405105769425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18533050684001656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039116898091557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30182978267814303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20501946014066794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161990921620031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177933062644754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.326170885799483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494960693096008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sum4492,2020/01/09,"My aunt has BPD and I’m at such a loss. I’m so grateful to have found this sub. I’ve dealt with an aunt who has BPD for what feels like an eternity and never had anyone to talk to about it. I’m really just looking for advice because I don’t know what the correct way to approach it is. My aunt has been divorced for a while now, and has been living in my uncles house. She raised me with so much care and without her BPD symptoms honestly seems like an angel on earth. But then she loses her mind for random things and will start screaming and taking comments completely out of context. She doesn’t care if there are kids in the house who are getting affected. We’ve also been trying to set her up with someone but she has a pattern of falling in love, then fighting and blocking the person, then unblocking and saying she’s still in love, and again and again. My mom (her sister) runs to her side when she has these problems every time to placate her. She’s tried to slip in some constructive criticism here and there but my aunt just doesn’t get it. I almost feel like my mom enables her behavior. For ex, this morning she took offense to a joke my dad made and started screaming at the top of her lungs as if someone was getting murdered. So my mom made my dad leave the house and is now taking her out for the day to calm her down. My aunt came to my room and I was honest and said that idk what happened between them but that reaction and screaming literally gave me palpitations and freaked me out. She got sad and started crying and said don’t worry I’m leaving no one loves me anyways. What was I supposed to do in this situation? I just wanted her to know that even if she gets upset she can’t have an outburst like that but idk if I handled that correctly. There’s only so much I can take. I’m starting to resent her and my parents because of how much they enable her but at the same time I feel sad because I know it’s something she may not be able to control. And I don’t know if I have the emotional bandwidth to help her. If you got this far I just want to say thank you. Also it’s amazing that those in this group are aware of their BPD and are working to get help/talk about it. Unfortunately my aunt will never accept that she needs help.",3.7613994609873127,4.809855960954451,4.473800039439954,87.86920659961876,71.81995661605204,6.976165121935186,27.201801091172022,7.106945922332613,1.209822270426609,1782,61,372,16,33,571,211,461,0.145,0.727,0.128,-0.7097,1,0,1,0,3,0,32.0,0,2,3,7,26,30,4,1,16,0,34,5,1,5,4,77,80,47,1,10,18,14,3,4,0,3,1,7,1,2,27,29,0,2,10,1,0,5,11,14,0,1,17,11,61,16,53,59,5,47,1,4,1,3,65,20,0,11,24,263,88,1,0.07670230758296513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495260725092556,0.0,0.0,0.07680628141896459,0.0,0.0,0.12267761532463348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363203687949068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027104433248685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38641548523670705,0.0,0.0,0.08772700614702036,0.1564062290433226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042091017826854,0.0,0.08602816008389103,0.0,0.0,0.08425388321699434,0.04946664296742647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627977218247808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05066115076185699,0.0,0.06462500228204794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634897408126996,0.10959228772623203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410012125262296,0.0,0.0,0.20036894970550329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122691684526487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782759728235523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15423581987282614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655124941053895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16861432923583888,0.0,0.0,0.16243333758288506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989149240731506,0.0,0.06772954284717615,0.0,0.06441062039989308,0.08581026249489898,0.0,0.0,0.20768048175495912,0.1451551560384238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744746528877232,0.2694984468420425,0.0,0.0,0.16915506466230898,0.05687378918135825,0.11831509631050993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05197546868953985,0.0583355612551985,0.0,0.0,0.08516883546476475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697349643552315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339374948399052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049137462312482484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592291832619825,0.1219935071903504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982690008632543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621660742396152,0.0,0.0,0.12997923261330047,0.05904918371306753,0.0,0.0,0.21716115236733305,0.0,0.06125456191616582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972306636774022,0.1730117687472958,0.12330081880683028,0.0,0.0706171795423707,0.0,0.0,0.05095760492764104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945146475049022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521908596857776,0.10415166395426134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048201660139364,0.06088272156081491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739382873817493,0.0,0.05584019344047294,0.07789491656911303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jcarlough,2020/01/09,"Anyone ever go inpatient? I'm headed to an inpatient treatment program (5 days) here soon. Just curious if anyone has ever gone inpatient, ideally voluntarily, and your experience.",7.115747126436781,10.740451379310343,9.745517241379314,42.40954022988509,69.6896551724138,13.521839080459767,40.70114942528736,11.855464076750405,7.745749425287357,146,9,15,7,3,53,25,29,0.0,0.836,0.16399999999999998,0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,6,4,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,11,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4951196292735637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22833279651929306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6405165304069541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463285886413813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20121462986709945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36335718299524544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,blueburrito7,2020/01/09,"My pwBPD thinks they're trans. I want to support them in their decision but even they are not 100% sure. How do we navigate this? This all started after they quit their job 3 years ago, and became totally dependent on me. Their mental health took an absolute nosedive. It started with crossdressing, then the thoughts that maybe they were trans. Now, they're pretty sure they're trans, but have admitted they doubt it a lot. They aren't out pubically yet, just to close friends. With everything I have learned about BPD, I am concerned they aren't really trans. I am supportive, I use appropriate pronouns, I call them by their preferred name. But I am terrified this is just another sense of self issue. That they are just searching for an identity. They're obsessed with looks. They feel they can't really transition because they're too fat, they agonize over the future, worrying what someone will say to them when they're out in public, how they won't be able to handle it, etc. I just don't know if what to do. They are in therapy again finally, with an LGBTQ experienced and allied therapist. My partners wants to start HRT and you can't just undo the changes that happen with it.",4.4826458036984365,6.722532603603604,4.593869132290183,82.93768847795167,72.06306306306305,8.817828354670459,28.35087719298246,9.414487439383343,2.6525639639639644,946,37,176,23,19,294,133,222,0.10300000000000001,0.826,0.07200000000000001,-0.8398,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,1,19,1,14,7,0,2,7,0,20,3,1,4,4,44,36,11,0,5,10,0,1,0,2,2,2,1,0,2,12,12,1,0,8,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,3,4,32,5,23,30,4,22,0,0,1,1,29,8,0,4,13,120,44,2,0.1454626277562224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894384279315896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15253024832255774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867266774489536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18320508749827585,0.0,0.14853360663587656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15388017250995506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16222928125730035,0.09607669374226913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073243034290952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355027525647699,0.0,0.0,0.15934719854986895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238406536880788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128632121327122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546199711657309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182519100034125,0.14434921279637725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994245603845823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215197161627292,0.0,0.0,0.1236671243255459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613676108716592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659211560309254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479877871867302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547174099675121,0.0,0.0,0.18637416824819172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567772003411725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517492449700579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325001245377827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30887758985367136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301385323352673,0.2741936103615033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634919203295356,0.16889332235602902,0.0,0.09320657834270983,0.0,0.1154810781052476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161433170135578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563300626202778,0.0,0.0,0.17159525331469894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14772435941042478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936731630954195 bpd,NotesOff,2020/01/09,I have decided to resign from my job as it is causing me Suicide ideation.. Everything about it is so toxic.. My manager is the biggest douche in all the land. He talks very rudely with me and sometimes I even tear up because of the mean stuff he says. I have to work late hours everyday for no extra pay. The pay is too low. The commute is horrible. nearly 13 hours of my day are spent outside of home due to it (work + commute) and I gain very little financial profit. The economy is fucked in my country and its really hard to get jobs (plus my resignation will leave a dent on my Resume) but I just can't keep on going like this.. i am extremely miserable when I'm at the job and I lose my will to live. I think leaving the job and working on my mental peace is the best thing I can do right now. What do you guys think?,1.5588529411764718,3.4812457529411773,3.4078676470588256,89.5541544117647,79.70588235294117,6.838235294117648,23.56617647058824,7.865858978985527,1.177558823529412,638,22,138,11,16,214,112,170,0.168,0.736,0.096,-0.6531,5,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,1,0,6,7,10,2,1,10,0,17,1,0,1,1,16,26,10,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,1,1,8,7,0,1,4,0,4,1,2,7,0,0,1,2,20,3,22,23,3,22,0,5,0,1,6,13,1,0,9,93,28,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177665502937766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407822521789264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378091047070201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651571569867646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860487498953143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056545866039647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401960457931167,0.07008788972794766,0.0,0.07624059257963617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328296887583167,0.0,0.0,0.12017213866761382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456348692337755,0.0,0.2642216494735932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5324930930271291,0.1192387715464366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132715449701425,0.28409116954958663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553896204004045,0.13445364138965835,0.1184569948930268,0.0,0.0,0.1500796461754258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612878492986844,0.0,0.0,0.13519174704643816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593998833477608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456345130339154,0.0,0.10668154287440514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326778778202892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356976787793522,0.14673843453223254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782476781707437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912336467846281,0.17191593300268626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213757615195052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929886087137313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hunkychonk,2020/01/09,"I can't do shit I feel so shitty and I hate letting people down. I work part time because I can't hold down a fulltime job. Even though I work part time, i STILL can't hold that down. I'll be fine for a few weeks and then all of a sudden I can't get up for work either because I genuinely can't or because I feel too shitty to get up and I curse the people at my job and the job itself because I don't wanna go. I just split on the entire thing sometimes and I just don't care, and as soon as I've told them I'm not going in I feel bad and have regret. I can't handle being under pressure to have 100% attendance. Every single job I've had, people get pissy when you mention mental health reasons on why you can't come in. I'm just tired of life and it's all just making me suicidal, want to self harm and/or use substance abuse as a way to stop thinking about it. I've had enough of constantly turning up to be treated like shit no matter what job I'm in. I could do 1 million nice things and 1 bad thing ( not turning up) and it's the end of the world. There is nothing I want to do, nothing that would get me out of bed each morning and I'm tired of people saying ""get a job you love then"" for that exact reason. I want to be able to get out of bed everyday and love my job and not give a shit about people. I just feel so stuck and I don't wanna / dont know if i can get allowance instead of working because people would just see me as a lazy slob. I am so done with every thing I hate myself so much and as im reading through this now, it doesn't even sound like much but it's fucking one of the many things largely wrong with me and I hate it, I would just like to die.",1.2980450450450471,2.4750547864864885,3.1248648648648647,94.62585585585586,78.16216216216216,5.473873873873874,20.98198198198198,5.46131890053228,-0.16054234234234288,1301,32,309,5,30,436,164,370,0.155,0.773,0.07200000000000001,-0.9841,7,0,0,0,1,0,28.0,0,3,1,4,23,22,7,1,13,0,32,10,3,5,3,64,70,32,2,11,14,0,4,3,0,3,4,2,2,1,17,22,0,3,8,1,0,4,16,13,0,2,5,7,37,9,49,56,11,36,0,1,1,3,11,17,4,2,17,207,54,12,0.06878447729373897,0.0814983578721174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486433082147213,0.20965189461913555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013035884606869,0.0,0.0,0.05925173659470096,0.0,0.07433158382129385,0.0,0.05491880807519281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138742776245985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039040173192386,0.08061489510820627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060922630567743025,0.07107275229421776,0.0,0.09086299706131812,0.0,0.11590777754030945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13911799384803789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359014087976103,0.2515593528796153,0.06598433832963803,0.07818360716986626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037312924997449,0.0,0.07311468285607706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429903895280329,0.0,0.4778058606655237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03780214985115196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033678832376589,0.04858451051123139,0.10081386350270716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416135256578525,0.0,0.04591417271379041,0.06973666382523923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931857483037084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112901050858447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200112218190782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04661014197050172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897377182147936,0.0,0.28611897469254666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880309135016653,0.0,0.0,0.1414437973929592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05470017715074494,0.0,0.0,0.054812322846813484,0.0,0.07175721115445391,0.0,0.21181883244757224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802960685803805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054931372419311474,0.05750690298257561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752390539869277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284867515424722,0.04407431565436559,0.06758039970323193,0.0,0.08021756372018568,0.15811527608755785,0.0,0.06572651574818393,0.0,0.0,0.1496355186714173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05940770354469936,0.0,0.0,0.12171260055660656,0.05459791642189098,0.055174758669326536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062067292016555975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20030367475605074,0.0,0.0,0.14658755743921933,0.07520502795255875,0.0,0.0 bpd,anoconmalundousrum,2020/01/09,"Relationships What kind of guys do you ladies find attractive? What are some do’s and don’ts in terms of dating? Should I show a lot of attention or a little? I’m new to this, bpd and relationships",1.4307692307692292,4.076124384615383,2.8827692307692345,88.2872307692308,87.20512820512822,7.222564102564102,18.056410256410253,8.238735603445708,0.9771087179487176,157,4,33,4,5,51,31,39,0.0,0.9059999999999999,0.094,0.5329999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,5,5,3,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,3,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36731104688555055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26655416722802233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28876998320739244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036987403437457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292300434708603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24794235532225214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28166824788132555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6262255864487819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mamailove75,2020/01/09,"I’m 44 and just learned I have BPD. I feel a lost for words and when I think about it I just start crying. It’s a combination of being angry with my childhood, sad that I’ve struggled so much in this life and scared that this is too hard for my husband. My kids are everything to me and for years I wanted to have kids but was scared because I had depression but now I just feel awful to have BPD. I know it’s not my fault but... I never even heard about BPD until recently when I was having an episode and my husband asked if I thought I had it. I was so mad when he asked me and when I read about it, my life just made sense. I got proactive and made appointments and got the BPD workbook. I was just diagnosed last night and I’m taking the kids to see my family today. I don’t want to tell them because I am hurt my parents didn’t protect me. I feel so alone. I’ve felt so alone for so long and I just thought it was me not this damn disorder. I know I can help myself, I know I could get better but sometimes I just don’t want to live. I don’t want to hurt my kids and have them have to heal their traumas so I am trying not to give them any. I’m really trying to have them live a full live where they are protected. I don’t shelter them, they have a lot of freedom but I want to continue being a source of support. I’ve had times I thought they would be better without me. I don’t want to feel that. Anyway, I connect the most with moms. Please share any tips or stories that have helped you . Thanks for reading.",1.674949287749289,3.0714660584615388,3.0465982905982933,94.65925356125359,77.64615384615384,6.168660968660968,22.19088319088319,6.775458762138228,0.3123618233618237,1179,33,278,11,27,384,143,325,0.14800000000000002,0.6859999999999999,0.166,0.6434,1,2,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,9,3,25,17,2,3,9,1,34,4,0,2,1,58,70,29,0,9,18,4,6,0,0,1,4,1,0,4,13,13,0,2,13,2,0,0,11,12,0,0,19,8,57,5,28,46,4,20,0,5,1,0,27,3,1,4,17,189,70,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18398893314258655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080619404264195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660761599973757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829208987036297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571145201956213,0.0,0.0,0.4474808823198648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091842063311804,0.0,0.09756855882139484,0.0,0.0,0.07650364049017977,0.09015408894999652,0.0,0.0,0.1017995461914112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058667153125006186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798289284382127,0.0,0.08373498932146843,0.0,0.17964753335218922,0.0,0.08528458982029684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04640666734605592,0.08520769522987894,0.0,0.0,0.142080701583663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956850299044321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907317968851035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901750116422908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644539045583116,0.07240309288014052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254774775145211,0.0,0.0,0.23529861056533385,0.0786060949579459,0.0,0.0,0.0969614570233788,0.07551465227142846,0.0,0.16809408468080025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402913218556023,0.0,0.0,0.06529556955824035,0.0,0.0685062396714704,0.0,0.0,0.0833549358440524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862810134687633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750164462639034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769528306401886,0.0,0.05690267556715412,0.0,0.08770259378609561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785584722169598,0.0,0.07078091283784545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784881616619201,0.0,0.06286980451068486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285771720338397,0.0,0.0,0.10079597389630417,0.0,0.0,0.06678429642757493,0.0,0.07763574548199269,0.08177684129093117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056914579289731676,0.0,0.2115480610859336,0.0517937581445963,0.0,0.08419439129229485,0.0,0.0,0.1206107939819894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314342780011028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562278515970287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309774023635291,0.0,0.0,0.0571994891681507 bpd,c0c0nut93,2020/01/09,Splitting I haven’t split on my boyfriend since Christmas! And there was a moment or two when I could have (just little disagreements/misunderstandings) and instead I was mindful of him and his needs and being there for him. Just wanted to share a good thing with people who would understand. Happy new year everyone!,5.785535714285714,8.541790767857144,4.792285714285715,80.65271428571431,69.89285714285714,7.337142857142857,27.271428571428572,8.238735603445708,2.011747142857143,257,9,42,4,5,76,45,56,0.0,0.831,0.16899999999999998,0.855,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,14,10,6,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,7,3,5,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,4,35,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323757840131756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27810601072271995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441147732445076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098228598719192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917035930212583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938725254710471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21580621131388614,0.0,0.28109311581727475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20177398659185136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407554668646588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933573938954036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843087161798782,0.30298815366355075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166590687777852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067500478152928,0.0,0.0,0.18742346518635053 bpd,aukav,2020/01/09,"DAE still see themselves as a small child in dreams? In the vast majority of my dreams each night, I am a small child. I often feel much smaller physically in comparison to other people who feature in my dreams and seem to have a higher pitched voice. It is extremely confusing because in reality I am 19 years old and 6'3"" (just roughly over 190cm). In addition to this, my dreams nearly always take place in schools or other childhood settings. Does anyone else here suffer from anything similar? Whilst it's quite obviously not the worst thing in the world, I am almost certain that it is related to BPD and my inconsistent identity.",6.3730128205128205,7.755998726495727,6.855630341880343,71.9598557692308,66.00854700854701,9.952564102564104,34.28311965811966,10.125756701596842,3.7009837606837617,509,23,86,12,8,166,84,117,0.047,0.82,0.133,0.8614,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,6,0,6,0,0,0,2,15,10,5,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,9,5,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,8,1,17,10,4,22,0,1,1,0,3,15,0,5,6,58,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24032614262003602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19969989952718475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781414626487806,0.2459091912660015,0.19750021678388452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463022658343277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022726178768542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21002632568744725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004898800650471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135162047586562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764282097935192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252245015690177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518404770371221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638634235319386,0.0,0.25074976430785745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552704031346647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428936321960684,0.1912495721228643,0.2184877231241365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916649564492188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18045074023785407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944587347763312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455265255078934 bpd,tr4guy,2020/01/09,"Is it possible to get out of the friendzone w an untreated bpd woman? What the title says. I know borderline is not the same for everyone but yeah. Let me know what you think.",-0.07704761904761881,2.1425076285714297,2.193571428571431,89.72559523809527,101.28571428571428,6.904761904761906,20.11904761904762,7.793537801064563,1.5486190476190482,137,5,28,4,6,46,30,35,0.0,0.92,0.08,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,7,7,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,4,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4648787529054049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35269862417075176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19284375708287324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4057043368700486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774380581107721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4161139431074508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29352959004976925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365095778409901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Bold33,2020/01/09,"I can't stop being worried. My girlfriend laughs spontaneously, and when I ask her what she is laughing about she says she doesn't know. She went through some severe trauma, but she definitely didn't start doing this up until 2 weeks ago, and it's actually messing me up. Every time she laughs I feel like she is laughing at me, and I've told her how this makes me feel, and the behavior isn't changing. For the past 2 days I have been trying to not ""lash out"" by being less intimate because of this behavior, and it has helped to read about the possible reasons she could be laughing that may have nothing to do with me. What sucks is that I realize this same paranoia ruined my last relationship. I thought my ex was sleeping on the sofa on purpose, and saw it as a sign of rejection. I would wake her up and tell her how hurt I felt that she chose to sleep on the sofa instead of in bed with me. I just think I might be happier if I didn't take such small things so personally.....",6.834242424242426,5.630368585858591,7.150181818181817,79.06527272727273,65.16161616161617,10.344242424242424,33.94141414141414,9.3871,2.7834892929292927,772,28,161,12,10,252,122,198,0.107,0.746,0.146,0.8145,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,9,12,1,0,6,0,23,3,3,4,0,33,37,15,0,3,4,1,3,1,1,3,0,1,3,1,13,10,0,1,8,1,0,1,6,6,0,0,9,5,32,6,25,20,3,21,0,3,1,0,22,10,1,4,11,119,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.16626945184706424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103445073689384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592853175554826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386403397104196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18024286255855707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360371428537124,0.0,0.0,0.10988308620752747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355521763617626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230175841321707,0.12172181168460862,0.16359461794311386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420428578867142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182398768860254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363816586182433,0.13888507106130735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832406385087306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373212732374112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18074967881225956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348730193237626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626500697984566,0.0,0.1487720621609628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920814883208598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704293355013198,0.0,0.0,0.17518233503331535,0.0,0.18292782206354408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549558109474938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19248454928213435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34101255221870075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059812529737915,0.0,0.0,0.14244800734575586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281069825356493,0.0,0.1489224506750546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319504537391532,0.10917469233205848,0.0,0.13526525054871225,0.09935183007102584,0.0,0.0,0.16280847537460116,0.0,0.11567902714238845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667114764656935,0.0,0.0,0.15794695877797493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17303243800328807,0.0,0.12103535619729698,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,guineapigsss,2020/01/09,i'm so tired i'm so tired of this i can't stand it i want to go back and be happy again no one cares if i live or die and i want to go back to when i didn't care if anyone did i just want this fucjjng pain and coldness to stop i want to be normal and fine why does it have to be like this i'm just a fuxking plaything for god,-2.2079305555555564,-0.6813404875,0.5616666666666674,106.8677777777778,91.375,3.5555555555555562,13.888888888888893,3.1291,-1.7650277777777783,251,4,74,0,9,86,45,80,0.285,0.569,0.146,-0.8556,0,1,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,0,15,18,10,1,7,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,2,1,7,5,8,13,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,45,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403667632350674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29480121072004617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3908889596038625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19894777259098592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677524288753932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21788786887420356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040614840995559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365184794580124,0.0,0.16926902911676708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18781910341009195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989659686347854,0.0,0.20397558814059152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602644977636482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4406473657364411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4522635901205898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297372779050532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dm_125,2020/01/09,"2 months SH free! It's been 2 months since my last major SH attempt, and I've been clean from cutting since then. I'm so proud of myself because I didn't think really think I'd be able to stay clean so long. Getting help has really helped me improve!",2.790849056603776,3.9324295471698143,3.8265566037735854,91.22775943396229,74.28301886792453,6.809433962264151,22.683962264150942,7.1686216300943375,0.5794566037735849,198,5,44,2,4,64,41,53,0.025,0.645,0.32899999999999996,0.9578,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,9,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,4,3,3,5,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,17,5,0,0.2617587634938686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595657126688582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367581502310003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509027630640273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21336832872427475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23164826862415666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41786669539306615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353787332207605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4330591082051078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27900001377275785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354488925824932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tweela_,2020/01/09,"Disability degree certificate? I found that TLP people (at least, here in Spain) we can ask for the disability degree certificate. It seems like with a high TLP degree you can have a 66% degree, which includes a pay, free public transport etc. I just need a 33% to have free college and preferences, comprehension and adapted job. But it seems I need a lawyer and a lot of medical reports &#x200B; Any experience on it? Does anyone tried it? &#x200B; Any information will help. Also, I hope some of you have discovered this if you didnt know before.",5.4498,7.5859609799999985,5.923000000000003,74.86150000000002,69.2,9.0,29.5,9.516144504307137,2.9351000000000007,438,17,74,10,8,141,70,100,0.013999999999999999,0.833,0.153,0.9305,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,3,0,0,3,4,0,0,7,0,7,1,0,0,0,19,15,6,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,6,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,8,6,8,12,4,5,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,6,1,49,15,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054904572178022,0.0,0.3537574100318861,0.3967274015853921,0.22202793026530496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141465167252386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15261446800323586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891168276239368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285907375163934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18206422513382256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596874763126766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17899256593083335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942142431462093,0.17248005096957195,0.0,0.1621417001343459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199805221825234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971661096650273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975453078300578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387872706478222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644547811984242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420920519056465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317533016729388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29722896545901245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083440368141977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3967274015853921,0.0 bpd,bluecurls27,2020/01/09,"BPD and pursuing a PhD - is it achievable? As a person diagnosed with BPD a few years back, I am worried sometimes of further doing a PhD programme. As a final year undergrad, and I absolutely love the research that I do and wanna keep pursuing it. However, I am afraid of potential failures, letdowns, disappointments that would trigger a cascade of negative reactions. Any thoughts or success stories of BPD people as doctoral students?",8.175600000000003,9.822811360000003,8.668000000000003,59.63400000000002,62.06666666666667,11.866666666666667,48.33333333333334,11.602472056035307,6.788733333333334,352,25,46,11,5,117,53,75,0.152,0.718,0.13,-0.1943,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,7,0,6,3,0,1,0,10,9,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,4,2,9,7,1,5,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,37,8,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327072371941114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500566591342447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7373456973020519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19807097079944655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997421045686412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21377494266543848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345638510950234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17612856337994376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529095521528536,0.1703955847758256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19300622416883112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549256031832047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981821252625853,0.0,0.13862744118902448,0.0,0.0,0.25133764825801563 bpd,GodlyPumpkin,2020/01/09,"Why do people talk about BPD as if it can be cured? I was just diagnosed with BPD and I’m feeling angry. I don’t even understand what this disorder is exactly yet and it makes it even harder to understand when people say things that allude to being cured. So far I have heard lots of things like “I overcame my bpd!”, “It doesn’t affect my life anymore!” and “Bpd isn’t a lifelong diagnosis!”. People make it sound a lot more like PTSD which is something that has a possibility of going away, or like a bout of depression. It’s a personality disorder, similar to a personality type to my understanding, that isn’t something that goes away. If anyone could explain to me what BPD is in a more metaphorical/figurative way I would appreciate it. I can’t really wrap my head around the definition. Also why do people talk about this as if it’s cure-able? Is it because of the stigma associated with it? Shame? Like anorexics who say “I used to have anorexia, I don’t anymore”?",3.6357446808510647,5.638394861702133,5.562712765957446,76.10875000000001,73.78723404255321,8.955319148936171,27.175531914893607,9.516144504307137,2.626727659574468,766,29,145,20,16,264,103,188,0.099,0.823,0.077,-0.7897,0,0,2,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,1,9,0,21,3,1,4,1,25,32,12,0,5,5,0,1,4,0,1,2,4,0,2,22,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,2,5,13,4,20,26,4,9,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,6,6,103,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717507683961515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19141421343293766,0.06747859511756665,0.0,0.0,0.08590998060788649,0.0,0.0,0.18133939701652504,0.0,0.0,0.058828600453234736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6077238436336783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770514529213445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311968316434545,0.0979506238066648,0.0,0.0,0.22120636276885144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748138908580706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04879586761432254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05484606037718247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904205280800367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816439131812985,0.18859002783071405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16409033428605416,0.0,0.0,0.1288357792629199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676178827265844,0.16852902528147942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879497645971488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280927306374006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061823624784921365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348942456104206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858864930862326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551342539651379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822737271006532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013955721359737,0.0,0.08334940311472741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660123979793902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174161646852246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855443928194563,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sadninjerooz,2020/01/09,"Before I accidentally ruin another one,Got any Tips for maintaining long term relationships? Im getting really sick of the cycle. I keep accidentally pushing people away. Even If I end up fixing it, I push them away again. It's not nice, I know Im a terrible person for doing that, Ive tried to but I have no idea how to stop or at least work with my weaknesses. The least Ive been doing was avoid long term relationships to minimize the damage, which is a terrible way of dealing with it ,I know. For me, what happens is I go extremely numb? and I pull away from people because Im scared I'd screw something up. I've tried to stick around even when Im not doing great, and usually I do screw something up. I dont like the person Im being on those times and I dont ever want them to have to deal with that. Needless to say, Its lead to a lot of issues. Maybe there's something I could do to handle them better and keep my relationships from crashing and burning every now and then. Any thoughts?",2.7541350333236707,4.458798339901481,4.587255867864389,83.44278470008696,75.45320197044335,7.5350912778904675,24.256447406548823,8.313332769828598,1.4759982034192984,785,25,160,14,17,267,115,203,0.24600000000000002,0.736,0.018000000000000002,-0.9916,0,1,3,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,3,3,11,14,2,2,7,0,17,5,0,2,1,29,26,12,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,2,9,10,0,4,4,0,0,5,5,10,0,0,3,1,21,4,29,21,5,28,0,2,0,2,11,9,2,3,14,105,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489095332572545,0.10399837750607496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829080276578923,0.0,0.0,0.27954727999641865,0.0,0.0,0.06045891668059763,0.0,0.08439446917110723,0.0,0.0,0.08771622837079247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918677881847194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044994665462125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324753246526257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784361935171893,0.0,0.0,0.13101427913779068,0.08971355670444796,0.08356302572024556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05181720729294484,0.0,0.0563660085240184,0.0,0.07932292477918493,0.10934577426159447,0.0,0.0,0.08770412465923234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119616093140588,0.5356545207540913,0.10351765438154276,0.0,0.17631063416406628,0.0,0.0,0.10901294416395224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04845410519528084,0.0,0.0,0.17554151374634164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431888377642394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963916150532176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720661158308901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375171867879686,0.17319946793320393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353694208203052,0.0,0.0,0.3194450724623261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887153747832071,0.09929600454849524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290597268765713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291852220794127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873746281590448,0.05783237745227341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467277162841926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923223262663226,0.0,0.05849865232873101,0.07872408894472388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220387397937371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,feelings4fwb890,2020/01/09,"my fwb is sending me such mixed signals my heart hurts so much I thought maybe he was just keeping me around for sex but then we spent two days together just cuddling and talking and nothing more than some light kissing I feel like I'm annoying him constantly hes not stupid he knows what the fuck hes doing to me and it's so cruel. he knows I have feelings for him and then he holds me all night and asks about my day everyday and asks me to come over and fuck its cruel. I hurt so much",1.4167961165048553,3.4189002427184505,2.403699029126216,96.17467475728157,80.55339805825244,5.673398058252428,22.921359223300968,6.742157984588678,0.4418201941747575,387,13,88,4,10,122,69,103,0.253,0.639,0.10800000000000001,-0.9722,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,1,0,0,0,8,10,6,0,1,0,6,6,1,0,1,23,19,13,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,10,0,2,5,0,1,2,1,8,0,1,3,3,17,2,8,16,5,11,0,2,0,5,13,2,2,1,8,56,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751352709479206,0.3518319973306141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209405055777995,0.0,0.20334775313650827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427115460894892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19029146168787145,0.1344305576337242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479251108283015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22298546122516866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.402885364097636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672564710476629,0.0,0.0,0.20682950209811726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193163737580867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890446893409768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766570548702326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17658725711048215,0.0,0.18055670434604112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124602444930524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493880415356001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838173076087756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DinaFuckingSoul,2020/01/09,"I’m kind of scared I get the feeling I’m going to die. Idk if this is rational or not. But I have been having this strange gut feeling. I’m in a pretty bad place. Had to leave home to protect myself from a life threatening situation. Fell in love with someone who was violent. Ended up homeless. It’s been hard trying to make a comeback. It could be PTSD getting in my head. But it could also be intuition. It’s hard trying to survive with no family and no solid support system. I don’t know how to get out of this hole. I just feel like I’m drowning deeper and deeper everyday. And sometimes I feel chronically cursed. My worst fear is that someone will murder me. I’m not sure why, but I have dreams about this regularly. Being alone and without a family just makes me super vulnerable to this possibility. And with my track record, it’s not impossible. People don’t like me easily. I get a lot of strong reactions from people even when I’m not engaging. I know this is mainly because of my symptoms. I don’t say much or make efforts to form relationships because I’m afraid that I will lash out and hurt people if I get close. But my hesitance to open up and the distance I keep people at makes them weary and even offends some. It’s counterintuitive as fuck. And it’s something I do have to work on. But I can’t focus on building healthy relationships while I’m on the run. I’ve literally had so many people try to actually kill me in my lifetime. I don’t think this is normal. The first person being my own mother. If any one has any tips or advice, I’m open to it. I just don’t understand how my life turned out this way",2.066704545454545,4.225909863636368,4.0936931818181845,84.08053977272729,79.15151515151516,6.912878787878787,23.645833333333336,7.972316293177498,1.3706742424242422,1285,44,258,23,32,438,168,330,0.17800000000000002,0.715,0.107,-0.9637,0,1,1,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,1,6,11,20,5,3,9,0,29,8,2,6,1,58,61,27,4,6,19,1,6,2,0,2,4,1,1,1,19,18,0,2,8,1,0,3,13,11,0,2,5,7,30,9,37,48,7,27,0,1,0,2,8,17,1,8,7,170,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.09715752743995644,0.0,0.0,0.09729021069362152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311554492499522,0.0,0.07961918524306745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354102805669066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312957861230648,0.12138336439393575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589832923948044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332897507291984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818181537872108,0.0,0.0,0.13151868126752927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18771518277092147,0.1120342119875064,0.20136486450178265,0.07112665692592995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468684367986425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204287488424663,0.2600835120791257,0.0,0.056583016432862274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17837484906480106,0.0,0.1021786808941185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998681638511086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658249722778106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849471313852858,0.11014989584070872,0.10367783763673967,0.109432641631795,0.0,0.0,0.10542110686157544,0.0,0.0,0.14064626875896435,0.0972813048962281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464350964799996,0.08985801636514912,0.0,0.2658319290406947,0.10093959432246168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318905676753933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754899590848126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746535557830936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451165624273785,0.08693314106188209,0.10402043276329287,0.0,0.0,0.11224047631676316,0.0,0.10128969813797656,0.0,0.0,0.11638190432726865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137832860364248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791751911849368,0.09967829200981937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191114237674353,0.0,0.0,0.16871603791457285,0.07664720061702407,0.09846873282288623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298105377357892,0.09383540545083907,0.10348237651150206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379490067578555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027868883122053,0.10829417212139046,0.0,0.10364688909091103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902717497768741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983864345081369,0.0,0.0,0.09597360013926798,0.0,0.07248185732630548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Belliana_Williams,2020/01/09,"Does someone with bpd ever realize your efforts & forgive you? So, while I do not have bpd myself, I would love to hear an opinion on this, from those who do have bpd. & how they would feel / react to this. So I had an amazing relationship with my boyfriend, he was the most loving, purest soul I've ever met. Everything was perfect. We were always honest with eachother & things couldn't have been better. However, he has bpd & abandonment issues (didn't learn this until after) we got into an argument, & out of anger at the moment I threatened to end the relationship with him... after apologizing countless times after and trying to get him to understand I didn't mean it & was just angry...ever since then he has been pushing himself away from me, & at this point says he's completely over me & just wants to move on. I do understand why those with bpd do this & how they idealize & devalue people...but do those with bpd/abandonment issues ever forgive you if they see that you are consistently proving to them & working in every way possible to get them to love you again or is this already set in stone and there's no going back?",6.027472527472526,6.748885131221722,6.317559793148027,77.88489819004525,66.46606334841628,9.21021331609567,30.26535229476406,9.23628265651192,2.572289980607629,918,32,167,16,14,295,129,221,0.077,0.795,0.127,0.9314,1,0,0,0,0,0,51.0,2,5,5,5,13,12,1,0,6,0,24,3,0,3,5,41,39,11,0,6,5,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,13,12,0,1,9,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,11,4,25,10,32,25,1,30,1,1,1,3,31,11,0,4,14,121,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954293830059781,0.0,0.05243678451425776,0.7510906329695202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592083438497646,0.04845765468766895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05573510796437254,0.0,0.0,0.4762206941224282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607413199912211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055148276030528486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055816052508016266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710126459491691,0.053096152751345764,0.0,0.05663733612455703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031864256258590316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584956276679592,0.0,0.03581510091071105,0.0,0.05040198215008742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102689578244661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155074608964887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063109003243415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864607161540777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697913202330727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05957324293219339,0.07104435639837092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531745822534694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05011516954522865,0.0,0.0,0.050217915109594086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05212989660820366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053395721049402815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04186696602767249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0367468353462868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042785705712527884,0.0,0.0,0.1312098232259081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037170188046956265,0.05002148038312207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05686476762316223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045878519704186695,0.0,0.0,0.08953365634194446,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pandatothemax,2020/01/09,"DAE know when they're about split, even if it's a few days before? I want to stop splitting so damn bad. It's just so exhausting on me and I know its exhausting for my fiance. I feel like I know when I'm about to split because I get super happy and I say the stupidest things around him. I tell myself, ""don't get bad again, just remember this moment and how happy you're feeling"". Or I question myself, wondering how I ever get in a bad state to begin with when I'm feeling so happy and full of joy at that moment. But then the next day, I'm easily irritated with my finance and everything just seems so annoying and hard. Then I get so angry, because it just feels like a never ending cycle of me battling myself and tearing myself apart in the inside.",3.7065584415584425,4.727063292207792,5.271298701298704,82.20551948051948,71.92207792207792,7.937662337662338,25.038961038961038,8.296473431620573,1.5440467532467532,593,17,117,9,11,201,89,154,0.22699999999999998,0.611,0.161,-0.9171,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,20,15,3,0,6,0,1,2,0,2,2,34,19,22,0,2,7,0,5,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,10,0,1,11,0,1,0,2,8,0,0,0,6,19,7,15,19,2,24,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,5,18,80,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833753422466454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611155958352301,0.17576345543635366,0.0,0.12267391094348665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859491701548053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768751842562154,0.0,0.0,0.09521971148778052,0.13040561749694218,0.0,0.0,0.12956632680076868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915768941240078,0.20598320136135675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012813296997958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4603993982988456,0.12914364332833486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376881625431375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086360501944328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118903899650348,0.0,0.15332125574342256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149794404906168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331099373945113,0.0,0.0,0.1146459010835727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124252371527192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052850748168355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600668162953954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577690925590862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503233134317237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563409383710148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,peonypetals,2020/01/09,Does anyone else get paranoid things around them aren't real? I have never hallucinated before yet for some reason I don't trust things that are around me... you know the saying seeing is believing? Well I don't feel that. I constantly feel like the world is fake and that I'm imagining things and it freaks me out. Does anyone else feel this? Idk if it's a bpd thing,1.4655555555555535,4.0708531506849335,2.4445662100456644,91.98304414003044,85.98630136986301,5.436225266362253,14.96042617960426,6.937597516519254,-0.2578633181126331,292,5,60,4,9,92,50,73,0.156,0.779,0.064,-0.685,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,1,1,15,14,3,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,10,5,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,5,8,3,4,14,1,7,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,2,4,39,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342575687630581,0.3432731421315211,0.0,0.29824366015062176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254098158349005,0.1887294652722476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21097639902094648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18102173367921048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29318300945929715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798707553027349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540983839341848,0.11967111623792408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751847914910743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206060669053724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818382505882216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919613174465325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19066614155013584,0.0,0.1722309690306205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321283351359411,0.0,0.0,0.13348594498631342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4451520149107931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061404721035435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LittleBitSchizo,2020/01/09,"Love vs BPD? I fell in love with a girl with BPD and now it feels like war. We have been dating for some months and there's no week we're not stuggling with mood changes and fights and whatnot, sometimes she even says it's all over and we don't talk for days but later she regrets it, we talk and we're good again. I'm finding out that BPD is EXTREMELY hard to deal in a relationship but I don't want to give up. I'm not even close to giving up because I love her massively and I don't want her illness to define what she is. Bescause when she's off her symptoms she's SO lovely, honest and caring :( And I want to show her that it's possible for her to be loved the way she is. I don't think I'm even looking for a stable relationship haha just a relationship that's it, because I feel like I have a rock hard heart that can deal with the unstability and the damage she does when she falls out of control. Do you think it's possible to win the battle against this shitty illness?",1.5703188259109309,3.3763419326923128,3.032358299595142,92.82053643724696,79.19230769230771,5.917408906882592,22.00506072874494,6.8360192770164,0.3668903846153846,774,23,176,8,19,253,104,208,0.14300000000000002,0.603,0.253,0.9877,0,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,3,1,0,2,10,18,3,0,9,1,13,9,1,1,1,38,32,15,1,4,6,0,4,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,12,20,0,1,5,2,0,2,7,5,0,0,1,6,25,12,25,30,2,21,0,2,1,5,34,9,0,1,11,111,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789091422634272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3963498571816751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695152223807493,0.0,0.1109692334971979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765314888787992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676511772930503,0.21629252698624415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179782230503508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078544016611672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060801731060076,0.14987973394112095,0.0,0.0,0.095875786119882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20125735970400047,0.0,0.08798430478290115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18793780050327066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243058207503195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249670605547796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808874099457062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4733772177465994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372938146408855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365157235676053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378668077873285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341989559479468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374779382913163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903022670734112,0.0,0.16862768631726122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344300878648665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856164451354943,0.08326394400983114,0.08414365085105634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mDandmd,2020/01/09,"what am i Hi, I'm f18 just finished hs. 2019 had my 1st boyfriend, who not only resembled my father in all negative aspects but also went psychotic (drug induced) and broke it off with me, untying what we had as if it was all manipulation and 'part of his plan' (4m) All my life had the lowest self esteem resulting in Ed, no confidence and extreme social fears, peaking end of 2019. Now I'm in the process of letting go of my father with a huge push from my mother. as I have no trust in myself anymore I don't know if this is the right or wrong thing to do. I have had no identity without changing my style or phase in years. I have no trust in my own opinions and fear what everyone says to me is deception. I am deformed and hideously ugly and unloveable. I'm naive and can't let go of the past. I have a huge maladaptive daydreaming problem. I can't sit still in silence without being in mental pain. It feels like in my head I'm overwhelmed but empty at the same time. No one - not even my favorite person could understand. I just don't know if something is wrong with me. I don't remember not being like this, but possibly triggers have gradually set something off. I don't know.",2.872615062761504,4.603027924686195,4.3759393305439325,84.97353242677826,75.19246861924687,7.457824267782429,28.267991631799163,8.238735603445708,1.976345439330544,930,39,187,16,20,310,133,239,0.23800000000000002,0.6659999999999999,0.096,-0.9905,1,0,3,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,0,1,7,13,0,3,7,0,27,4,1,4,3,43,39,18,0,5,15,3,1,2,0,0,3,1,0,2,10,11,0,0,7,0,0,4,17,9,0,1,6,2,26,4,27,28,6,28,0,2,0,0,11,15,0,6,9,134,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195200151266883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13883500470187166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809356858756978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177266971732767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234692759895358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399185822525165,0.0,0.0,0.0924637671137728,0.0,0.0,0.13376889255014493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31506110572735524,0.07078444581692322,0.10001071449617877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15912199859730974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436727567997423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308087533946121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28630375952536635,0.09888088684144,0.13678658930819956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410795762206407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486258326680466,0.10647065195394284,0.1489619565223777,0.0,0.0,0.15159830282139905,0.13363874122696678,0.0,0.12223610565656078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782057975142416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339539757356576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858428319414972,0.11955288331842236,0.0,0.11132770445014914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604277374741914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270478761034605,0.0,0.21554622778976634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179824110779683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300483790535068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163078888155134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573719448227368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297745077999129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26989566886840594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061197810016103,0.0,0.09015062030027723 bpd,OneTaoThree,2020/01/09,"Disjointed thinking .... Does anyone else have a problem with disjointed thinking, where your thoughts tend to be very random at times and one thing will remind you of another thing that doesn't really have a readily logical connection to the thing you were thinking about or the point you made before it? I can't remember if this is a common ailment of BPD or if I'm just extra lucky.",10.783750000000005,8.200753208333335,9.995,66.15000000000003,58.58333333333334,14.044444444444444,42.05555555555557,12.45797560212912,5.222522222222222,309,13,53,8,3,99,54,72,0.10099999999999999,0.86,0.039,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,0,8,0,0,1,0,17,15,5,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,5,1,7,10,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,6,2,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23109750127135176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410139229905254,0.2258149839967092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18753514635769908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775727333211815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192864248505036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841070633647768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20853777841002785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934156068789547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083392184873584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108828908912068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411870925844218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496582270606688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.439250771990209,0.42364988441182266,0.0,0.17496456530909432,0.1285108310561994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18184433546725068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BeAmyDay,2020/01/09,"I'm scared of bedtime, and the lack of distraction that comes with it. Have you experienced the same thing? What could I do? Hey everyone! So, I'm following therapy sessions, and my life is pretty chill, I don't drink more than a normal student, don't take drugs, not on any medication. I live my life normally, and when 10PM arrives I feel soooooo tired I just want to sleep, so I brush my teeth, put on my PJ and go to bed next to my boyfriend. We spend some time on Reddit/Twitter/YouTube, he falls asleep. And then it begins : I'm here in bed, I know I have a looooong night ahead of me, and I know I'm not gonna sleep for the next 5 hours, at least. I usually stay on my phone doing all sorts of things, I go pee one thousands times, I test every positions possible in the bed, and when I feel exhausted (so 5AM most of the times) I put my phone down and immediately fall sleep. No need to say the next day I can't get up, or if I have things to do I'll go take a nap in the afternoon. That doesn't help the falling asleep problem but, it's not the main cause of my non-sleepyness. What happens if I don't use the phone? A waterfall of thoughts! It's like everything in my brain is being reviewed,even the tinyest things, and the oldest ones. I get worried by possible futures, I feel ashamed by embarrassing memories, angry at stuff people said. Sometimes I'll think about death and have a panic attack. So I'm here in bed, struggling, moaning to make the bad thoughts go away, and I can sometime spend hours, fighting with my brain, and being sleepy doesn't help with staying rational. So, basically I'm scared of bed time now, and it's ruining my life. Have you experienced a similar situation? Have you overcome it? For now I only have coping mechanism and bad habits, I used to fall asleep with videos in the background, or at least some sound, but now my boyfriend has moved with me and I can no longer do that. Sometimes I'll put oddly satisfying or skilled workers videos without the sound, so if I open my eyes there is still ""something"" going on around me. I'm wondering if doing mindfulness meditation would help me being more at peace with myself and feeling better when I go to bed, just a thought, I'm not sure. Thanks for reading, sorry if I made language related mistakes, English isn't my main language. Love on y'all <3",4.015267552182166,5.264397649462367,4.690490196078431,85.79338235294121,71.4301075268817,8.137254901960787,29.16034155597723,8.583994105835817,2.0236413662239094,1837,72,382,31,34,589,224,465,0.182,0.759,0.059000000000000004,-0.9952,0,0,3,0,3,1,71.0,1,4,0,4,20,20,2,7,22,0,30,20,11,5,2,76,73,36,1,14,17,0,4,1,0,2,7,4,6,0,16,26,1,0,11,5,2,16,14,15,0,3,5,12,50,5,51,62,12,64,0,1,1,1,17,21,0,13,26,235,66,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05345037102191253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997023965363179,0.0,0.08941830455765581,0.07384683932012526,0.0,0.1312546374210509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951489088731226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17548612447547862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074336149115098,0.0,0.0677065295003772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275532351909392,0.0,0.0,0.05069019004350319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699760951789132,0.09115049313547732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05191424373859628,0.0,0.06622348820792165,0.07510521266071055,0.0706401832640809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589691221868399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213001352104896,0.0,0.2680195219341065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950529872627136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805081064460666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480939523256146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639248471591962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655150295548948,0.03839975678678245,0.0,0.06940481893512991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093913835644347,0.07437276924398559,0.05246579202557385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791807504657607,0.0,0.0,0.07936311215743147,0.0,0.0,0.08353885413307831,0.0,0.058280550471063675,0.0,0.0,0.2507744536274868,0.07376032798119067,0.1540216888199145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652214209109867,0.059778479171663824,0.0,0.09221960518149068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054491012736469134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17721830507080022,0.0,0.0799639720633665,0.0,0.07520912853937896,0.0,0.23704269024334226,0.0,0.0,0.07862079327872072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476614560774196,0.06250549554802398,0.1573836689046038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834915719072671,0.2359688603012931,0.0,0.0,0.060509752931892764,0.2332108144849588,0.08798573110797261,0.0,0.1675532673177035,0.06276968070395658,0.0,0.0,0.08216928736314254,0.08997764921441086,0.0,0.0,0.074079120364288,0.0,0.1181941191270792,0.0,0.0,0.07236388072051107,0.08988540471723094,0.0,0.20887212254486764,0.05036340071302008,0.0,0.1871977251434331,0.18332805607438926,0.09033858938271133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357695036050158,0.08656627027235747,0.0,0.04636003518638079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576713546823925,0.08523783000492798,0.0,0.07982163105168137,0.0,0.05583484610212732,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,l0sergrl,2020/01/09,"Starting new medication tomorrow, nervous as hell. I’ve been on 6 different antidepressants in my life and none of them have made the slightest difference. I recently was on Pristiq for over two years, but only because I was too embarrassed/ashamed (???) to tell my psych that yes, yet again, another medication does not work so for the course of two years I would lie at appointments until recently in August when I just stopped cold turkey. I’ve been off everything since then have been researching mood stabilizers. I see a therapist and psych at two different offices in the same city. Today, I saw my therapist first who told me another bpd patient of hers was recently prescribed Lamictal and has had success with it. I saw my psych after and decided to start on 25 mg and make my way up to 100 mg. I have stopped meds in the past due to weight gain side effects. I am recovering from anorexia and am finally at a healthy weight for the first time in years but have a crippling fear of uncontrolled weight gain. I really want this med to work but do not want to gain weight as a result. My mind is constantly torn between the two and i hate feeling as if I’d rather be thin than mentally healthy. Does anyone have any stories, good or bad, about their experience taking lamictal for bpd?",6.6833608815427015,7.391085793388431,6.792909090909095,75.09603030303035,65.03305785123968,11.246721763085404,35.96804407713499,11.072351349416056,4.160013994490359,1030,48,189,29,15,330,148,242,0.10400000000000001,0.7490000000000001,0.147,0.9286,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,2,9,8,9,2,3,10,1,19,7,0,4,0,30,32,19,0,5,9,0,6,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,8,4,2,3,0,0,0,3,6,0,6,11,10,21,2,38,19,2,44,1,0,3,0,6,16,1,2,27,122,25,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138684810468972,0.18931240222414727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311903980295405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537186680237445,0.05502789094957237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273843752003805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755004351517607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28293951444857657,0.0,0.0,0.1579921634235751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112905705260373,0.08830160098248979,0.0,0.10157909909074454,0.045643337784403576,0.0,0.0,0.0988866184803245,0.0,0.15356761355716286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571438140318121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912315791419947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637605291167823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541586899058201,0.06025607576130351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005397387343748,0.18187550839130065,0.09097115443375682,0.0,0.09114719351763592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718354525590588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865457340484858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617314349936772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05782941726577943,0.0,0.267392869006402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193368153878607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467246246843794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778745892803048,0.0,0.0,0.1509398992993397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787197449711921,0.0,0.07890015496581587,0.0,0.0,0.20962137626119992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05263729379424188,0.0,0.08556561773153075,0.08625706788047079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527235699337409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064874343696407,0.07165230241290323,0.0,0.4396992576226048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314355969844469,0.0,0.0,0.06412537744995013,0.0,0.0,0.17439319470614398 bpd,throwaway1948732,2020/01/09,"I’ve been with my GF for 5 years and I can’t feel love I hope someone else knows what I’m talking about. Like I don’t think I could live without her, but...I don’t feel real love, I don’t know what it is that I feel but I’ve never been able to feel love with anyone. It’s honestly been tormenting me lately. I haven’t felt the badly in so long, I’m so depressed I’ve been physically sick for 2 weeks. I’m now 22, started cutting at 11 until I was 15 and 3 days ago, I started again.",0.041181818181819096,1.4474834818181854,2.6454545454545446,95.68818181818185,82.36363636363637,5.490909090909091,20.090909090909093,6.2581,-0.1233454545454542,373,10,94,3,10,130,69,110,0.147,0.682,0.17,0.125,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,9,1,0,1,0,12,4,0,0,1,18,29,6,0,2,2,0,5,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,8,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,6,5,12,6,10,22,0,14,0,1,0,3,6,2,0,1,13,48,17,0,0.1803823938235731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598981084737454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612756386100246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061176426505998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402066361915022,0.0,0.0,0.11633172135308875,0.0,0.1553630914833326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068634387637048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648270328068101,0.0,0.17319538580742566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916041789915138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19826689247659354,0.0,0.2034791971370328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812572615554615,0.0,0.1592809585048681,0.15963274223095972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4884064590738906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912202233858367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20531465490295006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283741692372052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553511735428217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498453539175055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558175444031335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469187582700413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738821906851899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616034755329074 bpd,imaspiringtobeme,2020/01/09,"I snapped I’ve been with my BPDh for 20 years. It’s been a roller coaster to say the least. I have thought about leaving him for most of those years, i constantly question myself and flip flop between staying or going. There has been way more good times then bad which is why I’ve stayed so long. Unfortunately the bad times are always so deep and hurtful I have a hard time getting over the things he says and does. Tonight I reached a snapping point, and I punched him right in the face! I am not an aggressive person, I feel so awful! But I also feel liberated, I hate to admit it but it felt damn good. I have tried to be supportive, I’ve encouraged him and tried to forgive. We’ve had many talks about how he feels and how he can’t control his actions. When he’s feeling good, he knows how much it hurts us but he says he can’t stop and then he feels so bad about himself and the things he’s done that he wants to kill him self. I struggle because I at the end of my rope and everything revolves around his feelings, mine are never considered. The last two years he’s gotten very aggressive and has put his hands on me a few times among other things like kick me out of the car and spray me with mud and snow. I just don’t know what to do anymore....",3.718643410852717,4.58323551550388,4.0410852713178285,91.61922480620159,71.75193798449612,7.128682170542637,26.73643410852713,7.1686216300943375,1.004168992248062,985,32,221,9,18,307,150,258,0.152,0.7390000000000001,0.109,-0.9303,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,0,1,15,18,5,1,13,1,19,2,2,4,1,43,36,27,1,1,6,0,9,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,12,16,0,2,13,1,0,4,5,11,0,1,8,12,30,7,24,27,5,34,0,2,0,0,30,10,1,3,18,135,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593664657057733,0.08941628922490741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657258976597243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956632107503828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691767264996786,0.06550732247274234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161273319312694,0.1205268225777436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403998062581363,0.10997007095060496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517868688329596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657915668846334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32601353190678284,0.0,0.1031795606493824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056144018023154565,0.0,0.0610726506462391,0.2703999542494336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626408706874197,0.1060956424920002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300787772924585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888984595547715,0.0,0.11811568051702785,0.08759518371103688,0.0,0.11378584663714705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052500092102610696,0.0,0.0,0.09509974028384513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894874414734274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899631332654956,0.0,0.08288066725697485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383093529402314,0.0,0.0,0.10158552568459443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080281414205006,0.12038108687886705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177123893641237,0.0,0.25637227012230346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121054207351398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290785854482454,0.0,0.08984233710198138,0.0,0.11234173118658272,0.0,0.0,0.1219456448551995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637320557320691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21417724854668616,0.0,0.0,0.08531215328610531,0.25064585388756777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591814018050378,0.0,0.1049739334029756,0.0,0.12926253773347915,0.0,0.0,0.0886667068511025,0.06338337325102635,0.08529766267760225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969669775826413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20760438107897164 bpd,ravenclaw188,2020/01/09,"Anyone else offer to send nudes to ppl who don’t deserve them or just to get some love? I feel like I always offer to send undeserving girls nudes because I just want someone to be happy from something I did. I’m a lesbian so from my perspective queer girls love when other queer girls send nudes so it usually makes them happy. I would NEVER send unwanted nudes, just wanted to put that in here. I feel like a lot of us can really be people pleasers especially with our preferred gender(s) of partners. Like I’ll do anything just to make them stay with me. I hate bpd. I hope I’m not alone in this",3.1744999999999983,4.9590007833333365,4.135000000000002,86.79,74.5,6.8000000000000025,24.5,7.554174236665415,1.1313999999999993,474,15,95,6,10,153,75,120,0.05,0.698,0.252,0.9738,0,1,1,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,3,0,8,9,1,0,2,0,7,9,4,2,1,21,20,4,0,6,6,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,5,3,1,0,0,1,2,15,8,15,16,2,11,0,0,0,9,18,2,2,4,6,57,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793905859762985,0.0,0.0,0.1429562398650386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013065305985725,0.17603540820437266,0.14138158522263405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473125853808306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21638346823481705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352175165311035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737404115458499,0.2454762835962805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976147161863443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657810686095647,0.0,0.1696227191733752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17064198614365386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25180699706782783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606319962833875,0.31012299554049594,0.0,0.22936349331761696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250727189942632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191085520024094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727123439247083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006323423006084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557054893458635,0.1322645458728595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831221888827887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066612975104703,0.0,0.1892198839147108,0.0,0.20267109692145416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204595467264727,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jizznipples95,2020/01/09,"I...I’m doing okay? It’s been 1 year and 1 month since I was diagnosed with BPD. I was in a psychiatric hospital after some severe mental breakdowns. I was terrified, I couldn’t sleep, barely ate, barely spoke, I was a mess. I was finally off suicide watch and able to go home after a month. I wasn’t magically healed though, I wasn’t just better and fine to carry on like normal, I was still a mess. I continued therapy and started group therapies. 2019 was a HARD year, I couldn’t work, but couldn’t get welfare either because of my partner’s income. But they never took into account the nearly $700 a month on meds, therapy and insurance. We are still very broke. I pushed through though. I went from 3+ panic attacks and outbursts a day to now 1 every 3-4 weeks. I credit a lot of my progress to DBT, it’s helped me so much! I don’t lash out at my partner anywhere near as much as I used to. If I am frustrated with him I just simply calmly tell him I am frustrated with him for xyz. I didn’t think I’d come very far from where I was this time last year, but upon looking back at the year during NYE celebrations, I realised I’ve come very very far in this past year! I couldn’t leave the house by myself, now I do all the time. I couldn’t communicate my emotions correctly, now I can. I’ve even started applying for jobs! I can’t believe it, for the first time in over a year, I’m okay. I’m getting back to my normal self, I’m starting to do things I really love again. I am genuinely happy and can identify the areas where I am unhappy. I don’t know what the point of this post was, maybe to share that it is possible to feel happy again. I know this isn’t the end of my BPD, I know I will have bad times as well as good times in the future. I know I still need to go to therapy and practice my DBT skills. But I never thought I’d ever be happy again, and here I am.",2.2785373621886507,3.5209622632911386,4.13682319314006,88.0983911800735,75.73417721518987,7.42588811759902,23.881175990200084,8.049812674583475,1.1612490812576564,1454,44,322,23,31,494,195,395,0.113,0.7559999999999999,0.132,0.8509,2,0,0,0,0,1,52.0,1,0,1,5,23,22,3,1,18,2,37,5,1,1,5,48,64,21,1,9,8,0,2,1,2,1,2,1,1,3,11,17,1,0,7,0,2,7,14,8,1,1,18,5,52,14,46,39,6,71,0,1,2,1,14,21,0,3,43,209,63,3,0.07979183661738032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077473327581168,0.0,0.12270999420525433,0.06662285066827049,0.04864036300090339,0.0,0.0,0.08989807586946366,0.0,0.07056939527324843,0.0,0.0,0.2009900499478633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374672039876293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051459133604264316,0.0,0.0,0.08098703456167522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975507650695576,0.0706718837711492,0.0,0.0,0.05270175555104596,0.072176284389278,0.06722806374383737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0403451500701844,0.0,0.0,0.08740805682017883,0.0,0.06787089546506507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337588269194841,0.0,0.09069507910650736,0.06692560685661172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254819681407123,0.07147781289523011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05348278614490023,0.0,0.08003771795592618,0.0,0.0,0.09206906639940324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918108576038221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754060266724394,0.0650409965177331,0.0,0.08448803394611193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0389822609299046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700504667103126,0.0,0.0,0.06783616610901708,0.0720152478284797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801616246339362,0.0,0.08863074269996275,0.0,0.08041140407005841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19106724818840212,0.0,0.11731236176033005,0.059164635813096875,0.12308076682003882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635811694799973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361852815888301,0.0,0.0,0.07617033668579583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542907660425731,0.0899533068423404,0.07641852297859934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051116693723841145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324028754487924,0.09014206353431864,0.0,0.06600463179598529,0.0,0.0798494613275212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943121793233307,0.0,0.19116559138187147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727931852027973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974158217115238,0.0,0.36499567639795705,0.0,0.053010150736356336,0.05112738705126567,0.15679014870258742,0.06334580543956034,0.23263630800273485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865166640432882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891452783466732,0.0,0.2633464867459277,0.0,0.0,0.06400419836507247,0.0,0.07174244373337099,0.07396783194451496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05808940737364043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30829996022080824 bpd,rexipexi,2020/01/09,"How do you cope with not being able to see your FP? I have no idea what to do whenever I can’t see my FP (boyfriend), even if it’s literally for a day. Today I was expecting to see him and then we couldn’t see each other and I can’t help feeling so empty and self destructive, I’d been waiting the entire day to see him and feel something and now that it’s not gonna happen I feel the need to do anything else to feel something (I already binged and now want to hurt myself). I know it’s irrational and a very disproportionate reaction but I don’t know how to cope, what do you guys do?",2.727857142857143,3.505276071428576,4.479523809523811,87.88214285714287,74.0,7.822222222222222,25.11111111111111,8.167268648758528,1.2309587301587306,459,14,106,7,9,156,73,126,0.087,0.8759999999999999,0.037000000000000005,-0.6865,0,0,2,0,0,2,11.0,1,3,0,0,6,2,1,0,4,0,13,0,0,2,0,28,29,13,0,5,4,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,10,0,1,7,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,2,9,16,0,10,24,1,6,0,1,5,0,9,0,0,1,6,70,23,0,0.16344211803724384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803624414998269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344989369736649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108132898099119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653491718560345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795197750427243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33056498306319543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618333931900641,0.14453132520445078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955180650837916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17496816774915872,0.18450625702106555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17964702738523086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119025955705845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6512110357666306,0.0,0.17050577451429189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25165145504898745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492401711406148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348568644240417,0.09640239585762632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kdub_54,2020/01/09,Filling the emptiness The chronic emptiness is setting in for me today. What do you guys to to help fill it?,3.1085714285714303,5.460749619047622,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,76.61904761904762,4.2,34.3095238095238,3.1291,1.6329809523809522,86,5,15,0,2,27,18,21,0.21899999999999997,0.679,0.102,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6489288014537734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4392871031943665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6212231898527862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jackeyam,2020/01/09,"hypochondria / illness anxiety and connection to bpd? I’ve had a lot of anxiety surrounding my health for a long while and I have noticed that it ebbs and flows depending on what intense emotions I feel and what triggers are happening. I tend to get VERY preoccupied with what my body is Doing but never really feeling connected to myself or my body that is doing the Thing. I tend to become overly aware of my body when I notice the tiniest bodily changes and blow it out of proportion and cannot let it go. I begin to diagnose myself with many different illnesses and seek affirmations from others surrounding my suspected illness. It’s exhausting bc I realize what I’m doing but the anxiety will not settle even with the use of my DBT skills. I don’t know if it’s a borderline thing or what bc I also see it in my cousin who has bpd and one of my clients with bpd (i’m a social worker.) does anyone else relate ?",4.296356340288924,6.052167977528093,5.8090208667736745,76.0603370786517,71.47191011235954,9.804815409309793,29.56821829855538,10.125756701596842,3.3130757624398086,732,30,131,21,14,248,106,178,0.13,0.863,0.006999999999999999,-0.9592,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,8,0,13,9,3,3,1,29,26,16,0,1,6,1,2,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,17,13,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,1,3,19,0,20,23,1,14,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,5,5,98,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377902691896924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978268378314908,0.0,0.0,0.0907399542175188,0.13296726917124105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332353821347785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4324440002974834,0.4903317887884602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728210512820904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171636286008506,0.0,0.135584649088136,0.0,0.0,0.11356479534968307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840827750875803,0.14597660341201574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571351692397959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312337574786013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780077871643332,0.0,0.07375270630584338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475739931180595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794210644728316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131957597310894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270118070833573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484458494431388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032794469647847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156895344257108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008855757781683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295493718568152,0.0,0.0,0.08793720924529087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313559096437696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341188633261722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228672819399276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17243017447046738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208177955558804,0.0,0.10707590910659738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,idahobeachhouse,2020/01/09,"How do you guys have guy friends without trying to have sex with them? Serious question. I legit can’t have guy friends because I WILL try to have sex with them and then either get upset when they don’t want to or actually do it and fuck up the friendship. It’s tiring. I just want friends, no matter the gender.",2.286190476190473,4.434108968253972,3.301825396825397,90.09178571428572,78.36507936507937,5.469841269841268,24.785714285714285,6.42735559955562,0.7525047619047621,247,9,50,2,6,79,43,63,0.134,0.643,0.222,0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,3,0,3,6,1,1,2,0,9,4,0,1,0,13,13,6,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,7,3,7,12,1,3,0,0,0,3,11,1,1,2,2,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.2017853922798349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604988231927494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4792682539467895,0.19116282705485246,0.10803291292656038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6142278611350714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23163855980927214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23766076595590696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807772277008161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24392591355309856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19932650678639885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,l0n3lygirl,2020/01/09,"Hypersexuality/rough sex/loneliness Anyone need sex every day, and if available would have it multiple times a day? I'm 31 years old so I assume to some extent it could be naturally high libido. Hubby says he can't keep up, my libido is higher than others, and I feel like some kinda freak. Diagnosed a couple of months ago but have always known I was fucked deep down. I've always been highly sexual. I think about it multiple times a day. I panic when I know I have work for a few days so can't get it. When I do get it I want it rough. Hard. Sometimes up to the point of caving pain. Hubby is not on board with hurting me, and says these wants are coming from a dark place that I need to explore deeper. Does anyone have similar things going on? I'm up to the point now where I'm trying not to initiate sex at all, trying to tolerate the distress of not getting it. I'll be talking to my psychologist about it next week 😔",2.196283846872081,4.092890259259264,4.167046374105201,84.98868347338939,77.62433862433863,6.7751011515717385,20.112356053532523,7.724431198458867,0.7160399004046063,725,17,148,11,17,247,117,189,0.145,0.8370000000000001,0.017,-0.9792,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,8,7,1,2,8,0,16,5,0,0,1,27,33,9,0,7,5,0,3,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,12,5,0,1,6,0,0,3,5,6,0,0,2,5,13,1,23,27,5,32,0,1,0,3,4,14,1,5,16,90,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135329618502627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22782298220392894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19144686276052136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792694259759785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930324577171902,0.15147687946312915,0.0,0.35315584335116296,0.0,0.0,0.13895028194163034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980182256660155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153438752530473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922058583291273,0.09780115062140617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265615376743471,0.21457327959741426,0.0,0.07780323653516784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263521325502748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892840324368676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14655392669214126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168271563602953,0.0,0.0,0.07523647764209614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688226302208246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927200939952844,0.0,0.0,0.2030187392759288,0.0,0.0,0.14559435067833373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436531732216693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456708995640768,0.16062226445309385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430310161066753,0.0,0.2588288734729933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177362224860504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539727278816124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003476797558524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095005676465004,0.08771977989022535,0.0,0.0,0.15965459538945395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858917773357629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149394300933667,0.0,0.10981265651234746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966458922807847,0.0,0.0,0.09724959674966943,0.0,0.0,0.08815889816423103 bpd,peachs0da_,2020/01/09,"Why do I feel the need to seek attention from other people when I already have a person who is madly in love with me and gives me everything I’ve ever wanted in a relationship? When things in my relationship are good, they’re so good and then the lows of the relationship hit and I feel like this. I don’t act on my feelings but I wish I could understand why I have feelings like this. I love my partner and I love what we have. I feel like a bad person. Should I leave the past 6 years behind or is it just my BPD making me push away another thing that I love? I want a future together don’t I? Isn’t this what I’ve been searching for my whole life? A person that I can give my everything to? I got that, didn’t I? What do I want...",0.8733333333333348,2.682164273885352,3.072891719745225,91.67375371549896,81.42038216560509,6.4796602972399135,19.383864118895964,7.554174236665415,0.3915234819532905,569,14,132,9,15,194,84,157,0.057999999999999996,0.7040000000000001,0.23800000000000002,0.9846,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,0,6,12,1,0,9,0,16,5,0,1,1,25,36,10,0,7,3,0,5,3,1,1,1,0,0,4,14,6,0,0,7,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,3,5,28,9,12,30,1,15,0,1,0,4,15,6,0,1,10,92,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581165016441076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954826657116065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071151093881331,0.0,0.09519266480795788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435902116354033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910268253228204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031275722674018,0.0,0.0,0.2049276862000425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882316133829824,0.24434393117415595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21873544054161476,0.0,0.1912505032933017,0.09118332789520864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071895776062835,0.0,0.0,0.08052785387558806,0.16709696121982645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115899142012169,0.0,0.0761018224164242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453615071928049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883439023862604,0.07903941243354415,0.2986445076210782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672086583787243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148488723760242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186872799828924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20173619965100711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057505887934073,0.12728685929066486,0.13110460224046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341799017210983 bpd,sadchairsadposting,2020/01/09,"Nail picking? I dont pick at my skin but pick at my nails all the time, is this the same? Ive found the only thing that stops me is having acrylic nails done",-0.6372857142857136,1.3132732000000047,0.633928571428573,106.10232142857143,88.42857142857143,3.5,14.464285714285715,3.1291,-1.6605714285714286,122,2,32,0,4,38,27,35,0.068,0.932,0.0,-0.3094,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,1,1,3,1,8,7,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,2,5,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4293193746820359,0.4916797675018341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4599871268564337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31906740223040225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507413940100139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278713537305629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24462819821674306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ThrowawayBPD0018,2020/01/09,"I can’t get over my ex-FP, it’s been 6 months and I have another boyfriend I feel pretty horrible about this one. Throwaway for personal reasons. I cannot get over my ex-FP/BF. We didn’t date for a while and he broke up with me 6 months ago. However, prior to that, we had been friends for 3+ years. I felt very safe and protected by him. The way he made me feel really filled the incessant void in my life. However, that all came crashing down once he broke up with me due to... I assume it was my BPD symptoms. I never really got the reason why he broke up with me, he just told me that we were done over text and left it at that. He emotionally abused me through other people after our breakup- told everyone I was toxic, crazy, psychotic, etc. The works. I met another guy quickly after the breakup and we ended up dating 1 month after I got dumped. For a while, I forgot about my ex. It felt so good to have a healthy attachment to someone and to not be dependent on them. But for the past 2 months, I’ve been suddenly mourning my ex again- off and on. It makes me feel horrible, because I know that my ex is bad for me. I don’t want him back, but part of me wants to talk to him as a friend again. I miss the way he made me feel- it was almost intoxicating. My new boyfriend is great, but it just sadly isn’t the same. I know that my ex is over me and wants nothing to do with me. He tells that to one of my friends all the time. I want to get over him and just be happy with my new boyfriend, but it’s been very difficult to forget him. I miss talking to him as a friend. But I know that if we ever talked again, even as friends- it would be utterly toxic. I absolutely need to move on- I feel like I’m lying to my current boyfriend, and I’m also doing myself a disservice as my ex-FP just ended up abusing me in the end. Our relationship was full of drama. I tend to switch between missing him and hating him and feeling glad that he’s gone. Can anyone relate to this feeling, and does anyone have tips for getting over an ex like this?",2.082673564753005,3.499405418224299,3.7085821094793054,90.25430841121496,76.59345794392524,7.040961281708945,23.67716955941255,7.760100539840176,0.9667900400534042,1581,49,357,23,35,527,195,428,0.111,0.76,0.13,0.8876,3,0,0,0,1,0,58.0,7,0,1,1,15,24,2,0,17,0,29,3,0,6,4,69,68,27,1,7,11,5,9,2,5,1,3,0,0,2,22,24,0,3,15,1,0,4,7,12,0,2,24,9,64,12,62,40,6,58,0,8,0,0,45,21,0,4,33,238,86,1,0.0,0.19859311256170384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428907491226085,0.0,0.08391973030657124,0.0,0.0,0.06701972939256587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757560624619669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719838501666167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444173853199073,0.06997461536570941,0.05108743708947412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555088304060374,0.0,0.0,0.09585188295085297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333930639762719,0.08576276467034244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427061275066707,0.22268206033451002,0.0,0.09346598462726463,0.05535315641392105,0.07580743975987082,0.0,0.08008034567242113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966242709221475,0.05987111379274955,0.16093404873289535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237420287109179,0.0,0.17514096931082435,0.0,0.0,0.07029260307737686,0.13405483101255067,0.0923965507536419,0.0,0.08298124159782687,0.0,0.08921318043894569,0.0,0.08274119986407212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817296685126151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105560207526246,0.0,0.05919474586133513,0.08188688077122197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15859876721417515,0.05594124046177172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26757300369387016,0.08907264994077428,0.0,0.0621411811825314,0.06463645153847004,0.16188095915142553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041423901103986,0.0,0.0,0.08925078999769581,0.11357840099538627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075386857029684,0.08000243097378577,0.058100616207421935,0.07317627744401457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526095988972643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737670172363432,0.1723333126594504,0.0,0.08997641670832238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100865934950709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710665462762135,0.0,0.20208057081436226,0.0732502488030972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04886802653835666,0.0,0.0,0.16016069134484226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829766313747227,0.19772409991740014,0.1330428053362861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562199430561238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06101185849929967,0.0,0.0,0.059533468024701164,0.0,0.0,0.05396839802290465 bpd,a-ton-of-bees,2020/01/09,"My body like physically hurts because of the emotional pain im in My boyfriend/FP treats me like shit. I'm constantly ignored and treated like I'm literally invisible around him and he does not care about me based on his actions. But he still stays and watches me being depressed and helpless and tell him that I wish he would treat me better, and he will argue that he does care but continues to treat me like shit. There's a lot more to explain about why I'm still with him, etc. but I'm literally exhausted of talking about how he is hurting me and why I stay with him when everyone tells me I need to leave. I don't want to talk to a friend and have a whole big discussion so I'm coming here just to vent it out. My chest is hurting and I've had a sick feeling for weeks that hasn't gone away. I keep going in and out of a deep depression every other day sometimes more briefly. Just everything hurts. Not exactly looking for advice but feel free to comment. I hope some people here understand staying in a bad relationship despite being told by everyone, even yourself, to leave. The way he treats me isn't just my borderline imagination. Even his friends are starting to notice just by being near us.",3.890846970367093,5.628348071428577,4.714590888987175,83.57204997788591,72.48739495798318,8.035736399823087,29.33303847854932,8.6894789155246,2.2659126050420166,963,40,189,18,19,311,136,238,0.20199999999999999,0.66,0.138,-0.9494,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,1,18,30,3,0,8,0,13,7,4,1,1,42,35,17,0,5,10,0,2,4,2,2,3,0,0,0,5,16,0,2,5,0,1,4,5,14,0,0,3,4,25,17,30,27,6,27,0,7,2,0,26,11,2,3,12,117,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651312622060054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792280176791215,0.0,0.0,0.09279403710593444,0.0,0.08246559911911952,0.06020692053862067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735062223108964,0.0,0.1097069132258837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139731863910507,0.0,0.0,0.08507828186845398,0.0,0.10673110702787778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369598779188107,0.0,0.17013425853804767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286182451886029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109861082023052,0.0,0.0,0.1101503506559168,0.1304682043038496,0.0,0.08321473036118927,0.18875055329789164,0.08876463566113278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987825314334946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526129452410996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056131071851869066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980970594998392,0.0,0.0,0.4229247705196323,0.0,0.106684376557955,0.0,0.0,0.08778788079605422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20915815723510825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19300858311266744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293868038226654,0.0,0.0,0.08396743795876706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323383929164748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244590184896573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050941335385407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847200373584365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603786918533696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20276404110922494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097682235159769,0.0,0.06990718027484183,0.3158146830895367,0.15774952953966787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876895981440406,0.17265191445788636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437527664894582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281903202682152,0.11880350232874105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058254826678073565,0.07839596254445234,0.0792242378008664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824215351245745,0.11026886507034983,0.11357618355200798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016063014619693,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wafflesandweed9494,2020/01/09,"Self worth and engagement I hate im posting this but y’all will understand more than anyone else. I’ve had a fair share of abusive relationships, and grew up in an incredibly strict catholic home. I’m 25 years old living with my boyfriend of a year who frequents the topic of marriage and kids. He is loving and supportive and I’m so lucky to have him. My mother (whom I love) doesn’t believe in living with each other before marriage and apparently my whole family has been discussing what the hold up for proposal is. I didn’t think a year was so long, but she said she’d be thinking about it 6 months ago and other people are talking as well. I am having so much trouble separating this from my own mind now. She also said an ultimatum by summer now I feel like I need to split on my fp whom I love with all my heart. “Mother knows best” is in my head...",3.1529644921552418,4.780452393063584,4.371482246077623,85.73065028901738,74.20231213872833,7.254995871180843,24.49587118084228,7.957251820313856,1.2566634186622627,676,21,139,10,14,222,119,173,0.063,0.73,0.207,0.9811,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,1,8,12,1,0,7,0,16,5,2,0,1,23,31,14,0,1,2,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,2,9,11,0,1,5,0,1,1,2,2,1,0,6,3,19,10,20,22,7,19,0,0,0,3,24,6,0,1,12,93,28,0,0.0,0.16970022019450487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269618287163883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145383411195676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001474395925406,0.14675268102065028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121875373487144,0.1613674454361153,0.15030758641432174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964753031629413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502138694272725,0.0,0.07241972355465953,0.10232118388056437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140671501614044,0.14699191622809302,0.0,0.0,0.16972433040766555,0.0,0.0,0.14366805919003212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15470941500828098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871364922017524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699733314950684,0.0,0.2529436022039959,0.1267511233879435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3878030690469277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461813876341384,0.0,0.1143221863518721,0.0,0.10528810518052534,0.10620078404326036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502923294751484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929536061601804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717158813235925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377187587984129,0.0,0.0,0.2724827826524077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941668582528012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253196308980258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512019700942876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835477736423656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491040470011646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877800512002646,0.0,0.0,0.15990749685258224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766998989006537 bpd,sagevoss,2020/01/09,"Lonely A room full of humans and I feel alone. A lovely partner and I feel unloved. A family full of siblings and I feel singled out. A bed. With my pets and I feel like food. A brain full of voices and I cant think alone. A school full of kids and I feel friendless. A lovely partner on the phone and I feel loveless. I need someone to talk to but I'm left screaming alone. I'm left swimming without arms or legs. I'm stuck. I need help and yet I'm helpless. I take pills for sleep yet I'm restless. I try and fail and fail again. I'm empty handed and dead again.",-1.9375964187327843,-0.4824542809917336,0.22418388429752234,102.4350637052342,112.47107438016528,2.3472451790633606,15.785468319559227,4.2952094502661415,-1.2081490358126716,436,13,101,1,24,142,63,121,0.318,0.603,0.078,-0.9835,0,5,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,4,10,0,1,8,0,1,9,5,0,0,25,20,13,1,2,3,0,7,1,2,0,1,2,3,4,0,13,1,0,7,1,0,1,2,7,0,0,1,9,12,3,11,19,5,14,0,4,0,2,9,9,0,1,5,54,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4938219015579364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17742248465641788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982847409130395,0.0,0.48216968822478,0.11354221131311262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19218316659153625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652985664951352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3453636906726184,0.0,0.0,0.07764693966177473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868875980754665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356945337445132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608493105249395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904840196087686,0.0,0.13466394216135225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949830421056055,0.12774482506485654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183824751910156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790549666093392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153206340048302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fayemoonlight,2020/01/09,"Lost favourite person This is my first ever reddit post, so I apologise now if I’ve done something wrong. Basically, I lost my favourite person 4 days ago and he had been in my life for 5 years. I pushed him too far for the final time and he had enough. I can’t blame him, because he almost left the last time but he’s done for good now. Anyway, I’m actually okay. I haven’t cried or been depressed and that’s why I’m so scared. When he does leave for a while, I’m okay, then it all hits me and I break. This time I know I’m in sheer denial because I haven’t accepted that this is it this time. I just don’t know what to do. I looked into transferring universities and I’ve already looked at jobs where I want to go when I finish because I know I have no reason to stay where I am now. Even writing this, the reality of the situation is creeping up on me and I just can’t deal with it. I wish I wasn’t like this, but I am, and I have nothing to help me. Sorry for the rant, I just didn’t know where to go",1.6968609625668452,2.7061974454545488,3.5097860962566862,92.94879679144388,76.81818181818181,6.6310160427807485,21.577540106951872,7.048011613610866,0.2735828877005351,778,19,191,8,17,262,113,220,0.147,0.752,0.10099999999999999,-0.8366,1,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,3,18,10,0,1,6,2,21,1,0,1,2,28,38,17,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,12,9,0,0,6,0,0,3,8,5,0,1,10,2,29,5,18,27,2,36,0,3,2,0,12,11,0,3,20,120,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.12576181031361938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423845891947775,0.0,0.1290480555113044,0.0,0.1422149587100672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23568001446269515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415613358381518,0.08311265653908002,0.13286277657450407,0.11099843715121857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277794683785425,0.2637643847412284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316063212811635,0.0,0.08511963963104227,0.11657333333369453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117446790129984,0.0,0.10961961519150616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464834021018027,0.10809286100926747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863810974704363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278869254932177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28330171591740666,0.10504898986658977,0.0,0.1364582816536855,0.14002128400910271,0.0,0.09102706624514703,0.06296101463153032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21644233162499105,0.0,0.2813609947066926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365746579363578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22505449622414628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234250561307118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250327912923665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290247166887977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485905755745304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921300962527288,0.0,0.14426317683245748,0.0,0.1373618558800588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005883731233077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601284742232234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628816350309525,0.0,0.1481980052718604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090278957988395,0.0,0.08299021932593867 bpd,feministdude,2020/01/09,"Think I’m addicted to my pwBPD girlfriend and the high’s so good I can’t quit I met her Just about two months ago and it’s been the most magical time of my life. And the most horrible. Every time we’re together is one of the best times of my life. I feel completely intoxicated, like a teenager. Amazing adventures no one has ever had with me! And the way she looks at me.... Every time we’re apart, she dumps me. She’s broken up with me about once each week. Yet we’ve never had a single fight in person. After the first time, she told me about her diagnosis, DBT therapy, and explained it all to me. Since then, I’ve tried educating myself on it. When she’s with me, she’s one of the most brilliant people I’ve ever known, is fully aware of what’s going on, and can process it. An hour later she’s a completely different person, and i’m just every bad relationship she’s ever had, she‘s unlovable, a garbage person, meant to be alone forever, it hurts so much she can never go through it again, and it’s all my fault. The next morning, it’s like it never happened and if I mention it I’m being “dramatic.” I’m left wondering am I going crazy? Together, i feel we’re so in love. Every single time it’s magic! And she’s truly the most brilliant , creative, fun, person I’ve ever met. As soon as we’re apart, she’s certain I’ve never loved her. She is “unlovable.” I’m a liar who’s leading her on. intermittently, she explains that this is the bdp, and I see how much this tortures her. Later it’s all me and I’m “crazy making” if I mention what she said just hours earlier. Now I can think of hardly anything but her. We’ve broken up this time “for good!” Until next week. And I can’t stop looking for her messages and thinking of her. It’s destroying me, but I’m just lost without her. I wish so much we could have a chance at a future together. But this is just killing me. And I lack the skills to adequately deal with it. I guess that it is time... I just wish she knew how lovable and amazing she is, how much she deserves love and how much she has to offer, and i wish that she could hold onto that in her dark times of doubt. I love her, and I hate this thing that has stollen her from me.",0.7385054945054961,2.9423661142857145,2.7154835164835203,91.8020164835165,84.56043956043956,5.574065934065933,20.52857142857143,6.918507183188421,0.3981024175824177,1702,52,371,22,50,569,186,455,0.149,0.725,0.126,-0.8035,1,1,0,0,1,0,66.0,1,0,0,6,26,28,7,1,19,0,25,8,0,6,12,80,64,37,1,8,12,0,3,2,1,0,4,1,0,4,29,25,0,2,11,0,0,4,8,14,0,5,11,7,66,14,40,49,17,58,0,2,3,4,56,15,0,9,40,254,95,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054923644183233,0.0,0.0,0.06549758737234783,0.0,0.0,0.07652607422224766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06080383795258789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061693707845668265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754129231936614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549411134169768,0.0,0.0,0.117987712160681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617567148166053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719762683758556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673450660146349,0.2490165750663419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472036625430738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284941508874517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597740093628498,0.1239481287693462,0.0,0.0,0.08139637668389497,0.0,0.06533924709401176,0.0,0.06618947196004367,0.07294947438490093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806712625699883,0.0,0.0,0.14553033384419628,0.0,0.07909903496682759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817465408422203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027993698548451,0.0,0.1043790905625299,0.07219625677526041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409525356670788,0.0,0.08065789099519369,0.0,0.2667485774264278,0.0,0.049321064896686376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05897699698313371,0.0,0.2715822912308229,0.0,0.22794908333853844,0.0,0.157162252765427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868870924599923,0.15020602797099378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051224896674609235,0.2580659205210527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858938323736787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793284641350607,0.0,0.0,0.07028476607762046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887946950754577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112122837190107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06177399104392816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449779767286335,0.0,0.049088153982896864,0.14203406404923216,0.0,0.0,0.3877641574513366,0.0,0.0,0.07060350991962024,0.0,0.05016535731046951,0.0,0.07217820719112072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058649153843060485,0.11853759709239067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25490395854017484,0.07122575798805322,0.08012879217141279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,alees0419,2020/01/09,"DAE feel like they'll never end up happy in a relationship? I feel like I'm the one who falls in love with someone, just in time for them to walk away from me - everytime I've been happy in a relationship, like truly happy, it ends so brutally (each time them finding someone new and better than I). I feel like i'm going to ultimately settle for someone who I don't love and I'm not happy with, but is safe and secure and deals with my shit",2.855124223602488,4.061342586956524,4.798757763975157,84.0667391304348,74.21739130434783,7.431055900621117,22.92546583850932,7.957251820313856,1.0482465838509325,346,9,73,5,7,119,57,92,0.153,0.625,0.222,0.6244,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,3,1,2,15,2,0,3,0,4,3,1,0,1,17,13,6,0,0,3,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,2,4,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,1,3,9,13,15,11,1,15,0,0,0,2,10,6,1,0,10,44,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715083230925747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969200463533093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952350410179196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397316685844001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052869464382764,0.29004810241973034,0.0,0.0,0.12369290630933945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691348201854932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5762626205511664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26446960118342216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442885997116785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437799314916847,0.13070650726573182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917058817340404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905963301892702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389184983944278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440044053796734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782879220088789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Katchy24,2020/01/09,"Unlovable Hi. Sorry, Long post . Im not sure if this is the right forum but Id appreciate your thoughts. Having read about BDP I can relate to many of the symptoms. I score highly in the self tests. But Im 48 and Ive been told that its unlikely to develop BDP at my age. The last 4 years Ive had major constant relationship stress. Ive had a breakdown and spent time in hospital .. I was married for 22 years. I (and all our family) thought it wad a good solid relationship, I trusted him implicitly. I cant describe how shocked I was when he came home one day and said he had been having an affair, was leaving and wanted a whole new life. He left. But came back 2 days later. We had counseling. He left again. Came back 2 weeks later. Made every promise under the sun. I caught him arranging to meet the girlfriend. He left. Came back. Bought me an engagement ring. Lots of promises. Took the ring back to the shop when I found his emails to her. Met her and stayed overnight in a hotel. Came home the next day. This went on for 4 months until he finally left. I was an absolute mess by this point. He told me he was having some sort of breakdown and needed my support . Ha. He immediately cut all contact with me and our sons and all our family and friends. He hired a lawyer and for the next 3 years I was fighting for a fair financial settlement. Almost immediately after my husband left I met a guy and began a horrible unhealthy relationship with a self confessed serial cheat. He had multiple affairs while he was previously married. My ""logic"" at the time was "" its better to be with an open cheat who wont leave me"" . I convinced myself it was like having an open relationship and that I could cope with it. We split up many times but he always came back. It was like a continuim from what my husband had done. I was SO desperate not to be abandoned. Ive been hypervigilant and hysterical. But the boyfriend constantly went out with ex girlfriends, was very secretive, had sexual videos of these women, wouldnt include me with his 'friends.' And all the while I was also under enormous stress from trying to selling the family home, laywers demands, my kids stress. Etc etc. Boyfriend finally left me and immediately moved in with his ""friend"" who, amazingly is now his girlfriend. 🤢. Also during this time I have fallen out with my boss and had to change jobs. My (schzophrenic alcoholic) brother is no longer speaking to me. Ive been on antidepressents and had some councilling. Read everything I can. Right now Im feeling great. Financial settlement is finallized. Boyfriend has finally moved out. Job is stable. But the thought of dating and relationships make me feel physically ill. I have no trust in people. I dont feel lovable. I just want this peace and safety of being alone. And I know I will react BPD ish if i get involved with anyone.",2.576878453038674,5.250592953959487,3.694564456721914,84.69344889502763,80.78637200736648,6.861252302025784,24.88793738489872,8.021203637495839,1.7129482136279919,2246,86,423,44,60,725,266,543,0.11800000000000001,0.747,0.135,0.8953,2,1,1,0,2,0,77.0,5,1,0,1,16,29,4,3,30,1,55,4,0,5,6,87,88,38,0,7,11,5,3,2,6,3,4,4,3,5,17,43,1,1,11,5,4,13,8,11,0,1,50,7,60,18,50,31,11,85,1,1,0,0,66,28,0,7,44,268,77,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060653114860752165,0.0568312597740842,0.05878036597208626,0.0,0.09077282868244614,0.04722414608397983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0396839446436084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21820286894549304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050194589635835785,0.0,0.0,0.07148008735908458,0.0,0.0,0.3894709794644193,0.0,0.0,0.060038552007711625,0.0,0.0,0.12266252905376615,0.0,0.04531371151270787,0.0,0.0,0.1098055361370307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058079380619056015,0.06651564789168338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659215259600762,0.0,0.0,0.04781796781122386,0.0,0.05100712905510638,0.0,0.16050878385724154,0.0,0.08609007815900042,0.0,0.0,0.2486863618976132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622281895391913,0.13154475544365646,0.0,0.029651793111187374,0.0,0.0,0.047602836318626544,0.0,0.0625718452493454,0.0,0.056195706068098095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996406190194185,0.1707876506223694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18391323490683492,0.0,0.11263982329090333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031190693552014762,0.04626235093941675,0.0,0.1201892740229071,0.3699824503620699,0.0,0.040087259182278484,0.055454594243785016,0.0,0.0,0.0502257929359682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048250498776787436,0.0,0.05370231593018188,0.03788395359653001,0.11507995811230967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045300761888493565,0.1206417344063801,0.0,0.04208261391631688,0.0,0.0548136821245968,0.1207177400440024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038458200402417535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0393463039103667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05365118309574024,0.0,0.054354956374999035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353936991331855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30466453435989616,0.0,0.0969357693415384,0.053986361044820665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184142802501262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353182189313845,0.0,0.06049256057086504,0.0,0.0,0.19503566751781576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440413706346163,0.053490281000322944,0.05898947600414474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13516978699669654,0.132375616589927,0.0,0.0,0.10846238211400587,0.06305614492611566,0.03853246219407677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046828263098570966,0.0669503443645055,0.0,0.04552489729387417,0.0,0.0,0.10522365839557768,0.0,0.06336417864514747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964377637152753 bpd,lglebo,2020/01/09,"How do I keep going to work every day? TL;DR: I’m having a hard time getting through each day and working. How do I keep going each day? Trigger warning: I mention self harm and child abuse. Hello. My first post on this subreddit. I am struggling and hope that I can get some advice. If you look at my profile, I have posted about my severely abusive childhood and traumas. It may be triggering so read it with caution. From this, I’ve been diagnosed with C-PTSD as well as BPD, chronic depression and anxiety. I am very high functioning though and hyper aware of every thought and move I make, which is pretty exhausting. Also would like to mention I am NC with my entire family so my husband and his family is all I have. I have noticed I have a very hard time holding jobs. I am very effected by negative energy. So much so that one bad feeling can send me crashing down to where I just want to deteriorate into the floor. I also am one of those people that believe if I am not happy somewhere, that I shouldn’t have to stay there. I try to protect myself and boundaries anyway I can but it’s getting old jumping around from job to job and we NEED this money. Anyway, I have 3 kids. (2 of which are a direct product of my abuse and not my husband’s biological children. My 3rd child is his only bio child) I worked at a very easy retail job for 2 years at an outlet makeup store to be easy on my mental health, but I only made $100 a week. I absolutely loved it and it was everything I wanted in a job. I enjoyed going there every single day. It just wasn’t enough for us. I needed to contribute more. My husband only makes about $500 a week. I found a new day job that is 7 am to 4 pm which worked great with our schedules and children’s schedules. I was ecstatic when I learned that I got this job. I was able to figure out daycare pretty easily and more than tripled what I was making at the makeup store. But it is SO stressful. I manage and schedule 8 electricians on top of the billing/permitting and all paperwork for this company (electrical contractor). It’s a very small company, as in the President of the company is a short hallway away from my desk and is usually copied on every email that goes in and out. The techs are all very mean spirited, and I feel legit verbally abused every day by most of them. I constantly feel like I’m walking on egg shells. But the techs are basically allowed to get away with whatever they want because they are the ones that make the company money. I work directly under the service manager who has told this to me, that the techs are babied and are not held accountable for anything they do wrong. One guy in particular, who isn’t allowed to do jobs at certain places because of complaints, has made me cry almost every week. I cry to myself at my desk but quickly cover it up to avoid any awkward conversations. When I finally dished it back to this particular tech, he threw his hands up and changed into the victim, basically gaslighting me. Making it seem like I was overreacting when really I was just sticking up for myself. Something I dealt with my entire childhood through my severe abuse. After this incident, the President approached me and told me he’s sorry he’s so mean to me but I need to stand my ground and “he’s just like that to everyone.” Sweeping his actions competed under the rug. He had the guy talk to me privately and told me he was going to apologize. Instead of an apology, he sat me down and told me to “get a hold of my emotions and stop being a woman. Just go take a walk.” With my traumas, this is all very triggering. I just want to crawl in a ball every day but I can’t because I have to keep the logistics of the company in check. I just never feel like I’m doing good enough. It is very demanding and I’m at the point of “what did I get myself into?” It’s so very easy to make a mistake because of the work load. My anxiety goes absolutely insane all day, Monday thru Friday, scared that I’m gonna make a mistake behind the scenes on top of making any one of the 8 techs angry. (I am on anxiety meds but it just doesn’t touch this anxiousness) There is also not one coworker that I find comfort or can confide in. I am the youngest in the office (25F) and I do not relate with one person. I am very liberal and every single person there is an extreme conservative. Everyone makes pretty severe racist remarks, I’m talking every day, as well as homophobic remarks (not to mention I’m bisexual so this makes me very uncomfortable). It’s not just political views either. I can respect what other people think, but the blatant disrespect and racism I witness daily is draining. In all aspects, I just don’t fit in and I am utterly miserable. All in all, I absolutely hate this job but now we’re accustomed to the money I am making. In the last week, I got in one of those fogs where I completely detach from myself, can’t focus, burst out crying for no reason, and my PTSD just became crippling. I left early on Monday and called off yesterday and today. There was no way I could show up and do my job normally. This morning after I called off I got a pretty mean text from the President saying that I absolutely have to be there from now on and that I’ve used up all of my PTO until September. Now I’m in panic mode. I won’t know what to do if I lose this job. I just don’t know how to cope. I don’t know how to get through my days. I don’t even want to wake up. Most days I fantasize about getting in a car accident when I’m driving there so I can just be put out of my misery. I relapsed with self harm the same month I started this job and it’s taken everything not to relapse in these last few days. I just want to be a normal adult that can hold down a full time job but my mental health is so fragile. I also feel like I’m absolutely draining the life out of my husband from complaining and not wanting to go to work. He has been my saving grace the past few years and I feel like I’m completely ruining his life. So for those who successfully manage BPD (or any of the illnesses I mentioned above) how do you function? How do you show up at work and get through your day? Please, I’ll take any advice I can get.",3.3028523985839087,4.87714873553055,4.8573906265224585,82.61831839293257,73.70257234726688,7.8879989606677725,27.03510994186235,8.545644828466564,1.9661867809932119,4873,180,959,89,99,1639,451,1244,0.139,0.762,0.098,-0.9958,15,1,1,0,4,0,124.0,3,4,4,15,64,43,2,7,54,0,93,13,2,27,12,194,182,88,0,21,40,4,11,7,0,5,8,1,2,14,61,61,2,11,21,4,8,17,24,22,2,9,28,14,138,21,158,142,27,151,1,4,2,1,66,72,0,12,64,669,199,31,0.03330827516522058,0.1973242973066249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509692199192701,0.0,0.0,0.033353426207589264,0.0,0.0,0.10654646246271414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060307720709644,0.0,0.07644221799790643,0.03762887011310978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027409872412003638,0.029651426661463632,0.0,0.0,0.06258844191818996,0.025612007604929248,0.027811018475376075,0.08121766153794269,0.0,0.0,0.0375270199913125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390121311829321,0.0,0.0680229460642172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035235738605127354,0.0,0.06984618558855896,0.035994412472066216,0.0,0.02659394740041102,0.0,0.10976272869865804,0.2792540654372828,0.0,0.028688368592710782,0.033807198159014784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037467326389601034,0.0,0.06883270421772471,0.0,0.0219998016088035,0.0,0.2525729256074389,0.06365496863028389,0.05987065997703859,0.0,0.06280015493038775,0.0,0.10104998835134772,0.0951817537333666,0.0,0.036487587347871435,0.030443160070728663,0.028332001839996374,0.0,0.03652080450227431,0.0,0.0,0.17402199025468088,0.0,0.11357916219538355,0.027937400908175557,0.07991901125541115,0.03672249095819674,0.0,0.06596085826626001,0.0,0.0354572782782373,0.059675344272095324,0.03288502589214862,0.0,0.07081027787092664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035192021463261,0.0,0.033082632798062936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4296932061540292,0.08881777616894042,0.0,0.0,0.054916070832467405,0.05430137971184185,0.0,0.0,0.03618953842570997,0.0,0.047053239583836975,0.1139091854583286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027970562235322943,0.03726343998305836,0.0,0.0,0.030062018778498307,0.06303419064346548,0.2445688554735821,0.0,0.0,0.10884742893116592,0.03699798489542711,0.0,0.06713381435323021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026586347457397887,0.03540142521980213,0.024485414745697456,0.07409299196216677,0.02568939519744821,0.03216933971156993,0.0,0.0,0.0652700752909515,0.0,0.03792169204136499,0.034951431730929135,0.0,0.18056439421512133,0.07599733257453918,0.0,0.039080084237587305,0.0,0.0,0.03179651755509723,0.0461835281932018,0.058167002228411674,0.03480005824266606,0.0365624838441046,0.031487086217111195,0.0,0.06380024070122693,0.13554596153641554,0.0,0.0,0.07787118244734997,0.033484016348378484,0.0,0.0,0.03331728885752186,0.0,0.02133813397797064,0.0342464543552418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02648807730765684,0.033347394115969084,0.0,0.0,0.03032260273908935,0.06949559052443201,0.11288661033932935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02564233751727867,0.0,0.037285887058811785,0.02357576859869456,0.035502189519095236,0.0,0.02784720948395759,0.038154516664845525,0.03482104120457288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05008735531651103,0.05354385976553098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021342597796669232,0.032725211234479135,0.02644304991074505,0.058266969320680616,0.0,0.0315723502222397,0.12730993726056775,0.0,0.022614132424580283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04006575388400911,0.02876765535559012,0.0366843593368201,0.30231096869684404,0.1375225857606942,0.0264385584535596,0.10687155685341522,0.0,0.05989627907313935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19399056815938548,0.0,0.0,0.023661243016271483,0.03641737007253441,0.0,0.04289887430340817 bpd,spacialunawareness,2020/01/09,"How do I not feel abandoned? I feel abandoned over the smallest things. My boyfriend and I have plans tomorrow but I told him today that I feel lonely and if I could see him. I realize I would ridiculous and desperate. He said he already has plans with a friend. But why can’t I hang out too?why doesn’t he want to be there for me when I’m lonely and kind of sad? Is this entitlement? I feel like when a friend is in need, especially a SO, I am there. Am I asking too much? I feel so abandoned and messed up over this. Why do I feel so messed up?",0.6453188405797121,2.6883243652173943,2.2048913043478287,96.32356884057974,83.6086956521739,5.5724637681159415,20.88768115942029,6.816661863887847,0.1913333333333336,422,13,100,5,12,137,68,115,0.2,0.642,0.158,-0.8042,0,4,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,9,13,1,0,4,0,13,0,0,1,0,26,26,14,0,5,4,0,6,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,3,7,0,0,1,3,9,0,0,2,8,18,4,10,21,1,11,0,6,1,0,10,6,0,1,5,68,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20415487332599488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17295237602574715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770945273162572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5612569752500917,0.1321658321563675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28586496504262937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19265164819572744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038288294820762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359981336181011,0.13717701913144406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597975488426035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742305039772266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290744904935565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536075042045735,0.17677782915150686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911927533790346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5008079776830061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314204771582516,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Something2727,2020/01/10,Its all my fault I feel like my life is this hell loop where i need everyone so bad and im so scared of them leaving that i get overattached super fast. Only to cause them to leave. And i do this for everyone i meet and i just want to stop caring about and needing people so i can stop getting hurt when they leave.,0.1212313432835792,2.3428520746268693,1.7658022388059709,97.31944962686569,87.955223880597,5.141044776119403,17.330223880597018,6.6274283507984215,-0.2287298507462689,247,6,57,3,8,80,47,67,0.319,0.551,0.13,-0.9406,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,3,1,7,8,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,13,10,8,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,12,3,6,10,1,5,1,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,5,36,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545729417556425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898287440113336,0.19126401545398874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558168570078066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414109123380686,0.13301111125591378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19454870202608265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19931565758054434,0.0,0.20111252070757707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5914313639718385,0.0,0.0,0.13150847593687295,0.09096093523801932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761086955039923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160262531747694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290777310933945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18640438003608867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113191874327873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098171580001307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,earblood56,2020/01/10,"think I may have BPD, how do you cope? hello! I’ve been struggling off and on throughout middle school to college (now) and feel as though I may have BPD due to abandonment issues, feeling unloved in relationships, and mood swings. I do not want to diagnose myself but I cannot really afford profesional diagnosis or treatment. So, does anyone know of any ways I can start to help myself to feel better and cope? I love my partner very much but I feel as though I’m attached and I don’t want to put a strain on our relationship, especially because I feel very afraid of losing them.",5.998750000000001,6.604376375000001,6.453571428571429,77.29142857142857,66.5,9.257142857142858,30.285714285714285,9.23628265651192,2.495110714285715,462,16,87,8,7,150,74,112,0.11699999999999999,0.752,0.131,0.7588,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,1,1,2,5,9,0,3,1,0,10,2,0,1,0,22,22,14,0,2,4,0,5,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,1,7,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,1,5,15,2,14,19,1,10,0,2,0,1,9,5,0,3,3,55,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924144687313496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232398219173152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792531480776796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207398591573658,0.0,0.0,0.4046436477870851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304732048673928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057809661097093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4061247981965175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076743335558292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766755757513335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828413955689099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971628446635968,0.0,0.0,0.14498485166388098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118089681567649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16148866046391072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291079293027544,0.0,0.0,0.3449368155229992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625773549162715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370258725234088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679369416613436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029323212945759,0.3156581021028248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26509143874641417,0.1895005487903336,0.12750941657776668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,amelia124,2020/01/10,"Facebook stalking Before my first appointment with my therapist, I googled them and found them on Facebook and saw that they have children and a partner. I’ve seen them for over a year now and never mentioned this- would it be weird to bring it up and say I know you have kids? To kinda acknowledge that they know what it’s like to be a parent and that I understand that? Only because they often guide/ advise me through things in a way a parent would and I want to acknowledge that I see that dynamic. Advice please :)",5.212257142857143,6.470669540000002,5.085428571428572,84.04700000000003,68.6,8.114285714285714,29.285714285714285,8.418075326091056,2.069471428571428,414,15,78,6,7,128,63,100,0.018000000000000002,0.858,0.125,0.8541,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,6,1,2,3,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,0,1,20,15,7,0,3,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,3,12,8,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,3,4,15,2,11,8,0,10,0,0,3,0,15,4,0,2,5,60,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21696620026828967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534808466634388,0.0,0.1889320944847148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18885952199031886,0.0,0.2434456174312564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24404494831388665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847316975673564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17124405555986233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16886464034114282,0.0,0.0,0.4930784742471243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24372344956678266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656802533820962,0.0,0.0,0.1769300231440016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577951952408681,0.14750758274371334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311421831174855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309596827558941,0.1762379354572641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31544901563866146,0.0,0.0,0.14298073501158354 bpd,Ojishota,2020/01/10,"Vent? I guess. My FP has been gone for a while, a little over a month now. He finally completely blocked me for good on everything as of yesterday. I did so many things wrong and it's my fault he's gone but I still feel angry at him even though I hurt him more than he ever did me. He told me one day he'll come back and find me because he still cared about me, but it's honestly getting too hard to go on when I still love him more than anything. Nothing helps me not think about him anymore and I think about ending my life every single day. I'm not sure how to make it through this, and thinking about how he may be lying to me anyways and I'll probably never see him again. I'm ready not even sure it's worth being alive anymore at this point because I drove everyone close to me away. How do you find meaning when you chase everyone who cares about you away because they don't understand what it's like having this illness?",2.891571675302245,4.230914046632127,3.67359585492228,91.64165457685672,74.33678756476685,7.011951640759933,24.78376511226252,7.554174236665415,0.979519101899828,733,23,162,9,15,233,112,193,0.15,0.7040000000000001,0.146,0.4347,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,3,1,0,23,11,0,0,3,0,10,3,0,4,4,31,32,16,0,0,5,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,11,7,0,1,8,0,1,5,5,3,0,1,7,3,27,8,23,21,3,32,0,1,1,1,20,10,0,2,18,108,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440123982523384,0.0,0.0,0.10123781218808876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23116915076496114,0.09459743470138207,0.0,0.22498184891768785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25086120061245165,0.0,0.0,0.10597380382114396,0.12898774048237233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867988789166293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896225614814167,0.0,0.0,0.16251164908537818,0.11128174838118858,0.10365255758174743,0.2351083457144881,0.11056553892746282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062204349759773826,0.0,0.0,0.1347661696339239,0.22488239823419592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427467191815711,0.0,0.06991705833808233,0.1031862280733057,0.0,0.0,0.13552419342247068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020484161451637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246002133334868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169914130214758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689509677804112,0.060103040615594586,0.12330181037075573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103346142390663,0.0,0.08211910420557189,0.12472646298805525,0.0,0.13400859614440652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819613933994847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488326421708942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804431254026225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336386956967883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162969193319585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326400801947265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803375702019346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947400440366633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318962802157577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173130974816996,0.2364853664622191,0.12086990916896248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755417285724408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807174392564286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450682354044058,0.0,0.0 bpd,okodysseus,2020/01/10,"Any words of reassurance? My boyfriend and I broke up with each other this week, it was a very mutual decision. However, I can’t help but feel it was my mental illnesses and bpd that pushed us apart. I was too codependent and he couldn’t keep up. I feel so terrible that it’s my fault my best friend is no longer a part of my life. I still love him so much and was ready for the long haul, but I couldn’t bear to keep hurting him with my constant splitting and suicidal thoughts getting in the way. Now I’m the one hurting because the one person I love the most doesn’t love me because of things I did. I wish I could take it back and do everything over again but with the help I’m currently getting. It could have been so different and so much better.",3.0478817204301087,4.403739761290325,3.9120161290322595,90.02135752688173,73.96774193548387,8.005376344086022,25.81989247311828,8.59863814320734,1.5466666666666669,593,20,132,11,12,190,91,155,0.162,0.603,0.23600000000000002,0.9462,3,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,2,10,12,0,0,8,0,15,5,0,0,0,27,29,14,1,5,3,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,10,11,0,2,4,0,0,1,5,5,0,2,7,2,20,7,12,18,6,15,0,3,0,3,12,5,0,1,8,93,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852816987922257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140920657598843,0.0,0.17664361520332222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520500317139262,0.128140831345639,0.0,0.0,0.18248018133637012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657144088579694,0.0,0.2313610573060383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513761411216918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021514806865295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651850283653475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119393839322914,0.0,0.15139501877484274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19422948582036412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102091908840501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575645539769137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233801601433758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822048966835276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922986880037138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14601207970267868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130173215298557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963584445007453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568985679382161,0.0,0.0,0.12650979312382954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570699408482232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848292862882365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089370384660544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962565253508606,0.0,0.0,0.11502414240414273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428129492774344,0.0,0.0,0.1195469991379137,0.0,0.11500460509613003,0.11621966089343315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661296977274714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kokedgy,2020/01/10,"Feeling not important And then just being a mean person because you have inner conflicts I don't even fucking know at this point anymore. I was talking abt me being afraid of the scale (I have an ed) and my bf zoned out, talked abt a dead cat he saw and I got frustrated. And then I felt dumb for getting frustrated abt it but I wish I was just being taken more seriously, but at the same time I know that I should've handled it better But I will always keep doing it again I feel so weird in general. I fucking hate everything around me",0.5248012232415888,2.9996329174311964,2.399963302752294,90.79878287461777,91.38532110091741,5.108501529051988,21.028134556574926,6.742157984588678,0.6399866666666671,424,15,85,6,15,140,76,109,0.203,0.721,0.076,-0.9097,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,6,10,6,1,5,0,10,2,0,0,0,23,25,10,1,1,6,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,2,6,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,6,4,16,1,7,15,2,11,0,0,1,2,6,7,3,0,4,60,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18069895826999607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21536966158826648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933231928678839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323819746098785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920650940274468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434356578532321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195174203218207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21961064032863786,0.0,0.20851278090061656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40153171192065945,0.11345992612551765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17368695951955918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21440581175392895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930265308810052,0.0,0.0,0.23869678119938445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365567176770529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896203970003984,0.0,0.0,0.2052914387930434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490985457976518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663085519646278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497294216804213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mixedberrypie90,2020/01/10,"A better schedule at work vs DBT Hi all, I'm interviewing for a job next week that has the options for day 7a-3:30p (0700-1530) and evening shifts 3p-11:30p (1500-2330) or evening and night shifts 11p-7a (2300-0700). I got set up with an intake appointment next week for DBT. I am super excited for this and am ready to start working on my recovery. If I take the night and eves position I would be able to do DBT in the morning. If I work day and eves, I potentially couldn't do DBT due to flip-flopping shifts and I need to stay on a straight day track or straight evening track for DBT. However, I know it's not recommended to work nights with a mental health condition. I am really going to enjoy the work and I have been out of work for a month and need to find something ASAP due to funds. I am a registered nurse and a difficult schedule is almost part of the job description. I have also applied for other jobs as back up, but this has the chance to be most fulfilling to me and give me a sense of purpose. I also haven't heard back from the other jobs. What would you guys do?",4.672250489236788,5.1291112054794565,5.112540769732551,86.2698287671233,69.36529680365297,8.814220482713635,28.884866275277233,8.841846274778883,1.9475633398564896,850,29,184,14,14,271,120,219,0.015,0.907,0.078,0.8568,5,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,0,8,7,5,0,0,16,0,19,1,0,0,1,31,29,18,0,7,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,7,13,0,0,2,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,3,1,17,4,31,21,3,32,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,7,20,116,24,11,0.11137504918203067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152602366328156,0.0,0.0,0.17813317318434593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17128107609895493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985021802041364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21548307868343652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22068650874487705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179477722323492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068410957798486,0.06329700708916364,0.0,0.0890768011352406,0.0,0.0,0.1102788090504988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838646914840158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4420902034446085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06120881432127673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223985388435252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889850167714733,0.0,0.0,0.16516637548070365,0.0,0.0,0.2368972566549487,0.3135538167137745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060832484482766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134970842713408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574195415291866,0.0,0.0,0.07883183305527347,0.11871098350621605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374017618899599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786766928288417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4864941736497124,0.0,0.0,0.15823527886528818,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,torturemebaby,2020/01/10,"How do I trust my instincts? I'm always going back and forth- splitting- between thinking my friend/FP is a narcissist, to thinking he's actually caring just emotionally underdeveloped. I do not trust him at all, and I'm constantly analyzing our interactions, trying to figure out why he wants to talk/hang out with me, and how he benefits. I cant tell if this is honest self protection, or if it's just my insecurities telling me that he couldn't possibly care about me. I'm in the thick of it.. my FP is my roommate and things are tumultuous. Looking for a new place to live because I cant take the constant triggering anymore.",4.910734618916436,6.489769421487607,6.329366391184577,73.6302112029385,69.6611570247934,9.675298438934805,33.2791551882461,9.994966539143718,3.53811772268136,504,24,92,13,9,171,82,121,0.046,0.823,0.132,0.8826,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,4,0,9,0,0,3,1,22,20,9,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,2,14,6,13,19,1,11,0,0,1,0,10,6,0,3,4,59,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.1829618951942212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560055918551233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859383797526519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416721333104404,0.0,0.11429135230046973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823143866357801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052172888303575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108995171278136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448532804378705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655413116353883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655559295120377,0.0,0.15744326157364447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810777246538125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195885753978834,0.0,0.0,0.21136530339461565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19559157132950467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096814569338004,0.15069629004598556,0.32774672087736245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245591405885968,0.2402703370273018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729249904343656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058567452882123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691793616052746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bunnywithbpd,2020/01/10,"Is anyone else great at being distant friends and acquaintances with people but as soon as you become close with them you are a clingy POS Me as a distant friend: polite, kind, understanding, respects personal space, doesnt mind delayed replies or MIAs, forgiving, peaceful, non reactive Me as soon as I consider you a close friend: annoying, insecure if you dont reply, constant splitting and high reactive emotions, undying urge to talk to you all the time, complete stress and emotional destroying mindset Ah yes, the curse of BPD strikes again, the undying need for relationships and our superpower of making everyone run away from us",14.535091743119269,11.002258816513764,12.250344036697244,55.76891055045873,52.57798165137615,16.037614678899082,53.85550458715596,13.816669648895859,7.33725504587156,517,29,76,14,4,159,83,109,0.163,0.588,0.249,0.8885,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,5,1,0,3,11,2,2,6,2,5,0,0,1,1,18,8,12,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,8,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,0,0,11,7,15,7,1,13,0,0,0,0,15,6,0,2,6,48,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068456514716774,0.1768470922992761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216154348545164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906209787497072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21738119375695936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096576483589166,0.1865171684878092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20228362158505464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441835180799775,0.38829913584061343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492482712858306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40004646087180623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19028995232683815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823593092895636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17973430224378406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521053430833993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742748218033859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797926230261605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965775126983798,0.15070595420173907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853057057467216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19771047572649555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387277694993015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064330718453816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17968065032147587,0.20761419494134745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pear0987,2020/01/10,"How do I handle things when my partner is pushing me away? My partner has BPD. Undiagnosed until this year when I said, “Hey maybe you should look into this stuff because it seems like a lot is going on in your mind”. He started seeing a therapist and I’m proud. However, he does the push and pull behavior to extremes and frankly I never learned how to appropriately handle it. We don’t live together anymore because of it. What do I do when he has outbursts and gets verbally aggressive? He says it’s because he can’t shut his mind down. Would not responding while he’s like that be helpful? Nothing I seem to say makes it better. I don’t want to have arguments with him or get verbally aggressive back.",3.5308880778588803,5.642036875912414,4.7106751824817525,81.62372566909977,74.4014598540146,8.070316301703164,30.39476885644769,8.841846274778883,2.684012652068127,560,26,105,12,12,184,93,137,0.044000000000000004,0.841,0.115,0.867,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,2,0,2,8,6,2,0,3,0,14,0,0,3,1,22,26,12,0,3,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,3,0,2,11,7,0,0,3,0,0,4,5,2,0,0,1,5,14,4,12,22,1,19,0,0,2,0,19,6,0,4,11,69,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719522089673826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629017476318667,0.13332304404245168,0.0,0.3170832808172003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334572632001015,0.0,0.0,0.21837345405192868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173115747086366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18117393863817732,0.0,0.09853919482650224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162169047255034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16941517190975386,0.0,0.1531029141219413,0.0,0.1456004760858495,0.0,0.0,0.14740648013878385,0.0,0.0,0.11573642542514084,0.0,0.17418942736983895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3501406366738326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372588436504154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16636843408541585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492968277764228,0.27576683186748197,0.0,0.0,0.13816610298269855,0.31568799781921997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272342268918697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198485357528904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20131437763451296,0.11518987849512287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226748797464244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316835889703495,0.0,0.0,0.11165482605557514 bpd,sad-and-confused-,2020/01/10,"I don’t know how to be a proper human Please help. Give me your advice/thoughts on this situation? My boyfriend picked me up from work today. He does this a lot and it’s possible that it’s a burden on him. Today specifically he had just gotten home and settled in when I called and told him I could leave work early. I could hear the hesitation in his voice. I said no it’s fine I can walk, you just got home, you don’t have to come get me. It was cold and raining and I didn’t wear a jacket. Walking home wasn’t going to be fun but I was going to because it was my fault I didn’t wear a jacket and prepare better. But, while I was at work I entertained myself by reading about creepy true crime cases. Women getting kidnapped and raped and cut up. Right before we hung up I changed my mind. I said if he picks me up I’ll reward him with a treat. The whole time I stood waiting for him to get there I was thinking about the things I read and freaking out, I was trying to not be scared. When I got in his car, feeling guilty that he had to come get me, I was honest and admitted that I had scared myself and that’s really why I wanted a ride. And he just...didn’t respond how I wanted him to I guess?? He didn’t say much so I elaborated to try and illustrate my point better. Told him about a girl getting kidnapped and kept in a wooden box under a bed for 7 years. She was hitchhiking. Couldn’t that have happened to me from walking home? He still didn’t care even after I tried elaborating. He interrupted me and said now what about this treat? (In a playful way, he’s not usually a dismissive selfish asshole). And then it started. The awful feelings I had were staying now and maybe even going to get worse. When we got to my house I tried talking to him a bit more and resolving the issue, but it wasn’t working out right. I thought I’d try something different today and be mature and say maybe we should separate for now and not continue this because it will turn into a fight. I gave him $100 as his reward for giving me a ride. He didn’t understand and even came into my house trying to continue the discussion. I thought I was doing the right thing but I don’t know. I don’t know anything. Everything is so fucked up and there’s no hope. Please tell me how to be normal if you have any advice at all about this. Thank you.",1.4145677731673558,3.5034673360995896,3.0395280082987566,91.15598634163209,81.03319502074689,5.8423928077455045,21.24498616874136,6.996647511020387,0.4875973720608573,1824,54,391,22,48,601,213,482,0.11,0.72,0.17,0.9832,1,0,1,0,1,0,50.0,3,5,0,9,24,26,4,2,22,1,41,4,2,5,2,76,89,40,0,10,11,0,2,0,0,2,0,7,5,3,21,34,0,2,11,4,0,12,17,10,0,0,36,10,70,16,49,43,6,57,0,0,0,2,52,23,1,5,20,263,91,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726988444532881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05059178541256382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06122151370572775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070214016783976,0.0,0.06330545924754181,0.0,0.0,0.13159431358509774,0.08122109018105655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596656529766813,0.08508912775887628,0.07585161166361863,0.0,0.0787010322966898,0.12817101718931864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879819729118192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772791535251683,0.0,0.0,0.06510438209142702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147413435802075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686226727472933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523363788815537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877784102364988,0.2332128256855941,0.14273471544174468,0.12684276910359862,0.0,0.1785036708444754,0.0,0.08195550739141398,0.0,0.06578807763100619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384962313651599,0.0,0.04986602552073103,0.0,0.2985007456715572,0.07389194764661497,0.0,0.17168583559965864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765002511675728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265817704654015,0.0,0.0,0.0787745508534046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324876159697504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948142787285526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511868417706526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05468957067409301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289221833898296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332878695174294,0.07032820333560219,0.08387023597688945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883213068406706,0.0,0.04765993953386269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19060116021801266,0.21230270561605746,0.1183252635075326,0.14896661430842964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362414547397057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057273623684343786,0.0,0.0,0.05265782411143072,0.07929616561348132,0.05941268799215325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05979663267344261,0.06502532435353424,0.06849377946378685,0.0,0.0,0.09885070393734534,0.04766990972757714,0.0,0.17718618148214674,0.04338086666047476,0.0,0.2115559360655474,0.14217700381304782,0.0,0.3030597291437842,0.08092141149784486,0.0,0.07744878970214164,0.0,0.0,0.08193660934158292,0.0,0.08776129733156571,0.05905202856819735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713075775622003,0.08306040207905817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21664450036167787,0.0,0.0758158112905895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04790854152199997 bpd,chipmint,2020/01/10,"And he's gone... My fp/boyfriend has left for the weekend. He gave me notice. We talked about it. I made a plans for today and tomorrow to keep myself busy and distracted. I was confident this would go well. He left not too long ago and I'm falling apart. I keep repeating to myself that I'm not being rejected, he does still like me, and he will be back, but I dont feel very convinced. I want to cry. Please, wish me luck.",0.3648863636363657,2.552363897727276,2.055636363636367,95.99845454545458,86.1590909090909,5.792727272727273,19.027272727272727,7.1686216300943375,0.23533727272727226,325,9,75,5,10,106,64,88,0.109,0.684,0.207,0.8051,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,17,18,6,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,2,1,1,0,3,3,2,1,0,4,1,12,4,6,10,0,14,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,1,9,42,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18305904251757227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879377913598192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22684201836359144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18071867530869912,0.0,0.2420286944769082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441788203064856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736464053832107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.367111930463049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4487483886815124,0.0,0.0,0.10089056840749867,0.0,0.0,0.1827552384839629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19540516896315915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351135015796381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266864462076085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16491950196828362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16598526700537428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19574774790513927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039273827452858,0.121805206405775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856776840167876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23747681126548684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669908956631308,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sarahnkids,2020/01/10,"I need help and advice My 15 yr old daughter has bpd, she’s been in therapy and dbt weekly for almost a year with no progress. I took her to the er last night for her 4th suicide attempt. They admitted her and are putting her into subacute care. But she has no desire to do anything, no desire to work on herself, no desire to exist. What can I do and how can I offer her help?",1.6219710669077756,3.310658430379746,3.5987703435804725,89.36227848101265,78.62025316455697,6.033273056057867,23.943942133815554,6.868970318607317,0.8222245931283907,292,10,62,3,7,99,55,79,0.131,0.644,0.22399999999999998,0.825,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,1,0,14,12,6,1,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,2,0,14,1,10,10,0,10,0,0,0,0,14,3,0,1,5,45,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23990622489707936,0.0,0.0,0.2458394137233825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20203102739911089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092069899401889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503103583478619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291158208432546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20012066031303916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18204004581739916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23039132912564056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576178960459936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468019596234608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685443918312095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28075821283061314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727668850191825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19693059955089792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873174125855495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809821219721118 bpd,sadiegirl1128,2020/01/10,"My parents hid my diagnosis for 6 years... (This happened on Wednesday and haven’t really accepted it till now) Hi Im a 19 year old female who has many mental health issues. I am currently trying to get into residential treatment for bulimia and was doing a phone interview with someone from one of the places. They asked me for a list of diagnoses and I listed them all out as usual, when she says “ what about bpd?” I said I didn’t even know what that was. My mom who was sitting next to me look shocked but I quickly forgot the oddity and moved on. Later that day my mom took me to see my therapist in which we talked about normal issues until my therapist said something that reminded me of that moment. I quickly switched the conversation and asked “what was bpd and why did this stranger insist that I had it?” My therapist and mom got wide eyed and looked at each other. They then went on to explain that I was diagnosed at 14 (which is incredibly uncommon as it is usually diagnosed in early adulthood) but they didn’t want me to know and I just don’t know what to feel right now knowing my entire treatment team kept this from me... I don’t really know what it even is.... if you all could maybe explain it to me or just welcome me it would be incredibly helpful I just feel so lost and scared right now...",4.594922480620159,5.6771612829457405,5.504651162790698,81.12620155038762,69.89147286821705,8.989147286821705,28.67441860465117,9.2995712137729,2.3836651162790696,1033,37,203,21,18,339,144,258,0.044000000000000004,0.91,0.046,0.14400000000000002,2,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,1,1,4,2,14,5,0,1,6,0,21,5,1,0,2,40,46,21,0,5,7,4,2,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,25,15,0,2,10,1,0,3,5,3,0,1,17,9,34,2,31,26,3,38,0,1,4,0,28,13,0,2,21,148,59,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859826854650628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505588285201177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941897451444344,0.0,0.0,0.06415014193931128,0.0,0.0,0.3028809114235561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139844619421734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059038783935798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051969148471639165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955551968960325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796129537091775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573232263941502,0.0,0.0,0.06667287383596497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074450391013809,0.2076423887368665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733314943315317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706007091579295,0.0,0.10858362912592764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084731481200376,0.09993132876855623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024270957033936,0.0,0.0,0.3494953888163638,0.0,0.10572123216514248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578783772001504,0.0,0.09745981610100812,0.0,0.0,0.10437739174587786,0.0,0.06740367839377713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045004382990484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039253367340543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274464969842001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16989425800432634,0.1892381484021121,0.07910280880682244,0.09958716558859994,0.0,0.07926498450746362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842808984106384,0.07657712934124389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995049343554607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464782029712644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051521051110147,0.06753383315581922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21910505840923575,0.0,0.058670185196888235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221000405243014,0.08975651248829605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066087737167873,0.0,0.0,0.12811127861928573 bpd,AtheistPopeV2,2020/01/10,"My favorite person and I I adore my FP and they happen to be one of the nicest people I've ever met. This is an online relationship, so you already know it's a lot harder to communicate problems and it's a lot more stressing for me. Recently, I got some info from another friend about her and it appears she started ""dating"" someone. I don't like my FP like that, and I think of her like a sister to me. This sudden info I got seemed to break me. I don't know why, but I've never felt so mad in my life. I can't seem to think any good of her right now, and I so want to explain to her why I feel this way. I've made a decision to take a break from her specifically and it fucking hurts. During times like these, I'd cut myself, but I've signed a contract or a promise to not harm myself in anyway until my next therapy session. I just needed to vent before I do something harmful.",3.6148752228164014,3.8390386470588247,5.442580213903747,83.79759581105172,71.62032085561499,7.73065953654189,26.813279857397504,7.492282038375204,1.3408541889483072,685,21,147,7,12,237,108,187,0.129,0.757,0.114,-0.4221,0,0,1,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,1,0,8,16,3,1,9,0,6,2,0,1,2,35,26,14,0,3,5,1,2,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,9,7,0,0,12,0,0,1,5,8,0,1,5,2,30,8,20,20,4,17,0,1,0,1,14,3,1,7,14,98,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668693926184644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028313113849643,0.15856199807609667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867273489493258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678252629219642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645879248194437,0.0,0.1451900091986063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168282498243167,0.1397957302556898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683187638356158,0.24188072444674005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337188288795237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618786685136757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16620749916780694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680754959916287,0.295503830694063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571149859786028,0.0,0.14308318626179534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121239257763086,0.11662624618375747,0.0,0.1608187522701545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246712373869728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483336581683876,0.13203501035197127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446922288463463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493064623442019,0.16234820253880447,0.0,0.12913669084735496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275320715400306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812388658967847,0.11641261092492372,0.0,0.0,0.10703067827909668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17321614694995088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369477924527005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292740657781103,0.0,0.0,0.19378479296254625,0.0,0.0,0.08817461908757004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919046066329897,0.12002734214835813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728958386443568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Imma-moldysloth-gtg,2020/01/10,"I have BPD (22M) and am dating a girl with BPD (19F) PLS HELP! Okay hi please please please please help me. I have borderline personality disorder, or did. I’m on meds and went through a lot of therapy so I’m not as bad as I use to be. The girl I’m dating is adorable, beautiful, caring. But, if I don’t answer in 3 minutes when I’m constantly telling her that she’s my amazing gf and I’ll text her soon she’ll be sweet, then after the minutes she says ok bye, u don’t care about me, guess I’ll fucking block u because u don’t like me. EVERY SINGLE TIME! I was bad but I didn’t do this to every single text Ofcourse I reassure her CONSTANTLY that she’s perfect and I use to lash out and cut and fight people; she says she feels like that then has another crisis, that was me so I get but fuck, can we not be Borderline 24/7?! and then I get angry and say shit because she’s pissing me off. What pisses me off is she clearly has this disorder yet she won’t fucking accept it, I was delusional as fuck back then but I still knew I had something wrong with me. I sent her pictures of the BPD diagnosis and she says “quit diagnosing me you don’t know how I feel” then ofcourse she spans me with 20 messages saying u don’t like me I’m gonna cut myself, I’m so sorry! Don’t leave!, goodbye thanks for nothing. So she has it obviously, I’m fucking borderline I know another BPD when I see one I’ve done the above many times but not all day everyday with a girl. She always hangs up on me but I’m walking on eggshells with her. I honestly just wanna fucking punch something. But I care about her and don’t wanna lose her. How do I help her??",-0.01999862769314831,2.188776873198848,2.288627006998766,93.36962776176756,88.62536023054756,5.494963633868535,20.94202003567998,6.971451493551832,0.5059293810896119,1273,44,287,19,42,431,162,347,0.152,0.655,0.193,0.6685,0,0,2,0,1,1,39.0,1,1,0,3,15,32,12,0,7,2,30,10,3,4,4,50,62,35,0,3,13,0,2,3,1,3,1,5,0,4,9,17,0,1,7,0,0,4,12,16,0,1,10,9,56,16,28,46,4,33,0,1,1,6,43,9,9,4,24,174,65,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549057472437493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506241920565962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060520866881680166,0.13143420640467454,0.09595818020593554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965151212407449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24074126390379005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701087301947352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05075953910487466,0.0,0.0,0.07988600390039467,0.0,0.0,0.18041020743088096,0.0,0.0,0.08054464361544149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262817663403234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959330362724397,0.05622833570993953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4365804236312388,0.08224237528854722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670469442707401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826703937363287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651067795448229,0.0,0.0,0.08333940668263135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535687405572335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805306189016271,0.0,0.06691392344099012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979660005529317,0.0,0.0,0.08742579470090481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552154186781856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05333393731970374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05456556168929831,0.06872396442078561,0.0,0.3455868437532035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371464107389956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129550454256123,0.0,0.0,0.06271933247724129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079166075086756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118507220181048,0.0,0.08810610406102692,0.0,0.0,0.06285555567178902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879343509116294,0.07246288147787375,0.09000837660671855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178943325466278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595524936035422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296222837648532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605380883599915,0.0,0.0 bpd,discobooks,2020/01/10,"Trying to rediscover the joys in life I’ve been feeling extremely empty and numb for months now, and I’m desperate to find something that brings joy or makes me see the beauty of the world again. I used to love to travel and make/view art, but those things don’t spark any interest for me anymore. Does anyone have tips on how to feel connected with the world again?",9.737083333333334,6.894119652777783,8.683888888888893,75.55000000000003,60.80555555555557,12.377777777777775,35.111111111111114,10.504223727775694,3.2430777777777777,293,8,59,5,3,91,57,72,0.064,0.72,0.21600000000000005,0.9016,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,3,3,0,3,0,12,11,6,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,3,3,4,11,10,0,10,0,0,1,1,1,4,0,1,4,33,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20349460580488365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967673407955316,0.2092367423976543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618684132577659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026111721590989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735014769481883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21136325025847336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700773019903733,0.0,0.3994922939677337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23885185635664505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384568783180613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303708671204249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988028774555751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20316545994748905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584487356046686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SkyR923,2020/01/10,"This is exhausting It’s really tiring going through these constant shifts in mood. Last night I was having a breakdown and crying at 4 am. 30 minutes laters I was laughing at stupid YouTube videos. And after that it went back to crying and feeling hopeless. It’s getting harder to interpret which emotions are valid and logical and which ones are toxic and irrational. It goes like this: Hey, maybe this isn’t all so bad and things will work out. No, this is hopeless and I’m filled with despair and sadness. Fuck it, I don’t care anymore and I feel nothing. I feel no pain I feel no sadness I feel no happiness. These 3 perspectives come and go constantly throughout the day. I just feel so lost and alone.",2.4311944444444435,5.213711800000002,2.9969212962962963,88.60427083333335,82.85185185185185,5.74537037037037,26.215277777777786,7.1686216300943375,1.4933055555555559,563,24,103,8,16,175,88,135,0.273,0.589,0.139,-0.9708,0,1,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,2,4,16,2,0,2,0,11,4,0,0,1,25,26,14,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,15,15,0,0,8,1,0,5,6,11,0,1,4,6,8,4,9,21,1,17,0,6,0,1,1,4,1,0,9,67,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558876797604155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855924881314426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293882026757115,0.13349417408201664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16300960037424098,0.0,0.0,0.1377235488696409,0.0,0.3455496869904506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512441139253096,0.10311018622847748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984489837614628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4850446145258676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14780764882871555,0.08353135963620345,0.0,0.1817284093547879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17019657453898807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303245661888382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810990785426825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452928211959826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062221544471406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003773211122365,0.0,0.15341038125195872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833967971952048,0.0,0.17012493339589346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242402932358224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062180050767978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18375998919860384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821153005350327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639546165428652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,catescarlet,2020/01/10,"Law & Order SVU S18 E10 I just saw this episode of L&O SVU, in which a mother makes her 15yo son kill his best friend by crying rape, when he walked in on them having sex. And her psychiatrist ex-husband said she was borderline, and I am offended. This is why only 3 people, other that my psychiatrist, know that I suffer from BPD. Why do the media have to makes us such monsters?! I would never do such thing.",4.013577235772356,5.266855073170731,4.849756097560974,84.63406504065041,71.4390243902439,7.417886178861789,23.422764227642283,7.793537801064563,1.027261788617886,324,8,65,4,6,105,68,82,0.195,0.726,0.079,-0.8977,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,1,1,4,6,3,0,2,0,8,2,0,2,1,9,13,3,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,2,11,2,7,9,1,7,0,1,1,2,11,3,0,0,2,43,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4762483014125973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23063839541609696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767966290059254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24141052050061665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16979621512072007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24314646360307465,0.0,0.1207815931755054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934006108934533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950262642398672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671474081502337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523630522654644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20905462348464796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600753649969825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643600777986078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3966222261626484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15612056278041986,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,borderlinebarbiegirl,2020/01/10,"Everything with this guy was going great and then everything went bad.... :(( **\*\*\* TW: Self-harming at the end of my post... \*\*\*** I am dating this amazing guy. For the first time ever I met someone who is just as much into me, as I am with him. He tells me that he is in love and that he has never felt like this before. We have the most amazing sex and we can lie for hours just looking into each others eyes.. It's seriously crazy. I've been in love a thousand times, but this is just different. I feel so safe and sure in this relationship. I never doubted us for a second and I wasn't scared that it was going really fast, since he made me feel like we were on the same page... The last few days we haven't talked that much, because he's been very ill. I texted him and basically told him that I needed confirmation that it was just about him being sick, and not that he wasn't interested anymore..... well, what happened next was exactly what I feared the most. He told me that he is afraid of hurting me, that he maybe got carried away because he has never felt like this before (he's 30). He said that he can't promise me anything and that he doesn't ""depend"" on people the way that I do, and he is afraid that I will end up being way more attached than him. I told him that one can never promise a future and that I can't promise him anything either, but that I am confused, since he have been telling me that he just want to be with me and that I am the most beautiful, wonderful, amazing girl that he has ever met. He says that he can't believe that he finally met someone like me, that I am everything he dreamed of and that he is so much in love. He feels like it can't be true, that I am so amazing (And yes, he know about all of my five diagnosis. I have no idea why he thinks that I'm perfect.....) so OF COURSE I thought that everything was totally fine and that I didn't have to worry AT ALL. He ended up saying that he miss me, that he wished that he could snap his fingers and be with me and that I am the person that he needs right now, but I still feel like my heart is breaking and I am suddenly very anxious about everything. I am so fucking afraid of losing him. I can't imagine ever finding everyone like him. I regret telling him to cancel the tinderdates he had planned before meeting me. I told him that I couldn't be with him knowing that he was on tinderdates - after a few days he agreed and said that he ofc should cancel them, because he just wanted me so it was stupid, but now I'm afraid that I pushed him and that it will end up being the thing that makes him leave me, because he wasn't ready..... Everything is just a huge mess now. I miss him SO much and the only thing I need right now is him... I cry when I think about losing him. I don't believe in soulmates, but if I did, I think he would be mine. I can't wait to see him and talk about this IRL and not via texts. I take 25mg quetiapine for sleeping - sometimes 50 (Went down from 50-25 1,5 months ago)... Right now i just want to take 75 and sleep for a long long time.... I am afraid of self harming (cutting) if I stay up much later. Right now the only think keeping me from it, is that I am afraid that he will end it, if he sees that I self harmed after this... I wanted to go for a walk with music or a podcast, but I just know that I will end up hitting brick walls instead of cutting.... I hate my stupid brain..... I HATE IT. I hope that someone read all this and can tell me that everything will be fine no matter how it goes... :(",2.8515321788575854,3.766254158904111,3.957862496769192,91.21892090979584,73.84931506849315,6.879296975962781,24.18454380976997,7.052630249996997,0.6860529852675112,2696,76,615,25,53,877,263,730,0.159,0.738,0.10300000000000001,-0.9908,1,0,0,0,0,0,138.0,5,0,1,5,36,55,7,10,21,1,76,13,6,4,15,120,136,46,0,17,22,0,7,7,0,7,2,4,0,6,69,37,0,3,18,2,0,7,22,28,1,5,33,15,95,27,57,84,19,80,0,6,4,5,94,25,1,12,50,414,164,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048869405950928486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062281191690077974,0.054674131923934936,0.0,0.0,0.0907345616682667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05179643631303218,0.0,0.04603123526044271,0.13442691028615752,0.0,0.1407346718910831,0.12422523018154827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061543296598056414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04401680759645768,0.0,0.06055770056305298,0.0711085599453211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057599101214634976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29297282318642176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960468489213574,0.0,0.05267906385936619,0.34683093428038103,0.0,0.0,0.062036560936587826,0.11150150891895096,0.11815461835247135,0.1058668635750686,0.060392204578301086,0.05038780814617675,0.046893537654900036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05096678340694763,0.0,0.0,0.09399492399619827,0.0,0.044092485767070935,0.06078100383640754,0.0,0.10917470669127928,0.04875126426585544,0.0,0.0,0.108858894522508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532929846946264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054756515109678335,0.05429193080330738,0.0,0.059017789894235936,0.062235043386018984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049002064340814035,0.0,0.0,0.09089399506553886,0.04493829642908506,0.0,0.05837469469192118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18853608395536547,0.0,0.0,0.0975766049718545,0.046295303128181975,0.1233527045399118,0.0,0.0,0.1492708934793719,0.05216532543621129,0.0367996935317017,0.0,0.05538548058768927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044004228597773636,0.0,0.20263441405546573,0.12263455749311496,0.1700785744440429,0.0,0.05863136520505375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03735750507094282,0.08385767672147824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0382201905568619,0.04813737703172172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052799286944332884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055144904635499016,0.0,0.03531768050956036,0.0,0.0,0.059188972797441626,0.0,0.18832282617699528,0.10488248203973988,0.0876831547341639,0.05519473316786246,0.0,0.0878629217647907,0.0,0.17253779539713154,0.0,0.0,0.09120818770148756,0.0,0.11033959978951367,0.0,0.1401343738852858,0.0,0.05452496550604364,0.0,0.0,0.05876122945519699,0.04402687777709397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05195935906533231,0.0,0.08290177643760413,0.08862278840314858,0.19274414974168805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325182562021085,0.14130027508590948,0.0,0.04376705054950974,0.09644021397806714,0.0,0.0,0.21071625543746475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631458479504247,0.0,0.0,0.0909760237277426,0.13006837568723886,0.08751923308384421,0.0,0.0,0.04956847797001663,0.10221209809517884,0.04974623715404272,0.0,0.06339676278242895,0.0,0.059786117780508775,0.0,0.05598717652962583,0.0,0.039162760069389055,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SnehalSingh0208,2020/01/10,I want only people to like and love me.... Can't take their rejection..... Their no reaction.... Their utter uninterested-nesss... Ain't I worth it? And who's to decide my worth... You who call yourself normal.... What's normal for you isn't for me.... So fuck off.... You won't ever understand my normal.... I am the way I am... I was born or made like this... I am! That's enough!!!,-1.7326285714285703,-0.07790131999999694,1.288619047619047,95.3655,108.86666666666667,4.276190476190476,12.023809523809526,6.1826913282559595,-0.7858190476190479,271,5,62,4,14,94,49,75,0.10400000000000001,0.736,0.159,0.6135,0,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,3,3,0,2,5,1,0,1,0,8,2,0,1,1,11,14,4,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,16,3,5,11,1,4,0,1,0,2,10,1,1,1,4,43,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356663524148851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23847176972502585,0.0,0.0,0.20876627467557465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21336522004782485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255084606149755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20830048451792246,0.2183827464977194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6783869909637001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552914320210505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600034144458681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17352827262740073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24026456502978816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612820814187282,0.18319343675518052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yknupsx,2020/01/10,"what do you do for people who self harm and are active in trying to recover, what do you do after the fact. I still live with my family and I don't know what to do. I have a plethora of other shit wrong with me so I'm trying to be honest with them, my family and I have a very strained history and our current relationships are not the best but we're working to change. anyway because of that and my other problems I have lots of trouble communicating and expressing myself. I was in treatment centers for so so long that I literally do not know how to tell people that aren't nurses how I'm feeling and that I've self harmed. in clinics it was all super structured and you'd tell them, give them whatever you self harmed with, have your wounds treated and then if you wanted you could talk about it. now that I live at home I just don't know what to do and how the logistics of telling my parents I self harmed work. I feel so much shame around it and haven't worn anything short, even in my own home, in years. I just really would like someone to maybe explain how they do it or give advice. I always hear about people who got stitches and I just can't wrap my head around that in a non clinic setting. I've had wound requiring stitches but I just left them, what do other people do who get them treated? this was awful and long and badly explained but I feel like shit and need advice. TL;DR: how do I tell my family that I have self harmed so I can potentially have my wounds treated?",3.162896039603962,4.6764569108910905,4.210317656765678,87.36319925742575,73.95049504950495,6.898184818481848,23.84612211221122,7.492282038375204,0.9628636963696372,1176,34,243,14,24,382,139,303,0.163,0.772,0.065,-0.9869,2,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,7,6,5,22,21,2,2,6,1,33,8,3,5,2,54,51,31,0,6,11,1,3,2,0,1,5,1,2,5,23,21,0,1,8,0,0,0,7,13,0,0,6,4,43,8,29,41,5,21,0,0,0,0,35,12,2,3,10,179,66,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842138407252264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842943510173472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756553944946584,0.16781755638056092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078700718422057,0.05745823653721047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891698239591752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997114846696686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525660262833796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062255907430666224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665715378824058,0.0,0.1429776239017082,0.06733727143182199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049245430067243835,0.18083994549074867,0.0,0.0,0.0753859914305813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967349495573501,0.0,0.10623457110975992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18909505795113954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540366604187486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241058507036567,0.0,0.0,0.09209848903570547,0.0,0.16646144378503974,0.1668290861416338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013399237988852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469389834402014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928979364975807,0.06989042493625502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046613244455579,0.0,0.0,0.2613839440140213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019128869265616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06038349423769838,0.0,0.0,0.10119682114690756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4916534166377681,0.0,0.19350706083399735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986371165866954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752738198602074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576026448596608,0.3295393436759466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798873006983144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777195621674249,0.05559526348064627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724054276153405,0.0,0.0,0.06695751994081775,0.10305531206230377,0.0,0.06069846435442506 bpd,sadbean303,2020/01/10,"Anyone else constantly push people away? I’m constantly pushing people away. I don’t know if it’s conscious, subconscious, whatever. I just know that the people I like the most are the people that leave me. I also know that I’m the sole reason for that. I don’t know if it’s because I’m so mind numbingly negative that it makes them want to jump off a cliff to speak to me or because I’m doing so many dangerous things that they don’t want to see me kill myself. There is SO MUCH SHIT going on in my life that I can’t help but attach to people who are either going through similar or understand from their past and yet I can never maintain a friendship with them. Why? Is it that I constantly cling and subconsciously ask for validation? Is it that they don’t want to see me ruin my life? Is it that they genuinely don’t give a shit? When they first meet me usually they actually want to speak and talk for hours but it gets less and less. Usually rapidly. And I’m left feeling... well... left. Alone. Needing drugs, alcohol, self harm etc to cope. This can’t be my life. If this cycle is never ending and there is nothing for me but pain on this planet then I’ll have no option but to commit suicide. And that’s real talk. Because there’s too much fuckin pain for me to continue. But then there’s the reasons that I tell to others to keep them going. The little things. The happy moments. The minuscule moments of joy you get from living a life of unbearable pain. Is that what I hold on to? Because that’s not good enough. I want it over. And I can’t turn to my fp and say any of this shit because they will undoubtedly leave- which will result in me either finding a new fp or me dead. The first only continues the cycle and the second I don’t actually want. I JUST WANT THE PAIN TO STOP. And there is too much of it now. I don’t enjoy life. I’m miserable, cold, lonely, a drug addict, and only 18 years old. I’ve failed at life. The only thing that can sustain me is music and my love for it is diminishing. Like the drugs can only work as long as my body is conscious, the music only drowns it out for as long as my ears can hold headphones. Then I’m left in the silence. Life is too painful. I won’t do it. I won’t kill myself. And I’m determined at that. I don’t know why. Perhaps because I’m scared that what lies beyond is worse. But I need an end to the pain. One mind only takes so much.",1.218692678684377,3.3605057641129084,3.0243121442125265,90.70193390259331,82.08467741935483,5.98697027197976,20.209361163820372,7.208032530483347,0.4814850253004428,1873,52,401,26,51,623,204,496,0.223,0.7,0.077,-0.9983,0,3,4,0,0,4,61.0,0,1,10,4,22,28,7,2,24,0,38,26,5,4,4,69,77,39,5,12,17,0,1,2,0,4,19,4,0,1,41,16,1,4,12,0,0,6,18,20,1,4,0,8,49,8,49,72,11,53,0,4,2,2,24,18,4,8,31,269,90,2,0.0,0.0,0.11535955891388618,0.06443521347804508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316726914604175,0.0,0.06121689226325683,0.0,0.04726774308042938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04019469888284686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04132889824099542,0.060561973877437725,0.0,0.0,0.05525694518906663,0.0,0.11106570125418007,0.0,0.0,0.21618599832043373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565440856913107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916205871205934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20563561419067672,0.0,0.04937620597538324,0.0,0.10470228704205868,0.0610731976133545,0.06591978493740326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029886209748436494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05402260893582116,0.10055254790994864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06176180070610447,0.05670069617551988,0.10077539007586583,0.0495760387699298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292036286323519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03961808945751075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582083613887119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05253690240409088,0.13078598986010134,0.0,0.16241795157388825,0.0,0.0,0.125171283257293,0.19265936362038205,0.0,0.29224251501926923,0.05775326276356494,0.05924061229373016,0.05219244964590398,0.10461544102865623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053346258421235394,0.0,0.039454295111505694,0.0599250896189285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119362179703703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380140331884306,0.08765399124921333,0.0911737248909252,0.057085783963429663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05671463648141345,0.0,0.06202271787029508,0.0,0.04005234523023463,0.2697206313865829,0.3773632661062008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564241960890125,0.2048863091956681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727655890682542,0.0,0.12154341446639412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0470041558934356,0.05917628876799391,0.0,0.09420104658428352,0.0,0.061661356786596684,0.0,0.182017059909935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04941599046914329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646533230254448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04444101076574988,0.09501572735246257,0.05166201016303105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780393536375362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429130226985569,0.0,0.061532336831612064,0.0,0.0,0.13019573486522992,0.0,0.2440393458869688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05314417513755772,0.0,0.10666951449863288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04303050577110064,0.0,0.06023495080344021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03806288678467828 bpd,nine_terasu,2020/01/10,"Feelings of loneliness I’m heading back to my university this weekend, just after I cut off ties with my two closest friends on the Internet after an argument that involved our perception of the WW3 memes (I can’t stand them and it makes me anxious just thinking about things like that). These two guys were literally my only friends that I really extensively talked to on a regular basis, and now I’ve blown it. On top of this, over the entirety of my winter break, I stayed secluded in my room and barely did anything with my family. I’m an asshole to them because of my mood swings, and now I’m regretting not spending more time with them. Overall, I’m just feeling super lonely and I cried today for the first time since August, I’m terrified of being alone for the next four months because of who I am. It’s extremely difficult for me to trust people and make friends with them because I’m extremely introverted and I’m afraid of not being accepted by these new people. Sorry for the rant, I just don’t really have anywhere else to go.",6.4879850746268675,6.829784925373132,7.145485074626865,73.66658582089553,65.41791044776119,10.680099502487565,34.660447761194035,10.504223727775694,3.733659701492536,834,36,150,20,12,276,117,201,0.146,0.7509999999999999,0.10300000000000001,-0.7357,0,3,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,4,3,8,13,1,1,9,0,8,1,1,2,0,25,21,7,0,1,6,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,12,11,0,0,5,1,1,1,4,5,0,4,2,2,21,7,31,17,1,28,0,2,0,0,12,9,0,0,16,102,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639722457097286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18150216106760866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322110141072992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353904636522997,0.0,0.29381391950548663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647949923909834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342123608434113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514576945970384,0.0,0.16247091844192274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665888839801327,0.0,0.0,0.3723808426624351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130783238483156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908049172368602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648854100850808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078491265061681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144860662225776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823875667557866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516821685628462,0.17086570122191133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221905773961126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22276539655844074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20584819148223785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290114339219825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984778863023468,0.0,0.17124415644100402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291339100819695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067365948806498,0.10294562688829324,0.0,0.0,0.18736643466880828,0.0,0.1522886490637259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138865667205363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,eaxred,2020/01/10,"In search of answers... So, after a few posts on here got me to reinvestigate my bpd....I found Dr. Daniel Fox on youtube. I've watched several of his videos & I adore them. If everyone understood it how he does, we might not be so screwed by society. Just wanted to post that if you're researching our illness, check out Dr. Daniel Fox on youtube. Hope it helps someone.",2.0408333333333357,4.59445363888889,2.6700000000000017,91.95000000000003,82.05555555555556,6.933333333333335,27.055555555555557,8.07648339933343,1.8136888888888896,290,13,61,6,8,90,59,72,0.087,0.7959999999999999,0.11699999999999999,0.3146,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,0,1,0,5,3,1,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,0,13,7,5,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,7,2,11,2,1,8,0,0,1,1,6,5,1,4,1,33,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811382253645938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267963910204482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270660364013033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479369873897694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844980820880262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20752377295083896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17391887308257906,0.0,0.0,0.25771462895581104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27525920093083395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4970056482497024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931299439926772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198501134063709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304353788758998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,skydiver89,2020/01/10,"Really struggling to keep my shit together. I really need someone to give me some words of wisdom. I moved out of a trailer I bought into another trailer. It's just such a nuance. I wont even go into what is going wrong with this other one. I cant find a job right now. I need to watch what sort of jobs I apply to. I'm not a very social person but can pretend somewhat to be really good at communicating but after awhile I burn out. I dont want to eat because I'm fat. But when I do eat I tend to binge eat. If I eat one small snack or meal i need to eat more and cant stop. I'm tired. Even though I slept 8 hours. But there is loud construction going on next to the rv park. They start at 8 am and go go 7 pm. I'm so emotionally drained. I kinda want to move back across the US. But I was extra miserable there. But there I could just rot in bed, be with my cat and maybe get the mental health services I need. But I feel like such a failure living there and I made a big deal moving here because it's so beautiful. I have no idea wtf to do. I might take advil pm so I can just sleep this day away. I feel horrible.",-0.37912622826908304,1.5540345673469425,2.2052154195011333,95.41420256991684,87.0,5.425547996976569,16.8291761148904,6.775458762138228,-0.2593658352229777,859,19,208,11,27,296,141,245,0.149,0.758,0.09300000000000001,-0.8925,2,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,1,0,19,7,1,2,9,0,17,14,4,1,0,43,43,18,0,8,13,0,2,1,0,2,4,1,1,1,7,10,8,2,4,1,1,8,6,4,0,2,4,4,29,3,27,34,4,30,0,1,1,0,6,13,1,7,10,129,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330481730391644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256099752181196,0.0757543373758119,0.0,0.12011143811771505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865868598046191,0.0,0.0,0.06353602399497953,0.10156783469564616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546247891946824,0.0,0.0,0.5040430544259218,0.0,0.1108196017926076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014055118064874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996274225156354,0.07038134998592603,0.0,0.0,0.09004375816052687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0514716408175132,0.09450753813144064,0.2799505315544264,0.0826323077224891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472013288167192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702048307278878,0.0,0.0,0.11121494270009827,0.0,0.0,0.19552802437401626,0.08756741349158348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04813096708677828,0.0,0.08699328681634727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322020783910197,0.0,0.0,0.0989746727060374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928307261748866,0.1045121349104759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141274457340075,0.0,0.29219968991966394,0.0,0.0,0.10477511650893218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351682781398644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602220448549787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18933965176861367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413391870110032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011274134198828,0.0,0.0,0.09858924811884437,0.10042679578951272,0.08347406602471259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973161791408554,0.0,0.0,0.08236554255187055,0.0,0.10299250819684223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407335011447698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679353258017626,0.0,0.0,0.11323206280675993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850514351562705,0.0,0.0,0.08128774975865642,0.11621705523226795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077140762008683,0.0,0.0 bpd,sknnysoul,2020/01/10,"DAE Freeze from Fear? I've been aware that I freeze-up when something comes along that I'm unsure of, but I had a kind of epiphany the other night... When I was a kid I struggled with night terrors. I knew of other people having them, so I just took it in stride as best as I could. But I would struggle to sleep and so I'd just lay awake as long as I could with my eyes open in the dark. Occasionally my eyes would close and I would be hit by this heavy, intense feeling that if I opened my eyes, some *thing* would be right in my face ready to attack. Weirdly though, this sensation started to manifest randomly, even in broad daylight. I'd be yawning or something, and suddenly I was afraid to open my eyes because of that same feeling- like something was *RIGHT THERE* waiting for me. I think in comics and art a lot to explain things, so when this happened again recently I finally figured it out. I'm a full grown woman now but I was afraid to open my eyes because of that same feeling, like something is in my face. So my epiphany was this: what if that weird darkness I've dealt with isn't my fear of certain things, but just fear itself? I imagine it like a demon, just waiting for a chance to attack. Somehow keeping my eyes shut keeps me safe though. It's like reverse weeping angels. Anyway, I'm going to try and draw this idea out at some point, but I was wondering if others struggle with it as well?",3.12945306498694,4.77378174558304,3.5938546627746213,91.2118113381472,74.30035335689045,6.052481179904747,26.438623444461516,6.498293943080001,0.8933470271931174,1106,40,231,8,23,345,140,283,0.121,0.72,0.159,0.8727,0,0,4,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,1,1,20,23,2,9,8,0,20,10,9,0,1,60,40,28,0,9,13,0,4,4,0,4,1,0,0,2,24,18,0,5,10,2,0,4,1,14,1,0,10,10,30,9,37,20,7,36,2,1,6,0,4,20,0,10,16,160,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23985190393553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852126635761427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062761936284056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080657528605647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833224363407034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962629331697273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558670219408852,0.15990453581663605,0.15061846515041544,0.0,0.11547810767961415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05991035890786753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321904679122334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900186608121227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873972212799485,0.0,0.10977457292293184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060037890795033,0.0,0.0,0.09328986890469937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962093861238685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19785160531410476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308220177553304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965222139876502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408561169823012,0.0,0.0,0.18004942650835168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054921597480242,0.0,0.0,0.32461763884205497,0.0,0.0,0.07461400829037103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306111670854985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21010117777034276,0.06754633522433327,0.2071414276172336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712108759124082,0.07157056437602685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478167052362953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431918730259916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995380914409418,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,prf38,2020/01/10,Olanzapine (Zyprexa) weight gain is anyone in here on Zyprexa and noticed they gained a fuck ton of weight and have any advice for keeping it off? i went from being rail thin my whole life (5’4 and 90 lbs) to being like 140 virtually overnight and it’s seriously fucking with my self image,5.227,6.7427680181818195,5.219772727272726,82.12965909090909,68.81818181818181,7.6818181818181825,30.113636363636363,8.07648339933343,1.9858181818181813,231,9,44,3,4,72,47,55,0.086,0.774,0.14,0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,2,1,4,2,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,0,6,8,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,5,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,3,4,1,8,5,2,5,0,0,0,2,2,4,2,0,1,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351132320686717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636174312525069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823432827291732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4448648563641434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21385787818376564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16994412177014193,0.11754585508113005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739266714473489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510000842243583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5859761925970974,0.0,0.22304022001313445,0.0,0.2686232461683582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LivingFaithlessness,2020/01/10,"Does anyone else feel extremely upset when they miss an opportunity? I know I'm much younger than most of the people here, but recently I got really depressed after my dad sent me a link to a regional ""specialty school"" near me. I wanted to apply to it in middle school, but my ADHD made me forget to. Now, it's too late, and I'm stuck in a shitty school with horrible funding and no friends. Feel like I threw away my life just because of that one moment.",6.199450549450552,5.7052427912087955,7.198109890109893,75.87189010989016,66.14285714285714,10.356923076923078,30.28791208791209,9.888512548439397,2.708919120879121,358,11,70,7,5,121,68,91,0.243,0.6679999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.9445,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,5,6,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,14,12,5,0,1,3,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,1,2,1,3,0,1,5,2,11,3,13,7,2,13,0,2,0,0,4,5,0,1,7,45,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24107764915841884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402615262658506,0.20553451099008527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18846673195664515,0.0,0.0,0.1222815808965551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727732120541729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554308532745785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757238412067238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20285493066732588,0.14330596447406013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498012556040114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043510495863844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024242479384268,0.0,0.22628124955495585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168702751748044,0.09800117020800636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898089734784316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746128698191768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359291757491613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906814680220828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285070614839001,0.0,0.1980645461682457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6090421873904969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183168352960383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Caterpillar88,2020/01/10,BPD/PTSD I recently was diagnosed. I’m hopeful now that I know what’s wrong with me. I have zero friends. My psychiatrist told me to join this group. I’m married with 2 kids. I’m a cat lover. Does anyone have some tips on what helps them? Tia,-1.1419607843137278,0.7679473529411744,0.9650980392156858,98.23627450980392,104.88235294117644,4.6196078431372545,17.43137254901961,6.42735559955562,-0.0845921568627448,189,6,44,3,9,62,40,51,0.055999999999999994,0.614,0.33,0.9349,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,7,3,4,7,1,3,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,2,2,22,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21420282919150616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858295106668032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109326847114286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26808367571073793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366805940823081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053359080485517,0.0,0.0,0.3042686881308783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16835863630212253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35809971157801523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30247771631513576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29272479485494185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349390444461709,0.0,0.0 bpd,neuroticmango87,2020/01/10,"Wellness Recovery Support Plan Hi all! Been suggested to me that I need to write up a support plan (WRAP/WAP) does anyone have any decent templates they use? I’m trying to look online, most of them are non-editable PDFs and I’d rather not handwrite mine (personal preference, hate my handwriting and typing is a lot easier) Also if anyone finds they work well? Success stories are welcome to inspire me :) Cheers!",3.335066666666666,6.3632707733333325,4.022666666666666,81.06466666666667,81.26666666666667,6.533333333333335,28.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,2.393133333333334,328,15,52,6,9,104,62,75,0.040999999999999995,0.652,0.308,0.9724,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,4,4,9,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,1,14,12,4,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,8,8,6,11,3,1,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,3,0,33,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595026175716145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581250614356128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32517395353408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20348430746185864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21252375547797064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295704251908316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952625455199288,0.0,0.0,0.1976845496099933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724144369355311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030319738449816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5277335219811535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578692993297037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008270540332126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4181360324685728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692810633683956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,violentwaters,2020/01/10,"Is this splitting? I'm confused I find the concept of splitting quite confusing because I see people talk about being totally black and white and loving someone one minute and then completely hating them and feeling no love and I don't relate to that For example, I will be having a good time with my partner, everythings fine. Then they could say something that I take the wrong way and I'll get in a mood which then usually escalates into a huge argument where I'm so angry. During that anger I feel like they don't understand me, we will never work, theyre so manipulative and judgmental etc and I just list all of things I don't like about them. I'll shout at them and in that moment I just don't care, I'm too angry and frustrated and I'm just done with it all. I convince myself that we will never work and we should break up and I just want to be single. But then it could be half an hour later or a few hours later but I go back to loving them, feeling guilty and not really understanding why I got so mad and upset. I look at all the reasons I wanted to break up and I feel like it would be a waste to through everything away because we love each other. Is this splitting? The thing that confuses me is because when we are arguing even though I might dislike them in that moment, I know I still love them and care about their wellbeing. I cycle through this several times a month and it's exhausting",3.658743976871186,5.1899833180212065,4.645899453902988,84.66533488596211,72.71024734982332,7.972309669129458,25.93784131063283,8.575989854853784,1.7507469964664315,1121,37,224,20,22,365,150,283,0.18600000000000005,0.6859999999999999,0.129,-0.9547,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,5,0,9,3,17,25,5,4,11,0,23,6,0,2,6,61,50,30,0,6,8,0,4,3,1,6,1,2,0,1,18,27,0,0,9,0,0,1,8,11,0,2,2,10,38,13,24,35,8,34,0,0,4,5,23,11,0,5,22,167,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158281932773228,0.08313803192457789,0.0,0.19772785802082654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22047222074248524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336234349223807,0.0,0.0,0.17265092858635547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064486510653933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058299777163982,0.07141260602058681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19434356405386247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186760024730408,0.1544826903572951,0.0,0.0,0.09882022732798834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056488526805636985,0.0,0.06144740231628225,0.09068639071255838,0.08647388380771731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674666252776847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21295393236767876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942022872588565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846672349743435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079403426465972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.487915105187428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469882134388892,0.0,0.0,0.08630079444633883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667784728939016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732652853802921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495717829978095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499951769962526,0.0,0.0,0.06926479529586035,0.11116593667345807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598180395670488,0.0,0.0,0.0861580828968513,0.0,0.0,0.1221454504076998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161019429961716,0.08323648454336792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634521386309008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129320062595058,0.08690320554361974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436609832080709,0.0,0.10622789506852467,0.0,0.12609192870922095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22511461899021026,0.0,0.0,0.11907951476206274,0.0,0.12754460777800675,0.0858210629427122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975619826528915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742610163052995,0.0,0.0,0.07680573923003907,0.11821285244022935,0.0,0.0 bpd,destructed_boy,2020/01/10,"Any one ever reject your diagnosis? I remember after my diagnosis that there were a few times where I told people about having Borderline and they completely just laugh it off and say stuff like ""No way, you seem to happy to have any thing like that!"" or ""Boys don't get that, only Girls do."" and other such ignorant rubbish. Doesn't that just make you feel great?? Thanks for completely dismissing my issues and making me feel even worse than I already am. Congrats, I now hate you! ;)",4.937571428571432,6.789332344444442,5.2887301587301625,80.04500000000002,70.0,8.6984126984127,25.079365079365076,9.23628265651192,2.072936507936508,381,11,69,8,7,121,69,90,0.125,0.6409999999999999,0.235,0.9217,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,4,1,0,9,9,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,2,1,15,16,5,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,8,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,3,12,6,7,14,1,7,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,2,6,51,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21257627293255055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261995283520478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4039459091278004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723285869679693,0.17424836984920106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19480295198169964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064324983434876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21237952896852327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20506234361416725,0.0,0.19018607199175605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010597192798903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188222363551902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571692168653315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305337001633008,0.1465067435414282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354807514204586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21821663041639827,0.0,0.0,0.15319019040091367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536664640093036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22051970141396585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17735139236208405,0.0,0.0,0.1279773879942577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232636254474468,0.0,0.0,0.1840699241997944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290380484716126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19631037739063695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,coffee_and_tv_easily,2020/01/10,Finally joined Reddit! Hi! I’ve just joined. I’m a female from the UK. I was diagnosed with BPD several years ago along with anxiety disorder. I am so glad to find this sub where there are people who actually understand what it’s like living with this!!,1.3906122448979588,4.091830510204082,3.515510204081636,82.32591836734697,90.83673469387756,8.514285714285714,21.285714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.3766244897959194,201,7,38,7,7,68,42,49,0.087,0.774,0.138,0.5516,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,7,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,6,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.2753278578853792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25010001131496506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21583626273774165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553453461890224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863660747445548,0.0,0.0,0.3233567860663578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090704860119508,0.2578707709307783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783931104013358,0.0,0.2491347140036177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956002923450652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187377960362145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29371760173209305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816888549510169 bpd,Persapphona,2020/01/10,"I'm lowkey triggered by men in BPD spaces I know all genders can have the disorder. I know it's also their space, it's for all of us. I know men need to connect with other sufferers because they are diagnosed with it way less often than women. I understand all of that and I understand it's a good thing they are reaching out for help and have this safe space. But I can't help feeling uncomfortable. I wish there was a sub just for women.",1.7819999999999998,3.975891866666668,3.3877777777777784,88.58500000000002,80.33333333333334,6.666666666666668,23.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.2003333333333337,348,12,72,6,9,115,60,90,0.081,0.7190000000000001,0.2,0.8717,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,3,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,1,3,21,16,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,8,5,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,11,2,12,15,4,6,0,1,0,0,10,5,0,1,0,52,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18278599060832945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933311698921985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878737782295606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319920178429241,0.0,0.0,0.2619590792996457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557100251435685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19171224954784208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30640903311919804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768454878900364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694805016816529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185062525186618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4758953319634331,0.2749395275594801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18142688121180103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26284227009899785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WLW_Lover56,2020/01/10,"Anyone has a sort of amnesia with their disorder? I can’t remember any memories with all my interpersonal relationships and even if I try it’s like my brain turns off and turns on again. It’s almost like watching something on tv and someone just turns it off. I also feel restarted? Like I know who I am but I don’t know? It’s almost like in the movie Wall-e when he restarts and just does what he is programmed to do rather than feel any emotion for the relationships he made. This is weird.",3.407196969696969,5.090138949494953,4.373623737373737,85.7471022727273,73.64646464646464,7.77828282828283,26.516414141414145,8.472884824447931,1.6879383838383837,392,14,82,7,8,127,65,99,0.042,0.861,0.09699999999999999,0.6298,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,7,1,1,1,1,21,15,8,0,2,5,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,9,4,11,14,1,7,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,4,6,51,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280282150889805,0.0,0.0,0.13098446651388015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227684609733613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452723009202853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18284612961599275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18771991297766186,0.0,0.14333555223302305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18424404322426896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818312351379114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656363932316321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003168632767913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200821456463233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498402561151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517027910493916,0.1855444963109584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878049713212876,0.12609514468094113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112040701433695,0.5344762440828068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hurricanesophie_,2020/01/10,"New to reddit, just saying hello I am a 27 year old girl (woman?) living in England near London. About a year and a half ago I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. As well as this, I have previously been diagnosed with panic disorder, generalised anxiety disorder and health anxiety (hypochondriasis) which is a form of OCD. Just saying hello 👍🏻 Feel free to ask me anything!",6.69913043478261,8.557127318840582,8.261565217391304,60.4106086956522,65.66666666666666,12.476521739130435,34.08985507246377,11.979248473330829,5.249171594202898,311,14,46,12,5,108,52,69,0.205,0.721,0.073,-0.8268,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,4,0,5,3,0,0,0,7,7,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,2,3,4,3,10,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,5,32,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568118312742666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706571618077637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455742350270829,0.0,0.1653783108364486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591010520904375,0.0,0.0,0.6082307175208761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944632875720718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880372129824483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562065932404071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085183577094326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856275673542762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20755490146642636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446290164983445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813571353737293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905500901241806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278365516034566 bpd,MoodsShifting,2020/01/10,"I'm worthless I can share your pain, but I don't feel like they're listening. I'll get a ""sorry"" or ""feel better"", but no one ever offering to help, no one offering to listen. No one cares enough. It's as if they're rolling their eyes at me and thinking ""I don't have time for this"", ""he only wants attention."" Or something like. I never brush anyone's pain under the rug, I never try to downplay it or ignore it. If someone reaches out to me hurting, I always do my best to talk with them and listen no matter how many times it happens but I feel like no one does that for me (including the people I'm always there for). I feel like there are conditions to receiving empathy and love from people and like I don't meet them and that hurts. As I mentioned, even when people show ""concern"", it's usually shallow ""I know how you feel"", ""it will get better"", ""sorry"", etc. It feels like I don't have any worth to people and therefore aren't worth worrying over and so they just offer these small platitudes, and that hurts me so much. Sometimes I'm sure that I'm not worth caring about or worrying over, sure that I'm worthless.",4.835366624525918,5.079231411504424,5.638457648546144,83.38982300884959,68.95575221238938,8.581036662452593,28.0897597977244,8.418075326091056,1.8255458912768645,873,27,178,12,14,286,116,226,0.251,0.62,0.129,-0.983,0,1,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,2,4,3,11,23,0,0,3,0,11,4,1,3,5,41,34,24,0,3,11,0,6,6,0,1,2,3,1,0,14,10,0,1,9,1,3,1,13,8,0,4,0,11,23,15,20,33,4,14,0,5,1,1,20,6,0,6,13,114,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669393086997936,0.0,0.0,0.06811699260398392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003909306592862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511908318594616,0.1771791371287798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042538577580172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765681379387286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349928387959276,0.11171267922978599,0.06615935659892169,0.09060678315109104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038846591679467,0.28623728972340634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466624303290407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857734434311346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713982643400003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216925248947405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504916177309189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936192096366611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040462526963301,0.0,0.0,0.10155361278518224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363426791016398,0.0,0.15450992585301207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715029971262589,0.07618151466047451,0.21316949349707134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777727331420757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487117121895328,0.07711344774839604,0.09906772096386092,0.22425750394439226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888124178556277,0.0,0.0,0.08051043765987582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418296689603625,0.0,0.0,0.11681636255249228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800681560029825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103197953383572,0.0,0.059081089869638476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20344889466740185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,matilde97,2020/01/10,I'm afraid of having a relapse I'm in a time of my life that I feel so affective and so proactive that I finally realized the trauma that I've been through and it's scary. It scares me to my bones to have a depression again even though I'm conscious that has a bpd carrier sometimes bad days happen. But oh my how I am terrified of going through that again. I hope not.,2.7626923076923084,4.010383987179488,4.305641025641027,87.34769230769234,74.51282051282051,8.276923076923078,28.384615384615394,8.841846274778883,2.0993692307692307,293,12,64,6,6,98,52,78,0.23600000000000002,0.6859999999999999,0.078,-0.9199,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,2,5,0,5,2,1,2,0,10,12,7,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,1,1,8,1,8,11,0,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493881171612303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761812172689824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926260481439832,0.0,0.2572555274844809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197277532500216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510232737216461,0.0,0.0,0.3271930050493607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697486281905135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641246956702749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29665995553345925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21096887977222295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990341341931944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954054656343036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934548700795083,0.0,0.17416466048569396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,valentineskies,2020/01/10,"Lamictal x Seroquel Is anyone else taking these two meds?? I'll be on 100mg of Lamictal (currently on 50mg) & starting 50mg seroquel, haven't picked up my prescription yet I'm having a lot of worried thoughts",4.634285714285717,5.885215761904764,5.884285714285718,77.81071428571428,69.95238095238095,9.40952380952381,35.42857142857143,9.725611199111238,3.6743714285714297,170,9,31,4,3,57,34,42,0.07200000000000001,0.9279999999999999,0.0,-0.3736,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601809867647092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324384104131983,0.3406074088274127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277697381677802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826147787988815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692478390166719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352912363424701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499412841666388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639073199297249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247296939505656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33759244735150323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,denna84,2020/01/10,"My boyfriend saw me crying and broke up with me for being pathetic, ex-boyfriend now. I don't entirely know what to say. I'm sitting at my computer forcing myself to mentally prepare to head out to work. I took yesterday off. Wednesday night we had a minor disagreement that resulted in him belittling me over money. Money has been tight and he was telling me to cut back on luxuries. I told him I don't have any luxuries. Apparently seeing my therapist is a luxury, and buying medication is a luxury, also spending $8/mo on soda is a luxury. It was a nasty break up with him making fun of me the entire time he cleared his stuff out of my, previously our, apartment. He had told me that people in his life helped him yelling at him when he was down, and that I wasn't an adult if I couldn't handle him yelling at me. He told me real adults manage to face life without medication. He even imitated the way my hands shake when I have an anxiety attack and mocked me, told me he had been so tired of having to deal with it. Is there anyone out there that won't eventually tell me that seeing me break down, seeing me have anxiety attacks, disgusts them? He literally told me that watching me cry he stopped caring about me, stopped loving me.",6.201498829039814,6.1173601803278705,7.1661592505854825,74.72696721311478,66.04918032786885,10.74192037470726,33.002341920374704,10.451354775682146,3.3634423887587825,980,38,188,23,14,330,134,244,0.174,0.7809999999999999,0.046,-0.982,1,0,0,0,2,0,27.0,2,0,1,1,10,10,5,1,9,0,23,10,3,2,1,23,38,10,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,1,5,3,0,2,10,12,1,3,1,0,4,2,6,7,0,0,16,10,41,3,32,19,0,33,0,1,5,1,33,17,0,1,10,130,51,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390307520960058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985161943951502,0.0,0.17965644107882248,0.0,0.0,0.08210484332307721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26717107065682993,0.0,0.09029098557772117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972050361624532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579671511054442,0.0,0.12105788546693982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755673824612279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205098033536286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870611523928764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453257180517595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587857704023273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597877940049406,0.0,0.07838071800664108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23658249820324226,0.1183346959177522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019346595879068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140627518043762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365300222016366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337942745678852,0.0,0.0,0.28071261876758224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19634165573274984,0.0,0.0,0.1344211623935371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052656340102196,0.0,0.0,0.13633707284539634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847025514676397,0.1349603851605362,0.0,0.5610132113814761,0.13046119649171098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932048567550268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319151489054605,0.0,0.08548529200675578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Seribeth,2020/01/10,"Is anyone else ridiculously empathetic to a degree of literally feeling other people's emotions? I feel I take on the weight of how other people are feeling quite often. To try and understand others, I try to put myself in their shoes emotionally and sometimes physically feel their emotional pain. It's so hard to describe and explain. I hope I've done a sufficient enough job of doing so and someone can relate!",7.1708,8.568443146666667,8.038666666666668,64.14600000000003,64.2,10.266666666666666,35.0,10.355215969177356,4.1546,336,15,49,8,5,113,54,75,0.09699999999999999,0.764,0.138,0.273,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,1,4,3,1,0,3,0,5,3,1,1,0,13,13,7,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,6,7,1,9,12,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,0,37,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909175481983846,0.17451304175495874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742965680173816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228056556613772,0.5747614712688558,0.0,0.17598616430133945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34447578477420754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257333067416587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916626238321095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901639112218095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18123256558109296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23615698592679865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17121871556622853,0.0,0.18115636219899167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431164470627628,0.0,0.16845090675977994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280594979135116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23127229822707585,0.0,0.0,0.1773092021159469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20740396379099188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jonabc5,2020/01/10,"Does the right treatment really work? Hi all, I am not a pwBPD but my girlfriend is. Shes been struggling greatly after losing her job over the summer. This has lead to a complete relapse in symptoms and behavior that have hurt her as well as myself very badly. She’s currently seeking help and is in the psych ward, which i believe is the best decision for now (her decision). She went several times over the summer as well. I just really want to know that if she finds the right treatment and puts in the beat effort, can the person i love dearly come back to me? I feel like the sweet, caring person i knew disappeared over the summer and replaced by someone i dont get and who is truly hurtful. I just want her to get better again, i love her so much and it pains me to see her in this psychological pain.",5.3216875,5.75914779375,5.9162500000000025,81.14375000000003,67.9375,8.65,28.5,8.548686976883017,1.9756374999999995,637,20,124,9,10,207,100,160,0.152,0.593,0.255,0.9703,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,7,8,18,0,1,12,0,11,5,0,1,1,22,24,12,0,3,5,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,2,7,7,0,0,6,0,0,5,2,7,2,0,3,3,23,11,18,21,3,23,0,3,1,2,18,9,0,1,10,90,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878214875964616,0.11812203071356947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938890594486252,0.1484646527621722,0.1251192375032167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423869172135412,0.0,0.0,0.121864383831212,0.1483292186264651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380186382643042,0.0,0.16580247406382234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153177938096786,0.10106661544792728,0.0,0.0,0.12930155334212715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782508519707807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597182133705498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948247522327038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028943781799733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038772808885647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774853470738219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911538273518471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826939980890262,0.0,0.0,0.2553654558612968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399715908234644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30106935745955976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470533191664351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221701413124327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18125936087869396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416302162203945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127337413884637,0.0,0.0,0.15982149503633256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986756907165795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478957738382289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704210776301516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249263681560749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672805007474706,0.16688603489417153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25439809486194026,0.13114465125893054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029922720672488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dipslemurv,2020/01/10,"How did you handle being diagnosed for the first time? I just got diagnosed, i dont feel any emotions by this though. I dont know how to feel about this or what to do next. At this moment I just dont feel anything at all, but i think that if i ignore this I’ll only turn numb, or really sad. How did you cope with your diagnosis?",2.586197183098591,3.2333594507042283,4.4071549295774695,88.75721126760563,74.2112676056338,7.933521126760564,21.242253521126766,8.238735603445708,0.7393808450704227,255,5,60,4,5,87,46,71,0.163,0.8370000000000001,0.0,-0.9062,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,1,7,3,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,3,1,17,14,8,0,1,6,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,3,9,0,8,10,1,6,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,3,4,43,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288071998855594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587059616266988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845000117058152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6659711761103017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21306390679917594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873184101298057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611144317238097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514907201058543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409632182769664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20144266264834268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405697038777518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134269047850996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121368074693046,0.18609711522895386,0.0,0.11044812744949938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20602673617515824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dreamdoenjoyshare,2020/01/10,"purging gifts from ex therapist - help so my first therapist ever, I became heavily attached to. I was 17, just realised my mother was a narcissist, outcast of my family, and had budding BPD, depression and an eating disorder. my therapist became my everything - something I can admit was incredibly unhealthy. I wanted her to be my mum. and to some degree, I definitely feel as if she reciprocated this. she took me out for tea a few times as eating disorder therapy, but how many therapists do that? many of our sessions when I could visit from University were spent at a coffee shop. she always insisted she’d pay. our last in-person session together, she gifted me a planner. an expensive one. on return from her six week holiday to France and Spain, she mailed me a gift with a postcard signed ‘everyone should travel, x [name]’. then she ghosted me when we were meant to have a Skype therapy session, I tried to reschedule but she was fully booked, and I never heard from her again. I still have these items. I still have dreams where I see her and everything is okay, she loves me like a daughter, etc. but I know this isn’t real. this is holding me back. how do I purge myself of these items therapeutically? help me.",3.444474238651601,6.093598515418504,4.841509289408163,77.93016663474431,77.06167400881056,8.176900976824362,27.05018195747941,8.964715089967882,2.6436494541275617,961,39,167,24,23,319,140,227,0.044000000000000004,0.8220000000000001,0.134,0.9706,0,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,3,0,0,2,12,4,0,0,10,1,20,4,0,2,2,29,30,18,1,4,5,4,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,6,9,3,1,4,5,5,3,2,1,0,3,11,3,43,3,20,15,5,21,0,1,1,1,28,4,0,2,15,130,49,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210395482522436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435586546731843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454804831486302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797337880983567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568932702056877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28127094237693506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25112446510994946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368532890664115,0.0,0.11099757316220336,0.0,0.11725398002867793,0.22056638532099268,0.0,0.11567939267669895,0.0,0.06204550129655356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437645479692967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449889373687174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743781369257404,0.10002444474118916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599495581714645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074992024420892,0.0,0.0,0.24881590920654156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464096507298753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315098698798833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714501419726537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967003035905126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778341260366136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944676023203376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959915863874097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806575223266033,0.56989974896375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155277065372008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633453025364534,0.0833115493961964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237711534656709,0.0,0.09842998639828393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ratbooy,2020/01/10,Breakups? Does anyone else feel like breakups are more of a nightmare for people with our illness? Each breakup ive gone through has made me physically ill and right now I’m trying to get over my longest most intimate relationship and I don’t even know where to go from here. I feel completely lost... does anyone have any advice? Tips for coping with it all?,3.306113445378152,5.969876544117646,3.2956302521008425,88.73676470588238,77.67647058823529,6.238655462184874,25.890756302521005,7.447530270364453,1.3406991596638649,287,11,55,4,7,87,57,68,0.095,0.868,0.037000000000000005,-0.6072,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,1,1,11,14,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,2,6,1,10,11,4,6,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23494109609512864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349764026682112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362223141377461,0.2463444208830113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25208164838077696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207960939182197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008447229778549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587988293667298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24313279642325564,0.17176008378051258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561244336609606,0.0,0.13663939882881646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321316121645778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745979497289062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624529238055372,0.0,0.0,0.22749649888333665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668082611642865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25812709824622143,0.0,0.2053221333176122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323318819068494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,vitallynice,2020/01/10,"""You couldn't sleep last night? Why not?"" Me: *thinks back to laying in bed, uncontrollably reliving painful memories over and over and screaming into my pillow* ""Uh, just one of those nights, I guess""",3.0631428571428567,6.179777600000005,2.648571428571429,88.54142857142858,87.28571428571428,6.2285714285714295,21.285714285714285,7.554174236665415,1.1908285714285711,156,5,28,3,5,46,33,35,0.218,0.782,0.0,-0.8105,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,8,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,0,1,4,0,6,2,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,4,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24550877940519975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517260210285477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602581113264002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5992505930214684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21635430103525952,0.0,0.33973943017764635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31951340090346153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20458353812873006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28810308258429795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mahoudeerqueen,2020/01/10,"Any tips for combatting splitting? Splitting (being head over heels for someone one moment and then hating them the next) has essentially ruined my love life thus far. Every time I’m in a relationship, I get splitting as soon as two weeks in and it really just ruins it for me. I’m forever terrified that it’s going to stay this way and I’ll be alone forever because of it! Do any of you have any tips to maybe help? I know it’s splitting and that it’s a result of my bpd but even just reminding myself of that doesn’t help, I just stay filled with anxiety. Thanks in advance!",2.925775862068964,4.8131538189655165,4.3960689655172445,84.20582758620691,75.4655172413793,7.743448275862068,24.53103448275862,8.548686976883017,1.6777096551724129,457,15,91,9,10,152,76,116,0.111,0.789,0.099,0.5354,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,1,5,5,1,0,3,0,6,4,2,2,0,12,14,8,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,3,0,2,0,0,9,2,16,12,0,17,0,2,0,1,6,5,0,0,6,57,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19642920322310087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3869232355701762,0.0,0.14508837758741328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561417616414355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388684788544927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526777504364212,0.0,0.15979562497734506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908883686999684,0.0,0.10778740336339523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18724868973880085,0.19464453093874887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25424844214221304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042314551989632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396154056462092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117437114504416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905376444632973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20170416685562528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851763573620187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150021234436473,0.0,0.0,0.20362245367125065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606971913042992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4043018541090057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461223892668493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105915064618437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18526898018377555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054223904970976,0.15213275988270986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lilacsky1996,2020/01/10,"Does anyone else experience bouncing back and fourth between finding someone attractive and finding them hideous? I’m literally so confused by my own thought process. One day I’m suuuuuuuuper obsessed with my love interest and other days I’m not. It even fluctuates throughout the day. I’ll even find myself not even wanting to talk to them whereas other times I am dying to talk to them/see them/etc. another topic I’d like to ask about, is it common to have a hard time making decisions and sticking with them? I’ll admit I am not getting the adequate help I need. I haven’t been to therapy in months. I lost my job, so I no longer have insurance and I can’t afford to see my therapist.",3.126234213547648,5.550263999999999,4.9852238805970135,77.68015499425948,76.91044776119405,7.705166475315733,30.456946039035593,8.617729084823388,2.7543416762342137,552,27,100,12,13,188,84,134,0.096,0.774,0.13,0.7605,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,3,1,7,7,0,2,3,0,8,1,0,1,0,20,21,7,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,6,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,3,2,15,4,14,18,1,9,0,1,1,1,9,1,0,1,9,61,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619160788970794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082057583197684,0.16239273496919476,0.0,0.0,0.14816766827077307,0.0,0.0,0.12186977782524262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066407045350168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644886110560445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869652154246612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239887370533673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767593339383236,0.3140453855419317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503458700122671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4345736435050831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828049937208469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197678409804634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623316066744404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572778385668943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774306854045909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301162309530554,0.0,0.1430442941461863,0.0,0.105793957482388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650598530957038,0.0,0.0,0.1175190508051506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739758742063256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262967883340524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428889002267946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547780866766315,0.0,0.0,0.18124824419512725,0.1840202393483689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582413168673598,0.18483472583630212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348208426929462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,valentinez13,2020/01/10,"Any advice for having a relationship while being BPD? Hi, this is my first time posting anything on reddit ever so I apologize if I mess up somehow. I’m not sure I used the right flair. I’ve just recently entered my second romantic relationship ever (~1 month) and even though everything is going great, and we’re very much in love I keep thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend. The thought makes me really upset to the point of crying but I can’t shake the feeling that I need to get away before I’m abandoned again, even though I logically know he wouldn’t do that to me and I don’t want to abandon/hurt him either. Romantic or not, he’s one of my closest friends and just having these thoughts makes me feel really guilty. Like, my love for him isn’t “real” or something. I’ve done a bit of DBT before and have been hospitalized multiple times, and I know I’ve gotten better at managing myself than before but it’s still so hard for me. Part of me wants to tell my boyfriend but he doesn’t have BPD and I don’t want him to misunderstand and think that I’m thinking these things because I actually want to break up with him. I’m sorry if this doesn’t really make sense, I don’t know anyone else with BPD and can’t afford therapy right now so I haven’t been able to vent or ask advice about this at all. Does anyone have advice on how to deal with this? Are there people with BPD here in long term relationships? Is there a way I could talk to my boyfriend about this and make it clear it’s because of my BPD? I know these thoughts aren’t me but they’re eating me up from the inside.",2.9593518518518493,4.6904149969135815,3.985679012345681,87.86055555555558,74.95679012345678,7.022222222222222,23.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,0.9830666666666668,1265,36,264,18,27,409,159,324,0.076,0.799,0.125,0.9508,2,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,22,11,0,2,8,0,26,3,0,6,5,64,59,26,0,9,14,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,15,15,1,2,13,0,0,3,13,4,0,3,7,3,35,7,39,49,6,35,0,1,0,2,19,15,0,6,14,171,50,1,0.08028160764317605,0.0,0.0783432682986113,0.0,0.0,0.23535077353350456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054594246170990006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122695334089236,0.08225799427189848,0.06606492265404636,0.0,0.07505246592595301,0.0,0.07542721308968392,0.0,0.0,0.09787784574467627,0.0,0.2049412052536256,0.0,0.0,0.07100255794474447,0.08764672279226587,0.0,0.5055593721783689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409833112920724,0.0,0.08818557626215336,0.0,0.08276681232655242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025497585675028,0.08215595779779564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214812694428901,0.0670649816749829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605048938888692,0.14523862064406126,0.0,0.0,0.07215193236174264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118558603359895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828749444940728,0.0,0.0,0.062025370917979564,0.0,0.04194382649239884,0.0,0.0456258877139911,0.0,0.0,0.08851075584557386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191655153350962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594312140572306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135798159030936,0.0,0.0,0.1764826880610732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0392215383138183,0.0,0.0,0.07104669644934812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449145706023957,0.0,0.21435438599487974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408001328956936,0.0,0.05901621893790135,0.05952779482285826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05440089504335242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693715769200643,0.0,0.05565715834267565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589206853162,0.0,0.07688758823609547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137804537860984,0.15429136075280925,0.0,0.07926840230232504,0.2585772061674942,0.0,0.13712010855204124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061804703768197224,0.0,0.08986868700451002,0.0,0.0,0.06411299556782063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566446510989304,0.0,0.0,0.06452731521033613,0.07016966363522964,0.0,0.09180901495145477,0.0,0.053335532843152914,0.15432363764552492,0.15775254379486936,0.191203886778263,0.0936257020486454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933753274871214,0.0,0.06624073407573465,0.18940868885070414,0.06372380334590617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Aielwyd,2020/01/10,"DAE Hate it when.. You tell your friends about bpd but then they criticize and judge you for having conflicting emotions. Like...hello??? You know I have BPD, i need someone to hold me accountable in a positive way -_-",1.5241758241758239,4.06648207692308,2.0136263736263764,90.5492307692308,100.02564102564102,6.331135531135532,23.52014652014652,7.447530270364453,1.7698761904761904,167,7,31,4,7,51,35,39,0.20600000000000002,0.649,0.145,-0.4386,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,4,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,5,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,1,4,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,2,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7157781583875578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196413125164564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195410084956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28054878346541035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616668931403022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388260311663602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21070074899207336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407675139923154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24836802250883105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22555267053921305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Akem0417,2020/01/10,"Anyone else fantasize about dying to save their fp? I sometimes imagine in my head scenarios where I and my (non romantic) fp are in a dangerous situation and I give my life to save hers. I feel like it's the only way I could atone for what I've done wrong in the past, but even if I hadn't hurt her when I couldn't control my fears of abandonment there's no sell no doubt I'd die to save her. Does anyone else do this?",2.2162380952380967,3.3920851000000027,3.846507936507937,90.385,75.77777777777777,7.80952380952381,22.857142857142854,8.418075326091056,1.0640476190476185,329,9,77,6,7,110,63,90,0.225,0.611,0.16399999999999998,-0.8099,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,5,10,1,2,3,0,6,2,1,1,0,14,8,5,2,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,4,6,0,0,2,1,15,4,9,4,0,7,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,2,3,46,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603782579968593,0.3815495193485887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088291230822559,0.14865842311055935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3864738807352199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16293706470270286,0.19053811417865246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110775037697872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297744921685935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20951672389747425,0.09414380208069184,0.13301494138738867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17861144532939122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910857593704368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19932139698957813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151226279909933,0.09096355451048273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160670284654228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17774044932024333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20928656972223664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18414773435178428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778980908121125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035707120610824,0.0,0.0 bpd,diggitydev,2020/01/10,Ugh I think the hardest part of bpd for me is the paranoia. I am constantly making shit up in my head & convincing myself that it’s true. Had to leave work today bc I just felt like everyone had been secretly plotting against me & that none of my friends liked me anymore. I’m so fucking tired of constantly being so afraid,2.1977802197802205,4.713196030769228,3.2806593406593407,88.08076923076923,81.0,6.791208791208793,27.747252747252745,7.957251820313856,1.9948021978021973,262,12,51,5,7,84,51,65,0.204,0.654,0.141,-0.5893,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,9,2,1,2,0,6,4,2,1,1,6,11,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,1,9,5,8,6,2,5,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,0,5,33,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4406460604258191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20166250822393944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561045231003144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43948503235286973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19430381013728024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952420321556467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15710299238073275,0.18798815849972064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086895056610568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21531182908870355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986871160520625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357336319449906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202016275009606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087295907640373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029456016878596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337138994437673,0.1927462404011374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803678069103562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mermaidprincess44,2020/01/10,"I hate being rude to ppl all the time I recently “got promoted” , which means I am in charge of a small group of people that are around my age. I feel so sorry for the people who have to work with me because I can see why literally they are walking on eggshells when dealing with me. Sometimes (70% of the times) I am in a bad mood and I can be very rude to people who are super nice at me. I try my best, and I can see I am improving, but I still do it. Today I had to talk with an “employee” about not liking his attitude when I asked him to do something. He told me that sometimes I am rude to him, and I admit that too. I take responsibility of my acts however I hate to play the BPD card “Sorry that I have a disorder that makes me do that, it is not an excuse, I am trying my best, but sometimes I can’t help it. It would be nice if you help me by calling me out whenever I say something hurtful”.",3.377314335060446,3.289404689119173,5.294935233160622,85.7466860967185,72.05699481865284,8.50587219343696,26.964162348877373,8.344100000000001,1.5001436960276342,687,21,161,10,12,239,106,193,0.156,0.6890000000000001,0.155,0.2046,2,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,5,7,15,5,0,9,0,23,0,0,1,1,19,35,9,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,13,8,0,0,3,1,0,2,3,7,0,0,3,4,37,7,23,28,3,17,0,1,2,0,19,7,0,1,9,121,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916424848868608,0.12514152224987538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176794810451007,0.08160013438540291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809567276321868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685926468678891,0.0,0.1366865638587245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380043248216964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341576027457526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768390415723563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070604912757546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643191129863456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17944777824329014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330046197587967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539749159495331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935294075081385,0.0,0.0,0.14581335570119922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278406102977742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217112066931092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645126328371213,0.0,0.0,0.213339016964354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20610474596225867,0.39717444995333867,0.29969179974546384,0.0,0.0,0.10690118921971596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064645663129138,0.10759202049518088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611029872942828,0.0,0.12688412703407784,0.12790946934868735,0.0,0.18176502104709985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044895320781382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078830431486935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974520574192556,0.0,0.0,0.09509067723903523,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ReassuringEgg,2020/01/10,"anyone else wish they could be their own FP I’m tired of being so emotionally invested in people that don’t feel the same way. It keeps happening, I’m powerless. I can’t stop. I obsess, I stalk their social media, anxiously await replies, lose myself in delusions of grandeur involving them. Then I get fucking depressed when I find out they don’t feel nearly the same way as I. Is this love? Is this love just one-sided? Why does this break my fucking heart if it isn’t? It’d much be easier if I “loved” myself the same way.",2.3908571428571435,4.564772323809528,3.5640476190476207,88.2117857142857,78.14285714285714,6.866666666666667,21.92857142857143,7.908726449838941,1.0368857142857144,414,12,84,7,10,134,71,105,0.154,0.64,0.20600000000000002,0.8499,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,5,1,3,8,2,1,3,0,11,7,1,0,0,14,24,6,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,0,2,15,3,7,19,5,11,0,2,0,5,10,4,2,2,3,53,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18730429329912152,0.0,0.11592965927616715,0.1698794135707013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237603225648212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280138066888998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145090750201355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385027663137182,0.18650018111404232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766467341999292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153616267774306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30655474273105604,0.08662249439109147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661442488438256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19647116167013665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736868037508102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18548530080602404,0.0,0.0,0.4489168953672472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188044156768145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234886322584642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149433013040957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900995221493803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138614363839962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19056015253418854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3948076696514639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496067037508673,0.0,0.19065925888997767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,papa-pasta-bandit,2020/01/10,"Faking all of it I feel like I'm making the whole disorder up. I feel like I exaggerate my symptoms because I'm upset and I need the reaction. Not all the time, I just...sometimes I'm fine and then it feels like I decide that I should be upset. So I make myself upset. It feels like I'm faking the whole thing. But then again, that's a big part of borderline..feeling like it's not real. Does anyone else do this? Feel like it all a lie when you know that it isn't?",-0.6278461538461535,1.5203132000000041,1.924000000000004,94.96930769230772,92.0,4.676923076923077,15.692307692307693,6.297961479604792,-0.4586461538461535,360,8,82,4,13,123,56,100,0.177,0.6579999999999999,0.165,-0.3094,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,3,12,0,3,6,0,4,1,0,2,3,20,17,7,0,2,3,0,5,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,2,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,5,11,7,3,15,6,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,11,51,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534200022018928,0.1397109522031791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312023135030548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562736824252932,0.0,0.11932444573732012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390640547749853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41366856669645785,0.5844686419799848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493668127528277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3996945352144841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18203492342204708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011048831286445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765826945451765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520088768651474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485775244204104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172418303385229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905876461702942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950920819118518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044691039962322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Rosalina224,2020/01/10,I’m about to fucking explode There’s no real reason. There’s no real purpose for this. There isn’t even a purpose to this fucking post and I’ll probably delete it within the hour so idk why I’m posting. I feel just about ready to lose my shit.,0.4752564102564101,2.7216462692307712,2.313076923076924,93.91525641025645,86.30769230769229,4.235897435897436,22.128205128205128,5.46131890053228,0.11387435897435914,194,7,41,1,6,64,37,52,0.244,0.7090000000000001,0.047,-0.8623,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,8,4,3,0,2,0,1,3,1,1,0,6,6,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,7,6,0,4,0,1,0,2,0,1,3,0,1,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045933215485918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518220354856927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4211936844630186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22433648783630195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25484922061297466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4363376442169629,0.0,0.2456062441724508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5185710979933593,0.0,0.23421568714963464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338327746066345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205553494986954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Milkteamamamii,2020/01/10,"Never been more greatful for finding a place in a community To start things off I have not been clinically diagnosed with BPD (yet?). An old friend of mine who has struggled with depression and suicide recently announced that she had been diagnosed with BPD. She was relieved that a therapist finally understood her and she wishes she was correctly diagnosed sooner, so she might have been able to live her life differently. After researching BPD and following this subreddit for the past few weeks I wanted to come out and say thank you to everyone here for making me feel less alone. I’ve also struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts majority of my life. All 23 years of it I’ve held a heavy heart full of guilt for feeling the way I do. I have family and friends, loving ones, people I don’t deserve but who stick around nonetheless. I’ve always felt like a disease, that I infect people and are forced to push them away (I’ve learned the term for this is splitting). Reading everyone’s posts and feeling like I’ve written them myself has helped me come to terms with my feelings and why I feel the way that I do. I’ve always thought I was just too emotional, too sensitive, too....much of everything. I’m awaiting an appointment with a therapist, my first session in a long time partially because I no longer feel like a lost cause and can be saved. The things I feel can takeover all logic and most of the time I give in because at least I’m feeling anything at all. I heavily rely on my FP for being my source of emotional stability and social communication. I don’t want to take them for granted and I don’t want to lose them by continuing on the path I’ve fallen down. I want to get better, I want to learn what coping mechanisms will help me do that. Last year I stopped all contact with my friends, they still text me though and I’m too ashamed to reply after being purposely MIA for so long. When I first isolated myself I did it as a step towards leaving this Earth, it would be easier for me to go if I slowly started disappearing from those around me. I’ve been living in the shadows and now I have enough light to guide me on a my journey.",6.355933014354067,6.680490555023925,6.6829531100478485,76.92927177033495,65.69856459330143,10.324363636363636,33.94488038277512,10.17224662633116,3.3712777799043057,1724,72,325,38,25,558,219,418,0.107,0.7609999999999999,0.132,0.6805,1,1,0,0,0,1,37.0,0,1,5,5,16,20,0,4,20,0,33,9,1,2,6,67,69,23,2,8,4,0,9,3,3,3,7,1,0,0,17,27,0,2,16,1,0,9,6,8,0,3,17,11,52,12,57,45,14,57,0,4,0,1,25,18,0,3,30,226,69,5,0.07870858069921909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151835233843305,0.0,0.06294322354853853,0.13098368870937696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477045550975169,0.14013464802090306,0.0,0.0,0.0739493024949558,0.0,0.0,0.09596004049522044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961134344349325,0.0,0.0,0.297392106198536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085539365449124,0.0,0.13560094587670565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558317044684862,0.2396626578212985,0.0,0.08223371456323403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770731188025697,0.0,0.08132700399213817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041884368045685,0.07073819717387697,0.0,0.07419944499892794,0.0,0.3183793866381084,0.11245885155648032,0.07557258062496487,0.08622140291096414,0.07193821683291965,0.13389895706891733,0.0,0.0,0.18243016260942133,0.0,0.041121984838474165,0.07550444261027517,0.044731900251320206,0.0,0.0,0.08677648808658836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327004709561522,0.10551340507402301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415799836419024,0.0,0.08334102233858615,0.0,0.0,0.11118839647425482,0.11535911041698288,0.0,0.13900223753091162,0.13930923420843475,0.0,0.08805476892719889,0.08591971355966424,0.0,0.07103756706920443,0.0,0.05253858879887427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349736590800214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057859863139293075,0.0,0.0607049096653244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259141523544168,0.0,0.053334971275869884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513624633894886,0.10913323904459857,0.0,0.08223371456323403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538106324859388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872988035896951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771522796655206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259222250312688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023348601756135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142067705949774,0.0,0.06285677421841487,0.06580389780149158,0.0,0.1645665960237246,0.0,0.17218882473072278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059179057282084876,0.0,0.0,0.0724642862765233,0.0,0.18277345731024155,0.1045809672765809,0.0,0.07733078091169099,0.1249716424828011,0.09179121272670762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321218008270372,0.12495041555234104,0.06313527580851322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102225174446103,0.0,0.09051098341719772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055912317469222636,0.0,0.0,0.10137149081622512 bpd,gothicgrape_,2020/01/10,"I think I’m finally going to do it My ex is in love and it’s not with me. He’s the only one to ever love me, but I guess he never did for him to leave me that way. He says he still loves me but he got a new girlfriend and I got fat so I highly doubt that. I feel unworthy for anything. I feel stupid. I feel so small. I haven’t been able to date since him. I haven’t been able to enjoy anything.",-2.5328428093645488,-0.8081881304347824,0.6373913043478261,103.09757525083613,98.78260869565216,3.700334448160537,12.511705685618727,5.369823440869387,-1.4452167224080268,300,5,81,2,13,105,55,92,0.14400000000000002,0.7070000000000001,0.149,0.1388,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,1,2,0,7,4,1,0,2,14,19,6,0,0,3,1,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,3,1,0,4,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,5,4,16,4,9,14,0,11,0,0,0,3,13,3,0,2,6,49,20,0,0.3636235899412271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29923123178383154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644591774726207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757885191110353,0.0,0.0,0.19916593449997766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332783293625897,0.0,0.2908230025231077,0.0,0.20028618980313886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19209414354666915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925124393230824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4922767301021429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402244646229668,0.17559496452362264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320037759832493,0.13827606282840613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445840367517443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503965955909401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451951343194018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164976569786482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144313740205206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,theatrejunkie33,2020/01/10,"I'm afraid that I'm unwillingly pushing my fianceé away I am what doctors like to call ""high functioning"" but it takes a lot to keep myself in that category. I hate not being able to explain that ""high functioning"" is really ""struggling to bite my tongue and just live on auto pilot"". But that is what scares me the most. I'm afraid that my auto pilot isn't enough sometimes and I'm worried I'm unwillingly pushing away the love of my life. She is the world to me and makes me feel like I'm stable when I'm with her. But when she is gone I feel almost nothing. I'm lonely and longing for her to come home, but otherwise nothing. I'm happy when I'm with her and doing things, but I'm lethargic and dull when I'm home alone. Even when I'm with my family I feel like my mind is somewhere else. I keep having huge mood swings and I'm worried I'm too much for my love. Does anyone else get this way? Am I just slowly going crazy?",2.2828608247422686,3.7932949536082456,3.8583376288659785,88.99616623711344,76.26804123711341,6.499484536082474,22.434278350515466,7.1686216300943375,0.6410113402061852,727,20,157,8,16,242,95,194,0.16399999999999998,0.706,0.129,-0.7563,0,3,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,11,14,1,4,4,0,11,4,0,1,0,30,41,17,0,0,8,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,10,11,0,2,4,0,0,5,2,7,0,0,1,3,22,6,16,39,4,20,0,2,0,2,9,8,0,3,9,89,32,1,0.13046699614253776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064385071820478,0.1351244612163347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122555721161862,0.13367885542432695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24515607517360505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13322139014617912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238576483946278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353849891186975,0.11417254752590683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21797686823559995,0.0,0.0,0.1348072830416534,0.0,0.08617222048860045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299267269787807,0.0,0.1979041000328463,0.18641129622553487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816362065779108,0.0,0.07414740052091018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888454341766687,0.0,0.12880914802511645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27569108911947304,0.26173806951922696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319301215357142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215269774293804,0.1912187525181536,0.0,0.1152047478600354,0.11545918602920555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109183745764524,0.2355031155805129,0.0,0.08708773301797215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173447414408254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959082538897415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503732030262185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835804985272768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062022329017864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903519521742304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363924317900378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980949442811817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667647499830931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355862879914382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649911352028949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fairylighter,2020/01/10,"I’m sorry you had a traumatizing experience with a person with BPD in the past. (TW: language and very very very brief ED mention.) I understand that you have to protect yourself and your well-being. I understand you are coming from a place of healing and if distancing yourself from people with BPD is triggering, you absolutely shouldn’t enter another interpersonal relationship like that. Not for a single fucking second do I think saying “all BPD individuals are monsters and deserve to die alone” is necessary to your healing. We’re the monsters while you demonize an entire diagnosis? Good-fucking-bye. And thank fuck you’re staying the hell away from me. “I understand why therapists turn away people with BPD.” “I’ve never met a more evil, manipulative person than my ex/parent/friend/etc. with that diagnosis.” “BPD have no feelings for the people around them. They’re all selfish through and through.” And fuck off before you look at my post history. They’re self aware, exaggerated memes. Tons of people with mental illnesses from depression to anxiety to EDs to schizophrenia cope with humor and laughing at the irrationality of their diagnosis.",6.144805555555558,9.024644225000008,6.620333333333331,67.38822222222225,69.25,9.444444444444443,33.111111111111114,9.861636050157227,3.9822777777777785,935,44,139,25,18,303,123,200,0.187,0.736,0.077,-0.9701,1,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,8,2,0,1,11,5,0,11,0,9,6,0,2,3,30,23,10,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,3,3,17,0,1,5,0,0,3,4,7,0,1,2,3,17,4,32,20,5,16,2,1,1,3,17,8,4,1,4,91,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084665605012792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210164487979337,0.07448830149155848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668054643081244,0.0,0.0,0.18296591282647168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285527455102573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6131747961349796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387621656119335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386522153608847,0.0,0.10105539001680712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085940437794945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952472062042368,0.0,0.0,0.049233540019991376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522834361462538,0.2700528659980897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166990425875845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04757039446435333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176684536012012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981267407224896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509826891688534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811861391356034,0.0,0.09295132904531554,0.2700182696498935,0.1700406390210478,0.10173163331188917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932541929523254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453966728228704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743307062905297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157885200543684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899850119575427,0.0,0.10378418624304857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964583734111102,0.0,0.11305486099581392,0.0,0.06239119825126906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591133602700806,0.0,0.3040989265707654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24102301835118375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754793249087932,0.0,0.08786189107262485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,glassangelrose,2020/01/10,"How to best talk to someone w untreated BPD about getting help? Trigger warning she just announced that she is 6 weeks pregnant. With a guy she has been dating on and off (explosive fights and 2 break ups) for only a month. She seriously needs to get help, if not for herself, then for this kid. But she is so reisistent to it. She fluctuates between ""everything is my fault please help me im so miserable"" (so we offer help and resources but then she decides she is fine like 2 seconds later and rejects it all!!) and ""everyone else is the problem im perfect"". What made you finally seek treatment? Is there anything i can say or do that will encourage her to make positive changes so she can best support and love this child? Such as maybe learning how to cook/clean, basic hygiene, getting a full time job (she has a B.A.), moving out from her parents house (she is 32 and can't do anything without help from her mom...its bad) and getting into therapy/dbt?",3.1801342710997464,5.432372576086959,4.022480818414324,85.50129156010233,75.95652173913044,6.938107416879793,30.932225063938628,7.928766900206844,2.2989332480818416,750,37,141,12,17,240,124,184,0.081,0.6990000000000001,0.22,0.9856,2,0,0,0,1,0,35.0,1,1,0,3,10,15,1,1,5,0,16,1,0,5,2,30,25,21,0,3,7,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,3,7,12,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,7,0,1,2,1,20,8,21,22,4,16,0,2,0,1,32,6,0,2,9,98,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241383706414184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137093283991232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858368731829853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715210574542581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406635902182327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376563474116605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301312236843379,0.1223948799794766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918472172834374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846055228945864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484520354274362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4564118491215268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713995425891308,0.0,0.0,0.2942077408923272,0.0,0.13514324279754164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653342907660817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291286522467595,0.12886215387251887,0.09090497817640174,0.0,0.13681678897070407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594989861109781,0.1087020857090553,0.1447437924533272,0.0,0.10097993309808946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357532279070074,0.0,0.0,0.15121804667963115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949094676982005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031127377636606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830029414077348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538965842049274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545418605612542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946086600938536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941094708167719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923991300004186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127810579646784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Bpdthrow99,2020/01/10,"Sometimes, it really isn't all in our head. I found myself questioning whether or not I was overreacting. I had just texted my boyfriend I had a miscarriage... he sent me an Iran meme in response. I've been trying to justify this action for about 10 minutes until I realized, no, *he* was shitty. Sometimes, it's not us. People can be disappointing.",1.3065454545454536,3.887492046153845,3.2345454545454544,82.39727272727274,97.76923076923076,6.6713286713286735,24.370629370629374,7.686295010490155,2.176538461538462,273,12,48,7,11,91,53,65,0.16699999999999998,0.833,0.0,-0.8555,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,8,1,1,0,1,9,10,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,7,0,10,0,6,2,1,5,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,2,1,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429423218896603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32099802054538323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21683923187736587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503802749972506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003720704110501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6186861690749835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123541139605196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762305582393754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,goddessofthehunter,2020/01/10,"I can’t deal with the stress of my job. It’s making me incredibly depressed. Any advice on how to deal with BPD and wanting to run away at the slightest inconvenience? I’m extremely depressed right now. My job makes me miserable, but today, I just could not take it. I went shopping after work and spent $300 in Sephora. I thought it would make me happy, but right when I got home, I broke down and started crying for 30 minutes straight. I’m going to return all of the makeup tomorrow because I didn’t even take anything out of the bag. Why I hate my job is a totally different story... but I don’t think I can work there anymore. Im a nurse and basically I’m overworked. I do everyone else’s job while they all sit back and do the bare minimum. My managers don’t care about how I feel and the things myself and another employee has brought to their attention. The income is great, best I’ve ever had, but it’s effecting my mental health for the worse. I come home so angry. I argue with my husband and my mom just because I’m so fucking sad. I am so so miserable but can’t quit. I’ve never stayed at a job this long, but I need to to be able to take care of muSelf and those closest to me😩",2.8537754668930404,4.100415213709681,4.536010186757217,85.78980475382005,74.28225806451613,7.6404074702886255,27.16553480475382,8.20500826718156,1.6974806451612907,935,35,198,15,19,316,143,248,0.17300000000000001,0.7240000000000001,0.10300000000000001,-0.9488,8,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,2,5,15,15,3,3,11,0,16,2,0,6,5,42,42,23,0,4,9,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,7,14,0,0,5,1,2,5,7,10,0,0,7,1,29,5,26,32,4,30,0,6,0,1,7,11,1,0,12,125,36,8,0.10338539797111716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102701435974483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030561585671863,0.1084086041116248,0.0,0.0,0.10253053430220127,0.0,0.0,0.08507737352342648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971339846330552,0.07949698944002206,0.0,0.1260455580292444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849659679851073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021028956719344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21081660701426988,0.0,0.0,0.08905736598336493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254482773353905,0.0,0.11356400506698106,0.0,0.2131716113412616,0.17809138356083112,0.0,0.0,0.10801573641954333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863652338803549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828508030901248,0.09351801139061217,0.0,0.09878917824529893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05227476359783286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557813449418938,0.0,0.0,0.058756304184417074,0.0,0.08268674719334476,0.11398276624567386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005567858391788,0.0,0.1020716765514256,0.0,0.10989384352413466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074079673902643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167397083217057,0.0,0.5129702742886328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149282385569364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20703166783947813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418816464977164,0.0,0.0,0.1210837285837211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665896260396235,0.07973719242294186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996309670246207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17658112995823336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317671680567979,0.1101950783723021,0.0,0.0,0.11842762407311686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23319885840825186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868466453112508,0.06624518850048729,0.0,0.0820764577280502,0.0,0.0,0.09799726873933204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060979386346662286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583929969320536,0.0932892410989546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505316020742407,0.0,0.10535855299421694,0.07344202044670313,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Specialist-Gur,2020/01/10,Does anyone else get obsessions about their sexual orientation? I do have ocd so it’s definitely related to that.. but I’m starting to think it’s also related to BPD. I am bisexual.. leaning more towards heterosexual most of the time. I get obsessed about picking the ‘right’ side.. because it’ll be the answers to all my problems. Maybe I should be a lesbian.. I wouldn’t be in pain anymore.. I would find the perfect person and everything would make sense. Maybe I’m not traumatized.. maybe I don’t have CPTSD and BPD traits.. maybe I can’t make a relationship work because I’m with the wrong gender,2.9863157894736863,5.635702280701758,4.469385964912281,79.93986842105264,78.82456140350877,7.659649122807018,28.798245614035093,8.59863814320734,2.587961403508772,476,22,87,11,12,158,73,114,0.141,0.795,0.064,-0.823,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,2,4,6,0,2,7,0,14,2,0,3,2,19,23,5,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,10,1,10,15,3,6,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,2,53,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222275125643105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157206674363966,0.10686636002096267,0.15659836045536246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186334596463112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38498273388132653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374765735999325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767471742085867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735898147707573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968917202057235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970081736305533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20403819531666872,0.0,0.6141765010147864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262808983049362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345034420421675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624324027200658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408847510963132,0.0,0.1305209565026232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817798111789208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793102319398796,0.0,0.0,0.08911979660503917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126629833691393,0.0,0.0,0.2171403650765222,0.16710197826967382,0.0,0.0 bpd,bluhbluhsharpievag,2020/01/10,"DAE have a FP that's outside of your sexual orientation? Hey everyone! Throwaway account because I reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally don't want my FP to see this. Basically, I'm a lesbian and my FP is a man. I do have a girlfriend who I love to death, but I knew my FP before I knew her. I'm in love with my girlfriend but with my FP we have a really intense friendship- he has mental health issues as well but not BPD and we bonded over that. A lot of the times I find myself worrying if I'm bi instead of a lesbian because of how much I want his attention and approval. Does anyone else deal with something like this?",2.809445676274944,4.833564756097561,4.120502586844052,85.43667405764968,76.23577235772358,6.749150036954916,27.4419807834442,7.686295010490155,1.6791528455284563,487,20,95,7,11,160,76,123,0.063,0.737,0.2,0.9651,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,2,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,8,0,7,6,0,1,0,21,17,9,1,3,5,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,18,4,12,15,2,3,0,0,1,5,14,2,0,2,2,63,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638845396547498,0.2145127042419329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552462111665915,0.0,0.17814881312828626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636799232482253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21583960186248705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18321118805387307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489230932963554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20005118661558266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913500368478693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225384823443095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21851606446515245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022820738907808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798925944562302,0.3779087576731521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21098430354114592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390271584616175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412052866598895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683175886992652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611745369862102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207872748889526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469703425905431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18823859252895808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126138978078359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nottoberevealed1,2020/01/10,"Does anyone else’s significant other tell them they ‘don’t love them’? All my partner does is tell me how much I don’t love them. It’s not that I don’t, I am just not affectionate; the thought of it makes me cringe with anyone. He’ll say things like ‘you just don’t really like me’ and when I don’t say something like ‘that’s not true I love you’ he’ll say I fucked up on an opportunity to reassure him. I kindly let him know he refuses to reassure me on other aspects of life but apparently it’s not the same (e.g. me wanting to see proof he insured our car, him saying no because I should just trust him) ANYWAY i kinda envy those who can love out loud - I’m just tired of being like this AND constantly reminded... anyone else had this problem? How did you overcome it or does bpd (coupled with affection phobia -lol-)and romance just not work?",1.943622291021676,4.158242818713453,3.514227726178192,87.78318885448917,79.87719298245614,6.596628826969385,22.92432060543517,7.724431198458867,1.081279738562091,666,22,138,11,17,220,98,171,0.11599999999999999,0.65,0.23399999999999999,0.9677,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,1,3,4,2,9,18,1,0,3,0,13,7,0,4,3,32,26,7,0,3,12,0,0,4,1,3,2,5,0,1,13,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,11,2,0,0,3,6,27,16,12,18,3,7,0,0,1,5,31,4,1,2,6,90,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637473296523927,0.25765762889864136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664596577969242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835692355006156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358732302483382,0.0,0.0,0.13912171028000495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300906615425268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21006838682924425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623858135530354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130932076817852,0.06909983544755778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285710076865858,0.08880927923002575,0.24570811999844794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4539175187138475,0.0,0.08392807794599501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242857896486252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120309965000177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054809043788964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3999532571509081,0.0,0.0,0.10019330921989364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679577996431188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21979321660952544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353174089674545,0.0,0.0,0.0998183429658496,0.0,0.1445121455051646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416086742395996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153547496427944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chickennugtits,2020/01/10,"Gotta LOVE America’s Health Care Systems! 21 F, here. I don’t know if anybody is even able to help me out with this one, but here it goes: I used to be on Medicaid when I worked in the fast food industry, but now that I work at a “real” full time job I make too much to stay on it. So, my health care provider dropped me & I’m health insurance-less. This is petrifying to me because I’ve never had to deal with policy plans and all of that stuff, it’s so overwhelming and I actually cried for an hour at work whilst on the phone with NYS Health. I called my parents, and they promised they’d help me through this situation, but it doesn’t distract my kind from the fact that I feel screwed. This is MAJOR to me, at the worst timing, too (I’m not in the best financial position rn). A woman at my new job also is trying to help me out. So thank God for that. I’m just... defeated? And pissed? And so many other emotions. I’m verklempt. This particularly upsets me because I also have ADHD and I NEED my Addy to function... do you know how expensive that shit is without Medicaid? And what if I want to start meds for BPD? fml. Idk what I’m going to do. Fuck the health care system. (Here’s some background info:) -Worked fast food for 2 years whilst in college -Was on my parents’ insurance until some weird glitch happened, but it worked out bc Medicaid was perfect for me -The cutoff for Medicaid in NYS is like, an annual income of $16K? -I’ve worked at my new job for exactly a year now. I’m only making $27K, though. -The insurance my job offers is far too expensive for me to use. No way.",1.142187948350074,3.28922135365854,2.994304160688668,90.7773816355811,82.41463414634147,6.541750358680058,22.147058823529417,7.724431198458867,0.9553662840746048,1236,41,271,22,34,412,175,328,0.153,0.718,0.129,-0.9158,7,0,0,0,0,0,57.0,0,1,2,10,19,20,4,3,13,0,17,12,2,5,5,41,42,23,0,4,9,2,1,1,0,1,5,0,0,1,19,13,2,0,4,0,2,1,6,10,0,1,3,1,31,10,44,36,8,42,0,2,0,3,14,18,4,4,19,166,50,11,0.08532644718306277,0.0,0.08326630396268826,0.0,0.10254580807237326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647105796939804,0.0,0.09245116987383543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402842046269077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954484209517183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074656732331809,0.0,0.08712784264261855,0.0,0.2609879988382061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372709560930388,0.0,0.08796782037401482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959807684551322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563573136315238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04314361546863405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063541572552189,0.0,0.0,0.07888292548868926,0.0,0.0,0.048492986282881546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545389544906317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4534901165552149,0.0,0.0,0.1715775568274805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402936277141171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386933309696078,0.0,0.0,0.08885436435370528,0.0937863677848764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04168619208831893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701044994963159,0.0,0.11391213213083072,0.08650762492817413,0.0,0.0,0.09477844734979717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627247564663952,0.06326847941875458,0.06580901627619222,0.16481762878429726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05781940887705316,0.0648946080396868,0.0,0.0,0.18948984378512185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712017723093276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758637185942017,0.0,0.09591050167175587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603944984889853,0.09094663965209568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097678367850975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855712859644351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383280113132402,0.0,0.09950907505911114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05793105666220584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738930869902084,0.0,0.0,0.05032774928058669,0.06772816215471635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225165020310414,0.0,0.3727120186941056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989486889686458 bpd,mortalscumbro,2020/01/10,"abandoned by best friend I met this girl a few years back, we instantly clicked and became best friends, everything went so well until my father became sick last year in september. She had her own issues going on so I didn’t blame her for that, then she started dating a guy she only knows because of me, from there on the abandonment began. My father who was also my best friend forever passed away in february 2019, She was one of the first people I texted when it happened and she was the last one to reply to me, again I was upset but I didn’t fault her. she started messaging me less and less, from talking daily, we went to talking every few days. Everytime I brought it up, it was brushed off, I was told I’m being selfish for wanting to be part of her life and have her be part of mine. I was told that I want her live to revolve around me which really wasn’t true at all, then came all the excuses about how her mental wellbeing is so horrible that she doesn’t even have a minute to herself, all the while posting conversations with everyone but me across social media, being on facetime to her boyfriend daily but still leaving me in delivered for days if not weeks. She has not spoken to me since early November despite me reaching out every now and again. I’m not sure whether it was shortly before or shortly after new years I had sent her a message on Snapchat asking where I went wrong causing her to not want to speak to me anymore, she saved the messages and left me on opened (read). I have been using her netflix account for a year because she offered me to use it. Earlier today, as I was watching something, she changed her password, it sent me on a spiral and I feel so broken. At that point I deemed the friendship to be over. My heart hurts and I just feel like absolute shit, wondering if i could have prevented this.",7.594342874730687,6.438786072022163,7.39842566943675,77.74066097260699,63.62603878116344,10.238288704216684,35.845029239766085,9.150863307647796,3.0709758694983083,1456,57,279,20,18,464,194,361,0.122,0.7879999999999999,0.09,-0.9521,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,2,0,0,4,19,19,1,1,13,0,28,4,2,4,5,48,55,27,0,6,12,2,2,1,3,0,2,1,0,2,14,15,0,3,4,2,1,9,8,8,1,3,26,6,60,11,47,23,13,62,0,3,2,0,50,24,1,4,29,217,74,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041461831452211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972455839061077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951618298156316,0.0940063110067344,0.0,0.09447569729521872,0.07732137766806746,0.0,0.12259604123895253,0.0,0.08556577251872034,0.0,0.31658203898728765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150093062458125,0.0,0.103298738971994,0.10637494311754024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028580509386357,0.0,0.0,0.1297006370070056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641630734521065,0.0,0.16944557907598962,0.09608559285613964,0.09037327301179833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168829705699753,0.07183724564908975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553290504025654,0.0,0.0,0.23306801063310725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05714830735383763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995662759434326,0.0889213624216331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915937593484673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764730645528547,0.0,0.0,0.10495436671950804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05526296257055019,0.1639331657776172,0.0,0.10647431325361592,0.10925441735808396,0.0,0.0710256955348497,0.04912659542098228,0.0,0.0887928139499644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013368240001813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711763730274477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627873236132226,0.0764773896213527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21778475585597468,0.0,0.06971288780937136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505794792094674,0.0,0.09630487743615528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058323870451856,0.0,0.06441876566228077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032193164972522,0.08318098449915146,0.0,0.0,0.10250420601941906,0.0,0.0774129421656103,0.0,0.0,0.14234814667818485,0.0,0.08030417290843199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477286524198224,0.0,0.0,0.16164625071952066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953153557135621,0.19217118571227929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736962426909705,0.0,0.0,0.17793164979793089,0.0,0.08065997926541776,0.0,0.0904119444005406,0.2796493328572788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904872164856827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994222977328327,0.0,0.25901913764154844 bpd,pinkshirtonhanger,2020/01/10,"Light therapy for winter season? Do any of you get more symptomatic in the winder, and have you tried to use a light box or other type of light therapy? Any results?",3.0377083333333315,5.3122831875,4.057500000000001,84.97083333333336,76.5,8.016666666666666,23.166666666666664,8.841846274778883,1.7890916666666667,130,4,25,3,3,42,26,32,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,4,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,5,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,15,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4648399032258684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17856427751180848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7817031394047117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320440199564332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29518542954036137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kelbaez,2020/01/11,"Identity disturbance and anxiety? I realized that most of my anxiety (social/general) along with depression stems from my identity disturbance. Sometimes I’m confused by my own personality. I never feel genuine with my thoughts actions or emotions. I cringe at everything I do think and say. It’s so absurd. I dissociate and fantasize about how my life would be like if I was more certain of who I was. I listen to music to cope with how I feel. I don’t feel like myself because I don’t know who I am. I’m always trying new things and find myself copying people to see if it feels “like me.” I have friends but I isolate myself all the time because I feel fake around them. I don’t feel happy at all and I feel on edge around everyone including friends and family. I also feel like a burden, even though most of the time they reach out and decide to hang out with me. I never respond to texts because I don’t wanna bore them or put they under the weather with my responses. I almost never reach out to anyone and I find it hard to believe people. I’m always suspicious of them or think they have bad intentions with me. It’s hard. Sometimes I want all their attention. Sometimes none. It’s painfully lonely. My thinking is very black and white most of the time. It’s hard for me to tell whether I’m supposed to react strong to some things or not. I dont know if how I feel sometimes is valid or not. Some days I think “this is nothing I’ll get through this.” Other times all I think about is ending my life. I know my thoughts are abnormal but I don’t see a solution to it. I’m on Zoloft 50 mg. I’ve been on it for about a month but don’t see any change. I’ve been in CBT since October. It helped me understand where most of my problems come from (CPTSD-childhood neglect/trauma) but that’s about it. Nothing’s changed. My emotions fluctuate and my thoughts are still shitty thoughts. I research treatments for my symptoms along with medications but I’m afraid of the side effects or permanent effects. Are there any medications that helped with these symptoms if anyone has them? Are mood stabilizers a good idea like Lamictal? Or atypical antipsychotics like Abilify? Any types of therapy or meditation practices? I’m losing hope and I feel myself getting worse. I’m also going to try DBT. Thank you and I appreciate any feedback or comments <3",2.831324370709382,5.3141666995614045,3.957665903890163,84.34431350114419,78.27631578947368,7.1231121281464524,27.45690312738368,8.18289091462,2.0756626239511817,1869,80,350,36,46,606,207,456,0.11199999999999999,0.757,0.131,0.8654,0,2,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,1,8,4,17,28,0,4,9,0,26,8,0,7,8,106,68,38,0,9,21,0,13,6,2,1,8,2,0,1,21,28,0,0,31,0,0,5,13,13,0,0,8,20,63,14,54,58,13,31,0,3,5,0,21,14,0,22,18,233,84,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186462397169611,0.0,0.0,0.11478463131105746,0.1194323516388862,0.0,0.0,0.19521700810110426,0.0,0.10980363691955528,0.0,0.0,0.10036278522993476,0.0,0.0,0.12777629584366626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05992273095314045,0.13124611254232982,0.0,0.0,0.08085721579752872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184065885538767,0.061821208465298365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046283996963801616,0.0,0.06181310455018445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411078767163571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145719515920762,0.06356456132831102,0.0,0.0,0.04740165103964148,0.0,0.0,0.06857676863650923,0.06449985736709925,0.0,0.06765586077045448,0.0,0.3628772333620853,0.15381180553480628,0.0,0.0,0.13118809668166914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089453730202167,0.0,0.0749909458453967,0.0,0.040787033049167726,0.060195039589537626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763976676538709,0.19286831957550835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962082700646589,0.0,0.0,0.07128116167824229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101659100776372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832435911727425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138278893138572,0.21037138251068166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028929578650061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459608894753032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728400587439544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660541901543688,0.0693133439245797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377253960990378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636550944942222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950887403991722,0.0626644728593799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867165173338954,0.0,0.07214599870374967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570722690856521,0.0,0.0,0.17156783405483214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0593666850502331,0.0,0.0,0.07315776498342765,0.0,0.0,0.2839189363276273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057313490216300285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491874904120429,0.0,0.0,0.06272781820004925,0.06607372417981898,0.08207220757018258,0.0,0.09535806314192838,0.2299280673131847,0.07051104690483165,0.2279010050329505,0.1673924517435144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745062549339012,0.0,0.0,0.07471233167306356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059215571363439565,0.04233023640208655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313705044313024,0.0509814590406415,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,c4ndyf10ss,2020/01/11,"Manic episodes in BPD? I’ve heard many people say that people with BPD don’t have manic episodes, just highs. I’m diagnosed with BPD and told I do not have bipolar. I often go through phases of being severely depressed and suicidal, periods of some normality and then the really big highs which are rarer, all whilst having extreme mood swings every other hour on top of that. For over a week now I’ve been in a “manic” episode and I’ve completely redecorated my house. Painted, wallpapered, all by myself. The thing is, I’m mostly wheelchair bound due to health issues, it’s not so bad inside the house but I won’t go outside without my wheelchair due to pain, fatigue, dizziness and passing out. I have so much energy and I just need to do ALL THE THINGS even though I’ve extremely overworked myself and I’m in pain so bad I could cry. I fully dislocated my knee because I’ve been so focused on keeping myself busy, I popped it back and got straight back up to painting. It still feels strange and I keep tripping over and almost falling which I assume is from the dislocation. Anyway I’ll get to the point, does anyone else get like this with BPD? Or does it sound like I could possibly have bipolar too? I’m taking quetiapine, sertraline and have been on lamotrigine for a month. I know you guys aren’t psychiatrists but I’m untested to see if anyone else has this and if it’s “normal” with bpd. Thanks if you actually took the time to read this.",4.038304193099183,5.945532174377228,4.880120686987468,81.8350595698592,72.45195729537366,7.591582856258705,27.519882407550675,8.321376580360154,1.9472496054463881,1155,43,216,19,23,374,156,281,0.092,0.8059999999999999,0.102,0.6017,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,0,1,15,10,0,0,10,0,21,8,1,0,3,46,42,24,1,8,11,0,1,2,0,1,7,3,0,1,15,17,0,3,3,1,0,6,6,6,0,0,7,5,20,3,30,31,6,35,0,2,1,0,6,16,0,9,15,138,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.08991846896599298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226810226155223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885733228767726,0.1888231896823646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170486246942435,0.15387144221483506,0.05616963796752227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5802556582706847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661038950472366,0.0,0.0,0.14713769092310713,0.0,0.10121497576732066,0.0,0.0,0.07936280100744303,0.09352340588634224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127026618811008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394763594650113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06085971294046734,0.0,0.07763461801629074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046590369260721284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962820352706325,0.0,0.10473420518579796,0.0,0.073695332500089,0.0,0.0,0.091236252280226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794391015632667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947086943903867,0.0,0.0,0.09074248872604107,0.2126417571170758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961735586592862,0.0,0.16380221536450418,0.0,0.0,0.050639491605611014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003302395368894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341873984116554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354782116513636,0.0,0.0677358523112827,0.06832301342077222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805615394377204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19609371748497373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277609825032012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710510497232407,0.10387761043686833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921681327804342,0.0,0.05902929179437968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327596902709417,0.0,0.0,0.07342619860549197,0.0,0.0,0.10409558568208116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358567656774813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078970264356628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928021717455476,0.0,0.0,0.08483307644977367,0.0,0.0,0.12243169218986373,0.0,0.09053022372936187,0.0,0.05372943947137865,0.0,0.0,0.0880467739427998,0.1023744828355048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391171506061398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888227542740898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Deeeeeevvvv,2020/01/11,Very close To sinking myself down in the tub and never coming back up. What am I supposed to do from here. Everything’s messed up,1.5621794871794847,4.078534961538466,2.7669230769230784,90.66141025641028,84.0,5.005128205128205,20.2051282051282,6.42735559955562,0.29945128205128224,103,3,20,1,3,33,24,26,0.094,0.9059999999999999,0.0,-0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,7,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159971597263611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.466025337094584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4862177320413844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4172541099499645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4463833252529436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kattykake,2020/01/11,"So I tried to quit smoking.. Today was my date. I set it months ago. I was prepared. I smoked my last smoke last night and woke up this morning with a burning rage. It’s like I was just radiating with anger. This feeling stayed for hours, but I didn’t buy a new pack. I yelled at my boyfriend, broke up with him and blocked him on everything, but I didn’t buy a new pack. Then, the sadness set it. I sobbed, unblocked my boyfriend and begged him to take me back. He did. I still didn’t buy a pack. Then, my boyfriend told me that he didn’t want to see me today. The anger came back. I caved, I bought a pack. The mood swings are just unbearable and I get violent and then depressed. I feel defeated.",0.33696078431372456,2.5923652777777804,1.2343627450980428,101.2998529411765,87.19444444444444,4.777124183006537,20.27614379084968,6.2272716619740125,-0.185037091503268,536,17,129,5,17,165,78,144,0.252,0.7090000000000001,0.039,-0.9889,0,0,2,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,6,11,4,0,8,0,9,0,0,0,0,17,19,11,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,9,0,1,2,0,4,1,4,9,0,0,12,4,25,1,11,7,0,25,0,5,1,0,6,4,1,0,18,75,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438050737401542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025312423002736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249953980644581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943474177812154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17679934954322754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19893519595653644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277813772236724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937296812918554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207062897263997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610750862778934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702011432647947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37998701456920253,0.0,0.18460849627779224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20923605086756192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676045757638807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20967746194024495,0.15710093330319158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790903998211932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729353232440554,0.18797449457455295,0.0,0.13356004108468386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603061723540263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,moods-,2020/01/11,"My psychiatrist cancelled our appointment today with about two hours’ notice due to some inclement weather. Do you think I should charge the office the $125 late notice cancellation fee? 😅😂 In all seriousness though, I hope you all are having a good day, staying safe, and being strong in spite of all the shit that we have to go through with our mental illness.",7.40186567164179,7.9706515373134375,6.793246268656716,76.19195895522391,63.47761194029851,9.088059701492536,31.67537313432836,8.841846274778883,2.5275402985074624,291,10,51,4,4,90,56,67,0.11900000000000001,0.677,0.204,0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,3,2,0,1,2,7,2,0,4,0,6,2,1,0,3,12,9,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,8,4,9,7,4,9,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,2,5,35,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978802003926176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081064043149866,0.2078136466848296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460866916825005,0.243998757219662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794898730245756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496889890090748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5641645146216131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25432735865454503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640846760766525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875789922016362,0.2434279948775873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23485238500386674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420305428809276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wanderingsoul28,2020/01/11,"It goes from okay to hell so quick Little before midnight, sobbing from nothing but self-hatred, trying to cope by physical pain, is just another reminder that good days never stay good. Sending love to everyone <3",6.594122807017541,8.941619289473685,6.118421052631582,73.75728070175441,66.63157894736842,8.224561403508767,33.719298245614034,8.841846274778883,3.3497087719298246,175,8,25,3,3,54,34,38,0.166,0.557,0.278,0.7924,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,3,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,6,1,1,0,1,2,1,2,0,3,14,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895055895623105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349331897197379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805591806040885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638168762032295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4631442286706706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767158123916075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491829956768884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129384756091681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649168551910799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29378039463190875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28802322892563553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942763758694816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18744773275909246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,FloreFukzy,2020/01/11,"Became abusive myself after emotionally abusive relationship So the reason I post this here, is because I posted this in r/LifeAfterNarcissism and people there thought I had BPD. I did however go to a diagnostical center and they were thinking of PTSD. Can you guys please read my story and tell me what you think from your experiences? Thank you so much for helping. I’m a 22 F and severely ashamed of my situation. I lost my BF whom I love with my whole heart just before 2020. It ended up in him saying that he does not want to deal with me anymore, that I have a part of me that is absolute trash and that he is done trying and does not want to contact me anymore and just wants to find someone else to love to repair what I broke. That crushed me. So I went no contact for 2 weeks now, even though it is very hard because I have so much anxiety about people leaving me. And have send him a loving message stating that I still want to try my absolute best to improve to get him back, even though I already told him when he broke up but he wasn’t interested then. But who knows... right? Since I have send the message today and he did not respond but saw it anyway, I started scrolling through old convo’s. And I can’t believe... what a monster I actually became. I threatened with suicide or shared suicidal thoughts when having extreme anxiety attacks. Putting him on trail: ‘If you do this, I’m going to die.’ And even though I actually felt like that in the moment, reading all of it back makes me feel like a ansolute failure. I have hurt the person who I loved the most time and time again because I was so filled with anger and pain and I could not cope. So in stressful situations, I turned into a manipulative version of myself. My first boyfriend was very emotionally abusive and used the same tactics. He completely isolated me, told me I was the most amazing person ever, then proceeded to tell how what an absolute crazy bitch I was who deserved all the bad karma in the world, talked me up about how he loved my red hair, then blocked me everywhere one day without answers and proceeded to date my then BFF (who colored her hair red which was weird and funny). That relationship left me with many scars and I started drinking because of it, as well as trying to find love in the wrong places. But I thought that after some years, I escaped the trauma. I recognize today that I never did and could not cope with my emotions which made me have extreme anxiety attacks, anger issues, no impulse control, manipulative behaviour to get what I wanted... Also towards my parents. I would say towards the people who support me most and were closest to me. I turned into the monster that I had despised so many years. How can I ever make up to my now ex BF? How can I try to repair the relationship and gain back his trust? But most importantly, how can I grow as a person from this and make sure I NEVER EVER EVER use that behaviour as a coping mechanism? I acknowledge that I am just very anger and sad towards the world and this makes me lash out the way I do, but it made me lose the one guy I truly loved. So how on earth can I actively work on myself, love myself and stop myself from doing what I did?",5.12539835164835,6.0852163108974375,5.729606227106228,80.44634615384616,68.58333333333334,8.314652014652015,31.04304029304029,8.491030156203081,2.3299155677655685,2534,101,482,37,42,821,275,624,0.193,0.6729999999999999,0.134,-0.9907,2,0,1,0,0,1,63.0,0,5,1,7,43,39,7,2,27,0,39,13,3,18,9,106,85,61,2,9,17,2,5,2,2,1,1,2,0,5,38,34,1,3,13,3,0,8,12,20,1,3,26,11,90,19,63,56,14,77,1,6,4,8,63,26,1,7,41,360,128,3,0.0,0.19892884989069687,0.10922793433909256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06175899556980907,0.044755354356029495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843968631823527,0.0,0.11100489046192058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733700056399974,0.0,0.12910136475294826,0.04672860865007577,0.13646347848932974,0.0,0.04762226756887016,0.06305362144612718,0.05873203004878556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048621675870341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05867845283980019,0.0,0.06276973641789818,0.08936732479860769,0.0,0.0,0.03609292744975323,0.05769766910797181,0.0,0.0,0.05808304720169854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795105637699922,0.05727183559472428,0.0,0.05482459489200248,0.0,0.0,0.04675174762256712,0.18885996932199525,0.049568560429048975,0.0,0.0,0.11089347058619556,0.20249492858458013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05474470953870447,0.0,0.0,0.02829768930100878,0.03998155375694338,0.05373537348085892,0.0,0.1023023672632655,0.0476039749290956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05847901964696616,0.0,0.06361263163532033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082870391374618,0.0,0.0,0.05013383114714527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631903759026242,0.03751229733060618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599119096360662,0.0,0.0,0.05841313398233178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03075701314573437,0.0,0.0,0.059259071538985374,0.0608063591708866,0.0,0.0,0.054683544670243056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261074924191083,0.06109263253042607,0.0,0.4040862615586552,0.1059112606307718,0.14942883611584182,0.11347986791535243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228173048028001,0.0,0.08632763274754256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05872606846673001,0.0,0.07584694283029411,0.0,0.059550924142897366,0.0,0.06214273730752121,0.06060486343137497,0.0,0.11639767976839717,0.14659997543165018,0.05847172781756229,0.06143298924268462,0.0,0.0,0.10719839268554347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542032994805058,0.05626048889081397,0.0,0.0,0.11196070030179764,0.0,0.0,0.057541551908128624,0.0,0.18025705788272367,0.0,0.04779397942783136,0.0,0.08901155486257045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322475198155295,0.0,0.046294996046391965,0.12581447092603432,0.0,0.0,0.04741913672791249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922492054352899,0.0,0.04469388514321515,0.04678941747943074,0.06410795343733816,0.0,0.0,0.12243370187465855,0.06350865161100636,0.05274654355320312,0.0,0.0,0.04498271199261072,0.09783211217243706,0.05152524175952961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172048739599708,0.1649565897905894,0.13329036459642826,0.06526752239159621,0.0,0.10609694132593044,0.1069543037552192,0.0,0.15198680263577244,0.1217481448268825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667193670608272,0.0,0.1385314662509278,0.16504864009328235,0.04442257489931183,0.044891911819493625,0.0,0.05031944060018111,0.05188030588543923,0.0,0.062483152941354626,0.0,0.053948460662385636,0.0,0.04074333590727655,0.0,0.0,0.039756076033700065,0.06118916629001413,0.0,0.07207951447832206 bpd,jessie_317,2020/01/11,"How do you deal without a FP? Personally, my FP is ALWAYS the person that I'm seeing/in a relationship with. The problem is that I have pretty much always found someone to move onto in a very short period of time (after breaking up/ending things with someone else). So for the last 6ish years, I haven't really gone through a period of not having a FP. However, now I'm scared that the current person I'm seeing is about to leave. So basically, I feel like I'm about to face a period of time without a FP and I'm really really scared. I just feel so lonely without someone and feel like I always need someone to lean on because I don't do well by myself. I also am so scared of feeling like I have no one that actually cares about me/loves me. It just makes me feel completely invisible/worthless. Genuinely, I feel like the WHOLE purpose of my life is to have/find someone to love me. I just don't know how I'm going to cope without someone. Like legitimately, if someone told me that I'd never find someone again, I would not want to live. And the horrible part of this guy leaving me is that I've idealised him so much that I already feel like I'll never find someone as good which is making me feel super down. Sorry if this is all over the place, I'm just kind of panicking and was wondering if anyone else feels like this and how they cope when they aren't dating someone/don't have a FP.",4.718431142410015,5.118720334507042,6.1027699530516415,79.410696400626,69.24647887323944,8.846322378716746,28.805946791862286,8.841846274778883,2.1576219092331765,1101,37,219,18,18,374,134,284,0.10800000000000001,0.757,0.134,0.8877,2,2,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,2,1,20,18,0,3,15,0,20,3,1,5,3,46,49,19,0,7,13,0,9,7,0,1,1,0,0,4,13,7,0,0,14,0,0,3,13,5,1,1,4,10,25,13,34,44,5,26,0,1,1,1,12,7,0,4,22,143,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.06831219601596131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724933436928959,0.055980854312259534,0.17474268987671446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048947271025370616,0.07172568046515053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04267278305677267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713720616302687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339613252891393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216934945472467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695596248362015,0.0,0.062001304643299886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185576252124899,0.3000581586158779,0.0,0.0,0.191942640158962,0.0,0.0,0.07675396400603311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03978394892896815,0.0587146502644729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931333263565281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289667567475869,0.03847146105233872,0.05706125865355863,0.0,0.1482447630338909,0.0,0.0,0.049444730292841306,0.2393972871019487,0.0,0.06181335789304944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317985429729127,0.0,0.0934542249191742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440142007040819,0.10291956421425598,0.051905855814405724,0.10798025625086706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04743540429639061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580572378842347,0.0,0.0,0.18337005672069728,0.07313755691222819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121755664145697,0.0,0.06698279529515334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453589450903894,0.0,0.0,0.07515632666589774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21025369423442167,0.0,0.05578281002251362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5338148788400068,0.0,0.0,0.07836190007990752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04650645107515623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163786690773568,0.0,0.0,0.06689024567831903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05775927030737577,0.04128919995582085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294051994102101,0.0,0.0,0.07815512427753503,0.0,0.2699190709283084,0.0759145628929038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049727661248420936,0.0,0.0,0.04507921853115368 bpd,ParticularProblem0,2020/01/11,"experiences with bpd + quitting caffeine i've drank coffee daily for the past decade, at some points averaging 5 cups a day. the past two weeks i made the choice to quit to see if it would help my BPD-related symptoms/the near constant anxiety i experienced. i've noticed a huge reduction in my mood swings/emotional dysregulation/generalized anxiety. my heart no longer feels like it's pounding constantly, i haven't experienced the drastic mood shifts i was having on almost a daily basis. can't say i feel great because i feel an almost total lack of motivation and my energy is very low, but i wouldn't trade it back for what i was feeling before. has anyone else had a significant caffeine habit and then managed to completely cut it out? and did you notice an impact on your BPD symptoms?",6.3140939597315455,7.548132523489933,7.168651006711412,70.20545973154364,66.04697986577182,10.25530201342282,33.020805369127515,10.355215969177356,3.652253154362416,642,27,109,16,10,214,104,149,0.096,0.813,0.091,-0.1665,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,3,1,6,1,0,10,0,11,3,1,2,1,20,18,6,0,4,2,0,4,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,5,1,0,5,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,6,8,14,2,13,10,3,17,0,1,1,0,4,9,0,4,9,65,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561193745099672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19566538619775029,0.0,0.0,0.08942109607118004,0.1310346589153164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833669451065866,0.0,0.0779583203191541,0.0,0.10882184832328554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4832050706891505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340863848102833,0.27639938250486834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247610365886614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683261945210702,0.14385490923391106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509737108397334,0.0,0.0,0.2586526858310957,0.0913620203484696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409951312966039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154591786619187,0.08571951187468546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624788014900692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100913846051088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911988707110401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24416394696967206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089391921650525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27204570950537443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017003433138312,0.0,0.0,0.10190884822890504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329228646075331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492636267946873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551961633325806,0.0,0.0,0.10258270066410334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084678023388286,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Direct_Rutabaga,2020/01/11,"Do you like do nothing? I don't know what I want to? I don't know what I want to, I don't know if it's an compulsive reaction or whatever, I keep re-thinking stuff and I end up doing nothing cause I'm always worried it may be compulsive /some sort of manic decision etc etc. Therefore I suppress all the emotions as-well to it, it feels so weird. Idk what to think of all of it and I just sit being ok.. :/",-0.7309090909090905,1.3475304545454598,2.145909090909093,93.92636363636365,91.04545454545456,5.4727272727272736,21.63636363636364,6.980632752743323,0.6552136363636367,312,12,72,5,11,109,54,88,0.142,0.8270000000000001,0.031,-0.7026,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,9,0,0,2,2,22,18,5,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,2,6,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,10,2,8,15,5,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,5,2,49,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807386655758406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21984771878027048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407329892697294,0.1895497669843016,0.0,0.477356521143452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821013091308147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902223512036976,0.0,0.0,0.35284369514333125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455471230556257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4106976622328389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449908024100229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742585533298009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25245785635060264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21733803463156265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,llama1122,2020/01/11,"Ghosted Ugh. Venting because I got ghosted by a guy. He's also borderline so he was super intense and then he just disappeared. He hasn't replied in weeks but I thought he might be out of the country but a friend confirmed that's not the case. Seriously how hard is it to say 'hey I'm not interested anymore' instead of letting me wonder? When he was so into me before???  Maybe this is how dating me is like  It was so casual but I feel just horrible. I don't want to spiral but I'm so sad  We connected so well, I just don't get it, so much better than anyone else I've seen. It was so crazy. I'm now scared that I won't find anyone with that much passion and just.... Everything  I wish these feelings wouldn't be so intense  Idk what changed but maybe dating another borderline would be a bad idea anyway",0.01968181818181592,2.3815672787878803,2.2524621212121225,91.1586931818182,94.3939393939394,5.174242424242425,22.02651515151515,6.816661863887847,0.8360151515151522,631,25,130,10,24,212,98,165,0.185,0.642,0.17300000000000001,-0.489,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,2,20,13,0,1,5,0,18,1,0,2,0,30,30,20,2,4,11,0,3,1,1,4,0,1,0,1,10,6,0,0,6,1,0,1,7,5,1,0,7,5,11,8,10,15,2,10,0,1,1,1,11,3,0,2,7,86,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914909589457794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245595298006728,0.0,0.0,0.1725629298427393,0.24333206748492314,0.17828530328382994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528415068159567,0.10606982073789137,0.0,0.148062630092107,0.0,0.0,0.15389036274412338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18407072583182035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535609217660625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638150744482993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759609744486613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15903440065870764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443328108453298,0.0,0.09090870611753224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916505411737753,0.0,0.0,0.17228903860402595,0.0,0.0,0.1558713449649376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19642673870931585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792852629198008,0.0,0.08500844100846643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496161883011371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845883054705263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255822539441693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837313503058726,0.1742060556276515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813791289647073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026307103499261,0.0,0.13957366738668436,0.0,0.15644842424296024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20009336670404185,0.0,0.188697420244019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236058146785778,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LyiaEylia,2020/01/11,"Struggling with self harm I have a lot of self harm tendencies. BPD has caused me to hurt myself so much and I can’t stop. I stopped cutting for the most part. I try not to scratch myself. But I’m failing at not hitting myself. I don’t know how to stop hitting myself when I’m overwhelmed with emotions. Usually when I’m panicking, angry at myself, or frustrated that another person isn’t listening or understanding me. I either hit my leg or my head. I can hit pretty hard. I’m 31 and I feel so stupid. I feel utterly crazy. I know after I do it that I shouldn’t have done it but I don’t know how to interpret the behavior. Any one struggle with this? Its like I can’t navigate this world and interpersonal relationships without using myself as a punching bag.",1.5082748538011683,4.060110236842108,3.5401754385964916,84.721783625731,84.78947368421052,6.798830409356724,24.891812865497073,7.984000788550335,1.8080295321637416,604,25,117,13,18,204,88,152,0.218,0.738,0.044000000000000004,-0.953,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,1,6,11,3,3,4,0,12,2,2,4,0,32,28,15,0,1,9,0,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,3,7,6,0,3,7,0,0,0,9,10,0,1,1,5,24,1,14,22,5,10,0,3,0,0,5,3,0,5,8,83,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918560913352413,0.16836008519384402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20221840899339685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493829583120084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430757680956826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180607236776401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623668845280419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382930504022992,0.0,0.1647798301159546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17188170401932532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26471704184427297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844100527618747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650149931636507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802932113597367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879891708942767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17386972409526413,0.0,0.0,0.14019390434749485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334620006464404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723802521546367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349960560902342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027034785882455,0.0,0.3357022045416396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900900498821392,0.0,0.0,0.16714755589911506,0.0,0.13867140367269448,0.1768330278985299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477312280976446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,journey1992,2020/01/11,"Who else resonated with Selena Gomez’s new song “Rare” now that you finally broke free from your abusers?! Who else resonated with Selena Gomez’s new song “Rare” now that you finally broke free from your abusers?! Yes to breaking free from people who don’t care about us and don’t recognize our worth! Realizing my worth has been a difficult process but now that I have begun to more and more, I am so done with toxic behaviors and people who do not prioritize or respect me! We are rare and deserve people in our lives who see us that way! https://youtu.be/ia1iuXbEaYQ LYRICS Baby You’ve been so distant from me lately And lately Don’t even wanna call you baby Saw us getting older Burning toast in the toaster My ambitions were too high Waiting up for you upstairs Why you act like I’m not there? Baby right now it feels like- It feels like You don’t care Why don’t you recognize I’m so rare? Always there You don’t do the same for me, That’s not fair I don’t have it all I’m not claiming to But I know that I'm special, yeah And I’ll bet there’s somebody else out there To tell me I’m rare To make me feel rare Baby Don’t make me count up all the reasons to stay with you No reason Why you and I are not succeeding Uh uh Saw us getting older Burning toast in the toaster My ambitions were too high Waiting up for you upstairs Why you act like I’m not there? Baby right now it feels like- It feels like You don’t care Why don’t you recognize I’m so rare? Always there You don’t do the same for me that’s not fair I don’t have it all I’m not claiming to But I know that I'm special, yeah And I’ll bet there’s somebody else out there To tell me I’m rare To make me feel rare I’m not gonna beg for you I’m not gonna let you make me cry Make me cry Not getting enough from you Didn’t you know I’m hard to find? (Hard to find) Saw us getting older Burning toast in the toaster My ambitions were too high- Waiting up for you upstairs Why you act like I’m not there? Baby right now it feels like, It feels like You don’t care Why don’t you recognize I’m so rare? Always there You don’t do the same for me That’s not fair I don’t have it all I’m not claiming to But I know that I'm special, yeah And I’ll bet there’s somebody else out there To tell me I’m rare To make me feel rare",-0.9115098873177204,1.2183490504032264,1.0723630136986309,99.47606164383562,96.80241935483872,4.250066283694212,16.875165709235528,6.043574811120784,-0.4987747127706586,1803,50,426,19,73,589,127,496,0.064,0.7859999999999999,0.151,0.9924,0,0,0,1,2,0,30.0,8,26,0,1,28,24,0,0,8,4,36,0,0,8,4,74,90,19,0,1,19,0,11,9,0,2,0,2,3,0,24,17,0,3,18,2,8,3,32,3,2,0,10,17,61,24,43,77,10,39,0,2,4,0,43,17,0,4,25,238,85,1,0.0,0.14407783008460368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177321758419635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062084336538046576,0.0,0.2479615587212481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357347938500053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062220249616764624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539560131860056,0.0,0.0,0.0628234003485044,0.0,0.040158304392220484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27668405355663955,0.2606162937496909,0.0,0.13320844117677896,0.11114151941190202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706347411407548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893101140650198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19271790744699174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365795005669345,0.0,0.1371717286169112,0.0,0.0,0.06217285906981052,0.0,0.26733746068922043,0.0,0.05368815269886579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435097300406786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744343510052516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645469827876527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250265400395019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577045676804435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048450304667840886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480548136977793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942753650273472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656789203803493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04826078420837651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3840423715594029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sgt_banana,2020/01/11,"BPDs who’ve dated Narcissists. What was it like? malignant or not, I'm trying to piece together why the relationship can be hell and stable at the same time",3.3520000000000003,5.935842200000002,4.830000000000002,78.245,77.0,9.333333333333334,23.333333333333336,9.725611199111238,2.599333333333333,126,4,23,4,3,42,29,30,0.134,0.7290000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,2,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,3,14,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817569841849218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6191830383753524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362909333177333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915560284615857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5204014331215492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Natural-Pirate,2020/01/11,"How to get my BPD EX back? (Recently discarded).. miss her bad... I tried to treat her well. I probably blew like 8k on her and I'm still really young so 8k is a lot of money. But we argued a lot and it was so hard to calm her down during our arguments. We'd literally argue over the dumbest things like somehow I didn't care enough about her if I was 5 minutes late to a hangout or if i was on my phone when we were eating and not paying attention to her she'd think i didnt care about her. Shes now in college living her best life. She's already with a new replacement and we haven't talked for the past 3 months. What are some ways I could get her back to me? I ended up blocking her after she broke up with me bc I was hurt- She said she didn't want me out of her life and she wasn't ruling out getting back together in the future but she needed time to heal and focus on herself but then she moved on 3 weeks later with some new dude and its almost as if I didn't exist to her at all. She deleted all our pics and started posting her out with all the new friends shes made.. Also why might she of cut her hair? I read somewhere that its symbolic of cutting off old memories and replacing them with new...",1.3128286050025153,2.9344560424710484,3.1530904817861334,92.51332549941246,79.3088803088803,6.3576296793688085,21.29947960382743,7.255503002510835,0.4792459627329189,941,26,216,12,23,315,147,259,0.10300000000000001,0.835,0.062,-0.652,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,6,0,1,1,14,17,4,0,8,0,19,5,1,2,3,46,32,23,0,6,8,1,2,2,1,1,3,1,0,0,6,20,1,1,2,2,2,1,7,8,1,0,12,3,50,9,37,16,9,42,0,3,0,0,41,15,0,11,26,155,56,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374419422623087,0.0,0.1363699391111893,0.09882422620576163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850685165472069,0.10318136584910016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968610139677805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564050222768527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25198932206279673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866592331104586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644979440873508,0.0,0.0,0.10945225881949383,0.12768774438376465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547503628443116,0.0,0.19369114430118647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070043218593073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229139162197484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939987745929344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457172710822816,0.12074664732258855,0.0,0.10912047231159623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21012094807970552,0.0,0.11693124240566645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310953286292126,0.0,0.0,0.09863772684275886,0.13134245372632186,0.0,0.09163054225278466,0.0,0.4774045097042925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967293763699825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179679238818476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835229951902952,0.0,0.13323656191161953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236101214255018,0.0,0.07916638545501274,0.0,0.12201706292141752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175497212846249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746821002292457,0.0,0.09868849613548823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932625423861716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209885500214548,0.07918294662161049,0.0,0.0,0.07205855578091029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390045381209517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288872751974743,0.09808941642086566,0.09912575852192004,0.0,0.11111027612162667,0.0,0.1115087324154076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lakers20129,2020/01/11,I really miss my ex with BPD (Discarded 3 months ago) She's already with a new replacement now.. What are some ways I could get her back to me? I ended up blocking her after she broke up with me bc I was hurt- and she moved on 3 weeks later with some new dude..,-1.1085714285714268,0.971909571428572,1.2578571428571443,98.51214285714286,96.14285714285714,4.942857142857143,14.142857142857142,6.6274283507984215,-0.544421428571428,200,4,48,3,8,67,42,56,0.196,0.804,0.0,-0.8655,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,5,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,12,0,9,3,2,15,0,3,0,0,6,3,0,2,10,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352058411718092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928067246967409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20402829535691394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33418351569612936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21185054442483572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350104254975528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862798486537511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840494711581639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117900023758993,0.2820119590863852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5125295638945462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998211029677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106126976135885,0.21283787963136191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,leguinAnarchist,2020/01/11,"I don't want a special day, I want a normal life Todays my birthday. I cut ties with my best (and last) friend about a month ago. My family despite never doing anything for any other of my birthdays i guess cauze its 21 keep asking me what i want, and that i need to do something. I dont want their fake celebration which they wouldnt be so nice to me on any other day. I dont want their anger and frustration cause i tell them i dont want anything from them. I dont want for them to treat me special one day, j wanr them to treat me normal everyday. I'm just so lonely, i cant see a future for myself at all anymore. I really don't know how to come back from losing all my friends. I have no clue how to make new ones. I just want my friends back, my friends back please. i miss them so much, i just want it to be a year ago so i can do things right. Im in physical pain everyday from how lonely i am. I just want to share things with people i love. I dont want to be alone. can anyone help? please. i just need a year ago. thats it. or bring my friends back please. even just for a day, i wanna laugh again. if anyone can help please",-0.05198380566801575,1.8427619595141709,1.8737044534412952,98.54958502024292,85.2753036437247,4.933603238866397,16.787449392712553,6.093298490706669,-0.6261546558704452,872,18,214,7,26,288,116,247,0.158,0.616,0.226,0.9811,0,5,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,8,2,20,23,3,0,7,0,20,3,0,5,3,42,44,12,0,18,8,0,0,0,5,1,2,0,0,0,11,6,0,1,1,0,0,2,11,9,0,2,0,1,45,14,24,40,4,28,0,4,1,1,19,4,0,3,22,139,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20040612936889365,0.0,0.0,0.07805017429365696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249469182447364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473681432020685,0.10538684966896396,0.0,0.12402962514815832,0.0,0.07045137450615582,0.0,0.0,0.23178858002564084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908561156430602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741542102219325,0.0,0.06491591866407109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19440371723155755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4416064637694482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04977453207113065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104264804832855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911145277849388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301747413044759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102436347283787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140167101718633,0.0,0.0,0.06698338053252208,0.0,0.0,0.04141585421960226,0.06142841226559391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05322895688702678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843085006628051,0.0,0.0,0.06801529142947013,0.0,0.050303347593074435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601515880780911,0.0,0.05539822963889615,0.11175688672850327,0.05812223436740704,0.07278310321398028,0.0,0.0,0.14767348877157754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213169635093856,0.0,0.08018829335796164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05224509625329099,0.0,0.0,0.33089035202396233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04827750962988553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435698015209439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005211823666226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058015766406811685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586791240961845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013159600979828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143241501182372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4889417202732838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970586659279662 bpd,jigoflife,2020/01/11,"DAE feel extremely superstitious? This might have been asked before but it’s been on my mind a lot recently. Every single day I’ll have intrusive thoughts such as “if you see a blue car today your partner won’t leave you”, I always make a wish at 11:11 and whenever in conversation with someone if I make a statement such as “yeah I’m seeing my best friend tomorrow!” I immediately knock on wood (or my head) as I believe it won’t jinx it. It’s a constant thing I’m doing literally all the time in my head and I don’t even mean to.",2.73096839959225,4.358572596330276,4.722324159021408,82.77708460754333,75.3302752293578,8.147196738022426,25.87257900101937,8.841846274778883,1.8925465851172265,419,15,88,9,9,144,75,109,0.012,0.8270000000000001,0.161,0.9548,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,1,3,2,0,0,6,1,9,2,2,2,1,18,20,9,0,3,4,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,4,12,2,10,14,4,12,0,0,3,0,7,5,0,5,6,56,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931112621910296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789904554894163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291945118804174,0.21571130325882745,0.20092680569798274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206901630510034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12347668920594222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645837259577924,0.0,0.16131438971850828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680857813296792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479225133450295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39298902864056695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027298552947392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277353723016535,0.0,0.0,0.2556037880436272,0.0,0.0,0.2085574674510076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20311016631462564,0.19332131771195588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18904492022966524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051397100945211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16222452491053235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271983698281855,0.0,0.0,0.15199887333727874,0.11164261459268383,0.0,0.18148291057909974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22017102809473796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gryphonjohnson,2020/01/11,"Self Harm Hmmmm, whenever I tend to get upset. Say my FP is late or something, I get urges to self harm. I’m not too sure why, but I think it’s a way of getting my mind off of things, or at least “knocking it out of me”. It feels like the most direct form of coping. Usually if I wait it’ll pass, but that’s mostly with small things. I suppose my question is whether anyone has similar experiences and what you might use to make yourself feel better that’s more acceptable?",3.415994108983804,4.431712072164949,4.6555228276877765,86.36587628865982,72.60824742268042,8.017083946980852,26.228276877761417,8.418075326091056,1.5801617083946984,369,12,79,6,7,122,72,97,0.08,0.812,0.10800000000000001,0.6916,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,1,7,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,2,1,23,16,7,0,1,7,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,2,9,3,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,3,10,4,11,14,5,8,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,7,3,50,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387179822311075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18197752105628795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20127223352874649,0.0,0.0,0.20807633019916966,0.1469945989743592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225024755294793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23210563255912786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052367859644383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734603695984945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21827827062412944,0.207758398659265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304976848964433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362818076868071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.429303981443412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584036844152492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19392585550880853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733948841270334,0.13184235344016998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777101091990134,0.2266149751538699,0.0,0.0,0.16332228163090756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18566590835564056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kittyskulls,2020/01/11,"DAE experience a complete loss for words during a breakdown? LONG but please read My boyfriend (26) and I (F, 23) have had somewhat of a tumultuous relationship the past three years. I lived with him for two of the years, then dumped him and moved out, but now we're back together but living separately, etc. Looking back at all the ups and downs, I think my BPD (also diagnosed with BP2 and PTSD) are responsible for most of the fights and the on-again, off-again stuff. I have complete ""switches"" overnight from feeling madly in love with him and wanting to get married, and then I wake up the next day and everything about him is super fucking annoying and I dont want him in my life at all. It's to the point I dont want physical touch or contact, even if we had sex and were affectionate 24 hours prior and no event happened that should otherwise make me change so drastically. Because of this, I've had two affair situations in the last year that he's still never found out about during the periods of time I've ""flipped"" to not being able to stand him. And when I have flipped back, I can no longer stand the people I had affairs with and I go back to him and pretend it never happened and blow the other people off. I've been working on fixing myself since last summer. I'm in weekly therapy sessions, I'm on lithium and depakote, I severely limited my alcohol intake, and I've tried to learn to just keep it to myself and wait it out when I feel like I want to leave my boyfriend and end everything because I'm assuming it's a fake feeling and will go away. Even between working two jobs 60-70 hours a week and 7 days a week, I still find time to do some kind of treatment and chill. Now: he can sense when I'm off. He knows I'm off right now and has asked every day the last few days if I still love him and I keep saying yes, but last night I told him I'm in one of those flip moods and I know it will pass so just dont worry about it. What happened next, I really cant tell you. I guess I was disassociating again. I was just numb and couldn't respond to anything he said. I'm sure he needs me to say something and explain more, but I dont have any words. DAE lose all ability to speak and form sentences in situations like that? He ultimately ended up leaving my apartment bc I couldn't speak or say anything and he said it seemed like I was having a ""severe mental break."" Oh and I should mention right before that I started laughing, which was super inappropriate considering how emotional he was. What's wrong with me",5.532449246889327,5.524233420432222,6.049396856581534,81.91088637851999,67.44793713163065,9.0656450556647,30.719122462344465,8.745826893841286,2.188290320890636,1997,70,414,29,30,648,249,509,0.102,0.773,0.125,0.9533,1,0,2,0,1,0,54.0,1,1,0,7,26,22,5,0,19,1,34,9,1,2,6,91,75,48,0,11,13,0,4,3,0,4,4,7,0,0,19,39,1,4,12,2,0,4,12,10,0,5,15,12,50,11,54,53,10,80,0,2,1,4,39,25,1,10,51,260,69,6,0.06940919062008308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417731609009699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05550650466203056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047200629764220736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423569966801775,0.0,0.0648882236777748,0.0,0.06521221939840541,0.21348553285278213,0.0,0.08462239673837403,0.0,0.05906210898924195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741844580208935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734257203458079,0.0,0.1455484316000871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17905274348352102,0.0,0.0,0.07044886742739981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253882178962379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807599722594236,0.1229518823002898,0.0,0.07740959503232513,0.09168823158179527,0.0,0.05848023669126446,0.0,0.12476100999776672,0.06789550700590605,0.0,0.0,0.1052861168710328,0.0495859396475994,0.0,0.0,0.06343874277324542,0.0,0.0,0.0761035949391935,0.0,0.06416767828346971,0.03626343734029673,0.0,0.07889368512963749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646204872936413,0.0,0.18413495411390185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670814268809156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887791167662374,0.1233881555655957,0.0,0.07227899105679451,0.07629095191529152,0.22631101710653725,0.0,0.1469886219414174,0.0,0.0,0.04902576400859618,0.10172947362999543,0.0,0.12257917390570905,0.06142494951892191,0.05828623896951556,0.07765113012050483,0.0,0.0,0.12528900890070974,0.0,0.04633117371010358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994813892918322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737709851115189,0.0,0.0514660353641307,0.10706529349416227,0.0,0.1476349233091156,0.06513582348942687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04703346388814045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625892626049301,0.09623918668766936,0.0,0.0,0.07619044811209627,0.06561412016904683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113562950181043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942797373280886,0.0,0.04446530483512736,0.0,0.0,0.07451949506151376,0.0,0.11855013908835313,0.13204806964883714,0.16559092278603205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318752031363459,0.0,0.1568252577201193,0.0,0.0574159997357177,0.15603767677611974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05343458596558391,0.0,0.0,0.049128182368038335,0.0,0.16629080786611494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945691725663104,0.0,0.0,0.06541734073539814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060666691935867725,0.0,0.07937545854500881,0.0,0.0,0.04447460672906835,0.0,0.0,0.08094611444899116,0.0,0.0,0.06632345610300718,0.0,0.04712428429210437,0.0,0.20340808105789715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375735583137646,0.0,0.16702759805277848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106143486178201,0.07048840227698436,0.0,0.0,0.0758880539057751,0.0,0.13409172926888732 bpd,advicethrows,2020/01/11,"Personal Growth - Milestones and Changes Through Maturity? Hello. I have a very close friend who is 18 and has BPD. He's doing ok, and works hard to move forward. But as you all know it can be really tough sometimes, and even feel hopeless. I'm posting because I can see how strong he is, but I can't give him the experience of someone who has worked to manage their BPD. What are some milestones in your lives that made a big difference in how you dealt with and felt about BPD? What big realizations really changed this ga for you? Also, what hard work did you have to put in to get to those points?",3.9655555555555537,5.4619430508474585,4.223333333333333,88.13569679849344,71.88135593220339,7.617325800376648,26.670433145009408,8.167268648758528,1.4802286252354049,472,16,99,7,9,147,85,118,0.053,0.872,0.075,0.5503,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,5,1,4,5,5,0,0,3,1,13,0,0,3,1,17,21,11,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,9,7,0,0,3,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,3,5,10,3,14,17,2,12,0,1,1,0,15,8,0,1,1,62,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982616630848088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134044241062568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.566150793797446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170195144172107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654982700114695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896722332766676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14657125977621782,0.0,0.0,0.07576308294543949,0.0,0.14386890444759212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576521279616656,0.0,0.07828467492437867,0.14373918886234185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684525628344092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234757662814449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231055141929346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417812517953395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592551068480476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083360482524808,0.0,0.0,0.1416462543161916,0.0,0.1435043093141017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062954579241075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19198135586354015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940225552163992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269580689399221,0.0,0.1481945679222823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363283866842367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272536536444536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SheWhoIsAlwaysHigh,2020/01/11,"My bf said he can’t be my support system, but I’m always his. So after a misunderstanding last night, my bf/fp said that he can’t be my support system/be here for everything. However, I’m always dropping everything to be his. I will literally step off the floor at work to make sure he’s okay and talk to him/help him til things are better. Am I valid to be upset, or am I being selfish like he said and expecting too much from him due to my overthinking/daydreaming tendencies? Starting to think I am as selfish as he says I am. And if so, I really would like to know so I can change my toxic behavior before I lose him.",3.4813178294573635,4.286963953488375,5.550387596899222,80.79829457364346,72.25581395348838,9.144186046511628,26.73643410852713,9.444778638647367,2.1946341085271315,486,16,102,11,9,170,77,129,0.139,0.71,0.151,-0.0817,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,5,11,0,1,2,1,15,0,0,1,1,12,26,12,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,4,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,4,19,7,15,16,1,12,0,1,0,0,16,3,0,2,8,65,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924825524146119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955357498361713,0.0,0.0,0.15543999110101034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859242611106736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159124417167597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780409581562586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965897154122393,0.14326283909293727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717288994352101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966235935319346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731705453990934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919929664592697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164933075182263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259241186326226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.501546453986253,0.1397665097036412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439947423695175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988867551121692,0.16564591648229535,0.0,0.0,0.14126428106818867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676304333935596,0.1126159655682823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795089047113484,0.0,0.0,0.1248504870029944,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,livinlavidalolo23,2020/01/11,"I just want to die Everyday for the past like- 3 months straight- I wake up wanting to die so bad I’ll start sobbing or having a panic attack- like a serious one- then I’ll get back on the rollercoaster of emotions for the day and end up bouncing up and down up and down- and I’ll convince myself okay- you had some good moments today- yes they were filled in with dread and sadness and anger and frustration and disappointment and utter spiritual loneliness- but alas you had fun dancing to “N’sync or Lana Del Ray or Missy Elliot.” Or you had fun playing with the kids- or you girlfriend was extra sweet and sexy or you go out to eat with your friend and play with their hedgehog, And you tell yourself those are all things to keep me here and maybe there will be more tomorrow- but then in the morning you know the truth all to clearly again. You just want death for yourself - peace. Is that really so bad? I just wanted to tell somebody how the little stuff isn’t enough anymore to keep me going- how my urge to die is so large and uncontrollable at this point it is the ONLY thing I really truly desire.",4.2047492545405225,5.915528152073732,4.342152344808891,86.66684196259148,71.62672811059906,7.13353212252643,25.667931688804554,7.724431198458867,1.3067242613174308,887,28,173,11,17,275,136,217,0.18100000000000002,0.6,0.21899999999999997,0.888,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,9,2,0,12,24,3,3,10,2,13,2,1,2,4,45,24,29,4,5,11,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,7,19,1,2,1,3,0,4,1,12,0,1,5,1,19,12,28,17,6,31,0,3,0,0,16,14,1,7,15,120,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193163779854984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281398925034934,0.0,0.11004661185145223,0.23899011764811884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229734446060332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.445592368950386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644238808837007,0.0,0.16098512806604673,0.12675742367269366,0.14787606658128458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105703048525482,0.0,0.07477168799328479,0.0,0.1626711211570281,0.12003808374977627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544144004728845,0.0,0.0,0.07865226894779237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983753370470148,0.1434388417538523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14377826759109827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142330388278124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697843737442813,0.10884541720405733,0.0,0.16791463314996571,0.0,0.0,0.13661947472404468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528994714966308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18336628535563065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129754356237483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383245113444195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501776606804318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19015851219137267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565629933188994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376517731048824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,son_san,2020/01/11,lonely i miss having close friends. but i pushed myself away from my old friends for fear of being a burden. i think they're just better off without me. and yet friends i've tried making recently have largely taken advantage of me and it hurts. i miss having someone relatable to talk with everyday and help me to remember that i'm sane,3.6237435897435937,5.982518169230772,4.428846153846155,82.60532051282053,75.0,7.410256410256411,27.756410256410252,8.344100000000001,2.2049487179487177,271,11,48,5,6,87,50,65,0.209,0.545,0.245,0.6124,0,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,3,11,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,11,10,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,1,0,9,5,10,8,0,8,0,4,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287590692996018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153397747046319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739846011149467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5643400654597506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632006491542758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606521924931733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625259234428178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554930830170488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404088019795387,0.0,0.2758172988299541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063012517768829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19570136516070488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560132401053699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530808973410338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23470766728519565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,artofexisting,2020/01/11,"I feel like I'm not real- is anyone else also feeling this way? Everything within me dissolves. My feelings , identity and thoughts. It's like I'm constantly melting and then become semi-solid again. My derealization also has distorted my reality . Misplaced , I don't have a real home , I'm a third culture kid. All I have is survival skills have help me navigate, I learn how people behave and then I chameleon them. But me , my true inner self , . I've suffered the most dark moments of my life for years beyond comprehension while they are somewhat behind me, I'm blocked from me. Because I have amnesia which has led me to forget about my life. To the point I'm not sure who I am. I'm also very alone as a person. I have never had a stable friendship with anyone. No one can comprehend my world and any friendship would be based on me accomodating others reality. I became codependent on someone who was incredibly sure of themselves and who hurt me with their coldness. I perceived them better than I. I was awaiting for their support who I walked on egg shells to get. I tried to be like them until I robbed myself of who I'm truely am. I walked away when I realized it didn't grow me but they gaslight me for being bad and it took a half year and I'm still recovering from the guilt. I'm not victimising myself. I'm always greatful for everything I get in life. All the small and big things. But sometimes it's too lonely to be here. Thank you for reading all this and let me know if you can relate",2.6718340151957922,5.029268613559324,4.13724137931035,83.51881355932206,78.11864406779661,6.509643483343075,25.087668030391587,7.6298220110432995,1.458030976037406,1191,44,224,18,29,394,167,295,0.109,0.8170000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.7772,0,3,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,2,7,3,11,15,0,1,9,0,25,4,0,2,7,42,45,23,0,2,7,0,3,3,0,1,3,0,1,3,14,11,1,1,8,1,0,5,7,5,0,3,6,4,47,10,29,33,5,30,0,3,0,0,19,12,0,3,15,162,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318749620603482,0.0,0.3085164299971076,0.10700283459242403,0.0,0.0,0.08745022994535574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17983573729945926,0.13176261270081807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082092146067985,0.0,0.10737295180944176,0.07839141225725238,0.14202505604753649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373341431492748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389674498686289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742612051807676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23114901362587045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950672094083961,0.09186957559464863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343730348454729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417784197823701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619572056387555,0.0,0.1289930698974465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766552807804466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067343509047426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314989349453789,0.2724951567732073,0.1884776941664176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918177556106247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714051597807898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915282537152025,0.11228576063657596,0.0,0.0,0.12156553683940195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863159449149122,0.2927426108344293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415450244936833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089596465595434,0.0,0.12718551784603124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269756610121936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459301183130809,0.2424019136312768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839465073409243,0.0,0.0,0.08543399604389508,0.0,0.0,0.1020914903305316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428757702376744,0.08730878206372335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610582310320983,0.0,0.10207414968490386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135147310002473,0.0,0.0,0.165624238728886 bpd,Bulgogijutsu,2020/01/11,I need advice I often think about my ex (who was my first love and first time and former FP basically) and even though he was terrible and manipulative and made me miserable I find myself thinking about him? Last night I had multiple dreams about him and this morning I sat in my car crying because I feel like I’m awful for even thinking about him. My current partner and I are married and I love him so much and I’d never do anything intentional to hurt him but I feel like I am just for having these feelings that I can’t control or figure out. Does anyone else have this problem with their former FPs or just exes in general? Is this normal in people with BPD or is it just a general human thing?,5.086849206349207,5.6905637642857165,6.1538095238095245,78.64896825396826,68.5,8.507936507936508,29.12698412698413,8.515128840125781,2.1159603174603183,557,19,106,8,9,186,90,140,0.107,0.807,0.085,-0.4727,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,3,12,8,0,1,1,1,11,2,0,4,1,38,23,15,0,3,7,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,8,12,0,1,8,1,0,1,2,4,0,2,5,3,23,4,13,18,1,14,0,2,0,2,13,4,0,4,11,81,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251227574561522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162850057634408,0.1704001263309161,0.13685564869331554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137857984210873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094565559238367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18652629423065975,0.0,0.0,0.1826793063536821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455354809867456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892730367365316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21968705837379449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522678963696929,0.2376180460665468,0.0,0.0,0.15200064988005754,0.2829195577645143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17803398775323045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556156762976573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16249739961993498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001952741057125,0.15736273632911438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225402833614825,0.12331377451882762,0.12826542172250568,0.0,0.0,0.15606689332186938,0.16294454713136247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529562441630935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913235965516845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048630123850242,0.31968646431764075,0.1633947777939706,0.0,0.09697435245123734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,spiceandchili,2020/01/11,"Why do we fall in love so fast and so hard that it knocks the wind out of us? Falling in love as a BPD sufferer is the best and most devastating thing, at the same time. The abandonment issues almost immediately resurface and then I push away, hard. Normal people: I like you - let’s date for a year-let’s move in together-let’s make it forever. Me: You’re my person - let’s get married. I literally skip the whole thing. So sad.",0.9479310344827568,3.3039958045977045,3.1294367816091966,88.12174137931036,85.20689655172414,6.698390804597702,20.19425287356321,7.908726449838941,0.9211342528735632,333,10,72,7,10,113,63,87,0.2,0.648,0.153,-0.3856,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,1,0,1,4,7,0,0,7,0,4,2,0,1,0,11,8,8,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,2,8,4,9,6,4,14,0,3,0,2,6,6,0,2,5,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15997940205780758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010244302163353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766123927183693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20121569854696172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346948758001584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862322399751343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16675089257249512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6534732942412759,0.0,0.07805205149195574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883843931895926,0.0,0.10664293327388702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698026104847201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653365792655138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107594341175534,0.1394987456173105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21227865783928224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931589941577684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19217502002539674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416110951781122,0.17836950037411248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288202803061186 bpd,metaforalabra,2020/01/11,"Scared of not getting a diagnosis? It's a long post, sorry. I've had anxiety issues for as long as I can remember. It peaked when I was 8 years old and got sick with trichotillomania. At the age of 12 or so I got depressed on top of that and got diagnosed with a mixed anxiety and depressive disorder at 15. I've been on 3 different medications since. I recently went to see a psychiatric nurse because of a major life event I felt like I couldn't cope with. He told me to go see a doctor who could switch my medication again to a more suitable one. I went, and instead of giving me new meds the doctor upped my dose on my current ones. After a week or so the doctor called me back and asked how I was doing. I told her that my anxiety and bursts of silent/passive-aggressive rage had gotten worse. I had also cried multiple times every day during the week for no apparent reasons at all, and so we decided to back to the old dose. The doctor then proceeded to ask for advice from some other doctors specialized in psychological problems, because she wasn't sure what to try next: my issues had been going on for such a long time and the most common/safe meds weren't helping. They replied asking my doctor to run lab tests on me to rule out any physical illnesses and after that discuss the possibility that I might have a borderline personality disorder, in which case the psychiatrists would take me in for evaluation. I had heard of BPD before but never really looked into it. I did some digging and I honestly think it could be what's wrong with me. My mood can go from 0 to 100 in 0.4 seconds switching between the feelings of anger, anxiety, sadness and emptiness for either no reason or something insignificantly small. They usually last for hours and in between them I'm like 99% fine and functional. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a fuzz, like the world is turning as usual (people talking, cars driving around etc.) but I don't quite register any of it. Does that make sense? I shop a lot online, even when I know I couldn't really afford it, and I always make some excuse to justify it. It's not to the extend of being totally penniless or in debt but I do struggle at the end of a month when I've made a lot of/expensive purchases. Online shopping makes me ""happy"" up until the point where the package arrives on my doorstep. I'm extremely codependent on my fiancé. We don't live together yet and every time he leaves my place I feel like he's totally abandoning me, resulting in me crying uncontrollably and begging for him not to go. Afterwards I always feel empty and then so, so embarrassed. I've told him about everything that's going on and I'm so lucky that he understands and is there for me, but I'm afraid that this is going to put a strain on our relationship since those situations are hard for him too. This is a fairly new behavior for me, though I've always felt sad when we're parting ways. This feels a lot like when I was a kid and had to leave my mom's to go to my dad's or something like that. I think it got this bad in July when we were all up and ready to start looking for a place together but then had to hit the brakes on it for reasons I didn't fully understand (or didn't want to understand). I have a hard time maintaining schedules. I'll wake up 30 minutes late and I'll think to myself ""whatever"" and go back to sleep so that then I'm 3 hours late. I'll wake up, procrastinate the best I can, and then go ""oh there's only an hour of that class left, I guess it doesn't matter if I don't go at all"". This ends up causing me even more anxiety because I know I'll be behind on my classes and everything but I simply can't maintain a schedule for more than 3 days to save my damn life. I'll feel so overwhelmed, like I've had the life sucked out of me. I'm so scared that this will result in not being able to keep a job after I graduate. Anyway, my lab tests came out all clean and I have another doctor's appointment next Wednesday. My diagnosis of a mixed anxiety and depressive disorder is gone from my patient info. I think a BPD diagnosis and treatment after that could help me a lot, but I'm afraid that if I voice these thoughts to my doctor she will tell me that I only think I have BPD because I read about it, and ultimately deem that there's nothing wrong with me after all and that I'm just a horrible, lazy person. I'm not even sure what the point of this post is, I guess I just wanted to get my thoughts and fears out there to people who possibly could understand them. My lovely fiancé tries, but he doesn't really get it either.",5.035206410879066,5.445303624052006,6.174992528112978,79.13515438786567,68.5557963163597,9.70246198677476,29.56493069824784,9.711379227409472,2.5914308439496403,3627,126,728,77,58,1217,375,923,0.149,0.778,0.07200000000000001,-0.9957,6,0,2,0,0,0,84.0,4,0,4,3,40,43,4,10,46,0,55,22,3,11,10,144,135,74,0,12,25,2,11,8,0,4,18,2,1,3,46,46,0,3,27,3,4,18,20,24,0,3,37,17,92,18,117,83,24,130,0,7,4,1,43,47,2,21,70,479,138,16,0.044481267726421365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04346658001541245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035571653730179766,0.11103593420533828,0.0,0.0,0.060497574763262174,0.04664248760433242,0.2041682883607716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0395977588529141,0.12475194238331372,0.0,0.0,0.10261004765046228,0.03714000056776767,0.1084614717833042,0.0,0.037850282635011716,0.0,0.046680346202743334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680677986824969,0.0,0.045420347652552,0.050874720334094216,0.0,0.045694514884147816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420586912234026,0.0,0.0977211678361056,0.057373475680152025,0.0,0.1149349521411799,0.045147550418987804,0.0,0.04647345741887606,0.15293815947236608,0.36422769880552974,0.03892585714136488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879440093174354,0.0,0.04960837160706528,0.08813837346142238,0.0,0.07495477304171194,0.0,0.07995379052761459,0.0,0.0,0.05005379272077057,0.13494639285018922,0.06355485310306593,0.0854179852232802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971887947130108,0.04267048518021605,0.25279729520142274,0.0,0.1423029329678304,0.0,0.0980022625262375,0.0,0.0,0.047351136620587986,0.07969295774297891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059629712264275776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141526592440916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928537738204355,0.04414079464626723,0.03953699454604029,0.0,0.0,0.048891482913585936,0.03625817003275178,0.10035361492610156,0.0941984798684877,0.04832902753518965,0.0,0.09425530458762074,0.17385040460408252,0.0,0.03927777433703262,0.11809356658205385,0.07470612399329812,0.0,0.0,0.1512655326232668,0.0401460807877361,0.04208925103479917,0.08907477483027243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881732172009862,0.08962039513532571,0.0,0.04718759574128187,0.0,0.052095923158805416,0.03550452352318153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034306695853789024,0.08592057110100222,0.09461266571205837,0.0,0.0,0.04268097604992597,0.0,0.09335121584851974,0.0,0.060283316391360114,0.06766001701726711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048168878279817966,0.0,0.0616754206551522,0.07767865451246621,0.09294691483775212,0.0,0.08409835123559213,0.10029189185650406,0.08520151744767196,0.0,0.0,0.04256256588776125,0.0,0.04471595987363791,0.0,0.04731130353451909,0.04449330498918768,0.0,0.08548751734050422,0.1372024547023185,0.04391988561971832,0.047756234888436166,0.05038860522911416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906701762808532,0.0,0.07089162273762252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359072864006667,0.0499988086165575,0.04451339156600316,0.0,0.0,0.06848770610783908,0.043993111164501414,0.049793137484702085,0.03148407024058958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046501478946308517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384613683594319,0.0,0.03344437756819773,0.035752358078022566,0.03887858858412994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250900142110193,0.04370261969747715,0.07062631593791709,0.10374953968062307,0.0,0.0,0.1275112725463396,0.0,0.06039972191828385,0.048382846168775716,0.0,0.18522627367746186,0.0,0.0,0.09797966426896687,0.0,0.0524724083499015,0.03530715988864496,0.07136037980285405,0.0,0.0,0.08246916164228865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04533021195423924,0.03159821636293125,0.09726656694490177,0.0,0.028644478040166926 bpd,monkeybone0101,2020/01/11,"Fksoebf Title pretty much describes how I’m feeling, it’s honestly hard for me to even understand but now that I’ve detoxed from alcohol emotions seem to be a lot more raw than usual. Umm I’ve heard of transference in therapy and some say it’s common but I was just wondering how to stop it? And if any of y’all have ever experienced it? If so how was it for you?",2.81372807017544,4.222265197368427,4.876315789473686,82.66254385964915,74.65789473684211,8.750877192982456,28.456140350877188,9.2995712137729,2.491419298245616,289,12,60,7,6,100,57,76,0.055,0.8640000000000001,0.081,0.22399999999999998,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,8,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,3,1,18,10,10,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,6,2,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,5,4,1,10,6,4,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,6,5,43,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28141712840683225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907180237024514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962081144879526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17392540065152226,0.23819489595151155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314635000168126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23588981269241055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22387171443930864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19357608970709864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26789884388642743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20940868195734907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397235631471628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22015367013973752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30113806736523463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27413332520801736,0.0,0.0,0.2900181560159011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855675565442475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,inthelunaa,2020/01/11,"Dealing with anxious thoughts Hi. I'm not doing too great at the moment but I'm ok. I dont usually feel that anxious, but once every couple of weeks I'll feel absolutely debilitatingly anxious for a for a few hours. That few hours seems to be now. As I dont usually have to deal with this I'm not sure of any ways to cope with it? My chest feels so tight and my head is everywhere, it took me so long to type this and I've tried to meditate but it's not helping. anything I can try?",0.022371794871791195,2.1562759807692338,2.539999999999999,92.28833333333336,87.26923076923076,5.7743589743589725,21.166666666666664,7.1686216300943375,0.5447397435897434,378,13,88,6,12,130,67,104,0.13699999999999998,0.835,0.027999999999999997,-0.8394,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,1,7,2,2,0,1,18,16,8,0,0,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,5,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,4,6,3,14,13,2,11,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,8,51,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954063567786077,0.0,0.0,0.4960893293728306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045489878907563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196215612561407,0.0,0.0,0.30181426395051303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431029438936611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332801413706578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22203616887629835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16137995336728336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022390923856566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811268447207884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883015649047028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295380708294865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558855629386536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325512753422408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795755933097248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620611919661378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262901768593216,0.19875926392219573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224247617528939,0.0,0.0,0.11618638112514243,0.1174139227165054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Amazona86,2020/01/11,"Fixated on physical contact I am completely fixated on physical contact with my FP. I especially want to be held during episodes of middle insomnia (3-5am) or during conflict. I am also a very sexual and affectionate person. There are other diagnoses besides BPD (OCD). What in the hell can I do? This need destroys my feeling of well being, and quite often my FP does not want to hold me, or is not present. I can't stop thinking about it. I just cry and cry and cry. This has ruined other relationships in the past. It deprives me of sleep. A weighted blanket does not help. My dog just had surgery and I can't haul her into bed. I have considered sleeping on the wooden floor next to her but that just isnt a solution. I am at a loss. I know myself to be a good and loving person, why am I constantly alone or surrounded by assholes?",2.4775609756097587,4.760330597560976,4.524573170731706,80.8800304878049,78.39024390243901,7.758536585365856,27.93292682926829,8.660442795831766,2.4695317073170733,654,29,122,15,16,224,104,164,0.192,0.711,0.096,-0.9265,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,2,8,9,2,0,8,0,17,6,2,0,0,29,25,11,0,3,10,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,8,8,1,4,3,0,0,0,6,5,1,0,2,2,20,4,17,20,0,15,1,3,0,1,9,10,1,4,5,90,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16123382202769518,0.0,0.12449437718443425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19606900183731016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322376496730756,0.16823090543799804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5130097135673731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800828978738418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27246696923022096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871467572936572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057399545038126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434662310526373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555568938570586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050404746363554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543209319019525,0.0,0.0,0.1655636392522909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861075846759453,0.0,0.2718612912238492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558103573116925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16713821528250225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31157769618536124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015245821954838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975116428193162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284493506196708,0.18364397242925934,0.0,0.0,0.1895719406285004,0.13997179796532486,0.0,0.1404737555321485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ohmcgee,2020/01/11,"dae not have a clue what love is? I love my friends, I care about them and want them to be happy and succeed in life. I love my kids, I'd protect them with my life. I love my dog. But when it comes to saying, ""I'm in love"" or ""I've fallen in love,"" or ""I'm in love with you,"" that's where my certainty comes to a complete stop. I always joked that I fall in love easy and often, that I fall in love with everyone. But I don't think I have a clue what love is. I feel like my feelings are too tainted by and too wrapped up in trauma and mental illness to ever be real or pure. If someone shows me the slightest bit of attention, I latch onto them. If they keep giving me attention, then I think I'm in love with them. Or, I used to think that. Now I just think I'm in love with being loved. That I just don't want to be alone, or that I just want the attention. And then you have all those things saying ""it's not love if you think you can't live without them,"" and lists all the signs of unhealthy codependent relationships and yeah, I think that's been every ""relationship"" I've ever had. Even friendships. If I feel strongly about someone, that's just what happens. I have strong feelings for someone right now. We talk constantly. We care for each other. There are sexual aspects. I've known her almost a year. But I am terrified to say I'm in love with her because what if it's not real? What if it's just fear of abandonment and childhood neglect and idealizing posing as love? I know no one can tell me how I really feel, but I need to know I'm not alone in not being able to tell the difference between love and symptoms of mental illness.",2.476315789473684,3.801047801169595,3.8067251461988327,90.3309649122807,75.37426900584795,6.821052631578947,23.777777777777786,7.3871296695380915,0.8267847953216374,1276,38,283,15,27,419,146,342,0.077,0.701,0.222,0.9913,0,2,0,0,0,0,48.0,2,4,7,4,19,31,0,1,8,1,20,22,0,2,5,86,68,31,0,11,26,0,5,1,1,0,5,3,0,1,20,22,0,5,17,2,0,5,10,4,0,1,2,8,47,27,40,61,4,31,0,2,0,17,43,15,0,13,12,190,67,1,0.05500883238807453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05508339962728116,0.11394512111641615,0.0,0.0,0.045771755212563096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033532873650247375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005539780509864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121703415322766,0.0,0.0,0.09477047657486316,0.057675714172063186,0.059445005565781237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057472521812384623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03633281499166904,0.09951727642020394,0.04634731379843949,0.05256329669852839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190022980232654,0.13907059242944336,0.03929832084932487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04249968744771775,0.0,0.0,0.05276948448575986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048644128811315517,0.05855792496218724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889437772969521,0.0,0.0,0.06046283135047315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770873024028173,0.02687453690136292,0.0,0.048573806807197986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8440095216135574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087192966344334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040788352201372974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037275408465931165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522418844732935,0.03524006660945607,0.0,0.0,0.11811779900792195,0.0,0.04697724229626188,0.0,0.13123569422358042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982641551602185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04598984700889353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717523935694911,0.0,0.04421401577599757,0.0961602882392207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03654542394738687,0.2114846318098666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047509969333564286,0.0,0.0,0.09733690371656667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05302655142734238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03542388452250601 bpd,CharleyMaher,2020/01/11,"New job - Do I tell my boss and how? Started a new dream job and I'm currently just on a temporary basis so need to impress to stay. Thing is, at my old job my boss was so understanding, allowed me to go to therapy and if I was having a bad day I could just tell him and we'd work something out so I could continue to work but perhaps at home or only work an afternoon etc. This new job is amazing but I never know whether to tell my employer about my BPD. I miss my old boss and the flexibility that gave me - he knew I was in therapy from the get go (he didn't know it was for BPD) and now I feel like I have to hide my worries as I'm concerned that if I tell my new work they will see it as a liability. Has anyone else told their boss? How did you go about it?",-0.05989495798319312,1.714725321428574,2.733165266106444,93.06869747899158,84.47619047619048,6.33389355742297,21.19187675070028,7.510576382923642,0.5736389355742295,586,19,145,10,17,206,93,168,0.07200000000000001,0.8340000000000001,0.09300000000000001,0.6779999999999999,7,1,1,0,0,0,13.0,1,1,2,4,10,5,0,0,7,0,16,0,0,7,1,31,33,19,0,5,8,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,7,0,0,5,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,9,2,25,3,18,20,1,22,0,1,1,0,13,5,0,3,14,94,32,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413253566704492,0.10863131802730727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852333022590247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670601510620893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929871085600584,0.0,0.0,0.06837494690629665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856716501923598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182417392193777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05360753865756553,0.07574161500665251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05539173663677048,0.0,0.18076298950909447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634797619841964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208389963565502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653303233790385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051796636178669586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861342679340493,0.08177013784593766,0.409584004981038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22250297203064134,0.0,0.0,0.08063395177634647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448522393533521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162035179746907,0.0,0.0,0.07504239914261099,0.11300456505482015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706690450550848,0.0,0.2424891194890817,0.0,0.07043581942065162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013078649666728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037187897550486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30873898309564696,0.10766974399679184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RelevantElevator,2020/01/11,"Splitting w/ Friends DAE get angry and push away friends who seemingly can't be there for you in your crisis moments? I've seen many friends pull away as their voice trails off saying, ""We're here for you, whatever you need."" I assume it's just because they don't know how, or don't have the tools, to deal with my BPD. So I split and choose to ignore/neglect them, even though they form a fairly decent support network for what they are.",6.055862068965517,5.950597114942533,5.301747126436784,88.04296551724138,66.35632183908045,7.879540229885057,30.043678160919534,6.742157984588678,1.4127857471264358,347,11,72,2,5,104,71,87,0.08199999999999999,0.785,0.133,0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,4,5,0,8,4,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,11,12,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,3,12,4,11,10,1,7,0,0,1,0,15,4,0,3,1,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4401346245849826,0.0,0.0,0.14278476934046982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950051783228073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414814122068176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15470706931307565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5428978261056078,0.0,0.12237579495970062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872698472093738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374730139441305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367898503407628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862695348291663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21323469579979948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658020525868639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23013032629856314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lollbirdsey,2020/01/11,"How do y'all write so much? FYI I mean absolutely nothing negative here, it's an observation from being on this reddit, some BPD discords and IRL BPD friends. Like have you learned how to write this much or is this just part of your BPD?",3.285,5.200533617021278,3.80526595744681,88.70875000000002,74.53191489361703,7.253191489361702,26.643617021276608,8.07648339933343,1.4734297872340432,188,7,40,3,4,59,40,47,0.0,0.769,0.231,0.9011,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,10,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,4,4,4,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,1,29,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8334238351444854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041658985895047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776236739159208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402720964436212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242977068550184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116487692829152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388624804113331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thebigbadwolf23,2020/01/11,"I think I'm M20 getting lonely day by day and I have a questionable taste in women and terrible luck with friends So I'm a 20M a bit fat and tall . I realized there is no one I can hangout with and I fell in love with my cousin 23F . To be honest I have not told her that I love her or like her but still she ignores me and it really hurts . My heart aches to see her like this with me and I am such a stupid to text her always. . . I have friends but I don't talk personal problems with them . They are just classmates actually and I have an attitude it's either 200% or 0% . I am really angry on my life.",-1.0626470588235293,0.9681914696969721,1.741265597147951,96.40836898395723,92.63636363636364,5.530124777183602,17.61319073083779,7.048011613610866,0.07401639928698732,462,13,113,8,17,160,83,132,0.184,0.652,0.16399999999999998,-0.5848,0,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,0,5,14,1,0,5,0,11,6,2,0,0,25,19,12,0,1,7,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,2,4,12,2,1,3,1,0,1,3,6,0,1,1,2,25,8,12,17,2,8,0,2,1,2,18,4,0,4,5,77,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.2048240975410932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17464677292050154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291474594847665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707256650871596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32432373320202484,0.0,0.10965979075547548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24872276687114345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22469348884828014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825276965225456,0.2050850408405452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788710477466368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422281004439523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18326940416857251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20083808451866966,0.0,0.0,0.23512682673707136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689240944448538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672565718498929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16761984460211427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870306015738473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449017593327212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20056058807072305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lycand0pe,2020/01/11,"My fp broke up with me We've been best friends for eight years. Dating for four. There's so much context I don't want to explain but he thinks breaking up is the only way to save our friendship, because of the resentment from our relationship. And he still loves me, and I still love him, but he doesn't think we should've ever taken the Romantic route, that we were better as each other's best friends. He wants to be in my life still, just not in the Romantic capacity. And I can't stop crying. This is the closest I've been to suicide in a decade. I broke my no cutting streak. I haven't eaten in days. I am inconsolable and I just. I don't know even why I'm posting here but I'd like to hear some good words, maybe from people who have experienced similar. My entire world is crumbling. Thank you for reading",1.6397625797306894,3.8738991987951774,2.861608788093552,91.9382813607371,81.10843373493975,5.833593196314671,22.415308291991487,7.048011613610866,0.6322371367824239,641,21,137,8,17,206,107,166,0.105,0.598,0.297,0.9919,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,4,1,0,3,10,15,2,0,6,0,14,4,0,0,1,25,27,9,1,2,6,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,4,8,1,1,4,1,0,0,7,4,0,2,5,2,20,11,19,21,5,19,0,2,0,2,18,8,0,1,9,89,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138689715073412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490843619657929,0.14709618882625228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826942937422684,0.10726239617300004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985254097749614,0.1504456190419869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569962529989325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950100699280832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18745430044624348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914049139884464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747646686593267,0.08125536562155003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002199027476457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670904140260157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226405830979704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649356630992234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153050835080911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928822179016972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663646293071754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17856502941851102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39846919217755616,0.13905065033501202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18192667044934294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312476113815635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131417947047876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19619924314697385,0.13201677349414698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007758846012306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710438282811184 bpd,4Rey,2020/01/11,feeling of the night has anyone experienced this feeling of feeling so lonely yet not wanting to be around anyone,10.707,10.3551317,9.91,59.63500000000002,57.0,10.0,45.0,8.841846274778883,4.7170000000000005,94,5,12,1,1,30,16,20,0.13699999999999998,0.674,0.19,-0.188,0,2,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,4,5,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,11,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5581459927414726,0.0,0.0,0.3553001609565712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6054190500815732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745457573628056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354104837315422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,666sweetpea,2020/01/11,"feeling suicidal everytime someone decides to stop being friends with me i start to feel intensely suicidal. i live with the person who has decided to stop being my friend and i am having to move back home in a different city on the first. im feeling so intense that i reached out to someone who has had used me and been incredibly abusive and i even made a post asking people to keep him away from me. i have no medication to overdose on, i have no alcohol to fall asleep on, and i have no friends to turn to anymore. the person who has decided to stop being my friend said i was just a bitch with 0 friends. and its been clear to everyone i am unable to connect with people. ive always had a plan of jumping off a parking garage, but its so cold outside its miserable. i don't know what i need to feel better",3.7838211382113833,4.9800330731707385,5.209512195121949,82.05479674796749,71.92682926829268,8.393495934959349,31.349593495934965,8.841846274778883,2.5871398373983743,640,29,127,12,12,215,92,164,0.147,0.726,0.127,-0.6535,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,5,8,1,1,8,0,19,3,1,2,1,28,32,8,2,1,2,0,4,0,5,0,2,1,1,2,8,10,1,4,8,0,0,3,4,2,0,1,7,6,19,6,27,22,0,17,0,1,0,0,13,7,1,0,6,95,27,0,0.0,0.15253445079702854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758264716820245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712101173053047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767431680998134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035341872961824,0.0,0.12095435970814306,0.09899220641228247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385902490703945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345046667897461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503077679349129,0.0,0.0,0.12301545999470345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260376863309228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950517497419103,0.0,0.0,0.4973164669443664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291355337106166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390600178619088,0.0,0.0,0.114428978876084,0.0,0.0,0.0707514889507384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367873713005924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181578475730614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969081767032747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682899235018076,0.0,0.0954582041772572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850257684872065,0.22481954479313965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329620336817422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224600992146414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21815996971888987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112199978423466,0.0,0.0,0.3228942555106213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816387490013565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003086845067586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118900637878547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,boyfrappe,2020/01/11,"Was given copies of my medical records. I was diagnosed with BPD. I... I don't know how I feel about this. I only know about this diagnosis because I'm in the process of applying for SSI and my legal aide needed my autism evaluation thing. I have two large envelopes of papers going all the way back to 2014. I was always curious about what my case notes said because doctors would never let me see them... even though they're about me. I don't know. Doctors are weird. One thing I've noticed is that they say I look clean and kempt. Which is a lie. Because – in addition to being chronically ill and fatigued just buy *breathing* – the most I shower is... once a week. It's gross, I know, but I'm either too fatigued to actually bathe or I'm too depressed to bathe. I'm sure we all have comorbid conditions. I would like to think we all get the vibes. But another thing I've noticed – and this one really stuck out – that I have a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. I... don't want that diagnosis. People already don't like people with BPD. They already think people with BPD are abusive. I don't want to have BPD. I'm just trying to get a bipolar assessment to get on the right meds (because I keep telling my psychiatrists – every single one of them – that these meds aren't working and that there's something else going on here), autism evaluation, and a general psych evaluation so my doctor can prescribe me two of my pretty important meds. But no. Now I have a BPD diagnosis that I can never tell anyone about because then they'll think I'm a rampaging, abusive monster.",3.085571509327302,5.425894613114757,4.528773318258903,81.32590163934428,76.63934426229507,7.616732617297909,27.238552854720183,8.53829466247534,2.192958168456756,1247,51,234,26,29,414,151,305,0.126,0.805,0.069,-0.9546,1,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,2,0,5,1,17,8,0,0,12,0,26,11,1,1,6,43,54,14,0,5,7,0,1,2,0,3,10,2,4,1,16,13,0,1,8,2,1,2,9,5,0,5,6,5,35,3,28,43,6,15,0,3,2,0,12,6,0,2,8,153,51,7,0.0,0.19470555610906135,0.08018175484534752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813435243369256,0.0,0.06836834580966851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615777616800195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057452084907181684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318026026007079,0.0,0.250436878711042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5174233666798954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076909479659335,0.08339633547271236,0.0,0.0,0.09416887469028253,0.2522998624189891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863879993970741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054269591542937895,0.0,0.06922804603855814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04154538671727388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287843749486105,0.0,0.09339318674682953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303254396184575,0.0,0.0,0.1806242187219517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401987379300041,0.0,0.08028390538288861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899839438233264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27380231384220416,0.08277317892710409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092473743599455,0.12674232333011007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870921178560468,0.0,0.087503662516368,0.16703257310280806,0.06249062712036215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088980543719082,0.07174381633854977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359193526695755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0526373753665832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016895750621945,0.07815828356862603,0.06534136815438671,0.0,0.0,0.06547533030214266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325507875089198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744008800885492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363267934483687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637614837311353,0.15794516043639528,0.08072726647411503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05578503622908928,0.0,0.16052766765670215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692677740427556,0.06521921396257545,0.06590827318724336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059817521791761724,0.0,0.0,0.11673614305479932,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rihannasblunt,2020/01/11,"Can’t stop obsessing over my boyfriend’s ex Hi all, I’m a 21F and am currently in a long distance relationship with a 23M. We’ve been dating for about 6 months, but have been seeing each other for over a year. When we first started hanging out, I did some internet sleuthing and found this girl who I determined was his high school ex. Very obviously his first serious gf/first love. They interact a lot on social media, like each other’s photos frequently and it’s made me very insecure. I’ve shed countless, agonized tears over this girl. At this point, I’m not even convinced she’s a real threat; a while back, my bf made a FB post for his birthday reflecting on his 23 years and included a photo of the two of them, as well as one of him and I but lots of other photos with him and other girls as well. I felt slighted, that post made me feel so insignificant. He didn’t distinguish me as his gf at all. But anyway, I called him and talked to him about it (very calmly and maturely may I add!) and he reassured me I didn’t need to worry. He confirmed my suspicions about their history, and told me that he had discovered she was cheating on him. His reasoning for not cutting her out of his life was that there are a lot good memories surrounding that past time in his life and he didn’t want to throw all that away just because she hurt him. I just can’t wrap my mind around that tbh. It makes me feel like he’s holding space for her. I find myself stalking this girl on social media all the time, even checking up on her snapchat. It’s driving me crazy, I want to stop but it’s just become such a reflex. I check her profiles multiple times a day and always check to see if her and my bf have had any exchanges online. I’m losing it. Its gotten to the point where I investigate almost every girl on his social media and am paranoid that he’s slept with/dated/has history with a lot of them. I’m so embarrassed and ashamed of myself, but at the same time it really just makes my heart ache to think that he might still want her or anyone else. I’ve been fighting this insecurity for so long and I’m exhausted, just looking for a little advice or encouragement. Does anyone else struggle with this kind of obsessive behavior? Tl;dr I can’t stop stalking my bf’s high school ex on social media, I’m so tired of feeling obsessive and insecure about his relationships with other girls!",4.978574817023585,5.655818401260513,5.693765248034701,81.58975467606399,68.76890756302521,9.167145567904582,28.380048793711033,9.285337120503966,2.2415097045269716,1893,62,379,36,31,617,219,476,0.192,0.726,0.08199999999999999,-0.9961,1,0,0,0,2,0,47.0,1,0,4,3,25,28,4,9,18,0,22,7,2,6,5,83,51,35,0,5,15,3,4,2,4,2,4,0,0,6,28,29,0,4,10,0,4,3,8,17,2,4,20,7,59,11,56,29,12,57,0,2,3,1,67,28,0,11,26,247,87,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800765627437602,0.0,0.0,0.08205695890698549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681855343350614,0.0,0.0,0.05572600650497391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459692527782382,0.16792647010914102,0.0,0.07294920419718633,0.0,0.0,0.07699084907451809,0.06301132131021879,0.0,0.049953446115709545,0.09050278315013877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367590266713715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05284831154763326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171138931634148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691053058488567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824895801347433,0.0,0.06904293579447371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243028930534754,0.058542151008585966,0.07868089289233529,0.0,0.07489704713916767,0.20910936372181976,0.0,0.08984942463306161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873231385651507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971062589752152,0.0,0.17316063669689669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772475633261842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533402087904067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576159291524026,0.08006923265742702,0.08213129685735382,0.0,0.14503904518044505,0.06881389820836242,0.09167647558579704,0.0,0.2786698173580793,0.07395935350734566,0.2326175109795319,0.10939901863383256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693162585517701,0.08274197577649955,0.0,0.06540841733081487,0.0,0.0,0.06076182957331595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055528647131923306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822661210769925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493068230755244,0.0,0.15696299675159392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932723484308506,0.052496627245559466,0.08425400977542165,0.0,0.17595840933856002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586720511212147,0.13060050903805484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341340082617755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05800171361895912,0.0,0.06544208334475017,0.20553126776937064,0.0,0.08566762315326787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586499199746136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05250760924738557,0.0,0.0,0.19113319982675936,0.09418473105691468,0.0,0.07830279732899126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004921477261688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20284179214256365,0.145001404460296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735836972177654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322001599203235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055409163652795 bpd,generalzod1978,2020/01/11,"BPD and NPD as close cousins I'm a self-diagnosed NPD, and have been aware of my NPD for quite a few years now, and I've noticed from my interactions with persons with BPD that the two disorders seem to have a lot of similarities, as well as a lot of differences. In many ways they seem to be close cousins, and having had friends and at least one girlfriend with BPD, I often feel that BPDs understand NPDs a lot better than neurotypicals do. I know that a lot of BPDs have probably had negative interactions with NPDs that may leave them hesitant to marry the two disorders as family members, but I was wondering if any BPDs have noticed that the two disorders seem to be related as well, and if any have had positive interactions with NPD friends or partners that they'd like to share (e.g., maybe an NPD partner understood you better than other types of partners have, etc.)?",19.238192771084336,8.351643481927713,16.517891566265067,50.55346385542172,53.93975903614458,21.178313253012053,59.57228915662651,15.579741850924794,8.002595180722892,702,30,133,19,4,224,89,166,0.028999999999999998,0.815,0.157,0.9726,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,3,3,4,8,0,0,10,0,17,0,0,0,0,31,26,15,0,2,4,2,1,1,6,1,0,0,0,4,7,13,0,0,8,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,6,1,9,8,26,16,7,7,0,0,0,0,17,4,0,13,3,94,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699257923984646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911712287818074,0.0,0.0,0.40835883607198253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969621358240016,0.0,0.11291780536535034,0.3715979460831172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053479041013525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101885686826944,0.0,0.054647144732068935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700055205426872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05939647336650821,0.0,0.0,0.11443828591910918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05280112358769165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675339197875668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095734478561339,0.1085782032216511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460935100276175,0.0,0.0,0.07323599496486594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436895465107277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652563988960513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114953542533764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29516862274087546,0.11274822458438953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167275375591769,0.11251231068922794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857867529066172,0.0,0.0,0.1943489960656833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172052526641528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959825620415064 bpd,Walad,2020/01/11,"I want to die. Not coping My partner of 6 years just sent me a “final goodbye” message. We’ve been sort of broken up/breaking up the last year. But I’ve had hope. And I’ve been trying. And we just got closer again. But I’m not better enough yet. And she just sent me a final goodbye message. And all I have playing on my head in repeat is that I want to die now. I feel like I want to bleed in front of her and break myself to show I love her but I know that’s fucked up and I’m not coping. What do I do?",-1.4933082706766925,0.3714842807017539,1.1453634085213054,101.35421052631581,92.15789473684212,3.2571428571428567,14.283208020050125,3.1291,-1.4994791979949875,384,7,97,0,14,131,65,114,0.135,0.763,0.10099999999999999,-0.8294,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,1,0,0,1,6,6,1,0,3,0,7,4,1,0,1,24,20,9,2,4,9,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,2,2,0,3,3,1,0,0,6,1,17,5,12,14,2,19,0,0,0,2,10,6,1,2,10,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18633181320800946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4373109620343877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176916486165962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652755259724453,0.15051183244882513,0.0,0.4615854125780416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19477285115639184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16850227919728486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162213319626853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20925555537111387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578575553515445,0.1717345992137077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292897273515934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901494501199387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430397897478866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727985172559095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713456278389335 bpd,Porkchops666,2020/01/11,"I got the angel of death watching over my back I’ve been contemplating suicide and no one knows it, wearing this mask day in day out. I don’t even have the energy to cry anymore. Everyone thinks I’m happy and that I’m fine, but what nobody knows is that I’m slowly dying everyday",3.9291379310344814,4.765707258620693,5.527068965517246,81.26232758620691,71.24137931034483,8.558620689655173,26.568965517241374,8.841846274778883,1.9121586206896561,223,7,45,4,4,76,46,58,0.152,0.757,0.091,-0.5499,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,7,11,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,3,2,5,9,0,7,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,4,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872627066783076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22272897059142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181754947323006,0.3736106396039052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30061906789606746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19131624670458186,0.0,0.0,0.27678044327387336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23166580538023399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083461168957875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31837670606466983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19627962335748936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.316838622540008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18560102395424768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ClearSkinJourney,2020/01/11,"I think my therapist has damaged me further... My therapist for the past year has said some pretty demeaning things. I have tried to leave her practice on two occasions, but have been met with “this is not how to handle things in your life that are uncomfortable. This is a good example of your BPD. You leave jobs and relationships that dont suit you.” I thought, man, maybe she’s right. I’ll stick it out. So I did, for a year. She demonized my mom for drinking when I was a child (I’m aware of the damage it has caused) to the point of whenever I brought her up, brought up good moments that felt like real progress, she’d remind me that my mom is “unstable” and it could go wrong any moment. Leaving me feeling like every good moment needed to be met with the anxiety of “when will this suck again”. She gave me no tools and left little room for forgiveness. Whenever I would get a bruise from walking into something, I was labeled as “careless” for not practicing good self care. As if being clumsy was synonymous with not loving yourself. Whenever I walk into something or trip, I’m reminded of how “careless” I must be and how that coincides with my self worth. What made me finally walk out was this. I was explaining that I felt my boyfriend was being distant. I felt my needs weren’t met. “What are your NEEDS Kiera?” She said nastily as she made quotations with her hands. “People have so many needs, and they don’t even know what they are, they just want someone to fulfill them” Feeling almost forced into saying something to defend myself, I replied. I said felt sometimes like the only one who was willing to voice any issue within the relationship. I felt he had almost “checked out.” She then (without apology) said “I’m glad I got that out of you! This is why it’s good to be direct sometimes.” Almost trying to turn this into a good thing.. Regardless of the context, what was said to me was out of line. I am trying to realize that my past habits of leaving uncomfortable situations are not mutually exclusive to wanting to leave her practice. I feel manipulated, and even though I can say I felt she was wrong in how she handled me, a part of me says maybe i’m being defensive. Maybe my mom really is a terrible selfish person and I can’t help but continue to helplessly try to pursue a healthy relationship with her; or at least forgive. Maybe I do leave all things that are uncomfortable and without “valid” reason. Maybe I am too needy, maybe I need to give myself more and expect less from others. Maybe I am careless and self destructive. I don’t know.",4.132652749490834,6.038721610997964,4.794398676171081,82.55224974541754,72.19755600814666,8.087189409368637,28.160947046843177,8.769984970463412,2.230679389002037,2025,78,382,39,40,649,230,491,0.162,0.7090000000000001,0.129,-0.9617,2,0,4,0,0,0,56.0,0,6,4,1,14,27,3,0,15,0,51,4,1,9,2,82,97,28,0,13,12,3,10,3,0,4,1,9,1,6,29,25,1,1,18,1,2,7,12,13,0,2,35,19,70,14,60,50,6,42,1,3,0,1,57,22,1,7,16,267,99,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683783402345986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755345745841885,0.0,0.042485903678125214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994732006178744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566240069589803,0.05705213400886521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04434203705494005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508933444392925,0.054405437864491736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336376232163395,0.0,0.04679259389252599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842440247852688,0.03967587800574023,0.3199472640478652,0.060838427852183824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029015961504564813,0.05327646534594311,0.03156314319011115,0.2794924531444076,0.04441827439310297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037225500080664435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05796654106804116,0.055112228191972486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06104372575461405,0.0,0.0,0.3528360664631605,0.06034146904604343,0.0,0.03922765698839474,0.08139819904627484,0.05566299253486067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0501246065712634,0.10510152461223196,0.0,0.05630613335950116,0.39056297279174695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951339409275233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20590112389301266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03763353056683665,0.0422386403236592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601415138259902,0.10603332693847338,0.03850259022545807,0.04849305237302132,0.0,0.0,0.052500725927195666,0.0,0.0,0.05650142830058321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321363759094836,0.03557863423915119,0.05710162260443422,0.0,0.17887891705525766,0.0,0.04742857440496995,0.2641435828137217,0.1324965362763803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738126350965301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06242628325757836,0.0,0.0,0.04705659753474288,0.12826604451532572,0.10985567436212194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896623599764373,0.14758613099668752,0.03558607709113399,0.05456514248680459,0.044090434614071784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508247997693734,0.06040866459245224,0.05425189927353098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551470959997059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05011379997048938,0.0,0.0,0.10707200409721784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039452124154281655,0.12144269888830628,0.0,0.0715284363519325 bpd,Shimmerstorm,2020/01/11,"DAE feel like they are Autistic, or have Autistic traits? For many years, I’ve always thought I had Autistic traits. My psychologist even said she suspected I was on the spectrum, but I’d of course have to go through the testing for a diagnosis. I just want to know if my “Autistic traits” are traits fellow Borderlines have and would be better described by BPD. I am usually very blunt when talking to others. I tend not to sugar coat things unless I really, really need to. My verbiage is blunt, and people often think I’m mad when I’m not. It’s not that I am trying to be blunt—I don’t even notice I’m doing it until I upset someone. I also have a crazy sensory disorder. Repetitive sounds will literally make me spiral into a full breakdown. The person in the apartment above me was pounding and beating something until 130am this morning and I literally went to go sleep outside bc I just got so triggered, heated, furious. Also, when people make nonsense noises or nonsense speech, I usually can’t listen to it long. The sound of cheap markers on paper makes me want to stab my eardrums. Running my nails along a dull material, it makes me want to amputate my finger. It’s like nails on a chalkboard, but with so many more things. Most types of plates, bowls, and cups. Paint on a car with no clear coat. Etc. if my nails graze that, it sets me off. I also have Trypophobia. I am also fairly sensitive about being touched, especially tapped. It just annoys me immediately and makes me furious. Just a few examples. Anyone feel similarly?",3.721466208476517,6.125111845360827,4.833264604810996,79.60689576174114,74.87628865979381,7.472623138602521,27.27262313860252,8.401726058763845,2.1910650630011452,1221,48,214,23,27,400,166,291,0.18,0.767,0.053,-0.9924,0,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,1,2,17,9,4,1,12,0,22,4,2,6,1,44,46,24,0,7,14,0,4,2,1,2,1,5,0,1,13,10,1,0,6,0,1,5,6,6,0,0,7,10,30,3,31,34,5,25,0,1,0,0,7,9,0,6,12,145,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40434547896592143,0.10517943664553926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838560964267915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117953229088077,0.0,0.0,0.15920320309090588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448715640574648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097545850925536,0.16697917721632252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278287581305201,0.09030405823094023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367822787331533,0.0,0.10109796276549513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946911375698699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351060772164885,0.0,0.0,0.111864820100426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4218830013466888,0.25631051415773776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372801821378998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391340995511542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752672063997555,0.11037233819137636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195709935617794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202405022028169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264967097796369,0.0,0.10710290326309964,0.09731306892388156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159988948555768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679562902889739,0.08099548993934197,0.0,0.10035178488653884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858209835902867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784354262685229,0.10429771081594327,0.2236715775959488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717909194322085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979478454004447,0.0,0.0,0.08140094695016573 bpd,LeFancyFish,2020/01/11,"Untreated BPD for more than ten years I was diagnosed with BPD when I was younger and was treated for that, anxiety, and what was assumed by the doctor to be the early stages of schizophrenia. (I also used to deal with anger issues and a habitual lying problem from some middle child ""I need more attention"" bs, but those have been pretty well dealt with.) That was a single month of medication and two therapy sessions at the age of about 12 or so. I have not been treated since. Ten and a few extra years later I am still not being treated for any mental conditions, and I have no clue how to start. I am a fulltime employee for a software development company as a project manager. I am married to a beautiful, nerdy woman who can tell you more about the lore of Star Wars and the Witcher than anyone else I know. We are also expecting our first child in April. I have dealt with my severe anxiety with breathing techniques and meditation. I have moved my delusions to my other bucket (the place where I put tv show ideas, night terrors, and aural and visual confusions), but my bpd has been kicking my ass my whole life. I have lost and gained a couple hundred pounds in the last five years, and I am terrified of what a ""real"" version of my self might be if I ever let down the walls I have built up over my whole life. Where did you people start when you got help? For me it has always seemed super daunting, but I want to be better for myself and my family. Take care, all.",6.5756837979094085,6.314982341463415,6.864858449477353,77.79359429442509,65.30662020905923,9.82308362369338,31.52635017421603,9.354420925462401,2.6496203832752614,1160,39,221,19,16,376,170,287,0.128,0.763,0.109,-0.4767,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,2,3,0,5,13,13,2,2,17,0,30,7,2,2,2,43,41,25,1,5,7,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,4,8,19,0,0,5,2,0,2,3,6,1,5,11,0,34,7,36,24,11,31,0,1,0,1,13,11,1,7,17,172,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18751832178601424,0.09755554332700828,0.0,0.0,0.0797292401541203,0.0,0.17938110255682246,0.0,0.0,0.08197901078362653,0.12012927808105528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036918794739486,0.0,0.0,0.4429902499651405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953702193130905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972711650554858,0.0,0.0,0.12087235413246185,0.0,0.11899914678601692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000314798769132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794145729477384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060529788131476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052623792713027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997268105402108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376991360088074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858549153488706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235304246811885,0.0,0.12237120018638373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443367024153036,0.09556866890623482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988888046174832,0.1656243542472203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798455168584533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810995786876805,0.1181533380990196,0.12437626360641695,0.0,0.0,0.09358222023327643,0.1246107227327887,0.0,0.08693417680705748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002458525588373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128151325509214,0.0,0.12249394994233502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927825028013045,0.0,0.11218568845181592,0.0,0.11786156775501926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344816781583507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673359671247387,0.12230998763783407,0.1324511844170055,0.0,0.09698459648705753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659703554771592,0.0,0.09363038743344787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815212250654285,0.0,0.10247552362907944,0.0,0.13407755422525364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452934579450025,0.0,0.0,0.10126028268440147,0.0,0.0,0.06915294147187688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541551050512224,0.0,0.0,0.261795178432839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226501886499499 bpd,I-Hated-the-twirl,2020/01/11,"I am a shitty person My experience with BPD has been confusing. I understand what it's like to feel something incredibly intense like hurt or rejection and to be dismissed as overreacting or acting childish. It was more of a problem in the past and not as much now. The part that makes me feel like a hypocrite is when I see someone behaving in a way that seems like a cry for help, the LAST thing I want to do is help them. I never actually say this out loud, I always pretend to care and not be annoyed. The reason I do that is because of what we are taught as children, treat others how you want to be treated but I really just wanna say all those invalidating things people would say to me that fucked me up and hurt me. I don't understand why, are we all just pretending it's not annoying to see someone use their diagnoses as an excuse? For example, I overhear some of my friends and family playing mario kart. One of them is losing and she gets so mad she doesn't want to play anymore. She starts crying soon after and everyone in the room starts to console her (these are all adults). I am careful with the word overreacting, I know how much it can fuck a person up but damn to me it's just a huge fucking overreaction. In my mind it seems like the approach that is taken to provide a comforting environment for an adult with mental health struggles is to treat them like children. I hate to think in the past few years I was treated like a child. When I fucked up in school my parents should've kicked me out and moved on with their lives. I should've been thrown out for leaving my job. I should be homeless or dead. I should've been able to overcome the depression and anxiety with strength and positivity. I could just tell myself to stop being so damn unproductive. I should be exceptional at everything I do. It's not mental illness, I'm just a lazy shitbag. Happiness is created in the mind, it is my choice to not be happy. I chose depression and anxiety over success and happiness because I was too lazy to deal with it.",4.494951724137927,5.8087162400000025,5.394810344827587,80.95150000000002,70.35,8.717241379310343,29.79310344827586,9.130062681391069,2.471106896551724,1616,64,316,32,29,529,196,400,0.21600000000000005,0.61,0.174,-0.9848,2,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,2,1,5,3,14,41,10,2,22,0,37,7,0,5,4,71,65,27,1,9,16,1,2,7,1,3,3,4,1,7,22,23,0,1,9,4,0,3,8,19,0,1,8,8,48,22,54,46,9,35,0,6,2,4,30,18,6,7,20,230,70,4,0.08540654778768404,0.0,0.08334447059814748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106508953524762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306715505791541,0.0,0.08470034598139396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412607763291117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756655714064678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17415533503514438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681901788144219,0.0,0.18763016472449145,0.0,0.08805040058017359,0.14712106892418372,0.08668584821079185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160961642833038,0.07675789810557825,0.08354399196799063,0.08051369226612731,0.0,0.08636823348216888,0.061014454804556625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598488696066274,0.31582790882775064,0.044621396193800365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27275057474487785,0.0,0.08432128416813557,0.0,0.09078316650808227,0.0,0.0,0.1144924173786457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285895165390426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847528202327625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04693720508992626,0.06961773550704789,0.0,0.09043320237517027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920772763838934,0.0,0.07541554641701599,0.0,0.0,0.09554808082556243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05700953384099144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213942467112714,0.0,0.1724725331911542,0.0,0.0,0.09077364408062198,0.12556727925457106,0.0,0.0658707948005218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057873687119764476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483386413472536,0.09248696844673734,0.16306042763132442,0.0592101465487341,0.14914740648817582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817225318265898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05471362147243402,0.08781215556618657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20375614430576425,0.0,0.08643598599910846,0.1361159219275322,0.1555018269206041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472938157156295,0.06575013307336115,0.0,0.0,0.12090238821842356,0.0,0.0,0.07140369820256111,0.0,0.08928546749729523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464908721241031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134806307017825,0.05472506725709582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782245654132026,0.0,0.07376383555376337,0.0,0.0,0.1511249840775822,0.06779174228628844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706612523966422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06067036111480414,0.0,0.0,0.054999016611606895 bpd,Vangoghsbloodyear,2020/01/11,"DAE: Self-harm as a means to punish themselves, because even though the loved one that a meltdown was directed at was too forgiving? (Just a heads up: abuse tw) For example, something bad (probably a slight misfortune to someone else, not even that) will happen, and I'll direct the emotions at whomever is around (I immediately feel shame, which I know wholeheartedly doesn't excuse the behavior) and they'll just take it... or handle it too well, to where I feel like I wasn't punished enough... then, y'know. I'd never do it for attention or as a threat to someone (the latter which I have done before, but the shame and consequences, also witnessing an abusive boyfriend do it to his girlfriend because she wouldn't have sex, has barred me from that and sworn me off that) So... does anyone else do this or feel this way? Sorry about being overexplanatory... 😅",5.96308400460299,7.370581430379751,5.844729574223247,78.74198504027622,66.9746835443038,8.78342922899885,30.186421173762945,9.095868883498916,2.5441949367088608,678,25,121,12,11,212,105,158,0.15,0.7909999999999999,0.059000000000000004,-0.9406,0,0,1,0,1,0,36.0,0,0,1,0,13,10,3,2,11,0,16,4,1,0,1,21,24,14,0,1,7,0,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,12,5,1,0,7,1,0,0,5,6,1,1,4,3,10,4,16,16,1,9,0,0,0,2,7,6,0,3,3,88,22,0,0.0,0.3781836527469976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762661172310708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159126509958618,0.16352207703441052,0.0,0.14207176963320095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325364257206002,0.1945730475620277,0.0,0.13580204513713764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966107094861244,0.16331923697824027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26663925365158986,0.17952085153843306,0.0,0.16490242119716156,0.0,0.21081958597318795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420853274683827,0.11401340266087075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112772569892282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16378864959546158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541648059744627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779691684234432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403907964936186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17384376390869966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230881022413498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081444718991766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17206844523134338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664904970718027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27044557409935416,0.1228626301933148,0.0,0.17865150359438312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199942128806895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15679949315036634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667764114465807,0.0,0.0,0.14349343894174915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wooow2019,2020/01/11,"I had long time do not connect with myself. Don’t know who am I. Have had goals. But always felt empty. I chose marriage for escape longly and original family. I escaped marriage which was tougher than original family. Few friends. And I was abused almost all my school years. I was always alone. Since I born without one month. My parents left me at different nannies house. In my country, parents can pay money to a stranger women who can take care children in their(nanny)own house. They called them as nannies. In those years, my parents did not meet me at nannies house. My grandma help me to transfer to different “families” . Grandma was only one relative I connect before 6 years old. Those stories was my grandma told me. She loved me, but she wasn’t healthy enough to took care me. Most nannies they did not have any training, they just take care kids as a job. I was live with couple kids. They were same situation as me. My first memories was the 6 years old birthday gift. That was a doll , she had a big blue eyes and yellow hair. She wore a pink skirt. I was so excited to see it. That was my first time know my parents. My grandma leaded me to front of two strangers, and let me call them “ papa, mama”. The lady hold my blue eyes doll birthday gift , and let me call her “mama” first. Then before school year (7years old) I lived with my parents. That was a nightmare time for me. All my memories was they always fighting and blaming each other. When my dad got angry, he always published me. I remembered one day, he throw me to the wall, I broke my leg. I stay at bed 2 months. My mom gambling, when she lost the game, I got publish too. She like bite me. I still remember clearly her screaming always. The nightmare done at one year later. My parents send me to school, I started to lived with different teachers house with couple kids. Sorry, I just wanna write them down. Too long to boring. But those all the part of my life , and those are why I can’t have a stable relationship with anyone. I just got know I my have BPD from my ex Boyfriend. We just broke up one month",2.129793593503269,4.663309409429285,2.8564871418903683,90.89633910444401,81.45657568238212,5.350981276787729,23.799289420257157,6.680037744263671,0.7993032258064519,1624,59,317,17,44,508,193,403,0.086,0.8009999999999999,0.113,0.8928,10,1,0,0,3,0,63.0,1,0,8,6,10,13,1,0,13,0,33,6,4,3,4,45,52,17,0,1,11,9,2,1,1,0,1,1,1,5,12,15,0,1,6,1,3,5,7,6,0,9,28,10,74,7,36,22,9,49,0,3,7,1,50,12,0,2,32,210,86,10,0.0,0.07449448369940039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629584470552931,0.06511769356610185,0.0,0.0,0.26157777539848504,0.0,0.0,0.04275594510056414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04396241677065767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700095749068893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918661865660133,0.0,0.19260175948676336,0.0,0.19231031189938616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913604245177494,0.0,0.040548025040811696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19706739668263606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434113240221549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496484255009162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778138265904465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036815031179005,0.0,0.0,0.16043978451077434,0.0,0.0,0.0485756932242512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085637102224564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042142593548758885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901890139508911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06239196860291828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366043105952093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831193667330404,0.1285842529361094,0.044409214134123284,0.03071667907370756,0.0,0.16655461345002434,0.16692246157868446,0.0,0.0,0.0686335459239608,0.0,0.05674553510219756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363635449048488,0.15055441126549204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979246015485234,0.0,0.21302260265762996,0.0478179164109275,0.0,0.0,0.4188796165605316,0.068085569490905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750230782274487,0.14244620200400462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908931635481062,0.050101815514434885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052009376672664816,0.07067213271502301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038142143752828,0.044501988187678775,0.06701448616623226,0.05021063410501052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454567240581364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998563926286377,0.0,0.0,0.06007805536038417,0.06985445998598251,0.0,0.0,0.06141799936544505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056733301064157075,0.0,0.0,0.060607539715280524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429297508825265 bpd,ttttrrrowu,2020/01/11,"I may have bpd can someone help me So I can tell there is something wrong with definitely lately I have been not right all my life I thought it was just anxiety but now I’m thinking it’s something more and if this is nothing what it’s liek to have bpd I’m very sorry last thing I want to do is offend anyone. So basically I know u have anxiety but because psychiatrist said I do but all my life I’ve never actually found out who I am liek when I’m with my family I feel like someone else I talk different and I feel like a different person and when I’m with my freinds I talk different and act different and see myself differently if that makes sense and I’ve noticed I very badly copy people and I don’t realise until I look at videos of myself. A couple months ago I started getting paranoid that my friend was making fun of me and I got very bad depression and my friend was best friends with someone else and I got very upset for some reason and I also copied this person a lot like actually acted like him when I was with him and when he got another friend I got depression. Also I’ve noticed when I’m with my sister or mum I act like them and talk different and precise myself different if that makes sense like I’ve never found myself properly and when I meet knew people it’s hard Because I don’t know how to act I feel helpless Again I don’t know what is wrong with me so if anyone has any idea what is wrong with please tell me because I rlly don’t know what’s acc wrong with me I feel alone",1.4496845238095233,3.6116026380952384,3.3455704365079377,88.6093080357143,81.34920634920636,6.350198412698412,22.224702380952376,7.531066641456977,0.9278273809523808,1201,39,252,19,32,403,134,315,0.16699999999999998,0.674,0.159,-0.4297,7,1,2,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,1,16,23,1,1,3,0,25,2,0,5,5,63,56,36,0,5,10,2,5,6,4,1,2,1,0,2,15,25,0,0,15,1,0,4,7,11,0,0,14,8,47,12,18,41,6,23,0,3,2,0,21,3,0,8,22,156,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.1330208594686185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060416186567066835,0.0,0.0,0.07058906690979062,0.0,0.10900866592935116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04634842090086223,0.07146751438577101,0.10427831529427514,0.0,0.0,0.09531252748655444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138148354084756,0.12464180503295864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152552286828398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168020599613884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541332372454111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740533531370087,0.0,0.0,0.4984596362806505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387119399525368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425141624494386,0.0,0.13784689693427346,0.09738132787769732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945908425078838,0.21062864308702184,0.0,0.03560869983209779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180423350334165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061054393713468665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04568353381167725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769398342184633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982703273072528,0.05555624113360382,0.07688294285711628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628120457745222,0.19978548953176392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05723387908131537,0.0,0.0,0.05794379858408584,0.0,0.0,0.1364839887099097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054401473334308836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051322262336282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539752544337928,0.1551921279661259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450158512795846,0.1190223901848957,0.0,0.07481482716151303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007572500835947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058204856288673966,0.06483196878731007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05431151218616703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17324508682618164,0.10493964565165698,0.0,0.07629506812947254,0.04824117148144903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434364652298125,0.1191427057881317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04527982156661372,0.043671616297834184,0.0,0.05410825525779051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22494336960773992,0.04020017789804063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980715707686071,0.0,0.0 bpd,-Ensanguined-,2020/01/11,I live for Chris Cornell if you're a woman feelin the same hit me up ... ugh Ive already failed,-1.557142857142857,0.4119237619047631,1.187619047619048,99.01571428571432,97.09523809523807,2.8000000000000003,16.523809523809526,3.1291,-1.116504761904762,73,2,17,0,3,25,20,21,0.276,0.7240000000000001,0.0,-0.7269,0,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,9,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7808003180799798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6247806521381742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,itsjessereeves,2020/01/11,"BPD Chat Rooms Hi there! I don’t know if anybody spoke about this already, but I was just wondering if there are any chat rooms available for borderlines, when having am episode, or simply just to talk. Thanks!",3.6134615384615394,6.342426692307698,2.735576923076924,92.81567307692309,76.94871794871796,5.951282051282053,25.134615384615394,7.1686216300943375,1.0598153846153844,167,6,32,2,4,48,33,39,0.0,0.888,0.11199999999999999,0.6634,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,9,5,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,3,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,4,1,20,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4418270954779848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27227077968271873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5042620938763085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22003728620225715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32180868233118753,0.0,0.3686142836419889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43419287818209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,calm-and-reposed,2020/01/11,"Asking favors from people makes me feel like a burden I had to get money from my grandma for a car repair and I feel like an awful person for it. I try to do everything I can not to be a burden on anyone and it feels like I always am. Suicide crosses my mind a lot. Even small problems put me on the edge because it's hard for me to cope with anything. I'm trying to do everything right by taking medicine, going to therapy and attending school but I'm scared that no matter what I do suicide is always gonna be the end of the road for me.",4.108894409937888,4.025856982608698,5.798012422360253,82.75478260869566,70.47826086956522,7.962732919254659,26.86335403726708,7.447530270364453,1.3960310559006204,423,12,88,4,7,146,74,115,0.20600000000000002,0.728,0.066,-0.9565,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,8,1,9,0,0,1,0,14,20,4,2,1,2,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,0,1,5,2,4,0,0,1,4,12,4,17,16,1,11,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,4,59,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747420002206992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543719931582967,0.0,0.13585786655801405,0.0,0.15434011713012286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006394526169302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146223820286943,0.0,0.0,0.10904268602004512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967507477465913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504286708593756,0.3538284437198577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625452893325683,0.0,0.09382642884633242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789132975627076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24196900432361576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035657227138362,0.0,0.0,0.11020117938045357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669735119578616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144550313138732,0.14415325814078825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797216329405134,0.0,0.16596454578505038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098892923582826,0.0,0.0,0.16528737353336898,0.16708341493515486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611709411172163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124129750269366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887987815775262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22417527079902988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bagotrauma,2020/01/11,"Hurting loved ones and excessive guilt (cw: suicide/self harm) So, on Thanksgiving I got off of work and went to my best friend/fp's house, made some food, and we hung out. The next day I ended up sleeping in later than I hoped and had to leave for work before I could help clean up. They're disabled (they aren't unable to move or do anything, but experience a lot of fatigue and pain type symptoms that really impact them) and I felt terrible for leaving the mess, but their partner is typically over and helps out, and they also didn't make much of a deal about it at the time so other than apologizing, I kind of forgot about it. They've been less responsive recently and just a few days ago soft-blocked me on one of their Instagram accounts. I asked why because it seemed out of nowhere (I said that I noticed and wanted to talk about it but would understand if they didn't want to talk immediately or needed space). They ended up responding saying last time we hung out (Thanksgiving) they felt that their needs weren't being respected and they wanted some space. I know everything will be fine. I know what I did wrong here, and while I can understand my initial reasoning for leaving the mess, I know that it's something I should have planned out a bit better. I'm sure my friend kind of understands that too, but in the end I hurt them and overstepped their boundaries (idk if that's the right phrasing, especially since this wasn't like a specific boundary they've talked about, but either way I didn't respect their limitations and caused an additional stress for them that they didn't need). I've definitely had issues with internalized ableism and want to grow and be a better friend/person from this experience. I always try to keep their health in mind, and I made a mistake, but now I'll remember to make sure I stay mindful of these situations as well. I care about them deeply, obviously, and so right now I'm just giving the space they need and hoping I'll be able to work on it when the time comes. But holy fucking hell do I feel far guiltier than I should. All I can think about right now is killing/hurting myself. Then my thought is that I don't want them to think I've done it because of them, and also don't want all the other people in my life to have to deal with the aftermath. There are a lot of little details I end up thinking of that really are what convince me to just suck it up and cope in a healthy way. Like, mg room is a mess, I don't want my dad to have to come down to my apartment and pack all my shit. I don't want to have wasted the savings he set aside for my education. I don't want to traumatize my roommates. This is some of the deepest self-loathing I've experienced. It physically hurts so, so much. I've just got tears constantly streaming down my face. I feel like I deserve the absolute worst and desperately want to die. But I mean opposite action, am I right??? I need more soap so I might run over to Lush in a second, get myself dinner too. Maybe I'll take a nice bath! I feel like logically I've processed the situation and have a healthy understanding of what has happened/needs to be done. Part of me feels like I am rewarding myself for hurting someone, and it makes me feel even more guilty, but I think that's the irrational bpd brain. I'm going through a lot of other emotional stress as well, and so I'm thinking some simple self care at an emotional low is a smart response. I haven't been able to afford therapy in a while so I'm rusty on my skills but I'm hoping I'm on the right track!",5.7043266841292235,5.783448403385052,6.005701188797102,82.07149623883407,67.08180535966149,9.404002955201829,30.42114984216536,9.172331337620626,2.297509342467593,2814,96,583,47,42,902,307,709,0.17800000000000002,0.7,0.122,-0.9911,1,0,1,0,0,3,75.0,2,0,20,10,31,51,4,3,34,0,51,13,4,7,6,131,121,56,1,25,19,1,7,5,2,5,5,2,3,2,30,38,2,3,25,1,1,8,13,22,2,3,23,10,80,29,87,87,21,77,1,6,0,2,41,42,4,16,28,373,110,4,0.10689688804198297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04737882073003368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548540274639188,0.04447338709104412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043983515326702236,0.0,0.04996708015004036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651633507693495,0.0,0.045480689197949016,0.0,0.056090844493081576,0.0945416105896692,0.058351857845287826,0.0,0.06731644419295575,0.0596661399891481,0.0,0.0,0.10898850166292788,0.054906275061064366,0.0,0.09208220375083584,0.0,0.05775878007908755,0.0,0.0426742334112889,0.0,0.0,0.06893964942817588,0.11020599774468184,0.0,0.0,0.05547104647274415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939263027375773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024461111945095,0.1893578282557045,0.0,0.0,0.03530219319158388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0480360151105016,0.10456566840968187,0.0,0.0,0.13512569621533474,0.1145507372643012,0.10263777619090968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463007066784184,0.0,0.12388240579806024,0.04941222524065382,0.02792460599779376,0.05127261777992518,0.03037598245700528,0.0,0.08549520658373891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05681319663239324,0.0,0.0,0.07165073076484875,0.0,0.0,0.1592590944805749,0.0,0.061672328274764474,0.2860883238574206,0.0,0.0,0.05578628921620698,0.0,0.047507432853517086,0.0,0.11131665915940056,0.08812160110910681,0.04356761554590335,0.0,0.16978255461644925,0.0,0.0,0.03775221667030377,0.13056104981733502,0.053569382319093084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631986731660406,0.0482393074955228,0.10114842012394723,0.10703175425394433,0.0,0.05369614597823925,0.05822102448714156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056700352718701386,0.1079353840450548,0.0,0.0,0.056807237382848125,0.07858151242443677,0.1981567199939505,0.0,0.0,0.05684302657570156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060851407771800536,0.0,0.0,0.07243609785045467,0.0,0.0568729128338315,0.0,0.0,0.057879456361886676,0.0,0.03705442129743918,0.046669119716538164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848088373094999,0.054953902279360464,0.052773890402397536,0.0,0.06054666792431415,0.22822339578295076,0.050841709834487984,0.04250434794895257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048657456053541256,0.16727515135920354,0.0,0.05486405971276873,0.04421310521514472,0.12015658096322597,0.053487043848050975,0.0,0.045286693172229456,0.04114722346207573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05696892978461216,0.0,0.0,0.12245002408520707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074905190686312,0.055553398381514886,0.04018657816285518,0.12887950413899113,0.0,0.0,0.061122953816088677,0.0,0.0,0.17123802387535866,0.0,0.042432094303535235,0.09349865258892344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03628798504224387,0.0,0.0,0.2225668607458808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31525277085014763,0.08484977408714961,0.0,0.0,0.09611314014990277,0.04954724308450579,0.04822890735528474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673331144553335,0.0,0.0,0.03796824112173707,0.058437483059645426,0.0,0.0 bpd,fuckmyentireworld,2020/01/11,"I’m beginning to resent my best friend I’ve been friends with this girl for years. We’re in college and have very different lives but have still remained best friends. She’s in a sorority, I am not. She has close friends from her sorority which is great for her but I really envy their friendships. It makes me resent her for not including me in things they do and not spending as much time with me that she does with them. It almost pushes me to want to cut the friendship off because I feel like I deserve better and that she doesn’t appreciate me. But my wise mind reminds me that that’s irrational and that she can be a good friend while still being busy. If I were to cut off the friendship I would be very lonely because she is one of my best friends. Idk how to deal with this, if anyone has dealt with anything similar please tell me how you dealt with it",5.137509196006307,5.6673899710982685,5.003751970572782,87.20014188124017,68.36416184971098,8.37183394640042,29.022070415134,8.296473431620573,1.7637329479768784,687,23,144,9,11,212,99,173,0.08900000000000001,0.578,0.332,0.996,1,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,3,4,5,19,4,0,4,0,16,0,0,3,0,27,21,13,0,4,8,0,1,1,6,1,0,0,0,1,12,11,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,5,0,1,2,1,29,14,22,15,4,13,0,1,0,0,22,6,0,3,7,105,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135481121752121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460331087569628,0.0,0.11133849453270832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495246729316276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4259598263036013,0.11965983750463155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948600727144184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135731958723768,0.0,0.0,0.1183999455548179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841059191176507,0.09665671740791378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6271840919578557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348130744712245,0.0,0.14916621271779731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609963129730548,0.0,0.11947036454791918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031227796227212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661212703353895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945939093831964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168123585153032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851626619744285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866751832162511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21609786615155133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825616979715772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988579254005613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889318791948684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22326957521328614,0.07980210004363014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611161761740038,0.0,0.0,0.08712729505442103 bpd,250783,2020/01/11,"Unsure how to cope TL:DR version My (36m) Wife (31f) has diagnosed BPD. Depression, anxiety, PTSD. Childhood sexual trauma. Adult sexual assault. Now has had Bi-polar possibly added. 7 yrs together. 5yr old son. Backstory not as relevant but life was never easy, I was always focused on surviving vs living. Spring 2019 everything fell apart, she blamed me for ruining her life, asked for separation, moved an hour away, left our son in my care (he is her world) and went nuts on social media. Had several emotional connections, slept with an ex, ended up essentially prostitution Ng herself, I ended up taking her to ER for a sleeping pill overdose and suicide threat, did more sexual “favours” to get free drugs (just weed). The entire time I was working, paying for everything (as well as her draining our line of credit) and she was gaslighting and trickle truthing. Now seeking reconciliation, but on her terms, with zero intimacy and although she admits responsibility for what she did, says I have to get over it and we need to move forward as she was sick and it’s not the real her. I am destroyed. I have ZERO trust and am barely hanging on being a single parent and trying to make sense of all of this. Multiple attempts to make it work have ended up with arguments and us back to square one over the past couple months. I just don’t see how this can be an”forgive and forget” kind of thing. She wants to maintain “privacy” and doesn’t understand it when I do stupid things like check her phone history if I have to use her car. Because she “doesn’t remember” half the summer or the horrible things she said/did to me. And the rest of the time says that she was self destructing and it was never about me so I need to understand that. That’s all well and good, but it still ruined me. Anyways. It’s just really hard. No one in my life (including friends, family, family doctor) except my therapist (yes I am in therapy) because she can not say something like that, supports me reconciling.",3.7751728110599054,6.246752776881722,5.018046082949311,78.01635483870969,74.99462365591398,8.552503840245775,27.02642089093702,9.23628265651192,2.6746240245775734,1571,61,277,40,35,519,221,372,0.16399999999999998,0.718,0.11800000000000001,-0.9635,1,0,2,0,1,1,59.0,4,0,0,4,15,23,5,0,11,1,29,10,2,5,5,52,47,29,1,4,13,5,1,2,1,0,8,3,0,2,17,19,0,0,5,0,4,7,9,9,3,5,13,6,43,15,44,32,7,43,0,3,2,0,39,17,0,2,23,195,60,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297126034050069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628206277586112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322050526748693,0.0,0.09368596792110603,0.07667504252644343,0.0,0.12157125182021138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558814566780027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166656889752512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033327261296104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588478950150849,0.10120910459371693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206301040209392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563828939062085,0.0,0.0,0.11216648411903092,0.26495493192736397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923567221423795,0.0,0.18800574418961166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703992593770227,0.0,0.10419443652473366,0.0,0.0,0.0836366065384267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932547636293937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981996532903135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383831895287926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083411515647696,0.0,0.21129595940401474,0.09743188511859176,0.0,0.08805058822002572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331217030794107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959193802232263,0.2119635310199287,0.0,0.147875517276701,0.15381343779265946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463461340739673,0.0,0.13513956831073815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107222305871475,0.0,0.0951897006020204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241421160845162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656205007111327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349803707920195,0.06388028441319707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295819085724082,0.0,0.09485224802414434,0.23789323570450185,0.0,0.0,0.0794603205919762,0.0,0.10402498392659372,0.11265009993162067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978748483616393,0.101647365744288,0.0,0.07676584162954722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963290435974436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907254136167012,0.1131559353936215,0.0,0.0,0.07497362483586485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403333196711618,0.11577734799841374,0.19873958539569025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628978666215735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770025966334654,0.0,0.0,0.2076146450045536,0.11994543459057752,0.08612215144553614,0.0,0.0,0.05881476863843184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931236847769827,0.09243724110112717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518810173716265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hrafnkat,2020/01/11,"People with BPD: please help me understand my mother. My mother has BPD, and I didn't find out about the diagnosis until I was an adult. My initial reaction to learning of her diagnosis was, I am ashamed to say, relief: all of the drama from my childhood wasn't my fault! And then there was a sudden sinking of despair: I couldn't fix her, no matter how I tried. I had spent so long thinking that if I just adjusted my own behaviour, she would change and become a ""normal mother"", and she would be able to care for us in the ways that I had longed for her to. She has basically cut me off now in favour of my brothers, who are more willing to stroke her ego and never contradict or challenge her. They are the ""good children"", and I am the ""bad child"" (we are all grown adults, so I don't want to suggest that she is treating young kids like this). Is there anything I can do to reason with her? My (idiot) pride will not allow me to kiss her ass, but surely there must be some other way of reaching her. I know that she loves her kids, she was a great mother when we were little, up until the point where we began challenging her. Can BPD sufferers ever have an adult relationship with their children? I wish that I didn't love her so much, it would hurt far less if I didn't care.",5.912308970099666,5.224273996124033,6.278538205980066,82.87186046511631,66.7906976744186,9.07685492801772,28.893687707641195,8.192908349453996,1.7269548172757472,993,27,210,11,14,321,147,258,0.09699999999999999,0.725,0.177,0.961,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,4,0,2,3,13,23,2,1,11,0,34,5,1,3,6,43,45,18,0,10,6,5,1,1,0,6,1,1,0,8,9,13,0,0,7,1,1,1,9,8,0,0,13,2,49,15,27,23,7,25,0,3,0,4,43,9,1,4,14,163,58,3,0.13269691345353052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091982532624749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079637997992016,0.0,0.14655331544241465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5013813516571495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27058669410311537,0.0,0.14037573945101772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003195526038606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128257488924538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129987524240527,0.0,0.14629881554377444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894394395701417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205479035484755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292675330996952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648290091333948,0.1329971680104284,0.0,0.2348651853560573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395282904504239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754749969089543,0.0,0.10234404016059027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001480096202175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919953316890914,0.0,0.0,0.14566136283674255,0.1254414746464758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643452766995626,0.0,0.14246682461554758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552591164236252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506527052648772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850268240744964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009249378078192,0.0,0.0,0.13814216671312682,0.15961804834458174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826807761336907,0.2106572667330054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259490167918865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28279224017083715,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,muklukukukuhh,2020/01/12,"Trying So hard not to have a meltdown lol I’ve been Trying not to get irritated and have a meltdown at work. It’s so hard. I’m so uncomfortable in my new job because it’s fast food. It’s embarrassing. I used to be a restaurant manager. But this is where I am. Building myself back up to that. Anyway. Literally have to tell myself to breathe and not freak out and have a BPD meltdown. To not quit. To not start crying when I get frustrated. It’s tough though. Jesus Christ I almost lost it today.",0.07716171617162004,2.451204306930695,2.4577821782178217,89.43433003300333,95.03960396039604,5.06957095709571,19.604620462046206,6.742157984588678,0.4796252145214521,389,13,80,6,15,132,62,101,0.155,0.745,0.1,-0.5493,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,8,5,1,1,4,1,8,2,1,1,0,12,14,9,0,0,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,2,7,0,12,11,0,11,2,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,6,55,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218455242272444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677512016785067,0.0,0.1329880161159838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747642734607305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396379844268579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637993527980121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279586858945784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39085615101472776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21648965713901502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23814688265210684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21069982006335847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320394991315376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544144283388495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19068103281957746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143406168874596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20678971251656428,0.0,0.0,0.2962319820965635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18841977676301336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882272596999658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,enla_92,2020/01/12,Anyone else feel this way I am so intense about latching onto people. I do crazy shit to keep them with me. But when they slip alway I cry and am in turmoil for about a week. After a short amount of time I kind of forget about them. It’s like they never existed to me. I have zero emotions towards them and it’s like they’re dead to me. It’s such a contrast to how I originally felt for said person.,1.1709705882352957,2.997022729411768,3.130220588235293,91.54474264705885,80.52941176470588,5.191176470588236,20.036764705882355,5.985473137389443,-0.038499999999999535,312,8,68,2,8,105,58,85,0.20600000000000002,0.7170000000000001,0.077,-0.9072,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,5,0,7,5,1,1,3,0,4,1,1,2,1,11,8,6,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,3,14,3,16,6,1,11,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,0,8,50,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21616119815330326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816470965161987,0.2661795301190558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853606565600058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170162969289482,0.29222216825815744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135465637195873,0.0,0.24943349414559665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23090806161853686,0.0,0.2705251836234044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538347970024665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20036152800917675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801015984713406,0.2268334726571417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471141874462408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666646652927112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148220910905993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20620454196762592,0.20838315058889434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,666saucepan,2020/01/12,Weed + bpd What effect does weed have on your mind as a person with bpd? When i smoke a lot it made me depressed when i stop. Is that even a phenomenon that happens to others? Or was it a coincidence because the depression ended after i got my period. I cant tell if it's pmdd or withdrawal,1.2579234972677575,3.2661197377049227,4.043852459016397,84.17812841530056,81.13114754098359,7.3453551912568305,21.642076502732237,8.344100000000001,1.3261781420765026,228,7,48,5,6,81,48,61,0.16899999999999998,0.812,0.019,-0.8577,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,5,0,4,0,0,2,0,9,7,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,7,0,5,4,1,7,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,4,6,35,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386143006974292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5944592974100881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40652731477004456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20652234873726955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090230754415084,0.0,0.0,0.15587362949200584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18874816193506744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086911491178153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006359999145272,0.0,0.2233058336707057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23828944522527815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060632617337777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19730385258345745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062715639330678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GudetamaChauntor,2020/01/12,"My life means nothing. I am nothing. It's time to leave/ Borderline Personality Disorder and mental illness has completely robbed me of a life, starting when I was just a little kid. I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask to be treated unfairly, abandoned, to be traumatized. I had to grow up during a time where there was no real help for this. I was only properly diagnosed in 2015. i'm 32 and I don't know who I am or what I want. My life has just been one incident or setback or mental breakdown after another. I've done treatment, I'm on meds, I try to cope with DBT skills but ultimately I have no idea who I am or what I want. The only thing I do know I want is love; to be in love and be loved in return. It's like the only time I see myself and the real me is when I'm in a loving relationship. I don't have that anymore, and with how I'm slowly letting myself go and giving up, nobody will want me anymore. I'm sad all the time, scared all the time. I'm afraid to move forward in any direction because every choice Ive made feels like the wrong one. I want to be free of this pain so badly. I'm even too afraid to kill myself, but I want to be dead so badly. I feel like I'm getting to a breaking point. The world is falling apart and I feel like I have even less of a place in it.",2.0976087701267545,3.0724277194244607,4.2591880781089415,88.10480815347724,75.76258992805755,7.165741692360397,24.02946214457005,7.62386473244151,0.9727980130181572,998,30,227,13,21,346,134,278,0.174,0.654,0.172,-0.5891,0,0,0,0,0,2,30.0,0,0,0,1,12,20,1,3,13,0,31,10,0,2,2,37,63,18,2,6,8,0,3,4,0,1,6,0,0,2,12,9,0,1,7,0,1,5,6,10,0,2,9,4,31,11,28,46,3,31,0,2,1,4,13,16,0,4,15,146,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457929815775917,0.09957883851069432,0.0,0.0,0.18835906248144904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17755847600960795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858322781571824,0.057889640637105874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956875159980637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638723968719512,0.0,0.0,0.10883785054099447,0.0,0.0,0.09718192788014668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544666616645053,0.0,0.0800119121394491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405111896284806,0.20352854592815248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04961517132128255,0.09109885795497387,0.05397066564791146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365288166418405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720366298628893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506444467528436,0.0,0.10438030498931036,0.0,0.0,0.10055397660550316,0.0,0.09710790849345724,0.20122927048674785,0.1855799535387643,0.09517964484609297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34283764018006035,0.08985795885039884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034444713260534,0.10548444805408516,0.0,0.19140429871604114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093251862753076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822425106314276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128701167886825,0.21667495413240306,0.10104920778520053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291957173298797,0.09921796947463912,0.0,0.08977240030318209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161813909508362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019566203710081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507629867700763,0.0,0.07567462430643462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672165509854971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309037159507809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768735971228519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447484325892781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360760807828381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038290650839595,0.0,0.0 bpd,erinjaeger16,2020/01/12,"Anyone super emotional about the state of political affairs in the world right now? I think I've cried like 10 times in the last week over world politics, the protests, the unfairness. I also found out about other things like the harsh bans on abortion across the map. That completely negates the woman's right... what if the woman ended up dying from childbirth complications?! The fact that teenagers and young adults are afraid of being drafted, the events in Iran... all of this is so much and it breaks my heart completely, I wish there was something more I could do besides sign petitions and vote. There are no rallies anywhere near where I live. Why can't people just be diplomatic and compassionate?",5.5296536796536815,8.122174476190478,4.516955266955268,83.08006493506495,70.1111111111111,7.756421356421356,28.121212121212125,8.575989854853784,2.19424761904762,568,21,98,10,11,167,95,126,0.071,0.799,0.13,0.8370000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,9,6,1,1,11,0,9,1,1,0,2,15,12,7,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,6,4,15,7,3,24,0,0,0,0,5,15,0,1,9,65,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322135342533578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271378887278094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279969012524028,0.0,0.0,0.16295989514006815,0.0,0.22419791603589487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118270252071345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295887664850284,0.18077496283938896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22378875849132385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418634201226035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637144931079334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19942914763157096,0.0,0.180226973293237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003942661623326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149954495747835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486062447740325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712870940315482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355971783702094,0.13078116785731908,0.0,0.0,0.11901428882374104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16371937414995424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417150249869915,0.0,0.23470874830267816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sunflowersandfear,2020/01/12,"do you attach easily? i fall in love and attach super easily to others n its hard to cope sometimes ans i hate it because it ends up hurting me n i end up breaking my own heart? i dont know how to cope with this and how to stop doing this? i will fall in love and attached to someone who is simply noce to me but be upset when feelings arent the same on their end and its really not healthy",0.783088235294116,2.5127997058823546,3.130220588235293,91.54474264705885,81.35294117647058,5.661764705882352,20.036764705882355,6.6274283507984215,0.18914705882352967,305,8,68,3,8,105,57,85,0.158,0.72,0.122,-0.493,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,1,1,3,6,1,1,2,0,7,3,1,2,0,13,12,8,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,2,10,3,12,10,2,13,0,1,0,2,5,5,0,0,5,50,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715364148414835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636901145596415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5978310365145245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376321858961995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20154953045316196,0.2221340021862903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666177824549543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408596546364081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365026601437935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4061299247242852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14413627391564726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906358345914934,0.0,0.2225238251785226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18810421839650726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,organicamphibian9,2020/01/12,":| pls excuse the grammar mistakes that r to come. lots of run ons incoming :p ive been trying really hard to not. i tried really hard not to start in the first place because i knew i would keep coming back to it once i did. ""just one more time"". i was never that bad and though slipped up a few times i forgave myself and tried focusing on being better. but ive been having rly bad urges a lot recently and my will to fight it has slowly been fading. the other day i had a really really bad panic attack and i sat on the toilet my body convulsing and just crying and pinching myself and gripping a pair of scissors in my hand. i literally would open the scissors for a little and then force myself to close it with my other hand and try to push it away but i couldnt put it down for the life of me as if my hand had turned to rock. i heard my roommate come in and for the first time ever i asked her for help. ik im just bad at asking for help ik its a big problem for me bc i just feel weak and alone but i just had to. and she helped me it was good i am grateful. then she hid all the sharp things in the room. things were fine the folowing days i continued to float through life as i do when i am not in a depressive or manic episode. then some stuff happened (not even rly a big deal) regarding a guy that i like that has made me feel even more confused, my close friend going through something really really hard, and just confusions about myself and decisions ik i need to make soon. everything just feels like so much all the time i just cant!! handle!! anything!! i woke up feeling incredibly empty and depressed and cried a bit. i couldnt stop thinking about cutting. then i stopped crying and had a like a moment of clairty and just pure indifference and got up. i remembered i had a broken piece of glass from a painting palette in a bag and took and went to the bathroom and tried to cut with it. i just didnt care i was really just so calm. and when that wasnt working that well i searched for where my roommate hid the sharp objects and found the scissors again and then went to the bathroom to cut with that. then i heard her come back into the room and as the great pretender i am i walked out acting like i had just washed my face n doing normal bathroom stuff made some joke and got back in bed all the while hiding the scissors under my shirt. i feel embarrassed and ashamed but still even typing this out now i dont feel anything that much. i kinda just want to do it again and ik thats bad. i just ugh i dont know im tired and hurting and sad and lonely and confused and weak and terribly terribly insecure.",2.39754051018771,4.079265343173436,3.548390823038666,90.60849350232631,76.380073800738,6.5580619284453725,22.852719396759184,7.34059242885,0.7446278196695006,2064,60,444,25,46,668,242,542,0.20199999999999999,0.645,0.153,-0.9838,0,3,1,0,1,0,39.0,0,0,0,4,36,42,5,7,34,0,36,12,6,3,6,113,72,56,0,10,24,0,15,4,1,3,6,2,3,1,25,48,0,3,12,3,0,13,12,29,1,3,29,17,62,13,59,37,14,77,0,5,0,0,16,30,0,10,38,316,87,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277227456251245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564250838451748,0.0,0.13137463984587205,0.07993540088521807,0.06601530563973433,0.1620859498911937,0.2933373684559913,0.04283225932337475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06214276481821021,0.07671004875352935,0.07804742236972206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163879253257112,0.0,0.0,0.2421047281060808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23154499012340016,0.09062888593381184,0.07243905997252306,0.12103649574332954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469768130996834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922605350524914,0.06355777669467194,0.0,0.0,0.06314871877467426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131654235657552,0.05019658879068512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953298107645023,0.0,0.07704080809610117,0.05428576306670313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03993262907568927,0.0589340780249395,0.1123930189612856,0.07746626661921052,0.0,0.06957236967806404,0.06213418991576765,0.0,0.18882812723288853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14128935872368475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521902500209926,0.0,0.1517942735354382,0.0,0.0,0.062453838231006926,0.0,0.0,0.038615236183461334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992590292158682,0.1373096914700347,0.07042294934789174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947181636909165,0.0,0.1329709203025323,0.046901740522496335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330419410444537,0.052099837821369135,0.05419189945249595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688437647176574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482882680730538,0.047612679379946427,0.0,0.0,0.08243962068086258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341088580453975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672331226784419,0.0,0.07063468926653839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31509025475502633,0.0,0.06937718617999834,0.0,0.07959537227850164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05409263105584376,0.0,0.0,0.0497331942459539,0.0,0.056112891150521337,0.11748763758651068,0.0,0.0,0.16087085292532896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336050896941823,0.045022309982877616,0.06903398632587286,0.0,0.1638859261345653,0.0807580885528417,0.0,0.0,0.07806584759264641,0.2385230911703237,0.07642701430584689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04144350551051552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631757405762637,0.13027079421164786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05115300147991726,0.0,0.0,0.0998270058600854,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ellen-7,2020/01/12,"How to get help? I want to know more about getting help for BPD in the UK. I’ve struggled with mental health issues for a decade, depression, anxiety and panic attacks. Also have a problem with substance abuse. Last 12 months I have become someone I do not recognise. My relationships are being destroyed because of how I am. Severe up and down mood, insane anger outbursts, abusing alcohol and drugs even though i know it’s bad, pushing people away, not caring, feeling like my life is a movie, like I can’t control myself. Research I’ve done points to bpd. What’s the process if you think you need help for this specific thing",4.427627118644068,6.606422271186446,4.5120000000000005,83.73088135593221,72.05084745762713,6.4149152542372905,29.59661016949153,7.1686216300943375,1.8151633898305088,500,21,87,5,10,155,89,118,0.341,0.5920000000000001,0.067,-0.9886,0,0,2,0,1,0,16.0,0,2,0,1,7,12,3,2,5,0,9,4,0,3,0,18,18,8,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,5,1,1,4,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,1,1,11,3,14,16,1,8,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,1,4,55,15,1,0.0,0.3406835942453205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15364447342266258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497137035763973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998227256298096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355707225120272,0.13507494795337827,0.0,0.12004043423870883,0.08763975479268457,0.15878067160694434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621420073051883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658125231727473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124825100354392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382733219634702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712477458768708,0.0,0.0,0.1667254581177988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495753420984723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269351709318765,0.10270802433819057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022589191224334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281886407208836,0.0,0.0,0.28909436366346136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500566391991561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802247576201447,0.11719026410596715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154772499581056,0.1404757521689481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448845218343562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475439838468834,0.0,0.0,0.10660229190645623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868099548813315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967076149865144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590741043015975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756674241719352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435323333271078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16241713378059194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181432164328075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502977285978153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551319779359443,0.0921208516531914,0.14125151765364194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479820392543982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lovemydogs91,2020/01/12,"Husband issues Tw um relationship, possible emotional abuse/manipulation, uncaring Dr, suicide, self harm...hope I'm doing this right... X X X X X X X X X X X So Fri I had an appointment with my psychiatrist in which I was feeling hopefully since the diagnosis of BPD was tagged on in between my appts w/ him. I've been doing horrible, thinking about dying every day/ suicide, self harm has picked up, I literally live w/ tears in my eyes and have to force myself to be cheery on the phone at work. No such luck, he refused to change any meds and said I ""need therapy"". Well of course I do, but at their health center I only get to see someone about once a month. When I was told I can always pick up cancellations I did so once and she was 20 min late w/ no excuse and scolded me saying I was ""too dependent"" all this like 3 weeks after being Baker acted to hospital for suicide attempt. So what the f### am I supposed to do? He was like you can go anywhere for therapy...ya well I live in the mid of no where and my insurance covers no one w/ dbt experience or even lists experience with bpd....so they probably won't accept me. So then at night when I couldn't hold it in no more I started to cry, so my husband starts baggering me to talk, like u try so hard not to talk, I have to force stuff out of you etc. When he knew about appt and everything anyways. So I eventually tried talking to him and he basically insinuated that my weight was the reason for all my physical symptoms ( I was skinnier and still had symptoms yrs ago) and then when I try to talk about job he got on his high horse about how it's my fault and I'd have a better job if I wasn't a "" little b****"" and worked 3rds. I tried to work 3rds and I literally ended up in the psych ward cuz I can't do it...so now it's like I am pretty hopeless already and my husband acts like he's trying to be nice and yet says this shit to me...I've been considering leaving but I have no self confidence, fear I can't make it on own and have 3 dogs...and now w/ the diagnosis I question myself even more. Thanks for letting me air this out here. Any thoughts or opinions are welcome.",1.8353359908883853,3.696740207289295,3.9307966970387263,86.4284046127563,78.58997722095674,7.123485193621867,24.41463553530752,8.07648339933343,1.3662614578587702,1657,59,357,30,40,567,229,439,0.135,0.7390000000000001,0.126,-0.6103,2,0,0,0,1,4,70.0,0,2,2,5,30,19,1,1,11,0,38,7,2,7,2,47,55,35,4,4,6,3,3,5,0,1,4,3,0,3,12,19,1,2,7,0,0,3,12,5,3,1,19,8,49,14,50,30,6,49,0,1,2,0,34,25,1,8,26,222,61,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500598106344394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337461832765527,0.0,0.07040635411728399,0.0,0.0,0.11508203274470187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483498052855797,0.0,0.0,0.21313894523316185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895113179140767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294546666352023,0.054569594175782984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781688098595081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518034520105192,0.07494366397008541,0.0,0.09436795223669857,0.11177465345174696,0.0,0.0712916813551028,0.0,0.0760463933931905,0.16553916758107928,0.0,0.09521525838728732,0.0427838230472769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044207779687241766,0.0,0.04808858324980145,0.0,0.06767424502368563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757983076874428,0.0,0.0,0.08994165504971563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940026081299679,0.0,0.0840416627847035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831594556548714,0.1679344137260742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544926424049002,0.08959493489736954,0.0,0.08652444222693093,0.0,0.20669276861115804,0.08480633358734567,0.1494329691754295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05648108591602219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398805074779597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753878572271367,0.0,0.0,0.06274085744831012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940532794909311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802241600765911,0.0573372289555202,0.06435342511132057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095390557620065,0.0,0.08608374717941755,0.09122914622439468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478802470205977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699818379217668,0.0,0.09084470920860983,0.0,0.07226064067685674,0.08048812246315289,0.13457828912791947,0.0,0.0,0.06742710002129193,0.0,0.2648153044315804,0.0,0.08685595294420204,0.06999429874836488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169390875845517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978168766409075,0.0,0.06757354824708138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686378761467404,0.27766481815752225,0.0,0.0,0.1758945065668333,0.0,0.2720409245584401,0.0,0.07790200826854406,0.09676448349346764,0.0,0.0,0.054217795117027526,0.0,0.06717475894869047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085313887881429,0.0,0.2872397283184919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787294860399448,0.10303812202014642,0.1521578684093731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18480190964749987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pookiepookz,2020/01/12,"Why is it so hard to stay happy and be happy? I dont get it. I tend to ruin the happiness around me with intrusive thoughts. Why can't I just be normal? Why cant I just raise the happiness as it is, and just go with it?",-0.698599999999999,0.8791703400000017,2.47,95.165,85.6,6.4,18.0,7.554174236665415,0.18340000000000067,167,4,43,3,5,60,30,50,0.098,0.64,0.262,0.8879,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,10,11,4,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,5,4,6,8,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579870742140448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20799503016332227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272142417677838,0.0,0.10086102394443412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.75568595315547,0.1589794169418023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738841834944417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189160781852158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089238053843967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4804207060423926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,prfktangel,2020/01/12,"Life is stressful af right now, but little things like this from the people I care for make such a big difference. [This two word text](https://imgur.com/WHSJ4WD) my bf sent me when he woke up today just turned my whole mood around. Such a simple thing, but so, so helpful. (sorry if this sounds braggy. I'm just trying to spread a lil positivity, focus on the good, ya know, that annoying stuff) I have a ton going on in my life, basically extreme stress and very limited time to make money, find employment, sell my stuff, move out, etc.. I'm also getting sober again, for what feels like the millionth time. But amidst all this, while super stressed out this morning cleaning and making a list of everything I want to accomplish today, I got 2 little words from my bf that he sent the moment he woke up and it just lifted me right up. I just wanted to celebrate something good, and I know that this might come off as codependency but I really don't think that's what's happening. We havent been together super long, but he knows I struggle with borderline, depression, and crazy emotions in general. I've never really had someone text me first thing in the morning and throughout the day the way he does, and god, its so comforting, even if we're talking about nothing. I'm just grateful. I want to focus on it for a second. I hope all of you have little things like this that make a huge difference in your days. I'm practicing being more aware of these moments. I have always been so affected by the smallest stuff - mostly negatively, throughout my life, as we all can understand - but lately I'm doing my best to be mindful of those small things that make a huge positive impact. I'm grateful for every little thing my loved ones do to show me they care. To me, the little things matter the most. They're the most important bits and pieces of my life, somehow. I'm going to collect these moments and cherish them, because it's far too easy to overlook, especially when life is really putting you through it.",5.285513864649992,6.627850667539268,5.589034322280399,80.19138355633122,68.50261780104711,8.59119643203413,28.807834012022496,8.94667605116694,2.3106750824122546,1593,56,292,28,27,507,203,382,0.083,0.6940000000000001,0.223,0.9968,1,0,1,0,0,0,60.0,2,4,2,6,21,21,1,4,19,0,16,6,0,6,4,61,52,27,0,6,13,0,1,3,2,1,5,1,1,0,33,16,0,1,7,1,2,7,4,6,0,4,8,2,33,14,41,41,13,52,0,1,0,1,20,26,0,8,21,197,66,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219389637743671,0.06471217633494218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923318577082138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04740882718162711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161646452026276,0.0,0.0849064117069724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858659750052653,0.0,0.0,0.06699332113197794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003124574508425,0.0,0.06698453922361461,0.0,0.0,0.1625094754905109,0.0,0.0,0.06805842494185095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874825484076456,0.0,0.0,0.08673585846152335,0.051367388459693235,0.0,0.06552590192897619,0.0,0.06989607231612692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039323642532409935,0.05556002509972873,0.0,0.0,0.0710818059681035,0.06615245765550287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04063243538689034,0.0,0.0883987508790703,0.13046220602554692,0.062201029043651934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877314244732058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052128643971847084,0.0,0.0,0.07724471703996927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822366279896658,0.0,0.08772971837572767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746617991117218,0.11398578202678818,0.3897377219875808,0.0,0.06882539206224549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019187826947408,0.0,0.2595656341825389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250334555977437,0.07852711545001535,0.0,0.0,0.08265887091293904,0.0,0.0,0.05998222919764179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746239188616868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052700028530744604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05391701423775737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818190843455619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494673774620929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283299157252354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589559882606483,0.059872354109663115,0.0,0.08705890528793729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26726121178711193,0.08130373091230614,0.2670895226650736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250984197754672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616758272465342,0.049832881734797004,0.0,0.0,0.09069845570082273,0.0,0.14743670941126025,0.0,0.0,0.052801790924674484,0.08459313541875889,0.07597152317358276,0.08096294706212254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416969009253931,0.13761506081538422,0.06173145224431704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682918044746983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,myinternetsux,2020/01/12,"DAE have physical pain/anxiety attacks around their FP? I recently got into a relationship with my FP and he's honestly so amazing. But whenever I'm around him, my heart starts pounding and I start shaking and getting really sweaty. I think it's because he suggested that a relationship wouldn't be healthy for me and I thought we were going to break up. Last night, he texted me and my blood pressure went up (I got hooked up to take my vitals. 154/79 with a heart rate of 104). I frequently have to go to the bathroom after getting stomach pains whenever we talk. If anyone goes through this, please give me some advice. I really like him and I don't want us to split up, but sometimes it gets too intense and I feel like I'm going to pass out.",2.756122448979593,5.020760768707486,3.9172448979591854,85.67954081632655,77.36734693877553,7.465306122448977,27.506802721088434,8.418075326091056,2.0855659863945566,591,25,116,12,14,192,95,147,0.068,0.823,0.109,0.7777,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,3,0,1,0,4,9,1,2,4,0,6,5,4,0,0,24,25,11,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,15,0,0,3,0,0,6,2,4,0,0,5,1,22,5,20,18,1,22,0,0,0,0,14,8,0,2,9,69,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496419670236044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134860081155858,0.0,0.0,0.1037285483307951,0.0,0.0,0.2641227950895186,0.0,0.16876755495511608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904317186022418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500933449128185,0.1059800221613438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325175192978648,0.14230916269135188,0.2529291939766795,0.0,0.23729530088123765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515867900613745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092362663066035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449509269010523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921478681187074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157060027611725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284183453592369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19007138012623495,0.0,0.14647600376805495,0.3185410136098418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467202162704835,0.0,0.21000331517820944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115394246951366,0.1192367070783567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505557099979056,0.0,0.11777194286227438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784446836915008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749964366628951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752031751695715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sevenbluemoons,2020/01/12,"BPD & Appetite I've been concerned for a a while recently on my unhealthy eating habits. Since middle school, I have long had issues around food and eating. I have read that eating disorders are commonly co-occuring issues with BPD. How should I inquire upon eating disorders with a psychiatrist, and what can they do to help me with this? I'm finally back in therapy, getting with a DBT therapist, a DBT group, and a general therapist I see every 2 weeks. I am also in college now as well. I never eat in the morning and have morning classes, and I'm just about dying with fatigue and borderline about to faint some days so far. My family is a little concerned about me, too. How has anyone here managed seeking treatment for BPD as well as eating disorders and how did the process look like? Do BPD symptoms contribute to the disordered eating behaviors?",6.1184048027444256,7.520691006289311,6.745385934819898,72.44665523156091,66.61006289308176,10.058547741566613,34.58033161806747,10.230975488527342,3.938152201257864,686,32,111,17,11,225,100,159,0.036000000000000004,0.898,0.066,0.5484,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,0,16,4,0,0,10,0,14,11,0,3,1,22,19,16,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,13,8,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,3,2,11,3,22,15,1,19,0,1,2,0,3,9,0,1,11,82,14,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973076493565257,0.0,0.09447703990019764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06096960634208003,0.0,0.0,0.07762309943460856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704849097939625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4392822161929718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562343316470522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049588299421896,0.0,0.3997375711477785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6245643259784127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346655428817464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220081155497573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095519168543541,0.0,0.0,0.1054379840470275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045556412538164184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05844577090259165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820203447602917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04259965599775512,0.08739349377162398,0.0,0.07716588789310336,0.07322284213919872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725108038117067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872197906497406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609572226750246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882472036333428,0.06948407738533242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212959283771189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906302325184186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971644720132812,0.20248300404171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994352733072326,0.0,0.15679970071389013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,froggyprince,2020/01/12,"DAE Have an FP that isn't a partner? Like a family member, a friend or a pet or anyone else, I don't know if ita common for an fp to not be a partner.",2.354166666666668,1.0116571944444497,5.524444444444447,87.515,74.27777777777777,8.311111111111114,23.555555555555557,7.1686216300943375,0.6676555555555561,113,2,30,1,2,43,27,36,0.067,0.83,0.102,0.2709,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,5,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,19,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386585517359939,0.4962588221928892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046000526879439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4565882816520367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37419630505565465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661780526313638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366217968295171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chachacha69,2020/01/12,Veganism helped anybody? I recently switched to a fully vegan diet and over the weeks of the switch I’ve found my moods have gotten significantly more stable. I suspect this may be because of lower blood pressure..anyone have any experience with diet change?,5.1546666666666665,8.481688466666665,6.275555555555558,66.10000000000002,75.44444444444446,8.044444444444443,29.0,8.841846274778883,3.266466666666667,211,9,29,5,5,70,39,45,0.113,0.831,0.055999999999999994,-0.3706,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,4,3,1,0,0,5,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,5,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26333555052684376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27076625707985896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360570774512485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4096471294277152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787936899361544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4245871754358638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595578941522453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38235143487992895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106194748256376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Nokorrium,2020/01/12,"I'm not very skilled, but I wrote lyrics (I guess about BPD) for a song with no melody. You can interpenetrate the meaning how you like. I still claim ownership of the lyrics, but if you're more musically gifted, feel free add your own music to it. I don't write for profit. Might itch that BPD brain and encourage more art. Can never have too much art. I hear you got ur fifty dollars, I hope for you it pays off. A scotoma of distant memories, my love seemed to kill you didn't it dear? I can see the light within you, regardless of what you've been through my love. Like a cold that won't let go, I'll be there to help dig your hole. Don't shine that light. Shine that light. Don't shine your light. Shine your light on me. What you wouldn't do for recognition, was it worth the price you paid? Excited only by the risk of falling, whispers and conspiracies, all check out. Let's agree that life is fiction, key already in the ignition and fuck it all. The last thing I can think to do, is to try to save you from yourself. Don't shine that light. Shine that light Don't shine your light, Shine your light on me. N. Korrum 2020",1.570391304347826,3.711724647826088,2.2134782608695645,97.00413043478262,80.78260869565217,5.91304347826087,19.130434782608692,7.079830092131019,0.006304347826087131,879,21,204,11,23,271,130,230,0.094,0.722,0.183,0.9782,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,15,0,1,5,14,2,1,10,0,23,6,2,2,3,27,39,7,1,4,4,0,1,2,0,3,2,3,0,0,15,6,0,0,4,3,8,2,11,3,0,0,6,23,27,12,25,27,6,11,0,0,9,3,23,6,1,5,5,119,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19007831358380164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4338769142465203,0.19228407719581747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709301391688362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592391284959786,0.0,0.0,0.097891664463696,0.0,0.13776127386160694,0.0,0.18974895661477584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941343420242545,0.0,0.11545320887215668,0.0,0.0,0.17107965546739726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19056524950633974,0.0,0.0,0.14040389997391864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522674653311665,0.12166280818343855,0.16830189441723165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109184112808005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876269517173596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18272633358175647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662100819604424,0.0,0.13284713179788346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100123714110445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372581724181203,0.15680675903708324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755629017521478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443293153665746,0.11036861244148606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694407780380225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421214148121067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dolyn5353,2020/01/12,"Journaling tips? I'm trying to get back into journaling after MANY years and was wondering how you guys go about it? What do you like to write about, do you write whatever is on your mind or do you have certain topics? I know I'm overthinking it but I feel kind of goofy about writing to my journal. My mind is always racing but I find when I decide to journal is the one time it's quiet (of course) Thanks for sharing!",1.5781045751633975,3.894082000000002,3.0862745098039213,89.75712418300655,81.94117647058823,6.130718954248366,21.20915032679739,7.3871296695380915,0.790699346405229,330,10,67,5,9,108,58,85,0.0,0.8640000000000001,0.136,0.8929,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,5,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,1,1,17,16,6,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,11,5,13,15,0,8,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,2,6,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21942012071422373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027695736798173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333350055594616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410176774982704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777274050185664,0.0,0.14986719414657385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611051682576865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746037168279725,0.14492301739395833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288308500220546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673511370209489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5325251019900674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17869043009785449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427801904028457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376600838969434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17903547670306666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859721782756216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698146156291947 bpd,elisha37,2020/01/12,"breakdown recovery i recently had a really bad breakdown over text with my fp and told them i wanted to stop being friends. as soon as i was feeling better, i went back to them and told them i wanted to continue being friends if they would still have me. they said that they love me and still want to be friends, so we're working out some boundaries to help prevent future breakdowns like the one i had. i still feel guilty but i believe them when they say its ok.",6.6099999999999985,6.110595652173918,6.207739130434785,83.32856521739133,65.30434782608695,9.099130434782607,33.61739130434783,8.238735603445708,2.3862626086956515,368,14,74,4,5,114,62,92,0.062,0.72,0.218,0.8642,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,8,2,7,8,0,0,2,1,8,1,0,0,0,16,18,9,0,5,2,0,2,1,3,1,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,7,4,19,7,10,7,1,13,0,0,0,1,17,2,0,2,11,55,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101204272144768,0.15311913793989113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066125322095069,0.0,0.1621894719423259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545032333010925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42504928473321096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291935915361316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959283682194086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655124714030896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426668412619225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748137461580617,0.0,0.18107094565707224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444149764890138,0.14583542010964634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4393554202882851,0.15331839479343226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504651917328993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32449635740473226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700000907949874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350674567768206,0.0,0.0,0.1302717171773324,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PenguinPlates,2020/01/12,BPD is heriditary... There's no way that it's not... For privacy reasons I'm going to leave it at that but there is zero doubt in my mind. Also... Does anyone know of a good online Dr that specializes in BPD?,0.17651162790697586,2.3638485116279107,2.8570232558139534,89.8966976744186,87.13953488372093,6.2306976744186064,17.902325581395353,7.554174236665415,0.5338502325581396,158,4,34,3,5,55,35,43,0.133,0.7809999999999999,0.086,-0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,6,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,6,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184967486668064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910442365795469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6882309126673516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390997418610549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15527922174281938,0.2291669239332507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015650010465875,0.0,0.0,0.28930425524689485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758778659546406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28091928186184884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168721111153417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pillpup,2020/01/12,identity? does anyone feel like they don't really know who they are or do your favourite things keep changing ?? like say you like 1 style and you buy stuff for it but then you suddenly like another one and kind of ditch your old one? or you just dont really know what you like? sorry if this doesnt make sense i just feel like i've struggled with my identity for awhile,0.4422909090909109,2.9087441866666697,1.3864242424242406,97.26654545454548,93.8,5.927272727272728,16.151515151515152,7.348242739294969,0.1895333333333329,294,7,65,6,11,91,50,75,0.055,0.7509999999999999,0.193,0.8862,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,7,2,0,2,8,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,15,11,7,0,1,6,0,2,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,4,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,3,11,7,4,11,0,3,0,0,0,0,11,0,0,3,9,37,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19358187010067687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908506384645493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19529510961588367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16155528162690186,0.0,0.21636399133192466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18669083656717156,0.2637738240299716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164091705556284,0.0,0.1922450799921648,0.20291595025322234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5411528442667949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323000177231247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937193304678056,0.0,0.2501958562310113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365344607034739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14681094156374774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20665811725645214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929966371698733,0.21133667184049496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122648067615392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WhoaAFrog,2020/01/12,"DAE want to sleep excessively around their SO? I feel bad cause I don't want him to think I don't value my time with him, cause I do. I just really like to sleep with him there, cause I feel safe with him. And if I wake up from a nightmare, he'll be there to make me feel better. I don't need the extra sleep, but I really really enjoy sleeping next to him. It gets to the point that when we have spare time together, I don't wanna do anything. All I wanna do is cuddle with him and sleep. I'm starting to get scared he'll see me as lazy and boring.",1.8786666666666685,2.7556235333333383,3.671666666666667,92.48666666666668,76.16666666666666,7.0,18.333333333333336,7.3871296695380915,0.0023333333333339645,424,6,103,5,9,143,67,120,0.122,0.7659999999999999,0.113,-0.4681,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,1,1,6,7,0,1,3,0,10,7,6,4,1,27,25,8,0,6,3,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,4,22,4,17,22,2,8,0,0,1,1,10,3,0,1,6,66,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289925054270734,0.12213204779950992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455154170379545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133724307154445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4228091314512959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081087387189068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335675834156592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702622364291766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157828601454474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172786331944833,0.0,0.0,0.1459077350072526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969299463534453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636706181497323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735546618584166,0.0,0.1093261248564193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6864670910608004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710685864394154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790859219115414,0.0,0.0,0.1599982436697741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184155039052042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AdministrativeDirt1,2020/01/12,"I’m walking in a busy mall. I’m walking in a busy mall. A group of 3 girls are laughing, walking in my direction. I give the group a glance, or I just see them in my periphery, or if I look in their direction, I look above and around them only. I lift my head up a little higher, walk a bit more assuredly, frown a little and clench my jaw to sharpen the features of my face, and proudly I walk straight past them never knowing what they looked like. The couple wrapped around each other waiting with me for the crosswalk. I don’t dare look at them. Why? They or someone else might see me looking, might think me pathetic for desiring the intimacy they share, would know for sure that I am unloved. Because of how I look and the way I carry myself, they might even come to the conclusion that I’ve never had a girlfriend and that I’m one of those queer, creepy, hovering males whose contact with females comes only in the form of wheel #3. So I don’t dare to look. I look straight ahead with my shoulders back, pretending not to notice their affection because I too have what they have, as if it’s hard to find love, or at least someone to pretend they love you. HA! But I have no one. I have never had anyone. ... Who can love this? And if you can love this, there is something terribly wrong with you yourself, and so this will not love you back. So I will never have anyone. I am picky about what I eat and whom I love, and yet I’m starving. You don’t know, but I am a treasure to behold, I don’t know what love is but whatever it is, mine can be so deep for you that I fall to my knees and worship the ground you walk on, that my heart would feel stabbed a million times over if you ever cried a single sad tear. And of course I’d watch you sleep just to see the gentleness of your dreaming eyes. ... But none of this you will ever know. I only write this because my identity is hidden, I write only because I know you will never know this. And I will never know this. Because I triple-check to make absolutely sure you will never know this. I won’t end on a poetic note. Poetry that’s obviously poetry is pathetic. What even are any of you besides some usernames and maybe a cool little anecdote? Don’t respond. I hope you hate me. I hope you forget me. Thanks! (I can’t save myself from what is now your opinion that I’m using reverse psychology to seek attention and likes or whatever; the more I write the more",3.4696421267893665,4.62655346421268,4.354943762781186,88.03319274028631,72.640081799591,7.396523517382414,26.262269938650302,7.793537801064563,1.3221251533742326,1880,62,399,24,36,607,213,489,0.077,0.7759999999999999,0.147,0.9847,0,0,1,0,0,0,65.0,0,17,12,3,20,28,1,0,25,2,40,17,8,4,13,87,84,33,0,9,17,0,2,2,1,12,0,0,0,2,28,23,1,1,14,5,0,9,18,5,0,3,2,17,78,23,46,69,10,48,1,1,14,8,51,21,1,16,19,283,106,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04428101878860511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106104886397634,0.0,0.0,0.1159338443310513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001401563768467,0.0,0.1984701241607788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108965597891705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218309798778912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204946230855172,0.07152671633413579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662978258323693,0.05439594686052101,0.0,0.05767332594321141,0.0,0.0,0.0860168248951007,0.11780204949488254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03292453612472437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951471780567132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06246506784372648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583310219119613,0.06428843232622318,0.06682765990181581,0.0,0.0,0.07716260948627028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293494861026913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220737713493546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362464167203973,0.19578959954442685,0.0,0.0,0.43744739098929375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4113872515468486,0.0,0.043465343233839264,0.0,0.06541763511810786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072329168683654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515495669817737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413483998743728,0.0,0.0,0.08824838602906346,0.19809418784161467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062160457886045975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566673328724848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516288747084432,0.0,0.1103449164060008,0.05012937151310951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122741857838539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994993674576505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04172361483359994,0.0,0.0,0.037969582531898805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056239197456539713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05168594002385652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058756936946492214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251287959417827,0.07119397257236539,0.0,0.0 bpd,idkmyfckname,2020/01/12,"A dead soul in a living body I have come to the conclusion that I am a dead soul in a living body, in which I feel everything and feel nothing, that I live only waiting for the day when I will die in full.",6.357333333333332,3.5290159555555576,7.345000000000002,82.4775,67.22222222222223,10.777777777777779,31.38888888888889,8.841846274778883,2.138555555555555,158,4,38,2,2,54,28,45,0.275,0.725,0.0,-0.9259999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,0,3,2,2,0,0,6,7,2,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,6,6,1,8,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5307890601048738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058148385567725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408843662792673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24796896706024865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21473258223989514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416177912221451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.632931936237385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292573282452268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181715089086302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wheremutt,2020/01/12,Can I have some words of comfort please? I just had a really bad fight with my parents and I have to go to work in a little bit and they said some really bad stuff but it’s horrible because I know everything they said true and I’ll never get better and I’ll never be loved and I just want someone to tell me it’s gonna be okay,-0.7281430745814319,1.3322924109589067,1.9596347031963468,95.45975646879756,90.64383561643835,5.436225266362253,16.330289193302892,6.937597516519254,-0.12498660578386599,258,6,61,4,9,89,48,73,0.23600000000000002,0.627,0.13699999999999998,-0.8723,1,0,0,0,1,0,1.0,0,0,2,2,2,8,1,0,2,1,6,1,0,0,3,17,14,6,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,2,9,5,6,8,3,5,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,2,2,38,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35277445375041216,0.12877771902394414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18683589503678769,0.23063329510857866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18986035505834567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103708456542321,0.0,0.12005980931736948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609898972952935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21173075918064166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19066385976855105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258622968440463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23457118499269294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318920876141673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706678493201033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018994939003165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17899377426122348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24183386335932364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846442197184089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460234861082613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379452206989405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BrainDoWantNotWork,2020/01/12,"I’m tired of always being the one who tries It’s always ME, who tries, who puts in the effort... I have two close friends and I adore them very much and one of them is actually my FP. I’ve noticed this pattern that when I’m in trouble or when I’m in need of something, I rarely get any help. When they are in need of something, I’m always there to help them and I would do ANYTHING for them (especially my FP). I’ve taken so much shit and this is the thanks I get??? Even though this happens every time, I still continue being there for them all the time. I just would want to feel appreciated and get even a little bit of the same energy back... Is that too much to ask? I needed to vent, because it happened again just now and I have went through this so many times. Luckily this time I’m not in great need of anything but I would have appreciated a little bit of help and compassion.",1.6598939247830269,3.5563201967213125,3.180912889746065,91.43013500482158,79.27322404371586,6.054516232722597,21.147219543555128,7.048011613610866,0.3655692060430731,688,19,154,8,17,226,91,183,0.079,0.797,0.124,0.8523,0,0,2,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,6,1,17,6,1,0,7,0,13,2,1,0,1,24,33,15,0,8,5,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,12,8,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,3,2,1,19,4,19,26,7,22,0,0,0,0,14,8,1,1,12,105,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.11206812620014184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866704185161936,0.0,0.0,0.0780957318039356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18900850705324773,0.0,0.1073607140177306,0.0,0.0,0.0883055427489719,0.0,0.07000593035832559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507529799107605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15170262725216502,0.0,0.09675838867585634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05806699604723482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872577372126246,0.0,0.17999884901726754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126612468072736,0.0,0.0,0.2031068097190204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23092624959395766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302014493541296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643062038720227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25326376657834043,0.3406122091918129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074709524245254,0.0,0.0,0.15563829550437985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544679677863068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788250598168085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17682022953794704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171206964429154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057300466394182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283057479177312,0.0,0.26785854664045106,0.1319926899120269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593882903309422,0.0,0.1121828460368848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475574745866268,0.06773612240881062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645863995233487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447389840222889,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Sometimealonealone,2020/01/12,"Wanting to run away from it all I was just hired for a really good job in my field, which is especially great because this is my first full time job after finishing grad school. I have/had a gf and she’s acting up really badly today, the day before I start my position. I’ve been anxious for the weeks leading up to my start date and she has made it just so so much worse. I only took a job in this area to stay with her anyway. If/when we break up I want to just move away and run away after a work a year at this position. I love sports gambling, I love weed and I love vice, so maybe I’ll run away to Vegas unannounced in a year after I have enough money to stay in motels for a long time. There’s something that catches me about a life of utter filth and debauchery that would come in Vegas. I’ve been able to turn $20 into $800 gambling during my unemployment and then cash out another $250 off $20 the next time. Maybe I can be a pro gambler lmao... idk there’s just something so appealing about running away from everything you’ve known to finally be on your own completely. Sorry for this rant, I just had a panic attack induced by my gf (although shell never admit its her fault) and my mind is just rambling on how I can end this miserable life through degeneracy instead of death. TLDR Make a good salary for one year Escape to Vegas and live a life of vice",5.33837897526502,4.903093692579507,6.193637367491168,82.16063272968199,67.90459363957598,9.195141342756186,28.288206713780927,8.660442795831766,1.8483924028268561,1077,30,228,15,16,357,158,283,0.11599999999999999,0.792,0.092,-0.556,7,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,1,1,0,3,17,11,1,2,15,0,14,6,0,5,2,32,27,15,1,3,6,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,11,13,0,0,3,2,4,10,1,5,0,2,6,0,26,6,46,18,5,57,0,1,0,3,12,21,0,0,23,145,37,9,0.0995480017215562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438475955521746,0.0,0.11246090673321303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325022317440908,0.4676431226861635,0.0,0.08311842331468966,0.0606835378783141,0.0,0.08470801740826814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575178890065334,0.1043741858250611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420022570969716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816998211297668,0.10285969663659182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946732505512904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904997001808228,0.0,0.08467547941023547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669922816421796,0.0,0.10975202333333407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29635809359997684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21094109280030526,0.0,0.0,0.08790270932407149,0.08809684893064991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695378745015468,0.09419472619892186,0.06644906415204056,0.0,0.2000186957803056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051510379342404,0.0,0.0,0.1058037716226807,0.07317923540522565,0.0,0.07677755586730564,0.0,0.10587042917833167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745630228906066,0.07571074111400232,0.0,0.11679813120506685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754599795019142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007478923563805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532738304011713,0.0,0.111435837812341,0.1409211759785409,0.21220984910417548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17414172104298947,0.0,0.09435986578971446,0.0,0.11060149275865476,0.0,0.10827963994475316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743198123032544,0.0,0.07985140233813362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247213086427122,0.0,0.10144791837798103,0.07071604425129213,0.0,0.0,0.19231694789772308 bpd,DTS555,2020/01/12,"DAE have parents whoa say your yelling when you even just slightly raise your voice? This happens to me all the time. My parents never listen to a word that I say. My mom especially asks the dumbest questions that shows she's just in her own little word. Then they say I'm ""yelling"" to make me the bad guy in the situation.",3.7364062500000017,5.315221078125003,3.9676250000000017,89.41487500000002,72.59375,6.370000000000001,28.425,6.742157984588678,1.1884412499999994,255,10,53,2,5,79,47,64,0.109,0.8909999999999999,0.0,-0.7943,2,0,0,0,2,0,7.0,0,3,1,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,8,6,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,11,0,5,6,2,7,0,0,0,0,16,3,0,1,4,33,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20563505834746285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18365933318243635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452830250426168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21779726003289945,0.1945119359975576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22046001138642385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682654369604567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576171880076181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964848648030753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4884842081003047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24640811742663116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5247685502689913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472468419508465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826178637881244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mlemoi,2020/01/12,Help! How do I know my boyfriend has BPD?,-2.956666666666667,-2.1229349999999982,-2.0349999999999984,117.66750000000002,121.22222222222223,1.8,15.611111111111107,3.1291,-1.9514888888888888,31,1,9,0,2,9,9,9,0.0,0.701,0.299,0.4574,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8237680935238165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43840391890399466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35945532682345405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,venturyofthecentury,2020/01/12,"The always popular - relationship struggles. Just wondering if this is normal for someone with BPD... I'm newly diagnosed and I've learned more about myself on this sub than ever so I thought I would ask your opinion(s). I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 years. We live together and have 3 dogs. I find myself being absolutely obsessed with him whenever we are together. Constantly saying ""I love you,"" etc. However, when I'm away (at work everyday) all i can think about is how annoying he is and how I dont think I can handle it forever. It's to the point that i will talk shit about him to my coworkers.. so they all have a negative view of him. Then, I come home and feel so guilty for thinking/talking about him that way. I guess I just want someone to tell me that's normal so I can stop stressing over these feelings and stress about something else 😫 but give me the real deal.",3.3182758620689654,5.303141402298851,4.328252873563219,84.69203448275864,74.63218390804597,8.088275862068969,27.691954022988504,8.841846274778883,2.2263016091954024,700,28,138,15,15,227,112,174,0.10800000000000001,0.857,0.035,-0.8371,1,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,2,2,1,1,16,8,2,4,4,0,15,3,1,2,3,35,29,15,0,5,4,0,2,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,8,11,0,1,8,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,4,28,2,21,24,4,14,0,0,1,1,18,5,1,3,7,99,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090848805256176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584402962101247,0.0,0.13652231732524964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18301123482641052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251705880785446,0.0,0.15702709480675506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498069006342539,0.0,0.14748528301680675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703007271771136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138678249662525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16205762347172273,0.0,0.13144004824806374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694490071556476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280952943330854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939335633637942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600739274980756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575648495636132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831025405824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114678497606058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847433697858032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373636998920284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539312532873945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560071754275261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555531931146208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915730377622102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462391986985484,0.111865744926865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214845889520908,0.3329012751790966,0.15190821471926394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335872755319066,0.12700621822026534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621590949655736,0.0,0.11535888545303323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570684261093275,0.11533929128758245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758109870623946,0.10578647228101104,0.0,0.0,0.10322313923710084,0.0,0.0,0.09357404579908192 bpd,spazcat84,2020/01/12,"Being my own person In August of 2017 my husband and I separated. We got back together around May of 2018. We separated because I was at my worst mental health wise and he had zero clue how to be supportive. In the months leading up to our separation I had an attempt that i freely admit was a plea for attention that result in me being baker acted, and led to a miscarriage of a baby I didn't know I was carrying until after my Baker act. After he asked for a divorce I jumped feet first into therapy. I was determined to not need my medication, since it contributed to heart defect that killed my baby. I actually got better. It was rough. I saw my therapist every other week, and my psychiatrist at least once a month with emergency appointments sprinkled in there. But over time I started to like me again. I was my own person. I started being a better mom to my daughter. I liked spending time by myself instead of desperately avoiding being in a room alone. I liked my own company again. My husband and I started talking again and decided to give it another go. He had learned more about my mental illness, and mental health in general and was supportive of me in a way he never had been before. Now we've been back together for almost two years. We're happier than we ever were before, and I'm still doing well, off my medication and no self harm. My issue is being with someone, anyone, I forget that love for myself. I don't like being alone. I get overwhelmed with an boredom and emptiness that I can't seem to fix by myself and I need that validation from him that he loves me. I have that nagging feeling in the back of my mind that says I'm only something when I'm with him. How can I find me again? I feel like being in a relationship makes me unhealthy and definitely more difficult to be around, but I don't want to be alone forever because I can't get my brain to love someone the right amount.",4.237025075987842,5.6560330292553225,5.903525835866263,76.65500000000003,71.10106382978724,8.669300911854103,28.854103343465045,9.140100540675403,2.5659752279635257,1513,58,276,31,28,518,186,376,0.09699999999999999,0.789,0.114,0.7287,0,4,1,0,1,0,33.0,4,0,0,5,19,22,2,2,14,0,34,11,3,6,2,52,62,19,1,3,3,4,3,5,0,1,5,1,1,3,13,23,0,1,9,0,1,6,8,8,1,3,18,5,58,14,51,33,8,52,0,1,1,3,28,19,0,3,31,214,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.09054696803665824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291302445818532,0.2882988131673989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729551841114756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487900028832813,0.0,0.0,0.16520064316449648,0.08674355028650382,0.0,0.0,0.2140429958417775,0.0,0.11312448870986493,0.0,0.15791022563898824,0.0,0.0,0.1641255588224602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358125387773062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393137679053952,0.07817725720750235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938320397306166,0.06628722756666136,0.0,0.0,0.08480586248115192,0.07892478462407422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695501347394513,0.0890099818792401,0.05273313057014933,0.0,0.14842087488967673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972570085832823,0.0,0.10995333406681942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968457786485166,0.0,0.0,0.10265534087509258,0.0,0.05099344417819235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266558093104742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25123233834910946,0.0,0.06193620766246464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869467786296516,0.2805231625748381,0.0,0.09368866847423493,0.10867130187911483,0.14812379011310978,0.0,0.0,0.13760113541787589,0.07156324479052716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988153894641262,0.0,0.07056888225222578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203648965688566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961877827466772,0.0,0.07923980168226444,0.0,0.07378814276587352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447002453054676,0.09679733443191726,0.0,0.0,0.07675456928914212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723666600885353,0.07143215566758893,0.0,0.0,0.1970258723164637,0.0,0.07410001505536848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105877359035601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457887416148612,0.0,0.0,0.10611030306523238,0.10773314496978162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820997942663896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063965749032313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05472832212545715,0.07365019752231018,0.0744283324447961,0.0,0.0834268780640382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059751944711368736 bpd,prash_cant_shush,2020/01/12,"Rejection is part and parcel of online dating but hits me so hard I’ve recently got back into the game with online dating. Found a guy who was good-looking, had a good job, could hold a conversation. We talked, he gave me his number, I got giddy that I was going to have a date in a very long time. After NYE he started taking a very long time to reply, 48 hours or so. I asked him if everything was fine with him and he said he was just sick and busy because he was back at work. After that he pretty much ghosted me. When I didn’t hear anything for 72 hours I unmatched and deleted his number too. I deleted my dating profile because the rejection hit me hard. A couple of days ago I made a new profile and got back on the app. His profile came up and I swiped right just to see what would happen and we matched again. Well, that’s interesting, I thought. Since women have to send the first message on Bumble I wrote, “So what happened.” An hour or so later I couldn’t see him in my convos anymore so I guess he realized it was me and unmatched. I feel so pathetic right now. I could have just swiped left. Fool me twice, shame on me. Rejection and ghosting are so common on dating apps that they shouldn’t matter but at first at least it really shatters my self-esteem and makes all the other things that are going well fade in comparison.",2.756231884057972,4.544885296296297,3.89122383252818,88.073115942029,75.66666666666667,6.325281803542674,22.850241545893716,7.079830092131019,0.7375603864734299,1050,30,213,11,23,341,148,270,0.138,0.779,0.08199999999999999,-0.9574,1,0,0,0,1,0,28.0,2,0,1,3,19,10,0,1,14,0,19,1,0,2,1,40,44,23,2,6,8,0,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,2,12,16,0,1,4,1,0,4,3,5,2,3,18,7,33,5,23,19,4,49,0,3,2,0,29,15,0,4,30,142,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857852653926548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028772009806924,0.0,0.0,0.09151409988925707,0.0,0.1039637766572342,0.0,0.0,0.25653455664705593,0.0,0.13558182758085752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719148001868238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775798969268504,0.123048718507604,0.0,0.07171948305221422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994591501956476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05622973229494575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18918567788098026,0.0,0.12193302110350288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640329778811818,0.186550747769067,0.2668278155091103,0.0,0.12250733501858699,0.11011267184002184,0.19668042632153449,0.0,0.19923972408754212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533866484052286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328550251681141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035604644880884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082701388227428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19682985204461287,0.09338609052558207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522699873017942,0.0742317098983023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175013211248465,0.0,0.0,0.10740466513250932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042662601417697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131377636237799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124221867793848,0.0,0.10980375356441116,0.0,0.0,0.1899407856203508,0.10578357090774186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17723557707464346,0.0,0.11601342606634338,0.0,0.0,0.09199179504000676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871307133710337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361401995465981,0.08938418350486932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388116241071686,0.0,0.0,0.08828614283694289,0.12969169576340642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835152728987025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999773652245692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096021008992914,0.0,0.0,0.07899844714150461,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ChronicallyMad,2020/01/12,"Hope fuels my depression: a paradox I've always had trouble trusting people due to my borderline personality and chronic depression, but there was one person I trusted more than anybody else—the person I considered my closest friend. I was always honest with her about my depression, loneliness, and anger, because I thought that kind of honesty was essential in true friendship. But in the end that honesty did me more harm than good. I know she and our mutual friends will never empathize with me. I know they will always see me as a villain with impure intentions, that toxic friend that should be discarded like trash. This is where hope comes in. I still hope they'd try to understand where I'm coming from. I still hope they'd make an effort to reach out with love and compassion and understanding. It's this hope that's preventing me from accepting the harsh truth that they hate me. Because of this hope, I'm stuck in this miserable rut, unable to move forward with my life. I wish there was a way to kill this hope. I've already blocked them on all social media so that it would be extremely difficult for them to contact me. But I still hope that they would try. Because if they truly loved me, they'd figure out a way. They'd never allow someone they cherished to be isolated to stew in their own agony. It's this hope that's making me suicidal. If I ended my life, that would end any hope I still harbor, and I wouldn't have to suffer anymore. I'd finally have the peace I've always craved in all my unhappy years of this so-called life.",6.468787878787879,6.9351028989899,6.419410774410776,78.42689393939395,65.46464646464646,9.697643097643098,31.988215488215488,9.586721724236666,2.880803367003368,1239,46,228,23,18,392,150,297,0.2,0.498,0.302,0.993,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,12,1,10,37,4,1,8,0,23,6,0,4,6,55,50,13,2,18,5,0,0,1,3,7,4,0,0,3,20,15,0,2,7,0,0,4,3,12,0,1,8,1,43,25,33,28,5,30,0,5,1,2,25,13,0,12,14,151,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908834573399241,0.0,0.2385368604884977,0.0,0.0,0.0487372679883176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107623006184419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106597671218462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12347271720400275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18518479742863306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19043195611808292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850970972014945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611350113910106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06011242164972179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075814063334608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7118332799018937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929095146983832,0.07463206687404171,0.07877463896462489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186546095388198,0.035013774486923464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936785024451702,0.0,0.09567901278445552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617263348184572,0.0,0.0,0.11055085339620392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0485646599502104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04968614885018057,0.1877353968366844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05711078549860061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305735564960751,0.060724774510062425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289393088594801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839407728393437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05689705249117071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731687410844332,0.0,0.0,0.1492195773801154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137747766010764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241562761287241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527344603342557,0.0,0.0,0.04615238240845526 bpd,bpdthrowaway_06,2020/01/12,"I just cut off the love of my life and ex-FP for good. A while back I had met a guy I fell in love with. Hard. The start of our relationship was absolutely wonderful and he was supportive of me and gave me comfort whenever I needed. He was my best friend and I felt like I could always rely on him. Eventually, though, things started to fall apart. He started to say that I was too needy, that I was too all over the place for him. I was too scared to leave him because I loved him and I still do. I didn't want to fault him because of our clashing attachment styles and his own struggles with mental health. But at the same time, I felt so hurt because how could he be that brutal and callous when he knows that I have BPD? After telling me that he didn't want to talk after breaking up with me for the second time, he came back recently to say that he's sorry and wanted to be friends. I agreed because I missed him and I didn't want him to leave me for good. The only condition was that I'd need more time to heal. The thought of it scares me and makes me cry until I can't anymore. It's 7 am for me right now. I couldn't sleep and I woke up to write how I felt out, telling him I have to think about what's best for me now, and that I can't be his friend with all the baggage that we have. I blocked him. I regretted it immediately and unblocked him just in case he responded because I needed to see it. To see if he still cared, if he cared that I was leaving. It makes me feel guilty. Everything about this does. It makes me cry thinking about losing him even if I'm the one leaving. I feel like I'm overwhelmed though, and I feel like I'm shutting down emotionally. I loved him so much. Even though he hurt me even though all that happened I still love him and I can't get him off my mind. I'm sorry if this doesn't exactly fit in this sub and I'm sorry if it just sounds like some stupid romance drama. I just needed to get it off my chest.",1.9054816709292408,3.3003713526570064,3.1250071042909937,94.34544757033251,77.01932367149756,6.319863597612957,22.321398124467176,6.923569853693429,0.3422102301790284,1516,42,359,15,34,490,170,414,0.135,0.687,0.17800000000000002,0.9803,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,3,0,0,3,29,34,3,4,11,0,27,10,2,5,4,70,75,33,0,17,10,0,7,4,3,0,3,3,0,1,24,23,0,1,11,1,0,3,8,13,0,2,20,12,68,21,48,49,10,41,0,6,2,5,50,18,0,7,23,239,92,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589371711489217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024544428389574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892952778315183,0.0,0.21588998545737956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866579399534954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920932386856628,0.0,0.0,0.08101193872802713,0.14443410758489436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310578135464963,0.0,0.15560933228097693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061984795846806176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967548334889185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14034987246228856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636584489974666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744303690866124,0.10120354139821944,0.2040269668237117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417185715838475,0.0,0.07401267996921246,0.0,0.0,0.11881957616748752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013395097669227,0.06263573096178311,0.0,0.06345077641048823,0.0,0.0,0.07529017492159917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15165237108993113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03892693455715611,0.0,0.0,0.2999997416895909,0.0,0.0,0.050030119149547116,0.13841804174194294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792419123003298,0.0,0.0,0.3196392840676643,0.0,0.14184098022307726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138111553554792,0.0,0.07151924576224848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05206902767962096,0.21008153027218832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04799700422673673,0.05387026323628541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740034512263348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993719197670216,0.0760461217134304,0.0,0.06048939474707354,0.0,0.1126555089906881,0.14182862780159644,0.0,0.11288647406483952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708822795769759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23786894020232666,0.1504039070381038,0.0,0.16969748660229808,0.0,0.0,0.07404807217458803,0.0,0.0,0.08037832260762731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056931376191924114,0.12381905258745775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04705705288981052,0.0907714512473236,0.27836488738896376,0.05623200227711573,0.12390659786145783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711213357984633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681333489380261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,complainsandeats,2020/01/12,"reading a book and thought this would be helpful <3 &#x200B; [Everything will be okay. ](https://preview.redd.it/t96jtfmp7ca41.png?width=3024&format=png&auto=webp&s=3d7f78dc4dad954772192cc2a1d16433ea640126)",42.03375,54.73390487500001,14.817500000000004,3.077500000000015,0.25,8.200000000000001,45.5,8.841846274778883,5.496975000000001,202,6,11,2,2,37,15,16,0.0,0.7340000000000001,0.266,0.5719,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8645727971512315,0.2423975509546965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17928532111726145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371138555010972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19954016988849715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158369748934984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170926306249887,0.0,0.2423975509546965,0.0 bpd,enitsof,2020/01/12,"Yesterday I've pierced my own ears, at 1am. Soooo... Everytime I'm home alone and I get really frustrated or angry, I have to do something to my body. One time, I've pierced my second earlobe piercing. Another time, I've pierced my smiley (inside the mouth). I even gave myself a mini tattoo on the knee. And last night, I was really really horny and nobody could come over, so I was really furious and I had to do this. I gave myself a third piercing on the earlobe. Do you think there's a link with BPD? Can some of you relate to this? I've been thinking, and I wondered if it was like self-harm, when I was younger I used to cut myself, now I don't do it anymore. but I do this. Thank you for reading and excuse my mistakes, English is not my native language.",1.1980769230769222,3.3271184871794905,3.265064102564107,89.01951923076925,82.07692307692308,6.207692307692309,23.211538461538463,7.413659706084162,1.0602000000000005,588,21,122,9,16,199,94,156,0.096,0.843,0.061,-0.6192,0,1,1,0,0,1,28.0,0,3,0,0,5,6,3,0,6,0,16,4,4,1,0,20,26,11,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,5,8,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,4,0,3,8,1,24,2,12,17,2,12,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,4,8,83,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20182670556114954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20433834323886813,0.0,0.0,0.1932588255553523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164568062372343,0.2454321320789009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678633791790235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558795798755667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870989616201914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181161036754484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19547064911669298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588451811621962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520371198240242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287243483963786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320490568690299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949228845561785,0.0,0.4993552319120613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20329206597341493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500205619072346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941025242159406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497298471216928,0.0,0.0,0.2272607030522591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16830524199641336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113283649907748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,notkaina,2020/01/12,"people tend to generalize everyone w/ BPD as “abusive” i hate going through reddit threads only to come across a comment talking abt how someone had an abusive ex with bpd and how every human being that’s diagnosed with it is abusive. i can understand where they’re coming from because while i have bpd, my friends and mom are diagnosed with it too. i’ve been abused emotionally and physically by *some* people with bpd—but at the end of the day there’s always rotten apples in every diagnosis so why stigmatize bpd? bpd is a spectrum, can people stop generalizing it. and stop “diagnosing” your exes with bpd just because they were abusive.",6.654807692307693,8.107784683760688,7.359903846153848,68.34447115384619,65.41025641025641,9.610683760683765,35.13782051282051,9.827888789773867,3.786197435897437,516,24,81,11,8,171,82,117,0.239,0.737,0.024,-0.9825,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,1,1,0,7,3,1,0,5,0,10,3,0,2,0,20,16,9,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,4,11,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,3,1,6,1,15,12,1,12,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,5,53,10,0,0.0,0.4874800130305737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846892871923528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032212769851273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7254584335461193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176500278737955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05306796099163519,0.0,0.0,0.2505570822858378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256119497662216,0.07288138195280326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865978746309404,0.07862824132887396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357431688896377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04676529299123835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124084600440712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637291048661753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625825627818438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711412170172519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972105273636041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759033456493652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613874168686051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856631095607649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425073366135798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway89927,2020/01/12,"Does anyone else struggle with the shame of having a bpd diagnosis? I’m constantly trying to find reasons for why I might be misdiagnosed or have CPTSD or something else, when deep down, I know it must be true. I just feel so ashamed of having bpd, it feels so heavy everyday. I don’t think I could ever tell someone about this. Also, I’m sorry if this post causes offense, that isn’t my intention at all.",4.076666666666668,5.4995540000000025,5.0975,82.26416666666668,71.5,7.833333333333335,27.083333333333336,8.344100000000001,1.8128333333333333,320,11,62,5,6,105,63,80,0.16,0.805,0.035,-0.8356,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,3,2,0,10,0,0,3,4,19,16,7,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,6,1,8,11,1,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,4,4,41,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354631937644314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13425435181007914,0.19673180010371644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4836471213688871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19724201268158287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20748918079330556,0.0,0.15330035917251872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802485872504885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32079105953473264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367950396067633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416698187499384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17548908038815833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552091993221256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20368694976219587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388770323430947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19741310584688507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268520308561396,0.14781482012561312,0.0,0.21493386416540305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20072530200385344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782082230209494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302904336245445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035878317972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325463702664726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,OneWhoClicks,2020/01/12,"My FP didn't provide reassurance and affection today, now I'm going crazy My Fp has an eating disorder and her thoughts are 70 percent food and weight. Today, she had a rough day with it, so she wasn't feeling very affectionate. I am completely understanding and only want to be supportive, but it was hard not to obsess over it. She was resistant to any kiss or physical affection. I know it is due to her rough day and I didnt make it into a big deal, but my mind went crazy over it. We went out to dinner, and she told she was feeling blank and I understood that she is not really there and all she wants to do is sleep but was willing to eat with me, which I know is hard, but still. We didn't even cuddle in bed and I was waiting for her to make a move. Look, I know I could have but than it doesn't feel genuine in my mind. If I ask or initiate, it is not genuine. It is Fakking stupid and this is how my mind work. So we didn't cuddle or was close and now she is asleep and I'm obsessing over it wishing I could go to sleep",1.2504794520547975,2.9760690593607317,3.1745639269406385,91.80568150684934,79.8675799086758,6.937077625570778,21.908904109589038,7.908726449838941,0.8369358904109578,800,24,186,14,20,269,110,219,0.109,0.8109999999999999,0.08,-0.5383,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,3,0,0,1,8,7,1,2,4,0,30,11,3,5,1,56,55,24,0,6,12,0,8,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,13,20,5,1,9,0,0,5,9,3,0,0,17,9,30,4,20,34,2,22,0,0,1,3,18,9,0,4,8,130,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822522692886191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128605672380155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602618726913104,0.0,0.0,0.20716797854205424,0.0,0.0,0.16733853981375735,0.13375257122917789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868919818502374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655055303352466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568969395554295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19679592411808794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568778162251059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474644153814366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324367318531297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21389926084569724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894593325560648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17320016003485178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929904570914751,0.0,0.0,0.13788930221356974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867040751167412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311248449726906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596602649049499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360768725231986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722337279126815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299624034773854,0.0,0.0,0.2459499477411949,0.12396872657469775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506020772179111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704614873630204,0.15304382538604566,0.0,0.0,0.15798403070821135,0.0,0.24053395624521,0.0,0.0,0.14919050141204362,0.0,0.0,0.09444967227106567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dinrovahorror,2020/01/12,"I've been lying to my therapist, my head is fucked up * constant suicide ideation(thoughts of me dying even if I don't plan on killing myself) * At 15 or 16 I started making gun motions to shoot myself in the head whenever I'm in a stressful or awkward situation, I still do this * I think about using my suicide or suffering from a disease as a way to guilt my loved ones, it sounds fucked up but I secretly crave the attention and guilt * I think people who actually commit suicide/self harm are idiots, even though I want to stop existing sometimes * lack of remorse, constantly lie to family without missing a beat * habitual lying * I'm constantly putting on a fake happy/innocent mask, but inside my head I'm the exact opposite. I just try to make people feel at ease around me. * I sometimes steal from stores and other people, only thing I worry about is getting caught * I would kill 1,000 people for $1000 if I wouldn't face consequences for it * At night time I often see a demonic looking horror thing or I imagine it behind me about to kill me, it has long arms is a very dark black but has a clear mouth * When I'm outside at nightime I constantly look behind me, feeling I'm being followed * For years now I've believed that I am God. I crafted this life for myself and erased my memories so as to experience and enjoy life. Once I die I'll realize I'm God move onto the next life to enjoy. * I say out loud how I should feel, even when I don't feel it. Like if I see an old lady who needs help and I don't help her. I say out loud to myself ""damn I feel guilty for not helping her"", I really don't * cut off bonds with long term friends easily * Unsure what I want to do with my life. But I want everyone to know me, I don't want to lead an average mediocre life like all these other fucking subhumans. * I despise attention seekers even though I secretly crave attention * As a kid I always dreamed of being able to transform into an eldritch horror monster * Verbally and emotionally bullied from 3rd to 8th grade. Isolated. I grew up on the internet, been on 4chan since I was 15. I'm 19 now. * I think less of most people around me, they're mediocre subhumans yes I'll smile and talk to them but I couldn't give less of a fuck about them they're worth less to me than $1 * Sometimes I jut think, "" What if I just fucking stabbed this person what if I killed them right now?"" and I imagine them dying or being tortured, I'd never do this though * The reason I typed this all out is because I crave your attention. I'm gonna tell my therapist all this at my next appointment. I've been lying to her and saying I'm improving, I'm on wellbutrin for depression but I don't think this is depression. I was told that what I'm experiencing could be BPD, so I wanted to see what you think.",1.742851641854401,4.090903456171739,3.5358539765319463,86.58753585397653,81.52236135957068,6.723640884145419,24.14362814954065,7.891335392355504,1.4863226766926414,2188,82,435,41,59,731,256,559,0.23399999999999999,0.652,0.114,-0.9979,1,0,0,2,0,6,68.0,0,2,4,5,25,31,14,4,19,1,32,17,6,6,7,86,83,36,9,17,20,0,5,2,1,4,5,6,0,2,26,17,0,1,22,1,2,7,11,25,0,1,7,18,75,6,69,66,9,54,1,4,6,6,27,24,6,12,24,276,101,3,0.06406982493230842,0.0,0.06252290695057536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05331122687034445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407145556290027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039056370604120164,0.0,0.0,0.07218475256218533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080693701631694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769468781180954,0.0,0.05115454179934475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036649266352624,0.0,0.1994830888767228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206992948617008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692700604435184,0.0,0.0,0.061221463374848774,0.0,0.06267258281931418,0.060399328877784327,0.0,0.16197814284308495,0.04577149573339749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04950018781062903,0.2961576037125725,0.03347383914262631,0.06146161418077579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19726237357646675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288339593545384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28353507421317664,0.0,0.035211100212120865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22627206059759014,0.06260256034012703,0.0,0.0,0.11339955781056188,0.10760503309079172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05782551845438375,0.0,0.08553421130531992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809608437951398,0.0,0.04750696336150277,0.04941459876721574,0.0,0.1362779713436528,0.06012519049000155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723050356184153,0.06823227254002752,0.04341537151423424,0.04872798895790455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220897473238445,0.05594329984254005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440787026135869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04104477045326664,0.06587445084468704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054715280420615485,0.0,0.15285268908193728,0.0,0.0,0.15316606596855695,0.0,0.0668388005140083,0.0,0.0,0.05299922126330793,0.07201716764434843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19010008535770356,0.0,0.045348951852667074,0.0,0.05116624495330832,0.0535652425002616,0.07339176799061695,0.0,0.0,0.14016397904513106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05149689835875541,0.05599985098268361,0.0,0.0,0.14878000985547066,0.0851302895457813,0.2463201407428772,0.18884483308717184,0.05086428432736017,0.037359630153912735,0.0,0.0,0.061221463374848774,0.0,0.043499205475274055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05533575765190594,0.0,0.052864315504033886,0.18895021368499906,0.05085564482639125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061761024897710876,0.0,0.0,0.06506601724207099,0.0,0.045513365378830765,0.0,0.0,0.041258866644682715 bpd,vroonka,2020/01/12,Idk who I am .. again So I ve been aware of having BPD for like.. few months... but my psychiatrist treats me only for depression.. I ve been on antidepressants for 3 months and i havent had any depressive episodes for 2 months .... ive had some episodes of irritation or anger but no depression... yet I feel like vegetable ... idk who I am... it feels good not to feel emptiness and sadness for 2 months.. yes.. but this is just an artificial happiness.. whats this .. who am I.... its weird cause i dont really have symptoms of bpd anymore but i dont feel like myself... ye sure i still have doubts and fear of abandonment and rejection but.... there are no strong feelings as i used to feel for more than 6 years... so i guess im just.... writing about my feelings. Im glad i am kinda interested in studies and i live life as a .. normal person.. but it feels like someone else in my skin... so thank you meds.. but where is MYSELF?,0.27362637362637443,2.6852069780219807,2.031617582417585,93.46338241758244,91.85714285714286,5.549362637362638,19.91736263736264,7.087006719466742,0.5081500659340654,698,23,153,12,25,228,104,182,0.185,0.639,0.17600000000000002,-0.2246,0,0,0,0,0,0,59.0,0,2,0,1,11,22,1,2,2,1,18,4,1,2,1,34,29,18,0,1,11,0,9,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,5,1,1,8,0,0,0,6,10,0,0,4,9,23,12,19,25,3,12,0,6,0,0,7,4,0,5,12,99,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789110163746346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359286411133833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28851814397277875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766409205802103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959593032930006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684799639156616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568344047832084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888930081612548,0.4633187690464207,0.2454821143811105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607068548682036,0.0,0.0,0.12617868106289895,0.0,0.0,0.12192991899580605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24744562738984896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090296223425629,0.22383375842288974,0.0,0.10114088457102943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722807616275242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36569881832859424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122248432412889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711280217277065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000118764656023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337723237072324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704933777595187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147176129906813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795255829268488,0.1190508766808296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545300772134712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892575114427944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375997993670394 bpd,jhansen66,2020/01/12,"Do any other mental illnesses cause you to have a favorite person(FP)? not sure if this is the right place to ask, but can you have a FP with other mental illness other than BDP? I am diagnosed with bipolar 2",4.243333333333332,5.553677073170731,5.569268292682928,79.47552845528456,70.95121951219512,8.393495934959349,28.300813008130078,8.841846274778883,2.331286178861789,164,6,30,3,3,55,33,41,0.17600000000000002,0.777,0.047,-0.6695,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,6,4,0,1,1,7,7,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,5,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054508865473228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824399409006468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31035884099601824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066438380486523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.608928619263021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637981522042889,0.3156494476015088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580074810195987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847430366245608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CansOfCorn,2020/01/12,"Can mania be part of BPD, or is it a bipolar crossover? I know mania is usually exclusive to bipolar, but I personally experience manic episodes lasting a few hours (as long as my usual BPD style mood swings), but they’re suuuuper intense. Just looking for general feedback and personal experiences regarding manic episodes and BPD.",10.297894736842109,10.390741245614038,10.865614035087724,51.002631578947394,57.596491228070185,13.915789473684216,50.57894736842106,13.023866798666859,7.387589473684208,269,18,36,9,3,92,45,57,0.0,0.9490000000000001,0.051,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,8,6,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,5,5,2,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,5,23,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6830113302082246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536507665689733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178019656932743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934513643433206,0.1473497073152589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15997362301114856,0.15179924269656367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19575367730429385,0.0,0.0,0.3156785628374509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981799092408276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,vampirabambino,2020/01/12,"It's kinda funny... I am balls deep in this reddit thread for BPD trying to self soothe by reminding myself I'm not alone. While for a fleeting moment it helps, for some reason it still does resonate. It's like you guys all aren't real out there. I'm just reading fragments of my own thoughts and feelings. How do I not feel so alone and isolated when I KNOW there are so many of you out there suffering along with me :(",2.927310924369749,4.590253294117649,3.5833613445378165,90.99941176470593,74.88235294117648,6.26890756302521,22.731092436974787,6.868970318607317,0.5570504201680668,330,9,69,3,7,104,64,85,0.09699999999999999,0.778,0.125,0.1321,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,9,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,1,19,10,7,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,8,1,12,9,3,8,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,2,5,47,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5048560827011868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30696607871056125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132874557910778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24647175350712516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24132840584592544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336531231943294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394618341506426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190728772894854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471012892195474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24379331677698185,0.2774150951771015,0.0,0.25059231952575256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25426079216378433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946409850839232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934922997788996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547487922558374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,xGhostyy,2020/01/12,"I need to tell someone this. So I work at a car dealership, we had a car towed in by a shop who bought it at auction with no keys to get keys made and programmed. Car is almost brand new has 400 miles on it and is covered in dust like it's been sitting for years. I get in the car to get the mileage and the battery is dead as hell. Start to realize car smells like human shit and something else. Smells awful, and it's clear carpet has been partially pulled. I talk to the shop who sent it and asked what happened and why it smells so bad. I find out, someone killed themselves in the car. They owned it less then 30 days before they took their own life in it. Me and the technician found blood in the car under the driver seat. Turns out the window that's open isnt down. It's broken. Based on the information I've found he was likely in the car for days in the late summer/fall before he was found. I'm saying this because as someone who has unsuccessfully attempted suicide multiple times. Between overdoses, holding a gun to my head, cutting my wrists open, seeing the aftermath of someone who went through with it. I can't help but imagine his last moments in the car, how he did it, what the car looked like before cleaned, what was going through his head. And it makes me wonder if any of my attempts had succeeded, what the people who came to clean up the mess would have went through or thought or wondered. The guy who would be replacing the carpet in my apartment, would he be feeling like this? What did the first responders think when they found him? Theres so many different thoughts going through my head right now. Through a bit of googling I found a picture of him and that's about it. And honestly i just cant help but feel my heart break for him and his family. And it just gives so much perspective on the many nights I just wanted it to end and didn't care. I've always thought of how others would be affected. But this is the first time I've seen even a sliver first hand, and its shaken me. Stay strong everyone. I love you. You are loved. Don't leave us. ❤",3.360223285486441,4.9044967129186645,3.690669856459333,91.16302232854868,73.49760765550239,6.884848484848485,25.346092503987236,7.463857097105799,1.0288953748006375,1638,53,350,19,33,508,213,418,0.08900000000000001,0.802,0.109,0.9442,2,0,1,1,0,1,42.0,2,2,4,8,14,17,4,0,29,1,30,11,8,5,1,63,70,31,3,7,9,0,3,5,0,4,1,1,5,2,34,23,0,1,17,2,4,18,6,6,0,3,26,10,33,11,48,37,5,65,1,0,3,2,38,25,2,6,24,217,67,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142709117738359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766214340910713,0.0,0.0,0.055298254688862174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602028907591818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789618322974764,0.04957000436854026,0.0,0.20758398108222945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877695250944298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300482716103113,0.08290796037599042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488529773173376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495881346243986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792980391654756,0.0,0.07202260368007063,0.0,0.0,0.053709020486680345,0.0,0.0,0.07770174647563224,0.0,0.0,0.07665830055424619,0.0,0.08223249753260721,0.05809278251829635,0.0,0.0,0.07432213876254956,0.20750424403519746,0.0,0.4457987103887748,0.0,0.0,0.1274541126222893,0.07800654378052199,0.0924284933365151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051647807869149,0.07190823258486101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503636812300869,0.0,0.0,0.0963608730910005,0.10900995713355058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996505979679324,0.0,0.0,0.0662840958127381,0.09172896234018107,0.08610281571542468,0.0,0.0,0.0574365045128792,0.19863655669624203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828568397270339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467832857001066,0.07694398106018484,0.054279636874618765,0.16488506992719618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977725006734973,0.060295422870586625,0.0,0.07853633211493574,0.0,0.07631036650738562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056374873418932624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944415590909242,0.0,0.06466643254639272,0.0,0.0,0.0647990109486564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347059037108348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755980534309858,0.06260169321212324,0.0,0.0,0.05755649351627892,0.08667295542520115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894744885545221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535941351243957,0.07107452164427155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05210456179030196,0.0,0.19366951593120646,0.0948330324242232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034602580698947,0.0,0.08844939521898712,0.0,0.0,0.09781417280187794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04796279210241797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076309165509147,0.0733758199989891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17636933636273905,0.05919964407386906,0.0,0.0,0.2310606629093803,0.0,0.0,0.05236539310189227 bpd,FinstereGedanken,2020/01/12,"I feel like I might have a valid reason to be upset at someone, but I dismiss it as an exaggeration due to my BPD, and not validating myself makes me end up splitting... I'm really angry at my boyfriend because he threatened suicide one week ago and sent me pictures of the edge he was gonna jump off from... sent me pictures of the darkness, of the abyss, with captions such as ""I should end it all, one step and it's over, that's where I belong, in this darkness, tell me why I shouldn't do it, everyone is better off without me"". I contacted his sister to help me help him. My mother, his mother, his friends, his sister and I are all teaming up to try to get him help. He refuses because he won't accept the ""superiority"" of someone else in his field (he's a psychologist, but not clinical, thankfully). After this incident, I ended up being a mess. I felt awful. I couldn't deal with the idea of him dying. I couldn't deal with the responsibility of his death, of being the last person he attempted to contact before his supposed suicide as if it was my job to stop him. Next day I scheduled an emergency appointment with my psychiatrist. He advised me to not see my boyfriend again at least for three weeks since I need to stabilize myself. I told him I could keep seeing my boyfriend. I said I wouldn't leave him alone in his time of need. But I'm the one cleaning up his whole mess and I've already got my own life and my own disorders to deal with. I cannot make myself responsible for someone else. I cannot. I'm so angry because I got so unstable that my parents are keeping a close eye on me because they don't trust me even though I have done nothing wrong and I feel like a criminal on probation while he gets to live his life as if nothing ever happened with everyone loving him and being there for him and trying to help him! And I feel so jealous and so lonely. Whenever I tried to talk to him, he would immediately start a self depreciating speech. Such as: ""Oh, you're right, I suck as a boyfriend, you wouldn't feel this way if I were a good boyfriend."" And of course this is not constructive! But I feel guilty - ""maybe I'm overreacting, maybe I shouldn't feel so bad about this situation"" - and back off. But since I'm still upset and I'm not able to discuss it, then I just end up repressing it... and my brain starts painting him black because his behavior is hurting me... and I end up splitting and trying to find every single reason that sustains the fact that he does not love me, does not care about me, is only using me... and then I can't control myself and tell him so. ""You don't care about me, I won't take the initiative about anything in this relationship anymore, I'm so tired, I feel so lonely,..."" This level of split is something I've never done before. I can usually self control a lot. But I'm so pissed, so hurt, that I just cannot. I'm basically pleading him to feel important and I hate myself for being so pathetic. Maybe it's valid for me to feel angry at him for dumping all his suicidal ideations on me as if they were my responsibility and for refusing help, but I'm certainly not being able to deal with it in a healthy way and maybe my psychiatrist was right. Ugh.",5.031495327102803,5.3714302102803755,6.071992211838008,80.11621261682245,68.54828660436137,9.03682242990654,30.535981308411216,8.982922981607832,2.345429158878505,2513,93,512,42,40,838,254,642,0.23600000000000002,0.6890000000000001,0.076,-0.9991,2,5,1,0,0,2,92.0,0,2,2,5,27,31,5,3,22,1,42,9,3,7,7,98,91,55,5,15,22,5,10,2,1,10,4,2,1,3,21,30,0,8,15,1,0,4,24,17,0,4,14,16,101,14,79,58,9,60,0,4,4,2,75,27,2,6,29,346,122,3,0.12512270606927328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055456864729163606,0.0,0.0,0.06479469422699433,0.06903800876031495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620440514733226,0.0,0.0,0.05148266297476261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048105818801775405,0.05223611659445957,0.190684100682147,0.0,0.10647020714219443,0.0,0.0,0.0553304327647078,0.0,0.0,0.07879383408313853,0.0698391602683348,0.0,0.0,0.127570937828847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033575425633854,0.049950149734529284,0.0,0.0,0.040346897135736214,0.2579920316756683,0.0,0.0,0.06492880728612288,0.0,0.07170073063913569,0.0,0.1094957232682578,0.12804396998453693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452396552591148,0.0,0.2770539479765913,0.0,0.0,0.041321183649204674,0.056590325524884535,0.05271063818071255,0.11956010766496075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28469609867380474,0.08938768621658763,0.0600687098435238,0.0,0.05717994327918531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04833474616441413,0.0,0.06537144967194873,0.0,0.0,0.05247349472216282,0.10007205822032576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05532279787648792,0.0,0.0,0.06176638400477955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20966778101196493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394644469651698,0.07062415258204115,0.0,0.0,0.06208248951174158,0.11121481019544352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05099585267578799,0.0,0.06624343971741263,0.0,0.0,0.08837786761475704,0.06112863399343955,0.0,0.05524282090670491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05318742513489225,0.11292812734411993,0.0,0.08352037789497557,0.0,0.251405151762672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636770908110891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927769011263143,0.048251172245388566,0.0,0.06653470869541189,0.0,0.0,0.12005861105151165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717957575043684,0.047580728105378105,0.0,0.0,0.06946697890799039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05462616036596652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04007840472898759,0.1286469809964813,0.0,0.06716748022641966,0.0,0.1068541073243084,0.05951017314163073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970659704584574,0.0,0.13053027067848008,0.0,0.0,0.10350279544287072,0.07032158202887041,0.0,0.0,0.15902409422095048,0.04816278603723235,0.0,0.0,0.08856249535886547,0.0,0.04996157734725504,0.052304092448907664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20529589830422645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047038351625596386,0.05028444578730675,0.10936276011105638,0.057598088491430874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061466211715191565,0.0,0.036480028059570666,0.07190507216650135,0.0,0.059780053832480376,0.0,0.16990020830180338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0540329222618847,0.06890249176627013,0.0,0.0,0.0993165800952134,0.10036588752348673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056451890317775075,0.06984751646845275,0.0,0.060306911818300474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044441790222897834,0.06840101849764299,0.0,0.0 bpd,IlovePizzaHeLikesSex,2020/01/12,"176 days. That means 5 months and 25 days that I've been clean of self harm. But at this moment I think I might be close to throwing it away. Even stole a knife an hour ago Hey all, So yeah, I've been clean this time around for 5 and a half months, and before that I was clean for **over a year** and then relapsed twice and put me on this road of 5 months that I'm at now. So, 4 times total of relapse/recovery. I have bpd and bipolar = moody af. Had an unpleasant exchange of words with my girlfriend of over a year who I live with tonight where she said I was *much more mentally ill and worse than her and she could handle my shit but I can't handle hers* (which is true, I have **a lot** of diagnosis) but she has more than 1 mental illness as well and she is currently going through a depressive episode which I never know how to handle because of childhood trauma and having to be someones caretaker at a young age. I admit, I do not know how to deal with her depressive episodes (working on it in therapy) and we fought and I told her I am trying my best but obviously its not good enough and I get too overwhelmed. Anyway, long story short- I went to leave the house to buy ice cream after our fight, and ended up *stealing a knife* since all of my old tools I used to cut with are rusty and old. I also went to the *liquor store and just started drinking.* She's in the next room watching tv, I am in our bedroom and *took all of my bandages and shit with me in case I do end up cutting myself.* I don't know where this urge came from but Jesus it's strong, and as you can see I've put a lot of thought into harming myself, but damn... it will feel like shit having to restart my sobriety counter. I know a lot of DBT skills and am in therapy, but right now I just want to get drunk and cut.",0.6782199999999996,2.7908283653333363,2.037450000000004,97.15297500000004,84.01333333333334,5.03,19.775,6.2581,-0.1298199999999996,1387,39,320,12,40,444,205,375,0.16,0.758,0.08199999999999999,-0.9840000000000001,1,0,1,0,1,1,51.0,3,1,0,4,16,23,9,1,15,1,26,9,3,3,7,68,50,36,0,2,11,0,1,1,1,2,3,1,5,1,16,31,3,0,9,4,3,8,5,17,1,2,13,5,45,6,52,32,12,61,1,3,3,0,23,24,4,4,30,215,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049877870837666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164327886107639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088390696773443,0.0,0.0,0.09591919804555277,0.0,0.0,0.062234597340172074,0.0,0.08687313790865472,0.0,0.10713970599372807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858184084331387,0.0,0.0,0.1167665414355403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151249749425966,0.0,0.0,0.13168234206130522,0.10525281178969446,0.17586411959223422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000117137629206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18084717951990711,0.10548877053851144,0.0,0.06743108672479699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05162099981038603,0.07293485192208035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667816124477647,0.0,0.058021480316909915,0.08563028599088646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054047794959256,0.1178009562705362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244293168781656,0.0,0.0,0.1081011416917552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04987720408947351,0.0,0.09014948553038717,0.09034858730766678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26038599770425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112085849763838,0.0,0.0,0.2057703127653473,0.10830393400070204,0.0,0.0,0.2444676092503479,0.0,0.07504968247300231,0.0,0.07873997530839215,0.0,0.10857645682024836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142576616019115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20526217921697232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718637683585435,0.09711327923681637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135444823544179,0.0,0.1065046693368527,0.0,0.31438923484063835,0.08445191254705829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650258408035376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722615469562309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23350318079563584,0.0,0.0,0.06541670641174183,0.0,0.08104998506377717,0.11906183311161188,0.0,0.0,0.09755369131272704,0.11342844546834888,0.06931405800121898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817507983233894,0.0,0.0,0.060216759950474624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917933547877381,0.1892814096435468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432450447708604,0.0,0.10404090750134908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148835453096647 bpd,OratioFidelis,2020/01/12,"I just watched Your Name (spoilers) and I'm having a fucking heart attack I love romance movies, the thrill and emotional rollercoasters make my heart pump. But Your Name's ending was like emotional blue balling, I actually feel like I'm having an anxiety attack from how much existential happiness I feel for the protagonists when they recognize each other and finally feel vindicated for their crazy impulses. They probably spent years actually questioning their sanity and being gaslit by their own emotions, reacting irrationally for what what there's no reasonable proof for. I would love to feel that way. I would love to feel like my depersonalization wasn't just me being crazy.",9.672014652014653,10.823169119658122,8.88070818070818,61.162307692307714,58.65811965811966,13.523321123321125,38.08180708180709,12.785403640627713,5.623047374847376,565,25,85,20,7,178,75,117,0.138,0.603,0.259,0.9592,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,5,0,5,12,3,0,4,0,8,6,2,4,1,23,21,7,0,2,3,0,5,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,7,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,3,7,16,9,8,14,3,5,0,0,2,4,13,0,1,1,7,54,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.260844374382877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224115233991762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040901619982473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4510115552568314,0.11837338325959347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33788486008019797,0.190957806529767,0.0,0.14640599426295867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355638697382595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227189182697694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167495197007536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958825151027684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36187043885826,0.0,0.08921177422982758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824742470932024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440962733657691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971751555882665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374134757680189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608438975065723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18988089161761468,0.0,0.0,0.08606560205355085 bpd,milkybutterfly,2020/01/12,"Getting to the Root of a Feeling I had a hard time today being around hundreds of people for my job and working with people I don't normally. One person in particular I do not get along very well with, and I believe this is a one sided thing. I don't believe this girl realizes that she irritates me to the level I sometimes allow her to. I came home exhausted and vented to my partner, and after doing some exercise I sat in the bath and meditated. Thoughts of my day came through and as I tried to accept what was happening I realized the reason this girl makes me so angry is because she doesn't see a need to think deeply. Her shallow nature allows her to be ditzy and ignorant without worrying about being wrong. Her identity does not rely on other people thinking she is right. I on the other hand care very much about not knowing the answer to things. If I know everything, if I'm prepared, people will like me more and I wont be abandoned. I need others to think I am knowledgeable and indispensable. I realized that I envy the ability to play in the unknown. I am able to see all of the reasons my thought process might be wrong, and how her mindset could be beneficial. Maybe this realization is a step towards letting it not affect me so much. I hope so.",4.5267921146953425,5.8556450483871,5.818010752688171,77.89007168458781,70.29032258064515,8.575627240143369,31.11648745519713,8.998388855275968,2.746991218637993,1004,43,183,19,18,337,140,248,0.084,0.779,0.136,0.8819,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,8,11,0,0,14,0,24,3,1,8,1,55,46,17,0,7,7,0,3,1,1,3,2,0,2,4,13,16,0,2,16,3,0,3,9,5,1,2,7,5,35,6,32,28,5,17,0,1,2,0,12,10,0,5,5,146,48,2,0.11810288812371568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513660969643933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719944244088414,0.0,0.0,0.26612302328270804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701564820902756,0.12041376558700985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429554604731577,0.0,0.0,0.07616659243163687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103352633278382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614326052740808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05971636883008679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234077690553918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443799392702403,0.0,0.10579698998750027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846682630898693,0.11730281621629325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719889288819554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298125173108763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076820482198135,0.0,0.057699105529940724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883459490653619,0.0,0.11865022522736213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528850065461247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736384237268105,0.17514359013494712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571575474377604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600591470387967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32751068833822394,0.10312288646887266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428588779988405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085922115443582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18822542200425912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168067762373846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692462204770194,0.22702668577219864,0.0,0.18752100189922105,0.06886674382320615,0.0,0.111947728533041,0.0,0.0,0.08018410855882002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19489450287420265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061886800098882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384696963987101,0.0,0.08598030915267381,0.11993921574024813,0.0,0.0,0.2582539361226032,0.0,0.0 bpd,Nofapislit,2020/01/12,"My Obsession With Getting and Keeping my Favorite Person After i lost caroline in high school i promised myself i would never not be able to replace her again. She was so pretty and loved me so much and it was my fault i was abusive. But i knew she wasn't coming back. I dedicated my life from a young age to psychology and human behavior my room is filled with hundreds of books. Maybe even thousands now. I didn't know i was bpd until a year or so ago but it kinda made my hobby go into a full blown obsession. I've read everything about every disorder. Everything about what makes people happy. Its just cues now girl i like says or does this i do this. If i feel this, then this is the plan. I feel like the idea of me is abstract. I change depending on the situation and what i want. But i care alot, i really do. I'm just so afraid to not have, that i do everything i can to have. I use hypnosis and things such as this. But then shortly after when the person says they love me they don't love me they love what ive read. I know what you want, thats all. My life is getting better but all i do is sleep and study and do what ever the books tell me to do to succeed. I'm not upset about it but i can't believe this is what life is. That i can never just be myself. I wouldn't even be with my self. I have many girls who like me now, but still it's always the one who likes me least that i want the most. It's never about anything else. I dream about caroline often and i'm over it i really am i wish her well but why does she haunt me. I can never replace her. Because she's just an ideal its been years over 5 now, i've had other people i loved. I didn't even love her she was just my first one who got away. Healing my bpd actually got rid of the person i knew. The passionate lover i was is now a calculated charmer. I know what your body language means, i know what you want to smell, when you want to be touched, when not to touch you, how to look at you, exactly what to say. The rabbit whole goes so deep. In a way it's nice. I'm not happy nor sad. Just indifferent. I could care less but somewhere deep down that boy who just wants to hold caroline and be loved forever by her or what she stood for is still there. She loved me for just me but also left me because of just me. Idk ima continue what i'm doing i just wanted to vent.",0.12519033361847676,2.2167640379241567,2.219266823495868,95.08611152694613,86.26546906187626,5.494739093242087,17.72886370116909,6.868970318607317,-0.08055434844596565,1817,44,424,24,56,608,215,501,0.044000000000000004,0.713,0.243,0.9989,1,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,6,3,6,42,31,0,4,17,0,45,16,2,5,8,85,90,39,0,13,29,0,4,4,1,2,4,3,1,8,37,15,0,2,10,5,0,3,16,7,1,4,18,9,84,24,42,64,9,49,0,2,1,10,46,16,0,9,33,309,121,6,0.07142535555429208,0.08462736677126394,0.06970084378958306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331426813953013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057118831031497175,0.059431617587107535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587769817864772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710647272218595,0.054921689597167984,0.0,0.08708046759942895,0.0,0.0,0.08047191673771473,0.0,0.06316992266781879,0.0,0.07933746832701563,0.1799154699150523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564582047602465,0.0,0.07555855551227099,0.06152661937682554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05702733447602463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185964546782495,0.0,0.12500961994507653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05966671946416732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141527321145115,0.06460832327763426,0.06017894260481613,0.0,0.19257751211605487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222961172011688,0.05102628827944712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06075437094682105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463360060856407,0.0,0.04059267555946886,0.0,0.1142507633343435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206723827326735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075464809667248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063053249663722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634861378135058,0.0,0.0,0.15701402991287544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760385779750817,0.0,0.15134952278012634,0.13957928355904725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059979309730137015,0.0,0.07796921295752493,0.0,0.5157133761585044,0.06758439841831923,0.04767697945946538,0.07241409987920687,0.0717563698745774,0.07780315125910922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05250585463914595,0.0,0.220350549747875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679933885263818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903469650075067,0.18709759639684226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266526447754867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288936853976494,0.0,0.09151382343767067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040092862188613,0.0,0.07228627303868626,0.0,0.0,0.07451222313435837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802850922481101,0.07147693809186746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408076241910142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06242890895443307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047451832478639065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06168857444716475,0.0,0.0,0.2948996769115096,0.056694122662353214,0.0,0.0,0.06421997248367199,0.0,0.06445027388436822,0.07974385872986874,0.08213563393865292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050738523292204483,0.0,0.0,0.09199117440939156 bpd,redpyramid--thing,2020/01/12,"i wish i could disappear(21m) i miss having friends to talk with, and i miss my ex that i pushed away like an idiot when i was younger. i feel like i'm not making it anywhere in life and the only thing i have longed for is having someone to talk with everyday again, like i always did with her. my emotions are so hard to control and whenever i become sad or for some random reason it's just unbearable. feeling like i need to talk with someone and yet feeling like i need to be alone at the same time. i'm waiting for life to turn around because i just can't bring myself to do anything about it myself. and everyone around me just acts annoyed when i have episodes, like they think it's just all in my head or i'm just exaggerating for attention. and it makes me feel so worthless, like i'm just a problem.",5.922884872824633,5.2289506325301245,6.246706827309238,83.12834672021421,66.77108433734941,9.064524765729583,32.29986613119143,8.167268648758528,2.162585809906292,639,23,135,7,9,206,93,166,0.14,0.7070000000000001,0.152,0.2715,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,16,15,2,0,4,0,12,3,1,4,1,41,31,12,0,5,9,1,5,7,1,0,2,0,0,0,7,12,0,2,7,0,0,3,2,7,0,0,2,5,23,8,22,27,3,16,0,4,0,0,7,6,0,4,14,92,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756017186398858,0.0,0.0,0.1105158422206367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929851666579372,0.2364736984111805,0.0,0.0,0.12478759038450575,0.0,0.0,0.08096507892968266,0.14668787743159406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896752507647332,0.1060449665530052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494032199881076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269140101259793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686286086969954,0.28465723062295106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261543894452144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897951424984042,0.0,0.1363103585871026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876276260440153,0.4542197357967937,0.0,0.0,0.11754041666834605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773150977011882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969668445264008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101464654898706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708960886820178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365597988136393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22507379647386305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202640472546082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823887762440738,0.08510489381004985,0.0,0.0,0.0774476828596101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446866318480567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527350109182502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,theyellow_one,2020/01/12,"i am fragile hi, gab. if you are reading this, keep on I can't say it directly to you, but your text message made me cry. I've commented how fragile i am, and how everyone has to think twice before telling me anything, but you ignored that and with ONLY FOUR WORDS, YOU MADE ME CRY LIKE A BABY FOR TWO HOURS. your ""very good fuck you"" made me cry like a baby for two hours, and i am not okay. my partner is trying so hard, and i needed to say it. your comment affected me in a way that you don't even understand, and probably won't care. thank you, owen",1.5858620689655183,3.1404375862069003,3.3788275862068997,91.49893103448278,78.3103448275862,6.708965517241379,24.53103448275862,7.554174236665415,1.0363303448275856,424,15,96,6,10,142,72,116,0.248,0.665,0.087,-0.9686,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,10,0,0,4,8,1,0,3,1,9,1,0,6,0,22,19,11,0,2,4,0,3,2,1,1,0,2,0,1,5,6,0,2,2,1,0,0,4,2,0,4,3,5,21,6,8,15,0,5,0,0,0,1,18,2,1,1,4,63,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239063819549853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265567459799819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163831466648064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4901128401321922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823357506387574,0.0,0.0,0.14211617109832045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374968266393175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474615989739883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332312562461859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929346409001976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219646003242058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532217438215395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4221906639163293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028007762745914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311449995270124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035415734956687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876845046641335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23654927228600284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999500444814666,0.1369289466001934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529902678205293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097668672364232,0.0,0.29057168558394275,0.15483130398697142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271634314205795,0.0,0.11805352441856246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,prettypinkkush,2020/01/12,"telling my therapist i’ve been diagnosed with ptsd (something i didnt know i had until i started therapy, then it clicked). i’m pretty sure i have bpd too (i fit everything), how to i tell my therapist without making it seem like i’m self diagnosing?",2.502244897959187,4.939483714285718,4.607510204081635,79.48391836734696,79.20408163265307,8.817959183673471,32.248979591836736,9.3871,3.5753967346938778,198,11,37,6,5,68,37,49,0.0,0.774,0.226,0.8591,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,1,7,10,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,8,2,4,7,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,4,21,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545195740067588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4102249945617741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816213890897476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106088883123356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872875247579006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348936198502727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055935731223836,0.0,0.0,0.23622709907612474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18397102127827253,0.21081921748483054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557526712357655,0.0,0.0,0.1430371351642198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19046316305283228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35326321455939863,0.0,0.2311023458504902,0.4692736107456324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19480318078520406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,beammeupspammy,2020/01/12,"Romantic relationships Has anyone with BPD been able to maintain a healthy relationship? Long term? Please tell me your experiences",7.808333333333334,12.100284500000004,6.480000000000004,60.478333333333346,79.0,10.666666666666668,36.66666666666666,9.725611199111238,5.711666666666668,110,6,14,4,3,33,20,20,0.0,0.665,0.335,0.7941,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,0.2962422617405592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071394773846673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731067582102349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897817764155267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26216507944007084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251850435095465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6361066470756329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589287941674847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jjhhggtt,2020/01/12,"Does anyone else get obsessed with a new musical artist once a month? Every so often I get completely obsessed with a random music artist, listen basically exclusively to their stuff for a bit, then, having heard their songs so many times, I get sick of it and pick a new one. This month: Marina. Previous artists: Maroon V, Bastille, Eminem, 2pac, biggie, Tom Grennan, Imagine dragons. Btw, any artist recommendations? Looking for another person to eventually get sick of....",7.314791666666667,9.541951562500003,7.309999999999999,66.40166666666667,64.625,9.833333333333336,33.333333333333336,10.125756701596842,3.917958333333334,375,16,54,9,6,120,60,80,0.131,0.8690000000000001,0.0,-0.8541,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,7,8,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,4,4,0,8,7,1,6,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,6,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895118290194136,0.2142574756582409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287205671967307,0.20935989429037924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22307507958476566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21423577229137736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788102718639618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706912209365324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17215656030920892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4270152783719199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17158546172319547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071582153737287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.326187987615777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946857386205361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21760443079507616,0.13845907302251334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17841278717329515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339085876121008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191462742148536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,0949325098,2020/01/12,"16yo - Help? Tbh i dont wanna spit out my whole life story here. Thing is just i never ever had a single friend... 2 days ago i failrd suicide and now when i m still here i feel like i idk maybe should try to find someone... In school no one never liked me but here maybe someone? Idk how to be friend but i promiss ill do my best. (I have diagnosed Bpd, no fakeing or selfdiagnose)",-0.8484599156118122,1.2891887848101256,1.1673734177215174,98.4187394514768,97.86075949367088,3.6459915611814337,15.444092827004221,5.46131890053228,-0.8670514767932489,290,7,66,2,12,95,60,79,0.18100000000000002,0.66,0.159,0.4106,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,1,0,7,4,1,1,3,14,8,6,1,2,4,0,1,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,1,11,5,5,5,3,10,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,10,46,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825052454535747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19918845304164964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23905253173204166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240840949119375,0.0,0.0,0.1926479012713399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22244984044893013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716893300812095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597102214650473,0.13559660438149254,0.0,0.0,0.17347817077616842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932854727956791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722217279251616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406476057564978,0.18545809945019748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813689149580663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927783631426889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861666111111306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19209261535464944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216420233238189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157837784090486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20761567117906926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260978913564159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886501656174246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21191030797360602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,A_Moody_Foodie,2020/01/12,Weird attachments? So I get super attached to parent like figures but the part I find too hard to work out is that as soon as they start showing concern for me/ start looking out for me/ acting like they are my parent etc. I can't stand it. I hate them so much when they do it. But then why do I get attached to those sorts of people in the first place?,2.303693693693696,3.730482432432435,3.092972972972973,94.8545045045045,76.02702702702703,5.473873873873874,21.792792792792795,5.46131890053228,-0.06421801801801852,276,7,62,1,6,87,52,74,0.038,0.7879999999999999,0.174,0.8897,2,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,4,3,5,5,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,11,8,0,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,2,12,3,11,11,3,12,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,1,8,46,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256556139304645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21025299152447244,0.19567246399179464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403734957677374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20607124267504665,0.227117521772387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22477248888079596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193176213341026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691063505575523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5108658487560678,0.2491116125316523,0.0,0.15948122565488773,0.0,0.2403435232658909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32564791985115404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20757591098982847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674723369234752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,4monthsthrowaway,2020/01/13,"Regarding sex in a relationship So my partner has BPD, and I have dated another person with BPD before so there are some aspects that I can understand. Everyone is different though and people are going to well, be different. But my partner and I have been seeing each other for maybe 8 months now, and we haven't had sex in four. There has also been a lack of affection in any way from them for just as long. I tried to talk about it with them a while ago, and say that I don't feel loved or that I don't feel that they're attracted to me. It's less about us not having sex and more about me feeling like I'm inadequate. They went on to say that it's not a me problem but a problem with them, and wouldn't voice anything else. The next couple of days they've shown me more affection, and it's nice to see them trying. I'm just wondering if I could have any insight into how my partner may be thinking. And want to say sorry if I am being ignorant in any way! Thanks.",4.109724454649825,4.517863263681598,5.292736318407961,84.65497129735934,70.59203980099501,8.771680061232301,26.90432453119021,8.841846274778883,1.7777314198239569,760,23,164,13,13,253,114,201,0.049,0.813,0.138,0.9478,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,0,5,0,14,9,0,0,6,0,23,4,0,3,0,43,38,21,0,8,9,0,3,1,3,2,0,4,0,4,10,15,0,1,7,0,0,2,6,3,1,1,4,9,22,6,24,28,6,18,0,0,2,4,17,6,0,6,9,120,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546826782985894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416944984878608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657452670633669,0.13658972141629405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719347272869006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084227763538126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281176309438483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040025846368321,0.1441310078731758,0.0,0.08400738749522202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721894533561141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881611595721848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446969911701924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975912001296113,0.09305828361516176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403016841483318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363880753536383,0.0,0.0,0.11527663716776135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756538453244003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308644003736504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397286307257696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385337523342412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030638113668593,0.11373863536027165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24928383180111374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985126339395124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107656558740829,0.0,0.0,0.2076018561150126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581621021531774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046986316698746,0.0,0.11992656889091975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346580897891269,0.12798049495726688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17687695520068522,0.0,0.0,0.13560600227416225,0.1566876062669711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683114695076143,0.2067897910634859,0.0,0.0,0.11712002998169448,0.12075299145396808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126219310542126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,leifyla,2020/01/13,"Is this the BPD talking or something else? Quiet borderline maybe? Hi guys... I’m newly diagnosed and have been kinda struggling with accepting it.. I have been lurking on here and have kinda started to accept that it may actually be the case... I am incredibly depressed and find it really hard to control myself when I spiral. I over analyze everything to the point where everything is wrong and I can do nothing right. I have incredibly low self worth. The thing I still struggle with though is I find it hard to crack it at people. I feel like I have split on some people but only when provoked. I find it hard to fit that anger criteria as the main person I’m angry with is myself. Even if I get angry at someone I always find a way to flip it and make it my fault anyway. Has anyone else had similar experience? I have heard the quiet borderline thrown around on here a lot and was curious if I may fit that?",2.8569795109054863,5.157111505617976,4.469933906146731,81.664656311963,77.20224719101122,7.559021810971581,24.515532055518843,8.4952907291091,1.8662441506939864,720,25,134,15,17,241,103,178,0.192,0.7240000000000001,0.085,-0.9608,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,10,10,1,2,8,0,21,1,0,3,0,30,28,14,0,2,4,0,4,1,0,2,1,3,0,3,13,10,0,1,7,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,5,7,18,3,17,20,3,18,0,2,0,0,6,13,0,9,5,99,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.1270068991473674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082946066454761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100338559172612,0.13335329262413378,0.0,0.1158604306716209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16391843125697794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597345689950653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209736308362858,0.1320987547487854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21744600522532911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596235581469909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23393951760672094,0.1273109455983863,0.0,0.0,0.0658073741466055,0.09297865416000584,0.0,0.0,0.475816246829536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799761430516175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886822501749734,0.0,0.0,0.3497645071237658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635843521620865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064824287532912,0.0,0.0,0.08687563869584612,0.0,0.13075242043488264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488172083167386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898437358523468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18045821293831746,0.11364130984327235,0.0,0.0,0.12303311443864558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337694575854827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114675310433704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577405802203416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027504186539837,0.1001952554289784,0.0,0.0,0.092120312942959,0.0,0.10393736359173757,0.0,0.0,0.27212052063851205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460904163369986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646538225801205,0.0,0.1278709827603068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330642109532263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229777975625282,0.0,0.0 bpd,GinsuWife,2020/01/13,"I'm 34 and was just released from my voluntary commitment to an inpatient facility. Day 1. Intake I didn't expect the ward to be so crowded. I've been sitting in a plastic chair pulled up to the room length desk for an hour. Group therapy is in session in the day room beside me. I can't hear what he's saying but I watch him. He waves his arms and bounces on black vinyl high top chucks. I can see where he's doodled on the sides. I can see the whiteboard and the words Codependency, BPD, Shame. Goddammit this is the therapy for me but I can't hear it. I can only sit and watch while the  intake staff goes through my suitcase and stuffs my shit into a paper sack. The therapist writes the phrase ""Realm of the hungry ghosts"" on the board. I want so badly to know what the hell that means. I try to creep out of my chair towards the day room. Unfortunately two men approach and request to see my weiner. They take me into the bathroom and politely have me strip one item of clothing at a time so they can check it. The main event is saved for last of course. They tell me I can just pull my boxer briefs down a bit and turn around once. My socks are slippery on the cold floor and I turn a little slip into a dick out pirouette while my drawers drop to my ankles. I bend over to grab them and realize I just presented my butthole. I immediately stand up, turn around and start brainstorming a joke to break the tension but I decide to be an adult. They're professionals, I'm making a big deal out of nothing. That's why I'm here, to change my behavior and stop my shame spirals. I congratulate my maturity. I don't know how long I'm in my head and one of the guys says ""Ok...so we're done with that part."" Ah, my bad. I tuck my penis away and I stay very quiet. 505A At some point the sun sets and I'm led to my room. My roommate is Bryce. He's in his late 30s, clean cut and irritatingly handsome. It's his last night before he gets to go home. He fist bumps me. Oh God, I'm in the nut hatch and I'm rooming with a bro. Perfect. The bed is what I expected, all plastic and thin. There's a little shelf beside my head and a wall of wooden cubby holes beside the curtained bathroom. There's a bright light low on the wall beside the door. It can't be turned off. I pretend it's a reading light. I try to convince myself that I'm comfortable and read while Bryce showers. ""I'm losing my mind. I'm losing my mind."" Bryce is quietly mumbling these words and wandering back and forth between the cubbies and his bed. He has shirts and pants laid out on the bed. He puts them on and puts on his shoes. He washes his hands. He takes them off and puts on another shirt and another pair of pants and a new pair of shoes. He walks out into the hall and back inside briskly. He washes his hands. I hear him whisper ""Okay, aaaaand I am done."" He takes off his shoes and lines them up at the end of his bed. He washes his hands. He is not a bro. I am an asshole. Something about the moonlight on his bed and the folded clothes for tomorrow hits me in the throat. It reminds me of my dad. It reminds me of the chaotic life I've been living. Nothing to do, nowhere to go, very few responsibilities. I've been freefalling for years, it's not a secret. Bryce is trapped in patterns and rituals. Order and Disorder. Felix and Oscar. I turn to the wall and stare at the suicide light while hot tears run down my face. The door can't be shut completely but we've got it at just a crack to block the dim hall lights. It creaks open and a guy with a clipboard peeks in at me and checks the Still Alive box on his form. I assume. Bryce mumbles that he's a jerk for coming in so late. I don't tell him that whatever I told them apparently triggered these little visits every 15 minutes. All night. Bryce groans with his hands on his face 15 minutes later when the door creaks open again and he figures it out. Sorry brother.",1.094144260785754,3.3636683178973747,2.4500470415605733,93.85450980392159,83.59324155193994,5.325628299742494,20.698301037216066,6.647476241863616,0.2233779609569435,3042,92,667,33,87,979,356,799,0.113,0.83,0.055999999999999994,-0.9941,2,1,1,0,0,1,95.0,0,0,8,4,21,20,4,3,63,2,36,21,17,4,4,95,73,52,2,3,10,4,7,0,0,0,4,8,17,4,24,57,0,2,8,4,2,14,9,12,1,3,9,28,88,8,95,59,9,129,2,3,8,1,65,77,3,2,30,383,112,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547583340802561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138414154436068,0.0,0.0,0.06933164469542731,0.11348565688997997,0.12322937542194055,0.0,0.0,0.06279303469780168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056364797843882,0.0,0.09294062800023534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806398864329775,0.06356676995384042,0.07737132886111138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277256594848214,0.07607810218275815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457401535563844,0.0,0.0,0.15103322640004374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535934750356108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062174405799818276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03855418165960815,0.0,0.08387736219655012,0.0,0.05901959236086661,0.0,0.0,0.14613480217639624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151467326530583,0.0,0.24951271300728894,0.0,0.0,0.07796713429594268,0.0740211346030224,0.0,0.0726719659540855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111021554644804,0.12030348892768156,0.16648509827177865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05212269851452063,0.0,0.22188213120928088,0.06516122139907897,0.06530513475492275,0.0,0.16511263114117775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04925789221137244,0.0,0.0,0.08038301255398535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902127551240615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127045066513672,0.0,0.1385008457854584,0.0,0.1416141610292741,0.0,0.0,0.07858792113290049,0.10000909146077926,0.056123461972370406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991142561194399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975893334914872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22254926180870108,0.0,0.0,0.14762741250558534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736748244731407,0.0,0.0,0.176412161935721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757482101955814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05681002368558735,0.0,0.0826060465634972,0.05223158659366652,0.07865430466746527,0.058931773387708414,0.06169486807882231,0.0,0.0,0.08447617343269588,0.08071837065378673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664511185824256,0.0,0.12899795679235468,0.0,0.1687791380249738,0.08568021586716719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043029721256428205,0.0,0.0,0.07051307770118469,0.0,0.10020220643330464,0.4013319751863714,0.07208575802809153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177512203301173,0.043525457788058636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665873694177446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04752074696036315 bpd,paimonia666,2020/01/13,"Is this what dissociation feels like? All my life I believed this is normal and now I'm not sure anymore. I got diagnosed with BPD a while ago and since I read more about BPD and see memes etc. about it and dissociation I think I might experience it too. So I simply don't hear the words someone (mostly my bf but I guess that's because I spend most time with him) says to me, sounds pretty normal, but almost all the time when that happens I have to ask them 2 or 3 times to repeat it again because I simply don't understand it, like I got cotton in my ears and it's evens hard to look at them in that moment. I always thought zoning out like that is normal. I also sometimes reply but when they say something related to what I replyed literally a few seconds later I can't even remember replying in the first place and get very confused. I also sometimes get very heavy arms and when my arms are touching each other for a while (for example when I'm sitting on the bus) it feels weird, as if one of the arms belongs to another person when obviously it's my own arm.",4.617373271889399,5.132341036866362,5.7895622119815675,81.16148617511523,69.50691244239631,8.411981566820277,28.403225806451612,8.418075326091056,1.8833741935483863,843,28,171,12,14,282,129,217,0.042,0.895,0.062,0.721,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,3,1,15,6,0,1,8,0,9,7,5,0,4,37,26,23,0,4,6,0,4,3,1,1,2,5,0,1,16,11,0,0,6,1,1,0,4,2,0,3,3,11,26,4,20,22,9,25,0,0,2,0,10,7,0,8,20,119,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069742447364644,0.0,0.12084212622967545,0.0,0.0,0.1930131703128452,0.1004142129675478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654197176320434,0.0,0.0,0.11968068478380255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281814486675493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471290362579591,0.0,0.0,0.13596338974560512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30398079415771384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122486178240775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458847247539835,0.15941407557307755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804676890573745,0.0,0.0,0.12203739201943692,0.08621277337313105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264910481398183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609911306989208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19303530590169185,0.0,0.1329410176674772,0.0,0.10671563472705947,0.0,0.1081042685157038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601348567784835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523882197162985,0.1768723173899823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133958026737283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802086069080398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547180413298087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177490215894102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537184668734496,0.12608338959802068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227734603033018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071119772502133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670526139556824,0.0,0.0,0.19193683801305786,0.0,0.0,0.09616517239400746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998265356749537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022505356626634,0.09290423621852248,0.2387083243920616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373809615336823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732593590122533,0.0,0.0958052811523384,0.21110588213177855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563061651175633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991448686152287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,JacobsGirl360,2020/01/13,"DAE just want some company? Throughout my life I've never had a whole lot of friends. I'm a loner at heart and the majority of time I don't want many people around. I do have a few close friends, but most live pretty far away with busy lives. My closest is a married man who is limited to the time he can spend with me. He calls me daily and takes me to eat but I'm not even sure I'd want him around more than an hour or so. Lately I wouldn't mind just having some to spend time with. Male or female, it doesn't matter. Someone to come over after church. We don't have to interact constantly. We can eat lunch, then they can watch the game or play video games while I read a book. Later we can run out for some dinner. Just to have another person around. I live in a city of about 100,000 people so you would think this wouldn't be difficult to find. But I have such a hard time clicking with people or even finding someone I'd want to spend time with. Instead I have these ""fantasy"" people who would be perfect to hang out with, but probably don't exist.",2.097815428983417,3.8092352968036534,3.1299206921413147,93.1522278298486,77.31050228310501,6.254361932227829,21.115356885364093,7.0608816371341465,0.34370684931506856,826,21,184,9,19,264,124,219,0.043,0.84,0.11699999999999999,0.9401,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,3,1,1,2,13,6,0,0,11,0,24,6,1,0,3,52,33,14,0,8,12,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,3,5,18,4,1,3,7,3,3,8,1,0,0,1,3,18,5,31,26,9,28,1,0,2,0,19,12,0,9,13,120,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291513965431305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130513171183214,0.0,0.0,0.11013182379932167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196944816112748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097444448061813,0.0,0.12667291821436494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398901582460856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484509280916442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21427347529669866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18112739265348135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500588126364922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890598079933747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543785214911408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322289957827119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279578356987903,0.0,0.0,0.3105215887433834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965604871354396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884243896262275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183585426912923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090407105806999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325061690850399,0.10235177365059812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925463787827313,0.12638272790633678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725148201400745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19863984566675025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047823720391924,0.0,0.08813467185366765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510968951855135,0.0,0.0,0.34175892555015563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765570076381263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308716766424886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665391095785438,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SillyLittleBPD,2020/01/13,"I should just put my mask on and stop talking... [f27] Lately everthing has got more worse and its just taking a huge toll on me.. Almost lost my dad (he had some kind of stroke, and half of his body is ”melting” though he should be able to recover) AND almost lost my beloved fur-child (my cat)... and these happened in the last three weeks.. I also hurt my leg so havent been able to excercise.. I feel generally lost in life and try to find a meaning to it.. first time being single for almost a year, in the last 15 years... sigh.. I feel like I’m ”complaining” a lot about my exhaustion to some of my close friends and at the same time I’m afraid they’ll get mad at me or get annoyed because I talk about 80% negative things... Just have been thinking suicide lately and/or just putting my ”mask” on again.. thought its been years since I’ve used it.. so not sure if I can do it... BPD just makes me super emotional and its just so exhausting... also had to start my medication again.. last time was 6 years ago.. I feel like I’ve failed.. Anyone else? *hugs* (?)",1.7921090047393378,3.7994547867298607,2.6733151658767795,94.68693957345974,79.33175355450237,6.115734597156397,20.97654028436019,7.1686216300943375,0.3532727962085307,804,22,181,10,20,253,127,211,0.158,0.759,0.083,-0.943,0,0,0,0,0,1,55.0,0,0,1,6,16,19,2,1,7,0,17,8,2,2,1,39,36,16,1,3,9,1,4,2,1,3,5,0,0,0,8,9,0,1,7,0,0,2,3,11,1,3,11,4,21,7,20,20,6,31,0,5,0,1,9,10,0,8,21,107,29,1,0.21428177363160086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497393165101296,0.0,0.3218583650309658,0.0,0.0,0.17136105695531872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749153992113077,0.10977849986701604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531209015715389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900937206837794,0.1349401962999526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950246291628458,0.1205190768986585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625209547925566,0.15308294189793853,0.0,0.0,0.0979248295288194,0.09113398359257244,0.0,0.0,0.08277678337942643,0.0,0.11195338256845827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569035469287294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474433237299984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469653527684252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157074633478854,0.0,0.2620023679756514,0.2417191741135408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567677689045584,0.10468725080593418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508708030546401,0.0910873505764236,0.0,0.0,0.0715173739121676,0.0,0.0,0.11670783516966199,0.0,0.1079331716739467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154123675227704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862804873740501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583487113934162,0.0,0.0,0.08957457882934558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719474050688293,0.0,0.1009790178635792,0.0,0.08055661303759902,0.17223157279575854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117964444617571,0.06865155411216703,0.10526537731252916,0.08505789637855404,0.18742413811944428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274162923540964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253532616505944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594195676496773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918571696733713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27598087342967137 bpd,KneeCeee,2020/01/13,I’m having some breakthrough My therapist triggered me 2 weeks ago. In response I no showed to our sesh. She called me today and I told her I didn’t want to see her last week cause I couldn’t trust her. And she was happy!!! Wooohooo!!,-0.5712499999999991,1.5624177083333386,0.7624999999999993,100.2825,101.08333333333334,3.233333333333334,16.416666666666664,5.148860815047168,-0.8426333333333331,182,5,40,1,8,57,37,48,0.046,0.755,0.19899999999999998,0.8057,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,7,8,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,13,2,3,4,1,6,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,1,5,24,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26256799733387753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024585803117478,0.0,0.0,0.3042842869811641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153158947167585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414467347695849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23603715820537755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439170142092299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807678519630376,0.2830367185732985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470947444584115,0.0,0.4751958159982437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,potatopizza99,2020/01/13,"just curious A few years ago I took the Myers-Briggs personality type test and I got ENFP and I took it again today and I got ISTP, did this happen to any of you guys too?",-0.7994594594594595,1.336595540540543,2.2851891891891896,91.85913513513515,93.5945945945946,5.122162162162162,12.805405405405404,6.742157984588678,-0.6304227027027031,133,2,31,2,5,47,30,37,0.0,0.929,0.071,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,5,0,2,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,19,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24989991732116434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19171131461987465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4509450578850875,0.0,0.0,0.2791393679218102,0.24929578480190304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24615659442155385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672216862087145,0.0,0.626434070138117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815434937076284 bpd,outofnothinatall,2020/01/13,"I'm a non-experienced F23 on romantic relationships Hi everyone I'm new to this sub and hope my post and the choice of flair alike is acceptable. I've never had a partner and think alot about meeting someone one day. I don't wanna go into details about why I've been single this whole time etc. But I was just wondering, if any of you have experienced whether it's better for you, to have a partner with BPD than one without? If yes/no, then why? Being with someone to eventually marry is a scary thought to me. I want to fall in love but coming from an abusive home, I'm scared I'd end up with someone abusive. So I wanna make sure he's the one and that takes time and lots of understanding. Someone who understands, alone can be a tough task to find, considering how I've always been neglected by my family and lost so many friends. Besides I don't even have experience with the opposite gender..",3.750231444533121,5.33881440223464,5.151735833998405,80.89995810055869,72.57541899441341,8.466241021548285,28.986831604150037,9.04235418022936,2.4097546687948923,714,29,141,15,14,239,118,179,0.157,0.742,0.10099999999999999,-0.9398,0,2,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,0,2,7,10,0,1,10,0,14,1,0,2,2,37,30,15,0,6,7,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,5,12,0,1,7,0,0,3,4,4,0,3,6,1,10,6,26,22,5,15,0,2,0,1,11,4,0,6,7,90,15,0,0.0,0.3061585860785717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381085417909888,0.0,0.0,0.10750364038864127,0.0,0.0,0.08785952360756555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426572127043427,0.0,0.0,0.16272119759951598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112932111282447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332245153122224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443167029251687,0.0,0.1440906652340922,0.08533450069879248,0.0,0.0,0.1234548624949623,0.0,0.12638108708360618,0.12179700435677948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808524051823645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099818569220065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342657953675785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959679668022342,0.1283234277210255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103560649154276,0.10984008604089912,0.1166068407377968,0.0,0.0862411131097812,0.13098716926342172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964597642330406,0.12478087716018987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26264508025429395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373660866385602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871101653274784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293504040215224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43787844332265735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176821414028355,0.0,0.0971413182095949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278528865756303,0.0,0.10256930954248736,0.15067356280832572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690007364524777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620472090335077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331634018360485,0.14424569715831026,0.0,0.12454290400753874,0.14011044253566465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bambi_houdiniii,2020/01/13,"I'm lonely, and so I'll just express myself here. I'm just gonna lay it out here, like it's a confessional. I'm super disconnected from what is known as a social life. I don't have true friends that I can talk to, my friends leave me like clockwork, after one year. It's as if they only pretend to like me. I don't see the point though in wasting someones time, so it does frustrate me, because what people have done to me, I would never do to them, without reasonable justification. Why do people give up on each other so easily? I'm trying to recognise where I might go wrong, obviously I am not without flaws. I have been moody (to say the least) when I've perceived any form of criticism. I'm quite sensitive to people's facial expressions, as all bpds would know. Maybe that's already too much for people? I don't know. I need/ want to reach out to people again. Maybe online is best for now. If anyone's lonely like myself and wants to chat, feel free to direct message me. (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ lol",2.090579710144926,3.8107544106280216,3.887270531400969,87.67554347826089,77.35748792270532,6.339130434782609,22.61111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.7236937198067634,781,23,165,9,18,263,127,207,0.14800000000000002,0.7170000000000001,0.135,0.2618,0,4,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,2,3,13,15,1,0,4,1,17,2,1,2,4,29,32,12,0,7,7,0,1,4,2,4,1,1,0,0,9,5,0,0,7,2,1,1,7,5,0,1,2,3,19,11,26,26,6,15,0,2,1,0,12,7,0,3,11,101,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502267201844129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257545916132208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951877197150611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298572786548787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286372637048889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913135732172178,0.13931185151175446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883319609178097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103528336813793,0.0,0.0,0.13059167325807305,0.0773678143945156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963084049285585,0.0,0.0,0.14414573741589726,0.0,0.0,0.0961551283637908,0.2660318383767342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735288290099178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441614757492008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007379805244876,0.1009412772424245,0.1049945599770052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224759366860424,0.10353567340091198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4718891962579662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869017495016802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479475137203374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996792755005671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825883599745392,0.0,0.0,0.10848078706143398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877097596023638,0.11534548641676602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941896359068094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375048837506248,0.0,0.07938054799133885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242572138936084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059014978043015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283932406121845,0.0,0.0,0.26245570315816164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19341068794404184,0.14884062925176686,0.0,0.08766552105209942 bpd,szagalore,2020/01/13,"Career building Any one who is an engineer working in the civil industry ? I don’t know how to do this leadership and even to talk to people. I hate attending office parties because I have this deep feeling of keeping work life separate. People just say things and it’s not even clear cut talking of things so I don’t respond much and that’s not seen as a good sign. End of the day I want to be in the manager level but I have no idea how I can when I am not good at the leadership skills.",3.6798319327731086,4.4198972352941235,5.132072829131655,84.22147058823529,71.74509803921569,8.573669467787116,29.27731092436975,8.841846274778883,2.199872268907563,386,15,81,7,7,130,70,102,0.11900000000000001,0.823,0.057999999999999996,-0.7843,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,3,7,4,2,0,6,0,9,1,0,2,1,17,15,9,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,1,3,8,2,11,13,1,9,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,3,58,15,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817986187117302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283016691235966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052784321722464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929952314944336,0.0,0.0,0.2878425469929077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017707696439807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655293250714264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21513170389081945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24598322413764806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19368004134245934,0.0,0.0,0.11975245641105313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539096189015105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018199322667825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765506767772926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30212964236301043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732832816576397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3502804535422293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28952691698574623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852340365316364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31726842487328494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thenowhereplace,2020/01/13,Why are so many b****es on my c**t? Seriously.,-0.33999999999999986,1.1436488888888905,1.898333333333337,89.46750000000002,115.66666666666669,6.2444444444444445,26.722222222222207,7.1686216300943375,2.002955555555556,36,2,8,1,2,12,9,9,0.175,0.825,0.0,-0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7469882014958511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6648372934981865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,butternut634,2020/01/13,"I’m hungry The eggs I boiled didn’t cook fully and I cracked 3 of them open already so I just ruined 3 eggs that I can’t afford to waste. This was supposed to be my lunch/snack and I’m so hungry. I can’t afford to buy more eggs for another 2 weeks. I hate this and I hate myself for being so fucking stupid. I’m negative 300 bucks because Im impulsive/bad with money and then I just ruined 6 eggs because idek if I can recook the other eggs. I really hate myself.",-0.5707311500380818,1.5816823762376266,2.2776237623762405,92.5710129474486,91.57425742574259,4.691850723533891,16.680121858339678,6.297961479604792,-0.21162817974105155,364,9,79,4,13,127,60,101,0.29,0.71,0.0,-0.9828,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,5,7,5,0,2,0,7,8,0,0,0,9,14,9,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,7,0,0,1,3,0,4,7,0,0,2,0,14,0,7,10,1,3,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,1,2,47,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729219178326471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25933482426732546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20650046803326474,0.3015259066294525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286418030742957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7325269202953442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26714622735272225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843844975720045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983838395671653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Steponmee19,2020/01/13,"Is it common to be misdiagnosed as with bipolar disorder? I've been diagnosed with BP1 since I was 18. After a lot of stuff happened, and 3 years of A LOT of therapy and DBT, I'm off all medications and I'm doing amazing. My therapist recently suggested I might have bpd instead of bipolar. I'd been talking about how I don't think I have bipolar because it's been 6 months since I've been off medication and there have been no episodes of depression or mania. A lot of the symptoms of bpd fit, but I really don't struggle with relationships. At least not outwardly. If I struggle at all, it's an internal struggle. My dad has bpd, and a lot of my friends have bpd, but I don't really see myself in them. DBT has helped me with so much. I would not be the same person without it. I was just wondering if it's common to be misdiagnosed with bipolar, when you actually have bpd. Thanks :)",3.3966934189406115,4.92905037078652,5.344975922953452,79.38730337078654,73.38202247191012,9.130658105939006,30.69181380417336,9.606745405546679,2.9857162118780094,698,32,139,18,14,241,96,178,0.034,0.823,0.14300000000000002,0.9635,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,1,0,7,7,0,3,7,0,24,8,0,1,2,31,31,14,0,3,9,1,0,0,1,2,8,0,0,1,6,10,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,7,1,16,3,24,19,9,14,0,1,1,0,9,7,0,9,7,105,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.10199757269799586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371512769172286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6582036968430941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002392009515524,0.10608677505912677,0.0,0.0,0.11979030217830006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075278727475453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242771469550802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005832889175055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35544060274983313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21058814068974935,0.0,0.11088043113145296,0.0,0.0,0.08342779100150521,0.0,0.07683507737430115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126384346086057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391786026484784,0.0,0.1032020338450534,0.11221660757367696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328983040217898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292196372170354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278046244665572,0.11965171926408333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863750343704758,0.0,0.08401014748435531,0.0,0.09622903928282958,0.11952905310446932,0.12135712022505588,0.0,0.06697293756740727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075466631592743,0.11334873710832452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424883167424479,0.0,0.0,0.06730819879111867 bpd,mistyterrain,2020/01/13,"Rejected by my crush I was seeing a boy for about a month, we met in person and had sex. We talked all this winter break and he admitted he had feelings for me so it seemed like it was mutual. I only started opening up to him personally this past couple weeks I guess? But the last time we saw each other this weekend he told me the next morning that we should stop seeing each other and that he was still in love with his ex girlfriend (that he told me he doesn't want to get back together with anymore but she lives on his floor). I ran out of his apartment really upset and I can't stop replaying it in my head. I hate rejection and sudden abandonment and I knew he didn't want to date right away but I was okay with waiting and he didn't even give me a chance. He said he didn't feel a spark and that he wasn't ready yet. I don't know how to fuckin deal with myself and not blame myself.",2.8215197568389065,3.8889501489361713,3.957781155015198,90.60500000000002,74.1063829787234,7.286322188449849,21.939209726443767,7.7094869923839395,0.6522252279635263,700,16,158,9,14,228,111,188,0.16899999999999998,0.764,0.067,-0.9643,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,4,0,0,0,7,9,2,1,6,1,14,4,1,1,1,41,37,14,0,3,4,1,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,3,12,21,0,4,6,1,0,1,8,6,0,0,17,6,26,3,20,19,3,29,0,3,3,3,34,11,1,2,17,100,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16582701831908594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709894773078972,0.12857388107748985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18501427067271206,0.0,0.0,0.17238578214566816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044038091079916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16909242187724768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736012820629976,0.16040270946278545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18420025430107034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508488805358415,0.17160531614447566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918940374813071,0.13629816227428962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816901771268867,0.0,0.14764916308589285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509132156681079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346512811492442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778293340890728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717045524595633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596205080784288,0.0,0.2920019915077075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071187679942406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427961068947643,0.1590546448433068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664888462669852,0.15222136345864995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835183383030028,0.0,0.13353382323164414,0.27958946879597424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439676350475205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975012775224112,0.0,0.0,0.31955192630375123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19724913920745046,0.0,0.13412547596222654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,johnnoe_5589,2020/01/13,"DAE get immensely triggered by calling in sick at work Anyone else feels really guilty and gets intense fears of letting their employer down and giving them reasons to be disappointed in you/dislike you when calling in sick at work? Just happened to me again and the intensity of my reaction this time is starting to really unsettle me. I realize how fucked up this is, and I'm fairly aware that I'm transferring intense childhood fears into situations like my work that have nothing to do with my childhood anymore. But here's the thing, I'm working a pretty basic job in the service industry at the moment, in a big team of coworkers, and if I miss work my position can be easily replaced by any of my colleagues 1:1, even on short notice. I carry very little individual responsibility for the well-being of the company and of my team. My employer has told me they view me as an exemplary coworker in their team, there has never been so much like a hint of negative feedback for my work and I do feel appreciated as a colleague and as a person with them. There has never been any sign that me missing out on work has been any problem for my employer, it only happens a couple times a year, and I've never been away for more than two weeks at once. Yet I'm getting these crazily intense reactions just when I'm dialing their number and say that I can't come in today, and I'm kind of getting nervous because it does not seem to ease, even though there has consistently been no indication for any real conflict in these situations (I've been working for them for 1.5 years now). I even kind of get some of the dynamics behind it, like about what I learned during childhood and how a lot is coming up now that my therapy is working fairly well, and so on. And yup, patience is always key (ugh. haha), and I'm also aware that I'm still having a looooong road ahead of me. I'm just frustrated sometimes as these feelings of guilt and fear towards my employer really, absolutely are not based in any real evidence. Like, not at all. And I'm afraid they're getting in my way of achieving better for myself, as I don't feel courageous or energetic enough at the moment to strive for a career that would entail more personal responsibility (and would also be better paid, more fun than what I'm doing atm, you get it). I fear these reactions would go through the roof at a job with more responsibility. I imagine a lot of you guys can relate to at least some of that? I'd be really interested to hear some of your stories, how you're coping with these feelings at work, and what has helped you doing better for yourselves in your careers. For the record, I'm 27yo, male, diagnosed w/BPD about half a year ago, been in therapy a while longer than that. And this has been my first post on this sub! I've been reading for a while now and I'm really genuinely glad I found this community, thanks for sharing what you're sharing on here guys :-)",8.824135460321749,6.955651365553608,9.05853251318102,69.09628058672436,61.70650263620386,12.128187102879545,38.229079356495866,10.891193690592663,4.053650750304177,2333,93,432,48,26,777,255,569,0.099,0.794,0.107,0.187,6,0,0,0,0,0,59.0,0,6,7,19,30,33,2,7,26,2,40,4,0,5,4,71,81,41,0,5,9,0,5,4,0,3,3,2,0,5,28,29,0,1,11,4,2,3,10,14,1,3,12,8,44,19,89,61,13,71,0,3,1,1,30,37,1,9,33,305,72,27,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579913667653065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463357397588027,0.054435134989700144,0.0,0.0,0.22244107317755107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487960259143323,0.045743566855757936,0.06703108040347593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614647564650378,0.0,0.0,0.03987975762054154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17357746973679455,0.0,0.0,0.08239488751258349,0.0,0.1336033838112334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127080152690961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238658981307787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640047708250127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05724996065223655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05465047158886513,0.0,0.0,0.06759691201616003,0.0,0.12962896088051648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944652089075453,0.1653929685859299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05564668299423745,0.0,0.07173025197124011,0.0,0.06048024058995302,0.2392567460037558,0.06275734889298716,0.03718000390001384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295532518563068,0.11570234551868495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373370994488741,0.0,0.04385001296742511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298395946673633,0.0,0.0,0.1362508629158281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689694064665748,0.0,0.1278446969942579,0.06556857367047521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123641747016362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04809162868303795,0.0,0.15136907433572327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277277827392333,0.07448172520770968,0.0,0.06967074637774905,0.0,0.04975527318384924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424539473099027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265479914386585,0.06655621437696993,0.0,0.06259862726935747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543824971325063,0.14892580742097156,0.20955038473215964,0.06726321704852066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052025043955249976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955640804033342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707086939980765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470259277761051,0.0,0.046304999165467424,0.0,0.05224493253031387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023044921489421,0.1496281915805788,0.0,0.04346250382126052,0.0,0.06427535427142804,0.0,0.07629449292320786,0.0,0.06201102816955908,0.06251213522401053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390636744964616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053978801830969564,0.0,0.05192778432665935,0.05247641588219118,0.0,0.11764185506341865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4762693663159242,0.0,0.0,0.13941863658048972,0.0,0.0,0.12638606015131998 bpd,questixn_mark,2020/01/13,"Where can I get accurate information on bpd? I’ve recently started questioning if I might have bpd, but I know a lot of online recourses can be bad. I was wondering if anyone had links to websites and information with accurate symptoms etc Would like to get some reliable information before bringing it up to my therapist.",7.096206896551722,8.719400172413796,8.375344827586208,60.8416379310345,64.51724137931035,13.386206896551723,40.36206896551725,12.602617957971056,6.31836551724138,262,15,40,11,4,90,45,58,0.102,0.8420000000000001,0.055999999999999994,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,0,16,14,4,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,7,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,7,9,3,6,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,7,3,30,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706099408190066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875500698797941,0.0,0.0,0.19113686172980826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5658073398954371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505130161360985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347115511917253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344643102843325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973901128727807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19096567568794712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382885499042638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25162815764122953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22178722377940555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15898867752973325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23346836673590698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608035692493165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435930842206163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956509413970674,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ShortPlane,2020/01/13,"Dealing with unhelpful teaches, doctors, vets, customer service people, etc Has anyone found any tricks on how to deal with the people that are supposed to be helpful when those people are either not being helpful or being harmful? Exploding on them tends to be stressful and often makes the situation worse. Not exploding and ""trying to be nice"" , you often leave without getting the help you need.",9.303970588235297,10.215123220588241,8.219411764705884,66.4123529411765,59.441176470588246,9.15294117647059,40.52941176470589,8.841846274778883,4.13769411764706,321,16,42,4,4,99,49,68,0.142,0.752,0.105,-0.2401,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,1,0,4,4,1,1,3,0,8,1,0,2,0,15,13,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,9,7,2,3,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,3,1,36,5,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750144133547576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413814068742586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4169141177991434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20695802168947708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255040016056853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22169945713060316,0.0,0.0,0.10564000791890353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4065867804540483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21409828086849794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496860520137854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992711067077372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4205354975752708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22727880503428466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316169029395296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727903725934634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19491146896758008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20605683795230584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RichAngles,2020/01/13,"DAE Have a hard time distinguishing accountability when heated? I'm new to the sub, recently diagnosed, and finally in treatment. It's been over 30 years without any idea of what's going on so that's been frustrating. Now that I'm in treatment I'm trying to calmly assess my black & white thinking, when I can add more nuance and hopefully fly off the handle less. The issue I'm running into, is it can become really hard to distinguish when I'm just being a total jerk when talking to folks, or if the position I'm defending/advocating for (which likely could be toned down admittedly) is actually legit. It usually ends up with me either gaslighting myself, or being gaslit by someone who might be trying to manipulate me - probably more often the former. DAE find themselves wrestling with this problem?",8.601283783783785,8.54273966891892,9.085810810810813,62.87236486486489,61.09459459459461,11.994594594594595,36.74324324324324,11.45678717892309,4.575429729729729,653,27,101,17,8,219,105,148,0.08199999999999999,0.882,0.036000000000000004,-0.6793,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,2,0,7,0,13,1,0,1,1,25,23,10,0,4,6,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,6,0,1,2,1,3,0,0,2,4,5,3,19,15,5,23,0,0,2,0,3,8,0,6,14,71,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.18624244843659188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067863159369479,0.0,0.1297848085515146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107792594732516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237850538352612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937091267088747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903679659680615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090672716391692,0.17443379731800848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846467379377052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34192892207828884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895574983292228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154468579498632,0.0,0.1991982208498211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932398594755154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024621021009108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843244942399254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057689978993926,0.1826180466513119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222636457191138,0.0,0.18844173403860254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170691463484307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533983127944863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228922259235316,0.0,0.0,0.11128639616917567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25914977175215603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21019473952221374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18397296376503716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290139275991915 bpd,ourMidnight,2020/01/13,"FDA recalled Lamotrigine by Taro Pharmaceuticals It's not an ""official"" bpd drug but it is a mood stabilizer and I have met people with bpd who take this medication and I want to make sure everyone is safe! [https://www.fda.gov/safety/recalls-market-withdrawals-safety-alerts/taro-pharmaceuticals-usa-inc-issues-voluntary-nationwide-recall-lamotrigine-tablets-usp-100-mg-100?utm\_campaign=FDA%20MedWatch%20-%20Lamotrigine%20Tablets%20USP%2C%20100%20mg%20by%20Taro%20Pharmaceuticals&utm\_medium=email&utm\_source=Eloqua#recall-photos](https://www.fda.gov/safety/recalls-market-withdrawals-safety-alerts/taro-pharmaceuticals-usa-inc-issues-voluntary-nationwide-recall-lamotrigine-tablets-usp-100-mg-100?utm_campaign=FDA%20MedWatch%20-%20Lamotrigine%20Tablets%20USP%2C%20100%20mg%20by%20Taro%20Pharmaceuticals&utm_medium=email&utm_source=Eloqua#recall-photos)",79.51808333333331,101.621015975,39.52000000000001,-176.40166666666664,-73.25,9.666666666666668,26.66666666666667,9.2995712137729,3.685666666666666,829,8,31,7,6,178,35,40,0.0,0.7879999999999999,0.212,0.8361,0,0,1,0,0,0,104.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,1,1,9,7,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7767943891860635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4514747196360958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20785307404699535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126456249972824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963924472265287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18055812781171565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425741337871896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689247349164548,0.0,0.13476071357247704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571611293527487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,applesNoranges98487,2020/01/13,"Breaking up and Coming Back (Extremes) This is in regards to my experience with an ex, and I’m hoping others that can relate can share their perspective on what’s going on. My ex and I have broken up 6 times in 2019, all have been there doing. Reasons are typically related to there “feelings.” something I said, didn’t say, did, or didn’t do is typically the trigger. In my opinion, I haven’t done anything that deserves the amount of anger, hate, or threats that have come my way. If anything, most of our breakups should have been simply due to incompatibility and mutual. Anyways, what I’m looking for insight on is, when breaking up happens, splitting seems to take over, as they’ll start to become angry and hurtful. My guess is to secure themselves and push me away. We had a “mutual” breakup one time that was initiate by them, but the environment was controlled with a couples counselor. Overall, the initial breakup was mutual. Nothing had really happened other than expectations not being met. So, no need for hate or anger. I thought this one might leave us on kosher terms. A few days later, I was shocked at the way they were communicating with me. Pure hate and anger towards me, not like I had witnessed before. They were getting ready to leave the country for two months. It all started with them reaching out about me mailing there belongings back, when I wished them a safe trip and to have a good time, all hell broke loose. The most recent time, over the holidays, I let them know I wasn’t going to tolerate something that happened and unless they resolve it with the counselor, I’m not going through this anymore in 2020. Essentially, I let them know if this isn’t fixed, its over between us. This one was confusing for me, because they did half of what I needed, by seeing the counselor, but completely doubled down on making things worse. Its like they needed to have the upper hand in the breakup. Unnecessary accusations were made against me, and as before, it seemed like an extreme attempt to kill communication. To make sure I wont reach to and that they won’t come back from this. But every time, after a unnecessarily extreme breakup, after weeks or a few months, they always reach back out and we pickup right where we left off. Often times the issue is just ignored. If I attempt to confront it, it turns into an issue. Criticism of any type is an absolute trigger for them. At this point, I have them blocked everywhere. I do expect them to reach out somehow, as it always seems to happen. There have been plenty of times where I thought this was it, but it never is. If this is something you can relate to, can you explain your perspective of what’s going on, where you might be mentally during these weeks or months of NC. Any insight would be appreciated.",5.4550167325829015,7.0703984470134875,5.538120373187303,79.68321950106483,68.38342967244701,7.775296623060541,31.19161342663016,8.20500826718156,2.3187926782273607,2210,91,394,30,38,695,243,519,0.165,0.7709999999999999,0.065,-0.9949,0,0,3,0,0,0,73.0,6,4,17,4,20,25,10,1,24,0,59,1,1,7,6,91,103,32,1,13,18,2,2,3,0,7,0,2,0,0,33,27,0,5,13,1,0,9,12,15,0,5,26,6,54,10,75,65,10,75,2,2,2,0,35,34,1,22,31,305,87,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779555577654925,0.0,0.0,0.10444350171864536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615784247896773,0.0,0.0,0.12638789518494306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214938214634731,0.2361957534125667,0.0,0.04681219023628303,0.08481163625676295,0.13069006732619287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19845064388805989,0.08051581060414696,0.0,0.0861296773262525,0.0,0.08496979457919722,0.0,0.04952501591389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858571663922495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470126279968402,0.0,0.0,0.07511811323368177,0.0,0.0,0.03882875709956735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04012107888278935,0.0,0.1745725169258999,0.064410173908287,0.0,0.0,0.0845959488016201,0.0,0.27163054804600795,0.0,0.0,0.227451033507412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627259739984125,0.0,0.0,0.0822083019530189,0.0,0.0,0.16030350511648225,0.0,0.0,0.08495987739914099,0.0,0.08440665100534164,0.0,0.0,0.16262501649921784,0.08343562349704774,0.1570517224088455,0.0,0.1125512785209205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448662793690668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726632229472285,0.1025196071575752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773891005793745,0.1629300928570831,0.0,0.0,0.18388588855622776,0.0,0.0,0.17082270871775704,0.05922735682194887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368478179278888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611040650219835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259403642361957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04919544681041595,0.07895580866714877,0.07582364528092381,0.0,0.0,0.06558064859235081,0.07304755708877468,0.06106873261009248,0.0,0.0,0.06119393504787817,0.2097278972581624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17735659351399244,0.0,0.0,0.10870870632916116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723763239352572,0.0,0.057738643568639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051017737278775316,0.0,0.0,0.12192984229382485,0.3134495757822287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352853642077132,0.07501542659380933,0.0,0.18474461414057008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190913202522345,0.12319713607938824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830795302571713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825844405624323,0.05455141595216538,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thebrightsidex,2020/01/13,"I can't stop obsessing over minor stuff, going crazy Everytime I visit my FP (long distance) I get hit with an overwhelming fear that for some odd reason this is gonna be the last time I'll see him. The uncertainty of not knowing when I'll see him again is also a complete nightmare. Well last weekend I went to visit my FP and he gave me his favorite hoodie to keep. I was really surprised he'd give away one of his favorite items just like that. He said ""you can wear it or cuddle with it whenever you feel sad/upset"". Upon recieving it I was obviously super excited, but when I got home I started thinking that maybe he gave it to me as a ""goodbye"" gift because he doesn't want to see me anymore/bc he knows we're not gonna see each other again? My mind is absolutely convinced that this is why he gave it to me and I'm even losing sleep over it. I feel like a child thinking this way.",3.0087111801242234,4.253076858695657,4.606366459627328,85.44608695652173,73.8913043478261,7.431055900621117,26.186335403726712,7.957251820313856,1.471181366459628,698,24,146,10,14,235,115,184,0.065,0.7859999999999999,0.149,0.9219,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,0,2,8,11,0,3,6,0,11,3,2,1,1,23,37,8,0,1,5,0,2,2,0,2,0,1,1,1,15,5,0,2,7,1,0,4,4,4,1,1,8,7,23,7,15,24,3,20,0,2,4,1,21,4,0,2,13,87,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248759011420576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671135774867108,0.0,0.0,0.09518972698648212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637239785367626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031379170118284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571610583516156,0.1579118075388613,0.11155609482478147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158376110963775,0.14979667039003766,0.08874563517346169,0.0,0.12489022245287827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663469700471128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879640963097967,0.0,0.0,0.17163576462641736,0.2545718954168479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525774293733996,0.0,0.0,0.13819093762947396,0.0,0.17469582903011213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15687718374049808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767052519746336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581365594223137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003593352980716,0.16055180996845353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485377415842536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4977365033367907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562662767061018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052625421172943,0.0,0.0,0.1305513218636531,0.0,0.0,0.1787584032683482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001137209790885,0.0,0.0,0.09105436423454408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210338275935508,0.12394738353478756,0.0,0.0,0.1404007538388602,0.14475586311824193,0.14090424969875204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MonkeyTwins1992,2020/01/13,"Phrases That Hurt (27F) BPD affected and in therapy past 6 months. Grew up in a toxic family, BPD mother and neglectful father. With awareness/understanding of disorder now, so far I feel like I've made a lot of progress in controlling harmful behavior, growing self-awareness, and confronting past issues/traumas. What makes me sad is re-evaluating my friendship circle. What hurts the most is friends I've lost along the way on road to healing when my episodes came and they did not want to talk / chose to leave. The below always got to me after my episodes (I've had about 2 blow ups in past 5 years): ""You're not above the rules."" ""You have to respect boundaries."" ""We have a right to leave the friendship. Friends come and go."" ""You should think about the way you mistreat your friends."" ""Thankfully, you have other friends to use."" I really didn't know I was ever being hurtful. I really prided myself in always being a good friend that tried to make time to listen and be present, to give and want best for my friends. I value loyalty above all us in a friendship, understanding that friends can grow and change, our time together may increase/decrease depending our stages in life - but we'd always respect and be there for each other no matter what because we are family that chose each other. I really dislike idea of cutting people off, I've rarely done it - and if I did I gave proper explanation as to why I needed to and what would need to change for us to spend time together again. I can't tell if my BPD is that bad or if my friends just didn't respect me all this time. I love and care for them, I am letting them go - I admit selfishly and selflessly. Understanding maybe they are happier without me and also I don't want to get hurt from them anymore, thinking they will leave me. But I really am sorry to have hurt them, I thought I was doing the right things - but trying to be more mindful on how to live truly more compassionately for others and for them.",5.8888351016799305,6.6148807161803695,5.9983189655172415,80.03586925287358,66.77188328912467,9.041954022988506,31.35820070733864,9.075114841892004,2.5742980548187453,1558,59,293,26,24,494,201,377,0.124,0.698,0.17800000000000002,0.9782,0,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,7,5,8,5,11,32,2,0,12,0,34,3,0,8,3,67,64,27,0,10,11,2,1,1,8,4,2,1,0,0,16,23,0,2,9,0,1,7,8,13,0,0,14,2,49,19,48,39,9,42,0,8,0,1,38,17,0,8,16,201,65,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05734436774287172,0.1789988593738638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711144549238498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059872669026955865,0.04371215470506794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525247376237604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27093881342961473,0.0,0.0,0.08201414232194904,0.07311045533288214,0.0,0.15171380489305106,0.061769560472531626,0.0,0.0,0.08042592668660555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218287258749271,0.0,0.0,0.07338154839591178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486343264343039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351986765359844,0.0,0.03625740707227717,0.05122776826502053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4432075656881181,0.0,0.03746414765484332,0.06878825517929332,0.08150591575187037,0.06014475016546305,0.05735094424407613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838211793630264,0.08094890639903103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03940850201901525,0.0,0.0,0.2277832924793889,0.0,0.07332565675715685,0.05064904477956258,0.035032604927098664,0.0,0.06331893233834605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827707849961217,0.060963052177488215,0.06471871219677876,0.06785125897348518,0.09573046904567444,0.0,0.0720397036786737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724040146773357,0.0,0.05723614844820631,0.0,0.0,0.10634023079486724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20535843088289324,0.049712870106805127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18375034117460184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247542541624742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480643857013405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802705437496031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576356776902257,0.0626754127880378,0.06601852345965792,0.08200364105574255,0.0,0.04763919853730415,0.09189439036091504,0.0,0.056927651778416376,0.16725260517060714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736921121299116,0.0,0.0,0.2239497417094465,0.1725103036939614,0.061932155030992274,0.0,0.0,0.12688461591896635,0.11383596478074648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470475918381448,0.0,0.0,0.06912335768309949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05093886702257625,0.0,0.0,0.046177203202232016 bpd,hiahmedhamdi,2020/01/13,"I tried I'm tired why can't I accept that there is someone better than me in work or looks but still hate the way I look and everything I do like for real I despise me every time I think of myself I want to throw up every time I think of other people I know and how they are loved by others I hate myself more and more and can't find any new way t deal myself or go further and to carry on like I'm just tired I really am, and tired of going on this loop for on and on to get the same place at the end and to feel the same way, why does it feel like I walked a million steps just to get nowhere not even someplace close no just nowhere like I didn't move at all",4.193640939597317,2.9730542281879235,5.2160318791946345,90.8393498322148,70.47651006711409,7.986912751677853,23.994127516778523,5.985473137389443,0.3641335570469799,516,8,129,2,8,171,87,149,0.16699999999999998,0.6990000000000001,0.133,-0.7574,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,2,7,10,3,0,5,0,7,4,0,1,1,29,24,12,0,1,7,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,7,0,0,6,5,3,0,1,1,4,19,7,20,23,5,25,0,0,2,1,3,11,0,2,9,82,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070952409630577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797228998484685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751885379267764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673016613149265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814362208635695,0.0,0.0,0.08810259411327827,0.0,0.2247730365379585,0.0,0.119882000507231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489161201204852,0.09529357997488873,0.0,0.0,0.1219157073745466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938115485603114,0.0,0.15161680401429622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263389292330822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733074534774112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606697463046564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240273922063674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120389351038872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177206925010225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288285380885648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247557572284164,0.0,0.13936377522809856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182660427590666,0.08545281409463326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302060259068265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652513266930802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17094138069412912,0.0,0.0,0.15556113458212698,0.4599352797987808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056280441317492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867666114273719,0.3176354440544649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24072679145966186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710924098465153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,frenchtoastwizard,2020/01/13,"DAE feel like no one ever chooses you? I feel like I'm never the person anyone wants to date or be close to. I feel like the friend no one ever asks to come around (unless of course they need something) Heck, I don't even think my family wants me around",2.790849056603776,3.9324295471698143,3.603915094339623,92.82398584905664,74.28301886792453,6.054716981132076,17.023584905660385,5.985473137389443,-0.5197886792452833,198,2,44,1,4,63,38,53,0.077,0.736,0.187,0.743,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,3,17,12,2,0,3,2,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,3,7,4,7,11,0,8,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,1,7,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805987879177706,0.0,0.0,0.3515402621842977,0.1845867535766825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700835330132821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304122077136434,0.35720512508000163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861359251065568,0.0,0.299506157025157,0.4231695878154247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254744418970992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893886165488809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464048150632531,0.15228367973949633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267591064033137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724035359858898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200472740756546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126516381670196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329192954743246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,muvvafunka,2020/01/13,"Struggling with trust issues and insecurity I've recently moved in with my boyfriend. I think the increase in commitment, coupled with me having gained weight over xmas (I'm not overweight, but teetering on an unhealthy BMI) has made my jealousy flare-up more frequently. Logically, I know he's 100% committed to me, is very attracted to me etc. But I still get jealous, and I don't deal with it well all of the time. Sometimes my thoughts spiral (fuelled by emotion) and then I'm convincing myself of X, Y, Z and all the future possibilities. In reality, the only likely thing to happen is that my jealous thoughts are going to push him away, and then I have made the reality that I feared happen all by myself. He's very aware of my insecurities and poor body image. The other night we went to dinner with another couple and I swear he was looking at her cleavage constantly, I was dressed more modestly and it made me wish I had my breasts out (I had a very high neck line on) !! I even called him out on it and he wouldn't admit it. It just made me feel repulsed by him and so angry because he knew how bad my body image has been recently. Well, I thought we had talked it all out and we had moved on. And I was trying so hard to deal with these invasive jealous thoughts. And we were having a good day having lunch and we started talking about our friends girlfriend (she came up in conversation - they had been having problems). I said something like I think that they will work out because our friend is really into here, because she's very smart and sweet and attractive. And then, my boyfriends says: ""Yeah, her figure is great. She has the perfect female body."" I almost blew up but I didn't. I told him it was unnecessary for him to say that and given the fact that I have such poor body image right now it was completely inconsiderate. I don't know if he was being clueless, but he's a really clever guy so I started thinking he's trying to fuck with me on purpose. But I feel like that's just my paranoia. Why the hell would he think it was a good idea to say that his flatmate's girlfriend's body is PERFECT. Just thinking about it makes me feel repulsed by him and I feel so angry. He's a nice guy and tries really hard to make sure I'm happy in lots of ways but, I dunno, I just didn't get why he said that considering all the fallout and how much we're trying to work through this issue of my insecurity. 2 days ago we had had the argument about him looking at that woman's breasts in front of me and then he says that. He hasn't been like this before and now as soon as I'm being insecure and jealous it's like he just keeps doing and saying things to trigger me.",3.6878855710052414,5.14343306915888,4.695659904262595,84.6383382721678,72.51401869158879,7.462502849327557,27.25438796444039,8.015777009494485,1.6243822657852744,2112,76,427,30,41,689,231,535,0.172,0.6659999999999999,0.162,-0.841,0,0,1,0,0,0,57.0,8,0,2,5,24,38,6,6,17,1,44,13,8,9,11,105,89,44,0,5,13,0,7,5,4,3,1,7,0,3,27,44,4,1,20,0,2,8,7,14,2,0,35,17,69,24,58,49,11,53,1,0,2,3,59,24,2,4,25,282,96,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05998940451942347,0.0,0.06776628534501984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096266537323556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358246657974788,0.0,0.056505421722135386,0.12376133097796545,0.0,0.057586056809312176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3758558395184831,0.0,0.0,0.06910328108882187,0.07740165545308382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095547715842307,0.07313214574199763,0.0,0.0,0.1497612027546203,0.0,0.08728897117425455,0.13953897706410245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612475898068202,0.0,0.0,0.07547501119422079,0.04469840141990501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761526823705563,0.1368731416498417,0.04834671139173002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045703775055234,0.06256403014031586,0.07071431747077077,0.0,0.03846100580829938,0.11352440195849252,0.0,0.07461142928359263,0.0,0.1340168867526029,0.11968876052286664,0.07204081590916336,0.12124620669659834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150187670389199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639632854789859,0.0,0.1412692936997131,0.0,0.060152248688671826,0.0,0.0,0.0743843246747371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531183155869025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365915392933372,0.0,0.0,0.05753448157132636,0.0,0.2561411786034443,0.09034657403778497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385467136924107,0.04974858031438268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350797992104701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05146954411472871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629288581084127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475540383139737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006214715827874,0.0,0.13364090581538185,0.0,0.0,0.05779369515519042,0.12874798700031226,0.2690875884683749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05209917416861419,0.06693185948349997,0.0,0.09580078832943198,0.0,0.05404498232185132,0.0,0.0,0.07074813242853152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637824616216963,0.0,0.0,0.10878847818396167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991992665778675,0.2168155923909228,0.0,0.21490413062708502,0.03946157379853935,0.0,0.0,0.06466593178434203,0.0,0.18378630623146866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22335436180469995,0.0,0.05371690707646805,0.0,0.08240936916163931,0.12169509403659785,0.06273498500849058,0.12213150890148455,0.0,0.0778223916123704,0.0,0.0,0.09853575547465183,0.0,0.0,0.04807405799568695,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HideousDuckling,2020/01/13,"DAE feel like a fraud? As if your BPD isn’t real? I’ve recently been diagnosed. And I visit my psychiatrist regularly. Most of the time I forget the things I wanted to say. Or the feelings that I had before the scheduled appointment so I feel like I’m just blabbering. In my head there are lots of things going on, but once it comes out of my mouth it feels so... shallow? It probably doesn’t even make sense but it kind of feels like I’m not even worthy of being diagnosed with BPD?",1.239749536178106,3.617598540816328,3.176382189239334,88.15757884972173,84.0,6.828942486085343,20.133580705009283,8.00094639256281,1.0139877551020415,379,11,79,8,11,127,67,98,0.083,0.847,0.071,-0.289,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,6,4,2,1,0,21,17,8,0,2,6,0,5,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,4,0,0,5,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,6,9,4,11,14,2,9,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,4,6,52,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378722771710628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4081324014922849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957113823409292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289061614141519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21403342166925415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4096263220737121,0.3472544342834088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208316642757547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16628552295877105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872524972723707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374733043707566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774879596917586,0.0,0.0,0.10815367979127838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255250836144415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17469153980245894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844211736365804,0.0,0.0,0.15998122660996886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884965783802482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21528588235197987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447872179153552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556719163252514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sailormoon516,2020/01/13,"Abandonment Issues and Managing Expectations with Your Partner Hello, I do not have BPD, (was diagnosed bp2) but frequent this sub as you know there are comorbid symptoms. I have fierce issues with abandonment and do possess a lot of the traits that come with that (i.e., FP cancels, changes plans last minute, says anything that amounts to abandonment and I flip--mostly sadness and anxiety, not anger). I've finally met a guy who is nice enough/understanding enough and he knows I have bp2, but I don't talk much about it or any related BPD talk. In our first emotional discussion (me crying basically), he did call out that I was seeing everything very black and white and I know this is a BPD trait and he also implied that my expectations were unreasonable. I understand that with abandonment issues, among other needs/wants, you need security a lot of security up front. And I know that's not how life is. But I get stuck in a place of second-guessing myself. I know I have some issues, so I assume I something is wrong with me and yes I am asking too much, but then I talk to my female friends and they don't think so. How do you find the balance within yourself to the point where you can feel confident that you are asking for is within the standard emotional range and not related to hyperbolic abandonment fear? Has anyone been successful in having conversations like this with their partner? Thank you in advance.",4.982484385843161,7.253968053435115,5.358362248438585,77.85719639139488,70.7557251908397,9.038445523941707,29.466342817487856,9.573946990214177,2.9776122137404584,1138,46,199,28,22,362,150,262,0.152,0.72,0.128,-0.8364,0,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,1,7,2,4,9,16,1,1,9,1,25,3,0,2,0,53,42,24,0,3,9,0,1,1,3,0,3,2,0,3,14,20,0,7,10,0,0,3,6,9,0,1,7,6,31,7,25,35,7,20,0,6,3,0,29,12,0,5,6,141,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257366481276303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021751783567465,0.0,0.07899044154828644,0.0,0.0,0.07219889015275884,0.0,0.08497076542175919,0.0,0.1930605598348682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901413799733764,0.0,0.10543576610718466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923099657215232,0.08894577066331946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134217011558878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480251280113813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23229786361479504,0.0,0.21338178724495865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279969873787126,0.0,0.0,0.11619153649935016,0.052209259538628025,0.0,0.0,0.11311173502523054,0.09437397497458326,0.08782937206307133,0.0,0.0,0.07977521248405559,0.0,0.05394691916071292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374795839008417,0.10223952396629532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4310891168685625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837335700589154,0.08416729797604165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293265949791748,0.05044559196709926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556886001564284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180985896891713,0.07656290337998148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788038489030613,0.0,0.09761015215806644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211319518571254,0.0,0.0,0.08228154274709497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949139686954818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732236264415844,0.0,0.24897941950580174,0.0,0.09506411252165163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616217848856346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21498595979224028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519688891469007,0.060902974765650535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289406105938588,0.0,0.0 bpd,bellai_xx,2020/01/13,"stuck hey, so i’m a 16 year old girl. i have only been diagnosed with anxiety a few years ago and therapy has never worked for me, i’ve always felt like i’m stuck doing the same bullshit over and over and no one around me understands what’s wrong. it’s been so exhausting every day feeling like i have anxiety, the next hour i have depression ? the next, anger management issues? but not long ago i came across a video on bpd, and i literally sobbed because i have never felt more understood in my life, the timing was perfect because i’ve started seeing a new psychologist who is very much aware of bpd. after only 2 sessions with her i told her my concerns about maybe having this illness and she told me she already knew i had symptoms but she wasn’t going to diagnose me yet. she wants to try dbt with me to see if she can help me improve before i go into adult hood. i guess my question is, should i have hope that this therapy is going to work and what is it like? because i’m very much exhausted from trying so many things to help myself so i just wanna know before going into this with open arms.",3.6423847376788534,5.0821059729729745,4.811049284578697,83.82894276629574,72.60360360360359,7.7460519342872285,25.67143614202437,8.313332769828598,1.6310479067302597,874,28,172,14,17,288,133,222,0.132,0.7490000000000001,0.11900000000000001,0.4792,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,8,11,1,0,8,0,19,8,1,0,3,37,44,13,0,5,5,0,3,3,0,1,7,0,0,2,10,15,0,0,8,1,0,5,5,6,0,1,14,5,29,5,23,29,5,31,0,2,2,0,16,9,1,4,20,114,39,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18750200895594912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671021613010593,0.0,0.08800186767164835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618141984724055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414997296885323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934133066941608,0.0,0.17999014036056005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664052909605052,0.0,0.0,0.12096274342305212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820728421121171,0.0,0.0910920462061468,0.21469097114039448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910845032893026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05347608722959565,0.07555588845216604,0.20309485265815488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240426319057313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650798725762593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177912994206998,0.0,0.0,0.1050448269905397,0.10415356906465628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038731166229444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058123640428989966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470232858428932,0.1550088758327607,0.0,0.0,0.0935954156967615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722535064423164,0.10625143354116373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554934379892521,0.0,0.16313925741518093,0.1021449152801292,0.22495666869403888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097868545281207,0.0,0.07166658888198284,0.16087245737593175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184768521430915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685561142300384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485838714033284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992647812212453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418945101893037,0.0,0.07026310324537229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06167026013230278,0.0,0.0,0.2021188944565476,0.0,0.14360995042814612,0.0,0.0,0.11010123530369358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745282849652865,0.06238075046247583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399096101635165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563337059872165,0.0,0.1362136096240283 bpd,Flipwidget2,2020/01/13,"Diagnosis? I’m in counseling and I have been diagnosed with GAD and PTSD, but I’m really struggling with my moods. I am sure I have BPD and I wanted to know if I should just tell my therapist because I cannot keep having my life ruled by my mood and anxious personality.",2.4818181818181806,4.494315363636368,4.790909090909089,80.30636363636366,77.18181818181819,8.763636363636364,25.54545454545455,9.3871,2.3456545454545448,215,8,44,6,5,75,39,55,0.126,0.818,0.055999999999999994,-0.5704,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,14,12,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,10,1,5,10,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153262509283959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17014901487175124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35154197962110045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833010137649997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24809475889978075,0.0,0.0,0.15339710067711346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19715077263026431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24371689457184306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32627644601969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881147557330246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29179691931902485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630673795749441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439632595216955,0.0,0.0,0.3240799352058489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16463225958286007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ma0zer,2020/01/13,"Venlaflaxine Anyone else on this? Told my therapist that I feel this stuff is causing “hyper-sexuality “. He Doesn’t seem to think it would. Has anyone else had this experience when on venlaflaxine? My experience is basically constant, intense sexual arousal, and copious risky/promiscuous sexual activity.",7.901250000000001,11.741411625,9.049833333333336,47.27850000000004,68.16666666666666,13.840000000000002,38.766666666666666,11.979248473330829,7.306786666666667,250,14,30,12,5,85,38,48,0.0,0.963,0.037000000000000005,0.168,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,1,1,0,6,10,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,3,7,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,2,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083527293042146,0.4518496919096358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265107690135096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382785151323045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683932677424741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4313760118956711,0.0,0.0,0.11148971708308793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20073184306659148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524158784226198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25601357249901313,0.0,0.1412853318831908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21069397115161176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663447365552002,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Duckystryke,2020/01/13,"Looking for advice for a teen with BPD Good morning! I'm looking for advice. My niece is in the process of being diagnosed with BPD. She's currently in full time treatment. She's young, 13. She's made some pretty strong accusations against her parents as far as abuse, some are things that happened but are exaggerated (I was there for some of the incidents). Others, are situations that she has twisted into something they are not. At this point it's looking like a long term care home or her living with relatives and not her parents and siblings. I love this kid, so I know to an extent I'm blind to some things but I feel like she needs a big change. The therapist is throwing things around like, she's a liar and a danger to herself and others because of that. I think she's struggling and does not have the support system she needs. Here comes the big problem. Am I being dumb? She's in a different state so I haven't been there full time for a lot of this stuff. I talk to her almost daily, she's flown and stayed with us for long visits and the kid the therapist and her parents are describing, I don't think it's all her. I think she needs therapy and medication, but I think the therapist and her parents are making her the villain in all this when she really just needs help. She's lied about mostly small stuff, silly things to lie about, she's had issues with self harm and suicidal thoughts. I know this probably sounds jumbled. We are considered letting her come to live with us, my spouse feels strongly that if we can do something to help her we should. I need advice, I have very little experience with BPD. I have OCD and anxiety myself so I'm a pretty strong advocate of taking care of mental health. I guess this comes down to this, am I being a big hearted aunt? or is the therapist right?",3.3348205361199486,5.383366436619717,4.0333121308496125,86.54231712857793,74.77464788732394,7.059518400726942,25.254429804634253,7.941651935203635,1.4315124943207636,1435,49,282,22,31,456,166,355,0.142,0.728,0.13,-0.7527,6,0,2,0,1,0,38.0,5,0,1,3,11,19,4,1,20,0,28,6,1,2,2,65,60,24,1,8,10,6,2,3,0,1,4,1,1,3,21,27,0,0,9,0,0,5,5,7,0,0,5,7,51,12,40,50,12,34,0,0,4,1,45,18,1,11,11,199,72,0,0.0,0.0885642878538243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21912896497227544,0.0,0.0,0.07484943516535326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057182099817061564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654166572405829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045565754277611566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824278848823286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242136038817472,0.0,0.07907358949611315,0.1931666352288824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586775856177698,0.0,0.07809586598309537,0.0,0.0,0.06541257507891839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311799495232338,0.0,0.0,0.07558978103667696,0.053400064963709616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06269516855480227,0.0,0.0,0.08234347071819678,0.0,0.0660995071160129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945374591433403,0.0,0.08857687065339953,0.100204165479411,0.0,0.07497844926142462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801760702830826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215921322400606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643500716412245,0.0,0.10955445312063856,0.07491724359586954,0.13200790176171687,0.13229945093364034,0.18830876068392416,0.0,0.0,0.0635481703950545,0.06746308794473553,0.07072846933930632,0.04989494408187997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530085726952694,0.07532851428156416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771238834436617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319957227693364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066112499762581,0.0,0.0,0.15209140129713095,0.08059110542371099,0.07152384664449732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04788555351984555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383447781533924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797858104383909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402000784747167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508949440708036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796715400720348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814295448420004,0.17113740602576696,0.08176230060492344,0.08482326981092825,0.0,0.0,0.05620127646008002,0.06007969968481016,0.0,0.0,0.08548097853849818,0.3471532692686933,0.19863729245829034,0.1915822836429936,0.0,0.059341650166607265,0.08717244849761092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982554649871438,0.0,0.0,0.06167501928755325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Hypocriticalgfaward,2020/01/13,"Selfishness I am in treatment for BPD and making a lot of progress. I see a trauma therapist and I've also taken a DBT course. One thing I am struggling to move beyond in my selfishness in my relationship with my SO, who I live with. He is so loving and consistent and copes with my illness really well. He loves me exactly as I am which is something almost everybody longs for. I don't take it for granted, but I can't seem to reciprocate - not because I don't truly love him, but I don't think it's in my personality to love without expectations. The most regular cause of dissatisfaction for me is that he goes to bed really early in order to get a good night sleep to prevent anxiety during his working day (he works a stressful job). I should be understanding and caring of this need of his, but instead I often feel neglected. I long for more quality time with him and see this as a barrier. One thing I admire about him is his ability to cope with my illness by enforcing boundaries which don't waiver. He has enforced a boundary on this issue when I try to push him to be more flexible. Last night after another argument about this he said, 'I wish you would just love and accept me for who I am.' It broke my heart because I wish I could do it, too.",6.855824615384612,5.968386804000003,7.958000000000002,72.25976923076925,64.96000000000001,11.532307692307693,34.83076923076923,10.891193690592663,3.709944615384616,991,39,192,24,13,340,138,250,0.18,0.6679999999999999,0.152,-0.8699,1,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,3,13,17,0,2,8,0,20,9,2,2,1,40,40,16,0,7,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,1,1,15,12,0,3,5,0,0,2,7,7,1,2,2,4,36,10,38,33,4,20,0,2,2,5,24,7,0,5,10,143,51,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573294934269165,0.0,0.0,0.09242630926500216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119180673766418,0.08841553776347041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409084549515308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455642785717821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783772009487488,0.1187286763902485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227825495821627,0.0,0.0,0.07453713913675575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05843883978694549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060383836003260964,0.0,0.0,0.09693990008548646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695844813815242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063160853650252,0.11469162407024895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421009386434318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205597259133094,0.2045627414441244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825882010871774,0.5215605249633,0.0,0.07714806428569515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283929471360235,0.0,0.08569834707071007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21692101863450772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663495677122868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091674960794933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808224878427184,0.0,0.0,0.12408567137787607,0.0,0.0,0.10993950886947716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841986627089616,0.10521630446299028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565974768901345,0.0,0.0,0.08897626679924563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239223811323744,0.12082542203330328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689897882569213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419296898388905,0.15356748955325425,0.07405661338268532,0.0,0.0,0.06739345823896294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846870741355352,0.0,0.0,0.1203189833734959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039169557670518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26581403600170833,0.11141140945699393,0.0,0.16828181652175805,0.0,0.0,0.08210207318263961,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,overthinkingfriends,2020/01/13,"Struggle with reaching out directly? I Struggle to reach out directly to friends, but at the same time i struggle to ""sadpost"" on accounts where my friends will see it. How do i overcome this? Is this something other people do? Its like if i ask for help its not going to be real help, like im only getting the help because i asked them for it, not because they want to help. The times when i have sadposted it gets ignored. I've tried being more direct and commenting on certain friends posts asking for help it gets ignored. I show other signs that im not good, generally withdrawing or only giving small responses in conversation, the past week I've talked about how i haven't been Able To getout of bed before 3 and, nothing.",5.049214285714289,6.403202635714287,5.4628571428571435,80.83214285714288,69.07142857142857,7.885714285714287,32.57142857142857,8.238735603445708,2.5277285714285718,579,26,105,8,10,185,89,140,0.10099999999999999,0.637,0.263,0.9813,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,0,5,12,0,3,4,0,9,0,0,2,1,21,19,8,0,2,6,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,11,5,0,2,0,1,1,1,4,5,0,0,1,1,11,7,18,15,2,15,0,0,1,0,17,8,0,2,7,67,22,0,0.1301154277166175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36492108187019984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863431409662582,0.0,0.11071864553275924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30158057006575456,0.0,0.2039398219970982,0.12481857451201918,0.07394759608256213,0.10913464748404382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4360681424147264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810939797068893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713565119644069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484926212658586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979172920084308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420989862304127,0.09020565451848307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124614612526249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809984263384302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368514978892827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001692131209006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4080746884127306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458185211381407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174270452422328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833983441859214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767454504417486,0.0,0.10437074767265897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,JasHare15,2020/01/13,"Not feeling good Hey there, so I skipped work Friday and spent the weekend home with my partner but now I'm back to work and all weekend I've been dreading it and have been feeling off for the last week and today everything seems to be coming to a head with all sorts of racing thoughts and emotions running through me. I honestly feel like it was a huge mistake coming to work",5.098399999999998,5.981308706666668,4.892,86.70600000000002,68.6,7.066666666666667,33.66666666666667,6.742157984588678,1.9976666666666683,303,14,59,2,5,93,54,75,0.146,0.732,0.122,0.0147,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,3,4,5,0,1,4,0,5,1,1,0,2,20,14,7,0,1,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,9,0,0,5,2,1,3,1,2,0,0,5,3,4,3,10,8,2,12,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,8,38,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724546530924638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863883969487216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522806831268161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015651029006004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402025517666818,0.16022305410432705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18811234387566111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301722170670271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249674441564057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828151417315204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957008561473383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204172746505972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805035315492368,0.0,0.0,0.21258773575571724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990094282046967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4898275154448186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Girlysprite,2020/01/13,"Maybe BPD, but I'm too functional I was thinking of posting this in r/askatherapist first, but decided to post it here because it touches upon BPD. Just be warned, it's a bit of a thoughtvomit, me throwing it all out. Trigger warnings for suicidal thoughts, selfharm and sexual abuse. So I'm in my thirties, and I have a 7y old son. My biggest issue at this moment are my emotional outbursts, consisting of intense sadness, fear and anger. I don't deal well with sensory overloads. For example, if something falls with a loud noise, I shriek and I'm really rattled. If I bump my head, I cry for an hour and have to fend off thoughts about self-harm. If this was just something I had to deal with myself, it would have been acceptable. But one of the sensory overload causes is my son. When he feels like he has been grieved, he gets angry very quickly, and keeps picking fights for a very long. He does this by making remarks, yelling, pushing and doing things he knows that aren't allowed. The latter happens when I grey-rock his remarks. I can handle one, two, maybe three things, but prolonger exposure to this behavior sends me off the rails. My chest gets heavy, my heart gets racing, and I get very angry. At some point it bursts out, and I yell at him. Sometimes I can't resist arguing with him. I know I should not, but it's hard to stop. One side of me quickly fills up with anger and even hate towards my child, the other side of me fills up with anxiety, intense fear and sadness. So one part of my brains talks about hitting my child, the other side of my brain talks about self-harm, leaving my family because I'm worthless, and suicide. After such an episode, my brain keeps going back to the incident, to the point I have several crying sessions over it. This can be over the span of 1-3 days. Outside this scope the symptoms are manageable. There have been incidents in the past where I reacted much too strongly to my husband (I threatened to leave him over something stupid I misinterpreted on the past) and I tend to overanalyse certain interactions to the point of anxiety at times, but I know it's my brain and keep it to myself. Sometimes I'm scared he's going to deem me too 'broken' and leave me...well, I certainly see myself as broken because my emotional reactions are so intense. But when I'm at work I'm perfectly functional. I'm so functional that I got three raises in 1.5 year and am deemed management material because I'm do well on technical, social and organisational aspects. Does this even fit? Also, outside the interactions lined out above, I don't engage in impulsive behaviour. No drinking, no impulse buying, and I've been with my husband since I was 17. So on one hand I look at BPD lists and go like 'yeah, sounds like me', but other parts are like 'no, I'm too stable and functional for that.' I've had several therapists in the past, focussed on my intense feelings of low selfworth. I've had cognitive therapy. I've also been sexually abused as a child, so therapy was also focussed on that. As a teen I had literal voices in my head screaming how worthless I was (I did selfharm back then, haven't done it in years now). Anything other then anxiety didn't come up, except autism (but I deem myself to be too socially developed for that, it came up in the context of dealing with sensory overload and anxiety issues). Important sidenote: My family has a BIG history with mental illness. Bipolar, Schizophenia, depression and more. I know I should seek out a therapist again. Actually, I already have an appointment with my doctor for that. It's just difficult that each time when I think that things improved, I land back on square one about half a year later. I have the feeling that all kinds of things are wrong with me, but I don't really fit in any 'disorder' picture. &#x200B; ps: I generally know the theory of how to handle kid tantrums. Give them advance warning before an activity will be stopped. Gently but sternly tell them what the rule is, and repeat only that. Don't get sucked into arguments. Take a timeout for yourself if it gets too much. Natural consequences. Keep a calm voice. Identify their emotions. Give them appropriate options to work through it. Pick your battles. Some kids benefit from empathic statements like 'I know it sucks that you can't do X anymore', but my kid bites my head off when I try that. pps: My kid has already been looked at by a kid-therapist. He has a high IQ, no autism or ADHD. However, teachers also see that he is a bit different from other kids. I sometimes wonder if he's like me. He also flips his switch immediately. Like, when I told him we had to stop swimming last day (with plenty of advance warning), he looked very angry right away, hit me, and ran away. Then tantrummed his way through getting dressed.",4.9280479518540075,6.546675875687572,5.47354736944283,79.62921447291791,69.67106710671067,8.691393256972757,32.399550249142564,9.168548406835145,2.9713467158480538,3797,173,688,76,68,1221,394,909,0.191,0.7170000000000001,0.092,-0.9988,3,0,4,0,5,1,143.0,1,2,4,7,48,42,11,3,37,1,60,15,10,9,5,113,119,67,3,8,23,4,6,7,0,4,4,7,0,8,47,45,1,7,17,2,1,15,14,24,2,11,25,19,92,18,109,84,12,114,0,7,6,0,53,58,2,10,45,459,139,6,0.0,0.11789165071227332,0.048548996878291534,0.0,0.05979004566142869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980111640001892,0.19892599563150887,0.0,0.0539042967442208,0.060451911324472474,0.033831826837061575,0.0,0.15223499904959206,0.0,0.04933880799924728,0.0,0.0,0.04094015725091624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934838592352728,0.1147644472505756,0.0,0.12130898622712732,0.0,0.04233373694243295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086286177139134,0.0,0.1879758216478216,0.2221506067049557,0.0,0.056900949681448064,0.0,0.05110713680717014,0.0,0.04285537290014494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109296468213275,0.06416949776406546,0.1538707460334213,0.04284975514674316,0.0,0.0,0.05197834690291603,0.05701801378865715,0.05092141496361716,0.08707343151815572,0.05091170467200093,0.0,0.04873623404801155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678867611390179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571904632134966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380007975177716,0.11196556255313732,0.07546555400045768,0.03554153688394681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0423174757301948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819469013696252,0.09544980745556277,0.08482251742751577,0.0,0.03978976186576985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04399391783083098,0.0,0.04456638728154439,0.04911800066006225,0.15317410571678694,0.0,0.0,0.05895420010316198,0.0,0.052563794206227976,0.0,0.0,0.04899390361678767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385252001765576,0.0,0.17688097526207094,0.0,0.05180715430294144,0.16404837948089696,0.04055303488700207,0.0,0.1580347644527591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701379668934716,0.0,0.0,0.04402734171090829,0.12533285807735214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03320862992608257,0.0,0.09996148074061152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05013647774718249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314420986533006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052204442607411035,0.0,0.2022720476941959,0.03783725196387341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774918864271008,0.1424765218717823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108999579332146,0.0,0.09529383601985192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374247551160918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04248637991888607,0.0,0.0,0.04980860685867946,0.0,0.07928890088711438,0.0,0.10380057088735467,0.11240707993448157,0.0,0.04115386109123547,0.0,0.0,0.10142808193941462,0.0,0.1149003520839503,0.14761259353935355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247801286488103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883723922961913,0.0,0.0,0.05170948362513573,0.037405942138615415,0.07997461665169442,0.043483848130930175,0.0,0.11378732792428592,0.1732913723861721,0.1322072297333628,0.06375581008221302,0.0,0.07899216787785067,0.05801945738544214,0.0,0.0,0.04753842678203594,0.0,0.033777104965651436,0.0,0.04859869462184053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419642742505222,0.0,0.03948937537200118,0.0,0.0,0.08946276900308411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395194550682148,0.07243744376352676,0.0,0.0,0.0353410988302914,0.0543940093928144,0.060451911324472474,0.09611244993061448 bpd,sweetsunshower28,2020/01/13,"DAE feel like they give a peice of themselves away each time they share intimate past experiences with others? I can't help but be an open book. One reason for this is that I like to show others that we can connect by relating to one another. I love connecting with other like-minded souls! Perhaps another reason is that I yearn for attention because I have yet to feel fulfilled in my life's role. Without a doubt, I always end up over-analyzing our conversations and then I feel more insecure after sharing information about my life with another person. And those peices of my past seem to wane a bit in memory, making me feel disconnected over time and again of sharing parts of my story. Sometimes, I feel like I would be better off escaping to another country where know one knows my name and so I can forget myself.",6.3450967741935465,7.2891896064516155,7.051129032258062,72.11669354838713,65.83870967741936,10.329032258064515,31.62903225806452,10.355215969177356,3.4220193548387097,659,25,113,16,10,218,101,155,0.051,0.737,0.212,0.9801,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,0,2,1,5,11,0,2,4,0,9,3,0,3,0,30,20,7,0,2,2,0,5,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,8,10,0,0,12,2,0,0,2,3,0,3,0,5,21,8,24,17,4,17,1,1,0,1,15,8,0,2,12,82,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066229210318054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5374647378604686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039194678310056,0.0,0.0,0.07811308355067169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332960383123065,0.13989592288890784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349419332245952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253457149852279,0.0,0.0,0.3239577054799293,0.1830867853391844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292376709359727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588968266091489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084501812312886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810184418188376,0.2504113388261653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565154376919196,0.0,0.08553458617361169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293850849049788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260493370737096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876336183712926,0.2446486624086196,0.0,0.1118870900472154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26349895820288144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665403590206895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673394566920002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943917555549424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235225911519047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102712969785802,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwupzebras,2020/01/13,"Confused and hopeless? So I follow a lot of BPD subreddits and I'm a little freaked out. On some of the other subs it is a constant rush of people saying to RUN from BPD's, never be in a relationship with one, it ruins your life, they make no sense, etc. This worries me DO MUCH. I have BPD, I am married with a new baby, it isn't going well, I try my hardest, but I feel like in the end I'll always be the one in the wrong with BPD and that I'm crazy and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Run if you're in a relationship with me.",2.3900847457627137,2.7229279661017003,4.5625,88.62307203389831,74.42372881355931,6.9169491525423705,24.07203389830509,6.6274283507984215,0.6041661016949154,412,11,97,3,8,144,77,118,0.16899999999999998,0.802,0.028999999999999998,-0.8992,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,1,0,4,7,0,1,10,0,10,1,0,1,1,17,16,7,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,9,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,5,1,2,0,2,10,2,16,14,4,16,0,2,0,0,5,7,0,4,5,70,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034875440884757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113286748255457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7286560111349257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630015371805472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810458264335614,0.0,0.16130739405823394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313231706347227,0.1033280009169798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219998277085946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216069765819408,0.07066185306579431,0.14496328834491828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296437117286285,0.0,0.0,0.09654566584045968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632411604364622,0.0,0.1115522144277556,0.13969036849340946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878216114424768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960182194509565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027240424387436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105699119053294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502036762220895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981983627849293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004515122363072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468848981561105,0.0,0.0,0.15813678150078908,0.0,0.0 bpd,notsgo-,2020/01/13,"Getting angry when I feel down Hey. I have just recently joined reddit but have had a BPD diagnosis for over a year now. Does anybody struggle when they are having a down day.. I beat myself up really badly then just a vicious circle. I get raged and have angry outbursts. Hope somebody here maybe has some tips on how to deal with that? Thank you :) x",1.3955718954248368,4.062041661764706,2.627254901960786,89.68375816993465,88.26470588235294,4.786928104575163,19.3202614379085,6.42735559955562,0.2672594771241834,275,8,52,3,9,88,56,68,0.256,0.611,0.133,-0.8831,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,1,7,6,2,1,4,0,7,0,0,1,0,9,12,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,7,2,8,11,1,12,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,7,38,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450271116361393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696030034165361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892576307959775,0.3025447069381363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568091060178168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838235666988606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066418129996243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29147231580193883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948203379335174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18799819722375005,0.0,0.28975666538165656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067884463876725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701788375346985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18897882636539726 bpd,MrsWinchester2020,2020/01/13,"I feel like an imposition in my life. My DFH is frustrating me and says he ""doesn't promise"" anything to get out of doing things he said he would. One example is sex... well, not getting into that here. The other is being asked to massage my broken foot to keep blood circulation going. I asked if he was going to keep to his promise, he said ""I never promised, but if I'm asked I'll do it."" When we were last at physical therapy he was told by the therapist he needed to do it and he agreed he would. Am I overreacting? Are my emotions over being in pain making me see or feel something I shouldn't? I'm not used to this BPD yet.",2.123475524475527,3.722483361538466,4.177552447552447,86.16108391608392,76.92307692307692,7.18881118881119,24.125874125874127,8.00094639256281,1.2720769230769229,487,16,104,8,11,167,84,130,0.102,0.853,0.045,-0.7489,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,3,0,17,5,2,2,1,22,37,7,0,6,6,0,2,1,0,3,2,3,0,0,6,5,0,2,2,0,0,2,5,2,1,1,6,6,13,5,15,26,0,12,0,0,1,1,18,6,0,3,5,68,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692859677814384,0.0,0.466669531929775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20956820242696067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18717155448377967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826824171739346,0.11887235173598568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17386864539856814,0.0,0.1891317973427252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29579837213305893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563382593133624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752944291814815,0.0812920077559859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106970275746544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337950438653847,0.1283337909637733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275330269844927,0.0,0.1770556102934877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31655878043070296,0.13232368259766433,0.0,0.0,0.1325949711430446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809870989457328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902867525436566,0.19319698187095008,0.11054519368577853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15899719271740298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371152923401234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496087490382731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364039318056699,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,boopdsg,2020/01/13,"Help - Obsessing Someone said something to me a few weeks ago, it really hurt my feelings. They never apologized for this particular thing, but apologized in general, for being selfish and inconsiderate, and promised to try to have more consideration for my feelings in the future. They really have been better, things should be great now. Things aren't great though. I cant stop fixating on what they said. I keep playing it over in my head, obsessing about it. I cant sleep, I cant concentrate at work. All of the good things, and the positive steps forward we are making are drowned out. All I can see is bad. We are supposed to have moved past this, but I cant. Its making me hate them more and more everyday. What they said triggered a painful childhood memory. I feel like that is what I'm upset about, but my brain is convincing me this person is the cause of all the pain. I want to make him understand how much he hurt me, but if I talk to him about it, I will sound crazy, I know I will. I know I'm being crazy, but I cant make it stop. Another part of me just wants to punish him for it, to make him hurt, so he can know how it feels. He doesn't deserve that though, this is my bull crap, not his, he doesn't deserve to have me take this out on him. How do I pull myself out of this? How do I detach this current situation from the pain of my childhood issue? How do I stop myself from blowing up?",2.8873637477036134,4.4528916126760585,4.058750765462339,87.95618187385182,74.77464788732394,7.615186772810778,24.319657072872015,8.321376580360154,1.3195213104715249,1094,34,236,19,23,357,135,284,0.21899999999999997,0.644,0.13699999999999998,-0.9853,1,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,2,0,5,2,13,22,3,3,8,0,32,7,4,12,4,50,56,18,1,4,8,0,4,1,0,3,3,4,0,1,24,9,0,4,9,1,0,4,10,14,0,0,4,9,44,8,34,46,9,28,0,3,1,0,25,12,1,1,15,173,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902691650101918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678119913768376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502663559119683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006336708205863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367975296158843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461095331653847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059601075895404,0.07274980145714137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541302464301398,0.0,0.2245433664695296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053940007319284,0.10451044755190476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682567816046649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270442832791419,0.0,0.0,0.1062876126710318,0.0,0.09051420506855856,0.0,0.0,0.1678949207454157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04975065553876865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33987292694669585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823278853445216,0.07485926625538952,0.0,0.07854019607177055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250737528352834,0.0,0.0,0.11027564883478323,0.09721150318964668,0.0,0.08891699716582592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047416753524774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906006496405102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114803555242289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446500848800473,0.10190694307354166,0.0,0.08628310953587133,0.07839632661128729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25541184711957915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656604363472863,0.08184982970797845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706143447230906,0.0,0.20010159733938834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913819422249169,0.0,0.0,0.10601216096612634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012795571229885,0.0,0.08168461115227399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413592818266182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,omgnotagain4567,2020/01/13,"Not sure about diagnosis. How do some of those symptomes feel like for you? Hello there, A few months ago, I got the borderline diagnosis during impatient treatment. Some of the interpretations the doctor did, do seem a bit far fetched from my perspective. How do the following things feel like for you? Can anyone relate? 1) inner emptiness: it does not feel like true emptiness for me, more like a deep pain. Psychiatrist said, my search for meaning in life and my engagement with existentialism (philosophy) would point to the inner emptiness thing. 2) being too emotional: I know I had this when I was younger and caught up in abusive relationships. Right now I only feel depressed and have no emotions nor motivation. They did interpret my behavior as aggressive when I was inpatient, but I never felt aggressive. Does anyone of you gets interpreted more emotional than you feel? It was not the first time somebody called me angry and aggressive, but I always think they overstate it. Would be happy to read how you experience these things.",5.700048748781282,8.643015767955802,5.7734026649333785,72.63376015599611,70.87845303867405,9.34169645758856,30.53656158596035,9.773937934552695,3.5408788430289238,838,36,133,23,17,264,115,181,0.16,0.752,0.08800000000000001,-0.8752,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,5,2,2,9,13,3,0,9,0,15,4,0,4,3,34,30,13,0,2,5,0,6,4,0,2,4,1,0,0,9,5,0,0,14,1,0,2,6,5,0,1,10,7,21,8,17,16,6,19,0,1,0,0,11,9,0,3,12,97,30,3,0.0,0.15057818672907072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126556107588343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057471779174034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772540120595812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874689329923526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977078867285693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946048159981407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007968392288846,0.22243067004433464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4288697955350304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243161929485416,0.0,0.0,0.3212968917713377,0.2723745139820292,0.12202415747745493,0.0,0.0,0.10810076411527954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639809719635095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164367291373244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528725915563636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984409658877934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976582702905729,0.2483545952702485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843580257045626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144021913487912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801789743579584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665595073286874,0.1352303124519891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201389897916879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712212868287964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644466821183304,0.0,0.10853223294806648,0.12088954062541532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156959026252854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977868804094545,0.1320928197022676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532943360125199,0.08143269025092371,0.0,0.0,0.0741058814201076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805589639885888,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sailorkatbat,2020/01/13,"I was gifted a weighted blanket--revolutionary. I am always the first person to be cold, and since my mom keeps the place at a solid 70something (we live in the all year round heat) and I slept with tons of blankets. But my meds had me in a pool of sweat every morning with dreams at the same exact location but a different, equally stressful plot. I used to have a body pillow in college but that didn't work. The weight that the blanket provides is sooo perfect. I'm short and ""thin"" (one of my triggers so i dont mention) and it isn't overwhelmingly heavy or anything! Its a really good investment. I feel so protected and easier to imagine my bf/fp next to me. I don't like cuddling with someone but knowing they're there is what I needed. TLDR: Got a weighted blanket & no more night-sweats or weird dreams and quicker falling asleep.",3.496898954703834,5.479678585365857,4.448083623693378,84.03646341463417,74.12195121951221,6.880836236933797,28.787456445993037,7.7094869923839395,1.8675310104529623,664,28,125,9,14,215,111,164,0.085,0.754,0.161,0.9304,1,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,0,3,4,6,0,2,13,0,11,8,4,2,3,27,19,14,0,1,6,1,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,10,3,2,3,3,1,1,5,3,0,2,5,7,15,3,15,13,5,12,0,1,1,1,4,8,0,2,4,83,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674401856774568,0.17806228691671325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523779118052534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825446569097054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717002888211463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192605218825366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846351115850186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309522580064631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978749302334334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784056829435942,0.13143768533535335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607291472826642,0.0,0.0,0.09031694867775418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028820734475285,0.0,0.14511520279489912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825446569097054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924729845715762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185600409838356,0.0,0.0,0.17477742060891693,0.15422192748911492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136101562446868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143495321370379,0.1717002888211463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528039181353938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594371996224544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924472177794178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882508783606946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193696742743167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6003654235768604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964145415102967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582955144262622 bpd,AnAnonymess,2020/01/13,"Nearly sent fp a slew of needy dramatic texts I’m an anxious mess. I’m showing my crazy again. I can’t do that, they’ll all hate me Messaged and messaged and messaged and got more needy and angry. Went back and deleted them. Maybe fp won’t see maybe. Not even this post will stay up So I’m sitting here having a meltdown. Feels like I’m dying, feels like I mean nothing. No one to call, no one to calm me down. I’m a lost cause and I can’t be fixed ever. This is just gonna happen again again again again",-0.5120052424639567,1.6527682385321114,1.0867955439056374,101.13800458715599,91.38532110091741,3.4812581913499345,16.96002621231979,4.65589566412798,-0.995797378768021,394,10,93,1,14,126,72,109,0.20800000000000002,0.71,0.08199999999999999,-0.9228,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,1,11,6,1,0,4,0,9,0,0,1,2,14,25,7,1,0,2,0,2,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,1,0,2,6,3,0,2,4,3,8,3,6,16,2,15,0,1,1,0,7,3,0,0,9,53,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22401270981625926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247375778673578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20247757149930565,0.0,0.0,0.20369977075816773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057950468802866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096952310803486,0.17936581898145196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005240625920394,0.28331866615690404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15859165425683325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753483277826017,0.0,0.0,0.19577159081137374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19375021079582447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164583605949568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39842049434968224,0.21599733961458265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902658351696584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268734612033756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899082375241468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801248067673335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21135212550036525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838180070818556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bird98,2020/01/13,"DAE struggle with determining who was the problem in a relationship? A few days ago I blocked my ex girlfriend on everything I could think of. I had a lot of grievances with her treatment of me and overall I felt she was not a positive influence in my life. My current boyfriend insists she was all sorts of bad news, but honestly I can't help but think it's because he doesn't have the full picture. I can't even decide for myself which of us was toxic. I feel like since I struggle with splitting on people, I can't trust myself. I was just wondering if anyone else experiences this.",5.9109813664596285,6.2755391043478275,6.413664596273294,78.3408695652174,66.65217391304347,9.354037267080745,35.55900621118012,9.23628265651192,3.1684658385093165,467,22,89,8,7,152,78,115,0.18100000000000002,0.755,0.064,-0.8463,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,2,6,0,12,1,0,1,1,23,17,4,0,3,5,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,6,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,7,2,20,3,13,9,4,8,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,4,4,66,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855917398794408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639469001324834,0.2145218423360613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481319599758946,0.1276285422400938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716298769762225,0.0,0.0,0.13502477781114625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489975962210486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828532147979325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18816609370738896,0.20480168177241734,0.0,0.0,0.10586254649908386,0.14957225124205295,0.20102572380566328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033468521782055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788252362950538,0.1022864310370028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17799684166604396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514912808832706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033651208812409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247824427042248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319103759688814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377529363999908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683086011416852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25184343725915104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22705022505621394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,__ratbeans,2020/01/13,"What was your family like? I'm curious was your family overly emotionally involved and you were expected to shoulder the burden and guilt for everyone else's emotions and needs over your own? Or did you feel you were you emotionally ignored and no one talked about emotions and yours were always downplayed. Leading to acting out dramatically to get needs met or make your emotions seem serious enough (maybe all subconsciously)? Everyone's different of course I think I've just noticed these two types are pretty prominent but I'm not sure and I'm curious about how family emotional dynamics help to develop BPD Also feel free to input of course even if your family wasn't like ether of these.",6.992044444444447,8.881032400000006,7.19626666666667,68.20657777777778,65.0,11.635555555555555,33.08888888888889,11.429527900616536,4.524262222222221,570,24,90,19,9,184,81,125,0.075,0.733,0.192,0.9524,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,10,0,1,6,9,0,1,1,0,8,1,1,3,2,26,20,12,0,4,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,4,0,1,2,3,4,0,2,8,2,11,6,14,12,3,5,0,0,0,0,14,3,0,4,2,58,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880405523498322,0.09160538380989693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865705111214732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502273388242548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196775990795487,0.7430322586035237,0.0,0.11375449093266375,0.0,0.07271474398893704,0.0,0.0,0.21039529491587305,0.0,0.0,0.4151398516613336,0.0,0.11133167113217657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057518539006964374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379236349299005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757080457718067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348728134279035,0.0,0.1106022361503336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326368263694974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534049976667658,0.0,0.0,0.07460120511732271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200316788209903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022364448817593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037604303616213,0.0,0.0,0.08848779921433761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054252408451872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075439111013287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hippywithashavenbush,2020/01/13,"BPD women who leave their kids are the best kind of woman. Let’s face it children are shit and women with BPD are victims usually of their first abuser. They should be allowed to throw their kids in the dumpster and wait for the right man to mirror. The real bad people in life are stable people who don’t care about people. BPD women care deeply about everyone and are destroyed by stable people who don’t care about anyone bit by bit. If you can find a BPD woman to cradle you are one lucky guy.",4.481428571428573,5.6265701010101035,4.7055122655122625,86.51636363636366,70.21212121212122,6.465223665223665,21.21356421356421,6.1826913282559595,0.2873624819624818,396,7,76,2,7,124,61,99,0.157,0.669,0.174,0.4588,1,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,2,4,2,3,10,3,0,5,0,12,3,2,1,0,11,16,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,10,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,2,0,0,6,6,14,13,3,6,0,0,0,0,19,3,1,2,2,48,10,0,0.0,0.14946798169751174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820752059669533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533058668409387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323874037960765,0.0,0.2754478395406653,0.0,0.6355296918796149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858572172297853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120542424527204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529947792479288,0.10730374288104136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490905188393285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313665682746449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357540384515382,0.0,0.12899766405520655,0.08910398831925119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548299657641156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3498281175166889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435871438150794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773203051687323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949190715041287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138937201976208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,arksetro,2020/01/13,i don’t wanna do this this is all so much. im drained,-5.303095238095239,-4.921371785714285,-1.1271428571428572,111.4554761904762,124.0,1.866666666666667,11.809523809523812,3.1291,-2.204733333333333,41,1,13,0,3,15,11,14,0.217,0.7829999999999999,0.0,-0.4144,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8267134931299905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5626231423224688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,letsgogetnachos,2020/01/13,"DAE doesn't have any passions? I never ever had a passion or a true calling for a hobby. Sure there are some things that I like to do more than others. I sometimes had phases where I liked to do stuff more than other stuff (drawing, reading, photography) but it never lasted and it was never intense. It was only a phase where I thought ""wow I kinda like this more than most things"". Also, I go through phases where I don't really like anything and nothing interests me. When that happens, I'm always bored and I feel like I'm broken. I feel empty because everyone I know has a passion, or at least strong interests. DAE relate? And DAE had that issue but has now found their passion?",2.3370676691729315,4.8251965037594005,3.641315789473687,85.87671052631579,80.203007518797,5.303759398496241,23.785714285714285,6.5431188927421005,0.9088135338345862,537,19,97,5,14,175,79,133,0.168,0.645,0.18600000000000005,0.6801,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,8,16,0,0,5,0,13,4,0,0,6,22,22,10,0,0,4,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,0,5,1,0,1,5,1,0,0,7,2,13,15,8,15,6,12,0,0,0,4,2,4,0,5,12,77,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469773629825946,0.14015175396556742,0.0,0.0,0.11454185450524093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860799057173884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102676662403761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17199138553089133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523594712000423,0.0,0.16094725212742725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033200814346147,0.12033029035825105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18468073291383566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572572493885684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894687654804264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580280685336638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256769621505836,0.13729733969566474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41144516593768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38972331506682345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161831835351675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810271908156146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848099073299244,0.0,0.10790403650116276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16658692709438105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856364926191258,0.0,0.0,0.15874838030897725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22380200374031967,0.0,0.0,0.13371890089905916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,melilavida,2020/01/13,"Help with medication Hi, I have trouble taking my madecations. I skip them many days and It just messes with my head. I just hate taking them, but I do know I have to. I hope many of you will undersand me, psychiatric medication is a complicated subject. But I was thinking about how when I was a kid, my doctor gave me a calendar and stickers that I liked so that every day I didn't wet the bed, I would feel proud to put a happy sticker and eventually stop peeing the bed. So, I was wondering, does anybody have any method like this to make yourselves take your pills? Maybe something to reward yourself or to make you feel proud of taking them. I would really apreciate it! It is sad how sometimes it feels like we have to take care of ourselves like a little kid. Btw, my english is really bad, I'm sorry if this didnt make sense.",4.1137272727272745,5.3529850545454565,5.219772727272732,82.12965909090909,71.18181818181819,8.40909090909091,27.083333333333336,8.841846274778883,1.9842424242424244,654,22,130,12,12,216,98,165,0.09699999999999999,0.6779999999999999,0.225,0.9798,0,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,1,3,3,3,8,15,1,0,7,0,16,6,2,5,0,27,35,12,0,4,6,0,4,4,0,3,4,0,2,2,8,6,0,1,6,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,6,4,26,10,12,26,0,6,0,1,0,0,12,1,0,4,8,83,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085450339559338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111552779459374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362169856876026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17232554069803144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674815406811766,0.1169167337258006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256614349389728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026608100474784,0.09544588588310514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422226930489417,0.0,0.13190513120224925,0.13711504431400967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895511583165614,0.0,0.0,0.13269775228567438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342461937970861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26108636977987826,0.1339051307856577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675427722168186,0.2709045923758672,0.13422199657021586,0.0,0.0,0.2691815837576829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430774189129113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117878338951736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028539830146993,0.13213661153587652,0.14955742594257918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169794521812823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5022634919207596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856072965184627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448865661276871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898152292599988,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,oneighty2,2020/01/13,"In your experience, is it better to tell or not to tell your significant other about BPD? I'm fairly open about my feelings with my SO, however our relationship is fairly new. I don't want to hide anything from them but am worried they will now see the things they like about me as just a symptom of BPD, or won't take my feelings seriously anymore, or just view me from a textbook perspective. On the other hand I think it would allow them to understand me better. Help?",6.917173913043477,6.494064195652179,7.490347826086958,74.13291304347828,64.65217391304348,10.403478260869566,33.61739130434783,9.888512548439397,3.1238713043478263,374,14,71,7,5,124,63,92,0.057999999999999996,0.7240000000000001,0.218,0.946,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,2,4,2,7,4,0,0,4,0,7,2,1,1,0,16,15,6,0,2,7,0,3,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,15,3,14,12,0,5,0,0,2,0,11,3,0,3,3,54,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817418447509846,0.0,0.0,0.16444017609031808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534605858070033,0.0,0.0,0.5033489412858932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19546865227312787,0.0,0.0,0.20207655631824165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393948501449965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762513006533297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19299367057845904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21453886877199435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923584201173369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20769623674726945,0.15024465280871646,0.0,0.3493143223613181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275584168207347,0.12804074704018573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20802642479273856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786284194543895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20293350181138906,0.0,0.14195100617861914,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RatedItMate,2020/01/13,"I don’t know if I have BPD I think my ex-girlfriend has BPD and in order to get closure and some general understanding I was researching BPD behaviours and came across FP. I’m not sure wether I do have it or not but for the sake of this post I’ll write like I do. The only ever FPs I’ve had have been crushes and girlfriends * At first I am shy and quite embarrassed around my FP but I gradually become myself, I thought this was just because I’m shy and fairly introverted. * I get a rush of adrenaline and I feel good when talking to my FP but this quickly transcends into boredom and worrying when my FP doesn’t reply * When I’m not with or talking to my FP I constantly wonder what they’re doing or why they don’t want to talk. I worry if they’re talking to someone else or actively don’t want to spend time with me. This happens with my friends too but only if I see them hanging out without me * Sometimes I will enjoy my alone time but I will still constantly think of my FP * I get jealous when my FP talks to another person and I wonder why they would prefer this person to me, and what I can do to better myself Until now I assumed all of these things were normal. Everyone gets jealous right? When my 2 previous FPs broke up with me I completely broke down into a depression. The first time this depression lasted 5-6 months but it was compounded by other issues, the most recent time it only lasted 1 month. During these times I would still idolise my FP and solely blame myself for not being good enough for them. I would lose my enjoyment for things I loved and I would struggle to eat or look after myself. I would feel empty and isolated My relationship with FP1 lasted 2 months and FP2 was 3 months. I can’t imagine what it would be like for a much longer relationship I don’t have any other symptoms of BPD, just FP. I’ve never thought of suicide and I’ve never self harmed. I don’t push people away or fear abandonment or attachment. I don’t have unhealthy tendencies. I don’t ‘switch up’ on people or my self image Thanks if anyone could help",2.9210869565217408,4.8475397318840585,4.229299516908213,85.22336956521742,75.59420289855072,7.112077294685991,24.54347826086957,7.984000788550335,1.4193217391304342,1635,54,321,26,36,538,194,414,0.175,0.691,0.133,-0.9593,0,1,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,4,5,15,23,2,3,7,0,39,3,0,0,5,83,64,39,1,15,25,0,2,2,2,8,1,0,0,4,19,25,1,1,13,0,1,4,16,12,0,2,10,4,57,11,42,43,5,50,0,6,2,1,20,13,0,17,33,223,76,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629816289821922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05009698417587007,0.07724765736746236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05151060261005862,0.0,0.0,0.06558042389028122,0.0,0.0,0.06921381217993201,0.0,0.0,0.04490752444938816,0.08136087223368536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065153642943682,0.0,0.0,0.3711306834593229,0.0,0.0,0.08425693325731932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723983250981366,0.1592185667523095,0.0,0.058818159522200514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269008331039769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753810832503484,0.0615404289163337,0.0,0.0,0.07611906792295157,0.0,0.0,0.06663721353842067,0.0,0.07039323728260892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289734164343586,0.07449783272207036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532447167150745,0.0,0.0,0.05691596172330015,0.0,0.1539546277813943,0.0,0.0,0.12357898423363373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514465257877543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049378322410523486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689058703518424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04048618238733285,0.1801485409110796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198124059105424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061862835430645226,0.08241600708120513,0.0,0.0,0.06648853550961646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352054025402352,0.0,0.05415469199797752,0.0,0.1136351006491806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217931288436498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680842322250319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214467554086404,0.12864867198865082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055388729281982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835532692949836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273857914162804,0.158184413366465,0.0,0.0629123432422753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058704113617544365,0.0,0.15370424961780554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241892894864516,0.0,0.07285985272896184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766323192261395,0.0,0.0,0.07701412375764984,0.0,0.08058118584153254,0.0,0.06943152030003102,0.07656959215909225,0.0,0.2960590278029448,0.0,0.06782389192160704,0.0,0.0,0.09788391752810152,0.09440737043822643,0.0,0.11696883538843685,0.21478295072045772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766913197569213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690296829456116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294840186416318,0.0,0.0,0.07101363216070658,0.15978030233660245,0.0,0.1496275109502556,0.0,0.3139911676751904,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,xYurikax,2020/01/13,Paranoia? Or freaks out easily ? What does yours look like and which are not related to like an FP,0.824561403508774,3.3563900526315784,1.7852631578947395,93.54350877192984,95.84210526315788,6.743859649122808,16.859649122807017,7.793537801064563,0.8323543859649121,77,2,16,2,3,24,18,19,0.135,0.556,0.308,0.6553,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5618772979276558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6273631639492427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5391747050753697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,exzakt,2020/01/13,"BPD and ASPD traits Recently I got warded and found out I officially have BPD traits along with my ASPD traits. I suspected this may be the case for some time. I really struggle as I cannot care for anyone but rarely get obsessed and you guys know what that is like, it can feel amazing so I am always chasing it when I lose it. Anyone else here ASPD and BPD traits? I have looked online but cannot find too much info on peoples experience. It is so contradictory I hate that I am fighting against my ASPD to try care for someone as I love caring.. I cannot work and seriously spend all y time trying to care about someone online (strangely only ever had obsession happen with online friends) telll your experience please",3.8793645083932873,6.0103241726618695,5.056996402877697,79.43762889688252,73.46043165467627,7.223261390887291,25.252398081534768,8.07648339933343,1.6643952038369307,576,19,103,9,12,190,88,139,0.198,0.672,0.13,-0.8668,0,0,0,0,2,0,10.0,0,2,0,2,7,15,2,3,1,0,13,1,0,0,2,21,26,12,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,9,0,0,6,0,1,0,3,7,0,0,3,2,16,8,14,21,3,7,0,1,1,1,6,2,0,2,6,68,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593948691494487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780486078807525,0.13045321310661406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4810609237480157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5192402333630363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635856640898607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516719376576842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490845421231865,0.0,0.0,0.06437623874598031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163671271735986,0.0,0.0,0.1395985532423266,0.09836623178088127,0.0,0.06651884700511147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182851938651248,0.0,0.0,0.126065683794269,0.11258764326959443,0.0,0.0,0.1257010107100602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997111320013201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622015615784316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691577238344736,0.14243723218482954,0.0,0.0,0.11491023777312125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359400814472292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683172666711044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826686332985463,0.0,0.0,0.13975786999065395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156371889425741,0.0,0.1257120097529381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157537058699385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331013114524107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848129679939015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728822906464287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926896430225843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,littlelunacy,2020/01/13,"Overwhelming idealization phase....devaluation is surely around the corner.... help!!! So, thanks to poor working memory, I often forget exactly why some people have been kicked to the curb and should not be flirted with. I'm going through a bit of disappointment right now with someone specifically that... is unavailable and so now i've kicked my idealization of others in to overdrive almost like an unconscious overcompensation. My friends have suddenly become MUCH more interesting and sexy, my ex is looking delicious and that one guy that had questionable behaviour is now totally fine and should be fuckable, right? I'm just..... sick of this rollercoaster ride. It's like.... i'm hungry. I'm starving. And ANYTHING looks good when you are starving. Especially when there was a plate of food just under your nose and its disappeared, or maybe you pushed it away, but either way your stomach is STILL GROWLING. This disorder makes reality so.... just out of reach. I can know stuff cognitively about what is and isnt a good plan but its like.... I become an observer to increasingly thirsty and erratic and confusing behaviour. Im sad. I know that my behaviours do not reflect how I really feel toward anyone. Truthfully, none of these people are worth flirting with or risking a friendship for. I guess I should also mention that I am hypersexual (childhood molestation) and so sex is where i feel ""Safe"", it's what im familiar with and also the quickest way into someone's world and under their skin that I so desperately wanna climb into. Does anyone else relate to this feeling of desperation when like everyone becomes an option? No one and nothing is off limits and you just wanna emotionally, mentally, SEXUALLY devour the next thing that comes past? :(",5.872090722644472,8.583083618892509,6.3714802750633375,69.63413922065389,69.48859934853421,9.75987453251297,31.891543008806853,10.082433333333334,3.8975265773917247,1409,63,217,40,27,456,184,307,0.128,0.7290000000000001,0.14300000000000002,-0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,63.0,0,5,1,6,25,23,1,3,11,0,24,6,3,2,4,65,40,30,0,7,11,1,4,4,1,3,1,0,0,1,21,24,1,3,7,0,2,7,5,6,0,2,3,7,20,17,31,32,8,35,0,3,2,1,12,15,0,9,15,159,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592202955964205,0.0,0.0,0.1851546239088875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618913049721746,0.1186150296765448,0.09526481687951187,0.10305548631023792,0.0,0.0,0.10876512609192553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3835603869545966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638551081968374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972138667210748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326768387605141,0.0,0.1013068227585054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967068898536545,0.13022016059830802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061851800848622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560294501320264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998362344048448,0.0,0.08943983228932484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579197648954357,0.19419655382571724,0.0,0.0,0.1275283136813405,0.11462565366044625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759490908009127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500923557214725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724294743053344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22622792944236095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944270625789644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727410594293532,0.0,0.11630160699426832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666399672810658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851006716450913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311750157732215,0.0,0.0,0.11107973962261357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689086117681528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051089099436996,0.16051389404674474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296834107233538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416209004576206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977255328082781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19617479412846872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245016170455324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252334767959895,0.0,0.0,0.1091072406264096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658095435808958,0.0,0.0,0.07690919122211294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18377790248550185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446000037452276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427837456825935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,emoenby,2020/01/13,"ex won't stop lying about me, is it because of her bpd? my ex with bpd split on me months ago, and i though that would be the end of it. but she has developed this false persona of me, making up things I did so she can call me ""abusive"" and get clout online. I tried so hard with that relationship, and I felt neglected. but as soon as i tried to tell our mutual friends that, thats when she just completely rewrote my character. im a victim of past abuse and the way she just gaslit me and completely ""forgot"" every good thing about me or that i ever did for her, and instead lies about me, feels worse than being punched. why won't she just leave me alone? her and my ex best friend (who she hated for awhile, but now is close with) have been watching me online and gossiping together about me.. i feel like i need to leave town to avoid this parasitic behavior. idk what to do, I've been trying so hard to leave them in the past.",4.384666666666668,4.673959484210531,4.807105263157896,88.79890350877196,69.94736842105263,8.649122807017545,25.307017543859647,8.59863814320734,1.3160175438596493,722,18,163,11,12,229,113,190,0.187,0.685,0.128,-0.9452,0,2,0,0,1,0,26.0,1,0,1,1,16,10,2,1,4,0,15,0,0,1,1,30,23,19,0,2,7,3,5,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,13,12,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,6,6,32,5,24,12,1,16,0,1,1,0,21,5,0,1,11,113,45,0,0.0,0.3002140194590077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230309799576572,0.0,0.0,0.13121269893126836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722908732660548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295340636831673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191234020789285,0.0,0.12936472048883554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656642441609382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220979340134496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459841633800998,0.10674184330357456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811660628097715,0.09050740727790507,0.12164232942092272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19576085888058206,0.0,0.06619032967773808,0.0,0.0,0.10626161519845846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269788263668167,0.1250802098100772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684700961069154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4024394566025112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618943660738759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456660171098974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101122800661954,0.0,0.0,0.09393907742365336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418800033829933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360177166674462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591856659325892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073270032321764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833449866887495,0.0,0.12447234497282315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25804271259655925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005606761354798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431807768731266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291079989967965,0.08999698679115413,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DragonOfDuality,2020/01/13,"Mentally ill family Pretty much my entire family has some form of mental illness or... learning disabilities? I don't know what you'd call ADD/ADHD. Either way the last few years we've been dealing with my mother and I've had to realize how delusional she is. Like that's just what happens when you leave issues (pretty serious ones) unresolved and untreated for more than 50 years. There's no check on reality. There's nothing confronting those shitty voices in your head. There's nothing to align your perception with. She got married, she had kids, she got involved with the church, she got a good job and did all the parenting work things she was supposed to. She feels deeply betrayed that everything isn't nice. That she isn't perfect because of how hard she's tried to follow all the steps of perfection. I'm borderline. I think she's probably borderline. But I've spent the last decade and a half sorting myself out, getting professional help, spending a little bit of time in the psychiatric hospital, ripping myself apart and putting myself back together again. She's tried very hard to pretend everything is okay and hoping to eventually convince herself of the lie. &#x200B; I had to move back in with my parents due to medical bills and needing surgery. That alone kinda sucks at 30. But seeing how bad my mother is, mentally and emotionally, having fights, having our emotional issues seriously conflict, trying to take care of my parents while also taking care of myself.. shit's not possible. But it's also impossible to ignore while I live with them. It's slowly physically and emotionally destroying me. &#x200B; My house is being remodeled and when it's done I'm moving back out but it feels like I would be abandoning them. My mom would see it as me abandoning her. It sucks knowing there's absolutely nothing I can do. It sucks that when she triggers me I make everything worse. It sucks that not getting triggered doesn't help anything. Mental illness isn't nearly as bad as trying to ignore your problems and never work on yourself. Being messed up and mentally scarred isn't nearly as bad as being too afraid to face your demons. I wish I could have my mother back. I wish I didn't keep wishing I wasn't so fucked up so that I could help her. I know I can't help her, she needs to help herself.",5.278755603858173,7.269297270207857,5.673300502649095,77.07080118190464,69.36951501154735,8.69688900964543,30.518204048362993,9.247498795725024,2.9096529547615813,1870,77,317,39,34,598,219,433,0.16399999999999998,0.721,0.115,-0.9520000000000001,4,1,0,0,1,0,56.0,1,6,2,4,21,32,9,1,10,1,35,8,3,6,5,69,70,34,0,11,9,7,4,2,0,2,4,1,1,1,19,19,0,6,9,1,4,5,13,21,0,2,13,7,57,11,44,48,9,37,2,2,2,1,44,14,6,6,19,218,76,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207298774626362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707292913240208,0.0,0.10922521045947636,0.0,0.14798739948156373,0.16596304359648112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05619800064063482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100474745966967,0.17106139101305395,0.04162980154133561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455651782750733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697331514177469,0.0,0.13925526053977372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905024661047363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040543128322288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988580904165644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304558883889846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18412771156888216,0.0,0.12875810197001614,0.0,0.06906036414843306,0.04878738741357638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313429577202595,0.07135887225461343,0.0,0.0,0.05727958344847159,0.16385660532165128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06038985652371286,0.0,0.12235135520604085,0.0,0.07008667503353737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22887141827544935,0.0,0.0,0.06782876589988196,0.0,0.07879910275817681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255695088599452,0.06776867364190857,0.0607005311445861,0.0,0.0,0.11259349687715507,0.11133320600562296,0.0,0.07231072855539626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672745374512724,0.06844592023910251,0.0603025544002523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045585037556709083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879639750774605,0.3441083275873687,0.0,0.0,0.07998205838647234,0.0,0.1451658940455751,0.050202034248153164,0.10127441060087793,0.052670535129214165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19658231075072966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04627601776674717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274885427209514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698828875442289,0.0,0.1389538031910547,0.0736296760138216,0.0653456436415524,0.0,0.06865171584575239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088388028296975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010013728971258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269326262650892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0453697694400392,0.043758369488971764,0.0,0.0,0.03982126257274439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18546150224725744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05634755429167605,0.0,0.05420653195962809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355952076004012,0.0,0.0,0.0994339002187765,0.0,0.06959476748579928,0.09702449761162094,0.0,0.16596304359648112,0.08795484084521557 bpd,carvingoutaplace,2020/01/13,"I'm not a likeable person in general I have bpd, sure, but overall i'm just not likeable. I think I have a good heart and mean well, but I always say the wrong thing and i'm not any good at reading social cues. Has anyone else come to this kind of realization and processed it in a healthy, honest way? It's the reality of my life and telling myself otherwise isn't going to get me anywhere.",2.2653439153439163,4.00022251851852,4.07347442680776,86.46777777777778,76.90123456790123,6.603880070546737,26.386243386243386,7.447530270364453,1.3530761904761903,308,12,64,4,7,104,57,81,0.102,0.6729999999999999,0.22399999999999998,0.8977,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,5,0,4,2,1,0,1,15,12,6,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,5,0,0,2,1,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,1,7,6,7,12,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,38,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779009849460909,0.0,0.0,0.1453931767349873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494958283859585,0.21906614593745988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692770330372926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417210622776206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17860473249982878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170309338187168,0.0,0.12150900912367515,0.3586551444361244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533572448260173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22264262518194367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101517938798384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23289383333069166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18668428260574496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21386057147352108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17002449912641665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179449415240166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20150652714986406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18687299526763568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204102257647544,0.13699614578617575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970664221791376,0.0,0.0,0.19223431604080185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337597038156544,0.0,0.0 bpd,crackers_and_dip,2020/01/13,"Being BPD and dealing with BF's need for time alone. Disclaimer ; try not to judge due to age gap. I have BPD and my boyfriend has had to make major life changes so we can be together - including separating from his partner, selling his house he has lived in for decades, splitting custody of his child and buying a new house with a significant mortgage (while I may add, doing this at quite an old age - in his early 60s- I am a lot younger than him). He decided to do it on his own, because he and his ex partner were no longer happy after years of a partnership that wasn't working. My parents were in a similar situation, so I understood. Our close friendship which soon developed into love (not some lusty sex affair) was the catalyst. We have been through a lot together emotionally over the course of a year and survived it all, and helped each other to grow. This decision was not made on a whim. We spent the holidays together, and he met my family and they exchanged presents, and I met some of his. We have made some plans for the future, and he seemed so happy and excited for the future with me. It really seemed like things were panning out well. However, as he gets closer to moving out, he is telling me that he feels sad, stressed and anxious - he also has issues with abandonment, PTSD and anxiety like me - and he apologises for being distant and he knows the distance is causing me pain, but he has a lot to process right now and wants to have some time alone and also make sure he is there for his daughter who is also worried about the changes. I feel terribly silly for being so selfish, but my BPD fear of abandonment is triggered like hell at the moment. He has said nothing about breaking up, or abandoning me, but he is only sending me a text message or two every few days often saying sorry or just a love heart. I know when he is stressed out he tends to retreat, but my insecurities start eating away at me. I guess I just feel confused at why his excitement has turned into anxiety - it is making me question my worth. I am struggling with my insecurities and self-worth at this time while also trying to understand my boyfriend and remain positive. Does anyone have any advice for me, how I can handle his need for time alone? And how to not take it personally, if I shouldn't? &#x200B; Thank you",7.6554636052760126,6.9028798067415735,7.600595994137762,75.03066438690767,63.29213483146068,10.705422569614072,36.20175867122619,9.971965246562196,3.4603834880312654,1834,75,343,33,23,590,234,445,0.15,0.7490000000000001,0.10099999999999999,-0.9801,3,3,0,0,0,0,55.0,5,1,1,4,20,28,1,7,20,0,39,7,1,9,2,92,69,42,0,5,14,3,3,3,3,2,2,2,0,4,14,37,1,3,12,1,5,3,7,15,1,1,15,5,47,13,55,48,12,49,1,4,0,3,57,21,1,18,27,240,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087739093772575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25715998082021496,0.0,0.26474984174205085,0.0,0.08967627626384317,0.10056902006038973,0.05628331011063807,0.0,0.12663060884159266,0.09350134370593748,0.0,0.05787149203452865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776081772081872,0.0,0.0,0.05045301960718432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31272037168020816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502286452452756,0.17510963768762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05337683595528359,0.08532749312911445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724285592400398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468966655080089,0.0,0.0930999350223941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973341909800032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780238531383189,0.09313408509153992,0.1255460191060664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04324150545653869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911754190956094,0.0,0.0,0.1762106145204448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807739743737318,0.0554759029648973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19100031848767132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638557441896394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097139861763076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058459649646421065,0.12130498131720298,0.0,0.07308336448585476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110925499493631,0.14939800965872901,0.15662924522750624,0.16573964144598868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796652190743141,0.0,0.12273899068864498,0.0,0.07993533901292002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941563344458162,0.0,0.08684836460581506,0.0,0.0,0.06294681621165454,0.08806822093846815,0.0,0.09190118201671443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226755482365559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967483234669427,0.0,0.0927161896925472,0.08803119063836927,0.0,0.0,0.0530216345354062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068119933250233,0.07872884843572953,0.06581836799797508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069302332192105,0.0863423626080145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930317772750468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092649089137867,0.058581776073850116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18961497200899136,0.08652436631981318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800540996202272,0.0,0.062229280479230875,0.0,0.07234060758658105,0.07619926038926897,0.0,0.0,0.054985654083862606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930446811638632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238454740131024,0.09002498845974109,0.0808497694655031,0.08616170022370294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04881717726646752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441603427753732,0.0,0.07468290011795377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025419689276506,0.084052281174567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056902006038973,0.10659640799162133 bpd,spookiki,2020/01/13,"DAE get incredibly emotional while sick? I’ve been fighting an awful cold or flu for about a week now. I have barely been able to get out of bed. For some reason, when i’m sick, I always get emotional. I cry at everything and I hole up and refuse to engage in anything. I also always let my apartment get messy. A factor in it could also be that I ran out of my prescriptions and haven’t taken my medication in a week. This is my first time getting since sick starting treatment and getting diagnosed. I feel so alone and unloved because no one has really been here to care for me. I hope I make sense, i’ve been spiraling all day and trying to get myself under control. Does anyone else feel like this?",3.0414761904761893,4.930553814285716,4.3842857142857135,84.40904761904763,75.14285714285714,7.238095238095237,24.523809523809533,8.07648339933343,1.4645952380952387,554,18,108,9,12,183,92,140,0.22399999999999998,0.6809999999999999,0.095,-0.9645,0,1,0,0,2,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,7,6,1,0,4,1,11,6,0,3,1,19,27,12,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,6,0,1,0,4,8,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,6,3,15,4,18,18,2,19,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,3,10,71,19,0,0.14321174485869947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832417727117106,0.0,0.2290527612450473,0.23832728835224345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013698184412644,0.14673735658875806,0.11785106358723015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730055042250512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14601391844590533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062414940086847,0.11434292502393273,0.0,0.15731137702181253,0.09235972782181064,0.0,0.0,0.14535690644803329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532556301276596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963503629971706,0.32218787438431606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870948193238302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482432246405125,0.10231049914211457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181583701705599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5237555808931658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224157642594812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644371201059342,0.0,0.06996602463331085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559495175060577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427076630543556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970439846653432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174511090279208,0.1472455255971675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846623525645313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136601011779303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350792010545227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723137409323088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297516466527296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,newagesinner,2020/01/13,"Reasonable or just splitting When I split on my FP I say something I’ve been brushing off while in better moods and while my arguments might be constructive and as non confrontational as possible I always feel like I’m just stirring up something cause I’m splitting and not because it’s something that needs to be talked through. If I tell him how I feel when I’m seeing him as a different person is it less valid? Is it even how I feel or am I trying to push him away. I just wish my relationships could be balanced and I didn’t put my feelings aside until it all erupts and ruins everything.",6.078062953995158,6.262397847457629,6.284285714285716,80.03177966101698,66.28813559322035,9.454721549636805,32.958837772397096,9.23628265651192,2.766565133171913,478,19,93,8,7,153,75,118,0.073,0.855,0.07200000000000001,-0.0258,1,0,3,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,9,5,1,0,1,0,10,0,0,4,1,25,20,18,0,4,7,0,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,5,5,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,7,16,2,12,13,2,12,0,1,1,0,8,5,0,4,6,65,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635612996471476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654758184976316,0.0,0.0,0.11454816023986245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619107874750272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930352788680437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003080317990256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19632590116252854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411274849390312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888134484178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800516632702719,0.1342429044631785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180330893969496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993427597628545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933284551198466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407571864944182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21184023248532396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18890139890848132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19320272299633814,0.0,0.20174496091598013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943353287589362,0.0,0.0,0.1497398998464094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4339867754722273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103489837410386,0.16424157709872195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757852002159029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21608716666719416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,obvthro-away,2020/01/13,"I just want it at to be over No friends, Being shit all over by family, Reaching out is impossible when I see posts where people get encouragement it makes me irrationally mad the things where they say they care about them is all bullshit. Everytime I see something happy or positive all I can think is fuck off I wish I could just be normal",3.5522727272727264,5.830645136363637,4.433333333333334,82.87000000000003,74.9090909090909,8.036363636363637,24.63636363636364,8.841846274778883,1.8660181818181831,273,9,53,6,6,88,50,66,0.217,0.528,0.255,0.3182,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,3,0,6,7,3,0,1,0,8,2,1,1,3,13,17,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,10,4,8,13,3,9,0,0,2,1,6,7,2,1,1,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584054257247589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023562721547667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389266446819145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958120065977801,0.23430704899142515,0.13241524731430473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697983321207664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16917739395785528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24832359258809705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17570777401752788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24273152602154816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015506949691066,0.0,0.0,0.4039278239337785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601590166073257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19511536783932387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683784805219473,0.16239817516393878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948921256736886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29145077264451114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cryptid-boy,2020/01/13,"Stressing about things that maybe aren’t legitimately happening?? I’ve never really posted before so this is a little new to me (sorry for any bad formatting etc etc) I’m not really sure where I’m going with this but? I’ve been really struggling with the conflict between needing help/reassurance and knowing that it’s not logical to be worrying about things? It’s hard to determine whether I’m interpreting interactions correctly? Or whether I’m picking up on things that aren’t there? It’s frustrating and anxiety inducing, my FP has been acting a little different and I’m not sure if I’m making things up or if he’s genuinely moving away from me? I’m just too afraid to ask him? Idk if I’m looking for advice here or not but reassurance would be nice I guess if that’s something y’all do here? I guess I’m also wondering if anyone else gets tangled up between the two?",4.15065162907268,6.0871067426900645,5.803980785296574,75.20592105263158,72.21637426900584,9.5640768588137,29.758145363408524,9.957137785484203,3.277228571428571,707,30,127,20,14,241,100,171,0.185,0.7929999999999999,0.022000000000000002,-0.9738,3,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,10,9,1,3,4,0,10,0,0,3,4,38,30,17,0,7,17,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,1,5,0,0,3,7,5,0,1,2,2,7,4,18,25,2,14,0,0,1,0,6,8,0,11,2,83,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244302904302338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838712331230244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216830549541888,0.0,0.10368374406054,0.0,0.0,0.0947690771354611,0.13887141003370818,0.0,0.0,0.12670673363603502,0.0,0.1273393975794497,0.0,0.11316588910631095,0.0,0.0,0.1153301244436066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160500937675408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322192634924705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023142377063915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708113342510533,0.0,0.07702754506677993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29861370499915346,0.0,0.11985296797896962,0.0,0.12141255089697947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084611338693176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744863765355419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716829334902318,0.0,0.0,0.11381508904344152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904705253680983,0.0,0.13616291456928198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405203333982947,0.0,0.10049733009441647,0.10453278619395504,0.13090034561826813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298048644019205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604811728442797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434130366265612,0.0,0.15172010201150574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15525464504731393,0.14169039120275126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25547987286256624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36017317059033377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239779673019306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469816991998062,0.0,0.1376421591703806,0.0,0.09628002676952103,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HimeHowler,2020/01/13,"Help with irrational jealousy. Me and my partner got into a minor argument today which didn’t turn into anything, thankfully. The argument was over me getting jealous over something that shouldn’t have made me jealous. I stated he shouldn’t say/do the things that trigger my negative emotions when he knows fully well what those triggers are. He then asked me that if I can’t face the things that make me jealous, how am I ever going to get better? I honestly didn’t know what to say so I just told him I wouldn’t get better _that_ way. But his question got me thinking... Seeing as how I _am_ most certainly trying to get better—especially with jealousy being my main root issue—is he right about facing my triggers to somehow be “desensitized” to them? Is that a healthy way to go about it? If not then what _would_ be the right way to help get rid of jealousy? Thank you for any input. This is my first post ever and I’ve been really hesitant to talk on this sub...",3.9271985815602832,5.670670797872338,4.801191489361706,82.9636666666667,72.40425531914894,7.353758865248227,27.42695035460993,8.021203637495839,1.8145626950354616,762,28,142,11,15,247,111,188,0.147,0.72,0.133,-0.4528,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,1,3,11,10,3,0,6,0,18,2,2,8,3,32,38,12,0,6,5,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,16,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,8,3,1,1,8,2,22,7,20,23,2,21,0,0,1,0,16,7,0,5,7,103,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149253306715316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071582711432544,0.0,0.12577772754650568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569718973826903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134058154792554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243400179210928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444055522659367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35146074920601345,0.0,0.15292556755216202,0.0,0.21520954932590844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18036007038209734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788049387691554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273060021709018,0.08980720096079957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288531430054373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507167761567471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619044689214647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22979465686872336,0.0,0.21398489884988464,0.0,0.0,0.10721180415722724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357627954980607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813900611660804,0.0,0.2477346601382669,0.0,0.0,0.17876620136938182,0.08620847745324776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752919153566036,0.12855974657422978,0.0,0.09134454689266723,0.14634203669492685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203772884708206,0.0,0.0,0.12096856889689425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557410745014326,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,abide95,2020/01/13,"Can't stop watching myself run, but somehow I feel like it's fine?! Sheesh this illness... I keep screwing up my life more and more financially, socially, and professionally. There's a little voice in the back of my head that says ""Wait, stop, no!"" but it's so quiet and quickly ignored. I keep lying to my family and say everything in my life is fine; but it's totally not fine. I know it's not fine, I have no job and no friends but somehow I just keep saying ""Oh well"" to it and letting this manic beast inside of me drive the burning car. I want to scream and cry, but all I can do is laugh. I want to state that I'm definitely not suicidal, far from it, but I'm afraid of myself. It's like I'm fucking everything up and watching the tragedy in third person laughing about it, but I'm the one who suffers as a result of it! My family doesn't even know about my diagnosis... How could I tell them that I lie to them all the time and manipulate the fuck out of them for my own comfort? I can't, they have to keep believing I am the character I portray when we see each other. They can't see me for the broken stigmatized illness. I don't want the meds, I just want to be normal.",2.266183673469385,3.719351975510204,4.1181122448979615,87.35635204081633,76.18367346938777,7.348979591836735,24.9030612244898,8.07648339933343,1.3162612244897958,914,31,201,15,20,310,123,245,0.145,0.653,0.20199999999999999,0.8386,1,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,1,0,5,0,14,18,3,1,11,0,15,8,1,3,3,49,35,20,1,6,12,0,1,2,1,0,4,6,0,1,16,12,0,8,3,0,0,3,11,7,1,2,0,11,33,11,24,32,7,18,0,1,4,3,14,8,3,2,8,142,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865244682871628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445467454734248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243468697782986,0.0,0.14092819175220458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473893542172363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23061007911180756,0.0,0.2418939210338539,0.0,0.06487080042458382,0.09165537747066096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912191694756854,0.2372169536882853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166969982235244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731494127120827,0.4561449497234976,0.0,0.0,0.14101731347810842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119233915466838,0.18123988122157,0.1253588331922809,0.1285872638077755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250900569634795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570378572954294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693734387322262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202396124191016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060806882259741,0.0,0.0,0.20447214097049135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078259905638928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145240150885734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033605633076954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213720237622757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481099206077856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30269149619813224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535437943106833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nicesttdogg,2020/01/13,"Psych Ward Stay I was recently admitted to a psych ward and just got out this past week. The doctor there told me I was going to “grow out of my BPD”. The quality of care was just so bad and it feels like it set me back a ton. Just super frustrated with doctors who obviously don’t care about their patients. When I asked for a new doctor he laughed in my face and told me no, and since I wasn’t in a position to fight it I just shut up and tried to get discharged as soon as possible.",2.2470145631067986,3.4225512135922362,3.751638349514561,91.09697208737863,75.6990291262136,7.868446601941748,23.55461165048544,8.472884824447931,1.1523601941747574,377,11,89,7,8,125,67,103,0.113,0.733,0.154,0.5437,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,10,8,2,0,6,0,5,4,1,0,1,15,15,9,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,7,1,11,5,16,8,1,17,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,8,59,16,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16999604518309774,0.0,0.0,0.13982389342709695,0.15182897582193464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22902137275639756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707964163103945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5583634655718405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194387140590618,0.1299066788858156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500400200825657,0.0,0.10334397909055897,0.0,0.14543422346978802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883793912813788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17562240324280345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735870514547668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20499750930311425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17954526521051029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504200967771123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19381746407068834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475122172052237,0.0,0.12345756298589484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458612441316775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,OlimpijaDeGuz,2020/01/13,"Why so much hate for BPD? Why do people on reddit hate on people with BPD? I've been reading topics on other subreddits related to BPD and they have so much anger and hate for people with BPD they had any type of relationship with. They're saying things like ""he/she ruined my life"" and stuff like that. I'm new to this and I'm quite shocked by those statements. Also, people tend to put the label BPD on their partners and proceed to explain their behaviour which is actually more close to pathological jealousy. I guess I'll stay out of any relationship if it'd mean that I'd be ruining someone's life?!l",3.795378151260504,5.775789588235298,4.61906722689076,83.14137394957986,73.28571428571429,7.449075630252103,26.185714285714287,8.238735603445708,1.712831260504201,487,17,93,8,10,157,78,119,0.205,0.757,0.038,-0.971,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,4,1,3,9,4,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,0,15,16,9,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,1,9,10,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,2,1,6,2,18,12,3,10,0,2,0,0,9,6,0,2,4,52,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.10695073371107837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764457581000938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905925706686687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6901670936537522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073330625398865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32461265196792377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482301818346378,0.10708698758778727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938311876562027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113261683707594,0.0,0.0,0.10584933813622603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039226751855254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101751232818657,0.0,0.11656975975180693,0.10962652655235493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23533204167727656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715582839607608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286107067175574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681567904956228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546219313449528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281128926998867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19778825348577228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ltsgwfwhl,2020/01/13,"Paranoid thoughts over FP New account because I’m scared of being found by irls. Lately I’ve been really paranoid that my FP secretly doesn’t like me. And it’s nothing they’re doing specifically, they sometimes say they love and miss me but it’s just....not enough for me to believe? Lately I have been telling them that I am struggling with suicidal thoughts and their responses have been unsatisfactory, to say the least. Sometimes my mind just convinces me everyone is a liar and that I need to isolate. I feel like I cannot trust anyone. I have not been able to sleep at night and just wait for them to talk to me all day, but as of last night they have ghosted me. I am trying to be rational and understand there are reasons people become distant but I’ve been having anxiety attacks all day. And I’m not sure of what I want them to do to reassure me because I am in that completely negative mindset and would probably not really believe them anyways. It’s just a complicated, exhausting situation. Sometimes my brain convinces me that the only way people would care about me would be if I died. And I know that it is a disordered thought but sometimes it genuinely seems like it’s true. I don’t know what to do.",4.56428436911488,6.209381737288138,5.273333333333333,80.60773069679851,70.61016949152544,8.63427495291902,31.75517890772128,9.150863307647796,2.8395082862523537,974,44,183,20,18,315,121,236,0.187,0.706,0.106,-0.972,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,8,0,6,17,2,2,5,0,28,4,2,1,4,43,45,15,3,6,11,0,1,3,0,3,1,2,0,0,14,10,0,1,11,0,1,0,7,6,0,0,9,3,32,11,22,30,4,12,0,1,0,1,15,3,0,2,11,128,46,0,0.10822763202731137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279384226883753,0.0,0.0,0.07567527673128087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312455567932043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194911990257313,0.1195289165609612,0.0,0.24387095942705375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081783036938215,0.0,0.0,0.11034528384540762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347461306376827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395957384180191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123231951048792,0.0,0.12403824270561215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182807495386764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341614039537414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05472314262949884,0.07731784194521461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866601231698284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895815233022515,0.08821996505188306,0.2441709659812885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586236626590711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976796633935185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927905611776896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024941780090539,0.0,0.10452692142103924,0.0,0.20312860223354548,0.0,0.10384733184558244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231199108065007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006282583602232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668769233848793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866678480719713,0.11127603101073627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213391385438165,0.10835474012239887,0.0,0.0,0.09852637145207672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216523929587224,0.1083057927288216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4281595817935847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314301973316852,0.0,0.1183834633823906,0.0,0.10200326236432697,0.0,0.0,0.08698927103371477,0.0945957207178494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577619520576268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347945789819635,0.0,0.0,0.11266878179287455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383546145096397,0.08590605672166934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306454137692237,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,My_Honest_Self,2020/01/13,"Made The Mistake of Watching Joker Like the title says I watched Joker last night. I'm a big Batman fan and knew it was meant to be gritty and thought I would be able to handle it. *Spoiler Alert* When Arthur is having his breakdown and is pretending to be a guest on the Murray Miller show he dry runs suicide with an empty pistol. I haven't been so badly triggered in a very long time. I immediately started crying and felt such a strong surge of self harm and suicidal ideation. I attempted suicide in June and have felt ok for the most part since, but this brought me right back there. I spent 3 hours trying to calm myself down, took a big dose of melatonin to force me to sleep and finally passed out. Last night hurt and it still kinda hurts today. Be careful what you expose yourself to!",3.249585253456221,5.425545741935487,3.5730184331797226,89.16524193548386,75.45161290322581,5.71889400921659,23.974654377880178,6.5431188927421005,0.7000783410138247,630,20,122,5,14,195,112,155,0.17300000000000001,0.732,0.095,-0.9427,0,0,0,1,0,2,13.0,0,1,0,2,6,10,0,0,10,1,12,2,1,2,0,22,24,11,3,2,1,0,2,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,5,10,0,0,5,2,1,4,1,5,0,0,11,5,11,5,17,8,2,26,0,2,2,0,6,8,0,2,15,72,16,0,0.14900721422738256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457735007443365,0.12441479984436812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519227857150637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367742798903445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28614058621976923,0.16323011977100696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467420907963878,0.0,0.31903060934184096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24292153464654725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279739822638419,0.0,0.0,0.13186669560765438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409942289456634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796663530537619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613602923612312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272513467885983,0.0,0.11849651746526738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544702170506278,0.0,0.0,0.12326030740695572,0.0,0.14911482545545748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546807316606403,0.0,0.11899735376245307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4889691225457442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829508382919783,0.08688730490026146,0.0,0.14124141613131366,0.0,0.165552497693065,0.10116611736996607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294655703548375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585044976129956,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,crimgirl87,2020/01/13,"BPD/PTSD: New relationship anxiety - how do I open up about my fears, DBT skills? I've started talking to/seeing a new guy for about three weeks now, and my anxiety is starting to spiral. I constantly worry that I'm annoying him, that I've said something wrong/made him mad. I worry that I'm texting too much (even though he texts back and first thing every morning). I worry that the only reason he's still talking to me is to be polite and he doesn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me otherwise - even though we talked about that, and he promised he would tell me flat out if he ever does change his mind.Things got physical the other night (not sex but fooled around), and my anxiety has been worse since. I worry that he just used me, etc. even though he texted immediately after his hockey practice the next morning. I can feel myself pulling away a bit. I'm starting to test, and I don't want to do that. Yesterday, I cut the conversation off earlier by telling him I had to work. Today, we've talked but told him I have 300 plus pages to read by Wednesday. He has hockey/he's watching football - I asked him to message me later, and he said he would. Rationally, I know he's busy - and he knows I'm busy. But my stupid BPD fears are creeping in thinking I'll never hear from him again. That he's just fading me out. I worry that every text message is his last, that he's just waiting to bail. The DBT book and therapy says we're allowed to have needs. I've told him I have anxiety, that I can be needy AF, and I have trust issues - he's been super patient so far. But how do I discuss needing direct WORDS and verbal affirmation/confirmation that he likes me, on a regular basis? He said the other day that the fact he's still texting should be a sign - and rationally, it should be.... but I still need the actual words.",3.7502367941712222,4.989716136612022,4.720710382513662,85.36135701275046,72.06010928961749,7.6080145719489956,26.397085610200364,8.045849151850463,1.4876910746812388,1430,47,294,20,27,466,182,366,0.14,0.813,0.047,-0.9787,1,0,1,0,0,0,57.0,1,0,0,4,24,12,4,2,12,0,28,1,0,5,3,54,55,25,0,10,10,0,2,1,0,4,0,5,0,1,17,18,0,1,6,3,0,1,4,8,0,2,9,8,42,4,29,38,4,37,0,1,1,1,51,10,0,1,27,172,59,4,0.0,0.0,0.0792573463243896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24852711318865134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723015075612444,0.0759281481814073,0.0,0.07630726774566514,0.0624518605006318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866934981658818,0.0,0.2045832149639447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591819376082911,0.0,0.0,0.08776813052620874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052379085406220015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107468291042421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057987519375213,0.16093176633878714,0.07346660348778845,0.1368598437592604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182786338303256,0.08213282708972122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908424571428612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495769509442623,0.0,0.0,0.08041888754854201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153892848898112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869458714881467,0.0,0.0,0.0847708055259576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927090885844266,0.06620375573571037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03967915958860648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200733171901586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059704796655772926,0.18066702421270248,0.06264056101981888,0.15688228326761425,0.08637658498274399,0.07621787402260408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06177017808178116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493984810244206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124028026560308,0.0,0.0,0.08350594076909433,0.0,0.08719806064551372,0.0,0.0,0.2317716104193452,0.06458805316883337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718461823775287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252581641553938,0.0,0.0,0.1724601953621334,0.0,0.1945831213312895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26112077681085555,0.21296512589972855,0.0,0.09288020594154224,0.0,0.05395783058007241,0.052041408111332635,0.239389706390224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769854531581868,0.15521513511910284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014653544190723,0.0,0.0,0.0958093169656219,0.0,0.0651484224025677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05912789075345951,0.4124056377113215,0.08276838784074378,0.11539030215181888,0.08879946276183706,0.0,0.0 bpd,krustyskrab,2020/01/13,"Bpd feels re-surfacing after months So I started on quetiapine about a year ago. Kicked a very toxic FP to the curb, started a new relationship, continued with therapy and felt stable for a while. But very recently things have been going downhill and it feels like all my progress is unraveling. My current partner seems to be becoming my FP after me managing to avoid those feelings for so long. I really do love them, we have a stable and healthy relationship (unlike my last one when I was very unwell) but I’ve started worrying about them abandoning me all the time now. I really don’t want to ruin what we have by being too emotional. I think there are 2 main causes to this. I’m graduating in a couple of months and I have no idea what’s going to happen, as the industry I’ve studied for has very few jobs available, it’s ruthlessly competitive and I’m going to have to move to another city to make it. I’m going to end up leaving all my friends behind. My partner and I have been long distance for half a year too, which is really not helping with my attachment issues. I don’t know if/when the long distance will end, and it hurts more and more each month. I just don’t know how to stop this resurgence of my illness before it ruins everything I’ve worked so hard to build for myself. I’m really scared.",4.731741741741743,5.82125605019305,5.967612612612612,77.90595345345348,69.57915057915058,9.462119262119263,29.446803946803946,9.725611199111238,2.777038438438438,1043,39,198,24,18,350,143,259,0.14800000000000002,0.762,0.09,-0.9665,2,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,2,0,2,2,12,9,0,2,11,0,20,2,0,3,3,37,43,17,0,1,4,0,5,1,3,1,1,0,0,2,12,13,0,4,9,0,0,5,5,6,0,2,4,5,24,3,32,36,8,34,0,4,0,1,11,3,0,1,27,132,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621564275124016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381540648592943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987574848097778,0.0923609679709928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367044355675043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150219580555906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009929501441458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209477112309156,0.1922714081405188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755025553296227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464579126165196,0.07754219180418552,0.10421702624297556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385902614832667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24674693301924916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598304163928002,0.0,0.0972320179031429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275319444333371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619610424840185,0.12253033538099242,0.0,0.1132893050299464,0.1077108607048264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930332808820394,0.08847594913291616,0.0,0.11492995793381222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0530279780412029,0.0,0.0,0.288167890999475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796309627466628,0.0,0.07245240856327746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25991077991977435,0.11536261927786325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483022269652092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355064568602937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27813829651397554,0.0,0.10717180603719458,0.2330662691995877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866914841489254,0.0,0.0,0.09881226118960784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23047906123673895,0.0,0.0,0.09074569754473456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412686085581175,0.0,0.07211026354430693,0.0695491203738457,0.0,0.0,0.06329152151814775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35823298554954186,0.06402069006590662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901962957394408,0.11022933614200706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979455552949765 bpd,jokesonmeeeeee,2020/01/14,"i can't stop feeling things i shouldn't I can't stop being so overly concerned about everything my SO does to the point where i find out more things than i should which honestly aren't even worth noting of or caring about, such as why did he even like all of this girl's ig posts when he literally told me he disliked her, or why wasn't he texting me even though he's online despite him always telling me that im his top priority and that he always texts me when he's able to? worst of all I'm too afraid of asking him why he does all of these bc any normal person would probably deem these issues minor and asking these dumb questions can be really inconvenient to my SO and can piss him off even though it's not even my intention to in the first place. So most of the time i just keep them to myself but i also can't seem to stop thinking about it and the more I do the more it hurts as much as I don't want to, and I can just end up lashing onto him which is also not intentional in the first place, and by the time i try to justify myself for feeling like this it's already too late haha. This has been affecting me to the point where i can't even focus on the good things anymore. I keep having nightmares of situations i presume will happen, and that scares me even more. The fact that we just started LDR isn't helping either. All in all i just feel so trashy about myself bc of some of the things that my SO does but i can't bring myself to tell him bc they're so minor to begin with and i end up hurting myself to the point where i end up letting off on him which probably makes things equally as bad as if i were to tell him",6.353548058993049,4.693211230547551,6.789032039328703,82.74414816070522,66.37752161383285,9.66326496016274,29.34548228513308,8.124751697461798,1.7074724190540764,1295,31,288,13,17,424,158,347,0.1,0.831,0.069,-0.8703,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,1,0,1,3,34,14,2,2,12,1,26,1,1,4,6,53,44,31,0,6,12,0,3,2,0,4,0,0,0,2,23,11,0,5,8,0,1,1,12,8,0,2,5,3,45,6,48,32,15,39,0,2,0,0,29,22,2,7,17,216,68,0,0.08529852001949649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412903792358174,0.13642639128416972,0.141950403556383,0.0,0.0,0.0580059186241438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459321146327915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594852035288469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122070129471811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696752600823165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22393592905693252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22664751238559014,0.0,0.0,0.3943720760236293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666080971320198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938848396685268,0.06093727974537848,0.0,0.0,0.07796130198483629,0.14510975510762913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154435163148233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542919955055237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057173799953434364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826276597336478,0.0,0.09213703892058092,0.0890294936491171,0.0,0.15163448764716506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962204459240082,0.0,0.0,0.08722351587147904,0.0,0.08334509657371192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056937424466876885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270422678783336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357443902848218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447937756373181,0.1782375971116748,0.0,0.2419040170098899,0.0,0.08169240348994007,0.0,0.1839324629860078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955538639052088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054644416117923984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539869898664536,0.0,0.0,0.07765256903738332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587911036980508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06037473149887276,0.0,0.0,0.2139401464535792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236639985444933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833427325093492,0.05465584742521133,0.16761072566982818,0.0,0.09947650595179153,0.0,0.0,0.08150639126639887,0.0,0.057912095951331476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050311277115947434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309059409445583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059362128775179,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Spare-Current,2020/01/14,"I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years, I desperately want him back but I feel like I don't deserve it. I made this account just to get help with this, I've never posted here before so I'm sorry if I'm doing anything incorrectly. My views on my sexuality have fluctuated a lot, but after 3 months of carefully thinking it over I decided that I was a lesbian, last month is when I came out to my boyfriend and we broke up but still stayed good friends. This week I regretted it greatly, I really think I've made a mistake and desperately want to get back together which I know he would be okay with, but the problem is that I don't deserve it and it's killing me. &#x200B; He was the kindest and most understanding person I've ever been with. even through my breakdowns, splitting, and unstableness he stayed with me and did everything he could to help. I split on him really bad a few months ago, I was furious with him, I blocked him on everything without warning and didn't talk to him for a week. when I came back I felt so horrible, he had been worried sick about me but never once got mad at me for it, he was still just as kind as he always is but I know what I did made him extremely upset. &#x200B; he's everything I've desperately wanted for so long. someone who treats me with kindness, gentleness, and patience. he has helped me through everything, while also doing his best to support me. he's so great it makes me sick, after years of abuse it feels unsettling to be treated like I'm actually cared about. I was so clingy and worried about him leaving, but I ended up being the one to do it and it makes me feel so stupid. after all the shit I pulled and the meaningless arguments I started I don't deserve to have him back. id look like such an idiot to come back to him after all of this but I feel like I can't live without him. I want to go back so badly, but I have no idea how. &#x200B; I finally have been getting treatment for my bpd so hopefully ill be able to manage it better, but even then I don't know if ill be good enough for someone like him, I feel like the only people ill ever deserve are those who treat me terribly. but he is the best thing that's ever happened to me, I don't want to lose him, I can't stand the thought of him being with someone else and me going back to being alone, I'm terrified and have no idea what to do.",4.0301343330209285,4.796189556701035,5.202024367385196,83.94355513901908,70.95876288659794,8.35301468291159,29.12995938769135,8.575989854853784,2.014972508591065,1865,70,391,30,33,619,200,485,0.217,0.601,0.183,-0.9784,0,1,0,0,1,0,53.0,1,0,0,4,33,40,6,1,14,1,43,7,1,6,7,87,86,42,1,13,17,0,6,6,1,1,5,0,0,1,25,26,0,1,16,0,1,6,14,16,0,1,20,8,66,24,57,57,8,54,0,4,2,1,34,9,1,6,41,276,91,1,0.0636580358956697,0.07542436309730625,0.06212106025209864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05642900791541201,0.0,0.0,0.06593052692877878,0.0,0.050907308306752164,0.0529685854041291,0.20692036589073493,0.2320544439974573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05238513952595717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34264370159401736,0.10630360194989696,0.0,0.0,0.05416829991132694,0.0,0.13361036256758665,0.056300359634304166,0.0,0.0,0.08017506775540613,0.0,0.0,0.145615668740765,0.12980722036265593,0.0,0.0,0.054835761256407316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050825761761167605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05317812057007777,0.0,0.05638212509747486,0.065775767945847,0.0,0.08409106467170924,0.17274701387690294,0.0,0.0,0.228846951876712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093707829408152,0.1364319406900303,0.06112169737295412,0.06973426674349385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04918204062240882,0.0,0.09977608910084487,0.0,0.07235665759904399,0.10678668054846288,0.050913146578016974,0.14036641861516894,0.0,0.0,0.05629259090864869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800591882118265,0.0,0.0,0.06322679321387803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372434808690168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042818499587501,0.13258009684570235,0.10495437518039367,0.05188979557984156,0.0,0.06740466851874215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660060508217705,0.0,0.05621121196515853,0.05633535856610095,0.053456717466338365,0.07121705907229177,0.0,0.054119785685592316,0.0,0.18070431825419495,0.08498446654621868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243371075650594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981940033523422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779373065534758,0.043136332605823814,0.04841480483961614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04413246679583873,0.0555837415391907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060966801681641127,0.0,0.0,0.060912143146620135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156193570386992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534405905634838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181174170879922,0.0,0.0,0.07125995942504124,0.04505748545306765,0.13570199258719054,0.1016747793934381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223838475255087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05116591792939668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04229157043459747,0.08157899800622796,0.0,0.05053736982955077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627026038860626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18773579447052124,0.0,0.10212527320394732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227281499222344,0.0,0.0,0.12929565097329776,0.0,0.04522084226200726,0.0,0.2320544439974573,0.08198737601224254 bpd,Elevelsup,2020/01/14,"Unloveable truthfully I don't believe I will ever be loved. Having BPD stigmatizes me too much and everyone fucking abandons me. It's always that I am too much or not enough. Every relationship is a cycle of abuse where I give everything I possibly can and it is still not enough. my only value as a person is for money or sex and this fucking life sucks.",4.856086956521743,6.256316057971016,6.209391304347829,75.12365217391306,69.57971014492753,8.998260869565216,29.74202898550725,9.3871,2.8604759420289856,284,11,49,6,5,96,52,69,0.132,0.742,0.126,-0.0954,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,3,0,2,0,9,5,0,0,2,10,14,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,8,2,3,12,4,3,0,1,0,4,4,1,3,2,2,42,12,0,0.0,0.2384627132020996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674662147779789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22675349988988325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534826069853699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41591516171194703,0.0,0.0,0.1820531188907856,0.16957202473243813,0.19231458993598569,0.1808814248194164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721271918358369,0.0,0.19306897412118346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215739431564525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18164692995494824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29590164586090645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306891894215194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757343287109977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226892811174146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21608020717035484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072819685003145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Schizological,2020/01/14,"Do you have traits from other personality disorders I have schizoid, and i have alot of other pd symptoms, just wondering how common it is I have some of everything, chronic emptyness i think i might have which i dont like every second on earth is hell. Also if you have random thoughts on this go ahead",3.136609195402297,5.772991051724138,4.25241379310345,81.79229885057472,78.13793103448276,7.314942528735633,25.18390804597701,8.344100000000001,1.9412666666666685,243,9,44,5,6,79,42,58,0.12,0.88,0.0,-0.7724,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,0,11,2,0,1,0,11,15,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,8,1,6,13,2,5,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,6,3,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24573164817906334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521694200826708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601297882497835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25889659303076795,0.0,0.2761633866328405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17463426490163605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501214519853528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259754455912372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683049816360603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193815015818932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196892571063397,0.0,0.24394594009998405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33323197528232695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cyborgbuthuman,2020/01/14,"DAE feel like they don’t exist when they are alone? When I’m alone I feel like I don’t exist. Not physically, but conceptually, as a person. Its like my sense of ‘self’ is only solid externally, people around me solidify it, a significant other or a friend. Alone I feel like a void. I would be sitting alone in my room reading or watching tv and I would just get an overwhelming feeling that this isn’t real. I need someone to watch me, being a person is like performing for someone else, without that I feel like a void.",2.4228155339805824,4.674790747572821,4.465834951456311,81.3902087378641,78.41747572815535,6.838446601941747,23.89223300970874,7.908726449838941,1.4170629126213594,409,14,79,7,10,140,64,103,0.075,0.675,0.25,0.9562,0,4,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,1,4,8,0,1,7,0,10,0,0,0,0,17,18,7,0,3,6,0,5,6,1,2,0,0,1,3,6,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,7,13,7,7,14,0,6,0,1,2,0,6,3,0,2,8,51,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5509777744678529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839523597680525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110165460127362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362355700706748,0.38005139930059095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027528997121284,0.0,0.06948527245110045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898527392841702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861534789700467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011499629399414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220314727354947,0.2322551300321217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303266387246993,0.1513793306467254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874453552315874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22537529902698505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820404685555692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18895404139570784,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,itslukeperry,2020/01/14,Ptsd Diagnosis + borderline personality Woops that's me now. 😂🤪or it has been I was sexually molested at age 5,-0.12456521739130365,2.0616946956521787,5.635108695652175,64.90309782608696,102.04347826086956,10.995652173913042,27.48913043478261,9.516144504307137,4.553356521739131,90,5,18,5,4,37,23,23,0.153,0.847,0.0,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5984423797918457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8011658492903154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kooperst,2020/01/14,"Question about my wife I believe my wife has BPD. I looked into it recently and it instantly made the last 15+ years make sense. I haven't told her. She has been wanting to go to therapy and is in the process of finding a therapist. I'm curious how obvious something like this would be to an everyday therapist, especially since it seems to be fairly mild. She often misinterprets what I say and in turn she tells me I make her feel bad. Is it common to say that? Would the therapist see me as a jerk or see that there's a pattern of misinterpretation?",3.4354747474747462,5.190916163636363,5.16030303030303,79.83489898989899,73.72727272727272,9.252525252525249,29.494949494949488,9.725611199111238,2.9037373737373726,438,19,88,12,9,149,74,110,0.06,0.895,0.046,-0.3527,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,7,0,10,0,0,4,1,18,23,6,0,3,1,2,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,8,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,6,14,1,12,16,0,9,0,0,3,0,12,3,0,4,6,58,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359142670581772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833970022174037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20501535922464165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230631751926548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877771526459355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925114662529371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326871978873646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952594897116765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669396785252544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402610710746667,0.21731345448489173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18235054051926924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072533581121012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588979340140352,0.0,0.0,0.2594287236848017,0.1481885436963982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346530666732439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531578131182414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422766502662454,0.0,0.1861527964483292,0.5669994042134396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554299842805927,0.0,0.0,0.1770575922102884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601169645435603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312680857113749,0.0,0.0,0.10482480286960703 bpd,degeneratenews,2020/01/14,"Repressed Memories Hi! I was curious if anyone else has had experiences where a formerly repressed memory is remembered, and how you cope. I experienced the first when I was in therapy about eight years ago. I lived on a small ranch with my dad's family growing up, and was often bouncing around between 12 different family members depending on who could watch me. Often times, it was my dad's brother Larry who was a meth user and budding sociopath. I always knew Larry liked to tease me. For thirty years, my worst memories as a child were often with him. My childhood started with him destroying my toys and mild teasing, and ended with him killing my pets and wearing masks so he could chase me around with a hunting knife. I've always had these memories. Over the years, several cats, dogs, and even a horse died mysteriously. Usually by stray shotgun blast or stabbing. Once a bunch of kittens froze to death after my uncle told me to spray them with a hose the night before. Fast forward to my mid-30s and, during therapy, remembered a few things I had repressed. Most notably, how my uncle would hold my head over an empty paint bucket of kittens, fill it with water until I could hear their combined gargled screams for air, and then smash them to death with the end of a baseball bat. I kind of lost it and was soon fired by my therapist and forced to come off my meds cold turkey. I'm just realizing that I never dealt with this because I went back to drinking while coming off the meds and didn't start to attempt quitting until last year. This October, an aunt came to visit and brought the uncle's wife. This poor woman deserves her own post, she is a shell of a human after being married to a monster for over twenty years. She needs a therapist, but refuses, so she uses me every few years. During our two hour lunch, she wedged something loose and I remembered a time when I was young and tripped into a fireplace, my hands grabbing the metal wood rack and gripping it tightly because of shock, and my uncle ""saving the day"" by pulling me out. The part I forgot and remembered at that lunch was my uncle swept my feet while I was warming my hands at the fire. I'm pretty sure death threats if I told followed, but can't be sure. My last death threat from him was when I was twenty, so I can't discount it. I'm pretty sure him ""saving me"" is what lead to him being left alone with me so much. Something else happened somewhere because I was never left alone with him after a certain point, but I don't know what. That family policy has always been ""we don't talk about those things"". So that is my experience with repressed memories. Honestly, I don't want to dig deeper. The most recent is still fucking with me because I can see how that one lie, that I fell in and he saved me, gave him a lot more time to privately perform his experiments. Have any of you had experiences in this realm before?",7.015932252293844,6.8140989087656525,7.0000046165387495,76.99343874430146,64.38461538461539,9.717375497720584,33.416873449131515,9.19923166143015,2.866630399907669,2306,86,424,35,31,737,286,559,0.125,0.8140000000000001,0.06,-0.9835,2,2,4,1,0,0,63.0,2,2,3,6,24,26,7,4,31,0,40,10,5,6,6,89,65,42,6,8,7,5,9,1,1,1,0,2,1,3,23,40,4,8,7,2,2,14,8,15,0,4,28,15,72,11,66,30,11,80,0,1,2,1,44,24,1,10,44,297,95,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547563261729421,0.0,0.0,0.1530008454490059,0.0,0.0,0.1843813190926913,0.0,0.0,0.050229786945056885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051647152759366655,0.07568199611849763,0.0,0.1315085438361374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05679655591786058,0.0,0.18010628163993858,0.0,0.1257049817290433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448029109499833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272539174779134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692224411725413,0.0,0.0,0.04763591715847558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665876448131823,0.0771717502357757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235821655525672,0.0,0.0,0.12340713453420868,0.0,0.1308424672146793,0.0,0.0,0.0487862170560877,0.0,0.062233276212034214,0.0,0.0,0.28901113128947525,0.2088961103424556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282834799957604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828571620840639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531734541453184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580537238607354,0.0,0.08324965547716325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274077607839989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171913944695257,0.07691758223400898,0.040593507752787285,0.12041739940085905,0.0,0.0,0.16050605439003646,0.0,0.0,0.03608602831496433,0.0,0.06522291990531978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063085451475242,0.06279619890160651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16409163626492618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05429825139940861,0.05476893007912026,0.11393633746595296,0.0,0.0,0.06931599329729324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866233283419094,0.05005189299783753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998709048571351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982498524155008,0.0,0.07074091954163719,0.15029168940199664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856304011958272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293140281945285,0.0,0.3346922801479265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05885973314193925,0.0,0.0,0.08344485361990255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137276295657882,0.0,0.0,0.10456208511078144,0.0,0.058987573483379935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20884673175327206,0.0,0.0,0.059368770932384435,0.0,0.0,0.168938948115656,0.17152268594688255,0.0981433993216752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921139304009066,0.0,0.0,0.14115968732430675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721540130959996,0.0,0.0,0.06379444248310533,0.08135032983449518,0.0,0.04356667027105558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847230546083212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0524705885141589,0.0,0.0,0.28539445451959033 bpd,bpdtrash,2020/01/14,"I feel like I might do it I am so tired of living this way, not enjoying a single thing for more than a mere moment in seems. I only sometimes enjoy life when I’m not sober. I haven’t eaten in days. I feel like I want to torture myself. All I can see is my head in a noose and maybe that’s what I need to do. But I’m so scared. But I want it so much.",-2.1086585365853665,-0.4070513780487808,0.9909268292682932,102.56321951219513,93.26829268292684,3.76780487804878,11.858536585365849,4.935628992294339,-1.6646917073170735,265,3,72,1,10,93,56,82,0.175,0.6920000000000001,0.133,-0.7475,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,1,3,0,7,4,1,0,1,13,17,7,0,3,4,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,3,12,4,8,15,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,5,49,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286761467972776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397034859760505,0.33867492530340765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432657361884287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674244461389131,0.2316061241529897,0.0,0.20930576722608935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23813297054084204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25145609945804576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424759861542696,0.17575804559199626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802753848883084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23731284134408545,0.0,0.1888857723922852,0.2157872662534467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23443313783354916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574751599822521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724362378719554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796181268733906,0.18814691804213227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HomelessBohemian,2020/01/14,"Obsessive jealousy around sexuality and lust I have BPD and OCD and my romantic relationship with my FP was rocky from the start because of this. We couldn't even walk down the street without me projecting my hypersexuality and my obsessive fears onto him. I was always splitting on him, assuming he was checking girls out and comparing me to them. I can barely handle him thinking someone else is hot or pretty (I've gotten a lot better, but have a ways to go) because it triggers deep and crippling abandonment fears. We aren't together anymore and I feel like I can't live without him (he's my FP) but I can't live with him (lack of trust/splitting/he actually did betray my trust before). I'm not alone with my intense jealousy, am I? Please say you relate. I don't want to be this way. Everyone is beautiful and I want to have a beautiful, healthy relationship with my future romantic partner where neither of us is treated like a possession.",4.108889664804469,6.4535567709497235,5.4513372905027975,75.90538582402236,73.46927374301677,8.497346368715084,31.857891061452516,9.188382445141503,3.2109131284916206,758,37,132,18,16,253,108,179,0.13,0.6659999999999999,0.204,0.9516,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,3,1,1,1,3,10,0,4,6,0,18,1,0,1,0,32,26,11,0,4,6,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,3,16,0,1,3,0,1,2,9,5,0,0,5,3,29,5,19,19,3,14,0,1,0,1,17,8,0,3,4,92,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.15380125119028062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632328471556971,0.0,0.0,0.1311412695770767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563033407578883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403032380159438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19215097182264654,0.0,0.13411156003138242,0.0,0.0,0.13939017974063347,0.0,0.0,0.19849992393892552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166004325158398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409763539084768,0.0,0.0,0.15059980615096835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35470235675654505,0.07969060381161698,0.11259414598575924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957143057055064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399719203135953,0.0,0.2783389303427541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399144700388047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17300465612673127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16034251505560565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384208896865123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533504905215415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353951263922656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155472250548976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009879090383313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895812659423274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859208453016839,0.2502014760948513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038541669718252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kelz4812,2020/01/14,"Feel like my BPD isn’t valid Does anyone else feel like they can’t possibly have BPD because they’ve not went through anything ‘traumatic’ enough? Or almost feel guilty for having it because everyone else seems to have had it so much worse? My childhood was fine. I was loved. Maybe even spoiled, hence the princess complex. No one abused or hurt me significantly. I did have a caregiver (grandmother) ‘abandon’ me so to speak when I was 13 and I’ve not had contact with her since. That’s it. And then I get days were I feel fine. Normal. Like today, I’ve functioned so well at work and I haven’t argued with my significant other. This is what I call a good day. But I know it’s only a matter of time before shit hits the fan 🤷‍♀️ Idk what I’m trying to say. I guess I just wanted to write.. something",0.2599813283542289,2.677962797546016,1.7248332888770364,95.31903974393171,92.8036809815951,4.552574019738596,18.743398239530546,6.280692351149826,-0.055520992264604274,628,19,135,7,23,201,109,163,0.133,0.71,0.156,0.2266,0,0,1,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,7,12,2,0,5,0,15,2,1,0,0,25,28,11,0,2,6,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,9,5,0,1,7,0,0,1,6,4,1,1,8,6,17,8,10,19,2,9,0,2,0,1,9,1,1,5,10,76,26,1,0.0,0.1701590643221484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438086407220837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041822335759937,0.14714947841917508,0.11818205630218195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509147989330354,0.0,0.12220490635024127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36175352236317376,0.0,0.14664591503317315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18523825277846973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567754836692233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23994207884635085,0.0,0.0,0.14839161603919215,0.0,0.09485566927447046,0.0,0.0,0.13722929777818552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904621428164427,0.2051956902530302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503236914408197,0.0,0.0,0.12045657992996404,0.0,0.0,0.1582069733747829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537417195800551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892647920748269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21048758689394867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296172102677085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427953063946816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055727885399071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407111933418704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731653928620454,0.10922489170004973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190316688250547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420758902690632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074075976254418,0.0,0.0,0.14741767104741454,0.11879895572281216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105610464228008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837424577698088,0.0,0.13612924626102574,0.0,0.0,0.0975044550100254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470723733037383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291262016712816,0.13313158414775564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045526767860139,0.0,0.14635489938403412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,daesnerys,2020/01/14,"Has anyone been successful dating someone who ISN’T their FP? I’m not sure if the guy I’ve been dating for a few months is worth getting serious with because I don’t get FP vibes from him. He’s 10/10 great. A fantastic guy. He makes me smile and laugh a lot, and there are hardly ever any instances where I feel abandoned or unappreciated. He’s doing a great job. I don’t see a lot of my usual self destructive tendencies that usually come up when I’m steadily dating one person. It’s good, but also weird. I love spending time with him, and I don’t feel obsessive over his love, time, and affection. However, because of this, I’ve started questioning if my feelings for him are enough to pursue something. In the past, I’ve felt for and loved people with so much intensity. With him, it’s just kinda what I feel like a “normal” relationship would be like. While I feel like this is good, it worries me because in a way...I miss the intensity of mutual love and affection from my FP. Everytime I’ve ever been in love has been with my FP, and I just don’t know if it ’s possible to forget that feeling. I really like this guy, but am skeptical, and scared it won’t work out because it feels so different from how I normally feel while dating. Do you think this is just progress with my BPD? Do you think I could make it work with someone who, I feel, isn’t my FP?",4.156402228198232,5.087525923357664,5.451728774490974,81.66186515558971,70.78832116788321,8.980099884748368,27.924702266615444,9.276330184999452,2.239594160583941,1069,37,218,22,19,358,137,274,0.096,0.657,0.247,0.9947,3,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,2,1,4,12,24,2,2,10,0,25,5,0,5,3,58,53,21,0,7,10,0,11,4,0,2,0,0,0,5,16,17,0,1,14,0,2,1,8,8,0,1,5,12,28,16,24,44,5,24,0,2,1,5,25,7,0,8,20,138,44,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312932830233401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218641168493176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394116517678368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22297851649967426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517302812824814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877262658368313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301218511990447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955416003627097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448815677830648,0.0,0.0,0.1654362737720615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4161405795530056,0.13065807266187035,0.08780249481369283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555351506194676,0.0,0.0,0.1534011221549739,0.0,0.201639062267412,0.0,0.2716377333097338,0.0,0.0,0.08191764873199897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074603862102956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050256326741173286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870357406238727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548822778864926,0.4126678990310103,0.0,0.12208182206783127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299131990430406,0.0,0.06722332744490843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791953164448013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06196617212369013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729554853015806,0.06339713806232959,0.07984711465784602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309161813601457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244044159352307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05858264531608561,0.0,0.0,0.0981787747662913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155339280034512,0.0,0.0728706176045221,0.0,0.09539811529273927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549637877963355,0.07039959376958406,0.0,0.0,0.06472594516921222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861867670542952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718980095794244,0.0,0.0,0.10664578889233964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014296858287092,0.0,0.0,0.07258557351605781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314754538611287,0.09286784572379528,0.0,0.06496061036972495,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,swedishcatlady,2020/01/14,"I trew myself off the 6th floor in September. I'm very sorry the closest thing I got to my goal is the 4 months I can't remember I need to keep living in hospitals until I can walk again. I need more therapy though cause I still wanna die. I'm 30 and have been suicidal since the first time I tried, at 13. Can you recommend any books to check out?",1.1681467181467156,3.0128245405405423,3.2031274131274152,90.92662162162165,80.62162162162161,7.4718146718146725,20.03088803088803,8.418075326091056,0.9486239382239376,272,7,62,6,7,92,56,74,0.142,0.823,0.035,-0.8173,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,1,0,8,12,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,11,0,10,10,1,14,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,6,38,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202676766230492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447613668993407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24727900668741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026660824794828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19056040137037655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117787846684801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21039027900548068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19017896854089286,0.0,0.0,0.35333746164399915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699051280727752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19709332048637088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667155220678469,0.0,0.0,0.1902768545327326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26062065992762434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724740971466864,0.0,0.1582911129692417,0.0,0.23409183709153294,0.0,0.13893286323199516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176469467441346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19659163341598998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,motherfuckface,2020/01/14,"we are not our disorder we are so much bigger than our disorder. I can only speak for myself but I hope some of you can see yourself in this post. I wake up every morning fighting with these voices in my head. I've gotten really good at soothing them. I tell them it's going to be okay, just another day. These voices tell me it's going to be an awful day and something really bad is going to happen. I soothe them. ""no, no, I promise, we will be okay"". I go through my whole day watching people's body language, i watch how they see me, i listen to how their tone changes, and i panick the voices keep saying *see, i told you*. But again, I soothe them. ""We are going to be okay"". A friend of mine doesn't reply to a text and my whole world falls apart, I start to plan how I am going to live my life without this person, *see i told you*. But again, I soothe them. ""it's okay, we're gonna be okay"". I make connections with people that others can only wish to make. These connections are my lifelines. My drive home from work I feel empty, I think I might accidentally go into head on traffic. You see, these voices don't even trust myself not to kill myself, but I trust myself, so again, i soothe them. &#x200B; shhh, it's going to be just fine, we will make it, we make it every fucking day.",0.9513126684636112,3.1057929924528342,2.7063544474393524,92.51629716981134,83.22641509433963,4.993261455525606,17.388814016172507,6.1826913282559595,-0.2966091644204858,993,21,212,8,28,328,130,265,0.09699999999999999,0.726,0.177,0.9679,0,0,1,0,2,1,54.0,8,4,8,2,11,16,3,0,4,6,20,6,4,7,0,35,50,12,1,2,9,0,1,0,1,4,1,7,1,1,14,12,0,1,2,0,0,10,7,4,0,0,3,15,55,12,26,37,4,28,0,0,7,1,30,9,1,3,8,145,69,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540631452074856,0.1182097451096216,0.0,0.10200992518705113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122741461613432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805971243819017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291273408482056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509584828108429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22298996769306428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425464095582052,0.0,0.16393059596776768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04918931267019143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516076467826281,0.08993675759565167,0.0,0.0,0.44230630904155616,0.08159653875584492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602721897811802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19968127389707613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758298896134587,0.09662417553175368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646978458729962,0.10762945522801816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687140063585346,0.0,0.0,0.08590285440226833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597491852941825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320210946205753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151435095258163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797652587991308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488785375863166,0.08494394427101097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317042108033856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246442274164004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736351114786587,0.0,0.0,0.387610604798757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489336584659853,0.0,0.0,0.06885755487724213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700596223121191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233515114703126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859165472090527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172264536484339,0.11187088738142943,0.09377754032740082,0.0,0.07082333358922767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182097451096216,0.0 bpd,Local-Fish,2020/01/14,"obsessions i don't know If im the only one who does this but i get really obsessed with random things, activities and people. i get obsessed with people for no reason and i will think about them constantly and its literally taking over, i will do this with people ive never met and ill make up things in my head about them?? its driving me crazy and i just dont know what to do. its literally taking over everything. its got to the point where i would rather die than be like this because its just so tiring :( if anyone else is like this, how do you get over the obsession and is this even part of bpd or is it something else???? how can i cope",3.240916030534353,4.5623418320610725,4.471671755725193,86.3354465648855,73.42748091603053,7.682748091603054,22.260305343511448,8.238735603445708,1.0141749618320608,504,12,107,8,10,166,79,131,0.18,0.754,0.066,-0.9478,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,2,0,10,6,0,4,3,0,14,3,1,4,1,26,25,13,1,4,7,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,15,9,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,2,0,14,2,15,19,1,10,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,4,4,82,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623311873365705,0.17032409282709474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013333441442028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20936309521938676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796374885576478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252233274982534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547054222884664,0.0,0.1948223965251748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777306270439789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979451638053367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939839627762522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605477167386572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329507321085265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060175398733102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17955883722075258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18271326701895088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16242489235764004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096099735123098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282081889631018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264294953039518,0.12642675184993654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001280784833956,0.0,0.3457325365622999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15714275359903632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649232853249066,0.17091394552290656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797333797089389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499712066292297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208740032472001,0.10651460613407714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19105896604635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808628005509984,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wiseprocrastinator,2020/01/14,"DAE feel conflicting emotions leading up to their assessment/diagnosis? So after almost a year of waiting I am finally seeing the psych team at the end of this month for an assessment to determine if I have BPD. Part of me is excited because I feel like I’ve been waiting for this for so long... but another part of me is terrified. I’m scared they’re going to tell me I don’t have BPD. I don’t know where that will leave me if that happens. Everything in me believes I do. I embody so many of the symptoms, behaviours and thought patterns which come with BPD. I cycle between emptiness and happiness. The smallest things trigger intense negative emotions. I struggle with anxiety and maintaining friendships. Sometimes I just feel numb about everything in my life despite being realistically happy. I’ve struggle to manage money and impulsively want to spend what I have. I see it in me and in who I am... but what if they don’t? What if I don’t show them enough? Who am I if not someone living with BPD? What is wrong with me if not this because I know I’m not right? So yeah. I think I’m spiralling with anxiety as the appointment gets closer. I’ve already been at this stage before concerning a bipolar diagnosis (counselling referral which I was skeptical of). The uncertainty is killing me. DAE feel this way ahead of their assessment/diagnosis appointment?",4.246419437340155,6.664020117647063,5.3001875532821865,76.80997442455244,73.31372549019608,8.82693947144075,33.04774083546462,9.43228470229965,3.5409352088661565,1090,56,188,28,23,358,133,255,0.215,0.731,0.054000000000000006,-0.9931,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,4,3,7,11,2,3,9,1,20,4,0,2,0,38,40,18,1,7,12,0,4,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,17,11,0,3,8,2,2,3,8,7,0,0,4,6,31,4,32,34,3,22,0,0,2,0,8,10,0,7,8,135,48,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824223914024164,0.0,0.1192863039200635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334777694028048,0.16538584450947424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178828297707007,0.0,0.09198148755773863,0.12178684872848247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5445710505411421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311488268936144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24318624885894805,0.0957407145253196,0.11169176420186123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942989081356841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186257554904789,0.07722359679985723,0.0,0.1184135665936498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05647554697250831,0.0,0.0614332830415665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955886793333533,0.23013978658550896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195918873680136,0.0,0.11881315050301748,0.0,0.0,0.11445774906798804,0.0,0.0,0.07635119672050164,0.05281010376527037,0.0,0.09545049230717093,0.095661301748276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959208361523903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628096440342338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23411424009113904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092313145687955,0.0,0.0,0.1082226631272826,0.0,0.17227657129188326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915891442722552,0.0,0.10690942115873966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260102123073617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235283176513174,0.0,0.0,0.09448041502352388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181398652154712,0.06926336623418339,0.0,0.08581591930681268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375765040254304,0.08580134313164764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818568970143785,0.0,0.06961009316248437 bpd,Piercethekale,2020/01/14,"I've kept a mood calendar since the new year (long post!) So I started a mood calendar on Jan 1st, and I have successfully kept it for about two weeks! (Doesnt sound like much but I usually give up on these things after a couple days lmao) I have a color key in front where each color represents a different emotion that I think best describes how I was generally feeling for the day, and I paint over each day accordingly. Then I have two lines of paper to write a little blurb about how I was feeling and why (limited space so I don't dwell on the bad) These are the things I've already found it helping me with, in case you struggle with them too!: -Black + White thinking: when I'm having a not so great day, it can help to see all the days when I felt Loved, Hopeful, Accomplished, etc. to remind me that no. Not every day is terrible. It just hurts right now. -Patterns! Sometimes it feels my emotions are just kinda randomly generated but I've noticed some small pattern behavior and it's good to recognize those, good or bad. -Shitty short-term memory: the writing part REALLY helps my memory, I often get days mixed up, struggle with chronologizing things that have happened in recent weeks-months. Super helpful there. -Coping skill alert! Helps me S.T.A.R throughout the day! STOP, THINK, AND REACT. ""How am I feeling right now and am I going to let it ruin the mood of my whole day? I don't want to have to color my day in black (out of control), let me get control of myself right now."" Anyway, sorry for the long post, I hope someone can be helped by this!!! Much love, stay happy + stay weird!!!",2.775069667738478,5.0913968231511255,3.6677909967845683,87.23051822079316,77.55305466237942,6.590396570203644,24.193033226152195,7.675431598112923,1.2576957341907828,1256,43,245,19,30,401,179,311,0.131,0.655,0.214,0.9866,1,0,0,0,0,0,63.0,0,1,1,8,20,24,0,3,16,0,21,2,0,6,1,49,45,18,0,3,7,0,5,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,17,12,0,6,9,0,0,2,6,9,0,2,6,13,27,12,32,36,10,50,0,2,7,2,13,18,0,7,27,156,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880691422633416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327122453990586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375264950568463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790209440881105,0.0,0.08830506114008302,0.0,0.514689905971638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338145509065961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795445381692709,0.0,0.0,0.08900603568167458,0.0,0.0,0.0672409412740357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141151272173038,0.0,0.07662735133556815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750438862046721,0.0,0.0,0.08339185333556635,0.07655826231481806,0.045356225870804665,0.13387685290243528,0.0,0.08798763235671682,0.0,0.0,0.07057317330089635,0.0849561640321946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209581846096858,0.0,0.0,0.15853295656560015,0.0,0.0,0.08543517335936962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16321637610341833,0.0,0.038989727978847685,0.07998770106163065,0.0,0.14125358093769133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405808468680814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370128236813727,0.0,0.11733483293378165,0.0,0.0,0.07707821451769346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908609359174066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864233346113121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286632188104854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051126485122409096,0.0,0.078799903725261,0.0,0.0,0.20446453515276528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635959425648432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601727497789249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676203144167858,0.0,0.0789312830719446,0.08933753776015352,0.05648789082282964,0.17012754406124467,0.0,0.06672232646266152,0.0,0.16686346115647574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906091447938786,0.15341154149441888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559199210642208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789626842700213,0.0,0.04707230754203565,0.0,0.06401645836411701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201351326182151,0.08910180022656257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05139316917556177 bpd,shutterdragon,2020/01/14,DAE feel sudden immense dislike or annoyance for loved ones? I go from absolutely loving someone close to me to being annoyed by even the way they chew. Is it just me?,3.479270833333332,5.863519218750002,4.795000000000002,79.68333333333338,75.5625,6.766666666666668,29.416666666666664,7.793537801064563,2.199404166666667,133,6,23,2,3,44,30,32,0.179,0.62,0.201,0.4503,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,2,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,4,2,5,5,0,4,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,1,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678567924292564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20505431697449605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304789728973705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7320353216943911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748058841701108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436145824428039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219005148205529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Hellodarklight,2020/01/14,"Leaving school So this is my third time trying college and I really think it isn’t for me. I don’t know why I would start again. I’m thinking of leaving. I am majoring in music since I play the violin, and everyone here is so much more advanced. Also, since I’ve been here I’ve wanted to hurt myself again. I’d rather go back home and try to get a job. I really hope I’m making the right decision.",0.05305882352941183,2.2316767176470584,2.717941176470589,90.71573529411766,87.70588235294119,6.223529411764706,17.911764705882355,7.554174236665415,0.516788235294118,311,8,68,6,10,108,60,85,0.043,0.853,0.10400000000000001,0.5789,1,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,1,0,12,18,6,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,4,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,9,2,5,16,3,9,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,5,41,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16070655885646631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452479650496972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19202460084057948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049925997457499,0.0,0.11420943121791045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015779099324915,0.1995972818618658,0.0,0.0,0.21513038988673847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19942045052499413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110441617868414,0.0,0.0,0.4255723859228703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414145855639156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14772772948070256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25747851254792736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161758807231414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20338088127539414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324701419054702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223956596281806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575323756176777,0.0,0.0,0.11718060419320205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27287546255235146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853061773270225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18133392344115187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275525833594982,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Espurr_Meowstic,2020/01/14,"I wanted to ask something... I was diagnosed with BPD half a year ago. Unlike other people ( I think ) I was happy to know that I was diagnosed with BPD. I'm not sure the reason behind this, perhaps I want myself to suffer more? To this day I'm still glad that I got BPD, weird, isn't it. I already gave up trying to cure this with medication and I stopped seeing a doctor, it cost too much and I hear it'll go away naturally, to cut my family some slack, I think I made the right decision. My mother also don't really care about this, everytime I had a breakdown, she would always says ""You need to tough up your mental status, don't let the demon inside you take over"" That proves my point even more. Before, I wanted to vanish from this world. Different from suicide, I just don't want anyone, including my parents to know who I am. I deleted my WhatsApp,Instagram,Facebook,Twitter,Discord and I even switched my phone number. I wanted to vanish completely, I wanted to head to a world that no one knows who I am. Although I was one step left, something in me stopped me, the feeling was mostly gone, but the thought still stuck in my head, to this day none of my accounts were recovered/recreated. I believe this is the best move, just saving my time in the future, right? Lately, I've been feeling better, I'm smiling more, I'm more social and I thought my BPD was gone. I was wrong, when I got home from school, I've realized that I'm not sure which actions I did was real. I laugh more yes, but my laughs and smiles aren't natural, I'm more social, but my heart keep telling me this is not what I want, this is not what I enjoy. More importantly, I have this constant image of myself screaming and crying in my head. It's like I wanted to cry and scream, but I know I can't, I'm a 16 year old boy, I'm in 11th grade, crying and screaming in front of everyone will make you look bad and you'll look like a clown. I'm not sure if my other feelings are true, I only know the image of myself crying and screaming is true. I've been questioning a lot of things lately. Do I even want myself to laugh and enjoy life? Is my pass therapist lying to me and I don't even have BPD and this is all just my imagination? Is any of my actions true? Or I'm just faking it? Which part of me is....me? I would want some honest criticism/comments/advice if possible...but I didn't add any flair since I'm new here and not sure what this is, so maybe no one would even see this. Sorry for wasting your time.",2.8152941176470603,4.187471460784317,4.213480392156864,87.56316176470591,74.58823529411767,6.90392156862745,23.338235294117645,7.461004344511776,0.8995647058823524,1935,54,406,23,40,641,224,510,0.174,0.685,0.141,-0.9322,2,0,2,0,0,1,82.0,0,6,0,2,17,32,1,0,15,1,42,9,4,3,9,86,94,25,1,16,17,2,3,2,0,6,5,6,1,1,33,18,0,3,18,0,2,9,17,11,0,4,23,13,72,21,42,64,16,43,1,1,4,0,21,16,0,8,20,268,105,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06246141164551655,0.05666079460214935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053677580248212,0.05111641416841867,0.053186158127193635,0.0,0.0,0.08693492608582619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04469401206688544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059756119329831166,0.0,0.06005448975588103,0.0,0.05337012627070015,0.0,0.0,0.05439080055818329,0.07201540631360692,0.06707958893685483,0.05653161788788391,0.0,0.0,0.40252196646024496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517020697820543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701839682154502,0.06907428939989088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28085034932710634,0.08244560029156467,0.0,0.0,0.12975392729343774,0.0,0.0667822900582821,0.0,0.06542433353315527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21109118870130086,0.0,0.0,0.06107783712710235,0.0,0.0,0.06025763136689664,0.0,0.0969588841692228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036326934193696314,0.0,0.10224455284170417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804351378214993,0.0,0.0,0.1967995938097554,0.0,0.0720419405072741,0.07574493468976584,0.0,0.0,0.06411648662402328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05681460309716368,0.0,0.0,0.17564247285744575,0.0,0.14420799726576794,0.0,0.06944874159026564,0.06536203619467154,0.0451482447551919,0.06245569402322901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073525904621856,0.0,0.0,0.05434208705636607,0.0,0.060482191923171676,0.0426667735375281,0.0,0.06421574558674921,0.0,0.0,0.06439218809481381,0.0644158384964934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793633019288553,0.046988199224899684,0.04739551148640364,0.0,0.061733867243001776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707278003763291,0.0,0.1299405556801061,0.04861367254290151,0.0,0.0,0.07097505859301842,0.06921860734549767,0.0,0.044313744451321996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06042460360779444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160448703209411,0.0,0.0,0.07275440342171008,0.04094847895605559,0.06571990863553975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917383550380838,0.0,0.05083136497965295,0.0,0.06468996309289543,0.10187115775989776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528748844888515,0.0,0.0,0.13031579478248442,0.0,0.09841673309338006,0.0,0.07155266543746887,0.0,0.0,0.1020924167241472,0.10687915566712147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991757637993774,0.0,0.2409735509874096,0.0,0.04805952144784713,0.0,0.05586847469685791,0.0,0.0,0.07421548513208474,0.04246528646027434,0.0819140902992479,0.0,0.10148991227836043,0.07454396807531719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04339715584565133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3770138686794194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621977152165995,0.06988595692526849,0.0,0.08232414575075456 bpd,showshan98,2020/01/14,"Does anyone here ever 'enjoy' starting fights with loved ones? :( I know it sounds bad. I've been told that I am a very low functioning BPD, got engaged recently to my boyfriend. Haven't been together very long, but he has a job which infuriates me to the core. Never paid on time, owner messes him around, etc. My partner doesn't do chores from time to time, and it's almost like I try to pick fights for any reason. I really don't mean it, but I'm really hating myself right now 💔 Can anyone relate to this?",1.9558823529411744,4.126139098039218,3.427215686274512,88.6584705882353,79.58823529411767,6.432941176470589,18.04313725490196,7.554174236665415,0.3891654901960786,396,8,81,6,10,130,77,102,0.198,0.737,0.066,-0.9364,1,0,0,0,2,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,4,10,3,0,3,0,9,1,0,2,2,12,18,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,6,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,4,6,0,1,5,1,9,4,10,13,1,13,0,1,0,1,8,4,0,1,10,46,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802011434906296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768703903782944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625801307017876,0.0,0.0,0.16715118251427774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677642354818394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364841858576003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16431493195686636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20940826493564155,0.0,0.16984472471600073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017329395570306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853796455611743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18632837402868546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031910570272221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917327822077596,0.0,0.0,0.16616663731602588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946577461390785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20453177140746626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448163973476114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723482228030988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405748882026862,0.19305429744598135,0.1853958665816633,0.0,0.0,0.16035078677264938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290145007006732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284628741365984,0.0,0.0,0.1794180664718141,0.0,0.12748050943584782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098525500776021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,brookebohn,2020/01/14,"things in my life are finally starting to change like i've always wanted, but my mind constantly creates reasons as to why i don't deserve these things/things will turn out worse i got an awesome new job a week ago working at a fitness centre. i'm incredibly excited, but it literally just opened so the schedule is ambiguous and i'm waiting for a text from my boss for my next shift. not a big deal, right? my brain keeps telling me that they aren't keeping me. i'm in the midst of learning the technology, so nothing is expected of me, but i expect myself to know everything already because they would *love* that. i feel like if i'm not constantly impressing my bosses/co-workers, they'll fire me in an instant. on top of that, i'm apartment hunting. i have a few thousand saved up and can easily afford it with my new job on top of my own side gig (i draw people's pets). should be mind soothing, right? well, with the above statement of my brain worried i'm losing my job because the schedule isn't finished, i'm like... am i going to be homeless? my brain goes from one extreme to the other, and i'm exhausted. i'm able to understand that these thoughts are invasive and are NOT true in the least, but because everything has back fired on me in the past i'm literally just waiting for one thing to go wrong. i crave nothing but stability. i feel like my BPD is so used to chaos (abusive mother, relationships never working out, just basically never having anything consistent in my life except for school/my dog) that i can't imagine ever being stable. it creates imaginary chaos when things are going well, and i would personally love to kick this disorder in the ass.",4.025979235488439,5.791750748466259,5.117791411042943,80.7029400660689,72.19018404907976,7.960169891458236,30.94336951392167,8.617729084823388,2.5555105238319955,1328,60,247,24,26,437,173,326,0.14300000000000002,0.71,0.147,-0.6654,4,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,3,5,11,15,0,0,16,0,24,9,4,3,4,52,53,16,0,7,13,1,4,4,0,5,3,0,1,1,15,10,0,4,9,0,0,3,9,3,2,3,2,4,33,12,38,43,3,44,0,1,0,3,10,23,1,2,22,158,48,7,0.09353210234310752,0.11082024679402394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291056532303989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321500075868102,0.0,0.07782620184996385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769689507767721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192041330972432,0.0,0.1710489043643132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780040865468075,0.3132382774150396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894456236482012,0.0,0.0,0.2021499494895883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096427490534912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719589252653024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460514138325675,0.0,0.0,0.16812124520242114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458528253980704,0.1336387052050275,0.0,0.10245984630383026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946934762919707,0.0,0.07480616656393968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27844853800615244,0.16627126020612798,0.0,0.0,0.05140279737197722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212897991564473,0.18278024286345929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463849793672073,0.0,0.0,0.16883274820347804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888815207226571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427544679642668,0.1806677745567872,0.09947245194046107,0.0,0.0,0.17949314954592316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675954635504838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928697506447641,0.06484338297473256,0.08166862406463395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961665789583621,0.0,0.1004184745043474,0.0,0.1597518087005782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094659481011851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620250344554031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175118004216493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18641571822711184,0.0,0.0,0.07425404162321257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173606892999483,0.0,0.09737021712592844,0.0,0.08078170579363535,0.0,0.0,0.05516765729517538,0.0,0.07502581073019869,0.0,0.16819318552075194,0.0,0.0843981743767714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042774534032344,0.09498639008571608,0.09531720295867943,0.13288504387485514,0.1022626709967782,0.0,0.0 bpd,awittyusernamexample,2020/01/14,"Jealousy/irritation when FP does something with someone else??? So, I'm aware this is unreasonable and I'm trying extremely hard not to make my FP feel guilty or bad for enjoying themselves. However, I get so hurt and upset when they want to do something without me and it seems to be even worse if I find out later. For example, me trying to get hold of them but I can't and they reply telling me they were out with someone else doing whatever. I get this surge of annoyance/anger/jealousy but in reality I know I can't show it as it isn't fair. Does anyone else struggle with this? Is there any way you've found helps talk down the crazy bpd brain?",2.2288461538461557,4.5337238846153864,3.46846153846154,88.00653846153847,79.38461538461539,6.76923076923077,24.615384615384606,7.882392219407189,1.3910769230769238,515,19,105,9,13,167,85,130,0.165,0.784,0.051,-0.9164,1,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,4,0,6,5,0,2,1,0,9,1,1,1,0,23,20,13,0,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,1,5,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,2,14,1,17,17,0,8,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,3,3,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245287849531713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156260328205452,0.16943448960087634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380716495663364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082695911715049,0.1846004008575073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894214983376264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144200587714111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922105930601184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361277499109998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113928073864594,0.0,0.0,0.181312587512152,0.0,0.0,0.2591868752655143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813325210262385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083969587550037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770250908617099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087947755016568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038144774324762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054075718362064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802239834728702,0.2546098657179469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287387741623272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329129504645997,0.14453502360149284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245419792977324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753570095360893,0.13125788187408766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940455259431566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851957576826895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,xBorderlineDeadx,2020/01/14,"The Sad Reality: I'm gonna die a virgin because of bpd • I am extremely insecure and jealous of other women and have no idea how to turn it off • I am constantly accusing the men I ever romantically entertain of having multiple women, even when it makes no sense • I'm a pathological hypocrite. I get angry if the people I love have celebrity crushes and it triggers severe depression even though I have them myself • I go through their social media if they have it in order to catch them in a lie or liking stuff from other women/following other women • My virginity is all I have right now.. and although I wish I could find the strength and security to experience love making, If I lost my virginity and got cheated on and played, I'd be scared for my safety. • I can't afford therapy or anything. So, I've been single without any sex for 29 years and I'll be 30 in 5 months . By staying single, I am helping myself and others and saving them from the headache I KNOW I'd give them. I am now 99.999% sure I'm gonna die a virgin, without knowing how it feels to hold, kiss, and make love to someone I hold my intense feelings for. Everybody else gets to have boyfriends and girlfriends and these things are minor to them but I just had to be Borderline. I feel so alone, left out, & lame. People think virgins are lame and on top of that I'm forced to be a virgin because I can't control my intense emotions. This sucks.",2.9461921708185064,4.981656032028468,4.666909608540927,81.6228412811388,75.86832740213524,7.058277580071176,27.25423487544484,7.9765259561132025,1.8771038007117435,1119,45,210,18,25,378,158,281,0.16699999999999998,0.72,0.113,-0.9542,1,2,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,7,4,12,21,3,2,10,0,23,12,0,7,3,47,50,27,2,5,9,0,3,1,1,2,1,0,0,4,14,15,0,4,8,2,0,2,6,10,0,0,4,3,33,11,29,39,3,21,0,5,0,11,18,10,1,5,8,147,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999949636884975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359994356044497,0.0,0.08535700553038278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329117743807628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530300426598744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808638145422846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564110002216986,0.14077987089463073,0.10021645115399223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081090537809626,0.0,0.2605371426696096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485474959755686,0.14119161884692996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580780657572491,0.11353883069208695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278135262051718,0.0,0.0,0.1903980456389075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472179809433605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115665774242452,0.12040895370647485,0.07133515751337903,0.0,0.10038875346537793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413252431083844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416953097267211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796356610241545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637641134349374,0.0,0.0,0.061322086072536724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701846480582194,0.0,0.3398565234951781,0.0,0.25135407750005434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001878115802471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740376946530886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719226553056213,0.0,0.0,0.12566609398814907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180037911980312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795048568814849,0.10635156888418704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337862103820358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436888566864526,0.0,0.0,0.1182998689387614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354154781084713,0.0,0.08338903256581698,0.08042730089614855,0.12332146423413502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652827850255325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14434028562348133,0.2419910536648077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808299135976014 bpd,theseasonofthewitch,2020/01/14,"What am I supposed to do when my FP and I aren’t talking? Don’t tell me to get a hobby, my hobby is my FP. I swear I just lay in bed and listen to music and wait for him to pay attention to me again because I have no life outside of him. It’s sort of such a shitty way to live, tho. What should I do? I know I have to get over him but I’m addicted to him. I know you guys understand, help!",-1.209279609279612,0.20480943956044229,2.098388278388281,98.02716727716732,86.47252747252745,5.363125763125763,17.803418803418804,6.42735559955562,-0.3876090354090356,293,7,79,3,9,106,56,91,0.086,0.871,0.044000000000000004,0.2157,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,9,2,0,0,0,12,17,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,1,3,3,0,1,4,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,19,0,13,16,0,5,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,1,2,56,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35016802697183763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958075934069728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33563957854897764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180499578934803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153013464052109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530589600161058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22688123323049844,0.0,0.0,0.2836357036600861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25817769494658704,0.2807530726091489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343925754297949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549627953285795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,abjectprofessor,2020/01/14,"First episode in a year - how long will it last? I’m exhausted I posted previously about my bf leaving for the weekend triggering my BPD hard. I had a full blown panic attack last night - not just b/c he’s leaving, it also triggered other trauma. He helped me through it and seemed seriously concerned. I didn’t tell him specifically why, but I told him how I’m exhausted from not being able to regulate my emotions and went onto how l don’t feel loved by anyone, etc. And it’s true, I used to have so many friends and now I’m down to two close ones, only one speaks to me often, my family is abusive, I feel like I only have him. His family loves him and his social life is rich - he doesn’t understand when I tell him why I feel alone. I was annoying. I feel like he’s seen this side of me and will inevitably want to leave. I’ve done so well in the past year and this is the first time this has happened in our relationship. Before, if I hadn’t told him he wouldn’t know I have BPD. The only thing that makes me feel better is that he cuddled me all morning before leaving for work. I still feel insecure. I just feel sick to my stomach b/c of all of this. The panic attack took so much out of me and I feel so depressed. I probably won’t feel even a little better until he returns on Sunday. He’s going to a video game event all day Saturday and all of his dumbass friends are going to some “huge” party after. I don’t want him to go to the party but there’s no way I can tell him not to. It’s not my business. I just want to stop feeling this way because I haven’t done this in so long. I have work I need to get done. I’m so tired. I feel so stupid. I just wish I had friends who cared. I feel like such a loser. I had to get rid of them and I know it was better for me - they’re addicts and alcoholics. I couldn’t be around that anymore. I’m healthier now. But I’m so alone. I need something. Sorry this is incoherent.",0.6092432180696221,2.595753655256725,2.7486884387006647,92.7004665851671,83.35207823960879,5.75342880428455,20.251542670858072,6.971451493551832,0.31335622307602673,1491,43,338,19,42,504,189,409,0.171,0.652,0.177,0.7,1,2,2,0,0,0,45.0,1,0,1,8,27,28,4,3,11,0,33,11,1,7,5,65,77,29,0,9,12,0,13,3,4,4,7,1,0,0,19,14,1,1,16,3,1,5,14,13,1,5,15,15,57,15,38,55,8,46,0,2,1,3,38,14,0,4,27,216,76,2,0.0709597180917301,0.08407566251972935,0.0,0.07735656676776506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583435841177279,0.0,0.14698573522352765,0.0,0.056746460920916536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037297290194923,0.0496166847853629,0.0,0.0,0.0631691934355117,0.0,0.161453846813711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043256385524427364,0.0,0.1207629873317382,0.0,0.0,0.18827431251542925,0.0,0.0,0.17874256174768294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234816181182029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045763147818155284,0.0,0.06111750121411365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21784928488722854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982013193625309,0.0,0.0,0.07913884302663847,0.04686822456254764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378901392739762,0.0,0.4305523868177615,0.15208091034946222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071659991807368,0.0,0.0,0.1644699065234378,0.0,0.07414704789714187,0.0,0.12098412917662607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274944436044913,0.0,0.06356596950112266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04756280327022516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799521061253292,0.11568328222434306,0.0,0.3005443827387592,0.0,0.0,0.050120947416365504,0.10400200183743227,0.07112027931473619,0.0,0.12559423507815093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280878320603011,0.0,0.04736616283747112,0.07194201657685867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05216355752722978,0.10523146367538944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659088848595612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616828286178968,0.1619041895283635,0.0,0.16651188011055304,0.0,0.0,0.06773908017802051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795979485408468,0.0,0.07650657783055015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618418129735513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459906229008283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233449642650472,0.0,0.054628257765176255,0.0,0.07943359484600471,0.0,0.0,0.056668522530460286,0.05932550169053154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860657638650559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04714248363889161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0413771822622246,0.0815577573502216,0.0,0.1356101030971219,0.07883885774654582,0.0,0.0,0.06931733372531146,0.0738715690623583,0.0,0.06128641318311881,0.0,0.0,0.12556164070020925,0.11264904263642272,0.0,0.0,0.0638013084840176,0.06578036958602812,0.1280602169993606,0.0,0.08160017383661616,0.0,0.0,0.1033190397938862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139146389065952 bpd,heptaDID,2020/01/14,"my brain *can't* let my ex go? So I was recently diagnosed with EUPD (previously known as BPD in my country). I've suspected I had it for a long while prior to diagnosis, and having a diagnosis has helped me make sense of everything. But there's something I don't understand... Why can't I let my ex go? it's been two years since we broke up (non-mutual) and I've been trying my hardest to stop thinking about them and concentrate on moving on. And yet I keep having these upsetting dreams about them; mostly sexual ones but ones where I'm ignored too. And I don't understand why. Is my subconscious struggling to let them go? Or is this a normal BPD/EUPD thing? I did get very attached to my ex and they were my ""favourite person"" for the majority of our relationship. So maybe that's made it harder? I want to move on and not concentrate on them anymore, but my brain seems completely incapable of letting them go. Any advice/suggestions or words to help me understand why this is happening would be super appreciated.",4.020513959390861,5.8826644111675135,5.504260786802032,77.52969067258887,72.40101522842639,9.595050761421321,28.04854060913705,9.978442167317967,2.9607058375634514,807,31,152,23,16,272,118,197,0.094,0.821,0.085,0.4802,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,2,0,6,1,8,5,0,2,4,0,22,3,2,2,0,32,38,16,0,3,6,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,9,0,3,7,1,0,6,5,4,0,3,7,0,27,1,21,25,2,20,0,1,0,0,15,7,0,4,7,106,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613186063552124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102726650298968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820017006562671,0.2499530857617016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738056214131393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362991095044052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061611331610652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05849080767666338,0.0,0.2545018179340141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899964424736042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007943579903213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950894628438477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4579179995403882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907485810418816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059326099128412,0.07472947877173236,0.0,0.11247180882836356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379765857154975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969014362199818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517244636702718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775301775054156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054005467865234,0.12019559571540055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191778191206123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260865611251344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618686810260139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359769830664304,0.0,0.11703755492148553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437658064951627,0.07173494460202459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600871984540147,0.0,0.10936178716678399,0.34964097921689274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237292734574272,0.06603276404611781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030604347430847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952817989439719,0.0,0.0,0.07209404405597848 bpd,SnorpSmores,2020/01/14,Dating At what point of dating should I say I have BPD?,-1.5524999999999984,0.3374487500000036,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,103.16666666666666,2.4000000000000004,6.0,3.1291,-2.5968,43,0,10,0,2,14,10,12,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7139137173719241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5358459534732748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4507730230332308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Maeby-Funke,2020/01/14,"DAE have that impossible task to do that sends you to the brink? Does anyone else have tasks and to-do's that for whatever reason trigger you like crazy? I'm not just talking about the everyday things like chores or mundane tasks -- though those really get me too depending upon my overall mood and once going on (raise your hand if you've ever collapsed to tears in your pile of laundry that needs to be folded?) What I really want to get into is the tasks that seem impossible, like Herculean efforts, that people w/o BPD seem to be able to get done with little issue. Right now for me it's the literature review for my master's thesis. I've been able to get all the other parts done -- intro, methodology, conducting my survey, writing up my results, presenting to my peers. But the literature review (basically the big background research paper on my topic) has been *fucking impossible*. I've been working on this since August of last year, and I just cannot deal. Luckily, my professor has been understanding. I was allowed to take an incomplete, and was given a deadline of January 20th (aka, next week!). However, I can't even approach this task without breaking down. It fills me with a dread and anxiety that I cannot describe and I always end up feeling like the only way to bring myself out of the despair is to stop trying to work on it, which means this has just been happening on repeat for months. My rational mind in a calm state knows how utterly ridiculous it is, but when I try to do any sort of work on it I 100% believe I'd rather kill myself than do it. The suicidal thoughts when I approach it are almost unbearable, but as soon as I resolve to not try to get it done just then, I feel relief. And that back and forth makes me feel like I'm faking it. Can anyone else relate? What's your impossible task? Has anyone managed to deal with something like this successfully? How did you cope?",5.6722762557077635,6.5947032356164375,6.247003424657535,77.36237728310505,67.32876712328766,9.151826484018263,30.276826484018265,9.2995712137729,2.633942922374429,1511,55,276,28,24,492,199,365,0.083,0.828,0.08900000000000001,-0.3244,2,0,2,0,0,1,50.0,0,6,0,7,17,17,3,1,14,0,30,2,1,8,2,54,55,21,2,4,13,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,27,13,0,1,11,0,0,6,6,6,0,0,13,4,31,10,48,40,2,45,0,1,0,1,11,18,1,8,24,184,58,10,0.201484451689889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087878699933862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382560219444335,0.0,0.0,0.06850816817268691,0.0,0.07706752702778459,0.0,0.0,0.21132392005262174,0.20644463108720845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746455322827374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350199025616566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688130680290569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20772162253969068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816020072679075,0.3092828219793417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683144054667539,0.0,0.08922771022179947,0.0,0.0,0.06653929004802546,0.09112711087802894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281488905721105,0.14394053254575373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313456445505096,0.26316827510974616,0.0,0.0572541285531876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908601760837431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514871013014501,0.0,0.0,0.11145634669489717,0.0,0.0553652926875673,0.08211835994939952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953053771687407,0.1009701762289794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724621802770453,0.0,0.0,0.10973781754065844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172092972301663,0.0,0.08041148353253694,0.0,0.0,0.07469908396391771,0.0,0.0,0.1071405000817324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728718265429467,0.0,0.07661900237363911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090940133318334,0.0,0.06984197477169313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907609905678918,0.10357978676262396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603331042541235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342387759168985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333501026037499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755628727528177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422501174463794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019564394946678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574561631069855,0.08097278508647501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692865841858964,0.0,0.0989787253964394,0.07997807430506063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051920753660072,0.0,0.0,0.10487620997000308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059420374944417265,0.07996448971108494,0.08080933689542702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711191071981368,0.0,0.2200246207477157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487469048052719 bpd,KaPowe13,2020/01/14,"Having BPD or any mental illness is like being trapped in your own shitty VR Everyone around you doesn't understand what you're looking at or why you feel the way you do. Logically you know that it's not real, but everything around you is screaming that it's true; overriding your perception of reality and replacing it with an awful VR world.",9.620102564102568,8.071758907692308,9.561538461538463,65.10179487179488,59.92307692307693,13.589743589743593,40.12820512820512,12.45797560212912,5.108897435897437,279,12,48,8,3,92,51,65,0.188,0.738,0.07400000000000001,-0.8074,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,7,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,6,1,0,0,1,15,10,4,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,7,2,6,9,1,6,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,2,1,33,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866079246657757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4885654097622013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34560926051459445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262210113760506,0.24662163694834024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874972900124904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080832902870145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406266008358214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304349358262069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765403153519499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123381785456062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856700509052137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178135523099929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476119647482967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chirpchirpdoggo,2020/01/14,"Hello, what is it like having BPD? I'm not too familiar with it but I want direct, firsthand experiences and anecdotes about what living with it is like.",3.217816091954024,5.874367793103449,4.455862068965517,80.33367816091955,77.9655172413793,6.625287356321839,23.459770114942533,7.793537801064563,1.4967839080459768,122,4,21,2,3,40,22,29,0.0,0.7879999999999999,0.212,0.6652,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5856108503812418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4548278710514882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4543197034652528,0.0,0.4105752144831471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742501411592928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DANKKrish,2020/01/14,Ok so I got diagnosed with BPD and PTSD today what should I know? I'm 19 and male. The idea that I would be borderline never even crossed my mind but this kinda explains why I was so fucking weird as a kid.,1.3043181818181822,3.0243526136363665,2.913636363636368,93.76545454545456,79.68181818181819,6.218181818181819,22.363636363636363,7.1686216300943375,0.5678363636363635,161,5,37,2,4,53,38,44,0.07200000000000001,0.889,0.039,-0.3198,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,1,4,2,0,0,1,12,9,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,1,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,2,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37431138431845296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301650445148808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19629695182862894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747554279466796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376969662659352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355011800975237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16333264427416067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000859856994354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229217974836745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34740939990088354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817096363365185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681756187920001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21112144387301734,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fayemarshallxo,2020/01/14,"I need help grounding, please? Last few days I’ve been feeling “unreal”, I don’t feel my self. I’m starting to despise my friends. Hate my family. Dislike my job etc. I feel like my life isn’t my life, I’m an imposter placed here for a bit until “Faye” comes back. I don’t know where she’s gone but she isn’t here at the minute. It’s just me, a shell, filling in for her. My emotions are either really intense or completely absent. I don’t feel real, my life doesn’t feel real, it doesn’t feel like “my life”. Can someone please help explain why this is, or how I can snap out of this state and feel grounded again? I’m scared I’m going to lose my job or do something stupid. I can feel the anger bubbling and I think I just need some validation before I go off the rails.",0.34851397409679663,2.467294202453989,2.0582310838445816,96.4350221540559,85.50306748466258,4.8492160872528975,19.485003408316288,6.139981653823899,-0.16305835037491478,597,17,137,5,18,195,94,163,0.141,0.736,0.12300000000000001,-0.7947,2,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,8,9,4,1,6,0,14,4,0,1,0,28,37,8,0,2,7,0,8,2,1,0,4,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,11,0,0,5,7,6,0,0,2,8,24,3,10,35,5,20,0,1,0,0,8,8,0,4,8,76,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526428365643312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542184154423816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135256532389031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672084860691422,0.12989701820461275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989923774572254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393603369202566,0.0,0.0,0.13817085439647733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679310472727253,0.0,0.5011427922023761,0.17701504947287094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571763008633173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408198541317346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231639483176887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660826192044906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24588476148028104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808707631434162,0.1009874376034661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35003059750818266,0.12105345410036725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860197807677282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372673505633927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294393891657167,0.2719895203715449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820294281553882,0.0793675403869998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403618104717185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292449961500998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049721689767314,0.09537709626440584,0.0,0.0,0.08769045917244764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938414363408816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117920664511358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lionnessssss,2020/01/14,"What is the best book to read about what BPD is, especially for women ? Hi guys , I have adhd , same symptoms all my life . Nothing worked , I was diagnosed with BPD by a precious psychiatrist and that diagnosis seems to follow me everywhere without even being probed by new mental health experts. It’s like I’m stamped without even being asked questions. I want to read the best book on BPD to really understand what it is. I really feel I don’t have most of the symptoms and the behaviours that’s are mostly defined with being BPD. I really want to dig in so I am able to ask the right questions and references in my next therapy session. The thing is if I do, I will embrace it. It’s just that when I read self help articles or anything of that sort in the internet, I really really can’t relate. How can I help myself if I can’t relate. When I read anything adhd it’s like someone is speaking to me. When I read about women with ptsd and adhd , again I feel like it’s me. When I read about adhd and boarderline I literally can’t even connect with with them content -",4.848126684636121,5.598312141509434,6.178921832884097,77.73386792452831,69.09433962264151,9.453369272237195,30.23719676549865,9.606745405546679,2.7741970350404315,842,32,161,18,14,285,104,212,0.0,0.852,0.14800000000000002,0.9796,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,3,14,6,0,0,8,0,20,5,0,1,1,31,30,14,0,4,6,0,2,3,0,1,5,1,0,4,14,10,0,0,7,8,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,3,25,6,26,25,6,13,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,9,10,118,39,10,0.08277026772341246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3978951084113023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622575570499934,0.0,0.15475805431311526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737245789120181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4169850187482216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840100794388156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400694361898224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370226865847151,0.05913109579988736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195557816913228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879809240777751,0.0,0.0,0.11095833146528077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058463087900670986,0.1213121157658368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341296209046639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994004034145592,0.08802711873206352,0.0,0.0,0.0794203042070794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675401363676664,0.0,0.1854432854317497,0.0,0.4967559992001324,0.0,0.26512376478726285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068535638673486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535094310154396,0.08634744076015846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013097924237634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17206000066821325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465501464208173,0.0,0.05498888801803743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616676775034343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976400968139176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957516884295594,0.0,0.06025774069177507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,doginspectah,2020/01/14,"Partner of BPD Partner of 4 years was diagnosed with cptsd around 10 months ago (treating it as BPD). Since this news she has seemed to have gotten progressively worse, having more frequent and intense episodes. Stoped taking medication (for depression started taking it 6-8 years ago) about 6 months ago, refusing to take any more despite recommendations from her psychiatrist. We’re in Australia, since the fires have started she has become very fragile, and has had an episode to some degree every day since Boxing Day. I am really, really struggling to keep it together, I feel like every episode, we reflect on how I should support her better, than use that the next day and it’s the wrong thing. I’ve been berated every day for 3 f**king weeks about how I’m pathetic, a piece of sh*t who does nothing for her, ect. I’m feeling very exhausted and depressed as hell. Constantly being torn down, then walking on eggshells till the next episode inevitably ensues is really taking a toll.",7.770539291217254,8.769938740112996,7.01878787878788,73.40103235747303,62.72881355932204,9.826194144838214,36.42989214175655,9.800150414767053,3.70997627118644,795,36,129,15,11,245,119,177,0.17,0.772,0.057999999999999996,-0.9734,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,0,2,5,10,1,1,7,0,13,3,0,3,0,19,28,10,0,1,0,0,4,1,2,1,3,0,0,2,8,7,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,4,4,9,4,23,22,4,26,1,2,0,0,10,5,1,2,21,71,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29773861729262785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761369622769369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966855973427778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365154833129635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901994175125374,0.0,0.0,0.2820205977585229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098949876954357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888209764209693,0.0,0.192862786091685,0.11363752535858612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979773661462301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28299458696741314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322116037487635,0.07998458569884455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951561443826087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054698232734815465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127883997063313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873156593289713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23814247061731306,0.0,0.0,0.10742909533720407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151742415583733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192461148345036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778445856214815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849240090119235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704539767788726,0.0,0.0,0.12705142021941634,0.0,0.0,0.3367213741377028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438156466857256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669790290226186,0.0,0.1847582346214622,0.0,0.0,0.08980793967987521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114097289058976,0.0,0.12241120354444796,0.0,0.14419775024179085 bpd,cosmicspells,2020/01/14,"He called me a donkey, so I blocked him So basically my FP and I had a fight. I have been struggling with my weight after a fast weight gain in about 6 months. I'm not happy with it either, it just happened because I went through a stressful period and couldn't cook for myself a lot so just ordered a bunch. He knows this. Even though he has pushed me to work out and eat healthier subtly (I knew he was unhappy with my appearance) I did the best I could, but I couldn't fully commit to it until the beginning of this month when my stressful situation went away a little bit. Now I'm dieting successfully and dropped a couple of pounds. That being said, its not like he's a fitness god either. He ate with me and didn't work out so he also gained a little bit of weight. He used to have a very fit body, now he has a belly. I never once complained about this and always found him attractive. Now since I've been dieting I told him he should diet with me too because it'd be easier as two people in the same house. But we're apart right now for the next two weeks. He agreed anyways. But even since then he has only been eating. Today I told him that he should try to stick to it somewhat, and not eat just because he's bored. I said it over the phone and after that he hung up on me. He wrote nasty things including 'you've been eating like a donkey for the past 6 months so who are you to act superior to me right now? Congrats you got what you wanted you're better than me' I know he's been bored and a little sad lately but I don't think anything could warrant those responses. I was already self conscious about my weight and what I ate. I struggle with EDs. So I sat down and cried for half an hour. I just couldnt believe that he said that to me. So I blocked him. At least until I felt that I was ready to talk to him again. I wanna write it off as a spur in the moment, he was just very mad thing but it went over the line.",1.8815661375661392,3.5211235481481538,3.2285361552028213,92.52555555555556,77.71604938271605,6.110052910052911,20.460317460317462,6.868970318607317,0.2002613756613756,1507,36,338,15,35,491,193,405,0.13,0.754,0.11599999999999999,-0.2773,0,0,0,0,1,0,34.0,0,3,0,7,29,18,2,4,24,0,29,15,1,1,2,61,55,31,0,9,15,0,5,2,0,2,0,3,0,1,24,19,14,2,7,1,0,6,9,10,0,3,28,8,46,8,48,17,10,55,0,1,0,0,42,21,0,3,28,227,70,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061764518117237,0.06566856833686771,0.0683275405047669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675749166321644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715119357700041,0.0,0.0,0.1501724440282966,0.0,0.0,0.0925172218698824,0.0861762438107485,0.07262540756933229,0.1792999900048179,0.09121296543400463,0.0,0.0,0.08385016975399491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112675254306844,0.09086039096607136,0.09020116462225818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361028882947638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847440201786633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884475715383311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003654896620368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567609949355767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261538619698782,0.0874145850677527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086825197318043,0.09475146337720323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025820703066292,0.0,0.09263103522841336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023598833591253,0.2469070412422174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981254682050375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966339192663273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333333890449111,0.0,0.08733187316751333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745143639349343,0.0,0.06245332990243273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783895302642083,0.05692927023746579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402541550304835,0.2343349055651627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566546143306622,0.0,0.0,0.13585530291384862,0.09230243286700808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881284410239248,0.17169207656827393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660021653044165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091091623396422,0.05261696388605385,0.08067908480929137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783687943089511,0.15693174830433446,0.0,0.05575174120951088,0.0,0.16043185752196362,0.0,0.0,0.07092232620190943,0.0,0.13550949287449082,0.04843446357122908,0.0,0.0658689361643698,0.3999832994697472,0.0,0.2283685691732156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195636400067288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,66336666,2020/01/14,"i split on my best friend recently but went back to white and i feel horrible a few days ago he set me off, i was in kind of a bad mood but still wanted to talk to him but when he realized i was being kind of unresponsive (and a jerk) it ended up putting him in a bad mood too. then he said something along the lines of 'finding someone else to info dump on' and i snapped. i became convinced i made a really big mistake and i'm not 'special' to him anymore and that he'll leave me. i got angry so i just thought 'well good luck with that' he is aware that i have bpd/tendencies (and stuff like this has happened between us before) so he probably knows i've split and we've been ignoring each other. i feel better about him now but when i realized i let my emotions manipulate me like that and almost made me cut him off i started feeling so lost, i haven't been able to stop crying. i love him, i don't want to keep frustrating him like this. if i ask him to leave me i know he'll just say we can work things out but it hurts me so much knowing i'll just do this again. i'm tired of it but i want to apologize to him, to say i'm okay with him now and explained what went wrong but i feel embarrassed. i don't even know how i should start, that i got so worked up over nothing and it was my fault for upsetting myself in the first place what should i do? how do i start talking to him again?",1.1583171762366398,2.827996402684565,2.8110887397464563,94.56663559532689,79.93959731543625,6.294009445687298,21.775292070594087,7.242747475848597,0.4630771563509817,1080,32,256,14,27,356,151,298,0.22399999999999998,0.6459999999999999,0.13,-0.9868,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,2,0,0,6,22,31,4,2,7,1,19,2,0,5,0,58,52,28,0,7,12,0,4,3,1,4,1,3,0,0,17,16,0,3,14,0,0,3,4,14,1,1,14,8,49,15,33,32,4,35,0,2,1,1,30,13,0,3,21,171,66,2,0.1073242023467907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513642980860962,0.0,0.10746968570140177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643676985456116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033364149188496,0.0,0.0,0.08252568687703063,0.1792224520492867,0.0,0.0,0.09132499139610373,0.0,0.1126301289858613,0.094919535366943,0.0,0.0,0.13517107579397047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789059672165357,0.06921523180394644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965559951989177,0.12072528219742665,0.09505738776830663,0.0,0.0,0.07088662345139607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21706536575201185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809237660310366,0.091289911689586,0.0,0.0,0.08291841250393568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001844896619672,0.1716739377383966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490643769164572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148927783441896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539468229505364,0.0,0.22352328250192194,0.2359302993577028,0.0,0.0,0.2272816677875521,0.0,0.10974626833677137,0.0,0.1572995523353514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117157044908411,0.0,0.09686428283459893,0.2031055105023679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889563760588453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298046670148966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213094866034502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571364234187108,0.0,0.0,0.10789046650211982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875463221661794,0.0,0.10596970212921086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020898934268393,0.17069702676845716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093544836823518,0.08262341435268053,0.0,0.0,0.2278938684470892,0.0,0.08570924663047096,0.08972783882157953,0.0,0.0,0.12286053459663104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252625695564072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130143113942737,0.0,0.0,0.08520342843361679,0.0,0.12335338256967734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909780094269352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189907785655011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964973470283099,0.19898122162129436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562665950670888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734216723067473,0.0,0.0 bpd,BeginSelfDestruct,2020/01/14,"DAE have this problem? I didnt want to post a title that could trigger people, but does anyone else struggle with eating disorders? When I was in highschool I was anorexic. I got better when I was with my first major boyfriend because he made me eat but now that I'm not with someone who makes me eat all the time I'm back into being mostly anorexic with only eating once a day and sometimes when I do wind up eating I sometimes purge because I feel like dont deserve to eat.",6.764687500000001,5.871353593750001,6.893833333333338,79.83450000000002,65.14583333333334,8.096666666666668,33.78333333333333,5.6839178017228535,2.0098233333333333,379,14,71,1,5,122,65,96,0.068,0.85,0.08199999999999999,0.5166,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,3,0,9,6,0,3,1,18,16,6,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,6,1,11,2,9,8,3,12,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,9,48,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920345325209304,0.13071573246711304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809735193543502,0.0,0.1555371537084669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128297796577396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185831027898344,0.0,0.0,0.08227536431998196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621207959307275,0.0,0.1116418010171658,0.0,0.14951702862518013,0.0,0.0,0.7832468573568803,0.10657259856789088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450578717659744,0.09113965349612978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851528698588306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203343544149733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06232673376682577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071461321773293,0.08515734799052592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586328296486294,0.0,0.0970265873558992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844448839529223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218164936881395,0.0,0.0,0.12207210991821554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809394043914584,0.0,0.2523500070874025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333691597509076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439004761399415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524707998871526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,xx5uff3rxx,2020/01/14,"DAE have overdramatic anxiety attacks? When I have anxiety attacks, I go from being aggressive to acting like a martyr who’s completely innocent, back and forth. I’ll start knocking things over, throwing shit across my room, grinding my teeth, hitting things, etc. After I calm down from the aggression, I say and do the most dramatic shit. I’ll have a hard time breathing, but I exaggerate it. Like I’ll start fanning myself with my hand and I’ll be like, “My heart is broken,” “How am I supposed to live?”, “I can’t go on.” A lot of the time I’ll start talking like a little kid, aggressively folding me arms, and I’ll say shit like, “Hmmpf! Poor me!” The way I act during my anxiety attacks is fucking embarrassing. I feel so much guilt when it’s over and I feel like everyone saw me, everyone heard me, etc. If I know I’m gonna have an anxiety attack, I make sure I’m alone because I don’t wanna act like this in front of everyone else. Does anyone else deal with something similar?",3.0132581530021305,5.0210698808290175,4.5506004266991775,82.65787869551967,75.58031088082902,8.064492532764403,27.933252057299605,8.841846274778883,2.3366314538250528,769,32,150,17,17,257,111,193,0.254,0.599,0.146,-0.9616,0,1,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,0,5,22,11,2,9,0,12,9,8,2,1,18,28,11,0,2,2,0,4,7,0,1,0,3,1,1,6,7,0,0,3,0,1,7,2,13,0,0,2,8,23,9,16,22,5,25,0,0,1,1,7,8,4,3,16,83,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551958170905927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117594464094312,0.0,0.0,0.07123863844855201,0.10439069862515464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4636243743025296,0.0,0.0783413817796885,0.0,0.062106648646443226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682190118503578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503642154447172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915809431649381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021957202587354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22725191938960676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920593892850131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030297434231907,0.07278490447436524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418876333485499,0.0,0.0,0.11580438682015202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126674098665374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073129636691032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559919776339432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34842262753689024,0.10211306713416617,0.08996414635560479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661688922790799,0.0,0.0,0.06800738428354801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489538712527638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204216467354746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31374287905720816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843415417298785,0.0,0.0,0.2163389512875741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602308497593366,0.0,0.0,0.0818893236436932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353724603748015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881705276963707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086961527827663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fudgeycb,2020/01/14,"Why am I so envious and angry most of the time? Life has only gotten worse, way worse, the endless self comparison to my friends is slowly killing me, literally, killing me, they are thinner, Happier and absolutely all of them have found love ¿Whats up whit that? I know everyone gets dealt the cards they get dealt but why did I have to be  born with such a shitty attitude I mean I know my life isn't that bad, I usually get along just fine when I'm alone, only cry a few times and I don't know, it's still pretty crappy but it's okay, the problem begins when for example I see specifically one of my friends Instagram story, and it's this friend the one that's driving me crazy because everything comes just so fricking easy to her, it's not fair, she's social, fit, happy and functional, basically everything I'm not and I can't help myself but to think ¿why she? and not me, why is she so happy when I'm just so mad, why does everyone like her so much, why does she get to meet the nice guy and he falls in love with her, why does everyone hover around her as if she's this huge deal, she's kinda basic, kinda really basic and pretty two faced but hey so am i, I don't mean to sound mean, and I would like to cut her out of my life but I can't, because I am aware that she hasn't done anything wrong, and I haven't expressed any of this to her face nor to anyone else, because I still respect her and don't want her to feel bad, I have wanted to, but I guess it's some kind of progress that I haven't screamed in her face all that is wrong with her, or at least that I think it's wrong with her",1.7542966127555708,3.3143078820059024,3.3447767266809088,91.90274336283188,77.84955752212389,6.799755874275252,21.719153697487545,7.6298220110432995,0.6297168345031023,1248,34,288,18,29,413,157,339,0.12300000000000001,0.633,0.244,0.9946,0,1,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,3,1,16,26,5,0,8,1,24,8,3,0,2,55,50,31,2,5,14,0,1,2,3,1,3,2,0,2,16,20,0,0,10,0,0,3,13,12,0,3,4,4,50,14,30,44,7,22,0,0,1,2,35,8,0,7,12,177,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823425217196778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05406567931517281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05559128494182184,0.08146159442305817,0.06542529978357596,0.07077572084893796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276561041132132,0.14539532802186295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848595138862516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733178715354792,0.0,0.08196548623771077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087243580433188,0.08136054583874369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641567650116734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279094194283783,0.1429067533901724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04019978447691548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717240806463156,0.1842745737134876,0.0,0.1661509504343551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758299681663509,0.07872179886839112,0.0,0.1692677022347202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053290084991871815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759195511652721,0.0827915384015303,0.13108052249002186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846880528780564,0.07768361178872597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435115465784811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259810609894497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058444839727196135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774840032263898,0.1209332703609835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176899758368474,0.0,0.07607491861032509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05093251772012853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633546676220156,0.0,0.08294036862620406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104466510336615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698454146425406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018863450379192,0.0,0.0,0.09271924310056258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766419032631386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756280112886651,0.0,0.09378744235094012,0.06310684656497058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5021821218611721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204343479203356,0.05647760392031844,0.2607765536276159,0.0,0.0 bpd,starflux19,2020/01/14,"I'm feeling super lost I'm 17 and I just got out of inpatient care Saturday and I thought things were going fine but today I'm all over the place, arguing with people who are just trying to help, wishing I could go back to my old self harm, feeling alone and abandoned and I dont know what to do. I'm scared to talk to people because what if the leave me because I'm being to pushy or down ya know. Anyway any help would be appreciated please",1.5131182795698948,3.5276065483870984,3.2851612903225837,89.91440860215056,80.29032258064517,5.853763440860216,22.161290322580648,6.937597516519254,0.5819806451612912,351,11,75,4,9,117,64,93,0.214,0.563,0.223,-0.2263,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,2,4,8,1,1,2,0,8,0,0,0,1,21,24,7,0,4,5,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,5,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,4,2,7,3,11,16,1,10,0,2,0,0,7,4,0,2,4,44,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198401842462966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026963670920386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473003800284246,0.0,0.23355046183994704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953115869433884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294773525612104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22451080179723312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19372035590520847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21773971558910768,0.0,0.15321069855209066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568017307847101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105563980787799,0.0,0.0,0.20283791208236948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20911400911731606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20101349554154266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26561179267348106,0.0,0.20014291277851515,0.21027901631511406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19178831671495067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998423366971528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397135229128742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726616767283674,0.0,0.0,0.1520798900674114,0.0,0.0,0.18157964255919448,0.0,0.0,0.13005892984010756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202883811801559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360810968824997,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,frizlizard101,2020/01/14,"Had an emotional slip today In the dark place and cant feel my way out. Asking for help. Not quite to the point of hospitalization but I feel it coming closer. I'm so scared and tired of this.",0.3502500000000026,2.697223525000002,2.2800000000000007,92.965,88.75,5.2,13.0,6.742157984588678,-0.7009000000000003,151,2,34,2,5,50,35,40,0.20600000000000002,0.725,0.069,-0.8484,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,7,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,6,6,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277839598595398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256009381087392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343072517582458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005440308591813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992052588924033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105081934899296,0.0,0.2809477556434065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161061863710274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29754660271950706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415848741153853,0.2817085351805426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359015886308979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,princeEXmachina,2020/01/14,"DAE feel exhausted meeting new people who know nothing about mental health? so, like anyone else, i get lonely as shit. left to my own devices when the few friends i actually enjoy talking to are asleep or busy. ive tried r/r4r, r/MakeFriends and some other subs like that to see if i can find someone i click with enough to talk daily and maintain complete (or near) transparency with whatever's on our minds. i really hate those times where i meet someone who's funny, kind, and well rounded in terms of someone i like talking to, UNTIL we get on the topic of mental health, or my biggest trial, being transgender, and they're absolutely clueless. i don't mind explaining what i deal with, but people will often generalize and assume that the symptoms i describe are my 24/7, or when i reassure them im not that unstable, they're dumbfounded and don't generally reply with anything that'll make me less manic when i am having an episode, leaving me to isolate myself again. i guess this is semi-support too, because im wondering where the hell i can find new people without feeling like im copypasting explanations of my life and what i deal with since no one can be assed to pose prompts that make it more of a discussion rather than ""tell me about yourself"" and getting a text wall. its just too much. :(",8.65512048192771,7.378944522088357,8.37800200803213,71.95447289156628,61.610441767068274,11.030923694779117,38.420682730923694,9.928628108626363,3.7778538152610452,1042,44,185,17,12,335,161,249,0.12,0.7759999999999999,0.10400000000000001,-0.7235,0,2,0,0,0,0,32.0,2,0,1,0,15,14,3,0,7,0,15,8,3,2,0,41,28,20,0,2,10,0,3,4,1,2,5,0,0,0,14,14,0,0,8,0,0,0,5,5,1,1,0,5,27,9,26,24,8,18,1,1,3,1,17,9,3,10,13,124,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.10547230008113696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755733464714614,0.11074263359615172,0.08894215799684979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588569600089507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332176926468213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22285529455298514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028852160211867,0.0,0.0,0.11167744894723096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929886738654854,0.07721369924420883,0.0,0.0,0.197569715920922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350377353635277,0.0,0.16940492592785472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906434921156095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670845616009103,0.0,0.2297719167579451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.350240852997967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112550620534714,0.05939896125904012,0.0,0.0,0.1144430793039815,0.11743125236449338,0.0,0.07634141097819387,0.21121334090434832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429095577928916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21784217866411104,0.0,0.2182637269867739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945259993171289,0.0,0.0,0.20877225929937385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037074554424321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323906254236025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247910497175198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924000429843233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612724551687527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094447160659786,0.08940642784842152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747322165607329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226500089193226,0.0,0.11233843178312193,0.0,0.2606163044163677,0.09446830570455753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302339917797946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073380485280474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717856830325078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418705189890387,0.11721016194674615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Willing_Present,2020/01/14,"New book from Marsha Linehan Hey r/BPD Throw away because reasons. Just wanted to let you guys know that Marsha Linehan wrote a new book. It’s called “Building a Life Worth Living”. I was looking for helpful books and I just so happened to be on Amazon the day it was published, so I figured that something was telling me to get it. Thought someone may want to know that Best",2.2951027397260257,4.87888787671233,2.5166952054794542,93.27175513698631,81.1917808219178,3.65,28.30308219178082,3.1291,0.629604109589041,297,14,56,0,8,90,54,73,0.0,0.8370000000000001,0.163,0.872,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,1,0,12,15,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,5,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,5,1,8,7,1,6,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,1,3,34,11,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049872419240899,0.0,0.0,0.13300047040593094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22896639337812386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747900050569205,0.0,0.22278611951198832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070801601381328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399001708039165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160324493877011,0.19293580627391105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462414192048572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398119855626533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22310377759518266,0.1541069486678011,0.0,0.0,0.19265689013552487,0.0,0.18321620516386772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4214391040833581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22432532297692545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848631607774429,0.16796558224038247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19069889004415694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732105067050513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573763707655413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lonelycandle1,2020/01/14,"DAE Not gave any recollection of their trauma even if there is record of it? TW: Child Sexual Abuse I was looking for something in my bedroom and as I searched underneath my bed, I found a journal. I had no idea what was in it as most of the pages were blank I assumed I had drawn in it or whatever. So out of curiosity, I looked at what was inside. And I was mortified. I wrote about some of the sexual abuse I had endured. I was like 12 or 11. And I don’t even really remember what I was writing about specifically. I have loose memories here and there as the events were repeated throughout middle school. I don’t remember the perpetrators or what they but I could not have made it up. When I read the pages I thought to myself, “I feel bad for her.” It didn’t even feel like I wrote it because I don’t remember it. I am so detached from the memories, moreso than I thought. I rarely think about it. So I ask again, does anyone else go through this? Having proof a traumatic event occurred but still not being able to remember it or attach yourself to the situation? It feels like a different girl went through this and I can’t tell if I just grew up or what...I just feel really nervous thinking about how horrible it all was and how removed I am. I am not really interested in recollecting what happened by the way. I think it would really fuck me up to remember what was done to me. I have enough memory of enough abuse and I don’t want more. Could it be a coping mechanism my brain created? I don’t know...It’s making me question a lot right now and I feel so sick and sad. Hopefully someone relates.",1.961085526315792,4.168420761609909,3.763280766253872,86.05981279024769,79.77399380804954,7.876509287925698,24.95443111455109,8.751876143730069,1.9447802631578943,1258,48,262,31,32,422,162,323,0.177,0.775,0.048,-0.9927,1,0,1,0,3,0,35.0,0,0,2,0,22,10,1,1,13,0,34,3,1,4,2,63,59,28,0,7,15,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,2,2,21,10,0,0,21,1,0,4,12,5,0,0,23,7,44,5,35,31,9,24,0,1,2,1,12,12,1,13,10,195,65,2,0.09553988906707604,0.3395974372386356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497040076800681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680371184876663,0.09789190673096053,0.0,0.0,0.08931689934071156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977181666717613,0.058240229606099626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106654113137232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525616545370639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998188494462704,0.0,0.0,0.08360760075454916,0.09777047725660433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798113179047428,0.0,0.0,0.19743648965693067,0.0,0.18930958701195008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24153919282391514,0.1365074316785832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475455704265828,0.0,0.08832508793324959,0.0,0.0,0.054297520674426863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448560837668627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489266711937266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785290560146292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05250622444731125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002789167591315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045888896083296,0.0,0.0,0.08122459714606348,0.0,0.09040215309314306,0.0637736178316702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702654108591203,0.0,0.09556574351790774,0.0,0.24482119750018216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5411403496234799,0.08159054324219793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669146836712453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739083827582674,0.0,0.0,0.08095063796787494,0.07355127426049958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629827882287278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350607413569551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836543095476282,0.0,0.15169600002018033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056351901924932266,0.07583511692565786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088566434338369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786879601991945,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hopemakermachine,2020/01/14,"I feel like no one care that I'm going to commit suicide I keep crying out for help, but it feels like no one listens. I wish people would pay attention to me. I feel like people would care more about my suicide if I wasn't trans.",1.9970408163265283,3.383360489795919,3.3956632653061227,92.53594387755103,76.75510204081633,5.716326530612244,20.413265306122447,5.985473137389443,-0.042514285714285734,180,4,40,1,4,59,34,49,0.256,0.42,0.325,0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,12,13,2,2,4,2,0,3,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,1,4,7,5,5,10,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,24,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863588365687515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20812618842118374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874083374873517,0.4060766860930456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768135227712136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699914465850512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841149484208676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776994703420821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567823767101238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627121739224096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41450341679739466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21788354698855664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691910658928877,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,zipzapzip2233,2020/01/14,"Constant nightmares and sleep paralysis Nightmares are one thing, I'm used to just shaking those off. They come and go. But this fucking sleep paralysis. Just woke up from the latest episode. Was floating like ghost around my room with my newborn daughter laying in the bed screaming and I couldn't do anything about it said couldn't make any noise and had no control of my movement. At times everything seemed so real I was wondering if it even was a dream or did I just finally end up in full blown psychosis. I felt like I was suffocating. I could only take very shallow breaths. Ended in a straight up anxiety attack which didn't really leave after waking up. Who/what can I get angry at over this? I have this overwhelming urge to beat whoever/whatever responsible to a bloody pulp. I'm so angry these dreams torment me on a weekly basis at least. It's all so tiresome. I'm exhausted of being me. I don't recall my wife of several years ever really having a nightmare, and definitely no sleep paralysis and she sleeps like a rock and falls asleep every night in 5 seconds. The envy is real. Anyone else have this shit? How do you deal with them? Any tips/tricks to snap yourself out of it? Mine seem to only work sometimes. Anyway, rant over. Thanks for listening.",2.8110542492700152,5.5749331452282185,3.657086214845553,84.74116028891964,80.6182572614108,6.557922237590287,25.108498540033807,7.793537801064563,1.7056305824496687,1012,39,181,18,27,322,159,241,0.15,0.7559999999999999,0.094,-0.9342,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,2,3,12,11,3,2,9,0,20,10,8,4,2,33,38,14,1,4,6,2,1,3,0,0,1,3,2,1,12,12,0,1,4,3,0,5,6,7,0,2,10,4,20,4,32,24,3,36,0,1,0,1,10,20,2,5,14,120,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675212318422385,0.0,0.09422560409283186,0.0,0.0,0.08612414244218501,0.12620341424022216,0.10135937393388647,0.10964845065591493,0.0,0.14012498175739474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610105232961024,0.0,0.13310427200999933,0.13814693500737474,0.09834215272581516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269840626901727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289370338114658,0.0,0.21818618610762214,0.0,0.0,0.08135339282942068,0.11141537042730223,0.10377701884363867,0.0,0.11069830098194222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826363422071855,0.13492799070157732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386975729137044,0.06435185001159943,0.0,0.0700010115516981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042047922570688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18052562881351109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221770907913464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558779451157553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346396910069713,0.1873544425797776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28039150274584873,0.1578132045574447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716398383063033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242608052662132,0.0,0.13914835717491533,0.12643343085816394,0.0,0.0,0.4930404709804049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181943166629534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926093872414813,0.0,0.0,0.11339946016665713,0.0,0.0,0.08182944897584178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718220968293986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638033962943512,0.0,0.10162911065523357,0.0,0.0,0.098800478995098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335738743153997,0.08967007508352771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931819193652521 bpd,birdful,2020/01/14,"i don’t know how to handle or categorize this symptom i have and i’m afraid CW: self-injury hello all, i’ve reached a point (again) where i think that i might be having psychotic symptoms and i don’t know how to help myself, so here i am. some days, i feel a certain way. sometimes something triggers it, and the trigger can be as minimal as being frustrated with my instrument or being uncomfortable with my physical appearance. other times it hits me out of nowhere. basically my mind shuts down to everything, i gaze off into space, and i can not force myself to function. sometimes it’s just this alone, and i can just lay there on my floor and stare at the wall for so. long. unconcerned, unable to move. i try to snap myself out, only to fall back into the haze. time flies by in a distorted way. the thought of living my own life or doing anything at all is absolutely overwhelming. if others attempt to engage with me/i’m in public, i can’t explain what is wrong with me and often become very frustrated and embarrassed. other times, i can’t do anything except for breathe and cry. i can’t even understand what is happening to me or why i feel such intense pain, it just lasts for hours and i want to start screaming. my head is full of fog. i often snap and start hitting myself as hard as i can, with my hands or whatever i’m holding/whatever nearby object i can utilize. i have been clean for years, but the craving to cut myself comes back with such force it’s blinding. i was almost unable to resist the urge today. the emotional pain is debilitating and i feel trapped in my own body, screaming to be released. being in states like this force me into isolation. i have to cancel plans. i have no idea what to tell my friends. i get nothing done, and become extremely hateful and angry with myself for wasting all of this time. i feel like such a failure. there’s nothing even wrong with my body and i just can’t fucking force it to do anything. i feel immensely regretful of my own existence and whole heartedly wish that i would die. after doing some research, i think this may be some level of catatonia. i have a vague understanding of what that means, and i’d really appreciate if anyone w a better grasp on this type of thing could give me some input. my mental health is spiraling out of control this past year and i am so desperate to get out of this hell, but i feel so empty and exhausted with trying at this point",3.460493453145056,5.486595044210528,4.603661103979462,82.69143260590502,74.34736842105264,7.581514762516048,26.53273427471117,8.407314429234152,1.934452118100128,1926,71,362,35,41,631,229,475,0.192,0.74,0.068,-0.9965,0,3,1,0,0,1,53.0,0,0,0,4,24,23,6,3,13,0,43,15,6,5,4,94,74,38,1,7,15,0,8,2,1,3,8,2,1,0,26,36,0,1,18,0,0,4,8,17,0,0,4,12,56,6,66,57,12,52,1,2,2,1,7,27,2,17,20,270,82,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153134040587,0.0946705335824019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391420250511863,0.0,0.2256615869035099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405733475160094,0.0,0.0,0.20190465653459125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084244637113842,0.0,0.20306610353715407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873940979038738,0.0,0.0,0.10252120867792766,0.07298139738606367,0.0,0.10040677302399582,0.058950232357807913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948664841153821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354153997531316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282105905761706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074749486808688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215110682445395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773100677642475,0.06530148842260547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062115601509653,0.08450469891894713,0.0955132221137978,0.0876863389004802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083129115310335,0.0,0.08188310574767542,0.09024591598044593,0.09381039733658393,0.0971618269094534,0.0,0.10831824825334023,0.06126847557580235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001790891195206,0.0,0.0,0.1031878657428916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004702693677229,0.07450925790919281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456377318992128,0.08931410922395093,0.0,0.0807144380296495,0.08089270180973966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956949157980173,0.0,0.0,0.09211719323923298,0.09696884145079572,0.09229545003291978,0.0,0.0,0.09715163541157733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541579453388995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951947179802727,0.1945279068999428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725873779631659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728191394185223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058557942221818274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535788787347048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703699077116758,0.18080857710263504,0.0,0.12939730314399406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19001464440390475,0.0,0.0,0.0798941254162486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072703686118161,0.11714038443390848,0.0,0.07256729151858718,0.21320163712180865,0.0,0.08664355852435952,0.0,0.0,0.12411929377538387,0.0,0.0,0.19031672288654272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754207052127591,0.05391447228759345,0.1451099313510776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824809907952691,0.10205313463334736,0.1051140368931891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493321781903065,0.1998793572839735,0.0,0.11772677992524865 bpd,throwawaylolzxc,2020/01/14,"Does anyone else kind of enjoy/feel empowered by certain traits and stereotypes that are linked to BPD Such as being charming, good in bed, “one of the best and worst relationships you’ll have”, just the general intensity that comes with bpd that others are very aware of.",24.12081632653061,9.874708020408164,19.41387755102041,43.148979591836756,50.42857142857143,22.865306122448978,63.28571428571429,14.554592549557764,8.214330612244899,219,7,38,4,1,66,41,49,0.069,0.711,0.22,0.836,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,8,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,8,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17744846633056555,0.2600269990222769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663258371415916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6392525737527622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21860849325248446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22208407462536675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21200013541282425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831849650018454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21285813125650885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642722061537981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17196749820438229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724641154149321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093945937681375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,IcyDiscipline0,2020/01/14,"Does anyone else miss their EX even after you have a new boyfriend? I was diagnosed borderline, my ex and I were doing long distance but we kept arguing and I was getting too hurt by what he was doing so I cut it off and broke up with him. I quickly moved onto a new guy and Im infatuated with him but I also catch myself thinking about my ex even though we broke up 3 months ago. After reading countless threads on here I feel like I was misdiagnosed because a lot of you seem to forget all your past relationships/ fp. But I still think about my ex. &#x200B; Is this normal for someone with bpd or do you think I could get misdiagnosed?",2.149092548076922,4.4839601953125054,3.645312500000003,86.46459134615385,79.859375,6.125961538461539,23.90865384615385,7.321109707123232,1.0476050480769232,507,18,102,7,13,167,88,128,0.179,0.787,0.034,-0.9641,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,2,4,1,0,11,7,2,0,3,0,11,1,0,0,1,24,20,11,0,2,4,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,9,0,1,5,1,0,2,0,6,0,0,6,1,23,1,16,13,2,17,0,4,0,0,17,5,0,3,11,75,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536074743171792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113688612599753,0.0,0.17767516008674913,0.19925689918730186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146604992990734,0.1680196293361727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996231678032652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065304389505564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092682276932086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16643896353740353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435023441424413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369864833467909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21661802084721865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291456771798109,0.11714925594055503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713483593314691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236862978463742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554684539052046,0.0,0.17712942880307386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011365202632423,0.0,0.0,0.14511950733349122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941220639382298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088940687250208,0.1742876322851854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31675097913126626,0.0,0.0,0.16066820489436928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654001852141258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640270512581225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605602438038784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928366875930255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894198856775705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095677625362415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31522043084715834,0.16111214581551794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19925689918730186,0.0 bpd,Beersz,2020/01/14,"Any of you guys participate in nofap? Do you find that it makes your bpd symptoms worse, especially if your going through an obsession or romance heartbreak?",7.648888888888887,9.882394814814816,7.1564814814814826,67.7991666666667,63.814814814814824,9.844444444444443,39.425925925925924,10.125756701596842,4.5936814814814815,128,7,19,3,2,40,25,27,0.264,0.636,0.1,-0.7149,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,3,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,2,0,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617088289947676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4847007168694515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517427451078509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21871714480820773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810585580199403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25688803895611656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40000288700442405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921914799081401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,insanehippo,2020/01/14,"My 2 year old has gotten used to my breakdowns. I am a stay at home mom of 2. My children are my whole world. But there are sometimes when I get overwhelmed and just want to walk away from it all. Today was just like any other day. My husband left for work and let me and the kids sleep in because I wasn’t feeling well (physically) all weekend. I finally get out of bed and realize that the house is completely trashed. The kitchen is a mess. Toys are all over the couch and the floor. Nothing has been touched. I went to bed early the night before. And my husband stayed up late, per usual. But this morning he got up early, got in the shower, got himself ready and left. And I was left to deal with the mess that was left behind. I texted him almost immediately telling him how frustrated I was. And how much I hate that I have to ask him simple things like “help me clean up after the kids”. He read it but never responded. Cool, he’s at work. I get it. He ends up calling me on his break maybe two hours later. And the sound of his voice made me breakdown in hysteria. I was crying, screaming, hitting myself. Kept saying things like “I can’t do this” “I don’t know what to do” “I just want to go away”. Another ten minutes go by of him trying his best to calm me down. Out of frustration he says something like “why are you like this, why are you doing this right now?”. So I freak out and hang up. I sit there for another minute or so crying when I realize my kids are nowhere to be found. I get up and immediately go into the bedroom. My youngest is in her rocker where I left her and my 2 year old is right next to the baby in the bed, covered with blankets. He’s rocking the baby and trying to sing to him. My heart just broke. My worst nightmare has come to fruition and it seems that my children have developed their own coping methods when I go through my downs. How do I break this cycle before it gets worse? Sorry for formatting and any typos. Currently home alone with the kids on mobile.",1.831690149784208,3.916386547029706,2.9663366336633663,92.24588855039353,79.56930693069306,5.727748159431329,22.48768723026149,6.788186056548923,0.5092234831175421,1551,49,332,16,39,497,200,404,0.122,0.799,0.079,-0.976,2,1,2,0,0,0,46.0,0,2,1,3,17,19,3,1,17,1,31,3,2,5,4,51,58,28,0,2,8,3,2,5,0,0,0,5,10,6,18,24,1,1,6,5,0,8,4,10,1,2,15,8,55,9,53,40,8,71,0,2,0,0,37,34,0,3,29,222,73,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382830753208581,0.08670331460439637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385790731360605,0.17556459250842668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826206338934209,0.0,0.15730567301893214,0.0,0.0,0.05103178205789802,0.0,0.14247030526149232,0.0,0.0878535470573366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548219913629433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211291159437909,0.08777340428265491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18391361494406944,0.05398913842259565,0.08630631163038865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414648961734523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042328732321274015,0.0,0.0,0.0917055019854372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917889877963789,0.0,0.0,0.2186877118053868,0.0,0.19030826355474129,0.0,0.2008631860331767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265106098936181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920247409963093,0.05611228448983872,0.0,0.1679455960911507,0.0,0.08244224238611139,0.09659567159647277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04600748006662453,0.0,0.09443397220098138,0.0,0.4547820271466385,0.08560408335235027,0.0,0.2044941814951152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921299427244767,0.0,0.0,0.08410279663517485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804579462305983,0.0,0.0,0.061540030837550115,0.0,0.06456603611040619,0.0,0.08903166916600427,0.07856069496000938,0.0,0.08032663514468248,0.0,0.17568925900394333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373748229344344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298401118546664,0.0,0.1331467823821157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621083518571971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377528571961802,0.0,0.0,0.06444776443239486,0.08279610534812246,0.09371189596892117,0.0,0.17845773579878446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317044944062473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123282361950368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935186830486414,0.0,0.0,0.11367374587907728,0.0,0.08177722259080285,0.0,0.0,0.07230273271226148,0.0922000557593321,0.0,0.09875434891074003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526968400368234,0.07760448414041662,0.15107922229211754,0.09346461569035387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189078345936748,0.0,0.08531256155951042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781920890238632 bpd,treefrog147,2020/01/14,"I don’t ever feel a part of anything No matter who I try to spend time with, any type of person or any environment, I don’t feel like I’m being involved. It sucks so badly, right now I’m trying to chill with people from work and I just feel like I’m an extra piece. I’m not involved, they’re just putting up with me being there. But anytime I’m alone I feel so lonely? I want to spend time with people and I want to try. There seems to be no way out of this.",0.06264705882352928,1.7626695784313782,2.2703529411764727,96.95258823529413,83.6078431372549,4.472156862745098,16.08235294117647,4.935628992294339,-0.9739717647058824,355,6,86,1,10,120,59,102,0.157,0.75,0.09300000000000001,-0.8140000000000001,0,3,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,8,5,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,21,18,6,0,2,5,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,5,0,2,1,5,3,0,0,0,4,8,2,15,15,3,9,0,1,0,0,4,3,1,2,6,51,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20048079902957372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26326933795111745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929213853826132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162339398302644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750957206284021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915005148948555,0.276573799288652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18913766833527984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096181333582409,0.0,0.26839500967233554,0.16901841128720171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19459195179060748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530826382883376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762194352367875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257451867395981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942652626344905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22834595041267985,0.15364735933947685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092172700532288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hxlyn,2020/01/14,"UK borderline bitchessss Is there any group chats that I can join on here or insta or anything 😅✌️ Hardcore need a borderline buddy to rant to n check up on",13.053636363636365,5.752951939393943,12.29818181818182,65.66727272727273,59.90909090909091,16.83636363636364,48.15151515151516,13.023866798666859,5.691387878787879,126,5,27,3,1,42,29,33,0.078,0.85,0.07200000000000001,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,0,14,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5231901678608988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6331164984828478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5704695851686598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ouin1,2020/01/14,What are your symptoms? Just trying to gain some 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bpd,VirgiliusMaro,2020/01/14,"going to mix klonopin and wine yes this is a stupid attention post i can't explain what just happened but i went from actually doing more ok than in days to absolutely 1000000 fucking want to die. i rarely feel suicidal. but this time i want to be done. i want to die. i cut the fuck out of my arm and it is probably deeper than i thought. just got klonopin today wasn't expecting to use it tonight. want to die. don't tell me to call crisis. i fucking hate them. i have tried before. i can't connect. if i can't connect, i can't talk to them. i want to be done. i try for months and this is what i get. this.",-0.9804858299595124,1.1328240769230788,1.2384210526315798,98.37026315789477,96.69230769230772,4.582995951417004,19.91902834008097,6.339386263674448,0.04092307692307662,470,17,112,6,19,156,75,130,0.251,0.608,0.141,-0.9738,0,0,1,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,2,0,2,7,6,0,2,2,15,5,1,1,0,20,33,6,4,7,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,4,1,0,4,1,0,2,6,6,0,0,6,1,19,1,17,25,1,10,0,0,0,3,6,2,3,1,5,70,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.14189634345844093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373072284318935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484768951669805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937755430571722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4527288041129969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976038722407968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352219309889681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032795316517955,0.07596920244942319,0.0,0.08263819948108421,0.0,0.1162953321154911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858300842457493,0.0,0.0,0.14355939648196062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606255102736596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925979685268733,0.0,0.1567734350795551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905175463779847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687271006664444,0.1270922047009406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543698638945765,0.08478804282069846,0.0,0.13782891819172854,0.0,0.0,0.19744373706641874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255850384486264,0.0,0.0,0.4288243417534461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479382810253407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GlassesMorty,2020/01/14,"So i was about to off myself and someone I barely know reached out to me, they talked me out of it and have been very supportive these past few days How do i stop myself from falling in love with them and eventually drive them away?",8.759148936170213,5.959153957446812,7.885638297872344,80.38250000000002,62.61702127659576,11.102127659574473,34.138297872340424,8.841846274778883,2.4744127659574464,184,5,40,2,2,57,38,47,0.075,0.7709999999999999,0.154,0.6142,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,9,7,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,10,2,11,5,1,10,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463636573128648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377520795066324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20260323424835333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33272567430065897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.351923063513599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31236031993153285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082122202507764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4183455057282209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963110524348518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30417911490751204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,avacadomonster101,2020/01/14,"Am I in the wrong??? I posted this on gaybros but I wanted peoples imput on here because this is my reddit home :) I am very very broke and my family has no money. I had a college fund as a child, but my mother got very sick and is disabled from a rare tick borne illness. All of my college fund went twoards her treatment which was fine. However after the fact, my parents got a large sum of money and told me they would help with college. In reality, my father bought a sports car. Im 19 btw about to start my first semester of school... go me :) anyways, so I've been hurt by this for awhile...cause like I am going to a community college and am so fucking broke man it isn't good :( This all happened a year ago. So today, I almost got in an accident because my brakes are absolute shit on my old car, and I got an oilchange and they were like you need new tires. I texting him telling him about all of this and he goes we will discuss it when you get home. He then asked me how much money I have in my account [$130] and that he would pay for my car insurence this month presuming I paid him back. The tires are $500... my mother was furious he didn't offer to help me out, but won't say anything because she doesn't want to lose the marriage. I was so upset about this all because I'm dead broke, have no money for books [fuckkk] and my father won't catch me a fucking break. He used the money that could of been used for my school on a brand new sports car. I did the math, my whole education will be only 63% of the cost of his brand new car and karma... he totaled it a year later. So he bought a fucking camry that he hates, and told me and my mother that he want's to buy a lexus from a priest he knows for $10,000 and he fucking works in the hood so wtf... is he trying to get mugged? I'm not being a spoiled brat about everything... my parents have only me (no siblings) and I feel like it isn't fair that he buys cars instead of helping me out with my education... like he promised he would and he never did. He didn't even offer to give me a loan like nothing to help me advance in life. I just want to reiterate that im not being a spoiled brat and it just really stings that he spent my college money on cars, and his failure to help me out with my car... please gimme feedback and sorry it was soo long",1.9478195876288675,3.37503751134021,3.420399484536084,92.13596005154642,76.97938144329899,6.004639175257733,23.2590206185567,6.508806274219699,0.4445474226804121,1783,54,402,14,40,587,216,485,0.149,0.747,0.10400000000000001,-0.9803,3,0,0,0,0,0,71.0,1,2,2,4,19,22,7,1,26,0,39,10,1,3,7,56,74,31,1,9,7,7,1,5,0,7,5,1,2,2,21,25,0,1,3,3,18,13,13,14,0,1,23,2,58,8,49,40,7,48,2,5,0,4,54,14,5,1,24,244,79,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464083391524448,0.0,0.08431709049308801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929185260256811,0.0,0.07871839090213296,0.0,0.0,0.0647468703662923,0.0,0.20531734505804689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649962355731944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722920324805069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055615253783354635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756761812676416,0.0,0.07937904659762653,0.0,0.0425755411109128,0.06015460370455866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162298554053033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31137707868126346,0.0879851311752344,0.08077514149028264,0.09570895293088057,0.07062543877367305,0.2693791621166776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446038985781397,0.0,0.0,0.08313297970524297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821973095002977,0.0,0.1689248469929215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901409986027621,0.0,0.18190726878317487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046275738761059074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947503316886513,0.20568653852201388,0.0,0.0,0.07451696029445222,0.0,0.09420156182996174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720999067664071,0.0,0.06189885614821776,0.06243541987055934,0.06494250533946871,0.2439711990019915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079500068526475,0.0,0.08835683068293529,0.0,0.0,0.12808027433300934,0.0,0.0,0.18699482059029496,0.0,0.0,0.058375722807605016,0.0,0.0,0.09242955250678156,0.0,0.0,0.08064314945044694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05394256537173391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696156483106445,0.0,0.1704357598619678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643311728400455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942583077878081,0.059599280805757736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359708896119195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935578066107684,0.07981455021140584,0.16091905272127846,0.0,0.05716827525299775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544862556515026,0.0,0.20842875451004209,0.1986603241513797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805697746471145,0.0,0.094009585676639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061300749840876335,0.0,0.0,0.17944607754821496,0.09206270650622007,0.0,0.10844787711401703 bpd,mariaj97,2020/01/14,"Waiting for my BPD assessment... But I’m barely holding on because of my depression TLDR; How did you hold up before being officially diagnosed? It’s been 2 weeks since my therapist referred me to multiple psychiatrists. I’ve learned, on my own, that I have all the symptoms for BPD. I’m scared about telling my therapist because I fear he’ll diminish or dismiss it. Hope that makes sense.... but I will anyway this Wednesday. When I first realized that I matched up with the symptoms, my core shook. I cried. But I let myself. On one side, I have been desperate for the past months because I KNEW there’s something wrong with me. So when I saw this, I felt a kind of relief like “Oh my god. Yes. Finally. I’m closer to this endless agony.” But then I saw there’s no “cure”. And I immediately got depressed. I NEED these doctors to call me back. I’ve been expecting a call for a week now. Ughhhhhh. I can barely function; I have a family to take care of. This has been and still is taking everything I have in me. Please, please, please, tell me something. I just want to be okay again, I’ll settle for that instead of happiness. I’m not trying to ever self-diagnose which is why I’m waiting for this assessment. I’ve been depressed my whole life, my doctors failed me, my parents ignored me, I don’t think I can hold on much longer. Everything kind of just exploded in my face when I had my daughter, all the trauma just surfaced without me even knowing, and these symptoms get worse with time. Finally decided to get help during the holidays because I would ruin every holiday event on my own. I’ve only been to a couple sessions with my therapist and they do help a bit; I get better control and actually understand the way I’m feeling. Other than that, I can’t stand being around people because I’m afraid of any interaction. Being married and letting his mom and sister stay with us (for now 3 years) is already so difficult - I have to put a face in my own home, for my own family.",3.749299824956239,5.4701067906976775,5.103515878969745,80.7080570142536,72.82428940568475,8.301041927148454,30.054930399266485,8.933256019334266,2.598633975160457,1556,68,295,32,31,519,201,387,0.142,0.722,0.13699999999999998,-0.6251,1,0,2,0,0,0,59.0,1,1,1,4,22,22,0,4,13,2,30,9,2,3,3,50,59,19,0,5,10,4,2,1,0,3,7,0,1,0,16,13,0,7,10,2,0,2,5,13,0,2,13,4,54,9,42,37,9,40,0,5,2,0,16,14,0,2,22,200,70,5,0.0,0.0,0.0804532230017836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097874592261183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606458802647103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339243087173519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339416713712824,0.0,0.2512847728223448,0.0,0.07015357263233858,0.0,0.0,0.07291481134348908,0.0900072397708058,0.0,0.20767007450072905,0.0,0.1683686057911725,0.0,0.08405691406985938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246769395299163,0.0,0.0912224590211365,0.0905606057372715,0.0,0.0,0.2130260846605201,0.167357374212096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687693759730848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05445332992575474,0.07457510638061572,0.0694624286617373,0.0,0.14819028182953106,0.0,0.15544129063620687,0.09277215752974284,0.04168604526936364,0.0,0.0791589443103184,0.18062623176141426,0.0,0.07012662527979584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922039504959862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593781108598057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776292198842063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052063707729892,0.0,0.08269781939497563,0.08188526199457356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170499109060222,0.04530893772650859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860867303011393,0.058232470108024924,0.040277859693154484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05503185402006695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655714237096218,0.0658058274961496,0.0,0.06060565414293834,0.06113100787975076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05586602953220217,0.0627021991341154,0.0,0.0,0.09154404562888298,0.0,0.07870190339466104,0.057156126736012586,0.0,0.0,0.2714954931509112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287875599423569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254059224035867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600682830016358,0.0,0.0,0.06819833522117683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693847787583526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787408510976595,0.06583969805892907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25707192021882963,0.12397490362217935,0.0,0.1441189707554068,0.0,0.0,0.2871707001860602,0.0,0.05282663634701398,0.0,0.0,0.04807362297490298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055973905392292786,0.0,0.0,0.08582686798637966,0.0991696995166082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04862746925651065,0.06544002404353189,0.13226283237684566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439267554634757,0.09204552055043684,0.0,0.07947284845284243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401724096584251,0.05856568596977293,0.0901393159288528,0.0,0.053091082306673885 bpd,LiteralHatCS,2020/01/14,"DAE have fictional relationships with people / fictional characters? I've always had them; not as much in the past year but I get into these extensive romantic fantasies with characters from video games, movies, my own OCs, etc. and I often feel legitimate connection with them (until they get boring...) Maybe I'm just really, really lonely.",6.828421052631576,9.765212192982457,7.280561403508773,63.169263157894754,67.42105263157895,12.279298245614035,28.94385964912281,11.602472056035307,4.860729122807016,273,10,38,11,5,89,47,57,0.07,0.8690000000000001,0.061,-0.1424,0,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,6,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,6,0,8,5,3,5,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709014319016371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630980996965322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461864942511353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401951704107892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270801660176145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393323921247171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107946786580034,0.225710170606372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4171386681798229,0.0,0.0,0.3495417723846996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20965726562373935 bpd,marskiniai,2020/01/14,"How do i deal with not being able to hug my fp She lives in another country and i cant hug her. Sometimes it feels like its the only thing i want in the world. I have no motivation, i dont want to do anything. I just want to put my head on her shoulder. What is this? How do i deal with this? Would it be weird if i told her about it? (she knows that she is my fp)",-1.731325301204819,0.04505592771084643,1.010855421686749,102.59845180722893,92.13253012048193,4.283855421686749,15.528915662650606,5.6839178017228535,-1.0382038554216866,274,6,75,2,10,94,51,83,0.047,0.767,0.18600000000000005,0.8638,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,11,4,2,3,0,15,17,4,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,1,17,3,9,13,0,5,0,0,0,2,9,4,0,1,1,55,26,1,0.2288216112358257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23993941070458397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18830068918225065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4718100673218079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268177224193952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156990819609721,0.16347020478759364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348369881643969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575437333309605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179068102379272,0.0,0.20205367492748946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17402914644155104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300289202451097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22631042446568075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201891092584416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21864885547055374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4048947446112268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625483074091751,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,anonymousbitch3232,2020/01/15,"Paranoia about being cheated on I have BPD and very bad self esteem issues, I am constantly worrying that my boyfriend is cheating on me. He doesn’t really act like he is, but worry little tiny thing to me is an indicator. I found a receipt from Wendy’s one day and I found myself looking at it to see if he ordered food for two people.....I checked his GPS in the car and looked up every address in his recents to see where he’s been......that’s how bad it is. It is literally all I think about. I wish I could stop it and just chill out and not think about it. He is in a motorcycle club so he travels a lot and that makes it even worse because I’m constantly worrying about what he’s doing when he’s gone. I need to get my mind off of it and stop thinking about it and start doing stuff that keeps me and my mind busy. What kind of hobbies do you like to do that keeps your mind off of overthinking?",3.3335164835164868,4.003538656084661,4.564656084656086,88.23084249084248,72.49206349206351,7.720146520146519,26.178673178673183,7.882392219407189,1.2533439967439972,702,22,158,9,13,232,110,189,0.163,0.7909999999999999,0.046,-0.9675,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,0,11,7,2,0,5,0,15,1,0,2,1,33,33,14,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,16,10,1,4,5,2,1,4,2,4,0,2,3,4,19,3,25,28,2,25,0,0,4,0,13,12,0,2,10,102,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045268556720096,0.07466102398450684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425586913820874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647088962668247,0.0,0.09778815627569942,0.0,0.0,0.07898772482801092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089510012803931,0.0,0.10319240585267372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810003473675826,0.2685800708117119,0.0,0.0,0.06398933306971183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278344783686894,0.0,0.2177268996662552,0.0,0.12754125841061542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967244233781135,0.12275442840002845,0.0,0.0,0.20570016701955748,0.0,0.0,0.10412581881406288,0.0,0.0,0.08175454737579588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710014694681072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081536446169608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299378676979703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846209322190939,0.0,0.12093155586905285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19519709841625035,0.0,0.12777053297793128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669006181508952,0.0,0.0,0.2047930103687651,0.0,0.0,0.14020720361710454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136847448025658,0.23543552116349215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964252336536516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105659759780243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084284810424366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37314492351018347,0.12481483005135492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mhthrowaway7382,2020/01/15,"I have a doctors appointment and I don’t know how to bring up BPD bc I’m scared that they’ll say I’m ‘too normal’ and just overthinking things I’ve been holding onto this and going through periods of either dismissing myself or being overly fixated on the idea for about a year now. I know that what I feel and what I do it isn’t a normal thing for people to go through and I know I’m BPD to some extent. I hate self diagnosing so I hate that I’m doing this and telling myself that ‘oh yeah I’m def BPD’ when I don’t have a diagnosis but I just know. I have a doctors appointment and for days now I’ve been stressing about how to bring it up with my doctor and worrying that they’ll dismiss me as ‘too normal’ for BPD, even though I know that they wouldn’t do that. Now that it’s the day of the appointment though, I’m just hollowly resigned bc I know that even though I NEED to talk about this I won’t bc the fear of not being taken seriously and just being dismissed as ‘overdramatic’ or ‘overthinking things’ will always hold me back. I don’t know what to do, I know that right now I just won’t say anything but I know I need to bring it up sooner or later and get the help that I need so I can stop with the reckless and impulsive behaviours, so I can stop having these emotional outbursts, so I can stop feeling so empty all the time, so I can stop distancing myself from everyone, so I can keep my relationship with my partner, so I can stop with this fear or abandonment, so I can stop reaching out to people that aren’t in my life anymore, so I can stop hurting myself, so I can eat again without hating myself, so I can just have a life.",6.440888355342139,4.932208492711375,7.175033441948212,79.55763162407824,66.1137026239067,10.519567827130851,31.83827816841022,9.478462496947786,2.535881975647402,1295,40,279,21,17,433,136,343,0.18100000000000002,0.769,0.05,-0.9929,1,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,3,0,37,11,3,4,13,1,35,7,0,2,1,65,66,37,0,7,15,0,2,0,1,6,6,2,0,2,27,16,1,11,12,0,0,5,10,11,0,0,3,4,45,0,36,54,4,34,0,3,0,0,11,9,0,5,20,209,72,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645193191935622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689863889453366,0.0,0.0,0.06380864265654053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059623314418050063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906346184939485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001350329902048,0.0,0.0,0.07870125749300197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380957907219185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934256586571843,0.0,0.08722183033012018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242860369945904,0.0,0.0,0.07409259491598948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745076484930156,0.07841289810035758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040511341401494726,0.0,0.08813530230784844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22966347683372595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05197328864569657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300795190940229,0.08753298789609157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892093057962838,0.0,0.0,0.38352458054298905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953729755862693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17248432157595125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22791760106380105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751265831532056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324871901068608,0.0,0.06621855938165816,0.0,0.12332551090919472,0.07763085951982909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089091469168559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4537871714849223,0.08882157067370977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062323548298139214,0.06777319661261692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454197867935354,0.0,0.22854735820728056,0.0,0.045214076740645696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474559324601797,0.0,0.0,0.07874542346033007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04993308432175087 bpd,Ambient-Fruit,2020/01/15,"DAE feel like they shoudn't be in a relationship? I always have this feeling of shame and guilt when i'm with someone,like i 'm ruining their life by being with them.I have a feeling they would be happier if i didn't exist or if they went with someone more functional and normal,and not a monster like me.I just want to break up and yell ""get away from me,save yourself "".I have a feeling i shouldn't even be allowed to enter a relationship due to my illness.",4.642056737588653,5.079430936170219,5.709361702127662,82.03333333333335,69.42553191489364,8.394326241134753,31.624113475177303,8.344100000000001,2.2691475177304965,364,15,74,5,6,121,62,94,0.109,0.7290000000000001,0.161,0.397,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,4,0,3,5,0,2,5,0,10,2,0,1,0,19,18,7,0,5,5,0,4,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,5,10,2,12,10,1,8,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,3,4,49,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20584868461206807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23243148511936546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16339906869544524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5003522086819949,0.1767357973651879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292513071061698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473920137593393,0.24172496968985074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423901293717872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5312095514392627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209613137871638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591730570681175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293334392143428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757390880965148,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,xxkittensrevengexx,2020/01/15,feeling suicidal 6 months after breakup My ex aka also my fp left me almost 6 months ago. Ever since then ive felt worthless ugly and nothing without him. Im highly considering suicide becausr life is pointless without him.. this obsession i have is so unhealthy and idk what to do,3.1596855345911976,6.033205377358493,4.55311320754717,78.15218553459121,80.13207547169812,5.79748427672956,33.361635220125784,7.1686216300943375,2.7191031446540883,227,13,35,3,6,75,44,53,0.369,0.608,0.023,-0.9743,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,8,7,5,2,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,7,0,4,6,0,8,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,6,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19324156457196492,0.0,0.21829293206372544,0.0,0.0,0.17433246248260484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19719115203270207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022604846715768,0.0,0.20931171512618246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23032624902316015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354746281813332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368548407534677,0.0,0.15397802864276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480069305755341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20917440927498512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18032972316981927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4769076023591985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4202834780215557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,e010l368,2020/01/15,"DAE: Realize the times in your life when you have split on people/things after your diagnosis Hi everyone, I am a 21F who recently discovered that I have BPD. It's scary how much I've realized it's affected my life without realizing it all this time. I think more than anything, it's very disappointing to look back and think of how I have split on previous friendships. To realize that wow, I was the bad guy and the situation actually wasn't that bad and I kinda let it go to the dumps. Realizing, I could have continued that friendship and it would have been great. But also, there's the realization that splitting will likely happen in the future and I might not be able to carry the same clarity as I can now looking back. Ugh. How do you guys move past this mindset & disappointment that you let some good people go/messed it up repeatedly?",5.570379252649193,6.659802736196319,6.5498271054099275,74.49638594534302,67.65030674846625,10.589849414389294,30.76910206358059,10.637119530657019,3.3591030674846625,678,26,128,19,11,226,104,163,0.138,0.752,0.109,-0.624,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,5,0,0,9,10,1,0,8,0,18,2,0,4,1,26,24,12,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,2,16,5,0,0,7,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,3,2,15,4,14,14,5,19,0,2,2,0,9,5,0,3,13,92,31,0,0.15536428321361995,0.0,0.1516131288492036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424476115436238,0.0,0.1683371359514453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785156718995536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389310874527996,0.2594453738258548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956758759229865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404573803929085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845723060070115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17659420504322376,0.13031218955109425,0.0,0.17128967072711798,0.0,0.30767013343858923,0.13738812254737934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177410116763275,0.21947677580299427,0.07590314102510216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609337368096717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481695247556166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512764550949094,0.1142106246055534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831278816248028,0.10771003179271484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340348638666568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746359638403988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991023186969724,0.0,0.0,0.18118832589666206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281918047152522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497656248305541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036632917590296,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dramaticlastnerve,2020/01/15,"remission bpd creator looking to break stigma I am an author who writes about her experiences with BPD. I am now diagnosed in remission and I'm looking to be creating videos. I just went on a trip to shoot a short film about inner child healing and recovery. But now I'm (attempting) to launch a youtube channel with my art/short films/and experience to help erase the demonizing stigmas surrounding bpd. My last big piece was a video about suicidal ideation. If you had the ability to talk about your BPD on a platform, what would you want people to know?",6.197225274725278,7.423259326923077,6.315824175824176,76.24346153846155,66.30769230769229,10.558241758241758,35.049450549450555,10.608840637214634,3.9139219780219774,446,21,81,12,7,142,71,104,0.068,0.848,0.084,-0.1027,0,0,0,1,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,1,7,0,0,0,8,0,6,2,0,1,0,12,13,4,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,9,0,16,8,1,14,1,0,2,0,9,8,0,1,3,49,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8118284877888058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355929513863854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152624499012861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080124349688188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856135503938367,0.1313550940978548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706432767556012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171800281652892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762670271188454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952265255849252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950477937816002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938349726294614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447314301653973,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chocolatesquirell,2020/01/15,"I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the night I completely failed to kill myself on Tuesday I’m clearly useless. I went home today and have been feeling pretty low. I had some company over for a bit but now I’m just alone in my flat and all I can think about is how I want to try and kill myself again. The crisis team are visiting me in the morning but idk if I’ll make it until then. My mind is going a mile a minute, I feel so sick. what am I meant to do?",0.6416190476190451,1.934629733333331,2.895238095238096,95.08476190476192,80.23809523809524,5.80952380952381,20.238095238095237,6.42735559955562,-0.03147619047619088,362,9,89,3,9,124,72,105,0.275,0.667,0.057999999999999996,-0.9811,0,1,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,2,7,5,2,0,6,0,10,1,0,4,2,21,24,11,2,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,5,1,0,4,1,5,0,0,4,2,13,0,12,20,3,17,0,3,0,0,2,6,0,2,7,59,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340749964907553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467410081756297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369639429955808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285517667869628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25688986820740883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22670335612336875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5000863158144658,0.0,0.12420748600305027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30172273202160066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22820254967469944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21209217295763053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299302763074413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481610083789484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21422812241660386,0.0,0.0,0.1534438549964434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330472992987616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20951066791065684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,holygucamoles,2020/01/15,"Feeling so worthless... The last week has been hard. I’ve been sinking into a dark place, and no amount of scrambling seems to help me escape it. Every time I think I’ve managed to put myself back together, something else happens and back I go. People keep asking my partner why is she with me? Why does she stay? It hurts immensely knowing that no one can see any value I add to her life. Sometimes I think these “irrational” thoughts telling me I’m a worthless partner/friend/insert thing I suck at here, are actually just true. I fucking hate that my brain makes me this way, where I need other people to see value in me in order to value myself at all. Any positive words or suggestions to help regain a sense of self in dark times are appreciated.",5.082275862068967,6.205256986206898,5.527068965517241,81.26232758620692,68.79310344827587,7.731034482758621,29.67241379310345,7.908726449838941,1.9707103448275856,593,22,110,7,10,190,99,145,0.133,0.705,0.163,0.5813,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,3,0,4,0,7,3,1,1,2,19,25,4,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,8,5,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,6,0,1,3,4,19,1,15,22,2,19,0,3,2,1,10,8,2,2,6,66,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.15192153404879047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21173591065720515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14554008283335135,0.0,0.0,0.239417111257418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17379072241746624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623689614321888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005092994311582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116738307440898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871664688447162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027822816745724,0.1439239461843792,0.0,0.0,0.08847671286098563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766759182340246,0.0,0.13945898696523162,0.15370208427566498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086984722595967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166659001193729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383758204789793,0.0,0.0,0.08555783185192843,0.12690023824410435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996161322294516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039178217147661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543498381456445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549301309605742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21585826223095173,0.0,0.16265279833911758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565017196442278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481141162609499,0.1417255153438624,0.16240852518415705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985031530860987,0.1539718160853608,0.0,0.0,0.165934505976394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360714605691358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342708626804974,0.1995073244560516,0.0,0.12359278351236833,0.181556891747358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235717907865878,0.12487736129528933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28095454648832424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Failure1971,2020/01/15,"Terminate contract Had letter today saying work would like to arrange mutual termination of contract. Result is from me allegedly arriving at work in a vulnerable state. I have no recollection of this. I remember having my lunch, saying bye to my daughter (who says I seemed okay) getting in car and that’s it. No recollection of driving to work or any until later that evening. Work say I told colleagues I wanted to commit suicide. Again no recollection. Have been suspended for 8 weeks pending medical investigations. Saw Occ Health in December who said fit to work. Work received report 16/12 no communication since. Letter sent today offering settlement agreement. So stressed and confused. Any advice welcome. I’m from UK.",5.593832752613242,9.08350511382114,6.351875725900115,65.17115853658538,75.09756097560975,9.04274099883856,33.98896631823461,9.424239791934726,4.4369795586527285,591,31,79,17,14,193,89,123,0.172,0.73,0.098,-0.8464,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,6,3,6,0,2,1,1,7,3,0,1,1,13,15,5,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,6,2,1,0,5,0,0,4,4,2,0,0,6,6,8,4,16,8,0,16,0,0,1,0,16,5,0,3,8,48,14,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207199615699131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19773838213693928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602775781036522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595951014016025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454121666154028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102949555165337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464636558562844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646968711577602,0.0,0.13829779277892024,0.4624752018752844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235626410576315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026690060311307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654207846116106,0.0,0.0,0.15903146248327982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27562266738187696,0.13892497804637574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575392628994423,0.0,0.11662191506115345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6350675211060832,0.0,0.0,0.10327984562140273,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kera101,2020/01/15,"State of love question Im a 20 year old male who is in a very supporting happy relationship with my SO who i am strongly in love with for 8 months albeit there are bursts of time where i feel loveless for no significant reasons in tandem with intrusive thoughts of other attractive people that tell me I don't love them enough or I'm going to fuck up one day or that there's things i don't like about them which is far from the truth. Can anyone relate or provide insight?",6.813749999999999,5.9326020416666685,6.893833333333338,79.83450000000002,65.04166666666666,9.763333333333334,31.7,8.841846274778883,2.3414900000000003,380,12,77,5,5,122,72,96,0.071,0.657,0.272,0.9719,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,2,1,5,10,1,0,3,0,7,4,0,1,1,12,16,4,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,1,8,9,15,15,1,13,0,0,0,4,11,6,1,4,6,50,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279622002614484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317057871399357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110151040863253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326038110428144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18879922000288907,0.0,0.0,0.11606362123488435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21739727798093372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205939538296908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977216872228854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5529528523120029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16300742328102213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142958086127013,0.0,0.13838557874708896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158127476637378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22877449600614203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20997341924852275,0.0,0.2192571543646971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317478115973861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849834097235862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356754989858572,0.0,0.0,0.16212883084256094,0.11908303120085828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16850388793047438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315117650715349 bpd,katjade14,2020/01/15,"Is this normal Does anyone else here ever wanna purposely trigger themselves or just me? When I get urges to use again, sometimes I look at pictures of the things I used to make myself want it more and I do not know why. Or I’ll have a thought about my r* then play a triggering song and cry to it. Idk it’s weird and people always tell me to stop trying to trigger myself but I feel the need to",-0.06570646221248566,2.238879493975908,1.711763417305587,96.22937568455644,91.40963855421684,3.9820372398685664,17.184008762322016,5.565023196281405,-0.5366530120481929,310,8,67,2,11,101,63,83,0.08,0.883,0.037000000000000005,-0.3291,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,6,1,23,13,8,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,10,1,10,12,1,6,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,5,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19716115964413555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568076278761446,0.2427830030558248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602781555840617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20735630827243887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19794109733719406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21433459927977574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119808904633223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379645584132508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022137657892474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19897809854689053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816578683527158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756952247657929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23216042931387226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642711102257524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343493448933253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981005868361603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20710451077212932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741887396915227,0.0,0.0,0.1881116205943089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16087331503290445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.409296982602574,0.0,0.0,0.13975909177908938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21381027901183575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,seayouinteeeee,2020/01/15,"What’s your favorite portrayal of BPD in a film? Or, what films do you think depict it most accurately?",2.881,5.347857099999999,4.240000000000002,82.47500000000002,78.0,8.0,25.0,8.841846274778883,2.0615,82,3,16,2,2,27,19,20,0.0,0.835,0.165,0.5204,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8912839835129449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4534455432941164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DeliriousLizard,2020/01/15,"Impulse Shopping I just checked my W-2 Earnings for 2019 and I earned just over $38k. I currently have $40 in my bank account. I spend so much money on worthless things, like gacha games on my phone and eating out, etc. Does anyone have any tips on kicking this impulse buying bs in the ass?",3.0475862068965505,4.965218931034482,3.3788275862068997,91.49893103448278,75.20689655172414,5.329655172413793,27.11724137931035,5.6839178017228535,0.8172786206896547,230,9,46,1,5,71,45,58,0.111,0.846,0.043,-0.5994,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,5,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,8,2,2,8,0,1,0,1,2,7,1,0,2,27,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29740176512889244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057937397050569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38271347796332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4475013333592999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4877424372413205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136590491435028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32149043011590234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29054493328772063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,carroticorn_,2020/01/15,"my boyfriend left me again everytime we have an argument he goes to his mother and says that he wants to break up. I know that we will come back and cry and say sorry, but I cant get hurt anymore. I am already broken, why does he have to do that!! I know I am a horrible person, but I wish he wouldt come back, because I cant be strong and stay alone. I am like a fucking magnet. I wasnt alone since I am 15. I can only move on if I have at least one other option.. I know I write stupid shit, but I am soo hurt. (my mother also used to ""leave"" me whrn she was angry. she said that I am horrible and that she never wanted a kid like me, and that I am the reason she got cancer, and that she would give me into a home for difficult children.) It hurts so much more, when he leaves, then just that. it hits me on my deepest fucking spit. nothing is more hurtful then that. I hate every second of me existing. i just forget that when someone is nice to me. And I am fucking stupid enough to believe, that this time, just this time I wont get hurt. Trust is a fucking lie.",1.7236612824278057,2.885839048458152,3.4155580029368577,93.03648433675968,77.01762114537445,6.101713166911408,21.421683798335774,6.42735559955562,0.16516368086147806,812,20,189,6,18,271,122,227,0.263,0.631,0.107,-0.9923,0,2,0,0,0,0,34.0,2,0,0,1,10,19,8,0,7,0,24,7,2,2,1,33,44,18,0,5,7,2,0,2,0,3,1,3,1,3,16,13,0,0,4,0,0,3,5,14,0,2,4,3,39,5,13,35,5,21,0,5,0,4,23,6,5,2,12,131,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129555264206385,0.11345084403886628,0.08221527374438471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019576047112979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810553763767868,0.0,0.06267061450827117,0.0,0.0,0.11582906274251765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17711944601397372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292942162891367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996770363523812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622782754156476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661991414310091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.380176216660664,0.10742555114929736,0.09862250561943284,0.0,0.0,0.08222470254913193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150131100824933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312449699531276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5502888003180819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950125577514422,0.0,0.0,0.21771700206678832,0.11170085761951563,0.0,0.0,0.10045329009380616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926830598081798,0.07557548245271059,0.0,0.07929162957334225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864675272730024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966515244032735,0.07818988207321996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976771073507267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570342945270814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779365733529123,0.16351360534929252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055306179324033,0.08504358478923657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710862337932783,0.0,0.0,0.11508479363789975,0.0,0.10957932013402624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989598333545375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879283667898913,0.0,0.0,0.12127728019724225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276795085988324,0.0,0.11822377150385327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303163434059322,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tamagosushi21,2020/01/15,"I have become jaded when it comes to relationships. I (26F) am in a relationship for almost 2 years now. I have rationalized every action, scheduled every date, compartmentalize my emotions and kept myself busy. My therapist said that our relationship is utilitarian. I used to have no structure and I lack boundaries. She's the total opposite. I learned a lot from her. I learned how to manage my emotions, draw boundaries, and maintain stability. I can't discern which feelings are valid. My emotions failed me before so I don't trust them anymore. There are times that I don't feel love for her. Sometimes I love her too much. I don't believe in happy ever after anymore. I believe that we choose partners depending on our phase in life. I've grown distant. I enjoy her company but I don't let her too close. I used to be in a codependent relationship and now I'm in a very individualistic one. We also only see each other twice a month. I don't usually get these thoughts when I'm busy. I also don't know if we will grow closer and more vulnerable in time or is this just for character development. I wanna believe in love again. I wanna be enthusiastic and warm like when I was in my younger days. Is this the normal adult life? TL;DR How do you stop being so jaded? How can you distinguish overthinking from real emotions?",2.9054496300512263,5.683014796812753,4.642326408651114,77.74581175298806,80.31474103585656,6.932327831531018,26.494166192373363,8.07648339933343,2.1062190096755837,1058,44,185,21,28,356,145,251,0.124,0.826,0.05,-0.9279,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,5,2,1,1,18,9,0,0,7,0,24,5,0,6,2,42,40,19,0,5,4,0,3,1,1,1,2,1,0,2,9,12,0,2,9,0,0,4,8,1,0,2,4,5,42,8,21,31,6,32,0,1,1,3,24,11,0,5,18,139,51,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287258967992456,0.0,0.0,0.1643116129442838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20376771515880626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346089106773898,0.08741849672396945,0.34723584666676865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849566672014436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625449860113783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4622446725673072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292817811274752,0.17311452188554416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389011635696167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05367392449379057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936153955463904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056459551175951174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505178979382017,0.1451271776006579,0.0501903155251632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734020294900532,0.27816252250993273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820007634613104,0.0,0.07552081781942274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065685054352846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961476281809137,0.07813332641400829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693302014136688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4411885959638441,0.0,0.0,0.0977229220353948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186516267005696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160588974450067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858896635429386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928131370206208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815587881863504,0.11980926116380478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745722355658447,0.11314624837159627,0.08476575592926791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615689594343689 bpd,silverfangme,2020/01/15,"Out of sight, out of memory, want to abandon Does anyone else with BPD suffer from this? I can be together with my girlfriend and tell her that I love her, and I really do. But if we're apart from each other for too long, I will begin thinking about whether I love her or not, and I forget many of her personal traits. By other words: Being apart for more than 4 days, then my feelings start to subside and I start wondering whether I want to be alone or not, and I know that I will regret my choice if I abandon her. &#x200B; I know that she's good for me, I think she's very beautiful, I know there's a future in her. But something inside me want to find things about her that I don't like and a reason to push her away. &#x200B; I won't call this splitting or am I wrong? Why does it only happen when she's out of sight? &#x200B; It's horrible and I'm so sad about what my girlfriend is going through :(",2.613492063492064,4.001548973544974,3.6213544973544978,91.54123809523813,75.13756613756614,6.521481481481483,23.182010582010584,7.0316486544052195,0.6218258201058204,712,20,156,7,15,229,104,189,0.156,0.736,0.10800000000000001,-0.8802,0,1,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,0,8,10,0,0,2,0,11,2,0,1,0,41,29,19,0,6,11,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,12,13,0,2,9,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,0,3,34,4,27,23,2,17,0,5,2,2,18,7,0,6,9,111,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207089654367232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788403408551598,0.4248570907098306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149333239355716,0.11941758134525793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950103311552027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467885960175735,0.0,0.11900891987899652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516405887764195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20398453350445345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736121060912496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05893035935318085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652310161046262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623712632142917,0.09775524580101794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306334147269852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921558136456059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693964803706183,0.0,0.0,0.10314164267740132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21037891424659602,0.0,0.0,0.1181617573871096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886402896540474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176554395728994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466387223376796,0.11983113870590292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972463169187267,0.0,0.0,0.1649870767784183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186841521362112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742956035175022,0.1493589829993898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616461378466913,0.2062297504504201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516677883120704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639173906419365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742734997318406,0.4248570907098306,0.0 bpd,leajoannac,2020/01/15,Expelled So I just got expelled from school for dealing drugs and I've lost all hope in life. school was the only good thing. hopefully I'll be able to appeal with the whole bpd diagnosis but its heartbreaking. why do I have a need to self destruct. I hate it,0.943131868131868,3.509548807692312,2.057142857142857,93.54500000000002,89.76923076923076,5.279120879120879,20.89010989010989,6.868970318607317,0.5253263736263739,206,7,43,3,7,65,44,52,0.301,0.605,0.094,-0.9285,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,2,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,1,8,10,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,3,3,6,6,2,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,25,6,4,0.2143532518626927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699704169297513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22098879045073194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485817195072529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17978933774127526,0.17143787705681066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21162945852360596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4258022899876089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15140404096939425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23399189563594625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894022019599446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302530716904035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4338738693179883,0.0,0.0,0.22361719039995026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240677585298767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934204692905492,0.23931775070875885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,trashraider,2020/01/15,"DAE get incredibly empathetic for fictional characters? Unlike a lot of people on here I have a hard time with empathy when it comes to other people. In most cases it's actually downright apathy. But when it comes to fictional characters I actually get incredibly, borderline painfully attached to them. (Pun not intended) Usually it's either with one who I relate to or someone I admire/wish I was (typically the former). How the hell is it I barely understand how to feel something when someone says something like their pet died but when these two characters are in an incredibly angsty scenario I can literally /feel/ the heartbreak. Like I'm in their shoes. If one character betrays the other I will feel that pain. I feel really cringey for feeling this way.",5.203563348416292,8.089734808823533,6.53705882352941,66.82830316742084,72.23529411764707,10.36108597285068,33.255656108597286,10.389873798559362,4.582330995475114,618,31,93,21,13,208,88,136,0.172,0.764,0.064,-0.9464,0,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,3,0,7,6,1,0,7,0,6,3,1,3,0,21,17,10,1,1,6,0,6,2,0,1,2,1,1,0,11,4,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,4,0,3,1,7,12,2,14,15,3,14,1,1,0,0,5,4,1,4,9,68,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.3168824546048956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27971980124842377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685054164905043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41047380871969225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965417684353604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454438516005973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864307941417616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803378806756625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22004046459147256,0.0,0.34552778335637674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251217920183837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401281901533482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911623827602994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275136438906511,0.2499873526024691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467419129809032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860341750180054,0.1690238599761962,0.0,0.0,0.17881805561505165,0.0,0.0,0.12887485842461555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18670750508833406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,swarkssyawg,2020/01/15,"Ways to cope with ""substance abuse"" relapse? Now, I might be little manic but only little; no idea, feeling little bit more cheered up than usual, but sometimes I have those tendencies to go after alcohol, cigarettes, drugs whatever. I can't explain it. I've done some drugs in the past, I'm more than 1 year old clean after I ended up in hospital twice, lesson learned, but today it's like -- one dose won't hurt or people do take these for years and they are fine - whatever. Idk. Just feels too bad, those thoughts. I hope they will go away soon. :X My self will is on a good level - I've already had those thoughts in and out, but never acted on 'em. Ahh, fuck.",3.0292447552447577,4.853223938461543,3.8144755244755264,88.76416083916084,75.0,6.573426573426572,24.125874125874127,7.348242739294969,0.999538461538462,512,16,103,6,11,163,98,130,0.109,0.713,0.17800000000000002,0.8793,0,0,4,0,1,0,28.0,0,0,2,1,4,8,1,0,2,0,12,5,0,0,1,22,23,7,0,1,6,0,2,1,0,4,4,0,1,1,6,4,1,0,8,0,0,3,4,3,0,2,4,2,8,5,17,14,4,29,0,1,0,1,4,13,1,4,13,63,14,1,0.0,0.17641001410342785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911786878641546,0.0,0.0,0.16430354800929864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988682681512804,0.0,0.12431672704370678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625490513294876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523659137004894,0.0,0.0,0.34532969494013555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187213090277994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056626843501905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764618014807312,0.0,0.0,0.1692349588826707,0.124881663218747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788112255167446,0.0,0.0,0.15938956309759486,0.16807841148294575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274001401860625,0.4476799504496868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794850215238734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148329585091146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623475285983446,0.0,0.10089155189214066,0.1132373685880872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213211922955296,0.1032214097695314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553244870484773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472557756821137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194656687486984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23640367006823576,0.0,0.0,0.14113007936698413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398103113291507,0.0,0.0,0.11818175798237501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19176024250895268 bpd,desweetnass,2020/01/15,How to induce a manic episode I'm in a low. Yesterday I spent all my time at home in bed and today I'm just a slump of no motivation. My house is a disaster and I have kids. I need mania to come up and be productive and then as long as I dont take on any big tasks/new projects I fall into a good maintained level state. I'm so over being snappy and irritable and useless.,1.0844599303135922,2.468047585365856,3.944425087108016,87.64743902439025,79.24390243902441,7.124738675958188,22.68989547038328,7.957251820313856,1.0152139372822298,290,9,67,5,7,104,60,82,0.18,0.754,0.067,-0.8402,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,3,1,14,12,11,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,8,0,0,2,0,1,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,7,1,12,9,1,18,0,2,0,0,1,10,0,0,5,41,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184731889908918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767438491566156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765235865440783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694642723701261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222578986450886,0.0,0.0,0.3707000227620806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28431198210782954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382160773465536,0.0,0.3102825401152068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24155347878760525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873338962682458,0.0,0.3045244046721954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,demmasco,2020/01/15,"Dissociating and feeling like an imposter Just a quick vent. Been dissociating the past few days pretty hard, and can't shake the feeling that I'm not supposed to be here. I can't reconcile with the fact that I have a wife and kid that love me. I don't feel like I deserve any of what I have, and I feel like an actor just trying his best to play ""the human role."" I know I *should* love them, so I act like I do, but I'm robbed of the capacity to feel it. Which is weird because when I'm not dissociating I can be head over heels for them. It is as if I've become fully colorblind and can no longer grasp the idea of color, but on an emotional level rather than a visual one. And the colorblindness comes in waves. And after a few days of it I start forgetting what the colors looked like in the first place. There's no feedback from my environment, everything seems fake, I feel fake, this seems like a dream. I'm so fucking confused. I have years of therapy and loads of skills, but they're not sticking to me or being effective. It's a hell of a ride...",4.2049769585253465,4.6175153732718925,5.354539170506914,84.28038018433183,70.38248847926269,8.5963133640553,26.099078341013822,8.634040054169528,1.5079364055299542,824,23,182,13,14,274,122,217,0.122,0.7120000000000001,0.166,0.2621,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,2,4,9,17,2,2,19,0,16,5,2,1,1,38,35,17,0,3,11,1,7,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,11,10,0,0,13,3,0,4,8,7,0,2,1,10,20,10,21,30,3,19,1,0,3,3,9,6,2,5,15,119,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765344489443416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753769386134146,0.15859576347636106,0.0,0.0,0.15070014404382048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369934429169632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18522122804619265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153153317587798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905910869886464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4356531708739205,0.3077652469323274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214673786882775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275659385393454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286380799210871,0.0,0.1473758143370741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210778522769118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891922529443868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4209364831312887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058847633486396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592105950212998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730759519391996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370831795394426,0.0,0.0,0.1500322361968128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460936040318364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614574874863569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016413610073821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642199904051096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749549364692968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247418491638182 bpd,princess-kelly,2020/01/15,"My dad escalated from rolling the window up to wanting to kick me out My dad has bpd and he gave it to me. I made two friends in class for the first time in years I was so so happy. I get in my dads truck and ask him to roll his window up (as I have so many times without issue) and somehow this escalates into him telling me I'm acting like a baby and I need to grow up because I'm anxious about other students seeing my parents driving me. (I know it's a stupid anxiety thing but he's never cared.) This really triggered me as he refuses to go to therapy or improve his life at all and it's had a huge impact on my life. After he got even more upset I realized the conversation was not going anywhere or helping us so I said we should just stop. He got even more pissed for trying to ""tell him what to do."" and kept yelling more insults. I just kept asking him to stop to no avail. At this point I start crying bc of how his words are hurting me. Then he keeps yelling at me to stop crying, and if I can cry than he can say whatever he wants. This was very upsetting as I'm his 18 year old daughter and hes a 56 year old man yelling at me to be the mature one as he's acting like a toddler. And now I have no ride to work tonight. Fuck my life.",1.5801047651233515,2.8725642342007447,3.5228742818519803,91.58342598850966,77.6617100371747,6.377897938492732,24.12318350794187,6.980632752743323,0.7208126394052039,965,32,223,10,22,327,151,269,0.19399999999999998,0.728,0.077,-0.9893,1,0,0,0,3,0,21.0,2,0,0,2,12,12,4,2,9,0,14,5,1,3,2,40,38,23,0,5,8,5,0,2,1,1,3,5,2,1,10,12,0,7,2,0,0,7,5,7,0,3,11,6,37,5,39,25,4,39,0,1,1,1,38,15,2,4,19,144,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933081995438318,0.1319199485258188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21833348153090756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118357325948495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470711674646172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905758222939175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3848080868879355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425457565362624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993268257359546,0.0,0.0,0.0902183226673003,0.10795450859432118,0.061008932576904325,0.0,0.13272926864737716,0.0,0.18678764149896807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430674403112266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782703004415523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500762419090838,0.0,0.0,0.12188039314775485,0.0,0.1037929691144443,0.0,0.0,0.06417523934577164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24744010085397986,0.11409851635657756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104931819644982,0.0,0.11838922150677532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658550076392539,0.09006232932107329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24506667678238145,0.0,0.07912822494687276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966229917760005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038797552260722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480760191707699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107760831547184,0.09286236298008306,0.0,0.0,0.0930527483659708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265234036120707,0.0,0.0,0.29288169673993275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20412902854447906,0.0,0.1335397952816814,0.0,0.07757861404874132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618223756447884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928101950548136,0.0,0.11406999090576918,0.0,0.14046321811255144,0.0,0.0,0.0963497328934334,0.13775116499762602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256474609351673,0.0,0.08501193926749273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22559343156903044 bpd,Magnetik986,2020/01/15,"Help me understand I have dealt with scientifically (I’m in medicine), and I have dealt with this as a loved one of pwBPD, but I haven’t asked anyone who can speak from experience. And it’s only fair if do that, since I’m past the anger and hurt stage, and really do just want to understand. My ex decided that she doesn’t want this relationship anymore 1 month ago, and offered friendship. In fact it was exactly the day I met her for the first time. Lasted a little over a year, as we were talking before hand. It was long distance, for which the last few months I had seen her for quite some with our schedules. I devoted tons of my time to her even if we weren’t together. I’m well off, and didn’t even mind buying her so many things (her day to day is full of The first 6 months, she just wanted me to come take her, move in with me, literally move hundreds of miles for me and go wherever I wanted. I told her once I’m done studying we’ll do it. The paradox was she couldn’t leave me alone more than an hour, and even that was manageable, she’d wait the hour and then keep on the phone for hours. It’s a boundary she constantly tore down. In the process I lost all that time but i felt good giving it to her seeing her smile. After i came to see her we had up and downs, and suddenly she didn’t want to move here, which is fine, but then also wanted to shut down all this. Her tone was completely bland, like she was done. Began to list all the faults she found in me which she had never down before. Lasted maybe a week or so after as she got home for the holidays and just sent me the message. No call, nothing. Just a text. As I said, she offered friendship, and I told her we can be anything, we just can’t be “just friends”. I didn’t chase her. I just damn baby when she wanted to end things. And she responded with “not your baby anymore”. She then removed me from Snapchat completely. And stopped following me on Instagram, but left me following, I can still see her story even but I don’t check it. A week later, I got a plain merry Christmas message, I responded with the same. Then few days later a “how are you”, and happy New Years and good luck for your exam, I responded in kind. Last week got one for my birthday but this time I didn’t know what to say. Couldn’t even say thanks. I’m not quite sure what to do. I don’t want it to be over. But she definitely couldn’t respect my time. I could buy her what she wants, show her love all day but tiny amounts, till the night of course they was all hers. Do i accept its over. Move on. Was there’s something I could have done differently. Is there something I can still do? I practiced extreme amounts of patience with her, but she wouldn’t reciprocate that patience. Does she even miss me. Since she’s the one who left? Will she even think about me? Or she already gone ahead and put me down in the “he’d abandon me anyways so I’ll do it first list”. She’d constantly tell me I’m too good for her, if constantly reassure her that she’s enough for me. Guess it wasn’t meant to be? Any advice or perspective is appreciated.",2.433245163601626,4.065139452531646,3.3624647719130643,92.19426200143299,76.1518987341772,6.79512777645092,22.68402197277287,7.5680677535414835,0.69487290422737,2402,68,541,32,53,766,262,632,0.059000000000000004,0.774,0.16699999999999998,0.9973,2,1,2,0,0,0,78.0,7,3,1,7,29,25,2,0,26,0,60,3,1,1,9,99,112,48,0,18,24,1,2,1,1,3,0,4,1,0,31,32,0,4,9,2,3,13,19,7,1,6,37,10,102,18,69,60,15,95,0,4,4,2,85,26,1,9,56,372,133,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06035291666604003,0.05474810966909344,0.0,0.0,0.06396659895649247,0.06815568268066713,0.049390889563649516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04200014225745431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250222045423498,0.04318528695848557,0.0,0.050824699383285696,0.0,0.05773894625799918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105109486545614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306570371639637,0.07063904626595788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053202322386285625,0.12951214556011847,0.20022769524854864,0.0,0.09862354422699768,0.0,0.0,0.1991562595525974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452793621650592,0.0,0.0,0.05404816784237358,0.18961129551991346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054702623389025096,0.06381644990934764,0.0,0.2855516072883245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060414892071029964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0593010140449711,0.0,0.0,0.1576036679193633,0.0,0.06771862641910616,0.04771701387665247,0.0,0.0,0.0592475468571009,0.03510065453799658,0.15540860402763487,0.14818966177627602,0.0,0.06803758636212162,0.0,0.0,0.06574658511185623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04139763300712527,0.0,0.061952121673137135,0.0,0.18246879764106266,0.0,0.06611728484691666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05489672608741601,0.0,0.06431541108190457,0.033942670356357604,0.2013764426530775,0.0,0.06539682905297167,0.13420875395983814,0.0,0.0,0.030173696026082362,0.06190154953038271,0.0,0.054657249931594466,0.0,0.0,0.06742030109870834,0.0,0.11148487262587577,0.0,0.0,0.06261677183156532,0.062048029974725874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623618122171672,0.0,0.14789303980452806,0.26257207877383,0.0,0.0,0.04763450805691971,0.0596499318064436,0.0,0.0579592659309411,0.0,0.05926211332598647,0.0,0.0,0.06577430186899028,0.12555418332533466,0.04697263239042552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589586270918016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06208766824854255,0.0,0.13138255453123254,0.0,0.0,0.03956619091578455,0.0,0.0,0.06630906005219725,0.0,0.0,0.058749615606584885,0.09823092542476236,0.0,0.0,0.1476484760666815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217999924153832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950945029010567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986461073559384,0.05163563074688781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820976607125241,0.0,0.04643718764175385,0.04964179576429102,0.05398253591792236,0.05686196796121268,0.0,0.0,0.08206359182150888,0.039574467942399175,0.0,0.0,0.18006901279858034,0.0,0.0,0.11803209428548254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285924249809063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327858391269408,0.0,0.14862477289350234,0.0,0.055531275963483485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954514919220305 bpd,david_ranch_dressing,2020/01/15,"I've gotten dumber and dumber; is there any way of repairing my brain? Over the past few years, I've noticed that I've gotten dumber it feels. I have a much harder time remembering things, I feel really slow mentally taking in any information, and so on. I just feel like my sharpness has *drastically* decreased. I just honestly feel like I've become really stupid. And I just get down on myself about it a lot, because now that I'm far more self aware of things with my mental health I can see the difference in myself. Is there any way to fix this at all? Does getting on the right medication somehow help this? I'm on medication right now that really doesn't work, so I guess that's why I'm asking. I really, really need some improvement with myself because it's getting a lot harder to live. I feel way too self conscious about myself nowadays. Like I'll be doing stuff around the house, and my girlfriend will question why I did something this way and I will see why she's making the comment and just feel really stupid. I will find myself second guessing doing stuff, because she will point out why it's inefficient and it does make sense. Like, she doesn't go out of her way to make me feel bad or anything, so I am not implying that she is making me feel bad. ------------------------ Sorry for the huge, all over the place explanation. This is a prime example of how my brain now works. It's so incredibly frustrating.",3.6109154150197615,5.521984083636365,4.777770750988144,82.10422134387352,73.61818181818181,7.982608695652175,23.95652173913044,8.716276077567194,1.683875889328064,1113,33,214,22,23,366,131,275,0.099,0.8240000000000001,0.077,-0.7866,0,0,1,0,0,0,55.0,0,0,0,2,19,10,3,0,11,0,18,5,2,5,2,45,46,13,0,1,6,0,9,4,1,4,3,0,0,2,19,12,0,0,13,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,3,11,30,5,25,38,8,32,0,0,2,0,13,19,0,8,11,137,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16713173007520998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741580291491656,0.07292900550240873,0.07658712139327148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680487907546618,0.14981884395021436,0.09047772409550628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18290674150641253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559229436207716,0.0,0.0,0.14338306671311324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313826004903609,0.11705188288243674,0.0,0.0,0.0748763091117751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840445247092827,0.0,0.046558835314948234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804952540261884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708051729577375,0.0,0.0,0.054911385641568736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452835903162653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009412503700393,0.0,0.07233967536869869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929632863799268,0.0,0.0,0.21873745491010085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505798508016367,0.1651186087018027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602229689352015,0.060745005405551736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093270091827981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820495216666443,0.0,0.0,0.08559229436207716,0.0,0.07744389199886045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177271888022752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148925496349944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928030013431513,0.13992390882259198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130564347439736,0.0,0.17092750246437116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630684720584682,0.0,0.09170630113418132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18756489922386524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06159604145162955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885225096970058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0477700693765634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32513406470274503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29569173713513874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192821122423261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0527558467226542 bpd,throwaway840934,2020/01/15,"My boyfriend literally abandoned me He left the city without telling me. He stopped talking to me for five days and when he finally answered my calls he told me he had gone for work and wouldn't be back for weeks. We have plans next week, including my birthday, that he cancelled. I got upset and he said he's not responsible for my mental health. He's blocked me now. I don't understand how someone can do this.",3.428306878306877,5.452037580246916,3.782116402116405,88.55666666666669,74.43209876543209,7.097707231040566,31.32451499118166,7.957251820313856,2.1113477954144617,328,16,67,5,7,102,57,81,0.16399999999999998,0.836,0.0,-0.8901,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,1,0,7,1,0,1,0,13,12,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,4,0,3,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,5,1,12,0,6,5,0,11,0,1,0,0,15,1,0,0,9,37,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806991985817598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399595539048778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515544721882826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574291673516993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18794961993425932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497922197275467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25532635674022786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368230292308406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24992337389937655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235372115474224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991133096207722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19646911378868528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18888274394279586,0.2053988851971043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22455096052340748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446415334769529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3770029466741301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265299896341349,0.0,0.17108157206736685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,x_j3t,2020/01/15,"Impulsive desire to run away. Hi New to this space, not new to bpd though Was diagnosed 5 years ago, along with Bipolar, but never found a safe space to speak to others. Still on a waiting list, have been for over a year, feeling rather isolated at the moment. Struggling at the moment with intrusive thoughts, mostly to run away from where I live and just disappear, and wondered if anyone else felt like this and how they managed it. Sending my love to you all 💞",6.959318181818182,6.972935386363638,6.29218181818182,81.29827272727275,64.45454545454545,9.312727272727274,32.372727272727275,8.841846274778883,2.5191972727272725,366,13,69,5,5,112,69,88,0.12300000000000001,0.7490000000000001,0.128,0.1383,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,0,6,4,0,1,5,0,3,3,0,1,2,23,10,7,0,3,5,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,6,0,2,5,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,5,3,4,3,18,5,2,22,0,0,0,1,6,9,0,3,10,49,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18143788479988016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431181307917698,0.20972048293804502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846101937169019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577893045547397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20774751111331693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17098520903169526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034931647755433,0.0,0.1965264302245215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244228049753477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999708878820886,0.0,0.18073759893642485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18473313141478095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578630648175487,0.3953655211415607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345898671737402,0.0,0.0,0.2139776449559252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20109862854185495,0.1624943238230954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22196845939531876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636164737514526 bpd,accidtrap,2020/01/15,"struggling with Constants One of the BIGGEST things i struggle with, having BPD i've recently noticed, is my lack of understanding and comprehending constants. My mind is at a constant battle with reality, emotion, perception, and sense of self. I find myself constantly changing back and forth, swinging high and low, believing this then that- to the point i cant understand that the rest of the world lives in a constant state majority of the time. The majority of the population doesn't mentally change all day every day and it is extremely hard to understand. it is especially hard for personal relationships with FPs. when they say they love me- it makes me feel so good but so quickly does the fear and paranoia once again set in that i will be abandoned. that their feelings will change soon, that this small thing that i said was so incredibly irritable somehow that they have already lost feelings. In reality, the things he says all the time for the past two years most likely will not suddenly change- that he does not suddenly change all the time and CAN perceive and feel constants- it is SO hard to understand when all i ever see is change and abandonment. whether real or imagined. my only constant is that i feel so so deeply for my FP, and only seek to be trustworthy and live out a healthy relationship which ive put lots of effort into because of BPD. and the only other constant i have is that i constantly feel in upheaval and chaos.",8.188997493734337,8.43745228571429,7.739533834586468,71.15897493734337,61.85714285714286,11.153483709273184,38.41002506265664,10.793553405168565,4.264938145363409,1172,55,201,27,15,370,145,266,0.146,0.807,0.047,-0.9758,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,4,2,14,11,1,3,16,0,21,1,0,1,5,52,36,25,0,1,5,0,9,1,0,3,0,3,0,2,21,19,0,2,14,0,0,1,4,8,0,2,3,13,21,3,26,28,10,43,0,4,1,1,14,13,0,4,28,147,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199620989992485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0501670991103564,0.0,0.0397709400482646,0.0,0.0,0.0735054338675963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643401227623592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4141045445784963,0.0,0.0,0.6345311766196334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415143272976082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418749203695328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338851000596441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590151574177018,0.05496922982806293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341542970994283,0.19793000450877485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05963003963058164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05472192503864734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175332150258694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893179386302471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031873963653606965,0.0,0.11521982747999927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121939005675333,0.055466446567755436,0.05888348538628688,0.0,0.04354956614351426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574862795344838,0.0,0.06587585870371505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742784912614751,0.0,0.06948063986928713,0.04420969257915617,0.14885852660202487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062280906368454764,0.0,0.05696682998765476,0.0,0.0,0.061674812818896085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558626690547316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425972112137462,0.0,0.0,0.06441864043291863,0.1400910626382412,0.0,0.0,0.06206011722557929,0.10376617249483076,0.0,0.0,0.05198945637498127,0.0,0.06806167309002632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364102847524855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003173065418575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412946887490805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373198986628477,0.2716770445640865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04201373262296718 bpd,_nipnop_,2020/01/15,"unintentionally manipulative 👋 hi i have a question for y’all. my gf has called me out on multiple occasions for being manipulative. but in the moment, i had no idea i was being manipulative, and i don’t understand it until hours later or sometimes not at all. i try to be a good, loving person to all people in my life, and being manipulative is counterintuitive to that. how do i realize what i’m doing wrong before i do it?? and yes she’s definitely right about this being a negative trait of mine. in hindsight i was pretty fucking terrible growing up to people i called friends but who probably didn’t consider me the same.",4.273500000000002,6.330966016666667,7.085000000000001,65.64000000000001,72.16666666666666,9.8,29.5,10.125756701596842,3.4764,502,21,86,15,10,183,82,120,0.12300000000000001,0.6729999999999999,0.204,0.8998,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,2,6,1,0,5,1,16,3,0,5,2,20,20,8,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,4,0,16,3,16,11,3,13,0,0,0,2,11,8,1,2,4,72,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184842524836064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4436221425339379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678275408332492,0.2008210656504876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821980723389159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139229253117132,0.0,0.0,0.2452206495707744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15343248245701124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19605409572856264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30119300783448777,0.18967254174042866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22099597763613635,0.23420535257078884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433417790651022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855090124935192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21484113662913884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474815552426625,0.0,0.0,0.22613894605933374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23750150018167904,0.0,0.0 bpd,lurker5k5,2020/01/15,"GF Advice next steps what are the options? I've read lots about this and got brought about BPD from a friend didn't know anything about it before. I would say everything I can agree with except self harm. Some are 50/50 but I would say everything adds up, I've read how relationship goes literally everything I could check mark from some big reads and examples how it goes. She has never been diagnosed or never told me at least, its been 23 months, obviously I can't bring it up. What are my options, or ways to cope or potentially help her I don't know much about that yet is there much you can do or just understand who you are with and if you can deal with it or not from what I've read? Do I try to talk it out with her best friend and get her opinion and just have someone to talk to that might understand or that could completely blow up if she says something, I've been kinda lost lately.",6.121712707182323,5.661633906077348,5.941928176795582,84.69996408839779,66.29281767955801,9.89193370165746,28.59723756906077,9.3871,1.9773420994475133,711,19,156,12,10,222,103,181,0.026000000000000002,0.875,0.098,0.9337,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,0,2,10,5,0,0,2,0,23,1,0,2,3,45,33,16,0,6,13,0,0,0,3,3,1,3,0,1,14,11,0,0,4,4,1,3,6,2,0,0,8,3,17,3,21,20,7,16,0,1,0,0,22,6,0,16,6,107,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693997203226138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847807285466012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183021050153948,0.0,0.1255861026441347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071996056499828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547153904295433,0.0,0.0,0.19109324189657806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337433916216042,0.0,0.1214623575503182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32265457823656474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491322628450835,0.0,0.06252254653731419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571089441282413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021216394300712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153481692148888,0.0,0.13499277972448606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063375492714027,0.10173900930403168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269507774547373,0.0,0.0,0.09551931590540197,0.0,0.1759421876146633,0.0,0.18459349929250776,0.0,0.12727022091849308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4788088539943632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848061131654775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854987539899265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484173081640346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013958578898298,0.09212768101337407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19237215130561866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434965008426998,0.0,0.08124795865439627,0.0,0.0,0.2491610250427111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498834020189116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17002002625650833,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LostInTheDarke,2020/01/15,"I cannot control my head. I can't. I really can't. What is this? It's getting exhausting. Something happened today. It shouldn't have been a big deal, but it was to me. It happened at work. I had to find a place to hide for a bit. I found a dark place and sat down, holding my head. It felt like my head was moving back and forth in tandem with my heartbeat. I kinda started rocking back and forth with it. Then I got an awful headache that made me feel nauseous. It's still there six hours later. It was because of something I KNOW shouldn't matter to me. A situation involving a person I have feelings for, but I refuse to be with because I know I can't handle a relationship with her. But everything she does has such an impact on me. I can't pull my thoughts away from her. We work at the same place, on the same shift. My life is in in ruin, and I need to pull it together if there's any chance of me being able to provide a good life for me and my son. My ex has primary custody, and I want to be able to be better for him. I know my mental health has played a massive part in me screwing up my life, and being deemed the less fit parent. It's time to get it together, but I can't stop obsessing over her. I can't stop. I can't. I hate that I'm like this. Why can't I focus? I dont even know if it's a BPD thing. I know my son is the most important thing, but I keep letting myself be destroyed by someone that doesn't deserve that kind of power. It's getting to me. I can't control it. I can't pull my thoughts away from her. What is this? I can't have this affecting me as much as it does. I can't. I can't. I can't. It doesn't ever feel like I'm ""there"" Always internally obsessing over something that shouldn't be important. It makes me feel like.a huge piece of sh*t that I can't get rid of these obsessive thoughts and be the dad that my son deserves. What is it?",0.4954629629629643,2.3283139012345733,2.5478858024691355,94.82923611111114,82.82716049382717,5.630246913580248,21.23611111111111,6.742157984588678,0.2621222222222221,1450,45,342,16,40,487,167,405,0.076,0.8029999999999999,0.121,0.9446,2,0,3,0,0,0,53.0,1,0,0,6,9,15,3,3,17,1,47,9,3,5,1,56,78,18,0,7,7,6,5,3,0,3,5,0,0,1,35,13,0,7,15,2,0,4,22,8,0,1,13,5,62,7,43,53,8,36,0,1,0,1,18,20,1,4,15,237,97,2,0.18235013051569984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758649581767254,0.0,0.0,0.06200217090154692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713239502187332,0.14021599456475534,0.0,0.11115894704965057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806369359574803,0.09953955712670354,0.0,0.11483180295779355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045211769196764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399748879716248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957582805013354,0.0,0.10685649744574656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06022027071028992,0.08247306639672143,0.0,0.0,0.08194226965160964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184403409994228,0.13027096967569482,0.0875423608070938,0.0,0.0833323578700979,0.0,0.0,0.09996875302750273,0.0,0.0,0.19054083394073432,0.0,0.0,0.07647331896661279,0.07292102868742366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125161819447922,0.0,0.0,0.09001650091006379,0.28071576288455313,0.09691483083083066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978907346068175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104058724237476,0.0,0.09494480006899844,0.25053715715882346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932326815258166,0.19319893487591092,0.17817412581819947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627205126782876,0.060860064045599425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188302117570203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690466524086604,0.0670241637019844,0.0676051556136387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123912012732722,0.09873371072900318,0.0,0.0,0.07961055019694555,0.2857756127130616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05840908147515399,0.0,0.0,0.09788789877128534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248459343530794,0.0,0.0,0.07725233691870627,0.2105730589384795,0.0,0.0,0.06453418046499165,0.0,0.07281252489055204,0.15245287420946738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114532407348992,0.0,0.0,0.21714845238334596,0.0531649137623046,0.0,0.08642330104388439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053777415753565316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227131502099269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327530667950021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fulladatdank,2020/01/15,"DAE have a hard time saving money? I feel like for those of us who love to impulse spend, saving money is just impossible. Have any of you found a way to curb the spending addiction/impulse buys and begin saving money? If so, I’d love to hear them.",3.0948,4.646035479999998,4.625,84.1675,74.2,6.6000000000000005,22.5,7.1686216300943375,0.8007999999999997,194,5,38,2,4,65,38,50,0.026000000000000002,0.764,0.21,0.897,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,1,1,0,2,6,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,9,9,3,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,6,6,8,0,3,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,3,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106935858566163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566582876491763,0.22134110253634584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397102834096654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775449280420481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34919854334635103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136625431678136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5592635243549673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18066313097527772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.372684796856297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459269533518196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,zoolook67,2020/01/15,"BPD When I was 13, I came across an article about ""Inferiority complex"". That was the first time I found words for how I felt and had been feeling for some time. I had no one to talk to, so I ate it. Now i am almost 80 and still feel the same way but now I have a whole fucked-up life for evidence that i was right in the first place. It was just in the last year that I came to understand about BPD etc. So, my advice is to get help if you think you need it. I knew I made a lot of mistakes, but i didn't realize how fundamentally messed up i am. Now it's too late to do much about it. fyi, there are many informative videos on YouTube about this stuff, some better than others. One I like is Dr. Todd Grande. Good Luck to all.",1.3569230769230742,2.689981358974361,2.9323076923076954,95.41269230769232,78.35897435897436,6.594871794871796,19.05128205128205,7.321109707123232,-0.06231794871794882,556,11,142,7,13,183,101,156,0.061,0.799,0.14,0.9253,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,3,16,8,0,0,7,0,15,3,0,3,1,31,28,10,0,3,4,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,11,4,1,0,10,1,0,2,2,3,0,4,15,3,18,5,20,13,8,22,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,6,13,101,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15291753540677655,0.0,0.0,0.15669938230470729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840026109293607,0.0,0.0,0.3941804415661685,0.0,0.0,0.3579594642707197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452465593120228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824931705667938,0.0,0.15025230619852026,0.0,0.0,0.26621595995274816,0.0,0.1715801990224078,0.0,0.0,0.08175813246478242,0.0,0.0,0.13125408581004958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489010905890296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275579996816465,0.1765244408257885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053157676114472,0.07645176878449125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330398689783129,0.0,0.14807202529107313,0.0,0.1586535158954349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503613878361688,0.11603331745008108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120796291183952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634958758615568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336392615563432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497092475093592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914046882401086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577852870718634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027071493947133,0.0,0.0,0.18249795477264333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290875227183305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242122998973043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471243279508555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077266220076904 bpd,a-hyperbole,2020/01/15,"Vent/Advice hiya I’m new to this sub, but I’m glad I found it. I’ve always been very self aware with my BPD but not able to control myself in ‘episodes’ as such. I’ve come to realise with the help of my partner also saying something to me that For the past 2 weeks, I’ve been really strict on my calorie intake, I have also been switching moods like incredibly quiet and irritable, whilst also just numbed??? Just a small fuse and just constant bad mood I guess to just wanting to be outgoing and the life of the party. On top of this my anxiety is going out of control and sleep is becoming non existent. It’s just so frustrating going for a few months doing well and then I feel like nothing has really “triggered” this to happen. I just wish I had a way to just switch out of it and just enjoy my life a bit.",3.5038353413654626,4.552557596385544,4.874879518072291,84.7507931726908,72.43373493975903,7.702008032128515,25.279116465863446,8.07648339933343,1.3910056224899594,635,19,131,9,12,212,101,166,0.10099999999999999,0.7170000000000001,0.18100000000000002,0.9304,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,14,10,1,0,8,0,10,4,1,3,0,30,21,14,0,2,11,0,1,2,1,0,3,2,0,2,7,11,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,3,1,0,5,3,13,5,23,15,2,18,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,9,86,20,0,0.15417230712920116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065539420342658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698746149309054,0.12828371001751593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794139296567738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872743667131206,0.0,0.17027120052120176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16831622910762367,0.0,0.19417462377176206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280579124279054,0.0,0.1666054932911382,0.345834703965526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077954150844039,0.11014072701818486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690419771183267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752393500874741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983817784241093,0.0,0.13633406203248927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333844765594588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177929198843028,0.15064160343858565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305886466092125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890057493383635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793248674058554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717491211499728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19753345550902504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260400665244263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083534006656475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428364852559828,0.0,0.0,0.11868937420549687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720829961177252,0.09093482121154373,0.1223748012689547,0.12366772524883682,0.0,0.13861941945890055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772905445632142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sLove1627,2020/01/15,"These women are driving me insane I’m 18 yo girl, and I have a horse. His name is Moose, and is so very calm and nice to be around. He is a big part of my daily life and truly helps me just keep going and holding routines, even through the messes that often pop up. Lately we’ve switched barns, and he now lives in this stable where there are 3 other horses, by 3 different owners. He’s been living there for about 2,5 weeks. We all share certain stable-duties, and switch day to day to help each other out. It sounds great, but feels like a disaster. Owner #1 is a woman in her thirties who just had a baby. I don’t see her often, she often does the morning routines, stays with her child the rest of the day I believe. She’s had her horse at this stable for 4 years. Owner #2 is a woman in her forties. Her horse has been there for about 1,5 years. She’s in the stable in the afternoon so we’re there more often than not at the same time. Face to face she is nice and welcoming. In our group-chat, not so much. Owner #3 is a woman rubbing her fifties. Her horse been here for a little over a week, so me and owner #3 are the new guys. Owner #2 made a group-chat for us all, together with the woman who owns the stable. I’m getting more and more anxious about this. Every night now for a week she’s been sending very long texts reminding us all of small things that are wrong and that we all need “to think about more”. Things as in remembering to switch certain lights off and making sure all doors are closed, keeping gates closed, locking everything that has a lock, etc. It was fine the first time. Ok, good! Sorry that I or owner #3 forgot about that. We’ll make sure to remember that next time! Thanks for the reminder :) The second time it was a bit embarrassing, but still alright. But not all the next times. Now, I’m just figuring out the exact timing of the day that nobody’s there. All day I’m anxious that I’m gonna get another text in the group chat that I did something wrong AGAIN. The worst part is that when I’m in the stable while owner #2 is there, she says hello and does her duties, just to go home and rant about how I’m not doing things right to EVERYONE in this stable. Owner #3 accidentally put owner #1’s blanket on her own horse last week and owner #2 got pissed. Like long-texts-pissed. It feels like owner #1 & #2 are conspiring against us, and talking shit to the stable owner about me. It would’ve been great if she talked or texted us privately to make sure we do stuff right. Now it just feels like she wants us ashamed, for she is literally preaching this to everyone in the stable, probably making them all trust us way less. Small thoughts have gone through my mind these two days. I want to hurt myself now. Suicidal stuff, especially picturing how owner #2 would react to it. And absolutely horrible things that I could do, like not feeding her horse or leaving him out in the cold at night. Putting things in his water etc. Things I know I just wouldn’t do for the life of me, but still flash through my mind. I don’t want more confrontation by any of these women, I just want my horse to be happy.",2.980065773144702,4.549519677215193,3.7315487714073012,90.38101141722515,74.53797468354429,6.539141226110697,21.72759990071978,7.128822416839037,0.4826964755522458,2444,59,520,25,51,776,265,632,0.10300000000000001,0.735,0.161,0.9823,1,0,1,0,0,2,93.0,11,0,1,1,43,34,3,2,36,2,42,8,4,8,14,101,77,34,1,9,20,0,4,5,0,4,2,2,3,9,39,29,2,5,9,1,0,7,8,10,0,3,15,9,56,24,71,55,26,80,1,1,1,0,75,33,2,8,43,337,95,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704460796928563,0.0,0.042079049429742034,0.06488430483731353,0.0,0.13980868061296894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05508439168343714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971513011885534,0.0,0.0,0.0675545691972648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04940441590680129,0.0,0.0,0.2394365058647557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646491671625631,0.0,0.0,0.10829942014411073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802028455860366,0.040869726189337575,0.0,0.05213474444487335,0.11825384541056623,0.055611807859606815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386187722944526,0.13261661227027835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052633254525945514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465722936143506,0.0,0.0703331987909405,0.051900191913639,0.04948935700135591,0.13644106225497468,0.0,0.06126878470297185,0.0,0.06587010557726201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295081644738829,0.0,0.062068513344110225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624150175919834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099997250677598,0.0,0.0,0.03400643966745414,0.05043869394799798,0.06980089267137132,0.06551969241913652,0.0,0.0,0.08741228908824265,0.15115192215023787,0.062017846189658984,0.10927852326549213,0.10951987293124613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05855030327032683,0.16521574041906004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495794717689228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04548732820793148,0.045881630326926666,0.0,0.059761998270817684,0.1316155582354021,0.11613631216150347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401532990658302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671477140007677,0.0,0.0,0.12440862915144801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019104854558442,0.10568666535849901,0.0,0.04920773769217721,0.0,0.0,0.049308622849829266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351670803928662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04763658017563162,0.0,0.06926716985531405,0.0,0.0659535386076741,0.09883143733270214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167063301816946,0.0676843079062291,0.0,0.17495738053395918,0.0,0.0,0.09947011916970444,0.0,0.05696879657800712,0.0,0.0,0.2466533028963659,0.039648817913429835,0.0,0.04912408887499575,0.2164887778865988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060445653232451366,0.0,0.4465884974581544,0.0,0.0,0.1021113878816175,0.14598860025667934,0.04911574495314478,0.19853866610685564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791247671864663,0.13530739684531234,0.0,0.07969459351440288 bpd,arup02,2020/01/15,"I need advice on how to deal with my girlfriend when she goes through a crisis Yesterday my girlfriend had a crisis (not sure if this is the correct nomenclature, I apologize) where she got verbally aggressive with me. It was the first time seeing her that way and I got desperate, nothing I said seemed to work. I knew she had BPD from day one but I never stopped to think what I was supposed to do when she eventually had an episode. I need help. I love her to death and all I want to do is help her. Please help me help her.",3.5017924528301885,4.819954226415099,4.16051886792453,88.83341981132078,72.77358490566039,7.941509433962264,27.400943396226417,8.472884824447931,1.7080415094339625,412,15,89,7,8,131,67,106,0.11,0.659,0.231,0.9398,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,1,0,5,0,9,1,0,1,4,19,20,7,1,4,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,9,2,22,2,11,11,1,11,0,0,1,1,18,2,0,2,8,64,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884150630965889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428417793013935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434871844660216,0.19878219135648012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400701449440586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084210453692972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5169551409253356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740216585252383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859374468795516,0.1487096123420606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18500969693542368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306553777352889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116512575297895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834097363126052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15364734891027268,0.1755301152041212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120067036762456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18172438637624386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354706758649048,0.0,0.0,0.11243106806559948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372636318029924,0.15304633481220686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037048151226944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,isopodsarenice,2020/01/15,"My emotions are uncomfortable, I fucking hate myself for it (19M) Literally I’m so happy for like an hour or two then one of my colleagues will say something to me and I’ll want to just start crying. It takes so much of my energy just not to cry sometimes. I’m bouncing off the walls sometimes when I’ll spend a grand on alcohol, weed and random shit I don’t want. I have 0 life savings I want to fucking die. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with BPD but I’m sure it’s bipolar I just don’t want to be like this, why can’t I just be a sane fucking human being without being paranoid every 5 minutes.",1.5256133333333324,3.514095688000001,3.7653,86.62048333333334,80.12,6.086666666666666,25.61666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.2293866666666666,471,19,97,6,12,162,82,125,0.091,0.716,0.193,0.8147,0,0,2,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,11,5,0,4,0,10,8,1,0,1,18,23,8,1,4,8,0,0,2,0,1,4,1,0,1,4,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,2,0,1,13,6,13,18,1,7,0,0,0,3,2,3,4,2,6,60,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635480075985656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960502064604138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419736906178051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799314294963074,0.16155205825168512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509823281922102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115152496685364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4317196374335098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570455822067567,0.0,0.15368350172772668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532952190633632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109948318888267,0.15209668947460786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442911104025999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548025901414466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378827032176205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978428989970833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198358254320403,0.30790640185381285,0.0,0.11017800886193037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670911887751173,0.0,0.11703807353790326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205866420686318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672527362570141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046028957294776,0.0,0.0,0.1500521284507194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jamlesstyra,2020/01/15,"No talent? Dae every feel like they don’t have a talent? When I was younger I thought it was drawing but tbh I suck at it so it’s not a talent. Ever since then I’ve went my life without having a talent, and I’ve tried a lot of different things?",-1.4827777777777769,0.5042598888888925,1.2462037037037028,98.15041666666669,98.25925925925928,3.4407407407407407,16.00925925925926,5.148860815047168,-0.8515851851851854,190,5,44,1,8,65,40,54,0.099,0.655,0.24600000000000002,0.7929,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,3,6,1,0,4,0,5,1,0,0,1,8,9,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,4,1,5,5,3,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,4,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.351171520338357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040377571607164,0.2831937095666065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995123874059664,0.24012259501075414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23740991417713056,0.16421015964549535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857552999947891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780400845412793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22330170461126592,0.0,0.0,0.2668399568410602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282018957927006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115845310789083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240055263944797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,es1888,2020/01/15,"I’ve had a dream about my ex-fp and I’ve been feeling overwhelmed with sadness the whole day. We broke up almost 3 years from now yet I couldn’t move on. I miss them so much and I’ve been having dreams about them from now and then. Last night I’ve had a dream that I received a huge amount of money from them, I’ve been struggling with money the last couple months I think that explains it. I felt so happy that even though we broke up they still care about my wellbeing, it meant a lot to me, it made me feel like I’m not alone and they will be there in tough times. Then I woke up.....",1.3429870129870096,2.8956402539682564,1.98838383838384,101.20863636363636,79.0,4.8992784992785,17.01010101010101,4.851557810540192,-1.0182920634920634,456,7,113,1,11,140,77,126,0.111,0.7040000000000001,0.185,0.8167,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,5,0,12,10,0,2,6,0,9,0,0,1,0,19,20,9,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,6,3,2,2,2,7,0,0,9,3,17,3,15,8,4,21,0,5,0,0,9,6,0,2,14,72,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21550942890007413,0.2229006210937156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21942877896714508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238134281027168,0.0,0.1387976058541705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214925480577367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21764106176497186,0.1537515610923796,0.20664273351631102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291032334889541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508622849523724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514449251055714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297038420167155,0.0,0.2036441824927213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178470725682266,0.2287423452056705,0.15820976577890572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019672232836655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718731256375813,0.0,0.0,0.22499225887611887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790280595993426,0.2114502881917461,0.0,0.1254951660626375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402828655711963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859313648982666 bpd,bad_wolf10203,2020/01/15,"Healthy way of coping with a breakup? Probably not (CW: sex) TLDR: Couldn't stand my ex being the last person to touch me. Contacted past FWB to get his touch off me. Coping with no longer being able to be with him by having better and casual sex soon after breakup. Someone else's touch is on me now. So sorry if this isn't allowed here. Just felt my BPD was contributing quite a bit to this since I don't normally do stuff like this. Just recently ended a relationship with someone I thought I was going to spend my life with. My BPD got out of hand and he lacked a lot of things needed for a relationship to work. Sex with him wasn't great. It was good because the love I felt for him just made it better than it was. After breakups my sex drive goes up a lot since I know I wouldn't be able to have sex until I have something with someone else. This time I was going to leave it, like usual. But I decided to contact someone from my past. I had a fling with him but it ended in a mess due to me getting feelings. I decided to contact him because sex with him was amazing and I knew I wouldn't catch feelings since I knew who he was and what I wanted from a future relationship. He was down for starting up just casual sex. FWB but with boundaries so there's less of a risk of feelings. Into the vent: So I just kept getting this feeling anytime I got turned on that I wanted someone else to touch me. I wanted the feeling of someone else on and in me. I didn't want to go a while with the last person to touch me be my ex. This would also be some kind of way of getting back at him for how things went down. Getting back by having sex with someone else soon after the break up. Just a mental thing for me. I just kept getting this overwhelming feeling of needing his touch gone. Everywhere he touched me needed to be replaced by someone else's. I couldn't handle having his touch linger on me. I hooked up with this guy and it felt so good to have good sex and to have his touch on me instead. I actually feel better knowing that he's no longer the last person to touch me. I feel better knowing I had this way of getting back at him even if he doesn't know it. The main reason I did this was just to get him off of me. Definitely gonna keep it going to push him farther away from my mind.",2.6188421052631594,4.051861063157897,3.817631578947368,89.95592105263157,75.21052631578948,6.347368421052632,24.28947368421053,6.8360192770164,0.7385789473684206,1795,56,386,16,38,585,174,475,0.034,0.8420000000000001,0.124,0.9913,1,0,1,0,0,1,38.0,0,0,0,6,25,18,0,2,20,0,38,12,1,4,0,81,87,20,0,16,14,2,22,2,0,4,1,0,0,4,26,22,0,3,21,2,1,9,12,3,0,0,27,22,62,15,80,47,7,59,0,1,0,10,34,21,0,5,26,272,88,1,0.12657763692171115,0.0,0.06176075729597533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05061204525752589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946192828447976,0.14599558443233052,0.0,0.077160552616325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238952672693906,0.06909499809898424,0.0,0.15942010264265358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172181206814221,0.0,0.11211021607954044,0.0,0.0,0.04180166770233245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560058258402532,0.0,0.18230157220352067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645263639691645,0.0,0.143873976090792,0.15925097462193566,0.10123569933348313,0.06977614578224986,0.0,0.06266588053011105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05625400979356246,0.0,0.06590556528120191,0.13912751792197658,0.15476650227502042,0.0,0.06701372056606301,0.0,0.0,0.04470276415162551,0.06183943971654466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761178045170754,0.05712062962136906,0.05988541028727309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378024331957674,0.0,0.06390366503136495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078357087705268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06200960460313359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208326769999307,0.0,0.16578406534947407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823605061564234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731544880776966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507144611558938,0.062490073010145385,0.20384551754352914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705949391827187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4289952840152341,0.0487228244630808,0.0,0.07084665073504344,0.0447961514523545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245055542052546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613883633072315,0.0,0.0,0.05024425242829604,0.03690421899972091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884006064369202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970369215770901,0.0,0.149317539539828,0.15070715472663276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05866936877675264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04607501360569278,0.0,0.0,0.04495856078968103,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwback790,2020/01/15,"I have a question about a term for a type of emotional abuse please help if you can It's when someone lies to you even though you know the truth because you have hard evidence or you witnessed it but they out right deny it at all costs. Its something like blank space or grey something it's on the tip of my tongue I just can't think of the word! If any one can help it would massively appreciated my dad is currently doing it too my mum and it would be helpful for research and explaining too her what is going on as I'm much better at understanding mental health as someone who suffers from BPD",3.8986685032139583,5.2263303636363645,4.573994490358128,86.21533516988062,71.80991735537191,7.691827364554638,27.49403122130395,8.167268648758528,1.6391094582185493,478,17,99,7,9,153,85,121,0.095,0.7090000000000001,0.196,0.9168,1,0,2,0,1,0,2.0,0,5,1,1,7,4,0,0,6,0,11,1,0,0,2,19,17,11,0,4,6,2,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,5,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,12,3,15,14,3,11,0,1,1,0,15,7,0,5,4,70,22,2,0.0,0.22362500052880355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283490772861093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150536189174158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16692441852973033,0.0,0.0,0.2377103210811188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21230611227434695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466041216296488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726479435413724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16907318404974514,0.0,0.0,0.20062086426341805,0.0,0.0,0.3795235715434141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372608726323697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220840299825088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19020464630000827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874497363459593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789451585216646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20717888218973413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21143101521801028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118218167995718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198360966249396,0.2906011990986921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209364104854704,0.1854352322421752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19648408559084404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26814971872438603,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GabbieBarnes98,2020/01/15,FP being a fictional character??? So... like is this a thing... I am SO attached to a fictional character that I will stay home instead of doing ANYTHING and just sit in my bed and read stories and watch videos talking about said character and it’s like... I don’t wanna be around anyone or anything else and I get massively depressed when I think about how he doesn’t ACTUALLY exist... like I’ve gotten really mad and the super sad about it and cried and I wanna know if I’m alone on this...,2.556105383734252,4.670303350515468,4.3061168384879736,83.38627720504012,77.35051546391753,7.61008018327606,25.21076746849943,8.515128840125781,1.900240320733104,383,14,74,8,9,129,68,97,0.152,0.758,0.09,-0.7297,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,10,7,1,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,0,17,14,14,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,2,0,6,9,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,2,7,4,10,9,0,6,0,2,1,0,3,3,0,2,4,51,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.2343444597584564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487152288131313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791323444515102,0.0,0.3952336670289547,0.2137777570777412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637852833618482,0.0,0.0,0.2068344016626988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20060826208361324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254645558326531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24088252883154626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197604940591134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519645174367944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24020750722018264,0.0,0.1538414483092442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284305297865487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559599756663594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19301746213845267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15954002049566815,0.15387363108278432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thesavdevyl,2020/01/15,"i’m irrationally angry with my boyfriend for asking me to sleep in my own bed my boyfriend and i live together and he’s very claustrophobic and doesn’t like to cuddle for too long. he hates sleeping next to people because he can’t stretch out fully and he feels as though he has no room. i just woke up to him coughing and sneezing because he’s allergic to my parents cat that i had to take in about 2 weeks ago. i got up and got him allergy medication and water, and when i came back to give it to him, he asked me to sleep in a different bedroom and my brain immediately stopped all rational thought. i asked why and he said that it’s simply because he has no room to sleep. i immediately said “well when you want me to sleep in another room so badly you need to fucking tell me. every time i ask you if that’s what you want, you say ‘whatever you want’.” this, i know, is him trying to spare my feelings and it makes me enraged when people aren’t honest with me. i’m trying so hard at this point not to seem angry, but of course he says the golden statement “don’t be so angry about this.” i immediately decided to leave the situation because i would’ve said something very regrettable to him had i not. now i’m laying on the couch stewing because i’ve made myself angry beyond belief about something so menial, and because i’ve convinced myself that he hated me and wants to break up with me and that i’m annoying him beyond belief. i’m starting DBT in a few weeks and i think it’s going to help keep me from becoming irrational. i’m tired of this intrapersonal war that i am constantly waging. if i’m being honest, i might even need schema therapy, due to the fact that i really reacted to situations incorrectly from very early on. my behavioral pattern has been off since i was a child and i’ve never been able to keep stable moods. i just wish that i had tried to receive help earlier on, it would’ve saved me a lot of social grief. is anyone else going through DBT or schema therapy that is able to share their feelings about it? what’re some healthy coping mechanisms or mood management skills they’ve introduced to you?",6.2087549019607815,5.97861417647059,6.9477794117647065,76.79092401960786,66.05882352941177,10.095098039215683,32.06127450980392,9.725611199111238,2.8422098039215684,1695,61,333,32,24,563,206,425,0.139,0.773,0.08800000000000001,-0.9691,3,0,2,0,0,0,28.0,0,7,1,1,21,17,6,0,8,0,20,13,6,3,3,61,64,30,2,9,9,1,4,1,0,1,4,5,6,1,20,21,1,3,11,0,1,4,9,8,1,0,15,9,52,7,56,46,5,43,2,1,0,2,43,21,1,8,18,202,72,3,0.15919082786721184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055653193967729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346273156137415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565496410793192,0.08155490772582293,0.0,0.0,0.2976438697473872,0.0,0.0,0.061203960183253324,0.06645884593189984,0.29112375333602364,0.0879068811955924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885480573375579,0.0,0.09103594907982747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601436567338641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316026654033605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664917548810907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525720202209194,0.0,0.06706256916111654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207374985782803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358467759820585,0.0,0.07635517385781893,0.09047181603100428,0.0,0.12731944740429155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130185675191521,0.15716798513998242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670225632075743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149612218509391,0.0,0.0,0.04374355789800439,0.0,0.0,0.0842800506851914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038886298728305416,0.0,0.07028420875895743,0.07043943660963532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676691745674137,0.0,0.0753151052005733,0.0531305568692004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018400567585926,0.0,0.08443815582459263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803798176388187,0.061388890127218224,0.0,0.0846506257086733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838128769109797,0.0,0.0,0.11036287604861067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524339367866831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05099086032292498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271403974517396,0.1265949357719819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246067545047331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584214892219108,0.1789371603569722,0.3982644839481683,0.08113750081847608,0.0,0.12255287665235735,0.0,0.0,0.056338043657553474,0.0,0.0,0.06654533009520254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059845845506586,0.0,0.0695699000878533,0.0,0.18204858528437312,0.0,0.0,0.051001527326703384,0.07820209006177778,0.06318986776927014,0.04641272595404872,0.09148321935828033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212018384218185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19702365720396134,0.1877897495364224,0.0,0.12769327987236453,0.0,0.07156583615124178,0.0,0.07182248080040944,0.0,0.09153079787018788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308459670888504,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dinosaur-pudge,2020/01/15,"DAE have a crush on absolutely everyone It’s just so hard to not develop feelings for ANYONE and EVERYONE when they’re the tiniest bit nice to you. Even though if I think hard about it, I know it’s stupid af",2.1277906976744205,4.145850558139537,3.6955232558139532,87.71444767441862,78.30232558139534,8.020930232558143,24.703488372093023,8.841846274778883,1.7944930232558134,166,6,36,4,4,55,36,43,0.201,0.735,0.064,-0.6037,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,6,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,4,5,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,1,5,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116650854513371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304859387236048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19994013707079936,0.0,0.0,0.5785135420531906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306159635159525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5423456413686631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663640264410309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939672913780002,0.29741555566002564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kitsmin,2020/01/15,"how do i break up with my boyfriend? well... i don’t want to get into much detail, but its obvious that he doesnt care about my feelings at all. when i’m depressed, he gets angry at me. when i feel suicidal, he gets angry. the only time he doesnt get angry is when im “happy”. he’s the only person i have in my life right now. i don’t really have any close friends or family members. i just rely on him for everything. i’m constantly suicidal and its very tiring having to hide my feelings all the time in fear of getting him mad and having a fight. i don’t know how to leave. help please",0.9227333333333334,2.7614747600000022,3.2933000000000017,90.00448333333334,81.4,6.406666666666666,20.016666666666666,7.492282038375204,0.5793866666666658,455,12,100,7,12,157,78,125,0.313,0.58,0.107,-0.9884,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,9,8,2,1,4,0,11,2,0,2,3,18,24,9,2,1,3,0,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,0,3,14,4,14,24,3,17,0,1,0,0,11,9,0,1,7,61,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328738565371264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985031686306212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800253595264151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348432202184525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497209753849249,0.0,0.15704688162963415,0.18746084753243306,0.25269978357348033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870755818281684,0.0,0.4351838133962304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733889321909513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166223168676764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17994653836655874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915538895846252,0.0,0.0,0.1763954928542894,0.0,0.0,0.11766793498208393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246332944504745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25339946175252537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454605697046747,0.0,0.182866557533668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672226540683596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226754381552753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644463644683912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19428074859508854,0.1914714981232961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745477066794518,0.09825950848734226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978504209235988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HellFlavoredHaven,2020/01/15,"Existing New to the bpd diagnosis and I currently see a therapist. I was misdiagnosed as clinically depressed, then bipolar 2, then bipolar 1. Everything was sort of sudden. I just turned 23 a month ago. Since I was roughly 12, I've been on anti- depressants. Partly because I was sexually abused as a young child, something that you just don't really get over. But I've lived with it. So up until about six months ago, I thought I just had chronic depression. But no medications have ever worked. I just kept getting worse and worse, more depressed, and then more symptoms kept showing up. Symptoms I didn't quite understand at the time, but it turns out I am ""quite moody"". I only recently noticed my extreme impulses. And i would dissociate quite frequently. I've always been very sensitive and emotional, but I thought that was just how I am. Within the past year, my emotions have become extremely fast changing and I haven't felt like my self. Like, I'm thinking about myself two years ago, and I compared it to the person I am today and it seems like we are two completely different people. I don't recognize myself now. And it scares me. Even typing this message I don't feel like myself. The other day, I was in some sort of mood after my husband and I got into an argument, and I decided to cut off 18in of my hair. And immediately I hated myself. Sometimes, I'll find myself missing time. I will sit in my reading chair for hours, and just stare. And I'm constantly trying to get myself out of my head, but when it finally happens it's 3 hours later and I'm in such a fog. I tried to figure out where I've been, but I'm still in the same spot as before. I just get trapped in my head and lose myself. Tomorrow I'll be back to my normal self. But for now I'm just here. I'm just existing. And I guess that's ok.",2.397530668777208,4.638287360110809,4.187696082311042,83.40976731301942,78.44598337950139,7.449814008705977,25.826751088246933,8.418075326091056,1.9513768262762168,1431,56,278,30,35,482,190,361,0.149,0.8270000000000001,0.024,-0.9901,2,1,1,0,1,0,51.0,1,1,0,5,23,16,2,1,11,1,24,10,3,1,1,60,51,34,0,2,16,1,4,4,0,2,7,0,0,4,12,23,0,2,10,2,0,0,6,10,0,3,17,6,46,5,36,31,5,54,0,6,2,0,8,17,0,5,40,186,58,3,0.0,0.10555648743545186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23691739460896816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412959937721103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850432500832336,0.0,0.05430813125071497,0.09839235144033501,0.07580860128196401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220510435390446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424487633095248,0.0,0.0934086439445974,0.09627409801313326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05745535619823725,0.0,0.3069306172867763,0.0,0.0,0.0930795639661362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20042738888553047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05884277338876238,0.08058655166140596,0.0,0.0,0.08006789652718438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04504632716866592,0.06364555536987505,0.08553988944471637,0.09759319070197027,0.08142618743265713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861823432647676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125301025251489,0.0,0.09814212639075054,0.0,0.07878154910359493,0.0,0.0,0.08795743529255058,0.18286305510576012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754704201796637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409851509468033,0.0,0.07866765917369327,0.0,0.0,0.0996683603606416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974829682330415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422207751223122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604319258754327,0.0,0.0,0.08728879281975033,0.0,0.10142898426936464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775657796605662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964752449255534,0.08504600679206525,0.0617634406911793,0.07778951355316824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842729429814643,0.08911360716028388,0.0,0.057073013863103865,0.0,0.08796513171119309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919412956371822,0.0,0.07099279567039059,0.08110373326365375,0.1858795528006481,0.0,0.0,0.07369575360004832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858544829256988,0.08811179180833544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114698840545522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519620093849787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343977407185384,0.0,0.057084953219503534,0.0,0.14145422047652084,0.10389760576794732,0.0,0.08444642740480295,0.0,0.0,0.1209718426833952,0.1938075828634658,0.17405498921207707,0.09274530961606317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350816628541036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485821579631965,0.0,0.1815796197456731,0.06328662347326601,0.0,0.0,0.11474143195265553 bpd,IntricateByDesign,2020/01/15,"Not good enough to stick around? Idk When everyone you know has someone “better” to talk to and/or hang out with. I know this isn’t the case logically, but I can’t help but feel like I’m just being thrown back in time to school because that’s exactly how it was. I was just an add on that was “accepted/allowed” (?) to hang out with said group. But I may as well have no been there half the time, I know I certainly wasn’t mentally - I was off in my own self destructive head. I guess what I’m trying to say is that does anyone else get this sense that you’re the last resort to talk to? And if someone else message them or whatever it’s automatically a “oh hey I gotta go, sorry!” I know it’s just my mind telling me and re-enforcing it, but it’s so damn toxic and destructive thinking this way ugh.",0.7233200266134396,2.8747434910179663,2.584021956087824,93.06116932801064,84.14970059880241,6.345841650033268,20.056220891550232,7.594959193182576,0.5486995342648044,621,18,143,11,18,206,106,167,0.159,0.758,0.084,-0.9315,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,1,1,10,9,3,0,5,0,13,1,1,1,2,32,26,13,0,1,10,0,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,13,9,0,0,7,0,0,3,5,4,1,1,7,3,15,5,18,16,2,16,0,0,0,0,12,7,1,4,6,87,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150150347748212,0.1685391536674447,0.0,0.1464307220668259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648243910789628,0.0,0.1002714048076176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547778766250669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394605991345638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27482010356009223,0.0,0.0,0.16996184864037428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717697374385836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831709433302627,0.11751148676496515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593908812359732,0.0,0.09348329689663908,0.1379661705442072,0.0,0.0,0.1812039681236088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16881390503218585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025399007969844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615969869682363,0.1340810735890136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036136707997107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657669464454446,0.0,0.16608772352661202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646738873112953,0.13080882517410175,0.0,0.16647237539509072,0.0,0.0,0.17159864881271664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787432070240868,0.0,0.0,0.18413277132529132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26442120769525745,0.1437712629257612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539836891591436,0.0,0.0,0.19183055366801924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116777205243134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056428107023224,0.0,0.0,0.1478960100964494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hauntingit,2020/01/15,"Dating bf who might have bpd but wont get help Ive been dating someone for 6 months and the first few were great but i noticed hed get “episodes” of extreme behavior . Sometimes incredibly self deprecating, needy and irritable. Sometimes completely opposite retellings of the same story. Like one time the person is his friend, the next time that person is just his coworker that he hates. He has extreme stances on money that hell use for an excuse not to do something, then blow $300 on something trivial. Around December he got so on edge and blew up over the smallest things, like me throwing away some broken tupperware or my asking to meet his coworkers. Hed also demand that i lay in bed with him and tell him all the reasons i loved him and wasnt going to leave ect. my patience wore out and i tried to call it quits. We worked it out, but it hasnt been the same since. Now i feel hes much, much worse. His texts make no sense at all. The weirdest stuff sets him off. One minute he blames me for everything, says that i said all sorts of nasty things that i never did. His accounts of events are completely false. Accuses me of being emotionally abusive ect. When i suggested couples counseling he said he would not go because he didnt want anyone judging him. He tells me he cant deal with me being “tactless” and that every fight is my fault because of my tone, and tells me to get my stuff. I say fine, and then he does a 180, demands that i tell him something good about him, and tried to act like we are ok again. Plays the victim constantly. So heres my question- how do you talk someone into getting therapy without their possible BPD telling them it makes them a bad person? Because i want him to be happy and i dont think he can be without help.",4.7136223506743695,5.7852596445086695,4.9700722543352605,85.1072856454721,69.60693641618496,7.9631984585741815,29.44556840077071,8.212053250817874,1.929397302504816,1391,52,277,19,24,438,199,346,0.185,0.706,0.109,-0.9844,0,0,3,0,1,0,34.0,2,1,3,3,11,17,4,0,12,1,30,1,0,5,4,48,50,22,0,3,9,0,1,3,2,3,0,4,1,4,17,19,0,0,4,1,2,4,12,6,0,3,10,5,47,11,34,31,9,33,1,0,0,1,61,13,1,5,18,178,64,1,0.0,0.10437920412000454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045023791709368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061598682826365075,0.0,0.0,0.07842400449897224,0.0823577493115668,0.0,0.08276897274819872,0.0,0.07355637429980692,0.16110727975845446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219073365400579,0.0,0.08995573617890451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18473369377373544,0.09520034222555164,0.0,0.0,0.097476408012479,0.0,0.0,0.09082297692434076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709329224717203,0.0,0.1032477072092152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909599989538892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422457265924362,0.0,0.07917489031814337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044543920441364765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493430468397871,0.0,0.0,0.06806265305206281,0.0,0.18410583075775064,0.0,0.1001338297444851,0.07389063870440432,0.07045831745642332,0.0971260111359826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377969508724253,0.0,0.08697643617487172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809761356081988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328080960898834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291175811565092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795099649959563,0.0,0.11760935878521547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345579971977716,0.0,0.0,0.07031728545189983,0.0,0.12952120638912912,0.0,0.06794496829924566,0.0,0.09369096050389443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029773545856928,0.0,0.0,0.11939208714942393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307657552131177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931486031040976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868753959778273,0.0937008050133704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057722992869842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675986982047739,0.14011474845118066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190320867477886,0.0,0.0,0.07287381661407474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492866948490407,0.2034615213405009,0.1742581422703291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20169739597087807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080812581274068,0.38499838050949603,0.0,0.10074530856019692,0.0,0.1170539672241808,0.056448278348813975,0.0,0.0,0.10273882414535566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962263018599024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608654918327358,0.0,0.0,0.1039224569195977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984255598521505,0.0,0.06413484485833366,0.0,0.0897772209645396,0.06258078068030992,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sexual_toast,2020/01/15,"I fucked up big time and dont know if I can come back from this. Please help So I know I fucked up terribly and I dont know what to do. Long story short, my grandfather(who I loved the most in the world) passed away. Then I had to deal with relatives being greedy and stealing his things and so much more. I was a wreck, a complete and total wreck and I was nothing close to myself. On top of that my ""friends"" were putting into my head that my bf was abusive and how I deserved better and all that. All during this entire family matter. Rationally I knew they were wrong, but my head was so fucked up and I kept splitting that I believed them after a while. So on my way back from leaving his house to head home to my bf, I ended up staying at a friends house instead cause I was so wretched and didnt want to see my ""abusive"" bf. They said they would comfort me and make me feel better. Well I ended up blowing up my thoughts to my bf over text after I told him I wasn't coming home(also after my friends gave me quite a few drinks). He replied back and it seemed like we were done for, broken up. This fucked me up even more than I already was and I ended up saying ""fuck it"" and slept with one of my friends cause I thought my relationship was completely over, i was drunk, not myself at all.Well, of course I realized after this happened that I'd made the biggest fucking mistake of my life. So I called my bf of 2+ yrs and asked for his forgiveness and if i could come home. Which he said sure, so I went home and tried my hardest to tell him what I had done and apologize to him. But I just couldn't, not then. So I gave myself a date for when I would tell him what I did, in my calendar and everything, even told my friends that I had to be the one to tell him and that I would tell him, but I needed time. Well low and behold the ""friend"" I slept with got my bfs number, and told him I had slept with him and was a whore who flirted with everyone. Well of course my bfs anger and sad reaction was justified, and I tried to explain about my split to him and how I honestly thought i would never see him again....we are in the works at the moment about it....I hate myself for what I've done, I've been trying for weeks to tell him what happened but because someone else told him out of spit for me, he has lost all trust and we can never go back from that....I just feel like I'm going to burst and I have had rampant thoughts and disassociation since. I'm not looking for sympathy because I know I was in the wrong, truly all of this is my fault. But I just want to know who else has maybe been in my situation before and dealt with something like this....or advice in general on what to do would be good. I dont want to give up on the happiest years of my life because I decided to fuck it up with my impulsive bpd ass. I've never cheated on him before and I never in a million years thought I would but I wasnt myself because of everything that had happened...I dont want to lose the only person I have left...I'm horrible at being alone...",2.9993077713111944,3.9363188866141736,4.0651917151660415,90.5042168777816,73.51968503937006,7.159534406025332,24.98545018829168,7.423996415210882,0.9256696336870937,2363,71,534,26,46,768,241,635,0.153,0.7140000000000001,0.134,-0.9452,0,1,2,0,0,0,79.0,2,0,4,7,26,43,10,0,18,0,55,21,8,6,10,112,115,53,0,16,14,0,2,3,11,6,2,3,3,1,26,46,2,1,18,2,0,8,15,21,3,3,51,8,106,22,86,52,10,76,0,4,3,10,63,39,8,4,30,377,132,1,0.0,0.1257314237330432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05184820619154083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054952661698519256,0.05855143519088388,0.04243090752763362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04960258685478805,0.0,0.04985025931309058,0.16319501575750295,0.0,0.1293760114291196,0.0,0.0902978452766392,0.05977882243049655,0.0,0.09385196086271268,0.0,0.0,0.06682539303497571,0.0,0.05417871729374514,0.0,0.0,0.10901150395065172,0.0,0.137115741872925,0.1112617715638641,0.0,0.0,0.04236293901682478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05470104075157513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289197091767832,0.2487369267476352,0.051977184620126585,0.0,0.0,0.08864722930570032,0.0,0.14098239422561148,0.0,0.0,0.0700893507762283,0.0,0.0,0.050699723391965,0.0953712165898748,0.0,0.0500188838743444,0.0,0.05365599961181188,0.03790504252913884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24595744938173736,0.3433624559969673,0.0,0.05089860102019659,0.060308799457512635,0.04450299886444592,0.042435773688434465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938390104989689,0.0,0.0,0.05238433864144082,0.16336015548556845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03556403121115306,0.0,0.2128882285034393,0.0,0.0,0.12244489814494533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457979720405285,0.0,0.0,0.05618134904355568,0.057648275612957475,0.0,0.0749536535145333,0.07776519012882249,0.0,0.0,0.04695515181142003,0.044555823338320005,0.05935895156109896,0.05791968086984845,0.0,0.04788741772936207,0.05020528795516012,0.03541699768900956,0.0,0.05330445038323575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03900414316295188,0.03934224647445967,0.1636881153057842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05091111483599842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190770051522015,0.0403534222383097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04632868395001095,0.0,0.05824236056688242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05333850297766622,0.0,0.056434304699806814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056965031814081614,0.0,0.0,0.10094167281091708,0.04219429281265195,0.0,0.0,0.08456159816691065,0.048302516032185314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043890585260710435,0.05964003925690639,0.0,0.0,0.04495634174933542,0.04084706809928207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05655336031603728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05000706047603315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318775800432532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0352497465294349,0.0,0.0,0.21061283116819904,0.061877740596695416,0.0,0.0,0.20279889356786,0.0,0.1080698286414699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518124253289525,0.04211541154825297,0.04256037264276512,0.0,0.14311803995319464,0.0491858123615516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0386272602043662,0.0,0.0,0.2261476522913829,0.11602240196294225,0.0,0.06833594007851668 bpd,Djbigp3n15,2020/01/15,"What to do when you push FP away and now they don’t want anything to do with you What do you do when you feel like you got too good with the FP then pushed them away, then feel that big void suck you back in? Now they want nothing to do with me and it’s so hard trying to keep everything stable. Kinda need some help",1.180434782608696,2.674551318840585,1.8921014492753616,101.97989130434786,79.28985507246377,5.179710144927537,15.847826086956525,5.46131890053228,-1.0935043478260873,247,3,63,1,6,76,44,69,0.062,0.772,0.165,0.7068,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,6,3,0,9,3,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,13,14,7,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,3,10,2,10,13,1,13,0,0,0,0,10,4,1,2,8,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192550049994077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5006527917900204,0.20487365906177665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394564566968713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26943717417016216,0.19034269456798414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22347477156113932,0.2130940627153884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386752792944358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17858715038314335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368215080226489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301676931359275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19755970986049595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556535525291804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18089327973804212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31430297162656884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,deltapickle,2020/01/15,"I called them! they do want to help me! Today i called 13-MHCALL which transferred me to one of the acute care teams near me, the last time that i called i hung up crying, believing that no-one not even professionals wanted to help me because they were unable to see me for a month or so... I did this to myself, they were trying to hep me but i didn't accept it or see it as help if that makes any sense. However it went a lot different today, after months of trying to build myself back up to call them, get past all my fears and anxities the acute care team and i have an appointment next wednesday and it gets better... They're coming to my home! (I was in therapy for a few months last year but it got a bit much and so i stopped. This has been a constant thing throughout my life so having them come to my house gives me no choice. I've been on and off different types of medication - and self medicating. I have been diagnosed with bpd, mdd, ptsd, panic disorder, social and general anxiety. I am excited to have a team but im vey anxious about all of it, i hope that the horrifying picture my mind is painting doesn't match the day.)",3.942195652173911,4.842288208695656,4.945815217391306,85.2069836956522,71.26086956521739,8.532608695652174,25.67934782608696,8.841846274778883,1.653673913043478,888,26,189,16,16,291,134,230,0.136,0.775,0.08900000000000001,-0.9229999999999999,3,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,6,4,6,8,0,2,12,0,17,4,0,1,2,28,32,17,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,14,10,0,1,1,3,0,3,4,2,0,1,10,2,32,6,27,22,6,26,0,0,2,0,19,6,0,5,17,128,46,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136697828466207,0.0,0.0802835147187208,0.11855927365912194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806971086153979,0.0,0.06397419674897534,0.0,0.0,0.11823836908701865,0.0,0.09281633810140676,0.11457401101658997,0.0,0.13217599753225706,0.0,0.4286469964835584,0.0,0.21399918102553334,0.0,0.0,0.18080362505256767,0.0,0.11340950141865246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152784138901754,0.06768158242712688,0.0,0.0,0.10651812946109078,0.0,0.2192927726048404,0.12027737584161398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693159399031705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809359142566693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966005996614643,0.1006739063894424,0.0,0.0,0.08393502026072999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21102956921520133,0.0,0.10526954158948852,0.10423520300981047,0.0,0.12109376256547474,0.0,0.0,0.11335984692295215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710902325255096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412656680362019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922146072951449,0.0,0.0,0.07005236761858401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21144440313563206,0.0,0.0,0.10596569104488793,0.0,0.25130103835086753,0.0,0.07714749283638092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161141724687487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111422480430064,0.0,0.0,0.12313169084849622,0.0,0.0,0.1001829716090378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226764290581005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725698245849993,0.0,0.10948171856238986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069793800389088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773967753820959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001506451532115,0.0,0.06972155641267552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06119494189977887,0.0,0.1989533514457581,0.0,0.0,0.14250308907124715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379991237352582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972861290904769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758187746426747 bpd,tambourinetime,2020/01/15,"What can I do to help him? My partner is currently in the Emergency room again (2nd time in 3 months). He started a really bad depressive episode 2 days ago. We've been through this before to varying degrees and ultimately I am a comfort and help to him. This time he has been angry at me for Not leaving him alone. But I couldn't because I knew if I did he was going to self harm or worse. So I did my best to stay back but check on him. He told me today that he is sick of trying, and no longer wants to fix what is wrong. This would ultimately spell the end of our relationship since he would not be taking meds or going to therapy (which he hasn't successfully pursued for long periods). I don't want this to happen. We are actually perfect matches for each other and as long as I know he is trying I don't mind taking the emotional support role when needed. He is struggling because his.meds have been drastically changed and he is yet to figure out what to do with his life having lost his job 3.months ago. I have told him time and again that he has as long as he needs and I will support him.",4.737142857142857,5.0294162857142855,5.663392857142856,82.95660714285714,69.17857142857143,8.721428571428572,29.839285714285715,8.634040054169528,2.061271428571429,864,31,182,13,14,285,128,224,0.147,0.755,0.098,-0.8959,2,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,0,0,4,6,12,0,1,5,0,30,2,0,0,1,30,47,18,0,8,7,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,2,11,11,0,0,3,0,1,2,7,6,0,0,10,0,25,6,26,32,2,29,0,2,0,0,30,6,0,3,20,120,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.12012108407474148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21822916661608224,0.0,0.0,0.1274873019900895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465097601320924,0.10277757539432886,0.15007279110360072,0.0,0.10474313995010248,0.0,0.1291785871820786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021615099316744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938484965276275,0.0,0.10601988447809826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846314065199206,0.10902392782192684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991326155011044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885079903468614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501338595300147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215088261628965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764873444364691,0.0,0.0,0.13033779238976165,0.0,0.0,0.08694427863469009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268004915838848,0.0,0.0,0.13437063133964536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136728656140184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242889150974988,0.0,0.19650343497357908,0.0,0.0,0.18254390969357268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788565753403431,0.0,0.0,0.13215589544323322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284129220406343,0.0,0.0,0.10182386302508688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712591150795007,0.13120083909164426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286836075737649,0.0,0.0,0.27936912387104795,0.0,0.0,0.1851013454218936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076765806818378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153296844435079,0.0,0.1166778414898923,0.2352414149598731,0.0,0.1671442347429678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520696884383927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544235879228907,0.17488357646315894,0.13458295321356326,0.0,0.0 bpd,Karina-E-Lovett,2020/01/15,"If You’re Trying to Reach Me While I’m Running, I See You Chasing Me. I want to be so unreachable so no one can get to me and hurt me..but they can’t reach me to help either — yet I’m always looking over my shoulder. So scared that I’m being chased, but if you’re running to reach me; I only see danger. I can’t let you get close enough to figure why you’re even trying..because then you’re dangerous. But I’m always tired from all this running. When I’m looking behind my shoulder: someone trying to reach me to let me rest looks the same as someone trying to hurt & break me. Sometimes people catch up because I get tired of running, and I find out their role too late. I have to push & trip them to protect me if they get to close. I’ve been running my entire life, so I’m always exhausted, but when I take a breath.. if I’m not also ruining your efforts to reach me then I’m make you run from me instead. I’m sorry — I couldn’t even see you, I can’t settle when I’m always ready to run. Just incase you were going to hurt me, I had to hurt you first to stay safe. But now I’m running after you, and I don’t want you to see me chasing. Because then I’m in danger again. You can’t reach me if I’m running or even when I rest, because I’ll always see you lunging when I glance over my shoulder.",1.0228975265017688,2.54932907067138,3.001478445229683,93.70562402826856,79.84805653710248,5.0933710247349815,21.567349823321557,5.414198509911553,-0.03731366784452295,1009,29,230,4,25,340,117,283,0.163,0.754,0.083,-0.9856,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,11,4,2,20,11,3,1,2,0,15,9,5,1,1,28,45,28,0,8,13,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,6,0,2,2,0,0,13,8,10,0,2,3,9,47,1,29,37,6,37,0,5,9,0,17,7,0,6,15,141,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687887682770146,0.399958816176646,0.2083237928118437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344112588362846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933283315011833,0.0,0.19048816815018504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786536499576722,0.08177211816869201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20090563076228515,0.0,0.05463555972849634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443705624722115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.411656695624218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844411760610256,0.0,0.0,0.1966084676151832,0.0679027745585835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421867822755875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417065204573072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514335390154644,0.07311476370885574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666476895312474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624759548121352,0.0,0.3830345064852583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290922166679206,0.0,0.09507966652710327,0.10761491474610367,0.0,0.1024667883687786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228132273938058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22098536824734824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19580743210612453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340546180349158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674660489350171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,israelipita,2020/01/15,DAE not have a personality I seriously have no clue who I am. I’m a 21 year old girl and I feel like I have no real personality. Yes I have certain interests but nothing that makes me a unique person. The way I act is just a combination of people I have met in my life and traits I adopted from them. Do normal people also feel this way or is it just us?,1.9460964912280687,3.139134750000004,5.0315789473684225,81.5493859649123,76.5,7.698245614035088,23.19298245614036,8.344100000000001,1.213524561403509,275,8,62,5,6,101,53,76,0.048,0.8340000000000001,0.11800000000000001,0.4037,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,5,1,9,1,0,1,1,13,14,5,0,1,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,2,12,3,3,13,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,1,3,43,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534997427444365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22173879136271896,0.15664638396026487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487673940263202,0.10712414513449944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636428951233915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21483784179441065,0.2103952801613208,0.0,0.230086762646602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040281317050753,0.5743737769581696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24957702874688995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263754563050116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480923110934755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120255767548628 bpd,burgerznfryz,2020/01/15,"I’m in a new relationship and I’m terrified. I’m falling for this guy hard, and there’s a lot of uncertainty right now. I haven’t been in a relationship in a long time. My heart feels so full but I’m still just so worried we aren’t going to make it and I don’t know how to shut it off. Someone please reach out if you can. I’m very sad and I can’t talk to him about it.",-1.4117441860465119,0.3811080581395352,1.622139534883722,98.75018604651164,90.51162790697674,5.300465116279073,16.73953488372093,6.742157984588678,-0.4471962790697672,287,7,78,4,10,101,58,86,0.188,0.7609999999999999,0.051,-0.8747,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,1,0,0,8,1,0,0,4,0,6,1,1,2,0,14,15,9,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,2,7,0,11,14,2,15,0,1,0,0,7,8,0,2,5,47,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120693324117545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565807240059727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363494160371664,0.0,0.0,0.21382730821350035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828593180843162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118266007512405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21124099439260727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20293324894924095,0.0,0.0,0.15933335367062884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305368624659008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620196866007949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5125465258568906,0.0,0.2038475364044968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20224878355251774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19062523120819247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19185711527395988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391872345223118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969515717797016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424102959262415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Dylann2019,2020/01/15,"Feel like I’m fighting myself constantly, and battling several small breakdowns every day. Sudden, fleeting feelings of being exposed, and afraid. Hypertriggered sense of being useless and horrible and causing bad things to happen constantly. Feeling like Im a bad person and never having the will to believe I’m not. Heavy, heavy chest and limbs. Going catatonic, sometimes hating myself so intensely I feel like my body is on fire. Dissociating nearly every damn time I’m in certain public spaces. Feeling fine and stable and good and then one tiny thing causing me to spiral. Panicked attacks in public bathrooms when I don’t know why I’m upset and my tears don’t feel like they belong to me. Suddenly becoming numb and stony cold in order to get my body to where I’m supposed to be. And then coming home and being able to think, “today was better than it usually is.” How is this compared to your experience?",5.353089500860584,7.7381632590361455,6.023442340791742,72.99638554216871,70.02409638554218,7.634423407917385,30.531841652323585,8.418075326091056,2.7812492254733225,735,31,109,12,14,239,108,166,0.20800000000000002,0.664,0.128,-0.9477,0,0,0,0,2,0,18.0,0,1,1,1,4,19,5,2,2,0,12,4,3,3,2,28,30,18,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,4,14,0,0,8,0,0,2,4,11,0,1,1,8,11,8,17,24,0,23,0,1,0,0,6,8,1,0,16,68,15,0,0.12562131113483935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429123766971787,0.0,0.0,0.2097770951838386,0.0,0.13873886858326173,0.0,0.1415321997584075,0.0,0.11110184119119793,0.0,0.27907391474678034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580953810364296,0.0,0.10821163627160386,0.0,0.2715040190967648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101535329019463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21168274526764927,0.0,0.0,0.12288174712959042,0.0,0.0,0.38110745644707655,0.35897555910021617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563195023954184,0.0,0.07139348606218034,0.10536519571716534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110865105657874,0.0,0.0,0.12402503728528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260084176038862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569257275084687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690381873186035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24548890897184175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688689945536896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512425153005264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968768344309142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191632489775954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424268884096452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669144343897967,0.08049306380897872,0.0,0.0,0.07325079674254861,0.0,0.11907431444145815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383541265698682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335369415416666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wallflower1221,2020/01/15,"Advice and coping mechanisms for a positive relationship Hi all, I’ve been out of a relationship for over two years. My bpd led to a major depressive episode that only compounded my exe and is issues and after recognizing it was mentally unhealthy i left. I moved away, stayed dbt therapy, ingested in the gym and my entire life has turned around, which the exception of a few regresses. It wasn’t planned but a few months back i met someone who i started talking to very heavily. We like one another, I like him a lot, he lives across the country but we’ve made it a point to see each other at least twice a month and talk daily. I’ve insisted things move very slowly because am scared about my bpd but have told him about it. I’ve shared slot to the point of tapering off, and he’s accepting of it and he welcomes it shockingly. If things keep progressing one of us is hoping to move for the other, with specific points, i have a flexible job and would have my own space etc. anyway, I’m in kinda a grey area because today was our first breakdown in communication, something that dbt doesn't really teach you about. He’s been swamped at work and i panicked this morning after last night he was so overwhelmed and sad. He had barley been talking to me all day and so instead of me addressing it i reacted by withdrawing myself and focusing on what’s in front of me. I had full on anxiety he was trying to leave and have a few times since we’ve met but always grounded myself before it was a real issue. Today i didn’t do that. After going to the gym i decided to be vulnerable and message him and we talked and we’re good now. We got it all into the open and he stated if i need reassurance to just ask and he was willing to. He was hurt and thought i was trying to end things when this isn’t further from the truth. Anyway, everything online seems to be geared towards how absolutely terrible and exhausting it is dating someone with bpd but i can’t really find any sources on what i can do to be more thoughtful or how to make it easier. I need any help or coping mechanisms or advice to help. I don’t want to wear him out or be a burden. I’m willing and ready to do it and put in the work to build something positive. I’m starting outpatient therapy again to help and instead of meds going to take some 5thp and get re-evaluated but i was wondering if anyone had any advice personally from this thread on how to maintain a positive healthy relationship.",4.068452744325433,5.567284698151951,5.438109773017371,79.51729452244855,71.62833675564681,9.043098951107165,28.767911648815137,9.498858831193498,2.6595328153615627,1956,76,375,46,37,656,242,487,0.081,0.775,0.14300000000000002,0.9872,1,0,2,0,0,0,34.0,5,1,0,5,18,18,0,2,23,0,41,4,1,7,4,78,68,43,0,8,15,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,1,1,27,35,1,1,7,2,0,8,6,9,0,5,24,2,38,9,65,37,15,61,0,4,2,0,41,30,0,13,23,264,65,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232789576201693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607377197136162,0.0,0.0,0.16200037805339626,0.08326615466070142,0.060746861029626315,0.0,0.0,0.055523881885403116,0.0,0.0,0.07068990703998485,0.07423570984485152,0.0,0.07460637883445348,0.0610598086011442,0.0,0.09681269319131516,0.0,0.06757031302818857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000345830028273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05121155565212383,0.0,0.06839394718174556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033187026854094,0.0,0.08856084987876513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713667412452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257742367587519,0.06754435795593396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041487374130312143,0.0,0.09025873087478063,0.06660361727904243,0.06350978814469464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967641625022766,0.0,0.0,0.07887000729622183,0.0,0.0,0.08500784811162207,0.0,0.0,0.1657625287345098,0.0788001331541535,0.07058143061786676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647280740957026,0.0,0.0840815487809007,0.08627696523143012,0.0,0.05608818034436165,0.07758942233306426,0.0,0.07011867077972281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750979568825778,0.0,0.0751377181240039,0.05300542029620574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820432631403803,0.0,0.08002453220972927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267653291528621,0.2531942378128318,0.0,0.11775997096573605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451897769737773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761775805535602,0.060393320882634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933595518466107,0.0,0.0,0.2251985265053391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798269179428202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038362669667363,0.1017415266072078,0.0,0.0,0.2557632479188751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950120636681808,0.0,0.06327785165633708,0.07229001131410688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568707317369081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456418922504235,0.1222642320775853,0.0,0.0,0.11241070520251642,0.08463830443890308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05970489264525802,0.2553003949929023,0.0,0.0,0.18161981251360967,0.0,0.15826533179354313,0.0,0.0,0.12608207769467092,0.046303411657126745,0.0,0.15053889498980366,0.075877694966968,0.0,0.10782556516655503,0.08637304223971105,0.07757002441869441,0.0,0.09551798130605403,0.0,0.0,0.13103974277428154,0.04683686369974556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611452967955699,0.11561986027170727,0.0,0.0,0.05640912622408568,0.0,0.0,0.05113611347020139 bpd,ArtisticPrince,2020/01/15,"Disinterested and unmotivated in everything? Not sure what motivated me to write this, but I did. Anyways, since I've never posted here before I'll give some quick info basically I'm a recently diagnosed 17m, but suspected before then that I had BPD. I've felt disinterest and suicidal before now, but recently it's been days and I feel like it's getting worse. To the point I would have admitted myself into the hospital if my dad didn't complain about costs last time. My grades are slipping and last term I had All A's, but now I have a D and two C's. Usually that's the one thing I can keep up even when everything in my life is falling apart. The only other time it was nearly this bad was when I had to call the police on my mom to check her into a psych ward on my 16th birthday. Nothing has happened recently though. My mom lost custody completely in fall and I shouldn't have any reason to be so stressed. Yet, everything feels overwhelming like I can't even fathom doing things that matter to me. And if I'm not feeling flooded by that, I'm completely checked out and not doing anything. Things I want to do, I just find I can't. I feel worthless and like my existence is pointless. I just want to disappear. Not even die, just not be here, be alive. I don't know how to fix this feeling. Therapist suggested distract, self soothe, and TIPP, but nothing is working. I don't know what to do",3.087446236559142,5.0048597562724035,4.5924955197132595,82.84207661290326,75.0931899641577,8.090860215053763,27.39560931899641,8.841846274778883,2.211889964157705,1108,44,219,24,24,370,152,279,0.142,0.746,0.11199999999999999,-0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,3,19,11,0,3,9,0,30,2,0,3,3,54,49,23,2,6,15,3,6,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,16,13,0,1,14,0,3,3,12,7,0,2,10,6,28,4,22,34,3,34,0,3,0,0,11,12,0,3,21,151,44,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203533343629713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871705182432984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844626698484019,0.0,0.0,0.2704132594677388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341383204615254,0.0,0.10816532400670707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221290235705705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831542367097987,0.0,0.0,0.10751567681813153,0.10993754893419397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20989526094794764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28560638914983866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678043553268754,0.0756756787803401,0.10170842502520012,0.0,0.09681716136580587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055343515826025966,0.1016167223189921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367264012599258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415453747817308,0.0,0.0,0.11643158548609815,0.17269250070403264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482076563320501,0.15525463515723287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563398619582133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481254635480138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816989535397391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20328341115651316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178021290755066,0.0805637565673808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013711783331733,0.0,0.10145067372764527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089126256871792,0.3137762415251413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050702007255282,0.0,0.0,0.08762554029895485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134127955811327,0.0,0.0,0.11586910242758555,0.0,0.09983680251576547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299170099594545,0.21112350633026924,0.0,0.1040746771838924,0.0,0.1235360708921256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347721358688304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666579715320298,0.0,0.12495930445086413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711755324223986,0.0,0.10795067225883516,0.07524890247594694,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,NotEvenSureLOLcry,2020/01/15,"Having an episode. Pretty sure this is how a lobster feels as it’s being boiled alive. It’s like being trapped inside yourself, screaming in agony like a witch being burned at the stake, unable to move. Even so much as breathing is excruciating. I laid in the bed sobbing quietly and gasping for air until I finally tried to claw my way out of my own chest. The physical pain of the scratches allowed it to let up enough for me to get some medicine, and now I’m in a warm bath waiting for it to kick in. The episode is trying to reignite but I think the meds will beat it to the punch. The trigger was realizing I have all of one (1) adult person in my corner and even they are sketch sometimes. I’ve pushed everyone away, or maybe they were all really horrible to begin with. Maybe they were all right about me.",4.611163184641448,5.551025565217396,4.9964426877470345,85.30952569169963,69.74534161490682,7.842123094297007,28.92207792207793,8.00094639256281,1.746175155279504,640,23,130,8,11,203,108,161,0.11699999999999999,0.82,0.063,-0.8732,1,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,3,1,7,8,0,0,12,0,14,4,2,3,4,19,20,10,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,1,1,2,2,2,6,5,1,1,3,1,0,2,0,4,0,1,3,5,12,4,28,12,7,19,0,1,0,0,5,12,1,2,6,90,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18959052602715315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20850540771677467,0.0,0.2665638467216017,0.0,0.0,0.19282120814945614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203225952171542,0.0,0.0,0.22105362161872785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542815785637376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063463177312246,0.0,0.1971710679982148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4054550137552496,0.0,0.2241457752674968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21447329966469672,0.148340572775327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673969758572124,0.0,0.21472125452623034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761972692070185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052953337785252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927332655474152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17232953760582045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19957776302270933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19018687227236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930036981414278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740074768199544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16017334993454202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nondescripthuman711,2020/01/15,"I was ready to live the rest of my life alone until I got into a relationship I keep texting her, knowing that she'll never text back. She didn't text back when I tried to kill myself a month ago. She won't text back now even though I just want to talk, as friends if nothing else. I try to stop thinking of her as being evil, but how can someone say they love you unconditionally then just abandon you?? Fuck I'm pathetic.",3.7937931034482766,4.5967460229885075,4.7132758620689685,87.09681034482759,71.52873563218391,7.179310344827586,25.99425287356322,7.1686216300943375,0.963652873563218,332,10,73,3,6,108,65,87,0.233,0.657,0.11,-0.9171,0,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,2,1,0,10,6,3,0,3,0,6,3,0,1,1,13,14,9,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,1,16,2,10,8,1,12,0,1,0,2,13,1,1,1,11,50,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951818288225266,0.0,0.0,0.2097454629800641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4671668270213013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691761015565606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337598841816269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646333134565976,0.18722274532569289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16197051651526728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18000549375974215,0.22405390881772871,0.0,0.11129747750878864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304301441031672,0.0,0.0,0.1788253063871134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18277856416981209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164631026904255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15619279607192782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19431952924666865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21742635574357594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610488228879466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171591119022328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693124138840019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277466061350124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129764052430143,0.19897090630088055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749900919805926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944916251522215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,goldencersei,2020/01/15,"Guilt is killing me I don't really know how to explain how I feel, only that I feel so much guilt, but it doesn't have an specific reason, it's just about existing basically. I just have this feeling that i'm a bad person, i don't know what to do. It's been days now and the anxiety that feeling causes me doesn't go away. I'm not seeing my therapist until next week so i need to find some way to cope, if anyone has any advice I would be so grateful! Or any similar experiences...",2.307352941176472,3.5533698823529463,4.653088235294117,84.41139705882355,75.66666666666667,8.237254901960785,24.514705882352942,8.841846274778883,1.6715058823529407,376,12,82,8,8,132,68,102,0.13,0.778,0.092,-0.4323,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,9,4,1,2,3,0,12,0,0,4,0,22,24,10,1,3,6,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,0,9,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,1,5,10,0,7,21,2,8,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,3,5,55,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19799375765964505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27557130449247114,0.0,0.1550004877047819,0.0,0.0,0.14167363754487533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19036415889190092,0.0,0.16917568093202312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081421796501824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067039131994804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19819707415194207,0.0,0.0,0.4097944274052957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851871170862776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151511952064704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22416429800938084,0.0,0.2227046253968172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894588330786948,0.15023700502720716,0.0,0.0,0.2154841397676561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540984016664547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17691625027107147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298008323117734,0.2083227279211368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145851326967608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352524925505701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082694465872335,0.1625261262811183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393240947000865,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,FreedomAndFear,2020/01/15,Impulsively sending cringey texts Do any of you do this as well? I always seem to do this with people I look up to. I sent one today to the teacher I work for bc her fav song came on when I got in my car after work & I thought of her and she didn't respond then I felt awkward as fuck... why do I do this 😑,-1.2428571428571438,0.5572923571428596,1.4767857142857146,100.05946428571433,89.71428571428572,4.071428571428572,18.75,5.148860815047168,-0.6881428571428572,235,7,61,1,8,81,51,70,0.025,0.895,0.08,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,2,2,3,1,1,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,6,14,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,1,0,4,1,2,1,1,6,3,13,1,13,8,0,11,0,0,1,1,7,3,1,1,4,41,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240024694448556,0.2916865571314307,0.0,0.18307054701770567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079020247466597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584817216420428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488782887620629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153100837726859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260667644702153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18242218388082415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866348038093979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450766857623187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21372093580933807,0.0,0.0,0.2551775327722441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420501579473049,0.0,0.2429181821500276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39197299389774604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,penisbreths,2020/01/15,"F16 with BPD and cannot stop using my destructive coping skill I grew up being groomed by my family that the only asset that anyone will ever love me for is my boobs and ass. So from a young age, I let guys use me. I would give them anything they wanted in exchange for the feeling of being wanted. I've tangled with some dangerous people. I've been hurt sexually by many people. YEt it always feels like I am to blame. I just want someone to like me for me. Someone once told me that ""you will always just be fuckable, never loveable."" For now, I just keep going giving myself up over and over again, hoping this time it's real.",3.998809523809528,5.091902531746033,5.135079365079367,83.18214285714286,71.30158730158729,6.869841269841268,23.523809523809533,6.937597516519254,0.8757999999999995,493,12,94,4,9,163,89,126,0.11800000000000001,0.727,0.155,0.2933,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,2,1,8,7,2,0,3,0,11,3,2,2,2,23,25,4,0,5,3,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,2,2,0,1,2,2,3,0,0,2,2,18,4,17,16,1,16,0,1,0,3,8,5,2,2,11,68,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718283872734032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421299872670965,0.0,0.1344171067226868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057243855127474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775280426497922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539849401813056,0.0,0.16518193231478426,0.11669204217115875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31338636236252243,0.09283140843567214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617349324328317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223613582153204,0.0,0.0,0.1748617156878841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518647781013722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702895559041253,0.0,0.15960196393368697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474231446870657,0.0,0.0,0.16560383837079026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597994343032612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739546216940698,0.0,0.12422946751645267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264824930471843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859197284175556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767994428837096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656179324260212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524642941126978,0.0,0.0,0.15608092922130995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28215125863923457,0.0,0.0,0.2890312315595731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603395228927672,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shutupmila,2020/01/15,"After my suicide attempt last July, I went completely numb Before that, I was all over the place. It's like I was a violent stream, but every now and again I'd freeze up. The thing is, I'm acutely aware of how I got here. My only issue is that I have no idea on how to approach it? I'm usually able to work through things by writing about it, and I have been trying to for a while. Its just - where do I start? How far do I go? And, if I do go there, will I ever make it out? Maybe that's what's holding me back, but I know I can't stay here. I could. I can. But I don't think I should.",-0.6173951048951025,0.9293448712121232,1.9578787878787909,99.11066433566437,85.13636363636364,4.9706293706293705,17.72960372960373,5.8734145424116955,-0.6037920745920746,441,10,115,3,13,152,86,132,0.095,0.878,0.027000000000000003,-0.8297,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,2,13,3,1,0,4,0,16,1,0,4,2,22,26,11,1,3,5,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,4,0,1,3,0,0,4,3,2,0,0,5,1,19,1,13,18,1,21,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,10,85,30,1,0.21186383966955613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291021513152698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028052304966685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221352050152988,0.0,0.0,0.16915603645860466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19164297241484307,0.17850442253407908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408142049766198,0.0,0.16944686671382764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391684868317321,0.0,0.22113080466140608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164348255643137,0.17269730642068748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350597040664113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414207581291054,0.0,0.2128457033835974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113199701895034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22135261953503774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995831617531016,0.2258186637068986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317446537058513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28150584201542417,0.13575379377335006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384164002794464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23333808749820226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19639990194665974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15423939856558902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheRunaway6,2020/01/15,Ruined I ruined everything I had left. All I want to do is successfully die.,1.16,3.7736293333333366,4.641666666666668,75.14250000000001,89.0,8.333333333333334,20.833333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.2903333333333338,60,2,11,2,2,22,12,15,0.46799999999999997,0.324,0.20800000000000002,-0.765,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,3,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5617574395176103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4864625884850319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5880962910848541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192577039999188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gkrhdvc,2020/01/15,"Not my personality The current lifelong career I've committed myself to is probably not suited to my personality, (which I jumped into quickly - quit my previous job immediately and then dragged my feet about it for the longest time, still dragging) which is why I'm probably being avoidant and stressed about things making things worse for myself, but what really is my personality ? How can I make decisions like these without a solid grounded sense of who I am and all that, feeling despair and hopeless. I seem to have fallen into more of a depressive funk since coming back from ""team building"" holiday with colleagues which confused me more about whether I can commit to this or not. But I've always been a slacker all my life so I feel like anything/job that I do I will be the same because I had the same attitude in my previous job. I have a real attitude problem with work, why can't I just work hard damnit. I sing and praise about how it being not being a 9-5 and means that I am training myself to be more self disciplined and arrange my own time, but in reality the lack of structure for me really enables me to be late or not attend daily meetings in the morning. I am literally responsible for my own work and clients but I spend a lot of my time playing stupid app games like candy crush or plants vs zombies when I should be studying or meeting clients. Where previously I worked at least I was required to show up at the office every day. I still have the standard/ideal for myself to do so but just can't bring my lazy ass to the office. When I do come in to the office, I've missed half the meeting. Sometimes there's no point in going because I didn't give myself enough time to arrive on time to the meeting. So I just stay at home. Like I am now. In bed. I woke up at 6 and fell asleep again. And now it's too late to leave for the office. Thank you for reading my jumbled thoughts",5.687773913043479,6.06070952,6.313228985507248,78.83968695652177,67.13333333333333,8.761739130434783,32.57101449275362,8.587818076936951,2.5243936231884057,1510,61,289,21,23,494,192,375,0.134,0.764,0.102,-0.9131,4,1,0,0,0,2,31.0,0,1,0,9,24,16,1,3,19,0,30,4,3,4,4,61,46,28,0,3,20,0,3,4,0,2,1,0,2,4,15,16,0,3,6,7,1,8,10,9,0,1,6,3,45,7,47,31,13,46,1,4,0,1,14,18,1,7,23,217,60,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832023711323238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161811582482459,0.0,0.12940868612637446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18286716171479853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684540416444438,0.0,0.09142159516517122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096750343049429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894308231185339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733910152062387,0.07582923135557637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182291154187892,0.060324030811009385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950840956284265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647099735910033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159943607160331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394699102288596,0.1123910759687772,0.0,0.0,0.0749725835148454,0.20742621386607502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023975754308562,0.0,0.0,0.14170376986730873,0.0,0.0,0.1156218364288954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27804230724269585,0.0,0.0,0.10034030480921056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288821776726054,0.10156538795097347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289711505225332,0.10617263522985232,0.12081500878236588,0.1359970149442288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662943025180218,0.11073124848764353,0.0,0.0,0.08780334018904147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497904224984003,0.0,0.0,0.1131352864211518,0.1695333291601181,0.0,0.12158749163389393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772305253036463,0.0,0.0,0.14103459626782647,0.0,0.0,0.08426640908701889,0.3094668409790172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19155674042144832,0.0,0.0,0.10231894262325443,0.0,0.3090961260277978,0.0,0.10816971362048514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ChrisGjundson,2020/01/15,"Opinions on Psychedelics? I've heard a lot about the supposed ""risks"" associated with taking Psychedelics or hallucinogens while having BPD. i.e unpredictable emotions, heightened anxiety, etc. However, in 2018 alone, I did LSD \~70 times, smoked literal 10s of pounds of weed, did MXE or Ketamine at least once a month, mescaline at least once every 2 months, shrooms \~15 times, 2c-e 10 times, mdma at least once a month, etc. I have NEVER felt unstable on a Psychedelic or Hallucinogen (aside from Salvia, but that's just a given). In fact, I almost feel more stable on them (most of the time. I have. My brain longs for serotonin and BOY do Psychedelics provide. They are a double-edged sword, however. While they have my infinite respect (and no, I have never taken a psychedelic in a ""party"" setting or in the general public. Psychedelics require far too much respect to do that) and they have helped me address my trauma, they also brought to light a lot of very traumatic experiences that lay dormant. With consistent psychedelic use, I was able to proactively address the trauma. However, now that it's been almost a year since I last did a Psychedelic, I carry the weight of that trauma without the helping hand behind me. Other than that kind of bittersweet aspect of my journey, I can't really say anything helped more than Psychedelics, even fucking dialectic behavioral therapy. I imagine a mix of the two has the potential to be the most life changing experience ever. To be completely honest, I might just go on a Psychedelic with my seroquel just in case things go south. I would love to hear if anyone here has also had positive experiences with Psychedelics :)",7.6499466571834995,8.878528155405405,7.189167852062592,71.26763869132294,63.05405405405406,10.420768136557614,36.18705547652915,10.426177893888326,4.0429756756756765,1338,61,216,31,19,419,176,296,0.09699999999999999,0.799,0.10400000000000001,0.7495,3,1,1,0,0,0,56.0,0,0,5,1,11,10,1,1,22,0,22,6,2,1,4,36,35,13,0,2,10,0,4,0,0,2,1,3,2,1,9,7,1,1,3,0,0,4,5,5,0,2,11,8,24,5,37,20,12,36,0,0,0,2,14,14,1,13,17,152,33,1,0.10988631080861028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22007053446022706,0.1138090780203299,0.0,0.17575208610563006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406272699652775,0.0,0.0,0.07683506350136769,0.0,0.0904270708750114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383979617107736,0.1226694644473198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162451464306657,0.0,0.11521370620827577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360730936660255,0.0,0.0,0.2451045673720767,0.0725788719266075,0.09939845923640854,0.0925839562139774,0.0,0.0,0.3224696925020953,0.0,0.0,0.05556182045904462,0.0,0.10550809085096413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015881236581379,0.0,0.0,0.1249018455271191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384985857511305,0.0,0.2209634334929748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144296829460735,0.0,0.0895720096395496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761595104841076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724592714507828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18684282375563893,0.09917668575278406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657201057823185,0.0,0.0,0.2631306147326272,0.0,0.08077908212529987,0.0,0.16950219434356106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35107600412984885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039598450379624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738600486857122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089909183468604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262083020796042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566457309659318,0.0,0.07300358215539192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25630236605921497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734295855455847,0.0,0.0,0.09490649101338484,0.0,0.0906677146425504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381192302039707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592648231735463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806008240615686,0.0,0.0,0.07076318139652603 bpd,hadeslittlecrybaby,2020/01/15,i genuinely have no will to live i called my mother super excited because i’m going to be able to get a car with a lower payment and she hung up before i was able to finish one of my sentences and when i called back she was in the middle of telling her boyfriend how “stupid” i was. on top of that my FP hasn’t been talking to me and i’m pretty sure he just wants to fucking ghost me already. i don’t know what else to do. i genuinely didn’t think i’d live past 16 and here i am still being treated like a piece of shit.,1.5872367149758446,2.64210022608696,3.450724637681162,93.08120772946863,77.17391304347827,6.154589371980678,23.21256038647343,6.42735559955562,0.3898792270531404,406,12,96,3,9,137,77,115,0.11900000000000001,0.733,0.147,0.3197,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,6,8,3,0,4,0,13,2,1,1,1,11,21,6,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,5,0,16,5,15,13,1,12,0,0,0,1,9,5,2,0,6,63,18,0,0.4079330019383291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250821057678193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683764914455173,0.0,0.12433608584218594,0.0,0.17356046948211346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4165452046228976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038783914998146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18856374347358293,0.1065640783495138,0.0,0.1159188629106356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209465474782808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964772962761584,0.0,0.3602123143905964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821297975124094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19470910446571746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20750725876637088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093686821674694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288791114824505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19223601331904971,0.0,0.0,0.16394054736527605,0.17827571203449316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306934980146996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030472686143062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ChaoticChickenNugget,2020/01/15,Sweet Talk to Trash Talk DAE talk to their friends about their SO all sweet and nice and then all of a sudden it turns into trash talk about them?,4.282,4.962134533333334,2.846666666666668,101.37000000000002,70.33333333333334,6.0,18.33333333333333,3.1291,-0.9866666666666668,116,1,28,0,2,32,20,30,0.0,0.66,0.34,0.9165,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,3,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,4,6,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,2,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22195431308693886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9236295219769768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124816619174421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,space_rave784,2020/01/15,"I think I’m seeing someone who doesn’t know they have BPD Yesterday I realized that my girlfriend of 1 month has BPD like symptoms. I’m not a psychologist to diagnose this but when looking for answers to why our relationship is so up and down I found many things that would lead me to believe she might have BPD. She has expressed being able to sense energy from people and see exactly what they’re feeling. I assumed that those sensations were linked to borderline empathy that sometimes accompanies BPD. With this high sensation of empathy she has read some of my emotions and some of my doubt and immediately protects herself by telling me to leave. It never crossed my mind that she could possibly have a condition , so I would stubbornly ask her to stay with me. After some arguing and/or time she would accept me back. This put a lot of pressure and confusion on me only feeding into her thoughts and perception that I didn’t want to be with her, leading to a cycle. If I want our relationship to work I know I need to tell her about my discovery but I’m afraid it might affect her negatively. She has created a whole system of self therapy and explanations that I feel like I would breakdown a foundation that she has built for herself. I want to be with her but I feel like it won’t be possible without some external help. I truly care about her and I want us to work out but I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to hurt her.",4.881,6.1932079571428575,5.7578571428571435,78.71714285714286,69.42857142857143,9.742857142857146,31.857142857142854,10.008157457239328,3.2166928571428564,1148,50,220,29,20,377,148,280,0.096,0.7759999999999999,0.128,0.6488,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,3,0,1,4,6,13,2,4,6,0,26,3,0,3,3,64,49,16,0,12,8,0,3,3,1,7,2,0,0,1,19,14,1,2,14,1,0,4,9,7,0,0,4,6,47,6,38,33,6,19,0,1,3,0,32,6,0,11,10,163,66,5,0.0969973070257456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906793883951048,0.0,0.0,0.07458494181635303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928274916076776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4886588505888913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889521904438496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744445691735098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845022485385913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910891492336104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713425862558893,0.13858979104034205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635254060928416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501525028387671,0.10248298039439922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383762331708156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661436648524733,0.0,0.0,0.1027061428347617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216395406865714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145330850560653,0.0,0.0,0.08246364177676492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983400449947687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20579762879398134,0.09793962927197793,0.0,0.07742232505966197,0.0,0.0,0.07192227411117579,0.07481030287255634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377082285913332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724571959171435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21869977911667865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975090843968427,0.0,0.0,0.09702355587457508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082776150337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458859083168755,0.0,0.1011893455544711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218550347475563,0.0,0.0959328168631809,0.0,0.0,0.10338622338708192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914188139557884,0.10081734160528702,0.0,0.0,0.16955984333973909,0.0,0.11092487398306944,0.0,0.06444070075879679,0.062151957762500286,0.0,0.07700502707410807,0.05655990975839261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667581738856014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860576239867641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752498262474236,0.10829402932071164,0.0,0.09350194261584567,0.0,0.1412303894941878,0.0,0.0,0.2756164156895771,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aiwsmusic,2020/01/15,"Saw the GP today Ive been referred for an assessment from the “mental health team”. In the mean time i need constant reminders that I am indeed still ill because I keep doubting myself and thinking I’ve been faking it the whole time and I don’t need any help after all the last several years of impulsivity and instability was all a false alarm so just forget about it.",5.198749999999997,6.39890915277778,5.9232222222222255,78.24400000000001,68.58333333333333,7.982222222222222,28.288888888888888,8.238735603445708,1.9111522222222228,297,10,55,4,5,97,56,72,0.172,0.792,0.037000000000000005,-0.835,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,2,7,0,6,2,0,0,2,14,12,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,1,6,0,6,8,3,9,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,8,36,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172824462805228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393921353052847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728939219632536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684263072567344,0.0,0.0,0.16926473259285654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244592018053407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20584467782437635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27507789623083195,0.0,0.0,0.2544896365432229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744938131205606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852856662733832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016698271137293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181025936004187,0.0,0.0,0.29450314992033805,0.0,0.23936777644115845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28193938859478657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626202687090794 bpd,blabby99,2020/01/15,"I don’t think I know what love really is and at this point I’m too afraid to ask (a rant by me, a very dumb girl stuck in the cycle of abuse) So I’ve got a lot on my mind and I’m just going to empty it out here. I ended a relationship tonight and got my first Reddit gold for it (unfortunately it was on a throwaway account) in a parenting subreddit. I had completely ignored all of the red flags he waved in my face until I noticed him mistreating his toddler. I didn’t like the way he talked to her, it made me nauseous and it made me dissociate every time he’d raise his voice. I asked if this was normal and not one person in that thread said “yes that’s how you talk to a 2 year old child” all of them said “run as far away as you can and make sure the child gets help”. A lot of the comments said “if he speaks to her like that, how long until he gets physical? And how long until he starts treating you like that?” He would never yell at me. In fact, I gotta walk on eggshells otherwise I’ll say the wrong thing and he’ll give me the silent treatment. 🚩 Well he only really gets mad at me when he assumes I’m cheating 🚩 I mean he only assumes that because when he left me for his ex but decided he wanted me back I had a couple of guys I was hooking up with and talking to and he got jealous 🚩 Am I gonna be stuck in this cycle forever??? Every time I get out of a relationship it’s like this and I always end up feeling like an idiot. I was really in love with this dude. I thought I was so lucky because he’d make my dinner and buy me flowers and guys my age don’t do that! it’s romantic so he loves me and we’re gonna have a family and whatever. That’s not love, dumbass! That’s literally the cycle of abuse!! I don’t think I’ve ever been in a healthy relationship. I know this means I need to work on my self-esteem and I need to work on not being so codependent but I still feel incredibly dumb.",0.6223547215496339,2.4184892953995174,3.0367500000000014,91.68054872881358,82.19612590799031,6.357602905569007,20.494491525423726,7.461004344511776,0.5084102179176755,1481,42,346,23,40,511,196,413,0.09,0.7709999999999999,0.139,0.9707,2,0,0,0,2,0,31.0,0,3,1,3,16,22,6,1,21,1,22,6,1,7,6,63,66,34,0,7,8,2,2,5,0,5,0,7,0,6,23,20,1,1,12,0,2,3,8,9,1,2,20,10,50,13,46,37,4,49,0,0,1,4,54,24,2,7,26,206,73,2,0.0,0.2049600424833183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719690764952532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16171849498222132,0.0,0.08126298870447206,0.06650775193984597,0.0,0.10545061851497103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068622922348138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957028217248592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532141907565002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823783953689302,0.14574810848389194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153787064100126,0.0,0.08746688483597986,0.061790592172086614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357087267032865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18075601941815966,0.08297193428423179,0.049155945792734926,0.0,0.2075289785104422,0.0,0.0,0.17128326943286798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057974411897161474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506854422282326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397486060293914,0.0,0.0,0.21128047122582547,0.0,0.0,0.15308710621957375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706645330231824,0.3122531148001945,0.16368347142914813,0.11546945282960708,0.0,0.0,0.1884323924494112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733323925812896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282668766388153,0.0667087074793673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474474245646829,0.0,0.09847281502996807,0.09075981810405677,0.0,0.05860987219778033,0.13156359628714834,0.0,0.0,0.0960402029588285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552232169701402,0.0,0.0,0.0817638098402384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16622882634076785,0.0,0.0,0.2785832290931734,0.0,0.0,0.2468238519861628,0.0687826781139194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902310269231392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06122016649141625,0.0,0.06907339435228639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151859682584654,0.0,0.0,0.20855930925749494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05746208331768415,0.11084240032316683,0.0,0.06866575362324692,0.1008694880318721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136575520259514,0.05101579228541313,0.06865409047192562,0.0,0.0,0.07776756379592571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593581870687792,0.0,0.0,0.061442121421662124,0.09456648039646637,0.0,0.055698634302306683 bpd,flightofapollo24,2020/01/15,"Trying to stay happily married nsfw I (29f) am married to my bestfriend (31m) and I love him so much. I want to preface this I absolutely do not want to ruin my marriage. But here comes the BPDness. Last summer my husband and I, I should say, I ran away from home in a splitting incident and I moved into a female friend's house for a week and a half. Well she has BPD and we like fell in love hard. I cant even explain. It was the weirdest, drug filled, emotionally hot week of my life. Eventually I was hospitalized and sent back home to my husband who is a perfect person, stable and takes such good care of me. He loves me unconditionally despite my mental illness. I've been home and reasonably stable since then. But for the past couple days I cant stop thinking about that week. Like yea I almost died and it's a horribly toxic environment. But the danger of it all and the way she understood me and I understood her. Basically I just want to vent the fact that I have a perfectly happy martial home but my BPD wants me to throw it all away...",2.2562857142857133,4.396776580952384,4.069761904761908,84.58607142857146,78.42857142857143,6.866666666666667,24.785714285714285,7.908726449838941,1.4386000000000003,822,30,166,14,20,277,127,210,0.045,0.768,0.187,0.9649,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,0,2,8,14,1,0,13,1,11,6,0,1,5,37,27,17,1,5,6,2,2,2,1,1,3,1,4,1,8,14,0,1,5,0,0,7,3,2,1,1,7,3,31,12,19,19,3,24,0,1,0,3,18,5,0,1,12,110,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806720237528293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215557164147392,0.09066349184961388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970004175017933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021442488851693,0.0,0.0,0.10156676160765372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046226559100438,0.0,0.0760405013517414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236923800106475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673511956715378,0.0,0.0,0.13262992472705068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787670785592789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910949438983208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889511039541823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255145910377508,0.10562184684020523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4730828347963912,0.0,0.0,0.1360492778956782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611024588286976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328146448555057,0.11520717343320007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192480226324901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882289987443552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531687778596973,0.0866754857516016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255592902634644,0.0,0.1029521702046723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122841688978232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376467546544452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753419736720742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567357154339054,0.0,0.09857584337111372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865167074277379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755502837276802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005136662412321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27817929388162443,0.09358938455135064,0.2837345476737548,0.0,0.10601288843371733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kernacken,2020/01/15,"Derealisation? Kind of seeing if folk relate and kind of just airing how I feel. I went through to bed earlier and the thought that came into my head was ‘I don’t feel real.’ I can’t remember ever thinking that before though I’ve certainly felt the physical sensations I currently have. Rationally I reckon it’s just adrenaline and anxiety causing me to feel a bit ‘detached’, ‘foggy’, and ‘internally focused/ stuck in my head’ but physically/ emotionally it feels pretty bad. I’m holding my other half’s hand but gaining no comfort from it. They’re asleep. I tried communicating a bit earlier but worried if I say too much I’ll end up overwhelming them and pushing them away. Especially as they’re part of the reason for my current anxious state.",5.3551185770751,7.4479668043478275,6.831712779973646,68.42745059288539,69.36231884057972,9.945718050065878,34.28458498023716,10.230975488527342,4.103686956521739,601,30,98,17,11,205,97,138,0.111,0.768,0.122,0.5499,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,1,7,6,0,1,5,0,4,4,4,3,2,29,16,13,0,2,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,6,7,0,1,10,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,6,8,14,4,13,10,4,13,0,1,1,0,3,5,0,2,4,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135658817284385,0.1792142384140853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490443364121203,0.0,0.13245496026329326,0.0,0.0,0.13498808846884827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34638022809454616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18143804408303588,0.0,0.16296351805882725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784448574761998,0.14050496883192962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434959144623787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208457876395221,0.0,0.15231604288583606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256138992525245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303912781370829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661617642817215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178801187250994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139048418032648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805632155585266,0.0,0.16310487711187274,0.0,0.0,0.17970437806447906,0.0,0.0,0.12615421583151076,0.0,0.0,0.12641285580460293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164794739812368,0.15585968408559678,0.12593976478312532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770385897009577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14705774584393086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16110319874162446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Geggles87,2020/01/15,"A Thank You TL;DR Thank you to this community for helping people understand BPD and showing that they are not alone I would like to start this by saying I don’t personally have BPD. It my SO does. It’s a recent diagnosis and we were a little in the dark about what it was, me especially. After googling and reading about it she found this subreddit and subscribed almost straight away. She has said a few times now that this sub has helped her understand BPD a little more and it feels good to be able to relate to other people with it. I’m trying my best to help her but I have little understanding of it myself but I’m learning. So I want to say a big thank you to this community for helping the two of us understand a little more and giving my SO a place where she doesn’t feel as alone. I’ve almost lost track of the amount of times she said so today I learned this in the subreddit.",3.4460714285714285,4.927379527777777,4.633174603174607,84.74500000000002,73.16666666666667,7.587301587301588,23.968253968253972,8.192908349453996,1.2641587301587305,705,20,145,11,14,232,98,180,0.023,0.823,0.154,0.9537,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,3,1,2,8,7,0,0,12,0,11,0,0,0,0,24,29,13,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,0,1,17,8,0,0,9,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,6,6,22,6,23,21,5,18,0,1,0,0,22,11,0,2,8,105,39,3,0.10090656450014047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020866968476957,0.2090175379890921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480503898886457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589521400259264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812648567585331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830401459141142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204278182858977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063883965248723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679877137431954,0.0,0.08463563882319182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705421726614107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04929785042731944,0.4045395469391984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101514350928688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991181300607922,0.08810771997388969,0.1054258830351828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009338712495615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996330589852424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19197050042079114,0.1604899003669007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142218571643665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27870362210169514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176788584582562,0.0,0.09564762445123616,0.0,0.0,0.06850893361474115,0.0,0.09857105121935476,0.4201891692231043,0.12137817279607985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595173061411196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168112827012803,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Hjklgn,2020/01/16,"We have DID and one of us has BPD ; how do we get tested/ how can I help them? Hi, Any advice would be great.... we have DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) we're in the same body but different people. one of us is BPD One of my alters has been through a rough time lately, they now know of all the abuse that took place in our childhood. They sadly have lost they're FP (Favourite Person) this has devastated them; they were their only friend in the outside world (DID means we have an inside world were alters go when they're not out here/ outside world.) So far as I know FP is basically them trying to get what we did not get as a child. Meaning that they would need to try to self-sooth ect. They have started attempting suicide again; they felt rejected by our psychologist. I find all this weird as I know that the psychologist doesn't hate us, but sadly as the other alter is quite BPD and thinks everyone hates them. (This is partially true as they took the abuse/ protected us as a child) Thanks \-Drew",2.737662302965532,5.044086223350256,3.3684050227090587,89.38008816457388,77.62944162436548,6.7869623296820745,21.53593374298691,7.85451343220497,0.8782954314720812,794,22,163,13,19,249,113,197,0.16699999999999998,0.7390000000000001,0.094,-0.9636,1,1,0,0,2,1,32.0,11,0,12,3,7,11,2,0,10,0,25,1,1,2,3,29,44,14,1,3,4,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,8,8,0,1,8,0,0,3,3,7,0,3,11,2,28,4,19,30,3,19,0,4,0,0,29,9,0,0,7,109,36,1,0.0,0.24766403566213366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212988611744103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710731143186618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609150996151175,0.394895230620079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919490127796104,0.1197821161636164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986762043566984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034984464088954,0.0,0.0955239165214026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074726893570408,0.0,0.16381277795756696,0.0,0.05939772340166579,0.0,0.0,0.11522707079681907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20637190494203386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005354137140382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231450853644872,0.0,0.11789636152927305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408939374572333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22769280391464805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749581802690048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21246420476311495,0.07948761819111848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245685864315167,0.09125760683611656,0.10919490127796104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116352011901598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903091158142254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397555793542496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432136938908075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622246335544447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696836089099556,0.0,0.0,0.06094296278061124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322378330580565,0.14191631176991976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5028699675712138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848751558167916,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ripecucumber,2020/01/16,"so I was diagnosed 10 years ago but my family never told me? I’m 20(f) newbie here (also I’m on Mobile and I’m sorry about the improper format.) Literally yesterday- before my therapy session my aunt brought up to me to be honest AND that when I was about 10ish I needed to go for a psycho analysis thing and the dr diagnosed me with BPD. She just happened to remember it when I told her I was leaving for therapy. Just managed to not tell me that? Or “remember” ? Idk I’m confused Not sure how I’m feeling but everything makes a lot more sense with my life and behaviors. I feel like GARBAGE though. I feel that my brain is garbage and trash and I’m a freak with a gross mental disorder. I knew depression and anxiety and substance abuse ran in my family and I know BPD isn’t “genetic” or whatever but still. I guess it was destiny that I joined this sub. World is funny in that way. In a way, I am grateful that my aunt said something because it could’ve taken this poor woman months to diagnose me. Thanks all for taking the time to read this :) Comments are welcome and encouraged Idk what to think or feel.",2.43747037276449,4.614476737556561,4.105235940530061,84.37414781297136,78.00452488687783,8.010428786899375,26.36091359620772,8.841846274778883,2.2323637578108166,873,35,172,21,21,292,127,221,0.16,0.706,0.133,-0.7023,0,0,1,0,1,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,12,10,0,1,8,0,10,6,1,2,3,41,36,22,0,1,10,2,4,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,14,13,0,0,9,1,1,3,4,4,0,0,11,5,26,6,21,24,3,20,0,1,0,0,12,6,0,6,10,111,40,3,0.0,0.14364365614424532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746751681688156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695158950444427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274444680552152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390373363820574,0.0,0.10316205966953526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053824889218174,0.13533836013392947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679628631761343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441953195118156,0.3691529335595036,0.0,0.0,0.13894581876158332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895820499878738,0.0,0.2285791456945705,0.0,0.2452002444410185,0.08661031162343663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689006470660882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335540258968801,0.0,0.10720771432327007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666275880460391,0.0,0.0,0.12837036508656752,0.0,0.0,0.08563186920603505,0.0592292995084185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306966564095676,0.0,0.0,0.0809253070815996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217637001922367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676862414889432,0.0,0.0,0.0898942198653277,0.09350390957079534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126781267264873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746712540794701,0.0,0.11532225206216028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333262966960013,0.0,0.13571266217121128,0.0,0.0,0.09681843140585054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426255722762466,0.0,0.0911536356959574,0.0,0.10596473780814827,0.11161690394512924,0.2772855873537617,0.0,0.08054315014195212,0.07768249579436752,0.1191127766315753,0.0,0.0706931062208166,0.0,0.0,0.23169048491764824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924614075047889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807136821876673 bpd,plutoisrising,2020/01/16,"I don’t feel the highs anymore I know bpd is characterized by feeling super high and then super low and it used to be like that for me, I used to wait for the highs but I don’t feel them anymore, got me wondering if I don’t have bpd and just have good ol depression now. Has anyone else gone through this?",1.3774358974359018,3.1782815384615404,2.7950000000000017,94.31916666666667,79.76923076923076,6.17948717948718,21.602564102564106,7.1686216300943375,0.4089487179487175,240,7,56,3,6,78,44,65,0.09699999999999999,0.732,0.172,0.4854,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,2,2,6,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,2,0,14,18,6,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,3,8,4,6,15,0,7,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,2,3,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525689365035117,0.12428991604474925,0.1821302519326423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4477505518425264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309948916635358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849088063037652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26963369399799464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490918451446578,0.14216632498454854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5634214254475498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768909612622914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684175583797203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070452281189403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927669193986777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fricklordd,2020/01/16,"Does anyone else feel like they're not ""borderline enough""? I often feel like I'm faking my whole illness, or that I've been lying about it my whole life. The way I see it, I'm never sick enough to be ""deserving"" of my diagnosis and always seem to put myself down over feeling well, cos that's not how I should feel. It's like I'm kicking myself over not feeling worse? My struggles are never bad enough, my pain is never bad enough, it's like I don't have a right to be sorry for myself, I'm over reacting all the time and simply don't deserve any sympathy. My diagnosis still remains on paper. Anyone else feeling this way?",3.909256342957129,4.9273930314960666,5.151128608923887,83.26497812773405,71.44094488188976,7.534208223972003,25.134733158355203,7.793537801064563,1.3050076990376196,493,14,98,6,9,164,74,127,0.131,0.6659999999999999,0.203,0.7897,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,1,3,0,9,4,0,3,4,22,21,4,0,1,4,0,6,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,7,0,0,1,8,5,1,0,1,7,13,5,11,17,7,14,0,0,1,0,0,6,0,3,9,63,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859765971146016,0.0,0.0,0.0805809308387388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570946833091685,0.24282506719103306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19787740773498924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369611722193317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979753922465446,0.0,0.0,0.4897496684651152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594889875090265,0.2539593979959507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369680062802104,0.2315634549733301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27417285701626903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608745304040214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912059893526675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119441844865776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442548682687543,0.10787375570408246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264589146258315,0.0,0.0,0.09463057417322036,0.0,0.0,0.1238771132077527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909561676042691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188112255423958,0.0,0.0,0.10654158932059776,0.0,0.0,0.2645917498578053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207569291391858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,whyhedothis,2020/01/16,"I hate being with people, and I hate being alone It’s so insane. I feel soooo drained when I’m with people and soooooo anxious when I’m alone. I’m alone right now for the first time in weeks (in the evening, anyway) and I’m fighting the urge to call someone because I knowwwww as soon as they’re here I’ll be tired and want them to leave lol. Yay BPD!",0.5902999999999992,2.6810711466666675,1.439583333333335,101.43937500000004,84.2,3.75,20.041666666666664,3.1291,-0.7580333333333336,276,8,65,0,8,85,49,75,0.326,0.586,0.08800000000000001,-0.9537,0,3,0,0,2,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,8,4,3,0,3,2,3,1,0,0,0,8,11,9,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,5,1,9,8,0,10,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,7,34,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.604849369846047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21991846725106493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866728648409056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24517645804958105,0.0,0.1987769230298077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857581519435468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984295590378978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655837765013196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843870128427425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20612440183833786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699153788557886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16624468060648662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16494084264045614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351197937338148,0.2237412497401865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481972744401672,0.0,0.15615024385059692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,liberalandcynical,2020/01/16,"Halsey just dropped 'Manic' and damn, I relate I really recommend it to you guys, Halsey is bipolar but a lot of the subject matter are things I have experienced as a young female with BPD. Hope you all are having a good day ♥️",2.5456521739130444,4.37885595652174,4.286304347826088,84.81467391304348,76.39130434782608,7.208695652173913,22.369565217391305,8.07648339933343,1.1604086956521735,178,5,36,3,4,60,39,46,0.04,0.73,0.231,0.8358,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,4,0,5,1,0,0,1,8,6,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,2,4,6,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,2,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5039015689089206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580260880039471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355779881041497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3961537471464812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3973813953578446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401437090041705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563090279500093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26580318907406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sweetfairytales,2020/01/16,"I self-harmed for the first time in 7 years I hadn't cut myself since I was 16. I'd found other coping mechanisms, I thought. If it got really bad I'd scratch the skin on my hands. But tonight I had a breakdown, I had nowhere for the emotions to go, I was alone, and I grabbed a knife. I feel slightly relieved but most of all I feel so disappointed in myself.",0.6106578947368426,2.6699879605263166,2.2439473684210505,95.89513157894736,83.86842105263158,5.378947368421053,23.97368421052632,6.6274283507984215,0.5577421052631579,279,11,65,3,8,91,53,76,0.141,0.813,0.046,-0.8086,0,1,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,5,0,5,2,2,0,1,10,11,5,0,1,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,8,6,13,1,7,3,2,8,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,4,40,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31940876384422645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25750061217988063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469078088818608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118719999926215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623243670324417,0.0,0.3381440174499114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752704827050491,0.0,0.2466551682420405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975685488457988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217278274020773,0.0,0.0,0.2551111656689944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448346703285527,0.17983016675238456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19859909849644547 bpd,117308,2020/01/16,"What helps you when nothing seems to help with your symptoms? Currently dealing with a break up and getting abandoned. The pain is excruciating and as many BPDs know, simple distraction and grounding techniques that the average person uses are not useful. I just started DBT but nothing is working at all. I am going insane. I cannot distract myself no matter what. I still feel it, and feel it SO intensely all I can do is cry and lay in bed. Can anyone else relate to this?",4.1367696629213455,6.512515528089888,4.924030898876406,79.57458567415732,73.49438202247191,6.6971910112359545,29.10252808988764,7.645422480735847,2.089144943820225,378,16,63,5,8,122,68,89,0.205,0.7170000000000001,0.078,-0.9077,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,1,4,4,0,2,3,0,9,2,0,2,2,20,18,9,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,6,7,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,2,8,0,8,18,2,10,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,1,4,48,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511831520566061,0.2215386931480985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375029623874944,0.0,0.22290905098232427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806206014112917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21865046420771336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129638594887438,0.0,0.12288045225693765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28984985797205753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882657856657257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21920893905847344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4149298856701462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23006891250619985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18879134346743867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19683479255342853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530386939848503,0.0,0.17267025992581386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22473105938853594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37348215276167696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574077164876362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pinacoladab1tch,2020/01/16,"Spinning on Netflix I watched Spinning on Netflix and while the show is about Bipolar, the family dynamics were very close to home... specifically toward the end where Kat asked her mother, with ""brains like ours"" how do we love, be in love / how do we know that it's love / how is it possible / how can we be normal? That broke my heart. I often feel that. That my brain is too messed up to know what's real. That most of the time I'm just trying to survive and not mess up let alone build something meaningful. Thanks for reading my ponderings",4.1967857142857135,5.74432395238096,4.363035714285719,87.15883928571432,71.38095238095238,7.5357142857142865,26.458333333333336,8.07648339933343,1.507404761904762,425,14,85,6,8,132,73,105,0.06,0.737,0.203,0.9539,0,1,1,0,0,0,16.0,4,0,0,1,9,9,0,0,4,0,10,7,3,4,0,22,19,7,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,8,7,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,10,6,13,15,1,11,0,1,1,3,10,8,0,2,4,58,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938567128548242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749832335605362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4178981072348417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578137540100527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764518061335118,0.0,0.09464123654965613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22180311818257936,0.0,0.0,0.1877516525476849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057328233215536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19139898262661734,0.0,0.09144418527355984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5067978748172324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18339162832201605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21101153859832025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872255188191257,0.21304597603183312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14409635687760225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723254694675025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914316995933708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270794479689659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443886751744276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pickham,2020/01/16,"Was informed I might be diagnosed with BPD soon--need advice on dealing with this I've recently re-started therapy with a new therapist after briefly attending in early 2019. She's not looking to diagnose me with anything, just trying to help me with my issues, but she said today that has suspicions about what may be causing my problems. She didn't say BPD, as she was ""reluctant to say anything for sure"" and wants me to eventually see a psychiatrist, but the questions she asked were ones I recognized as being the symptoms for BPD. And I said yes to far too many of the questions, with explanations included. So a BPD diagnosis is possible, though not guaranteed. But certainly it would make a lot of sense. However, I am very scared of this diagnosis; I'm scared to tell people and I'm scared to have something that can never be cured. How do I go about, once diagnosed, discussing my situation with friends and family? And how do I cope with the uncertainty of this illness?",7.106078921078923,7.707235851648357,7.5901998001998034,70.11389110889114,64.1098901098901,11.673126873126874,37.42457542457542,11.389717465364855,4.601235164835166,783,38,136,23,11,258,114,182,0.162,0.775,0.064,-0.9649,1,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,3,8,1,18,5,0,4,3,35,28,14,0,3,6,0,0,0,1,3,5,4,0,0,7,13,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,6,6,17,3,28,15,1,11,0,0,2,0,18,3,0,5,6,97,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424392405244108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755728271366413,0.0,0.09972897187210232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5374258211038418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958707902731793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997971880899936,0.0,0.32482595700158123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056596196448027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241869731154143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606272267850277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715036148961108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113434935838967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958215154088787,0.0,0.0,0.09069331362704773,0.0,0.0,0.07120799519310958,0.10815414345818417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316786701247908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227619002471552,0.10302970103950387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136079531429088,0.07228736943764574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395667964213347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026274386043198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207586804178204,0.0,0.0,0.2390062123587437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533106628840834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029492791969412,0.16966830594521806,0.3204080727506295,0.0,0.08500807901144583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990987113062147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212547699289857,0.0,0.0,0.07550681525572048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005421903140003,0.11087866827426213,0.0,0.0,0.09324075264704686,0.0,0.12199490791858075,0.12386068761190787,0.0,0.0,0.104810007298047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111770504701856,0.0,0.0,0.07242695448095511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802003004063809,0.06292109649455131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578056671498057,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheIdiotWithTheBadge,2020/01/16,"Book rec for Someone who has bpd So I looked through here and maybe I missed it, but I’m wondering if there are good books for bpd folks that are talking to the person with bpd instead of about the person. Like I don’t know how to describe it, but like one that’s not written for the loved ones of bpd sufferers on “how to support them” and instead written for someone about how to support themselves. I just hate how a lot of the books I’ve been reading are treating the person with bpd like a child and “here’s how to coddle your little bpd sufferer and push them in the right direction” I don’t have many loved ones who are willing to understand or support me like that, and I’m trying to do this myself.",11.319375,6.078779409722222,10.064222222222224,74.20300000000002,60.45833333333333,12.90888888888889,43.38333333333333,8.841846274778883,3.846818333333333,561,21,117,5,5,176,77,144,0.08800000000000001,0.6859999999999999,0.226,0.976,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,2,0,15,15,1,0,8,0,11,2,0,5,0,22,26,15,0,1,6,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,4,8,7,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,4,0,3,3,1,10,11,21,22,1,5,0,3,1,2,12,4,0,4,4,84,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7512429328361875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338288253546976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814972624523856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054634768383114665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19427262219971328,0.0996379125637916,0.0,0.0,0.08348185691949851,0.0,0.0,0.08451735196729082,0.1794481733519503,0.0,0.0,0.1007891479956919,0.09987369027560164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020944036957876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604107123382793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099439872461224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489813311111641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684645735774931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33843798043560724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990437950901888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674948809231759,0.0,0.0,0.1034924076522892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780912518286216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdbutterfly,2020/01/16,"I need to not spiral into a crisis. Putting together an emergency self-care plan for the rest of the day....I can only get that far. I HATE dealing with BPD....... So, I'm just spewing a simple list of things to do to take better care of myself for the rest of the day. I'm sitting here now drinking a green juice and that always helps. I'm going to go for a walk and get some fresh air. Going to do some simple stretching. Not listen to rock n roll music and get riled up. I'm going to meditate, even if it's just for five minutes. I'm going to stop by the health food store and get some yummy healthy food. Can you please put a prayer out for me/ good wishes/ hippie voodoo.....whatever? I do not want to spiral into a crisis. thank you",1.0631372549019602,3.0116575359477165,2.8873464052287585,92.52905882352941,81.48366013071896,5.125751633986928,18.696732026143795,6.079149491110277,-0.1691024836601307,565,13,122,4,15,188,90,153,0.065,0.74,0.195,0.9635,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,2,0,2,6,5,1,0,12,0,5,4,0,0,0,21,27,6,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,8,3,1,0,2,1,8,3,1,0,1,0,2,7,4,24,27,5,19,0,0,1,0,5,7,0,4,3,72,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922864988194924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373572544537344,0.0,0.0,0.19560491716316947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834679843165153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003215496202249,0.16011566949334438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214265760731596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025794314851907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3755979618589508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32456796008748057,0.0,0.4413254148734557,0.1302649338977544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333444002706376,0.0,0.16508508068548633,0.0,0.0,0.10409964031794036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515887169749853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811868895471643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048148311091524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122547577413634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202005575975634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984439442264312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677224468488928,0.0,0.0,0.14298668746383805,0.0,0.0,0.10317969617184368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160464856231317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17859646955651226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,silkvonmoon,2020/01/16,"What works best for you to bring your heightened emotions down? I am over one year into my recovery, and I’m doing amazing when compared to this time last year, however I decided to start dating again. You can imagine my feelings of sadness and betrayal when we finally decided to cut things off. What is something you do every time that works to bring you down during an episode?",5.903098591549295,7.3740995915492995,5.902929577464793,78.03326760563381,67.16901408450704,9.060281690140846,35.32676056338028,9.3871,3.4796625352112684,305,15,52,6,5,96,52,71,0.114,0.7859999999999999,0.1,0.1431,1,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,1,5,0,3,3,4,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,10,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,1,10,2,12,10,1,18,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,11,40,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988690923362121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203499439915166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399475026164943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399816777284224,0.0,0.0,0.3119730626554764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321415166973147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929807886883632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192449309580763,0.0,0.0,0.20157552934561498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892015413530127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321261866822378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4146604097029312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3667903025023467 bpd,HiddenAltFightMe,2020/01/16,"Just fucking end me My fiancée and I have been through some shit involving financial problems and so on, it took a big hit on me which made me irritable and ruined my sexdrive, I never meant to hurt her feelings or made her feel unwanted, it was all just too much for me to handle and me being like this gave her demons all the reasons to think differently about our future and just the relationship overall. She just had her second splitting episode and this time with her ""ex"" (she went back to her then boyfriend right as they got together, nothing major happened between them, still her ex tho) she straight up lied to me when meeting up with him and had a full on relationship behind my back whilst I was sitting here fucking drowning in selfhatred because of the things I swore to do for her which I couldn't due to my mental state at that time. She admitted to all of it after I did some digging and is genuinly sorry, she told me it was just the way I acted and how she was desperatly seeking the things I couldn't provide her as her partner at that time, I can't blame her, seriously, but the sheer amount of times she lied to me instead of fucking telling me is killing me and now that I have the chat history between them I'm fucking destoyed, the texts and pictures of them fucking won't leave me alone, I just want to die. &#x200B; Just before I leave: We talked it out and are back together, everything is working out great and we're making progress, she is starting DBT soon and hopefully will never experience an episode like this again, bash me all you want for forgiving her, I love her to death and I can tell that she is done with it and never wanted any of this to happen, just had to get this out of my system before I do some shit I'd regret later.",8.464702722063038,6.547487911174784,7.9627202722063055,76.82425232808023,62.43839541547278,10.902650429799428,38.1448782234957,9.354420925462401,3.3296717765042985,1407,57,279,19,16,445,180,349,0.109,0.777,0.114,-0.5099,1,1,0,0,0,1,29.0,2,1,4,2,23,20,8,1,11,0,27,8,2,5,7,63,56,25,4,9,10,2,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,19,23,0,0,7,1,0,3,7,14,0,1,18,2,62,6,45,32,11,45,1,3,0,6,46,15,7,5,25,218,81,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271831352136714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745912911470497,0.12051190974759622,0.06744432017211903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287848705901083,0.0,0.0604578799887248,0.0,0.16878604411039208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293092147359567,0.10361971546559907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149334610111256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784211309306822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913463173392512,0.09701494102152426,0.0,0.0,0.10029457391282208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4584414933095235,0.051816318780867184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932156462528271,0.10934389930448757,0.0,0.0,0.17540524158500734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850595575111183,0.0,0.0,0.10617191010430928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972556604866698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21002998751068006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690654870094437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951185686035354,0.18768890711430689,0.06620196656831362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994791808815563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290711099717917,0.0,0.22947615221913306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516379541607037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489978176197196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019713194515596,0.0,0.21295972994848245,0.0,0.08469731841570624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20360921890278144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102145234859673,0.07019857314734143,0.0,0.07920353706738123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971537684140967,0.17337157640246267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131778676542497,0.06354914395735684,0.0,0.0,0.2313255431911664,0.0,0.0,0.09476865945808736,0.1101902098916045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754929477488082,0.0787227390590877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193883496808183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722026358961686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051190974759622,0.0 bpd,depth-first-search,2020/01/16,"How do you get rid of fear of abandonment? Does this ever get better? I have it in an awful way and it literally consumes my life every single day Living is just so *exhuasting* and taking a pill knowing i won’t come back from sounds incredibly appealing. But since I don’t have that, how in the world can I make living not be such torture?",1.990084033613445,4.3269769999999985,3.989747899159663,83.76029411764709,80.47058823529412,6.8268907563025225,21.478991596638657,7.957251820313856,1.197316806722689,268,8,52,5,7,91,55,68,0.14,0.7759999999999999,0.084,-0.6242,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,7,4,1,1,3,1,8,2,0,3,1,12,14,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,1,6,1,5,12,1,8,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20983528150873884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24134870218141505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350702535175271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599123618219922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23880755476455875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24684429416150105,0.22992128346741486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070767023300072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851471378352564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997300433237518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19275001644291914,0.0,0.0,0.4819330868916613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821559474907186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257371224486323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051790407255221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21660708685406665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,frybrad,2020/01/16,"DAE get super fixated on an issue? My boyfriend is my FP, and there is a communication issue that sometimes makes me sad but I don’t dwell on it. Today its all I can think about, and breaking up seems like the only option. Breaking up never would have crossed my mind yesterday, but today I am stuck in this hole and can’t stop thinking about it.",4.1052173913043495,5.318948507246379,5.012289855072464,83.70626086956524,71.17391304347825,7.259130434782609,26.84347826086957,7.554174236665415,1.4062730434782609,273,9,54,3,5,89,53,69,0.102,0.794,0.10400000000000001,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,3,0,8,0,0,1,2,15,14,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,7,2,7,12,1,13,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,2,6,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162912088550888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5259232812505377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308597092258147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817301702058765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543892600563967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19431294292012996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19161298833153573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22935822855867466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491767477409969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21063451223167168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228680905530563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4776224772467832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789721294838729,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nineloup,2020/01/16,"Just wanna share I’m feeling happy. It’s been a freaking long time since I have. In the past three days I went running every morning after being glued to my bed until 6pm for the last 7 months. I’ve cleaned up my whole apartment and actually gone out in the forest for runs or just enjoying the landscape. You guys posts helped me out massively. And today I’m just thankful. And I feel you, I love you, and support you wherever you are and whatever you’re doing. I might be a bit drunk. And it accentuates it all. But guys, gals, you’re rocking it one step at a time. Be grateful. Feel it all. I love you. And you deserve love.",1.1351004464285737,3.425955523437501,2.9100892857142884,90.48312500000002,83.609375,5.5321428571428575,23.205357142857146,6.868970318607317,0.7788419642857138,489,18,102,6,14,162,82,128,0.038,0.723,0.239,0.981,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,7,0,0,3,9,0,0,7,0,8,4,0,0,2,21,20,10,0,1,5,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,5,9,1,0,3,2,0,5,0,1,0,2,3,3,16,8,12,13,4,23,0,0,0,3,14,7,0,2,10,65,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.17502038113574933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19580447894938866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566634408648545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111067382250848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720552611394218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551707192328127,0.0,0.19092212198459574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021497276874694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619473271358374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871969808057154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4856129428175325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902627170803685,0.0,0.0,0.14315599275710986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153265483286213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712105073520439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176836363780504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836072661712196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035250135898193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651219993388995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20916163459249615,0.0,0.17000346313017944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662598668454187,0.0,0.20023861677012936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WhyMyDamnBallsItchy,2020/01/16,"Does anyone else feel lonely after a TV show ends? I used to have a ton of friends, but unfortunately i lost pretty much every single one of them because my ego got in the way and i just pushed them away. And now when im watching the finale of a TV show, it feels like my friends are leaving me again. I know how sad it is that i consider TV show characters my “friends”, but i can’t control how i feel about it anyways. Does anyone else experience this or anything similar?",4.772187500000001,5.073165177083336,5.7687500000000025,82.20125,69.10416666666666,8.483333333333333,30.583333333333336,8.344100000000001,2.076658333333333,371,14,77,5,6,123,66,96,0.114,0.713,0.174,0.8079,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,2,9,7,0,0,5,0,4,0,0,4,0,14,11,8,0,0,4,0,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,4,6,0,1,1,3,0,1,2,4,13,4,8,9,3,10,0,3,1,0,5,2,0,1,7,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360289913592016,0.34586892507177697,0.13889108277899748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585738221762184,0.0,0.0,0.1028863686614878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18930047257680765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954000179021998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819870983629007,0.0,0.14948847087233347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422039418295046,0.0,0.0,0.165098660248665,0.0,0.0,0.2560198399679057,0.12057605228984733,0.0,0.18488960614496566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911956866283933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349883214953102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823107376820872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275675597513622,0.0,0.0,0.17871303731640567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245709986206283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184242675992396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407229465371143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436930390858535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170934874425536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577122947865864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396924858076287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,friedgelly,2020/01/16,"Winning back my BFF!!! My ex-best friend told someone I still have minimal contact with they are thinking of me and wanting to talk. We haven’t spoken in 2 years, and our friendship ended extremely abruptly and open ended. I am yearning to text her and open up, as well as listen to her story and life as well. What should the first text I send say?",2.955217391304348,4.8901473478260895,3.602246376811596,89.71902173913048,75.52173913043478,5.759420289855073,25.99275362318841,6.42735559955562,0.9292492753623192,273,10,54,2,6,86,52,69,0.0,0.73,0.27,0.9623,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,1,2,4,5,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,13,9,8,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,9,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,2,1,1,2,11,4,10,7,0,12,0,1,0,0,12,4,0,0,7,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20121414166710355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27461479676642325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4635378731816515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22258307587135426,0.0,0.0,0.2021716853473655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18483082938207826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208096757664803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217188233500229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089762975179109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21032677231814448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767262304640715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25004443371561225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434439680747414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4705596909332296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685119789239787 bpd,NYC_PM,2020/01/16,"Is it worth compromising on everything for true love? Hi everyone, I recently broke up with a guy I had been dating for a year and a half. He was really nice and I respected him a lot, but we didn’t have anything in common besides work and he was a little controlling and treated me poorly. Once the illusion came crashing down on me I experienced a lot of anxiety and knew that I couldn’t continue to make the relationship work, no matter how badly I wanted it to. One of my first thoughts once the anxiety receded was that I wanted desperately to see my ex boyfriend. He and I met when I was 19 and he was 21 (we’re now 30 and 32 respectively). We fell in love immediately when we met in college, and never really fell out of it. I suffer from BPD, anxiety, and Aspergers, while my ex has BPD, anxiety, and bipolar 2. When we met it was like the world turned upside down, it’s when my life began. Meeting him breathed life into me, like I had been dead before and was now alive for the first time. He was and is my best friend. We were exact opposites but also the same, all at once. We loved each other deeply and shared the same interests, and also taught each other new things. We broke up after 2.5 years of dating. After that we didn’t speak for a year and then became very close again. We had a few romantic encounters over the course of our post relationship friendship, but it was mostly a sexually charged friendship without benefits. He was my everything, even when we weren’t dating. We flirted on the edge of getting back together for about 6 years, until I started dating someone else. I think I did this in an attempt to finally forget about him. After he realized I had a boyfriend we stopped talking. I haven’t spoken to him in about a year. You might ask why we didn’t get back together, or why we broke up in the first place. He moved to LA after college to pursue a career in film and I moved to NYC to pursue a career in finance. We did the long distance thing for about a year but couldn’t keep it up any longer. His film career failed and he moved to Philly to work with foster children, an amazingly fulfilling career. I continue to work in Finance in New York - I like math and enjoy portfolio construction, and I also want to make sure myself and my future family have financial resources. I know how expensive medical costs are, college is, and it seems like this is only getting worse. I come from a family where my Dad worked and my mom stayed home with us. When I was younger this is what I thought I wanted - to stay at home full time and raise my kids. Since then my desires have changed, I understand it’s important to have a stimulating career where I’m challenged. I don’t think I would ever want to stop working, although I want to make sure any kids I have get the attention and care they deserve. My ex goes in bouts of being employed and being unemployed. When he is employed he works in low paying positions for charitable organizations. I think the work he does is amazing, it’s the kind of work I would love to do if I had the financial resources to do it. I have a less avoidant personality than he does so I can’t ignore the fact that my rent is $1,625 a month, and my therapist charges $200 a session, etc. I can’t close my eyes to the practical reality of what we’ll need to be able to get through life. My main problem with him has always been that I wanted a partner in addition to having a friend. But I’m wondering now if my ideas of needing financial security and a partner/savior were planted in my head by my parents, or if it’s merely a product of BPD fear and insecurity. A secondary, but still very substantial problem, is my relationship with his Mom. She is a bipolar alcoholic and was abusive to my ex growing up, to me too when I was around her. I can’t imagine having her as a mother in law but I’m thinking now that I’m older, you can’t choose your family and he does the best he can with her. I obviously wouldn’t subject myself to this, but it’s his mother. I can’t make him choose between the two of us. I looked up my ex, and he has a girlfriend he’s been dating for about a year and a half. I have to wonder, if I’ve loved him for over a third of my life and still feel this way, when will it stop? I’m coming to realize in a concrete way that I can compromise on a lot of things, but I can’t compromise on being in love. And I’ve never loved anyone else. When I think about having a baby, it’s him in the hospital with me. When I think about getting married, it’s him. And when I think about getting old with someone, it’s him. I have mixed feelings about reaching out to him when he’s in a relationship, I love him and he deserves to be happy after all this time if this other girl makes him feel that way. But I am debating reaching out if I my feelings are this strong. Can two people with as much mental illness and as many differences as we have make it work? Is it worth the hardship to make it work? Thank you in advance for your replies, any guidance is much appreciated.",4.430913038443726,5.17698524901575,5.637452524316814,81.2567137563687,70.03346456692914,8.889856415006948,29.40968040759611,9.088552180705676,2.321402894858731,3967,147,804,74,68,1326,375,1016,0.094,0.748,0.158,0.9974,7,1,1,0,0,0,105.0,20,5,1,22,43,51,0,3,57,0,86,20,3,11,11,176,157,84,1,23,19,11,4,4,4,6,9,1,3,7,44,76,1,8,26,2,11,10,19,13,0,9,39,9,129,38,132,105,19,136,0,6,3,8,107,51,0,16,73,571,173,30,0.04571991497244158,0.054170623066521234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04886068479153083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968659845593366,0.038042631803096964,0.0,0.0,0.09327332995184627,0.0,0.13990243925202986,0.0,0.0,0.031968427589703224,0.04684545581885163,0.03762359443309767,0.040700417510338135,0.042741948764379416,0.0,0.0,0.07031158498375745,0.038174219279864516,0.0,0.0,0.03890428021069449,0.0,0.0959604601379586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274789721887696,0.0,0.0,0.0522914028041499,0.04661450038700711,0.0,0.04836560779645917,0.0787673168616436,0.0,0.0,0.05127877228487214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047767580158339616,0.0,0.0,0.120029417080361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638624461624614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05098979070799032,0.03019757264451008,0.0413562806071037,0.0,0.04368733804008044,0.08218022308018956,0.0,0.12930200060335986,0.05144761523697603,0.0924694509592195,0.0,0.0,0.05008393208052117,0.0,0.11666800895858825,0.0,0.0,0.0706461857891113,0.0,0.16720737987239648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045269903897509525,0.0,0.04866969964652847,0.0,0.0,0.04692182295751395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172160498273653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05161221895670939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040637961130706224,0.0,0.04761025587372792,0.025126469589781708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291733121742212,0.08934576421370681,0.045823365855014425,0.0,0.040460686028790126,0.03839321372202557,0.0,0.0,0.1166083102498152,0.3301120662982928,0.0,0.2136287878554396,0.04635281775764685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046058004355728814,0.04607492085345628,0.04850160472750814,0.0,0.10709322368600836,0.03649319993757083,0.1457791023033195,0.06721879621116919,0.06780147527425269,0.07052403394020075,0.08831315755841394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04797535984606408,0.14607065192713276,0.030980997626026043,0.0347720555548145,0.0,0.0,0.05076655498974472,0.0,0.0,0.031696432367733535,0.03992086625460647,0.047767580158339616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04378704039179995,0.0,0.0,0.08749556803847615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058578696513354775,0.0,0.04514290034364609,0.196344313919482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03643285285568983,0.04162169347099269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03781998612176872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747667117883568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03236079113660508,0.09746269226473718,0.07302396631162729,0.1146716883577071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618095757711522,0.0,0.0,0.036747935815249835,0.0,0.04209275504232515,0.0,0.05308434514514332,0.09112283989517576,0.205068327975605,0.0,0.07259301104811719,0.07997895027074238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04973013868593516,0.08932342712919951,0.04759604388571383,0.10999085673438752,0.0,0.0,0.07544743605821717,0.18876753289027914,0.10887102125475667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251022396952752,0.0,0.0,0.0440723665144632,0.09916259501322794,0.3661310688364641,0.0,0.04659249931852855,0.06495623165595672,0.0,0.0,0.20609488379171134 bpd,PuzzleheadedWallaby0,2020/01/16,"Does anyone else feel like they’re easily manipulated and gullible? Does anyone else find themselves being easily manipulated and gullible? I wonder if I overlook things and let myself be yo-yoed by people with aggressive personalities because I need approval and hate rejection. Ive learned that I can trust too easily and I didn’t realize this was a reality with people who are emotionally fragile. I was diagnosed earlier this year and am learning a lot about vulnerability and fear of rejection. When I call people out they end up saying I am unstable or I don’t know what I’m talking about. I believe I do get exploited and I’m scared to say it because then I seem even more unstable. I am not sure if my instinct is just lying, I’m paranoid? Or what. Any input is helpful for anyone whose dealt with this.",4.618340874811466,6.857155248366016,6.275816993464055,71.03040723981903,71.6797385620915,9.413574660633484,31.37707390648568,9.851270322608157,3.540070286576169,655,30,111,18,13,224,99,153,0.271,0.619,0.11,-0.9764,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,6,9,2,2,2,0,16,1,0,2,1,31,26,14,0,3,6,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,10,12,0,0,8,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,4,17,3,11,20,2,6,0,2,0,0,9,2,0,7,5,75,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410435005896744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211257859579191,0.31371126561614243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18664072189050285,0.0,0.0,0.17247652712349482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563188537829679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537999371099914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679347774880287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557689433836558,0.17220217160267084,0.13558956585258233,0.0,0.0,0.10111246189467528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226533723287113,0.077405342695942,0.10936532086250957,0.0,0.0,0.13991866460165156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998159334046354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114163239066258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261093050039703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413256352928752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565417399644257,0.0,0.07479053271812765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301490185490172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351200584522785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183935690171037,0.1336695871383278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24348171452254536,0.15326670561830694,0.0,0.0,0.13936457557765666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428260330134332,0.0,0.0,0.12304546142065267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170414230640262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660162263319359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858295248426403 bpd,Parpraxia_,2020/01/16,"I got diagnosed today. I've suspected I had BPD for a very long time, but it's still strange to have it confirmed. I have a treatment plan and a change in medication (woo SNRI withdrawal here I come!) but I don't feel anything. Something my psychiatrist said stuck out to me though. He said I should stay away from other people with BPD. Not because any of us are bad people, but because we have a tendency to perpetuate each others symptoms if we get close, apparently. Two of my best friends have BPD. I don't know what to do with this, and I kinda feel like it's a crock of shit. Support groups are there for a reason, and I find personally that I benefit from talking to others who understand. In fairness, that could be the disorder talking because it's being validated by it, but I don't know. Is this something any of you have been told? I'm confused and obviously do not want to lose my friendships. Also any advice for newly diagnosed people or stories of your journeys are greatly appreciated - now that I know I have it I can take it all on board better.",3.731445135746608,5.554825475961536,5.123110859728508,80.12483031674209,73.08653846153847,7.9710407239819006,29.542986425339365,8.671277953709913,2.3886257918552034,841,36,160,16,17,281,124,208,0.106,0.7190000000000001,0.175,0.9553,1,0,2,0,0,0,24.0,3,2,0,4,6,11,1,1,7,0,22,5,1,1,2,36,39,12,0,4,8,0,2,1,1,1,4,2,0,1,17,12,0,0,9,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,7,4,23,7,24,28,3,14,0,1,0,0,15,6,1,4,6,115,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130917156709242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255062966011196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23610465286714605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523736000233772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873377820499563,0.0,0.09663116773251128,0.2116469812638481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145331972998705,0.10235531807825872,0.0,0.0,0.4372802206959809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242883410924572,0.09969264533868367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240237620905574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349305573805188,0.0,0.0,0.1326385991271948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703488891633568,0.08267877728234797,0.0,0.0,0.10577671255394366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941405426790955,0.0,0.060465056841893024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256124376837377,0.12759465053316976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908094109002554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05654068171394145,0.0,0.0,0.10241894692219024,0.0,0.1294742126212114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658755118721477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407014469787105,0.10105249028919283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899150252175048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201747716923366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879696670999293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17819189325121007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335463490229855,0.09242351605700153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133100564248934,0.0,0.12028958944538068,0.08701586454219598,0.1860415755226714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370584571293925,0.0,0.06748410755107667,0.0,0.10970015617141396,0.11058663594371528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305309227263205,0.12048082153052232,0.13921103203477148,0.0,0.0,0.0954908048712212,0.06826157801662258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WayOfKings0411,2020/01/16,What can I expect with a psych eval? So I'm going to my doctor this week to ask for a referral for a psych eval. I've never done this. I'm 34 and I've struggled my whole life trying to believe I can just will myself to control my issues but it doesn't work. I'm nuts. I get crazy. I get obsessed with relationships and some times can't function if things aren't in order. I become irrational. I get so pissed off that I don't remember everything I did and it's all a blur. I'll wake up some days and just not feel right. Hard to explain. The world feels out of place. I don't belong. I feel foggy or off balance and I can't be my normal dominant quick witted self. Every action or conversation is forced. Those days I don't want to be anywhere. No where is comfortable. And than I'll have days where I feel this what I can only discribe as a hotness or a string being pulled tight in my head and I become irrational and think things like people are talking about me and I wanna get in their face or my boss is out to get me and I wanna tell him about himself and I actually have. I'll look for a reason to justify being confrontational. I'm tired of being so miserable some days that I'll puke so I can ask to go home. I'm a hard worker. I'm not afraid of working any job for 12 hours a day 6 days a week but those bad day... I want help. What do I do and how do I make sure they really help me?,0.2572268211920523,2.2471593377483465,2.6257243377483452,93.04666597682122,84.76158940397352,5.6293046357615895,18.04677152317881,6.9077264865688965,0.009638741721853972,1088,26,250,14,32,372,151,302,0.17600000000000002,0.752,0.07200000000000001,-0.9853,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,2,4,12,10,2,4,11,0,28,7,4,5,3,53,53,25,0,7,11,0,8,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,14,16,0,2,8,0,0,4,11,7,0,0,2,9,36,3,32,45,5,31,0,1,1,0,14,13,1,9,14,159,50,8,0.0,0.0,0.10543823831408687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347563183621744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20201862802552467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021469104481687,0.0,0.2386587373455188,0.0,0.12173191418165577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118384307802607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.487769414710369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059063279276793,0.0,0.11056954407606184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910342163290232,0.0,0.09710563274157083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21852713969634432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822503623829957,0.0,0.12281114450684298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19357769120418244,0.0,0.11088734337533623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448431875814671,0.0,0.10837990156378756,0.0,0.10640448243317133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277294546982004,0.10721992704926488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631675689029578,0.05278628264543268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073222660449007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721221788579585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333246957201389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586307153868987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217457509407204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490615151326188,0.0,0.11288606727881792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921764357533114,0.11109026092568457,0.0,0.11600199003935904,0.12239613310261745,0.09227150588137932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127165341623462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129541327985077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183297272914804,0.0,0.0,0.08684404654887526,0.09443779762404683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356318659288936,0.06923212352057767,0.0,0.0,0.06300304607730893,0.12418407594151465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335678740914929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745778231818594,0.0,0.17333749376251606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206305623247186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731893446838968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MushLoveKater,2020/01/16,"Y’all. I have been consumed by anxiety for the past couple of days. All I have to do is make a couple phone calls, but I just can’t do it. I need to call my hospital about a bill I have, and I need to call my local health right, but I just can’t. I had to go to the ER last month, and since I don’t have insurance I now have a bill for +$1500. I was only there for a couple hours, ffs. They didn’t even diagnose my problem correctly and I had to go back to the hospital 2 days later and pay another $70 to see an RN. After that visit, I went to my local DHHR to apply for Medicaid even though I knew I’d be denied. I’ve been denied by them before. The lady working there told me I could contact my local health right if I was denied, but she didn’t tell me why I should call them. So when I get denied for Medicaid I got a shitty pit in my stomach. I’ve had the denial letter and hospital bill for almost a month now. I just can’t bring myself to call. I don’t want to be denied by the health right, too. I have a ridiculous bill and ridiculous anxiety about it. I hate this shit. I hate the US healthcare system. I hate having to be an adult sometimes.",0.913106060606058,2.35898718650794,3.299494949494949,91.80863636363638,79.9126984126984,6.327849927849928,19.39105339105339,7.1686216300943375,0.2281365079365081,889,20,207,11,22,308,118,252,0.257,0.738,0.006,-0.9968,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,1,3,1,16,7,6,0,16,0,29,6,2,1,2,24,45,13,0,7,7,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,1,0,5,5,7,7,1,0,13,1,40,0,27,27,1,26,0,0,1,0,18,7,1,2,13,141,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281554752484516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766512074588393,0.1570942756835374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895178650378391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737002375889245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5242202405471409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197872223987693,0.34082833331059703,0.0,0.13243552185970536,0.0,0.0,0.10421434869588096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356335408403963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05364416266574463,0.0,0.11670668830092985,0.0,0.0821196683935645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041149585136744,0.0,0.32742052245426423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011155365013145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369494113856843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685372706309294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16391058918535684,0.0,0.0,0.15226644660992866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809000201305713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801620803402804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824741412666002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630551629299944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181976899114643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539581270967337,0.08493494978250697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015495499659667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974366825904642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087900685218323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811166642469688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350702434410656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06056118006337551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518201860661574,0.0926494487178236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474961626065517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fitpolar,2020/01/16,"Does anyone else get REALLY ANGRY at being ignored? Is this a BPD thing, or something to do with my personality thing? I mean, I get **so angry** about it! Really deep anger where my heart hearts and my hands start to shake. This has progressively become more of annoyance for me in some areas more than others. In the workplace, I learned to let go of being ignored, but that would cause a whole bunch of other problems (like not caring enough to the point where I'm not respected or fired). Now I'm done with the whole employment thing and trying to build my own business instead. There's a lot I've learned to love about this side of things, but one thing I'm getting worse in is with dealing with being ignored. For example, I'm trying to spread the word on my business, but I don't have a network lol, probably due to BPD. So I try to post in slack groups, twitter, etc, and am frustrated that I get ignored when others who have a strong network don't. I know this is just the way of the world, but I just can't handle it. I don't know. How do you handle this? Does anyone know what I'm talking about or is a confusing diatribe? :)",2.628524229074891,4.541937788546257,3.755442731277533,88.3535165198238,76.40088105726872,6.654537444933921,23.68480176211454,7.554174236665415,1.0236891629955944,886,28,182,12,20,287,121,227,0.18,0.7609999999999999,0.059000000000000004,-0.9758,1,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,1,0,2,14,15,3,2,12,1,20,4,3,2,0,36,37,14,0,2,11,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,19,7,0,4,6,0,0,2,6,10,0,1,1,2,16,5,30,31,10,21,0,0,0,1,7,13,0,6,5,131,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687015330621905,0.12360476897810957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323183171632585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038710095277561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299537811407844,0.12392533081805444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243693431529856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21113692686530566,0.12345144412597266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007750266686158,0.0,0.0,0.12464815788584235,0.13453986497804565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25210714311919563,0.0,0.06855962584825227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859060087229592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19889345175059486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335741635373705,0.0,0.058936146269515585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255952612274433,0.10887775820100644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140683304614625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174536862410628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533379096336873,0.0,0.0,0.11403902661563466,0.0,0.11553494180508248,0.0,0.13006488669274366,0.11543136132376125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15456368441735244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928706832527076,0.0,0.0,0.08538604315979909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696180851416683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40072252391731816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457096504586761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575441342444772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26936924175920085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293732687006707,0.08569561195615577,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CitizenBell,2020/01/16,"Coping with Rejection? Whenever I get rejected particularly if it’s an FP, I am sent into a tailspin and I feel like I’m completely worthless because that person doesn’t want me in their life. I’ll spend months ruminating on it after and missing the other person. Anybody got any tips to deal with this? It’s an awful feeling.",3.4823809523809537,5.927404460317465,5.549444444444443,73.97750000000002,75.82539682539681,8.009523809523811,29.54761904761905,8.841846274778883,2.9101238095238102,263,12,44,6,6,91,52,63,0.233,0.688,0.079,-0.9053,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,9,10,3,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,4,0,0,2,2,5,1,7,8,0,6,0,4,0,0,5,3,0,1,3,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21277995286514506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19073844649182828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32806541533623984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225819506781693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164191536861567,0.22353290525347969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347520205854332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502514479956826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210076392420152,0.15286513980931846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497505353338444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5464172906259224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845541183940617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,am_2603,2020/01/16,"You don't have to read this... I'm just ranting Fucking hell. I know this seems like I'm looking for attention, and you don't have to read this, but fuck my life man. I wanna die right now.... All I've been doing is pushing away everything right for me and now I have nothing. I am the definition of antisocial. You know how most people that are antisocial, say they are antisocial, but talk to a few of people irl? I'm the opposite, when I say antisocial, I mean it. I am about to lose my ONLY fucking friend and I'm scared shitless. No one even wants to put up with my shit and I know I'm the bitch at fault because I'm an insane bitch. You are aloud to insult me... I deserve it, so go for it. You can invalidate my feelings all you want because I deserve it... I know I sound selfish af for wanting to leave, and leaving my parents, but... It hurts like hell... and I know it won't get better because I've been waiting WAY too long... fuck... if this gets taken down I'll understand...",0.8744170771756963,2.9489246847290644,3.060788177339901,90.33564860426931,82.94088669950739,5.837110016420361,23.459770114942533,7.07126945348624,0.8094440065681443,753,28,166,10,21,256,109,203,0.272,0.68,0.048,-0.9953,1,0,0,0,0,1,46.0,0,6,1,2,10,19,10,1,5,0,16,6,1,1,2,31,44,13,1,5,5,1,1,2,1,1,1,3,0,1,11,7,0,1,10,2,0,3,4,15,0,1,3,5,27,4,20,40,4,14,2,2,1,4,14,6,9,3,6,103,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583891941586838,0.0,0.0,0.2254769218173668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904366277330596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279598696812821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143462810780193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108088385635211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234123052573948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525676011606288,0.4559338468988818,0.12883221686234292,0.0,0.07007091093096916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13198894546227585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387962222648814,0.0,0.0,0.2611014207030307,0.0,0.0,0.08708630957025856,0.12047059489520458,0.0,0.0,0.10911144940452934,0.10353603973811168,0.1379346246387716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430348226341693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830406922899543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354731189106993,0.0937707625041492,0.0,0.0,0.13690357084564295,0.0,0.0,0.17095328903396048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394468220088925,0.0,0.0,0.2466550449788412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21058507340008614,0.0,0.196096925162868,0.1234389603364218,0.0,0.0,0.11224237023711302,0.0,0.0,0.12655968072427584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909917336976062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835356599234393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181662653207868,0.09786516322540163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,503noms,2020/01/16,"It's my birthday and I can't stop crying Turned 40 today and I'm sitting here crying. Why can't I just be happy? I always do this on holiday and birthdays. I feel like a selfish fucking asshole. My wife, who wants to divorce me the last time I checked, wished me a happy birthday. We started talking about sleeping (like actual sleep) and I thought to myself how I wish I'd never wake up. Told her I wished I was in bed cuddling with her and she didn't even really acknowledge it. I don't know how I'll get through today but I have too many responsibilities to not get through the day. I fucking hate this.",0.8596236559139783,3.2859667903225827,2.7646451612903213,89.96530107526883,86.74193548387099,4.91956989247312,24.395698924731175,6.42735559955562,0.8213802150537637,478,20,97,5,15,159,82,124,0.10099999999999999,0.807,0.092,-0.6236,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,1,0,0,0,7,8,3,0,4,0,8,6,3,2,1,22,24,8,0,4,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,7,0,1,4,1,1,0,6,4,0,0,4,1,21,4,10,19,0,12,0,0,0,3,9,3,2,0,10,62,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.14138769103905266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055663502043455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183006091379817,0.09343938811693264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569573847177666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325863985652986,0.10350648126877228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678892701241817,0.15139375494264487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084673661491027,0.0,0.14304478255628286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962547489789505,0.11810130663818455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415678171621238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689151269819434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174490061443887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281758649198407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899809726797255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255095142262516,0.0,0.0,0.12113105942188165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164537592657503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502318219279707,0.08448410515701528,0.0,0.2746696923482949,0.1384446400651904,0.0,0.0,0.15759420142398808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545742908395525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073694543576328,0.0,0.4998347367073297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwawayg2828,2020/01/16,"I FEEL AMAZING. Only with BPD can you attempt suicide and then feel euphoric a day later. Lmao. Please don’t shit on me, I’ve not had a good mood swing in ages!! 💖",-1.1085714285714268,0.9719095714285756,0.9628571428571426,100.62714285714287,96.14285714285714,2.8000000000000003,18.42857142857143,3.1291,-0.9317428571428574,125,4,29,0,5,41,32,35,0.21899999999999997,0.45799999999999996,0.32299999999999995,0.7194,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,5,5,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,3,2,3,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,4,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520676923006799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314842130971812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629779462711512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30105873057237537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27298722295819017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940042600547681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684429437999559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926180437218038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ghosttrainhaze666,2020/01/16,"BPD & Binge Eating Disorder My coping mechanisms have shifted over the years as I’ve learned more about my disorder. Before I found the right cocktail of drugs (Lexapro and lamictal), I found myself gravitating towards reckless behavior to cope with missing sense of self and lack of intimate relationships. I’d have unprotected sex with strangers, smoke marijuana constantly, lash out at people, spend time with complete strangers and follow them wherever. Since then, I’ve calmed down and rebuilt friendships and developed a relatively healthy, stable relationship. I no longer put myself in dangerous situations, though I still smoke marijuana daily (before bed) and drink on the weekends. However, I’ve developed a new habit over the last few years that has become an issue. My senior year of college, I moved into an off campus apartment with a kitchen. This allowed me the freedom to cook and shop for myself, instead of going to the dining hall. This, in addition to the late night smoking, led to a habit of late night binge eating. I’ll consume over 1,000 calories in a 20 minute period of eating. I scarf down whatever, regardless of how hungry I actually am. I’ve gained 20 pounds since senior year. I exercise regularly so I’m only about 5 pounds overweight for my height (168 lbs at 5’9”), so when I tell people I have an issue, they tell me I’m not fat and I shouldn’t worry (or that I’m “thiccc” And should be happy). I usually eat because I feel sad or lonely or bored. I’m rarely even hungry and I eat until I feel sick. I tell myself not to go to the kitchen, but I can’t seem to stop myself. I don’t purge but the next day but I usually have to use the bathroom quite a bit. I feel guilty and disgusted with myself. Plus, it makes me feel like my efforts at the gym are a total waste. I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried cleaning out my house of junk but sometimes I’ll eat my roommate’s stuff or just head to the convenience store. It’s terrible. I feel totally out of control. Any advice is appreciated. I’ve tried keeping a food- mood journal but it doesnt seem to help. I am in therapy. Mindfulness exercises don’t seem to do anything either. The only thing that does work is feeling shame from my boyfriend when he stays the night, so I either hide the eating or skip it altogether.",3.8750616202324615,6.134828833712988,4.873804100227794,80.16874131183927,73.874715261959,7.964978681151803,28.112902283745107,8.768130331264683,2.3953178085392204,1834,74,332,38,39,598,237,439,0.127,0.825,0.049,-0.9826,2,2,4,0,0,0,58.0,0,0,2,5,13,12,2,1,26,0,20,21,2,6,2,65,43,32,0,4,15,0,6,1,0,2,6,0,4,1,12,22,16,3,13,8,3,6,9,8,0,0,2,6,43,3,55,38,8,57,0,3,0,1,10,23,0,8,28,199,55,6,0.0,0.0,0.07369198572637649,0.0,0.0,0.07379262324456838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182073619819084,0.0,0.05135295599668253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062142612160111375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04603339232704068,0.08340065495760136,0.12851582273992926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244308905205353,0.0,0.09510880729765167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917629744223424,0.08160515235390622,0.08469676824238284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04870108568002887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309402576508698,0.0,0.06608389961865219,0.0,0.0,0.0739761909566729,0.0875737094723462,0.5408966348719576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049877106993630654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22909666052117714,0.0539481059786103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913133337697093,0.16559713637821954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583410774636491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038738229706979,0.0,0.0,0.07750042732039224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05061627680092933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713445363615753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576365922034399,0.0,0.06712141930016118,0.0,0.0,0.04150120365153216,0.061555003402973915,0.17036897070914025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036892934190232915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05040701229399973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624887027836634,0.0,0.0,0.08026075438373544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293309399964583,0.08031131955376551,0.21259782512451247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486549304559772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047055249859121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591367848136621,0.0,0.0803197582072079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215022426203834,0.0,0.0644896064566873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20623872815349067,0.07877886959638718,0.0,0.0,0.12493398171432325,0.08488229912752883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468650803369772,0.0,0.0,0.08048920334097373,0.060306572049698685,0.0631341260072817,0.0,0.0,0.08644688843971368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19801095729077367,0.0,0.08635826365537545,0.0,0.05016897316570055,0.0,0.07419334461080404,0.0,0.04403354652433523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102539788545872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522092560836946,0.16633874688244352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549759976015478,0.07668939669848061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945173671640007 bpd,aspedem,2020/01/16,"DAE change outfits many times a day? For some reason ever since I (19M) was a kid, I've always had this strange urge when I feel bad to change outfits mid-day. Maybe to ""start the day over"" or something, idfk, I'm just really tired of my mood being so based off how I think I look",2.9475000000000016,3.2961767500000008,4.026666666666667,92.91,73.16666666666666,6.666666666666668,21.66666666666667,5.985473137389443,0.04066666666666663,215,4,51,1,4,70,49,60,0.156,0.8440000000000001,0.0,-0.8268,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,2,1,8,8,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,5,0,6,5,1,8,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,6,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921996192954433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928644277416537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4887070617819572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4469023580551052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20894089108508454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679392584357053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397083511717464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341844794651018,0.2320574053314777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797613407721105,0.2374930219564733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910747650684658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782501405358592,0.0,0.0,0.16349372905500506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800708985970454,0.0,0.0,0.13469032911330178,0.26548548206176376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lurkerwithaquestio,2020/01/16,"Boyfriend of BPD here, I could really use some help or just support. Hi r/BPD, Throwaway because my gf knows my reddit account. I've been happily with my girlfriend for almost 6 years now. I've known since the start she has BPD and we've had lots of ups and downs, and I believe I got lucky because while she checks most of the BPD boxes, she's never taken her anger out on me nor have I suffered any verbal or physical abuse from her. She's very gentle and caring and wouldn't hurt a fly. Anyway, the last couple weeks have been chaos. She went from being good with DBT, taking care of herself, etc. but something snapped and its been wild. She's constantly running from one place to the next, looking for weed or alcohol or something to ""numb the pain"" as she says, but when I ask what pain she's feeling she says she doesn't know why. Her parents are super supportive of her, they know DBT, they love her and would never give up on her. She has a vast support system. Therapists, family, my family etc. But she claims she doesn't want anything. No help. Her parents set very basic rules for her: No drugs, no alcohol, and you have to do some basic chores and self care if you want to live here anymore. Her response? Break into their computer, send the largest e-transfer she can to her account from theirs and run away. Her parents are obviously immediately aware of this, and threaten to get police involved if she doesn't give back the money. She says all sorts of nasty things and stays away. Spending like 250$ on an uber to get to where her stoner friend lives. They're more saddened then angry, they're well off and the money was sent from savings, they're more just sad that their daughter they love so much, that I love so much, is acting this way. This is not like her. Running away, sure, its happened umpteen times. But stealing all this money with no regard for how it would affect us? Bizarre and saddening. Her plan was to use the money to ""get a place of her own"" with this stoner friend. She has no income, nor does the stoner friend. She stole enough to make a deposit, but like, what was the plan from then on? Why would she think she would get away with it? I don't like using this kind of language, but it was just frankly stupid. She's not stupid though. She's smart, one of the smartest I know and one of many reason I love her so much. &#x200B; The stoner friend isn't going to let her live there for long. Her parents, despite not giving up, aren't going to be too eager to let her back. &#x200B; My mom is not going to let her live in my house, not after what she did, she doesn't trust her. &#x200B; What do I do? Her parents say we have to do nothing, let her learn her lesson, because for weeks we have been offering all the help in the world and she wanted none of it. Have any of you had an experience like this? What helps you? How do I get her to start doing her DBT and having some hope for her life again? She's basically given up and it breaks my heart. &#x200B; Thanks so much for reading. I have no real friends to talk to about this, and I know if I posted in /r/relationship_advice they'd tell me to just break up with her, so I appreciate you taking the time to help me out.",3.612297584663725,5.015817077760499,3.8602589900657023,90.75894912241726,72.62363919129082,6.43093915637795,23.697876662329012,6.68642624312137,0.5569739359507415,2523,68,532,19,49,781,275,643,0.10300000000000001,0.695,0.20199999999999999,0.9973,6,0,5,0,1,0,105.0,3,5,7,4,25,42,3,0,22,0,54,12,1,8,7,97,103,47,0,13,22,7,1,5,7,5,7,4,1,1,23,30,2,0,11,1,9,10,24,10,1,3,16,6,95,32,78,74,19,66,0,3,1,4,109,26,0,16,27,367,118,3,0.0,0.059648309502832425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760286974682312,0.0504113157012462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21818679482767275,0.24468937672408184,0.06847003213648929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992680096103773,0.0,0.0,0.04142805968095672,0.0,0.04706397756439232,0.0,0.18919589760580924,0.07742143149425658,0.0,0.09206601034381677,0.0,0.0,0.056719403887765314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25362135307475064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398435474831212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05440297735281318,0.0,0.04019484744387089,0.05570365288154555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04405556255501586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058381981966826625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05201785209851495,0.1122916682682407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049245185602815135,0.09491793786278524,0.0,0.02545497041634229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944746671073376,0.0,0.1315108893924032,0.14488098918024006,0.08583338585484966,0.04222538123336369,0.040263954512028105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044518213311307744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059656784055517977,0.16871950367438232,0.0,0.0,0.050002030850793806,0.0,0.058089147205552874,0.05389330100950224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05242456366761411,0.13833618204504936,0.04103632380417988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059168125058172,0.03555880137566572,0.1229754130306451,0.0,0.1778154236185703,0.0445520355189296,0.0422755022050892,0.0,0.0,0.042799880492679465,0.18174635611076612,0.0,0.033604392236909746,0.051039974499485885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058961198805436925,0.0,0.0,0.1480318052051205,0.0,0.07765536310497337,0.0,0.053540429407076616,0.0,0.0,0.048305536431681916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023413077324823,0.0,0.10713715852900096,0.0,0.2795001250680019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519559289495817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04821474795103988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05035669668395197,0.057301438727142086,0.03225106175731369,0.051761063808118866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013932951469548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05251880469441124,0.0,0.0,0.041644310326906464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077513114476216,0.0,0.0,0.07126617255638279,0.053659017601176806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138616839810222,0.047447750642425464,0.0,0.0757034514471139,0.04046385522290444,0.04400206487935551,0.046349137936041805,0.0,0.05845218809989276,0.03344570081936564,0.03225780849967975,0.04946181374781573,0.0,0.05871090158470334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060556518400368575,0.13044075416024126,0.0,0.08307661537636991,0.0890809466343725,0.0399599881761166,0.08076435324049727,0.0,0.04526446870694991,0.04666853316032295,0.09085358627754213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304909896252388,0.0,0.24468937672408184,0.03241928853541755 bpd,bbpoison420,2020/01/16,"Why is working so hard for me I have no idea how normal people keep jobs. I work so hard, get rave performance reviews, and then one day I call in sick which leads to me calling I'm sick at least once a week until I just stop showing up. This is a cycle I've been trying to break but seems impossible. Right now I'm working a shitty retail job making less than I have in seven years and God do I want to just walk out of this place right now, but I spent the whole summer unemployed after losing my job in May. I know I shouldn't quit until I have another job lined up and I don't want to disappoint my partner again by quitting out of the blue but when I am at work I get so self destructive. I have been talking to someone else about a future job opportunity that would be much closer to my home and pay me way better but I probably shouldn't quit this job until I have an offer right? Sorry I don't know what I'm looking for, reassurance maybe? Someone to tell me it's okay to quit? Someone to convince me to stay? I have no idea",2.169225280326195,3.657305963302754,3.856269113149846,88.98625891946995,76.5229357798165,6.4958205912334375,22.202854230377174,7.1686216300943375,0.6027300713557593,812,22,177,9,18,272,123,218,0.142,0.75,0.109,-0.7436,8,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,13,11,8,1,0,7,1,19,2,0,3,0,29,33,17,0,6,6,0,2,0,1,4,2,0,1,2,7,6,0,2,5,1,3,2,6,3,0,2,3,4,26,5,30,25,4,34,0,2,2,0,8,14,0,2,15,116,33,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719662353252036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197936766994733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18929969897622825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597792742503508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743305240904569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685646469753298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606932455330478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297857070145167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092780801307794,0.0,0.0,0.5519006065098058,0.08238973888137653,0.0,0.0,0.10188322499027827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783871939836164,0.10369968341201206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061873253336927,0.0,0.09312251115997497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813997200728222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081939492203513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871494973054816,0.06281113111169691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426160943088123,0.0,0.0968443875317135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999386606065995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943613811927405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374777779698905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438416597344156,0.09669894592650197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23561526698983326,0.0,0.0,0.10376215093111964,0.0,0.09879833464750527,0.0,0.0774954434885046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450306934715557,0.08101771007891996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293241778355595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093453883398004,0.07357533665036271,0.07435268064681247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364095563294231,0.10348835075536078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699262401993832,0.0,0.0,0.06584640095057191,0.0,0.0,0.059691210554066676 bpd,imahyperlover,2020/01/16,"How to stop taking medication? Short version: My therapist kicked me. I can‘t get my meds from her again. I take 50mg Quetiapine XR every night. I still have a package with 60 of them. Is it possible to stop taking them with the time and amount I have? Should I half it tonight and continue with the half of it? Please help.",1.1892187499999984,3.7445719843750034,2.4643750000000004,91.643125,86.96875,6.325,20.5,7.645422480735847,0.8365062499999998,253,8,54,5,8,81,46,64,0.07,0.8420000000000001,0.08800000000000001,0.2824,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,9,9,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,11,0,8,8,2,9,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,8,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20287870964238794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580454168879862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139864867299233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26746703254953164,0.24257388001932306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259681658060598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264318694222494,0.0,0.2714582244965028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19229781110141056,0.4026279002227442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5431397006874702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27957953780819145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040848822718147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,smallnpc,2020/01/16,"The ever confusion of am I being unreasonable or is this actually something to be mad about continues I just can't tell anymore.. I feel so alone in my relationship these days. I will most likely be moving for college, I've been with my bf for 4 nearly 5 years. I'm not expecting him to move with me but he won't even have any conversation about it with me, just says that it's a problem for later. I asked him late one night about it and he said he wasn't going to move with me, but then was shocked when I said I'd still go. He thinks staying in the city we're in with no college degrees and just working Is fine but I want to go to college.. He doesn't want to listen to me or try to understand me. He tells me he never gets to meet his friends because of me but he's spent the last four days with friends and will be with them again tonight, i just wanted to hang out with him but he says we have plenty of time for that, we also live together so he says we hang out all time but two or three hours before bed doesn't make me feel like I'm with my bf it makes me feel like I'm with a friend. We don't go on any dates, he doesn't do anything romantic for me.. I just feel like he's so checked out of this relationship.. Whenever I try to bring up my feelings he always has an argument against them, I can't even tell him how I feel without it being turned on me and me feeling like the bad guy for feeling this way. It hasn't always been like this and I can't tell whether I'm just nit picking because of this disorder or something is actually wrong. It always feels like it's my fault that I feel this way. Like am I creating problems because that's just who I am, I get that meeting your friends is important but why does it make me so insecure.. i just don't know anymore I feel so stupid Sorry for the rant I just needed to get it out",2.5867498908773463,3.5070285898734213,4.001562636403321,90.63329113924057,74.49367088607596,7.271060672195549,25.77258838934963,7.6298220110432995,1.0786831078131822,1443,48,336,18,29,478,167,395,0.124,0.7490000000000001,0.127,-0.2616,0,1,2,0,0,0,27.0,4,1,2,1,25,23,2,2,8,0,32,0,0,5,3,77,71,26,0,7,23,0,11,8,6,3,0,6,1,1,23,23,0,0,14,0,2,10,15,10,0,4,7,17,50,13,50,56,2,43,0,0,0,0,49,11,0,6,27,212,73,4,0.0,0.0,0.1456704751019123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730173263672019,0.0,0.059687421279594075,0.18631263624565314,0.0,0.0,0.1015118458837623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804029051784814,0.0,0.0,0.061420137808806535,0.0,0.0697757995449716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062319027308306935,0.13649461467353105,0.0,0.06351084440223552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962697669096666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554081126313648,0.0,0.06531560358394951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859446452493292,0.06751371027733162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4151274723518997,0.2666045076438903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306583691544708,0.0,0.11698472502036693,0.0,0.16967238882377336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390266076040991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350270526543072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04101870775790513,0.060839360632139815,0.08419412457541248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917121148749952,0.0,0.06590610269519923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946293054035595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379829117346989,0.0,0.055342611700619,0.057564886458981626,0.0,0.0,0.07004204931798126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050576165630014214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428356308735746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16026505442421735,0.0,0.0,0.1419943267960587,0.17806372836096826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491887888988962,0.0,0.08355034591379233,0.0,0.07955343023859777,0.05960544362901425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26094515741989965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04782456766545497,0.0,0.0,0.08704321887103357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134765379907798,0.08118394899170506,0.07290979618635314,0.0777000607906526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206903872780526,0.11848722819830995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734855352344689,0.0,0.0,0.07194769308105392,0.0,0.05433684281188143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160417001831151,0.0,0.048063973665271695 bpd,idekokok,2020/01/16,"Sometimes ""expecting someone to come save you"" is ""literally needed more of the love/help that every human being deserves in their life."" I can't sleep as usual and I've just had a weird mental health/emotional spell, and basically I know I won't be able to explain what I'm thinking in words, but hey. I've realized, in all my years of reading about mental health stuff and trying to figure out what's wrong with me, different stuff I've read mentioned PDs (including BPD) ""needing to be rescued"" or ""waiting for someone to save them,"" or stuff like that, and I always thought of it as some horrible thing. Like, immediately a pang of guilt if I recognized those things in myself, in the same way you'd feel if you'd *chosen* to do something wrong and bad. But... It wasn't my fault. It wasn't fucking just some way I chose to be for fun. It was literally a human being who had been failed and had a lot of things lacking in their life from the beginning, reacting the way most humans fucking would. If you see the life and the love others have, and you recognize that you didn't get that (through no fault of your own, just bad luck)... You're going to feel a desperate need to get it some way, to fill the holes. If people see a child being neglected, they want to help. They think it's horrible and wrong, and would see the child as a victim (correctly, obviously). They'd never dream of placing blame on the child, seeing them as a bad person or having done something wrong. But see people who are suffering the lifelong consequences of said abuse, or other traumatic issues, and suddenly they're to be judged.",8.111923076923077,6.673048141025642,7.990589743589747,74.82107692307696,62.782051282051285,11.26871794871795,34.58205128205128,10.203070172399654,3.259426666666668,1268,43,244,23,15,409,162,312,0.223,0.675,0.102,-0.9937,1,0,2,0,1,0,54.0,0,7,7,1,4,24,3,1,18,0,28,8,1,1,4,62,55,26,0,12,14,0,2,2,0,3,4,1,0,7,23,14,0,2,9,3,0,3,7,17,0,0,11,8,24,7,38,31,10,21,0,3,5,3,29,9,2,14,7,165,47,3,0.0870750420676429,0.10316968623390828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245341043646338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181120689986345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966796727784377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750074385901324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909748859827069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910799984407909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794770234584768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733644784577589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805551516335082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099894656600194,0.09098623118103406,0.0,0.04948675305217335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18511339581073705,0.0,0.0,0.1167291304696586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088372111246366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047854165911296584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18451103198190855,0.08508093444797102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402808693293869,0.15717725020533496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550232427143864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936951211079162,0.0671576404486357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073374079887113,0.07603056809252348,0.0909748859827069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741972116213189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282830499032386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469376744210532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713792662165702,0.0,0.14755680114944406,0.1340692429706575,0.08611944310795927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990402719384752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354636643524338,0.11158834204169446,0.0,0.06912785702512547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05911823780805296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590085696822613,0.0,0.051359115848043306,0.2764644615348147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371122315969472,0.3808115569274453,0.0,0.05607347222416663 bpd,wolvesofpatience,2020/01/16,"S/O made me cry while we were having sex I’ve never been in a relationship before so this is brand new territory for me. We’ve only been together about a month, I asked him to wait a little while before we had sex. He was very respectful about it. On our first date I wanted to have sex, but tried my fucking hardest to not make it like every other one night stand I’ve had. We waited. I didn’t get anxious like I usually do. He asked me to be his girlfriend a few dates later, I said yes, it’s been one month since then. Last night we went out for drinks and got pretty drunk and I ended up back at his. We took our clothes off and just lay together for a while, regardless of how drunk I was this was the most romantic moment of my entire life. I’ve never let myself have this before, the whole romance and courting and being honest with one another. My previous sex life has always been rough and painful and self destructive and this just... wasn’t. We started having sex and that’s when he finally saw the scars on my arms. I’d been hiding them before that. He ran is fingers across them and I stopped completely dead. I panicked. He didn’t even fucking blink. He pulled my arm to his face, kissed where the scars are the worst and whispered ‘it’s okay, don’t worry. You’re beautiful.’ And I just burst into tears lmao. Ruined the sexy mood a little but holy shit, I have never felt so wanted and respected and comfortable. I’m counting this as solid progress on my end. I finally feel like I’m in a relationship that is healthy and good for me and holy fuck dudes, I’m so fucking happy.",2.2208281573498962,4.268125658385095,3.4742608695652173,89.27110144927539,78.13043478260869,6.529358178053831,21.913457556935807,7.554174236665415,0.8211350724637674,1250,36,259,18,30,406,175,322,0.179,0.647,0.17300000000000001,-0.0946,0,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,8,0,2,2,13,22,6,0,13,2,29,21,5,3,3,46,54,28,1,3,6,0,4,3,1,0,3,2,0,1,13,25,3,3,2,3,0,4,8,9,0,4,22,7,37,12,26,29,4,46,0,1,1,10,27,14,5,1,30,163,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403826624767728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590500687366916,0.0,0.11409877410600106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18883863181690205,0.0,0.0,0.07766107941407159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437667799055299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589427914895476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094134857447496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893940066163882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890815865292395,0.0,0.0,0.06670809903657407,0.0,0.08509500845597567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05106752589902843,0.07215285355095467,0.09697373335814746,0.22127632182223425,0.0,0.08590868309878666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734833807160583,0.0527671856631908,0.0,0.0,0.08471216876161672,0.08077717263895202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751404367235386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232669275959817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327710053961664,0.14267547598675615,0.14802728081399014,0.20245267151968874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955665670742218,0.06741682047989153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16123097205559972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336872053885218,0.09754431142514808,0.0,0.18955920031177545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20531618374278848,0.07681338341204456,0.1074687875970875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027510791570115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21686769483755453,0.0,0.0,0.09607204278844468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053627395770216,0.0,0.10367279757962497,0.08354642969064828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148676767683831,0.0,0.0,0.08443868909275579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221227984576927,0.06857088133019519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123481562463773,0.08333376817858458,0.1191422467453927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362597900740033,0.0,0.11276044475376408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256817562956594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,arllt,2020/01/16,"I hate myself & want to disappear... how do i relax myself? my mind is running with self-hate comments. i'm annoying, no one likes my company, my boyfriend is sick of me, i'm lazy, i'm incompetent etc etc. i dont know how to challenge these thoughts bc of my low self-esteem :( i don't really want to talk to a friend about it because it just feeds into itself. anyone who's done DBT have any techniques or reminders for these moments? do i really need to isolate to feel ok again? reeee",1.6463636363636347,3.839099343434341,3.40837373737374,88.2592272727273,80.81818181818181,6.384242424242425,24.041414141414148,7.554174236665415,1.2107850505050504,381,14,78,6,10,127,68,99,0.228,0.636,0.136,-0.9023,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,2,0,1,1,8,2,0,2,0,13,18,3,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,3,1,0,2,3,3,0,1,2,1,12,5,12,16,2,6,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,48,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261603142958336,0.0,0.1419444655215243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14594980269686902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127240684458876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21360462570529407,0.2446315701029784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4655812283856479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554083466504943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126531166218774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20607897955840804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471328293540145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019755868677098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21075914576333124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477164009813732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144175462439892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674372761805037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43550461009377617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16777034049308115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570936449587656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462302988838793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dnamie,2020/01/16,"DAE feel like they easily accept other people’s opinions as their own? i find that i sometimes have a hard time not taking someone else’s opinion as my own when they’re expressing it. i usually realise this when i’m reading a bunch of opinions and i find myself agreeing with the other one as well, even though it’s contradictory. it’s not necessarily that i can’t form my own opinion, it’s just that i end up easily agreeing with other people. i end up needing to take a step back and ask myself “what do i ACTUALLY think?” and have to kind of ruminate on that. i do also have OCD so it does become a kind of ritual for me to form my own opinion in my head until it feels right.",2.4695476190476167,4.216571907142857,4.721428571428572,81.99190476190478,76.35714285714286,7.238095238095237,24.523809523809533,8.07648339933343,1.4879523809523811,537,18,107,9,12,187,81,140,0.028999999999999998,0.84,0.131,0.9074,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,9,5,0,0,5,0,6,1,1,0,0,20,14,12,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,15,5,0,0,6,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,3,18,5,17,14,7,14,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,5,9,83,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.1699337612814787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139258253838158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16279570798137466,0.0,0.0,0.13390152517171475,0.0,0.0,0.19232195808792305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238951036063264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547011930705092,0.0,0.3084695125284208,0.0,0.0,0.11501663728723037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17609901011463294,0.12440436327767085,0.0,0.0,0.3183183159552617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599362096946387,0.0,0.17871602977801454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626762717285043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507512736778321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291212671455494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800054953744755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414510005724986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17418532203426929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871306941624016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475467298663523,0.0,0.17222713029163064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618605059061301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115807257354742,0.17108989515604958,0.0,0.10154138349897883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19178862277871853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657115294742585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,floralblood,2020/01/16,"I need help. I think it's time to ""come out"" and seek real help, but I'm not really sure and that's why I need your help too. I'm not asking you to diagnose me, let's get that out of the way. I'll try to be as quick as possible. I've been struggling with -this- all my life. What's this, I don't know. I always thought it had to be either BPD or Bipolar. I remember printing all the symptoms and showing them to a friend because I thought he could really help me, but he just laughed off at me. Everyone I've tried to talk about, just thought I was making shit up. Which is why I kinda put all of this really deep inside me and tried to not think about it. But it just doesn't work that way. My mood is constantly changing. I say it feels like bipolar because it's totally the switching between manic and depressive states but there's also mixed states which are... the craziest of all. And I'm constantly changing. Sometimes they last months, and sometimes i switch back and forth multiple times a day. It's... really tiring. I've tried to do my best with this, and my partner knows I struggle with my mental health, but... yesterday I watched this tv show that depicted a Bipolar woman and I got incredibly triggered. I'm not ok right now. And I want to tell my partner how im feeling and why, but I'm incredibly afraid they'll just disregard me, as everyone before them did. I... want to get help, I'm tired of living like this, I want to know what's wrong with me and what are my chances. So.. should I tell her? what can i do really about all of this? i'm kind of lost. thank you.",2.176735319894832,3.8607074754601234,3.5740271691498684,90.17578220858898,77.00613496932516,7.2338299737072775,24.52629272567923,8.07648339933343,1.2708268185801934,1231,42,271,21,28,404,153,326,0.105,0.7559999999999999,0.139,0.858,0,0,0,0,0,0,54.0,0,3,4,3,15,17,1,3,7,1,19,10,1,3,7,67,49,26,0,7,16,0,2,2,3,2,9,1,0,3,24,20,0,1,11,3,0,2,6,7,0,0,9,4,40,9,33,34,8,24,0,2,1,0,24,7,1,2,13,166,64,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208768413142924,0.07500657136482376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427195696818426,0.0,0.0,0.06931474857147954,0.0,0.10990122047251308,0.0,0.07670543628853257,0.0,0.0945999890174945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353251923557438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907196343073649,0.07765060004231351,0.0,0.19482609008746546,0.0,0.07197220952050135,0.0,0.0,0.058135067654220864,0.0,0.07764042111040796,0.09149370390813487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227185834055328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115847331932146,0.06439849845420792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696446056028674,0.0,0.09419246383551892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209595146020402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581827169915524,0.0,0.0,0.3021062708498793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973703943348788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387053118127278,0.1486214474476982,0.07347894276523574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217778469092272,0.06367098435890571,0.08807907237236097,0.0,0.07959831756124698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840222382280207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06017145262863224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084339529953436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195164150618405,0.0,0.0,0.13368045145037954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016231951982766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061906470402896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260298063464614,0.2887410105607895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021149560583364,0.07698201348088246,0.0,0.07168568926899702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253095568784407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830835336703946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188475011668166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495913450801941,0.09369355951529697,0.0,0.07245389026981339,0.15757869648611278,0.08299197729971941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552056542835215,0.0,0.21469148974564825,0.10512674083145787,0.2072132695120528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448059406120507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15950682645099307,0.1431033490282232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24402132722561046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656255049614814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855771125596696,0.0,0.0 bpd,m3l22,2020/01/16,Frustrating I haven’t worked in about a month and I fucking hate my job and honestly almost all jobs I’ve had. I’ve had 8 different jobs in 2 and a half years and when you feel this shitty the line between what matters and what doesn’t blurs. It feels like being a good person doesn’t matter anymore since I’m unhappy anyways.,1.844221748400852,4.18859679104478,3.1130063965884887,89.79164179104478,81.08955223880595,6.216631130063965,23.004264392324096,7.447530270364453,1.0360891257995741,263,9,53,4,7,85,49,67,0.2,0.647,0.152,-0.7463,4,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,3,6,3,0,4,0,6,1,0,0,1,12,11,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,2,4,3,4,8,1,5,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,2,4,31,8,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280898418847034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258976179971165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379827407458985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23034590931336424,0.1627268441945888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105799317421666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19105195718589735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22488665210675807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6781127038132003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128232669068204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18181267945629667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988896471776378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18842285756145824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658273341365525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466835430338742 bpd,MorningSlipstream,2020/01/16,"I've been working on a project for several weeks now and I'm really starting to feel the BPD doubt *I'll preface this post with some context: I was diagnosed with BPD in my mid-to-late 20s (I'm 34 now) after spending essentially my entire life bouncing through diagnoses (I started therapy and medication at 5). I'm currently at a point in my treatment where I'm stable enough to only see my therapist as needed (which has been once in the last year) and only see my psychiatrist once every three months (the minimum necessary to not be discharged from her care). I'm mostly posting just to vent in a safe place to people who understand, not really to seek advice or anything, though I wouldn't turn it down. Anyway, just thought some context would be appropriate!* I'm a game developer by trade and in early December I came up with an idea that I absolutely love and decided to give it a whirl. I've been humming along quite nicely. The main gameplay loop is implemented, I've built out several of the game's environments to the point where while clearly unfinished they mostly behave as they should - interaction, lighting, actors, etc and I've just started to really plot out the narrative. Early in the process, I decided that I would do a vertical slice to attract potential investors or other contributors. This would limit the scope to something manageable in the short term and keep costs down. But BPD is really starting to get in the way. That constantly nagging feeling. The second guessing, the easy irritation at things that shouldn't get me so upset. I can feel the snowball building in the back of my mind and while I absolutely have the coping skills to divert that snowball and keep myself on track, it is still so tiring and frustrating to continually have to right the ship. It's like driving and your brain constantly tries to swerve you into oncoming traffic and you have to keep yourself in the right lane. It's possible and I'm successful, but it doesn't make it any less difficult, time consuming and draining. Like I said, I just wanted to vent to people who understand how frustrating it is to stay focused on something because the BPD mindset is constantly trying to turn you away. Thanks for listening! TL;DR: I started a project, I set clear and attainable goals, I am meeting those goals, but BPD is showing its ugly face and trying to ruin everything, and even though I'm being successful in punching BPD in the face, it's just exhausting.",7.480752897317451,7.977681391684903,7.691198638463413,70.06743901450686,63.31072210065646,11.234265337547617,36.838398573628346,10.980518767755715,4.314336477834509,1984,91,333,51,27,646,239,457,0.065,0.85,0.085,0.7232,1,0,2,0,0,0,52.0,0,4,2,9,18,18,3,2,28,0,27,10,3,2,2,70,66,31,0,8,12,0,3,2,0,6,6,2,0,0,23,25,0,5,9,4,3,2,5,8,0,2,7,8,29,10,61,50,9,65,0,1,2,1,17,33,0,8,27,222,52,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114023634269664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049507135887990016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05990897086516383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839887991836786,0.0559794293945748,0.0,0.044378777522898274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5501414151115673,0.08126992614609345,0.0,0.08326488136754126,0.07422541061421525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360158605284156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477828440131134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522283229863219,0.08119229254870232,0.04808433449854392,0.0,0.06133793212290727,0.0,0.06542879095401714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110431028591999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607097316877594,0.06983729567639645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019844344509539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218340029319156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941264623502396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05934248299656952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05142145714814007,0.07113372427404276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570569100352162,0.0,0.04859519299157463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733392883543202,0.0,0.0,0.07350819653732622,0.0,0.058109016025147675,0.0,0.0,0.053980974811474174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506125101220766,0.0,0.11073679134297043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094201108960027,0.0,0.07606148777448782,0.0,0.1376408399466844,0.08207212170129334,0.13944635363156166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743276130611881,0.0,0.0,0.18655258624894264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434321056106168,0.06925036551956351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602584777738464,0.0,0.0,0.16448868126128868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209144122572368,0.0,0.0,0.2576444014172979,0.07759611593877999,0.05813892500358045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702532475862417,0.08325421995403212,0.08452750287726442,0.04836570989283874,0.0,0.14305310852480754,0.05779581469321756,0.04245081376720014,0.08367397148030484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828117915337313,0.1583730355670301,0.0,0.15157669273289165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04293988082520943,0.05778599784425085,0.058396523063001124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05299995162914215,0.0,0.0,0.15514709778888933,0.0,0.0,0.04688141871221755 bpd,itsstonerrick,2020/01/16,"DAE get so excited when people reply to your post? i know like everyone does but sometimes i will post anything to get responses, even if it’s stupid like this post. i think i just love it when people are like “i relate so much to this.” or just hearing their opinions/thoughts. it makes me feel relevant and it’s the only attention i get from any other social media even though no one knows who i am on here. i will comment a bunch of random stuff too and constantly refresh to see if i got upvotes or someone responded.",3.1322222222222216,5.133303689320388,4.224789644012946,85.1567529665588,75.2135922330097,7.2962243797195265,26.97842502696871,8.167268648758528,1.8602586839266464,412,16,79,7,9,134,72,103,0.069,0.779,0.151,0.8275,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,0,11,6,1,0,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,16,16,12,0,2,7,0,1,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,12,5,7,13,2,7,0,0,1,1,8,1,0,5,6,56,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176459190663474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423642432819674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869515193992884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139344863861048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285297108511257,0.0,0.0,0.16530889498447873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874739881373983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711560482804001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836388814220374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949835511203871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19015252973011196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25355715551084984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561392366443474,0.0,0.115478830256614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717489119685882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722926396606093,0.13157428074083471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23987280730417546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4970584787176833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13785858596330045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17635169357493105,0.1465823219521749,0.0,0.17110140417326958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980435876285899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085140198111904,0.1699716023340146,0.13734266011985902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ArchetypicalDegen,2020/01/16,"Does anyone else struggle inviting people to things because of fear of rejection? My birthday is in 10 days and I still haven't tried anything because I'm scared of potentially having most people decline and only having a couple of friends show up (or none at all). I barely have any actual friends these days.",8.810526315789474,8.533946192982455,8.174385964912283,70.29736842105265,60.75438596491228,9.705263157894738,38.29824561403509,8.841846274778883,3.5858350877193,251,11,39,3,3,79,45,57,0.182,0.688,0.13,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,3,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,5,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,8,6,3,6,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,2,3,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.2223669181889045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549584863579739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933104842838886,0.2334783457453339,0.1875164716765976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277813210884367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25213231148855336,0.0,0.2939128381024373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19940937885250784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903550058266544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564155666351259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521014856818093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17330436575314245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159508415870376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281362565371515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18197618697671664,0.0,0.0,0.2382177738239835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138579645528066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15470784608350013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,introspectivebpd,2020/01/16,"The instability of relationships and the volatile nature of BPD So, I have been struggling with purpose lately, and the introspective in me has analyzed my past relationships to conclude my antisocial tendencies (particularly towards women) are partly because I subconsciously fear that the volatility will come through unintentionally. My previous relationships helped me identify the symptoms associated with having BPD (surprise surprise, relationships brought out the borderline in me), so I'm not so proud to admit I have been the toxic one in my earlier years. I'll spare you the details, I'm sure you fellow borderlines' can draw your conclusions. Even with coming to these conclusions I still fear that I lack the ability to control my emotions (obviously they're quite intense) though I am certainly much better at controlling them now than I was before I knew I was suffering. I have opportunities where women will throw themselves at me but I am either too weird for them (strangers) or I turn them down (friends/colleagues) because I don't want to subject them to my potentially volatile behavior. Ultimately I think the purpose we have is to love and experience life, but I'm just struggling to do either. The girl I have fallen for is stunning but she has a boyfriend. I can't lie, even if it makes me a terrible person, I really hope they break up. I don't even know the guy, but I know her and she is an absolutely charm. A real sweetheart. She has been indirectly flirting with me, but I can't really tell her intentions. I've heard rumors it's not going too well with her current bf, but I don't know anything definitively. She could just be very friendly, but I don't know, my intuition tells me otherwise. Anyway, this could be problematic because another colleague of mine told me directly she likes me and as I mentioned earlier, I turned her down. I gave it to her straight though, somewhat... I told her about the BPD and how I don't really do well in relationships. Or at least I didn't want to subject herself, nor myself, to that commitment and potentially ruin a friendship. That felt somewhat relieving but I think she's still interested, I feel really bad because I have developed feelings for a different coworker who is slightly older. I've always liked older women because they have more life experience and are generally much more mature. I'm not really sure where this going... Anyway, I just needed to tell someone where I stand in life, but I'm too introverted to update my friends/family. I don't really feel comfortable telling any of them this. So if you took the time to read this, uh thanks I guess... I hope you find someone who will love you the way you deserve, I know I sure as hell wish I could. TL DR: Borderline personality disorder effects almost every single aspect of an individuals life, but particularly interpersonal relationships; specifically romantically.",6.661451417004049,8.564222550000004,7.4014574898785455,66.37091093117415,65.80769230769229,10.858299595141704,35.41497975708502,10.882677951670544,4.4781153846153865,2346,113,375,70,38,778,247,520,0.107,0.72,0.17300000000000001,0.9904,2,0,0,0,0,0,69.0,1,7,7,10,27,35,1,4,22,0,44,8,0,7,6,85,85,32,0,12,22,0,4,2,4,3,6,1,0,7,14,17,0,2,18,1,0,8,13,10,3,1,14,5,86,25,45,63,12,39,1,2,0,2,61,17,1,11,13,276,100,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677260670121684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05627722656492154,0.0,0.0,0.0459937012186191,0.07092055003400051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055657336197381314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05647188655273425,0.20614646729451744,0.0,0.05755188029825559,0.0,0.0,0.05981711746032976,0.0,0.0,0.2555494215205451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652206818595598,0.0,0.0,0.1517154281430046,0.16200165936912006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066353729002754,0.07751486500876087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607958001182852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401562065067935,0.0,0.056984886579013835,0.0,0.0,0.13231881349529948,0.0637596790614306,0.1522149736591309,0.10259393203066182,0.0,0.06493961628097712,0.0,0.06181660277357642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052254158231998284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768763594895706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450690046698634,0.06696867481195055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04533390272862303,0.0,0.0,0.13435241056648947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18585044657263197,0.0,0.07629453245326398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19108866581565448,0.06608548852897066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208534653332692,0.0,0.045146477311320786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943811046977306,0.050150039634408505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045830809803890274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324144825003281,0.06456467366462358,0.0,0.11811147275544305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193749394236816,0.06765268802624133,0.07698273741012779,0.2599699142232957,0.0,0.0,0.4356841094632641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146127901979776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802581477693916,0.0,0.0,0.14141228882313586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912338228958062,0.07029802296748025,0.0,0.0,0.23646173508773105,0.06226865492691368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667476616013017,0.13290088012303755,0.0,0.039438153912060535,0.0,0.0,0.12925510693504508,0.0751442905501549,0.0,0.14713357879228056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558054510367112,0.07978502547617193,0.05368502685110891,0.0,0.0,0.12162286971777275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777620512253662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043554326589064496 bpd,kindasadfolks,2020/01/16,Early signs as a teen What are some of the early signs of bpd ?,-1.7814285714285738,0.13193085714285854,0.6257142857142846,103.04428571428572,97.57142857142857,2.8000000000000003,7.0,3.1291,-2.5074571428571426,48,0,12,0,2,16,11,14,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,IlIlIlIlIlIlIIIl,2020/01/16,How to take it slow I feel like I’ve met the one as cheesy as that sounds. He’s stuck with me for years and now I’m struggling with trying to figure out how to take it slow and not overwhelm him with my feelings. I know he feels the same but my head always tells me he’s going to hurt me like everyone else has. I just really hate feeling so insecure. What should I do to help reinvest my energy?,1.1155588235294118,2.9278480117647057,2.713750000000001,94.530625,80.64705882352942,6.132352941176473,18.86029411764705,7.1686216300943375,0.11032352941176482,311,7,72,4,8,102,59,85,0.179,0.672,0.149,-0.7186,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,3,2,0,3,1,1,2,0,19,15,8,0,1,3,0,4,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,2,5,11,2,12,12,1,6,0,2,0,0,7,1,0,0,6,43,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962834680759112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970599337629307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22540770222983345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4771022314989636,0.1685233758251901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340645175207422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23289739304313406,0.24209624050760295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811539040085867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252530387522776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964167718766442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23049268184872734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984850075469595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15112032425253416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466085855060492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35472724016999113,0.0,0.2061825549306542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015716408100536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190859241704655 bpd,kaitlynv123,2020/01/16,"DAE always want people to be obsessed with them? It’s like I want people to be obsessed with me. Like, as obsessed with me as I am about them. All I can think about is how I appear to other people. My self worth is completely based on how other people see me. Yes, I want them to like me, but that’s not enough. I want them to want to be me. I want them to think I’m cool. I want them to analyze me like I’m a book character. I know it sounds weird, and I know it’s unhealthy, but I just feel like I can’t control it. I think we spend so much time obsessing over other people and their best attributes to try and build our own personality that it gets exhausting; I even think that’s what part of us thinks love is. If people are obsessed with me, then they love me. If people love me, I’ll be okay. Do you guys ever feel like this?",1.0937921348314603,2.713735387640451,2.8026825842696645,94.78357443820228,79.95505617977528,5.798314606741574,18.42837078651685,6.6274283507984215,-0.2077651685393258,641,13,152,6,16,212,87,178,0.09699999999999999,0.624,0.27899999999999997,0.9871,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,3,1,8,2,8,19,0,5,1,3,12,4,0,4,2,37,36,13,0,9,6,0,2,6,0,0,1,1,0,3,13,8,0,1,9,1,2,1,2,7,0,0,0,5,36,12,20,32,6,6,0,0,1,3,18,2,0,3,9,103,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012936604202199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136732006620905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356950438558087,0.0,0.12148799960449873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119215893846432,0.0,0.07154310702121383,0.09797995502169188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095378079564126,0.15476499549632575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056591755208616125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725198404211456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905762917363732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175126182962645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29328403932740954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962629294389867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729798537886107,0.0,0.5256590971199736,0.09457921802042944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631553011319998,0.0,0.1129994387859005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34702943813520915,0.0,0.0,0.06316117596628869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735409039141622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029338032131346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4472218998090549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dead_not_sleeping-,2020/01/16,"Getting diagnosed So, I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist for about 6 months. I mentioned in our first session that I thought I probably had BPD. It had been mentioned by my doctors prior to her, and I just knew I fit nearly all of the criteria. It’s been truly damning to my life. She kind of brushed me off and said, “I like to see someone a few times before I diagnose that.” And I’ve now seen her probably six times and she’s never mentioned it again. She’s diagnosed me as bipolar, having depressive disorder, and panic disorder. But I do think we should now focus on the BPD. I realize not much can be done for BPD in regards to medication, but I need her referral for a therapist. Should I bring it up again? Has anyone else had a hard time being diagnosed even though you KNOW you have BPD?",3.831666666666667,5.307346726114652,5.2959394904458605,80.39618099787687,72.18471337579618,9.05498938428875,30.28078556263269,9.516144504307137,2.8715779193205937,624,27,121,15,12,210,98,157,0.079,0.883,0.038,-0.594,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,2,0,1,9,5,1,1,6,0,16,8,0,0,2,20,27,10,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,2,8,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,11,6,25,2,18,12,3,19,0,1,3,0,14,7,1,0,12,93,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957332599266617,0.11660406870775113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968375114174442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5733208575397811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801789194514128,0.4620284050533632,0.0,0.0,0.2608549568287535,0.11648163991846963,0.0,0.11645942783555024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506735242370618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516545145945122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968003142447043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05945708826815513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194465097847252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118507749578983,0.06254285576299358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038204295745878,0.05559813351698212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464400571113828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083603774378902,0.0,0.08365790229652666,0.08438308202120569,0.08777147276472512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352266656878242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24539659933464966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082521998545624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813716529531416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642445496014664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321334272537772,0.0,0.07292002115428987,0.1118103390332941,0.09034644129293366,0.19907738860746696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jameshayes246,2020/01/16,i fell like i’m not enough whenever i get on here and see everyone’s past trauma i get really upset. as i child i didn’t go through any thing like that and I feel like i’m being a bitch. everyone one has had much harder life’s than me so why should i even try to get help. i don’t have a reason to have it and i feel like i don’t even fit into a community of people like me,-1.721316614420065,0.12536336781609414,1.7359247648902816,96.7038244514107,93.48275862068964,5.462486938349008,13.656217345872516,6.980632752743323,-0.5140942528735635,291,5,75,5,11,105,55,87,0.113,0.677,0.21,0.7357,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,1,1,3,0,9,1,0,1,0,9,18,5,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,2,3,12,5,8,14,2,6,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,6,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336310200820673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20304353368919187,0.0,0.2595811110360172,0.0,0.0,0.3755403747231923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19871897568933,0.2807682749122713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30799928820903005,0.0,0.11167905676862884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171402834340093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879820857257938,0.4800152526740512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444547382036938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331577521054511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875874951237176,0.13623272351643895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588696534473556,0.20204120084020608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565900765240982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305500517056023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133414876285501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773163679575946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,elletrennt,2020/01/16,"I felt like I had a grip on things but I made a mistake and I’ve been spiralling ever since... I feel broken and I just want to disappear I don’t know how to love myself and to care for myself enough so that I don’t keep spiralling further. In a cycle of alcohol, sex and drugs... have fallen for someone who is moving countries and they’ve become my FP and I feel like a wreck because I just got out of a relationship that I ended because of that new person. I’m a fucking wreck. I shouldn’t be with anyone but I fall so hard and I’m not coping. Want to disappear and never talk to anyone again... don’t know how to cope healthily or regain a sense of control or identity. Can anyone help me? I do want to have other people’s backs and support them but I don’t know how to have my own back...",1.868035714285714,3.32804211309524,3.769761904761906,89.40857142857145,77.27380952380952,5.990476190476191,22.119047619047624,6.5431188927421005,0.4309833333333328,617,17,133,5,14,209,92,168,0.162,0.6920000000000001,0.146,-0.1858,0,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,11,7,1,0,7,0,14,5,0,5,2,38,32,19,0,5,8,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,11,1,2,6,0,0,5,7,2,0,0,5,5,20,5,18,25,2,16,0,0,0,3,7,4,1,2,9,94,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16842595093711965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305917327847294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24236859580073086,0.0,0.19214240137682265,0.17405628077664104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16068320754483692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676125543096416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18276540121081405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395863910119267,0.1628424265265935,0.0,0.0,0.14255778276937184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15937409879629266,0.11258912398655152,0.15132024793432153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569821077367612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604672799402694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411782084623593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563563189293353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008168892408315,0.0,0.0,0.25983771322941873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539903233458732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422397140956175,0.14912447033976364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750334163997144,0.0,0.0,0.1215504605694646,0.15221059227370612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925965908228444,0.1376098163554823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920289760611956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303679462161708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353355642080325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178842060364113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667251924665007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470211395874733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788688291041785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,j_g04,2020/01/16,"DBT App suggestions: Please help if you are currently using one and can recommend for or against an app! Hello! So i'm currently in a bit of a bind (as i'm sure a lot of you are) in the area of not being able to afford therapy at the moment. Im in Australia so I have access to 10 free therapy sessions a year but have used mine already and they don't restart until the end of May, so I am wanting to do all I can to self-manage my coping skills, specifically with DBT. I intend to begin therapy again when I get 10 more free sessions but in the mean time I want to utilise an app that can keep me motivated to stay on top of my distress tolerance and emotional regulation etc. I just downloaded the free version of the DBT Coach app and it seems good and has good reviews, but the monthly subscription is $17.99 and 6 months is $91.99 (AUD). I'm happy to pay for a subscription for an app as staying on top of my mental health is super important, but I would like to hear from any of you first hand whether you have: A) used this app and recommend it or B) use a different app and recommend that particular one Thanks for taking the time to read this, and if you could recommend for or against any particular app I would be so very appreciative! Thanks in advance :) TL;DR: \-Looking for a good DBT app. \-Any recommendations for or against one would be amazing. \-Happy to pay for a subscription but want to find the most effective one.",4.3224216027874585,5.328972069686415,5.506848432055751,81.14013327526135,70.46341463414635,9.36369337979094,30.37787456445993,9.642632912329526,2.724145783972125,1132,46,231,26,20,377,146,287,0.023,0.672,0.305,0.9984,4,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,5,1,8,7,15,0,1,21,0,23,2,1,7,2,47,43,29,0,9,14,0,1,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,6,10,0,1,5,2,5,1,2,1,0,5,0,3,20,17,44,35,7,28,0,0,1,0,10,11,0,10,15,153,26,7,0.1047104810850007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555061966835635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21362015343958668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431672556798815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360279877698074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940016624398737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778519757517696,0.09274240652393244,0.0,0.11677986537541535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957034827213807,0.08906668171952753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05470690460118355,0.0,0.0,0.26347855073691784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22293250839693454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130234491051294,0.1180163223087587,0.0,0.07018522826906418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310528798056875,0.0,0.0,0.0930714867443369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511562519274337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793043210285433,0.0,0.0,0.08902110653622905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406041083096642,0.0,0.0,0.10552353676569168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715781401157292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838181276469868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149406642640063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047388172282725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532448932914832,0.10923586827903067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232148813275671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868838922497082,0.0,0.07872925039576277,0.0,0.0,0.19280668537251996,0.3592366821888372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211504716009387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617449438050346,0.0,0.08639711306383317,0.18528286409685132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22314996441694235,0.0,0.0,0.06743011675076474 bpd,avalonrose14,2020/01/16,I fucked up again Genuinely might kill myself at this point - I can't seem to get my shit together and I genuinely dont give a fuck about anything. I just don't have anything that matters to me and all I do is upset myself and hurt everyone.,2.8122000000000007,4.2932444200000015,4.3889999999999985,85.85950000000003,74.8,8.200000000000001,26.5,8.841846274778883,1.9628,191,7,40,4,4,64,37,50,0.33,0.6,0.07,-0.9497,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,4,1,1,0,7,3,1,0,1,8,12,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,9,0,5,11,1,4,0,1,0,2,1,3,3,2,1,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4130253358686644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29411466462511976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397960340990004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4640034061499675,0.1311124143394343,0.2407366717066705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26865002756516554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27764195176122525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662211291157983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23723139175672825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22845788904949102,0.0,0.0,0.2575993133071358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lilotree,2020/01/16,"Marilyn Monroe For the last year or so I have learned a lot more about Marilyn Monroe so much so that I don’t even want to call her Marilyn anymore, I only think of her as Norma Jeane. I think it’s because many think she may have struggled with BPD as well. Sometimes I want to cry thinking that she had to go through all of the things that come with BPD. I get this overwhelming feeling when I think about the fact that I can never meet her. Thinking about how she could have had to dying feeling alone just makes me so sad. I don’t want to consider myself obsessed but I’m pretty sure I’ve made up my own weird one sided friendship with her even though she died so many years before I was even born. Has anyone else ever struggled with this type of situation? Like where you just become so invested in a person’s life. Like a person that wouldn’t even know you ever existed. I know this probably makes no sense but my mind is always so all over the place...",3.0840463917525764,4.793475793814434,3.7975128865979393,89.43224871134024,74.56701030927834,6.7056701030927846,23.465206185567013,7.413659706084162,0.8744649484536082,760,22,157,9,16,241,114,194,0.11,0.765,0.125,0.2856,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,0,23,10,0,4,7,0,14,1,0,4,7,40,34,15,2,5,5,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,10,5,0,0,11,0,1,2,5,6,1,1,4,2,25,4,22,27,6,16,0,2,0,0,14,6,0,3,10,110,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360708166494728,0.0,0.0,0.09127192952945948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878427171614607,0.07669869122717972,0.11239167585470683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686678425400636,0.12114539728189665,0.09333919746046028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763046465507695,0.0,0.1120070578903087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448932228231488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757955890935992,0.0,0.12049071692114476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22768445471540136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163298653625884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28980021536218564,0.19844407972136327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092641086533113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057309164816947526,0.0,0.06234008047392895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056691417106255,0.08941303093761993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747819280008778,0.10717923430320206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325560098608507,0.0,0.10379253838559307,0.14643955813667087,0.2224194760113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075692015685533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063570972949198,0.0,0.08460067496433307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432964803041846,0.08342515892749343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915563839223551,0.11460403771670333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115954632887714,0.11826574901684335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232975910708725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848747760961347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22934627819967834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033827302941677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287401026374869,0.4217144464194765,0.10777112257832833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940962712785768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862563128662118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127517185141514 bpd,Kittyaug4,2020/01/16,"Does anyone feel that going to therapy made you feel worse? Okay listen, just hear me out... I got diagnosed with borderline almost 3 yrs ago. I went to therapy for a year and stopped. When I was going, I felt crazy. Like I felt like I had bpd every single moment of the day; I felt like that was all there is to me. When I was going I felt that I was becoming a stereotype of someone with Bpd. I did learn some things. The coping mechanisms and the methods I learnt to help me process my emotions better are super helpful and I still use them to this day. I feel like a got better after stopping therapy. I started to feel like me; I am aware I still have bpd because I do exhibit the symptoms and I see them but I feel like a normal person not a crazy emotional mess like I did when I was going to therapy. Therapy always reminded me of it and idk I feel like life has been easier since I stopped. Does anyone relate?",1.1042165898617498,3.4613496827957,3.1535330261136743,88.22887096774193,84.43010752688173,6.338556067588326,21.76036866359447,7.62386473244151,1.1002691244239629,715,24,144,13,21,241,97,186,0.091,0.7090000000000001,0.19899999999999998,0.9578,0,0,1,0,1,0,19.0,0,1,2,3,7,13,0,0,9,1,15,3,0,2,1,31,38,9,0,1,3,0,10,8,0,0,3,2,0,1,6,8,0,3,11,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,17,13,33,12,15,21,3,21,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,2,23,95,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363452244914237,0.0,0.08318032325053669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911899810264778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616576357566563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05063731157881431,0.09174177129858156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693329720066511,0.0,0.0,0.313862659184792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714361575988116,0.0,0.0,0.08431198802664333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538624447049964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868800105286477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699881374358546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25200921318288755,0.2373743852825805,0.3190321548154842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18883720005527624,0.0,0.13287368937179353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362335849348333,0.0,0.11135708448853916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05867318778899445,0.3246615396710847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860068589244919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138872941414416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253152971092743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619421864502732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871447702469131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038301024922074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058795760313015435,0.0,0.13267597823056734,0.20834500228710606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633916794929268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4749758906594755,0.0,0.055186502609508366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174383995049767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700460937995494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465310414546094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053492888698038615 bpd,thRoWawayBPD449,2020/01/16,"my FP left me. my boyfriend left me. the thing i’ve feared since i met him. we spent nearly every single day together for the past year and a half and a half, i’m getting help and i was going to get better for us. i had issues with jealousy but it never got crazy bad, he says it’s not me that it’s him wanting to find himself. well all i have been able to think about is dying, i feel so incredibly heartbroken that i truly don’t see the point in living anymore. he was my life, we had a future planned together and now he’s just gone. i want to hope if i give him space maybe he’ll come back eventually but i never even thought i would be in this position. i haven’t gone to work in 2 days and i can’t eat, can’t sleep without taking Benadryl to knock me out and even that doesn’t keep me asleep. every second i’m awake i think about him and replaying him telling me we’re broken up over and over again. like i figured he’d get tired of me and leave eventually but fuck i never thought the pain would be this bad.. i just want him back. i don’t know how to not text him every hour telling how much i fucking miss him and how much i need him. the night he broke up with me i also on his couch because i knew if i went home i’d just fucking kill myself, i haven’t been able to sleep in my own bed. i have to sleep on the couch with my mom in the same room because i’m afraid i’ll actually do something if i’m alone. i can’t keep feeling like this everyday.. and each day is getting worse.",1.2332142857142865,2.7117366512345704,2.8716225749559112,95.08444444444444,79.0925925925926,5.863139329805996,21.13932980599648,6.5431188927421005,0.08208853615520262,1161,31,279,10,28,383,160,324,0.135,0.757,0.10800000000000001,-0.9288,0,1,1,0,0,2,25.0,3,0,0,3,17,16,4,2,10,0,24,11,4,3,4,58,63,22,2,10,12,1,2,2,0,3,3,1,5,0,10,19,1,2,10,0,1,5,14,11,1,3,15,4,54,5,31,42,7,39,0,2,1,3,27,18,3,4,18,175,64,1,0.18966152570226008,0.0,0.0925411450407042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821607085207554,0.0,0.07583612679063774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404663496220264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583800615772893,0.1583594517941661,0.11561590569346107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387010340162276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816883053066562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834739906571217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841935999287173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970355449226055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526964898589266,0.0,0.2396970231580241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671097272894413,0.09589856608628394,0.06774711592892968,0.0,0.0,0.08667359924180998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630085365199454,0.19818063837727412,0.09097030879954368,0.05389450790408469,0.0,0.07584482400710042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356306139242307,0.0,0.0951229871674717,0.09418834478225817,0.09338919920585974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897867861090526,0.0,0.16857987846488076,0.10491618874835024,0.0,0.05211650722428002,0.0,0.0,0.10041208537812712,0.20606780261764016,0.0,0.06698177228059264,0.09265904128441713,0.0,0.08373730097766273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527024740481133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110646433228541,0.0,0.0,0.1394230441260029,0.0703158090578799,0.2194179913256433,0.0,0.0,0.0889922469237333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009066177395152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052669346588332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896457229056935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541322884733559,0.0,0.0,0.07556784021209505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844498698451864,0.0,0.2846977454818202,0.0,0.0,0.07300535425469197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130093182999693,0.0,0.16577253313391108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300134507854004,0.12152744747325235,0.0,0.15057006600959202,0.0,0.10899401172860974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406973150604595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678009227298218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526424451994534,0.08790906723175551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141347134482544,0.0,0.06903792478455717,0.0,0.09664064896402544,0.13473010620387302,0.0,0.0,0.06106790212743812 bpd,hoentownhero,2020/01/16,"DAE Split on the entire world? I feel myself Splitting but not on an individual person, just everyone and everything. I don't know why but lately I just see the worst in people, myself, the world. I'm not sure how to stop it so I've just been really quiet this week and not replying to messages as often. I keep conversations short in person because I'm scared if they go on for too long, I'll start being sarcastic and cynical",3.481428571428573,5.282000470588237,5.388067226890758,78.06058823529416,73.70588235294117,8.621848739495798,23.907563025210084,9.23628265651192,2.0402268907563035,340,10,64,8,7,117,61,85,0.228,0.772,0.0,-0.9668,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,7,4,1,1,4,0,3,0,0,1,1,19,11,9,0,1,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,3,7,1,9,9,1,14,0,0,1,0,5,8,0,2,5,42,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769716514676982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24719273888014495,0.2324970499042102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080321364729364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470214857112868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22993868166533976,0.0,0.0,0.14217118998160358,0.0,0.2918175519081025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22893561945226346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17934551019155898,0.4517623966418238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572568941921167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589973371574424,0.0,0.20614523765107606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831046008352996,0.0,0.0,0.21627936139563927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438155756166264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075083329348506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23343065935866464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,elzbthz,2020/01/16,"does formal diagnosis matter? & how do i/should I go about bringing it up to my therapist again? hi sorry if i do anything wrong and i apologize if the format is off i am on my phone. (and I apologize in advance if this is all over the place :/ ) so I've known my psychologist for over four years now since I was a freshman in highschool, now a freshman in college, after my parents forced me to go and she is the only one I've ever seen. and we are actually pretty close now. originally when I started with her i was dealing with depression and extreme social anxiety at the time, i was basically a walking anxiety attack all day every day lol. but over the past year and a half to two years I've been feeling that this is not me being ""just"" depressed and anxious, at least not anymore. at first I was looking into bipolar disorder because i was having constant mood swings, being impulsive (cut off 20+ inches of hair, stole parents alcohol, binge spending and binge eating) , along with how horribly unstable I was while I was friends with the girl who was my best friend and the only actual real friend I've ever had (she ended our friendship because of how I was as embarrassing as that is.) on top of my regularly scheduled normal depressed and hopeless self. we talked about the mood swings but I realized they were happening way too fast for it to be bipolar disorder and it just didnt make sense. then I started reading about bpd and i'd never read something that I related to us much as that. it felt like.. wow this is..a thing? other people do this stuff? it's not just me? I have brought it up to my therapist saying that I really relate to 8/9 of the traits but i dont think she really believes me or something, i dont know. im also horrible at explaining things and end up completely fucking up my words because I get embarrassed and feel stupid when I talk about it. and now sometimes I dont even believe myself anymore. apart from the dissociating which I only did/do when very anxious or especially during anxiety attacks, everything else is spot on. i'm on Vyvanse (which isnt helping) for binge eating from my psychiatrist, but thinking about it I feel like my binge eating is tied into all of this and isn't a separate thing like I had thought, if that makes sense. my therapist told me in the past that a formal diagnosis isnt really that important as long as I can learn to cope and know what im doing wrong and stop it, and she has recommended DBT for me too. does the formal diagnoses even matter? I just feel that without being told whats wrong I feel like theres nothing/no one i can identify with, nothing that I can relate to, and that i'm just going crazy and my brain is just warped and that I'm a horrible person and that's that. it just feels like I'm being even more annoying every time I bring it up since I guess I am very close with her? I go over to her house and help her out with stuff and we talk and whatever. (though i feel like she just does this since she feels bad for me since I have 0 friends and pretty much the only living things I interact with on a daily basis are my parents, brother, and cats lol) i would go to another doctor but i don't want her to feel like i betrayed her or do something that would make her feel like I dont respect her, because I definitely do. she's sort of the only person outside of my family that knows me on a more personal level and I'm so terrified of destroying that, shes done a lot for me even though it probably sounds stupid. but I dont know how to seriously bring this up with her again without seeming like a hypochondriac or something, or if I should even bring it up and if any of this matters at all. sorry if nothing I said makes sense I'm not good at explaining and am probably just being stupid, sorry!!!!!:(",3.6213753345227455,5.13543683289474,5.037676181980377,81.88805530776095,72.77631578947368,8.205173951828725,28.01293487957181,8.793226273369791,2.1880916592328274,3003,115,588,58,59,1005,293,760,0.16899999999999998,0.727,0.10300000000000001,-0.9957,3,0,5,0,0,1,80.0,5,0,1,4,42,39,9,2,25,2,60,11,2,9,7,136,113,68,0,12,33,4,12,9,4,3,5,3,0,5,50,49,4,1,24,2,1,12,17,20,0,6,22,17,94,17,85,82,11,87,0,4,2,1,55,39,1,16,44,423,144,6,0.0,0.0,0.0953728142448174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05222315587315101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03907831932633106,0.0,0.052946557199443016,0.0,0.03323072302176318,0.051240519729621486,0.1121476334695046,0.11040989766760057,0.09692437069646234,0.0,0.0,0.04021275684061728,0.0,0.0,0.1111848189271859,0.0,0.0,0.04080127432298624,0.11915364017377066,0.0,0.0,0.11011105102428473,0.051282110441404835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061545326279614475,0.05455089165065468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05123532928389933,0.0528070519484142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302937222140613,0.05037895398726856,0.12626527840393734,0.049598211133433316,0.0,0.0,0.11200990313572473,0.050016673491557716,0.1282895437158845,0.050007135726638514,0.2863543822791175,0.0,0.0,0.1500071076002627,0.04082147821074249,0.0,0.08656197949338551,0.0,0.0,0.16137847329949814,0.08840463442922954,0.0823438397937505,0.0,0.043917831052901625,0.0,0.04606674780913679,0.0,0.2470824227879552,0.2094603357329309,0.046919259476755036,0.0,0.0,0.04156560394278805,0.0,0.0,0.15101576197916222,0.04517605707040706,0.025530596691019813,0.0,0.1388590688199085,0.0409866887591682,0.0,0.0,0.05383167927407859,0.0,0.04321226001538405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550802936731588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05638508705560925,0.0,0.0,0.10556786248846108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742244350669466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148622154980659,0.0,0.04314979054988048,0.04324509003980191,0.041035339419231334,0.0,0.0,0.04154433493419772,0.0,0.0,0.13047439481417408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184462696580801,0.0,0.037688661476771614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0478785458609866,0.09377696206591662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622606600921481,0.18582491066352194,0.0,0.0,0.16278054998720787,0.0,0.09329672240733186,0.033877702189918,0.12800436362489692,0.05105482649159673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942907996909392,0.10537215644843954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775893993796213,0.05562048620904377,0.09391490557025067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04648299026918128,0.03886040022141113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04448599513318573,0.05097815198202536,0.0,0.0,0.16169065487185988,0.0,0.0,0.049812983995666055,0.0,0.15047849445016648,0.04832996686871993,0.1641052852065919,0.06917556096136993,0.0,0.0,0.04085436979917196,0.0,0.0,0.11188032120367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783051270879752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702124341543911,0.12985825015902605,0.06262303469670306,0.09602167731022647,0.038794340965973416,0.05698860210931715,0.0,0.0,0.0933875844714161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04773522186595292,0.0,0.05878007727858306,0.0,0.0,0.08063954138810638,0.0288225780121571,0.038787751592883904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421063482853173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942635833236455,0.160282706773229,0.0,0.09440478097648992 bpd,yuzont19,2020/01/16,"DAE feel like they can’t ever get a date? I’ve had this problem for a while now. I think it’s going great and then the guy seems to back off and we’ll set a date for like next week or the next day but then they cancel on them or just ghost? It’s always them saying we’re going too fast which I know can be a symptom of BPD. Feeling too much for someone so fast and wanting them to be with them when they give us even an ounce of attention. Especially when they seem to genuinely wanna get to know you. I’ve tried so many time to set boundaries and tell them I want to take it slow but then they don’t respect it and i end up falling super fast anyways and so then they say we’re going too fast and leave. I just don’t know what I can do besides try and set boundaries and stick to it but if they’re not even following the boundaries I set then I don’t either. I hope others feel this way but also I just need opinions and maybe fixes on this? I’ve finally gotten rid of all my dating apps and am gonna focus on meeting people in person instead which I think will help!",1.2380519480519503,2.9416274372294424,2.7476190476190467,94.95571428571432,79.82251082251082,5.265800865800866,19.658008658008658,5.916634753146586,-0.2261030303030305,842,20,193,5,21,275,125,231,0.047,0.833,0.12,0.9536,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,1,11,1,19,7,0,0,8,0,13,1,0,0,2,44,37,30,1,7,12,0,3,2,0,3,1,2,0,2,12,12,0,0,11,0,0,5,5,1,0,0,2,5,26,6,21,30,3,42,0,0,0,0,22,6,0,7,28,126,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115984073397878,0.11611711494395187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730564643513653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575884813921988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999846560438023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236002368342917,0.0,0.0,0.18434345089161056,0.1262313294664975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116826312400733,0.09969483621447142,0.0,0.15287064597264588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581865229974145,0.1338694631025259,0.23792913091653206,0.0,0.0,0.1538548126238791,0.0,0.13817683964601105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935376939360159,0.0,0.0,0.13860503842303928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300797567786736,0.0,0.0,0.14776372792352552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363545564704286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414822059472386,0.14019713726409688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025856035203511,0.1034748560317664,0.0,0.0,0.29682687478426945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674667882093503,0.12185002971247914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353088955037828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22195216416966532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25408289257946376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182406041110864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504630223436552,0.10492453624428467,0.0,0.1219732036783725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883652765556318,0.0,0.0,0.08137296257307812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18949112742902227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786195314135569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462088733771096,0.1107686148401092,0.11193891621637332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,goshdarnitdeana,2020/01/16,"Adult separation anxiety? Right now, my bf has a shorter work schedule than I do. I work until Friday, but he works until today (Wednesdays). That means that, every Wednesday now, he’ll leave to visit his parents’ house in the city over, which is also important to him because he has access to his desktop as opposed to his laptop (he’s an avid gamer). He likes to unwind from the week and do his own thing through gaming with his brother and friends virtually. But, that leaves me alone until Friday (tonight and tomorrow night). When he’s getting ready to leave, I get really anxious and almost mad and betrayed-feeling because he’s leaving. It shouldn’t be like that, but I can’t help it yet. Is this some sort of separation anxiety? And, if so, are there any tips on how to combat it? I don’t want him to feel bad for having some space, but I just get so stressed about it.",5.303508021390375,6.011653094117648,5.707860962566844,81.66628342245991,68.05882352941177,8.064171122994653,30.74866310160428,8.00094639256281,2.0834117647058825,686,26,131,8,11,220,112,170,0.147,0.7240000000000001,0.129,-0.3642,1,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,3,11,6,1,1,4,0,12,0,0,1,0,23,19,20,0,3,6,2,1,2,2,2,0,0,0,1,11,7,0,1,2,2,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,1,15,3,22,16,3,21,0,0,0,0,22,5,0,5,17,88,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561175213288585,0.1506057073911779,0.0,0.11628803129696465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888693847106576,0.0,0.22248359594446399,0.1642771472366445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141514648585396,0.17728682395430453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251810190562412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470520176374904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123469865011244,0.0,0.2279194354989857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746836481956912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778896537105428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6158924101849921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208449124223033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839916758157466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646178455321498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614657438171422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315633891523813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241833039974886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665719734090584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660702225035828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783607135891054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576931945173323,0.0,0.1166428491464408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175907590924804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,weakmindsthinkalike,2020/01/16,"What were the specifics of you realizing you had BPD and/or what specifically prompted you to speak to someone which eventually led to the diagnosis? I’m just wondering what things happened in your life to make you realize something was off and that led to your eventual diagnosis. All sorts of unpleasant/stressful things happen in my life, lately of which have been social things, and I’m almost always the primary cause in some way or another. That’s vague for the moment, but I’d like to hear what you guys have to say. Thanks.",4.680770975056689,7.281343040816331,5.032176870748302,78.37869614512475,72.6734693877551,8.845351473922905,28.23582766439909,9.444778638647367,2.831540589569161,430,17,76,11,9,136,65,98,0.012,0.9159999999999999,0.07200000000000001,0.7845,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,7,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,6,2,0,4,1,16,14,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,11,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,8,2,15,10,2,9,0,0,0,0,12,4,0,5,3,51,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975732197241312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417419968559846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068922946951323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24849970002137065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20268736778276145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19536372458891102,0.34895366716498194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22237793333923767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225694933891594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787257892238456,0.09639362893584946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317031281322961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569054610882723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20112837689500496,0.1671765317253122,0.15189561495151155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260130835607012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816526366368033,0.0,0.0,0.3932435429362577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15661212992102885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139696822147633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,monkey_7k,2020/01/16,"Had a mental breakdown on the side of the road I had an awful day. I broke my phone, I lost £130 embarrassing myself with a prostitute, then on the drive home I completely lost control of my car on the dual carriageway and nearly crashed it. I pulled over and the emotions were too much for me and I broke down crying begging for it to stop. I told my friend and he wasn’t supportive at all. I have no one But my dog is being a lot more friendly than normal since I got home so that’s one good thing",1.9873333333333316,3.614587161904765,3.457142857142859,91.0561904761905,77.38095238095238,6.571428571428571,22.142857142857146,7.3871296695380915,0.6464285714285709,392,11,87,5,9,129,75,105,0.207,0.685,0.107,-0.8498,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,2,9,0,1,9,1,7,0,0,1,1,11,12,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,4,5,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,5,0,2,8,0,15,4,14,3,4,15,0,4,0,0,5,9,0,1,3,64,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20227534278870832,0.0,0.21637874443198174,0.0,0.0,0.21191606848541453,0.12441891220408792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21701160127703195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981025539191013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181405749528696,0.15429757316788886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38703355870526013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4211949221188296,0.16401562568632724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19442028503898026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182007562116408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18902287565270612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614582630929085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958730575687954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129166672772932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21892592004320316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816899213875674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18434550851126585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dannyih,2020/01/16,"I made my FP upset and it's the worst feeling I was shopping for one of my friends online and I was super excited but I wanted to make sure the friend would like what I wanted to get them, so i asked my FP for her opinion of it because I ask her everything. She is also friends with the person I was buying for so she knows what she likes. She kept giving me ""idk yeah"" answers and I was wanting her to just tell me if she thought it was a good gift or if she would buy it for her and she kept giving the ambiguous answers. I asked her like 5 times over the course of a few hours, showing her different options, because I really wanted to be sure and I was excited about it and the last time she blew up on me and said she was getting really frustrated and didn't want to be a bitch so don't make her be one. She never says stuff like that to me. It was the worst feeling and I immediately just went super low and I don't want to do anything because I feel bad for making her upset. I know I'm probably overreacting but I've been so low all day and I don't want to do anything and I feel like she hates me.",1.077578304048895,2.8095787899159674,3.15598166539343,91.70412528647823,80.42857142857143,6.176012223071048,22.162719633307876,7.1686216300943375,0.5928336134453778,864,27,197,11,22,293,108,238,0.153,0.616,0.231,0.9693,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,8,25,3,2,10,1,21,0,0,4,4,51,52,22,0,11,7,0,4,5,3,2,0,2,0,1,10,13,0,2,9,2,3,1,5,10,0,2,16,6,46,15,21,31,4,12,0,2,0,0,32,5,1,6,11,139,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789092444786517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18088476854927707,0.0,0.3082387910864454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176601708359318,0.2009910565513608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087958089557997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482724884865432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877545497162213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22228491836924175,0.07851609647877493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547368046149061,0.0,0.11484156860182004,0.21086162693337152,0.0,0.09218303210580862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850835435909027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823420708587883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080173903346825,0.08958717823857358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684699608744299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399469225767903,0.22008716165410935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847654493719267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894883568273756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596473651117607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849609196317425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081581146610453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045447464550168,0.08740080327795707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581483835064747,0.0,0.0,0.20716817198861245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606174393259308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725222961540333,0.12817288483040049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4537733835770687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188296150301784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614660302877362,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AnalQueenLiv,2020/01/17,"Splitting hard on my fp I just want to feel normal about people, instead i get intense idealization sometimes and other times i just want to hurt them as much as they made me suffer. I cant do this anymore, i just want to feel okay. I want to stop existing,but i don't gave the guts of killing myself",2.7743548387096766,4.289329661290323,3.9008387096774193,89.18125806451616,74.96774193548387,6.250322580645161,25.30322580645161,6.742157984588678,0.8589251612903226,237,8,50,2,5,77,45,62,0.225,0.605,0.16899999999999998,-0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,2,1,5,5,1,0,1,1,3,1,1,1,0,14,12,3,1,6,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,3,12,2,9,10,1,3,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,33,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24862174242290136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535175086893004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097761458356072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22457317695231796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683738221553752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773565015427525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23721335204831775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842894228934571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24562754261076164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380011419664498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479434323442208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095919639626904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618207425906973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5914648309820021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Prfctly_Imprfcttt,2020/01/17,"Parents Guilt Tripping So Im 20 years old and at the moment i live at home with the parents until i can find an apartment, but that besides the point. so i have a mom who is always complaining and guilt tripping me. and its not like im a lazy fuck, i continuously clean, i cook, i buy supplies for the house i even offer to pay rent which they decline. but No mater what i do its not enough, I dont cook enough, clean enough, and I always have to hear the fcking rants about how she is always doing everything and how she gets treated like a slave and how she wish she had someone would clean after her and im like im trying but i already feel bad about myself and that just brings me down even more and those are usually the moments i start having stronger urges to self harm or my suicidal thoughts worsen. I wanna try to talk about it with her but she could care less cause she's always right. Wtf do i do.",1.4304003359462527,3.5711914521276604,2.5168197088465867,94.64184210526315,81.28723404255321,5.0217245240761486,20.00111982082867,6.05967700443912,-0.10857872340425567,715,19,156,5,19,227,111,188,0.23600000000000002,0.652,0.11199999999999999,-0.9805,3,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,11,11,1,2,10,0,15,3,0,4,0,30,24,20,1,4,8,3,1,3,0,1,0,1,5,1,9,11,2,0,3,2,3,3,4,6,0,0,2,2,27,5,16,20,5,18,0,0,0,1,18,6,1,1,12,107,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267593356307967,0.0,0.3823164295366233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590971052532317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711525010175095,0.11800074389167152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171249154925458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462405950676587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560670427465114,0.0,0.1517380318727324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323565950024367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05808054782283543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498697386594646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619331450285696,0.06001361915294385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294642179538648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152216436742216,0.0,0.0,0.13254187441890727,0.0,0.0,0.49630720118667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683556313145144,0.0,0.10143026142043464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453163256132994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205343019971396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550939186333293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858708130530594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809636674832008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198320366419902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732700819302977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130393152321339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564659257539412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232628598387084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119210303613072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597522230573327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265105155324152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320921572558916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159870054270763,0.0,0.0,0.07397101655850928 bpd,littletittygothbitch,2020/01/17,"Am I bad person Been getting really close to killing myself, my family wants me to move back in with them to recover but I have to get rid of my cat in order to do so. Am I a bad person if I get rid of her? It’s tearing me apart. Not even because I’m sad of getting rid of her (honestly), I’m just scared that I’m being a bad person. And I know that’s selfish but it’s honest. I haven’t been able to take care of her as well as I would like because I’ve been too depressed. I wish I could keep her and take care of her but I know that isn’t possible right now. And I’m terrified of people thinking poorly of me for getting rid of her. And I feel like I have no connection with her anymore because I’m so depressed and she doesn’t deserve that",0.9621298701298712,2.2860563515151533,3.380974025974026,91.8143181818182,79.42424242424242,6.411255411255411,23.300865800865804,7.1686216300943375,0.7147229437229439,578,19,136,7,14,201,81,165,0.23,0.635,0.135,-0.9647,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,1,0,8,16,1,1,2,0,14,0,0,0,0,23,35,13,1,5,6,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,8,0,1,4,0,1,1,5,9,1,0,3,1,27,7,22,29,0,9,0,3,0,0,12,5,0,1,4,90,33,0,0.1405962990800404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943374933485164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810987550093558,0.35217611106149355,0.2571185968545738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28669459432847744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122547043904334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24219077275972725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286252954708972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254167802248004,0.0,0.07108971326098285,0.10044202415524976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672788168553753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496845063206614,0.1555489738573293,0.0,0.15453609812703606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373764998742545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943161551818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747177105710507,0.3682897959138881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850120223062433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006958936466634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200684712092277,0.0,0.0,0.1407614226018034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114218389657584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900884314207522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829273399219089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641295780968273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167880530310674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987557696157247,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,unforsakn,2020/01/17,"Encouraging therapy Hi everyone, I'm making this post for advice on how to get someone with signs of bpd to seek medical help. I will go into some detail and I apologize for any ignorance related to bpd. My mother has been causing a complete havoc in our home since I can remember and things are only getting worse. Through a lot of lying and manipulation I always reasoned with her or blamed myself for irrational things. My dad has been the most affected by it all where she has turned him into a child and for reasons I never knew, let's her. He had an accident in the past which has troubled his abilities to retain some memory, he also relies on sleeping pills because of it. She holds onto this and has completely debilitated him through ongoing emotional abuse to the point where he believes he's dependent on her. Since my dad has been the one on medication, going on psychiatric visits to follow up with his accident, she always blamed her behavior on his condition and his inability to do x. Now I realize my dad never really did anything wrong and despite his issues was the most sane in our household. I recently connected with my aunts (her sisters) on the matter and put together the puzzle pieces. I was told countless stories from her childhood until now of her lying, manipulating, being violent, and changing herself drastically for the guise of others, exhibiting grandiose personality traits. To my surprise they've always suspected something aswell. I sadly feel little empathy for my mom because of all that's she has put me and my family through. At the same time I feel for her alot but my pride does not allow me to physically or verbally express that I still love her. (She makes up that she has no family, no one loves her or has ever helped her) As I become more conscious of the condition I am becoming more understanding and confirming to acts that she will appreciate. I feel the most for my dad who has had to endure and believe all that comes out of her mouth through al these years and especially now when I'm mostly away for college. He has less agency for things and it will take me to intervene to save him hopefully by finding him somewhere else to live. I've finally gotten the vocabulary/ will to step in and question her behavior seriously. In the past she used to deny having any problems and actually took offence to me mentioning that she needs to seek medical help. (Though this was perhaps bc I always brought it up during arguments) During another one of our arguments she admitted that she has a problem but deflected the issue and said I'm the one with the bigger problem. She says that if she's going, everyone around her also has to because the problem stems deep. (Not sure she means she is aware of the severity of her issues/ what has created trauma) In my reasoning shes the originator of the problems in our home and needs help asap. She also invented that her going to therapy would mean she would have to leave her job, and be on medication which she despises. She became almost hysterical accusing me of wanting to send her away to a nursing home of some sorts. She is only in her 40s and this thinking has been even more confusing when I heard it as a child. Going to therapy for her would be an embarrassment and would really hurt her ego. Knowing her she'll be most upset about family/ friends finding out aswell and them thinking that shes ""crazy"". I know there are no simple answers to this but I am looking for the best way to help her with it all for my family and mostly for her to lead a better her life. How does someone with this condition react to this? Does it feel accusatory, are they usually conscious but wont express it? Is there anything that I can do to help her understand + attend sessions?",7.764211212516298,7.683328067796607,8.273333333333337,68.08088005215124,62.8135593220339,11.894306823120385,37.08039982616253,11.412708373909748,4.4822157322903085,3024,134,514,82,39,1007,320,708,0.132,0.7759999999999999,0.09300000000000001,-0.9642,1,0,1,0,1,0,58.0,4,0,2,4,20,28,2,3,31,0,56,10,2,17,8,129,100,42,0,14,10,8,4,0,1,10,6,3,3,3,35,36,0,3,26,0,0,17,8,17,0,4,17,8,102,11,103,68,22,72,0,2,1,2,105,34,0,22,19,405,137,4,0.0,0.06919960693263949,0.056994222757150034,0.0,0.0,0.05707205696222701,0.0,0.0,0.0584835221745519,0.0,0.0,0.14011781791042094,0.1943883986141124,0.0,0.0,0.07943392444819015,0.06124205558547593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096123610871755,0.0519922558441155,0.0,0.0,0.10974562277383752,0.0,0.0,0.10680825292032654,0.12900603667799873,0.0,0.13160340962556888,0.06129176430615861,0.051653903286314036,0.0,0.0,0.14711647395190244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05999735786447213,0.06178406042077875,0.05031017789172384,0.12247170405380678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533301264066156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04878934192812984,0.06569703514383819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038575523762276714,0.05283008022066121,0.0,0.11161572266187553,0.0,0.0,0.2202337013641448,0.0,0.11812398118067095,0.0,0.0,0.06397911298448808,0.1067610395393067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045123057583198185,0.0,0.0610277268822446,0.0,0.165962696242915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348832367612941,0.0,0.1757529815812343,0.058008699819805276,0.0,0.0,0.06252306691077117,0.0,0.0,0.18287690911357354,0.057957307557126976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419500905805156,0.0,0.0,0.06184177599092518,0.0,0.05972240707654899,0.041252721136632094,0.0,0.05853650421564492,0.05157211295477515,0.0,0.04904494628356887,0.0,0.0,0.049653291627933305,0.1054244161245452,0.0,0.07797071713805982,0.0,0.0,0.12723892260060787,0.0,0.2353449613163483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840247134614441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661217414224334,0.09009007376513126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830520209962326,0.08883828320299182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150712541093777,0.0,0.05099642752561465,0.0,0.0,0.055210990724888095,0.0,0.055935224893671344,0.0,0.0,0.2794253865778633,0.0,0.11742501057704635,0.06542624085794345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483064701642259,0.18014820368548812,0.057667251782271924,0.0,0.06616074572380604,0.0,0.05555591334485796,0.0464454849988127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598029377751445,0.0,0.09662536724417796,0.0,0.05844653106216415,0.0,0.0989716360736902,0.04496252365395309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04664179106101085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504541070250822,0.0,0.04391280429611908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003713999770859,0.0,0.11640376917187532,0.07484630117070452,0.0573819794400333,0.0,0.034056047406753664,0.0,0.0,0.055807861330937764,0.06488938419960742,0.0,0.06352716389372995,0.0,0.12160198063055315,0.0,0.05044260818745209,0.06432414257477319,0.0,0.03444840009530248,0.046358656227950316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059519024451540274,0.16595510422311038,0.06385599059359333,0.0,0.03761048791466909 bpd,donnydorfy,2020/01/17,"girlfriend told me she’s not in love with me anymore backstory: my girlfriend and i have been together almost a year (valentine’s day is our anniversary). she’s the greatest and most patient and caring person i’ve ever met. but somewhere along the way she began caring about me to this point where she was effectively taking care of me. and of course, whenever my bpd would act up it would cause me to lash out, often at her. i’ve been trying to get help, but my parents are mad religious and have me on some weird Christian health insurance plan that doesn’t cover mental health at all, so for the longest time the best help i could get was from my university psychiatrist who diagnosed me. i finally just managed to find a sliding scale place and i’m starting dbt next session. anyway this lashing out has significantly pushed her away, especially since the new year when a lot of shit went down and since then i’ve become pretty depressed. then just yesterday she told me that she’s tired of everything being so serious and that she doesn’t want to be my caretaker, which to be clear is absolutely fair. but then she told me she doesn’t think she’s in love with me anymore, and that she got so caught up taking care of me that she didn’t stop to ask herself if she even still likes me. so her and i got into it today, and i said some things that i probably shouldn’t have (due to my distorted perception of things). and now she just left to go shopping without saying anything and i just don’t know what to do. the weird thing is i don’t feel much other than just completely empty. i know that i’m probably totally in the wrong in this situation (as i usually am lol), but i don’t know how to express that because she’s tired of hearing that and it’s not okay that i’m wrong so often and get mad at her due to my false perceptions of what’s actually happening. just sucks and could use some perspective/advice/support/anything. i guess i’m just lost on what the point of being in a relationship is if the other person isn’t in love with you. is it possible to make them fall in love again? or is it over?",5.139170405559955,5.73728012826604,5.822702560042227,81.088803554148,68.38242280285036,9.277417084542977,29.36931468285388,9.348350401419415,2.3721527403888443,1678,58,337,32,27,547,204,421,0.159,0.732,0.109,-0.9727,1,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,1,1,1,4,25,22,4,0,13,2,34,10,1,5,4,73,77,34,0,8,17,1,1,1,2,3,5,3,0,2,28,23,0,1,9,1,1,7,12,11,0,0,16,4,54,11,52,52,10,56,1,2,0,4,45,25,2,12,24,242,82,2,0.0,0.0,0.0817808470584826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391783852861452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662225697947839,0.0,0.0,0.1379274940358039,0.0,0.0783456494801499,0.0,0.07873683995698658,0.0,0.0,0.051086285440308916,0.0925551963410262,0.0,0.0,0.0879473771231961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554850363789214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.341776022253467,0.08609003702593516,0.0,0.0,0.08786714875377091,0.0,0.0,0.13382172913188484,0.0,0.0,0.05404680034500595,0.0,0.0721804671048962,0.08505953716885425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05535190860389168,0.07580573085490927,0.0,0.0,0.07531784508860284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042373940601127084,0.0,0.0,0.09180344604779084,0.07659555498783717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135276586935052,0.0,0.0476278795367993,0.0,0.13405180905366956,0.0,0.09231981596587806,0.0,0.07410781060309418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815997155898322,0.0944534665596173,0.0,0.11234442798424953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816985205844762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105354943543376,0.0,0.0,0.04094251740959914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148222508466347,0.07124736599842177,0.3025463857292325,0.0,0.055939979394735516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445496060345453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061605757326006115,0.0,0.0,0.08093865495813465,0.08912675749950064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093054688368724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634925570515242,0.08755759154152308,0.0,0.15844418504164734,0.09447668615388717,0.0,0.08525903787682318,0.18071028476965825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997438839625402,0.0,0.0,0.07971702100069715,0.06664449345031973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602384566813877,0.13864746281805373,0.09419947440005208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059317070760276425,0.0,0.06692617245693913,0.07006409519677835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510005578181684,0.0,0.0,0.12602071432229384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670274351180935,0.05369837163159333,0.0,0.0,0.04886692492071495,0.192641286198636,0.07943661833805586,0.2402356213337708,0.0,0.05689757632272344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237995406984406,0.09229852801906342,0.0,0.049429910670198994,0.06651990309560203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768736791804186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078429455187625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906425195825747,0.1832535561631964,0.0,0.10793436285815804 bpd,GiraffeNinja6,2020/01/17,"How can I tell if someone is/was a crush I never got over or a fp? I had a crush on an older guy at work for about 2 months before bringing it to his attention on a Monday at 3pm when I started my 2nd shift job. By 11pm that night we were making out out of sight of the cameras. By Thursday, I'd already sexually satisfied him in a quiet place at work and then by the following Monday he hated my guts. Did I get strung along? I dont really believe I was forced to do anything since I'd had fantasies about him and was glad to do as he requested, but his immediate distaste of me is enough to make me think he just wanted a quickie and not to ever talk to me again. 2 months later, aka earlier today, I saw him sitting really close to another coworker. I took a picture of it and sent it to him. He just laughed. Now I am struggling to get work done and my head screwed on tight because all I want to do is die so I dont have to imagine them two doing stuff that he and I did. Is this a crush gone wrong or a fp that I am stuck with until I quit or die?",5.667142857142856,3.509752857142857,7.158441558441558,81.14337662337664,68.04761904761904,10.304761904761904,32.68831168831169,8.841846274778883,2.383992207792208,814,27,190,11,11,285,135,231,0.154,0.804,0.040999999999999995,-0.9794,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,1,4,10,6,2,1,12,0,21,3,2,3,3,32,38,17,2,3,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,8,12,0,1,3,1,0,5,4,4,0,1,14,4,29,2,35,24,2,35,0,0,2,1,18,12,1,4,17,130,37,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559653719092988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820082108864524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163056817819974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615577770596627,0.0,0.12026466110750472,0.15923480342158944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29336435849895004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446335559062429,0.3312843413769215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603560484716308,0.0,0.0,0.1278445210898148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476821629623285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303755755940854,0.0,0.0,0.13994269065301135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953787523396205,0.14504926208557695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402519965396196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886828289851102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256225947094587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090053458876344,0.0,0.0,0.13263220484288893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766374827027626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032590221321251,0.0,0.0,0.18108411326837445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691278670090198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975167709822948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003679693178616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775278325933766,0.1617933966471864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135987614546966,0.12353197796423905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056099752779256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396792450772166,0.0,0.1570270613287359,0.0,0.0,0.13806259407031846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667246838959714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086780870855177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452633238593788,0.0,0.0 bpd,robertjackcook,2020/01/17,"girlfriend told me she’s not in love with me anymore. could use some advice/support backstory: my girlfriend and i have been together almost a year (valentine’s day is our anniversary). she’s the greatest and most patient and caring person i’ve ever met. but somewhere along the way she began caring about me to this point where she was effectively taking care of me. and of course, whenever my bpd would act up it would cause me to lash out, often at her. i’ve been trying to get help, but my parents are mad religious and have me on some weird Christian health insurance plan that doesn’t cover mental health at all, so for the longest time the best help i could get was from my university psychiatrist who diagnosed me. i finally just managed to find a sliding scale place and i’m starting dbt next session. anyway this lashing out has significantly pushed her away, especially since the new year when a lot of shit went down and since then i’ve become pretty depressed. then just yesterday she told me that she’s tired of everything being so serious and that she doesn’t want to be my caretaker, which to be clear is absolutely fair. but then she told me she doesn’t think she’s in love with me anymore, and that she got so caught up taking care of me that she didn’t stop to ask herself if she even still likes me. so her and i got into it today, and i said some things that i probably shouldn’t have (due to my distorted perception of things). and now she just left to go shopping without saying anything and i just don’t know what to do. the weird thing is i don’t feel much other than just completely empty. i know that i’m probably totally in the wrong in this situation (as i usually am lol), but i don’t know how to express that because she’s tired of hearing that and it’s not okay that i’m wrong so often and get mad at her due to my false perceptions of what’s actually happening. just sucks and could use some perspective/advice/support/anything.",5.113724591470708,6.07602822020726,5.668393782383423,80.86563571143883,68.61139896373058,9.04726982861698,29.61299322439219,9.265573868473778,2.44261371064169,1567,57,305,30,26,506,193,386,0.145,0.735,0.12,-0.8693,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,0,0,3,23,19,4,0,10,2,30,8,1,5,4,70,68,32,0,8,14,1,1,1,2,3,5,3,0,1,24,22,0,1,9,1,1,6,11,10,0,0,15,4,51,9,44,44,11,48,1,1,0,2,39,19,2,10,23,217,75,2,0.0,0.0,0.08504782458744924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727018449485745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728628213923041,0.0,0.0,0.14343741524412074,0.0,0.0814753978937474,0.0,0.08188221562981822,0.0,0.0,0.05312707802897597,0.09625258708117096,0.0,0.0,0.09146069491247708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976495042224077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554292751213812,0.08952915787816243,0.0,0.0,0.09137726158382826,0.0,0.0,0.20875145014807936,0.0,0.0,0.056205859447358036,0.0,0.07506392909561609,0.08845749166003515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05756310411113572,0.0788340147157108,0.0,0.0,0.07832663891117958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04406669283758476,0.0,0.0,0.09547080590168618,0.07965539070689064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660004013829896,0.0,0.04953051588498706,0.0,0.1394069045760048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706826602351907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18527709793489744,0.0982266893114262,0.0,0.1168323580428204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436894549739419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946909524538384,0.0,0.0,0.04257808721802669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409355250891918,0.15731624743789946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782876349771825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406678129528716,0.0,0.0,0.08417198863568774,0.09268718912198436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677203279349153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609780453126612,0.09105533819425753,0.0,0.0823868530408286,0.0,0.0,0.0886649620131397,0.1879292909407908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290155290092556,0.06930680461928891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946032231103937,0.1441861453062762,0.0979625506847152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06168666638355686,0.0,0.06959973612595087,0.07286301245953998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977982169004613,0.0,0.0,0.13105498404049376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369983943864944,0.05584351171967608,0.0,0.0,0.05081905859709408,0.20033691146786456,0.08260994872557242,0.24983254292096724,0.0,0.05917051809313668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150542770313388,0.0959856653848496,0.0,0.05140453447548786,0.06917723713479293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079081932997585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401146184699693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382062523686492,0.19057416082335912,0.0,0.11224611983725574 bpd,movingpastregret,2020/01/17,"Made huge mistake. Trying to move forward. Need wisdom Hi. This is my first post. I'm a 44 yo woman married for 17 years and 2 kids. I have a fairly successful career. My marriage has been dead for years, mostly sexless and passionless and I did something bad, which I'll get to in a moment. I only recently realized that some of the blame could be on me because I just figured out I probably have BPD. Also, I'm a closet alcoholic for years. I handle it well enough for an alchie, I come home, sneak about 3 shots of vodka, still take care of the kids, get terrible sleep, and do it all over again the next day. Husband has no idea, because he pays not attention. But to my most recent problem.... So I started the job I have about a year ago and this good looking, smart, charismatic, married, coworker 5 years younger than me started following me around giving me lots of attention, but nothing crossed too much of a line. He was also very vocal about weird stuff, like he told me his wife (who can diagnose people) said he's a narcissist and possibly a sociopath and he basically believed it (huge red flag number 100). Anyway, I just brushed that aside in my brain because I loved all of the attention. And he is so HOT. So we went to this training together that ended early and out of the blue he asks me to happy hour. So we go and nothing happens except we talk for hours (mostly about him, but still, he's entertaining). Did 2 more happy hours and the third one, we kissed and talked a lot about sex, and I loved every minute of it. He also told me he's had multiple affairs. This would have been my first. Anyway, brushing aside the facts that we are married co-workers and he's a narcissist, I am thinking I'm going to have a hot and heavy affair. But I was basically ghosted and discarded immediately after, typical narcissist thing to do. Really I dodged a bullet I know, sinxe we didn't have sex, but I'm obsessed with this guy, probably because he rejected me. I see him daily, we still work together. I'm keeping it professional at work, though. Every now and then he texts me something random, I guess hoovering as they say about NPDs. Ironically it was he who asked me if I was Borderline. He thought I was and being a narcissist and possibly a sociopath, they are good at reading and studying people. This triggered me to read about BPD, take some online assessments, and come to the conclusion that I probably definitely have it. I've been pushing my husband away off and on for years, only trying again and again with him. And then I let this co-worker now take over my thoughts and obsessions. The last time we went out was in November. But, we have an out of town conference to go to in March, and I know between now and then, he's probably going to try to get with me again so that I get drunk with him, have sex at this conference, and then he can discard me again. The problem is, I very much want to have sex with him even though I know it's soooo wrong and would regret it so much. I don't think I will. But I'm an empty vessel I think, and his attention was addictive. I guess I should thank him (in my head) for giving me a name to what I think I've been dealing with forever. I have also discarded people and that's probably what I do off and on with my poor husband, who is cold, but that's probably why I chose him in some twisted way. But he's also honest, reliable, responsible, and a decent father. I think if I have BPD it's probably not as severe as others here, I'm not suicidal, but I do sometimes feel so hopeless. My kids fill me up, but boredom drives me crazy and I'm just empty. And weak. And dealing poorly with getting older. I was always attractive I guess but felt ugly and now this guy giving me the attention the husband hasn't (probably because of me) really is addictive. And, I recently lost weight and getting some attention from other guys, and I just kind of hate myself. Today I felt so low. But then, turned in some upbeat music and suddenly felt better. Then low again. So, yes, I know I need help with drinking. I know I need a psychologist. I guess I don't expect a lot of sympathy, but was hoping for some support or something. Had to get this off of my chest.",3.1773643543956034,5.010204590144231,4.561293956043958,83.53013461538464,74.61298076923076,7.831208791208793,26.66936813186813,8.591530228387361,1.9870871016483518,3297,123,644,64,70,1094,333,832,0.107,0.773,0.121,0.9339,1,1,6,0,0,1,122.0,9,0,2,8,48,38,1,2,34,1,57,19,4,2,3,155,132,83,3,16,25,6,7,1,0,4,5,2,2,7,38,66,4,1,26,6,3,15,8,17,1,4,30,16,99,21,86,94,19,95,0,6,4,7,75,31,0,21,50,444,137,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862412598497707,0.0,0.0,0.0441631634061714,0.05324332016207644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19920851512129825,0.04145492502903626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04435110497282126,0.09315150911709606,0.0,0.046808313631779064,0.0,0.041598315449877625,0.151851590213609,0.0,0.0,0.056131019325115585,0.0,0.04406247910796425,0.0,0.0,0.18824278943680306,0.055616527586679176,0.0,0.0,0.05079566074216898,0.0,0.0,0.08583247426567264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03977788206495344,0.0,0.0,0.03213031641510146,0.10272618464843504,0.0,0.05056709788389732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04880545042133565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04412647139924114,0.05147823956631123,0.0,0.03290619104683321,0.0,0.08395240295631817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025190910665902774,0.0,0.1435074410376308,0.0,0.0,0.08475515205674218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822053067408312,0.14337805135628556,0.11325731254609606,0.08357470380719446,0.0,0.0,0.21953306241498444,0.14799137571682092,0.04405639905245283,0.10607040861291317,0.0,0.049187759227522984,0.051130549090221036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033393854914309073,0.0,0.04997435873761873,0.04948332964737568,0.1471904578159166,0.0,0.0,0.05624165747803005,0.0,0.0,0.049439490356315285,0.04428304647075372,0.0,0.051880732071169465,0.13690113745021773,0.0406106292837993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05094517832469419,0.0,0.02433994299021951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04183695294027394,0.0,0.054385325672648685,0.12706767460749566,0.08993049580800776,0.0471416778360028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052951662125299725,0.1098721365506016,0.11082455160699692,0.0,0.0,0.05298502226275793,0.0,0.0,0.09560886797478084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033759886554618104,0.07578197868071643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036184799958039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233100944356364,0.04771458731037845,0.0,0.42972228454213934,0.0953436195524384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966863263616207,0.0,0.06383300411045961,0.0,0.1475761897093638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04739102207848575,0.03961952693247255,0.0,0.0,0.03970075444684612,0.0,0.0,0.056283361588268695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04985681410337735,0.0,0.0,0.115063536331159,0.04927407883323194,0.0,0.07052688559465306,0.0,0.11936094738817235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05703293550615834,0.054495906248966185,0.05653609212494148,0.0,0.0,0.11237720087549703,0.08008819852831547,0.0,0.04586833039251308,0.0,0.0,0.033098748406253965,0.15961589404785442,0.09789743308401676,0.07910435445706246,0.02905092900806033,0.0,0.04722432532277051,0.09521188400126747,0.0,0.10147522807076297,0.05419076108034122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221481157283614,0.029385618761249156,0.039545459133938775,0.0,0.06066835411421009,0.04479491309109028,0.09236882467525144,0.04495555363374338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450806423313841,0.0,0.0,0.07078258221996057,0.05447126107494105,0.0,0.19249790229342087 bpd,praghathi97,2020/01/17,Does anyone else feel their FP doesn’t love them back enough? I’m a hardcore romantic and my boyfriend of 4 years is a really practical person and he doesn’t believe in the concept of hugs n kisses or flirty texts. But I’ve always felt that hugs can cure anything and I’d do anything to get a hug back from him..he’s just an aloof person basically. All I want is for him to recognise my needs...Am I asking for too much?,1.8395454545454548,3.692517500000005,3.45,89.92000000000002,78.54545454545455,6.218181818181819,22.363636363636363,7.1686216300943375,0.6793136363636361,332,10,71,4,8,110,66,88,0.0,0.7390000000000001,0.261,0.9681,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,4,5,0,0,5,0,6,5,0,0,1,10,13,5,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,7,5,8,12,3,4,0,0,0,5,8,1,0,1,3,39,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19085364510965414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038035868544204,0.2350159696134182,0.37750280668538944,0.0,0.2144293476590599,0.0,0.0,0.3527416914014583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584206734040691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007226339189024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19160863129429265,0.0,0.0,0.2369998174686585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159760178278383,0.0,0.22023051304685426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983600061806594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070147626543153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16861283865934154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4005528786789342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693985701635673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528796519252614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770631918454558 bpd,ismisemichelle,2020/01/17,"Opposite Action all the way! This is my very first post on Reddit but I've been following this community for a while now and wanted to share the best news I've had in years with you all. I was diagnosed with BPD nearly 2 years ago, and since then I finished DBT and I've been trying to get my life back on track. I haven't worked in more than 2 years and it's been much longer since my last interview. Every time before now that I even so much as started looking for work I would have terrible panic attacks... Last week, after much encouragement from my therapist, I finally applied for a job again! It's part-time, similar field I studied in college, it would be a perfect segue into full time employment. I got asked in for an interview this week and on the hour long drive out there I almost turned back 10 times. I had such bad panic attacks I had to pull over a few times. I nearly ran when I got to the office. But... Opposite Action all the way right? I went in, and through the nerves managed to get through it. I missed a call from them yesterday, and that's when the panic set it. I didn't ring back. I let myself get into my own head and thought of all the bad things that could happen. I almost convinced myself I didn't want this job. When they rang back today, I was with my friend from group, I was so anxious and afraid that I silenced the call. She assured me she'd be there the whole time and that everything would be okay, it was just a chat. I really didn't want to, but when I eventually calmed down a bit I managed to call them back and I got offered the position! I'm still shaking, but things are finally starting to look up. (Also, I hope this is right place for this kind of post and that I've used the right flair) TL,DR: Thanks to opposite action I overcame my anxieties and managed to get a job for the first time in over 2 years.",3.3949283829626817,4.555342868073879,4.259904824726725,88.62975923482851,72.82585751978893,7.630644553335848,24.88136072370901,8.07648339933343,1.2226833019223524,1453,43,314,21,28,468,179,379,0.11900000000000001,0.774,0.107,-0.4031,4,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,1,3,6,21,23,2,5,22,1,27,3,1,1,6,43,53,27,0,8,5,0,0,0,1,3,2,2,0,0,20,19,0,0,1,1,0,9,4,11,0,2,19,4,44,12,47,25,14,79,0,1,2,0,18,23,0,3,42,214,64,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829764341442926,0.0,0.15430316833753788,0.0,0.0,0.06161457233369803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589408534244368,0.08704134086970303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202867800346867,0.1753044958507788,0.0,0.2962224852349993,0.1286622921056272,0.0,0.0,0.06556144381016547,0.0,0.08085622303330735,0.0,0.0841155250020952,0.0,0.09703817930832133,0.0,0.23602124183663026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061515874215518074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820122820491496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05088891123070327,0.0,0.06491554090183059,0.0,0.0692450040021256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688027580053571,0.0,0.13107252076734624,0.0,0.0,0.05952643147401197,0.0,0.16101580862832884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486491568154573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813253400655962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907259670759678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652519753018536,0.07587591578273943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22937220225090715,0.0,0.0,0.08023274298736326,0.0,0.1256074096029505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878592370985488,0.054420675578744936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818429692648767,0.12940039041957746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991554554866534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711946643454047,0.0,0.08343454756186677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049786567282834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757973018461315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049358372640927566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973935171518531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746838556555395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906872859566838,0.0,0.061529947838735576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093465756407569,0.0,0.08945767130466123,0.10237339636763196,0.0,0.0,0.06116682520620907,0.2695608516992887,0.0,0.07303168257486904,0.0,0.0,0.05230995251581376,0.08380516682155248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654399370221005,0.0,0.06357196191477306,0.13633320329954227,0.12231287155540195,0.12360514123055065,0.0,0.0,0.07142347336240289,0.0,0.08602038352588649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121824753036212,0.0,0.0,0.1641962391580799,0.0,0.0,0.198463335728414 bpd,d330r,2020/01/17,I want a relationship but i know i shouldn’t have one i want a bf so bad i feel so abandoned and confused how do people w bpd have hook ups and feel OK after i feel so used and gross and i jus want someone who can hold me and understand me,0.28055555555555856,1.8213392777777813,2.6071851851851875,95.60633333333335,82.14814814814815,5.801481481481483,20.059259259259264,6.742157984588678,0.002241481481481511,187,5,47,2,5,64,35,54,0.29,0.579,0.131,-0.927,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,2,1,5,0,0,2,0,20,14,10,0,4,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,3,9,1,2,13,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23468765342110165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35400679128939594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42636310974020825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544726335737512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19046512988759096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19486348311850624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017716351873413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381557304490836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29261119316611195,0.0,0.2427603841911847,0.0,0.0,0.4973597009990186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,roxsannie1,2020/01/17,"I feel like I'm free probably not though My boyfriend finally admitted that he never wanted to marry me, never intended, never thought. That its meaningless and just a piece of rock. I thought that after we had moved in it was the next step naturally. But I felt crazy, I wasn't sure if it the bpd making paranoid but damn I finally feel like I know the truth. Im devastated because its a deal breaker. Although it almost feel like a massive weight has been lifted off of me.",3.4757258064516137,5.489578655913982,4.8039650537634415,81.32594758064519,74.26881720430106,8.090860215053763,28.829301075268816,8.841846274778883,2.468162365591398,377,16,71,8,8,125,65,93,0.158,0.695,0.147,-0.2803,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,0,2,7,1,0,6,0,5,1,0,2,5,24,16,6,0,2,5,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,2,1,0,8,1,1,2,5,1,0,0,7,5,10,7,6,9,1,11,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,2,10,47,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762930172816407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020469366989789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21083743663439844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258450252974344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539310186837902,0.3587768798387161,0.16073253640609678,0.3667622481001581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808232961258356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199996975829199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453530402367579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174238813872624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779222366194856,0.0,0.0,0.3873331050278041,0.0,0.17803432961208046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18048807847157747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777476144240385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16447198779519046,0.26579758040525264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873826060600496,0.0,0.0,0.20385099962453973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Clarrison,2020/01/17,"EUPD vs BPD My mental health nurse just said she suspects I have emotionally unstable personality disorder, not borderline. I said I thought that they were the same thing but eupd was more 'updated'. She said it was different and explain what it was but it sounded the same to me. I've googled it and I find a lot of sources treating it as the same thing. Anyone have any ideas on how it's different?",2.2994660894660903,5.023963506493509,3.6843290043290047,83.88617604617605,82.76623376623377,7.578066378066379,28.036075036075033,8.515128840125781,2.501982395382395,318,15,61,8,9,104,53,77,0.073,0.927,0.0,-0.5106,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,1,0,17,11,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,10,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,4,9,1,4,3,5,2,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,1,1,45,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339792597082624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775983761007074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248137762396742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4116845639138295,0.2258001412170647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22161916825197694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007123710084735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20942133316725886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22240977859235728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16749798780816855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985481956176476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17202885681682015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5622288104787226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617805247860889,0.0,0.0,0.15641059269420785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bringmethedogs,2020/01/17,"DAE not know the reason they have bpd? I was diagnosed about a year and a half ago and straight away everything started to make sense, I finally started to understand why I was having certain emotions, thoughts and behaviours. However, I know a lot of people that have bpd due to childhood trauma or through genetics or some other stand out reason. But I don’t actually know what’s caused my bpd, I had a relatively nice childhood with a loving family, I was bullied a bit during high school but it don’t think I’d class it as ‘traumatic’. Also there’s basically no record of mental illness in my family. I guess I was just wondering if there was any other bpd sufferers who also can’t figure out why they have it.",6.649347826086956,6.770332449275365,7.554891304347826,71.62190217391306,65.08695652173913,11.247826086956522,34.64130434782609,10.9516,3.951156521739129,570,24,102,15,8,192,89,138,0.11800000000000001,0.826,0.055999999999999994,-0.8765,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,0,6,5,0,0,7,0,13,3,0,4,1,29,25,11,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,10,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,7,0,13,3,13,18,3,15,0,1,0,1,4,6,0,7,8,72,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.12209378786426217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090653143806144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001081783189692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508220878919237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754927199440834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659272343360213,0.0,0.6303097645021735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852714414115085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269886710698874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073706919981607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244492239197723,0.0,0.23589379338927696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370569133253385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378278219366585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219042929444305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20627911318156011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636794681128796,0.11292079859453075,0.0,0.0835149576338805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608607534511052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673870048307324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25727726426616426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662264050241692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17711349575422206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016837475351185,0.0,0.0993270057875177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024869634807248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257929069320015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356814314019232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056969129119193 bpd,NafkaGjores,2020/01/17,"I can’t do stuff on my own when there’s people around me that i’m comfortable with i want to do everything at once. drawing, playing videogames, watching tv, cooking, taking a bath, going on a walk. when i’m alone in my room i can’t do any of those things, and when i force myself i don’t enjoy doing the things i love at all. but there’s no way i can have someone around ALL the time, so what the hell am i supposed to do? i’m bored but i can’t do anything",2.3392362093352195,2.8153954554455467,3.823281471004247,93.35039603960396,74.64356435643565,6.563507779349363,24.32956152758133,6.1826913282559595,0.4204274398868457,355,10,86,2,7,118,63,101,0.14400000000000002,0.757,0.099,-0.8098,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,1,0,5,0,13,2,0,0,2,9,20,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,4,1,0,0,4,0,2,5,2,0,0,0,1,13,4,11,20,3,15,1,0,1,1,1,8,1,0,4,61,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708745056339473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778548172974058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215223500139586,0.4656485615319906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350535019324329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863807988094954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360482677743852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27852944806865354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18131752744283489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22160030961321303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993984523572069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966440368987949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34750846891698106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525049185590872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542618962288361,0.20759670105316588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Av00cad00,2020/01/17,"DAE have a very strange relationship with sex? I find that I crave sex a lot, and I will fantasise about people (normally one specific person until I get bored thinking about them and move on to someone else), I also find that when I first hook up with someone it’s so hot and I get so turned on but after a short while I get bored of them. I also can’t orgasm because of my medication so that’s fun. But yeah - I was just wondering if anyone else has complicated feelings towards sex and doesn’t know how to manage it? N.B. I’m a girl just fyi! (I’m also now in a long term relationship but don’t want to have sex with them at all and find myself making up excuses to not have sex, yet will masturbate like an hour after I’ve seen them - usually while thinking about someone else)",4.015197255574614,4.89509716352201,5.335323041738139,82.55608919382506,71.0754716981132,8.54911377930246,27.033161806746712,8.841846274778883,1.9000389937106923,615,20,127,11,11,206,92,159,0.039,0.8590000000000001,0.102,0.8878,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,4,1,15,4,0,0,6,1,10,7,1,2,1,29,24,20,0,3,7,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,5,8,0,0,8,0,0,1,4,2,0,2,2,3,16,2,22,20,3,22,0,0,1,6,9,8,0,3,14,87,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33765174321082564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840942699767363,0.14420585596968433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857944486187264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527133079393366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116291267495176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38590435868576783,0.1197142803719686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205941971544026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860160165253613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734761016526571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875897662051515,0.0,0.0,0.124551416138731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965302289424448,0.0,0.0,0.09394575562793606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178181909589838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958548175539774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789636428460486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536978994786444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757213545854382,0.12288967176577542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30220647188307576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35774835007143885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803623867403326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530858669499908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500640243198174,0.11612612053093632,0.08301272826300403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262768441569016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,melonlupi,2020/01/17,"Just got ghosted by a group of long time friends. Help with coping? Just got ghosted by a group of long time friends. Help with coping? Hi, everyone. I just got ghosted by my long time friends (well, ex-friends now). I'm newly diagnosed with BPD as well, so this is my first experience of abandonment after being diagnosed (and its been a while since I've been abandoned like this). FYI (idk if this is related but just in case), I take 300mg of Seroquel at night. These are my questions: 1. How do you deal with the lack of closure? And how 2. I get a lot of dreams revolving aroung my group of (ex) friends. I find anything that reminds me to them is triggering and almost guaranteed to ruin my mood for the whole day. How do you deal with.. unwanted dreams? Thanks guys.",1.727564705882351,4.2477779133333335,2.5618431372549004,92.41111764705884,83.2,6.196078431372548,24.823529411764717,7.510576382923642,1.2622941176470597,597,24,124,10,17,187,89,150,0.086,0.728,0.18600000000000005,0.9283,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,2,1,1,11,12,0,0,6,0,9,2,0,4,0,26,16,11,3,3,6,1,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,1,6,8,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,3,2,1,5,0,13,8,22,10,3,14,0,3,0,0,18,2,0,4,13,77,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036948623394412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713774836354822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639735297441146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396371638152236,0.26844653881849595,0.0,0.2642863151490583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440499373164332,0.0,0.1273537390807581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189940461605573,0.11074210190193402,0.0,0.0,0.5029339560695926,0.0,0.06802047058586423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123817137359641,0.0,0.0,0.12891154195375645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17453125121375493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360572499723888,0.0,0.0,0.34565013234532777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106854354639844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217731386498372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14584595950652018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769699751660156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788893558924308,0.0,0.0,0.11986422524494048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22774976122296134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341182906214694,0.0,0.0,0.14535583846710265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,blakieee,2020/01/17,When you play yourself When you thought you were best friends and close with someone and you talked everyday for months and you catch feelings and fall hard and just when you think you may have a chance they don't talk to you or read your messages for four days while tagging other people in posts and pictures with other people so you slowly realize that your favorite person doesn't view you as their fp anymore and you were just friends to just fill a void and now they don't need you anymore.,10.342187499999998,7.649517177083332,7.905416666666664,81.13125000000002,59.52083333333334,10.433333333333334,38.583333333333336,7.1686216300943375,2.741445833333333,403,14,79,2,4,115,60,96,0.013999999999999999,0.8140000000000001,0.172,0.9468,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,14,3,1,8,4,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,21,11,15,0,1,4,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,11,0,0,4,2,0,3,3,0,0,1,3,3,17,4,8,7,1,14,0,0,1,0,23,2,0,2,8,57,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.454683394285083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405702907746761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783902487763514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590921236232478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35421617263974586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20535149775512726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297494004631326,0.0,0.0,0.1699764736249625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178484113253742,0.2001610744475519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195458634540452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292992273940373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942319293483014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685043440489636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468859367965375,0.0,0.1819887248450864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LostWinterKitt3n,2020/01/17,"I have lost many people due to my BPD But in my opinion, it is their loss. It has taken me ages to get over the fact that I’ve lost so many friends, because I get so attached to them. I love all the people in my life more than words can explain. Which is why when they leave me I panic about them abandoning me & I get very obesssive. Yes I have my moments, I have done bad things in the past. But my friends have done their share of equally bad things to me. I think people with BPD are incredibly loyal. I have another friend with BPD & we are closer than ever. The things we do to people is never out of meliciousness or spite or simply to hurt them, it is because we are hurting so much inside & it makes us act out.",3.712317880794704,4.201601059602652,4.521516556291392,89.5402880794702,71.51655629139073,7.099602649006624,25.03377483443709,6.742157984588678,0.7221041059602653,564,15,126,4,10,182,83,151,0.17300000000000001,0.698,0.129,-0.6977,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,4,0,6,3,6,16,1,1,4,1,17,2,0,1,4,21,27,8,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,9,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,10,0,0,5,0,28,6,19,22,4,15,0,6,0,1,16,7,0,3,7,91,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684413753510889,0.0,0.0,0.11885650085343635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892836654265188,0.13819321905527865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42827798180485305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23199113520057274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253082485237963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627198914638803,0.0,0.17766080848165616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426852882254305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002041784153634,0.0,0.0,0.08006187966926291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24746804473699385,0.0,0.10230206257194707,0.0,0.07566145942903879,0.22983656021074664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833246911949253,0.0,0.08742187722950069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299084311164586,0.0,0.0,0.10820462033701317,0.31432820435821873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259124805275376,0.07262957924849726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634511012167227,0.0,0.0,0.09352494637437768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228000678689066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fae411,2020/01/17,"Progress is not perfection- when your s/o makes you feel like $#!+ I've been trying SO effing hard for the past few weeks... i'm only into my 3rd therapy session. I've make it through 10 days without flipping out or melting or turning hysterical. I haven't balled my eyes out for 10 days. Though theres been many days where I've wanted to crumble like the ruins of Rome. However today my s/o made me feel so hurt. He had used my work sheets from my therapist as his personal coaster and got food and liquid all over them. I was devastated... for many reasons including the fact that when I was hospitalized all of my paperwork mysteriously went missing from my room and when I got upset about it they sedated me. \*AND NOBODY COULD TELL ME WHERE MY PERSONAL FOLDER AND NOTEBOOK WENT!\*\* ANYWAYS. back to the point. I calmly expressed my frustastion.. it lasted about 1 minute.. usually I fljip the fuck out and it last for an hour.... I thought we had moved forward from the sitatuion but 30 minutes later he flipped out on me telling me I was terrible and I should do this this and that next time. blah blah blah. all I heard was I did every thing wrong. I wish he had said I'm proud of you for not flipping out... I'm proud of you for not crying and crumbling into a ball on the floor... instead he said things that made me crumble into pieces on the floor for hours. I just don't get how or why he doesn't see my progress. And why am I the only one whos trying to become a better person... this isn't healthy. And I wish I could leave this toxic relationship but as for now.. I am stuck. two steps forward, one step back - I am good enough, I do deserve more. I keep repeating this in my head.",2.0212504456327984,4.172439914705887,3.351711229946524,89.38330659536541,79.26470588235293,6.35650623885918,24.12655971479501,7.463857097105799,1.06743137254902,1321,47,276,19,33,430,185,340,0.111,0.792,0.09699999999999999,0.4791,1,0,0,0,0,0,60.0,1,4,2,7,18,15,1,1,12,0,23,4,2,7,5,52,52,25,0,6,10,0,3,5,0,1,0,3,1,3,14,20,1,1,4,2,0,7,8,7,0,3,21,8,45,8,37,28,7,47,0,3,2,1,24,21,1,3,25,176,59,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668800907533584,0.0,0.0,0.1125250241758726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010984083757903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16269527699275868,0.0,0.11191692906806053,0.1971240218553112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527541953672387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584330502364736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303319271238552,0.07278734120939154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320089207020755,0.0,0.0,0.09419191664061748,0.053231202350349234,0.0,0.0,0.08545709876720144,0.1629749992534712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126979646726616,0.0,0.10456437617067854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200674269735696,0.0,0.10907101399052707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056091146177662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16610129140081198,0.0,0.10788250717021723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955265492304068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19281389393502504,0.13601932214799378,0.20659271814610225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828863792490473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835686097402804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808110962968964,0.15497770837051886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972616654673782,0.0,0.2668886381430043,0.0,0.0,0.0963151527800007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475572304959543,0.0,0.10938737779987928,0.0,0.0,0.19383373532655693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118990889213255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810561773612882,0.0,0.11651546034677546,0.11829743783733405,0.13537699245213505,0.0,0.10010242605725074,0.08088606149712692,0.05941051529774146,0.0,0.09657596496261936,0.0,0.0,0.13834774068595587,0.11082265352913834,0.09952776604234764,0.0,0.0,0.08799674576399316,0.11221297676766848,0.0,0.06009497157438255,0.0,0.0817267613712971,0.0,0.0,0.1888985880582628,0.1838724404396783,0.0,0.2343276226638834,0.09821441752429544,0.0,0.07417418319258721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139628920239224,0.0,0.0 bpd,Orjen8,2020/01/17,"What do you think of my new relationship? I can't tell anymore. First of all I should mention that I (34 F) have depression, anxiety and Borderline Personality Disorder. After my ex-boyfriend dumped me I became suicidal for a while. I quickly turned to dating apps and it was a struggle, as most of the men were interested only in one night stands (with me). So after a couple of months which felt as long as years, I finally met a guy (34 M) whom I was not only attracted to but also made it clear from the second date that he wants a relationship with me. That made me insanely happy. What’s more, when we are physically together (and alone) he treats me like a queen. He listens to me, he touches me and kisses me and cuddles with me constantly. It feels right. It feels like I can let my guard down and enjoy the presence of this man. At this point, we’ve been together for about 3 months. However, here come the red flags: 1. When we are apart, he hardly initiates communication. In the beginning, I expressed that not staying in touch at all between dates hurts me. He said that that’s just who he is and he doesn’t like to call or text anyone, including his family and friends. Nonetheless, every evening he doesn’t spend with me, he spends with friends. I find it hard to believe that he never initiates communication, yet he manages to maintain such super close connections. It is true that, in time, he has begun to be more thoughtful and he really impressed me when he was out of town over the holidays. He texted and/or called me every day during that time. 2. One night we were drinking cocktails and he let it slip out that he wants to fuck all his female friends. What the actual fuck? When I mentioned it the next day, he said that’s true but he is not going to do it because he has a girlfriend, namely me. 3. The sex. It is some of the most interesting sex I’ve ever had. We have a mild BDSM dynamic, where he is dominant and I am submissive. I like that, I want that. However, he has some erectile dysfunction that he never discusses, he just pretends it does not exist. What’s more, I give him a blow job 70% of the times we have sex but he has not gone down on me once yet. I asked him once, in the beginning of our relationship, if he is ever going to do it and he said sure, if I want to, but I should keep in mind that he is not good at it. I should mention that I never have an orgasm with him, and it happened to me with men only a handful of times in my life. 4. A few days ago I had an appointment with my gynecologist. He knew about it and he texted me the next morning to ask how it went. I told him there are 2 benign growths in my uterus that may have to be surgically removed. He did not reply to that at all. The next text I got from him was 24 hours later asking me if we are still on for that night. 5. When we are in the presence of friends (either mine or his), he makes absolutely no effort to include me in the conversation, does not touch or kiss me at all and basically acts like I am not there. I am not one for PDA but this feels extreme. I also have social anxiety so engaging in conversations, especially with people I don’t know, is very difficult for me. Writing all this makes me think that I haven’t done him justice because he really is a sweet guy when we are together, which is about 3 times a week. I also struggle a lot with my BPD and fear of abandonment. These two things make me incredibly insecure and I need a lot of reassurance and positive reinforcement. These are things that I am not getting from him. Whenever I specifically ask to be reassured, he becomes defensive and doesn’t know what to say, to the point that he said I ask too much of him. So there you have it. My head hurts from constantly thinking about him and about whether I am falling for the wrong guy yet again and whether he is going to hurt me and how much. Even though all I have written is highly subjective and does not contain the whole picture, I would like to ask you kind internet strangers what you think. Does this sound like a worthwhile relationship for someone with my issues? Is he a dick? What should I do, if anything? TL;DR: I have BPD and I am unsure about my new relationship. He is great when we are alone together but distant and cold the rest of the time.",3.6424658519051083,5.032287308411217,4.819831775700936,83.96262329259528,72.52803738317758,8.398533429187635,27.071099928109273,8.929068819544836,1.981907066858376,3360,119,697,67,65,1108,338,856,0.09699999999999999,0.755,0.147,0.9952,3,2,1,1,0,0,108.0,10,4,0,4,41,48,4,4,40,0,74,14,4,7,16,140,126,60,1,14,30,0,10,7,5,6,1,7,0,7,59,49,2,5,13,4,2,10,22,15,0,6,26,20,100,33,93,89,22,99,0,5,1,10,114,31,3,14,63,486,159,2,0.0,0.0,0.053653910977120384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04873768984196394,0.0,0.0,0.1138882887109716,0.0,0.13190580667285187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412123433863476,0.0,0.054526770527210236,0.038444270208420735,0.0,0.04524500388827126,0.0,0.3084010978497171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703229691925261,0.06072263180888919,0.0,0.06194520499404441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849428617206616,0.0,0.1122843044617513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047361603953218284,0.0,0.1188307123634385,0.0,0.0,0.060835868506169885,0.0,0.10637535505967964,0.0,0.04735539549454165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630134427613016,0.0,0.1924583593296241,0.05626505686642539,0.0,0.05386083608539709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262938654873874,0.09946764019052742,0.0926483942995995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051831566584839284,0.06186935582612844,0.08340073691594913,0.039278720026736616,0.052790762042864287,0.06022943144766733,0.05025199953751613,0.04676714703902704,0.0,0.0,0.1699139595183387,0.10165882861046617,0.0287255099453496,0.05274316465119378,0.09374158255669666,0.04611578608315736,0.04397364473459256,0.060617182787869935,0.0,0.1633206775211228,0.04861986658030451,0.05852871802729755,0.09850506208275747,0.0,0.05642677405351521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05809086317541806,0.0,0.0,0.05414559954074272,0.0,0.17657616353542854,0.0,0.0,0.0573862924268622,0.05456055139823039,0.04886999068203693,0.0,0.057254662787705725,0.060432674305467886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244440427859023,0.03883498572934147,0.1880279288244652,0.0,0.0,0.048656804972475085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348643282943672,0.0,0.10404945188685576,0.11010152556970018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555155361562901,0.0,0.08777125088390497,0.0,0.08083530406291546,0.04076800819588145,0.12721512542541424,0.1062027490281707,0.17542001402130006,0.1547889457818913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710678390316155,0.11177044983391783,0.12544748680871068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038117176929295234,0.04800763393632284,0.0,0.0,0.10395038086347587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044497984448382,0.0,0.0,0.29514721349005296,0.0,0.04695381145819974,0.20919959144341005,0.04372341259979465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05604660887845034,0.04658555809932116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05860285223838401,0.04390821357568175,0.0,0.0,0.11495698491501208,0.0,0.06014072298198879,0.0,0.05181931470696116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04805616318723109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305439237424645,0.14091943308327445,0.05401894205461835,0.04364908665191245,0.19236056365716347,0.0,0.0,0.05253707970424022,0.0,0.0,0.059803970144597186,0.05370883442517488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045365409515619744,0.12971780665511135,0.0,0.0441027591509401,0.0,0.0,0.05096830458775582,0.0,0.0613847647265338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03905720596509256,0.06011352500170166,0.0,0.035406216152435575 bpd,BadPatience,2020/01/17,Is it healthy for a BPD person to be friends with another BPD? I don't want to tell the details.,0.6414285714285732,2.380827666666669,2.5526190476190465,95.4632142857143,81.85714285714286,6.104761904761905,29.54761904761905,7.1686216300943375,1.4696476190476186,75,4,18,1,2,25,19,21,0.055,0.6809999999999999,0.263,0.6786,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329987978978486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7999341058789015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24535303051199225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772890116239306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27756931346169755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18731043090526775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Shannabiss,2020/01/17,"All of you will relate. I seen someone else post about Halsey's new album, I have never listened to her before, but holy shit this song. I'm pretty sure 99% of us can relate to it. It's called 929 on the album Manic by Halsey. &#x200B; [https://open.spotify.com/track/1ed6Wdjk7gkxI2lIYjAoJ2](https://open.spotify.com/track/1ed6Wdjk7gkxI2lIYjAoJ2)",11.1706,15.696394860000005,7.4259999999999975,59.63300000000001,60.4,4.800000000000002,18.0,5.6839178017228535,-0.2635999999999994,293,4,38,1,5,81,41,50,0.09,0.7759999999999999,0.134,0.3291,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,3,4,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,5,1,7,4,1,4,0,0,1,0,5,1,1,0,2,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877518343837982,0.3227043005154989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259858897577077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27118311840218035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22185493937126036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20482883211007166,0.2564952671025724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25434870480080163,0.2701865963109413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27261027852825875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22502195615743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25030254091273396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194556163193105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227043005154989,0.0 bpd,curiouscast1999,2020/01/17,"Asking you guys for advice cause you’re like siblings I was using my boyfriends phone, not really snooping purposefully but I was just going through random apps of his out of boredom and I went through his twitter and he was talking about running off to a different state with his friends since high school and saying things like “oh 6 months will give me enough time to make money” ..he literally hasn’t said ANYTHING about ANY of this to me, the messages were dated last Saturday. We have been together for a year and 2 months. SHOULD I SAY SOMETHING?!",5.310800970873785,7.247308660194179,4.782706310679612,83.70473907766991,69.19417475728156,7.480097087378643,30.350728155339805,8.07648339933343,2.131680582524272,444,18,80,6,8,134,80,103,0.028999999999999998,0.878,0.09300000000000001,0.7574,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,9,0,0,3,0,15,16,5,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,3,0,1,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,7,3,12,3,15,7,1,14,0,0,0,0,17,3,0,1,9,49,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981246308493052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378767280862621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668457029021509,0.0,0.18954357212417625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082797609117111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118302519347254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20949460736695608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664389199043574,0.0,0.0,0.19449595807844536,0.11522730974860534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007540494176789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21421615793490484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16526804157270014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19810649482299367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533697900758912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32366570427287217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988663021341426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928613652427303,0.32246935049483233,0.0,0.2051934901851527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677166220642934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560866013097875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629625046113299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469787156909002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822496296419135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511061731714936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879509752209231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056413997988306 bpd,Tictocgoestheclock99,2020/01/17,"Well, the worst has happened... My ex moved on and of course I stalked her Instagram to make myself feel more shit. She’s a model. I know non-BPDs would also be hurt by this but because of BPD I feel like the ground has shattered. The fact that we broke up months ago and I’m still not over him makes me want to scream. Why couldn’t he move onto someone who isn’t... I dunno, stunning. Fuck. Already feel ugly everyday as it was. Probably will go do something reckless now..",0.41931983805667983,2.8652031263157944,1.5442105263157906,97.00716599190285,91.42105263157896,4.186234817813766,19.939271255060728,5.8734145424116955,-0.08862753036437265,367,12,78,3,13,115,82,95,0.27699999999999997,0.637,0.085,-0.9741,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,0,4,8,2,0,4,0,9,2,1,2,1,16,20,5,0,3,2,1,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,6,1,0,1,4,11,2,10,15,2,13,0,2,0,1,7,5,2,1,6,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349828815941106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035383050479232,0.14749962954220358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243522039338344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4646009850367573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27978096133006225,0.13176667803271142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705153086656068,0.0,0.0,0.10482365445901493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310303139510526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19745088836047192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136548151828724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010991753915984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246235319629862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472212708035731,0.3920691112209692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19886159778800255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932889646253168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562786218814936,0.14199383806734428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729704627035098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878972413687928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583711500203369,0.0,0.16643182905118875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102357408175522,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,slippingparadox,2020/01/17,"You guys weren’t wrong about how reddit perceives BPD I’ve seen, multiple times on this sub, the idea that reddit views bpd poorly. Never noticed it so I didn’t pay much attention to this idea. Finally searched BPD on all and shit you guys were right. Tons of people calling us “violent” “crazy” and to “run, don’t walk” to get away from us. It’s like a over exaggerated portrayal in every post. Multiple people insinuating that we are all constant liars. Nuts dude",3.766363636363636,6.097911090909097,4.656818181818182,81.2677272727273,74.45454545454545,8.036363636363637,25.772727272727273,8.841846274778883,2.075336363636364,368,13,69,8,8,119,67,88,0.226,0.748,0.026000000000000002,-0.9537,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,3,2,0,0,3,5,3,0,2,0,5,1,1,1,3,11,7,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,4,0,2,2,4,4,0,0,4,2,6,1,11,3,4,13,0,0,2,0,8,6,1,0,5,39,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296634852637824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5749488104593515,0.0,0.1553800017504757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644389782129427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282076576727098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669202714715273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950122338090694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013394410526934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435571068830931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434134030176642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186060017029864,0.0,0.1173609348521856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17324367486835046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21098753014102994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573437472818007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995018923685447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15619772279518834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887300763333133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660774646693101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663712424415188,0.0,0.0 bpd,LowriLlew,2020/01/17,"I need support. Last night my emotions got the better of me and I said some of the cruellest things I've ever said, unforgivable things. Alcohol didn't help, I think I already knew the night was doomed as soon as I started. I skipped work today because I just didn't have the mental capacity to be around other people. My whole body aches and I soon as I remember the things I said I feel like I can't breathe. I've apologised for what I said, but I can't think clearly from guilt and shame. They didn't deserve what I said. Also feeling low because after finally deciding to ask for DBT again, no matter how long the wait, it turns out it's not even available in my area. I don't think I'm capable of really loving people, because if I did I wouldn't hurt them in this way.",4.649056603773584,4.970240100628931,5.602194968553462,83.21725471698116,69.37735849056604,8.624150943396227,29.736477987421388,8.548686976883017,2.0614674213836484,612,22,127,9,10,202,97,159,0.17300000000000001,0.713,0.114,-0.8093,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,2,9,9,0,2,6,0,11,4,2,1,2,25,31,10,0,3,4,0,2,1,0,1,1,5,0,0,9,5,1,1,8,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,12,7,24,4,16,17,2,19,1,3,0,1,10,6,0,2,13,83,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322664147719553,0.0,0.0,0.13657700040384846,0.09897427886514956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017648088197156,0.11570292859282595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263367350552269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945947998422736,0.0,0.13747425451201833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921819738365002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174516353068664,0.1119519095473809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515791383696565,0.08841725214647017,0.0,0.13557775872844258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989856296654074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829566122376514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249226013255316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008844362194191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604649932662007,0.0,0.0,0.10952752510684048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170212735589156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472532094442895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917696721713692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322888532580807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160518679707693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928659005592628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020084372240044,0.0,0.5886410317405938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760101994241247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404462792293935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466705366123499,0.2379095291059697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731410027499158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346200360916939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823835336028693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817843903984814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010189614195248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LookALesbian,2020/01/17,"I can't keep doing this Everything was going okay. I was taken off my antidepressants, I 'graduated' from my therapy. But yet I just said to myself for the first time in almost 5 months that I don't want to live anymore. I was just talking to my mum about this plushie ornament she wants me to make for her. She started talking giberish about making candles in her shed. She has never made a candle a day in her life. She was swaying back and forth while just sitting on her bed. She reeked of alcohol. It's been like this every night since the 3rd of January when she started her work leave for the holidays. I can't handle it anymore. I can't even talk to her about it because when she is sober she gets furious at me. I'm worried about her health, and I've sunken into a depression again. I'm not getting out of bed, I'm not showering, my room is a mess and I just can't keep doing this.",2.2794057377049164,4.071432989071042,3.8301878415300585,87.97347848360658,77.03278688524591,6.979371584699456,25.09870218579235,7.865858978985527,1.3456013661202189,699,25,147,11,16,232,105,183,0.10099999999999999,0.8590000000000001,0.04,-0.8598,1,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,2,14,6,1,0,7,1,15,3,0,3,1,21,32,7,0,2,7,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,4,0,8,5,1,2,0,1,0,1,8,4,0,1,8,2,31,2,24,24,0,25,0,1,0,0,20,9,0,1,15,104,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17332288865239426,0.16240152104987432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32168128541927404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470769768279515,0.0,0.0988644441487284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459376382668553,0.0,0.13968683957378727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711946718242107,0.0,0.1366450565573764,0.0,0.1457584325222712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795165044112614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694664634307102,0.0,0.0921715837392421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17239153723862552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883090501972903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172697730784026,0.0,0.0,0.1145537137800932,0.0792337746004102,0.0,0.1432093908881538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534602228708553,0.2165150556899994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945186618517265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508450642973604,0.0,0.0,0.1521965160916242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427191275504046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341583580211022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22958604951215875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39106646261838,0.0,0.0,0.1854688803571581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456943929088517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913179085388977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807019143375515,0.16470336408909236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,OtherwiseDelirious,2020/01/17,"Messed up during an episode with my friend So I (19f) have been having a lot of weird experiences lately because I can’t take my tablets anymore. My friend (35f) called the cops on me yesterday because I was messaging her weird stuff. Now she’s just blanking me?? Like won’t respond to any of my requests to talk about it. I’m devastated because she would invite me over lots and we were starting to form a great friendship. I rarely make friends so it was special to me. I told her loads of personal stuff once, and thought I could trust her, and she just calls the police on me then ignores me. Why?? I really want to kill myself now. She also happens to be the manager at the place I work so it’s going to be super awkward when I return to work. How do I cope with being left on read and my trust being betrayed?",3.7263821138211375,4.90832757317073,4.5619512195121965,86.69747967479677,72.04878048780488,7.173983739837397,28.300813008130078,7.492282038375204,1.5220178861788622,638,24,131,7,12,206,103,164,0.135,0.685,0.18100000000000002,0.8590000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,1,0,0,3,11,15,1,1,7,0,15,0,0,2,0,18,24,11,1,3,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,6,0,0,6,0,30,9,20,11,3,17,0,0,0,0,19,8,0,2,9,95,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222043673372411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039179666126888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515492682990144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794598539109949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120779759760475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200861265401075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494802731538895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541884471125405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684705456481323,0.0,0.0,0.16847668785491354,0.0,0.0,0.1351318835463377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690647586053873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723795316781211,0.0,0.16603159017459904,0.0,0.0,0.07465663132756016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598320119493599,0.0,0.0,0.10200375263600504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627406798695194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343027150647022,0.15965688592739094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528541863189647,0.0,0.09789581381353593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816170971798858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3498682672611617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489623262136615,0.12282516671504685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131632003983367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460192105778828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013296814509213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788981326330005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22249912482646453,0.0,0.0,0.10855385214607388,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Cheap_Skate69,2020/01/17,"Do any of you have a narcissistic parent? My father is a malignant narcissist, 100%. After bursting this bubble of hatred, I stopped seeing things the way he did, and I am finally opening my eyes to everything. My life has changed about a month ago, since I started talking to my mother again after 2 and a half years of silence and a court battle. It was the first conversation we ever had about all the myths that my father had fed me throughout the years. (That my mother is apparently a scammer, cheater, liar,...) I used to be in touch with my mother on and off and whenever we would be in touch, it was amazing. I can now clearly recognize patterns of why I might have gotten BPD, his black and white thinking, his manipulation games, the gaslighting and verbal abuse, the restraint in my personal growth and development as a person... I believe it played a HUGE role in my BPD.",7.49012121212121,7.245083103030304,7.650909090909092,72.86303030303033,63.42424242424242,10.242424242424242,35.90909090909091,9.725611199111238,3.4395454545454545,692,29,123,12,9,225,106,165,0.109,0.8059999999999999,0.085,-0.6208,2,0,0,0,1,0,28.0,2,1,0,1,5,4,2,0,14,0,17,3,1,2,3,21,23,9,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,7,12,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,2,0,2,7,6,22,2,19,12,1,23,0,0,4,0,18,8,0,1,13,93,29,0,0.0,0.21686410656058192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224765955117335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446867706073872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062154477015804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4610471662791209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19362458338643224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556377491753707,0.0,0.0,0.16449820628193046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005036414357896,0.0,0.1556877270049524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928157989679082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941690270586178,0.0,0.0,0.14609514810785085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032364216577332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31963461017601624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585355745862402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514067410736483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295516584480766,0.0,0.0,0.1530237352260692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14711494565483393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159895371619595,0.11728011871909308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580816949987267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528302991677308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651587612467736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002135056036626,0.0,0.0,0.2357344274184063 bpd,MegShannon96,2020/01/17,"Does anyone else get really strong urges to self harm when they are in a bad mood/frustrated, not angry at myself, just angry in general and I can’t stop thinking about self harm and it’s really really overwhelming me right now. It just won’t stop, I’ve been clean for so long, I can’t even remember the last time I self harmed, maybe it’s been 2 years maybe it’s been more I’m not sure. But when I’m angry, it’s all I can think about. Why do I want to take my anger out on myself?",2.0436428571428564,3.0563920666666675,3.6887500000000015,91.99312500000002,75.95238095238095,7.916666666666668,17.886904761904766,8.472884824447931,0.39311904761904737,377,5,91,7,8,126,68,105,0.212,0.648,0.139,-0.8491,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,9,8,1,1,2,0,9,0,0,0,2,17,16,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,5,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,10,2,10,12,2,15,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,9,50,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134637930940614,0.17781689245633525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490244412480624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518699987401707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449741966071804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462453366096527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066986073053368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414619649144052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358145908777046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486976380614297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335312335873067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19659213629832997,0.1482060911636461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5431344198237286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901820168760557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356367760122215,0.0,0.13048389816317066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22240067097494215,0.0,0.0,0.10119521840821462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236106761956126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659695658499062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175699556401504 bpd,noir-,2020/01/17,"Him: 'Am I coming across too keen?' Me: *laughs in BPD* There's no such thing as 'too' keen, sweetie",-2.8073333333333323,-3.5095243999999983,-1.3099999999999987,110.3916666666667,143.0,1.3333333333333337,8.333333333333334,3.1291,-2.6121666666666665,72,1,18,0,6,22,18,20,0.096,0.655,0.249,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7567869755485731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5176046753055832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3991977877466821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwitaway33445566,2020/01/17,"The text game is absolutely killing me. I'm in such a complicated messy relationship the past four months. I'm almost too ashamed about it I havent really been able to openly talk to someone about it. The way we met and our current life situations. But godamn, waiting for texts back.. if I'm busy he text bombs me. With a frowny face. He then goes to work out of town. I lose him completely after 9pm. Sometimes not. I do a countdown, 40 min or so before I turn on DND to try to help myself with anxiety, anger.. that feeling of being cheated on. It's such a sick feeling... (it's always been a paranoia of mine anyways)That at that moment hes with someone else. The first time this happened I ghosted him in oct. I think I shouldve trusted my gut with this instead of attaching myself to him. I held off for so long, his actions almost show bpd and possessiveness when I was still guarding myself, then gave in and here we are. When we just finished opening up about these insecurities and agreed to work on those things. So much anxiety I havent had in a while. I drink to cope. But then the next day we talk.. I feel ok and review the night before txt and laugh at myself for freaking out. I hate being in the fog. Do I trust myself or let it go and just experience it, no matter what I think... or ghost.. and never look back. F#&@ I just want someone to hear me and tell me what to do so I can stop thinking about this I hate it so much. Help.",1.366935483870968,3.618877622448984,2.8787777046302416,91.31499341672152,82.29931972789116,5.4262014483212635,21.72876892692561,6.6834051587181325,0.4192746543778805,1127,36,240,12,31,368,167,294,0.141,0.78,0.079,-0.9613,1,0,1,0,0,0,48.0,5,0,0,4,22,13,5,2,13,1,16,5,2,0,1,46,37,26,3,2,10,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,17,21,1,4,6,3,0,2,5,9,0,2,7,5,39,4,40,27,2,44,0,1,1,0,22,17,0,6,24,168,56,3,0.1219100537846363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441506179890583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143893075960797,0.13208949234217096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18652171492551176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874826126037116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20747295334197974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354144507800155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278203719573559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862189932397387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942544106674124,0.0,0.0,0.10184020678063448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925142530663975,0.0,0.0,0.18492415854233096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036966294714318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928429298410076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780465794761844,0.0,0.0,0.24072187799187386,0.0,0.0,0.1374014907681164,0.0,0.16342747859639506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348754120355367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466128965363794,0.08610867629670242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788656131373538,0.1023737413474726,0.1363861668009349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730744184114046,0.0,0.17923583336455454,0.0,0.09402454899513404,0.0,0.12965272523936686,0.11440432706335316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637694074755205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809870213977345,0.0,0.0,0.13088577420069342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370320082849547,0.0,0.0,0.3098819788759344,0.0,0.12057216042500896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735752643004683,0.10192226373481207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19597336672265592,0.10655476041090227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080991622719375,0.2343451198589173,0.0,0.0,0.07108673273650419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276892413366768,0.13260313116448513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190570830275816,0.09676652624832356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775039421938964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lethalbabi,2020/01/17,"Relationship with BPD I’m in a relationship with someone who thinks he has bpd, we’re having trouble with it. Is anyone here with bpd in a relationship? How does it effect it? I have a hard time understanding it, when he does something to hurt me he says it’s a part of bpd which is true from the research i’ve done but is it justified? does it make it okay? Do you guys with bpd have trouble understanding right from wrong? and when you do wrong do you mean it or is it uncontrollable? I’d really appreciate if someone would help me understand, thank you.",2.0361515151515164,4.544349918181818,3.6468181818181833,85.24356060606063,81.63636363636363,7.303030303030304,22.803030303030305,8.344100000000001,1.4802121212121206,441,15,91,10,12,146,64,110,0.168,0.6859999999999999,0.146,-0.406,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,4,0,1,4,9,0,1,5,1,13,0,0,3,1,19,21,7,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,12,6,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,7,3,11,19,1,6,0,1,0,0,14,3,0,2,3,57,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517380888199206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6770282634775042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822493672701697,0.11002052083913988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645225180839496,0.0,0.0,0.09630824919776992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206199080802897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509216413581615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717640625934723,0.0,0.0,0.11711040171232183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642334440419147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887394952245797,0.0,0.0,0.3462779774255237,0.0,0.09181333992566362,0.0,0.0854966278362465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218651685848536,0.08276679964734411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898118116661593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888835756882426,0.0,0.0,0.06269021005557844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33576652119317824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637234159386792,0.23509160742039265,0.0,0.0 bpd,Elegy0,2020/01/17,A supportive and civil Discord server for people with NPD! There is a high level of comorbidity between NPD and BPD so you might find something valuable. You are welcome if you are 18+ and can behave! https://discord.gg/qA3w66Y,6.0288461538461515,9.3577348974359,5.7612179487179525,71.1233653846154,71.8205128205128,6.976923076923077,30.262820512820515,8.07648339933343,2.7241743589743592,187,8,26,3,4,58,32,39,0.062,0.7340000000000001,0.204,0.7339,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,6,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,4,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,0,20,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4752072435212296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448534209127493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3986474781936121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002650265498591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615784243528573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904707590305433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4281655713645593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bigtittedbitches,2020/01/17,"Finding a therapist I've finally decided to go to therapy, but the therapist I have my heart set on is not currently taking new patients. Aaaand I feel completely unmotivated now to go to therapy honestly. Should I just find another therapist in the mean time until he's taking new patients? Or wait however many months it will take for him to open his schedule up again? I'm afraid if I wait I'll talk myself out of any therapy....But if I start going to some random therapist I'm not really dead set on, I feel it will be a waste of time because I AM going to keep trying to schedule with my preferred doc and will just have to start over anyway. Any thoughts?",2.9402417302798973,5.098083526717558,4.971316793893131,78.8645069974555,76.32824427480917,9.252162849872773,28.47391857506361,9.725611199111238,3.119579643765903,526,23,99,16,12,181,82,131,0.055999999999999994,0.87,0.07400000000000001,0.5088,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,4,0,9,1,1,0,0,26,27,6,1,4,8,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,8,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,1,2,12,1,20,21,1,27,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,5,14,60,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736706095518437,0.13389676007603868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784018611988748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388319690632033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913036814464635,0.0,0.0,0.13988093409446906,0.2334173332361691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29028244866006986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131627264569508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349899511721327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294601916524056,0.0,0.13909460850810898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192296577586343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466524982951063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180310975934077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807628716110674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28802669170193257,0.10263442534057626,0.0,0.0,0.2920550920152828,0.5930435152541701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137361197814204,0.14891709186331542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669485151560302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AnonymousPineapplee,2020/01/17,DAE do mental tests on their friends or boyfriend/girlfriend in situations to see what they choose to do at any given time and when they do something that you don’t like it makes you really angry? For example test: if a girl walks past your boyfriend and you check to see if he was checking her out. And if you see him glance or look at her you just get really angry. I do this but I’m not jealous of the girl I just hate that the attention is on her. Idk how to explain . I get all quiet and then I explode in anger and feel like I can’t control myself and then feel guilty and sad later and realize how I overreact. It’s so exhausting.,3.0465909090909093,4.27444259848485,4.129212121212124,88.9688181818182,73.77272727272728,7.704242424242422,25.32121212121212,8.238735603445708,1.3518884848484856,501,16,110,8,10,163,83,132,0.20600000000000002,0.725,0.07,-0.9685,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,6,3,1,6,8,3,0,3,0,8,1,0,4,1,29,21,20,0,3,9,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,2,6,9,0,1,6,0,2,1,3,5,0,0,2,8,20,3,13,19,1,14,0,1,5,0,18,7,0,5,8,74,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398937146155126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539756836453926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289933141653065,0.16177130936189976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494971635682266,0.0,0.2366148058177221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235661138110737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22125774990220026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19015554132663506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115282050967327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282018270183141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21616598040191512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901310587426898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5413385480314384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545320252198129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17432729919603313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204104848303955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mesekhnet7,2020/01/17,"Parents? I’m new here, and this is my first post. But does anyone else feel like their BPD has originated or has been fanned into being by their parents? Like, I know for a fact that my mother had the same tendencies in the past and I swore to myself I would never act like her but then here I am. There was an instance when my mom wanted to gift me a refrigerator when I didn’t want one, and needless to say, after a lot of drama, there’s a refrigerator in my room 🙄. She made my childhood hell by not allowing me even small minor choices of my own, because if something went against what she wanted there’ll be hell let loose in the house. She kept saying nobody will like you or love you and you’ll never be able to keep a happy relationship. Any time I used to express something akin to anger or sadness, she would say, if you make life unpleasant for your future partner by expressing these emotions, he will leave you. Subsequently she blamed me for all my failed relationships and break ups. And even though I swore that I would never become her, I’ve started doing the exact same things I’ve seen her do to dad or to me. I’m terrified my SO who is also my FP will leave me. I keep trying to control how he feels and where he goes and what he exposes himself to, to make sure it’s all conducive for our relationship to continue. I get terrified of his single friends because I’m scared they’ll entice him back into that life. And in trying to control all that happens, I’ve realised I act more like my mom than I ever have. But I have something that she doesn’t, which is insight, so I hope I’ll be able to do something with that.",5.229652567975833,5.362404132930519,5.872959214501513,82.43372885196376,68.09365558912387,8.432688821752269,28.936706948640484,8.07648339933343,1.7576282779456198,1292,41,265,15,20,421,175,331,0.154,0.737,0.109,-0.9676,2,0,4,0,0,0,29.0,1,6,3,4,16,16,3,1,10,0,29,3,0,9,10,58,52,26,0,9,10,6,2,5,2,8,2,3,1,1,14,12,0,5,4,1,0,3,6,6,0,2,8,6,52,10,35,31,9,33,2,2,1,1,44,10,2,8,23,188,66,1,0.19053745517815734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618636703334297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478600166444533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661410943853249,0.0976140697523713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325577092839708,0.0,0.1161498641718846,0.105216824738347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998762735853268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21370395771096926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337030551782874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795847972845569,0.10716449571754223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584819214363518,0.08617601834190933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634146234803358,0.06805999802522968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103553101921829,0.0,0.0,0.0736043826110255,0.0,0.04977397809356877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424582117721778,0.10141533203336546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462334258782402,0.0,0.10992732061358483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935844482958662,0.0,0.0,0.0523572011904892,0.0,0.0,0.2017516535969975,0.0,0.0974187286136066,0.13458223945432368,0.2327174404535843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099406535429636,0.08598374618860442,0.09014557354625173,0.12718523087900718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22315516466136048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204313475423703,0.0920111307625494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455655538840886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21156929538776395,0.0,0.09094478036499838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124110632167264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068488803139951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272845479567093,0.09538061608057044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933700836279441,0.0,0.0,0.06743169573299977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978964829362718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329230938967872,0.0,0.09360104115051984,0.0,0.055551961188004526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936242485892907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228159242271184,0.0,0.0,0.1685758915789734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831506493161488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20302851205785905,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,merdeful,2020/01/17,"just started self harming hello! i've never been the one to self harm but things have gotten to different level recently and i've started cutting. honestly this may sound fucked up but i've really been really enjoying this!",3.0093495934959336,6.113563146341466,4.631097560975611,74.03087398373984,88.26829268292684,8.5869918699187,26.34552845528455,8.841846274778883,3.4765577235772347,183,8,27,6,6,61,30,41,0.239,0.588,0.17300000000000001,-0.3713,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,6,8,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,3,1,0,2,3,4,0,6,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,1,4,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965163650216989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623736314280633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188883142216736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19231396630024392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636261686330519,0.0,0.2802237139093969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5921421091783297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4017580176867007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885477777089818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,microwavesafehamster,2020/01/17,"Difficult relationships It feels like I have nobody in my life to support me. But I also feel like I don’t deserve to be supported, like I am a bad person who deserves to feel pain. I have been in an on and off relationship since May. It’s been on and off because i’ve made many mistakes that I keep making but it feels like I can’t control it. I don’t want the person I love so much to think that I am trying to hurt them or put them through any type of abuse. It feels so awful but I feel worse when we aren’t together. Sometimes I wish that I never got into a relationship with them in the first place because I feel so guilty for hurting them and losing their trust. I don’t realize when I do things that are wrong and they tell me that they can’t keep up with my constantly changing opinions and emotions... which I understand. I can’t keep up myself. I constantly feel like a horrible person for hurting her but I can’t let her go. I don’t really have anyone to talk about this because i’ve lost a lot of friends due to me constantly changing my emotions and doing impulsive things, many of my old friends feel betrayed by me or distrustful. I just want to feel okay, I want to be okay with her and I want her to trust me. I want to treat her right and fix the mistakes i’ve made in the past but no matter what, it feels like everything just destroys itself. I love her and care about her more than anything and I feel bad because she doesn’t even know who the person she’s in a relationship really is, and I don’t know who I am either. I am started therapy this month and my second appointment is on Monday but everyday feels so long until I get to talk to someone. I am afraid of making more mistakes and wrong decisions that I didn’t mean in the meantime.",3.900686813186813,4.701146947802197,4.968070329670329,85.37692967032969,71.28021978021978,8.24158241758242,27.746813186813178,8.488131031819089,1.7891298021978024,1395,48,295,22,25,459,154,364,0.21,0.619,0.17,-0.9794,1,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,1,0,7,4,12,35,2,1,12,3,31,4,0,5,1,71,72,29,0,9,11,0,13,6,2,1,2,0,0,4,22,18,0,4,20,0,0,2,14,17,0,2,7,13,61,18,42,61,5,34,0,5,0,2,35,16,0,5,22,208,83,1,0.0,0.08076250572957422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545102618035645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0463534625609529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04766144766709415,0.0,0.056092686200763686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138272158888081,0.1662071509903331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949714885065778,0.0,0.1442157189877314,0.0,0.0,0.22098132236021711,0.07645107082074537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334934437951694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045021295596445465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061260886082306974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4480511475682099,0.2434798019100769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579797696524267,0.0,0.0,0.1053257773601619,0.0,0.035612573253399636,0.0,0.03873884202625991,0.0,0.05451651327718805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189110505147968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817603370350698,0.0,0.0,0.07492166526188103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697017144678133,0.048145838897624166,0.1998072216751615,0.0,0.0,0.060322481120624,0.0,0.07625743069184507,0.07440842423033663,0.05795010155905555,0.12304029442802553,0.1289957509665242,0.0909992233876606,0.13821401703786124,0.0,0.07424994643076133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054407390984395995,0.0,0.050107956183863225,0.0,0.05257183112121365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715260422551931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253068403504266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506969659275283,0.0,0.2380706742588529,0.07121626534530359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852306327950328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733446368119502,0.0,0.0,0.2927280116091493,0.0,0.05821118766081849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563854848429735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05775464399131273,0.0,0.06741536464175428,0.0,0.04824641903000102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15470208094290006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095743489302174,0.059577832910139676,0.0,0.07795081049349807,0.0,0.09056949397452337,0.043676366782116165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0462784873540304,0.0,0.0,0.07096052342437795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20102275384163165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838456825085963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946434765106893,0.0,0.14905199710752196,0.0,0.0 bpd,mmorii,2020/01/17,"I just can’t stop Does anyone else almost wanna have sex everyday? I have been extremely promiscuous over the past 6 months. If I couldn’t find a hookup on a daily basis I would feel depressed and of course empty. I spent hours and hours on dating app seeking for hookups. Sex is the only way of me to verify my own existence and seek self-validation. I just wanna be filled. I also use it as a coping mechanism towards my jealousy issues. I am being constantly paranoid and feeling like my FP is having sex or talking to other guys all the time even tho he’s actually not (at least about the first part). So when I have sex with others, I feel more “balanced”. I haven’t had sex today, and I feel like I’m dying.",3.514755244755244,4.949241314685317,5.1583216783216805,81.23440559440563,72.91608391608392,7.717482517482518,24.88811188811189,8.296473431620573,1.5886699300699303,560,17,108,9,11,190,101,143,0.1,0.85,0.049,-0.6901,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,7,0,15,5,0,1,1,24,22,12,1,5,5,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,5,0,1,1,4,1,0,1,3,4,16,2,15,15,5,19,0,1,0,5,3,5,0,3,14,77,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.17126436012036358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17573961918014191,0.0,0.0,0.140348660296915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227148816858328,0.17982224969303387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896550087863096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115937235363688,0.0,0.1821430749016656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358273590931115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660916531169854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591722939366494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549557669727066,0.25075692448942144,0.0,0.0,0.16040539056382155,0.14928167148354626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737742929371108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456676797571431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317819657839424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714825487404764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008379674322352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347696477748094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19005125783179194,0.16753624804866396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18308656714079607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672729450585772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106163285989834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233646298149973,0.0,0.16635510757260558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515771352973212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393050946365223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246713849164371,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wooodchucks,2020/01/17,"aromantic/arospec borderlines i’m pretty sure i’m aromantic. romantic love is a super foreign concept to me. i don’t understand what people mean when they talk about loving their partner or spouse differently than they love their friends and family (forget the specific term). i (24f) only realized this last year. i realized that what i *thought* was me experiencing romantic love was actually just the idealization and fixation that tend to come with BPD. i still crave that level of love from another person almost constantly. i have a few friends but they’re almost all either married or engaged, and the ones i have who aren’t constantly talk about their hypothetical future spouses and it’s just this reminder that everyone around me will eventually find that one special person and i’ll still just be.....over here, forming one sided unhealthy emotional attachments. it’s not even just about me wanting someone to fixate on or to give me unreasonable amounts of attention. i just want someone in my life. all my friends have that in their partners; someone who they know is coming home at the end of the day, who they can go try new restaurants with, who they can celebrate good news with, and who they can fucking list as their emergency contact. i have my friends but at the end of the day they’re already that person for someone else, and if it comes down to it, i know they’ll always pick their partners over me. sometimes i think about just faking my way through a romantic relationship, even though i know that would be so toxic and manipulative. honestly the main reason i won’t do it is the idea sounds way too emotionally exhausting for me. i just feel like these two parts of myself can’t coexist. i’m wondering if there are any other aromantics here, i’d love to hear your experiences.",7.165415584415584,8.205531221212123,7.0943290043290075,72.18863636363639,64.06060606060606,10.770562770562773,35.714285714285715,10.712014347399686,4.0585194805194815,1453,66,248,37,21,463,179,330,0.042,0.747,0.212,0.995,2,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,1,13,2,23,21,1,0,12,0,22,9,0,3,3,59,50,19,0,6,16,2,1,1,7,4,2,2,1,6,24,15,0,0,15,0,0,4,5,3,0,4,3,4,40,18,32,42,9,30,0,0,0,7,43,10,1,8,15,174,64,0,0.0,0.0,0.08341587662244945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17119118514680318,0.0,0.09432899717364364,0.0,0.07112597510418768,0.0,0.0,0.05812914117313715,0.08963294007167373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609507400943515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765871562624446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22089963098986407,0.0,0.18474642129430774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025469633967436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930811450465342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140733797017723,0.19230636064184709,0.15141932129800015,0.0,0.0,0.11291709844035935,0.0,0.0,0.0816795361028107,0.0,0.08361556893378018,0.0805826729990462,0.0,0.04322111506943595,0.061066729413913175,0.0,0.0,0.07812691595288081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26416568010592223,0.07902462421210532,0.0,0.08199993691229042,0.04858009504828735,0.07169633400816411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634185749464504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574312926461583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649619983147302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409322567178532,0.06967738104415176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06037685453376796,0.04176107369503418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4628927106827999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311247487706274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825568467289979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376981255583687,0.0650111793136202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925662073772762,0.0,0.059260875302939865,0.2239127845354481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696360627563528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788738931438086,0.0,0.09177322993824136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897067591928588,0.0,0.08454162929783282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652843044016266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056362497226004,0.0,0.0,0.13741072286765232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05477195338468704,0.08398339139946012,0.06786134990963055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058035119191889216,0.0,0.08350126625170771,0.08898740365795395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083630772313797,0.13569964677895788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269911057524843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072234091921205,0.0,0.0,0.05504613744744121 bpd,prettydreamin,2020/01/17,"scared to make any decisions bc of my bpd dae feel like they can’t make decisions or speak up bc they don’t know if they’re genuinely in the right or if it’s their bpd?? i just feel like when i’m upset about something i stop myself from saying anything bc i don’t know if i’m overreacting. i don’t want to make any decisions bc what if i change my mind the next day?? my brain constantly wants different things and it’s absolutely terrifying and i don’t know how to tell when it’s what i truly want or if i am genuinely in the right :(",1.1628379446640302,3.0478633391304366,3.262924901185769,90.2897233201581,80.82608695652173,7.6600790513834,20.88932806324111,8.575989854853784,1.0939565217391314,424,12,99,10,11,144,60,115,0.138,0.77,0.09300000000000001,-0.7937,1,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,3,0,5,4,0,2,3,0,6,1,1,4,0,28,19,13,0,8,9,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,1,8,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,4,15,2,9,19,0,11,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,8,8,53,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236230597793129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530400348152286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4141635488565815,0.1835475757873221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739350124378663,0.0,0.0,0.1776800722466337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603757449762083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178435312821266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16627181829700888,0.2349239745617532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27108350332392417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606550327577964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292557391704732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601776222449305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486299147694054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808282958577844,0.0,0.13075372443851752,0.16461353273541082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657887904625378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746284084555022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371070200922867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923362703818798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29093828690931683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SeattleIsCool,2020/01/17,DAE feel like their loved ones are trying to make them feel bad? Is this common?,1.1156250000000014,3.6526993125000047,0.8049999999999997,103.54,87.125,3.2,8.0,3.1291,-2.39865,63,0,14,0,2,18,15,16,0.15,0.5589999999999999,0.29100000000000004,0.504,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,2,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3872391469296389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4690048936428088,0.3313264232988275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265807799646458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185819558199783,0.0,0.3095785253178813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142711316183877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148779810563891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aulei,2020/01/17,"Dealing with suicidal urges/waves of intense suicidality I have suicidal thoughts daily, but every week or two, I have a complete mental breakdown where I go from casually suicidal to ""I need to kill myself right now"". Tonight happened to be one of those breakdowns, but this one broke me to the point that I took the screen off the window, looked out, and was about to jump, but chicken out. I'm really sick of my unstable brain. I'm not going to be able to hold a job like this, or do have an enjoyable life when I'm constantly extremely fatigued, depressed, anxious, and suicidal. What do you guys do in your moments of extreme suicidality? I've been to therapy since I was six, two residential treatment centers, a number of acutes, ketamine and iron infusions, and so much more, and I still have the same thoughts and urges from almost 5 years ago. It drives me crazy. I don't know what to do anymore. I have so much planned to do with my life, but with this instability, I'll never be able to live out my dreams. Thank you.",6.144323181049068,6.572962243654826,6.505901015228428,77.65837774957701,66.15736040609137,9.815397631133672,34.18316412859561,9.725611199111238,3.1563133671742816,810,35,156,16,12,262,118,197,0.222,0.696,0.081,-0.99,1,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,3,0,1,7,8,1,0,8,0,17,5,1,0,1,27,30,15,7,1,7,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,1,8,12,0,1,3,2,0,5,3,4,0,5,6,2,18,4,27,21,4,24,0,3,2,0,5,9,0,3,11,107,26,1,0.21475146147453647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518210661772278,0.0,0.10752128394120443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130401244648653,0.10648787217182333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986682678902187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258141076925836,0.11603501899979445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069966353760877,0.0924825595448096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904686842234411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204820450535082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063188550182338,0.09495200407716986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655384440968492,0.0,0.11879533702273727,0.0,0.05901089349524832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516853081946968,0.05245835828057158,0.0,0.09481473745558884,0.0,0.0901685705504814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108209481541769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578670338036362,0.07961774378874048,0.08281478304840956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552114810665265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150477245005947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687876426230177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169828735860187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888223140560533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575039726966824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7047097298415471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885714647848408,0.12279350598579075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048867243975774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929838771461357,0.0,0.0,0.20978097325281897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613033439320221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691464501431827 bpd,SpaceCowboyBobRoss,2020/01/17,Borderline personality disorder or as I like to call it Horrifying and Continual Existential Crisis™️,6.9241176470588215,10.809341705882357,12.019117647058824,24.031029411764703,73.11764705882355,17.517647058823528,43.79411764705883,13.023866798666859,10.029729411764707,87,6,10,6,2,35,17,17,0.322,0.5529999999999999,0.126,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5572881582918785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6254951773075044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666337247714337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4765418644853893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,theheadwire,2020/01/17,"I can never find someone as intense as me I find it more than frustrating that I can never find long lasting friends. Sure, I kill them myself with my push and pull tactic due to the paranoia that the person truly does not like me and I'm just the scum of the earth, but it's so lackluster to a degree when this stuff happens. I'm going to apologize in advance if I don't make any sense. I have hard time explaining everything for someone who has English as their first language. Sometimes it feels like my 12th. My feelings are a little night and day, but they're mostly consistent with Things rather than People. I have some things that I absolutely adore and have plunged too much of my parent's money into, and then there are things I just don't really care about and don't want to hear about. People tend to get very annoyed with me in this regard, for more than one reason though. I could talk in circles and play for HOURS on a few things, I get so into it that it's all I can really think about, but not so much for the other person. On terms of people... I'm definitely the possessive type, but I'm pretty sure most of us on this thread are to a varying degree. I'm on the unhealthy side of it that 'you don't need anyone else BUT me, so don't leave', but sometimes I wish that was reciprocated. I've tried to date without diving into such intense feelings, but they just seem to die off. I like the chase, but when it's set in stone and you don't do things I like or want you to do... It goes no where. It feels like I just walk in circles until I've made at least a 6 foot deep circle hole of my own personal hell. My previous friends never quite understood me either. If they did, I never really felt that way, or maybe I did for a bit of time until I felt 'The Riftening'. You know, when the rift in the friendship happens. I'm a person that is all over the place, not all that bright, overshares and never stops talking, and wants a certain amount of commitment that almost sounds like a marriage. I just feel like I'll never find real happiness with people, and it just makes me feel worse and worse. On top of all that, I cannot be independent in any sense of the word. I could, without a doubt, never be able to live alone without me trying to hurt myself in some way, shape, or form. I can't drive, nor do I want to, and I can't really cook for myself besides maybe oven and microwaved foods. I can clean and do laundry, but the act of being alone and doing all those... I could never. Even if I did find a significant other, they'd have to be completely okay with my parent living with us since she's the only person left in my life that has not abandoned me. Not too many people are willing to take care of an 18 year old person who can't tell if their trans or if the bpd self image is just that bad. Not only to mention I have also this weird fear of adult men. Never been hurt by one in any shape, but if I'm alone with one I think I might just die on the spot. Can't tell if that's Just Me though, totally could be. The whole point of this vent is that... Is there anyone out there? I want to find someone who is just as intense as me. I may hate you one moment, but it doesn't last because ultimately I am loyal despite me trying to push you away, only to pull you back in because I can't afford to lose you... Or Anyone. I'm tired of feeling alone and I want to experience friends and love. Even though it really just seems unattainable. I have Generalized Anxiety, Major Depression, ADD, PTSD, and BPD, I feel like I'm unable to ever be happy or ever receive happiness from other people without wondering of ulterior motives or if they're going to leave me. The genetic cocktail was spiked at birth and I'm still suffering the aftereffects.",4.852572382144344,5.032292388235295,5.611989987484356,83.81778473091366,68.90849673202615,8.340703657349465,26.734112084550127,8.058908269544373,1.4678062856348215,2947,80,613,35,47,963,308,765,0.174,0.7190000000000001,0.10800000000000001,-0.995,3,4,0,0,0,2,87.0,2,8,6,6,41,40,5,2,32,1,60,6,1,6,21,157,112,66,3,21,49,2,11,8,3,3,2,2,2,9,45,32,3,2,26,3,1,11,34,15,0,5,10,14,78,25,96,88,24,86,1,6,1,1,45,36,1,26,44,435,123,2,0.04782278448147994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04788761067129616,0.19811992850253027,0.0,0.03824386347194336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975634000816888,0.0,0.03658429923161485,0.0,0.0,0.10031640853372288,0.04900009413648291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04493108025015023,0.03677276934194095,0.03993002748299347,0.0583046510897451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05221009466118764,0.0,0.12046224587697835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751703200075557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05014127966228155,0.0,0.0,0.1527304081322876,0.0,0.0,0.03084173971030484,0.0,0.041189694198486115,0.0,0.09926500009565636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04185004097180069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03994979994860285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317299624519047,0.08651689293916068,0.0,0.0,0.042980035061009766,0.04677985969576733,0.0,0.05381392806716799,0.19344509398187,0.13665842715605372,0.09183474543259854,0.0,0.2622549517996954,0.040678036049666064,0.0578275008222341,0.0,0.11084329398253598,0.0,0.04997086215786757,0.0,0.054357580994651815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457906075960316,0.15272473002479828,0.04283982154324252,0.047215098893809565,0.0,0.0,0.05389975376473654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04709580954790988,0.0,0.10239055976355783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05290882549376049,0.0,0.026282151677160484,0.07796390434884959,0.0,0.10127484740184,0.051959595266706855,0.0,0.03377864696702878,0.18691037500400867,0.04793099354671293,0.08445678970234846,0.042321659370844734,0.0,0.05350146324025545,0.0,0.0,0.04316193012070088,0.04525107498293067,0.06384415998279051,0.04848479738139115,0.09608882966152946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050732416962884885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703104983079892,0.03545998873271549,0.3319549161593748,0.0,0.0,0.04487844363160292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0501819676550734,0.0,0.12962382571216435,0.10911414772610224,0.0,0.0,0.10620308544340716,0.0,0.0,0.19892578385602053,0.2505420647906437,0.04996463122232488,0.0,0.045207989024991416,0.0,0.0,0.048652964419030165,0.0,0.0,0.05590227589127938,0.0,0.0,0.05086541791895137,0.0,0.054432798479859525,0.15318250155609284,0.04916978732046939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870721337875317,0.049889593975934135,0.0,0.0,0.03955950151009916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156027030106965,0.0,0.09459591335523304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03819133746211896,0.03998198918905528,0.0,0.0,0.054745646730350865,0.0,0.0,0.09014481682877573,0.0,0.035956782311110595,0.0768762853426672,0.08359844302272798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885666513429633,0.061285818592657935,0.1409569288305449,0.0,0.055771700423592696,0.05496525574566848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740559447871862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150498429341468,0.0,0.0,0.03945880560437615,0.16924270399678876,0.07591900070801623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053392431023480284,0.05499384202732037,0.18439783072041094,0.0518617697867585,0.0,0.0,0.09747100600281364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030796305274494395 bpd,Modern_Racist,2020/01/17,"I don’t know how to deal with all my built up anger. Always randomly out of nowhere I get to the point where I feel like days or weeks worth of anger has built up to the point where I can’t handle it. I used to punch things, whether a wall, my car, a tree. The pain after somehow made the anger go away. I know it’s not smart or healthy to react that explosively, but now that I’ve stopped I just feel anger building more and more with no way to release it. It is starting to eat me up inside and makes me want to drive my car into a canal. Does anyone else get these moments where you feel like you need to explode? If so, what do you do?",3.1646147607461472,3.4573045693430693,3.697031630170315,95.66911597729117,72.64963503649635,6.672830494728308,23.98134630981346,5.82211442006289,0.17672489862124866,494,12,122,2,9,155,85,137,0.166,0.778,0.055999999999999994,-0.9386,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,0,0,8,8,4,0,7,0,6,2,0,5,1,29,20,9,0,3,7,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,6,1,1,5,0,1,4,4,5,0,0,1,3,15,3,20,19,3,24,0,0,0,0,4,12,0,5,9,77,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643593576205377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811637033888266,0.2023910718290772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18558432693898705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738940336840032,0.20364298943731604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285833420607985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20212074957783954,0.16500953668443907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29962870940117003,0.2822284939856529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20640075352067108,0.0,0.11225987698003544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21711276035914534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930046860097284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18690604025583704,0.13185166474326612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646472120382786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101840230932121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734561541257443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981153750965805,0.0,0.0,0.16514249183465546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312290161491137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060101811636005,0.0,0.0,0.11650730086951055,0.15678875924901184,0.15844527631385666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SmellYeLater,2020/01/17,DAE crave the attention of older men? Like... WAYYY older men? Twice my age or more? I don’t even have daddy issues. I’m not sure why I’m like this. Like in a sexual way and also a non-sexual way... idk.. can anyone relate,-2.1835697399527203,-0.6993200425531914,1.5104964539007106,93.53444444444445,111.12765957446808,4.642080378250592,7.349881796690308,6.42735559955562,-1.0650359338061466,166,1,37,3,9,60,37,47,0.044000000000000004,0.8240000000000001,0.132,0.6063,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,2,5,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,6,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661987492666648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327528310713307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21985975083603232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474333614509296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48787540863449996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137292537180124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5284388448064399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003664813877601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,audiobook_junkie,2020/01/17,"BPD and childhood sexual abuse flashbacks I'm having debilitating flashbacks of child sexual abuse and no idea how to deal with them. I was triggered by a book I am reading. I was abused for many years growing up by my step-father. It started when I was about 9 or 10. I don't remember most of it, thank God, but last night I had two flashbacks that have me such a mental mess I don't feel like I'm able to deal with it. I'm on meds and see a DBT therapist weekly. I have borderline personality disorder and can't keep the nightmares, old and new, from swirling through my mind ALL. THE. TIME. Last night I had two flashbacks that have nearly broken me. I don't ever want to go there again, but my brain just won't stop. How do you deal with flashbacks? The doctors try to help, but without experiencing these things themselves, there's really no true help that I've found. Any help will be most appreciated.",2.982666666666667,5.0232878777777765,3.940833333333334,86.84625000000004,75.7777777777778,6.9444444444444455,24.583333333333336,7.865858978985527,1.2291666666666663,718,24,148,11,16,231,112,180,0.141,0.718,0.141,0.267,0,0,0,0,3,0,22.0,0,1,1,0,10,4,0,0,6,0,18,2,1,3,3,30,29,12,0,1,6,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,8,8,0,2,4,2,0,2,8,1,0,2,6,3,17,3,19,20,3,20,0,0,1,0,10,3,0,3,16,93,25,3,0.12336718075253147,0.43850980812319895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389391335260851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537664548491786,0.1377185736961054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.381558438963394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138947717370448,0.12627153701526098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111592677895055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06237815335751145,0.08813353857953676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352657460619397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011241181945974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480712623695783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392665307647568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965441863240748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011214358231772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060270972998688416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250749580383874,0.0,0.0,0.13703312667596546,0.0,0.12432510192797006,0.0,0.12456568453003553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914879192035628,0.0,0.23154348402846986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294531036062655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077194637391222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340056566369435,0.0,0.07903217498727555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975096679800042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830767065703147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731992550403643,0.0,0.0,0.10314048712579904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357992513347065,0.0,0.14323880537831488,0.08195967313010223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193639518938855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375821769654229,0.0,0.24102361928550745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727651595412807,0.0,0.0989577110060512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892155987732887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794444196527286 bpd,pestiter,2020/01/17,"My brother has BPD and is refusing to seek help and I don’t know what to do So my brother was diagnosed probably 12ish years ago. He started some treatment and then stopped. Since then he is convinced the doctors are wrong. He refuses not only medication, but also talk therapy. Normally he’s okay, but when it’s bad it’s really bad. Right now, it’s really bad. He moved across the country to start a fantastic job, but in the process he cut out his entire support system. He won’t talk to us. He’s in India right now for a month for work, but from what I hear he’s spiraling. I broached the topic of going to talk therapy again a while ago and how much it’s helped me and he just told me it’s for people that are weak. It’s not necessary. They’re just trying to take your money etc etc. I’m trying to be supportive but it’s hard when he’s 1. Living across the country 2. Across the world for 6 weeks and 2. He won’t respond when I try and reach out. If anyone has some advice on how else I can help or broach the topic that would be great. Thanks!",0.3990419580419555,2.6717789181818183,2.4063636363636363,92.88108391608395,87.0909090909091,5.930069930069928,19.825174825174827,7.321109707123232,0.5546783216783222,822,25,181,14,26,274,122,220,0.11800000000000001,0.747,0.135,0.6239,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,1,0,1,12,12,1,0,10,1,15,4,0,2,0,30,26,24,0,3,11,2,1,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,11,9,0,3,1,0,1,2,5,6,0,0,2,2,12,6,21,19,5,31,0,0,0,0,28,11,0,4,17,105,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483244327575275,0.2083365492613687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397518525145523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216789326766405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943555950535348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800363828827545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927332494733447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027963940259828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816711780918183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26211634393830197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678540398436646,0.0,0.0,0.1295586098655919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526865750943244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244580660018626,0.0,0.23629966569864486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661362121351235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458212765245225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037662220481994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838208730798146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937978369143079,0.12489783015970805,0.0863856512360839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513788961299595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937400945067274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146878868063334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669899951294974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056380453377508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007110941365879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720805236097872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635275693235432,0.0,0.0,0.09824621520050164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667049512215696,0.0,0.0,0.08835522805408554,0.2833577403269257,0.0,0.10819027598259827,0.26877294712051963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228880492019888,0.0,0.2393510475839109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413537927570929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426192218184402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555093786522001,0.0,0.0,0.08347793607927435,0.12848212957365393,0.0,0.07567458490050707 bpd,chien_rouge-,2020/01/17,"Getting progressively harder to cope So currently i’m undiagnosed bpd i have my assessment next month but i feel 110% this is what i’m struggling with. I find it extremely hard to cope with separation anxiety i.e. my bf will tell me he can’t make it to see me (he comes to see me daily) and i flip out crying hysterically and begging him to help me. I would appreciate if anyone could suggest some good coping skills to help until i can start therapy",2.291704545454543,4.957757488636368,4.469272727272728,78.69390909090913,82.06818181818181,8.065454545454546,24.70909090909091,8.841846274778883,2.331814545454546,361,14,68,10,10,124,64,88,0.12300000000000001,0.7290000000000001,0.149,0.5515,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,1,0,14,16,6,0,3,2,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,13,1,10,13,1,7,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,2,5,40,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625757942984496,0.0,0.0,0.16110305710935224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901843730357797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19847168759090064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839579587974321,0.0,0.2530867546591871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649862350089304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105840664281444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037599996389757,0.0,0.0,0.193251011886038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20639573278728493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088683995986947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379571750241386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839053878126654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24503608629482865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672025443101447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308035069774626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408671253931825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20138228038759998,0.0,0.26348578336038536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636716017501044,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fourleafwitch,2020/01/18,"I think I’m accidentally destroying my relationship Okay but for real...who else has told their significant other that they will change for the better and even though you really are trying super super super hard to make progress on your problems, your significant other still is upset because they don’t “see the actions” they only “hear the words” coming out of my mouth. “Sorry doesn’t mean anything unless you take action” IM TRYING I’m trying so hard but it seems like I just can’t do anything right no matter what I do.",5.8037755102040816,7.3451787653061285,6.365918367346943,74.3576530612245,67.46938775510203,8.048979591836735,25.22448979591837,8.418075326091056,1.7705959183673463,421,11,70,6,7,137,72,98,0.14800000000000002,0.5710000000000001,0.282,0.9667,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,4,4,5,5,9,1,1,3,1,9,1,1,1,0,14,20,6,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,1,4,13,6,7,18,0,7,0,0,1,0,11,3,0,1,2,46,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014174815172681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164053697294776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16197258194835695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19373799757468307,0.15775902483564566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299009718311518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096234333256363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281152080681294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064122618191336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19782279144993312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947302762837693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224747374089252,0.0,0.0,0.1994933151877423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392863384059155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17524039209608366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084535877550464,0.11732427111009315,0.0,0.0,0.19662398523977745,0.0,0.15640068937021326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593899011667472,0.16672391635545047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050104065512288,0.0,0.0,0.14625596216751688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376986024272022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734881469369425,0.17993426974321805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499826378431454,0.0,0.3730204252499501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GambaBuffalo,2020/01/18,"How To Heal From BPD (Solution) Hey Everyone, After long suffering and painful days, and a lot of research, I have realized that there is healing from BPD, that there is a key to the lock and here it is. I have came across this book that analyses and makes sense of what Borderline Personality Disorder is exactly and why we do what we do. This book gets to the core of the problem, explains it and then shows a path toward healing. As I was going through the book, I realized that there is no eBook copies available online which meant that the majority of us might not even know that this book exist. Anyway, I went and scanned the whole book. You can find it in the link below. Your healing process will start from here, Enjoy your life [https://drive.google.com/open?id=1vXkCA-hXscMRi5IOKQsktTiWgdzODwFD](https://drive.google.com/open?id=1vXkCA-hXscMRi5IOKQsktTiWgdzODwFD)",11.194014084507039,12.180006394366202,8.03531690140845,69.0680457746479,55.478873239436616,10.198591549295775,33.94718309859155,9.827888789773867,3.0442788732394366,716,23,115,11,8,201,88,142,0.096,0.882,0.022000000000000002,-0.8677,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,3,3,0,0,8,4,0,0,10,0,13,6,0,2,1,24,22,10,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,15,10,0,0,7,6,0,3,2,3,0,0,4,1,11,1,17,16,3,12,0,1,1,0,9,4,0,2,5,86,26,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5172085432939717,0.0,0.0,0.23484129798290776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324200055551773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23532444434580854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356176498521301,0.0,0.0,0.1962003430884501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18766668428556665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072757553026573,0.0,0.1166930148054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284326707188867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450297117164832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817094113896271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456309237692988,0.0,0.0,0.1370584814442555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21782127075692087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21848418133432196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17928507450731135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19647180668364933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453326892517597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469851082261049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903417339343897,0.18527718759465472,0.2292421270377098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwawayy9719,2020/01/18,"Psychiatrist questioning BPD diagnosis I have been diagnosed with bpd for years and I thought that I had a good idea of my mental health and my symptoms because of it. However my most recent psychiatrist thinks I don't have it because I'm too quiet, I'm not outgoing and changing myself a lot. However I struggle with so many of the other symptoms fear of abandonment, emotions being intense, impulsivity often self destructive, lack of identity and more. I don't know how I feel. I thought I knew myself and symptoms well and now everything is up in the air again.",7.774857142857139,8.043847200000002,8.429285714285715,65.79821428571431,62.71428571428571,11.952380952380953,40.35714285714286,11.538034831475384,5.075571428571429,456,24,75,13,6,153,68,105,0.17600000000000002,0.763,0.06,-0.904,2,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,1,2,4,0,8,5,0,1,0,23,16,8,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,4,8,0,1,8,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,5,2,14,2,10,10,4,7,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,4,4,58,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197672663007054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084081199227176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151792236327953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16456417883387647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823806803333509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571698531509888,0.0,0.0,0.18244757955130148,0.08198060994779648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599161390370265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723425167625197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18303131020844005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910546267711722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378418537163181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438000802002448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633945081615601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18162893185666948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600893037254792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691427478467172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16949928902768635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5055627772750017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388991906606816,0.0,0.25743504527982364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577933868571036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440998377671803 bpd,ACasualImplosion,2020/01/18,"I know what's wrong with my mind, but I can't seem to do anything to fix it I'm feeling pretty burned out. I've tried therapy, meditation, journaling, volunteering, medication, supplements, exercise, psychedelics, one-night stands, relationships, EMDR, the psych ward, animals. Nothing seems to work, and it feels like I have run out of options. People say that suicide is impulsive and a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but after thirteen years of fighting against my mind, it feels like anything but. Psychedelics seemed to be helping, before I fucked up my last trip by taking too much, and I hope they'll do something if I go back to them. I've also thought about changing careers, but I suspect that if I can't get my mind together, then it doesn't matter where I work or what I do.",9.383877551020408,8.149635278911564,8.734693877551024,69.84244897959185,60.15646258503403,12.20952380952381,42.768707482993186,11.20814326018867,4.833274829931971,634,32,111,14,7,201,100,147,0.158,0.703,0.139,-0.6074,0,0,1,0,2,1,27.0,0,0,2,2,5,7,2,0,3,0,10,3,0,0,0,29,24,12,1,4,7,0,3,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,8,6,0,0,9,1,0,3,3,4,0,0,1,4,16,3,16,21,1,13,0,0,0,1,6,4,1,8,7,68,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115327128688814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373501144899553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089093823518444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271468876501734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525582911579444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187553625194694,0.20605167187932455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333226463478309,0.07534536952574436,0.0,0.08195960305085104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966629714792336,0.0,0.0,0.1432361042076701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925572401738296,0.11755288840676935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091042924556824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452794818215756,0.0,0.0,0.4368422277696758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601318944265213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533418368812494,0.0,0.13837631656966892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772249893116992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997917483379157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467165233649093,0.0,0.13799241808371104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548308517913843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468401032829847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938584494434458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102225603302747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15774567641250706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843027048957307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649201976974021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448905761834867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979111985525799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20997764450755732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767433766590214,0.0,0.09286847977943426 bpd,NordicKitten,2020/01/18,"Trapped in my head. I don't know why it happens. I seriously thought I'm getting better but now it seems like my thoughts are spiralling out of control again. They are so intrusive and I can't do anything about it. I try not to hurt myself to keep myself from doing bad things because I've promised I won't. But I've been drinking probably too much, almost every evening this week, I think. I really don't want to make it a habit but I don't know how else to cope with the things that are going on in my head without blowing my brains out. I can't really tell people about what's going on either, except one or two. I suppose it makes it easier but I don't want to worry them. I feel so trapped and it seems like there is only one way out. Even when I could never do it. Sorry if this doesn't make much sense. I just need to get it out of me.",1.1079509803921541,2.9316296055555564,2.830522875816996,93.62794117647059,80.7222222222222,5.568627450980394,21.1437908496732,6.522977012572876,0.2025751633986932,659,19,149,6,17,218,106,180,0.099,0.7709999999999999,0.13,0.6864,0,2,1,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,2,2,13,7,0,0,2,0,17,4,3,5,1,38,38,12,0,5,11,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,15,7,1,2,8,1,0,2,11,3,0,3,3,1,23,4,22,33,3,16,0,1,0,0,3,8,0,5,7,106,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830740963637642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366114018310945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532458167081625,0.08419678022074421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221560756859929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418780084124914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549135273465877,0.11027772541460727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353051942662946,0.0,0.0,0.1153816878505196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245415353073702,0.0,0.11637220938505186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983771345146353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443241875187928,0.0,0.15699376344070015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213921971837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28350230631496515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786051019877472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276756291976272,0.0,0.0,0.1518144784081801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134957087222475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27658887958225903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20306845037582252,0.10241436393686393,0.10652679825965736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18718761815519627,0.1050466214199312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575514240298466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891691575576615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696664915915258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25147885030906186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461423432191027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072312589859642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18352182161694072,0.08850183479791028,0.0,0.2193039907371426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377453630553877,0.0,0.13492334697873007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16293372239375709,0.10963337054109644,0.11079167774403399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463197993770328,0.0,0.0,0.13314292544560974,0.0,0.0,0.14026774809925324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,one_moody_girl,2020/01/18,"Monthly Town Hall Hello r/bpd. This is your opportunity to subvert rule ten and make meta comments, so go right ahead and tell everyone what you think!",3.59059523809524,6.4384863928571425,4.064285714285717,82.54738095238098,77.92857142857143,6.590476190476192,27.190476190476193,7.793537801064563,1.8144619047619053,121,5,22,2,3,38,27,28,0.0,0.894,0.106,0.4753,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5225675291717977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39646649244196797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358042271695656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769571884649032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311790469805771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543328453049036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626516465383707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26585905452852593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sabomination,2020/01/18,"I feel like my psychiatrist is uncertain about diagnosing me with BPD. Hello. I feel like I exhibit all the characteristics of someone with BPD. I have been put on different kinds of medication like mood stabilizers and anti-psychotics, for obvious reasons, one of which is in relation to my difficulty of regulating emotions. I am also pretty unstable when it comes to relationships and I have serious abandonment issues to a point where I just shut myself down and refuse to deal with it maturely.. I have also been diagnosed with PTSD, depression, and anxiety. But I am positive that I have BPD. This is literally eating at me. I want to have the proper label so I can be free.",4.9921286031042085,7.558373756097562,7.094486326681447,64.11472283813751,71.60162601626016,11.62719881744272,32.320029563931996,11.20814326018867,4.8842747967479685,544,26,87,22,11,191,81,123,0.146,0.7090000000000001,0.145,0.1935,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,7,10,0,1,3,0,14,4,0,1,2,20,18,9,0,1,2,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,9,1,2,3,0,1,2,0,4,0,1,2,2,17,6,19,15,1,10,0,2,0,0,4,7,0,1,4,71,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413041939072857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541648821939955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5700531241880911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996266751658794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554216623639305,0.1299456311879286,0.3062633338156958,0.0,0.1576288843022224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543794820412308,0.0,0.16971043023540547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257059640058068,0.2155656398948896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747092623908476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15710972776603646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211249724727353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519874319719525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223461339620923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262258516125065,0.0,0.0,0.15349082564509722,0.0,0.0,0.1763610210488286,0.15166779613262854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551213033518816,0.0,0.1619798147594141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278331579377468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898807668101433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,heyyallwhatisupimsad,2020/01/18,Empathy and BPD Do people with bpd tend to lack empathy? I’ve never gotten any clear answer on this so I thought it was best to ask here.,0.9440229885057472,3.0358190344827563,3.235172413793105,89.08540229885055,82.79310344827587,6.625287356321839,20.011494252873558,7.793537801064563,0.8240252873563212,108,3,23,2,3,37,25,29,0.13699999999999998,0.7340000000000001,0.129,0.1818,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,6,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,4,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099783544562067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886639966353501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32404149486833217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7777854444033755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23814718425977946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140664876276584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451337538732821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tragicxharmony,2020/01/18,Halsey just Did That.... ....wrote another album that perfectly describes how I’ve been feeling for the past 6 months. I’m blown away y’all,2.4679487179487194,5.20927553846154,2.7669230769230784,90.66141025641028,82.07692307692307,6.5435897435897425,24.051282051282055,7.793537801064563,1.416758974358974,108,4,21,2,3,33,24,26,0.0,0.778,0.222,0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,5,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5388852285493014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4828405451562803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598511267590258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41020246251931375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4905905115977162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cymonesunshine,2020/01/18,"First Date Anxieties So I’m on tinder bc I’m lonely, bored, and really want a bf lol I’ve been going on a few first dates w guys I really like and then get ghosted, I’m starting to expect it at this point. I also think I’m a terrible first-dater, if I really like someone this is what I’ll do: Idealize the hell out of them and envision our whole life together, claim them in my head, compliment them too much, stare into their eyes like a puppy while they’re talking, overshare, possibly hookup w them even though my profile says I don’t. Just went on a date last night w a guy I’m super into but I think I was just a booty call and I’ve felt like crying ever since the date ended. And I keep getting caught in negative thought loops saying “what if he’s going to ghost me? What if he didn’t really like me? Did he really think I was pretty? Was I being too much?” And then I try to forget about him, works for a few mins then I’m back to thinking about him again and the loops start again 😑 It’s driving me crazy bc I feel like I can’t get the confirmation from him (that I know I’m prematurely placing on him) to calm the anxiety. I NEED words of affirmation in all my relationships so I don’t have to guess where I stand, otherwise my mind will wander. I keep getting the urge to text him but I don’t want to look clingy or desperate. It’s making me think, if I’m this attached and we’ve only been on one date, I can’t imagine how I’ll be if we actually were together. Love will make me even more crazy and obsessed lol. Advice welcome. :)",0.6657011393514479,2.7925253159509253,2.919258545135847,90.72271779141104,84.18404907975459,6.425100788781773,19.43698510078878,7.6583078777640585,0.6128700438212094,1207,33,268,22,35,411,168,326,0.113,0.723,0.16399999999999998,0.9583,0,2,0,0,0,0,32.0,2,0,5,5,18,17,1,1,14,2,20,4,2,3,2,49,57,26,2,10,10,0,2,6,1,2,1,2,0,2,10,13,0,2,10,0,0,5,7,5,0,3,12,7,40,12,26,41,7,42,1,1,3,1,25,15,1,7,27,158,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.1017807065162132,0.0,0.0,0.10191970341801528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340781347377088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957678588711335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019943613795028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650086480808488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114567472757075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237789091200582,0.0,0.0,0.1377769139685281,0.09434434983136168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273667083901185,0.07451117360444745,0.10014332525625687,0.0,0.0,0.2661498396310533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21796753631048035,0.0,0.11855096647893465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489702580036094,0.2065446692711117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107040788360173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18541135542493986,0.0,0.0,0.05731996210022456,0.08501754531660187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366941594928579,0.30573112153177145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758482951967493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413385285501896,0.0,0.1392406860551838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531218302097473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334342285849198,0.07733633209338664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978774766875734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067565156360624,0.07932403314468922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897017881927014,0.0,0.09859619750203956,0.11758136791095733,0.0,0.10610950392565736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340828137463007,0.0,0.0,0.11197801378587023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658853844822121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627714941745765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837214157273504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764663335256892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383152597960761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341527020089023,0.1024731652818745,0.08280169697440193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081212442132909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303641774334802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668614936733093,0.0,0.11644602619671796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593086035292422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nurmy,2020/01/18,"Recently diagnosed with BPD but serious doubts My therapist just diagnosed me with BPD, and I am still reeling. His two reasons were: 1) That I struggle with SI and SH (and have for many years)- which is accurate, no denials or refutations here. No hospitalizations or ER trips though. 2) That my relationships contain a lot of anger, frustration, paranoia, and seeing people or myself as ""bad"". It's really this second one that I take issue with. From looking around this sub and at BPD criteria, I can see that relationship issues and ""splitting"" are hallmarks of this disorder. However, I don't think that instability or desperation to avoid abandonment characterizes my relationships. I have many long lasting, stable professional and personal relationships. While those relationships sometimes involved feel frustrated, angry, or hurt by the other person (or knowing that I have angered or hurt someone), I wouldn't say these conflicts characterize my relationships. I definitely do not see people or myself in binary terms (bad or good). People around me would describe me as even keeled and level headed. My question for you all: have you doubted your diagnosis? Only fit one or two criteria of BPD and still feel that your diagnosis is warranted? Is it possible that I am in denial? I am very upset and hurt by this diagnosis, mostly because I feel that my processing and exploring trouble spots in my relationships has been grossly misunderstood. However, I've been seeing this therapist regularly for two years, and I'm willing to entertain the idea that my shock and hurt is a result of facing some hard truths about myself.",8.586989247311827,10.087914383512548,8.725967741935486,60.10895161290327,61.07885304659497,12.364874551971324,38.79749103942653,11.958738252310605,5.493660931899642,1319,65,190,43,18,432,160,279,0.27399999999999997,0.6709999999999999,0.055999999999999994,-0.9974,2,1,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,4,0,0,9,22,4,5,4,0,22,4,2,2,2,55,34,28,0,2,13,0,4,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,21,19,0,4,9,1,0,2,5,19,1,6,3,10,31,3,25,28,5,19,0,5,5,0,17,8,0,16,9,147,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276536841891498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452487214678587,0.04545688846323562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756708099621086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513729902455664,0.0,0.0,0.08546313257728379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04925246597884375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311377261342476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254537710088334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667996447377285,0.0,0.07652984284816111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31931286220690136,0.08417991366998515,0.0,0.15566241433193506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040981459112878746,0.060784113066536485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599168037686477,0.06261961764023832,0.0,0.0,0.06339634094699996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120358225528396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106047592165616,0.05671348168904294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509135206531216,0.13022246060617934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406593174387972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353493064248968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04777114523530318,0.07666988812083689,0.07362840681057117,0.5604183181137039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05930067687148133,0.0,0.0,0.23768901784406266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318251397738424,0.0,0.07375116396542575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910263314020104,0.0,0.0,0.07795625514140336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606700022943722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731619249036358,0.0,0.047781138692630565,0.0732641767247427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21853076276618072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061527665176821664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05297204890291946,0.0,0.0,0.09604065458089454 bpd,midazo-lam,2020/01/18,"Personality Disorder: Things I am scared to ask my therapist I know a lot of us struggle with our personalities; a critical feature of BPD is not having a stable personality that we are secure in. I am at an age where this issue of having a less than great as well and shifty/unstable personality is completely destroying my chance at improving my social skills. So I was wondering, what has worked for you? Is it completely bonkers to ‘steal’ someone’s personality who you admire, if you can pull it off? Is it better to try and try in therapy to discover your own personality? I feel like I need rules to run by. My anger and sensitivity overwhelms me often and I’m working on that. I just want to see what you all do to cope, keep/make friends etc",5.2314583333333315,6.4397414513888895,7.070444444444441,70.01899999999999,68.5138888888889,10.76,31.761111111111113,10.793553405168565,3.6598327777777775,595,25,112,18,10,208,100,144,0.135,0.6970000000000001,0.168,0.6536,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,3,5,0,4,5,13,2,3,5,0,13,0,0,0,1,17,21,7,0,3,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,10,6,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,6,1,0,1,2,20,7,21,20,5,10,0,1,1,0,18,7,0,4,2,85,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145959382612112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490550966163725,0.0,0.0,0.1636322944015081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27244162934653765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890194393087655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489744730199952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569250045631547,0.09281635014377564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037746615873956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323953679087414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356048824330102,0.0,0.11548070210993205,0.0,0.0,0.07140176989783498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06347335899038985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045509473428827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633556594506036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6806576219349612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007465348120525,0.0,0.10353106579610992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243918514891814,0.11008254518595717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582275283005166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485772056654564,0.15084953274821392,0.08631444784266543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764171094554437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628024890946687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663140088442258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168155406410196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089493882750068,0.18916962330102086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BoyPrefersDeath,2020/01/18,"Self-Starving I’m new to this, long time sufferer but only recently diagnosed so I’ve been researching about BPD lately. I learnt today that not eating is a form of self-harm. I thought I had stopped self-harming back in my teens, turns out I was wrong. I don’t eat when I’m feeling down and have done so for a good few years, now I know what it really is I can at least try to notice when it happens now and push myself to have a bite. I hope you are all managing to notice any self-destructive behave and push yourself to do better, you all deserve better.",3.737413043478263,4.586642513043479,4.894510869565217,85.5748097826087,71.69565217391305,8.184782608695654,26.54891304347826,8.472884824447931,1.6692826086956525,439,14,92,7,8,145,81,115,0.075,0.7709999999999999,0.154,0.877,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,2,10,6,0,0,3,0,12,3,0,0,2,13,20,8,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,2,1,3,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,5,1,12,4,12,15,5,19,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,13,61,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771199299814226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048632717146603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541587046743997,0.0,0.0,0.18096857196166385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458391397567996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147041546245574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940550613942221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265239444115988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051772218227184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706181702070818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271347437507334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896654130046486,0.0,0.16208503824110573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715835079500934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877366612910505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32717688815393475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928033288799062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204948273812416,0.0,0.14187344114029468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5995869336052261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012865001901475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140713179894456,0.08378496439323121,0.0,0.13619834376260018,0.0,0.0,0.09755394705099836,0.15629004450421324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570990266215606,0.0,0.09252962779578726 bpd,Unusual-Tomatillo,2020/01/18,"I don't feel ready to graduate DBT I've been in DBT for close to a year and I've made a lot of progress. I feel like I'm way closer to where I want to be than I was before I started. But I'm graduating soon and I don't know if I'm ready yet. I can't tell if it's because I genuinely have a lot more to learn or if I'm just scared of being without a therapist. The rule at the place I go to is that once you finish group, you can still see your individual therapist every other week, and even that sounds scary to me. A part of me thinks it's just because I've been in therapy for so long though. I've been seeing therapists pretty much nonstop for the past five years. The thought of not having someone to go to when shit gets rough is terrifying because I don't feel like I have that support from other sources yet. So my options are to repeat group, which is a major time commitment and might not be what I need; graduate and see my individual therapist every other week; or graduate and start seeing a new therapist at a different practice. The thought of seeing someone new is also terrifying. And I feel like I can't be as honest with non-DBT therapists because they don't tend to handle suicidal ideation very well even if you're not actively suicidal. That's been one of the best things about DBT, that I can be totally honest with my therapist and don't have to worry about being hospitalized. Anyway, I'm starting to ramble, but has anyone else been through this?",5.254732373569581,5.304626169435217,6.416716500553707,78.84201088962719,68.03654485049832,9.87825765965301,31.007936507936506,9.725611199111238,2.7202246585455887,1171,43,239,24,18,395,145,301,0.08900000000000001,0.8390000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.6997,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,1,2,18,10,1,1,14,0,32,1,1,1,2,43,61,22,2,6,14,0,5,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,14,11,0,0,9,0,0,2,11,2,1,2,9,11,24,8,35,45,8,30,0,0,5,0,7,8,1,10,22,163,38,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345371221318716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055481219202911804,0.08130030780066139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934766111511263,0.0,0.06751839427336323,0.0,0.08326970897750975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290065497031547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628417944156598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481579943741426,0.0,0.13370642348174888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604807700924832,0.17005639051011373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04145549662805872,0.0,0.09018937910313528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04360699828586464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162947078476802,0.0,0.0,0.0702195372094726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491584686584004,0.0,0.0750799848297421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417455491137728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058329124206736686,0.058834744083303525,0.0,0.15326752118949424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450189212404652,0.05376753409567362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592499418733557,0.0757456241225748,0.0,0.0,0.08290065497031547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072435476683541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794401203150196,0.0,0.31614615542195385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144848463050801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134460794630056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848649889879988,0.0,0.06336656175273354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358532840893715,0.09004195722180566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935271522614747,0.0,0.09074013098054268,0.6448953195097218,0.05271457534604605,0.050842309624144544,0.07795795703738469,0.12598520046876593,0.04626783367369485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546952812267609,0.04680087582971449,0.06298190069072564,0.12729464415066852,0.0,0.07134242033193285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648761017472057,0.0,0.0,0.08058066022504809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219364440262843 bpd,constellae,2020/01/18,"I relapsed. So after 7 years of being self-harm free I ended up relapsing. I don't know what happened? I remember having a great day with my boyfriend and when I get home I just started feeling numb all over and started getting dark thoughts. Suddenly, I just started hurting myself just to feel something. What just happened??? I'm so confused I thought I was getting better but I regressed?",2.0185927770859284,4.871160821917812,2.8392777085927783,86.52648816936487,91.46575342465755,4.298381070983811,32.66376089663761,6.1124844417494595,2.1210383561643837,312,19,51,3,11,98,53,73,0.085,0.78,0.135,0.513,0,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,16,18,6,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,6,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,3,2,12,4,6,14,1,11,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,9,36,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857580089137679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13545455734377432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860277867577312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21239900717147345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292022958461288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315632316531693,0.0,0.0,0.3714647533944511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21068123182756865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248457460446046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154291961125082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379275836287199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21911127360344335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169443814151138,0.0,0.0,0.4459894486707582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33348707739181405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525501278342608 bpd,gltichy,2020/01/18,How to cut off fp without wanting to die I keep obsessing over this person even though theyre toxic as hell and a total creep my brain keeps yelling love!!! But I hate them??? They make me feel scared cos theyre just like my abusers but I keep going back to them I don't know how to be safe or healthy any advice on how to not go back to them? It's making all the people I care about hate me cos I keep doing the same shit over and over,-0.3045550239234416,1.7550845157894734,1.0687081339712918,102.78277511961723,88.05263157894737,3.8755980861244015,14.952153110047849,4.851557810540192,-1.2995263157894734,339,6,84,1,11,107,66,95,0.217,0.622,0.161,-0.7440000000000001,0,0,0,0,2,0,7.0,0,0,4,0,9,11,5,2,3,0,3,3,2,7,2,26,18,10,1,1,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,5,2,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,0,2,14,4,14,17,3,9,1,0,0,1,6,5,2,1,3,53,16,0,0.0,0.19815722471540492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16342925802227584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137319033634728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572011868612509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18670002255263446,0.0,0.0,0.17051677653479289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17357324655764836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104633258699977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456377615656659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19009765373837734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33023837177823434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5946179046797793,0.0,0.0,0.09191312927475448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817071489787188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094456921422453,0.0,0.22327382483816174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159461847735575,0.1460313287431362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674407855420601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167393747217422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16431673962515256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864505972433936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121759988659862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,viraen,2020/01/18,"Saw my boyfriend (26M) deleting texts before showing me, now he is mad at me for not trusting him and wanting to download his last Whatsapp Backup to show me he's not lying Hey there, it's my first time posting on reddit, so I hope I'm doing nothing wrong..and I'm german, sorry for some misspellings and grammar So him and I had a fight two days ago, but it's all good now, but today morning I had a feeling in my gut that he's got something to hide. (I can trust that to a 100% chance) Then I decided to spy in his phone when he was showering..I know, you don't do that, cause you break trust of your s/o..but as I said I had that feeling. So I looked into the text of him and his bestfriend and what I found was...disgusting..like I feel betrayed and lied to? Yesterday: My boyfriend wrote something like ""I'm gonna look how it goes, maybe I'm single by today's evening"" Bestfriend: ""It isn't worth it for a bit of sex, it's probably better if you fap 😂"" (Like what does he know about our sexual activities..?) Then a memo how my boyfriend reads my texts to him out loud to his bestfriend Today: A memo from my boyfriend to him in what he said it was a joke that I have a fear that he's gonna find a better girl than me if he drives 200 kilometers away for a weekend (keep in mind, alone) to drink and party with an 18-year old guy and his young friends that I totally don't know So later I asked him if he talked with his bestfriend, he said yes, yada yada I get him to the point that he wants to show me the messages between them, I said yes. So he's like..20 seconds on his phone, scrolls up and down in the chat, then I saw it in the corner of my eye. He holds a message, taps something and I see that a message is gone. I read the messages, scrolled up and down and the messages I mentioned earlier weren't there anymore. I feel devastated. I asked him if he got something to hide and he got furious. I asked him if he could download the last Backup made and he got even more angry and now guilttrips me into thinking I'm the total asshole now for not trusting him and I'm on a trip with him and his parents, 4 hours away from home...I don't know what to do, I know I'm an asshole for looking through his phone, but I knew I can totally trust the feeling in my guts.. I'm crying in the hotelroom, thinking about what a fucker I am for that, for not trusting him.. I just want the lies to end and wanna find a person that I can trust? Sorry if this isn't the thread for something like this",2.9407677316785445,3.6553308576850116,4.026344940766194,91.56444586901894,73.44022770398482,6.68401456484948,26.956715729011744,6.5153245180268975,0.8963564182778612,1930,67,441,13,37,628,218,527,0.11599999999999999,0.764,0.12,0.3626,2,1,6,0,1,0,74.0,1,4,1,3,19,21,4,1,30,2,22,6,3,4,4,74,72,39,0,12,14,1,5,3,1,2,0,5,0,3,26,24,1,2,17,9,1,3,10,5,0,3,21,17,70,16,62,48,8,52,0,0,7,2,70,23,1,8,27,271,96,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439834593549352,0.0,0.0,0.08692554293191744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323540876850863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353879681116279,0.0,0.15770886148737856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141773467968013,0.0,0.0,0.14845746140511687,0.09162916339115433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621860956182402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701079366149118,0.0,0.09219250097028132,0.0541275173991169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344718041628616,0.0,0.0,0.08221885625785362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743365336826085,0.0,0.0,0.1108691495854044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444390475798067,0.21218612318542052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341989567684985,0.07139030173789251,0.0,0.09202425115783064,0.06484364349492837,0.0,0.043849645582656964,0.0,0.0,0.07039599573199026,0.2685040217225757,0.0,0.0,0.08310329783811822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418802781564905,0.08336082819264405,0.08265354920553514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460030388014012,0.0,0.0,0.230627006704881,0.13682732001448866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401465465524073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211438664556976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941602424097217,0.0,0.0,0.08431835960322695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474476482457002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053251947407686,0.0,0.08806978312135752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931936623740007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328391166509092,0.0,0.0,0.07934040801569046,0.0,0.0803811615630501,0.0,0.09049008471019383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167904217856518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193443026175153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688086258838498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230647490003905,0.0,0.18790417583100769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745926967074398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755713663859423,0.0,0.0,0.0489399060074376,0.0,0.2386657626597555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198682490518483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485111976708468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176361955153188,0.0,0.05404777957505287 bpd,purprincess,2020/01/18,"Getting over a FP? Long time lurker, first time poster etc Does anyone have any tips for slowly moving on from a FP? The relationship I have with mine has kind of become a little bit toxic, way too codependent and it’s triggering my bpd after a few months of me managing my symptoms and being somewhat stable. I don’t want to lose the person entirely and would like to keep them as a friend, I just want to know how to healthily distance myself a bit and move on from certain aspects of it. My only other ideas are self destructive ones which I’m trying my best to avoid as it’s the middle of final year exams for me at the moment and I don’t want to have to deal with my local crisis team. Thanks guys <3",4.119374999999998,5.0514432986111135,5.185722222222221,83.53150000000002,70.875,7.426666666666668,23.427777777777766,7.554174236665415,1.011916111111112,561,13,110,6,10,185,97,144,0.087,0.7759999999999999,0.13699999999999998,0.5483,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,4,3,9,1,1,10,0,9,1,0,2,1,20,17,8,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,5,7,0,2,2,1,0,2,2,3,0,2,0,0,14,6,24,15,6,19,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,1,10,76,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064277655018228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943090538534776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284585037518468,0.0,0.0,0.16424079671459482,0.0,0.3417226361592378,0.0,0.19711071434498206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16134826490752813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695729166037227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454280311184278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144196465249334,0.0,0.13312182062567626,0.0,0.0,0.12091423719904808,0.0,0.08176663372548253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496309777237122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766734329841948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910752623254172,0.0,0.16297434058246352,0.08601024584746382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645971828624512,0.15685764960593138,0.0,0.13850069704613513,0.0,0.17508741533107927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491962259861546,0.3326769639941823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605084064407724,0.1190279850579378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366528436768046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802621883093774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632673114366504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16266708930561186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408742130091312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825169310217819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625562207822624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769295063330606,0.12422521556834218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117561570061757,0.0,0.0,0.10078314060391973 bpd,trashbeingdumb,2020/01/18,"Apparently I'm destined to live my days without a FP or friends in general I'm still convinced that I'm diagnosed with bpd, despite my therapist suddenly declined this dbt thing. At this point I'm without any therapist, since waiting lists are annoying and good therapists are hard to find. Not sure what still keeps me on going, despite everything crumbling. But what I really want is at least to have a friend, that doesn't abuse me or places me second, because there are always better friends they could spend time with. I just want to be recognised again and be important to someone. But I know that will never be happening. Don't even get me started on forming relationships. At this point I'm only seeing the option to completely go alone, since I can't, for some reason, even put friends in my time schedule. How do other people even do that? How can they have work AND friends at the same time? I just really need help to get this need of having friends away from Me, since it never works out for me. I know that having no friends is counterproductive. I mean I already see these aftereffects, but it really is like I'm not supposed to have any friends at all. I just want these negative effects of having no friends to be gone, but I don't know how to do so. Thanks for reading all of this",5.403501176470589,6.506324696,5.579694117647061,81.25172941176471,68.03999999999999,8.92235294117647,31.90588235294117,9.168548406835145,2.7085035294117654,1034,43,197,19,17,327,130,250,0.128,0.77,0.102,-0.6828,1,1,0,0,1,0,25.0,0,0,2,4,14,16,1,0,4,0,26,1,0,5,5,46,53,13,0,6,13,0,1,1,9,1,1,0,0,0,18,6,0,2,7,1,1,4,13,1,0,1,1,3,21,15,32,46,6,30,0,0,2,0,13,14,0,4,13,138,39,3,0.0,0.10204245175607278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919813621366388,0.09503959826940836,0.0,0.07166178272815013,0.0,0.0,0.11713408157347173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091601176463735,0.0,0.0,0.052500182582357516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616937678905253,0.0,0.0,0.1084697324247354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902990169045308,0.0,0.0,0.0687627330149086,0.0,0.0,0.055542634616103294,0.0,0.0,0.08741370004193184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065159169079178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740239057861432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871546320503314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5988503212022407,0.0,0.08999211342668673,0.0,0.09789211919172068,0.07223643827127557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615886639452814,0.0,0.0771498812111553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05772687258868306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655066442660269,0.0,0.0,0.14199393042427402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0420756690540135,0.0,0.07604876792535921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938139116426334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771920236485834,0.1328477489016395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550092283513961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059707300518811984,0.0,0.08998089218626985,0.0,0.16282938898579322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657806386406552,0.0,0.0,0.08614696434478758,0.0,0.16551906202621885,0.08854946436046382,0.0,0.09246457787694502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725881001211726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21372713977316427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297229599223032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06095876845075824,0.0,0.13755692915403342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117052848972964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929109326307936,0.0,0.2999886149633612,0.05721673155122864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065819280833453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15239389473211484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604026607947506,0.0,0.12539809759069545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shyfawns_,2020/01/18,"Is this just me being hyper-sensitive? Does anyone else experience this? I really can’t think of anywhere else to ask this question, or how to really phrase it, so I hope this makes sense. Have you ever been drinking from a metal soda can, with a reuseable metal straw, and had it scrape against the side of the can? Or have you ever accidentally scraped your fork on your teeth? Or accidentally scraped your nails on some wood or similar surface. They’re all awful sensations yes, so when one of those things (or one of many others) happens to me, that bad sensation just completely consumes me. I feel it for a while. It travels from my hand or my tooth or my ears all the through my body, right down to my core. Sometimes it even feels like it hurts little. An odd pain on the point of a tooth, in my ear, or under the tip of my fingernail. So what’s I’m asking is, why do I feel react to these stimuli so strongly? And is there a way to de-sensitise myself?",2.775130030959751,4.7927977947368445,3.984613003095976,86.40140866873065,76.3157894736842,6.996904024767801,24.3343653250774,7.928766900206844,1.3063900928792562,751,25,152,12,17,245,120,190,0.10300000000000001,0.8220000000000001,0.075,-0.6742,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,5,0,1,12,6,0,0,11,2,12,13,7,3,4,27,22,17,0,1,10,0,4,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,16,3,2,0,5,2,0,1,1,3,0,2,2,6,20,3,24,19,3,17,0,1,0,0,8,11,0,11,5,111,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581075950040635,0.16970518184858596,0.0,0.0,0.3096791379582637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829223585460704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18397506937165148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736575231775476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449419422278682,0.0,0.0,0.16225211977129558,0.0,0.0,0.27672143021637485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939555326004924,0.2996395273919113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201570091700554,0.0,0.0,0.2512390697694667,0.11832448304620985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646405419968556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450570703305434,0.0,0.0,0.17730791002007154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091734245216961,0.1660024969211654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055779555924096,0.16792052140925584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244672719721759,0.0,0.17623958180736507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565717399873902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185540962722564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21221072931158205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144517601538248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16381005956201186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003570388818323,0.10612756130669126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146758233801206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149453264125155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,excusemeexecuteme,2020/01/18,"First time in a mental hospital GET ME OUT OF HERE Literally just getting worse. Got admitted in a neigbouring country and I don’t understand shit. The other patients are also going in and out of my room wanting to «help me» Well help me, how the fuck do i get out of here I wanna go home, NOW",0.8322142857142829,3.1887779833333383,3.4861904761904756,85.33500000000002,85.83333333333334,6.761904761904763,23.57142857142857,7.957251820313856,1.609142857142857,229,9,46,5,7,80,43,60,0.158,0.745,0.096,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,7,3,2,0,4,0,3,2,1,1,0,11,13,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,1,1,1,0,6,1,11,12,0,12,0,0,0,1,2,7,2,0,3,35,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20581610127424824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189160306300549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379314181740956,0.4033905217574457,0.0,0.2925349161761848,0.0,0.2058397051588352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34501502211368906,0.0,0.2581598400247721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593651560920915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641832759134124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007262473677974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26792786885185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180158045174552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314036215699217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622787111649333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,1marsh2marsh,2020/01/18,"My pathetic cycle I cant in hell manage my mood swings or thoughts i hate self diagnosing but i match nearly every symptom of bpd. Ive had outbursts in middle school and i felt so ashamed, embarrassed i would try ti cut out any feelings in my face atleast. In high school i failed miserably on one of my spanish presentations which in the process hurt my partners grade since it was a group project and i felt so useless and unwanted. I dont have any tragic past or anything but i wanted to have some piece of identity or i guess ""pity points"" by mentally labeling myself as deppressed. Eventually my friends noticed my act and i stopped talking to them. I began to cut myself and purpsely did things genuinely deppressed people did. Its come to a point that if im not feeling sad or empty i lose my sense of identity, further proving how much of a shallow and pathetic person i really am. I feel guilt, shame and i just want to cut more and not exist. I tried to be the alter ego i fantasize being and sometimes people think thats rlly who i am but eventually i lose my cool or embarass myself again in class and they dont talk to me anymore. I became paranoid that everyone deeply hated me and that they had all abandoned me. I realize thats not true but i felt that way for long its easy to convince myself they do. I recently met an unbelievingly kind person and became rlly attached to her. I tried to ask if we could be more than friends but the moment the words left her mouth i had that same resentful feeling i had towards everyone who ""abandoned"" me. I clenched my fists the tightest i ever had trying to conceal my anger and walked away. When she texted me it took so much mentally not to say all the nasty things i had in mind. Afterwards i was so afraid i would harm someone i cared about i cut all ties to her. I find it most therapeutic to write anything on my mind whether it make sense or not... long ass rant but if you read all the way through my stupid rant i have nothing but the highest praise to you",3.7071000000000014,5.41041611,4.5365,84.80200000000002,72.9,7.5,29.25,8.17850203761792,2.021725,1604,67,315,25,32,517,211,400,0.265,0.648,0.087,-0.998,0,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,1,2,4,4,10,36,10,6,12,1,26,5,3,2,7,76,47,37,0,9,23,0,7,0,3,2,2,1,0,4,18,16,0,3,12,1,0,4,8,27,0,1,17,9,70,8,39,24,12,37,2,11,0,1,27,19,2,12,12,221,88,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280917653262077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340162217890016,0.0,0.0,0.1550048432282019,0.0,0.08804593457001332,0.0,0.08848555988879635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861688181702065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602316622747653,0.0,0.0,0.08112805133063374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519536365690127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559109527864787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22075738954584875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519153856238619,0.07935102552547689,0.17998676325308752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19048170390549826,0.0,0.2712837802343311,0.0,0.0860791539487033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552704383925652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375029794228492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18596723860471434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995067340665074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082203630053373,0.0,0.10173096338443616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807436475646396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102327249938631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669333138677875,0.0,0.21072749212024705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286612975088904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898233273894504,0.0,0.19019065618571024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846682016557774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903686071627545,0.10722497794710187,0.0,0.0,0.06381905759449367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990582197442523,0.13058562330588386,0.16446933655774634,0.0,0.0,0.17806178698806382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420585872350264,0.0,0.06033435804300285,0.0,0.09299175552027517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489601207869527,0.0,0.1906311293869538,0.0,0.0,0.09825066815682656,0.0,0.0,0.07790697709813252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979872371892363,0.0,0.09314679626918028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873900825808725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788946771260944,0.0,0.15139723133396135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513850882922628,0.06034697965442765,0.0,0.07476869545907779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463785883422536,0.25576916218543105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111000472788886,0.14951199139763127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380606845566306,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,recoveringforgood,2020/01/18,"One Year ""Anniversary"" Is Just Around The Corner In a little over a week it will have been one year since my fp left me and one year since I last self harmed. I should be proud that I haven't self harmed in almost a year but I feel like a failure. I always was labelled an extreme case but never felt sick enough and always felt the need to get sicker and sicker and when my fp left I realized I needed to recover and it shook me out of my paranoia. Yet I still feel like a failure even though my recovery is going so well. I haven't contacted my fp in 6 months and even though I know she doesn't want me in her life I keep dreaming about her, dreaming that we can work things out and be friends again and part of me hopes that one day she'll forgive me and I keep fighting with myself to stay no contact. I just miss her so much and even though I have new friends and I'm happier I still miss her and wish I could talk to her and laugh like we used to. I'm just feeling so horrible about being clean for almost a year and I just want the anniversary to come and go already since my anxiety is getting really bad waiting for it to come.",3.656908995815901,4.212544594142262,4.356127092050212,90.436617416318,71.67782426778244,7.648640167364018,25.39775104602511,7.645422480735847,1.0251023012552296,894,25,202,10,16,286,119,239,0.157,0.653,0.19,0.9165,0,0,0,0,3,0,10.0,2,0,0,2,22,17,1,1,10,0,18,4,0,1,1,52,44,24,0,8,6,0,5,3,2,3,4,0,1,2,7,23,0,3,8,2,0,5,5,7,1,4,4,5,38,10,22,33,3,34,0,2,0,0,18,12,0,3,19,139,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012864620483462,0.0,0.1109119613452582,0.0,0.16725973216650794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688757129058145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947252870252291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391913742276758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17315574261453254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024665218517374,0.0,0.0,0.06481869300512354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038505865857155,0.0,0.19915175448724792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245806022052094,0.14360442568406154,0.19300494159252599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530290037281522,0.0,0.10502150669308492,0.0,0.11424087577706388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998261178584924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786704592283636,0.0,0.0,0.05523601252969397,0.08192661031667445,0.0,0.0,0.2184022747029307,0.0,0.07099105849572858,0.1473079136908585,0.10073440685633214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802237195240528,0.0,0.07388420121028517,0.14904931727071544,0.07751718577984545,0.09707027602909196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27242454686105555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883927447682247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438735061889997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20970141804263173,0.0,0.0,0.24942125910252302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712707712232764,0.16053002208465206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078371041656411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667723773423668,0.0,0.2962428184217962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680576819774079,0.0,0.0,0.11856325201676304,0.0,0.08062064388353538,0.0,0.09036785328630884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557807688617926,0.0,0.0,0.0731702848391823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236160275051794 bpd,goldenzola,2020/01/18,"Adhd and anxiety or BPD? Ive never been officially medically diagnosed with any of these. My therapist has told me I do have strong symptoms of anxiety and ADHD (runs in the family, along with other mental illnesses) but recently, whether it's just my anxiety or not, I've had very weird and scary feelings about myself and others around me. In my teens I grew up with an abusive step mother who had BorderLine and it was very rough. I don't want to get into details but she was very verbally abusive towards us and my mother and it's left a significant impression on my mental health. She's the reason I had to go to therapy in the first place. I haven't seen her in 4 years so some of this is still fresh in my head. I can recognize these types of behaviors in other people, but I struggle in recognizing my own. I haven't seen my therapist in 3 months due to expenses so I'm at a loss of what to do here. In 2018 I began my relationship with my boyfriend. He's everything I could dream of having in one person but he struggles very strongly with his own anxiety, depression, and ADHD. It can be hard for us to make plans together and actually go through with them. My fear is that our relationship has driven me mad. I love him more than I love anything in the world, literally. I know that I would be kinda okay without him but the thought of him leaving makes me sick to my stomach. I feel like I'm going to vomit even typing that out. But as much as I love, he gets on my nerves just as bad. I don't hate him at all, I know that for a fact. I wanna just point out that his sense of humor is different than mine. He presents his humor in a sarcastic, nihilistic way, while my own comes off as very, very silly and whimsical. He expresses his humor in a very flat, condescending way. When he jokes with me, I know he's just messing around but my mind goes into over drive. I start questioning if he really feels the way he does about me that I am percieving, if he doesn't actually love me. My mind tells me, ""If he loves you, then he wouldn't talk to you that way,"" then the other half tells me, ""it's his sense of humor, you liked it to begin with. What's wrong with it now?"" It's stuff like that to everyday work stress taking so much of a toll on me that it's hard for me to even make simple decisions. My boyfriend wants to go out with me after work? Well I have to draw, sit in bed, get two hours of gaming in, and eat dinner before going to bed. I think those things through my head and the thought of going out makes me want to do nothing at all. Not even draw. Our sex life used to be very rich. We'd have sex all of the time. I still enjoy having sex with him but I always feel unprepared, or I just don't want to do it at all. He always asks me if I would want to have sex with him that night in the middle of the day. I don't know how to answer because I don't know how I'll feel towards night time so I usually just tell him, ""I'll see how I feel tonight."" Later that night, he'll ask again. My emotional response? I get so fucking angry at the question. After that I have no interest in even speaking. Again, I don't even feel like drawing. But general stress, my mood swings, and my view of him have me really worried with my mental state and with my inability to see my therapist I have no idea where to turn to. I hope this doesn't sound like a jumbled up mess of feelings but if someone is able to, I would love help in figuring out if I'm BPD or not. My worst fear is to turn out like my step mother and if this is the path, I don't know what I'll do to myself. Thanks in advance.",2.4165600000000005,3.799336936,4.042866666666669,88.34110000000004,75.64,7.613333333333332,23.43333333333333,8.291686609442984,1.1853333333333331,2802,82,622,49,60,938,294,750,0.132,0.716,0.152,0.9696,1,0,0,0,0,0,83.0,5,3,1,9,32,46,3,6,21,1,52,24,3,9,6,128,118,53,0,19,32,3,11,6,0,5,8,2,2,1,38,41,2,0,24,3,2,14,19,17,1,4,13,18,109,28,117,95,12,101,0,2,5,11,65,49,1,16,38,425,147,4,0.05259956601780432,0.12464376917282413,0.1026591777095194,0.0,0.1896433701257832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753410518038676,0.0,0.0,0.035769508608082035,0.0,0.1609540961291079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04328496105917259,0.09364953102286587,0.09834698761433516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04391844053952625,0.032064207232932615,0.0,0.04475835654005595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249462412864954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0453098686404674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04199647339957572,0.0,0.0,0.033922368627957264,0.0,0.04530392913623575,0.05338745229590497,0.0,0.05495535124165972,0.0,0.0,0.04603023468440087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053822487532265824,0.0,0.05916743206199551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370758638218933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047273098297206585,0.0,0.049586189600091125,0.11837827063970152,0.21276736814980304,0.07515428094601928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0447411639842436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0486274512053452,0.10992440910910396,0.0,0.1793612731523565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423775908855266,0.05193118172079386,0.1079646594188615,0.05591087901033028,0.0,0.0,0.03525638035046836,0.0,0.0,0.0522432374319244,0.05179997715182317,0.0,0.0,0.0593785075929206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734440753153696,0.0,0.0,0.0556953456350822,0.05714958238259742,0.0,0.03715262903234764,0.1541849462975635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28483897173141826,0.0,0.14044247503683316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052988529007933535,0.1590239729879615,0.0,0.10622113445445076,0.0,0.041984471766279854,0.0,0.07733346641344184,0.0,0.04056802797331801,0.0,0.0,0.1480833885461633,0.0,0.05047070221222362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035642827221132316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036465916173737685,0.04592791218690608,0.05495535124165972,0.0,0.04972359156905831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784710383227087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739325775973948,0.054081114311652266,0.051935725783655566,0.11294449813011935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383008805484088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04456744159484221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037230243555882434,0.0,0.08401216273489573,0.0,0.12050525031602405,0.1099769739839956,0.060213918754472524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05467108910662112,0.039548327548629414,0.042277538728962456,0.13792301735784102,0.048426613414627034,0.06015218783899259,0.18321645077360232,0.03494481442558224,0.033703678026820866,0.0,0.08351635997919543,0.06134245987897328,0.0,0.0,0.05026113943489314,0.0,0.0,0.114426446963522,0.051382132983524606,0.0,0.12654160301134765,0.045429136739983535,0.05793099075789824,0.34720120509500885,0.15512293422532145,0.16700434878665404,0.0,0.0,0.04729332680393629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0507041046212728,0.0,0.0765862210375386,0.05341741253477463,0.0,0.11209566763131794,0.057509368222261686,0.0,0.033872395970952755 bpd,vmdelatorr,2020/01/18,"Here we go Just ended my 7 year relationship... love being destructive, let me sit back and watch this unfold..",2.1563333333333325,5.0444633,3.5300000000000047,81.62833333333334,91.0,6.666666666666668,16.666666666666668,7.793537801064563,1.0191666666666674,86,2,15,2,3,28,20,20,0.159,0.675,0.16699999999999998,0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,3,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396165452058261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911880391649089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510109272908941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516369376883026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3986239234717917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4741877002171598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844206457548161 bpd,SCREAMING_NEIGHBOUR,2020/01/18,"As a straight guy with BPD, I feel absolutely unloveable Its fucking rough. No girl is attracted to constant self-doubt. Girls will say I'm hot, then I'll ask them out, and suddenly they're busy for the rest of eternity. I was always skeptical of people who said that girls can smell your desperation, but having recently started actually making an effort to date again, it seems truer and truer.",8.212534246575341,8.191572684931508,7.853527397260276,71.26193493150687,61.87671232876714,11.683561643835617,36.05821917808219,11.20814326018867,4.0981808219178095,318,13,56,8,4,101,65,73,0.073,0.795,0.133,0.6663,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,1,1,6,2,0,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,8,13,5,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,4,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,6,4,3,8,10,1,10,0,0,0,1,10,2,1,1,8,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.2683940118000953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288507484949101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25712014398706856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463963427844256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29721460221126056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906571431795658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542649766696066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723274100714114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835876740067396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906743021754768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715634025097476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616208054170592,0.21871848488834145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503810922904384,0.28692098126598503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467084485192312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,queenofspook,2020/01/18,Recently diagnosed but it’s been a long time coming. Anyone relate to this thing? Hi y’all! So this has a been an all of my life thing but I guess BPD is in general for me. But is this a BPD thing or just a me thing? When I lose something or I think I’ve lost something I start freaking out and I get anxious and I feel like I’m gonna loose my mind and I start like tearing apart my entire house and it’ll be staring me in the face the whole time and I’ll get really bad irrational and I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it. That’s the moment I feel like the most out of control and then when I find the thing that feeling goes away within seconds. Anyone relate ?,-0.9723972602739755,1.1283519657534278,1.239191780821919,99.18029452054796,94.41095890410958,4.289863013698629,16.204109589041096,5.985473137389443,-0.6141660273972605,521,13,124,5,20,173,82,146,0.17,0.7290000000000001,0.102,-0.903,0,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,3,4,7,0,0,10,0,9,3,1,1,1,30,23,17,0,1,7,0,3,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,13,10,0,1,6,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,3,4,19,3,10,16,3,18,0,2,1,0,3,7,0,4,13,82,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904059462969025,0.0,0.1968723900744189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226683381262072,0.0,0.11754487717238485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546133270644451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126894485807906,0.0,0.0,0.1578960121119046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288807720804375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21354680842678972,0.2011455920168251,0.0,0.0,0.12866977577327515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710280019332386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550843259983666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436143102824728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16244046888927488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736864924607402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994366184816632,0.2063330386021643,0.0,0.0,0.12458529497872793,0.0,0.15749608306172974,0.15367729094401214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214701215680364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018685668592846,0.0,0.1390026247085026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167576434894011,0.0,0.0,0.19928869750899306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4676377244963939,0.09020572327368434,0.0,0.0,0.16417914259584135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717511712865775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,spicybebe666,2020/01/18,"needing help asap my boyfriend does not know what to do when i’m having anxiety attacks we are in a long distance relationship so everything is over text or call (usually just texting) what are some ways he could try to help me calm down and how can i explain them to him?",2.8972222222222186,5.08792316666667,3.9182962962962975,86.20633333333332,76.5925925925926,7.282962962962964,29.31851851851852,8.238735603445708,2.162056296296296,217,10,43,4,5,70,48,54,0.079,0.789,0.132,0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,1,0,4,2,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,0,11,11,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,6,10,1,7,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,2,3,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22063450849371544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32811046185784626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29450105578276353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23027363676541035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523914196578564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592062472125687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866331748974389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158503777282592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552356806073665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138539578332119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30964671830432106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19581292078596066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176452412163582,0.0,0.0,0.2289281434707943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Tundragal1,2020/01/18,"DAE just want to be completely alone I'm so overwhelmed in my current situation that I wish I could lock myself in a room and never talk to anyone else ever again. I hate having a family and I hate having to constantly feel like I'm putting on a front for those people who never try for me. I'm exhausted and resigned. All I want anymore is to be completely and utterly alone.",3.4954385964912262,5.073296263157896,5.3421052631578965,79.32307017543863,73.21052631578948,8.750877192982456,27.14035087719298,9.2995712137729,2.4498403508771927,300,11,57,7,6,103,50,76,0.207,0.677,0.11599999999999999,-0.8479,1,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,2,1,3,0,6,1,0,0,4,14,15,5,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,0,1,8,1,9,12,1,12,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,7,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828119006514179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183280448746388,0.12922245398726806,0.18935822670909008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3875365535146989,0.19971241718740265,0.0,0.1475546106499859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438385188770404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716993830366916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422107876638385,0.0,0.09344476936093034,0.13202728426932106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649204173168891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028813563528014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28507153519710304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812299765782825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18578366426363574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077325836200279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854213369389194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547289256669708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21800977377049874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21252074286240688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,whatsausername1000,2020/01/18,"Losing it over something small I dyed a part of my hair blue and got told by a guy I used to be really really close to that I look like a queer (nothing wrong with it, i’m bi but no one knows but he didn’t mean it in a nice way) and then I was told I look like a smurf but one of his friends. And so now, I’m questioning all the compliments I got from it and I fought with my boyfriend/ex now I guess. I just can’t fucking take it, these are small things and I’m balling my eyes out in the corner of my room over it.",-1.0850977835723583,0.6719617288135638,1.0500000000000007,103.70158409387224,88.49152542372879,4.986701434159062,15.856584093872227,6.297961479604792,-0.842677444589309,396,8,109,4,13,131,71,118,0.1,0.759,0.141,0.7785,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,9,2,0,7,0,5,5,2,1,1,19,21,10,0,0,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,9,9,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,4,0,2,7,5,14,5,14,13,2,14,0,1,4,3,8,10,2,2,5,67,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14767967077538513,0.17671228877442072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30575537857429463,0.0,0.21056993172882185,0.18926554714714572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504937288032937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867695035036001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210306175284915,0.21384456001191615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20821508122345486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18341066790261648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25905226042137997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20699353564658168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21412834651457405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449072803836154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471542720305088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371872892960866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698954982989624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652982324096792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508960538499665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172356342895946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20898919915855502,0.0,0.0 bpd,veryhomesick,2020/01/18,"It never gets easier Everyone says it always gets easier. No it fucking doesn’t. The constant rejection. Watching every person lose interest in me. The heartbreak after they leave. The only time it gets “easier” is when I meet someone new and really like them until they slowly lose interest and start treating me like shit. And the cycle continues. I’m tired of the garbage and condescending advice from everyone. They say it’s not about them it’s about me. That part is 100 percent correct it has EVERYTHING to do with how undesirable I am. My therapist says to write down each day something I like about myself. There’s nothing I like about myself. I hate it all. I hate my body. I hate my personality and I hate myself and everyone else does too. I hate how everyone sits up there with their boyfriend or girlfriend and gives me advice about how I need to get over people. FUCK THEM. How can you lay up there In someone’s arms and tell me to get over something! It must be nice to have someone you love love you back. You wouldn’t understand. FUCK EVERYONE I HATE EVERYTHING AND EVERYBODY.",2.3222905429701517,5.210717902912624,3.481672060409924,83.68995505213955,85.99029126213594,7.1295217547644745,23.649047105357784,8.167268648758528,1.9746546565983465,872,33,156,21,27,281,110,206,0.255,0.632,0.113,-0.9879,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,4,7,2,15,24,10,0,5,0,11,9,3,4,4,26,32,16,0,3,2,0,0,4,1,2,1,3,0,2,10,12,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,14,0,0,0,4,33,10,23,29,4,19,0,4,1,5,23,7,4,1,15,108,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17173503929813366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731165588117634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756815833907015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760600341066664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949584350727078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056670182569618525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689739569475536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340579610528992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403596561620895,0.4198273975457309,0.15794740871522353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437087959209593,0.22954751484896105,0.0842948472906823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5205325574018992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304378005069096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17171931893475445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19661262419343875,0.0,0.0,0.15861585519963262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515598841942696,0.06777231793426698,0.08486734319399321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431557183263229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668306298612213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515683315087536,0.0,0.0609193936248597,0.15345291463688146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05629306524984516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20963806850621525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019936440704712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233610287837328,0.13529634601685106,0.0,0.0,0.062196267087445765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768040174311396,0.0,0.0,0.10202618640787224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051238880732902566,0.10099595896181107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914778704057421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AdviceWater,2020/01/18,"Loneliness and Depression I recently lost almost all of my friends. Partially, it’s my fault because I pushed them away, but they also weren’t good friends to begin with and they’ve treated me like shit. I still have to be around all these people at school and I’ve seen how much happier they are without me in their lives. I’ve made a point to act invisible and I just watch how happy everyone else is; yet the second I decide to say something the mood is ruined and I just make everything worse. I’ve come to accept the fact that people’s lives are better without me. I just don’t know what to do next. I feel so so lonely and so depressed. I go to school every day but no one cares if I’m there or not. They don’t care how I’m doing or what’s going on in my life. How am I supposed to live my life knowing no one cares? And knowing if someone did, they’d surely be worse off for it? I hate how much this loneliness hurts. It feels like such a weight on my chest all the time, especially when I cry. How do I keep on going like this?",2.525434430652993,3.7930274311926624,3.8634700485698867,90.2035213167836,75.1467889908257,6.964274150026982,22.91527253103076,7.510576382923642,0.7506078791149484,812,22,181,10,17,267,123,218,0.231,0.59,0.179,-0.9331,1,4,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,6,2,20,24,2,0,6,0,16,5,2,8,5,44,37,24,0,2,12,0,3,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,9,10,1,1,7,0,0,6,8,9,0,3,5,6,27,14,22,29,5,24,0,6,2,0,9,10,1,5,11,121,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374014508293975,0.0,0.0,0.09083482175982288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111577591460837,0.0,0.0,0.1067179488545356,0.0,0.0,0.06924107698207585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045773981174404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34742602143873264,0.0,0.0,0.09784443070091173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476907778711707,0.07325368503638872,0.0,0.19566320926785666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488667274252044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957012499466028,0.10853645622786193,0.10208392849383252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114865164218086,0.08114598490947841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551279147588825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936609196623132,0.09527069311437353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091459361662897,0.0,0.11214283032722236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159634777530305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009606098088628,0.0,0.0,0.1872719709511757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045854670457152,0.16647740046262166,0.0,0.3008960160882184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399272593385233,0.0,0.0,0.10747798358631726,0.07581965269665918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16699781355343254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080018392404795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393786133857462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574927014826908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737564807535001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215264300726564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032828403264573,0.0,0.229910542935663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659457462730315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624119604595008,0.08744418553369933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071006473197564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070536241091444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662330110938691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383173588004147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189860354808889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23150802908580456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,veniicebiitch,2020/01/18,"Outings with my boyfriend are really stressful due to my overwhelming feelings and awkwardness For some reason, whenever I’m out with my boyfriend and his friends, particularly if it’s around his friends who I’m not too affiliated with, I feel really awkward and can’t talk. I’m doing this right now, actually. I get super anxious and dwell on my thoughts and get emotional for some reason. I can hide it well but I know that my standoffishness in general is so fucking unattractive and embarrassing. I feel like I make a scene every time we go out and I hate it. It’s so painful. Sometimes I even wonder why I try at all. Ugh... anyone else have this problem of being super awkward around others? I can’t help it, and I don’t know why it happens.",3.569919871794873,5.823339784722228,4.791111111111113,80.44192307692309,74.7638888888889,7.764102564102564,29.82692307692308,8.617729084823388,2.500811538461538,595,27,111,12,13,196,90,144,0.207,0.65,0.14300000000000002,-0.9069,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,2,8,18,2,7,1,0,9,2,0,3,1,34,26,12,0,2,3,0,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,11,16,0,0,9,0,0,1,4,12,1,0,1,3,19,6,14,24,3,12,0,1,0,1,8,8,1,4,4,74,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.15454852968297053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891563211266098,0.0,0.11073760192392844,0.1622711478022097,0.0,0.2819698666598917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322997436305283,0.17814753311530812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460341751853153,0.0,0.13343550223763856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24023339641228816,0.1131412103499747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447161086483429,0.1464126491891745,0.16548599144395856,0.0,0.0900066338156922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004811124714667,0.0,0.0,0.1563598688148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615362146239356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407456024412934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737271127368017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571474711884027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851930457597192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154091261394312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20291471507368924,0.3256662243733314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524908793639726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663426477096393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18141494672904315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272936642384602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257299242721429,0.09234816791789703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752440307830508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239572699571335,0.0,0.2858127541917222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17174801515504426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kiepye17,2020/01/18,"I’m sick of feeling asexual when I don’t have a FP When I either have a full blown FP or at least a romantic interest, my sex drive is insanely high. At the moment I don’t have anyone I’m interested in and my sex drive has completely depleted. I end up doing extensive research into Asexuality and I’m like “yeah, that’s definitely me”. But as soon as I meet someone, I am horny every second of the day. I would just like some balance rather than one extreme or another, ugh",2.1190950744558994,4.124750164948459,5.036013745704466,78.15328751431845,78.27835051546393,8.847193585337918,27.27262313860252,9.444778638647367,2.7661166093928986,374,16,74,11,9,135,68,97,0.063,0.733,0.204,0.8934,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,1,10,3,0,0,0,12,14,9,0,2,6,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,1,10,4,10,13,4,15,0,0,0,2,1,7,0,3,8,52,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35743153560356633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383439759628681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573953293161452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21983271656983616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019093231144492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871973709505513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723539305685353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601474867719403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33306337351723203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23098208796048506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888177374585548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24214401025830326,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,blkheartedowl,2020/01/18,I was told i have bpd but wasn't informed about it can someone answer some questions please? What is bpd like a break down of the actual symptoms that make you someone considered to have it? I was diagnosed 20 yrs ago im 40.,1.3956521739130423,3.735654217391304,2.8762608695652183,90.82743478260872,82.91304347826087,6.288695652173913,24.417391304347824,7.554174236665415,1.2686747826086961,178,7,37,3,5,58,37,46,0.0,0.853,0.147,0.7622,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,1,0,6,9,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,4,1,4,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,2,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.2281858583048328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20727755695434213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5890052930897111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373340970900793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25257819539119936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142382820954274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608437269687564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25667681922931823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261944846400342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962494202533072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430405088097161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22343606284830936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,paranoid_numb,2020/01/18,"My ex boyfriend keeps insulting me on social media We broke up like a month ago. Actually, he told me we could maybe fix things this month, but I opened my Twitter account and it was full of awful tweets about me. Like really bad things, and it was really, really hurtful. I called him and he basically told me that the whole ""fixing things"" was a lie because he didn't want to make me feel ""bad"". I confronted him about the tweets and he apologized so poorly, he said the tweets weren't really funny now. Like when were they funny? He even complained about me because I can't dance. I can't do any exercise because I had a really bad accident on my leg. How is that even fair? I decided to go on Twitter again today and saw other awful things. He said he wanted to tell me we could go back together as a joke ""but nah"". I feel like shit. I still love him and this makes me feel miserable.",2.8141198501872684,4.564632471910116,4.218898876404499,85.95100749063673,75.40449438202249,8.117453183520599,22.54082397003745,8.841846274778883,1.4787695880149814,692,19,144,15,15,229,96,178,0.254,0.628,0.11800000000000001,-0.986,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,3,0,1,0,12,16,3,1,7,2,13,4,2,3,0,24,29,12,0,4,2,1,3,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,11,10,0,1,4,3,2,3,4,10,0,0,12,6,27,6,12,15,2,18,0,3,1,1,27,6,1,0,13,89,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.12068264394256108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962468835289346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409883982441545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509346444051898,0.30977416576283623,0.226161560483667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627939407319352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974785132398061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336379281588204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875915707629724,0.08834882112373106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056734882602448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323897170129042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992226992495516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416727841970797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161567487482556,0.0,0.16509940550313326,0.0,0.12424165857054599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19742207838926126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3961261287987944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352741798995815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694396684242956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606449036586193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876184622156547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809174439573137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32863949944304743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722330437635588,0.2363411564324723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588580392810888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807149507049327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thewallflower1221,2020/01/18,"DAE feel like they were misdiagnosed? Hi all, I've suffered from BPD since I was a teenager, (I was diagnosed at an odd time). I would be overwhelmed with anger or become manic, but now into adulthood I've been researching more and more on my condition and I actually think I was misdiagnosed and instead I actually have ADHD and what I experience is emotional flooding. I don't have the chronic emptiness etc. but my anger sometimes can be overwhelming and sudden. I have several markers of it and I know they commonly are misdiagnosed for one another. I was reading a few articles and apparently this is a big thing and I'm just wondering if anyone else has any experience with this. When I was diagnosed BPD was still new, (so new that my previous therapist almost refused to recognize it) and they didn't really diagnose ADHD.",4.567422969187677,7.124939117647062,6.333580765639592,69.11897058823531,72.85620915032679,10.64593837535014,33.80438842203548,10.608840637214634,4.6249368814192335,667,35,109,24,14,229,100,153,0.11800000000000001,0.85,0.032,-0.9275,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,3,0,6,6,2,2,5,0,21,4,0,0,1,25,26,15,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,7,12,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,9,1,18,1,9,14,5,12,0,3,0,0,5,4,0,4,9,85,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.2699641375931882,0.0,0.3324717121161034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850924588040206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940635290381598,0.14504240886847594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671777940513536,0.14172697262970915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276549863872835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.348422788265795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4211809749190597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555006788573473,0.15559334417636791,0.0,0.0,0.15426530803779245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27061041459458435,0.0,0.0,0.06993962976824973,0.09881708140813852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601801296592674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757701711913285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26718400419721544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373039339320308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835917562750513,0.0,0.08861245100844223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626419877405293,0.0,0.11442117584815707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680374149523786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046392327552028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060220569834113,0.09189482031942604,0.08863098823930544,0.0,0.0,0.08065652116331029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000403073968008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982597981502414,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,taarotqueen,2020/01/18,"DAE get extremely depressed when no one hits you up on Friday/Saturday night and you have to stay in alone? I’ve noticed the last couple months especially I literally cannot entertain myself when I’m at home, I just have zero interest in anything hobby-like anymore because the turbulence of my constantly shifting emotions and depression makes me so apathetic and unmotivated. So I basically rely on others for temporary joy which is odd to me because when I was younger I was extremely introverted and just depressed all the time and actually preferred that. But as my symptoms started to become more apparent it’s like I’ve done a complete 180 and I constantly need to be with people, I used hate parties and stuff but now I go to one whenever I hear about it, because it’s a distraction. Like even if I don’t really do anything just being around others, maybe having some beverages in me, being anywhere but in my own head...it just kind of fills the void and makes me feel NORMAL for a few hours. Also looking through snapchat, seeing that literally everyone is doing something (probably because they’re actually in college and I dropped out so they always have something to do) makes me feel so pathetic. And then chatting with friends who are also just chilling at home as well, and I’ll say something like “I’m so bored” so kind of a hint hint I’d be willing to just hang out and theyre clearly not interested, it makes me wonder if I did or said something wrong but I don’t want to ask. It’s hard to describe but I was just wondering if this was a BPD thing or just a me thing?",4.2842156862745115,6.242883330065363,5.533926797385623,77.18787058823533,71.90849673202615,8.686849673202614,32.50143790849673,9.281916038205594,3.196789437908497,1273,62,228,29,25,424,167,306,0.13699999999999998,0.777,0.086,-0.9181,1,1,4,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,1,0,24,18,1,1,10,0,24,1,0,5,2,52,47,36,0,7,19,0,3,3,1,1,1,3,2,0,15,17,0,0,5,2,0,3,5,7,1,3,7,8,28,11,33,34,5,31,0,3,2,0,10,13,0,8,16,165,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.1945067270925753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321725801494536,0.0,0.15939544308573714,0.08292474519808803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883551339526953,0.0,0.0,0.16402266793470588,0.08871814571004084,0.09316824421877556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243006193692412,0.11006616440906876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551773875271782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449116228174188,0.21539317935041,0.0,0.0,0.11027141784701697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575099229507874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019863404312954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210360162259404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582420559407504,0.0,0.0,0.09522898925887374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078174532047147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699673600528778,0.0,0.05206801164893427,0.0,0.0566388298744173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927539893568265,0.09839319207428973,0.1022794698621478,0.0,0.11232357760932228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19993334745399824,0.0,0.0981446008439733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20756021074352998,0.0,0.08123585034430249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606589464481282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368893828674404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660941454400727,0.0,0.10012143249286054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795473173872158,0.0,0.0,0.07389630783528181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935237546398202,0.0976452181589926,0.0,0.1134630801582836,0.0,0.0,0.13506380670075702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909139702497552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744987153709012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638444720064113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479907219185137,0.07925328952935877,0.0,0.0,0.0794157737439071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068912214143941,0.0,0.0,0.07053955607753361,0.10622384071907262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408636347634273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358445144383187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324187790011324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058112296285032075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607386985835844,0.0,0.0,0.05878179604855002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960592141096234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21615310337135252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896209418046626,0.0,0.0 bpd,greenleafenergy,2020/01/18,"i cut myself during a sleepover with a friend lol why am i likw this ive been clean from cutting for 2 years and ive been feeling so shitty and bad because of what person i am and i want to die. i am the worst person seriously, and im not even saying this because im seeking sympathy from others but because i dont know what to do anymore. it was fine for about a year and ever since i went to college ive been seeing more bad things about myself and idk its just fucked up that i decided to cut myself when my friend is here sleeping not even knowing what i did. i talked abt it to my intwrnet friend whos on her prom and seriosly shes out there supposed to enjoy her prom and im telling her things like that becausw i dont know whats even real anymore. kill me",0.1535598086124388,2.3159940848484872,2.2429027113237687,94.44961722488041,86.93939393939394,4.443381180223287,20.805422647527926,5.750287758089431,-0.017606060606060403,604,20,133,4,19,202,94,165,0.201,0.642,0.157,-0.8759999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,4,5.0,0,0,0,0,11,15,5,0,4,1,16,2,1,0,1,22,25,11,2,1,4,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,2,14,10,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,9,0,0,6,3,24,6,17,19,2,8,0,0,1,1,13,3,1,0,5,93,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634068446201689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22176744297999326,0.2428637206333093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782701037457548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112847831244284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26314245304453143,0.12012657723478433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714843839585258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078063731418182,0.12277286465509055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4303452890883155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469252049203237,0.0,0.2189527258379164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488011426476734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319143285138535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115720291283338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560909840782104,0.0,0.0,0.1058256170092047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098547890956796,0.0,0.1328974269662089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674083077894707,0.11607438132965933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17645485689768875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832977685021035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310833886999438,0.11983271521076158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103964871711386 bpd,extracreepshow,2020/01/18,Car accidents making me feel like human garbage on top of going through a bad dip of depression I’ve had 2 at fault accidents in a year’s time. Minor fender benders but I’ve really been beating up on myself about a lot of other things and the second most recent one was just icing on the depression cake. To make matters worse I just got notice that the other driver from the first accident is now coming back with an outrageous demand for compensation saying the little fender bender (rear end) threw his back out and he’s asking for more than my personal injury coverage limit and I’m just so freaked out about it. My insurance assured me they’re handling it but I’m just so stressed and worried since getting that notice. I’m a wreck to the point of having trouble focusing on my job or other things I should be worry about because I’m so stuck on this issue. I feel like a shitty driver and a horrible person for not being able to just not fucking break things. Could use some reassurance about now and really just needed to vent.,4.394235074626867,6.240983333333332,5.453653606965172,78.33779384328359,71.38805970149255,8.010074626865674,25.995335820895523,8.660442795831766,2.0690320895522403,834,27,144,15,16,275,129,201,0.3,0.642,0.057999999999999996,-0.996,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,4,17,13,2,1,13,0,9,1,0,3,1,35,27,12,0,3,11,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,3,11,10,0,1,2,0,0,4,2,9,0,3,6,3,10,4,29,17,4,27,0,2,0,1,8,13,1,4,11,103,21,1,0.1430400746218286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372316078068835,0.0,0.0,0.21997797609461772,0.11943248752131842,0.08719590183949417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232163586529198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420586030872565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24640041334621285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669104957146013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465071920430048,0.20437571578118535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166981440127145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223824407082552,0.07473253522854352,0.0,0.08129297076739841,0.0,0.11440221463457124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929667492709794,0.14194520261657229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976431045394871,0.14336373274699862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216075562820042,0.0,0.0,0.19096072106890646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606240287788153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257041460403661,0.0,0.0,0.09692765646997886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497941516938041,0.0,0.0,0.1352191051556575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327026910636987,0.0,0.1412348172058745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137512085474843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832422786252225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385192219733974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850884089836008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340781780979739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354069817026522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905282782178407,0.1457700562950962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211311830339433 bpd,treesbark,2020/01/18,"I'm trying dating again; what is your opinion on putting that you have BPD/mental illness in your bio? I'm leaving it and that I have PTSD in my profile, by the way. My therapist tried to tell me that it wasn't necessary and to probably not, but I don't feel like pretending that I don't have it, because I do. I think of it as being super open about stuff, and giving potential matches the decision if they want to enter the relationship I'm trying to build or not. I'm trying to be upfront and transparent with people who might be able to relate to me --at least that's how I see it. What do you think?",5.363333333333333,4.768228666666668,6.507777777777778,80.465,67.8888888888889,9.739682539682539,30.698412698412696,9.23628265651192,2.41491746031746,476,16,100,8,7,161,77,126,0.049,0.866,0.085,0.7431,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,4,1,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,13,1,0,1,0,19,23,9,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,14,6,0,0,4,1,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,2,15,2,16,18,1,10,0,0,1,0,9,5,0,4,3,73,29,0,0.1911423618697182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651860967651916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407371135193236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664732134669916,0.13655214151177647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833611705861668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023921624417292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338250303591313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926265436013704,0.20277183996679493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251404665262936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20608379483972425,0.0,0.22343519231695472,0.1921508675536648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052153636160567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231571512514933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21881227393141225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706684921476564,0.0,0.0,0.22193101442699686,0.0,0.2449526149916316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5190924671815231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274071735859012,0.15171990990757506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,button-galaxy,2020/01/18,"The police just left my house asking follow up questions to a report I made last year. Feeling awful. What do you do to calm your nerves? Hi, first time poster here. I have really appreciated this community, and feel less alone. (Also down with stigma, stigma suuucks. Humans are precious.) I am very lucky to have friends and family I can talk to, but sometimes I feel like I’m overwhelming them with stuff. I want to call them and tell them all the details of what just happened and go over my past again, but I’m trying to self-sooth, cuz people have jobs and lives and stuff u know? Trying to stay brave, but it’s a painful, drawn out process. The police just came by to ask follow up questions. I’m proud of myself and the skills I learned in DBT; I communicated well, and stayed on point, and didn’t jumble my words, and didn’t let my emotions dictate my reactions. They were just asking questions but it really took the energy out of me. I just pulled myself out of a catatonic state on the couch, hugging myself with an electric blanket (and my fibromyalgia is also acting up!). Taking a deep breath and asking, what do you guys do to calm your nerves?",5.223512705530645,6.203031022421527,5.447461883408071,82.48614050822124,68.37219730941703,8.099133034379673,26.077428998505233,8.238735603445708,1.5398546487294476,910,25,175,12,15,288,131,223,0.044000000000000004,0.8,0.156,0.9774,1,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,4,4,3,10,12,0,1,11,1,15,3,1,2,1,42,35,19,0,1,9,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,1,2,8,19,0,0,8,0,0,7,2,2,1,1,6,3,27,10,28,28,2,30,0,1,0,1,22,14,0,4,7,119,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223898165085848,0.0,0.189003073776124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4418968119735125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066609811605605,0.1351564730948466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292679437923194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140137402134573,0.0,0.17925286266664964,0.08442159226686581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051643780973084,0.0,0.0,0.0912988445215491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715946663286834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700815468741768,0.10449848034044763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363538011915447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726676991667405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494384982937007,0.09632537241125334,0.0,0.0,0.1283934509490067,0.1208381490567432,0.0,0.05773252260183215,0.0,0.1043474129301692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181653064055826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574258288382945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128078664346633,0.08192509243932962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171006416792947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971366643786352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15140710699407925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232784263259896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687442616718992,0.0,0.0,0.2519097411512713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705557066819101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885010251232248,0.0949816056170289,0.10328691494378754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890662875570436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129264984350209,0.16046109613528334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975036890850854,0.06970048779425426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625018035242133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609843553198323 bpd,Artisticslap,2020/01/18,"How to support a friend Hello. I'm a long-time lurker because I suspect I have BPD, but I have no diagnosis yet. This post however is not about me. My friend got recently diagnosed with BPD (which I had suspected) after attempting to off themself. It was unplanned and they apologized to me for not thinking about me or their family. How can I: * support them while trying to hold my boundaries * not fall for manipulative behaviour * not come across as a total dick? It’s like everything he does or says is something I have already done, so the shock value of everything has gone and I just don't react like an average person would. I feel empathy but I don't want to think about those things because they're too upsetting and harmful for me. They asked if I would miss them. Of course I would; we had been talking almost every day before they cut ties with me for a couple of weeks only to reconnect for two before their act. But since they already made their decision I said it's not really their business if I would. I know they didn't think clearly in the moment, but this feels like a logical reaction to me. Since one of my close friends recently abandoned me, I have lost the concept of what is expected behaviour, so I avoid expressing my feelings and not to get too attached to people (because it would hurt if they went away). This has led to a point where I don't know how much I like this person, because I don't express it. They said I'm their best friend and they love me (yet so many times they hate me, lol) and I find this kind of sad since we're ""only"" Internet friends. I never thought what it would be like on this side of events. I want my friend to get better. They’re in a mental institute right now, which I'm happy about, since now they're getting treatment. I believe the majority of their discomfort was magnified by substance abuse, so now they'll get clean too. I try to think what I would like to hear if I was them, but can't.",4.533744003070428,5.618557870466328,5.178819804260217,83.39627998464788,70.03626943005182,8.723699865668777,29.063135674534635,9.049649993220411,2.27513348685473,1542,57,308,29,27,497,190,386,0.14,0.68,0.18,0.9652,1,1,1,0,1,0,45.0,1,0,19,4,21,31,2,3,12,1,32,3,1,7,3,68,66,26,0,14,18,0,3,6,6,8,1,4,1,2,19,11,0,3,15,0,0,6,14,12,0,2,16,7,60,19,41,41,4,33,0,5,0,2,40,11,1,7,21,211,79,0,0.0,0.09280713361894666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843524403604929,0.0,0.17287614211317834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322710217378844,0.0,0.07359273504819573,0.0,0.0,0.1909946841178278,0.0,0.13330453029602685,0.08825003322430917,0.08220152124909877,0.06927569269142729,0.0,0.0,0.19730543077929746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674735538098539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666962063351577,0.0,0.0505157669543966,0.0,0.0,0.07950235221034163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854629267417993,0.08015782881511288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659956156082189,0.0,0.14079422595660734,0.0,0.07384167141943966,0.0,0.11881658644074228,0.055958299721521776,0.0,0.0,0.0715913464036504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631010481168551,0.0,0.16369481429957658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264690881553885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338274626715378,0.0,0.07733373521894943,0.0,0.0,0.08828254909268476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385288417465511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156766764671182,0.08609521133724789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296057477727167,0.0,0.0,0.06931875769597487,0.0,0.0,0.08550542739526916,0.0,0.07069503937713266,0.07411685526643264,0.0,0.07941337772626204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893727437615224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057580875468369826,0.0,0.060412203799077135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05307780164898726,0.1191455672244438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05430351115555408,0.1367878366149015,0.0,0.0,0.07404628466209222,0.0,0.07501759216300187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05017960480039727,0.0,0.1546810040931141,0.0,0.0,0.06689259356866219,0.14901775607303114,0.06229041642501679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591784481533085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06030154108620034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777378955119896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295793543371889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05203835030353687,0.20076040837616774,0.0,0.06218452820702375,0.04567430773542418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636058702610232,0.0,0.07651611489406324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240102400338086,0.0,0.06283085124552197,0.0,0.0,0.07261182804526367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3894990430784179,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lucioux,2020/01/18,"DAE have severe panic attacks that last hours long? almost every single day for the past few months now i’ve been having severe panic attacks that cause me rapid heart rate, chest pain, and trouble breathing. it’s so annoyingly frightening to think i’m dying every single day.",8.098333333333336,8.883288700000003,7.43,71.47833333333334,62.0,8.266666666666667,28.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,2.0838666666666663,225,6,33,2,3,70,42,50,0.41600000000000004,0.584,0.0,-0.9778,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,3,2,1,0,3,4,3,1,0,4,5,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,4,3,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18179574141512894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4130778536819545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18650149222145584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23416899939541436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18841986513830647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305926806682205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151371995939997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878982672735313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479871891292011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066571990932474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491119195538926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19318161901702213,0.4260187750619333,0.0,0.0,0.1733096758147375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4101988382392827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632967977627212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,JudgeThredd,2020/01/18,"I met someone who I has quickly become my FP (that means favourite person, right?) but cause of how we met I don't think we'll be able to get closer even if she thinks the same for me and it hurts, a lot. We just seem to have so much in common and everything just we met at a group that doesn't recommend making outside relationships with people in the group and it hurts. So even if it was completely mutual that could be problematic for her and I don't want to do that. I'm also partially attracted to her but I'm transitioning genders and I think she's into dudes so even if that's mutual, down the line, me looking more and more womanlike will be problematic. As much as I wish the situation would change to make me happy, that's unlikely to happen without causing problems and I'm more here just to vent the hurt instead hoping it'll all be different.",3.7915918185860384,5.1554026011560685,5.151445086705202,81.83173855046691,72.121387283237,8.791285015562472,26.60248999555358,9.265573868473778,2.1436877723432644,682,23,138,15,13,228,99,173,0.133,0.7659999999999999,0.102,-0.6918,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,4,0,0,0,14,7,0,0,7,0,16,0,0,5,1,40,35,19,0,9,9,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,11,12,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,1,18,3,19,22,8,9,0,3,1,0,16,7,0,6,2,103,29,0,0.14219267807669314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371143328513188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704064142436086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29214209832121746,0.1504209993288676,0.0,0.1490863176345018,0.0,0.0,0.11352928312071943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485610844213409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817507684557099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779361041852114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428980550871284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574051562468894,0.15136674987474488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122941317286494,0.0,0.0,0.4566606083400554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940603744333955,0.0,0.0,0.12088713004251725,0.0,0.0,0.1898294335208666,0.0,0.0,0.15488951163749556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090559585712019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857849925052306,0.1241571618692982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605918937875972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526617221301185,0.0,0.1214317701499025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944687373751712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983052779787146,0.0,0.0,0.12047939470170095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733339798685457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386892561488829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635145623655516,0.1370686675083821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010095987984436,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,penguinpyjamapants,2020/01/18,"DAE struggle with irrational jealousy? I was doing okay today but then saw one of my friends talking about his crush and it made me feel really jealous, even though we don't have a romantic relationship... I find I often feel upset that my friends don't have romantic feelings towards me, even though I don't have feelings for them. I also feel jealous when I see my friends saying nice things about each other, as though a compliment to someone else is somehow a coded insult towards me. I feel like such an asshole for having these feelings and I don't feel I can talk to my friends about it because it makes me sound like such a narcissist. I'm currently doing CBT because DBT wasn't an option but identifying the negative and irrational thoughts doesn't stop me from believing/feeling them anyway. I'm so tired of living with my mood pulled all over the place by completely illogical things but I don't see what I can do to cope beyond what I already am",7.531521739130433,7.261001282608699,7.426217391304352,74.59269565217394,63.34782608695652,10.403478260869566,37.42173913043478,9.888512548439397,3.6883821739130433,772,35,138,14,10,247,105,184,0.201,0.636,0.16399999999999998,-0.7865,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,2,0,17,15,3,2,8,1,19,1,0,2,1,27,35,14,0,0,3,0,8,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,10,7,0,1,10,0,0,1,8,5,0,1,5,13,26,9,19,30,2,11,0,0,3,0,13,5,0,3,7,106,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355789215039988,0.09825099354572506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978847265540673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881623605019327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263365624089578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229557065812114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5590947755836518,0.0877711155825602,0.0,0.0,0.11229169526552266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796849227730199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004625305194573,0.0,0.10848751599097313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625297949687301,0.08200991715969326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325302746126348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836241462216785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870717864447449,0.0,0.0,0.13190552121592802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977030997534618,0.0,0.0,0.1958068191283084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409876904416288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271635251080204,0.0,0.12843981172413538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19750021910215493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324527664162844,0.0,0.3621275950562677,0.09753701309488656,0.0,0.1412093469967714,0.11645679100774242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,scourgeoftheeast,2020/01/19,I don't know if I should blame myself I want to have more friends and maybe even an SO one day but I also hate having to find someone worth my time and also build a relationship with them. I find it hard to have ti listen to their problems and keep up with their day to day life even though I know it's what I should do if I want more friends. What should I do?,3.2829113924050617,3.3154185569620296,3.86567088607595,95.4891392405063,72.29113924050634,6.82632911392405,22.129113924050635,5.6839178017228535,-0.1062779746835445,282,5,71,1,5,89,46,79,0.146,0.71,0.14400000000000002,-0.2878,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,3,0,6,4,1,0,2,0,9,1,0,0,0,19,16,10,0,8,3,0,1,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,14,2,8,13,2,5,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,2,4,52,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198719858190344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.386940843508913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641897277704701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655837590980926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30903140479803565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915630829535678,0.19745373600767005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777648159780162,0.0,0.0,0.21982413086318847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126243928715904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20092193863604516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552184185846156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19136828126324615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21471986943418286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945518194671852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964941502883484,0.0,0.11661873923960768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359245592980399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Novel-Pear,2020/01/19,"Should I continue dating a girl with BPD? So I recently went on a first date with someone I met online. We seemed to have a lot of chemistry when we were messaging back and forth and when we met in person it was even better. She seemed pretty awesome and we got along really well. I'm naturally quite shy and reserved but her openness got me talking a lot more freely than I usually would. We talked about some pretty deep stuff, especially for a first date and it felt great to hang out with this girl. We were hanging out for about 6 hours in total. I kissed her goodbye and we went our separate ways. It all seemed pretty great except she mentioned that she had borderline personality disorder. Honestly I had no real idea what this was and we didn't really discuss it too much in depth. She only mentioned that she was currently on a 'high' in terms of her mood. When I got home I did a bit of googling and I'm kind of worried about what I have read about BPD partners. It's actually been quite a while since I went on a date. I had a pretty tough relationship with an ex-gf who had bi-polar disorder. It was pretty exhausting and I had to shoulder a lot of guilt and responsibility about her mood changes / depression / manic episodes etc. When I got out of this relationship I was so relieved to not have to deal with all the stress that came with caring about someone with bi-polar disorder. I was really hoping that my next relationship would be a lot more chilled out and less of an emotional roller coaster. I suppose my questions are: \- Is a 'chilled out' relationship possible with a partner who has BPD? \- If not then is it fair to stop seeing someone just because they have BPD? I mean it's not really their fault and surely it's pretty horrible for me to just give up on having a relationship with them because of a mental health condition? \- If I decide to break up with her should I be totally honest about my reasoning? As I said I date went really well. I would literally be breaking things off because I'm worried about getting into a committed relationship with someone who has BPD.",4.092956228956228,5.990137671604941,5.162783389450058,79.90707070707072,72.28395061728395,8.563411896745231,28.322109988776656,9.178173031916092,2.491123456790124,1667,65,314,37,33,548,189,405,0.1,0.6990000000000001,0.201,0.9941,1,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,9,0,3,5,21,21,0,2,20,0,34,4,1,1,6,77,59,24,0,8,9,0,1,0,2,5,2,1,1,6,23,40,0,1,9,2,0,7,5,6,2,2,29,3,49,13,59,22,16,53,0,1,1,1,49,21,0,12,22,235,72,1,0.0,0.0,0.05943376647422397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04683161202096868,0.0,0.111380004051203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05386486343505409,0.06649167143259085,0.0,0.3835338800313629,0.0,0.0,0.06965824163178387,0.06209594612836305,0.0,0.06442862524021771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278961169813023,0.052456744827367695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094046551467112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850908839348846,0.0,0.0,0.06792434265330895,0.040226685442787416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05847763501508527,0.0,0.0,0.1036102548784751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03181995904591065,0.05842491020509829,0.0,0.0,0.1948427829084627,0.13429431035049474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473837411538949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434868835053176,0.06109193270901735,0.0604916665545921,0.059978422077817124,0.0,0.0,0.06875348960716117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342240846405445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207114475575222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634258742766769,0.0,0.0,0.06137716331680944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044771634509522734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477236519746554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046320429707019765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635849101729647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866039548493845,0.0,0.3717691314714156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822670320474751,0.12955834221317994,0.060920735673439086,0.06932237482361463,0.19508412365055025,0.06261971682180154,0.060135603396887324,0.3923302568470591,0.0,0.0,0.057933892599426336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048532805231139516,0.1663348366337779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05038062837304117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064159074873126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05091868355405105,0.06976561731739207,0.0,0.06972079974919505,0.0,0.0,0.057401538733330634,0.0,0.0,0.09790506489471383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040462080184041065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707743142201462,0.0,0.0,0.048342962058644336,0.0,0.0,0.10952047751668924,0.22583541496145956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237024528379672,0.0,0.1297939040895746,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pong15mate,2020/01/19,"How to deal with overwhelming loneliness Just moved away to college. I know two people that go here, but I’m on weird terms with one. Broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. It was mutual, but it just feels wrong to talk to him. I just don’t really have anyone and it’s hard to deal",2.531578947368424,4.401137596491228,3.3472280701754364,91.36926315789476,76.54385964912281,8.068771929824562,20.171929824561406,8.841846274778883,1.0551150877192983,221,5,49,5,5,70,43,57,0.222,0.778,0.0,-0.9081,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,12,7,4,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,4,0,2,1,2,4,0,11,6,1,7,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,32,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19712639258347445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648749659417859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5812983324742279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254821605330215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16022274931380184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525467050657125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493693878729878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996384320172879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19103761933610933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19544919289148527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060642947667385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226598196042726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753967944429546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082374113182246,0.0,0.0 bpd,NamaMamaSte,2020/01/19,"Does anyone Jodi Does anyone else have a spouse, FP, or significant other who uses people like Jodi Arias as an abuse technique during arguments? My husband likes to send me her name repeatedly and remind me that she has BPD repeatedly when we argue. Pretend to be scared by me but call me a leech and retard and a nothing. Then proceed to peace out of parenting duties and responsibilities bc he can. When I’m supposed to be the one with the mental health disorder.",7.517586206896548,7.77537845977012,8.285655172413794,66.64986206896555,63.2528735632184,10.178390804597699,32.342528735632186,9.888512548439397,3.2364639080459767,374,13,61,7,5,126,69,87,0.17600000000000002,0.725,0.099,-0.7684,1,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,6,0,5,1,0,1,0,12,7,10,0,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,8,2,9,5,0,8,0,0,0,0,12,1,0,1,8,41,11,1,0.0,0.2645754011822371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122747746255226,0.22879846243631866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28124003763655525,0.0,0.2280154863109921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559225149805759,0.0,0.3908247604820711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865394947491203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373587278815197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218187368656872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22503508320872376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21426351873607632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131466857721276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24794955074742075,0.0,0.0,0.15480893212988636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22356345105602146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928605362002232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Homesick_at_home,2020/01/19,"Isolating My BPD is normally under control, I use my skills, don't engage in the destructive behavior, exercise - all in all, work really hard to be high-functioning. I got rid all things that trigger or lead me down bad paths like smartphones, Facebook, Tinder, alcohol, etc. Anything that could help with becoming irrationally clingy, going into stalking spirals or promiscuity. I spent years getting healthy and fixing myself, learning how to outsmart myself. And now I am relatively healthy, I have a few strong friendships from my university days - the people who knew me before diagnosis, during therapy and now in the ""after."" They are my rock, but live in a different country. I can ""pass"" as normal, I have learned what social behaviors are acceptable, I have learned when I am being clingy or spiralling - but even after all that, I am completely terrified of making new friends. I am terrified of partnerships. I am terrified of telling anyone when I am having a ""bad day."" It is irrational, but social isolation feels like the only option, especially when I read about how awful people with BPD are or when I remember how I used to be. A part of me wants someone to hold me, but the other parts knows it would be unfair to let anyone inside my bubble. :-( This past week, I've been holed out at home. Ordering take-out, wallowing and not giving a fuck about skills. Not suicidal, just tired.",6.795336640680372,8.272495578313254,7.087814788566028,70.33450035435861,65.10441767068272,10.6781006378455,34.32577368296716,10.718039707386858,4.159450082683676,1105,49,175,30,17,358,157,249,0.191,0.6920000000000001,0.11699999999999999,-0.9753,1,1,1,0,0,0,50.0,0,0,1,6,13,10,2,0,10,1,25,4,0,9,4,47,38,20,1,5,11,0,2,2,1,1,3,0,1,0,10,8,1,2,8,3,1,3,3,4,0,0,4,2,28,6,26,27,8,27,0,0,0,1,8,9,1,5,16,132,38,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253255745370315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17342603708130094,0.0,0.10205242133003507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20709193624874675,0.0,0.13696300305182985,0.10552622776814936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31238094882555606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002563917185336,0.0,0.13909151832391362,0.09901456979226952,0.0,0.0,0.15995670417725605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956755699946404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383076679213955,0.08190964880141452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270487649862706,0.08859516280232041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581240742867447,0.11464834476412193,0.06479185748556998,0.11896490659067772,0.07047964531689199,0.0,0.09918480570702816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110916038778014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312353515068045,0.1310269142388109,0.12439550258030205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815449453327517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681205365768775,0.0,0.1211733183787734,0.0,0.10950606104805356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827798748363123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977286726502437,0.0,0.0,0.24301350709382544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431774176445036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685887484491572,0.11838477602469948,0.1719504858262731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404691087045305,0.0,0.0794461282557067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404829518342437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528319881464746,0.10507610994545988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565047791811227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324260637253563,0.0,0.10839313496798136,0.0,0.14182007484947082,0.0,0.08238895999430933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425351039844149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21421543602225893,0.0,0.0,0.07314628755180143,0.0,0.09947602987952284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028319659007554,0.0,0.0,0.08809552650202855,0.0,0.0,0.07986053216866476 bpd,TheConvolutedArtist,2020/01/19,"To those who cured/managed their BPD through therapy, did you manage to get back into a relationship that ended because of the toxicity from your BPD? Were you able to change yourself into a pleasant, desirable person? I’m not sure if there is someone out there with this similar scenario, but basically has anyone managed/cured their BPD to the point that they were able to “win” their lover back so to speak? Were you able to change yourself so much to the point that you are a pleasant, loving ,person not burdened by the past? I’m determined to not allow this “illness” to run my life, as much as I like relating to the venting posts, I want to read more success stories. I refuse to allow this to consume and ruin my life. I Started therapy and I’m finally doing something about it. Would be nice to hear some success stories.",6.189999999999998,6.995049560509553,6.4667579617834425,76.66255732484079,66.13375796178343,8.827770700636943,34.808280254777074,8.841846274778883,3.044817070063694,659,30,116,10,10,212,92,157,0.09300000000000001,0.648,0.259,0.9885,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,5,4,3,7,12,0,0,8,0,10,5,0,2,1,19,18,8,0,4,5,0,0,1,1,1,3,2,0,2,9,6,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,2,15,10,26,12,4,13,0,1,0,2,18,5,0,2,7,85,24,4,0.3902169479203196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094958766061434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20003516419733766,0.0,0.07929087652982056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4914645857137982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751985266525768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115205464443675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424878642643275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795741655926067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466009534700447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837478469348498,0.06354676337816201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117395343528303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912362371059445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241687435859828,0.0,0.2271482583697948,0.0,0.0,0.2459207633658269,0.0,0.12457332339347135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301075153894193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964898915011734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020985122367608,0.10013602359475324,0.0,0.0,0.09206585472453692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225916184623376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974980584607401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672002201863569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923996413104698,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,asw3etpea,2020/01/19,"Today sucks I somehow lost one shoe after I left the gym today, they were a new pair and I loved them. Cried about that on my way to work. I got to work and pulled out my laptop to kill time, it was dead and I left the charger at home. Cried about that. Had a table of 20 walk in with no reservation (I work at a small family owned restaurant where it’s only one server and one chef) and they were a huge pain in the ass, bill came to around $500 and they left me a $0 tip. ZERO. Not even a thank you. I wasn’t a bitch, I smiled, joked, took their stupid fucking orders with their modifications.... cried about that too. Can’t wait to go home and watch trash tv",1.3475531914893608,2.7818715035461,2.5499468085106405,97.70875,78.64539007092198,5.5510638297872354,16.00531914893617,5.985473137389443,-0.8457191489361704,506,6,125,3,12,162,90,141,0.254,0.669,0.076,-0.9797,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,6,4,8,10,5,0,10,0,6,5,2,0,0,15,16,7,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,5,12,0,1,0,3,1,5,4,7,0,4,9,1,18,3,19,7,1,25,0,1,1,3,8,13,4,1,5,76,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232445698468736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583431286337562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4562229142676084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144099934716966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051274343523628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798930739096406,0.0,0.0,0.07868095268038036,0.0,0.11072636602183657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777413708075819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316784591494814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45125964566455395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15112805132172444,0.0,0.12495117403237208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337101408399714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28143984455761945,0.10529295008966856,0.14731424637237095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274606946610186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072784773783062,0.0,0.2624575718814809,0.0,0.15381645042074601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989045489049454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023667849120696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thescienceofstardust,2020/01/19,"Losing an ex-FP Someone who I used to be very close to just lost her battle with mental health. It feels like we only parted ways a year or two ago, and I can still remember her face exactly, but in reality I hadn't spoken to her in 5 years, and the photo they posted was so changed that I didn't recognize her. I don't feel much sadness. Our friendship died abruptly and my obsession with her went almost as soon as she rejected me. But I know she had a difficult journey, and managed to better herself throughout it. She had BPD, and I only know that now by looking through her posts. Maybe it was affecting her even back then, like it was me. I guess, even after everything I've been through, BPD feels like it can be brushed off. I always liked being the manic pixie dream girl, the tragic heroine whose issues were never deeper than a page or two. Suicide attempts just a temporary blip, substance abuse or starvation just adding to allure. And it's very very hard to fight something that convinces you it doesn't matter, doesn't exist, even while controlling every aspect of your life. She lost that fight.",6.213012221423438,6.635616289719625,6.2141121495327125,79.83027677929549,66.00934579439252,8.827606038820992,30.947519769949675,8.617729084823388,2.365827174694464,882,31,162,12,13,279,138,214,0.204,0.667,0.129,-0.9625,0,1,1,0,3,1,25.0,2,2,1,6,11,17,3,1,8,0,17,3,1,3,2,32,28,16,2,0,8,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,13,10,0,1,6,1,0,2,6,11,0,2,12,6,29,6,19,13,3,21,0,6,1,0,22,4,0,5,16,115,42,1,0.0,0.14170633564100807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601810353021146,0.0,0.11976203319771195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951670565680908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196494794719597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577640077325497,0.0,0.0,0.3012637984554333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652084587378806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414146829612164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412582367523145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369838367625115,0.0,0.10076808205941618,0.0,0.1074886868160414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814199234621484,0.17088439849454093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175278413232847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713802709979722,0.0,0.0,0.1271291110594733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483123249078695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145796491174988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844769530726223,0.2337218982366593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043380197693742,0.13380170626358398,0.2611148587640085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015418441779925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205285785816982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791969482783507,0.0,0.09224282331048436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18192224111313898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951504706737127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290873056736747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354833828597217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013366152068625,0.09207385345954323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551264222386628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082288914720802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23366346607887245,0.0,0.0,0.10329592151263248,0.0,0.2960473525712523,0.0,0.09493284124718744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087031433097376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403684096778686 bpd,throwaway19384718,2020/01/19,"Any money advice? Hey guys, I’m extremely bad with money. I’ve tried so many different things over the years and NOTHING works. I wanted to post directly on here cause impulse control is much worse with ourselves. Has anyone ever found some kinda way that works for them and not spending all their money? I feel like I literally can’t stop myself and it’s SO embarrassing. I’ll have to go without eating and basic needs because I have no money even though I have a well paying job. Can someone please offer support for something that’s worked for them? Please and thanks!",3.5402020202020203,6.2294865555555585,3.9724242424242417,84.06954545454545,76.96296296296295,5.779124579124581,23.707070707070702,6.980632752743323,1.071877777777778,460,15,79,5,11,144,82,108,0.136,0.736,0.128,-0.4499,2,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,4,7,6,0,1,2,0,7,1,0,2,2,20,15,8,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,2,2,0,6,1,4,2,1,0,1,1,9,4,10,14,3,8,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,4,49,13,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085857446462773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111942941353276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151017064581523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744553964973086,0.1003469661588937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910358538698994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846282297903468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719862503144312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16844088162705478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872577741035516,0.1489024900359204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323361831598769,0.117600039695359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18049039403939104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355374294502952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299341514933358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335366849696334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042192485811936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668924255995422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100998912533913,0.12205895148500095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795125730424595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613927571431429,0.0,0.0,0.15765439372037018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947662953328133,0.1267276464924662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762440015098715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18680164347429934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155415202395314,0.0,0.0,0.10936200870705276,0.0,0.16173209630049676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176187731344428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970934083484149,0.130662670172539,0.0,0.0,0.14800745984019908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868170491744027,0.0,0.35952213982066433,0.0,0.16775539443298346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600580727056913 bpd,miller_kaz,2020/01/19,"Best self help books and resources for BPD? I am currently unable to attend therapy but I want to take responsibility for my health in the mean time. I've never read a self help book and I don't know where to start, as I have heard that some of the more popular ones are inaccurate or unfairly stigmatizing. I'd like to hear what has actually worked for people in the community. I'm open to resources besides books as well. I have read ""Attached"" and ""Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Children"" that, while not about BPD, were easy to identify with. However they did not help me with how to move forward and heal. However I am open to other books that are not specifically about BPD but can still help with symptoms.",5.318235294117649,6.926559058823532,6.025764705882356,76.08394117647059,68.70588235294117,9.851764705882351,30.511764705882353,10.125756701596842,3.1298023529411765,576,23,108,15,10,188,87,136,0.0,0.7909999999999999,0.209,0.9825,3,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,2,6,4,0,0,4,0,11,3,0,1,1,21,19,11,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,5,5,9,0,0,2,6,0,3,5,0,1,1,3,2,9,4,22,16,3,14,0,0,0,0,12,6,0,2,8,71,14,7,0.0,0.0,0.14380521114955455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464857105486404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5567963183841435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657637485647462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664017462497526,0.16608901950721833,0.0,0.3950977464490617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098695258707209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199420858127464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052170944577684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662374432453954,0.0,0.0,0.1136555729119787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985710793447612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216307771263276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29480612710973225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074638813098714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430442080594526,0.0,0.11768442988514342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316677355432842,0.11079877553344218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852264485831506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592865822761056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691862455213209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132497200907821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728215375553736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,darylkoo,2020/01/19,"Constant anxiety about my gf breaking up with me. What should I do? So, me and my gf got back together recently after she broke up with me like 5 months ago. She also has BPD and probably bipolar disorder (all untreated). She is literally CRAZY. Things are not going well right now and I have severe anxiety 24/7, can’t get off my bed. I don’t know what to do. I already fixed all the things I did wrong in our previous relationship, but it’s not enough. I know she loves me, there’s no doubt, she is emotionally atached to me as I am to her, but she is more thinking about herself. Today she told me that she will go to therapy. Thank you for your responses.",0.9997727272727276,3.464098143939399,3.092651515151516,87.58397727272728,86.5,7.2393939393939375,23.40151515151515,8.278499904357787,1.7245515151515156,513,20,107,13,16,173,90,132,0.145,0.782,0.073,-0.5822,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,2,0,0,8,7,0,1,1,0,14,2,0,0,2,16,24,8,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,1,0,6,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,3,1,0,3,0,29,4,15,19,4,16,0,1,0,1,18,5,0,1,9,83,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160453080175921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997473389255523,0.14475240169963555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27694195604266875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391843343258906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279738214421903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956058430348069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20745137933957747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20361015672601346,0.0,0.1870301279028025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945694505689699,0.0,0.20574256064193824,0.0,0.1447690025338864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989550339177468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843159146387802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633672040364548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447922748166706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19515773683624035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17872401924439246,0.19433534770884345,0.0,0.1545802375717202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20448804009884064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666482725958232,0.206998951390638,0.0,0.2405079583139268,0.11598291367611956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715748572533057,0.17296134242979788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274834561950188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979043380601602,0.0,0.0 bpd,falalabeline,2020/01/19,"Never thought I’d post something on here but I’m struggling. I feel like all the problems in my family is because of me. I know it’s not rational but I can’t help but succumb to it :( I don’t really have anyone as close anymore nor can I trust them. I always feel like I’m being a burden and a trouble. Something big happened in my family and I’m so scared it’s because of me. A family member is a troubled teen and they’re quite aggressive and manipulated in their behaviour with everyone else. Today was the last straw and they were kicked out. I’m so scared that it’s all because of me my family members are like this. I’m scared and feel like if I didn’t leave them when I did, things could’ve been different. I did have to take on a mother role bcos deadbeat dads and I’m the eldest. I just wanted the best for everyone in this family. I’m really hurt and sad that things have become like this. That family member steals, plays mind games and does not care about anyone but themselves and I’ve tried so hard to show them the right path. I just feel so useless and feel like this family has torn apart and somehow I’m to blame. I can’t stop. I’m overthinking to the point of feeling dizzy and nauseous. I want to cry, I’m so upset things happened this way. This family member has also threatened me a few time’s. Idk if it’s because they’re a family member that it hurts me that things have become like this but I know they’re also toxic. Idk help me snap out of it please",1.4717757696753182,3.6201080195439737,3.224049595460756,89.58648313544184,81.18241042345278,6.436860355153936,20.000945676158448,7.601502580125103,0.6677900388777975,1170,31,246,19,31,389,139,307,0.282,0.597,0.121,-0.9962,1,0,2,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,5,2,13,26,1,5,13,0,20,0,0,1,3,47,45,30,0,5,11,2,7,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,23,17,0,1,9,3,0,0,8,15,0,0,7,7,28,11,23,37,4,21,0,4,0,0,11,13,0,3,13,147,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206373573432644,0.06276102958401353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480298631408634,0.10548015921172016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18391758545650172,0.16660565634962565,0.0,0.0,0.07915563398434079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690251434168126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060222056397866375,0.0,0.08285265237924186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880481368878994,0.0,0.0,0.06600638493609844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300930207701408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414682608562746,0.0,0.0,0.6399499430382971,0.0,0.2288279361417609,0.2155393050559332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339910576894745,0.0,0.06756747868615913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111381046923733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149161493366146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290504765433862,0.06148280099700345,0.0,0.07986595002923426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25794761821633383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615943235159724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058173695808088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279583060586614,0.07130258074971016,0.0,0.07223789751587151,0.0,0.0,0.07217313411116097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022554523557404,0.0,0.0,0.0966405090976991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441396183823479,0.0,0.0,0.22654575707810065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116134267161468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306007133187659,0.0,0.07885232965534883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056711466922813425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004405050993304,0.0,0.0,0.059880348677830035,0.0439818963281415,0.0,0.0714956612897385,0.0,0.0,0.051209756030458416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897720534423922,0.05987017776247632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gingerdemontor,2020/01/19,"The woods in the chronicles of narnia Do any of you remember the woods in the first book of the narnia series? It’s described as being a quiet clearing filled with sunlight-filtered trees and still ponds every few feet or so that are portals to completely different worlds with five enormous suns or intelligent animals or strange curses. When I’m in between bpd episodes (particularly in between favorite people and/or obsessions) I inhabit these woods. I am alone, time has stopped, the days are all evenings. In these woods there is no need to act or think, just to be, and no one in particular you have to be, either- I form a new sense of identity when I enter the pools. But not now. Now I merely exist in the least intelligent and sentient way possible, and everything I thought was real is represented by a 2x2 pond. I wish I was real.",4.798461538461538,6.954005445859875,5.429554140127388,77.64571288584031,70.97452229299363,8.652425281724645,31.82214600685937,9.265573868473778,3.096236060754532,673,31,118,15,13,217,105,157,0.065,0.86,0.075,0.5574,1,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,0,1,9,1,0,1,11,0,13,1,1,0,2,24,18,13,0,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,3,2,0,3,3,1,0,3,3,1,10,0,21,12,5,23,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,4,10,88,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21486645047843567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108021426286266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612891634262461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175183256911668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379482191865186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167520055422968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370256649281828,0.0,0.17479436956157995,0.0,0.1864520675895548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646574546010838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382928856460984,0.0,0.2003665870566096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058056420029666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382694835008406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338804761564707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4722708023317719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350122380921341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567817647692734,0.17344621846074978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293227395346607,0.0,0.1647004169028063,0.1209718517237501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16467244188201852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23856926910674184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway9162410,2020/01/19,"Do I have BPD? Okay I know everyone says not to self diagnose on the internet, so that’s why I coming here (..). Er, so I think I may have BPD and I don’t want to assume anything and also prefer not to discuss it with my parents as of now (we have other family issues going on and i would just be adding to everything else). Can anyone just explain to me their BPD and I’ll know right away. I don’t want to put anything out there yet because again I don’t want to sound ignorant, so please if you could reply or send me a message with basic symptoms etc it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you please understand where I’m coming from here I’m confused and feeling vulnerable",3.121579296615792,4.699199671532848,4.770922362309225,83.04035169210357,74.18248175182481,7.609555408095554,26.323158593231586,8.296473431620573,1.7472540145985405,533,19,106,9,11,180,88,137,0.047,0.8079999999999999,0.146,0.8848,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,2,1,0,13,5,0,1,2,1,14,2,0,0,0,34,29,12,0,8,6,1,1,0,0,3,2,2,0,1,4,11,0,1,8,0,0,5,5,2,1,0,0,3,16,3,16,23,1,14,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,5,3,75,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138594196423636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739111624357097,0.0,0.22923891696912835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086258141270804,0.0,0.0,0.08490667381568012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.526272694885219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399629100036614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120751691887484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137106104038855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635451271345655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553392834271503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309252090972656,0.12518012711865814,0.0,0.13130524000023247,0.0,0.07042654054596979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915871740349165,0.0,0.0,0.153561897865293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537706259560915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530944813436599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465920068850547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057855969607963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001961643786026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894839165922348,0.0,0.11076480151623468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453043420495282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477015745944286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282346586436316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924802586956879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500030787565846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24646121356288295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568279736860732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19788774065281872,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,moon_quartz,2020/01/19,"I need some help with how to cope with it all Hello. So I've for a while considered going to reddit to ask for help. I got my diagnose in November but I had the thought about me being borderline a year before i got diagnosed. Well long story short I need some help Sorry if i added the wrong flair. But some months ago ( half a year now) I got out of a 2 year long relationship it broke me. I wanted to take a break from dating but woops. I've fallen for a guy, and I do wanna persue it. But I dont wanna rush it, at all. But ever since I found out that ""oh shit, I might actually likelike this person"" my head has been going crazy And I need some way of calming it. I'm trying atm some meditation which helps but I cant do it constantly. I have a really good friend who helps me out and listens and tries to understand what I'm going through, but I want to be able to handle it more myself aswell then relying on my friend. I've known this guy for 2 months, he knows I got BPD, but hes very shy when I speak about it. In a way like, he doesnt know what to respond always. Which is okay, he listens, he askes and he just hugs me if I seem to get upset. But I havent shown the like... really ugly side of it all yet.. I can't get professional help yet.. as I've been somewhat addicted to smoking weed the doctors told me to be clean for 6 months before I can get the proper help. (Been for 2, 4 more to go) And I dont wanna fall back into more... harmful coping. Which is why I'm coming here. Asking How do you guys, deal with your symptoms? How do you all try and make it just more. Bearable for yourselves?",1.2370175438596505,2.78503819883041,3.2782222222222224,91.86400000000002,79.29239766081871,6.314385964912281,19.294736842105266,7.1686216300943375,0.17871157894736894,1232,27,285,15,30,418,173,342,0.08900000000000001,0.752,0.159,0.9737,0,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,3,0,0,16,14,1,1,13,1,24,8,2,4,5,59,58,26,0,10,13,0,0,2,2,1,5,3,1,4,19,15,0,0,7,0,1,8,6,5,1,1,11,3,36,9,41,43,14,40,0,1,0,1,34,10,1,10,21,181,55,2,0.08752247626402633,0.0,0.08540931156470538,0.09541241793049536,0.0,0.0,0.07758339440402308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282571153106056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454651019231009,0.0,0.0,0.06729938180699058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895036193142336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023149498501213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539286353178543,0.0,0.09458070391208524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023182992917488,0.0,0.17766694214866952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958296310109626,0.0,0.0,0.20515138069609734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916909053714166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596387772522716,0.13523929610539456,0.0,0.13718064447288586,0.0,0.19896416086841265,0.07340970061450462,0.279998878394833,0.0,0.0,0.2599830352965073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898233108819045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41065129661609934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620012808842758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551812194312845,0.0,0.0,0.1549092746439066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05842193252940382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284751625389613,0.0,0.0,0.2095788166224476,0.0,0.0,0.1946904214695168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642125037446401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213827887164814,0.0,0.0,0.0939663851351903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967717527644821,0.0,0.0,0.08984056415324343,0.0723994967979167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797424660690653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096936459595632,0.06580600984398284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948306979816919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363147676359824,0.0,0.17826604877113592,0.0,0.0,0.09111398443675807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221520901304422,0.1032460482593811,0.1389425356448906,0.0,0.0,0.0786932171882041,0.0,0.07897542157794196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569208828620976,0.0,0.1690848155307936 bpd,thnksfrth_mmrs,2020/01/19,"This year is a mess already I don't know what happened but I've just spiralled this year, not even 3 weeks in and I've slept with 3 different people. One of which I don't remember the name of and one who was older than any one I've slept with before. (8 years) I've started piling up debt buying things I definitely don't need. About £200 in a week. I'm seeing my doctor this week so I will be speaking to him but mainly to tell him the meds aren't working and see what the else I can do. I know it will take time so I guess I just needed to get it off my chest and see if anyone has any suggestions",0.7206140350877206,2.263878398496246,2.750545112781957,95.0831610275689,80.80451127819549,5.636340852130326,18.60213032581453,6.42735559955562,-0.2429944862155389,469,10,113,4,12,158,82,133,0.042,0.888,0.07,0.6652,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,5,0,12,4,3,0,0,19,27,9,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,10,6,0,0,3,0,2,0,5,1,0,3,3,4,12,0,13,21,1,13,0,0,3,0,7,4,0,2,9,69,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729797380119106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21851560511830068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234079939653163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367141979865097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786087226743054,0.0,0.1644475756193207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421510581039758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061178076775903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394090284036007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17699076188329999,0.0,0.1420756499882196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17659471500799728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178462747774063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382623265157732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266125645038763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138497632445928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820022803524584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3840879382590617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137196108626048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208001879532795,0.0,0.1404284112851024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673877790185096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368513338250238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866276450364831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696613320234694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103892417211058 bpd,trashymother,2020/01/19,"what is happening/am i dissociating what is happening/am i dissociating im in the process of diagnosing bpd and im currently in a really bad episode of something, and its been like this for the past few weeks. ive heard people talk about the symptoms of dissociating but i just, cant understand any words. i feel like ive lost the ability to function, im having issues breathing without thinking about it, i cant understand words as well, im constantly in a state of confusion, i cant really write because i feel like i dont have any control of my body and im stuttering in pretty much every sentence when ive never done that before. i get a really weird sensation whenever someone touches me, as if i cant place that the person is touching me it just feels off. my attention span has gone out the window and i cant focus at all, being around people makes me freak out because i cant understand anything thats happening. my emotions have pretty much gone away and all i feel is just a steady sense of panic and i cant stop crying. i think ive experienced this before but i honestly couldnt say because i cant really remember anything at all. i feel like i am dying at the same time that i feel nothing at all is this what dissociating is like or am i experiencing something else? what is happening to me and what should i do",3.9166791044776126,5.269256861940299,6.0151044776119456,75.80414925373138,71.79850746268656,9.53910447761194,30.19104477611941,9.888512548439397,3.075815820895522,1061,45,204,28,20,372,123,268,0.084,0.764,0.153,0.953,1,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,8,14,0,2,11,0,32,4,2,2,5,46,51,14,1,3,8,0,8,5,0,1,2,2,1,1,15,10,0,2,13,0,0,2,12,7,1,0,6,12,33,7,27,42,8,26,0,1,0,0,5,15,0,3,13,139,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219651492231795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787095478253334,0.07998185298328399,0.0,0.0,0.08441313156879952,0.0,0.07501753006386798,0.1643075847312334,0.0,0.15290439806627926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979848262848287,0.11315770012287266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709144316829907,0.10076975807459887,0.0,0.0,0.09869144499129937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119164429431194,0.09324580520433316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194349612917836,0.10529866450490707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505467708396256,0.10106448587394427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569900180570995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725725613325719,0.1925576748981669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046940747233918514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589007730087237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4852446663378371,0.09377572243716303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21947071477229685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807735624768373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05997280108248412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209407188291014,0.0,0.06929465665752092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620951413660677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541474404425076,0.0,0.0,0.08576802801119122,0.12457559645852415,0.07844992879815672,0.09386978825514787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18281105479105336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230230202984698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177783117569424,0.0,0.0,0.0714490243325882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761260952947948,0.13833544624145874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511515180600982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338423724287807,0.0,0.07221468917531138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513918292997904,0.0,0.0,0.05238983638343151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805980884854173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720689197010344,0.0,0.08078220724029593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660819113931292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thesheep81,2020/01/19,"un-FP persons without being close? Hi, inspired by [u/idahobeachhouse](https://www.reddit.com/user/idahobeachhouse/)'s post I'm thinking about how to un-FP my current FP. After meeting the FP yesterday there a little attachment while at the meeting I was unsure if I even like her. But she's the only FP in the last 20 years who I hadn't sex with and sometimes I'll ask myself if there is any other way out as being close and drama at the end.",3.6645,6.109885023529412,4.518455882352941,81.59180147058824,75.23529411764707,6.132352941176473,24.742647058823533,7.1686216300943375,1.2195000000000005,357,12,63,4,8,115,64,85,0.026000000000000002,0.875,0.099,0.6815,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,6,0,5,1,0,1,0,13,8,8,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,7,2,11,4,0,16,0,0,0,1,8,7,0,2,8,41,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21413146198776573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943734071201639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27889316776728623,0.0,0.0,0.20797746951424384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566719406024494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538360895073566,0.3155958191521695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23948296140331565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27494397785508906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015711880358748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114276645934433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017645232234871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499397304826331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035362931678795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20277454045454207 bpd,throwawayhehex97,2020/01/19,How to handle splitting on ur S/O because you feel a change in the relationship? Idk! Idk! Idk! Things with my boyfriend have always seemed so great. It was very very intense and extremely passionate and so so so so loving. And lately it just seems less of that every day and slowly... but any time I bring it up he assures me he loves me. The fear of abandonment has been kicking in because it hurts and it’s scary. I’m tired of asking for reassurance because I don’t want to ruin the relationship. I feel myself splitting on him because I’m terrified. And I don’t know how to cope. Any advice please?,0.6363958916900074,3.144392084033612,2.3580812324929994,89.93144491129786,94.54621848739497,4.9973856209150345,20.8968253968254,6.691623216298621,0.6659239962651724,474,17,93,7,18,155,77,119,0.242,0.5870000000000001,0.171,-0.9306,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,8,10,0,1,4,0,6,4,0,2,1,19,18,14,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,2,10,6,13,16,1,9,0,3,0,3,11,5,0,2,3,56,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16208119377363134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801282703010193,0.0,0.0,0.22558754644515824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506122742190392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044386473205295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754629989209912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696909471465356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397482742986053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18664404869680912,0.16773248505594102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182866562372459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756173270561207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115497369688697,0.0,0.1871027545870232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993989725946544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820697768019356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35615351187542593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019942264480452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019322397774428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671711714458286,0.19063722420006946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737117136496252,0.09783137507613723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,janismargaret,2020/01/19,"Talking about suicide versus actual risk of suicide.... I wish there were statistics on this - how often borderlines talk about it versus actually attempting/doing it. I've talked about it a lot even mentioning specific ways, but I don't believe I actually would. It's very difficult to get myself out of this when I'm talking with a therapist or intake person who isn't knowledgeable in BPD.",8.474154929577463,8.78459947887324,9.115598591549297,61.32297535211272,61.25352112676056,13.297183098591551,38.87676056338028,12.602617957971056,5.620123943661971,317,15,48,11,4,107,54,71,0.121,0.851,0.027999999999999997,-0.7302,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,12,7,4,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,10,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,3,1,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.5078643650297753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954487046579885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21848768470025684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457964762906266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063435515305064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748358812733092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514730618366878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795104529932457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5577356281412531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20141968471945515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313634972972528,0.0,0.13769763770128784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19948951025853645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232327879804664,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheOneNamedZoe,2020/01/19,"Is it okay to sacrifice small things for happiness? I have BPD. But I also have Bipolar I and PMDD, Anxiety, And C-PTSD. They're all strong enough for BPD to not just blanket it. I finally found my center: Lamotrigine and Prozac and Hydroxyzine. I have been so happy, felt so normal. I've been exercising and doing my best to be my best. Well... with a few side effects. When I wake up in the morning, I am shook with tremors until I fully wake up. And today, after I had my nap, my vision is incredibly blurry. I cleaned my glasses and splashed water on my face but it just feels impossible to see some things around me that I was able to see just fine yesterday. Is it okay to accept these flaws so I can be happy? Or is this not an okay decision?",1.7506000000000022,3.9366928600000013,3.649999999999999,86.705,80.4,6.933333333333334,22.666666666666664,8.021203637495839,1.2428666666666666,579,19,120,11,15,195,94,150,0.025,0.764,0.21100000000000002,0.9818,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,4,10,13,0,1,3,3,16,7,3,1,1,27,21,16,0,1,8,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,9,10,1,0,6,2,0,1,2,1,1,0,6,4,20,12,17,13,6,15,1,0,2,0,0,8,0,2,6,92,29,0,0.1645045554799713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155423358347415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584553467340914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644393136827089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452747637033799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4143754577441133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16997718065035927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317844605951519,0.0,0.15795017102001288,0.180206699609162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18037075413291767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5253544747746269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117953674607707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19229702213126013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262177664481881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21857903395874675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593108358221766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790935157938614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,smackcity101,2020/01/19,"what was it like when you started medication? hi! i’m finally getting medical treatment for my bpd, and i feel like i have all of these false beliefs on how it’s going to affect me. i just want to know, for those that do take medication, how has it helped? has it helped with relationships (or relationship stability), do episodes occur less, do you feel a mental relief? please let me know. i also understand that medication can affect everyone differently in ways, but i do want to hear your experience. thank you!",4.735710526315792,6.960048294736843,6.18230263157895,71.88924342105265,71.31578947368422,9.802631578947368,29.769736842105264,10.125756701596842,3.3973421052631583,408,17,72,12,8,138,67,95,0.0,0.8490000000000001,0.151,0.88,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,4,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,10,4,0,4,1,18,24,7,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,9,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,12,4,9,22,2,7,1,0,0,0,10,2,0,1,5,51,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212332519810624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923347785994608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955100644169748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592237517471465,0.0,0.14938114248156728,0.0,0.0,0.15443103792100787,0.10909712059350422,0.0,0.1672879753070274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978545177858437,0.0,0.08678946029684349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211695052561302,0.0,0.20471858850186925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678524848061186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615784736997332,0.0,0.14921424273897133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6153630496075815,0.15389726608554313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763136011603058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279099840426881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808998023303623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482003701008757,0.0,0.0,0.14059622464953972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897804911691815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801463895226797,0.12121527443196355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ghostographic,2020/01/19,vent/help? idk i feel like im suffocating my fiancé. we're the only people we have and i know he wants friends. i want friends too i just dont know how. i feel like hes going to resent me because i think he feels like he cant party with me like he can with other people because i dont drink a lot because of my meds and other health issues. im scared for my 21st birthday in a few months. i dont want to be alone. i feel like im forcing him to stay and i know he'd say im not but im scared. i know he wants friends and i want him to have friends but then i feel like im not enough even though i know that's not what it is but like what if it is,-2.622139037433154,-0.9168455816993448,0.3105080213903761,105.2231951871658,99.58823529411764,3.0432560903149133,13.490493166963756,4.347061598140703,-1.6660562091503266,498,10,137,1,22,171,73,153,0.079,0.7040000000000001,0.217,0.9511,0,1,1,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,0,5,14,1,2,3,0,12,2,0,1,0,33,29,11,0,6,8,0,5,7,4,0,1,1,0,0,7,7,1,0,11,1,0,1,7,3,0,0,0,6,24,11,9,27,3,5,0,0,0,0,15,1,0,2,9,73,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976219941201953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849653562839078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304723733069727,0.08490191860666277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955150025134496,0.0,0.05724358098931099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21911043013847675,0.30957917970271154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678387899194348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04925558031114091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212432794298407,0.0,0.0,0.058091920624052815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5616996829879037,0.0904591663047832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381530982424207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963922038551925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736822716447214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626892016858836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917779355239782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659151317143603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016974441450234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892209418857799,0.17354013366157522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237685399039944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055533533766369776,0.08515114422411825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555959826961598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shinebrightlike,2020/01/19,"Facts: Checked I woke up this morning feeling like a pile of steaming useless garbage with zero redeeming qualities! It may have something to do with seeing my mom on Friday, the person who abandoned me first, reminded me of what a burden I was growing up, and threw me to wolves (adult male predators) repeatedly throughout my life just to get me out of the house! Then, I used my DBT skills and checked the facts! Turns out I'm worthy of love and affection just like everyone else! Also I decided that was the last time I will ever see my mom alone! Boundaries! The end. Fuck you, bpd, I win this round!",3.7743478260869563,5.912730130434787,4.081086956521741,86.2859782608696,73.78260869565217,7.034782608695654,28.89130434782609,7.908726449838941,1.922147826086957,475,20,90,7,10,148,81,115,0.109,0.711,0.18100000000000002,0.858,0,1,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,3,4,8,1,0,7,0,6,3,0,2,3,18,17,5,0,0,2,2,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,3,6,7,0,1,2,0,2,2,0,4,0,2,4,4,15,4,14,11,0,14,0,2,3,2,8,5,1,1,9,58,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20695695778274026,0.0,0.15979883897264338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516707947838522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16692695427227205,0.0,0.176984374720747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18075186171163046,0.0,0.19093998705999424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103680243346336,0.14275400033384267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996982894243284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18473367313800246,0.10439956937336416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23056957418295726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288288192771472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411412989526529,0.19524740838156893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18034857608375104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4680619067716916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744782362130912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31846703255034403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383394883672438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651873223737508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217350666421302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258340894789168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mindlikeadiamond7,2020/01/19,"Topamax input please help Hi-I understand no one here is an MD just looking for others experiences and I am working w a psychiatrist/MD/therapist. Just again looking for anecdotal advice/opinions as I’m sort of stuck. I’ve been taking topamax since last may and I seem to be on a weird cycle. It’s like I’ll take a certain dosage for a few months, I’m fine and then I’ll hit a wall and feel shitty again. I bump it up it seems to work better for probably a month a half or maybe a bit longer and then I’m in the same spot. I’ve added some other therapies and of them meditation/mindfulness and trauma work seems to be the most beneficial as that’s where my bpd and hyper vigilance symptoms seem to stem from. The last time I spoke w my provider he had said that he felt bc I was at a lower ish dose of topamax than most adults (I’m a petite woman who’s sensitive to medication) but I’m still at a reasonably high dose in my opinion, he recommended we just keep upping it to get closer to a therapeutic window. I guess I just am wondering if anyone else has experienced this or can offer me any input? I feel like I can’t just keep upping my medication forever? There are certain side effects of this medication I don’t like and while I do find some relief w this med knowing I just am going through the same cycle over and over I find it hard to want to keep upping my dose... Again I am not seeking medical advice just wanting your PERSONAL input. I am working w an md and care team on this and they have heard my concerns. Thank you!!",1.5248225108225102,3.7976676698412746,3.641298701298705,85.95779220779222,81.82539682539681,6.738816738816737,22.87878787878788,7.898369717300924,1.2783333333333338,1216,42,249,23,33,414,173,315,0.040999999999999995,0.83,0.129,0.9769,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,2,2,7,14,12,0,0,18,0,19,8,0,2,2,56,53,21,0,3,12,0,4,3,0,1,8,3,1,3,14,13,0,3,14,1,0,1,4,2,0,2,8,10,27,10,34,41,8,30,0,0,2,0,18,17,0,16,15,156,41,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998786597410838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950646545918854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146777355956167,0.10472646549042294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039664776840203,0.11158710555854952,0.0,0.12873021427872433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421014761838812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538353689715908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998122347336467,0.0,0.0,0.10336113285188707,0.07301901306388589,0.09813785532309924,0.0,0.18683660812870628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05340062976946587,0.0,0.05808843258875295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259609830407268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915602953734711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850936673175734,0.10799072612882886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725474622605806,0.0,0.0,0.056172072710017264,0.16662996841488278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980427550152298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166171196942828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268392011180726,0.0,0.11353253061440895,0.4118642390732724,0.0,0.0,0.10320320155762387,0.0,0.16316647056123376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926030117600482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924603569506523,0.0,0.1121961460361237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101999217372892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508914576053058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722534040167324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721934406443549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084549363480327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162522654791743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623557086682987,0.1536987545926972,0.0,0.0,0.0941014529858182,0.11688631264509128,0.11867396191899908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059599610599572826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640446037611116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057249080826465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084264101038452,0.29764107667907314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,forvirradritunge,2020/01/19,"I don't know what's wrong with me I'm trying to write something proper, but it's hard to get the words out, I dont know which ones matter, or which are just uneccessary. I don't even know if I have BPD so again it feels like I really shouldn't be posting here, even if I feel like it's the place to go. I've been going to an eating disorder clinic for over a year, and at current don't really have any symptoms, yet I don't think I've ever felt worse, or so down. I got a first boyfriend since I was 12 years old just a couple of months ago(im 22), and it's starting to rly pull at the seems. More and more arguments when we're drunk and they all seem to start with me, my negativity, how i react, what I say, what I do. It all seems to start with me, and end with me. There's so much crying, loneliness, hopelessness. I don't know what to do. Yesterday we had one of our fits and after coming home from drinking, crying, he wants to go for a walk by himself to gather his thoughts but is afraid to leave me alone because of my self harming. I wanted nothing more than to cut myself and watch the blood drip off my body, but having him say that just made me realize that I'm really not healthy, i really dont have it well, i dont think i should be in a relationship and ive done good all these years staying by myself not letting anyone in. yet now here i am with this absolutely amazing person, and i manage to fullfill my own prophecy that it's not gonna last by acting like i do. i really want to stop, i dont wanna be so fucking pessimistic, i dont wanna be so fucking negative, i dont wanna be manipulative ( i dont know if i am) i dont wanna be needy i dont want to be unwell. yet here i am and im dragging him down with me. and then i think maybe he's the fault, maybe he is the toxic one, maybe im being used. i just want to go back to being alone, despite how fucking lonely it was. not cutting is making it impossible for me to cope with all these feelings. instead i just keep having all these feelings gnaw on me from the inside, making me so angry, more negative, so just fucking depressed. yet i stay quiet, and yet i still am somehow fucking everything up. my life is wastefull and i see no future for it. idk i just feel so hopeless right now. i wanna punch the wall i wanna cut open my skin i wanna bleed i just wanna fucking have some outlet i have no idea how to deal or how to get better. im also unable to use my therapist or group therapy that ive been going to every week for the past year and yet it has done nothing. i dont wanna be me, im so tired",2.8898426773455377,3.4555465597826114,4.739755911517925,86.95383295194509,73.43840579710144,7.404729214340199,24.127765064836005,7.475848149327749,0.9163905797101446,1999,53,448,22,38,686,239,552,0.19699999999999998,0.736,0.067,-0.9979,1,4,2,0,0,3,58.0,2,0,1,2,44,24,9,1,15,0,57,17,3,11,6,107,108,40,0,19,22,0,8,3,0,3,5,3,1,2,25,25,3,2,20,2,0,9,25,17,1,4,11,13,71,7,64,83,12,61,0,4,2,6,19,16,6,12,36,324,96,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04672643580272134,0.0,0.0,0.10918847053257393,0.0,0.042154153712050585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03584629611432937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0368577938285771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04053264577714985,0.0,0.0321330404545514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04661990769119885,0.0,0.058551685575248376,0.06638952721032372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04540713673155072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583253599724126,0.11580437505466158,0.0,0.05434425550642096,0.04540118447680232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041307245874514,0.0,0.0,0.10788634324402564,0.6177863764258527,0.05163816561240174,0.0,0.05393802992461218,0.0,0.0,0.046687614156487985,0.0,0.0,0.06963219592403888,0.0476814588348529,0.04441254050513079,0.0,0.04737458091388442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326507650920538,0.07531561695655517,0.05061225022300394,0.0,0.0,0.044837211219518655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923910475188448,0.055080193612546666,0.0,0.14978859460321114,0.04421272991998365,0.042158988133521605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0472200310948055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05287491848940322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05950597726472144,0.28469263642261505,0.0,0.0,0.0468532769954484,0.0,0.0,0.14484701087995927,0.042967709189790336,0.0,0.05581490854962376,0.0,0.053902085377207434,0.037232385725826,0.07725796993623825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049877826069152,0.07037198361263113,0.0,0.15887032302063586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04207460112543232,0.0,0.03874974027428249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115809844749866,0.0,0.05531288384754873,0.0,0.10715802832962908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05032002968637424,0.0,0.04602650705111348,0.05507332558743647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05048398775935928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688448323566782,0.0,0.0,0.056593479782132076,0.0,0.045016172574219866,0.0,0.08383816461325633,0.0,0.0,0.0420050243439067,0.14396239468883335,0.05499061606671022,0.0,0.0,0.04360431075830526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0405806448099736,0.0,0.0,0.11193050060054972,0.11236898678835172,0.042096257116596966,0.044069996202800936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478845321811398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06028131839401606,0.06120325572456109,0.0,0.10132809225272316,0.0,0.041847823561220736,0.0,0.06058524503479884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035788315904867286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105332173514187,0.0,0.0,0.15545594140781996,0.0,0.042282774396396015,0.0,0.04739485284577279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053718523659686414,0.0,0.05763282535498423,0.0,0.13578044354819507 bpd,fvaud-,2020/01/19,"Alone I know people on the internet tend to be creeps or liars or everything in between, but this is officially an open invitation to everyone and anyone who would like a new friend. I’m 20 years old, i’m a male, and I live in Texas. my number is 936-402-7723. I’d like to talk to more people who know and understand what it is i deal with. someone i can relate to. being alone seems way too common in the world of bpd.",2.3041233766233766,3.627837659090911,4.196948051948056,87.3636363636364,75.81818181818181,7.755844155844157,21.662337662337666,8.418075326091056,1.0127383116883115,326,8,73,6,7,111,63,88,0.07,0.7909999999999999,0.138,0.7935,0,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,13,14,6,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,12,11,1,11,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,3,6,42,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44702838796051003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089945008483538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718052847661939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22249075214128974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20621581300551067,0.1939562156420222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673435933398334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23720719031502405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108678421768896,0.0,0.19056428516971954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20843075364633226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22645641228613114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992311211129273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964654232288653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182855209917418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734599955132015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22466594043184165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17130002397332714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330531364051428,0.0,0.0,0.13897463830168055 bpd,tric21,2020/01/19,"Lost a friend last night due to my actions. To keep it short, I got way too intoxicated last night and ended up getting the cops called on me, arrested, and I’m custody or “the drunk tank”. I don’t know what set my off last night but boy, it was fucking ugly. I was getting into an argument with her friend, and sort of fought her roommate, but to be fair she threw the first punch. Anyways, I just got out of custody and I noticed she deleted me off of everything. Which I understand. I say I lost a good friend because she also has bpd and she would give me good advice and support with it. I’m upset with myself, but am I surprised? Not really. It seems all of my friendships end on bad terms. Why do I have to be like this.",1.625052732502397,3.5574140604026847,3.1325263662512017,91.56001677852349,79.53691275167785,5.867881112176415,23.394534995206136,6.868970318607317,0.6601232981783314,561,19,122,6,14,184,92,149,0.158,0.65,0.192,0.7827,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,3,4,14,2,1,6,0,10,3,0,0,1,24,27,11,0,1,6,0,0,1,3,1,1,1,0,1,7,11,1,1,3,1,0,2,2,6,0,1,8,1,23,8,18,16,2,23,0,2,0,1,14,8,1,3,12,81,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674776901075447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190998431209352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684407231715785,0.08530613798423199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17624955773861786,0.0,0.14289440777206286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478906445856619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576906757706344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903291045645968,0.0,0.0,0.32435193948923585,0.12937229454044066,0.14622577042330856,0.1342432197088427,0.0,0.2347501005731617,0.22384563727049286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243851206063209,0.0,0.0,0.07690737584702588,0.3422093842188622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836762566434826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055221278632734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.393972690006728,0.0,0.0,0.15932264153480713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964916088357996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128592155726406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739613942681022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15880227757625687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568249721157633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107787507474047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262741027618808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940937591174233,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,alwaysanonymus,2020/01/19,"Is it too late to rekindle friendship Yknow what, this isall just stupid ramblings so ig if ya scroll past but I don't know who to talk to and I'I'mopen to advice or whatever I miss my old friend. She decided that we had grown apart as a result of me being withdrawn for near 2 months after we had a minor fight. Shes also been getting closer with an ex mutual friend who she knows I want nothing to do with. I was already fairly certain the friendship would end soon before it did. But now i have 4 friends outside of my boyf, 2 are always working and are busy all the time, another is in another state and the 4th doesn't drive, nor do I and we live too far apart for reliable public transport. I've been spiraling as a result of having few friends and missing my old friends. I haven't reached out to her though because I don't want to overstep boundaries. I've posted on snap asking if anyone wants to hang, I got nothing, I posted the same on my private Instagram story but also had a near invisible caption about how 2019 Me fucked 2020 Me up for having friends. Anyway, 2 people replied, the friend in a different state and a guy who tried to slide into my dms a few months ago. I'm on hey vina in an attempt to make more friends but idk how that'll go. I guess my main question is is it too late to message that friend, especially if she's seen one of my posts about someone having coffee",5.284165454167535,5.38029704240283,5.746169195593435,83.51562045312825,67.97526501766785,8.213593847432966,31.134691332363328,7.724431198458867,1.9628405321139053,1105,41,223,11,17,356,165,283,0.066,0.769,0.165,0.9855,1,1,0,0,1,0,19.0,3,1,0,2,15,15,3,0,14,0,27,1,0,5,2,39,43,23,0,7,9,1,0,0,10,2,0,0,0,1,11,13,0,0,4,0,0,6,5,5,0,1,9,1,30,10,36,31,6,39,0,2,1,1,31,15,1,6,13,151,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564146283385856,0.08675950700303045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800653145048718,0.15653980584474525,0.08143911307458968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20525910909515746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843586434213865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149909544815572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05966315856222334,0.0,0.08328367215925224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225762985982108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668742474744237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6805557602181435,0.09048305204194927,0.051135191047224096,0.0,0.055624121117727236,0.0,0.07827887925485474,0.0,0.10781938383136734,0.0969107721428715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757811965684712,0.0,0.22081255366294825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642464608717715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533173887726351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562443866424351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18782572648431847,0.0,0.20540486134188415,0.0,0.06632204054358122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343192762229527,0.06785359522489175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812090724001217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964142027534704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829284290507781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866751479250353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616083151829384,0.0,0.05707118975012423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645010669087169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17318608542082234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125352914933478,0.0,0.0,0.06952697071681113,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Yesitmesilly,2020/01/19,"Could spending time with someone with bpd make u start showing symptoms? I've been with my bf wBPD for 4 months. I seem to have gotten really insecure since. We uswd to see each other almost every day initially but these days i have to beg to see him and he is just not into it. Most weekends he claims something has come up at a time when we were scheduled to meet. I feel like he just wants me for the security of having a gf. Tldr bf with bpd is distant makes excuses not to see me. I feel like im displaying bpd associated behaviours like insecurity and clinginess",3.6460963618485738,5.310056893805308,5.179233038348084,80.29288102261556,72.98230088495575,8.208062930186825,27.59980334316617,8.841846274778883,2.170129596853492,451,17,88,9,9,152,80,113,0.05,0.8390000000000001,0.111,0.7966,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,2,3,0,9,1,0,2,0,25,21,4,0,2,5,0,2,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,11,0,1,3,2,1,1,2,2,0,0,3,5,10,4,16,17,2,13,0,0,3,0,11,3,0,3,12,51,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15819237756098903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5969041516526721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608425690324075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613276194832565,0.0,0.0,0.20376577843399155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310347242455162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975707973066375,0.2257193583320643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17064359773417045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315405503496685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109033906574821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260967160846386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120489948112224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776645876949484,0.14381744745738995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306812244604464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385444172521713,0.12161935966736336,0.0,0.0,0.1118178043911598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419986988266513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18423675282499846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931796532018611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,youngenthusiast9,2020/01/19,Question What is BPD?,0.5874999999999986,1.7917427500000045,0.7199999999999989,97.025,121.5,1.6,29.0,3.1291,0.5838000000000001,17,1,3,0,1,5,4,4,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7472017673003526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6645972607099955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,danteh11,2020/01/19,"Is mutual forgiveness an impossibility between ex lovers? For persons with BPD and non-BPD partners, is mutual forgiveness an impossibility? I seem to be waiting for an impossibility as while I accept my ex's condition, my ex seems to think I am the cause of her pain and has blocked me from all communication believing my ""mistreatment"" caused her condition. Still hoping she'd reach out and we can work our issues together.",9.611,9.668522333333339,10.445166666666667,53.57175000000001,59.0,14.433333333333332,40.08333333333333,13.427899808715575,5.9829333333333325,345,16,55,13,4,119,55,75,0.067,0.754,0.179,0.7941,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,4,0,7,2,0,2,1,18,12,5,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,12,5,10,10,1,3,0,0,0,1,13,1,0,3,2,38,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476351679750364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5536515025351789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4515827009375694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183073244798364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294102370951368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338787648508778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919176552091215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4001886014116234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552961274957612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083659698066472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16001432748604594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mrsjtkirk,2020/01/19,"Do you guys get way too attached to new people as well? If I've hung out with someone a few times I immediately put them in the ""friend"" category and feel like I have a connection with them. Recently I was kind of hurt because I casually found out someone I've hung out with a few times referred to me as an aquaintance. It took me a few seconds to realize that that is indeed a valid word and the proper way to describe the relationship I have with that person. Yet I never find myself referring to people as aquaintances, always as friends.",8.321037735849053,6.711265632075473,8.708188679245286,70.38869811320755,62.49056603773585,11.498867924528305,38.181132075471695,10.355215969177356,3.8336966037735856,431,18,81,8,5,144,67,106,0.037000000000000005,0.87,0.09300000000000001,0.5729,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,2,0,3,7,0,0,9,0,5,0,0,0,1,18,9,7,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,9,0,0,6,1,0,2,1,1,1,1,3,1,12,6,18,6,3,14,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,1,7,59,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16279946563942846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926861633910775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892833704335594,0.13977496832022065,0.0,0.0,0.17882384249290492,0.0,0.0,0.214524069671344,0.3023229663883249,0.0,0.10222092878434892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19372782099325905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094512214881287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037431126036969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558646432785524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509001151606306,0.1889634625419109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712831372367474,0.17083717361489034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19668590420971271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931843225620703,0.21005874115700435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315533145214561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281743708632221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21737834456548125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106014357021143,0.0,0.0,0.1759160801638452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,smooshrooms,2020/01/19,"DAE make plans for things and ultimately never follow through? I’ve noticed that I tend to map out a plan for me to do something (clean my room, go on a diet, etc.) but I ultimately never end up completely it. Like I’ll make lists of all the things I have to do (put clothes away, sort nail polish, vacuum the floor, make my bed, etc) and I’ll get started on it, but I’ll lose interest in maybe a few days and just completely stop. I noticed this because I’m trying to go on a diet (..again) and I find myself making lists of good vs bad foods, what to cut out of my diet, and other things. I do this every time I decide to go on a diet, but I end up quitting after maybe a week. Is this a BPD thing? Am I just lazy? Do I just have a problem completing tasks??",1.6422455805064509,2.8826704534161496,3.8250931677018656,89.69691352126137,77.38509316770187,6.692976588628763,21.70138557095079,7.321109707123232,0.5644033444816059,577,15,132,7,13,199,90,161,0.135,0.794,0.071,-0.8868,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,4,4,7,1,0,10,0,8,5,0,4,3,26,20,8,0,1,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,12,7,5,1,2,0,0,5,2,4,0,0,0,0,15,3,23,20,4,29,0,1,0,0,0,13,0,1,12,86,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891064601015762,0.0,0.1056752995203187,0.07715198129979581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940239359166142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3980985048583119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162303627269718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241955248167773,0.0,0.28230368595317423,0.0,0.0,0.10663527154782312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567681570769064,0.0,0.1530411786594378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612424481889352,0.0,0.2157869909527237,0.10615552290559374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06183257033324159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159226800175154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379286794469665,0.0,0.25430024708507337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19522726464619106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881869406067727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211042495902906,0.0,0.12723135112405468,0.0,0.1346159422530005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743482425639163,0.0,0.0,0.08958235061742313,0.0,0.0,0.10581281680236937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33633286480487506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380023904980802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592836035384918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152166658951084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,depresseoespresso,2020/01/19,"Dissociating for no reason So I'm coping pretty well, looking after myself well and all that. I haven't dissociated in ages, it's not a regular thing for me anymore but when I look at the past week I think that's what's been happening. In the last few days I've felt kinda off, and that my brain isn't working. Like my brain isn't connected to the rest of my body. I keep bumping into things, dropping things, spilling things that kinda thing. My memory is shit, I can barely recall things that have been said to me and putting 2 and 2 together is just not happening. And Ive just felt disconnected with myself. I've basically felt stoned everyday when I haven't smoked anything. But the thing is my mood has been fine and I have nothing stressful happening in my life. So I don't understand what's going on ?",3.6315623506927857,5.3660857826087005,4.851180124223603,82.34039178213091,73.16149068322981,8.183659818442429,26.04921165790731,8.841846274778883,1.9306766364070715,645,22,128,13,13,213,91,161,0.061,0.8640000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.0207,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,8,7,1,1,5,0,16,5,4,1,1,24,30,12,0,0,6,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,15,8,0,1,6,0,0,2,8,2,2,0,7,6,19,4,14,23,3,19,0,0,2,0,1,7,1,2,10,90,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329418029892095,0.0,0.0,0.10230654801465112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809389774801434,0.0,0.2775693016034493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017751084637671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35810632119771096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706551507910774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.329813037062416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050325159732008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133915669593692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781242105710356,0.06073752956199615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20879861279994014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929046931910806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867957285801392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264803353849657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497811280466067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782389039110414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825884742712298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761491476047293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424106187899795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5781588508314971,0.07966062276474191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294237571521768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972374094156904,0.0,0.22356111180625304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050801604195093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aoiwa20,2020/01/19,"fp ghosted me I’m on the verge of a panic attack. My fp and I usually text every day, literally all day. In the last few days we barely texted, and now it’s been 24 hours he hasn’t replied. I’m trying to be rational and think that maybe he’s studying or in a bad mood cause he has an exam tomorrow, but he’s being all active on social networks, so he’s literally ignoring me. We were having such a chill conversation I don’t understand what I did wrong and I don’t know how to get distracted. Why can’t he just at least tell me what I did wrong",0.5703954802259901,2.5172372542372905,3.4450000000000003,87.87789548022602,83.23728813559322,6.984180790960453,20.850282485875713,8.07648339933343,1.0135401129943509,428,13,96,9,12,152,79,118,0.18600000000000005,0.784,0.03,-0.9534,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,0,0,5,8,1,2,6,0,12,0,0,2,2,17,18,8,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,4,0,11,0,8,12,4,14,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,1,8,56,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389769301123452,0.0,0.0,0.17539378804519126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157925130828769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4064196720123542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769870944383191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974922080238236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068696907654505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544510312693307,0.17122934012957694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21103646660827846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464636100121435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21413272261234864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18360427628908205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459985572254918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426189534487764,0.0,0.0,0.21868293813368955,0.0,0.0,0.2313546608080073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18954913823353414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4593417169040962,0.0,0.0 bpd,Limmerencebad,2020/01/19,"Obsessing and needing constant reassurance in romantic relationships - thought I was finally over it Every relationship I've been in has me obsessed with the person and afraid that they'll leave me. I will constantly analyze their words and texts and try to figure out if they still like me. It's exhausting. I can't focus on anything besides them till late into the relationship. I thought it was a youth/inexperience thing but now it's like I'll never get rid of it. I sort of ""fell into"" dating my friend's brother. Basically, I had sex with him but then he wanted to see me more often and he told everyone we were dating (I do not blame him) and everyone got excited for us. So I kept dating him but was majorly freaked out. He'd constantly tell me how much he liked me and our friends/his family was way involved. After a few weeks I calmed down and started to enjoy being with him more. I was happy that I didn't feel any obsession but was able to be around him and go home and still do my own thing without thinking about him 24/7 like in other relationships I've been in... Now the tide is turning. Things have settled in a bit and I notice that without the constant verbal affirmation I am becoming a bit obsessive. I worry that he's just using me for sex which is ridiculous because initially I was the one that just wanted sex and he wanted more. When I'm home I notice that I feel a bit depressed and bored. He has a huge friend group and there's always something going on there. I overthink everything. I used to stay over at his brother's/my friend's house like half the week. Now when I am over there he usually shows up too. I worry that he thinks I'm being sneaky and trying to see him when I go to his brother's house. So now I really miss my friend's son and animals and being in the city and I'm just bored at home. He used to seem way more into talking about the future and stuff and now he doesn't really talk about that anymore. Maybe cause I was freaked out by it but Idk. I feel horrible as fuck about it but I want him to tell me he loves me even though I don't know if I love him back. Just for the validation.",2.515300527032629,4.496942237875292,4.0009699769053135,86.15250251672886,76.96766743648959,7.304766980517558,24.035589506721145,8.222332236545338,1.4235658080180025,1691,56,347,31,39,560,204,433,0.125,0.7559999999999999,0.12,-0.062,0,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,3,0,4,0,30,30,2,5,15,0,32,7,0,5,1,71,67,38,0,7,15,3,3,5,4,2,1,0,3,1,21,31,0,1,10,1,0,4,8,14,0,2,18,5,59,16,49,42,11,59,0,2,2,6,52,23,1,5,34,239,80,0,0.07562374892516856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292501719795741,0.0,0.0,0.051426742517963614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499843822624949,0.0,0.0,0.06223190180440975,0.06732116970923087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05814999494801521,0.0,0.046099535430522365,0.08352048923164553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476846423410989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768642166652077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268896270364368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513462413668288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049948772940511324,0.0,0.06371627009500086,0.14452346576512348,0.06796574928646143,0.0,0.0712913401453503,0.0,0.11471291908793922,0.0,0.0,0.08284212048787766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337068833070604,0.06991293729646282,0.039510287558268894,0.0,0.12893615779245352,0.0,0.0604832203763951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050288694873921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275703584666204,0.0,0.0,0.17451930564151324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041560834677380434,0.0,0.08530688272623921,0.08007463090441211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847297191086576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650677190650035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597422031804618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555921568400728,0.05607405160296923,0.0583256972273301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219627876427485,0.0,0.0,0.05124460942969945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603174061748199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689302003645034,0.0,0.0,0.3247664197906193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052467370715945,0.06884502079209767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05821885656468726,0.0,0.0,0.053526878722533915,0.08060485429426255,0.12078644715763695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657109969590605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215670096187082,0.13219697962451527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072317544192276,0.09691328951620187,0.07429994935623276,0.12007361878371473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226173288256174,0.0,0.10268712289387302,0.08225692292441583,0.0,0.0,0.09096605865036353,0.19594391498679573,0.08328887539829995,0.0,0.1784193858393486,0.12005322380205832,0.12132161966710815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579719064817775,0.0,0.0,0.15359917579527496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cglez1280,2020/01/19,Weird feeling when friends hangout Have the feeling of disgust and pure agony when one of your friends hangout without you? Like It’s not even my FP that gives me this feeling but just about any friend. If two friends hangout without me then I lose it I want them to feel the same way I. It also makes me feel as threatened by their relationship. Welp i just wanted to see if others had the same feeling.,3.4701989150090387,5.617941734177215,3.150669077757687,92.57493670886076,74.69620253164557,5.020614828209767,30.273056057866178,5.288315135182226,1.0704524412296568,323,15,64,1,7,96,56,79,0.12,0.6409999999999999,0.239,0.8455,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,2,1,7,8,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,21,13,9,0,4,8,0,6,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,3,0,2,1,7,12,5,9,12,2,4,0,1,1,0,10,0,0,2,4,48,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117372488335025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004878997926087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116598669463902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5355636564647521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5455571785639884,0.0,0.0,0.16934695758493912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624531971651406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974957592314795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783743924605462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962362486494975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18953084432745232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067429252529165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244751553091991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082479885963505,0.14012402443643246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403438651315616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bagelsbythelb,2020/01/19,"Body Dysmorphia?? I don’t know if this is a common thing but i haven’t properly shopped for clothes since my junior year of high school (3 years ago) because i refuse to try on clothes fearing they aren’t the size i think i am I can go thrifting and buy clothes that i know are too big but if i go into a regular retailer i will always grab a size i remember myself being when i liked how i look, refuse to try it on, take it home, then 98% of the time it doesn’t fit. When this happens i won’t exchange it for the right size I’ll just get my money back because I’m too embarrassed to tell them it was the wrong size and them ask me if i need a “bigger size”???? Sometimes i won’t even wear the clothes i buy, 9/10 times i will always go for the clothing i know fits me the way i like and that’s it I forget that growing is a completely normal thing and spiral This is already on top of regularly seeing what i look like and having no idea who I’m looking at I know that body dysmorphia is common among people with BPD but i wanted some insight maybe? I’m not good wirh my words or putting my thoughts into words should i say. Is this body dysmorphia? If so is there any type of coping skills i could work on to make shopping and buying new clothes not such an event and just be a normal thing",2.547032967032965,3.74116004029304,3.6572893772893766,91.996043956044,74.97069597069597,6.665201465201466,24.35531135531136,7.07126945348624,0.7372080586080587,1013,31,229,10,21,328,147,273,0.10400000000000001,0.828,0.068,-0.8902,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,3,3,12,7,0,2,14,0,23,4,4,2,0,45,46,20,0,10,12,0,1,3,0,5,0,1,1,0,19,10,0,2,9,2,9,5,9,3,0,0,2,6,35,4,20,36,1,34,0,0,4,0,9,15,0,6,16,143,54,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315107205647847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841231921511914,0.0,0.19365098099691308,0.0,0.0,0.07913258971983707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087861159393822,0.0,0.0,0.08947795382576564,0.0,0.1418707639211005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3877678042875014,0.14655838365203974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220071043512444,0.0,0.0,0.09290845271656284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685837295119614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094363728774785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607962165592961,0.0,0.19839973475042527,0.09760193371145692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290170455890583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294663191178287,0.11672417194643404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136258401003414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25580593426000675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055104432694676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293153357766213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077674933125983,0.0,0.11690487305534518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628360853065449,0.0,0.11238660934815754,0.0,0.0,0.2280271376291487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067324644997644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169795556418924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318195263117129,0.09937557575576499,0.0,0.09253858560512386,0.0,0.11776818682442312,0.09272830718623112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962588163153046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508854131434458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749243978443429,0.0,0.10170865233369897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319243766869057,0.07456236971461465,0.0,0.09238127816542938,0.1357074195006293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800919069748445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863543832646372,0.09236558683795323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471553347236856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722750235240898,0.0,0.14987124606971175 bpd,ItsYaBoiNobody,2020/01/19,"Dreams and daydreams getting confused with real people and real life? Hey guys, this is my first post here. I was wondering if anybody else gets the version of people that they invent in their heads mixed up with real people? I find that this especially happens in relationships or with new people I meet. For example, I will meet somebody and I will fill in the details of them that I don’t know yet with placeholder details. Like if I don’t remember how tall they are, I will imagine them as being a certain height, and then I will run into them later and be shocked that they are shorter than I expected, but to a deeper degree than normal. Or if you have a dream of a good friend becoming violent or angry, even if it is uncharacteristic for them, that dream version of them will distort the way you think about the real person? If so, how do you guys logically seperate the two? I find that when I become fixated on people and think about or daydream them more, it becomes much more difficult to seperate the idea of somebody from who they actually are.",9.467114427860695,7.505410039800999,9.205572139303484,68.84129353233834,60.542288557213936,11.719402985074627,39.24875621890547,10.25414643259724,3.9767950248756208,842,34,149,14,9,274,112,201,0.099,0.813,0.08800000000000001,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,11,1,9,8,1,1,10,0,17,2,1,2,1,41,24,22,0,7,10,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,0,3,11,11,0,0,10,3,0,2,2,4,0,2,1,0,27,4,25,16,5,18,0,0,0,0,23,8,0,11,7,119,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.1155786163268925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39241712130872697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893993388734232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822732629457213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21650077201948928,0.10074348814258936,0.0,0.0,0.09150507380593197,0.0,0.12375816160665963,0.0,0.0,0.09934035840539494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345449142686782,0.10473452546163883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155178159662107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370233232462878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509054745457625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365641635305822,0.057862931008249414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706571826552832,0.0,0.0,0.11438836945197267,0.0,0.0,0.1160443073044204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41055073968922223,0.10341568400958268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113431073965002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5392344882656843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271583223913162,0.13416741339723892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178085616424453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156969297175556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401074499131397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844119571522175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Malevolent_Media,2020/01/19,"I HATE mirrors! I was in a lift at work yesterday and it had a mirror in. The only time I look in mirrors is to do my hair in the morning and put makeup on. Other than that, I avoid them and photos like the plague. This is because when I look in them, I see someone who isn't...me. and I hate it. No one else gets it. When I tell them they look at me confused. They don't understand how much it hurts to not recognise your own reflection. Whenever someone takes a photo of me I hate it! The song from Mulan, reflection, that song speaks to me so much. I've changed my first name once and my last name 3 times. I hate going for job interviews because they see I've changed my name and ask why and look all confused. Because it's none of their fucking business why! I am planning on having a nose job which should help and I'm losing weight atm which is going well. But in some ways I wish I could have a completely different face. One that belongs to me.",1.1634771573604077,3.252314218274116,2.627134517766496,93.77126015228428,81.94416243654824,5.564365482233503,22.540355329949236,6.742157984588678,0.5146103553299493,739,25,162,8,20,240,111,197,0.102,0.802,0.096,-0.2535,3,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,7,4,5,12,5,3,9,0,12,5,3,1,1,25,31,13,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,14,8,1,1,3,2,1,3,4,10,1,3,2,12,29,2,19,27,6,21,0,2,6,1,17,10,1,3,8,108,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877243461667252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127793826358885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246167760891628,0.0,0.1219917603107564,0.0,0.0,0.09289676822435447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156198160762782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719629121190383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989680609889997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756458098240453,0.060788570614304926,0.0,0.13224985553690108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4594899105963654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779875910694976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455610136887127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23092073475713376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484155566306927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056843198410218586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.390821986365141,0.1301669547295117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710626755976131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390996741667848,0.15768483356774868,0.08849014255698694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696484388352735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854332906995104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19716756941930927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874814364289692,0.0,0.1016958610975846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569035246055486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112544517122352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235397061845788,0.0,0.14168411534575842,0.10461347972871232,0.0,0.2099772752853972,0.0,0.1337978535919002,0.0,0.0,0.08470487935036089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Matseye1r,2020/01/19,"I am strong, yet so gor-dan tired, having to kill that little part of myself each and every day. I'm OK, I'm Fine, I'll Survive, I'll walk on, I... I'm filled with such a contradictory sense of positivity and negativity. Like a coin being flipped with each turn showing either the positive or negative of my self. &#x200B; On one hand I am all the things at the start of this body, whilst on the other those words are false and hollow. much like the title above. &#x200B; There is a great photo with the caption (I am strong but tired) as a man is almost nude kneeling atop a cliff or some-such overlooking a stony waterfall or lake. this picture encapsulates all that I am and have been. I wish to shine yet when I do I am rightfully avoided, I mean who could stand such intensity? Does this leave me destined to stand alone as an aimless warrior, fighting a battle now worth struggling through? &#x200B; If anything I simply want to rest. I am drained. Spent. Unable to stand. yet my body continues to move along, pushing through to some unseen destination. &#x200B; Don't worry, I'll be fine. I'm a soldier after all.",3.097996031746028,5.522597199074074,3.9362433862433854,85.16166666666669,77.00925925925927,6.336507936507938,26.026455026455025,7.447530270364453,1.4028732804232802,889,34,169,12,21,284,133,216,0.14,0.7140000000000001,0.147,-0.4851,0,2,0,0,2,0,50.0,0,0,0,3,10,13,3,2,15,1,17,6,4,0,3,27,27,13,1,4,6,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,9,10,0,1,1,1,3,4,3,5,0,1,2,2,15,8,25,22,10,24,0,0,1,1,4,7,0,6,12,112,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049889368629802,0.10394564143313643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4349724103034736,0.4878073764885315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259007144705717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22296099521953966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013156657005659,0.0,0.0,0.06472573337437942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878282035673419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456002704248428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065039290818343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103661999055442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626976350935664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806443484584453,0.10058993875877498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932456254115454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066698229850455,0.07377824029463098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800846240208454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868318279559988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570932279330913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047003375352214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103733952926991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492103858488457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667661583817908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307046568491743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916595740066527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059196607353913834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541232076165192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019233426531884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4878073764885315,0.0 bpd,-anonq-,2020/01/19,Dating another bpd Anyone has ever had this experience? I wonder if you get each other more..,3.3223529411764723,6.312985058823532,6.466176470588237,63.8427941176471,80.76470588235293,8.105882352941178,20.264705882352946,8.841846274778883,2.425023529411765,74,2,10,2,2,27,17,17,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4145295280927375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764182956403042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4978941508326227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575913318651871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867007185484419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065393999533624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287097860523933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,africanqueen86,2020/01/19,"What are your 'ups' like? I was previously diagnosed with bipolar disorder. My new psychiatrist is reevaluating my diagnosis as my ups or euphoric moods last fewer than 4 days, sometimes only hours, and I have a numbet of BPD symptoms. When I experienced unusually good moods, I felt particularly good about myself. I felt close to nature. I painted my nails blue. I wrote a lot for my blog. I would contact a lot of friends. That said, I wouldn't be more talkative than usual, and others didn't notice a difference in me. I remember though that I kept thinking, I'm now the person I'm meant to be. Everybody loves me. Life is great! I'm wondering how you experience such moods, if you ever do? They are few and far between for me.",3.018098663926004,5.54230682733813,4.92099177800617,77.46541366906477,77.84892086330936,8.287975334018501,27.194758478931146,9.04235418022936,2.618942034943473,575,24,106,15,14,196,96,139,0.02,0.8009999999999999,0.179,0.9717,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,3,1,0,7,9,0,0,5,0,12,5,0,1,1,21,24,9,0,3,2,0,2,1,1,2,4,1,0,1,4,5,0,1,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,5,24,6,15,12,4,13,0,0,1,1,10,5,0,5,9,75,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21698777098370228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111110004703599,0.0,0.0,0.1748663290812301,0.0,0.1800018566485475,0.1974543046461331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584225260482076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685284448819128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33084252356751986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310748173788467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890100929337501,0.0,0.1899455600660657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16966668124235812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043581620684786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169046424231955,0.08417007617321595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929422323123765,0.15549454420449374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639457425220736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961483778878067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103101598627456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043320220593076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19516607971343428,0.0,0.16388312576884675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039493356351432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790707787657618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039370113448822,0.16926979662925026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18974832583740567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18683646055862366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223867972818385,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,auoria,2020/01/19,Dont know if this is something to be annoyed about or just bpd... So if you meet the same person at the same time as your husband and have the same interactions with them as they do and then a few days later they add Only your husband on Facebook is that them being shady? Or am I just overthinking it?,6.9076881720430094,5.2437580483870985,6.934516129032258,82.15510752688175,65.29032258064515,9.556989247311831,31.956989247311824,7.793537801064563,1.9791763440860224,237,7,51,2,3,76,47,62,0.049,0.951,0.0,-0.4515,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,4,0,4,1,1,0,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,14,9,10,0,2,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,8,0,7,7,4,6,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,4,4,44,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5162743345414263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26436164341977514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4804180173893741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252788874831365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117592769211029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579224811136295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155730470584405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390250763865001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Flowled,2020/01/19,"Afraid of starting new friendships/relationships First, I'm very shy and never know how to start a conversation. Second, I'm scared I'll get overly attached to the new person and they abandon me and I get really hurt. I'm very lonely and just empty and I don't know what to do anymore.",2.242631578947368,4.707304754385966,3.8483333333333327,84.3925,80.40350877192982,5.905263157894738,21.780701754385966,7.1686216300943375,0.8577859649122814,229,7,43,3,6,76,39,57,0.281,0.7190000000000001,0.0,-0.9369,0,2,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,2,5,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,11,11,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,4,0,5,11,0,7,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23683921111352646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20313497578636364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495408053148985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25565521222469745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262491740655083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18418799705261613,0.4612958929113144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085230802956082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299029533529787,0.0,0.0,0.2563967479807249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390943687827521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380674059310554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940929454518039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,highonlove97,2020/01/19,"Whom should I choose? I’m currently in a relationship with a guy for 4 years who is really practical and doesn’t believe in the concept of romance I.e, hugs and kisses but manages to show some kind of love in other forms such as being supportive sometimes(not always). I am a hopeless romantic and always feel drained and depressed when I don’t get to hug or kiss or be with him. But then there’s this friend of mine who is really interested in me who showers me with love and care whenever I’m around him and never fails to make me feel special, but I’m really insecure as he’s been kind of a playboy before. I really don’t know who to chose. I feel cozy around this new guy and not even my boyfriend has made me feel special like him. But I’m scared to get into a relationship with him and then be abandoned as it’d totally destroy me. I need help guys!",5.703965517241379,5.511297902298853,6.522436781609198,79.29124137931036,67.10344827586206,10.178390804597699,31.76781609195402,9.888512548439397,2.8424409195402296,681,25,139,14,10,226,100,174,0.132,0.585,0.284,0.9863,2,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,23,1,2,6,0,13,6,0,2,2,36,31,20,0,2,7,0,4,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,9,15,0,1,6,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,2,4,17,16,24,24,3,14,0,4,0,6,19,7,0,3,8,93,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23385691002108386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501949372167476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957683164189975,0.1583240920893114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432750904183588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103438834247796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281575293388933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842156161092516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856963576368572,0.0,0.1468375246263924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4174269500024902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419126579631708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29267132152084113,0.07722912768520301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068653650365972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25365946086736474,0.1329686051080204,0.09380184780590536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419786139255004,0.10838191180384353,0.13572038238384002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36009687843312616,0.0,0.0,0.30174354649723384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069051840986838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946664720471107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904938005644056 bpd,fvntac,2020/01/19,"fricked up again :,) tw: self harm//suicide when u accidentally push away all of your friends with another mental breakdown and threaten suicide and when they get uncomfortable u think they just hate u so u cut everyone off and you’re alone again crying and s*lf harming and feeling paranoid as fuck of your surroundings and probably having a slightly psychotic episode 😃...... on ur birthday too!!!",7.765522388059701,10.074060477611944,6.8957014925373175,69.49071641791046,63.62686567164179,10.136119402985075,41.75820895522389,10.355215969177356,5.011300895522389,320,19,48,8,5,98,54,67,0.385,0.562,0.053,-0.9818,0,1,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,2,2,0,8,5,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,11,6,10,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,1,8,6,1,10,0,0,0,1,7,5,1,0,4,28,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542605551269148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574247072069819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306522416640031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696666098893619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345826283200657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413051365950875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896701502846577,0.22695775385339456,0.1282618992290589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423771772148379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474029436979373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646869768753243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561066108847378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5370671131933992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730437997384594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ravensdraven,2020/01/19,"Hating my mother. Silent treatment. Thoughts of revenge. My mother made me sick. But, now the slightest things she does is a trigger. I have feelings of irrational hatred and wanting to take revenge/payback somehow. Payback in the sense of making her feel bad, as bad as I feel. Make her feel sorry. But, it never happens. She never approaches me with a sorry. So I go hungry and angry and silent for days together, until I give up, forgive and talk. I grew doing that. So, I think the easier thing is to die. But, that will affect the people I love. I feel like I'm in the wrong. But, everytime, it's just me having these thoughts, struggling with them, and hurting myself. Nobody else has anything to lose, especially the person who made me sick- my mother. I ever liked her very much. I thought I was wrong to not care much about her, but now I know why. Suddenly, I'm supposed to be so nice, so good and I'm supposed to change and be better to make everyone's life better. But, me? It's the same thing, my silent suffering which is of no consequence to anyone else.",1.5955072463768118,4.202067159420295,2.973499516908213,88.49166956521739,85.13526570048309,5.244367149758454,22.289661835748788,6.742157984588678,0.7969039227053143,830,29,156,10,25,269,116,207,0.188,0.6890000000000001,0.12300000000000001,-0.6957,0,0,0,0,0,1,41.0,0,0,1,3,10,18,1,1,9,0,11,4,0,7,3,41,37,20,1,1,8,3,5,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,11,9,0,0,11,0,0,3,4,9,0,0,6,5,29,9,22,28,3,14,0,3,0,1,16,3,0,1,10,111,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835621239772414,0.12244911877261352,0.098344138249095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19956682794282227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21138858849870013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184542544503725,0.0,0.1264226369464634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707217538035974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402947382938395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458144474827302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19966564901786293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081009892535808,0.0,0.11419412942026234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021318339586763,0.08537587668454667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146420738289822,0.06791862351189179,0.10023686268713904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567970979588114,0.0,0.0,0.11798849276096016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793479313285044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065677961829064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844113797602751,0.11677023846602735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336978457340752,0.0,0.0,0.10785979906658803,0.22616096368059066,0.23931569723811505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17570289833109645,0.0,0.184342443836192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285115693340814,0.10434896636332393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26755676761531383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249347402544011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985444590434037,0.09605525826646152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381855667787533,0.07657530676397048,0.0,0.2846258001928366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860585085036183,0.07048836785693484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783654506285996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26132444713703645,0.0,0.0 bpd,mysteriouspyramid,2020/01/19,"Hitting self-harm When I panic and get frustrated with myself I sometimes hit myself in the head, almost as an attempt to restart my brain. It might not be as bad as cutting but I still feel ashamed about doing this. I just had a panic attack and hit myself a bunch while I was dissociating and now I have a headache :(",2.585238095238097,4.807432841269844,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,77.73015873015873,5.469841269841268,24.785714285714285,6.42735559955562,0.8044095238095244,251,9,49,2,6,81,48,63,0.317,0.6559999999999999,0.027000000000000003,-0.9651,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,3,3,5,0,6,2,2,0,0,10,11,9,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,2,1,10,0,7,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,41,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571961521317784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922016590456036,0.0,0.0,0.21445733623326985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867272923865111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987005700288926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341924694670005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636001299438557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272475119311393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.602711531243297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26794846145285256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540292215595993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051191300281545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aceofseafood,2020/01/19,"DAE push others away once they become emotionally invested? I've always struggled to act rationally in friendships/intimate relationships, to the point where I continuously overanalyze everything done and said as if they're somehow against me yet hiding it from me. It ruins my mood to the point where I struggle to function, and so I've learned to distance myself from friends before this can happen. I know it's not right but I've done it to protect myself, even if it means I feel guilty a lot. And it means I'm often lonely. Does anyone else feel this?",6.378379120879124,7.6494074423076945,6.65620879120879,73.80307692307693,65.92307692307692,9.019780219780221,32.164835164835175,9.23628265651192,2.921325824175824,450,18,77,8,7,145,71,104,0.13699999999999998,0.81,0.053,-0.7757,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,8,6,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,16,11,8,0,2,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,9,3,0,1,6,0,1,2,1,4,0,0,3,3,10,1,12,8,1,11,0,2,0,0,4,7,0,5,2,52,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428091321831174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124381800578705,0.17766660258036526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291300086230645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915043172872292,0.1475488106593914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174163903846333,0.3548924340514032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448516652001472,0.19504925795711234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452765362494025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558388191419643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753503398272511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396675936881053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533351582217548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952949311480264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741666295826508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777622138072804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846630657549581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32783405669339283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616441328343886,0.0,0.14808082817681004,0.16494107609756445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625461917203159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,silvamsam,2020/01/19,"DAE have an ""anti-FP""? I don't know how to describe it other than a person who triggers the BPD rage/anger just by existing. For me it's a couple of specific people and it starts fine when I meet then but then somewhere along the line they did something wrong or upsetting and now their mere existence makes me boil over with rage. I have to be careful to not verbally eviscerate them when they do anything (big or small) that annoys me. I think it's a form of the black/white thinking? I am having a hard time handling these emotions bc I see two of these people fairly often. DAE deal with this? Does anyone have advice?",2.4967073170731737,4.784232430894309,3.373353658536587,89.13368902439026,78.34959349593495,6.051219512195122,22.445121951219512,7.1686216300943375,0.8122146341463412,491,15,96,6,12,156,90,123,0.159,0.815,0.027000000000000003,-0.9593,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,4,0,6,6,2,1,8,0,9,1,0,3,0,17,16,10,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,5,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,2,13,2,13,14,1,10,0,0,1,0,8,3,0,3,7,69,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22324049453988545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597388386514203,0.0,0.18799639937782925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28772709578107114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329218769125524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527776162960565,0.0,0.0,0.2355238162746775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999197451362857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569775717917699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046479765785639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555115701013495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524933774951397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167594828746499,0.1994753353312712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18204653912350904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17587338796835464,0.0,0.0,0.16169938854507354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927654298300114,0.0,0.0,0.13321210535988376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22316425282328936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24977622462219726,0.0,0.0 bpd,InfantMetal,2020/01/19,"Tips on how to snap out of dissociation? I made the mistake of watching Midsommar alone at my house when i was already in an “off” mood. The movie ended and I didn’t realize that halfway through I started dissociating. Derealization actually. Does anyone have any tips on how to help with dissociating? It’s not a good feeling being alone while it’s happening. Thank you.",4.068025210084033,6.921028911764704,5.898571428571433,70.07500000000005,76.05882352941177,8.591596638655464,31.77310924369748,9.23628265651192,3.434228571428571,298,15,51,8,7,102,55,68,0.153,0.7709999999999999,0.076,-0.5165,0,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,3,0,10,9,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,6,2,12,5,0,10,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,4,35,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.2542794315776592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5397453566642582,0.2875462652172077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17719702260642362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18219710358456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280271900103163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307883133794717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175238356304708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21855435435047074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304218240995223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465505871028503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006636220076993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465583123384892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18443329432609987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398985070218532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PelagiusWasRight,2020/01/19,"What Support Groups Have You Found for BPD It sucks to be alone! It also sucks to not be able to afford group therapy! Share your experiences with free support groups from whatever perspective of recovery. I've been going to two, with a generally positive experience. My experience so far is that it's lovely to have a support group at all; that's about 80% of the benefit. The details of the remaining 20% vary. 1) Emotions Anonymous is a recovery group modified from traditional 12 Step recovery programs like AA or NA. I've been going about once a week for about a year, now. The only requirement to join is a ""desire to become better emotionally."" It's very diagnosis-agnostic, so there are a diversity of psychological geogrpahy. Most of the people I meet there are bipolar, BPD, or suffering from PTSD, with a couple of DID cases. Meetings are supposed to be safe sharing spaces, meaning no unasked advice or commentary on others sharing. I'd say the major benefit other than a sharing space is the anonymity. The structure of the 12 steps might help some people and might frustrate others. The major con, to me, is the higher power stuff. https://emotionsanonymous.org/ 2) The Icarus Project is a mutual-aid network and support system for people dealing with Mental Health Challenges that normally get called mental illness. I've attended about three meetings in my lifetime. Groups are organized autonomously and non-heriarchically, and groups provide a variety of functions. It is implicitly anarchist, and as such a lot of the literature it offers links mental health policy to repressive political apparati like the prison system. The major thing I like about Icarus is that it is harm reductive and self determinative regarding diagnosis, medication, and treatment options. The hardest part of making the groups happen is that it's hard to get political activists interested in mental health and it's hard to get emotionally debilitated people interested into politics. https://theicarusproject.net/ Oh, and Icarus has tons and tons of really good resources though, including a 1 page handout of crisis advice and space to write an advance directive. I highly recommend that anyone with BPD fill out a 1 page sheet on your needs during a crisis rather than let random medical professionals guess at your needs and preferences. https://theicarusproject.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/IcarusNavigatingCrisisHandoutLarge05-09.pdf Anyway I'd really welcome any additions to these resources or other groups that people have worked with.",9.189198717948717,11.634364009615386,8.766076923076927,56.912256410256425,60.34615384615384,11.508205128205129,36.703205128205134,11.34169021259432,5.135501858974359,2092,95,274,62,30,668,223,416,0.084,0.746,0.17,0.9886,2,1,0,0,0,0,71.0,0,4,0,6,15,28,3,1,33,0,27,8,0,1,2,51,46,21,0,6,6,0,2,3,0,2,7,1,0,1,24,21,0,3,4,0,1,7,2,6,1,2,4,3,10,23,54,36,12,25,0,1,0,1,29,13,2,12,6,185,34,6,0.08124457781251891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587825222979709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414488053109903,0.0,0.06497125952381387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05524909890779732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056808097837037996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972825313162625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718542268045875,0.0,0.0,0.3069741049607768,0.0,0.08295979763493816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989558005298515,0.0,0.0,0.08375959228726669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741676444536025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23841836013856496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908048610871881,0.0,0.0,0.1273408159822574,0.0,0.09234633170576982,0.06814409724625481,0.0,0.0,0.08950006205518264,0.0,0.07184431184527185,0.0,0.1455583673172467,0.0,0.0,0.2590775611409157,0.0,0.0,0.0544565279455315,0.0858393570957762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307808530185667,0.0,0.11907599069117145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907123472260714,0.07332640347589538,0.0,0.05423138656434223,0.0,0.0,0.08849916290196239,0.0,0.16369072956604894,0.3275017020255297,0.17237531616982515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204836500033506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960243639907434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652282383415484,0.0,0.061790162447309824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797996054464681,0.0,0.2816238030442304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949705637760346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409471386602244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460894919509383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475581344249075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300560400039297,0.0,0.3687815364393631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929102552637808,0.0,0.053975287434543794,0.0,0.07982238519954746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936414722395496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703528531583712,0.0,0.0,0.06516949972381457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05914702026576544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05231884440314626 bpd,tinari07,2020/01/19,Tbpdfw You want to end it with a guy so u start some shit hoping they will leave then they act distant so u get scared they're gunna leave so you send them nudes to make them stay bc you use your body to get validation,-0.7360486322188429,1.435435638297875,0.3349544072948341,104.62000000000002,96.87234042553192,3.5367781155015194,10.969604863221884,5.288315135182226,-1.7804565349544068,173,2,43,1,7,53,35,47,0.187,0.732,0.081,-0.6533,0,0,0,1,0,0,0.0,0,4,4,0,3,3,1,1,1,0,1,3,3,2,0,6,8,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,1,4,7,1,6,0,0,0,1,10,0,1,2,3,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887883207579701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302724090687462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716662460545013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574292295689608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582269817939729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5505800065342402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735441668009822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602935801942883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26687418878274344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18402101204806398,0.2771128677258832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22454636126173774,0.0,0.0,0.15334779803501253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,daily_k,2020/01/19,"Dealing with rejection I don’t quite know what to do right now, i came here to ask for advice. I started talking to this guy a couple of months ago, he lives in a different country, everything was normal for a while there until a couple of weeks ago he told me he loved me. I didn’t know how to feel at first, we had only known each other for about 2 months but he seemed genuine. We spent two full days together, talking on the phone, playing games together. it felt like heaven on earth. 3 days ago i realized i felt the same, so i said it back. I told him i loved him, and we opened up to each other, he understood my struggles and wasn’t afraid when i told him all of the mess inside. I told him i was afraid of being used and he told me he was also afraid, but for other reasons.. he didn’t want to do long distance I didn’t want to either, but it wasn’t like we would never meet one another. We talked about our feelings and how they were mutual, then came what we were going to do about it. He told me he couldn’t do long distance, i kind of figured that was just a gut reaction and i could change his mind. Evidently i couldn’t. I told him i didn’t want to just be friends, and then i immediately drew back on that after realizing what i had done, so i said i would message him from time to time. (in reality i was just going to do the classic post on social media in attempt to get him to love me again) but he unfollowed me. So then i told him goodbye completely, and i blocked him. I now feel extremely awful and i wonder if i made the right decision. i wonder if i should’ve just stayed as his friend and swallowed my feelings. I’m really really lost right now. My biggest weakness is that i can’t be alone, i always have to be talking to someone in a romantic way, and i had finally found someone who liked me as much as i liked them and now all of this has happened. if any of you know how to cope with being alone in the romantic sense, please let me know.",3.4907456445993006,4.1491664682926865,4.827543554006969,86.53201219512195,72.12195121951221,8.101045296167248,26.106271777003485,8.306716005460428,1.4577979094076654,1532,47,337,23,28,511,184,410,0.069,0.794,0.13699999999999998,0.9822,3,2,0,0,0,0,42.0,7,1,2,4,24,20,0,4,12,1,38,6,1,6,3,77,82,34,0,12,12,0,6,4,2,2,1,2,0,1,16,24,1,1,21,2,1,4,11,8,0,3,36,8,66,12,49,35,8,54,1,2,0,3,60,17,0,6,34,236,82,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068734300700197,0.19236842000090665,0.0,0.0,0.149839615753755,0.0,0.05784825232764885,0.06019057372731415,0.0,0.0,0.0491919633068224,0.07585214937126904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762577393875331,0.0,0.0,0.11124610573090377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546960010961384,0.0,0.0,0.07652345655281781,0.0,0.07584446587261799,0.0,0.0,0.05775558733901896,0.16008007959702172,0.0,0.0933033736141366,0.07457676001677066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557726474281071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740263515823306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650122578511063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630400268553614,0.0,0.13891063935336248,0.07924216763050007,0.0,0.0615302189675635,0.0,0.07931430721299165,0.1117755069181852,0.0,0.03779334487556664,0.0,0.08222210770117676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162547276630983,0.06396778991806762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532834823774265,0.1590191370753433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396996882411103,0.0,0.14136174479102556,0.0,0.06387531538319711,0.1280327774418249,0.0,0.0,0.0789648986770741,0.0,0.1958621852943071,0.06844746754287358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304022828135476,0.0,0.11547816422149622,0.0,0.05317636711033637,0.0,0.055791119899329535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087536643831653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0490177449185642,0.05501590910836888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940482460896406,0.0,0.0,0.06927930477167886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693980846588583,0.0,0.0,0.09268247711111316,0.07437497171011641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18532742426903628,0.1376190069782974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585332009857188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373894571337923,0.12258261502183848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05120083686280283,0.07710212314945082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562283463398907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23256848805442945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436112635986477,0.0,0.0,0.5529724557147996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066320166838158,0.0,0.0,0.06247635247270219,0.0,0.0,0.12799955021022252,0.057418120329843135,0.05802475881982976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689381105461786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027729330287311,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lillywildfire,2020/01/19,"It’s fucking exhausting to watch your emotions get out of hand and not to be able to do anything about it I’m so frustrated by being able to rationally tell myself that I’m overreacting and that the way I feel is because of my disorder and then stiiiiiill freaking and having the stupid feelings. Why can’t I just listen to myself? My bf is going to watch some fights with his friends and literallyy no other females are going to be there at all so I know I’d feel awkward being the only girl and they would too and it would be all around a bad idea and I’m still shaking and about to cry about the fact that I’m not going. Why am I like this? I hate hate hate feeling like this.",2.516702127659574,4.241408985815607,4.2237056737588645,85.70875000000002,76.16312056737588,6.68581560283688,24.51595744680851,7.492282038375204,1.085344680851064,541,18,113,7,12,182,84,141,0.267,0.6559999999999999,0.077,-0.9856,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,10,15,7,2,5,0,14,3,1,0,3,27,32,12,0,2,3,0,5,2,2,2,1,1,0,1,9,12,0,0,6,0,0,4,4,12,0,0,0,8,12,3,18,25,3,10,0,0,2,1,9,3,1,1,4,80,21,0,0.3213054653227405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132203510480358,0.1430149924258558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341383213031179,0.09793241470561713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646948315735206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18412194992996106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807127009773823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249233948324172,0.1147703443132167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241199027378407,0.14852086262179112,0.08393442211855126,0.0,0.2739079506454012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4758339403953885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18135738045685915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829054043876497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697362059074638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218364247836234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829747982696507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041756940186315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751866141741092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28992820658560386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282461838611151,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MixsterAvocado,2020/01/19,"Need help please I am desperate Cw:Suicide,medication . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I feel like getting off my meds and getting new meds + all the stuff happening with my dad are seriously messing me up emotionally and physically to the point where I am worn and just want to die. Everyday for the past week I've thought about how I could hurt myself and relieve myself of this suffering and pain but I am scared. I don't want to hurt the people who care about me. I just don't know what else to do. I don't feel like I can hold on much longer. Please someone reach out to me help me give me advice or something to help me cope with these feelings.",3.224047619047621,4.763751880952384,4.120825396825399,87.96028571428577,73.84126984126985,7.5796825396825405,26.092063492063488,8.238735603445708,1.4592596825396824,491,17,106,8,10,158,79,126,0.159,0.638,0.203,0.6355,0,0,1,0,0,4,23.0,0,0,0,0,6,11,0,1,4,0,10,1,0,1,1,24,24,8,1,4,4,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,2,3,19,4,16,21,2,10,0,3,0,0,6,6,0,1,6,67,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771886747392095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436913905983376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252416260479514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626702237388092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177320964546104,0.15853154342048667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21378107486750855,0.2013662539984076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726417581712706,0.13519653240485846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246272841441124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833948439670188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017450719060816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745352468024992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770626089899188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4696370048876367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360255094165248,0.10450061875479956,0.0,0.13611473160007992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996348803372936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453724856132812,0.09770574405202184,0.0,0.0,0.30940595733039883,0.1332279844018442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410993088560256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194127420458214,0.1084977161501308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133547025566775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118856859842252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16625280040470594,0.0,0.1130485845156579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,crushworthyxo,2020/01/19,"I’m just getting started. I love my life but I also wanna kill myself sometimes. I’m getting comfortable in my new job and m moving in with my boyfriend of a year and best friend for two. I’ve been doing okay lately, haven’t sh in about a year. But now we’re drunk and talking about death and I’m terrified and triggered. This isn’t a cry for help. Just vent",0.3307748538011701,2.590147486842106,1.9875438596491253,95.85336257309942,87.28947368421049,4.430409356725146,20.28654970760234,5.82211442006289,-0.08558888888888827,283,9,62,2,9,92,52,76,0.247,0.522,0.231,-0.5574,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,0,3,1,4,3,0,1,0,12,11,8,2,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,6,5,10,10,1,10,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,6,37,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19580245616100303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569497192982177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689507328836576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891666378204598,0.0,0.25584281133550946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164114440814052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24297087996515526,0.0,0.27088471309579665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761958220471364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17294126276734045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209821697664731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602314839711575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23647282445655515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24215796334667306,0.0,0.17330254954727475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19679713454775927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391779853348552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153443018566262 bpd,Abbycat43,2020/01/19,"Frequency of Emotional Disregulation Hi everyone, I am currently not sure if I have bpd and was wondering how often you guys deal with emotional dysregulation? I can sometimes get very emotional but these are usually when dealing with something that triggers past trauma or when talking about traumatic events. Is emotional dysregulation a few times a month if that in line with BPD or is it usually a daily thing? Sorry for all the questions.",10.566447368421052,10.725995907894738,10.451578947368422,53.97105263157897,57.026315789473685,14.968421052631578,45.31578947368421,13.816669648895859,7.042063157894736,363,20,52,14,4,120,59,76,0.151,0.777,0.073,-0.8497,1,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,2,2,17,9,9,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,7,8,2,10,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,7,9,40,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648714061511184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29867157902850777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6517548701100226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841205060939105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567905865189152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342600191377605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561928154156725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827738169506285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622671061897815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151395074275863,0.14326208045847788,0.1621496702504079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652105617863247,0.0,0.0,0.11642634639777308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623306349978196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446421785036717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190674670247425,0.11951786039765222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708553937227004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,EYEBR0WSE,2020/01/19,"Bipolar and BPD? I have been diagnosed for years with Bipolar 2, but have always suspected that I also had BPD. I went over it with my psychologist, and she said it looks like I meet all of the criteria for the diagnosis. She said that I might be misdiagnosed, but doesn’t want to take away my bipolar diagnosis just yet. I have read online that BPD can be comorbid with bipolar. I was also diagnosed years ago with ADD inattentive type, and I also have a general anxiety disorder. I guess the main thing I’m wondering though, is it common to have bipolar and BPD? Does anyone else have this? How do they overlap? She said that it would change our approach in therapy. I don’t even know where to begin. Has anybody found any medications that have been helpful? I have basically taken myself off of every antidepressant I’ve ever been prescribed.",4.738948393378774,6.847201911392408,5.8044303797468375,75.09504868549173,71.0253164556962,9.418500486854915,29.875365141187924,9.851270322608157,3.2178825705939635,674,28,118,18,13,223,96,158,0.052000000000000005,0.887,0.061,0.3421,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,1,0,10,1,0,0,4,0,23,8,0,1,2,24,37,11,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,8,3,0,0,11,9,0,0,4,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,11,4,19,1,15,22,2,15,0,0,1,0,10,6,0,3,8,90,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649431747645917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28822085942843056,0.09996371651194004,0.0,0.0,0.0816973683777574,0.0,0.09190457595773067,0.0,0.0,0.08400267493190157,0.12309468728625332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287278872200915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6052340407642629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708915439176666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438733170621753,0.0,0.0,0.1376875596784817,0.0,0.10513281243892844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035915682374684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934944161614968,0.1086709124645842,0.1012207138686586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172416261555728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234459356082764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052538615271145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602422503309421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586929335727145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088493226113902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102551985236105,0.0,0.12744651028481413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016964125487435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428337665268941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032817084142312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373872787142474,0.0,0.07981377122899883,0.0,0.11803412068894988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085999217993874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136832352139688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130283593256601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534197056276427,0.0,0.0,0.1547287463071792 bpd,KoreanJesus84,2020/01/19,"Lonliness induced panic attacks? Have any of you ever had panic attacks from just intense feelings of loneliness, but nothing else? It either happens when I'm alone seeing pictures of people in relationships and friendships on IG or Snapchat, or if I'm out by myself and see the same thing. Is this weird, does anyone else relate?",7.259745762711862,8.802095949152545,6.962500000000002,71.41629237288137,64.08474576271186,7.933898305084746,36.78389830508475,8.07648339933343,3.326793220338983,267,13,38,3,4,84,50,59,0.22699999999999998,0.706,0.067,-0.8361,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,3,5,2,2,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,13,9,7,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,2,0,8,8,2,5,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,3,2,28,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083700646079912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681472047127358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067530837108774,0.20614085333442256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4577607267891757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760609506989564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361334706421676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18198603954357198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172668402357712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17790985983256746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19304528588335332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4721014752060145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947840834781686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160005901919088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206415327079408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366034937578974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AlixAngel2020,2020/01/19,"Quick Question Hello, 19F from MN. I was diagnosed with BPD & PTSD just a few weeks ago. I’ve shown symptoms since about the age of 5. I’ve been on medications on and off since I was 12. Was wondering what medications were commonly prescribed to those with BPD & PTSD? I am currently on Effexor, Seroquel & Prazosin. But the list of medications leading up to those 3 is extremely long.",3.650444015444013,6.111664932432432,4.797722007722007,79.49418918918923,75.35135135135134,9.093436293436293,30.841698841698843,9.606745405546679,3.3120023166023165,311,15,58,9,7,102,53,74,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,0,7,5,0,1,0,8,8,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,3,0,13,3,1,13,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,7,34,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843687420234033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5076362268437864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3933858197775558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851108545254905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382071249356309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4719799628025527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651129442062775,0.0,0.17494815300753114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25837384681395703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16232229305739426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252715945370459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936165081559262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Babni35,2020/01/19,A close friend is moving away :( I’m a junior in college and just found out that my close friend decided to transfer to a different school in a different state and I’m really sad. Just this morning I was so excited for my last 3 semesters of college and felt super confident about everything I’m doing but now I just feel like I’m going to fail at everything and want college to end faster. And she’s not not even that close.. we met last semester and have hung out only a few times a month. I feel like I’m just being dramatic.,3.5494444444444437,4.764746722222224,4.971296296296298,83.46583333333334,72.51851851851852,9.103703703703703,27.38888888888889,9.516144504307137,2.371366666666666,418,15,86,10,8,140,66,108,0.081,0.748,0.171,0.7821,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,2,8,8,0,0,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,25,17,8,0,1,7,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,12,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,4,3,7,6,13,12,1,19,0,2,0,0,5,9,0,0,9,51,10,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540302744511525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41234681393028777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478051980781548,0.0,0.0,0.13033811663807093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547045197063459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19955733241314413,0.2819527816776161,0.18947285189964147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21636799101991988,0.3049215548485488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121502089966756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217092448532833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19281613748052015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575111683959894,0.2097362136032219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500824018540058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641805797678649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19971387737185894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506781104224095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639348352820587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,definitelynotabby,2020/01/19,"I hate this fucking illness Having a bad brain night and can’t tell wtf is real and what isn’t I hate that I affect my friends with my mental illness and I can’t even fucking tell if I’m looking for a reasonable amount of comfort or if I’m guilt tripping ppl into looking after me I ruin everything",4.4626190476190475,4.8134018888888885,5.91123015873016,80.73446428571428,69.7936507936508,7.56984126984127,33.21031746031745,7.1686216300943375,2.2496698412698417,241,11,46,2,4,82,42,63,0.366,0.5579999999999999,0.076,-0.9692,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,9,4,1,2,0,5,5,1,2,0,11,13,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,0,2,8,2,5,13,1,4,0,1,2,2,3,1,2,3,2,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18122454297990545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422953834794021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335699340655267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19506716379068914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768938532893846,0.4013114998031482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4285764502629493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36452835141406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21873155841872569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20368319155930034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24704613669077066,0.0,0.2231596820053877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794159580049898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DisenchantedKitty,2020/01/19,"A day in my mind. I wrote this for my husband, We got in a bad fight one day and during that fight I brought up the fact he doesn't know what it's like in my mind. After I read this to him, he told me I have to post it here, so others can read it and know they aren't alone. I apologize if it's hard to read. Morning:Warm snuggles and kisses on my lips as my hubby leaves to start his day, fill my heart with love and hope. I wake up and push a smile as I climb out of bed. MY eyes meet my eyes in the mirror and disgust overcomes my mind as I see all my flaws inside and out. I count my blessings as I pour my coffee and refocus my mind to a more positive place. I prepare for the day and get in the car. Anxiety takes over as it's time to drive. I put music on to drown out the racing thoughts as I head to work. Work: As I climb the stairs to the office door I focus on the attitude is everything motto, take a deep breath and put on the best smile I can as I open the door.  I say good morning to the (mostly)  friendly faces I pass as I walk to my cubical. As I sit down and log in I remind myself that I can do this, I can just do my job and go home. Loneliness washes over me as I overhear everyone chatting with each other. I try to join in but every time I open my mouth I feel embarrassed or unwelcome. As the work day goes on my focus keeps getting pulled by overthinking every little interaction and fighting off random negative thoughts that intrude from nowhere, I do my best to fight off each one, but it gets exhausting and harder with each fight. As the day goes the thoughts get darker and I grow more tired as I sit in my cube alone in my head. I try to redirect hold my stone, play with my thinking putty and make my calls, but end up discouraged when I don't make any touches. Five o'clock comes slowly and I go to my car and the anxiety about driving kicks in. Music on to drown out the thoughts or a call to my hubby as I head home. Night: The negative thoughts grow quiet as I walk in to my husband's warm glow. Even though i'm emotionally exhausted, when my eyes meet his my heart swells. With work behind me and hubby by my side I feel safe and calm. As we wind down for bed and the light and TV off I grow restless and my mind replays the day overthinking every moment until my body gives in to my sleeping medication. My mind is a battlefield, every emotion as intense as a gun shot in the night. I fight every day to not let the negativity win. I have reached out for help, but it takes time. Everyday I grow a little stronger, but sometimes I do fall. I do my best, but I get so tired. I'm always scared the good will disappear. Sometimes I don't even understand myself. With work, love, and patience. I will overcome this.  I wish there was a cure.",3.136882345507395,3.9580230673575163,4.3465765196512045,89.0525148489827,73.07599309153713,7.583150090568264,25.34820337840684,7.8500785054351265,1.1501626100509714,2152,65,483,28,41,708,243,579,0.14,0.725,0.135,-0.5999,1,2,0,1,7,0,57.0,2,0,1,11,12,32,7,3,32,0,21,24,15,2,2,84,59,58,2,3,11,2,5,1,1,2,6,2,6,0,17,43,0,4,11,6,0,24,8,15,0,3,10,13,92,17,91,46,10,91,1,1,5,3,32,42,0,6,23,313,109,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289917645119434,0.0,0.0,0.05338559925054055,0.0,0.0,0.04363046033325293,0.0,0.09816323427279214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05357025725047762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199338581533752,0.0,0.0,0.0712664144375789,0.0,0.0,0.13102744593197438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055267475102415586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33101904195522763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14434094277817666,0.0568260132375179,0.0,0.0,0.08475310119883253,0.0,0.2702844919636615,0.0613068710125561,0.0576621575287789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488164485276926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049569243561242,0.0,0.16760268584621302,0.06154735684335669,0.07292631087312408,0.10762739630594943,0.05131397825825576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05747404660849505,0.0,0.1975375664974943,0.0,0.0,0.15205793653814229,0.043004563502100315,0.0,0.12871383009379844,0.06372456841465439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366811223188867,0.05702765041366864,0.0,0.0,0.0705204436456355,0.0,0.0,0.0679353355144837,0.0,0.06560713526521789,0.0,0.031344947345742925,0.1286087596940417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581237708778774,0.0,0.08565353669429368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646336503620767,0.0,0.0,0.38869505120801895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041813752169216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695187715747528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703271489470382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06144678430301359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289954462581096,0.0,0.0,0.19252970579623285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051021975937273804,0.06423455807658515,0.0,0.05112658062603943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420554121777597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691019096949102,0.0,0.04541221637848419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471921506635638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04111062870183458,0.0630360943436668,0.2546762153748625,0.1122352472807934,0.1474831386674022,0.0,0.0613068710125561,0.0,0.0871197789864293,0.0,0.0,0.06679199635675591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377992078393686,0.0,0.0,0.23354333125344276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rengrenade,2020/01/19,"Coke, weed, booze, bpd and relationships I just got over my ex who has bpd. When she was sober she was amazing. Just the weed good. Couldnt live outside memories of the past on coke. Hated me when she drank. Does this sound typical?",0.6242857142857154,3.116134222222225,1.3393650793650806,96.91,95.66666666666666,5.238095238095238,17.539682539682538,6.868970318607317,0.09696825396825393,180,5,39,3,7,55,36,45,0.083,0.7859999999999999,0.132,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,2,0,4,4,0,0,0,4,7,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,6,2,3,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7190366071327847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498020126526833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394245948839932,0.2283029949260193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818259303310218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25206039898559385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724973722277477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30646990118988426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,merenneitoja,2020/01/19,"Lithium? Hey, I have bpd and am being started on lithium, wanted to know other people's experience with it? I've only really found posts on lithium in regards to bipolar so I'd figure I'd post here. thank u !",1.1614285714285693,3.6363189523809534,4.262190476190476,79.46614285714288,85.66666666666666,5.2647619047619045,25.06666666666667,6.742157984588678,1.432575238095238,164,7,28,2,5,59,34,42,0.0,0.917,0.083,0.4857,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,8,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,6,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817919963830659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29652736247349026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323754292033917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16659684675500994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23055028840891975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21015788417785897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5806452698770487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941981162787857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21456280368366384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27908895980095144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879878563277726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,imabitchnotathot,2020/01/20,"I can't keep a job for more than 6 months. When I first start a job I am full of enthusiasm and I love to work hard to prove my worth. Everything usually goes great for the first 4 months. My managers appreciate me, customers love me, and I see all of my coworkers as good. For some reason at around the 4th month I start to feel super drained after constantly giving it my all to earn the approval of everyone. I start to see all of the problems with my coworkers and notice their bad behaviors. I start to feel like management is bullying me. It is like a switch flips in my mind. I create a horrible work environment for myself until I cant bare it anymore. I start to call out often, and eventually just stop showing up because the guilt of my actions makes me sick, and avoiding the situation makes more sense than going in and being fired. I have abandoned 2 jobs already and in the process of abandoning my 3rd. I do this every time and I don't know how to stop myself. The only thing I can think of doing is calling my job and apologizing, but then that feels ridiculous. I am 23 years old and I feel like a stupid child who cant handle responsibility or function like a proper adult. I've been diagnosed with BPD and AVPD for about 5 months, but I haven't received any long term treatment for either because I cant afford it without a job. This cycle makes me feel absolutely worthless, and I know that I do it to myself. Does anyone else go through this cycle? Have you found a way to break it?",4.758979933110369,5.582197297658865,5.67126923076923,81.02998076923079,69.33444816053512,8.655585284280939,28.996822742474915,8.841846274778883,2.148887491638797,1188,42,237,20,20,391,163,299,0.134,0.7559999999999999,0.109,-0.7506,6,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,1,7,6,18,2,2,16,0,19,4,0,5,4,50,44,20,0,1,6,0,7,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,13,16,0,6,11,1,1,4,7,9,0,2,2,9,40,9,40,41,9,38,0,3,2,2,12,8,0,3,28,158,53,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212447914884017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293301575917437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177866735691748,0.06470883665258254,0.09482214725738357,0.0,0.08238367873985353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727027902105059,0.11282778755532825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655578442039563,0.0,0.18899530870722134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000706365277157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393009597904324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098577804161856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730854155255577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797221510975226,0.0884296486928954,0.0831724772268999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23396484628013864,0.1322267409085008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743556384601876,0.0,0.10146959401945514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877652787922607,0.10518964586625974,0.07762142063258205,0.0,0.10202996072223128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290114413941299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4591776341393003,0.08225725776853197,0.0,0.0,0.1017193987273217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808490719752219,0.0,0.0,0.08189842668182086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16704894004563886,0.0,0.1853212870127348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344294328758147,0.0,0.2954705866673161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536182727651804,0.09710924051290344,0.0,0.0,0.07038379528230983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855200031562195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515052768938276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474909904537031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402320499355126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275151931903884,0.0,0.0,0.1547416646167218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614820455333203,0.05929838521530055,0.0,0.0,0.05396308398541552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192401562619294,0.0,0.0,0.07345702892649209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920900340421224,0.0,0.13474610200269868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05959522823747473 bpd,throwaway-anon666,2020/01/20,"BPD not bipolar? Im 16F, been dxed with bipolar quite a while ago but I don't think it is. I'm not self dxing but I think it's actually BPD. My mood swings change in minutes, I have really unstable fucked up relationships, I either really love or really hate someone, it's all black and white, I'm afraid of abandonment, something several therapists have told me, I don't think I get manic but I do get impulsive and do risky shit. I get paranoid sometimes and get really anxious about it. Every professional I've been to and said something about it literally just said ""okay"" and ignored it. One therapist said they can't diagnose me till I'm 18 but I've heard of plenty of teens getting dxed. I've also been dxed with conduct disorder and that same therapist said it might be turned to ASPD when I'm 18. Any advice would help lots, thank you.",2.741564371257485,5.0247252934131765,4.378828592814369,82.25890157185628,77.50299401197606,8.246856287425151,25.40755988023952,9.017664075816787,2.2360182634730545,672,25,130,17,16,225,99,167,0.213,0.716,0.071,-0.9804,0,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,1,1,5,10,3,1,1,1,14,6,1,0,1,27,37,15,0,1,9,0,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,1,8,8,0,2,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,9,7,13,3,12,25,4,6,0,1,2,2,12,2,2,3,4,70,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.10974404310162517,0.0,0.0,0.10989391514029026,0.0996883738255532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993365236091881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647617255452265,0.0,0.0,0.12704698570995152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28327707401380875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896701563424228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414381055001305,0.0,0.0,0.12888808760515116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475180086729727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396680004785827,0.2937766832042224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103026484804307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537909052295687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147532966093287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560886547698152,0.10149889855006676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930153327517423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620532433812799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961429617778545,0.0,0.0,0.28817719952019305,0.0,0.0,0.12073918910548485,0.0,0.0,0.427898145020558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731956433613573,0.12704698570995152,0.1154378435334702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528639017843972,0.17315330905949558,0.11122511187571743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353740344342854,0.0,0.3917217051459106,0.0,0.21617811343811752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074596694722644,0.0,0.0,0.12232341236029727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988785191614406,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,frothbile,2020/01/20,"Longest you have been in a romantic relationship As someone with BPD, what is the longest you have been with someone? I mean a solid block of time, no ""breaks"", no cheating, not long distance. An honest relationship where you held it together and didn't screw it up. My record is 1 year. I'm curious how long other people with BPD have lasted.",3.5512820512820547,5.892058923076924,4.610384615384618,81.30378205128206,75.15384615384616,7.410256410256411,27.756410256410252,8.344100000000001,2.154641025641025,270,11,49,5,6,88,48,65,0.151,0.6940000000000001,0.155,-0.1788,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,0,2,3,2,0,4,0,8,1,0,1,0,9,11,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,5,1,7,7,0,9,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,0,5,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5625981713784858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18205849351748027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3953120415180765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432915337770879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484143520468946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4795845003761634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3784842035542481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302360604542675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438288395381423 bpd,tehoops,2020/01/20,"EUPD diagnosis - advice on coping needed Hi everyone! I recently got diagnosed with EUPD. Which from my understanding is a type of BPD? I’ve struggled with this for years but finally got to see a specialist last week due to a bad time from an ugly break up. I’m just wondering if anyone has some good coping tips for eupd/bpd or advice for me... Thanks :)",2.682731092436974,5.191660970588238,5.030924369747903,76.29558823529416,79.0,8.591596638655464,22.94957983193277,9.23628265651192,2.3859932773109245,278,9,49,8,7,97,53,68,0.138,0.71,0.152,0.2714,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,10,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,3,2,12,8,1,10,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,4,7,28,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819742550451628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666007151035545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318886883002634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4923136516688136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983731171430092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18675659676728848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21410104455210546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16393045282727528,0.3126313180830829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931420740544067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492039737468032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929788999423477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574479735088687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20432212256768656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17994000167855714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139658707814504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20346570824542864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677462952727084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21195235967791232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586052499035633 bpd,peepeepengu,2020/01/20,"positivity post first time posting on reddit! I was misdiagnosed in adolescent years as bipolar and got my bpd diagnosis at the start of last year (about late jan 2019). I always felt like I could be bpd because I have basically 9 out of 9 symptoms bt wasn't sure without medical professions' diagnosis. after being diagnosed I felt like a heavy burden has been lifted off my shoulder that ""I"" am not such a horrible person but my mental illness is causing me to act out in ways that are harmful. have been on meds for about a year and I know there are mixed reviews of different meds, they worked out for me pretty well luckily (after the initial side effects of being extremely tired all the time). I haven't seen a therapist yet because my insurance doesn't cover it, but I have been reading a lot about bpd and try my best to recognize my behaviours and force myself to react only when I am calm. it hasn't been easy from the start because I have so many emotions that comes up all the time and I kinda didn't know if I should listen to them or reject them, and which ones are valid and which ones are over the top. This is of course with the help of antidepressants and anxiety meds that I am not completely consumed by my emotions, and I have given up hard drugs for a year and reduced my once heavy drinking to about a 6 packs of beer a week. it will get better! even though I still have insecurities and split sometimes with friends or family, I could now mostly keep them to myself and digest them myself instead of acting them out and harming people around me with the help of meds and mental work. although being one of the most serious mental illnesses, bpd has a great prognosis ! many people will not be qualified for a diagnosis for bpd after years of treatments. be hopeful :)",8.870266034985422,7.264126163265308,8.73330721574344,70.63162263119537,61.4198250728863,11.723688046647231,36.88939504373178,10.550175099000144,3.7674549562682214,1426,53,259,27,16,464,182,343,0.09699999999999999,0.7440000000000001,0.159,0.9782,1,0,3,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,6,7,16,16,0,1,19,0,38,12,1,3,3,51,52,24,0,5,9,0,3,2,1,3,9,1,0,1,10,23,3,1,5,3,0,3,9,6,1,4,12,5,37,10,50,29,6,43,0,1,1,0,11,16,0,8,23,198,47,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661268111672522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06124232296534245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126646618368354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640347146518906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401342425609586,0.07080268190028917,0.0,0.0,0.5041361951763943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822391643897617,0.0,0.06896081989913197,0.08393678456247029,0.0,0.0,0.12783578171401874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125475957269128,0.0,0.08364107407905609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842402087079964,0.0928390922886942,0.0,0.0,0.18010357340463518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05287597576001932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546930487990973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373188108966146,0.0,0.0,0.06809526145567578,0.0,0.0,0.061850766140999436,0.0,0.04182575235012435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402778499321897,0.08826159327619246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171410254762138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731917653243778,0.0,0.0,0.07951328475653165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115710500905033,0.0,0.0,0.08799293986999959,0.0652560074957674,0.09030621570158752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822225512028415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806041729214925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16232764778910205,0.0,0.0,0.3556949443975575,0.08064760537337855,0.24203167852649315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525661252614451,0.16274326073616896,0.06088589928358614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100096085769746,0.06990147126217107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334229102554833,0.08144533646271614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007727475664722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917704587185849,0.0,0.11332754641292385,0.0,0.0639325140144342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545146554438778,0.08320843212959274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295073415913743,0.0,0.0,0.07865423092194601,0.0,0.14004321094319444,0.09201214769585972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05435250458974509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354441738969399,0.06421578192045392,0.0,0.07197960819608762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717075179978428,0.0,0.1165628759075195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577659424087066 bpd,PinkMorrigan,2020/01/20,"Does moving to a new country help your mental health? My brain is telling me to just up and leave. I live in the UK but theres so much stuff that has happened here and I just feel really low and I’m going through the motions. My Bpd brain is telling me to move impulsively to another city, meet new people that I have no history with and make new connections. I know that moving to a new country won’t get rid of the shit that’s in my head but is it worth a shot? Also the mental health care in the UK isn’t great which is another reason for me to leave",2.4886911487758923,3.6182609576271183,3.8233333333333337,91.00349340866293,75.01694915254237,7.278342749529191,23.280602636534837,7.793537801064563,0.8488726930320154,435,12,100,6,9,143,72,118,0.066,0.774,0.16,0.9405,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,6,4,1,0,8,0,8,6,4,2,0,13,16,8,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,1,5,3,2,0,0,0,1,11,2,14,15,1,14,0,1,0,0,5,5,1,0,4,62,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989175614399748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25940661450892283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578749799265318,0.27616546819213783,0.0,0.0,0.1261136575735265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082449214925826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254309591148954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462469242072888,0.0,0.0702978055775081,0.0,0.0,0.13637240210983206,0.0,0.0,0.10938165864650637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694510643814455,0.2629605845179609,0.0,0.0,0.08290907377107919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679786537572887,0.0,0.0,0.26194688587215903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922353190772653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256630011131492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24930769365747546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943995030864111,0.09092887596670356,0.0,0.0,0.4778553977449931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575342403628919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924115470352544,0.12717740878431896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269694900680177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415993412379332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162269544250812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,inteNsE--,2020/01/20,"How do I stop relying on my FP for happiness so much? so my girlfiend (and my fp aswell) was a bit upset with me recently because we were supposed to go to a party at 6 but i showed up 3 hours late and wouldnt answer phone calls (i spent most of the party hugging her, apologizing and saying how much i love her lol, she said it was fine but that i shouldnt do it again) next day i texted if she was angry at me, she said no but was acting kind of cold so i kept asking and she said she was feeling overwhelmed by our relationship and doesnt feel as much love for me as when we first started dating i was at work when she said that and i straight up started crying because i thought she was gonna break up with me (my boss and everyone else saw me, pretty pathetic of me i know) but she said shes not going to, that shes going to try to make it work because she still loves me that convinced me enough to go to sleep, but next morning i asked if she wants to grab a coffee or something together and she replied ""idk, sure"" and that sounded really distant so i was sure she hates me and its over for sure. i spent rest of the day crying, only got out of bed to go to the bathroom, didnt eat anything, barely drank any water and couldnt stop thinking about her, basically pretty miserable. but now she said she was sorry about that and everything is fine, we're not gonna break up and shes gonna come over first thing in the morning so we can clear things up &#x200B; &#x200B; point is, i felt completely devastated when I THOUGHT she was going to break up with me, so im afraid of what i'll do when it will eventually happen. what can i do to make sure im not gonna be as miserable then? i dont have any close friends or family i could talk about it so i cant get support like that",3.8645238095238095,4.066754142857146,4.943505291005291,87.67255952380953,71.06349206349206,8.0989417989418,26.86111111111111,7.937092434478242,1.3274476190476188,1398,42,317,17,24,461,175,378,0.127,0.7,0.17300000000000001,0.9626,1,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,4,0,0,4,19,22,1,5,7,1,33,8,1,5,5,62,77,40,0,7,13,0,4,1,1,7,0,8,1,0,17,22,3,3,8,1,2,8,11,6,0,2,27,14,59,16,45,40,7,50,0,3,1,4,43,17,0,5,23,210,76,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860393879684202,0.18908382026514853,0.10582049309516027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402710158913838,0.0,0.1454748349746843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228809754997654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494319524994925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944787214950311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702234428414608,0.08157733741099114,0.0,0.0,0.0621211710243729,0.0,0.17093085477752473,0.10035591527123056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118718817189446,0.0,0.0,0.07961420762970164,0.06499631305501627,0.0,0.0,0.08039363480716788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434626257800002,0.06992635301140382,0.0,0.07334787698210303,0.0,0.07868135700040207,0.0,0.0747052534824226,0.0,0.0,0.13236223304992029,0.0,0.0,0.060112152793479874,0.0,0.040650038355891864,0.0,0.2653111421674604,0.0,0.0622279760571817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880293666179751,0.08282514870083255,0.0,0.0768165886330783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662251087348504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808606987297342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102220788427388,0.0427597374796838,0.0,0.08776772504449794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03801172115573978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21066686134546614,0.0,0.10387123375623104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17158746094947888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549355867365206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05917440816108565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355112193393706,0.0,0.0,0.15831184689296265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049844043467048814,0.0,0.07682331020951857,0.08353373410484978,0.0,0.0,0.44406373110818737,0.06187386760456365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786145251747949,0.0,0.0,0.059898292284015824,0.0,0.0870966213440018,0.11014193050016408,0.0,0.062135383127606025,0.13009736665702604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829248983664569,0.2933221564277251,0.0,0.0,0.06253692277642434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338071831376673,0.049854470563132816,0.0,0.1235373749657062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528246659573921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04589155967991873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328631549408685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18908382026514853,0.0 bpd,i_hAtE_yOu_aLl_116,2020/01/20,"I’m so upset with myself, for thinking my friends don’t want me. Because I feel that way right now, and no matter how much they tell me they care and want me with them, I go straight from “I love you and I feel comforted by you” to “clearly you don’t like me or want me around then” and then I go all passive aggressive, and isolate myself, and then I cry about being so alone, and then late I realise “what was I doing” and I know they care and really do appreciate me and it’s such a horrible feeling and I’m so disappointed in myself because I feel like shit right now because of it",1.2579234972677575,3.2661197377049227,3.076639344262297,91.11255464480877,81.13114754098359,6.033879781420765,23.281420765027317,7.1686216300943375,0.7971617486338798,456,16,100,6,12,152,68,122,0.17600000000000002,0.564,0.26,0.7951,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,4,0,9,11,2,1,1,0,6,2,1,1,2,28,22,20,0,3,1,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,14,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,1,4,27,7,10,20,2,15,0,1,0,1,10,5,1,1,9,74,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882615841217342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618161436655944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324206522418633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706585412598232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996686553963043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676387338605311,0.12985837504809472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043705259501815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20661110438363448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989746203258364,0.0,0.20504739965919475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760981216280147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405685989677635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362376911701246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644817609476064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104655983762216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658695211371887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887725614001824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647253640416755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216425505127747,0.14428262160459698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,eyewant2bleve,2020/01/20,"Relationships cause me so much pain and anxiety I am considering ending mine I have only been dating my current boyfriend for a couple of months and at first I was able to manage my symptoms and feelings pretty well, but in the past few weeks the overwhelming feelings of rage, anxiety, despair, rejection and desperation are happening with much greater frequency and intensity and I feel like I'd rather go back to being single. It is so painful for me every day, every time he takes too long to text me back, views a message but doesn't respond, etc. and it's becoming unbearable. It is taking everything in me not to split and go on a destructive emotional rampage. I am so much more at peace when I am single. He is mostly a good boyfriend and there isn't necessarily a 'real' reason to break-up besides the fact that I hate the way relationships make me feel. Anyone else?",7.7470303030303,7.56580224848485,8.080000000000002,69.78666666666669,62.87878787878788,11.454545454545453,36.51515151515152,10.980518767755715,4.104515151515152,701,30,123,17,9,231,107,165,0.2,0.6890000000000001,0.111,-0.9632,1,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,10,11,3,1,9,0,13,3,0,3,1,24,24,15,0,1,4,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,10,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,8,1,1,2,5,15,3,15,21,10,21,0,3,1,0,6,5,0,1,14,89,19,1,0.13530329590441634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20701330205094376,0.0,0.0,0.0946072104546946,0.13863421605783574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20807976555293686,0.0,0.0,0.14943186008634873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899375590201996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497105234084186,0.0,0.08725943249595627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130285419884186,0.15219799656671787,0.11983856002541853,0.0,0.15089894074444385,0.0,0.0,0.22799772476554464,0.0,0.12160187795200568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736536472737461,0.09666070162899187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150889143765758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379196225631506,0.11348598518323047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196482577222786,0.0,0.0,0.13358399277773925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610235594543479,0.0,0.0,0.11973915912899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031600066350924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799779992216572,0.0,0.29839047205951497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290425353533028,0.28794449286792306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291623058278166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765209434771414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400477240044597,0.0,0.13911432292185108,0.0,0.29053020791279244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063193115140946,0.20346247963436548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889643992214798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073974584388988,0.10853214260552613,0.0,0.12165391229066973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,catshaiyayy,2020/01/20,Why am I always convinced people hate me or are done with me over nothing? I’ve been seeing this guy for a couple months now and it’s been going great despite me being an emotional wreck like even if I randomly cry around him or tel him I’m really depressed he doesn’t seem phased and I fucking forgot his birthday this weekend because I was having a depressive episode and I could tell he was so disappointed in me and I was just going to close in on myself out of self loathing but we talked and he said “well I kinda miss you and just want you to feel better” and I just want to bawl my eyes out because I have so many amazing people around me and I just wish I could be good enough for them but my brain is constantly convincing myself I’m not and to just isolate myself so I don’t hurt anyone else idk is this makes sense,1.7508152734778122,3.9175471637426895,3.031186790505675,91.24634674922599,80.28654970760233,5.6609563123495015,21.169934640522875,6.794906146795322,0.4202271069831438,659,19,137,7,17,213,109,171,0.13699999999999998,0.685,0.179,0.8704,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,1,2,1,1,13,15,2,0,3,0,18,3,2,1,0,38,34,17,0,6,11,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,16,0,1,2,1,0,2,3,7,1,0,8,4,29,8,16,22,1,15,0,5,2,1,15,9,1,6,5,97,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435063326329755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449577294722942,0.15312458209339258,0.0,0.26607637019892705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822011873559046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217240596595894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683060988447276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149750107062175,0.0,0.23864015294612725,0.16535861047703782,0.16415887150339076,0.0,0.0,0.2574343915801519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293463955232314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484254427768188,0.16810608003155392,0.0,0.15441715754803184,0.0,0.0987073476092568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755641384368701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815996265463987,0.0,0.0,0.16986665066866816,0.12534780048375307,0.0,0.1647641985388638,0.0,0.14797454725426387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754649790009006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998450564638744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301152570668924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099756036072487,0.15151428722216784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928597751934818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339699408361714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072133945682528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573861825433944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215689938715154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908871992985395,0.1360495763646788,0.1559042561652164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011863725404318,0.13062195978499735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629366350250136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436945805473938,0.0,0.13485132488220758,0.0,0.17185495714943358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,brotonius,2020/01/20,im always sad on my birthday tomorrow is my birthday and im getting progressively sadder as its aproaching. its fucked because i wasnt even sad today or anything but its just the fact that its my birthday that makes it all fucked up. because youre reminded of how little people care and how everythings so superficial how another year has passed and nothing has changed for the better. i really hoped i wouldnt cry this year but i think i will again. or lash out at someone bc this sadness is turning into anger progressively.,4.237255555555556,6.643304570000005,5.027333333333335,78.80922222222225,73.3,7.6444444444444475,31.11111111111111,8.515128840125781,2.7376777777777783,427,20,73,8,9,138,69,100,0.20800000000000002,0.664,0.129,-0.856,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,3,7,9,3,0,2,0,7,2,0,4,2,19,15,12,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,1,0,9,3,8,12,1,12,0,3,0,2,1,6,2,3,5,50,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066209288277908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024663383814045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588924093022992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23540550874674904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076789081468136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19686290973833206,0.0,0.2042582072750868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21209468073367949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753074619437316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353224537638426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3570077316084335,0.10087888366469866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177685880235856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4171296208854481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19352178101938167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288856607522093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18527015567176275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338607483171805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369512221042728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636001973471418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372099854057017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18302189513113967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21002091027736872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486806721303797 bpd,Imiss_baby,2020/01/20,"Fiance left while at work left clothes left cat split me I dont have bpd. I didnt even really know what that meant. Weve been together for 2 years. Shed always get so excited counting the months. I think her longest relationship before me was a year. Shes very quiet. We had a ddlg relationship. Things were... Great. We never argued. We never fought. She always found ways to express her needs and she always talked about how much she loved me and was afraid to leave me or etc and that for the first time in her life she felt stable. When we met she was a bulimic self harming drop out. When she left she was thicc hadnt self harmed in over a year, got back into schooling graduated w her ged. Held down 2 different jobs for over 8 months each. She seemed so happy and carefree. We moved into a pretty shitty housing situation but were working hard to get out. I bought her a car taught her the basics. She asked me when I propose to her she wanted a ring. I got that ring. I got us a new house lined up. Every thing was great. We got pulled over on thanksgiving and she got it in her head I was going to goto prison( for a traffic violation... No amount of reassuring would she listen too). The day before court she disappeared. Took the car. Left her clothes. Left her cat. Texted me while I was at work that this just wasnt good for her and that she cant trust me anymore and that she was blocking me. The next day she said she didnt need a reason to leave her and to never contact her again. I dropped her clothes off at work and she called the police and told them a bunch of crazy lies. Now I just feel like she manipulated me into getting her a car. Did she love me ? Will I ever see her again? People that abuse themselves abuse others even if they dont notice it. I realize now anytime I had something I needed support on she got irrationally angry at me so she didnt need to be there. This is another one of those. I really wish she was in my life again even as just friends. Ive never genuinely loved or cared about someone before her. Nobody can really answer these questions. Shes off idealizing someone else now huh. Its like I never existed.",1.1386378205128196,3.6263482662037054,2.509259259259263,91.869358974359,86.01388888888891,5.360113960113961,18.724358974358974,6.844919456158928,0.18606004273504287,1689,45,352,22,52,544,216,432,0.11699999999999999,0.742,0.141,0.9024,2,0,1,0,2,0,49.0,8,0,2,6,25,22,3,1,19,1,33,6,1,3,6,58,72,24,0,9,7,0,3,2,1,2,2,5,0,2,18,22,0,2,11,0,1,8,14,6,0,2,38,9,82,16,41,31,5,68,0,0,1,3,73,28,0,5,31,240,100,8,0.0,0.15842660814619994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16688838286348462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701042359370083,0.0,0.0,0.06630308384072515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250123761714879,0.0,0.0,0.051408057041733984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066832926901018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420266025974832,0.0,0.06826734446898762,0.0,0.06816404140002735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623304378032334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985018147700114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670922373792098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558495221142144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456199628746761,0.13247306577339962,0.06047498525243253,0.05632897561656855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033804349671732736,0.04776186526193545,0.06419214429721486,0.0,0.0,0.0568675907474247,0.0,0.0733040388720484,0.051652699191271835,0.0,0.10478833841756648,0.0,0.037995746233294686,0.056075553374772116,0.3208246032651063,0.14741772211017215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116934417594999,0.05988975073032865,0.0,0.06861343693672241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428545483663786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634416046972419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03674225185585806,0.0,0.0,0.14158148067974394,0.4358347579152364,0.0,0.09444459262376312,0.06532482725565915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18102016835149864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672747624502707,0.0710572367122056,0.04914677589331468,0.1982911981982876,0.25781694157858515,0.06456984069335606,0.07110200356349934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611588039691064,0.0,0.0,0.045303285185122534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046349460151021336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801648107721601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489390389868894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128488796226879,0.0687389956354916,0.0,0.14355642376892194,0.0,0.0,0.06359526667729247,0.0,0.0,0.06766173573616276,0.053275493028099655,0.0608630965330861,0.13949055993335732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514882794327836,0.0,0.0,0.11329356697862347,0.051468934810012856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586727818663898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053736236524685066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883217281510833,0.04283855845563609,0.0,0.0,0.03898421043612403,0.0,0.0,0.06388367340843723,0.07427936009410004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041941080373596,0.0,0.0,0.05516311568611909,0.039433339473116516,0.05306709813799325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688098064075179,0.0,0.0,0.19468755334073745,0.0,0.0,0.047492510131252316,0.0,0.0,0.12915901466416158 bpd,SadQueen97,2020/01/20,"Academic Research | Practitioners of Dialectical Behavior Therapy Hello Everyone :) My name is Maria Keedus. I am conducting an academic study on ‘The mediating effects of self-regulation on the effect of mindfulness and mindful meditation on negative affect’ within the psychology undergraduate dissertation project at University of Dundee. I’m posting in this group because I’m looking for participants who actively engage in mindful meditation. If you would like to take part in the study please fill out this brief questionnaire. Your participation is highly valued. For any questions please contact me at ([MJKeedus@dundee.ac.uk](mailto:MJKeedus@dundee.ac.uk)) or the dissertation supervisor ([y.kamide@dundee.ac.uk](mailto:y.kamide@dundee.ac.uk)).   [https://dundee.onlinesurveys.ac.uk/the-mediating-effects-of-self-regulation-on-the-effect-of](https://dundee.onlinesurveys.ac.uk/the-mediating-effects-of-self-regulation-on-the-effect-of) Be part of science!",14.837510822510822,19.741880023809532,11.915367965367965,30.037207792207823,50.34920634920636,14.740548340548342,47.16883116883117,12.872792785125622,8.718057142857145,817,45,72,32,11,246,81,126,0.032,0.81,0.158,0.9115,0,0,0,0,0,0,75.0,0,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,6,0,5,0,0,3,0,13,9,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,18,7,2,14,0,0,1,0,8,11,0,3,1,43,8,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204234384160328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004360717158114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743509166247446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407782123139362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804933374845014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835677321421294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4990814243574073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568377108544233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617136647313232,0.0,0.0,0.15779438681722904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18456873245008792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5156413505392823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387889814518435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884172406874587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704066605548714,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mirabelle_Lisette,2020/01/20,"When I was diagnosed with BPD, it felt like a death sentence. Especially when I learned that it isn’t necessarily “curable”. Yes you can learn to cope and learn healthier habits, but basically this is who and how you are, and it’s forever. Truly felt like a death sentence. My symptoms were the worst they’d ever been after my diagnosis. It’s been about two years now, and I’m still here. I used to have panic attacks or deregulation episodes daily. Now it’s very rare, maybe once every 3 or so months. I haven’t self harmed in almost 2 years. I have learned to heal through my diet, exercise , and positive affirmations. After getting fired from my desk job soon after my diagnosis, I had this moment where I thought “I don’t want to live like this, I am either going to let BPD kill me or I have to change”. One of the biggest changes that I work on DAILY is forgiving myself. Thinking in my head “yes okay you’ve done some shit you aren’t proud of, but you’re human and you’re allowed to make mistakes AND you’re allowed to forgive yourself”. Every mistake you make can be something to learn from, you can change the behavior and hating yourself will not propagate change. Forgiving myself and letting go of guilt and shame is something I have to work on constantly, as I am not perfect but I do my best to be honest and kind. It is possible to feel okay, it took me years of work AND it’s daily work. But I’m assuring you, if you stay dedicated and focused to being your best self, every single day, it can start to get better and it WILL start to come more naturally. It’s not easy. Trust me I know. But we as human beings are so much stronger than we think. We have more control than we feel we do. You can do this.",2.3576953748006417,4.571413722222225,3.702110579479002,86.97906698564594,78.44444444444444,6.601594896331737,24.691121743753317,7.686295010490155,1.2939695906432758,1351,49,273,21,33,442,171,342,0.175,0.632,0.193,0.3181,4,0,2,0,0,1,38.0,5,9,1,10,13,28,4,3,5,4,40,7,2,7,3,65,63,30,3,4,13,0,5,3,0,2,4,0,0,4,18,21,1,1,16,1,0,4,7,11,0,2,10,5,42,17,35,44,9,30,0,0,0,0,23,6,1,6,22,188,60,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832135542484743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170331646343136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20608503451538127,0.0868395335174303,0.0,0.0,0.24732934314563865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154806234885036,0.08458048862405716,0.0,0.1061066230481987,0.11012647856253877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633233024047102,0.0,0.0,0.0996590133026394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048067643408533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881689921129708,0.24818352228425605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929386522924248,0.0,0.1885522480544447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259862269667863,0.0,0.11160529761434923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694057512333014,0.10076947828117806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743669368585084,0.0,0.1086307578006053,0.10224795932530302,0.053961697820283074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008082890587562,0.0,0.1439094670501279,0.0,0.08670202920923305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108284705528958,0.0,0.0986433008566425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837292941174702,0.0,0.07217966606947054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045672884464064,0.06653490360406214,0.0,0.0,0.11520276293181825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069250592686193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20486353077746405,0.0,0.10078883409354343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118023349496748,0.0,0.0,0.13899630636919488,0.10465561685752683,0.07841326831981725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205519391238037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583013994396788,0.0,0.07795050777121536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909076556892522,0.0,0.0,0.09591565909796827,0.0,0.0,0.08480312785116206,0.0,0.08101559455738913,0.057913977538469524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859288800250311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969005349523185 bpd,Squeezo_the_lad,2020/01/20,"Does anyone else get really hopeless, miserable, splitty, dissociative and all that stuff at a specific time of day? I noticed this just the past two weeks, every single day at ~6ish when the sun sets I get way more sensitive and dissociative. Does anyone know what this means or how I can handle it? I’ve been sort of just letting myself suffer and trying to get all my tasks done before 6 in the day but it’s hard getting hit over and over daily. I’m just wondering what people think, thanks guys.",4.047812499999999,6.049223156250001,4.823333333333334,81.855,72.64583333333334,7.716666666666668,23.458333333333336,8.472884824447931,1.5419208333333336,397,11,73,7,8,128,71,96,0.09,0.87,0.04,-0.4109,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,4,0,4,0,0,1,2,17,15,8,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,1,5,1,8,11,4,14,0,3,0,0,1,5,0,3,7,45,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489794235020282,0.18242302582351835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149893174195375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34446322474059266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116080178805172,0.18219674018994605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872957932222178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000638376047407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720742189783253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17628759723585108,0.0,0.0,0.15948887465175762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784613108591073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18205796859671008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19393776062482893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20269972674111408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995933126367038,0.1234305227531928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405698674473605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038132110399418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16391531698959455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140808468306584,0.0,0.0,0.10381655919125587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087747714288948,0.0,0.17391921552482573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131986959125686,0.14281295351322193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19307679170394093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,e45mlb,2020/01/20,"Hey guys Ive fallen into a hole since this year started and I can't seem to get out of it. Ive missed a ton of school and am so overwhelmed. My friends / parents do not understand. My boyfriend is also overwhelmed I think. He says everything is fine but I dont believe him. I feel bad because he is suffering because of me. I also feel like I annoy my therapist. I always come to her with the same thoughts etc and I'm not making any progress currently. The only good thing I have going for me right now is 1 year 3 months self harm free! ( and 10 months with my boyfriend!!). I feel like I have to do something really crazy to get out this episode. Maybe get a tattoo? Or a piercing? Or maybe a dog! Do you have any advice for me regarding my Situation? Also : this is my first Post on here, sorry if I did something wrong..",0.8217669172932354,3.112451452380956,2.467944862155388,93.11740601503759,85.07142857142857,5.441604010025063,22.53258145363409,6.8360192770164,0.6338761904761903,636,23,137,8,19,208,102,168,0.17,0.713,0.11699999999999999,-0.9109,2,0,2,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,0,2,6,14,1,2,7,0,17,0,0,1,0,25,33,12,0,1,6,1,3,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,5,10,0,0,7,0,1,3,4,8,0,1,2,4,25,7,15,31,3,17,0,4,0,0,11,5,0,4,10,87,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144438115351487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32270958581369985,0.11192545055878136,0.0,0.0,0.1829466747378293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231259484736084,0.16399554591712395,0.0,0.0,0.15154989724108253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587089287981465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764803552501858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500173628477823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208914585993836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040411862493285,0.1921919859458208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441654489164355,0.0,0.0,0.10392427915649567,0.0,0.21083220634271707,0.0,0.0764467414120253,0.1128229802898573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318885025375676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143234893548686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978835885564085,0.0,0.2702724359438225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21473371592613089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230306896145816,0.0,0.0,0.1493605797294435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288261088205995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617236360431828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487322226557282,0.0,0.10697000174856798,0.0,0.13613416574455064,0.0,0.12245542892174732,0.14032621835046036,0.0,0.0,0.11127040339152408,0.15119805732786185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071090972139204,0.0,0.15057610099639315,0.09520887374853712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617976376451276,0.08936434755838818,0.08619039038249654,0.0,0.10678816217333408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003260038098558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470686639536186,0.0,0.17324370530739394 bpd,broketaurus,2020/01/20,"Job Suggestions? I (F18) have anxiety, depression, and obviously BPD. I had a part time job earlier this year but I quit due to everyday having panic attacks because customers (it was a cashier job) were either yelling, asking me super personal questions, or snapping at me. I couldn’t take it and quit on the spot one day. I need money because my mom can’t handle my bpd and keeps being emotionally abusive. She’s beginning to hate me. I tell her I want to die every day almost, but at this point she stopped caring. I need to move out and be on my own, but i dont know how to make enough money to leave by summer of 2020. I cannot work a customer service job!! I’m also a full time online college student... I just need some advice right now because I have no one to help push me on the right path. The only person I’m close to doesn’t even know what he wants either.",4.020776515151514,4.799262857954549,5.349318181818184,82.83356060606064,70.98863636363636,7.912121212121212,28.303030303030305,8.07648339933343,1.808573484848485,677,24,136,9,12,227,115,176,0.188,0.7340000000000001,0.078,-0.9665,5,0,0,0,1,1,25.0,0,0,0,4,6,6,2,1,7,0,13,0,0,2,1,29,29,10,1,6,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,5,6,0,2,3,0,2,2,6,4,0,2,3,1,22,2,16,23,7,24,0,1,0,0,12,11,0,4,11,86,27,8,0.0,0.13472520057531145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111398839253994,0.0,0.0,0.11386197992406195,0.0,0.0,0.0909321211440412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869861888336568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630148398310636,0.129359087063563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20794573749236636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28642209601560553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159327243964958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666430412753034,0.0,0.09793639875036464,0.0,0.11801078911239518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326474540570524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790601896875942,0.0,0.11749059807196258,0.0,0.07510295804468071,0.0,0.09580376209456902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226295417536716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621597045401184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4513499559637518,0.10106875561654304,0.0,0.0,0.12498171383688292,0.0,0.0,0.12040018785686295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590086830732595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331732517054167,0.0,0.12085344223925945,0.0,0.2529387748893485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410275470023865,0.08647993864286005,0.0,0.1334116542989014,0.0,0.12313451346224058,0.0,0.0,0.19857060557296727,0.0,0.0,0.10749066546884917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737880767235235,0.24188457568580135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19421175364694096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506484843473308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549414698811755,0.0,0.09938566685309892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260791559534346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413566400329194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278066412033021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322412297762808 bpd,danielpelikan,2020/01/20,"Are you paranoid? I am a gay man with BPD and I have a boyfriend for 2,5 years. I am extremely jealous and paranoid and I cant turn off my fear and emotions. When I have opportunity I check his phone. Not because I want but because of my fear. Anxiety overwhelms me and I cant think clearly until I check his phone. When I discover something, borderline rage begins and it is horrible. I often think that it was something but it wasnt. For example: he was texting with friend..... How to overcome this? We have very strong relationship and he is very tolerant. I just dont want to hurt him.",1.1548563218390804,3.7405935086206914,2.8880689655172453,88.13049425287358,88.05172413793105,6.196781609195403,26.698850574712644,7.554174236665415,1.785685747126437,461,22,92,9,15,152,69,116,0.24600000000000002,0.647,0.107,-0.9273,0,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,0,2,5,9,2,3,2,0,14,1,0,1,1,21,20,13,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,10,0,0,2,0,2,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,20,3,9,17,0,6,0,2,0,1,12,1,0,1,5,65,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15621005766958904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248953050910532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25717882767574873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393172277608013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296940108228617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4595565301704631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776200637035656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185969880716624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192310353160134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144014755668291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261682236854602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221075736371446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369676297479063,0.2408812259791243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149609870842652 bpd,tis_i_bri,2020/01/20,"bpd people so i just got diagnosed about a month ago, and it was about two-three weeks after that i actually got to talk to a professional (my therapist) about my diagnosis because my psychiatrist (the one who put the diagnosis on my sheet) didn’t even tell me that she had diagnosed me with something new. so i started joining facebook groups so i could like interact with other people who have been through/have similar diagnoses as me. anyway, like, i feel like a lot of the bpd groups are just like circle jerks and i don’t see how any progress is made by everyone just saying like “i’m so sorry you did this as a result of your bpd” instead of giving insight on how to correct your behavior or telling you that yes, you can mess up, but that doesn’t mean you can use your disorder to excuse your actions. it’s a matter of learning what toxic/negative behaviors we exhibit and correcting them, right? i just don’t want to fall off the deep end and get into a cycle of glorifying or over-excusing my behavior with the justification of my mental illness. i don’t think it’s fair to ourselves or others around us to act like we’re infallible. am i overreacting with my frustration or are my concerns warranted?",7.804102564102564,7.005385777777783,8.454316239316242,69.18096153846156,63.017094017094024,12.244444444444444,37.44871794871795,11.538034831475384,4.37591282051282,968,42,178,26,12,326,139,234,0.068,0.8,0.131,0.865,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,2,8,1,1,17,9,2,0,11,1,17,4,0,6,2,37,30,17,0,2,9,0,1,6,0,0,4,1,0,0,13,11,0,0,6,0,0,4,5,3,0,1,8,3,32,6,30,21,1,19,0,0,1,0,23,8,0,5,13,127,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.11936905069401252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843145753038064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318344996722357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889290042601207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745666206187884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4621824718599026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976645103546129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724640879688119,0.0,0.0,0.1401921072740738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834136960450967,0.0,0.0,0.08079281423220427,0.0,0.0,0.11688432802606125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06184989818097472,0.08738717153474297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390842327113856,0.11734282516135232,0.0,0.0,0.19566485021986355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35856337604661714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399415938549307,0.0,0.11574444500665272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324499104830834,0.0,0.0,0.12327224327262486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763660006728606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813976932635148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288884723928089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960594828309702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296783219627247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446269056921158,0.0,0.09727570945137147,0.0,0.0,0.09747514303121023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416978608952337,0.0,0.13692995056010265,0.0865804486170254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983181392322341,0.2138303983880133,0.0,0.0,0.14202577427128033,0.0,0.07837927676261122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949124420676314,0.0,0.14713882734872608,0.10564730884255802,0.0,0.0,0.07214894103960598,0.0,0.09811967845325076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,imaklainer98,2020/01/20,"Need Help... :( So, I love my bf...I honestly do. But, yesterday I just randomly ended up sexting with one of my guy friends... I just feel really fucking alone when my bf’s not here with me. Even considered finding someone else to temporarily ‘fill the void’ but I don’t think I can do that... Has anyone else in a committed relationship felt this way? In anger, my bf told me that I’m impulsive and that I cling to whomever’s around, yesterday after I told him that I’d done what I did... I just can’t help it. I need that constant validation and attention that comes with being involved with someone. When I don’t get it, I feel worthless and like I don’t matter to ANYONE. :(",2.036607347876004,4.189999962686566,3.9285074626865684,85.25627439724455,79.22388059701494,7.705166475315733,25.97933409873709,8.617729084823388,2.002774512055109,521,21,107,12,13,176,79,134,0.12300000000000001,0.762,0.115,-0.4835,0,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,0,9,7,2,0,2,0,11,2,0,0,1,26,24,8,0,2,6,0,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,10,9,0,0,6,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,5,3,20,4,13,18,0,14,0,1,0,2,12,4,1,1,8,71,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831990143164419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473635344955056,0.1812390911922197,0.0,0.1574647220691387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237034920587786,0.0,0.19114932379702487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810142741638136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955286337135787,0.0,0.1566671801983585,0.0,0.0,0.11683055542176185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887625343745991,0.0,0.16983687577939488,0.0,0.1616692442550744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666053926475713,0.1635268859405327,0.09241485963636624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514348184529802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23712392672611804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641684035791884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964518287228344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26231525652595405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986152671204645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331675115255102,0.0,0.0,0.1899077743694753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997473549483511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334045638531323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33804147294923537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040269651541082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kayb1217,2020/01/20,"Self diagnosing? TW: Suicidal thoughts So im probably going to get a ton of shit for this so I'll probably end up deleting it and every time I post it somewhere, people basically invalidate what I go through without knowing me personally. A couple years ago, i found out about BPD. I started to realize that I have a lot of the traits. So I did more research and discovered I have every single one of the traits. Family and my old friends noticed it too. Come to find out recently that my biological uncle suffers from it. Over time I've realized this is the one reason that makes sense for how I feel, act, and why I don't feel normal or the same as everyone. I started to realize that I probably had this disorder way before I thought there was anything wrong with me. Why I changed my hair every other day, or got upset when my family had people over and I still felt alone so I'd stay in my bedroom and get so fucking angry that they were feeling better than I was. I thought I was bipolar at first but I'm not. My moods don't last very long and Im constantly jumping from one to the next. This is exhausting. I went to several therapists and then finally a psychiatrist who told me I had traits of it. I got put on antipsychotics but they didn't do anything because I was also heavily self medicating with lots of drugs. I guess what Im getting at is I don't know if I should go back to see someone. I just read a post about how it was better before they got diagnosed. I mean im already pretty self aware but at the same time sometimes I feel like I could be faking it?? I had trauma growing up but not nearly as bad as some people. I have a dbt workbook and I try to control my moods and emotions, and it just keeps getting worse. Its ruining my 6 year relationship and in the past has caused a lot of problems with my family. I can't even hold a job and I don't have my license and I just turned 23. Suicide is on my mind a lot lately. I guess I just want to know if I should try to get diagnosed. If youve read all this thank you and please no rude comments.",2.0275414781297134,3.9659111882352964,4.0138823529411765,85.69457315233788,78.29411764705883,7.370739064856712,26.191553544494724,8.303829127061777,1.7870277526395169,1625,65,338,32,39,553,211,425,0.12300000000000001,0.8029999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.9670000000000001,1,1,1,0,0,1,33.0,0,1,3,4,20,19,3,1,16,0,31,10,2,6,1,79,70,37,2,9,16,0,6,1,1,2,7,0,1,4,23,21,0,3,18,2,0,9,10,12,0,4,22,7,55,5,45,44,11,51,0,2,1,1,13,14,2,12,25,231,78,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06056043563760598,0.0,0.0,0.07075760464562833,0.07539142190053966,0.05463446695388032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244099401443726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05253288943698987,0.05704328927404478,0.04164646617825525,0.0,0.11626842156416815,0.0,0.0,0.12084473684592695,0.0,0.0,0.08604505395204448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018215915256941,0.07227216190649513,0.05885054004822895,0.0,0.07382828085606792,0.07662526952075006,0.0545469500098868,0.07559337980672128,0.0,0.044059931608086654,0.0,0.0,0.2080262309527184,0.0,0.0,0.07829918810316755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922804176006895,0.0,0.0,0.07684938037991658,0.060510120312508485,0.0,0.0,0.045123879524717914,0.0,0.17268444005354014,0.06528147814008506,0.0,0.0,0.1932144668121775,0.0,0.1381760187787546,0.04880691727121208,0.06559669851656283,0.07483983378168826,0.06244208524287573,0.05811188030034299,0.0,0.07490796561760578,0.05278288447148159,0.06315956877543367,0.17846859400226492,0.0,0.116481332935566,0.0,0.16392219801567018,0.0,0.1505215758032784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951838254022023,0.0,0.06779580181208844,0.060724829898721376,0.0,0.0,0.11263856866888836,0.05568888664801863,0.07706650778694085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033377082554647886,0.0,0.0,0.06045992978784945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23232857842522375,0.0,0.0,0.04560328549620733,0.0,0.0,0.07441912972675442,0.0,0.06882393708140237,0.0,0.0,0.0689824459300781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265774874388801,0.0,0.06693785394909169,0.0,0.07778133155361089,0.0716890189596862,0.0,0.13888362692819192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521796209687812,0.14209082422242295,0.05965328341457705,0.0,0.07499345427940657,0.0,0.0,0.13086092439570607,0.0695047135786866,0.22097745112578304,0.06537180185958966,0.0,0.06867919750254922,0.0,0.0,0.13667444418184532,0.0,0.0,0.07024303709431165,0.06745650786184512,0.07334875282001195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054441185798448616,0.0,0.21381401819564969,0.07718072334596705,0.07012819875752402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057886241675877664,0.0,0.06756897490194894,0.0,0.0967127032204159,0.0728186804231133,0.054559429280187234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945921298936388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289871142138476,0.0,0.07932331592266141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16271233072771202,0.11951160972491252,0.0,0.0,0.06528147814008506,0.0,0.0927678717497558,0.07431116445114716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05637011052540317,0.04029615943257298,0.054228231130422425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333215094013374,0.12329406239992358,0.0,0.0,0.0658568216849508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962262665131813,0.0,0.0746958108523363,0.0,0.0879900496483744 bpd,dancetilsunday,2020/01/20,I'm spiraling. I just found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me with his ex. I don't know what to do. I am shaking uncontrolably and my mind is going to all the dark places I had hoped I would never visit again. He's my FP and now I feel completely lost.,0.2263095238095261,2.2385928214285715,2.3785714285714303,94.63309523809528,85.07142857142857,5.8761904761904775,20.047619047619047,7.1686216300943375,0.30892619047619085,202,6,48,3,6,68,45,56,0.14800000000000002,0.804,0.049,-0.6478,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,2,1,0,8,0,0,0,2,13,15,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,4,1,11,1,5,10,1,9,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581354871974421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271087177514505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745199828179879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19412526847652686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392616136463464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877210007182462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.372870085296764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448939542205842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634441376381413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568737707926623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426454851878846,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,heademptynothots,2020/01/20,"DAE feel batshit crazy when they’re romantically involved with someone like...the instability i feel when im “thinging” with someone. i actually feel INSANE. constantly thinking about what theyre doing, what theyre thinking about, making up scenarios of us getting married and being in love, etc. the second im all alone, not pursuing anyone, i feel so sane and stable...like i dont even have BPD anymore.",5.557990867579907,7.864237698630141,6.450890410958905,70.48309360730596,69.27397260273972,8.154337899543378,34.08447488584475,8.841846274778883,3.3526913242009133,324,16,50,6,6,107,52,73,0.111,0.7909999999999999,0.099,0.0431,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,1,13,13,5,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,5,1,7,12,2,5,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.1905155867007801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20219862585013645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19361495720824712,0.13650883152141266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458844071593253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109734637391682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22880722803966155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21773222125291766,0.12894707895526225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3948551009101041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199922579457583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4217621849159043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537915056955404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762020211779729,0.0,0.1303170409423163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308342214553615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970163936589454,0.25019004190439964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23483675086488245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gzeus_giuce25,2020/01/20,"My bpd ex came back after a rough break up She left me, completely ghosted me 5 months ago. Didn't say why she left, nothing. Started sleeping with someone else within a week. Seemed happy with him but he dumped her a month ago. She gave me no closure so I made my own. Then she came back a week ago, telling me she has loved and missed me the whole time. That therapy made he realize that she loved me and was using the other guy to get over me. It feels like the only reason she came back was for her own closure at the expense of my own. I want to believe she loved me but she has just disappeared, again. I think she was just lonely, but it hurts as bad as the first time. Does anyone have any insight, any experiences like this? I know no one can answer what it means, I'm just wondering if others have experienced this.",1.5884712927087037,3.7912952934131785,2.655547728073266,93.52040507220856,81.09580838323353,5.606058471292709,20.601972525537164,6.794906146795322,0.2547995068686162,642,18,139,7,17,204,102,167,0.136,0.728,0.136,0.2263,0,2,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,8,11,1,0,9,0,9,4,1,4,0,28,30,10,1,2,7,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,10,7,0,0,10,0,1,4,3,5,0,2,10,4,28,6,13,20,4,28,0,3,0,3,23,6,0,3,19,92,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30370938463009794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15532758344213646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985528027975003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634513995114299,0.0953569884380578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867071425646376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14383808015416308,0.0,0.0,0.3918626853413026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974250273336295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999421769689468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540420710764944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171508815121996,0.0,0.0,0.05774583300150691,0.08158857431185798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714330937846148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059667764153894465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308159758027472,0.0,0.12157409042090647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225956302807794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627644655309511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24816965263566526,0.0,0.0,0.11159027173097584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30922530718794633,0.21612838788026392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244034869523796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823157989952754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958344850565087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738873742947039,0.08685858053047045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742247968691505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082095586714964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103968579265203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428817716771596,0.0,0.09676611830168198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083538169141584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982081490118076,0.0,0.1306041701349665,0.0,0.0,0.07317840060899046,0.0,0.0,0.13318852321673022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863705572530072,0.0,0.0,0.06736148034258567,0.0,0.1832178461973882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305287994761736,0.12750658461114892,0.0,0.0,0.12385120906915037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,humanem0ti0n,2020/01/20,"Irrational thinking Long time lurker, first post. I just want something to happen. Everything feels slow and stagnant and I’m desperate for something to change. My brain is on high alert, I feel erratic but bored? I can’t concentrate or be coherent. Like earlier I was happily considering jumping off the balcony in work not to kill myself, not even considering that it would hurt, but just for SOMETHING to happen. I need for my mind to be occupied but I don’t feel calm enough to read right now? Why am I being so dramatic? What do people do to calm themselves down and centre themselves?",4.415596330275228,6.946139779816519,5.007788990825691,78.57333486238534,73.22018348623854,8.763669724770642,30.16605504587156,9.3871,3.1465625688073398,472,21,81,12,10,151,76,109,0.087,0.7240000000000001,0.188,0.9227,1,0,3,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,1,0,1,0,11,1,1,0,0,19,20,8,1,3,8,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,3,0,1,1,3,10,3,14,15,1,13,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,1,6,55,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20978672821198024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19879999517471386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19417701754029568,0.0,0.12412285443161893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889509608307504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28506195686401176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984912058184186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323633536671621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19855334311245731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20117786554522712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20791144429562936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181078406641248,0.0,0.0,0.16630793147766368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18975092976715047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934419075311094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028370548508605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998044096206128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18797610398738945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604871356231224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4340221130453262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204149113075862,0.0,0.0,0.10958072379871464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108431806857997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957330709082385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681181926612845,0.0,0.0,0.13349670487049234,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lizzobeth10,2020/01/20,"Why is splitting a thing Why. Why am I such an awful person. I’ve tried explaining what splitting is to people and they just look at me like I’m insane. I don’t notice that I’ve split until it’s completely taken hold and I’m stuck in the 2nd mood. How can I go from adoring my boyfriend and being completely infatuated with him one minute, to despising him and wanting to leave him in the dirt the next? It goes from “I treasure you” to “you’re a *bleep bleep bleep*”. Aaaand then the rage gets free poured into the cocktail and off I go into all out crazy. Why is this something that humans can even do? There is nothing redeeming about splitting.",1.5274418604651174,4.0503174031007765,2.6740775193798463,91.20832558139536,84.27131782945736,5.300465116279073,21.0031007751938,6.742157984588678,0.4606719379844964,511,16,103,6,15,163,85,129,0.157,0.748,0.096,-0.8056,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,0,6,7,2,0,8,1,10,0,0,1,1,15,20,8,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,9,1,1,1,1,1,2,1,2,0,1,2,1,12,5,16,17,1,12,0,0,1,0,8,7,0,0,4,66,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39359802203189054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397353306201805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806507052192552,0.0,0.2133475302788045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19874632183017152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170033452765748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762003147593995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19962019912711645,0.0,0.0,0.18010241808333366,0.2136967517096404,0.0,0.0,0.12718981683392702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012697253345684,0.16389167734578186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449999297783062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469898974372598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274354170851104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070983493229836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6774772329987511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Throwaway-me-,2020/01/20,"my boyfirnds mad at me and turned his pone fof at work so he odesn't hve to talk to me i'm having the biggest meltdown i've had in years, i've been ctrying since he turned his phonw off and i feel slo alone and don't know whwat to do, i have no friend sto reach out to i need help, i wantr to do something so stupid",-0.6733450704225348,1.2378594647887342,0.8346302816901421,104.88602992957749,88.15492957746478,3.5500000000000003,17.325704225352112,3.1291,-1.2426492957746476,246,6,64,0,8,78,50,71,0.157,0.7490000000000001,0.094,-0.6972,0,1,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,2,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,13,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,9,1,10,11,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,1,33,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147670796926702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366992047135147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348060605789648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037096275308402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670252194009643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22535112310398986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25140386146005816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23397069299675244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442775344997435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6611503693488731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212557047329496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957130340162176 bpd,whoami0505,2020/01/20,I live in germany And I read all your posts and think its awful that you have to pay for a therapy in USA. Here the government pays for all this stuff. I dont know why i am posting this...,0.2374390243902447,1.963816097560976,2.222134146341464,97.38734756097564,83.14634146341461,6.051219512195122,20.006097560975608,7.1686216300943375,0.17684878048780428,144,4,36,2,4,48,33,41,0.11800000000000001,0.882,0.0,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,2,6,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,5,5,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,26,11,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35388633465770497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594531612364133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666297805084867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5783744695188611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30203442897677485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34566361859010397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34530924651027506,0.0,0.0,0.1934791082781228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27246536070518945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Just4BPD,2020/01/20,"Struggling I was doing better for a really long time, but since November of last year I have been feeling suicidal. I have tried to talk to my family about it, but they don't seem to understand how scared I am right now. I have a therapist, but I'm having a really hard time talking about my thoughts because I'm disappointed with myself that I'm back here again and I also am hiding it on purpose in a way in case I want to attempt. I also don't have words to describe what I'm going through because there's just so much going on that I don't know how to explain it and capture what I'm feeling. I don't know how to get back in control. I also don't think I want to kill myself, but that hasn't stopped me in the past from attempting. How do I handle this?",6.126785714285713,4.5684671677018684,7.210302795031057,79.21309394409941,66.7639751552795,10.286024844720496,33.16847826086956,9.188382445141503,2.663564596273293,598,21,128,9,8,204,87,161,0.17600000000000002,0.759,0.066,-0.9726,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,4,17,5,1,2,5,0,17,0,0,5,0,26,36,14,2,2,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,2,9,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,3,3,19,1,21,33,1,21,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,1,11,93,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819840418317238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448603913128048,0.0,0.19411782055952695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408169713740864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17857854079970711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15009825418566589,0.0,0.16101262652225246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318577225198348,0.0,0.1809765594399667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262966394109788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17615311473872378,0.0,0.17500607268302973,0.12978538514204385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090450977719726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170448706827245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519933121023115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20400055771986328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597283647027836,0.0,0.0,0.1594067926742104,0.0,0.0,0.1449477230923354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170826121129847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311487948135686,0.0,0.16645110189702694,0.0,0.17416061523598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559496829928823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486645590234507,0.0,0.1020216167497634,0.0,0.12640273360302534,0.18568468780410624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809979053763466,0.0,0.0,0.16575342361418216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878239227426811,0.12638126359604734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025323288869175 bpd,butlb,2020/01/20,"Do any of you guys have experience with Citalopram? I was doing really well for about 7 months. The skills I learned in DBT were helping and I hadn’t had any serious urges to harm myself in any way, but as always the dark thoughts started to creep back in. I decided to admit defeat and finally go on medication after refusing it for years. My psychiatrist prescribed me 20mg of Citalopram. I’ve only been taking it for a few days so I haven’t had time to feel any effects yet (though she wasn’t kidding about taking it with food - holy fucking nausea), but I was just wondering if anybody has an experience with it and what you thought of it?",6.671666666666668,6.4015206111111125,7.256984126984129,75.09357142857142,65.1111111111111,10.374603174603177,34.66666666666667,9.957137785484203,3.3146000000000004,511,21,97,10,7,169,86,126,0.092,0.851,0.057999999999999996,-0.7362,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,3,8,5,1,0,4,0,13,3,0,1,0,19,23,9,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,6,1,1,8,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,10,1,12,1,21,13,1,15,0,1,0,1,8,4,1,2,9,69,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501501894963334,0.0,0.0,0.4908531123612969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875614420870966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163763556423152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530325876547913,0.0,0.0,0.09124175251604458,0.0,0.0,0.19767591084483147,0.0,0.0,0.218202794810114,0.0,0.0,0.16682459935267088,0.0,0.0,0.10255480457828924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867545767794402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095290583409694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18178600570091594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403474802465618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372415756553257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560191770450008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277245734880246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271354296177591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729278389086334,0.2865168325209532,0.10522278094941703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143234083248768,0.0,0.0,0.16224766259709614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956920660648436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620491608961975 bpd,treemister1,2020/01/20,"Was just diagnosed. Feeling overwhelmed by everything. Hi everyone, I'm new here. I was just diagnosed last week and am now trying to cope with the fact that this is who I have been and will be. Ive been worried that I might have this illness for a while but always found a way to rationalize that it didn't apply enough (also I'm a hypochondriac so I'm usually wrong in those instances). Welp, after going to therapy sessions for the first time in my life we've found that it really is the case for me. I'm feeling very overwhelmed by it. So much of my life is starting to fall into place. My actions, my feelings, my decisions, everything. It's all I can think about right now. I keep feeling as though this somehow validates my fears that I'm somehow defective. The irony being that I already knew all about this PD from majoring in psych in college, but that doesn't seem to be helping. Possibly even making it worse? I feel as though everything in my life has been driven by this. I'm starting to see why I have such a problem maintaining lasting friendships with most people I know, and why most of them eventually leave. I'm seeing why my social behaviors often come off as very blunt or intense and why I havnt been able to change that as much as I've wanted to in the past. I also wish I could tell a friend but I know it'll end up with me seeming different to them forever and I simply can't have that. I've told my girlfriend and she's very supportive but even then I'm worried about what the future will be like. Am I just my illness? Have I always been? How much better can things really get from here?",3.4611359847582785,5.136718758513934,4.489055727554182,85.00514348654444,73.48916408668731,7.817527982853061,26.974160514408197,8.502166056373571,1.8958226720647768,1281,47,254,23,26,417,164,323,0.1,0.7859999999999999,0.114,0.3398,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,2,3,23,10,0,3,11,0,33,7,0,2,3,49,68,25,0,4,8,0,5,1,2,4,7,0,0,0,24,11,0,1,14,0,0,5,3,6,0,1,13,7,32,4,40,46,9,34,0,2,2,0,11,11,0,9,18,180,56,3,0.09287969971251216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024950582327999,0.14855172460716945,0.15456670119684685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214454660697945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825440688715194,0.08000763717167368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415688253049056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885418802117604,0.0,0.09703951776319343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226384578986025,0.09596955811176272,0.0,0.12269233138160784,0.0,0.0,0.08875053334739369,0.2504228555519878,0.0,0.0,0.10451548427015844,0.23481383448684384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900342512784625,0.0,0.2036755934436653,0.07175862559983008,0.0,0.048525809631552085,0.0,0.052785673760140484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225530489725337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255574466890064,0.0,0.0,0.10208850789600954,0.15141870350816675,0.0,0.09834619122560864,0.0,0.0,0.19681103605798467,0.04537632974468568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06199792078078995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853068373773806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20483179849174604,0.0,0.0,0.08970379275238646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866418293267675,0.06439108913582971,0.0,0.09703951776319343,0.0,0.0,0.1047079059945361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887332894743744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900222791294095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931875606842806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802619099122544,0.1691083806014166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467915724051518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148145901141398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539878255952052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118095138721464,0.0,0.10621603116735136,0.0,0.061705145423803,0.0595135612578765,0.18250766678310051,0.0,0.05415889982112532,0.0,0.0,0.08875053334739369,0.0,0.0630592193211843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022938672881946,0.2299064382356161,0.054782853320480926,0.07372358243762735,0.07450249269225513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352379299095877,0.0,0.10680707091643568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864768709193835,0.0946523489417867,0.0,0.10154937113610288,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mipha4Pres,2020/01/20,Calm before the storm? I feel good. It's strange. I'm not freaking out or overreacting to anything. I've been doing good for a few days. I love it and I want it to continue. I almost feel normal. Then the thought occured to me that this may just all be some mental symptom and I might come crashing down any second. I just have this feeling I will crash and get lower than before. I'm trying to distract myself. I don't get medicated until the 18th of next month. Anybody else ever feel like this?,0.8322538461538471,3.3430670099999986,2.514,90.73930769230772,88.9,4.276923076923079,20.69230769230769,5.8734145424116955,0.15985384615384654,391,13,77,3,13,128,72,100,0.086,0.716,0.198,0.8889,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,4,0,8,3,0,0,2,22,20,6,0,2,4,0,4,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,2,4,10,5,10,14,3,10,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,5,8,52,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19761658026737275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134204130693574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240146418279078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358590355012057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16999874388433794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727381979615285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485981943009467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851352655023348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3991424651001801,0.1409862105287944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062134809864125,0.0,0.0,0.3310540629121946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641478403025708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811523499761514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19880841948816086,0.1988814391993602,0.2093561697558883,0.0,0.0,0.15752213981350002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098829681053455,0.0,0.19336018123764534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20512124077564808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667311246158755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398705990937154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640159089936128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,vanessaax,2020/01/20,"My life has gone to shit Hi all! I’m new here and it’s been comforting to read other people’s experiences and crazy to see how many people actually have the same thoughts and feelings as me. My FP (boyfriend) and best friend are leaving to go to Japan this week (just a coincidence that their trips are at the same time) and for ages I was and still am very upset by this. It makes me like so intensely emotional because I don’t know how i’ll cope without them being here for about three weeks. It’s just me and my mind for three weeks. Don’t get me wrong; I have other friends but it just isn’t the same. Usually when my FP isn’t available, I would hang with my best friend but this situation is just awful. I don’t get along well with my family and it’s nauseating having to be at “home” for too long. And to make matters worse, I just found out that I’m pregnant, 4 days ago (unplanned, my partner and I are very distressed). He leaves on Wednesday and I feel like am about to go insane. I’m literally going to be alone for 3 weeks having to deal with this mess and in my really bad moments I feel like Im dying. Please help. I need advice.",2.281708860759494,3.906879734177217,3.5698966244725767,90.57433860759495,76.55274261603375,6.765316455696203,22.39852320675105,7.554174236665415,0.6947166244725742,895,25,200,12,20,292,133,237,0.122,0.726,0.153,0.7122,0,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,2,2,16,16,1,2,4,1,22,2,1,4,1,43,41,19,1,2,8,0,3,3,4,1,1,0,1,1,13,17,0,0,6,1,0,6,6,6,1,2,5,4,24,10,29,32,6,26,0,0,1,0,10,5,1,0,18,128,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.11361050927020618,0.0,0.0,0.11376566155143147,0.10320056194897084,0.0,0.0,0.12057747743573892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720702049975936,0.07096941538702993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443541896013856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508218283958687,0.12002536916446055,0.0,0.0,0.12082705056134482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309584245413318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388248561459335,0.10975175096718057,0.0,0.17659849994107552,0.16634296752839975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765007491773553,0.26984069457528626,0.0,0.12165077082001355,0.0,0.1984949231119959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803482194206933,0.0,0.11678017395015268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575510867377904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398216625189249,0.0,0.0,0.24654694193971116,0.0,0.0,0.08223189001251201,0.1706328714246194,0.0,0.0,0.1030292907210672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542440011793787,0.11803304405404932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755244343351258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632500573986329,0.0,0.11244053027310123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16142390383159366,0.0,0.0,0.12779575547378208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645292256509986,0.0,0.07458254104788425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277279643740566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950491181327465,0.0,0.1308625508845914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297429422443036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092425600918781,0.06788626464997592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282217432357658,0.1921197237800178,0.0,0.0,0.3735449540292555,0.0,0.10467683578142012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222609174627073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864337036435922,0.08270243453935168,0.12728854365123374,0.0,0.0 bpd,ThatPhotoGuy2019,2020/01/20,"BPD Collaborative Documentary Project (MOD APPROVED) * Hi all. I'm a Brisbane-based documentary photographer who was raised by a single mother with BPD. I'm currently starting to prepare for a major project (for my PhD) in which I aim to work collaboratively with people affected by BPD (ie. lived experience, friends and family, treating clinicians) to collaboratively produce an output that challenges stigma around BPD and can help increase awareness of the disorder among the general public. I'm looking for anybody who wants to tell their story to help people get more insight into the BPD experience (first-hand or otherwise). Of course if you're based in or close to Brisbane, that's ideal, however, I am open to connecting with people from anywhere in the world, as there are ways we can collaborate (things like journal articles, video diaries, etc) online. I am still in early stages of planning, and the actual design of how we collate everybody's stories will depend largely on how this recruitment stage goes and how people who join shape the documentary (it is after all, a collaborative documentary - you will help set the agenda). I have already worked on a similar, but smaller scale, project with a young lady with BPD. We produced a book that combined her journal articles with my photographs and told mostly her story and a little of mine. One person that I know of has sought help for the first time as a result of his mother reading the book. That is the kind of thing I want to achieve on a larger scale with this upcoming project. If you are interested in finding out more and possibly getting involved, please contact me here or by email: [adam.young4@griffithuni.edu.au](mailto:adam.young4@griffithuni.edu.au). Thanks! \*(The ""research"" flair was not available, thus the ""input"" flair) This project has been given full ethical clearance by the Griffith University Ethics Committee, GU ref. no. 2019/475",9.788823529411765,10.820402,8.794798761609908,62.287120743034066,58.411764705882355,11.1343653250774,40.21981424148607,10.882677951670544,4.797895356037152,1558,75,225,35,19,486,194,323,0.018000000000000002,0.87,0.11199999999999999,0.9778,2,0,0,0,0,0,69.0,3,2,1,10,7,8,0,0,24,0,16,0,0,9,2,48,29,18,0,5,7,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,15,22,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,5,1,19,8,47,22,10,31,0,0,1,0,27,18,0,7,9,152,34,17,0.0,0.0,0.0946226015588936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700187394074033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631826649953954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7327344504800982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112882134164227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814017674315222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969824411608407,0.09140876375669817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862308158306964,0.1649545779507889,0.0,0.0,0.07491392797839913,0.0,0.1013190812238803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599709450041174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097279109178288,0.05328872357863276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047371574775890386,0.09718311869342232,0.08562073942937933,0.0,0.08142510216239915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570512474044399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688897326920737,0.0846649784706095,0.0,0.10643704467826592,0.0,0.1093120229502032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698995773391746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863141865205423,0.0,0.07743535042778575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475056335881273,0.08927116402480054,0.0,0.0,0.1288367713716738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05654032371264819,0.0,0.0,0.0926529878137313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438342620964108,0.07696528603879872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118148303586867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Clearlynotchocolate,2020/01/20,"What does it mean to be there for someone? I am the FP of someone with BPD and she is my FP / best friend w.e you wanna call it. recently she told me she thought it was best for us to get some distance. I understand why she wants the space, but I guess what i'm asking is how can I be there for that person without feeling like i'm just twiddling my thumbs waiting for her to need me. It's not really the best feeling in the world.",3.387210144927536,3.679917793478261,4.3704347826086964,91.0390579710145,72.15217391304348,7.437681159420292,27.28985507246377,7.1686216300943375,1.0980811594202908,335,11,78,3,6,109,61,92,0.06,0.805,0.135,0.8528,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,1,0,3,4,5,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,1,0,18,21,3,0,3,4,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,15,5,12,16,4,4,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,2,2,56,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680238712333433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5658486029706946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22636442867984155,0.0,0.18352506180377195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15728347991260694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817544072059046,0.12839959342555218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885943396723402,0.0,0.09390183273319314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19799354492640767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780730415595554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957793389592908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326798005529772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569338480111041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514003975620934,0.0,0.17746230796013107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045703482895413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426860390483018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717403130549702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871059177286404,0.2161938105660936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060097784705899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217893250627854,0.0,0.0,0.17325390746680885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,vegiedumpling,2020/01/20,"Thinking about doing DBT Has anyone here completed the DBT course and found it has helped a lot? I am aware that it is a very intense course over a long period time, is it worth doing? What benefits have you reaped from doing the course? Would you recommend it to someone who suffers from BPD? Thanks in advance :))",4.267966101694917,6.407105288135598,4.212,85.88172881355933,72.38983050847456,7.431864406779661,25.359322033898305,8.238735603445708,1.6189769491525428,248,8,46,4,5,76,44,59,0.047,0.763,0.19,0.8102,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,5,0,10,0,0,0,0,5,13,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,6,11,1,6,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22297846627833445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016364903214616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343548418373684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496513864067493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21374827784184425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822116192594573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271112721052179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27019829585506355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29359523343557803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20433473497721852,0.0,0.0,0.18594996178526849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26312138014433617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265335207561249,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bumblebb94,2020/01/20,"Back To That Dark Place Hey everyone. I'm having a rough time and I'm not sure where else to turn, so I'm hoping someone can offer me some support or words of advice. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder about five years ago. I had been struggling with my mental health for about five years before I was diagnosed and no one could really figure out what was wrong with me. After my diagnosis, I was prescribed several medications and started intensive therapy, but I still struggled for a couple years. I was finally able to get things under control a couple years ago and I've been doing great. I was able to move out of my parent's house and have been on my own and supporting myself for a few years now. I'm in graduate school working on my masters degree in social work. I had gastric bypass a year and a half ago and am down 220 pounds. I'm in a relationship with a guy I really love. Overall, things have been really great. But things have started spiraling in the last month. My boyfriend is an alcoholic and he relapsed over Christmas. He got blackout drunk one night and things got bad. He screamed at me and pushed me out of the way when I tried to block the door and stop him from driving. It was a very scary traumatic experience. He hasn't had a drink in a couple weeks and has gotten back into treatment, but I have been struggling really badly since then. I feel like I did when I was at my worst a few years ago. I'm in so much pain sometimes that I can hardly stand it. I've had times where I'm screaming and crying and just begging for the pain to go away. The littlest things have been triggering me. My boyfriend is a truck driver and I haven't seen him in a week. He was supposed to be home Saturday but ended up not being able to come home until tomorrow. This happens sometimes and I'm usually disappointed but can handle it fine. This time, it threw me into crisis mode and I'm just barely starting to calm down after hours and hours. Everything just feels raw and painful and too fucking much. I'm losing my mind. The worst part is I've almost relapsed several times. I cut myself for probably close to 7 years but have been clean for about 3 years. I bought razors today at the grocery store and came so so so close to using them. I'm so scared. I haven't felt like this in so long and I thought I'd never have to again. I thought I was cured and I was done with this, but I'm obviously just as messed up as I was a few years ago. I don't know what to do. I've gotten really clingy with my boyfriend. I know that I'm splitting on him and it's driving him insane. I'm scared he's going to leave me. I'm scared I'm going to lose everything because of this... my job, my boyfriend, my future career. The mental health community is not kind to us and if I go down this path or share my struggles, I would lose so much respect. No one wants to hire or work with a therapist with borderline personality disorder. From a professional standpoint and from everything I know about this illness and mental health in general, I think the trauma of what happened with my boyfriend triggered something in me and awakened the disorder I thought was gone forever. I have an appointment with my therapist in two weeks but I'm going to try to get in sooner. I'm also going to try to get back into my doctor. I haven't been on medication for years, but I'll do whatever it takes to get better. I don't want to feel like this anymore. If you've read this far, thank you so much. If anyone has any advice, comments, or support, I would very much appreciate it. Thank you in advance.",3.1219310109289617,4.975072556944447,4.304112021857925,85.22717213114754,74.81944444444444,7.443533697632059,25.4143897996357,8.249195462096736,1.5919943078324224,2851,98,570,49,61,933,292,720,0.193,0.72,0.086,-0.998,2,0,3,0,0,1,67.0,1,2,1,10,30,44,2,7,29,0,60,17,0,4,3,104,127,61,0,9,23,1,6,3,0,2,13,2,4,3,27,49,3,3,12,3,2,15,12,25,0,7,40,9,70,19,91,82,13,110,0,4,1,2,25,40,1,10,56,374,97,11,0.1486519326021052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684063207064146,0.2196182818456518,0.05295456933739108,0.04961781259127745,0.0,0.0,0.0396256322651465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0336961372204682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04914092439181352,0.034646962534993705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04655446133402295,0.11430416043482132,0.08274543635158996,0.030205612792296062,0.0,0.04216394863740442,0.0,0.0,0.04382351810513092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056672736523368863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04268349246502115,0.0,0.0,0.0555752608478837,0.03956215742164553,0.1644805360192835,0.05442905593546906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058572166169183,0.0,0.0,0.17036799336148506,0.05071718397999092,0.0,0.050707512633529885,0.0,0.048540767189422185,0.0,0.0,0.04139320502989609,0.0,0.043887163351429705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047347763979977586,0.13359877189082536,0.048470038051451864,0.0,0.0,0.07516288361444377,0.07079798023533634,0.047576389011339815,0.054280308705514764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04580877211510548,0.10355266586978876,0.0,0.16896463796581498,0.0,0.0792603534095875,0.1092595203208291,0.0,0.0490629280998784,0.0876349420463301,0.0,0.044387644465429005,0.0,0.0,0.15801005307828614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099406672491766,0.04921497011982626,0.0975948066410154,0.05717479061077153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049171368579368366,0.0,0.0,0.051599370876465066,0.08169521457422803,0.04039038845995524,0.0,0.05246697766032756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262382557024175,0.0,0.0,0.04385076084978156,0.0,0.16630348888999574,0.0,0.0,0.04472139097744597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998341220800924,0.14980618475523708,0.0,0.05003202534186135,0.0,0.03955085146027944,0.05266449302952212,0.18212712428855,0.0,0.038216511507900584,0.0,0.0,0.04649992292966517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073039667344033,0.0,0.15817613702916722,0.0,0.05502012646148767,0.05365851899433249,0.0,0.0,0.08653142251721771,0.051769876872716884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342397516566087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04956405330873688,0.0,0.1587170574586439,0.0,0.0,0.053198848060628745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488265170740205,0.05014789731374998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119562478333317,0.0,0.04098880492504909,0.0,0.0,0.050510641702850634,0.041984100033336455,0.03814650673114692,0.098013708242371,0.0,0.10521660300306823,0.0,0.03957120846585687,0.041426557282761386,0.0,0.20720436766745298,0.0,0.0,0.1686884515117691,0.046700895751374566,0.0,0.03725591778517013,0.0,0.0,0.09123915168200776,0.05666548002496465,0.11506423406516565,0.1645962312384355,0.031750052036488695,0.0,0.11801302990407025,0.11557351643661745,0.0,0.046968216897513584,0.0,0.0,0.10092490446770114,0.053896872064693,0.048403779393882684,0.0,0.059603323963541274,0.04279584721642001,0.054573034124789546,0.08176894165768543,0.0584525075249936,0.039330994973876515,0.11923961378705875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082203773703051,0.0,0.0,0.0703987119254869,0.05417585084302536,0.0,0.3509988931192378 bpd,sadness_is_key,2020/01/20,"Medication Hi everyone, I’m not diagnosed with BPD, but someone in my life recently just got diagnosed. Do/did any of you take medication? If so did it help? I know everyone is different, but I’m wondering if medication helps the majority. Thank you!",2.7792028985507216,5.776732282608697,6.126086956521743,64.79681159420292,84.86956521739131,12.631884057971014,33.7536231884058,10.864195022040775,6.000562318840579,199,12,34,11,6,73,35,46,0.0,0.7759999999999999,0.22399999999999998,0.9052,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,0,9,9,5,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,3,7,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,3,1,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952125089878685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398812581203565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38663151229885995,0.0,0.1989931121053673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36399077899184856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233051867520644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553264309660823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467338649597883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452952455044295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5756137694474923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880590601212662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16137853186549847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320433951659187,0.0,0.0,0.17535257794503956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065488069598322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,im2tiredhelp,2020/01/20,"Scared to talk to psychiatrist After a lot of research i’m pretty sure i have bpd, i’ve been seeing a psychiatrist for almost a year and nothing has really been working because i’ve only been treated for depression. Im really scared to talk to him about bpd, Im insanely sensitive and I don’t think I can handle another person telling me i’m just moody when my life feels like emotional torture. Does anyone have any advice on opening that discussion?",3.8761206896551705,6.282035965517245,5.6052729885057495,74.24515086206897,74.40229885057471,8.947701149425287,29.26580459770115,9.516144504307137,3.2599666666666667,367,16,61,10,8,125,61,87,0.17800000000000002,0.716,0.106,-0.8221,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,1,2,3,0,8,1,0,0,1,9,13,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,2,6,3,10,10,1,5,0,1,1,0,6,2,0,2,4,33,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385597771397425,0.0,0.0,0.167908346328055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114028861468324,0.17582819735782915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724648630648335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221680942604806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223768155609993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442343941731872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673881354344473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18861860776329867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478457522845287,0.1197913729350034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622486082929982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843808187391153,0.08192048929393336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255642917858888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608944862459287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752899165953896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641262181350606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059190644593375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21484154387427146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33575595895381866,0.0,0.1336200841115694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803740165342722,0.0,0.0,0.2695513466381421,0.14656062525124153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744324376390772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122073798731173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798109613670462 bpd,Halifax_679,2020/01/20,"Crushed by horrible émotions I very often have 4 feelings that overwhelm me at the same time: extreme sadness, loneliness, boredom and emptiness. When I feel that it is a real hell and these feelings are uncontrollable! When I'm in this state it's like if my whole body was burning and I feel I'm on the verge of total explosion!",6.182142857142857,6.9600141587301625,6.285833333333333,78.04875,66.14285714285714,8.839682539682537,37.97222222222222,8.841846274778883,3.429669841269842,264,14,47,4,4,84,50,63,0.359,0.607,0.034,-0.9722,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,2,3,0,4,1,1,0,1,12,10,6,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,5,1,5,9,3,8,1,2,0,0,0,4,1,2,4,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36769456539467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6695054997365121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172227665117964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3767793454790921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930235571999153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731306007444125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695780076787334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SadieSadieSnakeyLady,2020/01/20,"Insignificant trauma? My SO and her daughter have been seeing a trauma counsellor together which is really good for them. This counsellor thinks I should start seeing her for my own trauma. The root of the BPD I guess. But I've never felt my trauma was ever enough to be called that. So many people have significant and horrific trauma and mine's just... not. Up until recently I've never even considered it any kind of trauma, and even then I'm iffy about it. I'm basically invalidating myself I guess.",4.637872340425531,6.889426989361702,6.064840425531916,72.50875,71.65957446808511,9.380851063829788,23.45212765957447,9.827888789773867,2.506195744680851,403,11,68,11,8,136,64,94,0.228,0.7240000000000001,0.048,-0.9559,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,7,8,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,1,3,16,16,9,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,3,11,2,8,11,2,8,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,2,7,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176302170717456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625537644678426,0.0,0.2128655819811889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153995745613936,0.0,0.275377697902567,0.18856809256599705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20015863017279795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174850148293971,0.0,0.0,0.4592943411112065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21708371751268732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21135030281512726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215613774967717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452304958255824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335477091311297,0.0,0.2058335635056132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332238463850398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755225975297392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357564656754234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ChappyMault,2020/01/20,"I can't stop hurting myself My emotions are so overwhelming that the only relief is punching and scratching my face in private. I can't stop. I do it everyday, multiple times and it's only getting worse. I'm completely alone socially and have no one to talk to about this. I have no therapist/psych. It's starting to leave a mark and I'm terrified someone will notice/hear me.",1.9030030030030043,4.596891702702706,3.7220720720720735,83.0218768768769,84.67567567567569,7.072672672672672,28.492492492492488,8.167268648758528,2.5729987987987992,302,15,54,7,9,101,53,74,0.2,0.679,0.122,-0.7058,0,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,8,1,1,0,0,6,12,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,1,8,1,5,11,0,6,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24113912708975904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441152588801109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618996586304999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216427864854288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624135728580283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24924671021472544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465307602643956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776997507783358,0.3541516903044817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373383689272813,0.197274029528505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16479653989037973,0.0,0.0,0.3893085181378042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713796720552772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27033073342792346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576361810856324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372711668304379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,miisla,2020/01/20,"Broken inside I feel like I’m broken inside. I had all these things in my life that should have made me feel happy. I had a great job, a family and some friends. I just never felt good about all of that. I felt like a fraud at work. I think I just managed to trick them into hiring me by trying to act confident. I have always been the black sheep of the family. I have always felt misunderstood by them all. I feel like the only reason they care about me is because I’m related to them. They wouldn’t want me around otherwise. I’ve never had a lot of friends. I’ve always felt so lonely. I don’t have any close friends. I have never been good at making friends because I never have anything interesting to say. I’m just the “nice” person that is practically invisible. I do have some people who do want me around. They’re only around because I pretend my life is much more interesting than it is. It got so tiring lying that I just stopped meeting the only friends I had I wish I could appreciate the small things I at least have but u don’t know how. If you’ve actually read this far, I’d like to just say sorry for my very long rant",2.149035356631924,4.0425187982832655,3.778344573881057,87.73556509299002,77.75536480686695,6.49818107500511,20.966482730431228,7.447530270364453,0.6185358266911916,892,23,188,12,21,297,113,233,0.12300000000000001,0.72,0.157,0.7723,1,2,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,5,1,13,19,1,0,10,0,25,3,0,4,7,43,44,6,0,7,7,0,7,4,5,2,3,2,0,1,11,6,0,1,10,2,0,1,7,2,0,0,12,10,33,17,22,29,9,18,0,1,1,0,15,11,0,4,10,125,44,5,0.0,0.0,0.09535797452419367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439258279101353,0.0,0.0,0.06645110484410445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041299971524228,0.26096730344216595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870265034314206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962928483646068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801930095084661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842383198516061,0.0,0.14822638650743314,0.1396184962266663,0.3752956718583202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774806609616005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392124541885167,0.07815343966491729,0.10773365196954604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402186720294697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969693275943488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0537028644501526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804121684270634,0.19095891874580206,0.0,0.0,0.0864767224699145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307574152337797,0.0,0.09246245801647264,0.06522704669703973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183344815976217,0.0,0.30146237788286645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22295519624525198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774486184442162,0.08532296435610902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774372894341783,0.0,0.0,0.10046964403636242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541741464401254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938650061463813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169602596629104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983804460917092,0.06261329074244454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231164461099848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634362235928762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062699412005205,0.11527237322575765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237005555191164,0.0,0.0,0.07113934747525906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,it-takes-a-village,2020/01/20,"DAE feel like they “shed” friends? I was recently diagnosed with BPD and since I’ve been home for break, my family has been asking me questions about it. A common one that comes up is why I don’t appear to be overly attached to people (*note* this isn’t true, the relationships where I’ve had a strong attachment to people aren’t ones that my family has been aware of, and they haven’t been romantic relationships.) Instead, I’ve had relationships where I’ve just drifted apart from people - we grow apart, don’t talk much anymore, and I don’t feel much loss or sadness about it. With some people in my life, I feel like I’ve shed them much like a snake sheds its skin, leaving them behind without a second thought. (Similar to the way I feel like I move on from “versions” of myself.) DAE share this feeling?",6.402222222222222,6.359575407643312,6.320339702760088,80.81933474876152,65.62420382165604,9.52554847841472,30.18329794762916,9.150863307647796,2.3020932767162057,637,20,126,10,9,201,92,157,0.033,0.7859999999999999,0.18100000000000002,0.9642,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,4,2,6,10,0,0,6,0,17,3,1,0,1,20,26,4,0,0,3,0,6,4,1,0,2,0,1,0,7,7,0,0,7,0,0,5,7,2,0,3,8,6,16,8,19,17,5,17,0,2,0,0,13,8,0,4,6,80,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883367328226833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144629722274318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361438100619746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190410418288343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185372641852888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449311063367307,0.0,0.328426544351209,0.27841856764715217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036647748906308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030815887557015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375536488508709,0.0,0.0,0.09175775155946166,0.2538656413657445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807147855916346,0.2864916366571939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605783333319147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36024696650615945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455265153110526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826832306719982,0.4184172211773371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746111041460456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441500362895118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031323167392731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311479930514073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722162271259558,0.0,0.0,0.12522652517626462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,-t-o-s-k-a-,2020/01/20,"I feel like a psycho So I’ve just cut myself again. The last time was one year ago. The reason is my crush who admitted feelings for me three weeks ago didn’t text me afterwards and then came up with the apology someone died and he just doesn’t want contact with anyone right now, because he wants to stay alone. So it’s been 2 weeks and he didn’t see the one message I sent him, neither answered my one phone call. And i‘m going crazy... my thoughts are killing me. I feel like he’s lying to me and i know it’s horrible to think that but I just can’t believe him. I always have in mind how he’s with another girl right now. So I just layed in bed and all of sudden I felt this pressure again that I’m not good enough and always the second choice and that I’m just too crazy and psycho for a man, only good for sex and then I have to think about every tragedy in my life with men. How my ex cheated on me, how I got raped and all this stuff is in my head while I objectively know that I’m overreacting. Unfortunately, when I get this kind of pressure it only goes away when I cut myself. I just don’t know what to do, so I had to write it down. Thanks for everyone who read so far.",2.1026190476190467,3.363787357142858,3.3716190476190446,93.33171428571433,76.22222222222223,6.468571428571429,21.726984126984128,6.961326702584282,0.29072793650793605,922,23,217,9,20,300,134,252,0.20199999999999999,0.757,0.040999999999999995,-0.9923,0,1,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,0,22,13,5,2,7,0,14,4,1,4,2,46,38,25,2,2,8,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,3,15,16,0,0,13,1,0,3,7,7,0,5,10,5,30,6,25,28,4,33,0,0,1,2,21,11,0,0,20,137,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311853220083721,0.0,0.0,0.135056158714146,0.0,0.0,0.21700823610682352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673686858795214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117944465905024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251607703128806,0.0,0.0,0.07949126845408641,0.0,0.0,0.14691732630187485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331540496053908,0.14914405954895305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533570003794407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347391408661944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986850699717343,0.12460378947163958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978040637766129,0.186317069333869,0.1252054555880765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812916541699117,0.0,0.07410992060838525,0.21874842426619065,0.1042936303588952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338290958368689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426943896606767,0.13579262472202488,0.2149950169125674,0.10629425842517656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210611654081798,0.12741473037397927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166788520727898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650893745647594,0.19835174603100103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304363362640445,0.0,0.0,0.1340739954932763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22272356479518526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391275208658238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048838470856524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899016663767585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492780016550108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005576496245413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711145224687807,0.0,0.10352386608510497,0.07603789968125635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538278332386242,0.0,0.2091997098924644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397399947392546 bpd,j2941,2020/01/20,"How do i just stop caring about people How do I just stop feeling everything? Everything feels like an awful wave of all my emotions. How do i stop caring about people and just focus on myself ?",2.7987837837837866,5.473464486486488,3.9634459459459457,83.12192567567571,79.81081081081079,5.8621621621621625,20.06081081081081,7.1686216300943375,0.8218702702702703,154,4,26,2,4,50,23,37,0.207,0.561,0.23199999999999998,0.2869,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,1,13,7,4,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,3,4,7,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4723147853733608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605472450150436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41633970227935296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23423338510976374,0.1654731341986815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316040367875012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32115958610681794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5809472741894678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Salt_Maintenance,2020/01/20,"I feel like AmberLynn Ya know, ALR? From YouTube, the one with the eating disorder? I've been watching a lot of commentary videos on her diets, and honestly, I have seen myself make the same exact excuses or I react the same exact way. It kinda scares me, I hope that I don't let my mental health take over. Does anyone else feel the same?",1.984818763326228,4.364114731343285,3.4652452025586378,87.26626865671642,80.7910447761194,6.8136460554371014,20.01918976545842,7.957251820313856,0.9865368869936044,265,7,52,5,7,87,54,67,0.071,0.8,0.129,0.5953,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,6,0,4,3,0,2,2,16,11,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,4,10,3,5,8,4,3,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,4,1,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17795034017164105,0.2607624280258701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29167580796744386,0.0,0.22271219043768534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604141424718429,0.21259973102764315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573628341197801,0.18181283068636409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27051859324773153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25277311583994594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398649901771899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602406013079919,0.0,0.12433446319897612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163643949181748,0.0,0.0,0.16987883866114042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564732912260855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245387033623938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547960667849186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913502009471007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20200800944156125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cynclsk_ns,2020/01/20,"tfw me: i’m sorry if i did anything wrong do you hate me fp: *extreme reassurance* me: god i fucking knew it they hate me and want me to die",-3.774838709677418,-5.239790903225801,0.08351612903225814,99.9852741935484,151.58064516129033,2.5303225806451617,16.003225806451617,4.935628992294339,-0.8015187096774192,106,4,26,1,10,38,24,31,0.392,0.524,0.085,-0.9231,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,8,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,9,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,15,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697812233942358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.340242171850466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030792440540157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6473406649386486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669857369223065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933662590783016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35843737261127906,0.0,0.0 bpd,thatoneingrid,2020/01/20,"i don’t know if this belongs here but i need some help i’m writing and playing a character in a show that struggles with BPD. i’m looking to get input and insight from some real people on what not to write, common stereotypes to avoid, things you’d like to be shown, as in this show we are trying to show people that struggle with more taboo mental illness as real, good people and more than their disorder. PM me if you have anything to say",8.270393258426967,6.058505898876407,7.9369382022471955,77.7883286516854,63.04494382022472,9.798876404494383,35.73314606741573,7.1686216300943375,2.5303685393258406,351,12,68,2,4,112,63,89,0.166,0.708,0.126,-0.6176,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,2,1,0,1,6,0,3,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,21,11,8,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,6,0,2,2,4,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,7,3,15,9,4,4,0,0,1,0,8,3,0,4,2,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17074491920416862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613238332466852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377991881628289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840389994946384,0.0,0.0,0.174031064031947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390748118299735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402996137495976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136814093501306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423763661424055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090990708623301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538496997969123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4315380971889349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4723334667901855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500276074940814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4338229509215881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784578684370338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087071094925527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AtrocitiesExhibition,2020/01/21,"i keep fucking everything up i had a job that i got in october that i really really liked, it was in a call center and i felt like i really belonged and the people i worked with were really nice. my boss was very fond of me, took me out on a weekend for some easy work and paid me $30/hour, it was really good because i just dropped out of college and it gave me lots of hope. but fast forward two months, i get fired because i can never drag myself out of my stupid bed in the morning, i was warned for being late , and then i no call no showed. i’ve been very stressed about not being able to make money it’s killing me. i sent out so many resumes and went to two interviews, and one of them was really promising. i got setup for training and everything, and took a piss test, just needed the background check to finish, but my dumbass LIED about how long i worked at the last call center because i thought only working for two months wasn’t the best look, and i had no idea they would try to prove that at ALL. i’m always so self destructive and stupid. so now that’s not looking so good anymore. i have rent i need to pay and i don’t know what the fuck i’m gonna do. i’ve never ever been more suicidal and i don’t know how to find a job, i don’t have any experience in anything other than retail/restaurants but i am leaving that shit behind with my high school self. everything’s crumbling",3.2055817378497764,4.169038316151205,4.412223858615612,88.11020618556705,73.05498281786943,7.604712812960236,25.19734904270987,7.957251820313856,1.2357287187039767,1094,33,238,15,21,360,155,291,0.223,0.684,0.094,-0.9941,4,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,2,5,12,18,8,1,11,0,22,4,2,4,5,48,47,23,2,4,7,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,2,2,11,19,0,1,7,2,5,5,11,9,0,4,21,4,35,9,33,22,5,34,0,0,2,2,10,16,4,3,16,155,46,12,0.09191102867376252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764773386955647,0.0,0.0,0.06250265126162838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115104321423137,0.0,0.0,0.07563494527132936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808432997660042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964549541332661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815543096349041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313878744111511,0.0,0.0,0.24781111834391065,0.08990662238660181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824900110084555,0.0,0.08400501509914057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16994052994861714,0.04801971899422811,0.0,0.0,0.15418122032466505,0.14701929172533298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971090480594697,0.0,0.09128838994584973,0.09051384917681496,0.0,0.0,0.10375636392381717,0.0,0.0,0.18241502770865964,0.08169474534191422,0.10168593547570086,0.0,0.10102379535608833,0.07491975557070113,0.103679643706624,0.09732050846062927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980617200923342,0.0,0.0,0.0813383681048792,0.15436423140375485,0.0,0.0,0.07813946980894403,0.0,0.0,0.06135132534057066,0.09318335706881244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467250124100701,0.0,0.0,0.13630172632235862,0.14177490289678546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062281291705459686,0.06990247897596967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371953460461903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35328335090884744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930188679134811,0.0,0.0,0.1917664959145244,0.0,0.09434535013664487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528377281084417,0.0,0.0,0.1005357476054955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296709020543862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20423306940375088,0.062401555271110236,0.0,0.26935115945838434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167244871493124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520244439777082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676492941182696,0.0,0.0,0.06529095771360062,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LegendarySting,2020/01/21,"Why do we play the ""I'll wait for them to message me first"" game? Why am I emotionally dying from waiting for my FP when I know as soon as she starts texting me first, I'm going to lose interest and split? 🔪😢🔫",-0.4955319148936184,1.3183334893617058,2.3866382978723406,94.69400000000002,86.44680851063829,5.4621276595744686,20.038297872340426,6.742157984588678,0.1168927659574468,162,5,40,2,5,57,38,47,0.057999999999999996,0.818,0.124,0.4696,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,1,3,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,8,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,8,2,7,8,0,6,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147720701166844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34116577538376525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5159647248595447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236939787169356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668286470696336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393092494268545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146735876108373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5473526811919096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,achmthrow,2020/01/21,"Trouble choosing college major/career paths and starting I have a hard time creating a stable image of what I would like out of my life or who I want to be. Now it’s time for me to start college, after taking a gap year to help improve my mental health and think about what I want to do. It seems though, the longer I wait, the more unsure I am becoming about what I need to do, what I want to do, etc. And I’m extremely scared that I’m going to fail. But I’m also scared that if I don’t try I will lose everyone in my life because most people are already upset that I haven’t started school yet. It seems as if I have a lot of obstacles. I’m trying to be honest with myself & work around or get assistance with them. The main one is my mental health. My family doesn’t think there’s anything legitimately wrong with me so they refuse to get me psychiatric help. We couldn’t afford it even if they wanted to send me to therapy. I know the sooner I can improve my mental health and create a life for myself I can get away from my toxic parents, pay for my own treatment, etc. I just don’t know what to do. Every few weeks I have a new idea of what I should pursue. I always thought I would love to go into some sort of social work or counseling. I want to help kids of all backgrounds and be a positive example for them. But I can’t afford to go to school for a long time and I really don’t want to begin a career like that while I’m still battling my own issues. It’s like everything I think of, I have doubts. I don’t want to let people down. I don’t know who I want to be. I need help but I feel like nobody is listening to me or willing to meet me halfway. If you need background info- i’m 18, female, shown symptoms of BPD for 9 years, multiple doctors have told me they suspect I have it and ‘diagnosed’ me with ‘borderline traits’. I haven’t been able to receive psychological help since I was 16 because of my parents. I have improved quite a bit since then (I don’t self harm much anymore or attempt) but I struggle a lot. I feel so lost, any insight would be nice. I hope everyone reading this is well.",2.4924489795918383,3.85044169160998,4.120825396825399,87.96028571428577,75.39455782312925,6.944761904761903,23.937868480725626,7.554174236665415,0.9987721541950116,1650,50,354,21,35,553,206,441,0.09300000000000001,0.7709999999999999,0.136,0.9069,4,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,1,1,5,7,14,21,1,5,15,0,43,10,0,0,1,71,88,27,0,21,14,2,3,4,0,6,9,1,0,2,19,15,0,2,16,1,1,5,11,12,1,1,5,4,65,9,52,70,14,29,0,3,0,1,26,6,0,18,22,241,84,11,0.07575622522041725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359887832860605,0.06058222593879736,0.06303524808805906,0.0820818383757055,0.0,0.05151683094153845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512981911369376,0.0,0.0,0.062340918507687526,0.0674391016986078,0.0,0.0,0.07117546733702207,0.0,0.0,0.09236058350101088,0.08366679889161377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270617725038487,0.0,0.09541231369273086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689097394271023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753970657921573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897643274904664,0.05003627228410939,0.0,0.06382788708740364,0.14477663931963755,0.06808481043851013,0.0,0.07141622700642243,0.0,0.07660924738264954,0.05412026243427561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873850286433665,0.0,0.12916202578697525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678626977584123,0.0,0.0,0.24157597466551614,0.0,0.0,0.2538890044627659,0.0,0.0,0.07524302500512926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551955719442497,0.0,0.07906981704489878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490092055408406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746587292916797,0.16052658675277576,0.14804266019181553,0.0,0.0,0.06704187541068662,0.0,0.08475183832970401,0.08269686879723194,0.1288104672282966,0.06837295098193201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290333709035504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05568954215999848,0.16851684329188527,0.0,0.07316583438479785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051334378795873416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682366459249089,0.0,0.0,0.10503965593904134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057607053999544,0.07577672593084599,0.0,0.048531377725210885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169039445196025,0.15333868870980286,0.0,0.13793124447166075,0.07903026472370472,0.0,0.0,0.12533266469111987,0.0,0.0,0.07722393140581534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086193837848806,0.0,0.060499019319330674,0.0,0.0,0.07919685504031959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787397245445862,0.056959253387198684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663384576004128,0.0,0.0,0.14562459065681382,0.0744301066436957,0.06014198077253904,0.13252219242435187,0.0,0.0,0.07238831965981878,0.0,0.10286700831087592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574638752889383,0.0,0.06076707432675563,0.0,0.06811394443005618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030286842550306,0.0,0.0,0.16144514653289607,0.08282753986705661,0.0,0.09756905055308157 bpd,bangitybop,2020/01/21,"Feelings of intense longing I’ve never been diagnosed with BPD but I notice a lot of the traits within myself. I struggle with these feelings of intense longing for certain individuals, I guess they would be considered FP. For example, I was dating someone a few months ago and I got way too attached very quickly and overshared. I found myself idealizing her even though and romanticizing her, even though logically I understand that there are many barriers to a relationship. We live in different countries, she has two kids, I have none, and other factors. She ended up breaking up with me. For the first couple of days it hurt really bad because I had gotten used to talking with her every day and suddenly there was this void again. But eventually I made piece with it and moved on. She texted me two weeks ago to ask me about my job search and we texted a bit but then silence again. Now I feel this intense longing for her, like I need her and I need to do whatever it takes to win her back even though again realistically the relationship doesn’t really make sense, but my mind tells me that being realistic is being a coward and that I should go for it or at least contact her. I don’t know, the feelings of longing are just so intense. They come and go but when they hit it just feels almost irresistible. I also struggle with a very weak sense of who I am and so I think I derive a sense of purpose or identity from this longing for someone else because it fills me up with something that feels real. Just wanted to put this out there to see if anyone can relate or has feedback. Thanks.",5.160277198211624,6.606180140983608,5.756490312965722,78.48406482861404,68.90163934426228,8.299552906110284,30.25707898658718,8.710501217029153,2.414180327868852,1273,50,232,21,22,412,168,305,0.095,0.812,0.09300000000000001,-0.1577,2,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,2,0,3,3,24,11,0,2,11,0,20,2,0,3,2,62,47,28,0,7,12,0,6,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,17,22,0,1,11,0,0,6,4,5,0,3,8,7,43,6,37,33,6,40,0,1,1,0,23,8,0,7,25,181,60,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688142839139543,0.0,0.09534947900944894,0.0,0.0,0.07614772184789807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658031973687402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901822296152187,0.0,0.0,0.07321861227439276,0.07950505911581232,0.11609094768570595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039560181682272,0.0,0.1199267641845696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202394576255392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535956475833974,0.0,0.12281856504840327,0.0,0.0,0.09664670463443374,0.0,0.09948505446740794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954442826094522,0.0,0.08433701411289214,0.0,0.0,0.1886765343375739,0.0,0.08022729631923363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888777807486393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099442611756975,0.0,0.10440425702069077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082318987186522,0.0,0.07615645479943553,0.0,0.10489600910768372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193541076787282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449155719227673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05233064324018692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046519879119734805,0.0,0.08408136033561217,0.4213353010577532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095298148591629,0.0,0.09009984761729113,0.06356035837682583,0.09653854317198933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614546270773454,0.0,0.07600401719000198,0.1012042190175963,0.0,0.14120944452849798,0.07343984491725689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840905989076988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572280503030584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083816649718943,0.12200125679264524,0.0,0.0,0.2044621550840192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587833293494907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135987685853584,0.07330531824945273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990900794873724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159389270334977,0.07653455301747521,0.08322682919943711,0.0876661537843858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06101338938779183,0.2806606873543697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18603299525970465,0.09912779761309908,0.0,0.08223985546212825,0.0,0.15713360946477792,0.056163460743569864,0.07558152372766316,0.07638006365132566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676418422585952,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pillowpossum,2020/01/21,"Did it take long for you to be diagnosed? I'm not trying to ask anyone to diagnose or validate any of my suspicions, I've just been really relating to so many posts on here for a while now. I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression for about 7 years now, but I'm starting to think there may be something else here. I'm wondering if this is the case for anyone else, was your initial diagnosis BPD or did it take a while for someone to catch that? (I'm currently on a waitlist for a psychiatrist but in the US so it's gonna be like 4 months)",5.91842105263158,4.9235113684210505,7.346315789473685,76.23421052631579,66.89473684210526,12.161403508771933,33.912280701754376,11.538034831475384,3.774870175438596,432,17,93,13,6,150,74,114,0.055,0.898,0.047,0.2287,1,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,1,2,0,0,9,2,0,0,6,0,10,3,0,0,0,12,21,10,0,1,7,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,0,4,1,18,11,0,14,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,5,10,60,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152243717277235,0.0,0.13670535880754628,0.0,0.0,0.24990302599602646,0.18309973379899452,0.0,0.0,0.16706080246226926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250669671314118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391443987838285,0.5441316000615337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985625993100308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730401571316421,0.0,0.0,0.1581442791344319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811742130352592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263699813021702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114563834296218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448008724008485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514123154584431,0.13757234062961612,0.0,0.0,0.12648510168307087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26872100494724904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145040358362726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132587861232448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149546443337756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19379302039401766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150772339752332 bpd,mushman635,2020/01/21,"DAE hate seeing their SO go into public alone, but looking nice? recently i have noticed that i feel angry, and tend to close off when my SO is out in public without me, but looking pretty. i feel like she is trying to look nice in an attempt to attract someone better than me.",6.319757575757578,5.784029218181821,7.007272727272728,77.47757575757578,65.9090909090909,8.06060606060606,32.878787878787875,6.42735559955562,2.1099696969696966,217,8,39,1,3,72,42,55,0.113,0.586,0.301,0.9408,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,2,3,6,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,12,6,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,6,8,5,10,12,0,9,0,0,4,0,4,6,0,0,3,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24886156300073844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125115048941129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429894297207869,0.17165880301053987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655882746894407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372305178335014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739053313851185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6053336541326012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735647120850662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444550199761358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372512758896448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19147508818690048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20359169380937253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313693542565846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316250198244998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yagmuryalinkilic,2020/01/21,I don’t feel ok with my mom When I’m with her I feel very disturbed. I try to be kind and forgiving for everything she did to me. Actually she was just emotionally absent and she’s still being. She doesn’t know how to be a friend of her kid since the beginning. I try to rationalize and accept that she also had hard times and it’s just her but it doesn’t change anything. I feel guilty and angry at the same time and don’t know how to handle with it.,0.26527647610122074,2.4235967835051544,2.447029053420806,93.22475164011247,86.31958762886595,6.0014995313964405,17.06560449859419,7.348242739294969,0.06795670103092766,356,8,83,6,11,120,59,97,0.11800000000000001,0.782,0.10099999999999999,-0.5642,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,3,1,10,0,0,2,0,22,17,11,0,0,3,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,9,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,4,15,5,11,11,1,6,0,0,0,0,12,1,0,0,5,58,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.2298048322164959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18832172851768725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19378867892058596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24911780443342746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26489520179406184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116437451560869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572133327219093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18193943482984454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21095330100033768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24522719659991746,0.2588389238779691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758037164200537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19480023792955364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18806307816010695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746328972188409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319765286143793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19430438773820669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,klaus_mikhail,2020/01/21,"I'm afraid to be left alone with myself As I trawl through Instagram - past layers and layers of rock climbing, bike-packing, national geographic, adventuring, van-dwelling, log-cabin-fireside-coffee drinking people - I am stricken by a sudden mortal terror. I had a singular thought. Why am I not doing anything like this? Swiftly followed by another; because you are terrified of being alone with yourself. I learnt how to drive. I bought an old, beat-up junk car. I've got eco-friendly camping stove lighters, too many backpacks of varying sizes, an inflatable mattress for the car, a special filtering straw to make dirty water safe to drink. I've got a single tent, a decent sleeping bag, a drybag, a hammock, a wind shelter. I've got a hydration pack, firelighters, a pocket knife. I've got a bike. I've got all my rock climbing gear. I've got my auntie willing to give me her unused kayak for free; if I'd only go and collect it from her. I've got a dozen hiking, canoe trail, and rock climbing apps on my phone. But I don't have an image in my head of me living that life in my head. I've got all the shit I need, impulse-buys and one-click wonders. But every time I try to imagine myself out there, I just see my desolate, wrecked self reflected back at me. I'm out there, but I'm also lying in bed here. I'm in the forest, but I'm also crying in my car at 02:00 because I don't want anyone else to hear me. I'm on the lake, but I'm also pacing frenetically around my room, sliding the scalpel across my arms. I can't see me out there without it being tethered to the me in here. I am so utterly terrified at the thought of being alone with myself. My distrust of the world is like a deep vein, but my distrust of my self lines my bones. Intrinsically tied. Buried at my core. I don't know how to see the world beyond what I know. I don't know how to be alone, with myself. Who am I alone? How painful it is to be alone.",3.463066217533907,4.696638370179951,4.7478060455633395,84.91460154241645,72.75321336760925,7.010761457317614,28.06674940164879,7.372421405659032,1.5254982891587625,1502,57,302,16,29,498,202,389,0.14400000000000002,0.823,0.033,-0.9905,1,6,2,0,0,0,68.0,0,1,0,3,18,12,3,2,25,0,22,12,7,5,2,40,54,20,1,3,10,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,4,2,7,12,3,1,8,6,2,10,7,6,0,1,12,4,44,7,48,35,3,39,0,0,3,0,9,24,1,2,7,178,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5312952276365178,0.0,0.2051159850763479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965115748195719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978155589388825,0.08760187618084064,0.07035682337581281,0.07611053992166197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574198771428208,0.0,0.1042364696546188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391454290896052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750920568784494,0.0,0.0,0.07142185112540801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720349889889096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605484258791125,0.0,0.0,0.08201660295596537,0.04858996868985704,0.0,0.5470386897828476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17548936830920245,0.0,0.09636143845610907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096090043678902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289284257867672,0.0,0.06038912580289945,0.08353912281478995,0.0,0.07549550020790506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05706997400968295,0.08668063381730143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339501172558996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971481778761793,0.0,0.057935043443464174,0.06502439248419814,0.09097493580029166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081616650233301,0.05927291975532855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043903432461359,0.0,0.17838423012082366,0.0,0.08776153816309193,0.0,0.0,0.0855588387821986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575028472393355,0.049854042946265116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058046914515977925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0504284010786512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714782893545091,0.0,0.0,0.08241614745571442,0.09271795116810316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tinytryhardchewy,2020/01/21,"Update On Life So a few months back I posted about a jist of what I was going through. My boyfriend ended up breaking up with me and as hard as it was I realized I was becoming a lot stronger than before, I felt like I didn't need his or anyone's validation to feel okay about myself. I moved back across the country to my home state and am going to therapy regularly, met someone new but taking things slow, working full time and being content with myself. Life feels okay for the first time.",4.361938775510204,5.545224377551024,5.041428571428573,83.85357142857143,70.53061224489795,7.6408163265306115,27.26530612244898,7.957251820313856,1.6042693877551018,391,13,77,5,7,126,72,98,0.013000000000000001,0.905,0.08199999999999999,0.631,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,5,2,6,2,0,0,0,13,14,8,0,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,6,4,13,3,17,7,3,21,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,11,56,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445558403406554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179371342081333,0.0,0.0,0.2283256001802714,0.17591859665054868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310828177292307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20906563439414214,0.0,0.19850065895276905,0.0,0.0,0.1758510228939332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349876529997277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519641483612376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20737481767704635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920499708428685,0.10100162097861838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17576104039490115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165016098114073,0.21972950841817696,0.0,0.1532934206273352,0.0,0.1996686053477513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979976150564753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17516822304798885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554410577163346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364226322882442,0.0,0.13734737352254425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411008868778289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505075428276178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Techiedad91,2020/01/21,"“Taking my kids to the grocery store is the height of anxiety” “So why don’t you download a grocery pick-up app?” -my psychologist I hadn’t even considered that. Just weekly anxiety attacks before this week",2.1879824561403503,5.058452184210529,3.6484210526315803,80.18561403508772,92.94736842105264,6.743859649122808,27.385964912280702,7.793537801064563,2.6278807017543864,165,8,27,4,6,54,34,38,0.174,0.826,0.0,-0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5172710980855357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846226505030033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876870460930342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22330320536018566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541992693633147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5423858276442628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050708363927382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,akjohnston87,2020/01/21,"DAE change their mind constantly in regards to their goals, based on who their peers are and what they are consuming. OK so I want to do so many things constantly it's overwhelming, for example I watch the ufc on Saturday night and I want to get back into training mma full time, I watch a podcast and next minute I'm organising to make a podcast with my friend, I watch stand up comedy and I want to be a comedian so I organise going to a comedy improv night I want to be a hypnotist a life coach a motivational speaker. And I just go in circles chasing different things for a bit then moving onto something else. Is this a BPD thing? Does anyone else do this?",2.8683333333333323,5.008314809160306,4.611011450381678,81.44771310432573,76.48091603053436,8.64147582697201,26.183842239185747,9.2995712137729,2.4272895674300257,524,20,103,14,12,177,82,131,0.0,0.8290000000000001,0.171,0.9521,1,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,4,2,5,3,0,1,10,1,7,1,0,2,0,15,16,9,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,8,7,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,4,14,2,17,14,2,21,0,1,3,0,6,8,0,0,9,68,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533324989870668,0.16900545537981512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683238140116998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007701779224825,0.0,0.2077422204925511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17448974350832772,0.0,0.0,0.35649349487851256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17233222509926496,0.0,0.0,0.14434431926605207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755804555738252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743595500815927,0.0,0.08617685806060946,0.0,0.1874838791892515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650540092587808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101019449185058,0.1672281534320382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654724280269062,0.0,0.0,0.17531023474937574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17542068215167314,0.3095790706675089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269825771636539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287460177896009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618064815489827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3891549021520795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Tfallout22,2020/01/21,I'm shaking. I saw something I shouldnt have and I dont know what to make of it. Heart beating so fast it hurts to shaking and I cant stand still or hold myself up. Looking outside and making sure it's not him out front. Would he cheat on me? Talk to girls behind my back?,-1.4546666666666683,0.536577533333336,0.5800000000000018,102.77833333333334,98.66666666666666,2.666666666666667,16.666666666666668,3.1291,-1.242833333333333,212,6,51,0,9,69,47,60,0.217,0.745,0.038,-0.8697,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,2,0,0,5,1,1,2,1,13,11,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,1,2,8,1,8,8,0,10,0,1,2,0,4,3,0,1,3,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23646843080813096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604180585971488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36441966624485295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292128309906711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900818939059514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582442994173965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105518457696034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23674845832063396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455905769879223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289839516610389,0.0,0.0,0.24717766552062345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184575724532712,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WinterElk2,2020/01/21,"Is this an BPD episode? Does this sound familar help please If someone got denied sex (dead bedroom )is common theme) That sets up the background Is this an BPD episode if they proceed to in less than 24 hours, hold in their emotions, act like everything is okay, even shocked at their ability to not give a fuck, act like the king of stoicism, then, proceed to not be able to sleep, wake up and not go to class, contemplate dropping out college, snapping gifted DS in half, breaking reading glasses (dont derserve to see) compare relationships to peers, contemplating taking a bat to their computer have thoughts like: i will never be loved and my life is destined to end in tragedy? I will never be loved like I need to be loved",5.352867647058826,6.96979325735294,4.724294117647059,85.41482352941178,68.63235294117646,7.2047058823529415,34.188235294117646,7.554174236665415,2.3501700000000008,577,28,107,6,10,173,92,136,0.122,0.735,0.14300000000000002,0.0956,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,4,1,1,10,1,0,6,1,13,8,2,0,2,13,24,5,1,3,5,0,0,4,0,2,1,1,1,0,4,3,0,1,1,1,0,3,6,2,0,1,2,2,8,8,20,16,1,22,0,0,1,5,10,8,1,2,12,64,12,4,0.16133003523063058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4063790634947233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118100101424708,0.0,0.1890775997668928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18147457520536667,0.1428905259229369,0.0,0.0,0.10655696673003176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499303304456734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914701793316412,0.0,0.15476247034531618,0.0916875768736882,0.0,0.12903036695312928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081361219239011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588775872413241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139521749793592,0.3152708244753582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4368199666222697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196241769180588,0.24885533770211155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17709193218290425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16137369342936075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732080817574649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855915060873815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144654585266027,0.0,0.13669441531516086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213001087228217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807802723331352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,octokitt3n,2020/01/21,I feel so difficult to love. I just want to shut the world away and it be only me + the person I’m in love with... but realistically that’s unhealthy. I’m struggling a lot with being too needy then not needy at all.. sobbing mess,0.8362499999999997,2.921635124999998,3.1498333333333366,89.57850000000002,83.16666666666666,5.506666666666668,20.016666666666666,6.742157984588678,0.16241166666666684,178,5,40,2,5,61,39,48,0.38,0.511,0.109,-0.9547,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,10,8,4,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,3,2,7,6,2,6,0,1,0,2,3,5,1,1,1,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342475159374345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988256061767904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024537829441375,0.6421732059674289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705709324000952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106352452388398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719168002359541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20983601657812365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,belle-2002,2020/01/21,what does dissociating look like on you? as the title says. for me i just completely lose all sense of what the fuck is going on. i zone out and don’t respond to the outside world at all.,1.0773076923076914,3.1763530769230783,3.0381410256410284,90.64644230769231,82.33333333333333,5.951282051282053,20.006410256410245,7.1686216300943375,0.3108410256410257,146,4,33,2,4,49,33,39,0.155,0.7859999999999999,0.06,-0.6115,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,1,3,1,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,5,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,1,8,5,2,6,0,1,1,1,3,5,1,0,1,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43273086872127214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611755565020237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815545775680669,0.0,0.0,0.2345592633837087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20163498392260396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465822963049921,0.4617300320564153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328212875406502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,csbpd97,2020/01/21,How do people just like themselves? I was listening to Lizzo today and it’s insane to me that she is capable of loving herself and putting everything else aside. I constantly prioritize everyone else and their needs before mine.,5.58925,8.728771425000005,6.305000000000002,67.67000000000002,72.25,10.0,32.5,10.125756701596842,4.492249999999999,187,9,26,6,4,61,35,40,0.06,0.738,0.201,0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,6,6,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,7,2,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26390176261706577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33514540210991456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5181554442018516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963469687753157,0.278729044794973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515161347971966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799086491431002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22996092892619635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21500833135111155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31177100423687154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939714051173722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,titfortwotits,2020/01/21,"I hate having a FP I hate how much their words affect me. I hate how much power their actions have over me. I hate that my whole day, whole week, heck my life could be ruined because of something they said. Even if their tone of voice is slightly off, well that must mean they hate me. I can't live like this. How can one person have so much impact on my life? I swear I feel like a parasite sometimes. When it's good between me and them, I'm good. When it's bad between me and them, I'm bad. My mood depends on them and it's super unhealthy.",0.9580553359683784,2.7922176434782635,2.1342292490118595,98.38189723320158,81.26086956521739,4.529644268774704,19.1501976284585,4.851557810540192,-0.6175217391304346,419,10,98,1,11,133,68,115,0.281,0.632,0.087,-0.9774,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,8,2,8,15,5,0,2,0,9,2,0,5,1,14,19,10,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,1,2,2,0,1,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,8,1,1,1,3,24,6,8,15,5,9,0,1,0,0,10,4,1,2,6,67,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23044001041522755,0.08412043048367206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101777254464583,0.0,0.0,0.08899531590722529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911443519473097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977438453264075,0.09858360788313428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314872057617913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6812071370023137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19493980469233724,0.13483470798067448,0.0,0.12185205423997633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031693690504344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043264615074505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350893810395852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049185299709253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126478203802674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623524143469132,0.13648051750090898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069121172332202,0.0,0.12407401751277435,0.0,0.0,0.3081328297704124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chaserpauldl,2020/01/21,"BPD as an obsession? I’ve suspected being a PWBPD for a couple of years (misdiagnosed for 25 years), & recently received the diagnosis. Now it’s like someone told me who I am (read: validation) & I’m headed full speed. I’m in an almost constant state of rumination over accepting that I do in fact have this, & yes, this is me. I’ve been in an IOP for a few months & am transitioning to a DBT skills group & I’m feeling stabilized & hopeful. But damn if I can stop thinking about it. Examining every piece of me & how it might tie in with BPD. Questioning which pieces are really me & which are the BPD. WhoTF ammmm I?? Is this a thing? Is it common to dive in &, in some ways, embrace or even almost become the diagnosis? Argh!",2.37747104247104,4.5225160135135125,4.478803088803087,81.78067567567571,78.05405405405406,8.282625482625482,24.08494208494209,9.04235418022936,1.9992320463320463,582,20,118,15,14,200,93,148,0.071,0.821,0.10800000000000001,0.7616,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,2,1,11,1,13,1,1,1,1,18,20,5,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,12,1,0,1,6,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,8,3,18,16,5,20,0,0,0,0,5,8,1,8,10,73,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461493495842592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8502259168374499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629370746746434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294355304099966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422063498901456,0.0,0.0,0.09647327777062324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057587695835359214,0.0,0.07346072718071743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044085518715279104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948135336331854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659862615512659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042596277143587484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249404557959873,0.0,0.0,0.06959364988714886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976719455942347,0.0,0.08721287268417878,0.0,0.05585568411334177,0.0,0.0860888934590723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738751923326206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289414050824695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792468210731636,0.05586736881114268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331309156949912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920679057122464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229407287361154 bpd,whuNose,2020/01/21,"Lack of identity I was diagnosed with BPD 5-7 years ago and discounted it at first but lately have been seeing more and more that it’s likely an accurate diagnosis for me. Mainly, I’ve had a (literal) lifelong struggle with identity, as in feeling like I don’t have one. I don’t know who “I” am in a stable sense, as it changes day to day (sometimes multiple times per day) and also depending on who I’m spending time with, as I can have this “chameleon” type thing that happens where I tend to absorb a lot of the other person / group, such as interests / mannerisms and etcetera. People ask me where I see myself in 1 / 5 / 10 years or ask general questions about what I’d like my future to look like and I’ve literally no idea. I don’t even know what I like or enjoy - I’ve got a handful of interests but no hobbies that really stick. I lose interest so easily and it all just feels like too much work to put into something that’s supposed to be a way to relax and unwind. I don’t know how to form a stable sense of identity where it’s separate and distinguishable from who I’m hanging around or the multiple changes in how I see myself / fluctuations in self image and self esteem. It makes it very hard to move forward with any goals or even make the goals to begin with because I don’t know how I’ll feel in a day or a week or X amount of time. I’m constantly changing and somehow at the same time get nowhere and am nothing. It feels like I’m a freak, standing on the outside of an aquarium and looking in at all the people who have stable senses of self and are able to progress through life, meanwhile I stagnate because I’ve got little to nothing to grasp on to when it comes to how I see myself and therefore don’t know how to even define or set goals. Does anyone have advice?",9.79040141676505,5.848585633608817,9.767872884691073,71.21336776859506,61.809917355371894,13.016056670602126,40.80460448642268,10.608840637214634,4.101662101534828,1407,54,285,24,14,469,180,363,0.055,0.794,0.151,0.9877,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,7,20,15,0,1,17,0,19,3,1,9,2,61,49,35,0,1,10,0,6,7,0,0,2,0,0,4,22,22,0,0,13,2,2,5,8,3,0,2,5,12,21,12,50,43,11,45,0,1,6,0,12,20,0,11,26,184,43,5,0.08996084798715888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790869948532358,0.07974486381364906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194165763337178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06117646152019264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290271660652227,0.0,0.0,0.08008422751591779,0.16820249809235066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967859589313857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133025388110488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854999463629658,0.07749330486307643,0.0,0.09721571749736688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23206921870580235,0.0,0.0,0.09130836704599274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872534430901927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825487496366293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18194763105339493,0.19280414333116094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652065134135684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047000830076217234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389981643038682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955208077478165,0.0,0.08058724968516075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155484730545067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24720064687158916,0.0,0.10147975494824343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354200739167712,0.30765228360001523,0.09016440324588763,0.0,0.0,0.15108891018137416,0.10064317780390028,0.0,0.07648149592831492,0.0,0.0,0.12009912917772304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561414444098253,0.06613157429839671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263971980233245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609597988011442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473504973435265,0.07855034251072154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904354995800357,0.10077673825287196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05763122279973916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28674859430205185,0.0,0.281546352547592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925625586989323,0.08897357895222689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404661091037407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976599003526356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098275756291521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742271210515738,0.0,0.07140673379940651,0.07216116590059868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549256876318008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158636732429426 bpd,ghostgirIl,2020/01/21,"always feeling at fault due to diagnosis hi guys, this is my first post here :) i was diagnosed borderline in 2015, and since then i’ve been involved in 5 relationships, 4 of them being toxic/abusive. i grew up in an abusive household with that being the norm. but ever since diagnosis and learning about BPD, i feel like i’m the problem. while i’m in the relationship i feel like the victim of the situation and of the abuser’s behavior, but in retrospect, i think about all of the stereotypical traits of borderlines and how i’m the common denominator, and it makes me feel like i’ll never have a healthy, loving relationship because i’m the root of the issue. i want to tell myself that this isn’t true and remind myself of all the horrible things they did and said to me, but it’s always haunted me in the back of my mind. so i guess my question is... DAE feel this way, and how do you manage it? am i really just the problem? thanks for reading and for your input i hope y’all have a wonderful tuesday <3",6.47735909090909,6.0619003450000015,7.489909090909091,73.74745454545454,65.55,10.472727272727274,32.68181818181819,10.018931242160765,3.07575,799,29,154,16,11,271,115,200,0.138,0.72,0.142,-0.1695,0,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,0,3,2,1,9,11,1,0,16,0,12,2,0,4,5,38,30,17,0,4,4,0,5,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,9,10,0,0,9,1,0,1,2,4,0,1,4,6,22,7,24,24,2,20,0,0,0,1,15,8,0,4,12,108,31,3,0.0,0.43122271854314814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20189106417233355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328534885209136,0.0,0.07395376815423793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279461992169874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313428617632124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097382476742592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067078132602483,0.26000684634915444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319224935781666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336444450235052,0.12012298623492496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049523759000405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662351613819012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780819729190525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949340450807203,0.0,0.08098009536326352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249567084971275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356721385370743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161882309748321,0.0,0.0,0.2321681296010221,0.0,0.0,0.13590289838054828,0.0,0.12134991375223778,0.0,0.07771883027258507,0.0,0.0,0.390747438491137,0.0,0.0,0.11540032786138744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20070949046393746,0.13636548498270296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603647835644946,0.11169247113903104,0.0,0.0,0.08059767969463738,0.0777350886187067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155595914014615,0.09629585413726216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156320215259756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Researchgeanology,2020/01/21,"How can I handle my sisters crazy mood swings? I don’t know if she is bpd, but it’s certainly an idea. Anyway, she has extreme mood swings. One minute she’ll be buying me gifts, the next she’ll be cursing me out and hating at me for no reason. Lately though she’s become more extreme. She’s just being downright abusive towards me. Today, for example, I come into the house and say “oh hi... what are you doing today?”, and she’s like “fuck off”. Later on, I ask her if she wants to go to the cinema and I get the same response. Just now she came in with a face mask, I ask her what it is and she tells me to fuck off and to go away then too. I don’t get her, I really don’t. She seems to be abusive towards me for no reason. I literally could go days before seeing her because she spends days at work and the rest of the time in her bedroom. I was quite hurt at her behaviour today as I haven’t spoken to her in a while. I just see her behaviour as bullying as far as I am concerned.",1.0074586466165414,2.6337166380952404,3.2176691729323323,91.67943609022556,80.23809523809524,5.944862155388472,20.100250626566414,6.8360192770164,0.22090476190476194,754,19,171,8,19,258,115,210,0.196,0.7759999999999999,0.027999999999999997,-0.9913,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,0,2,8,8,3,0,9,0,19,3,1,3,1,28,36,18,0,4,6,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,4,12,0,0,5,1,2,5,6,4,0,1,2,3,41,2,29,27,3,32,0,1,2,2,27,15,2,3,13,126,45,1,0.0,0.3206971757850123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25303792868418323,0.0,0.1271506907278995,0.0,0.0,0.08249831316581221,0.14946570311491886,0.11515921437895775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044835873760955,0.0,0.0,0.1547859729851569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657820526945285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805313816770208,0.0,0.0,0.17455838967513962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25022809195628504,0.1414127949799353,0.0,0.23074018912814626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361424661304233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561571954666715,0.1448777808754011,0.1527755443673662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437599365430801,0.0,0.15266257806339792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611732667469908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392917958849238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170577962033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394430284226958,0.0,0.0,0.08669838682643123,0.27829165851051146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762298029802007,0.0,0.0,0.21568725547540527,0.12320293539125085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828782787924702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296490806143949,0.0,0.07891430822994275,0.0,0.3848422503223443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798234636768208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852471950174432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,oceanlover__,2020/01/21,"For those of you who've gone through a breakup, how do you cope with the sense of loss? After two years of a tumultuous relationship in which I broke up with him multiple times in a fit of anger and sorrow, my boyfriend finally ended things between us. Whenever I ""broke up"" with him in the past, he took it as me needing a brief break to collect my thoughts, and never held it against me. But things just went horribly wrong recently because my dad was diagnosed with multiple types of stage 4 cancer and my emotions have been all over the place. He moved to a different university and we weren't together all the time like we used to be. It really took a toll on me. I was acting so irrationally and I think he finally got tired of me. I got a text two days ago telling me that he thought it was best that we stay separated. Then he blocked my phone number and blocked me on Snapchat. This is my worst nightmare actualized. The sense of loneliness, of hurt, of loss, of being unwanted. I am absolutely certain he didn't want me because I am horribly ugly and disgusting, so my ED is flaring up again and I feel like I might be relapsing into anorexia. Has anyone else ever gone through a breakup that broke them? I don't know how to get through this without destroying myself.",5.520846774193551,6.2602156814516166,5.966290322580644,79.89443548387098,67.58870967741936,10.070967741935485,34.45161290322581,10.125756701596842,3.4101080645161304,1011,47,200,24,16,326,145,248,0.23399999999999999,0.701,0.065,-0.9928,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,4,2,1,3,7,16,3,0,13,0,18,3,0,3,5,39,35,15,0,3,3,1,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,13,16,0,3,5,0,0,8,5,12,0,2,16,1,34,4,37,15,4,38,0,7,0,0,19,12,0,1,17,139,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.13196728663181465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987533747334166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945576181409969,0.13856154515358934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487279641001645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141918030233086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872136918264172,0.0,0.0,0.13725800998740542,0.0,0.14128904499471098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296929336578042,0.1521182156414203,0.11977574164790485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232542180579395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683775500763587,0.0966100328922816,0.0,0.2962809047383309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065333235855842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163153616671176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476905014164365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432017449201063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213541127928938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346017507994238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437306088937834,0.0,0.10027308960363143,0.1042995413579257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909460002021753,0.0,0.0,0.14128904499471098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663331971152742,0.0,0.13352565184802678,0.1451889571958046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441397142900275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819905289772692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17968475666715802,0.08665144291915415,0.0,0.2147187940079964,0.15771016612766814,0.155429717026023,0.0,0.0,0.30049628014120977,0.0,0.0,0.264204752949703,0.0,0.16266789163945652,0.11679734911894565,0.0,0.0,0.07976355618980521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536176279000866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035917990495566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785536859989934,0.0,0.08708521318285498 bpd,inaccurate_reality,2020/01/21,"How to best support my SO who has BPD? Hello everyone, My SO has been diagnosed with BPD by her psychologist a few months ago. I've been trying to find ways how I can best support her by reading up on articles and tips regarding BPD. But I feel that sometimes those sites/articles can be somewhat impersonal. I was hoping if you have some tips on how to support her the best way that I can. Thank you all in advance!",4.0996787148594365,5.296394168674702,5.301385542168674,81.69296184738957,71.16867469879517,8.90682730923695,30.700803212851405,9.2995712137729,2.6573309236947797,328,14,66,7,6,109,55,83,0.021,0.705,0.27399999999999997,0.9751,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,4,5,8,0,0,2,0,10,1,0,3,1,13,16,8,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,11,8,10,12,7,9,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,4,2,52,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926068255305476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4590874613869578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5509657726396451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480042887119428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933731376958264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373100239356035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327689065562365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483221925003165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639217856424144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585951831837826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421976531840902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4964246190705017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13425151725604756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990022470538631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314903483029275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Carlamel,2020/01/21,"I can't get a break. I'm done. Like. I've been doing really fucking well lately, I haven't thought of killing myself for a couple months. I haven't self harmed either. I went through a really devastating break-up last May I think, and I couldn't get over it. I felt so terrible fo so long but I finally started to feel good about myself. Well, better anyway. I don't think I have the capability to love anymore but that's a separate issue. Then everything started to go to shit. I got into a car accident. I got screwed over by the insurance company. I bought a piece of shit car. My rat died. I started thinking about my ex again and I bit hard into my wrist. I was almost at tears. My best friend is basically unresponsive. I don't really have any real friends anymore. I drive the car for a couple weeks and the brakes go out. Costs $1000 to fix and replace. Then the alternator, $350 more. Some other shit goes wrong with the engine, needing another $400. My tire goes flat and needs replacing, $140. I find out it needs even more work on the bearings, $800. My other fucking rat dies. It needs another $1300 on other shit. I paid $2000 for this hunk of bullshit. I fucking hate my life. I don't want to be here anymore but I fucking have to and it pisses me off. Fuck",0.016682199440818838,2.375298233716478,2.3970964067515794,90.44065237651449,93.48275862068964,5.580242311276795,20.46401573987781,7.113659591113569,0.7596868799834318,993,35,209,18,37,337,144,261,0.228,0.6409999999999999,0.132,-0.9845,0,0,0,0,0,1,44.0,0,0,0,3,10,25,13,0,14,0,17,15,6,0,0,33,48,13,3,6,4,1,3,1,2,1,2,0,0,1,9,11,0,1,7,0,3,7,7,16,2,0,10,3,33,9,28,35,7,30,0,0,0,7,5,10,11,3,13,126,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156402871808783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218238803791942,0.19176578728096125,0.0,0.0,0.2720519573873592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596071950593624,0.08087131739078827,0.09982888141455222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20235341217337627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18980072699487766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357494618405536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060395308528824035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218044520207425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0462348504457388,0.0,0.08779681372941155,0.10016813490105664,0.08357457388744294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129275347214662,0.4226743891391556,0.0955473324634501,0.0,0.10393500610009382,0.07669559832155584,0.1462659657245163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191234841487749,0.09027814523290603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543968360850344,0.0,0.0,0.101164897330215,0.0,0.0,0.07453586717630127,0.10314838981168943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458683065599395,0.04467300285153377,0.0,0.0,0.08092159077696309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252823963649608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298659714738175,0.0,0.0,0.27120663412940754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407882651374813,0.17573656453063935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953919427490729,0.0,0.3754477004319886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416527162034156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577332764045903,0.0,0.07259320725708117,0.0,0.10509691724106246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053933726600874365,0.0,0.07334771426455619,0.0,0.16443122163898186,0.08476586756526988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665694651706518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997536979874153,0.0,0.0 bpd,kamicandy,2020/01/21,"I can do things for other people but not myself. For example, crippling anxiety when it comes to ordering food? Not a problem if I’m doing it for someone else. I’m able to function SO WELL when I feel I’m taking care of someone, and will even take their tasks into my own hands, but when I’m alone I am completely useless. I’ll go without eating for days to avoid social interaction. My bank is overdrawn 110$ because I refuse to call them and confront them about the fact my student account shouldn’t get overdraft fees. If it’s my favorite person at the moment, I will literally risk my life or make very bold and rash decisions if it’s “for them.”",3.8013076923076947,5.306966515384616,4.910769230769233,83.0092307692308,72.30769230769229,7.353846153846155,29.153846153846153,7.908726449838941,1.9454461538461536,517,21,99,7,10,170,90,130,0.158,0.7020000000000001,0.14,0.0976,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,4,0,7,8,1,2,3,0,8,5,2,1,1,22,20,13,0,5,9,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,6,5,2,2,2,0,3,2,4,5,1,0,0,2,15,3,14,17,1,10,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,4,5,64,21,1,0.20412920990036645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21141629930812766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615828684756286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244352716964369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208438746322155,0.0,0.20812333399210467,0.0,0.0,0.17583923949367386,0.21402559285979286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316464531975419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088751426411934,0.1705237615836466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482541795076253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321386192211753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24683385087973736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066490870505033,0.0,0.1160113341458664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418249777056086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362578326977868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151749188041673,0.17823775245432913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19532408562268253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20808402289585934,0.3459160342485133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30695952330291143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356143766736499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16842797630808706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18353667463301107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967732739761108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bbbritt,2020/01/21,"Prozac for BPD? Has anyone else here been prescribed Prozac (or any other SSRI for that matter) for BPD? Did this help you at all and in what way? What’re some side effects you experienced?? Any other medications anyone has been prescribed in an effort to treat your BPD? I’ve only been given information about this by my PCP, I am yet to find a psychiatrist that will actually meet with me.",4.467747747747747,6.4320355945945975,5.325405405405405,78.84909909909912,71.43243243243242,7.636036036036036,23.144144144144143,8.344100000000001,1.3779441441441436,310,8,57,5,6,101,55,74,0.0,0.909,0.091,0.7773,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,0,8,3,0,1,1,9,9,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,6,1,11,3,2,6,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,1,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.1980044918451261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27596259909790394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837496111036942,0.20789855605622293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7666493529795209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16949979118235314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545007160559876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600190126879708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20440387296933712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431721208791332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105530920476746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdbearrug,2020/01/21,"Has anyone read 'Mentalization-Based Treatment for Personality Disorders: A Practical Guide'? I did a small MBT course at the start of last year and whilst it obviously wasn't a permanent fix the skills I was able to pick up from it did me incredibly well for a couple of months, better than ANY other style of therapy I've had thrown at me. I'd like to try to relearn those skills I no longer have access to the same service. Was wondering if anyone could recommend this book as a way for me to try to bring those skills back into my everyday life.",5.493044058744992,6.3325023364485995,6.251802403204273,77.46579439252339,67.69158878504672,10.226435246995996,28.369826435247003,10.290406445055957,2.7388088117489984,438,14,86,11,7,144,76,107,0.021,0.878,0.1,0.7959999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,4,2,3,0,0,8,0,9,1,0,1,1,8,12,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,6,0,7,3,19,5,1,14,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,8,55,13,3,0.2328055318542196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15831574490272254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255660817414035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17901308376801936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20589757418418267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858762736270564,0.257594892964709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26681530883033394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18976758060161103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443743202616,0.11373702340233663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858231544317076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20327681068713305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23286853233742566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647809536899131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662334148785845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31611934874510633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18479019498033664,0.0,0.0,0.20932013195734367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25246766847679325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991912968493268 bpd,Vegan_Barista,2020/01/21,"I have good news but I am also concerned and am looking to not feel alone with this Hey all, I used to post on here often but I deleted my old account so I'm back with a new one. I was diagnosed with BPD officially about 2 years ago now. Though, I feel it affected me while I was undiagnosed as well. After a suicide attempt and time spent in an inpatient program - I struggled with seeking further help. I reach some low points and then slow progress last year and found sufficient help with my BPD through my best friend and a very excellent therapist as well as a good mix of medication (the first ever mix to help me). Summer of 2019 I moved to an entirely new state with my best friend and I would be leaving my mental health workers behind. I was evaluated to not need as much treatment. The important part of this story is what is happening now: my BPD has become so much quieter. I have improved a lot. I think I actually learned how to keep up with the coping skills I learned and to refrain from automatic judgements, for the most part. I used to be pretty afraid of losing my best friend and it would cause a lot of my splitting and anger outbursts. I now feel more secure with them. I have a better relationship with my family. I save my money and I don't do drugs anymore (I was into weed and psychedelics). I don't hurt myself anymore. I say my BPD is ""quiet"" because I still get into thought loops and dissociate when upset with racing thoughts about things possibly getting bad again or my best friend and I not talking anymore. If we do get into a fight I become distant from her for the moment and more straight faced. I would say I'm recovered or still recovering. But this scares me. I have become acquainted to my borderline personality organization and have a weird comfort as ai know this is my ego. I wouldn't wish BPD on anyone, but I myself am afraid to not have it be part of me. I guess, in a way I am doubtful I could even have recovered. I sometimes think ""oh, I couldn't possibly have put in this work myself, it must be spontaneous remission therapists talk about."" It causes a rift in me and my feelings. I'm scared that what if one day my progress comes crashing down and I'm at point 0 all over again? I feel guilty and selfish.. Like I'm at this point many in the community are striving for, but I'm scared of it all. Thoughts? I would love support or insight on this. PS: I can specify about my struggles in the past for sake of discussion if needed.",3.3926784378273247,5.261915382413092,4.384571799092225,84.87037258716147,74.11247443762781,7.470118210384557,27.877749513691448,8.25429008570747,1.8858529702229527,1958,78,390,33,41,635,237,489,0.107,0.674,0.21899999999999997,0.9968,0,1,1,0,1,3,50.0,1,0,1,14,24,37,2,9,20,0,39,6,1,6,5,95,73,42,1,14,15,0,5,1,4,6,4,3,0,1,17,33,0,3,15,0,3,3,8,17,2,3,9,9,67,20,63,52,18,56,0,3,1,1,20,23,0,13,28,282,84,6,0.0,0.0,0.06338465470992041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057576821255572876,0.0,0.0,0.06727160913327418,0.0,0.05194280564659133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19324745164176915,0.045416573523871205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04994476597315157,0.05423295317780262,0.03959468114497292,0.21520610409511526,0.0,0.0,0.2726562187652826,0.057445556160547875,0.0,0.0,0.40902947932615263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344902791116706,0.0,0.05595116662348964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05185960037588784,0.0,0.0,0.04188924303503995,0.0,0.0,0.06592581988516155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532473554427165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04290077372130663,0.058753610999351974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06123180754624294,0.0,0.16421067342212928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055248898222925065,0.0,0.07121749540892147,0.2007297782832255,0.0,0.1018056184214862,0.0,0.0,0.10895881117795682,0.0,0.0,0.0715529352942013,0.0,0.057437629412498026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904188869748375,0.0,0.0,0.13060966655076792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953341612237905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05773311634968885,0.0,0.0,0.03569641172740047,0.05294527753469081,0.0,0.06877573599933492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0317327029775876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05454407192631843,0.0726656737736655,0.0,0.11044125501835024,0.05862252251883685,0.0,0.0,0.06585203947931538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654332070388876,0.06545723979309956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903464675602994,0.0954957009300632,0.0963234953667804,0.0,0.12546381901713555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815713571363599,0.0,0.08802752356693896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21101296287893345,0.062004886635474016,0.0,0.05671436145245187,0.0,0.0,0.18420443760770264,0.1464492566509929,0.06220691755222368,0.06608044390709117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529559830519052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973509992082305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330629621982902,0.1950875332337457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424007273712533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374292966679828,0.0,0.0,0.13580573461716058,0.0,0.0710479234560158,0.07370777407470491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441335121164076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083063172162348,0.04315181644129585,0.08323838323463513,0.06381588830285394,0.15469602693164314,0.037874554669507385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219689112185843,0.0,0.05359293974204194,0.0,0.0515565837320924,0.0,0.0,0.11680090397891263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469262226291735,0.0,0.0,0.047286480218435324,0.0,0.0,0.18456268845619225,0.0,0.0,0.08365506799174187 bpd,throwaway33302,2020/01/21,Wanting to die again CW suicide I am anxious about actively feeling like killing myself. I've been looking up methods. I can't find a therapist and I don't have anyone that could help with this hell,4.513846153846154,6.196482435897438,4.910769230769233,83.0092307692308,70.7948717948718,7.2512820512820495,36.07692307692308,7.793537801064563,2.8524461538461536,161,9,29,2,3,51,35,39,0.377,0.447,0.175,-0.9246,0,0,1,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,6,9,1,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,4,1,4,7,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471404514600841,0.0,0.21485825845152232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24533914728064266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189095187539517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553706789090373,0.2195218515892396,0.0,0.0,0.2808495790348613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20596420582956132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399612765786983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501221419564008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25803893586960386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361159135515392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567773209026607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812424964563623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tDCS-NSSI-Research,2020/01/21,"Treatment for Self-Injury through Research Study (MOD APPROVED) Thank you to the moderators of /r/BPD for allowing me to post here, again! I am part of a team of researchers at New York State Psychiatric Institute/Columbia University who are currently recruiting participants for a research study looking at an investigational treatment for self-injury called transcranial direct current stimulation, or tDCS. tDCS is a non- invasive, well-tolerated form of brain stimulation that delivers a low current to a specific area of the brain using electrodes. Research has shown that tDCS can help reduce negative emotions and may help treat depression and other conditions. We are seeking individuals between the ages of 18-65 who self-injure (through burning, cutting, or other means). The study involves completing a baseline psychological assessment, questionnaires, two neuroimaging sessions, and six sessions of tDCS during three visits over one week. This is a double-blind trial, so you may be randomly assigned to receive an active or an inactive form of tDCS. Three months of treatment visits with a psychiatrist for medication management will then be offered after AT NO COST to you. Compensation of $150 is provided for time and effort if you are eligible and complete all research procedures. If you are interested, please contact Young at 646-774-7603, or at young.cho@nyspi.columbia.edu. More information is also available at https://tdcsresearch.wordpress.com/. It is better to reach out to us directly through these channels rather than sending me a message here. The researchers on this team have no conflicts of interest to declare. All study procedures have been approved by the Institutional Review Board for New York State Psychiatric Institute. --- *Some details about confidentiality and the use of your personal information:* *If you consent to participate in this research, your personal information will be kept confidential and will not be released without your written permission except as described in this section or as required by law. Your name or other identifying information will not be made known if the results of this study are published for scientific purposes.* *To make your personal research results not be identifiable with you if they are used for publication in the scientific literature and presentation at scientific meetings, we will remove all your identifying information, including name and date of birth.* *Scan results, questionnaire answers, and data collected during the task may be used in future studies, and if shared with other investigators, information that identifies the scan, questionnaire responses, or task data with you will be removed before hand. There is a potential risk of loss of confidentiality from such data sharing, but this is extremely low as only de-identified data from this study may be shared.* *Clinical records, including your name and other personal identifying information, and research data will be kept in secure storage at the New York State Psychiatric Institute. Information in paper format will be kept in locked files. Electronic data, including MRI images, will be protected by a firewall (programming that makes it virtually impossible to access the data from outside the New York State Psychiatric Institute) and by restricting access within the New York State Psychiatric Institute through use of a password known only to authorized personnel. If information is transmitted electronically, it will be encrypted so that your identifying information remains confidential.* *Records will be available to research staff, and to Federal, State, and Institutional regulatory personnel (who may review records as part of routine audits). Your information will also be available to other authorized individuals, including those at the New York State Psychiatric Institute. There are also legal advocacy organizations that have the authority under New York State law to have access to otherwise confidential subject records, although they cannot disclose this information without your consent.* *Your MRI will be interpreted and the results will be shared with you or a physician who you may designate.* --- Again, if you are interested, please contact Young at 646-774-7603, or at young.cho@nyspi.columbia.edu. More information is also available at https://tdcsresearch.wordpress.com/. It is better to reach out to us directly through these channels rather than sending me a message here. Thank you for your time!",10.836486051502142,13.358420703862667,10.026141809728184,49.11758181330474,56.55364806866953,13.206974248927038,45.177664520743924,12.494345625449446,7.062010228898426,3708,214,436,129,48,1181,289,699,0.031,0.8909999999999999,0.078,0.9802,3,0,0,0,0,0,130.0,4,24,2,9,17,19,1,1,35,0,64,8,3,16,3,108,80,47,0,10,26,0,1,0,0,20,5,0,0,4,31,26,0,8,18,4,2,7,9,6,0,5,6,4,34,13,101,37,11,70,0,4,3,0,76,29,0,25,25,340,65,25,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591742375700155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894406862658663,0.0,0.0,0.14331540272384702,0.0,0.0,0.1020448377098521,0.18089551951120644,0.08273289781736917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990082522377006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697844478857791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113926005952544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861517241958554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803838413951438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666532479471212,0.10816612120645797,0.0,0.0,0.0882571126018179,0.0,0.08162151300339679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467128211275848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5477633635238012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549028542587378,0.12324232559889935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17547866058561806,0.0,0.0,0.2829824304970728,0.0,0.1778764616850223,0.0,0.0,0.07759703306109532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535720042551965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918902375797793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448959011340596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914708171704671,0.0,0.19491986830045765,0.3498865645619724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499125739415673,0.0,0.07284884032397711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620534527581162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,zzzzoe_,2020/01/21,"i’m tired and venting i’m so tired. i’m only 18 but i feel like i’m in my 80s. i have so much to do and get done, work, college, chores, taking care of my sick mom. and going through a breakup. i’m tired of feeling like this. suicide seems so attractive right now. like the only thing that will ever take the pain away. make me stop feeling so overwhelmed. i used to worry about what would happen to all the people i have in my life or wonder who would take care of my responsibilities, but now i don’t care. it wouldn’t matter, not to me, id be gone. i wouldn’t have to worry about that. idk. i’m tired. maybe i need perspective or something. i just wish i didn’t feel this way. but i do. and that’s hard to live with.",-0.7509354838709683,1.3592734387096783,1.287983870967743,99.63197580645162,92.03225806451613,3.8741935483870966,15.491935483870964,5.341637118332708,-1.0275225806451609,553,12,134,3,20,182,84,155,0.218,0.583,0.19899999999999998,-0.6779,0,0,1,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,1,10,9,0,1,4,0,14,7,0,2,2,30,40,13,1,6,7,1,5,3,0,5,7,0,1,0,9,5,0,1,6,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,3,5,16,7,16,31,2,11,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,4,7,79,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000451845184203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581256255037441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198178509492407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059094182994868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368052836908565,0.16729004052420435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061171694489597965,0.0,0.0665416843778609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353722632718278,0.0,0.10488450117803444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270007693728554,0.17160436897046705,0.0,0.10338754854624566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815465414773498,0.0,0.11762687850669115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371276727246809,0.0,0.0,0.08607040455535837,0.0868164968020565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17809571474158506,0.12458590996340435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117148507931984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998932012373793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658911486820713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901371852092086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788768582909987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807117922838976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640983814226149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778558117754297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5382845421228784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112320988966912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293603745708356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464112316800622,0.0,0.12697288780261595,0.08523873729939616,0.23780950320206384,0.0,0.16634660101487486,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nancysiri,2020/01/21,"Misunderstood Does anyone else have the feeling that nobody really understands you, and that all you’re ever going to be is misunderstood? It’s an infuriating and unavoidable feeling that I don’t know how to describe. It’s like when I try to describe myself to people, it’s literal HELL. I just go back and fourth, contradicting myself and changing values/goals/beliefs mid conversation, making others confused, and honestly me too. It’s like everybody around me or everybody I’ve ever encountered in life with all only know a tiny part of me, and that different people will have completely different opinions of me. For example, some people will say I’m very extroverted, bubbly, positive, others will say I’m very reclusive, negative and unfriendly. The thing is, in the moment when i’m with a certain group, I act ‘accordingly’, if that makes sense, and it doesn’t feel like there was a ‘switch’ in my personality or whatever. I just don’t have a stable identity, it’s almost like I’m a chameleon and I just act a certain way depending on my surroundings. I don’t really notice when I shift personalities or whatever, until after I look back and compare those interactions that seem ‘opposite’ of how I have acted previously. So basically, it just feels like I’m always putting up an act, no matter who I’m around. I guess that explains why I’ve been apart of so many friend groups that are completely different from one another, however I always somewhat felt ‘alone’. I have no idea if this made any sense at all, and I can go on for hour and hours, but honestly there’s really no point. If you’re reading this, and you somewhat understand what I mean, please let me know I’m not alone.",6.675571428571431,7.57599854920635,7.559484126984127,68.91732142857144,65.0952380952381,11.506349206349206,33.52777777777778,11.308507894218259,4.174368253968255,1353,56,232,41,20,454,163,315,0.075,0.815,0.11,0.7525,4,3,0,0,0,1,39.0,0,2,0,0,20,12,1,1,11,0,20,1,0,6,7,64,48,28,0,3,12,0,5,5,1,3,1,2,0,2,23,17,0,0,14,1,0,8,9,2,0,1,4,8,26,10,24,39,7,34,1,0,1,0,13,13,1,15,17,155,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965043617376873,0.20613616980713986,0.0,0.0,0.1656097990405033,0.0,0.0,0.06767397827571925,0.10435071836228073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958357792087135,0.10196542873631087,0.0,0.17717985442329362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304261176840306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527424376290577,0.0,0.20868029616070355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31191766877297483,0.0,0.0,0.08708671780172472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313246232431677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003500272679732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20127218419067625,0.14218784025786266,0.0955505224627003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768854576890783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967092050120236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962758443003587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19600551782045855,0.0,0.0,0.11234092916725158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407341114957955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017613798423911,0.07029076741224391,0.24309132536388464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356798817092008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416400810499873,0.13285478854025154,0.100893135805342,0.0,0.108401594705493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329909943433332,0.0,0.0,0.06743430393402489,0.07568605088185898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776562978037604,0.0,0.20697463132508329,0.17378625832637526,0.0,0.10923817661144383,0.0940743495390059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004060192191844,0.0,0.0,0.09954246817450027,0.0,0.191256605375845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827749992964169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905952081224752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611370142645907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756451783319417,0.0,0.0,0.2071983690254142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16422148168394324,0.0,0.07899080188359818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979729426387882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pomegranate_cola,2020/01/21,"DAE find it impossible to make decisions? Every decision I have to make, whether it's small things like what to order from a restaurant or bigger things like whether or not to change jobs, is a completely impossible (and infinitely stressful) endeavour. My mind can change completely from one minute to the next (literally!). I will be dead set on one thing and then regret it minutes later, then change my mind, feel happy about the new decision, and a few minutes later I can't believe that's the conclusion I came to. I don't know if this is specifically a BPD thing or a combination between that and anxiety, but I'm left playing all the potential options and consequences over in my head constantly and it's so exhausting!",8.668592750533051,8.279211104477612,8.695117270788916,66.8184328358209,61.08955223880597,13.030277185501067,40.03837953091684,12.28987398476788,5.170387206823029,584,28,101,18,7,191,84,134,0.084,0.853,0.062,-0.5853,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,0,1,9,0,8,2,1,2,1,29,14,16,1,2,8,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,7,0,0,7,1,0,1,3,3,0,3,1,1,8,4,13,11,2,17,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,5,10,72,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128785150558478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662429898831487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858392769641352,0.0,0.0,0.16876263002352174,0.0,0.0,0.4682781530065682,0.0,0.30941542192434623,0.15945360835549532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432072892259458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460780789892335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486181297691194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707412833360002,0.0,0.0,0.151433119464519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642471834562618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109189778402881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031800744567215,0.0,0.0,0.14417500144947334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969870716456872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979752417148356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250871018951514,0.15692550439832828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19997301123104333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902277157575338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921136628269795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Questioninghands,2020/01/21,How to not be obsessed with your FP I find I become obsessed with a FP partner and the relationship becomes toxic. How do you not become obsessed with someone and yet still show you are interested and that you do care? I have issues with boundaries it seems..,3.367346938775512,6.019456346938777,4.125877551020409,82.93697959183675,77.36734693877553,5.552653061224492,28.16734693877552,6.742157984588678,1.5331518367346937,207,9,36,2,5,66,33,49,0.0,0.7929999999999999,0.207,0.8153,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,4,0,0,4,5,0,3,2,0,5,0,0,2,0,13,7,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,7,2,5,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7970682536739898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452759974360481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21987559015917893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510913999548131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25828093746404684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190048653598932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20383322403590973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921186114311879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,helloyesiamfine,2020/01/21,"DAE have a breakdown and feel like they totally just faked the tears and the screaming and random acts of self-harm? I’m sitting here, 5 min before my online English lesson where I’m the teacher and honestly trying to keep it all together but also telling myself I’m just doing it for attention. For attention in an empty apartment. And nobody knows. I’m gonna be lucky if I don’t randomly cry during the lesson. How can a mess like me even be a teacher. God I’m tired and just on the verge lately.",3.3960643564356445,4.967538643564357,4.8723638613861375,82.61666460396042,73.45544554455445,7.426237623762375,26.48638613861386,8.07648339933343,1.7550089108910891,397,14,75,6,8,133,72,101,0.156,0.7190000000000001,0.125,-0.5187,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,2,8,7,0,0,9,0,6,1,0,1,2,24,15,10,0,1,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,6,0,1,6,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,2,5,4,6,12,2,9,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,4,4,46,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441791048340264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259820592026362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354000275971331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20167321332676635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543883305542602,0.21813390032803312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713989068180191,0.0,0.0,0.1678060657848867,0.0,0.3444351511653803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29834595611759623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185346691375374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668793255914579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509417126435696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20730481273236184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kcamsps,2020/01/21,"Is this BPD? When I go on a date with a girl it stresses the tf out. Immediately after it's over if she hasn't texted me within an hour I start getting in a bad mood thinking that she didn't have fun and that she will never talk to me again. Then I get really trapped up in my head. So I text her and she hasn't responded in an hour so I start thinking of all the ways I can self destruct (cutting, buying drugs, isolating) because there's no hope and I'll be alone forever. Is this what BPD is like? Happens to me all the time. Or I'll be doing really good in life and I'll think of ways to fuck it up because I'm a price of shit.",0.854690476190477,2.200622992857141,3.120000000000001,93.47333333333334,79.78571428571428,6.3809523809523805,21.666666666666664,7.1686216300943375,0.3990952380952386,489,14,120,6,12,168,87,140,0.192,0.7490000000000001,0.059000000000000004,-0.9605,0,2,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,11,4,1,9,0,12,5,2,0,3,15,24,10,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,8,6,0,0,3,0,2,1,5,6,0,0,1,0,15,4,18,20,2,24,0,0,0,1,9,10,2,3,12,78,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720113986359941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867196352911404,0.20248472037587284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4183502296361352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926029907681789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535406097580472,0.17354251953935046,0.0,0.09438852117534427,0.13930213462937086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686622033979035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044857614982015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649574125766719,0.32711564682911426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730899264393575,0.08113952813082878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809307494652486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21279342497955608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732602853644316,0.0,0.1704813159308945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351081191926607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902469608620432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349083520957433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192569102670639,0.0,0.0,0.0968440506382206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636571412787707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SillyDecision,2020/01/21,"I'm an idiot Sorry in advance for my English, its not my first language. I left my job impulsively with an idea that everyone hates me and I should leave before I'll be fired. In strong anger I wrote my manager that I'm leaving. For some reason I was not exluded from work chats in messenger. Few days passed and in horrible fear of being jobless I write my boss that I want to return. He is strangely okay with that and everything he wants is me telling other guys that my ideas are wrong. I feel relieved but like a real idiot for listening to my emotional thoughts, but I feel I need some support. I am welcome at this job and I worked pretty okay. Did i do the right thing?",3.8636764705882345,5.110722720588235,4.724294117647059,85.41482352941178,71.79411764705883,7.792941176470588,28.30588235294117,8.238735603445708,1.8477435294117648,534,20,108,8,10,173,90,136,0.158,0.667,0.175,0.6652,3,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,5,0,13,4,1,4,2,10,0,0,2,0,26,22,6,0,4,4,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,9,6,0,0,6,1,0,2,2,6,0,1,4,4,21,7,14,15,3,12,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,2,4,70,30,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384320834466344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049177076108747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18299757912690764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545151310788846,0.14620986993575774,0.0,0.0,0.18306470463004795,0.16451581525382286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383789089892848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108271583542785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16061674818246766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36730081948757465,0.0,0.0,0.3228774921865746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445176869997383,0.1767566186271357,0.0,0.0,0.07947917440093921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206281086828867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165508092061764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851699835675424,0.0,0.16726622485742104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893122873311442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18211139477663996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18461185088853266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219296777951196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080800065181148,0.0,0.0,0.12915290693764028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919104510099569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23687174778284825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778693919108184,0.0,0.0 bpd,Different-Gur,2020/01/21,"DAE think strangers really give a shit about them more than ? Like in your head you've already ""categorised"" them as family / significant other because you spend time fantisizing about them ? So you latch onto them even when they dislike you.",5.981341463414633,9.134366097560974,5.1001829268292695,76.75320121951222,70.95121951219512,8.978048780487804,27.32317073170732,9.516144504307137,2.9405073170731706,194,7,31,5,4,58,34,41,0.147,0.754,0.099,-0.504,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,4,5,0,5,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,1,6,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,10,2,1,0,3,21,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4072860085011281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22498611314555128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24377209391214025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479332572540421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35405260315523235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787798167481974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18031253936328615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364403867126777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37885257281666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23648984872376075,0.0,0.0,0.21521195766197107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jcor50,2020/01/21,Is this even worth it Been in the mental health system since I was 8. First suicide attempt at 8. 4 more throughout my life. I've burned myself punched myself in the face and ruined my relationships. I went from 8 contacts to 4 in less than a month. Losing my gf of 2 years in the process. They misdiagnosed me with bipolar for 10 years. They put me on a bunch of useless meds then blamed me when they didn't work. I've been beat I've been molested by my own sister. I have to give up drugs to go to a dbt program. But I might not get in for a few months. I've worked so hard my whole life and even waited a year for disability and got declined. All for the wrong illness. I'm only 21. I cant take it anymore. It's not fair and I want to give people what they want. But then I always wake up with my face in a mound of klonopin. I've been completely failed by my providers my whole life. Give me a couple reasons to live because this shit sucks and it hasn't been good for years. A chaotic life is a stable one. It's all I know. I deserve the self mutilation. I deserve the relapses.,0.4885589519650679,2.6141846157205246,2.152705676855895,95.9437135371179,84.93886462882097,4.886707423580787,20.51371179039301,6.152001189255117,-0.04960520524017476,843,26,194,7,25,275,129,229,0.20600000000000002,0.7759999999999999,0.018000000000000002,-0.9903,0,0,1,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,4,7,4,9,3,0,15,0,13,12,4,1,2,19,27,11,1,2,4,1,1,0,1,1,8,0,0,1,8,7,0,1,2,0,1,3,5,8,0,2,9,1,28,1,30,17,9,24,0,4,0,0,12,10,2,1,10,120,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047564858824414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248561094633803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767457133515314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200073078620164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930276420305684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600068481911582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663077154489135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070880225169556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577604687477699,0.36231595648132003,0.07155023229753857,0.1055965277150463,0.1006914245498227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277908718217915,0.0,0.0,0.13382274704586578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691897624349765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35569942487694584,0.0,0.0,0.1111694599305652,0.0,0.0,0.1408466695188344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398433143531092,0.0,0.12687468156519,0.13355694467224893,0.0,0.0,0.2009797536538488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531114401424095,0.0957504298252798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728120827812783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265613745517717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944320333703946,0.0,0.13516638685555815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133814908206382,0.0,0.12923158033788396,0.10414339530307327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771101092625454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465896310894027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851476174439804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670788779973865,0.0,0.2811192678376317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18330919968565784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764873263669006,0.0,0.324294459904356 bpd,moosecakies,2020/01/21,"Annoyed at cost of expensive DBT I’ve been considering trying out DBT but am really put out off by the mixed reviews of its effectiveness, but mostly the INSANE cost for group therapy ($90+ per session) and $200 individual sessions in Northern California. That’s nearly $300 a week! I do not have insurance and even if I did, my understanding is that DBT treatment is not usually covered. If you are getting it covered , how ? With what insurance? How to get around this issue ? In Los Angeles where I lived a few years ago, I almost joined an intensive DBT county program but was on a 6 month waitlist. Due to the length of time to get in I never ended up going and sadly it would have been FREE !!! 😳 In Georgia, I found a less intensive group for DBT , but again never got to attend due to wait and the teacher was kind of flakey in my regular therapy. Also, was free. Advice on help finding affordable options, charity for mental health, county/community help etc Sliding scale here is still pretty high as this is Silicon Valley. All help is appreciated . 🙏🏻 Thank you and good luck to all of you in your quest for help with this crap disorder.",4.820227272727274,6.2349627045454525,6.2925,74.43875,69.68181818181819,9.5,30.568181818181817,9.827888789773867,3.1175454545454544,905,37,163,22,16,308,142,220,0.068,0.7340000000000001,0.19699999999999998,0.9885,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,4,0,1,9,9,2,0,9,0,17,2,1,3,4,34,26,15,0,3,8,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,10,0,1,4,0,5,4,4,3,0,0,8,0,12,8,34,17,6,34,1,1,0,0,10,17,1,6,13,110,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670614848956998,0.13308195776322346,0.0,0.15033437981763034,0.0,0.0,0.12005960239588452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336483037789021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17206298360195146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297138950361687,0.0,0.16743560521051554,0.09916002363252953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372168952130161,0.0,0.0,0.16461074976582335,0.0,0.0,0.23531154925500003,0.0,0.08532283311553666,0.1259226507377948,0.12007337135264233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958209423800682,0.0,0.0,0.4025182298092592,0.1586215067765439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566976229218812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15633819821103806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256830862205685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129660567357747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983302799981913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315803642397389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273706768185608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092299064590498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617767956066246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989470661176513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822033425968286,0.3433754674674609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754251754286306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192900579399773,0.0,0.0,0.15629153018629538,0.0,0.0,0.1653479428345229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120425928056883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664866249201184,0.0,0.0,0.09667935796367896 bpd,etv2017,2020/01/21,"Anyone else find group chats extremely stressful? I always feel everyone is closer friends than me and is really excited to see each other, whereas I'm just sort of tolerated and everyone finds me annoying, but is too polite to say it.",10.131627906976744,8.803780418604656,10.63220930232558,57.12877906976747,58.767441860465105,15.111627906976745,42.43023255813954,13.816669648895859,6.379102325581398,190,9,29,7,2,65,36,43,0.092,0.821,0.087,-0.0644,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,6,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,2,4,6,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22427138549788828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18846234363701408,0.2761663634406779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251585668643398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5150968461738139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628297320616065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4926929060659874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082389836890228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17266846173666794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21434187112129216,0.0,0.0,0.2147813124464508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30874685235487026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lazymcfail,2020/01/21,"FP was mean to me, ruined my day how do i approach my fp and tell them that they said something that hurt me so bad it caused me to have the worst day of the past 3 months? i don't even know if it's worth it to say anything about the subject now that a whole day has passed since the incident(s). im stable now but i had a rough day (rapid cycled for probably 5 hours). should i just move on since im stable now and not re-stir the pot unless he says something similar to what upset me? now that i have some hindsight i can approach him in the moment better if it happens again :/ idk i don't want to stir the pot and i definitely don't want another day like today and i feel like if i brought up this issue it would just cause me to be upset for another day and him to resent me for even speaking my mind. things have been tense between us lately, i believe it's purely stress from our jobs and not relationship-based. i did tell him today was the worst day i've had since october, if he asks me about it maybe that would be a good cue to speak on the subject? unrelated but i felt i should include: i sent him some youtube links about fp and managing fp relationships and said i was going to work on the things the doctor said in the video and i just wanted him to watch as well so he could have some understanding on how i see the relationship. hopefully that doesn't upset him, for me to openly admit to him that he is my fp. i am posting this right before bed but i promise promise promise i will read and reply to everyone. i will probably be afk for at least 10 hours",3.0902456940222933,4.094762607902736,4.38968465045593,88.00675595238096,73.37689969604864,7.428622087132728,24.34663120567377,7.793537801064563,1.0244497467071931,1234,35,273,16,24,408,159,329,0.122,0.76,0.11800000000000001,0.1749,1,0,2,0,0,0,23.0,2,0,2,2,18,19,1,4,16,0,30,1,0,4,1,49,49,23,0,13,13,0,3,2,0,6,1,7,1,0,19,11,0,0,7,2,1,7,6,10,1,0,13,12,45,9,34,26,7,38,0,2,2,0,29,10,0,8,22,185,64,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19101621448289494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495326575674248,0.0,0.08514998880275337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605021385789665,0.0,0.0,0.07750463233629104,0.10261896371453494,0.0,0.08055520813835365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713395670156047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272208994854383,0.0,0.0,0.41118544964740383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322695868228352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031847151963612,0.0,0.0,0.08703338178242194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046054127978461486,0.0650694681786038,0.08745363414424373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051764372829468656,0.07639581109126628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054409255550106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090465629710849,0.17939613938181084,0.0,0.09750586786303607,0.0,0.19676979829636085,0.0950666296258127,0.09038548253603038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05005664613040954,0.0,0.1027452040909023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899677064690617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150477104262794,0.0992157149923224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919675185668206,0.0,0.07270130763552035,0.09680644961722787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869487020816058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723200759097656,0.0,0.19640501836132496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110730500658484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29336605983782393,0.0,0.07778409119400549,0.25992139285224913,0.1448651688693369,0.0,0.0,0.0725810849153357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260335446477848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023975811831818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433487556650678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922051325342654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102253985536016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17267141715961706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482025787512627,0.10956122135385199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611687324573759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818942470020942,0.0,0.0,0.10169053350784882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630925890038195,0.0,0.0,0.1294050121267108,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PinkiePiesTwin,2020/01/21,"How do I get support? People don’t seem to realize that when I’m alone and nobody is there for me, that I’m telling the truth and mean it. I’m going to therapy and seeing an NP for meds but it’s not exactly healthy to have only those two for support or rely on them constantly outside of my appointments with them, you feel? Not only that but that’s expensive. My family is riddled with toxicity and dysfunction. They are a big factor behind my mental dysfunction. They’re invalidating at worst and simply clueless at best when it comes to my struggles. They think that I’m taking meds and poof, my problems will be gone now give me the money you owe me. Irl friends? No. Nobody I see in person to hang out. Nobody I feel comfortable with asking to hang out. There’s a few people I go to college with that I like and get along with but they’re not really people I see outside of class. Or would even feel comfortable asking to hang out outside of class. There’s no DBT near me, nothing one on one and no groups. I live in a rural area. So I’ve resorted to a discord server that’s a bit inactive and small, and a few online friendships, but I’ve latched onto one person that talks to me often and we have phone calls and I’m kinda relying on them for emotional support and it’s unhealthy and I realize that it’s unhealthy to rely on just one person for emotional support. But the problem is I have nowhere else to turn, no other options whatsoever because I live in the middle of nowhere. So it’s the most disheartening, painful and heartbreaking thing every time I’m in a really dark place and just want my suffering to end and the “there’s nobody here for me, nobody cares” is actually the truth. It’s not lies. It’s not my brain tricking me. And yes, I’ve tried hotlines before and I don’t usually find them very helpful to me because if I get someone who isn’t helpful to me or my situation I’ll just get triggered and feel worse than I started.",3.7150425170068,5.1692745688775545,5.1289591836734685,81.56365986394559,72.4438775510204,8.083809523809524,28.37278911564625,8.648137234880735,2.16620074829932,1549,60,301,28,30,519,177,392,0.172,0.675,0.153,-0.8909999999999999,1,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,2,6,1,16,21,1,1,15,1,15,2,1,3,3,72,52,34,0,5,17,0,4,1,1,2,1,0,0,3,21,31,0,0,10,0,3,7,12,9,0,5,1,7,39,12,48,48,6,35,0,3,3,0,24,20,0,9,9,202,60,3,0.0,0.0,0.08941398933446343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489714772577834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17131632451814105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170900634547402,0.0,0.07796717845577626,0.0,0.09615608205261106,0.0,0.10003211899556723,0.0,0.0,0.10228518226832464,0.0935606316364518,0.0,0.09341905442326023,0.0,0.0,0.07892788938614335,0.0,0.09901541056720033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654196316327537,0.20613436644927605,0.08115364920787374,0.0,0.0,0.060518264894117574,0.0,0.07719905584601394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637706100831354,0.0,0.1853159124291743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374471998134443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079020283641485,0.0,0.191483706824338,0.08789623488208942,0.10414660317423956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283026951758826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044763950810757305,0.0,0.1618152905547086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980783242554274,0.20355218563007701,0.0,0.09233769541711476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791784485310912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483532359488148,0.13937176300571338,0.09749677549774494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19056628618569224,0.24001348590892105,0.09572991522876396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534786739146835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173962263285364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190427422023161,0.08341308423931318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299172853143834,0.0,0.0,0.07763461263446347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485352161390756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957876363150501,0.0,0.0,0.41590546829633307,0.0,0.0,0.06889152663261812,0.07364569795591265,0.08008536907049772,0.0,0.10478258645513368,0.0,0.0608723999949608,0.058710392482384084,0.0,0.0,0.05342799519481895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062208199908209735,0.0996630339016262,0.08950551900134363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091335436989954,0.07560124078024652,0.054043528092929234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337496258495877,0.06508864934535585,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,burrrdy-,2020/01/21,"DAE hate phone calls because it's impossible to read the other persons true intentions and feelings? My FP (who is also my housemate and coworker) is overseas at the moment and we've had two conversations in a week. One was uncomfortable because he wasn't alone and it was lagging, the other we face timed and I thought it would feel better but honestly I just ended up feeling even more disconnected from him than before. He's reassured me since and I want to believe him but I have this terrible feeling in my stomach and I'm ready to engage in reckless behaviour. So... DAE?",4.026697247706424,6.460647495412849,5.224302752293578,77.02104128440368,74.04587155963304,8.029724770642202,32.00091743119266,8.841846274778883,3.0894983486238528,463,23,79,10,10,153,77,109,0.11599999999999999,0.685,0.19899999999999998,0.8043,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,1,4,7,1,0,4,0,8,2,2,1,1,20,16,11,0,2,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,8,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,5,4,11,5,10,10,1,9,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,0,4,56,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23376266222458805,0.0,0.1804964781993848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27517575968922225,0.0,0.19205861966081889,0.2542926264912903,0.0,0.1996180307573412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304703866753821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199907937622024,0.0,0.0,0.1490762478524822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4564936047098365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22283729452230572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529437791303491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970771963136396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257664182530236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867057889466235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17918482778009834,0.13161059835174235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22048132011310068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312685687370412,0.0,0.18104720875624825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033459715291226,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,please-help-cope,2020/01/21,"Please help me cope with losing my gf w/ BPD of 7+ years. So sorry for the wall of text.. please help me I was recently dumped by my partner with BPD after 7 years of dating (since middle school). I really loved her. She really loved me. We were absolutely best friends. I don’t really believe in soulmates, but it sure felt like she was mine. We had a tough relationship with immense love but its fair share of arguing. I had my flaws, I was very depressed a few years back and treated her with relative disdain during a LDR where we were particularly toxic to one another, but I worked on it and myself and tried my best to be a great, thoughtful boyfriend afterward. It hurt her, and she’s still hurt about this time period, but I worked so hard to make it right the next few years. She had her issues too. She would get angry with me for not spending large stretches of time with her, and she was constantly struggling with depression/anxiety that she couldn’t get completely under control. This affected our relationship, but I was patient. Her demons haunted her, and I knew all about them and I understood. I recently moved back near her, as I transferred unis (mainly for career reasons, but conveniently she was here too), but a few days after we spent the whole winter break together, she met a guy at an org that she became infatuated with, and she left me within less than a week. What the fuck? Take time for yourself, sure, but throw yourself at a random person like this? I’ve never been so hurt and angry. Our relationship was long and bumpy, but I thought we really loved each other for the long run. Not more than a week ago we were cuddling, and now she can’t even look at me the same. It hurts me so much. I don’t have the words to describe the feeling. I know we may have gotten too comfortable with each other, and maybe we stopped showing the more “exciting” parts of a relationship, but that could be worked on. I was willing. I had started going to the gym and dieting hard to look better for her and have a better overall mood.. But this came out of left field. I wanted to work it out. How can this happen so quickly?.. anyone please help me cope. I’m hurting more than ever before. This has been, by far, the worst weekend of my life.",4.239925280199254,5.731059082191781,4.834765462847653,84.03989414694895,71.1917808219178,7.957492735574927,26.058115400581155,8.484438967287268,1.6780812785388133,1770,56,349,29,33,566,219,438,0.15,0.6779999999999999,0.17300000000000001,0.8721,0,0,0,0,0,0,64.0,10,0,1,10,20,32,3,1,23,0,32,8,0,5,5,75,59,32,0,4,13,0,4,2,3,3,1,0,0,3,19,36,1,2,8,3,2,5,7,13,0,1,26,6,65,18,51,26,18,58,1,7,2,6,51,19,1,2,35,255,84,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651517453422422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706930149151321,0.05622594397967225,0.0,0.0,0.05139167060665192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130312025881665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254157944324026,0.08280733522724439,0.15426371362291025,0.13000642148695324,0.0,0.0,0.18513689289123827,0.0,0.0,0.08406239377679614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706149470055271,0.07942547477982806,0.08243451345809923,0.0586823552179561,0.0,0.0,0.04740027732138929,0.0,0.06330391690385496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04854488704871305,0.06648335594588657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037162912936049404,0.0,0.07056982586150835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05678454937301543,0.06794792833735233,0.07679958220646135,0.0,0.0417707372844064,0.0,0.0,0.08103205689817135,0.0,0.07277480204390609,0.06499424113627925,0.0,0.13167995324660967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477929407839126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934068711324452,0.0,0.0,0.07671305559319283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04039270449079056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597120816324215,0.0,0.051913972714175534,0.0718150442602522,0.0,0.0,0.13008723954758947,0.12344000264615106,0.08222571808557544,0.0,0.0,0.2653400847895847,0.0,0.04906063855282928,0.0,0.07383884982212009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811698574459203,0.0540296550990317,0.0,0.05668636519480413,0.0,0.07816620031648014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04980430209132399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959141961181483,0.0,0.0,0.06417581856762157,0.0,0.2420369528771836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18833939000184055,0.07556842048197622,0.14514126840801006,0.31563836782792337,0.0,0.0627670859429683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438413158906694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060798494504124875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227524993028935,0.05202242475005973,0.0,0.05869578058770634,0.0614478104420549,0.0,0.07683630708370319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854242195495062,0.0,0.05526152120925935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669876792224534,0.12857222508822005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04990047291229164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060643736247903535,0.04335115971311018,0.0,0.1179116918511912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205814785897174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21403034416557204,0.0,0.0,0.052211033084835164,0.0,0.0,0.18932179886045344 bpd,trusty0108,2020/01/21,"DAE not stand it when someone leaves you on read Went through a horrible break up and got back into the dating scene and I’ve found a lot of girls I try to talk leave me on read half the time(or In some cases just outright block you for no reason). Having severe bpd and abandonment issues I honestly can’t stand this like it just tells me I’m not worth there time or worth anything to them especially when they block you randomly and I honestly don’t know why, I’m not perverted I don’t ask for nudes or hookups I just ask normal stuff like questions about them and who they are and overall getting to know them, but I guess now even that isn’t good enough for most people ;/",3.98496350364964,5.215595562043795,4.136941605839418,89.80395255474455,71.48175182481751,7.523795620437956,25.37883211678832,7.908726449838941,1.1741801459854009,540,16,115,7,10,167,91,137,0.113,0.787,0.1,0.281,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,5,0,10,6,0,0,4,0,6,1,1,1,0,30,17,11,0,1,9,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,3,5,2,2,1,8,1,0,1,3,0,16,5,14,14,4,15,0,1,0,1,15,5,0,8,8,73,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656549508553814,0.0,0.31028802441019704,0.0,0.0,0.12760790879019102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20901247797780964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147420805675406,0.0,0.10961064514748137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819593200875707,0.0,0.0,0.08670379379253729,0.0,0.0,0.13919382509629366,0.13272808150762333,0.0,0.18281636249134114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17321221710469267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824072798457359,0.0,0.0,0.3514413442681545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215288182177068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108763273244512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259908131632864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505118115288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18590577056601534,0.0,0.3319965871670949,0.0,0.0,0.17062771849677522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874800874394368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061176392823993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899769209565301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338704405037852,0.14505057251806067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19353750582528267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267145443333992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15384044980713846,0.1497471168797286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,savannahdt,2020/01/21,"Favorite Person I’m considering telling my FP that she is mine and a little bit about my condition, but I’m not sure. It’s driving me crazy. I am also diagnosed with Bipolar type 2 along with BPD. My FP splitting has gotten worse. I’ve always self-harmed over her and overthink everything she does or say. I tend to be awkward and change who I am when I’m around her to be someone I’d think she’d like to be around, but recently I’ve been feeling suicidal over her as crazy as it sounds. My FP’s are always adults and she happens to be my manager at my retail job. I’m not sure if I should tell her, but she has always been very supportive of me. I’m afraid this might push her away, but I think it would bring me relief not hiding this huge secret. Should I tell her? Thank you.",3.074734151329245,4.133559822085894,4.1860276073619636,89.2442356850716,73.47852760736197,7.396523517382414,24.62627811860941,7.793537801064563,1.0698143149284247,613,18,135,8,12,200,94,163,0.134,0.732,0.134,-0.2446,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,6,8,0,2,1,0,17,2,0,0,2,28,31,14,1,4,9,0,1,1,0,4,2,2,0,2,7,9,0,0,4,0,1,3,3,2,0,0,3,3,28,6,17,19,1,13,0,0,0,0,20,8,0,3,3,84,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108591940205694,0.3779663515759671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695815647670093,0.0,0.0,0.14225867022583488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530514284353715,0.0,0.19070094481891744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601761975459476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368227445089974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250362876652996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608136283388306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655959326584537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389511943206625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025527751457873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397335333205543,0.15175685442229395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062658930748638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322090810129616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950330312545454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041068731353866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795808285956986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829280095237566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562261175900098,0.17182309426330403,0.285412273606981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3970281797528251,0.13940189639064668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19404027252748093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493261196317453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543040543687827,0.10756033747524377,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,judgejurythief,2020/01/21,"I am a manipulative person Obviously as the title says I feel like such a horrible manipulative person towards my friends and girlfriend. Even the slightest mention of their friends (who I know a little about but am not close to) makes me feel agonizingly jealous until I reach the point where I lash out at them or stonewall them for hours or days at a time. I feel like I am being replaced and am self aware that this is a delusional way of thinking yet I cannot get rid of these feelings of jealousy. It is so bad that I cry for hours on end or self harm because of it. I feel disgusting and hate these jealous emotions and wish I could stop them but I have felt them for years. Does anyone else struggle with these feelings? How do you manage it?",5.83299319727891,6.227125768707483,6.031700680272112,80.90972789115645,66.82312925170069,8.438095238095237,32.65986394557823,8.167268648758528,2.270014965986395,596,24,118,7,9,190,93,147,0.282,0.639,0.079,-0.9913,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,5,0,7,11,4,1,8,0,11,0,0,4,1,30,24,13,0,2,6,0,7,2,3,0,0,1,0,4,10,7,0,1,9,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,8,20,4,18,21,0,19,0,0,0,0,16,9,0,3,11,83,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418268880204573,0.1526657991441959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440689478190567,0.09082764338826173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189625766135747,0.0,0.16366702825931126,0.09609122028941737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038893213922062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446849832199072,0.1676024103913146,0.1319677786249951,0.0,0.0,0.09841160640673756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520264254137106,0.2128880399031139,0.14306120271545428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23023057885678186,0.0,0.07784517295014003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710442768167822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934655342068526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188526491085373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558554565654794,0.149334885218844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945715285070884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26019817046312005,0.0,0.0,0.14085103087717735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184889884383886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108742898371147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245687878460032,0.0,0.15576479563915435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547173976435457,0.0,0.0,0.08688178425823744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826747598724086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134005534204771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594966373582492 bpd,Aesirian14,2020/01/21,She has decided My wife is divorcing me and it’s all because I can’t treat someone with the most basic compassion. Two years of verbal abuse and empty threats and she has had enough. All she did was love me and make sure I felt good and always supported me. Now I’m going to lose my best friend,0.9950117096018758,3.359428360655741,2.510210772833726,92.58672131147543,85.0655737704918,6.108665105386418,20.18969555035129,7.447530270364453,0.6589138173302103,234,7,50,4,7,76,48,61,0.14300000000000002,0.546,0.311,0.9271,0,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,1,9,1,0,1,0,7,1,0,1,3,13,13,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,4,1,10,7,3,9,5,3,0,1,0,1,7,0,0,1,2,34,11,0,0.0,0.31715200320363784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22272767416159311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16317265792822852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28090919430374245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276580612810346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25701070536094794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20680562704806893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212630216744982,0.22451372647137088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994607049967362,0.0,0.0,0.2415878228399503,0.0,0.17867564736047745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268008015686209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037552786877279,0.25228123460963064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614803212827348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237441240402912 bpd,thisisvunfortunate,2020/01/21,misdiagnosed i think i was misdiagnosed with bipolar 2. I take prozac and zyprexa and it hasn’t helped me at all.,1.718939393939397,4.4857687727272735,2.824545454545458,87.87348484848488,88.54545454545455,6.56969696969697,25.51515151515152,7.793537801064563,1.6443151515151515,91,4,19,2,3,29,18,22,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,5,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5614656690378361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6298158791596914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5367385404926688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,stripedyellowsock,2020/01/21,"Tips for Devaluation What am I supposed to do when devaluating my SO? I really don’t want to mess up my relationship, but lately it’s been harder and hardest to control my “fuck everything up and ruin my life” urges... So, does anyone have any ideas on how to snap myself out of it? *I know there’s not an easy fix, but does anyone have like a coping strategy I guess? To like get over the whole splitting thing.* Really appreciate any input and responses, thank you!",2.171666666666667,4.757782833333336,4.440000000000005,79.26000000000003,81.77777777777777,7.6,21.22222222222221,8.548686976883017,1.6430222222222226,365,11,69,9,10,126,66,90,0.141,0.7040000000000001,0.155,-0.2848,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,1,5,6,1,0,3,0,6,2,0,2,0,13,12,9,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,10,3,12,11,1,7,0,1,0,1,2,5,1,1,4,47,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950006657486273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30332488697791665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24327326960374224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37962360694537695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19493691711668176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005217717192021,0.113321985439168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389412534572227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448551846629736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920329092021742,0.0,0.24467413222206494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320381416111956,0.2119340539664763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27790507445774515,0.0,0.0,0.23287084053973775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19969359033965764,0.0,0.0,0.14409959657203342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793401600996746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24216257353694676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PotentialRemote,2020/01/21,"Are there some people who actually go out of their way to be offended? I know this might sound crazy but is it possible? Sort of like those people you meet who are constantly moaning about something....but the thing is.....they are NOT happy unless they are UNHAPPY? i.e. their sole purpose for exiting is to constantly find something to moan about? Im not exaggerating here but I genuinely had an interaction with someone and they freely admitted that although THEY themselves were not necessarily offended by something.....the next best option was that they went out of their way to be offended ON BEHALF OF SOMEONE ELSE???? What's worse is that the person that they were claiming to be offended on behalf of... was not actually present and as far as I was aware....was completely oblivious to the interaction that took place????? Therefore this person was going out of their way to be offended on behalf of someone who was completely unaware of what was going on???? Is this another example of ""Generation Snowflake""? Or is it people who have so much time on their hands that if they cannot find a way to be personally offended at something? They will not rest until they can find SOME way to take offence at something????.....even if it is on behalf of someone who is completely oblivious to any interaction that took place???",6.806701680672269,8.175359533613449,7.018813025210086,71.2351943277311,65.00840336134453,10.823949579831927,35.04306722689076,10.820120047756994,4.153780672268908,1051,48,177,29,16,339,112,238,0.147,0.7909999999999999,0.062,-0.9599,0,0,5,0,0,0,56.0,0,1,13,1,5,9,6,0,5,0,30,1,1,1,0,28,39,13,0,2,11,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,3,22,6,0,0,5,0,0,6,6,6,0,0,12,2,17,3,40,20,5,32,0,0,0,0,27,15,0,8,7,135,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.20254709263842466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057342689975883,0.10882155862440276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890988649665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32643160639637103,0.22429693257245525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866942198807769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854519464495556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845569750711665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769403633435075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047490720050697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209936391413937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05703434408610514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050701283765635895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100933500773992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628966613202008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037037556546872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158423279685644,0.2718480303066392,0.21685438880910604,0.0,0.0,0.11699547504624375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517271781354245,0.15978862423651705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802905636311376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689463009797188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051449651648205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23060505919574764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41187556314282586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620437469471574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575988912685376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thirdeyeblond3,2020/01/21,"I’m tired of the toxic cycle. I feel myself growing. I just ended a relationship with a person that demonstrates serious narcissistic traits and behavior. I’ve ended things many times before in the heat of the moment. He has too. I have always ended up falling for the “I’ve changed” and lovebombing over and over again, just to find gaslighting waiting for me around the corner. This cycle has gone on for over 3 years. This most recent round, I remained calm. I’ve done a lot of DBT therapy in the last 8 months, following my diagnosis, and I can feel new, healthy habits beginning to form, even in times of emotional distress. I can feel myself growing, and I’m beginning to realize that my growth is not going to fix a toxic relationship if my partner refuses to work on himself. I feel okay, which is new for this broken record of a situation. Maybe I’ll be a sobbing mess tomorrow. I am praying I don’t go back this time. It feels.... different, so maybe I really am growing. I could use kind words of encouragement. I want more than anything to remain strong and fully move forward with this painful step that I KNOW is vital to my personal progress.",4.689943593875906,6.468967255707764,5.5985012087026576,77.86900080580179,70.50684931506851,8.805909213000268,30.23395111469245,9.325443323948027,2.8477878592532906,915,38,164,20,17,300,133,219,0.095,0.7509999999999999,0.154,0.8481,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,3,8,11,0,1,12,1,14,2,0,1,0,29,31,8,0,3,4,0,6,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,11,9,0,2,8,0,0,12,2,5,0,0,2,6,21,6,30,27,4,41,1,1,1,0,9,12,1,3,19,107,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963600980162062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842837554954586,0.1172955487461891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131635556059462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211921584661416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393860518872478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520072741432553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376625811154602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483762165861593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821379959543216,0.3501043782457375,0.0,0.0,0.0870271380690633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33311252242576694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042749938589058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976603889298684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720918433421234,0.07241259964567358,0.10740309739047932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201879960767597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358534205292275,0.2647439995846414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517066344821882,0.14004147742916392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545118922844377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020338086982154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230097881063156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440970354450472,0.0,0.13009845086865565,0.2829247886527187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810529341114986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068060253576188,0.0,0.0875363953052069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304933323538517,0.1514403047217772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379951324435285,0.0,0.0,0.07771626614397224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592384206175722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484999827262397 bpd,b-aquinas,2020/01/21,"I can barely start a job, nevermind hold one down (Sorry if this is the wrong flair, I'm new to this subreddit) I've always had difficulty with the idea of working 9-5 everyday for the rest of my life, the thought fills me with dread. However, today I started a job and had multiple panic attacks on the way in to work, then in work I had another panic attack but had to pretend like I wasn't. It's a vegetable packing factory so it's very loud and has strong smells, two things that overwhelm me quickly. I don't think I can go back tomorrow, I've been crying all day since I came home, been getting physically sick at the thought of returning, but I'm afraid of starting a pattern where anxiety will overwhelm me and I won't be able to go anywhere or have a job. Does it make me weak if I quit and enrol myself back in therapy tomorrow? Or should I try stick it out? I feel so guilty and like everyone will be so disappointed in me but I don't know if I can face going back. Do other people with BPD experience anything like this?",5.509676145339654,5.172046725118488,6.702571090047396,78.32630529225911,67.5308056872038,10.25608214849921,33.22314375987361,9.928628108626363,3.0643172195892565,813,33,167,17,12,276,127,211,0.204,0.732,0.064,-0.9799,4,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,5,8,15,2,6,11,0,22,5,1,1,1,28,38,17,0,4,8,0,1,3,0,4,3,1,1,0,10,10,1,1,6,1,0,5,4,11,0,2,10,3,20,4,20,22,2,30,0,3,0,0,0,9,0,5,18,109,30,6,0.12046797582770555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023900637698507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632117645165936,0.0921576717728448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913487956943504,0.0,0.0,0.27409942765134776,0.0,0.277897312101408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172519837357934,0.0,0.0,0.1377832713119487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323284147063836,0.07769187834188633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542233746618833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511231344506055,0.0,0.11784079635169666,0.0,0.0,0.060912228236158335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293954523763548,0.0,0.20539418054543235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208392021135531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359936812970646,0.0,0.0,0.35863763248615804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620604900516405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509009398841039,0.17656370375074734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041330931415643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634872173787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163221815657276,0.0,0.0,0.2826864267168177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351732610618877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281325209890151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965235448639076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348540360806687,0.2558035600083563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776562924717936,0.0,0.08003357020283693,0.07719101462672702,0.0,0.19127623280743666,0.0,0.0,0.1141895551339768,0.0,0.0,0.0817898478613949,0.0,0.11767970770215075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993986964849148,0.0,0.09562187188931567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631063635077111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171282018792668,0.0,0.0 bpd,binsunited,2020/01/21,"Does anyone else have problems sleeping in bed? Anyone else need the TV to sleep? I’m not sure if it’s a BPD thing or because of my personal association with being in bed and how I feel there, but I find the thought of sleeping in bed difficult and instead choose to sleep on the sofa, usually about half the nights of the week. When i’ve been drinking I find sleeping in bed fine, but when i’m sober the sofa feels more safe. I think I associate bed with all the dark times i’ve spent in there, on my worst days lying in bed not able to leave. I also think I going to bed stops my disassociation and when i snap out of that disassociation it makes me think of everything that’s happened that day, that week, that month, every past trauma, scared about future and think of every possible scenario- I get an intense fear of lying in bed trapped with my thoughts. When I sleep on the sofa I have the TV there to distract me and I fall asleep with a show on in the background that i’ve seen before so I don’t listen to the storyline. In bed i play netflix on my phone, but it isn’t the same. Anyone else like this?",4.312701908957415,4.934615718061675,5.230942731277533,84.51343318649047,70.23348017621146,7.991659324522763,26.587077826725405,8.021203637495839,1.3847206461086636,876,26,187,11,15,287,113,227,0.17800000000000002,0.758,0.064,-0.9843,0,1,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,13,12,0,3,15,0,6,8,7,2,2,37,24,17,0,3,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,12,1,11,10,1,2,11,6,1,2,4,7,0,1,5,4,21,5,34,18,4,32,0,0,1,0,3,15,0,2,16,115,32,0,0.10074390544173173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056486478398234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113274432920004,0.30967210946699497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06141254968615607,0.0,0.0857256433916665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688342219626214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299429693491281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816167055325788,0.0,0.0,0.09869067372752764,0.0,0.0,0.25247581746291464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976217076734398,0.0,0.09054212620650576,0.0,0.0,0.11336490209486758,0.10187829121401112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841562088880192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05263453254194776,0.0,0.057255083106748116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908750287026633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667324959118564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04921838342760732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724733917160229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041282417066822,0.0,0.0,0.07470032936365335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454133067774846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617145715464323,0.0,0.08796569235813953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357361633560738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639831174611782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086222426357518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6048999689124176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422641596275943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494993862368437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066929774268063,0.2582105069858027,0.0,0.1599588154345938,0.05874458142410046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095517885231322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162136833331608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tupperware690,2020/01/21,My bf won’t talk to me and I need support getting through tonight Is anyone about just to chat I’m upset and I am feeling really guilty and scared,-0.4016129032258071,1.80842238709678,1.2925161290322578,96.83877419354843,99.32258064516131,3.7703225806451615,22.32903225806452,5.6839178017228535,0.2406722580645169,118,5,25,1,5,38,26,31,0.253,0.628,0.12,-0.6865,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,8,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,4,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154307311676613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280977571143779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356894423044835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344967289991472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889964015309826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516457207504646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5119209853404021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625898781096151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AncestralOak,2020/01/21,"Emotional self-harm, instead of physical? I've never done any physical self harm to myself, but I feel like I replace it with emotional self harm. I'll get into a bad place where others would start to self-harm, but instead I'll purposely do and think thinks that would make me unhappy or mad. Like I torture myself in my own mind. Some examples: I'll go out of my way to avoid being with friends; I'll brood on how my exes have cheated on me or broke my heart; fantasizing about being in a relationship with someone I deeply care about but them betraying me in some way (usually cheating); etc... I've been dealing with this lately and just wanted to vent it out, but also see if anyone can relate.",8.929805352798057,6.551562576642341,8.990912408759122,71.27084549878349,61.91970802919708,12.345012165450122,37.43187347931873,10.864195022040775,3.883609245742091,551,20,105,11,6,182,85,137,0.245,0.643,0.11199999999999999,-0.9781,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,0,8,13,4,1,2,0,9,1,1,2,1,30,19,11,0,4,8,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,9,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,9,0,0,2,2,14,4,20,13,4,17,0,1,1,0,6,10,0,5,6,70,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465782861652946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750067584061596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002519143628846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971306850724225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618150635510413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478144805541867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672354637025184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225576664754534,0.0,0.0,0.1599022697345719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249527250546177,0.10242792632181638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077203199815198,0.0,0.07490810327414141,0.0,0.08148395114769505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990138845840833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16173450450918905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009265669238016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570467114081432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447690057940275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058049995201233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979752575940022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393229217688567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425220193377986,0.0,0.5982902349850087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148211829229524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014823532574079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837392524417883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579085363709842,0.0,0.08456694829702466,0.2276105754405249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037005590918124,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,IDKpineapple,2020/01/21,"It’s not that I think everyone hates me, it’s that i dont know I don't just think people hate me for the smallest reasons. I know that’s stupid and doesn't make sense. But it’s all those small things that add up. I don't think I’m a horrible person, but I think that I'm just not someone people want to be around. Or that I'm not someone that somebody else would actively try to hang out with. So when someone changes their tone of voice or eats somewhere else during lunch, I don't think they hate me, I just don't know. And I start to feel like I did something wrong that offended them and I think about all the mistakes I’ve made around them and all the awkward moments between us that happened because I can't function and talk like a normal human and I think its not just one thing that makes them leave, it's little things over time that I think annoy them and that's honestly scarier to me than being someone that they hate, because at least then you’re significant in their lives. But instead, I end up feeling like I'm just someone they’d rather forget and I hate that feeling because if it not good enough for my friends than how can I be good enough for anyone? If my fp changes her tone of voice then I freak out because I think she knows that I'm too attached to her and it's making her uncomfortable because it has to be that and not that she's just having a bad day or is literally just talking differently for whatever reason. It shouldn't matter, but it could matter and I just don't know. I don't know if my fp is uncomfortable talking to me. I don't know if my friend is just busy or if she’s ignoring my text. I don't know if the people I sit with at lunch leave me because they want to talk to someone else or because I annoyed them enough to leave. I thought it was smart to just assume it was because of me--because if it is, then I was right, and if it isn’t, then I'm pleasantly surprised--but now I just go with the worst option, that they’re tired of me and have moved on to better people.",5.558985507246376,4.803201810874704,5.809559050262103,86.16782608695652,67.53427895981089,8.585836159934217,30.68444855586391,7.423996415210882,1.6525319971220065,1598,52,354,13,23,510,167,423,0.19399999999999998,0.7070000000000001,0.099,-0.99,1,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,11,1,21,27,9,1,8,0,32,4,0,7,3,100,73,37,0,16,35,0,3,3,2,2,1,2,0,2,36,21,3,1,24,0,0,3,19,16,0,1,6,5,58,11,38,59,8,29,0,0,0,0,26,14,0,15,14,238,94,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045817827384267235,0.0,0.0,0.1166654004938872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05471209944831183,0.35950048908329724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057953085667587875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386372265658192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05231777815626317,0.0,0.0,0.04225933305224573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846150740813682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679686333663664,0.0,0.0,0.06705022433049751,0.16421757500610631,0.0,0.058037251398012364,0.20311994840053024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261361800113233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993968814343274,0.09362464701779068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125160947499774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03724036226140482,0.1099214585160775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05794508888699245,0.0,0.0,0.3234704993929955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880943063490463,0.0,0.0,0.20815010176321624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603918094123554,0.06567501829797273,0.05786132102273268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06200299550666661,0.1312188439512125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964456547870446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420230264992209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04440262185053037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817119922895022,0.0572154308794691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474482555142914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559594867261651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331236173332677,0.050445693730155866,0.0,0.0,0.04638017112836863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21067167913551788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059918375297672,0.377882061656071,0.0,0.05202092033106647,0.03820917505349414,0.07531336009822999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04448836216647037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788206125178179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729875013582413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04654832336050984,0.0716432148940757,0.0,0.0 bpd,fruit2go10,2020/01/22,I was diagnosed with “borderline personality disorder traits” What does that mean in comparison to being diagnosed with - borderline personality disorder,18.002857142857145,18.90936261904763,17.885714285714286,4.2342857142857335,41.857142857142854,25.542857142857148,63.85714285714285,20.267338824336647,14.774771428571427,129,9,11,9,1,45,16,21,0.231,0.769,0.0,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5353722798322358,0.0,0.0,0.6045278230320902,0.0,0.2307968504248215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872854468578939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4605676052708863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hauntedbyclouds,2020/01/22,"How do you even get help with this disorder? I was diagnosed with various things when I was 16, but the psychiatrist was hesitant to diagnose me with BOD because of my age. He says I had “borderline tendencies.” This was after only seeing me one time for an hour session, so I didn’t put much stock in it. Over the years, I came to realize that my behavior was not normal in a variety of ways, but I couldn’t find anyone that could relate to me on any of it. I thought it was because of anxiety for a long time, but I never knew why I was constantly irritable and would blow up with very little provocation. When I read the symptoms of BPD in the DSM, it didn’t sound like me, but then I found a Facebook group and this sub and it’s like people are speaking things that I’ve never been able to put to words that I have felt for years. I finally started seeing a therapist again after a decade of not getting help. She doesn’t believe I have BPD and tells me my reactions are normal when you take into account the stuff I’m dealing with, but I really don’t agree with her. She got me to go on meds for anxiety and while they did alleviate some of the constant relentless thoughts about what people think about me, how I’ve embarrassed myself throughout the day, etc, I still feel angry a lot and it really affects my relationships. The reason the therapist thinks I don’t have BPD is probably due to the fact that I’ve become really good at hiding my inappropriate emotional responses and I’m embarrassed about the way that I act when I get upset, so I don’t want to talk about it and have a hard time being honest about my actions and motivations. I’m about ready to give up on ever feeling better and stop going to therapy. TL;DR How are you able to make yourself be honest enough with a therapist that they can help you? I can’t help but try to portray myself in the best possible light and I’m good at manipulation/lying and I think it’s stopping me from getting an accurate diagnosis/the right medication.",7.957218045112783,6.36862777944862,8.569924812030077,71.02375939849625,63.185463659147864,12.410025062656644,35.78696741854637,11.418023490513045,3.9615132832080207,1600,59,309,40,19,540,198,399,0.08800000000000001,0.767,0.145,0.9794,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,4,2,3,19,11,0,3,22,0,32,4,0,8,4,64,61,29,0,6,8,0,4,2,0,1,4,3,0,0,22,21,0,2,14,1,1,7,12,3,0,1,19,10,47,8,52,37,7,53,0,0,2,0,22,15,0,2,31,220,69,4,0.16730926058131046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688801723715095,0.0,0.12799112639911814,0.0,0.0,0.05849326256626214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199017234195423,0.09238996674552104,0.0,0.09425012156021932,0.08779037340949576,0.07398572237066181,0.0,0.0,0.31608023514575506,0.0,0.0,0.09567861120471556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18080187298465344,0.0,0.06679141524786854,0.0,0.0,0.053950315962579175,0.08624425056717602,0.0,0.1698153776577624,0.0,0.0,0.0958754538103731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410019947157558,0.0,0.08643759538248745,0.0932970258769277,0.055253094341369234,0.07567040241586649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459658923071135,0.0,0.08032156387689626,0.09163955847738836,0.07645881655424884,0.0,0.0,0.09172298425542988,0.0,0.0,0.17482436643732374,0.08024914406730284,0.09508570843178184,0.14033106984150034,0.06690624983934937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749381172964836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22428774127960135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823829598942581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173885360284333,0.08384391641115849,0.0,0.07403171534953452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112017515522641,0.0,0.0,0.0558401153078624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292143566647226,0.08427323910436661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061495778688758565,0.0,0.12903921604905064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639275522501112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05668654248379655,0.06362311595805642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599117508655787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943080263135433,0.0,0.0,0.09019384032704894,0.0,0.0,0.16819201801206854,0.0,0.0,0.08367726842166849,0.0,0.16077389479027804,0.08601089259779382,0.0,0.08981376606073696,0.0,0.07144059718708519,0.0,0.06652551965813124,0.0,0.0,0.13332381908031418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592111778877449,0.0,0.06680669581120847,0.1398780334587447,0.0,0.0,0.09576453748785548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694919165785106,0.06289787103137838,0.06723842304655285,0.0731178341011177,0.0,0.0956663603106858,0.2913884203425512,0.11115283842296864,0.1608075277929835,0.0,0.1328248642758005,0.1463390629655922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05679600273320407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902383101141353,0.04934166836216261,0.1328023034443884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548529219193095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059425849189883424,0.0,0.0,0.10774167836478342 bpd,adnilbz,2020/01/22,"cant deal with loneliness anymore my mum moved to another country, we're really close so i moved here too. i was a loner in my own city and had almost no friends... imagine how i feel here. im using some apps to ""meet"" new people, but all they want is sex, i had already done it with one of those guys tho, but i wish i had friends here :(",1.382083333333334,2.7213908194444443,3.184444444444445,93.605,78.30555555555556,6.466666666666668,23.11111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.6083444444444437,257,8,61,3,6,86,56,72,0.094,0.759,0.147,0.5944,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,2,1,15,11,6,0,2,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,5,1,9,2,6,6,3,5,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,2,1,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215851073354528,0.0,0.2441936592195824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23203676789248415,0.0,0.0,0.2194554019464691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281352670638949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22645153106950516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188841777812487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419287069624376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191070831509072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390259284487713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4703821765317132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137185711756624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994854060905544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341125658466798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417609296993613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191119315901264,0.0,0.0,0.1305197113448427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544669950659472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cuckoosnest2357,2020/01/22,"the endless cycle me: god my FP is such a dick, he's toxic and abusive and i don't even like him him: i'm the worst person ever and our relationship is abusive me: nooooo don't say that bby you're perfect in every way and can do no wrong:(((((( 🤡🤡🤡🤡 why am i like this lmao",0.4204761904761902,1.2638405714285703,3.3716190476190446,93.33171428571433,79.79365079365078,5.674920634920635,20.536507936507935,5.6839178017228535,-0.1827244444444447,208,5,53,1,5,75,46,63,0.298,0.563,0.14,-0.8956,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,3,0,7,1,1,0,2,6,8,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,8,3,1,8,1,3,0,0,0,1,7,1,1,0,3,30,10,0,0.0,0.6397146860386711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830541361588675,0.2441934259442837,0.2274521519654049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26377672189901513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357178390868504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28983500194431544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21468228051390156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142809369055092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435960629289305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29515785410481343,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdbullshit,2020/01/22,"I messed up my friends life over something stupid and my symptoms are horrible. I just need to get this out. I have had a firm grip on my BPD for 3 years now. I have a great life, I cut out toxic people and despite the occasional splits and drug use at parties, I've been okay. Then I found out my friend cheated on her S/O drunkenly. The next day and asked a close friend for advice about it, and she basically said it's not my business, don't sweat it. So I let it go and never told anyone else I knew. I went on like nothing had happened. Long story short, it got found out and I'm apparently the only one who knew about this so all fingers are pointed at me. I have been insanely split the past day and a half. I don't know who to trust. I'm paranoid everyone hates me or rather me dead. I've been having anxiety attacks like clockwork. I don't know how to feel or act and I feel crazy. I'm splitting on the friend, and on anyone who is involved. I keep going through phases of wanted to cry and apologize, and I also want to scream and be pissed I'm involved in this. My mind was ripped from my happy place and suddenly I'm thinking of getting bullets for the shotgun as a last resort. I've kept a good grip on not doing anything stupid and have buried myself in work. I haven't eaten though, and I had to smoke 2 bowls to sleep last night. I want it to be over. I don't want to be involved in this. I know this is going to lead me to dark places again. These thoughts are so unreasonable, yet I can't shake them.",2.171480588377144,3.592909018808776,3.4733699059561154,92.01307873161323,76.36677115987462,6.2870026525198925,23.55449722691102,6.844919456158928,0.5703965758379548,1183,36,267,11,26,386,170,319,0.134,0.735,0.131,-0.6348,1,0,3,1,0,0,33.0,0,0,1,2,13,21,7,1,12,1,28,9,4,3,2,51,65,26,1,6,6,0,5,2,4,0,4,2,0,0,15,21,1,2,11,0,0,7,9,10,0,2,18,7,36,11,39,43,1,45,0,0,0,0,17,23,1,2,17,166,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020891540156942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019143846268173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627764753080415,0.0,0.0,0.1577190929590418,0.1155581202777377,0.09280968185245213,0.0,0.10543561098687024,0.12830539960682066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204453015136026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388533805941453,0.14546965795988162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079089906659236,0.0,0.0942145901735112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776769220416473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405157393795427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24731849867110794,0.34853926776378,0.0,0.11784750624227253,0.0,0.1922892188255,0.09459589052799404,0.09020178200864837,0.1243421586000244,0.0,0.0,0.09973243366648192,0.1200581552111104,0.0,0.11134852234567047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100245505526587,0.0,0.0,0.18594552305599216,0.1838641821987541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532687026566645,0.15932201836848656,0.11019882704566476,0.0,0.0,0.0998082042517593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387730811686865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362615858673288,0.08698415517662,0.0,0.1199445558827026,0.10583793109893568,0.0,0.108217027359291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642375951760748,0.08577552097359298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076628389197513,0.07818859011831296,0.0,0.23566562334921484,0.0,0.10661510605905088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728116839967244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128630916808978,0.0,0.0,0.08682481812245199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722330949024445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226592235235152,0.11080739076684676,0.08953602601776442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776769220416473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740712766047276,0.0,0.0,0.2660861383941584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045497121633518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210637869188145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262767983888997 bpd,bpdandmakeup101,2020/01/22,"Officially diagnosed, and going to therapy twice a week. I’ve been officially diagnosed with BPD as well as Anti Social Personality Disorder, and we are starting DBT. Anyone else have these two disorders as well? Have you had much luck with treatment? I know BPD can be easier to treat than ASPD, but I’m hoping to lessen the severity of my symptoms overtime.",6.0113846153846175,8.065973523076927,7.452307692307695,64.78769230769235,67.61538461538461,11.353846153846154,33.0,11.20814326018867,4.605676923076924,289,13,45,10,5,99,52,65,0.05,0.764,0.18600000000000005,0.8131,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,7,3,0,0,0,9,12,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,4,5,10,9,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,32,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577394142882156,0.1843048926893245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4530967070722673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651420424539583,0.0,0.0,0.4123084670938754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026386626888472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222804984992276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786581078505893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988555069100791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322300403086227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706135936795085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032094233853544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18336160015903344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273176241648074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869607209286629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057046345259731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757133575063309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428620484216576,0.0,0.3234614352435847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sheilabear820,2020/01/22,"symptoms only toward FP I fit almost all criteria for BPD, but my therapist feels as though it’s not a good fit because my symptoms are mainly showing up in only a single friendship of mine. I’ve noticed a lot of people mention a “fp” and was wondering if most of your issues stem from them or if you experience intense emotion not related to them?",9.158921568627447,6.932089205882356,9.908823529411766,64.39303921568629,61.352941176470594,12.007843137254904,43.25490196078432,10.504223727775694,4.795896078431373,278,14,46,5,3,96,54,68,0.045,0.807,0.14800000000000002,0.7344,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,13,4,7,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,8,1,10,3,5,5,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,7,0,38,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22472409512641806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680427749612184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28264898605419736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524421619327793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195257080673966,0.0,0.0,0.11347343574968133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882327500688722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342360514095176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079375892977246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555035238844324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413628670617899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555844895568952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46651637390090206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26056878096087577,0.0,0.0,0.22049139529826906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24337378966308865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lookin_4Answers,2020/01/22,"Why is my immediate mental response and to cut myself up when I experience mental pain/hurt . This is fucked up. Why am I such a sensitive snowflake, and why do I have such horrific responses to SMALL situations like this? Before I get into this, know that thankfully I have not cut or self harmed in almost 3 years. I AM safe. My issue is the images and fantasies that pop into my head, that’s what I’m venting about. So here’s what happened just now: My mom told me I have a black heart. That’s it. That was it. That’s all she said. And I feel like I’m dying, and I want to self destruct, I wanna slice myself up. I wanna smoke weed, or smoke cigarettes. I imagine burning myself with the cigarette I’m smoking in my imagination. I picture cuts on my leg. I think about where to cut. I picture myself going to the kitchen cabinet and grabbing exactly which knife. I think of all the graphics, the imagery, and I can’t stop. I don’t want to, I LITERALLY DON’T CHOOSE TO GO THERE!! My brain just takes me to these violent, disgusting pics and videos in my head. I don’t go like, ugh I’m hurt, I’m gonna think of self harm to feel better. It literally pops into my head, without warning, without my say so. It’s graphic, it’s unpleasant. I know I’m blessed. Thankfully I have self control, and I am very very grateful. I have weed in my room, but I don’t abuse it. I don’t allow myself to use it for escapism. I didn’t let myself use it today. I have cigarettes, but I didn’t smoke them because my family is home, and the smell would get me in trouble, and I know would give me anxiety, so I did t do it for myself. And of course, there’s an array of sharp objects I could cut myself with, but I haven’t picked a single one up, because I don’t give myself permission! And that’s great! It’s been almost 3 years since I last cut myself! I’m so, so proud of myself! But I’m TIREDDD of my brain suddenly making me crave and desire hurting myself at the SMALLEST of things. It’s like a virus I can’t get rid of. I just wanna get rid of the thoughts. I’ve thankfully gotten rid of the actions, but the thoughts and images and imagination still really fuck me over. Why does my brain go immediately to these disturbing actions, and how can I train it to stop doing so!! It’s not even that I did something bad and want to hurt myself/punish myself. It’s someone else hurt me and I want to hurt myself. Like how the fuck does that even make sense?!!!!!???!? IT DOESN’T!!!!!",1.1460860287511208,3.335604763888892,3.1496316262354007,89.41863881401619,82.71031746031746,6.025995807127882,22.009433962264147,7.281374121172456,0.7965249775381849,1907,63,403,28,53,642,202,504,0.17300000000000001,0.725,0.10099999999999999,-0.9912,0,0,7,0,1,8,87.0,0,0,1,3,24,36,12,1,16,0,37,12,8,9,3,80,85,35,1,11,14,1,4,5,0,3,0,2,3,4,33,24,1,4,14,2,0,6,16,23,0,1,11,8,77,13,50,69,3,34,1,5,1,3,12,18,3,4,15,267,110,0,0.0,0.08305334114963399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038380083642396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362392177304414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05852796732794027,0.08546081556044384,0.0,0.059647282486523234,0.0,0.0,0.061994994502273026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234753903441748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861961201886138,0.055966655300680096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274949516226849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226845051240564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058556949081626064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259665703514353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856819973503919,0.06608110053951591,0.0,0.07088617798437112,0.0500772254857812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944103096847906,0.14649090782471064,0.13448663028090818,0.15935069044647412,0.0,0.0,0.07728205829300744,0.0,0.0,0.06198643999023388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158188672484506,0.0,0.0,0.08306514097969038,0.0,0.0,0.07031288656278317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4502409625750978,0.0,0.0,0.07316293157457339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557023710970166,0.05713831337120389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167880959257845,0.0,0.17122897558339556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358042418438188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412823373061577,0.0,0.0,0.0820966193307928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047499460396285616,0.0,0.07458802312485492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04490585662684868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667818544694146,0.05574385291265503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925053359876904,0.0,0.0,0.057984863969322564,0.07879183070571788,0.0,0.0,0.059392859434643036,0.05396400328711833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05597945937165348,0.1172082617754141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270413052480007,0.0,0.0,0.19360736944996226,0.0,0.0,0.04656925272974356,0.13474575204530714,0.0,0.11129818655131092,0.0,0.0,0.06644364656798299,0.06698057332119944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108239719765647,0.0,0.11567453522019665,0.16537982523277958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530061273712409,0.0,0.0,0.13514178291442275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958962555944766,0.0,0.0,0.09028018574214902 bpd,shonuph,2020/01/22,"Emotional Fallout from Maladaptive Daydreaming I have anxiety-based fantasies about situations that are worrying me, imagining how people will act or react, or have already reacted (often irrationally negative), then I find when I actually am dealing with the situation, I’m feeling the emotions from those fantasies/daydreams and they sometimes affect how I am seeing the situation or the person, which I believe comes through somehow in a detectable way as just kind of vaguely “ikky” somehow to the person the anxiety is centered around. I want this to stop. It destroys spontaneity and can infect/poison relationships. Anyone have any tips?",9.754571428571431,11.793961409523812,9.252380952380953,55.44428571428575,58.714285714285715,12.095238095238097,46.42857142857143,11.765960540728905,6.695857142857142,528,33,63,16,7,169,80,105,0.121,0.836,0.043,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,9,2,1,0,7,0,9,0,0,5,0,22,14,10,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,3,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,8,1,11,13,0,9,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,6,3,54,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.16451389270231756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860368930722907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464305934371348,0.0,0.12896647670170844,0.0,0.0,0.11787801539358493,0.0,0.0,0.15007570917733432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18993670027444906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14522038913979632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380294156868434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37926914229768616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524125352288256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408293467212852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755545360818266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168750803298456,0.2944024990707672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18099637520253173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433980691432215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5684872234075543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673411698510746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094396737227466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943534840703007,0.13381431709325076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712054717415968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bleachinmynose,2020/01/22,"I am just over myself I went to a psychologist on november 2018 (i am 18 now) after a really intense fight with my mother in front of my whole family. She made me take some tests and then she didn’t tell me the results. I always suspected that i had some tendency to BPD because i was alway interested in psychology and so i was aware of the symptoms . But i never was sure. I went for months to this lady and i felt like it was useless because she always made me talk about stupid stuff like school so it was a waste of time for me. Then two major thing happened during the time i was seeing the psych that were the loss of my grandpa in december and the loss of my grandma in february of this year. That two events were so shocking and heartbreaking to me that i din’t even feel like talking to her. She was very upset because everytime she tried to touch that subject i would say like ‘no please i don’t wanna cry let’s talk about something else’. And so that’s why i never processed my grief and that’s ehy everytime i go to someone’s grandma’s house i cry. And so i decided to stop going in march and she printed the results ofmy test. She diagnosed me BPD but she said i didn’t tick all the boxes because not everyone shows the same symptoms. She wrote that i was unaware of who i was, that i had issues with abandonment (i have a FP which is my bf), that i was dangerous to myself (self harm at 12) and other stuff i don’t remember. Then she also said i had paranoid disorder and avoidant personality disorder. Of course when my parents read that they were like ‘oh yeah this is bullshit they only write this because they want you to go even more’ . Also i have problems with food, i think i have a binge-eating disorder but wasn’t diagnosed, i just remember the psychologists saying ‘you eat like a bulimic person but without the purging part’. Also my sister recently told me that she tried ti kill herself more than one time seven/eight years ago and this broke me even more. And i don’t know how to cope with all this shit that’s happened in my life, i won’t talk with no one because i have this thing that i can’t cry in front of nobody (one of the reasons that i dind’t talke about my grandparents death with the psych). I know i can talk to my boyfriend because he loves me and want to be with me no matter what but i feel like he can’t understand me 100% because i feel like no one can. I know that it’s a common thing to feel misunderstood when you are a teenager but i feel like people think that i’m always exaggerating. Even my friends take for granted when i say that i want to be thin but i can’t because i need food so hard that even if i diet for some time, the first tiny bad thing that happen i go to the store and buy me all the sugary things that exist. They say like ‘no this is bullshit, you have to have a moderate diet, you have to eat everything but in normal doses and you have to go to the gym’ and it’s so frustrating because i know that i need to eat in certain situations otherwise i won’t feel ok. And also going to the gym alone is terrifying for me and i can’t seem to find someone to go with. Sorry for the long post but i needed to teel a bit of my story, so even if no one read this at least i took some things off my chest",3.251188707280832,4.41086585884101,4.510217236255574,86.70029167904906,73.17533432392274,7.642543833580983,25.495661218424964,8.109356740369918,1.366462965824666,2565,81,548,38,50,847,264,673,0.18600000000000005,0.732,0.08199999999999999,-0.9977,2,2,1,0,1,0,42.0,0,6,4,3,28,35,6,2,29,2,49,16,2,6,7,96,94,49,3,12,15,4,10,10,2,3,6,6,0,3,47,27,7,3,21,5,2,12,22,19,0,8,29,17,105,16,71,59,16,53,0,7,1,1,53,15,1,7,35,390,152,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046692647557193684,0.0,0.0,0.054554757754384266,0.0,0.1684946868756391,0.17531716974968228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04398089567113474,0.3210980480557075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575067654849913,0.0,0.1326830408639825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358095402902962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692674606516016,0.0,0.0,0.1811081619025887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169708075953476,0.04400267403698981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20874553304097185,0.0,0.0,0.05033261433335575,0.047340323989636085,0.0,0.04965670467210627,0.0,0.15980245380747093,0.15052231130799065,0.05057565211514777,0.0,0.04814341654390875,0.044804789086834336,0.12738810568905076,0.0,0.04069608475782735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20955239384389085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397393045427402,0.0,0.04718588592672139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06077914654257543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05497835321267978,0.0,0.0,0.058276381981315524,0.0,0.1157938167128432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05386310836421916,0.03720546270101418,0.2573403470109415,0.0,0.0,0.04661515663146454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047540672152350895,0.09968351805811326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04204417665737944,0.0,0.0,0.11717212558524312,0.0812514371621366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051609695171000565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17846756922369214,0.040061229187569804,0.0,0.0,0.058488650212280426,0.0570412056498145,0.0,0.03651777328810415,0.09198644985891127,0.0,0.057820636408871015,0.0,0.0,0.0504474823990782,0.0,0.0,0.05040225474390565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537724151203808,0.0,0.03374454787165545,0.05415802148482087,0.05200958206245675,0.0,0.1193395775830419,0.0,0.10021076936606847,0.16755508118172271,0.0,0.05330927087051216,0.04197465018736029,0.047952764790902526,0.054950851928798575,0.0,0.054069480081027715,0.0,0.05920819471807619,0.0,0.0,0.08926163930379345,0.04055130063323606,0.0,0.058964640586293374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044038128849202864,0.0,0.0,0.12059909441944895,0.0,0.0,0.049644966885240865,0.10949767053142964,0.0792091361403743,0.25402596229218216,0.04603971788421449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20996705055346787,0.06750321408598517,0.0,0.0,0.12285938639919634,0.0,0.0,0.05033261433335575,0.0585231591277126,0.071524874196125,0.0,0.10291040402834596,0.054835873005017216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043461868723551234,0.09320611801173603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976593306092524,0.04753042263420758,0.05880904889114045,0.0,0.050776209447589725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037418358535462784,0.0,0.0,0.06784112983197048 bpd,LovelleLatte,2020/01/22,"New to lithium Hello. I have been prescribed to try lithium along with my current medication fluxamine (ssri) and I was wondering if any of you had a similar combination of meds and if it helped you? I'm really nervous adding it or making things worse",3.5129787234042524,6.3224620000000025,5.399404255319152,73.09400000000002,77.93617021276594,8.866382978723406,30.676595744680853,9.3871,3.6305097872340415,202,10,33,6,5,69,38,47,0.11800000000000001,0.882,0.0,-0.6697,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,9,7,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,5,0,6,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,4,2,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394422022500225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23600730574680434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350315731250011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911072010026728,0.3547068599310324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34006339664870017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255662809294139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23392167376292125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23905491233319984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818408243232943,0.0,0.0,0.3588231700611752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,amotheronion,2020/01/22,Going to see my psychiatrist but it feels pointless I’m starting to wonder if I should have just gone to psych hospital. My medicine helps my anxiety but I’m still so depressed it’s hard to get out of bed or do life. And my social anxiety still is so high I can’t talk on the phone or hardly socialize. I feel such a void inside myself and I really feel like I don’t even know who I am or what I need. I wish I could just be a minor and have someone take care of me,1.0910784313725514,2.6291969313725505,3.4064705882352966,90.82578431372549,79.68627450980392,6.886274509803924,21.13725490196079,7.793537801064563,0.7047372549019615,365,10,85,6,9,126,69,102,0.114,0.7440000000000001,0.142,0.6072,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,3,0,10,1,0,0,0,21,26,11,0,5,8,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,6,15,2,8,22,0,8,0,1,1,0,6,3,0,5,4,57,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29096748633463765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19389660504658654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183966850016878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379788646421606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560912951563466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28847535309815303,0.13586142098930865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935885378039802,0.0,0.10808112385256127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407198019714951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747063435533762,0.20093086567320906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451548573548436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432658553273674,0.09291014712430147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410127295549863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183130021446813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154525785390816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38771996229383776,0.1611350908747933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346072034649186,0.0,0.30374881286526484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298831446120064,0.1528558696948482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21869244887360997,0.0,0.2062372261961828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jadedbroom,2020/01/22,"Always condescending, I think? Okay so I have BPA and Alexithymia, so emotions and intonations are absolute garbage. But I feel like my best friend talks to me in a condescending tone constantly. I wish I could give an example. They emphasize my name with a “uh” on the end. And twitch their head a little to the side. They talk to me like I’m a child, despite knowing for decades that I cannot stand being talked to that way. And by talking to me like a child it’s like instead of “Tommy take out the trash” it’s “well if there wasn’t all that trash it would be CLEAN.” Like an implied “understand?” follows. And I listen to how they talk to our mutual friends and kids and stuff and it sounds so different. Is it a BPD thing? Right now I’m feeling like I don’t even want to be around them because of the likelihood they will talk to me. I know they love me, I’m just wondering if they don’t realize they are doing it? But when I think that I think it’s probably not normal to speak to just one person differently than all the rest, and feel like it’s justifiable frustration and there is some validity to it being condescending? I don’t know what’s real half the time, so I’m not even saying it’s a real thing. If it’s a common misperception with BPD, I just want to find a way to fix it. That’s all.",1.5077028714107357,3.669576000000003,3.2044943820224714,89.70114856429464,81.13483146067415,6.951810237203495,21.873907615480647,8.045849151850463,1.0389465667915108,1020,32,224,20,27,338,133,267,0.012,0.805,0.183,0.9901,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,9,1,17,14,1,0,17,1,18,3,1,1,3,51,41,21,0,9,10,0,3,7,2,2,1,4,1,4,21,14,0,0,13,0,0,1,7,1,2,2,1,7,30,13,25,33,6,17,0,0,0,1,28,7,0,5,13,152,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438877968446805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028446255041124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06182411562581125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643304294661246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554675031389773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959797051120733,0.0,0.08097486423007402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21192265660832288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408278815407907,0.08982718146409131,0.0,0.0,0.13397266088703286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538415671055001,0.21736138310988148,0.0,0.0,0.0926951804613844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671222324897038,0.0,0.0,0.09729040058987022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408521157132224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16721178367222944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468375975995171,0.10164853855418032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153465833482144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936914225997567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872417756478412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855520839383274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934689656998743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308741799603851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661132027628715,0.0,0.08065250454959037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610055562316285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625450888000314,0.4891007765324434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347566295261945,0.19495570923130326,0.0,0.0,0.0591382675513988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558081475837318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963917463596367,0.16100345307765604,0.0,0.0,0.09118791191109754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166269100203106,0.0,0.10998464074231304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204518802378912,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lonelybutaesthetic_,2020/01/22,"i hate being like this i hate being so unstable, i hate having terrible relationships, i hate going between narcissism and self hatred, i just wish i could be mundane and milk-toast and pleasant",8.447714285714287,8.883825914285715,8.766428571428571,63.38107142857146,61.28571428571429,11.571428571428573,37.5,11.20814326018867,4.70757142857143,157,7,23,4,2,52,24,35,0.484,0.35,0.165,-0.9545,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,4,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,11,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17695308721949485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595712783607693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8752528185896591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827695772823914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379470942527164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312078591847191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548629377423451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nosedived,2020/01/22,"Just diagnosed with BPD after a particularly bad fight with my boyfriend. Is there hope to salvage a relationship? I have suffered from depression and anxiety since I was a child. I have been on medication before for it, but it never seemed to help. I saw a therapist for a while, saw a few of them, and that never seemed to help. And all other activities that they recommend for people with depression or anxiety were difficult to find the motivation for when I could barely leave the bed. After a bad break-up, I decided to try the medication once more. Was put on a different medication, and it seemed to be the 'cure'. I still had lows, but they were much less intense than before. I think what also helped me at that time was the fresh start in life. I had moved to a new city, made new friends, found work that I loved. And I started to date my current boyfriend, Thomas. I had the motivation to do activities, and always seemed to be surrounded by people who loved and supported me. However, around July of last year, I stopped the medication. Classic mistake, eh? This was also around the time that the problems in my relationship started up, and seemed to be when problems at work became unbearable. I didn't see friends as much as I used to, shut myself out from the world. I only ever really saw Thomas and started to see him as the 'answer' to all of life's problems. Bad day at work? Vent to Thomas for a few hours. Roommate problems? Vent to Thomas for a few hours. But because I saw him as the 'answer', I also saw him as the problem when it never improved. This was irrational, but I had to make it seem rational and would cling to any wrongdoings that he did. You didn't remember to pick up the drink I asked for? You must not love me, probably think that I am stupid, and don't want to be with me anymore. It seemed like every little problem escalated to the point where it was out of control, intense emotions, and often discussion of a break up. I'd say the break up discussions happened at least once a month since July. Every comment he makes is turned back around onto how horrible of a person I am, how much everyone hates me, how worthless I am. He would invite me to spend time with his friends, but I would say no because they hate me and probably don't even want me to be there. Which then means 40 minutes of his reassurance that they do like me, do want me to be there, and that they always ask where I am. Same for about every other event in life. Last week, I quit work. Quite impulsive and have no backup plan for that. This has made me more intense with Thomas. Want to know when we want to move out of this town, where we want to move to. I want that security, I suppose. And I have pushed and pushed him on this. When he doesn't provide me with the answers I want, which is always because it never seems to be enough, I say that he must not want to move in with me and that we may as well break up. This is what happened yesterday. Same problem. Fear of this sudden uncertainty. But I have never quite been this bad before. I screamed and screamed. I called him horrible names, which I never have before. I said he destroyed my life. I said it would be better if he walked away from me, and when he never responded to any of that, I went to his apartment and packed up all of my stuff. Sent about 30 texts to him in a row about how I must have never meant much to him. A real low point for me. And when he did finally respond to me, he told me that this is an unhealthy relationship and he doesn't see how this could continue anymore. Cue the fear of abandonment, pleads from me about how we can make it work. ""I'm not sure how either, but I want to make it work. Please don't give up on me."" And he says he doesn't see any way how it can... but that he will call me tomorrow (today) to tell me what he thinks when he has calmed down. After I calmed down, I realized there is a real problem with me. This is not normal. I'm embarrassed by the way that I act. And with or without him, I need stability with these emotions. I need to find a way to be happy on my own. So, I started the only place I knew where to start, which was back on the medication. I talked to the doctor and told her about the depression, the anxiety. How I have had panic attacks. How intense the emotions are. How low I feel about myself. How impulsive I can be. The suicide attempts. The dissociation I feel in the height of these emotions. We talked for a while, and she said that I have BPD. I did my own research on it afterwards, and it all clicked for me. But while I feel relieved to know what this is and work towards better coping strategies, I can't help but feel scared too. Is there really a way to salvage a relationship that's been hurt by BPD? And I'm afraid for what this means for future relationships. All my relationships have been this roller coaster of emotions, constant break ups and intense emotional fights. Can I work on myself and still be with him? Or should I let him go and work on myself? I just want some advice from those who understand. Thanks for reading.",3.670424783549784,5.1026362390873015,4.49958152958153,86.11915584415588,72.52182539682539,7.776046176046177,25.98773448773449,8.337322869131606,1.5419944444444442,3971,130,824,64,77,1280,332,1008,0.187,0.7240000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.9988,3,0,1,0,2,1,131.0,5,2,6,19,55,60,7,6,50,0,87,15,0,23,18,191,170,81,1,35,22,0,4,2,3,10,11,9,1,2,64,56,1,4,33,3,1,12,24,39,1,0,40,23,122,21,147,106,23,135,0,10,10,3,91,55,0,16,62,602,186,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0364179133022451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940975350053967,0.09303002499598496,0.0,0.0,0.07603066880152612,0.0,0.08552988321089337,0.0,0.07391979526890306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952941420907534,0.06968120366484258,0.042397794244371685,0.03501456569301261,0.05731366976573355,0.12446908132571766,0.06815478365167615,0.0,0.12684948399239734,0.0,0.0,0.06592113450014803,0.0,0.0,0.14081343687835748,0.0,0.07610970462281376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04027352915197808,0.04179929411925985,0.059511020869020076,0.0,0.0,0.024034813210832017,0.0,0.09629676687218112,0.03782629266863051,0.0,0.038937186742920425,0.0,0.03814543481645182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036508507086970135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515292832357192,0.0,0.038507864548051184,0.0,0.024615199709607082,0.033711090569244116,0.0941998343987941,0.03561122489205095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387384897119668,0.07537539620134702,0.0,0.0,0.040825334039838894,0.06812465659987173,0.0,0.0,0.04086250014269521,0.08637962357400562,0.0,0.0,0.03575091551501943,0.02118029524389329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591203823127595,0.03967253893910875,0.0,0.07358897995397537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999199702717909,0.0,0.0,0.03701558894594985,0.07340305677495422,0.0,0.03989622507655425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0409630982086428,0.0607568799883777,0.0,0.0394614905501821,0.0,0.03810911256544768,0.10529412127758986,0.036414579662045865,0.037352383092706345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009076275865934,0.0705278719696025,0.0995068679135597,0.0,0.0,0.08119167765421291,0.0,0.1877182296717364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02974700698896192,0.15844018364991855,0.1095852380226406,0.055267583064665005,0.22994738023498024,0.07198744203307879,0.0,0.0,0.03651478242660483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937852734558667,0.0,0.056688072373983864,0.0,0.04372603422894218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05167395551944522,0.03254102927429499,0.038937186742920425,0.040909134441547576,0.07046071862735873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036253602413916,0.28528397382484993,0.0,0.03746469009817181,0.0,0.1189174959055013,0.037278141575712624,0.08483841419420071,0.0477497423511235,0.0,0.0,0.2400716717798417,0.04221744282628767,0.0,0.10635136755062896,0.11854821683311445,0.0373118258316966,0.0,0.11879126307148033,0.2714195101974312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616570425948558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827113244479254,0.0,0.05952463582118778,0.031157763828587568,0.0,0.0,0.042663008171051515,0.040765204753268516,0.04229134865459022,0.03512470202321925,0.0,0.0,0.059909303946828724,0.03257392387136177,0.034311419129337564,0.0,0.043271085811560035,0.0,0.0716395969966302,0.0,0.0,0.06519391000908696,0.0,0.035325759742810464,0.0712224497841019,0.0,0.025302563895294103,0.04053694347394162,0.0,0.038797360947720516,0.0,0.03218763488629072,0.0,0.0,0.24179831713307615,0.11832659365583875,0.02989418679769763,0.0,0.03350845833668111,0.034547861572416905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03592507636953187,0.0,0.2441842996893967,0.0,0.0,0.10589663172053387,0.0,0.0,0.023999406382673144 bpd,Floyd_Green,2020/01/22,"Got a date after 3 years of isolation!!1! I know, I know, small is an understatement for the size of this triumph, but I'd been afraid to even ask because I had this image in my head that nobody would accept me (still do to an extent, but w/e). Sure, there's still the problem that my brain is racing about how we're amazing for each other over a conversation comprising 80% business and a couple of travel stories... Anyways, back to the main point. I've had huge periods of sheer social isolation where even talking to food delivery was a hassle, I would've had them slide the pizzas down the door had it been viable. I just kept a positive mindset during a work meeting with a potential provider's rep and we seemed to hit it off, and she's got a great smile and is funny and we agreed on a nice coffee date later today, business aside. Idk. Just... really hype about it all, if we ignore the fact I feel as though as soon as she knows me just deeply enough she'll essentially split on me. Advice on the date, mindset, and others is welcome, but I mainly wanted to share this infinitesimal triumph with you all. Progress is progress, one way or another, right?",7.014233038348081,6.381747340707968,7.1576548672566345,77.28996312684366,64.53097345132744,9.834218289085547,31.66519174041298,9.075114841892004,2.5047297935103243,913,29,176,13,12,295,143,226,0.047,0.7120000000000001,0.24100000000000002,0.9945,0,2,0,0,0,0,36.0,3,1,1,5,16,12,0,1,18,0,15,4,2,1,4,36,26,16,0,4,8,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,10,12,2,2,6,1,0,2,0,3,0,1,10,1,20,9,27,13,7,27,0,0,0,0,15,12,0,3,12,121,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685703464647493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18088702383882466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126932570762004,0.0,0.0,0.13264605648040145,0.0,0.1051577319293654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925731528584947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19087401882612573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782442616799367,0.0,0.2278764688635611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722394764306493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085942961994402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27593676227611463,0.19018788705983794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17704037761696267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844134808051225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689416934265845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307342560504204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506443514959274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105114198187075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731872680213048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704249887806213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758476001229583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755261785673774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625843617228923,0.0,0.0,0.13865336048999147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694857460883444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351501277831165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174819427070546,0.13692681073608282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558603496481982,0.0,0.0,0.2450858695613385,0.0,0.0,0.1110878653397784 bpd,lijadu00,2020/01/22,"Do you get uncomfortable when people ask you if you’re okay? I just wanted to reach out and see if anyone else can relate. I have this friend (who I am currently splitting on and constantly annoyed by) who asks me if I’m okay whenever we see each other or over text if my tone changes. I realize that it’s a lovely, caring thing to do on her part but it literally feels grating. Like my heart rate spikes up and my skin prickles and I get so irrationally ANGRY. I don’t know what it is. It’s almost like she’s seen through my facade and is calling me on it. I try to control myself and I think I’ve done a pretty good job of being like “Yeah, just tired.” But I needed to now if anyone else experiences this or if I’m just especially crazy lol",1.1294274193548368,3.260851825806455,3.337802419354841,88.38670362903228,82.35483870967742,6.197580645161291,20.655241935483872,7.413659706084162,0.653717741935484,583,17,125,9,16,199,99,155,0.145,0.657,0.19899999999999998,0.7549,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,2,0,1,6,10,1,0,2,4,10,4,2,1,0,30,26,18,0,8,13,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,13,9,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,5,21,9,13,23,2,10,0,0,3,1,12,6,0,9,7,83,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16214777712618705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22644803008551465,0.3318293074900479,0.0,0.0,0.3027621572112351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16534687365008413,0.0,0.16509666852457494,0.0,0.17129864424305366,0.0,0.0,0.17498693942215207,0.18161632968230676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570884583030412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705405915014503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583969247496865,0.0,0.0,0.08187580134356066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510538374236665,0.0,0.1692016809022811,0.0,0.0,0.1358177546063627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19188578577130988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606888271974858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899154526202452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373299278550777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461465904738161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006776427824288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753525422510024,0.0,0.11226067735536432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473927014850753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25807174082668005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757795083998506,0.10375710037371612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18611273173574047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993866961255602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955094921324243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SadGoatLord,2020/01/22,Help please Hey guys I'm new hear but I have kind of an odd question. I really need help with it. I have a problem with spending to much money and impulsively buying stuff with out thinking it's hard for me not to. That is a symptom of BPD right? I feel like I'm losing my mind and no one in my family seems to get it they just say I'm being childish or selfish I feel really unsupported. They never really ask how I'm doing just ask oh what did you buy this time? Something you don't need? It scares me on how much I spend but i feel like I can't control it.,-0.4922677595628429,1.6228491721311509,2.186918032786888,93.86983060109293,90.0655737704918,5.220546448087432,17.14972677595628,6.742157984588678,-0.10117224043715868,437,11,101,6,15,151,79,122,0.193,0.6829999999999999,0.124,-0.8822,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,2,2,4,7,0,1,3,0,8,1,0,3,1,26,23,7,0,3,6,0,4,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,9,6,0,1,6,0,5,0,5,4,0,1,1,6,16,3,12,21,2,7,0,1,0,0,13,4,0,3,5,63,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29077062077378785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958653998542076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17442303031133766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466054780281204,0.0,0.2358988104950821,0.22219955541674796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125004499422779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398406529393638,0.0,0.0,0.13931068137014824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17527644028743833,0.0,0.20847653495892515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619446943319987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195331562408004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398124057955142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702557828072544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22864248901862386,0.2306244523799421,0.11994257235033676,0.15019712710873048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053808281130398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707085094870255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880662539365322,0.0,0.0,0.17421212570372474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988802179424001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280875782143708,0.0,0.1236715813850895,0.15569740745967905,0.0,0.0,0.14157479944272933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197228622651054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802719697037633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16163938422038834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964758067272124,0.0,0.0,0.09068190887933388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,linkieg,2020/01/22,"Want help to help ex Hey. I suspect my (ex) girlfriend has Borderline personality disorder. I started researching the illness after she really started making me doubt myself and my sanity at times. She really shows 98% of the characteristics of this illness. Knowing that she uses crystal meth, my question is: Can the crystal addiction make her act out like a typical person with borderline personality disorder.? In other words if she stops using the drug, what are the chances she will not be so moody, manipulative etc?",7.207030497592295,9.685783764044947,8.195537720706263,58.95022471910114,65.29213483146069,11.37784911717496,37.433386837881216,11.20814326018867,5.3697049759229545,421,22,58,14,7,142,68,89,0.175,0.718,0.107,-0.7906,0,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,6,0,6,4,0,5,0,17,14,3,0,2,2,2,0,1,1,1,4,0,0,3,4,3,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,13,1,8,12,1,9,0,0,0,0,16,3,0,3,6,42,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014511585234693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4235765494574523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143006930338996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206092543633499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477251052305857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015571540574376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090280306871294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467009273321589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4840611869294431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20700995045270748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367656819050295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615942394244901,0.0,0.0,0.1544948482709001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775402336799844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192028667599052,0.0,0.0,0.1089954352166912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,-ocean-eyes,2020/01/22,"Who else uses sex to regulate themselves emotionally? Sometimes I find that I have an urge to have sex and it's not even because I am horny, it's just a restless feeling inside of me, an itch that needs to be scratched so I can carry on with my day knowing I've satisfied my partner at least once. At some point in my life I started to really believe my only purpose in life as a women would be as a sex object. When I discovered porn on my partner's phone, something inside of me went off, I've always been insecure about my body but this clearly made it worse. I'm honestly not even sure why because I had found porn on his old laptop from when he was younger (before we started dating) and it didn't make me upset me, I recall laughing and making a joke of it (I was 16 around that time). Maybe because I found it on his current phone (when I was 20) it stung a little more because it was obviously recent. Ever since then I developed a compulsive need to please my partner in fear he will turn to porn again. Like I know just because someone gets off to other people doesn't necessarily mean they want to be with other people but it felt like a huge betrayal for some reason. I know how irrational that sounds but I just can't get away from the feelings of inadequacy. I'm 25 now and it feels like these feelings will never end. I started posting to NSFW subs to gain some confidence in myself but I know this is just a maladaptive coping mechanism that will only leave me feeling even more empty inside. I ended up emotionally cheating on my partner with another reddit user and it was a 5 month affair that almost blew up my entire life. Now I'm back to square one. Feeling inadequate. Paranoid. Dissociating. I realized I had BPD in the middle of the affair, I suspected Bipolar Disorder II but I hit each symptom for BPD spot on. Bipolar Disorder is still on my radar though. But now I can see the hope in my partner's eyes disappear bit by bit each time we fight over my insecurities. He's wondering ""is she going to cheat on me again?""... He read the book ""Walking on Egg Shells"" after I read it and I know he is scared this is just a cycle I will repeat for the rest of my life. I emotionally cheated on him before I discovered the porn on his phone because he was getting close to a girl he worked with and it make me feel like he was going to leave me. I know this is a ME problem and I am the only one who can fix it, I just wish my parents had raised me with more self esteem and self worth. My mom always told me when I was growing up that ""every girl wishes she looked like you"" just because I have blonde hair, blue eyes and I'm thin and all I could think was ""YA RIGHT"" and now I hate myself. She thought she was doing me a favour by highlighting the fact that I was born with society's idea of what beautiful looks like but what about actually teaching your kids to love themselves despite what they look like? Anywho, this post is really all over the place and I apologize for that. I went a lot deeper than just using sex to regulate yourself but thanks for reading if you got this far.",3.705011099347701,5.071223428571429,4.959349748983982,83.11568252450395,72.33868378812198,7.677729585738191,27.059492503671322,8.197803283752503,1.7352219459717904,2448,86,485,37,47,812,286,623,0.121,0.7340000000000001,0.145,0.9368,2,0,1,0,1,0,53.0,2,4,2,2,30,27,5,6,26,0,43,22,5,8,8,98,100,32,0,10,19,2,11,7,5,5,8,1,0,11,37,25,1,0,25,5,1,7,6,12,0,2,25,21,83,15,72,65,15,77,0,0,9,9,48,37,0,8,38,329,120,7,0.0,0.0,0.06465934120209609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634893559471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026578821221088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947846249069603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058984662793205564,0.0,0.0,0.062252622503566536,0.05094917183182839,0.0,0.282736603482391,0.0,0.11276325845342072,0.07465133617662463,0.0,0.0,0.14467559184969836,0.07359894307956237,0.16690207929034326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05290251419140518,0.0,0.0,0.04273164964762771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187737936044213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055350990927600936,0.22359776864218853,0.11737182364828462,0.0,0.0,0.13129056765749314,0.059935165661914425,0.05582616467044407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455992891219862,0.2345182065688824,0.09467105431599893,0.06361914412359998,0.0,0.060559633491944535,0.0,0.0,0.14529940586655746,0.0,0.0,0.1038529632752738,0.0,0.07531316743393428,0.0,0.052993469572166815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541716138451982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581025466950881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479847916541196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21848567065345986,0.0,0.0,0.14031767785934707,0.0,0.0,0.1872030983107872,0.22659600733614665,0.0664090431583698,0.0,0.0,0.1669229140732471,0.0,0.0,0.056331132698444426,0.05980144094844739,0.06269597955601229,0.13268542738139522,0.0,0.06656618988933279,0.07217560405793658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760187822338703,0.052887395860641694,0.0,0.0,0.09826059290221847,0.05110311656781782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952779838644152,0.07056379823554336,0.08979778634968927,0.1511791350302272,0.0,0.0,0.0735729093315127,0.0,0.0,0.0918714592784469,0.0,0.06922667580428149,0.07273261435441779,0.06263628337555405,0.0,0.12691583871672846,0.0,0.0,0.06340102746290739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19883114605734925,0.0,0.08489457534012043,0.0681254087727303,0.06542288549253576,0.0,0.0,0.05658492476176185,0.0,0.0,0.06633693614206253,0.0,0.052799938470938,0.0,0.13824542135862186,0.0,0.0,0.05481022713512968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056141135685683095,0.0510095061851431,0.06553196197039711,0.0,0.14069563432088844,0.0,0.05291461724710393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244843459640796,0.06886859379368318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061002493686407526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042456167406057836,0.06509924704604053,0.052602338498481234,0.07727244912702293,0.0,0.0,0.06331342674733949,0.0,0.0,0.07207089362914161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445320792648013,0.0,0.0,0.0390813445271354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284573246626493,0.059788548073226075,0.0,0.15238943148873438,0.0,0.07185518707601415,0.04823742706626185,0.0,0.06752370194477728,0.04706857637972325,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,maRkmyvvoRds,2020/01/22,"Crisis/ Crash Short post to say I’m getting back on some medication after almost three years off. ER trip over weekend Sunday morning/ per therapists instructions if could not get a psych evaluation scheduled. Two prior suicide attempts seemed like a third one would be inevitable after heavy triggers Friday setting in motion a pretty severe manic episode or something. Know your triggers and don’t mess with this illness. Mostly bi- polar II but then BPD/ NPD/ HPD/ (and, god forbid) ASPD rear their ugly heads it’s all bi- polar I from there— I caught it in time but I have a mentor and therapist and now I’ll get back on medications after three years off of them— There is hope and things don’t always have to end with harm to yourself or others. Thank you for reading and for your support.",3.733954081632653,6.658161047619053,3.8870025510204087,83.55866709183675,77.9795918367347,5.3076530612244905,24.83375850340137,6.6274283507984215,1.144551360544218,642,23,105,6,16,198,111,147,0.121,0.77,0.10800000000000001,-0.2617,0,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,3,1,1,4,7,0,0,4,0,8,6,1,2,1,26,18,12,1,4,6,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,5,8,0,1,2,2,0,3,3,3,1,5,1,1,7,4,19,14,3,28,0,0,0,2,5,8,0,8,16,68,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799235048224714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959386668008486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258001761578679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21129406484852964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394665077555776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858993862016995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629507655063384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721752252110099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666284359902758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219922176287647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196147392373074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380110478613612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368186287972425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16067243482010665,0.1706772531789962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781033624658098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341341123318348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272689753594074,0.0,0.18952662604881435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915364450344155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835076113682564,0.19037766203109088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445541375761138,0.0,0.389576043915421,0.11145556936996108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782508370340336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638819659299528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917539760070132,0.0,0.0,0.21607023765469105 bpd,apessimisticdreamer,2020/01/22,"More so to the gents of this sub, but any input is welcome, what’s your tendency to get violent? Recently got a diagnosis of BPD with ASPD traits, I’m not sure exactly what that quantifies as I initially believed it was a mood disorder and they initially had bipolar type 2 and ADHD as a differential diagnosis. Formally been diagnosed with these now though and I’ve been reading through the sub trying to get a better understanding, does anyone know how common these two are together as they seem like opposite ends of the spectrum? I frequently get into scuffles but I’m tryna focus on boxing as much as I can as an outlet, I can’t afford to get into anymore trouble and I don’t know if they treat aggression under DBT as my psychiatric nurse hasn’t told me too much about it. Currently being treated with seroquel to calm me down and to be honest so far i really feel it’s levelled me out, tried killing myself a few months ago out of nowhere and until the meds I literally couldn’t get my mind off anything but trying again. I’m nowhere near where I need to be yet though, fuck knows man I’ve started rambling So yeah any input from any of you?",4.488180392156863,6.058035386666668,5.777098039215691,77.21717647058827,70.6888888888889,9.205228758169936,30.56862745098039,9.627879704456738,3.0364745098039214,922,39,168,22,17,309,144,225,0.121,0.774,0.105,-0.6997,3,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,2,3,1,12,14,4,0,10,1,14,3,0,1,2,30,33,24,1,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,13,0,0,6,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,6,1,19,8,35,23,4,24,0,0,0,1,8,12,1,2,13,114,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996924549218478,0.0,0.1253675901717177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28852813294440616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025879853986792,0.09888990486763401,0.0,0.11638338056595082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593411812906613,0.0,0.12508177396515952,0.0,0.0,0.17812390129942735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354667362428314,0.0,0.0,0.16208900120263714,0.0,0.12376479473993687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526343122718955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151036114351203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307481171542973,0.36945205753283933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311307305124753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646937912387554,0.0,0.2331757650970608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909468802170092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709487777010167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280219287317164,0.0,0.1128866616919343,0.0,0.207932039947452,0.1048672384799382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146649974308406,0.0,0.09060254385707547,0.0,0.1396433123870666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875094642133755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010362717905444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329443045468292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779050304178416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514073191686274,0.0,0.2880614481429845,0.0,0.13815482770417328,0.14723177230806264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bax6,2020/01/22,"I’ve been living in my head for two days now. I can’t seem to come back to earth the past couple of days. I am living through hypothetical situations, conversations and relationships until I realize it’s all a daydream. I do something productive that I think will help me snap back into the real world, but I always get lost again. There’s just so much brain fog. I feel like such a burden, to the point that I’m scared to even try a therapist again. I don’t want to make someone sit through what I have to say for an hour, much less committing months with me. I am no one anymore. There’s nothing to me.",2.388226164079821,4.307724422764228,3.8326977087952687,87.50008869179605,77.130081300813,7.074353288987436,23.376940133037692,8.00094639256281,1.1231365853658537,476,15,102,8,11,157,86,123,0.11599999999999999,0.8190000000000001,0.065,-0.8355,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,11,4,0,1,7,0,8,2,2,1,2,15,17,4,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,3,0,2,2,2,14,1,16,14,4,17,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,12,69,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094846783682174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799224583267225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605053779121644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890985050450832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591698971734024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18743002893290006,0.0,0.21848882209526546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188241703846373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565014312017903,0.1210143261176896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850080211517229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17384599173377396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354049445367935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16681789111766165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275681765927886,0.0,0.2991540793959848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491236737244696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307108032269066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520780171798405,0.0,0.24904655347815785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253706216112318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478501724186965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170469628447254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013104909360568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280621221311636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18186458785673465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470803803505332,0.16959185005267782,0.0,0.0,0.15420893995648027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19040472398253888,0.0,0.0,0.14352605981988273,0.13040693506986806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19667822018874814,0.0,0.10854013458083236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500666414543825,0.0,0.16547225571772542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991232496341393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,angelrnia,2020/01/22,"Looking For A Good Read... Can anyone suggest a good book or two regarding BPD? Preferably triumphs and tribulations/success or autobiographical, but anything will suffice.",8.446025641025642,12.67216334615385,7.759230769230768,54.86910256410261,69.38461538461539,8.082051282051282,47.12820512820512,8.841846274778883,5.908682051282053,141,10,15,3,3,44,23,26,0.0,0.772,0.228,0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,3,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,10,0,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437881068206742,0.0,0.2869138568951081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4391195313154009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5848715620200591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927828984328546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487499578149711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34058586606204977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nirvanaoohnana,2020/01/22,I'm tired. I'm okay yet I know I'm not. You destroy yourself. You heal yourself. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.,-2.5447619047619057,-6.3616273809523785,-0.0704761904761888,99.72380952380956,179.952380952381,0.9333333333333336,16.61904761904762,3.1291,-1.123438095238095,79,3,16,0,9,26,14,21,0.134,0.647,0.21899999999999997,0.2144,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4313809669585744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9021698628007284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,reallymoody,2020/01/22,"How to move on after a breakup i just broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half. i don’t really know what to do with myself. i only have one friend and i’m not close with my family (but i was close to his, so i’ve lost them too and now i really feel like i have nothing). i don’t have any hobbies. the only things keeping me going are my dog and my job (i work at a vet office so there’s lots of animals to cuddle with). i guess im looking for advice on how to move forward? i was really dependent on him for a lot of things so i’m feeling lost and alone.",-0.5981405208964254,1.0787337165354351,2.4357480314960647,94.9995457298607,85.85039370078741,5.797456087219867,17.643246517262266,7.010146845296331,-0.06119091459721384,430,10,107,6,13,153,74,127,0.085,0.848,0.066,-0.29600000000000004,1,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,3,9,5,0,0,6,0,9,1,0,3,0,24,20,11,0,0,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,11,0,1,3,0,0,4,3,3,0,2,4,3,19,2,20,16,2,14,0,3,1,1,4,8,0,4,5,77,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168816900486407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892495619136134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748121263344445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286065732461175,0.0,0.17470304591644256,0.12341819057220675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347223014419873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818222600471246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19031216850357466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660804479250648,0.0,0.17143543693908242,0.1535550501429797,0.0,0.0,0.09494315635977216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440072362250035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507302271572695,0.0,0.3771710429281904,0.29374496864983074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672283540010984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576574655581866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170651408578994,0.26278014869498584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33201916742896875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22954518156508805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257697193591038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125034445031766 bpd,didyouseerayaskirt,2020/01/22,"Shopping as a coping mechanism I have a terrible problem with validation from shopping, which made me spend substantial savings that could have paid for a college tuition in about two years. I spent an amount of money that would be life-saving now. Then I find myself surrounded by high-quality stuff that I end up barely using and if sold it wouldn't even come close to the money spent buying it. Does anyone have some advice about how I can stop the association ""acquire stuff = rush of joy"" while not becoming stingy and even starving myself so as to not spend (happens sometimes and obviously is inneficient)? Thanks in advance",5.97438596491228,8.167954684210532,6.118421052631582,73.75728070175441,67.94736842105263,8.575438596491226,31.08771929824561,9.150863307647796,2.9773403508771934,510,21,82,10,9,162,86,114,0.094,0.8140000000000001,0.09300000000000001,-0.0299,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,7,5,0,0,6,0,9,0,0,3,1,21,18,10,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,1,2,12,3,3,2,0,1,5,0,8,3,15,9,2,14,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,2,6,61,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20479336035301615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653906592411642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314581001925123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18052950846371785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16732784551186458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18339968513223096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562042537154816,0.0,0.0,0.2768433997002377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19154690759180493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18532566219640215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22142651641718106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802836685680099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19830405684325367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20053408596467814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072741187497943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521331061954984,0.0,0.0,0.4798243509234342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929476508898332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20472341875316005,0.0,0.0,0.1810047120347523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887540974771454,0.0,0.0,0.134958833000524 bpd,maybe-her,2020/01/22,"My partner keeps telling me to “breathe” Every time I get angry or upset, even about valid things, they tell me to “take a deep breath” or “you need to breathe” and it just makes me feel so angry. It used to make me feel small or sad but now I’m just over it. I don’t know how to explain that this is a shitty thing to do and it’s not helping without coming across as a bitch. But I just can’t fucking handle hearing it again.",1.2342032967032956,2.7914255384615387,2.3319642857142853,98.60366071428572,79.32967032967035,4.55,21.26510989010989,3.1291,-0.4932098901098896,328,9,78,0,8,104,63,91,0.218,0.782,0.0,-0.9617,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,9,4,2,1,3,0,4,4,3,4,0,23,19,10,0,1,10,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,9,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,3,10,0,11,19,0,8,0,1,0,1,8,4,2,3,3,53,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115274877085508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16218952049895655,0.0,0.2068941975210894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483241962595982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270155022685297,0.1282945349124711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27676303920062995,0.0,0.16459314019222362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21826427929937373,0.0,0.0,0.1349529017637512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278253149202435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18207901829242065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846299409035354,0.0,0.42925908835130977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262772118161976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318753085583805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21208428652989836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367102838490754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rahrah117,2020/01/22,"DAE keep losing job after job after job because of bursts of uncontrollable anger and depression ? Some background, I am a several times diagnosed BPD and in intensive DBT therapy as well as talk therapy and have hundreds of tools to pull me out of slumps, and I’ve gotten pretty good in the sense that I have brought my, what I call, “bounce back time” from several days down to an hour or two. Meaning- if I have an episode, I am able to recognize it and de-escalate myself by using my tools that I have learned from therapy. But that one hour when I word vomit angry comments at whoever is near me, usually has severe consequences. I feel like I am doing better, but not good enough. I’ve had 6 jobs in 2019 and I entered 2020 with no job and completely at the mercy of my amazing partner, whom without I would literally be homeless. I’m starting to lose hope. And losing hope is DANGEROUS I KNOW. the self-hatred and cutting and irresponsible decisions multiply in these times ): I AM a HARD worker and I bust my ass when I’m at any job but after a while I tend to go downhill and become unbearably unhappy for STUPID reasons, and as a result, I act out until I either get fired, or quit out of spite. Every time this happens It follows with internee regret and self-loathing.I want to be a reliable employee and be able to keep a job. Any suggestions?",5.037912970004222,6.096038319391639,6.125823827629915,77.1674598648078,68.84790874524714,9.64672581326574,32.10160540768906,9.861636050157227,3.2140234051542045,1070,46,198,25,18,357,155,263,0.22399999999999998,0.672,0.10400000000000001,-0.9897,8,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,6,4,19,5,1,11,0,17,3,1,3,0,46,36,28,0,6,9,0,3,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,9,20,0,2,6,0,0,6,3,11,1,2,3,3,24,8,39,29,3,35,0,5,0,1,6,12,1,6,18,133,33,9,0.17032449945769707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582650030719165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548451328952827,0.0,0.051914116987282065,0.09405501396736192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531908924834968,0.0,0.0,0.10725887228760243,0.0,0.08696017868348986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929099856109236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054922605777969605,0.0,0.07335012090199029,0.08643789082350756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799536927422008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175286841426755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04306059230220185,0.060839928222511476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04449376054108935,0.0,0.04839966908571977,0.14286010915397396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530869618257192,0.0,0.07628864818646842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16917065936685066,0.16773532270813818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.59157274473624,0.15139224105602594,0.0,0.0,0.04680294526573646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041605973506123634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858243213602465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276665612372263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05770814443261407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664062435567335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058053541515426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756097647391943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768559932743916,0.28862730516888097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602782786857728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845019044336331,0.0,0.0,0.2921713635857902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986351706942492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319114342621509,0.0,0.0,0.07355284046843523,0.09379418644431027,0.0,0.050230901367881775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657109008126746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209336971664141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060496818783061124,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bananabreaddragon,2020/01/22,"Is anyone else taking Topamax for BPD? Finally got my BPD diagnosis from my doc, going through a lot of emotions right now but wondering if any of it is down to the the increase in Topamax (along with everything else I’m currently on)? Any help/experience with Topamax would be greatly appreciated :)",8.503333333333334,8.688129333333336,9.130000000000004,61.665000000000006,61.22222222222222,12.385185185185184,43.925925925925924,11.855464076750405,5.704414814814816,240,14,38,7,3,81,44,54,0.0,0.795,0.205,0.9276,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,9,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,12,6,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,3,26,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830996674163735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14554403530690485,0.2132753216133484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5243178545763275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477669413734218,0.23414188495235744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18707271816779814,0.20361164192567835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22801927178250894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829702343496475,0.0,0.16647738836314208,0.2294872381255503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395192433433033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696255653545762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777598366575082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650366487507536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22573090573866944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786451487190305,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,athena997,2020/01/22,"What is your MBTI type? Has anyone else taken the Myers Briggs Personality test? What was your result? I took it three years ago and I was an ENFP, took it now and I’m an INFP-T. 88% introverted, 74% intuitive, 60% feeling, 81% prospecting, 86% turbulent. I’m curious to see if there are any common types for people with BPD. I’d assume most of us are definitely turbulent.",2.61827380952381,4.9237234861111165,4.81031746031746,78.89500000000002,78.0277777777778,8.003174603174603,22.785714285714285,8.841846274778883,1.8493547619047621,289,9,55,7,7,100,58,72,0.0,0.899,0.10099999999999999,0.7219,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,0,8,13,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,5,0,4,8,1,6,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,3,4,29,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368771518520403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18172086918541894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18684860241693366,0.27380164147191005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33655813562970543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232306079236241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511602681669266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852588486842386,0.2333289007104335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21294221053086929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5937893855590773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214364829454577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17208291298257974 bpd,RarelySmiling,2020/01/22,"I'm so tired of it I've known a girl for nearly a year now, the moment I met her I was super hooked on her and I guess I could say that I felt like I was being played with… I do sort of feel that way still. We have always kind of messed around, It's confusing because we talk like we're in a romantic relationship but we are not.. throughout time though I would say that I want to date her and she obviously has feelings for me (It's so damn obvious, it's clear as day I swear to god) and her typical response is ""Yeah I've been thinking about it as well…"" I'm tired of this bullshit. As I'm typing this I'm starting to become more irritated. She barely replies to my messages, I always asked her who she talks to other than me, at the time she only mentioned other girls and I was pleased. A couple weeks ago she mentioned that she was having an argument with a friend that's a guy, at the time I wasn't even concerned about that shit I didn't care that she was talking to the guy. A couple days later here I am doing things and out of nowhere I think to myself ""She's talking to another guy? What a fucking bitch"" keep in mind I'm ashamed about the words that I say or think to myself while I think about her like this. My thoughts start to spiral down into an abyss of negative crap and I end up only thinking about her and the guy that she mentioned and I start becoming delusional and making up things that any normal person would find absurd. The worst part is that I'm aware enough to notice my thoughts are irrational but my emotions don't listen they don't calm down. I do this thing when I am in the middle of doing a task but all of a sudden I start to sit in silence and I start going through thoughts regarding to her and I end up creating this image of her and I can feel my pulse increase dramatically my heart starts racing because of the anger. Eventually I come back to my senses (I do this all the time with other things not only her, It's similar to spacing out and this happens very frequently) Afterwards I usually would label her as the scum of the earth I think to myself ""I'm not going to reply to any of her messages, I don't give a fuck"" but then when she messages me I'm like a puppy, I immediately open the message and I reply, it's so fucking ridiculous I just got done talking so much shit about you and thinking about how much I hate you. Recently I even said something to her that basically translated to ""I fucking hate you but I love you at the same time"" It's a cycle, this repeats over and over again and it happens for so many different reasons. I have a good feeling she's ignoring me or she's betraying me currently. Sorry for the long ass post I just felt like venting because I have no one to talk to about this",2.623327839376685,4.235171725352116,4.0186140245729725,87.77601138747379,75.58450704225352,6.87629607431825,25.113275397063237,7.616502295504843,1.1923551393467189,2172,74,457,29,47,717,242,568,0.17800000000000002,0.73,0.092,-0.9959,2,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,3,4,1,1,27,31,13,2,31,1,34,12,5,3,5,80,87,39,0,6,12,0,6,5,1,3,2,5,0,7,39,28,0,2,19,1,0,4,10,18,0,1,17,11,89,13,74,65,10,67,0,0,0,6,65,23,10,5,42,326,128,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05872929299712897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025561805040762,0.0,0.0,0.09010863299090696,0.06947205427272715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058979222451516225,0.0619376178031914,0.0,0.0,0.05094447262884192,0.0,0.12116165391117037,0.14634248141939973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754935590263288,0.0,0.0,0.05707109886418151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289763482548535,0.14661538361046333,0.0,0.08545541674531708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922029080939371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779982844741386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452571517133083,0.11736099807439627,0.06845706650723789,0.0,0.08751897220926493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339980435509805,0.0,0.127226552658129,0.0,0.0605540478857348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051186908659460136,0.24499934857677305,0.0,0.06355592110417836,0.07530622106270582,0.05556987870070814,0.05298858181714503,0.0,0.07298515635388646,0.26240357182102964,0.11717463011213422,0.0,0.0,0.1308222555063505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851013198242214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05888871653208945,0.0,0.06899231123211337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618393626220922,0.0,0.0,0.05863182610416279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05979592527272987,0.0,0.04422439646182765,0.06717015001353319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689665019797926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740716624478546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491387975971037,0.0,0.07542948729520446,0.0,0.0,0.04489475200816204,0.1511651913012659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717455499908,0.0,0.0,0.05784956998757091,0.0,0.07272590599574777,0.0,0.0,0.06345206643409787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068119125351178,0.06541685133323863,0.0711309347429054,0.0,0.0,0.06302178119540833,0.15806115048133104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601551867417636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051004801417328716,0.0,0.0741648168316236,0.2813653150365969,0.0,0.05290973676488106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195099431888341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606221502851013,0.2971657607777993,0.06509324273693919,0.15779246045614,0.19316330511264407,0.15229617007271634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729683267695717,0.054665669136488036,0.039077739931333066,0.0525885529264087,0.05314416568688559,0.0,0.059569409725299324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119270528892408,0.0,0.0,0.042664764150263185 bpd,Cbabbystache,2020/01/22,"Relationship Issues My girlfriend of 1 and a half years (who has bpd) told me she has a huge crush on one of her friends last night. She also says she still loves me alot and doesnt know what to do about her feelings. I give her alot of love and support. I really dont want to lose her, but I dont know what to do. Any advice is appreciated.",0.8177103718199632,2.6261782465753427,2.7018003913894333,94.2664383561644,81.60273972602741,5.815264187866927,18.647749510763205,6.868970318607317,-0.13695929549902086,264,6,64,3,7,88,49,73,0.034,0.742,0.22399999999999998,0.919,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,4,0,8,2,0,0,0,10,17,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,2,13,4,8,16,2,6,0,1,0,2,16,2,0,2,4,44,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19344191827396628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583066560862016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346179859213508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493207223089329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4640097680320892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009333257810464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294158440894395,0.0,0.0,0.1898990098603348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066163489332851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21758468779253848,0.16136190060851716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214639676113584,0.0,0.0,0.3573290043066483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857698385228319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414122250388968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681673550087158,0.0,0.0,0.21253242567244904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742386364804453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808922991065444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22463998808061075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18915701177143715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676054711528602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747823219773993 bpd,Angelmouse97,2020/01/22,"Messed up Hi, 22yo female here. My boyfriend is my best friend, been in the same friend circle for ages, get on well etc. Except once we started dating, it started. The same pattern that follows me in all relationships- intense fear of abandonment, a need to control, overthinking, crying, jealousy. I thought with him it would be different but the same cycle has continued. I go to therapy and my therapist is actually diagnosed with BPD, she’s the best I’ve seen by far. She thinks I definitely have traits of the disorder and I’d agree. I just want to rant about my behaviour. Last night was my boyfriends birthday, we all went out drinking and back to our friends, then later on one of them wanted to go back my boyfriends house. Now, this would be okay, but my boyfriend lives with a girl he was sleeping with last year (before there was any inkling we would become more than friends) so I make a point of not going there because it makes me feel really awkward and upset. So I didn’t want to go but told boyfriend he could, but I didn’t want him to. But it was his bday so whatever. So he said he’d be gone for an hour. It was about 5am now, I was tired etc. I knew he’d be gone longer than an hour and I’d feel anxious at home so very very reluctantly I went with him but felt so awkward the entire time and was acting off with him. Eventually I just went upstairs because I wanted to cry and my boyfriend joined me and we fell asleep but I was crying my eyes out the entire time, saying I’d ruined his birthday etc. I just felt that controlling feeling come in and that extreme feel of being abandoned if he would of stayed without me.. he promises I’m the best girlfriend and I’m overreacting but I can’t stop thinking that I ruined his night with all his friends because I can’t handle things properly. Does anyone else ever deal with this horrific guilt and self criticism after a bad day?",3.7314884135472406,5.4553394572192575,4.1955294117647055,87.18721568627454,72.87700534759358,7.232655971479503,27.439928698752226,7.908726449838941,1.5887314795008916,1503,56,303,21,30,473,190,374,0.187,0.708,0.106,-0.9892,1,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,5,0,1,5,20,22,0,5,14,1,29,6,3,4,4,76,66,27,0,12,15,0,6,0,6,4,2,2,1,2,12,26,1,5,10,1,0,13,6,11,1,1,23,10,48,11,42,31,13,50,0,4,2,0,37,12,0,1,24,197,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.0782622832777772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453781099462327,0.0,0.0,0.09060161175228924,0.0,0.05607673906086452,0.0821729625196554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333557517104553,0.06696249690112015,0.14666500115411102,0.08857307371360065,0.06824311779502583,0.0,0.25249050809039586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100735304620947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690840089300718,0.0,0.0,0.1798991410954762,0.06403207138801106,0.0,0.2642832511455873,0.051721474538329454,0.08268125459879606,0.0,0.08139991003792138,0.0,0.0837904873673209,0.09191456536683702,0.0,0.07018235186738885,0.0,0.0,0.07856411461022457,0.0,0.0,0.06699565524712077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683279789357897,0.0,0.07254424227231678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024574283024488,0.16220332570287982,0.0,0.15400650197560356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30980627018838364,0.0,0.04190046831069265,0.0,0.1823148932445404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044575377422179,0.0,0.15795896971274698,0.0925384385630209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074515677662854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081684981472608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706640176551484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946625973747529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052194210926773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540891175190303,0.0543446597379566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581361736555749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05137728888428361,0.0,0.0,0.08610330322669364,0.0,0.0,0.07628725189353441,0.0637771607034473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836646502042724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025653740521722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352999050569737,0.08548105700480815,0.0,0.06704963647503162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171411011597792,0.0931167778761779,0.05328039882420904,0.10277607345352653,0.0,0.06366874515121428,0.09352891926697596,0.0921765147571262,0.0,0.07663321721605246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323445193785705,0.2365161165731091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210818987760005,0.2230347696481601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730860674618746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278831914849252,0.0,0.0,0.05164528117060746 bpd,unionjack736,2020/01/22,"A few things I’ve learned about myself So after going back and forth with my therapist for quite some time about my capacity for empathy, we were able to come to an agreement that I have what I coined a technical empathy. While I understand the mechanics of the shoes the other person is in, because I can comprehend the constituencies of it, there is no emotional component at all. Not even remotely. It is completely and utterly foreign to me. I do know the appropriate response because I can parse it out and I live by a strict code of ethics and decorum. My behavior is dictated by them and not my feeling for the person or what they may think of me. I just don’t care. When I’m in front of others I don’t see what they think of me but rather I’m continuously evaluating myself and whether or not I’m meeting my standard which is generally exceedingly high. When I exchange pleasantries they are strictly a formality because they are requisite in my code of decorum but there is no feeling behind it. I also have no true attachment to others; no bond. That’s not to say I am completely unable but rather it’s not inherent. As I explained to a friend of mine of 13 years, while I don’t wish anything negative happen to him, if he got hit by a truck and died that I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it. I would feel that it was unfortunate and that’s about it. When my best friend from childhood died a few years back I had no reaction other than making a judgment as the cause of his death was due to his willful negligence. It was unequivocally preventable. I don’t wish or hope bad things to happen to anyone, even those with whom I hold utter disdain and contempt. I simply do not care if anything does. Anyways, I just figure I’d share as I find them interesting. I’m completely fine with them and have no innate desire to change them either. If anyone has any thoughts I’d be happy to discuss them. If not, it’s all good in the hood.",4.40404637247569,5.7653907696335125,5.515531039640987,79.81839005235604,70.62303664921465,8.912640239341812,29.87322363500374,9.330973305703688,2.631818698578908,1542,62,298,33,28,511,188,382,0.149,0.705,0.146,-0.2754,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,9,3,19,16,1,0,17,0,31,2,2,2,3,68,57,31,3,12,23,0,3,0,2,4,0,1,0,2,27,16,0,2,12,0,2,3,19,3,0,0,7,5,48,13,48,44,7,25,0,1,1,0,24,8,0,10,14,231,75,1,0.11340221962860952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068771406590556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15423479615052849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585869373945261,0.0,0.1866407285180488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743986139862652,0.0946861165760106,0.2073868215727568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900863313926315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312422415462329,0.11649531763765204,0.11996451176935224,0.09768597089129023,0.3567002091392412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353872001460089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992390466010686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756223356071206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980219308578235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201870879902825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364757428611884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522854715739025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444909477011566,0.09511640149260962,0.09069811452691426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005624166019955,0.12071877150036035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981567125152677,0.0,0.11263399175877828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06232289418362925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013623755703796,0.0,0.0,0.12686807660003635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569686218476376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19803688810436415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061721953015453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018199668048152,0.0,0.0,0.09036688680913164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348411735540034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166871746412992,0.15067879149533334,0.1453271267141541,0.0,0.09002869523426235,0.06612574622193508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805570997745915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608139120054118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055768315553219,0.0,0.0,0.1460546228060137 bpd,kaleidoscope-day,2020/01/22,"Extreme jealousy/insecurity about my boyfriend's past love interests is destroying me. I'm feeling pretty low right now. My boyfriend and I [together 10 years] have recently been working to improve our relationship. We have been communicating more, being intimate more, and just being more open with each other. I have been in therapy for BPD and anxiety for about six years now and I feel like I have improved myself a lot, and I am finally starting to see the improvements I made for myself spilling over into and improving my relationship with my boyfriend. Overall, I genuinely feel like our relationship is blossoming, and I feel more hope, strength, and passion than I have in a long while. Tonight, because we have been doing really good lately with this being more honest and open, I decided to be honest and open with him about something I struggle with a lot: I feel very strong jealousy and insecurity when I think about people he has been romantically involved with/interested in. ""It physically makes me feel kind of sick sometimes, the jealousy,"" I told him. ""I know its totally a me problem and not a you problem, but I don't know how to combat it."" I did something then that kind of went against the little alarm bells that were ringing in my head. I'm not sure if I thought exposure therapy was a good idea, or if it was morbid curiosity, or if I just wanted to torture myself, but we were lying in bed together and I said ""What's the name of a person you used to be interested in romantically?"" He told me, and I asked him a bit more about his thoughts and feelings, then proceeded to wait until he fell asleep and looked her up on Facebook. And I saw her sitting, smiling, on a beach with rays of sun shining down on her. I actually said out loud ""Aw, shit, she's beautiful."" And it ruined my whole damn night. ""He loved her. He love(d/s?) her. What if she is better than you? Oh, she is. She definitely is. Does he think about her a lot? I bet he does. Oh god does he think about her when we have sex? Probably. There were things about her that made him love her, and I bet you dont have any of those things. You're a worthless piece of crap and he probably wishes it could have been her he's falling asleep next to."" I get this obsessive feeling when I start thinking like this. Obsessive feels like the right word, because it is so powerful and huge and inescapable. It just absolutely consumes me, sometimes for hours. I hate myself so much, and feel so worthless. It makes me feel physically sick. I hate it and on some level I know it isnt logical, but I absolutely cannot shake it. I'm so scared I'll never be able to get over this. I hate that I let this hit me so hard tonight when things have been going so wonderfully between us lately. Does anyone else struggle with intense, obsessive feelings of jealousy/insecurity like these when you think about people your significant other has had feelings for in their past?",4.495313872174336,6.304837418604658,5.238833550170759,80.13094181980809,71.05724508050089,8.444966661245733,30.05696048137909,9.033387906413283,2.5586991055456183,2323,97,439,47,44,752,242,559,0.156,0.68,0.16399999999999998,-0.5759,1,0,2,0,1,0,83.0,7,6,1,5,27,45,8,9,16,1,46,12,5,6,3,106,103,49,0,10,14,0,14,5,0,0,2,4,1,1,30,41,0,1,27,1,2,5,7,23,0,1,24,22,83,22,59,70,16,61,0,4,4,5,57,26,3,14,34,307,113,1,0.06621547508743,0.0,0.0646167519882181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045028793684844505,0.0,0.05065465720215863,0.0,0.0,0.046299399767612034,0.0678455792098955,0.0,0.0,0.06190253077465061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807286780469551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05856220677132465,0.07229014913778285,0.0,0.08339607289002514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052867668855067176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23178243386888936,0.0,0.07760404365534221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055314532851364034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4352469388360617,0.1419130458988125,0.0,0.07253581637142716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918970558046605,0.0,0.03763178042840866,0.11107679786279873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05931605963356356,0.1961222190500632,0.0679561806047284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576690738264543,0.06520890486938599,0.0,0.0,0.0747492115983799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379064555834472,0.10917088027132928,0.0,0.14938788008341294,0.0,0.0,0.06770980951259029,0.0,0.16174768227440126,0.0663653014670701,0.0,0.05859861177289076,0.055604322279897665,0.0,0.0,0.16888208709460792,0.23904820596462426,0.12530936710186924,0.08839868758490023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04867599303947278,0.0,0.05106945644198177,0.0,0.07042090895366848,0.06213873781025545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642032681626114,0.0918109462395611,0.05781679879640762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673649430569128,0.14278296291466575,0.12671853412685513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04241932888514977,0.0,0.06537979335440143,0.21327191938235085,0.0,0.11309530785891207,0.12597215999873496,0.0,0.06629324194554212,0.0,0.05276516069822215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796923363530162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195181543544768,0.13097759597356431,0.0,0.09373530815212572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384455829647581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062407301641943434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144633299670288,0.0,0.1319718581850342,0.21214101386162712,0.0,0.10513538175815723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654344809576956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964906363376795,0.05718891047564199,0.0,0.054634701592671815,0.039055602790369126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061382408790505175,0.0,0.07392721324417488,0.07614452851720281,0.0,0.0718078581692587,0.04820565448615115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852811899933547 bpd,gay23,2020/01/22,"I Love him but I don't see any other way but to leave him. He has repeatedly asked me to get back together with him saying each time that he had changed and his condition was stable enough. But each time he started devaluing me after only a few days and broke up with me. He just told me we weren't compatible or that he was wrong and he is too sick for a relationship every time. He got with a person who I thought was my friend and seems to think it's ok and then they broke up after a couple of weeks and told me he hates him. I guess I just wanna know from the perspective of someone that suffers from and understands BPD why he would do this and how I could possibly remain friends with him, most likely being asked out again and dumped repeatedly throughout a friendship. Perhaps an answer would be to set boundaries but I don't know how to do it without upsetting him so much he would hate me forever. I've always been willing to work with him and his BPD. I've read all about it but I still don't know how.",4.204532967032969,4.9356300576923084,4.954285714285714,86.005,70.53846153846155,8.250549450549451,26.395604395604394,8.418075326091056,1.5179604395604398,804,24,172,12,14,260,119,208,0.14800000000000002,0.7490000000000001,0.10400000000000001,-0.9015,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,1,1,11,13,3,1,7,1,20,2,0,3,1,47,39,21,0,5,9,0,0,1,2,4,1,1,0,1,9,19,0,0,8,1,0,0,5,8,0,0,10,2,26,5,24,22,7,19,0,3,1,1,32,3,0,4,15,120,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097831184101694,0.0,0.0,0.08972247310696257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24668873839055824,0.0,0.0,0.10145230093216297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33234298744360913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957307883378975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534188480099294,0.1459870644623392,0.0,0.08508919818536934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363273885044292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116359019002184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038701901554943,0.0,0.06893224301844254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055229992789846,0.0,0.14534475800625785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26052323538512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175292866551861,0.0,0.0,0.1397034610030276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445832048955373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907934054953084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698972855026143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003449159904974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152033121617316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14874045125203905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197386427320035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165220729044828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492252038897604,0.0,0.0,0.10513763137572588,0.12011154555258145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117907747560127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933865086828052,0.0,0.10536598495423982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454064545588699,0.0,0.10474416135159986,0.2308026062271321,0.0,0.0,0.2521451318038836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735227753973545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472637013925012,0.10583283351140677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190536676718411,0.0,0.0,0.1271836779515295,0.0,0.09605255180737722,0.0,0.0,0.2811752499777275,0.14425366588777852,0.0,0.0 bpd,itsmeellenb,2020/01/22,"Two antipsychotics and lithium? I was diagnosed with bpd in July and was put on aripiprazole, long sorry short I ended up in a psychiatric ward because I spiralled. Aripiprazole had been giving me anxiety as a side effect so the doctor took me off that and put me on quetiapine three weeks ago and yesterday decided to put me back on aripiprazole and lithium so am very confused as to why I’m suddenly on all these meds. The doctor isn’t in today but I asked the pharmacist and he said that sometimes two antipsychotics at a low dose work better than a high dose of one, but why put me back on aripiprazole when it was giving me such bad side effects??? I’m just so confused??? Does anyone have any experience of two antipsychotics together? Or any experience of lithium? Im anticipating some bad side effects with all these new meds. Thanks in advance and for reading this rant!",4.283922764227647,6.769231091463418,5.222780487804876,77.09132520325205,73.45121951219512,9.007479674796748,29.83577235772357,9.558583805096642,3.2139069918699184,705,31,122,19,15,230,96,164,0.142,0.7879999999999999,0.07,-0.9143,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,6,8,7,0,2,7,0,8,5,0,3,2,22,16,16,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,6,9,0,0,4,1,0,6,1,5,0,5,7,1,10,2,23,9,3,35,0,1,0,0,5,18,0,4,11,80,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365334838724556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15903582439791195,0.0,0.08945282016793546,0.0,0.0,0.08176171965327324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931583114314193,0.0,0.0,0.17982730253742335,0.1952670212499392,0.07128078955217662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034170368589429,0.0,0.0,0.1472720243900012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118683731183059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393701424179551,0.10232816447762183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356723024977448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287642767381781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22434406055614325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354529930249122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263068518685439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348132571683233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25977064842759595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293385653275137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923629134933567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4701966695409719,0.0,0.0,0.11696385296159327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112293083887756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564894509001307,0.130896035092749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765546811920762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083806202953583,0.0,0.1299159871874181,0.0,0.0,0.3426773331397525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648131892381696,0.0,0.0,0.0937959651746794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211026262764897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851280411318932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Persona3Fes,2020/01/22,"Is it possible for someone with bpd to split someone totally white? I know there are cases out there where a pwbpd splits someone to the shadow realm, the point of no return. But are there any examples of someone getting split to all white without the chance of going black? The only thing I can think of is if a person died in the idealization phase and the pwbpd immortalized that person in their head as a god...but then again a pwbpd is also equally capable of hating that person for leaving them to soon.",7.984020618556702,7.284588845360826,7.6687835051546385,74.63472164948455,62.60824742268043,10.234226804123713,33.832989690721654,9.3871,2.976618144329897,406,14,73,6,5,129,63,97,0.111,0.835,0.054000000000000006,-0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,1,7,2,1,0,10,0,6,1,1,0,2,11,11,6,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,4,1,17,11,3,10,0,0,3,0,5,5,0,1,4,56,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436576074672364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276317640835745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273648918871264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18735642732390528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431685080513168,0.0,0.10259650595188402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17823104288449232,0.18527071024832584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921180750259716,0.0,0.0,0.19114988735906646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372973815460655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4728823463284663,0.0,0.0,0.1706544562949402,0.2035147898157499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6118329166356586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993277472410585,0.11567311747420027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740196380232826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,penguine94,2020/01/22,"I was diagnosed in November. This is something I wrote about three years ago shed when did the trees begin to be that leaky drops not chilling but biting and salty the path so curious now being there just to wrench your ankle a birch bent against wet heavy snow once almost frank until the next rain and it learned to stay like that and when the light passes you go with it and start your duties because whats the point to stare at that old truck wheel swing fun to play with when its all changed to a rocky one not answering to your thirst and the rough rope allowing the fun then bent on the verge well you know",17.897759562841536,7.183825934426228,14.101147540983607,66.39603825136614,56.049180327868854,17.90601092896175,49.683060109289606,10.504223727775694,5.045778142076501,492,11,106,5,3,143,91,122,0.0,0.828,0.172,0.9717,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,5,0,0,9,5,0,0,10,0,5,2,1,1,1,19,10,12,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,7,1,1,3,1,0,2,2,0,1,2,3,4,7,5,15,5,1,23,0,0,1,0,6,7,0,1,13,65,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24265519562364035,0.0,0.2741124263328703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16687018993705074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895820580041199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778417142876636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557352107526048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044109038819126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373619940764092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29112703779946625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872455050327837,0.29152561035432906,0.1854942274130209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587740625927277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107394697612292,0.0,0.0,0.1937555408259676,0.2917718632154876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461263541991545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17628045840130746 bpd,Zico505,2020/01/22,"Need Some Insight From People Who Have Lived With BPD All their Lives! I’ve always felt like I’ve handled having a FP with great emotional and mental maturity, via clear communication, I’ve had my fair share of toxicity and gut wrenching moments along with paranoia. But to an extent I’ve always taken pride in how I handled it. Now here is my issue? What if my favorite person is in another country! What if it’s long distance? Its affecting me so badly I can’t think straight or navigate throughout my day in the simplest ways without having my stomach in knots… Texting is **BAD**! I learned that the hard way, I just pine over every single word and sentence trying to figure out how they’d say it, if it was face to face, and its locked me in this paranoid fucking hellish loop. **God fucking forbid I fuck up and piss them off somehow!** I didn’t get any sleep last night because I messed up bad by being the fucking idiot that I am, and I couldn’t fucking sleep. Just playing it over and over in my head. Talking on the phone isn’t *that* bad, even though I prefer Actual face to Face interaction… I read a comment made by a user on here and I like how they put it. \--------------- u/bpdbearrug “IMO in hating having a ""favorite person"". You will lead a much healthier life by NOT having that type of relationship with someone. Having a ""favorite person"" is absolutely not an inevitability and should never, ever, ever be seen as such when discussing BPD as it really perpetuates the thinking in our community that having a ""favorite person"" is a thing we should accept.” \------------ That Right there\^ I’m Curious as to how anyone got over this whole FP problem, Its affecting my mental and physical health in ways I can’t properly put into words…I just need some guidance from people who have experienced this and are willing to drop some words of wisdom that I can practically apply in my day to day life. Thanks in advance? And Any Advice on my current predicament? Should I Just not text them if it’s affecting my Mental/Physical health this badly? Just call them? Moderate myself as much I could? ALL ADVICE WELCOME! Is it possible to sever the FP Problem without severing the connection with the Person Themselves Since I really genuinely care for them?",3.245729863960268,5.939183548693588,4.4261514791621694,80.37127645217015,78.12114014251782,6.677629021809543,26.907849276614122,7.84624498591911,1.991379572446556,1778,73,304,30,44,581,219,421,0.113,0.759,0.128,0.6141,1,0,0,0,0,0,82.0,2,1,7,3,21,29,9,0,18,0,33,19,10,9,6,76,52,29,0,14,16,0,2,2,0,5,4,1,0,5,28,21,0,1,8,2,0,4,11,18,0,0,8,5,40,11,52,34,10,46,1,0,1,5,26,25,6,9,15,222,68,4,0.0,0.0,0.07602038529129049,0.0,0.0,0.1522484051803543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964016565124506,0.0,0.0,0.10595104643291448,0.08168625584168439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054470367215782016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252214605356055,0.047487880621924994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19622780154707328,0.0,0.07954588893796448,0.0,0.07942551902297243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219781143669019,0.0,0.0,0.15071959023794335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762842411959174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05145304273587475,0.14093228608300004,0.06563516529371335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479741918591383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36009226440754777,0.04070018930522098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06230474823748752,0.085886406170307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978422109682728,0.07691135914252888,0.07994915983146178,0.16561077768874066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130866848810035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349991833136162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004791725938612,0.07611723429685996,0.0,0.13757646678728053,0.06894015727256228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371204892369704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23551842059953698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453276840567912,0.11552558365898012,0.06008224857919374,0.0,0.0,0.07310504852845924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801383994605612,0.3401018455410245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782195759511731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490819561717918,0.0,0.15662455096435282,0.0,0.0,0.07792233393339178,0.0,0.09981107457196348,0.0,0.0,0.08363679172141797,0.0,0.06652724420162162,0.0,0.061950202912586384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17601248379055878,0.0,0.06444072128252105,0.0,0.15591502420226255,0.0,0.06600547865430301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261407611187512,0.0,0.0717210071670183,0.0,0.0,0.0517541308207668,0.09983195449245988,0.0765375852986958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05288983704339608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18550316527966768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697396667907857,0.0,0.15018805547286732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,drummerkid38,2020/01/22,"For those searching for a cure... https://www.thelastsymptom.com/ Look no further. I’ve been following this guy for a while, before he made a website/podcast/business about it all and was simply posting his experience and insights on many BPD related Quora posts. He really goes deep into the nitty gritty of the disorder; why it develops, many harmful misconceptions about it, and how to ultimately free yourself from it. I think you’ll find that what he says makes a lot of sense and is definitely worth investigating and applying to your own life. I truly believe his insights have the potential to transform the mainstream perspective of this disorder and help people rid themselves of it once and for all.",13.123196721311484,10.891797057377056,11.626,55.16900000000002,53.836065573770504,14.678032786885247,47.35081967213114,13.023866798666859,6.282220983606558,579,28,85,15,5,183,87,122,0.061,0.831,0.10800000000000001,0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,8,0,5,1,0,3,2,18,10,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,10,8,0,0,4,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,3,2,6,2,16,6,4,8,0,0,1,0,10,4,0,1,1,58,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380255178953712,0.2168805607064072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424458716580173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4412412808844886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18830105278898115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594068560048265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19060436891570495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290280858078618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596780381652895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165075783461194,0.0,0.0,0.16365584690888862,0.0,0.18214729831457666,0.12849464082804146,0.3903277372164694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20500525390047214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345463471733895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3687218430797092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233198496081504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15308300685344012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334564743335652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370049210188912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sustainableme99,2020/01/22,Is the internet Sterotype true? I got told about a month ago I have BPD symptoms... and I am starting DBT soon. I'm actually really happy about that. I thought I was stuck feeling this and now that I have an option to rewire and try to do better I actually am relieved. Ive dealt with an extremely debilitating amount of self hate inability to let people in and denying my emotions existence to the point I could not function. I went and read some things online to learn tho and found out the stereotypes and am wondering if it is true... I always try hard to accept my mistakes and make sure my SO feels validated and loved but Idk... it makes me second guess myself a lot. A lot of the stuff makes us out to be huge narcs and I wasn't sure if it's true and if I just am not seeing myself or subconsciously something else...,3.037386759581881,4.906034585365855,4.448083623693378,84.03646341463417,75.09756097560975,7.3686411149825775,25.12891986062717,8.192908349453996,1.5093602787456448,648,22,131,11,14,215,104,164,0.063,0.774,0.163,0.938,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,1,7,12,1,0,9,0,15,2,0,3,5,44,33,18,0,5,8,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,14,0,0,7,1,0,1,3,2,0,1,8,4,20,10,15,22,4,11,0,0,1,1,4,5,0,10,5,93,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.28933993476456205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141409211960994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335532413006495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111449094480498,0.0,0.0,0.1867148498428104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183650321859936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384329786232608,0.16676054995730766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991863804589728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16254774574395328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856853738297515,0.0,0.1633133581383765,0.0,0.0,0.15781417558818006,0.13280228653395856,0.1463655278231183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159499096198725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520725692091251,0.13380081440026842,0.0,0.2968727502399636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833120616213122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277742372624582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014354158923847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828945506260835,0.0,0.09497232122270433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813552743295536,0.0,0.1546563901431551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412958218868595,0.0,0.0,0.10493164354197712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971002216319309,0.0,0.0,0.27944649073671585,0.15408782447465955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849027190600727,0.0,0.0,0.11769341371761903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165859428987054,0.0,0.2013031365364283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17832569857468925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742862035509604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077008174338894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,titsnpie,2020/01/22,"how do i love with BPD? Hey. So this is my first time ever reaching out to others about this, but I think I've really needed to for a long time. I've been struggling with BPD for years just alone. My relationship of three years just ended and I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO OR HOW TO COPE. The end of the relationship was my fault too because I don't know how to get better. I've been trying so hard for so long but I keep falling back into my old patterns. I feel disgusted with myself. I just need anyone to talk to me or just comment. Anything.",0.8262094395280251,2.963531495575221,2.59754424778761,93.21159660766962,83.60176991150442,5.18259587020649,18.26622418879056,6.42735559955562,-0.15902890855457266,421,10,93,4,12,139,68,113,0.157,0.777,0.066,-0.8933,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,14,5,1,1,3,0,8,1,0,3,1,25,17,11,0,2,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,3,2,13,2,18,14,0,15,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,2,12,66,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720541406711555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615761285562835,0.0,0.1367057201713781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773893625033197,0.0,0.1012675172679514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692298769007633,0.0,0.0,0.4184541828646229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29427273024342304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026847405707133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399717702219056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413048064294288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679282101657795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488142810839771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476584527974423,0.0,0.0,0.18259457515380892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294028643755948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499332016270298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463573628652223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17431896704871067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642315034251544,0.0,0.0,0.3567095494244619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366864914350028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352400551117932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644541347241017,0.0,0.0,0.1937362296196833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278714518201495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21395654157151728 bpd,JamleyChick,2020/01/22,"DAE... DAE have moments throughout the day where your brain just offers up embarrassing moment after cringe worthy moment of things you’ve done in the past? Ex: Cringe worthy moment from elementary school just popped in my mind making me feel all kinds of gross - but my brain hates me so yeah.",4.753962264150943,7.4789806226415125,3.9062641509433966,85.9363773584906,72.9622641509434,5.749433962264153,18.147169811320754,6.742157984588678,0.0767539622641511,235,4,41,2,5,69,41,53,0.127,0.7559999999999999,0.11699999999999999,-0.1432,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,4,4,1,1,2,1,2,2,2,1,1,7,5,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,1,7,4,1,11,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,7,23,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6288627487245589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18165067089724246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882411623103009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241832429708082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780859468726573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933108303576678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18801362378837974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844014306420662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688811838117899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850600918565837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18712575924179795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,beatdatpussycallpeta,2020/01/22,I just found videos of my friends molesting me while I was asleep Please please I just need anyone to talk to. 2 separate people on separate occasions. I just found these and I can’t process this. They were trusted friends. Help,1.6863122923588032,4.406213976744184,1.6243189368770778,94.35813953488376,95.27906976744184,6.178073089700997,24.74750830564784,7.447530270364453,1.6274345514950168,183,8,36,4,7,54,32,43,0.077,0.5870000000000001,0.336,0.8957,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,7,6,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,8,3,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,22,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828020245083886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5733018293123769,0.40396937728037896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523493894651132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19385136960538107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812467000529348,0.0,0.0,0.5739561096120991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21013223264367487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,marcellesucks,2020/01/22,No one wants me I feel so bad to say I'm lonely. No one wants me for me. But maybe it's what I deserve for hurting people. All I do is sleep and over eat. I don't go to therapy right now because I need to find a new one.,-2.2612578616352192,-0.7341703018867901,1.2134905660377378,102.0955817610063,91.64150943396228,4.2880503144654085,16.38050314465409,5.46131890053228,-0.9539157232704404,166,4,47,1,6,60,38,53,0.265,0.735,0.0,-0.92,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,1,8,9,3,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,3,0,2,8,0,6,9,1,5,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20344602905485867,0.14853295235884498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493251405964479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320188180285276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227009425690378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384776658005033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608432063498092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447893485609661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18067089738602315,0.0,0.2353284698088417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4953312257912434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892325297200328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20808441783781054,0.0,0.19376831345864706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438360962688511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27864659137409825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874341128308205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fishdonthavefeeling,2020/01/22,"DBT doesn't work and I want to die I'm fucking sick and tired of DBT. It doesn't fucking work, the whole mindfulness bullshit doesn't fucking work. I hate this, I hate myself, I'm tired of of this. This is no life. There is no life worth living for me, I just want to out myself out of my msiery. Fuck this fuck this fuck this. I'm so fucking sick of doctors playing human guinea pig with me. Nothing fucking works, it's all bullshit",0.8109999999999999,3.0591592111111114,1.8177777777777813,98.06000000000004,84.66666666666667,4.044444444444443,21.22222222222221,4.935628992294339,-0.2949777777777776,339,11,75,1,10,106,46,90,0.38,0.532,0.08800000000000001,-0.9867,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,4,3,11,10,0,1,0,5,15,0,0,1,10,20,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,8,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,5,10,0,0,0,0,9,1,11,20,2,2,0,0,0,8,1,2,8,0,0,43,17,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147222311380406,0.0,0.0,0.11314154866455067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8175336267201714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182691374918192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615420303822955,0.0,0.0,0.09760813317959877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161307442139363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060653375817316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25409708429515315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303977607927368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341306214667755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218953980191812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,athensblue,2020/01/22,"The Mirror, The Rambler & The Slob *Why did I stop to look in the mirror?* I'm certain my face hasn't changed in the past 30 minutes, yet I still got up and stared at my reflection. Am I a narcissist? No...I'm sure narcissists like the person staring back at them. Admire them, even. I'm not fond of the person scowling at me. For one, they're extremely boring. So boring in fact, that they second guess themselves constantly. *Why did I say that? OMG shut up you aren't funny. Can you stop stuttering...at least pretend to be semi articulate!* Due to my hardwiring, this is a constant loop. It can get exhausting. So, I go to sleep. Then it continues when my dreams pick up the slack. *Mirror, Mirror on the wall...why can't I be cool? Interesting. Mysterious. Why couldn't I have a je ne sais quoi? Why on earth do I feel like a background character in my own life? A set extra? Really? Not even supporting cast?* My mouth opens. I'm talking. No, worse. I'm rambling. Trying to empty my mind. Hoping something I say sticks with my audience. Then I see it. The awkward smile. Excusing themselves to go find someone who can hold a normal conversation. I know what's happened, and I need a moment to regroup...actually, it's more like having a mini breakdown but pretending things are fine. Until the next round. *'Sweatpants* are a sign of defeat. You lost control of your life so you bought some sweatpants.' Karl Lagerfeld, I image, mumbled this scathing remark while adjusting his signature black, fingerless gloves. While I'm aware he of all people *knew* fashion, I just can't help but think his statement was not completely accurate. See, I wear sweatpants. *But,* I am in control of my life. I am the captain of my ship. I know this. It's just that my mind thinks I'm the Titanic. This is reflected in my wardrobe. But then I remember, that's the point. I AM a background extra! The point is to blend in with the scenery. The *je ne sais quoi* people get the designer, tailored clothes. Sometimes, in my mind I'm the star. No, not just a star. THE protagonist. Dazzling. Charismatic. All the adjectives used to describe Edward in the dreadful Twilight books. I wish I could project that image into real life, but the mirror....the mirror, refuses to reflect it. So I wait...until I'm brave enough to break the mirror.",0.8674643492370571,3.361156496583145,2.3721989577807605,88.76617561706243,97.92938496583143,5.321196991918121,22.870190657471838,6.9114219656785965,1.2319254906855557,1798,74,335,32,73,581,228,439,0.099,0.831,0.07,-0.8684,0,0,1,0,0,0,114.0,0,5,3,4,13,20,0,2,35,1,26,9,4,4,5,57,57,18,0,6,12,0,2,3,0,0,5,2,0,2,18,6,0,6,13,4,1,2,11,7,0,2,7,11,47,13,39,46,9,45,0,2,7,0,22,22,0,3,22,207,65,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636152644116607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548267657071693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384534870859843,0.0,0.10292393157545353,0.2121625635047097,0.22020035442048996,0.07837660996077267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143048585059737,0.0,0.12967385728385114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049635075507392816,0.07012895712152811,0.0,0.0,0.08972085440764586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257411921163466,0.0,0.11157864307777704,0.0,0.07851136299681925,0.0,0.10813960116263258,0.0,0.08680681387641126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579780033113983,0.0,0.0,0.09749980205079184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078976204474742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773468226229689,0.1438750973541138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824337137204213,0.0,0.1071584819642854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29735541168599844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278795991195675,0.0,0.0,0.10439938498660982,0.0,0.09618066765654557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651901316642747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370941504111573,0.1361102329530434,0.17142744465882329,0.0,0.0,0.18559494294567225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173304039976284,0.06288688846757168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120158927267462,0.0,0.0,0.15612918778059456,0.0,0.0,0.15644928210847986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823569959019966,0.0,0.08317472168660127,0.07557206366600458,0.09708750334123917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839454098901083,0.16414034692618376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139625870344932,0.09251916805531853,0.0,0.0,0.07890115275952737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521633529383712,0.12580008810826915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664745966276514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478287443917303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4428923449178397,0.0,0.1128846824814696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000383239118924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,brittybear94,2020/01/22,Trying not to spiral into self harm It’s after midnight and I’m feeling dejected and unwanted. Fighting with the urge to self harm. Perspective needed.,2.90111111111111,5.723830222222228,4.4345185185185185,72.88733333333334,98.62962962962965,6.604444444444448,27.62222222222222,7.554174236665415,3.1223244444444447,124,6,16,3,5,41,23,27,0.41600000000000004,0.541,0.043,-0.9201,0,0,0,0,2,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,3,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,10,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21329412628784195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31278776459971125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8801387216529245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28640052488600265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tehsauciness,2020/01/22,"Just lost my fp and I'm trying to figure out if I'm in the wrong I moved in with my favorite person in December. They needed someone to fulfill the rest of their lease. I am being 100 percent transparent, I just need to know if I'm in the wrong. I only paid 200 of the 450 portion to move in first month. I did eat their food, but always asked if they wanted anything if I was eating out. I always offered the meals that I cooked. I always replaced what I was asked to replace. I did use some of her body and face wash that she told me I could use. I was supposed to find a therapist sooner than I did, and I did have an episode while I was there and not seeing a therapist. That was my end of the bargain She had told me that she had relapsed on meth not too long ago, but that there wouldn't be any of that going on. One day on a car ride she casually admitted that she likes to use heroine on occasion (most notably when she's sick). That she wasn't shooting it and it wasn't an everyday occasion. She was always fighting with her boyfriend and slamming doors in the middle of the night, and that is really triggering for me, but I didn't say anything because I didn't want her to yell at me. I was constantly afraid that she was going to make her boyfriend leave, and I would be left with more rent that I couldn't afford. A lot of times when I would try to vent to her, she would change the subject and say she didn't want to talk about mental health. I found out that she was using heroine a lot more than I thought, and she was dope sick so I bought her and her boyfriend some kratom to help withdrawals so that she didn't have to tell the treatment center that she was sick and needed to go to a detox. She kept using. She then brought people over who had meth, who were crowding the bathroom and wouldn't get out, so I had to drive to the Walmart down the street so I didn't piss my pants and I ended up using because it was readily available. One stopped charging their ankle monitor and was on the run from AP&P, and was storing stolen goods at the house. One day my car keys were on the floor of my car, and when I started the car the radio station was different. It was a pretty popular station, pretty far away from the station that was on their previously, and it wasn't even in my presets. Plus, I use apple carplay anyway so that part of the radio never gets touched. My hubcap also magically goes disappearing. It could have been coincidence, but it doesn't seem like it to me. I tried to be ok with everything, but this was the breaking point. Albeit I probably should have gone about it another route, I asked why my hub cap was give, I told the squatters to get the fuck out and gave my friend the ultimatum of going to detox or me moving out. She told me that I'm not on the lease and she can have whoever she wants at the house and that what she does is none of my business, so if I didn't like it I can get out and that my money is not a loss to her. So I moved out. She said our friendship is over, I told her that I wasn't going to pay rent out of spite, but I am paying my portion the rest of the lease because I don't want them out on the streets. Even if I didn't pay rent, am I in the wrong? I just feel conflicted about this situation. I'm angry because I'm worried about her and I don't want to be the one to find her dead because she's overdosed.",5.285993453355153,4.630659582978726,5.770638297872343,85.8869230769231,68.06382978723404,8.762684124386253,29.708128750681944,7.882392219407189,1.665135297326786,2646,82,589,27,39,855,269,705,0.08900000000000001,0.828,0.083,-0.4899,6,0,2,1,2,0,60.0,1,0,7,3,24,18,4,1,41,1,72,16,3,9,1,103,130,50,1,24,20,0,2,3,1,6,7,4,4,1,36,38,5,3,9,4,11,19,23,10,0,5,56,7,107,8,88,60,14,83,0,2,1,1,66,43,2,13,23,423,143,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563943828034149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050876071336323145,0.21174433449644114,0.06893113285136976,0.0,0.04326308459928205,0.06671004234611365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470599150229838,0.0,0.1784254611320897,0.0,0.05977212123722039,0.0,0.0,0.19390768340242756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066633937278469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730043999310943,0.0,0.0,0.06874951093861899,0.0,0.1015891496561862,0.0,0.0,0.08205795163916503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664682882843402,0.0,0.0,0.055673393758227024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019618787416584,0.0,0.0,0.11269505750600288,0.0,0.0,0.08403946598798652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571766325702367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03216766530499555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629318122155445,0.05411426764983092,0.07692831711920574,0.06975492239426859,0.04915186228456971,0.05881471726086186,0.13295315468042868,0.06102911786027947,0.1807806480105434,0.05336057786257135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762399548585364,0.0,0.0,0.04264245792356623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14681551104543347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034963324889501164,0.0,0.0,0.0673633086883498,0.0691222025027569,0.0,0.0,0.09324305302449784,0.0,0.0,0.056300790917797224,0.0,0.0,0.0694476264452367,0.10817315504703336,0.0,0.0,0.04246615983339383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411296347468445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050780058898274284,0.27046760908019085,0.0,0.14151799158636427,0.04906687551864042,0.0,0.0,0.05970209838604897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724394557745784,0.048385097281361665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889315031973073,0.0,0.044105386900905874,0.0555496350867275,0.0,0.0,0.0601404948612087,0.0,0.0,0.1294467380536535,0.06859201522416564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040755944452953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060516213840010886,0.10118472482466408,0.0,0.0,0.050696086312217184,0.05791632549402612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151039344985471,0.0,0.0,0.053904151080665534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0450298379622158,0.0,0.0,0.053188311783477694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05113452227485327,0.05560578828483263,0.0,0.0,0.14773306685399604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505063598551594,0.03709673594275282,0.0,0.0,0.30395328480089623,0.0,0.12957932393236926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38462457656662574,0.0,0.0,0.2251447186555733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057406229654429534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460815726846578,0.0,0.13557928360388366,0.20867208632176784,0.0,0.0 bpd,JayeBerrie,2020/01/22,"Cats!! I know this is weird but... do any of you guys have cats? I was always a dog person but through some situations - that I don’t feel like explaining - over the years I now have 3 cats. I was just in the middle of a meltdown snot cry moment and my cuddly one popped up out of nowhere and crawled up on my chest and started purring in the darkness. Suddenly no tears. Ive noticed that when I’m crying, all of them tend to come and cuddle with or near me and purr and sometimes, like right now, I go from crying hysterically to feeling fine. They’re like feeling sponges. Something about the purr maybe? Anyways if any of you cat lovers were on the fence about adopting one I’d say do it. I have two barn cat rescues and an SPCA rescue. I know they’ve saved my life at least once.",2.2887601078167137,4.114965427672956,3.014128481581313,93.68108490566038,77.11320754716981,5.549146451033244,23.93575920934412,6.1826913282559595,0.38630422282120414,609,20,134,4,14,191,106,159,0.12,0.7,0.18,0.892,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,1,0,7,7,0,0,8,0,11,4,1,0,1,25,22,12,0,1,5,0,3,3,1,0,1,1,0,2,4,10,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,3,4,16,6,22,19,3,21,0,0,0,2,8,12,0,3,10,83,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224494713671068,0.0,0.0,0.2325051178887376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472591707255769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5633450201153244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593139237487782,0.12212744619064582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715540689484564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16926839131726418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18790042481969965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207477643555152,0.250554106769891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717432816727794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19462887465653064,0.0,0.1820572620487348,0.2316816771440024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926784086415176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599124101813166,0.0,0.1359471162990561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19215611431003232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160645071182436,0.16907493461715073,0.0,0.12100001515020822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16699431095916534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008685504587727 bpd,ravetildawn,2020/01/22,"2 year relationship ending. I (F20) just got out of a two year relationship(M21), and i literally either feel all the feelings in the world to the point where I just have to sit there and like cry, smoke, take an anti anxiety so I don't freak out, or I can't feel absolutely anything at all. Haven't been eating, haven't been falling asleep until almost 6am. How do I deal?",4.407599999999999,5.118930560000003,5.678666666666667,81.06600000000002,70.06666666666666,8.666666666666668,25.666666666666664,8.841846274778883,1.6468666666666674,292,8,61,5,5,98,54,75,0.102,0.8029999999999999,0.095,-0.1209,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,5,0,8,2,1,1,2,15,13,6,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,3,3,6,1,8,10,3,13,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,2,5,40,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23454058564420285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791800185242665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927456414202333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257283060023693,0.0,0.24147371538945298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396686892719453,0.0,0.0,0.20745213174747307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552906873758022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873295973381858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442956800801064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22141652241742946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5029358743609859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610661010038506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288019195838105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016639741889242 bpd,uioopkjhgddaaq,2020/01/22,"I’m actually a huge piece of shit and I need to change that! Can people change though? Just wanted to say that out there to everyone. I’ve hurt too many people in the past and present. I wish I was nice enough not to have done those things but sometimes I forget. I just forget about how the other person feels. I also just want to say those hurtful things, as if hurting the other person will make me less hurt you know? Well what else can I do other than become better? I’ve been reading self-improvement books and considering DBT therapy and I did see a doctor who diagnosed me with BPD but I really don’t think I’m changing. Is it possible to change because I’m back to square one and I’ve hurt someone again? I’ve had people tell me “you will never change” and words like that have hurt me. I wonder if they’re right.",1.8141000352236683,4.072964802395212,3.0088411412469185,90.987470940472,80.61676646706587,5.845579429376541,18.80556533990842,7.048011613610866,0.21599711165903512,650,15,135,8,17,209,103,167,0.182,0.725,0.09300000000000001,-0.9628,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,1,12,11,1,0,5,0,14,3,1,2,1,30,27,14,0,6,8,0,1,1,0,2,2,2,0,2,13,8,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,7,1,1,5,5,16,4,14,20,3,9,0,6,2,0,8,4,1,3,6,89,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.09153156854515103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500879348837589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212349410223348,0.0,0.05717729768869855,0.1035905423190384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295512352930058,0.0,0.0,0.11813304022959213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4961197545844949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520117652024553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600439316682384,0.0,0.0959860859250719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835469594867292,0.0,0.0,0.0969165559620636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962629609911088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04742618092334769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6024646823220382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05154794282299864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045824089300614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260969704461475,0.0950946328101645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954869959473876,0.07234141780656475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355873786882138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953909360526885,0.1950794413294056,0.16379846152154226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574113115298536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382159038385636,0.0,0.06008825250452615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010144896566809,0.0,0.14918101829007865,0.0,0.0,0.07474343377899664,0.0,0.09784990092606896,0.0,0.09628045941686084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947322248699534,0.0,0.09276684787498556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819820198506074,0.0,0.10726413803750943,0.0,0.1246280653423222,0.06010082263204398,0.09215429793211713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064686707034356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433405528206013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078610099836241,0.0,0.10171798627851826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kendeh,2020/01/22,"Anyone else here find silence unbearable? Not sure if it’s directly a symptom of my BPD or my ADHD or just from being a “damn millennial” with too much access to technology but I rarely spend any time in silence. I have something playing in the background AT ALL TIMES. I’m running out of shows to watch because I work from home and have no friends so Netflix or Hulu or YouTube or whatever is constantly going on my TV for 8+ hours a day whether I’m watching or not. I sleep on a futon in my living room every night and fall asleep with it still going. I put YouTube videos or podcasts on while getting dressed or using the bathroom or making food. Listen to the radio or music always in the car. If my phone is dead or I forget to put something on for more than a few minutes, my mind will wander to hypothetical scenarios or arguments and I will just start talking out loud to myself. This has been my reality ever since I left my parents house for college, 6 years ago. I think I am so lonely and sad and scared of my own thoughts or of being faced to confront how shit my life is that if I’m not distracted 24/7 then I’ll fall apart. It’s been going on so long, I’m not sure I could ever stop.",3.9622496998799512,4.849625738775512,5.202016806722689,83.43563025210084,71.20408163265307,7.560624249699881,29.10564225690276,7.724431198458867,1.7599531812725089,946,36,191,11,17,315,148,245,0.168,0.797,0.035,-0.9873,1,2,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,11,11,3,2,9,0,14,7,4,3,5,48,28,29,1,4,24,1,0,0,1,2,2,2,3,0,5,9,1,1,3,6,1,9,5,7,0,0,3,4,22,4,31,20,5,40,0,2,2,0,5,15,2,16,16,127,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683717306503992,0.0,0.12305740534211868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551109837418012,0.0,0.0,0.0944037805403882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706763200019848,0.14223963482553195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462465660306445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484156067209866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001736013562267,0.0,0.11083814155020293,0.0,0.0,0.0895287625684702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596804161670933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511450533876292,0.11696359684456922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688087384510502,0.0,0.16786422036082482,0.0,0.10725360115309268,0.0,0.07252881153099612,0.0,0.2366873760224632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924987355023194,0.0,0.13671179351714466,0.16018205143060982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083060526032913,0.0,0.09805414651057648,0.0,0.0,0.12258244741671286,0.12285317977863773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926648219940214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401707355790081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205020806565543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027512591949494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541455007080042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791090835679042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898512822128314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14249887883994167,0.11483506609198668,0.0,0.13892234407575568,0.0,0.0,0.21374405180438052,0.0,0.0,0.09825898869968247,0.0,0.11086349913899114,0.11606148196387503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616763508948611,0.14428930390056627,0.0,0.11157993618774352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895158887167358,0.0,0.11020923163068837,0.16189655227507682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989771237650375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106413373556733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893968734839272 bpd,futile7,2020/01/22,"Have you told your FP they are your FP? Have you told your fp they are your fp? If so, how did it go? Was it better for the relationship and it helped you or did they walked away or made the relationship worse? Did they used it to blame you for stuff? I'm going starting to think I have a new fp but don't know how to go about it because last time I fucked things up really bad. So I wanted to know your experiences with that and see if I telling them would be beneficial.",2.1056999999999992,3.411266770000001,3.3270000000000017,93.47350000000002,76.3,7.0,19.5,7.645422480735847,0.1474000000000002,367,7,90,5,8,119,59,100,0.147,0.8,0.053,-0.9042,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,9,5,1,5,3,1,0,3,0,12,1,0,4,0,17,27,11,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,3,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,7,1,18,1,10,18,0,10,0,0,1,1,20,2,1,4,4,62,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797682403570435,0.0,0.1597591408455425,0.1166377980751955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16922280937781925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871651652895516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688879046337574,0.0,0.0,0.32622518636555664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824975033084926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21030859411773267,0.15596591288399614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18104853207750066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18479532054675346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257594789583012,0.0,0.0,0.4108505621518929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247152084776658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542993901627795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21903609984740127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723774406396694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711638803781075,0.12260159010094425,0.0,0.0,0.11157065878508356,0.0,0.0,0.3656630952918238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525449824208918,0.0,0.0,0.1128560413021636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19498965011973027,0.135920942951587,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,The-Lasagna,2020/01/22,"Does anyone else have trouble hiding their mental health while at work? I just started a new job as an Aged Care nurse, I have previous experience and knowledge. Though I am getting quite exhausted each day i work (which is now full time). I’m hiding all of my emotions (which also includes depression and anxiety which is pretty much what most people with BPD experience). Ican go on autopilot when I’m at work, but it can only last for so long. I’m really tired when I get home and I feel horrible, and now I’m being triggered by the other nurses with horrible attitudes and how they speak to me because I’m new. Plus the lack of communication and the lack of help that I have received has not helped at all. Does anyone else struggle with their BPD and pretty much any other mental illnesses while they’re at work?",4.671666666666667,6.355982573248411,5.4462579617834415,79.31847399150746,70.40127388535029,8.545435244161357,27.09607218683652,9.075114841892004,2.2536798301486205,652,22,119,13,12,212,100,157,0.21600000000000005,0.716,0.068,-0.9747,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,3,5,9,5,0,1,5,0,9,4,0,2,2,24,20,18,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,8,12,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,0,2,12,1,16,19,9,22,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,1,14,79,20,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099087223059317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426002246880596,0.0,0.0947874061178792,0.0,0.0,0.17327528212350293,0.2539117556044603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553167284162532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121094038052716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632996544700836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990882888843967,0.0,0.10671966810530648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21686116246370185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070143745590121,0.13937706580176062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24240680577466295,0.0,0.0,0.06265036870285792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294710710578582,0.0,0.07041837910719141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170580488759276,0.0,0.0,0.1661025558415421,0.0,0.12428736865152545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295713880233153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099956018378126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965251210552528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24973530172225844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18216967107328286,0.0,0.0,0.2393375033572241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423575368804267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590050676431384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521129771013944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178880358251632,0.0,0.0,0.07937706770451168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770098557711163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953298297266766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217365731457809,0.0,0.07225032225528336,0.14241120174950522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.360818862575365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dreamingsunshine,2020/01/22,"Would being diagnosed hurt my chances in becoming a doctor? Hi all, I recently discovered that many of the symptoms that I have been having aligns a lot with BPD. I am not diagnosed so this is merely just an assumption and not official, but I was just wondering if getting diagnosed with BPD would hurt my chances getting into/pursuing becoming a doctor. I am on the fence on talking about it with my therapist but if getting diagnosed with it would look bad on job apps/med school apps (the stigma sadly is real :/), I would rather find a way in trying to manage it myself. Also, is there any advice you could give to help manage it? Thank youuuu",5.961557377049183,6.93514249180328,6.800122950819674,73.4710040983607,66.70491803278689,10.69016393442623,31.643442622950825,10.686352973137794,3.6628327868852457,512,20,88,14,8,170,77,122,0.121,0.7979999999999999,0.081,-0.8025,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,8,0,15,7,0,0,1,25,22,7,0,8,9,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,1,11,1,13,14,2,7,0,3,1,0,5,5,0,4,1,69,18,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071138703329765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878632409809184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840041493859717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314179264536176,0.0,0.2728567788151795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111616186873317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986280819173689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5015184935460162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252874913917612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290352801227975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19361685783431648,0.1185005456988166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279907544215458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26448130766935524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225837538774286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373348724370493,0.0,0.0,0.10502018014075756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523930568526934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060336963974315,0.0,0.0,0.12197026565283307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501823071808135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839422500114206,0.0,0.0992881595878708,0.0,0.1137291683850493,0.0,0.14342702019745462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386827542673339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805179613518077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396223951625294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510066376140201,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bwt666,2020/01/22,"How do y’all cope with jealousy?? I’ve found jealousy to be an aggressive symptom tied to my fear of abandonment... and very easily a trigger for an episode. I overreact, lash out, want to get “revenge” and overall just get VERY angry when I get this jealousy feeling... I’ve been working on radical self love and etc etc with my therapist but I’m in the early stages and it just seems like the cycle will never end. Idk it’s like i forget everything, every coping skill, at the first hint of feeling less than and jealous. Idk just a realization I’ve made recently and think it might be an important step in my recovery",2.0882142857142867,4.756738250000005,3.5845238095238123,84.63000000000005,83.16666666666666,7.095238095238094,26.904761904761905,8.192908349453996,2.2299761904761906,490,22,91,11,14,161,81,120,0.162,0.693,0.146,-0.2716,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,3,5,7,2,1,8,0,6,2,0,3,1,26,18,9,0,1,4,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,9,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,3,2,7,3,14,11,3,13,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,2,8,56,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683908889842188,0.0,0.42407062924227773,0.0,0.0,0.16018525068853448,0.0,0.17086861128960065,0.0,0.0,0.21393912647635308,0.19226191022499745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16171693484959795,0.0,0.20845800433387074,0.0,0.0,0.29799132817383583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857671600733864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17159174137094518,0.17989720880216747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20168847283414626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466331349592994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877216780922336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307913501209135,0.1983378009899096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197608648678108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207452838700075,0.0,0.1218219424415219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137396843532339,0.11213836750706473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841044594041227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Bpdonewithit,2020/01/22,"I'm so done(tw: suicide) I'm sitting at work contemplating suicide. I'm so sick of having to deal with life. I've been numbing it out but my gf hates me smoking weed. I have to work two jobs just to live and now my hours got cut even more. I've been fighting with my gf, haven't really talked to my family in about 6 months. Im tired. I don't see why I should keep living if this is the life I have to live. I just want to die.",-0.4884374999999999,1.2679270312500002,1.7977500000000042,99.27225000000004,85.97916666666666,5.09,17.933333333333334,6.2581,-0.4796716666666665,329,8,85,3,10,111,63,96,0.258,0.727,0.013999999999999999,-0.9764,1,0,0,0,3,3,12.0,0,0,0,2,7,4,3,0,1,0,9,5,0,0,0,11,17,5,3,3,4,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,3,1,10,0,13,13,1,7,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,3,46,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18304314615718414,0.0,0.0,0.18426574006481314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816922093306352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172681095453004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16737549680656133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200054366098386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529089067682094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484801676188874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19178121173238533,0.0,0.17618798732180074,0.15781191864902067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508133733247223,0.0,0.0,0.4703317234575568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171631005963048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374114536649445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148196048815764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884151705482304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427055417161097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20406414180360266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17343760640729747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472181222816523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020853889434866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25851264027497656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,psychedelic-butler,2020/01/22,"Does anyone else live in a fantasy world it’s hard to escape from? Everyone I have spoke to so far has no idea what I’m talking about. Ever since I was younger I have had major obsessions, certain games, animes, movies etc. I have endured massive amounts of trauma all throughout my childhood and these universes and worlds that these games or animes were set in were a safe place for me to escape, and it has never changed. I still to this day find new obsessions to escape into, and forget about real life and the horrors that are happening around me, and live in these worlds. When I am pulled back to reality I realise how horrible everything is and I want to kill myself, I have attempted too more times than I can count, I take ketamine a whole lot to escape into these worlds easier as it makes me feel like I am part of that world, I hate it when I don’t have it because I have to live in the real world and deal with real world problems, I don’t want to live in this world. I understand this is just a coping mechanism but it is a seriously horrible one, everytime I’m not in this pretend world I’m wanting too or attempting to hurt myself or kill myself, the real world is hell on earth and I never want to come back to it. Has anyone had a similar experience? I would like to hear your stories, I have never spoken to anyone with a similar problem before and it would be nice to know I’m not the only one. If anyone has had this experience and gotten over it that would be awesome to learn how you did it. Thankyou in advance!",4.870211726384365,5.522953374592833,5.847965798045603,80.47559690553747,69.0,8.876156351791531,28.70504885993485,8.982922981607832,2.222888078175896,1214,41,237,21,20,402,152,307,0.159,0.7509999999999999,0.09,-0.9782,0,0,0,0,0,4,24.0,0,2,0,3,15,16,4,2,11,0,33,1,0,3,6,56,52,22,2,10,8,0,2,2,0,3,1,2,0,0,24,17,0,1,6,4,0,3,8,11,0,2,9,4,29,5,39,38,8,41,1,1,0,0,8,24,1,5,15,178,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737913197902217,0.1003011419534834,0.0,0.08714395629015655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505446396700927,0.0,0.05967359031201035,0.0,0.08329823381589671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355595027227713,0.08432463396647542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313175040356588,0.10092156836164072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566528236823034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177556852231978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109174607154157,0.0,0.08854822947782956,0.0,0.09353927329200104,0.08797833297651418,0.191512829948452,0.0,0.0,0.04949675141857072,0.0699335202455948,0.0,0.0,0.08947081841379652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865648987929696,0.0,0.08769132177383776,0.09664733139705896,0.0,0.0,0.11033054015276804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479459530155084,0.11050729274850883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166043029084948,0.0,0.05379846452684936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914347664311933,0.09564942877271744,0.0,0.3457590276980141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322363023178471,0.0,0.0,0.06534316174473384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264992734851916,0.09454396800918954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326672731188613,0.0744506979226434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600667171479107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227550900055407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18733738922434065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4456866415028993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097664395340891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817606940737061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360202853349189,0.07868126934138188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057081168309521126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019082314550576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309551546423718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929207173380456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20861738128713908,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bitterhello,2020/01/22,"Trouble getting diagnosed? Has anyone else been completely dismissed about bpd? Every time I talk to a therapist or doctor about my concerns about it (I am certain I have it) they just say not to worry about a diagnosis or tell me to seek therapy. When I seek therapy, they tell me I have anxiety, depression, or ptsd and never diagnosis anything more. I had no problem getting diagnosed bipolar 2 right away by two different drs and everyone just readily accepts that when I tell them. But no one seems to acknowledge borderline. I was even told they don't prescribe medicine for it, even though some people do take meds for it. I'm just sort of confused. I check every box and it's crippling my relationships with people but I can't seem to get help.",4.5209574468085085,6.743473241134755,5.479024822695038,76.70875000000002,71.90780141843972,9.239007092198582,33.026595744680854,9.725611199111238,3.6330042553191486,601,30,104,16,12,197,92,141,0.09699999999999999,0.841,0.062,-0.4046,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,4,0,12,6,0,1,2,0,10,5,0,0,2,23,18,11,0,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,4,0,1,0,6,4,0,2,4,1,18,2,15,14,2,6,0,1,0,0,12,2,0,8,4,75,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442779963905716,0.0,0.0,0.09544915925587903,0.13986797944069054,0.11233397222139324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282532109259149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192631184310184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312542856345814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757363741537707,0.2771043076592194,0.0,0.14262119564710354,0.0,0.13972112463903613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403442985858625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803237217344525,0.0,0.23002677107307798,0.1304386859301193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21395847224688236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149804352375901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162896583459967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528293467104073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250095795343502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892741088013633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061916142816518,0.15956986436129522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14655787836061132,0.0,0.11657658744065752,0.0,0.10855617624740824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24854244941917344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026365883101298,0.10971949020990822,0.3579404953001156,0.0,0.31221625397902525,0.15849563133924133,0.0,0.0,0.1341178431805944,0.0,0.07959857206081815,0.0,0.0,0.1304386859301193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334791017500616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862990722382734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,QueenRancid,2020/01/22,Splitting. No one deserves this. No one deserves to fall in love with and deal with me. Feel like a total waste of space. I wish my emotions were regular. I wish I could feel consistent in my feelings and not always want to run.,0.9506666666666668,3.5123026222222222,2.0194444444444457,93.9425,89.44444444444444,4.777777777777779,23.055555555555557,6.42735559955562,0.6405555555555558,178,7,36,2,6,56,33,45,0.157,0.617,0.226,0.6886,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,13,9,2,0,4,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,3,6,2,7,7,1,5,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214865432546885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20617313454791444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26622055259920346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904704596337755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39170177579778187,0.18447731943954054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615659961022532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330598218113896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499624048149157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230889167864076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5938962872035193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dwanielledalton,2020/01/22,"DAE binge and purge I’m so sorry if this comes off the wrong way But I just don’t know who else to ask about this I feel like binging and purging is my self harm but I’m not entirely sure if that counts?",-1.214057971014494,0.7916412173913088,0.4826086956521749,105.25768115942031,93.34782608695652,3.936231884057971,14.18840579710145,5.46131890053228,-1.3122637681159417,160,3,42,1,6,51,38,46,0.183,0.779,0.038,-0.6897,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,12,8,7,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,3,2,3,8,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31739215938890525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29245424589556823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836135907140068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166436934850465,0.24254306202359602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658354781349354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586541942884736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35417866685145705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38004902674281976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199802654576201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694839576408533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711963733293799,0.0,0.0 bpd,luvhley25,2020/01/22,"This probably won’t make sense but apparently I talk to myself and pretend other people are “watching” my life in my head and getting their input. I do this because I have no close friends or relationships and I long for it so badly I make it up myself :,) DAE? When I told my therapist this I saw the look of pity in her eyes and now I think I can never see her again",1.0444736842105264,3.21155318421053,3.175526315789476,89.21618421052631,82.94736842105263,5.905263157894738,21.34210526315789,7.1686216300943375,0.6431368421052639,286,9,61,4,8,97,56,76,0.161,0.7859999999999999,0.053,-0.8194,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,5,3,2,2,1,11,13,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,5,17,1,6,10,0,9,0,1,5,0,7,4,0,1,5,47,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22232161218166732,0.16231373786910772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057170286047637,0.0,0.13911338580691762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732665008795511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18807207819287572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356376925995593,0.22359700689460524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554702430846959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053613304858098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18459583659694195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28708058865061165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858708392518928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121801240746468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21401512562443092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091562163394744,0.0,0.17061298040924194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544292878340337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bloodyfurvault,2020/01/22,"Crippling Loneliness So I’ve always been in a relationship, with people I was genuinely interested in, but nevertheless always getting attention and affection...for four years. Now I’m finally not talking to anyone, at all, and I feel so incredibly anxious. I am not craving human interaction in general, my friends and family are very supportive. I just feel lost and devoid of purpose now that there isn’t someone pursuing me. It’s hard to articulate the feeling and what I assume is prompting it because it feels ridiculous....but of course it’s years of maladaptive coping mechanisms and a hallmark of bpd. I’m trying to keep myself distracted and reminding myself that everything eases with time, but damn this is a sickening feeling and I was not prepared.",7.736683250414593,9.329512402985074,8.53308457711443,60.40337479270318,63.02985074626864,12.224212271973464,41.00829187396352,11.855464076750405,5.9115117744610295,618,35,87,21,9,208,89,134,0.163,0.727,0.111,-0.8109,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,1,2,4,0,8,0,0,0,1,26,19,12,0,0,6,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,8,10,0,1,7,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,4,6,10,3,13,15,1,10,0,1,0,0,5,4,1,1,6,64,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32110146802250583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179797698171684,0.0,0.13491586337343284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762117168222842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430150980873459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341196588374366,0.0,0.1818970816165853,0.0,0.4878092524579117,0.0,0.0,0.2113684484111536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907350577430098,0.0,0.100808962014581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284624503858895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171503762463787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21062886858603436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337679661206662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20715722220447472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634868020027196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21895856963749014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508674844247958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251131132636176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100110010498506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15920482711487555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24850830540390484 bpd,princessrabbit889,2020/01/23,"DAE watch that movie Sharkboy and Lavagirl when you were a kid? If your answer to that question is yes, do you remember that scene where Lavagirl is trying to cross the ice bridge and she's struggling to keep cool so the ice bridge wont melt? She had to be asleep so she wouldnt destroy it. When she sleepwalks across the bridge, she says that it's her dream to live someplace warm so that people will accept her, even if she destroys everything she touches. She manages to stay asleep while walking some way across the bridge, but when she's woken up she immediately reheats and runs across the bridge, melting it along the way. I feel like this really reflects how I feel about my BPD. I'm sure there are many other lavagirls in this sub too, lol.",5.244689655172415,6.4080104689655215,4.469137931034481,88.84715517241379,68.44827586206897,6.90344827586207,27.603448275862068,6.742157984588678,1.0990551724137938,598,19,119,4,10,177,93,145,0.027999999999999997,0.835,0.13699999999999998,0.9241,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,0,0,12,8,2,1,7,3,10,2,2,1,1,19,15,14,0,3,3,0,4,1,0,3,0,1,0,1,11,4,0,1,7,1,0,3,2,3,0,0,3,7,18,5,13,8,1,16,0,0,1,0,18,6,0,4,5,78,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022852145519393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852487710853616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157062409933064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427133551787156,0.17146377137690832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21333263669978625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725715886903453,0.0,0.21193394336691088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433332912273404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639327620882371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688670374405006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15375707139239267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27188546161833,0.0,0.0,0.19086623028261374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558195901342321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509114116527892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262073490117405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295158598558485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810188204697478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Packiee,2020/01/23,"alcohol and self-harm I cut myself again.. The blood runs deep on my forearms and wrists.. The alcohol makes the pain subtle but warm.. 6 beers down, emotions turn into doubt.. Trying to escape this shit hole I´m stuck in..",2.4290243902439035,5.257683121951222,2.573853658536585,91.21443902439024,83.6341463414634,5.231219512195122,17.956097560975607,6.742157984588678,0.15311317073170685,172,4,32,2,5,52,37,41,0.256,0.7,0.044000000000000004,-0.8757,0,0,3,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,3,0,0,8,4,1,0,6,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,3,1,5,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,1,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6387356380308891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33615345318262385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994772348226941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179855772938545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117540666344061,0.0,0.3067537573013375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20289194446929285,0.3250508256121619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dimorf,2020/01/23,"Should I end my life tonight? 4th time im trying it and ive convinved myself the only effective way is jumping from my window (6th floor) even tho im.very afraid of heighs. Ive got absolutely nothing to lose. I hate my life and cant stand the ups and downs anymore. Im lonely and desperate. I love my parents but im a fucking narcissist so their love is never enough. Im also in debt and cant ahndle the stress. Theres a lot more shit going on in my life but its so draining that rn i dont have the energy to enlist anything else. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Maybe a line of ketamine. Thas all. Nothing has meaning and i have no goals. Im only comfortable when numb. No one im close to truly understands me. I dont feel close to anyone anymore and when i try opening up i frighten people like they dont know how to handle someone so fucked up. Even my therapist seems that is giving up on me.",0.09213903743315656,2.4424730374331567,2.408483422459895,91.11766631016044,91.35294117647058,4.917133689839574,21.38374331550802,6.55674776486733,0.5746934331550801,706,26,145,9,25,239,113,187,0.18,0.669,0.151,-0.7949,2,2,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,2,3,11,14,4,2,7,0,14,9,1,3,2,24,28,17,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,1,4,0,1,0,4,10,0,0,6,0,1,2,8,9,0,1,1,1,22,5,17,26,4,23,0,2,0,4,6,13,3,2,7,90,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061165695072115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627028438696812,0.06173982074368847,0.0,0.07266150233741446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104528202297245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376141720854587,0.0,0.07820557416915094,0.09123515102931408,0.0,0.11663962618962648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044645981652287635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16325964367113324,0.0,0.08470322139985083,0.0501816306383539,0.0,0.0706197550022868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399456771510613,0.0,0.08717572084289843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6676368474505203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048526119216902766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871018784735363,0.043137807226236835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878256603060102,0.0,0.07506756629225918,0.15938428423947398,0.0,0.05893941555249833,0.0,0.08870693048355109,0.09618210539644666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810064713649275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25417213903122804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05983282207184853,0.1343087939386358,0.0,0.0,0.09804417173933763,0.0,0.0,0.061214523207535725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038293052535128,0.0,0.0,0.09063634349024392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481437391590233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011447430383327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252046161359744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05148711218413155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989671541175374,0.0,0.0,0.09192104332836164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285486852199086,0.0,0.07008662236712547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,semisomnus9,2020/01/23,"A stranger abused me and the police does not believe me because of my bpd diagnosis I was on my way home from work last night (it was pretty late, around 1am) when some taxi driver stopped beside me and pulled me into his car. He searched my bag and drove me to my appartment. He then pushed me onto my bed and took off my clothes, touched and kissed me everywhere. I said he should stop but I couldn't move, it all felt so unreal. I remember him saying he wants to take a shower with me, I said I didn't want to. I felt so numb and dizzy, I can't even remember what happened next. I just know that he was gone at some point and that I was sitting on my bed, naked. I called the police and put on some clothes. A few minutes later the police arrived and they sampled DNA (from my cheeks and my chest). As soon as they learned from my diagnosis (depression and dpd) the policewoman got really mad at me, she said that lying to them is a criminal offence and she asked me if I was aware that I was stealing their time. Then they left. I never in my life had to experience sexual abuse, I was terrified and in shock and in need of help. Still am. I don't understand how this could have happened to me. How cruel stigmatization can be.",2.300538181818183,4.127104392,3.5210181818181816,90.05850909090911,77.08,7.105454545454546,23.363636363636363,8.00094639256281,1.073,958,30,210,16,22,311,145,250,0.205,0.768,0.027999999999999997,-0.9942,1,0,0,0,2,0,29.0,0,0,5,1,11,7,2,0,8,0,19,5,2,2,2,43,37,25,0,7,4,0,3,0,0,1,2,4,4,0,8,17,0,2,7,0,0,8,6,6,0,0,18,8,47,1,26,15,5,38,0,1,0,1,21,14,0,4,14,142,55,2,0.0,0.309365725035854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621902665662212,0.12204856821288465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958333404184971,0.0,0.0,0.14708748373251654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644257700522484,0.0,0.1333082666166222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423520989801216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124443121161671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424700184543962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622841520596587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770498171299116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507009333152901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441442166799987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308935400373675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750630490112409,0.0,0.13095437720963396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174800696577388,0.10641736683152224,0.14726842864399484,0.0,0.1418452130148138,0.0,0.09221279245530316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875619639744885,0.0,0.09680271044216143,0.10068980961125062,0.0,0.13884361434807035,0.1225142798750189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234139103722024,0.0,0.0,0.13281839603245393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124089552225554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363500312824182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29578010594311505,0.0,0.37255476238524105,0.1038202511416455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425905686578768,0.21829476323543995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815891405749247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612596562941122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504816053061306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359093157139846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400599431413467,0.10362616155904164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504346649764214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,snek-o,2020/01/23,Will I ever be successful in this world? I have been going through a very long and tiring depression. I lost my job last April because of my illness and would give anything to have that back. I quit without notice and although the job stressed me out like crazy I still loved it. Now I’m depressed and feel like a complete failure. I have no skills and I am stuck working a minimum wage serving job barley making any money. School is so hard for me and I’m seriously worried I may never live a fulfilling life. How am I supposed to ever work full time? How does anyone slave themselves away for 40+hours a week and not breakdown. I have quit without notice my at almost all jobs. Im a good worker but it seems my illness always gets the best of me. I don’t really enjoy doing much either. What do you guys do for work? Is anyone relatively happy?,2.3781718915110943,4.7771385748503015,3.6447692849594944,86.42818950334627,79.4191616766467,5.606058471292709,24.79358929200423,6.794906146795322,1.0725839380063404,670,25,125,7,17,218,113,167,0.139,0.708,0.152,0.8825,5,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,10,8,13,0,1,8,0,17,5,0,3,4,25,28,12,0,1,5,0,2,2,0,3,4,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,2,0,2,1,6,5,0,0,3,2,19,8,14,21,5,18,0,3,0,1,4,6,0,3,13,88,24,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653407112121687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683441859754063,0.0,0.0,0.07913988638932114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274605369833953,0.0,0.09576779312576604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933938085498532,0.08948620442210639,0.0,0.07094192278069432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212976502134686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201835440028624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20046950290066065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184169940132157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21053808309968805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588433626780579,0.08313926423908465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060801822465784,0.11163876775404864,0.0661393429407929,0.09761093340493113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523085065647345,0.0,0.12388475363591556,0.10425032154575314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460723018818485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570639281951138,0.0,0.4619421505222107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094862231033406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220003447350246,0.11371118034850222,0.0,0.10276242017376833,0.10298937854600723,0.0,0.0,0.12703849755029378,0.0,0.1050341698803869,0.0,0.07768209538765325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554998355036579,0.0,0.08975659017361434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26499041686936325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24756107670790414,0.0,0.0,0.07455364876478801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777904601073355,0.0,0.10594462836245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293827722109868,0.0,0.13330867812330024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785996641517382,0.13375745693866825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960226495788578,0.0,0.0,0.09335006192225337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224365233705957,0.0,0.2541700348042565,0.11818579912664448,0.0,0.08267039671765923,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,timfluencer,2020/01/23,"Are you a survivor of BPD and/or suicide? (ignore if this doesn't fit the sub) Hey yall, I'd love to get your thoughts on a mental health awareness campaign I've been working on for the past year. If you're interested in participating, even better. **WHAT PROBLEM ARE WE TRYING TO SOLVE?** ***The news is killing people.*** When we lost Robin Williams the suicide rate increased by 10%. Marilyn Monroe: 12%. When Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain committed suicide, the hotline got 25% more calls. It's called *suicide contagion,* and it’s the proven link between mass media coverage of suicide and an increase in suicide rates. Think about it. If a celebrity with more resources and success couldn’t beat it, how can anyone? It makes you feel hopeless. And hopelessness can be deadly. With suicide rates increasing across the world, we have to do something now more than ever. Something unprecedented. We have to tell the other side of the story. Where people survive and thrive. We have to #ReportSurvival. ***#ReportSurvival*** \#ReportSurvival is a campaign guiding news organizations to report suicide more responsibly. Whether it’s Buzzfeed, the local news, or CNN, we’ll create a media landscape where a story of someone who survived suicide follows every report of someone who didn't. **WHY SURVIVOR STORIES?** ***Why survivor stories?*** For every person that dies by suicide, another 280 people survive. Many of whom go on to live happy, fulfilling lives. These stories of survival and perseverance hold extraordinary power. That's why they're an effective way to end suicide contagion. But don't take it from us, take it from them: “Portraying suicide survivors rather than focusing on completed cases in the media is more effective in reducing suicide contagion.” * *Madelyn Gould, professor of clinical epidemiology at Columbia University and expert in youth suicide* “Our best answers as to why suicides happen and what we can do to prevent them are not found by focusing on the one person who died by suicide, but by focusing on the living—the other 280 who survived.” * *John Draper, Ph.D., executive director of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline* “It turns out that, although suicide can be contagious, resilience can also be contagious. And when we look at media reports that talk about people who thought about suicide but instead got help and got better, that actually rates across the population, the number of deaths that happen in a specific area, go down. And we really really want to encourage people to report in that kind of way.” * *Mark Sinyor, M.D., Clinical Researcher and Professor at the University of Toronto* “Hearing stories from people who have survived suicide attempts is an important step in suicide prevention.” * *Professor Patrick McGorry, former Australian of the Year for his services to youth mental health* “Their stories are not only enlightening professionals who create policies or study the subject, but they are also transmitting all important hope to those at risk."" * *Center for Suicide Prevention* ""People see stories all the time about those surviving breast cancer, heart disease, and stroke, and we know what that recovery looks like—it helps people who are experiencing it or someone whose mom just got diagnosed. So many people go through their suicidal crisis feeling completely isolated and alone because they think they're the only ones. But they're not. There are millions of healing and recovery stories—they just haven't been shared."" * *Shelby Rowe, a youth suicide prevention program manager for the Oklahoma Department of Mental Health and Substance Abuse Services* ***Don’t survivor stories already exist?*** When was the last time you saw an uplifting news story about someone who overcame suicide? Unfortunately, it’s human nature to take an interest in conflict, drama, and tragedy. As a result, the few survivor stories that are independently produced are unpromoted and low quality. Of the content that does exist, ours will be different in several crucial ways: 1. ***Relevance*** \- Instead of one or two, we’ll feature 20 unique stories. This ensures every sufferer, no matter their experience, has something they can relate to. 2. ***Quality*** \- We’ve worked with award-winning production companies, many of whom are interested in pro-bono work. That means we’ll have the best equipment, crews, and directors to deliver quality films that distinguish our stories and engage our viewers. 3. ***Compelling Content*** \- We’ve learned storytelling at some of the world’s most renown advertising agencies and news organizations. Given our experience, we’re confident we can create films that are enthralling, concise, and effective. 4. ***Understanding*** *–* We understand these issues because we’ve been victims of them. Whether it’s suicide, suicide contagion, or depression, the videos we’re creating are films we wish existed when we felt lost and hopeless. 5. ***Casting*** \- Finding the right people is essential. Without a good story, we don’t have a film worth making. That’s why we won’t proceed until we’re completely satisfied. 6. ***Link to Treatment*** \- This is about more than hope. It’s about action and lasting change. That’s why we’re putting emphasis on how suicide survivors got through it, giving concrete examples of how others can too. Each film will link to treatment options and affordable resources to help people take the next step and get the help they so desperately need. **HOW WILL THIS WORK?** For this to work, we need news organizations to see these survivor stories and make a commitment to #ReportSurvival. Here’s why it will happen: 1. ***It’s nothing new:*** Media guidelines for how to report suicide already exist. The most effective being the suicide prevention hotline. Problem is, suicide contagion is only getting worse. This makes #ReportSurvival a simple, yet essential evolution of these guidelines. 2. ***We made it simple:*** We'll make the survivor films ourselves. All they’ll have to do is link to the film. That's one line of text alongside the suicide prevention hotline number. It’s that easy. 3. ***Broadcast quality:*** Our films will be as compelling and well produced as any broadcast segment. 4. ***Variety:*** With 20 different films, news outlets won’t have to worry about covering the same story. 5. ***Pre-launch partnership:*** We’ll partner with a news organization beforehand. When we launch they'll pledge to #ReportSurvival, which ensures others will follow. 6. ***PR:*** A well-executed PR plan is essential. In the absence of one, our survivor stories will get lost in a clutter of internet content. Our experience pitching blogs and acquiring earned media will ensure people and news organizations won’t miss our efforts. 7. ***Legitimacy:*** Along the way, we'll get endorsements from mental health organizations like NAMI and influencers like Michael Phelps. 8. ***They already care:*** Unlike the rest of the world, reporters are well aware of suicide contagion. #ReportSurvival is a chance for them to help end a life or death issue they’re painfully aware of. With that, let’s go over how this works executionally. 1. ***Pre-Launch: The Stories*** ***Casting*** First things first. We’ll partner with a casting agency to help us find the most moving survivor stories. At the same time, we’ll tap into our own networks to cast an even wider net. ***Production*** To ensure viewers have a story they can relate to, we'll produce 20 films. Each will represent a different gender, sexuality, race, age, trauma, or treatment. That means 300 million people who’re suffering from depression will finally have access to stories they can relate to. ***Partnerships*** The more help we can get the better. Whether it’s non-profits with funding, individuals with feedback, or production partners with time and equipment, we’ll take whatever we can get. 2) ***Pre-Launch: #ReportSurvival*** ***Influencers*** Although it’s not essential, influencers have helped spark some of the most successful social movements in the digital age. Movements like #MeToo, Obama’s “Change” campaign, and the Ice Bucket Challenge dominated the internet because of influencer support. Given this issue's importance, our connections, and how unaware people are, we believe we can recruit some of the world’s most influential people. Celebrities with their own survivor stories in all areas of life. Oprah, Michael Phelps, Ted Turner, Prince Harry, and J.K. Rowling are just a few examples of influencers who are just as passionate as we are. ***Bring on the News*** As proven with the existing suicide guidelines when one news organization commits to change, the rest join. Doesn’t matter if it’s Fox News or MSNBC, they all want to help end suicide contagion. So as we previously mentioned, we’ll partner with an organization beforehand. 3) ***Launch*** ***Wait for it*** Every high profile suicide has lead to record-breaking global awareness, but very little action or change. By launching our campaign in reaction to the next widely publicized high profile suicide, we’ll turn awareness into action. **WHO ARE WE?** ***I’m Tim*** I spent the last 6 years working at Ogilvy & Mather. While there, I executed campaigns for American Express, British Airways, Coke Zero, ThinkPad, and Qualcomm. I know what it's like to feel hopeless. I know suicide contagion exists because I was almost a victim of it. And I know how discouraging it is to see countless stories of people who gave up, but none of the people who beat it. That’s why this isn’t something I *want* to do. This is something I *will do*. ***The Agency*** My digital media company GUSH specializes in social media campaigns and PR-worthy executions. Part of our business is applying our digital, social, and PR skills to end the mental health crisis. **DO YOU HAVE A STORY?** We'd love to hear and potentially feature it to help launch the project!",3.300753022239995,5.821538250453727,3.827592922985428,75.9375713648528,105.69691470054444,6.32030719698135,30.501312457063175,7.2477246675974705,3.2399192613327594,7860,427,1097,184,354,2465,611,1653,0.17600000000000002,0.695,0.129,-0.9991,6,1,5,0,1,42,494.0,54,6,18,45,48,54,3,1,91,0,115,20,2,35,9,240,198,98,44,16,34,1,5,4,4,28,14,2,0,7,89,86,1,12,31,13,3,21,19,23,2,12,24,16,88,31,181,137,38,127,0,14,8,4,132,62,0,26,44,709,177,37,0.0,0.023778702667494427,0.01958462969343808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02009638994178376,0.020785623267750956,0.06644053460089132,0.03209864023026696,0.0,0.02174495372720696,0.0,0.013647734104937666,0.021044290496198232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.014032840889967178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048935955972490834,0.0,0.0,0.022611099153793363,0.04212274329306517,0.0532486900853235,0.0,0.0,0.025276436143616708,0.0,0.040985763818902135,0.0,0.020461871803381267,0.0,0.08492214724666329,0.0,0.06312647639844972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03457111952723787,0.020369800476093918,0.04165729134381802,0.06290408092607934,0.0,0.0,0.017562679170231608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110136477915911,0.0,0.0,0.02651101503160101,0.018153726952377425,0.06763661626914938,0.0,0.0,0.058894542159622164,0.0,0.0,0.03044274907294705,0.0,0.019269565014277974,0.021984811359825808,0.03668574328968314,0.034141677275622576,0.0,0.022004825642121174,0.0,0.0,0.07339724641738073,0.019252191121615463,0.045623121665387095,0.016833080329327284,0.08025580360442346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053241342450823965,0.021364020779120408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666302669502108,0.04523886050015595,0.023782081034295254,0.1345195176701483,0.04240839197529833,0.0,0.03986645838858014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284104548158881,0.0,0.0,0.02220357987335812,0.020898968006228782,0.04411799721967856,0.04907719349164194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020522101546656214,0.02835091797812965,0.04902395065746453,0.02011459588626397,0.03544291634719145,0.0,0.033706121948220036,0.0,0.06572365900784775,0.0,0.0362264463056849,0.018989948243271937,0.06698168464316584,0.061041011282414036,0.0,0.04372245222718328,0.0,0.0,0.10112509155167758,0.0,0.0,0.023504787092867,0.0,0.02133036771946865,0.0,0.029762092988742595,0.0,0.01938294407866011,0.042687612177857104,0.0,0.0,0.01925692442211192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159639552090532,0.04579055898028995,0.02135502798432498,0.0,0.0,0.021732971791632017,0.01915830810307007,0.2365285826497033,0.03504727674006647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03840699957531542,0.0,0.020175074223737856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025713667818255487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.017138974463510873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047977626599578514,0.0,0.0,0.022672466755146132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06137402067067284,0.06801822180876302,0.0772511961078241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8341923854312482,0.022774273479709613,0.0,0.0,0.07544764796639132,0.016130850817830746,0.017541352407855062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.013333074850208545,0.02571904697424612,0.0,0.031865382521659234,0.04681001301661013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.013625659342190536,0.043659020867232334,0.019604677726695014,0.041785459041798166,0.04828151736815416,0.0,0.0,0.01655917956537134,0.03551197613164706,0.06371994011943283,0.0,0.0,0.05413382299125633,0.0,0.14487454429981048,0.0,0.02307857248013274,0.019345978315836232,0.0,0.10227424069369244,0.020381231703128482,0.02045221422818453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03877169173111932 bpd,ari_mel89,2020/01/23,"I never finish anything I think I'm going thru another crisis cuz i never seem to feel content at any job I have. I never finish full terms, and I never finish projects. And I'm trying so f-ing hard. But apparently my life is just always this complicated, and I'm so hurt, so bored, and so tired. I crave to feel contentment and stability. I crave to feel that I really like my life, cuz rn I'm so bored and miserable that I wanna disappear into thin air while at work. My mere existence feels like a long silent scream that never seems to stop. I feel so empty, and want to crawl out of my body. Idk what else to write besides not liking my life and feeling useless, and how I seem to have no luck with jobs amd career wise. Idk anymore. Just needed to express..",2.6908041958041937,4.419174603896106,4.354675324675323,84.94102397602397,75.6883116883117,7.0761238761238765,22.235764235764236,7.882392219407189,1.0360015984015982,595,16,120,9,13,200,90,154,0.231,0.6579999999999999,0.111,-0.9615,3,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,9,11,0,1,1,0,3,5,1,3,5,40,20,20,0,3,4,0,8,3,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,12,0,1,10,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,0,9,17,5,16,20,2,21,0,3,0,0,2,7,0,4,15,72,22,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109416948461709,0.0,0.0,0.09066934312328992,0.13980870239079893,0.0,0.0,0.1322280742722794,0.0,0.0,0.10971967854950082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810017896791844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138056226660246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044955800117208,0.09525136843421864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577482168153435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194379800906646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273310669802333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26461998658151004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28252592227994183,0.19541570941711375,0.0,0.0,0.11799333720931852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886291015470693,0.5141636817617475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541496165023481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641373635719777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147030628797776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543282998414571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532438484787522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052268843156637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786418102841328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706622517313153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Woofles13,2020/01/23,"Fight with best friend- how do I focus to study? Hey BPD peeps. I just got into a big fight with my best friend and we have an exam tomorrow. I'm in medical school so the studying is no joke, buy I don't know what to do. I can't concentrate to study and am feeling anxious, upset, and am trying hard not to catastrophize that she's going to leave and not want to be my friend anymore, but it's not helping. Anyone have tips or suggestions? It was a pretty big fight about a touchy subject, and while I don't think I'm in the wrong I'm tempted to apologize to just make things better again. This is one of the first big fights I've had with someone since my diagnosis in April and even though I'm reacting way better than I would have before I just don't want to completely fuck everything up.",4.031679600886918,4.6943575670731725,4.902594235033259,86.46812638580934,70.89024390243901,8.402660753880268,26.494456762749444,8.575989854853784,1.6085317073170735,627,19,135,10,11,204,101,164,0.18100000000000002,0.662,0.157,-0.3128,0,0,0,0,4,0,14.0,1,0,0,5,9,15,5,1,7,0,17,2,0,3,0,28,30,12,0,3,8,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,6,11,0,0,3,1,1,1,8,7,0,2,3,2,12,8,20,25,2,15,0,0,0,1,13,8,1,1,5,87,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18532158251380465,0.16268630024184855,0.11470248513223072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958827377185834,0.0,0.3443054313938623,0.2901649129454768,0.0,0.0,0.2066060652787574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17199567256359088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834867049895244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743102064636698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082944928977768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395346551993036,0.0,0.0,0.3802169993685123,0.15165485277826785,0.0,0.0,0.0932292590563652,0.0,0.1311999500584823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695005728736787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995437842230904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015358970848084,0.0,0.0,0.17369755628472433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094997904865786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525578385140227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115959362122374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16689042229926168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660199920911793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569783448562855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389928656805048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898269507682999,0.10511195225222528,0.16117114109039626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137423992542014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935132948106327,0.13020947685299686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653124281537862,0.17935496422151784,0.0,0.0 bpd,a-n-g-e-l-a,2020/01/23,What is the point. I'm trying to make my life as stable as possible. My mom says im not trying hard enough to be better at school/home etc. Last night I thought I had a family to prioritise as I'm currently living with them. Now it seems like I'm just an annoying roommate no one likes. It's so discouraging to see progress in my dysfunctional patterns but no one else sees them. They just see an F in English and blood on the toilet seat during my period. it makes me feel so terrible about myself. Maybe I am as terrible as my sister and mom make me out to be. Maybe I am trash like my dad once said.,1.4638095238095232,3.4074683174603213,3.4891269841269827,88.74892857142858,80.1111111111111,7.374603174603175,20.81746031746032,8.344100000000001,1.0554412698412698,472,13,104,10,12,160,83,126,0.14400000000000002,0.755,0.10099999999999999,-0.8696,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,3,2,6,8,1,0,5,0,6,2,1,3,0,15,19,10,0,0,4,4,2,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,3,7,16,4,17,14,2,11,0,1,3,0,9,6,0,1,8,63,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626502914286792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870820357654278,0.0,0.0,0.15919857340616675,0.1718320987172479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524629227089889,0.0,0.07790392745750381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801912598972235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664252561624493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255900415704682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882630140741306,0.2258168247481916,0.0,0.1360492630303057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30853472924058073,0.0,0.3095740320456948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36089682128228107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458705341619008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640826940264509,0.2088076757530173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564876575603974,0.17369413370919798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14655868519817186,0.12252501678018822,0.0,0.15593008011174767,0.3683286486289994,0.1402622533252702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231673505033272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092108779817062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LettuceTalkTurtles,2020/01/23,"Feeling weak, ready to give in I never have much luck posting here, something usually happens that makes me feel like I don’t belong, but I have no where to turn right now. I’m just feeling extra weak lately, I have no energy right now to fight the feelings and thoughts I know aren’t good. I’m hurting myself more(just today I’ve punched multiple things, luckily not myself yet), I’m starting to care less, which means I’m going to take more risks. I have no one but the internet to confine in, to relate to. The only person I can consider when I take actions is my little brother. He’s still too young to talk to but not young enough where he isn’t aware something is wrong with me. I honestly worry he wouldn’t be able to handle my choices and sometimes that serves as motivation, other times the pain is so much I don’t care, I just want it to be done. I recently opened up to my job because I was at a point where inpatient care was looking like my only option. And as usual it backfired, I now consistently get less hours and am getting undercut while working to the point where it’s really effecting my money. I eat less, maybe a meal a day but sometimes it’s just a bag of chips. I’m back to just mindlessly doing things to distract myself until I can fall asleep. I hold everything in because every situation in my life(home, work) are not “healthy”. There is no discussing it, there is no working things out, they are absolute. I either accept being wrong or don’t bring it up. Sorry for the wall, I guess I just need some space for my thoughts to occupy right now, because solely in my head isn’t helping.",4.9848913690476175,5.721811146875003,5.6559821428571455,81.65270833333334,68.78125,8.470238095238095,30.23809523809524,8.563005593585519,2.243184523809523,1277,48,247,19,21,415,172,320,0.158,0.7040000000000001,0.138,-0.7886,2,0,2,0,1,1,36.0,0,0,1,5,22,18,1,2,10,0,28,7,2,3,1,43,59,15,0,3,14,1,4,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,13,7,2,2,11,0,1,4,16,9,0,1,5,5,34,9,33,50,10,49,0,1,1,0,11,22,0,5,24,170,47,5,0.1005227646669201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729580112890305,0.0,0.18383323296715606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074689742069921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482886716933038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286968901270138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285988378996984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386688732971257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469476474316978,0.0,0.09034337913734457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20330932074689584,0.07181348316344582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503799122871513,0.0964305956020748,0.0571294037082315,0.08431372573234633,0.0,0.0,0.1107371583173094,0.0,0.088891948813429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316535736656854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737829022729831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989946744279606,0.0,0.10761169863720813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975333301487604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05524468256353073,0.0,0.113394057007723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100220149557734,0.0982206904305727,0.10075021847407882,0.0,0.0,0.0844138050149974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709972598722927,0.0,0.1009886282858156,0.10949875998054093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779159665546016,0.0745363562811951,0.0775293531429997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811682688790252,0.15290418451690424,0.10696330898748303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777260076337133,0.0,0.0,0.1900530088783858,0.0,0.09627302149225264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439745707812754,0.0,0.09925410295189416,0.0,0.0,0.25753767533548505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299179922435505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477467067707104,0.1988391692320419,0.11252700512465813,0.07115053021907636,0.0,0.08027760971355108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116121763420962,0.08079639050462069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20034857449068924,0.0,0.0,0.15960769328752145,0.0586156324599408,0.0,0.09528382708587983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933990211908301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22142324706278307,0.0,0.05929093105557541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195453096936004,0.10208574701037212,0.0,0.0,0.2198117256706212,0.0,0.0 bpd,ccoffey99,2020/01/23,"Falling for my fwBPD. First and foremost let me express my frustration. I do not have BPD, my best friend does. I posted this on another subreddit (not word for word) and I was permanently banned because I am falling in love with someone who has BPD EVEN THOUGH SHE IS A FRIEND. It seems you can only be an active part of that subreddit if you're willing to speak atrocities about pwBPD. IT ISN'T RIGHT! I messaged them asking what rule that fell under and they muted me. ANYWAY. I'm falling for my fwBPD. She was very upfront about her mental illnesses (BPD, CPTSD, Anxiety, Depression, and Cyclothymia) . I want to be there as a friend BUT I want to step it up. I have been there for her highs and I have also been there for her lowest of lows and I admire her and all that is her. I see the struggles and the internal battles. How can I be there as someone who is romantically interested in her?",1.742339901477834,4.3842671091954015,3.1034975369458127,87.56982758620691,84.80459770114942,6.072906403940888,23.22824302134647,7.447530270364453,1.227038095238096,703,26,136,12,21,228,103,174,0.138,0.7140000000000001,0.14800000000000002,0.6135,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,2,2,11,12,2,1,5,0,21,2,0,1,1,21,28,15,0,3,4,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,10,9,0,1,1,0,0,5,3,5,0,1,4,2,29,7,20,19,3,15,0,2,1,1,21,8,0,2,1,110,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217663856353835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020122069568005,0.1168748734708892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428269551394142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313214769725016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603312522182417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5772562290625104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158760448778972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369719650401055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090853314135888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299530240076471,0.0,0.0,0.35410808000691163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141851309767435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622601862528773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788825336462804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396445047617868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619467437506342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544385808555578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631924454832784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047171302936314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217444124765106,0.13908349801687464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25889687669161143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971690349253864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010376553082042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605798140691382,0.18022503306010645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Boo_Spooky,2020/01/23,"I love feeling numb Drugs in general make me feel so much better but especially alcohol. It allows me to escape and to feel so much more confident. School makes me so anxious and it’s hard to interact with people without feeling so awkward and anxious (teachers and people who aren’t my friends). It just makes me feel so much better and i can’t stop. When I’m alone, it makes me happy and numb to emotions, I just can’t stop. But on the other hand, I can’t study because I’m always high on something or buzzed and I just don’t know how to stop this cycle. I just want to feel happy. Does anyone else feel like this? How do I just survive in reality?",2.7471838687628187,4.387343609022558,4.208161312371839,86.42738892686262,75.31578947368422,6.6408749145591255,25.62474367737525,7.348242739294969,1.217878195488722,512,18,104,6,11,170,70,133,0.166,0.595,0.239,0.9297,1,1,3,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,13,10,0,1,1,0,6,6,1,7,0,37,22,18,0,1,9,0,9,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,8,8,1,3,8,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,9,13,7,12,22,4,9,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,5,67,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360908917415625,0.0,0.1318888970566781,0.0,0.0,0.10595954003446102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28772258549781515,0.0,0.089041155211406,0.13047790639095844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762708359146937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252489910806856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143867832512548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14767739942623292,0.0,0.10637869885540313,0.14324368481038638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4507189709635369,0.09097383270498266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838485137079714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711178876820875,0.11407427523619393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345448238794759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998435792253478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06221333561457945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493198895201395,0.0,0.3400096459668491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808351732237082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656714245227564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288778692714938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803482839773887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193932379927656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511017437346876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275406465760175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,strumpetta,2020/01/23,"I feel trapped and it's killing my progress After a couple of particularly intense emotional ups and downs I started doing DBT through low cost resources (online/book form) while waiting for formal support. It is early days, but the perspectives it has given me have helped me through a rough patch and stay afloat/not dip back into crisis or crying all the time... I would be feeling more positive if it wasn't for the fact that I fundamentally feel trapped in my life and I can't get past the feeling of being trapped. So the DBT helps me think in a more reasonable way but the trapped feeling some of my circumstances give me then turns into suicidal ideation because I don't know where to start to fix some underlying things causing unhappiness. So despite the helpfulness of the DBT skills, they then become a bucket that I am trying to use to tackle a tsunami. I am trying to live day to day at the moment, telling myself to just get through each one as opposed to cultivating some positive experiences. I'm only leaving the house for work, I keep booking and cancelling exercise classes, and I'm hiding from my flatmates because I'm too tired and sad to engage. What's making me feel trapped? The city I live in, which I've hated for years. My job, which while not the worst is incredibly triggering (it's political and chaotic and engagement focused and I just want to be in a quiet room doing some analysis). I feel like I've tanked my relationship with my flatmates because I've hidden so much over recent months of particularly bad mental health, so I'm constantly paranoid about them being annoyed by me/not wanting me to live here. I feel like I've hinted about what's going on but that hasn't helped. But I might just be paranoid anyway. It's uncomfortable and exhausting and I'm desperate to live alone, but don't want to do that if there's a chance of moving job and city and just getting away from it all. Maybe I'm overthinking all of it and could be happier if I stopped doing that. Maybe I should just pick one of the above issues and change it, accepting that even though I do avoid conflict, getting some of the change I desperately want might help. But where to start? It's so tiring and my family are dysfunctional/triggering so I can't just move back home while I decide. It makes me just want to sleep so I don't have to deal with feeling like I don't want any aspect of my life. TLDR: Making progress with DBT/thinking better but I hate most aspects of my life and it's cancelling our that progress. Where do I start?",5.55381374722838,6.5945533170731725,5.8139763488544,79.93398004434594,67.65853658536585,8.646563192904656,31.372505543237253,8.841846274778883,2.505421951219512,2040,81,383,33,33,650,227,492,0.20600000000000002,0.644,0.149,-0.9921,2,7,0,0,0,0,44.0,1,0,2,6,27,18,4,1,21,0,33,9,1,8,4,91,77,43,2,12,19,0,10,3,0,4,8,1,2,0,24,24,0,6,14,2,1,3,9,10,0,2,2,11,45,8,57,64,15,47,0,2,0,0,12,18,0,12,27,257,69,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875196805461157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05170814011227762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143977939551557,0.11693636186464294,0.06348817653081887,0.13905535060788918,0.08397749785391058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724903212397229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811150735341194,0.16087528723457614,0.0,0.0,0.08216957660766674,0.0,0.06070979488591977,0.0841341006594807,0.08352367608417295,0.14711378418755394,0.07839137324149174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553200718150372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05022208335949202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437931245393581,0.07168143313257998,0.0,0.3460218206985749,0.16296371855872474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15890592208718773,0.07294214470552117,0.04321389084250663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501426731933483,0.0,0.08082435790055935,0.0,0.0,0.2548318282742439,0.0,0.07627186041635113,0.0,0.0,0.08773712145248767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936344498848333,0.1509110673059573,0.06758566642068048,0.08412428101675659,0.0,0.04178824785432455,0.0,0.0,0.08051278442918987,0.0,0.0,0.16112270665440778,0.11144431551621904,0.0,0.26857019200062754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226696129281156,0.0,0.1527798743136158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662796421171818,0.16132764473285466,0.0,0.0,0.06069244541257815,0.1616317601448063,0.05589634680878528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103050020851088,0.057829981674777535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258644344113674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817926343061843,0.07507790546072278,0.081635870347175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609246145732455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21527907149015926,0.08104590910306196,0.0,0.06357079490539175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317273617269758,0.08628650844084801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646016848584778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050515968231872085,0.0974435810569774,0.07470650489490399,0.0,0.044338105745420214,0.17478795181540385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032490077797234,0.08270701754626593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567202791262626,0.0,0.0,0.2690934954271593,0.060355066385150334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05535624058285397,0.0,0.0,0.05401489251052448,0.0,0.0,0.04896568795493129 bpd,klobzer,2020/01/23,"No imagination or creativity Do any of u feel like you have nothing to offer the world in the form or art or imagination. My mind is just blank. I can’t create art or any form of art like music, painting or drawing it’s just blank. However when I use psychedelics I feel like I can control my visuals with my thoughts or music. The only thing i can visualize is things I’ve already seen. I wanna offer the world something but my mind is just empty.",3.5769047619047636,5.0907087222222245,5.157619047619047,80.985,72.8888888888889,7.80952380952381,28.41269841269841,8.418075326091056,2.0389365079365085,355,14,70,6,7,120,54,90,0.044000000000000004,0.855,0.10099999999999999,0.4215,1,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,2,0,21,13,8,0,1,10,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,11,3,6,11,2,4,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,6,4,46,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541759292446697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132658867702878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583357442144289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329244964947894,0.3290969513041973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375842009583965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651371960852293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22100875717452487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751770654670788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17732001713037074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30604329511475914,0.0,0.0,0.18285704491616786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989319864858873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,2deliverapizzaball,2020/01/23,Does anyone have any experience with Skype Psychiatrists? My doctor referred me to one but my appointment isn't until 2 months from now? Is it worth the wait? Should I just find my own psychiatrist??,4.003333333333334,7.044391555555558,4.63666666666667,77.85000000000005,77.8888888888889,8.044444444444443,22.88888888888889,8.841846274778883,2.037855555555556,160,5,28,4,4,51,33,36,0.0,0.9059999999999999,0.094,0.5122,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,7,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,4,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,20,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860086168766361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940791037493434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43048114230683737,0.3680521278846377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114076474805217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3844022244534171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33570270231380034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849956879973919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rottingdoll,2020/01/23,"My BF/FP left me My ex broke up with me just over a week ago. He is my favorite person. He told me we could still be in each other’s lives but as best friends. I was having trouble accepting this but was trying. A few days later he told me he met a girl on IG that he kind of liked. (They were not speaking before we broke up.) I was devastated by this which caused me to split and I lashed out at him and said things I didn’t mean and regret. This led to him blocking me but eventually unblocked and I apologized. He told me the girl actually blocked him because he was so upset about me that he messaged her a bunch of times and scared her away. He blamed me for this. I didn’t mean to ruin things for him but I was extremely hurt. He said he forgave me and we talked here and there. I was emotional at times but he didn’t seem angry. I asked if he still wanted to be close and best friends and he said yes. I asked him point blank if he didn’t love me anymore or didn’t want to be in my life to just say it. He told me I was being ridiculous. Then this morning he replied to my message so I replied back and after saying hey and to have a good day he blocked me. Just out of the blue. He later unblocked me but still has his accounts on private and won’t accept me or answer me. I am so scared that he will never speak to me again and I will never know the reason why. I’ve only recently been diagnosed with BPD and have been in therapy for a short while. I am making progress but do not have as good of a grip on my symptoms as I would like. When I think about when other people have left me I have never been this hurt by it before. I am unsure if is this is maybe because I am now aware of what a favorite person is and what it means, which makes me even more in my head about it, or if my mental state has gotten worse since then. I feel completely lost and worthless without him. My anxiety level is through the roof. I don’t really know how to get through this. He knows about my BPD and that he is a FP. I have sent him resources to explain what that means. He knows how much him leaving would hurt me so I don’t understand why I can’t get a reason why or at least an acknowledgement that I should leave him alone. For those that have FP’s and have lost some, how did you cope? I really need advice. Thank you.",1.8304268292682904,3.2810920833333337,3.0965040650406515,94.23548780487806,77.35365853658536,6.100813008130082,21.34959349593496,6.697824305789354,0.1818471544715452,1803,46,420,16,41,584,212,492,0.165,0.7020000000000001,0.133,-0.9646,0,1,0,0,0,0,39.0,3,2,1,5,25,28,1,3,15,1,53,5,1,9,3,89,89,48,0,12,21,1,2,2,2,6,3,7,0,4,29,27,0,3,19,0,1,2,15,15,0,0,29,10,75,13,51,49,9,49,0,10,1,1,70,22,0,10,26,294,104,0,0.0,0.0,0.07410326496665108,0.0,0.0,0.07420446414866051,0.06731330258033967,0.0,0.0,0.07864751964257027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058091367469706126,0.0,0.07530880136355163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198112715218525,0.0,0.07134502910928439,0.058390634823897995,0.0,0.092580614711364,0.0,0.12923307698974684,0.0,0.15938176295536918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912792301189789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800790838177024,0.0,0.0,0.07961818494382374,0.0,0.0,0.06062927573410898,0.0,0.0,0.09794577851955,0.0,0.0,0.07707415180301097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541856643139296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0501554740164383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03839587704197982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733701173330616,0.0,0.07934758290742806,0.0,0.0,0.12738420193535793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793296169377226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24387542296479284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907638734747319,0.16693129709075916,0.0,0.0,0.16081200130723433,0.1650108929574397,0.0,0.05363633675660071,0.07419767158527017,0.0,0.06705349711429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578775615615188,0.0,0.06853583630150993,0.0,0.10137667349795733,0.0,0.07628862149665283,0.3308693105867889,0.0,0.0,0.07652633285725703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05582221171340532,0.0563061006827679,0.17570119261548706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05775328200741025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05264494629248518,0.1326099944334852,0.0,0.0,0.07178472618515415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729398867516348,0.1561511491887392,0.07497832994282178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21669957240754786,0.1207758230526921,0.1520517674514047,0.0,0.0,0.0691299194799371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281562275096575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18192943956304747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892730669530124,0.0,0.061035042837278626,0.0,0.06991231072307576,0.08684023412635032,0.0,0.1008979382210364,0.0486571710176597,0.0,0.0,0.08855860059545766,0.0,0.0,0.2902430832717892,0.0,0.05155603452221394,0.0,0.0,0.07905278250333707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957886594283493,0.0,0.0609118401176039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20556318101017101,0.0,0.0,0.07320026876269367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738598451078553,0.10788650556051804,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,doctor-xxx,2020/01/23,I’m scared to start DBT- what’s it like? I’ve been putting it off for months. I think it’s because I was scared to admit I need help. I’m just really nervous. I’m feel intimidated by the group setting. I always picture this really dark and depressing room where we’re all sitting there depressed. I mean granted any perception I have of group therapy is from TV which is almost always depressing. Idk if I’m properly explaining my perception. Even talking about it now is making me anxious. Any advice? Really I’m just trying to get a feel for what to expect..,1.983314685314685,4.649546981818184,3.90818181818182,82.11381118881121,83.72727272727272,7.384615384615384,24.825174825174827,8.384062270229773,2.1594965034965035,448,18,82,11,13,151,74,110,0.20800000000000002,0.713,0.079,-0.9276,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,3,2,0,6,0,0,1,1,17,21,2,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,8,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,2,2,8,1,11,19,1,9,0,3,0,0,6,3,0,2,4,44,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226039157537867,0.0,0.0,0.17652061213008954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933609146516309,0.0,0.0,0.23975513864640535,0.0,0.0,0.1991480918568535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745965977544697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4554933895079112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643236957296126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782666013430387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209988818738823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815787647117736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612231156102693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766937254867756,0.0,0.0,0.1920223993794068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070633398422105,0.0,0.0,0.13071061240014872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17721175106876402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387916235107667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529773754370572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477306165121868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416885156384411,0.0,0.0,0.20159343385505332,0.0,0.0,0.11295416561004205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968367128260746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,babzsugarbuzz,2020/01/23,"What should I do if I need to be admitted but can’t afford it? I don’t find myself in this circumstance in this exact moment, but it does happen from time to time and it terrifies me to know that I don’t have an answer to this problem. I know in movies a people having a break down will be admitted into some kind of program or other by their families but assuming I have no family and no money (like, *none*), what are my options? Especially if I can’t get disability and I’ve already lost my job to the break down, and I’m living in a state where I know no one and have no friends.",6.2431707317073215,4.506582382113823,7.658658536585366,76.66652439024391,66.64227642276423,11.126829268292685,31.069105691056908,10.125756701596842,2.7339008130081304,455,13,98,9,6,159,74,123,0.18600000000000005,0.759,0.055,-0.9562,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,1,5,0,0,5,0,14,0,0,0,1,26,24,11,0,5,6,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,0,8,0,1,0,9,2,0,1,1,0,13,3,15,19,2,14,0,1,0,0,4,8,0,6,4,76,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545880280549436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018909638898773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43497512809254585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21085963029845212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824163722995398,0.0,0.12053352031671845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204011127649346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289385059816708,0.0,0.0,0.2402431174756575,0.3803672932203759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271051023583407,0.0,0.20371620055929107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518410913439432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106437983169515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563312634135535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599413736627833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22075294120049346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690511668527079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jjtaylor1998,2020/01/23,"I truly love my life i used to be in a bad relationship. she would tell me my problems meant nothing compared to hers and she didnt care. anytime something good happened for me instead of being happy shed put me down. ex my mom told me she would pay off my college loans and she called me a spoiled bitch when i broke up with her i said one single mean thing to her, the only thing the entire relationship. i said something mean about her still living w her family yet worked full time, spending it all on dumb shit. the only bill she had was a phone bill when we broke up i decided to stay her friend bc boderline. we hung out when i was home for thanksgiving break. and she made me fight her and threw me on the floor four times. i kept telling her no ans she said dont be a pussy. then later she hit me multiple times with her first. told me i deserved it because of what i had said when we broke up. never considered it abuse, said ""talk shit get hit."" i never talked to her again after that. and i think the fact she beat me helped. it was the final straw that let me know i couldnt talk to her ever since ive been so much fucking happier its crazy. i never understood how much she was contributing to my depression. i graduated in decemeber and officially moved out. i make the same amount as my ex (but i also get benefits, she didnt) and pay all my bills myself. i absolutley love my job. i work in a daycare with toddlers all day and its so rewarding and fun. i look foward to going every day, and they feed me lunch and breakfast. i live in a studio apartment by myself and i cant get over how much freedom i have and how much i love it. i can cook dinner every night! i take baths whenever i want! in conclusion fuck you hannah",2.121015845070424,4.008111061971832,3.4283934859154965,90.24188600352116,77.8169014084507,6.578345070422535,22.079665492957744,7.531066641456977,0.741480633802817,1357,39,293,19,32,442,191,355,0.13,0.743,0.127,0.6425,1,0,2,0,3,0,33.0,3,1,1,6,16,23,7,0,14,0,21,13,2,6,8,51,55,26,0,5,1,3,0,0,1,2,1,5,3,0,12,21,5,1,8,2,7,4,9,13,0,3,21,6,77,10,34,25,11,46,0,4,1,5,52,18,6,0,22,204,89,7,0.0,0.1042304463025813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034983454922122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345154416826245,0.053625891649555266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982753421481128,0.0,0.08969160597512794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346715989726534,0.0,0.07576870924984687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310056196406904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957419245113412,0.14823758046663674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293059022141268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636718756087456,0.0,0.07482751077125542,0.0,0.0,0.06796565239181232,0.16265428991199646,0.13788258687568022,0.0,0.04999556114767356,0.07378533219019638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779186502864398,0.0936460433423628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05896465235815546,0.0,0.08824140541267024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729697032897425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0483461882307526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995561419752855,0.06213603986873231,0.0,0.0,0.15535881165555962,0.0,0.07387291440829462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381899500067997,0.08323964550702365,0.058720872892697465,0.0,0.0,0.19165093961632848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302977766258553,0.0,0.09349853010431954,0.25867323402977266,0.0,0.2035444060783323,0.0,0.0,0.0825541877228489,0.0,0.08440989632607647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05961096673181165,0.1338107876250874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841757172974482,0.0,0.08843447096054209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18889440724791692,0.0,0.0,0.4183996050959364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060054229105366,0.07276995924135184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544770310339513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376465819979596,0.07025321261395602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614273394121746,0.2121216371843409,0.1537798773791763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688714575019273,0.05636783011436666,0.0,0.0,0.15388860621548642,0.0,0.0,0.16811882470310838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759781131294907,0.0,0.0,0.05188717502165016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808688396292858,0.0,0.0,0.12498318520944815,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,EmperorPepetine,2020/01/23,"Having a relationship with a BPD partner I’ve met a girl on tinder who has BPD, she been super open with about loads of stuff like her PBD and battles with other mental health issues. Sometimes we’ll be chatting and she’ll quite responsive but rarely engaging me, more responding. Other times I could hear nothing for hours. I just can’t describe how I feel this girl other than I’ve totally fallen for her and we haven’t even met. I suggested meeting and she hasn’t said yes or no not that she doesn’t know she’s free and we’ve just continued chatting like normal. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, I just want to hold her tight to my chest and kiss her forehead and we haven’t even met. I’m in such a fucking I feel totally infatuated and have no clue where I stand and am filled with anxiety whenever she doesn’t respond. What the fuck do I do guys ?",3.0549333333333344,4.9473533885714325,4.064,86.70533333333336,75.11428571428571,7.180952380952381,24.23809523809524,8.021203637495839,1.3064666666666669,693,22,140,11,15,224,107,175,0.115,0.747,0.138,0.4919,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,3,0,0,2,10,9,3,0,5,1,17,6,2,1,3,35,30,12,0,3,6,0,4,2,1,2,1,2,0,4,9,16,0,2,4,2,1,2,10,3,0,0,6,6,23,7,14,20,3,12,0,0,0,3,30,4,2,1,6,92,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342799816194548,0.0,0.0,0.12195593788025595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841543167358434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4393424681910415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139257229491618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23040065284628386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763802518181445,0.0,0.16746700773476342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224901323339985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269956653570528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853963792468896,0.19657985521930504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176492981348485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820453106912055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585464145344927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042199588540938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577061523200138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452060909380545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089094967501403,0.16735715148505168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855132128028151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18725784122721773,0.0,0.0,0.16590984976650114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725021883483602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996649438346872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170355176814504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028752573831449,0.13844354681764928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HeadReader23,2020/01/23,"New here, needing help I'm new here, I decided I need to find a community of people who understand, and a place where i can tell someone how dark i feel without being judged. I hope to find relief, coping strategies, anything that will help in this group. I just want to know i'm not the crazy, awful, unstable, horrible person i feel like. i have abad habit of pushing people away, I've never felt fully like there's someone i can 100% trust or who doesn't have it out for me or secretly hates me. Am i the problem always? or is my head just telling me that? how do i know when a situation IS my fault? I also have bipolar 2 disorder, so i just constantly have an emotional war inside of me.",2.536833333333334,4.300569778571429,4.3842857142857135,84.40904761904763,76.21428571428572,7.523809523809526,25.952380952380953,8.344100000000001,1.7647380952380955,539,20,109,10,12,183,92,140,0.157,0.675,0.16699999999999998,-0.3879,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,13,9,2,0,6,1,13,2,1,2,1,28,26,9,1,5,8,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,10,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,3,19,5,11,23,0,11,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,4,7,73,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616269681068235,0.13127112399194574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982518021920295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822315896862212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048532790776072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808096112207226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746169437590914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595390248650815,0.1127056352750716,0.15147683958759803,0.0,0.2883843224964128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575790900404513,0.16190994543344167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21148989491380704,0.0,0.0,0.15669386199891028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340440178124458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414967808954094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339579425953047,0.12167624537246965,0.30473621057486994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21874544984074146,0.13775221995939085,0.1648283423243642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509575049929841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733177603250547,0.0,0.0,0.26734348352766163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27578293779495044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164236433766893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305247087737076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152077519748978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bowie1287,2020/01/23,"I just had an episode over my Bluetooth not being connected to my car I got back from being hospitalized two days ago and today was my first day back to reality. Everything was going fine except for the fact that I was a little on edge all day, I just couldn’t figure out why or what to make of it. And so, I’m getting ready to go my next class and my Bluetooth won’t connect to my new car. This just flooded my body with rage and anxiety which led me to scream and freak out for about a half hour. I was still driving to class when the thoughts of driving my brand new car into something at high speed so that I’d kill myself. The urge to just kill myself was stronger than anything else in that moment. even though I’ve been consciously working on myself I just felt so out of control of my own life and brain I guess Im just at a loss right now and could use some support from you guys. I would appreciate anything like a message or a comment.",7.470410256410254,5.388134605128208,7.322564102564106,81.15410256410256,64.48717948717949,10.102564102564104,34.48717948717949,8.167268648758528,2.4052564102564102,748,25,161,7,9,239,119,195,0.115,0.81,0.075,-0.8768,0,0,1,0,0,2,10.0,0,1,0,4,17,9,3,0,9,0,13,3,2,4,2,37,24,14,2,3,10,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,7,12,0,1,4,0,0,8,3,6,0,3,10,2,22,3,30,8,3,38,0,1,0,0,4,13,0,4,18,113,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292473106589557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154040479591001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399701377835109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22423004753483008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195645495197136,0.0,0.16276656979158802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16353267458870105,0.11641340619829567,0.0,0.0,0.2820964351498099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180134515005428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630280914701583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104010762913887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999563877158408,0.0,0.0,0.12402163503411995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617708019773294,0.0,0.1657286517772203,0.0,0.116613555961466,0.0,0.1606206152903009,0.14436984609550024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405095858309564,0.0,0.0,0.14358852763333568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574943904447678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226231983008911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298636396743192,0.07123294461824184,0.14613488667976118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732595126738686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816387018134867,0.15506524226272678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451664975993107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224779113561087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644003929807994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16545775480600067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325264508515828,0.1157528615076449,0.0,0.0,0.1382060653018978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243027173815806,0.0,0.0,0.1259286821117473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315663090731817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614775643191876,0.0,0.0,0.10357566903991194,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bubble_head2019,2020/01/23,"I’m a witness to a stabbing and have PTSD relating to court. St Patrick’s day 2018 me and friends went out for drinks at bar. Long story short I tried to diffuse a situation between strangers and a friend got stabbed. It’s inadvertently my fault, I know, because I was trying to be too nice I guess. But now I have to testify as a witness and it’s fucking me up bad. I was raped as a teenager and had to go through the whole process of TRYING to charge the man in that exact same court room. I was ripped apart by his lawyer on the stand, made out to be some loose girl (I was a virgin before that man raped me) and I just can’t mentally handle having that done again by this guys lawyer. I asked to not be a witness but they said my testimony is pretty important since I was trying to diffuse him trying to fight (and probably stab) some other guy who was just waiting for cab home after last call. There is video but no sound. You can see the whole minute I’m trying to talk to him (he has his back to camera, facing me) he is tossing the big buck knife between his hands behind his back. The what if scares me to death.. what if friend hadn’t stepped in? Would he have stabbed me instead? What if I hadn’t stepped in? Would that other guy have been fatally wounded? Did I do the wrong thing? Friends haven’t been the same since, it’s almost like they blame me for all that.",1.5772036474164108,3.6966280425531965,2.4811195542046605,95.21250000000002,80.63120567375888,5.305167173252278,22.128166160081054,6.367922702773337,0.2188719351570408,1076,34,239,9,28,338,153,282,0.136,0.7829999999999999,0.081,-0.9467,0,0,1,0,1,0,29.0,0,1,2,0,9,15,4,1,16,0,31,9,2,1,2,31,44,15,2,5,9,0,1,1,4,2,1,2,2,6,16,9,2,1,1,3,1,4,6,9,0,0,17,4,31,6,36,22,7,25,0,0,1,4,28,12,1,7,9,161,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747518791718176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967477304644792,0.0,0.0,0.18041777103191475,0.0979540932685236,0.07151484222326238,0.0,0.0998274113837141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979291605364302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565921785136333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200551629413018,0.0,0.114925174033649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625526966835517,0.10845689947693084,0.0,0.0,0.0666734772580512,0.0,0.09382845015632928,0.0,0.1292369765383448,0.348484328346648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767767381632672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447389343216804,0.09562832834785898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05731474988902521,0.0,0.0,0.10382110984161097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100738714158903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822709618582453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935271060160466,0.1264866626339781,0.0,0.1371363129892493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115945332536371,0.0,0.11745394209097475,0.0,0.09348579051483102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19409027966369188,0.13186827915107133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942942855198446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793964379072316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.477899830672949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875325562456284,0.0,0.2619586059906773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667606814307565,0.12826680431850448,0.0,0.0 bpd,drumdreez,2020/01/23,"Relationship advice, just got diagnosed, need any support/advice Hi all, first time posting (hope I picked the right flair)! My partner of a little over a year and I are on a break and have been since the end of December. I was lashing out bad, like really really really bad in a way that led to the end of my last long-term relationship a couple of years ago, and we decided to split up for a bit so I could get some real mental health help. At this point, I had been diagnosed with GAD and ADHD and that's it. We didn't talk for two weeks and then she contacted me. Things were going okay, FaceTiming every once in a while, texting a little, but I couldn't handle it. I wanted more and started lashing out because I wasn't getting it and felt ignored and hated and unloved. This all led to a huge blow out fight via text on Sunday. On Tuesday, I ran into her in person and tried to apologize. She screamed at me that I need to ""respect her time"" and that she was anxious and stressed and I needed to leave her alone, but was like, straight up screaming in an unhinged way that I've never seen before. It was really scary. Yesterday, I went to therapy and we had been talking about BPD for a little while but I didn't really think anything of it because I didn't think I had anything ""serious."" Obviously you can see where that went - she told me that the chances are incredibly high and that I should start looking into DBT groups around town and that we'll start working on coping mechanisms and stuff when we meet again next week. It's been really hard for me to wrap my head around. On one hand, I'm glad I know because it really explains everything about me and I do really hope that I can get ""better"" or learn how to cope because I hate thinking/acting like this all the time. I know it hurts other people and makes life even harder for me. But on the other hand, I can't help feeling like everything's hopeless. I feel like there's no way my partner will ever come back and that I screwed everything up and it's all over with her but I love her so much and don't want to treat her like this and don't want this to be the end. I just don't know what to do. All my friends say that if she hasn't dumped me yet, she probably won't and that I just need to give her space but I don't know what's going on and don't feel like that's true. I don't know how to navigate this and my diagnosis at the same time. I just feel like it's all over and I'll never find anyone better than her, that she hates me now and that there's nothing I can do to get her back even though I know what I need to work toward now. I'm so frustrated because I want to prove to her that I can be better and that the push to go to therapy was a good idea and that I can learn to not be so clingy or angry or emotional or whatever but it feels like it's too late and I'm completely alone and always will be. I guess I don't really have a specific question but rather like...has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Or just like, am I valid? I'm just looking for any sort of support and understanding and thoughts on her and my mental health and everything that's been going on. It's been so overwhelming and I feel really misunderstood and alone.",4.027885138813281,4.555037488023956,5.098573761567773,85.54880783886775,70.82634730538922,8.647577572128471,26.259662493195428,8.776555601660561,1.6485197604790425,2534,74,551,43,44,836,263,668,0.14300000000000002,0.725,0.131,-0.8195,0,3,0,0,1,1,60.0,5,1,0,6,35,42,7,2,23,1,53,10,3,6,13,138,115,65,0,16,22,0,10,10,3,5,5,3,0,3,46,53,0,1,25,0,0,11,19,18,0,3,28,17,79,24,69,76,11,94,0,3,4,2,46,42,1,12,46,372,125,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505957315293845,0.10579990338175953,0.04798728075873882,0.0,0.0,0.16820214406633865,0.0,0.0,0.04504453424010935,0.0,0.0,0.07362711262899406,0.0,0.0,0.061156974869341935,0.0,0.07570469564882291,0.0,0.08909674264647963,0.09638299261839846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325272062327167,0.09040068186351484,0.16500051923869036,0.0,0.04606477257166987,0.0,0.0,0.1436336344228777,0.05910123852957816,0.0,0.06818095210883154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046632382319656066,0.05675936327504408,0.0,0.0,0.04322227502326475,0.059899185038796925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098914722657805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060894423126246086,0.1438422347004205,0.0,0.0,0.07151111952475855,0.0979361473986456,0.04561094835965315,0.0,0.19461166049474374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642332490870516,0.19336974853329997,0.05197794823335064,0.0,0.04947827478721605,0.046047078196034937,0.0,0.0,0.04182445303970391,0.0,0.11313290516273587,0.05193108369371237,0.12306433769575174,0.045405746176278725,0.04329658715270158,0.0,0.05963564365308492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048494195002368234,0.16034087890641555,0.05555797694958701,0.11508563428096752,0.0,0.0,0.07257090152946823,0.057196444266344376,0.0,0.10753624738458008,0.0,0.0,0.057952479640509126,0.0611116595727811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850659633035965,0.04412713037124536,0.06106647198506938,0.05732099273315721,0.0,0.0,0.03823704753956039,0.2909231012052357,0.16277203293426368,0.0,0.047907641265076274,0.0909192843986588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048858818280535565,0.0,0.03613543465444484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911039807844654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039795345695121616,0.2007015373126983,0.0835042716816295,0.0,0.05757303017327978,0.0,0.0,0.05194385135338685,0.0,0.0,0.05765185153559916,0.03668317732540971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03753029076609399,0.047268465447074005,0.0,0.0,0.051174933892521535,0.0,0.05184622479354645,0.0,0.05836652745795115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606434245569904,0.0,0.0,0.061617314193114274,0.3468017295036325,0.0,0.0,0.11624114515753478,0.0,0.046230868562783,0.0,0.04305020781575839,0.0,0.0,0.0431384688740012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04478090970782381,0.06084984278679364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495078247487353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06201129105949136,0.0,0.0619714548855577,0.0,0.1228631790186647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702308828952306,0.0,0.0,0.12381584431107424,0.0,0.03596479079014106,0.06937485569850413,0.053187218086669937,0.04297702625667653,0.12626587219675225,0.0,0.0,0.051728171815006635,0.0,0.03675401159335343,0.0,0.05288188515177325,0.05635629100532553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277205552325332,0.12890917931357038,0.08684742721592725,0.0,0.0,0.10036710192790692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788216352640334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972214073423774 bpd,FluffyKnight46,2020/01/23,"Just some thoughts on this sub, a little venting, and maybe some motivation Wish I could choose more than one flair haha So I recently discovered the power of venting. Tbh I've lurked and even posted a few times on this sub, for a long time now. This is a new account, but that's a whole different story. As I got older and made more progress, I reached a point where I no longer liked to read posts here. When I read many of the posts people make here, I saw the old me and it made me upset, angry even. Part of me even wanted to do the text equivalent of yelling at some of you guys. In particular it upset me that so many people come here with problems and but their goal is not to get better. They think they are already defeated. I understand now the power of validating, and just listening. It's okay feel stuff, even really bad stuff because it's there for a reason. I think the reason reading posts on this sub made me so upset, is I was still figuring this out. I saw everyone's problems, and it was like a whirlwind of my own thoughts manifesting themselves on the screen. Thoughts that I have tried very hard to suppress. Now when I see people say things like ""there is no hope"" or ""I'll never get better,"" I try and remember that I used to feel the same way, and I still do sometimes, and it's okay to feel that way. I'm not saying I really believe that, but it's okay to feel hopeless. This probably sounds very ironic coming from someone with BPD. Some of your are undoubtedly thinking ""How can you have BPD, and not understand how important validation is?"" Well, of course I understood, and still do, it's just that suppressing my feelings is kind of a big problem for me right now. I used to be the typical pwBPD, but I guess you could say it hurt too much, so I stopped. It wasn't healthy, and no I'm not all better, and yes there is more to the story. I still empathize greatly with all of you. tl;dr I'm not sure what my point was here, but I'm sure there is a lesson in there somewhere lol. Maybe I just felt a need to share my growth with someone, since I don't have anyone except my parents to talk to. Maybe someone else will learn gain something from it? I hope so.",3.372351601232752,4.810990282460139,4.1485495109205415,88.31680255929254,73.28246013667426,7.351494037250436,25.440238509982578,7.928766900206844,1.2776511590513198,1710,55,361,24,34,547,199,439,0.157,0.718,0.126,-0.9508,4,0,1,0,1,1,57.0,0,5,3,11,37,28,0,3,21,6,26,0,0,11,6,93,66,30,0,10,16,1,7,3,0,1,0,6,0,1,28,21,0,3,23,3,1,3,11,10,1,1,15,17,44,18,43,47,15,42,0,3,4,0,16,14,0,8,22,244,72,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826414828024113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0495902846117687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921687557539715,0.043233369555266125,0.0,0.0,0.07990476420374762,0.0,0.1881741350336963,0.0,0.0,0.17864745594447934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221859802242008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325083082902095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409835496665189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059246198461195526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18737314718702652,0.0,0.0,0.06776897366187445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17930137391394033,0.0,0.06809620524424406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410759554468321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056722771585545714,0.07819171310880146,0.07812853658327812,0.07022389238024314,0.0,0.0,0.06353214715614389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088302101154565,0.0,0.0,0.07592342680200083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385430930540234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394666418408986,0.07108243745311042,0.0,0.06276370428683141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20132422483744453,0.04734096012739869,0.1438074749663027,0.21375192914689725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521358022070191,0.05258773592341085,0.054699389033933066,0.06849687251581171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442066840611923,0.0,0.048058556696920884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875044537727975,0.07680157318516373,0.0,0.1475050749258489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408835554881726,0.0,0.2716945385247245,0.0,0.07646587001331967,0.20358821727099613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128234624559637,0.0,0.0908688494025068,0.14583917724900566,0.07002688105195304,0.0,0.08034075715281032,0.06056696774827665,0.0,0.16919997153802238,0.0,0.0,0.05651562114723081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05866737957408134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027584389707604,0.0545991910209069,0.07014363355351665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265534807874124,0.059293935624600926,0.0,0.0,0.162377356344499,0.0,0.0,0.13368621907886535,0.0,0.0,0.057004386307702215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047117399944623994,0.13633178798900678,0.0,0.16891234649874848,0.08271033236876256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630271305724383,0.0,0.0,0.14766452657477694,0.0,0.1225076075006887,0.0,0.11703609183957188,0.041831610512873936,0.11258910404331264,0.0,0.0,0.06376736091926591,0.0,0.0,0.07918183742628315,0.08155675580568719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sputniksweethatu,2020/01/23,"DAE feel like they can’t seek support in people around you? It sucks, I am having an extremely difficult time, I feel emotionally that I am at my lowest but even if my friends tell me that I can’t share and support in them, I just can’t, I don’t want them to feel worry about me or just see how instable I am. My friends call me the “manager” of our group because I have everything in order lmao. I just don’t want to change their perception about me. I also searched support in my mom who was with me when I got diagnosed the first time. But she just doesn’t get it, she always tell me that I shouldn’t be such a cry baby, that people have it worse than me, I just can’t really. It’s hard to find someone to just tell them and vent how miserable you feel and then move on and don’t take it so badly and make them about them I feel a certain way but I want to move past it. Is it that hard? Or am I just the problem?",2.0831818181818207,3.0717458030303035,3.622646464646464,92.60063636363638,75.81818181818181,7.300202020202018,22.79595959595959,7.793537801064563,0.7298177777777775,711,19,171,10,15,236,100,198,0.16399999999999998,0.6779999999999999,0.158,-0.5201,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,2,7,1,18,13,1,1,6,0,19,1,0,3,1,36,36,17,0,6,13,1,7,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,13,7,0,0,7,0,0,2,9,5,0,1,2,8,39,8,18,32,0,17,0,1,1,0,22,7,1,3,7,122,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044969126173517,0.10451697855158262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181888482337254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487849732236998,0.07657024773902216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282611130004517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287795699469096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797588964137547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749076934152506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129352702085812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296374101381658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128895163916764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175591160662875,0.08973529064480243,0.0,0.0,0.11480460108964854,0.10684318453652963,0.0,0.0,0.19409082744560735,0.0,0.06562566148060581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046121126869603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22504247516119866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061366346644546266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384516595506834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471120639200779,0.0,0.2670055599301738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990826528757174,0.17416331020875406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019111158460252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046851751417937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000943289149914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642833048142557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42761974775305817,0.0,0.0,0.0944425419928146,0.0,0.3293641265253712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464875559134296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22226281318636332,0.09970279529439192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275623152523877,0.12800658159362266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shhhdontlookatme,2020/01/23,"If they wrote a book about you... What parts of you would you want the readers to see? What parts of your diagnosis would you want them to see? What would make YOU feel seen in a character? I’m writing a book about my life and struggles with BPD, but I want your perspective. I want those who struggle with mental illness to be able to see themselves in a character who is strong and the hero of the story, I want them to see a positive representation of themselves. BPD is something I deal with, but it’s not who I am; I want non BPD people, and especially people who discount/misunderstand/minimize mental health to understand that. We are more than just a throwaway label of crazy: we are human, we have hopes and dreams, fears and failures, relationships, careers. If I were to write your story, what would that look like? Thank you for any input. You’re so appreciated!",5.737818181818183,6.779543024242425,5.850303030303032,79.83545454545455,67.24242424242425,8.90909090909091,29.54545454545455,9.095868883498916,2.3108181818181817,689,24,132,12,11,218,91,165,0.10099999999999999,0.6709999999999999,0.228,0.9725,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,3,9,3,2,4,8,0,3,9,0,12,3,0,1,0,34,31,10,0,13,6,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,12,11,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,7,23,5,21,23,3,2,0,0,6,0,25,2,0,3,1,92,35,3,0.11800663187161425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024855629253105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4458756654729367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165965580581715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279026865211305,0.059667698776847536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543553144064187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172072120390432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335157396163455,0.057652079587255066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909585004246413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877034311081645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237845858941116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555793653092624,0.0,0.16362188023828256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669495988097873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761440289261748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084727049717667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24673230723786896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864465193637768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284906550574633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4176202135456998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33531410202368683,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,maab_sui999,2020/01/23,"so close from falling off the edge im in a real dark place rn , dont have anyone reaching out to me ,im the one who always reaching out to hangout or have a sesh im tired of it because no one seems to care for me , . im always getting high i started harming myself again , i feel like a sore f\*cken loser a dip sh\*t bastard good for nothing , i need to convince myself everyday not to end my life from the moment i wake up, i feel like everyone would be better off if i wasn't alive no more",1.3882285115303998,2.8212498773584898,3.6976729559748454,89.52961215932915,78.52830188679245,5.4658280922431866,24.985324947589106,5.82211442006289,0.6427350104821805,381,14,82,2,9,132,72,106,0.252,0.628,0.12,-0.9056,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,2,9,1,0,7,0,6,4,1,0,0,12,13,3,0,3,3,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,3,0,2,1,2,11,6,16,10,1,15,0,1,0,0,1,9,1,3,7,52,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25481730148628073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706552182470963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334092973881786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542277564394012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611671216949513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945626663348202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561945122552274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631334716945088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484480730265945,0.21877885226954255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999922212871373,0.0,0.0,0.12843034019328184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617803783348093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6615863297733645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815364655449652,0.14961403468353682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353702509067325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692339763265352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075170364994084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15997849383131812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428482714269894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939529300262687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837958732812436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17598966733324556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877251967581512,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,EnchantedLunas,2020/01/23,Bpd made me fearless of the things i should be scared of Basically whenever i think about someone robbing me or trying to murder me i laugh so fucking hard because i know that they wont know what kinda crazy they fuck with so all my internalized anger will rise to the surface and they'll be done. I also say fuck off to ghosts now instead of being scared to hell of them. So thats one plus of my bpd killing any internal soul i had 😎,5.6773333333333325,5.160218733333338,6.114444444444448,83.28500000000003,67.22222222222223,8.977777777777778,31.333333333333336,8.238735603445708,2.0352666666666672,346,12,74,4,5,112,64,90,0.312,0.628,0.06,-0.9804,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,4,0,7,11,7,2,2,0,9,3,0,1,1,11,16,7,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,9,0,1,3,2,15,2,13,6,1,4,2,0,0,3,5,2,4,2,1,52,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161828959460172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893045231750316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557477031736688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4775741262121947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19402053407371755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5258299196374098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983902459775055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209757720521838,0.0,0.2083918580600704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793984699339369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847383188420078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150772794636591,0.3796334287546853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606424193973577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259578592316343,0.12148420880961355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287219115352821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fluffyhummus,2020/01/23,"I don’t know what to do anymore I feel like I’m losing it. I feel nothing but sadness and anger, almost all of the time now. I’m splitting on everyone today, and I just want to push everyone out of my life. Everything is just getting to be too much for me. I’m tired of being alive, it’s fucking exhausting. I think about existing even next week and I feel...angry? I’m sick of doing the same shit over and over, every day. I’m tired of fighting with myself because of this stupid illness. I’m tired of closing myself off because I only feel worse when I try to open up but it doesn’t go the way I planned.",2.3749218749999983,3.6155766484375,4.0598125,88.75393750000002,75.484375,6.682500000000001,26.08125,7.1686216300943375,1.1378162499999998,473,17,102,5,10,159,80,128,0.318,0.618,0.064,-0.9919,0,0,0,0,3,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,8,9,5,0,3,0,7,9,1,0,1,21,22,7,0,1,4,0,3,1,0,0,7,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,8,0,0,0,3,13,1,20,20,3,18,0,2,0,1,1,8,2,1,8,63,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092242349548405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15937576110175278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19592804115500134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364115956977704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614385968248607,0.0,0.13540054007953214,0.3071202267425072,0.14443091453055704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250282578363564,0.11480738431482698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856879497769362,0.08396151039774948,0.0,0.09133211645339613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831903457441992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351039770273688,0.07851214045881501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797873187758989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813635746582245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17091114435965138,0.0,0.0,0.15420037907567422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222307498456625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496094234598416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297300612396762,0.0,0.0,0.09370813315612153,0.5541188235526542,0.15232915148174286,0.0,0.0,0.1091078611343148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478772520459286,0.12755981570210448,0.1289075208087148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16377169675660389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cocoyumi,2020/01/23,"Does anyone feel like they are too ugly to have mental health issues / BPD? I feel like in real life, media / movies/ and even memes (ie: ‘when she’s short, thicc, is sassy and bipolar <333’ ) I feel like mental illness has been fetishised and attractive people are more forgiven or even thought of endearingly for a lot of symptomatic behaviours that wouldn’t be acceptable for a less than average looking person. Whenever I have an episode or get upset I can’t help but think that nothing about me is redeemable enough to put up with my shitty mental health and ugly symptoms, and it usually makes me shut myself away because I can’t stand people looking at me or being around me. I know this is heavily about my self esteem and maybe it’s not specifically BPD related but I guess I just want to know if anyone else felt the same.",7.242222222222222,7.4082112547770755,6.921613588110407,76.50850672328382,63.8407643312102,10.03510261854211,32.7310686482661,9.725611199111238,3.0248321302193912,665,24,119,12,9,209,108,157,0.096,0.815,0.08900000000000001,-0.723,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,8,6,0,1,4,0,14,6,0,1,0,32,28,13,0,3,8,0,4,3,0,1,6,0,0,2,5,8,0,0,9,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,6,17,5,16,22,5,11,0,0,2,0,5,7,0,6,5,79,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180976096683834,0.13259813479536656,0.0,0.1152043320515994,0.0,0.0,0.1215870610149502,0.0,0.0,0.07888850134512977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32598037612045017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324952475629567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810732207734064,0.0,0.0,0.13371743969092476,0.0,0.17095113017977154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19630415333385312,0.2773563938646013,0.1242560465277089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761255496564647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256217423590126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27511832255647634,0.0,0.0,0.08674229768093812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350727579203176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142243167169986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140769344776344,0.18967285320719315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173473793499427,0.0,0.0,0.11002166002009993,0.0,0.0,0.08638367619983761,0.0,0.13001199091883034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3912513044789629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417453612479322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794363076701077,0.11299777774060885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300950467531186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729946293608287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500519179577736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345088701303571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292213900812853,0.0,0.1027388643776008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425293009469853,0.0,0.07633069307714492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sugar_vicious,2020/01/23,Has anyone in the UK been successful in claiming PIP or other non means tested disability benefits as a result of their BPD only? I’ve been on ESA before but not for a few years and I was widely denied PIP. I’m thinking trying to work full time is where I keep going wrong.,3.8212499999999987,4.870241482142858,5.673571428571428,79.32142857142857,71.67857142857143,7.742857142857144,22.92857142857143,8.07648339933343,1.2663357142857152,217,5,41,3,4,75,49,56,0.13699999999999998,0.79,0.07200000000000001,-0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,2,1,3,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,8,10,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,3,2,7,7,2,9,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,2,26,4,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23270108567178344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831877863528017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4191492071101843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891375742537952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29580740710715897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625161213355008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531089480688475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132444242858036,0.0,0.0,0.1940580124631658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22594895408445215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422819343393145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363863911465014,0.0,0.21431190899279787 bpd,fuckinohwell,2020/01/23,"Relationship trouble I was diagnosed this week with BPD. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions. On one hand, I feel incredibly relieved that I know ""what's wrong"" with me instead of constantly wondering why I am the way I am. On the other hand, I feel sad because I know my thinking will never be like most other people. I need some advice. My partner and I have been dating on and off for the past year but we've known each other for 10. He's never really understood my mood swings or why I get so angry and jealous over the smallest things. I don't yell or become physically aggressive...I have a tendency to withdraw. He accuses me of being cold and obstinate. Which hurts because on the inside, I feel the opposite. However, instead of subjecting him to the tears and hysterics, I just shut down and stonewall. A part of me is terrified that if I'm not distant, then I'll lose control and scare him away. I'm not sure what to do. I feel like I don't trust myself at all.",3.7213126079447316,5.266742720207255,5.263233160621763,80.24476338514685,72.57512953367878,8.877236614853194,29.44697754749568,9.3871,2.7238714335060443,767,32,148,18,15,259,119,193,0.27,0.7,0.03,-0.9942,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,4,13,1,1,10,0,14,3,2,1,4,35,27,13,0,2,7,0,6,2,1,1,1,1,0,1,11,10,0,1,10,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,4,8,24,5,21,20,5,19,0,3,0,0,6,10,0,6,10,106,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588121281285418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269237550909187,0.0,0.0,0.1981406996795314,0.17948996686610966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20468756125727286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17562579214219298,0.18227938537437455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649538233578015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18281250962855464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32869887354391497,0.11610392939375334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490970622831477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398043529068072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863288177063047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587975907087269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18181769656739213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120506114809155,0.25069004166727543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012738710249848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599272973558314,0.15514320694387865,0.11267052530926845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104114122869088,0.0,0.0,0.1744850708601831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16271032377706093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15317266071487015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797070281757554,0.1041359029633048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290003767975806,0.13036330183480993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932970553334488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17624541370378755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776895086615954,0.0,0.10465719904987154 bpd,modulategod,2020/01/23,"What is your biggest obstacle with BPD? Mine is how I handle relationships. My abandonment issues are at an all time high lately and it is currently strangling my current relationship. Also does anyone else panic call/message someone repeatedly the moment the sign off of something during an argument or is that just me?",7.8817272727272725,10.056865854545457,8.223409090909094,60.59511363636364,63.18181818181819,10.590909090909092,37.38636363636364,10.686352973137794,4.93090909090909,262,13,34,7,4,86,49,55,0.198,0.802,0.0,-0.9013,2,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,5,0,0,1,1,8,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,4,5,1,10,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,6,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917854240707517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676889937824856,0.24572579703842864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020471889167305,0.0,0.2448848935183209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20986969219371274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003403586644788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533849216289249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25031167406216465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27052946064335304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28137923512380325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.514957771127211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20320025117187926,0.1846265548849217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984203275817886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bexchyolive,2020/01/23,"do you ever hold in your emotions when you just wanna break shit in public? in public, i cant have a mental breakdown or a panic attack unless im fully sent over the edge about something. i hold in my panic attacks unless im alone, i cry when im alone, etc. at school ive wanted to just push everything off the desks and scream but i held that in because of my social anxiety. too much attention on me. does anyone else hold it in? id be too embarrassed to do something like that but there was a time at school where i started punching a concrete wall during lunch because i was upset. i have a great fear of wasps and bees and one day at a public bus stop one was under my shirt and stung me. someone was there next to me so i stayed calm when i was about to have a panic attack ans freak out. they would've thought i was crazy. im just curious about if anyone else holds it in due to anxiety and you dont want attention drawn to you. its hard when i explain bpd to people because i dont seem like it, it just depends on how close i am with the person. *** im 16 and im not medically diagnosed because my personality isnt fully developed so they cant really diagnose me yet. my therapist says i show great signs of borderline personality disorder and my parents and ex boyfriend agree. im not saying i have it, this is something i experience and im curious***",1.0371335093559857,3.3245870676156635,3.3565491906784537,87.14270118241308,84.01779359430606,6.3304327861324765,22.231775915509125,7.601502580125103,1.096601331649639,1070,37,220,19,31,367,144,281,0.193,0.715,0.091,-0.9697,1,2,3,0,0,0,25.0,0,5,2,0,22,17,4,6,11,0,21,6,2,2,1,42,29,22,0,4,12,2,1,2,0,0,3,3,0,3,9,12,1,6,5,1,0,2,7,12,0,2,9,4,34,5,33,19,2,35,0,0,0,0,20,19,1,4,14,144,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237867077759593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255136079199823,0.0,0.0,0.10287426143070204,0.15074847379422468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25106643034430537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793738832909664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265033075854086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080576939574953,0.047442206718390036,0.0,0.0,0.14933028856381672,0.0,0.0,0.08430985097559245,0.0,0.06437569065839302,0.0,0.17243114846305166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290530205640017,0.08274874828664121,0.0,0.0,0.08204246275284625,0.0,0.06654216587660695,0.0,0.0,0.06611390042458544,0.07195896842363762,0.0,0.08277910142786564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220747267420044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589821743273387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6356874172762511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187857050253553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410722919937718,0.07413444780756215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0540774487193749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823534467238523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969671608716588,0.0,0.0,0.2589318506452909,0.08168327696594715,0.0,0.0,0.05099949099262308,0.19269776188206644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0471264978741527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700088866424868,0.0,0.14889986079570927,0.0,0.06696921459944717,0.0,0.0,0.07551161295112319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498846333676913,0.062329898016310864,0.16989773788241072,0.0,0.0,0.05206844281205328,0.07840863032478379,0.0,0.061502166023592576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541259630326707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05840099873266225,0.0428953192229968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677901467311648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052257217986226984,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,citrusconsumer,2020/01/23,[NSFW] DAE use food as a way to punish themselves? i was diagnosed with bpd when i was 16 (two years ago) but i’ve recently come to the realization that i have fallen back into anorexia. it started as just not being able to go out to buy food due to my anxiety but since then it has spiralled into starving myself on purpose. i am addicted to how it feels to be weak and unable to function. i think this is my way of slowly killing myself as it makes me feel less guilty about how my parents will react. every time i’m in a low or self hating mood i refuse to eat. my bmi is now at 16.1 and i still don’t plan on stopping.,4.159332061068703,4.116368854961834,5.568769083969468,84.30292461832063,70.37404580152672,8.076717557251909,27.825381679389313,7.645422480735847,1.490533587786259,484,15,104,5,8,164,96,131,0.251,0.7490000000000001,0.0,-0.9884,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,3,0,3,0,11,6,0,5,0,22,21,12,1,0,5,1,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,6,7,3,2,3,0,1,3,2,5,0,1,2,2,14,0,22,16,1,25,0,1,0,0,3,8,0,1,12,72,20,0,0.1816424915569076,0.0,0.0,0.1980171272357789,0.0,0.0,0.16101510908439987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389560088636716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396718638853903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22877235941906446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564689227509001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18436330538585174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18586561596044635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304163331311654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183687802954754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4392856436005949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032316139046512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17933435485126645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20096050433362134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124777359129847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20169249093434047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935004689898626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18949273344927425,0.0,0.0,0.15025654605758934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856749043275248,0.0,0.14505992839451812,0.15186125635394204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638917418731767,0.0,0.0,0.10591719755705573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17743832056478576,0.0,0.0,0.1568807922091393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288358710071663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697180917963115 bpd,rumblingspires,2020/01/23,"Day #2 of Staying Home I have been managing my BPD symptoms pretty well lately. Using mindfulness to help my anxiety works well but I can’t seem to figure out how to help my brain not be depressed. I’m on Lexapro and Lamictal. Today is my 69th (nice) day of not drinking, which was my coping mechanism of choice for 15 years. I called off work yesterday due to severe back pain (unrelated, must have tweaked it somehow) and I woke up and mentally couldn’t make myself get out of bed. Today, my back still hurt and I woke up wanting to cry but I pulled myself together, took a shower, put on work clothes, emailed my therapist, drank coffee... and called off work again after I burst into tears for no reason. Yesterday, neither of my bosses replied to my texts about not coming in to work. My assistant did, though, so I know my texts were going through. Two days in a row I’ve offered to do whatever I can from home to no response. I texted a THIRD boss today to tell her that I didn’t get a response from the other two and to let me know that she got my message. No response yet. She’s on vacation which is why I didn’t text her before but now I’m getting really nervous. They always tell me what a great job I do. They have worked with me to make a schedule work where I could take a day off during the week to go to doctor appointments when I had a lot to go to. They worked with me when I was in outpatient therapy after my last series of panic attacks (obv I didn’t tell them why I had to leave early every day to go to the hospital after work for a month). I’m afraid I’ve finally ruined everything. I really like my job. I’m just not dealing with things very well right now. I asked my doctor for an excuse from work so at least I’ll have something to give them. Haven’t heard back from them yet either. Fuck. Now I’m just laying here depressed, in pain, the anxiety piling up, feeling like I’ve probably ruined all of my chances that I had with building this career. I feel absolutely worthless, not like a real human, and like my fucking skin is too tight. Any support is welcome.",3.900847189231986,4.953822334916868,4.9623349168646085,84.48000277117976,71.49406175771972,7.9886302454473475,27.09746634996041,8.344100000000001,1.7438911480601749,1637,55,331,25,30,538,215,421,0.14300000000000002,0.7390000000000001,0.11800000000000001,-0.9384,3,0,2,0,0,0,49.0,0,0,6,10,26,25,3,3,15,0,29,11,2,7,2,49,63,16,0,4,11,0,4,4,0,1,5,1,4,1,10,15,2,1,7,1,0,8,15,14,3,3,17,5,55,11,61,41,5,62,0,6,0,2,27,19,2,3,38,221,65,18,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059457874245930416,0.0,0.0,0.0485931498420024,0.0,0.10932868265792453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680256581122199,0.08129255211730241,0.0,0.16483786136173556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06080456821096175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999747793695619,0.07976954489551917,0.1459309909855493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155380159933755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05705252893186659,0.0,0.07849206137564002,0.2304189805617735,0.07366893757874046,0.12309146547521473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462783525944971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000056885002713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06020552942894185,0.0,0.0642208640387314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226152248325679,0.05104883149628599,0.0,0.0782775532144683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212152555666332,0.1119998601670477,0.0685479802556427,0.16244243698622285,0.0,0.057150619439883615,0.07878149664274164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957921223927488,0.0,0.14335421594713355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764961011326658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181991637084004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854169905205217,0.058246919692001964,0.08060650805215369,0.0756625511857369,0.0,0.07306953285151283,0.0,0.1396409491467587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06075011040902387,0.0,0.0,0.0953960859292393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201175944333542,0.0,0.07215111003462815,0.0,0.057036224621637314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207038278200655,0.08383928880713186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269736771039212,0.07704263587825874,0.0,0.0,0.07183393208642026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133360862690267,0.0915542538909737,0.07346960563989398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06102381156021506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505168804066502,0.0,0.0807259700291227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05501102115673955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761635594816393,0.05706558142938909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810884558002843,0.0,0.07427109089173352,0.05372670414982776,0.0,0.18736946941497376,0.0,0.08171720526023668,0.08296698121212928,0.04747279651472786,0.0,0.07020605225111146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031983891725884,0.0,0.07939125736191999,0.0,0.0,0.13960603790380027,0.0,0.0,0.06171582822080055,0.0,0.05895943514825599,0.04214713749262385,0.0,0.05731842378990775,0.0,0.1927450338575136,0.0,0.12895749553227134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5202148225582489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04601590787725398 bpd,JayDee_45,2020/01/23,FP Hi i was wondering if anyone on here would have some insight on how a relationship between the people with bpd could work if it can. Its getting hard to tell whos abandoning who at this point lol,3.958916666666667,5.352557725000004,4.949999999999998,83.32166666666669,71.75,8.333333333333334,28.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.1350833333333337,159,6,32,3,3,52,37,40,0.098,0.833,0.069,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,1,0,10,8,3,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,6,5,1,4,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,4,0,23,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294122576790386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4132252568995475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26195785109838593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141654800097822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29390945078038433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274603619289305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31015664273505233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35225217296282113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867702477483933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35580597036658923,0.2388576975958925,0.0,0.0,0.2330698892321405,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,andesz,2020/01/23,"Cried in art therapy session and ruined it for everyone I am attending an art therapy group while on the waiting list for one-on-one therapy. Yesterday I was in a really awful mood, I've been feeling like wanting to die for days and I felt exhausted and depressed. But I went to group anyway, because I like painting and stuff. A guy started talking about shame (we had to do collage-like works on basic emotions) and a topic came up that I wanted to react to. He was telling about how his shame made him angry and aggressive and the therapist told us that this was normal but we should learn how to suppress and get over these feelings. To focus on the here and now. I wanted to add some stuff but we went on and later after we were suppoused to talk about the next exercise, I got to that black out place where one moment I'm talking about something and in the next I'm blabbing on about how shit everything is and I was crying and I halted the class and now I don't want to go back. I should, I payed for it and i enjoy it normally. But I'm scared that they hate me now or worse, they feel sorry for me. ugh",3.0625565388397256,4.581579778761069,4.291622418879058,86.65659783677486,74.22123893805309,7.3231071779744354,25.829891838741396,7.984000788550335,1.4835366764995084,874,30,178,13,18,287,125,226,0.205,0.757,0.038,-0.9886,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,5,0,2,1,15,14,3,3,10,1,13,3,1,5,0,49,35,24,1,8,5,0,4,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,11,22,0,3,5,3,1,5,1,10,0,1,14,5,25,3,33,19,1,31,0,2,1,0,18,13,1,2,15,125,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874872758904398,0.0,0.07035727372912788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200656659315904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535608208714453,0.07443456679777954,0.0,0.09940869331612112,0.0,0.11978486540811115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982885194054608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028611184644012,0.10372956651504073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17507526210760313,0.08245409403111642,0.11081864313535952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06030074036306144,0.0,0.06559427307792637,0.0,0.09230970447532287,0.0,0.0,0.11428120614576905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395062228933835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277405979781223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921057615835096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24549507250077526,0.0,0.226168765099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641940766285758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120586442761591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393923463090704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555278453193332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847413067402092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885382443152577,0.0,0.12920014254804016,0.0816929112837369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264250235992778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783039989111901,0.10087974851312477,0.0,0.39596899257005375,0.1340083028313878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028611184644012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13883271986914694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27230429658018995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213985861872524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402511994563305,0.0,0.11762002038975597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Peruvian-Flortist,2020/01/23,If I send an “x” to someone and don’t get one back I... Finish the sentence 🔊,-2.276666666666668,-0.7954097777777775,1.6866666666666674,99.00000000000004,91.22222222222223,3.6,20.11111111111111,3.1291,-0.6540888888888885,56,2,15,0,2,21,17,18,0.0,0.909,0.091,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.538190671150019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656761827292432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4742798475983682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.593034869998156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,panties_2_tha_side,2020/01/23,"Needing to be invalidated Being empathised with and given validation and loving reassurance convinces me that my concerns are justified, making me likelier to worry even more, as a result of which I've often acted out. Conversely, what works is being scolded or ridiculed and having my worries be callously dismissed. While it may sound like craving to be abused, mind you I'd never let anyone but my fp give me that treatment; she's very loving and kind and seems to understand and accommodate my needs to the best of her ability Having my worries be addressed this way doesn't lead to anger or upset but instead offers a strong sense of security I find this strange bc it runs contrary to what is usually reported by other pwBPD, though it should be noted that I also have mild aspd traits and a dx of schizoid PD. Would be nice to know if there are others with similar experiences",12.84265848670757,8.938150822085891,11.9448773006135,57.810526584867105,56.116564417177905,14.547648261758695,46.185071574642116,12.161744961471696,5.6276347648261735,716,31,114,15,6,234,116,163,0.113,0.6679999999999999,0.21899999999999997,0.9717,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,1,0,4,6,13,2,1,4,0,20,3,0,3,1,30,30,16,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,1,0,13,10,0,1,4,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,1,1,13,10,17,17,2,8,0,0,0,2,9,1,0,6,4,89,26,3,0.0,0.20723288851220384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987083368777345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229709048153414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835511778490092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552258126132735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710898790401826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985927944527584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677840558465494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18213581991482455,0.09612277977327872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17885140502925762,0.0,0.08544936233980531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157157568029084,0.0,0.11674991844691256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660339269360256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593785112867905,0.13489690939140098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592262240028405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184249846218622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820814511230157,0.0,0.0,0.1926322772297953,0.14431429084712774,0.0,0.13883082091801655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733234810828878,0.5328711464628697,0.0,0.1242469326631304,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tuxkittytoebeans,2020/01/23,"Understanding myself Hi all, firstly I don't know if I chose the correct flair for this post so feel free to correct me. Also I'm on mobile so apologies for format. I recently was diagnosed with BPD after years of treatment for depression and anxiety. It was tough for me to realize that all my feelings, thoughts and actions were most likely the result of BPD. I'm slowly accepting it for what it is, something that I dont want to define me or my life, however, I have this urge to hide behind it and use it as an excuse for any and all behaviour. I have trouble taking responsibility for my actions. This is especially tough for my LDR boyfriend who has been amazing through this whole process. I hate the way I lash put at him over little things, i hate knowing that I am hurting him in a way. What really made me realize that I had BPD was when the psychiatrist was reading off the description of what BPD was and its symptoms. One of the things was ""thinking one is mad or upset at you when in reality they are just mildly annoyed"" that hit me... hard. I thought back to every argument with my boyfriend and how I just assumed he was mad when he wasn't and was just mildly annoyed... i couldn't believe how accurately the description of BPD described my behaviour, but also that the psychiatrist seemed as if she was reading off a list of all of my traits and habits. Everything was eerily accurate. I'm glad I know now what is 'wrong' with me, but I still feel as if, even if my BPD can be cured... maybe I don't want to be cured? I apologize for the long post but I really needed to get my thoughts out. TLDR: I've recently been diagnosed with BPD and I talk about how eerily accurate the description of BPD is to who I am.",4.781606528114246,5.671248114369504,5.833229631518552,79.64810531684306,69.32258064516128,9.332194313400484,31.24837434655107,9.54385415503706,2.8095229121509617,1361,56,268,29,23,452,161,341,0.08900000000000001,0.871,0.04,-0.7848,1,0,1,0,1,0,36.0,0,1,1,1,18,18,6,1,13,0,33,4,0,6,6,59,58,31,0,8,12,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,24,14,0,0,16,2,1,3,5,13,0,3,19,4,42,6,45,35,6,29,0,2,0,0,14,10,0,9,13,201,66,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307575513492748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05232948090000561,0.0,0.05886748677100044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05917075243302965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669769444500522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.775339127932779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627798889846072,0.15620777438285982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018627833221857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05082556723588304,0.0,0.06483473725350737,0.0,0.06915881125268845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672657482241608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545468409449963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04020384603228477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893319486599693,0.15194683336292653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237789227827877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126871164570374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543529354186864,0.03759448813769698,0.07712535671842866,0.0,0.06809942449265327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728131224016789,0.0,0.0,0.07730786194823222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057058368247192265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428830134216677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739603025002418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735724869268383,0.0,0.0,0.15394412504771773,0.0,0.0985938675693913,0.0,0.15196012895797287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005351737653129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05924082283760807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06145335840887892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998180082745165,0.05785775459648222,0.0618504905856216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224596703710764,0.04930724642848347,0.0,0.1832720633202308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010895303252727,0.0,0.06646116303654144,0.0,0.0,0.0907756683228537,0.12216062255429586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591330961534839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413409921092006,0.0,0.049554074600815234 bpd,diamonddabrat,2020/01/23,"Urgent relationship help needed Hi all - first time posting and it’s on mobile so there might be some issues, sorry! That said, I could really use some advice. To preface: husband has anxiety and depression. I have BPD, depression, severe anxiety, and cptsd. We are the perfect match. He is the love of my life and I would do anything for him. I know he feels the same. We have been married 2 years, together for 4. He feels absolutely defeated. We are very poor because I can’t work. I’m getting worse because I haven’t been on my meds in a month (due to not having the money for them). He is discouraged that I’m getting worse, he’s getting worse, and our finances are low as ever. He is doing especially rough with his depression right now. Very, very sad and feels like he’s drowning. Doesn’t even know if he wants to stay together anymore, which is WAY out of character for him. I don’t know what to do or where to go from here. He’s very attached to our apartment so he doesn’t want to move closer to family/friends/support. Any ideas on what we should do!? He is my soulmate (and fp) and I couldn’t even imagine losing him.",2.206534090909092,4.445215741071428,3.605016233766236,87.35134740259741,79.08928571428572,6.751298701298702,24.913961038961038,7.84624498591911,1.4500339285714294,882,33,177,15,22,289,130,224,0.18899999999999997,0.727,0.084,-0.9744,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,6,0,1,5,9,11,0,0,5,0,29,2,0,1,3,41,47,13,1,8,3,1,4,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,6,14,0,1,8,0,3,2,7,8,0,1,3,5,22,3,22,38,4,22,0,8,0,1,28,10,0,5,8,109,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551769974695808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038981528387623,0.0,0.1808673163332008,0.0,0.11723687522073566,0.0,0.0,0.09728034181969268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412474741668502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888684209380126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438454344333083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054535527563481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561589334164571,0.10693165218448633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793181898101454,0.08445235898037941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055307014942567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18528636443457014,0.0,0.06718394231514506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792365904437346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344961792817545,0.0,0.12338507378263587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19490255414823987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349829509667818,0.0577535627165186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322516254158856,0.0,0.0,0.10669307097108673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130949911648565,0.0,0.0,0.12540674961520806,0.0,0.0,0.09435757049566383,0.12564315128947726,0.0,0.08765444649749399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321667482253588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573114299730682,0.0,0.0,0.12691797700512567,0.0,0.1009544134346984,0.11244892261701477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354857300572728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323312923026672,0.0,0.12600077373043986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414824938565864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893174117598913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209924746374804,0.0,0.3901568938190623,0.13945177905909326,0.09383305273817567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606145851702783,0.0,0.3614115818731792,0.08397608620365879,0.0,0.0,0.07612616894356641 bpd,smokestacklightnen,2020/01/23,"Killing my eating disorder despite week from hell I'm having a really tough week, but I've been on top of my eating disorder. I've been in DBT therapy for 2.5 years and I've been tracking my problem behaviours for this length of time. The behaviours had been pretty consistent over time but recently, I've come really far in kicking them to the curb. Tonight I felt compelled to act on my urge due to loads of fear, sadness and anger but, I didn't. I was really close but something stopped me. I realised I would just feel sad and sick, instead of just sad. It was a serious breakthrough moment. I still feel like crap but I feel a glimmer of hope in that I acted differently and in favour of myself. My goal has been to care for myself and treat myself with kindness. I don't see the eating disorder behaviours as kind and I've been starting to believe I deserve more than them. I hope this at least gives someone hope who is at the start of their journey. Good luck beautiful people ❤️",3.648673076923078,5.471844235897438,4.5333814102564105,84.26776442307694,73.30769230769229,7.951923076923077,28.59775641025641,8.660442795831766,2.2306987179487185,786,32,152,15,16,254,113,195,0.2,0.5660000000000001,0.23399999999999999,0.893,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,3,2,4,22,4,1,7,0,15,5,1,1,0,29,29,12,1,5,7,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,9,3,2,4,0,0,4,2,11,0,0,11,5,23,11,28,17,2,29,1,3,1,0,5,12,2,4,14,95,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394912502656691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623234550500168,0.0,0.0,0.1066511822934002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935489241382245,0.4256902813622079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38006501242609175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393204493898753,0.187805869180712,0.08844974790044584,0.11887682671394095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876964457330325,0.0,0.10384578852135896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689132107065902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697720291447074,0.2578577146225991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604872158019346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583412819404346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125959079934631,0.0,0.1184692604564289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379471901269433,0.0,0.1222472437968109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866038316897223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490364418396934,0.09531483504012636,0.0,0.0,0.17526643141753964,0.0,0.0988746684944013,0.10351053902565377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415872996999506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438898339764594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19862551152173216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795093167386096,0.0,0.0,0.07972945377700508 bpd,InTheCactus,2020/01/23,"Coping skills needed Hello! I am new to this subreddit and to BPD as well. I have just recently been diagnosed with BPD and I have found an amazing boyfriend. Only thing is that he seems so amazing to me that I do not understand how he can love me back. I just feel like he is so pretty and he is all that I'm not and I'm so freaking scared of losing him. I am very insecured about myself and about his exes and about everything that could possibly go wrong with this. He is exhausted when coming back from work and I'm always afraid that he is tired of me and not from work. Even when he sleeps if I touch him and he moves, then I think it's because unconsciously he must not love me. S e n d h e l p Any advice on how to stop this ? I don't want my insecurities to be the end of us! I have not started therapy yet, I am scheduled for february, so meanwhile, I turn to you guys. Thank you",1.0152380952380966,2.847482507936512,3.114523809523813,91.43464285714286,81.06349206349206,6.73968253968254,21.082010582010586,7.793537801064563,0.7307058201058196,690,20,159,12,18,234,110,189,0.107,0.741,0.152,0.8959999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,2,0,4,18,15,0,4,2,0,18,6,1,2,2,33,35,20,0,5,8,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,10,12,0,1,5,0,0,3,6,8,1,0,2,2,24,7,19,30,1,16,0,1,0,2,19,1,0,2,13,105,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201220817994875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209240002950342,0.0,0.0,0.09882758407282156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22349552910343207,0.0,0.08859020599810624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660694293774117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518664713729194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603206661667165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475042049924937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871690002486305,0.0,0.0,0.09598734657145316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061085483557192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348187668080858,0.10382189059408814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15934394233015745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825928842359873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389692859821987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099960429958217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258413560725282,0.0,0.0,0.2623272215304478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445997796347127,0.0,0.10775839140813646,0.0,0.14035806389425035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052800126796257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383475557585353,0.0,0.1478501649436509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349322945709994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549803371787995,0.0,0.0,0.132300564787855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454323074791103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286344901700016,0.0,0.0,0.12150017510680038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379790203533085,0.16619449447731602,0.0,0.09654903631449564,0.09311990025511142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670324146782799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807442913664466,0.0,0.1512909005525211,0.17481091293895934,0.0,0.0,0.11991028679856887,0.08571783857445475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066674418175786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116000888169004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889264751253096,0.0,0.0 bpd,xosvain_,2020/01/23,"I feel lost. I’ve been in this weird constant state of depression since I was 14, when I was 14 I was in an abusive relationship with a 21 year old. I started focusing less and less on school until I slowly just dropped out, we broke up a year into things but I just still didn’t care.. fast forward almost 4 years I’m almost 18. I spent a couple years of my life just in my bed, of course I did some things but not many. I started having the BPD symptoms at 15-16 after I went through some traumatic things and lost all my friends at the same time. I also had a neglectful and abusive mother who I lived with most of my life until I moved with my dad. I got diagnosed with BPD after I was mental health arrested during a fight with my bf at the time (another toxic abusive relationship) I just turned 17. since then it’s been so up and down but I’m just constantly having mood swings, dissociating, and my relationships with people around me just fail. I have a new partner now and they’re great, they have BPD too so they get it.. and we aren’t toxic for each other.. but I’m still so lonely. I have a therapist but I’m not medicated and all this treatment stuff is just taking too long. I’m almost 18 and I feel like I failure, I’m a dropout, I can’t hold a job because I’ll freak out and have panic attacks. I tried at Wendy’s. I really don’t know what to do. I lost all my friends again during a depressive episode & I have nobody but my gf. I want friends. I can’t even go out due to my agoraphobia. It’s just all so hard.",0.6751535380507327,2.8440162305295966,2.6909069870939035,92.10543925233644,84.51401869158879,5.7869514908767234,20.38638184245661,7.110495986334442,0.4280890253671559,1194,36,266,17,35,400,162,321,0.225,0.7070000000000001,0.068,-0.9948,2,2,0,0,1,0,36.0,2,0,2,5,22,21,2,1,14,0,22,6,0,0,4,57,45,25,0,1,16,2,3,1,6,0,6,0,1,1,12,24,0,2,3,0,1,4,7,14,0,0,15,3,43,6,34,30,11,47,0,9,0,0,17,17,0,6,27,176,55,4,0.0,0.316566084545916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675434217895777,0.0,0.0,0.07122158147869452,0.0,0.09649692214515546,0.0,0.0,0.09338761015944966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928265100938467,0.0,0.10131907892825873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05429040218728881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33650542391439703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080302837731773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19248533805083398,0.0,0.0,0.09854365493671062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341520940174616,0.09039444623856006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05882356397688325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006324330170619,0.0636247780744322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20642356647715865,0.0,0.046530390860590624,0.0,0.05061508608610515,0.0,0.07122974947905465,0.09818942164485664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978063834510751,0.0,0.0,0.0946670561996007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883787193668254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04894527480163017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581200949884308,0.043510420019173164,0.0,0.07864197786433946,0.07881566446354138,0.0,0.0,0.2916598897352378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902932819460061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971899820429212,0.08975195080939223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465712638320176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601510351167853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345392367925973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044932075410988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061743277818102765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05705438219489141,0.0,0.0,0.28685266645363033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013389441000624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734339077039366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607483986715176,0.0,0.14224752448633324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195286734223298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256787152270717,0.06696234816760037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340600582623254,0.17750334655801014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386368806170214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060466175518905325,0.09687215687858287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05253014008040265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255989670790333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229407948489227 bpd,oviposition,2020/01/23,"anyone else always concerned an ex-FP hates them i made a post a while ago talking about how i lost my FP about half a year ago and it’s been eating away at me ever since. basically what happened was i got too close to them without meaning to, even though part of me was saying to myself to stop. i complimented them a lot and seemed flirty and on top of that i made a lot of vague depressed posts on my twitter that understandably they didn’t want to see anymore (none of them were about my FP, they were all about my personal life, but this has at least taught me to keep the self deprecating posts off my public accounts) and it made them uncomfortable and their significant other who i never talked to even blocked me so i knew they were talking to each other about what a basement dwelling socially inept loser i am. i apologized up and down to them but i probably came off as insincere and they never responded to my apologies and they haven’t talked to me in 6 months. anyway for some reason last night i had a dream about them for the first time in a while; for months after the situation that happened i dreamed about apologizing to them nonstop but it settled down for a while. anyway in my dream i overheard them talking to their SO about how awful i was and them putting me on blast about what a creep i am. in the end of the dream i did apologize and i wrote about a 2 page apology; i don’t remember if i ever gave it to them in the dream ...... there’s a part of me that wants to apologize to them but i will never have the courage to do it, but if somehow they or their SO is reading this now (unlikely since i don’t think they use reddit or have any reason to be on the bpd sub) i just hope you guys know how truly sorry i am, and the reason i have never apologized for 6 months is because not only will it sound insincere but there are no words i can use to describe how badly i feel",5.991417497231453,5.323031183462536,6.446238464378003,81.66953488372094,66.62273901808787,9.541971207087485,30.57327427094869,8.841846274778883,2.1613475821336285,1496,47,316,21,21,487,180,387,0.11599999999999999,0.7879999999999999,0.096,-0.9198,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,22,4,30,11,1,1,22,1,28,2,0,12,7,66,54,33,0,5,13,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,3,18,14,1,3,11,6,1,2,12,8,0,2,20,4,64,3,60,31,10,47,0,3,1,0,45,19,0,10,23,253,82,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602058436822969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519073280578284,0.0,0.0,0.061451146585709826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961757629370957,0.06318515263506846,0.09258939207653956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490068190718432,0.0,0.07545081362399297,0.05508552886243221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381127230957427,0.0,0.0,0.10335323057134857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778310493656153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246572568809336,0.0754881751965142,0.0,0.08003637006503816,0.0,0.0,0.11937016491649415,0.16348022718641494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04569114602637783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686423250974757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227296654123802,0.0,0.0,0.08947533561082398,0.15981854639552034,0.0,0.0,0.08921650826292281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975261239165712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032036513577831,0.0,0.0,0.049662117780297804,0.0736593534643727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382731386462043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986438279249899,0.15364980257427774,0.0,0.2565160086310921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843373267095193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21638490680162573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787795450025574,0.0,0.0,0.08480122102658509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872648432585705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19571249337683014,0.0,0.0,0.07890303708381048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25963342952953844,0.0,0.09742851258043196,0.0,0.0,0.09084155904326607,0.0,0.0,0.09038923023518024,0.0,0.0,0.2787301206312607,0.0,0.0,0.10236567592339604,0.0,0.0,0.07186169704527184,0.0,0.0,0.07200902709894973,0.08226469842832577,0.09427016944724363,0.0,0.0,0.14950135342470325,0.1015737946332595,0.0,0.09211550947551056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115596873126086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554899920629253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36315892093769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05790209984701245,0.08878293385208708,0.0,0.05269242772179274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407291895435273,0.0,0.15609230597259108,0.0,0.0,0.10659897259792732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871084196240535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058191953175166525 bpd,lucycult,2020/01/23,"anyways.. questioning myself I wonder who I would be if I didn’t have bpd,, I don’t feel normal, I feel as if I live as different people in one body because of my emotions. I wish people didn’t remember the “bad” side of me, I wish I could get rid of it but I can’t, “it” will always be there. (no advice please, it’s just a vent.)",1.9933333333333323,2.3973438888888907,4.448222222222224,88.819,75.3888888888889,7.426666666666668,22.73333333333333,7.554174236665415,0.7401800000000005,248,6,59,3,5,88,49,72,0.055999999999999994,0.835,0.109,0.4939,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,10,1,1,0,0,14,16,5,0,7,4,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,2,13,0,6,9,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,4,0,43,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967772154763974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16755663732918147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681362069876615,0.12275377080749565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22367756333741334,0.2536194736604749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077819834945922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21038962672482475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265150465702621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036382542958181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520793188416368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778141059501582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19730062922608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645406580145394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27921031596120555,0.0,0.0,0.2210446682144485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225581382210126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281138618499253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4631329647889894,0.0,0.21837804302355487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430480389235506,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,targareyin,2020/01/23,"help with emotional dependency so i've made a lot of friends in college on the past 3 months after i decided not to isolate myself anymore, it was perfect and all, but these two, benicio and his girlfriend foucault, live like really close to my house so i used to crash there sometimes last month, and my relationship with them was based on me giving my soul, everything i had emotionally and what i could give physically like food, download songs, movies, give my netflix password etc and till a week ago i'do anything for them, like really take a bullet for them and i couldn't find a single flaw in them they were like gods to me i was in a state of adoration. so january 11 happened. they were in a tatoo festival and called me to go so i did, when i got there benicio was mad at something so i searched for foucault and while i was waiting for her to finish her tatoo, benicio told me on whatsapp that he was gonna break up with her and kill himself that night. usually when people say that i don't take it too seriously because sometimes it's a mean to get attention (i know because i was like this and most of my old friends too) but this time i knew he would do it, he's the most determined person i've met and he only told me because i was there so he could say goodbye. he told his gf, then we talked later and he gave me the Goodbye i was shaking and already freaking out so i asked him if he didn't love his new born son or any of his friends, he kinda ignored it and went home to kill himself. foucault went back to finish her tatoo crying but controlling herself, i couldn't, i lost it in the bathroom floor, took 4mg of clonazepam to calm down, which made me dizzy as fuck. me and her still stayed there for some time, so on the bus home he messaged me saying to get to his place to talk. we got there and first he talked with f. and i waited. when he came to talk to me, he pushed me to the wall, holding my shirt with his hands, saying i was a motherfucker because i made him feel sorry about his son, and that i should never use his son against him again, and that's why he didn't kill himself that day, and that he wanted to rub my face on the floor and kick me out of there but he didn't do it because im his friend, and he would still treat me as a friend. so i told him that i would do anything to stop him from doing it and that i loved them and he could always count on me for anything. a week went by and he didn't talk to me once, till yday when he asked for me to download some movies so i went to his house and he was distant even tho i questioned him about everything and he acted like nothing was off... so, since 1/11 occurred i feel completely broken and so so sad and empty and guilty and you know that borderline shit of intensity. it's not the first time i get dependent on people and i knew it would happen again and i don't know what to do to get them off my head, to see them as normal human beings... also i don't think they value me as much as i value them and that hurts a lot. now i feel weird thinking of them, but still afraid of them leaving me. today i felt catatonic all day and i need help to get my confidence to my normal state so i can breathe again",4.045644087979824,4.447711079819278,4.738048472961616,88.59675259176241,70.73192771084337,7.682768282432054,27.188848416923513,7.485028197883463,1.2257947324180438,2503,78,555,25,43,805,266,664,0.136,0.7490000000000001,0.115,-0.9663,0,0,1,0,0,0,54.0,2,1,13,5,40,33,6,2,19,0,40,10,6,8,4,109,96,71,3,15,9,3,6,6,7,6,0,5,2,2,27,46,1,6,16,2,0,10,12,15,0,3,41,12,108,18,79,43,11,80,1,3,1,3,103,24,2,12,48,371,135,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054189386280140674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746013037331088,0.0488868384581924,0.05086630513652928,0.0,0.0,0.0415715162836916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06062602146898392,0.0,0.0,0.15091804725858954,0.0,0.11429940069508193,0.0,0.0,0.04700635007231101,0.0,0.18632597496829206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06242209640428844,0.06991815037456263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409521466719235,0.0,0.0685641753590919,0.1464255852869288,0.0,0.06715008222820483,0.07884952042533132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752941883432554,0.0,0.0,0.06817778187441954,0.04037677920046304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988210082365192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272976957753644,0.0,0.0586958266926442,0.0,0.055873083503093265,0.10399684532999404,0.07392045244622071,0.0,0.2361502262567133,0.05651508668365296,0.15969342818361273,0.1759287154677393,0.03474244022198704,0.0,0.09778489002639558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108116767107846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273855543098387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195031169717314,0.0,0.12263975770162855,0.0,0.0,0.1410750866392228,0.06544253509425299,0.0,0.06603251021049737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20289884207099373,0.0,0.10078882100792357,0.04983033160690364,0.0,0.06472943180079098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17919457815143205,0.0,0.05398023447480985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673225361466248,0.1039436304218278,0.11034713095356996,0.17353231017360427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659012480568764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758916013175166,0.0,0.0449386863753885,0.04532823265037912,0.0471483814320276,0.0590411836277186,0.0,0.0573677715820425,0.11979178109341496,0.05865732296894718,0.0,0.0641472258174848,0.0651030523762066,0.0,0.046493260435560985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05835693391671596,0.08476176984291843,0.05337766784200452,0.06386940631615091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848127059316393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783248085140597,0.0,0.0,0.06563235316725524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19445688973269287,0.0,0.0,0.048713890772428776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275060625954536,0.05056860850969257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04706201530947442,0.12092123324295115,0.06843170933253358,0.0,0.06515804518763853,0.14645908458354145,0.05110867128151103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919265601713712,0.24567592037151345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834119362745197,0.0,0.0,0.10693880775724082,0.0,0.0579455140746787,0.23365507190472865,0.06791934581180477,0.0,0.0,0.059716592738787835,0.0,0.0,0.1055959766421596,0.06732771064901376,0.0,0.0360569425584164,0.0,0.09807200379828254,0.0,0.0,0.2266780517751738,0.05516167034710374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370425458640318,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,happiness101094,2020/01/23,"Verge of meltdown 2020 has been horrible. I just started my job in November and my hours got cut this month... I’m not making ends meet, I’m depressed, constantly stressed out and feel hopeless. My boyfriend constantly criticize me for not doing anything when I’m home. All I want to do is sleep and never wake up. I don’t want to feel another meltdown, I don’t want to feel misunderstood.",3.3323428571428586,5.662702653333334,4.164571428571431,84.28800000000003,75.8,8.019047619047619,30.714285714285715,8.841846274778883,2.744028571428572,309,15,59,7,7,99,51,75,0.244,0.7070000000000001,0.049,-0.9468,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,7,2,2,1,2,16,19,4,0,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,3,8,0,8,17,1,12,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,8,33,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261507555092103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747956868120038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4661293350404586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857578615277259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19102125782581816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32715052588102395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249249265417668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163364656722306,0.0,0.2123933434994604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140210475631452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396264478546505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17214722522681694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16633943824296427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21582762090917865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265365629325947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470513929846292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816265620001721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Squishy-Cthulhu,2020/01/23,"DAE feel like liars are evil Fuck you you lied to me that's it you're just plain evil. You aren't trustworthy. You are not on my side. Fuck you're bullshit you lied you are a bad person and can never be trusted ever again. It's like I can't gage what a lie truly is though and all lies are equally bad. People say there are different types of lie but they're all the same to me.",-1.611858864027539,0.2485192168674715,0.2281669535283992,103.98617469879518,103.81927710843374,3.3352839931153184,11.952667814113598,5.288315135182226,-1.512176592082616,297,5,73,2,14,95,55,83,0.311,0.629,0.06,-0.9571,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,6,0,0,5,10,5,0,3,0,10,2,0,0,4,11,13,4,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,0,2,10,3,4,12,4,5,0,0,0,2,8,2,2,0,5,45,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.458355977285137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867714952532172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24828141573213405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878451990303392,0.19608741491613307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5075016928265398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681925514457197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116946535420122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902887538819669,0.23966394089231435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21827623054338954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26967362217466195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,killmesir,2020/01/23,"My girlfriend is invading all my safe spaces and I need help breaking up with her Hello darlings sorry if this is poorly written I'm on mobile. I've been trying to break up with my girlfriend for a week now, and she is not allowing it to happen. I am being manipulated into staying, made to feel guilty for telling her stuff that was true, I did have a bit of a crisis and went full BPD on her. But let's have this clear , I DO NOT LOVE HER , I don't want to be with her anymore , I would rather kiss a wall than kiss her again , I am done. I tried telling her why I wasn't goods for her and honestly tried to break it off, but I was out of meds and a lot of things that could have been said more tactfully came pouring out as I was having a bit of a crisis. I believe she heard that i loved her and that I was afraid to hurt her and that's why I was leaving, but I'm starting to believe she's just hearing what she wanted to hear. She told me that what I did sent her in a downward spiral that she missed classes and how glad she was that i did this to her when she was in a good mental state cause God forbid what she would have done or what would have happened if she wasn't. She told her friends how I caused her to get depressed and sad and miss classes because of me and my actions , it truly made me feel like I was a fucking monster. Anyway today we met up to finally talk in person after all this debacle, may i add this is a lesbian relationship (I'm Bi) I wanted to tell her this was over but I was guilted into staying and not saying the truth because of how hard she had it going for her after what I had done. So I told her that I had ran out of medication last week and was running on fumes essentially and she took it as a way to excuse my actions. I know I'm not painting her in the most favorable of lights and honestly I believe I'm omitting a bunch of things and just being fatal about all of this. But in my town the walls have eyes and even though I'm out of the closet I'm not safe and I rather not have a scandal with my family (old money and shit) people saw us talking but before in the escalator she kissed me in front of a bunch of ladies I didn't respond to the kiss (I didn't see if I knew the ladies) and I felt very violated she knows I don't feel safe with PDA but she then excused herself because she wanted to see the funny reaction they would make to seeing us kiss and later she said she kissed me out of the blue and then just saw the group of women's reaction, she put me at risk I didn't get to get as clear view of the women and I feel like they will run and tell my mum , hell my mum already knows they saw us together at a coffee shop talking so God knows if she already knows about the kiss or far worse. I've also found out because my future ex gf mentioned it casually how she is now in my BPD support Facebook groups, I feel like nothing is sacred with her, I get very deep and personal there , and now I have nowhere else to turn other than Reddit cause she doesn't stalk me here. I had a therapy appointment today and my therapist and I agree (paraphrasing) that this is fucked up. I want out but Everytime I try to get out I get guilted back in, and I am terrified of being alone and being seen as a monster but honestly I rather be alone and be a monster than continue to be with her.",3.984980657640232,4.078871936170216,5.136877820760798,86.77193181818184,70.77304964539006,7.9977433913604115,27.228401031592522,7.686295010490155,1.3310354609929085,2605,79,581,28,44,865,269,705,0.111,0.742,0.147,0.9793,0,2,0,0,0,0,40.0,4,0,3,0,26,44,6,4,31,0,67,16,2,12,7,128,136,61,1,18,27,3,7,3,4,6,1,6,1,4,33,51,0,4,13,2,3,12,14,17,0,0,50,24,115,27,89,70,11,78,1,5,10,13,91,38,4,9,24,422,148,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260783484851627,0.14129213777729624,0.05119561640859263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348920563066343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04922631822730957,0.0,0.1561004710843218,0.0,0.05447507629072723,0.21638097138383933,0.0,0.0,0.13978336581456516,0.0,0.16125826137204255,0.0,0.0,0.07322017376181042,0.0,0.19729407637864144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051113608032859296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05513908880361802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965396298372828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05347928917456612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04228365271624437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060350997450364666,0.0,0.16184852824305795,0.13720460841022752,0.06146785357600223,0.07012919931303588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019304273517067,0.04946057785504045,0.11836824758586115,0.20068232064349373,0.0,0.036383220899514776,0.10739145550504192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322279596632133,0.0,0.05734805199138419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430713153661553,0.0,0.04291028888891056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853318866910252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759146217854627,0.052183667893387735,0.0,0.06778640765762423,0.0,0.06546331128943646,0.0,0.0938286988366592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054426287309858254,0.11555849317028201,0.12115181190321615,0.042732883496533314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111018418880087,0.0644919604601055,0.06451564750685937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0474689483803052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614275314375522,0.0,0.06717670584150821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04438240630658199,0.11179706824205936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435633120679253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873197127725078,0.0,0.0,0.12179261444040068,0.05091012555085077,0.0,0.0,0.1530435027755868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571412815368835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166353259208566,0.04531266370815043,0.13647052632429235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328593075078628,0.0,0.07264749912690617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436707191761825,0.2238201600362363,0.0,0.0732107984941482,0.07433047818810568,0.08506216845094725,0.0,0.06289790660433649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136421191167555,0.18351742223093206,0.07112697168742782,0.17385758997707962,0.06963380595125535,0.0,0.0,0.23101932278807924,0.0,0.0,0.10564402715980173,0.1887990160854839,0.05081495023669175,0.1027036487780388,0.0,0.0,0.0593458431396281,0.11553357936871506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524037821048766,0.1819077826837001,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mellow_Bee13,2020/01/23,"DAE feel like time with their FP is never enough? I have two FPs, my partner and my best friend, and I've been going through hell. It seems like no matter how many hours I spend with either of them, it is never enough and I feel this crushing loneliness. I want it to be enough, I don't want to be that clingy and desperate but I have this urge to be. How do I deal with this? Does anyone else feel this way? I wish I had a friend with BPD so they'd understand how I feel. I feel so lonely lately.",0.8882075471698129,2.653065179245285,2.1251320754717007,98.70618867924532,81.16981132075472,5.372075471698114,16.260377358490565,6.2581,-0.6898498113207543,383,6,93,3,10,122,63,106,0.129,0.69,0.18100000000000002,0.5705,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,3,1,5,7,1,0,1,0,12,0,0,3,2,26,23,10,0,3,2,0,5,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,8,8,0,0,7,0,1,1,4,2,0,1,2,5,16,5,9,17,5,7,1,1,0,0,7,0,1,1,7,64,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111780282850476,0.16379905727291116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677668904199992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013424939212062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648122587059569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989763446004866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354544894538098,0.0,0.0,0.4955452185535462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40415896880782937,0.11420652312529975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24702030175414855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085411650189702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743335480061005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033300187444468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620247144274382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207650705770704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465931875902249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553373499051608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321769797468613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616341969993794,0.16642355127351918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18858327964144428,0.12689221280307436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18383514641421145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,flowrpot,2020/01/23,"Ever have a full on mental breakdown and then absolutely hate yourself afterwards? You cry because you need to, and then it turns into full on sobs and screams, then after 1 hour, you can’t even see anything, you forgot why you were upset in the first place, and all you’re left with is that horrible feeling that you’re a terrible person.",6.332076923076925,6.892896015384617,6.359807692307693,78.40894230769231,65.76923076923077,8.961538461538463,31.634615384615394,8.841846274778883,2.563076923076923,271,10,49,4,4,86,49,65,0.295,0.685,0.02,-0.9661,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,5,0,1,2,5,1,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,2,11,10,7,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,2,3,5,0,7,8,3,16,0,1,1,0,6,8,1,0,8,35,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22260593675386525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489983386145313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971415393129765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17866870636662366,0.24469096384638175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677752658970166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23009489846959855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670717281664918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663969691909164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939089237940851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726095438776338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20057906672842585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361981081960323,0.2826244299045051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155607262080736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942362172962321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440923837190596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Aggressive-Adeptness,2020/01/23,"So this is weird. Did anyone else forget about being diagnosed? So I forgot twice. I think maybe I need some backstory.... I've struggled w depression and anxiety since I was 12. I began drinking at 13, heavily around 15. Then began smoking weed heavily as well. Then had 3 friends die when we were 15, 16, and 17. I continued to be an alcoholic until recently. Due to all of these things, giant chunks of my memory from 13 onwards are missing or extremely fuzzy and feel like a weird dream to try to remember. In 2017 I started trying to get sober and mental help after it got really bad and I went full suicidal off the rails. Upon getting sober, I started to look into wtf was wrong w my brain. And came across borderline. And then, as if remembering a dream, it suddenly came to me. I remember seeing a chart from one of my psychologists... Can't remember his name or anything other than this... And the chart said borderline. So I look more into it bc I have no idea if this is an accurate memory or I am crazy. And come across the dialectical therapy book and BAM... Another strange dream memory of being suicidal sitting in my closet w that workbook trying to make sense of my brain. The workbook had been given to me by my male psychologist whose name I dont remember, the one who I remember diagnosing me. So I still dont know if I'm crazy or not. But I relapse hard and totally forget all of this shit once again. Fast forward to now, I'm getting sober again. And I'm journaling about my most recent breakup from yet another codependent relationship. And all the memories just hit me again. So yeah. I may just be crazy. Or maybe I just forgot my diagnosis. My parents aren't very educated and were not very involved in my mental health growing up bc of this and I think they honestly just didn't know how to handle my crazy ass. So it is possible this was just apart of my diagnosis they never understood or looked up and that's why no one ever brought it up as I hopped from unstable relationship to relationship and destroyed myself with alcohol and drugs and tried to harm myself multiple times. At least it feels like it all makes sense. Or I am crazy and imagining it all. Which is how i feel most of the time. So anyway. If you're still reading thanks for coming to my TED talk on how I probably didn't understand what borderline meant when I was diagnosed as a teen so forgot and then I doped up my brain enough to forget a life changing diagnosis twice.",3.207169292085787,5.442679991649275,4.791381191877019,80.10058099259822,75.80584551148226,8.947447333459861,26.75275194534068,9.516144504307137,2.6989995824634647,1952,76,370,55,44,655,238,479,0.157,0.7829999999999999,0.061,-0.9932,1,0,4,0,1,0,54.0,1,0,2,0,31,16,2,1,14,1,29,14,5,5,8,93,71,55,3,5,19,1,4,2,1,1,8,1,1,1,23,30,3,3,18,6,0,8,11,10,1,5,26,9,50,6,57,39,13,58,0,2,4,1,18,21,2,15,32,261,73,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400318175074196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511054424227243,0.055119522146047116,0.0,0.0,0.05038037826718977,0.07382570749312795,0.05929259154182854,0.06414148534674377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06016034420140452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413013176170363,0.0,0.1648164049359499,0.0,0.0,0.07622137839187906,0.12413269959700385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062058213748711163,0.21939354858926102,0.07477851818973309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888862896899273,0.07058345186573592,0.0835573530795278,0.0,0.0601901342719793,0.0,0.0,0.0744488948097718,0.0,0.0,0.06517508735340559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929484812193294,0.10294781313677194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055667135225881084,0.0,0.1129324642490659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05762650307848824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454436853733424,0.0,0.0,0.07658782243958147,0.0,0.0,0.04829488367809635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133784831774332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919570262880075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050892402442239325,0.07040185797420202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18151640002760605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619043316336508,0.0,0.14477167762556148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452227786127098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053425586257026085,0.05557088312938866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673294406045239,0.1464727386213546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000513120417671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122771462655337,0.0,0.0,0.07768415700696678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207141900613298,0.0,0.04615830541650237,0.0,0.1422851586309163,0.23207039456629686,0.4897246830485557,0.0,0.06853787634101062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05741605223066144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396026121861121,0.05960209339443035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019974406881875,0.0,0.1150815139414387,0.0,0.0,0.07532431169945014,0.0,0.15762621356413234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057912604607022036,0.0,0.06633572813019882,0.08239765074546451,0.0,0.04786809454231844,0.09233592295345784,0.0,0.0,0.08402810881134459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956740982619473,0.0,0.0,0.07500859053062635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189007609847814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478332982687934,0.06679285237689431,0.06501565150226919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877746442164313,0.0,0.0 bpd,odd_scratches,2020/01/23,"I probably won’t make it past 30 So tonite, I came to the conclusion that I don’t love or care about any part of myself. I honestly wish I was never born or even aborted. Overtime I have had suicidal thoughts and they are extremes and the urge is strong but I have been able to fight it. Now though I think I reached the limit on how much I can hold in all these thoughts and emotions. I honestly do not care about myself at all. Now I only see suicide as a tool. Mainly against the person who’s really the main catalyst for this. I do care for them but they won’t change and they need help. So in my head I’m thinking if I kill myself not only will it hurt them and regret every decision they made and rethink their life but also possibly save someone from the problems I had by changing the catalysts ways. Now I don’t plan on doing it, but I can’t see myself going anywhere. It’s like when I look to try and imagine my future all I get is a black screen. TL;DR Decided I don’t love or care about myself at all Want to kill myself to make someone else suffer and learn Has 0% hope for myself at all",3.4916739130434777,4.279867678260871,4.689293478260872,87.0461141304348,72.21739130434783,7.663043478260869,26.11413043478261,7.865858978985527,1.3462826086956516,866,27,185,11,16,286,131,230,0.157,0.65,0.192,0.5106,0,0,0,0,1,3,15.0,0,0,7,4,13,19,3,0,9,0,21,4,1,4,6,48,45,23,4,7,10,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,9,9,0,2,10,0,0,2,9,7,0,0,8,5,36,12,23,34,9,18,0,3,5,2,13,7,0,5,9,136,45,1,0.11718113471298645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370971109359738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796871899171604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402400070117404,0.4778959062125075,0.0,0.2479242057247285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788980169791277,0.13181300440257113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739703431632518,0.0,0.09873015997658943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061222306414558926,0.0,0.06659673929769938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026165097370728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854404452580653,0.0,0.0,0.11638730709832612,0.0,0.0,0.1254448283081264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25928712746081306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276850090564443,0.05724878337302161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840264033598882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21152109827084825,0.11087962298673236,0.1564386346946838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614161704821251,0.0868883265929129,0.09037731507846423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782430666667782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689574967594813,0.11186265240531593,0.0,0.10231804694431036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210412259986612,0.0,0.0,0.12634108257873855,0.11212652026240648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506923549158122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18675638574718956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985743903503166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563542842164582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016987911448476,0.11512986989439145,0.1860574634046932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955829849841782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911646931223074,0.09301293040231244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347525218545932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cheymoisture,2020/01/23,"intimacy issues with mother i've been posting a lot today and i'm sorry, i just have a lot to ask because i haven't interacted properly with other people with BPD. as per my previous post, i don't have a good relationship with my mother. she has an enormous victim complex -- she's been babied so she expects to keep being babied. she's almost 50 years old. she's depressed so if i don't try to clean up our house it becomes a mess. like, papers scattered, dishes with food still sticking, dirty laundry in unconventional places, etc. she expects me to wait on her hand and foot. when i was growing up she joked constantly that as her child i was her ""slave."" she never finished college so she's currently getting her associate's -- she's not the most articulate so she had me write a lot of her essays while i was still in high school tackling college things (which i did myself - FAFSA, applications, research, etc.). she still asks for my help excessively to the point hwere she's asking me to do the most basic things in microsoft word (formatting things that can be solved by simply watching youtube videos). she complains that i'm cold towards her, that she's the last one to know things about me, that she doesn't know me. but i don't trust her. whenever i've confided in her she's told other people. she annoys me. i don't like her as a person. whenever she touches me i'm repulsed. she forces me to kiss her and i'm uncomfortable. i don't like to be around her most of the time. and i feel bad, because she's my mother. does anyone else experience this with their parents? not so much the bits of abuse but moreso having parental intimacy issues.",2.748423913043478,5.161717736024843,4.018847049689445,84.17187305900623,78.16149068322981,6.509472049689442,24.658773291925463,7.645422480735847,1.3940959627329192,1309,47,247,20,32,428,166,322,0.12300000000000001,0.813,0.064,-0.9625,3,0,0,0,1,0,45.0,1,0,1,0,12,13,2,0,13,0,23,5,2,0,1,35,37,17,0,3,6,5,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,14,11,2,2,4,2,0,1,10,6,0,1,8,5,59,7,33,26,10,30,0,1,1,1,50,13,0,8,17,173,73,5,0.0,0.128831943792631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888133871802566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602930210564267,0.11141077560771803,0.0,0.09679626343949356,0.30495467999535764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078830174339557,0.1325664065328698,0.12008809878348307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870930542609777,0.0,0.1369465965434684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750276544109915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365238697125992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515380747833306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090833258100481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425341810236515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636266201875004,0.0,0.0,0.054979149371627546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314815171602747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05680899811424318,0.0,0.0,0.0912008737049087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288207090954173,0.1148833821528497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254643729239684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22697997594913336,0.0,0.09664772579427673,0.0,0.0,0.11951466439375735,0.08863267720177824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936573859167627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773251334659721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993196021256133,0.0,0.08386232114642925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140979836161278,0.0,0.07368093477334522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414723548943781,0.0,0.0,0.15076485231533124,0.09494228617512708,0.11360382904424303,0.0,0.10278872336266526,0.0,0.20827412376906607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673956372910255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004455674805484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171874856229258,0.0,0.0,0.2605052053348674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889520044393585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340363738737657,0.0,0.10306706535263267,0.10389994355275847,0.0,0.07382321075532411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002109520293562 bpd,Lizshowbizz,2020/01/23,"Something has changed in my relationship and I think it could be over? Please help me. So I want to say I am scared to talk about this here online because I fear the worse answer on this. So I’ve been with my partner over two years at this point and it’s been pretty good. I’ve had my doubts and struggles but it’s been good...till a pretty bad argument happened which lead to a break up but we got back together. We haven’t done this before so it was rough. My partner is a messy and lazy person. He’s not clean at all. It’s been a battle since we’ve been together but it hit a boiling point when my mom got mad about him not picking up after himself. I just got so mad and wanted to break up because I didn’t think it was gonna get better after begging and begging him to be better about it. After since then I haven’t felt the same about him. It’s hard for me to find him attractive and want sex. I’ve struggled with the sex aspect since we’ve been together because of sexual trauma but it’s different now. I still cuddle on him and give him kisses because I still enjoy that with him a lot. It’s hard for me to see a future with him. It’s always been hard-ish to see something but now I don’t see it but every now and then. My depression has been hitting hard the last few months but since this argument spieling situation has happened it’s just been worse. I feel so empty. I notice bad physical things now. His double chin and man boobs. I feel bad about saying this. I do. I hate it. I want to mention I have bad paranoia and anxiety. I overthink things from hell and back. It’s awful and mentally draining. I want to fix what me and him had. So badly. He’s my best friend and we have through a lot together and grown so much. Idk if we can still grow much more. I don’t want the answer to be I’m not in love. I don’t. I don’t want him out of my life. I feel like I will regret leaving him and will question it everyday for the rest of my life. He means so much to me. I’m dying mentally over this. I haven’t been with anybody this long. I don’t know if this is one of those “lows” in a relationship or this is actually over. Tell me what you think. Thank you for reading this. I’m sorry it’s long but I feel context is needed for this. I don’t go to therapy because it’s expensive but I do take meds for my BPD.",0.26679252199413384,2.375062754032257,2.272655425219945,94.83114222873905,85.7741935483871,5.3008211143695005,19.30043988269795,6.6590880762095805,0.05630774193548405,1810,51,414,21,55,603,197,496,0.217,0.674,0.109,-0.9959,1,0,2,0,0,0,46.0,4,2,0,4,26,30,5,5,15,1,44,9,1,2,1,75,83,40,1,12,17,1,9,1,3,3,2,2,1,4,38,27,1,0,14,1,1,4,13,19,0,2,20,14,64,11,53,54,12,46,1,3,3,6,39,18,2,7,23,283,102,2,0.0,0.0,0.0706654956490871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602541445078979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05539641575883935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136359924093832,0.3023128022359757,0.22071412875734733,0.0,0.06161887363429223,0.0,0.07599389366807995,0.12808837462317954,0.0,0.0,0.09120273991852088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766042774449407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05781658638825295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236996396604402,0.0,0.075154169016421,0.07565708630649694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410453513604079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06101181242002199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148574102654815,0.1464585228882407,0.05173248638546939,0.06952867549660655,0.0,0.06618496937139512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055946779779867714,0.0,0.037833260634560655,0.06946598680881574,0.04115447363581493,0.12147464449341762,0.17374797162458194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280707000745876,0.0,0.25947443193807396,0.07149370914165078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04853749363370475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039796771618538763,0.059026972638565635,0.0,0.07667583731844656,0.0,0.0,0.1022961221320618,0.035377761296623865,0.0,0.0,0.12816800033634582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312737304787233,0.06535634892943598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788799381451324,0.08043548998914987,0.0,0.14595230706767814,0.0,0.0,0.08481025457429149,0.057800063727846476,0.0,0.15969758933285774,0.05369397036157356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824436760322545,0.0,0.0,0.04906951542204945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322900204789997,0.0,0.07948868868218882,0.13690903520083236,0.0,0.0,0.14734188717369315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112011209246844,0.0,0.07243347068602228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15549080207491636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151728389064344,0.07249892104017795,0.0,0.17311344747365826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396060210410819,0.0813962289190146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111495476767136,0.0,0.08106140385030304,0.0,0.0,0.1734894410613226,0.0,0.0,0.15140540865339816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054446221578437495,0.058203529304688285,0.06329291805153245,0.06666896649482952,0.08281157638037934,0.0,0.09621712103467024,0.13919966043571916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073783320302947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989810553602213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475918491366946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046632160972151684 bpd,terrancelovesme,2020/01/23,do y’all get ghosted all the time? or should I just off myself?,-1.4450000000000005,0.5519202142857154,0.6257142857142846,103.04428571428572,96.85714285714286,2.8000000000000003,14.142857142857142,3.1291,-1.581028571428571,49,1,12,0,2,16,13,14,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6673128761578053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7447775005422745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,callmeababygirl,2020/01/23,"Everything is going downhill For 3 months I was absent from classes, because I was on rehab... Came back just to fail most of my classes, impulsively get a fReE tattoo, end up alone, hook up with a f*ing professor and split miserably on same f*ing professor, now I can't function without him, and I don't have ba*ls to talk to him about it or anything ... I feel so distant and tired.. My psychiatrist/therapist is on mf vacation and I feel like I'm drowning in my own obsessions...",7.019565217391302,6.621887043478264,7.618608695652174,73.21334782608697,64.43478260869566,11.273043478260867,37.96521739130435,10.793553405168565,4.14398,376,18,70,9,5,125,67,92,0.096,0.8390000000000001,0.065,-0.4215,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,2,2,0,7,2,0,0,0,13,13,6,1,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,0,1,2,3,3,0,0,3,2,11,3,15,10,3,12,0,2,0,0,3,6,0,2,5,48,12,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887859312298633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294550340383587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144046491148973,0.0,0.1699734407058325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189096042292168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469624506199062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505962836389245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28197174322465635,0.1991976851847359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567824722826525,0.0,0.15846669000531927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136223264136112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22256109656757547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22411465439117909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237455220776997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204764444602097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26878416353093165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,markipliersdick,2020/01/24,"16F with BPD, help right now I'm just trippin lol my FP is ignoring me (well, he might not be ignoring me) but idk what to do to vent and get my negative energy out and I feel angry and abandoned to the point where I feel like I want to yell at him but I know that's not a good idea. tl;dr: immediate coping skills",0.2584663865546233,2.1652670735294137,2.775042016806726,92.46911764705885,84.14705882352942,6.8268907563025225,18.537815126050425,7.957251820313856,0.5273168067226894,243,6,58,5,7,84,53,68,0.267,0.597,0.135,-0.9154,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,19,10,5,0,1,5,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,3,4,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,3,9,3,7,8,0,6,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,2,36,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3931084567279523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156379071434016,0.22298099710447264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630715778311645,0.0,0.0,0.261794273236997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20920971489271825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523492916965028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17153484081393885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524877120822275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311135699516301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950574707952533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665516516240372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840984498124764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28063639314715483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,skyekitty,2020/01/24,"DAE subconsciously trigger themselves and not realize it? The context here is I normally listen to music while doing other things, sometimes mindlessly (this situation was shiny hunting in pokemon). I had a song going that brought up some thoughts that made me extremely negative, and I was wondering why I was feeling so shitty (even though it's kind of obvious now). I didn't even realize it was /something/ triggering me vs intrusive thoughts Just wondering if anyone else ever does this: essentially triggering themselves without realizing it, as well as how to avoid doing it, and just in general how to differentiate between normal discomfort and being around triggers. I'm not entirely sure this even makes sense",13.597190082644632,11.598335165289265,12.376925619834713,49.429024793388464,52.71900826446282,16.291570247933887,53.12561983471075,14.554592549557764,8.013306115702477,589,35,78,20,5,190,87,121,0.127,0.8440000000000001,0.028999999999999998,-0.9215,1,1,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,14,5,0,2,2,0,10,0,0,8,3,36,21,12,0,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,12,5,0,1,8,1,0,2,5,2,1,0,10,4,7,3,12,10,1,9,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,4,3,66,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704838060750653,0.1861724128878509,0.0,0.16175090627239286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590062885486284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178645637092206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36003203710885057,0.16435742622431965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187262938620452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326390378285397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18921186824385536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719282781758745,0.1212856987548558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.356053486104253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20423763466787534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988100403117906,0.17970526127582967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171249447109237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071294626085012,0.0,0.1785186471992577,0.2884979084819523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336949876033754,0.0,0.16395536360799248,0.0,0.0,0.17515164859114132,0.3940902966815444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Happyhappyme1988,2020/01/24,"Anyone else have meltdowns before work? I'm usually fine on my days off, when I'm having one of my flip out episodes it all falls just before I have to go to work. Work has always triggered a lot of social and general anxiety. I thought I would have grown out of it by now but it seems to be getting worse the older I get. Anyone else know what I'm talking about?",1.6610714285714252,3.523493039473685,3.239022556390978,91.17815789473684,79.13157894736842,5.9218045112781965,22.69924812030075,6.868970318607317,0.6154458646616545,285,9,61,3,7,94,53,76,0.081,0.9,0.019,-0.6662,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,1,13,16,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,6,1,12,13,2,12,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,5,39,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982231460800922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693733451654611,0.0,0.0,0.2686074989874374,0.393608371607277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268844355255983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387289411215735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209090917255677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007031825998624,0.0,0.10916100936572244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055597454075129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329583560459793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015542076806672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17485844362370287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19579692052874687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438311916636827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248659858924882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115441749563236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4195000481723989,0.0,0.19574148084710372,0.13644501969792627,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fladermaus210,2020/01/24,"Higher Power? Oh, please. I'm going through my DBT workbook and just like I got really irritated this past summer in DBT group when going over higher power, I also got really pissy doing the workbook's higher power exercise. I do not want to trample on anyone's beliefs, but I just cannot even fathom believing in a higher power. God? Not anymore. Nature? Nature is terrible. Nature is self-preserving and will do anything to get ahead. Lions will take down the giraffe baby and beautiful flowers will choke out lesser plants in order to survive. Humanity or 'goodness' of people? We're terrible to each other and our planet. The only reasons that we are less terrible to each other is because as we evolved we learned that altruism could also help oneself survive. The infinite cosmos? Sure, I love my higher power being something undefinable and so large in contrast that I am essentially nothing, SUPER UPLIFTING, right? The way I see things is that I'm not sure what is out there, but I think there is something out there, in some type of capacity. Some sort of energy, pushing things along. But the thing about this energy, this natural thing, is that it is despairingly indifferent and cold. It doesn't uphold any type of justice, but rather the path of evolutionary least resistance and random chance. Any thoughts from anyone? I had extremely traumatic experiences with Chr\*stianity, so I honestly cannot get into spirituality. Like, can my higher power be weed?",5.814117032392893,8.311011597701153,6.849845001741557,67.08306426332292,69.03831417624521,9.343155694879833,31.020724486241733,9.800150414767053,3.6749984674329497,1181,50,171,30,22,394,153,261,0.131,0.7090000000000001,0.159,0.8234,8,0,2,0,0,0,39.0,4,0,0,10,14,12,0,0,8,0,24,2,0,1,2,42,38,18,0,3,11,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,17,18,0,0,5,1,0,3,6,4,0,1,4,2,18,8,29,28,6,23,1,1,1,1,8,13,0,5,7,130,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400909256945659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20416423196631653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887194667042064,0.2099252638259658,0.0,0.12353036390806245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150760659095783,0.0,0.0,0.16912615886098906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985316643378358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991483454498144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683950310692773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685589090704286,0.0,0.17062556910728507,0.12590782069167927,0.24011846036491186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061770620102001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466754430732157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548301370029778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403765322667972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416784444016095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330002436896186,0.10406958409930528,0.0,0.0,0.16477920315553696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19233270522363752,0.15434135940053526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281958430288817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196207762518588,0.0,0.1566007943862085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311289332069713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28295980785081576,0.0,0.11286643615917415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989141297173112,0.0961864700767952,0.0,0.11917310409963396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854064805161542,0.11915286207397778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,passionfate,2020/01/24,"Struggling with isolation again. I’m at a school I enjoy. But I am a little older than my classmates so there’s that dynamic between me and them. I’m friendly and nice but I still just can’t click with them. I start CBT in two weeks, which tempts me to ask my new therapist if there are groups for students my age. I don’t know what else to do. I take myself out and I do end up socializing but then they never follow up. My best friend is dealing with their own stuff so I barely have gotten to speak with them. I feel...lonely. Again.",0.006756756756754356,2.343056522522524,1.6473513513513502,96.43210810810812,91.88288288288288,4.401441441441441,16.40900900900901,6.079149491110277,-0.4822245045045044,418,10,92,4,15,135,77,111,0.035,0.797,0.168,0.9369,0,3,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,5,1,8,7,0,1,2,0,8,0,0,0,1,15,16,10,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,8,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,2,21,6,15,15,2,18,0,0,1,0,12,6,0,1,11,70,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21382913309834772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400351714908076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23580778473769545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19107229477265275,0.0,0.2025844823217592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115651386449934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534282619462547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257025326529477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292448257434625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640858075005622,0.22090623459863246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314842209208271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331586600658825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16189434771125205,0.0,0.18266190315626488,0.0,0.0,0.2391154175458401,0.2618380157857821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17197445087744184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655700039802406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234333194972128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347122929671625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,work_account-1994,2020/01/24,"DAE think random people know things about you? Does anyone else see strangers in public and instantly assume they know things about you or are talking about you? I am a sexual assault victim and when I see men in public I always assume they know about past assaults and look at me like wounded prey. For a while I told myself that there must be revenge porn out there and thats how so many men would know about it. My therapist says thats my BPD being self referential and its impossible that all men know things about me and my past. But it feels so real when I'm at the grocery store alone and see an old man staring at me or just talking to strange men I don't know. It also happens when people are laughing in public, I always assume they are laughing at me. Does anyone else do this? How do you remind yourself its not real its just in your head? It makes me feel like I'm not living 'in reality'.",4.111317467063324,5.2686930939226535,4.7692817679558015,85.66771780705484,71.09944751381217,6.8951976200594975,24.4203144921377,7.010146845296331,0.8904522736931568,714,19,142,6,13,229,96,181,0.094,0.845,0.061,-0.7319,1,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,5,3,0,18,7,3,0,4,0,11,3,1,3,2,36,29,19,0,2,7,0,2,2,0,2,1,1,0,6,15,8,0,0,12,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,8,23,4,18,24,1,17,0,0,5,1,21,10,0,6,9,97,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821481289843212,0.0,0.0989992240887726,0.20601556163570095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731213970313904,0.2536862575794632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591611033964664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166685689238017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20683052591246984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251894583168513,0.08843953660413151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947196006361512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704990758257986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4082086463881165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096046541632327,0.0,0.10931370278129834,0.0,0.10395704914530517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263446376871178,0.12550921599174844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990256240049544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23635364282741855,0.17164843772861807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28181278381772146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844715781076724,0.0,0.0,0.295946979243091,0.0,0.12914571503333544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19900428222516084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373612787548795,0.2467327068223031,0.07932316373801372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829191430918833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794077796459936,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwawaybpdacct123,2020/01/24,"Switching from Lamictal to Geodon. Experiences? Last month I started taking celexa.. I hated it - I gained 15 lbs on it, I felt really depressed and only wanted to stay in and sleep every weekend, etc. Celexa is pretty different in that I felt symptoms as soon as 4 hours later when I started. I liked being on it for about 4 days and then all the negatives outweighed the cons for about a month. I met with my psychiatrist this weekend and she prescribed me Lamictal. I LOVED it. However, I got rashes and I'm so sad about it because I could feel the acute difference between lamictal and celexa. I am going to talk to my psychiatrist again today, and geodon was mentioned in our last appointment. Any experiences with it? I hate going to [drugs.com](https://drugs.com) / any other website, because I always tend to hone in on the bad reviews. Also don't know anything about drugs aka anti-convulsants versus anti-psychotics. Please gimme your thoughts! Thank you!!",3.928081395348837,7.047218203488378,4.434930232558138,78.58390697674419,79.17441860465115,6.928372093023256,27.20465116279069,8.07648339933343,2.344024651162792,769,32,122,15,20,243,110,172,0.113,0.785,0.10099999999999999,-0.6354,2,0,3,0,0,0,35.0,1,2,0,1,9,8,2,0,5,0,6,5,2,0,1,18,25,13,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,9,0,0,5,2,0,2,2,5,0,0,6,3,21,3,25,17,2,26,0,2,0,1,8,7,0,0,17,82,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421792482694355,0.11884269876189685,0.0,0.0,0.1942531966305564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753365336801982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925376945078255,0.17413084481161806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403496333235125,0.0,0.0,0.09211097383892927,0.0,0.12301585060983422,0.0,0.0,0.29844560537897274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563285088104612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928877813728307,0.0,0.0,0.12033709056145707,0.0,0.0,0.2794225275940517,0.0,0.0,0.07221713236024001,0.0,0.2742707743954048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234264888996966,0.0,0.11423102383474075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820222711079462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065486972971555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849345102788861,0.2328445548568793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977758398169387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890606864363152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22800474948661895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862563202833808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567800914142484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530541969687574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149801227782653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292917754803405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021859987316197,0.15223354468865494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845093258893094,0.10738739986461182,0.1147981529989135,0.0,0.13149501941519534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338791423347486,0.0,0.0,0.13538237651224394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424249316405688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pusspuss1717,2020/01/24,"I'm seeking for some advice. Hi. I am having a hard time giving my FP time without talking to me. I explained him last night that I don't want to be in a relationship where someone wants to spend days without talking to his significant other. We have been together for a more than a year and we haven't seen much progress on it. He wrote to me this morning to wish a good day. And that's it. Not a text in the entire day. He finds that normal, says his previous girlfriends didn't have any issues with it. I'm having an splitting moment and it's only 19:45. I have been trying to keep myself busy all day, but my anxiety keeps building up. I really don't want to screw it up once again with a ""why haven't you written all day"" text message. So, I'm here trying to speak to someone who gets what I'm going through. Thanks in advance.",2.1849031007751947,3.941832645348839,3.6320000000000014,89.44633333333334,77.19767441860466,5.98201550387597,24.25736434108527,6.742157984588678,0.7715871317829466,653,22,137,6,15,215,105,172,0.047,0.8759999999999999,0.077,0.7035,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,1,0,2,4,3,1,0,9,0,14,1,0,0,2,24,32,5,0,5,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,12,7,0,2,2,0,1,2,8,1,0,0,6,4,16,2,24,25,5,21,0,0,1,1,20,7,1,1,12,89,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350614151726626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998672258359146,0.0,0.11234456170100447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47355037579296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422387122649426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672628319877126,0.1408778119353127,0.08346174096856482,0.12317598085053676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155427535060618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327967833635425,0.0,0.26106500821917045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197073723774034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795617630095572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781455940144616,0.14388785790375028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639701929305347,0.0,0.11169072852865028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407981762138598,0.0,0.0,0.15766855823029255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678591412061838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488614984034412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23607483984713945,0.0,0.1352054229018499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126601769082672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19941138774054348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25985870716338993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251484387644502,0.0,0.16887733832754556,0.28312819851689924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457055323567798 bpd,sassyfrass772,2020/01/24,I’m tired I’m so tired of smiling and telling everyone I’m good. I had a good day. I had a good week. I’m doing great how are you? Big smiles and laughs. I’m just so tired. So so tired.,-4.243636363636362,-3.8165689999999977,-1.0012727272727258,110.07809090909092,125.36363636363636,2.6690909090909103,11.21818181818182,4.935628992294339,-1.8622745454545453,140,3,41,1,10,48,23,44,0.2,0.414,0.386,0.8948,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,1,0,4,9,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,5,1,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505448010482205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047068058778495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4489052008805536,0.0,0.1966887475157541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559311421777362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8201870559893865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310325984207933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cocainedanceparty,2020/01/24,so grateful rn I got put on meds and they make me hallucinate so hard and I'm scared. I reached out to my crush for support and hes gonna livestream a cool game so I have something to distract myself. I look forward to hearing his voice since it helps me stay in reality and not dissolve in my paranoia. Thanks for listening y'all have a nice day. I'm really glad he exists and I didn't know who else I could scream this at so I'm doing it here,0.6400000000000006,2.6766413333333356,2.5352500000000013,93.98475000000002,83.58333333333334,5.506666666666668,23.141666666666666,6.742157984588678,0.5336616666666658,352,13,81,4,10,117,69,96,0.131,0.66,0.21,0.841,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,0,5,8,0,2,2,1,6,0,0,1,0,10,18,9,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,7,15,5,10,14,0,9,0,0,1,0,10,6,0,0,2,47,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20916177338539588,0.0,0.0,0.1689490141743268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188423669084688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20952138557074906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346737144246321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952592930336093,0.0,0.17559300675300246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397189192128446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21998886858128888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486704691753344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909896758047292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633522633568941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782472629462036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622777275617988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21670433782715387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016773481614836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792252239606824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29728051558460256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411868312008009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tampicoprincess,2020/01/24,"my anxiety has never been so terrible as it is, and it feels like i’m the one to blame my s/o has had a pattern of talking to other girls, i found it the week after he told me he loved me. then again with her contact under a different name. then again after his phone number got changed. This ended well over a year ago, and I was getting comfortable again, so sure that he was done, that our lives were good and I finally felt like my future was secure, I made progress with my BPD, started medication and returned to therapy. 2 months ago, I found more messages, from someone else. 2 days after we had had a long talk about making things better, about our future together. The morning after we had a lovely day. And I was crushed. I’ve never felt to thrown to the side. He said he was going to leave me. That it’d been going on for a month. Through my birthday. I’ve never felt so insecure and terrified of anything and now i’m so afraid of my future. All I wanted was him and I told him from day 1 that I was fucked up and a lot of work but that id be my best for him if he wanted me. Almost 3 years later and my fear of abandonment and being lied to and deceived are the worst they’ve ever been. I love him more than anything and always have and he swore that he’d always love me more. Why am I not good enough?",1.8032393939393965,3.4686978254545444,3.424931818181822,90.9160643939394,78.01818181818182,6.183333333333334,21.64015151515152,6.996647511020387,0.4837424242424242,1022,28,223,11,24,339,147,275,0.128,0.725,0.147,0.5805,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,4,0,0,4,12,21,1,3,12,0,26,6,0,2,6,41,51,23,0,3,3,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,13,18,0,2,6,0,0,2,4,7,1,1,26,5,35,14,31,21,8,40,0,1,0,5,32,5,1,3,35,156,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562851522689966,0.0,0.10484647273807723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742451307486525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009868686825729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723258307984804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988095546322237,0.0926026573187544,0.0,0.0,0.13187170336187412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076352048737613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025772998319333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939395956248024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714909753763938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746720816692309,0.0,0.09273714489957426,0.10818777959023708,0.0,0.0,0.09471125130039126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782171762027616,0.05294176167950361,0.07480094463051798,0.30159833613849185,0.11469870616399636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22960624853281675,0.0,0.09679766047517224,0.0547038008734219,0.0,0.11901200652885545,0.17564240174074014,0.08374178595319183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086699021229897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230669928301504,0.0,0.09245602750838942,0.09266022345347807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901605603516811,0.3779997428383179,0.09907396783966783,0.06989109380574476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547880904407676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671483305222089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422637893147612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095050639518502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959799508253987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871581735853762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411041265379216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868279026272606,0.0,0.0,0.16831508697960354,0.0,0.0,0.11973876711509734,0.0,0.06956104418986271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000993508612802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351490153697064,0.0,0.0839876666820353,0.0,0.0941419563895543,0.0,0.09447956202191908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762261524849699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348525823749722 bpd,retroryss99,2020/01/24,"7+ meds and none work :(( hey :,) can someone pls help me i’m an 18 year old girl and i was diagnosed with bpd at 16....since then i’ve tried countless meds and nothing seems to work. seroquel helped with my insomnia but made me gain a lot of weight and didn’t help w the suicidal ideation which is a common thing for antipsychotics i know, but as someone with anorexia nervosa as well,, this fucks me up and i refuse to take it any recommendations?? ;,( thank u",0.7358424908424901,3.2354569340659367,1.7609065934065953,95.94451007326008,89.54945054945055,5.231135531135532,21.869047619047624,6.816661863887847,0.5061201465201473,355,13,78,5,12,111,71,91,0.136,0.72,0.14400000000000002,-0.4492,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,3,1,3,1,0,4,0,4,4,0,1,0,15,11,10,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,8,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,1,7,2,11,8,2,6,0,0,0,1,6,2,1,2,4,41,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504212364495795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231585641196696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18663047581161046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16999058703266798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697450294350005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105355256948996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632497259200076,0.0,0.1739881095270948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084900199434666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17643417625935107,0.0,0.1929471440833067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739398960021976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210429551502866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31159542075355995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20113072212254085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825202122485014,0.0,0.0,0.16928850347500107,0.0,0.0,0.12215917903793826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483987210696375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22391167911275134,0.1653267894338093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26772813195180983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841024632342464 bpd,Antique-Butterscotch,2020/01/24,"Extreme mood swings My mood swings really are too intense lately I feel like dying and vomiting while crying and screaming and then back to happy laughing and all and shit and back again and I just and I just and I just I really do avoid my problems too much for them to become this way I want to throw up",3.3061290322580628,4.9531838064516185,4.091161290322585,87.81674193548392,73.83870967741936,6.895483870967742,22.07741935483871,7.554174236665415,0.8053767741935487,244,6,49,3,5,78,39,62,0.19899999999999998,0.632,0.16899999999999998,-0.4964,0,1,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,0,8,9,1,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,17,4,11,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,9,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,9,3,5,4,2,9,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,7,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4051518444520479,0.0,0.0,0.2909585829886093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893862172665209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734183377944436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332076663477665,0.1882079280844441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804462249752065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971818046750325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870781242352616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936652350611408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252084992681912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375441891043277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27042648309674544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538897149397132,0.20911345348912455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,0blivion-,2020/01/24,Splitting So I got into an argument with my best friend and now I’m really splitting on them. I’ve never experienced this with this specific friend and it’s causing a lot of anxiety. Kind of feel like I’m i. Hell rn. Advice??,0.7313768115942025,3.2202753260869628,3.5608695652173914,83.18811594202901,89.21739130434781,7.41449275362319,22.88405797101449,8.344100000000001,1.9957797101449275,179,7,35,5,6,63,36,46,0.159,0.597,0.244,0.6868,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,2,6,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,9,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,5,6,3,2,4,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,3,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30097749599104434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23562186615484604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32323071442738216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164044805337743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557358450203662,0.22003779154302905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4759255441533941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24633856874437954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207382915423965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047497248522074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618535966169827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23755131897054044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197314955524548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BatataQuentinha,2020/01/24,"Mourning by Amy Winehouse I listened she had BPD, I don't know if it's true, but anyway... I was happy, but listening she music, seeing her skinny silhouette because drugs, I started to cry remembering her death. I never felt it before upon listening she. It's a pity ! I'm walking to the same destiny. God have mercy on my soul. &#x200B; Sorry about my english, I'm brazilian.",1.9987499999999976,4.755171375000003,4.082777777777782,80.04000000000002,85.25,5.422222222222223,27.44444444444445,6.937597516519254,1.8795444444444445,297,14,48,4,9,101,55,72,0.198,0.643,0.159,-0.484,0,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,0,2,9,13,3,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,5,12,2,6,10,1,5,1,2,1,0,8,2,0,1,2,33,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710048697721933,0.3039231257149324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247080474249985,0.0,0.21283366187843533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315017330978973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747450289097304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29005974321147504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401543835307106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662573460348138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745938760230114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19290793085802785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833371542102863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993132232227528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799888151292862,0.1770361934878713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039231257149324,0.0 bpd,mellokay,2020/01/24,"I've always know my brain was wonky , but now I'm scared I'll always be a monster. I was diagnosed bipolar in my early teens, but after a recent suicide attempt I have been rediagnosed with BPD . All 9 symptoms are present, and have been present almost my entire life. My extreme case is due to shitty parenting and early childhood abuse. As well as letting my brain rot from now years of drug, and alchohol abuse. As well as my body , from hyper sexual activity, the drugs, alcohol, not having the will power to work out more that a few times a month. I repeat these fucked up patterns in my relationships. I. Destroy. Everything. Like literally, in my fits of rage. I destroy everything. I hurt other people. I push, punch, slap, bite, even stab people I love. Then afterwards I feel like a damn animal, I end up hating myself even more, and begging for forgiveness. People do not deserve to put up with this shit. At all. I am not fully invested in taking my medication, and following my out patient appointments. Because I want nothing more than to be better, because for the past 23 years , I've been the fucking worse. I feel sorry for my boyfriend , who loves me so, but is wearing thin because he doesn't understand my kind of crazy. I obsess over this community because it's reliving to know that there are others out there who struggle exactly like me. It also tears me apart because this is something I will battle for ever, and I'm already tired. Is there hope for me, for us ??",4.564243506493504,6.380860132142861,5.4722077922077945,78.49824675324679,70.89285714285714,8.090909090909092,29.87012987012988,8.710501217029153,2.5335714285714284,1167,48,205,21,22,382,166,280,0.27,0.618,0.111,-0.9966,2,0,4,0,2,1,46.0,1,0,0,4,13,24,9,3,9,0,22,18,5,0,4,30,38,16,1,2,6,1,3,3,0,2,9,0,0,0,12,11,1,0,6,0,1,3,4,13,2,0,5,3,33,11,36,28,6,38,0,1,0,4,9,15,4,2,23,143,45,1,0.0,0.2476311989520669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167888858955677,0.1046418134218705,0.0,0.11531852313601315,0.08356873875858939,0.17390500591297528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185116325200877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242189781363372,0.0,0.1160761178871493,0.13161429105288322,0.2333134736595481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606546086311426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423740138177213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255612287597673,0.0,0.0,0.13804273785478513,0.09452637583990108,0.0,0.0,0.18783600796418284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567683972986547,0.07465493389901777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19321742472768846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317227148905604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379223613229424,0.0,0.0,0.11186958067800692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882083384889384,0.11486110806422865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068584918630052,0.07381155217430241,0.15316049637060491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886309454702199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052729154134232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834110292864912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027072017885202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603505892242486,0.0,0.0997572254423634,0.21734175569901767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505152212952024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318129923061124,0.11219406181556196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462288855934113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726791068585187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804493271990496,0.0,0.11697937155221948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924625476872543,0.0,0.114306212010049,0.0,0.0,0.10861567676693458,0.07857111376211011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060934882615099585,0.12010755925793527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878835008341176,0.1257008235508677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061636900812775085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18791638437461602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607735976131179,0.0,0.1064945889052474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458935141853814 bpd,depressednblessed,2020/01/24,"I feel like such a toxic person. I have quiet BPD and I usually pride myself on how I’m not outwardly showing BPD symptoms. I’m proud that I’m more “normal” than I let on. But lately, I’m making some bad fucking choices. I’m cheating on my husband (who I love more than I think I’ve ever loved anyone) and I thought I feel in love with my affair partner but I’m slowly realizing that I just loved the hole they filled. I loved being myself and not having to be judged. I’ve been so depressed then so angry then so depressed, over and over. I’m being hyper lot sexual and seeking out negative attention. And the worst thing is I see myself doing that and do nothing to stop it! I can’t even do the things that I used to do to control it anymore. I’m too sad to cook or go to the gym or even do something creative. I’m too depressed to live most days. And I’m over eating like crazy. I’ve already set things in motion to get a referral for a psychiatrist. But because of my insurance I need to wait. I don’t want to be like this anymore. It’s exhausting me to be looking in on my life while it crumbles to pieces around me. the way I’ve been acting is making me want to kill myself. Why would I do that to my husband? Do I have no self respect anymore? Do I hate myself this much?do I even deserve to have a life anymore? I need to get things under control, and fast.",1.5999276333422685,3.3787490905923363,3.6397386759581916,88.62817408201558,79.0,5.809112838381133,24.27887965692844,6.67199483983844,0.8213276333422672,1067,38,223,10,26,363,139,287,0.19699999999999998,0.669,0.134,-0.9841,0,0,1,0,0,2,28.0,0,0,1,4,13,22,4,0,9,0,25,12,0,6,1,44,59,21,1,6,8,2,2,3,1,1,4,1,0,3,16,12,2,4,6,3,0,4,6,11,0,0,3,5,34,11,34,49,7,29,0,4,2,6,13,14,1,5,12,158,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859510860976836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3903751356286824,0.06880880277545844,0.0,0.0,0.0876035267449221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216614089525462,0.059988290495530484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478815691149277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22074472814258095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346468786105873,0.0,0.25427467224158856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069542633074884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19499165054926892,0.08901520563799281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951556416020348,0.07030232814772414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097613571956333,0.10282770034329268,0.0,0.0559272424822902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715701973269217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887330373049008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100793130469523,0.0,0.0,0.10062832244263414,0.13901623619598275,0.14423078171469986,0.0,0.08689561364814538,0.0,0.08263750425328338,0.0,0.0,0.08366252609124641,0.4440829940724565,0.0,0.13137552301258454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723408256211486,0.1459358089146006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641844305969233,0.09442463753510903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592562161622949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841802602458657,0.0,0.10266047048376184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575889100191976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822730652609654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228305821534772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615102458446161,0.0630555439450932,0.0,0.0781245522018642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499247250748447,0.10838194367423468,0.0,0.11608657058915295,0.0781112824359888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879745042428637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990585508952786,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,urmomagay,2020/01/24,DAE have more stable relationships with their friends when they are in a romantic relationship with their FP? i think maybe i need my friends less when i have a FP because i get obsessive and my whole life depends around them.,9.592142857142855,8.40962869047619,8.052380952380954,74.73428571428572,59.714285714285715,12.20952380952381,40.04761904761904,11.20814326018867,4.2245333333333335,183,8,35,4,2,55,31,42,0.043,0.7,0.257,0.8588,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,4,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,7,6,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,2,4,6,3,4,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,2,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553864353227431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488103778478015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4432897415179237,0.0,0.14988437577161196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20263374280268026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882122427054336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21271989501724697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6160093371898381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838228572961803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32029430149118304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yerrr456,2020/01/24,"DAE have really intense vivid dreams at night? I have the most stressful vivid dreams almost every night and it’s the most annoying thing. I never wake up feeling good, I always wake up anxious and stressed out because of my dreams and have no idea what’s causing it!!",4.8008823529411755,6.666232176470594,4.42171568627451,86.0702205882353,70.37254901960785,6.668627450980392,28.43627450980393,7.1686216300943375,1.5495450980392156,215,8,39,2,4,65,35,51,0.23800000000000002,0.551,0.21100000000000002,-0.1916,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,2,0,3,2,2,1,1,11,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,4,1,5,4,2,7,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,3,3,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389637309913572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19856779853144754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695955473735366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547287662971722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24514926515757104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010646964719482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206636767628226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200160112897184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693957859856194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840540664424108,0.0,0.0,0.4478954026295285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152879049847331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5467231821796341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854197301219675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Pacificsugar,2020/01/24,"Hey, what do you guys use as motivation to get outside every day? So I've been having major troubles getting myself to go out of my house, it feels so useless when I don't feel good. Even though I know I need to get outside to get better and feel more comfortable with social contact. So how do you guys get outside and do you have any advice or tips for me?",5.705270270270269,4.927425878378378,6.454729729729731,81.73587837837839,67.24324324324324,8.481081081081081,30.66216216216216,7.1686216300943375,1.7556324324324324,281,9,58,2,4,93,53,74,0.115,0.775,0.109,-0.1253,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,2,7,5,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,3,0,13,19,10,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,3,9,3,9,18,2,4,0,1,0,0,8,1,0,1,2,38,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047917267274104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425164205948111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534975974698312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515686245300668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842059566767426,0.0,0.17657378832462167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178983117331353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5474646539696048,0.0,0.1191048262319264,0.17577938855452266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4150192558242489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418184153510445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517551190577532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539528135410174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21363267279979464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20590382190602985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810032681699129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SenapiStorm,2020/01/24,"After a long struggle, I'm getting want I deserve. Hello. Im going start off by saying 2 years ago I got the right doctor to test me for my mental problems I have been having my whole life. I was so happy that after 25 years I got the answers I was looking for. I'm going do a quick review of my struggles, so I'm sorry if this seems long in anyway. When I was a kid growing, I got builled heavily. I would cry easily so kids had fun calling me names and pushing me around just to see my cry. It broke my mother's heart seeing me cry every damn day and never having friends. When middle school hit, it was not better, I was in a fights and would freak out over the smallest things. I would cut my thighs because everyone had boyfriends and had no friends to hangout with.I had really bad learning problems and would often take summer school to make up for it. My mother again would stick up for me when ever I had an outbursts or I had some type of problems. She set me up in clubs to meet friends and had meetings to make sure I would learn right. The school just wanted to not deal with me and put me in special ED. I'm not saying my mother didn't punish me, believe me she did. Also during middle school I had a few friends but they were all trouble makers that smoked and stole things. I didn't engage in most of the activity unless they asked me to do something because I looked so young and would get anyway with looking ""cute and dumb"". I also hanged out with my white trash cousins alot (on my mother's side). There were two twins who were around my age at the time.They were doing hard drugs and having sex, ( mind you they were 11-12years old). One night they sneaked out. Normally I would not go and sleep until they got back but I could not sleep that night. I went with them and they had sex with boys and then we went to a crackhead where they got drunk and smoked crack. Again, they were 12 years old. Our ride was not answering the phone so I guess we tired to walk but my cousins were so messed up and started destroying near by yards. Cops were called and I never seen them until I was 19. I have many stories about how they tired to steal money from me but I rather not explain that. High school hit and my mother pretty much said ""if you fight, you might go to jail, so dont do it"" I tired my best. There was maybe a few fight i had but everything else was just me freaking out and walking out of class. Good news was I had alot more friends during high school but ofcourse they stop talking to you as soon as your done with high school. Also let me add that I was very addicted to chatrooms, roleplay and having phone sex with random people on the internet during this time. Not smart but I was a closet pervy teen. I got my first boyfriend at around 17. Pretty cute and shy at first but I soon learned he had a really bad attitude. Me never having a boyfriend, i just thought I was just not good enough and needed to try harder. I went to college, he worked at small muminim wage jobs and I soon said he should join the military. At this time we had been dating for about 2 years and I really was thinking about breaking up because his attitude was borederline abuse at this time. I had also lost all sexual feeling I had to him. I even went to doctors to see if I was broken and they said everything was fine.He joined and I was happy, thinking this might straighten out his attitude problem. It did not. I felt so overcome sexual need. I wanted to feel good for once.I ended cheating on him while he was in boot camp. I know, very horrible and I felt very guilty about it.To make things worst I ended pregnant with the cheaters baby and had to have a abortion because he wanted nothing to do with it. When my boyfriend got back I straight up told him I cheated. Ofcourse he was mad but we tired to make make it work. We moved in together soon and I continued college plus working at a fast food place. He was in the reserves so he only had to report on weekends. Every other day was working at a hotel my father worked at. (He got him the job) Everything was ok at first but the abuse got worst and worst. And I was cutting my self all the time. He even cut himself in front of me and would slam me against walls and yell at me calling me a dumb bicth or a whore. I was at a breaking point soon. I was still going to college and would talk to my college friends about it and they pretty much said it was a abusive. I just said no no it's my fault I need to do better. I soon met another guy. I'm going call him K. K was very quiet and people seemed scared of him because of how tall and quiet he was. We soon started to hangout and he was just the most non judgmental person ever. I would tell this dude all my problems. Of course that made things worst for me because my first boyfriend would call me a whore for hanging out with him. After awhile of talking to friends and my friend K, I broke it off with my first boyfriend. It was a rough break up. I started drinking everyday and trying to sleep with anyone in sight. My real college friends soon told me to get my life together and I kinda did. I started to date K and he said he didn't mind if a slept around. So at this point it's like I'm trying to seek out certain nerdy people to sleep with but of course there was alot drama that happened but I would always come back to K to cry in his shoulder. Me and K went through so much together but soon he was a strain. He was very reckless, would spend money on video games and werid things rather then paying bills. He would also tell me creepy stories about how his last girlfriend was a rich girl that wanted to be a vampire and killed herself, how he was tested by a doctor, saying he could be a serial killer....just werid shit.He made many mistakes and even went to jail. I paid his court tickets, food, and other random shit. I was pretty much his mom. We moved in together and I laid down the law saying we needed a real relationship and stop acting crazy. He didn't care. He kept getting fired from jobs, making me having to get two jobs to pay rent and often left to hangout with his best friend 4 times a week. I was done with the games. I was done with life. I just wanted a normal relationship. I got a drunk, got a belt, called the suicide hotline and told them they can find my body at this address. I was alone, I went to hang myself and everything went black. I woke up and it was morning. I called them back saying I was still alive and they said go to the nearest hospital. I did. I got help for first time in my life. I told K what I did and he said he would vist me. He never did. Said he was ""busy and his phone was off"". I was done with him but I got so lonely easy. I went on some dating sites one week out of the hospital and met a very young 18 year old guy. Very cute but again I was just so overly sexual and thought no one wanted me for a relationship. We met up, had sex and he said he fell in love with me after the second date. We had so many things in common but again I thought no one really wanted me. We would meet up late at night 3 times a week,have sex, eat at a late night place to have long talks about our lives. One night when we met up at our hotel, I kinda drank a bit too much and had a episode. I started crying, breaking down asking him why the hell he would wanna date someone trashy like me. He just would hold me and say. ""I'm going give you the relationship you deserve"" He told me if I worked hard to improve myself, that he would make me feel like a whole person. I cut off contact with all my past relationships and toxic people and agreed to start dating him. It was a little rough at first because he was young and never had a girlfriend. But he soon learned. He joined the Marines. I was scared I would make mistakes again but at this point I was taking medication to calm my moods. I didn't cheat on him once. He got out of boot camp, married me and then finished his training. We moved to where he is station and now we are living the greatest life ever with two Guinea pigs. My husband saved my life. I thought I was nothing and he seen me as a person that made past mistakes. I thank god everyday that he deals with my moods and is so understanding. I want nothing more then to work hard everyday to be the woman he deserves. At the moment, We have been married for almost two years, I'm slowly coming off my meds to have his child and I know it's going be beautiful. Am I scared what it's going be like off meds? Yep but I'm try hard to deal with it. To anyone who is still struggling and want to give up, I know how you feel. You wanna be the best person ever then you get to a point and say ""What's the fucking point? Why does it matter? No one cares. I'm just going let loose and see where it goes"". I still have moments where I wanna give up but get the motivation from not only my husband but to prove other I can do better and it really does not matter what they think. I hope everyone feels well and have a great life no matter what.",1.948151260504204,3.8768547878787913,2.9014774637127587,93.6221321619557,78.5021645021645,5.473776419658773,20.989635854341735,6.288627552173137,0.10102555640437982,7040,187,1525,52,170,2232,543,1848,0.175,0.732,0.09300000000000001,-0.9995,6,4,6,0,5,2,178.0,18,10,19,22,100,100,20,7,76,2,161,43,10,18,17,330,318,145,2,59,54,11,14,4,12,24,17,20,4,13,57,129,7,4,30,16,10,37,30,53,1,18,157,46,247,45,210,125,33,273,1,4,12,9,218,107,6,27,128,1018,304,40,0.0,0.08294997726855438,0.0,0.025440281062127663,0.0,0.0,0.020686441054560144,0.0,0.023368181073082073,0.02416962497467141,0.0,0.09331114186098656,0.01941787673014685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024470404500224925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03263491282130214,0.0,0.0,0.0830978986072061,0.04363304287719689,0.0,0.0,0.07177745730013876,0.038970084303455575,0.09958019803849724,0.0,0.0,0.026292297313989958,0.073470799637554,0.061917838747302036,0.025477465440068188,0.025921643101804337,0.0,0.0,0.1668045671832661,0.0,0.04758633035891067,0.0,0.0,0.04020473812380405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03726466806935831,0.0,0.12817050654914885,0.03010028473152728,0.07217686640602235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165783476937826,0.040843939450549,0.0955255602859228,0.027350259528032342,0.0228609319490264,0.027062985899661628,0.023879113770744916,0.019494690713227188,0.0,0.041338508346916915,0.024112891519727786,0.0,0.04624070801902429,0.08443697197423948,0.03932409504211086,0.044598141848928435,0.08389353553069283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05899829726962761,0.016671633989349458,0.044813489960894605,0.0,0.02132918137230941,0.13895038594460732,0.05643729103518429,0.0,0.180297584852731,0.021574261855096782,0.08534667915558662,0.06715962759780539,0.1458896732712791,0.058720765813107215,0.2613011609266557,0.025728625683753573,0.02570783773689112,0.04621370140831705,0.02063643162725497,0.04968437689174944,0.08361985013890587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02765392080438475,0.0156419956812436,0.07396903017664946,0.0,0.023178456953352255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02520747555789718,0.0,0.09263168886860076,0.0,0.025818431890221337,0.0,0.0384754681287675,0.019022400663230417,0.05264928344159362,0.0,0.02535522682496783,0.04772640124237894,0.11538305406447515,0.04560423276817799,0.02338935103487384,0.04121319746275563,0.06195632976635409,0.05879046658920568,0.0,0.02547459799048475,0.0,0.02106214497623323,0.06624481567128376,0.12461861178895088,0.07097878816362614,0.023444698317106327,0.0,0.051843286203608674,0.023509116184314616,0.023517750772722643,0.049512777490667265,0.047126520359633065,0.027331482045357132,0.0,0.07440916950774375,0.08577523668269768,0.06921501623819623,0.08999291930244617,0.0,0.0,0.10949884347539723,0.04572972289442336,0.06717613931310272,0.0,0.07346334199986697,0.02485266115563845,0.09488069006259008,0.03549699147587574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04455474979370342,0.06471449395906219,0.08150629156309024,0.04876344980614817,0.0,0.11030290075833016,0.0,0.0,0.09496663260901367,0.0,0.11164962004988024,0.0,0.02345967554316526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053124199489634524,0.0747499485443333,0.0,0.0,0.12527359122021178,0.0,0.03985856761641863,0.2219840041180018,0.1299071130100556,0.07009186455094217,0.16532482158385806,0.07438482693216529,0.042489432240274176,0.024345108251370155,0.0,0.04790926071077208,0.0,0.0,0.09341360233932472,0.0,0.019772980720675064,0.017965614162436718,0.0,0.026123354009806185,0.1156240975921729,0.0,0.07454638698630421,0.03902079681715577,0.0,0.07318927815306962,0.0,0.025526394972343425,0.0,0.021994419568288216,0.0,0.03509235846486155,0.07502813069728577,0.04079434172216481,0.0214851573065352,0.0,0.0,0.0930225901059446,0.04485935149016679,0.0,0.07410644706698634,0.10886182676333782,0.10728771229030548,0.0,0.11149535462232113,0.0,0.06337593481631634,0.0,0.09118566276310314,0.024294168652659112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347856681415747,0.13764500173269084,0.0,0.05615751159796592,0.0,0.02098235854801771,0.19469891755884924,0.04211520817775452,0.05210884312658323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892499013830587,0.0,0.0,0.3481298851673893,0.0,0.0,0.09016782770508842 bpd,bubblebutt3333,2020/01/24,"I really just want to cut everyone off. Everyone eventually gets sick of my shit anyway, no matter how hard I try nothing is ever good enough. I just wanna do my job and drink myself into liver failure and die.",2.7647560975609764,5.1188580975609765,5.387987804878048,74.68978658536588,77.78048780487805,8.002439024390245,22.445121951219512,8.841846274778883,2.075141463414634,166,5,28,4,4,59,35,41,0.42,0.529,0.051,-0.9614,1,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,2,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,1,10,4,3,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,1,5,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,22,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282128798498722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26630140514748185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28088517599326385,0.0,0.0,0.2458964089180115,0.0,0.5195128469748214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202608459133365,0.0,0.0,0.22800794651524306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24351679581418856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26976097214557443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608394725019673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17414877378090154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790416303959778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18456269118590127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603392961173843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,vulgargoth,2020/01/24,"Does anyone else get protective over weird things? i dont really know why but i get protective of random stuff and idk what it is, like i have some songs i like alot that i dont let anyone listen to ever, and if they find the song i get upset and idk, i do it with mt charger too (protective of people bending it cause for some reason everyone wrecks my shit) anyways idk its weird.",3.185384615384617,4.538062923076922,4.456923076923079,86.26307692307694,73.61538461538461,7.764102564102564,21.974358974358974,8.344100000000001,1.1037282051282054,300,7,62,5,6,99,54,78,0.147,0.7709999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,3,6,1,1,2,0,6,1,1,2,1,15,11,5,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,8,4,0,3,3,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,9,2,6,10,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,5,3,41,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859795065896045,0.2095323628828608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21007577298207486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895757398223114,0.0,0.4793402554958768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083183466163798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18498014469454455,0.0,0.1954065983048159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18690746312739345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205252869739669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123867502626078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20911305559982846,0.0,0.19981478205340952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177316140651874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100665241154344,0.21025799850524884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20991425370372185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23410127917325935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585938146391333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18452763334380728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thatalexdowgirl,2020/01/24,"I feel like I'm falling apart at the seems I've just came out of surgery. I also have bipolar. I'm going through a BAD depressive stage. My brain genuinely feels like mush and I just want to die. I'm cycling from pure intense anger to absolute, awful sadness that pushes me to the point where I genuinely feel like dying. I feel so lonely. I feel so isolated. I don't know how to make this better, the meds aren't working. I feel incoherent and like I'm losing touch. I'm scared and I'm sad",1.0766577540106963,3.317257343137257,2.9498930481283416,90.429064171123,83.41176470588233,6.062032085561497,22.998217468805706,7.348242739294969,0.9650078431372552,387,14,82,6,11,129,65,102,0.31,0.5539999999999999,0.136,-0.9698,1,2,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,3,8,13,1,1,4,1,3,2,1,2,1,19,21,7,2,1,2,0,7,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,8,0,0,4,2,8,0,0,1,7,10,5,9,20,0,10,0,5,0,0,0,5,0,1,4,38,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615355183719158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215653370781095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057747480443856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19006184969469514,0.0,0.19472735017472345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466411250088764,0.0,0.3533974109613145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5165188785862334,0.3648924668548009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676033028317346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356816952854173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327136581099719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904727605251427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113647110367078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18911588195033704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160946821747886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045581987267766,0.0,0.0,0.15499454297959242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042131895921967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394829573557252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,julkaaaaaaa,2020/01/24,"Paranoia and trust issues I constantly fear that I am being lied to. I can't trust people and I don't believe them when they say they like me and like spending time with me. It's cause they don't want to bond with me as much and as fast as I do and don't want to spend as much time with me as I would like to. It's so difficult to set boundaries and give people space cause I constantly fear they will leave me if I do. But I also know they will leave me if I push them too hard... I don't want to be a burden. How do you cope with this stuff?",1.5625318761384364,2.258637803278688,3.0442076502732256,97.38102914389799,76.70491803278688,6.405828779599272,19.29326047358834,6.42735559955562,-0.31006848816029153,420,7,109,3,9,138,59,122,0.187,0.7,0.113,-0.6258,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,7,0,6,9,0,2,1,0,14,0,0,3,0,21,19,18,0,6,3,0,1,3,0,3,0,1,0,0,5,10,0,0,1,0,2,1,5,4,0,0,0,2,25,5,15,14,2,9,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,2,9,76,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212148953830585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18613947998211886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33944035416614776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3570750473319408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718231208181952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584882194146968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479991956879766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244037906509338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079723418648827,0.0,0.0,0.34987531271028743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421454866917053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429024403731357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290770203339411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138471791564613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891303789706864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926750977828128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923423016865255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173632084774892,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Finst3rnis,2020/01/24,"Boyfriend may have BPD, he's splitting on me, I need help I've been going out with my boyfriend for 8 months now, and all is relatively well. I know he has intense emotions, and he's overall really protective and attached to me. I love him truly and I'm aware how difficult having BPD can be. But for the last few days, he's been very stressed and has been saying some nasty comments towards me. He always regrets it afterwards and try to make it up the best he can. On my side, I apologize if I trigger him or if I do anything wrong or even just to calm him down. I feel so useless when I'm unable to calm him. But this time, he said a line that I struggle to let go. Nothing serious really (it was about me sleeping too early) but... I don't know, this one hit hard I just don't know what to do to make him feel better without me having to go to unreachable length. Maybe you can help?",2.7783307453416133,3.96547545108696,4.093322981366462,89.12434782608698,74.38043478260869,7.2136645962732935,26.72981366459627,7.7094869923839395,1.3476487577639749,689,25,151,9,14,227,110,184,0.111,0.735,0.154,0.7588,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,2,10,13,0,2,3,0,20,2,1,4,1,32,36,16,0,4,10,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,7,8,0,1,5,0,0,3,3,7,1,1,5,5,23,6,20,27,4,18,0,2,0,1,20,7,0,6,8,100,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318171948441847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036523613286086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16625083586242795,0.14010862134774366,0.0,0.0,0.39904605521657865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216706884231938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17819991201083668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463417299059627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602026865191006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700992926346008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191219554773538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21236966545011013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611886124077073,0.12913252717977414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199403310690466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297921996065766,0.0,0.21149165868754227,0.0,0.15915305309005132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644843478644285,0.0,0.0,0.11746558864812508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200718334234326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734872975335644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20297437601019613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506926278797818,0.12598104803311402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853328342463466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18146828630874925,0.16561380479240226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237532010437438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075560173778529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071216301300373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424375941536672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271014250934076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17320617102780184,0.0,0.0 bpd,LavendarFlower,2020/01/24,"It’s no wonder our suicide rate is so high. I am constantly destroying my life or someone else’s life. Who the hell wants to live like this? Not me.",0.06951612903225879,2.3835055483871,1.8970161290322598,95.26552419354843,90.29032258064517,5.680645161290323,20.65322580645161,7.1686216300943375,0.6001548387096771,116,4,26,2,4,38,29,31,0.369,0.569,0.062,-0.9246,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,4,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,2,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518263266114889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719725907018325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439833792831192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4599205071286823,0.15905742639603976,0.0,0.28748494269382296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27585504543812017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561215653037259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192030067412139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530675974706608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BorisKitkit,2020/01/24,"How do you tell someone they are your FP? I have been dealing with an unhealthy attachment to a very patient friend. I want to explain my irrational behaviors to them, but that conversation can’t happen without opening up about my diagnosis. I want to work towards being emotionally independent, and they have already expressed interest in helping me get stable. Have any of you come up with a plan with your FP to taper off the needy messages?",7.706125,8.735822362499999,7.7600000000000025,67.92500000000001,62.875,10.4,41.0,10.355215969177356,4.688700000000001,359,20,56,8,5,116,62,80,0.08,0.728,0.193,0.8371,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,3,2,2,2,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,2,0,13,14,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,13,2,16,12,0,7,0,0,0,0,15,6,0,0,0,45,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32036694461814097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19742238239460333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500784204501613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992993294849755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32656236701028385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22429463458812726,0.0,0.15167624307770705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567222902524595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19459027742491994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24598074838797385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537458274138816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395381280994391,0.3424675421108216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798507869145044,0.0,0.21135087962061447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Okaydog97,2020/01/24,"How i do begin to control my impulsive behavior by not buying instantly fast? I don't have disorders. But do think i have impulsive behavior. But for the last 4 times in this month January i have spent about 1000 each time every weekend without consequences off going broke. I Wil always try to control my impulsive behavior but it's get waste every time and the last 24 days of January i have spent money without consequences. Yesterday i spent about 700 just like that without consequences. I hope from today my impulsive behavior for the last time even if have tried for the last years and it's just harder by days to stop it. I don't know why my Brain fucks up with me spending month instantly fast.",4.6949282296650745,6.818860939849628,5.361544771018455,78.15821599453179,71.18045112781955,9.949145591250854,30.13602187286397,10.230975488527342,3.501712781954888,567,24,100,17,11,183,74,133,0.11900000000000001,0.857,0.025,-0.9083,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,6,4,1,0,4,0,9,2,1,3,0,21,19,7,0,2,10,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,3,2,1,6,1,6,2,0,0,3,0,14,2,19,16,1,24,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,2,21,63,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977063109928955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16068601267381116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228846495344685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856603658919236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496911572153394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507182237074303,0.0,0.24255338243495184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307134419463015,0.07520334974055252,0.0,0.08180511598292695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296611600694414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910633353763588,0.4693252437680752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032241237482446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22978502696543696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034131037437458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922317256644345,0.0,0.0,0.33573314619471,0.0,0.13643945184280742,0.0,0.0,0.19545328809490906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298845680304582,0.0,0.0,0.4162626165401157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269343038180856 bpd,butterealmilk,2020/01/24,I think I made the best worst decision I asked my fp to unfollow me after an attempted suicide made me realize how unhealthy it’s was to rely on him when he rarely gives me the time of day. I feel like I can breathe but at the same time it’s like I can no longer navigate. I don’t know what it feels like to live for myself after back to back FPs for years. I miss him and I want to message him back saying I was wrong. I don’t know where to go from here and I’m scared.,2.4877142857142864,2.7221912952380944,4.082857142857144,92.50714285714287,74.14285714285714,7.904761904761906,23.57142857142857,7.957251820313856,0.8009999999999997,366,9,92,5,7,123,66,105,0.184,0.703,0.11199999999999999,-0.836,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,7,8,0,1,4,0,6,1,1,3,0,15,19,5,1,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,3,19,4,14,15,3,14,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,13,61,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823033285582965,0.0,0.0,0.4498403681618364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046456911636512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576207697807987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19720074993249598,0.2786231872315655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18706654175329285,0.1108258215911784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21433926966631275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858087431600285,0.0,0.17219296621453895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36903684609222986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507578361646165,0.1952339995853913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21330379284567236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495131448339278,0.0,0.0,0.22741793905765856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501898708236087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132073285521732,0.0,0.12557681087222725 bpd,parsleybiscuits,2020/01/24,"Overreaction or Inconsiderate Friends? So my husband has BPD and gets extremely angry and upset over things his friends do a lot. Cancelling plans on him can lead him to feeling pretty much suicidal. Whenever I am away for the night he tries to have a friend over as his alcohol addiction and BPD Manifest much more dangerously when I’m away. (This is a coping mechanism we have used for about a year) This Saturday I’m due to visit a friend 200 miles away and stay the night. He arranged for 2 friends he hasn’t seen for a while to come and stay the night. Then yesterday it turns out the friends thought it was the Friday night and were planning on spending Saturday as 1 on 1 chill time at one of their houses. My husband was upset by this as he wanted to see them (we have plans Friday) and them visiting on Saturday was also a plan to try to manage his BPD. The friends are aware of his BPD and that my husband struggles immensely when he’s on his own. I can’t see why they can’t have 1 on 1 time on the Friday instead. So should I feel annoyed at the friends considering they know how much it affects my husband and triggers him when plans are cancelled? I’m also now extremely stressed at the thought of leaving him on his own. Or should I just see it as him not being treated any differently because of his BPD and should just get over it? What’s the general consensus?",5.548529411764704,6.042331794117651,5.963970588235295,80.80161764705879,67.45588235294117,9.488235294117649,33.64705882352941,9.478462496947786,2.9621485294117647,1096,48,218,21,17,353,132,272,0.11900000000000001,0.779,0.102,-0.59,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,2,0,5,6,13,15,2,4,17,0,22,2,0,5,0,35,40,26,1,4,5,4,2,0,8,3,2,0,0,0,11,14,1,0,5,0,1,4,4,6,0,1,7,6,27,9,39,29,7,43,0,0,4,0,38,19,0,3,18,151,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118433254806832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939002394907182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337801916435365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688080463723135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23575894199441766,0.0,0.0,0.0509886207117771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5267336010343096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205192038044145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739020242064455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458586357384515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5169853240119833,0.0,0.08740110058410586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651397350466737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045968568143677085,0.0,0.0,0.08856694423686842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111115811799222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18446394566861546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139770015183773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667935542804003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509604303941512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19996037324476607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830680091483256,0.0,0.0,0.09581394695813188,0.08744289501315787,0.0,0.09149298634819547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05556937290373438,0.0,0.0,0.1328080239524438,0.09754700615469744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357760359885705,0.09098067919213727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722415809525886,0.0,0.0,0.04933541253306984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547572171929301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538640091181844 bpd,elegantmushroom,2020/01/24,"How do I get my motivation back after repeated failures despite my best efforts? I'm feeling really hopeless right now. No matter how hard I try, and no matter how differently I try to approach problems, my life falls apart in the exact same ways every time. I'm in university right now, and last semester was off to a really great start. I was managing a full course load and was on top of all of my work (which is challenging for me because of my mental health and learning disabilities). About a month in, it was suddenly too much and I was so overwhelmed by the workload that I had to withdraw from several courses and was back to being part time. The damage had been done in my remaining courses and I was very behind, to the point that I ended up needing several very long extensions (which I was very lucky to have been granted). I managed to eventually get everything submitted and did well in those courses, but they didn't help my GPA as much as expected. As a result, I might have to take yet another extra year of school in order to have my GPA where I would like it to be when I graduate. It feels like I'm doing everything right, but nothing is working. It makes me wonder what point there is in trying. I was more on top of my work last semester than I probably ever have been, and it all fell apart anyway. I can't manage the workload most other people can manage with ease. I did well in the two classes I had left, but they barely put a dent in my low GPA. It feels like nothing I do matters and that I have no control over what happens to me, no matter how hard I try to gain control. How do I turn this around when I don't feel like there is any point in trying to do so? Thanks if anyone replies :)",6.621946873987692,5.771639029154521,7.288313896987367,76.74900469711699,65.41399416909621,10.421056041464206,33.63281503077422,9.725611199111238,3.0197769355361195,1349,50,266,24,18,449,171,343,0.08,0.774,0.145,0.9724,1,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,2,12,24,16,0,1,11,0,40,2,0,10,4,48,57,26,0,5,4,0,6,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,16,12,0,2,7,0,0,4,7,5,2,1,19,6,38,11,45,34,11,56,0,4,0,0,3,30,0,5,24,202,54,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329654928330246,0.09760088819746454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508262823315067,0.0,0.0,0.08285956931496184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314319129838524,0.0,0.056739769494366786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768010851826217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087908304844909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724718716049002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525158778414156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243989451380558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419480214675695,0.07842262279800592,0.0,0.16730584861696726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882530782227413,0.19948582603715315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972593145582128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026193383444628,0.0,0.0,0.08230898087638151,0.0,0.16676004772256778,0.0,0.0,0.09893805776103147,0.0,0.0,0.062388534347940436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517427470692004,0.0,0.0,0.1011300266222527,0.0,0.06574407382322553,0.18189374939417846,0.0,0.0,0.08237151419102459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062130599416658765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380120233824657,0.09874154430442976,0.0,0.0,0.07429434425295138,0.0,0.1368467658228058,0.0690165038075667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862259864632746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079490921382817,0.0,0.06452888927107707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639677104970828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003543300781998,0.08906352229426852,0.0,0.09356956767168356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925689860295755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384655064614112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420037771705342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103043477117476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588141793851231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998342334477589,0.0,0.0,0.08569414682788777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085496051240451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31597084594373154,0.1012426438240652,0.09092413732343012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23039844945499902,0.0,0.07388135457298285,0.0,0.0,0.1673774400210971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093962688297972,0.20328669737005328,0.0,0.0,0.06612027232851289,0.0,0.0,0.05993948098114254 bpd,shinykaci,2020/01/24,"DAE have trouble finding female friends? (F) I'm mainly friends with guys. I try to be mindful of this and reach out to other girls, but I always get intimidated (I don't have a lot of confidence in comparison). Yesterday I tried to talk to a girl in my class to start a friendship and I ended up being awkward and messing up the intent. I really don't know what it's like to be good friends with another girl. Does anyone have any advice I could try?",1.947973137973136,4.146248021978025,4.0434432234432265,84.08211233211235,79.76923076923076,6.681807081807082,25.49572649572649,7.793537801064563,1.5714019536019537,354,14,70,6,9,121,62,91,0.076,0.672,0.251,0.9549,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,1,4,0,9,0,0,1,0,13,13,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,8,5,15,9,2,8,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,4,46,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20815137098180755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17724177920057008,0.0,0.0,0.14485442751169167,0.22336005587283908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489418769335071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17007153155106544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18640690221646367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188664056084204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946877152356496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4937140940118964,0.0,0.11128918155911198,0.0,0.0,0.17866308030435935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109138598129328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706498641241173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406615856150404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109388860741926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150798573951521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645996479707284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076991063806985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17120975119584134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4338603906640278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Yung_gopnica1996,2020/01/24,Does anyone else play career parkour? I struggle with my sense of self and knowing who I really am. I’m constantly changing my degree and career. Seriously one day I’m like yep I’ll be a doctor. The next day I’m hell bent on being an actress. Anyone else get this?,-0.5005555555555574,1.4772711666666682,2.4678518518518544,86.98733333333334,105.85185185185185,4.382222222222223,18.362962962962968,6.2581,0.4225096296296296,209,7,39,3,10,73,41,54,0.157,0.7190000000000001,0.124,-0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,3,1,3,1,0,0,0,4,8,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,2,3,6,0,6,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,5,18,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150268258830117,0.4616296879865617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383048691285761,0.0,0.0,0.2434359003976589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29055990463557696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305724992602757,0.1971345330707548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763669031743376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769382239400962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380202214050205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005511776954638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395762745826083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526481919923968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431317254488799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350048311819405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355002050664833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tnriggs,2020/01/24,"What's my diagnosis? My psychiatrist told me I have BPD this time last year. I was told before I had bipolar the typical misdiagnosis. But even with the therapy I'm not doing okay mentally. My depression and anxiety part of me is so bad I don't want to get out of bed, but I CRYYYYY when I'm alone. If my boyfriend works midnight shifts that week it's always the worst. My anxiety reached the point of very strong chest pains with all my panic attacks. I have probably 3 a day on average. I'm also sick with other things too such as Type 1 Diabetic with problems such as Neuropathy, and possibly gastroparesis. But honestly feel so consumed with not feeling well anymore that I can't work. I still have my job thankfully but at this rate I shouldn't at all. I dont know what to do anymore truly. It's so hard feeling worthless everyday because I can't work. But I get physically sick everytime I work or even stand or active for more than 3 hours. And it's a mix between physical diabetic symptoms and anxiety symptoms. Who has more than 1 diagnosis with their bpd what is it? Just depression, anxiety, bipolar, any dual diagnosis?",3.4656849315068503,5.741478433789957,5.22205251141553,77.12622945205482,75.16438356164383,9.31150684931507,31.49794520547945,9.766711354998122,3.4980317808219183,903,45,168,27,20,307,127,219,0.265,0.648,0.087,-0.9904,1,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,5,13,14,1,1,6,1,15,10,1,0,2,31,28,19,0,4,11,0,4,0,0,1,9,0,1,0,14,11,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,9,1,0,4,4,23,5,21,23,6,15,0,3,0,0,4,5,0,3,9,112,37,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284741117492623,0.0,0.09485486202960274,0.09869561026752392,0.0,0.0,0.08066098291103836,0.0,0.3629548210902229,0.0,0.2352646676778712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493953733084907,0.0,0.0,0.0990369932294167,0.07230545155119061,0.0,0.10093102121027987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29877812216382305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649564399057371,0.0,0.204322597433454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901368273203052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668568232470098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799230585720168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394090986550535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062540494853038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681002156376633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770521038487422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518666381619809,0.09668551656299858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953411780752612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621271297227188,0.13916692916046222,0.0,0.12844644047224538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212772906030488,0.13371846072853996,0.0,0.0,0.12788499523498895,0.1134967281963662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472458368001824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465688769993689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920301645391099,0.13564442968742013,0.0,0.07880128044516725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069164258897604,0.0,0.0,0.2266798212671681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786823876206624,0.06996108603981016,0.0,0.0951442830283275,0.0,0.10664743166968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454070299939269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638295461379685 bpd,idrivea240sxanddrugs,2020/01/24,"This may sound a bit stupid but, how do I put my thoughts into words?? I cannot explain what I am feeling. My FP (i think that’s the right acronym correct me if I’m wrong) is trying to understand why I’m upset all the time but I just cannot explain. I don’t really know how u guys could help with thi s but if u could thanks",0.8479908675799095,1.9843866986301395,2.8947260273972617,95.97898401826487,79.27397260273972,5.962557077625571,21.755707762557076,6.42735559955562,0.11104748858447476,251,7,63,2,6,85,53,73,0.08199999999999999,0.778,0.14,0.6007,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,3,0,9,0,0,2,2,23,19,7,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,2,9,1,3,15,2,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,1,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953645729132523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43201560983181797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679545099684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678816346806042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813403057996293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868420667960613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719719928102837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733177633310568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310435633530972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490810683953901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335402044114687,0.0,0.21478214875365145,0.15775669995582414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18368198716659007,0.0,0.0,0.281646412797802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24412437151248045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957979893596728,0.0,0.0 bpd,Robotdinodev,2020/01/24,"Just living is exhausting how am i supposed to get to the point where I can do more? Like many people out there I struggle to get out of bed every day but force myself to. I have been doing yoga and meditation consistently to try to balance things out. I know I need to get back into therapy and get into a DBT program to really get a grasp on this but that's hard when it is all too expensive. I've been off my meds and out of therapy for months because I can't afford it. I got in trouble with my provider because I was just charging the visits because i couldn't afford the copay near the end and haven't paid my debt that is due. debt keeps piling up around me since I left my job because I couldn't work in my line of work with this without wanting to/trying to kill myself every day. Getting a job is the solution to my financial problem. I have been trying to find a job but it is hard when you're depressed, have no self-esteem, been unemployed for 4months(+2 month disability before that), and can't get through having a breakdown because I forgot which way to turn the kitchen sink to get it to put out hot water. I have tried applying to lower stress jobs then my old line of work but I get radio silence. The only jobs that reach out are recruiters that only reaching out for work that I used to do which my own experiences working in that position at multiple companies are that it is not good for me and my mental health. I've been learning to program and am in a coding boot camp and would love to be able to get a job in that line but I know that this illness is going to get in the way because of where I'm at. IDK how many more days I can go on living off of my wife's small income and praying that her sister and her sisters husband don't kick us out when the day comes that we can't afford to pay the rent or they kick me out because of one of my tantrums or the cops show up again because someone at my boot camp catches my twitter and sees something that looks like me talking about suicide. I keep thinking if I had a support group besides my wife and my uncle (who each of them have their own shit going on and I can tell my shit is starting to push them to the edge even more) I might be able to a little better. It's probably not even true though. My friends don't talk to me since I told them I have BPD and the people that are forced to be around me are scared of me. My wife's sister and her husband and I used to be close years ago before the illness starting to really take its course and it is just getting worse and worse. No one talks to me without fear or pity. I've at least gotten to the point where I won't self-harm by hitting myself in the head because I'm terrified I've given myself CTE. Coping skills are really hard for me because the obvious ones make me feel stupid for not doing them which spirals me worse. The only ones that ever make me feel like anything is working are the unhealthy ones and going down those rodes makes me think I should just kill myself without even trying anything else. I know I can't kill myself and won't kill myself. I know that everyone on the planet is going through mental problems or worse problems than me too and it just sucks knowing that I am doing everything wrong and I have no right to feel this way or do anything that I do. I hate that I am a white man who has never seen a day of action anywhere and never been through real problems and I have this shit and act this way. I just wish everything wasn't so hard and I wasn't this monster that I have turned into. Every day I am losing the person part of me more and more and becoming this monster more and more. I'm not sure when I am supposed to go be on my own and die crazy, homeless, and alone but every breath I take that day is coming closer.",6.882516636418639,5.246395558109839,7.064188008335012,81.11606019358743,65.32183908045978,9.519244471331586,32.610371714727435,7.7627490962704995,2.134925415070242,2994,94,625,25,38,970,299,783,0.21100000000000002,0.731,0.059000000000000004,-0.9993,16,1,1,0,0,5,40.0,2,0,6,9,30,35,11,4,32,0,74,12,5,7,7,120,137,52,6,12,25,8,8,3,1,5,4,0,3,2,45,52,2,3,13,3,6,15,25,25,0,5,17,12,95,10,97,107,14,92,1,3,4,1,32,47,4,7,29,441,140,18,0.09441801404486616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041847936296897766,0.0,0.0,0.04889429378365658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654697093412568,0.08405205028135691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03630081236215544,0.0,0.28778172502713995,0.05213863923296648,0.08034277573685081,0.0,0.0,0.04175253031207917,0.0,0.0,0.05945809171511821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133275875733685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21312132818033336,0.0,0.040661048572385984,0.0,0.04899549594830117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03943706763977254,0.0,0.04181316784622088,0.0,0.0,0.0935433116987036,0.04270324961844977,0.159102498096708,0.0451102293074852,0.08485682291483496,0.04617946756615899,0.0,0.05312325778544929,0.07161087726747144,0.033726124049631816,0.0,0.0,0.04314817715522995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03647356171852655,0.0,0.2959770922717465,0.0,0.1609797997370549,0.03959667527424948,0.037757355540705084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16915998999246307,0.04660912072374062,0.04845006100387205,0.05018096687215349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28108593000288445,0.08392306912877097,0.20891908669608514,0.0,0.12972417818667806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05129272426156384,0.0,0.0,0.06919180863632332,0.047315827287623916,0.08337283621982305,0.0,0.0396436760066023,0.05281480326177574,0.0,0.0,0.042607972000439163,0.0,0.0945371363142642,0.09572504674819833,0.0,0.0,0.05243856429311218,0.0,0.09515115080331946,0.050081296073283744,0.0,0.0,0.07536355801021441,0.0,0.0,0.03500488052397819,0.07282099311733363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04953791146028552,0.0,0.15995022468552722,0.10771373147967213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051122754121144746,0.0,0.06545756260204601,0.04122108399570114,0.0,0.0,0.08925554187156988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050899294236143484,0.18069057601922334,0.0,0.04745809127277864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05373418535847768,0.09072989626284923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04031623405152583,0.0,0.0,0.047264451707317995,0.0,0.037619466426135416,0.0,0.0984985804525167,0.0,0.14537810189060246,0.0781035569067487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040000038451089286,0.03634380002927393,0.0,0.0,0.06682955630780757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054077758041612,0.04935310431419712,0.0,0.05163899135064599,0.05357222171701312,0.044493930422994064,0.0,0.07099059609490922,0.113834434797686,0.04126275295882043,0.0,0.1079752276718216,0.0,0.031363566555977405,0.06049925096763864,0.0463826097063198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0451102293074852,0.0,0.16025908443811968,0.10269968646555903,0.0,0.0,0.0567866227562653,0.08154684906164485,0.0,0.0,0.027845095485026672,0.14988924950402327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05428802824025775,0.13652339433684382,0.0,0.2062123162133476,0.0,0.19244004533665107,0.03353592409615421,0.051615638184951206,0.0,0.030401052714352682 bpd,hedgehogtomz,2020/01/24,"FP didn't say it back I've been friends with this guy for years and he quickly became my FP. Very early on in our friendship we would say ""I love you"", and it became an every time occurrence after every phone call. But tonight, I said it... and he didnt say it back. Just this awkward silence and then hung up. I know to most people this must sound insanely stupid and miniscule of a problem, but I'm literally crying so hard right now and I needed to get it out.",1.696198830409358,3.677731157894741,3.0592982456140376,91.92953216374272,79.52631578947368,5.485380116959064,22.13450292397661,6.42735559955562,0.3523099415204678,360,11,77,3,9,117,69,95,0.122,0.81,0.068,-0.6456,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,1,0,0,6,5,1,1,2,0,5,1,0,0,1,18,11,10,0,4,3,0,1,0,1,2,0,5,0,1,8,9,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,6,8,2,10,5,1,15,0,0,0,1,14,5,0,1,10,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32468098104295634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21558010213646386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319086095966783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557603246799417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311304114571135,0.0,0.11030300980400956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20904487948265096,0.0,0.0,0.18912466391946475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602763326187167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905466744289132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565449670441186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463660470617295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020161177863199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802978166606188,0.20082623972453573,0.5036802498373759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310747009277435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419851623467547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997566207461785,0.0,0.0,0.135956235931583 bpd,escarglow,2020/01/24,"How do I move on from a relationship when my self esteem is still tied to it? Ex ended our four month relationship because I had started to develop feelings right as he was realizing that dating someone a month after a five year relationship ended was a bad idea. (Thanks for telling me about that in advance so I could make the best decision for myself btw! Love that I had to learn that info from other people later on!) That was at the beginning of December. The worst part was that he had started drifting away two weeks before but wasn't brave enough to end things, which made everything far worse for me because I spent those two weeks agonizing over what I was personally doing to drive him away and hating myself. We agreed to be friends, but barely talked after this, except for close to a month later when he would text me and I'd reply, but never text first. A month after the breakup, I planned a move to an area that was closer to him just by coincidence. He found out and texted me that we should hang out sometime ""if I'm ready"" and to text him whenever. I figured we'd never see each other because there was no way I was going to text first and get rejected. Well, he texted me first, asking to see my new place. I was still setting up so told him to ask tomorrow, again expecting nothing, but he did text the next day. To make a long story short, we are FWB now, but have only slept together twice in two weeks. And now I feel like he has no interest in me. We were together last Wednesday (so 8 days ago) and after that it's been damn near radio silence. He sent me a picture on snapchat Sunday of a cat he met because he knows I like them (he doesn't), but I was asleep and never responded. Next day, I sent him something and received no response despite the fact he opened it at a decent time. Yesterday, I freaked out about the amount of time I had spent not in contact with him after we had gone a full week of talking every day, and I texted him something arbitrary just to gauge his interest. It was a question regarding if he'd done a thing yet that he mentioned last Wednesday. He replied ""Yeah"", exactly like that, which I took as a sign of disinterest and frankly annoyance. Cried about the fact I'm hated. Moved on. Today, I attempted to ask him over to cash in on the B part of FWB. Was told no. Cried again; this time I went out in the rainy night and walked to my friend's place that's nearby while scream-crying that I want to die. There were people there to give me attention and calm me down and I felt a lot better overall, but really I feel pretty empty. And ugly. And worthless. For me, sex validates me, it's the only thing that makes me feel vaguely worthwhile or attractive as a person--but I only want it with someone I already trust, not a stranger, because I'm scared. So being rejected by someone that I'm seeing even casually is a huge blow to my ego and makes me hate myself. Clearly this isn't healthy. I need to leave this behind because he already has and is probably seeing someone else who is good enough to date. But all my self esteem is tied to this man and I don't want to meet new people or let them get to know me or form opinions about me. I don't want new people, I just want the people I already have to love me. Any specific skill I can work on to get over my situation?",5.580713790713794,5.526924066066068,6.07690690690691,81.91003118503119,67.34834834834835,9.052991452991453,30.139986139986142,8.69343788997812,2.1374687456687456,2612,87,532,37,39,847,299,666,0.129,0.735,0.136,0.4337,0,2,2,0,0,1,73.0,7,0,2,10,26,31,5,1,32,1,48,5,2,6,8,95,103,43,1,12,19,1,5,3,2,2,0,0,0,4,36,33,0,0,16,2,3,15,14,12,1,9,37,9,75,19,85,58,12,117,0,3,4,3,65,37,1,8,66,358,111,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05148694867581772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922876327979856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039498334862278384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289889352616033,0.0,0.10914151322883762,0.0,0.048496759909844485,0.2124406250457188,0.0,0.049424233748207806,0.0,0.060954375543751764,0.05136956742650423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046374435487671437,0.0,0.1914038748872621,0.14983455211190244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06028083600919223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05943892918431513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04852077443169505,0.0,0.15433251558199187,0.12003023669729862,0.0,0.038363179602034565,0.0,0.048937312556956665,0.0,0.05220112713817312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174737518346524,0.04149440502055009,0.055768651831297665,0.0,0.0,0.1482157468144643,0.0,0.06368485531119028,0.08974934328435487,0.0,0.09103768732403927,0.055718369504211815,0.033009826450787184,0.04871714516850465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720343906210344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556847627472273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384163899432481,0.09469056219534526,0.0,0.061501359615204636,0.0,0.05939365705214335,0.0,0.08512905092310298,0.0,0.0,0.05140150114768236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049379968404145935,0.10484409324289258,0.054959404173819504,0.15508303367183027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18544473093104796,0.1851986565185842,0.0,0.04306770288872768,0.13439124125096366,0.16829035720121752,0.12354355582455664,0.05450682714546861,0.0,0.05573206829747486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252389138208973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579614913039106,0.0,0.2013367004662488,0.101431421659164,0.12136844761276648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059091147265972886,0.06262314421860597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506609331313251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03720936582635323,0.0,0.0,0.18707775623401135,0.0,0.049602442966035665,0.0,0.0,0.058151073017804825,0.0,0.1851380697344129,0.0,0.121186175595846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652875654331525,0.0,0.0,0.19685366677588265,0.08943004278708604,0.05744543126591992,0.0,0.08222269101243189,0.0,0.09277009009448246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336960147628053,0.05076697758143032,0.05347489152995676,0.0,0.0,0.115763008964285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160574393639178,0.0,0.05505575748235085,0.11100131890045123,0.06453219185449739,0.0,0.0,0.17021553609457285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712938712126039,0.04610346876796035,0.1863622592067365,0.0,0.05222346438471815,0.05384339083186802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04228501204086532,0.0,0.05919139397415572,0.041260395506356434,0.0,0.0,0.03740345592407957 bpd,janedoewilde,2020/01/24,Ya know when someone doesn’t do something that you expected them to do and now your whole mind is in deep excruciating pain? it feels like if tinnitus was physical. the lack of control. i can’t describe the pain. it’s so intense and sickening.,2.8114893617021286,5.446739510638301,4.144085106382981,82.09400000000002,79.42553191489361,8.01531914893617,30.676595744680853,8.841846274778883,2.9405097872340424,195,10,37,5,5,64,41,47,0.29600000000000004,0.632,0.07200000000000001,-0.9296,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,1,1,3,4,0,1,2,0,6,2,0,1,0,9,8,5,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,5,1,3,7,2,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433558187899933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479077712109418,0.21870251350612732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16824348857990362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14956182968164186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30910852715558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6514972815133567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593867275326727,0.2356772573411988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34178818269884936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mflomim,2020/01/24,"your childhoods and how you think they contributed to your disorder Hey all, I'm just curious as to how you all think your childhoods effected your mental health. I know a lot of BPDs have experienced trauma in their lives. I've also heard of people with unloving and un-nurturing environments develop BPD as well. I would love to hear what you guys think and what part childhood played in your lives!",5.422477477477479,7.623897283783787,5.165945945945946,79.99234234234235,69.4054054054054,9.257657657657658,28.54954954954956,9.725611199111238,2.8192954954954965,325,12,58,8,6,100,51,74,0.109,0.752,0.139,0.3595,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,8,2,1,5,5,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,3,2,16,10,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,4,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,12,3,10,8,4,5,0,0,0,1,15,2,0,1,3,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18084039104151706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848096096006846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591707503390304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22390959073801012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403713468087799,0.25487102146484913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427809732656825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39936338772594615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922522233446685,0.20409601992383505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278912872212031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244882592477364,0.0,0.15677380750314945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4346952841621165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20332287490650167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606400941218785,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Imbrizzly,2020/01/24,"Does anyone else sometimes not like someone and then realize it's because they're too much like you? I've noticed this a lot. I constantly complain about feeling isolated from ""normal"" people but when I meet people who are too much like me, I just really don't like them.",4.815769230769232,6.573395961538466,5.364615384615386,79.75538461538463,70.15384615384616,8.276923076923078,30.30769230769231,8.841846274778883,2.642253846153846,218,9,38,4,4,70,43,52,0.23600000000000002,0.7390000000000001,0.025,-0.8220000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,3,4,0,1,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,4,2,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,7,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579750375034866,0.2429540713261258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454413414030595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562389059790028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075024144023809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19808056937896287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989332364865778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4633729524460899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20158813151628266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486161021102229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323240127714257,0.0,0.26995892457177884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32877371585549153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190302412608644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20090820301207046,0.0,0.2345144706911468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ladrien_,2020/01/24,"Numbness or emotionless when in a relationship? Hello, new to this group So it's been a good few months since my diagnosis I'm suppose to be talking more about it my next session. But I was curious if this happens to other people with bpd Like when your in a relationship but something triggers you and your feelings for this person seem to disappear and you feel numb and unhappy. Almost like your dead and you have no idea what your doing with this person. but they didnt do anything wrong and then when you leave or attempt to be alone you want them back so badly and are convinced you love them. Which causes some of the relationships to become on and off. How do I avoid this? It's like all the sudden i just feel empty I'm starting a new relationship or atleast I'm trying to with someone i been talking to on tinder so far things are going pretty smoothly but I think my biggest fear is that I will start to feel that numbness or emptiness when I'm with them. I just want to be in a happy healthy relationship this is my first one since an abusive narcissistic one that happened 2 years ago. Any advice?",4.189058283864,5.8698555366972505,4.8377819751753925,83.21820021586616,71.61467889908258,7.147760388559092,27.96114409066379,7.724431198458867,1.6738188882892608,889,33,169,11,17,285,124,218,0.19399999999999998,0.654,0.152,-0.9169,0,2,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,10,4,2,12,14,0,2,8,0,16,4,0,3,1,38,34,25,1,3,11,0,5,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,16,11,0,1,7,0,0,2,2,7,0,3,4,5,25,7,23,26,4,26,0,0,0,1,26,8,0,8,19,124,41,1,0.0,0.13026265338793436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743352316211564,0.09745647158633867,0.0,0.1100904920651497,0.11386619686701882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476396345509763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047245468874296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453819713914232,0.09179652758103916,0.0,0.12142170588552152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384674213012959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129401650980373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237147090411045,0.2223588239788533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093516150465112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062482265822873986,0.0922136812530094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19444174154661115,0.11703472946518105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411052721848932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641213278338047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113553329207075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922646084987796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775422517564284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123642960225688,0.11692399090981798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899835840601908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621956605671594,0.19199328600980173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184999038863667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5901799227363893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008657687715512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18188942509546888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315304303428744,0.08463830784303399,0.0,0.0,0.15563426375991407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17673356350159314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304022141554066,0.07044604889344958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464303519384807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969264422994056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020372857801676,0.0,0.07079869623751865 bpd,GothicChick0005,2020/01/24,Does anyone else feel this way? Im female with BPD and I get incredibly jealous around other girls that I think are prettier than me (which is 99% of girls for me). This only gets amplified to a physically painful amount of jealousy when my FP (boyfriend) is around. I cannot stand the thought of him watching porn or seeing girls that are just so obviously better than me. I know I cannot control him so I try to just let things happen but I get so very scared he will realize hes with a female jabba the hutt and leave. This especially centers around weight for me as I often view the skinniest girls as the prettiest. It makes me feel like a huge piece of shit.,2.802954545454547,4.895214295454551,3.80757575757576,87.35636363636365,76.5,7.127272727272729,23.87878787878788,8.07648339933343,1.2784424242424248,525,17,108,9,12,169,86,132,0.121,0.768,0.111,-0.0681,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,10,6,2,1,7,0,9,4,1,2,1,21,20,10,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,9,7,1,1,6,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,6,17,2,17,17,2,8,0,0,3,1,8,5,1,2,2,70,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236233621019828,0.18115350626102208,0.0,0.4721710916932642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15636610689383146,0.0,0.0,0.22267465601095995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198297342480482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471973662116906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769453942186364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879178428821274,0.1263066616284491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27711365815654593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634453038181334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19097540695967244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716519962472386,0.0,0.0,0.18720671894825588,0.0,0.1807909895429504,0.0,0.08637603249860053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801603281575125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446511883705076,0.18812871733560704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17700863283504292,0.0,0.14088749746446366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18148367416566485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745872080104702,0.11328693462520155,0.0,0.14036023613756254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003626578152027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587933174566506,0.0,0.14033639539327325,0.0,0.21529597372973786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Pigeon_Vee,2020/01/24,"DAE keep asking everyone ""Why did you do that?"" This happens to me a lot when I get angry. My SO will do something stupid/careless/accidental and I will be up in his grill, NEEDING to know WHY. What reason did he have for not paying attention to what he was doing!? What kind of rot sits in his heart to result in him clicking the wrong button, making us rewatch ads on a show?! Shit like that pretty much, yeah.",0.9356097560975628,3.3933401219512227,2.573853658536585,91.21443902439024,86.8048780487805,4.743414634146341,19.175609756097558,6.2581,0.07530829268292694,318,9,64,3,10,104,66,82,0.125,0.7859999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.6398,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,1,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,3,1,10,2,2,3,0,10,17,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,9,2,11,11,2,7,0,0,1,0,8,5,1,1,2,45,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170140079159341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218140397743692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128046403467226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052753803633622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750799757532246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20633141617202413,0.0,0.2417318990768963,0.12757480714123764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340897492305806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19735207444656405,0.0,0.0,0.1549512858944659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17064524190842695,0.17212446223487393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361637901207737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386724729252559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23828227411037656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787081384644485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792286891926805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41892976140084337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538021508003387,0.0,0.0 bpd,aster_petals,2020/01/24,"How to trust? Looking for ways/reassurance on how to let someone in and let myself trust fully when they haven’t given me a reason not to trust them. I recently started seeing someone. He’s the sweetest guy and has shown zero red flags. He’s very caring and is constantly reaffirming his feelings for me. But I still find myself obsessively checking his social media and deep diving into his every move, like I’m afraid of something. The other day, I was watching him browse reddit and caught sight of his username. Almost everyday since, I have secretly been looking at his posts/comment history to see what he’s been up to. I know I’m being irrational, but it’s an impulse I’m having a hard time controlling. I don’t want to ruin this good thing because of how obsessive I’m being. Any advice?",3.674677871148462,6.010457555555559,5.022469654528481,78.51897058823529,74.75163398692808,7.247245564892625,27.26844070961718,8.192908349453996,2.1758519140989727,638,25,107,11,14,212,104,153,0.08,0.8,0.12,0.6019,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,1,5,10,0,3,5,0,13,0,0,5,0,20,28,11,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,5,0,1,2,3,4,0,1,5,9,18,6,16,19,0,16,0,1,7,0,14,6,0,1,9,71,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182743749579285,0.0,0.0,0.17607695054048228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195762726512594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718957390332516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17927916406511868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19001905067059105,0.19721793332960152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340134538825147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481515980239225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890927571836699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607132879455119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748506876991094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410785186310673,0.0,0.0,0.15751684064609095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663629185263722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596137484876657,0.0,0.08590585433721185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953202632104889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18688859605287966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18079135894958584,0.17361939675190965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802411846205742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454555007684899,0.0,0.0,0.17924530116114648,0.2979749375874741,0.1353691391904103,0.0,0.0,0.12445946079631368,0.0,0.14042492709754514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168193475421954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253289733381606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450852541062933,0.10371415766779256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chinacatsunflower_,2020/01/24,"DBT Discord Group or Group Discord Chat? Does a DBT group exist where people talk about DBT-like the skills, helpful tips, just to chat or is there a general discord group just for Borderline Personality Disorder? If one doesn’t exist, would anyone be interested in joining one? There could be specific rooms for specific topics etc. Let me know what you think! I don’t have many people I can relate to and I’d like to have more people to talk to.",4.423428571428573,6.457970670588236,5.1104201680672245,80.05117647058826,71.70588235294117,8.151260504201678,26.26050420168067,8.841846274778883,2.079285714285715,357,12,65,7,7,115,55,85,0.13,0.7809999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.5621,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,6,2,0,0,3,0,11,0,0,0,0,11,13,4,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,9,8,2,3,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,3,1,41,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618971879733679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486474911776227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653633202625069,0.0,0.2026210083356536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582267678887372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155195457634678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724757133798606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23676392811401126,0.0,0.2262361503852899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23474382118256334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137931249317206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4815591809817634,0.20217059378182892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3722039475117014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836059979352986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16447839382993693,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,quietisviolent-,2020/01/24,"I’ll never be enough. I don’t know what else I can do, but I know I’m just never going to be enough. Maybe I’m just too much. Expect too much. But all I know is, I am not enough .",-3.2785271317829485,-1.7427457906976718,0.10267441860465176,107.09106589147288,99.93023255813955,2.8666666666666667,7.166666666666668,3.1291,-2.642547286821705,133,0,39,0,6,47,24,43,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,12,13,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,11,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,29,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19216321456175986,0.0,0.0,0.7130573367341462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307331640355163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792606790307245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310992597584039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33820172791065256,0.0,0.354831557275675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fckbpd,2020/01/24,"I think it's not me, my mom is the crazy one I have to rant, I don't know where I should do it, but I just feel like a volcano who explodes when I hear this woman the next time and I don't want to say it to her face when she's trying to provoke me. I have to live at my mom's appartement and I was 2 weeks clean till yesterday. Yesterday after she said I had a good childhood the hatred towards her overwhelmed me. I decided ""fuck it, if that woman would have treated me better in my life I probably wouldn't have bpd and a drug ""addiction"", her house isn't the place I want to be clean. How can a single mother be so cold to her only child and put so much love in her cat ? It's just crazy how much this woman is talking to it. Don't get me wrong, I like animals too but it feels like this is just sick. I can't talk to her normally because when the cat enters the room she immediately stops listening or talking to me, instead she is totally focused on the cat. Starts talking to her (loud) and nonstop. Repeats herself over and over again. She doesn't care which time it is. She even talks to the cat if the cat is outside and she is in her house in the first floor and the windows are closed. This drives me crazy, I have my limits. She escorts the thing to the toilet (today I found the 4th cat toilet in the appartement) talking to her ""pipi making. nice cat. nice pipi making."" She escorts the cat in the bed and is doing her best to not interrupt the cat afterwards. Sometimes she leaves conversations because she thinks she has to accompany the cat to the bed. She brings the cat always in the guest bed (in which I'm sleeping for the last week). Today she forbade me to go outside to smoke a cigarette and I should go into the kitchen because I shouldn't wake up the cat. Once, she even said the cat is something like my little sister. When I was a kid, we lived at places best for the cat which meant less cars which could harm the cat and living in places where I didn't have the opportunity to see friends outside of school (pre Internet). She was working all day and there were no other kids reachable. It is incredible how much love, thoughts and time she invests in her cat compared to what I received in my childhood. I was always alone, she always had bad mood, she never had time for me or tried to make my life a little bit better. She always just cared for her cat and the previous ones she had. Maybe she was thinking that the cats had it good in my childhood, I would have accepted that. She probably achieved to sacrifice my childhood for a better life for the cats. In her appartement she has more pictures from the cats she had in my childhood then sth remembering my childhood. (besides a cat I handcrafted in kindergarten, at least she kept that lmao)",4.505770294531517,5.214826640933573,4.983415012858462,86.14687660730749,69.84380610412926,7.960580328982482,28.33951186374885,8.00916892397051,1.6319480712310153,2177,74,455,27,37,694,229,557,0.08800000000000001,0.7609999999999999,0.151,0.9925,0,1,4,0,0,0,59.0,1,0,0,10,21,27,1,1,42,0,51,13,3,7,3,64,82,31,0,12,12,4,2,4,2,6,6,6,8,6,26,17,1,3,12,0,1,8,13,5,0,3,19,10,86,21,57,54,12,75,1,1,1,3,69,34,1,4,37,322,112,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201495198816545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791858222905403,0.0,0.0,0.2503991561800643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281631844627437,0.13758380950196802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579045475189721,0.19961212534049888,0.08213482782460195,0.0,0.0947531879483995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534098852975736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06006733878253265,0.0,0.0,0.0485189884706379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724626444954521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938122509515702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760800166654659,0.10749277949104616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399305553579075,0.0,0.08248897779706257,0.05812474213302666,0.06955159205610953,0.03930607851046948,0.0,0.08551316723194048,0.12620355299558728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479293178807605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361730205130627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04134602737022783,0.061324844379058566,0.0,0.07966076491809743,0.0,0.0,0.15941763967997818,0.14701995437099274,0.15080623499991264,0.19929605354587987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580123621865986,0.0,0.15065560947041454,0.0,0.07558154731698105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762236967619334,0.0,0.0,0.16591448579813672,0.0,0.058024240674388924,0.0,0.0800110291809937,0.0,0.07371225613543936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012056967767489,0.1019595030034432,0.05721800094324087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23580706428882195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16222755403271366,0.0,0.0,0.07562983123621682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522419557749324,0.0,0.1431274080299489,0.05982821163707153,0.0,0.07613969847682257,0.05995087077252707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528721962811281,0.0,0.0,0.057917952218053174,0.07440724927586535,0.0,0.053250224878405764,0.0,0.0,0.06289806251911231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628160704203161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04998138740895774,0.14461858930337493,0.0,0.05972650895021301,0.17547560645134694,0.0,0.1426239608889902,0.0,0.0,0.10215638417028124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874861233607342,0.0,0.12069456848725615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054770438000423104,0.0,0.0,0.10688656925389327,0.0822553520460818,0.0,0.0 bpd,periwinklexoxo,2020/01/24,"Feeling left out by friends Has anyone felt left out by the people around them and confronted them about it? They say they like me and consider me a good friend but they don’t invite me to their group gatherings (I know everyone else there too). So it’s been bugging me and then I ask them about it and they all tell me they like me and care about me and didn’t mean to. I asked them what did I do wrong for them to leave me out and they said I didn’t do anything wrong. So what the hell? But what the hell! Why am I always “forgotten?” Why do people tell me they like me and I’m their friend and don’t actually treat me like a friend? No matter what I do, no matter how good of a friend or person I am, no matter what... I just keep getting neglected and abandoned over and over again. And it hurts so much. I don’t want to keep trying to form connections because this constantly happens all the time. I had the courage to confront them, but now it’s awkward and they prob don’t like me now and if anything, I’ll get pity invites which I don’t want. I just want people to want to love me... is that so hard to ask from someone who supposedly doesn’t do anything wrong? 😢",1.670916512059371,3.429824375510204,2.7686920222634512,95.04750927643784,78.71428571428572,6.0871985157699475,21.34044526901669,6.980632752743323,0.28406122448979604,912,25,211,10,22,291,110,245,0.2,0.568,0.231,0.5414,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,16,0,16,28,4,1,8,0,20,1,0,1,2,43,40,25,0,5,7,0,3,5,5,0,0,2,0,1,14,18,0,4,4,0,0,0,11,12,0,0,7,5,42,16,23,33,4,14,2,4,0,1,33,8,2,2,11,146,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.1015148204436116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865583493686526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273772062874836,0.0,0.2568147425998623,0.09260560564117118,0.29175209693639176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341356540236688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606191051732873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241564882292523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690076021388901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940174193605254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05259890458869372,0.0,0.09988171658442664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018529305981681,0.0,0.10869906521807296,0.0,0.0,0.17450492083770092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919902563672696,0.0,0.09318727664030044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136247858094707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18492699744790198,0.0,0.0,0.05717022272302665,0.0,0.0,0.11014900251175457,0.22605010963218736,0.0,0.0,0.2541103725896047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388794298377544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331531299476212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764714186534406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163565507896432,0.09083189370941938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895298672314262,0.08272601751516005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814128326515959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18184742503639525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065866626950379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062713889411659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454300089428355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18773540247703704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34120981596565536,0.0,0.0 bpd,taliforniaa,2020/01/24,"Bpd in relationships?? I literally love my boyfriend so much and I feel like I am going to actually die whenever he leaves me. I know it can sound pretty ridiculous and he doesn't quite understand my ""splitting"" (sometimes I'm obsessed and can't be alone/other times can't stand him and need him to leave) but he's so caring and understanding just as a person, sometimes it physically hurts when he is isn't here and I literally forget who I am without him. I've only been diagnosed BPD for a few years, but is there anything I can do to not be so hot and cold emotionally towards him?",3.2912068965517283,5.269349155172417,5.0064137931034525,79.82996551724139,74.6896551724138,8.088275862068969,27.97931034482759,8.841846274778883,2.2917613793103455,466,19,91,10,10,158,76,116,0.105,0.785,0.11,0.3847,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,1,1,2,0,14,2,0,0,0,18,23,14,1,1,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,1,4,14,3,8,20,2,7,0,1,0,1,12,2,0,0,4,60,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.16231984597768376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368802744973365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189884910687187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959053765784485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688274390494882,0.1726304050834725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18710550139751628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410442981745865,0.11883040152765832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453252624209713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806602318715908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141386160522487,0.0,0.0,0.3522514061330571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126331970017721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012464562012667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122276026724752,0.12333596359814862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650594875094104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523809363347134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16922341103259564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17691870632402149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785825091292131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32902092028446034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699180201522188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463230799836892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16034187368711378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711486726413418 bpd,bee-atrice,2020/01/24,"Trying to make communication easier Hope everyone is having a nice day so far. As ive been trying to be more open about my struggles with BPD, ive hit a bit of a roadblock with trying to talk about what im going through. Either i feel the way im explaining is stupid or doesnt make sense. So im trying to round up some terms to make it easier to explain my issues or why i do things, so that it makes it less stressful to communicate my needs? I know about splitting and favorite person, but are there any other terminologies im missing out on? Even trying to google this brought no results ( damn cant even google things right either lmao) And we all know the symptoms of BPD, but are there any other things recognized with this? Such as, is sensory overload something people with BPD usually struggle with? And things such as that.",4.519519427402867,5.9371950981595125,5.1271319018404915,82.49699642126791,70.41104294478528,7.887321063394682,27.080265848670763,8.344100000000001,1.7860106339468298,663,22,127,10,12,213,96,163,0.133,0.81,0.057,-0.9276,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,0,12,8,2,3,5,0,13,1,0,5,1,31,28,13,0,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,14,11,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,2,2,9,2,25,24,8,12,0,1,1,0,5,6,1,4,3,87,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503596973032938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069527132397274,0.0,0.4177129981692593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129755589594464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603846194191394,0.0,0.0,0.10563815391416413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589893165284222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282983232686487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098040995261727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4776649559603395,0.1153886364845442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215141036704848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951800130445785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197366790874071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664354825008153,0.09653063800595696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944116800857818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851091204868024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126638117673785,0.2311480526577531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490692393039463,0.0,0.08885833456178323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937860722058187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37529123854859203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175853923905144,0.0,0.0,0.08775184615697132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975691047127316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ParalyzedMind13,2020/01/25,"Straight guys who are BPD I always wanted to be a “guys guy” and just have a solid circle of bros to be a part of. I realize now that in almost every hangout I never felt so uncomfortable. I always felt odd, The “guy code” that everyone seemed to naturally pick up on I was over analyzing in my head, when to speak, what to say, how to say it. Is this a BPD thing? Not being able to relate to your gender.",4.29607142857143,4.067500273809525,6.273904761904763,80.00442857142859,70.07142857142857,9.100952380952384,25.13333333333333,8.841846274778883,1.558364761904762,309,7,67,5,5,109,60,84,0.071,0.8859999999999999,0.044000000000000004,-0.4882,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,0,7,1,1,2,1,12,11,4,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,7,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,7,0,15,5,1,9,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,2,3,50,14,0,0.1599586098804551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601754418219508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661967548752163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029245390556719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477202778255726,0.15284730661640608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071707006900185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6335366897538841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641636817974147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233699410753094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17321958664779313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544110136908529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562031080992754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626939271998093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434773249216813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chelseamarie613,2020/01/25,"When family isn’t supportive Does anyone have any advice on what to do when family members shun you after you tell them about about your illness? Seems that my mother has googled borderline and everything about it and determined that my BPD is the reason for family dysfunction and that I have an inability to foster healthy relationships. She continuously puts the blame on me for anything that happens in my family which is pretty dysfunctional(divorced parents, alcoholic dad, mother obviously with issues). She pins my siblings against me and has turned me into the family scapegoat, all of which aren’t good for my mental health either.",12.242201834862385,11.27025175229358,11.099155963302753,54.315339449541284,54.41284403669725,14.591559633027526,41.06605504587157,13.348371206891418,5.889134311926607,527,21,74,16,5,168,75,109,0.10800000000000001,0.782,0.109,0.0258,2,0,1,0,1,0,9.0,0,3,1,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,9,3,0,1,2,11,13,6,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,6,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,15,2,16,13,2,9,0,0,0,0,12,4,0,1,4,60,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14837390343667686,0.0,0.16226817172497268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032547455182186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616835028072458,0.0,0.1249493720447986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19123408776497164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287406938008087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646180572446867,0.0,0.7156946778993065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735413896022402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342694502383665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139622288820468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847896091295002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530165449207763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685976383284142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544733820957753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263868263886715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611429714551978,0.0,0.16301671264046075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822720930849264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723034603714146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271271736332954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651556608063497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ShannonACF,2020/01/25,Help I want to die. I don't know what to do anymore. I wanna die so badly. I've tried everything not to feel this way but I've gave up tonight.,-2.43,-0.6842218787878771,0.5718787878787914,102.7178181818182,101.12121212121212,3.852121212121212,15.690909090909093,5.6839178017228535,-0.8796618181818183,110,3,29,1,5,38,24,33,0.228,0.679,0.09300000000000001,-0.6592,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,5,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262073712977205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746404510415731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6827489515383891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956185346971221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631546235971115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204729512841289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18076977267377686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233199598389252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19400976946889611,0.2610870804678941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SinisterAF,2020/01/25,"Why does coming back always hurt so much? I always think it’s better to have my feel on the ground but whenever they are, I just cry in anger and shame",1.4186458333333327,3.2910844062500004,2.5825,95.54583333333336,79.9375,5.5166666666666675,13.791666666666664,6.42735559955562,-0.8405958333333339,119,1,27,1,3,38,30,32,0.375,0.578,0.047,-0.9393,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,1,3,4,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,5,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,1,3,5,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5256180218591598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428659273905454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793399468304037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720731933732852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469417848783544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763987916557665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970112868095146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33811946581694396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321830077315556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20238123800236169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850017115698653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hazzamello,2020/01/25,"How much this reddit helps I don’t think people understand how much this Reddit helps people , on my worst days this reddit has helped me more than you can imagine , because of all of you being honest and open abound how you feel you have helped thousands of people. I love you all and hope everything gets better.",13.357457627118642,8.210518728813561,10.915000000000004,69.35012711864408,56.62711864406779,13.155932203389833,37.974576271186436,8.841846274778883,3.3184169491525424,251,5,45,2,2,75,39,59,0.057,0.684,0.258,0.9246,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,5,0,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,3,2,13,11,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,9,4,5,10,6,3,0,0,0,1,10,2,0,1,1,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367294256313356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19837255085211308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465306891452567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20158376382223625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341134925337418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718597321903206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6013664520242126,0.0,0.0,0.2227776222657352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024368829670009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297683416270449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4664980865425469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372052004259725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335011833727525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jessholmgren,2020/01/25,Does anyone else resent the people who love you for keeping you alive? Things have been so hard and suicide seems like a great option but people love me so i’m staying alive for them because i don’t wanna hurt anyone. does anyone else feel resentment towards the people who love you because they’re the only reason you’re not dead yet? i feel crazy but i also feel like maybe i’m not alone in this?,4.076666666666668,5.4995540000000025,4.3599999999999985,87.55166666666668,71.5,5.833333333333334,22.083333333333336,5.46131890053228,0.2377083333333334,320,7,61,1,6,100,51,80,0.162,0.517,0.322,0.9587,0,1,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,3,1,0,4,9,2,0,4,0,3,3,0,1,0,13,13,6,2,1,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,4,8,6,5,12,0,4,0,1,0,3,9,2,0,2,3,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743574807627542,0.0,0.12156174899801565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188652235280858,0.3115028976435989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853268660052644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660486527415265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25396845993008776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305813451951565,0.10859544455148404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16759074399131368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617043783716867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272905501395274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511281324162866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852809070944853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115828715463129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271373146435885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156098907889167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31615224000681075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629083470925229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838351975038712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202164394563598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16627345655436673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098819680121544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,peacecrafting,2020/01/25,"BPD Workbook and Worksheets Hi all, I bought this BPD [workbook](https://www.newharbinger.com/borderline-personality-disorder-workbook) from New Harbinger Publications a while ago. Here are some free extras from the book. While I wouldn't say that these resources are an adequate substitute for actual CBT/DBT therapy and so forth, I believe that reading through the summaries and doing the corresponding worksheets will help with gaining personal insight on BPD. [Summaries](https://drive.google.com/open?id=1b4aDnFTSp3JUaFRDW9-pTtTKrKzoUdSf) | [Worksheets](https://drive.google.com/open?id=18PjO-205cImFcQcFzsbdjMZh4LPGc2b_)",17.232300000000002,23.45654468000001,9.62091666666667,42.783375000000035,48.86666666666666,12.283333333333333,44.04166666666666,11.20814326018867,7.267566666666667,541,26,47,16,8,137,61,75,0.0,0.84,0.16,0.8767,0,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,0,1,8,6,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,6,3,3,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,4,33,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.20633043501499385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742471077283576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382152737936369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7988863940922851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417206811328602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20420561155471934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18461722200169234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21149260157330896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814190387542696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417947885583364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,OujisamaSenpai,2020/01/25,Was Recently Diagnosed With BPD So this is new. I’ve recently been diagnosed with BPD and was wondering what the hell is it and what might had left me to be diagnosed with this condition. Any advice is amazing~!,3.5875000000000017,6.229834750000002,4.830000000000002,78.24500000000002,76.5,11.0,30.0,10.686352973137794,4.243,170,8,31,7,4,56,28,40,0.114,0.8859999999999999,0.0,-0.7088,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,9,3,0,0,0,7,10,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,1,4,4,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,3,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19409006735274772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506903874558288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5003121993118593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6047881681875474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158022141625064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107054116609161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191829325266296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39222839961338135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153959185578928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yungdeathIillife,2020/01/25,"i cant hold on to one single emotion for more than 10 minutes i was like completely breaking down ab some stuff someone in my life did and i went downstairs to get a blade to cut myself and by the time i got back to my room i couldnt even cry anymore so now im just sitting here holding a razor blade doing nothing bc i went totally numb. and now that im like this i feel like i cant even fully think about what i want to think about. like my brain is blocking out these thoughts and vivid images that im trying to force into my mind as a defense mechanism but some part of me really wants to be able to cry about it and hurt myself",1.9870537491705385,3.2828851970802937,3.4789515593895177,92.30312541473127,76.5912408759124,6.149701393497015,23.40345056403451,6.574015621080383,0.4952832116788321,500,15,113,4,11,165,91,137,0.075,0.815,0.11,0.1807,0,0,0,0,0,3,2.0,0,0,0,0,11,8,2,0,4,0,8,3,1,0,1,24,18,8,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,7,7,0,4,4,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,6,2,16,4,21,10,6,14,0,1,1,0,0,6,0,2,8,77,23,0,0.1502210161574979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897888243706134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155106888351706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676963351046319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575038773667016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300214648270369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897842398118154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19843912880776352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595625940573604,0.10731792395849478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848428079849877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014546957213948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608147047415576,0.0,0.486793426517682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610554627528072,0.2935616021517394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516804031210892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414111648632946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179364829877602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267472156741153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962354295794516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127281779504625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17196712343710452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925111229898893,0.0,0.11925870697871813,0.08759508256684828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199020920446314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720849484402826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785127739559199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,0Jiminie_Crickets,2020/01/25,"How do you all date with bpd I know there are things on how to deal with a bpd partner. but it’s like having bpd automatically ruins your dating life how do you all deal with jealousy, splitting etc.",3.841166666666666,5.205561450000005,4.655000000000001,85.4366666666667,72.0,6.333333333333334,23.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.43733333333333396,158,4,33,1,3,51,30,40,0.154,0.772,0.07400000000000001,-0.5499,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,3,2,10,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,5,5,3,3,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8195998398689209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4472647517607484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241920306828788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921216283266013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321521662169452,0.10597491376369488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411032143536515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kamerfunkel,2020/01/25,"Can i be someone else just for 5 minutes? I am so fucking tired. So fucking tired of who i am. I just want to be someone else for like 5 minutes just to breathe. There are times that i become too much and even i can not deal with it. When i was a child, i would literally cry myself to sleep and beg god for him to make me someone else when i wake up. Someone else. Not me. I would beg god and i would pray and pray and pray. I am torm apart. I either blame myself for everything that had happened to me and want to kill myself or i just accept the fact that i do the things i do because of my disorder and not because i am an awful monster and want to kill myself because i can not live with the regrets. I just want to be at peace with who i am but i can't. I am so mad at myself and i Pitt myself. And I don't want to be myself anymore.",0.35614944356121114,1.8850369837837848,2.5589825119236917,96.09860095389507,81.86486486486487,5.001589825119237,21.152623211446734,5.5289334501034215,-0.16703815580286152,642,19,156,3,17,218,79,185,0.141,0.747,0.11199999999999999,-0.9061,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,0,13,8,5,0,5,1,23,7,3,1,1,37,32,17,2,9,12,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,7,13,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,2,0,36,2,21,23,2,7,3,1,0,2,5,4,2,1,4,123,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354846687664768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278258212118329,0.13758724370003972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684371015801994,0.0,0.12843503616791369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277783500662644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4162776409966245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228297102072284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119631864750744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303417623648063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016441864544647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275655461263642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086279693872431,0.0,0.11000516031580017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315716331258058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915795836606264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466853985668334,0.0,0.4222200747349927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276446678553179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264276641113553,0.28636948154959696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36739834359992973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654911268803982,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aiiqu,2020/01/25,"Does anyone else lie about small things/their identity? I’ve lied about stupid stuff multiple times to the point of where it’s embarrassing and I can’t say the truth. It’s usually to do with my identity and whatever phase I’m going through. I’ve lied about my height, my race, disorders etc. It’s like creating a new identity for myself or something, I don’t know. Why the fuck do I do this? Then I go through phases where I’m like what is wrong with you? Why would I even lie about that? Is this normal to do with BPD? Does anyone else here do this or used to? Thanks for any comments",1.3188846153846183,3.6313336833333367,2.4650000000000034,93.83076923076923,83.0,6.6923076923076925,20.06410256410256,7.882392219407189,0.7179679487179489,462,13,103,9,13,147,71,120,0.151,0.7490000000000001,0.1,-0.8105,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,8,8,2,1,4,0,10,1,0,1,1,12,18,5,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,0,1,10,4,16,17,1,11,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,2,6,59,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682994464392812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402532188517318,0.3520589655989451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163761847020548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19689777400191125,0.0,0.30068681284095106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870338413353798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916025008079624,0.11347233155266835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882640420763722,0.0,0.0,0.19527588747211735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441683017386797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786568077893851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592558635260415,0.0,0.0,0.1683276003025121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240660485891606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366223179596489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226009380837872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966699870539882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817043019834628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001780073428734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838010744588498,0.18921351471638426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100456980755795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204184656902635,0.18783641619264554,0.0,0.0 bpd,-Saraphina-,2020/01/25,"How to go about getting a diagnosis in the UK? I've recently come across BPD and reading the symptoms, I instantly thought ""oh my god, that's me."" I feel like I'm ruining my relationship because of my extreme emotions, jealousy, fear of abandonment and the way I'm acting in general. I feel like I'm so overbearing and I don't want to be. I just care so, so much that I try to do everything I can to avoid losing that person, and it drives them away. I get full on panic attacks when I feel like my boyfriend is going to leave me. I've ended up making him feel trapped in our relationship because of this, which I definitely never wanted him to feel. I know this is so unhealthy and I don't want to be like this anymore. I've never even considered the fact that I could have some sort of personality disorder until now. I don't want to self-diagnose though, so how do you get assessed for BPD in the UK? Would it just be my GP that I need to see, or a counsellor? I feel like there's something wrong with me and I want help to change my behaviour before I completely destroy my relationship.",3.783444570135746,4.911392963800907,5.3878252262443445,81.03612697963803,71.85067873303169,8.96391402714932,30.102092760180998,9.354420925462401,2.6066219457013577,859,36,176,19,16,292,118,221,0.2,0.7,0.1,-0.9637,0,2,1,0,0,0,24.0,1,1,1,1,15,15,2,3,7,0,14,1,0,3,3,38,40,17,0,8,3,0,6,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,11,8,0,2,8,1,0,5,5,9,0,0,1,7,33,6,26,34,3,22,0,3,1,0,11,9,0,3,12,117,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416928893690584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949567941477818,0.09868648573517154,0.0,0.0,0.12806015537636767,0.0,0.08937944498785907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26458290437665144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709305378259464,0.0,0.11111608177651518,0.09048077777238052,0.1101301516141146,0.0,0.0,0.08386414904537898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106611172178616,0.0,0.0,0.12038243714865834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815340526020585,0.093032328071913,0.0,0.0,0.0693764868114671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440121611434728,0.0,0.0,0.11819674521483076,0.3186616547192335,0.30015614685965136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646337707015223,0.0,0.11939082282378913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040463394105183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05772603667967766,0.0,0.0,0.1112198808465098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565808560841216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751044843513685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011355779048511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721488054230545,0.07788420961075758,0.16202327810057576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323924537642475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342993881122796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050662406924958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371217141162202,0.33831391513229586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370154003442397,0.0,0.10957734995082967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086324241536759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917450905192408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319912088219932,0.08338829304050002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131378217878352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097701264687693,0.08337412920731045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461585078132682,0.11484236264814705,0.0,0.0 bpd,april_eleven,2020/01/25,"How to deal with jealousy I know I can’t be the only one here who struggles with feelings of jealousy, but after 5 years of marriage with no major cause for concern, you’d think I would be able to chill a little bit. Nope! I am very possessive of my husband and experience extreme jealousy at thought that he would ever have even an inkling of a positive thought about another woman. I want to punish or completely shut him out because of retroactive jealousy or my perception that he could be showing another woman attention. I feel incredibly stupid for believing he could be loyal - even though he is. Any time I’m reminded of his past — literally even a decade before he knew me — I become enraged as if it’s in the present. The splitting is intense and frequent until of course I throw a fit or get a lot of attention or get drunk/distracted. Then I’m fine until I get triggered again, but every single time I even make up a situation in my own head, it fires me up just as bad as if i were being cheated on right now. How do I cope with this? For the record I was pretty much traumatized by my own parents’ infidelity and constant lies my entire adolescence, and I was cheated on pretty horrifically in the past. I have no basis for trust nor do I know how to manage my feelings; the recommendation from non-bpd friends that I should just live in the moment and not worry is obviously not really even enough to scratch the surface of my internal frustration. Any advice from fellow borderlines would be welcome <3",8.627935960591131,7.364842010344829,8.764433497536945,69.12034482758621,61.6551724137931,11.733990147783251,39.67980295566503,10.7630783206399,4.2920492610837435,1213,55,215,25,14,400,171,290,0.18100000000000002,0.687,0.132,-0.9545,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,0,16,13,6,1,15,0,25,1,1,6,2,50,41,24,0,9,12,2,5,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,7,10,0,0,12,1,0,1,7,8,0,1,6,5,29,5,42,22,8,32,0,0,0,0,18,15,0,7,16,159,36,1,0.11657024850940988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139110977100388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585435327010956,0.2444681390186417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733128836282412,0.07106014152540717,0.1287426810193503,0.09919269567701444,0.13133475163471198,0.0,0.0,0.1272645199426103,0.0,0.14681614726259914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974975597195238,0.0,0.0,0.1222216877203278,0.1259710262991991,0.0,0.1861437160546261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017880763076624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044822790183253,0.0,0.3849677487013393,0.10544446354943683,0.09821546200277026,0.0,0.0,0.1140280711191698,0.0,0.0,0.1768242605712779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006188483336608,0.0,0.1827094307597652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196347054881637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812792001080864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683401310952568,0.10293366509976436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991038566911652,0.0,0.0,0.07781154606284542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569254539911626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899101725171975,0.0886569268479825,0.0,0.0,0.1294374658108672,0.0,0.22255898480157466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371877009897735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467788614693484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955035529801924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310298434265295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186453385649455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746935083444943,0.11452967730101615,0.1850875125867158,0.1359460986778863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618266324429378,0.0687561528018455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838274581582328,0.0,0.24842447993179104,0.0,0.0,0.07506741813433543 bpd,hotsauceshots,2020/01/25,"Can’t stop thinking about an ex I broke up with who has moved on. I really need to get on with my life. warning for mention of abuse. also sorry for the long post I broke us up almost a year ago after he came out as trans male and I thought I lost interest, as a guy who has been historically into girls I thought I was preventing him from getting hurt by ending things. We kept in contact awkwardly until April, for some reason then all the emotions hit me and I realized I missed him a lot and I texted him which ended up escalating into a big breakdown that should have never been unleashed onto another person... my childhood trauma from other men had been brought back up and unsolicited I ranted about it to him, and of course he blocked me because no one knows how to handle that, I believe that was the right thing of him to do. I cried harder than I ever have after that, realizing the monster in me just fucked my chances of being forgiven. In July we tried talking again on instagram, after my mom had been diagnosed with cancer and my messy BPD brain was all over the place and I told him I thought I was straight and I don’t know why, because I have since realized it doesn’t fuckin matter what I am and I truly liked him and he brought light into my life, but that doesn’t matter now. He hasn’t talked to me since then understandably, and it is painful that he can’t know how much more self aware I have become, I have changed so much and I am so disgusted with my old insecure and erratic self and I hate that he sees me that way. I want to talk to him about it but I can’t imagine he’d be happy seeing me in his DMs once again trying to explain myself once again after all the confusion I put him through. And now he recently posted updating that he is in a new relationship and I can’t get it out of my head, it’s stupid because *I* broke us up and when we were together it felt too good to be true but now that he is DEFINITELY not available my brain craves him, we thought we were soulmates for a time and my stupid lizard brain still wants it to be true but my rational self has to remind me *he’s not mine*. It’s been too long for my life to still be revolving around this. Everything made me want him before but since that post I literally haven’t been able to sleep for the past week because the memories have been hitting me so intensely, no matter what I try to do I slip into my own head and let the loss and the guilt over what I did eat me alive. It is so hard not to message him explaining everything now that I understand my reactions better but I know I can’t stay attached to him and impact his life over my instability... just because I desperately want closure doesn’t mean he isn’t happy without it. How do I get this to stop weighing on my everyday life? How do I move the fuck on?",3.4489334681496477,4.698145619130437,4.605985844287158,85.85710819009101,72.80869565217391,7.922750252780587,26.415571284125377,8.428315365350997,1.6305009100101118,2221,75,469,37,43,730,255,575,0.14800000000000002,0.7659999999999999,0.085,-0.9881,0,0,0,0,2,0,38.0,7,0,0,3,29,28,7,4,18,0,55,19,6,6,7,100,94,42,0,6,12,2,2,1,0,1,8,0,0,8,34,38,2,5,20,0,0,6,19,20,0,1,28,5,91,8,74,56,9,80,0,7,2,3,56,30,3,4,40,341,125,0,0.07090834182070177,0.0840147900396708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285596665952595,0.0,0.0710044616446782,0.0,0.0,0.05670537533553693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435357901122333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631234576618945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05452413794939026,0.0,0.21612533513232904,0.078312692555483,0.060337776243265175,0.07988941930667137,0.0,0.06271266603513359,0.0,0.0,0.08930657425899292,0.23747148080554395,0.0,0.08110025284508206,0.0,0.0,0.0750116235357071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788948389082054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197047433914294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255693596951995,0.0,0.07976234054640326,0.1256074882844846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414065475600697,0.0,0.0,0.12745569086434402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808312806078487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311072388228822,0.14818672786974413,0.0,0.0,0.059474552895713635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021040659611492,0.0,0.15096649680679106,0.06351994645360934,0.07000730734859295,0.14554483153030115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590884648026955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587748100525944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250858369880955,0.2504232941838068,0.03464223409490202,0.0,0.0,0.12550330231186474,0.0,0.0,0.077404831393255,0.06028373650966115,0.0,0.06709518752272702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723997173545973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304699293935308,0.0,0.15072869117202864,0.10425158011318893,0.05257763698371359,0.05468888457273825,0.06848371838827913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440637667385001,0.15103013968223855,0.048049327540017714,0.0,0.07545147510704826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769003571397775,0.0,0.0619144290155924,0.07408412513139974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037317717644577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128246854523261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045425699482204124,0.07290558515933482,0.07001343310184617,0.0761290224093034,0.0,0.06055533647828195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300953579427114,0.0,0.22191859516115445,0.0,0.0,0.17596833930201167,0.0,0.07095955097714196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937608331682577,0.0,0.0755788577257801,0.11325498674810325,0.11856509765494945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17098031758569068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421670305460103,0.045435202285352465,0.0,0.2251732114679821,0.04134722434543095,0.0,0.0,0.06775595931991166,0.0,0.14442632865136548,0.0,0.0,0.14763616910467262,0.1705880089929066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672943087105492,0.05628374122563766,0.056878394683322724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398374940614501,0.0,0.0,0.06835311114507782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045662647311224734 bpd,TossAFryToYourPug,2020/01/25,"DAE care way too much about what others think of them? And getting anxiety over if they agree or disagree with you? Maybe because growing up you never were able to build confidence in yourself or your identity? I have my codependent, emotionally abusive mother to thank for that...",6.418673469387755,8.903220612244901,5.803826530612245,75.27063775510206,67.36734693877551,8.981632653061224,34.69897959183673,9.516144504307137,3.7236081632653057,226,11,35,5,4,69,46,49,0.13699999999999998,0.643,0.221,0.6416,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,6,4,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,7,2,9,5,1,6,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,3,1,28,10,0,0.316683608143114,0.3752182911627672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422620934283292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930473881730613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228800443580015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35622643471265397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16545411462086795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181512495497474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232798890068156,0.0,0.2442459215251414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915597185935868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029180689744589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25136870773537795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Single-Crow,2020/01/25,"Why do we cause our FP the most grief and pain? They are supposed to be our favourite person. The one we vow to take care of and love better than anyone yet. Yet they are the ones who end up suffering the most. Every guy I've ever been with has told me that I make them feel worse than anyone else ever has in their life. I have a way of getting under someone's skin and I don't know why. I've never figured it out. I think I'm being totally normal. But there's a trend and I'm starting to figure out that maybe I am the problem. I ruin lives. &#x200B; It's caused me to feel a bit suicidal. I don't know how to change my ways, be less overbearing. It's caused men to leave me, cheat on me. etc.",0.4782339955849935,2.3262833576158957,2.32407947019868,96.32991611479031,82.97350993377485,5.086269315673289,18.013686534216333,6.079149491110277,-0.3988069757174393,541,12,127,4,15,179,96,151,0.18,0.754,0.065,-0.9528,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,4,0,4,1,6,9,1,0,8,0,13,4,1,5,4,30,27,6,2,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,6,9,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,6,0,2,2,3,20,3,17,22,6,15,0,3,0,1,14,6,0,2,7,83,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890484961461448,0.16699193400851967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921878600984974,0.1408128048197096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215452603977366,0.1500374641866366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401185756446935,0.4235339841246196,0.14538223124490846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148047464374287,0.0,0.12172178155279098,0.0,0.15327026541329306,0.0,0.2486257745774237,0.11579031508121655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897700985189684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180126266807903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360768516454855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105536263051922,0.0,0.0,0.14551804003294072,0.0,0.0,0.09707054866453167,0.0,0.0,0.12135280200616436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403552582571507,0.0,0.09173528538021168,0.0,0.1380664451255527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599413382507572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346517705455574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862516265698462,0.0,0.14623472049716035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999817377978142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315015099056153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644360361198475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727333604674623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503256114893455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033299110694856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805930033182073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131981527341502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21817034471461946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480175688412464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005244260985916,0.0,0.0,0.16699193400851967,0.0 bpd,Air091,2020/01/25,"How long should symptoms be present to get a diagnosis? So my therapist wants to diagnose me with BPD because I meet enough of the criteria. But for me it feels like I'm being misdiagnosed, which makes me feel extremely misunderstood. In my eyes my symptoms are merely a result of an ongoing (like 1.5 yrs) crisis period in which a lot has happened. My ex has ended his life, my sister got hospitalised for mental illness which re-invoked lot of feelings of emotional neglect. So as a result of that, next to having depression, I guess I'm kind of acting out, stuck in impulsive cycles. I don't have a history with many interpersonal issues or mentalisation problems but I do struggle with it a bit right now. My question is, could they think I have BPD based on my current behaviour even though I've never really shown traits of it before all of that shit happened in the past few years? I've had a history with mental illness for about 7 yrs though but mostly ed/depression related stuff. I'm 23 btw.",6.343035087719301,7.118739636842111,7.291315789473685,70.98837719298248,65.78947368421052,10.754385964912279,33.7280701754386,10.686352973137794,3.839701754385965,801,34,139,21,12,269,123,190,0.138,0.845,0.016,-0.9668,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,0,8,8,1,1,10,0,14,8,2,4,2,29,29,10,0,4,4,2,3,2,0,1,6,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,3,4,17,3,26,22,7,18,0,2,1,0,6,7,1,6,12,94,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015911462418521,0.0,0.11189393226599206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356024379749005,0.0,0.33123076099971244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498934530308804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265156797531928,0.1334662939579954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479159903821021,0.11646696863289092,0.13587115222970494,0.0,0.0868522725464368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19946591531065264,0.0939412064219495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870155283866182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516985365933378,0.0,0.14485834400191916,0.0,0.2325640407589169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372482998171189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693348693383686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287994640126346,0.12848520567710747,0.0,0.0,0.11637036432552972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22358743559117655,0.0,0.0,0.08777501009770122,0.13331692611771429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650353146346285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141829426084736,0.0,0.13984813945480765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255283960205249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258244993950626,0.0,0.0,0.14730630069214518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424009729003562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229738880211952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497938332945775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746881062054955,0.15053216130831767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733506595993809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526777025018034,0.0,0.08425771984887058,0.2583895087616909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756010915895155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467950732437488 bpd,woggin,2020/01/25,i wish i could have a fp but everyone rejects me so i've so thoroughly given up hope that i just dont allow myself to get attached to anyone like that anymore.,1.829901960784316,3.5515265000000014,4.447647058823531,83.36107843137258,78.11764705882355,6.886274509803924,26.03921568627451,7.793537801064563,1.661109803921569,127,5,25,2,3,45,28,34,0.163,0.595,0.242,0.4672,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,7,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,2,3,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691590188016239,0.2602767215344783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972009052781083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4362589182972636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3556883455007053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944784362519644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697152689869418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818561651748728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4280541074986017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Weak-Apartment,2020/01/25,I gained 1 kg after 4 days of using abilify I am very scared of gaining more weight. It is crazy how much I have been eating. It is like I want to eat all the time. It is only 2 mg and the weight gain is insane.,0.2700000000000031,1.3330926666666691,2.8566666666666656,95.955,80.66666666666666,5.633333333333334,16.166666666666668,5.985473137389443,-0.7181833333333336,160,2,41,1,4,56,37,48,0.153,0.609,0.23800000000000002,0.5529999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,2,0,7,4,0,2,1,5,9,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,1,4,8,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16646116049411885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5282268955663271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610069269683033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18974233057542367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963061295873764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584155646901177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505074302300086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22292626157453127,0.0,0.21296978167615094,0.1522413952492611,0.0,0.0,0.6286227935416783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Araceli11,2020/01/25,"I wish I had friends with BPD so I wouldn’t feel so alone. I’ve been having a lot of issues with my romantic relationship and my friendships. My bf used to be the person that would fill the hole inside of me, that stopped because it hurt him. I lost friends because I was “too much”. I wish I knew someone that understood what this was like so I would stop feeling so alone and empty. I know I need to be that person for myself, but that journey is rough. I currently don’t have access to therapy until February and haven’t been able to attend a DBT group yet because of my grad school schedule. So if anyone is also struggling and doesn’t have the time or access to proper mental health resources, maybe we can connect to gain some form of support.",5.592945563012679,5.8130625973154375,5.8344519015659975,82.71970171513797,67.3221476510067,8.23296047725578,30.64951528709918,7.793537801064563,1.954498284862044,593,21,116,6,9,189,94,149,0.105,0.745,0.15,0.7811,1,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,2,8,7,0,1,5,0,19,1,0,1,0,26,30,14,0,7,3,0,3,1,3,3,1,0,0,2,8,7,0,2,5,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,8,3,19,4,14,17,4,10,0,2,0,0,9,0,0,4,8,84,27,2,0.14987546263597262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104515584325888,0.0,0.11985535332147408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047964082531515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740880727874157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18876289855071296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156307432506252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315868213007854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593106082894434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044478254985686,0.0,0.0,0.1564310441243055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236763468276685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322158054190016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636067720305455,0.1274187587358409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505700468491962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103921525204025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017570992919258,0.11113075647948226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26173094601529234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091015754492718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168196965667474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269889931272002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25060519548529125,0.0,0.15668237499883952,0.0,0.0,0.17007689889471495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139565330032114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739358752957907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294442787560876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34469877090348666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21293445703899624,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mybusinesss,2020/01/25,"Help me with my boyfriend I’m living with my boyfriend and our relationship is practically perfect! We have sex every day and I have a lot of pleasure with him, but I can't reach orgasm... Before him I already had two other boyfriends in which we were also sexually active, I didn't take as much pleasure as now, but still I couldn't reach orgasm. The only times I managed to have it was with myself, alone. The problem is I pretend to have orgasms with him, because he, at the beginning of our relationship, he told me about the experiences that he had with other girls and that they were difficult to have orgasms and that he got tired of working to give them one, so to he doesn't get tired of me I started pretending to have orgasms with him... I don't know what to do, I tried everything to try to have some but I can't, and I also can't tell him the truth, please help me to have orgasms in sex without having to tell him..",7.320332739156271,5.697195245989307,7.531515151515155,78.0728282828283,64.45454545454545,10.236244800950683,35.21628045157457,8.841846274778883,2.7800070112893644,729,27,150,9,9,238,94,187,0.106,0.759,0.135,0.7697,0,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,4,0,2,2,6,6,0,0,6,0,24,10,6,0,2,25,33,13,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,8,14,0,0,1,2,0,0,8,2,0,2,8,0,31,4,29,24,3,9,0,0,0,8,26,3,0,2,6,116,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677201339909416,0.17870389262403266,0.2590053793912488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871661035797574,0.0,0.13779829985286526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443736288063536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644072873383556,0.0,0.14554047730288494,0.1584075745545475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460652858203896,0.1553468006680535,0.0,0.0,0.1295175416266558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21708881410391626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899752860161789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299524729680846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767488490656174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190439173516582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973416748727026,0.12316203029315173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17776057094045133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495390809271933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34772411283995963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146213726707642,0.0,0.1293248243092931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175809657685327,0.0,0.28308393145875704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944280278985479,0.37225049002143773,0.0,0.154739809461007,0.0,0.2198921226608372,0.0,0.1581910310224869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561035737789059,0.0,0.11789363894185742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,queenoffinessing,2020/01/25,"How to cope with ups and downs? Newly diagnosed. still learning everything. My mood constantly changed multiple times a day. I’m suddenly manic and crash into depression, just to be happy at a later time. Constant. At least 10 times a day. Just wondering if anyone has coping mechanisms to pull one out of depressed mindset? Thanks for reading.",3.5693333333333332,6.8084186,4.31666666666667,75.98833333333334,88.0,8.0,30.0,8.515128840125781,3.666,276,14,40,8,9,88,51,60,0.149,0.754,0.098,-0.5362,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,11,5,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,12,4,1,17,0,2,0,0,0,6,0,2,10,27,1,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523561796825892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305023983809701,0.0,0.0,0.4709308634681411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810465230389842,0.0,0.3753426508445533,0.22115728424264314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19582859993391466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319516492838857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765025360762551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21795243389882685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17401000567342748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200607031189401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38116630178579297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23629617223484206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,intoxxikatie,2020/01/25,"BPD Book Search Does anyone have the e-books or PDFs for the books: ———————- The Borderline Personality Disorder Woorkbook I Hate You- Don’t Leave Me The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide Stop Walking on Eggshells (taking your life back when someone you care about has borderline personality disorder). ———————- I’d love to have them but can’t afford to buy them all. :) thanks in advance",4.573484848484849,8.049314833333334,4.791212121212123,73.77348484848488,82.48484848484848,8.387878787878789,30.06060606060606,8.841846274778883,3.5097696969696965,313,15,49,9,9,98,51,66,0.115,0.721,0.16399999999999998,0.7783,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,2,2,3,4,1,0,4,0,5,2,0,0,1,4,10,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,6,10,1,7,0,0,0,1,9,2,0,1,3,27,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289686630123232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182729325969834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323027960424794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18805459777559053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6341719653412924,0.0,0.16140960118193476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18210185952626806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19530127509202466,0.0,0.0,0.13027939301391064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16646936933034753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4831523914684504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628017156211646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15420479358226458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386801484025474,0.0,0.0,0.16981274180849687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kakyocherry,2020/01/25,"Afraid of ""losing"" your feelings towards your partner. Hello, it's the first time I post here... And I am so scared to do it. I don't know how to describe this properly. I am with a wonderful man and we have been for a year and half together, long distance relationship. No memorable arguments or anything, Idk even how my bpd stayed quiet all this time (some stupid things here and there but nothing serious) but there is something that ALWAYS happens to me, with my past relationships and now this one (which were hell compared to this one...) like I start to doubt about everything. What if I don't love him, what if I get overwhelmed at his home and I don't love him. Idk. Things like that all the time... Its like my mind is trying to deceive me... And hurts me a lot. I know I love my boyfriend, then what's happening...? All these thoughts hurt me so much... And I'm afraid to talk to anyone about this because maybe they say ""you're right you don't love him"" and that would kill me inside. When this starts to happen mostly I don't feel myself. Or I feel like everything is a dream, nothing is real, I'm afraid that my feelings are a lie... It's true I've been really stressed out lately. I have cystic fibrosis and diabetes as well, so I have so many thing to worry about everyday... And the depression. I would like to know if anyone else has experienced this or I'm stupid and I don't love my partners and I just lie to them and I cannot be with anyone. I've been with him like in heaven, I love him, to be someone with bpd it's incredible I am not in a toxic relationship... So why then... Thank you for reading...",1.0051773279352254,3.408847270769233,2.4138340080971687,92.98977125506077,85.52307692307693,5.759514170040486,20.55263157894737,7.1686216300943375,0.5260153846153841,1253,39,270,19,38,404,158,325,0.226,0.6659999999999999,0.10800000000000001,-0.9938,0,0,1,0,0,1,66.0,1,4,2,2,19,32,4,7,9,0,28,7,0,2,4,55,53,33,1,5,10,0,4,6,2,2,1,2,1,3,24,21,0,0,10,2,0,0,9,16,1,4,5,7,45,16,30,44,7,23,2,5,0,6,28,6,1,11,21,189,69,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275720521842895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342054713984124,0.08959276162080802,0.07195578884742099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053302700724595545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220255602960724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531206865195267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304502096719948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05775339102107484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571711280778127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768494581210254,0.062467256968752036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437654256029058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045683866737336765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23196909400746504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770959474141023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18721296713361735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673956496687773,0.0,0.1441644505948354,0.0,0.09863629204155244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25631302807623463,0.0,0.0,0.07738177663185374,0.0,0.09782315579022027,0.0,0.07433848428198885,0.4735088678352675,0.0,0.0,0.08865058262796115,0.08784537827936663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828961993854315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427856747378942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16780235455908935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850341026957745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347151234005487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374348809996042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746380741818016,0.09952602794957764,0.05601639583861888,0.0,0.0,0.28163397609918595,0.0,0.07467340595684338,0.0,0.06953591279356833,0.08754283907463825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408775099703267,0.06731569546232448,0.0,0.0,0.1237811691863558,0.09319956015331199,0.0,0.0,0.10016239052279273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028107627522577,0.0,0.08050313744524362,0.0,0.0,0.17427404067769114,0.0,0.0,0.06941770787032635,0.15296115495167215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059366118647021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861919138021206,0.0,0.07890113030351309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482510716808563,0.0,0.08879971156433095,0.0,0.12422994027514993,0.0,0.0,0.056308586460553485 bpd,b3c6d1w7,2020/01/25,Diagnosed BPD think I have NPD Right my self esteem has never been lower because my FP left. This has me wondering whether I have NPD as I can’t seem to function without human contact and as I have no friends I’ve started to become suicidal. What are my options? I feel obsessed by how bad I feel and like I’m only feeling this bad to get a reaction out of someone and that’s making me feel even worse. I really want to kill myself but I know I’m too pussy. Does that make me a narcissist? Will I ever have friends? I mean... I am JUST an INSUFFERABLE DISGUSTING ANNOYING UGLY FAT WORTHLESS NASTY SELFISH CUNT. Why can’t I just pull myself together and kill myself?!? UGH.,1.3866044776119428,3.922513537313435,3.3508768656716437,85.95527052238809,85.26865671641791,6.335074626865673,25.53917910447761,7.645422480735847,1.730822388059702,530,23,101,10,16,178,90,134,0.387,0.542,0.07,-0.9961,1,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,0,6,14,5,1,3,0,12,2,1,3,2,26,28,9,3,1,5,0,4,1,2,1,2,0,0,2,5,5,1,0,9,0,0,1,5,11,0,0,1,4,21,3,10,26,0,7,0,1,0,0,5,3,1,3,4,65,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736970558351983,0.099911096677546,0.18101318367416616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20642461396919268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635368119207933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434288143858994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825351352413126,0.14825571362017334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314883311259359,0.11708922935130416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25325538309915124,0.0,0.08563028072031736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626591484693593,0.0,0.09007441252221338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807636437193902,0.0,0.0,0.08007260226254245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188072450864634,0.0,0.0,0.17853367997572794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264087440370768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246523099911902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049976729899065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996855281956128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920717668605352,0.17098203844014678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887079551057124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160083090849006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792785228693306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501963791788403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966716710985603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789304013791632,0.0,0.0,0.15799245127012804,0.17774109605965285,0.0,0.0,0.16702672809095367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,eurospleen,2020/01/25,How do I get over my FP? I'm trying to go no contact but it's nearly impossible since we're friends and it would be rude from me to disappear out of the blue but at the same time I don't know if I'll able to talk to him about my issues since I'm afraid he's going to think I'm just crazy.,2.6219565217391287,1.7426337681159438,4.647644927536233,92.46538043478265,73.63768115942028,8.059420289855073,23.047101449275363,7.1686216300943375,0.3836927536231882,226,4,62,2,4,79,51,69,0.16,0.78,0.06,-0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,11,12,5,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,1,6,1,12,10,1,8,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,1,1,34,8,0,0.32186856904737043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486748580164913,0.0,0.16816304269197255,0.0,0.36585065050741017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359471620058998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689054795815196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5325060128280037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25870576363557546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062403825623612,0.0,0.0,0.18768415100998825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185276303753987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22864619659085705,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,huhubels1,2020/01/25,"DAE get triggered into an episode by literary anything i went out with my boyfriend today to bring my dog to his daycare, and i usually bring the ppl there some snacks, so we stopped by the store to pick something up. i told my boyfriend (who's so fucking loving and perfect) that he can chill in the car while i go to buy something because i couldn't leave my dog alone. and literally nothing even happens. the people at the store were just so slow and inefficient, and i usually don't even care, but this one time i had to try really hard not to blow up at them. i take a little longer than i expected to buy stuff, but i leave without anything in particular happening. i only realize i'm still wildly annoyed when i get back in the car. my bf doesn't really react when i get in, and it irks me even though i immediately started complaining about what happened. i immediately go quiet and start shutting down for some fucking reason, even when he puts his hand on my lap while i'm driving about 30 seconds later. he didn't do anything wrong, but i can barely have him touch me. i want him to let go and leave me tf alone, but since i can grasp that there's no reason for me to be mad at him, i suppress it. and i go quiet the whole ride. it's at this point that i realize i'm having an episode for no fucking reason. i start feeling guilty that he has to deal with me being like this even though we were just having a perfectly nice day, and it sends my thought in a spiral on self-hate. i know he can sense that i'm going through something because he keeps touching my lap and trying to get me to hold his hand, but i want to fucking scream and tell him to stop touching me. i don't tho. i just start feeling worse because i feel like a bad person for having horrible thoughts when i know he's just trying to help. it carries on through out the rest of the night when we go home. i barely look at him, let alone speak a word. idek why i can't bring myself to talk to him when the only person i'm upset at is myself, because i'm a mess with a fucking fragile brain. even though he keeps trying to get me to admit what's wrong, i just shut him and everything off. all i can think about now is how tired he's going to be of this soon, and that he's going to leave me and resent me. tldr nothing happened but i'm taking it out on the person i love anyway. i go into a spiral and i can't pull myself out of it",6.290159045725645,4.7751741033797215,6.895368588469187,81.46210656063622,66.41550695825049,9.47941153081511,32.2472365805169,7.9765259561132025,2.108507339960238,1886,61,407,18,25,624,209,503,0.124,0.7659999999999999,0.111,-0.825,0,3,3,0,0,0,41.0,3,0,1,2,35,23,8,1,21,0,28,12,3,7,3,76,86,38,0,4,13,0,10,2,1,0,1,4,1,3,21,28,1,6,15,0,4,20,11,15,0,2,8,15,70,8,65,72,5,75,0,0,1,7,40,29,5,2,28,271,91,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20171571319147155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027334032273174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992023736935927,0.05420631858266406,0.1583009424758282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724733004262538,0.0,0.0,0.06619128056097845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04186867061617791,0.06693069456795786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572782271497337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058346803648042636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984780162977037,0.04637957138009647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30009206605680705,0.16959270032642942,0.0,0.3320648750655893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22963768381628186,0.0,0.058156459210716015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04351517407884902,0.0,0.06512105073004036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540952554662427,0.0,0.0,0.07135776139682518,0.0,0.0,0.2749678369248782,0.0,0.1327722306373889,0.0,0.06343423716767845,0.06506789175848465,0.0,0.0,0.05451728453621996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718746428420924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609239553873311,0.0,0.12458689013533325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04399214598243087,0.098750683405466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045008043210080464,0.17005952460443885,0.0,0.0,0.06137132403963354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526353068350879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318010283539637,0.20024878449710895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772675591498255,0.0,0.0,0.053703317453040134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14993805975460708,0.0,0.0,0.18380565596668225,0.0,0.051845989999665616,0.10855371659704577,0.0,0.0,0.0743190063904486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762501656146827,0.052181036145182255,0.056743810625158125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04159875182464968,0.19135364216507694,0.1030800356361095,0.03785595392271847,0.0746171328130513,0.061537511690392226,0.062034792289209675,0.0,0.1763083747202862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300260675266102,0.0,0.07658416909887959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06018241223597015,0.058581099642531415,0.07248197179915179,0.0,0.06258152190253273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616003966202606,0.0,0.1419618318431887,0.0,0.0 bpd,AlecWaycaster,2020/01/25,"DAE have a hard time coming out? This is my first post on this sub so please forgive me if I do anything wrong. I am transgender and possibly, bisexual. I know that coming out will only do me good, starting to actually live as myself and all. I keep watching videos of people coming out and how their life has changed for the better since then. I feel genuinely happy for them (maybe a wee bit jealous) and acknowledge that I should do as they did. I get so damn motivated. But soon after that doubts start creeping in, things like family and society and questioning my validity. I have been put off coming out for so many times I stop keeping count of it altogether. I even tried self-converting (failed, of course). The hardest part about coming out, to me, is admitting my feelings out loud to others. It makes me feel naked and vulnerable.",4.44084712755599,6.475059443037977,5.206962025316456,79.3785929892892,71.65822784810126,8.659006815968842,27.343719571567675,9.265573868473778,2.4393382667964945,664,24,122,15,13,215,109,158,0.095,0.782,0.12300000000000001,0.7713,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,3,4,7,10,2,1,4,0,13,1,0,3,1,37,29,16,0,2,2,0,4,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,9,18,0,3,9,1,0,6,0,5,0,1,2,6,21,5,22,25,3,25,0,1,1,0,6,9,1,3,10,88,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.13301800442953446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217076291401744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055430890633025,0.14881421740254938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419693830625588,0.5870910367676205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003086527815503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850007442163708,0.0,0.20676590747024728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594443832149999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121587111851996,0.0,0.0,0.11432959360775592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451035559575508,0.1221061665946708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24231555607517735,0.0,0.0,0.07491190848959035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627913808499962,0.06659373383907083,0.0,0.1203634196169142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098737289424033,0.13819601793590722,0.13694079736880246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366920169224804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760945615504056,0.0,0.09449955683164372,0.0,0.0,0.1496264428078326,0.0,0.15366801285781004,0.13054642440474312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702827954712446,0.15269737133414835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220010387337415,0.0,0.0,0.11275628393826136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19296054430678716,0.0,0.0,0.11396049882647558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905576994431805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896584761253496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254492135442828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490325866153744,0.0,0.0 bpd,sch0f13ld,2020/01/25,"How to help support BPD best friend How can I best be there for my best friend who has BPD? She also suffers from cPTSD, depression/anxiety, and has dissociative amnesia that causes her to lose her memory when triggered by stress. She is in therapy, on medication, and has a case worker, but still often finds herself in crises. And outside of her drs/therapists, and myself, she basically doesn’t have a support system. I’m basically one of her only friends, and she constantly feels lonely and unloved. But I’m on the autism spectrum, quite introverted, and have my own mental health struggles, so there’s only so much time and energy I can give to support her, which she understands, but I still hate to see her suffer so much. How can I best support her in times of crisis while protecting my own energy? I’m also not too sure myself why she struggles with making and keeping close friendships (besides myself), and would like some insight into how BPD affects that. I know she does engage in some toxic behaviours, albeit unintentionally, and I do my best to address those when she does then to me, but I’m not really sure what it is that seems to drives other people away, because she always seems to make a really strong positive impression on people.",8.619597701149424,8.11438153448276,8.53103448275862,68.33408045977012,61.24137931034482,11.526436781609194,35.2816091954023,10.864195022040775,3.8930074712643687,1004,37,168,22,12,326,131,232,0.136,0.623,0.24100000000000002,0.9845,0,2,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,9,17,27,1,3,4,0,14,2,0,9,2,43,33,28,0,1,6,0,1,1,3,1,2,0,1,0,9,14,0,2,7,0,0,1,3,9,0,1,0,2,31,18,24,31,11,21,0,4,1,0,23,10,0,5,10,130,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14545506156442845,0.0756723259115664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695715732398467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544446678009461,0.0,0.0,0.055438349082938806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4771982687585994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436206844611749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342408601587417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827767832145544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591706415983028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04598379566683939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312076478096495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107883028353272,0.0,0.0,0.08724134806820225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978793580057545,0.0,0.09666874984905573,0.0,0.0,0.0609575501764671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083481329527856,0.0,0.0,0.04998020130800301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04443042888956483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174257936972647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214110628184674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161606732369457,0.0916497166972695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370795902350455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061625708798392215,0.13833334844855869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260976250423239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672966880463413,0.0,0.0,0.11652154448663718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724702415293851,0.16558319990216194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452552864031572,0.0,0.10417553886199184,0.19014790637168655,0.0,0.0,0.4128066892942948,0.1714264550071281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400188482113863,0.1055924807572947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605984048418514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467545157398254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206241607540593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460369457741635,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,anujaz,2020/01/25,"Advice I’m not sure if this is normal, just me or even my mind playing tricks but I feel as I get older it gets worse. I have only been diagnosed for about 2 years so I’m still accepting it and learning about it. I’ve been dealing with this guy now for almost a year and it’s time I tell him. I’m so scared he will think I’m crazy or something. It’s usually easy for me to leave relationships but I’m starting therapy and I don’t want this one to be the same. I don’t know what to do. How did you guys have that conversation, if at all?",-1.1273004201680656,0.9240791008403342,1.4904569327731103,97.62375262605043,94.12605042016807,4.991806722689076,16.681197478991596,6.6274283507984215,-0.28724831932773176,419,11,103,6,16,143,80,119,0.139,0.772,0.08900000000000001,-0.7093,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,9,5,1,1,2,0,11,1,0,1,2,25,23,13,0,4,8,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,10,4,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,1,11,3,11,18,2,9,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,5,8,65,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19145236713293567,0.0,0.0,0.19618722987328235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20198661642864849,0.0,0.1988563488294665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940440087114216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906387212911194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20472194965884935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3879864689996142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767341407037873,0.0,0.0,0.2074527366168611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197825013722898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919616171552213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276157932896068,0.14900724204224672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21034652856299332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961517486804976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083005666883945,0.0,0.0,0.13867435101641715,0.0,0.15646328135431342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18465383481402745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17124415614432772,0.0,0.22405347948554968,0.0,0.0,0.1255386812127688,0.0,0.0,0.11424348863980464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157800159172015,0.0,0.11555966427761907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19966089759533728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523342358259061 bpd,inkwitxh,2020/01/25,"Lonely It’s 16 years since I was diagnosed with depression, and 5 since I was diagnosed with bpd. I’m really struggling to make friends in the new area I live. If there’s anyone out there that is alone, and wants someone to talk to, I’m here. I had to quit my job, due to physical injury, so I am always so bored. Sometimes I’ll write a little list of things to do, to keep me busy throughout the day whilst I wait for my bf to get home. I know this illness sucks ASS, and I wanna try and make someone’s day a little better if I can. I am so alone, I have no family, only bf and his mother. Who are wonderful and do so much for me. I had one ‘friend’ but was subsequently ’dumped’ for not wanting/being a fan of children. That obviously destroyed me, but I am proud for saying what I feel, sticking to it and not turning back just so I have someone. I have tried joining groups and stuff in the area, but I dint feel comfortable in group settings. I just wish I had a friend or two, in England, and build a friendship based on mutual support. I feel like this is too much to ask.",3.1114854260089686,4.013723139013454,4.450109304932735,87.98171104260092,73.2152466367713,7.548094170403588,25.596692825112108,7.865858978985527,1.238578699551569,832,26,183,11,16,276,127,223,0.122,0.732,0.146,0.9097,1,4,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,3,12,15,3,1,8,0,18,4,1,2,1,36,36,20,0,5,10,1,3,1,5,0,3,1,1,1,10,12,0,2,5,0,0,0,3,7,0,2,6,4,26,8,25,30,2,18,0,2,0,1,15,10,2,4,8,121,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597741344497324,0.0,0.0,0.10435126994547166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768967495234684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724153724675225,0.0,0.0,0.09643264460395123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091506373829704,0.0,0.0,0.15794966156654575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175831071059682,0.0,0.10801555643125768,0.2545772729269524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822550412466755,0.0,0.19023338123723488,0.08959301797161781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906746531912137,0.0,0.06552161391781013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579658014888292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445019742587475,0.11147028086628566,0.0,0.0,0.06892212464455591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06126905210058304,0.25138778225945185,0.1107394375172634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674244638038806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438174270241572,0.0,0.0,0.1211218796824252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498114597293126,0.09538005084769127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338910439946727,0.0,0.0,0.08034093703818511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973116456359547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074811018098595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187787744485541,0.0,0.12403381981850305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311058915418198,0.14356458839612482,0.0,0.14231392305882976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079990758903877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331691415143183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17029048474173794,0.1364102029875679,0.122507468792616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073970140670186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421545394944976,0.0,0.13600193033801153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076000841913628 bpd,aroaceintrovert,2020/01/25,"DAE feel like they’re always acting, or performing a show? Like I think I have a logical understanding of empathy. So when I’m around people I’m comfortable with, I’ll figure our their emotions and how to react/respond. But on the other hand, everything I do feels like an act. So when someone says “you’re a good person” I think it’s just a faux compliment. Also, I love my family and friends, but I don’t think I “feel” the love for them. Anyone else?",2.579917582417582,4.4713829670329694,4.40668956043956,83.72893543956044,76.47252747252746,8.066483516483517,23.46291208791209,8.841846274778883,1.7444824175824172,354,11,71,8,8,120,65,91,0.0,0.718,0.282,0.9653,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,2,1,8,9,0,0,7,0,3,3,1,1,0,18,14,11,0,0,4,0,4,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,9,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,11,9,6,14,0,6,0,0,0,2,8,2,0,1,5,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15761109881833424,0.1639928966209015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378084215620484,0.2019398140754958,0.0,0.17544998978375226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464162602429586,0.22169732698978092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17712986968970718,0.0,0.18579690391886716,0.0,0.29896064743039763,0.2815992281042992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226959983656524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530795498937526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888615346734713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35575899586790033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663591371483305,0.1720895264710776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673218513494058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16699191308483607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788578480357862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20517542384852397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LustStarrr,2020/01/25,"DBT Diary Card + dot/bullet journaling, a.k.a. BuJo = PERFECTION! (or at least, I think it would, if I could find some inspiration to get me started... has anyone seen anything like this?) Hi everyone, I'm currently doing Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) to assist with my BPD, & it's been pretty beneficial so far, however the diary card is forever a pain in my butt - I'm always forgetting to do it, oir trying to reinvent it into something more exciting & usable than it currently is... My current reinvention quest was prompted by the dot/bullet journal (or BuJo, to dot/bullet journal devotees) - I think it would be a great format for a DBT diary card, as it's designed to track statistics & goals, etc. in a simple, easy-to-review way. I know my psychologist would be super-impressed if I came up with something, plus I may successfully do my homework each week if it's interesting & simple... or that's the plan, anyway. The only problem is, I'm a total dot/bullet journal n00b, & nowhere near experienced enough to create my own layout from another format, so I've been scouring the internet for inspiration but have been surprised to find almost nothing like this. Therefore, I wanted to ask all you lovely people whether you'd seen anything in your travels, please... I'd be eternally grateful if you could share it with me. I think I'm going to crosspost this in r/bujo, & a couple of other places, to see if they can help, too. I'll share any results back on this post if I find any good ideas elsewhere, if there's interest. I'd also love some advice from more experienced dot/bullet journal users who are familiar with DBT & diary cards - perhaps we could brainstorm some ideas & draw up something like this. Do you agree, that it'd be useful? Let me know. Thanks in advance, Fern",9.031891592920356,7.605657504424782,9.137431784660766,67.28897953539825,60.97640117994101,11.660840707964606,38.59162979351032,10.550175099000144,4.141325811209439,1430,59,241,27,16,473,187,339,0.017,0.768,0.215,0.9967,4,0,3,0,0,0,87.0,1,5,1,5,7,20,0,0,11,0,29,4,1,3,3,53,51,17,0,15,12,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,0,19,9,0,0,12,1,0,4,0,2,0,0,7,5,25,18,35,30,12,26,0,0,3,3,15,13,1,15,10,148,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970124188898732,0.0,0.0,0.08167235588580457,0.0,0.0,0.065224937810499,0.06786594702820269,0.7069773644613759,0.0,0.11092963463410636,0.08552465332075461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05702990330971563,0.0,0.13423681516163266,0.0,0.07624926807743583,0.0,0.0,0.0627159856693747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272422530745548,0.0,0.0,0.09328496490739492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19536136914178728,0.09024657458342128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427513683996221,0.09096296105586216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793579015713416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22363800841120046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04261267142864719,0.0,0.04635344756036965,0.06841016378034742,0.0,0.08992216667289915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546691517858155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18414667712021388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964845876131274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340246113349234,0.0,0.1195409192384285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472254083308891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826074181605808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062031420238193226,0.08678750016990848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056544678906165886,0.0,0.08521471599205699,0.08953035811071253,0.0,0.0,0.07811365362765865,0.08297766727610395,0.0,0.07804362243437546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499419059091659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18837076308927175,0.0,0.0,0.05772985813480928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509114245195296,0.09327302050095697,0.0,0.0,0.15678451430400858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05537510479234595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044320339321887,0.0,0.0,0.04810725974887276,0.06473995629976502,0.06542395203327002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738174766482356,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,luceario,2020/01/25,"What can I do to take care of myself? I had a VERY BAD NIGHT. I’ve been well for months so it was really out of the blue and I feel like I’ve been hit by a train because I’m so exhausted and in physical pain everywhere from the emotional toll it’s taken on me. I’m calmer now and not in crisis but I want to spend my weekend taking care of myself and not lying in bed feeling awful. What can I do?",-0.13285892634207386,1.6215380112359554,2.7183520599250954,93.1865418227216,84.61797752808988,6.202746566791513,17.754057428214733,7.3871296695380915,0.16673682896379516,309,7,74,5,9,109,60,89,0.11800000000000001,0.653,0.22899999999999998,0.7731,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,4,1,8,2,0,0,0,11,19,7,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,3,1,0,5,3,9,4,13,13,0,9,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,5,49,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21261093562842215,0.1552241157980552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5192379950706986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28643191640901705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25750384495559403,0.1819124471648057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440258689149035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20324851507557928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389592116891572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709513093867406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312673459398058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3829100860303044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101018733808672,0.15019127172053978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289488956629992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bigwhitedogs,2020/01/25,"Why do people with Borderline Personality Disorder attack you when you are supporting them? Recently, I was involved with someone with BPD. She was sad, and almost suicidal. I told her I cared, and that I would miss her if she was gone, that she mattered to me. She then began to pick on me, and say very hurtful things. When i questioned why she did that she said ""I was just being playful"" and continued to say mean things to me. Why would someone (with BPD) try to hurt the one supporting them?",3.8862765957446825,5.951152893617022,4.558457446808512,83.30875,73.25531914893618,8.104255319148937,27.707446808510642,8.841846274778883,2.231834042553192,388,15,74,8,8,124,55,94,0.21,0.687,0.10300000000000001,-0.9013,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,2,0,3,9,1,0,1,0,10,0,0,1,0,17,19,8,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,5,8,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,5,0,1,9,3,21,4,10,7,0,8,0,4,0,0,19,1,0,3,6,57,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468174182115498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667999028081355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693221625321941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948750490265894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803769738405627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139166357015923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971071352786215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935260479163498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164692423238007,0.12802176662644765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642464647970541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476824765716031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946792977571085,0.23319410122929024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24845904528703466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037702696530215,0.3327622566660795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948138578122368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401004216548667,0.0,0.09954445210535832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097575726446524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969016317163672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083073918525703,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sophie_say,2020/01/25,"I'm in love with my teacher. My father left when I was 2 y.o. sometimes he was visiting us. He always lied to me that he will be back, that he will be with me. Then he has been leaving me every time. I was crying a lot and felt like I'm truly abandoned. Like something is tearing me apart from the inside and I'm shaking in tears. My mom has a hysteria. She was so addicted to my dad. And when he left us she was stressed and depressed. You know I was a lil kid. And I did some annoying stuff. That's ordinary, but she has been beating me up for every little thing, sometimes not. I learned how to understand if she is mad or not by actions. Should I squeeze or not. Should I be silent about my needs not to be beaten up. Or listen to constant yelling. I never actually smiled. All our family photos are fake. I never understood who am I and what do I really need and want. So I have some problems with feeling happy. Recently I have fallen in love with one of my teachers at school. I mean parent love. She was so kind to me. She taught me a lot. I told her about my love and she took it. Now I love her more than anyone. I'm scared if she can abandon me as people did before. I'm so stressed because I can't speak about this properly with her. She is crazily busy and afraid of all of this. I don't love my biological mother at all. I love this woman. I think this is wrong. Am I cheating on my mother or something? Lol. I feel a big offence to my mother. That's why I'm depressed. Should I leave my teacher or should I be friends with her further? Also, I have a big sexual desire. Especially to older women. Maybe perversion. I'm homosexual and I think my mental mother got it. I'm not craving for her. She is married. But I think I might need a mommy. And I'm scared about it.",-0.2764959568733154,1.9877439083557995,2.1571692722371982,92.81259487870622,92.39622641509432,4.800884097035041,19.818921832884094,6.4601748715692375,0.23384502425876005,1374,46,298,17,50,467,175,371,0.183,0.649,0.168,0.4823,1,0,2,0,1,0,51.0,3,1,0,2,14,29,4,6,8,1,41,8,0,1,5,65,76,30,0,12,14,8,4,2,1,7,1,3,0,3,15,17,0,2,11,0,0,5,9,17,0,1,17,7,67,12,35,47,8,31,0,4,0,7,49,15,0,12,13,213,82,5,0.0,0.0,0.08706431415850725,0.09726125380404352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071347943280368,0.07423687782278349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062383598102434636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860346270181727,0.0,0.0543867245785013,0.0,0.07591830953581777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641342340637038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800225191872952,0.0,0.0,0.15368739968258002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034074423803556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084107192081382,0.0,0.09022303410460436,0.0,0.08566368056798113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892993484542481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135612577244846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497467380889167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290726169270098,0.049032113832425735,0.0,0.0,0.18893886266107487,0.19387216245448524,0.0,0.0,0.08717523298921996,0.0894203016766701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15170063112251253,0.5636617914054439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963190099239432,0.09718502152132218,0.0,0.0,0.08991118931508839,0.09464665123593903,0.0,0.10449154258800536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984629978621544,0.13762150101198597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060456714653585264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906650412000394,0.0,0.0,0.06185282315063171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536998475981647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715560845774364,0.0,0.08809243258255671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17864641801819464,0.0902938105625688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373694067711797,0.1764786098448231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20439881178380012,0.0,0.10213375279486778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05927275805712025,0.17150269527741652,0.0,0.0,0.05202398185255792,0.0,0.0,0.08525202970368814,0.09912495439369684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287952823768447,0.21463756333359893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05262333940292408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050575269949738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754634341856752,0.0,0.0 bpd,Witcherscoinpurse,2020/01/25,"It's hell, honestly hell She cheated on me twice, lying that the first one was an attack and the second time when I was so badly spiraling i tried to kill myself, got pregnant and it's possibly mine.. I tried to be supportive even when she asked me for money to terminate a child i want, and today is my cousins funeral who killed himself on new years and she couldn't even reassure me.. So i told her to fuck off and now I'm writing this. The fuck is wrong with me?",3.3349553571428596,4.397473656250007,4.6314880952380975,86.28375000000004,72.85416666666666,8.402380952380952,26.214285714285715,8.841846274778883,1.7933410714285718,365,12,78,7,7,121,66,96,0.38,0.568,0.053,-0.9919,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,13,8,0,5,0,6,2,0,0,0,9,14,9,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,10,0,4,4,0,17,3,9,8,0,11,2,0,0,2,12,3,4,0,8,58,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190068762213448,0.2312961271842687,0.0,0.0,0.1697565697574234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685705926060175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17293661686562006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37591632176632506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626067406956654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4498679961860903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19635946686499497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377691013429869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22920311356723694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307154259211229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855254241285045,0.0,0.1927154835286901,0.19427280472056246,0.0,0.2760702598386204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199183617692316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222891559535557,0.0,0.13092590899986756 bpd,FlorenceOnline,2020/01/25,"I dont have an FP right now Since cutting all contact with my previous FP (which I did in a dramatic/histrionic way, but for actually good and sane reasons instead of borderline psychotic reasons), I have not yet established a new FP. I wonder if it's because I'm so conscious of what an FP is now? Or maybe it's because I cut the last one off for good reasons rather than shameful ones? He ruined our friendship, not me, so when I did cut him off, I was justified and didn't feel the guilt or shame after. Has this snapped something in my brain that has maybe helped heal me in some way? Or maybe in another month I'll have a new FP and this post will be completely redundant",8.345352798053527,5.821946029197083,8.387992700729928,75.59347323600977,63.16058394160584,12.345012165450122,40.351581508515814,10.864195022040775,4.119083698296837,534,24,111,11,6,175,89,137,0.135,0.747,0.11900000000000001,-0.3333,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,0,8,9,3,3,7,0,13,2,1,3,1,20,16,11,0,2,8,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,7,0,2,4,1,13,2,13,10,2,19,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,6,9,75,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.14905404863691835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016318655239867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862200734911436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051046090371166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014696270590226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17901235425039655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772308875546572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562252964075565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237966733748942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450502426600432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46034926682878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191711713011535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950381329288325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20700371153209796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462845061918546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4711322975383783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304407371116643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263496674929828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175881670693396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24247880103869715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564206114886745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AgathaJonez,2020/01/25,"Self-destructive behavior and manic states after a breakup It's been a looooong way since it started, and I thought I was handling it ""fine"", but I'm really not. I recently broke up with my seven-year girlfriend because she cheated on me, and long story short... I discovered she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and basically abused me for seven years. The cheating part was the wake up call, we used to live together until then but I decided to leave. And it hurts and I have to build a whole life from scratch, which I know is ""good"", but is too much. The thing is, since I'm ""free"", I've been like on a crazy bender of self-destructive behavior and even my old eating disorder that I sort of had controlled resurfaced. It's because I'm not really free because we are still in touch because somehow I still believe ""it was beautiful at first"", and she said she could work on it. But how do you work on NPD? I don't even know. For like two weeks non stop I've been compulsive shopping, skin picking, smoking blunt after blunt ...so much anxiety... I'm awake until 5 am every night on manic episodes like putting on makeup and eating under 300 calories a day because I just don't feel like I need more than that and I absolutely need to be stoned to handle what I'm feeling. I know that if I don't eat much my meds will interact with the weed and I like the way it makes me feel. I'm already looking for help but I feel like I'm losing it, I'm so exhausted but like afraid to fall asleep I dunno please help?",4.016191482935668,5.263058720930236,4.917337662337662,84.176525974026,71.42524916943522,8.263424947145879,28.96421020839625,8.710501217029153,2.1265534883720933,1189,46,241,21,22,387,161,301,0.138,0.728,0.135,-0.4509,0,0,0,0,1,0,43.0,2,1,0,5,10,18,2,1,10,0,21,8,3,5,0,46,44,24,0,4,10,0,7,7,1,1,2,1,0,1,15,15,3,2,9,1,3,2,5,7,0,3,9,9,31,13,30,32,6,34,0,3,1,0,14,12,0,4,24,147,46,2,0.0,0.11590118400339285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794724917980712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748323419427964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981520542173477,0.0,0.0,0.11021009851497103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998855703004322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971390184600137,0.07810163353177961,0.0,0.0,0.06308606863016791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242213173774539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002840850719816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292189096377675,0.0,0.08241791002220783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19784374340971486,0.13976583350090785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320598637022585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204711450722847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311339107734286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471876653194924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127860879714048,0.0,0.0,0.1035776845553164,0.0,0.0,0.06909344481900916,0.33453076087652944,0.0,0.0863772096109385,0.08656798003906475,0.08214450335218998,0.10943601150558444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652958798067415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086564177257982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21572775871315808,0.1450651813956937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179782338972474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264605969769842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592996589363148,0.0,0.0,0.0854130043818806,0.0,0.10737742957857156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833652502346288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533251232750206,0.0,0.09658584862039972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930496056332632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20409603213436134,0.0,0.0,0.1618360994342676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923778601204654,0.0,0.15623900330162832,0.08178223853917749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498753036083364,0.0,0.0,0.07765847478361368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955563216505924,0.0,0.0,0.08448542227755594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529056836568247,0.07846562831254586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092129886159879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424288394919879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598626707514954 bpd,unfilteredflower,2020/01/25,"I get diagnosed with BPD and confine in my family and this is the response I receive I am uncertain if I believe in my disorder or not or if I’ll ever identify it which I am leading over not to.. but I informed my grandmother on this and she now uses it as away to use it to her advantage . Talks about how I only think in black and white and that’s why you’re not agreeing with me or listening to me, and all of this shit. I got pissed off by this and got into an argument with her, even raised my voice . She was my legal guardian and I have an unpleasant relationship with her. And because my mom is diagnosed with the disorder , she says I act just like her and this is why I am the way I am . Whenever I decide to confine or say anything to her it’s always used against me, so Fucken manipulative !",3.2201004016064267,4.198349704819279,5.2303012048192805,82.20260040160646,73.03614457831327,9.147791164658637,29.49598393574297,9.516144504307137,2.5979333333333328,625,26,133,15,12,217,93,166,0.166,0.7909999999999999,0.043,-0.9733,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,7,5,2,1,5,0,9,4,2,6,2,41,17,20,0,2,11,1,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,11,16,0,2,3,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,3,6,30,2,24,14,1,14,0,0,2,0,16,8,2,7,3,106,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342573717693242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277853465152376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515950435504378,0.0,0.0,0.09835837544895702,0.0,0.0,0.1817878846492841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032165631032544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32753674769108804,0.0,0.0,0.3698455906360173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657114255526133,0.1459516673084749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210783221110244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842994980634761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580950650623972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882819164654575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889729241237371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271508485452055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323112452576708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566263744523472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656249938092732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296882220462366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338752470287144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4180676654812743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807330866031152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911892602904844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cleverusernameexe,2020/01/25,"Help? I’ve been looking for years for an explanation of the way I think and feel and I’m here at 1:30 in the morning with work in a couple hours. And from what I’ve read on bpd tonight, this might be my answer. Where I live I don’t have super easy access to a doctor that would be able to tell me for sure so I was hoping to get a second opinion before I go to a doctor lol. If that makes sense.",0.4479545454545466,1.955288795454546,2.5113636363636367,96.64954545454547,81.5,4.854545454545455,16.68181818181818,5.148860815047168,-0.8659136363636368,306,5,75,1,8,103,65,88,0.0,0.7959999999999999,0.204,0.9492,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,7,1,8,2,0,1,1,14,16,5,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,7,3,14,10,0,10,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,4,3,48,11,4,0.2226019706990696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18941788165506135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28035938954407597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463048466213704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4556850989272659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125542448263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630034213274075,0.0,0.12650982981270908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492054087114276,0.0,0.0,0.22109398400947536,0.21921810138622794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656161838443684,0.0,0.18692959164829892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858854397425966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361455134139777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22266220995371688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20979972299776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945639339700076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263435455033502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766910830720567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16205688584559816,0.0,0.0,0.15813005322206838,0.0,0.0,0.14334837083790938 bpd,cheesecakemonster007,2020/01/25,"I feel so worthless... It's been 4 months that i a have a new job. I'm so stupid that i can't anything right. Nobody is satisfied with the job that i do. I can't talk with anybody, because i feel like they all think ı'm stupid and they don't take me seriously. Plus i don't even look put together, i don't shower much, i don't brush my teeth. I don't put on makeup, dress up nice. When i come home i just throw my clothes everywhere it makes my mom angry she yells at me. I don't know what to do. I feel stupid, worthless, lazy, coward and i whine about how worthless i am all the time to my friends and family. They try to help but then get bored because that's all ı'm talking about or maybe they think ı'm exaggrating. I can't even go to psychologist because i have no money, no time and frankly i don't believe there is a good psychologist in my country. I don't know what to do any more, i hate myself.",1.050847651775488,2.7911757113402094,2.7246735395189,94.72442153493704,80.54639175257732,5.9605956471935855,21.602520045819016,6.937597516519254,0.2971990836197018,704,21,168,8,18,232,102,194,0.182,0.738,0.08,-0.9570000000000001,3,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,4,0,10,14,4,0,5,0,20,1,1,2,3,23,35,12,0,0,3,1,3,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,8,8,0,0,7,0,1,5,13,10,0,0,1,6,34,4,14,34,5,16,0,4,1,0,10,5,0,1,7,103,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934327866277012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231715344087425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940497940566498,0.0,0.0,0.18115620487874726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850706329828413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21240165451233908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157928521396158,0.0,0.2439020257538377,0.11486900161558207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422659697882467,0.0,0.08400657267025838,0.0,0.09138113454157656,0.13486372016410514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874765673746816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777470452671628,0.0,0.16128631332560306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191201781750667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17673287107379004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855427804604817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502380162477418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732912808712616,0.0,0.16153600124528686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883162776504121,0.12834170707092918,0.0,0.1181997614316172,0.0,0.0,0.15529278628977972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232783912591203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731449091463158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089469405848145,0.2584751582174376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20605654379128255,0.0,0.0,0.18751685291228334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916641949216244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,midwestbrokemyheart,2020/01/25,"DAE else struggle with infidelity/cheating? Apparently using a throwaway here, and please, I'd like to keep this judgement free. It's a real struggle. I'm not saying that bpd makes you cheat but even my therapist of six years who I'm workingwith on this issue thinks that bpd can boost certain factors which promote unfaithful actions, e.g. a lack of self love, need for validation or self destructive tendencies. Anyone else struggling with this?",6.181813186813188,9.05861465384616,5.699304029304031,74.04807692307695,69.12820512820512,8.559706959706961,34.21978021978022,9.23628265651192,3.6600087912087904,365,18,55,8,7,112,64,78,0.182,0.595,0.223,0.594,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,2,9,2,3,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,14,9,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,8,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,5,0,1,0,1,2,5,7,9,1,3,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,1,2,29,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771876695370702,0.1725011116328968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4240781918845845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812804759701419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111197868795139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17572042720309927,0.0,0.14964297704026738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225047326977279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194829841150848,0.0,0.11237925928901453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483419843736795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18480486113539327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19162653485749384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388383211208946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512650565850617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5280082484416745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19547485210201693,0.0,0.10787603596351343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540594604701368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841605485980063 bpd,DeepSpaceDeity,2020/01/25,"I need help/advice About a couple of months ago I ran over a kitten at my work. The 3 years working here I’ve never seen any stray animals. At most just pigeons. It came as a complete shock and it suffered a bit before it died. I made myself watch it die as I felt I deserved to see the consequences to my actions. I was backing out of a parking spot and felt a bump and stopped to see what the hell I could have hit. I love cats more than any animal on earth. I was mortified and literally was screaming. I buried it after it finally passed on with the help of my bf. I’m still so upset about it. I feel so depressed and I cry about it at least a couple of times a week. I can’t forgive myself. I truly hate myself for it. Idk if anyone has ever ran over an animal they love a lot. I love all animals and I’d be devastated if I even hit a bird. But I just can’t believe it was a kitten. It’s tearing me apart and I have no idea how to forgive myself. I know that BPD makes you feel emotions at a higher level and it’s so fucking horrific to keep remembering the way the kitten squirmed as it died. I don’t know how to forgive myself. I don’t know how to move on. This is so fucking hard and I hate it. I am tired of being so fucking depressed over this. It truly hurts.",-0.0500708968450887,2.0327773333333354,2.5404868250029544,92.53381425026589,87.02197802197801,5.134302256882902,20.161762968214585,6.532088108194933,0.2147280869667969,984,31,220,11,31,340,140,273,0.235,0.667,0.09699999999999999,-0.9916,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,1,2,18,19,6,1,19,0,16,7,0,5,3,43,44,23,3,4,5,0,5,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,19,12,0,2,12,0,0,6,6,13,0,0,11,10,34,6,33,28,6,32,1,4,4,6,10,13,4,4,12,155,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743062265223573,0.0974538404387194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952388992791485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768715502688561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453591476145597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354955990557773,0.12386303378367325,0.0,0.0,0.12002436017055072,0.0,0.13846368293256606,0.0,0.0,0.1257403476604815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526841789221713,0.0,0.0,0.08777694061667839,0.2432897021412163,0.1207622718789236,0.0,0.0,0.18937972527634886,0.0,0.3422963950111653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366600693189635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261333755081448,0.09944566071325513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111176410347356,0.0,0.2111163872331948,0.12043224496377235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049090948314103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848329530746144,0.21708300174109896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737890845917326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769143020019585,0.12410717645980802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771838364953199,0.0,0.0,0.18125796128664576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346577502633907,0.2976713457472958,0.10402645996145607,0.07338479754047625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775185597104418,0.11684721912386445,0.0,0.08151799928574004,0.08479134303657168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453888096146473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521348973923664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779702225585162,0.0919135025880276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410601917507687,0.12635812471316593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726405826209965,0.0881860274284555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007306404293808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079678480138701 bpd,brainsandb00bs,2020/01/25,"Is there any hope with this disorder? Will I ever be able to have a stable relationship with anyone? Is it wrong to feel like I do not deserve love because I have BPD? I’m high functioning given that I have BPD, BP 2, ED, and GAD. People who meet me could never guess. The unfortunate ones who know me best, the people I love, see these sides of me and they eventually hurt or abandon me over it. In many cases I do deserve it. In the past, I had a problem with going into dissociative states and committing general atrocities. I’ve done all I can to learn and grow. And while I do still dissociate from time to time, I don’t get into fits of fury during them anymore. I did therapy (hard af when they find out you’re BPD), I meditate, I workout, I am doing well at work. I take care of myself and look good. I try to give back where I can. Outside of that I’m so miserable. I don’t have a strong family unit. I lost my FP/BF/BFF of 5 years (bff for 8) a few months ago and still haven’t fully recovered. I lost most of my friends with that relationship, and I don’t have many close friends. I have tons of friends that I keep at a distance but nobody close to me. I’ve met new people since then, I’ve dated a little, I solo traveled, I still feel so empty. It’s exhausting feeling this numb. Everywhere I go all I see is negativity about people with BPD. I don’t believe I’m a bad person deep down. I’ve done some horrible things in my past but it was all coming from places of pain, not malice. In reality I care for people very deeply. I love very deeply. I never meant to cause harm, but I did. I want to be better even if I feel like I don’t deserve to find peace at the same time. I didn’t ask to be mentally ill, or to have endured the childhood that I did. Yet I’m fully responsible for all the horrible things these illnesses make me do that I didn’t ask for. I have to live with the consequences. I want to be able to connect with people in a healthy way but I think I will never be able to. I’ve gone so far and I’m still unhappy. I don’t know what else to do. Is there hope? Are we all really a lost cause that the world needs to stay away from?",1.1010097919216622,2.917043429824563,3.2699367605059173,90.50680538555694,80.71052631578948,6.698000815993472,20.692370461036308,7.738981096181357,0.6624617095063239,1668,46,381,28,43,569,213,456,0.171,0.7040000000000001,0.125,-0.983,0,0,0,0,0,0,58.0,1,0,3,7,17,30,0,1,17,0,46,8,0,3,10,70,89,22,0,8,9,0,5,2,3,2,5,0,0,1,21,23,0,2,11,2,0,6,15,13,1,1,16,8,57,17,54,65,11,58,0,6,3,3,20,25,0,8,26,247,78,2,0.21917361118957293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476139404685985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049681857130761606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724537761979625,0.05108376166134599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659849346636502,0.0,0.06864027415556552,0.0561769927417172,0.06100027015181266,0.044535399695084285,0.0,0.0,0.08231120192485443,0.07666972766873703,0.06461374938086173,0.0,0.0,0.3680553210097054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489747358421577,0.15010111522766625,0.0,0.06293288636066563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05833076473860534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373064891147616,0.0,0.0,0.1495271331329364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103047613512318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04825403437171854,0.06608502641567188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688724582258856,0.0,0.14776101766349475,0.1043851144178594,0.0,0.0,0.1335471399750104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693329883214143,0.0,0.038169721929783074,0.07008376638962847,0.08304094273125748,0.06127747548142105,0.0,0.0,0.08048148085890937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544550184710589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718965122935079,0.0,0.1451258996359189,0.0,0.0,0.07820996127829499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493719201480785,0.0,0.0,0.0803013898831164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138477036033328,0.07322317912852802,0.06451143804236445,0.0,0.06135021103824269,0.0,0.2392538872630461,0.0,0.1978127412076876,0.0,0.0487666957933409,0.1481384273917878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362514996519387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583140951377653,0.0,0.0,0.05417148518610829,0.1690402005739377,0.07055974648136888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04950590373323184,0.0,0.0777387250647565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948400792765692,0.3038947709351451,0.06379131445681838,0.0763299249892983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699065152885596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046802742529700916,0.0,0.0,0.15687362332224786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643532774332647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060434225351206336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778699691837293,0.233376438685451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05493042637403245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354804185496495,0.0,0.0970728055995984,0.046812533402579744,0.0,0.0,0.12780189523213192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0496014983546772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056078863256307,0.08618284964804487,0.057989936956806015,0.0,0.0,0.06568779938398961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053186999763706624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987731246196646,0.0,0.04704687323899177 bpd,coldinalaska7,2020/01/25,"What does your significant other do to help you when you start splitting? Hi, I'm trying very hard to learn some de-escalation techniques. What helps you calm down when splitting begins? Things that your significant other can say or do...or not do?",4.9190000000000005,7.440559955555559,4.793055555555559,80.73625000000003,71.66666666666667,7.166666666666668,24.583333333333336,8.07648339933343,1.4820000000000002,198,6,35,3,4,61,33,45,0.034,0.728,0.237,0.8421,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,6,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,3,6,1,5,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,2,4,22,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548476680066578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36324004515752106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5435837742517166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32246250154834155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870084238263043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693900214253203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753015867205915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33457231643991997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lolosk1,2020/01/25,"I've just been diagnosed with BPD I don't know what to do. I feel so lost, confused, devastated, just this whole storm of emotions that are gathering into this huge dark blackhole. I don't know I'm just not coping well and I can't tell my parents who're on the other side of the world and I can't and I can't and I just can't",-1.1982191780821942,0.8464413013698646,1.3200136986301378,98.60084246575344,94.89041095890413,4.5638356164383564,16.88904109589041,6.2581,-0.4375906849315068,257,7,63,3,10,87,45,73,0.17600000000000002,0.785,0.04,-0.8411,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,2,0,9,1,0,0,0,15,14,5,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,2,1,0,2,1,8,1,6,12,1,5,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,0,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3870427664371316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119104245252077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456793321066376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538379635744162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377760930486697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335462202269262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34122837155264263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686001113610083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27630615446612417,0.0,0.0,0.34309760804618833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,FairEnough_Lad,2020/01/25,Friends has BPD I have a friend with BPD and I just want to understand her more and know ways I can help her.,1.2512500000000024,2.5580616250000037,1.8733333333333315,103.005,78.58333333333334,6.466666666666668,20.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,-0.11526666666666685,85,2,23,1,2,26,19,24,0.0,0.608,0.392,0.8519,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,2,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7413225112781605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4547517686572851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19726346326783295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16173989237261635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063772643399267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358609666320252,0.2336020877282632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chainedaxis,2020/01/25,"I'm crying??? And idk why?? I've been edging all day. Switching moods all the time but I'm conscious enough of my own horribleness that I justreverted back to acting like everything is good so my bf didn't get the brunt of something that isn't his fault. But I'm laying down in a crouch, not anxious, kinda frustrated, and I just got hit with a wave??? I'm huddled in a public room with people in it...Just silently crying?? In my sleeping bag...Alone. Does this happen to anyone else?? Why am I being like this??? I'm sorry idk whats so wrong with me. Things have been okay...Waiting for a shoe to drop...I missed a couple classes...But what's going on??? Its making me feel really sad the longer I lay here and cry and....I have bad old habits. I love you. I hate this...I'm sorry. What is happening???",-0.988933588761178,0.9340011666666684,1.2293614303959153,96.19833333333335,105.23456790123457,3.715964240102172,14.228182205193699,5.727593064623523,-0.7477146019582803,607,14,131,6,29,201,105,162,0.239,0.627,0.135,-0.9578,0,1,1,0,0,0,53.0,0,1,0,0,5,12,2,0,8,0,10,3,2,1,2,16,26,7,0,0,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,9,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,4,1,13,4,15,20,4,13,0,2,0,1,5,7,0,1,6,70,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15728662913239938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156453882073944,0.0,0.10618773429607424,0.15560392520127958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677502565994037,0.12680116475781786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680360429677006,0.5004506346399813,0.09794054161594867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289832927480116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686395388738886,0.0,0.0,0.15691742961455546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648672066126305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678764823050079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934334040051286,0.0,0.08630853793520288,0.12737739103655302,0.12146053697448242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26858792979813684,0.0,0.0,0.14993552249470632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838740886118248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706434374059473,0.0,0.10137125315341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935706408448022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052842630108734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728878662105372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197495453967585,0.0,0.0,0.11691331143384374,0.0,0.340001493456406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089254347320732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855386559961202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740695867821725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604084265027685,0.0,0.0 bpd,ecofetish,2020/01/25,"Impulse Control? Does anyone know any good impulse control skills? One of my biggest unhealthy coping mechanisms is spending money on unnecessary things to make myself temporarily feel better. I'm so tired of this, I constantly disappoint myself with it but it seems that in the moment I will give myself any excuse to justify the spending. Sometimes I can go a few days at a time without spending money and I feel great, but then my mood crashes and it all goes down hill. SO over it and really want to make a change!",5.837142857142857,7.521144500000003,6.229404761904764,74.82750000000003,67.54166666666666,8.402380952380952,32.464285714285715,8.841846274778883,2.978653571428572,416,18,67,7,7,134,68,96,0.062,0.8029999999999999,0.136,0.8123,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,4,2,5,0,0,5,0,3,1,0,4,1,17,13,8,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,4,0,5,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,9,3,12,12,2,12,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,1,5,47,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779325768798126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288758850020086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18073263465195671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21617719686058293,0.0,0.0,0.2208317889417706,0.4583960279232699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179005937622545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882971052791385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066529049704681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19603294758934914,0.11613788479706905,0.17140066463714948,0.0,0.2252986732035152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230645101743866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272812938374741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847412506266485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091304942652784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860342799994409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20210923824230695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576231125096375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191592267391211,0.2348724289353477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205320355803262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19698792357172396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jessmailinh,2020/01/25,"I’ve gotten really good at dealing with BPD but today, right now I feel like shit & l hate it Its crazy how you can be doing well for weeks and months then one tiny thing sets off an episode and youre crying your eyes out and feeling incapacitated, wanting to just throw yourself in bed and be alone and far away from everyone and everything. I just want to cry and disappear and i hate this feeling in my chest. I hate how intensely i feel. I really hate this guys why does it have to hurt so much? Youre doing well and then youre not and it feels like youve taken 1000 steps backwards",2.798264462809918,4.447275479338845,3.757099173553719,89.67746694214877,75.19834710743801,7.1540495867768605,22.01735537190083,7.908726449838941,0.7972935537190082,467,12,102,7,10,150,81,121,0.316,0.565,0.12,-0.9898,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,5,0,0,8,11,5,0,1,0,6,3,3,2,0,25,19,16,0,2,4,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,7,12,0,0,5,0,0,3,1,6,2,1,2,6,12,5,12,15,1,19,0,1,1,0,7,9,1,0,8,62,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174472871374322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828675220617302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285836074949246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723692158697953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006665382512274,0.0,0.14109569840727762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976630012020555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077471256045714,0.12300011323196484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460003061619635,0.19554430319143065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479090013139227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355120026861089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5404800160775443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465104719775675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372486351562993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923960914873658,0.0,0.1006071684330004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273925217560136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535085776277065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687690354377248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404838753071449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092308915725543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972640200806485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144605842952872,0.0,0.10978009595424414,0.0,0.2461054917715947,0.0,0.1234940294715887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mikehuntisfresh,2020/01/25,"Crushes I’m really new to this sub and Borderline in general, so forgive me if I’m not doing something right but... DAE have a hard time figuring out the line between normal crush behaviour and obsessive crazy type stuff? Sometimes when I discuss things with my therapist he’s like ‘well that’s actually normal when you have a crush’. I’m so scared of being obsessive and ruining things and making myself and other people miserable that I have no idea where the line is. I think about this person all the time, despite the fact we never went out and aren’t even friends. We just worked together, and they’ve left now and I feel incredibly miserable. Sometimes when I talk about this to people who know my history, they completely dismiss all of my feelings which makes me feel utterly worthless and lonely and like I’m a complete freak. This is the first time I’ve had a crush on someone I didn’t know at all previously and I’m terrified about how absolutely insane to barely know someone yet think about them and want to see them so much. I keep trying to date and meet new people but this person just sticks in my head so much. (And they’re definitely not interested. I messaged them when I was drunk asking if they were interested and they never replied) I wish I could explain to others how it’s not just a small thing, how absolutely soul destroying it feels to have this person not interested in me at all. Which sounds ridiculous but argh.",5.346890909090909,6.892436952727272,5.820499999999999,77.82275,68.56363636363636,9.28181818181818,29.75,9.642632912329526,2.819672727272728,1162,44,211,26,20,374,146,275,0.19,0.767,0.043,-0.9867,1,2,1,0,0,0,21.0,2,1,6,2,23,20,3,5,10,0,14,2,1,5,7,64,37,31,0,7,12,0,5,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,19,20,1,1,13,1,0,1,9,12,1,1,5,7,28,8,23,30,6,28,1,5,1,0,22,12,0,2,17,147,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.11419498544077385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093982347154682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453872302272373,0.0,0.0,0.09343123090267436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729084039225327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366760288776939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995374536164866,0.0,0.0,0.0904096354767832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048272523430755,0.0,0.1200966439195601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321017362764183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040130676924137,0.0,0.0,0.1929339791856768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714295738065035,0.0,0.0,0.11434046840220033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622399039155996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17204684993982122,0.0,0.1805066226765374,0.2260379748312061,0.0,0.0,0.2293102029467645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433815383751109,0.3065329791564778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496623546368161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993474321274412,0.0,0.0,0.11715778905404008,0.0,0.09325007172771904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983019329633152,0.09008798586343543,0.2314722452777558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396030883776147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405652816129928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586965072460785,0.23322937102718716,0.14996383596462198,0.0,0.0,0.20470652899446645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944913917487707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690216368789328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521535212570614,0.10847904084422963,0.0,0.0,0.13456763235332572,0.0,0.0,0.08519221166072741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,learn-_-,2020/01/25,"So many learnings. I have been learning to recover for a very long time now. The first 4 years were filled with shame and self loathing and defeatism because of how society sees this disorder. But with therapy, this community and a changed perspective, I have so much more insight and faith. The biggest take away is that I need to be honest about what is good for me, what is needed for me And not act based on a picture perfect decided outcome I want to create. The latest Rick and Morty season also helped me in this regard. Learning to be my own friend and keep my own truth has helped me not yearn enmeshment. I need to be patient. With myself and honest about my needs and fulfil the. For myself. That's it. When people act in their self interest it's not anti me. Everyone is just trying to learn and grow and survive.",3.5921563342318086,5.742094006289308,4.127336028751124,85.69995283018868,74.34591194968553,7.058580413297397,26.45148247978437,7.957251820313856,1.6690086253369278,653,24,123,10,14,206,99,159,0.07,0.758,0.172,0.9423,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,4,9,11,0,1,7,0,12,0,0,1,2,35,20,17,0,6,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,9,14,0,1,6,0,0,4,3,3,0,1,2,1,16,8,20,15,4,17,1,2,1,0,6,5,0,0,8,91,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460102088815896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16988555768027822,0.0,0.0,0.11022568465513656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912827007591271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20723442847881365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727804609517452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538046893411354,0.0,0.0,0.13970043830464987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166253665897844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24239854953288034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607203819527933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16001927093989002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332225257649773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329228915633635,0.5363004786579652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253572417252441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408946373473305,0.0,0.3772676484899729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595350882512916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067824736751156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054371091957863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276434372426655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919474800463356,0.10665182835481524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644161384328347 bpd,mashed-potato--,2020/01/25,"I want to apologize after 3 years, but what do I say? 3 years ago I started dating a guy, he was super sweet and intense at the beginning, I thought he REALLY liked me, but then something went wrong ( or something I perceived was wrong ) and I broke it off with him by telling him he wasn't emotionally good enough for me ( mind it was only 3 weeks... ). Then got back to it, then got angry again, I made such a drama out of it... This is how I found out I have BPD. Although he wasn't acting right in some occasions, and although I think it wasn't really going to work anyway on the long run, I still feel a bit guilty for how I behaved with him. He really was trying I think to show me he cared but I was over demanding, over attached, over anxious, over angry. We never met since we ended the story, sometimes we messaged each other, crashed again, then messaging each other again over instagram but nothing more. I actually believe he has some symptoms of BPD as well, but that's another story... &#x200B; I do this thing that I apologize to people, even after years, if I believe I did something wrong. That doesn't mean I think they were 100% innocent, it just means I acknowledge that I did mistakes and I am sorry. Also I'll clear some bad karma. The problem with this situation is that I didn't really make actual mistakes. I don't believe I ever hurt him, I was just being over emotional and irrational because I just didn't understand what was going on ( he was difficult too ). I don't know how to apologize for this. What should I say? I don't wanna turn it into a 'poor me I am victim of myself' kind of thing, and I don't even want to seem like I have been thinking about this situation for the whole past 3 years, but that situation did shine a LOT of light on my way of feeling and thinking and it's been difficult to admit that there was something off with my behavior. But again, is this really an apology to him, or my self? I believe the only hurt I had done to him was to be annoying. So I don't want to annoy him again by messaging him, on the other hand, I only live once, and I don't have time to worry about this. Afterall, I am apologising and I am trying to be nice, but how do I got about it?",4.959845403439154,5.003586649553572,6.26325396825397,79.71137566137568,68.66517857142857,9.583465608465607,29.539021164021165,9.444778638647367,2.4417814814814807,1721,58,351,33,27,584,192,448,0.161,0.698,0.141,-0.9573,0,0,4,0,0,0,66.0,3,0,1,2,27,24,3,0,13,0,48,2,1,6,3,75,79,34,0,9,14,0,3,2,0,1,1,2,0,2,31,22,0,0,17,2,1,5,13,15,1,0,31,8,62,9,54,44,10,52,1,3,1,0,34,18,0,8,30,269,93,1,0.0,0.0,0.14719164954064842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685235830896176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06031071147962309,0.0,0.08171396800433413,0.0916395509472701,0.0,0.0790809905531646,0.0,0.0851994097688662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057990790698109175,0.06296979824402313,0.04597332317606225,0.0,0.0,0.33987520157086465,0.0,0.0,0.08233550874756038,0.0,0.18996939889725734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689235667392001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717747300098145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696672838921795,0.06679681547631146,0.07792561608303404,0.0,0.0996240443291539,0.06821872706447579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626590380211057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826905240185213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572210248851457,0.06325595375832113,0.18095288452204025,0.0,0.0,0.07467439462360129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614702843154786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785348924816467,0.0414470485710154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368958491657655,0.0,0.06659433192426238,0.06674141041023335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411658538602931,0.0,0.07136110946114202,0.05034123598947826,0.0,0.0,0.16430180110675194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614937283381247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058166011936116827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236436213343234,0.0,0.0,0.08031632914167725,0.0,0.1720734069318526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199377818830265,0.052284447171504496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216360112353548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24156936084279385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440545372079365,0.0,0.11994878112155752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865653548088191,0.0786760707459771,0.0,0.0,0.062385477440155365,0.2543146076652354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322378551361339,0.0745890493216555,0.08442282642477236,0.05338033173513605,0.0,0.0602278777715167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838683269563282,0.0,0.0,0.06591752400994089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020701495870916,0.24161989580667825,0.0,0.05987243938263333,0.0439760869798486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024059839807924,0.08203171823221478,0.0,0.07851144927744302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334481791865745,0.05986226981070485,0.06049473142311091,0.0,0.0678086746830707,0.06991204079942186,0.0,0.08420005748151377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05490425921049776,0.07658932440930412,0.0,0.0,0.24736898234156546,0.0916395509472701,0.1942635407022642 bpd,noidea911,2020/01/25,"I was never diagnosed but I only relate to posts in this group. The post gets a bit dark I was never diagnosed but I only relate to posts in this group. So I feel like there will be people here who might understand and not judge me. I told my friend tonight I’m suicidal and when I feel bad I sometimes hurt myself. It took everything I had in me to finally speak to someone about it. I felt particularly shitty that evening and was crying in from on him as well. He asked me what I wanted to do now to feel better and I said I want to go somewhere (a bar) and just forget about this and talk about smth else and end the night on a positive note. He said he doesn’t want to go anywhere but we can hang out tomorrow and he is there for me. So I called an Uber an went home. When I was home I felt particularly shitty about being so vulnerable if front of someone and him not supporting me the way I wanted him to. I cried and drank and found a pretty decent way to kill myself that does require a preparation and ordering some illegal stuff online. As I felt a little better I thought maybe I should talk to him more about how I feel maybe it would help. So I gathered all the power in me again and called him. He didn’t pick up the phone and just texted me that he is on a treadmill “what’s up?” And that just broke me entirely. I couldn’t understand how after me telling him all this stuff he couldn’t stop for a second to just pick up my call. I’m probably overreacting. But there were other times in my life when I was in a horrible place, shared with people that I’m thinking of doing horrible things to myself and no one ever ran to my rescue. The thing is that I still have a tiny bit of hope. Hope that things will get better. But I just wish there was someone who would sacrifice their evening for me. So I know I’m worth at least someone’s day. But apparently I am not. I’m not worth a slight inconvenience of coming to my house and check on me. So I am thinking that I should never share my situation with anyone again. Because any time I did it it meant nothing. I’m still alive though so...I guess it doesn’t matter. But I feel like telling people about suicidal thoughts and actions means nothing. No one is willing to do anything. And why would they? I am just so lost. I’m too scared too die but I don’t want to live anymore.",1.5220573997233764,3.637654807053945,2.990565352697097,91.50702368603045,80.80497925311205,6.174343015214385,20.830048409405254,7.333567415737692,0.5333027662517287,1835,52,400,26,48,599,210,482,0.179,0.687,0.134,-0.9875,2,0,0,0,0,4,38.0,1,0,2,6,41,18,1,1,19,0,38,5,0,4,6,93,87,43,4,16,19,0,8,2,1,9,3,3,2,0,28,24,2,2,18,1,3,9,15,6,1,3,25,11,64,12,52,49,7,55,1,3,0,0,38,18,0,6,24,281,92,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04881407076669235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118823576447117,0.05019148841804905,0.0,0.05907028736197303,0.0,0.06710627291106347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05993478657894704,0.04375750581579452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904554489465211,0.15673422123827266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21989166407766475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06183364603855835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576978257664708,0.04629330866470964,0.0,0.0,0.14571398802145608,0.07449815302564253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281671794574539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996446495838071,0.0,0.0635773496400876,0.0,0.0,0.09482237519422476,0.06493072808415541,0.0,0.0,0.06451283384752039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814751196246632,0.10256183356373973,0.20676529224950932,0.07863342949527814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870501490167592,0.05545842387561794,0.0,0.07500603298791529,0.0,0.08159047767372196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907572158011184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04811381291987687,0.0,0.14400595278757744,0.14259100492685306,0.0,0.08282653458716653,0.07684387832867702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941590236725671,0.0,0.03944938811467198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05070159287410268,0.07013790210905455,0.07194419963679334,0.06338462536883015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835829052126478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442288889191823,0.07819140015113879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614912322811923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608759796386402,0.0,0.0,0.0673623363320004,0.0,0.13775310454645034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972823814473214,0.10918655406206873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492933407764152,0.0,0.07499668038248328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20624130397269336,0.07302787457708679,0.07739289780641356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656181810797655,0.0,0.07186608254114338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068572638191289,0.0,0.0,0.2432818713544757,0.0,0.07099401422402203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465004179781962,0.060012780859427274,0.0,0.0,0.16434592509646956,0.15703522967864328,0.08145711139670737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539094875297524,0.1254808763413313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430658718007003,0.0919897302658117,0.07052523275356039,0.11397342778368115,0.08371306439637853,0.0,0.0,0.0685905653351669,0.07975219691915636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945472552451786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116937633048973,0.1139540689437252,0.0,0.0,0.0645404393639905,0.06654242766308531,0.06477189000173185,0.0,0.0825455025411036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297514741811213,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheRadGasm,2020/01/25,"Comorbid NPD here. Can anyone recommend a straightforward book about how to develop empathy? Hey, I'm currently doing DBT, but my comorbid narcissistic traits are interfering with group therapy, and I'm trying really hard to get a handle on it. I'm also encountering a lot of NPD stigma from the therapeutic team, which is super-harmful right now. So thanks in advance for not making it worse here (please). Anyway, Empathy seems like a cornerstone for me. Basically, ""true"" empathy (versus ""cold"" empathy) could be the mysterious missing piece that makes me feel inhuman inside, and makes me seem ""off"" to people. I would appreciate some book recommendations, if possible. Online, I'm finding a lot of lists about how to SHOW more empathy, but FEELING the emotion is supposed to be much more intuitive and immediate than ""ask gentle questions like, what can i do for you"" One helpful example I found this like this: > Fine tune your nonverbal observation skills. Learn about micro-expressions (small quick facial expressions) and eye reading. Daniel Goleman in his book, Social Intelligence, states that “the more sharply attentive we are, the more keenly we will sense another person’s inner state.” (From \[https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/threat-management/201303/i-dont-feel-your-pain-overcoming-roadblocks-empathy)\](https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/threat-management/201303/i-dont-feel-your-pain-overcoming-roadblocks-empathy%29) This article ""\[Give Your Empathy a Boost\](https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/wander-woman/201111/give-your-empathy-boost)"" makes sense, too: 1. Be quiet, inside and out. 2. Fully watch as well as listen. 3. Ask yourself what you are feeling. 4. Test your instinct. If it is appropriate, when you are in conversation with someone else, tell the person what emotions you are experiencing. I also see words like ""curiosity"" and ""vulnerability"" come up a lot. I worry that if I didn't learn empathy as a child, I'm fucked. That can't be true, though (right?). I also read the subject presented as an all-or-nothing thing, where people either ""have"" it or don't (and are narc monsters), but that's definitely not my experience. For example, I have a daughter, and I definitely feel what she feels, even when it doesn't ""get"" me anything. I'm choosing to have faith that there is a tiny, but very real, strawberry-seed-sized kernel of empathy within me, that I can nurture and grow. Please help. I can't be irredeemable.",7.482157252132982,10.129691856796116,7.4373433362753785,63.97744189467494,64.89805825242718,10.722094733745221,33.11591644601353,10.767703573000405,4.341738511326861,1983,85,292,59,33,634,234,412,0.044000000000000004,0.778,0.17800000000000002,0.9945,1,0,0,0,0,0,160.0,2,7,0,3,22,14,1,0,18,0,31,3,2,6,2,57,60,30,0,5,12,1,6,4,0,2,0,2,0,3,21,15,0,0,14,7,0,3,7,2,1,1,2,13,29,12,33,50,11,24,1,1,3,1,29,13,1,11,10,182,50,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311335642667847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102280210747452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736444302975836,0.0,0.07928111186111265,0.0,0.18013319951002424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298995023205602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692110663591413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22582379918264806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048123119708417,0.21674316829945728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363286578109027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424078990097368,0.0,0.0,0.34099324486319244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805468127302267,0.0,0.0,0.10563383672426896,0.0,0.08906646336729925,0.10066925280274436,0.18483971167054514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630335036719271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915178694800225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827099413744888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457191192960075,0.0,0.0,0.257235661093131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082232548332666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244257797358624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652837129298071,0.0,0.20502898555309146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358257965559175,0.16824392835468865,0.0,0.21150878252867344,0.0,0.10861093033835902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792489114939983,0.0,0.19273578987295306,0.10965808701915854,0.06171903908877905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645507816825766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677195988829898,0.17541195548396885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820835641657023,0.08163011438577998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420700015124527,0.08869860711971947,0.11017527141203792,0.0,0.06400522661099438,0.0,0.09465535240591166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540977409329381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949209409539636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662286948811923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783979827800317,0.09818054882899573,0.06843846721170724,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bluesclues19,2020/01/25,"reassuring myself for nothing i thought that my girlfriend and i’s relationship was over, but i kept reassuring myself that it was just my bpd, telling myself that things were fine and even if they weren’t, we’d get through it together. i told myself that she still loved me and eventually i believed it. i believed everything. she broke up with me recently. it turns out things weren’t fine and all the problems that i thought were just in my head were real. my behaviour was hurting her and no, it couldn’t be fixed. she was unhappy and yes, she didn’t love me anymore. long story short, fuck",2.9036842105263148,5.532547000000001,3.5378070175438587,86.61881578947369,79.0,6.957894736842108,27.043859649122812,8.07648339933343,1.8775228070175445,474,20,92,9,12,149,68,114,0.163,0.657,0.18100000000000002,0.3506,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,1,0,4,10,1,0,1,1,13,4,1,0,1,19,22,8,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,12,8,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,14,0,25,6,7,5,1,8,0,2,0,3,15,5,1,1,3,71,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832040273270013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41625832297705456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23266288048215805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201342560145245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660247771028775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707813119565626,0.09651459380642563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895878328337087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19775891106246307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348158054534928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334548153554243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17725487405815493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676311448927434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21026491071671569,0.0,0.0,0.1824000881579006,0.19833251682762534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475268291523843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146348937703653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24545482462068866,0.0,0.0,0.29331238165975976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17651888224360088,0.0,0.0,0.200934844933948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gayspacelizardking,2020/01/25,"I dont know who I am??? I've been told by multiple professionals who've stated the possibility of having bpd. I've looked up lists upon lists of symptoms and experiences because for some reason, even if I relate to them, there feels some disconnect. My new therapist told me recently that my psychiatrist has been writting ""possiblity for personality disorder"" and ""explore bpd in patient"" long after my therapist also explored the route of having bpd and providing his input that he thinks it's a possibility for me. And yet, that's what bugs me. Its always a ""possibility"". I've never been officially confirmed. But also, I've never told my psych and therapist that I've been told this before, and that I even suspect I'm bpd. In the other hand, I feel like a huge imposter. I cant take personality exams online because I have an unstable sense of self. I dont know who I am or how to answer questions about me, constantly need reassurance of my character, and wouldnt be able to describe myself. Any answer I give feels like the wrong one. Maybe they think I might have bpd because I subconsciously want it confirmed I do so I modify my behavior and what I am willing to say in order to fit criteria and can get diagnosed? Or maybe I'm overthinking it? Or maybe I do have bpd and I'm subconsciously fighting to prove I dont have bpd? Maybe I'm trying to be diagnosed with bpd to find some backwards excuse for my shitty behavior? Is this rambling a good example to me that I do have bpd? Or am I taking a big thing lightly by pouring my feelings on reddit?? I am definently mentally ill, but all my life, it's been a constant ever changing rollercoaster of nobody being quite sure what's wrong with me. It kinda sucks to be at a psych ward and being told the equivalent of ""lol we dont know what's wrong with you"" by people who are suppose to help you find what's wrong with you. Sorry for the long irrelevant reddit post, dont really have anyone in my life to vomit all this out too and hear their thoughts and opinions on the matter.",5.7533753148614615,6.35898522418136,7.099421662468513,72.44727858942065,67.0352644836272,10.180715365239292,31.497128463476077,10.17224662633116,3.2114962015113364,1622,62,297,38,25,555,188,397,0.081,0.848,0.071,-0.7953,0,0,0,0,2,0,43.0,1,3,3,1,11,11,2,0,15,1,39,8,1,2,7,63,67,24,0,4,7,0,5,2,0,3,7,2,0,3,25,19,0,0,20,0,0,2,9,6,0,1,11,9,45,5,43,48,5,30,0,0,1,0,28,14,1,12,13,205,70,4,0.055344948525006515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851867067973711,0.04605143076419285,0.0,0.0,0.03763646285615714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03869847484283363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121330078281177,0.0,0.04709447484670883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6273452270292768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854761706116835,0.0,0.0,0.11961645540471895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234791550173487,0.0,0.0,0.06343010587113289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243193374181961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310963306025169,0.05006267449896895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05413797952045032,0.0,0.0,0.11193627561552563,0.07907688456941653,0.0,0.0,0.10116856058714824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028915451325804843,0.05309191771153928,0.0,0.04642071699947802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062377779336021524,0.0,0.037096552374866434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124840894169407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818354777558205,0.054077492535972056,0.0,0.0,0.09795707568133542,0.046475817779536105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22240575864021267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05577469084239002,0.058712244295339736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04103757805799594,0.08537087242067072,0.05345249616165454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03750316945907027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0383692187283366,0.09665014859571054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24957245492248936,0.05300516193014113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061999008634505,0.058866165300715874,0.0,0.0,0.03545539121352028,0.056903824771867034,0.05464645980410425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044012524450662366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057736851596352376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619541387160712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05216195900425685,0.057524592719791726,0.08322502705395363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927792528472024,0.03676872457360413,0.07092561656749803,0.0,0.04393770703811439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644223503565376,0.0,0.03757558711064491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032643884578220206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420440520660845,0.0,0.0 bpd,_rarah_,2020/01/25,"Borderline at 24, hopeless adulthood ??? Hello. I'm 24 and I have BPD and pretty bad anxiety. I've never lasted in any job and still depend on my parents I'm so ashamed but I don't know how to function like a normal human being and be productive without felling like shit or have panick attacks. Any advice???",1.3954999999999984,4.0676218833333335,3.4616666666666696,83.6025,88.5,5.0,25.83333333333333,6.6274283507984215,1.4898333333333331,243,11,41,3,8,82,48,60,0.17,0.639,0.191,0.5424,2,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,2,1,1,0,5,1,1,2,1,12,8,8,0,1,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,5,6,0,7,0,1,0,0,3,3,1,2,5,24,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419127626515667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366985725472558,0.0,0.1893827191131012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28163523403622226,0.0,0.0,0.206702255826054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117931483424252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456650966035904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605249938646702,0.20179443789235504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418906183265036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19093353027761556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425562338272767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748860784805261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25185751505734616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541167780588303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977017323565904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386390016609272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shitimborderline,2020/01/25,"Handling my fear of abandonment with my newish boyfriend I've decided to wait on things before bringing them up to my boyfriend. I also have made a rule that I don't text him about any serious issues (I had a spam texting problem.) I do this thing where I'm super easygoing at the beginning of the relationship/when we're dating and then once I have skin in the game i.e.. We've said I love you, talking about moving in together I start to bitch about EVERYTHING. Ive become more selective over what I see as a ""problem"" now. Before it was pretty much anything that threatened our time together. Probably something to do with my fear of abandonment. But now I tell myself it's fine we see each other all the time. Or, we have the rest of our lives together. But also, men love you the most when you're not there. (At least what I read and some experience, distance makes the heart grow fonder ECT) Or it was not talking to me ""enough"" ... pretty much a lot of my fear of abandonment... But I've spent A LOT of time alone recently to where I know I'm ok either way and if he doesn't want me he doesn't want me ... someone else will so no big. Obviously I still get triggered sometimes. What's your experience with tackling your fear of abandonment??",2.2907755102040848,4.6754904040816365,3.4515918367346963,87.77126530612246,79.65306122448979,7.0220408163265295,24.49387755102041,8.109356740369918,1.5406212244897954,979,36,197,19,25,316,138,245,0.159,0.745,0.096,-0.9227,0,1,1,0,0,0,38.0,4,4,1,1,13,17,1,4,12,1,13,4,2,3,2,38,31,15,0,5,9,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,12,9,0,5,2,2,1,3,6,12,0,0,6,4,32,5,28,24,13,26,0,4,2,2,20,10,1,7,12,132,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154546370630794,0.0,0.17829327561005207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758069251771579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173455079468126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123115545880266,0.1897142855643222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312318429894167,0.0,0.0,0.11518362994332827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018667756310914,0.21808817573715664,0.0,0.5017621462631765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824116531610887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209859040788813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163510952623672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06126382754240925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843460045941747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18954437361046697,0.2012213517213689,0.10548048302574928,0.07441052876531919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848044351377035,0.16389412463914707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871739742684767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268206087696141,0.12018906682245885,0.21333332849968864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150531754036687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006826293424096,0.1196825935286549,0.0,0.0,0.1060383959457834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17766252487270698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445253350654614,0.08581901725463784,0.11025177453503324,0.0,0.07890268548252996,0.0,0.08902419941235175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17919900718886067,0.09743419524910953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811827366793812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19500617064015696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150186430487476,0.08848378594911248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,The-Exploding-Girl,2020/01/25,"Just realized that my whole life, everyone has always chosen drugs over me The person I’ve been hooking up with left my place to go smoke meth, and I was thinking about it and realized “yea ok he’d rather go do drugs than be with me ... just like my dad” and it was an intrusive thought and now I can’t get it out of my head. AAAAAAAaaaaa",1.2661428571428566,3.3319081857142883,2.3014285714285734,96.37357142857144,81.42857142857143,6.285714285714287,21.42857142857143,7.447530270364453,0.5354285714285711,263,8,61,4,7,83,53,70,0.0,0.932,0.068,0.5719,0,0,4,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,2,8,4,1,0,0,14,13,4,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,0,9,2,9,7,1,8,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21024962116596385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5860560979038255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24144613128286685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201463203658814,0.0,0.287207214105598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593221087409264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27453706234781805,0.0,0.17847503354888733,0.12344646116982205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22063003027999856,0.2639963419010388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190684813503906,0.0,0.20059933223285528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28210768558828697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RevenanTxo,2020/01/25,"I don't know how to feel Long story short, I have been diagnosed with bpd for a few years now but never gotten therapy, just meds as I can't afford it and I'm spiraling into madness again and I don't know what to do. These past two months I've been the happiest I've ever been in my life with a girl I met online. I get attached easily and so does she do I thought it'd be ok. Last night she cheated on me with her ex and I had a full breakdown over it and mixed my meds with alcohol and weed and I got so messed up that I couldn't move just to stop these thoughts. I woke up today and the first thing I did was go outside and smoke and burn myself a bunch of times with the cigarette and I don't know what to do I love her and I'm so fucking attached but I can't forgive her for what she did. I feel like I'm back in the gutter that I always usually stay in and I just want to shut down and isolate myself forever but I can't leave at the same time",1.264424192212097,2.348236061032868,3.2570339685169856,94.02750621375313,78.06103286384976,6.701905550952778,21.449599558133112,7.285733465282438,0.3850350179508424,743,19,183,9,17,252,116,213,0.095,0.792,0.113,0.5757,1,0,3,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,11,8,3,0,9,1,20,5,0,1,2,41,39,22,0,2,6,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,11,20,1,1,8,0,0,2,8,4,0,2,13,2,30,4,24,23,4,33,0,0,0,2,11,13,1,0,18,128,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292299890380022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463679450364302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441997267277573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037908703685864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642311971779282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159882563229187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636413911511595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636294582759075,0.1155953037841238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763336904596854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495884179469957,0.08453773560407019,0.0,0.0919589258973634,0.0,0.12941223181738912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667754959965265,0.1318947011897087,0.0,0.1713307696383491,0.0,0.0,0.11428941599368887,0.07905096681055931,0.0,0.0,0.14319453760533907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603757786599178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.359463290862905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291531954520323,0.1719757555271607,0.0,0.0,0.12479591204835858,0.0,0.0,0.1518453690098396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446355890247512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246525605979476,0.0,0.13527830759898116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18504096743397352,0.0,0.10749770707290544,0.0,0.0,0.2569141473038253,0.18870249825604715,0.0,0.15337458165951606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806240699908858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782080911660751,0.0,0.09543825038278393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419871903160847 bpd,LegoHurtsLikeSatan,2020/01/25,"Just looking for someone to talk to because I'm anxious and can't sleep So tomorrow I am going in for training to become an independent visitor for my local children's fostering services- you become an adult friend for children who don't have visitors. It's all voluntary and I'm really looking forward to starting- it will be the first job I've had in a year. I'm trying to sleep but I can't- as much as I can't wait to start the job, the training is stressing me out- what if I have a panic attack or say something stupid and they don't think I'll be good around children? I know it's just my anxiety but I really needed to talk this out",1.9233545401966483,4.075050323308272,3.9263157894736866,85.13497975708506,79.6015037593985,6.7990746096009245,26.772122614227875,7.882392219407189,1.807163562753036,515,22,101,9,13,175,81,133,0.153,0.802,0.045,-0.9331,2,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,1,4,6,2,2,7,0,13,2,2,1,1,18,25,10,0,2,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,6,6,0,1,2,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,1,3,11,2,18,21,2,13,0,0,2,0,11,7,0,2,6,68,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776409060455934,0.18867656498180976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867651652782138,0.0,0.19000080750425208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180925808276853,0.36890432686459457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206073076763592,0.0,0.0,0.12903342829879344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491704158766273,0.14008214496022856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314682332984587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178569164068373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28049684124488433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277339001905395,0.12383763823384125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19595316125579965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21398494347469085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281502804518544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342661902384514,0.0,0.1415091329236962,0.1285743671367572,0.0,0.0,0.23642458690025706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19131223236905565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26847661133753914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701485396610276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339051141020172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755056185348433 bpd,skudd_,2020/01/25,"Everything seems lost So this will probably be a long post because of the background. First of all I'm from Brazil, the universities here are 100% free for everyone, but because there are only so many places there are standart tests to ""filter"" the best ones, resulting in a really hard test, and because of that, there are one year long preparatory courses called ""cursinho"". In 2019 I graduated high school and proceeded to a cursinho, a whole year studying for 3 major tests, as of today I have results for 2 of them, and I didn't pass. Because I didn't pass on the other 2 the possibility that I pass on the third is very slim. My other option was to study abroad, to be more specific, in Germany, but talking to my parents they said it probably isn't possible because of the costs. I think I haven't felt this bad in a long time, and for the first time in years the thought of suicide crossed my mind, even if just briefly. I love studying, it's my passion, I couldn't stand another year of cursinho, seeing the same stuff again, I was SO hyped to finally enter college but now it just seems like a distant dream.",8.580694444444449,6.811584569444445,8.130296296296297,75.24433333333333,62.10185185185186,11.41777777777778,39.19259259259259,10.125756701596842,3.77327925925926,881,38,171,15,10,280,123,216,0.071,0.821,0.107,0.8348,1,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,2,4,12,7,0,0,16,0,16,2,0,2,1,22,26,12,1,2,6,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,0,5,1,2,5,5,2,0,5,8,4,16,6,27,14,6,32,0,1,1,2,7,9,0,4,17,115,26,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250109090660752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954240162053288,0.3633722139054579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251123774492254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217353370666982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874264257004887,0.0,0.0,0.11391831007822265,0.1071458293768968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446837992366198,0.13059795264822566,0.0,0.20281425567838424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679628816247716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259608071324676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824409845328081,0.0,0.0,0.316513652498808,0.0,0.0,0.13014098940841126,0.0,0.10759927937996216,0.0,0.0,0.12086876663143188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037661966773942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157097467721182,0.0906709812146579,0.0,0.0,0.13237794776186895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455787540023047,0.0,0.0,0.26880171313533274,0.1141782921217221,0.0,0.2570752431353106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637437313374658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340401893505155,0.0,0.0,0.12065540662858865,0.0950016461254981,0.21706394555142133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364765690714686,0.13040560243468846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582325073447176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763903502269282,0.0,0.09464610929721036,0.13903443980823207,0.0,0.11300512308490013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836768273225552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310310930037542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070910170916256 bpd,PeeGeeHead,2020/01/26,"Do people with Borderline Personality Disorder struggle with text/email emotional comprehension? I have a friend who in person is a dream! No fighting, disagreeing is cool, all love. However on text or on emails, she burns every bridge and friendship she has. Everyone we know she has fought with on Facebook, on texts there are wars. She yelled at me once and I said nothing, she apologized later because she understood she was flipping out over nothing. Now she is suing a family member of mine for triple damages for emotional distress over a contract she feels isn't fair and lies to me saying it is out of her hands, but she filed it. Why lie is you believe you have been wronged? Just say it. Her behavior is random. She is all about ethics, but sleeps with married men and tells the wives, she thinks every man is in love with her and it just seems all extreme and then in person, she's a saint. It scares me and I don't want to let her go, but she seems dangerous.",3.58950079491256,5.921475237837839,3.96222575516693,86.03806041335457,75.0,7.379968203497616,26.017488076311608,8.313332769828598,1.7735564387917333,769,28,147,14,17,240,112,185,0.16899999999999998,0.732,0.098,-0.8855,1,0,0,0,2,0,23.0,1,2,0,0,5,13,4,3,6,1,19,4,2,0,3,32,31,12,1,1,6,1,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,5,6,15,0,0,6,1,0,1,3,9,0,0,5,7,28,4,24,25,4,16,1,1,0,2,39,12,0,4,3,104,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192425188022713,0.0,0.0,0.16989621088187326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282605103649631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392519196536925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541054006892874,0.1440926827735502,0.0,0.0,0.1421576822238677,0.0,0.07624732852278084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650513506605223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570122406291318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287390750377258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419981436528202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272199768759094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28938694844532104,0.0,0.0,0.1605935346861985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454342560370626,0.3950095136485278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344216758863115,0.23983913293188894,0.15097377581271326,0.0,0.0,0.2745592541395617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090557600146173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764542351052802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180293835199175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662441880195503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894378441692828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607054196238932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487248886372688,0.0,0.0 bpd,confession385,2020/01/26,"I might have BPD Hello! Recently I've been looking into some ""inner brain"" issues I have and found out about BPD. I'll be seeing a therapist god knows when but sooner rather than later. There is a whole bible or symptoms but I'd like to see if anyone relates to some of mine: (Some might be BPD and some just me being sensitive/weird) - massive mood swings, like going from nothing can stop me to wanting to shoot yourself over tripping and falling. - very simple things make you anxious. Even a simple task like having to talk to a teacher makes you paranoid af. A confrontation from maybe like a security guard makes me think about it all day despite KNOWING that he doesn't give a shit - daydream a lot, like imaginary friends that don't really affect your real life but you just kind of imagine hanging out with them. - I have nice friends and am decently attractive (tall and kind of fit) but I still have massive self-image issues that seem to change every few days. - feelings of guilt at times when I'm in my ""peacful"" mood for the thoughts I had at my ""awful and mean"" mood. - over analysing a simple compliment or a slight jab (insult) and concluding that I hate this person but only temporary. - rapid change of political and philosophical views due to the mood swings - being really passive about stuff because you know something is boiling inside of you that people won't like and occasionally it comes out in a form of being really mad or anxious in not so tense situations. - paranoid when I see others doing stuff and not including me. Feeling like I'm forgotten. - taste in women changes all the time. Someone I'd date a month ago does not fancy me at all now. - pushing people away and feeling like an outcast and another week inviting them to get beers and trying to include myself. - feeling guilty or like a fraud for feeling mentally ill but at the same time normal. As in: ""I'm self aware that I have mental issues but I've been kind of normal recently, this story someone posted kind of relates to you but at the same time you're not acting irrationally at this moment so how do you know?"" I'm gonna fall asleep and check replies when I wake up.",6.476723716381417,7.017051166259173,6.4564146699266525,77.91224058679707,65.45476772616135,8.891188264058679,32.0079217603912,8.726425361277474,2.578876107579462,1713,64,306,24,25,543,222,409,0.111,0.72,0.16899999999999998,0.9763,0,0,2,1,0,0,52.0,0,8,2,1,18,29,5,1,19,1,25,10,4,6,3,79,57,35,0,5,20,0,5,9,2,4,3,0,0,3,15,20,3,3,16,1,1,8,7,6,0,0,5,11,28,19,49,43,13,53,0,0,5,0,20,22,1,13,31,194,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676534147710529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897805660390576,0.0,0.17017702384041788,0.0,0.05266447459094188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707642479061284,0.0,0.0,0.045913483059215415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845831944093639,0.08408040026355057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390310861294129,0.06488025327202536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714845503671143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591176214153525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974718549363867,0.0,0.0634591186284774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190416585114148,0.1076151604178295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258289180319407,0.11638183473359097,0.0,0.039350828626143336,0.07225240691421007,0.04280526214446104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074361465258177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358389629714598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31373067739344035,0.1655723999008757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05319971241733999,0.3311715085480886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324860435673957,0.0,0.0,0.06403312950996339,0.0,0.0,0.15082713143867502,0.0,0.07566759718797858,0.08204397072649876,0.0,0.0,0.1518067469385367,0.1598021374447883,0.0,0.0,0.06011854025230155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759235562303422,0.0722701707287991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057283143848813486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443278465104554,0.065765244180833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213434159862292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572898813934547,0.1447529565901324,0.0,0.14873594401465787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005737518150608,0.06856717028337941,0.1571473277025112,0.0,0.07731339921724338,0.0,0.08466119497193245,0.0,0.0,0.12763430948360974,0.05798389202073944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060149483542118014,0.06296967219578464,0.0,0.0,0.1724434175826397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828480228095525,0.0,0.060538189642931825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874506304142919,0.05003829140327239,0.048261079367286734,0.0,0.059794507801423924,0.17567538607791405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511363447956333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062145683707626125,0.04442482647963274,0.0,0.06041598984980516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409046041673543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwitaway4549,2020/01/26,"I'm so tired of ruining nice things for myself. I keep rushing sex, and I don't know how to connect with men outside of it. I just really want someone to share all the love I have, and every time I do it the way I know how, they go away or back pedal from me. I think I feel a connection early on and initiate sexual communication or contact, and I don't feel uncomfortable with it, but I feel like afterwards they do. I try to not, but it's such strong reflex and it's where I'm comfortable operating, as opposed to an emotionally driven approach where I'm out of my element and feel vulnerable. I don't know how to move slowly with men, and I know it's me and my defense mechanisms that are getting in my own way of what I want. I really thought I was ready for a real relationship and every time I can't help but feel stupid for really believing I had gotten anywhere I want to be. I'm just frustrated because every time I feel like I'm really getting better, it's like I turn the corner and there's another underlying problem that I have to fix and manage and work around. It's just really tiring and makes me sad. I refuse to give up but I'm just trying to talk it out in a safe space. I'm tired and just wish I was with someone who could understand me and love me as I am and as I function. Guess no more dating apps for me for the time being until I untangle this.",5.232500000000002,4.6048994722222245,6.999444444444446,76.94000000000003,68.16666666666667,10.672222222222224,30.152777777777786,10.270032843473604,2.790398611111111,1080,35,229,25,16,380,138,288,0.11800000000000001,0.7020000000000001,0.18,0.9479,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,4,15,17,3,0,8,0,16,6,0,4,1,66,52,30,0,6,12,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,15,23,0,5,13,0,0,5,6,6,0,0,6,6,39,11,36,43,3,29,0,2,0,3,14,13,0,3,12,155,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084183234132552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410064456895002,0.0,0.0,0.09931415432907956,0.0812812972490453,0.0,0.06443732360976033,0.0,0.0,0.11909432926287633,0.0,0.09348826118100603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439754419182145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890488790945265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671852900669421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32068841564054923,0.15103260426172613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045391939551748,0.10140271257378654,0.060075087865712314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644694472722325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085242349664485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939562434561282,0.0,0.0,0.23237274984120296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549276613663672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19080736831979025,0.0,0.07055949603526505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234862220549986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114625172156652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031643394049893,0.3385894689234721,0.0,0.0,0.11348855630644625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791284989922567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496238265651848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070226289995766,0.06773205999064373,0.0,0.0839186616340436,0.2465517958716498,0.3644800789211648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353470824972142,0.1149776437468024,0.0,0.11004354949037216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18704420114350145,0.1678088154312785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155654579954275,0.0,0.0,0.07695513993522098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,princessmudkip,2020/01/26,"Message to AFAB people in the community I've recently made a huge breakthrough and I feel so great. It's still in progress, but I can see the progress for once. Things are moving. So here's my message to you. Look up the symptoms of PCOS. See if you fit the criteria, and if you do, then go to a reproductive endocrinologist and get tested. It has changed my world for the better. I'm nolonger pinned against a wall by my emotions. I now have the space to move around and breathe and actually do the things I need to do to recover. My therapist says that this is a pretty common correlation. I'm sure it's not the same for everyone, but if spreading the word can help even one person turn around the way I have then it's worth it. Message me if you have questions. I feel like everything is new and I want so desperately to help other people feel this way.",2.8896491228070182,4.848143812865498,4.037286549707602,86.42189473684212,75.78362573099416,7.3670175438596495,26.604678362573104,8.238735603445708,1.6647057309941529,676,26,141,12,15,220,97,171,0.025,0.762,0.213,0.9853,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,4,0,3,9,4,0,0,14,0,12,2,1,1,1,25,26,17,0,6,7,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,11,8,0,0,4,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,7,16,4,18,25,1,22,0,0,3,0,12,10,0,5,8,95,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.14679469458098154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678231914744627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304013266640766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591314319362892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692097153409445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993553724403481,0.0,0.0,0.14373909429732576,0.13519375824479604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281806764958147,0.1074648167272548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785917071526937,0.0,0.0854909221610838,0.0,0.0,0.16584589402065006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20165560258907125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349085457895405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632048586949002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233731738179134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197594096689555,0.0,0.1115394423780468,0.0,0.14528297959396655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019945483336911,0.10193297964520212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20857377379297376,0.13134673377758502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303796519063367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851225579909634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852815255983445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962529630621108,0.0,0.0,0.239741101521916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013090348972436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417753214495006,0.15635086909666315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746569151347518,0.19987354176193656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362098069327824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872552560880377,0.2388033191070391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Goliof,2020/01/26,Help! I came across a coworker on tinder and now I’m obsessed! It’s been like days and I’ve been checking like every 5 minutes to see if we matched.,-1.0090624999999989,1.0743887187500007,1.2872500000000002,97.23275,99.3125,3.8100000000000014,22.025,5.6839178017228535,0.16945500000000058,117,5,26,1,5,39,27,32,0.053,0.688,0.259,0.7639,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,2,2,3,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,4,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5407906637473887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049357302684865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39837901022423344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31692745889015445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4620009460552632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.376783670383305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,enigmagnify,2020/01/26,"found support in the strangest of places? i just need to vent and get all this out there because the last 4-ish days have been absolutely BIZARRE in terms of people being kind and i am not used to that AT ALL... my boss (a terrifying dude who's previously threatened to fire me over my mental illnesses) told me he's proud of how hard i'm working, that it's visible how well i'm doing, and he's learning about how to work with and train those with ""different needs"" which was... an incredible thing to have happen and i still don't fully get it lol. and today, i had rehearsal for a play that i'm in (a HUGE step for me, since one of my biggest traumatic experiences was during a show i was in) and got triggered (i have a very physical role and have to touch/be touched/be held by a much older man, and that's no bueno), causing me to dissociate wildly throughout the entire rehearsal. but! my costar drove me home to make sure i was safe, told me he was a licensed therapist trained , and offered to take me on as a client for literally a quarter per session and told me i was super fuckin' strong for what i'm doing right now. yeah sure maybe my life is super chaotic and falling apart around me, and i don't get to see my fp much which is making my mental state worse, but these random old dudes in my life trying to be positive forces has lit a fire under my ass to keep working on myself and my coping mechanisms and it's really fuckin giving me hope. ok thats all love u MWAH-",6.190336378737541,5.364478671096347,6.643884966777412,80.93632578903656,66.27574750830564,9.65124584717608,31.104858803986712,8.841846274778883,2.2317124584717614,1164,37,245,16,16,380,174,301,0.094,0.7040000000000001,0.20199999999999999,0.9909,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,7,10,16,2,0,14,3,22,7,1,9,5,46,49,21,0,3,4,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,16,19,0,3,2,2,0,3,4,2,1,2,15,5,30,14,37,32,6,29,0,0,2,4,12,17,3,2,8,153,46,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113896914348663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799322057417274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143330326586095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251302642783878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336738126717094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251533744731577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028353474626634,0.0,0.0,0.20053572408285816,0.12273514301250152,0.0,0.0,0.10232817107152853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314008777149387,0.0,0.11461231955019728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833784547771648,0.1270768464954276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372213508700905,0.0,0.13323355304624407,0.0,0.10429109642288943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18074067261230595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547407877046505,0.0,0.17080667009724565,0.0,0.12853652575624294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257874077716012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18810650953983696,0.18973709102770314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13425526777079125,0.0,0.08669788294312522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869997074671145,0.0,0.1336738126717094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196393535451059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926312067953894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195447061760304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058362538636014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217591053313456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451888616148037,0.2411706253665137,0.0,0.09619765152565024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855236093623606,0.08500003133146844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127555648854985,0.3667667289364956,0.0,0.08686529431581164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050217635247396,0.0,0.10556685518479338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150366463861106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794333563401553,0.0,0.13038544144724418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GEEE26,2020/01/26,"Suspicious mother has this PD I am utterly exhausted and left drained by constant trauma bonding, her seeking a argument and high emotionalism spat at every. single. time. It is daunting and to a point I’m considering abandonment totally. I am obligated to have a relationship and interaction with a parent that has basically, unknowingly to her, abused the fuck out of me psychologically my whole life and still to this day. A phone call is extremely toxic, their is ZERO reasoning or appeals to logic fall flat every time. she will ring me with a chip on her shoulder, then become hostile, she will become incredibly emotional, with no pause throughout the conversation, so just overwhelms at this point, then, when annoys me and provokes a reaction or a raised voice, because you can’t get a single word in or reason with, due to such high level of emotionalism, she then becomes more normal and manipulates and starts victim playing away “I only said this and you went off on one” “I only asked you this and you bit my head off” “all I said was and” you get the point. It is incredibly tiring to say the least. It’s like she’s on the spectrum or has some sensory issue going on as it’s almost like some sort of meltdown. I notice she will unknowingly or knowingly seek to then feel down after this trauma bonding phase and attempt to gaslight you. She can’t see error of her ways and is also socially inappropriate at times. I would say she has no filter. I’m totally different and don’t do any of that shit. I rather just pull the plug on such a interaction, bit difficult when it’s your mother though and she’s realistically all I’ve got at this point. So out of moral duty I maintain a relationship dynamic I’m completely sick off. She has been prescribed anti depressants before today, but fucking hell, she’s something else. Can’t see error of her ways at all. it’s always your fault. Incredibly paranoid all the while and accuses me of “not telling the full story” I’m mostly very calm to interact with and rarely escalate unless my boundaries are violated. I have ASPD. The most toxic dealings are with her, I’ve never had phone calls with someone as bad, it is... exhausting. As a child she would often vent her anxieties, depression and sadness onto me and I would always resist and reject the attempts. I could never do right for wrong, any friend, idea or opportunity I could always count on her whisper of doubt and poison into my ear. I think she shows signs of this PD, she doesn’t seem to think she has a problem, yet everyone grows exhausted by her.",4.360202950202947,6.663123108108112,5.6564701514701525,74.90646742896746,72.5966735966736,8.572636372636373,28.08439758439759,9.23628265651192,2.728174893574894,2049,80,353,48,42,684,244,481,0.20800000000000002,0.754,0.038,-0.9977,2,0,1,0,1,0,50.0,0,8,1,3,14,33,9,2,23,0,36,14,5,4,8,83,58,43,0,8,12,3,1,2,1,6,7,8,0,1,17,31,0,2,9,2,0,5,10,26,0,2,7,11,55,7,57,43,18,58,2,6,2,2,55,31,4,17,22,258,72,1,0.0,0.09816082921933422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295987920725552,0.0,0.0,0.06625317591702093,0.2068074579219137,0.0,0.0,0.11267838413548165,0.0,0.06337816822746715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745129916651733,0.0,0.07783802403067518,0.0,0.06917426470636379,0.05050311284924578,0.2744959132558149,0.07049718444208304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808961894642077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919327428871656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686410630575539,0.08952879659899192,0.0,0.13229409478059548,0.0,0.0,0.05342983216412897,0.08541221215685735,0.14271299016129066,0.0,0.0,0.08655808282628913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920851827081584,0.27957711320159884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960531050429245,0.07916440841253652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04189022328793962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400783105011132,0.15318249647989993,0.08656887721867419,0.0,0.0470841861819796,0.0,0.06626077411904781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502551363192483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750660235911215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352482810506067,0.0,0.0864713439828806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045530860652250336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001413281134192,0.0,0.058517692423709036,0.0809502808531734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779431469639072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117303344316877,0.0,0.0943225134205416,0.0,0.0,0.05613966103506806,0.12601862831556845,0.0,0.0,0.09199242785675216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132709488856784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927394061100879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17036221100075094,0.0,0.17789458174747302,0.0,0.07075137650831705,0.15761403174666044,0.13176743403804486,0.0,0.0,0.1320375821688021,0.07542132088103308,0.0,0.0,0.0850418453418453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445266962627238,0.07019648157571576,0.06378011091829214,0.0,0.0,0.058639940106689076,0.0,0.06616218053493386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724124323375062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617076183782513,0.08139732194668997,0.0,0.14492726194098274,0.09522110026654088,0.07852981413136469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835792600034142,0.0,0.13152109783685098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680053218020813,0.0,0.0924963589996911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17655762112470047,0.09058081779844064,0.0,0.0 bpd,ladyholy03,2020/01/26,"That feeling when you dont get a text back for hours... Every time my new SO (like a week new) doesn't text me back within 15-30mins I start to panic and think they're talking to someone else/ rethinking the relationship/ purposely not texting me back to keep me on my toes or hurt me. I've been ghosted in the past so it scares me when it happens. I know I'm not the only one with these thoughts, so I'm looking for advice on how to cope with them. The negative emotions are so strong I feel a burning feeling in my stomach and sometimes end up crying. It's hard for me to do or think of anything else when it happens.. I have not talked to him about it and dont know if I'd have the courage to tell him even though I've already opened up to him about relationships being a trigger for me.",3.763767798466596,4.270323963855424,4.583406352683465,89.08037787513693,71.40963855421687,7.241182913472071,28.94633077765608,6.980632752743323,1.30964578313253,622,23,138,5,11,201,98,166,0.107,0.83,0.063,-0.7985,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,1,15,6,0,2,9,0,9,2,2,2,0,24,25,15,1,1,6,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,9,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,2,5,19,3,24,22,0,22,0,1,1,0,10,8,0,3,15,92,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193485065682325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899213348122115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110563487621597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114540253190609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830736257482632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164725618669583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255749970670521,0.15187342075361107,0.11958299359918935,0.0,0.0,0.08917596872236717,0.0,0.11375574963302652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048025423331407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053963411081647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387861942653951,0.0,0.12094669599600745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296233165507693,0.0,0.14453608183315908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000731295174025,0.0,0.0,0.1484011508222492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596138677098275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337838528716808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607961728882323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148948850325887,0.10268480102927358,0.0,0.1584107180422932,0.0,0.0,0.12888685568141184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899106263112433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517331781156205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439755915303748,0.0,0.133533039621692,0.0,0.09556413464754396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21703948283856786,0.11800884212138267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302399970809096,0.13265130592409402,0.10718662984765176,0.07872818622159591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830068812367312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wallflowerseesall,2020/01/26,"So I have to move soon for my mental health, what’s the best place I can go, I’m willing to go anywhere I’ve been suffering with no resources and off of my medication for 2 years and I’ve degenerated super hard and almost done some really stupid shit, just got out of a relationship that meant the world to me, and I need to get the fuck out of this town and go somewhere where I can see a therapist, and any advice on places I’ll look into!!!",7.819516129032259,4.928647913978498,8.449543010752688,75.89431451612907,64.48387096774194,11.880645161290325,32.92741935483871,10.125756701596842,2.773367741935484,348,9,78,6,4,118,66,93,0.187,0.732,0.081,-0.8607,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,3,0,5,0,6,4,1,0,0,15,17,7,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,10,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,4,0,0,4,3,7,2,15,12,2,16,0,1,2,1,1,10,2,2,2,49,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19555082164424356,0.0,0.0,0.2003870444244226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608559090967293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21000916224251928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20478791901707888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850038116043753,0.10455223422910727,0.0,0.3411912239372315,0.0,0.16005086812890407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17926442982601454,0.0,0.0,0.21271371356443144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804685258842714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015955925055588,0.2016696359086587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21269140159862174,0.0,0.148383313300936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41815678986879423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819929127415838,0.0,0.0,0.2148494537126644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594663655286462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20541596978314827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323498415096585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288679996065704 bpd,Connors_Town,2020/01/26,"favorite person I fucking w i s h I would split on my favorite person right now, I just want to not care about her and what she thinks of me. I'm making myself sick from jealousy, it's insane. I'm tired of this, I want to hate her.",-1.803676470588236,0.07988694117647199,0.7786029411764694,100.83496323529413,101.15686274509804,2.5500000000000003,14.21813725490196,3.1291,-1.4847862745098044,178,4,42,0,8,60,38,51,0.312,0.534,0.153,-0.8729,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,8,10,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,11,1,7,9,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,0,1,26,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113816951463286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28234285675331044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015251229127247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038608266962091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5333373479439468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608149915510549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19569178522234307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35101918417913136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36027265514848794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21695160685436704,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MLBisMeMatt,2020/01/26,"DAE write themselves notes? I write reminders for everything in my life. Every once in a while, I’ll write myself notes or post-its being like, “smile tomorrow” or “be nice to X”. Not sure if this is just a me thing.",2.1277906976744205,4.145850558139537,2.872267441860465,93.61677325581397,78.30232558139534,6.16046511627907,20.05232558139535,7.1686216300943375,0.29123720930232544,166,4,36,2,4,52,36,43,0.045,0.777,0.17800000000000002,0.7039,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,9,3,4,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,4,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,3,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548933301750714,0.0,0.3785625094838809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975178904497635,0.20578525735743208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.448582156654442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034092698292445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969918594438716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27983773264082074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,randomnesss95,2020/01/26,"Anyone wanna chat? Idk, tell me your problems, or positive things happening, whatever you feel like. I used to have a good friend (she had bpd too), and the mutual understanding of one another is really something I miss having in my life, more so recently. I feel like I can't explain to anyone what I'm going through, and I don't mind solving it on my own, but sometimes it would be nice if another person could relate. The 24/7 swing of emotions is a lot, and I know a lot of people here can relate. So if anyone is feeling lonely, or just bored or whatever, feel free to message me 👍",6.792442528735628,5.833404853448275,7.818965517241383,73.43925287356323,65.1206896551724,11.1816091954023,33.98850574712644,10.504223727775694,3.4739126436781618,457,17,87,10,6,156,82,116,0.099,0.738,0.16399999999999998,0.8335,0,2,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,0,0,5,10,0,0,5,0,12,1,0,1,0,25,24,11,0,6,7,0,4,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,7,1,1,1,2,4,0,1,1,4,13,7,10,20,4,4,0,2,0,0,9,2,0,7,3,63,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514637564426813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515467751436897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110727182302485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338063314618065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18851528200725712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389525200846552,0.239451501828684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947899257100848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524479884493622,0.1405658614652647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481985673596225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210263605915596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183732011895567,0.16375122608049786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849566728037148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921730772285448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135627724740076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161852429887813,0.1463324166045805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036022153932245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736192656335956,0.0,0.16547410714223246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901834622864136,0.16574999428246542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146480338965654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133881117617876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744662572749282,0.0,0.14474325191113266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905055229915372,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BubblyForm,2020/01/26,"Does anyone else have waves of intense overwhelming hatred for people who really emotionally hurt you for selfish or terrible reasons? I go from desperately trying to attempt revenge in some sort of way in my head, to then becoming paranoid that this person will do something even worse than what was already done (in this case backstabbing me at my most vulnerable, lying behind my back, etc), even as bad as killing me somehow. After this, I get extremely depressed that I keep thinking about it and letting him win over my head. Once I realize he is in my head, I start feeling nearly uncontrollable anger again and start planning revenge and its been a never ending cycle. Has anyone dealt with this?",10.351226666666667,9.450010696000003,9.4326,64.54196666666667,58.04,11.853333333333332,41.63333333333333,10.864195022040775,4.759133333333333,567,26,86,11,6,179,97,125,0.33,0.629,0.040999999999999995,-0.9931,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,3,6,10,2,2,1,0,9,3,3,1,1,15,16,7,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,9,0,0,3,1,14,1,21,11,3,17,0,3,0,0,5,7,0,5,8,69,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639854819206735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22354179792833398,0.16378530644233738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291485152308912,0.1334681474149196,0.0,0.17654186457317786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767864746901165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398858901392866,0.16358213986470374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353423788670385,0.17980983494861225,0.1415797328790985,0.0,0.1782751037546328,0.21115895247220468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082500798196803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351507396003545,0.0,0.09084648935444116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4921569243544559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17112282642729318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420821038164823,0.17685043977390433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345754622954706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328624312155045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17023512789679385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081992474473737,0.1395749320539874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240406024154347,0.1643525145391828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306040812023852,0.0,0.0,0.22628543154840705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242548260018973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852771763021814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688156027949798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290089711815006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BreadBorke,2020/01/26,"#2 In all aspects and corners of my life. Lately, I have been crying a lot. I can't talk to anyone without receiving what seems to be a commonly generated response. Exactly what you'd imagine someone who never understood, or maybe never even cared, would say. It's been difficult to find purpose in life, joys in hobbies, or really anything to distract myself. I come from a large family, second-born, first to leave that special, taxing Hell. Being one out of 11 siblings, I feel like nothing more than a waste of space. Even then, that title would be generous if applied. When I was young, I never gave human interaction too much thought. I was a crybaby who could take no criticism, a kid would get on the better side of all the adults and authority figures-- which I see now was out of pity. I knew I was treated differently. Conversations were shallow and monotonous. They thought my affinity for animals was all I cared about. I would often be bullied for physical attributes I have no control over. Tack on prejudice towards me in the mix, and you've got a person who still couldn't apprehend the gravity of it all, and really didn't even care. It wasn't until my freshman year that I began to notice that people were different; treated me differently than others, and really began to wonder why. It was perplexing to me, why everyone had their go-to subjects at hand and ready for when I engaged them. Like a script, and I grew bored of it quickly. I played dumb when I began to learn, grew as a person and as someone who could think and understand why. I read up, I watched people, I studied their every interaction towards me and others. My parents never really spoke to me because they were too busy, understandably. If everyone I have encountered, there were only 2 who were genuine. True friends who approach me without me having to always come to them. Skipping through highschool, I've never known anything about intimate relationships, or even what it meant. I had crushes but was embarrassed to say anything, and thought of myself as bad and manipulative for it. The one time I did divulge information about my feelings in an honest and true way, it was ignored and my heart was stomped all over. I understood that rejection was common, but after crushing for three years, it took nearly as long to forget. Somewhere in my mind, I managed to obscure the capacity for platonic and romantic love. It all feels the same for me. Social interaction is few and far between-- anything meaningful, anyway--, so I would cling to anyone that didn't seem like they wanted to run. Afraid of rejection, I foster and harbor the closeness under a guise of friendship. Because they can never know of my truly feelings, lest I be hurt, and they leave. I quickly noticed in my time searching that.... People don't think much of me. They tolerate me, but that's about it. I learned over time that when someone finds someone important to them, they make the time to let you know. That's when I learned and experienced that I don't matter all that much to anyone. Those unforgettable conversations I enjoyed so much? Those little details I remembered about you? The jovial emotions I feel just being around you? Unrequited. Never returned. You could never give it a second thought, and as quickly as possible, you discarded those memories deemed immaterial. They don't care about me as much as I care about them. Nobody ever has. I can shower them with love, subservience, I can be willing to give up my life for them, but in their eyes, I'm someone to avoid. Now, nearly 23 years of age, I understand that it doesn't matter how long you know someone, they will abandon you and leave you wondering why you weren't good enough. Call you toxic for just wanting to be told once that you mattered. Or tell you off because you wanted basic human affection. Even now, I've never experienced it. Intimate relationships are still unknown to me. Hugs don't exist for me. Kisses are myths. The person who loves me and wants to spend time with me is imaginary. Every waking hour, I find more reasons to understand why nobody would want me around. I don't want to be me. I wouldn't love me, not a single version I've been or tried to be. Finding solace in meaningless sex? I certainly wish that was a luxury I had. I've not been successful in my search. Finding someone who accepts me and doesn't run as soon as I tell them who I am and what I'm going through... Is not possible. Like me, everyone else deals with their own issues, searching for their own fixes. I'm never that fix. Never the rebound. Never the second option, even. All I want is to give you love and know that you love me back, but that's not enough, and nobody gives me a reason why they don't accept me. It's just silence, and they wonder why I jump to conclusions. Silence is an answer. Lack of response is adverse. They think that the best answer is to run. They call me selfish, an asshole for having feelings and wanting someone to love. It's been years since I've had a day where I didn't want to just kill myself. Not a single day goes by where I don't wonder why I'm alive, why nobody wants me, why I'm not good enough for anyone, why nobody is interested. They all want to keep their distance. The loneliness is driving me fucking insane. My favorite people... Or any favorite person at any given time don't understand. And they are so forthcoming with rejection. Even something as basic as a hug... How can you call me your best friend and favorite person to be around when you never want to talk, never want to hug, never even want to be around me. You wonder why I feel the way I do when you leave me alone, wondering why I can't be good enough for a single fucking individual on the planet. You get mad at me for expressing my opinions and emotions, you get distant. But if I remain quiet, you drift further away. This life is fucking madness. I can't win no matter what I do, no matter what I say, no matter who I make myself. All I can think about is mustering up the strength to off myself one day. I don't want to grow old and alone. I know I'm just going to suffer. I'm too far gone. I'd rather not go through any more years of my life watching everyone else through my lonely lens. I don't want to feel the jealousy anymore. I'm tired of hurting people and I'm tired of hurting myself and being hurt.",4.464597039473689,6.224276989309215,5.25825,80.16175000000003,71.04769736842105,7.850263157894738,29.165131578947374,8.468865429502053,2.2694280921052634,5033,199,907,83,95,1634,418,1216,0.149,0.715,0.136,-0.843,5,5,1,0,0,2,177.0,0,24,28,9,57,75,9,4,40,0,103,26,4,10,30,222,209,76,1,33,30,1,9,4,2,9,7,5,1,9,58,48,0,5,59,2,2,18,51,30,0,7,49,20,166,45,147,131,34,130,1,11,4,15,110,46,5,22,68,676,224,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451573537558959,0.0,0.0,0.02591597093440224,0.0,0.0,0.06354105363946386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030888467445029738,0.08711204256545108,0.0,0.10252203210573042,0.1109061899476777,0.0,0.0,0.029262696645088387,0.023949355058059767,0.026005612924496144,0.056958946068225075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653716206770097,0.027546110071598764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541065928039463,0.0,0.15877713763391801,0.0,0.0,0.05365905032366943,0.0,0.0,0.034932892628590215,0.07460265105089584,0.0,0.03421242361909085,0.060259789089741,0.032110163191540704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976228373523948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05203698065657009,0.07007012621752237,0.0,0.12872859467677414,0.0,0.16457313868193815,0.028173344360508487,0.052483704490244185,0.11904536875453085,0.0,0.0,0.029361681273270362,0.0,0.12598684632455834,0.022250711954834083,0.0,0.0,0.14233442002471294,0.02649277565578601,0.0,0.0,0.04812665188395149,0.08638193829397782,0.04881750579814903,0.11951234291150638,0.0708039688407892,0.07837137299855639,0.0249103051710343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036908165488352886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03067254070862755,0.0,0.1333697686768512,0.0,0.0,0.032508336882587426,0.0,0.027684000017344067,0.03445843949560183,0.0,0.08558514812320553,0.0,0.03513404988484358,0.13191648724215807,0.0,0.031848899974754284,0.10999672095290801,0.06086545853239006,0.03121647902178938,0.0,0.05512646803908753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026479219373197645,0.19677339660981,0.0,0.04158039993108431,0.0,0.03129034799199499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0314485859822051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447948566431415,0.0,0.3603257833010093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029885431486970482,0.07091986548733169,0.032682492572369,0.0331694784709452,0.0633160164746683,0.02368794003927541,0.0,0.0,0.034583952297612915,0.0,0.0,0.10796358992959533,0.13597744957360142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022488096968915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03115443321464427,0.0,0.07981171250574126,0.06404656030755451,0.0,0.06687830588337748,0.035282351732940406,0.0,0.0,0.07430565905239529,0.0,0.0,0.024819333229951418,0.056708305766954535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025764296911536574,0.0,0.0,0.03174942944553113,0.2111192694298808,0.023977716046036213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974647911432978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02341791933880761,0.050067957517585034,0.05444596178316045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982840867116127,0.0,0.09890579464118948,0.10896891473275122,0.07159550119651621,0.0,0.029761342188632706,0.034604357191225885,0.02114609268904093,0.0,0.0,0.16212044638750212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939315282505193,0.04944449754932169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653575218492879,0.0,0.035816368260765515,0.060047274095593385,0.20265908074741876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275136854230712,0.0,0.0,0.10028502920693208 bpd,bordeline-throw,2020/01/26,"Everything is falling apart On a throwaway because people know my account. I’m struggling so much at the moment, and have relapsed after months as well as using drugs more heavily than I have for a while because I don’t know how to cope any more. My FP has asked to go back to being friends, which I would be able to work with if it was due to an issue in the relationship or because of some lack of feelings or any other normal reason for the ending of a relationship but it isn’t. Things were almost perfect between us and I completely adore him however he is best friends with my ex, who I believe would not react well to finding out, and FP doesn’t want to hurt the ex or risk the consequences of him finding out which might involve either never seeing my ex again or being unable to see me. He also says the guilt over hiding it is too much for him. It is destroying me though as he means the world to me and makes me happy and I feel as though my happiness is being controlled by my ex still even though we are over, and it feels hideously unfair and I feel selfish saying it but I can live with the guilt and it upsets me that I don’t mean enough to him to try harder for us, I feel less than and like I’m not good enough. If positions were reversed I would choose him and risk everything else although I know that that’s just my way of thinking. I just don’t know how to work through these feelings or what to do about the situation.",5.512364945978391,5.3277881156462605,5.924773909563829,83.38759303721487,67.50340136054422,8.55030012004802,29.879151660664267,7.928766900206844,1.8248757903161263,1142,37,235,12,17,368,154,294,0.129,0.747,0.12300000000000001,0.2489,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,3,0,0,5,17,20,1,6,13,0,27,1,0,7,2,64,49,32,0,8,14,4,6,1,2,4,1,2,0,0,17,16,0,1,17,0,1,2,8,9,2,0,3,10,33,11,43,38,11,22,0,1,2,0,24,9,0,10,11,184,50,2,0.09728319540664844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741506767129672,0.0,0.0,0.07779733621924632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231181771887535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094665543915434,0.0,0.0,0.0748047723344307,0.0,0.1779087989097556,0.0,0.0,0.10960484746613504,0.10209271168308114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199957949362362,0.0,0.10911137580656442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281762130128745,0.0,0.08126762665527196,0.0,0.08616403594809716,0.20103909258480515,0.0,0.06425463306642394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748637263496883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295135839783393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17783015633598392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503215108995528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528828184171622,0.08159652873715298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20711954096809065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414367274172218,0.0,0.0,0.10153838103688533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21385720008056314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0475276553116816,0.0,0.08590284385483274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493728835033036,0.0,0.0,0.2119398386876666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320209679056236,0.0,0.0,0.07765051843776435,0.0,0.14302868434362784,0.0,0.07503079761636824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953168763203689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744391859832821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002332737134964,0.0,0.20889148929439968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472700329783798,0.0,0.0,0.15504422288265976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935038764317848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769048551757593,0.0,0.0,0.10170151828529804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463063229575469,0.06233514349331595,0.28674073665981104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604890384445396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340394118205568,0.08402144582590712,0.0,0.0,0.05738014917152188,0.0772188723537796,0.0,0.0,0.1749385518253321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416466497866107,0.0,0.0,0.20732157247694785,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rosemarysuns,2020/01/26,"My FP hasn’t texted me in two days and I feel like I’m being a big baby over it. cw: light mention of self harm. I logically know that he’s busy, and that he has a life of his own — but it’s so hard to not be upset when he’s been online regularly and posting stuff and still ignoring me. I feel like it must be because I’m a horrible person, and that I’m not worthy of love. In the hours/days he’s texted me I have felt like hurting myself, like blocking him, and outright just yelling at him. I haven’t done anything, but I even, at one point, wished I could hurt him as much as he was hurting me. I hate having BPD. I hate feeling this way. I don’t know how to cope with him ignoring me; I feel like a big, overgrown child throwing a tantrum. Fuck.",2.095740740740741,2.9499778950617284,3.7330246913580254,92.34361111111113,75.60493827160494,6.6345679012345675,24.61111111111111,6.816661863887847,0.6349777777777774,577,18,138,5,12,193,94,162,0.304,0.595,0.10099999999999999,-0.992,0,0,0,0,1,1,21.0,0,0,0,0,6,17,4,1,6,0,14,3,0,1,1,27,29,13,0,3,5,0,6,5,0,1,1,1,0,3,8,7,0,3,8,0,0,1,5,11,0,2,4,8,23,6,13,20,2,14,0,3,0,2,15,8,1,0,8,84,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116493788980422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629512190415206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829288055940634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302605316992285,0.0,0.0,0.1825920668963577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486747924156804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350062662476152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863128010358976,0.3033966092818847,0.1359220989067325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308721528391167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681210000676793,0.2795271141224287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4546364143246545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559797995483685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998970590837672,0.3458011774072392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776558822558448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406464851818276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592634234527828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236068227784392,0.0,0.0,0.13382222004718827,0.0,0.13557764270901915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768045133397978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130519113098966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16205507348103146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828588984899312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236563976440576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16278976764376826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shypersonns,2020/01/26,"Can you be diagnosed as BPD later in life? Hello beautiful people of this sub❤️ After stumbling in BPD memes and relating to this meme in particular https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDmemes/comments/etjld5/_/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share Made me realize I should probably get tested. I always noticed that I am too sensitive and have attachment issues. I thought it was normal that I could cut off people from my life if they did something that I did not like . I always feel like I have a connection with strangers and I get fixated on them. To the point I don't do care about anything else. 26 F",6.2945989304812855,9.831209921568627,5.263618538324423,73.84082887700536,72.33333333333333,8.022816399286988,25.93939393939394,8.841846274778883,2.4553019607843143,500,17,77,11,11,149,76,102,0.09699999999999999,0.84,0.063,-0.2978,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,2,0,2,4,1,0,2,0,12,3,0,1,0,13,18,5,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,1,15,3,13,10,0,8,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,4,54,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31106469115281765,0.20252765300396325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381916586325198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4708381864309237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19057731390900834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924034467052086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897197820853772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614760640680658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451232683039107,0.1335356267314863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19531588458701094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19509583101998199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640541318528701,0.18263926044074766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17686814589835415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18314183273412613,0.0,0.21280956548237692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25917347138723856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766997403190868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015312861333068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390008491847098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839353569445593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Coolneymarjr21,2020/01/26,"Hello, i am in big trouble. so its almost midnight and my mom tells me that she does not want to keep me and files BPC(beyond parental control)on me. I will have to follow her to court 2 days later to let the judge decide whether I go to a hostel or boys home. Backstory: When I was young my father used to abuse me and just last year due to a blood test I found out that my father had been giving me various poisons throughout the years that weakened my immune system to the point that I had 6 allergies, asthma and other respiratory problems. So obviously my mom filed a case against my father for poisoning but somehow she failed to provide evidence(i have no idea how) to the court so the case was closed but my parents still divorced. In the same year, my grandma who was the only person in my family who actually liked me passed away. So after this series of bad events my preexisting symptoms started to get worse. It was honestly the worst periods of my life. Since my mom is a doctor with a bit of expertise in psychology she figured that there was something wrong and brought me to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with BPD. Even before getting diagnosed I was never good with social skills. Although i had no problems making friends, I always found it kinda hard to keep my relationship with stable as i would often overshare. As I soon started to realise that I did not fit in and started to spend more time at home on my laptop than outside with friends that I told my mom I had. Just last year I got into Fortnite in where for the first time I was able to communicate with people without having the fear that they would judge me. Slowly, some of my schoolmates who play the game realised I played it too and started to play with me. As I played more frequently with them, we started to become good friends and i could actually feel a bit comfortable to talk with them in school which was probably the hardest thing to do for me. I feel like I was the happiest at this point in my life. So on Tuesday, I will be sent away to live in a boys hostel where I will have 0 to no freedom, no access to any electronic devices and will not be able to go to school. I thought about this a lot and I decided i would run away from that place and try to live independently off the little money I have. I tried asking my mom the reason for her to do this and her response was that she was not obliged to tell me anything because she is the parent. At this point, I really don't know what to do and how I will survive all by myself.i can barely stop myself from having another episode.Thanks for reading this fully, i just needed to get this burden off my chest .",6.609725991131114,6.3425641151631496,6.772405850817398,78.50633397312862,65.23800383877159,9.412694420544048,32.93672645443113,8.841846274778883,2.6057250777682177,2108,78,405,29,29,678,255,521,0.121,0.77,0.10800000000000001,-0.315,3,0,1,0,2,0,37.0,1,0,3,4,21,24,2,1,25,0,43,12,2,6,3,75,72,29,0,8,12,11,3,2,3,8,10,0,2,3,29,26,0,3,11,6,2,7,11,11,0,1,24,3,75,13,80,36,10,67,0,1,0,0,45,31,0,7,30,308,104,7,0.14260297309219752,0.08448060225176496,0.13915993101181126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139813929752534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059328548649351324,0.0,0.0,0.04848745588350365,0.07476582553472214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586750481470576,0.0,0.06665726492742625,0.0,0.20097028113440973,0.0,0.059533763000909776,0.043464724402030384,0.07874689001687159,0.06067231344810072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556855127704605,0.0,0.08980172627794686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997068004991126,0.05692843515229519,0.0,0.0,0.04598356019742427,0.0,0.0,0.1447390159195788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729800927826106,0.06239641136872976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04709395940336307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721669584586408,0.08023399535758616,0.07210434793533728,0.0509377962352436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060649008031730324,0.0,0.15635679950132111,0.16526205490359352,0.0,0.1117562515800174,0.06839888295686973,0.08104455589510036,0.11960860807750293,0.0570263123056703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387212690607118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304240914719976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049069946377446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675207469517286,0.0,0.0,0.03918543231077023,0.11624045603541988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291060081689804,0.10072469716596012,0.06966860949844768,0.07146282109180811,0.12592103784798972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06061797409620522,0.0,0.0,0.04759429593463773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175371964508757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05286914881607671,0.05499210202156792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0542279934863449,0.0,0.0,0.23751558854220856,0.0,0.0,0.04943147307665673,0.062257707825510065,0.07449487769285021,0.0,0.20220885438968397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687506202915394,0.1364517862970452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132078174097636,0.0,0.045677558060339456,0.07330980341520446,0.0,0.07655111271407354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432182197868776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058981326480164416,0.0,0.0,0.07268288632581724,0.0,0.0548913678186452,0.0,0.0,0.2523377958203296,0.0,0.0569414592595994,0.05961123542176209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410954537299494,0.0,0.057309434033446786,0.12464128396304915,0.0656448291548146,0.0,0.0,0.04736953941365577,0.0,0.0,0.05660541586426875,0.08315294039279211,0.0,0.0,0.06813162595287554,0.0,0.0968180580246043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061581591395077274,0.0,0.0,0.042055464122705034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873208863095827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266230624688688,0.15195159090827826,0.07795698244328214,0.0,0.18366327849849695 bpd,_anathemadevice,2020/01/26,"I'm pregnant And I'm freaking out. I want this baby so much. I am not good at wanting things this much. I'm only about 6 weeks and every little twinge I am convinced it's a miscarriage. I've been spotting today and yesterday and even though I've been told it's normal I was in hysterics this morning. It's too soon to have a scan even. Also my mood swings have gone insane. I keep going from excited to hopeless to worried to irritable to tired like every five minutes. If I lose this baby I'm pretty sure I'll kill myself. We've tried for so long and I'd pretty much given up hope.",0.6540766550522648,2.9168321138211404,2.9941521486643445,89.24432926829269,85.58536585365854,5.140301974448317,20.167828106852497,6.5431188927421005,0.35779256678281124,462,14,94,5,14,158,79,123,0.21899999999999997,0.629,0.152,-0.877,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,9,11,1,0,2,0,7,1,0,0,1,14,19,10,1,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,6,1,8,6,12,13,3,12,0,2,1,0,1,5,0,2,6,56,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131109552087762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334242541497737,0.0,0.297763527481339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042564509537974,0.1482119494946836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550814828958525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706371301381947,0.19549813785762654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632924166844241,0.17710504621111545,0.0,0.15637855349899316,0.0,0.19768793464072787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896959920044351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17313359131603712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343922776291868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35954545792347825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654257265284392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173950921427652,0.0,0.17361197523811525,0.0,0.0,0.20309664871342914,0.16749588094995915,0.16884940418627906,0.0,0.11997124083927035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20845062658001853,0.0,0.14174226370268128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945272194541018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,blurrydie,2020/01/26,"Feel like a piece of me is missing I never got or could relate to the chronic feeling of emptiness. But I do often, and stronger during certain periods, feel like a part of me is missing. Either that there is something wrong with me, something outside of myself that I need or that there are some thoughts that I can't access. Basically I don't feel like a complete person sometimes. I don't feel 'whole'. Can anyone relate??",3.8934920634920616,6.032763604938271,4.5105114638448,83.33444444444446,73.44444444444444,5.616225749559083,30.08994708994709,6.1826913282559595,1.5978910052910047,336,15,58,2,7,107,50,81,0.125,0.7070000000000001,0.168,0.3939,0,0,2,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,4,0,10,1,0,0,2,18,20,4,0,2,4,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,5,10,4,6,17,5,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,5,47,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384693635959968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076339609703337,0.0,0.0,0.15811333403691386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5006574842657606,0.4244247063722045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838517855547088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902469415164818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468390509003236,0.15273535225528953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21445057323984767,0.0,0.0,0.17291488387926615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049111451047021,0.1958598216264571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721617857406894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210969088525272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21651813145029944,0.0,0.0 bpd,nnaomiimoann,2020/01/26,"I think I have BPD Can people please comment with what makes you BPD please? I would like to see if anything mentioned it similar to me. I'm aware that it effects everyone differently but I guess I'm just curious of other people's experiences. I'm thinking of seeking a diagnosis.",3.7694444444444457,6.176784462962964,5.666444444444448,73.67300000000003,74.74074074074073,8.764444444444445,33.022222222222226,9.3871,3.6013155555555554,227,12,39,6,5,78,40,54,0.0,0.8370000000000001,0.163,0.7184,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,10,11,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,5,10,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,23,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778648067150942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5444415366162694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258203008013695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20653103600224315,0.0,0.21142639762392507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381025819041049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559508814968206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427513081776394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996885279884627,0.0,0.0,0.474513636853521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17223559920038214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27698757402753466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353965726177424,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mateothegreek,2020/01/26,"DAE think about starting over clean slate in a new place and leaving everyone they know behind, never to talk to them again? Has anyone here actually successfully done this? I'm awful with finances and have ruined so many relationships with it. It has made my mindset and life so much worse. I made a spreadsheet of places to move to if it ever came down to it. I really just want to start over and move past all of the disappointment I've caused to others.",5.439128787878786,6.569899806818185,5.684545454545457,80.43015151515155,67.97727272727272,8.593939393939394,26.03030303030303,8.841846274778883,1.769312121212121,365,10,70,6,6,116,65,88,0.13699999999999998,0.784,0.078,-0.7691,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,1,7,3,0,0,3,1,4,1,0,3,3,18,13,7,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,6,7,0,0,2,0,1,3,1,2,0,0,4,0,5,1,17,9,2,16,0,2,0,0,4,6,0,1,7,49,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.1753007601583492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560705582381446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20545799860491046,0.0,0.1845376940387352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838320275150701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624928417985426,0.0,0.17165179277574782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872433855444394,0.0,0.0,0.1902106883173789,0.0,0.0,0.1268836212516782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33995560952869674,0.0,0.1821247213782621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818534977899341,0.13205458830301384,0.0,0.13854788827493936,0.1734954851984949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148478303581674,0.0,0.0,0.3753669204205484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508069301176953,0.0,0.0,0.192863968128952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254297380588564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438620768582155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151047672513372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059551377457444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18306645350171827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,eleriiiii,2020/01/26,"Is this splitting? Can't figure it out So I'm writing on here because Google isn't helping me out much and I don't know anyone with BPD who is in a long-term relationship that I can ask about this. Basically, my issue is that I can go from being completely fine and happy and enjoying being with my boyfriend one minute, and he will just say one thing and my mood completely plummets; I'll feel like I want to die, that he's better off without me, that he doesn't love me the way I am and that I will never be able to move past what he's said and be happy again. I want to run away and stop existing. Normally the things he will say is just a slightly insensitive comment or something he's phrased wrong. I know he loves me and I know he understands my mental health (the best he can - he tries his hardest) and I know he doesn't mean to hurt me. But somehow these rapid 'spirals' always happen and I go to the absolute extremes of dark places in my head? And when it's over - often after I've felt shit for a couple of hours (sometimes longer, sometimes shorter) and we've had intense arguments - I just suddenly feel fine again, and I can't relate to how shitty I felt just moments before. Is this splitting? Or is it just something else? I hate that it happens because it leaves its scars in my head and is just utterly exhausting and I don't know why or how it happens most of the time.",4.622029839026304,5.0264260459364,5.343786808009423,84.75326953278369,69.45936395759718,8.267687475461328,29.50314095013741,8.167268648758528,1.8638968983117388,1093,39,228,14,18,355,148,283,0.111,0.765,0.124,0.4576,0,0,2,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,2,16,16,2,0,8,0,26,7,3,2,1,54,50,24,1,3,11,0,4,1,0,3,2,3,0,0,21,20,0,1,12,0,0,4,9,5,0,2,4,7,28,10,25,39,3,26,0,1,0,2,23,10,1,6,12,149,49,0,0.10628521046692388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843780943917019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431709041270712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936232433780358,0.0,0.09985845392885577,0.0,0.0,0.12958095559395896,0.0,0.09044088583170493,0.0,0.11153977110864607,0.09400063148198033,0.0,0.0,0.1338625018929132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22287604202763744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176025638046392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030726819401168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878765512478914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074819918506586,0.07593017559435962,0.2041009395899997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080866890397846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819629818108086,0.2262851658149968,0.0,0.1049346410409994,0.21815857844605194,0.1129762086058316,0.0,0.0,0.07124073617989655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466952278465197,0.0,0.113780516047851,0.0,0.0,0.11093414596287543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920578603711799,0.0,0.0,0.11254069151158153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051925585160787865,0.0,0.0,0.09405906666270496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918531041961356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577575277561805,0.0,0.0,0.10711049360236684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296435830590745,0.0781318590262445,0.0,0.08197370658747782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413693977066683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404321859050914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146125981292216,0.0,0.0,0.11104542328403323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411053991184553,0.0,0.0,0.10110157422233952,0.16904453067855596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910024118478226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636470952860169,0.21023758171516446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885919508703417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122234220310573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061975760946284576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216068116259318,0.0,0.0,0.1106466524453356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537954177648036,0.08436425289931528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590587083943933,0.0,0.0,0.10245515009353433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620619271371815,0.0,0.0 bpd,amethystkateg,2020/01/26,"if you use discord actively, i have something special for you!! would anyone be interested in joining a cute aesthetic server focused on socializing and music? like a server for all the outcasts, loners, losers, people with 0 social skills, ppl with disorders, or just bored people that just want a place to fit in? my server is all of this, pm/msg me on reddit for the invite. we are a community thats based on music + socializing, dedicated to bringing different types of people together. Our goal is to meet new people and make new friends, real ones that will stay. you will never feel bored or lonely or left out ever again here.! :) No pressure at all to join; the server is sporadically active & theres always room for more members, we know the uncomfortable feeling of rejection/being ignored in a convo. we also luv rock+metal & horror movies!!",5.1643771712158815,7.4752230258064545,6.341290322580651,70.83501240694794,70.35483870967742,8.382133995037224,28.69727047146402,9.057496981413335,2.8267320099255584,679,26,105,14,13,227,108,155,0.151,0.642,0.20800000000000002,0.86,1,2,1,0,0,0,33.0,4,3,0,3,7,11,0,1,9,0,9,0,0,2,5,28,16,7,0,3,6,0,2,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,4,8,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,0,2,10,5,21,12,4,19,0,2,0,0,12,12,0,4,6,73,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478871617365432,0.12984150979436332,0.33814826290554145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910993028776038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16303327170117554,0.1788404958555158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115116801852162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15780155779631794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055957999368185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575796659456733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16954278667456896,0.0,0.0,0.0762354519745299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416090368697492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035112464063465,0.3014174668945611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573977971658984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4327263849696553,0.0,0.16303327170117554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776127834214273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4772030958923201,0.0,0.12013066617176628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663226558269649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347723311003973,0.0,0.0,0.09203907867472168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084952314044744,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nothingtosee--here,2020/01/26,Need help in return for free art I need to catch a cheater... Just need a pretty girl no older than 30 to text my boyfriend on Facebook. Send me screenshots of him hitting on you. I'll give you free art. Please! My fake account got deleted...,0.8212499999999991,3.2852086250000028,1.2966666666666669,100.015,87.75,3.2,22.583333333333336,3.1291,-0.3709416666666661,186,7,40,0,6,56,38,48,0.092,0.645,0.263,0.8687,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,7,4,8,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163140353762177,0.0,0.0,0.26372101689738703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22101594152227905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7334880228730135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619525042237815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354613462853994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,itsmadx,2020/01/26,"Is this BPD when you think everyone hates you? Like, I always assume everyone is talking about me. I get upset because I become convinced my best friends hate me and then I want to cut them off. It always happens with disassociation as well. Any thoughts, is this my BPD?",2.5835294117647045,5.390655490196083,3.689705882352944,83.74867647058825,82.33333333333334,5.752941176470588,26.14705882352941,7.1686216300943375,1.4726705882352946,214,9,39,3,6,69,39,51,0.175,0.573,0.252,0.6072,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,1,1,3,9,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,10,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,11,5,5,9,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,3,27,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358378188194932,0.0,0.0,0.13723512368611016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301917517855784,0.22287907242084395,0.0,0.0,0.21178313708979124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5083356422159938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856689093790847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591495526737167,0.0,0.1054354006194114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784565398737728,0.0,0.0,0.39848364844513023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859230668371284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220416445146627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930925256385864,0.0,0.16021156618529722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190305144989008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144799316587085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LadyWhiplash,2020/01/26,"I’m having a panic attack Hi whoever is reading this – I just need to get these thoughts out loud because I can’t just sit with them. I’m outside at 130am trying to muffle my cries and quiet my breathing so I can just react and try and eventually go back to my room and sleep. Im on vacation with my parents, and my mom has been having heart problems lately- and tonight it’s acted up. I woke up because I heard her and my dad whispering, realizing she had moved from my bed to his to be comforted. She always sleeps in my bed, normally she and my dad have a very strange and distant relationship though they’ve been together 40 years. This just overwhelmed me so much because I realized that she did that because she was scared. She was scared because she has the symptom that she is worried is eventually bringing her nearer to the end of her life and wanted my dad to tell her she’s okay. I don’t think I’ve seen more affection between my parents ever in my life, as my dad trying to comfort my mom right now. This is a couple that never hugs, never says I love you, they’re always like strangers or former best friends that live in the same house. I am incredibly overwhelmed by watching my mom be worried about her life and watching my dad try to comfort her. I have had a very strained relationship with my mom for the last 20 years, as I’m sure many of us have. I have emotionally and verbally picked on her when she did littlest thing wrong, when I felt triggered for whatever reason– even though intellectually I know that’s not fair. She is the oblivious/absentminded kind, not malicious at all, just not always present. Watching her suffer, be scared, worried about nearing the end of her life- this is one of the most painful things I’ve ever witnessed. I sit here contemplating our relationship over the years, and feeling this overwhelming and crushing burden of guilt & shame because while she makes mistakes, I also ultimately I know she just loves me and does the best that she can. I am sitting outside crying, shaking, trying to slow my breathing til this wave passes. But I know it will come back again.",5.692834967320259,6.668536404411771,5.863137254901961,79.94133986928107,67.30882352941177,8.495424836601307,32.51307189542484,8.626192665926032,2.5536120915032683,1695,71,317,25,27,538,205,408,0.154,0.7490000000000001,0.098,-0.9711,2,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,2,1,1,2,23,31,1,11,13,1,32,14,5,5,6,58,54,28,0,5,11,11,2,1,1,1,6,5,3,0,18,20,0,0,9,1,0,7,7,18,0,1,13,11,66,13,40,37,7,48,0,4,4,3,49,15,0,2,24,221,84,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060678065601704516,0.18940490512370708,0.08221168992207611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631998321677603,0.0,0.11668802824398627,0.0,0.2775200873444812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925450813647188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653605156019291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839554280421331,0.16669259960786267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639965999731944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535036587945942,0.13440735325518358,0.0,0.0,0.05011542849526749,0.13726849823290813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03836522070910472,0.0,0.07285292595978259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05862166330480285,0.0,0.039642114798538464,0.0,0.043122119029150544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991350803597689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755079722716662,0.0,0.0,0.08195917577742932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901325056717685,0.12509851088585544,0.06184912392696763,0.08559151165760841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21437404807240176,0.03706921505345795,0.0,0.06699995974292776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696223077887634,0.0,0.050647865775426924,0.07692642555195031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35546054361025364,0.0,0.08064425424289286,0.055777641711729366,0.05626114433072149,0.11704060527429486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434243838397747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05141558858113808,0.0,0.08073748792244896,0.0890242194917845,0.16850279235951435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726031515066532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589660293696254,0.0,0.0,0.07801323689072598,0.0,0.24438750939985845,0.0,0.06479774902503413,0.0,0.060339696143341275,0.22789554765624695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518617331701238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715122978252822,0.07886428894513133,0.0,0.0,0.06631902937388663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081737850945242,0.04861832178314821,0.14909570665926195,0.060237123977901486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575743537735022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126956958918904,0.0,0.0,0.12521140793130106,0.044753671846207134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231167495966358,0.0,0.0,0.08295857109572599,0.0,0.14658510375972744 bpd,sugartea63,2020/01/26,"How to treat your fp like a normal person again? Hi there, So recently my best friend/fp said I was overbearingly treating her like my mother, and putting her on a pedestal, and she wants it to stop. I will ask my therapist about it this week, but in the meantime, does anyone have any tricks or tips for how to treat her normally again? Or better yet, how do I get rid of the feeling of needing an fp? At the moment I'm trying to text her less (we used to message daily), and I'm also trying to stop asking for advice on everything...does anyone have any other suggestions? Please help! I love my best friend and I don't want to lose her. Thanks, Sugartea",2.861186675919498,4.605790885496186,3.8270645385149216,88.83582234559334,75.25954198473283,6.595697432338652,22.596113809854263,7.348242739294969,0.7675740458015268,510,14,105,6,11,164,84,131,0.048,0.645,0.307,0.9921,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,1,0,4,10,13,1,0,6,0,6,1,0,4,0,20,19,12,0,5,3,1,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,4,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,2,17,11,16,16,3,13,0,1,0,1,19,4,0,2,10,68,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431573672993654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262870451305001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147794424281123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208400104262825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952642066701289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314506000946289,0.13966572373377106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381951908911181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984813475985633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440142600455825,0.0,0.08250568786244994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584917166007833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430161090292746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666995667753851,0.0,0.0,0.14252724809226658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170942679653884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094524117804129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788799113055414,0.0,0.17334664861048624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875130477345964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15592506942340967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021627314379762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640532004215324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538976676807425,0.0,0.1833550821733529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214432043717227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363905325889704,0.0,0.0,0.18628837027523126,0.0,0.12667237195450898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CaptainSpaulding117,2020/01/26,"I am so miserable with my life All I've ever wanted is to be happy, just once. I can't seem to get there. 22 years on this earth and not one I can say I was truly happy or content with. I'm always miserable with myself and the people around me, I'm never good enough, I'm just never enough. I just want to be enough. I can't cope, I feel like I'm an inch off the edge of the psych ward cliff and no one else can see it but me.",-0.317596371882086,1.041501163265309,2.2627891156462603,98.23379818594108,83.28571428571429,5.171882086167801,13.950113378684804,5.82211442006289,-1.0986634920634923,326,3,85,2,9,113,63,98,0.114,0.8140000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.2052,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,2,4,0,9,1,0,0,4,21,19,6,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,1,3,11,4,10,16,4,8,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,2,5,57,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535739939756513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430318769455693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418150788351906,0.0,0.0,0.5721191521270209,0.0,0.0,0.16695083614834574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332229548447604,0.13185424201759546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964283036166862,0.0,0.0,0.15480550320634975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929486371499801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036467592683632,0.09016979901735374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28469790469620765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965571461615751,0.2501338796645327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795507257980174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677457470213512,0.0,0.0,0.14707549030611525,0.16802227920125853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177240381185066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118854682390688 bpd,cat_in_the_sun,2020/01/26,"The feeling of wanting to kill myself doesn’t go away. The feeling of hopelessness doesn’t go away I don’t belong anywhere Killing myself feels like the only solution.",3.4120967741935497,6.5563030322580635,3.800241935483872,81.62036290322581,83.19354838709677,5.680645161290323,30.330645161290327,7.1686216300943375,2.3827354838709685,138,7,21,2,4,43,21,31,0.322,0.488,0.19,-0.8555,0,0,0,0,0,3,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,3,3,1,5,9,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5077585092290212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.409891905521125,0.1930442103217311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30714289682638884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5979136537159139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201515081973164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055134095624733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938192189917108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Salmonella25,2020/01/26,"I was someone's FP and I left I don't have bpd. I had a roommate who had bpd, but I didn't know this until after I cut ties with him. Now, after reading through this forum, and learning what an FP is, I feel terrible.",-0.3412499999999987,1.4516723750000011,2.4123333333333328,94.86600000000004,85.66666666666666,4.673333333333334,22.1,5.6839178017228535,0.09762000000000047,166,6,39,1,5,58,35,48,0.163,0.8370000000000001,0.0,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,9,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,1,8,0,5,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,30,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8045752211546637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16150405479603094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554021049605087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470415361134069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194979435281827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706363327062273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,anonymous962345,2020/01/26,Chronic Emptiness? I’m not diagnosed with bpd but I’ve been suspicious for a while as I some of the characteristics. One symptom I’m curious about is chronic emptiness. I’m wondering what is meant by this. Is it not feeling emotions strongly? Or is that to do with self identity or something along those lines.,2.1751532567049807,5.0536284310344834,3.4026436781609237,82.14561302681993,92.27586206896551,6.715708812260536,32.30651340996169,7.793537801064563,3.1342352490421463,251,15,43,6,9,81,44,58,0.212,0.74,0.047,-0.8495,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,6,4,0,0,0,12,12,5,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,1,1,9,10,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,31,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43113327255230105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474421271494644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3850578660253462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308455404518114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319612413548517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571087980397793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635305135368678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557959534667539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3712255962976755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,babyfairys,2020/01/26,talking to your phone helps? omg i really don’t know if a lot of people do this but talking into the mic of your phone and rereading what you said helps so much with either talking yourself out of a dark place or trying to figure something out on your own. i just did it and i genuinely feel so much better and it made me realize that i was feeling upset over something so small that i could easily figure out. yay!!! i hope to continue this.,2.5491292134831447,4.530543280898879,3.995941011235957,86.22851825842697,76.86516853932585,6.6971910112359545,23.484550561797754,7.645422480735847,1.176785393258427,348,11,68,5,8,115,60,89,0.034,0.727,0.239,0.965,0,0,2,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,0,1,4,4,0,1,3,1,5,0,0,1,0,23,11,9,0,3,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,8,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,3,11,3,13,6,5,9,0,0,0,0,12,8,0,4,1,54,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19373076798238315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489255705004592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215152015175129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29364744287717737,0.0,0.0,0.21756477731137872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203834329471428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622736536701293,0.0,0.20726916950744534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220519865538835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186078278806242,0.0,0.22885926184302854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403282016729143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20836546850301133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372687709435629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5281891255777652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871968368043298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,waffle2112,2020/01/26,"They say it gets easier But this pain hasnt faltered one bit aside from a couple fleeting moments. Its been years. I still love him the same amount i did when he left. Despite everything he said and did, i have no doubt i would take him back in an instant. And my bpd fucked it all up to hell. I would give anything to go back and tell my younger self everything. Tell him about bpd, tell him to get help, tell him to quit the drugs, tell him to love a bit more gentle. But I can't. And that moment is gone. Forever. And I'm never gonna get another chance like it again. Im just so tired. We used to do everything together, so how am i not to see him in everything i do? Ive tried so hard too. I started therapy, got a good job, doing well in school, getting back in shape. But whats it all for? It was so easy to go through life when it meant being there for someone who loves me. But alone...it just hurts. And im so tired of hurting. I just dont know how to be anymore. I wish i wasnt so fucking unlovable. I wish I could have been better to him. I wish I could say I'm sorry. But I can't. And I have to find a way to love with that for the rest of my damned life. If that isnt hell I dont know what is.",-0.4074812030075208,1.3989675375939858,1.645075187969926,100.18874060150377,86.03007518796993,5.1533834586466165,18.14661654135337,6.367922702773337,-0.4116375939849624,919,23,236,9,28,305,140,266,0.14,0.6779999999999999,0.182,0.9022,1,1,1,0,0,0,37.0,1,0,1,2,22,18,5,1,8,0,28,12,0,3,3,38,57,23,0,8,10,0,1,1,0,3,6,3,0,1,14,9,0,0,4,0,0,3,10,10,1,1,10,5,34,8,26,40,8,23,2,2,1,6,28,7,5,2,13,152,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884075604405547,0.0,0.0,0.08361397587031774,0.0,0.0,0.0693808679074158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19449014097232306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456633408396536,0.18409181309154646,0.0,0.2123738081350202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346311375690059,0.09328865054984882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976240092203748,0.0,0.09777413207878206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030935926266922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705883616687519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558885435585906,0.17619632134527008,0.08087890872371357,0.09583190478310856,0.0707161672608806,0.06743130455403233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552620304169365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056511966469035176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18051359524103705,0.0,0.18214095471271152,0.0,0.08366577708478629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267037314514308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160427846592048,0.0,0.11910287472744725,0.04119015446557863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30437630975441365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502593328508192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713139683539537,0.0,0.08971297595302706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967525407802036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019918208020711,0.13409517309530722,0.0,0.0853273544979873,0.06718504676542185,0.0,0.08795488563113334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143653829412322,0.0,0.0,0.09437939607866797,0.05967584461449376,0.0,0.06733096926387233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339146951893136,0.0,0.3684581747925109,0.0,0.09641711339635856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19380645932409574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05724171608706592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281773757393276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692224261961903,0.0,0.0,0.07580582215149792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29086088102437857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978440115016893,0.0,0.0,0.05429359696906424 bpd,spoiled_21,2020/01/26,"All I Want Is You I did a bunch of ketamine and took too much Wellbutrin, for a minute I thought I might od and I didn't care. I thought good, finally my suffering would end. Either id die or people would realize how much I need help. but honestly there's only one person I want to care and they're further from me than they'd ever been. The thought of you not caring makes me want to drive a knife through my chest. I just want you to know that I would do anything for a second of your attention. I drive you away so you never get to see how I truly am. but I love you and there's no one who will ever compare",1.054545454545455,2.7125423333333347,2.7348484848484844,95.04727272727276,80.21212121212122,5.915151515151516,21.60606060606061,6.816661863887847,0.29821515151515143,476,14,112,5,12,157,82,132,0.133,0.708,0.158,0.5104,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,7,1,0,9,7,0,0,5,0,12,2,1,3,4,32,29,10,2,8,6,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,6,0,0,3,4,1,0,3,7,1,25,6,13,16,5,10,0,1,1,1,12,2,0,2,5,83,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136192002634125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856054067807727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.451091291510876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530589962125109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062183319382664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668047907305177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16155506275641274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705122645833393,0.0,0.0,0.12369764308997708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885146960540203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105011333571077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310475379041672,0.0,0.0984427847839641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645097080120807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21682676238053386,0.10935315117929216,0.11374421152403615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19986997057986708,0.11216374960927536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224275346613916,0.12877219869007933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175209610146663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35124344180985584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638536085852619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479456453610999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142926577148545,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,moncka,2020/01/26,"Daughter of a mother with severe borderline Hi all, new to this group and looking for support. All I want in this world is to talk to my mom again and to have a relationship with her...but I don’t know how anymore. We haven’t talked in 4 months now. She cut me out of her life the week before my wedding due to a BPD spiral and kept my dad from coming and walking me down the aisle too, which is a loss that will haunt all of us forever. Our relationship has been rocky my entire life, but this is the worst. She’s had 6 suicide attempts and each time verbally blamed me as being the reason she didn’t want to live anymore. It’s toxic for me to maintain a relationship with her, but I love her so much and I know that so much of her toxic behavior is the result of this fucking horrible cage of a mental illness and a trauma response to the abuse she endured in her youth. I know that the reason she freaked out the week before my wedding is because of the severe fear of abandonment associated with BPD and there was nothing I could say or do to console her. I love her so goddamn much and I miss her and all I want is to hug my mom. But right now she hates me for things that are out of my control. For our past. Because I was molested while she was drunk by the same guy (her uncle, my great uncle) that molested her. She hates me because she hates herself and she hates me for forgiving her and loving her and I know that she hates me because she loves me too. And that’s what’s so fucked up about BPD. And knowing how the disorder operates in the mind doesn’t make the loss and conflict any easier. But I’m just at such a painful loss of how to deal with this situation.",4.363517786561264,4.724076884057972,5.233155467720684,85.474476284585,70.01449275362319,8.243741765480896,28.435441370223977,8.150884317080207,1.6722753623188402,1315,44,283,17,22,430,158,345,0.27,0.626,0.10400000000000001,-0.9973,0,0,0,0,1,2,26.0,4,0,0,5,16,28,10,1,21,0,22,12,0,8,4,60,48,30,1,4,6,5,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,16,27,1,4,8,1,0,2,4,20,0,0,7,2,57,8,45,38,10,26,0,5,1,7,51,12,2,1,12,208,73,0,0.0,0.09944826863679587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057078115090221426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648028940076992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20466196846825196,0.0,0.1428435964180534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171364536082255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230185701793697,0.0,0.0,0.09413931080853148,0.0670146064445177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653244565058253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619583266723378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094449278431345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519157877476056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253772078935073,0.0,0.08310802625314112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41433808883258416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23064012893025065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857037562621114,0.0,0.0,0.07411541149772875,0.0,0.07048356500107564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030154684501825,0.0,0.05602671147610255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458590370701237,0.0,0.0847495866358523,0.19660537530144698,0.06699545519997482,0.0,0.18510382172016465,0.0,0.0,0.08106414620935645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053710161684159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931187665820718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012466438991701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725966157774079,0.0,0.2703416672722327,0.0,0.07167932415995054,0.0,0.06674782233408298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18964344657934853,0.0,0.0,0.09434552587462887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181036094753373,0.09524750356183613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492621594235565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055762134208887114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04894269059231938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096247420562618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851964766737408,0.0,0.13465385966984786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,loonymoonyme,2020/01/26,"Is this a BPD shit or I'm exaggerating? I've been diagnosed almost 10 years ago, still I keep to question myself, like I'm not even able to validate myself. Sometimes I split hard on people (only the few I obsess about- I could be a cold fish with everyone else), over the smallest thing. Yesterday I was angry with a friend who's always been nice with me and I know for a fact that she cares about me, yet I felt left alone because she bailed on me. I don't know if it's totally normal to split in this circumstance. Yesterday was my ""reward-day"" after a long and stressful time, and I wanted to celebrate that I'm doing it. Not only her, but even another friend didn't show (in this second case I wasn't surprised, since this person doesn't pay much attention to how others feel) Fact is, instead of worrying about what happened, because it was so weird and unusual for the first one to vanish without saying a word, I went straight to ""I hate her"". So I smoked, I drank and I cut. Then it turned out she had a good reason and she wasn't been selfish or uncaring. My anger disappeared immediatly, but now I feel angry again about another silly thing. I actually can't decide if what I always call ""silly things"" are BIG things and perfectly legit reasons to feel hurt, so I'm not really splitting, I'm just a human being who get angry because I've feeling too. I costantly doubt myself, so I can't tell. Also, I never act on these thoughts on others. I don't yell, I don't even say that I'm angry, I don't stand up for myself at all. So I think people don't realise to hurt me, because on the outside I look as I was made of stone. I'm not even able to cry. Every therapists I had always doubted my BPD diagnosis because of this. Because I seem really unperturbed about everything, and I agree that I always rationalize my feelings and I'm able to control my reaction towards people. No one would ever see me blowing up. My reactions are always cold, even the self-destructive ones. So am I really borderline?",3.4598250000000017,5.101723932500004,5.1265000000000045,80.57200000000002,73.425,8.1,26.5,8.751876143730069,2.06975,1583,56,301,31,32,537,203,400,0.174,0.728,0.099,-0.987,0,1,1,0,0,0,55.0,0,0,0,3,26,22,4,4,13,0,30,3,1,5,7,60,61,25,0,6,12,0,7,1,2,1,1,3,0,2,24,13,1,2,16,1,1,3,18,12,0,5,17,14,53,10,41,40,4,35,0,2,2,0,17,16,1,9,16,213,77,1,0.2456948246929446,0.0,0.07992090233192099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725978792376211,0.0,0.08200929212869612,0.0848219135665671,0.0,0.06549402084661751,0.340729627244281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17175496414463767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995465693518085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20629602049712256,0.0,0.0836272954465708,0.0,0.08350074949204926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185587924937666,0.06538910838249147,0.0,0.08996140932834505,0.05281761203374604,0.0,0.0,0.08312502507596965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841549971988325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704651908443516,0.07408167840964774,0.06900282884490112,0.07825731133816935,0.07360488864675586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070511427803824,0.0,0.07863518726630353,0.0,0.0,0.06966263079018642,0.0,0.0,0.12654880805693644,0.0,0.04278846840738031,0.0,0.0,0.06869238734681311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242237401878389,0.0,0.0733647678477063,0.08085759100920499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534759427668595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279494972745759,0.0,0.0,0.09001830011764987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088982715307413,0.0,0.0,0.040011360273336134,0.0,0.0,0.07247739609600433,0.06877392430641897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749412792559879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060204655386056787,0.0,0.06316499846956286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024292074946808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648917184398046,0.1245746570745389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033385557860714,0.07151041467690221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174481118608567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739839607384667,0.16841013346640998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025759070933687,0.0,0.0,0.0652623216880298,0.07455711358272832,0.08543776206831745,0.0,0.08406740227260161,0.06774709930875544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099948800724074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540406812557632,0.0,0.09381419718986893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158270207313197,0.0,0.0,0.09509020946515584,0.21763829892474104,0.05247710764701141,0.0,0.06501808214265388,0.047755542701299086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908180540698382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048305724445767965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592052133382535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894701445457776,0.0,0.0,0.08317167359542921,0.0,0.058178184710989275,0.0,0.0,0.0527398038936687 bpd,ratposting,2020/01/26,so sad ... i really wish my crush wanted to date shot my shot and told my crush I like him and he says he’s attracted to me but doesn’t want to date bc he has a “mental boundary” about dating close friends. We’re best friends and hang out a ton and I get it. I just feel really sad and embarrassed. I have stupid hopes he’ll change his mind down the road. Most def my fp. I looked forward to seeing him all day and now he’s gone and I’m really depressed. Idk I just feel super crushed right now.,-0.3348693759071111,1.8156893301886825,1.3937735849056632,99.59280841799708,89.66037735849056,5.148330914368652,15.701015965166908,6.67199483983844,-0.4890354136429607,383,8,93,5,13,124,70,106,0.215,0.557,0.228,0.4106,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,6,12,1,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,21,16,9,0,4,3,0,2,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,9,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,5,0,0,2,5,15,7,7,13,4,14,0,3,2,0,12,6,0,2,8,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326678684264801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345366592651833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298270446347902,0.0,0.19095595539817906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22420348983651947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425806303217521,0.0,0.115832781853683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22020512364186387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831486469871086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861780818037667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234285581265555,0.0,0.2238609167014229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4260936358590665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893366074330424,0.0,0.17631034307853954,0.0,0.0,0.17667181258702286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118505852181052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615371220459786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549521633916248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tin3019,2020/01/26,"Drug use to cope. I have tried to kill myself 6 times. At first I was just diagnosed with major depressive and generalized anxiety disorder, then on the last hospitalization when I was 19, I was finally diagnosed with BPD. I'm a guy in my early twenties now and when I was diagnosed with it, I was glad that my severe depression and anxiety finally had a name, and It made sense to what I was going through. I knew I had it, but I dismissed it and kept on living. During that time, since being diagnosed I have suffered from chronic alcohol use and weed usage, to better deal with my emotions. I have been on Meth and abused ecstasy, because it helps me deal with the severe feelings and emotions I have. Since being on Meth and going through the withdrawal, I have better understood myself as a person. I'm trying to get help now so I can feel better mentally as well as physically and not need drugs to cope. I'm just wondering to those who have this illness, what have you done to deal with the emotions that you go through on a regular basis?",7.058154815481551,6.689574950495054,7.753006300630068,72.18501800180022,64.34653465346534,11.503870387038706,35.1953195319532,11.022393298168332,3.9295089108910912,828,34,152,21,11,277,104,202,0.136,0.728,0.136,0.452,0,0,5,0,1,1,20.0,0,2,0,4,8,9,1,0,8,0,20,9,0,3,0,32,37,18,1,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,9,0,0,2,13,16,1,1,5,0,0,3,1,4,1,1,14,2,23,5,28,21,1,22,0,3,0,0,11,7,0,1,12,114,36,0,0.0,0.12065205813018876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882544538041224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579954851602085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06207470490726578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701814367826407,0.0,0.0,0.1282514898128793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31494719232101026,0.17541229145894002,0.4134217725009293,0.0,0.0,0.1167061564162284,0.0,0.0,0.1042075823772272,0.0,0.0,0.23618125444720986,0.0,0.0,0.3436355864364045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297675142759673,0.0,0.0,0.22309987010291624,0.0,0.08661666048231485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053202042451753306,0.0,0.17361723653171568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082784297834613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650918548866192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265995656023613,0.0,0.0,0.08300515079704067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991787447829154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635413552096632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262082498716303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550575453097721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891414577313594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23007813463566906,0.0,0.1684698792717654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187559407787919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827195419398775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17589708280265412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915575203250932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104304372056456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SuryanshuBhandari,2020/01/26,"WhatsApp group invitation. Hello everyone, I hope you are doing good. We have created a WhatsApp group for meditation, exercise, self improvement and to listen each other, we also talk about our daily life and other stuff. If anyone is interested into joining, just text me and I will add you. We have people from around the world ( 80+ ) and is quite helpful. Have a nice day/evening/night. :)",4.2940000000000005,7.1118124000000025,5.335714285714285,74.61928571428574,75.0,8.0,27.142857142857146,8.841846274778883,2.666428571428572,308,12,49,7,7,101,56,70,0.0,0.7120000000000001,0.28800000000000003,0.9668,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,4,2,0,1,4,4,0,0,3,0,8,2,0,0,0,14,10,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,3,11,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,4,6,9,1,3,0,0,0,0,13,3,0,2,0,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365865331860535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20686117250401767,0.0,0.0,0.2633640977169425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079506130024565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826918510518556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24814011368635294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982981590692495,0.0,0.0,0.2938400852154039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089635370523628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776297797782908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20510114691707687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146667672143783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086300653040768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33867087660910833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377883950818219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LunaBaby78,2020/01/26,"Low-key suicidal Do you think five valium and a glass of wine is a call for help? Because hubby doesn't seem to care what I take. Unhealthy relationship codependent with my bpd but here we are, 24 years into a relationship where he still calls me a fucking bitch for waking him up. Idk",2.328988095238099,4.863526303571426,3.6428571428571423,85.56880952380955,80.60714285714286,7.3047619047619055,21.833333333333336,8.344100000000001,1.4067833333333333,227,7,45,5,6,74,51,56,0.23800000000000002,0.731,0.031,-0.9033,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,1,1,0,0,3,3,2,0,4,0,4,3,1,0,0,7,9,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,6,1,7,9,0,5,0,0,0,1,9,3,2,1,2,28,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725844962902485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30424817291796225,0.0,0.4933386845636157,0.0,0.24629607889688596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22332699579596801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191886087265472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5187102106702699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21991568747588586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19291761596425056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642376893802277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816301073007807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478790219169686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556275817665755 bpd,gyllenhalls,2020/01/26,"can u ever feel yourself trying to/trying not to split on someone i don’t wanna go into too much detail about my specific situation but i had something happen between a friend and I and it wasn’t really a big deal and my friend was really kind about it (like they always are) and anyway every time we’ve talked after that i can damn near hear my brain telling me to split. Even though they were nice and kind, they still hurt my feelings, they don’t recognize that, it would’ve been easier if they just told me something awful and said never speak to me again. Sorry the post is kinda vague and It’s kinda hard to explain exactly how i feel but tldr my brain wants me hate my friend for being kind to me. And i don’t want to but here we are. Splitting is usually easier for me than this. Has anyone ever felt like this before?",2.18339285714286,4.305778886904766,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,78.58333333333333,6.3428571428571425,18.833333333333336,7.413659706084162,0.4676833333333329,655,14,130,9,16,216,101,168,0.106,0.672,0.222,0.9795,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,5,0,13,12,2,0,3,1,16,2,2,1,4,31,29,14,0,4,6,0,5,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,8,10,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,8,8,24,9,17,20,1,14,0,1,0,0,17,4,1,3,10,94,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079338458001113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310318777881953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330280464037447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972840175491687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727418001865208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794584183089206,0.24088776643095905,0.1121865599882338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20197741894647125,0.0,0.12784709411357756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086194222217325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756735235718617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774614379376964,0.0,0.11927831172935653,0.13146033483130962,0.0,0.0,0.15007232523590924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254229669576454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159729076794251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010298112863958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788226506220828,0.0,0.10269526639103783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752310173646395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060155261055115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266583338675389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966876996826234,0.0,0.0,0.11281951614605447,0.20501429963500373,0.0,0.14905310439193134,0.0,0.0,0.1063356029755973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702277924339333,0.11638098371731755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082146386076254,0.0,0.07764217997601469,0.0,0.0,0.12723273378677094,0.0,0.18080334984103985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664845262116222,0.0,0.157073358992026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458757732608866,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,spud_simon_salem,2020/01/26,"We are shutting down the r/BPD chatroom on Reddit #Hey r/bpd! This is bittersweet but after much deliberation, the mod team has decided to shut down the r/BPD chatroom here on Reddit. As of Sunday 1/26/2020 at 8:00 PM (CST) the chat will officially be shut down. Unfortunately it has become too much for us to handle and we aren't in the position to add new mods to moderate the chat. The chat has had some questionable content and reporting of questionable content has been seldom. There are just too many messages and interactions in a given day, even if someone was monitoring the chat 24/7 it would be near impossible to maintain any semblance of sanity. Anyways, we don't want to leave you totally in the dark without support. We have made the decision to allow the community to promote their own Discord servers. You do not need mod approval before doing this. We just ask that you tag one of the mods in your Discord post so we can keep a list of Discords promoted by r/BPD so people have a list to choose from. Tagging a mod is easy. If you wanted to tag me, spud_simon_salem, in a post, all you have to do is type u/spud_simon_salem Anyways, so sorry for the inconvenience this will cause to the active users of the r/BPD Reddit chatroom, but we hope you understand our decision and we hope the member-run Discord serves provide an adequate alternative. If you are an active member of the Reddit r/BPD chat we encourage you to post your Discord severs there before the chat shuts down on Sunday evening.",5.349404761904765,7.000770919014088,6.054708249496982,75.74072769953054,68.6830985915493,9.21234071093226,31.481556002682765,9.606745405546679,3.113927431254192,1207,51,212,27,21,394,147,284,0.11699999999999999,0.77,0.113,0.3509,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,11,10,1,4,14,4,0,0,25,0,27,0,0,3,2,43,38,13,0,9,9,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,14,0,1,7,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,0,23,4,41,28,6,26,0,0,0,0,36,18,0,8,5,153,29,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756433164787133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288285954035544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972901952458364,0.1690863846311118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7507995838806802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020642354739802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407530473434549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312451574850618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973624775718323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831066773575583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520185907393964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940114418422132,0.0,0.10072966688573767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607368609633994,0.07366995523816205,0.0,0.0959570029701071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732504563096617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887976240325537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854618687243057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22259911072039792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224207999229824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418257677520034,0.0,0.0,0.11121900565334526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274608331251988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343133120307407,0.11951099086639655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720348175901354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577400064606964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057844477834277,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,madeitforreaons,2020/01/26,"I'm actually a terrible person Honestly, it's been a good bit since I've posted or even commented, or scrolled on this subreddit. I didnt want to think much about the fact I had BPD, thought I had the skills I needed. You know, all that jazz. But I've realized this weekend, after abusing alcohol and multiple days, that I am fucking up my relationship with my S.O(who I've been with now for 2 and a half years) because I am craving sex from other people, and have gone as far as getting myself a sugar daddy, who has now sent me almost $900, bought me drugs, a new phone and multiple other things, just for the trill of it. I realized that I am not okay, under any circumstances. I'm messing up my relationship, which was basically perfect. And started craving sexual experiences with older men, and even women. I am cross faded right now because I cant even accept reality.",6.242470588235296,6.393220070588236,7.490588235294119,71.63764705882356,65.94117647058823,10.8,34.64705882352941,10.577609850970193,3.767576470588234,692,30,126,17,10,237,113,170,0.071,0.868,0.061,0.1098,0,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,0,2,8,8,1,0,8,1,13,5,0,0,3,26,26,11,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,12,9,2,0,6,2,1,3,3,3,0,1,10,1,17,5,16,16,3,21,0,0,0,2,10,6,1,3,11,86,29,0,0.0,0.2129461817793504,0.17538686500677686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920726710620248,0.1799698480397679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222199927483482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21911887123912546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19621448367537675,0.0,0.22635888261182024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590854359064227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20842535602716905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561224200295656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758067300237061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615399442040654,0.0938995320804152,0.0,0.0,0.15074582637409462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877283032481432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211945134353767,0.13326471490764724,0.0,0.1735807033255721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459953138157105,0.15693000303510238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212803794783424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3859173994721867,0.0,0.1534852099651154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867138651310816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721114363844133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940211459102973,0.11516130481870727,0.0,0.14268254315240125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600718116567873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573779319416283 bpd,catsandbutterbeer,2020/01/26,"I’m never good enough.. . DAE ever feel inadequate in your relationships with others? I know my partner loves me but I always tell him that he should find someone prettier or “normal”. I feel like I’m pushing him away even though he tells me he just wants me. I can’t help it though. I’m never good enough, skinny enough, pretty enough or smart enough. I feel like I don’t deserve love or happiness because I’m so flawed. I always obsess over his ex’s and stalk them on social media, and I just can’t see why he’d want to be with someone like me? I feel like I’m subconsciously ruining my own relationship :/",2.1072677595628413,4.326420737704922,3.656967213114754,86.95189890710384,79.327868852459,6.361748633879781,20.8224043715847,7.492282038375204,0.7172437158469935,478,13,97,7,12,158,74,122,0.105,0.595,0.3,0.9852,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,1,0,8,12,0,1,0,0,6,3,1,0,3,23,21,9,0,4,6,1,4,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,6,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,0,5,21,10,7,18,6,8,0,1,1,2,19,4,0,3,7,57,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909954742306132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783008356395472,0.0,0.0,0.06996265574043724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5929398480179391,0.0,0.07580442564678277,0.10381593034692536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321244062347285,0.24597488316408694,0.0,0.0,0.10489759430881372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19252706615869652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217467514817773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692783368055015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307452649281167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242830713555455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071686015909305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703521902456762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245011789953907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167622320614158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24643980694891746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145673786139256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169934429400625,0.1944882997343832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20062787377401467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22552165568680796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538850177472544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356196856661154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rice1811,2020/01/26,"Can anyone help me with tips for substance abuse? I feel I am falling down the rabbit hole into crack and benzos and basically anything to numb myself after a breakup of an abusive relationship. Nothing I try that used to calm my anxiety works, not crocheting, not reading, nothing. And the aftermath of the crack binges make me feel worse and rinse and repeat the cycle. I can't even afford therapy and since crack is cheaper, I give in. God, I hate myself.",5.823215686274509,7.290279341176473,6.177352941176469,76.00642156862747,67.35294117647061,8.490196078431373,31.81372549019608,8.841846274778883,2.8016666666666667,364,15,61,6,6,117,63,85,0.22,0.705,0.075,-0.93,1,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,6,0,4,1,0,2,0,14,10,6,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,2,11,1,10,10,0,7,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,41,12,2,0.0,0.5027214141005335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622926507844648,0.0,0.0,0.14833882476052335,0.0,0.17457974014555178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012176307820526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214536821416258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035117071046688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094522436527964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219834255235345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161044735497538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4071234840723664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21220542524500105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22776757390945554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549103026792182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24260974401159566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403457640946127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183227769946726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544462815755489,0.0,0.2161969515758148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cassxcf,2020/01/26,"My boyfriend broke up with me over symptoms & substance abuse issues Hi everyone. This is my first post, but I’m feeling so poorly about myself that I don’t know where to turn. We were together for a year. He has some mental health issues of his own, and we met at a hospital. He knew I was addicted to heroin and other substances prior to the hospitalization, but the year and a half following was amazing. I was clean other than a couple one-time incidents. But one happened to be extremely painful for him, and it just really affected us. My BPD symptoms that exacerbated this whole situation were things like constant need for reassurance, not feeling loved enough or feeling doubtful/unsure. In the days leading up to the break-up, I was in a shitty situation with my family that I put myself in and speaking very openly about my sisters drug use in the home. I didn’t, as usual, think about how painful or stressful or worrying this would be for him. I was just in a poor situation and it made me unhinged for a couple days. The communication between he and I, from my end, was selfish, incessant and pathetic. I have done so much work on myself and I finally got to a good place. I was working again, I was living with him. Everything was amazing. But after the incident in November when I used, everything changed. I know he loves me and doesn’t want to let me go, and god- I want to exploit that and manipulate that so much. But I’m aware of it. And I’m trying to allow him the health and happiness he needs, that I am a barrier to. All of this has me feeling so poorly about myself. I hate what I am. I’m so terrified that I’m never going to be what I need to be. I feel like a loser. I feel like I’m a terrible person. I ruin everything good in my life. TLDR, I ruined the best thing in my life. And I am so scared going forward.",3.2397540983606565,4.956044614754107,5.062535519125683,80.49626229508199,74.1639344262295,8.267978142076503,27.50054644808743,8.936278230431713,2.277681530054645,1443,56,281,31,30,493,178,366,0.205,0.644,0.151,-0.9838,0,0,1,0,1,0,49.0,3,0,0,6,16,23,1,2,20,0,28,12,0,8,2,60,63,32,0,6,11,1,6,3,0,1,10,1,2,1,20,21,0,1,10,0,3,7,5,11,0,3,17,7,49,12,45,40,8,38,0,4,0,2,21,17,0,4,18,210,69,3,0.0,0.10487616478819056,0.0,0.096494750093477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590629826595312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289135384524416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148193067235354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363745820522623,0.0,0.0,0.0956536013405527,0.0,0.0,0.19588100744520606,0.0,0.1141701007869412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058189102568212,0.0,0.0,0.10264965449059928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839828935913591,0.09145997387155663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845801691780891,0.2386555515755591,0.0,0.08344435387712032,0.0,0.2685359931552858,0.1264707061626818,0.0,0.09696419233847656,0.0,0.07529107500465475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091586658988382,0.14848488003718305,0.07079377711831297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827379374583658,0.09422619034772807,0.0,0.08739054038463566,0.0,0.18817526457851824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878807012238175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18477396723577527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729139581826236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905128986094465,0.1250419582324548,0.1297323239105575,0.0,0.07816063784849407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597770410594852,0.08375532379245873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920261053848412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013787084651854,0.1968989359328481,0.06826846163424992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199605257757396,0.0,0.1883730551038072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772881519687178,0.09247965640098448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477319631487994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898233173145853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05670517229484145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886192640313457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984847414928772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139398522570482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840025919737977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761127380891652,0.05671703470083525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060096083226305726,0.0962792363189379,0.0,0.0,0.10647301584388692,0.15289761092900386,0.09748710542673683,0.07303439843373573,0.10441724296501456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988241793178388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888039556796238,0.08989159099943554,0.0,0.0628787345385012,0.0,0.0,0.11400191137336076 bpd,Smitsha516,2020/01/26,"DAE instead of latching on to an FP, you latch on to fictional characters and obsess over tv shows or movies? So I’ve never really had an FP but I’ve noticed I have favorite fictional characters, movies or shows. For example I’ll watch a tv show or movie and really fall in love with a character in within that movie or show. So I then completely obsess over the character and whatever show they’re in. Like that’s all I’ll think about for a month straight (or sometimes longer). Until I then find a new show, movie, or character to latch on to and suddenly I don’t care about the other one and move on to my new obsession. Is this a BPD thing that anyone else experiences or something else?",3.152712895377128,5.169932051094894,4.452281021897812,83.47628041362532,75.2043795620438,8.946228710462288,26.015206812652067,9.516144504307137,2.4442316301703157,549,20,109,15,12,181,78,137,0.051,0.804,0.146,0.9465,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,3,9,0,4,1,0,0,2,18,7,18,0,0,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,2,8,0,2,2,3,0,1,1,1,6,3,22,6,1,21,0,0,1,1,2,11,0,7,9,68,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639392161266734,0.21452071634776027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26368977176259223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134630956283616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21951678708587236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34979768320661986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20480060680356946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19135718382198771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022858941530965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889614363322388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711433917309346,0.2225234508377988,0.0,0.0,0.16147634830460372,0.4044149318478762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383651427099237,0.0,0.0,0.1418721557455493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26825107620590044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118055689748575,0.2070688174599476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909379645804718,0.1341535964179632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,39orionis,2020/01/26,"platonic fp im asexual and currently trying to figure out if i might be aromantic too and i think i need some help here i usually only get crushes on people i don't really know while, on the other hand, i dont think i feel romantically attracted to my friends. the relationships with my fp are so intense tho that if i tried to explain it to someone else i know they would say im just in denial about my """"feelings"""" i don't think i AM romantically attracted to them, but a part of me is still scared i might be unconsciously repressing my feelings?? on the other hand, i do think these relationships (and my feelings?) classify as ""queerplatonic"". but then, are they really? or is this just how pwbpd-fp relationships are? oKAY so, i just wanted to ask those people whose fp arent simoultaneously their SO or people who don't feel romantically attracted to their fp: how do you know you are not romantically attracted to them? what makes these feelings different despite the intensity?",4.336925675675676,6.589934135135138,6.14099662162162,71.62879222972974,72.51351351351352,10.030405405405409,29.40033783783784,10.270032843473604,3.4944121621621638,785,33,141,25,16,270,97,185,0.099,0.763,0.138,0.7471,3,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,6,0,13,8,0,2,5,1,19,2,2,3,0,40,38,18,0,5,10,0,8,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,11,5,0,1,15,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,9,28,6,17,33,2,10,0,0,0,0,18,5,0,7,5,106,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170539364829708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360156079650319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257584081910847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087528556732892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949526608440234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058060172469256,0.0,0.06801628502665953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726025581982122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28124426199549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146388005802535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868994929276689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762114066663657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965305218495928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901155262218657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097765968154452,0.0,0.2707616444791023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16679967864505685,0.0,0.0,0.4193098824513026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352833072010677,0.13033788774445373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030532108351304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039659026160646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336691444163192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176774127726022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338037606752632,0.0,0.0767864811388276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247968298285164,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,QuestionableNow,2020/01/26,"How to begin? I'm not sure if this is the correct place for this post, but I hope it's gonna be fine. I've heard about BPD, but i never made an effort to actually learn what it is. Until recently I came across article about quiet BPD, and i decided to read into it. I have always been struggling with my mental state, I've been in pretty dark places in my mind before, but i always thought that everyone goes through, but they just better at dealing with it/cooping than I am. Them I read about the general 9 symptoms of BPD, and those hit very close home. Now, my question is how do I bring my concern to my GP? Without feeling like ""WebMD self diagnosing prick"". I hope I'm not coming over ignorant or anything like that, Im just trying to find a way that will help me keep my shit together.",3.9304882154882144,4.657021240740743,5.231414141414142,83.78681818181822,71.16049382716051,8.113131313131314,27.690235690235692,8.296473431620573,1.7599925925925928,619,21,128,9,11,207,110,162,0.1,0.758,0.142,0.8487,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,2,8,11,2,1,4,0,10,4,2,3,3,37,25,11,0,3,11,0,1,2,0,2,2,2,1,1,10,8,0,2,6,2,0,3,4,4,0,0,6,3,19,7,22,15,0,20,0,0,0,0,7,9,2,5,7,81,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.12623228936713302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21526824471338085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644853877803648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007198655630264,0.0,0.0,0.11440441067795595,0.0,0.0,0.4887560987461422,0.0,0.0,0.14794820917638685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142829266749328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333598205754936,0.0,0.13129308995362754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236047051734553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654060177166185,0.09241158122657564,0.0,0.0,0.11822856584679906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670425198672398,0.0,0.12975409409845567,0.2569583591889999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397261166196243,0.0,0.0,0.1149770947317263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263931077009144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239928348069593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035989976676696,0.0,0.13061216035939496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976692119377777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27029789074830485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238867933102533,0.13160102796115727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490774272638995,0.0,0.2587809721708739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772293158562004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349459777055157,0.0,0.13278154200443382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523043446686478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191600965836474,0.13444987372976722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269380249288572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782388024817586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673181874246193,0.0,0.10267635954214197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246940672905933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Tangerine117,2020/01/26,I lost everyone I’m starting my meds but it says 100mg at lamictal and I’m supposed to start at 25mg. Should I effectively cut the dose? Anyway I lose everyone. My boyfriend is my friend and his friends don’t really know me. I’m starting from scratch. I hope I don’t duck up this time. Cause I’m 5 years to 30 and if I don’t start progressing now there will really be no hope.,-0.27060975609756355,1.8875246219512216,2.142146341463416,94.30956097560976,89.3658536585366,6.694634146341463,21.614634146341466,7.908726449838941,1.0564058536585377,297,11,71,7,10,101,54,82,0.126,0.647,0.22699999999999998,0.8986,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,4,3,7,1,0,1,0,7,1,0,2,0,11,19,5,0,4,2,0,1,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,2,11,4,6,15,0,10,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,3,7,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20121485769020947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743288463157188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026609815272149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38909087648167867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764632036977116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21913105604732205,0.2138178067695438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21757002320354224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509616844176384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557655534681949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5545578263851122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421474172113125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261353706692275 bpd,kapity,2020/01/26,"How do you cope with (seemingly) random, intense depersonalization? Depersonalization: A subtype of dissociation, it's specifically feeling like you have no identity/are ""outside of your body""/can't connect or identify with emotions or memories. This definition may be a little specific to me. I'm also suffering from derealization where I can't connect to my surroundings or other people, and have a warped sense of time. I'm making this post because I'm curious how others cope and if you have any other factors in your life that you think contribute. For instance, for me, smoking weed every day used to help everything from appetite to dissociation but now I wonder if sometimes triggers it. I wonder the same about nicotine. I also randomly fly into spirals where I question my identity, and get f\*ed about about the little things I do that other people do. And I get f\*ed up about how much BPD and depression is my identity. And I worry I think too much about myself? And I feel super guilty that it's hard for me to focus on other people? It makes me revert to feelings of self hate that are so awful but so familiar, which makes me feel comfortable going back to just hating myself and....spiral, spiral, spiral. This is becoming a rant, to be fair I am currently dissociating, my apologies. Thanks for reading.",6.2806403013182726,8.352039305084746,7.273333333333332,66.26874764595107,66.96610169491525,9.651224105461395,33.026365348399246,9.994966539143718,3.8288726930320163,1060,47,159,26,18,355,133,236,0.14300000000000002,0.762,0.095,-0.9436,1,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,6,0,1,18,8,2,0,6,1,14,1,0,8,0,40,36,21,0,2,8,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,18,10,0,0,10,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,5,28,4,29,33,3,16,0,2,0,0,10,9,0,12,6,126,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197558998814259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343604800881808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056513684057939,0.0,0.08375716980646629,0.15174642723758153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17304926098701878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861100381397137,0.0,0.118341578134092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545554087218848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157646037848843,0.0,0.12348538333080035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27789229987720604,0.098157890278563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435706383248792,0.0,0.07808703176406746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230825376847912,0.27130618100369425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920956696145161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704899410152616,0.06712622288787927,0.2754198363561274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751447465451163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20200818411192925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857655495042251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159028450011806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391835224826494,0.0,0.13743620623831285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250829112042548,0.14333714776154202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589114812978578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649856126039152,0.0,0.0,0.09128180635923523,0.17607949344186638,0.0,0.0,0.08011847589284052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866864171785632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29800676119695724,0.0,0.13953537849212486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ctfobro,2020/01/26,"Reddit is so mean. People on reddit have been horrible to me when I was real, and real to me when I've been horrible. People will tear you down so ferociously and objectively that I'm not sure it's actually worth the heartache. It's cruel.",3.311875000000001,5.130496437500003,5.8066666666666675,74.80500000000002,74.20833333333334,8.966666666666667,24.5,9.516144504307137,2.315774999999999,191,6,36,5,4,68,34,48,0.285,0.68,0.035,-0.9274,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,1,7,8,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,4,1,4,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.306578591634945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3422165248068797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4356033029937581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7151744640458121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960957036127841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,EritriaRose,2020/01/26,"Drinking to calm my rage I am currently taking a neurobiology course and we have a group assignment that is due TOMORROW. I am the only person that has posted videos, articles, possible topics, and notes to the group discussion for the past week. I am literally doing ALL the research. I am working my ass off to do this project and no one is helping. It is 8pm on Saturday. I am a perfectionist when it comes to academics. I have to do good, or else I feel like a failure. This causes so much stress and anxiety that I cannot handle. So now I am taking shots of rum as I work my way through this assignment that is meant to be split into a group project. I cannot even calm down from the rage I feel right now. I just hate EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. How do I stop myself from going into a downward spiral when I am so freaking stressed out right now? All I want to do is drink into oblivion and forget all about this.",4.051760033444815,5.084947244565222,5.4495652173913065,81.20145484949835,71.1195652173913,8.705016722408027,28.827759197324408,9.057496981413335,2.2901100334448157,719,27,145,14,13,242,105,184,0.184,0.733,0.084,-0.9642,1,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,2,12,10,3,2,11,0,23,3,1,2,3,25,32,14,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,12,2,1,3,4,0,2,3,6,0,1,1,2,21,4,21,30,4,26,0,0,0,1,7,10,1,1,13,110,31,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196358463113295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720710783755772,0.0,0.1485952287953115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33797264421710976,0.0,0.0,0.14410331528117612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393596722498242,0.0,0.0,0.16483308687349918,0.1550337060801552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744444240242125,0.12323548828551245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803688181257487,0.14468652267079246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17031004637520086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562447788677427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427578089620537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680884407791773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689184331701205,0.1311955708717822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646727114382904,0.0,0.15062212326541596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944701255775203,0.16520926558201646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29463159074320183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421942540617164,0.3952009965827428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594001243831409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017461696281533,0.13692408608971895,0.138370727330343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251167071967127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cutsjuju,2020/01/26,"Postpartum, I am feeling suicidal today Will delete later because I'm a mess and it doesn't make too much sense. Nothing especially bad happened. It's been some days since I gave birth. It was easy and with a good outcome, and I'm healing well. But I'm not getting enough sleep. I have trouble falling asleep so I'm awake almost all the time to the point I start hallucinating a bit. I'm thinking a lot. I'm feeling guilty because due to medication I was not allowed to breastfeed, and I feel I missed out on something great because my baby was not given to me until 20 hours after birth. I wanted to give up and run away. Drown in alcohol, take drugs, take all the pills I can get my hands on, jump from a window. I don't want baby to grow up and be ashamed of me. I want people to sugar coat everything and say to her that I was pretty and talented, and I loved her, but ill, so at least she can think of me in a good way. My job is done here, baby is growing well, brought happiness to my family, but I have no place here. I'm sick. I have nightmares at night. Panic attacks at daytime. Hallucinations, headaches, stitches hurt. I'm a loser. I won't kill me just yet, but one day I will, I'm a waste, because I've been used and I'm just not useful anymore. I miss my dead best friend. I even miss being homeless. What was the use of escaping homelessness if I am miserable like that now? Sorry for rambling, I have a million things I want to say but they are so disconnected. Where are the other people like me? Will my baby grow up to be same disfunctional and sad like me? And who will be there to treat her if she ends up a psycho benzo addict like me?",2.106960784313724,3.8974000882352975,3.788235294117648,88.0887254901961,77.52941176470588,6.415686274509804,24.27450980392157,7.3011,0.9833745098039222,1290,44,273,16,30,431,186,340,0.185,0.635,0.18,-0.6251,2,1,3,0,0,1,44.0,0,0,1,2,15,29,2,3,15,0,31,13,3,5,2,47,68,23,4,6,13,0,4,4,1,5,8,2,1,0,9,14,2,0,5,0,0,7,8,14,2,2,11,7,41,15,33,48,10,40,0,7,0,1,13,16,0,5,20,179,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889391571677788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655434301412615,0.10921005723845813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816041428082084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407401761280053,0.10246754384106023,0.0,0.09106239642824283,0.2659332630515243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445406909904453,0.0,0.1190676950978329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406722161277065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160851452168104,0.0,0.0,0.12647754782036266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965967536925594,0.11269042527608605,0.0,0.07203456634345604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801808909078252,0.0,0.10281415276267956,0.0,0.1654354029944478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426119902162124,0.0,0.11396101496846946,0.10462241728231206,0.0,0.18295242793265826,0.0,0.12024148027619673,0.0,0.0,0.09644335911989736,0.11609875897562602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740431573675646,0.0,0.11675335995786547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822742270565468,0.0,0.12066118521249622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131291629139968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272079757063638,0.0984329097427589,0.0,0.072799877341146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986871062343828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017327902812425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234750343721027,0.0,0.10464813951499373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390338141248418,0.0,0.0,0.12796101395722714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122001937857482,0.0,0.11394680501274755,0.0,0.10309904795509538,0.0,0.0,0.11095548419599474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346130624791314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021739367824393,0.0,0.1091409813457798,0.0,0.0,0.08396142364986361,0.0,0.12208622390202828,0.07719479918132742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929636488619673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640024298251705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245609145593025,0.13976533100286287,0.0,0.0,0.06359505632213076,0.0,0.10337823027425228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825842180452242,0.0,0.0,0.2573108873267081,0.0865685121535902,0.0,0.0,0.1961200635051941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,queenofchina,2020/01/26,At Dinner with Family Haven't flared up all evening. Score one: myself.,2.471538461538458,5.428191923076927,2.3757692307692326,89.60673076923081,91.30769230769228,5.676923076923077,14.192307692307693,7.1686216300943375,0.1825692307692313,57,1,10,1,2,17,13,13,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4944854713221444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7057737329192529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5073140610830135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,deadpunks,2020/01/26,"DAE find it hard to explain BPD I recently got diagnosed and I can’t figure out how to tell people what BPD is and how it will affect my relationship with them- without making them feel like they have to tread on eggshells around me It’s so much harder to explain than depression or anxiety and I hate it",5.1894262295082,5.971232491803278,5.832909836065571,80.40543032786887,68.34426229508196,9.378688524590164,30.004098360655732,9.516144504307137,2.6013573770491805,246,9,48,5,4,80,48,61,0.16399999999999998,0.797,0.039,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,3,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,4,0,17,10,7,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,8,1,10,8,1,4,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,1,2,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753224044113843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204019174979643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5772894665615541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973927716403459,0.2326133158961816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588051333090485,0.16372654755795207,0.0,0.0,0.20946676435894265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832965287828633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053006528829545,0.2262682308106245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196598350727052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297971904481708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16847398853640844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588848561521629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22628802964882425,0.246054017305976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20031380050498546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22092175966984384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,imnotevenhereman,2020/01/26,"Favorite person hasn't talked to me in months and I don't want to live. I don't think I will ever feel better. Im not diagnosed with this. I don't meet any of the criteria other than the favorite person thing. I don't know what's wrong with me and I don't really care to find out anymore. How do you cope when this happens? I feel nothing all the time. I can't emote. I can't cry. I give up on her ever talking to me again, and I give up on ever being happy again.",-0.7928205128205157,1.138609461538465,1.9726923076923093,96.35564102564103,89.0,4.620512820512821,16.358974358974358,5.985473137389443,-0.5741064102564102,360,8,86,3,12,125,60,104,0.065,0.778,0.157,0.8731,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,7,4,0,0,3,0,11,1,0,1,4,18,20,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,0,2,16,3,14,18,1,14,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,8,61,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163281330587363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964769444872152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129057707359295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17440927024753258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18790374753331046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362448901357655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242190282973007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4642065448060194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17298833333074526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634771288579385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32819681761784064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512697009194231,0.18209884752692995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847764844936029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401128808992074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510510190601555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654018207353955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16413875367538125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29872975547565644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958679837951868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749865649285099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364609636525695,0.1096097233269499,0.0,0.0,0.09974771967288178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008968925502518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18702961541863453,0.0,0.0 bpd,alilmentallyunstable,2020/01/26,"I'm so replaceable I've been without a car lately, and I feel so bad (the guilt for me being unable to help has been causing extreme anxiety, self harm, suicidal thoughts due to not feeling worth it anymore because I don't have a thing to offer) for not being able to help everyone around me as much as I was by bringing them everywhere and helping them with everything they needed (this includes my FP which I was literally helping them rebuild their whole life and doing everything I could for them) now I feel like I'm so disposible to them. Like because they've had this break from me and this time to see what life is like without me they won't want me back in their life. Like this feel like a living hell. Like do I take myself further away because I know im disposible or do I do what I was doing again. My head is honeslty a war zone and I've been crying for a good two hours because my life is pointless if I'm disposible to people and I can't help them so I don't even deserve them. But also no one really knows how bad its affecting me because they're used to my extreme mood swings and my anxiety being high and they don't know about the self harm or how suicidal I feel.",4.9285185185185165,5.166317160493829,5.684378600823044,83.16237037037038,68.75308641975309,8.949135802469135,31.014814814814812,8.841846274778883,2.3389486419753083,942,36,194,15,15,308,121,243,0.185,0.6990000000000001,0.115,-0.9657,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,12,0,13,15,2,1,7,0,26,5,1,5,0,35,44,21,3,4,8,0,5,6,0,1,4,0,0,2,10,10,0,0,9,0,1,2,10,7,0,2,8,6,37,7,23,31,2,15,1,0,1,0,20,5,1,3,13,133,47,0,0.10313578298480837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247764839101916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577971833766529,0.0,0.1022829833093306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181271291225147,0.0,0.0,0.0968994631365952,0.07930505092336415,0.1722281416155634,0.3143530801790544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594885918434044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234553047832778,0.0,0.11328981472553758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812021196473053,0.0,0.0,0.0985506604288656,0.18538358302613747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607427538033198,0.14736044794370187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650540152357661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584706801652484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34564870662858305,0.10896861727086572,0.0,0.0,0.10156797111862324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140434381281034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700421872841284,0.0,0.11634165548536765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913914144385366,0.3023216038605187,0.0,0.09107078591072296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581666744911902,0.07647387625447437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988747572554921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150136591552468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607142352272477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218586600405521,0.0,0.21518622946327084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256276139408676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754527339801473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851883142574446,0.0,0.0,0.08187829131118553,0.06013930445443811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007486737607606,0.0,0.0,0.08907620238570384,0.0,0.0,0.06083215696043606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514741851139072,0.0,0.19883842877671346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CassiopeiaFoon,2020/01/26,"I'm just so tired of being angry all the time. I'm angry, all the time. Something is always pissing me off, and I take things so, so, so personally. I have two partners, were poly, that's all fine with me. My one partner went out tonight, he has to be up for work early tomorrow, my immediate thoughts are why the fuck would he go out tonight if he has to be up early, that's less time he's spending home with me. I don't keep him from having friends, I'd never do that, and I always encourage him to go and have fun, but when he's gone I just get so angry. I don't self harm anymore, I haven't in years, and I've gotten very good at going ""This thought is unhealthy, it's the BPD talking, not me"". But if I can do that why can't I just stop it then? Why am I so angry at him when he's done nothing wrong? Why am I so angry at MYSELF for feeling this way? I force myself to fight my symptoms, and sometimes that means putting myself in situations that will trigger this rise of anger. I can't keep him here, he's not my property, he's a person, with friends. I have friends too. I force myself to socialize, to be happy when my friends are hanging out without me (well not...happy but, you know, it's fine). I encourage my partners to express their hobbies and personalities with other people. But everything just makes me angry, and I hate being this angry person. Just because I don't act on my symptoms doesn't mean they're not there, doesn't mean they don't hurt. I live miserably so those around me don't. Because they didn't choose this, just like I didn't. They didn't do anything to deserve my anger and frustrations. And I try so hard to make my symptoms as minimal as possible, so that I don't hurt anybody. I've been in therapy for years, I've learned so many tricks and coping skills, and I utilize them all when I need to. Yesterday we were all sitting in the bedroom when he got the text to hang out today. He asked me if he could go, I told him; ""It's not a good idea to ask me if you can do something. The first answer in my head will always be no, stay home with me. So I don't think I can make an unbiased decision about this. I think you should consider what YOU want to do tomorrow, and do it."" So he went out today, he said I ""did very good in being considerate"", and yeah, maybe I did do good. But here I am...stewing in anger.",2.2659715912058083,3.572201690427704,3.787617107942975,90.33095200793777,75.88391038696538,6.746691733249778,25.013368844326077,7.321109707123232,0.9583758003028882,1814,61,407,21,39,602,200,491,0.139,0.716,0.145,0.2749,0,0,2,0,1,0,79.0,1,4,5,3,31,30,9,1,10,1,55,7,2,4,6,78,90,43,0,9,20,0,2,1,7,4,4,1,3,8,22,25,0,3,15,0,1,12,22,14,1,3,18,3,70,16,48,60,6,58,0,3,0,1,50,20,2,4,24,272,92,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19443394844108047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724666129407909,0.0,0.0,0.06409742328059713,0.06933925182231399,0.1456346116349765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496291612028783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810063122810632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218939941068756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970924645691155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000315391757099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03938388681334664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625380399543987,0.0,0.0,0.2407126986091928,0.07200871264975038,0.040694684753809315,0.0,0.1770683576015698,0.2613241513064259,0.0622963217486746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658322330010411,0.0697747830367271,0.07690095716313347,0.07993834700065866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626147972141385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16676724680796934,0.08792913847723201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384656960667152,0.0,0.0,0.042806700984063535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03805346985996949,0.0,0.06877893003722603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597797506455702,0.07896896149418887,0.0782516943390934,0.2545374754152551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05775497962363217,0.06007412267531272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473824357941344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052780765591701286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053999615735071116,0.27204467841048224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781007999727543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830168403398131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409190855629616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812570050495531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755242927653786,0.0,0.0793997768592382,0.0,0.11992815851482473,0.07703591066386642,0.0,0.0,0.08302114051420649,0.0,0.06512012703477632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24287483601206145,0.05856412548133769,0.06260560778760106,0.0,0.0,0.08907482300605762,0.0,0.051747131264284825,0.09981845258656184,0.0,0.12367305746499704,0.13625611019588926,0.08952392087677108,0.1476625841769266,0.07442791792094637,0.0,0.05288268388681057,0.0,0.076087912436899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285359976186935,0.045941962900121966,0.061826025552183216,0.0,0.0,0.07003310878241227,0.14441094981992755,0.2811370274658917,0.0,0.0,0.07508387154444926,0.0,0.056705369569279226,0.0,0.0,0.055331330484225394,0.08516127142872591,0.0,0.10031813585832314 bpd,Incredinle-Reclusive,2020/01/26,"Can I Ever win? I’m not really sure what I’m doing but I feel so confused with my decisions. I (19F) have been dating someone (19M) for about a year and a half. We broke up in the middle for our relationship once at one of my heights of depression and such and it was so destructive, but we ended up working through. Last month though everything changed. His family, in the nicest way I can put it, are controlling, unsupportive and demeaning. I’ve met his mom and brothers and they certainly are different from my family which is okay. On the other hand his father... I’m never allowed to meet him as he will “punish” my bf and his family if he find out any of his children are dating. Because of this I am a secret, we live in different states but he can’t come up and I can’t go down and everything is just so much work. During our winter break I brought up the idea of trying to come up for a family event as my family is important. We tried but the plan fell through which I accept as he said he mom wouldn’t let him. I was disappointed but understanding. A few weeks later he texts me saying he has a confession and that he never tried to work things out and he just didn’t want to come up and being around my family and home depresses him as we are “functioning”. When he said that it instantly broke my heart and burnt out a light and I saw him differently. Everything became negative and when I look at him I see all the things I want but can’t have bc of his family and when I tried bringing this up he turned it around on me saying he was just trying to be vulnerable. When we got back from winter break I did end up breaking things off but nothing makes me feel better. When I’m with him I’m unhappy because I don’t exist in the person I loves life. But without him I feel so lost and just want him here to hold me. My friends just keep saying to give it time and “think of the future” and just a lot of the cliques. I just feel so lost again and I don’t know if it’s me just depending on someone again or what. I just wish my relationship with the person I love could be simple. Who knows /:",2.477537849627918,4.077285642032333,4.116537721324097,86.97184019758791,75.95150115473442,7.951988709263537,22.651334359763922,8.680891452615391,1.3448204259686936,1645,46,356,34,36,551,197,433,0.129,0.767,0.10400000000000001,-0.9475,4,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,8,0,1,9,29,19,2,1,18,1,32,5,2,4,6,94,70,47,0,8,22,4,5,0,2,2,1,5,1,3,19,38,0,3,14,0,0,8,12,10,0,2,14,14,59,9,55,49,4,64,1,7,3,2,59,26,0,6,25,251,78,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051348713935026345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443804977393467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05806176533281029,0.0,0.09205917938639208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678158033615546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987851705250187,0.19513296998946966,0.0,0.0,0.08468977178217932,0.060287797702300826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130071593816844,0.0,0.0,0.2366725224849146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337571355201778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830221961863636,0.0,0.0,0.20358787937644532,0.0,0.49828220034016,0.0,0.15271849051015648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901386424997162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058338071341914086,0.0,0.0,0.07243511977337147,0.042913508667554105,0.0,0.06039145061330339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947853661420818,0.0,0.0,0.07574169044385233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852404776840785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711587466901782,0.0,0.0,0.08299555080721985,0.061549918591114215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721307533999798,0.053334244566198064,0.0,0.0,0.06667583638944713,0.0,0.06340854827879755,0.0,0.16485400136550635,0.06419505734978898,0.13629965340255304,0.0,0.0504028483729575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17687047230773112,0.06027056882611985,0.0,0.055507808172273326,0.0,0.11647440204640545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245292850933394,0.0,0.0,0.0804146278896809,0.05116685719299933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131863104431107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590740755696826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048373003271737054,0.0,0.0,0.16213682968259235,0.0,0.0,0.14365271370193375,0.1801433787398827,0.0,0.0,0.060170902231845125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795707284345922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711663452922483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049448672434693,0.04838312263441115,0.0741872157962848,0.0,0.044029909089728564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25632829536337776,0.0821321164362287,0.0,0.07860753904213222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361150573645042,0.0599355349392028,0.060568770618169475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683163133156017,0.07278798800554699,0.0,0.16491436876488308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04862532471618582 bpd,oliviughh,2020/01/27,"dating with bpd I was unsure if I should make my flair as “venting” or “baby borderline” but I decided to stick with venting. I was diagnosed with BPD in August 2019. My therapists suspected I had BPD since I was 13/14, but would not diagnose until I turned 18. I am not medicated, as I haven’t felt a need to be. I find it so difficult to date with BPD. I feel as though I sometimes come on too strongly (or not strongly enough) so the person I’m talking to thinks I’m obsessed or not at all interested. In November, I started seeing someone I go to school with. After a few dates, I disclosed my diagnosis and told him if he had any questions, he should ask and I will give him the best educated answer I could. In the middle of December, I had a massive mood swing and was snippy towards him. I apologized profusely once I “recovered” but this led to him asking what he could do, as my spouse, to help with my symptoms. Honestly I had no idea how to respond. So I did a LOT of googling, and found an article written by a woman who has BPD that gives basic tips to someone who is in a relationship with someone who has BPD. It wasn’t a long read- wouldn’t have taken a focused person more than 5 minutes to read. I sent him the link to the article and he told me he would read it later. A few days later, I mentioned something that was included in the article. He was really confused so I asked if he read the article, and he said no, it’s too long. I told him he asked specifically for advice for dating someone with BPD and it’s not too hard to read a small article with VERY useful info. (We were on a break from school and he was working only 3-4 days a week and otherwise would play video games all day). I gave him a few more days to read the article and he still didn’t. So I pulled up the article on my computer and took notes in my phone and sent him a screenshot of the notes. I broke down this 5 minute article into something that could be read in 30-60 seconds. And he STILL. DIDNT. READ. IT. At this point, I asked him why he wasn’t looking at the information I was sending him after he asked for info. He said it felt like I was trying to make excuses for my behavior by saying it was my personality disorder and not me making those decisions. The closest I ever did to this was disclosing when we first got together that I had a mental illness that made my relationships and emotions unstable (but stated that I was seeing a therapist). I can kind of see where he’d think it’s making excuses, so I explained that wasn’t my intention when I told him. After all of this, we got back to school three-ish weeks ago and we continued to have issues. One day he told me to come up to his room and I said I would in 10ish minutes because I needed to tidy up my room. I finished in 5 minutes and walked up. I stood outside the door and heard him say my name, then tell his roommate I was “crazy as fuck” and claiming that I wouldn’t leave him alone. I texted him that something came up and I couldn’t come to his room and he started texting and begging me to come up anyways. I set my phone on do not disturb and talked to a close friend about what he said and I ultimately decided to end the relationship. So what do I do? How do I date with BPD? Did I just get unlucky with the first guy I met after diagnosis? Ugh. I’m so frustrated.",2.991390369899719,4.346554297218159,4.691193126881958,84.3818456310948,74.10980966325036,8.082974667808504,27.23525511754468,8.677809691926855,1.9431270421834856,2607,98,546,50,53,883,280,683,0.086,0.846,0.068,-0.8673,0,1,3,0,0,0,67.0,4,0,0,6,24,18,2,3,33,0,56,6,0,10,4,116,117,55,0,17,18,1,4,1,1,9,5,7,4,5,30,47,0,1,19,11,0,13,18,8,0,4,52,15,93,9,84,49,11,87,0,1,4,1,94,34,1,9,38,378,123,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048227128271128544,0.04374840941363944,0.0,0.0,0.051114768653400575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03356169610267817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768300577252314,0.0,0.0,0.03794936959376436,0.0,0.030085098196787386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05179287266820015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4972664689320977,0.0,0.0,0.0564466231859091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700527741015756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821293602861806,0.0,0.0,0.15914283859036374,0.0,0.0,0.10018440394490316,0.0,0.0,0.0565627525929791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05551542224966078,0.043712061996072686,0.05099478675763718,0.0,0.0,0.044642565749156767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02495433271341084,0.0,0.09477313670787556,0.0,0.045107699128742434,0.08395918240710708,0.0,0.05411295862850224,0.03812996415199652,0.045626003909733766,0.025784877653817127,0.09468768702059764,0.028048416916974867,0.0,0.07894411981761526,0.0,0.0,0.048867176436931316,0.0,0.0,0.044210546286520415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03308023982011029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557134694999386,0.0,0.05151165399841279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05139349929384103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052257644493217986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02411135681670769,0.0,0.0,0.08735160946683354,0.04144404532385701,0.0,0.0,0.041958110358786896,0.0,0.046698951419026836,0.1317739004675384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04971790155066292,0.049736162280374537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318916917544897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05255927747009178,0.03344283391037756,0.03753513985182942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927926813334675,0.0,0.0,0.04665448686083886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055286595193899016,0.0,0.3949304180193872,0.0,0.03161676137466952,0.0,0.0,0.15895978461342727,0.0,0.0,0.1877838158786151,0.07849488810732756,0.0,0.1498434504958668,0.11798372618354708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04082526746332324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726636614090806,0.11398292848046493,0.04881132618264709,0.0,0.06986453930591009,0.0,0.0788266538836442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05129660846904327,0.0,0.0793360581123581,0.04313665068616916,0.0,0.0,0.11460514986378785,0.0,0.06324675084986169,0.048489019499285316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23579427746277146,0.05483293965206499,0.03350741115888007,0.05368183389345234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042625100002907,0.0,0.04072134964012839,0.0,0.0,0.07917591374818074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0445333579865567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03592953294770228,0.0,0.0,0.14023566916316987,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,stonerrex,2020/01/27,Fuck all of this. I just want to fucking kill myself,-1.1245454545454552,0.7354988181818172,0.5004545454545449,101.2706818181818,106.27272727272728,2.2,14.590909090909092,3.1291,-1.451763636363636,41,1,9,0,2,13,11,11,0.506,0.41700000000000004,0.077,-0.8479,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8276626552757017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4952417847905922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640267101249486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SarieSavage,2020/01/27,"Grief and BPD... I’m not sure what I am looking for here but I’m turning to you all either way. I’ve been having a hard time for a long time. As they say, “Progress is not linear.” There have been some notable highs in my recovery as well as those low low swings that feel as though they may never end. I lost my Mama 5 years ago. Unexpectedly and tragically. After 12 years of sobriety she relapsed and overdosed and passed away. Devastating. She was my best friend, business partner and we shared a home together raising my nephew and my disabled brother. The details around the situation are horrific, so for this post I will leave them out. Let’s just say it was very graphic and there was a lot of trauma from discovering my Mom, trying to revive her and failing. Now, I’ve come a long, long way thanks to therapy and DBT in managing my PTSD and working towards forgiving myself. Not only was I too late and unable to revive her, the last conversation we had was an argument on the phone. I had suspected that she was relapsing and was trying a new approach of tough love...I was cold and cruel and as she said she loved me I purposely didn’t say it back. My Mom and I were two peas in a pod. We rarely fought and when we did we certainly never went to bed angry...of course this night I did. I know in my heart it was because I was trying to bust my cycle of enabling her. I have worked hard to accept that she knew how much I loved her despite this stupid fight. It was her death that brought me to my diagnosis of BPD. Finally. Something made sense. For that reason I try to look at the situation to having some kind of hidden blessing. My grief from losing her brought me to my knees and every symptom was exacerbated. I could no longer manipulate the situation to hide my unhealthy coping skills. They were undeniable. I got help and I’ve been in treatment ever since. But here I am 5 years later and I still haven’t moved forward. In many ways I’ve corrected a lot of negative behaviors but there are a few, especially the biggest most troubling ones, that have me paralyzed. But it seems I’m no longer able to hide these unhealthy coping skills much anymore. And they are affecting everything and everyone I touch. I guess it could be described as overwhelmed but on a daily basis I struggle to get up or take care of myself at all. I take care of my nephew and brother just as I always have but I even feel that I’m not doing as much as I could or doing as well as I could by them. I rarely shower or change. I can’t seem to finish one simple task. I can’t focus. I can’t think of anything that I feel interested in or look forward to. I can’t picture the life I even want anymore. I just exist and try to keep my head above water. I feel completely gripped by fear of making the wrong decision that I am so indecisive that I am just letting life happen to me. Like I’m sitting on my hands as not to screw anything else up. I over think about everything...even a commercial will send me spiraling in thought until I’m so lost I don’t remember how I even got there. I’m thinking of changing therapists as I’ve seemed to be running in place after 3 years with this one and she has forgotten several of our appointments. I think about my Mom everyday and I hate that every day makes me further from the last time I laughed with her or could touch her. 5 years later and I just can’t see my future without her in it. Now after being paralyzed with fear I’ve gotten myself to the very real possibility that if I don’t do something soon then I will miss out on the chance to a happy marriage and children. I’m 33 and the furthest place I’ve ever been to knowing who I want to spend my life with or how to make those things happen. The people that want these things with me are pretty much at their breaking point and tired of standing still. I’ve read that people with BPD grieve differently then those without. Perhaps I’m still grieving...really I just feel like this is who I am now. It’s not the way my Mom would want me to live my life that’s for sure. I don’t know why I’ve become this way. I use to take action. I use to be the one to make the decisions. Now here I sit. Frozen.",2.8025937950937987,4.592612930342387,4.113619146005508,86.52275195133151,75.54073199527745,7.114056145874327,24.86896563032927,7.937092434478242,1.3314971927062844,3300,111,680,51,72,1085,351,847,0.14400000000000002,0.728,0.129,-0.9489,2,0,2,0,1,1,79.0,6,1,7,11,41,48,6,5,30,0,69,14,4,13,10,138,137,66,4,11,28,8,11,2,2,5,6,4,3,2,39,44,1,1,24,1,1,12,23,26,2,5,36,20,116,22,105,85,14,100,1,12,4,3,58,35,1,18,49,471,155,5,0.05310474605437816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047074153220179625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04418740284975179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533127683000727,0.0,0.0,0.08740136237028827,0.04727448284837107,0.0,0.0,0.04989365701943072,0.040834271755469415,0.0,0.032372160294316464,0.05865001978905896,0.0,0.0,0.05573015468160036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200650705907172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828765569646592,0.0,0.11235555977498153,0.045745036510278336,0.05567931587794104,0.0,0.0,0.2119990927595312,0.0,0.0,0.0342481679590457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05548315685778959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04436220107625384,0.0,0.04703504268046793,0.0,0.0,0.140300735704514,0.09607256622054748,0.08948607787946024,0.050743860608854316,0.047727121539882365,0.0,0.0,0.11951520661881344,0.1342567761208942,0.03793804119207775,0.0,0.058173653563091135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04102859506959431,0.0,0.027745037995848737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494543326112403,0.0,0.058500864860906374,0.0,0.093920703109539,0.05653098965362595,0.09514284325914978,0.05242994241916453,0.0545007901713996,0.0,0.0,0.06292937976382136,0.03559499188024567,0.05610807985932899,0.053268390188872784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04720193830882352,0.0,0.055300421037140585,0.08755493886718982,0.08657491166071392,0.059904466629263374,0.05623025835157496,0.0,0.10860640159445197,0.1500378105285134,0.05188859299566921,0.0,0.04689246369006533,0.1409880874476667,0.13378383574085334,0.05941062716688324,0.11594020700454967,0.09029551210348462,0.14378731998536926,0.05024899473569492,0.14179132142563444,0.05383987737965936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248782547011219,0.0,0.05644194083708269,0.1561523946414508,0.0,0.08191530792177029,0.0512888946559365,0.0,0.04983520675787812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394060115230745,0.04038855236586067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736322888059987,0.0,0.11096631371557918,0.0,0.0502011499922388,0.059867622041595236,0.05085966721243791,0.05402661823813018,0.0,0.0,0.062076606313416174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053119116952850015,0.06044482711836915,0.0,0.05460052352686647,0.0,0.0,0.06015732512805565,0.0,0.05051477436219631,0.12669307659262616,0.0,0.0,0.04231760711068997,0.14503369899938806,0.0,0.05999324737644793,0.0,0.0439287947054854,0.17907587870027794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176525595162679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272285563916702,0.0,0.0,0.05551661085257025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010118937479373,0.05519616459460264,0.11978448019710505,0.0,0.0,0.0488917153192258,0.06072990523769155,0.061658703217077615,0.07056086718889551,0.1361095079839262,0.052175143370903766,0.04215923650947968,0.09289741344408928,0.061036093565778625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027318341920245,0.057762714295454036,0.05187562047372697,0.0,0.0,0.09173090018384733,0.0,0.0876339541475659,0.1252902204775959,0.21076037797750333,0.0,0.0,0.0954950886529992,0.049228631626092666,0.047918773399215166,0.0,0.0,0.10238216029827672,0.0,0.07732177520412052,0.0,0.0,0.03772408794743138,0.058061703287764464,0.0,0.17098857675764104 bpd,xlaaane,2020/01/27,"DAE put people on mute/do not disturb if they don’t reply to you fast enough? For me I start getting angry, overthinking, worrying when i’m not getting a reply within the timeframe I am used to, so I simply put them on mute and try to forget about it. Out of sight, out of mind.",5.777356321839079,4.566195586206893,6.801724137931036,80.73235632183909,67.27586206896552,9.11264367816092,29.67816091954023,7.793537801064563,1.8294298850574704,216,6,45,2,3,73,44,58,0.134,0.8270000000000001,0.04,-0.6533,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,9,7,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,1,7,0,12,7,1,10,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,1,3,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197700112121513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233754326948024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124811458522181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145507356712857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6222149430178396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190477295587165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101129531708567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672867085537391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142864998205186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,FindTheR1ver,2020/01/27,"i don’t feel anything always, always in my whole life i have been the one who feels Everything. i don’t know what happened, i don’t know who i am anymore. i don’t care about anything or anyone (which is incredibly unlike the person i’ve been for the last 22 years). and i can’t stop stuffing my face because then at least i feel something. i don’t know what to do! i want to be the warm and loving person i’ve always been but i feel so cold and closed off, out of nowhere. i shut people out when they show they care about me. what is happening? have y’all been through this? what did you do?",1.6222981818181808,3.2804058480000013,2.813018181818183,95.1345090909091,78.52,5.505454545454546,20.96363636363636,6.1124844417494595,-0.03844000000000003,461,12,106,3,11,148,72,125,0.013999999999999999,0.8759999999999999,0.11,0.8652,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,2,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,19,3,1,0,0,17,32,8,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,6,0,1,7,1,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,6,19,4,12,26,2,12,0,0,0,1,9,7,0,1,5,73,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4222150195053693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16774180057803809,0.11826688146606905,0.0,0.27837623046432264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310640143730876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448997656453944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201246096023766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420898186230755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29914054638443754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788653766874015,0.1378719788073012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946884747944822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265579025536052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461389408836432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726063783441833,0.2953736991979573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021252253673146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140892537864586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976337423332203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18883918603155966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892085468551632 bpd,gazd11,2020/01/27,"I’m dying Is it possible to get over cheating, lying and abuse as a BPD person? I love him so much I can’t leave. He’ll need to show me proof he can change but is it ever possible?? He was cruel but he is also young and self-destructive. He loves me but he hurt me in the worst ways possible. Let’s say he shows me proof of work plan I can respect, is it possible to forgive and move on? Not necessarily be together but possibly in the future. Or am I just a pain addict",1.857153465346535,3.046399207920796,4.5218688118811885,85.12953589108909,76.72277227722773,8.218316831683168,23.51608910891089,8.841846274778883,1.5262960396039609,364,11,82,8,8,130,68,101,0.24,0.6409999999999999,0.11900000000000001,-0.9407,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,2,0,4,0,11,4,0,0,3,15,17,11,1,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,1,9,4,9,13,2,9,0,1,0,2,13,4,0,1,3,51,12,1,0.0,0.1620712329578661,0.0,0.1491189456936739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938919316026956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227950691257748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470340647001365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196419090194698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373244037296653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146600521914283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464342211134194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483858113399115,0.0,0.13987484292403454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469127479553511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538383544636085,0.1005548077830826,0.10142645655530286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14555191524390995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194378733042259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7710387331101279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877918752358044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426995584827498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085758273229426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958318296622727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SimoSella,2020/01/27,"I just need to sort this out It’s my first time writing here, I’m sorry if my English is not the best. I’m trying to process what just happened but I’m still feeling confused. I selfharmed at my home and my landlord (witch I have a very good relationship with her) found me crying in the kitchen. She asked me what happens and after a while I found the strength to tell her. She asked me if she should call someone, I told her to don’t do that, and she went back to her bedroom (she was busy). She came back after a while and found me still there, I asked for an hug but she refused and said “I’m actually angry with you, this isn’t good for me and for you either, go to sleep”. I understand what she mean, this is not my house, I live with her husband and two kids, I shouldn’t make her worrying so much and do this kind of thing. She’s not my mother. I feel even worse right now. Knowing I did something bad to her is killing me. I know that my brain just wanted someone showing love to me. But this is not the way. I realised all of that just know, I had no control of what was happening. I don’t know how to fix this shit. I’m sorry if this is just a random list of thoughts, that’s what I needed to write. Thanks for your time",0.5650574712643675,2.562727574712646,1.878850574712644,98.80954022988509,83.59770114942529,4.632950191570881,20.394636015325673,5.5874745759252304,-0.3281203065134095,951,28,226,5,27,303,127,261,0.162,0.738,0.1,-0.9475,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,3,0,4,15,13,2,1,9,0,17,6,3,3,1,56,51,18,1,8,16,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,4,1,18,13,1,2,12,1,0,3,9,5,0,2,12,3,49,8,26,37,4,20,0,0,0,2,34,4,1,6,12,161,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.10548858944457842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031726504448018,0.0,0.0,0.16624222177304818,0.09025777230028627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344275697513766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067372990378746,0.11038070364979233,0.12363594112975045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124171338763913,0.0,0.0,0.11874117906077646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713980714520383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931574773307774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194856970627738,0.0,0.35557343502986943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06143489596017985,0.18133586672235832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867735669852853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843165746044853,0.0,0.0,0.12473121080264635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195950272292027,0.1125680030888258,0.2376325398372505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545299834083984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975631600187177,0.0,0.07215662018870414,0.0,0.0,0.1177510089467986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946487075804039,0.1603074072599268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605738579929535,0.0,0.09231556935121317,0.10282647346601603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109616061036974,0.0,0.0,0.10817661547815327,0.0,0.18318309785400075,0.08321954346730663,0.0,0.24201494865411746,0.0,0.0,0.1726552801381096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448289558800692,0.09952261950006262,0.0,0.0,0.07181587198346327,0.0,0.0,0.08581817238668597,0.1260662652881058,0.0,0.0,0.10329279507510626,0.0,0.07339181831666765,0.0,0.10559657406223603,0.1125344007676177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919262309543614,0.0637593243469586,0.08580359582882635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020843698862376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977932272196644,0.11016165552889648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,roll2907,2020/01/27,"I possibly just lost my friend... At first, I was trying to cut her off and go no contact, because I didn't want to be hurt again... Long story short. We tried dating, and we were affectionate to each other. But then 1h after she told me she couldn't do that... And that she could just be friends.... I really tried being on good terms with her. But due to me still loving her and still seeking some form of affection, I would only get a heartache. I asked a lot from her... And I tried communicating with her. But it was too much to handle... Then jump 2 weeks later and she is telling me about this great dude she met and how she enjoys spending time with him. And I honestly got extremely hurt by that, I was worried she was gonna end up dating this dude (Long story short: She is a confused lesbian, but is utterly confused by her sexuality, and even seems to have a thing for guys. But is unsure). And I still don't know if she likes him (My thoughts just don't want to stop thinking about it, that and in the past it happened where people c:) so I am stuck with occasional pain, thanks to my thoughts. But then, I decided to cut her off. And well not talk with her to not get hurt and test her to see if she was gonna respond and care. However a bit later I had an urge... to go and explain to her the situation. I waited 3 days to tell her... And in the end, I barely told her anything and I only tried to apologize to her, but she went cold on me completely and got mad at me. And now I feel like utter trash :), because I digged my own grave this time. TL;DR: Tried to cut off my friend because It hurt me. I regreted it, and it didn't end well.",1.5161490151298906,3.3131985899705043,3.0854581787039703,92.41866971167572,79.32448377581122,6.2620991531068615,21.259967646778954,7.233258080335977,0.4373657055856883,1258,35,287,16,31,414,164,339,0.131,0.748,0.121,-0.369,1,0,0,0,0,0,65.0,2,0,0,2,17,29,4,2,9,0,24,3,0,2,0,64,54,34,1,8,14,0,1,2,3,3,1,0,0,1,15,28,0,2,8,0,1,4,8,14,2,1,19,3,58,15,40,27,8,44,0,7,1,2,44,13,0,7,29,203,73,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806012632352897,0.0,0.08867951002911552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734738351949699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035604671609883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671414556597903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945690348912156,0.0,0.0,0.07573646685813308,0.0,0.0,0.06117562117410109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25204833931865817,0.0,0.0,0.06265287436813151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04796310089257564,0.06776663904560752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068624360542606,0.0,0.0,0.2198613770188685,0.0,0.09911887467526763,0.0,0.1078200780534526,0.07956246608022217,0.15173336138349192,0.10458138002335723,0.0,0.09392442349380982,0.08388269645116625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4061901925595144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05213152596917315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926857434288472,0.0,0.0,0.16789285075673527,0.0,0.0,0.10354881158955323,0.08064495666994144,0.08561313048513898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973161127507145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428770509761793,0.10093569664043496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905527811180994,0.0657626564370437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693824472568797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06076852196872432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558961707656117,0.08635524327486194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662446849602462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272613816205265,0.07930561140166227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624334025203773,0.16582030485765134,0.08733258545384377,0.0,0.0,0.06301950057629024,0.06078123440482254,0.0,0.15061345674182605,0.11062503118814622,0.0,0.0,0.18128194169281112,0.0,0.3864145021674789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118995193249832,0.0,0.07608943871548635,0.0,0.17057763131765075,0.08793440054599443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633299576359317,0.0,0.06738446611714292,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tthrowaway2244,2020/01/27,"Found a part of the key to my true self **TLDR**: lost friend, got my shit straight, been going strong for a couple months. Haven't looked for supply in awhile. I run a DND group, make youtube videos on occasion, and it's a blast. I'm self loving for a change and am discovering my true self slowly but surely. I am not a perfect person. I still slip up. But I am more conscious of when I hurt others now. \--- **Deep breath.** Hello. I am 26 years old, male, and have BPD with high narcissistic traits. While I can show a lot of empathy toward others when I am not full of myself, when I get angry, it's very hard for me to slow down and see the other person's point of view. It's their fault, or I try to blame shift, that kind of thing. I've lost many friends because of this. I often feel I am entitled to a woman's relationship, her attention, etc, even when she says she doesn't want one. It's just bad thinking altogether. I tend to chase these women, make them feel like that have a friend and in the end, I discard them because they don't give me what I want. It's bad, antisocial behavior that serves myself only. I've been through this ordeal many times, a lot of the times in online relationships. I am very good at forming connections with women, but when those connections only serve to make that person a 'part' of me, rather than me viewing them as their own person, it is not a healthy connection, and so in typical BPD fashion, I burn down the whole village to the ground so to speak. However, lately I've recognized this in myself. I lost a friend recently. We knew each other for a solid 4 months but grew close very quickly. She also had BPD. It was natural for us codependent types to get close. I wanted sex, she was pretty, it seemed good. I played online games with her. It was a general blast, until I became jealous of her other close friend. Things started to crumble from there. I was passive aggressive, manipulative, hostile even. In other words, I'd cause much drama over the course of these four months. I ended up in a mental hospital after a breakdown. It was pretty horrible. That was the first point where I wondered ""What is wrong with me?"" I was released with a BPD diagnosis. However, I didn't truly take it seriously until I finally discarded my close friend permanently. I recognized the damage I'd done. It took one argument. Something terrible had happened to her, and I was trying to make it all about myself. I didn't listen to her, I didn't try to comfort her. In typical fashion, I ran away (multiple times) until I finally cut the cord completely. Fast forward sometime later, I tried to find others to fill in the void, and tried to create new relationships, but I finally realized something. Something finally clicked inside me. It took years, but something clicked. This really was not doing it for me. If anything, I was hurting myself. While I knew I was hurting myself and others, I finally took responsibility. I told these new women I was getting to know that I had a serious mental illness, that in retrospect, while I would like to get intimate, it would simply not be a good idea. I would get attached, hurt them, and so I cut ties with them as well. And that's when I sat around for awhile. I really didn't know what to do. My whole life, online and off, has been about relationships. So I did get depressed, but I managed to climb out of it. It took a bit, but I realized that if I wasnt happy while IN a relationship, that that was not the right way to go to find happiness. I started doing things. I started hanging with the friends I knew more. I started being nice to THEM rather than people I WANTED to be nice to. I made a nice birthday card with my friends for someone who I wanted to make feel special. It was a guy, and I felt really happy I could make someone happy that was not a romantic interest. I felt good for a change. It felt like, a 'real' good, not a fake 'yes I got her attention!' good. So overtime, I became content, and more at my emotional baseline. I was neither happy nor sad, but it was a good place to be. Enter DND. This is where I finally find true happiness. A friend I knew brought it up to me one day, saying we should form a group. I'd played DND once or twice, and I thought about it. I finally decided to give it a shot. I found a passion. Eventually, I did start this group as the DM. We did one shots for awhile, get my feet wet, and about a week later I'm running an end of he world campaign with a chaos-warrior type of BBEG on the loose. Get this: my friends are having fun. It's amazing, and I've finally found something that I feel I am passionate about. I'd played league of legends for awhile, had a love hate relationship with it. While that's still a passion as well, DND has made me more happy than ever. In other words, I feel I've found a part of the key to my true self. An actual passion. Not a mask I don to look good in front of others. To make league less boring, I dabbled into video editing a bit. I also switched my role to support. It's funny. I almost wonder if that's a mask, but I absolutely refuse to play my 1mil main darius as of late. I'm a soraka main now. I still play darius if she's taken, however, as I take soraka top. While I still get angry, have my rages, I'm not nearly as depressed as I used to be. If anything, at least I am self aware now. For once, I feel a bit more happy.",2.4051583718989447,4.406354086431229,3.9794014111220735,86.08811205523105,77.37360594795538,7.031241939154844,23.99074425309157,7.991616323880055,1.3450070859570589,4191,140,849,71,98,1394,396,1076,0.15,0.6659999999999999,0.184,0.9935,3,0,5,0,0,2,178.0,4,0,9,8,39,87,8,0,61,1,69,12,3,12,8,141,156,65,0,17,30,0,11,3,10,4,2,4,0,15,70,38,0,1,34,10,0,17,20,28,2,7,61,22,137,59,130,85,28,128,0,11,7,7,74,49,1,14,66,583,207,4,0.0,0.0,0.03554857436932605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03647748380148533,0.0,0.0,0.0582630826950077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05995445089728967,0.03242873547690762,0.0,0.0,0.03422540254217556,0.0,0.060831889930846476,0.04441246777326145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193101632497427,0.0,0.1835196854079789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03742169705684232,0.07707220698720565,0.0,0.03819417362919176,0.0,0.0,0.029084876602431732,0.04030700384239147,0.0,0.023493113248321124,0.0,0.06275094463270052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03727859762661855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04097671354526849,0.09679346226518336,0.0,0.040626964931558575,0.04812083783095243,0.03295130532201237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051486255969238,0.026024244543847105,0.10493007665150876,0.31924165587148245,0.09988388042365633,0.030985726376349363,0.0,0.159766141727988,0.2814426253521407,0.0,0.1712896258992326,0.0698903128189892,0.041405861608561016,0.244433320340971,0.058269764558433836,0.0,0.0,0.036069549856201685,0.032213251773830484,0.31022714991597705,0.032632425683723404,0.0359652106451159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0384882915739412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598815363068125,0.04112289500465767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037934264269521074,0.040039866204744735,0.0,0.08218497528302665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02573024693241672,0.05339079420252585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06118086486870554,0.0,0.11929673507421575,0.061939742125739786,0.06575557162898615,0.06893830498329911,0.1702122945018141,0.07386475901826924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342192104524065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722969442616567,0.0,0.026778847672195,0.0,0.0,0.07036497905371186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03822516693992858,0.07758948305761627,0.09873850326669582,0.05541042871557745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834425916056272,0.0,0.025254660361993517,0.12723046012496647,0.03805961501336715,0.0,0.06887266515242141,0.0,0.0,0.07412095515357141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04146315710858265,0.07001032802665164,0.0,0.03596835765954135,0.23466090305606155,0.0,0.031109401498371637,0.0,0.05793818031820009,0.0,0.0,0.029028482266211724,0.03316277744150692,0.19001228403431647,0.0,0.03739292493610909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061730828059727724,0.14022066962432755,0.03602832599842497,0.0,0.12891999637667895,0.0,0.11636612260269172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04133818035743025,0.03433305660445605,0.0,0.05477880085979117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260364024803119,0.023341657932355764,0.0,0.028919845259003426,0.06372456059920907,0.0,0.0,0.034808614153212465,0.16189185418517754,0.12366145595779478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04381852344649649,0.031462185495098445,0.0,0.09017100177368056,0.10743119683464156,0.028914933108278407,0.02922042745846098,0.0,0.06550648008577123,0.0,0.0,0.08134135366032494,0.0,0.0,0.07900944903257752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763243903134545,0.03982841278870783,0.0,0.04691700884835818 bpd,natisnotcool,2020/01/27,"DAE see things and get paranoid? Over the past few months I keep seeing things and then getting super anxious that someone or something is there or watching me. I dont know if this is part of my BPD or if its like flashbacks of an upsetting experience I had. Ive tried ignoring it but not sure if I can for much longer.",5.027769230769231,5.264629584615388,5.452115384615387,84.91663461538462,68.53846153846155,8.346153846153845,31.634615384615394,8.07648339933343,2.0641538461538462,253,10,53,3,4,81,53,65,0.14300000000000002,0.7929999999999999,0.064,-0.4841,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,2,0,6,0,0,0,1,14,12,10,0,3,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,7,3,4,11,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,4,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674505381671519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298167664002574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774593048809469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315786392045139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473753519923953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21042674559709776,0.0,0.0,0.13010695116116727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565995114706948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18896482711296367,0.0,0.17403226116803275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563680019653888,0.22599657407702184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773046897989151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20059032641207125,0.18225519257541048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231260861865826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145611002650876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160731955781741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MPoulaud,2020/01/27,I love you all Every last single fucking one of you living with this dog shit disorder,6.464117647058824,6.669918941176473,7.004705882352942,75.12117647058824,65.47058823529412,9.15294117647059,28.764705882352942,8.841846274778883,2.323282352941177,70,2,12,1,1,23,16,17,0.268,0.5529999999999999,0.179,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,0,1,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.444444890831685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267327072272305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585087959326915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31610342005341235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34242872127321955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499987293148245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627788780605573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3980644039366429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Stranger_NL,2020/01/27,"Quetiapine or Anti-depressant? Hello, Finally been ''heard'' as medication has now been offered during the last 8 months of MBT therapy (I have been struggling a lot). Psychiatrist advised very low dose of quetiapine for overthinking and analysing interactions during therapy and after effects but I also asked about anti-depressants because of constant underlying lack of excitement/hope about anything really...day to day and future. Psych said anti-depressants don't really work for BPD depression (although i do have dysthmia which he didn't mention}...but that Quetiapine can also help with depression...I have never had any medication before.. Any thoughts? Experiences with either?",8.26137614678899,11.74711903669725,8.580266055045872,52.960490825688076,65.05504587155963,12.433394495412845,39.34036697247706,11.602472056035307,6.591700183486237,561,31,65,22,10,184,78,109,0.114,0.853,0.033,-0.8218,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,2,0,12,3,0,1,1,13,16,9,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,8,2,3,0,14,8,3,11,0,2,0,0,9,2,0,2,9,46,5,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24647936737018145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20959672086355588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681731247853095,0.0,0.1440696763312251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939424799869028,0.0,0.13113410174046894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19409295675325305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16653542144735134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198773131223226,0.0,0.5309301334402131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074667118735885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16881719464904496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329498501003738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561815201876422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310166553848743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104941151172778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300710789485808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885717704809687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987251879074052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659148899607716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161106582215766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524706325144437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223441128440923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271547976538076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219206956880454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,edgarallan2014,2020/01/27,"DAE have a problem with feeling loved if that person isn't directly giving reasons/saying it? Is anyone ""out of sight out of mind"" with the love they receive from others? Like if they aren't directly saying it, it doesn't exist? I feel it's something I need to work on but I'm unsure if it's a BPD thing or if I'm just broken.",2.8624285714285733,3.673271814285717,4.704285714285717,86.2707142857143,73.71428571428571,6.742857142857144,24.0,6.742157984588678,0.7930857142857146,257,7,54,2,5,88,48,70,0.154,0.7290000000000001,0.11699999999999999,-0.5435,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,1,1,4,0,0,3,0,5,2,0,0,0,16,13,6,0,6,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,8,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,4,4,3,9,13,0,4,0,0,1,2,8,3,0,5,1,36,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18141134294387792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267643566690085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623683512854127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24888515970287134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675267673765878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4683220116246864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26196746390977244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923766292315239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265390732281033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482556962640519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4126452631206734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19973494091222502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236502808756873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18888047278614412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,meliodaxx,2020/01/27,"The best and the worst girlfriend he's ever had Me and my partner have been arguing consistently every week since Christmas. The fucked up thing is, he's the best partner I've ever had; he supports me emotionally and financially while I finish my degree and he tries his best to be there for me. However, I keep splitting on him and it's getting worse and worse. An example of this is an argument we had last night. A bit of background; I have massive anxieties around food. I'm the designated chef , which is fine considering he's the sole financial provider, and I always get iffy around cooking meat, especially chicken. Basically the chicken had been in the fridge defrosting for like 24 hours and I wanted him to smell it to see if it was bad; it smelled iffy to me and I'm hyperanxious about poisoning myself/other people. He refused to check the chicken saying ""I do this every time and it's always fine"". Well I lost my fucking shit. Full meltdown. It escalated into a full on argument and fast forward to today and we're in a different city for a job interview I have, and he says he doesn't know if he can do this anymore. We were in a pub having a few drinks and it was awkward and strained and I basically asked him what he wanted and what he wanted from me. There were literally tears in his eyes as he was saying how much he loves me and wants me to be okay, but that he can't keep arguing over stupid shit and having things blown out of proportion. He told me that he's never loved anyone as much as he loves me but at the same time there's no one he can't stand more than me. I'm the best and the worst girlfriend he's ever had. I don't know what to do. I love him I truly do and I understand where he's coming from; I'm a nightmare. The littlest things piss me off beyond belief and I get so angry. I'm trying my best but it's just getting worse. It's been over a year since I got my diagnosis and I haven't been able to get any help or treatment on the NHS. I need DBT but no one will help me. I continuously get discharged from different services because I'm ""functional"" and my symptoms aren't ""severe enough"". All this stems from the fact that I'm in my final year of uni, I'm getting good grades and have amazing graduate prospects. On paper I'm doing fine but in reality I live my life in constant agony and anger. I'm so self destructive it's unreal, but because I'm not homeless or slitting my wrists I'm deemed to be okay. If I keep going on like this I'll lose the man I love and I just don't know what the fuck to do anymore. I'm so tired.",2.7687431309623283,4.324347109640833,4.353842704532468,85.75948168989319,75.06805293005671,7.416204334637536,25.723875675913305,8.133680483312611,1.4903231283246137,2027,71,427,33,43,679,231,529,0.17300000000000001,0.6920000000000001,0.135,-0.966,4,0,1,0,0,0,47.0,2,0,0,7,18,40,12,2,27,2,41,20,5,1,6,70,89,46,0,8,14,0,0,2,4,1,4,3,0,4,26,34,3,4,5,3,1,3,11,19,1,2,17,7,51,21,49,68,17,48,1,2,2,8,50,26,6,5,22,269,77,6,0.07400756626291062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231604475065303,0.0,0.0,0.05032768288636323,0.0,0.05661558562350987,0.0,0.14679123861305182,0.05174781109265207,0.0,0.0,0.13176484897839785,0.06918708416873537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06179322653142241,0.09022865096095012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3883318744446536,0.0,0.08079709456748692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375096525773855,0.0,0.07997588746061797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464431007442125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249923996291469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324855089968257,0.0,0.07646959941906158,0.0,0.0,0.2008322420937983,0.12470913299332385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107167137975854,0.0,0.0,0.08949024288992154,0.0,0.0,0.20525640740407755,0.27066129175903,0.0,0.04206020541224592,0.06207403531613071,0.059190611460291476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992114233069707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288254507999528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344108996112851,0.1973439760102238,0.0,0.0,0.12201786885909467,0.060326044162560176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05227373271524916,0.07231271721898372,0.0,0.06535003689161842,0.0,0.0,0.08279553624589261,0.08078800097865622,0.0,0.3339735900028919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880815324590544,0.05487567263748114,0.057079197523696085,0.0,0.0,0.06945108752771162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029888446123483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051307528025081824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656136141541307,0.0,0.0,0.05897444851963484,0.0,0.07720603206267743,0.08360748446086602,0.15193540650314696,0.1224396471715348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398290916581222,0.0,0.07692219833818034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750201560242926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630881408197137,0.08506081046641525,0.07015051933965108,0.07071740108878788,0.0,0.1004925590165592,0.0,0.0,0.07704448649669607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746063202071542,0.0,0.05936440558852614,0.0,0.06654169002175939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262600979955285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095316892479885 bpd,Maetto,2020/01/27,"I'm done with people I'm done with others. I have gone for too many years doing the same process, over and over and over again. 1) meet person 2) find similarities 3) become close friends 4) spend more time with them 5) apparently spend too much time with them 6) apparently talk to them too much and vent to them too much 7) they say we take a break 8) I get pissy 9) we take break anyways 10) I do something stupid trying to replace them 11) get consequences 12) another break 13) lose friend 14) repeat I'm done with it. It's my time now. Maybe this is my ""manic phase"" I have every once and a while. Who cares? I don't! It's my time. I focus on me. I don't have to hurt anyone. There's no need to. I don't have to be mean, get revenge, make things right, or anything that involves those who support me or those who don't. This isn't about them. I don't have to worry about what is going to happen to me. Life is full of variables. There are few things I control, my emotions (usually) being one of them. But I can block out toxic relationships, and work on things 'I' want to work on. Today is the day I begin to kill off my previous self. I know it will come back, and it will fight harder than ever, but I will win. My obsession with others, my desire for attention, all of it. It won't happen overnight, and I don't expect it to happen within a week or even months time. But it will. This is the end of my self torturing ways and the beginning to a better life. At the very least, I hate fixing myself. It hurts like nothing else. There is pure torture in forcing myself to forgive others and forgive myself. If nothing else, I can rely on my self harming ways and pain myself by getting better. This strategy has worked before, and I know it will work again. Thank you for reading.",0.5370779220779234,2.8821475329670365,2.2566933066933075,93.61785214785215,87.4065934065934,4.737662337662338,17.888111888111887,6.234304977863048,-0.20375054945054927,1378,35,295,13,44,451,187,364,0.12300000000000001,0.767,0.111,-0.8664,2,0,1,0,1,0,61.0,2,1,8,9,16,23,6,1,9,0,35,3,0,2,3,47,62,19,1,5,7,0,0,1,2,6,3,1,0,4,28,22,0,2,7,1,2,3,9,12,0,1,4,1,46,11,43,50,9,44,0,3,0,0,28,15,0,4,22,205,74,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591319134803984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395723123472231,0.0,0.07527116941510407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033399260360293,0.0,0.0,0.10102029204163084,0.07783335725455738,0.0,0.0,0.16179374328344176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325871195188627,0.0,0.0,0.07879241924118592,0.0,0.0,0.1025902286640018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058989919211570874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280813543833579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15282117634233858,0.10289028091088824,0.08101435881625779,0.0,0.0,0.060414392635761975,0.08273892090484107,0.07706655303405006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360098233114845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413374000859731,0.0,0.19115504827636173,0.0,0.051983924083561985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24265712674109494,0.0,0.0,0.090306671915189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19583885037657944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011968640800511,0.0,0.10053790860727196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921447845534045,0.0446871189208846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233038161556757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06105624836489151,0.09273517990173642,0.0918928755658705,0.09963652439194733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300965993253719,0.0,0.20172065456773386,0.06782308294649132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17553388908088216,0.0,0.0,0.09741146881764202,0.06198174193867274,0.0,0.09732943411294058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341306742630723,0.07986717729459622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149372373394304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820344347352207,0.0,0.07811400139742693,0.0,0.07273979698029788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862662559682181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704172825925705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103797904256577,0.0,0.0,0.13754656537301346,0.07351929405159982,0.0,0.08421233918979579,0.0,0.0,0.18230375972002694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666814626203157,0.0,0.08670188925689656,0.0,0.0,0.06210142708146055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074014884203156,0.07547148042396287,0.05395076893464308,0.14520762319035874,0.07337089115787418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26636200091290424,0.09289117999031844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05890301835179267 bpd,cirkulatjh,2020/01/27,I👏swat👏em👏like👏flies👏 but👏like👏flies👏the👏negative👏thoughts👏keep👏coming👏back👏,-6.813928571428571,-7.448023107142855,-0.9657142857142844,109.11071428571432,137.21428571428572,3.0285714285714285,11.142857142857142,5.288315135182226,-1.6251285714285713,75,2,26,1,7,31,13,28,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5030970262461916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.581549609564044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6392913528260388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Umb0,2020/01/27,"I did a horrific new thing. I called into work today, I've haven't been feeling to great lately. Honestly I've been calling in alot. It's a shitty thing to do and I know it. But like I said I haven't been feeling good the past few weeks and it's not that I'm sick. I'm in pain mentally. My boyfriend yelled at me this morning because I called in. Saying stuff like I'm stupid and an idiot. And it hard not to believe the things he says. He knows about my bpd and depression and he knows the things he says can really cut deep. He doesn't care though. Anyways, this happened at 5am. He fell back to sleep. And I grabbed my hobby knife set, say on the floor and for the first time in my life I cut myself. Wrist to the elbow joint a few times. Not deep, most are welts a few scratches, and a couple cuts. I wanted so bad to add enough pressure to actually DO something, to get away from the rumination and the self-disgust. I started to become more intentional with my cuts but then my daughter woke up for school. I pay my mother to bring her to school because of the super early shifts I work. I heard her little giggles and shouts for breakfast. I started to cry of how pathetic I can be. And how weak. I waited until they left and I put my hobby knife set on my mother bedside table and crawled into her bed and fell asleep. I woke up maybe 30 minutes ago feeling like crap in so many ways. Buy my knife set was gone and she didn't say I word to me. I haven't shown the people I live with the cuts I made. I know when I do there's gunna be yelling and they are gunna ship me off to the hospital. They don't understand how my emotions flip at a drop of a dime. And I'm not looking forward to spending the next 24-48 in the ward because they don't understand.",0.7787789327789341,2.8836599243243266,2.3975675675675703,94.77091822591824,83.54054054054055,5.092169092169093,20.56826056826057,6.297961479604792,0.06282397782397807,1372,41,307,12,39,448,187,370,0.156,0.789,0.055999999999999994,-0.9805,0,0,1,2,1,1,37.0,0,0,4,4,11,22,8,1,23,0,21,10,5,5,0,48,49,29,0,1,6,3,6,3,0,0,4,10,1,0,12,23,1,1,9,0,4,6,11,13,0,1,12,17,47,9,43,35,7,50,0,1,1,0,27,23,1,2,21,188,59,5,0.0,0.0,0.09656757642601273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771924549261917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297318484182143,0.07609168224177093,0.08262480682072962,0.1809694672170714,0.10929002716118964,0.0,0.11149044326029216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463264392963047,0.0,0.30313791544037594,0.0,0.10089306768227266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949383324391017,0.10869941426120484,0.0,0.0,0.08523135947262576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131309728088437,0.0,0.1022488423783088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010661645058976,0.07069476817291685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417261600638311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051700851373288184,0.0,0.0,0.08300028117111474,0.0,0.10910023752217028,0.0,0.0,0.08750718440298283,0.0,0.08864586884525694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21753630959391493,0.0,0.11162759720347266,0.0,0.1075168686829339,0.0,0.06989612470226993,0.14503590343827555,0.09918072518756753,0.08738068032669914,0.0,0.08309880141236008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936353307166495,0.0,0.10032667818938693,0.0994154210361524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972519429638334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557310824744793,0.10524169504237248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529702778331793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446547679970646,0.06860419546737613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994789307991898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339426941180476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413059163392963,0.3934721543073771,0.0,0.2002991589969305,0.0,0.0,0.10323353938040332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902828009831584,0.0,0.0,0.07618179052568651,0.0,0.0,0.14008428550303353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328187758692825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629700422720085,0.0,0.0972245679823074,0.0,0.11540502884766585,0.0,0.09379948959074212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20603506794243107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058367293175160574,0.07854731342464401,0.07937718774541075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408347929979992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,my-bpd-journals,2020/01/27,"My BPD Journal So I created this reddit account in attempt to gather all of my thoughts regarding my BPD. Usually I use reddit for really unproductive, triggering things and I've made myself a goal and that's to only use reddit for this community. I'm going to start out with the symptoms of BPD and how they relate to me. 1. **Fear of abandonment.** This is a big one for me. I experience fear of abandonment in many ways. I experience it at the friendship level, to the point where I avoid making meaningful connections in fear of being abandoned. I experience it at the romantic level as well. My partner's tone of voice can trigger it, arriving later than he said he would, and also the use of porn triggers my fear of abandonment like nothing else. 2. **Unstable relationships.** My relationships as a result are very unstable. My partner and I could be laughing and having a great time and then the next I am starting a huge fight for absolutely no reason, and then back to laughing within minutes to hours. My partner is my King until he does something to upset me and then I split and this could last hours. It's takes me a while to pull myself out of it. 3. **Unclear or shifting self-image.** Most of the time I hate myself. I will feel good about myself very sparingly, and when I do, it could be shattered in seconds when a pretty women appears on TV, etc. My identity right now is mostly split into two. Good and Bad. Work \_\_\_\_\_ and Home \_\_\_\_\_\_. I've struggled with what I enjoy in life as far as my hobbies and interests, etc. I've struggled with my sexual orientation. My goals. Who I want to be with. Who I want to be with, etc. 4. **Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors.** I definitely engage in self-destructive behaviours. I restrict the amount of food I eat to feel in control, I shoplift a lot, I've posted nude photos on reddit for attention/validation, I smoke weed every moment I can get (besides while at work) and I've had major issues with binge drinking in the past (I currently don't drink alcohol anymore because of it). 5. **Self-harm.** I've thought about suicide lots (specifically suicidal ideation), I've made suicidal gestures and threats on many occasions and I've tried twice to kill myself by throwing myself out of a moving vehicle on a highway. I also engage in self harm whenever my partner and I have a big fight. I usually punch myself. I used to cut myself when I was younger, around 12-13 years old. I also dealt with bulimia for 3 years. 6. **Extreme emotional swings.** I've always dealt with mood swings for as long as I can remember. They happen quickly and they can last for minutes or hours, sometimes a few days. 7. **Chronic feelings of emptiness.** I've always felt very empty inside. Like there is a void that needs to be filled. 8. **Explosive anger.** I can become very angry, very easily. However, I don't engage in violent behaviour towards other people besides myself. 9. **Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality.** I definitely deal with paranoia/paranoid ideation. My paranoia becomes worse when I am under any kind of stress. I also dissociate a lot. I cannot watch a movie without dissociating throughout the majority of the movie. I just wanted to summarize my symptoms briefly for my first entry.",1.4782066115702468,4.130454601652893,3.4260289256198355,81.27540702479341,96.37190082644628,6.320826446280992,25.388842975206607,7.517143675717005,2.1914856198347104,2554,117,433,59,100,854,299,605,0.15,0.745,0.106,-0.986,2,1,5,0,2,3,137.0,0,0,3,8,20,38,8,9,26,0,31,11,1,14,1,85,59,44,4,8,5,0,6,2,4,2,5,2,1,6,18,35,5,7,10,3,1,6,5,23,1,5,8,9,69,14,90,40,13,78,0,4,1,2,21,35,0,10,37,294,87,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603651684998897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19765914560435424,0.10283126021674534,0.0,0.0,0.04202046322313868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06128074540552771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05500769827910599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047513989891256485,0.051593474087921525,0.037667636298087455,0.1364881178274514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23347338405440976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930462650052051,0.14800689201441766,0.0,0.0,0.039850523500084035,0.06370451169105774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05407431801484908,0.0,0.0,0.12106464958642585,0.0,0.06322831780295697,0.051619022034075736,0.06950732620371751,0.0,0.0,0.2067421806079103,0.0,0.0,0.05206215780257383,0.0,0.0,0.1813323679838278,0.0,0.2781312889889912,0.12497492580038835,0.0,0.059329705706634275,0.0,0.0,0.05255997381343768,0.0747187481028382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032283603899234764,0.0,0.03511763731848321,0.10365586367259708,0.0,0.0681255484179112,0.0,0.0,0.05464218101953314,0.0,0.0,0.06100649398185174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06198209602253045,0.0,0.18255708167954526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449446284780054,0.0,0.0,0.06836334180579556,0.06434652886368637,0.0,0.10073693739701904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04364529295054212,0.06037658998381733,0.0,0.0,0.05468369479679168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759923704539236,0.0,0.11693756862936187,0.04124642808147497,0.12529413551845606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567477981327881,0.0,0.04581774982795959,0.0,0.0,0.06571615565672116,0.0,0.0,0.05929078616628065,0.0,0.0648399766064686,0.0,0.0418716434386764,0.046995359200374384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05898715309608477,0.042838572546964764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05841311307189406,0.0,0.0591793513124369,0.06286435590666459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039585334260655435,0.0635321412966147,0.0,0.1326822848458196,0.0699979310304859,0.05276975947719498,0.05877804048465776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223110070673708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047570256278921294,0.061113554286872776,0.0,0.0874729422352184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078216386170151,0.12919616652610091,0.0,0.2027702153233786,0.0,0.0,0.12845043605964665,0.046459655387000094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041051648360576135,0.0,0.0,0.09811138787193888,0.0720624542988227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0419524965006745,0.0,0.060361495401498835,0.0,0.0,0.21347269715749956,0.13610961745626152,0.25492304824443024,0.10933900642751933,0.04904736163127087,0.0,0.0,0.05555814370946268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05956497716658495,0.0,0.08997016201055441,0.0,0.06297100377243223,0.043895038562823036,0.0,0.0,0.07958363559153914 bpd,ant099,2020/01/27,"I just started learning about bpd, and I feel.. validated? I'm feeling overwhelmed, this is finally making sense to me, I thought I was bipolar or depressed, but reading more about this is helping feel like I'm not alone, there are people out there who are experiencing emotions the same way I do. How did I go for so many years without knowing? Things finally make sense. I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow and will discuss this.",5.483839662447256,7.332177151898737,5.8260126582278495,76.74425105485233,68.62025316455697,8.30464135021097,37.21729957805907,8.841846274778883,3.514694514767932,341,19,58,6,6,109,59,79,0.027999999999999997,0.813,0.159,0.8003,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,1,0,8,1,0,3,0,18,21,6,0,0,5,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,6,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,5,8,1,6,17,2,8,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,1,6,40,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140520197709354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602987718702002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780080843673539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232480525179598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31350187783660177,0.14764800579412155,0.0,0.4528027103382508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745764385957598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852928096018008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358267071755845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097051717147183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759131097651391,0.2095350808192683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14328178607350925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20673001138685007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469248552498406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628497930021495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399645391221241,0.13730507691208654,0.0,0.0,0.16407613574227578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16404826675812575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992264402951211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309133301859932 bpd,rocket222,2020/01/27,Mood Stabilisers I wondered whether anyone has had any success with mood stabilisers. I’ve been taking a mix of antidepressants and antipsychotics for years and don’t think they working very well. I’m going to talk to my GP about it of course.,6.898666666666667,8.228718422222222,5.993333333333332,78.81000000000002,64.77777777777777,9.555555555555557,32.77777777777778,9.725611199111238,3.115444444444445,199,8,35,4,3,60,38,45,0.0,0.862,0.138,0.7264,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,2,2,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,9,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,3,2,7,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,20,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666036239461051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741265478033303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22280785730075256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29476858519353144,0.3151104243606095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512062103149189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234776738583341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524949825994537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4251554094413979,0.28541297976248675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524637287176217 bpd,KarazhanOG,2020/01/27,"That looks lonely 29(M), I took my mother out for lunch Saturday (or rather I forced myself to be sober for half a day and spend time with her because I know how happy it made her) and after lunch we stopped at a thrift store just to browse. There was a painting for sale in the store that just kind of completed my soul for a few seconds. Obviously I could not afford to buy it. It took weeks to save up enough just for lunch(I spend almost every cent on alcohol and cigs). And by 'save up' I mean just blowing half my paycheck a day after it hit my bank account. Anyways, I showed the painting to my mom and she looked at it for a second and said ""that looks lonely"" and walked away. I wish I would have taken a picture to share with you all but I didn't. I still wanted to share the story with the community though.",4.160996714129247,4.766215012048196,4.583406352683465,89.08037787513693,70.56626506024097,7.241182913472071,24.729463307776562,6.980632752743323,0.7627180722891564,636,16,138,5,11,201,101,166,0.044000000000000004,0.875,0.081,0.705,2,4,1,0,0,0,18.0,1,1,0,0,10,8,0,0,11,0,6,3,0,2,2,34,19,11,0,5,8,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,8,12,3,1,2,1,10,3,2,2,0,4,7,4,21,6,28,8,3,20,1,2,3,0,10,8,0,2,9,101,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18833359959255724,0.17646638177125015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557153404962482,0.0,0.0,0.10742664620360368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18477117724912595,0.0,0.0,0.14070331622175725,0.0,0.0,0.22730431265681975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18209011250047666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148479266460828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875974469991078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18351381902400352,0.09685002334876718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4439601391822141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16675071822457194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19196340658815206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20639551404990608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763270489598062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073550637565185,0.14733407804868578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17314262059033605,0.0,0.10275967041388326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915904658030965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039435433536796,0.0,0.1413590678421172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20265292392376252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251869573249903,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kevinvalke1,2020/01/27,How do I deal with being home alone seeing on snapchat my FP is hanging out with someone else? Really would like to know since this is ruining a lot of my good days :/,5.078823529411763,4.940550999999999,5.616470588235295,85.07411764705884,68.41176470588235,9.15294117647059,28.764705882352942,8.841846274778883,1.9385764705882358,130,4,28,2,2,42,31,34,0.16,0.6990000000000001,0.142,0.0717,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,7,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,6,5,1,4,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,1,2,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419302191385796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21291594232782854,0.3403645660315385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757934338905988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769096106304525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331161932717476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814388274885754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129196584981234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806771163712632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114990721878912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26308248680062923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27309900871861903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27973043180969964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345252377700918,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,theartofexhaustion,2020/01/27,"Why why WHY??!!! I woke up feeling amazing, proper on top of the world and energised so I've been pretty busy cleaning in the kitchen. I decided to go tidy my art room as the desk is FULL of clutter and junk, I did this for about an hour but ive suddenly felt a heavy, cold sensation in my head, shoulders, chest and arms. I'm incredibly tearful and just feel so so hopeless. I take a lot of medication (max doses for venlafaxine and pregabalin, also quetiapine 25mg 3x a day and for the next 2 weeks 10mg diazepam 2x a day) but nothing is helping!!!! I've done talking therapies too...what else is there? What's the point of being around when nothing helps?",1.6211668484187598,3.973103946564888,3.4623391494002216,86.90543893129772,82.05343511450383,6.79629225736096,26.914394765539804,7.957251820313856,1.8477585605234457,511,23,104,10,14,171,93,131,0.068,0.8420000000000001,0.09,-0.7501,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,1,9,2,0,0,10,0,8,7,4,0,0,16,15,14,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,2,7,1,1,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,4,7,1,15,9,2,18,0,1,0,0,3,10,0,1,7,58,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625044172578786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628034998742985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23588715400226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871514900215888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15277420634100825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849409805660084,0.0,0.17559512645925576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039358933681648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876894013685516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451635176925435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18010165094508412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155479494514406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184234088125354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19449677906741653,0.0,0.0,0.3509598765318858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17288233364001154,0.0,0.0,0.18605645171734067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750429006462245,0.14699339539598386,0.0,0.0,0.20914117985050268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669668083259296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4950669081308296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,valmaxian,2020/01/27,"The idea of having sex is sometimes disgusting to me but I really have a longing for it I heared about sex very early on in my childhood with about 8 years and not long after that I got curious and just me knowing about the existence of it kind of really fucked my child brain. I always get horny, longing for any FP but haven't kissed any men until I had my first boyfriend this year. I am a person who needs a lot of approval also I love being touched (but really only from him and in general I hate hugs etc) and I think it gives me a sense of it. We are together 7 months now and have discussed to try sex for the first time but my head is just so messy. Sometimes I think how much I want it and then I get so disgusted and don't ever want to do that thing. That is so weird. My day consists pretty much of sexual fantasies which sooth me and sometimes get to the point where they interfere with me functioning in day to day life. Now I am confused and don't know if I want to have sex or not. Is there any person that felt a similar type of way, or do you tend do confuse yourself as much as I do. I feel like I contradict myself everytime a thought is in my mind😂 (I feel like this might be do to me being anxious, and feeling dirty cause I grew up in a conservative country where no one ever will even tell you that sex exists)",3.944516129032259,4.292362322580647,5.0463978494623705,86.48959677419359,70.93548387096773,8.493906810035844,26.96953405017921,8.515128840125781,1.6181770609318995,1044,32,230,16,18,345,149,279,0.16399999999999998,0.7240000000000001,0.111,-0.9536,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,2,1,3,18,13,4,2,11,0,26,12,2,2,2,49,49,26,0,5,11,0,5,2,0,2,1,1,0,4,15,13,0,2,10,1,0,1,6,7,0,3,4,6,37,6,34,40,5,33,0,0,0,9,15,10,1,7,23,167,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684687234543098,0.0903633707598779,0.0,0.0,0.2215538751386008,0.0,0.0,0.12268637000912774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123280645597405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156146214431074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21011281719721173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111699807108538,0.07172885585434363,0.19646868476880888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473330481390489,0.15516681502191967,0.10427242032321214,0.0,0.0,0.1847491274860296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039836229138828,0.17021605662301525,0.10417840585858808,0.0,0.0,0.08685683232202604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721938878941437,0.11145427862574993,0.0,0.12239937625784987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259546346489768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130895261336808,0.11936674093317615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670694262620892,0.10611232760203734,0.0,0.0,0.288321059784376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232729592531433,0.0980151662272536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520676364152264,0.10965439968184026,0.0,0.08668297643657273,0.0,0.23949908495426744,0.08052505252508875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358973978145181,0.08259471017793732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18964955196011613,0.0,0.0,0.10266150162175457,0.0,0.0,0.1104845956064594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20871460072995224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32222264433044384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492063105493967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214859203887883,0.13917217510742624,0.0,0.08621576453844226,0.06332516262025613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373183966825679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960584894202624,0.19216415622061345,0.08620112044797454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986885999878448 bpd,sunshinepickaxe,2020/01/27,"Join our book club and kick BPD in the butt Hey! We have a book club up and running over on Discord and we've had lots of people join and help us with reading out a DBT book via a podcast so we can all learn how to manage living with BPD. This is perfect alternative if you are struggling to get mental health help where you are or can't afford therapy Come say hi in the Lounge!! [https://discord.gg/Y4pSbx8](https://discord.gg/Y4pSbx8)",4.88201058201058,7.266806407407408,4.2191534391534375,85.42333333333333,71.34567901234568,6.110052910052911,22.682539682539684,6.868970318607317,0.5127058201058197,353,9,67,3,7,105,62,81,0.062,0.7759999999999999,0.162,0.8349,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,4,2,0,1,3,2,0,1,5,0,7,2,1,1,2,17,9,8,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,10,0,0,1,6,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,6,1,11,8,2,9,0,0,0,1,11,7,1,3,0,41,7,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5814702801102263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19884838485634246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060447240025175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24537232882579965,0.0,0.0,0.3094546287123909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20383611814604366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962520757582076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23263261868337334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003552318795053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23090265997921075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835733854044406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413242887728655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639858767252346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776723275850065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,forbiddencats,2020/01/27,"I’m feeling a bit sad for no reason Why do I get so obsessed with love? And men? I’m in a relationship... all I can wish for and desire is other people. And I’m craving other relationships and excitement, when I know all of them end up like the one I’m in now. I feel crazy and manic, I’m just getting obsessive over any person who shows me even a wink of interest. Why am I like this?? How do I make it go away?? It feels like some sort of addiction that I can never satiate....",1.0910784313725514,2.6291969313725505,3.869215686274512,87.50813725490197,79.68627450980392,7.2784313725490195,22.117647058823533,8.167268648758528,1.085717647058824,365,11,83,7,9,130,69,102,0.107,0.6579999999999999,0.235,0.9347,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,6,9,0,2,4,0,6,2,0,3,3,21,21,8,0,2,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,3,9,6,11,21,4,10,0,1,0,1,7,5,0,2,7,54,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161917494998732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486045599994964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863227183359364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21650774269591516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564751779687374,0.0,0.0,0.13098465828440028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008208535059552,0.14167570359686787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20722196802319545,0.0,0.11270652960826033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089882975646809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906589016059188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789863075612972,0.0,0.13237626796017402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295213617399864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343828338498124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374860957003764,0.17316030948360053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20390002605199065,0.0,0.4258304660375396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578954381150471,0.0,0.2280515420777833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,veniversumvivus,2020/01/27,"Having the most horrible day with no apparent reason I just woke up feeling as if I am not myself today. I havent done anything productive , I looked around my house and I genuinly feel like dying. I hate this house , I hate that it looks like its abandoned, I have no joy, no happy memories attached to this house , only horrible ones. I want to leave this place as soon as I can. I shouldnt bem living alone, Im afraid for myself and I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep through it all. I have to be at work in an hour and I cant even bring myself to get ready or at least eat something. I feel overwhelmed and I need to be left alone in silence so i can scream my lungs out without having to explain to anyone whats going on. My last suicide attempt was back in March of 2019 and I've been trying to get better but I feel the walls closing in again. Im scared. I cant take it anymore. Just want to be normal.",0.7061855670103085,2.7286202886597937,2.4868144329896933,94.51011855670107,83.22680412371135,5.1171134020618565,20.009278350515466,6.2581,0.002355463917525835,712,20,159,6,20,235,116,194,0.138,0.7509999999999999,0.111,-0.8478,1,2,1,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,3,9,12,2,3,4,0,17,3,2,1,1,33,36,13,2,7,8,0,4,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,9,10,1,1,6,1,0,2,9,7,0,1,4,7,25,5,30,28,3,26,0,2,2,0,1,16,0,3,10,110,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592839895247772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241384760295824,0.0875242210312322,0.0,0.1030071243232657,0.11143095256226013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625069434376557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070578787752833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072655160351981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299103297659955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809594893631776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280837392239877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267591564610098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25316592884281264,0.08942397280026834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079597391555833,0.0,0.07113898418870833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332495174319578,0.0,0.24716583131287545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327068237686355,0.43330023569402293,0.0,0.0,0.2704177179144976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203310848782014,0.0,0.13254066196842346,0.13600137307411173,0.0,0.0,0.12230689784948265,0.0,0.11053049303013628,0.0,0.2102284270614699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281456354861037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264345231208773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482080253649273,0.09520008663391764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077966478564707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869920473823795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253205093379517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252638979494057,0.0,0.0,0.09636467506593492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691949158396902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941148933231078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864984103668065,0.0,0.0,0.08498458931539613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22149171878833931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066278634936024,0.0,0.09112779818697664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dpbpd,2020/01/27,"I have no sense of self I don't know what *i* want. I live my life based off of what others want me to be. I feel empty every day, so so empty. I'm at the point where I just feel numb every day and have no affect.",-3.3271999999999977,-1.8368426199999952,0.06350000000000122,105.73925,105.2,2.5,6.25,3.1291,-2.7076,159,0,44,0,8,56,34,50,0.212,0.735,0.053,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,0,8,10,3,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,8,0,5,9,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984310602739243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5205246734935393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31237915980074105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976385990820697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181858457419494,0.0,0.0,0.27276516001134776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29201120250134605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222510145532669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643955163275925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kyrii77,2020/01/27,"I really need help, I feel like I'm crazy I'm not entirely sure how to put it into words, how to express. But I'll try. I've found myself getting increasingly needy and almost obsessive when it comes to my best friend. If she goes without messaging me during the day for an hour, when I know she's awake and active, I panic. I spiral. I have a literal fucking break down. All I can think about is how she doesn't care about me and hates me and doesn't want to talk to me. Or maybe she's struggling on her own and won't talk to me about it, which makes me feel worthless and like a bad friend. One of the activities we do together is a written roleplay. It's my favorite thing to do with her. But it's very heavy and she understandably has to take a break from it every now and again. But it just makes me feel so sad and empty. I can't help but feel like our connection is breaking when that happens. And the worst part is, I KNOW all of these feelings are illogical, they're not based on fact or any real evidence. I had a breakdown over Messenger with her just now...and she's been really understanding and everything. But I'm scared she sees me differently, that she's scared of me. How I'm acting, it *is* scary. She says she's not, she's just sad for me and feels bad because she feels she triggered this. I don't want her to feel responsible, she's not. I feel fucking insane.",2.1254195804195817,3.878205206293707,3.6009706293706323,89.62130209790209,77.35664335664336,7.093482517482518,22.62881118881119,7.9765259561132025,0.9627330349650344,1083,32,240,18,25,357,143,286,0.17800000000000002,0.728,0.09300000000000001,-0.9754,1,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,2,0,0,1,16,22,3,5,9,0,18,2,0,7,4,65,52,28,0,4,16,0,9,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,14,17,0,0,15,0,0,4,10,14,0,1,4,11,45,8,26,47,7,19,0,3,1,2,29,5,2,4,10,156,59,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135273458699574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709797802295963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893245445789541,0.06911153216149299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897866384649723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155920045390503,0.0,0.0,0.09766137116786223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311663292947929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184513466119068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955222001427256,0.0,0.10189293718090782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5159261708070768,0.16198833381228878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430836875269455,0.1751844203113608,0.20962424759143325,0.05923305915758111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025595503313628,0.0,0.0,0.11193301956939496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198395187432606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165021985062196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461439950054284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16616593383162725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513555997164761,0.0,0.11389908210394968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406513394531867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682492761866191,0.0,0.0,0.13301956483433547,0.0,0.12277262794551635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397184449472572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290440482009006,0.1452601421670649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015928664181087,0.22701362805143965,0.0,0.09034413021059176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852276775943585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685333487141987,0.0,0.08524288442419653,0.182250910265728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532042343995747,0.07264526488959429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697327456962047,0.0,0.0,0.2360519613082357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935451447392536,0.13374144671429553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092881645816478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dontfindmethanks2,2020/01/27,"I got rejected by my FP. ...and now I just absolutely hate him and I never want to see him again. I'm in my car crying and I don't know how to deal with this. Apparently I've been reading all the signals/signs wrong and he is NOT into me. For a year I thought he's been hinting at me to make a move because he likes me. Guess not. I think I made him uncomfortable too. I am crushed. I just want to forget about him and I hope he forgets I exist because I'm also very embarrassed right now.",-0.6014731494920156,1.4828675754717011,2.173018867924529,94.00601596516694,90.2264150943396,5.148330914368652,20.41799709724237,6.67199483983844,0.246153265602322,377,13,89,5,13,131,69,106,0.244,0.703,0.053,-0.9540000000000001,1,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,9,6,1,1,3,0,5,0,0,3,2,25,19,7,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,3,1,0,2,4,4,0,0,5,1,20,2,11,14,1,11,0,1,1,0,9,4,0,2,6,57,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18392843981418067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804079539901686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25264079754697083,0.0,0.23711670732229184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18394953352666849,0.0,0.2533675181569849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22707432478890585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284388198293319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640028266197914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236486895731453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21762863021490672,0.15352471835770962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24445030862118874,0.0,0.0,0.17738779004849906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23005914290385265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964160980324755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327775347374206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737272823850614,0.0,0.1825918496623525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18977153176661413,0.2713162641888001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514655073384878,0.0,0.14811046444966156 bpd,barneythepurpled,2020/01/27,my fp hasn’t texted me since yesterday. i messaged them a message and a good night text at 10. should i message them again? we have a really good relationship. they usually text me Good night back. i don’t know if i’ve done anything wrong but this is a really big trigger and i don’t know what to do.,0.7138095238095232,2.9378289523809533,2.7168253968254,91.61428571428574,84.87301587301587,6.7746031746031745,21.698412698412696,7.957251820313856,1.061546031746032,236,8,53,5,7,79,42,63,0.037000000000000005,0.856,0.107,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,3,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,0,9,10,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,11,3,2,8,0,8,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,6,33,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18748696332327555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17518934266756805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23315203329736234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5732859730997779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504218724130521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4276112558537608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919110225965827,0.0,0.0,0.2446071390654525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18846562795874364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509256165128383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490993764760946,0.0,0.0 bpd,tired-mamoswine,2020/01/27,"I told HR I wanted to die And I regret it so much. I’m gonna lose my job. I’m such a worthless employee, this is the second time I’ll be off work in 4 months because of mental health. I said I tried to hurt myself earlier and she went to get a hotline number. I wish I’d just faked sick and gone home instead. She said it’s fine and that work isn’t as important as me, but I know that’s a lie. I’m spiralling and I’m so scared.",-2.194285714285716,-0.3853604646464639,0.99411976911977,100.53022727272727,98.0909090909091,4.04069264069264,15.152236652236653,5.773587663045528,-0.8657884559884561,330,8,85,3,14,116,67,99,0.195,0.741,0.064,-0.9155,2,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,3,5,7,0,1,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,11,17,10,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,6,0,1,5,2,12,1,8,10,1,6,0,4,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,45,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391758689203714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279977502169845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477604530718573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23351427165134606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203613909872349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351767213726161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180028946808001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073281514087955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245770679299656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22139023081432915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535001271144254,0.0,0.1614933301305472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179403922060008,0.0,0.21994243442047368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809975530248546,0.0,0.0,0.2099178831607585,0.0,0.14915130461085555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957556612677412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20364966358209965,0.0,0.0,0.2526262478403191,0.0,0.0,0.3198657567305553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CharlieRhees,2020/01/27,"Mental Health Meeting Today I'm not sure if I told you all much about the meeting I had with the lady. The one I wrote about in my last post. So here is a little catch-up part before I write what I need to write about today: The meeting was on Thursday 9th January. I was picked up by the family friend at my volunteering place and was taken to their house because the meeting was going to be there. When I got there I was so stressed that like I accidentally smashed my phone. I was a mess the entire day afterwards. Anyway, that's not the point. When we got in we had a small talk about my life and how I was. basic things. I was given a questionnaire thing to complete and send back to them. We then picked a date that she was coming to come to my house instead to have a talk. I'm not sure what this talk is going to be about, but I'm really stressed. The questionnaire hasn't come back but I really hope that I'm good for therapy. I have been waiting for it for ages. Okay, so that was a fast recall of what happened. I don't remember much since it was a while ago, but I hope it explains a little. The meeting day is today (Monday 27th January) and it's in 2 hours or so (4 pm GMT). I'm really stressed about this and I have been since I woke up, although I did wake up at like midday so. The family friend is coming over as well to like to support me since I hate talking to people about my mental health and like life situation. I'm not sure when the family friend is coming, she said she'd come around after she was done with work, but I'm not sure when that is. I hope it's not too close to the time that the lady is coming around. I need time to relax. I'll add more to this post once the meeting has happened, but I'm really stressed right now and would love some supportive comments.",2.63207724137931,3.878236349333335,3.9277701149425286,89.93400000000004,74.84,7.0924137931034466,21.997701149425286,7.6298220110432995,0.6711756321839082,1401,34,312,18,29,460,160,375,0.079,0.764,0.157,0.9875,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,3,1,2,1,29,27,1,4,24,1,35,6,1,3,5,57,73,28,0,7,13,0,0,4,3,1,4,1,0,0,20,23,0,1,2,1,0,10,8,6,1,1,26,1,39,21,43,43,6,57,0,0,0,1,33,19,0,6,30,210,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255286645737344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563813516194622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852242996519812,0.0,0.04301662974914661,0.0,0.0600468191050856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4255070086065664,0.07398754034427789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101899578444322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221393955672574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995711988014446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355830446813868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020903622618379,0.0591877583404208,0.11287681199688596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248032900711877,0.0,0.0,0.06966972238829076,0.0,0.15001759213098367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21026510824172093,0.06949370124659192,0.16284832991806278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05752104411035944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996862873098218,0.13790073772066103,0.14145216646500647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368894187885091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422286916907458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374886451296296,0.10464820062990976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515092568503008,0.047817627008395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641654749197674,0.0,0.04892186490417783,0.0,0.07372688118946417,0.0,0.06670806836998916,0.0,0.1351662325746215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18082660179803034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799379886360854,0.06026333023442922,0.06712481730735123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511979552726092,0.07931960364520782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233343458651625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015585605532207,0.2660320325635304,0.0,0.0,0.2268744356593469,0.0,0.0,0.08069884198519776,0.0,0.09376237702543218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229568457271765,0.0,0.200666122235394,0.06742923067252414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344767902575245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05137318833933923,0.0,0.0,0.05012835439789313,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Tobyat,2020/01/27,Would you describe yourself as a pain addict ? I feel urge to hurt myself just to feel the pain even tho nothing has fucked up yet. Can you relate ?,2.080919540229882,4.455093413793102,2.421379310344829,94.91988505747128,80.3793103448276,3.8666666666666663,20.011494252873558,3.1291,-0.5104574712643681,115,3,23,0,3,35,25,29,0.281,0.624,0.095,-0.7809999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,2,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,4,0,4,5,0,2,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33479977385977433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20284601088693613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105723012374784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839220986843086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287720677345485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29468432621840074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6535822538421475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21816509275049228,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,its-britney-witch,2020/01/27,"how do i stay consistent in my hobbies? I like to write, paint and just create in general but recently i’m having a hard time doing any of these bc like almost everyday i get an idea, develop it, figure out how i’m gonna do it and all the tiny details, then suddenly lose interest. not just lose interest like suddenly the idea of even pursuing or trying that seems PHYSICALLY REPULSIVE? as in it literally disgusts me and it hurts to even try. how do i get around that? I can’t bring myself to do anything at all.",2.8578532901833853,4.790788097087383,5.141294498381878,78.58587918015104,75.79611650485437,9.626321467098165,27.94929881337649,9.994966539143718,3.1133654800431514,406,17,79,13,9,142,69,103,0.145,0.6990000000000001,0.156,-0.1877,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,8,9,1,0,4,0,7,0,0,3,2,22,14,10,0,0,5,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,8,5,12,13,2,14,0,3,0,0,1,6,0,3,9,54,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19988902720402527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574738058317387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16426896289818574,0.1777027281599883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636921865175379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20858478602837813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881890814413887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136956626057036,0.4506898295413445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925704517579318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4466439352964744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19709912179851105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817251255114392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21276669096652345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163991143733182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27105562728567906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,woundedloon,2020/01/27,"Some things never change I was listening to my daughter’s Frozen 2 Soundtrack this morning and realized that I really love “Some Things Never Change” by the cast. I could easily see listening to the song when I’m having a rough day and it helping turn it around. I have such a hatred of change and find a lot of comfort in the message that “some things never change...And I’m holding on tight to you”.",4.052953586497889,5.545893303797469,4.631075949367091,85.31133966244727,71.65822784810126,7.79831223628692,25.824894514767927,8.344100000000001,1.6265932489451471,317,10,62,5,6,101,51,79,0.054000000000000006,0.797,0.149,0.7501,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,0,4,1,0,0,3,16,11,4,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,8,4,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,6,2,9,9,4,8,0,0,1,1,7,3,0,4,5,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17360598969394825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6189046493088819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557047696567482,0.0,0.0,0.12576947933634702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824150567294345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307154181535595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579601509260586,0.17600996342688766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4512261344599816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124932533930386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540286474406426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886807991516781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121219012555862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AtlanteanDoll,2020/01/27,"""Maybe there's peace in being lost; maybe there's hurt in being home"" I've had a lot of song hitting home But this particular lyrics, i dont think theres a better way to put how this feels, for me at least. ""Maybe there's peace in being lost; maybe there's hurt in being home"" Also my soulmate is about to leave me and im shattered.",2.9178873239436602,3.647433464788733,3.742366197183099,93.52340845070424,73.50704225352112,6.2433802816901425,19.833802816901407,5.6839178017228535,-0.30695718309859155,260,4,61,1,5,83,44,71,0.22899999999999998,0.633,0.138,-0.6377,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,8,5,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,6,12,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,2,4,1,10,4,2,7,0,4,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,36,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224271022800097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353968637629985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17942192935606968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740758959884786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4606893378646207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277749263454203,0.0,0.16536493535493932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210164161831472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342345995904237,0.13015279648213898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6152033769061416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389909714414085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809475952477804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151679277245532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mae_Lemon,2020/01/27,Weed and BPD Do they mix? Whats your experience? Is it anxiety medication or just another escape?,1.9800000000000004,4.747337000000002,5.761111111111113,64.44500000000002,95.66666666666666,11.288888888888893,28.222222222222207,9.725611199111238,4.9487555555555565,78,4,13,4,3,29,18,18,0.092,0.815,0.092,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4579589636414294,0.3341041703553943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5500575323730049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4272145849793883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4399686357369253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nonmenthols,2020/01/27,"men with bpd that shit‘s gotta be hard on you. the cluster of behaviors that constitute the diagnosis are much more likely to be culturally loaded and interpreted as abusive and threatening. to an extent, everyone that recognizes severe interpersonal irregularities has to learn to articulate the inner state that leads them to act bat-shit, but my assumption here is that being in a male body demands better exposition in the aftermath of an outburst than i’d be fuckin‘ capable of. i’m sorry about your burden and i love you.",9.515744680851064,9.522595255319152,10.195191489361703,55.45300000000003,59.21276595744681,13.902978723404255,39.01276595744682,13.023866798666859,5.681764255319147,430,19,66,15,5,147,72,94,0.125,0.7509999999999999,0.124,0.6059,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,1,2,2,6,2,0,7,0,7,4,2,1,0,8,10,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,3,15,5,3,8,0,0,0,2,8,4,2,0,2,47,11,2,0.0,0.3053202517608556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279056696255533,0.0,0.28623525377016196,0.3245512572700599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462336280086569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23083942760428824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258942101791798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232575087487275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18943163859360973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911161031162453,0.529029712492807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884626115311405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Gabriella_123,2020/01/27,Do any of you suffer from agoraphobia and fear of leaving the house and overwhelmed when going out? Do any of you suffer from agoraphobia and fear of leaving the house and overwhelmed when going out? And think people are terrible and the world is fucked?,7.329275362318842,8.601097434782613,6.5508695652173925,75.40644927536233,63.78260869565217,8.742028985507247,30.55072463768116,8.841846274778883,2.5074289855072482,206,7,34,3,3,63,23,46,0.34700000000000003,0.614,0.039,-0.9684,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,2,8,1,4,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,9,8,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,0,8,8,0,7,0,4,0,1,2,3,1,0,2,25,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059390482959045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5062487138870321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079569544248284,0.0,0.0,0.2556815350312787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5191099772513926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47636609227163107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155947734866433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14413492917354975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Dededededemon,2020/01/27,"Logical, but with BPD? Hello, my name is S. I was diagnosed with BPD (with schizotypal traits) roughly 8-9 months ago. However, I'm having trouble understanding where my cognitive thinking stands because I'm *aware* that I'm extremely logical and rational...but BPD is almost opposite of that. Then again, my BPD seems to be highly selective as I only feel this way with a very specific few people, often romantic interests. This is because I am incapable of really forming close bonds and most of the time I'm a loner; a result of the schizotypal aspect. Although I know MBTI is just zodiacs for people into psychology, I am INTP if that makes any difference. Wondering what the community's take is with this? Anyone the same?",4.765454545454546,7.345152212121214,6.489393939393942,68.12909090909096,72.33333333333334,11.066666666666668,32.21212121212121,10.864195022040775,4.710866666666667,580,28,90,22,12,199,89,132,0.081,0.872,0.047,-0.6586,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,7,0,10,1,0,2,0,27,22,7,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,9,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,8,1,13,20,4,11,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,6,5,59,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500604929375015,0.0,0.15250790590498114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357021110366108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064927175590388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856831050363392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7672733970968725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545827695078867,0.0,0.15912260332501485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700819109892111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091484768373995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370089588460866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166240293414956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156556724200585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115832118447351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111733028028832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756821109310077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864952333667346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451173897543553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975886218190581,0.0,0.0,0.08880820238396596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585511844217669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566464953830325,0.0,0.12088980483754162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516442971011738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,slytony87,2020/01/27,I would love to understand my ex with BPDs behaviour. And if it was her illness or just we just not a nice person. Anyone willing to message me? Just trying to understand the illness from people with it.,2.8888461538461527,5.437834230769234,4.2483974358974415,81.96951923076925,78.48717948717949,6.976923076923077,27.698717948717945,8.07648339933343,2.2239179487179492,161,7,28,3,4,53,31,39,0.172,0.7340000000000001,0.09300000000000001,-0.3678,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,13,6,3,0,2,6,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,0,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24960916609550804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221889681450973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474854300954401,0.3117017284526109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24236642406009665,0.0,0.0,0.7432588788060892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535888068134495,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Some-Ferret,2020/01/27,"My girlfriend has BPD and we lack communication big time. So any time my girlfriend or I have any sort of disagreement no matter how small it is it always sends her into a spiral where she gets upset and when she's upset she genuinely starts to hate me and despise me. I don't know how to communicate with her in these moments and it doesn't seem anything works. &#x200B; How can I communicate better with someone who has BPD, especially when they're upset?",5.760265151515153,6.9707987386363675,6.220909090909089,76.58469696969699,67.29545454545455,8.593939393939394,29.43939393939393,8.841846274778883,2.3229484848484847,371,13,67,6,6,120,62,88,0.225,0.733,0.042,-0.9476,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,2,7,6,2,3,1,0,7,0,0,3,0,17,12,11,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,13,1,7,12,1,12,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,3,6,47,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862406577765452,0.2425147204821633,0.2719723521676172,0.3044178859330201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18418922779594984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197955371685865,0.0,0.0,0.5638004957890351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693953011794025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209812374928127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230085827979533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20376223206461674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18964652967974732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842476563254196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610287739606921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294755230841154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719723521676172,0.0 bpd,throwaway1836473883,2020/01/27,"Him and I are so in sync, so much alike that it’s absolutely exhilarating, but I can’t help but worry about the downfall of it all. And we’re also getting married even though we barely know one another. I am getting my ass into therapy to make sure I’m healthy, but I can’t believe how fast we are moving, not that I want it to slow down or anything. We are so in sync. It’s almost like we read each other’s minds. Even sexually, it matches. We haven’t been intimate yet, but we were sending some naughty back and forth texts and I couldn’t believe how we were literally thinking about the same stuff. I’d guess his tics and he’d guess mine. We want the same things, we fear the same things. It’s crazy. He’s crazy. I’m crazy. This whole situation is crazy, but I love him. I do fear the downfall of it all. He’s getting into therapy and seeing a psychiatrist to ensure he’s on the correct meds. I am getting into therapy and getting help. I want to always want him. I don’t want to hate him in the end like I’ve always hated all of the other ones. Unlike the other ones, I’m not forcing myself to like him, I don’t chase for him because he doesn’t want me. He wants me. He’s marrying me which makes my inner abandoned child very happy. Any support is appreciated y’all.",1.5902641509433977,3.529495800000003,3.639094339622641,87.8518490566038,79.67924528301887,6.202264150943396,23.43018867924529,7.24861992348623,0.8823011320754715,997,34,213,13,25,339,128,265,0.17600000000000002,0.667,0.158,-0.3259,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,9,1,0,0,13,12,2,2,10,0,19,2,1,4,5,56,45,20,0,8,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,17,20,0,1,2,1,0,2,9,5,0,3,3,1,37,7,20,40,10,16,0,1,1,2,29,9,1,5,8,141,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372505738454052,0.0,0.0,0.08283660173531247,0.17238144225444166,0.0,0.0,0.07044110943828351,0.10861753009661963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524133536215517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965019671502561,0.0,0.06314423705100816,0.0,0.0,0.23340884248851104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174524831576318,0.0,0.0,0.136833359794528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331230436685913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705935038426655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282203254204579,0.0,0.0,0.11026777882486136,0.0,0.2045367799113289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886120571999974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056927410925028774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181867320129372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348918469387586,0.0,0.1382871073551411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505918709836553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459096095988836,0.0,0.0,0.11009408267576913,0.0761466313467924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21057490505248272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036126746660115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254354947383524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643347897249845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857963404432535,0.0,0.11754662555897955,0.09762730033311326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35537420093838945,0.0,0.1376340684029842,0.06637285679187478,0.10177138600667024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546817889355696,0.4276783443750868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564855490128208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519523327815038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PricklyBasil,2020/01/27,"Was told by professional I am actively damaging my brain by the amount of time I’m spending alone. Can’t drive, diagnosed as agoraphobic. Need advice ASAP. I recently met with a literal brain scientist for some testing for a possible new diagnosis from my current one of BPD. While there, I had to discuss my co-existing diagnosis of agoraphobia. Some info. Agoraphobia is, apparently, not like what it shows on tv and in the movies. I say “apparently” because I can go outside, I am not AFRAID to. I went shopping and had dinner out with my husband recently even. I just don’t normally want to. Many things compound this though. Excuses, I guess. I’m a 35 year old woman. I’m getting the testing done in late February for aspergers. I spend 95% of my time now alone except for my pets. This is not an exaggeration. The brain doctor flat out said brain damage can occur from me being alone this much. He said they know this from studying prisoners in solitary confinement. And i concealed things from him because I am an idiot. I have obsessive hobbies and am currently making a sort of fictional 3D society. I have found myself as late having trouble slipping out of this fantasy world I have created back into reality. When asked by this brain doc if I was experiencing any symptoms of psychosis I told him I was hearing music in the white noise I keep on all the time, but not this other thing. Nor the fact I will sometimes just slip into conversations lately, but they aren’t with myself. I don’t know who they are between. Sometimes they are characters from this world I’ve been creating in my spare time. But one time idk wtf it was. And it freaked me out. It only lasted a few minutes though before I caught myself and was like, wtf am I doing here. I also have been experiencing tunnel vision lately, usually while looking at videos on my phone. I told him none of these things. Here’s the background of why I am alone so much: I don’t have any friends. I live in a state me and my husband moved to five years ago and I don’t know anyone here. My parents moved too but my Dad is always busy and I don’t like my mom, plus she is having a lot of health issues. They aren’t serious but they extremely limit her mobility. My husband works a very odd shift. 12 hours a day and it splits between nights and days every two weeks. When he is home he has to catch up on sleep and errands and things. I also have extreme trouble maintaining a steady schedule so we are rarely in sync. I also don’t/can’t drive due to panic attacks. I don’t/can’t work. (Again, BPD or this possible new diagnosis are the culprits behind the drive, work, and friend issues.) ———————————————— I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid I’m gonna get full on psychosis and I’ve been in the cuckoo house once in my life now and I don’t wanna go back. I’m scared. I need to be more social but I have all these stupid limitations. I know I need to start dismantling them but I feel overwhelmed and, well, alone. Lol. Any advice or ideas are welcome.",2.630512533835472,5.000877527303757,4.036692950453105,84.11686006825941,78.3344709897611,7.113051665293634,24.949864658114628,8.16106018226119,1.675644674591032,2365,87,457,45,58,779,282,586,0.11800000000000001,0.83,0.052000000000000005,-0.9877,7,5,0,0,0,0,71.0,1,0,7,5,23,22,3,6,23,1,54,12,6,1,3,73,91,42,0,7,17,6,1,3,2,2,5,4,2,1,25,28,1,4,9,5,3,10,16,15,1,4,20,9,73,7,64,67,12,74,0,3,2,0,41,25,0,8,41,311,98,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126380518034316,0.057321955951740076,0.0,0.0,0.3348691479878268,0.0,0.155138638380224,0.05380677476933279,0.0,0.0,0.13192402362383587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045215535874383296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045339928821914,0.07356620292390158,0.0,0.09944736832292064,0.0,0.07883882850846519,0.0,0.05502547388662625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162887559859012,0.3609397401168572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340763841226767,0.0,0.0,0.06563399752072646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618775453631245,0.0,0.0661751330803213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04271087232538536,0.0,0.05448336999826791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032696758117044526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090224930450321,0.09992062133718363,0.0,0.06756998212750126,0.0,0.07350164911502424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123620435636545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873627297302462,0.07288258079386686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648646466723426,0.0,0.0636823715264126,0.07461516412472326,0.0,0.07299934071656614,0.0,0.1349877081738069,0.0,0.05747755920153779,0.0,0.0,0.17769200314051525,0.05271091388016578,0.2917814522439978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045675068896003784,0.09477671201594172,0.0,0.057100713538873075,0.0,0.05430263116664062,0.0,0.0,0.054976191958530665,0.0,0.0,0.04316464198029936,0.06556054370577473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573530921861363,0.0,0.13745812617642786,0.09507298671448967,0.14384567534625234,0.0,0.12490845014375007,0.0,0.0606840767429114,0.06335834072486746,0.0,0.0,0.06785543637137945,0.06886651716888673,0.08763786743361493,0.04918093393718149,0.0,0.07587088820241755,0.07180324968804523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458009951895488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769851906130547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302316548779152,0.051424504100053,0.06474132439001233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647120786082214,0.06591820941436471,0.0,0.0,0.12791142475298287,0.0,0.04577048741151975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672120877203691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21480401899107265,0.0,0.12706681121140548,0.0,0.1885345098177974,0.0,0.0,0.1853716196892784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316867810358069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712197780613848,0.05335570919383195,0.03814131539344316,0.0,0.05187066571267177,0.0,0.058141940862657615,0.059945453302931564,0.058350445629975475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412314961343037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328476664727846 bpd,SecretlyaFish,2020/01/27,"Anyone else feel like this BPD reddit can actually be unhelpful/an echo chamber? So, my intent is not to disregard people or their feelings or experiences, but knowing the harm I have caused others in the past, the abuse and things I've put my girlfriends and family through, I don't look at myself as just a normal guy. I'm always trying to stay on top of myself and my tendency to be destructive in some sort of fashion to myself or others. I try VERY hard to not fall into bouts of self pity. And when I do, I only let it be for that day. Afterwards I try my best to look at things objectively, and get help from friends when necessary. But, I've noticed a huge echo chamber mentality on the forum, wherein sure, its nice to FINALLY have people to relate to, people that live our struggles with us each day. Just knowing that some of the men and women here go through exactly what I do everyday, is something. However, what sometimes can be just venting can sometimes turn into a pity party for the person with BPD/NPD, validating their shitty response or behavior to the situation. I get bugged when I see comments someone venting and talking about how their relationship seems like its done and probably will be broken up soon as an example. Making up excuses for cheating, or leaving people because they can't give us the ridiculous demands that our BPD tells us we need. It just makes me feel that, on the whole, there isn't a huge amount of actually helpful info for borderlines that do take self responsibility and don't just flail about with a blindfold on as they go through their lives. Once again, not an attack, so don't think I'm targeting anyone and don't take it personal. Cluster B personality disorders suck. The way that woke me up was I actually got the lovely chance to date a girl that had borderline but was getting no help for it for a year. I loved her in some ways more than I've ever loved anyone, and at the same time it was the most miserable I have ever been in my whole life. Once I found out I had borderline with a lot of narcissistic tendancies (not enough for the disorder thank god), it made me look back at my relationships and think wow, I really caused some of those ladies some real emotional damage. I still like to check this place out, one of the things I love to do is read someones situation, empathize as best I can and project myself into that persons place and then write down what I'd probably do emotionally and then what I'd want to do logically. Sometimes its something destructive other times its something that a normal person with a good head on their shoulders would do. A bunch of cluster B's validating each others bad behavior seems like a recipe for destruction to me. But yeah, does anyone else feel the same way? I'm not trying to put myself on a pedestal or above anyone, I'm just aware that, sometimes what we want to hear and what we want to believe are the things that make us feel better, but they usually aren't always true or that black and white. So I purposely limit my time here. Anyways, just my thoughts. If you feel differently, let me know!",8.444711488476866,7.207167628140702,8.349843470224688,71.86462311557788,61.99832495812396,11.584566510714495,36.3316005313926,10.630303351738835,3.710196372667936,2482,94,460,50,29,805,272,597,0.12,0.71,0.17,0.9827,2,0,3,0,1,0,58.0,9,1,8,5,26,32,7,2,32,1,41,7,2,8,5,108,90,43,0,8,25,0,7,4,2,2,1,1,0,11,40,32,0,2,17,1,1,5,13,14,0,1,12,14,56,18,74,69,19,60,0,4,6,4,48,28,1,18,27,324,96,2,0.0,0.06678105525461588,0.1650067612166108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937972263436539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970519451704968,0.11550131035505178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412116147527583,0.0,0.043339743721185375,0.04706083302567722,0.034358421750692494,0.0,0.0,0.06350191106183598,0.11829918926466787,0.04984858039493994,0.0,0.0,0.21296204873121047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158008563423916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269907156193338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05888744174155254,0.12919398808391966,0.0,0.0493237273911341,0.05767901869667559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941682730166487,0.12680179927252525,0.0,0.05823814763857488,0.0,0.0,0.10196729902688756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05513392564141737,0.05313411315343195,0.0,0.17099325698049966,0.040265808887070285,0.0,0.06174301948734263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061799228394554186,0.04354599014780608,0.0,0.08834217812004264,0.054068620018642106,0.0640648956216861,0.047274692959380166,0.045078718801065225,0.0,0.0,0.055808328987434666,0.0,0.0,0.050490265486418974,0.0,0.05784479989689495,0.0,0.06352530844432122,0.0,0.11333699068412252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292705487076068,0.0,0.0,0.05968038320670885,0.0,0.11527017402858974,0.03981092338155002,0.11014465182345194,0.0,0.0995392973310568,0.0,0.1419924221929862,0.0,0.0,0.047917890848807036,0.2034795881211324,0.05333212667862787,0.11286841790533682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05680074662586512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04179252342246609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044773917792712,0.0,0.06416976130485627,0.0,0.12004972098923845,0.03819309428592167,0.04286667628819953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05380495521166671,0.15630030311628393,0.24607041826777806,0.11777488348310508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153790641244387,0.0,0.0,0.1133209633293574,0.0,0.0,0.05637835123443425,0.06415354563610143,0.03610764420964726,0.0,0.0,0.1210257491471439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044914092212883935,0.1026216961936652,0.11759800830691818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267089686492179,0.0,0.0,0.0955125410424746,0.13017320081504766,0.22297818278327486,0.0,0.0,0.06007556373684714,0.04501164333276664,0.0,0.0,0.0589229483760023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05312155338130057,0.0,0.08475607131522779,0.045302523641969135,0.04926383246260982,0.05189156855088478,0.0,0.0,0.14978055291517342,0.07223039545513482,0.0,0.044746004452912935,0.09859732812520552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530673766580689,0.06130686618329899,0.0,0.0,0.2711914711433788,0.0,0.062075990166724326,0.04650545914928557,0.09973324757914608,0.1342152124983352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258547734434278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0400387280945728,0.0,0.0,0.036295987548419104 bpd,Iuvlorn,2020/01/27,"Addressing trauma Hey Everyone I just need to vent and possibly get some advice or knowledge if you feel like sharing, Just a little background.. I’m a 23 year old female and up until 2 years ago I was relatively stable mentally (key:relatively) until I had surgery to remove my gallbladder which seemed pretty routine. Once I was done recovering from my surgery I was supposed to be able to return to work but I noticed my usual depression was significantly worse and I started to recall small parts of my childhood etc and decided to go see a psychiatrist and therapist and was diagnosed as borderline (my mother has bpd as well). I didn’t take the news very well and realized all of the parts of me I thought were just annoying or problematic parts of my personality were actually conditioned behaviors from childhood. Once I sat down and reflected I realized my childhood wasn’t normal (I have very few memories but the ones I do have aren’t that great) my mother was a huge part of my traumas and she used to deny it but has since said she is sorry which doesn’t solve anything but I appreciate it. With my dad and step mom however I haven’t been able to express the issues I had with them because they weren’t as dramatic or obvious. Anytime I’ve ever called my dad out for what I thought was unfair when I was a kid/teen the blame was reversed onto me. My dad and step mom have three other children. Two boys ages 16 & 13 and one baby girl who just turned 1 (yeah I know 😬) ever since they had my sister they suddenly want a relationship with me again after abandoning me when I was going through college so that I had to fend for myself completely. When I turned 18 they told me they were moving and that I’d need to “figure it out”.. never once helped me look for apartments like promised. My dad only helped me move my things out. the thing is with my siblings it has always been a complete 180.. my step mom and dad make six figures and shower the kids with gifts and they love them unconditionally and never berated and put them down like they did with me. They couldn’t take me to the dentist or therapist but made sure my autistic brother got all the help he needs and buy the kids expensive gaming PCs among many other things. I always thought it was because they were boys and made excuses but now as an adult woman I envy how my sister is babied and shown affection and I feel so silly for even typing that. I feel like there will never be a good time to tell them how their wrong doings have affected me.. their constant putting me down.. my step mom and dad fighting over how she didn’t want to help pay my child support when I was kid.. there was even a time a grocery clerk told my step mom we looked alike and that I was beautiful and my lovely stepmother snapped at the cashier and said “well she isn’t my daughter” these things still bring tears to my eyes and havoc to my life so many years later. I absolutely hate myself and just want to die at least once a day.. I feel like addressing these issues with them would be selfish and that I don’t have the right because they’re working and raising kids/ a baby. I don’t know how I should approach them with this without coming off as a selfish bitch. Please excuse my horrible grammar etc Thank you to anyone who reads ❤️",5.075452431289636,6.119581125581398,5.60425475687104,80.9923017970402,68.75193798449612,8.654334038054968,29.23273431994361,8.906399129114982,2.255968992248061,2626,94,505,45,44,846,306,645,0.13,0.747,0.12300000000000001,-0.9133,4,0,0,0,2,1,44.0,1,2,17,2,28,29,4,0,26,1,56,6,1,10,9,109,101,59,1,11,17,17,4,5,0,3,3,2,3,12,25,43,0,1,17,2,3,15,15,11,3,5,41,10,97,18,60,53,11,66,0,2,4,2,76,18,1,7,38,352,122,6,0.12374261182382194,0.0,0.06037746952684885,0.0,0.0,0.060459924065534375,0.05484517958992823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296376585137418,0.06703753410599697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04326185567312475,0.0,0.0509148129885847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113148521445605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792474388831025,0.0,0.06317752096276599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053296651583283984,0.12974177419556635,0.06686090150666513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0399018738277523,0.0,0.05328966512101626,0.06279807311983171,0.06421264731712423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331582720647631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800572206575598,0.08173082806526757,0.11193227679287167,0.0,0.05912068423539621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513596517519487,0.13260261991782202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0323252036949949,0.0,0.07032577794908655,0.05189471593468452,0.049484135389114836,0.06821333319277953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06108510533198502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588412864639618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915513740421344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800570330949991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043701533117479534,0.15113597414091254,0.062011302699008675,0.0,0.0,0.10391262855885257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168253840512328,0.11708825127888428,0.04129957713476469,0.12545558621843925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06235172407275024,0.0,0.0,0.362314628524772,0.0,0.13151881318544478,0.0,0.13763036809563425,0.14315689609286034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06062074327157941,0.0,0.07044089186096511,0.06492352768064051,0.26356368614081194,0.08385119625578694,0.047055916173830994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26800237995141263,0.0,0.0,0.05402363783476077,0.0,0.06791611428681787,0.0,0.06975060108114055,0.0,0.06294536124840006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243955028216625,0.0,0.0,0.06188804916598228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664266278595389,0.0,0.052837757189699915,0.11770756061743502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04930342030681266,0.056325313178465286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236116722153296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925986148996165,0.04379282877431447,0.0,0.04941050482367612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021082474068972,0.058312973605147186,0.0,0.09303904413346142,0.0,0.05407824845520786,0.05696278581157986,0.0,0.1436747097884304,0.16441818570353378,0.0,0.0,0.14735671740636672,0.07215531206619473,0.0,0.0,0.11824136847079245,0.0,0.0,0.1345964280788311,0.060439275623568114,0.0,0.0,0.05343694310333565,0.06814250234971099,0.10210061412933576,0.1094798977713172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668892033798077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05964173101638194,0.0,0.09008609517513627,0.0,0.06305214653777902,0.04395160054533268,0.0676465602943546,0.0,0.11952927743047273 bpd,motherfuckindragon,2020/01/27,"Rough night Hello reddit. I've never posted, only ""lurked"" but as the title suggests, it's been a rough night. I've been trying to sleep for hours but can't stop thinking so here I am. I am away from home for the night and snapped at my s/o over the phone. He hung up directly after. For the first part of our relationship I was able to keep myself fairly controlled but it's been getting harder and harder as the months go on. Over the span of an hour I was furious, crying, paranoid, suicidal, and convinced I was unable to be loved. I just want to vomit now. I'm disgusted with who I am. I know I can get better someday but I pray I don't ruin any more relationships on the way there.",1.7769609967497288,3.6434611056338038,3.62774647887324,88.50864030335863,78.7887323943662,6.059371614301193,20.782231852654384,7.010146845296331,0.4685215601300108,535,14,112,6,13,180,95,142,0.14400000000000002,0.7040000000000001,0.151,-0.2406,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,3,5,6,2,0,9,0,13,3,1,1,1,16,22,10,1,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,4,0,3,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,6,2,14,3,21,15,2,22,1,1,0,1,9,8,0,0,11,76,17,0,0.16735221515277515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380524505587293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723291503408193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800943456911794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769973954152788,0.0,0.0,0.183828550090698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423497087170318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486925041873527,0.0,0.09511012050463374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786791686381228,0.0,0.3296164427777389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875033819759695,0.0,0.0,0.09197240080943772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510419080420941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335789415016808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907234526262956,0.0,0.0,0.4711461515127536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272789008033189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18122614065614168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027716169132744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593472985118549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747307492112282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399139454038676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830561610134924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072325420836207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136211688008206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870867244348967,0.13283639878384634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bxbygmxe,2020/01/27,Group chats? Does anyone want to start a group chat with other people with bpd? Or is there a group chat I can be in? I honestly don’t have many people who feel the way I do or even understand. I also just want people to send some bpd memes to. Cus ya know copping mechanisms aren’t a thing for me:),0.41476190476190666,2.5645050793650803,2.1549206349206362,95.64285714285715,85.50793650793649,5.504761904761906,15.349206349206348,6.868970318607317,-0.3762317460317464,232,4,53,3,7,76,45,63,0.0,0.893,0.107,0.6298,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,11,13,3,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,7,12,1,4,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,3,1,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18525435449071165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16197850513869644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5835225203335613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20272278012205772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300588876477625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713168715713353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731148481249213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348617275054335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4818010568785938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16396654351248716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390123425992755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24116093972688535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27327214560133706,0.18387689151831324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,brotherworldly,2020/01/27,"Needed someone to say this to ...! I know no one will see this but I’m pretty sure I just lost the very last friend I had. In the span of one year I’ve lost every single one of my friends due to my bpd’s overly attached/emotionally detached cycle. I’m sure I’m just being dramatic but currently the loneliness that is looking me in the face brought upon by my own actions feels absolutely impossible. I’ve got no social outlets to keep me around other people ,, it’s difficult, even though it was sort of inevitable for me.",4.7479945054945025,5.614074403846153,5.975439560439563,78.68384615384616,69.38461538461539,8.635164835164835,30.241758241758237,8.841846274778883,2.4229604395604394,414,16,79,7,7,139,71,104,0.157,0.684,0.16,0.5203,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,4,0,5,1,1,0,2,12,18,3,0,1,4,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,3,6,4,9,4,14,10,2,12,0,2,2,0,4,6,0,1,4,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215783097497435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294196311490383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20490145209995167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031259579829046,0.0,0.15347463808259199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210375787413652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814671925983929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456871273773008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190899345262982,0.0,0.0,0.10010840325416123,0.14848179235275466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296551343093498,0.0,0.39769049512289095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506667547800333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703017082221186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262843242600913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853185630080362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485809441639366,0.0,0.0,0.14515508087376328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18568552813902214,0.15434054142479148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34336053551543005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17896775533157616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029812139784515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173027606349474 bpd,Renee_PurpleLights,2020/01/27,"Should I move into a share house again?? In the past I have had bad experiwnces with flatmates. My BPD I feels makes living with flatmates a very anxious expwrince for me. Due to rent getting expensive I cant get a new unit for myself. Note: since the last time I was in a share house my mental health has improved. Any tips suggestions would be great!!",2.682731092436974,5.191660970588238,2.9485714285714306,91.22500000000004,79.0,6.238655462184874,22.94957983193277,7.447530270364453,0.9592285714285717,278,9,55,4,7,85,53,68,0.08199999999999999,0.7390000000000001,0.17800000000000002,0.7751,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,6,0,8,1,0,1,0,7,12,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,9,3,8,7,0,10,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,6,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794065125808545,0.0,0.0,0.2457682331435581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816441698108473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739951112629876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099992152374668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273205490595786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398483316745124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23124421260099054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5020442374839474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733131647217965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920995854173441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521552035349994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192380330340122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23121995693416603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210109996886485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20767495585555198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17995862419562306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268544609279005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17950055227953945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454043325269565,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,glassbone1,2020/01/27,"Forced to be perfect to survive. What i hate about this mental illness is the expectation it as on me. It feels like everything i have to do, has to be perfect for me to even reach the realms what others call normal. I have to eat healthy, sleep full, use all the skills I’ve accumulated to appease this beast that lives on my shoulder. That if i fail to use the skills, it will destroy everything i cherish. That i have to eat healthy or it’ll destroy my heart and what i feel. Sleep full or my mind goes haywire. I know it’s a setback, i know there’s no excuses, but i just wish i didn’t have to work so hard to just be fucking normal. Worst yet it isolates me on an island. I feel like I’m watching a monster drive a car that i don’t agree with it’s actions it’s feelings yet it drives when it wants. To seek control is to work outside of my own pre genetic nature, that’s bullshit. Fuck BPD.",0.8760160427807513,3.0449184598930468,2.4436657754010724,94.1960868983957,83.65240641711229,5.023422459893048,24.323262032085555,6.2581,0.540779893048128,700,28,155,6,20,228,104,187,0.18100000000000002,0.696,0.124,-0.9351,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,9,9,12,5,0,8,0,15,9,4,3,3,26,29,8,0,6,6,0,5,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,21,2,2,1,6,0,0,4,3,7,0,0,1,6,20,5,21,23,5,12,0,1,1,2,2,5,2,3,5,103,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18971671542842264,0.0,0.1538129118928592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16894747326669454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082698824336905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949153167581838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707580627078958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046578417893886,0.2152241787201785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27851515887546563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493738512934353,0.14871868634940627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850057160920216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655676748937455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718313678739106,0.0,0.1330115059810679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180241476746156,0.0,0.15209616896012446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295176287439527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014831338310681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601967185835348,0.0,0.0,0.08884711742046797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322026502590182,0.0,0.0,0.21932491824285585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,a-very-funny-guy,2020/01/27,"Am I doomed to never find love? Ive had a girlfriend before, a very long time ago now though, back when I has just turned 17. I am now 20 going on 21. Ive had a fair amount of experiences with girls since then but never to the point of a relationship. I find I scare girls off once I let my guard down even the smallest bit, however much I try to lot let myself show emotions and how unhinged I really am it always somehow comes flowing in. They realise how crazy I am and they run for the fucking hills. I also get way way way too attached too quickly, Im still quite hung up over a one night stand that didnt go too well over a YEAR ago now. Yep. I see all my friends around me getting into relationships LIKE THAT. And it pisses me off, they can easily recover LIKE THAT from any failure and they just dont seem to care. Even if they dont have failures they just get a relationship and find someone to experience life with LIKE THAT. I apologise if I sound stupid, my BPD diagnosis is quite new to me. Along with aspergers I have on top of this. But from all of you guys, am I doomed to never find love? Is it just out of reach for me? If so I may go back to the old policy I had for a long time until autumn where I just dont look for relationships at all and put on a persona of an asexual. Seemed to work better for me mentally tbh.",1.872956702253856,3.45481938434164,3.589773131672601,90.17951141755636,77.57651245551601,6.960913404507713,22.02861803084223,7.793537801064563,0.7649820877817324,1041,29,237,16,24,348,154,281,0.135,0.738,0.127,-0.6509,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,6,5,27,15,3,1,14,1,23,5,1,2,6,42,39,19,0,3,10,0,0,3,2,1,1,1,0,3,8,14,0,1,6,1,0,7,7,6,1,1,4,3,36,9,41,32,7,52,2,2,2,3,18,17,2,8,27,167,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15787577227102176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121364445406463,0.07409714113099339,0.0,0.0,0.060557386679339686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927381564879986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694865966820902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577540787114705,0.0,0.0,0.07875792154388023,0.09722007089693076,0.0,0.11215597443907163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079290917106396,0.0,0.0,0.07670911182243377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130995322065651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016981506400252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763401720653482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421693278605985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32556213726476024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880018745648422,0.08232574280339577,0.13957561636198715,0.0,0.15182833642746438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817398531841847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618981003570558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18212031818291524,0.06289899442335606,0.13051671348603736,0.0,0.0,0.1576137622890755,0.07477998342380009,0.0,0.0,0.07570754188220867,0.1607430874666588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974194873657433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546235622306522,0.0,0.20604368237617368,0.08600551787792901,0.0,0.08356785215430404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344350905382452,0.09483586525560216,0.060342916477396376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418149644506613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895203380764321,0.0,0.18943231451210613,0.0,0.0,0.05704802398116851,0.0,0.0,0.38242759896478973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915507519079742,0.0,0.07096171089911289,0.16213644267271884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366348531672236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545219095791382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111583611963812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874916540134557,0.0,0.10385211335873734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045943709054686,0.09686136132084416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347598013871129,0.0,0.2120524013360287,0.0,0.0,0.0800670847899556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482981710058623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05734559574310801 bpd,newacct0987,2020/01/27,"How do you cope with splitting? I’m really tempted to split on a guy I like, but I don’t want to make an ass of myself, which I tend to do when I split. Any tips on how to cool it before you lose it?",1.4352482269503533,1.0761281276595724,3.826382978723405,95.53333333333336,76.23404255319149,7.117730496453903,19.921985815602838,6.42735559955562,-0.21404397163120592,150,2,42,1,3,53,33,47,0.174,0.703,0.12300000000000001,-0.6715,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,1,3,1,1,3,0,6,7,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,7,2,8,7,0,3,0,1,0,1,3,2,1,0,2,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084360196047547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3859457362561049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4490952228224128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215862661131076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5074170749800969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30275449446636704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29056183577141226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675211499609909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,moonwillow27458,2020/01/27,"Advice for Getting Diagnosed Hey, idk if this is allowed in this subreddit but I thought I'd ask anyways. I think I have BPD, I definitely have more than 5 of the BPD traits and I've been struggling to cope with various mental health issues that are just getting worse (e.g. self harm). I've done a lot of reading into it and spoken to other people with BPD about my symptoms and it seems to match. How would I go about being diagnosed? I brought it up once or twice with my therapist during in my course of CBT but he kinda seemed to shrug it off?? Should I ask my doctor about it, I see her quarterly for medication reviews. Or would it be better to speak to a counsellor or a therapist? I've stopped CBT now but I can still access therapy in the future. Thank you for any advice you have!!",2.0792088607594934,4.38749152531646,3.5713765822784818,87.04605221518989,79.9493670886076,6.734810126582277,23.799050632911392,7.865858978985527,1.3628721518987343,623,22,124,11,16,205,99,158,0.08199999999999999,0.85,0.068,0.4203,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,0,1,8,4,0,1,5,0,13,6,0,2,0,27,25,11,0,4,8,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,1,10,7,0,1,4,1,0,2,0,2,0,2,4,2,16,2,25,16,3,12,0,0,1,0,9,6,0,8,4,89,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560739768867966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910210186850286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449830498060832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588175668004055,0.0,0.0,0.4950675850271184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659770512975258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341105558747473,0.0,0.13408498210372605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691124479218206,0.0,0.07446503578783982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927439964915728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367569930893746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139353064758203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319948048841864,0.13204328483567576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953830226420882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083685809724863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310613527608853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044106745685108,0.2385621081721817,0.13668858447634938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046374492338784,0.10954351541599897,0.0,0.1369767145319067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618607412849648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063104050139965,0.14983953028731936,0.304262326509875,0.0,0.08395610310985592,0.0,0.10401992512795442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352658115876045,0.18615407339883105,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,artemis123159,2020/01/27,"DAE have a difficult time watching shows or movies because you just soak up every emotion the characters feel? I’m not even sure if this is a borderline thing or a me thing, which is why I ask. I have such a hard time watching more than a couple episodes of almost any show (unless it’s purely a comedy or something) because I just feel every single thing the characters fell. The main character is having relationship troubles? I suddenly feel like my relationship is falling apart and am terrified or depressed. A character experiences some sort of life changing joyful event? I’m suddenly manic and wanna go do something crazy cause I feel like I’m on top of the world happy. It’s super bizarre but especially with sadder shows I can’t do it for long because I’m genuinely feeling all of these things and it’s honestly so draining, on myself and others.",5.522556935817807,7.266335950310558,6.279767080745341,73.93633799171846,68.37888198757764,9.341821946169773,32.67132505175984,9.725611199111238,3.4528629399585924,692,31,115,16,12,227,102,161,0.131,0.747,0.122,0.1501,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,2,5,10,0,0,11,0,11,1,0,1,3,28,22,12,0,2,10,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,12,5,0,0,5,3,0,3,2,3,0,0,0,8,10,7,12,22,5,15,0,1,2,0,4,6,0,8,8,77,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868583248299158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009745886090752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881301423659376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715444181715677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15253453911742534,0.15707696999549473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429533500216598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788952895686395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670251380016303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807264765864766,0.0,0.2502092820014841,0.0,0.0,0.14524638596078132,0.0,0.0,0.37539126032870174,0.2121547903797738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843871939803829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580645690061435,0.13301299522546015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487903184220014,0.1450841058762463,0.0,0.0,0.1314041579315515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188336848376621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286213282459655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994493509202394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945861598832677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316507527163802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398421487150064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kero100,2020/01/27,"I broke up with the love of my life Thanks for coming to my post! I’m new here and looking for some advice.. I have been having a hard time at work (sales- I just started so I often feel highly stressed because of the goals I have to meet, etc.) which has been causing a huge strain on my symptoms and as a result my relationship. I can’t tell if I made the right decision or not to end things. I feel guilty for not being able to be there for my boyfriend and how I treated him when I split after being triggered. I feel like I want him back but I wouldn’t even deserve him... anyway now all I feel is guilt and shame. Please read on if u think u may have some insight for me about wtf is going on here. I was feeling too anxious from work to go out to multiple important holiday social functions with my bf/fp and stayed in bed instead. This lead to me being isolated and separated from him, alone, depressed, dissociating in my bed in the dark :(. I just couldn’t get up I felt so bad and I didn’t want him to witness me crying so I told him to go out. One of these nights, I went on Instagram after he went out because I was bored/alone and the first photo I saw was a girls ass shot and his name was right there saying he liked it. I instantly thought wtf, and kept scrolling thinking nah it’s just one pic. I usually never creep to spare my own feelings, but I decided to and definitely got my feelings hurt when I saw he was still liking his exes photos and stuff. This instantly triggered me because my own past so I brought this up to him over text and he basically said well he just doesn’t have a “toxic hatred” with his exes like I do. Things got petty after that because I ended up splitting and then I broke up with him. We have been friends for 8 years. I witnessed a lot of things he did when he was single and vice versa, so we have been through a lot. I couldn’t hold in my feelings towards him anymore but I guess at that point when we got together based on his past behaviour with women, I felt like he may do the same to me so I was insecure. Anyway, this blowout ended in me deleting all social media and focusing all my energy on work but I secretly miss him so much and wish he would just text or call or knock on my door because I’d take him back in an instant. Literally all he’d need to do is ask. :( Why do I feel this way? I can’t always trust my own judgement. I know I probably messed things up to the point where they would never be the same again. But I really felt him liking those photos were suspect enough to warrant that reaction at the time. I feel very regretful for splitting so badly and saying such awful things to him after when I was triggered but he was right to call me insecure :(, it was just that he had made me feel that way. He said he would work through it with me but I broke up with him and now we’re completely not talking. I am the reason we went from talking every day to not at all and now I keep wanting to tell him things that happen in my day but I can’t. I think we are done for good and he was not a person I wanted to lose from my life but it is what it is. I wish we could’ve worked things out.. I was just beginning to have hope in my future and that I’d be happy with him. I’m sorry, I know how extra I am but I honestly just don’t have anyone else to talk to this about so if you made it this far you’re a real one - thank you. Let me know what you think if anything but be gentle please.. I’m sensitive and very confused. 😂 P.s. finally going back to therapy tomorrow after a year and a bit so hopefully I’ll be able to make some progress. I really want to do better and feel better",1.9553000402738616,3.5389913403141406,3.5277696335078548,90.70510793395088,77.35078534031412,6.586355215465165,22.61772049939589,7.38057380780613,0.7146017156665327,2840,83,630,36,65,941,303,764,0.141,0.733,0.127,-0.9387,0,2,0,0,0,0,67.0,6,3,1,12,48,38,0,7,22,1,67,5,1,13,7,157,138,62,0,21,31,0,16,6,1,6,3,4,3,3,34,44,0,3,29,2,1,10,16,18,1,4,41,23,113,20,93,79,21,96,0,8,3,2,69,41,1,19,47,449,147,8,0.11375597401494933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05558051062262047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178168820727354,0.0,0.0,0.04732704159075864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642559356431099,0.056407679540385884,0.03977041099469551,0.058278219218691175,0.046805736988577464,0.0,0.0531732398881295,0.0,0.0,0.13120698342040918,0.09498148671227374,0.17336146478683875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060791473504868,0.062096030542681487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615756814962873,0.0,0.0,0.05842936041927675,0.0,0.04899534948578397,0.059635487228349424,0.0,0.0,0.045412444421543054,0.0,0.06247779794319765,0.07336319244271439,0.0,0.04898892686540714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820592832394347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04751425972086197,0.0,0.15113104262298485,0.05877016502303122,0.06343399053018944,0.03756737398936577,0.0,0.0479221571812618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34511063067923703,0.04063364528289908,0.1638353615599143,0.06230705459264765,0.0,0.048380386692424816,0.0,0.0,0.04394379167002778,0.0,0.02971640065906448,0.0,0.12930028308029126,0.04770655694405414,0.13647156633862262,0.0,0.06265751516968865,0.0,0.050297016068273116,0.060547674811327584,0.05095150438349541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060094716091579174,0.0,0.11298534968427673,0.0,0.0,0.06088906147000955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05055576823788509,0.0,0.0,0.09377596251432777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05816159531666315,0.08034920861058488,0.1667262686025308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04776318399920136,0.0636319186357415,0.0,0.09671126115538313,0.05133460393912182,0.16145797967599293,0.03796649799229671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0418118649155571,0.042174306667685985,0.0877356199936788,0.0549331142809897,0.0,0.05337613778600709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562598803041535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859294895402807,0.0,0.04966366436869562,0.0,0.12486989919054317,0.10753616462434584,0.0,0.05447338902536819,0.0,0.06132409001691797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056893378998535686,0.06473960139056557,0.07287498984216645,0.058480043659042975,0.0,0.06106567205360791,0.0,0.14572047038502678,0.1082079811441501,0.09046331636716036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595988988063488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636702497854851,0.040258531953283085,0.06062436629298903,0.0454228338964603,0.0,0.0651535419464038,0.0,0.0651116871843915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059118006693027275,0.04276516767679968,0.1371491143702584,0.09942773528658164,0.10473121727585437,0.06504493510876717,0.0,0.26451045055065153,0.14578046976773507,0.0,0.045154768351133884,0.06633202324942722,0.0,0.0,0.05434935403822669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264306702725557,0.09386059205169567,0.1677405519741869,0.090294197268318,0.0,0.0,0.051140141091354764,0.15817939137628978,0.051323536469297916,0.0,0.13081375608868534,0.0,0.0,0.20703925977498688,0.0,0.0,0.1212134701828182,0.0,0.0,0.07325511762951653 bpd,emjems12,2020/01/27,"Tell me not to go back to my manipulative ex This is my first post so excuse the terrible writing! I ended things with my ex about 8 months ago. Recently I feel like my “favourite people” are drifting away from me and are thriving in their own lives (finding boyfriends, travelling etc) and i’m stuck in my bubble in bed at home every day. I’m starting to think about him more and more and I know i’m just romanticising him and it’s not the reality but I can’t help feel like I HAVE to get back in contact with him because at least it’s somebody right? Please feel free to give me some advice or just respond !",3.0782258064516093,4.668674887096773,4.091161290322585,87.81674193548392,74.3225806451613,6.895483870967742,26.10967741935484,7.554174236665415,1.1965058064516136,482,17,103,6,10,156,81,124,0.028999999999999998,0.8109999999999999,0.16,0.9483,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,7,4,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,22,18,8,0,0,6,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,7,0,0,6,1,1,3,3,1,0,1,1,3,17,4,17,17,6,21,0,0,0,0,13,8,0,2,11,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18988108253318225,0.17224735613253894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18256410198572756,0.2988304565598463,0.0,0.1184518178566928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253162506341149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210424815073955,0.0,0.21671112151261696,0.0,0.0,0.1637176589593967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947525104258984,0.2776354685178473,0.0,0.0,0.1775991863540886,0.16528311984943886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152087958393972,0.18640339118841645,0.11043294424655943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302443660378627,0.0,0.19491246783673544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678971866423008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18986370110870152,0.0,0.17158254244905602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550993282428956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347126417069986,0.0,0.0,0.21329807308805,0.0,0.0,0.1860987954504045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19186132019700206,0.0,0.0,0.16594282392632007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375362252497005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983872402887878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909337702644386,0.12450836229106013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Dodge1992,2020/01/27,"I Can’t be on Facebook because I feel left out of Every. Single. Picture. I’m talking if my bus driver, a high school acquaintance, or even you had a birthday party and I saw it on FB my stomach would drop. Ruin my entire day. Pit. In. Stomach.",-1.3145999999999989,0.27238274000000473,1.6999999999999993,91.78000000000002,111.6,2.8000000000000003,21.0,4.935628992294339,0.06879999999999997,187,8,36,1,10,65,42,50,0.121,0.823,0.055999999999999994,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,2,2,0,0,6,7,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,7,0,5,3,1,8,0,1,1,0,2,6,0,2,1,24,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23619356406307845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498812800670007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25591534906414004,0.0,0.3264538955110565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19591269883326384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093754397057476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4209791762385524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921327694376343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114277075265515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752422668837825,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pinkinspace,2020/01/27,"I hate everything So I noticed that I become extremely negative whenever I start splitting. I’ll pick at little things that my friends/family/fp might like or say mean things to them. Sometimes I’m extremely apathetic or indifferent and I imagine they hate me for it (I would if I was them). I haven’t figured out why I attack the things that other people love when I split but I’ve been practicing self control (unsuccessfully) bc most times I’m actually pretty open minded and love to hear people talk about their passions. Is anyone else like this or am I just mean??",3.452979797979797,6.120600425925929,4.737239057239059,78.58621212121214,77.14814814814815,8.001346801346802,26.484848484848484,8.841846274778883,2.446600000000001,458,18,81,11,11,151,78,108,0.11,0.6940000000000001,0.196,0.9305,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,4,1,4,8,3,0,1,0,7,3,0,2,0,20,17,9,0,2,6,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,0,1,9,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,2,17,5,6,13,1,7,0,0,0,3,10,4,0,6,5,52,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.15670991224773148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228628260405392,0.16454053224956033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18269108818193472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17735591178581875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801121653610094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341499738448949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432539303588604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170931664157278,0.0,0.0,0.1809934109078951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690955868606402,0.16095053138998858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898723800487868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3498530101936638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035760923497004,0.16214726272513208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828295565993375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226618467484437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337488329569866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277053625150835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675274403279722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882481662942924,0.0,0.1136644249598932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290738837400881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32006093898247473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363966981982262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449049425463494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407651759144374,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CapybaraFwiend,2020/01/27,"Family told me ""running isn't the answer"" My brother is literally drinking himself to death. He has no job. My parents are financially supporting him 100% but also bitching to me about what a piece of shit he is. My mother's horribly depressed. My father's health is failing but he's also considering leaving my mom because he's ""sick of this family."" My fiance is also unemployed but I've been trying to keep us afloat in secret because I just don't wanna hear it from my family, and he won't stop abusing drugs. And seriously they wonder why I work 12 hours a day and wanna kill myself all the time 🤷‍♀️",2.300300546448085,4.5673982377049205,4.914344262295085,77.9371448087432,78.91803278688525,7.3453551912568305,25.740437158469945,8.344100000000001,2.0989650273224045,483,19,87,10,12,171,85,122,0.273,0.6729999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9869,4,0,2,0,0,1,12.0,1,0,1,2,5,7,3,0,4,0,10,5,1,0,1,15,15,9,2,2,4,5,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,3,1,2,3,1,0,1,4,6,0,0,2,1,16,1,10,12,2,6,0,2,0,0,17,1,2,1,4,56,19,4,0.0,0.18991389858210667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845443961276959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19541894924912093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033718623566676,0.0,0.13805496833813505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702024959947908,0.18588204585653498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45331298846046203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703775981177466,0.18065511153266756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785041920108508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906012645722895,0.1424704607750814,0.1773338299903542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972080181192936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18772621091103106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797975784487258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453231416167893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400711898933096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18189180143201128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346464553779124,0.0,0.0,0.15316110866359392,0.0,0.10882435945357548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280553950027648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446340970427207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17382442684252178,0.11669085355356122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sorryaboutmydog,2020/01/27,"Just ended a 14-year long friendship and lost my current best friend. People grow apart, but I never wanted to acknowledge it. I always thought people cared for me as much as I cared for them. At first, it looks like they do. They make you so happy...but something changes. The dynamic is off. Suddenly, you don't talk anymore. You don't know anything about them. So, you reach out. Trying desperately to hold onto them, but they are gone. Without a goodbye, they leave. They stop caring about you and it shows. Yet they keep you around, like a wound that keeps getting reopened...and you get tired one day. You get tired of being hurt, ignored, not cared about. You get so tired that the history doesn't matter anymore, you just want a way out. You can try and try, but things will never go back to how they used to be. All of those memories of you having fun together, supporting eachother, are very distant. People grow apart, but I never thought we would. Then someone comes into your life like a lightning strike. They shake you to your core. You know right away: this person will change you...and it feels great. Those new memories, you hold them so close, they nourish you. You think it's safe. You think you are so safe. Then, just as abruptly as they came into your life, they go out of it. It all stops. Except it wasn't like the slow ache of growing apart. It was a fresh void, they edited you out of their lives. ""New year new me"", except you are never going to be a part of their new year. That was never in the plan. You simply cared too much for someone who didn't care about you. In the end, everyone is temporary. Everyone leaves. It varies in how long it takes. 14 years, one year. I lost two best friends today. One from my past, one from my present. I'm hurting but I can't let anyone see. I can't let THEM see. So, I'm on here. Wondering why I should even care about people anymore, when they always..ALWAYS..care less about me.",1.4719818235121664,4.019428992084436,1.9542972735268265,96.05214365288772,84.93667546174144,4.740920551158019,18.976311931984753,6.199608861193314,-0.14340075051304654,1504,40,314,13,45,458,184,379,0.115,0.6970000000000001,0.188,0.9877,1,0,1,0,0,0,83.0,1,26,20,6,24,27,0,1,12,0,27,6,0,4,7,60,67,23,0,4,12,0,1,4,2,4,6,0,0,1,19,14,0,9,9,1,0,10,14,6,0,6,10,4,61,21,46,48,8,64,0,4,3,0,52,20,0,1,37,212,80,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496002331894698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965156036826516,0.04618464713204004,0.0,0.05435464186831883,0.058799714673708814,0.0,0.0,0.06205742760169618,0.05078941922710045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863365589889984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755451602920534,0.4714063498739562,0.0,0.13974716292430875,0.05689739860656012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04259766332184282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700380089393304,0.0,0.0,0.043626300759317095,0.0,0.0,0.12622981132604374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033397552562301994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618325362036891,0.0,0.0,0.10206223477020683,0.0,0.13803643906584406,0.0,0.11261553122243248,0.0,0.0,0.07282185829041776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414186953495936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174189684319503,0.0,0.0,0.07260020083388631,0.0,0.0,0.13987770771417188,0.0,0.1350839827476199,0.09330805878555007,0.12907743370779928,0.0,0.05832456156457139,0.1169067513074566,0.05546650747964454,0.0,0.1442057253792499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044089796126255874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711070007876414,0.0,0.25471440632454523,0.2551712628033869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790324455767036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152718691799066,0.0630534976007459,0.1831667873110972,0.057673500393501234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056407501090404384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526876546756002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193020705566836,0.05084956440030193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044379016297083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495430131335483,0.0,0.0,0.04966240301009088,0.05308958170356873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04388158905031235,0.08464608972564909,0.0,0.10487480468352622,0.0,0.2277489675335014,0.06260896670644261,0.0,0.0,0.13453361445372874,0.0,0.06452258170988867,0.0,0.0,0.05704716828815123,0.0,0.054499289988354765,0.07791760767767503,0.05242849564044351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05960107934813814,0.0,0.0,0.06367115461130868,0.07162988305465545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04692099149449065,0.0,0.0,0.21267455337503044 bpd,abbygreene,2020/01/27,I feel like dying my(23f) boyfriend(22m) of 3 years cheated on me. we've been in a long distance relationship for the majority of it but live together during the summers and i usually see him twice a month. he knows about everything that is wrong with me and my severe abandonment issues. I bought a pc a few months ago and his broke so I let him use mine. He finally bought a new one so he gave mine back finally. he forgot to log out of all of his social media and there were all the messages between about 5 different girls. my heart is so fucking broke. i confronted him and his reaction was to just block me on everything. no explanation nothing. I am hurting so badly i can't even describe the pain I feel. How am i supposed to move on. he is the only boyfriend i've ever had and i'm graduating this year we had plans of moving in together and getting a dog and I just don't understand what happened. I literally want to die.,1.5601349630761412,4.018647636363639,3.5951566080977884,85.14746880570412,83.33155080213903,7.1982683982684,25.48230201171377,8.269060116576782,1.9525392920804687,736,31,147,17,21,249,118,187,0.23399999999999999,0.736,0.03,-0.9926,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,1,0,0,1,13,11,3,0,11,0,13,3,1,2,3,27,28,14,2,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,11,0,3,4,0,2,2,3,10,0,2,9,3,25,1,20,18,4,21,0,4,1,1,17,6,1,0,14,99,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737820980346898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049368026890667,0.11998051190565187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982684029171766,0.15013217894189734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949101328735619,0.12998164235859905,0.0,0.0,0.2582901607337549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453144592216151,0.10265675407679037,0.0,0.3148248175143901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328450285713938,0.07507545073217473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707027325185874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028095440964847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538299939809726,0.0,0.0,0.1499817332396057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789717966898655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693932935545134,0.0,0.07020281442020536,0.0,0.12688657510580925,0.12716681345068562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293942295183773,0.30545311555722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878290180844532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788059442161665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737241585131858,0.10928760572397532,0.1529031265754985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427618257964718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145074455553992,0.0,0.0,0.16233605765281653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648040823521594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14959304519697006,0.0,0.12410757336863032,0.15826130984953213,0.0,0.08475587397011708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15710948189218232,0.0,0.18507157167423827 bpd,kaonashiwi,2020/01/27,"A NORMAL NIGHT Dressed up, makeup, and had a great time with bf. Felt wanted. Now laying in bed by myself listening to Zappa, bf went out and feels bad man. Felt used and empty. Negative thoughts flow through head. Wished he's here but same time, don't. Wait for him come home an hour later. Act mad. He is concerned and confused. Cold shoulder. He persists. Feel bad. Talk to him about it. Self realization: ""I overreacted."" Feel fine. Cwuddles. Sleeps and forget everything I've learned.",1.1523345817727844,3.3202335280898936,1.58552434456929,92.50178214731586,106.97752808988764,4.224968789013733,20.67478152309613,6.139981653823899,0.5071043695380775,380,14,70,5,18,115,74,89,0.203,0.7490000000000001,0.047,-0.9393,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,1,3,0,3,3,3,1,0,24,16,6,0,3,1,0,5,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,1,8,0,1,7,0,0,4,2,4,0,0,5,7,4,2,10,11,1,13,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,1,6,31,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33796755902104497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433753926441375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818914041869253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30699718829470346,0.0,0.3886444200469605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22313117804914046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077063299383984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030095672569443,0.0,0.19930935183811535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18992546465559465,0.19829521923778096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21113264076488247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025320686770024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626701266041727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16067180422246866,0.23602570099209874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747964438608358,0.0,0.0,0.1193724521733201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18761376432870336,0.0,0.0,0.2327338061447417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,1Blueyes2,2020/01/27,"Im told ""it's hard to date after,"" by ex's I've been told by three different people, all three I had relationships for a year or more, that ""it was hard to date after we broke up,"". I've never known what to make of it.",2.5968707482993167,2.187228142857144,4.747346938775512,90.11789115646263,73.6938775510204,8.165986394557821,20.41496598639456,7.793537801064563,0.3055251700680266,165,2,43,2,3,58,34,49,0.126,0.8740000000000001,0.0,-0.5574,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,2,6,6,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,5,2,2,0,10,1,2,7,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,6,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990131149554592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5127494457742501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091399733486499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910375467720763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207314144633546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19841174587104055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072665849633105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5469436378470566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843003529490942 bpd,onlygoodforthiss,2020/01/27,"Moved states So a few years ago I moved a couple states up, and now have been wanting to move back to where I’m originally from. Any thoughts? Am I going backwards? Do I just want to see people who hurt me? What should I do, Reddit?",0.13437500000000213,2.4277303541666697,1.5425000000000004,98.2525,89.20833333333334,4.033333333333334,16.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,-0.8465666666666669,179,4,41,1,6,57,38,48,0.098,0.873,0.028999999999999998,-0.6199,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,7,12,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,5,0,5,9,1,14,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,5,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20749045472827746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15917679474824212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998670258413355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589959036028497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302835139640512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505786150645912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7463435772443705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227585672737274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865248536992408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858267978487826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27612312746560874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073451190440146 bpd,hoffmannthesecond,2020/01/27,"Amnesia One of the hardest things about BPD for me is the self amnesia. I'm almost 40 but I have to take a walk at night by myself after a long day and try to remember""things about me that are true"" and I am able in the calm and dark quiet of night to list many things about myself...some music I enjoy... the fact that I love nature and the beauty of the colors of the outdoors...that I never give up. These things about myself that just this morning I couldn't find within me and couldn't remember in the sense that... nothing about myself felt true this morning. The hollow terror which I call the ""existential dread"" was on me this morning so I cried and wrote down some things in my journal and just went about my business. I can't believe it sometimes...I've struggled all my life with this self amnesia. There's hardly any continuity but I know there must be something because I can come up with a handful of things that are true about me and these are essential things. It's just sometimes I forget myself. I remember talking to my sister and mom about my style of dress once...I said ""I don't really have a style"" but they were like ""you definitely do!"" And they said they admire my style which they say I'd pretty much iconic ""me"". And most people in my life would describe me a certain way so they know something of who I am. I'm the one who forgets so often that it's like stuttering at the core of my being or like living along a dotted line. Self amnesia and all along so much panic in my relationships is caused by the panic of forgetting myself and mixing up my visceral sense of everything falling away from me with a sense of abandonment. I mean...it feels like everything is rushing away from me in all directions and yet I know tonight that it's the sickening sensation of me falling away from myself. It's confusing. No wonder. I have a lot of compassion for myself right now (and for all of us here) because so much of everything makes sense when I can remember that I have self amnesia. Haha I'm sure I'll forget by morning. Love y'all ❤️",3.92138045540797,5.384078465686276,4.813491461100572,83.9939373814042,71.94117647058823,7.911574952561669,25.906388361796328,8.460557738077197,1.7024304870335234,1626,52,319,27,31,528,180,408,0.115,0.7290000000000001,0.155,0.9681,0,0,2,0,0,0,50.0,1,2,5,0,23,24,0,7,22,1,25,5,1,2,12,67,44,25,0,4,7,2,4,4,0,2,2,4,0,4,29,21,0,1,10,0,0,6,6,9,0,2,7,9,55,15,59,31,10,36,0,1,1,2,26,18,0,8,15,238,84,0,0.08749961882733273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761822896182091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059502741292366726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24662631659879325,0.0,0.0,0.10667791099008482,0.0,0.0,0.09858210695923897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020270684365904,0.0,0.0893468938665741,0.0,0.0,0.08988621141496603,0.0,0.07537317387400966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611422261625548,0.05643001548077092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23591704618204426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04424243634847883,0.06250974517349703,0.08401335584682834,0.0,0.07997306641893154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393760743083563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838247179263111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426250658434178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236071368977966,0.17099157593027786,0.0,0.07726376649186488,0.07743440920976108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743890469110184,0.157943644409742,0.0,0.058406675012919934,0.08871087988268682,0.0,0.09531273629520322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247849604668233,0.0,0.0,0.19296686301980334,0.0,0.0674851002200355,0.0,0.0,0.16422492976543102,0.0,0.08395824414259552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185840124506694,0.0,0.0,0.20532389969562076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606612184654049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901856902819094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05605449637658003,0.0,0.0,0.09394184480233826,0.2973600333002345,0.07472419638874736,0.16646434943177713,0.0695832088690368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651247415787899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347229628357634,0.08653936037969218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091473599802381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246735522930712,0.0,0.06578882389623235,0.07032887918675708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487851524701186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594064975579319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525126790537327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945312465312402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111302327410637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488960413439773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215721872822867,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,left_tiddy,2020/01/27,"Waiting to get into therapy is so exhausting I could be waiting another 2 months at least, and I'm scared I won't even be able to fucking afford it when I CAN finally get in. I'm dating someone new and getting so attached and I just need some fucking healthy coping mechanisms. Everytime I don't hear from him for a couple hrs or he leaves a message on read for like a minute bc he gets diatractred I'm convinced this is it, he's done and doesn't like me anymore. I've been really good and not put any of it on him, I just suffer quietly but it's so exhausting. I just want to be a normal person who doesn't cry over everything. It doesn't help my last 2 relationships ended in being ghosted. ._. I'm just so convinced he's going to get bored and not want me anymore. And I'm so so scared I'm going to lose my good sense and let this get to our relationship. Things have been going SO healthy so far and we have such great communication. We make eachother feel so safe. I've been taking things slow (at least for me, but this point my ex had gotten my lips tattoo'd on himself and said he loved me) and I'm so scared I'll ruin it all because I can't deal with my own mental health :(",2.470483870967744,3.9099844354838735,4.233903225806454,86.7933548387097,75.61290322580646,7.218064516129032,25.30322580645161,7.908726449838941,1.3270703225806455,932,32,200,14,20,315,132,248,0.135,0.7020000000000001,0.162,0.7573,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,3,0,0,1,17,20,2,3,4,0,22,7,1,1,1,36,52,25,1,5,9,1,1,2,0,1,3,3,0,1,12,15,0,3,1,1,0,4,8,11,0,0,7,4,23,9,21,38,5,23,0,3,0,3,22,11,2,2,10,120,35,1,0.1167879618110564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941981886137467,0.12246236088886972,0.0,0.0,0.23164455251017105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711928575333491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324568438318524,0.12922365840139866,0.12828609210924027,0.0,0.1204032604850048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951463284698287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343946966101764,0.0,0.0,0.07713734732270235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496148954452804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059051502577291234,0.0,0.0,0.12793550361353798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21593717759635345,0.36610133880548135,0.0,0.1991198702305784,0.1959124027995925,0.0,0.1287591401944137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414014215385008,0.13162852085158622,0.0,0.07828050901737188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519777635763177,0.0,0.12366158870744025,0.0,0.1194236035783039,0.0,0.11411339790613795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065585606288455,0.0,0.0,0.10540569524093728,0.0,0.07795687138226598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769479668377295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321903689543687,0.0,0.0,0.08659679386800752,0.0,0.11279454126897147,0.0,0.0,0.11442740614266116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197474353173083,0.0,0.0,0.11040237311673087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740415867161035,0.0,0.0,0.11681956629213615,0.0,0.0748173588628373,0.0,0.0,0.2507731286209561,0.0,0.0,0.11109209585646697,0.0,0.350775370792598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895406105124728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781001284073492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335572125027394,0.0,0.15517746481968836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776913149582753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Dense-Explanation,2020/01/27,"Feeling like a total failure help I'm 33, have been married for 7 years and have a 6 yr old. I was diagnosed with BPD at age 29. DH and I have always planned on having two kids. Now because of my diagnosis DH does not want a second child. I am doing my best to manage my BPD and having a second child has been on my mind a lot lately since I'm not getting any younger. I feel that this may be the end of our marriage but getting back in the dating game will not be easy at my age. I feel like I've blown the opportunity to have a second child and a happy marriage. We have been arguing nonstop for the past few months about a few things, mainly the second child. He refuses to go to therapy with me and things the problems and says the problems are all mine. I spend every day feeling hopeless.",3.796727272727271,4.356331703030303,5.135151515151517,84.96272727272729,71.36363636363637,7.454545454545455,27.72727272727273,7.348242739294969,1.3911818181818187,621,21,131,6,11,208,99,165,0.124,0.754,0.122,-0.3116,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,2,0,0,3,3,9,1,0,15,0,19,1,0,0,2,26,29,7,0,3,4,0,4,2,0,2,1,1,0,5,4,9,0,1,4,1,1,1,3,4,0,5,4,5,15,5,16,21,7,18,0,1,0,0,15,5,0,2,14,93,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360345005623267,0.0,0.0,0.10919012074225573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123465042867871,0.0,0.09787930546179097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16850370144963475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044535295359977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355153510588218,0.0,0.0,0.16297071414042708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051204723143654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221347194855488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528345145503126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32474718723197304,0.2294162075499999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16777780811381074,0.0,0.09125313632612338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092507741400434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762374371932844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18112500168117493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688849300234484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365071396325302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621254938604364,0.0,0.12816193791446484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684865975177253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327804300017256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30727920757623883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768821760180665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282153172525246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836207683201558,0.0,0.21334531308506224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568492697492085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470575681394053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339898840718642 bpd,MyFavoriteBurger,2020/01/27,"My GF has no friends How do you lift yourself up when you have no one in your life? when your mom is depressed too, and she is the only one besides your boyfriend (who might not be there forever) to support you? I hucking hate BPD and having to see the suffering it causes on someone you love is heartbreaking. Could you guys share experiences/insights/perspectives anything? She wants to get a job as a tattoo artist. she is a pretty gifted artist.",5.3799215686274495,6.736881599999999,5.205588235294119,82.97348039215687,68.29411764705883,8.019607843137255,31.81372549019608,8.344100000000001,2.381666666666667,356,15,66,5,6,110,64,85,0.17800000000000002,0.67,0.152,-0.3899,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,8,0,0,5,8,1,0,5,0,11,2,0,2,0,8,17,6,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,2,0,1,13,4,7,14,0,5,0,3,1,1,18,3,0,1,2,50,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19000817824201185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29080610842099763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371943493128215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18435209846518985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988708510240694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17839009355426114,0.0,0.12063391191803068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286238754793141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22796252997048505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22912918740503865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308905417951636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20839314158493266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449447399948813,0.0,0.2704232362862965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129229414541421,0.17560722278805302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234904789344416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18399464760281145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19563788852130032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26201865663021584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361887612439598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,strawberrysoylent,2020/01/27,"Any advice? Called the local mental health crisis line and I’m seeing a team tomorrow, but as of now I’m alone and on edge. I’m gonna take my night meds in a few hours but until then I need something to distract me. All day I’ve been worried about relapsing and hurting myself or getting drunk and high alone. I need to get through tonight, I really need to.",1.207567567567569,3.4870283378378417,2.6877702702702737,92.26787162162165,83.18918918918921,5.321621621621622,21.41216216216216,6.6274283507984215,0.4263297297297299,283,9,59,3,8,92,56,74,0.258,0.742,0.0,-0.9571,0,2,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,11,12,10,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,6,0,10,10,2,12,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,1,8,31,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19974462213331654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4234090030285965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900409471811534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20872288953503906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182591333552665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21358894167450604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21727559097552188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159677236400942,0.0,0.0,0.20130019143682967,0.0,0.21882243324388376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270506280941433,0.0,0.2059946610381545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4546966655057897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918225715015779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309486647921203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628862955300726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573628632898799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368898490460714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075857164529999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,U_T_R,2020/01/27,"Love is not a limited resource. An old friend of mine was in a relationship once with a woman who was poly, and he told me, ""love is not a limited resource."" I don't think I could by poly because of my obsessive need to be my SOs' favorites. It might work as long as I knew he would never like anyone better than me, but I'd be constantly living in fear of that happening. But I do have love for multiple men myself. I have before and I do again. And in a monogamous relationship, this is hell.",2.6965594059405937,4.0942934455445545,4.755532178217823,83.45428836633664,74.94059405940594,8.614356435643566,25.496287128712872,9.188382445141503,2.0070881188118816,382,13,81,9,8,132,66,101,0.141,0.6970000000000001,0.162,0.0665,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,4,1,9,1,2,6,0,15,3,0,0,1,17,23,7,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,12,6,13,14,0,8,1,0,0,3,12,3,1,1,6,59,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352080784517406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640494653499432,0.0,0.1624894095210383,0.0,0.0,0.168884978996493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20635549362188815,0.0,0.15246275091794334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21487848061570847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475320575476256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16886167504110666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329140901506974,0.0,0.16861756148212828,0.16898996578342992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5170354756412602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20257403736335344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159138303425162,0.14727696502703552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20037609874101628,0.2033618053630713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4100303547425597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235683265904093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824665492648616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901817220098728,0.0,0.0,0.13564959522868614,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hopeyc13,2020/01/27,"90% sure i have BPD but my psychiatrist won’t diagnose me with it?? My boyfriend has bipolar and has a friend diagnosed with BPD. We’ve been dating for 6 months and he’s under the impression that i have BPD and treats me as such. I am currently diagnosed with depression and a mood disorder, but I don’t understand why they won’t diagnose me with BPD. I was neglected as a child and i think this is why i am the way i am (also due to genetics i suppose). I have an extreme fear of abandonment, an unclear to no self-image, issues with drugs (maybe as a way of self-harm or self-destructive behavior, i c*t myself every so often, i have intense mood swings and anger issues, and when i’m not emotional, i feel empty. I seem to fit the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria perfectly, but they refuse to diagnose me with BPD. I have cut people out of my life quickly and for no reason and then blame them and i also black out when i’m angry and forget what i said. my memory is complete shit and i’m not sure if this is due to the disorder or something else. I guess i just need someone diagnosed with BPD to give me their opinion on my situation. Thanks and if anyone chooses to, feel free to message me. :)",3.5860416666666697,4.88706952083334,5.294166666666668,80.85416666666669,72.54166666666666,9.333333333333334,28.333333333333336,9.725611199111238,2.6733333333333342,935,36,188,24,18,319,129,240,0.222,0.6459999999999999,0.132,-0.9793,1,0,2,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,4,1,9,17,3,1,10,0,18,10,1,1,3,51,31,29,0,3,10,0,2,0,1,2,9,1,0,1,5,22,0,3,7,0,1,0,7,7,0,0,3,4,35,9,27,26,0,16,0,3,1,0,11,5,1,9,9,129,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112032954533126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05732301146559793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6195130908549981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595550391981473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706101029925897,0.4992538497651869,0.0,0.0,0.18791462458828004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507191635621597,0.0,0.06848459411499781,0.09221757475253917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907251639727964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225140116233743,0.08290409940681873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333830631216829,0.0,0.0,0.07864363182449133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031129854194854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17113369981634569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579055947781203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236091928897317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543644076856363,0.0,0.0,0.06078786223727625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568352932259752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429010737714289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798269100893422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463241053569332,0.25657214291933234,0.0,0.08415230388601756,0.0,0.09215006297436816,0.0,0.0,0.06946222328012204,0.06311296814297898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453221793430869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754770772863092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05253010549143376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534509749414937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014538134843787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795017682251252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,whostommywhite,2020/01/28,"my boyfriend told another girl she’s beautiful my boyfriend and I have been together for a while. his best friend has an online best friend, and told my boyfriend to add her. he told me she has really bad seasonal depression, and cries a lot because she thinks she’s not pretty. i got insecure, and i read the conversation when i should not have. he told her he thought she was beautiful, and has been helping her and giving her advice. i can’t help but feel like he’s been complaining to her about me behind my back. i don’t tell other boys what I think of how they look...ever. i don’t talk to other boys in that capacity because then i feel like it isn’t special for my boyfriend. do i have a right to be somewhat upset about this...it slightly hurts, especially when he only tells me i’m pretty anymore.",4.523399209486165,5.441463124223606,5.216318464144553,83.73312817617169,69.93167701863354,8.835911914172783,28.92207792207793,9.095868883498916,2.2066099378882003,637,23,131,12,11,206,90,161,0.12300000000000001,0.6920000000000001,0.184,0.8079999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,2,6,13,0,2,5,0,17,0,0,1,0,19,29,12,0,1,3,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,3,5,7,0,0,5,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,10,2,30,7,11,17,4,8,0,2,0,0,34,2,0,2,8,87,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355819465986067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548830990049005,0.0,0.0,0.13759972532680098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668786606547302,0.1158479358593613,0.169157746826596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29121279860622423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15240704645281986,0.0,0.0,0.11950257368606244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403092875998175,0.19824174564566124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21439115073984916,0.0,0.0,0.13309874945278216,0.0,0.0,0.1109686375810352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18599835692245925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853151560119462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556953563415294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165125219220922,0.0,0.0,0.11795772383671252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552333322340038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823111255700567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878453052668405,0.0,0.08888487052810004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184891659129265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151956979338906,0.242541958413734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778069294952168,0.0,0.11014960680775493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5303147548904042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,todd12344,2020/01/28,"I recently opened up to my best friend about having this disorder... It was very hard for me but I did open up to one of my friends about this disorder and, he told me ""Oh i'm sure it can be quite easy to deal with"" after looking it up, that really pissed me off but I know he didn't mean it in a bad way. Probably trying to make me feel better about it. I just find it really hard for others to take this disorder seriously or maybe they don't know how to react, and I can't stand it, my parents said the same xd Anyone else relate to this?",1.9866858237547904,3.091370120689657,3.9832183908045984,89.46139846743297,76.24137931034483,7.914176245210728,20.64750957854406,8.515128840125781,0.8582118773946363,418,9,98,8,9,143,75,116,0.16699999999999998,0.654,0.179,0.3847,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,3,5,8,1,0,2,0,8,1,1,3,1,19,18,6,0,0,4,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,13,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,5,5,13,5,20,12,2,11,0,0,1,0,9,7,1,1,2,66,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974952828107014,0.1608232580036761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105438316311502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16471900602905384,0.1388176650347721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181805222404158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5396665548020418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111927839227944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936329206924017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345787329355858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24253259073990585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812092423206456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252135264453253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318062042108006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477149068674496,0.0,0.1576866219979535,0.17097459255936212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063596220237142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742846265098775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692285742915833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166945439056895,0.0,0.0,0.20110417666370864,0.0,0.15497828299663682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493041508723831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793219676443772,0.0,0.118013791208133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499812503539837,0.0,0.10656499970673193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950778536371554,0.0,0.12458691410100756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sisirinah,2020/01/28,"paranoia with weed I was wondering about other’s experiences with weed bringing on paranoia. I stopped smoking weed in about April, maybe smoked once in May, and it seems like no matter what I do it makes me paranoid now. The last time I smoked it was just me and my roommate (we used to smoke every day together and it was super chill). i had decided to give smoking another go just with her and it made me so scared she hated me and all this other stuff so I took a break. Last night I decided to smoke with a group of coworkers bc I thought a fun environment would make it fine since there was no social pressure specifically on me, but I freaked tf out and walked home immediately, left the part like 2 hours early. Just curious abt other experiences with this and also if CBD oil makes you folks paranoid? I want to try it for relaxing my body but I’m scared even that will affect my anxiety (even tho ik it’s not supposed to have psychoactive effects).",3.9455793226381455,5.722605411764711,4.731893048128342,83.34176114081998,72.42245989304813,8.195222816399287,27.974688057041,8.841846274778883,2.149961426024955,760,29,150,15,15,245,118,187,0.14400000000000002,0.7509999999999999,0.105,-0.6772,0,0,4,0,0,0,15.0,1,1,0,2,13,11,1,3,5,0,10,1,1,7,1,39,25,14,0,3,7,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,16,14,0,1,6,1,0,4,3,5,0,0,8,1,22,6,19,14,2,21,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,4,12,98,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228757282292188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111788544545955,0.1175436266562923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067312163949758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909305396249887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029718551773461,0.0,0.1294587312641878,0.0,0.0,0.300602962396571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473973344108182,0.08732417103199616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516998841983531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541258344035667,0.0,0.15131661316042136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504943447851727,0.0,0.0,0.1669437271047669,0.0,0.0,0.15013355318470187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538956807441106,0.307692408881101,0.0,0.15436443716016934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419232113075364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636347373437236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639052098934626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076656130544297,0.0,0.0,0.13987932803211706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271028111478432,0.0,0.0,0.15662922022374887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284602441189574,0.0,0.0,0.17589517895613346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198280221725563,0.08959592052144921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071341368525542,0.10431985917560446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270629618519109,0.0,0.0,0.09062813661745528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666294184550447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915022044773436,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,IonizeAtomize23,2020/01/28,"cut ties with fp this morning and it hurts so much, i want to undo it already and i can’t i wish i hadn’t done it. they’re so Good and they were so good to me and for me and made me so happy in every way. i already feel alone and isolated and i keep looking at my phone out of habit and desperation, expecting to see that uplifting and wonderful red notification badge. it’s so painfully tempting to take it back, and it hasn’t even been a full day. they’re such a good person and exactly the type of person who would gently but firmly push back and insist that i respect my own decision. i want to throw up. i want to lash out. i want to do SOMETHING to get this hurt out. to make it stop. i miss them. my heart is broken. and it’s my fault.",0.3091120976692565,2.3363684276729586,2.529345172031075,93.58704772475029,84.84905660377359,5.753755086940438,19.415834258231595,7.048011613610866,0.2117048464668887,576,16,134,8,17,195,93,159,0.17,0.672,0.158,-0.626,0,1,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,0,10,11,1,0,3,0,9,2,1,2,1,34,24,19,0,8,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,13,17,0,2,3,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,5,4,20,5,19,18,3,14,0,3,3,0,6,7,0,1,4,90,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587273635903182,0.332161250751481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314506056670476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706012714731684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401387578003656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940391017868676,0.0,0.12680284252403445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609738293893806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863010128905162,0.0,0.0,0.3786970818942692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021017679269395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834336740237364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32222698338950617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377142214826593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638219678193846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240685294184427,0.10045999907509816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063490532092923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014273924154515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628218002912697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992911070879415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586234551856794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258248396732221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315736063224473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550754815385362,0.11945999043554699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17306771114820538,0.0,0.1632109607586693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691096753183167,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pizza_roll_boot,2020/01/28,"Anyone in here that did NOT have some sort of abusive/manipulative caretakers as a child? I have a theory that a lot of the emo/psych instability of BPD has been cultivated (or exacerbated) in people from a very young age, when there was extreme insecurity during key developmental periods as a child. This would be primarily from caretakers, who we first learn from, and learn our identity through. I read a lot about BPD peeps having NPD parents, or other types of toxicity/manipulation/abuses. It’s not to say that the parenting would contribute 100% to BPD development, but I have a theory that it’s a huge part of it, and also why it’s so difficult to ever “grow beyond” the particular instability BPDs live with (especially compared to so many other types of mental health disorders). I am curious, does anyone identify as BPD and also feel they had a really stable childhood with super stable parental figures? Like no emotional manipulation, no weird extremes like authority, no confusing boundaries/relations, no psychological devaluation, none of that... Anyone? Thank you in advance!! xo",11.074920634920637,10.260692894179897,11.892063492063494,47.20571428571429,56.56613756613756,15.384126984126985,42.693121693121704,14.06817628641468,6.579162962962964,883,41,130,33,9,309,123,189,0.12,0.725,0.155,0.8516,3,0,0,0,1,0,33.0,2,1,1,3,10,8,0,2,12,0,13,1,0,1,1,24,15,14,0,2,5,3,1,2,0,2,1,1,0,2,13,6,0,0,4,1,0,2,7,4,0,1,4,2,8,4,25,8,5,14,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,7,9,97,21,5,0.0,0.1460232075016388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971153123198799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258523831064297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6208827002066523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124754736215767,0.0,0.10785107920396353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863217177504308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114806587543081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06231553681964992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483072384111576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100190954598515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042094338798268,0.0,0.10882612900711518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20955416447908232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494940509358228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242003017049273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105414396456696,0.13346052953069454,0.0,0.08544141563613815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327669351012592,0.0,0.07895284078273429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800805227257653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134659111510164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168866432888136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120794697998608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509706842349984,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,leandrul,2020/01/28,"Does anyone struggle with self hatred? I have struggled with this for nearly my whole life--since I can remember. I don't think I do anything super wrong, and I try not to hurt others...But I just hate myself. I know logically there is no need, I understand that it's okay to be different, to be myself--but I can't shake it--I hate myself. I have so much wonderful emotional support, it's shocks me that I could still feel so bad about myself--it's almost an insult, and that is just another thing to hate myself for. I don't understand why I loathe myself so much, I want it to end. I believe it stems from some extreme form of low self-esteem. I try to reason with myself all day--how lucky I am to have survived what I went through with suicide and ECT. I have done DBT, did Mentalization, have been loved beyond what my mind can comprehend by my family and friends. All that's left is for me to love myself, and I'm not able to. Is there a song or poem someone can inspire me with, advice, words of experience? Thank you for reading this...",2.6153333333333317,4.398567295238101,4.019047619047623,87.02761904761904,76.04761904761905,6.9523809523809526,23.095238095238088,7.793537801064563,1.0632380952380958,812,24,167,12,18,268,119,210,0.179,0.622,0.19899999999999998,0.3998,1,0,0,0,0,2,39.0,0,1,0,2,10,21,4,3,2,1,23,2,0,1,2,35,40,9,1,3,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,13,10,0,0,10,2,0,2,6,12,0,0,4,2,32,9,26,33,7,8,0,2,0,2,6,4,0,5,2,120,45,1,0.12317703067513815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036716877836515,0.0,0.0,0.12334400333593415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916185666603594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612824385667309,0.0,0.10136420088243964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284767550573183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387783327022305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834683598788944,0.0,0.0,0.07943899460396459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869378016095434,0.0,0.0,0.10779304961917507,0.1260528685322685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385575803344585,0.10909828829848592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049077181935505,0.11612034204552565,0.0,0.062282007765010826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095166268345776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36483544911681504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186355894567972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769487470140817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338322042396652,0.0,0.087003579543422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22234415867334767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241334753737331,0.0,0.12437368715756213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810985809540512,0.09133420747512652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232103641289896,0.0,0.0,0.12664650263953114,0.0,0.0,0.13953556382785606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570010138127221,0.0,0.0,0.1018933126507874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436749836647162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836933581142243,0.0,0.0,0.2575427541246277,0.0,0.13473567911752896,0.13977983469629293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340486048967548,0.0,0.0,0.08183334586791016,0.07892686758612144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725823655154226,0.0,0.0,0.2564632660082441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726530040990155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114186341493716,0.11114811122279147,0.13752275584342774,0.0,0.0,0.1335802353868462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467474638903967,0.0,0.0 bpd,endgia,2020/01/28,Met someone i used to like but now I don’t Okay so i just met an old friend that i used to enjoy their company but I didn’t feel happy when i did? Felt like i had a lump in my throat & that’s because they remind me of the old me in that period of time & i fucking hate it. Is this selfish? They didn’t do anything wrong i just... i dunno,-1.709230769230771,0.15622371794871806,1.2186666666666677,100.21800000000002,93.87179487179485,4.1456410256410265,15.492307692307696,5.6839178017228535,-0.8858400000000004,262,6,67,2,10,91,50,78,0.162,0.6,0.237,0.6987,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,0,5,10,2,0,3,1,7,3,1,2,0,9,15,4,0,0,4,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,7,2,16,6,6,8,0,8,0,0,0,1,6,2,1,1,8,44,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.472002619872476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792423113515099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327773544309735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013327121633933,0.0,0.20913553748248093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828250755686686,0.20136547511879524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23186698636516426,0.0,0.21504616880965965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128257750014942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571181736513815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845530421423381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700905838477622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762426151127559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23814534730507397,0.0,0.0 bpd,cas1o1,2020/01/28,"Forgotten birthday (long post but PLEASE read) My birthday was a few months a go. None of my friends said happy birthday to me. Not even on facebook where they would have gotten a notification. One person said- to my face that they forgot it was my birthday until they saw the snapchat notification but they didn't even say something after they knew. These are people that i care about that i got gifts for when it was their birthday!!! We have a group chat for work and a month prior to my birthday a coworkers birthday was mentioned and EVERY ONE said happy birthday to her!! The coworker who said it first DIDNT EVEN WORK AT MY STORE ANYMORE. Anyway i brushed it off but months later there have been several birthdays and ALLL of them have been put in group chat. BUT NOT MINE NEVER MINE!!!! IM SO SO SO SO SO SO SAD I CANT EVEN",1.517363636363637,4.2383340999999985,2.291363636363638,91.58818181818184,89.25,4.409090909090909,21.022727272727273,6.1124844417494595,0.2748750000000002,656,22,126,6,22,204,94,160,0.08199999999999999,0.807,0.111,0.7352,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,7,3,15,5,0,0,8,0,15,1,1,0,1,14,26,15,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,5,0,1,9,4,0,1,1,3,1,2,7,1,0,3,17,7,22,4,15,8,2,19,0,1,1,0,22,5,0,0,11,98,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802841322415846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190251687226374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677063167995162,0.0,0.11726451731226495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118385795351597,0.0,0.0,0.10752954003229738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909877275765792,0.0,0.1113143571077585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963177902979102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503374687093045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316925279036307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332746383767382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734361446560572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18862291784090865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964893647150737,0.12152594901196564,0.0,0.15277701711157282,0.0,0.0,0.13329524474997434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991358356375044,0.0,0.0,0.13921690964979586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5295653378126718,0.11068092248161254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723293192201093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714698307592367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264829707370208,0.0,0.0,0.0988689429468524,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rayreads,2020/01/28,"Trouble in Paradise Please be sensitive in the comments — I'm a newbie, and I am already in emotional distress. I am a childhood abuse trauma survivor and a sexual abuse survivor. I have BPD&PTSD and my ex partner has SzPD. I have been diagnosed with BPD and PTSD in 2018 after a visit to the hospital where I attempted to end my life. I have always been an overly emotional individual. When I'm in love, I like to show that in the form of affection and intimacy. I met my partner 6 years ago today (28.01.2014). When we first met, things were great. She knew about the childhood trauma and sexual trauma I experienced and displayed quite a bit of empathy to my situation. She was caring, romantic, sweet, loving etc. After 6 months of our relationship, she became distant, she stopped being empathetic and stopped speaking to me about her emotions. If we argued and I cried she stopped caring, there were no hugs, no affection, no empathy. We also stopped having sex or any form of intimacy (kissing, hugging etc) — this carried on for a whole year! Everytime I tried to initiate sex or any form of intimacy she would stop me or tell me she's ""not in the mood"". I immediately thought it was something I did or maybe said. I had a chat to her about it and she confirmed it's nothing I did and that she's just not been in the mood to have sex. I asked her if she was seeing someone else or interested in someone else and she swore she wasn't! Eventually, I got really tired of feeling that I can't make her happy. I constantly felt like I wasn't attractive or good enough for her. In a nutshell — after our 1 year and 6 month relationship, we broke up. I moved out of our house and got my own place. She seemed very angry with me for moving on and felt that I had betrayed her. I explained to her many times, that I really wanted intimacy but I am not a cheater, so I left before I could ever think of cheating. We stayed broken up for 6 months, and moved back together. She said that she would change and how she's still in love with me. She told me how she wasn't able to move on because she kept thinking of me. I thought she was changing, because she started to open up emotionally to me (which she hadn't done in a while). Again, about 6-7 months of getting back together it started again, lack of intimacy, lack of empathy, lack of communication etc. Again, I asked her if I had done something wrong or said something wrong — as always she replied with ""you've not done anything wrong, I don't know why I feel like this"". Fast forward to today, we broke up again at our nearly 6 year anniversary (today would have been our 6th anniversary). We've been broken up since the 9th of January 2019. I am currently on disability benefits and she's currently on disability due to her depression. She broke up with me, and said I am too emotional and she feels smothered with my constant need of affection (which I understand isn't her fault — she can't help her feelings). We spoke about it today, and I asked her why couldn't she make love to me at least once a year? She said she likes her space and that I was ""too emotional"". I have offered couples counselling many times whilst we were together and she always procrastinated (she admits to this herself). It almost feels like she didn't want to save this relationship. I showed her the DSM 5 criteria for Schizoid Personality Disorder and she admits herself she thinks she has this as she has every single symptom that's stated in the DSM 5. She said the following: "" I am happy to speak to a therapist about my lack of empathy and emotions however I don't want to mention that I may have Schizoid Personality Disorder because I don't want to be stigmatised like you constantly are"". That really hurt me, because the whole reason I went to therapy and got a diagnosis was because she felt me being ""too emotional"" is a problem — I feel like we're too much of polar opposites to ever be together, I require a lot of affection or else I feel abandoned and she requires a lot of space or else she feels smothered. It breaks my heart because she's my soulmate, and I've never loved anyone the way I love her. Some things she says are extremely insensitive, I try my best to remind myself that she can't help the way she is, but sometimes she can make me feel like real shit. I am planning to move out and she said ""if you want to do that, that's your decision"". She doesn't quite understand the emotional pain I feel whilst living with my ex fiancée whom I'm very much still sexually, emotionally and mentally attracted to. I don't know what to do, I feel like no matter what I do, I'm the bad guy for choosing to move out.",4.7896481788079495,6.0049636181015495,5.781489376379692,78.82600889900664,69.55187637969095,9.238658940397352,30.933291942604857,9.555939559126244,2.8425099889624716,3682,152,708,81,64,1217,326,906,0.165,0.703,0.132,-0.9819,4,0,3,0,2,1,111.0,13,3,0,8,29,56,5,1,32,0,73,19,2,10,3,145,146,54,0,20,20,2,14,9,2,4,5,11,0,5,32,49,0,9,31,3,0,10,24,23,0,1,49,28,160,31,103,86,23,105,0,6,1,12,127,38,1,19,63,501,192,3,0.039463427998457465,0.09351541814134208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03498194783363918,0.0,0.03951692266009134,0.0,0.04354887411660003,0.0315588891126226,0.09851020033206144,0.0427586077486826,0.0,0.05367296859511899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027593746426925646,0.0,0.032475038740747336,0.0,0.11067893402209236,0.0,0.0,0.060689880397556566,0.03295031399022326,0.1443392365293826,0.0,0.03358047060787362,0.0,0.04141443298435496,0.0,0.04308384243607442,0.0,0.09940561216253756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804711898880631,0.0,0.08349414831710351,0.0,0.0,0.1279378380800726,0.0,0.03150833608840625,0.043665532473896415,0.043348722596486,0.0,0.0,0.033989792708743916,0.040054548719800936,0.0,0.0,0.09045701487459074,0.0,0.0,0.12115436475591812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186652102493215,0.44391044866070395,0.0349528838406335,0.04077627036166148,0.13203646171306946,0.0,0.07139385989699196,0.03324964013239351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21949284433294594,0.14096340423631887,0.1136732387113358,0.0,0.0,0.033567571695586385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020618012336269784,0.0,0.0,0.03310005107544646,0.09468752526936627,0.043508568686438764,0.0,0.039074998149784435,0.0,0.08401910584763965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046764352187169685,0.05290300786801122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04553549744895365,0.04224641587438027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043376135940299564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042877129988755966,0.0,0.02787418626752872,0.17351853790771796,0.0,0.03484692992615504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671007905174971,0.21370370714223455,0.0,0.07902643388253255,0.080019443920975,0.03964631766969065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03976985352512122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599732690121673,0.25166027149851405,0.05802032059817715,0.02926163182157572,0.03043662851557635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03786622349905877,0.0,0.0,0.04202726287139686,0.0,0.0,0.041991869768911984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891588630575184,0.04123088289589863,0.043318993297293135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03776117094215744,0.092261271003145,0.0,0.0,0.08394842665145734,0.0,0.04491802070614198,0.07584384748391455,0.04057497660706606,0.0,0.12710685868409574,0.0,0.0,0.26277129942429234,0.03138290189039178,0.0,0.0,0.031447242767523684,0.035926022707094954,0.0,0.0,0.040508641735717936,0.032644555444136615,0.04435854652308298,0.0,0.0,0.06687446895885744,0.0911426246455926,0.03903033936771549,0.0,0.05586483490891478,0.04206276347018186,0.06303108915311248,0.16496596431021535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041017611967104524,0.0,0.0,0.034492775491650744,0.0,0.04512986918808925,0.04582008154965637,0.05243549604712075,0.07585971359408715,0.0,0.0626591074461837,0.046022884444763705,0.04535740517944978,0.14962686162007244,0.0377089966205796,0.0,0.05358615432700963,0.0,0.0,0.08216564059786492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651229220864991,0.116382761478266,0.06264846454760267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03658299312173676,0.0712192112500808,0.08811901608003214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841010609671223,0.12944119033079846,0.0,0.12706576885847984 bpd,spacegrrl_,2020/01/28,Managing FP Does anybody have advice for managing a relationship with your FP? My current FP is my boyfriend of almost 6 months and I really like him and I'm scared that I'm going to ruin things like I did with my last FP. Is it even possible to have a healthy relationship with your FP longterm?,2.406497175141244,4.809382559322035,4.045000000000002,83.57620056497176,79.33898305084746,8.001129943502825,26.78248587570621,8.841846274778883,2.3303197740113,237,10,47,6,6,79,38,59,0.107,0.754,0.139,0.2373,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,8,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,2,7,7,0,4,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,5,28,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662069591482099,0.0,0.0,0.27279059888569435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383977312723035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799317113294472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548233130202584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22205973382941827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661825909694796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21744409704561288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071141040872585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452007211269094,0.0,0.0,0.5849570895851678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727412636877041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180984618825193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,minxli,2020/01/28,"Jealous over others I'm probably just a pos but I genuinely can't stand when my friends tell me they're going out with their significant others or stories about their relationships and I'm here a forever alone loser. It makes me remember how I'm never going to be able to have a relationship with anyone because I'm too problematic because of my bpd and not to mention just down right ugly and fat as fuck. (And I'm genuinely talking ugly and fat. I weigh over 350 pounds) Anyways. I really hate being like this because then it ruins friendships because I get too damn jealous. What can I do to overcome this? And I'm only jealous when it comes to the relationship or friends. I'm not jealous of materialistic things my friends have.",4.22031914893617,6.368163602836884,5.646400709219861,75.50875,72.54609929078015,8.104255319148937,31.608156028368807,8.841846274778883,2.9232879432624115,592,28,103,12,12,199,83,141,0.289,0.589,0.122,-0.9859,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,1,10,13,7,0,4,0,7,4,2,2,1,21,21,14,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,9,10,3,0,1,0,0,3,4,9,0,0,0,0,12,4,15,19,0,13,0,2,0,1,11,5,2,2,5,69,21,0,0.16380171953562905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696491814250067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145339708789924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3994080315053033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063025316040962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110067738448326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37965840655648,0.1514320502449449,0.08557963779071125,0.0,0.186184584048412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172028606669386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800252462206651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933891973122986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633398416157465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457858889501927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660595816108607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493557591726696,0.0,0.0,0.5275852370970129,0.1855554169969904,0.13988577348603715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165761746388038,0.14316992272718018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882258400813258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lilbabyfairy,2020/01/28,"is dating possible? i'm not diagnosed, but i'm in the process of getting a diagnosis?? i have bipolar 1 and adhd, and a few months ago, my pdoc told me she thinks i probably have borderline and ptsd. i go to individual therapy, and tomorrow will be my first month of group dbt! anyways, i met a guy at a halloween party, and we've been talking off and on since then. at my birthday party 2 weeks ago, we were flirting the whole night, and we've been talking and hanging out a lot more. we're also a bit sexual, but he doesn't pressure me or anything. i really like him, but he's moving a bit too fast for my comfort. he wants to be my boyfriend already, but we really didn't start talking regularly until recently. he also told me he loves me which kind of freaked me out?!?!? i think he's just infatuated with me, which is fine, but i don't think he realizes that. he told me his longest relationship was only one month, which worries me, bc don't want him to lose interest in me after a few weeks bc it would really hurt my feelings. i asked him if we could sit down and talk about my mental health when he's free bc it's really important to me for him to know that he might think i'm the most amazing person right now, but the closer he gets to me, the more my symptoms will show, like my anger issues, jealousy, aggression, irritability, mood swings, self harm, recklessness, attachment issues etc. he already knows a little bit about my bipolar, and he's nice about it, but i think i'll just push him away when he sees what i'm really like :( i'm already dealing with these problems in regards to him, like i feel like he doesn't actually like me if he isn't giving me constant affection/attention, and whenever other girls talk to him even as friends, i get kind of jealous and moody (i internalize it though). or whenever i ask about his day and he doesn't ask, it really makes me upset and makes me want to cry... i'm trying really hard to get better, but i don't know if i should even be trying to date right now :( i dated a girl once, but i broke up with her bc of my paranoia, insecurities, and splitting lol",5.332295081967214,5.215195653395785,6.5742444964871165,78.34985386416865,67.87587822014052,10.017011709601872,31.13152224824356,9.791249743138472,2.7402607775175643,1652,60,340,34,25,561,207,427,0.153,0.679,0.168,0.8564,1,0,0,0,0,0,64.0,3,0,0,3,18,32,3,3,15,1,25,6,0,2,0,63,62,37,0,10,17,0,3,6,1,5,5,0,0,5,13,23,0,0,11,1,1,4,9,13,0,2,9,4,57,19,40,44,11,46,0,3,1,1,54,16,0,8,31,204,70,0,0.0,0.0,0.07263078459166689,0.0,0.0894477374691737,0.0,0.13195148640391394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24639874392771266,0.1190397500868276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612477277315252,0.0,0.2087398038449439,0.0,0.0699273566860332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582533003200601,0.24376760307063075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042999769600807,0.0,0.05942453234381224,0.0,0.08175543007952359,0.04799976589775114,0.07673178114698727,0.0,0.07554263796216254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300665753570632,0.09831770384261126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526585167061617,0.053171226502292376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633082383128949,0.0,0.0,0.0575027242569336,0.0,0.15554178900517845,0.07139791602698323,0.04229902701694165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369521147899244,0.0,0.0,0.06667267879477064,0.0,0.0,0.07911325807071007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967648623187698,0.0,0.0,0.15536654711143785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550101755518127,0.12271069722160187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181699458669565,0.07459619629434003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326565669904025,0.0,0.06327584365633297,0.06717398437794735,0.0,0.09936225264519057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500570453740457,0.07895612116951832,0.0,0.0,0.1782226505074858,0.07910495972322891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984543700862032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792631649864297,0.05043419524479612,0.056605686494781884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498747352586375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390614780586031,0.0,0.0,0.08024574358601268,0.07121734126792349,0.087002101085639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33376242704670545,0.0,0.07348846145403683,0.0799075903151516,0.0,0.1271218482929416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059309310708096814,0.0,0.07764441481161262,0.0,0.0,0.0615674352144944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05268037130891313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735896945386536,0.0,0.29911118294535005,0.0,0.0,0.08511466183790083,0.0,0.0,0.23845160591871084,0.07312492365955932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21335682243375026,0.0,0.10106316474634784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316983128716632,0.0,0.1194029639761412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309596715073075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558503135950327,0.0,0.05287136504201309,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,NotAnotherTurtle,2020/01/28,"I want to hurt myself because I think it’ll fix me As I get older, I try harder and harder to understand where my behavior stems from. Sometimes I can figure it out, sometimes I understand what’s going on and why, and most times I’m so stuck in the never ending loop of chaos I can barely handle the constant clashing in my head. One of the things, with time, I’ve sort of come to understand is my need to hurt myself and to make sure I’m the bad guy, regardless of it actually making sense. I found that it’s easier to just accept the idea that I’m always at fault and wrong, because it helps me accept how unfair things can be, it also helps me keep a false sense of some control. Just now I realized why I hurt myself. I hurt myself because apart of me truly thinks that it’s going to “teach me a lesson” and help me start “acting right”. It also serves as a way for atoning for everything I’ve ever done. From my actions, to thoughts and feelings I had no control over. Even in my most chaotic of minds, I know how crazy it sounds and how wrong I am, but sadly logic barely rivals how I feel and how I perceive things, even when I know they are skewed. I just want to be normal, I want to experience a friendship that isn’t ruined by my own thoughts and feelings. I want to experience love and compassion from another. I want to feel like I belong, it’s all I ever wanted. But as time keeps going I’m farther and farther away from that possibility. I hope you’re all doing well and have a wonderful day.",4.379267100977201,4.910069882736156,5.61734690553746,82.12901710097721,70.04234527687296,8.09439739413681,26.42491856677525,8.07648339933343,1.5383278175895767,1182,34,238,15,20,396,153,307,0.11599999999999999,0.726,0.158,0.9238,0,0,0,0,0,8,28.0,0,0,1,3,19,17,0,0,10,0,14,2,1,9,6,76,53,27,0,10,5,0,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,19,16,0,4,23,0,0,6,3,10,1,1,6,5,41,7,38,44,6,33,0,6,0,1,6,13,0,6,14,164,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.08645605555704483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416989683488053,0.07371823571415545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289970639105344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323803010794695,0.0,0.0739732232418215,0.16202028559591505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631684975203941,0.0,0.09573984899588807,0.1987339173585236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713652207547878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906635656893364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846897847637528,0.0,0.0,0.1170324802829285,0.1602787135146122,0.0,0.0,0.07962357976997414,0.17332605172735846,0.0,0.0,0.17918541539009272,0.06329237028572356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713997446046878,0.0,0.0,0.04628729273432882,0.0,0.15105194238278516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772309611876268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909241511686974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815032107184406,0.0,0.0,0.08799494285206047,0.0,0.0,0.3793716264518289,0.10001310483654732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749482386401095,0.0,0.0,0.09737912021813892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043283099737011416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996055333862108,0.0,0.11827585896616252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945581395276225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569215770750055,0.06833001702439509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868044055053752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06003434508621864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987768433267576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565974703644981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17524567493400747,0.0,0.06270808079872647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349985061002299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765759799454507,0.11353634911078685,0.0,0.1406692556746231,0.15498157800295329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015026985598269,0.0,0.0,0.2766919281811652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135341775092967,0.07032268122106825,0.0,0.0,0.07965765128585181,0.0,0.1598866285302119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960776266879803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19372970814720866,0.0,0.0 bpd,anonymous_milf,2020/01/28,"Avoid triggers or conquer them? I asked my therapist this question and we never came to a definite conclusion. In trying to manage this disorder, is it better to avoid triggers as much as possible or to face and work through them? I ask this because in my previous relationship, my ex dealt with my illness (which we didn't have a name for, I didn't know I had BPD until less than a year ago) by tiptoeing around me, not expressing any opinion or side of his personality that he thought might upset me or provoke any sort of reaction. While this made for a peaceful home life in one sense, it also prevented me from making any progress on myself, prevented him from knowing me and allowing me to evolve, prevented me from knowing him, and made our relationship hollow and ultimately nonexistent. There was no ""there"" there after so many years of dishonesty via omission. In my current relationship, I have struggled with being triggered by certain things (if it matters, most of my triggers center around physical appearance), and have communicated to my partner what sorts of things trigger me and asked him to please be sensitive to these triggers in his speech. To his credit, he has gotten much better about being responsive to my needs and I generally don't get triggered anymore. However, I started to think, is this the first step on the road to another non-relationship in which my partner feels that he cannot be honest with me and express himself openly? Where is the line between avoiding triggers and asking him not to be himself? And for my part, should my modus operandi be to avoid subjects that trigger me? Or is real healing only to be had by confronting the intense negative emotions that triggers bring up and trying to get to a place where they no longer have power over me? (I will be honest, I cannot begin to imagine what that process would look like or that it could possibly be effective).",10.905740210124163,8.771924464183384,10.017524355300862,64.68237058261704,57.93982808022922,12.974288443170964,45.04317096466093,11.4731,5.262034804202481,1534,76,251,32,15,489,187,349,0.109,0.8109999999999999,0.08,-0.917,3,4,0,0,0,0,38.0,3,0,3,9,10,14,1,6,9,0,31,4,1,16,2,78,54,25,0,5,9,1,1,1,2,4,3,1,1,3,22,21,0,7,10,0,1,4,11,7,0,2,10,3,46,7,55,30,5,34,0,0,1,0,33,19,0,14,12,203,68,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202287660031347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301824050121018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21178670450069595,0.10885569962202638,0.0,0.0,0.10295338765356797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848289816771211,0.3881999914624609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328269566774554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18362616103218132,0.0,0.0,0.13074729893421413,0.0,0.0,0.1187330170299141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288525663389218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897729018726318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167742763580816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05249035360845443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830224442061244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084747375410465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413167655125556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115671305733696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332532812150454,0.05071719047043261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871757469533524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19645842678144768,0.06929516720947165,0.105248847899839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012789007894748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262720155286574,0.07697511719605526,0.08006604215803867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034554671466475,0.07895353428971807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241803802657327,0.0,0.0,0.09064443940450086,0.10846121167680399,0.1139541569727369,0.0,0.23406436095493105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162929485978862,0.0,0.0,0.11816052943160602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4458199917803418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347851002419646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852660919588604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205334743025853,0.13793586352502554,0.0665183949180681,0.0,0.08241495499088823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096276429690086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557620999410522,0.0,0.0,0.07374490782253107,0.0,0.0,0.13370276147451934 bpd,cardgamesonmotors,2020/01/28,"Wellbutrin SR to treat BPD Hi all, I was diagnosed with BPD in July 2019, didn't do much about it until it started ruining every aspect of my life, especially my relationships and friendships LOL. So I went to my doctor, explained what I could in a 15-minute time span and explicitly stated my BPD diagnosis. I was promptly prescribed Wellbutrin SR with a side of Lorazepam, which I found strange as it's not explicitly stated to treat BPD. This is not a question about dosages or medical diagnoses, however, I just want to know if anyone else has been recommended Wellbutrin SR for BPD and how it's worked for them.",10.421315789473681,8.432440254385966,9.863403508771933,64.95615789473685,58.73684210526316,12.979649122807018,43.85263157894736,11.602472056035307,5.096633684210526,495,24,85,11,5,160,77,114,0.034,0.836,0.13,0.87,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,5,3,0,0,3,1,8,5,0,1,3,20,14,9,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,6,0,11,2,16,7,2,10,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,3,3,57,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265273167029743,0.13577018875194313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8344464509927909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579692093307062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26898582724448483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562763643782896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069349916994868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164377383400637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452882721080936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282297630033498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359437681333256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348795172569658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097408686603026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843937736995896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226408994878004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378990222165767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726652802377161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815669973521182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283631925011695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646746161968207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,itsgummie,2020/01/28,"i deserve everything bad that happens to me i have been making what i thought was great progress. being kind to myself, being kind to others, controlling my emotions, journalling, reaching out to old friends, engaging in healthy pastimes, controlling my negative self-tallk btu when something happens and you KNOW you didnt deserve any of it, you start to question whether any of your progress ever really mattered. whether or not i improve myself in the end i am just a piece of shit who deserves everything bad that happens.",8.046014492753624,9.495857369565217,6.807391304347828,73.56731884057974,62.26086956521739,9.1768115942029,44.68115942028986,9.2995712137729,4.728189855072465,426,27,63,7,6,128,65,92,0.14800000000000002,0.618,0.23399999999999999,0.8314,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,4,0,4,3,8,1,0,2,0,7,1,1,3,1,15,14,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,14,5,11,8,1,8,0,0,0,0,7,3,1,2,5,50,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256248465003585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27702621005609224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721245440086949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660646031060946,0.14693130001393226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005904370446715,0.0,0.0,0.2981865270716535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281679460200445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18289679867308045,0.0,0.0,0.4400939242212413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455025143489054,0.09117004583009754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073436952792053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407601733511513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18583729374087732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627482756196326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730618035046012,0.0,0.1702860175762766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771196397716242,0.0,0.0,0.11741939314157865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316999214822666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SomebodyUncertain,2020/01/28,"Wholesome BPD Memes ? 24 F With BPD, I’m doing a presentation on BPD and DBT for my advanced abnormal psych class in uni. I’m looking for some memes that are wholesome and depict our illness accurately. As we know theres a lot of stigma around PDs and I want some memes to help me connect with my audience in a more casual manner while I’m doing my presentation. Thanks in advance!",3.0183428571428585,5.270712586666669,4.6365714285714335,80.90400000000002,76.46666666666667,7.485714285714287,26.714285714285715,8.418075326091056,2.054428571428571,304,12,57,6,7,102,52,75,0.036000000000000004,0.8109999999999999,0.153,0.7639,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,12,10,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,2,12,10,4,10,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,3,3,35,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20728671003946506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8798028489914422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607508144305027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796879085698712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955361504156376,0.0,0.0,0.19796154825525453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21437786742616136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373415214621166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lostdownbelow,2020/01/28,Does being sick affect your emotions/depression I caught the flu last night. It seemed to exasperate all the mental crap going on in my head. I'm under alot of stress right now. So maybe it just intensified everything? I've been getting some very bad thoughts.,3.17625,6.225134125000004,3.509166666666665,84.1525,82.75,6.533333333333335,22.583333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.4459333333333335,210,7,37,4,6,65,44,48,0.27899999999999997,0.721,0.0,-0.9336,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,1,1,3,0,2,4,2,1,1,7,8,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,3,0,3,0,5,4,3,9,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,3,3,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369878819468759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24446410387010706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24838331437465594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550899189701125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829051628997925,0.0,0.16130827850249882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912935391884455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23136097975154135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851474148113064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860359192647593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663571244937321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423909951873978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25839001202404355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32512862120150193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22533092040881303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23419114270125155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lizzard_daddy,2020/01/28,Odd but ok.. (Mast****ting) I (f) have a hard time doing the deed solo. I feel like I'm constantly being watched despite knowing it's not true. My partner (m) has added a lot of insecurity about me getting myself off as he thinks that we dont have enough sex to understand why I would ever masturbate instead of having sex with him. I dont know what this post is about. I feel alone. I feel stupid. I feel ugly. I feel small. I feel depreciated. Anyone else just fucking sick of navigating this stupid fucking bullshit?,1.5387538461538457,4.225044660000002,3.34,84.81730769230772,87.4,5.876923076923077,23.69230769230769,7.321109707123232,1.3229538461538466,406,16,77,7,13,135,75,100,0.322,0.65,0.028999999999999998,-0.9876,0,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,0,0,5,8,4,1,3,1,10,5,0,0,2,19,24,2,0,1,3,0,7,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,10,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,8,14,3,9,22,2,6,0,0,1,4,4,2,2,1,4,48,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18221956281031204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302051754800078,0.18027011817945449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19012736691703144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4123979862467336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469743127007209,0.0,0.0,0.1817918381200292,0.0,0.0,0.15914674032278472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.533759739158081,0.1256907320678896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253052182076213,0.09192077469929737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576066297112911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19338275455779114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595482310984924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14957689778013553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685007608140683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273449526087022,0.0,0.0,0.10259134399238352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18315852212711944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875742445027408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249818936802736,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,natayoo,2020/01/28,"Please end me Anybody else just want to work until they kill themselves? Like I am so sick of going to the doctors again again and to the hospital every two months. I don't want to change meds every 3 months because nothing works. I am fighting this since 4 years now. I am so fucking tired, I can't do this for another 60. (If I live this long) The doctors say I am not allowed to work. But honestly I just want to work until I've had enough and just end myself.",1.6148958333333316,3.5360781979166696,2.9512500000000017,92.90208333333337,79.52083333333334,5.5166666666666675,23.166666666666664,6.42735559955562,0.4775291666666664,361,12,78,3,9,117,60,96,0.11900000000000001,0.741,0.14,-0.4505,1,0,0,0,2,0,10.0,0,0,1,4,8,5,3,0,3,0,8,5,0,1,0,12,13,8,1,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,1,1,11,2,10,12,1,12,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,12,50,14,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16527535784574146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608197097851788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673807888363618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226557284426621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316689302659897,0.0,0.2792040793515719,0.16286068236354334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26559854701155755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457145446176043,0.0,0.0,0.08957747661591232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438005855738967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700379339838688,0.0,0.13917885906956565,0.1394862458287631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175077156552967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516170612603139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123793674336114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301633389041174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534350913130166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303825614243839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18115776387215216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396908379093655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789000923565331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4589887417846581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150029729446353 bpd,whatsuprubbaduck1,2020/01/28,"This rejection panic is killing me How in Gods holy name do we ever get some kind of control over this utter panic that encompasses any time we sense the slightest hint of abandonment ?! I cant do this my whole life. I'm going to push every single potential partner away , as soon as I meet them due to this. I am a wreck.",2.2469743589743643,4.263792492307697,3.884230769230772,86.50993589743591,77.92307692307693,6.7948717948717965,23.14102564102564,7.793537801064563,1.157717948717948,252,8,51,4,6,84,53,65,0.281,0.7190000000000001,0.0,-0.9686,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,2,0,1,1,4,6,1,2,2,0,5,1,0,2,1,8,8,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,8,1,9,8,3,10,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,1,4,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778064003452229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24565667974504016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932572661060554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365117035130739,0.22029706869064766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660561924346093,0.0,0.14859761652485098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892742913734748,0.2722774523261781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18468174399551449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6135499426881923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246340254359925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919183615377329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AlystyrKhyber,2020/01/28,"Confronting My Fear of Recovery It sounds silly to admit it but for months I’ve heavily avoided completing a game that I greatly enjoyed. Today I’ve been facing nearly 24 hours of internal turmoil after having a self worth episode triggered by one of two only supports left from my family (it’s complicated), my therapist is unable to make any appointment until next week and I want to open up and mark today in some way. To finish my first statement and the topic of this already meandering post, I have avoided Persona 5 for nine months. Today I’m downloading it again, and I will finally see what their take is on the other side of overcoming the fear of trusting anyone. I can’t ask the Phantom Thieves, but I’m ready to make my very own change of heart.",8.709142857142858,7.466218751724138,8.764433497536945,69.12034482758621,61.48275862068965,11.596059113300493,38.645320197044335,10.608840637214634,4.1700837438423655,609,26,104,12,7,200,102,145,0.136,0.731,0.133,-0.3422,0,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,1,11,1,5,6,0,7,2,2,3,0,16,17,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,8,5,0,2,2,1,1,0,1,6,0,4,1,2,11,5,22,15,2,23,0,0,1,0,5,7,0,1,14,67,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110945557586502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544420058784662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841958659523528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495753356356314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402993822593803,0.0,0.16257450476348995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617411102476316,0.3489648754010207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985756324727502,0.0,0.1318915594110893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095109005318398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18374350670192116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270008993102546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684700814397179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070037454399284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475303259546665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490507165836696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050707591262199,0.11792797370909233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485019181561783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356049837031095,0.0,0.16175845706607206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17595705210641224,0.0,0.0,0.11658370341742147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003333880484593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4409282332326128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146833567968018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279384136762651,0.09145674306822517,0.12307717339261826,0.124377518130304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Bradi_C,2020/01/28,"Attitudes Toward Self-Harm (Chance to win $20 gift card) My name is Bradi Cislaghi and I am a graduate psychology student at Murray State University. I am completing a thesis research project under the supervision of Dr. Laura Liljequist. I am interested in learning more about the relationship between familiarity and attitudes toward self-harm. If you are at least 18 years or older, you can click the link below to complete a series of short questionnaires. The survey will take approximately 30 minutes to complete and responses will be completely anonymous. You will have the option of entering a drawing to win a $20 gift card upon completion of the survey. **Warning:** This study involves questions and narratives that discuss abuse, trauma, and self-harm in an explicit manner. These descriptions may be distressing to some participants, even if they have no personal experience with the matters being described. To participate in the survey, please click the link below: [https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/VP8WTP6](https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/VP8WTP6) This project has been reviewed and approved by the Murray State University Institutional Review Board (IRB) for the Protection of Human Subjects. If you have any questions about your rights as a research participant, you should contact the MSU IRB Coordinator at (270)809-2916 or msu.ib@murraystate.edu. If you have any questions about the survey, please contact Dr. Laura Liljequist at lliljequist@murraystate.edu. Sincerely, Bradi Cislaghi",10.309736842105263,13.866459271929829,9.015438596491231,51.79973684210529,59.35087719298247,10.940350877192984,39.631578947368425,10.882677951670544,5.634689473684211,1246,63,143,35,19,385,136,228,0.05,0.8340000000000001,0.11599999999999999,0.93,0,0,0,0,1,0,62.0,0,7,1,3,4,6,0,1,20,0,20,2,0,0,1,26,21,13,0,5,6,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,4,7,0,1,6,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,2,12,4,32,12,3,20,0,0,2,0,19,15,0,12,2,105,16,10,0.0,0.1508854132462732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17320070224972955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6676047197465291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411151597621568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456983679843182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119451948298067,0.0,0.27957760698650125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279734738353574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672305793823472,0.0,0.1087536725911991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985521944661447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574912223811267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200731569072152 bpd,throwaway1636718286,2020/01/28,"For the first time in my life, something in me says I wanna have sex, but I know I cant and so my brain doesnt want to Over years and years of bullying, I repressed all and any sexual urges i had. This got to the point where i havent actually explored my sexuality at all; I dont know what I like or dislike and have never been able to do so much as masturbate successfully. I was texting my FP about it and I really wasnt decided on what I wanted. Shit went bad over the past few days and for the first time ever, I actually felt like I wanted to have sex. I dont know who with, all I know is that I wanted to have sex. I dont know what to do with this or anything. Can someone give me some for of advice please? P.S. I'm an 18 year old guy. Never been in a relationship and dont know what is going on",1.4163438256658625,2.4882669096045227,3.9407142857142894,89.32792372881357,77.64406779661017,7.317029862792575,21.117433414043575,7.957251820313856,0.6415975786924935,621,15,151,10,14,219,92,177,0.16,0.799,0.040999999999999995,-0.9673,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,5,6,1,1,6,0,21,6,2,0,6,34,37,13,0,5,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,9,9,0,1,9,0,0,3,10,3,0,2,8,2,23,3,24,29,6,26,0,0,0,3,5,10,1,3,15,107,32,1,0.11611219421089285,0.0,0.2266175043289048,0.0,0.0,0.1134634923508492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896027372020505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555044243544468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694883215650328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296196093475308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748827595438646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5443305074266702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503012721232467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148591526605106,0.0,0.0,0.19752994615968714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138539694486536,0.06598923577661604,0.0,0.0928655287612557,0.0,0.0,0.11496932740195286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.382873352052565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201347661668942,0.11345310607593805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535582278530318,0.0,0.179105764530316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184021565091248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084222774292862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745632140604393,0.10976355430718478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438444483415417,0.0,0.0,0.12466104280686685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233707723872847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918749878041544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838148535657744,0.08938883983210325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541190838780556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739439220352101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763716731179283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22431733855197167 bpd,Johnismyfirstname,2020/01/28,"BPD expression and gender. Anyone know or have opinions about BPD expressing differently between men and women? (In the context of Western society.) I wonder if females tend to not isolate themselves as much as males among other things.",8.257692307692308,10.870210153846152,7.633846153846152,63.48615384615386,62.84615384615384,9.302564102564103,41.20512820512821,9.725611199111238,5.012958974358975,192,11,23,4,3,60,36,39,0.0,0.9590000000000001,0.040999999999999995,0.1511,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,4,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,8,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,4,0,19,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169728700093432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7816380071136458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242032762254016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053582647441162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281102986937047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20615323290435367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365131546933552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lovelacedguineapigs,2020/01/28,"Hi! Please help! Loosing it a bit over here! Basically goes like this: I decided over November that I wasn't going anywhere at my job and that I would have better opportunities at my hubby's company. When I told this to my boss, I laid out a plan for my exit and a time frame. I wanted to work out a calendar month: and also that's normal. But when I told him, he essentially tried to get me out before the December leave- which was in 3 weeks and an impossible task for me to hand over to my new assistant in that time. I reminded them that the end of Jan would work better: but my boss did not want to have to pay for me for theat long, so made my work life hell, until, in a meeting: he offered me the opportunity to just walk away And I did, this was in the first week of Jan. So now I have not been paid for that month, nor paid out anything at all. I'm irate after all the bullying and masojonistic abuse I put up with (not to mention the lowest paid in the office):so I decided to leave the company a one star rating. The *whole* day my boss has been messaging my husband to ask me to take it down, because, ""he doesn't have my number"" . I have changed WhatsApp numbers, but my phone number changed ages ago, and if he doesn't have it, I'd be very shocked. And even then, he has my personal email address. So why must my husband tell me what to do? It's 2020, am I not allowed to think for myself!?",4.721308316430019,4.463522120689658,5.996044624746452,82.45753549695742,69.17241379310343,9.44421906693712,29.12778904665314,9.168548406835145,2.09285598377282,1085,35,241,19,17,367,154,290,0.132,0.812,0.055999999999999994,-0.9787,3,0,0,0,1,0,42.0,0,0,1,9,10,7,1,0,16,0,23,2,1,5,3,38,37,21,0,7,9,2,1,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,15,13,0,0,3,1,4,3,8,2,0,2,13,1,36,5,43,20,4,41,1,0,0,0,22,19,1,1,20,166,51,8,0.0,0.15971486212041075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194912472402896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779877208435514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092815362262623,0.0,0.12601893918180676,0.0,0.12664816887402436,0.0,0.0,0.08217226534777579,0.0,0.11470408494498276,0.0,0.0,0.2384376561382876,0.14716567793975488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28519909660612325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086934252135777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939197052789645,0.0,0.0,0.08903351813706102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146600248736404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042695339301401,0.0,0.07660942112972123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035297895608764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376728272990634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28546551529653896,0.0,0.0,0.0952125736038142,0.06585601939132035,0.0,0.0,0.1192929400581184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755014467185394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21519067222853733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301897872352273,0.0,0.0,0.13207447356931695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134334227829076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770135340241868,0.0,0.14796890564537832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551030276845946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135212892614218,0.0,0.11782033361542152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637380471928241,0.0,0.0,0.15720485005732854,0.0,0.0,0.2576125869148992,0.0,0.09151972391296813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112233547007502,0.15901597466718784,0.0,0.21625537504022047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216351991063002,0.15049835399481232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29440599753623364,0.0,0.0,0.19151479151444847,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mjtang,2020/01/28,"Boyfriend (FP) wants a break? we’ve done distance for nearly three years, and we don’t text or call super often (~15 messages each per day, call every three days or so) and he recently had become depressed. He said he may want a break for a few weeks to figure out why he’s depressed and I’m trying really hard to understand that since we already don’t even talk that much, and honestly I’ve just gotten so much more clingy since he said that. I just want things to go back to where they were before when he was so happy to have me in his life, now I feel like a burden and it hurts me so badly that I was the first thing that “needed to go” in his effort to figure out what’s wrong. He assures me nothing is my fault but I don’t see why he would jump straight to a break instead of making some other changes if it wasn’t my fault. I knew my mental illness was taxing on him but this is the most he’s ever let me know it. I’m splitting like crazy and trying not to delete our pictures or call him every ten minutes. Has anyone else figured out a way to stop being a burden on their significant other?",5.84655072463768,4.743299930434785,6.25021739130435,84.38952898550723,67.08695652173913,8.536231884057973,27.86231884057971,6.816661863887847,1.233710144927536,864,20,186,5,12,280,135,230,0.11599999999999999,0.777,0.107,-0.6389,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,3,0,2,3,14,15,0,0,9,0,18,2,0,1,2,41,35,17,0,6,9,0,2,2,0,2,2,2,0,0,14,12,0,1,7,0,1,3,5,9,0,4,11,5,21,6,21,20,7,28,0,3,1,0,25,10,0,8,13,121,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369695947179767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678764586949324,0.12717568978935287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544068004237066,0.10363508229827262,0.0,0.1370808767372356,0.10561704620157178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802214374013922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130258690151822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600943668000564,0.0,0.2138088860529267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701793540824302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368640009667736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198014223365083,0.11227371836595318,0.20915304130521886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275884183759534,0.0886714099502066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557647663865828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108060362129854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212813316029365,0.11118721200901152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287311274932054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821314994582159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269211911896156,0.08766968316872012,0.12127760307823154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285111720620024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508384728258118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824850804744489,0.0920334665979371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909656429417075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951450152235574,0.0,0.12255360503899447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361332385788989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890763387666254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20534682559003425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376994460675383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976301871650416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649197318667884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853877372383586,0.0,0.0,0.12921338060657922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21962771706780826,0.09852074218742862,0.0995616413657648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22399813310762853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881713436507853,0.13570582278011015,0.0,0.07992926208138157 bpd,SentientInformation,2020/01/28,"I feel broken; could I have BPD? I was abused by psychotic mother and diagnosed with OCD; every time I interact with her, I feel ""off"" as if I'm not myself and will spend either hours doing rituals to return to being myself or don't do rituals and every interaction, literally all I say, will be ""wrong"". As if I'm not myself. Furthermore, due to this I'm losing friends and I obsessively scroll through our message history and think ""if this hadn't happened (contact with abuser) then I would have experienced many more happy moments like the ones I'm reading up on!"". Is this BPD? Also interacting with them while I feel bad isn't an option since I get no joy for the interaction since I'll still be ""contaminated"" because I didn't do rituals. I just end up with crippling regret.",7.350200000000001,6.846193853333336,8.399833333333337,68.23575000000002,63.8,11.5,34.75,10.9516,3.850400000000002,618,24,111,15,8,212,94,150,0.129,0.78,0.09,-0.5988,0,0,0,0,2,0,24.0,1,0,1,1,3,9,0,1,3,0,18,1,0,0,1,27,28,14,0,6,8,1,3,1,1,3,1,1,0,0,3,10,0,0,4,1,1,0,7,5,0,1,3,5,18,4,17,18,3,13,3,2,0,0,12,4,0,5,10,80,21,1,0.0,0.39798697516768144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430968996579085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402313763488038,0.1023808645427808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4230547185220793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409454421129038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17046588684024386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875400003126607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28301052307127783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547619562923696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297578844294251,0.0,0.08774703173844133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851778033035162,0.17878607858040785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539708608959433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205196938521564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18789327981432935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17027511117244154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380738151855857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679956193203664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356071590743882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27786023171641977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412522240801306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761568716139593,0.0,0.0,0.0979330945244725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930698177174195,0.1836271452193259,0.0,0.0 bpd,SwissArzt,2020/01/28,"DAE B.P. Disorder Defines Who They Are? Even after seeking out professional help and receiving therapy, I still cannot help but feel like BPD defines who I am. I constantly still struggle with personal relationships; just recently, I had met a new group of friends and everything was going fairly well, but then this morning I just felt like they hated me/I didn't like them because I ""always had to prove myself"" to them (whether true or not) and cut them all off. It is not like I truly want to not talk to them and cut them off/not be apart of their lives, but it is what feels most ""comfortable"" to myself, and it happens without evening thinking about it (usually when I randomly overreact to something). I feel lonely in society because, while I can do great with work/college and actually really get along with peers, I severely struggle to become close to people and keep them around; since I have only met another person with BPD, it feels like I am alienated from ""being different"" than ""normal"" Regardless, does anyone else know what I am talking about? How do you cope/deal with this?",8.9090099009901,8.000373564356439,8.469188118811882,70.32110891089113,60.88118811881189,12.23841584158416,38.51683168316832,11.407655852321104,4.4453607920792075,868,37,151,21,10,277,127,202,0.14400000000000002,0.695,0.16,0.6806,1,2,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,9,0,12,16,3,2,1,0,17,0,0,1,3,44,32,16,0,3,11,0,5,5,1,0,0,0,0,2,11,16,0,1,8,0,0,2,6,6,1,0,7,5,26,10,26,23,2,18,0,1,0,0,24,6,0,3,15,109,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.11772076243973732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037662322284277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649460117419636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434965350996418,0.12360313799447505,0.0,0.10738927040045172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470739589661277,0.13323007370214138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038669999037937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036181152429274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603619067780342,0.13825628720665714,0.0,0.10556707044079984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077369692688637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935439941542925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841748976759576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439834154113677,0.17236099978531633,0.11582694801336672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320103837436523,0.0,0.0630259541318213,0.0,0.06855872119361253,0.0,0.0,0.13299871052792275,0.0,0.0,0.10667568606494407,0.0,0.0,0.1191004729039734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617160031211763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072244773724976,0.0,0.0,0.06629694244046534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946768429907272,0.0,0.10652147119424928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650845540527012,0.0,0.0,0.11819508458234575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917471098523009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363198597173031,0.2106648021361089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728082246307147,0.0,0.1191108943890581,0.12951508798241845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362813652636826,0.0,0.09978916592539423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286945780998586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19267592186151186,0.0,0.0,0.2522243703304201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939210581768562,0.0,0.0,0.1379547659121349,0.0,0.0,0.07729698918040062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286060833656527,0.0,0.07115268404181163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846388240950793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162862588229548,0.0,0.0878225262862326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Doodlenoodle1234,2020/01/28,"DAE deal with overwhelming emotional episodes by fantasizing about death? When I’m in the midst of an episodes my emotions become so overwhelming, I have no control over them and the only comforting thought I have is “if I’m dead I won’t have to feel any of this.”",3.2488235294117658,5.740215843137258,3.6585882352941184,86.99964705882354,76.84313725490195,8.00156862745098,29.807843137254906,8.841846274778883,2.5776949019607844,212,10,42,5,5,66,40,51,0.19399999999999998,0.728,0.078,-0.8107,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,2,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,9,4,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,5,1,8,7,0,3,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095773634886155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403677361896554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456573246804254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31772671166532473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6933365818250583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582833602015178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343896930672445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446656274256325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Logurt78,2020/01/28,"Seeking Advice/Coping mechanisms Hi I'm on mobile right now, sorry for any formatting problems. Cw:Non descript mention of Self injury I've only been formally diagnosed since mid December and I need some advice. My mental health has been deteriorating rapidly for a while and last Tuesday I was put on Seroquel/Quetiapine 25mg. I'm waiting for psychology, which will likely take months, but I've been pushed up high on the list. I felt normal for the first few days of the dose. My head was clearer than it has been in years and sleep has been great but slowly over the past few days my mood has been bad. Today I had a volatile mood swing during an argument that caused me to injure my right hand to the point of swelling. It was a lot angrier than any other mood swing I've had. I'm not sure if this is me adjusting to the medication or just a normal mood swing. I'm worried as it was during my work placement. No one seen the outburst with my partner who is working with me but I'm worried about how it could affect me and the toll it takes on my partner to witness them. My question is basically what was your experience with starting Seroquel/Quetiapine (if you have taken it) and if you have any coping skills I could use that have helped you personally. Thanks in advance for any advice!",3.3742132505176023,5.624824944444447,4.416376811594205,82.91413043478263,75.34920634920636,6.922291235334715,26.43271221532091,7.893859768569023,1.67538281573499,1034,39,194,16,23,336,144,252,0.11,0.8370000000000001,0.053,-0.893,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,4,1,5,5,10,0,0,13,0,26,8,3,4,1,34,41,15,0,9,9,0,2,1,2,1,5,0,0,4,13,8,0,1,3,0,0,3,2,2,0,2,16,3,22,4,27,22,4,28,0,0,1,0,14,13,0,7,13,125,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502371516373323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482846081830538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690751320430167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153168763224968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20445801259534774,0.0,0.0,0.16514958306639585,0.0,0.0,0.12995725010162332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524705800041444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293786003691964,0.0,0.0,0.1089102099405496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116384088861306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314053175685046,0.13609984695794194,0.0,0.0,0.08582208069208087,0.1352806083891096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436916349711337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255356132760173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885448087682688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898617972315835,0.12903355464629462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219979158161636,0.0,0.0,0.0949395593399419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25090276511057563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676278062178548,0.0973796991397236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222805228733714,0.0,0.11179902606397583,0.0,0.0,0.12103857643693434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251637062719338,0.0,0.12871491646617664,0.14343338076517584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186898191225609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335729715941478,0.0,0.0,0.10591547756504233,0.0,0.12813182347500346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332957516832254,0.09062691447269684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067557678899972,0.0,0.1925393205074286,0.0,0.0,0.11788143543950386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136633727612108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058489272903052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864283507395808,0.2600603603291169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245314667461616 bpd,smokiflips,2020/01/28,"Macaroni and hot water splattered all over the floor The handle of the pot broke and everything splattered across the kitchen and hot water splashed on my feet. I stood there crying and shaking for 10 minutes before I built up the strength to walk over to the table and sit down. While I was standing and bawling my eyes out over the mess, my sister was at the table eating. She just stared at me and went back to eating her food, looking over a couple times before she nonchalantly said “you better start cleaning that up” and went to her room. I felt so shitty and alone after that. I guess that’s an improvement considering she would normally shout at me to shut up and tell me how annoying and over dramatic I am being, among many other hurtful things. Luckily my mum came back from work soon after that and saved the day. If it wasn’t for her I don’t know how I would be able to live with my dad and sister. Now I have a headache from hitting my head because I was so angry with myself. This really fucking sucks.",5.985686767169177,6.289006291457287,5.9388065326633175,82.02100711892798,66.48743718592965,8.643383584589614,29.146147403685088,8.344100000000001,1.9360750418760464,808,25,156,10,12,254,122,199,0.142,0.7879999999999999,0.071,-0.9348,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,3,10,10,3,1,12,0,11,10,3,2,1,29,24,19,0,4,2,4,3,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,8,17,6,0,2,0,0,5,2,7,0,0,10,8,27,3,31,9,1,36,0,2,3,1,13,19,2,2,10,115,35,1,0.16349016985582818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932650991520035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25142769794641895,0.0,0.0996620900832188,0.0,0.2782361858546347,0.0,0.0,0.14459376934975046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18698920003685754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808987633127448,0.1795862746796779,0.10543763435271508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345825182563228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693442275941024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156976201743927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976929623457284,0.0,0.0,0.15114402758621365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18010285414092309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778808118722502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17501960821478454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984992171544576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436481526145972,0.0,0.13729056662744418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575337143697302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601856542088778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473598921470104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551659040507607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571918370324134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289761457492622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861560424443442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533243279605204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30311405078854875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190227908135682,0.0,0.0,0.2322774518069005,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Despoena,2020/01/28,"When leaving may be the best option :/ Polyamorous w/ BPD isn't working. TL;DR: I hate my relationships and I think I need to move. I'm in a polyamorous marriage (8+ years) and recently diagnosed BPD. In the past it's always been labeled as depression/anxiety, but I got a new therapist who made the new diagnosis and it fit. In taking my DBT course and working with my new therapist, I'm beginning to realize that actually leaving may be my best option. None of my partners or metamours understand. Only one of them comes close to being compassionate or empathetic to me, but he's got his wife and a girlfriend who are his main focus and priority. My husband is only angry & scared at me despite any positive growth I've had and, since meeting his girlfriend almost 3 years ago, caters to her whims and desires over my needs. I'd spent so long trying to get him to treat me with the same empathy she gets, but it's only made him bitter. And lately, he's *more* bitter because I gave up trying to get him to see me. Now he's upset I don't make an effort with him anymore. I just can't do that anymore, I tried for so long. Everything I do makes him more bitter. I respond in a neutral way? Positive responses are neutral, neutral responses are bad, and bad responses are terrible. His girlfriend tries to help me, but she does it judgmentally, and with advice that helps her with anxiety and depression and without understanding that *whatever she has is not the same as what I have.* But, it's obvious her goal is her and my husband's relationship. (She recently told me that setting my boundaries about time spent at *my house* would stop her from having the life she wants with my husband.) When I have an outburst, I've got 3+ people either arguing with me, getting upset with me, or are in my face about what happened. I've got 3+ people I have to explain myself to, and ""prove to them I'm getting better"". When I set a boundary that my husband's girlfriend doesn't like, I've got 3+ people telling me how it's unfair to their idea of our whole...poly thing. Not based in any previous communications or discussions. I'm fucking over it and it's getting to the point that I don't think they'll ever understand or want to help me, or have any empathy for what I'm working on or going through. There's never a ""I understand this is hard for you, Lisa, and I'm here for you."" It's ""I'm scared of how you'll react."" Even though I haven't had an outburst in over a month. I can't tell my husband anything about my diagnosis or he'll use it against me. ""You're splitting all of your partners!"" he'll say, literally a day after I tell him what it means. ""No, I talked this outburst out with my boyfriend in the other room. I'm scared of *hurting you. That's why I don't talk to you.""* That's fine. At this point, I don't think I can do a relationship with them. I think it's time for me to actually make the move, and move out. It's time to stop worrying about 3+ people every time I have a negative feeling, it's time to worry about 1 person: me, and my recovery. Also my cat. I worry about my cat. Why did I think I could ever do this?",2.892714112658993,4.517897568503937,4.577539370078744,83.99398924894005,74.88976377952756,7.719261053906722,27.487129012719564,8.44344225975766,1.9393204118715937,2456,97,501,45,52,829,251,635,0.15,0.779,0.071,-0.995,0,0,0,0,0,0,105.0,1,6,5,8,22,23,6,5,22,0,43,4,1,9,6,96,98,43,0,7,18,6,2,1,6,7,2,1,1,3,35,33,0,2,15,0,2,6,16,16,0,1,15,7,93,7,72,72,10,62,0,2,1,1,73,23,1,13,31,327,128,4,0.0,0.0,0.1222908628858893,0.0,0.0,0.061228934749424126,0.05554277439700722,0.0,0.06274320488417187,0.0,0.0,0.0501077946413544,0.05213669879931772,0.06789020768681814,0.0,0.12782931356796684,0.0,0.09586680772147754,0.0,0.1242803310460798,0.0,0.0,0.051562416103567606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463407383562667,0.03819589887386854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151197405983345,0.05541614657351531,0.0,0.0,0.15783179131125705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05397455012709738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05002752880731656,0.0,0.0,0.040409399560789976,0.0,0.05396747480159986,0.06359682353017783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054832672966884655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04138519536677192,0.1133559821325033,0.05279229359776588,0.0,0.05631321145404801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03168190319844432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792655951978967,0.19641815484161004,0.0,0.035610137920283634,0.0,0.25056770610459433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05540849985789202,0.0,0.05612950119267817,0.061862067912617925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259955496865066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229922913070734,0.06707697230445336,0.07073355828897554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706812560132447,0.13269211829680327,0.0,0.0,0.044257388031112496,0.030611664973095257,0.0,0.0,0.11090119167439226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857753724116615,0.1254746422186545,0.0,0.0,0.06825322324246963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050013232081738405,0.1997874696830086,0.0,0.09292062423071708,0.04832591938807162,0.18154723835108932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042458864310197485,0.14296330993695255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598144071660226,0.17375741572484352,0.05471078316813053,0.0,0.0,0.11846463325415504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373496188834612,0.20181459333759935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049828369989885365,0.18819557262414505,0.0,0.049930527560985684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05183156715420808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477023615084204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04711121995639369,0.10072468545356374,0.1642982651998375,0.0,0.0,0.14550215811126158,0.04162736936763381,0.200744441962636,0.06156143061834893,0.0,0.18268270108711074,0.0,0.0,0.05987266066471841,0.0,0.17016340512212585,0.0,0.0,0.26091786887431445,0.0,0.05411662606351157,0.0,0.0,0.07391494030268876,0.04973521699298139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113078682811143,0.06995571906823568,0.0,0.06040033481991239,0.0,0.13684789706310255,0.1908975393459643,0.0,0.04451063615306482,0.0,0.0,0.08069974109906056 bpd,MysteriousandLovely,2020/01/28,"my fp is going to be 100% unavailable for the unforeseeable future what do i do (already ldr btw)he's away from home for the next few weeks. once he gets back hes moving for his new job that places his schedule the direct opposite as mine. we spent the past 3 months nonstop talking, spending every night together, and now its over with. already resorted to nihilistic depression with a friend. the fact i'm already intensely frustrated with my job makes me close to quitting and hiding in bed for the rest of my life. i mean, saying intensely frustrated is an understatement. i'm ready to tell the next rude customer theyre SOL and to piss off. just a whole lotta stress mixed with an unstable, mentally ill person. not sure what to do when the only person that helps is now gone for at least the next few months. (the post ends there heres just my rambling) like god. whats the conversation going to be like when he comes back in 30 to 60 business days? something along the lines of ""sorry, i don't love you anymore"" i might as well quit working now cause i'll need a few months to recover from THAT",3.835258215962444,5.853179967136152,4.2597417840375575,85.59881455399062,73.27230046948357,7.738028169014085,25.91784037558686,8.515128840125781,1.7739558685446009,875,30,170,16,18,275,135,213,0.142,0.782,0.076,-0.9424,2,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,1,1,0,3,12,12,4,1,17,0,11,4,1,2,2,22,23,7,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,1,2,1,2,2,7,11,0,0,1,0,2,5,2,6,1,0,2,1,15,6,31,18,7,35,0,1,0,1,16,8,1,2,23,103,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3844076952623541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515497651156957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909395718085603,0.17857068655712047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928219138762006,0.0,0.10002287570032166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488463247726729,0.0,0.10000976406898594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028435123563779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783197836813896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971023695396525,0.0,0.06066534641711219,0.0,0.13198177253852314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782950282686545,0.0,0.11647291109759435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304526365296536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201552790033283,0.1134559437132434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479840970249313,0.0,0.07750772980121018,0.0,0.0,0.1264833824173085,0.0,0.0,0.11701670858034738,0.12317976983898117,0.0,0.0,0.2780458911155401,0.12341197347965745,0.0,0.08609787414197695,0.0,0.11214468555129402,0.37046917319633776,0.10896615395471557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236587901623887,0.0,0.0883107646465366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108450000781368,0.0,0.2027744502328271,0.12131556394323165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120616704735578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24700539998336116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923393867315586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939107558496504,0.0,0.1299813461265304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300945285494306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943710603487758,0.0,0.0,0.09332891769687826,0.1014897139433591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314052794649816,0.0,0.10440141828484484,0.0,0.0,0.12963836060536052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845331745273855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gucciknives,2020/01/28,"can splitting be a good thing? it's a defense mechanism, right? maybe i need to learn to use it to protect myself. if someone is a bad friend and i fight myself over splitting on them i'm just holding back the defense mechanism from doing it's job, right? i mean i don't want to hate them but maybe i'm supposed to now and that's part of the story of my life or whatever. but why am i supposed to hate the people most important to me? bad communication and lying are the sort of things that the splitting defense mechanism is built for right??? so why don't i let it do it's job? why do i keep struggling against it? nobody keeps friends for forever no matter how much all the stories make you think you will. it's not like stories where you find friends and then you all go on adventures together for forever. even if you know someone for half your life they can vanish. and they aren't supposed to hurt you. maybe i should let it happen.",1.2819712918660289,3.735665905263161,2.559234449760765,92.0964593301435,84.68421052631578,5.559808612440191,23.89952153110048,6.980632752743323,0.9166315789473688,742,29,154,10,22,238,102,190,0.115,0.7120000000000001,0.174,0.8494,2,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,7,4,0,7,16,6,1,9,0,17,2,0,3,2,34,32,13,0,5,7,0,0,1,3,2,2,0,0,0,12,5,0,7,5,0,0,1,5,10,0,1,0,0,23,6,20,27,5,11,0,1,0,0,15,7,0,5,4,107,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516979230194232,0.20668187303658525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174745932024524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312151962614699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868680671909461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034008841151866,0.1038105517888201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944744969756916,0.0,0.0,0.2443901417081767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249598113981856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456408717110081,0.2200210005948318,0.0,0.0,0.06801954166423642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531219056458599,0.1748417034463732,0.06046669140825835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826159622185997,0.0,0.3730241476943027,0.1348194092365985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098356800918886,0.0917722494963884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402845762991406,0.0,0.08580500313985548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31709105428287315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097360970041849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938896904508124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445164285592204,0.07930540357570354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689563377602833,0.0,0.0,0.0730014504220971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350435442372973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hiddenc0okiie,2020/01/28,"I think my mother is my biggest trigger.. Hi.. this is my first post here.. I was diagnosed maybe a year ago. I am currently waiting for my DBT. I learned alot about bpd over the time but there are still so many things that I dont understand, dont know, or always thought were normal or a personality trait I have. I guess this is just some kind of rant.. I have a very difficult relationship towards my mother. I love her to death but at the same time I really dislike her alot. I can have normal conversations via msg most of the time so today she asked me if she can come by while she is on break from work, I aggreed. The minute she stepped thru my door I was having a difficult time controlling my negative emotions towards her. Like I feel trapped in some kind of way, anything she does makes me angry I feel like. Im trying really hard not to let any anger out but its difficult. She stayed for like 30 or 40 minutes, we didnt talk a word, I put my headphones on so I dont even have to hear her just beeing there and breathing. So when she left I had a huge outburst of anger, just screaming and insulting her, not wanting to see her face even once for the rest of my life. I did not selfharm and this time I also managed to not break any of my furniture lol..so I guess thats one good thing I can take from this horrible experience.. I feel horrible and very much ashamed for talking like this about my mother.. No one really understands me and ive been constantly told that I am an ungreatfull child..",2.69839068825911,4.49181080263158,3.836447368421055,88.38243927125508,75.84210526315789,7.571659919028341,25.508097165991906,8.384062270229773,1.5615327935222676,1180,42,252,22,26,383,164,304,0.214,0.711,0.075,-0.9947,1,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,0,0,3,17,16,3,1,14,0,27,5,2,3,0,47,47,19,1,4,14,3,4,4,0,0,2,2,1,2,11,8,0,2,9,0,0,3,10,8,0,3,9,7,53,8,29,37,8,33,0,0,1,1,29,11,0,11,18,176,64,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944501994118255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069263265225224,0.08395994104363062,0.0,0.0,0.13723591862647452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303512719104761,0.0,0.0943313153758998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708464669302352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691958161698732,0.0,0.10904102627183923,0.11317205182100824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024151063861716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830148620043739,0.0,0.35477506775029755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135030534073762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329185173184674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870315630437633,0.0,0.0,0.1530597900874119,0.07208560576932778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582861463196154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463321546807857,0.0,0.0,0.22231354856605656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038987353390554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372577547703824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899328444154777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21015130062084447,0.05545402106541196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963213841331668,0.10318084438948054,0.0712712499143869,0.1971857555677909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910695064672794,0.0,0.06735398676786918,0.10230048925851032,0.10137130417734744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741758114439147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19772835575768508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074591210152848,0.13674988353157272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881051972033797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663782854979326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143606342133588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19392443447906824,0.0,0.0,0.10833278508605837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040716514166008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754989216906244,0.08058180540754778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586700618037771,0.1622051040260746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407183647591078,0.06465500079663658,0.0,0.08010624710884716,0.2941887224583105,0.0,0.09564488579216762,0.09641778584571303,0.0,0.06850697201231352,0.0,0.0,0.21008856901584133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651219915929485,0.0595156019941412,0.08009264074421102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734590773483679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497865861236737 bpd,atleastitried19,2020/01/28,"DAE feel like being borderline is just a personality trait and not an actual 'disorder'? to me it just feels like it's just the way i am and not something that i should try to change or solve. i feel like if i changed i would lose the core of who i am and what i believe, my entire way of being is made out of 'BPD traits', it's not just something that pops up sometimes and then it goes away, no, it's my whole perspective on how things should be. of course there is the splitting and getting WAY too angry to the point of throwing stuff around and wanting to hurt myself, but it's all caused by my own opinions and temperament, so it just feels so unfair to blame it all on a ""personality disorder""",10.94661971830985,5.848646338028171,10.277549295774651,71.96111267605636,60.97183098591549,13.613521126760563,40.371830985915494,10.355215969177356,3.776015211267605,548,17,119,8,5,178,82,142,0.14,0.8140000000000001,0.046,-0.9401,0,0,2,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,1,11,5,0,0,7,0,11,0,0,3,2,34,18,14,0,5,11,0,4,3,0,3,0,0,0,2,14,9,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,4,12,3,17,11,4,12,0,2,0,0,3,7,0,3,4,90,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.1409392142031867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857000813124342,0.0,0.0,0.1356932429966648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16271895853480062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18189984205481186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836557220398738,0.30556770510198256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310500556353657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921050640008458,0.30953448693624075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545676961013745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461131837036715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21167815345869545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161576062977316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665963692245262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522149114395359,0.0,0.0,0.13652951600553173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22237281064019268,0.14284128253693804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653335353486461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095950402009913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805596280087334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518636109270962,0.34391657246330176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124678233231554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025962845474494,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,slavasesh,2020/01/28,"I decided to write again. Was doing some stream of consciousness to get feelings out and warm up, and this is part of what came out. Made me think of this community. Fast forward Fast forward that part of your life is over Rewind Rewind Relive it every day of your life",4.453461538461539,6.121099730769237,4.23,87.89000000000001,70.92307692307692,7.507692307692308,24.538461538461537,8.07648339933343,1.2074461538461545,214,6,43,3,4,65,37,52,0.0,0.963,0.037000000000000005,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,12,9,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,4,1,11,6,3,11,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,6,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455596791852481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19485079937126848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545600954226672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276753010232902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785202988206734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4268109662443148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858855633843264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6543612236402679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935946359555072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,soyymilkyonreddit,2020/01/28,"BPD and ego death? So in trying to practice mindfulness, would ego death help someone with BPD? I just have been thinking about how I’m obviously selfish in a sense when my BPD makes me go in these loops of: “does he really love me?” “when will he leave me?” “am I ok?” “I’m not ok.” It’s at the root about me, me, me. Has anyone successfully experienced ego death and felt it made their symptoms more manageable? Am I just feeling some type of way and wanting a stranger to justify my drug use?",2.277709750566892,4.281419061224494,3.587278911564628,88.73787981859414,77.77551020408163,7.212698412698412,25.174603174603178,8.167268648758528,1.4444997732426303,380,14,82,7,9,124,67,98,0.14300000000000002,0.7040000000000001,0.154,-0.3954,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,8,5,0,0,3,2,7,3,0,5,1,20,18,7,3,2,3,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,3,12,4,11,13,2,8,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,2,48,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113643758656116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7086223987178359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641226604732965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217493674995842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482883033855403,0.0,0.18007345266928032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658664367552582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570804779620767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985840038462204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16926747592302635,0.17746044312070028,0.12518832895670046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893678720593635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014669094484808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15890701264472526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949319758343984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017182496294768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733133938548438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16197942148007374,0.0,0.0,0.11061941717239072,0.14886518731331105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332272097917196,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GrouchyCounty,2020/01/28,"things are bad, but they are no worse tonight than theyve been for a little bit so I don't know why I feel worse tonight I'm just reaching out because I want to off myself. I'm not gonna do it, just really want to. Sorry I'll have to delete this pretty soon, but I really really really really want to get it out. My husband is going to die. I spent years telling myself it would be stupid to think about growing old together, I knew that if I tried to make plans for it, or even accept the possibility of long lasting happiness, he would leave me somehow. I knew he wouldn't leave me by choice, too. I knew he would effing die and I would wish Id never even met him. But I thought screw it, I WILL hope for the best. No time at all later we get confirmation that he is absolutely going to die. Even more effing grand, we don't know how long, but he doesn't get to live life to its fullest, or even really live like a regular person or he'll just die way faster. Every one who loves me dies. I'm a curse. I think it's my fault hes so sick, I know it is actually, but I say think so people wont argue with me. Stress is a huge factor, I am a huge stress, and I wish I could just SAY IT without people coming up with bullshit excuses as to why its not true or why it doesnt matter, or why hed rather be stressed than not. I don't care! Just let me try to start coming to terms with the actual facts before I have to deal with them alone. I'm glad I started writing this, I don't want to kill myself anymore, now I just want things to be okay and they never will be and I'm damn well bed bound so I cant even make the time we have left count and why did this have to happen to HIM of all people? Why couldnt it be happening to a mean person, or a heartless person, or a bad person, or for fucks sake why couldnt it just happen to me instead of him the world NEEDS people like him, and I need him, and I just dont want to be forced to spend one moment in a world without him and why cant I be the one who will die, why do I have to be the one who will just keep hanging in there for no reason except that god is cruel and I must have pissed him off somewhere along the way? And why does everyone in my life die? And why wasnt everyone else who died enough? Why can't I trade with him? And why cant I take back all the times I stressed him out? And why cant I send him to the doctor sooner than I did?",2.0562408868471,2.728925434535107,3.723428043543393,93.06860955757514,75.48956356736244,6.913592329971037,20.320033955857387,7.0608816371341465,0.1120352941176468,1852,34,456,18,38,621,209,527,0.22399999999999998,0.632,0.14400000000000002,-0.9957,0,1,0,0,0,1,47.0,3,0,3,2,29,29,9,4,19,1,57,8,1,4,8,106,108,33,9,22,30,1,1,2,0,13,4,2,1,4,25,27,0,2,14,0,3,7,27,16,1,4,10,3,64,13,57,72,8,46,0,0,0,3,43,16,4,11,23,293,89,2,0.0,0.0,0.09359238927284068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04966589041011505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04755749059141011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03687367234619112,0.08007918775391272,0.029232318356972275,0.0,0.040805329070165236,0.0,0.05032477316695708,0.0,0.05235335706697797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488923074127533,0.0,0.0,0.08261626399734298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03828737356168319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049438476887465735,0.0,0.0,0.39814951709902013,0.0,0.0,0.049082959464088784,0.041964875805772,0.0,0.056201740566143264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04005942059741837,0.0,0.0,0.0495493094719015,0.0,0.1583658510331114,0.0,0.04040332021876933,0.09164421987866443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02424698744517076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0443327079380523,0.07516197029921456,0.0,0.05450673601681317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272167134652463,0.0510479335195814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04762915039547125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04262372591649215,0.0530540051889318,0.0,0.07906280654183881,0.039088917087764866,0.0,0.1015527415213391,0.05210217031220536,0.049036222453952186,0.06774266843913143,0.04685581239417843,0.04806251427066457,0.08468853574603225,0.08487557661357617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04328036472588159,0.0,0.0640193457972226,0.0,0.0,0.052235973220632184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111457903924973,0.07397017491906507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050319664961699866,0.0,0.12997950829117094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298108548581367,0.16748636144538934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05406093911817371,0.0,0.04878646620209976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18432339383611324,0.04930470724485262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626990424094217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053680586221562285,0.06788418776281913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21972461787900344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03605544627967448,0.0,0.04191391689877404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637170245809011,0.09218097663138214,0.0,0.038070126062868026,0.08388710359912771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511524768225238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169707099188837,0.07612731940111969,0.0,0.0,0.04311641249227766,0.0,0.6057944719056536,0.0,0.11028948584847444,0.0924519054861855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773846253407227,0.13626060646923774,0.0,0.0,0.030880809101038062 bpd,Throaway99789,2020/01/28,DAE get violent thoughts/fantasies? I've been getting violent harmful thoughts towards people for some time now. It gets worse when im under alot of stress. Generally i get these thoughts when someone treats me disrespectfully or has wronged me. Etc. It could even be something as small as a disrespectful comment. And ill think about hurting that individual. Just wanted to see if anyone else could relate on this.,5.180833333333332,8.514354305555559,4.800555555555559,76.67500000000003,75.3888888888889,6.933333333333335,34.0,8.07648339933343,3.0777166666666664,338,18,53,6,8,103,61,72,0.26899999999999996,0.731,0.0,-0.9686,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,2,1,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,13,14,7,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,3,1,3,1,9,8,3,8,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,4,4,34,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663385903628165,0.21487231255766684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33487217291718124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751854981597102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338816872361024,0.13851124200488316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43825853405317977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22449851115784847,0.0,0.2265224018128527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538626220265782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671114350225822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768630077847386,0.16144472939271426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402216886005451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437347213369327,0.0,0.3329720649906908,0.12228337982281814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369218138646655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21371204317292444,0.0,0.22928457487906145,0.0,0.0 bpd,prefabsprite,2020/01/28,"Substances + guilt + SSRIs hello. i’m upset! :( i started lexapro and thought my depression and anxiety were cured and got really stoked. then started to feel those things again and got super discouraged and upset. i got super depressed a couple months ago after i started a corporate job (even though it was super relaxed and chill) and started having an identity crisis which is what got me to start antidepressants. this week i realized the antidepressants wouldn’t cure everything that upset me about my life and i got really sad about it. my work had a conference this week which resulted in my getting really drunk and doing cocaine with my boss which was fun in theory but ended up only fueling the identity crisis. first of all, i should NOT be in a work environment that encourages that .... but i am incapable of denying drugs and alcohol even if it means hanging out with people i despise. i ended up getting drunk and high in this corporate environment where i REALLY shouldnt have had that opportunity and now hate myself for having fun with people i “hate.” i hate that i’ll do drugs and drink excessively even if i know it will make me feel bad and even if i do not like the people i’ll be doing it with. i am sad and upset and hate myself so much. but i also know i will probably do it again tomorrow and the next day and i have absolutely no intention of opting out. i feel stupid and like i am betraying myself and who i am for the sake of getting fucked up. but i do not want to say no. i WANT to do it. WHY! i know i am going to hate myself for it. but i am going to continue to do it. i called my bf upset about my actions and he was just like it seems like you want to feel bad about yourself and do nothing about it. which is true!!!!! but i hate it. i wish i was strong enough to deny the free drugs and alcohol but i simply am not. i don’t want to tell my therapist because she will just tell me to fucking say no because it’s destructive and makes me feel bad. and i agree with her. but it feels like it’s not that simple. i’m sorry this rant is stupid and makes me feel weak but i just need to vent and hope someone understands. i like feeling social and liked and doing drugs feels good and makes me feel liked. i wish i was strong enough to do what i knew was right for myself.",3.091349965823646,4.788663140692645,4.552877648667124,84.07525632262477,74.51948051948051,7.980041011619959,24.062656641604015,8.6894789155246,1.6261982683982683,1809,55,365,36,38,603,182,462,0.29,0.594,0.11599999999999999,-0.9985,1,0,8,0,0,0,43.0,0,1,0,9,19,49,12,6,11,0,43,13,0,7,2,97,98,46,0,14,20,0,10,8,1,6,8,2,0,0,34,37,5,1,19,4,1,4,11,27,0,1,16,12,61,23,41,74,4,37,0,5,0,2,14,12,2,5,29,260,95,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05785363577273784,0.1394972377163359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052192533268778575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049927676793475935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634810737172218,0.07957008433414467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664303616348423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221466979429363,0.0,0.04209063571932308,0.0,0.11242559143442422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393502037958174,0.3027475098364724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156111386672581,0.1348727352114878,0.0,0.17242811833769905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058656126922446414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33000031203495256,0.09325090169085427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05551452068613102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067319691564797,0.10229507359621584,0.0,0.07418340086259924,0.054741328529923805,0.2609925946761261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866150638695297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895623593921167,0.0,0.06482304050351483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476561113972093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760409262455553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04609872004418045,0.2550821250795791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17426003240303328,0.0,0.0,0.07109290381428927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05209403642663927,0.0,0.0479774098238832,0.04839329695339279,0.0,0.0,0.06941024924341457,0.0,0.0,0.06262369130563457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04963710312607374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573995471901032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036689238235039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724215772868065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05573609900372393,0.0,0.10380296626663928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059414960034349776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652962228749536,0.05529896717072709,0.0,0.0,0.07305901503596036,0.2309751179876096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408927139076262,0.0,0.0,0.07577789326247461,0.04335927925310976,0.0,0.06412269864637038,0.051813255186299916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794334418982012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539803540914165,0.0,0.1047035660805729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588916650278935,0.0,0.15010345028004668,0.0,0.0,0.09502764285610302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,oneliquidmoment,2020/01/28,"That feeling when your FP asks you out And then gets mad at you for thinking they were serious because it was ""obviously a joke."" Didn't know the idea of dating me was that bad. Sorry.",3.0674774774774782,4.683971783783786,4.209189189189189,86.8518018018018,74.4054054054054,7.095495495495496,25.84684684684685,7.793537801064563,1.3344306306306302,144,5,30,2,3,47,34,37,0.228,0.735,0.037000000000000005,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,1,0,1,4,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,7,9,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,1,5,1,4,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911801596695566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34937567483125703,0.255074039567798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21157326488660932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21861497210013775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4723620853996136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299608855049307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4684036280220496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26811619698377764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,slollyplum,2020/01/28,"BPD is like seeing everything you love in life flash before your eyes... All the smiling faces of those you love or loved throughout your journey. All the times that had shimmering happiness where you felt weightless and a little carefree.. The cruise down the highway while your favorite track played in the background... The friends you used to be so impatient to spend time with and laugh with.. The comfort of spending time with your grandparent in the garden or in the living room watching football.. The times sitting and watching Nickelodeon back in the 90s or whatever your childhood “go to” was...Oh...it’s the times we look back at and feel a heavy heart and sunken chest about. That place you knew as happiness you miss so very much... All the while slowly being suffocated and choked to death....strangled...the very life just slipping away like sand through the fingers...wide eyed and grasping for air...”what have I become?””where is this taking me?”....begging for some god, wherever or whatever, somewhere, somehow, something.....help I’m in so many pieces now I’m just looking at a mosaic of insanity. I wish I would’ve known what was going on with me sooner. Just when I thought the universe couldn’t tatter me any further, I see disintegration on the horizon. Can I hang on? Can I make it? Is this the end of me?.....unable to manage even the slightest negative thought.. I had to let my feelings go somewhere. I have no one to listen to me and I’m chalk full inside with emotions to keep anything in anymore. I’m exploding with feelings. The color would surely be magnificent, though, with the array of emotions.",4.290433414043584,6.923417325423733,3.9989285714285714,85.1575211864407,74.0508474576271,6.383777239709443,29.51876513317191,7.447530270364453,1.9151815980629536,1281,56,224,16,28,387,173,295,0.054000000000000006,0.773,0.17300000000000001,0.9895,1,0,1,0,0,0,71.0,1,11,0,0,15,14,0,0,23,0,16,10,5,2,4,44,44,20,0,3,7,0,6,2,1,1,2,1,2,0,7,16,0,1,9,3,2,6,3,1,0,1,7,16,25,13,40,31,7,40,0,1,9,3,17,20,0,6,15,149,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072733045553919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772909210076735,0.0,0.0,0.09768877155861873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115325878364604,0.1825623645719586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010140418378446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951194078186508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26706706500268523,0.1051424237575522,0.0,0.0,0.07840728192358043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668950109741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007105395596218,0.0,0.11398086529831465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171557381781002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023980386108092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527394440768138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067272265228034,0.07956926382196251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055155032718849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213897091239246,0.16769772232815736,0.11599207999016813,0.11897928378474057,0.10482370180529044,0.0,0.19937413961664294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214230596444745,0.0,0.07924029804627059,0.1203539931060285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726600589950079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044142632700038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402739016054858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891940785284094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188340726487928,0.0,0.08925565464046502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663263646176472,0.1884860332959936,0.3461057491635932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252790929003412,0.0,0.19589748020701928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651141887148438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865731653659627,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nixbrooklyn,2020/01/28,"trying to figure out this rollercoaster of a disorder hello! i was diagnosed with BPD three months ago. the anger and emotional rollercoaster i experience every day is getting very tiring. my relationship is struggling because i tend to direct my anger at him (even when im not even mad at him) and i have multiple mood swings with my depression every day. im on medication for anxiety, ptsd, and major depressive. does anyone have advice on how to cope with the episodes of anger and depression?",5.301039325842698,7.965961842696629,6.117289325842697,71.01952949438204,71.02247191011236,10.292696629213484,30.22612359550562,10.411451182825502,3.9742011235955066,400,17,63,13,8,131,60,89,0.275,0.684,0.040999999999999995,-0.976,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,4,1,3,0,5,3,0,1,0,11,7,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,1,0,9,0,14,6,1,10,0,3,0,0,4,5,0,0,5,42,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635572076042991,0.14836810602940464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804164760526554,0.0,0.0,0.11703270255527985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203043034004257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108033331275331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21588644585038647,0.0,0.4324803060576553,0.16988240791167936,0.0,0.0,0.19182659636109414,0.0,0.14647125436112118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827468621149185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22109961631861494,0.0,0.282041820887897,0.0,0.0,0.16372516177686028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744668693038339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615880949694117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16861300759721956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359736889154056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956527707333532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796984354710684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749770063168416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19237328729911354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363684298980782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381021527878312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdkween,2020/01/28,FP just literally abandoned me Just got hit with “you are selfish and only want to feel validated” :)))) and abandonment from my favorite person. the pain hasnt set in yet completely but I know tomorrow I’m going to be a fucking wreck. How do y’all stop the feeling that you’re literally going to die,5.066034482758621,6.184981637931037,6.747758620689655,72.51060344827587,68.82758620689657,9.937931034482759,33.46551724137931,10.125756701596842,3.5866413793103438,237,11,43,6,4,82,49,58,0.301,0.607,0.092,-0.9476,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,0,4,5,1,0,3,0,4,2,0,1,0,14,14,4,1,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,1,2,5,0,6,11,0,7,0,2,0,1,3,1,1,0,3,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33479927852204244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314020966193666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229139659726217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952047254314396,0.0,0.0,0.362952023199019,0.0,0.2553881034737517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754890477224775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24285604051390716,0.3397773027996355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27881651969627697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266964489628718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883422719925393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hymnednumb,2020/01/28,"looking for friend male 18, looking for friend if you see r/bpd lately roughly became useless n got nothing to do with bpd pain endurance i just looking for friend and helping hand life-long friendship, i got sick of grief over toxic ppl",6.061333333333334,7.183411577777778,5.206666666666667,84.45000000000002,66.55555555555556,6.0,35.0,3.1291,1.8290000000000008,191,9,33,0,3,57,36,45,0.20800000000000002,0.496,0.29600000000000004,0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,7,2,1,1,2,0,2,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,6,3,3,7,5,0,2,0,2,4,0,6,1,0,1,1,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4910447227268325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4518346321997733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118255168904071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066537323610536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21990283118919748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769315201836305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725173504760925,0.4911060210056653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18705190596688467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20743180992378166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553433681395465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,empatheticat,2020/01/28,"FP Replacement Thread I know this is terrible, but I just lost my FP / SO of 3+ years and I cannot handle being alone right now. I'm wondering if any women who lost their FP / don't have a FP would be interested in keeping each other company and keeping us from further destroying ourselves? I'm 34/m, a quiet BPD, intelligent, caring, communicative, creative. And I love cats.",2.8823679060665377,5.203647178082196,5.126457925636012,76.88287671232878,77.21917808219176,8.554990215264189,28.23679060665361,9.23628265651192,2.8800270058708417,296,13,54,8,7,103,59,73,0.147,0.583,0.27,0.9146,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,1,2,3,7,1,0,2,0,7,1,0,0,0,12,17,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,1,7,3,3,12,1,5,0,2,0,1,5,3,0,2,2,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24775069638019026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267184221297762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30127817558910464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243891795941244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42524387224027743,0.0,0.0,0.1314642384459196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5222546397606069,0.0,0.2158974783676076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20428508704692613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877416615361069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594143795083074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699287975267295,0.0,0.0,0.15404419202776906 bpd,auxmonstera,2020/01/28,"I lashed out again I've been having really bad anxiety over the past few months and it's been building up and getting worse. My BPD, I believe, is triggered by my anxiety, which triggers my BPD, etc. Lately, over the past week, I've been waking up crying and unable to breathe, screaming, because my brain is so loud and the thoughts and delusions are so there and so real to me. I would hit my head against the wall over and over again in order to make it all stop. Sometimes, I also fly into fits of rage around other people, accusing them of hating me and wanting to get rid of me and thinking I'm pathetic. The usual. I lashed out at my boyfriend and one of my best friends the other night in a blind rage — they were tired and busy with their own lives, gaming together and trying to relieve themselves of stress, and I believed that they were laughing at me behind my back and never cared about me anyway. So I called them liars and sent them videos of me screaming accusations in hysteria and harming myself, saying that this is what they wanted. When I calmed down from the rage, in poured the usual regret, self hatred, shame, and all. I apologised, and I promised I wouldn't involve any of them in anything related to my breakdowns and will now call my therapist first. My boyfriend has since been very supportive in his messages to me but I'm getting anxious because he hasn't said I love you back once and I am terrified of him ending the relationship, especially since this isn't the first time this has happened and he's often had to be the one to help pull me out of one of my episodes. It's taking my all to hold down my anxiety over this, because I know that lashing out once more will send our relationship crashing down for good. I've been staying at my dad's house under constant supervision and talking to my therapist daily. I lashed out at him too, again in an episode I couldn't catch before it got out of hand, and he felt hurt and disrespected. I'm so tired of these thoughts and these episodes and everything that comes with them. I've been trying to get better for so long and I really have been working on my problems, but then things like these happen every other month or so and it feels like all my progress is for nought when I keep hurting the people around me. Just wanted to get this off my chest. I'm doing my best to heal and be better every day, taking my meds, therapy, seeing my doctor, doing my exercises, but I'm so tired of myself and this kind of life. I hope results show soon.",7.119757085020241,6.4232304493927135,6.868582995951417,79.6593117408907,64.34412955465585,9.54331983805668,32.96761133603239,8.617729084823388,2.478520647773279,1998,69,389,24,26,630,238,494,0.161,0.74,0.099,-0.9743,0,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,1,1,9,8,26,32,5,2,14,0,31,15,6,4,5,76,67,46,0,9,5,1,3,2,1,4,8,5,0,1,24,42,0,3,6,4,0,5,5,15,0,5,16,10,67,17,71,43,10,70,0,3,2,1,34,35,0,3,30,281,91,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621299527255911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528329591950545,0.0,0.17830160779336202,0.08776940565485439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393357556167475,0.13832400957415236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194801054804498,0.06486924945932701,0.14208025368091315,0.0,0.06610983814813087,0.1750636801336118,0.16306510373623906,0.13742383162101468,0.0,0.0,0.19569972701753507,0.08672953130587521,0.15866364121490098,0.0,0.07921177462355143,0.0,0.0,0.06692444302894919,0.0,0.08395703033528698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534058584962098,0.05010466140749597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952065526594804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068811706676109,0.0,0.08664668238703631,0.0,0.0,0.1309170650586854,0.0,0.06982420979626751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039283212563331726,0.05550290195568338,0.07459612960494792,0.0,0.0,0.13216888814540145,0.0,0.0,0.06002434543201074,0.0,0.2029532990176984,0.0,0.0,0.06516403670589277,0.06213707805847055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374048688994029,0.0,0.0,0.07670438067426331,0.07973400624653593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05207504874698625,0.0,0.0,0.07716529912951484,0.0,0.08964568726559527,0.16634095146594244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905587299061516,0.0,0.08090385666968397,0.04269727723577765,0.0,0.08763952048019323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054875882002234484,0.07591239292181444,0.0,0.06860311531301806,0.06875463034502717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011971162149283,0.0,0.051859753192115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629786477610901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402540431615508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599205594357497,0.0,0.0,0.07290831333699213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654780588801838,0.1579375375381849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833086613104204,0.10772316065768096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434037862127528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843006143342055,0.09954246999181868,0.0,0.0,0.1668234284791442,0.0,0.0,0.07390251264010764,0.06178348686114039,0.0,0.0,0.061910154680158425,0.0,0.08104929350293527,0.0,0.0,0.12853460584459697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768389892028878,0.0,0.0,0.08280891943261892,0.0,0.06495366505043301,0.08899547716036836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816351873496625,0.0,0.0,0.11682884428204195,0.06244557349132615,0.0,0.0,0.08884712732320522,0.1804118953872965,0.05161485372511899,0.049781646860867,0.0,0.123356920757456,0.04530260277293534,0.2678852315901918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549500722925373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711326652192011,0.06410371506024005,0.1374735741092919,0.0,0.06231952353497092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056560417635503325,0.0,0.07917438832393794,0.05518989090957836,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ferociousspot,2020/01/28,"Seeking advice for how to cope with and manage a busy, hectic lifestyle in addition to BPD For the past year or so my only responsibility was going to work and regular adulting shit (grocery shopping, getting bills paid on time, etc.) It always felt like a LOT, like something I could barely manage. Trash piles up in my apartment in a disgusting way, I get groceries delivered because I never want to leave the house on my days off, and on days I have work I do literally nothing but work and sleep because I'm so drained after my 10 hour shift. So starting in a month, I made the decision to go to beauty school to pursue my passion of makeup and get certified as an esthetician. I have been so excited but as soon as I enrolled today I got extremely nervous thinking about how busy my life is about to be. My work schedule is 9am-7pm Thursday-Sunday, and my school schedule will be 8am-4:30pm on Monday and Tuesday plus an hour commute each way. I'm really stressed out about it to be honest. I'm posting here because I'm hoping someone who understands why this is so overwhelming for me can give me some advice on how to manage all this in a way that works for me. I need to be able to stay organized now that I have less time to procrastinate things. Does anyone have good suggestions for how to stay organized and motivated when life is hectic? Or do you know of a super cool planner/calendar/organizer type thing? How will I remember to get everything I need from the store, to get ready for school and have my lunch made and outfit picked out the night before so I can arrive on time bright and early? I am aware this sounds pretty childish but I really have a hard time managing self-care and basic responsibilities. I was never really taught any of this kind of thing growing up and I moved out on my own way too young due to the abusive home I was living in, so all of this still feels very new and scary to me. Any advice at all on how to manage all of this would be really appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read all of this <3",6.8290228973022,6.4765949276808,7.232352074359557,75.67496656087056,64.81047381546134,10.18367717070959,32.69111312627522,9.688023934748609,2.928161097256858,1630,58,309,29,22,534,205,401,0.073,0.778,0.149,0.9881,0,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,2,0,7,22,17,2,3,16,1,28,6,2,10,7,58,57,37,0,6,5,0,3,2,0,3,2,1,1,1,15,21,1,0,8,2,4,4,2,5,0,0,10,6,35,12,65,38,11,63,0,1,1,1,6,22,1,5,32,210,50,18,0.08472221606930187,0.10038197216282856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483687070145233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049567072488269,0.0,0.0,0.11522802435141387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05923974336529762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493762965800156,0.0,0.07209236578891004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670466529751192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764379562187246,0.0,0.0,0.10927764094127676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414098221518509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448766622367444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614286488306027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042838098062402935,0.0,0.08134661364420379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213193055784788,0.08127326962565093,0.09629917563283948,0.0710609752206148,0.06776009571235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758944644589337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498329054477212,0.08414827697188862,0.16686863367489274,0.09775806232150412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822515063031221,0.04656111427432398,0.0,0.0,0.08970859389510329,0.0,0.0,0.11968361348668664,0.08278199057405562,0.0,0.07481126897214625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202779840700307,0.0,0.16033241868451706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676244645694274,0.09004630776453612,0.0,0.125640899408171,0.13068599198318645,0.08182524421727594,0.0,0.07950606054072623,0.0,0.08129325128929829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443506304997486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087694175671846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811404636107794,0.0861929519289582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474514310418862,0.0,0.2171008842012931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597375519753916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572302172961368,0.0,0.0,0.08838374858903719,0.0,0.08696613730417903,0.0,0.0,0.08478340144051844,0.0,0.07178485874153663,0.06522330108312775,0.0,0.0,0.05996682059670485,0.18060521936066884,0.06765927119309248,0.0,0.09704901226089696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370056267423117,0.0,0.0,0.07800083376790283,0.0,0.0,0.16885702729545568,0.054286575124060224,0.0,0.0,0.2470110275401184,0.0,0.08030675452499217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819881481757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990470108542457,0.04997135811460216,0.268994206485025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644862230481407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083939116758758,0.0,0.0,0.060184231496501636,0.0,0.0,0.0545583294216655 bpd,NinjaInUnitard,2020/01/28,"Welcome to the club? I always knew I wasn't normal. I am currently on a waiting list for personality and trauma specialist but my current doctor let it slip that my symptoms sound a lot like bpd. It's currently 5.32am and I'm yet to sleep. The more I read about it, the more it makes sense. You could say I'm obsessed about it. Have a great day. Goodnight. P.s. looked ar flairs. Can't decide. Chose something.",0.4090883190883189,2.8248426913580285,1.8449382716049385,92.93299145299143,97.39506172839506,4.467616334283001,19.81101614434948,6.297961479604792,0.25962412155745485,322,11,65,4,13,103,60,81,0.05,0.812,0.138,0.8381,3,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,6,0,6,3,1,1,0,10,12,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,6,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,7,3,6,8,3,6,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,6,38,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164149129140188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275730354847119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076599312858807,0.0,0.0,0.16773591133028531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662121488484847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286749079939432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659586604680965,0.0,0.12706636518751402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21840928480308425,0.0,0.0,0.2211183971917023,0.0,0.0,0.17361145088472138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548320327529445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270997137805679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601594193826937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20683324031535466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26027686878688994,0.0,0.0,0.20022924640232806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27033209429722965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Starhoundfive,2020/01/28,"My friend just died My friend just died of an overdose last night. He was a good friend, very loyal, fun to be around, very wild guy but fun. He had a similar bad upbringing as I did and we would relate with each other on that a lot, as well as our suicidal ideation. I’m still sober after hearing about this and I want it to stay that way, but this is indeed a trying time.",2.5211538461538474,3.708853166666668,3.3979487179487187,93.85538461538464,75.02564102564101,6.7384615384615385,20.69230769230769,7.1686216300943375,0.2316769230769231,289,6,67,3,6,92,58,78,0.16399999999999998,0.609,0.228,0.2739,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,13,9,7,3,2,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,6,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,6,8,11,4,2,9,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,5,44,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741262025750934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664009531844537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4136684013254729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4619187848206277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715713395151996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19733095532061232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22461718581785267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245002590037744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943139760147413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18702255591770145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124193395269996,0.15915528632662246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21799370110082852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620908744874082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530655823415452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32887444752622635,0.11754790834447625,0.15818914835465128,0.0,0.0,0.1791879347891746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157170816748849,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lisnue,2020/01/28,My psych said I’ll probably feel empty for the rest of my life She said the chronic emptiness I experience will likely be forever. Any stories about it going away/ getting better? Please send hope I need hope that I can be better,2.7734090909090905,5.5591058863636365,3.9329090909090887,82.53936363636366,81.04545454545455,6.247272727272727,24.70909090909091,7.554174236665415,1.6009054545454542,185,7,32,3,5,60,35,44,0.091,0.64,0.26899999999999996,0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,4,12,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,6,5,4,7,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,1,19,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625474736817368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22457500184510412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4228022998142281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23381559087833276,0.0,0.0,0.1208599150522303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248824466140788,0.0,0.13584531892184487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.474818167314477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16883279152675715,0.11677717733943754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772364917723145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623813479007544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577129877052821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4547413929260498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Supgaba,2020/01/28,DAE feel like they have to hold back when expressing their feelings because they don’t know whether or not what they’re going to say is rational? I have this problem that’s been building up for weeks where I feel these emotions I want to express to my partner but I cannot gauge the magnitude of the words I want to say and whether or not it will cause an explosive reaction so I just dilute and muffle the truth of my feelings or how badly I am feeling them. Sometimes I go off on tangents and when they begin to get confused I dismiss myself and invalidate myself in order to preserve the peace which ends up making me feel worse. Relate?,6.821190476190478,6.588182547619053,6.695079365079366,79.12214285714286,64.7936507936508,9.104761904761906,35.460317460317455,8.418075326091056,2.8292031746031747,515,22,96,6,7,163,87,126,0.102,0.789,0.109,-0.4353,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,5,0,7,5,0,1,5,0,8,0,0,3,1,30,22,14,0,3,9,0,6,1,1,1,0,2,0,1,6,4,0,1,7,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,8,19,2,15,20,0,15,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,4,7,72,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15526207760974536,0.1685926607369454,0.12308702097370125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20742487150331987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271299863511018,0.1788389539738603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6125732654729998,0.1442498872319703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549354885996744,0.0,0.22950871283561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109685657750085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864668091791064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478148504403353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19320775770361068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321145767103618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997015495943842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381923210486674,0.0,0.1619660220549812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057711612359901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,missfromme,2020/01/28,"Supporting a BPD partner My BPD partner is going through an incredibly low period right now. He is going to therapy regularly and is getting professional help, but I am struggling to cope at home. I love him dearly, but I struggle with depression myself and I have a hard time juggling the pain I feel seeing him suffering and my own feelings of worthlessness and isolation. Does anyone here have advice as a partner on how best to help and support while keeping yourself stable?",8.419767441860465,9.006705162790698,8.680790697674421,63.46072093023258,61.32558139534883,11.531162790697675,41.61860465116279,11.20814326018867,5.250607441860466,388,21,57,10,5,128,63,86,0.23,0.525,0.245,0.4317,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,12,0,2,5,0,6,2,0,1,0,12,16,10,0,0,2,0,3,0,3,0,1,0,1,3,0,6,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,4,10,5,9,16,2,10,0,4,1,1,9,4,0,0,4,43,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17311608273260973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238725172356647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18591567757011387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4462468856316752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258534009872946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503156454758696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791521279171039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255738778542803,0.0,0.20136517506163035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869816144895746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374896345192969,0.0,0.17770323645455746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157465565876223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15989139795620996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18850787896752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129138328296354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117144738030485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704065916206621,0.0,0.0,0.4020720545847604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20259483479886886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033018579357542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SalinePandora,2020/01/28,Being a Male with BPD I’m not sure if it is different for females who live with BPD. But my greatest struggle is that non of my friends who are guys get it. I often times feel like I have to pretend to be normal because they won’t get my clingyness. At the same time I will become really close to friends who are girls and they become my FP. But then they always misread something like my need for attention and decide that I’m just trying to get with them and leave. It just sucks and I’m not sure what to really do.,2.3633333333333333,3.9463597777777792,3.6214814814814815,90.47166666666668,76.22222222222223,6.651851851851853,23.11111111111111,7.3871296695380915,0.8038999999999996,408,12,88,5,9,133,67,108,0.115,0.753,0.132,0.7163,1,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,4,0,3,8,1,1,2,0,10,0,0,0,2,24,19,8,0,3,7,0,1,2,2,2,0,0,0,3,9,8,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,12,6,12,15,2,5,0,0,0,0,12,2,1,2,5,60,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476543704022934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605669558987006,0.384294853266259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4382438622737542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18177224577331375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879696004621039,0.12429146678513625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26883329244727416,0.0,0.2726923710468338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226771944728184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842198771633957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16999584401831014,0.0,0.15362767581221454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290040900804667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704636251568612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22291230128070194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393843323165527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818818467424323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279484987466327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028984701494852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181211137167382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thoughts90,2020/01/28,"I have phenomenal progress with my bpd but being stuck in the same toxic environment gives me agony and makes me want to stop my progress. The last couple months I have come to terms with my bpd. I was on medication for a bit, go to therapy regularly, and for the most part I feel like the major bpd symptoms don’t affect me as strongly anymore ever since I had received advice from my therapist on how to control how I feel. I’ve went through some big stressful life events recently and it would’ve traumatized me if I wasn’t in treatment. Those life events did hurt me greatly but thankfully the support I received from my bf/friends along with my new coping skills, I recovered pretty quickly and I am so proud of myself that I can be able to say I made it this far with my progress. The problem is I live with my family who are all emotionally exhausting to deal with. They never take my mental disorder seriously. They gaslight, control, and belittle me. They’re not educated on what mental disorders even are and are the type to think you can pray away everything. They scold me and say the reason I have mental health problems is because I don’t have a strong connection with god. I feel so stuck. I’m stuck at a shitty job I hate and I’m in the process of job transitioning to a job I’d love so I can’t afford to move out at the moment. I have to worry about bills and savings so moving out isn’t something realistic at the time being. I feel like even though I was working on myself and becoming much more mindful and healthy, being stuck in the same environment will worsen me. Being around these people makes me want to die. They’re the reason why I have bpd in the first place that’s another thing I’m very frustrated about. I just feel like all my progress is pointless the longer I’m around my negative and abusive family. There’s no point to this post. Progress fucking sucks. Progress is hard. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that progress is not a linear line.",5.194243556954554,6.081994992327367,5.575767263427113,81.87224031084007,68.38618925831203,8.879834743261851,30.63948455636435,9.057496981413335,2.4308885697422786,1586,61,313,28,26,507,197,391,0.212,0.623,0.165,-0.9756,4,0,1,0,0,2,28.0,0,1,3,15,18,21,4,1,20,0,32,8,0,10,4,64,62,24,1,6,7,0,6,3,0,1,6,2,0,0,14,25,0,3,9,0,1,7,10,10,0,2,11,8,49,11,47,45,12,43,1,1,0,2,12,21,2,4,17,208,63,6,0.0809199361902855,0.09587689225960112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790740251129999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485160863472571,0.0,0.0,0.08025083286527443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407179846418067,0.0,0.0,0.07602694377218408,0.0,0.0,0.049328042029904685,0.08936971196566633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834361224006515,0.0,0.4076633075800321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970535988710977,0.0,0.0,0.18151717839848114,0.0,0.0895363702727662,0.0,0.0,0.08342490102970983,0.0,0.0,0.08398211815520594,0.0,0.18548251489712705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102403668842264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689370935917868,0.07319671503789013,0.0,0.0,0.07272562090022228,0.0,0.1525682283006132,0.0,0.2045777555492242,0.17342765574872315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883045638548828,0.0,0.0,0.0625185419700339,0.07480917708143882,0.0,0.07762577629820172,0.04598866453760053,0.0,0.0,0.08921451532225975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248836853121532,0.07989168408177251,0.0,0.08601410818346443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662646531762877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409016515536128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659605482350951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431228803603788,0.11860018019614688,0.0,0.07145378617797814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303340173697452,0.07656840018545187,0.1080293715212358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151832250265519,0.24464478932308675,0.0,0.08170606787140079,0.0,0.06458952104586256,0.17201017198409352,0.059485463867050774,0.0,0.06241044334577656,0.07815297861661631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05483344298694642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762840530386315,0.0,0.056099694984181735,0.0,0.08454411038837434,0.0,0.07649549533465859,0.0,0.07749893053391839,0.0823246663477073,0.0,0.1548589009160218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639834319990904,0.07989867473406591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287015622938664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693780742015176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622961202696733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765269000996732,0.0926935135060464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182698464410756,0.0,0.08410679739189728,0.060841721404780336,0.0,0.0,0.07450020530771714,0.09253899927595896,0.09395428282045844,0.10751921993205532,0.05185022770691899,0.07950342645399866,0.0,0.04718506553344442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676742197827344,0.09545734985656712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501359155054403,0.07301765612080463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058910677298316436,0.08217812314841141,0.0,0.057483200963187625,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Choicesinlife,2020/01/28,"I feel happiest when I'm not aware of who I am The second reality snaps back into place in back to being a miserable, fat waste of space. It hurts even more when other people make me aware of the sorry state I'm in. I feel like a different person stuck inside this ugly shell.",2.2836842105263138,4.091671754385967,4.382315789473683,83.94821052631579,77.0701754385965,7.3670175438596495,18.417543859649122,8.238735603445708,0.7749396491228064,218,4,44,4,5,75,43,57,0.244,0.652,0.10400000000000001,-0.7906,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,4,0,2,1,1,1,0,5,8,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,2,4,1,7,6,1,10,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,0,5,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.467013042374527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31727464175026954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20057377850742908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30709334478196715,0.21694472898820874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32508924185832105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835975173351346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027047182261203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21052927929150225,0.2651563779723807,0.31727464175026954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33993812241445337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Nakeddream,2020/01/28,"Dear Mom For the first time in my life I haven't thought about killing myself for an entire week. I realized how stupid it is to feel so attached to you and this hell hole I call a home. Will it be terrifying to live on my own? Yes. I don't think I'm ready at all. But I'd rather find out and fail, than to stay here a second longer than I have to. I'm not the crazy one, you are. I've never truly wanted to kill myself. I've only ever wanted to escape you. To hurt you in the most permanent way possible. To be unable to be your victim anymore. But then I had an epiphany. You wouldn't care. Maybe at first my absence would feel weird. But then you'd get exactly what you want: Sympathy. People will feel bad for you. You poor thing. A mother outliving her daughter, just goes against nature doesn't it? All that attention, custom made for you. You can't help yourself. Lying to everyone about how much you cared about me and loved me, and how hard you tried to help. I can't give you that satisfaction. When I'm finally far away from you and can start my own life from scratch, I'll be able to fully recover. Don't think I don't know who you are and the sick twisted games you play. One day I will beat you. Until then, game on bitch. — love, Your daughter",0.5509195402298843,2.8083761800766283,1.9991685823754783,96.22518965517244,86.04980842911877,5.319080459770115,17.895402298850573,6.742157984588678,-0.11944045977011575,977,24,222,12,30,314,148,261,0.188,0.691,0.121,-0.9674,0,0,0,0,0,2,35.0,0,20,0,4,12,16,6,0,9,1,23,5,0,4,5,38,44,18,2,6,6,4,5,0,0,5,3,0,1,0,9,7,0,0,10,3,1,0,10,10,0,5,3,5,38,6,34,31,6,25,1,2,0,2,34,9,2,1,14,146,47,1,0.13613602019172172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350103511903293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790427229387102,0.0,0.11366789045472535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901009753528232,0.0,0.2775994911511853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779647077170677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314282419765656,0.0,0.1300838012741683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20650338671599025,0.0,0.0,0.14913035584393464,0.12442585614328032,0.2315944584599207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112545174315077,0.13059407541646978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195113425231775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18249820942072995,0.0,0.13655552810491284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573642524737862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30122867222540106,0.0,0.07481679643286819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19231379416367111,0.0,0.0,0.12021059995680007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457361466562425,0.12881519393666901,0.0,0.0,0.13676693020736533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944086150316422,0.0,0.0,0.10007563885215894,0.0,0.10499649129128863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18449858101961075,0.10353757787981953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943795752774314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15347290795326274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635777577995117,0.14510288405052188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044272267620536,0.17446092961457113,0.0,0.10807679349120848,0.07938200815066708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924274215071185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24088965561521203,0.1080584362180367,0.10920010379964776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670712281096397,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Altered_Conscious,2020/01/29,"BPD, limerance and feeling so alone As we all know BPD tends to make relationships a tad more difficult, be it romantic or not. But how on earth do you cope with BPD and limerance ? We are old friends who share so much in common, even BPD. However we are opposites in the sense that I just want to love someone and be loved back, and she has hidden away from relationships in order to cope with her mind better. She knows how my mind can work at times and is actually the first person to try and help me deal with the not no nice aspects of becoming obsessed with people etc. She had made it clear to me where we stand, so there is no need for me to feel how I do. Now that is where the limerance comes into it. I'll accept I'm lonely becuase of the BPD, and the more time I am spending alone, the harder I am trying to reach out which comes off as needy/desperate. Now I feel a connection to someone which i have not felt in a very long time. She even acknowledges the connection but is insistent she will never have another relationship again, and states facts from the start so wired dont get crossed. But no matter what I am still stuck in that limerance state of mind and it is starting to take its toll on me. I was ok being alone, untill I realised what I have been missing from my life for so long, a true meaningful connection with another, someone i can show myself to without fear or embarrassment. I'm just getting pushed to the point of doing something stupid now as I just cannot cope with my feelings anymore about anything. I have tried time and time again to cry for help, to ask for help, for anything, I am just getting to the point now I feel I am better off ending this journey round the karmic wheel and starting in another life. I am just sick of the pain and isolation",6.632887344766409,5.957822806179774,6.533660555884095,81.5918243642815,65.32022471910112,9.854287403903015,32.21998817267889,9.134995656068208,2.475047191011235,1413,48,291,21,19,447,176,356,0.10400000000000001,0.752,0.14400000000000002,0.809,1,6,1,0,0,0,29.0,4,1,0,4,28,18,1,3,17,1,32,6,0,5,5,67,61,29,0,2,14,0,7,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,14,26,0,0,11,1,1,5,10,8,0,1,6,7,36,10,53,51,5,51,0,2,1,2,25,18,0,2,24,208,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.07609581620457408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422867819262751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453019260748518,0.0,0.0,0.07733376808331724,0.0,0.0,0.12833940480220754,0.0,0.07289941786743935,0.0,0.07326341456956516,0.05996069157853395,0.0,0.0,0.08612118194995468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379313811321724,0.0,0.0,0.4910562694314727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434323216865918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856557755231948,0.0,0.08039246096593408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139027978078217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690658499907977,0.0,0.08696669588666175,0.10300819360997887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774754801468422,0.1971414892255296,0.0,0.07487163661613112,0.0,0.0,0.06632851474725976,0.0,0.0,0.06024603425280855,0.0,0.12222172169980955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15680213493112868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570994346825493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101571118507056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801712571768193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075737162117027,0.07378518939975506,0.0520512876011832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23620831877375484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057323206536011334,0.05782010672107885,0.06014186494216131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182537076254381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297467503729226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05406050811628185,0.06808786203847694,0.0,0.0,0.1474298691842925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251159339947561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982129169535355,0.0600316974343825,0.0,0.0,0.16558085701190564,0.0,0.06227377071451627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863016500783319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273495977970396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882695029718208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434047027844664,0.045993769111710735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516853947525999,0.0,0.05676931307949694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BPDisposable,2020/01/29,"I was abusive in my last relationship; Now, she's friendly with me, but I don't feel right; What should I do? CW: Abusive Relationships I [then-23, now 26M] was extremely abusive to my last girlfriend [then-21, now 24F]. I demanded to know where she was at all times, gaslit her into making her think *she* was abusive, and outright choked her the night we broke up. Since then, she's been friendly. She regularly messages me to make sure I'm taking my medication and going to therapy. We've hung out in person a few times, and it's generally been nice. I still don't feel right. I'm making personal progress, taking my medication and going to therapy. She herself has told me she's incredibly proud of me, but I'm still really torn up with guilt for how I treated her. In the months after we broke up, I would regularly beg her for forgiveness, and she was very kind and gracious about it before finally just asking me to stop apologizing, say it's in the past, etc. We only dated for about six months, and have been friends for about three years since then... but I still don't feel right. I feel like I should go no-contact, but I just don't know what to do. I'm planning to talk to my therapist about this ASAP, but I'm really lost and hurting right now. What do?",3.4904399999999995,5.139942964000003,4.6722,83.82910000000003,73.36,8.040000000000001,26.9,8.697196308434329,1.9111200000000002,991,36,202,19,20,326,121,250,0.17800000000000002,0.677,0.145,-0.8661,0,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,3,0,0,4,15,15,0,1,4,0,20,2,0,4,2,41,43,16,0,3,7,0,4,1,4,3,2,1,0,2,7,15,0,1,8,0,0,3,4,5,0,2,10,5,39,10,31,30,3,40,0,4,0,0,32,15,0,0,23,132,46,0,0.0,0.4617743651684141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108782186469908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290932557009091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866488560293296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970626309841867,0.06960701004920995,0.0,0.10673440064193193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22583225751074756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16612229916380372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043053234363306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146272295317132,0.10709457346924718,0.15884375040520485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04760142722976342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636093615395208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19511424994365328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963094064487059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555420934834188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914353938316787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410309763147628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301196627192043,0.0,0.17015156581323312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483768352465766,0.0,0.0,0.2092157284291762,0.0,0.3328330886337346,0.0,0.07748358444847515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16119714979659652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334332275739839,0.08145935179224523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918305779082256,0.0,0.1465167811310264,0.0783139170814893,0.0,0.0,0.222848992269548,0.11312861285386047,0.0,0.06243189943612967,0.0,0.0,0.11362932803005188,0.0,0.0,0.09310255101082586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039341694156073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921445826787889,0.0,0.0,0.06274442858243623 bpd,SHThrowAway213,2020/01/29,"I've gone off the rails a bit recently, and in worried about how it's affecting my husband. He found my alcohol and something else I'm not going to mention, but it was my intention to use it to kill myself. He found that a couple weeks ago. This week, I've tried to hang myself twice. He seems to be handling it well, as well as one can. He has been more clingy, getting more snappy over stuff, and been a bit more depressed. He's also been having sleeping problems. We've been having money issues. Instead of asking me to take extra shifts and stay later to get more money, he's been asking me to come home, and once even asked me to call in sick. I'm worried about what I'm doing to him. I hate being this way. I know I make him stressed and worried, but I can't help it. He's very understanding and caring towards me and my mental health, but I know it's taking a toll on him. I'm sorry.",2.3438709677419363,3.751923924731184,3.9008387096774193,89.18125806451613,75.88172043010752,6.035268817204301,22.615053763440862,6.42735559955562,0.4589789247311829,694,19,147,5,15,231,106,186,0.196,0.753,0.05,-0.9836,1,0,2,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,0,0,8,8,2,1,5,0,14,4,1,5,0,25,38,15,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,11,9,1,0,6,0,2,4,2,5,2,2,9,0,18,3,21,27,7,17,0,1,0,0,17,6,0,1,5,94,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768497584045884,0.1298255198022751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714776969556033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407031075826995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26525009721622256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404499118068148,0.0,0.12385728462232933,0.0,0.0,0.10464454088827972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441566581351633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463082341983244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148122110198933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802366070403504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663938058853989,0.0,0.0,0.12693690876609606,0.0,0.0690400665658461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993666792723325,0.0,0.12912790171875926,0.0,0.0,0.08142569920986796,0.0,0.12185466796861935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267938946962437,0.0,0.0,0.13439997759905314,0.0,0.13352481608505373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108905831343129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242359220240548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937257835011107,0.08231821019195068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624026197601932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994716258074245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059112276009687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156805373806605,0.0,0.0,0.09352148694589166,0.0,0.1359872748530425,0.0,0.12948185988985453,0.0,0.0,0.1391552985289948,0.0,0.13906590489468595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826761676165803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247716452967496,0.0,0.0,0.12646529954213312,0.0,0.10491999424735958,0.0,0.10023398818291587,0.0,0.096425425241231,0.19488837362075448,0.0,0.2184507975402612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701074916700751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kxng27,2020/01/29,"Constant feeling of guilt & self hatred Most of the time i wouldn't even allow myself happiness because i keep thinking about my past or i keep convincing myself that im a piece of shit and thinking this way is reasonable , it's always in the back of my head, what's the best way to deal with this?",7.267814207650275,5.877923868852459,7.235081967213116,79.40650273224045,64.40983606557378,10.100546448087432,33.448087431693985,8.841846274778883,2.604241530054644,240,8,48,3,3,77,46,61,0.16899999999999998,0.6559999999999999,0.175,0.1114,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,1,4,0,2,2,2,2,0,12,7,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,7,3,8,6,3,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,4,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748322672865793,0.2311111635570778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401503244982682,0.0,0.13002609555372185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238458710191702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305022246082025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21990360262571715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088306666218586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785121685990733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22706250666067984,0.0,0.0,0.2189080026217441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304013029783784,0.0,0.0,0.3791828339575793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20361960448532224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21930859185304435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22251909555092605,0.0,0.218950050494734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733488857398749,0.0,0.0,0.1243773234713189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386162529369747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hairam111,2020/01/29,"The simple root of triggers and spirals Assuming. Assuming you know what someone either IS thinking and feeling, or what they’re PROBABLY Thinking or feeling. Assuming someone is either absolutely evil or absolutely amazing . we take that assumption and assume that it’s TRUE Then we emotionally react as if whatever devastating assumption we made is a fact . Pay attention to your assumptions and stop yourself in your tracks before you get to The point of believing your own lie . This goes hand in hand with imagining different scenarios and reacting to those thoughts as if they were a fact ... Getting your thoughts on a leash is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT and takes non stop discipline. We can break these terribly destructive and torturous thought cycles and escape our SELF INDUCED pain . I’d also like to point out that we can’t expect the average person to Even BEGIN to understand how excruciating the emotions of a person with bpd are . They simply cannot relate . I would compare the emotions of bpd to the level of pain that one experiences when a loved one literally dies . We can’t let ourselves get hurt by them not understanding something they’ve never experienced. This doesn’t mean they don’t love you and don’t care , most people just don’t know how to react . Anyone can change . Takes hard work . Consistency is key . We all know having bpd hurts so much that death sounds beautiful. But the longer we let our thoughts run wild without even trying to build new thought habits , the more destruction our lives will endure . Don’t believe the lies you tell yourself , shut that shit down . You got this !! WE GOT THIS YALL",6.283923574544908,8.598838301038064,6.091749661501428,73.76780953813751,67.37370242214533,9.731969309462915,32.980442304799155,10.074871250255047,3.751475282082143,1315,59,212,34,23,411,172,289,0.188,0.706,0.106,-0.9832,1,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,12,10,4,1,8,17,5,0,14,0,22,7,3,9,5,73,50,23,2,4,11,0,5,1,0,2,2,1,0,3,15,21,0,3,22,0,1,1,11,11,0,2,9,7,27,6,25,37,7,18,0,2,0,2,32,9,1,10,8,138,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317908538633741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398467064853945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786674990863658,0.2061968412100084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457541750454359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329872250800167,0.0,0.096803556474252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949710784738572,0.09560660672261244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088032710261276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088062414847472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895125919887478,0.0,0.0,0.09253860466040922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342779429288918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637495576349865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197338537588647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959228706375134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087156320887254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18714669663467576,0.0,0.04470629092574931,0.0,0.0808034291516892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16517947105731556,0.08658728432154321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996792712052679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726906609489078,0.0,0.07057677566105239,0.0883792029566029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401666762633926,0.0,0.19474238224197146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344027337886228,0.159802885026983,0.0,0.0,0.1730096799153928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866133148780463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546302402561813,0.0,0.0939318662923718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550692249223951,0.07044749354635374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300992813803804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064083649571454,0.0,0.07998221210852738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726953672067912,0.0,0.3632365003147379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062128070304180265,0.0,0.0,0.19052655521798226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882106524700618,0.0,0.06661906938697132,0.0,0.0,0.06500480947044301,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,leosunpiscesmoon,2020/01/29,"DAE feel like their name isn’t theirs? I respond to my name, I know what my name is, but it almost takes me a split second to acknowledge that yes, that is my name, it doesn’t feel like me or mine. When I say my own name out loud referring to myself, it doesn’t feel like my name. I don’t have a preferred name i’d like to go by, and I think that going by anything else would be weirder. When I say my name referring to someone else, it feels normal. I don’t know if this is just a common thing or if it has something to do with the disconnect I feel from myself because of BPD. Anyone else experience this?",3.8294767441860458,3.832619108527133,4.877044573643413,88.81696220930235,71.09302325581395,8.000387596899225,25.42732558139535,7.645422480735847,1.0145883720930229,471,12,109,5,8,155,68,129,0.013999999999999999,0.861,0.125,0.9282,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,0,3,4,0,0,4,1,13,0,0,0,0,32,24,8,0,5,6,0,5,4,0,1,0,3,0,0,12,3,0,0,12,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,8,21,4,12,22,1,6,0,0,0,0,13,1,0,5,7,73,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588219753944647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583167381268182,0.1697358289765666,0.13632212300109747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098335993337436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20863999880649545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4151571051784199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204495939848967,0.0,0.0,0.41880740189251536,0.3550375539385359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882941091008756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18208221354780013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237278213921357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623093150227029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26347520911594197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403611810261484,0.12753134478419825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455392913954046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005557528081114,0.10614672692625697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767843470188682,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,salamiis,2020/01/29,"DAE get extremely disturbing nightmares regularly? I frequently wake up from bizarre and terrifying nightmares a couple times a week and sometimes more than once a night, they usually involve people who I love very much telling me how much they hate me and/or dismissing me, or morbid dreams in which they are viciously trying to hurt me verbally or physically, and the more disturbing ones involve me trying to do the same to them. Last night I dreamt that I jumped off a bridge to try kill myself, ended up disabled, and had my parents and friends get extremely pissed off w me for attempting, rolling their eyes and calling me useless whilst I lay immobile on the ground??? They are so vivid and the emotions I feel are so strong and real. I woke up in a panic in the middle of the night then went back to sleep. Then had another nightmare where I was cooking with my friend and accidentally decapitated her? Like wtf?! I’ve had worse dreams than these. I woke up this morning drenched in sweat and the whole day I’ve been feeling anxious, disturbed and distant from everyone I love. Im 22 and live alone. Literally dread going to sleep at night these days. Are adult nightmares a BPD thing? Anyone else get these?",7.050089285714287,7.916843116071429,6.453571428571429,77.29142857142857,64.26785714285714,9.792857142857144,34.75,9.784248007369934,3.3186821428571434,974,42,175,19,14,300,138,224,0.20800000000000002,0.6829999999999999,0.109,-0.9774,1,1,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,6,2,5,17,4,5,13,0,10,9,6,1,0,20,22,19,1,0,2,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,8,13,1,0,2,3,0,3,0,11,0,1,8,4,27,6,25,14,6,34,0,2,2,2,18,15,1,2,17,111,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469313816410645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624488515960525,0.0,0.1360123289642613,0.0,0.08418313684355214,0.12335913008643455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257649228705228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163356439940148,0.0,0.12293698016169186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321502048774686,0.0,0.15528991313438045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005747571639352,0.13542841724972038,0.10663442933438104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504279171188207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175088096067935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860340959552016,0.0,0.1887045992695556,0.0,0.06842337778398863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118865353814673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888557261047526,0.0,0.13004749704652552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319947240562052,0.0,0.0,0.09813817287603273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058819022878816914,0.0,0.10631118461278184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21732277238940453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17700867845393553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4519310310390349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821697955484632,0.08158291662557578,0.0,0.0,0.14125784955264728,0.133684643506017,0.0,0.0,0.08346688606995317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703611772545946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409643350923089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907395064109635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052307285281911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998523417043135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020342071723876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452213533912448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259832503512806,0.09933866494312316,0.0,0.0,0.09657378300209192,0.0,0.0,0.11160757471876984,0.0,0.1344169630758437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269301438141865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lyricalcombat,2020/01/29,"I'm not feeling very well. I've been saying that line over and over and over for the last few weeks. I thought maybe this was just a blip but it seems a whole lot worse than that, especially this week. I feel hopeless and completely lost. I don't know who to talk to about this. I'm currently waiting for my referral to go through to see a psychiatrist about a possible PTSD diagnosis. I cry all the time, I feel anxious all the time, my mind is racing all the fucking time. I'm rapidly spiralling and I can't stop. I can't remember the last time I slept for more than 2 hours or the last time I even slept without having a vivid nightmare combined with night sweats and horrific anxiety attacks that I wouldn't wish upon anyone. I can't even sleep to escape this one thing that traumatised me for months upon months. It haunts me 24/7 and I'm so poorly from it. I slipped up at work this week, which was of course followed by dissociation and then one of the most extreme panic attacks I've experienced. Everyone gathered around me as if I was some sort of freak, not one person asked me if I was ok. I'm aware that it's been a topic of conversation between my colleagues though. Ever since I've felt uncomfortable there and I do not want to be there, which hurts because work was my happy place once. My best friend told me that she is pregnant this week. I couldn't even be happy for her because I'm so consumed by the negative shit in my head. I feel like an absolute waste of a friend for this and I'm full of guilt because of it. And of course because I'm clearly a selfish arsehole, my abandonment fears have been triggered by the thought of her not having time for me anymore and it's killing me because I do not want to feel like that and I know this isn't and will not be the case!!! Deep down I'm so excited and happy but this illness won't let me fully feel those emotions at all. Instead I'm just sad. The thing that hurts the most is I was doing SO well 2/3 months ago and nothing could get in the way of the progress that I had made. I cannot even pinpoint where things started to go downhill. I so desperately want to get back to where I was and I'm so angry that I've gone back to square one. How many times is this going to happen? I'm tired. I feel like I'm constantly battling and surviving rather than living. I don't want to die but I don't want to live like this anymore.",3.5215832769889563,4.6397143874239415,4.327303921568628,88.42925653594774,72.46855983772821,7.425039441063782,27.28470813612801,7.793537801064563,1.3998835249042152,1895,67,410,24,36,609,220,493,0.23800000000000002,0.643,0.11900000000000001,-0.9968,2,0,0,0,0,2,39.0,0,0,0,6,28,31,6,3,23,1,38,9,6,3,6,76,88,33,2,12,16,0,8,4,2,3,2,1,0,1,34,19,0,3,14,0,1,5,19,17,2,4,20,13,45,14,57,59,13,51,0,6,3,1,13,17,2,9,32,270,79,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635394583412798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05483454060100497,0.08097731306189092,0.14217339704169235,0.05011989926665799,0.0,0.0,0.06380985802336134,0.06701055785494266,0.16309131844505678,0.0,0.1102340597383664,0.0,0.2184754679300532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522310226552628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515448138068269,0.07745996088821851,0.0,0.05723016390662946,0.0,0.07873644905840511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439189477900744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806296710351059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893742561836752,0.06483811605232978,0.0,0.06849273320225864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065924687573772,0.2537027891049922,0.15362332126924552,0.06882345955468096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075864477189117,0.06626644519326824,0.07489905034165283,0.0,0.1222111552480357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338585183571667,0.22891214496970055,0.0,0.0,0.07356373826769097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058976487269644,0.0,0.15346854865167278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930262983367345,0.0,0.07878624128339841,0.17528482032814746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732970373086687,0.0,0.14007572595581427,0.0,0.12658843715016113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824652648119193,0.06093925792853586,0.0,0.06782477621564942,0.0,0.07267165550198346,0.07201158614547025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237575495134026,0.0,0.17164142649713973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726625604736007,0.0,0.06877831223127,0.0,0.0,0.07633621578519559,0.19428725117492215,0.0,0.0,0.08410032526301232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258768247841673,0.07488971107603414,0.0,0.0,0.0808077472771779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837893763562909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119878091101501,0.0,0.0,0.05700233151041144,0.0,0.0,0.05711919705779619,0.06525422866734233,0.0,0.0,0.07357786839855096,0.0592939358487556,0.0,0.0717311605062194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05073504436228239,0.0,0.0,0.059927183396794564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057613182135713335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286181400767514,0.0,0.07042464116475489,0.11381086514142187,0.2925778195629951,0.08238491951831327,0.0,0.06849273320225864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591430073398954,0.21139182013988195,0.05689576695668859,0.229987546549148,0.0,0.12889676801797412,0.0,0.0,0.08002748414580346,0.08242776619447753,0.0690963784174232,0.0,0.10436690579385573,0.0,0.07304742674233483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,euphoric_undertones,2020/01/29,"DAE feel like a fog has lifted whenever they're away from their SO/FP? My boyfriend work really close to home (like 5 min walk) so I don't get separation anxiety when he's there most of the time. It's nice because I can spend some time on my own without being anxious or paranoid. However, I've just realised that I feel a bit more 'awake' and aware of how I've been for the past couple days. It's kind of like a fog has cleared and I feel more in control of how I behave and feel. So sometimes when I'm alone I have this thought like ""okay, I'm going to be calm and nice and normal when he gets home. No acting like a child or talking about BPD or drama."" Not that I'm not calm and nice, but it describes the demeanor I want to have. And then he gets home from work and I jump on him like a child and talk his ear off and do all the things I decided not to do. I don't even remember that thought until the next time I'm alone. Thoughts? Suggestions? Anecdotes?",1.2084210526315786,3.0029716274509823,2.537564499484006,95.99298761609907,80.27450980392156,5.863364293085656,22.01135190918473,6.8360192770164,0.3201509803921567,748,23,176,8,19,241,114,204,0.037000000000000005,0.828,0.134,0.9079,1,2,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,3,11,13,0,0,10,1,12,1,1,3,2,38,28,23,0,2,9,0,4,6,0,0,0,1,3,2,8,11,0,1,9,1,1,4,7,0,0,0,4,5,15,13,19,22,7,22,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,5,18,99,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26639393504723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838319150343088,0.14528810510824774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082951335819338,0.0,0.0,0.07839698687936181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040437699637592,0.0,0.16197467839983287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424249643496334,0.0,0.1423000256374314,0.0,0.08294019150148836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849430099520011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260108108209586,0.09187610868485006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20157388570479487,0.0,0.07308971899123658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.387006728814602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339232952962071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769821946344639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677387537703428,0.0,0.12600651482212816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276892106339744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238825781604266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568545892161824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271945623469449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20673716489843436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544007148289445,0.0,0.0,0.3062962509849433,0.22497347216526545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585511502470639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397153610712087,0.0,0.18725331090216613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HoshinoMiki,2020/01/29,"How to keep calm when I'm convinced I'll be left Hi everyone, I don't typically post at all... But here it goes. I have a partner I'd been with for over a year now, and I'm fairly convinced he will always leave once he betters himself. This is due to the fact that I'm always left once I help my previous partners out in aspects they struggle with and I get cheated on or left. He always casually reassures me it just won't happen but I don't really have much evidence to support it. It makes me panic and feel so uncomfortable and I'm just hoping someone may have some advice for me? I'd like to add that during when I'm able to think logically this isn't an issue, it's only when certain topics arise. Thanks in advance everyone. <3",2.4326546003016603,4.128596941176472,4.579084967320263,83.19511312217196,76.3202614379085,7.322071392659629,26.148315736551037,8.139509932561175,1.7005278029160382,584,22,118,10,13,202,97,153,0.08800000000000001,0.74,0.17300000000000001,0.8859999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,2,9,14,1,2,4,0,12,0,0,2,3,25,26,12,0,1,5,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,2,9,8,0,1,3,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,1,11,11,15,21,3,17,0,0,0,0,10,9,0,4,7,70,20,0,0.1528413958221283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493548430775436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815288555788483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351757940803858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920930071643339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772812020977726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985332102108593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515714155904685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244636586122123,0.0,0.0,0.15180599263232294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595267077970187,0.0,0.13585245524464368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16183696962025212,0.4981878713058929,0.0,0.0,0.07467058568158384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202281854415968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235601208566327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255421966940573,0.0,0.1162427688198,0.0,0.17932644647886384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463798079335146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791411189126993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950201869101294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597830123381448,0.0,0.0,0.17344260472646605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071582238387387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793459497774636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842484780744896 bpd,crunch667,2020/01/29,DAE try to see things from “their point of view” But then realize you can’t ever rationally do that because the way you think about things and the way you react to things is totally different from them so you have no idea how they see things...hope that makes sense,4.181730769230768,5.7818775576923045,4.003076923076924,89.51692307692308,71.5,8.276923076923078,22.615384615384606,8.841846274778883,1.2043692307692306,211,5,45,4,4,64,40,52,0.048,0.9520000000000001,0.0,-0.3535,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,4,3,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,3,2,10,8,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,6,8,1,5,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,0,2,32,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584609046451184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27158864741553645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23513638905276896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293447829890122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351623169150635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457333576033253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4142872297808272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5180904863457394,0.16656314847268305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648653329371725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4126666846330399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,westonhermann,2020/01/29,"DAE lie for no reason? I just can’t stop, none of the things I’m lying about are ever important, they’re things that literally have no impact. Or I’ll exaggerate points for no reason. It gets in the way of my relationships because someone will call me out, and I either realize it and apologize, or I feel attacked and I try and defend myself, but just end up digging myself deeper. Anyone else have this problem?",4.547666666666668,6.087539100000001,5.982500000000003,75.9191666666667,70.5,8.333333333333334,27.083333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.218208333333333,328,11,58,6,6,111,60,80,0.203,0.765,0.032,-0.8967,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,1,18,8,7,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,1,8,0,8,7,2,8,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,3,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16238984387044825,0.2379606014439548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26421016528795105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415732978150104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371462713662305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19400939101986708,0.0,0.20569853987510084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21007726864280105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742913896780376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121337485399907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21954488961785545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222253752277252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4775693749101873,0.0,0.24934227991639354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967789078932609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416571257706144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30858412209125097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767788650637307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18434384043410204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yltk,2020/01/29,Do you ever get overwhelming urges to be devastatingly self-destructive? Today's reason: realizing everything that comes out of my mouth is bullshit,8.904999999999998,12.112819500000004,9.248333333333337,50.13,62.33333333333334,13.133333333333333,37.0,12.161744961471696,6.361399999999999,124,6,15,5,2,41,24,24,0.265,0.735,0.0,-0.802,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,1,1,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,4,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612858470142045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793816893557393,0.0,0.0,0.3769399883900402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21912518422669208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4312248474299649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4375376368906718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3975530361877255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SquickyJudge,2020/01/29,"Sad there are other people that feel this way I just found out about all of this. I've spent the last 20 years knowing something was wrong but to weak to do anything about it. I've looked up ways to help myself before but could never relate. About a month ago someone told me about BPD. I had no clue what is was. Eventually I looked it up. What I read was as if someone was in my head. The first part I read was about idealizing and devaluing. I've seen this as an issue for years, but rationalised it as my quirk or whatever. Never considered that I could fix it. Running out of time and we could be here forever, sorry. Anyway it has turned into extreme sadness that there are other people like this.",2.5591153846153887,4.677217164285717,3.5285714285714285,88.94565934065935,77.35714285714286,6.3076923076923075,21.48351648351648,7.321109707123232,0.666758241758242,553,15,112,7,13,177,89,140,0.109,0.823,0.067,-0.631,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,2,10,6,0,0,4,0,15,2,1,0,3,22,24,10,0,5,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,16,6,0,0,3,2,1,1,3,4,0,1,10,4,11,2,20,10,2,18,0,2,3,0,3,6,0,2,10,84,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852052745430096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859373974428578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297099758102288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968117655162587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.374297453783554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901286872052757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291992083303525,0.0,0.17133778511718745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160374168939531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474191701168056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310127791020854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587979803117056,0.12737778172513928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634375531943152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624484453284284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473016270555724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24104420119533695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16922102957565607,0.0,0.21667056729343415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312616907363136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648076304230063,0.12030132893606668,0.0,0.17492717895599966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112005795924552,0.0,0.0,0.14931901809744766,0.0,0.0,0.16997271547241338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24807361770149924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085252126996334,0.0,0.2012605748241076 bpd,Grumpyocto,2020/01/29,"Help with splitting I have always had so much trouble with splitting, and am currently struggling with it with my partner. And I feel awful. When I am on the bad side I feel like I'm lying to them, but when I'm on the good side I don't want to leave their side. Does anyone have any coping strategies for splitting? It's something about my BPD that I have always struggled with. Thanks guys :D",3.7548523206751057,5.173750835443041,3.884240506329117,90.6657700421941,72.29113924050634,5.772995780590718,25.824894514767927,5.46131890053228,0.605454008438818,312,10,63,1,6,96,51,79,0.166,0.63,0.203,0.743,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,4,7,0,2,2,1,7,0,0,0,0,11,13,6,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,10,3,11,12,1,8,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3869487296807544,0.0,0.0,0.15812083631493398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625826324234463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19414358256485856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928494350313952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20347887033666506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351371007146906,0.16611156007252278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950258349821398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23023028344328586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558525281276539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462039589964811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113596997388978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092815725267455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17900442140763573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4861585126111007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140721779804012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714568103287975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LTBoogie,2020/01/29,"I avoid sad movies and tragic stories at all costs. They trigger my depressive thoughts and leave me feeling despair. At the times someone is telling a sad story, it often seems impossible to “empathize” continuously. Sometimes I tune them out or have to excuse myself because it feels like torture inside. The splits occur and it feels like I’m being broken up into a million pieces. A person (or movie) becomes a threat to my well being . A cycle of internalization/protection begins. So I’ve explored why this has been happening for so long. I used to just accept it without realizing this was me avoiding feelings (thank you, therapy). I’ve come up with some ideas that really make sense to me me. I come here because do not know how to break this cycle/free myself effectively. This unknown triggers a whole other set of fears. But I will digress and return to these discoveries. Maybe this can help someone or maybe I can get some advice. So My “bad” relationship with negative feelings is so deep that I just want to avoid them because when they are intense, it feels traumatic. Like when I start to feel anger or sadness, I take on these stories and feel as if I was part of the tragedy or I just begin to question life . I am aware I started to take on my mothers anxiety at a young age. She shared upsetting stories about her childhood and abandonment when I was very young. She also seemed disconnected from it the way she would describe these things. I think I internalized the pain she felt as a child and the anger I felt she should have had at her father. (This also spiraled me into long term patters sadistic thoughts about him and maladaptive ideas about right and wrong/justice). So. This is what I am dealing with right now and just do not know how to get to a state where I feel resilient and can also be there for others who are looking for support. I believe the root of this protective mechanism is just so deep that my mind starts panicking about how to “get rid of it”. I could keep going but think I will stop here for now and see what comes up in the comments. Thank you for reading. I hope this all made sense and everyone here is weathering their storm today if necessary",5.122709209911179,6.795558359903383,5.2377107682717785,81.29723001402527,69.26570048309179,7.8540127785569585,30.504597163783693,8.360895534625662,2.2936295153498527,1747,71,317,26,31,548,218,414,0.128,0.8059999999999999,0.067,-0.9654,0,3,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,2,5,1,33,28,4,5,17,0,30,2,0,10,2,91,76,39,0,7,17,2,11,3,0,4,2,0,0,2,28,22,0,7,26,1,1,5,4,18,1,1,10,13,50,10,48,58,8,49,0,7,2,0,28,18,0,14,25,235,78,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802823469858276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21611844424383125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891338126693036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521568721361767,0.16474159958942566,0.09948978781105527,0.0,0.10149288851916344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327960327474048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192408401784242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928717964850636,0.07758850545688721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607833284363987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136861495925988,0.40993883360497296,0.12871087449730087,0.17298794724703012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119422054474368,0.0,0.05119634354777197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966025294654963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06038085241980611,0.0,0.0,0.08947291746777437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20338587615837575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007006380399251,0.0,0.0,0.0990147127092316,0.0,0.0,0.09538507390244093,0.0,0.0,0.06362840961863478,0.13203026509250312,0.0,0.0,0.15944154784038167,0.07564717783147022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523887701919793,0.06013121791272226,0.0,0.18100131184789173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095832555132638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585484809008496,0.0,0.0,0.09755129851209313,0.0,0.0,0.07865715255339735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009137709807948,0.0,0.09010755142721276,0.0,0.057709587745962763,0.0,0.0,0.09671561580389533,0.0,0.15386107616675262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178462628412527,0.1640166759908846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265436139026378,0.0,0.08909456215180503,0.0,0.1912840018761011,0.0,0.0,0.07531356682143654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222531791398257,0.0,0.0,0.13546267117759989,0.0,0.0787366643388991,0.16587296646524602,0.1030179598849948,0.0,0.05984725776424076,0.11544332054014153,0.0,0.14303195496574028,0.052528222979801135,0.0,0.0853883154627138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780293875289154,0.0,0.07432805252703029,0.053133389788052925,0.07150383020969159,0.0,0.0,0.08099559165755946,0.0,0.08128605266972665,0.10057464631466073,0.0,0.08683696476444472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399250194209961,0.09849180888299956,0.0,0.0 bpd,writeyourdeath,2020/01/29,Should I give CBT a try? I know DBT would be better as it is tailored for BDP but there aren't any in my area. I found a group CBT session that I can afford but I'm not sure if paying for that would be a waste completely or if I could use those skills and build on them with DBT books and strategies?,1.8690909090909082,2.804479848484849,2.7883030303030303,98.58245454545455,76.27272727272728,5.8860606060606075,19.26060606060605,5.6839178017228535,-0.5118993939393937,234,4,59,1,5,74,50,66,0.106,0.862,0.032,-0.6759999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,3,0,9,0,0,1,1,17,14,8,0,6,6,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,7,2,6,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,0,38,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204051908601016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866480157332493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398220532909373,0.0,0.0,0.2587746126597122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553687196866097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109148248352535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781217952152706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054688368008847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22004869268545504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27992605835024964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604753784305326,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,morbicized,2020/01/29,"I lost my only support at work Because i got a night job as an exotic dancer, and she doesnt approve. It started off with her just saying sje didnt want to hear about it. Then suddenly I'm just too disruptive and need to stay to myself more. So now I sit at my desk alone with my thoughts wanting to walk out, but i need the paycheck. I've cried every day here at work this week and packed my stuff. I feel so stupid, i never should have told her.",3.7401403508771938,3.8693482947368456,4.496578947368422,91.02521929824564,71.31578947368422,7.596491228070175,25.307017543859647,7.1686216300943375,0.8240175438596493,348,9,81,3,6,112,70,95,0.163,0.8170000000000001,0.02,-0.9102,1,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,4,8,3,1,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,17,17,8,0,5,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,5,3,14,1,13,11,1,16,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,8,52,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21625050014499814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272805825666948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293534647239021,0.13465665343423727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592029726397376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557392847948986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16699386345486486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353291523455736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071985919113657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279263564167068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096403418493173,0.16103695302725338,0.0,0.0,0.19594163907522896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879936425048372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604358445928294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778743957298351,0.22254959223481785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23902236540628585,0.0,0.23694011803183526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576132499985655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19951427650356968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463075078603549,0.0,0.16748418704172532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040130934604122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,User1234512334,2020/01/29,Should I do dbt Will dbt help me? How long will it take? Who here has actual proof of it working? thank u,-2.747391304347825,-1.7811657391304312,-0.4568695652173904,106.53121739130437,119.43478260869566,3.5791304347826087,8.947826086956521,5.6839178017228535,-1.686314782608696,80,1,21,1,5,26,20,23,0.0,0.768,0.23199999999999998,0.6946,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,3,7,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,13,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.4803220920520242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299153323833518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43558685529769897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37007768519375,0.0,0.0,0.4531571903317785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583318582114278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lostchelekitty,2020/01/29,"DAE find mornings to be very hard? I have terrible nightmares, most mornings I wake up with my brain feeling scrambled. After peeling myself out of bed, I (usually try) to take a shower, then proceed to cry on the floor. This occurs 80% of my mornings (the other 20% being me waking up with an extreme amount of energy) , I've tried almost everything to counteract it but it's clear I am not in control. I usually stop crying after a short period of time, then feel so fuzzy and out of it--all of this makes me late to work most mornings. Living with a boyfriend I know it must effect him having to wake up to negativity so regularly.",3.6748780487804846,5.456541081300813,5.324073170731708,78.79928048780491,73.14634146341464,7.846829268292684,27.747154471544718,8.548686976883017,2.2082266666666674,495,19,90,9,10,168,83,123,0.136,0.826,0.037000000000000005,-0.9067,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,6,0,6,4,4,3,2,21,11,6,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,12,0,25,8,3,20,0,0,0,0,1,9,0,3,11,65,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20392501895408752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273395929524444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22840962811358104,0.0,0.0,0.4473976454675409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18302655617181016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059420688557833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18613146235132694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18242946970482046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192014393258698,0.0,0.2297249000717805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982576494650812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593726385687266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025965148199235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311867540545973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874934775979495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27652855539401555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4485811218625208,0.1680317219418345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825887017798894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Anonemooseaway2020,2020/01/29,"I feel adrift when dealing with my Partner with BPD (long post, sort of a rant I guess) I cross posted this to the BPD relationship sub. I find that sub has a habit of saying you should just leave, but I really am trying to make things work. I am hurt and angry and frustrated and I am sure that this comes out in the below. Honestly when things are good or normal it is fine. When they are bad, I feel like running away as fast as I can. I just don't know anymore. So I don't know where to start. My SO and I (note the choice of words) have been together for coming on 10 years now. We have a 7 year old son together. When we got together it was very quick, within weeks we spent essentially all our time together and where madly in love. I felt complete and happy for the first time in a long time. Over the following years, things became... strange. At the start everything was good, we would have arguments but they were never too bad. I worked full time and she... did not. This obviously caused some arguments over money coming in since I was having trouble finding decent work. Then she got pregnant. Well clearly she can't work full time while pregnant right? Morning sickness, mood swings then after our son was born, several months of ridiculously bad postpartum depression. About 4 years ago I got a better job, one that can comfortably support us but not really get us anywhere in life. Our son started school and it struggling with mental health issues but we stayed the course. My partner, had been pulling away from me for years at this stage. I responded in kind. Everything became a fight, frequently 30 minutes before I would go to work, in the car with the kid, when I get home and the kids running around etc. A fight broke out one of these mornings and I told her if she was so fucking miserable to leave, because I am tired of her being a bitch to me. This turned into a shouting match, she rushed to all her friends and complained about me. It was a whole thing. That evening she ended the relationship and said she couldn't be with me anymore. The fights continued but I was gutted, devastated. She couldn't move out, but I was making my own plans. What did she do? She started flirting with guys on facebook, sending tit pics, receiving various pictures in kind. Because she wasn't working, she had no money. So her set ""move out date"" went from 100% to maybe to its not going to work. She contributed so little to the household at this point that I was getting fed up. Then I found out about the sexting with dudes. Her response was ""So I don't get to be happy?"". Within 2 weeks of us breaking up a 9 year relationship she is sexting, using my computer, the phone I pay for and living in my house. I took her back. She apologized for hurting me but held fast this wasn't wrong because we had broken up. I tried and tried to figure things and everything was good for several months. One thing she had done is removed all these men from her life. In October/November, I started to have a bit of suspicion of her activities. I snooped (admittedly this is wrong) but I did it. Well I found the exact same shit as before. I confronted her about this and at first she denied it, then got mad I snooped then when I showed proof, she admitted to some of it. I was livid and needed time to think, which I took. Things normalized for a few weeks. She was cleaning the house constantly, putting in more efforts around the house, everything. Then she started a fight with me, right before work over something. I got mad and left. Clearly she isn't invested in me. She apologized repeatedly over text/phone then when I got home she told me she probably has BPD. It was a bit of a shock. She admitted to what she did months before was wrong, she promised to get counselling and work on this. Of course tears were involved. Again, I believe her. She started to get the counselling but was a bit tight lipped about it. Then one morning she starts talking, stops herself and says this is a bad time. I suggest we can text, talk later or whatever she wants. She immediately starts telling me about what her counsellor suggested (how to handle being on social media which she had avoid, how her BPD has likely morphed into more quiet type etc). Somehow this again turns into a fight and now I am questioning everything. A friend talked about BPD in the past, but I never put much stock into it. Reading about BPD, it makes more sense. But if I ever had the audacity to suggest it I feel like a fight would start so I avoided it. Now that she has decided she has BPD and is going to counselling, it feels like she is using ""I have BPD"" as an excuse to justify shitty behaviour and treating me poorly. I have my own demons involving addiction and other things, but I am on a treatment plan that is working perfectly for me and I am not struggling with those (currently, they will always be with me). But this BPD thing is baffling. She knows she has a problem, she tells me she has a problem, then she does the things that cause a problem. She feels isolated because she isn't on social media, but that doesn't account for all her real, close friends. Its like she is looking for excuses to get back to the way things were and I am still very much hurting from the betrayal and lies, but now its all about HER struggles with BPD. I guess I am venting, I don't know. If you went through this confusing, angry block of text congrats I guess. I just feel lost. I don't want to hurt my son or her. Everybody says ""leave her"" but its never just that simple. When you have been together 10 years with an 7, almost 8 year old, things are messy and expensive to seperate.",3.575063207704944,5.561539594693507,4.032340701826879,87.0855274523114,73.91308325709058,7.299428425267341,26.20831488750504,8.120617934488724,1.6011107615421691,4439,158,876,71,93,1393,403,1093,0.18600000000000005,0.715,0.099,-0.9988,3,2,1,0,6,0,152.0,13,3,3,18,50,71,15,7,51,0,97,13,4,9,16,171,172,81,0,17,30,4,8,5,5,5,6,6,3,6,63,62,1,6,22,2,8,24,21,42,2,6,55,15,158,28,127,105,25,171,1,8,1,3,134,56,4,16,89,631,221,17,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03790516383807578,0.0,0.0,0.030822101984050183,0.0,0.034817804489260515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028931983771967738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689663251376977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190653817097656,0.0,0.0,0.06533638014972869,0.05347299961423272,0.1161282319718655,0.08478351348083027,0.0,0.11834912048585113,0.039174639420545734,0.0,0.03075183297548774,0.11388170193477387,0.0,0.4379244303992685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714381144747937,0.0,0.08985556302982937,0.036456387104088515,0.03757474294718896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03584703512457151,0.029947928064720467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030428048591221533,0.03558246865000495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03079649410878992,0.0,0.07755697896692372,0.02296570032866808,0.03145206266450426,0.0,0.0,0.1562481857747796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548657628638801,0.07452052313472429,0.0333852970211959,0.0,0.06355952691521136,0.05915183014270981,0.0,0.07624849231599222,0.08059120270836233,0.032144925140799474,0.12716368378666162,0.0,0.05928292102226436,0.08749196769514601,0.16685569221867588,0.0,0.11491144287594135,0.03442843102181645,0.0,0.07402805187864392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03695959742479383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975563627233955,0.0,0.0,0.1203620581341511,0.1488908902080751,0.0,0.0,0.03629154691990217,0.03450452585986796,0.0,0.0,0.07241660658218667,0.07643620601025035,0.0,0.0,0.11045136060517244,0.03777843588303501,0.0,0.04911910657153392,0.0849359678144884,0.034849347020893824,0.03070313960568464,0.06154189950088265,0.0291986065030576,0.0,0.0379562949080753,0.0,0.031381888201460595,0.0,0.06962907886509832,0.0,0.034931812611422926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03504065831529498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326085381098856,0.07391144131776065,0.05112088803999185,0.025782012039851285,0.08045185527853592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813575032248301,0.0,0.0,0.07297194051688312,0.0,0.094246026425815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033192539944241414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0328695230595054,0.0,0.06660138281678615,0.0,0.0374886643568823,0.0998125090705034,0.0,0.06990825634985404,0.0389511092690374,0.0,0.03478008053305956,0.039576635975514786,0.04454996451558416,0.0,0.0,0.11199206458898588,0.0,0.05938792626393305,0.03307487061552623,0.0829530997434287,0.0,0.035189775466333305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856192252008705,0.03569159421171551,0.028762658440523056,0.0,0.0,0.07088864081630662,0.0,0.02676816135072468,0.0,0.0,0.2461085996516352,0.037060909002963736,0.027767902852093518,0.02906983796355224,0.0,0.10904956485376913,0.0,0.0,0.039457345508249884,0.03277094601366088,0.0,0.0,0.0838420450112157,0.06078219823392879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772010662930233,0.022279642059929227,0.0,0.0,0.1419254055394271,0.039963771452101324,0.0,0.0664497325925374,0.0772629899323519,0.07082100980145692,0.07564101100503001,0.0,0.0,0.12547450838476434,0.06006139180732525,0.0,0.05737889026634621,0.041017285378477784,0.027599340274207428,0.08367280505514632,0.0,0.06252601820943438,0.06446552091623059,0.0,0.0388202125460428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25313462674327764,0.0,0.0,0.07410026138117998,0.1140488113551016,0.0,0.17912937747493687 bpd,dumbfounded_dipshit,2020/01/29,"DAE feel like relationships after the honeymoon phase are... gone to fucking shittt?! I currently am fighting the voice in my head that tells me that the honeymoon phase is over (after ONE MONTH) and try to see everything positive about my relationship instead of trying to destroy everything It's so tiring to never know which feelings are even real. Nothing bad even happened!!!!!!!! my brain just goes into ""yeah nah, it was a good time but it's time to isolate again!"" mode. It's hard to communicate these feelings to him because when i told him that i suffer from bpd and tried to ""warn"" him from possibility crazy overreactions he interrupted me and tried to calm me down and said ""why do you worry so much, just enjoy our time together."" which is essentialy very true and it's the kind of sanity I need in a relationship but in this month I often felt soo insecure and thought he was going to leave me because of basically nothing, just the usual bpd mind thinking it does everything wrong but I never talked to him about it. Idk I am having real insecure hours up here and feel like crying 24/7 so yeahhhh what to do amigos?¿",5.1645082938388605,6.9240775924170626,5.938906990521327,75.97196238151659,69.28436018957346,9.256042654028438,29.30124407582939,9.673873057562805,2.881608767772512,896,34,159,21,16,293,125,211,0.18,0.718,0.10099999999999999,-0.9588,1,0,0,0,2,0,31.0,1,1,0,0,15,15,3,2,7,1,11,4,2,0,3,30,27,14,0,1,6,0,6,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,15,8,0,0,8,0,0,2,2,8,0,1,7,9,20,7,28,20,1,23,0,1,1,1,16,7,1,1,16,108,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984376232577701,0.1311872178706978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710436748987981,0.1201202027496362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819651646537582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416385040045093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214114083636492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901191132227167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21762863867545468,0.1537427848559867,0.10331546910916473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947696491339214,0.0,0.0,0.0611530957443953,0.0902520419889128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515271478162236,0.0,0.0963908864437686,0.0,0.110431416521743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059669874097784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205165668561176,0.059135631441739424,0.0,0.0,0.113935725732039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513849079639484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086480558128103,0.0,0.17177490167703624,0.0,0.07910036753268421,0.07978604074674643,0.16597967589400078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064953909230494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729143762423011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213058798789872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24495086618381606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465751010742537,0.0,0.0,0.10235481119723204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574542281584076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648697664629575,0.09404950508659046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894746719025628,0.0,0.08542452673759951,0.18823200407872806,0.1236734779482094,0.0,0.10281899380164074,0.0,0.29222068807822243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185091752122931,0.08878349893168765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097094702807386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927576792060754,0.0,0.0,0.11764666382943037,0.0,0.0 bpd,Simplyjusttrevor,2020/01/29,"Uh hi.. I haven't been diagnosed or anything but I'd like to know if any of you can relate to any of the things that I've been experiencing. I can't explain it here but if you're down, then DM me and I can give more details.",-0.2605882352941151,1.3591503921568666,2.50172549019608,95.29376470588235,84.29411764705883,5.648627450980393,20.003921568627447,6.742157984588678,-0.024461960784313508,174,5,45,2,5,61,38,51,0.0,0.9279999999999999,0.07200000000000001,0.5023,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,8,9,7,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,5,1,5,7,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,3,2,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5820834798697712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35219187710140737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4343916819528273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105583504566316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23520715187095045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20908988683576973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843315434818461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shecouldvebeenafool,2020/01/29,"Guy I am seeing told me before and after sex to go to the gym? I’ve been doing really well. Completed DBT, I’m in the middle of my masters and I’m working. It’s stressful but manageable and I’m in control of my emotions. Recently, I met a guy. The first night we went to bed, we didn’t have sex because we didn’t have condoms but we fooled about for hours and I’ve never felt so beautiful and accepted. It was the first time I’d gotten completely naked in front of a man. He came over last night and it was a great night. We had dinner. We spoke the whole time. It was great. Then we went to have sex. He was still very attentive but this time he didn’t take my top off but just played with my boobs under my top. Granted, it was freezing so maybe he was being considerate. We fooled about for a while then he said something about sex being like a gym workout and he said we can go to the gym many times (he is Italian so I thought he meant have sex lots of times). Laughed it off. Then we had sex. It was my first time being with a man. It was good and he was very patient. Afterwards, we were lying down and he said that we should go to the gym together so we can have sex lots and do lots of different positions and get healthy and fit. I am not skinny by any account. I am chubby. I feel as though he wants me to lose weight, which I am in the process of doing, but it really threw me off. I’m just wondering, should I bring this up with him? Ask him what he meant? Will I sound mad? Or do I just let it go? I haven’t known him long enough for me to feel as though he can comment on things like that? I don’t know.",-0.12994219653179329,1.969956106936415,1.6979508670520254,98.29571242774568,87.64161849710982,5.194104046242775,17.898554913294802,6.6274283507984215,-0.22556971098265866,1247,32,300,15,40,408,154,346,0.061,0.7809999999999999,0.158,0.9899,1,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,13,0,0,9,14,14,1,1,14,0,42,12,2,1,1,59,75,30,0,3,10,0,5,2,0,3,0,5,1,4,17,29,3,1,12,6,1,10,7,5,1,3,31,11,38,9,39,37,5,50,0,1,1,9,41,16,1,5,26,193,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681782507108644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918566129420936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05989628242891412,0.0,0.08360908925338285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237932023312244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20604025180608032,0.0,0.11020307857003364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265718453721376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052539660918176,0.0,0.1015252843802866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936293046151026,0.0,0.09434169909964214,0.0,0.0,0.2507309201251238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051334993299538126,0.0,0.22336585247010515,0.08241293449918613,0.0,0.216656392048208,0.0,0.19457886972644609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676291195218584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053999231631510165,0.0800922044272533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047398203189208,0.0,0.09600637685750106,0.0,0.0,0.08695395702255625,0.0,0.10992394921173408,0.0,0.2506026217825485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961672227467494,0.09871191357979107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578151062404127,0.0,0.0,0.2766213553623044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589132708810696,0.0,0.09701649184993616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803934458982204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829775103587139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564269450702872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846780976179739,0.0,0.11255254893191732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387669931258925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527728750801344,0.0,0.1930731279408256,0.07800472733364433,0.3437651155792452,0.0,0.0,0.09388834662032136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621438921673284,0.0579542604129554,0.0,0.0,0.1196500104941423,0.08834444084873833,0.1821696171437224,0.0,0.1096999319394323,0.0,0.0,0.1065550398588139,0.07153194046095405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mistbee,2020/01/29,"Tfw the BPD hits over the smallest thing.... Fuckeningjgakshkufhj My best friend made a post saying that they just wanted a friend they could call up, but everyone was busy. I wasn't busy, and they would would have known that—we had texted throughout the day, and they knew when I was free (which was also when they posted). I've told them before how i'm there for them, i've offered to come over and distract them or just sit with them before when they're been upset and have done that, i've generally been known as the type of friend who will go above and beyond to make sure others feel appreciated and loved and important and to be supportive. And they have talked before about how amazing i am because of that, so it's not like they don't know that i'd be happy for them to call me up. So, reading that post just felt like a fucking spear went through me. I felt completely forgotten and disregarded—""everyone is busy"", so i must not be anyone, or at least not anyone significant to them. I feel so worthless and like a failure—like either they didn't want me, or they didn't feel like i was someone they could call up, the latter of which would mean i failed at the only thing i've ever been good at (i.e. making people feel like i'm there for them). BPD says that either way, something is wrong with me bc i wasn't not good enough for them in the right way—i'm clearly deficient in some way to not be what they needed. I want to be what people need, that's all i ever want, to be helpful, to make people's lives better, to make them feel loved. I know that these feelings are making the situation about me, so i feel guilty for being upset. Ofc my friend is entitled to not want me and to choose not to reach out to me. And i realise that this was a vent post, that it was prob made in the heat of some emotional moment & it's not like they were setting out to exclude me. I know all that, but that doesn't stop me from feeling so hurt by reading it. I can think logically about all the factors at play here, but that doesn't stop me from being triggered into feeling so worthless and wanting to die. I sent my friend a text basically just saying ""i read your post, hugs! I'm here for u and I hope you know that you can reach out to me whenever, if you ever want/need, ily"". They are having a hard time, so obviously i'm not going to centre myself and my feelings to them. But i needed to vent about this somewhere because i feel so absolutely devastated and shattered. It's making me want to self-destructively isolate and withdraw from everyone so i can let myself be totally abandoned and just die alone. It's also making me feel close to splitting and becoming petty snd bitter: they know that i follow that account and read every single post, so they would have known that i would read it, and they also know i have BPD and get triggered by feeling like people don't remember me. I've often felt like no one cares about me and wanted to yell abt it online, but i intentionally refrain from posting that type of shit on platforms that my friends follow because i don't want to guilt-trip them over not ""caring enough"" and/or for them to be hurt by seeing me disregard them like that. Ofc people don't have to be like me, they are entitled to post whatever they want on their accounts and express their feelings and thoughts w/o catering to their followers, so it isn't fair to my friend to be upset that they posted that where i would read it, but the bitterness is slowly creeping into me because feeling angry/resentful feels better than feeling hurt does.",8.46793555240793,6.410847087818702,8.023440155807368,76.83419706090653,62.54107648725212,10.638031161473089,33.81887393767705,8.841846274778883,2.60341090651558,2828,83,564,32,32,898,262,706,0.19399999999999998,0.657,0.149,-0.9878,1,3,1,0,0,0,77.0,0,4,35,4,40,50,4,4,18,0,64,5,1,14,11,154,139,57,2,24,27,0,21,10,7,8,0,4,0,0,43,35,0,5,36,7,3,8,22,16,0,1,26,28,93,35,80,89,13,57,0,7,1,4,61,25,2,8,21,393,136,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04591324985213669,0.0,0.10635376696348328,0.0,0.04803230967095417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619941313875316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809436620570684,0.04895979029057531,0.11316651650217414,0.0,0.04652234894184095,0.07841382737460363,0.0,0.0,0.16749894574977886,0.0,0.13579984518800994,0.0,0.09039623401706036,0.0,0.0,0.038186984461951436,0.04647990978879827,0.0,0.0,0.07078893518283269,0.0,0.0,0.028589642887453533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201656361199496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03879410621604181,0.0453657113139852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04986608605585405,0.0,0.09161095500347384,0.0,0.0,0.12029900531370866,0.037350538181078086,0.12707968980466502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810539933979581,0.09500961197352414,0.12769331113806906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397485955544893,0.04098303039317006,0.02316096817642001,0.0,0.05038833228800264,0.07436499863254918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047190868959886126,0.03971161195145942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029713942878782464,0.0,0.0,0.044030401233013966,0.0,0.0,0.1423708373546377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461780050973291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04533115815990153,0.0,0.21657747437068184,0.0,0.039144832290445394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002039963211048,0.08389358617167211,0.20713766895959154,0.0,0.0,0.04828914311098224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861198727931048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030039638827329844,0.03371550531584545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366667528513273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821091254415119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26605626076026345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05021805675947956,0.03785818720064342,0.0,0.10576068829221276,0.0,0.0,0.03532583922716495,0.0,0.04624660246047814,0.0,0.045504840467114865,0.0,0.04982957947726431,0.0,0.0,0.037561269779783926,0.03412794913663144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412492314518794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050305968457396114,0.04178117294123511,0.0,0.0,0.03563134837893861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05890271261142725,0.02840533128298087,0.0,0.03519363481442417,0.025849595601829888,0.0,0.0,0.042359896601555015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287621437994216,0.10556297110678113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04109501564320193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18894760221247264,0.048468676176181835,0.0,0.0 bpd,wvtchcraft,2020/01/29,"DAE go back and forth between ridiculous career choices? 23F (bipolar & bpd) and I have no idea what to do with my life in terms of careers. Depending on my moods, or who I feel like being that day. I go from “I want to go to medical school and become a doctor” to “I’m going to start my own business” or even “I’ll just work at a gas station” or “I’m going to become a famous actor.” Now none of these options are rational, and I know that, but in the moment I feel SO passionate about it to the point where I’m basically screaming it from the rooftops. And then a week later I’m wallowing in self pity because I don’t believe in myself. I’m exhausting myself and feel like I’m annoying everyone around me because I can’t make up my mind. I’m currently jobless, and I feel as if I’m running out of time. I should have had this figured out by now. I have to just pick SOMETHING. What do you guys do for a living? How did you choose your career?",0.9803030303030305,3.007605262626264,3.1699898989899005,89.9683181818182,82.23232323232324,5.980202020202023,23.53636363636364,7.1686216300943375,0.9333103030303028,734,27,157,10,20,250,118,198,0.08900000000000001,0.847,0.065,-0.5575,2,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,3,0,1,11,9,2,0,8,0,13,6,0,4,0,34,34,16,0,3,7,0,4,2,0,1,5,1,0,2,9,11,0,0,8,1,0,6,4,5,0,0,2,5,21,3,29,30,3,30,0,1,0,1,6,12,0,6,14,105,30,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671285479955724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731416557002993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860783270218953,0.0,0.18805731594233552,0.3407114385082214,0.0,0.17378561562213038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19427100761773256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947773771914753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578802184384637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187990058991447,0.0,0.0,0.14739137178201478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.311971382012453,0.22039079671629155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43831583724073947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273059735917985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741281591880002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477112561720608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089505136563697,0.1507163784880774,0.0,0.13620454704447635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296229495032844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553894731994154,0.0,0.0,0.15574735168672185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581500645813428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610805570845715,0.0,0.0,0.16091517505397185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874828889856827,0.0,0.0,0.10917811914288714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994373597276863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909799591787547,0.0,0.12372911108160105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122949887849813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ghostlyone,2020/01/29,"Reality check. When to end a marriage? So, it is well known that I have trouble with emotional stability...so how do I judge whether my feelings of ending my marriage is ""wise mind""? My counselor keeps pushing me away from that idea and I keep coming back to it. The marriage seems to have more negatives for me than positives. IDK how to work out the best wise mind action.",2.444542253521128,5.1301551971830985,3.3275880281690178,87.01279049295776,81.53521126760563,6.366901408450705,27.184859154929576,7.645422480735847,1.7672098591549297,293,13,56,5,8,93,52,71,0.06,0.716,0.22399999999999998,0.9229999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,7,5,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,2,0,15,10,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,4,0,1,3,1,1,1,0,0,1,8,4,11,10,2,9,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,42,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175215820257632,0.17802534277374146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429669849247807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19943482410333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604299407610924,0.41011773863440143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170639639749094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613590057230015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115729697512127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4675403814139379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107680049797988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20816516567828744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685500309276851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BeccaAaron,2020/01/29,"Is BPD with social anxiety a common combo? On one hand, I have a lot of trouble relating to other people and making friends. I feel like a guest pretty much everywhere I go. I have very few friends. But emotionally, I get destroyed if I'm criticized, I'm obsessed with the approval of people I value. I get so upset with myself if the slightest thing goes wrong. I almost wonder if the two are at war. I have trouble interacting with people and it's isolating but my BPD tells me it's better this way because they'd probably hate me anyway. Does anyone else feel like this is a thing?",2.324536231884061,4.784619069565223,4.257065217391308,81.61052536231888,80.04347826086956,6.615942028985508,24.36594202898551,7.793537801064563,1.6306376811594203,463,17,83,8,12,157,75,115,0.183,0.645,0.17300000000000001,0.1314,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,2,13,3,2,7,0,7,1,1,1,0,17,17,8,1,3,5,0,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,8,0,2,0,3,14,5,9,16,3,5,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,6,3,57,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024937424427635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242438026973207,0.0,0.0,0.11189840453937436,0.16397214881277533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975542914094781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153569024452514,0.0,0.0,0.40311051754805466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004546862573433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368657055978256,0.18001495771889986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16183442244593427,0.22865441739496886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24728133576203726,0.0,0.1672206919282599,0.0,0.09095012486232433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799890507274322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15636753543494716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360538595605856,0.0,0.0,0.1068228978536833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764225860001085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844212451997684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33283903641372303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281052643856195,0.17254203969974927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313292148194372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987540821511346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21263688729045133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563284424249545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132043524784125,0.0,0.12702630373666415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354835705992472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17497035325318336,0.0,0.0 bpd,even_so,2020/01/29,"Is anyone else primarily motivated by romantic relationships? I have been single since August 2018, so about a year and a half. And this whole time, I have been struggling to achieve self-improvement, to find the energy to take care of myself and my living space, etc. Now I have a possible romantic relationship starting and I feel absolutely *flooded* with motivation and willpower. It's like.... I want to impress him and prove I am good enough for him Based on past experiences, this will last until the honeymoon phase of the relationship is over, and then become less intense but still present in the form of ""I am doing things for my partner, not for myself."" I am so frustrated with myself over this. I have children. I love myself. Why can't I consistently feel energized like this for myself or my kids? I stayed single for so long in the hopes of achieving that, and it never happened. Why does my brain betray me by only producing this kind of motivation in response to romantic stimuli? :(",6.193085422864428,7.86752226519337,6.7250828729281755,71.64561835954103,66.67955801104972,9.9891202719932,32.15512112197195,10.214889679676881,3.552938461538462,794,33,133,20,13,259,110,181,0.10400000000000001,0.7120000000000001,0.184,0.8562,1,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,6,6,11,1,1,8,0,14,2,1,4,2,24,23,15,0,2,3,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,3,9,10,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,2,24,9,27,20,7,21,0,0,0,1,9,7,0,2,15,108,33,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461867516106572,0.1533046788533021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524494437529189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702682692476215,0.0,0.0,0.15254886278343047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309345870501617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498937725130305,0.0,0.0,0.1545987745645072,0.1668672735198325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635831815928216,0.0,0.0,0.15130602568861742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367511357949482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549522771209412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323096003790206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860768723455414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580753478138154,0.0,0.12196130975849435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461947957412462,0.0,0.13211832804071372,0.13241012109720598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503904334167588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153971520359399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379372271482566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283043809779766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16867550786385058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4819117691985135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156087622225764,0.0,0.0,0.1237682657855762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590270936459943,0.15947637264542278,0.1194877444173923,0.0,0.0,0.15641664410740844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124965790769512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940172753254993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872453693530307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825050523448674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700198592725003,0.16704681155208995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635119632269123 bpd,oneimoh,2020/01/29,"DAE feel like they're drunk/inhibited when they get bad news? When I read or am told something that really upsets me(which is often the case when anything upsets me), my face muscles really loosen up and my eyes become really heavy as well as my movement becoming super sluggish and I start slurring somewhat. My judgement will then become really clouded and I'll be prone to making really poor and regrettable choices until the feeling passes. It makes me feel like I'm almost putting it on but this will literally happen when I'm on my own so I don't think it would make any sense for me to ""fake"" this response. Idk if this has a name or is some form of dissociation but it'd be nice to know anyone else gets like this.",3.786063829787235,5.826049680851067,4.8095212765957465,81.50875,73.46808510638297,7.536879432624112,25.22517730496454,8.344100000000001,1.7281815602836883,579,19,107,10,12,189,97,141,0.10400000000000001,0.787,0.10800000000000001,0.3847,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,7,10,0,2,3,0,11,2,2,3,0,24,26,18,0,2,5,0,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,5,1,1,3,1,4,1,0,1,4,12,6,11,19,4,13,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,7,10,66,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497200601483625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167694680484278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454602981851778,0.15319822681792358,0.12304006552857058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484076847172833,0.0,0.49539060369733506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490258685645915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268014422235369,0.21363049488966265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623332179372984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221772695176567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217084282911348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21913992102288365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29941204015242057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030626570373953,0.0,0.0,0.14955784334364747,0.0,0.4789233170157264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151057852808539,0.0,0.0,0.10582917241159648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580470102086662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428702657524832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344340825688999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621285817932284,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,adertyTV,2020/01/29,"I don't want to feel anything. I don't get how others can manage their emotions, how can you keep living when you're burning inside. Am I just so fucking weak or why is it so hard for me? How can you stand feeling what you feel? I don't want to feel anything anymore, I don't want to try to trust or hope anymore, I don't want to be anywhere near another human. I just can't deal with this anymore. It doesn't matter if it's a good day and you've done everything right, it can flip right over and you just want to die. I don't know why I thought I could study or eventually work in my life, I can't do anything. Life is not meant for me, I'm incompatible with this world. That you can't control your emotions, only how you react to them. It's my final nail on the coffin, I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING FEEL ANYTHING! I don't want to live my life only fighting against myself, that's not living. This is not life, I can never achieve anything I want, I can't get the life I dream of, I can't change the aspects of my life that needs changing. I don't want to feel this way. I could only live if I were absolutely alone somewhere where no one can see or hear me but even then I know I wouldn't want to live.",1.7399485199485234,3.0267164826254884,3.2524324324324314,93.71126126126127,77.22393822393822,5.705534105534108,23.144144144144143,5.916634753146586,0.19786692406692466,935,28,219,5,21,308,116,259,0.10800000000000001,0.853,0.039,-0.6816,0,1,0,0,2,1,27.0,0,7,2,3,12,7,3,0,4,0,32,9,0,6,1,51,62,17,2,17,13,0,7,0,0,1,7,1,0,1,14,4,0,2,10,1,0,0,21,4,0,1,4,9,40,3,22,54,0,15,0,0,1,2,13,8,2,7,5,140,54,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320685230886259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424232214285829,0.0,0.0,0.23902374827938275,0.0,0.0,0.3305602708457084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699757681711596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010688697096472,0.1282881193082326,0.0,0.0,0.05181193230626352,0.08282585917180475,0.0,0.0,0.08337907513723962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221456885203685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18074085676936175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053063073545524336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220340642320595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437305144386511,0.0,0.0,0.08800731776435987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854400279118696,0.08394749945133588,0.0,0.0,0.06738444216097379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196785767144237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054775831759328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979463671802918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140888923768687,0.0,0.0,0.08830429647293914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34047436749518634,0.0,0.0,0.35470352126410265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05957026267187063,0.061962298158031975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05443970530003525,0.18330401879863886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721793169640387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401968705607862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378009798144485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05454482696487338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4738595382521383,0.06376926467816348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498668930427058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05848766257317267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Yourworldinflames,2020/01/29,For the people who get periods DAE either diagnosed or undiagnosed feel relatively okay throughout the month (only a few depressive bouts and anxiety) until they are about to get their period or on their period? I feel like I get intense bpd symptoms around that time but I'm undiagnosed and am also looking out for PMDD. Any personal experiences that could help me compare would be much appreciated!,9.322428571428574,9.975798242857145,9.777857142857146,56.12964285714287,59.42857142857143,13.857142857142856,38.92857142857143,13.023866798666859,5.905142857142858,327,15,48,12,4,110,57,70,0.024,0.8059999999999999,0.17,0.8702,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,0,3,1,5,2,0,0,0,12,12,7,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,2,8,9,3,9,0,1,1,0,6,3,0,2,7,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18987256399574096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614604387380357,0.0,0.18163318416273885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113629031396133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29903458245173203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18956841411608447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044979805297282,0.2409862982812996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322519509649588,0.0,0.0,0.2401033306538231,0.16961993114778387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721418887223343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914422258558714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159962308902587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19938127443252232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895142397912774,0.0,0.17453825761288516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805760987176776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460396168444386,0.2073145855390451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246780522767562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844725397054392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866335211825453,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Goddessofhatexx,2020/01/29,"Having BPD in a relationship. I have been with the same person for 5 years. 5 long, miserable, agonizing years. This person was my ""favorite"" person. And everything happened just the way the say it does. Its just a cycle, unending doom. This person has lied, abused, neglected, and gone above and beyond what the intelligent part of my brain would consider toxic. But my fear of being alone prevents me from being the one to cut it off. Now, I am 5 months pregnant. With his child. And it's worse than it ever was. Honestly, the pregnancy hormones make my brain feel a little less disturbed, allowing me to believe I can think with a bit less fog. But, it has only demonstrated how I need to get away. This relationship has hit every sour note, to include betrayal and loss of trust. It seems the people who argue about needing to be trusted are the ones who need validation to get away with whatever they do. How? How do I get away? How do I tell myself that even though these things go on in my head, that I can be loved right? This is the hardest question I face. Sometimes I can't tell if it's me or him. But I do know that I asked for complete honesty, and can't even receive that. Its like a mini heart break daily. This person doesnt understand whats wrong with me, what this disease really is. Quite often uses it against me. Its a war I can't win. Because now, all I want is for him to pay for every single time hes hurt me.",2.5860179396575163,4.6679042544169596,3.9157773851590094,86.37510125033978,77.12720848056537,6.898015765153575,23.605463441152487,7.882392219407189,1.2488299537917915,1116,36,223,18,26,366,164,283,0.171,0.7390000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.975,0,1,0,0,1,0,43.0,0,0,1,3,15,17,3,3,15,0,29,6,5,7,2,42,49,16,1,6,7,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,6,28,11,0,2,6,0,1,3,4,11,0,2,4,3,30,6,31,39,7,23,1,5,0,1,23,10,0,5,9,164,58,1,0.0,0.12302191504589186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753686673229312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706730497321968,0.0,0.29265592566191523,0.0,0.0,0.06329398098920364,0.0,0.0,0.11698118093695435,0.0,0.0,0.1133557847329596,0.0,0.13077061534453266,0.23181788447555615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886408347882168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086258636860067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715785442981196,0.0939204415871952,0.1749629947648369,0.0,0.0933159695228956,0.0,0.0,0.11683794264697292,0.05249971431137123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274112306576255,0.0,0.05900914650529005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181678243066604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655983244994556,0.0,0.0,0.12303939342389154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115247277911257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05706241191801409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05072623496185117,0.10406522764949294,0.0,0.09188653918969912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371089041633847,0.0,0.06930752474622319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287634677857679,0.0,0.0,0.23096653293794864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071618313511536,0.07896761422113234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124380857455181,0.0,0.07198284954582823,0.4533030209844322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631368733687933,0.11043629400386763,0.0,0.0,0.06651634241972364,0.0,0.0,0.22294974784658328,0.0,0.08867050023322047,0.0,0.0825700139503847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945231963082059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269081161889602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18150449971008306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898023094275511,0.0665302572678243,0.10201273262590232,0.0,0.060544277006527036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809099353054293,0.0,0.08967603335045765,0.0,0.0,0.06124179511765829,0.08241565119969785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581193585130176,0.07375805888984721,0.1135221224251059,0.0,0.1337266049379994 bpd,Individual-Aspect,2020/01/29,"What's your relationship with your Dad? I was thinking about my bpd how it might have come about. I know that I am a sensitive person, but I am pretty sure lots of sensitive people like me don't get bpd. With therapy, I've begun to accept that my mom was overinvolved and overcritical of every freaking aspect of my life. But I always wondered about my Dad, he's a workaholic with a temper. I've started to ***assume*** that his temper stems from always being under the thumb of my Mom. I think that he started to believe that I did not love him, and so he's kind of just been hands-off. Helping me with my education, but staying unengaged. I wish he would try a bit more. I've been to a lot of group therapies and I have not met another person with BPD who had a Dad they had a great one on one relationship with. Someone, who they could hang out with regularly and confide in? I've moved out, failed out of college a few times, did a bit of therapy and am gearing up to try college again. I know that I have the capacity to finish. My Dad is still willing to help me finance college, but he seems terrified of me and irritated that I have limited contact with my Mom. What is your relationship with your Dad like? How has it changed over time? How has it affected you?",2.2751706036745425,4.390524043307085,4.054035433070869,84.8472473753281,78.25196850393702,7.225459317585303,25.543963254593177,8.212053250817874,1.6946908136482948,993,38,201,19,24,334,126,254,0.127,0.753,0.12,-0.4788,0,0,0,1,0,0,33.0,0,5,2,2,10,11,2,0,11,0,25,2,0,4,1,46,38,14,0,3,7,8,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,2,14,19,0,1,8,0,1,3,3,4,0,2,9,0,33,7,37,24,6,20,0,1,0,1,35,8,0,6,10,145,47,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17043777909935698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739282813053748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538853665342402,0.0,0.0,0.22362499705975855,0.0,0.3869707030057857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834327683065262,0.08822290884736435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177139232163774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629047754824637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05350849282904049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291476101528612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729549536453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066512211283147,0.11257106752381148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233993615318803,0.10007124180666786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17414201280267674,0.09243506029793204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864792209037448,0.0,0.3598475644923968,0.0,0.1088527320449171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880039785345427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100283658200653,0.17885260460880345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419459202055646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298715863340244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323630702348913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677732810441975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449821190018752,0.10916256333567856,0.08179010000937169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965265171855412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513672281946991,0.0,0.0,0.13124895761562558,0.0,0.0,0.11943998975848585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906841783670246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777413775507413,0.0,0.11106653024993704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275387727777648,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,berserkerryan,2020/01/29,"I don't know what's wrong with me I don't know if I have BPD, I feel like I do although I don't want to self diagnose. I don't think I've ever had a diagnosis even though I've been to therapy multiple times and been on different medications. I feel so manic, and recently I don't seem to be able to do anything and it's killing me. I barely eat, I either barely sleep or oversleep. I don't do anything productive, even basic hygiene. I don't even feel alive at this point. I wish someone could just tell me ""this is what's wrong with you, and this is what we'll do to fix you"". I've been suffering with my mental health for roughly 8 years. I'm just so tired. I can't go on much longer. Sorry about the rant, didn't know where else to post this.",0.8911111111111083,2.583542185185188,2.971382716049386,92.99522222222224,80.85185185185185,6.542222222222222,21.29382716049383,7.554174236665415,0.5812538271604932,582,17,138,9,15,197,89,162,0.126,0.8029999999999999,0.071,-0.7929,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,2,0,0,11,5,1,0,2,0,23,6,1,0,1,24,35,10,1,4,5,0,4,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,8,7,1,0,8,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,5,4,22,1,14,27,2,11,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,3,5,87,30,0,0.14872443208325212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447750709232886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18731321586329616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874435720129595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095216793979974,0.0,0.15538537714522124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218222311634005,0.1242401791032563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29469325421238896,0.13452976345372775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22559862459143198,0.10624876399682197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845235221087945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808711663651673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454154874228916,0.0,0.24520517517912346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726592451546399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982421872006188,0.14987924718017326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093295700336702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059266030340678,0.0,0.14243689470556115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684743443303638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539313726956426,0.1551520182562407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883183908944447,0.0,0.12601372867511546,0.0,0.0,0.16648482546860632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299917089354577,0.0,0.1700793495499779,0.0,0.0,0.09529661084958432,0.1461209994066091,0.0,0.08672241235794524,0.17093685643191722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772152335986765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17102575712120469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32521363866110203,0.0,0.095773658139571 bpd,throwaway2918472842,2020/01/29,"Is BPD even real? My(23M) buddy's brother(17M) went to therapy last week. He was diagnosed with anxiety I believe. He told me what his therapist idly said once. ""BPD is not real, it's just a made up disease for people who can't control their emotions."" I was diagnosed years ago and I can't stop thinking about it. Anyone else heard this from a therapist? Is it just one therapists opinion or is it me just being too immature for my age? Please someone, if you have answers, I want to know.",2.065773195876289,4.4258968659793805,3.764134020618561,85.35238659793818,80.34020618556701,7.178969072164946,27.22577319587629,8.238735603445708,2.1211698969072166,384,17,74,8,10,128,72,97,0.019,0.9129999999999999,0.068,0.5152,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,1,6,0,0,0,2,0,10,2,0,2,0,18,18,3,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,7,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,7,2,10,0,8,10,0,8,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,3,6,47,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797785747844112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044486693982512,0.0,0.0,0.10094888267272233,0.1479270886857952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265880967905108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636652060198039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192647425218135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930708919814138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206050254417109,0.1624000710368117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535693331609237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934356556891094,0.1176831758810467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660912086174248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537524177768198,0.0978308077761364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000899848219252,0.0,0.0,0.15847808065677393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32865591587306914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733168101066276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232668258016716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070220200251244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651029838144132,0.5028841642065685,0.0,0.09250831944206124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795448492787696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515487206284286,0.0,0.11580722523629546,0.0,0.0,0.13383511696184955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297140876599023 bpd,segorah-,2020/01/29,"Idek anymore. I wanted to kill myself two nights ago. I left work and went home to an empty house. So I left and drove around. Quickly I discovered that I’m about to run my car off the fking road and turned around back home. The next day I woke up totally fine, so when I spoke to my therapist I kind of glazed over it. She thinks it’s mainly because of my job, but it’s everything. I’ve tried so hard to beat this and be the best person I can be, and it all just seems pointless. I feel so detached from everyone, even my husband and therapist. It’s like I’m not even here or real? Is anything real? Idk man. I feel... calm? Now. Maybe the calm before the storm. It feels uneasy. I feel uneasy about everything. I feel like life is so so unbelievably pointless, and everything I’ve worked hard for is pointless. Idk I guess I’m just venting. Stay strong, bbs.",0.5524764890282121,2.9639121264367816,2.007189132706376,94.75899686520378,88.65517241379311,5.232601880877744,18.828631138975968,6.782984794422108,0.15831954022988534,666,19,144,9,22,214,101,174,0.11699999999999999,0.748,0.135,0.8126,1,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,5,19,9,1,0,6,0,6,1,0,0,2,27,23,16,1,1,5,1,7,2,0,0,1,1,2,2,8,9,0,0,7,0,0,4,1,1,0,1,4,8,19,8,16,17,4,21,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,3,10,85,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784825083327168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065850564553245,0.0,0.0,0.10011952852334872,0.21661442364761324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355250135418244,0.0,0.07416555847763369,0.0,0.10352754038855093,0.0,0.1276794013259434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846354646786964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071652808686726,0.0,0.0,0.1162556569333317,0.328032660596649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075861694086858,0.08691715310244262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340271787359043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179750143738068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24407885489532002,0.0,0.0,0.14038451415132855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073325699018912,0.0,0.1346037586298354,0.12669486907822736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26437770086612644,0.0,0.08593524427656322,0.11887827204470156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222283571226616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293915908796034,0.11417390459713272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623276079488048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769617053394442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075880413470733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296781839320703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825237560623408,0.0,0.07795770796547775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260221872911833,0.1323360543738096,0.11884855162054812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176088256873436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278422337108827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714643040064476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sippingtea99,2020/01/29,"How to stop being toxic to my partner. 20 M Suffering BPD. Hello I'm 20 years old and I've been seeing my current partner for almost 10 months now. We have broken up a few times (all on my end) and get back together the next day. Each time I say ""I want to break up"" my partner takes it seriously, i keep hurting him. We argue because I hold grudges about things he's said and done. I don't move on. How do I work on that? How can I be less toxic? I get angry at him. I take my anger and frustration out on him (never ever will I hit him). I know I shouldn't do the whole ""I want to break up"" thing. Thats wrong. And it hurts him. I can't keep hurting him. When I was in hospital I was given a purple card to give to nurses when I felt angry, frustrated, so now I've started saying ""Purple"" to him and that's a start. What else can I do? I say ""I want to break up"" when I'm angry at him and I want to show him I'm upset. J keep thinking he'll beg for me to change my mind. He doesn't. He just says ok. And he gets very quiet and sad and he doesn't do much talking and then I go home (we don't live together). I call him and apologise. It goes like that. It's wrong and I don't know what to do. Candidly speaking I want him to show me he wants me. I want him to beg me to change my mind. But He never does. I don't want to loose him. I love him and he's an incredible partner. That s one issue I have The other is how do I move on from little things he's done and not throw them in his face when he does something wrong. J want to move on and not hold grudges. What do i do. Please help me. I want this relationship to work. I know I'm at fault. What can I do?",-1.4508638665475109,0.39733421447721184,1.4040607685433422,99.75957938635688,91.57372654155495,4.4951802204349125,15.259398272266907,5.953557352011769,-0.8635749895740248,1254,26,325,11,45,435,158,373,0.161,0.757,0.08199999999999999,-0.9883,1,0,1,0,0,0,54.0,3,0,1,2,15,18,4,1,7,1,31,2,1,4,4,58,68,27,0,11,4,0,1,1,4,3,0,7,1,4,18,21,0,6,5,2,0,5,12,15,0,1,8,11,65,3,37,54,6,48,0,5,3,1,48,17,0,1,24,201,83,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297190855959961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371390872402842,0.0,0.05051043590401324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435875072568246,0.0,0.08460890382995448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530891509486654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534375795991895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450219680644492,0.16958825396722968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921855364766845,0.0,0.07338900113414464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495124134593216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955819880981163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987214482467896,0.0794864672681022,0.047091013485380105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05553903537870096,0.0,0.08311492294252026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661087087967944,0.0,0.0,0.08648388250480682,0.0,0.22094822753410195,0.0,0.0,0.1366123881608059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040481009404820766,0.08304707539130564,0.07316653445627964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478401342285405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16732912697752658,0.0,0.06613773279061283,0.2641998874060409,0.06091133128810645,0.0,0.12781284513367852,0.0,0.08812211209349254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694719935386658,0.0,0.056147801400863215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095494559820076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896018841303135,0.0,0.0,0.07881844305198797,0.2635730811715442,0.0,0.0,0.0660283639442807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378935916496405,0.0,0.0,0.1172968860361378,0.0,0.0,0.06927432595866878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460019667688907,0.06659939834581044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651446857611493,0.05309307840783729,0.0,0.0,0.09663218446046697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836783803957325,0.4887273195005442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250977116113088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064553415417086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717818566074525,0.0,0.053358858155361434 bpd,dagget7119,2020/01/29,"Triggered! And now? Are there any mental skills that help you to get ANY better when you don't know what to Think, feel or how to survive the inert pressure of not feeling anything? What do you do when you hate your Partner for no reason and want to run away... maybe just from yourself...???",3.0941071428571405,5.1818759107142895,2.8958571428571425,94.24914285714287,75.60714285714286,4.48,23.7,3.1291,-0.008788571428572034,225,7,45,0,5,67,44,56,0.163,0.731,0.105,-0.5889,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,5,0,3,6,3,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,3,0,13,11,6,0,1,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,2,5,1,8,11,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,3,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40907267770042105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475110172555376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28258666612446903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660097770291205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041603044158306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15714177426782402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29695162708878203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20160218126021293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529728596947255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021674737695942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031090118379318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092453196224717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19272355639335315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774040420056559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rj-elliott,2020/01/29,"My boyfriend told me 'I was a lot...' Venting? Definitely probably over thinking it, and I should be thankful he was willing to communicate with me. Hes been on a trip out of the state for the past 4 days and I was his source of transportation to and from the airport. I definitely missed him while he was gone, and I did definitely express that to him. But maybe too much?? The day he got back we spent some time together, I cooked us dinner and we caught back up on some shows we were watching. Well, I guess he wanted to do something else with his time? He mentioned, very annoyed, that he felt like he had to hang out with me, because I was being 'needy.' Other than it making me feel like I was an inconvenience, and he didnt feel the same about me, I got immediately angry, cause I felt like I had already done so much for him, and all of a sudden, merely giving me time was too much. Im pretty good at hiding my emotions, since it was already late, I decided to just call it a night. I went to sleep, and he did his thing. Moral of the story is to not show attachment I guess.",3.785205479452056,4.5375826803653005,4.867470319634705,86.16942465753428,71.51141552511416,7.8491324200913235,26.47214611872146,8.021203637495839,1.3603209132420089,833,26,182,11,15,274,123,219,0.066,0.797,0.13699999999999998,0.9421,0,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,4,0,0,0,8,8,1,0,11,0,23,3,1,2,1,36,42,11,0,2,3,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,16,2,0,6,3,1,6,2,2,1,0,25,5,34,6,27,13,8,26,1,1,1,0,25,7,0,5,15,128,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29401336146375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20486908220340055,0.0,0.08120696761966463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602797898460658,0.0,0.0,0.13684907385387246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718260283649559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632576716189124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128450475913668,0.14984957228763907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471557748444946,0.0951692211649977,0.2558156531020509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779250184870106,0.0,0.11173488957782517,0.21308930221396385,0.0,0.2935039117124395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389566241157625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150272951746441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952471778027614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132551034735252,0.0,0.0,0.08892241931860302,0.0,0.13383293327533066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937862890542336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250137767981095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271693236480881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552811421837976,0.14362890272161924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019728608737793,0.0,0.13331176455963628,0.0,0.0,0.10255584477695648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264698761841047,0.0,0.0,0.08850249728360124,0.08535915047905952,0.0,0.0,0.23303718926750866,0.0,0.0,0.1272931743787109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024191372691407,0.0,0.0,0.10991678671030786,0.07857398753189701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977678507669165,0.12349215678146686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,undercover1998,2020/01/29,"broke up (ROCD) sorry for my english. i don’t know what’s real anymore. since so many loved ones left and used me, i don’t feel anything anymore. i have had a boyfriend since one year (until yesterday) and i was very in love with him in the first months. and then there was this void again and i can’t do anything except drugs to feel anything. my rocd is telling me from time to time that i love someone else and my relationship is wrong, but there is this urge to be with him even though i can’t feel my emotions. i thought i’m a borderline, so i should feel deep love for my partner, but i don’t and that makes me split very often. yesterday night i woke up and hated him so much, that i broke up again. i don’t even know why. i’m always so angry and rude towards him because i can’t stand the fact that he is doing so nice things for such a terrible person like me and i don’t want to hurt him anymore. i dont know if i try to flee from myself with being with him or with breaking up. he is shattered everytime i break up and isn’t that enough reason to break up now and let him rescue? i can’t feel anything. i’m caged in my depression and black thinking. my anorexia is getting worse and i live with him. i don’t know what to do. i think what’s happening is called splitting but isn’t it selfish to know that you will hurt the one you love again and again and again and not to break up because maybe it’s just splitting? i’m so confused.",2.353529411764708,3.6110154803921617,3.2648529411764717,94.36433823529413,75.56862745098039,6.1457516339869285,23.86111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.4146758169934639,1131,34,261,8,24,360,134,306,0.18100000000000002,0.715,0.10400000000000001,-0.9808,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,0,1,20,18,2,1,6,0,32,6,0,3,1,52,61,30,0,3,8,0,5,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,14,22,0,0,14,0,0,1,14,11,0,4,5,6,44,7,33,51,2,35,0,5,1,5,22,13,0,4,17,178,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035530712698237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873192319720138,0.0,0.0,0.3178807924268238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773830164486873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986104006299159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317697730043065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318119560238316,0.0,0.11199239618017998,0.0,0.08067317973931,0.10863005146299952,0.0,0.0997842776898029,0.0,0.12756926160620838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441475122617117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214375335793413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05045467498931643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853979466683176,0.0,0.0,0.09534446140831816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20676378960698516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653661281051705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104925325621798,0.09875100360336746,0.0,0.047180005585883936,0.0,0.08527449179505774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4357981956108161,0.0,0.0644622926801045,0.09790844456806318,0.09701915198821426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770825295212924,0.0,0.07099123743871508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062590436424482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19631824571639955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432259590418101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991962265465416,0.0,0.0992916884527878,0.0,0.10368175714878003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15977005040463768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182480302591406,0.0,0.0,0.1081039994133791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440783468973115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415787971731587,0.12375836337496228,0.09488110636913936,0.07666706299705864,0.11262335276842347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556577705942368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340685559605164,0.0,0.1593633670714618,0.056960431577735886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714084796372769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984147104209886,0.0,0.1055858841912055,0.0,0.062188943972492514 bpd,quickpeas,2020/01/29,"Does anyone else screenshot absolutely everything I do it without even realising at this point because its became such a habit, I'll screenshot cute messages to me, insults to me and everything inbetween. Everytime I get in a new relationship I show them screenshots of my conversations with my past boyfriends and I can't stop oversharing. I only realised recently that I do it and I hate it. I overshare absolutely everything via screenshots and then later on that night I regret everything.",7.083193277310926,9.778357117647065,7.331596638655466,64.12647058823532,66.05882352941177,10.974789915966387,40.37815126050421,10.914260884657429,5.583991596638653,405,24,57,13,7,131,59,85,0.115,0.825,0.06,-0.6609999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,5,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,14,1,8,5,0,11,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,7,41,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373029260755751,0.201199078034858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970223987454158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718402751593511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403770357966185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969718553834786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7059205563233828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259257223838858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938697166642012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896504748273748,0.0,0.1842751864346921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934437922984528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874525466250814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562833137224505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19388668057971994,0.21082244930408556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16416987568291602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892887870237339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GUMBUNNY,2020/01/29,"I’ve got BPD and I do stand up, and I just bombed so hard I was banned from the bar. I didn’t even say anything racist or pull a Kramer or anything, but it’s hard to relate to people some times. Humor has been an excellent coping mechanism for me, but I’ve been a comedian since before my diagnosis. Now such an awful experience tonight should get me down and spiral out of control but I won’t. I’ve just gotten the worst reaction possible to something I have literally poured my heart into, even recording myself and critiquing many times prior. And I’m just fine, feel free to ask me why.",3.845809792843689,5.312455313559326,5.023333333333333,82.40010357815444,72.13559322033899,7.956308851224105,25.822975517890768,8.515128840125781,1.700567608286252,469,15,93,8,9,155,83,118,0.141,0.72,0.139,0.1866,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,8,5,0,0,6,1,9,2,1,1,0,20,15,11,0,1,8,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,7,1,2,1,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,6,4,12,5,11,7,2,11,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,5,59,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469844263989628,0.0,0.1970942808448855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793977895622999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655285463430219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364598020977078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784977772745369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062287325413627,0.0,0.0,0.10660019292403804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014812393450396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16861717961814235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777181956772927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498303704750367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21374494016265272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616052200393154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376751566636285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765766313789346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439782653161828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230450914220698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458692087756472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19023808840902975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lizardbree,2020/01/29,"I’m slowly learning to love my BPD. I was diagnosed five years ago. I fought the diagnosis for a long time. I half-assed therapy and messed around doing almost nothing for a few years. About six months ago, I started to really work on myself. I joined a DBT program and started working on my life in other ways. And I’ve realized something important: I’m learning to love my BPD. I love the way it gives me the power to love so many people so intensely. I have so many strong relationships in my life. I love feeling childlike happiness when something great happens. I radiate joy in cheerful moments, and can light up a room with my good moods. I love getting super motivated to try new things and start new projects. I love being able to change my look every week, and pull off so many styles. Having BPD is hard, but it’s part of me, so I’m trying my best to embrace it.",3.115949612403103,5.104128773255817,4.318046511627909,84.52772868217055,75.22093023255816,7.144806201550387,27.16434108527132,8.021203637495839,1.787168527131783,687,27,133,11,15,225,106,172,0.025,0.711,0.264,0.99,1,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,7,8,18,1,0,7,0,7,10,0,1,0,15,26,13,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,5,8,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,2,4,21,15,20,23,3,27,0,0,1,7,10,9,0,1,15,78,26,7,0.09570806519277997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696788501983778,0.0,0.09583780228919543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852004693097263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004397097014378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616228730719575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124644253739606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714167153172636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063817277992115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048392873467066125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05000351385851179,0.0918118971463098,0.0,0.0802753842453069,0.0,0.10551847975419144,0.0,0.0,0.08463432596923608,0.101883015081955,0.08573562743289327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520287373882514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469862593843858,0.0803706700697682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6046618587018107,0.0,0.0,0.2910988683919461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639326452867334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18487089151577996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183446981326483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036425079209135,0.0,0.06635192163542157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061313037307567285,0.0,0.0,0.10275464427353187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736148891681713,0.0,0.0,0.2032279834504733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945051358853336,0.0,0.0635841857718208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05580814247778215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995898764699995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193721461257467,0.07677123687615015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935322267579758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326571214394708 bpd,godtiergrace,2020/01/29,DAE have a hard time keeping a job i have had the hardest time in the past year keeping/getting a job. i always end up working for myself again which is so lonely and tiring. i want a regular job so bad with coworkers and a schedule but i know i will wake up after a month and feel like i need to work for myself or need to work somewhere else to feel whole and to match my (at that time) personality. i’m so tired of this non stop switching 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bpd,baby_amoeba,2020/01/29,"just a lil vent today i freaked out over some petty stuff i saw on my bf's phone, and now i'm just high on coke trying to forget about it. we usually do psychadelics every week to talk things out and it's beautiful. i just wish i could be fucking normal, where i don't rely on drugs to get my feelings out in a calm way, but if i'm not high i scream and hurt myself any time i think of negative stuff. i don't like being emotionally stunted like this....... i'm always too sorry or too resentful. it's not fair that some of us have this, and other people just can't come close to understanding. those who try though because they love you, you need to appreciate them because i know that on my best days i'm a handful.",5.529,4.57265146666667,6.4331666666666685,82.33575000000002,67.66666666666666,9.366666666666667,28.75,8.472884824447931,1.7786000000000008,560,15,123,7,8,187,97,150,0.16899999999999998,0.6829999999999999,0.14800000000000002,-0.1245,0,0,1,0,0,2,18.0,2,2,2,1,10,10,2,0,3,0,8,5,1,0,0,30,23,8,0,5,9,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,13,10,1,0,4,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,1,4,19,5,17,19,3,21,0,1,1,2,11,13,1,4,8,82,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344613589663026,0.0,0.0,0.10989126414414366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19701563726881152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958571562511118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920120619104692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902177667692424,0.0,0.0,0.10421647141240242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874008117532667,0.0,0.0,0.1817744821908545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361521481716163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170812224032528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493935000229677,0.08442758055228126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414714683516452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17299255724107854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880929333581188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789592234625402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145847286786653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198218692187591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833040787591054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120307709679012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808942208116379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699790077354687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298852669946643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735763453127428,0.1035446090483248,0.158767889250427,0.0,0.09422830679156542,0.0,0.1531747302574755,0.0,0.0,0.21942703724994914,0.0,0.0,0.16822781282371382,0.19438087442164897,0.0,0.17797588100133233,0.0,0.0,0.1282678999508833,0.1296230861654957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582817374544794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,slamduncan3,2020/01/29,"First breakup after 8 years of being together So I am currently going through a break up with someone I was dating for 8 years. He broke up with me and I am finding it really hard to cope. We are trying to remain friends but I keep doing things that are slowly burning that bridge. I want to get back with him, but not sure if that is due to me being terrified of abandonment or not. He told me the other day that he wasnt sure how much of my feelings are love and how much is just possessiveness. I want to talk to him constantly, and get extremely jealous when he so much as looks at another girl because I feel like he is already replacing me. He has reassured me so many times that this is not the case and he just needs some space to think. I have told him I will leave him alone, but I get this urge to talk to him that just doesnt go away and I eventually give in. He keeps telling me he wants us to be more emotionally independent, which is fair and makes sense - I just don't know how to do this. Looking for any advice on how to cope with a break up to not make things worse between us.",4.458949024543738,4.572810039647578,5.236655129011961,86.39776431718063,69.7488986784141,8.952674638137195,27.668030207677788,8.841846274778883,1.7347510383889242,857,26,193,14,14,279,127,227,0.11,0.792,0.099,-0.3901,1,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,3,0,0,1,13,9,1,0,4,0,22,1,0,7,2,46,45,20,0,5,13,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,14,11,0,3,5,0,0,2,7,3,0,1,4,5,27,6,33,37,5,24,0,2,2,1,27,8,0,3,13,134,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448740492193215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194119432270024,0.1405818398893236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663191449245214,0.13358313994125806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969033979008725,0.09795769950455842,0.0,0.07765786468321935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766706207377505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215823623852157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330048453544056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882791210733224,0.0910099061185618,0.0,0.0,0.11643530535277803,0.10836080347215044,0.0,0.0,0.09842386343973934,0.0,0.1996734589279806,0.12220740543565528,0.14480126681119154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411950855644636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264663034314611,0.0,0.0,0.0700121084812652,0.0,0.0,0.1348912693644277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062238004767445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21395682624223425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497756237733492,0.0,0.17007223417307749,0.12915696308487568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809465314357353,0.09446062896200212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161150615150417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107940056758827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401336379290651,0.0,0.0,0.2047880590280884,0.111347490374206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692690949960453,0.0816285788237236,0.0,0.0,0.07428414515304743,0.0,0.0,0.2434598015603185,0.0,0.08649179020925274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064772695630473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22541987234216426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982480905430038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407441005477122 bpd,FarEasternRepublic,2020/01/29,Help with friend with BPD I do not personally have BPD but a friend of mine that I have known for a long time recently told me she “trusted me enough to tell me” She has BPD. I don’t know much about it but I want to support her as much as I can. Is there anything I should know about it to help?,3.1437692307692338,2.9126891846153846,3.9998076923076944,95.32894230769232,72.53846153846155,7.730769230769233,23.94230769230769,7.1686216300943375,0.4166153846153846,227,5,60,2,4,73,41,65,0.0,0.701,0.299,0.9636,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,0,10,13,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,13,4,11,11,3,3,0,0,0,0,10,0,0,0,3,44,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087626999353246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6927450387005565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18944308659733824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28330182593491343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24578287842191346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20152184111772356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16225343381952564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269557478454926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600886753687506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810298171444091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20805629498079306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602505034543597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690920486350003,0.0,0.0,0.17519279347843025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081408837326835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Batgrill,2020/01/29,"Today is a rough day and it's early in the morning. CW: intrusive thoughts about self harm It's only 7 am, I started working at 6am. One of my coworkers today doesn't talk to me even if it's work related because he doesn't respect me. The other one has a way that triggers my anxiety and depression. I have thought about self harming and/or just jumping in front of a train (working in public transport) already 7 times today. Still 7 hours to go. Also I forgot to take my antidepressants this morning and have to wait about 3 hours to be able to take them. Today is not my day. My mood is fucked. This morning everything was alright. How the fuck can things like this make me SOOOO triggered? I just don't want to today.",2.7195032051282046,4.761700020833338,3.889722222222221,86.90442307692308,76.56944444444444,6.375213675213676,27.743589743589745,7.321109707123232,1.5587282051282054,569,24,111,7,13,185,90,144,0.16699999999999998,0.802,0.031,-0.9622,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,3,9,9,2,0,6,1,13,2,0,4,0,16,25,6,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,9,3,0,2,2,0,0,4,4,5,0,2,4,1,13,3,16,20,0,22,0,1,0,2,6,4,2,1,14,70,22,3,0.1311982896121819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478057503918496,0.1049192248022254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036633244780883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997725960908822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169224086072325,0.0,0.11300089459623527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665523292830743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791256298887905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425814092907772,0.0,0.0,0.07456301145237355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584077747701916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409685722292603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757587708754648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780671295927478,0.09978221127141798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737368586985387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286282466139306,0.0,0.1047751235600281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19728957191951774,0.10545221548738916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716231388486409,0.0,0.0,0.2083135739218236,0.07650277774155992,0.0,0.6218031896950086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738415044373677,0.10413909551643817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28654175220526856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,imsomeonelse,2020/01/29,"Tired I started DBT individual therapy a couple of weeks ago, and group skills therapy a week ago. I know it takes a long time and effort for it to be effective. And I knew this going into therapy, but today idk. I was thinking again it's not worth it, and I have no motivation for the future. I have no reason nor will or strength to go through therapy. I'm too tired to spend months in it, waging a war inside my own head every day. Plus, just thinking about group therapy makes me super anxious. I don't want to do this anymore. I just want to take a break from everything, rest, sleep eternally. &#x200B; Idk.",2.3348898071625332,4.638542867768597,4.043326446280993,84.03347451790638,79.0,7.339118457300277,24.959366391184567,8.344100000000001,1.7991977961432508,481,18,94,10,12,161,82,121,0.233,0.687,0.08,-0.9438,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,6,5,3,1,0,6,0,7,4,2,4,0,21,20,8,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,7,0,3,2,5,1,0,0,2,0,10,2,14,16,2,18,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,13,60,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21684019272035804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252241968874354,0.14861957297286044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817505396414054,0.1212982751939824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533326563039108,0.0,0.07887958500095907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305112809152453,0.0,0.1099239978283836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139022748742074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255249540963808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721816722076827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824016281444676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164261957140385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762636995458134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575465764430158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239794825350615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657137693953182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839232217968937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6993585362033129,0.0,0.0,0.15674212876576865,0.0,0.0,0.07131972167479465,0.28115382617286594,0.11593521630118865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428276291697456,0.0,0.19621879544966184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861957297286044,0.0 bpd,sndyus,2020/01/29,"DAE occasionally get swamped with crippling self doubt and feel like the irrational emotions are only the result of being self-indulgent? Sorry this is awkwardly phrased (if not verbose) since English isn’t my first language. Despite an official diagnosis, I still cannot help but call into question my behaviors during episodes as just a failure of putting these irrational thinking in check like other normal people do. Does anyone else constantly just dismiss and invalidate their feelings?",12.649875000000002,12.780570237500005,10.6475,54.34750000000002,52.875,13.0,51.25,12.161744961471696,6.938000000000002,409,25,49,10,4,125,70,80,0.182,0.76,0.057999999999999996,-0.8311,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,3,4,0,2,4,0,6,0,0,1,0,16,10,5,0,2,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,0,1,1,3,2,0,1,0,2,4,2,6,9,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,5,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895594129741946,0.21827501360283516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21752804999745728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23021038660868898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18642450434799665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779597219328471,0.2396307399110287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21542933367987369,0.1521890956134943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18120371049382614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129969043399113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427899135645274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20815197075374112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087247469085532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201936274406675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476885876184432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141545817633229,0.2386430144383257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4444747299221648,0.0,0.0,0.1762211049265967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23847030373167924,0.0,0.0,0.1701265038559951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650139987193782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,holapa,2020/01/29,"Symptoms and solutions to dealing with quiet borderline? I was diagnosed borderline almost a year ago, but I’ve speculated the diagnoses for a while now and am learning about “quiet” BPD. I’d like to know how some of you with quiet BPD realize and deal with your quiet symptoms? I’m currently going through what feels like an abandonment episode and I don’t want to spend my day crying in bed. I don’t want to hurt myself. I don’t want to starve myself. I don’t want to feed into my paranoia. I just want to ease some of this pressure.",3.3877568134171923,5.3174130377358475,4.6995597484276725,82.34659329140463,74.28301886792453,8.107337526205452,27.815513626834374,8.841846274778883,2.3184897274633123,426,17,81,9,9,141,65,106,0.198,0.6459999999999999,0.156,-0.8992,1,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,2,0,0,4,5,0,1,4,0,6,5,0,1,0,24,15,7,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,8,1,1,4,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,1,5,12,2,17,14,2,9,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,3,8,52,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497216069283761,0.0,0.16913115272111293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4254528095877545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553113269459445,0.10892794432642328,0.3482614978852604,0.0,0.3428643497863025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540202589656615,0.12066376349724453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599101107655957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808132955247924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928242304603787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503416403959334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3511081089757949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.498114460354084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876747738321746 bpd,j3llhell123,2020/01/29,"Do people with BPD enjoy negative attention as well? It seems like I've been getting A LOT of people to hate me, I've done it throughout the years, every single one of my friendships/relationships need to end with a BANG. And, I find that I'm even getting potential bosses not to like me (which is terrible). I kind of enjoy that I somehow got them to react, I've been told I have BPD a few times and I thought I did have it, do people with BPD enjoy negative attention as well?",3.7073343151693683,4.79541419587629,5.2637702503681885,82.00505154639177,71.98969072164948,8.429455081001473,27.259204712812963,8.841846274778883,2.0482029455081006,375,13,75,7,7,127,57,97,0.107,0.7070000000000001,0.18600000000000005,0.7236,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,4,10,1,0,4,0,9,0,0,2,0,16,18,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,2,2,1,7,0,10,8,12,11,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,5,54,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6262163557806129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960554760074747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679296984369805,0.0,0.0,0.1094671147915948,0.0,0.13963979177003416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151479770469739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17318051791747038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325542798777789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363006213746412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258861850719226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194054970015426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090288463512268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289119996927005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230705406061424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447015799576363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793852012148675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087989854833733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157593106935428,0.09664203845415456,0.0,0.0,0.15836792262977198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29803327200300783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672859876886816 bpd,Varij,2020/01/29,"I feel like I HAVE to cope with feeling happy Hello friends, I'm new to this so please bear with me I've noticed for a while that I can't feel just happy. I always feel like I need to cope with that feeling. When I feel bad I have my skills that I use to manage. When I feel really good and happy I feel like I have to do something with it. Is that normal in the context of BPD? Is this simply a me-problem which gets amplified through BPD? Do you feel the same or something similar? I'm German, so I hope I articulated myself understandable enough. Excuse me if I used the wrong flair, I didn't know what to put exactly!! Also I've been lurking here for a short while. You guys are amazingly supportive and it's a breathe of fresh air. My heart goes out to all of you!",1.4894616977225683,3.355105316770185,3.254385093167701,90.84749896480335,79.6832298136646,6.280910973084887,21.913457556935807,7.3011,0.6298617805383024,600,18,133,8,15,200,91,161,0.049,0.698,0.253,0.9849,0,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,3,0,1,7,13,0,0,7,0,11,2,2,2,2,29,30,11,0,4,3,0,9,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,10,7,0,0,11,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,9,23,11,19,28,3,10,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,3,8,86,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659597345512144,0.10050722066902026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085486989668696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042623534521687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480868751107267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5496769259238229,0.2588778813822472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332229985141012,0.0,0.0631079555818426,0.0,0.0,0.10131318766122707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196014051877959,0.0,0.3857506179583261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313710810280172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997204020567205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638319968935562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703614367720186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956449007452319,0.0,0.11666004156393407,0.0,0.0,0.11834886517090888,0.0,0.13752057733809325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325914962252034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558002098698787,0.0,0.12142763183679438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738137055612464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18598057575215102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707142113959944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257469806651068,0.0,0.2086481040375877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206525046527606,0.0,0.0 bpd,whichwaysup1592,2020/01/29,"BPD has ruined my life I hate this disorder, it done nothing but completely destroy my relationship with my wife and daughter. After another bad night(won’t go into detail) I’m sitting here on my own alone wondering if things will ever get better but I strongly believe it never will. I’m absolutely terrified about never seeing my wife and child again and it’s eating me up inside. I don’t know what good it’ll do writing this but I just need form of support before I have a total breakdown.",3.7345626477541347,6.261910659574468,5.179078014184399,76.5338888888889,75.38297872340425,7.1565011820330975,28.52955082742316,8.167268648758528,2.431523877068558,398,17,64,7,9,133,71,94,0.179,0.657,0.16399999999999998,-0.166,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,5,8,2,0,1,0,8,2,0,0,4,18,18,7,0,2,5,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,8,5,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,1,11,4,7,14,3,10,0,1,1,0,6,3,0,2,5,50,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069118858706191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20948680620673385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166808000625062,0.0,0.0,0.1699981118179962,0.22508370844850628,0.0,0.17668922318354854,0.0,0.0,0.25161598491387976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20946558608830293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289652505013919,0.0,0.0,0.20444435782848255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20442487082036626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807124968499023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437683281854283,0.0,0.11353960886195942,0.16756603114983687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19724144315065506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979389321129253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411105606373471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813437895104753,0.3081653880419753,0.0,0.0,0.18748004760429016,0.0,0.1916943503170828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144890128524756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919883776458127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267080382588797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272499102738122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21665294697558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,roominatingthoughts,2020/01/29,"Dae ever struggle so terribly but it feels like no one around you notices? I'm struggling so badly, its affecting my moods constantly and just my general well being. Like I'm just not doing well and it's the only way I can put it because it's not as simple as just being depressed or whatever. I'm a walking disaster waiting to happen. So uncontrollably irritable and I dont know what to do about it. But the worst part is that if feels like no one close to me notices. They can obviously tell I'm being a massive dick for no reason and my anger is off the charts for no reason and I cant control my emotions in any way but it just feels like not one person can look past that and be like ""oh shes really struggling with something right now, maybe I should ask how things are"". I dont want to sound selfish because I know I can be hard to approach when I'm like this, but it just feels like not one person actually cares about why I havent been doing well. I dont know, I just needed to vent, I'm sorry.",3.3334285714285734,4.261256914285717,4.929047619047619,84.65928571428572,72.71428571428571,7.6952380952380945,26.380952380952376,8.021203637495839,1.4847523809523808,792,26,167,11,15,268,110,210,0.273,0.5920000000000001,0.134,-0.9898,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,1,19,22,1,4,5,0,23,1,1,5,2,44,43,19,0,4,16,0,5,7,0,1,0,1,0,2,13,9,0,2,9,0,0,3,13,10,3,4,1,7,18,11,16,36,2,15,0,1,1,1,7,5,1,2,12,116,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.09619877990966537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703702801521051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877561151814746,0.09215795827880202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230925845504496,0.12018555704027467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005077518934548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652876311322253,0.1105646114281952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490585654896966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.346601187122259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088798686577032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917025294673016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19937780213394102,0.2816991249414562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717298998744925,0.0,0.0883073257355646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252914547114558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33712467576815097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278144283707266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903574845549663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309500046442878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22446544732253812,0.0,0.0,0.2671984379930205,0.07497369066520873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067513352507588,0.09410470830940976,0.0,0.17215057493175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990990156714988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315216345263358,0.20271104168229348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418583644933958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589084836896269,0.0,0.11035100053479273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091681898725072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616229798649286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549143655568099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05814438549549944,0.15649467442982049,0.0,0.0,0.2659027923999749,0.0,0.08895211844546712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bigdumbidiot127,2020/01/29,"How to handle irrational jealousy? I have an amazing partner and I’m so lucky to be with someone so sweet and accommodating. I never have to ask twice for reassurance and they always give me more than enough in terms of compliments and love. However I still struggle with debilitating jealousy or irrational insecurity. Does anyone have any tips? It’ll be small things like mentioning a food they like that I know someone else introduced them to or mentioning a precious hookup or relationship when replying to questions and I end up in tears. I just want to know if anyone has any tips or helpful guidance on being better to a partner who goes above and beyond to make me feel secure whilst I seem to be unable to control my feelings sometimes. Any help or guidance is appreciated! Thanks! Edit: I am in therapy with a psychiatrist and taking meds so I’m trying my best",4.2940000000000005,7.111812400000005,5.420000000000004,74.01500000000001,75.0,8.0,30.0,8.841846274778883,2.9756875000000007,704,32,115,16,16,232,103,160,0.086,0.636,0.278,0.9894,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,3,8,15,0,2,5,0,11,2,0,3,1,29,25,18,0,2,7,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,10,1,2,6,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,3,15,13,22,20,4,13,0,0,0,1,16,7,0,9,8,81,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609089549489978,0.0,0.0,0.33366910745393424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287229737818717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290188419792733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17164092405423814,0.14465114182037572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834408848537968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431281177806365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662924908984786,0.0,0.14486121983206054,0.1689960774545669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539668512021094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19777140371789825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689689777289054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21925499159059672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977114542429673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980946222981454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761480931686335,0.0,0.10917425930096362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816727787208002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261437297833493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832190762556364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559690431603334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488943658209393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771593094627404,0.0,0.1617601167630604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061526630670345,0.0,0.0,0.17098323953227307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297303548890427,0.0,0.0,0.1505795066231761,0.18703944233201916,0.0,0.10865870116065694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104313620176202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646900022347224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,flowerdough,2020/01/29,"Having a lot of trouble in romantic relationships hey there fellow BPD havers: I'm having a lot of trouble in my romantic relationships. yesterday and today, i got in a fight with my new boyfriend about how he thinks women who are thin, and have super big eyes, look Classically Beautiful. He explained he meant like, they look like the ideal societal version of Classic Beauty. I asked if I look like a Classic Beauty (stupid to do, I know) and he was basically like...nah. I tried to self soothe and say I was cute. He kept trying to backpedal and be like, oh no, but you're exactly what i want, etc, etc but the damage was done. I feel like he isn't listening to me and DOESN'T get it. I don't care what society thinks, I just want him to think I'm pretty and shit. and i DON'T want to hear about other women being pretty in a way I can never be. I don't think that's too much to ask. This morning, I kept asking myself if maybe I should get eyelid surgery to look prettier (I am Caucasian with genetically half-hooded eyes) so they could look bigger. Or change my clothes to look more Classic. I was running round in round in my head what I could do to fit that for him. I fought w/him via text all day today. took 15 min off work to call him. 12 minutes into the call his phone died. He told me 30 minutes later, which I get, he was looking for the charger or whatever. I honestly thought he had hung up on me and I was crying in my office. I've cried three times today. I think it's honestly only that I'm on Lamictal and Cymbalta that I'm not suicidal rn. We were hashing it out again tonight and he told me my conflict style isn't healthy, that it's win/lose and that I need to work on it and grow/change with him. I TOLD him when we got together this was my conflict style, and he even said that he was always centered/calm in an argument. I was so excited, but I don't think that's how he actually is. I kept telling him I am working to get into DBT but I'm not in it yet. It's not likely that conflict part of me is going to change, I literally can't control it yet. I am just reactive AF and try to self soothe, but it gets way too much. He said that he always feels like he's walking a thin line with me, and that there's a score board and he's getting points for good things, points for bad things. At that point I hyperventilated and started sobbing, it's exactly what my ex told me and I know it's because I have BPD, and because I'm a terrible person. It reminds me of that book ""walking on eggshells"" and even reading the summary makes me cry and feel toxic, bad and awful. I told him we would maybe talk later, etc, got off the phone somehow. Took a Xanax. I can't handle my own thoughts rn. I texted him to cancel our date this Sunday too, and that if he wants me, at this point he'll have to chase me. I only got a response to the Sunday text and it was literally just ""Ok."" I think it's over, and it sucks. He doesn't even respond to me. I tried to call him once but he won't pick up, valid I guess. It just sucks to be this mentally ill, and to have everything be ruined over and over, even with people you're really hopeful about. It feels like no matter what I have to offer, my conflict style and my BPD and my trauma that are all wrapped together just ends up at a null, zero, fuckass o'clock. There's kind of no point in trying to get close to people, I feel like, until I can try to fix this or whatever the shit.",2.1070716945996253,3.654287090782123,3.73159776536313,89.56344878957171,76.83519553072625,6.784506517690875,23.665176908752326,7.554174236665415,0.9202254003724396,2671,84,590,36,60,890,286,716,0.14400000000000002,0.7390000000000001,0.11800000000000001,-0.9819,0,0,0,0,1,1,93.0,4,0,2,6,27,36,7,0,20,2,51,7,5,5,5,113,125,48,2,14,20,1,9,9,1,4,2,5,0,6,48,42,0,8,18,2,0,6,18,16,0,2,33,23,85,20,73,81,13,70,0,3,11,0,74,39,5,11,32,364,133,5,0.0,0.0,0.05209075136825839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888321416736166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970805126058812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913940741272712,0.06507936977703363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016890650335789,0.0,0.1635194996904072,0.0,0.05442401992396295,0.0,0.16940549274337566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05986971653322967,0.08523847172791531,0.0,0.1759048234940632,0.034425400815527384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05539955669401759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05462582381365829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04727844708618579,0.0,0.1785969620421286,0.14102678622450462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04797410742515006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495154939934756,0.15253747596134554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19522032196113429,0.0,0.03033683460596338,0.0447722431275124,0.17077004474865395,0.0,0.05880360442345305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054782829512427605,0.0,0.060162644670440565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05301794836969386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05558659843491474,0.05867202137617625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260785571620318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31377771033547946,0.0,0.0,0.0907627876540108,0.0,0.0,0.03563127141631164,0.0,0.10725388729896626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05379404240536407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848023842128665,0.03958026805569425,0.041169608130666016,0.051554312570159806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056847490264383974,0.0,0.08119512291672445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780486268119672,0.0,0.0740133328633035,0.046608973653789236,0.0,0.0,0.2523046943634798,0.0,0.0,0.10861240751792536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0533940061919648,0.0,0.03419631359012931,0.0,0.0,0.11461934338021132,0.0,0.0,0.10155237247166256,0.04244956934600553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137304738821928,0.0,0.109586704408576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03778232796558514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838857579828598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042904469089432136,0.04665608904756224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709260167660252,0.2394242708783576,0.0,0.08475481763877067,0.031126051242242325,0.0,0.15179274674510854,0.2550322899718307,0.1186133125521779,0.2174473076487465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593859220045758,0.08474042169594373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658286830202134,0.0,0.0,0.03791930854647435,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jethalo,2020/01/29,"I just made a huge dinner, and then the depression hit, and i don’t want to eat anything. I hate my life. There is no end to this madness.",0.054999999999999716,1.8199465000000004,2.0766666666666684,97.985,84.0,5.333333333333334,20.0,6.42735559955562,-0.09499999999999977,105,3,26,1,3,35,26,30,0.365,0.534,0.10099999999999999,-0.8853,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,2,0,2,3,0,1,0,5,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,2,4,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368694718458943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525822897196177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.418878809285296,0.0,0.0,0.3625726088545425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40415953556483103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891439939775847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873475620593999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414519022079413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Bunbuncrazypants,2020/01/29,"DAE randomly “tune in” and find themselves talking? I get lost in trains of thought. I frequently will randomly “tune in” to reality (not having ever realized I was gone) and find that I am talking. Its usually crazy things like, “I’m going to kill myself” or “I want to die” even if I’m not actually suicidal. I don’t know why I say those things.",1.3136764705882342,3.805401544117647,3.8632352941176498,82.50455882352944,85.02941176470588,8.105882352941178,26.14705882352941,8.841846274778883,2.562817647058824,267,12,53,8,8,93,48,68,0.18600000000000005,0.711,0.10300000000000001,-0.7851,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,15,14,4,3,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,4,1,8,1,7,9,0,8,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,4,4,33,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.2217767508220976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235864013435416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010564066662502,0.2055731786523776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154301141065493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873599045005535,0.0,0.12915929281906371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514337967075361,0.0,0.12489827774784193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102964579328407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24808535698760595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18072934860930154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485897838971136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653321751161952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30196802952448176,0.0,0.0,0.18042212464514135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25029904171929257,0.0,0.1340461168618601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20507029118355785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,adidasfox,2020/01/29,"I just discovered this sub In my 21 years of living, Never have I had everything that I feel, expressed from other people. I felt so alone, I still feel fucking insane. I think it is clear that my struggle is attributed to this diagnosis. I'm not asking for one, I am getting help this week. I am nervous the therapist wont believe me, or my boyfriend won't believe me. I am so SO lost, I am so close to just not holding on anymore I am glad that I found this place. Everything I feel, is being said here. And people understand. I feel trapped and I am the one trapping myself. I'm rambling but it feels good to get it out, I can't string together what I want to say coherently.",1.5194409937888196,3.6944091014492777,3.4745755693581764,87.70826086956524,81.17391304347827,6.551552795031056,25.799171842650104,7.7094869923839395,1.5199258799171842,528,22,109,9,14,178,83,138,0.09,0.8240000000000001,0.086,0.1137,1,2,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,1,2,2,0,15,1,0,1,2,24,33,8,0,1,6,0,6,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,12,4,0,1,9,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,5,8,23,2,10,25,0,9,0,1,0,1,5,5,1,1,4,79,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848578079648666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133327861133853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520823617535473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665657408026201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29240974678918746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4112754828241425,0.0,0.15619679358263386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17836848969333294,0.0,0.15039357696170694,0.16998551920301938,0.0,0.0,0.13644693959680154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090399151137606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364802434686036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775827112502305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546762550695306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204702136732578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255614651648178,0.0,0.16996432347479684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15474442941231656,0.1293684081891671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299151955202738,0.0,0.0,0.17006680476664182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18888218284847935,0.0,0.10423776220173564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935397129803614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959519463540268,0.0,0.1304908150772783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475956818758653 bpd,throwaway299592,2020/01/29,"Feeling really low after rejection So there's this girl in my class that I've been wanting to talk to for quite some time now. Typical BPD making me think that she is perfect and already getting extremely attached to her. Well I finally went up to her today and talked to her. I thought it was going really good and we kept the convo going. I ask for her number and she kinda hesitates but gives it to me. I was so happy with myself because I have never really went up to a girl like that before, nor anybody really. I was so certain this was it. Well I text her tonight and ask how she's doing to get a ""K, u?"" I was already done at this point and ready to just stop living, but I tell her I'm good and try to start a conversation to get a ""Cool."" Im honestly really low right now. Why do I always fail at everything I do. Why do I create these peefect visions in my head when I know the end result will always be the same. This is just the cherry on top of a million other things I've messed up in life. I'm not sure about anything anymore.",2.5038289260658435,3.7660556376146768,4.567139773340529,85.15856718834324,75.19266055045874,7.514732865623315,24.2914193200216,8.124751697461798,1.3603785213167834,811,25,170,13,17,280,126,218,0.09300000000000001,0.722,0.18600000000000005,0.968,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,0,4,13,16,0,0,9,1,16,2,1,3,4,31,36,15,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,13,9,0,2,4,0,0,4,3,5,2,1,11,2,28,11,26,23,2,30,0,4,0,0,19,14,0,2,13,119,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733765032477759,0.0,0.20613142243288968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284092591653548,0.0,0.0,0.10193044841999103,0.0,0.2315943529342778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550703388681337,0.0,0.10540010296954977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600379577804305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675703357067755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970774051694454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132199243634233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626299317186717,0.0,0.0,0.135688195998438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941432550466472,0.11882271990210265,0.1407908162884204,0.207784389467812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318567346949917,0.0,0.0,0.12712135899847482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379559631833002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807303637753068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748960480920351,0.06051424609977193,0.0,0.10937517955833076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268093644665651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553242469554596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709258508418036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317458131620208,0.0,0.0,0.3967558717763115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578014467145798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767237690820089,0.0,0.0,0.1035567954231763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674141962592287,0.0,0.0,0.19911619995894514,0.10826358364593988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229048882552137,0.07936777417866804,0.0,0.0983350777588468,0.07222675369975923,0.0,0.11740966055779793,0.0,0.0,0.08409629289835972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305886321208138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227392558726519,0.2296484338764033,0.2235380286007242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Narcopepsi,2020/01/29,"How do I handle this effectively? TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual Trauma, Self Harm, Suicidal Ideation, Physical Assault The past couple of weeks have been absolute hell due to a variety of reasons and I have no clue why they've come up now. I started, for lack of a better word, re-experiencing traumatic events that have happened to me throughout my life. Prior to a couple years ago, I had knowledge that something sexual happened to me as a child but the memories weren't really there and what little was was just very fuzzy, and so I really hadn't processed it obviously. As stupid as it is going to sound, the memories ""came back"" in 2018 while I was watching a TV show dealing with trauma and repressed memories. I attempted suicide shortly after. There's a lot of stuff from my childhood that I had previously blocked out that have ended up ""unearthing"" themselves, things that primarily involve my mother. I'm convinced that she was my catalyst. I was raised by my grandparents and she was constantly either in and out of my life by choice or by force of my grandparents, which I feel is the underlying source of my abandonment issues. And then she died, which sent me further down the feelings of abandonment rabbit hole. I'm pretty sure she also had BPD but I can't be certain. I was physically assaulted by my aunt's boyfriend two days before this past Thanksgiving and I've been left severely traumatized to the point where I cannot sleep at night out of fear of him coming to my house to kill me. It was reported but no marks were left (physical ones, at least) and my aunt called me a liar to my face. As a result I've been legally barred from their residence, despite the fact that I was the victim in this scenario. All of this is relevant because these events (as well as others) have been replaying through my mind over and over and over and over without any breaks and I'm convinced that all of it is my fault somehow although I can't even think of a reason. I have been seriously contemplating suicide but even then, I don't know if I actually want to die or if I just want all of this to go away.. or alternatively I don't know if I just want to take back control. Nighttime is hell and my days are spent either sleeping or dissociating, I've even thought about cutting myself again because I just can't handle all of these emotions. I'm constantly bouncing back and forth between angry and happy and angry and sad and sad to just feeling absolutely nothing and sometimes it's just an absolute clusterfuck of intensity that I can't pinpoint exactly what it is I'm feeling, I just know that I want it to end and I'm scared as to what extremes I'd take to make it. I think about how men with BPD are more likely to die by suicide and the irrational part of myself says I might as well end it now instead of later. The point is, I'm fresh out of ideas and I really don't know how to proceed effectively from here. I don't even know if anyone here can help me, but I'm desperate for options and advice at this point.",6.322653061224492,6.597436163265308,6.8358095238095276,75.9758571428572,65.76870748299321,10.121360544217687,33.97687074829932,9.957137785484203,3.2879736054421755,2416,101,453,50,35,791,264,588,0.23,0.6940000000000001,0.076,-0.9988,2,0,1,0,0,7,51.0,0,0,1,5,33,30,9,3,20,0,48,6,3,11,9,105,85,54,8,9,23,3,4,1,0,1,2,2,0,3,35,33,1,5,18,3,1,6,14,21,2,2,24,7,58,9,82,59,11,66,2,4,1,0,18,28,2,12,32,330,93,2,0.0,0.0,0.07429832811125264,0.0,0.0,0.07439979368139872,0.0674904924043069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608864027833136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051775491412203625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05323647335160578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153283170794196,0.17563301212393406,0.0,0.09282431606302334,0.0,0.0647866295859711,0.0,0.0,0.06733662587076884,0.0,0.0,0.1917827373280171,0.0,0.07774397003603792,0.08707997489366208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311698598035834,0.0,0.1645532095626273,0.08539365868360498,0.0,0.1684873753613933,0.0,0.09820360267300762,0.07849348019949362,0.0,0.0,0.23705327715688584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564341501509523,0.2023032581753316,0.0,0.0,0.2011499961155975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567482995157125,0.15398778835821395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654035628997038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346546685645792,0.08104881483434649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051032750772780015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785140150914335,0.0,0.0859489416986871,0.0,0.07946681809714619,0.0,0.0,0.08423385524761301,0.0,0.2092133910845199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544525362546528,0.0,0.10755504899334684,0.03719649161892054,0.07630886406208773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472860536927122,0.0,0.0,0.05082176442406597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807688892530255,0.07687625087332497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144903122161363,0.0,0.07305511064153779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051592123193926816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244850652184116,0.14536197863116065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159210586152145,0.0,0.0,0.07745828269658253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632514566854074,0.1565621882193084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060546871538749714,0.07622600780872787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942706718799887,0.0860126742467703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238314803675146,0.0,0.0,0.05861366597428112,0.07530103341190332,0.0,0.05388986962673288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715817898216541,0.3331242839590348,0.0,0.0717578341724213,0.0,0.11449047935192605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05058176669455223,0.09757050404897404,0.0,0.06044394719339701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437438445626528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282065966319159,0.17962933149166602,0.0,0.06107217927515862,0.0,0.13691187444708036,0.0,0.06870142935969087,0.0,0.0,0.07339295493673684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049029467134154806 bpd,alanaalion,2020/01/29,"DAE feel like its their responsibility to fix things all the time? Even when its not their problem? DAE feel so codependent on their SO that guilt sets in for even the littlest of things? A slight change in a tone of voice. Feeling guilty for waking him up when I can't sleep. Feeling bad for reminding him that he has a project to turn in for work. Not leaving the house or feeding myself unless he is awake- out of fear he will get upset that I took the car and went out without him. I don't know why or how I got to these levels of codependency and fear in my relationship but I can definitely see that it's becoming an issue. & DISCLAIMER: I am NOT in any sort of abusive relationship. He has done nothing to me to incite this type of guilt and fear and apprehension. My brain has kind of hardwired itself to be reliant and wait around on him. I wish I knew why. My SO is a freelance worker who dictates their own life & schedule and I do love them very much. However, sometimes they entirely drop the ball with a deadline/turnaround time with clients and I feel like it is MY ROLE to pick up the pieces for them, as if it is something that will reflect on me. DAE feel like its their responsibility to fix things all the time? Even when its not their problem? Sometimes it's out of a place of wanting him to be succesful but sometimes, I think I have a more selfish reasoning behind it all. EXAMPLE: (giant snowball effect) If I help him out. He won't get in trouble. Therefore he won't have an attitude with me if he were to get upset. Which prevents me from feeling anxious or blaming things on myself or asking myself how I could've done more. However, I'm not sure if this makes me seem controlling but I can't stop? I just want to help. I just want to make him more aware. More responsible. But, if at the end of the day it's just causing me emotional turmoil, is it worth it? How do I control my urges to be in control? How am I supposed to stop this codependency?? Sorry for the lengthy post and rambling.",3.290013568521029,5.026516522388062,4.189764812302126,86.72120081411127,74.07462686567165,6.962279511533242,27.604703753957487,7.686295010490155,1.5211781094527357,1590,62,326,21,33,512,187,402,0.128,0.73,0.142,0.5457,2,0,1,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,9,6,17,20,0,9,19,0,28,6,3,14,4,80,57,33,0,11,23,0,7,3,0,4,1,1,0,0,28,16,1,7,14,1,1,3,11,14,0,0,7,9,49,6,57,43,10,39,0,0,1,1,31,22,0,11,14,233,77,4,0.0,0.10226899403910712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18704422812337687,0.0,0.058697064231900714,0.0,0.0,0.097511222536272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683852464909897,0.08069274185819053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206930219698401,0.0,0.09532798075626188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635592909094763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866913709172762,0.09130967626788863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29042836284314666,0.06891539170015966,0.0,0.0,0.055665943641270116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666013802212693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709259912491128,0.07644934579118486,0.0,0.0,0.17103045167033726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913846412400771,0.3055037045694746,0.18499005833396084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352878545137381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903387804789253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571006158849928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959575885414496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009028787418773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988364354184136,0.04743638937927047,0.0,0.0,0.09139497318734968,0.0,0.0,0.060966737804246864,0.12650724106362726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790253053541597,0.0,0.11523167774607752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345135314942096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282143548683411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018065685670403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266577564227205,0.0,0.0,0.1651833266748106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874605114833951,0.0,0.1853397130506144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878176769262485,0.07857780620790351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637719492570768,0.0,0.0,0.06644939570286007,0.2561028089362681,0.09662241835923216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443261747079847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135073345857069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22937502881398794,0.05530707664081836,0.0,0.0,0.15099266586703972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958989846917886,0.0,0.09388578105499128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121879860075267,0.15273222118585034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001473938436267,0.15577147032152264,0.0,0.0992578285033283,0.08320444427641377,0.0,0.06283824562386114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,alivegirl773,2020/01/30,Help am I doing the right thing I am under so much stress right now in grad school. It’s the beginning of the semester but already everything is piling up because it’s been so hard for me to get out of bed. I’m currently experiencing overwhelming emotions and I feel “on fire”. I feel like my only two options right now are to get drunk and self harm or binge eat an entire sleeve of cookies in order to feel better and it seems stupid but I don’t know what else to do.,2.6470360824742265,4.247922608247425,4.101636597938143,87.2518363402062,75.49484536082474,7.32422680412371,23.465206185567013,8.07648339933343,1.1568360824742263,371,11,79,6,8,123,69,97,0.184,0.733,0.083,-0.8987,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,2,4,0,8,2,0,0,0,13,17,8,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,4,2,0,5,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,6,7,2,14,16,1,14,0,1,0,0,2,9,0,3,5,50,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21975418346464687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213929242674889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17612173773967987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037683048087834,0.1663545857498512,0.2240039040175171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17897275924502873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020710853004576,0.14226451739445187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20808319652488516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17838889745611594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334782762205454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944126029401294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972889665472174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463896419373711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145373166471152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5101893332357031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20153869887170453,0.0,0.1812881261635333,0.20774478845381664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22811237182909716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322987086594555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945292872098421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sadoji,2020/01/30,"fuck this I need to just let some steam off. I don't have anyone around me who can really relate or understand what I mean. Nothing is going particularly bad, but nothing is going great either. I'm chronically bored, empty, passively suicidal, in a good relationship but struggling with money and I'm the one who takes in our small income monthly but I can't really work more than 16 hours atm. All I do is smoke weed because I'm so sad all the time and just need something to take my mind from it. I'm not eating properly, simply because my mind is telling me I don't want to (I've had food issues for years) and I've gotten past the point of being a 'fussy eater' and it's now developed into something bigger imo. I go to college, doing the thing I love(d) but my social anxiety has ruined it for me as I have completely isolated myself and don't feel like I'm good enough for the course anymore as everyone seems better than me. I'm literally only there atm for the student loan and money. However, professionals don't seem to help. Like they're trying but I think I'm the problem like I feel I'm a lost cause who can't really be helped, like I'm past the point of no return really. I'm also dealing with a lot of repressed shit atm, like it'll just pop into my head and it triggers my mood swings. Has been taking me well over an hour to fall asleep most nights, simply because my brain won't shut up and that's the time for all the intrusive thoughts to be really loud. I've been diagnosed with bpd for over a year now, and have been struggling with shit for years. But today I got the thought of; what if I have faked this the whole time? Like what if I have convinced myself over the years to be depressed and to have these feelings and thoughts and now it's at the point where I've ingrained it into myself and all this is just habit rather than an actual illness? I find it hard to verbalise how intense everything really is and how horrible I feel all the time. Like the thoughts and feelings are screaming at me in my head, but when it comes to explain how I feel, what I've been thinking etc I always downplay, I don't want fuss or worry about me. Simply because I don't feel worth the trouble. I know this then means I'm depriving myself of help; but this thought of 'faking it' pops up a lot and convinces me that I'm fine and others have it worse, therefore my problems don't matter. This is long I know. But I have no one to speak to around me. No friends, my family would never understand the extent of it all and it's hard to explain everything without making it sound like my bpd is my parents doing. I don't blame them but it's been confirmed my childhood and upbringing is most likely a factor in it, like it is for a lot of people. My bf has his own shit to deal with, and I cry the same shit to him everyday, about how much I hate myself, want to die etc. I honestly cannot be arsed anymore. Can't be arsed with living, eating, socialising or doing even the most basic things. I just want to cry all day, every day. I don't wanna be like this anymore, I want to enjoy life and just be able to live like a normal person. But I can't. At the moment I'm just sitting around waiting to die really, unless something better comes along the way, which I doubt. TL;DR I'm just ranting and depressed about my problems and my life.",3.4747202576045098,4.7301280498533735,4.6434759358288815,85.5891354723708,72.75366568914956,7.4018055315968025,25.102754298200217,7.861635385654353,1.2957728940256454,2638,80,538,35,51,868,278,682,0.255,0.6779999999999999,0.067,-0.9993,3,0,4,0,0,1,64.0,1,0,1,4,29,50,6,4,33,0,59,17,8,8,8,135,119,50,3,16,29,1,9,12,2,3,5,4,0,1,38,38,3,2,25,0,7,6,21,25,1,2,14,13,65,24,75,93,24,62,0,6,0,1,22,26,5,15,40,362,103,4,0.055363298904273474,0.0,0.05402659347869181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044274010131538526,0.04606669974976119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04235277212575632,0.0,0.16471654785253506,0.03871130585468465,0.0,0.0,0.14785522117736624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04622604205852821,0.13499581259393198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792867766013197,0.0,0.0,0.1394562737715529,0.06180375131942247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05687335849724842,0.0,0.09538115960905326,0.0580473655702901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162796837221015,0.07140949540362551,0.11415426035201776,0.09536865644322834,0.05619258299955094,0.11491672704998646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330095248359055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057205087310772215,0.1234894258108048,0.03656693678256512,0.0,0.046645967126352585,0.052902004645085314,0.09951392641807964,0.0,0.052191590999526236,0.0,0.1959534318490419,0.03955155179932315,0.0,0.0,0.05060105220777896,0.0,0.06694552079351009,0.0,0.04277354739884084,0.051182477724687515,0.0,0.0,0.09439271584506763,0.09287221685395856,0.04427908766735267,0.06103823249157615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918928271618167,0.05465979576879538,0.11363743397581033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132655674183906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904339466680013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778490021943621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060852442404878526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056612724107881186,0.07820947060670493,0.3245725360365888,0.0,0.09777361447025856,0.0489947773488662,0.0,0.0,0.06043558073739279,0.1412036907543272,0.04996753878861087,0.0,0.036955431921664034,0.0,0.0,0.1206137256279608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180229918175022,0.0,0.044190456988709784,0.0,0.04069839487745736,0.08210236926341115,0.042699589154091035,0.0,0.0,0.05195470560893888,0.054244278184818036,0.10624515691015783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750312083019462,0.0421062835824953,0.0,0.0,0.06147439162849733,0.0,0.10570106658395433,0.038381940570792084,0.04834109714122405,0.0,0.0,0.1570086373925582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892560022366106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24827002855456895,0.0,0.0,0.059439463886968164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080133604472266,0.0,0.0,0.2273185229330145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056435911168274525,0.0,0.12786411690771468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157554813513577,0.0,0.06055846317425175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487893218535805,0.0,0.04838996347851236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356183150039748,0.07094913293165488,0.0,0.21976137594747547,0.12913113924375175,0.0,0.052477933900624586,0.0,0.0,0.03758804581361664,0.0,0.0,0.1152702933019025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632735405367689,0.04394480972076576,0.0,0.0,0.04977825457984855,0.0,0.0,0.06181114608923473,0.0,0.05336824449979103,0.0,0.040305140976018665,0.05622411743577086,0.056419931402403034,0.03932849909095003,0.0,0.0,0.14260859734918754 bpd,torgoboi,2020/01/30,"How to Get Used to a New Therapist? Hi guys! I could really use some input from someone who knows where I'm coming from. I recently had to switch to a new therapist after several years with one I was very attached to. I had my first appointment today and it was *horrible.* It was so awkward, I was at a loss for how to explain what I struggle with and why, I already feel like he hates me (not a rational thought, I know, but the feeling is still there). He wants me to come back next time with a couple of goals we can work towards this year, but all of my goals (my worth not being so tied to outside validation, better sense of self, that sort of thing) are huge and I worry that if I come in with a list like that, he'll be overwhelmed. I also just felt like I was rambling in trying to explain stuff to him, but I was just going in circles lol. I want to give it at least a few more sessions because I know it takes more than an hour to get a sense of whether someone is right for me. What has been helpful to you when seeing someone new, and what hasn't been? What sort of stuff should I make sure he knows up front, and what can wait until I'm more comfortable with him?",6.321953551912571,4.6971341188524605,6.654754098360659,83.56715846994537,66.41803278688525,9.772677595628416,32.21857923497268,8.344100000000001,2.138749726775956,911,29,203,10,12,296,138,244,0.043,0.8029999999999999,0.154,0.9805,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,1,0,6,12,11,1,3,10,1,21,0,0,5,2,48,50,17,0,5,9,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,17,14,0,1,10,0,1,5,3,5,0,2,12,4,26,6,38,33,7,31,0,2,1,0,16,10,0,4,19,145,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268359432298765,0.09191515392956563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883795319727712,0.0,0.0700645867493891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165252090907734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970243922359811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176791842371912,0.1271757102866256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623129814870238,0.08211108415495243,0.11035763644424024,0.0,0.0,0.0977654349122035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200997773303709,0.11025813540575546,0.06532140022970809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380579515704192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347658653284184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703991249774989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318988697910635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252665687793665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16845737783000686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672140390087802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330208898229187,0.1222369052416618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788435066199226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736316466571087,0.0,0.11348651591872234,0.0,0.0,0.0981556517477061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158998434077498,0.0,0.11990445769543215,0.12984620263117505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921574846808921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178891312019087,0.0,0.0,0.12015720797585765,0.2631509523029956,0.0,0.0,0.1083268525007678,0.0,0.0864183918908251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26690165383656794,0.07635909922787068,0.0,0.0,0.09124721541135636,0.06702074481973948,0.0,0.10894692751008464,0.0,0.0,0.07803474333148418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198537495029614,0.0,0.094835141163596,0.1355857539579127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371285157460083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367557458556467,0.11672419989310034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803144257868606 bpd,again_again_again__,2020/01/30,DAE go above and beyond to give folks a good reason to hate you because you fear they probably hate you already? It makes no sense but at the same time makes all the sense.,5.621714285714283,5.355915314285717,5.057857142857143,89.96964285714287,67.28571428571429,8.142857142857144,26.07142857142857,7.1686216300943375,0.9127142857142854,136,3,30,1,2,41,28,35,0.213,0.737,0.05,-0.6652,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,1,0,1,4,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,7,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,4,6,2,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055554449209772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687898196066802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115786833816335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265618504992733,0.15736319691237344,0.2322425329799715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5467438961417185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696529880557202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985346860164861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846894502171402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614570206271545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kitten3346,2020/01/30,"idk what to do i’ve been with my bf for ab 4 months now. our relationship has been pretty healthy, so far. he’s much older than me but he told me he hasn’t been with many people n before me he hasn’t been in a relationship in 2 years. the other night we were drunk n he fell asleep. we took a lot pictures on his phone and i wanted to send them to my phone. he told me before i can go through his phone whenever i want and even showed me all his pictures in his camera roll. i never went through someone’s phone before and i trust him so i have no need to even think about going on his phone. as soon as i got in, there was a tab already open for his pictures and it was at the top and i saw pictures of girls, i’m assuming his exes? i don’t think they were his friends cause in the pictures there was a lot of skin showing n he’s told me he’s never really been friends w girls as he’s very picky w who he chooses to be friends with. i freaked out (on the inside) and deleted them. i don’t go through people’s phones for this exact reason, getting my feelings hurt. if it was the other way around and i had pictures of my exes he’d be hurt too. i know that stuff is in the past and he’s with me now so it shouldn’t matter but i can’t stop thinking about it. it’s driving me crazy.",-0.7661094224924021,1.2941491773049665,1.318952380952382,99.95700000000002,90.91489361702128,3.9320770010131714,17.63161094224924,5.288315135182226,-0.7491223100303951,996,27,242,5,35,329,136,282,0.09300000000000001,0.812,0.095,-0.0956,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,3,0,3,1,14,7,0,0,10,0,26,3,2,2,4,41,46,17,0,5,3,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,12,17,1,1,8,3,0,8,9,3,0,0,19,3,42,4,36,23,4,35,0,2,1,0,46,15,0,4,11,154,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754895058072147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096055177065588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181913598789768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804483716543352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465380591824133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630243000440867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28890144997877193,0.0,0.0651219122754141,0.0,0.2125160224284886,0.0,0.09969006086521924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668702825133526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850167885925508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119375875047108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637055217447626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949051750933953,0.0,0.0916284791802943,0.09242275101213156,0.192267947057532,0.0,0.0,0.11697096840160175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898783733344925,0.1728264150504912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680886196541585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985083304706428,0.12815590679098332,0.0,0.2676443479234913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561137586824056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420887213595044,0.0,0.0,0.1426888010285575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396026121888503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573111602420673,0.13848527550784154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284524885493622,0.14703780092371968,0.0989374665685278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554724238160168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802673479659683 bpd,whitegreyredblack,2020/01/30,"Desperately want to contact my FP Long story but basically I haven't been around my FP in seven months and I'm absolutely miserable and desperate to see him/talk to him. I just want some sort of reassurance that we're OK and he doesn't hate me even though I was really awful. The reality is that we're not though, I made him uncomfortable through mixture of being awful and being unwell, he doesn't want to see me and I'm trying to just respect that and stay out his way rather than force myself on him. Cracked in December and added him on Facebook and got nothing back, so I definitely do need to stay away. But it's been on my mind every day since then and getting worse, particularly as saw him at an event last week for first time in a wbile. Actually did quite well as I stayed out his way and stuck to my friends, but the after effect has been bad. this week I can barely get out of bed because everytime I open my eyes I'm thinking about it. Same why I can't sleep at night. And I keep bursting at into tears all over the place, and I feel pretty suicidal. It's been like this for months but now it's worse and now I'm convinced I'm turning into a stalker. I just really miss him and I don't know how to cope.",3.938963031853056,4.591736525691701,5.2789397814461765,83.72229714019997,71.09486166007905,8.482585445245293,26.344803534061853,8.671277953709913,1.6224203208556158,963,29,209,16,17,323,145,253,0.17,0.684,0.146,-0.8648,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,15,11,1,1,6,3,17,2,2,3,1,46,41,25,1,5,9,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,9,21,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,4,1,2,10,5,29,7,36,29,3,40,0,2,4,0,13,19,0,2,17,135,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.1247669911482309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381710304779122,0.0,0.0,0.12012297459976065,0.09831177912999456,0.1067526899064781,0.07793856816827746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245520684584454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444631401140659,0.0,0.10772244912775543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464678787339746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875248634036228,0.0,0.0,0.09877962806954364,0.0,0.13359680141893754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225646636823826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622928479729373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364244625969434,0.0,0.0,0.07026517548133178,0.10421801623347032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062462971355343726,0.0,0.0,0.11314670346940316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097847860598168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290960208129992,0.0,0.20410357199815568,0.0,0.0,0.09480206801467987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199822509145616,0.0,0.12267929271702288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358014304999202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007340968817854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359883909015069,0.0,0.0,0.16381300107725594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037660555569379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576209093172084,0.0,0.1279462631633662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4088258290959703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398514463398903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276414477604608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081923634922029,0.251231671370216,0.0,0.07455265393208843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680442495706213,0.13906836012088386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22623467898185126,0.2029689948008261,0.20511341896192287,0.0,0.11495603643764532,0.0,0.11536828414168801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605881521900412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,batattack_,2020/01/30,"Therapist said I choose the worse person as my FP Im in love/obsessed with my FP. My therapist said I chose maybe the worst person. He's someone who is flaky, hot and cold, manipulative and uncontrollable. He loves me one day and then doesn't the next. He has cheated on all of his girlfriends with me, persisted me for a year when I blocked him, he was constantly making new accounts to get to me, and when he finally got me he got bored and dumped me after 3 months (Not my fault he said I was a perfect girlfriend I was on my best behavior to hide all BPD symptoms he just wanted new people). We have been playing this game since we where 15 we are 20 now we are constantly off and on. Now that we are broken up one day he sometimes calls me cutie, invites me to hang out and double texts me when I leave him on read. Then the next day he cancels plans, leaves me on read and is cold. I have based my identity around him and am now a carbon copy almost. I don't know who I am anymore, but when did I ever. I want to get away from him I want to ignore him, and block him but then he is in my dreams constantly and in my thoughts I can not get him out if my mind. I want to start over, but then who would I be every part of me is him. I don't know what to do.",1.7026698208854327,3.0255715092936804,3.2158110848259547,93.78491297735722,77.40148698884758,6.526596823251097,21.892700236566405,7.1686216300943375,0.39404684014869895,972,26,232,11,22,320,136,269,0.106,0.825,0.069,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,5,0,0,4,11,11,2,1,7,0,24,2,0,2,4,48,42,24,0,6,7,0,1,0,2,1,1,3,0,2,6,21,0,3,4,5,1,1,5,7,0,2,11,6,50,4,31,29,6,44,0,0,0,1,38,16,0,2,27,157,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731519019762266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628375924257344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540394656911692,0.0,0.0,0.10068966388669083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246821496885448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497675752352187,0.0,0.1094324665365724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474378191118971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20734718959495854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694132460275956,0.09029527641872477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739940453848245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797557348246772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714271439441882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576189971472492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779556618087182,0.0,0.0,0.22695493382964185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19345006674036846,0.0,0.07153675110864711,0.0,0.10766658522362747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821106443692774,0.0,0.08554200447933398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070107453544628,0.2279528429344596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524221730258954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605457538069365,0.0,0.07429812579379003,0.1871532738051117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143978353744379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305829395299331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865206196691887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080472203535966,0.0,0.10599378723774504,0.0,0.07585541813537465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139057733732778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488650651604453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508094229705053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528463725011284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921530017173486,0.07613043346130273,0.0,0.0,0.0690139121912253 bpd,YoloSoFit,2020/01/30,"The friends who pretend to like you I'm learning to trust my gut about people. So many times they made me feel I was wrong, so I brushed it off and blamed myself. Then later found out wow, I was right the whole time. The friends who never contact you, and when you contact them, it's short lived, small responses, they get the reply over with so fast that they make typos and don't even notice or care. The ones who when you finally confront them, they say they're busy, they have so much going on in their life. The ones who never talk to you first, EVER. The ones where your gut says you're not important to them, you're last on their list, they'd only talk to you if they had nothing else to do. The ones who you see online all the time, yet they're soooo busy, right? If these people who supposedly care but aren't willing to make time for me, they go on block, byebye. I deserve better than to be just an option or pass-time to them. I won't put up with one way friendships anymore, and I know how to spot it now, just listen to my gut that has been screaming at me all along.",4.909748189030701,4.64906169955157,4.857847533632285,90.78707485339771,68.77578475336323,7.57902725077613,25.225595032769927,6.297961479604792,0.586351776474646,841,18,191,4,13,260,129,223,0.067,0.8370000000000001,0.096,0.7687,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,8,14,2,15,11,1,0,10,0,13,4,3,4,5,31,27,17,0,2,8,0,1,1,2,2,1,4,0,0,12,8,0,1,4,1,0,3,6,3,0,6,6,7,34,8,26,17,4,35,0,0,1,0,37,14,0,5,18,131,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129436309725595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543035734317432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26613851011807554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090289564776126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620425968388531,0.1180587458132179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599256053751089,0.0,0.0,0.14297335543770048,0.0,0.11101642130272804,0.0,0.14310351389344578,0.20167190976350616,0.0,0.06818896417964994,0.0,0.14834993767475574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172790790025868,0.10638755569504113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218696050490788,0.06376328281913902,0.0,0.1152475814715346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349692592269605,0.17424022520935908,0.13232223616445007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959439129833378,0.0,0.20132320591805766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523314641992708,0.1485927667219516,0.0,0.0,0.44220341748317904,0.09926292229102933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809660345251328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120413046815954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229190551334007,0.0,0.20758233509181773,0.0,0.0,0.10400395904561692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20980683706976416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30441856059301725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035971323344214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571589959855488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269821530939014,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ryzarony23,2020/01/30,Is DBT actually beneficial to those of us with a severely allergic reaction to ‘groupthink?’ Debating whether or not to join a local DBT group and this is one of my biggest fears/aversions. I don’t really want to learn how to be better docile in fucked up environments...,7.250533333333338,7.824915519999998,8.374000000000002,64.71033333333335,63.8,13.06666666666667,38.66666666666667,12.45797560212912,5.441266666666667,216,11,37,8,3,74,42,50,0.20199999999999999,0.6679999999999999,0.13,-0.6243,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,2,0,4,2,0,1,0,8,6,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,10,5,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,1,0,27,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.3818876080758724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461050018673735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36178394259461305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651794868463599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506999430594613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4420984329973574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4707291756498173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23082018629309836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jeunesse_,2020/01/30,"Thoroughly confused. A long time ago when I was seeing a therapist about my depression, after a while of taking to her and describing my symptoms and feelings and such - she told me that I might have bipolar depression. I agreed and went along with it, even taking the medication they prescribed to me to help regulate my moods. Recently, however, I don't think bipolar is what I really have. I don't experience the heavy depressive lows or manic highs that those with the illness experience. So for a while, I just thought I was fucked in the mind and my brain couldn't decide which mood it wanted to stick with for longer than a minute. Then I discovered this sub. I never researched BPD until I found this. I'm not one who likes to self-diagnose, but after reviewing the symptoms and behavioral characteristics of those with BPD, I saw that the symptoms I experience are exactly, not an exaggeration, EXACTLY what I have on a daily basis. The waking up in the morning mad for no reason whatsoever, then 15 minutes later experiences a random sensation of happiness and smiles, to a sudden hard-hitting depression. Every hour, every day. I knew I have uncontrollable fluctuating moods, but I never knew why or what to call it. Lately especially it's been nothing but tiredness. Not the normal tiredness, the tiredness like ""can't get out of bed and just want to die"" tiredness. Some days it's like no matter how much I try to keep my emotions under control and stay positive, sometimes those depressive lows make it totally impossible. It's exhausting. I just want to be able to put a label on these emotions. Going around not having a clue what the problem is is very draining.",6.864674267100978,8.012792560260586,7.385425081433227,69.45279560260586,64.7654723127036,10.700260586319217,34.56824104234528,10.686352973137794,4.036177980456026,1344,59,221,35,20,442,176,307,0.163,0.75,0.087,-0.9731,1,0,0,0,0,1,38.0,0,0,1,1,10,20,2,2,22,0,18,11,2,4,5,57,39,22,1,6,12,0,1,3,0,1,8,0,1,0,22,16,0,2,8,0,0,3,12,13,0,1,10,3,29,4,36,26,3,35,0,7,2,1,7,11,1,6,23,165,51,2,0.09558520414324273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473051619178568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509109692758303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24077243699943054,0.10670469974882953,0.09760318049675164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072069342215272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232890982114981,0.0,0.4116369813310165,0.09701697015265086,0.09920235094316587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21504097848879428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313312585108148,0.0,0.16106931409346484,0.0,0.0,0.3740026840590021,0.0,0.0,0.04833075122885861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480424268472413,0.0,0.08836698099096828,0.049939324031031414,0.0,0.05432327427649873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175222721013068,0.08562556806487742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406874748758629,0.1009910161692068,0.0,0.0,0.09413217190796533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849605213173536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782427367201654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009430764769956,0.0,0.0,0.08458989777580989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638038659968888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629203710082043,0.0,0.10140079639142324,0.09651380790593203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026612321983193,0.0,0.14744240415237753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936532053999126,0.09171658132265303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477100809198802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914621313012921,0.0,0.09608953097449408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061234329373196776,0.098277509552523,0.0943788576065027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761690322440655,0.0,0.09971621427982527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453621100500836,0.0,0.0,0.10188110960060087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29804887807748875,0.1437363555805768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098178923927053,0.0,0.06124713925360777,0.0,0.07588397511882339,0.055736501211774606,0.0,0.0,0.091335758772802,0.0,0.0648960792356753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886780391057031,0.16913588979278554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860844186796785,0.08625077941183658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shoski13,2020/01/30,Getting unmatched on dating apps sends me spiraling and it is so insignificant I matched with a guy on hinge today and we had a normal small talk conversation which ended up with him asking me what I was looking for. I told him I was looking to meet people and hopefully find a relationship. He told me he wasn't looking for anything serious and I said that he was probably on the wrong app for that. He responded and I told him that we could still meet and see what happens then I was unmatched immediately after. It was less than 10 minutes and it really destroyed my mood. I wish I could just move on from these things,4.638255280073462,6.149612752066119,5.549201101928379,79.22359963269055,70.2396694214876,8.68356290174472,29.973370064279145,9.150863307647796,2.5755557392102855,497,20,94,10,9,163,74,121,0.114,0.84,0.045,-0.7359,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,2,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,4,0,10,0,0,0,0,18,23,9,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,11,11,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,11,5,18,1,14,10,1,14,0,0,4,0,22,6,0,1,6,69,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853720003775905,0.0,0.15738395002380307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688265713481348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910758688181827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386828851684392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795560560261423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666923595801436,0.14887080568890984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720892563198722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4241132520412489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892875433997646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16494665391259214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671226679897168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815091113271137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784892723703604,0.0,0.0,0.1807442371176728,0.0,0.0,0.16013881731108695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341526640414453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444403679257344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531285917045335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184385125681792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957553295596955,0.4825951571377428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19359348512524746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18406362520601766,0.0,0.0 bpd,deadstonerprincess,2020/01/30,"I feel like I’ll never be normal I’m 14 and my psychiatrist thinks I have bipolar 2 or an unspecified mood disorder along with adhd and depression. I guess I came here from trying to find an answer about what’s wrong with me. I’m beginning to suspect I don’t experience reality like everybody else but I don’t know what it is and nobody else can figure it out either. My whole life I’ve chosen one person at a time to absolutely fucking love and obsess over. It’s to the extent where friendships feel like marriages. If I don’t see my fp multiple times a day I cannot function because nothing will remind me I exist or that I’m validated. Without another person I constantly question all of my thoughts and opinions and everything that makes me who I am until I have a million contradicting opinions in my head about if I’m worthless or not. I see myself from the perspective of those around me but I don’t feel as if I have my own perspective on myself beside the violent emotions I deal with. It feels like there are many voices, emotions and opinions in my head that do not belong to me. Although I love my fp, my other friends think I hate her because I constantly go on hour long rants about everything that I hate about her and how she makes me want to kill myself. I blow up at her when I feel ignored. When she uses a word or phrase or looks at me in a way I feel is disrespectful and uncaring I blow up. Last year I constantly compared myself to her and thought she was the most beautiful and better than me in every way. A month later I decided that we were in a war over the love of the other people in our friend group and that I had to win and she was a psychopath. I spent hours googling psychopath symptoms and convincing our other friends. I was delusional there was no war except the one in my head but that didn’t stop me from trying to ruin her life and from calling her all the things I called her and from living in fear and hatred and isolating myself when I felt I was losing the war. I believed she knew we were in a war over our friend group, she had no idea. At the same time I wanted her to love me again when she ignored me or was cold to me I felt worthless. I threatened to run away or kill myself if the group “chose” her over me.. This exact thing has happened with three other people. (The other three I either became paranoid that they hated me and were trying to ruin my life and said terrible things to them or simply abandoned them.) months afterward I still obsessed about what they thought of me. Everyday I look in the mirror and I see a piece of clay that I have to mold into a person. I see myself as a collection of what the people I love view me as, the people I despise view me as, and the people I am indifferent to view me as. It doesn’t matter if I hate you I am constantly aware and caring of your perception of me. Sometimes I have to excuse myself from daily activities to go to the bathroom and bang my head on the walls or scratch my arms until I bleed even under the table in class. I am very irritable at times and talk quickly in ways that are illogical to other people. I go through deep phases of depression where I live alone in my room because the task of interpersonal relationships is too much. The obsession with others the obsession with my shame and guilt the obsession with my identity the obsession with the drugs and distractions I use on a daily basis. The obsession with the truth. The obsession with knowing who’s good and bad and what’s right and what’s wrong. The obsession with understanding reality as opposed to my perceptions. In addition to an emptiness and sadness that will either leave me walking around feeling like a ghost or crying and screaming for god to help me over nothing. I’m constantly so fucking bored that I Have to smoke weed or drink. I need people to pay attention to me but at the same time I don’t feel worthy of attention and I feel I would mess it up. When I get attention I feel gross about myself later. I have a real talent for messing everything up. I feel like everybody secretly hates me and wants me to fail. I go through phases lasting a day or a few hours where I feel like I have to “escape” and I engage in risky behavior I yell at strangers and I steal or binge or runaway or overdose. Sometimes these phases I feel empty and terribly during, other times I feel amazing and free and self confident . Afterward I go back to my isolated room cave. Sorry I know this was long but if anyone can relate or has an idea about if this is bipolar or bpd please comment and have a good day!",4.65566915825972,5.691861155872669,5.6446939522241415,80.34833760214663,69.71350164654227,8.682041363929399,28.84011987524611,8.976282227363876,2.2934785810116223,3647,131,701,66,63,1204,349,911,0.23399999999999999,0.629,0.138,-0.9987,1,2,3,0,0,2,51.0,5,2,4,4,28,79,15,13,52,0,48,21,5,5,5,167,118,85,7,13,36,0,17,7,4,3,8,4,2,4,42,60,1,5,40,1,3,8,14,51,0,5,22,31,150,28,121,92,14,103,0,10,9,7,57,49,2,30,50,525,192,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058981212760451984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05082913994644942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05146168449827462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034315893454542425,0.0,0.0,0.08737816002498745,0.0,0.0,0.04610961013850493,0.03773730897699471,0.04097738113150441,0.08975094909945043,0.0,0.0,0.05529315664131942,0.0,0.04340476243999716,0.0,0.0,0.061810968742261926,0.0,0.10022654111100487,0.056131200140533015,0.050037438476720285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26517489098401104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053908959044430285,0.09495213020372334,0.0505964000585101,0.08454017711760149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05624668061788555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04807693584658599,0.056913928085530426,0.0,0.0819953444469069,0.1104104054876324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03241500328870047,0.0,0.04134962648898332,0.0,0.13232216871054245,0.048006882560954665,0.0,0.05522545261284628,0.34740843487045103,0.21036441022200364,0.09424354557003572,0.0,0.044855637853398536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151667577500108,0.09074209270712677,0.025640792070390283,0.0,0.13945841351806915,0.08232719171011707,0.0,0.0,0.05406402802767599,0.0,0.043398773140928236,0.0,0.0,0.2422676898178111,0.20146931190592213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03289538784142833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499335907269728,0.0,0.0,0.1108042866169256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859321889530266,0.0,0.08091457588074827,0.08000887613622698,0.0,0.051965629409942884,0.0,0.0,0.10399395478482946,0.16783635993187165,0.0,0.08667206808836886,0.08686348973315547,0.08242491300303185,0.05490479191938599,0.0,0.0,0.22147027843652348,0.0,0.06551877475540921,0.049756540293572765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834584652992753,0.0,0.03607736167899673,0.036390094493128106,0.03785133359915325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048085199649329655,0.0941817229900786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651191152063861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23816747792106396,0.12855685715183754,0.0,0.05387198735353351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549776543708652,0.0,0.0,0.05586055582640337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052690506422001376,0.0,0.04191162902947573,0.04668362054856632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643257940450742,0.0,0.0511981843167667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707713816853993,0.0549378659464753,0.0,0.0,0.0391930857491568,0.04103070577883768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05100996364340896,0.0,0.03944636459118957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781405908513777,0.06289332877361982,0.0,0.11688535629481375,0.17170373040061185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996051645582253,0.0,0.0,0.05109105745838917,0.0,0.08477382292270326,0.0,0.04049379923249797,0.08684094680822,0.11686550285222012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05479289981752577,0.0,0.0473086337873868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034863008486415825,0.10731634690693258,0.0,0.031604083899330955 bpd,ManyMindsManyVoices,2020/01/30,"My FP lost someone... And I feel like such a mess. She's shut down, she doesn't know how to deal with loss so well, and I am trying to reach out, and getting no where. I don't deal with grief like most people, people die, it's whatever. The only person I couldn't stand to lose is her. So seeing her like this tears me apart. I love her so much, more than I ever have before, and that's definitely saying something. I've known her only a short while, but she is so understanding and kind and wonderful, and seeing her like this is devastating. It's like she's lost all her light. My head knows, somewhere, that she hasn't, but my Borderline heart is screaming: 'Look, she doesn't love you, if she loved you she wouldn't feel empty with you right here!' I hate it, I'm so scared I'll show her my monster and lose her like I always have. I told her that, I cried, and I felt like an asshole for making her loss about me, and I told her that I love her and I'll be here. I'm trying, I don't want to be the monster anymore. I won't let myself be the reason I burn away the best love I've ever had. Not again. I'm trying, and it hurts, and it's hard, and she's really the only person in my life who understands, but she's got stuff to deal with right now... I want to be strong for her, and it's so fucking hard.",2.776587375913092,3.186143448398578,4.0775388649559865,92.1703034276082,73.59074733096085,7.054579509271399,20.839295748267464,6.8360192770164,0.11719501779359433,1003,17,242,8,19,331,129,281,0.153,0.608,0.23800000000000002,0.9856,0,0,1,0,0,0,46.0,0,3,0,8,17,29,2,1,8,0,21,9,2,3,3,45,51,27,2,5,5,0,5,7,0,2,1,2,0,2,14,20,0,0,10,1,0,0,10,13,1,0,7,11,51,16,18,36,5,16,0,8,3,6,40,10,1,3,12,155,65,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734071334809857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218007353361084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732830572887616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909244553223788,0.0,0.09754386182710577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209971506625533,0.0,0.28747789537697643,0.0,0.0,0.0964660122599814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681547302054508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399524902889153,0.06640252605027958,0.08924526943289622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592951871207181,0.04856182740056863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433951737803407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665274465813125,0.09176753748768232,0.09539211897616116,0.0,0.0,0.11014458437479048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995034401243096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679170387102023,0.10216428201136303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504628052078612,0.06565237232271089,0.3178700689189437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805344678455542,0.2079715027003668,0.202928838020822,0.0,0.419448876862509,0.0,0.062043938081833325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832794424266242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120748844434684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887776548155155,0.16231833221138786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05954527802905338,0.0955666811445383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158755259152576,0.0,0.07391648816938813,0.09305780234718752,0.0,0.1481360618660445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787550799300828,0.0715564031211692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640395353007663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17763281498438724,0.0,0.1893180730795368,0.0,0.0,0.19352562176672766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964703062800904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357198886270771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079883373299256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,candybones1234,2020/01/30,In the arms of men I built my self worth starting around the age of 19 when I slept with my first male partner. For the first time in my life I felt wanted and admired. I felt like I had a value. Ever since then I've always had to be pretty. Which as you all know is hard with bpd. One minute you feel gorgeous and the next a hag. I know I'm more than this I know I have more to offer but why does it always come back around to pretty being my baseline of value? How can I train myself to see what others see in me? I have friends and a long successful marriage but on the inside I feel so empty.,1.2654968287526422,2.6887404263565884,2.7960394644115603,95.90391120507401,78.84496124031006,5.000986610288937,17.928823114869626,4.851557810540192,-0.6975333333333338,461,8,108,1,11,151,83,129,0.032,0.754,0.215,0.9736,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,3,7,5,0,0,8,0,8,3,2,1,2,21,22,10,0,1,2,0,5,1,2,0,1,0,0,4,5,8,0,0,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,5,7,19,5,18,15,3,18,0,0,2,0,9,6,0,0,12,75,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783994540854904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978493726348144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863665017104642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21069748157397733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410660471363107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639770614157754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513245193394681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16917497190964598,0.0,0.32125168251298064,0.0,0.0,0.2845957150688676,0.0,0.0,0.12924880998447116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986010670028246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758166990035153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816276203579534,0.08173005784237697,0.0,0.0,0.14804749787871674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17791614943613238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336088510847155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34039070082312217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26661894472230857,0.0,0.17452126566214846,0.0,0.0,0.13838505632730813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840961257407025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754887713408504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986727176006944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095433873030575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sadgrungechick,2020/01/30,"Splitting on the relationship itself???? Well, this is a first for me. I’m not splitting on my boyfriend. I’m splitting on our whole ass relationship. Some days, I feel like we’re really working. Like we could be together for years. Other days, I fear that he’ll leave me in the next two minutes and I should prepare myself for it. Do any of you split on like.... the bond itself? Idk how to explain it but someone please tell me I’m not crazier than I already know I am.",0.7253900709219891,3.1908811489361746,2.2777659574468103,92.6841666666667,88.57446808510639,4.835460992907802,22.72695035460993,6.42735559955562,0.5460099290780134,364,14,76,4,12,118,66,94,0.073,0.8140000000000001,0.11199999999999999,0.5514,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,1,0,2,2,5,0,1,4,0,6,1,1,1,0,12,13,3,0,2,3,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,1,13,4,11,9,2,10,0,0,0,1,8,5,1,1,8,51,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22959580375828026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414857285597648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611638982754146,0.0,0.0,0.2683587908565789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234121693571698,0.10519974717243097,0.1486357879631345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697297025467984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434255187030568,0.0,0.0,0.22030206343922304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30493806469191953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22127072021705346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283838396708492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332864854061528,0.0,0.0,0.4467501854679177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762858140764693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818507751005378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20324121865308767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870680101363789,0.0,0.0,0.23228793779047235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146779621522394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133981729369697 bpd,zip_code13,2020/01/30,"What is wrong with me? I've been in a relationship with this amazing women she's sweet and understanding. I moved in with her after only a couple months of dating it was amazing. She could feel I cared for her, and I her. She was up front about everythong. She had 9 children ranging from the ages 5 to 21. I've always wanted a big family. I was excited. I could finally give my daughter brothers and sisters that she so desperately wanted. Everything started out great I felt important. As they had never had a father figure for very long in there life except for there grandpa who had recently passed. Few months go by, my S/O helped me finalize my divorce from my first wife. That's when things started to go bad. My ex wife would call my S/O names and tell my daughter her opinion of my S/O Also me and my S/O found out we were pregnant. Pissed my ex wife off, she runs off with my daughter. Now this entire time my moods would transition rather fast. From happy to anxious to sad, mad, purple, yellow,green. I didn't know why 4 and a half months go by not seeing or hearing my daughter's voice. I had fallen into a depression. I couldn't get out of bed. I lost my job because I couldn't stop crying long enough to manage to actually go. I spend 1 and a half months with out a job the entire time my pregnant S/O put up with it she didn't kick me out. Even when I yelled, screamed and cried. I felt so ashamed of my self. I didn't know why I was doing these things chalked it up to depression. And ignored it. Ok this is longer than I thought. Jump forward to 1 week ago. My anger has been getting progressively worse since the baby was born 7 months ago. Also so is my sense of self worth. I had been yelling and cussing and calling my S/O names the kids had been hearing for awhile now they got together and ask there mom why she put up with it and wanted me to leave. The next day when I got home from work my stuff was packed and ready for me. I vegged and pleaded. To get her to let me stay. Mind you for months I'd been threading to leave. She said she couldn't make that decision by herself. Which enraged me which I let her know she said she didn't want me to leave but she wasn't going to keep putting the kids through this. So I asked for one more week to change if I couldn't show I was improving I would leave of my own free will. I have been doing better I haven't yelled or called names I'm being polite. Showing interest in everyone's life's. I started searching online for ways to deal with mood swings. I stumbled across Wikipedia article about mental illnesses. Bpd pop up and I started reading the symptoms the more I read the worse I felt. I told my S/O of my findings as she's reading it I asked if it sounded familiar. She said yes it did. Right down to the t. I'm scared confused. What I've read says it's not my fault that. I'm like this. But why does it feel like such a cop out. She says she still loves me and wants to try and work through this. I have an appointment with a therapist coming up. I hope I can get the help I need. I'm going to fuck this up. Like I do everything. I'm sorry if it's labeled wrong. There's more to this story I just am trying to get this out of my head to try and see if it helps again I'm sorry. And thank you",0.8159852014798545,2.9603466029197096,2.2984941505849434,95.29667033296673,83.70072992700729,5.330066993300671,20.62443755624437,6.6033845720624615,0.1649096090390958,2553,77,576,27,73,826,293,685,0.106,0.7859999999999999,0.107,0.8711,2,0,0,0,2,0,72.0,1,2,2,6,23,37,5,3,22,2,52,8,2,1,1,93,113,39,0,21,13,14,5,3,0,4,4,14,2,6,34,39,0,3,14,6,3,17,13,18,0,4,39,23,104,18,86,61,6,82,0,4,3,2,76,26,2,9,42,360,138,10,0.0,0.0,0.056671610676217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295776519105247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288312676012137,0.04832201894028917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656068166276139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287337335865446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04848916228036032,0.03540122392345637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051361519735466835,0.0,0.0,0.07314186537278553,0.0,0.17789940020084558,0.0,0.05921006680746265,0.0,0.061434335776128876,0.05002540041083918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927343406941848,0.06425750876951689,0.1275825927031228,0.03745276965958879,0.05987149460249212,0.10003768552974106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05082073707526638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060005716222950416,0.0,0.03835716952579458,0.0,0.0,0.055491964571487036,0.10438589834562473,0.0,0.054746770715130455,0.0,0.05872767404443599,0.041487904398331235,0.1672797449045113,0.12723392677591147,0.0530783628188067,0.0493975089823989,0.0,0.06367487827488298,0.0,0.05368825358573902,0.1517057085356598,0.05570964051844572,0.198027930269276,0.0,0.092893779000595,0.06402652333598104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061820595386523125,0.0,0.0,0.05960043010171825,0.0,0.13090669212701678,0.0,0.1167768477589761,0.0,0.05825271443035,0.05768034535762007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525848799498604,0.05161862453724509,0.0,0.0,0.09574745609381233,0.0,0.0,0.24596689860421805,0.0,0.11876870457239914,0.08203842559802163,0.08511571438292061,0.0,0.0,0.10278689690764907,0.0,0.0,0.06339436714423652,0.0,0.052413834046260405,0.0,0.03876468448935229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585246890824149,0.0,0.05863794072481194,0.06801528361808343,0.2781235180103656,0.06172321427059185,0.0,0.043060955789542284,0.04479006238898739,0.0,0.06176210058368919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03935228145682634,0.044167709947337236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514050094414682,0.0,0.0,0.2323578947796405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057340830064435015,0.0623494827141725,0.0,0.049594672117346666,0.16572432816165356,0.09236516672001052,0.05814196291833185,0.0,0.09255453275964433,0.0,0.12116719025203145,0.0,0.0,0.0480392128272473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300176352737807,0.1644196195804174,0.06189889918715887,0.046377778244540785,0.04855226215172076,0.0,0.0,0.06648055901243402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060360870722382574,0.0,0.0,0.05075902429369704,0.05346651401332872,0.0,0.06742810920162576,0.07716324881864357,0.0,0.0,0.04610407703856828,0.0677265507428719,0.0,0.0,0.055491964571487036,0.0,0.11828480908772655,0.0,0.0,0.06045683027484618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047916932417707135,0.17126703586589614,0.046096246077737636,0.09316653160344084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20961013560047304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455677512015805,0.0,0.11836424179055152,0.12376179463404376,0.12698907584664998,0.0,0.0 bpd,sh0rtwizard,2020/01/30,"DAE feel like... DAE feel like their brain is a sieve and they can’t retain information, no matter how hard they try? I have to read paragraphs multiple times and even then I could barely tell you anything about what I’ve just read. My brain feels like mush, I keep convincing myself that if I sleep well it’ll ‘reset’ but that’s not feasible.",3.2042288557213934,5.332269746268661,3.382910447761194,90.6978482587065,75.41791044776119,6.854726368159205,20.12189054726368,7.793537801064563,0.575648756218905,271,6,56,4,6,83,54,67,0.045,0.826,0.129,0.4854,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,3,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,5,3,3,1,0,15,9,6,0,2,4,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,4,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,10,5,2,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,32,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542033855073204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44880419419446493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604961787581986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277021415770945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049215813990279,0.4308209927911965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800722656464912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867365916370906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946211038644855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021439516070279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20116275008266446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569822302395052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721496603453832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647774004474855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18073894349593528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aspdOSRS,2020/01/30,"Does anyone here *really* feel ‘empathy’ for others? Lack of empathy is noted as pretty common symptom. A lot of the people who post on bpd forums (not just/only here) who talk about empathy (obligatory “not all”...) talk about it in more of a sense that’s more related to an effect their own feelings than someone else’s. Dunno if this is a sensitive sub or not, just curious not trying to start anything",3.5202819548872166,5.8444868552631615,5.257443609022558,76.7071052631579,75.1842105263158,8.553383458646618,25.330827067669173,9.23628265651192,2.573998496240601,315,11,53,8,7,107,58,76,0.057,0.9,0.043,-0.016,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,5,0,2,1,0,1,1,14,5,3,0,2,7,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,12,5,6,5,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,4,2,41,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18588853124571106,0.0,0.2187719333310432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348288223820875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326471639843151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220835976252878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688435390773343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260161994993257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843069460339916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546108532610465,0.2704650683411299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17031034489577254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252538785467111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18817002861505414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763199866304296,0.0,0.4273603883607132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804947282046839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GodSometimes,2020/01/30,"Everyone hates me and I get it I can't shake the feeling of others not liking me off. I always feel it, sometimes, for a split second I think ""hey they like me, we could be friends"" and then they act weird towards me and I can't for the life of me figure out why! I worry about it so much it drives me insane. I yell I cry I hurt myself but it never stops, it just gets worse and worse. A guy I would consider a good acquaintance left me hanging today. A few hours later he was nice again, talking and joking. Then he left me hanging a-fucking-gain for no reason. Now he wants to talk again. I just can't. I don't understand. I'm so exhausted. I need a break.",-1.224896103896107,0.8012277571428612,1.2203896103896137,97.64733766233769,100.0,3.974025974025974,15.64935064935065,5.852544927426893,-0.6016428571428563,506,13,115,5,22,170,87,140,0.21,0.6729999999999999,0.11699999999999999,-0.9061,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,1,0,2,0,8,11,1,1,7,0,8,2,0,1,1,23,18,10,0,4,4,0,2,2,1,1,2,1,0,1,7,7,0,1,6,1,0,5,7,5,0,1,1,3,25,6,10,14,2,21,0,1,0,0,11,5,0,0,12,78,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297451014888626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371905316199073,0.0,0.1887447906284097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418884446056695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376261614942473,0.1227538281416794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327537466304202,0.0,0.17954588686766382,0.0,0.0,0.14412102216205214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701365554237674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964439752214286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921578951982827,0.0,0.18394523393999648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37338285595206383,0.0,0.12136707002822927,0.16789278589412301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263132176400497,0.12740815047815576,0.13252420677034746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666761569288122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16994210649963684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14365575052525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762173841895104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010032823595267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287268100003907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887881928901792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134849948151488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504788043289025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17449949079485486,0.3502144542027524,0.1220615525523651,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pastfuturewriter,2020/01/30,"Hate my shrink. Just venting. I wish I could change shrinks, but I can't due to medication concerns, but man, he's so condescending and tells me such obvious shit. I wish he'd just do the prescription and let me handle my daily life shit or whatever with my therapist. Also, he has no receptionist, so there is no place to sign in, nobody to tell him I'm there, etc. TWICE he has been like 'oh i didn't write that down, sorry,' so how can I expect he's even there lol. Yesterday he was 15 mins late to come out, and I was about to go bang on his door, then I thought, fuck that, if he doesn't give me my appointment, I'm charging him what he charges me. He finally came out, but I knew very well not to talk to him about it cuz he'd be snide about it or whatever. I try to stick with a topic he ""likes"" to just get out of there. It's an issue that's not related to bpd, but something he has in common with me. erg. Just venting.",1.7252855329949242,3.0173563096446716,3.4677125634517765,92.13070590101525,77.2741116751269,7.361548223350255,22.464784263959388,8.07648339933343,0.8406550761421325,711,20,171,12,16,238,116,197,0.124,0.8009999999999999,0.076,-0.8936,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,0,19,7,4,0,3,1,17,5,2,2,1,35,30,17,0,5,13,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,7,11,0,0,2,0,0,3,7,4,1,1,7,0,25,3,24,18,1,18,0,0,0,1,22,8,3,3,9,108,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937801362646786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037603509904313,0.0,0.0,0.18503694853643568,0.0,0.0,0.1711452361353865,0.1393619522033973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917076774298378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804310990557182,0.10685631663536184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17722565213244318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495660158369959,0.08452507537490186,0.15519724370897522,0.09194515428321247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972747399173562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16885968959628345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18249856273000525,0.0,0.0,0.16543434329304998,0.11427230020288072,0.1580782565413235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297961279756626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690290716539603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321363805785679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454865665337105,0.0,0.18110311285681735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003525519738002,0.2828113981862929,0.0,0.0,0.1878428329318552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843783613651075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984021300573796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348813183878122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546257906612706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720855267879623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ssamallama93,2020/01/30,"Just curious which drug is most commonly abused among the BPD community? I am a year into recovery from crackcocaine and it’s the only drug I’ve ever struggled with. I do habitually use mariajuana though for my CPTSD. Anyone else?",3.740714285714287,6.8562373571428585,5.947904761904763,67.38042857142858,80.19047619047619,10.026666666666667,27.447619047619053,9.888512548439397,3.8892419047619065,187,8,30,7,5,65,38,42,0.149,0.797,0.054000000000000006,-0.6172,0,0,3,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,3,2,0,1,1,7,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,21,5,0,0.0,0.3036881824744617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792195312090375,0.26262225777511905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228163899109636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5944818265778501,0.0,0.21411605110274348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318491643718452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949370665235874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679532845074028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25182554952795816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22137154644000254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650567282542785 bpd,LuxySkrim,2020/01/30,"DAE fear getting too attached to someone because you just know it’s going to end badly...? Split with my sons dad (which is a whole other story) and I’ve been getting close to someone I’ve crushed on for months. Now I’ve found out he’s been crushing on me for a few weeks and we’re getting really close. I almost don’t want to talk about it with my closest friends for the fear of embarrassment that when it eventually ends crashing and burning I’m gonna feel like an absolute foool 😩",5.2318181818181815,5.390899606060606,5.7439898989898985,83.26931818181819,68.0909090909091,8.216161616161617,32.66161616161617,7.793537801064563,2.152385858585859,387,16,79,4,6,125,73,99,0.147,0.7859999999999999,0.067,-0.8393,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,3,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,14,14,4,0,1,1,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,1,5,2,14,10,2,13,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,7,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20896583465866625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424155024565913,0.12721119208766246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696623144626466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4696526820686672,0.10551637197461856,0.1490831443325817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288100882867388,0.16122793292239526,0.0,0.32708469183526245,0.0,0.11859933209595255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468669421703792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019519505451341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656874326441234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368764423219853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.353632780152077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16773145399084732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230866133042664,0.0,0.16739287847183346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329870661090312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,JarOfWishes,2020/01/30,"DAE have and hate this deceptive sequence of events that pops up every now and then? **\*Sudden mental ease, light, fresh air, perspective.\*** &#x200B; *Oh wow. I barely remembered this feeling. I'd forgotten what it's like, this is wonderful. I feel so lucky right now. ... The things I want and need to do feel so realistic, so close and good.* &#x200B; **\*Visions of a cell door opening, feelings of control, of safety.\*** &#x200B; *... I think I get it now. I finally understand. I see what is happening and I can stop it. I can change it. I can leave. I'm in control of myself, my mind.* &#x200B; **\*Weight lifted from chest, freedom, lightness, love, intrigue, calm. Trust.\*** &#x200B; *I don't need to stay here anymore. Why didn't I see that? I'm so glad I do now. I can leave. I'm going to leave this behind. Crawl out, truly connect for once. I'm going to live. See reality. I can do it, there's an open door right there. I can leave, I feel it. I can shed this skin like a snake. I'll never look back, ever.* &#x200B; **\*Emerging collage, all of the things lost, missed, aspirations, excitement, freedom from guilt, forgiveness, visions into all directions, sight for the future. SPROUT OF IDENTITY.\*** &#x200B; *I'm so relieved, I can't wait. This is it. This is where a new chapter starts. I don't even care about everything I went through, if this was it all I feel is glad. I want to move on.* &#x200B; **\*Heart wells up to beyond the brim, spews everywhere, short circuits everything. Fast release of all emotions, intensity, jumbled confusing mess. Headache, vision blurry, outlook blurry. Too much, blocked out, nauseating, desperate, spinning. Desensitized, ears ringing. Emptiness, scrambling for remnants. Slow halt into thick fog. Quiet throbbing pain, ebbing in and out.\*** &#x200B; *How? Where did it go? Where's the open door? I thought there was no turning back from this! Why am I back here? Why can't I see what I saw? I see nothing.*",0.8003107344632738,1.973653268361584,1.6440000000000021,90.28164971751413,122.2485875706215,4.39819209039548,24.27231638418079,6.139981653823899,1.3115516384180783,1523,72,268,25,90,471,192,354,0.111,0.7140000000000001,0.175,0.9831,0,0,0,0,0,0,182.0,0,0,0,3,27,22,1,2,9,0,25,8,4,3,6,48,65,14,0,5,1,0,9,2,0,0,2,3,3,0,25,15,1,6,12,0,0,5,7,7,1,0,8,22,30,15,34,57,5,48,0,2,8,1,3,23,0,4,21,163,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4621499587127399,0.5182861109435852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04700084626727847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093262354910517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04832003950970452,0.0,0.050135216729410265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630993713298703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053310434325360166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031302446474072015,0.042869431106606376,0.039930413036406064,0.0,0.0851870468026708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437791080037696,0.0,0.0,0.05191641134926085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024760741629046408,0.0,0.0808031296920477,0.03975076739796191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04190922830348301,0.0,0.0,0.04679050207323388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05616060476980639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007282021363525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046307380975753085,0.0,0.041848642555575966,0.0,0.0397979510356373,0.0,0.0517347554270306,0.0,0.04277378271174645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04776071775009447,0.0,0.0478531399365608,0.0,0.0,0.050370964145662035,0.03483910437473864,0.07028220697140224,0.0365521895341828,0.04577218705575516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045474595767826066,0.0,0.0,0.050471703109037085,0.0,0.0,0.05042919855274012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053686716335122515,0.08094625273684017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888293207931572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033544813165516565,0.05051433676061588,0.0,0.039622438412128085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297123838313394,0.030367343170974188,0.0,0.037624528128066576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05154967330288605,0.0,0.04933749588581579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055906911685544985,0.0,0.0,0.05771156876307228,0.042611749483521685,0.043933528893619206,0.12829368272946487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051395386297646034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5182861109435852,0.0 bpd,psychedelicsweets,2020/01/30,"HELP! I'm Confused -- By Myself (Content: Comorbidity? crossposted to r/bipolar + other forums) Hey y'all, I'm exposing myself here, but I figure, here goes. I've been diagnosed with bipolar, but I'm nervous that that's not what I have, or I may have something more than that. I've talked to myself ever since I can remember, coming up with 'characters' through which I go through life. At first this was just games and I'd make up little plays and games with these 'characters', but now I go through daily life talking through them, to myself. They have names. However, they're characteristics aren't different from my personality, they're not very different from each other; it feels like I'm the same person, just with different names that I used to talk to myself and work through my problems or my day. All the characteristics and everything add up to make up 'me.' I'm fully conscious of these 'characters,' don't have amnesia, no forgetfulness, don't really notice dissociation throughout the day. I also struggle with binge-eating at times, but never self-harmed or abused substances. I do have a history of trauma mostly shared with my family. I'm nervous that I may have traits related to BPD, DID, or C-PTSD. For anyone co-morbid, or who just have those disorders, how did you know? Has any of what I said resonated?",4.804512195121951,6.8667492479674825,5.6598455284552855,76.39196341463416,70.7479674796748,8.985040650406502,28.96666666666667,9.516144504307137,2.8505437398373985,1049,41,185,25,20,343,140,246,0.083,0.847,0.07,-0.4624,4,0,1,0,1,0,46.0,0,2,2,2,9,9,0,4,4,0,19,4,0,4,3,48,34,15,0,1,14,0,1,1,0,2,4,1,0,2,16,13,0,0,5,3,0,3,7,6,0,1,5,2,25,3,32,27,5,17,0,0,0,0,18,7,0,9,8,128,41,1,0.0,0.1649212324698082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131278651751612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465617870244064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973271522415637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530901746579278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990265424130366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953625374280258,0.0,0.0,0.14127821213197744,0.0,0.4362819409778463,0.15952751615898594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259082576863699,0.0,0.0,0.12509791200283318,0.0,0.1312190020664364,0.0,0.07038028618977593,0.09943968095039027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839770179260638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15821345595235706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329829703338753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649696639585042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19663260859875425,0.06800278783939262,0.13950819733868755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582514174510986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073544103588932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584724302624555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24307634253669946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318913554706238,0.16270945289547825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917075601653895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767881075557275,0.0,0.13240464947638622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452089098624355,0.0,0.0,0.11514208938549117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715775919335854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551500017294952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33563476967563005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116469963246069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021827117261227,0.0,0.1148490033622876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133433903304864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AllUserNamesGone99,2020/01/30,"Long distance relationship turmoil, seeking advice! I have been married to my wife for about four years now. She recently left to stay in South America (we live in the US) with my daughter for 70 days. Leading up to this, we had been having a lot of problems within our relationship. We have a 7 month old child who she cares for primarily. I work and split custody of my 5 year old child. She has been out of work for over a year and we have an expensive lifestyle which adds stress. I behave well most of the time, but when I drink all bets are off. I've gotten very active in AA while she has been gone and have been addressing my emotional turmoil in a more healthy manner. I'm at the point where I don't know if I love her anymore or if she loves me. I know she has the capacity to love me, but we are so distant and almost never talk at all. I have hurt her so much in the past and she says she forgives me. The last few times I've called her I've detected huge amounts of annoyance in her voice and she always abruptly ends the call and says she'll call me later. She then sends me a text right before she goes to bed saying goodnight. I feel very neglected and confused by our relationship. Part of me wants to get a divorce because I'm so fed up with our inability to connect. Part of me wants us to work it out, but I'm bewildered because she doesn't even understand why I'm upset. She says I'm 'A guy who needs a lot of attention.' I'm a guy who needs a sense of comfort with his wife and I don't have it at all. Everyday we grow more distant. My thoughts are constantly occupied about how am I going to fix this situation. If I'm being honest, I don't miss her at all since she has been gone because our relationship has been so turbulent. It used to be good, but I don't know if we can ever achieve that again, I'm definitely willing to try but I don't feel like my efforts are returned. Does anyone have any experience dealing with a similar situation or advice that may help me manage my actions and emotions? Thank you.",3.8315976184569607,4.702146791366907,5.072127677168613,84.30906474820145,71.49400479616307,8.341652195484992,28.76779955346068,8.641336200584522,1.9820983874968987,1600,60,340,27,29,532,204,417,0.099,0.789,0.11199999999999999,0.6633,0,0,1,0,1,0,35.0,13,1,0,6,14,21,1,5,19,0,38,5,0,3,6,66,70,29,0,9,11,3,2,1,0,3,0,5,2,4,11,24,2,1,9,1,2,7,7,10,2,1,13,7,64,11,48,52,14,57,0,3,0,3,65,23,0,13,27,229,75,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556083509452382,0.0,0.0,0.0848276835097805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048787821976507,0.0,0.0,0.057607643593351326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401238514935283,0.05923319507660708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492050304214547,0.0,0.07208439678707526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25950387694317256,0.0,0.08637039738893837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154449711694612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054632780762330635,0.08733522963083652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413278676179914,0.0,0.0,0.08298634344050257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19058111062734168,0.07503044186134826,0.0,0.0,0.05595203912589072,0.0766276236130079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286542337939287,0.0,0.0,0.08566672558299962,0.060518877666027586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044258968242690606,0.0,0.0481442654199433,0.07105312022743047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677580820098966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056781238341152625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068685904617993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966790239730326,0.06905228002172119,0.0,0.0,0.09204076045544744,0.0,0.0,0.04138641997709345,0.0,0.07480299942608297,0.07496820735870685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403967308473525,0.2293699662579747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761698944392233,0.0,0.06227369265533283,0.12562701121700193,0.06533577305683101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17778377373478552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347152480699846,0.0808680017186132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008102578866469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105875766675014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364372050755113,0.3637995962091429,0.0,0.07234431187315353,0.0,0.269468236894385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007534572851026,0.190441587660068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029262774043892,0.0,0.0,0.0970382845819214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808898075138442,0.0,0.07799221165125278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725254116027257,0.09879348929744296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05751446511735184,0.0,0.0,0.08818906542858247,0.20379825861968834,0.07316470423860605,0.0,0.1397939478107345,0.09993166868373557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761670266347877,0.0,0.0764401717677184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18501589331431076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636568958322192 bpd,sweely,2020/01/30,"Is it ever too late to say you're sorry for your BPD behavior? To make a long story short, I've got ADHD. I don't know if I've got BPD as well, but I'm starting to become quite sure I do due to childhood traumas and an emotional flashback that happened to me at work 3 years ago. To make a long story short, my boss and a few colleagues decided to bully me (manage me out) instead of communicating with me about problems I was having on the job. This led to me feeling walked all over, which prompted me going into fight-or-flight mode (and then walking off my job during my termination period). I just couldn't stand feeling the way I was feeling for another 30 days. It's taken 3 years for me to process all of this, and it was a career-ender when it took place at the time I'm afraid. Now nobody wants to hire me. No shit. Now that I'm more aware of my shortcomings, I was wondering if it lies any reason in making people revisit the event? Just to tell them I'm sorry. Mainly to my boss. I don't think he deserved this. All I really want to say is that I'm sorry for my behavior. I'm not doing it so I can get help with moving on, I've already done this by myself. I just feel sooo bad having had people experience me during one of my more manic & crazy episodes. I was young, and my ADHD & BPD was acting up like crazy. I tried controlling myself best I could, but everything ended in disaster. Any advice? Like, how do you move on from such a traumatic event?",2.934156178489705,4.126175625000002,4.741756292906178,84.60816361556067,74.0,7.523798627002289,23.74370709382152,8.04050195162591,1.2222175629290617,1146,32,238,17,23,391,169,304,0.158,0.7490000000000001,0.094,-0.9771,2,0,0,0,1,0,41.0,0,2,1,4,15,10,1,1,10,0,20,1,1,9,5,44,46,14,0,7,8,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,14,9,0,1,9,0,0,8,5,5,1,1,12,6,35,5,39,32,8,46,0,0,0,0,8,15,1,3,23,153,49,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365262320670465,0.09615976284196892,0.08722967393535179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859184021164656,0.0,0.0,0.21324252323425727,0.0,0.1338369027350856,0.10318572440715912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216366793248481,0.0,0.10868006650215048,0.0,0.0,0.10326947780674638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37181116289687743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036904218292877,0.07856800588428615,0.0,0.0,0.06346277775783897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007019942949052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069184562654084,0.17431440210352092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901252653821895,0.0,0.0,0.08843964182051745,0.09625850770095963,0.0,0.0,0.19902513806012445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051412302763724514,0.0,0.055925559234337084,0.0,0.1574061759753256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701879638391515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595847876270043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19530261379368066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05408055338487145,0.0,0.1110045902876013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615096052404642,0.0,0.0,0.17416981585493935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19705735348499104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20917687345193006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666814528019586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644261456215764,0.0,0.10281178418593964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415984050876704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466532508448126,0.0,0.0,0.06304045844337394,0.10117624084858456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565104557392066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101083069973414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304674273882648,0.06965122921015382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927451001493643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600989211837673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305364615591985,0.0,0.0,0.0573804698179306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933104793691624,0.0668102129650369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160830767197316,0.07810893151270991,0.0,0.0,0.0884774857942399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067155095990119,0.07163966612007668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673857543417316 bpd,flibgiblet,2020/01/30,"Having BPD diagnosis reviewed, confused. Hey all. So back in August during a stay in a psychiatric facility I was diagnosed with BPD. Certain aspects of it don't fit with my personality, like fear of abandonment, unstable relationships (I've been in a relationship for 6 years and am engaged) and some other stuff. I suffered a lot of trauma in childhood though and for the past 5 years i have consistently gone off the rails in like June for at least 3 months. I started DBT in December and I also switched back to being well around mid December. I'm now back at work full time and basically back to my old self, who is a million miles away from who I was when I was ill. My DBT therapist told me this week that he is going to review my psych file as a lot of what i experience doesn't fit what is typically considered as BPD. So, I am going to outline a little of what I go through and if anyone could advise if they relate, as I know BPD presents in so many ways and I just want to know if I'm not alone in what I go through. For the past five years, usually in June, it's like a switch flips in my head and I become a different person. I stop sleeping, eating, I become irrational and paranoid, have panic attacks, I can talk non stop for hours and hours, and I completely withdraw from society and normal life. This year it got so bad that my family felt there was no choice to hospitalize me. In previous years, the symptoms would usually only last from June to September, but this year they went on until December. During these six months I would have periods where I'd feel really fucking good and get really creative and feel I was suddenly better again, but this usually disappeared after a few days and I would suddenly end up worse again in how bad I felt. Can anyone else relate to only having symptoms at certain times of the year and being totally fine the rest of the time? Do other people get such severe symptoms all of a sudden without any trigger? I am desperate to understand my diagnosis and not feel so alone in it. Any feedback would be so appreciated.",6.556551947351384,6.511472563275433,7.464818211241777,72.7516754773978,65.30272952853598,10.978918977235947,33.40263243068292,10.662846686107436,3.5520541374474046,1645,64,306,40,23,554,208,403,0.124,0.7859999999999999,0.09,-0.8412,1,2,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,2,2,23,20,2,3,18,0,30,10,2,2,5,58,53,36,0,10,9,0,5,3,0,4,6,0,0,3,20,20,1,3,8,0,0,7,6,10,1,3,12,5,34,10,56,33,10,84,0,2,0,1,14,28,1,7,50,218,54,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15088905510207032,0.0,0.058253407078737336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907298313124692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186858844738172,0.07463739725781272,0.0,0.06484670022263885,0.0,0.08287068929262925,0.06843943761643217,0.22405049149494266,0.12164357543732175,0.0,0.1609011890626738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644246941656003,0.0,0.0,0.36697841743100346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637566162107405,0.0,0.0,0.05816009308760708,0.0,0.0,0.046978423601969584,0.0,0.0,0.07393523655420514,0.0,0.07610658908110514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453770832849922,0.06085190532142187,0.0,0.06451825866487344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125551559253271,0.06867094233274762,0.08196987368973391,0.11049650961040032,0.0,0.1398835348730402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734320431640146,0.07611608009983853,0.0,0.16559594172905254,0.0610981819652759,0.05826008783252176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475907062753769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434735466676776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006643375232977,0.05937767062699027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05145194793885959,0.10676385543202044,0.07300893333680541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385891187017145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385249246746027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628694452165672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137175985198405,0.0,0.0,0.0764376379485719,0.0,0.0,0.11080245366599764,0.0,0.0854668659341063,0.0,0.0,0.13907588768394766,0.05050093275715113,0.12720933125479467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333160209645468,0.0,0.0,0.1564146223060522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599229165236146,0.08229310811249163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289671543017437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155943477164158,0.0776421272162302,0.0,0.12180187254127127,0.0,0.0,0.0833890761876475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271387600612723,0.0,0.058549334954782435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457762417960031,0.0,0.0,0.07156896654159338,0.0,0.12742795601570436,0.0,0.0,0.06960566713328163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583328571154023,0.0,0.0,0.2406824818179165,0.0,0.04296534239305242,0.05782026254355161,0.058431149778427165,0.0,0.06549560157513952,0.06752721817533211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021912093996889,0.0,0.05303137840160045,0.0,0.07423436959005839,0.2069854581081969,0.0,0.0,0.32836452213950923 bpd,psychocandid,2020/01/30,"Psychotic Episodes/Symptoms I thought my FP (my professor) was confessing his love to me in code during a lecture. Then I thought he was stalking me/threatening to rape me (through codes language, again in his lectures and paper comments). Then I thought he was possibly a serial killer (his son was named Dexter). I also thought a bunch of other things: that he had mistaken me for a prostitute and was soliciting my services (because he said something in class about “women being commodities” in the 18th century); that he might be part of BDSM culture, and somehow this was related to his wristband/the color of his pocket squares(!); he was mimicking Satan (we were reading paradise lost in his class) by purposely using a bunch of “s” sounds in his comment on my paper; he was using NLP (neurolinguistic programming) seduction techniques on me in emails and in person. It only happened to me once, and under a lot of stress. I was also obsessed with this man. Anyone else had anything like this happen to them or do you think I have a psychotic disorder?",7.955153110047848,8.388539194736843,7.790574162679428,69.97265550239236,62.31578947368421,10.90909090909091,40.430622009569376,10.637119530657019,4.662578947368422,837,44,133,19,11,268,116,190,0.109,0.835,0.055999999999999994,-0.8553,0,0,2,0,0,0,32.0,1,1,1,1,5,6,1,2,8,0,17,2,0,2,0,20,29,10,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,3,8,7,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,18,4,25,2,26,8,4,14,2,1,2,2,29,11,0,4,4,100,33,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590925838805928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326975159335573,0.1659816745440405,0.13330700058762873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874984724138053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856587983051734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353249378398944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865009625724104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914193222366002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683524402978162,0.1377212386466346,0.1462056260143546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718497008946875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17251798838546353,0.0,0.12320349770198905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17542337546088455,0.0,0.0,0.1414466379793824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18262354064613304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203752350787387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409309129658194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471065355952042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18556321966802808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683734657332728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762140667742387,0.1037990127884048,0.0,0.5144195663525468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27982106532629586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sophiemaude3,2020/01/30,Abandonment fears I have such bad abandonment anxiety it makes me so sad and makes me want to cut :c anyone else feel this?,0.8024999999999984,3.2773742500000047,1.9916666666666671,91.47,98.16666666666666,7.4,18.5,8.07648339933343,1.4432,98,3,20,3,4,31,21,24,0.611,0.35600000000000004,0.033,-0.9709,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,7,5,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856725286106461,0.0,0.0,0.26111057374217606,0.3826226301481868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117980160380354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119524115127646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42021198241606217,0.18881716441820434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4985341526931669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202583813964157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Serendipity0194,2020/01/30,"DAE split on their therapist? 😖 I'm literally embarrassed to go back and schedule an appointment with her because I split on her in the past (twice actually) and completely disappeared after a few (amazing & greatly helpful) sessions.. There aren't many professional therapists who are bpd-informed where I live. I actually think she might be the only one. And that's my predicament.",6.0864676616915405,8.930387522388063,6.55305970149254,67.96949004975126,69.29850746268656,10.436815920398011,38.03233830845771,10.504223727775694,5.0707233830845775,312,18,47,10,6,101,56,67,0.077,0.9229999999999999,0.0,-0.5709,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,7,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,8,2,6,5,1,10,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,4,33,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.4228466701761738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347448335917527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16659377637321146,0.0,0.13207044477453586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728684949511732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22715790190970386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231296262759765,0.0,0.0,0.238862120491472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521880426359415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19130970808914524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21965344566103892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298359649717169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468105545201823,0.16477535098871227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068210355365226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5031046605518169,0.0,0.13882332144386114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mademma12,2020/01/30,"My relationship is in turmoil, and it's hard to resist maladaptive behaviors Long story short, I fucked up (isn't bpd fun?!) and I've never felt worse in my life. I've never had DBT because I live in rural Idaho, so I don't have the tools I need to resist self harm or impulsive behaviors. Can anyone throw some applicable ones my way? Thank you",4.0369565217391274,5.233733275362322,5.69634782608696,78.80191304347828,71.31884057971016,8.998260869565216,25.394202898550724,9.3871,2.106997681159421,272,8,53,6,5,93,52,69,0.174,0.755,0.071,-0.8125,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,1,5,1,1,1,0,6,2,0,0,2,8,10,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,2,2,8,2,6,8,1,10,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,2,3,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915182592271334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618658286101586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226944368182309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460070476187384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23686708926965144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295187506367439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18097257576683348,0.0,0.0,0.22624296923957304,0.22674264349736384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899805372277435,0.3952183577490639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361824500237608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27507954723074457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672886316198257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23588879693222525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20337192785111535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261105470508212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bilonely,2020/01/30,"Warring relationships due to my condition impulsivity and abandonment issues have been affecting my relationships and friendships. A few days ago after a planned attempt to commit suicide (which i eventually did not go through with), was stopped by my best friend, which stressed him out to the point he hasn't been talking to me now, because I seemingly do nothing to make things better for myself while being dependent on others. His perception isn't right, because I do try to be independent, a lot of issues that I ""depend"" on people for are just surface level, there are things I'm dealing with, or atleast learning to deal with, alone. But I understand that not everyone can understand or feel what you feel, and I really scared him that day. It's affecting my relationships now. I have started therapy obviously, but I just can't bring this relationship back to what it was anytime soon, and it is keeping me up at night in tears. I'm tired of this.",11.760467980295566,8.927556672413793,10.922676518883417,61.025689655172435,56.98850574712644,14.540558292282428,46.69622331691298,12.785403640627713,5.913470607553368,767,38,129,20,7,248,114,174,0.115,0.8270000000000001,0.057999999999999996,-0.8315,0,1,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,1,0,4,7,7,1,2,4,0,18,1,0,6,2,35,30,9,2,0,8,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,15,8,0,3,7,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,5,2,19,3,24,23,3,25,0,1,0,0,13,10,0,6,13,101,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153650926115364,0.0,0.0,0.1347902723448124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007295342648752,0.0,0.1586695464460686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657844095519436,0.1151020803521933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678646475015949,0.2683461711427226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435848078299293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160976333206714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054918349324504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396401968902122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716737277423197,0.0,0.11567825679139587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106440520289497,0.0,0.0,0.08687234824634213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213163380861633,0.0,0.12487699088663355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902256890057238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302845451031055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337378782343624,0.0,0.0,0.5589052042265579,0.0,0.11114254337668368,0.0,0.0,0.13029717426836274,0.0,0.0,0.11847850658512073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211682384932374,0.0,0.0,0.10880648408090413,0.14907988581404205,0.0,0.0,0.1423567694537717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460507952447884,0.0,0.0,0.1488313790641433,0.0,0.17292421469426889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958175782637229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835945451109027,0.0,0.0,0.27096966647305165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,embercherry,2020/01/30,“I like you. You’re amazing and smart and hot but I don’t want to date you.” So why waste my time?? I’m pretty straight up about how I GREATLY do not appreciate having my time wasted. And now I’ve lost another FP because I don’t want to stay friends and have my feelings hurt over and over and my body taken advantage of. I’m so sick of it. I’m so sick of being alone. I’m so sick of all this bullshit.,-0.027016229712856443,1.7536694943820237,2.3205992509363327,96.03822721598007,84.39325842696628,5.303870162297129,21.124843945068665,6.42735559955562,0.0956132334581774,311,10,76,3,9,106,53,89,0.369,0.456,0.175,-0.9869,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,2,7,8,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,1,1,13,15,12,0,2,2,0,2,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,2,10,6,10,12,1,9,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752435469574436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27866882242416197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620026727382214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951955190774562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437445241255955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053227835133218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929974378567284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844977893672098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983518358828855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901045719809028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703698633026133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28326102875864645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099294606143886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31350009392013223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398038714263063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,THEallister,2020/01/30,"DAE find themselves not caring about other people? This is so hard to say and I really wish to not act/feel like this. So my friend is struggling and got admitted to the psychiatric hospital. She's had a hard time for a while and we had a fight quite recently which made me so angry that I almost broke my hand punching the wall. But she explained and I should be able to see what she's going through and be there for her. But I'm not. I am terrible because I don't care about her and her struggles. It makes me angry, actually. I think I feel jealous of her being admitted. But I also find myself not caring about her at all. I'm a terrible person, I know.",1.359206349206353,3.5614281851851857,3.2921957671957682,88.63416666666667,81.96296296296295,6.523809523809526,21.494708994709,7.7094869923839395,0.9726931216931218,515,16,107,9,14,173,82,135,0.239,0.645,0.11599999999999999,-0.9538,0,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,1,0,0,1,8,12,2,2,6,0,10,1,1,2,1,28,27,14,0,2,7,0,4,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,7,7,0,0,8,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,4,6,23,5,12,19,1,6,0,1,1,0,16,2,0,1,4,78,30,0,0.16593333313427489,0.0,0.16192699696798274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615826411366538,0.0,0.0,0.13269682655741755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115141974113824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5075402760219943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16780175794299232,0.11854280634617365,0.0,0.0,0.3033201206978693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128199681564111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943037371553711,0.0,0.13271204480594007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29728734772023313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119262035904048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106664495300167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15701013191179874,0.11076178836057683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503728024020575,0.14488658614582492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17649052492600234,0.0,0.0,0.1063011421716452,0.0,0.16383914812362949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319568465846959,0.0,0.0,0.13222738304695394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469390955622868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632337977811056,0.0,0.0,0.09675706095111296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19081514404471675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wheres-my-serotonin,2020/01/30,"Relationship advice needed! I haven’t been in a relationship since 2016 since the stuff in my head got worse and I don’t know how to get back into the dating game. I want to have a relationship but everything I start, I get incredibly attached to and I don’t know how to not be like that I guess😂 any advice on how to jump back into that? I think I’ve done a lot of work on myself and I want to venture out but I’m scared and don’t know how to🙈",0.17151515151515184,1.9979338787878795,2.8124141414141413,92.53195454545455,83.94949494949495,5.980202020202023,16.97070707070707,7.1686216300943375,-0.13295232323232353,350,7,85,5,10,122,54,99,0.10400000000000001,0.866,0.03,-0.8051,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,5,0,8,1,1,4,0,22,20,10,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,1,0,0,3,0,11,1,14,16,1,12,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,5,55,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256136780226973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132987563268956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25622163821572225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049723178119988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497360029033897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409099714632836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325117072887602,0.0,0.18353685259111216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17098727541157802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27468923658989963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139596796089832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164366743961568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353728814550922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.53662204221125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680308866093155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27563875294957435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179255868132284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19072563124082234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675530508177357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196538741620137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212921833844997,0.0,0.16978719092616218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,s0ul_99,2020/01/30,"JOBS AND BPD! I’ve noticed that i’m really unstable when it comes to keeping a job and it’s ruining my LIFE!!!!!! i don’t know why i just ghost jobs and leave them after a few weeks... it’s become normal and i can’t do this anymore. Does anyone know what a good job would be for someone with Bpd? and any advice in how to keep a job for a long period of time without leaving it. i can’t afford to be unemployed anymore...",1.0986666666666665,2.6713474777777795,3.613055555555558,89.19625000000002,79.7777777777778,6.722222222222222,22.36111111111111,7.645422480735847,0.9061111111111102,323,10,72,5,8,113,59,90,0.11599999999999999,0.848,0.036000000000000004,-0.6768,8,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,5,0,7,1,0,1,0,16,13,7,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,7,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,10,10,1,8,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,44,13,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294472855934283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008354045007637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26274753223138536,0.09262548495017132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463017294451617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336804249363954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411041256348005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592461483191377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110880832575136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6572757793309455,0.23548927119144686,0.0,0.0,0.14560312197456246,0.0,0.0,0.2805313305458873,0.0,0.0,0.09356685318025196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723099781236687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979160639792112,0.0,0.15081696490882876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486310684304706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224065087542892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724380597957252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062587332741631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953277162412487,0.0,0.0,0.12769549924997556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410225824817486,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,persephonesrage24,2020/01/30,"BPD friend only wants to be friends if I'm unhappy BPD woman here who has a BPD best friend (great combo, right?) So she is my closest friend. We've talked pretty much daily for the entire duration of our friendship. If we go more than a day without talking it's because she is purposely ignoring me out of anger. Why is she angry, you might ask? Any time I mention something good happens, she hates it. It can be something as simple as ""I'm so excited that I got a good grade on my final!"" and she immediately ghosts me. At first I thought it was a coincidence, but it's too much of a coincidence at this point. I don't even like bringing up happy things with her because I know she's going to ghost me. Now I'm in the process of buying a house, and she hasn't talked to me in 2 weeks since it became official that I got the house. I'm just so sick of it. I don't want a friend who is constantly rooting for my failure in life. *backstory: we have had pretty much identical lives of mothers who abused meth and gave us away, and just in general shit lives. We live in adjoined apartments currently so our living situations are identical. I just felt this was relevant so I don't seem like some richy rich person who is constantly bragging about how good my life is to a less fortunate friend and that's what annoyed her to the point of ghosting.",4.14183724995145,5.145187110701112,5.168941542046998,83.40807923868715,70.88191881918819,8.50969120217518,29.39230918624976,8.841846274778883,2.210279704797048,1061,41,217,19,19,349,150,271,0.141,0.688,0.17,0.8336,1,0,3,0,1,0,28.0,6,1,0,2,14,21,4,0,12,0,20,4,1,2,0,29,39,16,3,4,7,1,1,2,6,1,3,0,0,2,18,10,0,1,4,0,2,3,5,5,0,1,8,1,33,16,31,28,7,28,0,0,0,0,35,16,1,5,11,143,51,1,0.0,0.10811010281242348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06204955576732898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530151978584467,0.0,0.08572744186858103,0.0,0.0,0.11124389974904532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095755730912515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34475868785981995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19720630891091034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058845312274285334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602662937672809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760926464218168,0.09995415854505686,0.0,0.0776127337994312,0.0,0.0,0.4229727835835026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371298305965204,0.2295952900165237,0.14595351647722388,0.10059765389281464,0.0,0.0,0.08068742699040514,0.09713172813564727,0.0,0.09008529559502032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21056837080622087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05014572579918043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889772416524964,0.08915514727546117,0.0,0.3222831273722088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679625555016087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012261598060161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939574049968017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967139218329966,0.0,0.0,0.17251155456572592,0.0,0.0,0.18565741823901968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792251399327084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830657892719926,0.0,0.0,0.09366141990021254,0.0754785962673517,0.10256291680099093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048932560170774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200172101169518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060618954407140026,0.0,0.0,0.07243813568692015,0.05320554479612665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975619401108737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763702977827293,0.0,0.07319103093772031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233419048427562,0.0,0.0,0.08795667846047181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lucyrwe,2020/01/30,"Tips for stopping bpd spending sprees. The minute I get any form of money every want I have I feel like I NEED NOW. And it’s this nagging thought about whatever it is I want, when in reality it’s always things I can do without. Does anyone have any tips for coping/dealing with this? Thanks guys",0.5281167608286275,3.005969118644072,1.7666666666666693,94.07263653483992,95.10169491525423,3.9781544256120527,20.11487758945385,5.82211442006289,0.030749905838041162,234,8,47,2,9,74,45,59,0.083,0.769,0.14800000000000002,0.4118,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,12,2,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,6,2,7,11,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,29,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236651945780556,0.0,0.0,0.3655898046276345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795294222055814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33854731050498865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23523085946771985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22647768062984194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591460922293572,0.19203254361857164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404382000684141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661567137671603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313233127574851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19931363106508865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247309073486407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474772065086637,0.0,0.0,0.17858042192549115,0.0,0.0,0.2133991415883363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170933312955095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25911599604868346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,booboothedumbassfool,2020/01/30,Anybody else take Venlaflaxine and it makes them tired? Usually I take it with dinner but my sleep has been so messed up the last week or so that dinner is my morning. After about 30-45ish minutes I’m non-stop yawning but mentally I don’t feel tired at all.,1.4716025641025612,3.965460903846157,2.539999999999999,92.28833333333336,84.19230769230771,5.7743589743589725,22.128205128205128,7.1686216300943375,0.7952205128205132,205,7,42,3,6,65,43,52,0.188,0.812,0.0,-0.8742,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,4,6,1,1,1,8,9,6,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,5,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218310744742096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426892345196656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216456862038863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17725518808738186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676096789568461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26573952983233273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220098131363621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993177269959205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6104161601058422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29246333518934475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21300639100200824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shanzeee42,2020/01/30,DAE get told they’re playing games and to quit playing dumb?? I don’t believe myself to be playing any games and it’s definitely not my intentions and I’m honestly the dumbest smart person around- I just don’t pick up on hints and cues and I am always saying some of the most ridiculous things. No matter how hard I try I don’t seem to be capable of thinking before I speak. Who else relates?? How can I help this not to be a problem in every relationship?,0.8291935483870958,3.3318686129032287,2.7851881720430143,88.89778225806455,88.67741935483872,5.250537634408602,23.87903225806452,6.816661863887847,1.0214451612903228,363,15,72,5,12,121,66,93,0.132,0.636,0.233,0.7999,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,2,0,3,0,8,0,0,4,0,19,13,7,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,6,0,0,2,5,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,3,9,5,10,9,2,4,0,0,0,0,9,4,1,3,0,47,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21834763344818756,0.0,0.0,0.17844901797040966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23360213062367696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232931086097668,0.2956482305561752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219211381408606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22109325363586171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370993313846153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350694239238807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17588909368776692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22912785626953736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25109264676124343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791072431472674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817320611992785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086803905201327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388898411796341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433473536716065,0.1681428814629598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507457139683483,0.0,0.17816038253071936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,veganbpd,2020/01/30,"New job I am a supply teacher and had to apply for jobs for semester 2.. I interviewed for ,9 in 2 days while sick.. today I got offered 5 and had only 2 hours to decide what I wanted. Of course my mind goes into every which way... And even question whether I shouldn't take any jobs. It was a lot of pros and cons of resisting or acting upon my urge of declining all jobs. Anyways long story short: I'm wishing I didn't take this job. I don't know the kids, its a rougher school, and my dealings with a previous head teacher was not okay. I asked a question, they thought it was a stupid question and I pretty much cried. It was awful... And pretty sure they would will be my head when I start tomorrow. Why. Do . I . Do . This. To . Myself? I'm so scared of failing, as if it's not bad already, let's have omeone else judge me.... ugh.. I'm so numb in the chest . My head is frozen, my body too... I don't know what to do. I want to quit... But I know that'll be really bad for me in the long run. I know to resist the urge but there's times where I become a zombie and my head fills with worries. How do I'make sure that doesn't happen when I meet the team and start working ?!?",-0.6711693548387103,1.4588515604838717,1.5163709677419348,97.99455645161294,91.86290322580645,4.2290322580645165,16.620967741935484,5.800992412223965,-0.6118612903225804,889,22,207,7,32,296,139,248,0.073,0.86,0.067,-0.5148,5,0,0,0,0,0,51.0,0,0,2,4,10,10,1,1,12,2,24,8,6,1,3,39,42,21,0,6,7,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,12,12,0,0,9,1,0,3,7,7,0,0,9,0,29,3,23,26,3,24,0,1,0,0,12,7,0,6,13,129,41,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825798845896233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671271912990481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171212042461394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382213244466168,0.0,0.10834594350899676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089691984328217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776043251993772,0.06326766954765142,0.10113884688003756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195162676891696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479544098869887,0.0,0.0826551599951749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846112538886041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675126820101832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027237879437308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661070171604916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4867554520872241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156571585040988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003159341990796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736343529861406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340280607462902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990550469418316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721162524303756,0.0,0.0,0.09474751590906742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461098613061372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19960998985724324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296900507234802,0.10434354490139736,0.0,0.0,0.06284664860001628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821720877262377,0.09928445407728624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887419079167002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491993435282705,0.0,0.14752097920702528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788202414367522,0.05720406088719303,0.0,0.09298921836099808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572619411654217,0.077868795572155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852178966698837,0.0,0.1128124501802256,0.0,0.0,0.07141941911027108,0.09962733562052584,0.0,0.06968884096511924,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mochibabs,2020/01/30,"I’m not sure how to deal with any of my emotions at all, esp in relationship I’ve had problems since I was younger (around 13/14 - 22 now) that always got put down to anxiety and depression, but recently about a week ago got diagnosed with BPD. I’ve felt overly emotional this past week because I finally know what’s “wrong” with me. Everybody else seems to think it’s not a big deal, but it is to me. My mood has been up and down like crazy, and it’s affecting my relationship with my boyfriend now, which is what I need help with. So he has previously cheated on me (online, not physical) and we decided to give things a go again; But I took things VERY rough and am having a hard time trusting him again. I’m talking down to him without even realising (he tells me so), I’m constantly checking his social media, seeing when he’s online and comparing it to what he tells me, checking where he is etc... all in fear he will hurt me again. I have asked him and he has said there is nobody else at all. I’m scared of my behaviour - I’m not abusive. I’m just so, so scared and I don’t think he realises how petrified of being that hurt I am again. Long story short, I need help dealing with my emotions in my relationship. How can I learn to trust again with BPD constantly looming over me? It’s scary.",4.076556403731974,4.92285200763359,5.084376590330791,84.53515691263785,70.90839694656489,9.02832909245123,28.29601357082273,9.2995712137729,2.18342171331637,1014,36,217,21,18,333,137,262,0.18100000000000002,0.733,0.086,-0.9788,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,1,0,0,0,21,14,1,3,4,0,18,1,0,4,4,44,39,19,0,3,9,0,3,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,14,17,0,0,7,0,2,3,6,9,0,0,8,5,28,4,33,29,4,37,0,3,1,0,28,16,0,1,19,135,42,1,0.0,0.11889028626984892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894819431662537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349358248980375,0.0,0.0,0.06823681835632255,0.0,0.07676227497004554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932672388066032,0.09380734864518916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06116828466015725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527575007785568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21687070783123974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103483059901574,0.08642545295124726,0.10184623794354776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764773922485765,0.33861778967622186,0.0,0.0,0.11190919489089712,0.06627573864069494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291399945527565,0.0,0.0,0.09634520995019337,0.10992107318501294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625834284473556,0.0570273541745493,0.0,0.1605072505219577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988779968561687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134515866473645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148389464329279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05514599968347088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04902262002470344,0.0,0.0,0.08880057625939082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880642585512074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578894049310946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601489278297033,0.0,0.10087263310855754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990768065989685,0.3231931400439868,0.0,0.0,0.0954493635777816,0.0,0.20092210066965385,0.0,0.07996054061112001,0.09134868258254283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300493371134399,0.0,0.0,0.10228725804348496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945722804846716,0.0,0.0,0.08065206493076538,0.17540876291632795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332712957175366,0.12859174447459498,0.0,0.0,0.0585109280945745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114849896600601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279365053889531,0.0,0.0,0.16097852826333595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672726608774307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970953937797913,0.0,0.0 bpd,damiensol,2020/01/30,I wish I wish I would have known sooner the effects BPD would have on my life. I wish I had known about splitting. I wish I could have kept her around. I wish I could turn back time to fix everything.,1.2021428571428563,3.080809928571433,1.7097619047619048,101.50607142857143,80.66666666666667,5.152380952380953,17.642857142857142,5.985473137389443,-0.6908285714285713,155,3,38,1,4,47,25,42,0.0,0.675,0.325,0.91,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,1,0,14,15,0,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,11,0,4,9,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508572126983198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668296975999567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19111822204879836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24231296571408675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637912566969726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071823774254624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848405695906336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505559559756264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8724995317310941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215591385567148,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Even_Appeal,2020/01/30,"DAE feel a compulsive need to find information about people online? I'm not diagnosed yet, but it's something my psych thinks could be a possibility and her and i are exploring further. i've been going through this subreddit and there's a lot that i relate to, so much of it feels like my mind is being read. it's making me examine some of my fucked up behaviors and wondering if they're BPD related. I know that most people in 2020 do this to some degree but i've always taken it to a degree, especially concerning people i've been in relationships with, that's on another level. that no one else seems to relate to. Like very little respect for boundaries or privacy and then feeling super guilty and weird and like i'm insane for it, and then I have to hide it. I'm gonna feel super weird if no one does this.",4.114979550102252,5.4321772208589,5.706273006134971,78.34484918200411,71.26993865030677,9.114314928425358,26.466768916155424,9.516144504307137,2.340121063394683,649,21,125,15,12,221,100,163,0.14,0.713,0.147,0.4986,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,1,0,4,0,9,2,0,1,0,35,26,16,0,4,6,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,13,9,0,0,12,1,0,2,3,3,0,2,3,4,9,6,18,19,5,12,0,0,0,1,3,7,1,9,6,81,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445587396203681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18217289571424455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21880906683219906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387106717006405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17633407686145608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520338317663566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513059063856282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513759866362351,0.12411400228794332,0.0,0.0,0.15878767896019927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16061221035411266,0.0,0.0,0.0987357614504554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547843045687124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546296835876496,0.1741248620087488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477005275399293,0.0,0.0,0.1159672971960568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541954974164292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771283161190164,0.1288198968564738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354502702221223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613311773952077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958564529313628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17377877180428264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18652289028486452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815886714079005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374719470721694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113202952400682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334689461832015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18840468013349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,passthesalt22,2020/01/30,"Experience of Females with BPD and Birth Control? Hello ladies, I am just curious of personal stories regarding symptoms of BPD and how they interact with birth control? If you have BPD and have taken some form of hormonal birth control (pull, ring, IUD, Depovera) how has this affected your symptoms of BPD? Did you notice they got worse/better when you began birth control? Or did you stop taking birth control and it improved your symptoms? I've been on the pill consistently for 5 years. I honestly do not remember what my personality was like prior to me starting the pill, but I do remember when I first began the hormones reallllyyy affected me terribly. I think with time I have just gotten used to feeling this way and being so emotional. But, now I'm curious to see what other females have experienced in terms of how the hormones affected their symptoms of BPD because I am thinking of getting off the pill for awhile. I can find almost no research or testimonials on this specific topic so any feedback, stories, advice is appreciated.",8.3027807486631,8.965261844919787,8.708449197860961,62.90620320855616,61.5668449197861,11.505882352941176,41.59893048128343,11.20814326018867,5.21354973262032,843,46,127,22,11,280,110,187,0.07400000000000001,0.823,0.10300000000000001,0.6955,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,6,3,6,10,3,0,0,5,0,16,7,0,12,0,37,30,17,0,1,8,0,1,1,0,0,7,1,0,2,7,8,0,6,6,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,9,4,20,2,20,20,3,23,0,0,1,0,13,4,0,5,18,93,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923265667952901,0.0,0.0,0.09460992127980064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425089546213265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05759525660729443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5949828901382329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5298471233742967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627936027388303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924213754090996,0.0,0.0,0.04777286039392667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635469591260883,0.08036621026871607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04936286514158272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556576363473654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04615905768114157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756820833039396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649958078567599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21405902763722032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528979896268365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687473716645513,0.0,0.0,0.0789910541946021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39281125938607664,0.0710385900703996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108030430708,0.0,0.0,0.055093124429775514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160197970838502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499529189218715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06084321136270551 bpd,fearlessexplorer20,2020/01/30,"Looking for some dbt input on a situation. Not in crisis but need the input quickly OK I'm looking for some other perspectives on a situation through a wise minded lense. I think most of all it involves my self respect. Basically I am going back to stay at my old flat for a few days on my way to somewhere else. My flatmate and I originally met through a mutual friend. The mutual friend was a close friend of mine but I no longer consider her a friend. We drifted apart and then I felt that she no longer made time for me and was overly critical of me. Towards the end of my time in the flat I realised that I no longer considered this person a friend but I didn't tell my flatmate about that. Now with my visit back I am going my flatmate suggested we have over the former mutual friend and some others for dinner. I don't want to meet them for dinner. But at the same time I don't want to say no because then I would have to explain why. I feel it could make my old flatmate reject me too since she is very close to this former friend and the rest of that friend group. I also worry its rude to say no since I'm the visitor. But then on the other hand part of me is sick of pretending that I'm still friends with this person. If we had had a dramatic falling out it may have been easier but it wasn't like that. Thank you in advance.",2.812401185770753,4.27369941666667,4.223741765480895,87.12527667984193,74.76086956521739,7.337022397891962,24.13965744400527,8.00094639256281,1.2060420289855078,1053,32,223,16,22,349,134,276,0.133,0.6709999999999999,0.195,0.9794,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,3,1,1,1,8,16,1,0,18,1,19,4,1,3,1,41,37,16,0,6,8,0,3,1,9,2,1,2,0,3,17,13,2,0,4,1,0,6,10,2,0,0,10,7,36,14,38,24,9,42,0,1,2,0,30,16,0,6,19,165,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220123943504397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580785487106505,0.0,0.06265991651080033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206956429169708,0.0,0.0,0.06629113798557455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586797391341952,0.0,0.0910415560977402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05197378430268936,0.0,0.0986946559844748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7147386786728647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168360130175968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05021807125955638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263566187329316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726251773945048,0.0686132179758032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037887412629106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621758785746939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21572192577052454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131170697969107,0.0,0.0,0.17950477441969145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348569325444232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723253582215808,0.0,0.0,0.1700581353632472,0.2310808527335685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095606147280102,0.0820883401953186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898431147829708,0.09463535247940713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586377252135597,0.0,0.0,0.1798132752820302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481263221969551,0.12125657792637733,0.08159003024690742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275211518775106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043883787718966,0.0,0.07301916769660709,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LetsAbortGod,2020/01/30,"Dealing with an episode and heroin relapse. I’ve lost the girl I wanted to spend my life with. Found this sub a while ago and it’s really helped me understand some things that were eating me alive. Cheers guys. Ive suspected for sometime my girlfriend suffers from BDP. I have never had any intention of diagnosing her, or getting her to admit her diagnosis (assuming she knows) because that’s not my place. All I’ll say is I have a BPD friend and that, plus everything I’m reading, means I’m just glad to have an explanation that makes sense to me. To cut a long story short she had a full blown episode coupled with a smack relapse and a suicide attempt. Worst week of my life. Initially I was horrified but supportive, I decided the best thing was to be there and listen. Make her feel valued and understood. Be someone she would turn to when she was hurting (if she wanted that). But she didn’t, she used again and again and acted in such an incomprehensible way, inflicting so much pain in me. I decided to end the relationship, not because of the addiction and the things she was doing as a result of the ongoing episode - but because she didn’t turn to me for help. She just left me to pick up the pieces. More to the point, I judged that if I kept picking up the pieces I would start to resent her. Which means I would make mistakes, I would be a source of pain. I hated the thought of that. Now that my uni year has ended and this whole episode and relapse has dragged on months, i’m questioning all my decisions. My therapist says I made the right call, but it’s destroying me to see what she’s doing to herself. She seems so desperate to prove I failed her. I know she loves me, after everything. Or at least I believe she does based on some of her actions. We’d been through a lot together before this all happened and it was a very serious relationship. It’s important to understand that for me, in any other relationship (BPD or no) I would have walked away long before it got to the point it did. I never had any intention of becoming a doormat. But I found my person. And now all I do is lay awake at night for hours trying to understand why she pushes me away so brutally, then gives me hope again. Repeat cycle. Despite the fact I’m moving city for my studies this year very soon, I have every intention of waiting for her to reach out properly again. It’s fucking brutal trying to wrap my head around it. I suppose I’m really just looking for some insight from people with BPD. Because I feel completely alone and my failure to be the person she trusts has caused me to hate myself. I love you dearly, sweet girl.",3.845963533033392,5.557199974757283,4.683149419843712,83.85920198910729,72.55339805825244,8.131186360407293,27.70660667771726,8.771748573748791,2.1018941510774334,2077,78,408,40,41,671,246,515,0.151,0.7509999999999999,0.099,-0.9839,0,1,0,0,0,2,57.0,1,1,0,4,18,28,8,0,28,0,37,11,1,12,8,93,84,32,1,11,15,0,2,0,2,5,6,3,0,5,27,21,1,2,23,1,1,5,7,17,0,0,21,8,76,11,61,53,17,52,0,4,2,3,49,20,1,13,26,291,103,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033592707008247,0.0,0.0,0.06532413756908848,0.0,0.0,0.07632341893293751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503407014779217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06560213216476253,0.0,0.0,0.13847344633976502,0.0,0.0,0.17968955852129873,0.08138780411429415,0.1254141302854528,0.08302644433697033,0.0773359485435594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27844015068540834,0.0,0.07524849223765845,0.0,0.0,0.0757027087257482,0.0,0.0,0.07726540025374617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153957761063793,0.0,0.0,0.07597394412403237,0.0,0.07479654544347407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448898368970589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540603571556323,0.0,0.0,0.1305397288510211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06208928320573751,0.0,0.1324605049682075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452249281581569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616004970739166,0.05693480190831517,0.06812771929481838,0.03850139736817329,0.07069275861608687,0.0,0.0,0.05893878900233478,0.0,0.0,0.07296736496170271,0.06516621660528332,0.0,0.0,0.145512581195436,0.07562997677575532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878933500853668,0.0,0.0,0.07319348488541509,0.07257247121538421,0.0,0.07888956599852795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099916805246805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006734076882319,0.0,0.1041026753013152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043145179842155,0.06188331311791919,0.0,0.08044429388596126,0.06265090342603102,0.1330210887700519,0.06972982030010931,0.14757136060825213,0.0,0.0,0.160545921338241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058820814916985265,0.07832368413856884,0.05417261815411687,0.0,0.11367271586740073,0.0,0.0,0.06915561256745165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682846996472066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05108924361307459,0.12869125696321362,0.07699319315194539,0.0,0.13932685365070654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825526961683501,0.0,0.07371264836451652,0.0,0.0944188690381984,0.0,0.0,0.23735516278685104,0.0,0.0629331683351056,0.0,0.11720679535367605,0.0,0.0,0.058723545712306716,0.06708707190317496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062439590712660475,0.0,0.07288397062250204,0.0,0.052160076651808406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060785963222354,0.08362560955206051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556291161403938,0.14687447824124672,0.0,0.0,0.05850377706576365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006502021279323,0.16031300562545922,0.0,0.2301501178004374,0.0,0.06364683730919696,0.0,0.12160840046730305,0.08693173470650345,0.05849383996657255,0.059111843735191176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649620506249362,0.08227527461077215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26174592023144594,0.0,0.0,0.09491137319976772 bpd,boob_sweat_,2020/01/30,"Does anyone else who gets in a relationship spend it terrified you're going to ruin it? I haven't been in a serious relationship in over two years. I recently found a person I'm absolutely head over heels in love with, but I'm so scared I'm being too clingy/needy/emotional or that they'll just eventually come to resent the behaviors they now find endearing/me in general. I'm not sure if it's just my anxiety, but I'm going against my instincts to self-sabatoge this one because I really want it to work out, but I'm so afraid of not being good enough.",5.189658659924142,5.521521088495575,6.682705436156763,75.90309734513276,68.20353982300885,11.058912768647282,30.302149178255373,10.914260884657429,3.2822273072060675,445,16,90,13,7,153,77,113,0.182,0.767,0.052000000000000005,-0.9333,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,1,6,8,1,2,4,0,5,3,2,0,1,17,18,7,0,2,9,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,2,0,1,3,3,5,0,2,2,0,7,3,15,13,1,14,0,1,0,1,7,8,0,2,3,53,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104419203838024,0.0,0.0,0.13805750183742066,0.20230480791207275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036008753612915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17008060471290776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278465784841882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493920567206366,0.2220980313199662,0.0,0.2040125299870507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18046032557967734,0.0,0.0,0.21648725873399194,0.0,0.0,0.10315639029069916,0.0,0.2244240582693152,0.16560673898590655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026346038132508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820100422381446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379322848077316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240056774240367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648774292750975,0.0,0.19495222371045864,0.42396213269552346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19767598322316865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20597725175793094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18608872262590556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19287419079983364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645764267045172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374165250952947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714752354566253 bpd,a_suicidal_nobody,2020/01/30,"Does anyone else feel like they don't deserve help? I don't want to talk to my friends or family (or I just put it off until things are really bad) because my experience with BPD feels so fake. I don't even know how to describe it. Like, I obsess over people and feel rejected without even the slightest hint that they actually dislike me? That just makes me sound insecure. I'm really scared of being invalidated, told that I'm overreacting or overthinking something, or that my BPD isn't real and it's just me being unable to cope with things that everyone else can handle easily. So I don't talk about it, and I feel like I have no one to go to. But even just posting on here makes me feel like I seem desperate for attention. I can't get out of my head about what other people will think about every potential action I take. This really just turned into a stream of consciousness, but does anyone else relate to any of these things? I'm really feeling isolated by my BPD right now.",5.065765265662172,5.978415298969072,6.166082474226805,77.43446867565427,68.69072164948454,9.886756542426648,26.77874702616971,10.035473477838034,2.524571451229184,784,23,150,19,13,262,111,194,0.115,0.8170000000000001,0.068,-0.7845,0,1,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,0,16,11,0,3,2,0,12,1,1,3,0,35,32,13,0,1,12,0,6,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,16,7,0,0,11,0,0,3,8,6,0,1,1,7,21,5,25,28,0,12,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,5,6,100,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.10386188176102988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237713288946909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488388888734976,0.21810348892781206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886593444868633,0.06487971118980038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021405964548022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862780084115318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667298166761385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108911900565266,0.0,0.0896732074032558,0.10169994807346766,0.0,0.10411052051024412,0.10033423364830073,0.0,0.3228900677917353,0.2281042537727302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222878468527467,0.0,0.05560611450564031,0.0,0.0604875269810076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092295198648552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133885326148856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584920200495159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20798840095915205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208782947566276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212080184286898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757253110525034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193204562043597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699314750117243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114245359911065,0.2727312150790239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089199883268163,0.0,0.0,0.10655659166772544,0.0,0.0,0.09689132491538616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193624001721361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002331231066036,0.1710913656853765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21212526332330453,0.06819706723228294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169994807346766,0.0,0.0,0.11576701051013814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277611105953901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025962575674361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,blondemimi,2020/01/30,"freaked myself out about going to a get together tonight and now i can’t stop dissociating i get insanely nervous in social situations where i don’t feel like i have complete control of the room and there’s a get together tonight that i’m super nervous about. i’ve been freaking out about it for the past few hours but now i’m having trouble staying fully present i’ve missed out on fun things because i always do this, so i really wanna go tonight but i’m nervous and now i’m dissociating so i don’t think it’ll be a good idea to show up like this if y’all could reply with any tips/coping skills on how to stop dissociating i would really appreciate it :)",3.325162822252373,5.070396007462686,5.099715061058348,80.19732021709635,74.0,7.857801899592942,28.59972862957937,8.575989854853784,2.172919402985075,531,22,105,10,11,181,82,134,0.146,0.6809999999999999,0.17300000000000001,0.8289,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,3,11,12,0,3,5,0,11,0,0,2,0,20,23,9,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,7,0,3,3,1,0,2,3,7,0,0,1,1,10,5,17,18,1,23,0,1,0,0,2,9,0,1,13,64,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319135179162765,0.0,0.0,0.14154413382051814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688182242463286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182335996646568,0.0,0.23344967131083375,0.16618496261691068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524317359237688,0.14869714476598406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32623781843549376,0.0,0.23658451976943856,0.17458017253456118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20497857485861007,0.0,0.0,0.23496770718555496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20337596201438693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19869570326216815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666830120442275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23396105002166476,0.0,0.21217521111605905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218523617128811,0.0,0.34803313681858666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828072237677308,0.13336940032198527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785856070648398,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Retexo,2020/01/30,"Does anyone actually recover? I’m not diagnosed BPD. I’m not diagnosed anything except for GAD/Panic disorder. Anyway, out of curiosity, does anyone ever ACTUALLY recover/get better from BPD, or is it just an endless, fruitless struggle that’s destined to fail? Like, are there any medications that ACTUALLY help BPD? Does anyone here actually consider themselves to be recovered and/or are they living a better life now after treatment (meds/therapy/etc) than they were before? Thanks",7.324232804232802,10.315618037037039,8.44384479717813,55.13444444444447,66.16049382716051,11.542151675485007,37.4973544973545,11.20814326018867,5.8290021164021155,395,21,48,14,7,134,62,81,0.096,0.736,0.168,0.7476,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,3,6,6,0,1,2,0,5,4,0,0,1,7,8,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,4,9,6,0,4,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,30,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.5103966458188931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891868035322371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742832657674359,0.0,0.10760118789142847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126387119060444,0.0,0.0,0.23128641558218965,0.0,0.0,0.4940484615192883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654295230938649,0.0,0.0,0.1498579005758961,0.0,0.3432768201541344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582769491286365,0.0,0.11827644293818275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831470277998816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764310544894205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235695075953007,0.063880860583094,0.0,0.11546009488570552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172308641051267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366947405266865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038271495380345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GuyAboveMeSucks,2020/01/30,"Fuck everything Had a fucking breakdown in front of everyone tonight. Fuck you, fuck him, fuck them, fuck my life, fuck absolutely everything",7.6652173913043455,10.769998347826093,6.338478260869567,70.10163043478265,65.52173913043478,11.556521739130435,41.934782608695656,11.20814326018867,5.943452173913045,114,7,17,4,2,34,17,23,0.568,0.4320000000000001,0.0,-0.9682,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,0,7,7,0,1,0,1,8,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,0,4,0,2,7,0,3,0,0,0,7,3,1,7,0,1,8,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009489059214045,0.2635324072776958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9487887208861436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355701358978132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,urcrazypysch0exgf,2020/01/30,"Realizing you are no longer the victim... Sitting here devastated that another relationship has crashed burned and left me on an emotional spiral I can't quite jump off of. I was dating this person for about a year and had the same argument over and over and over. ""You don't love me."" I need you to tell me how important I am, I feel worthless, unloveable. How do I know your intentions are true? Are you sleeping with other people? Are you using me for sex? Then after not receiving the validation I need the splitting happens. I fucking hate you so much. Youre the worst person to ever exist. You abuse me, you're using me just like every other man that's walked into my life. You make me hate myself, all I try to do is love you. Why can't you see that? Why don't you love me? You must be a narcissist because you have no bone in your body to love someone. DAE have these fights ? This immense feeling of worthlessness, our reoccurring fear of abandonment coming in and fucking up every relationship we have. I constantly consider myself the victim of abusive men. I have been in the past. I also seek out emotionally unavailable men because that's safer in my mind then the codependent love bombing men I used to date. So sitting at the bar with my best friend of 6 years which of course I fell in love with tried to seduce a relationship out of him normal average BPD favorite person bullshit literally brought up the reason why we broke up. And it was the same exact thing I felt unloved he didn't want to commit I shunned him as a horrible abusive person. When actually I was hurting him the whole time with my words. I feel so lost. Am I truly insane? The other day he told me I was insane triggering me into a spiral of self hate suicide threats and horrible things I accused him of. He's choosing to tell me he never loved me, that we were never in a relationship, that I imagined everything. Was this some manipulater or am I truly insane? It's so hard to tell when you're being taken advantage of or when you're overly attached and someone is just trying to get away from you. Confusion is taking over my mind. In DBT terms the most effective solution is to stop texting him and just stay away. It still doesn't take away my pain or confusion. Am I really some psycho bitch unworthy of love. That ruins every person I love ? Did I truly imagine an entire relationship after being honest with him about my deep love for him? Ugh",3.769025423728813,5.784239716101703,5.037000000000003,79.96689830508475,73.44915254237287,7.940338983050848,26.630508474576274,8.697196308434329,2.12681593220339,1934,70,354,38,40,641,228,472,0.278,0.643,0.079,-0.9988,0,0,0,0,2,1,47.0,4,17,0,5,18,41,10,3,22,0,38,20,3,10,8,72,75,25,1,5,7,0,5,1,1,1,2,0,0,10,20,22,1,2,11,1,0,6,11,25,0,0,15,6,75,16,61,56,11,57,0,7,1,14,64,27,3,8,22,261,95,0,0.0,0.22228828549353985,0.061027071401605966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05001080030334445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557547621836976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17626665387394425,0.0,0.0,0.07624392510826121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562870227356679,0.0,0.0,0.06946448681499377,0.07876313708558237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053870070858024914,0.0,0.06758025869912525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04033117853773693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069137048083896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056568278709869725,0.15807030851609852,0.0,0.05620420520651118,0.0,0.0,0.07037148880316625,0.09486172832557503,0.0,0.060045307897664386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04831591560994053,0.11562886058502032,0.03267299092567433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05530124487286808,0.0,0.05602085055558709,0.1852269620050221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669471304989828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034368688718726136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794661173895862,0.0,0.044171718404563326,0.030552409557831037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826650105772497,0.0,0.5644206604693204,0.0,0.0417439197503738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628904500002158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045971875889175236,0.09274075651753518,0.09646474850033616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061272962531296424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654375589339577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05969862360643768,0.04335526778436896,0.2730243938138521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651577604749698,0.0,0.0,0.04006279073194916,0.06429843094816794,0.0,0.33570656348468875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04983387636126857,0.0,0.0652397089372465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258214344820427,0.0,0.10597476040929303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665609985849291,0.0499421130016552,0.05228371549153829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840530594556513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404005225732508,0.0,0.16398023081849414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309358140779757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03646581594075167,0.0,0.0,0.05975676434304561,0.0,0.12737551313238726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203561532836336,0.0,0.0,0.036885931074889126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928969230565732,0.06982030483359215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805435295151842 bpd,dvallee98,2020/01/31,I learned yesterday my mom has BPD I have an extremely stable and hardworking father and I know that it is the only reason I didn’t follow in her footsteps. I’ve started therapy and I learned what BPD parents can pass on to kids. I see the traits that were passed on to me but I have overcome. Everything makes so much sense now.,0.9339393939393936,3.5057936060606067,2.4669696969696986,90.43712121212124,90.21212121212122,5.963636363636365,24.0,7.3871296695380915,1.402345454545455,262,11,52,5,9,85,50,66,0.0,0.97,0.03,0.1893,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,2,0,9,12,5,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,10,0,5,10,1,9,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,3,36,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6476984009290705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310939811741595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131321801568206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17163784399198195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30115030710278506,0.0,0.0,0.18902186735385249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955607432199391,0.0,0.0,0.2855150512704093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26437488683395743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20490119633134216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18199960470796694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940532578730951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aeipatheticvenus,2020/01/31,"Relapse My BPD symptoms are coming back so hard. I feel so lost and devastated because I feel like I have no one. I always end up cutting people out of my life that trigger my fear of abandonment. I have friends that are busy with their lives, so I can't confide in them even if I really wanted to. I just feel so incredibly isolated with nowhere to go and no one to turn to. I keep wishing a magical person will come in my life, and I'll be able to trust them, and they'll protect me, and things will be okay as long as they have their arms around me. But that's not going to happen, huh?",4.932055749128921,4.457250056910572,5.844970963995356,84.45365853658538,68.7560975609756,8.979790940766552,29.766550522648085,8.418075326091056,1.8768452961672482,459,15,102,6,7,152,78,123,0.18100000000000002,0.705,0.115,-0.8314,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,6,1,8,8,1,1,1,2,11,4,1,1,0,23,24,13,0,3,4,0,4,1,1,3,3,0,0,1,4,11,0,3,3,0,0,4,4,4,0,2,1,4,21,4,17,18,0,12,0,2,0,0,8,5,0,1,4,72,25,0,0.18131608154972675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086950477782562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16140975382085884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394208747379555,0.0,0.11052860039768887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283612574415441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312375498864062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605922307888242,0.0,0.0,0.11975756183090268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20403100061470544,0.2750365763106689,0.12953224488779091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008435483133178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20609221515089746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603372121088684,0.0,0.16242359496064884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116206425211255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25613782110429234,0.08858187881615608,0.0,0.16010542187301388,0.1604590264871664,0.0,0.0,0.1979279216080161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457289387103357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570174112282384,0.15831820872193136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615572470436855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18845683341784888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045834788797034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19721983050260056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069449226357148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085045455607029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Glass-Salamander,2020/01/31,"Am I ruining my relationship or is my concern real? My boyfriend and I been dating for 6 months. Friends for 4 years. He was in a relationship with a friend of mine for 2 years, she is extremely toxic. I can give examples if you want. After the breakup she started slandering him on facebook, instagram and twitter. This worried my boyfriend but I know her too and I think she is just looking for attention.And I think no reason to worry because she doesn’t mention his information Before we started dating he would often talk about how obsessed he was/is with her. That he would never love anyone else or stop being obsessed with her. We started dating 10 months after their breakup. It was ok but he kept mentioning things about her, I got fed up and told him to stop. He promised to never mention her again. Today he \[accidentally\] mentioned his ex and instantly backpedaled. I asked what happened and he ""confessed"" that he checked her again but that it's not what I'm thinking and he only wanted to know if she's still lying about him. I don't know if I should believe it. I am not a logical person all the time. I work on myself and follow what I learned in therapy but, I’m not cured and I have moments where BPD wins. That’s why I came here to ask for another perspective. Thanks",3.0516533333333307,5.419167412000004,3.9541,85.26688333333334,76.88,6.7266666666666675,28.016666666666666,7.793537801064563,1.8633466666666667,1023,44,193,16,24,328,142,250,0.114,0.8059999999999999,0.08,-0.8101,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,2,1,1,2,12,10,0,2,5,1,16,2,0,2,3,53,42,19,0,8,13,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,12,15,1,3,11,0,1,2,8,3,0,0,8,1,41,7,24,30,1,30,1,1,1,1,48,6,0,6,22,132,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333196804828458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889007811432283,0.13027220696484565,0.0,0.0,0.2377215846525435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750470389526448,0.0,0.10818864615223593,0.14324571859974392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013114773438514,0.0,0.0,0.14541680360473686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062109920159048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19645949378706787,0.0,0.0,0.12196638177904565,0.0,0.0,0.10168723051384146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243142592213536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20962208112694056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676742485721584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147507977846864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202967379096932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611980254777356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669737093276404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101566331313588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447156564534913,0.0,0.13072335519168854,0.0,0.2730062783271729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699757067235622,0.0,0.10153592367132,0.21259314139255184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219208280450978,0.0,0.11705545395478135,0.14539818412616504,0.0,0.08446762694160666,0.24440276037454706,0.0,0.0,0.07413763818623079,0.0,0.12051593749022685,0.12148981888250195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998352520812994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472605811798407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256103450259562,0.2582381476817969,0.0,0.1806363393423522,0.0,0.0,0.16375081416361806 bpd,Annette990,2020/01/31,"To go out to social event with old friend or not. Feeling touchy about alcohol being here. Not wanting to go. Feeling obliged to go, also wondering if I should go for own good, since have been isolated and depressed. Any tops on navigating obligations, desire to isolate, depression and history of alcohol abuse?",5.775555555555558,8.681165444444446,6.103481481481483,70.53966666666669,70.48148148148148,10.245925925925926,36.725925925925935,10.355215969177356,4.919463703703704,250,14,37,8,5,80,43,54,0.25,0.5820000000000001,0.168,-0.6046,0,0,2,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,14,12,5,0,4,4,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,0,0,4,2,2,0,0,1,2,1,2,11,9,1,9,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,3,2,25,1,0,0.0,0.2532942790551931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4569314963653276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095974598504438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453776944514615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682567093432318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21618712864519726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516585636718725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4859842806428117,0.1793084764091706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243260922012991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17684098089156436,0.0,0.0,0.2179217335203574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260929512972259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318352327448193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BoudiccaX8,2020/01/31,"Recently Diagnosed, Sudden Clarity. I was literally diagnosed yesterday. After doing research and examining my own behavior and emotions, I've gained sudden clarity. I had previously been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder but I had always disagreed, since I had never really had the mania associated with it. I'm 32 and finally have some answers as to why I am the way I am. Today I woke up, struggling to make myself presentable for work. On the drive to work I was anxious as hell. I started to cry because I feel like I can't perform well at my job. Once I had gotten to work I was okay but an house later I found myself crying. Then I was angry, then I was lashing out at my coworkers for the radio station's choice of songs, completely irrational. I tried to get a grip but was unable. I went to the bathroom, cried for a bit, then went to KFC to grab some lunch. I felt 'ok' for a little while, but then started crying again. I filed something with the court and felt better. Then I was happy and laughing and trading jokes. Now I'm just tired from the roller coaster I've been riding all day. This has been a near daily occurrence for as long as I can remember. Some days are better than others. I just wanted to get this off my chest with people that, I hope, understand. Thank you for letting me vent.",2.997315546772068,5.306990304347828,4.658799407114625,80.4371846179183,76.78656126482213,7.5368247694334665,26.35194334650857,8.472884824447931,2.1402544137022392,1029,40,186,21,24,346,149,253,0.17,0.695,0.135,-0.9111,1,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,0,7,5,13,1,1,12,2,24,7,1,1,2,33,43,20,0,2,6,0,5,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,5,11,1,0,8,4,1,4,2,2,1,0,22,6,32,11,35,20,6,36,1,0,0,0,1,8,1,4,24,135,37,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923662143944306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540563128892346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766846895987018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963522736652244,0.12119023453323972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638809470663455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.487741256224235,0.1431798847774758,0.0,0.0,0.3380074672317024,0.0,0.0,0.12722294749004806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486725496865443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05612816942083413,0.07930299181346605,0.2131670974645924,0.12160208137568762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171278409423833,0.0,0.0,0.11599252106397935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816837319067468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025439877067468,0.0,0.12808647751449825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015671992180093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351156129712575,0.0,0.05423211816227228,0.11125757168288583,0.0,0.09823716770238633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740976316180084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561497627972194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821818937649001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695785829881277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111354005558494,0.0,0.10960542459599723,0.0,0.12574860778912395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182563826284224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545814727925198,0.0,0.0,0.15714179752693785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604798765604482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219977568363567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275855230339002,0.10522108420990103,0.0,0.0,0.07536605654730437,0.0,0.0,0.1155615735690684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547444871057921,0.08811171059007218,0.0,0.0,0.09980808175273448,0.20580808329384145,0.10016600686760906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24244193611512116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,NumbPeach,2020/01/31,"It kind of hurts to know that nobody will love me as much as I love them I know there are people here who will relate. I struggle and I am far from perfect, but I am a compassionate person, and even though I make mistakes, my intentions are good 99-100% of the time, and I have a big heart. I have so much love to give and I try to give it, because it makes me feel alive. It makes me feel less empty inside. And I think this is one of the *many * reasons I struggle finding romantic relationships: it’s always so one-sided. And I don’t think it’s anyone’s fault; it’s just the way it is. I love with an intensity that a lot of people can’t match, simply because their emotions aren’t as intense as ours. I don’t think I’m a saint by any means, and I know this is not healthy, so if anyone has any pearls of wisdom for me I would be forever grateful ❤️",3.156147540983607,3.4329361584699463,4.672254098360657,88.72674180327873,72.66120218579235,7.411475409836067,25.08606557377049,7.1686216300943375,0.8510295081967216,659,18,153,6,12,222,102,183,0.094,0.679,0.228,0.9835,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,2,1,8,14,0,2,8,0,18,5,1,5,1,31,37,17,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,13,8,0,0,11,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,0,2,24,9,16,33,4,4,1,1,0,4,13,2,0,2,1,102,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731166832397822,0.0,0.0,0.17540526111288784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803547828184732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723533425336214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507158854103505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518211664717418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042014420553733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787437261323745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24743562445728096,0.0,0.10817220015414984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15282764529092024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806286109174154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430027695206154,0.21263224253730587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096439417240759,0.4655944513999377,0.0,0.25826133028994724,0.1307532620465409,0.0,0.1404839090950306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18961256943224544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478404537298145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882028009548634,0.11260984205544568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260053529178115,0.0,0.1384633166396183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696506128925318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479123704018452,0.1267103590408434,0.0,0.07520225054158983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756077442509301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236875814702998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916151335575062,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ellaravencroft,2020/01/31,"Have animals helped you deal with the chronic emptiness ? Many people here say pets are great. So I wonder , did they help you with the chronic emptiness ? Also I'm male , and I've read the guys respond differently to animals(maternal instinct), so if you're a guy please mention that.",5.816764705882353,7.934435333333332,6.041323529411766,74.45845588235295,68.21568627450979,7.452941176470588,32.357843137254896,8.07648339933343,2.501701960784314,226,10,38,3,4,72,41,51,0.10300000000000001,0.7290000000000001,0.168,0.5661,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,1,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,5,5,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,3,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,12,0,0,2,0,21,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204777581121666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26399498532172794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675366815606885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823160036425752,0.0,0.5070953907719139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432741230723102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596128797557085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17752539075387366,0.0,0.0,0.28108589730103384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561374132590366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036356449290408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776949503915129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Shikidixi,2020/01/31,"DAE constantly 'restart' This isn't really a DAE bc this is like. A symptom everyone on planet earth has I think 😂 small cw for suicide mention. Tl:dr at the end DAE feel like they're constantly trying and failing to 'restart' their life. When school started up I said to myself 'this semester will be different!' And like every semester before it... nothing has changed. I try, life punches me in the guts, I am forced to recover for several weeks, I restart. I know the whole idea is you never fail as long as you don't give up but... man. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of every time I get my motivation to try back I suddenly have a 900 dollar car repair to make or my boyfriend's lifelong hard drive malfunctions and he gets uber suicidal or I get a flu so awful I bleed out of my ears. I understand life never stops ""coming at you"" but christ. Seriously? I feel like I'm never gunna get fucking anywhere because everytime I try to leave square one life utterly squashes me. This semester I took it easy as possible. I'm taking a super easy class, and a class I've taken before so I can overwrite the bad grade I got. And within 2 weeks of starting I'm having the worst depressive episode of my life, my boyfriend is undergoing extremely anxiety inducing family circumstances, my apartment building burned down, I got cut half a paycheck bc I had to move all my shit to a new place, AND I don't have money for food leaving me to starve myself. Like are you FUCKING kidding me? Adulting is shit, complete and horrid shit. I haven't had a break since I graduated high school I swear to god. 4 years of this bullshit holding me back. I'm so tired of it. I have no hobbies, all I do is work and sleep and occasionally I get to go to school. But mostly! I just give up halfway through the semester like the piece of shit failure I am because life just gets too much in the way. Wow I really got riled up there... just all came pouring out of me I guess. Thanks for listening if you read all that. TL;DR - any other adults in here taking the piss? How the hell do you deal with it and still function enough to achieve literally anything?",1.743283974326577,4.2339438883610505,3.3190812149391,87.22062616869663,82.80047505938242,6.623358770910194,25.346995502097336,7.8428983058341695,1.6482433011573252,1671,69,331,32,47,550,222,421,0.213,0.685,0.102,-0.9951,1,0,0,1,0,1,51.0,0,6,1,6,14,24,9,0,19,1,25,23,8,4,7,45,63,24,2,1,9,0,3,6,0,1,12,3,0,4,12,15,1,2,8,1,2,7,8,15,0,2,9,7,51,9,45,52,10,47,2,3,1,2,18,18,8,5,26,198,63,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05121072562528277,0.0,0.057608955056142025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06197049807951481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158114743648867,0.06287744215339311,0.09181179070639547,0.0,0.12815987724771205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613010866922917,0.0,0.0,0.07966386120801773,0.06486953109946561,0.07895700579732882,0.16275826719985745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763727524800232,0.06486102759093576,0.0,0.0,0.07867883914518731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669884640358202,0.07781132470110083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689726262796958,0.0719581990744157,0.0,0.0,0.07099188245039963,0.0,0.07615404667504416,0.10759737583374028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106042662690224,0.0,0.0,0.1392385391042858,0.2360659528239533,0.14448093282501087,0.04279818810599738,0.0,0.1806874858472991,0.0,0.08295815157099128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745946774251951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956502189146238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501141275652754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041386259312022736,0.0,0.0,0.15947655838241162,0.0,0.0,0.3191455234926396,0.2207445192190708,0.0,0.0,0.06664352259860759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05026740186767507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003845915879139,0.05535864321680911,0.0,0.17424210428467907,0.0727310939230081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225822729142951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05102935758302103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867883914518731,0.0,0.0,0.08489630495771322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753264719413837,0.0,0.09648602305227573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163333940578909,0.0,0.0,0.22864135968018426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507445011154374,0.3092024893244876,0.06229397835695785,0.0,0.07536047820289332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660408050850093,0.0,0.06013954318107757,0.06295926576767649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16474528623135326,0.0,0.0,0.07827186485983663,0.11324162001901596,0.0,0.0,0.06933173278141602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04825310369526329,0.0,0.0,0.04391158844899853,0.2596598279377618,0.0,0.0,0.08366784024140878,0.2045115758180072,0.0,0.0,0.07839629866989523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597744714475192,0.12081201089135607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407656354701394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054823732626627056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048494654912521216 bpd,angryunstabledude,2020/01/31,"Lack of empathy I used to be super empathetic but ive been pushing it down for years because my heightened empathy when i was younger was dismissed and disapproved by my parents. ive found myself unintentionally looking down on others for having what i call ""immediate feelings"" because ive been conditioned to believe that those kinds of feelings are wrong and make you a bad person, and more extreme and dangerous feelings were the only ones that ever got me my needs met and feel like they are validated. and its made me into a huge asshole lol. like ive had my fair share of HORRIBLE opinions because i cant access basic empathy. and i feel like shit. and i want to know if anyone else is like this. like ive totally completely turned off my empathy/social awareness and its put me into tons of avoidable messes. and i really cant stop because in my head i think the bigger mess it is the more valid it is because of conditioning in my childhood. i just figured this out with my therapist. i really am a shitty person because of it and im just starting to realize. and i feel stuck",5.1052857142857135,6.473200861904764,6.446190476190478,73.78214285714286,68.95238095238095,9.219047619047616,33.52380952380953,9.558583805096642,3.3974666666666664,871,41,151,19,15,295,121,210,0.154,0.682,0.16399999999999998,-0.5288,1,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,1,1,5,15,2,1,6,1,21,2,2,3,2,42,41,15,0,4,4,1,6,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,13,16,0,2,11,0,0,2,2,7,0,1,11,7,30,8,23,29,5,19,0,0,1,0,8,11,1,2,11,112,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890392812947515,0.13047516041668114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632381086400933,0.4657526993387414,0.0,0.0,0.14346888372243444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002865857192838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351385589610293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637646006127477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518656937217125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863224160162209,0.18194383622828356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962203915470828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184565090849976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068786012241268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137549349018952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260530106965165,0.06998288506592645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110601315155517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693375977947757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049244744265157,0.0850006225724851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442120060806168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862890661317437,0.09684801753399587,0.0,0.0,0.14139630600890973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22237723328744152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801214829095714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315488217545124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307129626608212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013210227020832,0.0,0.0,0.1064621720662359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785187436771174,0.0,0.08159450663372354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850965283979708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998111233275884,0.0,0.0,0.07510859364143145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392266008231625,0.0,0.08200296227469966 bpd,Oirishi,2020/01/31,"How did antidepressants modify your behavior and cognition? Hello, I'd like to know : 1) if you've been on antidepressants, what kind 2) how did it modify your behavior and cognition (thoughts, side-effects, how you act, react, etc.) My official diagnosis is ADHD and bulimia (18 years of eating disorders). One social worker made me realize I'm dealing with C-PTSD. Over the last ten years, I have been diagnosed with social phobia, generalized anxiety disorder, dysthymia, BPD with narcissist tendencies, borderline structure, anxious-depressive tendencies, depression, anxiety, OCD, etc. (long list of diagnosis which seems to change) The diagnosis of BPD happened after a suicide attempt while on antidepressants back then. I noticed I act ""crazy"" on them : the anger is terrible and the mood swings are intense, the suicidal thoughts are escalating, I act on impulses and I take risky decisions. One minute, I'm laughing, the other I'm crying, then I'm angry, without any external triggers... (antidepressants tested : Zoloft, Effexor, Escitalopram, Trintellix) Anti-psychotics makes me go YOLO and I spend a lot of money while being super zen about it (anti-psychotics tested : Seroquel, Abilify, Rexulti. Without antidepressants, I am neutral -- not happy, not sad, just fine. Everything is much easier, I tend to reflect before I act, but I only turn crazy when my C-PTSD is triggered (loss of energy, hopelessness, guiltiness, reliving memories, depressive state, etc.). I got back on antidepressants because of a recent rape. Vyvanse is the only thing making me productive due to my ADHD (which is believed to be a symptom of BPD for my previous therapist, but officially diagnosed nevertheless by a psychiatrist), but right now the Trintellix is overriding it and I'm totally out of focus, out of control, moody, puking everyday (bulimia in remission for a long while and coming back strongly for 3 weeks straight) and putting on weight even so, skin is so itchy, hurtful and watery eyes, headaches, etc. I feel like I'm turning crazy, I can't control my thoughts and my apartment is a mess, and I can't find the energy/focus/control to do something about it. I'm going outside for a walk, I'm happy, I come back inside, my mood crashed and I'm crying, and I DON'T GET IT. I called my pharmacist, they're going to check with my doctor, but I want to know if it's something normal with BPD or if meds trigger in me some kind of ""BPD-like"" symptoms. I've been trying for so long to remove the diagnosis, and now I realize I do act like I am borderline on the meds... Thanks! Tldr; I think my antidepressants make me act out of character and I do believe I got the diagnosis of BPD due to it. I wonder how BPD patients actually act on antidepressants because I can't find information online, and I wonder why it triggers on me that kind of reaction. I'm normally very calm, neutral and collected.",6.9604427736006675,8.473705539961017,7.860788638262324,64.81063157894737,64.75048732943469,11.710810359231413,37.85402394876079,11.491704259439757,5.169514441659705,2294,119,352,75,35,771,251,513,0.154,0.765,0.081,-0.9896,0,0,2,0,0,2,120.0,0,3,1,7,18,27,2,0,20,0,28,11,2,15,1,80,67,39,2,6,13,0,3,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,14,28,2,2,17,0,3,15,8,11,0,3,11,4,47,14,54,54,8,58,1,6,1,1,10,18,0,9,27,223,61,4,0.0,0.0,0.058393263144698115,0.0,0.1438273123744996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04069189672682516,0.0,0.0915518232191384,0.06759991575517267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404693536741146,0.0,0.07295338740299097,0.0,0.05091773672224443,0.13483388591418718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5275471260568334,0.0,0.061101295488509615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330067722251477,0.10309028930899676,0.0,0.0,0.20134023910741575,0.0,0.0,0.13145848193657866,0.0,0.061690357790675526,0.15461516337251913,0.12146863515158347,0.0,0.0,0.13715908040266178,0.061246735769332386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612292197871832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669407812951232,0.03952243931096668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05377854235974451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03025589429551858,0.04274828419285631,0.0,0.0,0.10938170877395062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031262888961062406,0.0,0.10202195512211316,0.0,0.09571584108802443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052914552016431735,0.12739734237629846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405782414632913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186936228666488,0.06577080755141658,0.048775962218319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693531084095694,0.0,0.0,0.15886425974145169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05087213376669141,0.0,0.05662016909337391,0.11982700306722853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293307263938609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043987820231225605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725708419464036,0.0,0.06812596763028393,0.0,0.0,0.08109556439400907,0.0910190015310758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989485619347758,0.06015372445388969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590828130511056,0.0,0.0,0.05110133107154812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054474274260120886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199462521950802,0.0,0.09213244249552016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309061352227317,0.0,0.0,0.12438920177768527,0.044990734369883566,0.0,0.0,0.055090797402026485,0.0,0.06947653819926337,0.039753713010823186,0.038341778764936184,0.0,0.14251408088281256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040626078917138334,0.1301731375086632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04937262255946639,0.035294006907506906,0.0,0.04799843988271933,0.07286657213417767,0.0,0.0,0.053994494156184604,0.0,0.0,0.11536340694424785,0.12978353225489364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706742934839803 bpd,ashyjay,2020/01/31,"Finally had BPD diagnosed. Took 6 weeks, but finally had my appointment with the AMHT, after 2 hours of crying, venting, and being petrified, but the therapist agreed with me, that do have BPD, but referred to complex needs which is renowned for being trash and more damaging than helpful, and going to have to rely on my works bupa cover for DBT and/or CBT. &#x200B; It's a start, and at least now i know what's up with my noodle.",8.464146341463415,7.279195048780494,8.234268292682929,72.53969512195124,61.92682926829268,11.614634146341464,36.35365853658536,10.686352973137794,3.8280878048780482,342,13,61,7,4,110,63,82,0.151,0.7759999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.8420000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,0,14,13,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,5,0,14,8,2,12,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,7,44,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21952969848715928,0.2461953993947012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5103647011670001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225594448103442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20564661635335987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4439024400480574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514890154392475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580635546635805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19953171710482376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135009470467827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023401250080928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340960813868933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352478066258607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22510906009595152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625228889713546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475037348510858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461953993947012,0.0 bpd,NuScorpi,2020/01/31,"Can't move on It has been months, I still daydream/fantasize. Is this due to BPD or am I fucking insane? I can't move on at all, if anything it slowly builds up... I wanna kill myself.",0.3526923076923083,2.2717606153846184,2.735576923076924,92.81567307692309,83.87179487179488,4.925641025641027,20.006410256410245,5.985473137389443,-0.01762051282051269,140,4,31,1,4,48,31,39,0.204,0.7959999999999999,0.0,-0.8268,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,4,7,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,6,6,1,9,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,2,3,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584828191311837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956060387542202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903863228047911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475122137453862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507167467944824,0.6676908271976401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508457918598706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Gabi1322,2020/01/31,"Can people with BPD only fear abandonment from their FP? Hi, so I’ve been wondering if people with BPD only can fear abandonment from their FP or do they need to fear it in nearly all relationships?",7.777631578947368,7.244505184210527,7.967368421052632,71.78157894736844,62.94736842105264,11.810526315789476,29.52631578947368,11.20814326018867,3.2083789473684217,159,4,29,4,2,52,27,38,0.344,0.6559999999999999,0.0,-0.9498,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,3,0,1,5,0,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,9,6,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,3,0,7,5,1,2,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,3,0,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5052430133727263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.677119482045334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872636178289966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30509786363567754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27811165161126833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21534616575734944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175187475141713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,friendlyghostofworld,2020/01/31,"This weird feeling keeps coming no matter what I'm in a relationship with this girl, she is great. She's the first girlfriend that really understood my fear of abandonment and anxiety disorder when I'm in a relationship. She always tells me to talk with her if something that she does or say is triggering me. Why stay sad if we can resolve it through communication? She also showed her affection and love towards me numerous times. But with all of this I have this voice, this feeling in the back of my head that keeps telling me that she is going to leave, she really is not that supportive, always analyzing her words, her sayings. I'm really trying to not go with this feeling but it's messing me with me all the time and I can enjoy these moments. Sometimes I feel just tired of always "" working"" to be normal. Have you ever been in this situation? Any tip will be appreciated, thanks friends",5.566459566074954,7.009408757396454,6.240961538461541,75.40195512820516,67.93491124260355,9.657001972386588,31.243096646942806,9.928628108626363,3.1557688362919127,716,29,129,17,12,234,99,169,0.102,0.732,0.166,0.9329,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,1,1,0,3,5,12,0,1,5,0,12,3,1,2,3,35,28,10,0,3,8,0,4,0,2,1,1,3,0,1,16,10,0,3,6,1,0,3,3,5,0,1,2,7,24,7,19,23,2,16,0,2,0,1,24,5,0,3,7,95,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926025013735367,0.34105285173225186,0.0,0.0,0.09291077948576268,0.0,0.10451898219118176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505742913477446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176917262104113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658593109228078,0.0,0.11956286655483893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358659018033302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374291997998168,0.27633007543561583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621452411949418,0.0,0.0,0.10555737946877733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552961013129389,0.0,0.0,0.150631319145425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021831797340956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428800160119921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466785197924822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331084919959633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338650685895631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625795134264524,0.0,0.0,0.29337169472679353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21730192709532206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357403334273206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518183885175034,0.13512721018297,0.0,0.0,0.1456257868209384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504225719463613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981529327355344,0.23883535727130406,0.12578742552789982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593361492710518,0.15703218886452594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276049934416343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328426403096243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946579882367823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BitchImGhastly,2020/01/31,"DAE just all of a sudden, for a period of time, have no feelings for their S/O then goes back to feeling normal later? I'm so in love with my boyfriend. I love him more than anything in my life. But then today for some reason, I started feeling like I don't love him at all. It's like I've been lying to myself this whole time that I love him. And after a few frustrating hours, I go back to feeling the same. I know damn well that I love him. It's so so fucking frustrating to feel like I've been lying to him or that I'm making a mistake of being with him or loving him. I'm just so angry at myself for being like this.",2.783717320261438,3.036863727941181,4.61950980392157,88.85751633986929,73.48529411764707,6.9267973856209135,23.199346405228766,6.42735559955562,0.4826071895424837,481,11,110,3,9,165,72,136,0.15,0.584,0.266,0.9568,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,9,16,4,0,5,0,6,8,0,2,2,22,25,10,0,2,5,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,7,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,2,5,19,11,20,21,7,18,0,0,0,7,14,4,2,3,17,80,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111904348930048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076610751135116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34137876435624986,0.1929324090515298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483402394364725,0.0,0.0,0.07674125386746962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329783780100792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420953019372804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537641943453792,0.26387738887898354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7312247328582009,0.0,0.09013427013385177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230175291930496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138834402205679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557566765851744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747537482392734,0.0,0.12799364056390464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140912476959853,0.0,0.0,0.15075733793883886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,graceis0bel,2020/01/31,Borderline personality disorder does anyone else with bpd watch tv / Netflix shows and relate with them too clearly and when it gets too stressful you drink for the characters or is it just me ??,17.319117647058825,10.48005855882353,14.675882352941176,50.401470588235334,51.647058823529406,18.30588235294118,54.58823529411765,14.554592549557764,7.352152941176473,157,7,25,4,1,49,30,34,0.155,0.779,0.066,-0.5661,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304097711971416,0.33763470932564604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41502201259145816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776612964757358,0.0,0.2883673320998749,0.0,0.0,0.3228065678355581,0.0,0.0,0.27527373836658503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216188883667474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877263085244212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774668734139192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cripplingawkwardness,2020/01/31,"Thinking of seeking diagnosis (NOT ASKING FOR ONE HERE) I know it’s against the rules to seek diagnosis here so I’m not going to list symptoms or ask about it, I’m looking for advice regarding getting diagnosed. I’ve had mental health struggles for a while, and for a while have been told it’s general anxiety and depression. However, I’ve always felt there was something more. After reading the symptoms of “quiet” bpd recently, I had never felt more of an accurate description of myself. I received testing recently to clarify depression and anxiety. My tester told me he thinks it’s sub chronic depression that will go away when I’m older (I’m 22). He said this after listing my symptoms the test found, all of which are under that “quiet” bpd umbrella. I’m wondering if I should see a specialist in the topic, since it’s not well-known. I just feel like I’ve been receiving the wrong treatment for so long and this glimmer of hope has been crushed. Has anyone else here, especially with quiet bpd, struggled to get a diagnosis? Or is it so obvious that I should just accept the diagnosis I’ve been given. All advice welcome.",5.2347169811320775,6.983295632075473,6.386933962264153,72.87115566037741,69.09433962264151,9.828301886792454,34.00471698113208,10.125756701596842,3.893749056603774,902,44,151,24,16,302,121,212,0.12,0.828,0.052000000000000005,-0.9231,1,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,0,11,10,0,2,11,0,15,6,0,0,4,30,41,13,0,4,8,0,3,1,0,3,6,4,0,0,12,5,0,0,9,1,0,4,4,6,0,1,14,9,10,4,23,24,4,17,0,3,2,0,10,3,0,5,11,99,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185175343671519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093034305743633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106763768370264,0.0,0.0,0.07817967174083687,0.11456185476095533,0.0,0.0,0.20905323007123053,0.0,0.10504853063206797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4224597490944975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889035938138198,0.11348409970114688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340233442599596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05653414843255908,0.07987659595155704,0.21470895012884167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259314125376702,0.0,0.0,0.11683150315719472,0.0,0.12708761909152413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884807188062367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110518766202664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061447474669287926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054624382901394486,0.0,0.0,0.0989477240713184,0.0938916634996003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267749024254375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862342354470447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576488451957822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183957075338737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22079641673913988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063562612757089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909754691086089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924898195867235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607627209134316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337747418860725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486380634474649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14328578694078167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21367718118889012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053000065388963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125243109549635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224593226348272,0.0,0.0 bpd,QuestForGG,2020/01/31,"I feel like a failure. I do not feel like trying anymore. I do not even want things i wanted in the past and felt like crap for not having what it takes to get them. I do not even want to want them again. What good is wanting if failure is all that awaits? Why am i even writing this. I feel like this for more than a month now. I have this feeling that my body has outlived my soul.",0.5820731707317073,2.394049097560977,1.6465243902439042,101.51417682926832,82.41463414634147,4.1000000000000005,18.78658536585366,3.1291,-0.9252243902439026,294,7,72,0,8,92,50,82,0.147,0.6729999999999999,0.18,0.4514,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,5,6,1,0,3,0,9,2,2,0,1,18,21,2,0,6,5,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,5,12,5,6,20,2,5,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,8,52,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244929619149826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19314938805099646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445524044074836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516902063322101,0.3726749755260185,0.16695890241953382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908488422277898,0.0,0.0,0.14584826455822486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398098499047557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387950386060691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599492986654174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307414722155944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552287460660765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805793887038815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5128156372752658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690607758208394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rainbowshabmagic,2020/01/31,I need to stop obsessing over people I like. How do you handle it? Hello. I wasnt really born beautiful or anything thats why every guy I like that pays attention with me makes me feel very intensely hyper and focused on them. My friends always tell me to love myself but I dont know what that really means. What do you do in these situations? It is very unhealthy and I want to stop doing it as it ruins the friendship too.,2.2920930232558128,4.350961639534886,4.24436046511628,83.77956395348839,77.95348837209302,7.555813953488372,22.377906976744185,8.472884824447931,1.496004651162791,335,10,66,7,8,114,61,86,0.18,0.6579999999999999,0.162,-0.5787,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,1,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,7,1,0,2,0,15,14,6,0,2,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,2,4,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,14,4,8,13,0,6,0,1,0,1,8,3,0,1,5,46,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18436086439983204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823301402336188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596739879556157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18667911673497065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120305503418915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711815305792199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21938541626246674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176701330403596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21649215025604027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999721858314409,0.0,0.1478971884323545,0.0,0.0,0.24135059420411706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642885625505998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360613587281982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838820190073795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24904974163941815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704786023083713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936586632781544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656307113671256,0.13068551135849832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999290728830108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,prettyfishyngl,2020/01/31,"DAE say things like ‘I’m fine’ and then get pissed off or annoyed when people don’t pry further? I’m mostly high functioning, but i catch myself doing this a lot. Anyone else?",0.6408571428571435,3.155854228571428,1.9742857142857169,93.37571428571432,92.42857142857142,3.9428571428571435,15.571428571428573,5.6839178017228535,-0.5625999999999998,138,3,27,1,5,44,32,35,0.142,0.8059999999999999,0.052000000000000005,-0.4606,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,5,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,3,3,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28214363768410305,0.4134437728165858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370809037226015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108173682677056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4263305653525436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19713464836663408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430498496864478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27974309042090445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208874200495787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680741746627945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lilmisscalvinklein,2020/01/31,"DAE get extremely triggered by losing ANYTHING? So I just went to the gym for a workout and came out feeling super great, I'm on my way back and TEN minutes after leaving I realise I left my watch in my locker where I took it off to shower. I rang them to ask if they could check the locker I used with high hopes, seeing as the gym was near empty and as I said it was only ten minutes after I left after losing the watch. Anyway they checked apparently all of the lockers with no luck - and here I am an hour afterwards still freaking the fuck out. I'm convinced they found the watch and have kept it / are lying to me. The watch wasn't even that expensive, but I wear it EVERYDAY without fail and I feel very uncomfortable knowing I don't have it on me. Back to my point - this happens with anything I lose. I regret going to the gym now, and all I can think about how much of a waste it is that I've just lost one of my possessions. Maybe it's because I'm attached to the watch, but everytime I lose something I go through a cycle of being so fucking frustrated and angry at myself for being so careless, and even going out (in this case to the gym) in the first place resulting in me losing said possession. Sorry for the rant - I'm still trying to calm myself down but everyone around me thinks I'm over reacting which is even worse and I need to hear it's not just me that loses their shit over this kind of thing lol. I've even had to pop a diazepam to try and calm myself down but it's not working.",3.909726574500767,4.614199232258066,4.9361751152073765,85.96521505376347,71.19354838709677,7.5821812596006115,26.69738863287251,7.62386473244151,1.3472227342549932,1182,37,247,13,21,388,162,310,0.205,0.72,0.075,-0.9928,2,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,5,11,21,23,4,0,18,1,15,4,2,5,2,49,46,22,0,5,11,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,17,19,0,1,6,5,3,6,6,15,0,4,12,12,36,8,49,31,3,42,0,9,6,2,9,23,3,3,12,180,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571163347714695,0.08422279409010253,0.08844740594805098,0.0,0.0,0.145498216148067,0.0,0.05767326528911895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820842439608523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553823907093159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24995556295838656,0.0,0.0,0.0904037329631764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567513067630047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047506058896102,0.0,0.1037347791968978,0.0,0.17493049950220513,0.04942972363423658,0.0,0.16130681500968894,0.0,0.0,0.10430765540423367,0.0,0.0,0.08366314724334334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066321379097864,0.0,0.0,0.09996046433633538,0.0,0.09396889404080334,0.09317161040485708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852156371642998,0.05199508024540229,0.0,0.0,0.1001781338564373,0.20558768236307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6350650986100851,0.10327778954904544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095048275923309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954910021303652,0.07015197927119643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411005938943913,0.07195502784065709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988471203480016,0.0,0.0894368560824641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999119961866897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539177364459118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711561585752264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283525805904909,0.0,0.10590794244320227,0.0,0.0,0.15111104147136972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285455736375327,0.12124429897418094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051149859791213,0.12846770851650624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171250379051084,0.0,0.07806300598935319,0.0,0.07509686768519809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770424666686281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120048581979093,0.0,0.06887707235830957,0.0,0.09641548456476927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jamie030398,2020/01/31,"I had a very rocky fallout with my FP She told me that shes happier without me, she lied to me a lot and said horrible stuff to me. Regardless of that she is my FP. She decided to ghost me and then block me. From my view for nothing I haven't said a thing to her once she moved out. I had a self harm session an hour ago. And I just want to stop existing now. I'm miserable and all of my friends are ignoring me atm. Please someone help me.",0.0021875000000015628,1.8804115104166683,2.289416666666664,95.74725,84.9375,6.756666666666668,23.141666666666666,7.908726449838941,1.0361616666666666,339,13,84,7,10,115,62,96,0.18899999999999997,0.6709999999999999,0.14,-0.7443,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,5,0,6,0,0,0,1,16,11,5,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,4,6,0,3,1,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,5,3,23,1,12,6,2,7,0,1,1,0,13,1,0,1,5,58,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20520014732800984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17884705676092638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516152874385902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22796905308707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968028219225654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460351123274861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22211898198791286,0.0,0.0,0.24652716807011704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541043125722623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44039620183418793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24149247261632095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19613903359669493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19353433571821704,0.0,0.0,0.2649983802287397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379034302572042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22119670691102805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910018457252662,0.1365376217205135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231461740660721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,zmrly,2020/01/31,"My FP thinks that all I do is offload him and make him my personal rubbish dump. I’m going through a hard time atm, to be short I’m homeless living in an abandoned house and sick, trying to do my best out of It and looking for a job etc etc, and trying to keep my bpd under control without therapy but still on meds, I haven’t self harmed and been suicidal for nearly a month now. My only friend lives overseas and can’t help much but like in a mental level I feel better having someone to talk to, but that friend said I only have negative news and that I use him as an emotional rubbish damp meanwhile I just want to talk about it, takes things out of my chest but for him now it’s just too much to handle How can I possibly explain to him that’s not how it is or how I can tell him to walk out of my life if that’s hurting him because atm idk where I stand",4.212168972332016,4.0004967880434785,5.234723320158103,87.32529644268776,70.25,7.995256916996047,28.140316205533594,7.348242739294969,1.3495173913043472,675,21,151,6,11,223,107,184,0.139,0.735,0.126,-0.3716,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,11,9,1,0,6,0,12,3,1,6,1,34,25,17,1,2,10,0,2,1,2,0,2,1,0,2,10,10,0,3,3,0,2,2,5,4,0,0,2,4,23,5,27,22,6,19,0,2,1,0,17,11,0,2,6,109,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705081044013828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498619519636854,0.12629681753593494,0.0,0.0,0.17985419576371595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016465318870346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606330970618373,0.0,0.0,0.3185240902235538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220501234485698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206570349063484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115770167059899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792259673108902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571721079515162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647744044670493,0.15287255891674165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170901000149494,0.1269290324393304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008653182582326,0.06976587338943396,0.0,0.2521936707740583,0.0,0.11991776492671792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095321484041078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862089643121766,0.0,0.14391088925051834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398324201828383,0.0,0.2099518904843236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217214803336397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124689250810085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16098786644027993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583746056644685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897369273163738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099572217365903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140419097184174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562022761160769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736937731378814,0.22955777344094425,0.12481529484604292,0.0,0.16330660112979875,0.0,0.0948713434368902,0.0915017940638446,0.0,0.0,0.08326902967012631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939064501669412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333513010574858,0.0,0.0,0.08422835496333242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765609010254845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Chocolatemilshaket,2020/01/31,"DAE have a special song that makes you feel understood? For me is When I'm Gone by Eminem. It describes perfectly how I feel. How it feels to have a favorite person. To lose her and know that it's all your fault, feeling guilty to the point that you want to commit suicide. I relate a lot to Eminem songs in general, which may be a weird thing for a young girl to say, maybe because he raps about very polarized feelings, like extremely hating his mother or his exwife, and loving his daughter to the point that disappointing her made him want to kill himself at several points of his life. Other song that I relate a lot to is Calm me Down by Mother Mother.",6.77033222591362,6.295409643410852,6.690166112956812,79.92069767441866,64.96899224806202,9.541971207087485,30.831672203765226,8.841846274778883,2.304706755260244,520,16,101,7,7,165,85,129,0.171,0.662,0.16699999999999998,-0.5760000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,3,0,2,4,11,2,0,8,0,6,2,0,4,3,23,21,6,2,2,1,4,5,1,0,1,1,4,0,2,11,2,0,0,7,4,0,1,0,6,0,0,3,9,16,5,18,16,3,9,0,2,0,1,20,6,0,4,3,68,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735394101872067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4452280568861676,0.1258117530455688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387041503900216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19483766132770733,0.0,0.09678447630711284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439044935227822,0.08603758447624317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970200600383953,0.0,0.2994418349743114,0.15894455120911768,0.16663786315344825,0.11755360948189875,0.0,0.17692438526325516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377091160270506,0.0,0.0,0.4994375951133182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004833112103593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989521700689052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19263381756435954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699848118811525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530773138496395,0.20774639098978834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gillmot,2020/01/31,"anybody fooled your therapist into believing you have another disorder than you actually have? Hey, I hope anybody could give me some advice on this.. I managed to get a diagnosis of autism even though I know I don't have it. And now everything I say is put onto autism and nobody even considers bpd because there's so much overlap. I hate every therapy session because I feel utterly misunderstood and also like a huge imposter. I know it was stupid to do this and I wasn't doing it on purpose, I just didn't want to admit/deal with my real issues and blamed it on something else. I didn't know they would actually diagnose me with something I don't have. The reason I believe not to have autism is that I know another person with asperger's and we are nothing alike. With my friend who has bpd on the other hand, I have so many tings in common. I constantly fear to be abandoned, but at the same time drive people away. My moods are very unstable and any tiny thing, if its just a wrong look, can spiral me down the suicide lane. I'm splitting on my best friend often, I have no idea why he's even still around, everyone before him just left, or I left them before they could leave me. Has anybody been in a similar situation before? Or advice on how to proceed with my therapist without looking like a huge liar?",5.262053101396198,6.127525509727629,6.1463492790112175,77.92249485008013,68.22178988326849,9.315541313801788,31.070954451819638,9.478462496947786,2.8218145571068893,1044,41,195,21,17,345,152,257,0.152,0.7509999999999999,0.09699999999999999,-0.9147,0,0,2,0,0,1,25.0,1,3,3,1,16,14,3,1,9,0,27,2,1,2,0,42,40,16,1,6,9,0,2,2,2,1,1,1,0,1,11,15,0,1,7,0,0,2,8,7,0,0,5,5,35,6,28,31,4,27,0,1,2,0,16,19,0,6,8,142,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.196710599070624,0.0,0.0,0.19697923705475995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060074211109322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853981907654808,0.21137162434633092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972337282067823,0.0,0.0,0.09469436618693083,0.0,0.0,0.12287979612230887,0.0,0.25729145678500503,0.2271088567826351,0.10577159483456072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538798524154457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089168533630703,0.0,0.1609432614911355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229847889194622,0.0,0.0,0.11551266114006008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419608352093827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997100939793565,0.0,0.08491888481986548,0.09630798793446012,0.09058244663015368,0.0,0.0,0.1134153860084974,0.05096182994210115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557383057386399,0.0,0.052657971870573216,0.0966857711438888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950804296960136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001059891761606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377825208744008,0.0,0.10519728903400746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215634862319316,0.0,0.0,0.10672075356304518,0.21901458472473767,0.0,0.0,0.09848060293802408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692743632268779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218399228710394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409134207873902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670954209056516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987424189673726,0.08800486543846096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132055083419557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471968452870653,0.0,0.1036276408209097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801512744297926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329079917771626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518423685471947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049004107339375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024655454634294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526074111657066,0.23404705807695705,0.06695957958594334,0.0,0.09902445375563194,0.0,0.05877074169346101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316128983316001,0.059447827270540175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094618728241732,0.0,0.0,0.09715677660707868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159744968725906,0.11019669675500622,0.0,0.0 bpd,Initial-Tea,2020/01/31,"Can BPD mimic symptoms of Bipolar 1? I just started meds for bipolar. But reflecting back, most of my episode have emotional triggers or was spurred on by psychedelic experiences. I also in hindsight was kind of a emotional dickhead lol. I ghost my friends the moment I feel I was insulted etc. etc. The only thing is I had a full blown psychotic episode. Not sure if BPD causes that. A 45min psychiatrist visit cost 125 bucks. My bank accounts almost empty, not going till I fucking have to. Fuck the health care system.",3.054017543859647,6.085627094736843,4.017500000000002,80.35958333333333,83.3157894736842,6.535087719298246,30.021929824561404,7.793537801064563,2.604561403508772,414,21,68,8,12,133,72,95,0.16399999999999998,0.7170000000000001,0.11900000000000001,-0.6841,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,3,0,6,1,8,6,0,2,1,13,14,5,1,1,6,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,4,2,2,3,0,0,4,1,10,4,9,10,4,10,0,0,0,2,3,3,2,4,4,47,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737918678810329,0.0,0.0,0.1387931528552987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345431483231113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4371769321256402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17695252387883492,0.17829043982803322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904556369849311,0.0,0.0,0.3871229803139701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16977166080689746,0.0,0.0,0.08775543335805458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408940108774334,0.3209005659640986,0.0,0.0,0.0986362171982152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18448255330307176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807324945977865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19278226059268969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199761747515198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228442570186637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357504453502594,0.180391764335984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530329524496136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Decerez,2020/01/31,"DAE fuck up good things I had a great boyfriend, and I fucked it up by going to a druggie and getting raped. Why am I like this. Why didbt I stay. He did legit everything clean cook and care for me. Why do I always fuck things up.",0.3875510204081678,2.2995506122449045,1.7177142857142869,100.20228571428574,83.6938775510204,4.736326530612245,17.963265306122448,5.6839178017228535,-0.6523583673469382,176,4,43,1,5,56,36,49,0.248,0.512,0.239,-0.3818,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,2,0,4,5,0,0,0,3,10,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,6,4,6,8,0,5,0,0,0,4,1,3,3,0,1,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269591958629912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116082307884584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18653006540264108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5756222025053577,0.10843486020081447,0.0,0.11795387234641715,0.1740807674604008,0.0,0.2288215510838653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139709176725953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22121772953475136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757703114488766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.561837272882724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Dog_Spritey,2020/01/31,"Baby Borderliner and my new Girlfriend (also FP) broke up with me and I don´t know what to do. Dear reddit people, This is my first ever reddit post and I first of want to apologize for my bad English and if I pick up the wrong flair or something else. I just need some advice and help. Some facts about me: I am a baby Borderliner (M20) and I was diagnosed with it 4months ago. This came out of nowhere for me and I was really shocked. But it also made sense. I don\`t have a good relationship with my parents (it is really complicated) and my grandpa was beating me as a child. Also I came from a really toxic relationship, where my last girlfriend cheated on me multiple times, set me on drugs without my permission and didn´t cared for me at all. I loved her but after we broke up the 5th time I said it was forever. But still, after that I went into a deep hole: I was doing a lot of drugs, cut myself, tried to kill myself one time with an overdose and cried every day. My therapy started this months and it is going pretty okay, but it is also exhausting. Last year I met a girl on the internet and she was a really nice, interesting, funny person but at the time I was still in the relationship and we just chatted....everyday. She was so nice and our conversation was so funny. After we broke up (she was also one of the reason, why my last girlfriend broke up with me), she supported me even if I didn´t told her how I was really feeling about my bad thoughts and things. I told her I´m fine and lied to her everyday, so she thinks I am not a crazy person. However, at one point I noticed she makes me feel good and I ask if we want to hang up. She said sure and we went on a date and were a couple. This was 1 months after my diagnosis, but she still didn´t know about this at the time. We were really really happy. I met her family and they liked me a lot and often asked my girlfriend about me. Someone loved me finally and her family also and I felt important. But I still had my crashes, when I was alone. Somedays I choke up, couldn´t sleep, had the feeling my girlfriend doesn´t loves me at all and cheated on me and often stopped to write. I knew she loved me, but..... I hope you know what I mean, because for me it is all new. I tried to describe my diagnosis to my girlfriend, and she didn´t know what BPD is (she is very childish) and to describe it, it was very hard. But yeah....she went fine with it.....I think. But last week all of the bad things happened. She was very confused and I asked her what´s up. She said, she often played with the thought that she also maybe loves women. She had the though before our relationship, but then she met me and she loved me, but in the last few weeks, the though came often back. I said I don´t have a problem if she is bi (I lied to her. I really had a problem with it. I dont have something against LGBTQ+, but the fact that I am maybe not enough, killed me. But I really loved her and don´t wanted to end the relationship.) Day after day she was even more confused and I went all in and said, that she can try to make out with other women to experiment a little with it. I was aware, maybe she will fell in love with another woman and this would kill me. But she was the most important person in my life and I wanted that she is happy, even if I am not. But then she said after a long passage of compliments and that I am the best and so on: ""I only want you and noone else"". I was overwhelmed with positive feeling and felt so good to be loved. For me this was heaven. This was last saturday. On monday she said to her parents, that she confesses to be bi but still wants to be with me in a relationship. But I noticed something is wrong. And after a long talked she confesses, that she cried the last times to sleep and have the feeling that she only plays with me and she can´t be my girlfriend. I really don´t wanted to break up this beautiful relationship and attempt everything. I suggest a break for a few weeks and i want to support her. But she has the strong feeling that she won´t have any feelings for me ever at all. This was on wednesday. She still wants to be my friend, but I can´t do it. I want to, but I when I look in the future and then maybe she will find a new girlfriend/boyfriend this would really kill me. So I said I want a little space and time for myself and the therapy. She´s okay with it, but wants to inquire every two weeks if I am fine. But i won´t be fine. I really feel alone now. We still write, because there are some things we have to clarify. Like I paid two tickets for her favourite band and wanted to gift her for valentines day. She wants to give me money for it, but at first I dont wanted to accept the money. Now she feels bad for this and I accept the money, so she can go to the concert without a bad conscience. But in the next few days there will be the first day, when we stop our daily chat and this will let me feel alone. This is a really bad moment for all. Last monday I moved to my own apartment and now I come to an empty room everyday. I am still not fine with my parents. I have an injury on my knee and can´t do sport for months and I was doing weekly sport, because it made me feel well. My driver licence is gone for a month, because i was driving too fast (angry driving is not good). And I am not allowed to do any drugs (even alcohol), because of my therapy (is this normal?). I´ve got many friends, but maybe three of them are aware of my situation and one is ill, one is this weekend in vacation and the other one is ghosting me I think. My other friends are ""friends"".....I don´t have much in common with them. They like my and are really happy to see me, but they don´t know we really or really know me as a party animal and I am not allowed to do party. I often thinks I just have those ""friends"", so that I have less enemies and less people that can think of me bad. Yesterday I met up with those ""friends"" and I was just sitting, smiling and nodding all the time, while I was thinking how much I hate my life. What i also noticed: I have the feeling that I don´t have a personality at all. Yeah I like sport and I also play piano and sing, but everything doesn´t make fun or even makes sense for me. I don´t read books, only when my girlfriend did it. I don´t watch series alone, only with me girlfriend . I don´t play videogames alone, only with my girlfriend and so on. I hope you know what I mean. I even write and behave like her I noticed. The last days I just sat in my room and did nothing and just cried. There were no things that would make sense to me. I am only allowed to smoke cigarettes, so I stand on my balcony in the rain and smoked 5 cigarettes one after another and my throat feels like hell. I can\`t sleep and if, then I wake up in the middle of the night with a mind full of bad thoughts, feeling like shit and cut me back to sleep. My whole bed is full of my own blood. My therapist gave me a S.K.I.L.L. -list, but many things (not everything) sounds likes bullshit. I just want to shoot myself with drugs or a bullet. I really don´t know what to do. I am really afraid of the weekend, because of the loneliness and all this shit. For me everything is new (like I said I am a baby Borderliner) and I don´t know how to handle this situation. What really kills me is to be alone. I often think about writing my other Ex-girlfriend, because she ""loves"" me still and maybe comfort me for the time. I also think to write her and give her a hate speech and blame everything for her for example. I don´t know what am I allowed to do and not. I am not even sure, if this is even the right subreddit or if this necessary or if I am overreacting. If so, I am really sorry. But even to write this down gave me now a whole hour to reflect my current situation and helped me for a bit. I am sorry for everything, but maybe someone was in my current situation and can give me some advice.",2.8814033184803023,4.383032362101314,4.092834926125703,87.96893813027675,74.65978736710443,7.223266494684179,23.686684060350213,7.892696355105562,1.0779651696372734,6133,179,1303,89,128,2007,415,1599,0.124,0.718,0.159,0.9952,10,6,12,1,0,5,229.0,13,3,5,8,80,98,14,4,75,3,122,32,10,16,16,312,244,163,6,36,67,4,17,9,15,7,10,12,3,9,70,117,1,2,48,16,4,16,15,36,1,14,72,32,273,62,170,156,34,188,4,5,3,12,161,61,3,34,114,974,343,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04939263626177467,0.02240283996437641,0.027008970571079403,0.0,0.1570501872830939,0.0,0.2021067396263494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034372783687396026,0.05300153413883129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088005671143227,0.0,0.0,0.038866494355016094,0.16881406709756258,0.10784258318738618,0.0,0.02150531790094368,0.0,0.026522277112074017,0.0,0.027591386041049232,0.0,0.03183024615194113,0.0,0.0,0.08671615832751581,0.025767335732397933,0.0,0.0,0.021770306250883446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027963907002093787,0.08328305498660929,0.11409219738688267,0.0,0.0,0.02565139165727434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059239139837985816,0.0,0.11723384229683992,0.0,0.04222441502156496,0.0,0.02238422705044924,0.02611359046102079,0.0,0.1502321997569463,0.04572144539571321,0.04258690055233716,0.0,0.13628154637011825,0.024721678368676524,0.04764995202145525,0.0,0.17890183930455586,0.03610983128736117,0.048531762481096224,0.027685151229833067,0.023098909841220452,0.08598822915924763,0.0,0.0,0.09762863338275647,0.0,0.0,0.07273200765527925,0.028726264742744718,0.08479060692473397,0.020212991810522864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0223486811463529,0.08071019620774189,0.02263949264600652,0.049903377076764815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03387969202108055,0.0,0.0,0.0502032476613633,0.024888647886672013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398032160878336,0.0,0.1388928707407651,0.1854065747729916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02584318216672977,0.0357018961355933,0.11112325860428764,0.050660032503695634,0.0,0.0447313206067343,0.021222813064770845,0.0,0.0,0.042972114605953605,0.22809716855816145,0.0478275278652063,0.08434905529204079,0.051245368174614433,0.17772969072744646,0.05505904427547981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02551835501597921,0.0,0.08069013091926308,0.02686101993035787,0.03715687769086569,0.01873948408798677,0.0,0.09763463134875028,0.026877942672367816,0.023716840032499117,0.024762008624804262,0.024249963127809998,0.11509314321573992,0.0,0.0,0.11987867130800835,0.11532676169189222,0.0,0.0,0.08418746455744099,0.0,0.0,0.035041997985943575,0.08826904546614578,0.0,0.0,0.023890994364645743,0.0,0.024204386213223544,0.025711555055364026,0.0,0.04836537253486657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02527967036555335,0.0,0.32380845601566965,0.025984679635600912,0.0,0.189934938148804,0.0,0.02158285973804713,0.21636224883785496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020139174364792258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05188439604880285,0.0,0.11363088453906628,0.10116433165976928,0.0,0.04282717568823512,0.05836878048011272,0.0,0.056581730774364236,0.017888239986700152,0.0,0.18164624062867107,0.042258437015413264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057358618649555965,0.0476386885881552,0.0,0.0,0.020313344383458887,0.0,0.0,0.08670505500512264,0.029343704901547238,0.08395073024398061,0.1295504779759595,0.04966085663143413,0.060191414859308935,0.13263111989024326,0.0,0.0,0.04829854646891297,0.0,0.051475780254007376,0.0,0.049375767550819856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255819752181391,0.23850513000903276,0.0,0.10136170368863492,0.0,0.022723310374492118,0.09371267080057186,0.022804799201181218,0.05643242693195405,0.0,0.04872421478600679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053859282468797294,0.05526374699640031,0.0,0.01627487467664451 bpd,myLuciferislonelyx,2020/01/31,"Met with my cpn today As a patient I don’t ask for much, last week I reached out to my cpn via text to tell him I was suicidal, when I met him today he told me I’m putting myself and him at risk because he’s worried if he can’t get back to me on time that I would kill my self, I think he totally misunderstood that I was only letting him know so that when I see him next we can maybe discuss it, now I feel like a total dickhead and feel like I’ve been tarnished with the “attention seeking brush” I asked him if he thinks I’m a professional patient and he said he doesn’t but I need to stop reaching out and learn to cope on my own. I don’t even think I reach out much.... feel like shit",2.7479605263157865,2.9481926118421065,4.234052631578948,91.77936842105265,73.53947368421052,7.395789473684211,26.38421052631579,7.1686216300943375,0.9138084210526314,535,17,132,5,10,179,89,152,0.14300000000000002,0.78,0.077,-0.8897,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,0,6,6,2,1,4,0,10,1,1,0,2,27,28,11,2,4,3,0,3,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,10,0,1,9,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,7,6,27,3,15,19,5,18,0,0,1,0,23,6,1,2,14,78,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921809679334442,0.0,0.0,0.12016126750992773,0.0,0.09526017352026374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321424571855924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370430086828587,0.3349159605771576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164413835164683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728885707430451,0.0,0.0858813930778346,0.12738014751442234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979570975860008,0.0,0.22903551975913136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699328296857454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22975149131089825,0.11587153397095623,0.0,0.0,0.16619392683426149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884966809828976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709357531855286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864766908758434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452621510818425,0.0,0.16302271912022062,0.0,0.16040795283114118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064793825700832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093299708346746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658605341983812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003927270475425,0.0,0.0,0.09112175033332892,0.0,0.29624960912798776,0.1493217914016141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534962048225146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869882420918782,0.0,0.1110090624503959,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CapableCry,2020/01/31,"Standing up for myself So, last week my narcissistic sister mentioned in passing that she was looking for typists and my mother volunteered me because she thinks just because somebody learned how to work with MS Word back in the sixth grade they can type a whole fucking Physics textbook in two days. I didn't say no to either of them when they asked. I did tell my sister that I had no experience with Corel Draw when she told me that was part of it but she came home with a massive stack of paper and a flash drive full of files from other books and told me that she had made an excellent deal with her boss and I didn't say anything then because I was in way too deep and the way everyone in the family calls me lazy I didn't want to give them any kind of confirmation. I didn't do much. I was not cut out for that kind of work and I knew it going in but I just can't focus on anything long enough to get it done anymore and I kept procratinating and distracting myself. And everything about it was so hard and I was too rusty with the stuff and as it turned out my laptop couldn't handle that kind of work either. Five days later, I'm self harming out of the guilt that I've made zero progress. Friday morning, I'm considering skipping flea marketing because even though it's the one thing that always makes me feel good and the place is only a flea market on Fridays I don't want to let her down. But then when I'm getting ready for a shower she barges into my room and starts yelling like she always does when things aren't going her way. I don't have a shirt on so the cuts on my upper arm are exposed and I'm just thankful she's too angry to notice them. I've just had it with the yelling. I'm standing my ground this time. I'm not rewarding this kind of behavior like the rest of the family has been doing all these years by doing anything to avoid making her angry. Let her go back to that office empty handed I want her to lose face like this because she needs to understand that people don't fall in love with you when you scream degrading shit at them like that. I'm 20 years old now and she's not my parent and now she quite literally is not my boss anymore, she has no power over me. I'm not like our parents who do anything to avoid confrontation or our older sister who notices everything but enables them anyway or the brother between us who she drove into addiction with her shitty behavior. Unless she somehow turns out to be a cockroach I'm not scared of her. Spent all morning at the flea market and it wasn't half bad, I wrote part of the prologue to the book I've wanted to start writing since 2014 on a bench and even though I lost my eraser and the Kurt Cobain badge on my backpack (it looked like a Starbucks logo with Kurt's face in the middle and it said SEATTLE GRUNGE around it) I came home feeling relatively well, even stopped by my favorite bakery for croissants (the only money things I'd spent money on was the Metro and the blind melodica player busking at the flea market's gate and the money was burning a hole in my pocket). I'd locked my bedroom door and left the stack of papers in the hall as a declaration of being done with this shit and as I was walking out the door I'd told the father that I had deleted all the files so I guess you can imagine what kind of crapstorm I was faced with after I'd gotten back. I barricaded myself in my room long enough for it to escalate and then when I got out it wasn't really much better. At some point she grabbed me and I told her not to touch me in the most desperately violent tone I could and she just replied with a ""or you'll do what?"". And she kept comparing me with our brother because apparently standing up to her is the same as stealing stuff to pawn for meth money and attempted murder. I think it'll be a while until we speak again, that's just the way it's always been. Back when I was in high school she kept confiscating my phone to improve my grades it always came to this and I always let her have her way back then. Fucking hypocrite never thinks twice before manhadling me but when I try to defend myself acts like I'm some kind of monster. Yes I'm irresponsible and lazy and I may have just halted the production of a high profile book but how wrong am I here really?",4.914338319907941,5.352052792865365,5.38649942462601,84.58557192174915,68.82738780207134,8.023107019562715,27.53762945914845,7.814691822520688,1.4864723130034518,3403,102,698,37,55,1091,353,869,0.135,0.785,0.08,-0.995,5,2,1,0,2,0,40.0,5,4,7,13,43,42,9,5,46,1,59,13,8,8,4,129,122,68,1,7,26,9,6,7,0,3,2,7,9,1,46,58,0,7,9,3,6,12,23,22,1,6,47,16,109,20,107,64,18,109,0,2,3,3,77,50,4,9,46,487,155,22,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061272692332440135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338389233456116,0.0,0.0,0.03822191756814634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114822360223229,0.0,0.0,0.1850105609972292,0.05003513878637366,0.05254489927241115,0.0,0.0,0.21609421525335745,0.04692955199401378,0.20557545240666814,0.0,0.04782705384365226,0.0,0.0,0.04970952265540449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057392475340900084,0.1928536184653556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04487581202244266,0.0,0.0,0.072496270028216,0.05794578183597545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0491861337830086,0.1150362342890286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161513726775014,0.0,0.11137033701650914,0.0,0.0,0.05370711544881364,0.1010284198256194,0.054980123887973874,0.10597178016501603,0.0,0.056838751237246014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039228384087898,0.05873049235496128,0.053917790044748684,0.0958292700140443,0.04714281534344647,0.044952967080796234,0.0,0.061917100221418914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05034941770035446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876917075128605,0.11275813654379482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35117857349128906,0.0,0.0458152840535105,0.0,0.0,0.061067839953162666,0.17242292404223356,0.0,0.19221543598971355,0.0,0.0,0.09948084883051536,0.09439754648946824,0.06287998930025168,0.06135534435141285,0.0,0.050727990223000174,0.10636670245723848,0.07503570656700895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263556010511491,0.04167593888203251,0.04334943032312343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279815063178589,0.0589786035392464,0.0,0.03808655072309227,0.08549419057584429,0.0,0.0,0.12481992962223272,0.12173095547488358,0.0,0.03896607183819716,0.0,0.05872316916907951,0.0,0.05313271252810287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597818590518464,0.0,0.0,0.0720138364483873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05346465140785634,0.0893943242195001,0.05627187898263685,0.05688333902491705,0.0,0.0,0.058634978286729575,0.0,0.1153890314433614,0.04649407476030834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956560521009919,0.0,0.0,0.04699062231477336,0.0,0.0,0.12868454326870424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049126405937544734,0.051746811685865465,0.0,0.0,0.11202204349882963,0.10804335201239716,0.1104439597207383,0.0,0.03277409358080584,0.0,0.0,0.21482846179525453,0.0,0.03816009486881987,0.12227168875524902,0.054904965927546096,0.05851229071296664,0.06760873866391329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260670857635568,0.22306800894250955,0.04508495696116113,0.0,0.05053582531505694,0.0,0.0,0.06275184430740509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275562376713328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061452293227500523,0.0,0.07238947231971991 bpd,OneSplitWonder,2020/01/31,DAE feel lonely but also abhor the idea of spending time with someone? I don't know if its a feeling of not being worth it or not providing value. I don't know how to reach out and meet new people. It's so hard to have no one to talk to. I hinted at someone that I have bpd at work and they have gotten more distant. Or have I?? I don't know,-0.3809210526315781,1.432124592105268,2.2439473684210505,95.89513157894736,85.97368421052632,4.326315789473685,17.394736842105264,5.148860815047168,-0.6756789473684209,263,6,62,1,8,91,52,76,0.207,0.755,0.038,-0.9192,0,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,1,0,17,14,9,0,1,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,6,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,1,3,7,0,10,12,1,5,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,3,2,45,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211446714840104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330121990895917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673849208148731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23685733362949496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29848407091561074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4359346148546315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25536657129154905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916947729372926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18330698345982574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4480635144527692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125208662135124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417823625830268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19249192980772026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HcJamesH,2020/01/31,"DAE, have an issue with listening to music they like? I’ve always been into my music, helped me when no one else would. The older I get I’m always into the exact same stuff I was years ago but the issue with the past few years is whenever I listen to the music I like its normally due to me being in a manic state and escalates it, just want to know if other people experience it too as I’m sure someone has too, thank you! (it happens with all the music I enjoy even classical)",1.8633333333333333,3.7222137171717233,4.433333333333334,82.87000000000003,78.49494949494951,6.824242424242425,19.080808080808087,7.793537801064563,0.7737959595959594,374,8,73,6,9,132,69,99,0.016,0.815,0.16899999999999998,0.9397,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,0,5,5,0,0,8,0,7,0,0,0,3,17,16,5,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,10,5,11,12,3,11,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,9,55,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18963120303500988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560047197109872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870650843199434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412951454161199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092592554136563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176674615464872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18917277000450647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338911420670772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44656329448159343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756733616558933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20902545538184392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20960063512267416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496080914310305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042151857349415,0.14830834495518033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18125757406797186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24489242478358345,0.0,0.0,0.20162135341650925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19695298078045032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261782401404048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519658600635925,0.0,0.0,0.27552078835394395 bpd,pigggyyyyy,2020/01/31,"My girl has BPD and I’m struggling to be able to understand it. I don’t know how much longer I can deal with it. I’m in a long distance relationship with My girlfriend who has BPD and at first when we hung out, she explained to me that she has it and asked me if I’m okay with it (I asked her if she was okay with being in a long distance relationship and she said she’s fine with it). I told her I was okay and willing to be with her, even though I didn’t know exactly what it was at the time. I thought to myself “I may not know how it exactly affects her, but I’ll try to except it and accept her for who she is.” But when things started to unfold, I didn’t know what to do. Not too long after her and I started dating, she started having her “breakdowns” and I didn’t know what to do because she would constantly threaten to kill her self and all I could think to do is stay by her side to keep her from doing things to herself. Then she would get angry at me over petty things (they seemed like petty reasons to me, but I understand those petty reasons might be really bad in her eyes) and flip out on me. This would constantly happen when I was hanging out with her. It got so bad that at one point she assaulted me and it really scared me, I didn’t know what to do. Fast forward a couple of days later, I had to leave but we would try to continue the relationship. So far, it’s been very rocky and idk how much longer I can take it. With all the stress I’m going through at work and the stress that’s being caused in the relationship, I find it difficult to continue the relationship. I told her I would go see her after i left, but I haven’t yet because I’m afraid that if I see her again, her and I would get into a nasty fight and it would lead to her assaulting me again and I don’t want that to happen (I stand by my belief of not hitting a woman). I know it’s not her fault that she’s doing it, but it is just driving me away but I’m afraid of breaking up with her because she might kill herself and I don’t want that to happen. Idk, I’m sorry if I sound ignorant about the subject and if I’m not making sense with this post. I just needed someplace to vent. I joined this subreddit so I could try to understand her a little more, but idk if I have what it takes to understand her anymore.",3.031176470588236,3.701456374233128,4.352859978347169,89.47126759292676,73.1922290388548,7.552532178515579,24.402802838926977,7.724431198458867,0.9515290027667512,1793,49,411,22,34,594,180,489,0.16699999999999998,0.797,0.036000000000000004,-0.997,0,0,0,0,1,0,39.0,2,0,1,3,18,22,5,6,13,3,48,1,1,9,4,104,97,43,2,18,22,0,0,1,1,11,0,2,0,3,39,34,0,2,20,0,0,6,13,16,0,2,15,5,84,6,63,63,5,57,1,0,3,0,57,23,0,10,27,309,123,2,0.07102671085559904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043941172221457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280077349760142,0.0,0.06673193290518281,0.0,0.11860867355346155,0.12989167107443256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891131182948306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296399725665699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535092834671966,0.0,0.1134180982442652,0.0785897046120889,0.0,0.045806352608677665,0.07322542011971478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046912472651259265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649171269646572,0.0604152839697605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742170498053362,0.0,0.08073223318086185,0.0,0.056806549084740664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18842605752087432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313180408868994,0.1571610641580266,0.0,0.2732409594409369,0.0,0.0,0.07520703134863553,0.07717072916595953,0.0,0.0,0.03470006322630192,0.07118742366376342,0.0,0.18856921208088048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04741088102756097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506962319194929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442560983391933,0.05266540612324131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048129537461478786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671431996203537,0.0,0.06802395540336076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100305943394336,0.14605457648308828,0.0,0.3812805322720419,0.0,0.0,0.06756266697680112,0.0,0.07111012827634526,0.0,0.11319818538531615,0.06466004998623688,0.07409634977244328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950858776037763,0.15081921454820255,0.07570502336747935,0.0,0.0,0.1627217146217647,0.07425253973854996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680649436036088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156097196324385,0.04551104838338247,0.06978338279331785,0.05638727465875445,0.041416246281578105,0.0,0.0,0.1357381320106991,0.0,0.14466742306560865,0.0,0.0,0.29576524356869033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058604474974782675,0.08378678860251129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051708291426919656,0.0,0.0,0.3531873627514969,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,spitfyaah,2020/01/31,"I'm having a bad day Just needed to vent Have been blocked by my FP for the millionth time but I deserve it. Found a note from his ex that said I love you and I did the craziest/most painful thing I could and looked her up. Worked out that they met each other near the end of our relationship. Went fully loco after being able to control the emotion for hours. Got abusive. Self harmed. Now feeling so fucking empty. Therapy is not available but I'm feeling so exhausted with going round this cycle. Have not been getting on with housemates, honestly feel like I can't trust anyone in my life. Have no idea who I am. I feel hideous. I just want to disappear. Hope you're having a better day than me",1.3288108336859918,3.888506366906476,2.5398307236563693,91.41645789250956,86.05035971223022,4.997206940330089,22.564959796868386,6.522977012572876,0.6293001269572578,551,20,109,6,17,176,105,139,0.205,0.639,0.156,-0.8411,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,1,1,3,5,11,1,0,7,0,13,5,0,1,0,24,32,6,0,4,6,1,5,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,7,6,0,2,6,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,8,7,16,6,17,22,1,15,0,0,2,2,12,5,1,1,8,73,23,1,0.17673045690195727,0.20939669225064492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357404465364585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756254947701788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630372728153755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19821823511131764,0.14110488914805186,0.0,0.0,0.2279530483117003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19879797674552147,0.15653072843640575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574409166628263,0.12625627372317327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19377582399863824,0.0,0.16338445960921694,0.09233436945066152,0.0,0.10043999141235986,0.0,0.14134749101898286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755332205261197,0.17404390040887266,0.0,0.0,0.1995071741371613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482994825039448,0.08634157424210377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484090730946896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15950613737173502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310433944493131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880536665673692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897423711855511,0.0,0.0,0.1681111353811702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843684100292088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20210667967943213,0.0,0.11741186263203805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305295064821786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424020240902254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383090413479573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866187747420782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,newtsandboots,2020/01/31,"How do I get over my ex without finding someone else? I've been no contact with my ex for a couple months and as you would expect, the relationship itself was all over the place and eventually I had to call it quits. I recognize the patterns I go through in relationships and have sworn off anything romantic until I feel like I'm in a healthy enough mental space - starting therapy soon. The thing is staying away from someone you feel so much for is really hard - I left because I saw the destruction I was causing in her and after over a year and a half of this I hate you I love you stuff I came to the realization that I was incredibly toxic for her. I think about her a lot and at times it's borderline obsessive - I don't want to 'paint her black' and I don't want to just repeat the cycle with someone new. I just want to be comfortably single and I don't know how to do that. Letting go feels impossible sometimes and I want to contact her soo badly sometimes but it's for the best that I remain single for the time being, I don't want to continue the cycle. Anyone have any advice for me? I'm recently diagnosed, things are slowly clicking in place but honestly I feel really lost a lot of the time.",2.8855908289241623,4.7745238847736635,4.5590711346266914,82.98629629629632,75.5843621399177,7.756143445032332,26.386243386243386,8.563005593585519,1.950853968253968,956,36,189,19,21,322,131,243,0.092,0.8220000000000001,0.086,0.755,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,4,0,3,7,10,2,1,17,0,20,2,0,3,1,37,42,16,0,7,5,2,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,12,0,0,7,0,0,3,6,5,0,1,8,8,33,5,35,30,8,31,0,1,3,1,17,14,0,2,14,143,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226345844047167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078125159234711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032966649367886,0.0,0.0945398638898844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079374374875662,0.0,0.09592346369878336,0.07003230945257184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205638240703621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173095584984146,0.13139685822698854,0.0,0.11801766485504725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711712308388434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660499050889135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959709628743831,0.0,0.0,0.1187060339081797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23235550561768034,0.08207325728751172,0.0,0.0,0.10500202869256134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060022224931333384,0.0,0.13058261604039506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291362980944066,0.1134243102312855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313732249254696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124821961429709,0.11747682353976728,0.0,0.056126591007416536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540961710799695,0.19534078629037024,0.10368742768498812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577619873530826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169942975914196,0.0,0.0844530664919061,0.0,0.0,0.1109558246767833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24005896271015906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219343128050845,0.0,0.0,0.1471954521800708,0.0,0.11343423504290462,0.2466851585181233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29202289380855656,0.0,0.2272467171390912,0.0,0.08131559027045712,0.12245121445579164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151486206819768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313800338922108,0.0,0.15264784436033246,0.07361312232413131,0.0,0.0,0.20096960927263746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388082310577389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074421767413783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816104015589712,0.0,0.0,0.07398162378708065 bpd,castanhavoadora,2020/01/31,"recommendation Can anyone kindly recommend an article or maybe a book, or even a movie (anything really) to help me understand BPD better? I just wanted to dive in deeper because my psychiatrist diagnosed me with it last month and I had no idea what it was, but from what I read about the symptoms, it already explains A LOT.",6.401500000000002,7.608067483333333,7.370000000000003,68.94000000000001,65.83333333333334,10.666666666666666,33.33333333333333,10.686352973137794,3.924833333333332,259,11,43,7,4,87,50,60,0.027000000000000003,0.841,0.131,0.6187,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,11,6,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,6,2,6,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,2,33,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728713437624294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289867579113402,0.0,0.2034841919494501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507350160341747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21869242480442733,0.0,0.0,0.31143104751333844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509763743536957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332114889579513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657415391195609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791405453776952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257496249120992,0.0,0.2015600840149386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102222301661218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484184539144465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19737054401197296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473394074665697,0.0,0.15840909016106824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570107981534092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257419384724046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14584772240185825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,octobees,2020/01/31,"DAE have a psychologist that avoid a diagnosis? I should start off by saying, I'm not looking for a diagnosis on here. I just heard it's not uncommon for psychologists to withhold a BPD diagnosis. The only reason I suspect it is what it is, is because she wrote me a letter for taking time off college. She listed that I has issues with ""unstable sense of self, intense changeable emotionality, self harm/ suicidal ideations and gestures, longstanding problems with unstable and intense interpersonal relationships and impulsive behaviours"" there were some things I asked her to take out because I didn't think it was relevant for the college to know because it didn't relate to how it effects my daily functioning. I'm very aware that this is the criteria for a diagnosis like BPD, however I could be wrong and I'm still pursuing an answer with my psychologist. So I asked my psychologist whether she thought I just had an anxiety and depression or she has suspected a different diagnosis and she completely side stepped the question. She started talking about DBT (which I've been sent to) and how each category in that can be used to describe different emotions or whatever. I was quite annoyed that she didn't just flat out tell me. Heck id have preferred her saying she doesn't know if she doesn't. Has anyone else dealt with that before pursuing answers and eventually reaching a diagnosis of BPD? I am aware that other people experiencing a psychologist/psychiatrist withholding that info doesn't mean I definitely have BPD either. I just need to get this question out so I can stop fixating on it. Sorry if this isn't allowed, I'll remove if it isn't. If I've said or done anything wrong, please let me know and I'll change it.",7.319200626959251,8.278207777429465,7.979089341692793,66.26518573667715,63.70219435736677,11.521065830721009,38.20705329153604,11.308507894218259,4.787388589341691,1407,71,232,41,20,469,166,319,0.128,0.8420000000000001,0.03,-0.9821,4,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,2,12,8,1,1,15,0,32,0,0,6,0,62,55,21,1,9,15,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,2,24,17,0,4,16,0,0,3,10,7,0,0,14,6,31,1,28,36,3,17,0,1,1,0,27,9,1,10,6,163,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842823907886437,0.0,0.0,0.07168502551878789,0.10504481918576604,0.08436599890555235,0.0,0.1916864806252866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18748744178997584,0.0,0.08723776957337673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.516486143949549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084535615457541,0.0,0.1074912558575209,0.0,0.0,0.08185462900202484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830113606201194,0.0,0.0,0.21422512527480306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491451692071134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564309081569707,0.2306445188555323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05356296015788439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700522638994403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902848368313544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483460794620668,0.0,0.0500865531287352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609176969023488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116753595449962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601797854474003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797179522806577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107511174141566,0.0,0.0,0.11253720650757752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809869456387034,0.0,0.0,0.2296938333696154,0.10904364006367166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540860195278004,0.0,0.11006912299872074,0.0,0.0,0.09752089173392643,0.16305753398321704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21390340042434225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476379968185045,0.14512969910242846,0.0,0.08187335573267564,0.08571209706971845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214126938317867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416597714494396,0.08240244876877972,0.08960782102861019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811035758015667,0.06569127923291268,0.0,0.08139017527321307,0.05978078501605421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854517612355463,0.0,0.08459051299886948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241811094558061,0.0,0.0 bpd,sunshinenbubbles,2020/01/31,DAE obsess over their appearance ? For almost two years now I’ve gotten so incredibly vain and I’ll just obsess and nitpick over bits of my appearance at a time. I’m constantly stressing over how to improve my looks. For example I’ll obsess over my eyebrow shape and improving them and I’ll have a meltdown if they look ugly. I’ll freak out and struggle the entire day if I think my skin is too textured and I won’t be able to focus. I know it sounds so ridiculous and stupid but I can’t stop it. It’s the only way I feel like I have value and can exert control in my life. Since I’m so mentally unstable I feel as if my appearance is the only thing that attracts men to me.,2.8503675048355923,4.201041425531916,4.640296582849776,84.62454545454548,74.46099290780144,7.68046421663443,26.293359123146356,8.296473431620573,1.6999730496453895,535,19,110,9,11,182,88,141,0.175,0.73,0.096,-0.7473,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,3,1,7,11,2,5,5,0,8,2,1,2,0,25,20,17,0,3,5,0,3,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,5,9,0,2,4,0,0,3,2,9,0,1,1,6,17,2,14,17,1,18,0,0,2,0,4,8,0,7,7,69,22,0,0.21448087585820752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147716154736667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23415756637734175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23177763107563865,0.24055853995403026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832242136839148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168959505263252,0.1532251805684088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787308021218745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149418557171632,0.10478452209681226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36021983466395074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21614627642469464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262447419371737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17742079689412468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931561603534185,0.2456871186403401,0.2242219802378069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424915635646963,0.13743068489174806,0.0,0.0,0.12506552352243486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20951665042329345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024493599323026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811865202094745 bpd,Alianovna-616,2020/01/31,"I finally got a diagnosis that makes sense to me- BPD. But I don’t know where to go from here. I’ve been struggling mentally since sixth grade, and I can vividly recall the symptoms and harmful actions towards myself and others getting worse and worse over time. I’ve been flying through different therapists for years, and have been told all sorts of things. Depression, anxiety, PTSD, EDs, ADD, insomnia. On my own time, I’ve struggled with substance abuse for over a year. The only medication I’ve only ever been put on was Zoloft, and I didn’t see any progress. A few days ago I got diagnosed with BPD and I learned what it was, and all of my symptoms and past diagnosis’s just kind of lined up together and the last couple of days, I’ve just been connecting the events in my past to the contribution of the development of my BPD and God I just wish I had known sooner. My treatment plan I was put on only really covers therapy, but I can’t talk about my substance abuse, and have struggled with honesty about how horrible my symptoms truly go with other therapists because the last thing I want is inpatient. And truly, I can’t afford to be put in inpatient at where I am in life right now. I understand I’m suffering from BPD but I don’t really know where to go from here. How do I make finally understanding how I’m suffering actually contribute to overall progress? How do you guys cope with BPD on your own time? I really just need some insight from someone other than a person who understands BPD by first learning it from a textbook.",6.858930481283423,6.915938501683503,7.274707862943162,74.02356506238863,64.65656565656566,11.163319469201822,35.31570608041196,10.843485225782073,3.8699880768469,1233,53,228,31,17,404,152,297,0.121,0.805,0.075,-0.9308,2,0,0,0,2,0,29.0,0,2,0,4,17,8,0,3,12,0,22,8,0,6,3,49,42,20,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,2,10,19,0,0,9,0,0,7,5,7,0,1,13,2,28,1,41,28,6,41,0,3,2,0,7,16,0,2,18,151,38,4,0.0,0.18125700188023494,0.07464350159901431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780403820333301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0520160288160139,0.0,0.05851487222007485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046627778582734494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5780211516592294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846350650943998,0.0,0.09865983474319157,0.0,0.06588098565314478,0.07763604715581426,0.0,0.07991608621468324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918985796560001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16758277563358964,0.0,0.06506261242125591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0399630261520459,0.0,0.1304136052719201,0.0,0.12235256521973717,0.0,0.0,0.07573742548422091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965287964129149,0.08407413996486646,0.12469961148821765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054027362900384346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211574204932776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705593280563244,0.07708423443377349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05671659026413861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452296601810335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603729801488785,0.0,0.06678838196937592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941307061480634,0.2306816430005384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700493971184705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532230058969044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06095286803750415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327356884160093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648099852769443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23989281669459303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23850813642966776,0.0,0.06148000792772902,0.0,0.0,0.08747332735995032,0.1776222739023812,0.10163351663828234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380633190983646,0.0,0.0,0.07308976217191815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388873081307517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04511596234154477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796007322012031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590030644862055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851449424129988 bpd,33person,2020/01/31,"Poem About the Struggle with Changing Your BPD Ways My mind is a terrifying paradox Full of irrational mental blocks If I could just do ""this"" it'll all be okay That's what I tell myself everyday But will ""this"" ever be enough? I think it's time that I call my own bluff Why rely on a recipe for self defeat And furthermore continue to rinse and repeat I know a band aid can work for a while Hell, I can play the part and fake a smile But these wounds won't simply fade away And black & white won't suddenly turn to gray I want to, I need to, fix from within But how do I start, where do I even begin? It's like my brain has to be completely rewired And whoever built this thing needs to get fired I've done my homework, so I should be prepared I promise I'm trying, just so overwhelmed and scared And now the self doubt is setting in hard I'm starting to drown, where the fucks a lifeguard I need to save myself, I must stay alive Maybe if I do ""this"" I'll be able to survive So I go back to the same old pattern and routine My mind's a terrifying paradox, you see what I mean?",0.6843171806167376,2.8800409207048503,2.142389427312775,95.87518766519828,84.72687224669603,5.217903083700441,19.65268722466961,6.55674776486733,0.0158191718061671,847,24,192,9,25,273,140,227,0.19399999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.096,-0.9751,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,0,3,13,13,2,4,12,1,22,3,1,1,3,35,39,18,1,9,7,0,2,1,0,6,1,0,1,2,13,9,0,1,3,2,0,1,2,8,0,0,1,6,26,5,20,26,6,25,1,2,4,1,7,7,2,3,15,124,39,2,0.14555674301852833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771067024761054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367553515008878,0.1119241506997017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833236223764892,0.16248946371380002,0.14862970884140808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397973397823633,0.0,0.1526134757220021,0.0,0.0,0.11621521524031915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895508432972024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039902530815086,0.0,0.09613885598540002,0.1316644073410636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456486345052013,0.07604739059416163,0.0,0.08272325141388884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039025148659425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999417932529483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111167228377092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462313125181033,0.15855396456858556,0.0,0.0,0.14668696165135106,0.0,0.2939416337710773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32378544181633473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527373165182869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762376828800678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572769234067154,0.0,0.11598987889071967,0.0,0.3036948554288381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060516237699184,0.1551441211168406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521675115601272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722300907134187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670143231700684,0.09326688360258777,0.0,0.0,0.08487530739042415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882347391403276,0.1583239387332106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858531382774999,0.11553616749940253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134232067112228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596704248993112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yrbunny,2020/01/31,"D.A.E sometimes get so deep in thought that you can put into perspective all the horrible things you’ve done to the people you love with intentions only to do the opposite ? I feel guilt frequently but sometimes i cant stop feeling like i am such a terrible person and that everything bad that happens to me is my own fault. Its really shitty knowing that you’re causing harm to a person or situation and yet you’re unable to control your behaviour in that moment.",7.5480681818181825,7.7079167613636415,7.90127272727273,69.7619090909091,63.20454545454545,11.585454545454546,36.91818181818182,11.20814326018867,4.43112909090909,377,17,63,10,5,124,66,88,0.295,0.657,0.048,-0.9791,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,1,3,7,0,1,5,0,6,1,0,3,1,15,13,5,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,4,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,2,2,8,2,9,11,2,9,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,5,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18097866884612132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226637681981977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431055336100767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22181230872771351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19480250885412198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21919240863634812,0.15484750319694193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324385036143113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19167286868319305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912110070473145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589396312136884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19562692916754665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648494833965873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026838126089076,0.3785185588721942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178953896174908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885672998320847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436380637853189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287460729799045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812141798383952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440002404485383,0.0,0.0,0.17207668886040225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,The_Rest_Is_Confetti,2020/01/31,"5 years thrown away like I never mattered I (F29) will make my best attempt to not make this person like the hugest piece of shit. Because even with the ending of this story, I still love him. I have been so ridiculous damaged my whole life that none of this is a surprise. I got married young, to the wrong person and within the 1st year of marriage realized that I had made a mistake. I didn’t have the emotional courage inside myself to leave my husband. But yet I found the sweetest, gentlest, yet so sexually compatible human being (M33) I have ever had the pleasure of breathing next to. This guy got me into proper therapy to deal with my entire thought process. and in all the crazy details, he helped me accept my BPD and even looked into subreddits just like this, just to remind me I’m not alone. But exactly one week ago, he ghosted me. 5 years of helping me, 5 years of love and acceptance just gone. To be blocked from social media, to have my phone number rejected, to complete abandon me in all the ways I can’t accept, he did it. And now I feel so lost. I have no contact. No answers. No explanation, and yet I find myself blaming myself for him ghosting me. All I want is to see his name pop up on my phone screen, but he won’t. He hurt me in the exact way he knew it would. Complete and total abandonment. If anyone can relate or even has the strength out there to remind me is gonna be okay, then I thank you.",2.961807511737089,4.762785063380285,4.024295774647886,87.28684272300472,75.1267605633803,6.282629107981221,25.91784037558686,6.996647511020387,1.1351530516431927,1114,40,221,11,24,361,164,284,0.12300000000000001,0.7340000000000001,0.14300000000000002,0.4736,0,2,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,1,0,4,16,26,2,0,13,1,22,5,2,3,8,51,41,16,2,4,10,1,1,3,0,4,1,0,0,4,9,12,0,3,10,0,0,1,10,10,0,1,13,4,38,16,32,21,8,30,0,6,3,2,26,10,1,2,20,158,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132888542810764,0.0,0.0,0.1300744484055349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781618019398553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799692285329028,0.0,0.0,0.07655913655227171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180005546608384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817752716319766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633596466025634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947885476421872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127302377303386,0.11123639023707936,0.0,0.0,0.2488551061822072,0.1136042922272538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350260694780947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478794167688468,0.0,0.0,0.13770410060783256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20089326647971845,0.0,0.0,0.12435488191820104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16836206290595793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344478133405812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329827848487318,0.0,0.0,0.08870867065885192,0.18407232513417449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546484855969404,0.0,0.13709746367341394,0.0,0.2267016466239722,0.1188372853281548,0.1676659981950304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096863557882562,0.0,0.13356750327518455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510374376351358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21932251592153226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007980412482713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891740494528228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802425635468992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029717236025186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562736238077308,0.14362430760344538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970526265543833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407685346761186,0.1993766546401414,0.10074156236168016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402179188515318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921627639982897,0.13731409427272212,0.0,0.3235060663940963 bpd,karaaterno,2020/01/31,"Emotions or logic? I'm still trying to really think it out myself, but how do others figure out if opinions/ emotions you're having regarding relationships are just your BPD acting out verse maybe actually just being done? I've been with my boyfriend for 5.5 years and I'll give, right now im going to school 30 hours a week and trying to work just as much so I basically have no time. But I'm not sure if I'm wanting to leave just cause of essentially commitment issues related to my BPD or because I'm actually in that position. I know ultimately no one can say but what are some tricks you guys use to help figure it out? Like I love him, I do. But I also am polygamous and have never viewed or felt romantic emotions the same as others.",4.7781756756756755,5.679730736486487,6.287405405405406,76.34543243243247,69.33783783783784,9.703783783783782,27.63783783783784,9.888512548439397,2.576249189189189,591,19,114,14,10,202,100,148,0.076,0.795,0.129,0.9043,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,1,9,4,1,0,2,0,12,1,0,3,3,38,24,17,0,3,14,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,8,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,3,3,11,3,16,20,3,15,0,0,1,1,9,6,0,7,8,76,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.2837576561073593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162676427707195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862787032156316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662250646109053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935469611366234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487835683028994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4906296411405922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959637451026022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394705111384083,0.08262799878473517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395810669801226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974512759042953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431790165376819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704522015621206,0.15174848892825174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990206911725185,0.0,0.0,0.1539461067788651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102978993953553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121937526657007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606293280932892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106877746625963,0.0,0.11213306776310814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851944399872432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314000601803718,0.0,0.0,0.15609352604746632,0.0,0.12416153121034515,0.0,0.11561927966093055,0.0,0.14714157168682468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610795505112195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702754388778093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315949038817377,0.0,0.0,0.08477757675192793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974193650009517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255695364791832,0.0,0.0,0.08575428170450193,0.0,0.116622398410758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584502553305038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936258394223106 bpd,creative_diamond,2020/01/31,"DAE lose their self esteem in seconds over an ugly photo of themselves? I've always been hyper critical when it comes to my appearance, because when I was a kid I got teased and criticized a lot, coz I was a bit overweight. Even tho I consciously am aware of that I am today an attractive woman (I work out a lot, I pay very much attention to detail when it comes to what I wear and which impression I wanna make, I have long hair, wear nice Make up and so on). I'm trying hard to be ""perfect"", even tho I know that perfection can't be accomplished and shouldn't be the goal. When I look in the mirror I'm often really happy with my looks and feel super confident. But this confidence can be shattered in a matter of seconds! When I then come to the idea to take a cool selfie and realize that my nose looks too big, my lips too thin or whatever, I feel ugly and bad about myself again. And I remember how much I hate myself. I know that this isn't logical and that even the most beautiful people sometimes can look less attractive in photos, but somehow my subconscious is very resistant to this kind of logic. My inner critic is relentless and never leaves me alone! I wanna be kinder to myself. It is a challenge, tho. Does anyone else here have this, too? And what do you do about it?",3.2476599702380966,4.969964085937502,4.651785714285714,83.4241666666667,74.15625,8.157440476190478,23.909226190476193,8.841846274778883,1.7541069940476186,1010,30,197,21,21,336,144,256,0.102,0.764,0.134,0.8432,0,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,1,8,22,15,2,0,13,1,22,6,5,4,3,47,41,25,0,3,3,0,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,16,16,1,0,11,0,1,4,4,4,0,2,4,11,30,11,25,31,7,25,0,1,4,0,6,11,0,7,10,150,46,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711009081808254,0.0,0.0,0.11015424710788099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256610033167832,0.13564324210952786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053526489621857,0.08070017051242241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452924296355574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421117601896268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585029253250075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105899995122845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26231551720909785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387484340742614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587972637754192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092542674961844,0.11859022697657423,0.1307019752378378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944563115847834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13785775699033334,0.14550977200878898,0.0,0.0,0.14017573729011704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171558379566923,0.4446774948159507,0.1481040406024181,0.0,0.2250966001962203,0.0,0.0,0.1767349431146761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19463521678688508,0.0,0.1021028448018815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177852524885836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480869888797166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996547500284246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810557701327314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093134415289095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995364318060398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548472823105622,0.0,0.0,0.08988017178020104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184616342588669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963772634659672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,alpalbish,2020/01/31,"I feel like I can’t keep trying Sorry my original post was all over the place made no sense, I am having such a bad mental breakdown. I am so stressed out by everything, school, my relationship and hypochondria mostly right now i have been suffering with this and other mental health problems for years I feel like giving up I am in so much pain. I am so scared to talk to people because it usually makes it worse bc I can feel them not care about me. Whenever I think I am doing well I go right back to square one. I am hurting so much I can’t even explain how much pain I am in and how much worse my mental health has gotten. I have such a bad memory when I am upset I can only focus on everything I hate about myself. I literally don’t know how to fix any of this I want to be better but everyone hurts me so bad, I am so sensitive to emotions and it just seems so hopeless I don’t know what to do. Nobody cares anymore they don’t understand how hard it is to feel so much all at once.",3.0299679487179496,3.945328086538467,4.624730769230768,86.60360256410256,73.42307692307692,7.854358974358973,23.96282051282052,8.238735603445708,1.2124489743589746,774,21,169,12,15,261,118,208,0.223,0.7040000000000001,0.073,-0.9819,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,2,1,22,20,1,3,3,0,26,4,0,7,2,32,46,18,0,2,3,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,10,0,0,1,7,14,1,1,4,6,31,6,21,41,8,18,0,4,1,0,6,10,0,2,8,125,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021312603076156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023956513179995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793924079975893,0.2586267847117857,0.0629398700493658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913156953182708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21053926940682546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614166718932092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819524857770219,0.0,0.0,0.09865921716337096,0.18558778902857967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20882397629248006,0.14752277023514465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990462234387493,0.05867900793600681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924911735332878,0.10193739721279313,0.0,0.21949854762925008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22106121571263926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177280219254097,0.0,0.0,0.11348632949587448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008848736228838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769706964323817,0.06891976982320919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121533029613197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795009097815649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099572310589761,0.06996445903661554,0.07852581397959964,0.21972926197490544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158012697874518,0.0,0.10787363743441487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888437521628254,0.0,0.0,0.09879572245877016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085120526228556,0.0,0.17634883047862385,0.0,0.0,0.1033706517720183,0.1044938952862886,0.0,0.09399436722591316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557923937815408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827182783684807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829879489699317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615804032775252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009955859993781,0.0,0.0,0.10748625667075157,0.0,0.0,0.11371461653941052,0.0,0.060899165545500886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928336017047908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104398992785351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664892222403916 bpd,xuloxs,2020/01/31,"Vent.. I’ve been having the absolute worst fucking time recently and I feel like I’m losing my mind. I don’t know what to do anymore guys like I’ve given up. I have nothing and no one. I want to hurt so badly, physically hurt, because I can’t stand it anymore. I haven’t cut in a while and I know if I do anything I’ll be so mad at myself but I just. Cannot. I want to end it. Like I’m not going to make it to next year. Nothing gets better for me. My blade is taunting me in my nightstand drawer",-1.5208108108108114,0.43607781981982185,1.6473513513513502,96.43210810810812,95.12612612612612,4.0410810810810815,18.210810810810813,5.6839178017228535,-0.3933956756756758,382,12,91,3,15,135,69,111,0.174,0.725,0.102,-0.8257,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,3,12,3,0,2,0,11,1,0,1,0,14,23,8,0,3,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,8,0,1,2,1,16,4,10,20,1,12,0,3,0,1,1,4,1,1,9,56,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652160401794586,0.0,0.0,0.15152374694309692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537413112454775,0.1122442692290312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284850099151815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630850071736583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310193442592808,0.1315428958361262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17022571883231735,0.09620060837035044,0.0,0.10464563018156364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231818532123675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942311065002976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023866606613344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698706457571847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20599497747933795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229085664328775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859193574770948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958249200947195,0.0,0.0,0.3533564417253774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477162044360672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18180669633018096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736799964844762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21720992839518646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857403194709333 bpd,vardip,2020/01/31,"Seeking Support Real Time Please Have bpd traits. Well hidden, but really struggling, like badly. Can someone chat please? Thank you.",5.193571428571428,8.522764428571431,3.314642857142857,80.64910714285716,95.1904761904762,4.0047619047619065,24.29761904761905,5.985473137389443,1.370419047619048,107,4,13,1,4,30,20,21,0.237,0.355,0.408,0.4994,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22202551375619387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349070075202462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299112305091156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.583783313572452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026662091035495,0.1703501136879297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253064770819557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27798908442767284,0.0,0.0,0.3017539235436652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448161544620077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505549607846647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390869314094456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lilghosthunter,2020/01/31,"Angery (c"" ತ,_ತ) When you randomly get angry at someone and want to say something petty but have to stop yourself because you know it’s your inner borderline and There Will Be Consequences and at the same time you don’t want them to be mad at you",9.756122448979593,6.630952877551023,8.895612244897956,74.92260204081633,61.04081632653061,12.248979591836735,38.785714285714285,10.125756701596842,3.6562979591836737,197,7,39,3,2,62,38,49,0.196,0.7559999999999999,0.048,-0.8422,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,5,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,10,9,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,6,6,1,7,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,3,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642874786644887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22651148612595645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382672212528208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447756083467266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3673447057044368,0.3337672423055124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624664213666753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528059393253965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.511436928680278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GoinThroMotions,2020/01/31,"Struggling, just needing to vent. As time goes on I just feel more and more worn down, anxious, and depressed... it’s been about 5 years since my last suicide attempt, and maybe 4 months since I last cut myself.... and all I can feel is shame, shame because I haven’t tried to kill myself in such a long time, and shame that I am laying here with a knife, knowing it’s the only thing that will make me feel better. I’m internally struggling in my relationship despite it going more or less ok since a temporary break up a few months ago... I’m tormented by the current political climate. I’m lonely because I have no one in my life I can talk to or feel a deep connection with. my body hurts... my mind hurts... my psych doctor currently has his medical license suspended and I havnt seen him in awhile , and while my primary is keeping me on my psych meds, I really could use a psych doc and all the other ones near me have horrible reviews. I’m just so tired of being tired ... and everyone usually thinks it will get better when it doesn’t, or they have some god or spiritual belief that tricks them into a tomorrow. I’m just so stressed and worn out and hurting. I keep trying to come up with a plan to end it, but I just get so anxious about it or think back to how it’s always failed in the last and just ends with me in a psych ward. i really wish I could just take a vacation from myself. sorry this is such a negative post, I just needed to vent in writing. I hope all of you are doing much better than I !",4.305784313725489,4.8432460816993474,5.30052941176471,84.31138235294121,70.20915032679738,8.603660130718955,27.391503267973857,8.697196308434329,1.8027024836601309,1175,37,248,19,20,387,164,306,0.175,0.765,0.06,-0.9787,2,2,0,0,0,3,42.0,0,1,2,6,19,20,3,6,15,1,20,6,1,3,3,58,48,25,2,6,14,0,4,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,14,19,0,2,8,0,0,2,4,15,0,2,4,5,36,5,34,39,10,39,1,6,1,0,8,16,0,7,19,169,50,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832235480644364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290612162935354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251233221759547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661484682221008,0.0,0.12147580919798755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643629857965269,0.0,0.11067445353046232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858286144075032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910437306666034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581736344973691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019828832240071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17649794818527625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520760235412362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015182227114082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411263601602654,0.0,0.05662610970097948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896220879659608,0.0,0.0,0.3199910093545027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771242203068084,0.11023378530602518,0.0,0.05475799242041692,0.24365281822285256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037669203468871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817577538988464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650859623992612,0.0,0.10009894682377138,0.0,0.11067445353046232,0.10037398387381004,0.0,0.0,0.10060515583658246,0.0,0.159058904669275,0.0,0.07324479709114458,0.14775942381776005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350334735344431,0.07577857079003157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542488320212524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766026712247125,0.0,0.0,0.106973051018748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24726273295134374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153567380213114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413406145053645,0.20832484350541688,0.0,0.1089869111719311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491476487312841,0.08008459698833878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619451993282394,0.12768697293882975,0.0,0.0,0.1161984903893074,0.2290365792328285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529421968412528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605453904669635,0.10973628521102212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145778481873125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416308190866518 bpd,ILickYourNose117,2020/01/31,What is the Best Path to Take if I Want to be Screened for BPD? Title. I understand this sub has rules against trying to diagnose other people so I've tried to carefully word my post. I hope I am not stepping over this rule as I don't intend to.,1.1607692307692297,3.0644843076923074,2.9890769230769263,92.15592307692309,80.92307692307693,6.467692307692308,21.93846153846154,7.554174236665415,0.7727261538461541,192,6,43,3,5,64,42,52,0.0,0.8059999999999999,0.19399999999999998,0.836,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,1,0,7,10,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,9,9,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166709185509191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38004705418179796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076570627969842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062727127046156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997085899522146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091973785504357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28899574432141656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22688053166714775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4097406505301149,0.0,0.0,0.3141352785305535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798160363435458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Right-Consideration,2020/01/31,"How do I stop upsetting someone with BPD? I just feel like there's a small margin for error. She tells me something is fine then later it upsets her. I do make mistakes but they're not intentional. Something like I genuinely accidentally leave my phone on the wrong floor so I miss something, and I come back but even if I explain that, it's not okay. I asked them if I could call them when I got home, they said if I hurried because the were going to sleep. I'm out and I didn't drive myself. Nor are taxis the thing where I live, so I told them to rest well and I thought we were okay and that's when everything happened. I'm currently walking home to see if I can salvage it but their phone is off. I just want to stop them from feeling like this, but if I'm honest with myself, I'm really stupid and this kinda stuff is gonna keep happening. Any tips?",1.1099286351471918,3.3466623954802297,2.5098245614035117,93.66082961641392,83.23728813559322,5.5342253939934585,20.6152245019328,6.8360192770164,0.28847570621468943,672,20,148,8,19,217,110,177,0.17800000000000002,0.711,0.111,-0.8789,1,0,3,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,6,0,12,14,1,2,4,2,11,1,1,3,0,37,33,21,0,8,13,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,2,0,9,10,0,3,4,0,0,4,4,6,1,0,7,4,30,8,11,24,1,18,0,1,1,0,17,6,0,6,11,96,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465036033971843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386621584508627,0.0,0.0,0.11833177889766075,0.0,0.09380981096775903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938188515539997,0.0,0.1571387205915342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325624607294395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286850575492594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164278021158774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830625478762673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562264210403098,0.2198778481484729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874591358058881,0.0,0.12307975378151535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721685338439324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087280903556085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678435018870144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629471082149441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255483904712404,0.0,0.13588753776651274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272265535320826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858576457254876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638446711350986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226302689585624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400096567686036,0.0,0.1303903521130781,0.3554157245677804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25731757435042457,0.0,0.0,0.17616703556554575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345064928883596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223756389025387,0.0,0.0,0.12217133399631967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704832572840967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076820786946108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836543705209653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825436919783135,0.0,0.0 bpd,alittlebitblue39,2020/01/31,"Toxic Boyfriend I've recently started dating this guy and suspect he might have BPD or some sort of bipolar disorder. I'm not sure (and frankly, I don't care), I've just noticed some somewhat toxic warning signs and was wondering if anyone could shed light on it (as in what have you noticed? What are some warning signs?) Thank you!",2.881904761904764,5.6444270317460346,3.0914285714285725,88.92857142857146,80.26984126984127,5.504761904761906,29.63492063492064,6.868970318607317,1.7361492063492068,265,13,48,3,7,81,48,63,0.18100000000000002,0.7809999999999999,0.038,-0.8201,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,1,19,12,6,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,3,3,4,9,4,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,9,3,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708774395473147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077903272024149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24916353641599398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19511898500050756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800827196806558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419764076557525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25925047475409674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5564606073108652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412975490526293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297469872836646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23032695817132484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249939314325724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650216418555639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thatgirlwith_bpd,2020/01/31,"Ghosted by one night stand w/ So I became friends with someone at my company (I don’t work directly with him) and we would message back and forth during work almost all day. This went on for several months months until we decided to go get drinks. Of course my BPD went off and I got extremely drunk and we ended up hooking up and doing drugs. I stayed the night at his place, and he never ended up messaging me again. I’m so embarrassed because I was a messy drunk or whatnot. I saw him at a work event recently and it triggered so many emotions. I’ve felt like I should email him to just see why he stopped talking to me because it was kinda odd since we were talking so much. The other part of me thinks “whatever”, but I was honestly really hurt. I have no idea what to do",3.381666666666668,4.745577522292997,4.544347133757963,85.784716029724,73.14012738853503,8.035881104033969,27.733014861995755,8.59863814320734,1.964826326963906,609,23,125,11,12,200,105,157,0.11699999999999999,0.833,0.05,-0.8322,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,4,0,0,3,7,5,0,1,4,0,10,4,0,1,2,28,20,14,1,2,3,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,5,13,3,1,4,3,0,3,3,2,0,1,9,3,22,3,19,9,3,28,0,1,2,0,16,9,0,3,15,82,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457280225838748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190416239217528,0.0,0.17742838683417947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18329088298183652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385529321727673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256472923319186,0.1687694651132218,0.0,0.0,0.16370250397300432,0.2577940944193764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973234066998275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243669515853973,0.0,0.07603380944460385,0.0,0.08270847803585996,0.0,0.11639423392990095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579367603052174,0.16428650080598609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109897259415575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475453368569312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232322509752407,0.0,0.10698184500831363,0.0,0.11224228480155306,0.0,0.0,0.27314149757717976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861540143677026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575956185782764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204865736862325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323072391081366,0.0,0.1436940570199388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596916449302508,0.0,0.0,0.1644083219372892,0.0,0.12038453889548635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330773079862195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551164142422794,0.0,0.12167022204311585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23394420580886716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932502272586278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26981692343236063,0.1313188645119252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178443541509061,0.0,0.0,0.10338086813561527,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RandomAccount49372,2020/01/31,"I ruin all my relationships It seems like no matter how hard I try, when I get upset with my family I can't control my anger. The things I say and do are terrible and afterwards I feel awful but I can't seem to stop the pattern. I've tried so hard but my efforts amount to nothing. I just feel so bad for my family and the amount of verbal abuse and crying they have to take from me, I'm not a bad person but I have an extremely hard time controlling my emotions. I just need some advice, please try not to judge me. Thanks in advance",2.412668650793652,3.8185892946428592,4.1186904761904755,87.69853174603178,75.69642857142857,7.477777777777778,22.265873015873016,8.167268648758528,1.0320503968253971,419,11,91,7,9,141,72,112,0.28300000000000003,0.61,0.107,-0.9743,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,1,4,6,8,1,1,5,1,6,0,0,3,1,24,15,11,0,1,7,0,5,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,5,0,3,4,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,0,6,19,2,9,15,4,6,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,3,5,59,21,0,0.0,0.18608215931993544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534704034764157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622654402636938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522966557843229,0.0,0.0,0.1725153790645122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666352024778462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961112390765042,0.0,0.15882146199878888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205372616993119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42206600017900653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672817751496121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645283190316065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506966182484743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713264817828072,0.0,0.17239706505172525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16861617901026466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248948732852445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859503604425554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130336564070558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808433324151388,0.0,0.0,0.14459332949488946,0.0,0.0,0.10433905470767044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157888491360376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31988609488170605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,too__legit,2020/01/31,"A guy I like didn't accept my friend request on facebook. Rejection issues are driving me crazy So a little back story. I used to work with this guy who I'm totally head over heels with. Unfortunately he was a manager and it was a big no no to date so I never really tried to pursue him. Well, that and of course my self esteem sucks, so I just kept it casual. We're no longer coworkers because I left that job so I figured hell, why not try to add him on facebook. So I sent the request and waited. About 2 days later, he declined it. I wasn't really surprised by it tbh. But then I ended up running into him at the store and I jokingly said, ""Hey, I'm mad at you"" and he looked shocked and was like ""Mad at me? Why?!"" and I told him because you didn't accept my friend request on facebook. And he basically said he didn't accept it because he thought that I still worked with him but now that I don't work there anymore, he can add me. He then told me he would but almost two weeks went by and he hasn't sent it. I saw him again the other day and we talked for a bit. He mentioned how he doesn't see me anymore and I told him, ""Wellllll, we could keep in touch if *someone* would add me on facebook."" He then said ""Oh yea! I have to do that!"" Welp, still no friend request. I no longer have the option to add him because he declined my request, but I can send him a message. I just don't know if I should or what the hell to even say. I'm just really having an issue with the perceived rejection and feeling like there's something wrong with me. I hate creating things in my head and dwelling on them. And of course, I'm splitting because of this too. When he declined the request, I hated him. When he said he would add me, I adored him. Then when he didn't, I went back to despising him and of course myself too. I hate this disorder more than anything. Anyways, just wanted to vent.",1.2537649750975923,3.2190078056266005,2.939007268811416,92.31803843047516,80.91815856777494,5.7526181181854925,22.565688517970123,6.8360192770164,0.5448629156010227,1456,48,321,16,38,481,170,391,0.201,0.752,0.047,-0.9961,1,0,1,0,0,0,56.0,2,2,1,3,27,28,9,1,14,1,24,3,3,2,2,63,54,35,0,8,12,0,2,3,3,4,0,5,0,3,18,28,0,3,8,2,1,7,16,14,1,1,22,10,56,14,36,27,3,43,2,2,3,0,63,16,3,5,23,210,74,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326412931954857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18473549267933406,0.0,0.0,0.0766445362870624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323455554655196,0.0,0.28387992441772225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168243835948057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436301548249473,0.0,0.0,0.12013245014564312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674407526226964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249251356548992,0.0,0.0,0.06151668885462196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047093308708789416,0.0665377173982072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158742764417853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18444228119428124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758631111892353,0.19117266260762214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19442348963664408,0.09242497076164094,0.08278522383216652,0.0,0.0,0.05118614101755393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119457505634594,0.0,0.0,0.13650738527022566,0.0933486201940442,0.0,0.0,0.07821235867102813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183367192695289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789995253596899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543817946666046,0.07406697746948088,0.0,0.0,0.07421882876460772,0.0,0.09716311753804513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789154202973127,0.07170208743720677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876005655836885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486069692450338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06187666643906176,0.0,0.0,0.07394107013563259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26699169626008723,0.0,0.12646900847718898,0.0,0.09098217162720253,0.0,0.0,0.08044122101895099,0.0,0.0,0.05493513252759995,0.0,0.07470958633247131,0.0,0.08374213615220671,0.17267948877241476,0.1680848932797043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20341644951613186,0.0,0.0,0.19848742508156636,0.10183164664354273,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lolalavendar,2020/01/31,BPD & phone addiction? Is there correlation between BPD and phone addiction and impulsive texting and stuff? Does anyone else experience this?,7.927575757575759,12.236481454545455,7.115454545454547,57.1098484848485,75.36363636363636,12.024242424242425,39.15151515151515,10.504223727775694,6.794769696969698,120,7,14,5,3,37,17,22,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5205597568012199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25869261930139315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694412927277286,0.2446342977026271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6014110266342235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20893746353723805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994504587392287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23354971709699016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733191247113141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,____twofifteen,2020/01/31,"DAE get irritated / assume the worst when people don’t text back? I get irritated, and often start assuming the worst (they hate me, they think I’m unattractive, they are plotting against me, they died in some horrible tragedy) when texting and the other person doesn’t text back, or takes a longer amount of time to do so. Is this common with anyone else who has BPD? How do you manage this? What skills would be helpful?",4.066401446654613,6.3622266708860815,3.8975045207956636,87.22050632911396,73.43037974683544,6.53960216998192,23.943942133815554,7.447530270364453,1.0257688969258587,333,10,63,4,7,101,61,79,0.299,0.672,0.028999999999999998,-0.98,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,4,1,7,3,1,0,4,0,9,0,0,1,0,11,16,7,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,8,0,5,14,4,8,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,5,7,44,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19140309677303166,0.28047564392439595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4209733202281752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.344761847669274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28409552381099584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286719252829469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860323023491876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702583637555802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347997002438152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18977459228539656,0.23901636718143726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937522769986507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058159652523873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17539945316565514,0.0,0.0,0.15961809731931725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944547297293574,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sweetbabycoconut,2020/02/01,Why do I push people away and expect them to stay? I always fucking do this to myself it hurts,-0.669666666666668,1.516552700000002,1.7600000000000016,94.31833333333331,97.0,2.666666666666667,11.666666666666668,3.1291,-1.5643333333333334,74,1,15,0,3,25,17,20,0.154,0.846,0.0,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,3,0,3,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,12,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395060250936718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38334901079503136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3772086922038329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4367947485524589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828702761290971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43489592698256696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681753448929687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jingy14,2020/02/01,"I need some advice I’m coming off a pretty tough week. I was in hospital on Thursday following an overdose. My dad, my girlfriend and another friend of ours stayed with me the whole time and were amazing. Understandably, my girlfriend is taking the whole thing pretty hard. The other friend who was there has been with me a lot, and I’m worried that I’m starting to develop feelings for her. I tend to develop feelings for any girl who gets close to me, which has resulted in a couple of broken friendships which I still grieve for. But my priority is my current relationship. I love my partner and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. We’ve been together nearly two years now and I am sure about her. What do I do about these feelings I’m getting for my friend? I’m desperate not to lose her as a friend, and I wish I didn’t have these feelings. Is there any way I can reduce the strength of these feelings?",3.8582417582417565,5.378041637362641,4.586593406593405,85.33340659340661,72.18681318681318,7.617582417582418,28.384615384615394,8.192908349453996,1.8582703296703311,726,28,145,11,14,233,102,182,0.067,0.718,0.215,0.9831,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,2,6,11,0,0,10,0,16,2,0,1,1,26,38,8,1,3,2,1,6,0,7,0,1,0,0,2,11,11,0,0,6,0,1,2,2,3,0,1,6,6,27,8,24,32,5,18,0,2,0,1,18,6,0,2,8,106,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994020778612648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19477132040123066,0.15016500963953675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336013668798555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845580445008298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620487711238471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44256544377346413,0.0,0.14963947744635556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828532934600656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101151328248502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021198466808415,0.0,0.12174945704650113,0.12924989463726735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618616439824173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913859740454189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15375070757812426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013626406737972,0.15263959112477726,0.11436528276727215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497088805612747,0.0,0.10767382997493108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514035713239813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835051442710313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989241501589267,0.14908352127475272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446718979178948,0.11367103851747748,0.11487200481113745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197709678373545,0.1646809646337072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543364413824386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222060275836633 bpd,MainSignature,2020/02/01,"Advice needed for a Favourite Person My friend has BPD and I think I've become her FP. We've known each other for a while but over the past few months things have become much more intense. I'm aware of her condition so I try to be as patient and understanding as possible but sometimes I wonder whether I'm helping or hindering. She's on holiday at the moment in another country but has been texting me pretty much constantly. I've been texting back because I knew she was feeling anxious about going and she has bad abandonment issues but now I'm worried that I'm enabling an unhealthy level of attachment. She's away and shouldn't be relying on me for communication or to feel secure, she should just be having a good time independently. What's the right thing to do here?",4.539200000000001,6.449189786666667,5.490333333333336,77.96350000000002,71.13333333333333,8.200000000000001,30.5,8.841846274778883,2.6778,628,27,111,12,12,206,101,150,0.11800000000000001,0.722,0.16,0.598,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,7,0,14,0,0,1,0,25,26,15,0,3,8,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,2,7,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,2,14,3,17,17,5,17,0,1,0,0,10,8,0,3,8,79,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17011971658156927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18254959946457372,0.0,0.19667328417527294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635642312201019,0.13386523791020125,0.1453587185416387,0.10612426163533592,0.38453967782338544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21926152819182415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881305309343934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605128735102654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450227967826814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989399308549333,0.14601927646022672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166895318960242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18170578039795812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895778036794293,0.0,0.2559538417153921,0.1290862753321114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618956439829385,0.0,0.15200955176842426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19626145203979845,0.0,0.1771131403356596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867276823196712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218045680595825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313166579767997,0.11155048740197172,0.0,0.0,0.10151386582333807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819636569866615,0.0,0.0,0.18123487729134025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887942701946656,0.0,0.1767978675580876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HARLEENQUlNZEL,2020/02/01,"DAE experience this? i read the DAE thread criteria and my issue is a bit longer so i’m making my own post. what i’m wondering is if anyone else has an issue with the following: **splitting caused by triggering issues**, anything from jealousy to past trauma, then **feeling like a different person** (eg. doing or saying awful things, i’ve been told there’s a noticeable difference in my eyes), and if you wrote something (eg. a journal entry or upset letter) **your handwriting is completely different** and almost young-looking, and having a **foggy memory or no memory at all** of splitting. that’s the best way i can describe something that’s been plaguing me and the people around me for many years. it’s just an example but if you have something similar to share, please do. i am trying to see if this is a bpd thing because that’s what i was diagnosed with but i am scared it’s something else.",0.9997709486543228,3.369900005917163,2.8745905707196044,84.1631513647643,102.19526627218934,5.967627409811032,22.019660240503914,7.233258080335977,1.6760954762359233,707,28,121,16,31,234,110,169,0.08,0.858,0.063,-0.1779,2,0,4,0,0,0,36.0,0,3,0,1,4,6,0,2,12,1,15,2,1,3,1,26,24,16,0,4,10,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,11,8,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,5,4,13,3,12,19,4,9,0,0,2,0,9,3,0,9,4,85,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748801295227408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902190922448545,0.1304497039706972,0.10476975130928452,0.11333772556805367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761030472295699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360968955340025,0.0,0.13899547567936293,0.0,0.16034932780462907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078801775479168,0.0,0.0,0.1334878065833458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292224819708588,0.0,0.3990525814380712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127114108176233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453892092750195,0.0,0.0,0.064374507052554,0.09095416897543876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3986526955089594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219988838289564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691289639466936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498403846750903,0.12907786356215534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494946144518214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153698443667145,0.08826448898879394,0.11116692311213523,0.0,0.1397541105634266,0.0,0.0,0.12193298916657415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734988384599338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124634038679382,0.12746495626928694,0.0,0.1014539145101057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920545538179889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691654296240383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165534980882542,0.0,0.08643882009319108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105706267141794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380681534454842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198696303029937 bpd,merenofclanthot,2020/02/01,"So I’ve completely self destructed by now My drinking cost me my job in November, and I’ve hardly made any effort to find a new job, besides some side jobs. Rent is due today, and I have 70 bucks to my name. It’s 600. My roommate/landlord is extremely strict, so I’m probably about to be homeless unless my friends can lend me some money, but I doubt it. So this is it.",2.542121212121213,3.8095019350649366,4.433181818181819,86.1364393939394,75.10389610389609,7.730735930735931,27.119047619047624,8.344100000000001,1.7470969696969698,287,11,62,5,6,98,56,77,0.073,0.899,0.027999999999999997,-0.5088,4,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,1,1,0,6,1,0,1,0,10,8,7,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,9,1,7,6,2,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,4,36,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769505820278812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431351923390931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271666647444155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21194582114499472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791598046124819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077304033890456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6903534769549915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194225774377644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22396351446500096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500196630270055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419147678072256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21980726303653356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SpookDaddy-,2020/02/01,"Extreme undiagnosed quiet BPD at 22 years old?? I feel stupid for not getting this diagnosed sooner. I'm 22 years old and have had this illness my entire life. My family consists of people who do not believe in mental disorders unless it's EXTREME schizophrenia where you cannot participate in the real world. I am learning now, that my mental illness is real. My family has always wondered what is wrong with me. Their medication? Man up. Deal with it. Shut up. You're acting like a retard. I believed them, however I couldn't handle living with them anymore and I moved out to my aunts. I cannot deal with this either. She does not understand BPD. NO ONE FUCKING DOES. BPD is so unbelievably complex that I cannot believe it's recognized as a real mental disorder. I am very grateful for this as it means that my existence does not have to consist of suffering and torment. I CAN receive treatment now.",2.8236470588235285,5.690412600000003,4.314411764705884,79.2698529411765,81.82352941176471,6.6941176470588255,27.323529411764717,7.908726449838941,2.292141176470588,722,32,119,14,20,239,103,170,0.131,0.821,0.048,-0.9356,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,3,0,4,5,2,0,3,0,15,6,0,0,0,24,22,7,0,1,6,1,1,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,13,8,0,0,6,0,0,3,9,4,0,1,1,2,21,1,19,20,1,18,0,1,0,1,11,9,1,1,7,85,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945029173843143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661311634067397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633538874348688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40618508949139465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22165972268777034,0.0,0.10911228653560996,0.0,0.0,0.2464132549638005,0.0,0.2822272241995126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20268667243629565,0.0,0.054356250955549065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099383884437973,0.05616536802267561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593185533672075,0.052520056419036766,0.0,0.09492625243607657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171012141491224,0.0,0.10829697450570427,0.3250102516696508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425763336504155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22561057061973866,0.0,0.07284615034888517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452836431075763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670824989331236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191339319551744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870042431941806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658135403701313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753658198877258,0.0,0.1384555514784783 bpd,meows8,2020/02/01,"I’m going crazy. Everything is setting me off. Specifically things centered around my relationship. I’m feeling like we don’t talk enough or like when he has the day off and all sorts of time and he doesn’t text me like he used to I start thinking he’s not interested anymore or talking to other people. I even accused him of talking to his ex yesterday because she was on his 6 Facebook friends that pop up when you go to their page, I full on convinced myself they have been talking and that he loves her and wants her and not me. I have ZERO grounds for thinking this and he even told me I can just message her and ask so I’ll feel better about it but I’m not going to do that. Why do I feel this way? I have completely convinced myself he’s not into me anymore, but we spend most of our time together. We haven’t talked or had as much sex as when we first started dating I guess, but still I know logically I need to chill out, but emotionally I’m a wreck!",2.7530213567839183,4.2464845879396975,4.025449120603017,88.35465609296482,74.97989949748744,6.784045226130653,26.50785175879397,7.413659706084162,1.2261580402010055,759,28,163,9,16,249,117,199,0.046,0.857,0.098,0.7842,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,5,1,2,2,10,9,0,0,2,0,14,2,0,1,1,40,36,20,0,2,12,1,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,8,14,0,0,7,0,1,3,7,0,0,2,4,3,33,9,21,32,6,28,0,0,0,2,34,11,0,6,15,111,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722360004526224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218418423691052,0.12831293784996206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366809659735605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138904021808986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439070589357045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885167686996471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15439104373352605,0.0,0.14181894027705616,0.0,0.18130849780924796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335406037185966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081975773851228,0.0980535023401118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674725038163575,0.0,0.0,0.10604125348221856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23401196572424335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511995482448706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754306067941737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20116450855882925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387610494773378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089667726826967,0.1017712895001553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515388217057512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473582538785637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194296624366706,0.0,0.1096103467644218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5515934276148592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911847309274294,0.17589223824239378,0.0,0.0,0.16006654464863748,0.0,0.0,0.1311510320146844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854244121749336,0.0,0.0,0.08095531912542751,0.10894496692958107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384939791294225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Tibbersbear,2020/02/01,"I hate feeling so invalid... I don't know how to cope with not being paid attention to. It's not like I'm always alone, but I feel like I'm always alone. I don't know if this situation I'm in is just bad because my bpd tells me I should be upset, or if it is really actually upsetting and would be upsetting to another person in my shoes. Today I've seen my husband for a total of an hour since 8am. In small bursts. I haven't seen him since 10am. He's always on his computer and has been ignoring me. This is typical. It happens a lot and sometimes he'll get off and spend ""time"" with me, but that's still not satisfying because he'll be on his phone most of the time. We barely talk, and if we do he's gotta be joking about everything. It's never a serious talk anymore. Or he'll seem bored and I'll end up having a conversation with myself. It's very frustrating and very hurtful. On top of feeling ignored by him because of his screens, we haven't been alone in months. We don't actively date like married couples do. And if we do go out, he seems so bored or just doesn't seem to want to do the things I want to do. The last date we went in we went to the mall and most of the time he was on his phone browsing Facebook. I'd like to do certain things with him that aren't just typical dates. I'd like to have a good conversation with him. I feel so alone and I don't know if my bpd and fear of abandonment make it worse. If my anxiety makes it worse. If my past experience with relationships and always questioning if someone loves me make it worse.... Or if this is something that any ""normal"" person would be upset with too. I'm just tired of waiting on him. I wait for him to get off the computer. I wait for him to answer me in a conversation. I wait for him to decide whether or not we can have a date or what he wants to do. It really sucks. I'm currently waiting for him to start taking things more serious. I told him a few days ago how I'm tired of it and he didn't seem phased. I'm just really sad and trying to tell myself to get over it...",1.6794483777627285,3.1488818564920287,3.7671378439943375,89.18669519177494,77.81548974943053,7.388314966447085,23.02659607215416,8.186683628785799,1.1010377516468632,1601,49,367,29,37,548,175,439,0.233,0.72,0.047,-0.9981,1,4,1,0,0,0,49.0,8,0,0,1,13,27,3,5,15,0,37,4,1,5,3,98,86,37,0,16,27,1,4,5,0,7,2,0,0,2,21,30,0,8,15,2,2,3,14,18,0,0,10,7,48,9,54,63,6,40,0,3,3,1,47,18,1,23,24,230,69,2,0.0,0.0,0.07962555187432722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232959126504393,0.0,0.0,0.3380338050100715,0.0,0.0,0.2715763593016736,0.0,0.0,0.05548781758706653,0.08556011886836347,0.062420423661377726,0.0,0.08092092665910887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812893193660034,0.1492197923244211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055336464213076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028399822751863,0.0,0.05262242272246437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722694977921296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733328792360929,0.07981617038891453,0.0,0.091817754047144,0.16502878249925085,0.05829192508221421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789102642929254,0.0,0.04637266950793046,0.06843853225453912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721547346318105,0.0,0.0,0.0805587789862211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035524655111266,0.0,0.08734979558995891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345284515661774,0.06651131826989909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19931748454086448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936967567919163,0.07364323004029852,0.0,0.16339712382627972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512884301492218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293157003397769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994638026167941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789224915477834,0.0,0.14249229093441002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140576506454504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681672485957698,0.0,0.0,0.08760315634152738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971263407675765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349934751222132,0.09171689222064262,0.0,0.0,0.06913570148900758,0.06281629236113001,0.08070015159899496,0.0,0.057753797676831815,0.0,0.06516236513066821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613497492776872,0.1311669323012596,0.14263633144572574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262550680015356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273718132672414,0.18756431706286145,0.07734310418275289,0.07796810873860666,0.0,0.05539806786017617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464985880438227,0.14438162691315806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512799088450225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494587138683766,0.11592637043610618,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,modbrimstone,2020/02/01,"is anyone else incredibly uncomfortable with porn bc of how insecure they are i really don’t wanna bring it up to my boyfriend because I don’t want to be controlling and make him think he can’t watch it but it makes me sick to my stomach to think about and I feel so ugly and unattractive because of it i don’t know what to do has anyone else dealt with this?",4.156400000000001,4.805338506666672,5.206666666666667,84.45000000000003,70.6,8.666666666666668,27.0,8.841846274778883,1.7761999999999998,288,9,62,5,5,95,50,75,0.228,0.757,0.013999999999999999,-0.9599,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,9,3,1,4,0,16,17,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,2,9,0,12,16,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,42,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449925972692447,0.5055405189341473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30076843817977805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27669169504342883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4121674244355173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473743025430087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557823542715505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293443649181048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804043378488172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31614698992556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550829937530682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,selenawhat,2020/02/01,"fuck everything rn?? I don't make enough money to cover the $340 student loan payments i have to start making on the 24th and i just don't even know what to do anymore??? I've deferred them for as long as possible but it's not a good option anymore if i want good credit. but my income is already barely enough to cover my expenses anymore. besides the money issues, my roommate is driving me fucking insane. i get we're all mentally ill in our house and i try to be patient to everyone's behaviors but she recently started the pill and she's constantly ready to fight 24/7. she's already aggressive and bitchy as it is but it's 100x worse. if. I would have known this would be our problem, I would never have asked her to live with us when she needed a place. I don't even know what to say to her anymore. i decided not to engage in her conversation starting now besides basic responses but it's gonna be hard bc she never stops talking. it wouldn't be a problem if 99.99% of what comes out of her mouth is negative or problematic. this is the exact reason why i can’t hang out with my mom all the time bc she always has negative shit to say too. I don't know how to handle this anymore we have 6+ months left of our lease still and i work with her in a small office. I'm just soooooo done. she's not even the biggest of of my problems but she makes everything else so much more stressful and worse and i just need to not be around her. any tips on how to approach her about any of this or tips on how to cope with someone who is this negative pls help me",1.8505555555555588,3.781289611111109,3.4448395061728405,89.60077777777781,78.81481481481481,6.418765432098766,24.38024691358025,7.42949916751922,1.0833217283950618,1230,44,260,17,30,407,164,324,0.22399999999999998,0.735,0.042,-0.9969,2,0,0,0,1,0,26.0,5,0,1,1,16,13,5,1,11,0,27,6,2,7,5,63,46,26,0,13,18,1,1,0,0,5,2,2,0,0,14,16,0,1,6,0,5,4,15,9,0,0,1,3,42,4,40,35,6,31,0,0,0,2,30,13,3,6,14,181,56,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20595838925291016,0.0,0.07764839924850883,0.0,0.0,0.12691944834985994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4627339755892417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307317655574135,0.08724012364585307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038555401559787,0.0,0.10084405773966687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549714094130436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795556377061284,0.0,0.0,0.19284574248563027,0.0,0.18490780468394535,0.0,0.0,0.08916974734551825,0.16773715354631705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254274721145174,0.04875502176020765,0.0,0.0,0.15654212289013933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359497280418074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254936842888631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076769250486962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740018336775448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385608591785627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013907340592492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240187264983938,0.08258386325354862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18687230566821747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404301648450544,0.0,0.0,0.10929340315650933,0.07448587083235071,0.0,0.06859977448752791,0.1383888488310235,0.14394583351508033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749788485895332,0.0,0.0,0.10520249479588337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678793689152806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594687572853226,0.09214067962652688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842110283084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579001491948383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906839262958046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981537694220324,0.0,0.07452420905345063,0.07801837585953557,0.10689593237741472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500580944320487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054414719905486617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335708015033302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225056670109226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504162065519942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420535737419979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793691962466998,0.0,0.19019888044530406,0.1988721798509911,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,itslonelywhereyouare,2020/02/01,"Undiagnosed but I'm pretty sure My gf broke up with me two weeks ago. We had only been dating for 6 months but I finally allowed myself to admit that I loved her. She said she was scared of me. I had become like Jekyll and Hyde with her. We broke up on the phone. She did it in the most kind and compassionate way I have ever experienced. She begged me to see a counselor for my 'poor broken head'. To 'please, please, talk to somebody about my anxiety.' I did. They recommended I consider DBT. I looked it up a few days later. I saw what it was used to treat. I read the stories. They were my stories. I am scared. I don't want to live like this anymore. I'm not suicidal. I am just so tired. And scared. And alone. I want to try again with my ex. But I don't want to do that to her again. I don't want to do that to anyone again. And most of all I don't want to do that to myself again. I was with an beautiful, kind, wickedly smart woman and most of the time all I felt was intense anxiety, depression, sometimes nothing. And love. Please tell me there is some hope. I hate weekends. I get so lonely. I try so hard not to let my codependency text and call the same people over and over again. I know it's overwhelming. This is such a hard thing to process alone. And there is so much stigma out there. I'm also in the second semester of a PhD program in a city where I know almost nobody. My anxiety is telling me I don't belong here. That I'm a fake. That nobody likes me here. And the few people I have shared small details about my break-up with.... well my anxiety keeps telling me that they don't like me anymore. That they know I'm fucked up now...",0.0675927464008872,2.3114775726744163,1.9083554817275759,95.96875968992248,88.68023255813955,5.1366555924695465,17.783499446290143,6.655083550727371,-0.1370349390919161,1271,33,292,16,42,417,159,344,0.21600000000000005,0.6,0.184,-0.8609,1,4,0,0,0,0,52.0,2,0,4,0,23,26,2,4,14,0,28,5,1,2,4,49,55,19,1,6,6,1,3,4,1,0,1,1,0,1,16,19,0,1,5,2,1,0,8,11,1,2,13,8,57,15,39,41,10,30,0,5,3,3,28,13,1,6,20,203,73,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580704509519764,0.0,0.09693086219336307,0.20051047878808195,0.0,0.07741064145768119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962058551303734,0.0,0.19199847480236196,0.06768456277108173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690760318799873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884326080774444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062427763251404984,0.0,0.08337339274547187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756082115316723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294283980037264,0.10603928001196067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948971236827641,0.0505738194661185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734269377897911,0.09556960934501332,0.09934436288397128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614388940986852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603997251106586,0.0,0.20160386951721926,0.1595956607555853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898419580330717,0.0,0.18916566882384614,0.0,0.08547586034438713,0.0,0.08128732252658538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473091857710696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772645534398359,0.0,0.0711588772826732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288187046703268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362049228963133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421737182370586,0.0,0.0,0.3187708268004163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848003947765063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968258407638519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207862967596836,0.0,0.2907399956554327,0.0,0.07713678469549698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957373244661324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588310085493688,0.0,0.09123252021752534,0.0,0.0,0.07780388827119197,0.2538214701033161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430938316101595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05644465167782061,0.11125695259003288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314412102688679,0.0,0.09455918802214967,0.0,0.0,0.08360381387937822,0.0,0.0,0.2854746942611946,0.07683505286992191,0.07764683667934114,0.0,0.08703450638922115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WeepingWitches,2020/02/01,"I lost my Star and I feel like I'm dying I don't know how to cope. I had to have a medical abortion on Friday because of the meds I was on and couldn't keep my Star. I only went on the meds because I spiraled and cheated on my ex. All because I'm not over the ex that I have been on/off with for 3 years. It hurts and I feel I've lost everything. I've become sober and am trying to take steps in a positive direction but I don't even know what that is anymore. Has anyone had to deal with so much loss and just mess at once? I didn't get into DBT and dont know how to deal with this. Please someone help me.",0.3613043478260849,1.6519685362318874,2.661666666666669,96.46250000000003,81.02898550724638,5.759420289855073,20.195652173913047,6.42735559955562,-0.08328695652173934,470,12,119,4,12,161,82,138,0.109,0.805,0.085,-0.2686,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,5,7,1,0,5,0,14,1,0,2,1,24,27,11,1,1,3,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,11,0,1,5,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,8,2,15,1,18,18,2,11,0,4,0,0,5,8,0,0,2,73,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019896868512368,0.1129487842337529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954100728292851,0.1784023315075329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330702655772949,0.0,0.0,0.16764746527980087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893174085730933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669211388133563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517692900159596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633535467970672,0.1154003873457873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439518833969557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827327193182214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292618542687707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357942036943286,0.0,0.0,0.2663256599927023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891767131849897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.352668308032459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588571649903647,0.1627291671326384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874655530685795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17202913198349254,0.0,0.12285438153641992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17731653946000567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686778606130642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214539547326117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967142499164316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974424033627967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040230194787028 bpd,punchmyowneyeY,2020/02/01,"I hate myself so bad today and the only thing stopping me from spiraling out of control is beating the hell out of myself I keep getting heavier and heavier and I’ve been eating healthy and exercising. I literally disgust myself. I just chased my supportive husband away. He doesn’t understand my illness and just keeps telling me I need to do more. I’m a huge piece of shit and I just want to be alone and unconscious. I hate myself thoroughly and I can’t do anything except lay here and wallow in my disgusting misery. He finally left and the only release is feeling my fist hit my face. Why can’t I just be a normal human being? Why do I have to be such a scumbag.",2.489971081550024,4.782400819548872,4.369924812030074,81.95452862926552,78.3984962406015,6.7990746096009245,28.27588201272412,7.882392219407189,2.100547021399653,531,24,97,9,13,180,80,133,0.29,0.642,0.068,-0.9888,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,7,8,6,0,6,0,14,5,2,1,0,26,26,11,0,3,5,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,12,1,4,2,1,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,1,21,1,12,20,2,9,1,0,0,0,5,6,2,0,3,73,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914703339024736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15213286809307275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369214703679295,0.0,0.1543593469408316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20734825626140668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891689213949768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347620155241217,0.0,0.0,0.20251686069860209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658733207789527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650431662787752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286432183539851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20086260136171386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707931219537609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811340747123419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812050587272957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18976715929447105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545602177019912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20978912642527045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16158517641585166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281990588547455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752358463968924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924569615243228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904155306250536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33363417846231896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yougoaway,2020/02/01,Has anyone had a favorite person that was ASPD? Not really sure if I'm borderline but I definitely do have the pattern. My favorite person displayed some ASPD traits. I was willing to put up with it because my FP gave me the attention. FP was definitely manipulating me but I did it right back when I realized it. It was a huge falling out. Made me realize that I probably have a personality disorder and my therapist and I are trying to figure it out. I do have the pattern of destruction as this has happened in my past relationships (although this is the firs time with an ASPD) This has been the worst implosion I've ever experienced.,3.4637327823691457,6.047763355371902,5.896219008264463,70.7491769972452,76.60330578512395,9.322589531680439,30.744490358126725,9.725611199111238,3.725230853994491,510,25,86,16,12,180,75,121,0.155,0.726,0.11900000000000001,-0.7131,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,9,0,18,0,0,2,2,19,22,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,10,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,9,1,14,1,10,12,2,13,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,2,5,73,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429496911507187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967872134247378,0.0,0.13451609468454628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25290263417615233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19960525180921326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19513443152170504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087997363233348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21065089957470054,0.0,0.5780317604158962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379155341500561,0.0,0.0,0.22183052445720391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136444690574085,0.0,0.0,0.2369129648863635,0.0,0.18844776736562865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20797532425322146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562105180707057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867226189811926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498178953114815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,a8bruv,2020/02/01,"Quiet BPD vs AvPD It seems to me that quiet BPD is awfully similar to Avoidant Personality Disorder. How does one differentiate between the two?",4.967866666666667,8.401619120000003,7.484000000000003,56.24866666666668,77.8,11.333333333333336,36.333333333333336,10.504223727775694,5.796333333333335,118,7,17,5,3,42,22,25,0.10099999999999999,0.899,0.0,-0.4019,1,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7450979396921908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390117215090389,0.0,0.2588560347444241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20044131829442186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582806130428349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692846502129321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889530173378256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Scadeau101,2020/02/01,"I ruin every relationship I just have so much fucking insecurity, self hatred and depression/anxiety that I manage to ruin any good thing I have. I have gotten attached before and it fucking hurt so badly when it wasn't mutual. So now I just avoid people, avoid intimacy. I just don't want to get to close so they can hurt and abandon me once I'm attached.. I just feel so inferior and like I don't deserve anything either. I don't know what's wrong with me. Abuse in my childhood fucked me up, I can't trust anyone and now my emotions and everything are all over the place with this disorder. I hate it. I didn't ask for this 😭",2.191380208333332,4.255747460937503,4.334062500000002,82.98802083333338,78.296875,7.079166666666668,23.947916666666664,8.07648339933343,1.4624510416666665,497,17,99,9,12,171,79,128,0.38299999999999995,0.563,0.054000000000000006,-0.9941,0,2,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,12,18,4,3,1,0,11,3,0,0,1,21,22,12,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,9,0,3,2,0,0,0,6,15,0,0,3,1,19,3,9,19,3,9,0,6,0,3,4,5,3,0,5,69,27,1,0.0,0.20781702403720487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927612394162912,0.0,0.13417839289572064,0.0,0.0,0.1226418141191161,0.0,0.1443369669030322,0.0,0.16397272342347527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644935200289544,0.0,0.0,0.14925011524729465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010204093416338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729826420763094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777972231655512,0.0,0.1576357112808761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868610431663868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4864557095668707,0.0916378079775001,0.0,0.0,0.1471148661193389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316844173713702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3755327024248429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639372484783006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569022183121963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893713785435335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18679231450715872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159834748753115,0.0,0.1832527630663317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18831097325236035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829775527345911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652611899737447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034538244937927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19176932529437626,0.0,0.0 bpd,bhsangel,2020/02/01,"DAE start feeling bored with their FP once they start giving the same energy back? Just a few months ago I used to have panic attacks about them leaving me and finding someone better but now that all’s well and I know for sure they won’t and they even start to get kind of possessive, like they’re even more into me than I’m into them, I’m getting a little tired of it... I’m drifting away from them without really knowing what changed in me and I don’t know what to tell them about that because I know that I used to be so much worse than they are rn and they had to put up with so much more some times ago...",5.309867109634553,4.4722000310077545,5.40954595791805,89.10209302325585,68.06976744186046,8.301661129568107,27.730897009966768,6.868970318607317,1.0743966777408644,480,12,110,3,7,151,82,129,0.12300000000000001,0.763,0.114,-0.4797,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,10,1,10,8,1,1,3,0,6,1,0,2,2,24,22,8,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,3,1,0,1,1,18,5,21,19,8,17,0,0,0,0,12,6,0,1,10,76,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272447644346528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748277632658766,0.1443829404556376,0.1181667686760904,0.0,0.09367899591674346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591325565409354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256802032504214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030020846258878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777028154295438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045637926308602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057793347695315,0.14741928691320758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16002910740071985,0.33782355728131513,0.0,0.0,0.1627198832151911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507795660180698,0.15402295579598188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226621051500808,0.0,0.2259379572912599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365910815054235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18030477521240226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448605494806156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984482895932377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020852656212933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263163634810273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448370888048031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343189274989019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896092644171661,0.17662707424954935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26545212137944785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817249047731892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813744108102556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660819167382786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RedPandaParliament,2020/02/01,"Was I being crazy and out of line, or holding him accountable and being honest? I run a group and we have bigger get-togethers four times a year. I invited my best friend, my FP, to it a month ago, and reminded him of it a week ago. There's only 4 of these a year and he knows they're important to me. I text him reminding him of it 2 hours before it starts. It starts. He's not there. He texts me saying sorry, he forgot about it, and is occupied tonight or else he'd be there. I tried to just let it go, give it time. I had a lot to drink. I get home later and I start texting, saying I really wish he would've been there and how much it means to me that he's there, and that if he was with other people they would've been welcome to come too. I got emotional and said something like ""I'm sorry whatever you were doing was better than what I could offer"" and that I constantly can't figure out why I'm not good enough for him. He texts saying he's bad with dates and I need to stop with the comparisons to other people. And that after all he just went off and did something alone anyway that night. I told him we must have very different understandings of friendship because he put together an event and invited me, I'd make sure to be there and support. Anyway...now its morning and I feel awful for blowing up at him, and I know it's mainly out of fear that I've just pushed him away even more. And I can't guilt a guy into coming to something. But was I being emotionally honest and holding him accountable by saying what I thought? Or was I just being a BPD crazy and now feeling guilty? Tl;dr: My FP flaked out on coming to a big event I put on last night. I called him out on it, but I can't tell if doing so and how I did it was just being emotionally honest or was a BPD episode.",2.969984239558705,3.8425365106383036,4.4969621749409034,87.62518518518522,73.52127659574468,7.591646966115053,22.968479117415285,7.921354282810032,0.9341063041765164,1392,34,307,19,27,467,179,376,0.054000000000000006,0.852,0.094,0.9165,1,1,4,0,0,0,41.0,2,1,1,2,20,14,0,2,12,1,32,1,0,3,3,73,59,33,0,6,15,0,2,1,1,1,0,5,1,1,24,36,1,4,8,1,2,9,5,3,0,1,19,7,46,11,39,29,7,48,0,0,0,0,40,15,0,7,25,210,70,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943378938620546,0.0,0.0,0.09898152941584183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979100840749589,0.0,0.07979682245509824,0.05825848596393265,0.0,0.0813228927606034,0.0,0.10029464838822752,0.0845237549714298,0.0,0.0,0.2407337297947435,0.0,0.09758748955499487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24697485832493554,0.0,0.10327704265674877,0.0,0.0763047387484116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985013930632583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936220570471172,0.0,0.0,0.0798363360749775,0.32250961191069233,0.0,0.09874918968590192,0.0,0.063122976405176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754263731514233,0.09664596290257703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738370194713725,0.0,0.09986259131020787,0.09167929665982932,0.054314541125300465,0.08015944551259152,0.07643592961283192,0.0,0.0,0.0946291647089252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586433941773673,0.0,0.09411703897459847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504536677384288,0.07790217319385898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772663401760183,0.0,0.046690595240521285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125005833192023,0.0,0.0,0.06379360872104882,0.0,0.0,0.10410357042245068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762829325961549,0.0,0.07025482705467309,0.0708638236317125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937163704970638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268516804926242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251218407718215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921481667419614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061224485182763425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090880084601342,0.3040038830605864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22072299035128964,0.0,0.21396521758792697,0.2029344688809068,0.0,0.0,0.07990066358154987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845151917353194,0.09007344093109933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353225048803757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587177581314705,0.1114550817330596,0.0,0.0,0.09132107539810126,0.0,0.06488564637278754,0.0,0.0,0.09949157141025493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788551249167983,0.0,0.0,0.07666035905231795,0.0,0.0,0.08859419694384309,0.08623691351167492,0.0,0.1099005967438122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578014122050713,0.0,0.0,0.12308768408979845 bpd,redchairwhitetable,2020/02/01,"Do you have people (friends) that don't believe in BPD? So Im diagnosed with bpd for 5 years now, was in a hospital, have all the symptoms: the bad, the good the ugly of bpd. and sill sometimes when I talk to my friends about some struggles I have they say that everybody has the same things and it's me that's making up the disorder and the problems. it's really frustrating",3.247543859649124,4.763830421052635,4.255263157894738,87.11517543859651,73.73684210526315,8.224561403508767,28.456140350877188,8.841846274778883,2.1507614035087723,296,12,62,6,6,96,54,76,0.21600000000000005,0.7120000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.8977,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,0,4,7,1,1,8,0,7,2,0,1,1,9,8,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,6,3,8,7,3,6,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,3,44,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147930414182628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20439980937172605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6854817663941519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18413891805676272,0.0,0.0,0.20792466002016674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28033147148744353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521676760183603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19596626104007533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110020374806313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577476656805578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17359579333889685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622320446588187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427359149652644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17943041907264115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18966105451451767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18856631594406054,0.0,0.14581966182812522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052832722483435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682944358369222 bpd,hitwonda,2020/02/01,"Ghosted again. I get attached so easily and if I find someone who I like even a lil bit, then boom I want to be with them. I think only about them, they have to talk to me all day or they hate me. I keep running into girls who when I do this ghost me or we actually do get together and I end up not liking them as strongly after three dates or so. I hate this condition so much and I am so alone and stressed.",-0.36269662921348456,1.6194253707865194,2.067516853932585,96.09138764044943,87.42696629213484,5.3577528089887645,19.0123595505618,6.742157984588678,0.00195640449438228,314,9,76,4,10,107,60,89,0.18600000000000005,0.7190000000000001,0.095,-0.8607,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,5,1,8,6,2,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,17,12,15,2,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,1,19,3,9,11,3,10,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,4,9,58,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.2368339635836943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25135739715866595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26495857531618444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651730698718244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21495451152824696,0.0,0.0,0.16029684673243216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218175713891765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25359479868004603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.479219408334701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21571724004351786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371356870460297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17840773496341378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845794337663442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20563351616857006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780047210756372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19506793822321555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550827178894258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314698471195295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,stardustkiddo,2020/02/01,"+18 mental health support chat for all! All you need is a telegram to join, it’s a free app and it’s accessible on pc. Once you make one, comment under this post with an emoji and I’ll send you the invite link.",0.2353333333333332,2.340510755555556,2.3422222222222224,94.3,85.8888888888889,4.488888888888889,17.88888888888889,5.6839178017228535,-0.4759777777777776,164,4,37,1,5,55,38,45,0.0,0.7809999999999999,0.21899999999999997,0.8439,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,1,2,8,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,5,4,2,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,21,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035165205516801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533981752194345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825659776191949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814821728594721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4042811195394219,0.2572391970485505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635694126924046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43078636887461375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ghanago,2020/02/01,"Struggling with Dissociative Episodes? I go through dissociation spirals at least once every month, the longest time they've lasted is months but usually for about 1 -2 weeks a month I enter a bad spiral.. They happen as part of BPD and also other chronic health related issues that make it worse. I Usually end up having bad dissociated episodes after periods of high stress or crisis, or a lotttt of emotion at once.... In this, I stop being able to read people's faces, I can't feel connected to anyone, my senses start acting up and light looks really intense, sounds sound louder and I get a lot of ringing in my ears, taste dulls and smell increases to the point where I end up so overwhelmed I hermit in the dark (which makes dissociation so much worse because I don't see people for days) I can't help it though. Everything just becomes too terrifying. I lose executive function and forget I am on the bus and end up in suburbs far from home, I forgot how to talk properly ... the worst times it's happened -- I woke up one morning knowing I was in a spiral and I went for a walk to buy cigarettes to attempt to ground myself and half way through walking there I had a really hectic deja vu and then all of a sudden I couldn't tell where my conciousness was and became really aware of the fact that I was perceiving a reality and I couldn't tell which reality it was? I had a full blown almost psycotic panic attack and strangers on the street ended up coming to help me. This has happened a lot, but anyway -- sidetracking..... I'm in one right now, and everytime I end up in one I feel like I'll never get out of it and I'll be in it forever and it freaks me out because it feels like I am stuck in a fishbowl and everyone is far away ... I have severe body dysmorphia as well because of my dissociation and depersonalisation issues- I need to take photos of myself every day from multiple angles to prove I am alive? To prove my body is still functioning while ""I"" am gone? I'm not sure if that makes sense. It's not vanity based at all, it's almost a OCD behaviour that I developed as a way to self regulate when I'm fazed out. How do y'all deal with bad episodes? Do you force yourself to interact with the world to ground? Or do you wait till it's over and passed through you? How would you explain dissociative spirals or episodes to other people? (Asking so I don't feel alone in this weird world)",5.1485671417854455,5.916216661733611,6.177135647548251,77.9518700129578,68.4291754756871,9.23218986564823,29.42296937870832,9.370254747372089,2.4897847507331368,1903,67,367,37,31,634,242,473,0.17,0.7879999999999999,0.043,-0.9966,0,1,1,0,0,0,54.0,0,5,1,2,19,17,1,4,22,0,28,7,4,6,7,67,59,40,0,5,10,0,4,2,0,1,2,4,1,1,22,25,1,3,9,1,1,10,9,13,1,4,11,13,45,4,68,43,10,80,0,3,2,0,16,40,0,9,30,246,67,1,0.08174635132433691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16371432523067914,0.08466456656236905,0.0,0.06537252761992897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715894954331641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642180354197578,0.09299827591787928,0.07680338799454807,0.0,0.20476436642533616,0.14949545107534346,0.09028242255308656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18160353585118252,0.10295666782631252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041724334929822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054392677945678,0.08427689874515007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195364248179444,0.36201501835406297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774965336395276,0.07811214185332871,0.07346834953515224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653336457304707,0.1167992194395992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541818922147883,0.0,0.0464583353030262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21686408551392009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689254882604719,0.0,0.0,0.10958571230714284,0.08636950836028938,0.08199825556839198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17064390482754144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044925656836077736,0.06663418686950562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987427617874468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864634676776718,0.0914532572250731,0.0,0.1389956492375284,0.0,0.0,0.1636989728394477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957474731642064,0.0,0.06009297407912261,0.06061388370273925,0.06304782564403398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741143924962503,0.16618032980871433,0.0,0.0,0.09591173004377744,0.0,0.08852333236047392,0.0,0.17001788154829053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772767247573149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176847304796069,0.0,0.15710641767998074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698109373765085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514125826971205,0.0,0.0852792726480536,0.09235010882268667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05786048821352688,0.0,0.06528274176368225,0.06834361006645444,0.09364016924993704,0.08545903543995101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704496869485772,0.0,0.06146308273695459,0.06570462069774871,0.1428998283475107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031537512726536,0.0,0.09533390968792853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800641138924646,0.0,0.0,0.1297728974036106,0.06557199216848332,0.0,0.07349978718270495,0.07577968665930862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661303157134733,0.05807026256340921,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SugarinCoffee,2020/02/01,"BPD Groupchat? Feeling so alone Having a personality disorder can feel so isolating, and a lot of times I find myself unable to or uncomfortable talking about my BPD experiences with neuro-typical people, or even people with mental illnesses that aren’t personality disorders. I was wondering if anyone else struggles with the same thing? Maybe make a group chat or something to support each other and freely discuss the struggles and successes of life with BPD. I primarily use WhatsApp but whatever works for you guys would be fine with me! I just really could use some people to talk to who actually understand.. <3",8.486315086782373,10.069230074766356,8.567690253671568,60.8620560747664,61.33644859813084,12.095594125500668,37.71562082777036,11.765960540728905,5.252453671562082,506,24,73,16,7,165,81,107,0.10800000000000001,0.804,0.08800000000000001,-0.2869,1,1,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,2,5,5,0,2,5,0,7,2,0,3,0,28,15,10,0,3,6,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,4,9,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,8,3,13,11,4,1,0,0,0,0,10,0,0,7,1,53,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.1303641284890047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835848340339202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340891819151333,0.13687827898162466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5047540781852959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066603839325256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062103917148501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159692565883406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823463665262833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306762119338675,0.0,0.0,0.13509377894216398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209842684779725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227465560621254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435824858410444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357305664588375,0.0,0.0,0.08917206074268907,0.0,0.1342086567914978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462684395735405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27784251662293985,0.23329048134428415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558088531298075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284376077535888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793136022937787,0.0,0.0,0.15159583615447966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21474843707228586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875095981561909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789713983606701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13907143093244625,0.0,0.2307569552475233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448721664407449,0.09725478211091483,0.0,0.0,0.09489818214791616,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Zecel,2020/02/01,"My boyfriend left me to ""punish me"" and teach me a lesson... It all happend yesterday. My boyfriend came over and we were supposed to spend a lovely weekend together at my apartment. I admit my apartment wasnt the cleanest (my boyfriend and I have had some problems lately that has drained me completely, so i havent had the energy to clean he knows that and said it was fine) there were some dishes in the sink and some clothes on the floor. My boyfriend wanted to clean up, and i ofc helped him so he didnt have to do it all himself, because i would never allow that. When things are good between me and my BF things are really, so i tried to be a bit playful, initiating cuddling and trying to have sex, but i kept getting turned down and got told to vacuum the floor and clean up the table instead. I know its silly but it kinda upset me, and then i felt guilty for being upset so, i got even more upset. My emotions are always the highest or the lowest, and its truly exhausting... i was really scared i was gonna ruin the night so i decided to just be quiet, and clean up a bit by myself, and i went shopping by myself. My BF didnt really seem to care and just started cooking. After dinner my BF was really upset at me for being quiet and he said he considered to leave. I started crying and then told him he could ofc leave if he wanted to. He then got up and packed his things, so he could leave. I was standing in the hallway and i kept asking him over and over if he really was going to leave me... and he did. It was okay he was ofc allowed to leave, and i made sure to tell him it was alright even tho i was crying and i really hated being left alone, but god, it fucking sucked and it really fucked me up i had hoped he would have stayed with me.. i threw out the cake i had made for him and i decided to go to bed, so i could cry myself to sleep. Later that night my BF rang on the doorbell and asked to come in. I was a bit hesistant, because i was kinda splitting (he left me alone so he could stay away kinda thoughts) but i eventually let him in. He told me he left me to prove a point about me having to trust him when he says he isnt going to leave (even tho he left and basically made me quietly beg for him to stay with me) and that he left to punish me for telling him to leave. Nothing else happend that night i still went to bed.... now its morning and things are tense between us... i dont know what to say or do.. he is cold and questioning our relationship.. its really fucking me up..",2.1188878143133465,3.744787141199229,3.713970019342359,89.36329545454547,77.00773694390716,6.556866537717602,22.388297872340427,7.348242739294969,0.7301415860735005,1940,55,417,24,44,645,198,517,0.161,0.757,0.083,-0.9917,2,2,0,0,0,0,65.0,3,0,0,1,22,26,7,5,18,2,50,11,1,5,5,85,95,53,0,12,10,0,1,0,4,3,1,8,7,0,23,36,3,2,12,4,2,8,7,15,0,0,41,10,76,11,60,41,9,61,0,1,0,6,55,31,4,13,18,296,99,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400194172936545,0.0,0.0,0.04981158005808914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192937511448978,0.0,0.05624412684911114,0.0,0.0,0.0729849844145206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19606769994706189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846838070011381,0.06103525986091761,0.0,0.0,0.05156746949215051,0.06276618496597777,0.0,0.0,0.19118588738315895,0.0,0.1972731273387938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701600726497039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05000862662095287,0.0673388566185516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861867090011825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057478754600493176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602969828120928,0.03127642930371292,0.0,0.10206614208870952,0.050211018915210605,0.14363594519832645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591032309170415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04012552613102604,0.0,0.0,0.059458383643068234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869894054858724,0.0,0.06752911334225299,0.4437107601827681,0.3902539690929462,0.06121491781535439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054029528318608674,0.16993407596004212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046170748396352115,0.0,0.0,0.16853471109665466,0.0,0.057441049260773286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056590757559325314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728169011327105,0.0,0.0,0.06706129496678047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068028990398019,0.0,0.0,0.06427145052931563,0.0,0.0,0.11388860014310545,0.0952123896631423,0.059934230898333524,0.0,0.0,0.05449786773991857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05990715663849756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474398652476409,0.19142093231940827,0.04780740673933489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05642103955969986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046474157216102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908372333621354,0.0,0.0,0.04752526849610167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160763331819087,0.0,0.08128734914559596,0.06511475854971414,0.0,0.0,0.07200892927492912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061858635407968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098891390975099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505122753203084,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sugarlesssupreme,2020/02/01,"Just so tired of the ups and downs In a week I have about 3-4 good days where I feel happy and relaxed almost to the point where I even question if I have BPD. I can manage my behaviors and things seem so easy but in the back of my mind I know that tomorrow could be a completely different story. There’s no gray area in my emotions. On the days that I don’t feel well, I’m suicidal. Everything I do is wrong, all I do is hurt people, and I crave all the worst things. My FP doesn’t understand when I tell him I’m depressed. He tells me I have nothing to be sad about which is a mind fuck for me cause then why do I feel so sad?? I’m at work and I’m just trying to hold it together but I’m just so tired of feeling like this. Thanks for reading this",0.65490909090909,2.213645884848489,2.573939393939394,96.20090909090912,81.06060606060606,6.33939393939394,20.090909090909093,7.3011,0.2276545454545457,581,15,144,8,15,194,96,165,0.21,0.645,0.146,-0.9588,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,16,13,1,0,8,0,15,3,0,1,2,27,29,14,1,2,6,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,8,2,0,0,3,7,1,0,0,5,20,6,17,26,3,18,0,4,1,1,5,11,1,4,8,95,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438194653663533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087051416233117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815978423237351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811924783998298,0.0,0.0,0.15117679621082808,0.0,0.0,0.11512118328912642,0.0,0.0,0.1859767213910791,0.0,0.12418761642645168,0.0,0.0,0.15064419821197048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621903993306432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523381975600746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295855240495644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916200957360145,0.10300686047410584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332980907665964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093679069705075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534892045225084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435462448849338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924112656959205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704422380670867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911745129731133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835083019525665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996076050721883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630284248755645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16152187245923166,0.0,0.14422551340401102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126196931848186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771662255798466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25205070292405063,0.13274755206072306,0.0,0.0,0.19158220016315008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33144232945413704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978931651092326,0.0,0.0,0.15010322577484206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565770868530555,0.0,0.1296409746491597,0.0,0.1301058845034409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049694852422192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764529695066576,0.0,0.0 bpd,aDADiction,2020/02/01,"Anyone else have experience with Duloxetine? I’ve was diagnosed with BPD ~4 years ago, I also have PDD/MDD. I’ve tried just about every medication that they give us, but this one... God damn. Only been a few days but aside from possibly the worst side effects I’ve ever experienced (Spiking anxiety and increased abandonment sensitivity - which I know sounds terrible, but is nothing compared to the physical side affects) this drug is insane. I could talk about things that I previously couldn’t after a SINGLE day. I had an disagreement with my SO this morning and I barely reacted, I didn’t reach anger and I just felt sadness and a little worry. We spoke about our feelings and resolved the issue almost immediately! Normally for me, I take something said in anger directly to the heart and would have likely been distant for days, which usually makes small issues into huge ones. Again, aside from the WILD side effects - I feel pretty positive about my relationship, which is something I only really feel when I’m in ‘loving mode’ as my partner puts it. I feel more normal already and I feel excited for the first time in such a long time, that I might actually be able to control this curse, or myself. I’ve been advised that the side effects will taper off in a week or two and honestly I almost don’t believe the effect it’s having on me. Maybe, just maybe, there’s hope for me and people similar to me yet.",5.294545454545457,7.080735121212125,6.140575757575758,74.54836363636366,69.0,9.067878787878788,29.86666666666667,9.516144504307137,2.9355248484848486,1128,44,193,25,20,371,163,264,0.175,0.721,0.10400000000000001,-0.9748,0,0,3,0,0,0,33.0,3,0,1,7,15,13,3,0,14,0,20,5,1,8,1,49,35,18,0,6,8,0,6,1,1,3,3,3,0,1,14,14,0,2,12,0,0,2,3,7,0,4,9,10,27,6,26,20,5,32,0,2,0,1,12,14,1,6,17,134,41,1,0.11360516529776267,0.0,0.11086225358850578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070412449302757,0.0,0.2275183256271633,0.0,0.12536612487747356,0.09085000964420507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690764050177698,0.0,0.0,0.07943537302785678,0.11640191708487495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799411822132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143081728755188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741785292471924,0.09070448035382957,0.0,0.0,0.21979779988866865,0.0,0.0,0.11530685140728622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174592449249714,0.0,0.0949025381098664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276237603028444,0.0957172515139672,0.0,0.0,0.11112765078331824,0.0,0.0,0.28721092513917496,0.0,0.10907877435481203,0.0,0.0,0.09663249556705134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898042636844103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346226678653933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128355626001757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371485540446019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062434427815908064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05550174534593542,0.11386222077614602,0.0,0.10053699634245207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253309712301724,0.0,0.07583232999482244,0.0,0.22826331622731136,0.0,0.0,0.11444525216793545,0.0,0.12051712750552075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22261788266263874,0.10900722005145484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539636002611019,0.1728036949075162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787595173931581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807275438347915,0.0,0.11557729490198515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142045690814544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277837791625877,0.0,0.0,0.12196943198354425,0.0,0.0,0.10806452751925684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17491761298484956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541694596665142,0.09131152857916364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547422383245796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324881709473282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713044999827819,0.0,0.11097573901976852,0.0,0.1366530260181423,0.0,0.12512003955862513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112721104393062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537155988583135,0.0,0.08070184993610288,0.0,0.0,0.07315800176010635 bpd,TyurgenKam,2020/02/01,"BPD and its effects on cognitive intelligence? There are a lot of studies indicating that having BPD will prevent you from being able to fully utilise your intelligence, the constant stress, worries, anxiety, and the extremely sensitivity, you will never be able to use your intelligence to its max potential, even if you are gifted. Anybody else relate to this or find it to be true? So let's say you were supposedly born with 140 IQ, but with this personality disorder, you will inevitbly lose about -5 or -10.",11.381333333333338,9.800857022222226,11.147222222222226,55.2175,56.55555555555557,14.777777777777779,44.72222222222222,13.427899808715575,6.202555555555558,412,20,65,13,4,137,67,90,0.126,0.782,0.091,-0.6715,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,7,0,2,4,3,0,1,3,0,11,0,0,2,2,15,12,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,6,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,7,1,11,4,1,4,0,1,0,0,9,1,0,4,3,49,13,0,0.41274319764710704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578737082361126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.519835608675932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22301438347462293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23651973144863306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17239698979190746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630649468605402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18861990258798295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21102894190068486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23087703127296885,0.0,0.17544975340157334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916649941823532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801957199690833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411497853394855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363979691955311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17823880103936254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095803761211135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sadbpdcat,2020/02/01,"Therapist left me and bpd crisis I'm not okay. I'm writing this because I really want someone to tell me if I'm just overreacting, or if it's valid for me to feel this way. I've been having weekly appointments with this new therapist for the past 6 months. Before I started seeing her, I saw another therapist in the same hospital for 6 years. With that therapist, I formed an attachment quickly, but his appointments were extremely infrequent and I would only get to see him once every 2-3 months. So he would bring up difficult subjects, I would get triggered, and then he would leave me high and dry for 2-3 months. It destroyed me, I had no way of coping with the triggers, and I felt abandoned and rejected by him. I wanted help but it was not available. By the time I left therapy with him, my arms were covered in scars, and my ability to trust was destroyed. I left with more issues than I could have ever imagined. Then I started seeing this new therapist. I was fortunate enough that despite working for the same hospital, this therapist was able to see me once every week. She knew about the infrequent appointments with the previous therapist and was well aware of my history and diagnosis of Bpd. For many months, I refused to trust her. I didn't want to form an attachment. I tried to push her away, and kept an emotional distance. I was terrified that the same thing that had happened with the previous therapist would happen here too: I would form an attachment, the ""real"" issues would start coming up, I would start getting triggered, and that's when she would decide to leave. I spent 6 months trying to figure out if it was safe, if she would stay. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but she was consistent. She knew I was afraid to connect, so she would tell me to connect with her. She knew I was afraid of getting attach, so she encouraged that. Finally, in December last year, I took a leap of faith and started letting down my walls. I started trusting her. I formed an attachment. And of course, my issues started coming out, I was in pain, I was getting triggered, I was drinking more and coping in other unhealthy ways -- but I was okay with that as long as there was someone to help me through it. At the start of this year, exactly 4 sessions after I had started opening up to her, she tells me that she's leaving the hospital. This is information she had known for a while, she hadn't known she would be resigning when she took me on as a patient, but she has known this for months. So for months, she encouraged me to open up to her, to trust her, she encouraged connection and attachment, all the while knowing that she would have to leave. I feel betrayed and deceived. Had I known that she was going to leave (my absolute worst fear), I would have never let down my walls and even attempted to talk to her about my issues. The only reason why I was even able to trust her was because I thought she wasn't going to leave -- she had been consistent for 6 months. I feel misled now. She repeatedly gave me signs that she wasn't going to leave. After she told me she had to leave, I was distraught. I didn't eat for 4 days, I couldn't stop crying, and I wanted to kill myself. I was in pain. I still am in pain and I don't understand why this happened. Being left is my worst fear. But sometimes... life happens and people have to leave. While that can still leave me distraught, at the very least, I understand that circumstances change and loss is a part of life. This, however, felt... careless. It's as though she was careless with my feelings, and I was put through so much pain for no reason. Either she had no idea what BPD involves, or she simply didn't care about the damage that encouraging attachment while knowing she had to leave would do. I still have about 4 sessions left with her before she has to leave for good. I don't think I want to see her again... I'm struggling with losing her. I'm struggling with what feels like a betrayal of my trust. I don't know how to cope.",5.139461538461539,6.0325689461538525,5.448717948717951,82.7146153846154,68.51282051282051,8.923076923076922,30.0,9.110194879830821,2.4016923076923082,3158,117,618,57,52,1004,270,780,0.18100000000000002,0.7040000000000001,0.115,-0.9956,1,1,1,0,0,1,111.0,0,0,0,4,28,44,3,8,27,2,79,10,2,7,4,129,145,53,1,26,16,0,7,1,0,15,6,0,0,0,35,41,2,7,28,1,1,10,16,26,1,0,55,13,124,18,102,69,17,94,1,6,6,0,65,29,0,6,51,453,159,3,0.07505754057060701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03935218783790124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03525951505461656,0.0,0.0,0.045754380072937584,0.0,0.06386843877650644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417985172523658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03826308246729355,0.0,0.039700462824493056,0.06465542515274006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0299636693289837,0.0,0.041223591943113945,0.024202952156317736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03676390752753169,0.0,0.03840130106963824,0.0,0.04221481533658139,0.0,0.03877725177736811,0.0,0.049574797662361586,0.03394692128570385,0.06323921513591667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446060038033554,0.09487836934813976,0.02681056099042369,0.07206700954194754,0.041110933455750606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803616765599626,0.0,0.06398539501196578,0.031477351974866404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274627049050686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05030948729942571,0.03965120627889007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042365413634488536,0.0,0.15668114358893542,0.0,0.0,0.04152002397078114,0.0,0.06187449206001167,0.03059095668076839,0.0,0.4768505880657831,0.20387559361341065,0.07675142053740369,0.053015360620204406,0.018334661509990725,0.0,0.0,0.03321178074096415,0.0,0.041985094461589184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03804828269588464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396408511710073,0.0,0.027587964275350898,0.0,0.028944501219327193,0.0724910403962315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993383109457029,0.0,0.05708464182626001,0.15973303023442129,0.0,0.0,0.04064000106701702,0.03582545770619346,0.026017724002971955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03772677965263595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04271595667809698,0.024041891223849757,0.07717165252231335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495278552555924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635960105545499,0.0,0.0371169134203366,0.0,0.2390675109071257,0.04000067576235935,0.0899115732831967,0.031375732385608465,0.0,0.07846643814363656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0301642039907744,0.0984053981305911,0.0,0.042917419486006116,0.3485903586476353,0.024932447404534302,0.0240469206534946,0.036871826261336435,0.02979365160221122,0.021883327751736573,0.0,0.0,0.035860348267726105,0.08339168929902102,0.050959143141081735,0.0,0.0,0.07813754678034078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030965165816151007,0.11067720525591032,0.08936577309601162,0.06020663164468625,0.0,0.03374287151061177,0.0,0.0677277559113531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027321391733197833,0.0,0.0,0.3998904248648657,0.0,0.0,0.07250189290400859 bpd,hamstersausage,2020/02/01,Is anyone free to talk? I’m really just not having a good time right now. I keep trying to convince myself I’m not as crazy as I think. But I am.,-2.287272727272729,-0.5060445757575707,1.2870303030303027,97.59054545454543,100.8181818181818,3.852121212121212,9.630303030303027,5.6839178017228535,-1.4675406060606062,111,1,27,1,5,40,25,33,0.073,0.7020000000000001,0.22399999999999998,0.6033,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,7,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,4,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31333738255626953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3758635455292457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983115008515537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870784837250585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826938137618833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601835589312784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871385389438016,0.0,0.0,0.261303592605685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042454815359451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lacefilms,2020/02/01,"I really REALLY need someone’s advice. I don’t know how i feel about my boyfriend. i don’t want to be with him but i don’t want to leave him and it’s making me so anxious. We met about a month ago online and it felt as though he was perfect. i had just survived my worst suicide attempt and my life had been a nightmare. we started talking and he made me feel so normal and okay. he’s talented, understanding, fun to talk to, very loving and most importantly is extremely understanding when it comes to my mental health. from the beginning i was okay with his flaws (not physically attractive and clingy) but i was still head over heals talking to him until i started getting really anxious. i got back to my old self and started to feel weird with affection, talks of commitment terrified me and just having to not be alone would make uncomfortable. i talked to him about them and he was understanding but i still feel anxious and agitated. i want that painful solitude i had before him back and now i’m uncontrollably focusing on his cons and i’m nitpicking and completely ignoring all that’s good about him. i am aware that i may be splitting but this has been happening for a week and i’m starting to feel like i hate him. i don’t know what to do and i’m extremely confused . please help. ps. he’s my first boyfriend ever",2.051294871794873,4.689134873076924,3.4476923076923107,85.78064102564106,82.96153846153845,7.1589743589743575,25.205128205128197,8.238735603445708,1.901835897435897,1057,43,207,24,30,345,134,260,0.184,0.609,0.20800000000000002,0.6748,0,1,0,0,0,1,21.0,2,0,1,4,17,16,1,2,4,2,23,6,1,5,4,60,57,27,1,6,8,0,6,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,8,22,0,1,11,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,13,6,39,9,26,39,3,21,0,0,0,1,26,2,0,3,19,139,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929330374643114,0.09007221163803453,0.0,0.0,0.10523857488045893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443752529718105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626550521006366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646366033936577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752906484947888,0.1065374261786826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191316173815624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568884180675499,0.0725910726296493,0.0975627016109384,0.0,0.0,0.0864304479647158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053087666231160326,0.0,0.0,0.08522666661890138,0.08126777136694828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985446225774005,0.0,0.0,0.10032003863480077,0.1042824219014106,0.10800797048252232,0.0,0.0,0.06810785585235375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168573331121946,0.0,0.0,0.10759160567402963,0.0,0.0,0.07177100648216406,0.04964210729447848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170808912207946,0.09614698892749886,0.13565255069114546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240020597377064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110510275502568,0.0,0.0,0.07534342875477969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955741704992753,0.0,0.0,0.10662387778218407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812149737600103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153860130305036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19528423958841887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600265831056936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609485312094396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876837651790738,0.0,0.16229369585062214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111461775488991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4083562301236387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983250328407936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173425764268967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383989434433049,0.17979878260767626,0.0,0.08150638795038682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218169209672086,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Charles7890,2020/02/01,"Finding happiness I can’t really think of anything that actually makes me happy. There’s basically nothing that makes me experience joy, such that I don’t feel emptiness anymore. I’ve started volunteering, and it helps a bit, but I can’t find anything that works. Hobbies don’t do much for me, and I find myself incredibly bored by them. Any suggestions would be appreciated.",5.3624019607843145,7.961414750000002,6.703529411764709,67.18754901960787,70.61764705882355,9.827450980392157,34.86274509803922,10.125756701596842,4.27640392156863,305,16,49,9,6,103,49,68,0.07400000000000001,0.732,0.195,0.8053,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,2,0,11,12,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,9,3,3,10,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,31,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.19282625798576647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437279839514135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19596321925710308,0.0,0.0,0.3252111405652109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157248471729638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19328787180200332,0.0,0.0,0.09991102680048572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5418004867112354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4206915572928315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244516554262875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637951864395344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452565983702516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18959973891539536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658575684340168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986023868402392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661223787819864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385303628406093,0.0,0.0,0.14036730475882192,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,drunkninjalol,2020/02/01,"Memory, Focus, Motivation issues nootropics stack advice Hi to all! I am a 21 years old man from Italy suffering from bpd, dp/dr and anxiety, at the moment i am taking daily 100mg lamictal and it made wonders for my almost permanent 2 years derealization and the good old anxiety symptoms and mood swings are more menageble, i microdose lsd for my bpd related depression (it's not actually like a real depression but my brain just doesn't like absorbing dopamine in some situations, actually some days i don't feel anything positive like for 50/75% of the time and get bored really fast and then have some dopamine release bursts, depends if i am motivated or stimulated or something good happned but some times it's random, but you know what I mean guys, and there lsd helps but i can't take it every day sigh.. ) and just started a couple of weeks with htp-5 400mg, 1g phenibut wich made more wonders for anxiety and derealization, helps a little with impulsivity too, hopanteic acid 2,5g don't feel it much but get better blood circulation and maybe a little memory boost (?) but i am still having trouble with memory long, short term and even recalling images, about concentration even on lsd days i can't really focus on things even if it boosts my motivation and creativity and on days i am not on it i start to depersonalize as always when the only things i am motivated to do is smoke weed and watching scrubs in the evening lol, so i was asking you guys what stack of nootropics could help me to enjoy doing my hobbies and stuff again (i would like to go to univesity but for now i feel like a retard), i can ask my doctor for meds like modafinil and maybe adhd prescription drugs but i would prefer to avoid amphetamines if you know what i mean. Thanks for any response !",8.472075504828801,7.726610226865678,8.720965759438107,67.63591747146621,61.65671641791045,12.300263388937664,35.526777875329245,11.557038098267885,4.119853380158034,1426,53,255,37,17,472,185,335,0.10800000000000001,0.735,0.157,0.9744,0,1,3,0,0,0,33.0,0,3,0,5,14,19,0,1,11,1,22,5,2,8,1,66,43,33,0,7,17,0,3,6,0,2,3,0,0,3,13,19,0,1,14,0,0,1,7,6,1,0,3,5,28,11,31,37,9,33,0,3,1,0,12,10,0,14,28,158,41,5,0.0,0.0,0.17623147719462814,0.0,0.108518082205313,0.08823607392494395,0.0,0.0,0.09041826527122072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513339286867804,0.0,0.0,0.0614042843628167,0.0,0.20722826799971986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430580292932343,0.0,0.1688288888691238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985935449811522,0.0,0.0,0.227448961227884,0.10080004762364857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209390050945096,0.09991065681896248,0.0,0.2329334509248177,0.0,0.15554339188242378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242164366831193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047145359946568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385582680949765,0.0,0.07607816042567403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696890681544038,0.06450738377280481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943517249468855,0.0,0.05131722076940347,0.1514717744786939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881420466719616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18157024422929569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424542312881372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924849157982156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646839907882332,0.1810003559779841,0.0,0.07990899880091487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088026085490146,0.0,0.0,0.1814286653300289,0.1967173355631472,0.1002983499192702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637785011869554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895006411747305,0.0,0.0,0.0686740739803048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277646229188288,0.11569168614971195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149633515416637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951416809119049,0.0,0.0,0.12782375554836614,0.0,0.07211039417722352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336716196777042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385197707662496,0.1357825055679495,0.0,0.0,0.08313230056976728,0.0,0.0,0.11997712048576938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530448967565843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242989608756961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19584402697396835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828718311435428,0.0,0.0,0.11629515278162696 bpd,LilMeMow97,2020/02/01,Can’t have a real relationship with people I’ve been diagnosed with bpd recently and wanted to know if anyone else who has it sees people as things to entertain themselves with. I can’t have a real connection with people. It’s like I just secretly or sometimes openly judge people and I don’t even know if the people I claim are my friends are really my friends. I don’t know what’s real or not. I like to think I have an idea I do but it’s all negative. I don’t think I have actually ever had a relationship with a person that was genuinely wholesome. I feel like I don’t have anything to offer anyone and everything I say to the person means absolutely nothing to me.,5.667573529411764,5.675532375000002,7.264999999999998,73.25500000000002,67.16176470588235,10.623529411764707,30.970588235294123,10.411451182825502,3.176517647058823,537,19,102,13,8,187,71,136,0.042,0.853,0.105,0.5346,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,7,0,18,1,0,0,2,31,27,9,0,3,7,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,2,7,9,0,0,9,1,0,0,8,0,0,0,3,3,16,6,12,24,1,3,0,0,1,0,10,1,0,4,5,74,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.12724900125446512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18235371472042056,0.13360749230422567,0.10730590653479162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423089457878084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235056301341014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893025173219448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612621831046538,0.11795186633068087,0.0,0.0,0.11719272799057093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659328169694003,0.0931558912096336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20148933464626853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720273346742732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149889162353815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19111667229942145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204093887384706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511977189783094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520055114864692,0.22771586860059745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4452621876850933,0.08353587991399203,0.0,0.12875164954264234,0.2799959030435872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369720461073784,0.0,0.0,0.10390980346867912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289663110688839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663020362894708,0.1671067103089538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691173411767492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hannjuschka,2020/02/01,"Recently came out (lesbian), just got diagnosed with BPD, my best friend is ending the friendship and probably moving out. can‘t handle this Hi, So I think I am going insane. I just came out as lesbian, which was so hard to do and so stressful yet relieving. A couple of days later I went to my therapist (I am in therapy since 2013), she diagnosed me with BPD. Finally knowing what is causing so much pain is very nice on the one hand, but on the other hand it scares me because I feel like i won‘t be able to live a happy life. My bestfriend(+roommate) is hating me, telling me I am a burden and making everything about myself, that I was talking shit about her behind her back, she tells me that she doesn‘t care how I am akd what is going on in my life . At this point she is barely home, always angry when I complain how dirty she left the flat. So I gathered up all my guts to tell her that I can‘t go on like this with her anymore. She has always been very manipulative, treating me like shit. She lets out her anger at me because she knows that I love her too much to fight back. But I am sick of it, I don‘t want to lead this toxic relationship, no matter how much I love her, I deserve love as well. I am having the 3rd panic attack at work today, I am tired and worried. I don‘t know how to handle this loss, how to handle it that she is moving out. What helps when everything is too much? I am very suicidal right now, I want to hurt myself, I don‘t want to go through this. TL;DR: Basically the title. I am overwhelmed on a whole new level. I am anxious all the time, I am restless. I don‘t know how to break this thinking pattern.",3.917948989031324,4.845953389057751,4.9449266552134254,85.08751552795034,71.34042553191489,7.545447337121715,25.85449980177085,7.7425588080867325,1.302826774150919,1271,38,261,15,23,417,161,329,0.22399999999999998,0.614,0.162,-0.9849,0,0,0,0,1,2,47.0,0,0,0,4,24,30,6,5,11,0,35,17,5,10,2,41,59,21,1,3,4,0,4,3,1,1,7,0,1,0,20,14,0,0,7,0,0,10,9,16,1,1,7,4,58,14,38,49,8,45,0,3,0,5,30,20,2,0,17,200,78,2,0.0884340307986793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14716839585400618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990528305641297,0.08770279561934866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060647678469976,0.0,0.13600062195447052,0.0,0.10781712871975384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280605937708816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22275913202185652,0.0,0.0,0.2022899442781437,0.09016438821844756,0.0908461099051626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785057303659034,0.0,0.057032633900315786,0.0,0.0,0.17951735947787062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832630267664692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15895760924525865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04471490311712998,0.06317728927253136,0.0,0.09687515811867754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832391282496136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20103639066371576,0.0,0.07072877303216173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413967020931492,0.07921952138174189,0.08731029685974967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05927546673499001,0.0,0.08870654336121189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467045900611552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194404122308994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608383321724698,0.09042978808054826,0.12492714251621075,0.12961320141839286,0.0,0.0780888693817848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394454964726711,0.0,0.05903040225962165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879827587994763,0.2600367519481077,0.0,0.0,0.08541013801269025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05992518795989104,0.0,0.0941000438325643,0.1037582809658793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359874350960682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534684243562314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731793665272683,0.09494505356564624,0.0,0.07552217910673706,0.0,0.0,0.08853789227088536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155252356734808,0.0731535441287263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130088349248592,0.0,0.0,0.0967324762697456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107992413442905,0.2318857224172064,0.0,0.10113202132049584,0.102678725809595,0.0,0.11332991225227093,0.0,0.0,0.051566594526347015,0.10164190923161627,0.08382512087733753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21890201090954,0.15648204783537747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951281418815577,0.0819792325330176,0.0,0.0987334372254164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064381027665662,0.08980905096606745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,razzmatazz2003,2020/02/01,"Extremely stressed. Is it all my fault? I’ve been diagnosed with BPD and I’ve had it since I was a young child. The doctor thinks I have it because of how my parents neglected and abused me my whole life. I also have PTSD from several situations from when I was younger. I’ve had a very rough life and have been disowned from my entire family. I was homeless for two years, half of one of those years I was pregnant from an abusive ex boyfriend. My homelessness ended with me moving back in with my abusive parents and shortly after, my current boyfriend and his mom took me in to give me and my son a better life. I’m extremely appreciative of my boyfriend and his family. They helped me get on disability (SSI), food stamps (SNAP), and Medicaid. He and his family means the world to me. Here’s the issue: It seems that no matter how hard I try, I can’t show them that I appreciate them. Sure, I buy them things, cook and clean for them, but I just can’t stay emotionally stable. I’m on 300MG of lithium, but I still get easily triggered and end up throwing tantrums. I’m also in therapy and see a psychiatrist. This month has been especially hard because my boyfriend’s and my close friend died on January 7th, just 5 days before my son’s first birthday (who got adopted), my boyfriend is grieving and so am I, Medicaid messed up my insurance so I can’t see a doctor for two months, and my food stamps went from $83 to $16 while I barely get enough disability money to function. Oh, and my brand new car stopped working. I’m extremely stressed and I know I’m supposed to keep it together to support my boyfriend through his tough time of losing his best friend, but I just can’t. I can’t stop fighting with him because he wants support but I can’t give it to him and vice versa. Any thoughts or advice? Is this all just because of BPD?",3.3513881278538804,5.109567778082199,4.220205479452055,86.47597031963474,73.95890410958904,7.606392694063928,28.331050228310502,8.344100000000001,1.9203351598173517,1449,59,297,25,30,466,181,365,0.134,0.765,0.10099999999999999,-0.8683,3,0,0,0,3,0,45.0,0,0,5,5,14,17,2,2,9,0,23,9,0,3,3,49,47,31,2,1,9,6,3,0,2,0,6,0,1,1,13,23,3,4,5,2,2,5,7,10,0,5,13,5,54,7,36,34,5,36,0,3,2,0,28,11,0,2,19,184,67,3,0.0,0.311817815393813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572343548769963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030661545714526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05965571647852104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745478017851306,0.0,0.21390433698764053,0.0,0.07464714869454024,0.0,0.09206152508054363,0.07758525418109329,0.0,0.0,0.2209720524413642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056575091017382714,0.0,0.0,0.08903859296952886,0.09104425476646942,0.0,0.0,0.17957963123805729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867833496194686,0.15539586373414296,0.09064293209107173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480967547341299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461847527198022,0.21215379891378586,0.0,0.1355515718769744,0.0,0.13749740293608584,0.16830680409077886,0.0,0.0,0.07016135321465834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571679694947677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05879993078158245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156166055695174,0.0,0.07797362939856899,0.0,0.0,0.04821113002167009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18588737644704054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814135586421788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955577751499006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274195730357684,0.14004183124974506,0.0932373359028767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472493731081941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944443963416232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19481550916792445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254532903574363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398102506848274,0.07986115472697246,0.0,0.09910379541497297,0.0,0.07256667164558038,0.0986060933108504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350272055227647,0.07005695571294353,0.14668333879175047,0.20097639936271428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19909760715785324,0.08267936998264214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032069220193003,0.0,0.05828030696781904,0.056210362928974966,0.0,0.0696435104382628,0.051152902807955314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746522617807793,0.05955922531173484,0.0,0.171388317961641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238195832898843,0.05174222483655331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132155618478235,0.0,0.09794135068792684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386453247703319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298349511207925 bpd,Feedthechickenn,2020/02/01,"Meds + TRT (M23-BPD) I know this topic gets talked about a lot and it can be hard to treat BPD because it’s a personality disorder and not a mood disorder. I’ve been on Seroquel XR 200mg at night and Prozac 20mg in the morning. This has worked wonders for me. The Seroquel knocks me out (9-10hr of sleep) and it keeps me mildly sedated enough during the day, that I almost have a idgaf attitude which has helped me make more friendships and gain more confidence. It can take a couple of weeks to adjust, so it’s best to start off with like 50mg and work your way up from there. The Prozac I find is the one antidepressant with the least side effects of all and if you miss a dose or stop, you don’t have any withdrawals like Effexor.. This combination has truly changed my life. I feel I am more in control of my emotions and that it’s even reduced my anxiety. Another benefit of Seroquel is that it basically kills any high. So if like me you have substance abuse problems, then when you take drugs on Seroquel, you really don’t get high at all. This has helped me stay sober from drugs and alcohol. I have also started TRT (150mg Testosterone Enanthate) not through a doctor though. Self administered and this has also helped massively. I feel like I’m getting to the point that I am actually better and that I can handle anything. My romantic relationships are still my biggest trigger and can cause lots of distress but I feel I’m better equipped now to explain how I feel and lay out my insecurities. I can happily admit what’s making me unhappy in the relationship, no matter how embarrassing or irrational it may seem. I now feel that my emotions are valid and I can feel the way I feel without apologising for it. I no longer self harm when things get to much because I feel like I’m worth it and that I don’t deserve to hurt myself. The chronic suicidal thoughts and emptiness that I use to live with on a daily basis has significantly reduced. I feel like it’s because of the medication I’m taking. I hope someone else can relate to this or that it provides some hope that there are meds out there that work.",5.697202965708987,6.247483607228914,6.159819277108438,79.32897822057461,67.14457831325302,9.276181649675626,32.34708063021316,9.265573868473778,2.71752826691381,1687,68,330,30,26,546,208,415,0.133,0.742,0.125,-0.7689,0,0,3,0,1,2,37.0,0,6,0,9,17,22,1,3,19,0,30,11,1,9,2,70,65,32,2,5,9,0,10,6,0,1,10,0,0,3,32,22,1,3,18,0,1,0,8,8,0,1,2,10,42,13,39,61,12,33,0,2,0,0,17,18,0,14,18,218,74,4,0.0,0.09440141316538307,0.07775094988292264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851479534744266,0.07978263728493305,0.0,0.0,0.12743155254498614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836296698160157,0.08354580103395033,0.06095087716850545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556543531877351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457067526874735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361361317461256,0.14093147871440015,0.0,0.0,0.20069482554267631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184779682504104,0.0842851986210618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936187725094738,0.0,0.08815846742885748,0.0,0.05138354781226269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826280672129793,0.08155036432017483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184794561555936,0.0,0.06655793334068946,0.17924647937353827,0.0,0.08232519561504954,0.0,0.05262434453274478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625730015608342,0.17075872401360154,0.0,0.0,0.07282117233213789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665068319120055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137282264918791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602126837274483,0.16836125118012987,0.0,0.15826977873463027,0.0,0.0,0.08529334389942418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081847580352994,0.08814817808545841,0.0,0.043787095345380174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05627655047240882,0.23355001081742244,0.0,0.07035416180318227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547304979788555,0.0,0.0,0.10636687417193172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770011147168826,0.08026381187122253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05857002369917332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747692469927019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053989594204570654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695688174860625,0.0,0.0,0.07531828254116776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076237864740795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051041610924948064,0.0,0.0,0.17108147970003584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253279470633253,0.1662360399559605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973217437858501,0.0,0.06750805909736679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127882324961969,0.08492255912762653,0.06362826588032483,0.06661156187758017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715111821930982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797162281128477,0.06403945303731128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293228673152589,0.0,0.07827992367990001,0.06325275989956054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688133026720585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648403233349895,0.06391018574406611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680350427941303,0.08640374221743691,0.17401224809518226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,deadasdisko,2020/02/01,"Shopping Addiction Help? Today, I broke down crying and I felt incredibly lost, disappointed, and angry because an item I wanted sold out. I knew I’d been a bit obsessed with buying and collecting things, but my reaction to something that shouldn’t have been such a big deal worries me. I obsessively browse for things to buy or add to my collections, and I put way too much weight in material objects. It makes me very anxious and upset to think that I’ve missed something good that I could have bought. Shopping with the intent to buy is exhilarating. Shopping gives me something to look forward to and I hate it because it never REALLY makes me happy. It’s always temporary and no matter how much I buy it’s never enough. I don’t want it to have so much control over my life. Does anyone else have experience with obsessive shopping? Or maybe any advice to help me improve this situation? :(",5.158645785352373,7.070206928143714,5.883473053892215,75.76142330723171,69.53892215568862,8.491754951635192,30.211423307231694,9.057496981413335,2.7388649470290187,715,29,123,14,13,233,105,167,0.218,0.657,0.125,-0.9179,0,0,3,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,4,11,1,4,4,0,10,3,0,5,2,30,24,12,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,12,12,1,1,3,4,10,2,5,9,0,0,7,3,18,2,17,15,6,11,0,4,1,0,4,6,0,2,4,83,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517096778458548,0.0,0.13598978763539538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579588354338427,0.0,0.0,0.09463652697768392,0.0,0.0,0.1572160986744128,0.0,0.0973069459916028,0.14259031747890008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16966658648097005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193142185821376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560846466795546,0.11111140584549513,0.0,0.15286549869811206,0.0,0.1434723293562173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178365641610092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625395335003133,0.0,0.0,0.14379396970718852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612943328350605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361959540684365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349912083948906,0.0,0.11672445026076204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814303336138032,0.0,0.13739597973656473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865578544413496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829589268993258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686300064681687,0.0,0.15191432221016032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857865622821682,0.0,0.13980928985003865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069054188317767,0.0,0.2146642446668046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989860451346064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915224312939724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642655491592652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214065359848175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849092146806597,0.08917089328176359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191152731937664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482515937203155,0.16416547300686318,0.11046217976117018,0.0,0.1694646815271587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132814788747344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yellowposy2,2020/02/01,Why is my favorite coping mechanism threatening to lose 10 lbs I usually don’t actually do it but it’s nice to feel cared about and I hate myself for being like this,2.799607843137256,4.762084058823528,5.141764705882356,78.38460784313726,76.05882352941177,9.239215686274509,26.03921568627451,9.725611199111238,2.7031686274509803,134,5,26,4,3,47,30,34,0.203,0.514,0.28300000000000003,0.5499,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,7,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,3,4,6,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.3758938017512154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927309785028028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947656719225156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802993509590973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881863428408111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4309335831614411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4242367967687637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34757769285316664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LostintheUnknown,2020/02/01,"New diagnosis, same symptoms I just got diagnosed with BPD today. Im still trying to understand everything and honestly im scared. I like having a word for what im feeling but BPD isn't a well known disorder in my area so im having a hard time finding support. How do i know when someone is my FP? Should i feel guilty if it isnt my partner? Also is this mental standpoint the reason why i can't walk away from a relationship where im unhappy?",0.8238833992094854,3.2223190760869582,3.5761660079051403,84.31982213438734,86.5,6.8237154150197625,24.66798418972332,8.00094639256281,1.8326391304347824,353,15,70,8,11,124,68,92,0.156,0.718,0.126,-0.5675,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,5,0,9,2,0,2,0,16,15,7,0,2,3,0,3,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,3,8,4,6,13,1,10,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,6,43,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562774178931532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240975181929418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327110246638454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406275216355645,0.0,0.0,0.15138001493189293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870882367443418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357154967173407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072262848997105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563985563760483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832156057114035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7133683787078591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259005965909697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452970174924735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310987608464972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756780957511735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580462660976478,0.0,0.14180907319880556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223939504367044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191457206043527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548266743491527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988766261105954,0.0,0.13728612912242014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701939914904397,0.0,0.12520044231871588,0.0,0.0,0.08967654806442273,0.0,0.0,0.13750438169817633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875962005387765,0.0,0.11918550791690212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lilithsspawn,2020/02/01,"I just had the worst mental breakdown I ever experienced I met up with my friends yesterday and we had a lot of fun, however my dumb ass decided too drink more than it should have, and I had my worst mental breakdown ever. I threw up a lot, but in my head it felt like everything happened thousands of times over and over. It felt like torture.",8.674068627450986,6.3268104264705896,8.520588235294117,74.34598039215689,62.38235294117647,12.007843137254904,38.84313725490196,10.504223727775694,3.8389843137254913,271,11,54,5,3,88,44,68,0.191,0.6709999999999999,0.138,-0.631,1,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,0,4,8,2,0,3,0,5,3,2,0,2,15,10,4,0,1,2,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,4,0,1,7,3,10,4,9,2,5,10,0,0,0,1,3,5,2,2,6,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22236383499480875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4106509950120537,0.0,0.0,0.20400402238055496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4358920935255341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17537195114157464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20072655338270248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329572800361163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217917474436088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38595765002567867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4575051676751478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235972475668925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,conni995,2020/02/01,How do you accept your consequences I though my ex was out to get me so I was violent towards her. Now she wants nothing to do with me. I was very paranoid that night and I didn't get any reassurance what so ever. How do I move on from my ex,-0.3950314465408802,1.5955819811320815,2.326698113207545,94.1144496855346,87.67924528301887,5.79748427672956,20.154088050314463,7.1686216300943375,0.3891031446540881,187,6,45,3,6,65,38,53,0.158,0.794,0.048,-0.7168,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,7,3,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,2,1,8,10,6,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,0,13,2,7,6,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,3,37,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25173524220214066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348492003207248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38680777047011344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934429878860605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473890578166837,0.0,0.3551979029042493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363700184592961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054374481877798,0.21834188356445472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kaylareecelayne,2020/02/01,"DAE get jealous about your partners friends? I don’t know if it’s just me, but I get super jealous about my boyfriends friends. I always feel like he is prioritizing him, thinking about him before me, and caring deeper in their relationship than ours. He loves me and is so sweet so it’s just me over reacting but I’m just wondering if this is normal.",3.4330434782608705,5.486653971014499,4.286304347826088,84.81467391304352,74.5072463768116,6.918840579710146,27.44202898550725,7.793537801064563,1.6306985507246372,280,11,55,4,6,90,46,69,0.068,0.599,0.33299999999999996,0.9787,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,1,1,1,8,9,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,15,13,8,0,3,7,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,13,7,6,13,0,2,0,0,0,1,12,2,0,3,1,37,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426805127899325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481771166653609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973619416216224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746964597728013,0.20835855236942774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4506642096343788,0.0,0.3047556368543871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602860852584986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248801178646142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632302292532643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857601980892854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131285647638105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18688089287256088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162876523888589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheVixenJush,2020/02/01,"Don’t think I have BPD/EUPD Don’t think I have BPD at all Little bit about me: 18, female from the UK So in September I took an overdose, ended up in hospital, referred to crisis team and wasn’t admitted but was sent to a crisis house, whilst there I think I was diagnosed by a doctor (was never actually told) and was admitted the next day to a psych unit. At the psych unit doctor said I had a lot of issues with my personality and gave me DBT (this is when I realised I had been diagnosed with BPD). I’ve looked at the symptoms and I don’t match half of them except for the fact that I self harm severely, I have mood swings (depressives last longer than a few days) and I have a strong feeling of emptiness. I do not have a fear of abandonment and I don’t lack empathy skills at all, I get along with most people, I’m impulsive but I wouldn’t get upset if someone didn’t text me back for a few weeks cuz I do that myself cuz of my anxiety. I was admitted and sectioned again after being discharged from the first psych unit . I had taken a 250 pill overdose and was admitted to a secure ward, the doctor there didn’t mention a personality disorder but also didn’t want to put me on antidepressants cuz they might make me more suicidal. They didn’t give me any treatment, I was only there as I was a risk to my own life, I’m impulsive, I self harm, I feel emptiness but I don’t have a fear of abandonment, I’m not manipulative. Oh and I also have a strong sense of self, apparently something BPD font have . I’m sure I have bi polar. Isn’t 18 way to young to be diagnosed with BPD anyway? My doctor at the last psych ward seemed a lot more understanding of things so maybe he didn’t agree with the diagnosis either. I was just told by nurses I was hard to diagnose due to the complexity of my mental state (eating disorder, past trauma, self harm, intense emotions, suicidal plans, gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia) Edit: I have also since had a manic episode that lasted 2 weeks",3.911565983925332,5.0965790676691745,5.390899662950481,80.91812030075191,71.60651629072682,8.811718952553797,26.289949010457182,9.223106411051027,2.069551654999568,1564,50,315,33,29,528,189,399,0.193,0.721,0.086,-0.995,1,0,1,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,3,6,14,16,0,4,27,0,44,14,1,5,5,58,72,25,2,4,10,0,3,0,0,2,11,1,0,6,5,16,1,3,13,1,0,3,16,11,0,2,28,5,44,4,45,40,14,35,0,3,1,1,22,11,0,6,19,214,49,10,0.0,0.0,0.07446467603815926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18306816749359636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05189141253559815,0.0,0.05837468647558326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05867541339481853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330753822595012,0.08475993338751915,0.4805303082815699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842347256960818,0.0,0.06572315270108961,0.30980020907364864,0.0,0.0,0.1749089867193592,0.3124140074964914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808116501767765,0.0,0.08583516367086083,0.06758539958410638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17173329788566022,0.07716627725967891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490674006924023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079734571186191,0.07320067815099708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835613101195201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804809366747839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964473785367868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660129762073766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05389792800966764,0.0,0.07647971341582176,0.0,0.0,0.06407870586947714,0.0,0.0,0.1297470549271926,0.0,0.0,0.050935550230134456,0.0,0.07666069083059372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768995615398121,0.08094972424120547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058852703244670276,0.0,0.0811534162612162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058034952127381426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284371615217973,0.052901702407855,0.1332567502842897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670966414135567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258548128388867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946707491139835,0.3184195917818872,0.08620524964398811,0.0,0.06312198255219849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465471815096706,0.05874489721556316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669350610979386,0.0,0.0719184941395745,0.07931224523339185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05069501516518152,0.14668343473370246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582931789764436,0.08477994328176422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794383330029418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04500787674673193,0.06056898665480344,0.12241782985639778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,p34chesncr34m,2020/02/01,"I’m not even sure where to post this After six years of not speaking to my biological mother she suggests we go to therapy. She blew me off for my 25th birthday. I only started trying to speak to her bc my little sister is pregnant so we’re going to have to be around one another. She lied to my sister as to why we stopped speaking. We stopped because she stopped. I wish her happy Mother’s Day that year and she asked who it was. Interestingly I got an iPhone spring of that year. I could see she was seeing my messages (I’d text and call regularly between my birthday in January for a few months). I stopped trying after that. Us not talking causes my sister so much grief bc all she has is us and we don’t speak. I tried only for my sister. I would do anything for her. Anyway, a few emails exchanged before I asked why she did it. She has never been able to acknowledge her actions (according to my sister this is normal). I reminded her and said how I felt and that’s when the therapy suggestion was made. Like.... you hurt me? But no apology? Why on earth would I go to therapy with someone after ten emails? Even my sister thinks it’s ridiculous. I just.... fucking wow.",1.2463919413919409,3.7510730470085454,3.1000549450549464,87.7217307692308,85.62393162393163,5.565079365079366,22.88705738705739,7.021680442328713,0.9664595848595852,919,34,180,13,28,306,129,234,0.10300000000000001,0.8370000000000001,0.061,-0.7837,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,6,1,0,0,10,9,2,0,4,0,17,1,0,3,3,34,33,11,1,5,5,8,1,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,10,11,0,4,3,0,1,4,6,4,0,3,9,8,45,5,28,20,4,27,0,2,2,1,45,6,1,0,17,131,55,1,0.10968488116658492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501416150413088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902613114425423,0.09764279878347784,0.20508111504035265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686288550089023,0.0,0.0933337551995378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200052717598094,0.0,0.0,0.11267658704914628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757445247150716,0.0,0.0,0.07073767434862759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489165909555587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531468680623372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140190519987943,0.0,0.0,0.18700933696814584,0.0,0.08772501937350201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676159558390735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741993384549995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535864925406422,0.10993306618111127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378648662929917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754942569236195,0.0,0.08063100816161957,0.0,0.08459574221410703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746789523789882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432531414551412,0.16684058943445754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050477964560079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433543957447386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17480929868066228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293564387155448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763552343469393,0.0,0.0,0.3668058880765112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033767024322571,0.0,0.0,0.08816055269224655,0.0,0.0,0.3763026622385093,0.0,0.0,0.07028164297016004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22340650322225197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638748138003785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969206345827975,0.0,0.12613220022762486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558339851355216,0.0,0.0,0.21190040193357576 bpd,gabrvt,2020/02/01,"I'm a tornado, destroying everyone in my life I'm an awful person. I'm mean and nasty to everyone in my life. I say terrible things. I act out, yell, and black out in rage. I cant control my emotions or even begin to communicate them somehow. desperate for someone to understand me yet push away anyone who tries. any hint of rejection or dismissal and suddenly I'm cold and detached. I know they'd be better off without me. I hate this life too. I just wish they could know that I'm trying my best and I dont want to be this way...",0.9656969696969676,3.2080201454545474,3.4322727272727285,86.78174242424242,83.9090909090909,7.303030303030304,24.62121212121212,8.344100000000001,1.8349393939393928,416,17,87,10,12,144,72,110,0.213,0.679,0.107,-0.8916,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,3,3,6,7,3,0,2,1,6,3,0,1,0,20,19,7,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,5,7,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,0,4,16,2,14,15,1,13,0,1,1,0,6,7,0,3,3,55,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647305072917714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004182116276627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473470954382553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19517495755681966,0.16448455181012653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20859283479627236,0.14849021743371044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179676457403028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20920291969012725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283830133240152,0.0,0.0,0.3554244877727624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18361714308583146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20441992998732986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39409037354810506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20258717952791733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239091320889198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789908017769884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758059087287954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355711497165354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25253696942701703,0.0,0.0,0.1936121571720579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969605953773184,0.14762258623337174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21386828359887294,0.17927847056011295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,averystrings,2020/02/01,"I think I can actually do it this time I'm less than 2 months away from holding my job for a year. I've always dived into an addiction or just lost my shit and quit. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now though. I've kind of been losing my shit for the past couple months but I stuck with it. My boss definetly had some choice comments about it at my yearly review but he didn't fire me. He told me how much hes counting on me to put in the same kind of work this year as I did before i went off the rails a bit. I didn't start fights with coworkers or blow up at anyone. I even had to explain to a couple of them that it's ok to criticize me. I'm not really mad I just feel and look mad or super emotional. I was late about 30 times in the last couple months but I didn't just assume I was fucked and kept going. This is already the longest I've kept a job in 12 years but I think I can shoot for 2 years maybe more. I have bipolar as well and the mania part is when I really lose my shit. Even more emotional than normal. Confused and scatter brained with way too much energy. I end up just not sleeping a few times a week which of course is not good for productivity. Usually last 2 or 3 months and comes on strong about once a year. I really think I'm starting to come out of it or ay least I hope so. I have a psychiatrist appointment in a couple months so maybe I can get back on my meds",1.2782428355957762,2.6874569901960825,3.1908496732026173,93.14805429864256,78.77124183006535,6.668476621417799,19.285570638511814,7.468242284971852,0.2057238813474105,1093,23,263,15,26,368,156,306,0.132,0.757,0.111,-0.7602,2,0,0,1,1,0,17.0,0,0,1,7,18,19,7,1,19,1,20,8,5,2,0,45,44,22,0,2,16,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,10,13,0,3,6,0,0,5,6,11,1,0,15,5,34,8,42,29,11,49,0,3,2,1,8,16,4,9,27,167,44,5,0.0,0.0,0.08279261106371102,0.0924892504534848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362419111622164,0.0,0.07059453705655111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059322823873012236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971094457217774,0.06523751849414151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219347139828375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262443587993116,0.0,0.0,0.09471065295437096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616607751574462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754999632442238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086948871569226,0.15028794857000327,0.0,0.0,0.11207340607266912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04289817615751903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843416915057574,0.0443259387656988,0.0,0.0482171149860999,0.07116063436099324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426629033887817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683832708210805,0.0,0.0,0.17669776318031458,0.0,0.13831353316195724,0.0957043821672859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124510109731624,0.18983083189325936,0.09261401114201108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17046844483846998,0.0,0.09423926312581858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.338596520955636,0.0,0.12473584437025828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312620021024744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903529326757838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187457250754484,0.08099036725456574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528867277725895,0.0,0.09023888332541552,0.0,0.0,0.16305401725912547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760731997483656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612643076995929,0.0,0.0,0.08490230553492031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201018415811286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308812725074298,0.08335588549189472,0.0,0.1484144682170056,0.0,0.0,0.08106924410843377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344041309049678,0.0,0.0,0.06734286404555752,0.0680543602269248,0.0,0.07628227888336565,0.07864848883262719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06176528346196141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32780906701056395 bpd,seawater_seawater,2020/02/01,"DAE have like 10 or more diagnoses? [venting] It feels so weird, almost like a joke. Like seriously, how hard does life want to fuck me? All these horrible things happening, the chronic suicideality, the flashbacks that keep me awake for 8 hours and more at night, the sensitivity to light and noises, the ineffectiveness of 12 antidepressants and 3 mood-stabilizers and basically most medication so far. All the people dying, all my former friends making me and outcast due to being trans,. The 24/7 pain due to a pain disorder, the fucking fear I'm feeling all the time and not being able to hang out even with people that I love, doctors and therapists sending me home because they can't help me anymore (including very experienced therapists and doctors), having huge difficulties with intimacy due to body-contact, the fucked up blood levels, the high risks of other disorders, the constant sweating, always feelling like a monster due to my looks. The dizzyness, the problems with my intestines, the allergies, the fucking tinnitus I have since I've been a child and which is driving me insane, the shivering, the nervousness, the permanent guilt, the emptyness and much MUCH more while being mostly non-visible! It leads to me laughing about my disorders out of despair or feeling like crying because of them when just thinking about it. Feeling not taken seriously enough, due to all the anguish and feeling like noone ever gets me makes me feel alone. I tried getting assisted suicide but none of the doctors I've visited want to help with writing the nescessary surverys. Hell, I have the highest rating of disability and got papers for it but all the doctors I visit say 'hm nah you look good, are only 27 and seem like you are quiete happy' Even when talking to them for a while or presenting 4 huge folders stating otherwise, it's still like 'yeah but whatever'. I don't feel like I suffer more than others, I don't feel like I deserve empathy, I don't want others to feel sorry about me and I don't think others should suffer in any way, but I think one hefty diagnoses is enough for a single human being. 13? C'mon stop it I feel ashamed for even thinking about talking about my disabilities. As mentioned, others don't see immediately that I have handicapps so I'm afraid of them thinking I'm just trying to individuacate myself or look like someone that tries to make excuses, due to lookin neurotypical. I also don't want others feel bad about themselfs due to thinking their suffering is less than that of a person with more diagnoses. In short: fuck my life and fuck me cause I shouln't even think about me being disadvantaged.",7.485327754532776,8.494059652719669,7.435297071129707,70.13421478382148,63.35146443514644,10.139023709902373,36.017015341701544,10.125756701596842,3.8622541701534168,2126,96,344,45,30,681,242,478,0.165,0.703,0.132,-0.9538,0,1,0,0,0,2,57.0,0,2,5,2,22,43,7,7,31,2,24,23,3,6,7,78,70,33,3,6,12,0,12,11,1,1,13,2,1,3,20,22,0,2,19,1,0,6,10,26,1,1,3,20,42,17,50,61,20,41,1,4,4,7,23,12,7,8,32,230,62,6,0.0630134277508966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309884562174292,0.06526290729443872,0.0,0.050391815406267616,0.05243221978919605,0.0,0.0,0.042851291693119915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624923881157525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05261358009936313,0.07682480137491132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473214814770682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809512946839186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921729150174434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19187190823477884,0.06539798946820773,0.0,0.2166565422896588,0.2579876536423984,0.05514347526480575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021943083535553,0.0,0.16647909894270474,0.056999252987507625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090762499547994,0.3504763065376253,0.18006722150367496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04868401796877676,0.34952939142514,0.06584383043304876,0.0,0.0,0.052852673545622036,0.05039759455856724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055722566055076916,0.06707896557075729,0.05644765416622344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084473144710752,0.06657714609607625,0.06320760583500375,0.0,0.06205553324621819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056009229877112134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901649509782125,0.3386369565469929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874622692031615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056872078753659926,0.0,0.12618585699302706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06347939911020373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264423962966424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059133833297554186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04269952944433565,0.04792455129836072,0.13410145980789215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873711533439755,0.05502089457087004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06029534020830379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050110806921308926,0.0,0.0,0.050213543541471235,0.057365058005581435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052125358598336814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053391072847032664,0.0,0.0,0.07053837338181387,0.0,0.0,0.05032260479962896,0.05268204715426679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13785292493260332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129561263990122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463268927566211,0.04186332142606592,0.2826352209245563,0.0,0.0,0.036743636462110416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834594339848288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05199267719450628,0.14866780923638373,0.05001712591502789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rcanna,2020/02/01,"I just can't handle it anymore For five whole years, I was clean. I didn't cut or hurt myself physically, but a few days ago it just happened. And that's because I'm completely alone, and it doesn't matter anymore. Nobody gives a shit. Long story somewhat short, 2019 was a really hard year for me, and this one isn't good at all too. I lost my best friend and soulmate, then my dad was hospitalized because of a heart attack, and he stayed there for three and a half months. I was visiting him nearly every single day because no one else would. My parents split up when I was 12, and he was left alone. Now I'm 20 and my mom is still really jealous of the attention that my dad gets from me. While I was sitting beside his bed, the university started, but I didn't care about it tbh. I basically hate my course, and it's really painful for me because this was my only option, the only thing I'm supposed to be talented at. But I failed on every exam. And I don't know what to do anymore. At the end of December, every single friend of mine - I mean, really, everyone - declared love to me, which I struggle a lot with. I don't want to hurt them, but in the end, I'm the evil one in their head, who only wants to cause injury. And that's not the truth. Meanwhile, there was a guy, and I fell in love with him. I was able to feel something after a very long time, but he said he wants a wife - he's a lot older than me -, and he can't imagine his life with me. And I really do love him, more than my own fucking life. At home, nothing seems alright, I'm basically a stranger for my mom and step-dad, my little brother is the only one who I truly love, but I can't see him going through the same thing as me when I was a child. My parents aren't too understanding, above all, they blame me for my cat's death, who had leucosis, and I fucking tried everything to save him. But I lost him too two weeks ago. So I'm in my dark room absolutely alone, none of my friends want to talk to me, I don't have any plans for the future, and it was just enough. I tried therapy before, and I still have to take meds daily for my dissociation and mood swings, but I can't handle anything anymore. I also have bipolar disorder, so it's really an emotional disaster, and I want it to end finally.",4.551304479418889,4.3564291970339015,5.8342857142857145,83.25805084745768,69.52966101694915,9.030992736077485,28.297820823244553,8.738905477910976,1.8600608958837768,1759,54,386,27,28,594,219,472,0.184,0.687,0.129,-0.9717,2,3,1,0,0,3,69.0,0,0,3,5,17,30,8,1,23,1,34,13,3,1,3,60,68,37,1,6,13,8,2,0,3,1,4,1,4,2,20,23,0,0,7,0,0,3,15,15,0,8,18,4,65,14,45,48,15,46,0,5,1,6,41,15,3,6,26,259,85,2,0.07156584843673285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687761320591678,0.0,0.0,0.22236190754951712,0.0,0.05723118313882637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04866723103449034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28389636532843865,0.0,0.0,0.05889259545795656,0.0,0.0,0.08141648417811384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17450350782737029,0.0,0.060897265945857065,0.0,0.07510394267237573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296615209502047,0.07351784006476313,0.0,0.0,0.0750354304886688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230810349353943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820206624828346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978408323979367,0.08050194699146712,0.19015829953722832,0.07394665219230252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18089194175304246,0.06838423506835635,0.06431876998238939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03618584328275929,0.0,0.0,0.07839688885140522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587479092637114,0.13232294736608272,0.037390202036727466,0.06865248297128243,0.0406725209022197,0.0600260382500504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708614415190286,0.06328544342275885,0.0,0.06410894323411216,0.07065645900790846,0.07344720724386176,0.0,0.0,0.08480587497365405,0.0,0.0,0.07178638110465692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322544182321218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03933071869220201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775650372535667,0.0,0.10109815040888967,0.0,0.07172778115658407,0.0,0.12666704764118658,0.0,0.0,0.1562451550698446,0.12168545024390336,0.2583638893256968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795618919498704,0.07949352424755413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763411348279486,0.05712317744417957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866936171665107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397948415778127,0.21771621046710066,0.07615110850416859,0.0,0.15893081088366307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750814903411165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807551027772317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057028715542443785,0.06515086059150964,0.0,0.0,0.07346131499142998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055094886517608736,0.0,0.0,0.050654675870919916,0.07627967229443024,0.11430515801389993,0.0,0.0,0.07481616339766985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053808611544693234,0.05752191810728804,0.0,0.0,0.08184178471294026,0.0,0.09509033941399687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041730621740766805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971770267657449,0.0,0.06990943499819531,0.07450257212784088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059049319942273235,0.21105695807590716,0.0,0.05740580683051515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990071401582377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050838325404952686,0.0,0.0,0.09217212002949512 bpd,callietheripper,2020/02/01,"just got out of an abusive relationship, again. i’ve struggled with sexual abuse on and off all my life, since i was little. i got diagnosed with PTSD last year. my ex sexually abused me our whole relationship. it’s the abuse that stands out the most - i have flashbacks, night terrors, etc. i was fine since late 2018, until this past weekend. we broke up and it hit me like a ton of bricks in the face. i’ve really been struggling. i called my therapist yesterday and we spoke her entire lunch break, i made plans this weekend to constantly be around people and to keep myself busy as i have therapy first thing monday. i plan to tell her everything as i’ve been keeping it to myself bc it’s too painful. i need advice. 1. how do i keep myself from going back when i want to do self-destructive behavior? 2. how hard will this be with my BPD? i was just diagnosed. 3. i just got on new meds, topamax 100mg. when they finally kick in, will they help? 4. will DBT help with trauma? thanks!",1.0443076923076902,3.5936750717948733,2.4591794871794868,91.32415384615385,88.02564102564102,6.196923076923077,19.5948717948718,7.554174236665415,0.7643394871794866,769,23,160,15,25,248,125,195,0.175,0.758,0.067,-0.9757,0,0,0,0,4,0,32.0,3,0,2,3,11,9,0,3,5,0,14,6,1,3,1,26,27,11,0,2,3,1,1,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,9,13,1,3,0,2,0,1,0,6,0,1,10,2,29,3,24,11,5,31,0,1,0,0,15,10,0,1,19,101,38,0,0.0,0.5156321494142421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631630982951698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685343538111728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365907488588455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370274829593789,0.0,0.11109509310097193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757216751311846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22085569909971672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133871595244985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778077735543132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918307418249195,0.0,0.09254366546194157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061832505688665676,0.0,0.2610474996944606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746178769561464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458502362478433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901144300099721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886850273862469,0.122729071544303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684736305501652,0.05315328889839257,0.10904434586344527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294745645784308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085023699577775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067246242070181,0.0,0.10507794787011282,0.0,0.10209970975060773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576892076845008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386016138540692,0.07542695018694734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271792353083917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969889186057089,0.0,0.0,0.2336170300442253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350021641418072,0.0,0.0,0.17999793643537235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274789339963481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509439362791004,0.10016673488593823,0.12442018607598172,0.12632305776613031,0.07228066790952499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417197789256672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214692683000686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700624526048138 bpd,Moffinboffin,2020/02/01,DAE have trouble going out? This year I've pretty much stayed inside because I'm just to afraid of dealing with how bpd makes me feel around others. I end up analysing everything I'm doing 'just in case' I'm annoying or not pretty enough etc. I've also only been able to hold on to a job for 2 months at most because of how overwhelming it gets. Does anyone have a similar experience?,4.987662337662337,5.6446246493506536,5.893922077922081,80.23516883116886,68.74025974025976,8.757402597402598,28.387012987012987,8.841846274778883,2.135204675324675,306,10,59,5,5,101,60,77,0.071,0.84,0.08900000000000001,0.3313,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,2,2,0,4,0,0,3,0,13,11,4,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,13,10,4,11,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,2,3,35,5,1,0.2112344898295741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892414519979124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770006673536076,0.0,0.0,0.18804348026082554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575331687849159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660424453264791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217773483738968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848527255339675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870910602707189,0.21826169453234076,0.2355822934756412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898439389802893,0.2066278637740391,0.0,0.0,0.10680650494409946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036130255390003,0.0,0.12004942847087535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096176371393721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410006622239358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860535448738076,0.0,0.15528165497664492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065334810605406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42980283265313596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251478605151385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602808585545442 bpd,FijiNel,2020/02/02,I’m pretty sure I have BPD I’m against self diagnosing but I’m almost positive I’ve had BPD my whole life. I realized a couple months ago but haven’t told anybody. Is this something I should for sure tell someone? Recently I’ve been abusing a lot of drugs and thinking about death a lot so I feel very desperate. Any advice is appreciated❤️,1.4485714285714302,3.9172072142857175,3.668214285714289,84.34803571428574,84.0,6.928571428571428,25.892857142857146,8.07648339933343,1.9007142857142847,275,12,55,6,8,94,51,70,0.182,0.664,0.154,-0.6091,0,0,2,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,7,3,0,0,2,12,13,4,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,5,2,4,9,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,27,6,0,0.0,0.21344543035974808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603813518300207,0.15968996468342614,0.0,0.18039178418531165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250653537318405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4537791540671506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19932987642083846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18284600677166396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20891400561104964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910880318419223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724356693370098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30631006937998656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379208369661745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832748582445778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787400709244866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18793321995899745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526384642308791,0.1386864122034733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395739339433788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745692967955127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543129847375695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213873759188408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864062426612873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20112834529223966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,12345676543212344567,2020/02/02,"partner over protective months after pink slip I was pinkslipped in the hospital in july and was there for over a week. i’ve been out for 6 months now but my parter has gotten almost worse. i haven’t self harmed nearly as much as pre hospital and i have been a lot better but this doesn’t seem to matter. (we have been together and living together for almost a year now) i can’t be alone, we can’t do anything a part, they are scared to go to work. i feel like i have to ask permission to anything. we can’t even go grocery store shopping separate and we have to hang out with friends together. i have brought this up multiple times but i just always feel like i’m being crazy and mean. i have no idea what to do but it’s causing resentment from me towards them. i don’t want to do my traditional “get pissed at partner push them away and then get sad and depressed that i’m alone” am i actually in the wrong but i can’t see it? or does this seem not normal to you guys too.",1.4409113300492606,3.5001817980295584,2.9005197044334983,92.34555788177342,80.7733990147783,6.424532019704434,21.972660098522173,7.554174236665415,0.7608977339901482,767,24,170,12,20,250,115,203,0.205,0.7170000000000001,0.078,-0.9847,0,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,4,1,3,2,7,11,2,1,6,0,26,1,1,1,0,35,42,16,0,2,8,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,7,14,0,1,6,1,2,5,9,7,0,0,7,4,23,4,29,33,3,26,0,2,2,0,14,12,1,6,11,116,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.14402527445516886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955775138187351,0.30571475107978296,0.0,0.0,0.12280561566999368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429058379551212,0.0,0.13797550495751015,0.0,0.13866443540781914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305302053015335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516142429002865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711792502773633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915585983778874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748093979256517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925055546221164,0.21087478355532535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402665811178578,0.0,0.15421800120061646,0.0,0.16775611084340647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613600994352147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16660966985352552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420876082602066,0.0,0.13032351988013804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547462897752182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607673537984475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356077733684412,0.0,0.10849467113677007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460558310551688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982417211927152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776202876106392,0.0,0.11760907995837044,0.2687184061496454,0.1539671947098381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606015377235063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705163502988522,0.0,0.11838674712180815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744632628586598,0.0,0.15040548703441328,0.0,0.16136506694786346,0.0,0.09504227941460032 bpd,Malaclypse_The_IV,2020/02/02,"DAE have experience with a parent with BPD or wider PD? Hi, first time post so do forgive me if this post breaks any group rules. I don’t know where to turn now. I have been in touch with MIND/Samaritans in the UK in the past for support. I guess I’m just venting right now. My mum has been treated for many years for anxiety and depression relating to BPD. Usually a cycle of getting help via NHS services, counselling and antidepressants/antipsychotics then taking herself off medication after a while or a trigger event happens and the cycle starts again. This last week, I’ve had numerous phone calls and emails as is usual. The trouble is, my wife and I are expecting another child and this is probably the trigger for this latest upset with mum. It has been easier in the past to drop everything and help her out, but since our 1st child came along this has been of course harder to do and I feel it will get harder still. She has anxiety and elements of paranoia around technology (she always suspects phone hacking/scamming etc) so goes through phases of erratically starting and stopping phone contracts and broadband etc so this makes it twice as hard to check in with her. But it’s also getting harder for me to listen and support her or just be there for her after years of the same cycles of behaviour and it’s really starting to bring me down. Feel like posing more info, but that’s probably enough for now. I’m her only child so I guess favourite person rules also applies here. So if anyone else cares for a parent with BPD or similar, I just wanna say hi and I know how tough it can be I guess.",4.8895272266779255,6.467742750809066,5.306523146193894,80.94626846770791,69.71197411003236,8.351259321795414,28.645138595750666,8.841846274778883,2.2763118334036863,1286,47,237,23,23,410,170,309,0.071,0.8640000000000001,0.065,0.2822,2,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,0,1,20,10,0,1,12,0,22,1,0,4,0,54,47,35,0,4,12,5,4,1,0,1,1,2,0,4,13,24,0,1,7,0,1,2,1,4,0,2,6,6,23,6,43,38,5,42,0,1,0,0,31,11,0,9,26,164,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839040240273822,0.08240187741129333,0.0,0.0,0.0673446003089045,0.1038428299785095,0.1515171677455842,0.0,0.0,0.06924490568667975,0.10146914986430892,0.0,0.08815874862796205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741789244068489,0.0,0.10112191011035714,0.11326529105121855,0.10096889106831324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529541273634858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272784592501,0.0,0.0,0.10232568465921027,0.22089189333137965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890028416400892,0.09687149948895724,0.0,0.0,0.10014628327594977,0.07074789686472256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423587360082553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552191171415574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327282038578793,0.0,0.08757294799979609,0.0,0.0887124881887734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275702884576576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884989648624838,0.08072363159492381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04838163371597259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610408358819199,0.10040207592111687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976349818207414,0.0,0.0,0.09999326413135426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531767712593561,0.0,0.0,0.21992481816245305,0.0,0.18907293941626704,0.0,0.08647020911410562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18968899697810707,0.0,0.2135447295281569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344191161629703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457208911566294,0.0,0.07875357147784802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819196178706306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102843429423765,0.0,0.07908643060293309,0.0827945032431447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247588256078107,0.0,0.0,0.074459124972332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057745879147764675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771748949586207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181377139303501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943684146877844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754566986997115 bpd,idkidc22,2020/02/02,"This is the first time I've told a soul about this and it's terrifying I made a throwaway account to keep it away from my main.. I just.. idk why I feel the need to talk about it now, I guess I suppressed it a long time. When I was growing up my step sister was visiting, she's about six months older than me, and we must have been around 11/12 at the time? Idk. We got around to the typical girl talk and silly things, and I was already repulsed by kissing but she asked if I'd rather do ""it"" or like watch tv idk. I lied bc I didn't want to seem weird, again idk. I don't know how it happened but (tw) next thing I know she's on top of me and kissing me and I try to push her away but her tongue was in my mouth and her hands all the places I would have preferred them not to be. I think it happened twice that night? She made me swear to secrecy and I did.. for around 13 years, until now. Honestly I didn't even consider it as anything until a couple years ago when I realized it wasn't right Idk where I'm going with this but I just had to share I guess??",0.4870553359683782,2.204232543478266,2.031620553359684,99.11754940711462,82.26086956521739,5.399209486166008,18.715415019762844,6.351523495107088,-0.3670000000000001,815,19,204,7,22,264,129,230,0.08900000000000001,0.8059999999999999,0.10400000000000001,0.851,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,2,0,1,2,18,7,0,0,9,0,18,4,2,3,2,43,37,20,0,7,10,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,15,14,0,2,7,1,1,5,5,1,0,3,14,3,36,6,29,20,2,37,1,0,1,2,18,13,0,5,20,138,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440488911000545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548711032646237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548966948892495,0.3748029265004386,0.13120100858221814,0.0,0.2637122261026298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552859706720142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269469694831424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096123117697131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937500033848612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975970425063228,0.0,0.11224447475266958,0.0,0.309205502723335,0.0,0.24820828110971085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247425922590839,0.0,0.0,0.1542568014604497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856410807335818,0.0,0.0,0.12419842726800864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655903586303329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201980201221068,0.0,0.0,0.10406196016450443,0.0,0.0,0.14925551773694848,0.13170164403149226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466277246471522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985146868245695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277622644769331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22560348237062425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18647423814683484,0.08992561251372165,0.0,0.0,0.2455039895048835,0.0,0.0,0.13410298263956766,0.0,0.09528313887188378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277746342127391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266370031795145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969506951990133,0.0,0.0,0.18075154602244228 bpd,sapi1999may,2020/02/02,"Does anyone else have this? NSFW I mentally self harm way more than physically. I've been thinking about this alot, since I often felt like I didn't fit in well enough into the ""BPD category"" 'cause I don't have lots of / severe visible scars on my body. I can control the urge to harm my body pretty well usually, but not when it comes to my soul. It has become an addiction to me to obsess over how awful people where (for example in the middle ages) and still are. I expose myself to real life gore videos and images to ""thoughten up"" and then invalidate myself since ""I could have it worse and I should stop whining"". Also I'm THE WORST at completely dispising and hating myself to the point where I nearly throw up when seeing myself in a mirror. I will avoid my reflection at all costs. My inner critic is beating me down every second of my existence since I can remember. It would make me feel less shitty if I knew of someone else maybe experiencing a similar situation. If anyone of you are able to talk about it I will love to hear your story. xx",4.459579288025889,5.7925301359223305,5.747553398058255,78.31605501618122,70.45631067961166,8.405954692556634,24.412944983818768,8.841846274778883,1.77077644012945,832,22,154,15,15,279,136,206,0.225,0.733,0.042,-0.9905,0,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,0,2,12,11,1,2,9,1,17,5,2,4,1,31,28,13,0,5,4,0,2,1,0,4,2,1,0,1,7,7,0,3,6,1,1,2,3,7,2,1,4,5,28,4,29,19,7,28,1,1,1,1,6,18,0,5,8,117,35,0,0.13244138474353578,0.0,0.0,0.1443806584530752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059133275296512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185212191256516,0.13570184986849965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627110405809662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942250433542278,0.166805287754018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605378479008404,0.0,0.11408652579490823,0.13886227210080573,0.0,0.14854427470940304,0.1057436688641534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590034829581017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212755648918442,0.0,0.0,0.13684735425382547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115875787965142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696634354468645,0.0,0.12716449893641846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075844800966738,0.0,0.0,0.1492710661526165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354726680143076,0.06470417071294507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259692916021638,0.1195335205879348,0.0,0.08840565274051708,0.0,0.13305517230690608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346976527534618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181818025564616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251999174213526,0.0,0.0,0.13474050182146405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074729094727374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003027100945782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553863639671072,0.0,0.13816524868024585,0.14962106681881385,0.0,0.3286706462140778,0.14886966552822786,0.0,0.0,0.11221715550465963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576786093769876,0.11072692797823658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645136826636477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486309159492887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586547411710546,0.0,0.0,0.10512580657039128,0.0,0.0,0.2381614209106497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496908583770775,0.0940825597928423,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rosemm2,2020/02/02,"The only solid person in my life just kinda blew up on me for no reason My life is falling apart in so many ways. I failed my drivers test which made me unable to get my dream job, i’m now jobless and pregnant, i’m bedridden with a debilitating pregnancy disease, i’m broke, and literally everything in my life is falling apart. Perspective wise, it’s making me realize how silly about all the other times i felt overwhelmed. I feel overwhelmed by the smallest stuff. But right now my life is literally falling apart. My mom, the only solid person in my life, just called me lazy and made fun of me for asking for her to cook me corn. She’s usually really nice and helpful so i don’t know where this came from. I told her it’s fine don’t worry about it and she started yelling at me. I can’t deal with this, i already fucking hate myself. I can’t deal with the only person who i can rely on also going off on me. I want to cut myself so bad but i’m trying to resist. please help.",1.9027572663000785,3.9271907761194034,3.858177533385703,86.24363707776907,79.04975124378109,6.0226237234878255,22.519245875883737,7.0608816371341465,0.8035014925373134,770,24,154,9,19,261,113,201,0.1,0.7759999999999999,0.124,0.4317,2,0,0,0,1,1,20.0,0,0,0,1,12,13,3,2,6,0,8,7,0,5,1,25,27,12,0,1,4,1,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,3,9,9,1,0,5,2,0,5,5,8,0,0,5,3,32,5,25,22,1,26,0,4,0,1,16,15,1,1,5,99,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410536115768385,0.10442991249631957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208067436368353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903420568593382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334333474870605,0.14935607529139575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26925772895261874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736265358762192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602841738318775,0.0,0.12538344140732174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072504058823558,0.06822601443418683,0.0,0.07421527156830733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892705386846878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17505864869745436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958687154083018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176688102849246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4611852499681088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471280551609874,0.08716744903787102,0.13239413302620426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294123624826886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979505694425155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420690736688877,0.0,0.14334467424759872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365700418947357,0.1342645883856968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152008874278783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242973984825564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949020780285852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614599135988882,0.0,0.0,0.12478091999239853,0.0,0.0886596069242764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382249197126756,0.0,0.07702325359984984,0.1036534215033281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326168478201121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,onlonelyisland,2020/02/02,"Managing severe BPD rage??? I have all but chased off my boyfriend of two years with my intense bouts of anger and rage. I will explode at him over nothing, then realize what I did and what an asshole I was, so I'll go to him feeling like shit and apologize and be as nice as I can to him, which in turn makes him think I'm even crazier to have just freaked tf out then come back all loving like nothing happened. I hate my temper so much. Weed helps but I can't be smoking 24/7, CBD I haven't noticed a difference. My kratom makes me even more irritated, and my Abilify 10mg doesn't do anything for it. Any suggestions? What worked for you? I'm tired of being a stressed depressed aggressive mess. Ugh!",2.340834236186353,4.347386929577468,3.2122535211267587,91.48751354279524,77.59154929577466,6.622751895991333,27.120260021668468,7.61054688173877,1.4249300108342364,552,23,118,8,13,175,97,142,0.289,0.556,0.155,-0.9786,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,1,6,16,7,1,3,0,13,3,1,2,2,18,25,13,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,12,0,1,2,1,19,4,16,19,4,11,0,1,0,1,9,5,1,0,6,76,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747320545033586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425631910299684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441383585661699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360881530086246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16147256193586634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145139509090106,0.0,0.0,0.19584654785670225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476194245752162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478093035348167,0.1339151342624199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653280457804101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576242699585156,0.0,0.0,0.18506919592621265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564455008573908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831583202338377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16918197545295832,0.0,0.25025018753373146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779815876587054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35972885525566495,0.21341436911966893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21176643613675186,0.1924159049015528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21472465137398986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201111237120592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21544751410153712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038930160119289,0.1831125293347024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364666648897874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071239048905436 bpd,lia11119,2020/02/02,"If you're seriously, chronically suicidal, what makes you temporarily happy? Whether it's healthy or unhealthy.",8.586470588235294,12.884583235294116,8.548529411764708,48.913382352941206,69.58823529411765,12.811764705882355,49.67647058823529,11.20814326018867,8.323847058823532,93,7,11,4,2,30,16,17,0.369,0.385,0.24600000000000002,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,1,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6390022735294221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40068720410199815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6566017506016514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rl_rm,2020/02/02,"Loneliness Hi everyone. I never know how to begin a post because it’s mostly about something that I have been thinking about for a few days/weeks/... but never said out loud. The feeling I struggle the most with is definitely loneliness. I never saw it so bright as I saw it last Friday. I was watching the season finale of The Good Place (lol) and it was that scene where Eleanor and Chidi are standing on a bridge and she says something about always feeling alone or lonely and that she would always pretend that she liked it but in fact she doesn’t. (I don’t remember how it went exactly.) I then realised that I felt alone my whole life. Even though I have/had people around me, I feel alone. (Also because I keep them on a distance myself, you know...) And then I also felt this feeling that knowing I could chose to die would make me so much calmer or happier. (I was probably inspired by the show) Just wanted to share this. :)",4.074071428571429,5.711359661111113,4.567619047619051,85.215,71.83333333333333,6.920634920634923,26.74603174603175,7.447530270364453,1.4291031746031746,729,25,138,8,14,231,111,180,0.127,0.669,0.204,0.9567,0,5,2,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,1,0,14,7,0,1,9,1,12,1,0,3,5,40,30,19,1,4,5,0,6,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,14,8,0,1,12,2,0,1,5,2,0,0,10,13,25,5,16,17,5,19,0,1,4,0,10,7,0,4,10,105,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090995201017529,0.0,0.2105868744783598,0.21911370325419707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721086031640116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052502448593226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512477155314832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664876020288833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696430370108607,0.0,0.0,0.12581272600730933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662976097766654,0.0,0.25284045927204063,0.14423392009909922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043538757301152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703099567528183,0.0,0.0,0.2170809513133963,0.1073255513985846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299975268075412,0.06432546967395901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788823149585566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967898293837248,0.0,0.30464734258614234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128078614522804,0.0,0.13756318750709362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609985324421408,0.0,0.14195846613962465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491521727526591,0.0,0.12524473679961004,0.10470627146560876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20272619427313612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764613228560846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843664042777983,0.1293614033018645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766015430836494,0.0,0.10561470840138364,0.0,0.0,0.12205591510330685,0.0,0.14700064466923976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18706382541093705,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,moon_leaf,2020/02/02,I’m so SICK of mindlessly cycling through social media every waking second of my life My life feels so EMPTY like how do people occupy their time when they aren’t working or at school?? Like what do you DO when you’re alone? People always say “find a hobby” but like okay you can paint a picture for an hour or so but then what? Like this shit is so lonely and pointless. Every day feels like a fucking drag.,1.6209214092140911,4.0409826097561,2.7852845528455283,91.32136856368568,82.65853658536584,4.620054200542006,17.647696476964764,5.82211442006289,-0.2847929539295393,322,7,63,2,9,103,59,82,0.196,0.639,0.165,-0.6179,1,3,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,2,1,7,9,2,0,4,1,6,6,2,1,0,9,10,13,0,0,4,0,2,5,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,3,6,6,5,10,0,7,0,1,0,1,6,1,2,2,11,38,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21266438538706925,0.0,0.0,0.17085456744430502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324236217796975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460059687230169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20764636010492413,0.14669084851166078,0.0,0.0,0.1876718092276968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898282303677418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20221290139794912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900673445925747,0.5015797795195862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847058673409613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632900585793909,0.0,0.2078092505909656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21077268460065807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20931243703931174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973206816924135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948579917047564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,I-Am-Become-Michael,2020/02/02,"My Partner has BPD. I dont know if I can stay. Sorry for the long read. My Partner and I were best friends prior to getting into a relationship. She made it clear pretty early on she wanted more than friendship, but I wasnt ready for one, and honestly wasnt sure if i felt the same way she did. However, eventually we formed a partnership, and ive never loved somebody more. She's amazing. Understanding, validating, and for the most part has shown me unconditional love. I don't know a whole lot about BPD or people's experiences with it. Only what shes told me, what ive read, and what another friend diagnosed BPD has told me when ive gone to them for some advice. My partner is currently away from town for work. She works 2 weeks on 2 weeks off at a mine in interior Alaska (about 5 hour drive south of our home) and will be back in a couple days. Shes currently acting like.... Like im just some random hitting her DMs. She acts like my mere existence is aggravating. Shes been so cold towards me. Told me when i get back that i need to leave. That we arent good for each other, etc. She basically dumped me. But this isnt the first time shes done this. This is probably the 5th time in less than a year. Shes acted more or less cold towards me, and like... Hateful, and.... Its rough man, coming from the person who means so much to you. But she usually ends up saying she doesn't want me to leave, that she loves me and all that, and things go back to ""normal"" for a time. But i never know when these ""flips"" are going to occurr. And so im often on edge when shes off or mad because i don't know if shes going to end it and act like a stranger towards me again. And I absolutely dont like someone i care so much for, and who has cared so much for me, acting either completely indifferent, or almost hateful at times. Now Im diagnosed Bipolar. Im also diagnosed with depression and adjustment disorder. Ive a plethora of issues stemming from childhood (losing my mom to a long ugly battle with cancer, my father getting really bad PTSD afrer going to Iraq as a private contractor in order to pay for my moms treatment and keep our house, which we also lost, etc). So im by no means perfect or a shining example of great mental health. However The bipolar i seem to have mostly under control. As anyone who knows me or who ive told my diagnoses inevitably says ""really? You don't seem bipolar"" My partner often thinks i may have been misdiagnosed and that i may also have BPD, but ill leave that to the professionals My point in that last paragraph was to say i know the struggles with mental health. Ive been committed to this person, and still am, and have been as patient and understanding as I can be, because shes worth it. For the first year or more straight there were no bumps. However she ended up choosing to come off her meds. She was perscribed 2. Now she had done this once before, around when we first met, and it was after that, that was the first time i noticed her change and she ended up blowing up at me over something trivial. But when she came off a little over a year into us being partners was when she had her first major ""change"" in personality. After the fallout and reconciling, i asked if shed want to go back on her meds. She agreed. 3 more ""fallouts"" later, she is back on some kind of medication. Its only 1 as opposed to 2, and im not sure if its the same. Because these ""flips"" and ""fallouts"" are continuing to seemingly get worse and last longer. She means so much to me, and its not my place to demand that she be on medication. But id be lying if i said my patience is running thin. Like i said, its rough when someone you care about deeply, periodically acts like they couldn't care less about you, and seems like a totally different person I want to be there for her. I want to build a life with her. But i cant help but wonder if, for the sake of my own mental health, maybe i should leave. Maintaining a friendship if possible. Im basically just needing to vent. And maybe seek some advice, steps to take, ways i can improve or help her/myself. Or if i should just rip the bandaid of and leave, which id rather not do. Though some of this dumping me and asking be back may be a little toxic, she is not a toxic person at all. Shes one of the best people ive ever met This is the first time ive ever posted to Reddit. Im sorry if some of the words I used were disrespectful. Like ""flip"" etc.. Its just the only way i could think to desctibe it. Anyway thanks. Sorry for the long read.",3.3045488721804546,4.673981885964913,4.6551779448621575,84.89257894736845,73.34210526315789,7.448270676691729,24.651378446115288,8.005294315242164,1.2790788972431075,3528,106,729,51,70,1172,352,912,0.132,0.759,0.11,-0.8725,8,0,1,0,0,0,132.0,7,4,2,14,46,41,6,1,39,0,83,19,0,3,12,155,148,83,0,23,38,3,4,10,7,6,16,5,1,11,42,47,0,3,22,3,2,18,20,11,0,8,32,12,116,30,106,99,38,128,0,3,1,3,89,43,0,40,71,522,158,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796462677181639,0.0,0.0,0.04080801106659269,0.0,0.0,0.09776992307079847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04273283121720832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028495283381363663,0.0,0.0,0.03627860417728064,0.07619667491591034,0.0,0.03828856763532626,0.18801818139003465,0.03402685956917139,0.0745275285261923,0.0,0.03467760452843748,0.0,0.085535032880939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053067419294272,0.0,0.0,0.046610310661423404,0.1662006546279163,0.0,0.08622205119127603,0.07020980337128417,0.04272850256398314,0.0,0.04570769530674355,0.03253776967517116,0.04509216336885955,0.0,0.02628216437963755,0.0,0.035100299913040006,0.16545280931764075,0.0,0.0425779694429609,0.046706203514440166,0.0,0.0,0.0834084627532429,0.09552388266793928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443794278058395,0.0,0.13635032862066052,0.0,0.07372642474778378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03986402757201619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03912904878085212,0.0,0.0,0.2079857051139568,0.0,0.0,0.06297097591755159,0.0,0.08516655842124699,0.0,0.11580368782695205,0.03418148883227032,0.0,0.044930071294263504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046984391826195,0.0,0.12995486213322385,0.0,0.0,0.054631443574276836,0.0,0.04087834972243686,0.0,0.0401332680891767,0.04702322343779915,0.0,0.0,0.3521598667214914,0.042535302557286256,0.0,0.03622293324283785,0.0,0.04243773733238237,0.13437993520169125,0.06643789128050298,0.0,0.2157564887664665,0.0,0.0,0.028784885692183317,0.1990974425509515,0.08168996062522084,0.0,0.10819475349167083,0.0,0.045591923952386905,0.04448646103269821,0.03464654656396781,0.11034289437268688,0.03856125504681959,0.0,0.0,0.08188326728428734,0.13317513639370818,0.090534277807458,0.0821082539899022,0.12320761690349945,0.0,0.0,0.09545830018050336,0.0,0.0,0.1198318960929027,0.060435323138528126,0.06286209500558003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039929060634023,0.0,0.046397297202882895,0.0,0.043400368573907534,0.055230261439277915,0.09298295081983653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04413127710758115,0.0,0.0565056770441664,0.17791872833947692,0.0425779694429609,0.0,0.038524538822649015,0.04594262342431766,0.03902988725030189,0.041460216590517636,0.043938377286807606,0.0,0.04763780571300115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229139075048755,0.0,0.05221453424867808,0.0,0.0,0.043753222220234686,0.0,0.0,0.07753043053135843,0.09722471195397027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839916000750675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905937723995981,0.03137347229833652,0.0,0.13685816403870668,0.0,0.043437029040628336,0.03254521367749715,0.0,0.0,0.04260364215605411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681800430585321,0.0,0.030641010271794163,0.0,0.0,0.03751967405552694,0.0,0.0,0.02707432865381217,0.0522254572382215,0.04003938827457966,0.0,0.14257960271044742,0.0,0.0,0.1557640674238839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485013875327907,0.0490205629165016,0.03519730749111838,0.04488341714792663,0.0,0.1201851940551567,0.09704295258087664,0.06537882566597916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045499010820025464,0.0,0.0,0.0441946391921299,0.05933700186445545,0.0,0.04153055284943371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873034061428054 bpd,xannyphantxm,2020/02/02,"borderline vs bipolar i’m not really seeking a “diagnosis” of any sort but i’ve been struggling a lot with my mental illnesses. over the years i’ve been diagnosed with bipolar, depression, adhd, and GAD. my mother is bipolar but i don’t see myself as bipolar - my mood swings are way too rapid to really be in an “episode.” i’ve had multiple psychiatrists and psychologists tell me i had borderline traits but i was never officially diagnosed with it considering i’m only 18. i have my highs and lows like bipolar but when it comes to impulsiveness it doesn’t matter whether i’m high or low. i spend my entire paycheck in a weekend, i abuse drugs and will do almost anything handed to me, i have impulsive and reckless sex and it feels like i can’t control what i do. i’m either doing great, horrible, angry, or anxious. i feel like i feel everything 10x more than a normal person. everything triggers me, going to class is so fucking hard and getting up every morning and trying to accomplish something feels like the hardest thing i’ve ever done. i can’t control my emotions, i get suicidal over the smallest things, i never feel like myself anymore and it’s like i don’t know who i am. i just feel so disconnected from everything. my mood cycles through multiple moods throughout the day lasting from hours to even longer. i get so anxious at the thought of my friends leaving me and i feel like such a nuisance, like no one wants me around and everyone hates me. my own mom barely checks in on me, and i just feel like i’ll turn into her. as i’ve gotten older it’s gotten worse. i’m not suicidal, but i’m just exhausted by living. i’m on medication and it works okay, but i feel like i have no self control. i let everyone walk over me and i bend to other people’s will. i’m so angry and tired all the time, everything is so exhausting. i’m helpless, i don’t know what else to do to help myself at this point. tldr; idk if i’m bipolar or borderline or what but i’m so sick of feeling everything so intensely all the time sorry this is long",2.0239023569023544,4.518697607407411,3.9370566778900127,83.23016414141415,81.56790123456791,7.039842873176208,26.241582491582488,8.150884317080207,2.035555555555556,1621,69,305,34,44,547,197,405,0.21600000000000005,0.664,0.12,-0.9941,0,0,2,0,1,0,39.0,0,0,0,5,16,25,2,1,13,1,29,18,1,4,5,69,65,38,2,3,20,2,12,10,1,2,15,0,0,2,16,21,0,3,13,1,2,3,12,9,0,1,9,13,46,13,35,52,6,36,0,4,1,2,9,19,1,8,23,195,62,3,0.0,0.08718032586841626,0.0,0.0,0.08842891982524738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073679790205648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050036956316395015,0.0,0.0,0.1662490227153127,0.07297163680965914,0.0,0.0,0.06055011069358974,0.06550184326243784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338269677410112,0.0,0.0,0.2475788439300974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04745304431725486,0.0,0.06337438816922103,0.1493644012638315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529793631703784,0.0,0.0,0.08532949642890142,0.0,0.06146668914377462,0.0827676512383066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04859892824844751,0.06655736663035029,0.061994364552130476,0.14061777956590368,0.3306450167313057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720428348035979,0.36795921069565096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056847763139923964,0.06802356941492115,0.1153276156997931,0.0,0.041817237356687485,0.0,0.0,0.08112226350566297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591327108423625,0.07264506481464535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04931915567528914,0.1554827226556852,0.0,0.0,0.07246152644519134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087534101537126,0.05997756032835042,0.0,0.077910647504379,0.0,0.07524058504621267,0.0,0.3594749514671705,0.0,0.06497253109395046,0.06511602771336046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625551261985704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412415810042543,0.07415138292637255,0.0,0.0,0.08617606380288748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349893932199855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209282524998728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04985974529864368,0.055960942717251216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0510111412100965,0.06424726045244572,0.0,0.0,0.06955692924093111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427452670629374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058633772411565366,0.0,0.07676003805708967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05664551632256633,0.0,0.08236684048667944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692184289335091,0.0,0.1609692616114868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431220577815787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776662978827236,0.0,0.0,0.05841433973514399,0.08581023628070973,0.08456944197402001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04995602317901265,0.08003396399552952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0433994191452194,0.05840441782723917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05356715182309254,0.0,0.07498435579419548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04738313897740394 bpd,21blakey21,2020/02/02,want what’s not there ?? idk if this is BPD but does anyone else like want their FP around when they’re not there and crave their touch and want to be with them but as soon as youre with them you feel annoyed and want to be alone ?? is this a part of splitting?! like i’m texting my bf right now and i’m looking forward to seeing him and the idea of cuddling sounds wonderful but i feel like as soon as we’re together i’ll be annoyed and wanna be alone,1.196517754868271,2.9730267731958837,2.1164261168384897,99.08524627720509,80.23711340206184,5.135853379152349,20.0561282932417,5.82211442006289,-0.3360483390607105,355,9,85,2,9,111,59,97,0.106,0.691,0.204,0.836,0,2,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,4,0,7,5,2,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,24,17,15,0,6,6,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,9,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,6,9,3,13,13,1,7,0,0,2,1,8,3,0,2,8,52,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41753327849810734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094304481407713,0.20653318528994224,0.0,0.17944081713167834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538714648063156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639603390037456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838660375016878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20384058511961636,0.14400227568256252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22754898622891526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29543204809304835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692687707894277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21828161818331784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721404286429978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062589247893125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4755669060033434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185950190013602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,beutriss,2020/02/02,"Does anyone else go through phases where life’s not good enough? I always seem to go through “phases” where I’m depressed or angry and not happy with life. Life is too “boring”. As in a have a job, a new car, a roof over my head, and a caring boyfriend so now I’m bored and depressed and want to take off for no reason. I want to go drink and party. I’m in a “my boyfriends not good enough for me” phase for no reason. I know it’s a phase and it will pass, but I’ve dealt with this for years. I want life to be exciting, I want to be chasing someone, etc",1.8001666666666658,2.6576260166666685,3.081666666666667,96.71666666666668,76.33333333333334,5.666666666666668,20.833333333333336,5.033348758259628,-0.3456666666666668,422,9,104,1,9,137,67,120,0.157,0.728,0.115,-0.4473,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,7,0,5,6,1,2,0,21,19,10,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,8,1,0,4,1,0,5,5,4,0,0,0,0,8,5,18,16,3,14,0,2,0,0,0,6,0,2,3,62,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458500426553215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046927223184728,0.15341318506090618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265683403844207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25791959342256265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310272601217945,0.0,0.0,0.1466756300889317,0.0,0.0,0.125077842413735,0.0,0.0,0.3094163934180956,0.16698537908033004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25528021260637146,0.25116810181219545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593873623005047,0.0,0.0,0.15366327817605224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858111822933068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228613985549446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.423026927566777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446074389393576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078889465228282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630599705775773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686334977104152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125762020686001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532518692195196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641939191195367 bpd,DistortedAttention,2020/02/02,"ADHD and/or BPD confusion I am seeking some advice or direction from anyone diagnosed with BPD who also has a basic understanding of psychology. I was diagnosed with ADHD and at the age of 29, and really screwed up my life with indirection and chasing excitement. As I am slowly replacing bad life lessons fit for neurotypicals with life lessons fit for ADHD people and reading up on different parts of psychology, I came into contact with BPD. It fits me as a glove. I exibited the exact same symptoms at certain parts of my life and became obsessed especially with 3 people in my life. In between obsessions, it was always like I was on the lookout for anyone to complete or repair me. I am not sure though whether my symptoms are strong enough to be classified as BPD. ADHD also has some major overlap in many of the symptoms. Since starting on ADHD meds (Concerta), my symptoms have decreased by probably 90% (as an estimated guess) so that now I don't get obsessed with anyone for longer than 20 minutes and my fear of being abandoned by my favourite people is just a small irritation and not a full blown panic attack anymore. Does anyone have any insight for me? If you require more infornation, however personal, just ask.",7.38078795643818,8.365971860986548,8.03111146700833,65.85404708520183,63.57399103139014,10.67636130685458,38.35009609224856,10.608840637214634,4.564624855861627,987,50,151,24,14,329,133,223,0.122,0.8,0.079,-0.8501,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,4,7,15,2,6,9,0,15,12,0,0,3,39,21,19,0,1,8,0,0,1,0,0,11,0,0,1,4,16,0,2,4,1,0,1,3,10,0,0,4,0,19,5,40,15,9,21,0,1,0,1,5,17,1,8,4,115,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5075963116319433,0.0825453321087022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510489989193056,0.07028770196727184,0.0,0.0,0.057444045503853874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377380108572441,0.2362599225434712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897017671649455,0.0960994106810159,0.0,0.0,0.07053082345785468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4255595066096304,0.0,0.0,0.09661378200047248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856757600073094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147516744626787,0.0,0.08825555117335017,0.0,0.0,0.0739222594510665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728244371211258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505479708712118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044133278625896964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930557373591856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29832633935594005,0.04126888801749471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856416311246773,0.0,0.0,0.09382965759654567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911001729475807,0.0,0.18295048993969013,0.0,0.17568732388601546,0.07375793462719038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107540251079084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449513708334072,0.0,0.054115104121512984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987634101373692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978991292210395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796141220300806,0.3511961614900573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299358393665725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793862014530503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ElloMeter432,2020/02/02,"It. Hurts. SO. Bad It hurts so bad having your mom embrace and love you when you cant feel or give anything back besides negativity. Worst part is I dont even know why I cant love her, shes the best part of my life :(( Everybody grew up and got things done, meanwhile im still at the same spot mentally where I used to be and she keeps supporting and loving me, I honestly dont deserve her and she doesnt deserve me, that alone makes me feel 1000 times worse I am so sick of it....",0.3378342245989323,2.39492777450981,2.1400891265597157,96.2349465240642,84.98039215686273,5.6698752228164,20.057040998217467,6.980632752743323,0.1694196078431376,371,11,89,5,11,122,69,102,0.244,0.568,0.187,-0.8193,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,0,1,8,11,0,0,2,0,11,5,0,2,0,13,23,10,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,2,2,17,6,5,20,5,8,0,2,0,3,13,3,0,1,4,59,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740621768188007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506720421673426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686381232929223,0.2537951490508943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594944162784201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15552906956879609,0.3562406044311328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038184925410013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369206320106807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579378003275334,0.0,0.0,0.12155288614310565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253970634964428,0.0,0.16416528551994955,0.0,0.0,0.13508746998438467,0.0,0.0,0.08352464326657533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073484953821514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115056704997167,0.0,0.10144832798927192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316084554057965,0.0,0.0,0.17799801266706952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32916067462988685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137201993887578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724659493110174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009692543353698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862119508843369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312625674834805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713898401593733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488136407594935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,louisexxxxx,2020/02/02,BOYS WHEN YOU HAVE BPD🥴 do i really like this boy or am i obsessing over him and will never talk to him again after he tells me he likes me? guess we’ll find out in 2-4 weeks,0.9118699186991892,1.3947580731707347,3.2668292682926854,95.9828455284553,78.02439024390246,7.417886178861789,16.10569105691057,7.793537801064563,-0.280665040650407,135,1,37,2,3,47,37,41,0.059000000000000004,0.805,0.136,0.4927,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,6,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,8,2,5,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,2,7,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4554037396070061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304822046402981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983267216646547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35330440308701205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27887669811557003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316406556864057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29062838383321776,0.3160412899553065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900417338426807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,trygently,2020/02/02,"Probably my last post here. It’s been a while since I last posted on this sub, and truth be told ever since my very first post I’ve still been unable to get a proper diagnosis. I’ve talked about it countless of times to my counsellors and therapists about how a diagnosis could work as it’ll serve as a good frame of reference to navigate my emotions and behaviours but they’ve not conducted a formal diagnosis and have been really dismissive about it. It has been nearly a year since I’ve sought out professional help and it’s starting to wear me out. The least they could do is give me a yes or no, but it’s in the air - or worse - all in my head. I know that Thinking you have BPD is not the same as Having it. But I’m also baffled at how little experience my therapists have with BPD. It feels like I just go in, run my mouth for an hour, feel like I’ve made some progress, and find myself back in the same spot a week later. Oh and, I brought it up through text that I preferred the approach my previous therapist was taking and the clinic’s admin actually made my current therapist reply to it, putting me in this awkward position where I still need her services but now we may have to go through an entire transferral process. There’s too much going on in my head and I don’t know where to go from this. Really don’t want to lose hope, and if I don’t have BPD, then yeah I can finally put this to rest. I’ve genuinely learned a lot of helpful real life tips from this sub. And the best part is that every time I’m on here it’s safe for me to express myself. Thank you for giving me this supportive space and for making me feel like I’m not alone in this.",4.411499202551834,4.852542058479532,5.3779904306220105,84.19320574162681,69.93567251461988,9.142158426368953,27.826156299840523,9.218907990703514,2.0256035087719293,1312,42,283,25,22,432,177,342,0.036000000000000004,0.802,0.162,0.9921,1,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,2,1,5,18,12,0,1,18,2,25,6,4,5,3,57,53,27,0,7,11,0,3,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,22,16,0,1,10,0,0,9,7,2,0,1,9,3,32,10,43,39,10,51,0,1,0,0,12,20,0,7,22,190,54,4,0.0,0.0,0.08727516128435364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926271597413246,0.0,0.07152072944334552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876960244659783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385597971947968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379188285393437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281232603257707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060176384040644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089861654171115,0.07535241521053336,0.0,0.0,0.08748409247808209,0.0,0.0,0.13566229624299536,0.19167605285129544,0.0,0.0979711124115748,0.0817415037343354,0.07607293161500726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04672582981927935,0.1715874245790986,0.2033107270328658,0.07501340712848664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18357117744413226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989210706893542,0.0,0.0,0.08882862837240874,0.08807495756966285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830171372043373,0.145802092232958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317022526930348,0.1310795230974411,0.0896368543915576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005431799631312,0.0,0.07603400529895425,0.0,0.1692501539887057,0.0596982166304496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574464070819683,0.06631454120939398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684883748087954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25696055869764445,0.0,0.09642550680439252,0.0,0.0,0.17981272910056453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179602946700812,0.11458804895363728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22194340327250794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330219242919392,0.0,0.14284499868647374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148919955027784,0.0,0.0,0.06724360631641838,0.07188405544638526,0.0,0.08233926260690685,0.0,0.41536134480402426,0.0,0.0573060100674069,0.0,0.0,0.10429994081318164,0.0,0.0,0.08545848794791054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379282069288139,0.05275077944506747,0.0,0.07173895337517261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510937397261594,0.0,0.09114138604239322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05759287941731229 bpd,External-East,2020/02/02,"is this a symptom of BPD? hi, i'm just wondering if this is a symptom of BPD. someone in another post said it might be. do any of you get obsessed with people but not in a romantic way? so like i'm currently obsessed with someone and i cannot stop thinking about them at all. it's someone who's ""famous"" and i've studied them completely. i can tell you where they were born, their birthday and literally every fact about them. i've sat for hours googling things about them and watching videos and i cant stop thinking about them at all and it's gotten to a point where it's making me depressed. i get this feeling almost that i have to google them once more or rewatch a video once more and then the feeling will go away but it doesn't and it's exhausting me :( I've googled about what mental illness this might be but i can't find anything that helps me and i feel really alone.",1.571175438596491,3.876849766666673,2.658070175438599,92.8792105263158,81.8888888888889,5.567251461988303,24.47368421052632,6.8360192770164,0.8439999999999999,698,27,147,8,19,222,101,180,0.11900000000000001,0.782,0.099,-0.6724,1,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,8,0,9,5,0,2,6,0,15,4,0,1,3,34,30,16,0,1,7,0,3,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,15,11,0,2,7,2,0,1,5,4,0,0,4,5,20,1,18,21,4,17,0,1,1,0,15,8,0,6,7,98,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801580261199126,0.14274924433689093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937284249452033,0.1445256910144777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134214972965558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949485296966953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471815218193721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451105117946772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871188861702865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612685048642801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20907140333112512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597318023810394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440198947337583,0.0,0.0783313790754653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923838522839468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357337704533324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733627200508098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200190674155752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889918254121075,0.29242950932090184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935667064297446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555325248096876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029292550396945,0.0,0.13200205238906568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829676654153487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110691157156792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35034611324613474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23046237849820314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865141441079037,0.0,0.0,0.12046859353760205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156744231516202,0.1766304754659342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940221979479256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946963696161494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sqberti,2020/02/02,I dont know what i want!!!! I've been talking to/having sex with this guy for like not even a month and i couldnt decide what i wanted from him but now here i am fucking crying at work because we cant hang out tonight as if im in love with him or some dumb shit when yesterday i was thinking about how its not going to last!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What the fuck do i want!!!!!!!!!!!! im so confused!!!!!!!!,1.489317269076306,2.037681566265064,3.311024096385541,95.96284136546188,76.71084337349397,6.015261044176707,22.26706827309237,5.46131890053228,-0.07170522088353426,282,7,72,1,6,95,63,83,0.222,0.693,0.084,-0.9361,0,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,1,0,0,1,7,7,4,1,2,0,7,5,1,1,0,20,16,8,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,2,0,10,2,10,13,1,11,0,0,0,4,6,3,4,4,7,47,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237793358623887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385386451628252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545083899690575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343127941057887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015194549714433,0.0,0.0,0.12341629891143005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150212638363896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4691373413001272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934474743249228,0.177013331854603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060927762468488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959942135723362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333400993683612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229102944271705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454394469806336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914653242585118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842574993744008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809412670766715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PaIIas-Athena,2020/02/02,"How to deal with intense, negative feelings towards close friends (devaluating/splitting)? Hii all, Since a few weeks I’ve noticed that I’m pretty much splitting (extremely devaluating) on one of my closest friends. It started when we went clubbing together and she “accidentally” lost me while being pretty drunk. That’s when the first thoughts slipt into my mind (“what a fucking bitch” “why am I even friends with this retard” “I fucking hate her” “She’s so fucking annoying all the time”) Then she bought the same shoes as me. And yes I know it’s stupid and childish but I can’t help the thoughts and feelings of disgust when she showed them to me. And now she cancelled a techno rave that we would go to together and that’s just it. I’m so disgusted and filled with hatred towards her while she has been one of my (few) closest friends for over 5 years. I hate that this keeps happening to me. My boyfriend said that it’s like I have a wheel of fortune with people that are close to me on it and once every while I spin it and devaluate one of these persons completely. This is like the first time I’m actually realising what I’m doing but it’s still so hard to stop it. Does anyone have any tips or tricks on how to not completely push her off. TLDR: How do I stop splitting on people/how do I cope with these intense negative feelings I have for people that are important to me?",3.608011960562472,5.625996208178441,4.280598028123485,85.20406174236304,73.90706319702602,7.20614191045741,29.16777113302085,8.04050195162591,1.955940552771941,1096,47,215,17,23,349,135,269,0.20600000000000002,0.69,0.10400000000000001,-0.9866,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,2,0,1,3,14,18,11,0,9,1,15,5,1,3,2,41,38,26,0,1,5,0,4,2,4,1,0,1,0,1,23,19,1,3,6,4,1,4,4,12,0,5,7,5,32,6,30,29,6,35,0,1,0,3,20,13,4,1,20,152,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.11765288571251105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198752419714966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430101826241508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528177191126157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429599278815555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550620142249006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963125855478095,0.0,0.1015802086694731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18288205258505086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20510302811025974,0.0,0.0,0.37258919799333984,0.3343778950972061,0.0,0.0,0.0685191908548601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066141778288892,0.0,0.10800149141288637,0.2380636012963368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081137956798258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716265270833683,0.0,0.0,0.06625871622289163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780277399497603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160963917279128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173507786692432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862827161384225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372626952495936,0.0,0.1283965214445758,0.24509147088929806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716752904958967,0.10527166735798317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245313473755224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146837908689043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973162839458592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533568430722027,0.0,0.09628241333354276,0.2015934850575026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19142839393396133,0.14060345275483166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670901500926228,0.0,0.0,0.11176385850382467,0.10879008481373467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564507052655615,0.0,0.0,0.07763913993653361 bpd,rwnvllge,2020/02/02,"Sex As Self Harm? So I don't really know where to start. I know that one of the symptoms of this disorder is having risky and impulvise sex (or reckless things of this nature) but I was wondering if anyone else could relate to not understanding where this feeling comes from. Last night I felt empty. Actually, for a while I've felt empty. So I've been abusing pills and smoking a lot to get high. I've even occasionally cut myself to help deal with not feeling like myself. Something I did a lot before meeting my girlfriend was have unsafe, reckless sex. Often times I put myself in dangerous situations and have even been raped as a result. I just don't understand why it's something I keep doing when I am not attracted to men and nor do I ever enjoy the sex that I'm having. I immediately feel worse after. Hate every second of it during. I was just wondering if this is a form of self-harm? Last night I cheated on my girlfriend with a random person from a random app. I didn't even get their name. And I deleted the app afterwards. I didn't enjoy it. I just wanted it to end. Then I drove home and I felt nothing. I. Felt. NOTHING. The worst part is that girlfriend broke up with me. I know this post doesn't make a lot of sense. And it's not perfectly written or well thought out. I can't think straight at the moment. I just want help understanding what is wrong with me and why I did this. I lost the only good thing in my life over something that didn't even make me momentarily happy. It did nothing for me except put me in a place of deeper self hatred. I want to take it back. I want to kill myself. Without her I don't have a reason to live. But I don't deserve her. I don't deserve anyone. You know what I deserve? The men that don't give two shits about me. The men that use my body like a toy and then throw me away. Then men that treat me like the worthless person that I am. I feel like I'm only good to be used. Please. Someone. Just help me. Please help me.",1.0610370370370354,3.371299449382714,2.8375308641975323,90.74888888888893,84.1358024691358,5.279012345679012,19.8641975308642,6.640361216903883,0.22703456790123466,1547,44,325,17,45,512,180,405,0.22399999999999998,0.654,0.122,-0.9941,0,0,3,0,0,2,48.0,0,1,1,2,19,26,7,0,20,0,34,10,2,6,2,72,74,25,1,7,17,0,8,4,3,0,3,0,1,8,25,15,0,1,20,1,0,5,17,13,1,3,19,8,55,13,40,53,6,37,0,3,0,5,23,14,1,12,21,225,80,0,0.0,0.09099655135824017,0.07494663551040727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740200124470986,0.0786916355214456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721570081229119,0.05905517965149585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535194044012631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530852709579356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615720651163279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06131929857273063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917839337711627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802052713176974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415732769724368,0.0,0.0680228341537342,0.0,0.0,0.2029051773442572,0.06947084414422956,0.06470810153203531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553314447379726,0.1097332089887908,0.2949637727494167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802506391246203,0.07367445662002274,0.0,0.1288339637468047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175602518060276,0.0,0.07582502480325551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059121957917508,0.0811444062437415,0.07703760143410691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682642012919707,0.08496885740721177,0.0,0.16883114507803368,0.12520602772231493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054246772835440986,0.1500842331447803,0.0,0.06781663412785456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838372947421086,0.1958802297587517,0.0,0.0,0.10253044317721023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441449528317712,0.0,0.22107771016968167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05204230230367255,0.11682114622310012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316793020452916,0.0,0.0,0.1341192310799839,0.08024063256203459,0.1686087311252363,0.0,0.0,0.07355406757911671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441230780569873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04920064662382115,0.07896415406289051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403603797902157,0.0,0.07883505782084949,0.0,0.08632747063727512,0.0,0.0,0.06507318440229964,0.17737533958201793,0.0,0.0,0.05436009825914808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982557974163441,0.05774474637270505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204625940579998,0.04921093912487157,0.0,0.06097136495898811,0.04478324378235188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502335550280577,0.2398574507760529,0.0,0.13266270113473866,0.0,0.0,0.18119672913938792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905326547770535,0.0,0.1386017994255493,0.0,0.0,0.07403336229099199,0.16657467939508122,0.0,0.0,0.07826671574260563,0.0,0.08396976782306673,0.0,0.0 bpd,off0noff,2020/02/02,"I feel insane for feeling the way I do I don't know to coherently put my thoughts into words but I've been battling these thoughts for almost a month probably. And I don't know what to do. Basically I've been *personally* having problems with my relationship. I wouldn't say I'm in a toxic relationship and my s/o is amazing and I don't doubt that. I don't want to disclose anything specific for personal reasons so this is mostly vague but I'll try to be as open as I'm comfortable with. But I'm just battling with my mind mostly recently. It's from the little things??? When I notice things that feel as if they're different from before. For example, a ""lack"" of attention. It makes me feel like I'm being disregarded, like I'm not a priority anymore. Or like I'm not cared about as much anymore. And it's stupid because I know it's all just in my head based on logic but sometimes I wonder what if what I'm feeling is actually a genuine concern. And its things like that that has my mind going ""break up break up break up break up"" in the middle of the night. I know it's ridiculous to think shit like that because of minuscule and petty things but I can't control what my brain keeps saying to me even though I know how illogical it is. and it's painful . I end up crying almost every night because I don't know how to handle my thoughts. I don't know what to do. I feel like there are thoughts in my head that are of genuine concern that I should talk abt with my s/o, thats for sure. But I feel so disoriented bc of my thoughts that it makes me feel insane for even bringing it up. For example: maybe I'm just clingy and needy and I'm just overreacting. Maybe I'm being delusional and not considering alot of things. So I just don't. I dont know how to express what I've been feeling. I feel lonely and misunderstood, but at the same time I feel like I'm the one who is misunderstanding",2.033471156578571,3.986906657289005,3.8560635123614695,86.7613558539358,78.33503836317134,6.901989201477694,24.927607274793967,7.8897218956490685,1.3431261153736855,1497,55,318,25,36,504,156,391,0.161,0.733,0.106,-0.9713,2,2,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,0,1,17,20,5,1,12,0,29,5,4,7,2,89,73,33,0,7,18,0,11,7,0,2,1,2,0,2,33,17,0,3,29,0,0,3,13,9,0,1,8,13,37,11,46,60,7,31,0,1,0,0,9,16,1,10,14,204,70,0,0.0,0.0,0.07609358725236838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561639331894142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546630057395613,0.0,0.0,0.06416782278134489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260082372728375,0.0,0.0663520590100644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704730098156144,0.0,0.0,0.07950199987386304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745701260074164,0.0,0.0,0.08565326654649533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146860140501629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138760283248384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906382695607184,0.0,0.0,0.1030051763568393,0.0,0.0656983670625121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336985722901612,0.16711877969848474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04431570884301345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16005228981879074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930888787532688,0.0,0.0,0.34282973161960434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666668533070737,0.07815270347595027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409952589326912,0.0,0.15667527952596785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574675999358955,0.0,0.06223991145987465,0.0,0.05732152745963081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635088647534808,0.0,0.0,0.08877649548683797,0.0,0.0,0.05283873577765518,0.0,0.08297224459375192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617173530075458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407160304714667,0.07461275548817613,0.0,0.07838768436256817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017258821658031,0.0769921553943484,0.16743465542764138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401971267490786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004151634002707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712052076787396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349170774696269,0.0,0.0,0.06267436879711878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590198309434044,0.04996404260934987,0.07661128528480561,0.3095222252344137,0.045468587682275234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05294076601169625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045992421890296696,0.06189393033071135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456193406323613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,OueThereYet,2020/02/02,"24M - I feel like a fraud (socially) I recently started going out to clubs and enjoying the nightlife and although I'm a nondrinker; I'm still able to have a lot of fun. My default personality is this really quiet, shy, awkward kid who's all in my head. I don't dare to take risks talking or dancing with new people even though I want to. This is who I've been for as long as I can remember. I hate it and I feel like I'm wasting my life with social anxiety. Almost always towards the end of the night, I become a completely different person. I get into a type of flow state where I'm extremely social I literally become the person I wish I always was. I'm able to speak my mind freely, I'm able to meet people easily and my personality really comes out. I'm no longer lost in my thoughts and uncomfortable. Does this happen to others? How do I make this my new default personality? Now I don't think I lack social skills 'cause I'm really social around 2-3 good friends am able to hold conversations with anyone if they start it. Though I am quite serious around strangers. **The worst thing about it is when I meet people during this state and say I plan to meet them again to hang out or a date etc. I go back this quiet, shy kid and I feel like I'm a fraud because I'm not the same person as they thought I was** **Background info:** - I probably do have some childhood trauma of being bullied then turning it around becoming a bully (I still beat myself over this). * When I lived at home I rarely talked to my family at all. My best relationship was with my younger brother and even then we aren't that close (jr of 7 years) with everyone else it felt like we were roommates. I was really an asshole to my siblings so maybe this is how I push myself away because I believe I'm a bad person? - Around 11y/o I got into video games and really isolated myself from face to face contact. I wasn't really off but I would rather stay home and play video games than literally anything else. Into my college years, I made no new friends and would always rush home right after classes. * I work a very isolated job which is also nightshift. The only social contact I make is greeting my coworkers in the mornings and when I sign out. I don't take lunch with everyone and usually just go for a walk. I've held part-time jobs when I was younger that involved people and I never had a problem with my social skills. ****All advice or opinions are welcome even criticism I'd be down to hear your thoughts****",1.286314553990611,3.8154357585513097,3.0968380281690138,87.61333215962446,85.78068410462777,6.049751844399732,21.96542588866533,7.42949916751922,1.055446170355467,1960,68,388,34,60,651,243,497,0.099,0.809,0.092,0.2536,3,0,1,0,0,0,63.0,2,1,3,8,27,21,1,2,21,0,31,5,3,6,4,79,71,35,0,8,8,1,4,4,2,2,1,5,3,9,20,36,1,2,10,7,0,10,9,9,0,0,17,9,61,12,56,50,10,64,0,1,0,0,43,24,0,8,31,246,81,6,0.23954717346121115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05852068137287394,0.0,0.0,0.05996797292597196,0.0,0.0,0.04789144701773013,0.14949182853277068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04581323300709494,0.0,0.0,0.0418742383583213,0.0,0.04928172825415364,0.2132477713304904,0.0,0.0,0.05626561371938989,0.04604924750677356,0.050002970986997824,0.07301286677273766,0.19842077461673804,0.0,0.0674719084277877,0.06284749491534769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061520233362622086,0.0,0.05158716974513078,0.0627901634495957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256895281251779,0.0,0.0,0.05240733644395529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005546270245637,0.0,0.053041923579656286,0.0,0.06678960496120932,0.118663986635948,0.0,0.0,0.11444879490539048,0.0,0.0,0.05645593899668725,0.0,0.09084168636691006,0.1283494114383583,0.05750071313399836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253677599683784,0.0,0.0312883777971269,0.0,0.10210513428358878,0.050230200965149616,0.04789693941692102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05295769359376494,0.0,0.0,0.059125810047110976,0.06146112733310484,0.0,0.06749676856226393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802140098482033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885680346250968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042299813216801686,0.11703064895804167,0.0,0.05288113571847848,0.052997927600807807,0.0,0.0,0.06537350929521549,0.05091361014718348,0.0,0.05666633188433549,0.0799497991998225,0.0,0.06016433326756921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046858949319595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046188386947024734,0.17351711463131775,0.0,0.056199698730696336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04554660495657522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485156128921239,0.0,0.16607184827600158,0.3660358661769584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456809216324358,0.0573035733624877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369697635510292,0.0,0.0,0.2301900799127876,0.0,0.05913098365165261,0.0642960040675696,0.06784006265022316,0.05114299431808885,0.0,0.04762438176396954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4273293087994275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477636115919032,0.06383135353600933,0.0956513410809109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005483121463012,0.09626947207123172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03978612447078615,0.038373039065754115,0.11767694083910442,0.14263027353695365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651396342558291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595684214944282,0.04941287637874905,0.035322782340169084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886685686672339,0.0,0.0,0.04359829881820701,0.0,0.0,0.08508371954133757,0.0,0.0,0.0771302629232164 bpd,KingMajoraa,2020/02/02,"I think my girlfriend is finally leaving me She told me she doesn’t know if she’s still in love with me anymore. The only reason I think she hasn’t broken up with me is because she knows I’m still in love with her. I don’t want to be alone again. I tried to be as functioning as possible but I practically begged her to let me try fixing this by the end. This girl is the best thing to ever happen to me. It’s clear she still cares about me, but it’s very obvious she no longer loves me. This will break me.",1.679929292929291,2.9993353363636364,3.2293939393939404,93.67853535353537,77.45454545454545,6.707070707070707,20.404040404040398,7.3871296695380915,0.2851919191919192,397,9,95,5,9,131,65,110,0.057,0.737,0.20600000000000002,0.9631,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,3,0,10,3,0,1,3,15,22,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,24,5,15,17,1,11,0,0,0,3,15,3,0,1,7,68,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17927612202236604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166555186951318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551822648273487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18165445339906447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648376375224814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331242157027358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657600093832916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189619126316884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530689631465526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19025899178132516,0.0,0.0,0.18328455938622934,0.0,0.1770032456395913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.468679966292686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164794617055292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19514067779643696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797237982277336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4147060778876923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149978484161164,0.22182693029020772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16540144765295398,0.0,0.23504278273490076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282302041708264,0.102097000479976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rastaputin,2020/02/02,Are you guys easily influenced? Sometimes I realize after the fact that I changed something about myself or even started liking or disliking something just because of someone's offhand comment that had nothing to do with me. Anyone relate?,8.55116666666667,11.085412450000007,7.899999999999999,62.17166666666668,62.0,9.333333333333334,45.83333333333334,9.725611199111238,5.706083333333333,198,13,22,4,3,62,36,40,0.055,0.8140000000000001,0.131,0.4871,0,0,2,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,7,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,5,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23149319258283815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20181837678114667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3502302053673101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186698885991319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32781326362539553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174502283188846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176724477071685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805161735207812,0.5097506957590809,0.32743860612590103,0.0,0.2343344174091319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jadenblah,2020/02/02,"Advice I can’t afford help. In my city, DBT therapy costs hundreds of dollars even with insurance. And i feel a bit alone. What’s everyone’s best advice for self help? I really want to overcome this illness 😞",1.7397560975609778,4.397217121951222,3.725073170731708,82.96078048780491,85.09756097560975,7.182439024390242,25.27317073170732,8.238735603445708,2.2055521951219514,166,7,30,4,5,56,36,41,0.11800000000000001,0.623,0.258,0.7243,1,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,5,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5272108315093942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793890145466361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283095473901654,0.0,0.2945070091036198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817330442532128,0.0,0.0,0.2577663268429056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363982780151917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36162760187674775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728145511823107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814175151873228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084929765849544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911087338619054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,disastrouss0ul,2020/02/02,"FP is suicidal and idk what to do My FP is telling me that he nearly killed himself the other day and I don’t know how to respond, I’m trying to be as supportive as can be but I’m also upset cause I have no clue what to do or say. I’m on a family trip at the moment so I can’t be there physically, just virtually. I’m just wanting some advice as I have undiagnosed BPD/misdiagnosis on my current disorder and I’m still trying to understand my own mental disorder so I’m feeling just as lost.",1.1548113207547177,2.9858869339622665,4.685509433962263,80.34958490566041,80.60377358490567,8.013584905660379,24.75094339622641,8.841846274778883,2.02854641509434,389,15,82,10,10,145,65,106,0.21100000000000002,0.754,0.035,-0.9594,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,9,4,1,1,3,0,12,0,0,2,0,15,24,13,2,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,2,9,1,13,20,2,9,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,2,4,58,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205656087249416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16830233987918794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26506315010604353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21619725169318385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357273164359355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4824037756066305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984000740195112,0.0,0.10641335301800424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328394236997581,0.0,0.11566163098482216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297386123335407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21209109677606905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736380680267227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16807118513812866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23020573518037515,0.2388240428994512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18394864291501367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28577289670046696,0.0,0.0,0.21909309800074706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413295669877801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thirst_for_health,2020/02/02,"Does anyone else has fluctuating confidence according to varying social circumstances? Whenever i have to do something professional, im the best that i can be. I feel great and i generally come off as this very well adjusted person thru my thinking, processing, etc. But literally anything involving casual socializing, i am reduced to a mind of a 5 year old. Underlying anxiety overtake my being, i become shy, i stumble on my words and im oversensitive towards peering eyes of strangers. This sucks, and i wish that my ""work persona"" is me 24/7",6.9655803571428585,8.929858802083338,8.196071428571429,60.72750000000002,65.14583333333334,12.152380952380955,40.79761904761904,11.765960540728905,5.941674404761906,439,26,65,16,7,150,75,96,0.063,0.75,0.187,0.9229999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,1,5,1,0,3,0,8,1,1,0,0,12,13,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,13,4,11,11,2,7,0,0,1,0,4,4,1,0,2,46,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858082029034034,0.0,0.0,0.13580592933375993,0.1990054294879318,0.15982979433461522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21450513690832496,0.0,0.0,0.2038260942262953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16730676911628412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699667219920677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622492208807685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21661108899403414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820548482766278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21413263400427146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4195904751507375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611086227657226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038054049025177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958889599129945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3959737960158502,0.0,0.14952311597957738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445088999809398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16025513205153444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17463069185021407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233480025845497,0.0,0.0,0.14139737749286038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507388130156993 bpd,throwaway39572195,2020/02/02,"My boyfriend has all the signs and symptoms of bpd. So my boyfriend of many years has all the symptoms of bpd, it has got so bad I actually had to move out of the house we were living in together and now we live apart. I've tried so hard to be supportive but I have my own mental health problems. I convinced him to see a psychologist but he doesn't think there's anything wrong with him at all and that his behavior is normal. He has been downplaying his symptoms when he sees his psychologist (He denies he is doing it, but I sat outside in the waiting room one of the times and could hear what he was saying) and I don't think the psychologist realises the true extent of what's going on at all because he's reduced my bf's sessions from weekly to fortnightly to monthly because he's apparently 'doing well' but every time I see him he's just as bad as he was before. It seems like the psychologist hasn't diagnosed him with anything and hasn't done any kinda of therapy apart from talking with him and it's been months. Is there anything I can do? Should I try and talk to the psychologist? I just want my bf to get better.",3.806013931888547,5.1256985745614045,4.908132094943242,83.76153250773993,72.02631578947368,7.996284829721363,27.88544891640868,8.4952907291091,1.8931049535603712,897,33,183,15,17,295,116,228,0.094,0.82,0.085,-0.628,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,0,0,1,10,10,0,0,10,0,26,5,0,0,5,36,40,18,0,5,6,0,1,1,2,1,5,2,1,0,7,14,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,4,1,1,9,6,24,6,27,28,6,19,0,0,3,0,26,9,0,2,9,122,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.1161578932129153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094572455923282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938591558952457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19877320820562192,0.14512139461153722,0.0,0.10128731819918542,0.0,0.0,0.10527397851406277,0.0,0.0,0.2998328399701161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503722864935056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081479943750408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181088662662135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028944857337722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062189217075737886,0.0,0.06764853072794495,0.0,0.09520062631485768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662913731694043,0.0,0.0,0.12652526658451793,0.13415752070134235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373467475583546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058152938446959436,0.0,0.21021456911134576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067959042606892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995608565978405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900201383583057,0.1265119950968701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662591822097484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065904696555473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389738343617345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946588869138904,0.0,0.0,0.28455886653962204,0.10836210534558398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507590739610434,0.0,0.3711589361206311,0.0,0.19134654839645515,0.0,0.0,0.13612326861404458,0.0,0.0,0.15254157769311302,0.0,0.0,0.13881683183165788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162959500388513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702080559406161,0.0,0.09548015223036344,0.0,0.10702390818128936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014261757688436,0.0,0.07665259437772934 bpd,hoffmanni,2020/02/02,"I've felt like a ghost lately. I headed to bed with my partner and the tears I kept fighting back all day, all week, finally rolled out. He handed me my meds and a drink. I got internally upset that he didn't notice I was crying, but decided to take my meds anyway and was ready to lay down right after...but without a single word, he wiped my face and sat with me. It honestly meant so much to me and it was such a relief to not have a barrage of ""what's wrong""s and ""did I do something""s. I didn't think I would have the energy to vent but being allowed the space upfront made me more willing to think out loud for once. There are people out there that do and will think you are worth it. There are people that will adapt. I'm so lucky and I'm thankful.",3.250362485615653,3.984084968354432,4.276375143843499,89.98628883774457,72.73417721518987,7.011277330264673,23.224395857307247,6.980632752743323,0.5769797468354425,587,14,131,5,11,191,94,158,0.040999999999999995,0.775,0.184,0.9782,1,0,2,0,2,0,20.0,0,1,0,0,8,7,1,1,8,0,18,4,3,2,2,31,31,12,1,1,4,0,2,1,1,4,0,1,1,1,7,13,1,1,6,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,12,3,16,5,16,14,5,11,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,6,89,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445812968851401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20636308226854605,0.12115867568910828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840381421416757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803817852587352,0.20579911994502764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025440502485338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280574567004488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21192216335025726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178232859410444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17776430155814416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173557795765034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810386414730985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138878291549892,0.0,0.20007222787586668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604866517345046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604373948732752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125260662258066,0.0,0.0,0.17296269649605353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36113277115469056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069557859428392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810970877444104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334553294283013,0.2054030769474042,0.0,0.0 bpd,xthrowawayx2020,2020/02/02,"Breaking through a jealousy delusion Has anybody here ever managed to break through a jealousy delusion of their partner with diagnosed BPD but unwilling to seek treatment? Our relationship is basically over because of this. She has a fixed idea that I have had an affair with an old friend of mine. Even that I had sex with her while she was in the shower in the next room. She has some ‚evidence‘ for that and has become physically violent when accusing me. Obviously none of this has ever happened., not even close. The therapeut has no idea how to break that delusion, neither has anybody else managed to get ‚through‘ to her, my sister tried, friends of mine, i think even some of her friends. I’m just wondering: has anybody here ever managed to get through to person with/or being released from such a fixed idea?",6.693422818791947,8.021677570469798,6.218315436241614,77.0188825503356,65.24161073825503,8.913020134228189,38.38993288590604,9.120678840339163,3.6554075167785225,654,35,111,11,10,202,86,149,0.087,0.833,0.08,0.3527,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,1,0,12,4,1,0,9,0,14,2,0,1,4,20,20,5,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,2,6,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,15,3,24,16,4,15,0,0,0,1,16,5,0,3,7,89,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950792795682912,0.1722591750909126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19644167899284368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830862323855124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029486077067345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090547422323663,0.4232576834297804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615114863002572,0.0,0.16297820103796476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792580888971673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5282212982309411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587833349543046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16366671415697273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618901509349374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16745590239300284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994076579883326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589496807841693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16914532944795735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sisklep-i,2020/02/02,"Am I BDP or just an Arsehole? I came out of an abusive relationship over a year ago. At least that's how I saw it, my ex was definitely manipulative but she did say to me on more that one occasion that she thought I had BPD. At the time I put this down to another way for her to control me. Since I've left that relationship, I have started a new one and as far as I can tell I'm exhibiting signs of BPD. I don't know if I can trust my own rational or irrational thoughts anymore. Am I BPD? Or do I have PTSD from the trauma that I suffered after an abusive relationship. BPD would seem to remove some responsibility for my incapability to express complex emotions.... is this how BPD presents? Thanks for your time.",2.062232142857141,4.229574409722225,4.3186507936507965,82.42000000000003,79.20833333333333,7.7253968253968255,27.6468253968254,8.634040054169528,2.141090873015874,561,25,119,13,14,194,93,144,0.135,0.7959999999999999,0.068,-0.8977,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,7,0,13,0,0,4,0,21,22,10,0,2,6,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,1,5,0,0,3,1,2,0,2,7,2,21,2,20,14,4,20,0,1,1,0,11,8,0,6,8,84,29,0,0.0,0.26717876856299955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994537724250263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822738394686215,0.0,0.0,0.11181692582944547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7100184540076516,0.0,0.0,0.12895506657259648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645783320297374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126827692569534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061964020564150485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250235327608484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889389556860077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528035737083948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179780009869768,0.1133441038003731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631513888736437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966270212613706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264265184314596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932673167398812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980447552712465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854778456158224,0.10380432992086908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902056686978507,0.1314899493159955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949507975728868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009380823910632,0.0,0.0,0.07260679858974145 bpd,meowmeowfuzzyfaze,2020/02/02,"The worst kind of invalidation/though love is when it's coming from your siblings (or other close childhood relatives) Because they were actually there when you grew up, had the same parents, grew up in the same household. So if they say your experiences aren't true, they must be right, right? Then it must be me who's the problem, who's exaggerating, who's in the wrong. This is still the hardest part in my recovery because as I'm trying to learn to validate my own feelings/experiences, these people are constantly there to remind me I'm the one making a problem out of everything. They are not even bad people, it's like they have the luxury of not being able to imagine feeling so awful all your life, that for them it can't be true.",5.1528671328671365,6.389680545454546,5.912874125874126,78.14008041958044,68.72027972027972,8.796923076923079,29.68461538461539,9.120678840339163,2.4615544055944056,590,22,111,11,10,193,90,143,0.14800000000000002,0.764,0.08800000000000001,-0.8512,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,4,6,0,8,10,0,0,9,1,15,2,0,1,5,20,21,8,0,5,4,1,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,11,3,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,5,0,1,2,2,14,5,16,13,6,18,0,0,0,1,16,9,0,2,7,85,25,1,0.18345196229466748,0.0,0.17902265193588834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531747257224631,0.22366122695055285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802762156999145,0.0,0.19824639873694502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121168290918965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487479465963215,0.35890244159167234,0.0,0.0,0.09275882425090076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910369883813494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957754628779575,0.08962536226063042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557255841374738,0.0,0.12245560935952375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431179742496785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20370169405219815,0.19866059790190527,0.0,0.25436498379779915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510775043746293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133339468703073,0.0,0.14588836363932806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650497406308174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18024062151802314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245518402950075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005759219977097,0.0,0.0 bpd,PinkyOutYo,2020/02/02,"I fucked it all up I'm a recovering alcoholic. I drank this weekend. Two days. I went to a funeral of a woman who was so important to me. &#x200B; I just feel like it's never going to get better again. I'm scared. And I'm having that really annoying feeling that being Borderline makes me an inherently bad person.",1.272738095238097,3.8681541111111097,4.525694444444444,76.64187500000003,87.25396825396825,8.229365079365081,23.74801587301588,8.841846274778883,2.621858730158731,251,10,45,8,8,91,48,63,0.237,0.625,0.139,-0.8293,1,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,2,1,4,0,3,3,0,1,2,7,14,2,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,1,2,0,2,1,0,2,1,4,0,1,3,2,6,2,5,10,1,7,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,5,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27218915427680523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759595506060583,0.3094796387296761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126578558056696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252550909152105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16425579068042015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25756067235260205,0.1819525926269347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354593965447544,0.13306647990386167,0.0,0.14474779194716286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244300407541514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17000942678335124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19643479452112828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22238793562144726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316273431938658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549919319095591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487978646956753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361027842869847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094796387296761,0.0 bpd,ApprehensiveHedonist,2020/02/02,"Why can't I be hedonistic just for a moment? I'm struggling at the moment, family life isn't great at the moment and I'm wanting to escape into a fantasy world. (I have ASD as well so that only feeds into my want for fantasy). An opportunity has arisen, where I can do just that and be hedonistic just for a moment. However I know that what i want to do won't last and because I always feel inadequate, I'll just end up hating myself and drinking to excess and probably do something silly etc. Everyone else lives to excess, am I not allowed to? I'm 21 I should be allowed, right? How did escaping into fantasy pan out for you? How do I navigate this feeling safely? Because the way I see I get this out of my system or I find a more problematic form of release. Thank you for reading",2.93293178519594,4.559910314465412,5.581257861635223,76.83208998548625,74.78616352201256,8.414320270924044,27.32510885341074,9.057496981413335,2.42526763425254,616,24,117,14,13,221,94,159,0.09699999999999999,0.777,0.126,-0.5302,3,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,1,9,8,1,1,8,0,16,3,0,4,0,29,29,10,0,4,6,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,10,2,1,4,5,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,3,17,6,21,23,3,19,0,0,1,0,2,11,0,1,6,87,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16238901941172407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23793583815314584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911828143535895,0.0,0.0,0.16303140413601058,0.0,0.17285411602127415,0.0,0.217655344034466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18648404825818699,0.0,0.0,0.18397977997099232,0.0,0.1973578424401456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17837299597884215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196321175532068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21516494072235487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926804108902071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072550074632584,0.15908170772158134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378475049170275,0.0,0.0,0.17233013721856158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484282168936757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104158322481779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952131321978896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16666584612562765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551750678630674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024394827051815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040239393128714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17967740115983855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3453318378048178,0.15490917729193193,0.0,0.0,0.17547256463256136,0.0,0.1761018326913248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,t0niidk,2020/02/02,"How to deal with emotional invalidation? Let’s say, some ignorant and/or emotionally abusive person invalidates your thoughts, feelings, experiences, tells you that you’re exaggerating, that your problems aren’t that bad, belittles you, etc. or whatever it is. Best thing would be to minimize contact with that person but my problem is that I don’t know how to react to them, what to say, etc. How would you behave in the moment where the invalidation is happening? Would you say something back? What would be your coping mechanisms/skills?",6.692499999999999,9.555681293478266,6.723260869565216,67.34293478260872,67.58695652173913,10.252173913043476,33.23913043478261,10.411451182825502,4.220191304347827,437,20,67,13,8,139,61,92,0.147,0.812,0.040999999999999995,-0.8485,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,7,1,1,5,5,0,0,2,0,12,0,0,4,0,19,16,5,0,6,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,3,0,2,9,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,4,10,1,8,8,4,4,0,0,0,0,16,2,0,2,2,52,19,0,0.0,0.18472272197070905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988183473840733,0.1301747200844249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636133793078022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073189728155585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507457829634301,0.0,0.0,0.3477520618779035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250565865697874,0.0,0.0,0.07883058987224674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378668667843289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568167751068824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942410783578226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722616304015533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983613363389474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719473329053127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002379961659998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626842511706588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035767978181816,0.0,0.0,0.12377168507357825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4430036518396212,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,henloglop,2020/02/02,"First visit with a psychiatrist I’ve only found out about BPD after relentlessly making logs of all my symptoms/thought processes and googling them. Everything that seemed wrong with me/my tendencies made so much sense. I’ve been roughing it out with no diagnosis and help because I wasn’t able to afford it, but I’ve finally found a community mental health center that can help me!!! I am very afraid though, I have a ton of responsibilities and people depending on me, I am financially responsible for my mother and I, and I cannot afford to take any breaks from work or be any less productive than I am. I am getting help so that I can overcome the setbacks my mental health has on me so that I can do everything I’m supposed to be doing. I asked my mom what would happen if I had to start medication and it was a rough adjustment. Say I had to take work off or work less due to the fact my meds are causing adverse affects before it starts working for me, and she said it would be very difficult and detrimental to our state of living... I had a panic attack tonight after a stressful week and I cannot imagine having to go through that more often already with the stressors of my daily life... I know that prescription is not always the case for BPD care, but I would like to hear some of your stories of getting help and what worked for you. Thank you in advance!!!",8.032039757994813,6.718459101123598,8.109138576779028,73.5053154710458,62.857677902621724,11.061826562950161,35.894266781907234,10.035473477838034,3.3802292711034285,1088,41,208,19,13,355,149,267,0.105,0.799,0.095,-0.573,2,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,3,1,7,6,10,1,3,10,0,28,4,0,5,2,40,48,19,0,4,6,2,2,1,0,3,4,3,0,0,13,16,0,0,6,0,0,3,5,7,0,1,10,5,33,3,35,32,7,21,0,0,0,0,17,7,0,7,10,149,46,5,0.10650292765264284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752862902775693,0.0,0.08861896757864847,0.0,0.0,0.14485128588960816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995658605167911,0.12116245546672727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649231961726159,0.0,0.09062614712112334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682734181335497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858683278991203,0.1094078442808927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19143592805155368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166687514214939,0.0,0.0905913358542922,0.0,0.23354992598256175,0.0,0.0,0.11128676790454547,0.0,0.06052806814592782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418018719191207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264152635866725,0.12003653986153992,0.0,0.28554666968081066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05853122374571081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522616746682374,0.052031950780410334,0.0,0.09404403634137083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077564527798988,0.07109153121692581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830074325570833,0.1072904949337734,0.214659802635886,0.0,0.0,0.12473494166813565,0.0,0.0,0.0782919062086084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100027568555905,0.0,0.12495823826269226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383572006514899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130867312269212,0.08469540278388968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969562653647447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076664072020174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219987437902712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015389428380394,0.0,0.0,0.09805358666295366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046385856738224,0.08455142806373694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575213840465698,0.0,0.0,0.08543022440538622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876769988743519,0.0,0.0,0.22696987225848805,0.11644423227848545,0.0,0.0 bpd,OllyTransboy,2020/02/02,"First day on Seroquel ( Quétiapine ) Hey It's my first day on this med, and I feel so dizzy, tired and nervous. I feel so sensitive, I could kill someone. Im on low dose, like 50/100 cause I'm not bipolar, I'm just BPD and my psychiatrist think it can be enough. I'm french so excuse my English. I need some advice and experience. How was your first day ? Did the sleepy mood go away after ? ( When you are on low dosage ) Cause I feel like so angry inside. I'm afraid to take weight so much, and it's like, hard to deal with my eating disorders.",0.2286100386100393,2.5566369639639674,1.8534942084942079,95.89560810810814,89.27027027027027,4.973230373230374,16.937580437580436,6.5431188927421005,-0.3079014157014157,417,10,95,5,14,135,71,111,0.192,0.73,0.078,-0.9286,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,3,8,9,1,2,1,0,6,5,0,3,0,18,17,12,1,2,2,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,4,0,0,1,1,5,0,3,2,5,11,3,9,13,3,16,0,2,0,0,5,7,0,1,11,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591116768344326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990320224606826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20094861180921544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32780518595158953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738830856009914,0.0,0.0,0.3086911456173344,0.16448983992948898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285900737408167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632602714994073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485859793379215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156071270264949,0.0,0.0,0.2420209926394184,0.11398310329148505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4071414150946589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067638049300053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292615261483024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234221265107644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765192896417529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338453437196797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772249393817976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172881754590032,0.11830487566845845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518685122916332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996232409485055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223369222555402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18338014137824474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19428985688867406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jezzarella,2020/02/02,"Feeling that alone right now, I’m actually contemplating sending ‘bobs and vegene’ to an Indian man in my dm’s.. Being a single mum can suck so hard and even worse with BPD. My loneliness sometimes is debilitating. I went to a restaurant with my little ones yesterday and the waiter bluntly announced ‘oh..you’re on your own’ with the weirdest look on his face. I wanted to rageout and cry into my beer and nachos.",6.333376623376622,7.324582077922081,7.426389610389612,69.24815584415586,65.88311688311688,10.315844155844157,32.28311688311688,10.355215969177356,3.5642955844155844,328,13,55,8,5,111,61,77,0.218,0.764,0.018000000000000002,-0.9345,0,1,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,5,0,3,2,1,0,0,11,9,6,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,9,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,3,8,0,10,7,2,10,0,0,1,0,5,6,1,0,2,38,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.27674158606185245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293712285626154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571699408092123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115087840035818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18730760966118928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339092772248693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540397020408094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842302997652797,0.0,0.0,0.2381430181207352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19216698900151166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24218313293382165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28047639762906823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726791626386908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628894929302348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890010325740789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HurtPride,2020/02/02,"My mother and her taunt Hello. 22. Male. I'm a recluse. Have zero friends. With no intentions of finding them either, despite the occasional offer. I lack empathy. Had one relationship I felt like was the one. Saw through me and believed in me when no one else did. Only the universe says I will NEVER find another like her. My mother? Texted... ""My guess is you'll find someone at 28"" So nonchalant . She had me when she was 21. And found my stepfather a few months after I was born. What do I receive? Nothing? Far and in between? Do I stumble upon a woman who never saved herself? It's so common... She wrote a letter later on. I shredded it. I changed my phone number. Personally, I can NOT fathom what women do. Especially with that time. I only want one woman in my life. I've never found people who don't think crawling in and out of beds all their lives is despicable. In the mean time. She said 28. Very well, mother. 28 it is. Thank you for listening.",-0.09187165775400884,2.0246640106951865,2.267299465240644,88.60330213903744,104.0802139037433,4.552941176470589,19.93850267379679,6.37848985222837,0.5898941176470593,738,27,141,11,34,249,118,187,0.049,0.86,0.091,0.7594,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,2,2,0,5,6,0,0,8,0,17,1,0,1,4,28,30,9,0,2,2,3,1,2,1,2,1,3,1,5,8,8,0,0,8,0,0,1,7,0,1,5,12,5,30,6,17,16,4,23,0,0,1,0,32,10,0,1,14,104,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15081213176890204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620405337798219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214685027009575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014659850065762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809371138398396,0.0,0.394357924685794,0.0,0.0,0.31539145165201143,0.11111815958814628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843848483313544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015872304808624,0.1405304019676283,0.0,0.1269993343655956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566666319241485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479904171047635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327780871946909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380031236470522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898357880138343,0.21876945090180908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997095367816886,0.12558167543873586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441328193894374,0.0,0.0,0.13680967504776986,0.11437471418533986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186171151698767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241392780241912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215668976702504,0.0,0.0,0.16773000383263978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866996281242405,0.08483119328268772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931515791399806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,frogmarley,2020/02/02,"Why you don't move in with exes My life is kind of a hot mess express right now. My ex/FP for going on 4 years moved in with me months ago and is starting to pull away physically and emotionally as he goes out more now that he has friends at his new job. No one is even half as close to me as he is and I'm splitting hard; when he told me he only wanted to go out with his friends because he spends too much time with me, my heart broke. I don't know what I'll do if I don't have him, but at the same time I'm so angry. I'm alone except for him and there's no one in my life to talk to about this situation. This weekend the emptiness really set in and it was so hard to keep it together.",3.2989743589743554,2.5440371025641038,4.861025641025645,91.08397435897436,72.2051282051282,8.215384615384616,25.025641025641022,7.3871296695380915,0.7273641025641022,532,12,139,5,9,181,97,156,0.147,0.8270000000000001,0.026000000000000002,-0.9542,1,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,0,3,0,11,3,1,0,0,19,21,13,0,2,3,0,3,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,6,12,0,1,1,1,1,5,5,2,0,3,2,3,15,3,28,19,3,29,0,1,0,0,16,12,0,1,11,86,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504625668666742,0.0,0.0,0.1757974609698401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594745139736442,0.0,0.0,0.10347075836117824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19093249433125734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211040126758264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26227843973019965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19293212541615026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30410396016701197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20114044253340635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16843885378355572,0.1508710048550267,0.0,0.17675609073917725,0.09328360995466499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397820518787199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548331638115887,0.3608094343221844,0.12477701940934105,0.0,0.0,0.16393409575721324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230037832272936,0.12909345883658774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873856069749499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449553932302243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079271411867293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014148694566665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642903946294554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979512793598234,0.0,0.0,0.16219200978977916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011591758314103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531622164933105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093057586973451 bpd,Taiyann,2020/02/02,"My biggest addiction **serious trigger warning** **if you struggle with self harm do not read** Since I was 13-14 I just needed to self harm. Not because It made me feel better or sth,I just did it. It became a necessity, and a really nasty one, at my lowest point I needed to cut at least 50 times a day, my maximum was 250. When I was overwhelmed at school I cutted my face and pretended I scratched with a tree or some shit Luckily, I played it smart and I never did it too deep, so it could heal faster and I could cut again soon. When I was discovered, I decided I didn't want to do it anymore, not because of me, but for my family, and let me tell you it wasn't easy AT ALL. To not leave a scar and fulfill my need I hammered my arms and hitted my head to the floor. Eventually, It became easier but it took me like 3 years to stop. I do it time to time when I'm bored but I believe I am temporarily recovered. I know I should be proud but I miss doing it (I know, it sounds stupid). But I do not regret it at all. It has made me a stronger person and I thank my past self for not doing it so deep so most of my scars have faded and I can wear normal clothes. I also came to the conclusion that I was really prone to addiction so I stayed away from drugs. I have bipolar and bpd and I know my life will never be easier, but at least I can say I have controlled my biggest addiction.",-0.1403949293027793,2.016966184300344,2.374515845928816,92.94892150170652,88.52218430034132,5.942428083861532,18.95163334958557,7.33818517376401,0.4397540516821068,1064,31,243,19,35,365,145,293,0.094,0.774,0.132,0.9313,1,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,0,2,0,4,13,19,5,2,8,0,29,12,5,4,4,57,45,28,0,10,17,0,2,1,0,2,7,2,0,4,17,14,0,2,6,3,0,2,10,13,0,1,13,4,49,6,23,24,6,32,0,3,0,0,8,13,1,5,17,174,66,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818713020773777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337645066043866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157989119562016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097039999940458,0.0,0.0,0.14235699224660536,0.0,0.0,0.13155349693110113,0.0,0.103268625437426,0.0,0.0,0.14706067768008527,0.0,0.0,0.1335473703070975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096120631664662,0.1864537487141662,0.0,0.0,0.07530338006917453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540963689784513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007508710816892,0.0,0.059039590387336326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983396371026185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925119862275124,0.0,0.0,0.12363664301985368,0.0,0.1193995128001046,0.08247415076688279,0.05704518916573986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22097060217649206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597379752766801,0.18011181133229912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440432322455532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912258116200048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146483455314428,0.0,0.10195417263238812,0.0,0.0,0.11038010215015692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679600081448717,0.0,0.14960453259737808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285573961402444,0.0,0.1181718092952884,0.0,0.0,0.36543221218594174,0.0,0.1198569814310652,0.09658872053079254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445531728948557,0.0,0.09762026902843927,0.0,0.12206750598113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205723456690008,0.1075009742220422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20425878664192407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972954772906697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887066997902834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519244707316979 bpd,NAOMIjewel1,2020/02/02,"I hurt my FP. I can’t tell anyone this, as I don’t think they’d understand. But I was in an open relationship with two people, and one of them had a bf at the time who wasn’t included, but we were close friends. She had BPD and was very open about it, at the time, I wasn’t yet diagnosed. One of my partners (the one with the bf) quickly became my FP because I felt as if we got a long so well and she could relate to everything going on in my head, but due to my undiagnosed brain, I constantly hurt her. I hurt her because she was closest to me, I hurt her because I was good at it and I wanted someone to feel the way I felt inside. Months have passed since we broke up but I hate myself everyday. I wish I could say I’m sorry, that I know better now but I can’t because she blocked me. But there isn’t a day where I don’t think of her and how much more we had in common then I thought. I said I wouldn’t fall in love because I’m emotionally unstable, but I fell hard and I just need to let this out in a safe space. Sorry if this is a mess and thank you to anyone who’s read this whole thing.. advice on how to cope would be welcome. I’m new to BPD and this sub has helped me so much.",1.8958055443953403,2.5657055190839704,3.704688629971877,93.06234833266376,75.87022900763358,7.04250703093612,22.568099638409,7.273561745256523,0.4620885496183198,914,23,228,10,19,309,134,262,0.14,0.7290000000000001,0.131,0.131,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,4,1,2,1,12,15,1,0,11,0,25,4,2,2,0,47,45,24,0,9,10,0,4,0,4,2,1,2,0,1,11,18,0,2,8,1,0,4,8,7,1,4,15,6,47,8,28,23,4,37,0,5,0,1,28,18,0,2,14,158,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025260649324818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467242274083806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197895916467488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279272071539013,0.0,0.0,0.2642847299338333,0.11712479678833368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338064404259406,0.0,0.16753927494904788,0.0,0.0,0.06766436065247926,0.0,0.0,0.10649102561458368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802025105712713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429482968668836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05305042261149015,0.0,0.20147823675795334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106050102222513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962813705008922,0.08800145051133446,0.08391366275175731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398721221362523,0.1035862279430938,0.10767761727904808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032529071006474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492737328261521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05766098172511204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072872384800662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285040500239382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469389319722474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374569802463891,0.0,0.15425572486683473,0.0777964371945475,0.0,0.10133185137424806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21328838875157874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273793084924235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494783520499353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264421625456925,0.0,0.0,0.09980241614119628,0.08343615184503536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679044705501117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889790316547551,0.0,0.0,0.23489745202582699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170421726867777,0.09659572629503717,0.0,0.0,0.06970381556073972,0.13445628460285838,0.0,0.08329431774049534,0.12235874133919625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249104994471084,0.10922483983973087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656952812679672,0.061884205563655176,0.08328016986938419,0.0,0.0,0.09433517913839767,0.0,0.0,0.11713881067734633,0.12065218095848125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453176167593077,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,raven_Vixx,2020/02/02,"KEEP SLIPPING INTO BAD HABITS I hate myself. I binged for a week, then went on a 3 day water fast and rn am eating 600 calories per day. Can't bring myself to do anything or even leave the bed. Incredibly jealous and paranoid of everyone I meet, to the point where I can't bring myself to show up to class. Currently crashing at my FP's and our relationship is slipping back into a codependent one again. Its dragging him down,I can tell but I'm afraid to leave. What should I do? My brain keeps telling me to go on a bender, to drop out of school and leave the country and other crazy shit like that and its driving me insane.",2.6635146743020752,4.5077496535433115,3.6859556191839684,89.1998282032928,76.08661417322834,6.192984967788117,24.14387974230494,6.980632752743323,0.8249275590551179,494,16,102,5,11,159,89,127,0.205,0.77,0.025,-0.9606,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,0,4,6,3,1,7,0,8,4,2,0,0,14,16,9,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,9,2,2,0,1,0,5,2,5,0,1,1,0,14,1,17,14,0,23,0,0,0,0,6,9,1,1,9,65,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473229978444275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765980681909468,0.1494790837882511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19985202518976647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230913690019152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831881101581219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824486726075467,0.0,0.0,0.17106684528381033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017445005201517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17675093578696482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31825275337298714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5686874898922715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746297387979879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131253048119417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692372684252012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19220673471112493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811836899986958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837674340207584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129529193157688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436037160560736,0.0,0.0,0.16595873094537542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BitchDragon,2020/02/02,Can we ever have a healthy relationship? Or are we doomed to fail every single time?,2.293125,5.122662062500002,3.7550000000000026,82.39000000000001,84.625,5.7,20.5,7.1686216300943375,0.8407249999999995,67,2,12,1,2,22,15,16,0.354,0.527,0.11900000000000001,-0.7476,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,1,2,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,10,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5204461393887887,0.4847656890365114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6177214117798493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354970941110692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,teethmemories,2020/02/02,"Did my time This year has started off horribly. Due to my mental illness- i have been ostracized from my friend group. I scared my roommate/best friend away who moved out of our apartment with four months left on our lease. My narcissistic parents resent me and are no longer speaking to me. I lost the love of my life. Every person I have loved has left me in the most unthinkable and cruel way. I am unemployed with student loan debt. I’ve covered my body in impulsive tattoos associated with horrible memories. I am covered in self harm scars. I have ruined my body from bulimia and anorexia. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror. I was a beautiful and hopeful child. I don’t even recognize her anymore. I let her down. I have made so many mistakes that I can’t bear to think about them and the people I have hurt. I’ve completely dissociated from myself and the pain has become unbearable. My arm and hand have been numb for months. I have flashbacks and sit in the shower crying. I can’t leave my house without having panic attacks, fainting or experiencing chest pains. I have waited months for things to get better and I have just had enough. I’ve been strong too long and nothing has helped. I’ve tried therapy for years, I’ve been to rehabs, and psych wards. I’ve tried anti depressants, yoga, eating healthy, AA meetings, you name it. I have been wanting to die since I was 13 and I remember saving my Prozac for a rainy day. I’m 26 now and the feeling has never left me. I have been trying to find the easiest and most painless way and it’s given me a slight glimmer of hope. I deactivated my Instagram and I don’t know what’s next. I want to disappear so I’m no longer a burden in this cruel world. I’m sick of suffering and feeling hopeless but mostly sick of being my own worst enemy.",2.0212711864406785,4.607941000000004,3.4615000000000014,86.00818220338984,82.50282485875707,6.364858757062148,23.25677966101695,7.645422480735847,1.3087877966101695,1430,51,274,25,40,468,198,354,0.193,0.711,0.096,-0.9839,5,0,0,0,0,1,38.0,2,1,1,3,8,28,4,2,12,0,37,18,5,1,1,44,57,21,1,5,4,1,3,0,2,0,10,1,1,3,8,21,1,1,6,1,2,2,9,19,1,1,13,6,51,9,37,42,6,35,0,6,1,2,20,17,0,6,13,181,59,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467213326828106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007250705400635,0.09916286356631264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656599772269705,0.0,0.0,0.11076281145454688,0.09334584532458176,0.0,0.2344730762404532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066177012680496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593606483913133,0.06806769857331572,0.0,0.09090562709381912,0.0,0.1095388938635931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799873375566604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905604690023224,0.0,0.139422759765854,0.0,0.08892609062901068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673329772675874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646608338859207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308738297612518,0.0,0.055142829405209634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074449006794972,0.0,0.0,0.20965970725756689,0.0,0.12178458945297595,0.1129879478946883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058004690883938524,0.0,0.0,0.1117567596827834,0.3440243742888453,0.10792676291040973,0.07454945089228998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340387345966382,0.08863109423429462,0.0,0.11521467472874153,0.0,0.19051670086669992,0.09986909172401508,0.0,0.10700591485901624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636438724736433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527346837383076,0.11217747531446393,0.0,0.0,0.08140269714320167,0.0,0.11224814837449648,0.0,0.0,0.10127313285941646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22461432977218046,0.12383414389760053,0.11719506868645575,0.0,0.0,0.0731715116222191,0.09215769444423642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956174352712855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566881014025824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010629998814124,0.0,0.0,0.08730779293881287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470519007580098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069973754649853,0.0,0.07011931039098028,0.06762887998484307,0.0,0.0,0.061544052459627775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21497408079469565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450617755453945,0.16755318295011684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017414717599127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593484960874008 bpd,ceceblazinnn,2020/02/02,"June 15, 2019 was my death day Last year i decided i was gonna kill myself. i had it all planned out. it was the day after prom, something i wanted to do before i died, and i had just lost my virginity...another thing i wanted to do before i died. And now i’m here. it’s February of 2020 and i’m alive. i made it through my parents divorce, the death of a pet, a breakup, a toxic relationship and moving schools again. i made it through the worst pain my heart has ever felt. when my parents were divorcing i hadn’t cried, but then i broke down, sobbing, in the middle of a room with all my friends. i made it through a heartbreak after the man i fell in love with left me. that one hurt the most. i cried and cried for hours. sobbing and screaming. and i’m here. alive. healthy (for the most part) and somewhat happy. things are changing and it’s so fucking terrifying but i’m going to accept the change and let it happen.",0.8633333333333333,3.1244908888888894,2.404656084656086,93.85238095238098,84.55555555555556,5.0814814814814815,22.75661375661376,6.42735559955562,0.4316518518518522,714,26,156,7,21,232,104,189,0.26,0.618,0.122,-0.9799,2,0,1,0,1,1,30.0,0,0,0,2,8,15,2,0,13,0,12,4,1,3,3,30,28,15,5,2,3,2,1,0,1,1,1,1,2,1,11,13,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,11,0,1,12,2,23,4,19,14,7,23,0,6,0,2,8,7,3,3,13,107,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314855808178915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134005561025694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652985107064369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4132152412237395,0.16173633013187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602764464134131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342522252170838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203970240036452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687838492496724,0.1159238847362988,0.0,0.0,0.07126377879052831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088468923729417,0.13348326859751447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859140717608815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348692830585367,0.0,0.13423588886242888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387288678804521,0.0,0.0,0.10221209868976648,0.0,0.0,0.136239951645247,0.12822292307518354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368813626620022,0.0,0.11317215313891547,0.3559499012218144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327300291545646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496959828328769,0.0,0.1334270812507818,0.0,0.27846835894537675,0.13578848949256922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346252441604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690449447890673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653372149513983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666111852129014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792017842889507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807490343200916 bpd,obsessingovershit,2020/02/02,"Have any of you been treated cruelly and tormented by your FP after they realized you were obsessing over them? Obviously we're not in a relationship, but over the past few months the person who was the center of my attention has just fucked with my feelings over and over again. I've blocked her like 3 times, but I always unblock and keep taking the abuse. I can't let go and it's completely fucking me up. I know this will eventually end, but it would make me feel a bit better if I knew that I wasn't alone in this.",5.801142857142858,5.579909638095242,6.518809523809527,79.49535714285717,66.9047619047619,10.428571428571429,30.833333333333336,10.125756701596842,2.7606190476190484,412,14,86,9,6,136,79,105,0.16699999999999998,0.7509999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.887,0,1,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,3,2,1,2,6,2,1,6,0,10,2,0,1,1,22,20,8,0,2,6,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,2,6,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,5,2,15,3,12,12,2,15,0,0,0,2,9,8,2,1,7,61,21,0,0.0,0.2652764845534301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318855299561201,0.0,0.0,0.1862968350113563,0.0,0.0,0.15225485494744626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19801508252199546,0.24443306760862415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23474745413140385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19830266141211908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22641396286807405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4139707710751717,0.0,0.0,0.1272434991406387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19900630374759645,0.0,0.0,0.12304568684452467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289456674769512,0.0,0.10938276550394617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945025454139124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787091829764684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137311145456801,0.0,0.195494651175511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24037719344050434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833960288093358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055375506168318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904709792954022,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,purpleopium,2020/02/02,"My birthday is today. TW:// Death mention And I refuse to celebrate. Every year before this, I would bend over backwards to make everyone else happy. Yes, even as a child, I made sure to act and be whatever everyone else liked. I never got my white cake or strawberry ice cream, because my family only likes chocolate cake and vanilla icing. So guess what we had every year? When I was old enough to pick a restaurant to eat, everyone else's choices took precedence. ""Oh honey, you don't want to eat at such-and-such, we go there all the time!"" ""I just had that [type of food] for lunch this week. I don't wanna go."" ""Oh, I don't like the food there, let's eat somewhere else!"" And so on. One year, my older brother cried because I had a cake and he didn't. They went to the local shop, bought him an 8in and put Happy Birthday on it and let him blow out candles with me. This year, I shut everything down once I saw it happening all over again. I'm not doing anything except my theatre rehearsal. I even deactivated my Facebook so that I'm not bombarded with ""HAPPY BIRTHDAY uwu"". I had picked a restaurant and day to go out to eat, and all I wanted was my loved ones there, but every single parental figure (mine and my boyfriend's) had something to say about my choice of venue and the date. So I just stopped everything. Last year, my ""parents"" (story for another time) left the country on a cruise the day before my birthday, and had roped me into house sitting. On my birthday. Because they went on a cruise. *On my birthday.* I had to order my own cake, buy and prepare the party snacks, arrange dinner at the restaurant, and so on. Again, bending over backwards so everyone else could be happy on *my birthday*. My ""mother"" never gave me a party. My biomom did, when I was young. But she died the year before this particular birthday, so all my parents being gone on ""my day"" was *just fucking peachy*. And this way that my ""parents"" treat me, as if I'm just... There? That's how the whole family treats me. So I'm also bitter at the thought of celebrating my birthday because it's just an excuse for them to play Happy Family and act like they're perfect and raised me perfect. They literally don't care about me any other time of the year, so I don't see why we should all pretend I'm loved and wanted *one day a year* out of 365/366. We all know it's bullshit, so let's cut the crap, eh? And I'm gonna end this here, but I wanted to add that no one is happy about my decision. They are all trying to twist my arm any way they can think of so I'll go out or ""At least have cake at our house!"" And the answer is no. TL:DR; Not having a birthday this year because I'm tired and stressed.",1.7737551006173042,3.896209658040668,3.1136790709029434,90.91981097199456,79.96118299445472,5.561761936316396,22.961706134691173,6.638412140308013,0.5900937537055766,2079,69,432,20,53,675,235,541,0.095,0.784,0.121,0.9617,4,0,1,0,1,0,107.0,5,1,6,2,32,24,4,1,25,1,35,15,2,5,12,82,71,44,2,9,15,6,0,4,1,3,1,1,0,1,18,33,9,2,6,5,3,13,13,5,0,4,23,7,65,19,55,38,12,79,0,0,4,3,31,30,2,4,36,277,83,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04816331249833925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191251440870001,0.06315300163515969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04956148594725703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835683476776708,0.0,0.1537455923074387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061405188437729165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04808616145875799,0.0,0.06615625998011798,0.15536509262455728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250586088487348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465080151815481,0.251558619408611,0.0,0.0533430267816764,0.06223033532444468,0.0,0.07955840449659753,0.0,0.1522309105151557,0.2301969732526957,0.10825584404418964,0.0,0.17032926764217238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565285722989235,0.0,0.0,0.055678662532928976,0.0,0.0,0.13691300629288464,0.0,0.04816883607624447,0.0,0.06634655829327961,0.0,0.053258318647242425,0.3846749899525815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898717319071252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033099048303121346,0.04909284193396194,0.0,0.0,0.06543654319740892,0.18475780584292384,0.0,0.11769499709546995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087139917210442,0.056988009772798276,0.04020182519871405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929011693257124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319784589038635,0.06413952620136207,0.16324482565903245,0.04580515946719689,0.0,0.0,0.2674987267565789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060544521359432925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04789473119467645,0.0,0.0,0.047992924440980585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046365496760242986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05035226216175587,0.06898954190976096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567630018109315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03859087137940672,0.0,0.04781331437281968,0.10535611176035654,0.06922179269288257,0.0570879195766029,0.0,0.06691413845086835,0.040890011800252535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209319701954715,0.09561038618246114,0.04831026831807163,0.0,0.0,0.11166160656409624,0.05434527677894279,0.06724101874060033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04278335723781102,0.0,0.0,0.34905648803920897 bpd,Tulipsia,2020/02/02,"I am Not okay All I can think about is the light at the other end of this deep dark pit. The light is easy and has no pain.",-1.4921839080459767,-0.0054832068965513505,0.3868965517241385,109.50609195402299,87.9655172413793,3.8666666666666663,9.666666666666666,3.1291,-2.4159747126436786,93,0,28,0,3,30,24,29,0.217,0.696,0.08800000000000001,-0.505,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,5,1,0,0,1,4,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,3,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5805812976223246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6975016525440643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4200200013683599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,needmorexanax,2020/02/02,What if your therapist had BPD What if you had found out that your therapist had it? Would you fire them?,0.6857142857142868,3.211852809523812,1.187619047619048,99.01571428571432,92.33333333333331,6.609523809523811,16.523809523809526,7.793537801064563,0.4149238095238093,83,2,19,2,3,25,14,21,0.121,0.879,0.0,-0.4137,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,0,16,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4273554314819746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720414422168911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7879418594264124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24103967851720756,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lunasabinoseal,2020/02/02,"I was set back in my recovery from a breakup and now I feel anxious about him The gist of the relationship was that it was pretty intense and it advanced pretty fast. He (19m) started telling me (23f) that he wanted us to spend all our lives together, that I was the love of his life and so on. I was reluctant to say the same but he said it hurt him that I didn't trust him, so I believed him. I got too attached, and then he broke up with me. It hurt because two weeks after the breakup he started ignoring me. I managed to stay as far away from him as possible, even though I've felt the impulse to try to reach out to him. I removed him from FB, unfollowed him on insta, all that. However, my birthday was a couple of weeks ago, and he sent me a congratulations message. That single message made me feel strange, and now I feel very anxious. I think he did it because I congratulated him on his birthday several months prior. I also noticed that, while he doesn't, like anything, he watches all my stories in my Insta art account. Like, instead of passing my stories, he watches every single one of them before moving on to the next person. It feels... Odd. And the impulse of contacting him has grown stronger. I started to watch his stories as well and it hurts. I see him happy and it makes me feel proud, but I feel very sad at the same time that it was so easy to just push me to the side when he was very insistent in convincing me that we were soulmates. I'm scared to do something stupid, I've been thinking about trying to show up to his school, or just talking to his friends and trying to get information from them. I don't know what to do anymore.",3.8383108108108095,4.950523855855857,4.8104391891891884,85.28701013513515,71.70270270270271,7.592042042042043,30.391516516516518,7.937092434478242,1.962857957957958,1296,55,266,17,24,423,165,333,0.135,0.737,0.127,-0.6101,2,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,3,0,2,2,18,17,1,1,13,0,17,2,0,2,3,38,40,24,0,1,5,0,7,2,1,0,1,2,0,1,19,13,0,1,11,2,2,7,3,8,1,2,17,13,51,9,45,23,7,41,0,5,4,1,45,14,0,1,20,184,70,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463185731484043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537192684990318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412055039642529,0.10587226405481344,0.0,0.0,0.08785026056934161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029982716618133,0.08208799763736366,0.0,0.13015370195258966,0.0,0.09084063352451988,0.12027631632403885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812236580699365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051066399567857,0.0,0.08994568329190508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238711831182112,0.0,0.10250153171766993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247864037604878,0.0,0.05577507607067192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538171767334146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136426718447138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428502739270021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05866975056237926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754042064833087,0.10431019132021384,0.0,0.0942666119197941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635054637375692,0.1010141526667764,0.07125978472131779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521081443256255,0.1134636594923989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353514286280228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154126356331765,0.0,0.0,0.07233994399403419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321433944482024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035021087517755,0.0,0.21721640767071376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461490720807604,0.0,0.0,0.10154844203730702,0.08489585279643473,0.10688036844394284,0.10804174915113092,0.0850699053315655,0.0,0.0,0.12060275198212647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218520679846048,0.0,0.0,0.2266851939388237,0.11378661502520575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580561707084461,0.093308566585303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680857389492612,0.1048862355476241,0.0,0.062249693108944175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174388916723621,0.0,0.1042841130211585,0.0,0.12841310844905238,0.0,0.0,0.2642521408522985,0.06296685896677033,0.0,0.17126482706486684,0.0,0.09598555667491804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,stupid-sadbitch,2020/02/02,"I dont want to be here anymore I have been trying so hard to recognize when ""it"" is causing me to act up, and to notice when I might be about to overreact. I've tried so hard to convince myself that I'm still loved somehow, and I won't wake up and be alone. My dad's girlfriend got him to message me some nasty things, calling me a stupid cunt and they dont want me in their lives. I tried expressing this to my boyfriend of the past 6 years and instead of sympathizing he tells me how I need to just mind my own business. So I agree with him, it's my fault as most things are these days, and he flips out, yells at me, follows me to the bedroom where I'm on the ground crying, I just wanted to be left alone, if he thinks I'm the horrible one then I dont want to be here, I dont want to be alive. I will never be good enough. I picked the wrong person to love and I will never love myself. I don't want to wake up anymore",2.9874485910129494,3.078299831683172,4.139306930693071,93.06148134044176,72.96039603960395,7.205483625285607,24.44935262757045,6.67199483983844,0.5086248286367092,714,18,176,5,13,234,109,202,0.19399999999999998,0.7120000000000001,0.095,-0.9168,0,2,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,2,0,15,9,2,0,6,0,20,5,2,3,2,30,36,16,0,8,3,1,2,0,1,4,0,1,1,1,7,9,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,4,0,1,2,3,31,5,27,23,4,21,0,0,0,3,17,10,1,5,9,121,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327585308987666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22287754335788806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147401986864225,0.0,0.0,0.1154327958208005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343087176650007,0.07246800541058163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5267774104162615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610608794581576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424887090188963,0.08987088191888884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20131915051126445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208806203176815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992229224194054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042492753227877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920459421197442,0.11345955571067085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331938079624597,0.17333011753454736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793160929089548,0.0,0.0,0.07614340331708683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072678839391624,0.0,0.09811532400229836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973715736656253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821450537796804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493044915960139,0.0720008189401966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22887130278666545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3976650248702696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228566688015782,0.0,0.07236124934004008 bpd,DefinitelyBobSaget,2020/02/02,"DAE get super confused about their sexuality? First things first, I made a new account because my boyfriend knows of my other. I (21F) have a beautiful, kind, and supportive boyfriend of almost a year. Our relationship couldn’t be better. With that being said, I’ve had a crush on this girl I met in my class last semester, and the more I see her around the more intense it gets. It’s important to note that I’ve been openly bisexual for like... a while now. I’m starting to get confused now though, because my boyfriend is so loving and is amazing in bed, but something isn’t clicking. I’ve never really liked having sex with boys, and even though I like having sex with him a lot more than normally, it’s still nothing compared to with a girl. I love my boyfriend with my whole heart and couldn’t imagine my life without him. The problem is that if I had a long term girlfriend, I would love her... differently. That’s the only way I can describe it. If my boyfriend and I broke up, I know I’d only date girls after. It just doesn’t seem fair to him, because what if I string him along just to end up leaving him for a girl/discovering I AM a lesbian. Does anyone have any experience with this? TLDR; my boyfriend is amazing, but I think I might be a lesbian.",3.8113062777425455,5.272025188755023,4.543542591418304,85.82954343690555,72.21285140562249,7.169816106531389,28.76791376030437,7.669130373188453,1.6536698795180718,988,39,200,12,19,317,135,249,0.047,0.77,0.182,0.9865,1,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,1,0,1,4,11,16,0,2,15,0,22,9,1,1,1,40,39,15,0,8,8,0,0,3,1,2,1,1,1,4,14,15,0,0,5,0,1,0,6,4,0,2,6,3,33,12,26,26,6,24,0,1,2,7,20,7,0,9,19,139,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231653121693834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985797155447578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239355103371676,0.0,0.0,0.11763031171249158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24164922026376426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686480315363552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380554718474247,0.0,0.0,0.11563433996915955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703452684315148,0.0,0.0,0.08727551461190941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925574441886134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22479203081374785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071090324812976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565834698019786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760078106608029,0.14523853222536182,0.10770962717662078,0.0,0.13991444049815993,0.0,0.0,0.09333256208077648,0.19366699540575166,0.0,0.0,0.11693745177083062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233850266579844,0.3577775207913365,0.1250316144749283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017691295681844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191251838511214,0.1276191362075331,0.0,0.0,0.12946660863287845,0.1267894108753759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20099291280036424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643765803155713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465060989641085,0.0,0.0,0.14186612977285454,0.0,0.0,0.12569293826798733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529640972114264,0.12029293743119565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172583564468253,0.0,0.0,0.09352754053922886,0.0,0.10552510815813296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994796958809484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087786225274588,0.08466831833219503,0.25964867338891784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488452739992483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475267019429963,0.0,0.12737575013049074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386662649613103,0.0,0.0,0.0850921612312028 bpd,toxicwaste789,2020/02/02,"First time dating in the real world I'm 19 and recently moved out on my own which have me a confidence boost to at least download tinder and start dating a little. I met someone and we only went on 1 date but I'm already becoming obsessed. I've been diagnosed with bpd (anymore) but I dont identify with it because I'm pretty stable, but when it comes to relationships it's like I cant control anything. I get jealous and daydream over people I dont even know. Ugh. Why am I like this. Any sorta of attraction I feel my brain is just like ""well you have to marry them, start planning your life together"". I dont know what I'm suppose to do to change this.",1.428984126984126,3.64853708888889,3.4670105820105803,87.38083333333336,81.81481481481481,6.227513227513228,24.45767195767195,7.447530270364453,1.2863227513227509,517,20,104,8,14,175,92,135,0.044000000000000004,0.738,0.218,0.972,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,2,1,3,4,8,1,1,3,0,10,3,1,1,0,19,23,8,0,0,4,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,9,0,1,3,0,0,3,4,3,1,1,3,1,15,5,14,20,2,20,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,12,63,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825688887712675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368633972527956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121147410952573,0.0,0.0,0.12547164755746185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929456515772327,0.16839359050340386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920334265658928,0.17020942578656506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612953942008596,0.13134131878182387,0.0,0.0,0.17101056239450554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475609621792838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5360889272864179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070646489346778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709453692162781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969279448045154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966044314354864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16758949187262995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769563981834747,0.22347067858126746,0.1528172227318905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16205384255147498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596199579442887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570504096691508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551190649312038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354676950541248,0.0,0.0,0.15054792523110982,0.16369810571810225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291892192459489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158412475656939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890777902884645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709083911271952,0.14134327771588592,0.1375824651762204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwawaybvdf,2020/02/02,"Help Me Understand (Spouse with BPD) My husband has BPD and PTSD. I do not have any known psychological diagnosis. He is the BEST husband and partner anyone could ask for 99% of the time. About one day a month is a “bad” day or two. I’m looking for perspective on what goes on in his head during these days because I don’t understand. When we discuss it, he really isn’t able to explain it but assures me that he loves me. I can tell when days are coming because his eyes change. It’s like he’s not there, it’s hollow. He makes no sense half the time then gets mad when I point this out. Example: today he said he couldn’t do something because he wanted to watch a college football game. I told him football was over and he left the room (we had not been arguing at all) and said to leave him alone/don’t talk to him. If I follow him and try to talk, he will leave and not come back for hours. If I then call him to try to talk, he will say horribly mean things. It’s weird and it’s like he is a completely different person. I can’t stand him that day or two a month and am hoping a little perspective will help me not feel that way.",1.7717171105730432,3.516212317796612,3.1428571428571463,92.54612994350285,78.36440677966101,6.529136400322843,21.83131557707829,7.447530270364453,0.5906620661824049,881,25,200,12,21,287,132,236,0.077,0.802,0.121,0.9151,1,1,1,0,0,0,26.0,2,0,0,1,6,10,2,0,10,0,21,3,2,1,2,37,40,18,0,6,10,3,1,2,1,3,0,3,1,2,13,14,0,0,6,1,0,3,10,4,0,4,6,7,23,6,19,29,2,32,0,0,3,1,44,10,0,5,19,118,36,1,0.11055144127657478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517877103852548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730013818962214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335067424600064,0.0,0.0,0.08500723440846389,0.0923058357291529,0.20217339750245966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601691713785026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784713405023581,0.0,0.11288538193550918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169487662726194,0.19046055553235705,0.11591108284929985,0.0,0.0,0.08826633020669616,0.0,0.0,0.35648266965420905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550272645917722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055898130408581916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577585652245395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345767284134615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482006015266393,0.0,0.0,0.10980252561586884,0.10887090076540408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341160278878037,0.12011446441615005,0.0,0.0,0.10801970007748274,0.1108015870648304,0.0,0.0,0.09283536758036166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977699196854928,0.0,0.07379394549812388,0.0,0.0,0.1204229288157462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648221140938036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749125177027952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652925435483238,0.0,0.0,0.10450684539006401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922871885084355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082208411321331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21031947335868534,0.08791494331307878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510790054945704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665711826518285,0.09662683242774438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344546528355217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892686887902274,0.0,0.10478983988945527,0.10563663971770296,0.0,0.15011434367920182,0.0,0.2159853887490456,0.2301758983497852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520610435400112,0.08775058833931748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yaa1220,2020/02/02,"feeling very depressed tonight My last FP left to study abroad this semester and I just started a new job and met someone I (22 M) vibe with so well... so of course since I have bpd she’s my new FP. We talk all the time and are always together at all times during the workday and usually text after work. But sometimes she doesn’t answer and that sends my into a deep depression I can’t get out of. On top of that I just generally had such a shitty day so getting left on read + everything else that has happened today is making me so depressed and i’m so much pain. basically, fml.",2.6079831932773097,4.293474210084035,4.123268907563027,86.69599579831936,75.80672268907563,7.1129411764705885,26.185714285714287,7.908726449838941,1.4952682352941182,457,17,95,7,10,152,87,119,0.15,0.823,0.027000000000000003,-0.9499,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,2,9,5,0,0,5,0,7,1,0,1,2,19,15,12,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,10,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,4,1,0,2,1,12,1,11,13,3,21,0,3,0,0,6,9,0,0,11,58,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015698881325095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21214642582507254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863096230914307,0.0,0.43523577074731584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071142721642496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138453967297466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516918513116463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17600767319273386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895243990482987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715239725917802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137302467927316,0.0,0.0,0.36602480197510057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243614338707593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382403138368148,0.0,0.0,0.3253640889001232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923384588428426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168487283713987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933671569364253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272010664120244,0.0,0.1665931493296705,0.0,0.11922390293070832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538705880355908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19643942084784025,0.0,0.1596630371744938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18551473638447746,0.13898204396493893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144931823181362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262756445715725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wickedzbornak86,2020/02/02,"BPD and Zodiac signs??? I'm a huge fan of Pinterest and follow a lot of Capricorn zodiac boards. I've noticed a huge amount of similarities between Capricorn personality traits and BPD tendencies. I know horoscopes are supposed to be written to appeal to everyone, but this is more than that it's like ""Capricorns always do A,B, and C."" then those are the same main symptoms of BPD. Is this just me?? any thoughts?",2.911154401154402,5.787580519480523,4.144069264069266,80.59007215007216,81.46753246753245,7.058585858585857,28.036075036075033,8.167268648758528,2.378086291486292,328,15,58,7,9,107,56,77,0.0,0.8759999999999999,0.124,0.7998,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,0,0,11,11,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,9,8,5,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,37,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17996733899271486,0.0,0.0,0.1470819463569705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8172142122022541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066706114193822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188651693121364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566645020141828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18387868474080146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24624312756373964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18885265633858492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22480404423113398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170698251658367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,m1sssa,2020/02/02,"I just feel like different parts of myself want different things without knowing what I actually truly want. It's overwhelming. I'm sorry for any language or grammar mistakes since English is not my mother tongue, also I'm typing this on my phone. For example: since year 7 in school I wanted to attend art school, which in my country starts in year 11 up until 12 or 13. So when I finally got accepted and got the chance to go I quit after 5 months. I passed the entrance exams twice since I had to redo them once because I had to repeat grade 10. Then I started training for a job which normally would have been another 2 years at least. I quit again after around 6 months. Those things were some things I really wanted in life and I just couldn't do it. I woke up with anxiety and went to bed crying, thinking about going there the next day. Since then I hopped from job to job, which has been around 5 years. I'm in the second year of my current job (which is the longest I've been working at the same workplace). All those jobs have been meaningless and also not in fields I really liked - but I came to an arrangement with my current job. I was thinking about attending university in October but I'm really insecure about my choices since I tend to want different things for different parts of myself without kind of knowing what I truly want - if that makes any sense. I'm actually looking forward to it since I see it as a chance for doing something for myself - but I had the same feeling about art school and other jobs. Same with hobbies and interests. I've always been into art but I lost track or I just can't pick it back up again. It too seems like my interests kind of changed with the person I was seeing or with friends I surrounded myself with - like I was mirroring them. Now I'm in a happy relationship for over a year now. Since my partner is into working out I stated working out as well (I wanted to look as good as he looks) but it triggered my disordered eating and my body dysmorphia and I just don't know what to do. I kind of overcame it in the past but it started all over. My partner always reassures me and tries to help me as best as he can but it feels like I'm loosing the ground underneath my feet. It hurts not knowing who I truly am and what I truly want (for myself) - or at least having the feeling of not knowing it. I just want to achieve something or just have something within myself I'm content with and that I don't question - and finally be able to rest. It feels like a never ending search without really knowing what to look for. I'm 25 now and of course I don't think I have to have it all figured out by now but I kind of have an inner pressure or desire to be able to finally find (even just a part of) a path in life.",3.3639192282537635,4.922423897482017,4.5763113145846965,84.75945062132115,73.51438848920863,7.50058862001308,26.665140614780906,8.150884317080207,1.6998863309352523,2181,78,432,34,44,718,230,556,0.04,0.809,0.151,0.9953,13,0,3,0,0,0,45.0,0,0,2,8,28,25,0,3,20,0,36,5,2,3,4,102,88,42,0,15,30,1,5,6,3,1,2,0,1,3,34,28,1,0,19,3,0,8,13,6,1,2,18,11,59,19,90,66,14,75,0,3,6,0,15,32,0,11,42,313,93,17,0.10884046642864163,0.0,0.10621259480831856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703968168000728,0.09056398709660657,0.0,0.0,0.0740152494701034,0.057064359512760024,0.04163132945422684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689109064038767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041845800181288896,0.0,0.03317406905710712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05711067729685197,0.0,0.0,0.06044861093772365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622422490816338,0.0,0.0,0.057569390875337426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977807080864533,0.03509654834967125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274302438110404,0.062370302011509636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055685484604366106,0.0,0.0,0.04820017384690176,0.0,0.0,0.03594405078861573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375825252910622,0.1166334764459626,0.0,0.17884411633891178,0.049739107252237735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04204493718615901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061856545300930176,0.0456451096696956,0.08704966376881441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05793135019676924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03647673519427599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058257985201965325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37802578999831854,0.0,0.0,0.2266811939264108,0.17944762177523854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687724023354607,0.15952186245815714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827971592562492,0.0,0.0594061131338754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03632592825059554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687542190472214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04197223875584391,0.0,0.05787653540751533,0.0,0.053320274040469615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05795577228897555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767954280742903,0.051950270380810265,0.0,0.04751764855649677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609631158554963,0.11576523348468827,0.0,0.0,0.13945197962722486,0.0,0.0,0.05842696426844104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16522854411144694,0.08673176012093503,0.04954213643729869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151188549464143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256860627812751,0.0,0.06091899563331611,0.11555676350549833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461753924187465,0.10461086415308804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0369477661145965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888861717648719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04893032526694482,0.050448101402661386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15737748848416286,0.0,0.1188557337656249,0.0,0.0,0.03865857228268416,0.0,0.0,0.2102690757155434 bpd,iKracken,2020/02/02,"Need resolution I’ve always had a FP, and I haven’t even realized that’s what they were until recently. High school crush, ex wife, and then my best friend from high school. My best friend has been there for everything for almost 10 years now. We’ve always kept in touch and had a platonic relationship (though she did call me her husband for a long time right after high school). 6 months ago I was checking in on her after she had been ignoring me for almost 2 months. The worries and anxiety were killing me. She finally told me (I thought I made it clear that I did not want to talk, I have a family now and I am focusing on my life, if you don’t want to be friends that’s on you).. ever since then my mind is plagued with questions and worries. What did I do? How did I mess this up? Did I say something?.. we went from best friends to barely acquaintances almost overnight and I didn’t even know. My heart aches in wonder. What happened??",2.2564243498817973,4.416638271276597,3.0450354609929104,91.83388888888894,78.52127659574468,6.73096926713948,23.21040189125296,7.793537801064563,1.013970685579196,737,24,158,12,18,232,109,188,0.113,0.742,0.145,0.907,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,1,2,1,3,8,10,1,0,5,0,22,2,1,2,2,29,33,13,1,4,2,3,1,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,8,9,0,2,5,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,19,2,29,7,20,13,3,28,0,0,0,0,22,11,0,6,16,106,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565128154376323,0.0,0.3241538446983296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957122631182898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254703798666344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33971895517658063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018308062858953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254048404121644,0.09760626003415933,0.0,0.0,0.09697806603832257,0.0,0.10172324097298646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820466508162808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334685749941013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542004477382328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786795745448154,0.0,0.3420227052244032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938090709932155,0.0,0.05930177202877784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762165003263434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549253907055212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021023303440888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895330074438944,0.0,0.17225750044713994,0.0,0.0,0.0800101983201748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087830742570925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654318050258156,0.1158495993796026,0.0,0.09215028972247367,0.0,0.08581039565474316,0.0,0.3276168954019296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926014007303107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307054914982785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672996038927565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601612534194588,0.08566452554497922,0.06292027960274127,0.0,0.0,0.10310786207906386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729034229813135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002902615491016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701838139743917,0.0,0.21916555279812508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948728921246472 bpd,KingJacey_,2020/02/02,"Mentally ill's people where do they go HEAVEN or HELL Where do people go, for some reason they said if you commit suicide you will go to hell but how about the abuse you went through that you just want that relief feeling that is over and stuff. Would they be condemend because they were abused and just wanted to end it? People will tell you're so selfish for thinking things like suicide but it goes to guilt yo self hatred that you are a burden. When you wanted things for yourself for once and still being labeled as selfish. Just for once.",3.961047619047618,6.078524723809522,3.569523809523812,90.2504761904762,73.19047619047619,5.428571428571429,23.095238095238088,5.82211442006289,0.3728095238095235,436,12,82,2,9,130,68,105,0.327,0.574,0.099,-0.9911,0,0,0,0,2,3,6.0,0,6,4,0,10,9,2,1,2,0,10,1,0,2,1,20,20,11,2,5,7,0,1,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,9,3,0,0,3,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,3,2,10,3,12,12,1,10,3,0,0,0,13,3,2,3,4,60,19,0,0.0,0.3881580886924933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985241522757736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450802964422945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282340896905219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792780153965777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002557268765258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650742801423347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3488883940930914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406798531130617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841613587972312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581358114141608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088161442051422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081279846762586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875145446220749,0.35834645204046256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317050679602816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176460559105947,0.10495795603435824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898446768459892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151846454531398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636051655378415,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rundncc,2020/02/02,"How do I best described BPD to a potential boyfriend? I’ve done the whole google thing, read symptoms off and all that. I honestly thought the symptoms alone would spook him. I’ve explained to him what I feel I struggle with the most, and it’s my fear of abandonment and my intense feelings, whether they’re good or bad. So far he’s been surprisingly good at validating my feelings and comforting me when I have a meltdown. I’ve never experienced that with a guy before so it’s new. But back to the question. I’m tryna find the best way to explain what BPD is and how my brain works because of it. I’ve told him that what may seem minuscule to him can be the size of Mount Everest to me. I explained how I have rational and irrational thinking. Compared it to a devil and angel on each shoulder talking at the same time, lol. But I want to find the most simple way to explain it but in a way that it still explains it in a way he would understand. And how do I talk to him about what to expect in the future?",3.691918699186989,4.865304273170737,4.590731707317072,86.49113821138212,72.12195121951221,7.613008130081301,30.252032520325198,8.021203637495839,1.9515788617886167,796,34,166,11,15,258,109,205,0.071,0.8240000000000001,0.105,0.5733,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,10,12,0,2,15,1,12,4,2,4,2,46,27,20,0,4,5,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,16,11,0,1,15,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,4,4,20,7,24,19,8,19,2,1,0,0,17,8,0,6,7,118,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541823988748095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005391782182148,0.10917133034068624,0.07970438196202098,0.0,0.11125917194038354,0.0,0.2744294786112654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32935173019396746,0.14596096596467115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380330944047866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713083081279893,0.19833437004464646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23900744862246295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193348816841831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946369896012375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084296092342704,0.12627979142882026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464706504160493,0.0,0.13078603184349574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903048007211668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441763707789573,0.0,0.0,0.13668896719898596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27179997539176776,0.0,0.21018483761584414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686492126048445,0.0837797363103248,0.0,0.1038014102064331,0.07624175481971612,0.0,0.0,0.1249378481826486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611603663359856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712012033071969,0.4151351164964579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597843007844805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518802960352253,0.0,0.0,0.185763019062947,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,froggychair_,2020/02/02,"DAE with quiet/high functioning bpd have no support from friends? I’m currently applying to grad school, which is a triggering and stressful process in and of it self, and I’m having a lot issues at home so I’m a lot more on edge than usual (which is already typically a lot lol). I had a stressful day and it just so happened to be that my tipping point was my dog pooping in the house and having to clean it up... I understand this is very trivial, but I am emotionally unstable lol. Anyway I told my friend that I had to pick up the poop and was upset about it and she just responded “wow your life is so hard...” and it sent me into a depressive spiral with suicidal ideation about how nobody cares about me or would care if I was gone and I ending up deleting my social media... I’m so upset because I know it appears like my life is going well because I outwardly have accomplished things and haven’t opened up to anyone about my diagnosis so I feel like I shouldn’t even be sad because they don’t know how bad it really is and how often I struggle, but it’s so hard because I feel so alone. I have a hard time opening up to people because I don’t want to get hurt so typically if I do complain it is something trivial because I don’t trust them enough or want to burden them with the actual tough things I’m dealing with right now. And when I say I am struggling with something no one ever believes me and people have laughed because it appears as if I have everything together. It makes me want to isolate more and never talk to anyone again, but I know in the end it will only make me feel worse when I’m actually alone and push everyone away. I just don’t know what to do. I know I should feel lucky that I can outwardly appear to live a relatively “normal” life to other people, but I just wish I had some support.",5.659344115004494,5.314810172506738,6.566846361185982,79.44780772686435,67.22102425876011,9.546451033243487,32.2219227313567,9.107695989026183,2.60140035938904,1438,54,291,23,21,480,175,371,0.18600000000000005,0.6609999999999999,0.152,-0.9206,1,2,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,3,1,29,26,0,6,12,2,36,5,2,7,2,72,71,38,1,11,13,0,7,2,2,4,3,1,2,1,22,23,0,0,10,0,0,7,9,13,1,1,9,8,43,13,38,56,7,37,0,3,0,0,16,18,0,14,14,210,65,3,0.0,0.0,0.16698769578829364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17722792768291296,0.09441716925988634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965055261496745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038608030475927,0.0,0.07143870964038143,0.3650944554396602,0.0,0.0,0.09639639365245899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775934739212133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744674715553563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05517887732251348,0.08820821225809211,0.07369237612658805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624305752477168,0.15156085738824102,0.08840595993861383,0.0,0.05651132268560534,0.07739357550280998,0.0,0.0817558843659886,0.07689547036662107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17304606046430754,0.0611238102808128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220630176583073,0.0,0.04470137058753409,0.0,0.04862550429102944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566009021449957,0.0,0.22993384416604154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903984370510536,0.08582327588776206,0.0,0.0,0.09872431508699217,0.09159334378094654,0.0,0.0,0.08930201515301761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351066504009797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18129987166301947,0.0836002179961758,0.0,0.07555071279721179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182191901953581,0.0,0.0,0.11422342269078513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598885423676289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383026247392877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05797741343573262,0.06507194717377915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17794880455476908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088149708280128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054811684040607135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306744877578696,0.0,0.06804044466724925,0.0,0.08659090418111766,0.0,0.0,0.08925734447944565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872172587507287,0.0,0.1317359524980689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19601651337597303,0.17889098554170088,0.0,0.09358833839798664,0.1941840877850947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876958235459486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136840206764368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04989050301065162,0.0,0.0,0.0817558843659886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907058279973365,0.0,0.0,0.09423183467109857,0.0705956477873167,0.15139584357572813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692837450440394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838934156186108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719256328031033,0.060779099876063176,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BBaBBaYaGa,2020/02/02,"DAE get into relationships with horrible people they completely disrespect almost exclusively? I constantly get super close to people that are just...abhorant. Abusive psychopaths, complete creeps, just gross people. Usually a lot older than me. I've been doing it since I was a young teenager. And I completely open up to them and show them every horrible thing about myself and let myself be seen by them. I think I do it because I hate myself and feel like I deserve terrible people and terrible treatment, and also because I can unabashedly show them how terrible I am. And then i flip between needing them and hating them and then eventually completely cut them off, filled with self hatred/disgust/shame/regret for getting so involved with such an awful degenerate, and go look for someone else to fill the hole. Anyone else relate to this?",7.737837837837838,9.374501972972975,7.722540540540539,66.05624324324326,63.05405405405405,10.514594594594595,35.745945945945955,10.577609850970193,4.3957086486486485,684,31,97,17,10,220,99,148,0.242,0.718,0.039,-0.9862,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,8,1,6,9,3,0,4,1,9,0,0,1,0,23,20,15,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,16,0,0,2,2,0,3,0,7,0,0,3,3,22,2,16,15,1,14,0,0,2,0,11,5,0,2,7,74,27,0,0.0,0.16362553134042102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828687494981615,0.0,0.0,0.1104382593202228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965625029651128,0.14149943577040086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683685588237767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5791795224928905,0.14923668667311096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23072911395322634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635493144708504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982734455250446,0.09865843462459103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21645413926972895,0.0,0.07848522718306734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726896742160939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121627309735513,0.0,0.06746852498138793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596894478061255,0.0,0.0,0.11740740425491272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023991583389264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3829637020343896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14826736740361074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406807829279344,0.0,0.0,0.1142374773290412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701140554130772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174728694300363,0.08848869481182882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520972802209644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,IntrovertishSag,2020/02/03,"BP SO, weird dreams, and sad songs: a rant I am not going to lie. I am at my wit's end! It all started about 2 months ago when my SO who is bipolar and also my fp, decided we shouldn't live together anymore and moved back in with his parents. Then he spiraled into a depression and stopped communicating with me. Didn't reply to texts, didn't answer phone calls, nothing. This went on for over a month. In the meantime, I am freaking out. Planning my new dating life, blaming myself, ruminating, and creating conspiracies about why my SO would leave me. Also, during this time worrying about him being in love with his best friend (who he asked out when they first met and she rejected him). All through our 3-year relationship, I'm convinced he's in love with her and I'm just second choice. So, throughout this whole time I've been having stress dreams of her telling me he likes her or him cheating on me with her or just plain dumping me for her and they all feel so real. So I wake up and am even more miserable and i don't know what to do anymore. I am going crazy and though logically i know i will survive without my SO, i also don't feel like existing and everything feels too hard to do. i fell very alone and unworthy and idk what to do.",4.0240160642570295,5.201938730923698,4.827489959839358,85.09055220883538,71.32931726907631,7.9429718875502,27.88955823293173,8.344100000000001,1.7739172690763056,980,35,202,15,18,317,147,249,0.19,0.7,0.11,-0.9451,1,2,0,0,0,0,31.0,2,0,2,4,21,16,2,2,4,0,19,5,1,0,3,44,34,30,0,2,6,1,4,2,1,3,2,1,0,0,8,23,0,1,8,3,0,5,7,9,0,2,5,5,37,7,30,25,6,32,0,4,0,2,31,12,0,2,17,142,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145315056147968,0.0,0.0,0.1419034377794128,0.0,0.32870609685684177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27175880071239994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808801939499145,0.0,0.0,0.105354013111794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378597179858382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399048926991015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800850630275225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135224384424302,0.0,0.0,0.09049534198579096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313783428321975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20783262995099228,0.0978816253445388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165426053036109,0.0,0.0,0.1058553748382095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15573451233938745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122736122444442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505967704881905,0.0,0.0,0.14507625876437752,0.0,0.0,0.09677585015072933,0.13387459288008638,0.0,0.12098438449035775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473179275448413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187238456139093,0.14562240782973296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323273477834756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314670116626091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521359616986508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595001049371796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709995108116153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697802188647872,0.0,0.0,0.11454843050004035,0.15694714412815758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975480253396073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346139040197691,0.0,0.1597859656164829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304950911809007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701178884416775,0.12363230355212113,0.15296935691222527,0.0,0.13207498254249747,0.0,0.0,0.13914265680644305,0.0,0.09732961763207693,0.0,0.0,0.08823143885395064 bpd,robinaiko,2020/02/03,":( how to not be toxic to ur fp? i am so suspicious of everyone close to me and i feel tortured (and toxic) by my irrational fears (abandonment, cheating, abuse) diagnosed bpd - on 50mg seroquel - weekly psychotherapy",3.0692105263157927,6.14653065789474,5.073999999999998,72.22100000000002,84.52631578947368,9.355789473684213,31.28421052631579,9.3871,4.285456842105264,167,9,26,6,5,57,33,38,0.382,0.618,0.0,-0.9555,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,7,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,4,0,6,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,17,4,0,0.0,0.44470272303293373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4727129204151338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809503767310035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586423247269413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223487435494094,0.18977729215163525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010657645573124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AubergineVicieuse,2020/02/03,"I'm alone, just forever I think I just couldnt be love. I'm getting a favorite person, and it's always a mess. I'm always doing my best, I support her for everything, always. My worst fear is to feel abandonned and I constantly feel it. How could I be giving so much and being ignored and left like that. I lose my favorite person this evening. I tought she were different but in fact I thing she never understood me. She treats me like I was stupid or a weight for her with my breakdowns, and probably never really cared about me. I hate everything. I'm invisible for everyone or im just the strange guy, hiding his feelings behind a poker face in front of people. I have enough to try to being that good guy that we never think about. Im slowly slipping into alcools (im not 18), I already made 2 blackouts, and I could be slipping into worse soon. I need someone to say me there is a solution to be socialy independent, cause they are breaking me pieces after pieces, and the evil grown inside me. (Idk if you could understand my bad english, sorry)",2.8346147978642264,4.974454246376816,4.278271039918638,83.79423340961101,76.58454106280193,6.869972031528096,25.87058225273329,7.85451343220497,1.6556338164251212,827,31,155,13,19,274,123,207,0.209,0.6920000000000001,0.099,-0.9790000000000001,1,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,1,1,2,10,18,3,1,7,0,17,3,1,4,4,41,36,13,0,6,8,0,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,7,11,1,2,7,1,0,2,5,10,0,0,4,5,34,8,18,22,6,14,0,2,0,1,16,5,0,3,8,112,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071993136568007,0.12862571200615802,0.0,0.2909591789595941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973218638551069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232143856764903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883962909834878,0.1197381607026584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595882862947258,0.0,0.2791885378700799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177930604883175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204365650000824,0.0,0.07698609451886977,0.0,0.0,0.11137708236436343,0.20951135695946327,0.0,0.0,0.13116123656794468,0.17680713882516336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060897246385838336,0.11181397646354288,0.0,0.09776412647592672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23082339374369684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507784281906185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777110388481868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664165229204102,0.0,0.0,0.11388964155480845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303996628535954,0.0,0.0,0.10519901316670914,0.11029090727928192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856842478612021,0.08642699274922322,0.2696923693182671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080730749121724,0.2035495779036417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567027420289031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467065514931694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269236420815638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876002949968242,0.0,0.0,0.13047821413902766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226972778051574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743659451905427,0.14937255166838398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913588346198096,0.0,0.0,0.12134198918720032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419374134640334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187835392808874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,acuteengle_,2020/02/03,"DAE just HAVE to cry intensely at least once a week? Sometimes I feel like I get so emotionally exhausted from always thinking that one day I break down, cry for hours, and feel SO much better. Then I ride this “high” of feeling normal for a couple days until I need to cry again. I don’t know if this made sense, or is even relatable, but I just had a crying session and I feel so much better. It just sucks that to feel better you need to feel worse first. At least for me.",3.3674374079528704,4.371095051546398,4.1689248895434465,89.85453608247423,72.71134020618555,7.192341678939616,22.104565537555228,7.447530270364453,0.5789245949926363,368,8,81,4,7,118,64,97,0.18,0.672,0.14800000000000002,-0.3669,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,4,8,6,1,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,0,20,17,10,0,4,6,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,8,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,2,6,10,4,13,15,4,14,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,2,9,55,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134565188372203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550481967910499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480648855174474,0.5879624761166733,0.17260053052629526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505250160415158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838422191219966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059684152377431,0.09559819440139654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382384179505692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991334957365042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138397654018295,0.0,0.0,0.13178182861744706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354178728988475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537575009870007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661995760131206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967403496611504,0.19844577268376964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311112918498538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425096984534669,0.09067720116033323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234746956636015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574390503088856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733914292725567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636996084721725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kleinstadtdepri,2020/02/03,"I'm constantly crushing on people and am crushed by it Hey there, I'm a lurker for some time, first time posting on here because shit is just unbearable right now. I don't quite understand the concept of the ""favorite person (FP)"" on here but feel like I can relate on some level. I've been in a relationahip for about 5.5 years by now and things are going fine. I don't idealize him, barely project any of my symptoms on him or our relationship (which makes me feel like a pathetic, faking piece of shit from time to time) and yeah. He and our relationship even seem to do me good instead of bad opposed I tend to read on here quite regularly. I just don't seem to have the classic problems going along with that concept of a ""FP"" with him, which is great. What isn't that great is that I seem to project something like this onto other men in my life. I constantly find myself falling in (superficial) love with guys and idealizing the shit out of them and being crushed by all these emotions coming along with that. I just can't seem to function without someone like that in my life who gives me the opportunity to hate myself and break my own heart. Or... let me rephrase it. It's less of a constantly new guys but more of a hyper-fixation on one person at a time for longer than I'd like to admit. For example I was head over heels for a former teacher of mine for about 6 years (before I found my current S.O. and a vast majority of our relationship). When this obsession finally ended I had a few months that I've felt even kind of sane... And then the next man came around the corner, I fixated on him, got obsessed and am frankly obsessed right now. We're having some kind of affair at the moment and it's killing me inside and simultaneously makes me feel so much more alive. it's fucked up, I'm fucked up and I just needed to go somewhere with this atypical and still well-fitting example of shit coming along with my personal story of suffering BPD. thanks for taking your time to read this weird monolog.",6.137635046113303,6.148627954545454,6.470742204655249,79.3366205533597,66.17171717171718,9.513219148001756,31.61133069828722,9.20300075937882,2.5317023715415017,1594,57,316,26,23,515,201,396,0.182,0.685,0.133,-0.9768,1,0,1,0,0,0,47.0,3,1,1,6,20,32,8,3,18,1,20,13,7,2,1,60,52,21,1,4,9,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,7,22,28,0,1,12,2,0,7,6,16,0,2,7,4,37,16,68,43,12,60,0,1,0,3,26,25,6,9,31,214,59,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05420725793982986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096105707968227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655663796575803,0.04859202208103621,0.0,0.06782949703092886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039514862331264,0.0,0.0,0.09116990552294488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733058306865695,0.0,0.2584227990587189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966587398679746,0.07060164696246872,0.0,0.0,0.10529875648330317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091515988707005,0.11389330329248132,0.07653653515563259,0.08732118687082398,0.07285581379031854,0.06780344240105465,0.0,0.08740068133888172,0.0,0.14738591012396793,0.0,0.07646752801688456,0.13590741355598682,0.06685909326175929,0.0637533969185309,0.17576670470155958,0.0,0.15785588605556378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869962636342166,0.0818080590039439,0.0,0.0,0.0944597389617642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881901106900438,0.16601667949847115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151146875029598,0.11260664311414305,0.1947175932711952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719436759258517,0.0,0.1064174735169495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636257857338306,0.0,0.05859788580248251,0.059105835410666524,0.0,0.07698686398975864,0.08477518635578266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0540152773707424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055262635718606935,0.20880573533998295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634257490856525,0.0,0.0,0.07627413153956547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956818809355992,0.15946821469008998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25674429624289,0.0,0.1361481404054559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902691959263504,0.0,0.0,0.32729509081931585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754017307646358,0.06136660461551875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365853421906494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828518462896754,0.059933906725043624,0.0,0.0,0.07338859343250763,0.0,0.0,0.052957466930340216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788861246395636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298356119033191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167114295538284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684004015622488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266451941263856 bpd,Turniprincess,2020/02/03,"What do you wish your friends knew when you were first diagnosed? Hello everyone, my best friend was just diagnosed with BPD, and I want to do my best to support them. I'm doing some digging into it myself, but I figured it would be important to ask some people with more broad life experiences in living with BPD on how to start approaching this! Is there anything you wish you or your loved ones knew about BPD or it's symptoms to be a better more supportive friend when you first found out? Thank you all for your time!",6.386270627062707,6.659535960396037,5.929455445544555,82.53332508250827,65.63366336633663,9.505610561056104,29.704620462046204,9.2995712137729,2.2951768976897697,416,13,82,7,6,128,69,101,0.0,0.667,0.33299999999999996,0.9898,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,9,1,5,6,10,0,0,1,0,9,5,0,1,1,22,22,7,0,4,4,0,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,15,10,14,14,7,12,0,0,0,1,16,5,0,4,6,63,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243411943890344,0.0,0.12772977821061585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867676520314612,0.12083734847055197,0.0,0.0,0.5162387592515705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773513498034914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055497373863592,0.0,0.13364949076779986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324333094981035,0.0,0.1498067715782335,0.3166779441438098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650518396867183,0.0,0.0,0.12064601100784555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331310993027575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258342377720033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472142458259698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967067902632316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31009019935194543,0.0,0.1420099640165016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578973166311685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966953523742483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058739149867843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142334769756148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705740265318953,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,-a-walking-paradox-,2020/02/03,"Toxic Relationships What is it about toxic relationships that keep people coming back for more? Recently I had a friend (more like ex) ask me for some advice, to which I told him there is no point in asking me for advice because I have none. Basically he wanted to know why he keeps losing interest in his relationships, at least the healthy ones. We had a brief encounter thanks to reddit. We talked from December 2018 till May-ish 2019 (on and off) and during this time I cheated emotionally with him on my partner. I would say that our relationship was toxic because 1) it was an affair 2) I had no idea what I was doing, I was lost and confused and searching for validation and this person was willing to provide it to me 3) he wanted more but I couldn't give it to him and I led him on for a while. We got along great and we made each other laugh but looking back, this is right when I was finally discovering my BPD so the person he thought he was falling in love with might not even exist. It was just a strange time for me. Anyways, getting back to the topic of toxic. He had a similar relationship with another women prior to meeting me. She was married and he fell in love with her. When I broke our relationship off, he found a girlfriend in his home town and I was really excited for him. I wanted him to have a real relationship with someone who could reciprocate all of the same feelings and really be there for him. Well, I got a text from him on the weekend asking for advice, and despite my better judgment, I answered him and I shouldn't have and now I'm left here wondering the same thing. He said he broke up with his girlfriend right before their 6 months and the relationship was healthy, he just lost interest. He wants to know why. I said he is young and has plenty of time. So what gives? What is it about toxic relationships that are so addicting and so appealing? He said he can't do healthy and I told him that's what he needs. I know deep down it's because he has his own issues that he needs to work out but I don't know if he knows that. Curious what other's opinions are.",3.4068133728311487,5.1370035203836935,4.6152976442375495,83.81797820567077,73.74820143884892,7.591733671886022,25.693962477077164,8.313332769828598,1.6211024686133446,1656,56,331,28,34,545,192,417,0.065,0.813,0.122,0.9844,0,0,0,0,0,1,40.0,6,0,1,5,20,19,1,1,16,0,38,3,0,2,1,71,77,29,0,11,7,1,1,1,4,4,1,4,1,4,27,31,0,2,11,1,0,5,8,7,1,1,27,6,52,12,50,43,11,43,0,5,1,2,76,21,0,6,18,238,79,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511983738505912,0.0,0.2020081555425717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225599443317547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19325889585570186,0.0,0.0,0.1589578818075518,0.0,0.1260169413754719,0.0,0.058635590677961424,0.0,0.0,0.06094348258932116,0.0,0.0,0.08678715158458912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059358097943051184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550173914891545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751216970507922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04551305150647047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03484193029209518,0.0,0.0,0.07548529172399347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555401116456474,0.05323811172518283,0.0,0.03600156013475319,0.13220557041456776,0.0,0.0,0.11022396596395324,0.07597125883887476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912029289536879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778868875962451,0.0,0.07192199761281094,0.0,0.1224971053026692,0.0,0.0,0.18935003784540974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486868998425984,0.0,0.0,0.033664944004056195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057865323620544536,0.07709037078673205,0.15044233621646344,0.0,0.12438423158386733,0.06520236901310747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310044618804369,0.0,0.0,0.055001668774743086,0.0,0.0,0.10218874452919824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04669381070042754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04777209664851253,0.12033552917764992,0.0,0.0,0.06514028636579139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843233369016545,0.08828839532832165,0.0,0.0680382881325845,0.6658321580890489,0.0,0.11769402666718565,0.19664172244055347,0.05479836810566235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838548295624825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05538560053170364,0.0,0.0634411828673546,0.0,0.0,0.04577938050835323,0.0,0.0,0.05470521570950492,0.120542340470783,0.0,0.0,0.1316889996295943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625747785061799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619565231308916,0.0,0.12435741499965335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747277330446759,0.050165808750262234,0.0,0.0,0.04895023106370855,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,marz108,2020/02/03,"NICOTINE FREE! :) I used to chain smoke cigs for a couple years. I remember after having a shitty day, I smoked 16 cigarettes in around 3 hours. I'd buy multiple packs a week! I stopped cold turkey on May 10th 2019 but smoked a juul constantly. I would be buying a pack of juul pods twice a week! I smoked a whole pod in 1 day before. It has been exactly 1 months since I have had any nicotine and I am very proud of myself!",0.6231034482758631,2.8984888390804637,2.586908045977012,92.01139655172415,85.89655172413794,5.778850574712644,17.895402298850573,7.1686216300943375,0.2533181609195396,327,8,70,5,10,109,64,87,0.048,0.82,0.132,0.8188,0,0,5,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,7,0,9,0,0,1,1,9,10,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,9,3,9,5,1,14,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,10,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16754257518495094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21932484122648424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096458857719058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26624246079655,0.0,0.0,0.27260783030972524,0.0,0.31778132926416497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24262848175043544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19665314932263386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790933921929814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038028835757722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20597945820284408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127877864144422,0.0,0.20328411778835745,0.0,0.0,0.3952522673886321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750674550569817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750168188200372,0.0,0.0,0.1586565952257872 bpd,SlaneDidNothingWrong,2020/02/03,"Struggling with developing FP feelings I’ve made a lot of effort in understanding my feelings surrounding an FP, and while I luckily have avoided being manipulative and toxic myself, I have not avoided having my BPD and FP feelings used against me. As such, having an FP has become synonymous with pain for me. That being said, despite my efforts to avoid having an FP, I recently began to have those feelings again, which absolutely terrifies me. I began talking with another girl consistently two weeks ago who admitted she has some romantic interest in me, and, well, I have begun to notice that she is becoming my FP, and crush. I know that having an FP isn’t inherently a bad thing, and I’ve had enough issues in my life to be able to control my symptoms and not be possessive and toxic. She is also a very sweet person, and I’ve known her long enough to know that she is a good person. Nonetheless, I have a perpetual fear that the same stuff will happen again, and I don’t know how to communicate that fear and that she is becoming my FP properly. I am also afraid that I might develop romantic feelings for her because she is my FP, and not because of who she is. I know these fears are baseless and that I know myself enough to be able to reflect on what I actually feel, but fuck. It’s hard and I can’t keep the fear away.",8.598139534883723,6.889410325581398,9.122906976744186,67.94970930232562,62.023255813953476,12.475968992248065,38.16666666666667,11.374738998889045,4.297629457364341,1056,43,194,25,12,357,127,258,0.124,0.8140000000000001,0.062,-0.941,1,3,0,1,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,3,7,16,1,9,11,0,30,4,0,5,0,49,51,20,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,2,3,1,0,3,18,17,0,5,15,0,0,0,6,12,1,1,5,9,37,4,23,39,6,16,0,0,0,1,17,6,1,3,10,152,55,0,0.20121046657543865,0.0,0.09817619520944064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918046913713783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090793742503895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549335903405783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452192839557792,0.0,0.08400116751184382,0.122656032856357,0.3333317280436088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670876947273238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128373237688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118562983807502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4528354294737996,0.3052141727958291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300791704336492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438289649877549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896487554244495,0.0,0.09012252814411616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500572549218563,0.0,0.08942255387737079,0.0,0.0,0.2764500258039061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710604515213347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903246559756706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855309716640309,0.0,0.0951951042696152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672625400508537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453972490506495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070510614144835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756892183641804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933553076584484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956986152232297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051744335703473,0.11516892252325775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456735844177037,0.0,0.08086267565816325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683764665076823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827669440995693,0.10473359588662966,0.0,0.08689061993855078,0.0,0.08300985369474621,0.0,0.0,0.08069944972928465,0.0,0.09045618692845962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ECT_blooper,2020/02/03,"What to do when you've tried everything. Nearly 30 years old, 30 inpatient admissions, been on almost 20 different meds, few rounds of ECT, almost 5 years of therapy; CBT, DBT and MBT included. Very little improvement, and I've tried, I've tried so *so* hard to get better, to implement what I learnt in therapy. If willpower was all that was needed to beat this disorder I'd be better by now. I feel like all I've gained in therapy is insight into my own thoughts/behaviours, that's it. In a way that makes it all worse, like being in a nightmare where you are powerless to do anything but watch yourself destroy your life. I feel irreparably broken, I haven't had a job in 10 years, I have no friends, have never had a real relationship, my life has been consumed by this disorder, the literal only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because I feel bad about leaving my family with the bill for my funeral, that's it. That's the only thing that keeps me going, although I'm not sure for how long. Sorry, I know this is grim and I haven't posted here before, I just don't have anyone else to talk to. (Added a trigger warning to be safe)",3.1906427573358167,5.0230374867256655,4.608239403819283,83.20962971588263,74.57522123893807,8.120726595249186,26.05402887750349,8.841846274778883,2.0594194690265484,896,32,174,19,19,298,137,226,0.183,0.732,0.085,-0.9757,4,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,2,0,4,10,11,2,0,8,0,23,2,0,4,5,29,33,10,2,2,4,0,5,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,15,5,0,2,6,0,1,1,7,4,0,0,6,6,18,7,24,24,5,22,0,1,2,0,5,10,0,3,11,111,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23980602145388166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372547888617657,0.12268849354786147,0.09853639039616063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999784797467495,0.07299281700469759,0.0,0.10189051313901792,0.0,0.0,0.2118018303118636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510354201089874,0.2744664233631908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002798687652327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761521681125588,0.0,0.1128808717192368,0.0,0.1816334813976617,0.08554277728373279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251136484705122,0.0,0.06255957164449505,0.0,0.06805139707042185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726414431694607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882416467643347,0.10643103252667033,0.13247533927456429,0.0,0.06580635513649785,0.0,0.0,0.12678810807396085,0.0,0.0,0.16915278974471226,0.11699851164486795,0.12001163459235288,0.0,0.10596674810852454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992784450882542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330049198598428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878620899631752,0.09235140668179316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256477180986571,0.0,0.0,0.18213639035041496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146784875647943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362911268392032,0.0,0.12311337846850368,0.0,0.1285566960038824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403990606994826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285418908650532,0.0,0.0,0.0962430359008732,0.0,0.0,0.41080176479656016,0.0,0.07955039792812461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438882181826285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879861461723934,0.0,0.09504459116529054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202599915186735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23132724748101746 bpd,BloodlessCorpse,2020/02/03,"DAE need constant attention? (also bday rant) I mean not all the time, but I have these periods where I constantly check for notifications so that I get to feel that 1 second rush and not feel so damn empty inside like my insides are burning. I have no FP anymore so I'm kind of trying to make the world my FP. Also it's my birthday and it was lowkey hell. Depression. Keeping track of who congratulated me who didn't. Crying. Questioning why two people didn't congratulate me (turns out they don't really do that to everyone, I thought it was they didn't give a fuck if I died or not). Many people did gz me but I basically treated it as a ""prove how much you love me"" day which surprise surprise didn't work out so I got super depressed. Had steak in the evening and drinking atm so I'm fine but yeah. Exhausting. At least I didn't self harm (by scratching. I am so vanilla). I'm supposed to be in a better place.. but was already triggered from the good place because (SPOILER: >!I am so ready for death, where's my door?!<)",1.4281016260162571,3.9392191170731716,2.93734756097561,89.21691565040652,84.65853658536584,5.758130081300813,24.15142276422764,7.1686216300943375,1.0944349593495928,809,32,164,12,24,264,129,205,0.175,0.621,0.204,0.6222,0,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,1,2,3,13,17,3,0,7,1,18,4,0,3,2,27,34,20,2,2,9,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,11,5,1,1,7,1,2,1,10,7,0,2,12,3,22,10,16,21,3,16,1,2,0,2,9,10,3,3,6,105,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711031101481058,0.24220216397658836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501810513440793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231227824429993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393036667664465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272910011386317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166342268592249,0.09766189161456762,0.0,0.2608584008706671,0.0,0.1571637620238222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834689293655318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002020589979713,0.0,0.0,0.14470092008462415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313836037850814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999756093668386,0.07911760117600583,0.14526853217131888,0.0,0.12701499044531026,0.12111497038645598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460079349722626,0.0,0.15769438330328914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398261640206961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667438286287795,0.0,0.10108284245682674,0.1535295048623213,0.0,0.16495515803503433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132083224907698,0.11228580517172193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20996943887051525,0.0,0.3164309435739222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963985044476826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701199092359247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797786264127406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022105215862335,0.08830192156944329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281320811759877,0.16471584552001992,0.1479282404303163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366449165868777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102451792233209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ZahraGrace,2020/02/03,"I’m done I hate that I’m posting on Reddit for help but I have nothing else, I fucking hate everything about myself, my life, my family, the way I look, the way I act. I can’t take this anymore, every day gets worse and worse, I’m not smart, funny or anything good. I don’t offer a single good thing to anyone and my family hate me other than my step dad and my aunt, who today found out her cancer has spread even more. I fucking hate everything.",2.7867281105990784,3.9109953225806464,4.436589861751155,86.91774193548392,74.26881720430106,7.034715821812598,21.88786482334869,7.447530270364453,0.7275542242703525,347,8,73,4,7,117,64,93,0.331,0.585,0.083,-0.9853,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,9,6,0,3,0,5,4,0,0,0,8,18,5,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,2,1,16,3,6,16,2,9,0,0,1,2,6,2,2,1,2,44,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371849882971707,0.10132917738454823,0.0,0.11925415672879665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345933012253836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830017313011487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105936879035208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571616203181388,0.0,0.12209863172693765,0.0,0.2604837031357906,0.0,0.2732292732373839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889376201797495,0.0,0.2679464435435949,0.07571303283776147,0.0,0.0,0.2430986278534999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5723012457446395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713465843846113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235900269041663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169359136246828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905155242258158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879021013952428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108959378417798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627626488262707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373641564289282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300563786735097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953651451882654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SMB3NK31,2020/02/03,"I may have BPD I’m actually in the process of beign diagnosed, badly depressed and the closests persons I know think I’m crazy. Actually smoking weed for some relief, and I would like to try to talk to some of you guys to see if I relate, or I don’t know. Just comment and we’ll see what happens",0.6990552995391752,2.955556048387102,3.0900921658986182,88.68370967741936,85.29032258064517,6.123502304147466,24.98617511520737,7.447530270364453,1.309140092165899,233,10,50,4,7,80,44,62,0.141,0.769,0.09,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,13,13,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,7,2,8,10,2,2,0,1,2,0,6,2,0,5,1,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.4819641974578384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061882475634692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110178096610699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21269283794202776,0.25064335380633473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445137668320975,0.21837210512833047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27142835295162465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064455343137867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21562231289939174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935654075322365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19848454350231576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15823199146926173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765902834234056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17542220674219364,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,greasebeast,2020/02/03,"Recently diagnosed, feeling hopeless. I was officially diagnosed this past Wednesday. I had to push my therapist into it, because she rightly pointed out that I was already using DBT as a part of my recovery in other areas (addiction), but I had seen the list of symptoms and identified with 8/9 of the diagnostic criteria. I just feel so lost right now. I just started seeing a new romantic partner and I'm already so bored with it. I'm afraid I'll never be able to love someone properly. I am an XY individual and I am terrified of some of the ways that this disorder is likely to express itself. I really want to meet other people, men and XY people in particular, that are in treatment. Thanks for reading.",5.228646616541353,6.9529028796992485,7.163917293233084,67.3896353383459,69.07518796992481,10.432781954887217,36.60827067669173,10.577609850970193,4.632369022556391,565,31,90,17,10,198,90,133,0.133,0.754,0.113,-0.6055,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,6,0,9,5,0,1,1,17,21,8,0,1,3,0,2,1,1,0,4,0,0,2,10,8,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,6,4,12,3,18,14,2,18,0,2,2,1,6,9,0,1,8,68,22,1,0.16971711079738114,0.0,0.0,0.18501670195558265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37457410409643627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345797548481328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445185898844506,0.0,0.0,0.19451051257472296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162814129552145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829152075932032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852662748628304,0.0,0.15317631869304155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308962985749417,0.16391384318236735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837870921818518,0.16201418614747334,0.2353209504995303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604375271216709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697630386578723,0.0,0.10872512703179547,0.0,0.1675751720876084,0.0,0.0,0.28987497060484946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524256395710416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380075722577967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012664455156173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764010616395811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562527134092747,0.0,0.19705464658093144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658109215044454,0.0,0.0,0.10010354916701167,0.13471354286970316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mares_memes,2020/02/03,"I do not know what’s wrong with me Okay so, I went to the doctor a while ago thinking I had some sort of anxiety type thing due to me always being worried about my bf cheating and not loving me and getting sick of me and it leads to some really bad fights and then right after I completely forget what I got upset about. I know he loves me and I trust him it just gets to the point where I completely forget about any of that and I freak out and then I’m normal. Well anyways the doctor was not really good and just said to go online and then I found out about this and it sounds pretty similar to what I do/ feel. I want to go to another doctor but I’m just afraid I’m being dramatic or they will shut me down. I have adhd and I switch from being super happy to feeling stupid and weird and then end up crying and it’s just weird and a lot. Does anyone have any advice or maybe I am being dramatic and just being paranoid? Sorry it’s pretty rambly",0.7308545454545481,2.9352379400000044,2.7644545454545484,91.4347272727273,84.6,5.4363636363636365,16.090909090909093,6.782984794422108,-0.15964999999999965,748,14,158,9,22,251,109,200,0.183,0.6829999999999999,0.134,-0.679,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,1,2,13,18,3,2,5,1,13,6,0,1,0,45,32,25,0,2,11,0,2,0,1,1,4,2,0,0,11,19,0,0,6,0,0,4,3,10,1,0,6,4,24,8,23,20,3,21,0,0,0,2,8,8,0,6,9,115,35,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16342209265999105,0.13287853559404342,0.12053847670074093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314663917497304,0.0,0.0,0.1849427569107809,0.1425873728075545,0.10402468272751944,0.0,0.0,0.09508070209771717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353800749120377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851458586317947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936815449935545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41754530051800176,0.11899742035958337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204383299204528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375116166586947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909556005060826,0.0,0.0,0.14208836005530695,0.0,0.15456166266860322,0.11405396161257653,0.10875599907329858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475373242215522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946261358208787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156057277436229,0.2454553554948652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661065305525122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323198328563327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854549120377756,0.0,0.0,0.276682035394532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422513437141424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612657322941193,0.1293485604301976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522189965084443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033937802185177,0.08713079064923432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020480077056052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226276768904575,0.12605525241242962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809476179090638,0.0,0.0,0.1486732907594259,0.0,0.0 bpd,suicidalsatin,2020/02/03,"i think i could possibly have bpd, could someone explain it more better to me? I have been depressed for 2 years, and suicidal for 3 months. lately I’ve been trying to help myself but I think it’s gotten worser for me. my emotions have been highly unstable, I’ve been having compulsive behavior and etc. the only signs I don’t show of bpd is grandiosity and narcissism sense I have a very low self esteem and a distorted self image.",3.9146428571428578,5.882977369047621,5.244761904761905,78.83357142857143,72.92857142857143,8.609523809523811,26.285714285714285,9.23628265651192,2.4524714285714286,345,12,61,8,7,115,57,84,0.226,0.728,0.046,-0.9458,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,0,13,0,0,0,0,11,17,5,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,0,10,1,6,10,2,5,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,41,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679846959911235,0.0,0.0,0.478440438762433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033000212938172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16359329200071246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136546470647821,0.0,0.0,0.21183104018764604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273114150478645,0.2006798896468932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21425829903030907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516066725361158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445638225545254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21412651822786727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962934454318891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093382242023158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20776130688340436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243409158810892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895541121906548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671871405817114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223138228955002 bpd,sunny-dean,2020/02/03,"Tired of Venting Constantly Ironically, I tag this with the 'venting' flair, lol. I'm not sure if anyone else here has experienced this but whenever something unpleasant/bad (especially interactions with other people) happens to me I feel the overwhelming urge to vent to someone, anyone. However, as of late, I've been stopping myself since I feel like I'm always being negative and annoying my friends with it. At the same time though, it physically distresses me when I don't let it out- I feel like my chest is about to burst and it sometimes leads me to panic. Does anyone else get this way?",4.631651376146788,7.215857715596332,5.549073394495412,74.69260091743121,72.76146788990826,9.130642201834863,30.16605504587156,9.642632912329526,3.354085504587156,477,21,80,13,10,156,76,109,0.17800000000000002,0.7190000000000001,0.10300000000000001,-0.8493,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,1,3,3,1,6,2,1,1,1,16,13,7,0,1,3,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,4,11,4,14,10,1,9,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,7,52,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434299194864291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615861031143696,0.3532373885791981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392603608782195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18627628157528306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084664065782552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879946101491053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614741398810529,0.2462896591662032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317660029675785,0.0,0.09005889256319698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243076098990122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944466583548254,0.0,0.0,0.17626525244502494,0.0,0.16842756613098225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20224507848478046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950321329085775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259049143864844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605289096155938,0.13270279900592724,0.17048341433178846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411332978264904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624615230424558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935769314904775,0.0,0.10051332635901596,0.19811985817933075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682335731307851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,butterthembuns,2020/02/03,"I’m new here!! hey guys, i just got diagnosed with BPD a couple weeks ago, and i have no idea what i’m doing here. what’s an fp? i’m in dbt therapy right now, what do you guys find the most beneficial about it? should i have hope for my current relationship, or should i just accept that at some point he’s either going to get overwhelmed or i’m gonna freak out over something stupid and break up with him, and i know having relationships with BPD is hard, but is it impossible? should i just accept that i’m going to be in short-lived relationships for the rest of my life? please help, and also any advice on how to cope with having BPD in general is greatly appreciated (:",3.6411678832116787,4.786409357664233,4.998255474452551,83.62877007299272,72.21167883211679,8.107737226277372,23.189051094890512,8.548686976883017,1.2203845255474453,530,13,113,9,10,177,89,137,0.048,0.757,0.19399999999999998,0.9721,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,9,7,1,1,4,0,13,2,0,1,0,29,25,9,0,4,7,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,7,9,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,1,10,4,19,19,4,18,0,1,0,0,10,10,0,5,5,73,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025443139146113,0.12722939363288074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477972423437208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976043312583495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.54230752755496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588116032226316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567845021363987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118248835202376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498773996044708,0.0,0.16314115756612488,0.0,0.11479288767176585,0.15824072570616146,0.0,0.2842316468165532,0.0,0.0,0.12857338293215134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620415713287024,0.0,0.0,0.14255622877530974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202625504942894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887953381079071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137845478739643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862076151755787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755123974833493,0.13568086595868598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4622878243905784,0.0,0.12257259176522832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049528481484468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16413739791843082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512993993982425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,clarkthegiraffe,2020/02/03,"Just pulled an all-nighter and all the negativity/craziness is coming in strong, if I even see my boyfriend I'll split for no reason. Any suggestions for surviving until bed ~10 hours from now? Just pulled an all-nighter, didn't mean to but here we are. I know I get super in my head and think about my relationships and get unbelievably paranoid the longer I'm awake, I'm sure I'm not alone in this. I know I'm basically asking ""how can I not have BPD for the next 10 hours"" but even just responding to comments while working will help distract me from all the ""what ifs"" currently filling my head. And of course I get irritable so I'm going to try to avoid talking to my boyfriend about anything serious so I don't do anything stupid. I *might* have a chance at an hour nap in around 2 hours, but not sure if I should take it because waking up is gonna be super rough. Anything helps, really, just really needing a distraction! Hoping this counts as healthy rational thought!",3.6500065445026166,5.578714560209427,4.263530759162304,85.75718095549742,73.55497382198952,7.706937172774869,27.64430628272251,8.472884824447931,1.9056620418848167,775,30,156,14,16,246,117,191,0.09300000000000001,0.6990000000000001,0.20800000000000002,0.9782,1,2,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,0,5,14,11,1,3,9,0,13,3,3,2,4,36,34,16,0,6,13,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,1,6,1,0,5,6,5,0,0,2,2,16,6,22,27,2,21,0,0,1,0,9,7,0,5,9,92,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478968722543647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850222038780922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32129167932749314,0.1158555394849338,0.12166684853974208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933442883384217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16391151124430334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210732649693926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191745362201954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039842311135806,0.0,0.07396369861406317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671300907897821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17446523954475351,0.0,0.0,0.12926211997019488,0.5126615569930754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304721512679924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176470882099254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806196411039687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649994983193584,0.0,0.0,0.13840936641003285,0.2442622072798045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667468518020749,0.13380946185396295,0.0,0.13972569451015318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370772785067896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24531790935286474,0.0,0.09785191177849238,0.10460462543786128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339086715704827,0.0,0.1033196091376595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883590709461046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474620810701084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,crybbusagi69,2020/02/03,"BPD and spending Does anyone else have this issue where an impulsive splurge is one of the best feelings? I went on a spending splurge one day and spent over 1k on designer bags and now I am having some financial problems because of it. I am in a great relationship with a boyfriend who loves and supports me unconditionally, have somewhat supportive parents, and a stable job. But nothing, nothing hits quite the same as spending money. I'm trying to get myself into control so I won't have serious financial problems in the future but I am having trouble controlling myself. I realize I need help....but nothing really fulfills the emptiness I feel the same as spending does. I am on medication, seeing a therapist, and in a DBT group btw. &#x200B; Thanks guys <3",5.302529976019186,7.786969798561149,5.990809352517989,72.74266486810555,70.43884892086331,8.374340527577939,36.0437649880096,9.075114841892004,3.8090714628297366,618,34,95,13,12,201,90,139,0.1,0.775,0.125,0.1194,2,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,4,3,10,0,0,12,0,11,2,0,2,0,22,24,11,0,3,2,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,8,0,2,3,0,6,1,1,4,0,2,2,3,12,6,14,20,5,13,0,0,1,1,6,9,0,2,3,70,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835154289740704,0.16637141856496288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573686030224772,0.14028956685279845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834644748242823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368791115841742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244452887299697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.307132319531963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830134678708564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23963725883271125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437815027527864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846059340684838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715344606059498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509535420757442,0.0,0.13557121172665984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917738351919905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290773193377085,0.13587085562835985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235746295567934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379313610727909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152361026208502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941320573018304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18555954517465575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520322064462441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620257424567051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563007629659327,0.0,0.0,0.0877137367649754,0.0,0.0,0.14699963033922106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910661572172446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107478315628852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605650365242838,0.0,0.15897336586657146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295892793183114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692516803431445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637141856496288,0.0 bpd,JordanLikeAStone,2020/02/03,"Frustrated bisexual Don’t know where else to really vent about this. I saw a post here recently about being BPD and bisexual though. I’m happy with my boyfriend in a monogamous relationship. No desire to be in an open relationship or have a threesome, but thinking about women has been putting me in a difficult position. I would die if I knew he was fantasizing about women, so why am I allowed to do it? I don’t think it’s right and I feel guilty about it. I can get it under control most of the time but there are times I ache to be with women again. I’m sure this would happen if I were with a woman though. I don’t feel this way about other men. Just women. But like I said it would probably be reversed if I were in a relationship with a woman. I envy women in relationships with other women. I feel this deep sense of longing. I know feelings aren’t facts and I’m not going to throw everything away because of some desires. Maybe my insecurities about him and other women are directly linked to my own feelings and attractions to women and so I’m projecting? I feel like such a hypocrite. Guess it’s just the curse of being bi. There’s always something you can’t have. But I know picking one partner naturally closes off all other options. So I have to remember why I love him and why I want to stay with him long term None of this is his fault. It’s just an unfortunate situation Sorry I am not really looking for answers, just wanted to vent a bit. Would love to hear your similar stories.",2.6840124640460203,4.8793939832214805,4.558029721955903,81.3398825503356,77.28859060402684,7.6128475551294335,25.072387344199424,8.527137837955566,1.8864655800575263,1189,43,229,25,28,404,151,298,0.135,0.765,0.1,-0.8661,2,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,0,1,22,11,1,1,13,0,29,3,0,3,3,62,57,20,1,11,14,0,6,2,1,4,0,2,0,12,16,15,0,1,15,0,0,3,9,4,0,1,7,10,31,7,38,41,7,26,0,0,2,3,27,13,0,8,9,166,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675033653153012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795306485745783,0.0,0.0,0.0635542172354754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382185249250105,0.0,0.13130828501751016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169333072343912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820250635319274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870935068469643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936996426186042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162934164669864,0.07448135958455146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054470080339503096,0.0,0.05925176544854877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485105226313838,0.0,0.09219429154655784,0.11098372071306394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175054338093862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189108030523068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186959663204524,0.0,0.0,0.18452867022771985,0.08754978436169973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881923744965798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474036359143116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064737224414383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984957164291453,0.0,0.11240688764066492,0.0,0.0,0.10480727509874876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357965511992273,0.0,0.10294140050799064,0.4477328329103888,0.11810307606084652,0.08903507325857132,0.0991724652982056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718945325323525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026228079650717,0.0,0.11670739201699755,0.0,0.11112429598714846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826117066663677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336075992392582,0.2048643257625701,0.0,0.12158641542531395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298718740608335,0.08275450711248854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822277018200041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962452747822534,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pentuppinup,2020/02/03,"Husband has BPD (possible triggers) Please give whatever advice you have for me, because I am frustrated. I feel like my mental health isn’t important because it isn’t an urgency compared to his... and I am feeling completely drained. I know for sure his mom views it that way, too. No one cares about how Im struggling with my trauma because I don’t SH like he does & I don’t immediately reach for alcohol when I feel bad. Im instantly not as important because his mental illness is blatantly dangerous. He didn’t SH until he started making steps to become sober. He said the alcohol would numb it and he’s always done it, I’ve just never seen it until now. He is the best man I’ve ever been with. I try to tell him every day and it’s never enough. Everything always circles back to jokes about death/dying/suic*de... and it’s getting annoying, especially since I’m trying to get over trauma revolving the death of my dad & trauma from constantly seeing my ex OD and die, and it was my responsibility to bring him back with narcan because no one else cared anymore not knowing if *tonight will be the night it fails* just to get beat on and screamed at for doing it when he came to. I don’t want to visualize my amazing husband dying, and he talks about it all the time. “Do you want to get food?” “Yeah. Or we could just die” ???????????????????? dude. What can I do to understand this? I feel myself getting annoyed more and more and I DONT want to get to the point I don’t care. I really don’t. I’m trying so hard to not get frustrated but I am so tired. What can i do. The real shitty thing is the company he works for suddenly stopped insurance without warning and we absolutely cannot afford his medication. There have been strikes at the HQ of his company over it. I’m legitimately scared I’m going to be taking care of a baby on top of the household and pets and working with not even the shitty 6 weeks of recovery Americans get, while he’s sitting around “joking” about the multiple ways he could kill him self... and god forbid if the baby is crying or colicky and he decides to slash his wrists again on impulse. I also hope I don’t come off as a nagging wife. I love him so much, I just really am exhausted and don’t know how to handle this while I’m not taking care of myself because everyone else is more important. Please let me know.",1.2652514870868146,3.8093477832618063,3.2979918680822244,85.97898991039833,86.18884120171673,6.446141103832543,23.41149009863714,7.731754440074428,1.4782423462088692,1841,71,360,37,57,620,227,466,0.17300000000000001,0.7040000000000001,0.12300000000000001,-0.9838,1,1,2,0,0,0,73.0,2,2,0,6,25,32,7,2,16,1,41,11,1,4,6,70,85,35,6,9,15,6,5,2,0,2,8,2,1,2,18,25,3,2,10,2,0,5,22,18,0,2,8,10,44,14,51,70,7,41,0,1,3,1,39,11,0,5,24,231,62,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722969914838881,0.0,0.15813428584917189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05916553696855693,0.1231223925262807,0.1603247806632615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337294101248214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586206767486859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377933327959695,0.06177413322620291,0.27060231443561056,0.08171028723611902,0.0,0.0,0.0776423769868258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318113828874083,0.0,0.0,0.08461878577599194,0.37716165667580936,0.0,0.0,0.06373126703665465,0.07757154916332833,0.0799511759490948,0.0,0.11814152374018068,0.0,0.08126871767157003,0.047714010179524514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303533102958592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647445085685239,0.07571203389835897,0.0867095160841661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360944481875105,0.0,0.0,0.07644597130504847,0.0,0.048866195847359496,0.06692339584560911,0.06233529974467664,0.07069555032942301,0.06649267679709209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963554699130802,0.052854683666426885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946259156602124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30923161249343706,0.07097286472949073,0.0420472093545126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627575812528909,0.0,0.0,0.07864227523447287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348349963344716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983234126816764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185310757137643,0.0,0.16264022256109595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565436722682438,0.0,0.07229037352763414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667740792993902,0.0,0.04938536100647139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453180054174832,0.1491183501787788,0.0,0.0,0.08664998515231599,0.0,0.0,0.054387266469179324,0.0,0.11412312158454913,0.0,0.0,0.06942962804280647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026789340733316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624259643756946,0.0699394544145497,0.0834066315877819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421078464326204,0.09479298518468952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703763909653922,0.0,0.07407159031915722,0.0,0.0589562261802468,0.0,0.07718217640053282,0.0,0.0,0.0612009074546181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0523667506680981,0.0,0.0,0.06185452108354386,0.0,0.07734487107514312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972970312635235,0.0,0.11125457210457214,0.059466098473337364,0.06466588783326803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04915214646449148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04314107288914655,0.08503452777966111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069226217959933,0.0,0.0,0.07702068075003528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091427683981996,0.11745122054159927,0.059346062757463576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713186095751938,0.0,0.1077234838838694,0.0,0.0,0.05255660736333218,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lilchipp,2020/02/03,"Would love some reassurance for my mindful walk later <3 This is my first time posting in this community so I’m a bit nervous! But here goes nothing :) I just had a wonderful weekend with my best friend (i’m at college and he visited me for the weekend), but I find after he leaves, my BPD symptoms are more likely to rear their ugly head. He’s been someone who I consider to be my rock and associate with safety, so the feelings make sense and I am just attempting to keep my BPD in check during this time of stress moreso than “cure the feeling”. A side note about me and my BPD: I have a psychologist currently that I see and have been through DBT twice (once at 13 and again at 19). I have gathered a ton of coping tools that aid me into stopping destructive behaviors or negative spiral thinking, but it’s not always perfect. That is sort of the reason I am posting here, because I know it’s going to be a hard day, and reassurance or validation with this illness can be so powerful (at least it is for me). I do have a support network up here of amazing friends, but none of them struggle with BPD and it can feel lonely even if they are trying their best to relate to my emotions. I am going to take a little mindful walk after my lunch to break up my studying, and honestly anything positive you’d like to comment is appreciated",6.8565833785985895,6.210682254752857,7.529584464964696,74.53860266159698,64.8555133079848,10.251928299837044,36.656436719174366,9.606745405546679,3.4338801738185767,1055,47,199,18,14,352,151,263,0.11900000000000001,0.677,0.203,0.9799,2,2,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,4,6,11,18,1,3,12,0,24,5,1,2,1,41,40,19,0,2,10,0,4,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,12,14,1,2,8,3,1,5,3,5,0,2,3,5,30,13,35,32,8,31,0,1,1,1,17,11,0,6,14,149,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818079794792192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970993421861473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192829458208083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476556983901295,0.0,0.12881933083409688,0.0,0.5944392939850612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609663029771045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272782489533666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779341921892738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17898455070036706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784474923862868,0.10036598128328413,0.0,0.0,0.18232437042348468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341178799795722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569981112014892,0.0,0.12109630172234324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048788493772023,0.0,0.0,0.06484663959915977,0.0,0.0,0.1249390386791298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529221307783588,0.11826139283924685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649455803017424,0.0,0.07876218210309041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382814268376896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321881467746715,0.0,0.0,0.1256601912402527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22601204815145476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131790108755272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402626462346007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997627711534413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864860667603774,0.1351621931652793,0.12335337225867815,0.0,0.0,0.13389865338789209,0.0,0.12264136686171777,0.08871710856536481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756060508217671,0.0,0.0,0.13760697379826395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011045617182637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795989976951028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381984044480227,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ralib1,2020/02/03,"I wish I was a ghost I often wonder what it would be like If I could observe the world without having to interact with it. I wouldn’t have to been seen or heard, I wouldn’t feel so much pressure to be a certain way. I could just float around and watch everyone because tbh I don’t want to die. I just don’t want to exist as a human.",4.405821917808222,3.4393643424657547,5.59051369863014,87.48659246575346,69.95890410958904,8.395890410958902,27.839041095890412,7.1686216300943375,1.2177698630136984,259,7,61,2,4,87,48,73,0.128,0.725,0.146,-0.19699999999999998,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,4,0,13,0,0,0,1,20,20,5,2,9,5,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,4,9,2,9,9,1,3,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,4,1,46,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498704110113089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110382833819932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4482105123117085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29130817557273503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682078902333649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192348095263002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371292003363834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20633680517778452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311122301099177,0.22279580482794084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227755155044806,0.2705716798215341,0.30439243487624595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19939157009257988,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ThrowAwayMyFeels6,2020/02/03,"Gf's parents strongly dislike me My girlfriend of more than one year is pretty sensitive. I've got her to tears a couple of times due to my splitting. She told her mom and ever since, her parents don't like me. She proposed that I join them on their annual holiday but she now told me that they have strong doubts if that's a good idea. I really don't know how to regain their trust. I'm a good guy with good grades pursuing a meaningful career, but that all fades for my bps in their eyes.",3.8781471004243286,4.7365348910891125,4.641103253182461,87.48702970297029,71.37623762376238,8.147666195190949,25.319660537482317,8.418075326091056,1.4123086280056576,388,11,83,6,7,125,71,101,0.067,0.6629999999999999,0.27,0.9747,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,5,2,3,8,0,1,4,0,4,1,1,1,2,12,9,5,0,1,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,1,19,7,10,6,2,9,0,0,1,0,19,2,0,2,8,51,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22081738316339206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18052001685553756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5021626610478727,0.1596121728329499,0.0,0.0,0.1976029685131615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22528715105043803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967694984370603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749848526670236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337307690768421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352319437713396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4431916617217331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20303165448096586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784790032774168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508410408176738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636927724171475,0.0,0.0,0.3813901484174689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851477574788508 bpd,MurderByEgoDeath,2020/02/03,"I'm dating my FP, and they're married. Not to me. This is by far the most complicated relationship I've ever gotten myself into, and that's really saying something. They plan to leave their spouse at the end of this month, but I'm no fool, and I realize these situations never tend to end well for the person in my position. The problem is, obviously, I love them. I'm in love with them. I'm willing to clutch my sanity until the end of the month, but if it doesn't work out, then I have to get myself out or I know I'll completely lose it. My BPD is acting out way more than usual. The jealousy is eating me alive. We can only talk when the spouse is not around, and we see each other once or twice a week. Luckily, we do get to talk a lot because they're at their job or the spouse is, or they sneak around while at home. Still, knowing they spend most of their time with them is torture. They say they love me too, and that they're definitely leaving them, but as I said, I'm no fool. It really feels like they love me though, enough that it feels like I have a chance. The hardest part of this, is for most people, this would be about the excitement and the sneaking around. For people like us, not so much. I really want to be with this person. It's not about the excitement, it's about them. I just need to find a way to survive the month without going mad, while also preparing myself to have the strength to leave if they decide not to. Fuck my lack of self control when it comes to my FP!",3.688170995670994,4.384046107142861,4.726753246753248,87.29703463203467,71.69480519480518,7.944588744588746,23.43290043290043,8.11559375814309,1.0015199134199135,1163,27,256,16,21,381,148,308,0.096,0.701,0.203,0.9927,1,0,1,0,0,0,41.0,4,0,15,6,16,18,3,0,19,0,18,6,0,1,3,57,42,25,0,7,16,3,2,3,0,2,0,3,1,3,17,21,1,1,7,0,1,3,10,7,1,1,2,6,40,11,44,36,10,37,0,1,1,5,35,13,1,10,22,185,57,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795890291616392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26579145360955997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066869498220598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534655667062752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573081443314139,0.1043486564104828,0.0,0.11162423924724137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183754288878356,0.0,0.0,0.2644452485017513,0.10283453765865036,0.0,0.0,0.09002484176527907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100644298381321,0.14219943484640588,0.0,0.0,0.09096281560693127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920080132812118,0.10399400176795673,0.0,0.05656158539151467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983033838891643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876186862066184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939119358580099,0.0,0.0,0.3161435346007426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586668882565015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134151028289614,0.0,0.08461145058382434,0.35929592914369163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383164903850805,0.0,0.07316133612271232,0.07379552746782354,0.07675877645323356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059894420972384,0.0,0.07569222263759312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777441743854807,0.0,0.137994339265555,0.1738004295814988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523069473604986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19127220123581087,0.0,0.0,0.10685115738549693,0.0,0.0,0.09466978446950004,0.15829040653602947,0.0,0.0,0.07930746588530971,0.0,0.10382487513914324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186875558878608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661817018653172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947971766044302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599866844118593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778148353534412,0.0,0.05803304227701717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971470025570773,0.0,0.10961124292816243,0.0,0.058701628971477175,0.15799448624497894,0.07983187107627195,0.0,0.08948371614860523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593724975849068,0.0,0.07245440453606489,0.0,0.0,0.07069874745326915,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rukai2235,2020/02/03,"I thought it's gone but it relapsed again. (Has profanities) So I got off drugs for months and I didn't have to meet my psychiatrist anymore until one month later, some FP came to me, a straight crush, she talks about being suicidal, I got triggered and had internalized homophobia to the point where I tried to hang myself and here I am back to black, fucking hell. I needed to rant for a bit, sometimes it's great to be in suicide watch.",2.894534883720933,5.1030356046511605,3.832732558139536,86.73072674418606,76.67441860465118,6.625581395348838,25.86627906976745,7.645422480735847,1.3463534883720931,346,13,70,5,8,111,66,86,0.245,0.674,0.081,-0.9603,0,0,1,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,2,0,3,0,7,2,0,1,0,9,14,6,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,7,2,11,1,13,5,2,14,1,0,2,1,3,5,2,1,6,48,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21143338951550408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639347541488549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327550844153657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438397104766546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472399612286839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19709649498277626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34102502919903604,0.23504961500194585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403424207406326,0.0,0.0,0.15808231577459014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446729455130602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015393645624439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21085653972883486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4664041822043864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17135906763423228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925400589173625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474625716571027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sarcasm8itsfinest,2020/02/03,Not sure how to control my sudden outburst of emotions Last night I had a minor argument with my partner. And all of a sudden I became so angry. And it has been a while that I have felt this angry. And I just couldn't control it. Which made me throw things around and my partner calling me a psycho didn't help. And I can't blame him because he has no clue what I'm feeling or going through or about my disorder. And it was quickly followed by sadness and suicidal thoughts. I just couldnt stop crying. And I still feel miserable and helpless. I wish there was a way I can just cope with it.,2.2093388429752068,4.154158694214882,3.4256198347107443,90.09479338842978,77.7603305785124,5.722314049586777,26.702479338842977,6.574015621080383,1.0731256198347112,466,19,95,4,11,151,79,121,0.258,0.66,0.08199999999999999,-0.9751,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,10,4,0,1,5,0,12,0,0,4,2,32,21,14,1,3,6,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,9,12,0,3,4,0,0,3,6,3,0,0,8,3,16,1,9,11,1,13,0,3,0,0,6,1,0,2,8,74,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18714655760474774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815239842479156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21466522234150226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4715748043063178,0.0,0.0,0.2309244348092327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409382997151863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23647702474904256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125941266600437,0.0,0.20185084150152194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947682126271605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091069424753014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136302415200325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989218246563733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972837528899402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788751508992295,0.17575914485740635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22995416380933345,0.0,0.1981364139267269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966544529278335,0.0,0.0,0.16689671697308453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686836890199566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24175061929612585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,caeculius,2020/02/03,"Does anybody else only show their symptoms only with their FP? Like with other people, you're definitely fine, and they wouldn't even suspect you'd have BPD.. but when you're around your FP, its just so prominently there..",5.8516260162601625,7.5614310731707315,4.993658536585368,83.60235772357726,67.53658536585365,7.417886178861789,25.861788617886177,7.793537801064563,1.3834813008130076,178,5,32,2,3,53,34,41,0.0,0.8370000000000001,0.163,0.5337,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,3,0,6,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,8,3,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30729912354764505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43476439684003737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30208481816646954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883683688957991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22799981362764146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864615104128047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5250767854275874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393166085757629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.358792565907411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gaylord678,2020/02/03,How to work on mental health when your relapsing I forgot to take my meds and now I've been relapsing for like 3 days it's very annoying please help how can I work on my mental health when I'm relapsing,1.7991860465116292,3.7356283953488396,3.4211046511627927,89.68188953488372,79.0,8.020930232558143,20.05232558139535,8.841846274778883,1.1912372093023258,163,4,36,4,4,54,30,43,0.068,0.7490000000000001,0.183,0.6186,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,2,5,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,4,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,5,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,19,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385886894589075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5401446754430221,0.0,0.0,0.1703026893762565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412935736637487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822226538895065,0.0,0.5121004104965687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789006280326037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910345439580898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096404196721932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699426680278592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ItIsDeepJanuary,2020/02/03,"Splitting on my friends about celeb gossip Some friends of mine are very into fashion and celeb gossip. I'm not into these things - in fact they make me kind of anxious. Celeb gossip seems often to be really voyeuristic and predatory, sometimes, and fashion so expensive and wasteful and unhealthy. My friends will talk about this stuff for hours on end, and sometimes it will make me feel quite sad and alone to be there while they do; and more to the point I'll start doubting that we're really compatible as people, wondering whether they encode some of the meanness of the gossip they follow. But I also know them as kind, careful, clever people, who are very aware of the problems with gossip and fashion and follow these things because they enjoy other parts of them; and I know that my judgements encode intellectual snobbery and sexism and insecurity. I know how silly it all is, but I kind of want to hear from people who (maybe) have had similar experiences: what's going on in my head, and is any of it at all legitimate? I love my friends. I don't want to split on them and push them away for a totally dumbass reason, and any advice in how I can stop myself from doing so would make me really thankful.",8.066842105263156,7.605548666666667,7.656842105263159,74.00789473684213,62.33333333333334,10.056140350877193,33.912280701754376,9.2995712137729,2.9715807017543847,968,34,171,14,12,306,125,228,0.12,0.75,0.129,0.7348,0,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,9,1,10,22,0,2,5,0,15,2,1,6,4,49,36,27,0,4,4,0,1,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,15,19,0,1,8,0,1,4,2,9,0,0,1,2,26,13,33,30,7,21,0,1,0,1,23,12,0,6,5,129,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496705797764654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218508084962526,0.0,0.09408534960211408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600132373618714,0.0,0.0,0.13291198291875375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105368550548592,0.0,0.0,0.07171887177706733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199528919807302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104203740632707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508511573479015,0.0,0.0,0.059487809428074225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635870479124083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686369455270892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074372382054804,0.0,0.1326010689307957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586239735847798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675457957877011,0.19397350615391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618449383094726,0.0,0.2355985862846028,0.0,0.11819610142415865,0.1281562762081544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740441552913567,0.0,0.2446928764493001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121809006941097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257598316593063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513617069763566,0.0,0.0,0.22611045909215535,0.1209646779881907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071049235652143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327194161616992,0.0,0.08327388369268307,0.0,0.0,0.09836138635417684,0.0,0.0,0.13468208607107962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456330409560973,0.0,0.10831710426678128,0.0,0.0,0.1563240061951487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941485604817707,0.13878704997841612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758733816083204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835757948129167,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,albatrossaround,2020/02/03,"Just pretend everything is normal Go to work, clean the house, talk to your FP, talk to your friends and family, take care of your hygiene, go grocery shopping, do everything you normally do. Go through the motions of life even though you don't want to. Don't let anyone see your pain. Keep pretending everything is normal. *Things I have to say to myself to prevent self harm. I don't know if it's the right thing to do, but it's the only thing that's working right now.",4.00221198156682,5.428376225806455,4.436589861751155,86.91774193548392,71.68817204301075,7.894930875576037,28.3394777265745,8.418075326091056,1.910134869431644,371,14,75,6,7,117,58,93,0.07400000000000001,0.836,0.091,0.1378,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,6,0,2,4,4,0,0,4,0,10,2,0,0,0,11,19,4,0,5,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,1,6,1,0,2,1,3,1,4,3,2,0,0,0,2,9,2,11,18,0,7,0,0,1,0,11,2,0,1,1,47,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568460032596204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410313281664234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998303212378573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4075200761700427,0.0,0.14248673128895514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677480677968495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576987840507283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744018653386134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343452588685967,0.0,0.0,0.0830657338008651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455673707223536,0.10675869052056833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44427213704332136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495312941216936,0.16082970049825734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25815523462081424,0.0,0.12019714148414976,0.0,0.0,0.12044356832953353,0.0,0.1576779475114085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136427696057288,0.24297040563169214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30124349681778273,0.0,0.14849990050853315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914966051627014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22007176565533546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dolxvii,2020/02/03,"Doing a lot better, finished with therapy After almost 3 years of weekly psychologist visits and support groups I'm pretty much done, it's a weird feeling. A few weeks ago my psychologist asked me what I'd like us to work on now and I couldn't really think of anything, the idea of not seeing her every week is strange after such a long time but I think this is good. When I was at my worst I pretty much tanked my career and was fairly certain I had wrecked my life and all of my relationships, but consistent therapy and having like, tentpoles in my life to support me really worked, eventually. The eventually thing is a big caveat there, for the last few years I've often found myself fretting about progress, and how no matter how much of it the psych would tell me I made it never felt like it was good enough. I feel a lot more, boring now? Which is a shame, it's like the interesting part of me was the bpd part, now I'm a lot calmer but feel like my life is less exciting. Turning 30 this year, seems like a good age to like, start trying to have the life I want, treatment luckily helped me to have/maintain a good career, the next hurdle is trying to have a healthy relationship, wish me luck :D",7.252999999999999,6.043240966666668,7.4025,77.61250000000005,64.33333333333334,10.333333333333334,31.25,9.2995712137729,2.440875,952,27,192,14,12,309,134,240,0.065,0.614,0.321,0.9971,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,0,4,10,22,0,1,19,0,18,4,0,3,3,37,37,12,0,4,4,0,4,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,9,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,9,5,24,18,20,26,15,26,0,0,1,0,9,4,0,7,28,127,34,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433770432849952,0.0,0.0952710396553198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829381681085172,0.0,0.08894499202216734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414542909462146,0.0,0.0,0.1198281062996691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973633700204856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983071911757238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016129724538253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432006756175902,0.06796951367121544,0.09135130727131434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431836874343836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192026166335778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377172387425148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740381606504236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755348532511952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688066303235122,0.32537126642888264,0.0,0.0,0.08419773782147548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24265915627908596,0.0,0.09002572687821991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098211054566411,0.0,0.07337942954779184,0.0,0.10118467058931273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20605918012006288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935873783442963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190089232411146,0.0,0.0,0.204293954066507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758159115406253,0.08661376705434105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734204669383549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159321866356984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083158362556552,0.0,0.2176064970463926,0.0,0.06320816357869778,0.1219263933113624,0.0,0.0,0.05547810600921864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291904402014694,0.10348725120292257,0.0,0.0,0.11444419542826965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056117257810610485,0.0,0.2289516885230232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940868485893536,0.0,0.0,0.13852911989342714,0.0,0.0,0.06758619662241562,0.0,0.0,0.18380512077640535 bpd,sidenfnct,2020/02/03,"Not being able to act normal with others Not sure what flair I should add to this post (new to this subreddit). So, I have one friend in my college and she has her own life, her own group of friends. She acts like I'm important to her but I spend my life alone every weekend/holiday while she's with her true friends. It's always like that you know, you like someone, you wanna spend time with them, but they have their own world, their own true friend group that you'll never be a part of because people just never care about you. It's always like that. I'm also preparing a surprise birthday party for my boyfriend, all his girl friends talk to me like we're pals, like we're gonna become super friends and all. But I can't stand them. I don't even wanna open up to them, laugh with them. I hate that they think we are gonna get along because I know we're not. I have nothing to share with these people, or so i feel. They seem so empty, barely alive. I see them as Sims or semi alive things that don't actually have a story to tell. Am I pretentious? How do I get over this feeling of hate that I have for anyone that my brain doesn't like for no reason? Am I going crazy?",3.023637188208617,4.056878359183674,3.685680272108844,92.88094671201817,73.57142857142857,6.424036281179139,21.774376417233558,6.42735559955562,0.17061451247165493,918,20,207,6,18,290,130,245,0.091,0.631,0.278,0.9947,0,1,0,0,0,1,29.0,1,5,10,1,8,23,2,0,3,0,18,3,1,2,7,39,35,14,0,4,9,0,2,7,7,4,2,0,0,1,16,11,0,0,7,0,2,3,10,2,0,1,0,3,43,21,27,29,7,15,0,0,1,0,37,5,0,3,12,135,59,1,0.11770532027289606,0.0,0.1148634133897702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190721373545545,0.0,0.09412890209647404,0.19588051128732267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230229671982166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350414147414625,0.1299962786040614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313980649111485,0.0,0.0,0.12000841866659093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777432539349337,0.0,0.09917180891875108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190306931582701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5456330307730093,0.0,0.12299234346930107,0.0,0.06689464603125696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23241927032352214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937553152385042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16627749733723451,0.40253411771970654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18156319859456246,0.11368053178783855,0.0,0.0,0.11532622266162015,0.11294142933188647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976017125454611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746339155582032,0.0,0.16320409719051693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272916006571068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210206730339456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379590089830947,0.10715450287378067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973133589902324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093587137195736,0.0,0.0,0.09460707783706576,0.10287963799050974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819818460950438,0.0754208164983472,0.0,0.0,0.06863491881223725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Holyvian,2020/02/03,"Splitting as a non-BPD I would like to know if its okay to use the term ""splitting"" to name a phenomenon happening frequently to me? I am not diagnosed, but i just wanted to know if I can name it like that. I've been experiencing something very similar. I discovered the term and found out that I spot more easily those moments when I am saying to myself that I am ""splitting"" I am sorry if it sounds dumb but I want to be sure not to wrongly use psychology terms when you don't have a disorder.",5.2252333333333345,5.29657959,6.722000000000001,76.55433333333336,68.1,10.666666666666668,31.66666666666667,10.504223727775694,3.176166666666667,389,15,80,10,6,134,62,100,0.06,0.764,0.17600000000000002,0.8547,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,3,6,1,0,5,1,10,1,0,2,1,21,18,9,0,6,8,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,3,13,4,10,14,4,8,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,3,9,57,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952263967467932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237917353650626,0.0,0.0,0.26864980739951394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570142938052393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072846240454974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576470289728723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290380530651016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864092145906056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804573409139592,0.0,0.2623985441154685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209250646458784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4049033818621967,0.0,0.19340965982668007,0.2765176940592797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651543544180294,0.2562863764639581,0.0,0.0 bpd,Enlightened_Dude88,2020/02/03,"Could really use some answers from someone who understands Quiet BPD. So after knowing her for over 4 years and being friend for 2 years and I guess call it “favorite person” for 2 years...this is what I’ve learned. During my friendship period I always assumed she had depression and would build her up, she had a BF that was horrible to her when I’d met her, not BS, I saw how he threatened suicide and broke her down constantly by saying his ex was more beautiful than her and she should feel lucky...I believe he was a Narc...anyways she went from him to a nice guy. She was a lot happier but still had depression. After they split she started idealizing me I guess...I fell for it eventually but not quickly and that probably explains our nearly perfect 2 years. Things didnt get bad until I finally “fell” or allowed myself to be completely vulnerable and thats when things got a little rocky the last few months.​ Basically near the end it went from really great to cold in days, she asked for time to think and this was when my replacement was selected. After that cold days of “space” we ended things and next morning she calls me to tell me about her new relationship.​ Shocked and hurt as anyone would be, but unlike most people I remained calm and it threw her off that I did so. I’m not one to jump in a relationship as I have a pretty big ego and even though she did this...I simply questioned why the downgrade in my mind. She went 0-100 mph in this new relationship and I cautioned her saying that I didnt see her current relationship working and it upset her. She told me the guy has issues with alcohol and has trouble understanding a serious no from a playful no and he hates his life but she makes him happy. As someone who cares for her and wellbeing its only natural I’d say the relationship is unhealthy. I wasn’t aware of BPD or what it was at this time. But I couldn’t pin her complete disregard for me almost seemed hateful and passive aggressive. I started piecing together all the things...she is easily upset by criticism, slight things that seem trivial to most would set her off completely, she changed her personality completely with this new relationship, how she acts in a new relationship idealizing, the quick swap to hatred, when asked about herself she has trouble knowing who she is or was before her current FP. You guys know I dont have to keep listing but it all made sense to me.​ Understanding this made me able to not take things personally...still hurts like hell, not going to lie, but it helped me to understand the situation and how to respond.​ We kept light daily contact for nearly a couple months and this is how I handled it.​ I am her friend first and foremost, and I keep that mindset. I care for her wellbeing, as I also care for my own wellbeing.​ While she is in this new relationship I believe she does have to keep me painted black in her mind while he is “perfect”. So I don’t take that personally but I sense passive aggression in subtle ways.​ There are times she would come to me for advice, or simply to vent and receive validation and I have to problem giving her this comfort, because I understand there is nonstop pain in her mind it costs me nothing to be there and hopefully less destructive behavior follows. ​Sometimes she will make comments about how great her new relationship is, or mention inappropriate things...I believe this is the passive aggression to beat me down. How do I deal with it? Well I maintain confident composure, laugh about it. I am the guy who cares about her knowing who she is not who she pretends to be, I am the best guy, any other guy is a downgrade from me and that is my mentality(I don’t say this stuff to her but I keep that train of thought as it helps me not be appear vulnerable to these passive aggressive actions). Now this I do vocalize, I admit I miss her and want he in my life but her happiness is important too, I tell her that she really is a good person that deserves love, and she is worth it. Being kind and confident will nullify her motives to passive aggressive attacks. When she asked why I think her relationship wouldn’t work, I told her what I thought in the nicest way possible without using labels. She really pushed me to answer this question or stop hinting that I thought it wouldn’t work otherwise I didn’t want to get into it but after she pushed and pushed I did. “The lack of a constant core self identity makes commitment based on the moment and hard to keep indefinitely.” “The fact she sees herself unlovable, not worth it, and her extreme self criticism makes her numb to feeling authentic love. Like there is an invisible space suit that she cant see and others cant see, real love cannot reach her through it so when infatuation fades she begins feeling empty and cant understand why, this causes her to fall into doubt and negative thoughts and pushing others away...which adds to her guilt and makes her feel even worse around that person till she picks them apart” “Her emotions overwhelm her. Imagine two people on a sinking boat...one cant swim and has phobia, the other is a weak swimmer, the person with the phobia out of fear and impulse will drown the weak swimmer. They may really love and care about that person but that happened out of fear/impulse control, their emotions are basically similar and that’s why I don’t take it personally” ​Surprisingly she didn’t get too defensive just slightly. ​When she got cold with me, I didn’t let it get too me...stayed confident and teased or laughed about it in a loving way not a dick way...this seemed to discourage that behavior. ​A few days after that discussion my replacement asked her not to talk to me anymore and of course while still idealizing after only a couple months she complies. He even tells me off on her phone that I’m disrespectful to her and make her feel miserable after we talk so he wants me to leave her alone. So we’ve been no contact for over a month now, I’m sure she will reach out again when he slides off the pedestal. ​No contact is abandonment if I initiate it to her but when she requests it maturely and I respect it then I simply state I understand and am still there for her when circumstances change. So surely she doesn’t feel abandoned since I implied this and left the door open on my end right? Unconditional love cannot save her, only she can unravel these issues with the help of therapy and awareness. That doesn’t mean I can’t love her unconditionally, be there for her, validate their pain, fears, emotions, and be a consistent reliable figure for her. I truly believe that she deserves that. I believe even though she isnt reaching out right now she will eventually, when that happens I will be there for her and continue helping her find awareness without allowing myself to fall but let it be perceived that I am slowly. If I love her, I want her to be healthy and happy and a relationship should not take priority over her health or my own. ​I guess what I want to know is, do you think she will eventually reach out again? Or will she avoid it if she realizes I was right about her relationship for fear of hearing “I told you so”. I’m not like that and she should know that but doesn’t mean she wouldn’t fear it. She stayed friends on social media so I feel if she really hated me I’d been blocked. It did seem to baffle her that no matter how mean she was after the breakup that I continued to show concern for her and not get hateful. She would ask if I wanted her to leave me alone after she would say certain things almost as if she hoped I’d hate her to make it easier I guess. If she does reach out, I want her to know she doesn’t have to do things she doesn’t really want to do to receive care, concern, validation etc from me. I feel thats where misunderstandings happen. I feel in her mind I am selfish because she has to go work so hard to get her needs met...and in the minds of most people in my position she is selfish for simply wanting her needs met. While splitting she made the statement, “Everyone is selfish and puts their own feelings first before others”. I disagreed with that. I want her to be happy but she will never find it the way she is looking for it. I’ve never asked her to breakup and come back either because that would be selfish in my opinion to ask someone to leave what makes them happy to make someone else happy...but also I feel that no one will understand her like I do but I’d rather her relationship end with reasons unrelated to myself. So is there any hope? Is me respecting her wishes to respect her new FP in anyway considered abandonment in her mind? I always respect a woman asking for space because for one I feel its creepy not too. Does she think I don’t care because I didn’t fight about it? Any advice would be appreciated...she really means alot to me and I’d like to see her truly happy one day and preferably not be resented by her if possible. ​",5.195465217391302,6.406839866086957,5.688018115942032,79.88576630434784,68.6,8.857246376811592,30.31702898550725,9.165898944805102,2.5458681159420293,7119,275,1347,134,120,2291,551,1725,0.145,0.675,0.179,0.9978,3,3,1,0,1,1,161.0,4,3,7,15,78,111,17,11,51,0,139,18,1,28,11,311,298,137,2,47,54,1,14,5,4,25,9,7,1,17,108,82,1,16,61,4,3,26,54,54,1,7,46,33,262,57,184,207,20,171,1,12,8,9,258,58,2,43,86,954,370,6,0.02603692156653217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05088595682961845,0.0,0.027825550821145836,0.052144431846707966,0.053932796836464215,0.0,0.04164343353975022,0.04332960903530751,0.0,0.0,0.05311799852797944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025821629864469373,0.018205620947899487,0.0,0.0,0.023178380342145127,0.19472805550923405,0.029620757093970287,0.024462544894803692,0.020020785521409398,0.021739741945113973,0.07935932860494632,0.0,0.04431100508646233,0.14667347247685342,0.02732414283366872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655851824947968,0.0,0.053173216043555585,0.0,0.185824637648564,0.026747090648960952,0.05508722128959,0.044857004925949434,0.10919686755738472,0.05627332485515025,0.02920262150124421,0.020788363227285663,0.05761871696640969,0.0,0.06716664171853817,0.02684292285770524,0.0448511247859585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835525656777137,0.0,0.030515078163102363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02175050698403486,0.08786409686554322,0.09224393736076414,0.0,0.02903805009607033,0.06878856453855546,0.0,0.0,0.02487939434458241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649387728714042,0.1579805983919736,0.0,0.0,0.028522174901464276,0.04759454922640975,0.044293984367049434,0.0,0.0,0.060348183044778764,0.0,0.08161930130523368,0.02497698767661769,0.029594765094706387,0.021838534496630525,0.041648209389613236,0.057411595891019074,0.11473041813611233,0.15468387521906524,0.06907309125909131,0.16630072297297635,0.04664793510204752,0.12853034803214536,0.0,0.02767603008388105,0.0293455029113021,0.0,0.0698079987651799,0.0,0.0,0.07758161397774484,0.0,0.0,0.05574612609078633,0.0,0.0,0.054351563021733634,0.0,0.11571406106307942,0.0,0.027113447142103942,0.10016447818049068,0.021223566178353092,0.0,0.08270802151280192,0.028289191465041524,0.05324903271437275,0.036781295411383,0.06360162350849648,0.026095835554389785,0.0,0.0,0.02186445654962474,0.0,0.0,0.022135659626739308,0.18799470610466693,0.07391029419803691,0.15641862593102668,0.0,0.0,0.11344736228426007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773921094115811,0.0,0.06234726716305395,0.0,0.0,0.03861209485789673,0.040162558074818736,0.17602634766699116,0.027690561468441986,0.0,0.0,0.024983128462745502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057316757723461,0.059406756359905076,0.05541024057250834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05415216918021516,0.1818754849681124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058705433893824134,0.0,0.026488909675431903,0.02807220518721279,0.02491381757610609,0.0,0.02617429762035647,0.05833462196789231,0.0,0.0,0.02963571695027104,0.13343934935200594,0.026770291813558385,0.0,0.3634008263154504,0.0,0.06670616626348802,0.0,0.1035280253760829,0.0,0.0,0.10374027738463502,0.0948121420631424,0.05432437527097897,0.0,0.0,0.021538010577958882,0.029266590745031688,0.0,0.026541362630230058,0.08824399660127455,0.0,0.02575118119166088,0.0,0.03685813419218263,0.05550378813454969,0.062379357588885874,0.021768032285792868,0.0,0.0,0.029806045914771723,0.028480166230412444,0.0,0.04907898088429352,0.0,0.07830609873265043,0.0418549825882374,0.0682722512187652,0.0,0.029775488951544363,0.0,0.12108441625422388,0.06673363206007836,0.05116228648489295,0.08268162948586051,0.045547015046464974,0.0,0.0,0.07463818303374722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025434289057828262,0.2168428287369361,0.0,0.04497508096298138,0.0,0.0,0.15357250933317193,0.08266758568228594,0.0,0.0,0.023410319396887383,0.0724094614347905,0.0939770877188429,0.0,0.029941174840250332,0.05019732652084837,0.0,0.07582075599469852,0.0,0.02653384747273616,0.14796705636071927,0.0,0.0,0.050300771504523084 bpd,butterpopcornbaby,2020/02/03,"Abusive behavior is scaring me and my boyfriend away. How do I fix this? I’m in recovery from BPD. I’m doing DBT therapy, seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist. I’m very self aware and am progressing very well. Every now and then I have an episode after a fight with my boyfriend (me 26f and him 27m). These episodes can at random times burst into firs of rage and abuse. It ranges from hitting myself to hitting him or throwing objects, becoming very violent screaming and crying and yelling at the top of my lungs. It’s exhausting and horrible and toxic behavior. I’m working very hard at fixing this behavior. It comes out of no where and it usually comes out of no where. There is no excuse for my behavior. My boyfriend got to the point where he wanted to call the police and I couldn’t believe it had gotten to that point. How do I fix this? What can I do? Should I even be in a relationship with this man?",2.5400993171942865,4.940432770949722,3.7799534450651775,85.67434978274366,78.83240223463687,7.329733085040349,26.704220980757288,8.344100000000001,2.0071524518932344,722,30,141,15,18,235,106,179,0.221,0.7509999999999999,0.027999999999999997,-0.9894,0,0,0,0,3,0,20.0,0,0,0,3,9,7,3,1,7,0,14,2,1,2,0,26,26,16,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,2,12,19,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,6,1,0,3,5,16,1,23,18,0,23,0,0,1,0,9,15,0,2,5,98,28,1,0.0,0.3688600300064424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624640046307755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191271984528514,0.0,0.17537396444567446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19604658682947407,0.0,0.15894485796257904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681722418573118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17098368841717188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281105257085077,0.0,0.13114910354569764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449442065729854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943955191593405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29429542447100204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711910770113975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584143668758474,0.0,0.12403976949893572,0.0,0.16238589187982874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17800920141045867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090765794960252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143598216797346,0.5137386641126243,0.09181148893805237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995579610414932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133213315734106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PorcelainFruit,2020/02/03,"Medication... i guess I've been told that there is no particular medication that will 'help' with BPD but it really depends on your experience personally i'm on antipsychotics and antidepressants and they really don't help if anything they make me feel worse i have stopped taking my meds and i feel a lot better and a lot more energetic. I understand that it's different for each person but i feel the tradeoff of more anxiety for feeling a little more ""normal"" is definitely worth it. The antipsychotics do dull the homicidal agitated i want to rip my face off urges haha, but i'm not sure that is because i'm to tired for my brain to function properly or because thats their job? One thing they are helpful with is getting a good sleep personally sometimes i get this delusional warped perception of reality after a bad sleep especially in the REM times because my dream/subconscious state seems to linger (i would like to know if anyone else gets this) Bit of a weird incoherent ramble but please let me know your experience with medication and BPD. thanks",8.181790209790208,8.431667430769235,8.50927738927739,65.62951048951051,61.87179487179488,12.62937062937063,36.701631701631705,12.079253325248375,4.747358974358973,859,37,148,27,11,284,120,195,0.153,0.6709999999999999,0.17600000000000002,0.7264,3,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,4,1,1,9,0,0,10,1,12,8,4,2,1,36,32,12,0,5,8,0,4,1,0,2,4,0,0,3,11,9,0,1,9,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,2,4,20,6,19,27,7,9,0,1,0,0,13,5,0,8,4,94,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626071337172167,0.0,0.0,0.07884406830940993,0.1155354390891789,0.09279146561728736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414947745285623,0.2062114445892343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972661965821104,0.12310417597905615,0.0,0.2840333006769259,0.1258769003840422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780968402063052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941960981897408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22060086723207256,0.0,0.0,0.2280583768940391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17673656355617548,0.0,0.0,0.09457732370443553,0.0,0.0,0.12421730836012056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267409597948956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189641052150597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239393510457892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530423446574077,0.0,0.055088598876621576,0.11301464788976752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917281991840927,0.0,0.0,0.07526784577541766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525039123602347,0.3407800178562264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104803746650377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640875943197245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953717536263312,0.0,0.12377607642628405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444732536943026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265201921402144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256818789190167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152203458116906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942719959629014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627449985011153,0.0,0.08478111533779935,0.0,0.0,0.10381380330877743,0.0,0.0,0.07491240530033379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575097467407061,0.1296004644304677,0.0,0.10774654008312336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738662231205885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650847807368593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491156981894908,0.08010111775803565,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,basskitty97,2020/02/03,"What is FP? I’m new here, just wondering what this means.",-1.16,0.8274363333333383,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,102.33333333333334,5.7333333333333325,14.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,-0.17596666666666616,44,1,11,1,2,14,11,12,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6000555171359051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5320306588616067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5973916256410415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ufo21,2020/02/03,"I’ve just listened to the full Amber Heard and Johnny Depp audio. DAE feel like she may have BPD? (Not using that as an excuse for physical violence) The way she speaks and argues, it just reminds me of me during my last relationship... I can genuinely feel her severe insecurity through my body? I don’t even know how to convey what I mean. It’s like she splits so frequently. What do you guys think??",2.466153846153848,4.9101552948718,3.945833333333337,84.13875,79.38461538461539,6.976923076923077,21.28846153846154,8.07648339933343,1.1828923076923077,315,9,61,6,8,104,62,78,0.11,0.812,0.078,-0.5661,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,5,4,1,1,3,0,5,1,1,2,0,13,13,5,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,4,0,1,5,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,6,12,2,6,11,1,4,0,0,0,0,12,1,0,1,4,40,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30697747781156354,0.3480700754538593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18253544427658794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27947531597248904,0.19743409524420907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736432533027657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518821179326412,0.2252730876119893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700344321871377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30104080257348115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967109061578015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122120210835881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17708253192940607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23868927749908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193644333329745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Reachingout365,2020/02/03,"Anyone else have low endurance for your emotions? I cry, and let it out, then minutes later it's like nothing happened. I dissociate pretty quickly. I don't know how to feel anymore; it's too much. I wish feeling felt safe. I wish feelings and situations could be magically fixed",2.482939560439561,5.4318077884615406,3.872527472527473,80.5296153846154,86.5,5.279120879120879,30.505494505494504,6.868970318607317,2.14974945054945,223,12,37,3,7,73,43,52,0.139,0.6409999999999999,0.21899999999999997,0.5379999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,13,13,4,0,3,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,6,2,3,9,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21656906826286426,0.15269269935817426,0.2237507328620835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435446478295966,0.0,0.23987440359049456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18242407843739533,0.24564219599104656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312504979056107,0.0,0.20967400119184426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931080660481589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001304900715833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22330297237973096,0.0,0.10668687000423488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053056429332066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20953645768554674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22216562307715285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454623632260917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5022403598752675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yegsnowfight,2020/02/03,"Need help for my gf My gf was diagnosed with BPD, CPTSD, complicated bereavement, and Major depression. The BPD shes known about for awhile and was honest with me as soon as we started dating and the rest she was officially diagnosed with after going into an 18 week therapy program. She’s grew up in an extremely abusive family and had an abusive ex. I’ve read a lot about bpd’s but she’s not like a lot of them.. she has never done drugs, rarely drinks, doesn’t like sex (she has vaginismus) has never cheated. She’s actually loyal to a fault. She puts everyone before herself and is the kindest caring soul I’ve ever met. Like she’ll help someone else even if it kills her. It’s odd. It is like she’s constantly living on an emotional rollercoaster where one moment she’s ok and the next she’s not. Lately she’s been having a harder time than usual, she’s been really sad and she has a hard time talking to others about it because she said the way she grew up is humiliating. There’s very few people who know how bad it actually was and she doesn’t want to tell others because they’ll “think less of her” or “pitty her”. A bit of history. We’ve been together for 2 years and our relationship is long distance as I’m in the military. She used to be a pilot until right before she was officially diagnosed with all of it... I cheated on her after a massive fight we had a year into our relationship and she hasn’t been able to get over it. The other day she broke up with me because she said she couldn’t trust me anymore and then the next day she tried to take it back but threatened to hurt herself. It’s not “I’ll kill myself if you breakup with me” it’s more like “I’m sad today more sad than usual and I just want to die” so it’s not really manipulative either. I love her so much and I really fucked up by cheating on her but I’ve been trying to fix it but she just won’t cut me any slack. The last 2 days she’s been the worst I’ve seen her in a long time and she won’t stop crying, talking about dying and today she hit herself in the head and pulled out some of her hair.. I dont know what to do, how to stop her or help her.w",2.5167090184354777,3.9724862488789263,4.322384155455904,86.13920154459394,75.52466367713005,7.4667663178873935,22.70279023418037,8.167268648758528,1.10213971101146,1681,46,361,28,36,570,206,446,0.203,0.6920000000000001,0.105,-0.9948,0,0,2,0,1,2,35.0,4,1,2,0,16,28,8,0,25,1,35,10,2,4,4,63,56,33,4,6,15,1,2,5,2,4,4,2,0,0,17,27,1,2,4,2,0,5,13,17,0,1,18,5,61,11,53,31,14,57,1,6,1,3,65,17,1,7,39,244,78,2,0.08204488160511629,0.19441953724748015,0.1601279386602761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579333293034995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136647643493633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308744962602876,0.06850404912327801,0.15004139494025912,0.0,0.13962830270977825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957176127475239,0.0,0.3099979687932188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365022480113783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866137003695662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012244991237812,0.15873648369477794,0.0,0.07066513630494396,0.24982148339400845,0.17029926777964874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396039925650413,0.09615599020280242,0.08037274916036828,0.09514601513595433,0.0,0.06853797081181104,0.09228944886659393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541898705164722,0.07421429256994504,0.0,0.07839740032984753,0.0,0.0,0.07734461256983105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584917099032097,0.04286506436106368,0.0,0.04662799694122614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349609866110568,0.0,0.08420171847576544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497886412408874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783074265087963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154101107108947,0.0,0.09017944254230552,0.06687752889264663,0.09255020007407327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20041492452607101,0.0,0.07244713358922915,0.14521427683733912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950324877587794,0.07404870889466071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603124281848298,0.06083524012327371,0.12655614120075814,0.0,0.17451132473185887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055595735113851935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568795904909881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824777669614973,0.0,0.0,0.08206708411527372,0.0,0.15768015610649674,0.0,0.0,0.1761709968081926,0.0,0.07006588060515234,0.15608694099061124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951636193831091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05807178948278944,0.0,0.0,0.1371863894969742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061687540355548826,0.13188913605862626,0.07171084279741129,0.0,0.093825472397783,0.0,0.0,0.05257104730543757,0.0,0.0,0.14352309075421096,0.0,0.1555379090108924,0.0,0.0,0.11140617808480406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086043531220328,0.1807216917489408,0.06769561975932346,0.0967843937605629,0.06512340814324717,0.0658114551526556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566842761317688 bpd,neurocentricx,2020/02/03,"DAE feel like it's unfair that others will reap the benefits of you getting ""better"" without having to lift a finger? I think this is a big roadblock for me healing. I'm in the process of finding a new therapist as mine had to step down due to personal issues. The only person I've discussed this with until now is my boyfriend. I have a small friend group that I would assume or hope I am close to but lately it has not felt that way. I feel cut off from them. They will invite each other to things, always talking about little trips they have taken together, or posting pictures on Facebook of going out to things, while never inviting me, and they will throw each other birthday parties while never attempting to do the same for me. I believe that they should meet me halfway on making things better because their actions are hurting me, although I can't fully explain that because whenever I do, it never comes out right and then I'd likely be accused of being a bad friend or expecting too much. My boyfriend thinks that it is not their responsibility; that since I am the only one hurt (in their eyes they likely don't see anything wrong), then I need to change and get better; if I got better then this wouldn't be an issue. Except if I got better, they would reap the rewards and would have done nothing to deserve it. I see their pictures, I hear the conversations of, ""Oh I was just with so and so yesterday, and they will be here today,"" and I'm thinking, ""Why wasn't I invited yesterday?"" But if I got better and let that all go, they would continue to live their lives the same way, and just be happy they don't have to deal with ""reactive Neuro"", just ""neuro-typical Neuro"". And that fucking sucks. I just spent $50 getting them gifts for Galentine's Day (a celebration either the day before or after Valentine's Day to celebrate your girl friends) to make up for how I am because of BPD but then I get into my reactive mind when I remember the 30th birthday party for one friend where her house was decorated to look like Hogwarts and a bunch of people showed and my 34th birthday two months ago was spent with going to lunch and getting a manicure with one person, and most people who knew it was my birthday didn't even send a text. So why should I get better for them? Why should I work so hard going through all the painful mental abuse I've experienced in my life up to this point and have them go, ""Great, you're better now, and when we don't invite you to things you won't spend 13 hours straight listening to one depressive song."" But then I remember that I desperately need friends and to remove them from my life would probably cause more drama because they wouldn't understand ever what I'm going through. Or how much I suppress it just to seem normal on a daily basis. My BPD is just as real as if it was a physical disability, and yet it's treated as, ""God, she's exasperating, let's just not invite her because we want to have a good time."" If I was good enough, they would care about me despite this huge flaw. If I was good enough, I'd get invited to shit instead of only bigger events. If I was good enough they'd wanna help how they could to understand where I'm coming from instead of never thinking that they did anything remotely wrong or hurtful. But I'm not, so I'm forced to get better and move along the platform while go and do fun activities and hang out and message each other and only come towards the platform when I just over the finish line. And that makes me not want to get better.",9.116320346320348,6.6329119379509365,8.726647907647905,73.64044805194808,61.65512265512265,11.260202020202026,36.95281385281385,9.2995712137729,3.2415624242424244,2795,96,534,35,30,899,297,693,0.08199999999999999,0.7559999999999999,0.162,0.9957,1,0,0,0,1,0,73.0,2,4,24,13,32,43,4,0,27,0,61,9,3,7,7,133,120,67,0,27,34,0,5,4,5,16,4,3,0,4,36,43,1,1,16,3,3,18,19,12,0,5,21,13,79,31,78,74,16,87,0,4,4,1,55,29,3,17,41,391,115,1,0.0,0.061837044133282386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046263606473692535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0434265616414552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589644119674272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0435767718503773,0.159073799751064,0.0,0.04441015362529764,0.058800665277105035,0.0,0.4615813353219386,0.0,0.0,0.1314638665701115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053211551843193115,0.05361387774582533,0.05521048226028346,0.13487212551678945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04166975688052268,0.0,0.0,0.10097539667838364,0.05380597102397512,0.04495148187510534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053408859909625635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177978434317652,0.0,0.034471241544397624,0.04720916992129609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05277802982738383,0.0372848046757988,0.050110931570961866,0.0,0.047701044892737236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016107191126815,0.048249148212208805,0.2454057882019669,0.0,0.2076268961304679,0.17509919624784642,0.1252241992887926,0.057540057789675865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05555761028076451,0.04675231266234045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05882233047792925,0.0,0.03498209918040631,0.0,0.0,0.051836805003291166,0.05139699311882953,0.06022066994612714,0.16761258420180106,0.0,0.0,0.10894635582561757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058873001011617826,0.0,0.0,0.1067363612551535,0.0737271915439364,0.10199029754596528,0.05230845311179917,0.09217009073289584,0.0,0.0438267591722552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451241467592197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05259560907678585,0.0,0.05269738730413243,0.0,0.04165784861534885,0.05547009475209985,0.07673184158860212,0.07739698348470306,0.16100969685587768,0.0504057763447086,0.0,0.0,0.051135473196155225,0.050078059430434536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146215856820624,0.15877248680027742,0.055534224318274365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236445055410393,0.13671183172806875,0.0,0.0,0.049336761022652914,0.0,0.04998393955795116,0.0,0.056270036869277874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059404057298599634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824301132797828,0.044570283548231775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317792199554826,0.047512144966602284,0.0,0.0,0.053572656072710514,0.04317240634393402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041948635629022735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059703226037539,0.13869182847755065,0.13376590515061945,0.0,0.0,0.03043261948794796,0.0,0.049470360232686285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0509823996185305,0.1086640138038028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061566454823587725,0.0828525593770475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14128105065688173,0.0,0.0,0.0503096460579085,0.0,0.037995204748125885,0.0,0.0,0.22244721232255105,0.11412393461581995,0.0,0.0 bpd,Smalls139,2020/02/03,"Just how it is? I've been experiencing my usual fogginess and I guess I would call them episodes of dissociation/derealization/depersonalization (I don't know how to classify them yet) for a while, but these past few months have been mostly a blur of empty days. The whole day is filled with a mind fog that makes me feel like I'm not the one doing the stuff ""my"" body is doing. I find myself losing track of time constantly, whether it's the start of the day feeling like the end and vice versa. I rarely get enjoyment out of tasks and if I do it's related to fleeting interpersonal relationships or substances. I can't tell if this mind fog, episodes of whatever they may be, and lack of enjoyment is coming from the 5mg daily dosage of Abilify I'm on (which seems unlikely due to it not being a very high dosage) or if it's just a random period in my life where I feel this way.",7.0539709595959605,6.038572869318184,7.792348484848485,74.02588383838385,64.625,11.458585858585858,31.48737373737373,10.746095033038511,3.0073025252525247,699,21,145,16,9,235,112,176,0.096,0.855,0.049,-0.8431,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,3,1,6,5,0,0,12,0,16,2,1,3,0,36,28,14,0,5,11,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,7,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,2,4,16,4,17,22,4,22,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,11,16,97,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720783797804705,0.0,0.0,0.17209624661414144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518065214984405,0.0,0.18212981483265675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32607940042507977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927473429192228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556537862863553,0.2408073085837824,0.0,0.0,0.15404077260340562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805420254183143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18566372135101405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806975895674826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262413362829924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904344624782427,0.16467840764661903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885510266186225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250049231645323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403508779634889,0.0,0.13452550568092636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420578023496172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088868957445562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18094684874701525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534307589101629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929213659898134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929358052798334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730973043550086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982759230706646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185620909313488,0.1390615855203712,0.0,0.13377770117309448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18816677289615624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197246326109192,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,-YouWontLikeIt,2020/02/03,"I found where my online FP lives and I feel like such a creep. He kinda ended things with me a month before I was supposed to fly out to him. Telling me he needs to work on himself first that he's in no position to care about anyone before he fixes his shit, but months prior to that he strung me along and made plans with me and basically was my rock and my confident. I've been missing him so much, his voice. How he made me feel safe at night and whenever I had a panic attack. Well last night instead of spamming him with emails, I was going through the pictures he sent me. In one them he was outside his apartment building, I knew the city and spent two hours looking for apt buildings in such (tiny) city. I found it. The exact same number. Which means he lives across the street from that apt complex. His (described) car was in the park way. So I know where he lives. I'm not going to do anything about it because he clearly doesn't want me. But I fantasize (key word: fantasize) about being there. Just walking on the same streets he walks on or drives from to. I literally don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I'm experiencing actual loss, as if he died. I want to hear his voice just one more time. I want him to explain why he strung me along for so long if he wasnt in it for the long run. He knew about my bpd, he made me feel like I could be myself around him. Like I didn't have to pretend to be normal. He was okay with all of it, but in the last two weeks he grew distant, angry. He says it's his depression, he says his life is in shambles, so I can't understand why would you want to push away the one person you've spent talking to for hours on a daily basis for the last three months of your life. I can't not think about him, I can't not stop crying about it. He was lovely, he made me feel like maybe I wasn't alone and finally someone was going to understand me. He was good at talking to me out of my panick attacks , he gave me a reason to wake up every morning. And then he took it all way. And now I struggle getting out of bed, I haven't showered in two days, I feel like death. Thanks for reading so far. Just needed it out there.",2.7201090767432845,3.810546688741724,3.724498766393975,92.09042559407871,74.38631346578367,6.477314634463058,23.257304246201787,6.661559191721324,0.4461378262563307,1682,45,381,13,34,542,207,453,0.121,0.767,0.11199999999999999,-0.6473,1,1,0,0,0,0,52.0,0,2,1,4,26,21,3,2,15,1,29,5,2,6,4,76,73,23,2,11,12,0,6,6,0,1,2,5,2,1,14,21,0,2,19,3,2,12,13,8,1,8,27,13,59,13,67,41,6,64,0,3,1,1,55,28,1,4,28,236,73,2,0.0,0.0,0.07575030648973317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039556314101833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05427684949758503,0.0,0.06387834268273992,0.06910225501391341,0.0,0.17661813122385633,0.07293076525007892,0.0,0.0,0.047319169692116865,0.0,0.1321054503467584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776532999695484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914334275000831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061976840307591825,0.0,0.08526685923250236,0.05006137547090821,0.0,0.06685786100818898,0.0,0.08056196711964397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875225952911697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540198222426931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23549565233172934,0.2772747621155247,0.0,0.08503383646736798,0.0,0.06602735303615416,0.0,0.17022249720680824,0.0,0.0,0.04055559311160014,0.0,0.1323473625721423,0.06510774081881528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748844378919457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528889762399851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532078123038453,0.18982296356072628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965694831739237,0.22754043425501655,0.0,0.20563154511080325,0.13739046501373892,0.06518502285017591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005913447546415,0.29380068393817893,0.0,0.0,0.07798423541326267,0.08455582792564995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18587738622478805,0.0,0.057062933031739066,0.11511515412663464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456906541780459,0.07605552068417784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15780109366165407,0.0,0.0,0.09107561594871584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777871208818538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764549804940303,0.0,0.0,0.07981090586962841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234602229322618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968042529722269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577097996684088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489755090561028,0.0,0.08114997287114037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478325222562167,0.06784722723578726,0.07146620283278704,0.0,0.0,0.05157026311772697,0.04973863997989581,0.0,0.0,0.045263465384600535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624366652028191,0.0,0.0,0.2274835475077431,0.1616196669927815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18313974568397826,0.12322941687204135,0.06226568505232007,0.0,0.06979374041849723,0.0,0.14008806019125364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05651155450416239,0.0,0.0,0.05514221179048865,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lottiebradford,2020/02/03,"On the outside I'm fine, but inside... I'm losing my mind I don't usually write posts. I never know how to collect my words into something cohesive, so it just ends up being more frustrating than relieving. The last couple of weeks have been hard. I had been doing really well (exceptionally so, I think), for the first few weeks of January. In December, I had a hard time with my boyfriend, but we worked through things together and our relationship became even stronger because of it. Right now, honestly my life is normal. It's good, even. I go to school. I have a part time job. I have a couple of friends that I love dearly. I have a boyfriend who I am absolutely in love with and care about. On the outside, everything is really good. But, my brain doesn't care about any of that. I've been suffering mood swings worse than I ever have before. I'm falling back into old self-harming habits and becoming apathetic about responsibilities. I'm beginning to feel those suicidal ideation thoughts invading again. I'm feeling worthless, not good enough, and generally like a piece of shit. I am constantly creating problems in my head that don't exist. Especially with my boyfriend. I've recently learned about the term FP on here, and I never realized how accurate it is to have such intense feelings for these people and always feel like shit when, in your head, it's seeming like they don't care about you as much as you do about them (but it's seriously all in your head). I don't know. I feel like I am going totally insane. My feelings of contentment are always quickly washed away with either an intense feeling of dread, sadness, or emptiness. I DO NOT want to become this extremely unhealthy person again. I don't want to ruin my relationships. I don't want to struggle at school. I guess I just needed to put this somewhere. I can't talk about it. I don't know how to. I don't even know how to talk to my therapist about it. I feel like I'm ruining my life and ruining the lives of the people I'm close to as well. I just. Really REALLY don't want to fuck things up. Like I always do.",3.1993120393120407,5.390017481572482,4.500982800982801,82.38498771498773,75.65847665847666,8.134643734643737,26.970515970515965,8.918530864059932,2.279236855036856,1653,65,319,38,37,545,191,407,0.168,0.613,0.21899999999999997,0.9784,1,0,1,0,0,0,59.0,2,4,2,3,31,37,4,2,13,0,34,12,6,4,5,65,71,22,1,7,12,0,10,6,1,0,3,0,0,1,18,15,0,0,17,0,0,4,15,15,2,1,6,10,47,21,57,64,10,43,0,7,0,3,18,16,3,3,28,218,65,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19332289601945812,0.0,0.0,0.05266568178621782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276271550963154,0.059550906393353475,0.0,0.047210135128203,0.17106521988891674,0.06590052406479127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645493205026841,0.0,0.0,0.2368829332828322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369120925121216,0.0,0.0,0.17138422550416715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859383805459354,0.08002203476002043,0.0,0.1534563178123604,0.0700540030716082,0.0,0.0,0.06960313543157658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132706861658345,0.16598151327192484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587521039097409,0.0,0.0,0.05983429897003016,0.07159723381486133,0.0,0.0,0.08802826862130426,0.19487315153336415,0.0,0.0,0.0853150889557724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875213905741415,0.0,0.2384446677508899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768528343070969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024836392263856,0.06312852217854811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940427276079012,0.2270161272525229,0.0,0.06838590712436979,0.0,0.0,0.0866418462994043,0.0,0.0,0.13979540330364762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819800556171416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056931446531463516,0.05742495078614741,0.11946168315291884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588027076781208,0.0,0.0,0.081266157320743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386606654600907,0.0,0.10738209228935452,0.06762253389733243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417150229841737,0.0,0.0,0.07410500536001625,0.0,0.07785424532093464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984546059382564,0.0,0.07646821312049709,0.16629523942302454,0.0,0.06613814192868901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567582174119118,0.0,0.07050358976821576,0.08079267876827388,0.0,0.15899364548576403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962142697881869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096298413145626,0.0,0.08471294552557819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449572208553895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899203415602469,0.102902866057283,0.04962403038392947,0.0,0.06148317673021801,0.09031833529968833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529541622292328,0.0,0.18271774837430704,0.0,0.124244420360566,0.0,0.1392658382511265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05638133851048484,0.0,0.0789237098322002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PeelMeDaddy,2020/02/03,Fuck. Please advice!! My girlfriend thinks I was to fuck my FP but I don’t like him like that... I’m hurt. How to I reassure her. She’s the first person I’ve felt this way about I don’t want to ruin this,-2.684347826086956,-1.1338764999999975,-0.008369565217391184,105.36396739130436,107.47826086956522,3.1695652173913045,10.097826086956523,5.148860815047168,-1.8436000000000003,155,2,41,1,8,52,33,46,0.268,0.504,0.228,-0.6351,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,2,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,5,9,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,1,9,3,4,7,0,2,0,2,0,2,6,0,2,0,3,23,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884632784112943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28343559631397297,0.0,0.0,0.25109457973247085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5458100923868403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31601469821469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884368729230683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25775480076071106,0.0,0.3240378694967597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18915044035428827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741149514567477,0.2343137897957217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fairyloss,2020/02/03,"Lost a therapist So back January 15 my therapist basically was going into hospital for something chronic that was only getting worst haven't heard from him since I started going and seeing him in November of 2018, this is the only therapist I've ever had, since it's been about a month since I last had contact I'm assuming I should start looking for a new therapist but I'm just unsure still as I've only done this process once and it's just getting bad I really do need a therapist I'm in such a rough patch rn I'm not sure, should I give it another week and then start looking or just start now ? My BPD is also not helping by making me be all suspicious and telling me that he's actually fine but realized I'm beyond help and just dumpped me as a client...",4.1211964809384165,5.201577799999999,5.740293255131968,79.00498533724341,71.0,9.507331378299119,30.865102639296193,9.800150414767053,3.0186774193548387,609,26,119,15,11,208,95,155,0.131,0.831,0.039,-0.914,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,13,6,1,0,7,0,13,1,0,1,3,24,34,13,0,3,9,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,7,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,8,5,12,2,12,23,2,19,0,1,3,0,9,4,0,2,13,75,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.11009728550246448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022312938744682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183029393572364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675259309788777,0.09420104845540496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209444090336787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545533059606428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205329845370256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788891478966612,0.1082284432048616,0.1282378561691868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124343910925586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196439364418828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18948290518648087,0.0,0.12315774433522715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530907423861613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005286186494843,0.0,0.0,0.08365554264297302,0.0,0.10896348623949499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015097116741225,0.0,0.25741698077955344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227619494001841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990394569870706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27998076286411394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685532610442638,0.0,0.0,0.3194219042507049,0.0,0.0900992124880972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633271241433287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861076335765684,0.0,0.0,0.6549709546880921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049841805116593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BigBossTweed,2020/02/03,"I need advice on how I can help my BPD wife. I feel lost as to how I'm supposed to be a good husband for my wife and I need direction on how I can be better for her. I myself come from my own abusive and mental health issues, but I feel like I've had a good handle on things the last several months and I feel good. On the flip side, it always feels like I can never get through to her. There's always some kind of conflict between us. If it's not one thing it's another. Most of my concerns are dismissed and belittled while hers are the ones that matter. For a long time I didn't deal well with her struggles but I want to do better for her. She often tells me how she wants to be doted on and loved but when I do those things she'll ignore me. She suggests to do certain things when she gets mad at me, and do them, but then they don't work. So, I'm lost as to how to best support her. Right now I feel every right move I make is the wrong one. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.",1.7951284175642108,3.0107544835680784,3.3124330295498474,93.63032311516157,76.93427230046946,5.950731842032588,20.980115990058,6.2272716619740125,0.006819055509527772,767,18,180,5,17,253,118,213,0.131,0.6679999999999999,0.201,0.9507,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,2,6,12,20,1,1,7,0,19,2,0,6,2,38,38,23,0,6,6,3,5,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,8,0,2,5,0,0,2,4,6,1,3,4,5,36,14,26,28,4,21,0,2,0,1,22,9,0,4,12,130,45,1,0.0,0.13461813182311375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220513678650249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18907768576627396,0.0,0.0,0.07726378072495971,0.11913783151903222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923453286475133,0.2009708514253308,0.0,0.0,0.14309723538666258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787139638040213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171346302479164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572762497085716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28724205192252,0.16233669707845086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872088508098153,0.0,0.0,0.2858908484347372,0.0,0.12526366991191762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077006545787004,0.0,0.0,0.07615540013146492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858712763315213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831511875857903,0.0,0.09261340838410094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101552081086312,0.0,0.0,0.100547892144211,0.0,0.0,0.24805379603574204,0.0,0.1025442092542786,0.0,0.07584054840261857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449969407908504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068838646752232,0.1207573976447508,0.0,0.1684918396648798,0.08762880284763701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309704293401131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940574097674269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835540950565366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877765635245692,0.0,0.0,0.12893176689820818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930668311961137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019296137205021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625126474546733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366678359322577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402906376733975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021557570714731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271487670731757,0.0,0.0,0.0807105960831977,0.1242228755401974,0.0,0.0 bpd,kimchifortheseoul,2020/02/03,"Feeling incredibly anxious going into work because I have a boss that hates me Does anyone else feel this intense anxiety about their boss for one reason or another? He’s blown up on me in front of people, cut my hours to try to starve me into quitting, and he’s always quiet and angry around me (and kind of in general.) There was a period of time where he wasn’t my manager but he is again now and it’s difficult to work with him despite the time inbetween having to deal with him.",3.2782731958762876,5.035943876288659,4.9531829896907205,81.14668170103094,74.15463917525773,8.148969072164949,25.527061855670105,8.841846274778883,2.0254958762886597,384,13,73,8,8,130,71,97,0.142,0.833,0.025,-0.8559,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,3,6,4,2,0,3,0,5,0,0,3,0,17,9,6,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,9,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,2,3,10,1,18,7,0,16,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,1,6,50,13,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845579964384672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23257995142119786,0.1696788094134108,0.2505744357341597,0.0,0.15508992584376186,0.2272635477199073,0.0,0.19745183637125788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520914692856872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22866931742372934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19410143900914506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18528807805412373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22430068310112744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605584662661914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189846993082455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184314326169849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230973857945934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502995607432923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377038271994786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359149617206505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280505885551604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25867041123091405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058978531307454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32295068260202564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,steakoutwhoa,2020/02/03,"DAE feel like they'd rather stay in a bad relationship rather than be alone because being alone makes you feel empty and unstable? This is how I lowkey feel even though logically I know it's stupid. At least he's ""there"". He doesn't care. He doesn't love me. He doesn't talk to me. He's manipulative. My psycharist thinks he's predatory (I'm 20/he's 36). She said I should block him and when did I felt helpless, is the best way I can put it. Like I was child needing to be taken care of. Like I needed to know someone was there to protect me, romantically speaking. He never did this though. I guess it was just knowing that there was someone there, the idea of it. He uses me but at least he's there. (kind of). It's like I can't cut this tie. It's like there's this one fiber that won't wither away. We're not together. I'm done with him. We don't talk. I check on him sometimes to see how he's doing and the first thing he does is ask me for money. And I give it to him like a jackass, again. I am done. I've been done. But I can't bare the thought of starting over. Only been together for a bit over a year but the thought of ""having"" to meet someone new and get to know them and establish a relationship like that exhaustes and terrifies me. Like I said, at least someone's ""there"". I can't be alone. I can't. I can't.",-0.11622015205054124,2.003815551236752,1.8478316736267288,97.08890994753185,87.83392226148409,4.9850733483242315,18.469750508619768,6.42735559955562,-0.2482358068315671,1023,28,246,11,33,338,131,283,0.11699999999999999,0.772,0.111,0.1429,0,3,0,0,0,0,46.0,1,1,2,2,17,18,2,0,10,0,34,2,0,5,1,40,63,15,0,5,7,0,4,8,0,2,1,3,0,1,15,9,0,2,13,0,2,1,12,5,0,2,17,8,33,13,25,39,5,18,0,1,1,1,32,8,0,1,15,151,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099367014125169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325397336616566,0.0,0.09371960313055057,0.0,0.0832881450404392,0.060807449213040723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468280521369117,0.0,0.10890255306155526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034061386171425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729300985059951,0.30624055075976564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588477401060502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513117200938455,0.07126232824920667,0.09577686367232957,0.0,0.0,0.08484838053036096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052115922246395774,0.09569050900123234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988727155082917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126070436912043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038755990673281,0.2192827602529925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898674607606281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002941702580404,0.0,0.06658474826866086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792860766051932,0.07693433000667177,0.09634039954792294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759404311210103,0.0758653368958664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027757928496624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21419106931437654,0.0,0.0,0.1897726039047665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948884849839538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33807571434981204,0.0,0.09865655808926103,0.0,0.07060446334342138,0.10632158302787867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035258694768734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627031234566966,0.06391658696004328,0.1960102354532308,0.15838273439915254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861530710876764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917791623093101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423654833456283 bpd,jessiehinter0313,2020/02/03,"My obsession is destroying my marriage I found a dating app on his phone about a month ago. He let me see messages and thinks and he was confused. I have BPD, schizo effect and severe anxiety. I have become obsessed with look at his google history and think I am finding things and flip out on him everyday and am accusing him of things he isn't doing anymore. I have not been on my Lithium, Depekote and riseridal and klonipine in 8 years due to lack of insurance. If I keep doing this to him, I am going going to loss him and my mind. I don't know what to do",3.0822807017543847,4.557519859649126,4.565789473684212,84.88885964912285,74.08771929824562,7.873684210526315,27.578947368421048,8.515128840125781,1.9819894736842096,440,17,89,8,9,147,73,114,0.183,0.8170000000000001,0.0,-0.9485,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,1,5,1,3,2,0,15,0,0,1,0,23,24,10,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,11,0,1,6,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,3,2,19,0,14,20,1,14,0,1,2,0,12,6,0,2,6,66,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048603691925024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17679446009260522,0.0,0.22919375902510006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552369800670913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29106827476086905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21122550558506695,0.0,0.0,0.25339437093403033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626842494111463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054164726727805,0.0,0.0,0.12700909716538106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363202097682228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940697396698758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23334986269917596,0.0,0.18446556370304945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18416052170903247,0.0,0.0,0.2610825254595913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30707138236240605,0.2961651155547922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882384733903126 bpd,margaretscatwood,2020/02/03,"Partner using BPD to gaslight me. I think? I feel insane Since he decided to start researching BPD, which I was happy about, it feels like he's using it as a weapon against me. He says he's trying to help. Maybe he is trying. But now I'm just questioning shit even more often than I was and I feel completely insane and like there's no point in trying to explain myself to him because he'll say something like ""well yeah, that's how people with BPD think"". There was a terrible fight on Saturday I just can't let go of. Oh that's my fault too. I've been overusing my benzos trying to sleep off the suicidal ideation that's risen from the stress. I think he's emotionally abusive. Or maybe I'm just insane. I think he's gaslighting me. Or maybe I'm just insane. I think he minimizes my emotions. Nah I'm prob just oversensitive and insane. The suicidal ideation is so strong right now. This year has been a lot of stress and pain and loss.",1.3814862914862935,3.870143793650797,2.5572799422799437,92.02951298701299,84.60846560846561,5.764405964405966,20.76022126022126,7.1686216300943375,0.6015058201058201,743,23,154,11,22,237,104,189,0.267,0.628,0.105,-0.9857,0,0,1,0,1,1,22.0,0,0,0,2,16,15,3,2,6,1,10,3,2,3,0,30,28,11,2,0,8,0,3,3,1,1,1,2,0,1,7,6,0,0,11,0,0,1,2,9,1,0,5,5,17,6,17,21,2,11,0,1,0,0,17,5,1,5,8,83,24,1,0.0,0.12997449110184872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687103648006938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144833261815369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501653054377105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467915379355447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245466112068773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664001974298835,0.0783684534326001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234404483557605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167758295094611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352842624313778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217389536197793,0.0,0.16077907514819442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932615313430098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33061991694622106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672667485441272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605095591537367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370030612574904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288714831134695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368170816768673,0.0,0.1744729065462907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260367968133835,0.09074352797492287,0.0,0.1097774751649651,0.0,0.0,0.08445107406847059,0.0,0.0,0.07764498766182587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25131795498271914,0.0,0.0,0.2399841667553683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514510535799572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979116503860933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894881378559286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863190313720464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064207794648071 bpd,vitalogy95,2020/02/03,"Does an extreme fear of abandonment always correlate with BPD? In other words is it possible to have fears of abandonment for other reasons but not have BPD? I feel like I’m not as bad as I was as a teenager but when my boyfriend and I started dating in high school I was very jealous and insecure. I was always worried about him talking to other girls or always thought if an argument got bad he would leave me. I would be overwhelmed with emotions and not know how to handle it. I still get those worries but they don’t impact our relationship often anymore and if they come up I can handle them better. However I was reading into BPD and I feel like a lot of my past actions align with the fear of abandonment trait. I have also self harmed in the past during moments of intense emotions, but haven’t done this in 4-5 years. I also have a very low self esteem and feel like I’m not good enough. Is it possible that these are due to my depression/anxiety and childhood upbringing or are these things almost always indicative of BPD?",4.5630363036303665,6.0454718712871305,5.259029702970299,81.34356105610563,70.38613861386139,8.158943894389441,29.803300330033,8.648137234880735,2.3759831023102307,826,33,152,14,15,267,115,202,0.20800000000000002,0.688,0.10400000000000001,-0.9747,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,3,1,7,18,1,5,7,0,19,0,0,2,0,40,30,22,0,4,12,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,3,12,12,0,3,6,1,0,2,6,13,0,0,7,3,21,5,24,20,2,20,0,5,0,0,11,8,0,7,13,110,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608275389134917,0.0,0.0,0.15346665537571427,0.3193612827836894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734035415441115,0.0,0.09515928046296114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160232968391673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486235254733085,0.0,0.0,0.4833961921067224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265474206859423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396884143243824,0.09819291102055602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21586771194377324,0.0,0.09914477358135404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239203418539144,0.14554968207849386,0.205645852437848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050131317716075215,0.0,0.0,0.08048055990162109,0.07674212779921627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137928008200217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052733086406529836,0.0,0.0,0.1016000391530033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063290569444584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157554165672408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18319539059247905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163444708147215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597865135953726,0.0,0.0,0.09865534128296838,0.0,0.10301727461502896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710924009198926,0.0,0.0,0.20019915433376415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679158044504686,0.0,0.07662793834802363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712313374081209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637467004351835,0.0,0.0,0.07617571403002256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158342028536595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19488921894998204,0.0,0.1363240690983955,0.0,0.0,0.061790383336576125 bpd,Throwaway_3022020,2020/02/03,"Long time lurker, first time poster, badly need advice on how to end a friendship with a BPD person without too much of a negative impact Hi all, *warning longish post* Throwaway account for obvious reasons. Just to start, I’m no stranger to mental illness. I have pretty crippling anxiety myself, to the point it affects my daily life. I’m also no stranger to the fear of abandonment, I understand it well and how much it hurts to lose anyone, which makes this all the harder for me. So, background. Some years ago I met BP friend, let’s call them A. At the time A was so sweet and kind seeming, I felt an instant connection with them. We became friends and for awhile all seemed well. I didn’t notice a few red flags such as A’s obsession with people from their past who they’d described as having wronged them terribly. I didn’t know them well at this point and so had no reason to disbelieve it. I thought how awful those people were and poor innocent A having been targeted like that. Later on it came up in passing that A was diagnosed with BPD, a condition they don’t accept and refuse treatment for. Again their was no issues between us, so I assumed all fine. As time went on, I watched them grow more and more toxic. I watched them create problems with different people, always the same pattern, and this time as an observer I could see that it was the other parties, and not A, who had been the victim of their outburst at whatever the imagined slight was. I watched as they twisted the events in their head to suit their view of being the eternal victims, and that the other people were always the oppressors. And that it was always someone else’s fault, never A’s. The same pattern, all the time, with different people. Some of the mental gymnastics they had to do, to make themselves the victim, were quite impressive. I’ve reached a point where I’ve tried to be their friend. I have. But I don’t have that kind of energy, and they seem to want enablers and not friends. And I just don’t feel like their views and thoughts and approaches to situations are ones that sit right with me. It would be very different if they accepted their condition and got help but they don’t. They just want validation and lots of it. I’ve gotten to a point I get a panic attack every time I see their name pop up in a message. So I’m hoping for advice on how to end this friendship in a way that: 1) Wont hurt them too much and 2) Won’t trigger the splitting response. They tend to rant all over the internet about whoever they feel has rejected them now. I absolutely don’t wish this person any ill. I know that under all of this is someone who isn’t a bad person, just ill. If they acknowledged they needed help and got it, I’d be interested in reconnecting once they were in a better place mentally. But that seems unlikely and at this point, I feel I can no longer be their friend. I don’t have the energy, we don’t have enough in common, and I don’t enjoy interacting with them. All and any advice is welcomed, and I really hope I don’t sound as mean as I’m feeling :(",4.356004070556306,5.6766727893864015,4.940179029096941,84.05324457259161,70.69154228855722,8.068882858435098,27.800731192522235,8.507472789574589,1.9202971807628528,2424,85,475,39,44,776,268,603,0.124,0.73,0.147,0.9146,3,1,0,0,0,0,70.0,3,0,32,5,24,41,4,3,40,1,51,6,1,10,10,105,90,46,0,12,12,0,5,2,5,3,5,1,0,3,34,35,0,2,22,0,2,5,24,18,3,2,26,15,64,23,67,53,20,57,0,5,8,0,56,27,0,12,24,338,98,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19212964899695328,0.05809570150063911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052410912345356366,0.16359921467140995,0.0,0.0,0.08913651055064266,0.0,0.05013657947113837,0.0,0.0,0.04582586605316056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455921722560638,0.0,0.0,0.10944339720771926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05796325344929261,0.0,0.0,0.1650862553208005,0.0,0.06692187767176618,0.07495829483357719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05232695723174192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665199410059918,0.0,0.2054205566298861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05474879557753922,0.0,0.11609486789293574,0.06771852849664498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055218799631211166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374874844840915,0.13255242729021038,0.04682053666063776,0.06292699476684772,0.0,0.0,0.055746799309237205,0.0,0.0,0.25317343479393223,0.0,0.034241028999322444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483384611292837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726114907552479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785781078292264,0.0,0.0,0.13018853391511984,0.0,0.0,0.14032009754183733,0.0,0.0,0.06840490236344426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364959976404276,0.0720362130154327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701729777886954,0.04629160196203685,0.06403735391404347,0.0,0.0,0.057999286113513036,0.0,0.07332053421565166,0.0,0.05571827382083041,0.0,0.0,0.08749457739999897,0.0,0.0,0.07139036403922694,0.0,0.0,0.19814141426091286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453445713513424,0.09719155924720367,0.05054713629257659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461572844853881,0.0,0.0697960939818703,0.04441041222374161,0.0,0.0,0.07689501170035018,0.0,0.0,0.06256367244669321,0.2271798417315125,0.1716764077222526,0.06847351887662871,0.0,0.30977413563837525,0.0,0.06276752405880791,0.06667595849405318,0.0,0.06271125112309013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970799281081659,0.0,0.0,0.041985479149033424,0.13476846632838288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055969304733934425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445099498338194,0.23865423403204986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366773542921813,0.0,0.0,0.11106068779027642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04638830845962595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406009464657268,0.2675111515704692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04449616758269108,0.0,0.0,0.06822762632434251,0.07883444147571864,0.0,0.0,0.05407591739000437,0.0773123120852592,0.05202120981283659,0.0,0.0,0.17678026429533744,0.06075461145009819,0.0,0.0,0.07536574949188311,0.06317653124697642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04655649019382335,0.07165578458835993,0.0,0.04220448222984786 bpd,misshawk763,2020/02/04,"Commented my opposing opinion on a ‘friends’ social media post and didn’t let their reaction ruin my mood or morning 🥳 So I had a shared post pop up in my FB newsfeed this morning that slightly triggered me (people being rude/cruel/judgemental about a really dirty and messy bedroom without showing any concern for the human being living in the room) so I commented that it was concerning to see the post and comments were filled with stuff along the lines of “how disgusting 🤢🤮” and “burn it all 🤢🤮” 10 minutes later, the OP comments a rant about how my comment and people like me look for drama and are horrible people. So I took a breath, sipped some of my morning tea and started typing a reply to OP’s rant about me. 5 minutes later with a respectful yet well written response, I discover she blocked me! 😂 So what do I do after being invalidated and denied the chance to defend myself? Take another breath, have another sip of tea and say to myself “thank you [OP] for removing yourself, you made me realise that I don’t really want that kind of childish attitude in my life.” Plus now I am not as afraid to share my own opinions! 😁 ***TL;DR: Decided to comment my differing opinion on a toxic FB post with an equally toxic comment section for once about mental health awareness. The OP replied with offensive rant about how I am horrible drama starting person and I should just keep scrolling if I don’t like what she says then blocked me before I could respond. I didn’t let it ruin my day and felt grateful that I now know people without maturity, respect or compassion have no place in my life these days. ***",5.53852813852814,6.693987571428572,6.2975324675324655,76.03534632034635,67.76623376623378,8.853679653679654,34.14718614718615,9.107695989026183,3.2131432900432886,1284,60,220,23,21,422,173,308,0.152,0.764,0.084,-0.972,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,2,1,0,17,16,2,1,16,0,21,7,2,5,1,44,34,24,0,4,7,0,1,2,1,1,3,2,2,2,13,17,2,4,3,3,0,3,8,5,1,0,9,5,36,10,36,18,5,28,0,2,2,0,21,10,0,7,13,156,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347555443873654,0.2574323039169445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445289223524946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800746607710276,0.0,0.0,0.15832974168698094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824969066632735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786114903705334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483787376476084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047961255721302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910759822974604,0.0,0.12782729558646627,0.06746127691092142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510444285744685,0.17340670464962327,0.11994083209544787,0.0,0.1083922455646742,0.0,0.10308074571109126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615088967746827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370512233074946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072685046347216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404030627394704,0.107182292494489,0.12824969066632735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4702498528774143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727612080351105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523459974488253,0.0,0.0,0.09781743377716992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513018313092086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737689637712429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052164674755782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229421084360867,0.0,0.0,0.11301352916721286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638196427732546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240229706536468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036877021338053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366570529081362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fissiparous-scorpio,2020/02/04,"I’m scared I’m losing fp I’ve been so so terrible to them lately. FP is also SO. They love me so much they r trying to forgive me. But I’m causing fights right after we try to make up after hours of screaming. im destroying them slowly. Causing so so much pain. I’m the perfect example of why bpd has a bad rep. I’m actually an evil piece of shit I say terrible things and feel nothing of it. Like the worst things u can say to someone. I promise I’m not this person all the time just when I split and get into these “moods”. I use “ cause it’s more like episodes of delusions and anger. Only when they say ok I’m leaving I cry and beg. I feel powerless to my mental illnesses. Bpd, an anxiety disorder, bipolar, adhd.",-0.28102649006622826,1.9696026688741741,2.436619205298016,91.04062417218545,91.8476821192053,5.404105960264901,21.457284768211924,6.961326702584282,0.7674262251655635,557,21,119,9,20,193,95,151,0.332,0.5710000000000001,0.09699999999999999,-0.9923,1,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,1,0,5,2,10,21,5,1,6,1,4,5,1,5,2,19,17,14,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,3,4,0,1,6,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,13,0,0,1,6,15,7,14,16,6,10,0,1,0,1,13,3,1,0,9,67,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.1337304072342072,0.0,0.16469438441538564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959013003692764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104834547195888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144219361479952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451919338610581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223307580338445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053103198057471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705869727356336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858218730981128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159728103772323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349559229635947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802575926078268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458608971132098,0.14510463494855774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390077807494166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331171543290625,0.0,0.0,0.12368315084176905,0.0,0.09147467278960147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381031950717295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20147903357584526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149272594672656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422442149396192,0.14581927938104056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965726858929095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703065467456515,0.0,0.32693701164486605,0.13720005988338213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066868132126484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611279667034252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18208539628400214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990860947255016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860811259838367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835779502786987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365648540686497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cwissyyyy,2020/02/04,"I hurt my fp I said some stuff I can’t take back and now they are gone, I feel so horrible I can’t cope atm and need someone to talk to :(",-2.4613636363636355,-0.8567014545454548,0.5002272727272725,106.17034090909092,93.84848484848484,4.512121212121213,14.31060606060606,5.985473137389443,-1.1949939393939393,104,2,31,1,4,36,25,33,0.31,0.69,0.0,-0.8955,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,8,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,2,7,0,2,6,1,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973482372363601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955270119944649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4139700789493369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867329638420321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36784001441092623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276494422261957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4426786952123282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907500856810893,0.3108146101176258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,spokensilences,2020/02/04,"The crash after the high Had a couple days last week where I was feeling confident, energetic, happy and grateful for life. Those days are rare for me but they come a few times every couple of months...now I’m in this very depressive state I can’t seem to get out of..i feel so lonely. I keep thinking of things I’ve done in the past that I regret and I feel like a horrible person that doesn’t deserve good things because of how selfish I can be. This always happens and the cycle is starting to wear me out to the point of exhaustion. I can’t focus on my schoolwork and I feel like I have absolutely no one to talk to. Why can’t I be a normal functioning human being? I’m so fucking angry at myself.",2.5421494252873598,4.1345780137931065,4.340431034482759,85.4655890804598,75.75862068965517,6.764367816091952,23.80747126436781,7.492282038375204,1.0742988505747126,552,17,112,7,12,187,94,145,0.21600000000000005,0.659,0.125,-0.9609,0,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,4,10,1,0,9,0,14,4,1,1,0,18,28,8,0,2,1,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,7,7,0,1,6,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,3,4,15,4,18,22,1,19,0,3,0,1,4,9,1,1,10,75,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398791758696243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024769687977667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481000453774245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720162181643063,0.0,0.2168312777035139,0.0,0.1447910219262155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203266908340736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163809160888746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400014662560568,0.24019252519094386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541297383978128,0.08782939930927701,0.0,0.0,0.14100086640984197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865719300961105,0.17895390391535254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17761514513619106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942195748723827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703031308791006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873952717572528,0.16425798207575218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470997421894376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391421177108264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047793919055886,0.0,0.14678526713394366,0.0,0.0,0.15891623032244367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303904869553805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898758261800545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511870060284684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22336673609420246,0.10771670531049662,0.0,0.0,0.09802502368652606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870655994468367,0.0,0.0,0.13484595578905906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169116308004835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LadyMegbeth,2020/02/04,"Medication? I was diagnosed last year and did a round of DBT, but I'm still struggling. Has anyone had success with mood stabilizers or other medications?",4.8755555555555565,8.133252851851854,6.27555555555556,66.10000000000002,76.03703703703705,9.525925925925927,31.222222222222207,9.725611199111238,4.077577777777779,125,6,19,4,3,42,26,27,0.11900000000000001,0.7070000000000001,0.174,0.4039,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,4,5,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,1,2,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,13,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24142356850734004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35044578352178635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28144434611118657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6956543445050866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27573621636603785,0.0,0.0,0.3609552915501522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223450986199476 bpd,Ifindlifedepressing,2020/02/04,What should I do? Everyone’s made friends. I’m the loner friend. Don’t really have anyone. Sick of faking it all it’ll get me nowhere. I really want to die. Want friends but don’t trust anyone. I can’t do anything please help me. I just want someone to care,-0.81111111111111,1.2629808518518502,1.1722222222222245,97.345,101.5925925925926,4.622222222222223,17.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,-0.08068888888888859,202,6,45,3,9,66,37,54,0.177,0.47,0.354,0.9233,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,1,1,8,15,1,1,4,2,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,6,5,3,12,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31792903909976505,0.0,0.187085104389788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23179280986798104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23594763726545046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172373565283373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5269372547563922,0.0,0.11877808741151948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523841869525186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21511880754859186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495559265620174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912853414818288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926282075605549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022809257439942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,searchingforgrey,2020/02/04,"need a new brain hey guys, having a rough time w creating scenarios in my head w my SO cheating or leaving me for his friend that he talks to. they haven’t met irl, but i’m having such a hard time using my wise mind lately and feel like i’m spiraling with other things going on. i tried to talk to him about how i was feeling and he’s just overwhelmed w how i think he’s going to cheat. even though rationally i don’t it’s just the feeling attached to it. idk what to do, i can’t lose him, i can’t stand these thoughts either though..",0.9580553359683784,2.7922176434782635,2.6472727272727283,94.70363636363636,81.26086956521739,5.5731225296442695,20.019762845849804,6.574015621080383,0.02847826086956573,419,11,97,4,11,138,77,115,0.122,0.736,0.14300000000000002,0.0867,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,10,7,2,1,4,0,8,2,2,3,0,18,20,9,0,1,5,0,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,3,5,14,3,11,17,1,9,0,2,0,0,13,2,0,1,5,58,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185136355557836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928623468500935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296920234582523,0.13983865365834167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512303565431161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224902218064097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193816088741996,0.0,0.0,0.17534704861573636,0.0,0.20088852458929246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208063383964729,0.20726330025670794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563001616244818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189860587148477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19764436895938192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514076259521005,0.0,0.18904955951727875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146612020727291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300427797352999,0.12542404502519566,0.3846324994207509,0.15539787209626268,0.2282783334119789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328964726060171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905888097427113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lilacshrieksx,2020/02/04,"Magnesium Supplements I’m not sure if this fits here but as another positive story for this board, I was doing research for my BPD symptoms and stumbled upon certain people saying that magnesium supplements had completely changed their levels of depression and general BPD feelings that can be really overpowering for getting by day-to-day and seeming like a functioning person. I have officially been taking my magnesium supplements for over a year and after about 2 months of taking them I really, truly saw such a significant difference that I would almost compare it to an anti-depressant in how it has changed my life. I’m so grateful to the reddit forum for helping me discover this and for always been such a vast community of in-depth knowledge on specific issues like this. I truly don’t think I would have ever discovered this solution for myself it wasn’t for you guys on here. Thank you 🙏🏻",7.936280487804879,8.818570310975614,8.577951219512197,62.77314634146346,62.35365853658537,12.413658536585364,37.74146341463414,11.979248473330829,5.293421463414632,737,35,109,24,10,247,107,164,0.037000000000000005,0.7390000000000001,0.22399999999999998,0.9873,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,2,0,8,6,0,0,6,0,14,2,0,1,3,20,24,10,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,2,2,1,0,2,11,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,3,15,5,22,15,0,12,0,1,1,0,8,8,0,3,6,83,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610454400192779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382130566631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686415835217882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4051130369842554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402681927037409,0.0,0.168624500849903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074407753061379,0.0,0.2770408601918727,0.0,0.0,0.1680304343399488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547761829386302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131918110751088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402569444940156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592444412970379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779923646548817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678620530050557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359717028692083,0.15714431752141791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837092052053747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149749014127586,0.1404283087766465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20606034020520886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278964277530686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641125233290886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515779497884735,0.16716127985475773,0.24184442480197185,0.0,0.0,0.14806829001766236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305172343994397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284943843095469,0.0,0.0,0.1035675922096432 bpd,nerdymj,2020/02/04,"Need Advice We're all familiar with the famed black-and-white thinking associated with our beloved disorder. As a teenager, I was catfished and the character the catfish created was the first person to show me any form of basic human kindness and decency because my family was abusive and I was bullied in school. Because of my bpd, I've built this character up in my head as the ultimate good and have never been able to fully accept that they were catfishing me. Some part of me always wants to believe that they were too good to do that to me. Now, whenever I start dating someone new I ALWAYS compare them to my catfish, often without even meaning to, and no one ever measures up to the catfish. I've even been accused of using people as a distraction in order to get over this person. What should I do?",6.852503607503607,7.096717915584418,7.4807359307359365,71.9061832611833,64.64935064935065,9.961327561327565,36.59163059163059,9.725611199111238,3.7271466089466077,645,30,108,12,9,214,95,154,0.109,0.7879999999999999,0.10300000000000001,-0.2516,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,3,1,6,5,0,1,8,0,12,1,1,1,3,20,19,8,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,7,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,0,2,8,0,17,4,25,10,4,14,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,2,7,87,23,1,0.16963989203789667,0.20099553234448006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657701391611034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28230795948788634,0.0,0.0,0.1153609437855386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20682180729150024,0.0,0.0,0.19112606666818627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136555054957852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19442201318643415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22409109755820986,0.1534489944153843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992139264956756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442956055068559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862984196146223,0.0,0.0,0.2845717858624489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740994703409198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665384266755832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847875740677403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578583044683336,0.13083674270724174,0.1638392648232767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495238115979213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18370347179024327,0.0,0.11760694148468714,0.29624602082365153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716846273839483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437353300214528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007198871615582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869839305926254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651439993510718,0.0,0.0,0.10005800354199866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16352680231086802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,oatmilkk,2020/02/04,"dbt is so expensive it makes me wanna rip my hair out i love my therapist and my dbt group. going to therapy twice a week has changed my life for the better and i’m so thankful....HOWEVER it’s so fucking expensive. i currently owe my therapist $600 and i can not afford to go anymore. i’m having such a hard time trying to explain this to him. i don’t wanna break up with my therapist!!!! he’s the best one i’ve ever had. a lot of my symptoms have decreased in intensity and frequency since seeing him last fall...FUCK MY LIFE.",0.5220324629498947,2.8412521559633066,3.3772477064220183,85.78333098094565,87.07339449541284,7.023570924488357,23.980945659844746,8.139509932561175,1.8049810868031049,411,17,84,10,13,145,75,109,0.013999999999999999,0.865,0.121,0.9196,4,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,1,0,5,0,7,6,1,1,1,13,17,7,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,1,0,2,1,3,15,3,12,16,2,11,0,0,1,2,6,3,1,1,5,56,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341697772563636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18350779149222413,0.15465199641955793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18498172806064933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817347494231693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233158070118604,0.0,0.0,0.1987571948851341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566427829110419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253657582918267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470216295623031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486621569816001,0.15782056522093466,0.0,0.11672232203660494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849160465475905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934306600233104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464837116234336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18174947335900635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19997092868971034,0.6090878009374738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196394437841133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872040888288632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026444492070286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,honeytarot,2020/02/04,"I'm so angry, my identity crisis will never end I've changed styles, interests, phases ever since I was 10. I want my life to be ONE thing. I'm gothic but then I really want the entire pink rainbow razor pc setup. I want these cute stuffed animals but it doesn't match my posters. I switch music interests like crazy but I don't want to. I can't pick a single aesthetic, a single flow of interests. I don't know what I am! I don't know what makes me happiest. I love it all but I don't want to BE it all. I want consistency not overwhelmingness. I've made all types of friends over the years and I see them and morph myself and my things into them and then when they go I'm left with being a shell of something I lost interest in and doesn't feel it's me. I'm a walking cluster of tens of old friends personalities. Does anyone know how to overcome this? What should I do? Is this a common problem?",0.5302804642166343,2.817571776595745,2.7437911025145065,90.61136363636363,86.55319148936171,5.971373307543519,20.24758220502901,7.348242739294969,0.6454489361702129,706,22,153,12,22,239,106,188,0.075,0.6829999999999999,0.242,0.9841,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,3,1,4,11,0,0,7,0,16,2,0,4,5,33,36,14,0,8,5,0,1,1,2,2,1,0,0,1,12,7,0,0,4,0,0,3,9,2,0,2,3,3,26,9,13,28,5,16,0,1,2,1,7,4,0,0,10,98,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688498684899745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768373941874374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628638206204905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805772673407014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120944880134593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452316374471645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583010526157931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500317893010496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756069618365581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816242237396277,0.0,0.11807290843723238,0.08166790848431041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824793016856296,0.0,0.15087207690971674,0.1581746610028851,0.11158329792276928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289272166500564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754105449493326,0.0,0.1132746829641768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596119606061553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995341483133899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070895675488312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320810086638038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827982524533172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869104854724056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22211272695859224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.591586107998576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076481641324984 bpd,crlndwn,2020/02/04,"Looking for links to any resources you guys have found helpful so far in your journey with BPD Hey guys. I've been struggling emotionally ever since I can remember and for some reason I always felt as if everything just felt so difficult for me compared to other people. I was diagnosed with BPD about 2 years ago after being referred and rereferred to NHS services and them giving me meds, refeferring me to various different people who usually always had similar answers - either they didn't deem me to be struggling enough or another referral as my issues were too complex. Most recently I was offered an appointment with psychology and I was taken off the list as I had to reschedule the appointment. This was due to the letters being sent out with short notice and being unable to get the time off work. In the past I've tried counselling and hypnotherapy privately but had to stop due to financial reasons. Sadly, at the moment I'm feeling a little disenfranchised by the health service. I had to go home from work today because I had a complete breakdown before my shift was due to start. I have decided rather than feeling guilty for being off sick and going back to work right away to avoid any potential consequences I need to take some time to really look at myself and try to work through some of the issues I have and develop coping techniques. I'm interested to know if there are any articles, studies, books, coping techniques etc you guys have found particularly helpful? Particularly interested in things you can access in the UK. I have got the DBT book that was discussed on this subreddit previously as a book club but have not yet had a chance to read (will start tomorrow). Any input would be greatly appreciated!",8.827848739495801,8.809758044444449,8.680915032679739,65.82764705882353,60.61904761904761,11.729225023342671,38.52941176470589,11.20814326018867,4.6011176470588255,1404,63,222,34,17,455,186,315,0.079,0.85,0.07,-0.4558,1,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,4,2,4,10,8,0,3,15,0,32,3,0,2,1,47,54,20,0,5,9,0,4,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,6,14,0,2,15,5,0,4,2,5,0,0,22,6,25,3,50,24,8,40,0,1,2,0,18,16,0,7,20,160,31,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755023079828751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16436269388757854,0.0,0.0,0.26865746930267825,0.10356491752600792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279404702173608,0.07594507117206725,0.0,0.06020692697222246,0.0,0.08404271728995369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24878501131107106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355442684234634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002455609852475,0.0,0.10318960312672687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109862269202556,0.0,0.1020518325118504,0.11015036242638247,0.0,0.08933963513534866,0.0,0.0,0.08876464514635993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987826381615754,0.0,0.1896619809374207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21658396639337074,0.0,0.0,0.05160123579243737,0.09474548861912203,0.1122621556998662,0.0,0.07899231083867768,0.10889002660217473,0.0,0.2933820428804059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498379657646204,0.0,0.0,0.13240173391128654,0.0,0.09907049912243228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206172396062314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05427929186177703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898962687320073,0.0,0.0,0.16587737848988549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970692494896447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323384711728206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244591386472984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428346367822404,0.13694402210527432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879287530188947,0.0,0.06327212331938409,0.20309609879228951,0.09751965569553656,0.0,0.11188279212447184,0.0843457505547418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170037806452045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981437548999134,0.0,0.0,0.08257292199911742,0.0,0.20650364417803926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425985153153243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561583995808244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518267005324752,0.0,0.09361875967255127,0.0,0.0,0.13411146232431764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877695820300723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876117275308569,0.0,0.0,0.07016063764343397,0.0,0.0,0.06360216099472964 bpd,Burgerchef328,2020/02/04,"26 with no schooling, no motivation and no idea what to do with my life (26F) I've really been struggling recently with work. Right now I work as an Event Coordinator at an event space and I absolutely hate it. Management doesn't seem to think we need structure, there is always drama,and no one will take responsibility, only to blame all on me. The tricky part is, is that I work for family so it is extremely awkward to address any of these issues (and I have tried numerous times) ""staff meetings"" turn into defensive arguments from ever party so I have given up on even saying anything anymore. I have only been here for about a year and a half. I know this is a toxic work environment and is is truly effecting me but I know I will not be hired anywhere else as I have no formal education in this field and don't even have the money to go back to school. People have suggested career tests, applying to other jobs, and going back to school for something I enjoy. Thing is, I have no fucking clue what I am interested in or like. Aka classic BPD lack of self identity. Can someone just tell me what to do? I'm tired of trying and failing at everything.",4.299780392156862,5.822841346666667,5.777098039215691,77.21717647058827,71.08888888888889,8.849673202614381,27.45751633986928,9.325443323948027,2.4173633986928103,913,32,171,20,17,309,142,225,0.146,0.779,0.076,-0.9087,1,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,0,7,12,9,3,2,7,0,26,3,0,2,2,29,39,14,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,1,1,11,13,0,1,7,0,1,2,9,6,0,2,3,1,18,3,30,33,3,21,0,1,0,1,6,10,1,2,10,125,29,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100519022082504,0.0,0.0,0.08994214210019348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116755714950587,0.0,0.0,0.10883968692557874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20340137650806892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657833409819528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104872497527664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471453230686415,0.11963781508668983,0.0,0.0,0.1188678259785508,0.0,0.12468407548128388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227333548812483,0.0,0.0,0.15033416024708682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058053933419864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493067804239609,0.0,0.13804631594204594,0.13124881914773634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537457810203994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341998729801286,0.06461613484616885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980699937517168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962360277019255,0.2011811841675355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322597598346096,0.0,0.09169325333060324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847299026726338,0.0,0.1305919653437672,0.0,0.0,0.11295033042085507,0.0,0.1051794039057023,0.0,0.4015661448113494,0.0,0.12040561660717095,0.13797726238366104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120644739318466,0.10182112289579316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826810888286625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944395197534568,0.0,0.11560210645707605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786845520210622,0.08474762769602483,0.0,0.0,0.07712256133654878,0.152014777223152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17959332726459612,0.14386219091765706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851508753418392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851718676114296 bpd,throwaway982370lkj,2020/02/04,"Feel like I'm faking every breakdown. Anyone else? I feel like every time I have a breakdown, every time I self harm or even just cry I'm faking it just to make myself look like a victim/for attention. Even if I'm alone. I feel like those feelings and myself are invalid and can't possibly be true/real. I've started to want to have something negative (accident, attack, etc) happen to me just so I feel I would be justified to breakdown. I know it's bad but it feels like past trauma isn't a reason enough, because I'm an adult and everyone seems to be able to carry a normal life without so many bumps. I feel like if something immediate happened to me now I would be justified getting anxiety attacks, wanting to sh, breaking down, etc.",3.057644889357221,5.124389116438358,4.631095890410961,81.86316649104322,75.64383561643838,6.9580611169652276,27.669125395152804,7.882392219407189,1.95353804004215,585,24,106,9,13,196,84,146,0.174,0.6920000000000001,0.135,-0.7003,0,1,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,8,13,2,0,5,0,11,1,0,2,0,28,32,9,0,7,8,0,7,6,0,2,1,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,11,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,0,8,13,6,11,26,3,7,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,4,11,63,17,0,0.10931791525185104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322039164265825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362790595137397,0.0,0.0,0.07643762811222668,0.1120091227690679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24872982049126216,0.0,0.0,0.09127589302292503,0.06663918648532294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200805967303166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132109082441743,0.0,0.0,0.11295462897589413,0.2438367447833437,0.14440690404406836,0.0,0.2763151753281252,0.10445795273948294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38692095811020094,0.3904837024933733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057114098788530486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19333894285850514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060078267311949964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721447645721807,0.3204432691852054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179951639106164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297055729813423,0.11083120794011248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710834655570073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435631968783432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232395241278702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442772029401128,0.0,0.11239702375197773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951892435152347,0.1140424269591098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16831654390199138,0.0,0.0,0.0773757830714821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274883109894829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895707749012358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537856928388148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531262102140064,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WaterBoy86,2020/02/04,"I may have BPD from childhood trauma I’ve always been afraid of talking about any of this to anyone, but I’m getting worse and not better. I have struggled with substance abuse since I was 16. I’ve used just about everything to the max. I’ve been trying to snuff any and all feelings and emotions. I am at constant battle with myself. The first time I thought about suicide i was probably 9 years old. My father was a horrible person, mentally and physically abusive. He started hitting me violently at age 3. My whole childhood was a nightmare. At any moment he would flip and turn into a psycho. Most of the time I would be locked outside while he looked for women to hook up with on the internet, while my mom was at work. So I’d be outside from like 9 am to 6 pm. I had to go to the neighbors for food and drink. I remember one time being woken up in the morning by him screaming about a fucking extension cord for his box fan. I remember running to the back porch to get it before he saw what I was doing, but he saw that I had had the cord outside and he then proceeded to beat me with said cord. That’s only one instance. There are many more cases of this shit. It’s hard to recall a lot because I’ve buried this shit so deep, but it’s slowly coming to light and it’s destroying my relationship. I have no happy memories of this fucker. I’ve never felt comfortable talking about this stuff, he would call me a pussy if he saw this. I’ve always felt like if I talked about how I feel inside I would be a pussy. This may not make sense, but it’s my first time conveying my past into text or word form. It’s all just been locked up inside and I don’t know what to do anymore. I want to feel normal and not be afraid to be myself. Crazy part, the mother fucker isn’t even my biological father. Just some dick who ruined my childhood and my mental state that has lasted my entire life.",2.7527678571428567,4.4194187922077965,4.089719967532472,87.17029423701301,75.36363636363637,6.578733766233768,23.719561688311693,7.292943589461545,0.9334821428571431,1485,45,303,17,32,489,196,385,0.221,0.735,0.043,-0.998,0,0,1,0,1,1,34.0,0,0,0,5,15,19,8,3,16,0,35,9,3,3,3,58,60,24,1,8,13,4,6,2,1,6,1,2,2,2,20,18,2,0,9,1,0,3,7,14,0,4,20,13,35,5,47,27,9,39,0,1,4,4,24,12,6,8,25,201,55,2,0.0,0.2357932937154032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559155030281314,0.0,0.0,0.20299956360241453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868179786987448,0.06957591042493587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651287391189747,0.0,0.06065706359812846,0.0,0.08467106201863127,0.0,0.0,0.08800370788950307,0.0,0.0,0.1253225252662293,0.0,0.10160529341568633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571437814700994,0.0,0.10752909281808876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747659889428507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192925068910743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572183143726625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942829333229642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509375043297535,0.0,0.19107998727747533,0.0,0.0,0.16927707643176593,0.12032132358346355,0.0,0.0,0.09199037353239248,0.10397406406900547,0.0,0.056550741421260924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592446730492547,0.08913655193240591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05468511056942341,0.08110950697856664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028302199027021,0.09722581553843032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355877971644296,0.0,0.0,0.08459522890179567,0.0,0.0,0.06642007455776272,0.1008820182725588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005544099496852,0.0,0.0,0.11653855225421345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674406028354328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749335385945083,0.0,0.0,0.10441330997239726,0.0,0.13485374653821372,0.07567771094728175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775375495943383,0.09498837326841833,0.0,0.08688355430753074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728275839233516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683067191352424,0.2254385659165544,0.0,0.09465163440670367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20428002673025536,0.08231121031201541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042984829587595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402378354181464,0.11390892882052175,0.10884185165697867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23993401771877865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899551549709281,0.2320876647979557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755707281985412,0.1082324010126387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594000208478653,0.0,0.0,0.0586903747127076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109330126218887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244051359927263,0.0,0.10140365990674992,0.2827407724421133,0.0,0.0,0.06407768206166113 bpd,saltedAnus,2020/02/04,"Lonely as fuck and feel I don’t belong anywhere. Is anyone here into non theistic religion? I’ve been struggling to cope lately and I’ve found solace in the discovery of older, non theistic religions. I feel like I can’t relate to my friends about my existential struggles outside of BPD or the way my insecurities and anxieties from BPD tie in with my existential and spiritual fears, because they don’t seem to philosophise beyond the subject of mental illness. I’m feeling like I don’t even fit in with my friends now. Maybe I won’t fit in with anyone here either I just thought it was worth a go.",5.512672413793101,6.7425537155172455,6.4425862068965545,74.69853448275866,67.8793103448276,9.248275862068963,33.46551724137931,9.516144504307137,3.2530206896551723,485,22,86,10,8,161,73,116,0.16899999999999998,0.6759999999999999,0.156,-0.3818,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,7,10,1,4,4,0,8,2,0,0,0,17,17,6,0,0,3,0,3,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,6,0,1,1,5,6,0,0,4,3,12,4,18,12,1,13,0,1,0,1,3,8,1,2,5,54,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378818213717013,0.0,0.0,0.25205364801492824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987160688523527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4540077086864112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904571041048237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20281821909697187,0.2734017302556805,0.25752458346647034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19762201469106988,0.27850335767251283,0.16662742240441766,0.0,0.0,0.10243359077964134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20331667544954296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17611067780512232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18107361799290128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18163783393045765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408219713787026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768484517398797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308909316640392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430647889148962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,flip_twix,2020/02/04,"Relationship Advice for BPD Hey all, Need some #advice. 30yo female with BPD. Struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life and finally got a diagnosis about 8 years ago. DBT changed my life (honestly), but sometimes I get lost in the noise and currently am not seeing a therapist (though I'm hoping that's going to change soon) and am going through a lot of changes that I'm really struggling to manage. After many years of relationships that weren't quite right and many, MANY horrible dating experiences, I am in a really loving relationship with a wonderful man who seems to really care for and understand me. Our relationship accelerated quickly - we fell in love with each other what felt like instantly – but for fear of it being my BPD accelerating things, I really worked to try to follow his lead and he made me feel safe enough to fall in love with him. A few months in, the sort of ""honeymoon"" period has ended and things are normalizing. And as that intensity has wavered and settled into something more long-term sustainable, some really paranoid thoughts have entered my head. I've been trying to Wise Mind everything - really weigh the evidence and the emotions and try to find a middle ground, But I just can't seem to shake this intense, overwhelming fear of abandonment - that in an instant, he might decide that I'm too much to deal with or not worth the trouble and leave me. To be clear - he has done nothing for me to think that. He tells me loves me all the time, he checks in to say hi when he's busy at work and we can't see each other, he talks about our future openly, he invites me to be with his friends and family all the time. Our sex life is great. And in the few times I've told him I'm worried that somethign is wrong, he's been completely blind-sided, unaware that there was anything happening because frankly, it's in my head. There's this voice in my head that says that because all the other relationships failed and so many men left me in the past, that he will too. And it's ruining things for me. It's making me want to run away - to choose loneliness because it's easier than having to manage the complexities of a relationship. It feels like I'm not just dating my boyfriend, but that we're in a threesome with my BPD. This isn't fair to him. It's not fair to me. And it's ruining something that has been so wonderful. SO, I'm looking for advice. Advice on how to manage the anxiety, the paranoia, the voice in my head telling me I'm not worth loving. Whether it's workbook sheets to refer to or things you've done to help yourself, any advice would be so appreciated.",6.1409151542358735,6.6666407276341975,6.54959533123838,77.00517026871034,66.17693836978131,10.148374270505995,30.937536073879308,10.088038600937136,2.94775603155262,2078,74,395,46,31,674,239,503,0.122,0.7140000000000001,0.16399999999999998,0.9886,1,0,3,0,0,0,59.0,5,0,0,6,17,28,0,6,24,0,29,14,4,4,5,84,68,34,0,5,14,0,3,2,1,3,3,4,0,2,35,33,1,2,15,0,3,9,9,14,0,0,13,10,35,14,66,48,15,50,0,7,3,6,45,22,0,12,21,250,70,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916283708982577,0.05290913153677239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04058936581909568,0.0,0.09132114113513616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049117507823383914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056078121039042535,0.0,0.0,0.10915435137815112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300695926619815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06085511291360806,0.0,0.1894235376858737,0.0,0.06258092915414615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06153491730027773,0.05140852710337696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216152650331365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714010446311243,0.05286517313181922,0.061672868029078586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053643037180383366,0.058385567843094476,0.05626781209955952,0.1343294643679031,0.060359317727999615,0.042640571829100055,0.05730910475874549,0.06538444725596856,0.054553050465412194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04611420885581791,0.0,0.031184116216578593,0.0,0.06784326104417332,0.0,0.04773733348786281,0.06580538609670687,0.0,0.0,0.05278122382367716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24502528702315424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040007094734843485,0.0,0.0,0.059282890881512576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320016255108797,0.06485035428224112,0.0,0.1264765754087869,0.058320335136459275,0.0,0.0,0.052821323759813785,0.050122243867734034,0.0,0.06515566657261405,0.05074395183188875,0.2693502947304797,0.05647750389956607,0.039841692111764346,0.2420539475988241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331872287976699,0.060267091328127576,0.0,0.04764178065499018,0.0,0.04387698462266141,0.044257327647706735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058480816428977664,0.05727151070718696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05697821851534436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348472030673914,0.0,0.0,0.22942302251806215,0.0,0.0,0.3844905113531608,0.0,0.050972571630912435,0.0,0.0949313681456957,0.0,0.0,0.09512599538300977,0.10867403210606276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190029743175432,0.059032200532456634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479611273454733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04797433770205925,0.10433854651176264,0.0,0.0,0.0693014789589607,0.15861418413557835,0.03824516942261125,0.05864240426480415,0.04738499659328437,0.1044123182492478,0.0,0.0,0.05703370983817501,0.0,0.12157114154937802,0.0,0.0,0.06213651548035237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0352050770011442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663866510294834,0.0,0.0,0.12945651817000678,0.08690603431136873,0.06061528331964895,0.0,0.04240009845699782,0.0652586204181467,0.0,0.07687324342630852 bpd,RagingHyrule667,2020/02/04,"Absolute brain flipping. I hate it when my mind goes from almost stable thinking, to the point of actually enjoying a day, to flipping completely over the smallest thing to the point it brings on suicidal urges. I hate how unstable I am, I just wanna go through one day without having to over analyse or overthink everything. I want one day where my brain isn't racing and I can actually FEEL my adrenaline in my system from how worked up I get. I just want peace and calmness...",6.0089999999999995,7.118079899999998,6.6488888888888935,74.11000000000001,66.66666666666666,10.444444444444443,35.0,10.504223727775694,3.9426666666666654,381,18,67,10,6,125,60,90,0.154,0.7290000000000001,0.11699999999999999,-0.7635,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,2,0,4,0,4,2,2,2,0,15,13,6,1,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,2,0,1,12,2,15,13,0,15,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,2,4,49,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.34759242107099736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17833762864027838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3976285412268432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867304880450048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445719662751926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600613900799791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005079510445514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093047919215627,0.0,0.10121618052473284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516662725369723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982640284925444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413652024890475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367169689735736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948083478498328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831920848259934,0.11411686033068348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210091518260882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716783913213741,0.0,0.1296561621915665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WhalesWails,2020/02/04,"I just threw my lunch across the room because I accidentally spilled some down my shirt. I just got out of the shower, feeling clean and in a really good mood. Made a nice lunch (homemade chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese) for me and my love. I sat down with my meal but as I was sitting the bowl of soup tipped and spilled down my shirt. A million thoughts ran through my head at once and I was feeling so angry I instantly reacted and threw my food across the room... And then guilt sinks in. And then more anger. And then sadness and tears. And I fucking hate myself for it. What do you guys do to keep yourself from having these kinds of BPD tantrums/outbursts? I need a break. My family needs a break. I am too much.",1.979044289044289,4.3683321258741294,2.2384895104895115,95.99363170163171,80.88811188811191,5.2119347319347336,23.519347319347318,6.42735559955562,0.4197425641025641,566,20,122,5,15,171,90,143,0.179,0.746,0.075,-0.968,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,0,4,10,3,1,9,0,6,9,3,2,0,25,21,17,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,3,13,4,1,3,0,0,3,0,5,0,1,9,2,21,4,19,12,3,20,0,1,0,2,3,11,1,1,3,81,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971579882608273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28866443065030617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160656597679022,0.0,0.23177684223735376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771448013318251,0.0,0.0,0.2118880763424313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922387919621036,0.18330903709860427,0.0,0.0,0.2269401465005042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22628367155296655,0.2352212940446456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20372000067337506,0.0,0.238672440466672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20685840436321348,0.2168708660737058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684854853490145,0.3398919681058945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440863376753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682887331334332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819560805725363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ccodoff,2020/02/04,"I swear to god, my life is a complete fucking chaos and this is the only place where I feel belong to something and there's meaning to my suffering. Thank you all for wording the exact situations I go through everyday but can""t actually express into words because I'm a complete fuck up.",5.312636363636365,6.849674400000005,6.2925,74.43875,68.63636363636364,8.40909090909091,37.38636363636364,8.841846274778883,3.578181818181818,232,13,39,4,4,77,44,55,0.187,0.754,0.059000000000000004,-0.7962,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,4,2,0,4,0,2,3,0,0,2,10,9,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,1,7,9,1,6,0,1,0,2,2,4,2,0,1,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.2456764971312933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534674695830591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5279205118358249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729485779341293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4654867550315204,0.0,0.0,0.14307812930849784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782195344896434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742349249718956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19147096997415228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630303201896558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28298309120794685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938132459592204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317821166520732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dudewheresmymania,2020/02/04,"Bizarre intrusive thoughts Thing have gone downhill with me, so I decided to take a break from therapy, to “gather my bearings” or whatever it was I said to my T. My therapist told me that a break sounds like a fine idea when I brought it up last session. Like he didn’t seem to care at all, despite the fact that I had explained I going downhill with my suicidal ideation and other behaviours. Now my mind has twisted what he said, using it as proof of how horrible and undeserving I am of therapy. And now I’m angry, either at myself or him (who can ever tell which it is??). Like I’m going in and out of wanting to yell at him or wanting to take it out on myself. Anyway, I was compulsively eating a Kit-Kat last night when I had an image of me throwing a brick through my T’s window with a Kit-Kat taped to it, along with a note that said “give me a fucking break.” Now I can’t shake the thought out of my head and keep fantasizing about using a god damn Kit-Kat to express my feelings. WHy are attachment disorders so ridiculous!!",5.487328548644335,5.232077569377992,6.390059808612442,80.27000199362044,67.56459330143541,9.646092503987242,33.684609250398715,9.2995712137729,2.8459661881977683,808,34,166,14,12,269,121,209,0.11800000000000001,0.802,0.08,-0.8701,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,11,9,3,1,12,0,12,3,1,3,4,35,37,14,1,2,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,14,13,1,1,7,0,0,6,2,4,0,0,13,6,25,5,31,24,2,27,0,0,0,1,14,9,2,4,12,114,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499964935919616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860984746041646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053832933451075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330765540243749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438722550442049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600811853706488,0.0,0.14112888546821115,0.1672209742658216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098539849483475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607819038568553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130765140154358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23984143157629975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21562310930214765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485471301489314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380601735818371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4198284087056388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393060155480052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092309329240073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22122868823465716,0.0,0.12858752020938688,0.0,0.33648425698158785,0.17081520922224344,0.09773858890074608,0.0,0.0,0.2335903426208365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057744834706612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541252424963222,0.0,0.0,0.1735478862492034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132751012862579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SisypheanDream,2020/02/04,"I was awkward around a new friend and I’m sure she hates me now Like cognitively I know she doesn’t HATE me, even if she felt annoyed at the time. And I know there’s a possibility that it’s all in my head and she doesn’t care at all and wasn’t annoyed and still likes me just the same. BUT until she texts me back I’m pretty sure she hates me and I feel the fear of another ruined relationship in the pit of my stomach. 🙃 thanks for letting me vent.",-0.3329931972789133,1.8157255306122444,1.8031632653061216,96.68052721088438,89.6122448979592,4.899319727891157,17.35034013605442,6.42735559955562,-0.3982068027210888,354,9,86,4,12,118,59,98,0.198,0.616,0.18600000000000005,-0.3108,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,7,15,5,2,6,0,5,2,2,0,4,19,16,9,0,1,3,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,3,2,18,7,9,12,3,11,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,1,8,57,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920728332510864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306278082316614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084870958170925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18675705372941728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098402106741622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20612051965144346,0.09261775883976953,0.0,0.17587477936008428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151898449685985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5425361650188013,0.1879883156186556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20133415105817104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18730677515808195,0.0,0.1789781242877589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769095986680181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20650000472102828,0.0,0.1863527653308776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966592223433277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628217278712902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452767184257558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864106339858684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680963354698043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Agitated_District,2020/02/04,"Mental health professional Hello. I am a 21 year old female from the UK. I have been back and forth from mental health services since I was 18 and a couple of months ago, a psychologist suggested that I show signs of BPD. I have been trying to see a psychiatrist for a diagnosis (or not) so I can access actual help. She tried to dissuade me from getting a diagnoses and suggested I see a counsellor at my university. I went to my GP for help and they referred me back to the same place. I saw some kind of professional (a different one) who told me I probably won't get a diagnoses, that my mind is still developing and I likely wouldn't get a diagnoses until I'm 28-30 years old, she was very condescending. I tried to explain that my problems were extremely difficult and I'm really starting to find life unbearable. Luckily I am happily married (not to say my problems don't affect my relationship, that's one of the reasons I'm seeking help) and I my mother in law also has BPD and is finishing a psychology degree. A few years ago she mentioned (not to me) that I show signs of BPD because she can recognise it. When I saw the counsellor a couple of months ago, I told her about the BPD mention and she then said she has it and told me that I need assessed and treatment early so it doesn't impact me the way it did her. She's incredibly intelligent and very supportive and I trust her instinct. Luckily my husband understands my behaviours as they are/ have been similar to his mothers. After yesterday I am currently feeling hopeless and worse in general after being invalidated. I was hoping someone knew where I can go from here? Thank you",4.642264150943394,6.243691732704406,6.3127201257861625,73.40323113207548,70.35220125786164,10.079874213836481,31.803459119496857,10.317481424215053,3.621972327044025,1313,59,237,38,24,451,163,318,0.047,0.8490000000000001,0.10400000000000001,0.9473,2,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,1,2,0,10,10,0,0,19,0,27,6,0,2,0,38,52,22,0,5,4,3,1,1,0,2,6,2,0,0,11,14,0,0,7,2,0,2,7,4,0,2,16,7,51,6,29,33,3,31,0,1,4,0,33,5,0,3,24,170,62,3,0.0,0.0,0.08855780869619996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24133019949803206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257184040279686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395605624316696,0.0,0.0553196702620004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571801114581436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20082380228848387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276324585449695,0.0,0.09481325665518346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04588535654045328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294282524050453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223762078737412,0.0,0.05157467544459778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19292361532227945,0.0,0.0,0.18248116862372188,0.0,0.0,0.09013410645578357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450098570225812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409861227833381,0.0443353151099948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18290703785979107,0.0,0.09163049144156857,0.0,0.1448697681724934,0.0,0.0,0.06728913894600398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904513517800843,0.0,0.12298756895840796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481325665518346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097842633108355,0.1736688298030683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813605136199412,0.09330495494207566,0.0,0.0974303270477876,0.0,0.0,0.08632295885321782,0.07216714565707598,0.0,0.0,0.14463020387621509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750684049510658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689122502038358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423251890569233,0.0,0.07247216665501327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298074487907297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354936913116735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601433093603805,0.0,0.1848375821662223,0.0,0.0,0.0944727765096908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975464729951138,0.0,0.0720322308304957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412511380907313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248085378096868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753178953545864 bpd,pancakeinacup,2020/02/04,42000 USD per year That’s the salary of the job I just walked out on today because I split on my supervisor and just couldn’t.,2.93888888888889,4.002543814814814,3.660185185185188,92.86583333333336,73.81481481481481,6.881481481481483,20.907407407407405,7.1686216300943375,0.15294074074074038,101,2,24,1,2,32,23,27,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,14,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730965158813985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6073595137510824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5801464185521692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941364534451253 bpd,EasyBakedCoven,2020/02/04,"Have any of you guys made fake accounts to mess with people? Honestly I hate to admit it but I've done this so many times, and I didn't even realize til now that maybe it's BPD related... Yeah uh I used to do that often to my ex boyfriend. I've done it to quite a few ex boyfriends. I've done it to people for no purpose really, other than to mess with or confuse them. With one ex in particular, I sent him some bullying messages from fake accounts, pretending to be his OTHER ex, to hurt and confuse him. Well, he was super hurt and confused. It was very childish of me to do all that shit, and it's like while I was doing it I blacked out. What I mean by blacked out is, I completely forgot I did that fucking shit until later, because I'd usually do it in some weird manic state at like 3am. I even used to catfish people, as a form of escape and also to mess with people, I had 2 online friends for a couple years who I catfished for literally 2 fuckin years before I came clean about any of it. From multiple identities even. I can't really explain why I did any of that shit other than I felt like, or I was hurt, or I was bored. Not sure if this is BPD related and wondering if anybody can chime in. To be clear, I have not been diagnosed with BPD, but from reading this sub and info online I fit a ton of the criteria, so I'd like to speak with a professional about it.",2.9097470238095227,3.866653774305553,4.672460317460317,85.99000000000002,73.75694444444444,7.985714285714287,26.214285714285715,8.418075326091056,1.6031327380952378,1069,36,233,18,21,364,148,288,0.21600000000000005,0.648,0.136,-0.9823,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,1,1,2,11,28,6,3,6,1,25,6,3,3,3,45,38,21,0,2,9,4,1,4,1,0,1,1,1,1,23,16,0,1,7,2,2,2,5,19,2,1,18,4,27,9,46,18,6,19,0,3,2,2,18,7,5,12,13,161,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304268562212443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21184906611626736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330132956239372,0.0,0.08836218707765851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923573943190568,0.0,0.0,0.11876797853885825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887672284314537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489957941206848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539779411133014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31880031607797665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20576066814662836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970493566558564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022833800308263,0.096000574477551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282024742562257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252281694637333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33349613349170376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20292849756612927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825813745589496,0.0,0.10527983893021337,0.10432359271487038,0.1131147559175013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036626029983395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28796482766460346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044911590536044,0.10387044601672894,0.0,0.1330481302326101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31977802405849104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787018105359348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06055130633291592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937288987822775,0.11436767206504565,0.08568080971297908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336673894257863,0.0,0.09370156454161452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261259332149608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374213089684245 bpd,thatswhat_imnot,2020/02/04,I might have to stop therapy for a while and I’m scared I got a new job where I’m getting paid to learn a trade and I’ll be getting sent away for 6 weeks for more training then after that I have to follow the managers schedule so I won’t be getting off that one day I need. My therapists schedule is full and I don’t know how to stay in contact for 6 weeks either. I don’t think I’m ready to stop therapy and the thought is making me scared. I don’t know what to do.,0.8210476190476186,2.158624057142859,2.782857142857144,95.8904761904762,79.85714285714286,5.80952380952381,23.095238095238088,6.42735559955562,0.30795238095238103,366,12,90,3,9,123,59,105,0.111,0.862,0.027000000000000003,-0.7717,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,5,0,12,0,0,2,0,16,28,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,5,0,2,2,4,2,0,1,4,0,10,0,14,20,3,19,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,11,57,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176812301948789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136808115727735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949671959579244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505140983059968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18675122897698845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068504791041801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561942456865596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19964165955265398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954176485415312,0.0,0.18175672160077205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275235698984767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768254544725698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20058731806420188,0.0,0.31467338446574844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43042723198366895,0.21850507463790406,0.0,0.12058564585866495,0.0,0.14940319272931865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019120687618755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,navi_57,2020/02/04,BPD Parent community? Is there a BPD Parent community? I was recently diagnosed and I would like some advice on parenting as a Borderline. I've been reading about the trauma that comes from being raised by a parent with BPD and I want to be able to avoid that for my daughter.,3.5098113207547184,5.925812433962268,5.24211320754717,76.35901886792455,75.60377358490567,8.768301886792452,25.69433962264151,9.3871,2.6393954716981143,221,8,39,6,5,75,40,53,0.105,0.821,0.07400000000000001,-0.3736,4,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,4,0,6,1,0,0,0,8,8,3,0,2,0,5,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,4,1,9,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,29,6,1,0.15656144788684456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299003490091967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5915509887605302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486382445652026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589065740125594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764880152133163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.695371840320559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660381563811634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458554207445266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234399833090437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121676061142924,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dalia666,2020/02/04,"Think of their psychiatrist in a romantic way? I think about him often, romantically and sexually.",6.120000000000001,9.900041000000003,8.917500000000004,45.37750000000002,76.5,13.2,33.0,11.20814326018867,6.294475,80,4,11,4,2,29,15,16,0.0,0.6859999999999999,0.314,0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8501368595286568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5265617913129977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Beelzbee,2020/02/04,"Splitting with a friend Hey all. First of all I’m so happy there is a sub for BPD.. I’ve been doing a lot of reading and for the first time in a while, I don’t feel alone with my symptoms. The start of my recovery was sobering up.. I was sober for about a year and a half until I wanted to tackle my mental health and get help. Medication and a therapist was extremely triggering and I ended up relapsing last month because of it. It’s been hard. I made a good friend in recovery, but I’ve split pretty hard and feel so guilty about it. I don’t want to split, but she just annoys the me now and I want nothing to do with her anymore. We were sitting in an AA meeting and she was writing in her journal. She passed the journal over to me and it was “Beelzbee’s Sober Plan” written out with a to do list, goals, people to contact, all that jazz. She wanted me to fill out the rest of it. It just felt so condescending. I didn’t know what to do and felt mortified. I was already in a bad head space and I just completely shut down. I know she is worried because of my relapse but it felt like a “holier than thou” act. Then the next day she invited me to another meeting. I tried to move on and told myself it’s just my mental health, give her a shot. Ignore my negative opinions. She was with her friends I never met before. She acted so .. different. She talked in a trap voice, all gangsta, and her whole personality changed. She acted like I wasn’t even there. I can’t get over it. I want nothing to do with her now. She cares about me and I don’t want to lose her, but I can’t get myself to see any good qualities about her anymore. Idk what to do and just needed a place to vent. She is part of my social group and I feel I’m avoiding my regular AA meetings so I don’t see her. Anyways.. I’m grateful I understand what splitting is now. I’m grateful for the awareness and I’m not crazy, I’m just sick with an illness. I am unsure how to work through this because in the past I always just cut people out and I want to break that pattern.",0.8909795134443037,2.9649333497652566,2.7004630815194237,92.94598271446868,82.8732394366197,5.562868117797695,22.59261630388391,6.782984794422108,0.5493164319248827,1581,55,350,18,44,524,183,426,0.124,0.759,0.11699999999999999,-0.7227,1,2,0,0,0,0,48.0,1,1,0,6,24,15,2,1,24,0,29,7,1,3,5,71,64,31,0,8,12,0,8,2,3,0,6,1,0,1,15,29,0,2,9,2,0,6,11,6,2,3,19,11,62,9,58,45,8,45,0,1,2,0,40,19,0,2,20,246,77,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974931414305132,0.10387783185719984,0.0,0.07832598992811701,0.0,0.0,0.06401349885731357,0.098706397360422,0.0,0.0,0.1867087901987704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785969154369858,0.17214735451542362,0.0,0.08010003818125516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855690503312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597461360493192,0.0,0.09957996935491524,0.0,0.09869639882409502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060707837202786434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834869001013882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337367760186383,0.0,0.0,0.06217379446957527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278904234289966,0.0,0.27114660980451016,0.0,0.0,0.16013854039544367,0.0,0.0,0.21818019052485813,0.0,0.14754143215934307,0.09030071254967076,0.0,0.15790817144314248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020606418739238,0.16864891127880444,0.0,0.096607360169018,0.2001174256461828,0.0,0.0,0.0630951989865408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346579669906884,0.07673075606889611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919770149465976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105310470518467,0.0,0.08002829896588311,0.0,0.08907068534778466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482884370219367,0.18972734617234424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513586403667899,0.10004821746507213,0.0,0.06979824236306209,0.07260098092951421,0.0,0.10011124895743936,0.0,0.0,0.1806458273603456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193659652603693,0.0898603624919859,0.1305195947137512,0.08219308759614953,0.09834869001013882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576684944256182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415822499427053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002323081101987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959564855690209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662764589344958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978399714237068,0.0,0.07566033983774048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929537958098627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488956429890991,0.0,0.0,0.08994787787092634,0.0,0.06390995912031229,0.0,0.0,0.09799551390940173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886535494296652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509585519105624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852976408745973,0.09559637829307027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060618405596188085 bpd,agressivelycaring,2020/02/04,"How to stop lashing out when you feel insecure? Hi all. I was wondering if any of you recognize the situation where you feel insecure/jealous in a relationship (romantic or platonic) and it makes you lash out or act angry. Sometimes it feels like I need to reject someone before they reject me, even if I KNOW that they are not going to reject me. I can’t shake the feeling and it’s making me do stupid things like cause fights and hurt the people I care about. Does anyone have advice on how to stop acting like this? Or how to stop feeling so insecure about everything?",4.120565656565656,6.046167218181817,5.16030303030303,79.83489898989899,72.27272727272728,8.525252525252526,26.767676767676768,9.150863307647796,2.3468282828282843,454,16,83,10,9,149,73,110,0.27,0.626,0.105,-0.9667,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,4,2,0,9,13,2,3,4,0,5,0,0,6,1,29,17,13,0,3,6,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,3,7,0,0,4,2,9,0,0,1,5,14,4,12,16,1,13,0,4,0,0,9,5,0,6,7,58,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170344200099374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948998306148427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286170783764258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951771698710878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914979119557353,0.18050432040873252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376649489427038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605592227660227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579183481855492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4442255814654971,0.1255284753228176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986100976712352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18810301160413864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656655639595783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575315867949744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23457785158771224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028800091483814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181637029637295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864861013783224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975073155598576,0.0,0.0,0.14887995526050174,0.0,0.17378336663705335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4407085532349325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673504742684886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19055184592284768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Thuff001,2020/02/04,Obsessed Anyone obsessed with their past? I feel as if I have two people inside my head and we argue over whether to let things go or not. For example my last tumultuous relationship was years ago but I still think of it. My ex's birthday was a few days ago and the whole day he kept popping into my thoughts. I haven't been able to move on due to so many things. Mainly scared of starting over... It's been so long I don't even know how to date anymore .. Oh geez this has gone from one subject to another... Sorry... I just wish someone could relate..,1.3560810810810793,3.6724290450450496,2.4751576576576566,93.792195945946,82.87387387387388,5.141441441441441,21.862612612612615,6.42735559955562,0.3239423423423422,428,14,91,4,12,136,86,111,0.077,0.8909999999999999,0.033,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,1,0,6,4,1,3,2,0,10,1,1,1,0,19,19,10,0,3,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,4,0,0,3,3,4,0,2,7,1,12,0,15,10,3,19,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,12,62,17,0,0.18288782993349892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242380528316602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177383596892306,0.0,0.0,0.1813755838681436,0.1278794230433537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14602105048373426,0.0,0.0,0.23589504074886594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207956868148722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247358197881306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039393684029022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769567665198314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051036840149716,0.14907799110929906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18701519713658296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618499743467676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854195541725932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19438081986794392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239295267371798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745871278608318,0.12679139355055385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963530854888973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831026228033242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549602648092132,0.0,0.0,0.2047279523633796,0.12944894734542525,0.0,0.1460544572307331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24300509534851655,0.11718713673447767,0.0,0.14519250819835533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17865483520397196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041877308198126,0.21031197863389287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777376626413348 bpd,majanovh,2020/02/04,"Ever feel like you’re leaving your BPD behind and then BAM! It rears its ugly head once again? After suffering a major BPD breakdown 5 years ago, I’ve since found a wonderful person (who is now my husband) who has helped me make a huge recovery, and after various types of therapies and coping mechanisms, I honestly don’t feel like I have BPD...until a mini anxiety attack sets me back. I was at work today and after getting worked up over something that’s quite trivial (sending a work email to hundreds of colleagues) I realised I sent the wrong attachment (that’s what happens when there’s no proper version control). It was actually fine, the attachment was just a different layout so it contained all the right info, but after accidentally emailing THOUSANDS of colleagues last year by mistake, I now get so anxious at the thought of having to send all colleague emails. The project manager pointed this out but said it wasn’t a biggie, but I suddenly found myself on the verge of tears and had to walk around the campus in an attempt to calm down. I called my husband and he helped me get in a better place, but when I got back to the office a colleague saw I still looked upset and after asking how I was, I broke down again. I ended up going home and I realise there’s a more deep seated anxiety than I first thought, but I was wondering: Does anyone else feel like they’ve come over leaps and bounds to leave their BPD tendencies behind, only to go through what they might call a traumatic experience and the BPD comes back with a vengeance? I honestly thought I had made a massive recovery but now feel like I’ve taken one step forward and a hundred steps back.",11.607924528301885,7.785465106918245,10.589654088050317,66.33938679245284,58.30817610062893,13.36729559748428,44.11006289308176,10.864195022040775,4.7619949685534575,1336,56,235,22,12,427,188,318,0.128,0.773,0.099,-0.8471,1,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,2,8,20,15,1,1,24,0,14,1,1,4,3,46,42,23,0,1,7,2,4,4,0,1,0,1,1,1,12,16,0,3,12,0,0,11,3,6,0,3,19,7,27,9,36,22,6,58,0,2,2,0,21,20,0,3,32,158,39,7,0.0,0.0,0.08188433719267711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438140773583696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283822817797255,0.09479474168409642,0.0,0.058672024602551484,0.08597600643976237,0.0,0.07469794661623659,0.0784447925199922,0.09546006664299694,0.0,0.25808732897079617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421183111903834,0.0,0.0,0.5284103535811451,0.0,0.17136357220840798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456256692061545,0.0,0.0,0.09411252338403124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766839189667103,0.0,0.0,0.07343045876756588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009627875573776,0.0,0.07431960955568792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590165973729511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208036309587295,0.0,0.0,0.16971025198033898,0.2397821069586216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137404837675694,0.0,0.18400660017066714,0.0,0.0,0.13151898712842988,0.0,0.09537630112768464,0.0,0.0671107229177354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420159084064405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861161639318958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248659501169277,0.0,0.08416886080856167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839808433526036,0.0,0.17769775927682588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639773135970193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704635088400547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939794367133571,0.056010769025591975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890155556713136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936171852193195,0.05685978297885572,0.06381755540740074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326722718760978,0.08766839189667103,0.0,0.07932234466152706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924892034656128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165892774459895,0.07981789945204222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941145760072617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459823943212095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701086464120742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595872754450448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998461881603588,0.0,0.0,0.07953714195192703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18199425661282487,0.18326306778422186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917427278167812,0.0,0.10807094913842 bpd,Basic-Guarantee,2020/02/04,"How to stop thinking you're a bad person for saying horrible things out of anger? A lot of people have a bad idea of me because of an ex. I said some really horrible things out of anger and hurt which I regret daily. People think I'm an awful and bad person, while some of my friends respect me more for being honest about what I've done and trying my very best not to make the same mistake again. I'm tired of seeing passive-aggressive comments about me in groups by my ex's friends. It's making me feel awful. Why do people always remember the one thing you did wrong but not all of the times you were good to them and paint you black when you make a mistake?",6.431638655462187,5.331041323529416,6.6503781512605045,81.98705882352942,65.91176470588235,9.242016806722688,28.987394957983195,7.957251820313856,1.7278689075630247,524,13,108,5,7,169,85,136,0.231,0.67,0.1,-0.9298,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,4,1,1,5,16,2,0,9,2,6,1,0,4,1,27,16,8,0,3,3,2,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,2,6,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,10,0,1,4,5,14,6,19,11,7,8,0,2,2,0,15,3,0,3,5,73,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716736240771934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828216830202912,0.0931641593434643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160386361731444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639883949336048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727577998965242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361531966943368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281871169676842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636083956731952,0.17252722647333024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299311723580846,0.0,0.0,0.30604698163604044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356201887538233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178606351002668,0.2668916962898638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979072421624516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17312735921707215,0.0,0.1453769672796615,0.12153708482924895,0.0,0.0,0.12178625881160655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277732853917366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046017232600365,0.19585544762363807,0.0,0.0,0.08911679408083156,0.17565637556981778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376199445897848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610131041416905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379059105082843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16709634845728635,0.0,0.0 bpd,WorkingOnMyself01,2020/02/04,"Within the last year, my mother (in her late sixties), has developed SEVERE BPD symptoms. Within the last year my mother has developed SEVERE BPD symptoms. I'm using the word symptoms because she's never exhibited this behavior, and personality disorder development at such an age is extremely abnormal. No new life trauma has occurred. Within the last three months it's gone from what I'd say is a six to now what's an eleven. It's surreal. Medication? Parkinsons? Aging? Brain tumor? I see a therapist for depression, and anxiety. However, I'm post surgery, unable to drive, and thus don't have an appointment within the next few weeks. I'm unsure how my father is holding it together- I plan to ask him. So, has anyone any knowledge on this, experienced something similar, or heard of something remotely similar?",4.647057471264368,7.658598441379311,6.164827586206897,68.08126436781612,74.93103448275863,9.659770114942527,32.42528735632184,9.888512548439397,4.3305080459770116,654,33,96,21,15,221,99,145,0.172,0.828,0.0,-0.9739,1,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,10,0,9,6,1,3,1,11,17,6,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,3,2,4,8,0,13,15,1,24,0,1,1,0,10,7,0,1,14,61,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711550034915696,0.0,0.10924903770758546,0.0,0.0,0.09985587012984204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350780149996908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705547405875529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597276623733085,0.1594228670160571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300179446284545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367230077964978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492269240465955,0.16109557388924095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008707219687054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386575906744656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398934850215015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101436527399538,0.13792650838337853,0.15187974734441434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469593085256228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367722264870493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356801381658868,0.0,0.0,0.1138008496980061,0.0,0.0,0.3226686475785059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21988378451388216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4453019104676664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658130810427624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233417376032088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455333567963932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18392954282858576 bpd,fashionably_doomed,2020/02/04,"Am I allowed to feel 'violated' over a disagreement at work? There was an 'incident' at work last week, and I got talked to about it yesterday. And now I'm filled with such rage and hurt over this. TL;DR - my job handed out a present, and I snapped a picture, and posted it on social media with something funny, and named my employer, without tagging them. Like, ""thanks for the blank, Employer!"" Someone complained that I was defaming the company, and I got asked to remove it (which I did immediately), as per the employee handbook. After reading the handbook I couldn't find anything referencing what I did wrong. I escalated it, and fought for my right, only to be told some super vague statement BASICALLY means NEVER say the employer name on social media, even in a positive light. During the convo yesterday, my boss said 'we'll just consider this a lapse of judgment' and I lost my cool. It was NOT a lapse of judgment, cause I did nothing wrong. I did not defame the company. I did make a joke, but it was an exclamation, not a comment ABOUT my company. A lapse in judgment implies that I KNEW what I was saying was wrong. And I don't believe it was. I am angry at my boss for making me compromise and not trying to compromise himself. I am angry at myself for not walking out and quitting, cause I feel absolutely disgusted with this company. I'm mad at the world for creating this environment where companies and corporations have ultimate power that goes unchecked. And most of all, I'm disappointed with myself for being SO ANGRY over something so miniscule. I feel Violated, but even that feels like an overexaggeration. No one was hurt, I didn't get fired.... But I felt forced to agree with something I don't, and made to feel like I did something wrong, when I didn't. So I'm worried that using the word violated is just my bpd emotions gone haywire. Experience tells me this will fade in a few days, but it's so hard to deal with in the moment, especially when I'm stuck at work and constantly feeling reminded of the situation. I'm just trying to distract, and be kind and non judgmental in the meantime. (Also I just want to add that SOME good may come out of it, as my concerns about the vagueness of the statement will be escalated and hopefully clarified)",6.905397196261681,7.158098446261683,7.573715887850468,71.25539626168226,64.53738317757009,10.866691588785047,36.04523364485981,10.621296500359557,3.9412490467289727,1797,81,320,43,25,598,203,428,0.184,0.725,0.091,-0.9932,7,0,4,0,0,0,61.0,1,0,1,7,20,27,7,1,27,1,32,1,1,9,2,77,65,32,0,3,14,0,10,3,0,4,0,3,0,0,23,30,0,0,12,2,0,5,13,17,0,1,27,15,42,10,54,29,5,42,0,4,0,0,18,22,0,5,17,230,65,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714182313078713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793812382230588,0.0,0.09018034741513736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868132725883456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149239671086827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19818916556299426,0.0,0.08309476059104019,0.0,0.10424277020322197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062210974880284785,0.099449628975761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085084496931668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742645905959582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435980926407553,0.0,0.0,0.2926490527640252,0.13782708204595728,0.09262008393346023,0.0,0.08816588802430589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050398195426871184,0.0,0.0,0.08090900400739481,0.15430134018035646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641234531306542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581001748986412,0.0,0.0,0.2065323357651162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572513550489724,0.0,0.0,0.10045188718195562,0.0,0.07863062428664905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138157518178876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530130128712492,0.0,0.0,0.0912760925781498,0.12878026564808873,0.0,0.0,0.1050770267013772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439859512377317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925593263239075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536616158014197,0.07336483573919138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238536447135498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260080222951194,0.09648960068078168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237929876297671,0.09175887488895083,0.1534232880200556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842901149057883,0.0,0.19666477306362584,0.08173320736955414,0.2970492488923456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753370434457578,0.08431334755704747,0.08881062710319479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921750045561874,0.0,0.13098476389968594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331348897125429,0.0,0.0,0.056896669394095135,0.0,0.07737719813441102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929873681144324,0.0,0.2106797225186496,0.0979633629307326,0.0,0.0,0.4218707603934925,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ariel_Nova,2020/02/04,"Where do youse vent? I don't want to go to my friends because I'm scared I'll overwhelm them (yes, I've talked about this with my therapist, I know what the ""healthy"" approach is supposed to be, I'm just not ready yet and prefer to take no chances, let's just not go there). I used to tweet but I'm sick of twitter showing me horrible painful sides to my friends, so I uninstalled it. I like journaling but it makes me feel lonely. I don't want to message my therapist all the time because I want to avoid being ""that patient"" even if deep inside I am--I reckon I can at least behave better than my actual nature. I need a shoulder to cry on every so long but I'm terrified of actually finding one. No suggestion is a bad suggestion at this point. What do youse do when you need to vent?",2.2362698412698414,3.963927141975308,3.636437389770727,89.60111111111117,76.96296296296295,6.850793650793651,27.00352733686067,7.7094869923839395,1.4718416225749555,615,25,132,9,14,202,100,162,0.259,0.6579999999999999,0.083,-0.9831,0,3,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,1,1,10,10,0,3,4,1,11,3,1,2,1,24,27,8,0,7,8,0,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,5,1,0,3,6,6,0,1,0,1,19,4,18,24,2,14,0,2,0,0,8,7,0,1,5,80,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.33861867794873746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448638553792507,0.21152593864353905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344517036605546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19057976451926534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145940081788688,0.0,0.1461798227774201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772596678762143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585743269948254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680887529413756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19720619414371648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535014272748203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741379345014674,0.0,0.08476251846118299,0.0,0.0,0.15354055904717706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581148000080654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572936210331331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756695603120855,0.0,0.18461445165933532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401199791040424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370209159250485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304491491982672,0.13945138263074475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4028898582905381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116826926627172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984684824549485,0.0,0.0,0.30700142400635955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jaaae-xo,2020/02/04,Newbie Hi everyone. I’m 23 y/o and was just diagnosed today. I don’t know how to feel or what to think I’m just glad I can put a name to what’s going on with me. I’m glad I can take the steps to move forward to better myself but I’m also scared. Scared pertaining to affecting my future children (years down the line ) and my romantic relationships. For example on a first date do I say heeeey I have BPD,-0.6974137931034505,1.4748920459770112,2.292672413793106,91.53831896551728,94.05747126436779,6.118390804597702,17.594827586206893,7.492282038375204,0.5672000000000001,316,9,71,7,12,111,60,87,0.091,0.7959999999999999,0.113,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,2,4,0,6,1,0,2,0,13,15,6,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,5,1,2,0,1,1,2,9,3,11,14,0,13,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,6,41,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952277711610654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21590993695327154,0.0,0.0,0.30746861897035843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24778312834533125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332732098612238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343762865325195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20765376696347226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874264286972818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416546937035612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594676981980784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24541443160545026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621003613448417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941390892044116,0.4888261723053308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835526495347839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156426321524806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314032553210837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720937930724674 bpd,Acelini,2020/02/04,"Anyone else feel like they lie/misrepresent things...but accidentally? I've been having this problem where I feel like someone has wronged me and I share the experience others they're all 100% on my side backing me up and telling me that I'm valid and what happened was really unfair...but if I'm in conflict with someone and I'm speaking to them personally about whatever it was I always end up realizing that either it was my own fault or I'm the one in the wrong some way or another. It makes me feel like I'm the biggest fraud/liar in the world. Like maybe I'm so good at vilifying other people because I can't handle that I'm actually going around being terrible to people? And like I get that in BPD land everything is in black and white and in the real world there are 2 sides to everything but I still feel like I'm always going to be wrong... anyone have any similar experiences or advice?",3.855482841181168,5.470207720670391,5.481344772545892,78.53682960893858,72.35195530726256,8.466241021548285,26.752194732641662,9.04235418022936,2.174726735833999,718,25,138,15,14,244,106,179,0.077,0.82,0.102,0.502,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,0,7,14,0,0,6,0,12,0,0,1,1,26,29,13,0,2,6,0,4,6,0,0,0,1,0,1,11,9,0,1,5,0,0,2,1,6,0,1,4,7,14,8,17,23,4,24,0,0,2,0,6,18,0,5,9,82,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.11841982672855475,0.0,0.0,0.11858154685794475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20194538471038792,0.0,0.0,0.08252197428504908,0.12724576737951507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697010985360702,0.12433713374821427,0.0,0.10802698291932487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331044808252538,0.0,0.07397366605558267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283573063652894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137212401242074,0.0,0.10747983787680301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181226163769688,0.2374066325470456,0.0,0.0,0.2454322685214137,0.34676907125514483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340022280702425,0.0,0.13793169048892218,0.10178239196295184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730916108725612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557120762524071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100188375875224,0.0,0.1219121093120467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222971424114406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682572399717007,0.10595789922586467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611529822277945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812255392874387,0.07773974119647697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20563845645947773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691004716897288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606500838862956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632176337019717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39803062358938296,0.0,0.0 bpd,DieHexenmeister,2020/02/04,"Do you think relationships will always just be more difficult? I was having a chat with my boyfriend the other day regarding my difficulties with relationships (romantic and otherwise) and he turned around to me and outright said ""I think social interaction is just easier for other people than you, babe"". Is this the case for you guys especially those with stormy relationships? Do you think there's any way to change it or should we just try to accept it? I always hear of people in relationships going weeks or even months without a fight. I have never had that experience before in my entire life. Maybe with a friend I didn't see very often but I can't think of anyone I've never had a fight with... Apparently it's normal to go a long time without a fight and not the other way around... I'm feeling a little down about the whole thing...",6.456037735849055,7.226031993710697,6.8638301886792465,74.17197169811323,65.54088050314465,9.882012578616353,27.22075471698113,9.888512548439397,2.4464988679245288,673,18,122,14,10,219,99,159,0.023,0.8759999999999999,0.10099999999999999,0.867,1,0,0,0,3,0,20.0,1,4,0,0,9,6,3,0,11,0,14,1,0,0,2,32,26,7,0,2,9,0,1,0,1,2,1,2,0,2,10,12,0,0,6,1,0,2,7,4,0,0,5,4,15,2,22,18,2,17,0,0,1,0,21,6,0,3,7,90,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097358302983883,0.0,0.0,0.08570542386674665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812382826934805,0.0,0.0,0.22438867805478446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724312600642563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333241212329948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127958965492195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324230831838274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328253321314375,0.0,0.0,0.06372507682482803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737126305156968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432526802761158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479053671438504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204613324829268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901944541284232,0.0,0.12631620407352934,0.0,0.1115334977692036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266151118365951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059676771006708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19440580361261425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348365289710755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474809825334198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5412406522952173,0.0,0.0,0.11988437269345527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043041558451084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284727661393359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372941784312422,0.32302238678273243,0.0,0.0,0.07348970854702228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855667981517779,0.13708557260356938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039888008238861,0.0,0.200075134623406,0.10109449217143868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070914692329167,0.0,0.24297883574325496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,oddcal,2020/02/04,"Feeling disappointed Not sure if best place to post this here but here goes... In a long distance relationship and my girlfriend lives 4 hours on train away from me and I’ve only visited her 2 times but she comes to me often depending on her work timetable. Now we are celebrating our 6 months anniversary next week on the 11th and was meant to travel down to her place this coming Friday. Woke up to a text this morning saying “Morning sweet, I hope you’re ok. I just spoke to mum and she’s stressing they’re wanting her to work the weekend but she’s got plans and she said you’re down and that. She’s sorting it today so she said don’t book the train til tonight we will sort it out” now to me this just seems like her parents are going to cancel me coming to hers and we won’t get to see each other for another week or so. Seeing her isn’t the issue anymore I’m like it’s whatever but I’ve just had loads of thoughts that her family hate me don’t want me around because whenever we’ve tried booking trains and things before they always cancel or change dates close to the time of me getting trains causing me to lose out on money by getting refunds etc. So really all I’m asking for is advice on how to approach this do I talk to her about how I’m feeling or let it slide and just stop asking altogether about me going to hers.",2.0775884334643493,4.159972025547447,3.248467153284672,90.54284110050536,78.74452554744525,5.9672094329028615,22.217293655249854,7.010146845296331,0.5998044918585071,1061,32,222,12,26,342,153,274,0.09,0.816,0.094,0.3149,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,4,0,1,5,17,11,1,1,7,1,12,0,0,4,2,51,41,23,0,4,13,2,2,2,1,2,0,4,0,0,13,20,0,1,5,4,2,9,5,4,0,0,9,9,34,7,38,29,4,42,0,2,2,0,33,16,0,10,18,140,47,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867756312761073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105445061788293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734879912634495,0.0,0.0,0.12044376481153968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081144530881498,0.2270749391408004,0.0,0.11410437758832825,0.0,0.0,0.07403356302653956,0.0,0.10334328822791528,0.0,0.12745216511928115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476053263970005,0.1284758622896666,0.3138500501212739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544660405690753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449034951451476,0.0,0.12281549833337875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19035467517131052,0.0,0.13804337469899014,0.0,0.09713304626534693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199047394822316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206252499252294,0.1196017991458092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676014078292164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241887906835212,0.0,0.11866669956461888,0.0,0.10724079377172974,0.1074776429618411,0.0,0.1358692274725302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693862112556484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916130741978032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236666351406918,0.0,0.0,0.13485361241052618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537745861133472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631359612234225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780268758360266,0.0,0.0,0.13038968280227622,0.0,0.0,0.23104968574937365,0.09658031042384227,0.0,0.0,0.19355663660862615,0.11056168220082724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153595163439603,0.13911825387557433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446328643552832,0.0,0.0,0.09761528814231472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068464323577335,0.0,0.0,0.096416132408171,0.14163459076538604,0.0,0.11511848707843855,0.0,0.0,0.08245520821175246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326633363368171,0.0,0.1948364922167923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683115571694505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lilskizzard,2020/02/04,"After work, I got too drunk I work at a new bar, and I usually don't get blackout drunk. Especially not my first month there. I dislike being blackout a lot. Last night I accidentally drank one too many shots and was out. One of the security guards from work walked me all the way home (.7miles away from work). I had an episode I think as soon as I got home, my roommates had to deal with me, and I pissed myself. I don't know what to do now. I feel so embarrassed. A lot of coworkers were near me at the bar, and I'm not sure who saw me, not sure what I said/if I said anything, I feel bad for my roommates having to deal with it, my co-worker(s). I had a rough Monday, and I think I was wanting to die subconsciously. My roommates love me. I know they all do. Work is very strange, but I get along with this security guard well since the first day. I really need advice. Had this happened to you? How did you cope? I feel so so embarrassed.",0.8840769230769219,2.935128420512825,2.5540384615384646,94.11721153846158,82.74358974358974,5.951282051282053,21.032051282051285,7.1686216300943375,0.3767897435897436,722,22,169,10,20,237,105,195,0.138,0.807,0.054000000000000006,-0.8885,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,2,1,7,10,10,1,2,9,0,15,7,1,1,4,32,34,12,1,2,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,6,10,5,4,7,4,0,1,5,4,1,4,13,6,35,6,22,20,4,19,0,0,1,1,8,5,1,2,12,114,41,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522754932802108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054572488073899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040196307048312,0.0,0.1070006255724217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264671102843471,0.2642358446772869,0.0,0.0,0.13300037311776805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19439079473578905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21801013316234694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339070831734934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20498791889576226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332339322155335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570915475627297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085673605124294,0.10446006505941376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21789857795912196,0.11566116566774565,0.0,0.0,0.12992487051932378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228880370368633,0.0,0.0,0.09502224807652787,0.0,0.12376891110397152,0.0,0.12026091255117212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367669539170014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209673033774542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438016517771919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060077259079422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24156136123118102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642278090323203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114008090853206,0.10573789075920527,0.07558670480478798,0.10172019756373417,0.0,0.0,0.11522302457137172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4664768068135958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sayyin,2020/02/04,"Anyone else feel like an open book? I'm finding myself exposing my thoughts, opinions, everything completely and way too quickly. With everyone, including people I just met. People speak of being a private person, something I simply cannot grasp. I recently got in a relationship and already feel completely exposed. Anyone else feel this way? Any explanation? I read something about boundaries, and being able to regard our thoughts as our own. Anything to do with it?",5.554964838255977,9.036892316455695,5.60801687763713,70.49011251758091,75.20253164556964,8.068073136427566,35.360056258790436,8.841846274778883,4.175176090014067,379,21,50,9,9,119,59,79,0.062,0.905,0.033,-0.2853,0,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,15,12,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,6,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,8,1,8,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,3,32,10,2,0.16627035709637658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18348347363019926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306954447902838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23252019932029866,0.3407272595339665,0.13682633673774572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486626119792529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777950960155988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588784515652037,0.149433075783707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522138652395153,0.11878357633203965,0.0,0.0,0.1519680941445917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298159365615764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123129783714668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305418604405055,0.14518086246991188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663153522163657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417191862733116,0.17851213857743053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560060882549457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640001819108168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639553404300494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ladygimli1i,2020/02/04,"Experiences with mood stabilisers? I’ve recently been officially diagnosed with bdp and minor bipolar traits. I’ve been on antidepressants for years but they’re mixing them with a mood stabiliser, quetiapine. Has anyone else been on this, or mood stabilisers in general? If so, is there anything I should be wary of etc?",5.504424242424237,8.874058381818188,6.006818181818183,68.32356060606062,74.27272727272728,10.93939393939394,30.984848484848484,10.504223727775694,4.627484848484848,261,12,40,10,6,84,44,55,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,0,9,7,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,8,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,2,26,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547391023726071,0.3732860908483824,0.29980206711841256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.369774354991736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30434032660124305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4063100532133849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563721920131433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597193474645721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23460837394453565 bpd,Ow0-meggles-0w0,2020/02/04,"I think I have the worst FP I could possibly have.... So I'm 19 and I work fulltime overnight. I started as a seasonal part-timer because I was saving up to go back to college but my dad is lowkey tax evading and my mom lives out of state so I can't really file my fafsa and go back till probably fall. So when I noticed an opening at my work for overnight I went for it because it was more hours and why not. But instead of having me restock shelves and stuff, the GM gave me a job that's a lot more responsibility like signing for trucks and such. So that mixed with fulltime being a lot for me, everyone I talk to regularly is like twice my age and the closest people to me are my managers. And on top of that I'm half the female overnight population at work, and the youngest; it's something no one let's me forget. So before Christmas I gave the head of my department my number, in case he needed me to come in an extra shift. The old head of my department had my number too and barely used it, so I kind of expected it to be the same situation. But he texted me just to wish me a happy Christmas eve and I even got him to send me cat pics and I thought he was pretty cool. So because he's only 6 years older than me and he doesn't work the same shift as me, I didn't think it would be too bad to be his friend, but omg I suck and now I'm like super obsessed with him. I was talking to my sister and I showed her some of the texts I had and she told me we were flirting? And she told me to give distance so when he went to his sister's I didn't text him for a few days until I completely caved after like 5 days, and he kinda made me feel bad for not texting him?? So I've been texting him everyday and he like made a move? He's my boss's boss so I'm not dumb enough to go for it but like part of me is soooooo tempted because I want him to like me. Like lately it feels like talking to him is the only thing that makes me happy and idk how to get over it cause it's reallyyyyyy bad. Any advice?",2.4685360947627224,3.196800214780602,4.110075243984209,90.47344632347463,74.56581986143186,6.972778067496089,25.053192281904195,7.1029339738359605,0.8195981375251433,1555,48,364,15,31,523,200,433,0.064,0.769,0.16699999999999998,0.9937,2,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,1,0,0,6,22,24,2,1,20,1,27,2,2,8,0,63,58,42,0,6,9,4,2,9,1,1,0,0,0,0,16,26,0,0,5,1,1,11,8,7,0,3,20,3,64,17,47,31,12,43,0,0,0,0,36,11,2,4,29,240,80,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886408460355307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061685968946853714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950091361007344,0.22721739811963745,0.22118410552939602,0.0,0.07718760192915443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318424539215678,0.0,0.07813870692398535,0.09510779916279856,0.0,0.0,0.07242462238964775,0.0,0.0,0.1170010022063928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372776699840314,0.0,0.0599131561845585,0.0,0.0,0.0866773743073947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173148985912427,0.06480330344280688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700823872973753,0.0,0.04739227592627122,0.0870173799222247,0.1546578965784913,0.0,0.07254914216354989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19312514622980015,0.0,0.0,0.1861894358471768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933116238877037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001576339197581,0.0,0.0,0.09446059554949146,0.0,0.0,0.10232492787124438,0.0,0.0,0.09275720855912704,0.0,0.3988472939449947,0.0,0.08009866767508991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15423694230127144,0.0,0.171664152983904,0.0605496866679342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623855620021433,0.0,0.09641046569716444,0.0,0.06726037926078622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327403394164501,0.0951849760013804,0.0,0.06146750175494605,0.13797821565585278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19646036664451608,0.0,0.06288695205064962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226199233425144,0.0,0.09228476815522403,0.0978008147202295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581112037482014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196193707829683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983305576697134,0.0,0.0,0.06420506563383586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384134607925577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187279928633066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06026375036706483,0.11624672057627725,0.0,0.07201367573535622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733547486147894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834438960091876,0.0,0.0,0.053503158840744816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817831670265665,0.08185174341169972,0.0,0.104312122027064,0.0,0.0,0.2641520913491687,0.0,0.0,0.06443784237524161,0.0,0.0,0.058414321228545424 bpd,kcoolgreat,2020/02/04,"What gave me trauma is trendy now I will never get over the fact that what is trendy now is what caused me to be bullied in middle school. My BPD is due to genetics, unstable home life, and mainly trauma from 6th grade to 9th grade. I was emo back then and was vehemently bullied for 4 years until the rise of alt culture and the e-girl/e-boy phase that’s going on right now. A lot of kids who bullied me then are now wearing the Metallica and Iron Maiden shirts and listening to music that I literally was shoved down a flight of stairs for listening to. I think it really gets to me because these kids will compliment things I wear now that I’ve had for years, but I can still remember them making fun of me for all of it. I don’t want to sound like a gatekeeper or any of that but it makes me want to yell and scream at these kids whenever I see it. It also sucks because it’s more of a trend now and the art and film/photos I make are still seen as really weird. That makes it harder for me to identify with people too and confuses me a lot because I don’t know if someone is really like me or not.",7.777402597402599,4.961439142857143,8.130688311688314,77.91317532467534,64.4978354978355,12.010562770562773,32.623809523809534,10.355215969177356,2.8448957575757574,866,22,192,16,10,288,127,231,0.11,0.821,0.069,-0.8196,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,11,10,1,1,10,0,17,4,3,5,3,32,34,19,0,3,6,0,0,2,0,2,1,5,1,3,20,10,0,0,3,1,0,2,4,6,0,0,6,7,21,4,30,25,5,26,0,0,2,0,9,8,1,6,18,132,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061096175413475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106661618206426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558686110877404,0.0,0.29868425397806314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057021487983009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16777978840054927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066116688002922,0.0,0.09282137430424962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638283146127592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975916123224101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536129372372812,0.15958471258408033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777061877139283,0.0,0.0,0.436082883930104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596632627929627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132290062961819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31389057541464216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18501541256262427,0.13947867710906411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529364261671445,0.13014889743819302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838476183909545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608631484245071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085058879025992,0.10465207985784253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19266666014804054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21035191977016285 bpd,cantaur3099,2020/02/04,"This is possible This is possible. Here is an excerpt from bpd for dummies.I hope to get there some day. >**Like many people with BPD, Tyler, a 25-year-old marketing consultant, had an imperfect adolescence. However, the combination of fairly good genes, a few good role models, some decent opportunities, and a lack of serious abuse or trauma allowed him to overcome a less-than-perfect adolescence and form a healthy identity.** > >**Tyler reflects on his life and feels okay about himself. He experienced what he now considers a challenging childhood. His parents divorced when he was 4, and each one found a new partner. Tyler had to move around quite a bit, but his parents did manage to keep him in the same school system. During high school, he did some drugs and abused alco- hol. His grades were fair, but he never did much studying. He rebelled against his parents by not caring about school and his future, and he seemed depressed at times. He didn’t find real meaning in life until he went to college and discovered a love for traveling and learning. Without the need to rebel, he excelled at school. Eventually, he realized that his life was pretty good and that he was treated fairly well. Now, in adult- hood, his emotions are well under control. He still drinks a bit too much, but he enjoys his many friends and interests. Good genes, no extreme abuse, and the ability to delay gratification, which he learned in college, can account for Tyler’s relatively good adjustment to life.** > >**Tyler, like many people, had a moderately challenging adolescence. Nevertheless, like most teens, he made it through the difficult years reason- ably unscathed. He now has the capacity to further develop his identity in a balanced way as his adulthood unfolds.**",6.274855925833122,8.909290433224758,5.773306188925082,74.70165810573792,68.12052117263842,8.892458030568779,35.9119268353796,9.466822959209583,3.888529541468303,1421,74,221,32,26,436,185,307,0.111,0.69,0.19899999999999998,0.9846,5,0,2,0,4,0,75.0,0,0,0,6,13,27,2,0,20,1,17,7,0,4,1,47,29,19,0,3,6,3,1,2,2,0,5,0,0,2,7,15,1,3,11,2,1,3,5,6,2,1,14,2,14,21,34,15,13,31,0,1,0,1,41,12,0,7,16,133,21,15,0.0,0.3087466063907395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732429543082793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896584243439055,0.0,0.21879561696083066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856010871067438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742148066364302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056017862019216436,0.0,0.07481285517280924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509026030640336,0.10073064912687442,0.0,0.0,0.09770641554047096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04391929850892173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938895925761201,0.0,0.0,0.09523809794877422,0.06710823715298314,0.0,0.04538104671840902,0.0,0.0,0.3642724962372206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177292868574938,0.0,0.08627211436782667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720563828071463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454086705572731,0.127307015937839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839502792952485,0.08218954243259102,0.0,0.264188860477896,0.0,0.09461659127628708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923190068937216,0.12770498129206734,0.06440598924348398,0.06699220264731523,0.08389045006407504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114552442109626,0.0,0.05885894936011711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28934504873582395,0.0,0.0,0.1204363222998064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958444139233969,0.0,0.08836839533862145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238687536104084,0.0,0.09886630985170346,0.0,0.08930710094515118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35163001191094817,0.0,0.07907457267397604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693669388425419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05064907894709373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689458530265317,0.0,0.0,0.15619611262340954,0.08052059009763551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373046020558543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118706788769046 bpd,GrayscaleNovella,2020/02/04,"He made me promise to take care of myself So everything has been colliding in my life lately, half good and half bad. Either way my stress has been through the roof and I’m crazy busy all the time. Fiancé and I are gutting, renovating and renting a house, looking for an apartment and planning a wedding. Mom has cancer and is getting her double-mastectomy this week and the house will be full with extra family members coming to help, I also have the cancer causing gene she has so I’m getting my own appointments taken care of this week. Lately I’ve been good, happy and SH free for months now. I thought I’d be okay buying an exacto blade at the store yesterday for some carpet fiancé and I were cutting. However last night when we were in bed after another crazy weekend, I told him when he left tomorrow to take it and the extra blades with him. No questions asked, he did. Today I wanted to pull my hair out I was so stressed and work only added to it. That type of blade is always what I used to use and I think using it yesterday made me want to do it again so badly. I was so frustrated and grateful I asked my fiancé to take it so I can’t get to it. People think I’m weird at work. I’m so incredibly socially awkward and my BPD makes my moods unpredictable. The added stress has made me seem even more spun out. I’m ashamed of myself. I try to hide away every time I’m in public so something completely stupid or inappropriate doesn’t come out of my mouth. My fiancé loves me and helps as much as he can. Last night he made me promise I would take care of myself so we could have a long life together. He meant as far as the gene I have and the preventative measures I have to take. I took it to mean, I can’t have my “back-up” plan of ending my life if it ever gets to that point. (Fucked up, but always felt strangely comforting to me to have that option) I couldn’t say anything I just kissed him and we went to sleep. I have no plans to kill myself, and I’m working really hard at recovery, but god that really was a punch in the gut.",2.3262323807060667,4.185299342105264,3.7776684339842252,88.1003006595112,77.11004784688996,6.815569636622268,22.302081986292514,7.730073105063049,0.9237167205482992,1607,46,336,24,37,530,209,418,0.115,0.795,0.09,-0.8593,2,0,1,0,0,1,37.0,3,0,0,6,17,27,5,5,16,1,35,13,5,9,2,61,82,38,1,6,6,1,3,0,0,2,5,1,3,0,15,28,0,1,8,1,4,5,6,13,0,2,20,5,50,14,47,56,9,47,0,0,1,3,26,17,1,6,24,215,65,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651756452441697,0.1356293171339066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546001961180649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706768405897556,0.0,0.15238328814604454,0.0,0.0765720793080821,0.06266858919821983,0.13609845185912042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264659333325099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24928452198383325,0.08372311038119956,0.0,0.14041033561648958,0.08545136287694996,0.0,0.0,0.06507124277421626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218494761739376,0.0,0.0,0.05383008433899966,0.07372155700178283,0.0686673964356504,0.0,0.07324708498066403,0.0,0.07683109367341412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825293061453774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534558087218675,0.17032187069362434,0.0,0.0,0.13671692807427335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675843146626906,0.07300813144242804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925567312747796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18808047502297956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016784727298337,0.0,0.0,0.1328670095117038,0.18387145154976056,0.0,0.08855015787350944,0.0,0.17269791111713054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212507332901535,0.06843960463416929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355707269649174,0.3084696724920031,0.05440198693580009,0.0,0.0,0.088777562386491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954519975995692,0.06505264689864232,0.0,0.05991199212945832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296475071822474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06198454111497391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056501946288410876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704399052299601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129882681750894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044221736264561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481219516445713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419468101794104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155901435808717,0.08307914540397013,0.0,0.06274280176471453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800744597388357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063898721621097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044440181631744,0.0,0.06470202014486254,0.09504679264789448,0.0,0.07725261824922568,0.07787689159418103,0.09054967200695407,0.05533325605906087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111699016513421,0.0,0.0,0.09614180711589608,0.06469103024943543,0.13074901813108716,0.0,0.0,0.07555146105312559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17799925251618187,0.0,0.0,0.05789537241198477,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,iWantToStopThisFear,2020/02/04,"I feel like I've woken up. Now how do I cope with the destruction I've caused? Is atonement possible, or even appropriate? Hello. I'll try to keep this short. I've known for quite some time that there was something ""wrong"" with me. I honestly convinced myself that I simply had a series of fatal character flaws. After my first ""real"" therapy session focusing on BPD, I realize now that it should have been obvious all along. I'll give the long & short of it: * I've systematically isolated myself from anyone that has ever cared about me. ""Splitting"", I now know is the name. Family, friends, loved ones. * I've been so paralyzed by the fear of humiliation, that I've allowed myself to stagnate for over a decade at this point. I have essentially done nothing in those years. This has brought me great shame. * I have allowed myself to become addicted to increasingly larger doses of prescription medication in order to cope. Of course, that just made things worse. Obviously. * I have, over the course of this decade, become an angrier & angrier person. This has progressed into physical abuse, mental abuse, and emotional neglect of my (now) former partner. * I have stopped doing anything that I once loved. I feel like a shell of who I am meant to be. Perhaps that sounds like it's the BPD talking, but I'm not sure how else to word it. &#x200B; I have genuinely tried over the past 7 months to improve the situation. However, I also vehemently denied any connection to BPD for the first 6. If I had accepted it sooner, perhaps I wouldn't be writing this now. A short time after Christmas, my partner of 10 years finally had enough. I'd had another outburst (what is the technical term for this?) over some inane bullshit. She finally, after giving me far too many chances, had the strength to say enough. I don't blame her. In the moment, I had a ""click"" inside my head. I had known she was unhappy for some time, and I knew that if I genuinely wanted her to be happy, I had to let her go. No begging. No manipulation. None of the abusive past behaviors. I knew I had to accept that I had been too far gone for a while. And so, I didn't try to convince her to stay. &#x200B; She'd been asking me to research BPD for some time. Her therapist recognized the signs, but I refused to believe it. Now I do. Over the past six weeks or so, I've done all I can to progress on my own. Beyond reading what it really means to have BPD, I've been studying DBT books, articles, videos. They do help. I had gone to therapy a few months ago, but I didn't really get anything out of it. I wasn't honest enough with the therapist. This past Friday, I went to a therapist that specializes in BPD & the DBT coping strategies to go with it. She asked many questions, but we have not really pushed into the knitty gritty yet. &#x200B; I read the success stories here, and I have hope that I may one day be ""normal"". And I do feel like I am more emotionally equipped than I was to deal with the outbursts. But how do I deal with this immense guilt? &#x200B; For the past decade, I've been able to hand-wave away these issues and the destruction that I've caused. But now... I feel aware. I feel like I can see all the pain I've caused for the first time. I feel so tremendously guilty about how I've treated my ex. I feel guilty for the way I've ghosted old friends, family. All I want now, is to get better, and give them some sort of peace. &#x200B; I think I'm doing okay with the ex. Although we still live together for the time being, I'm able to give her space. I'm able to increasingly recognize when I'm having an episode. She even started dating, and I have been able to happy for her. I think she's searching for validation, after so long with a partner that has made her feel worthless. I understand that. &#x200B; Is it even possible to begin to make up for my monstrous actions? I feel like, even if I'm able to effectively cope, I won't ever be able to repair the damage I've done. I want so badly to be able to do that. &#x200B; Well, this turned out longer than I anticipated. Thank you for those that stuck it out.",3.01557907845579,5.1606496612702415,4.159028642590286,84.83662515566627,76.04856787048567,7.388792029887921,25.57036114570361,8.308257650873617,1.718010709838107,3230,117,634,60,73,1052,327,803,0.115,0.752,0.133,0.9379,3,0,1,0,2,0,165.0,2,1,2,10,38,42,2,3,39,1,73,7,1,14,9,107,128,33,2,10,14,2,9,6,5,4,4,2,0,4,45,24,0,4,24,4,0,10,11,12,1,6,38,13,90,30,101,77,19,92,0,3,2,2,46,28,0,14,57,428,135,6,0.2714029156003079,0.13781488922279175,0.0,0.04226703408275585,0.0,0.0,0.034368901309256523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031005830507199083,0.0,0.420092779517133,0.32978424898383474,0.026366184201535445,0.040655660151866564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027110175574262714,0.0,0.06381184986055799,0.0,0.07249288268164235,0.0,0.03642742474916398,0.0,0.032372871145557,0.0,0.08564091349611397,0.0,0.043682592341274314,0.0,0.034290546217782485,0.0,0.0,0.2929906896763903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039530480072949736,0.11948809529801517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025004632565598636,0.07994413963482422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903117645946823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032388901474653946,0.08722621434759806,0.0,0.12018504102323285,0.0,0.10243375205265404,0.07014270722018118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310128988201202,0.043629104936045486,0.17643788855060874,0.13849306938123332,0.0,0.08494532227726516,0.0,0.09893793487001924,0.0,0.0,0.059910062671073364,0.0,0.04051337761683307,0.14877394694025575,0.044069866119514106,0.0,0.0,0.042746096083685736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254670010663905,0.0,0.0,0.03979109873556603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025987950485565483,0.0,0.0,0.03850919050935574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040467733027936346,0.0,0.034462197370894745,0.0,0.0,0.021307992087785967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0396468384730613,0.0,0.11365179040415653,0.0,0.03423624954385533,0.06862372564416777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998620788759016,0.07337371456827915,0.025880507663054813,0.07861713087048175,0.0,0.042233905654260766,0.0,0.03905855491892075,0.039072900611157466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061894633684947076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037988176141870035,0.03720263104222959,0.0,0.040684529291148186,0.04129074964019678,0.052545611306694835,0.0,0.0412559767895792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18506056630036527,0.0,0.033854079629103466,0.0,0.0,0.03665192577388343,0.08741885951483958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04343333984964319,0.04123862976944969,0.07756467459534648,0.0441308479447222,0.07451471031531152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0308329274001078,0.0,0.0,0.030896140725643968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043581178353020916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02984846056798425,0.0,0.0,0.027442911509291186,0.04132562810327905,0.030963245569120588,0.032414998579993616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03654200514738815,0.0,0.0,0.031163340428543383,0.0,0.035695905793296505,0.08867796771073846,0.1350513014527928,0.025758291066520143,0.049686865584931,0.0,0.0,0.13564904798654695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897061328743017,0.0421726338377174,0.0,0.04036285809683122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860591632634343,0.030775285948235587,0.03110043544615185,0.0,0.034860545043502625,0.035941888832991896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03951182251378135,0.0,0.042390926095067366,0.32978424898383474,0.049935594100708296 bpd,MoBrinx,2020/02/04,"I am so fucking lonely I don't want to be lonely anymore but I haven't been able to connect with the people around me for a long time - and I think it's going to get to a point where I look so sad on the outside that ppl will just pity me. I'm in a dark place that I can't get out of and it's been so many years of this - past the point of angry, just deeply sad and alone.",0.2677339901477822,1.1477756091954063,2.2778325123152747,100.86827586206896,80.26436781609196,4.971428571428572,17.026272577996714,3.1291,-1.132345155993432,286,4,78,0,7,96,56,87,0.292,0.708,0.0,-0.9786,0,5,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,1,0,6,0,8,1,0,0,0,11,16,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,2,1,8,0,13,12,0,13,0,5,1,1,0,8,1,0,4,50,13,0,0.2484088110552163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25727661207555325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24635479112805966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211365075654269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296499430142938,0.2595667021615434,0.0,0.14117645190597666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21983398081445327,0.20860083792863346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25184754510538115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371343181950595,0.1722153919994546,0.0,0.2595343364323893,0.0,0.4696532385413229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591703358160117,0.0,0.0,0.1448491753770381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651795281073374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996712991677098 bpd,Smudged_ink94,2020/02/04,"How do you cope with/try to improve the lack of identity with BPD? I’ve never really thought I had much of a problem with the identity issues associated with BPD — the lack of a sense of self. I’ve always thought “I’m an artist, a student, LGBT, disabled” etc etc. But beyond those labels, who am I? An artist or a student can be describing any number of personality traits — they aren’t words that say who I am as a person. I guess I didn’t really pick up on it though until these last few months. I’m graduating grad school in a few months and having a complete identity crisis about what to do after. I know this is normal for most people my age (25) but I feel like this is extreme, as most things are with BPD. One day I’ll identify as an academic and want to do my PhD. The next I’m an artist and want to start a crafting business. Then I’m hoping to be a freelance writer. Web developer. Social worker. Professor. Early childhood educator. I swear it changes every day, sometimes more than once. I suppose my question isn’t which one do I choose, but rather, how the heck do I figure out what my actual identity is/where I’m going/what I’m doing. It’s in moments like this when I feel so lacking in the knowledge of who I am as a person that I start to slide into depressive episodes and feel unsafe. It doesn’t help that our society puts so much pressure on figuring these things out ASAP and that I have a physical disability too so I can’t work a lot of typical jobs. I guess I’m rambling now, but this is contributing to a lot of my stress lately so I could use some insight. TIA. 💕",2.312966155810983,4.217414453703707,4.245636441038742,84.52277777777778,77.30246913580247,7.308471690080888,24.75266070668369,8.216663640201805,1.564478203490847,1249,44,254,23,29,425,174,324,0.064,0.843,0.094,0.8791,2,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,1,1,2,13,7,0,2,23,0,25,0,0,4,1,52,46,24,0,10,6,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,23,12,0,0,12,3,0,2,6,4,0,2,4,4,26,3,38,39,15,31,0,1,0,0,14,10,1,10,21,175,49,11,0.0,0.0,0.10674143669322028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101491318241416,0.0,0.0,0.07438377793051698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4132898835495592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571206790827415,0.0,0.11468535767803074,0.0,0.0,0.08733294005926255,0.0,0.0,0.14108518864746053,0.0,0.09421089456868363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439805636212271,0.0,0.0,0.09215938348908387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592107299462125,0.07814280321359066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24099407491841066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331671215719561,0.0,0.0,0.10864139661760668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416679956010345,0.10854514679283807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06011370244128016,0.08916124913889703,0.1233881033479174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687742392818604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859859974754421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746159645977018,0.0,0.16081728869472986,0.0,0.08436244447497017,0.0,0.1163294155721045,0.0,0.1071715207829606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648867838987895,0.14824068028899054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583197858321361,0.2865254587381614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466417741660604,0.0,0.1099595163014841,0.12253331318107033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014632334316954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698526897736716,0.0,0.11070082107816502,0.0,0.0,0.1141096910186314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150157452678328,0.0,0.0,0.10818198329894063,0.0,0.1548428411082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529716129428714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533760273510293,0.0,0.10746764548099014,0.1736748033730031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426346460689666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944712675778416,0.0,0.0,0.1290331384506566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963168463693386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jen223a,2020/02/04,I took my 37.5mg Venaflaxine/Effexor pill about half an hour ago. I just threw up. Shall I take another pill to recompensate? I don't want to accidentally overdose.,2.5004838709677406,5.418267354838712,4.561532258064517,76.16229838709678,85.12903225806451,9.551612903225807,27.10483870967742,9.516144504307137,3.414993548387097,132,6,25,5,4,45,26,31,0.048,0.871,0.081,0.2057,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,5,0,4,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3963187857641325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.468813411311679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4402941200955662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361564432400943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4967340379695994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637055828468697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,theflakybiscuit,2020/02/04,Diagnosed in 2012 after an inpatient stay. Been in and out of therapy since 2010. Self harm free since 2015. Just relapsed back into my high school coping mechanisms. I’ve been having urges again every time I’m upset or angry to self harm. I finally gave in. Fuck me,1.7916806722689067,4.579930352941176,3.216134453781513,84.98117647058824,88.6078431372549,6.835854341736696,19.050420168067227,7.957251820313856,1.329642016806723,212,6,38,5,7,69,43,51,0.266,0.6809999999999999,0.053,-0.9201,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,5,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,3,2,8,3,0,12,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,1,5,20,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18987129343897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506252747154544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20804628834206806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27049599200003377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22827963862187906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26089148250429844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499028755380029,0.0,0.0,0.515196538464224,0.0,0.0,0.4085204271496923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631908731203376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28238205708571523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398487095504894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,liriwave,2020/02/04,"Night 2 in the attempt to change my sleeping habits The night after my ex did his horrible thing, I started falling asleep to the same 3 seasons of Parks and Rec. This was about 2 and a half years ago. I finally feel a bit more stable, a bit more safe and a fuck ton more happy and am trying to hard to not default back to that. I have to move on sometime. I loved my house/neighborhood, I loved him, I loved my far too short of time I thought someone loved me back. I think I’m ready, but it hurts. Here’s to night two and all of those who are only on night one of your journey or not quite ready to start yet. Your feelings are valid and I’m proud of you.",3.4383492063492054,3.6326159142857146,4.0466666666666695,93.75611111111112,72.0,7.079365079365081,25.555555555555557,6.42735559955562,0.5879603174603178,508,14,122,3,9,161,90,140,0.079,0.743,0.177,0.9187,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,0,3,6,9,1,0,7,0,6,7,2,0,1,17,19,8,0,0,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,4,0,0,3,2,2,0,3,3,3,18,7,18,16,8,23,0,1,0,5,11,5,1,1,15,79,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066005031130625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20933208342145476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972103566481324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399438511187862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765030916742269,0.0,0.0,0.14911019074276394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583853907008485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489972923889832,0.12193464426980437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457167190665495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4914058374359388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467148010536604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5109486326014028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223681674974807,0.10352357774067213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477783557808965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136215914669607,0.0,0.11533201106312152,0.0,0.13462379894258705,0.0,0.19268949295786664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043049319654914,0.08721866968255691,0.0,0.10806217956862632,0.07937127427816718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924149236605527,0.0,0.13296712841574596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765527943853219 bpd,xo-o-xo,2020/02/04,"Perpetually falling out with a friend. I want him but I hate him Not sure if I have BPD, but I have been lurking this subreddit and I do relate a lot. In particular, my friendship with this guy has brought out the worst in me. It hasn't even been quite a year yet that we've known each other but we've already had multiple fallouts. I got attached too quickly and too strongly and I don't know what to do. Before our latest fallout, I used to text him pretty much every day. I wanted his attention 24/7. If he didn't reply back, I would have a downward spiral. He's ignoring me, he doesn't care, I'm annoying him, etc. I would be angry and sad, on the verge of tears and then he'd respond and I would calm down. This would happen constantly. I drove myself crazy. I hate when he would talk to someone else, especially other women. We aren't in a relationship, but I do have romantic feelings... at least sometimes. My feelings on him swing back and forth. I hate him because I feel he treats me like crap and doesn't care about my feelings. I think about the stuff he has said that rubbed me the wrong way and I get angry. But then I think about all the good times and how much I really like him. I feel I need him but I also want him gone. I've sent him several messages going off on him and explainging my feelings. I've ""ended"" things twice. They were just fake-outs. I wanted him to be like ""Oh, no, come back"" or something. But he just accepted it. He didn't beg me to come back. He said it was my choice. I felt so hurt. I just want him to want me. We've made up but I'm still so hurt. I'm just confused. He's a good person and I'm just imaging stuff. I don't know what I want from him. To love me? Feel as strong as I do? Just care? He says he does care, but it doesn't feel like it.",-0.19100626446187616,2.018061700265253,1.7483774479372445,96.81435916248098,89.82228116710877,4.800022574637397,17.835600203171733,6.356417079543762,-0.2666276990800833,1379,37,320,15,47,454,176,377,0.207,0.6459999999999999,0.14800000000000002,-0.9864,0,0,1,0,0,0,58.0,2,0,1,3,24,30,5,1,11,0,32,2,1,3,2,76,79,33,0,15,19,0,10,4,1,5,0,3,0,3,17,20,0,1,16,0,0,8,11,12,0,1,16,13,62,18,28,55,8,39,0,3,0,1,44,14,1,5,20,207,79,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249251795455717,0.06702724644636611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25779586573473395,0.0,0.05109316714861639,0.0,0.07132083994422493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556272181813492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418220620637871,0.0,0.0,0.1443993094924567,0.0,0.0905748083865901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05405408085702048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334753226658935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001711761162605,0.0,0.07423567891875832,0.0,0.09347646794077998,0.055359364923841164,0.0,0.07061819620626443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390371895265105,0.059877829044922885,0.08047604969312072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475566804022409,0.0,0.043790153359505486,0.0,0.047634295371723485,0.14060097444519234,0.06703493342216396,0.0,0.0,0.08299054892364206,0.07411779348463429,0.0,0.0,0.2482514407991197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945250976246696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212564305372432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379213070310367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125696355647967,0.07564678525284048,0.07930827796906581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322811217317955,0.062148151049560015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318448502735507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527052291285947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914812973726248,0.0,0.0,0.053694372644142035,0.0,0.0,0.08998650862560226,0.0,0.0,0.15945551897044533,0.06665347096669758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468768806669063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101662380889018,0.06452528733492234,0.08289569909603732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693518791760561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19189745083955356,0.0,0.0,0.0789951420294861,0.0,0.0,0.06736774551196092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0556833116581737,0.10741121041525964,0.0,0.0,0.0488735076644061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238970419606527,0.0,0.0,0.3460559847662448,0.06652886382871855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.297700727029579,0.09163912090031116,0.0,0.053974451215824525 bpd,throwahoeaway22,2020/02/04,"I’m terrified of being loved Hi all, I’ve been struggling with accepting love/help for a while. This has led me to isolate and be fearful of meaningful intimate relationships. It’s gotten to the point where I haven’t spoken to my family(that I live with) for months. I’ve ghosted my closest friends and my partner who’ve all been my greatest supporters in the past. I can only imagine this isn’t easy for my loved ones either. How can I cope with my feelings of inadequacy?",3.825543478260869,5.976641554347825,4.927608695652175,80.21684782608699,73.67391304347827,8.078260869565218,31.06521739130435,8.841846274778883,2.779973913043478,381,18,70,8,8,125,63,92,0.136,0.621,0.243,0.9062,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,2,3,0,9,2,0,2,2,14,15,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,3,1,11,5,13,10,4,8,0,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,3,49,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675296555921993,0.1202112102474092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18368149491484928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935572029593495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20993353090012734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6437234772458799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18976609830767813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16110242596505353,0.18081607872324632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22695487170139303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247462351898216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255249570064684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485430967526152,0.0,0.0,0.26979064580612194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HarmanLeonhardt,2020/02/04,"I'm done with relationships and people. Time for me to go off on my own for good. I'm just done. My fellow BPD brothers and sisters, I don't doubt that we can change and improve through our self control and symptoms, but for me, I give up. Economist say the true cost of something is the opportunity costs, and I've given up so much to maintain my relationships with friends and family, while giving up my sanity and a stable lifestyle. I'm not blaming any one but myself, this is my condition and I made the decision or mistakes that have caused the destruction of my own life and hurt so many others, so its my responsibility. I can't take this anymore, everyday is a living hell. If its not the fear of abandonment, self-hatred, paranoia, then I'm destroying my own life. Even interactions with people I barely care about can be panic inducing. And I don't want to hurt other people around me either. So I'm going to decide to cut ties with friends, family, I just want to be alone for a while, or maybe forever. I'm tired of people not understanding, I'm tired of my intrusive thoughts and self-destructive behavior I use to cope with the constant emotional pain, I'm tired of being a slave to another person's emotions. I think I'm just going to focus on my career and studies for the time being, I don't feel so nervous or out of control when I'm studying objects or concepts so that should be nice. I really tried but I don't think close human connection is for me. I'm going to move out of my place away from friends and family, just pretend to lay low and be nobody for a while away, and start my life over.",5.376308411214957,5.801886591900318,6.476353582554518,77.21714719626169,67.81619937694704,9.6598753894081,30.69174454828661,9.642632912329526,2.758715763239876,1280,47,247,26,20,430,158,321,0.195,0.6759999999999999,0.129,-0.9808,0,1,1,0,0,0,36.0,2,0,0,3,14,22,4,4,12,0,21,8,0,6,1,61,51,34,0,5,16,2,1,0,4,1,8,1,0,3,9,25,0,3,8,1,2,5,8,14,0,1,5,2,31,8,46,39,5,30,1,4,0,0,17,15,1,6,10,167,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557386865361776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275331415192859,0.0967632401436212,0.0,0.0,0.0915165986504371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214843688306685,0.0,0.0,0.17339950381571725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622296608106332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408523492185512,0.0947966016411691,0.09761961479558257,0.0,0.0,0.0997214992338804,0.20699890793085773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18886820464524293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20760433096418685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060949826614905236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609790730702293,0.10384024124581816,0.046659354623363535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138850442818716,0.0,0.0,0.17704606321874464,0.2097785657638127,0.07739977712994497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975745092213214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19553949930781453,0.0,0.0,0.08148460568231408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731721901057297,0.0,0.0935570629699105,0.09270729355258754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807864486396267,0.06783614733812457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253106684740002,0.0,0.0981920346278385,0.10827026537474227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559003109113337,0.08057501525631518,0.0964125747038706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059116695203401036,0.0,0.0,0.198147580123308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338446718618816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28880334479490904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104136907551029,0.0,0.0,0.06531599847830223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591387087047364,0.06938279890939736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825812417309305,0.0,0.07325972005966881,0.10761799100498444,0.3181855862469849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265181272239834,0.0,0.0,0.09606635131042808,0.0,0.07969997353698538,0.0,0.0,0.10885783565291778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,haylea03,2020/02/04,Feeling very silly Girl I’ve been sleeping with and talking to everyday told me she didn’t want to be in a relationship despite lying n saying she did so I’ve been crying for 24 hours then told her I loved her and she said she felt the same way but she wouldn’t say it back. Literally said she did it all bc she was selfish and wanted to keep having sex with me and then got mad at me for being upset about the whole thing. I feel so stupid and now I’m pretty sure I have a psychogenic fever bc my throat hurts n I have a headache. She said she still wants to see me which of course she does and of course I’m going to do it bc I love her even though she played me for 6 months ahaha:(,-0.2845339299030556,1.855496657718124,1.4181991051454157,99.63842468307234,89.13422818791945,4.11648023862789,14.989187173750933,5.46131890053228,-1.0619622669649509,538,10,129,3,18,174,91,149,0.147,0.708,0.146,-0.6306,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,8,10,2,1,5,0,13,6,2,0,2,20,32,12,0,4,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,5,8,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,13,9,25,5,15,16,3,12,0,1,1,3,26,2,0,0,8,82,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139012090530772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340969013641155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381506376694017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426978698348773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596447844914905,0.0,0.1515772547304005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897195594340918,0.0,0.1262608094944224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15546737755847168,0.0,0.16900008690784646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031960781829048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284962596487533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260080811339024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060768168721154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694902768246621,0.0,0.0,0.4505035332123942,0.2510846440875468,0.0,0.0,0.12579970751901348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579811950534091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607293807416373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878795382635607,0.0,0.0,0.12688766360946507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048799431337492,0.0,0.15510370798268114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016977215314659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025696102880005,0.2793424681926201,0.12530762354693245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762530745808245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,missnightingale77,2020/02/05,"How many of you have had mono or another Epstein-Barr associated issue before being diagnosed with BPD? If so, were you experiencing BPD symptoms before your illness? Did you have a particularly high fever during the illness? If not, how long after did you start experiencing BPD symptoms? How long after were you diagnosed? Any repeated issues with the virus years later?",6.398095238095242,9.567312222222228,7.42246031746032,60.54892857142861,69.63492063492063,9.279365079365078,31.13492063492064,9.725611199111238,3.885996825396825,302,13,41,8,6,101,42,63,0.09699999999999999,0.903,0.0,-0.7476,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,8,8,0,3,0,9,9,7,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,6,0,5,3,0,9,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,3,8,30,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110715030517396,0.1707183951994334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770752522510819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6151529720964587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304934085033315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201560257684592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398585296158925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881599332249598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506176959441504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523634827145113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33843972335092104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484302132051128 bpd,lunamermaidmemphis,2020/02/05,"I'm being stupid about things and need help Okay so back on December 18th, I missed a therapy session because I forgot to request off work. I let my therapist know I needed to reschedule (Via text). She said she got my message and was slammed. Neither of us followed up until she messaged me (on the secure portal) January 6th to remind me of payment and ask about rescheduling. I asked about her available times for the end of January and she gave me some options for the first week of February. I replied back saying today but never got a confirmation message or a reminder text. I honestly assumed she didn't even get my message and that I didn't have therapy today. She texted me about an hour ago asking if I was coming. I'm upset. I feel like my therapist wasn't following up professionally with me. I know I should have followed up too but I'm also embarrassed to go to therapy. The last time I saw her was after a recent meltdown I was recovering from and seeking intensive treatment for. Since I've last seen her I haven't followed through with any treatments because I haven't been feeling that intense like I was. I realized I was triggered by a series of events but I'm okay now. But I've become unemployed (quit Friday with no back-up). I don't know. Anyone else have problems not being honest or omitting information you need to process during therapy? Right now I feel like being mean towards her. I'm not though. She really did nothing wrong I just need to make sure she ""hears"" me. I don't know what I'm asking here but if any of this makes sense will someone give me their insight please? I don't want to blow up on her. I'd like for us to have a good relationship but like with everyone else in my life in beginning to ruin it. I don't want to do that.",2.7550194250194258,4.97039333903134,4.157042217042221,84.20319347319351,77.14814814814815,6.98958818958819,27.445480445480445,8.00094639256281,1.9098672364672369,1406,59,268,24,33,464,177,351,0.086,0.7909999999999999,0.12300000000000001,0.9203,5,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,2,1,1,3,15,19,1,2,11,2,28,1,0,3,2,52,72,20,0,10,13,0,3,5,0,2,1,3,0,0,7,11,0,2,12,0,0,6,14,7,0,1,18,8,54,12,45,48,2,39,0,2,2,0,34,12,0,7,26,179,61,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790074786001231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127642714656121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122154940743893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06232106744571043,0.09132319077689124,0.0,0.0,0.33329432474982945,0.0,0.0,0.2056040925546924,0.0,0.10866441929311473,0.09843597529428252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677673937634083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891168135485405,0.0,0.07894183694928217,0.0,0.0,0.058868862292163926,0.0,0.0,0.0851665767069615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351988975777811,0.12734754733001796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758130797921678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04656622256089638,0.08550065598090817,0.05065406329136915,0.07475717445589314,0.14256920287372155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045485794729547,0.0,0.05974128830520329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777410892632663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959318645352134,0.14530405779894565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114043867847717,0.0629544468335718,0.2177196306389656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898859593736355,0.0,0.0,0.09708760740279848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643520893624657,0.06874177754595694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552167698027623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783687438421056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852844135299749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479966000922699,0.0,0.0,0.0570983181147521,0.0,0.08800413248718908,0.0956911877822466,0.0,0.07611567692286918,0.08478208701373732,0.07087895623498075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737284278145024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551871039726311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400302540105582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4077071055117843,0.2069712715659131,0.05921334557371266,0.0,0.08756878756913951,0.0,0.10394367046620047,0.0,0.16896773621169806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144224197990613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105141184026067,0.0,0.07149390566362293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488697174423406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744856712639224,0.0,0.0 bpd,ThankYouForTodayDCFC,2020/02/05,"Poem about BPD **Copper Wire Veins: Electric Rage and More** Let me tell you, my dearest neurotypical, what exactly it feels like to be irritated: It feels like copper wire veins, electric rage and more. These shocking pains can’t be imitated. Different currently flow through my body’s grid, positive, negative, always extreme. So tell me what it means! -to constantly live amid electricity. From one pole to another, if it takes a toll on my lover, imagine being me! Can’t you see I don’t intend to be furious when I ought to be annoyed? Aren’t you curious what copper wire veins feel like? No, of course you’d avoid it, avoid me, avoid a burn. I wish I could teach you, I wish you could learn That the copper can reach my very heart. But isn’t that all the organ is? Electric impulses. But for me not in part but totally! I feel. Your contentment is my joy. Your pity is my compassion. When you want to damage, I want to destroy. When you feel sad, I sink into depression. Your inkling, my temptation. Your interest, my infatuation. I feel. I feel. I feel cold. Like an eel alone in the sea, the only creature that knows about electricity. Don’t you see? These copper wire veins Sting! To manage the current takes all my might. I want you to know about copper wire veins one more thing, They also make me bright.",1.5824875974486154,4.316144004016067,2.7625620127569133,88.30041282778174,88.87951807228916,6.463548310890622,21.3797543113631,7.724431198458867,1.2557190172454529,1023,35,200,22,34,327,132,249,0.16399999999999998,0.6579999999999999,0.17800000000000002,-0.5193,4,4,0,0,0,0,53.0,0,14,1,0,8,22,5,3,8,0,21,9,7,2,4,39,42,11,0,9,5,0,8,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,14,3,0,3,13,0,0,1,9,14,0,2,0,12,42,8,20,31,7,11,0,4,3,1,18,4,0,2,10,127,56,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275195202895618,0.0,0.09846236389893363,0.10244918273515063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910644027080692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367632098935477,0.1550705971210699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330535001250991,0.0,0.19660928131628685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060466775809,0.0,0.0,0.1286385645921401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4980422872830223,0.26387982076588673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590274854476176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533166095428725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590281806095854,0.0,0.2406090244207703,0.0,0.1087209084865214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218634759088868,0.0,0.0,0.1341183293393004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061529999804106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686426446698274,0.09364148863439034,0.13101281059761766,0.0,0.0,0.13333149079225864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962280642987253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18514812381069332,0.0,0.21523192405303912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179823558725466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159034479572522,0.217865497825507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28317346597929033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throw1234567890_,2020/02/05,"DAE Does anyone else struggle with socializing at work? I have had a decent amount of jobs since I was a teenager (now 25 yo). But I have found the most difficult jobs to be the ones where there was a huge culture of socializing. From the outside this looks great: everyone gets along, everyone is nice and accepting. But separating work and socializing is hard to do in these types of environments. I tend to think in either: strictly working or strictly trying to socialize terms. Currently the job I'm at has very little training and the primary way information is disseminated is through conversations. I feel a lot of anxiety over this, as I tend to function best when I'm given a specific role and specific guidelines. Unless I feel that I have a distinct role, I feel like I'm free-falling. Does anyone else struggle with this? What skills have helped you navigate this? Right now I'm at a great job and I don't want to have to leave, but I often feel like I'm drowning because so much of the job is about building relationships with coworkers.",5.7128716461203775,7.197839507614216,6.3100398839738965,74.88549492385789,67.62944162436547,9.892530819434374,33.360768672951416,10.125756701596842,3.5358139231327046,841,38,151,21,14,274,112,197,0.054000000000000006,0.846,0.1,0.8918,6,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,5,8,10,0,2,13,0,17,0,0,0,1,28,34,13,1,1,6,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,0,8,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,5,6,12,7,27,28,7,16,0,0,1,0,12,10,0,4,7,98,19,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956994221704115,0.0,0.0,0.1454571313942515,0.21314797555013448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340558402970099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915561314185253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18204559944279666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737796453810805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987784620225688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21036913749335825,0.1486143425002669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404528989643173,0.0,0.0,0.05434269205573819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293502119749762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317554788198408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971796840804864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.516086093626566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013513891281887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163135587671872,0.10424872054461858,0.0,0.0,0.08734503311653337,0.0,0.0,0.08842844635839071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646179379026365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704821503930544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167143186884138,0.0,0.08882684839261558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604093328029011,0.0,0.0,0.42411412195564574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174747129912653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664756666881504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061824960501477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582192218623727,0.06134977964373532,0.08256097050359859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22716891321698096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,adhoiuhjedsjcwskjczd,2020/02/05,"Such irrational fear of being left or cheated on I have such an irrational fear of being left or replaced by my girlfriend. She is the best thing to ever happen to me. She is the love of my life. My soulmate. My one and only. The feeling is all mutual. I know for a fact she could never cheat or leave me. But at any second, if I even IMAGINE it happening, I automatically get triggered and either get depressed, anxious, or empty. It is such a terrible and constant fear. It never leaves me alone. Some people overthink. I over feel. And overthink. I can't stand that I am like this.",1.1273684210526334,3.722381561403509,3.107333333333333,86.32100000000001,88.64912280701753,5.145263157894737,22.51228070175439,6.742157984588678,0.9101059649122804,454,17,85,6,15,152,74,114,0.20600000000000002,0.634,0.16,-0.7377,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,5,10,2,3,6,0,10,2,0,1,5,23,18,10,0,2,7,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,7,0,2,0,2,17,3,10,15,4,10,0,1,0,1,5,5,0,6,5,72,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16426672744192555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785669448238018,0.0,0.0,0.17917826513684754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664459396404913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139543021032613,0.0,0.12663301725570794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660607131165134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475696649331223,0.14346711084521568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5354234430349679,0.16039069248751356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572891089085218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805073800723555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716504349201458,0.0,0.0,0.33587913907748423,0.3446491319952154,0.0,0.11202725211197673,0.07748628787350753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314701331853258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446515800265801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747470892595147,0.12062608811445386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995658964356696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053699734748912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hotsexycold,2020/02/05,"Spiraling It really sucks how being left on read can cause my mood to spiral so low that suicide becomes a thought. It makes no sense. No amount of self-help books, therapy, or meds can prevent this. I just have to ride the wave until it crashes. Tomorrow will be better.",3.0628846153846148,5.4390395192307714,3.896769230769234,85.64823076923078,76.88461538461539,7.236923076923077,25.784615384615392,8.238735603445708,1.8323415384615391,213,8,40,4,5,68,47,52,0.242,0.6920000000000001,0.066,-0.8933,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,2,0,6,0,0,3,0,7,9,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,5,5,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,2,26,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188168164730137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25530794415849434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965468457710606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19349152880865175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136442242811767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19269157053573405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320650795154906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887512710426157,0.0,0.18493141306200905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30114905479856435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315761574726348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301229074129062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22917423757447006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,FThisShitIHateMyself,2020/02/05,"Should I cut my fp off? In 4 months I'm never going to see him again. But I just can't do it anymore. I love him, he knows that but we're just friends. I hate having this stupid crush on him, it's so dumb. But he's so damn perfect, there's literally nothing wrong with him. I hate that. He's my rock without realizing it.",-1.100062597809078,0.90395201408451,1.4472300469483592,98.73763693270736,92.2394366197183,4.282316118935838,17.74804381846635,5.82211442006289,-0.5876679186228477,247,7,62,2,9,84,49,71,0.315,0.515,0.17,-0.9349,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,6,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,12,11,5,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,7,0,0,0,1,11,3,6,10,0,7,0,0,1,1,9,3,2,0,3,37,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883220000869112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22461413071661127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16522624460567525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5740633292476554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15977536683250235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623915006253734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23205466196048624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242257582793452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27895936873909816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316709241213777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28024941991407026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178631632349477,0.0,0.0 bpd,Bungee_Squid,2020/02/05,"Quiet bpd effects people around you Bit of a weird name cus idk what to name it, but I wanna talk about how quiet bpd effects your relationships. Opening up even a little, something I did and didn't realize how this would effect my relationships soooooo much. I got REAAAALY close to attempting suicide. Now everyone who knew sees through me and its so...TERRIFYING! And I closed up again like nothing happened and it's super unsettling because people see what your dealing with and try to change and shit and I feel like I have to act super weird and it's terrifying, I dont recommend opening up to anyone, unless your getting treatment",3.6249022164276425,6.551812728813559,4.25,80.75921121251629,78.4915254237288,6.68161668839635,29.415906127770533,7.882392219407189,2.3732547588005213,514,24,86,9,13,163,79,118,0.177,0.6940000000000001,0.128,-0.6764,0,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,4,0,6,7,7,1,0,2,0,5,1,1,5,0,29,12,12,1,2,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,8,14,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,5,13,4,15,7,2,12,0,0,2,0,11,9,1,1,4,58,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080132673529086,0.0,0.0,0.15379750599659545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531595941423266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886146682153114,0.0,0.4351830174988749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827624950828942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781131609816355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20247932976761096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410967365867895,0.0,0.0,0.16508439090306382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735519073477621,0.12342337274110893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026259813838126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817597776018062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15277554644039334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688085349976772,0.17315594816885255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700217646103126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657727068433813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23954703884346865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709699757964237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275342723652541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773408217285162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330029614799561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18897690312905246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886198777869585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729611552544135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272732122570615,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dylandonaghue,2020/02/05,"I Think I was Misdiagnosed with BPD I share traits with other personality disorders. Here are some of my symptoms: 1. I feel little or no remorse. 2. I have a very hard time apologizing, and feel like it is a huge sacrifice to do so. 3. I am extremely sensitive to any kind of criticism. 4. I think I'm always right. 5. I lie about almost everything, except this post, because I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with me. 6. I am prone to self-reflection, and am very self-aware. 7. I become angry when people show emotion, and will secretly judge and ridicule them for being weak. 8. I despise myself when I show emotion. 9. Secretly, I have really low self-worth. 10. I hate most human beings for being human, and think of them as beneath me. 11. I am very judgmental, but come across as non-judgmental. 12. I come across as shy, withdrawn, and socially awkward. 13. I think I am a hypocrite in almost everything I do, because my beliefs conflict with my actions. Here are the BPD traits I do have: 1. Chronic feeling of emptiness 2. Constantly shifting sense of self 3. Impulsivity 4. Intense anger and rage 5. All of my relationships are unstable and lead to inevitable failure 6. I become even more unstable when I'm in a relationship 7. I'm a reckless driver. 8. Splitting 9. I'm often irritable 10. Have struggled with an eating disorder throughout my life (ED cited as often being comorbid with BPD) I also share traits with people with AvPD: 1. Avoid people because I'm worried they're going to say something to hurt me or upset me. 2. Intense fear of social situations. 3. No close friends. 4. Haven't been in a relationship since 2013, and never will again. 5. Intense fear of criticism or rejection. I feel like I might just have Mixed Personality Disorder, about which there is very little documentation.",1.5404393076878833,4.27637192668622,3.766034155597726,79.97101201771034,92.1964809384164,6.545477545857053,25.454602955551724,7.724431198458867,2.190775010062677,1421,64,246,33,51,484,180,341,0.278,0.6659999999999999,0.055999999999999994,-0.9979,0,1,1,0,0,0,71.0,0,0,2,1,15,22,5,6,8,0,28,5,0,1,2,51,46,22,0,0,6,0,5,2,1,3,4,1,0,5,5,21,1,2,12,2,0,5,4,16,0,0,2,6,36,6,39,37,4,26,2,3,0,0,19,13,0,10,9,149,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656571014519936,0.0,0.0,0.06651110995728322,0.0692041973004591,0.0,0.0,0.056558529408691015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209918824608282,0.18370971269612266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314249540469526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432873773069824,0.0,0.08987734629350802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859604678064443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851037898590184,0.0,0.18711036726733146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05493307576884039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494958708869926,0.0,0.0,0.18717900138591104,0.16821323407824804,0.11883349183371344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425702360945157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0472674923285346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450408568954671,0.08211326861560395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890353269880518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660887496071143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058745511009380726,0.08126543303586993,0.16671660720083942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088230347477645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414591903739704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297905444481254,0.14524187069855254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965397867743237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0532809045927246,0.0,0.0,0.2678807300248537,0.0,0.0710268227513736,0.0,0.06614021269765219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470582696846925,0.0,0.0,0.06879917759155768,0.09348669260230676,0.0,0.16956291431928336,0.0,0.06402841692732235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694746111143442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644559350595445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213168202644002,0.0,0.0,0.04849716219308711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05646704784051103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744962166556301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446328773724322,0.0,0.0,0.0909334631770452,0.0,0.0 bpd,liv_star,2020/02/05,Careers for BPD's? I am thinking about going back to school to learn a different trade. What are some careers where BPD's are able to thrive and use their innate gifts?,3.33818181818182,5.563379181818185,3.003030303030304,93.12454545454548,75.36363636363637,5.612121212121212,23.12121212121212,6.42735559955562,0.4472303030303033,135,4,27,1,3,40,27,33,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,16,3,5,0.294479448780607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264365189807129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7417731139947366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.307668347220028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735945702357918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298028923673417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18869054021962384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543356943523242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,peepeethrowaway47372,2020/02/05,"DAE get upset when their partner/fp watches/talks about porn? My bf does this a lot and it really upsets me. Maybe I’m just insecure but I feel like he’s rubbing it in my face. I know it’s only natural for him to be attracted to people other than me though, doesn’t make it any less upsetting.",1.2852150537634408,3.2430976290322637,3.6658064516129047,87.18537634408602,80.7741935483871,7.359139784946238,21.623655913978496,8.344100000000001,1.2932172043010757,231,7,49,5,6,80,52,62,0.142,0.7020000000000001,0.156,0.4391,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,4,6,0,4,1,0,2,2,1,1,0,7,7,4,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,8,2,6,6,2,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,2,30,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23943700024310335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.308121127244917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780300539545926,0.2515370812373478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839553560754857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193502467695198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720160664801117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993389860107618,0.0,0.0,0.23502646694130366,0.0,0.3537272344715864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677844785416024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440986728507477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255613803841337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830010096542723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459320213769458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thelaughingbuzzsaw,2020/02/05,Almost positive my boyfriend is or has cheated on me and I don't know what to do. I've seen a lot of mixed feelings on here about cheating (like it's okay if you have BPD and not okay if your SO doesn't.) I have BPD myself and I've been doing really well controlling my symptoms these last couple of weeks. WE have doing well with our relationship these last few weeks. I don't know when it happened and I don't know if it's still happening but I'm pretty sure this isn't just me being overly sensitive or suspicious. I have no idea how to handle this at all.,0.8308344198174709,3.063765525423733,2.650000000000002,92.23039765319427,84.42372881355931,6.0036505867014345,19.246414602346803,7.321109707123232,0.4214750977835724,444,12,97,7,13,147,75,118,0.09,0.7759999999999999,0.134,0.4933,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,2,2,0,1,9,8,2,0,1,2,16,1,0,2,2,25,24,13,0,3,8,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,7,2,2,0,2,2,14,6,10,21,3,10,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,7,7,72,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746812294423495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4464246255294662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987761392477021,0.0,0.19609928010231908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896117420573021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134440608537235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20006870611542246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921994265132817,0.2889287556475976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658459084138165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067280723811052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18030447019761967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135367191554489,0.0,0.0,0.19027641919416324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153441520929078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670351810363324,0.1842076283639492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843230328551387,0.0,0.3186982996078352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ChoiceJeweler6,2020/02/05,"obsessively hating someone I had a friend who wronged me and hurt me and never apologized for it. Unfortunately she married my husbands brother so I have to hear about her and still be involved in her life. I blocked her on everything but now I find myself lurking on all her pages and just finding more reasons to hate her. Sometimes I get distracted because I can’t stop thinking about how angry I am at her. I’m also having issues comparing myself to her, I feel like everything she does is to hurt me, even thought it’s probably not true. I just can’t stop thinking about her even if I don’t want to...why can’t I just not give a shit?? Idk sorry rant over!",3.8672727272727268,5.298962090909093,4.9337575757575785,83.20063636363638,72.03030303030303,7.704242424242422,30.624242424242425,8.238735603445708,2.213100606060606,524,23,103,8,10,172,85,132,0.308,0.61,0.08199999999999999,-0.9838,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,13,11,3,2,2,0,10,2,1,2,3,26,21,9,0,2,7,2,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,0,3,7,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,2,2,27,3,13,18,3,10,0,2,0,0,18,5,1,1,6,76,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278714038484346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747312259924266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992894557069516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21122394501566574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28741434163617896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084988508418182,0.1142320841942623,0.0,0.0,0.2922901071212172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353779423226754,0.0,0.08354077903675823,0.15338996843598462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315734888177463,0.0,0.0,0.1802181201184897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423509925297793,0.0,0.0,0.1668933148442647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294159678567513,0.07811871590567053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332418935314715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17239847828511876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440310054474433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16413432260731065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548214889426174,0.0,0.15814448568895947,0.17899416317507233,0.0,0.0,0.12769577895060671,0.2673659312693724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20491401621054486,0.0,0.1269421747457633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943127436512398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428423781056934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748247713910752,0.0,0.0 bpd,Angus_Uno,2020/02/05,"Can’t tell if it’s because of BPD or my Depression First time poster, just want to say that this group has helped me to not feel so alone. Thanks to all. Anyway, I sleep CONSTANTLY when given the chance. I’ll typically go to sleep betweeen 11pm-2am. I’m trying to get better about having a consistent bed time. Even if I wake up 8 hours later I’m still exhausted and end up going back to sleep. Some days I wake up at 4 pm. Anyone else?",2.093,3.9126493555555584,3.4819444444444483,90.13625000000003,77.66666666666667,6.722222222222222,20.13888888888889,7.645422480735847,0.5452222222222214,342,8,74,5,8,112,72,90,0.098,0.7979999999999999,0.10400000000000001,-0.1123,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,2,0,3,6,5,0,1,10,12,6,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,1,2,5,2,12,11,2,17,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,4,11,40,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949858577387061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163932984806287,0.1928998350987683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476423499162286,0.0,0.11476465279205612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665051748509628,0.0,0.0,0.2371132930946273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034476822694973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141540968688365,0.0,0.16215244804480636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727132688458564,0.0,0.16674699164983298,0.0,0.0,0.12434731782810235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519248734969588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013819125053533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836074031966972,0.0,0.21399078093666896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619012284421613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540319270265984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971595772538812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5652031649958379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034874582330648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455198870313326,0.17332920268543595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21955777849983416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781963955896852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104362916023812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tehllamaqueen,2020/02/05,"Personal care and recovery plan leaflet is sending me into turmoil How are you able to complete these leaflets? “What do you think are your strengths?” I don’t fucking know. “What makes you feel good?” I don’t know. I’m not at any stage of being able to answer these questions and I’m sat in tears feeling like I’m not a human being because I’m not able to answer such difficult questions. What..how...I’m so lost.",0.9649556541019956,3.534458134146341,1.9953215077605329,94.03449002217295,89.60975609756098,4.445232815964523,24.52771618625277,6.1124844417494595,0.7016439024390246,325,14,65,3,11,102,53,82,0.11599999999999999,0.727,0.157,0.5344,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,4,0,3,3,8,1,1,1,0,8,1,0,2,0,17,22,4,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,9,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,2,7,4,7,18,0,5,0,1,0,1,9,3,1,2,1,35,11,0,0.6080715476480482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783650135417694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123558257176732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20665648955714616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125171495545506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20497282999771635,0.1448021450460686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18738411582208025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17000718813600355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22278681342838105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902434776685708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22126064161227416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352974932693408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769815403311029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4541195313846842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987589829330165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hoshikitsune991,2020/02/05,"BPD and jobless :( I just need to vent. I am so depressed and feeling so completely hopeless. I’ve managed to screw up every good opportunity from job positions and relationships. I’ve been so reckless lately and I feel like I’ve stopped caring. Went back to drinking and doing drugs when ever I could get the chance. My longing to fit in and feel accepted by coworkers led me to party way too much and ended up losing my job over it. I completely pushed away my ex boyfriend who I loved so much. We’ve been broken up about 10 months now and I’ve continuously tried reaching out to him, sending him gifts, calling him over and over to get him back and make him believe in our love again but he won’t even speak to me at all. He was the love of my life and I feel like he’s never coming back now. I pushed away all of my family and people that care about me. I have 3 weeks to come up with money for my rent and other bills but it’s looking like it won’t happen right now. What’s even more ridiculous is all of this should be putting enough pressure on me to really go out there and try to find a job but I have no motivation and I just feel like giving up. I hate the way I look and act. I hate how I mess up everything and I’m just really sick of living at this point. Every day I wake up feeling sad and no energy at all. It’s like I’m just watching the clock until it’s late enough for me to fall asleep and repeat an awful day all over again. :(",2.016680161943324,3.6407797368421058,3.564736842105265,90.33046558704456,77.28947368421052,6.519028340080973,21.56072874493927,7.321109707123232,0.5403485829959513,1136,30,252,14,26,376,159,304,0.17,0.6679999999999999,0.162,-0.772,5,0,2,0,0,1,22.0,1,0,0,3,27,23,4,1,6,1,13,10,2,4,7,54,40,29,0,3,7,1,6,5,0,3,3,1,1,0,11,24,1,1,9,1,3,11,5,10,0,0,4,10,33,13,45,31,10,61,0,4,3,4,19,24,1,0,29,166,44,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17570129856794334,0.21569779613623508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534766391017164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776576988111258,0.0,0.09547865060710696,0.0,0.1906683420433359,0.0,0.0,0.16109186614169718,0.19607558731000727,0.0,0.0,0.07465581422217528,0.0,0.0,0.12060546256679297,0.0,0.0805353746003725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159891001072294,0.10843564976143252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281732158797715,0.19323049343208729,0.0,0.12351781231289966,0.08458026355500008,0.1575633159246088,0.0,0.08403590488668365,0.0,0.08814781478311848,0.0,0.2836724102640963,0.20039911385858888,0.0,0.0,0.08546151003296099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770458803589163,0.08969813214383605,0.05314081875285286,0.07842722182788665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268580860054868,0.0,0.0,0.18463286752667088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783666612455492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109545221887144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604506393940121,0.2284081212630912,0.0,0.08256627450846074,0.08274862820578108,0.1570406278157704,0.10460772937421796,0.0,0.0,0.2531746553394056,0.0,0.06241504629147165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463447929490236,0.0,0.1374732789295844,0.06933247579243235,0.0721165115680079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482431601829408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839206995596066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399794871663876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980288161979599,0.0,0.0,0.1003889468240945,0.0,0.07985241713665428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781740321035682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696697061670825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843919772365655,0.07500374966861724,0.0,0.0,0.08667970058858293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ZackAttack-,2020/02/05,"1 year agoI began my journey to recovery This time last year I was still mixed up in a toxic relationship which was making everything in my life difficult. I was trapped in a classroom with my SO 4 hours a day, 4 days a week. Every day I would leave and break down immediately for the rest of the night. I was forced to quit playing the sport I love, had to put school on pause for the remainder of the term. I started going to a partial hospitalization program, where the second day I was diagnosed with BPD. Getting that diagnosis was the biggest relief I could have felt, everything made sense. All the insane things I would do and feel now had a reason. I was given a foundation to stand on and build off of. I told my SO about the diagnosis, and was abandoned immediately, I told her on Valentine's day. Since then, I've been in DBT group therapy, individual DBT Therapy, and tried an array of medications that seemed to work for a bit before things would seemingly get worse. My progress so far has been that I moved on (or at least haven't made anything worse between us) from my ex, to the point that I was able to sit through a term in the same classroom, and see her without it absolutely destroying me for the rest of the day. I still see her, it still hurts, but I can handle it and I have been. So props to me and thanks for letting me vent. (((:",5.665547752808987,5.835469906367043,6.29790028089888,79.63201896067416,67.16479400749064,9.67125468164794,30.91970973782772,9.516144504307137,2.5283709737827715,1063,38,219,20,16,348,146,267,0.068,0.877,0.055,-0.0463,0,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,0,3,10,8,1,0,23,0,25,4,0,4,1,28,44,15,0,4,3,1,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,11,10,0,1,5,2,0,4,2,4,0,1,21,4,30,4,39,18,8,46,0,2,2,1,10,17,0,3,22,154,41,5,0.10726223242831084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826767795399316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127225955977752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710257713707922,0.0,0.1350930268510049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564016458671732,0.0,0.0,0.4150515979990223,0.0,0.0,0.1088689080624806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903730570030026,0.0,0.19280075639578534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05423500758523183,0.0,0.102988564095435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208017871682074,0.0,0.060959598548125375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056316926105312,0.0,0.11482643826476455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874330355285296,0.0,0.11357521669785575,0.0,0.10968289989653528,0.07576248688518804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968083525637037,0.20298823563189672,0.07159837305078241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805541461234502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400277802991225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065833899107313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013974798621992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782816961784124,0.0,0.11408658735667344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102834394358876,0.0,0.11515949585811325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085551056747379,0.17094822391463246,0.19529501583003972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887284270820246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592076018843892,0.0,0.25697927212056937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875265248457483,0.2453274215560445,0.0,0.14252052215838631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254547030897181,0.0,0.0,0.20498731941447648,0.0,0.07282401494096902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902325876091705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603929289586906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339696439920136,0.0,0.07808818269483289,0.0,0.21861875702666184,0.2285880372398368,0.0,0.0,0.13814672190680474 bpd,12sushi,2020/02/05,Trying hard not to text someone. Well he doesn't care. Just another tinder guy.,0.8520000000000003,2.9771142000000026,2.0933333333333337,88.96000000000002,107.0,4.666666666666667,18.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.5823333333333336,63,2,11,1,3,20,15,15,0.235,0.642,0.12300000000000001,-0.233,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43136006774193786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4194218098646727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4073235767294753,0.0,0.0,0.3685090720522987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485546919770789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27929501058435274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698733956185871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Starsandlittlefish,2020/02/05,"I can make death happen. A while ago a girl I knew was pregnant I was very jealous (I’ve always wanted a baby) so I thought bad things, she had a miscarriage a week or so later. Someone I work with was a little rude to me so I thought bad of her, her brother just died “unexpectedly”. Am I doing this? Or am I completely insane and delusional? Can BPD make you feel like you cause things?",-0.01263521288838021,2.333567759493672,2.296985040276184,91.3859608745685,92.92405063291142,4.898043728423477,19.84004602991945,6.574015621080383,0.33959746835442983,299,10,63,4,11,101,53,79,0.29600000000000004,0.674,0.03,-0.9722,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,1,4,5,2,0,6,0,9,0,0,3,0,13,17,7,2,1,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,7,1,14,1,3,10,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,2,5,43,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19406289341024666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18216228360388315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36558474686020026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757270808535192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22489522619068872,0.0,0.0,0.22953762103455835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272085208775801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069453894194986,0.15639933042694967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19359374677767527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695519518564164,0.21941933486016335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29226690459644045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854935723297531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908867204507295,0.0,0.0,0.3476023618621053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180635205728642,0.12912703170764128,0.0,0.17560760626855726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15937926009570644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,0pal1te,2020/02/05,"Triggered by anything to do with love/sex I can\`t even watch a sex scene on a show without being filled with feelings of fear, disgust and betrayal. I seem convinced that loyalty between two people is impossible. No matter how much someone says they supposedly love me there will always be someone better for them than me. I will always lack something. If they don\`t cheat on me physically they will do so in their imagination anyway so what\`s the point. There is nothing I want more than to be with someone who truly only wants me but in the culture we live in today where sex is up in our faces constantly, pornography is seen as normal and something everyone does, even while in relationships (I absolutely do not think it is, as someone who used to be addicted to masturbation/watching porn and has now quit) I feel like everyone (including myself) already has ruined their brains and their capacity for true connection through this constant overexposure of sex and the normalisation of hook up culture. We use people, try them out and throw them away. I hate it so much. Is total devotion possible anymore? Was it ever? I know this became rather philosophical but I really needed to rant. Thanks for reading",5.847040450588839,8.27202129493088,6.186321044546857,72.18202124935998,68.76958525345623,9.061853558627751,32.79288274449565,9.586721724236666,3.5455275985663075,979,45,155,23,18,314,139,217,0.109,0.778,0.113,0.2031,0,0,2,0,0,0,28.0,3,0,9,2,13,12,3,1,5,0,19,8,2,4,3,37,33,16,0,7,6,0,2,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,8,12,0,0,6,2,0,2,3,5,0,1,2,5,26,7,33,24,5,21,0,1,2,5,19,13,0,2,7,122,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328224197484714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491775567288564,0.0,0.20346144279341052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124979164296935,0.0,0.0,0.10061016343523596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486798033740934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812968020182827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648340864227024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26424083024800604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699118865392747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16150411808813595,0.11059182977195424,0.0,0.2336507336149811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375773116667398,0.12363739714339192,0.08734308988403625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070715907937295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671912997699802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059730417011135885,0.0,0.1079584644401872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22069016426164065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17975140798286404,0.09065478207594843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978955691119827,0.11731246774881607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298479438401057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952039213064707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155759079351129,0.1378306029731048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003933564113854,0.12229381541032895,0.0,0.07832335425196735,0.0,0.0,0.1312622691337039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722663961914124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130157672771544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4143644788422153,0.18824456602323186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256125386367047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833973906113613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588887639268824,0.0,0.0,0.08300701021091601,0.0,0.11943096795342845,0.0,0.0,0.2111880320688359,0.0,0.0,0.14422509234676234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178549807590164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,EwanWhoseArmy,2020/02/05,"Terrified of relationships NSFW since there are a couple of trigger warnings So to claim my last relationship ended would be an understatement. More fucked up beyond all repair would be more accurate. Basically it ended up with my getting the delusion I was transgender, self harming, suicide attempting, nearly getting committed followed up with a split that made me so resentful that I nearly got physical with my ex (not my finest moment). This was followed by around 18 months of meandering around unable to keep a job and having appalling mental health and ended up being registered disabled for a while since I was too unstable to work Now I am better, I have a decent job and after some very expensive therapy paid for my current employer's health cover I am fine. I have a partner and it's getting serious. He knows I am borderline and is fine with it but honestly I am scared that it will end up like the last one. My mood is still very suspect able to things that happen. I was the victim of crime which has had me in a weird mood, I am really anxious about some medical tests, and I have had a few warning signs like paranoia setting in that I am trying to manage (I may readmit myself to therapy since the amount you can spend resets every year) . I just don't want to blow my life up again. Maybe I shouldn't have relationships but everyone thinks its not healthy to deny yourself that side of your humanity, even if you have a problem with it",8.39899895724713,7.708992883211683,8.450886339937437,69.33277372262772,61.773722627737214,11.624191866527633,37.089676746611055,10.914260884657429,4.118729718456725,1166,48,200,26,14,381,163,274,0.18,0.753,0.067,-0.9828,6,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,3,0,3,13,16,3,1,14,0,32,5,0,2,2,36,46,12,1,6,6,1,0,2,1,5,4,0,0,3,15,13,0,1,3,0,3,2,4,8,0,1,9,0,29,6,36,29,7,32,0,0,0,1,11,14,1,4,17,154,44,6,0.11190735056652296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642345297924248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992425354805959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897295752170664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382335489003185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964667869621077,0.0,0.0,0.07391374962582893,0.0,0.09428676937674883,0.10693226915046454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034565423477274,0.17540091559633586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950253117907597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895930052627552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23790456125716394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22210155569961934,0.09946839501569213,0.0,0.0,0.061501353241309835,0.1824388535736633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904347119867093,0.10934455765637267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588944091258257,0.0,0.0,0.1124259750143152,0.0,0.0,0.11273488244538032,0.11277628848129898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932337956379763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583131692887232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708022107434732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169071432439578,0.0,0.0,0.3604398430548555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203878031223906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674377272717057,0.0,0.0,0.2777127504218401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936935471904306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224084782218018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25595161639025554,0.0,0.0743462711666107,0.07170571162225918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597774524325238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18467056820646902,0.06600585478361091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146988402254135,0.0,0.0,0.1589915421274292,0.0,0.0,0.07206466473823052 bpd,lovekanye69,2020/02/05,"Waking Up I envy people that don’t wake up and immediately feel miserable in the morning. I remember being a kid and waking up in my bed and not having a care in the world. Now I can’t sleep at night because I literally can’t not have crazy intrusive thoughts. Life would be so much easier if I could at least have one safe space, but it’s impossible for me to escape what’s going on in my head. The only way to escape my own thoughts is binge drinking or drugs. I just want to be able to sit in my bed thoughtless so I can at least somewhat relax in peace. I don’t want to wake up and cry anymore.",3.93820866141732,4.095508834645671,5.653218503937008,82.80691437007876,70.88976377952756,8.55472440944882,26.898622047244096,8.472884824447931,1.6235519685039366,470,14,103,7,8,162,80,127,0.10400000000000001,0.741,0.155,0.5659,0,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,5,0,14,9,6,0,0,20,21,9,0,5,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,3,4,1,1,4,2,0,1,6,1,0,1,2,1,13,3,20,14,5,21,0,1,0,0,1,16,0,3,2,74,16,0,0.22391309553706035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220616235291603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649534475317793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282943239255736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17877638681193342,0.0,0.2459580212985019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193495890205474,0.2596681031200244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132171889392816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725497227302301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297994349506503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581564412747655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646018889907172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21012727187245345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172930845237198,0.17029599906645146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523314715738798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536498879941788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22407480289678613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555239730418926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641394902720413,0.17773179294061595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906143868896766,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mudfunnyy,2020/02/05,"I can't trust my brain or my thoughts I am constantly questioning myself now about interpersonal issues because of a very damaging past relationship. My ex constantly made me feel crazy for feeling almost anything and there was a huge power dynamic because I relied on him so much and he fed off it and I was broken down repeatedly and made to feel crazy, started having actual psychotic episodes. Months later I'm with somebody wonderful but I sometimes feel he is deliberately trying to hurt me and make me feel crazy and invalid but I know that's just a constant fear I have now. I know he would never actually want that and he wants the best for me. But we have communication issues and only last night did we really get anything out in the open. That felt good but I hate still having the constant intrusive thoughts that people WANT to hurt me and break me. I feel like if this continues I will destroy what could've been a great relationship and the cycle will just repeat. Am I just meant to be alone?",4.611734293193717,6.779312408376963,5.437352748691101,77.34147414921469,71.5130890052356,8.544633507853401,28.1678664921466,9.188382445141503,2.567128010471205,814,31,145,18,16,265,118,191,0.18899999999999997,0.6809999999999999,0.13,-0.8975,1,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,0,2,9,12,2,1,8,0,16,2,1,3,1,47,40,17,0,5,9,1,7,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,15,1,0,14,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,11,7,25,6,14,25,2,25,0,3,0,0,11,7,0,5,18,97,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.21372783084360086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965634523801374,0.11341716037748616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18023134495589946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351000100556848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149217868059191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224703481172865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4733565536698302,0.0,0.08743314882347816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232268344990554,0.33222291287218125,0.07823246690448511,0.10514475883047396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05721335890233512,0.0,0.0,0.09185003243662634,0.0,0.12073284829717393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811638150595593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23446094748001506,0.0,0.0,0.22859559680150804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036535786639388,0.08926355576668335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535000293465556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20723804888823807,0.07309737477359889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740816242568951,0.0,0.08050090794088226,0.0,0.08445924479225374,0.0,0.0,0.10276574754149427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328569391036637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453768331587304,0.0759189907559023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267391204194444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015356598330298,0.0,0.0,0.2351410086234417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830611495933616,0.0,0.0775102565061735,0.0,0.08745315180984474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387408370651286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434867701368816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035548755466917,0.19377179314576687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187566481741373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777912714815016,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,anonymousladyvotes,2020/02/05,"Anyone else in US can't afford therapy? I think some folks on here are in the UK and this might not apply to them? But here in the US, our healthcare system is terrible and expensive. Our mental healthcare system is even worse. Most private insurance will not cover therapy so you wind up paying out of pocket upwards of $150 per visit. Who has that money? So, you go to those public clinics where you sit in a room for an hour with someone who is not trained in CBT or DBT, getting asked over and over ""how's that make you feel?"" Then, these places have such high turnover rates with staff, you could go through three different counselors in six months time! Having to drudge through all that history and trauma with each new person. It's enough to make your illness even worse",4.313769574944072,6.203897731543624,4.0618959731543605,88.05624440715886,71.68456375838926,6.845861297539152,25.839485458612977,7.492282038375204,1.2614022371364653,618,20,118,7,12,187,109,149,0.10400000000000001,0.8959999999999999,0.0,-0.9437,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,4,6,1,0,9,2,0,0,4,0,11,2,0,3,1,24,19,10,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,9,9,0,0,2,0,3,3,4,2,0,2,0,1,12,0,23,16,5,26,0,0,0,0,17,15,0,4,5,85,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727648277342735,0.17185300330887832,0.0,0.0,0.1567992483803921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391392300704827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523582527944512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011183496165133,0.0,0.0,0.17330367158725846,0.0,0.22156016889513108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480626660521234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876288392002252,0.0,0.19064276734891647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720955756348855,0.0,0.0,0.16517430132945848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22391407261819965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902628840893694,0.17792860144116945,0.0,0.0,0.13387565346517866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619888321376531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645008017587374,0.17523582527944512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421119551055712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836138989259865,0.0,0.0,0.10747073215875387,0.0,0.0,0.09780118167468277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40350251130899184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34185005992977363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,darren2372,2020/02/05,"I feel so sick Recently I have been hallucinating so my GP has doubled my dose of Venlafaxine to 150mg modified release per day (I try my best to stay on a low dose). I'm sure a lot of you are aware one of the very common side effects nausea and I'm struggling. I know no one can do anything about it. I just wanted to tell somebody. And yeah, I posted this already. I still feel sick and want to know I'm not the only one.",0.6022588522588492,2.466290593406594,3.0060805860805893,91.51947496947498,82.62637362637362,5.8026862026862025,22.1990231990232,6.937597516519254,0.5388744810744805,328,11,75,4,9,113,62,91,0.152,0.742,0.106,-0.647,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,2,5,4,0,1,4,1,6,4,0,1,1,14,15,5,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,1,2,11,2,9,14,3,9,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,4,47,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466248744962965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839118121000111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234537161850724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14413145195079544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260047789963777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24564662805675005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19000174373821452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4543243275865397,0.16997290779592514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21403999448463346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22066771478768074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382087705419401,0.17847802919232944,0.0,0.0,0.2336384748853351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21063505913430733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953386074661956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173387204286362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18440123668194686,0.26363835598834695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yomowo,2020/02/05,"Does anyone have any suggestions about coping with BPD? Besides therapy and medication, what do you guys do/use to cope with your BPD? Any apps? Books? Specific activities? Do puzzles or crosswords help maybe?",4.094666666666669,7.350375657142859,4.2164285714285725,75.22273809523813,92.42857142857143,8.04761904761905,28.690476190476193,8.344100000000001,3.4934761904761897,168,8,25,5,6,52,30,35,0.0,0.9,0.1,0.5661,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,12,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437099116595924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767042963153393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6365717244482839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211527151573869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502277126401111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938962607049127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538863174621709,0.0,0.0,0.2545839086558416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890017779500598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303985187977018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,euos,2020/02/05,"Lexapro consequences Super scared. I am 40m, pretty successful at coping, solid career, 2 kids (13 and 7). Was really unhappy in marriage but was too terrified to leave. After another especially bad episode and a close call I went to a doctor and started taking Lexapro. I understand, this is kind of the point of this medicine - it stabilized the mood, removed anxieties. Now, after 4 month I became very confrontational with my wife. Not violent, just don’t cave in to her requests that easily, do what _I_ want. I filed for a divorce, found me an apartment. I think I did the math right and should be well off financially, even while paying her support. What worries me is that sometimes I am concerned that Lexapro is affecting and that now I may not be thinking right and destroying my life. Did anyone went through something like that?",5.022403846153846,7.393053072368424,5.350263157894742,77.52914979757088,70.90789473684211,8.887449392712552,32.744939271255056,9.466822959209583,3.437848582995952,665,32,112,16,13,211,107,152,0.174,0.6729999999999999,0.152,-0.7818,0,0,1,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,0,2,6,12,3,1,7,0,15,2,0,1,0,20,25,8,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,10,8,0,0,4,0,1,3,3,5,1,0,7,0,16,6,14,14,0,19,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,1,8,78,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19340421918007686,0.14109813612685626,0.0,0.0,0.1289666019242919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400192354855266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883365858859874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18878488613431213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218226426494245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022318653259904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19206865584963698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19529815392203506,0.0,0.0,0.1302773109786984,0.09010937099297713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722037785831504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435793833539828,0.0,0.0,0.1876445016237746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815869600222438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150260612740948,0.0,0.0,0.1846592868843678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199297682817896,0.1824185147724068,0.0,0.13054946968408104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20930335382570836,0.0,0.0,0.13867793211226898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363668282857244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19201132203815616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218451744343195,0.1087890642915474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658361091455793,0.34196040205155914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873104823459789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,EmotionalPsych,2020/02/05,"BPD Paid Research Opportunity [Mod Approved] Hello everyone, We are looking for participants from the UK who have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder to take part in our paid research project - participants will be rewarded with Amazon vouchers  :) Please find further information in the picture below and don't hesitate to contact us if you have any questions! Please contact [emotions@hope.ac.uk](mailto:emotions@hope.ac.uk) (reference ""Emotions "") in order to participate. Best regards, Emotions Research Team https://preview.redd.it/tjli3on6x4f41.jpg?width=1275&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=25f9d12b4d22e71c046ac76ee83a2beba59939b8",19.944498069498074,26.452771094594606,11.335559845559844,32.62121621621625,40.75675675675675,12.336679536679535,51.11196911196911,11.491704259439757,8.261191505791505,567,30,41,15,7,143,60,74,0.03,0.731,0.239,0.951,1,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,3,1,0,5,0,3,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,0,0,9,11,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,4,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,4,3,11,6,2,6,0,0,1,0,12,5,0,2,0,29,5,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5305047667690365,0.0,0.11098648586234157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17127587689766813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20555374255781694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565186243925895,0.0,0.0,0.18704957943096476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671722434887446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595146420478198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491684149787481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242031304467584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705293487975564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17673748242398454,0.0,0.0,0.14250622317655148,0.0,0.35830496900058684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828294046013672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271149554912965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19631815448596465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdgal,2020/02/05,"I lost him. I dont want to breathe anymore. I did it. I actually fucked up so bad. I cant even think of anything. Im clutching his red hoodie so bad. And i cant do anything but sob. I dont want to live anymore. I dont see any reason to. Why should a fuck up like me keep living if i just keep hurting the people i love? If i only ever abuse him.. Everytime I close my eyes, I envision m3 stabbing myself with a knife. And i might do it tonight. Nothing's holding me back anymore. I hope my mom doesn't blame herself. She barely held on to life when my grandmother died. I cant imagine the pai she must feel once she sees her little baby dead on the floor. Lifeless. Cold. I hope my siblings help her cope. I hope my ex wont blame himself. This was long overdue anyway. I failed to kill myself once. This time I wont make the same mistake. I hope everyone here gets better. I hope you guys are strong enough to not succumb because me? Im too weak. It's the end of the line for me. If not tonight then someday soon.",-0.6975287356321829,1.459624981481486,1.5185312899106016,97.44166666666668,93.16666666666666,3.905236270753512,20.41123882503193,5.501188778358388,-0.19515753512132816,780,28,178,5,29,260,130,216,0.225,0.596,0.179,-0.8927,0,0,0,0,1,2,31.0,0,1,0,4,11,20,3,0,8,0,17,7,2,2,2,33,37,10,3,13,7,2,1,1,0,5,2,0,0,1,5,4,0,4,4,0,0,0,11,11,0,0,4,6,44,9,14,28,2,17,0,4,4,3,16,7,3,9,11,110,49,1,0.0,0.1183232592207148,0.09745347542135524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791137442840513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29711664226930257,0.0,0.0,0.16436016663333322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678973791787623,0.16676559314642148,0.060876552904438185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832215180438371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364372167463567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35112181570234136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884504227727652,0.10318686060440856,0.0,0.0659596477497594,0.09033327722056787,0.0,0.09542493571158757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05049455865778516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18464648662011748,0.05217514858551077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888168661423988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693715793540238,0.0,0.0,0.4959405645552881,0.0,0.0,0.10690715426402048,0.0,0.21574187935559014,0.0,0.0,0.1775285472779287,0.11048541939904026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705373431002435,0.04878881495579867,0.10009059688625646,0.176364599748315,0.08837705697705446,0.0,0.0,0.10901404295071336,0.0,0.0901317295735488,0.0,0.06666041748280624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594059333130232,0.0,0.11696025031335602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582280799978364,0.0,0.0,0.21270514821645206,0.0,0.07595155289236791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923356186643242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267747437531624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915836475797007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398922398326376,0.0,0.0,0.058231870150141085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780549499892652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011229764808942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheChrispr,2020/02/05,I told my girlfriend I'm the reincarnation of Hitler to get her out of my house and away from me but it's not working Im trying to ruin this current one on purpose I think...This lady I've been seeing kinda just moved into my house with her 4 year old kid after like 2 months of dating without even asking if she could and I have been really overwhelmed and let my brain take control and started talking about really crazy stuff like becoming a famous crack dealer as a dream job and saying I believe I am the reincarnation of Hitler and just go on about how nice a guy Hitler was cus I'm so nice(obviously I don't belive this but when I'm looking for a negative reaction from people I say crazy stuff and Hitler always gets a reaction)... I think it's starting to work she got kinda distant last night hopefully she leaves my house and I can have peace again living alone without having to ever directly confront her and set boundaries about trying to take over my house I'll probably lose her and the kid too but she invaded my house like it was Poland or something I can't just do nothing about it and sleep on the couch every night since her and the kid push me out of bed every night without blankets. I tried putting the heater to 100 a few nights but the room she is in has huge bay windows she just opens and lets the heat out... I'm running out of ideas here guys and gals if I dont deal with this soon I'm going to go from quiet borderline to the more classic in your face hitting you where it hurts most borderline...SEND HELP,3.6468515541264734,5.132836861736337,4.3370618971061115,87.04820806538052,72.66559485530547,7.1125937834941055,25.176982851018227,7.645422480735847,1.2020834941050371,1228,38,248,15,24,392,174,311,0.092,0.802,0.106,0.5311,2,1,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,4,19,10,1,1,15,0,18,3,3,2,1,47,40,25,0,4,15,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,4,5,10,22,0,1,2,1,0,7,8,5,0,1,6,5,34,5,41,30,3,41,0,4,2,0,26,16,0,7,20,159,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076003518451843,0.0,0.0,0.07291661236298226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192383023923668,0.0,0.08233288705896083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678235158063997,0.0,0.0987309414937246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782598280355093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828642719826944,0.06996679900202593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034445702520924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270372501316284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05787992561133709,0.07926790915547045,0.14766700986720008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156791529108303,0.0,0.14940938049723454,0.0,0.07008709303608407,0.0,0.0,0.17353836355430285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05873769575959481,0.0,0.0,0.08703807240756314,0.0,0.505576205060303,0.09381157036491017,0.09892554706358077,0.09465729695620732,0.0,0.08696096184493929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143154911580382,0.0,0.09278934010296032,0.0,0.17921874503754673,0.0,0.1284372981047591,0.0,0.07738041561890349,0.0,0.07358857549151394,0.09803748109159624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994680408825023,0.09313865164299998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32894573736765204,0.0,0.08408500027074726,0.0,0.09195475052767664,0.0,0.059381522451123166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06075280186212985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448181737075614,0.0,0.0,0.08809408420471418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227824953071068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937652451747773,0.0,0.0,0.0698311363605407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248986562990314,0.0,0.08769500813432655,0.0,0.0,0.06746318055009075,0.0,0.0,0.12405236710648244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20063471094508908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177629741116278,0.07043505835372277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230173751472174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373586531886018,0.0,0.1784885599117209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534215572955796,0.0,0.1275938739587674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056431955561312135 bpd,goblinjuices,2020/02/05,"Being obsessed with a man Came here because I don’t know another server where I can just..... post this kinda thing. So when I was 16, I met a guy at a 12 week course, we liked each other and I deffo liked him, anyway weeks past he leads me on and then suddenly drops me for another girl. It passed 3 years since I met him and since then I’ve done the following... • obviously became extremely heartbroken •kept stalking his and hers profiles •lost six stone because I kept comparing myself to his girlfriend (who was skinny at the time) •developed depression, anxiety and an ED Not to mention after their 7 month or so relationship, we became friends again, but after 3 months he suddenly became passive and hostile -ish towards me then he blocked me for absolutely no reason and then recently (after me messaging him tons of times for nearly 2 years) he apologised and said we could meet and talk about it and get it out (that was a month ago and I’m absolutely Certain everything he says is to just shut me up) I mean I put my self through shit because HE decided to lead me on And hurt me TWICE despite being open about what he’s put me through, despite him suffering with depression for 10 years and ACTUALLY being in a mental hospital, and letting me feel sorry for his “shitty life” I’d expect more from him, but I can’t get past it, I’m still checking his snap maps to make sure he’s at his house and no one else’s (that could potentially be a girl) I cry every single day, and I’ve become so embarrassed by what I look like I’ve actually considered self plastic surgery to “fix” the minor things I think puts him off.... I still get suicidal thoughts because without him... what’s the point. don’t know what to do and it’s the first time I’ve opened up, sorry if it was too long and this really doesn’t sum it all up.",5.9552619047619055,5.960009494444448,6.599603174603177,78.28000000000002,66.55555555555556,10.19047619047619,32.14285714285714,9.957137785484203,2.9696190476190485,1438,54,284,30,21,473,200,360,0.154,0.787,0.06,-0.99,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,3,0,1,3,15,14,2,2,12,0,19,3,2,4,4,57,38,30,1,4,8,0,1,3,2,0,1,2,0,6,19,28,1,2,8,0,1,8,8,8,0,4,11,4,43,6,38,20,5,60,0,4,1,0,43,19,1,3,34,182,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.1917594869272396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709443755273791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20605150117547788,0.07516248323137824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395739402906085,0.1085115745384309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237407174386023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689239620919626,0.0,0.10792516846475013,0.06336438834392279,0.0,0.16924854456820793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054587112241074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207690817647062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278151691076083,0.0,0.08830252956616766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049679144940542895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357307005149013,0.0,0.0,0.07590922335770307,0.0,0.15399778735214187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728489112196223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336957444053733,0.10518075913600253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799341937439744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046928956165173,0.06939826755090417,0.14400283955899595,0.0,0.0,0.08694989598259985,0.08250690403994793,0.0,0.107253624633237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558394864621415,0.0,0.0,0.10702519191739646,0.0,0.0,0.09901487020669628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352713399164443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657807332044112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18758523340727806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287986344915047,0.0,0.09409822178358036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963110823963544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294272377151766,0.10101938242871963,0.09701196085602487,0.10548583914226076,0.0,0.0,0.09346011686287674,0.07813390500479983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049964519968693,0.0,0.10085422872322353,0.16255007920583658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21997005850105691,0.0,0.0,0.1569282901064723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747170124631956,0.0,0.09260131293472153,0.0,0.0,0.0789712066285193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054847768171587,0.06295589103851494,0.0,0.07800108425257779,0.1718745303006055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762359747579746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471138678698722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898131297359075 bpd,semigod420,2020/02/05,"Spilling my guts, trigger warning Hey guys. I feel like I'm not progressing. My mind is mush and I'm 28, living at home, unemployed yet again. To be entirely honest it's because I burned out with being a functional ambitious person, after I got ghosted by someone I barely knew. I wanted him to rescue me. And he did for some time, saw the things in me I have always wanted to be. When he left I fell apart again and it's like all the pain I pretended not to have reared it's ugly head. I'm also sober off alcohol and benzos, and it's been hard to not have those band aids, and I don't like the shield I used to wear of being a wild mess anymore, anyways. This comes after I had been pretty badly abused by a previous person for about a year. And I just want to let it out because my family doesn't want to know the details. I started work at a place close by to a public toilet that he raped me in. The worst part was not the beatings or sexual assault. It was being spat at and called a pussy. Also when he used to pretend to hit me and then laugh when I flinched and call me a spastic. I also racked up debt from supporting him financially out of fear. I really at least now know I did nothing to deserve that, but it's still killing me, because he was constantly there and now I am alone. I can't get over it as fast as I'd hoped and crave attention and love, and it's just a roller-coaster of being happy with male attention then getting anxiety and fear attacks when I get close to someone. I don't want to go back on antipsychotics cos I'm scared to gain weight. I feel so empty and if the exterior isn't attractive anymore I don't think I can cope. I feel so shallow saying this, because I have a loving family and a roof over my head. I just need someone to talk to.",2.643634669151912,3.969362945945949,4.279375582479034,87.10608108108109,74.94594594594595,7.3737185461323405,24.920782851817336,7.990435384864732,1.3179170549860202,1390,45,296,21,29,467,190,370,0.145,0.732,0.122,-0.7725,3,1,1,0,2,0,34.0,0,0,0,5,22,22,4,3,18,0,28,11,5,4,1,58,60,33,2,8,10,0,5,3,0,0,2,1,1,4,15,25,2,0,9,3,1,3,10,11,0,0,11,7,39,11,47,41,5,43,0,0,1,3,20,20,0,4,23,199,54,3,0.0,0.11797613854839067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641182604557163,0.0,0.10312621360134236,0.0,0.2388822687242896,0.08285160011610335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617204963743472,0.0,0.19749666793750845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327714126781485,0.0,0.0765644626370126,0.08313817947427868,0.24279184623897135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20334760135675306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857721709767203,0.0,0.10760159419632297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18773460440644585,0.22409160683746812,0.1510392737839946,0.07113401592580675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606625270924235,0.0,0.056588870699447465,0.0,0.07963655492686786,0.0,0.0,0.09859160098133783,0.0,0.1059958867660877,0.08919665215920758,0.0,0.2043785052788102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998784965426372,0.0988971283263952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016129231433693,0.0,0.10944396389592337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818490316677606,0.10181877158008856,0.0,0.14593705491412154,0.0,0.08792360264572581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797346267472235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053899491590276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383112642915188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554169608860123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595126973127476,0.0,0.0,0.1078264078158816,0.0,0.0,0.17388427090608607,0.10403119506233756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130017790615817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378815698092617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918338291286772,0.09968860505657737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531002407533156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047733554733929,0.0,0.07951805867503384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129927431681988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003193099299337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661509884622319,0.06380150110783878,0.0,0.0,0.05806103741572915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17199589408240135,0.0,0.0,0.29364973318200194,0.0,0.0,0.12125146074325302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248935653971132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412088637169268 bpd,curlnellybean,2020/02/05,BPD living with DV I'll make this quick. I have been diagnosed with BPD for some time... just recently was diagnosed with paranoia and PTSD due to the 7-year-long live in domestic violence relationship that I am in. I want OUT but I have NO support system NO resources ( because I dont have children there's no help ) and NOWHERE to go to.... HELP!!! I have been in DBT for some time and it has saved me BUT I know I cannot heal in this environment.. ANY suggestions ??,2.16274154589372,4.376812206521741,3.4031884057971027,88.87031400966184,79.1086956521739,7.567149758454105,25.439613526570053,8.515128840125781,1.7536120772946862,361,14,77,8,9,117,61,92,0.14300000000000002,0.6829999999999999,0.174,0.6353,0,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,11,3,0,1,0,16,16,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,0,9,2,13,13,2,12,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,5,51,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248326750427847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875955553925095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4907341871436438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39547337378250536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283258429475715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107198489049719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26116548149326896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070671582268928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34405662738240866,0.1724082508899229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004286830672088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277324129171784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19235977567973173,0.20916217109463128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22107773659924654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22720047989924705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149090048521291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545673315223105 bpd,madamegeoffrin,2020/02/05,"Trying to master my last trigger Hi all, Quiet borderline here. Been in recovery for a bit. Done DBT, psychotherapy, and support groups. For the most part I’ve been super proud of myself handling and managing triggers throughout my recovery process. I don’t get upset over much anymore, don’t take out certain emotions on myself. The last “trigger” I don’t think I’ve mastered yet is being lied to. I don’t know why but being lied to just sets me off into frustration and rage. I guess I just feel disrespected. There’s been a few incidents recently where I’ve been lied to, have called them out, but I end up internalizing and getting very angry with myself for being hoodwinked. Why do I care? Have tried action opposite emotion and instead of just yelling at a person I try talking it through and explaining why that behavior is unacceptable (that part is a big win). My gut tells me that if I am being lied to just cut em out of my life but I find myself second guessing going to that extreme. I want to be strong in my principles but have a hard time managing my empathetic side. Any advice? What DBT method do you use in tricky interpersonal situations like these? Thanks so much in advance.",4.399403819282725,6.532025796460179,5.287000465766186,78.3432580344667,72.00884955752213,8.120726595249186,29.59385188635305,8.841846274778883,2.5908796460176986,954,40,169,19,19,311,138,226,0.17,0.715,0.115,-0.9401,0,0,1,0,1,0,24.0,0,1,1,7,10,13,3,1,7,0,23,2,1,4,2,36,38,12,0,2,9,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,7,11,0,0,6,0,0,3,4,4,0,1,5,4,25,9,28,28,8,26,0,0,0,0,9,16,0,4,7,119,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350018749946709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394902960820364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701102089104192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15082769947738767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14107003803451024,0.0,0.14085656894499662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141378864129034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108078943739146,0.1223628804140491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698544953083619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626967802935302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443588683200707,0.0,0.07851574435732506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30438302691563823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375828412723512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592547955536899,0.2252268725334005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758181145921516,0.06749475856454322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203117247300956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992132752040624,0.0,0.0,0.12063019453713375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640978669384726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529017715084936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677480796438314,0.0,0.0,0.1038741414239503,0.11104244627257256,0.12075213541398612,0.12719306231922484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852310160424484,0.0,0.0,0.08055834149909953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28139121039314874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932015503549573,0.0,0.1139909994811361,0.08148643751372796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739857862277004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,420humanbeing,2020/02/05,"Something I want to share Hey there, dunno, we all have this gift/curse of feeling emotions more intense so I would like to share some of my thoughts. Not sure if this grammarly correct but I'm working on it since I'm not a native speaker. If someone really gonna read this please express yourself in comments, you know, tell me if this text a piece of shit whether just wrong or maybe you'll like it someway. sooo here we go upside down is when your youth life is adults and feelings often hurts grown-up you see experience as fearful human young ain't nothing wrong I know don't let me feel alone! the time will tell you, though your mission is to go with opened heart through world Guys, I just want to mention that I'm truly happy about this sub, every day I'm here. Like I've never thought there is somebody like me, you know, I was thinking I'm just a fucking weirdo and that's it. Until I discovered my illness. In my country nobody knows about bpd it's like doesn't even exist. All I can find about it in my native tongue is a few negatively wrote sentences in Wikipedia. That's it. I mean nothing more. Not even a fucking article about it. Sooo you ppl helped me to get more knowledge about things and I appreciate it so much. That much that I decided to write in the language I'm afraid the most. Is frightening when you live in a community where ppl don't even have common sense about it. so it's really good to know that there is a space where I can feel more human not just a numb bag of chemicals, cuz we are chemicals, right? So go fighters! we have much more power than we think!",1.560202492211836,4.015737224299067,2.3709890965732114,93.94533099688476,83.29906542056074,5.061993769470405,22.623831775700932,6.42735559955562,0.4277046728971961,1263,44,264,12,36,394,171,321,0.11599999999999999,0.7390000000000001,0.145,0.6168,1,1,1,0,1,0,31.0,5,9,0,2,30,19,3,2,11,0,22,7,2,1,5,56,53,19,0,6,14,0,4,5,0,4,3,1,0,4,22,10,0,0,17,1,0,3,10,9,0,0,4,6,33,10,30,44,14,26,0,1,1,2,29,14,3,8,14,171,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504816786666792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399047616259707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163914653736435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495307689792336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22010721076645956,0.0,0.09359195875713172,0.0,0.0,0.10866018762951607,0.0,0.12499891104608922,0.22466698644225774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152756782745327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053883171216536,0.058036121670688424,0.0,0.18939256087058887,0.0931708915578309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099893292290608,0.0,0.1182495909428255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316335245668267,0.07445638675781205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891631898594646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052407116139828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135895783976642,0.0784609902889604,0.27134696092937977,0.0,0.0980880519450779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159749439209103,0.12100161632342593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449756793251609,0.0,0.08567381990882618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21317367730302247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193543803593855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111275230462432,0.0,0.14232483354070186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486401180953796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851852340068363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402478678086728,0.0918887505129998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412000424336496,0.08551688311894905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046941223653285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19418233751579506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379840449266531,0.14235460710262104,0.1091381806473808,0.17637449838587935,0.06477321086314705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103889929567022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808695225829458,0.0,0.0,0.07890995710153485,0.2429029707524845,0.0,0.0 bpd,tttong,2020/02/05,"I Think I May Have Been Misdiagnosed So, back when I was 18 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder... but as the years have went on I think I was misdiagnosed. I’ve read up a lot on BPD and I found out that BPD and bipolar disorder are commonly mixed up and people can get false diagnosis from the two because of how similar they are. I really really have a strong feeling this is my case and it would make so much more sense and I could finally get the help that I need and want but I just don’t know about to go about it. I’m way to scared to ask my therapist because I don’t want to seem like I want something to be wrong with me but I don’t just want to self diagnose because I hate when people do that. Any advice about how I should go about dealing with this?",2.831128364389233,3.9064210931677015,4.374177018633542,87.59844979296068,74.09316770186335,8.59648033126294,25.217908902691512,9.075114841892004,1.6787635610766043,600,19,137,13,12,201,89,161,0.102,0.775,0.12300000000000001,-0.1509,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,13,5,1,1,5,0,20,4,0,3,0,34,40,16,0,8,5,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,0,1,7,10,0,0,6,1,0,3,3,3,0,1,6,1,20,2,21,29,3,15,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,3,7,95,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285075351060985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245204465147712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709679897873105,0.0,0.0,0.10453872180488934,0.0,0.2486252929521797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424536534800164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854663608839372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016057671918014,0.0,0.27597690410398235,0.0,0.0,0.31162561703305963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874143294813917,0.0,0.0,0.14892880721918206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14906438733132454,0.0,0.0,0.1420586523929193,0.0,0.15452934710319838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422448666711628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112578218853364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471568205984798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641929627770139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155815570379539,0.0,0.0,0.09074903792594677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994038733165027,0.10080671006482847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18850404389338865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598882387100705,0.0,0.17418870759113936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361117023773008,0.0,0.0,0.1237656251332584,0.14182762078951386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046625172651426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785078918658468,0.0,0.17422514689791435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280538195058167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207521265914659,0.10791239600315616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260288969327872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657642381614144,0.14864220632769465,0.0,0.0875486520955859 bpd,SonglinesForSatan,2020/02/05,"Feel lost and want to listen to anyone feeling alone So I’m in a bad place right now and want people to understand I’ll try to reply to who I can, but my friend said when making posts like these you can often get bombarded. I just want people to know that my PM is open if anyones feeling lonely, and ill try to reply to any message I get. I hope you’re all managing.",3.760769230769232,4.012794564102567,5.168358974358976,85.7933076923077,71.30769230769229,7.778461538461538,24.57435897435897,7.554174236665415,1.0422943589743587,288,7,62,3,5,97,54,78,0.142,0.65,0.207,0.5673,0,3,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,5,6,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,19,19,7,0,5,3,0,3,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,7,3,9,17,1,7,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,3,3,34,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161172169392452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190146113453986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918111696555439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422914448148327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165265780522821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121645371028095,0.0,0.21804093589656334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072545029123973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467852867856243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101944691703291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277858769475798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928757472904493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893283686594367,0.0,0.218013748072328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19984635523020275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820141424354535,0.19849114425766845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28334388034110386,0.0,0.0,0.21723084750249502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692335491085271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,saltsukkerspinn96,2020/02/05,"Ooops my mood changed again Last few weeks I've been fine. Very fine. I'm taking my meds as usual, going to work when I'm supposed to and my mood has been quite stable. Then everything turned, like a table being flipped over. Emptiness, sadness, hopelessness.. Everything at once. Feeling like I can't get shit done. My bf is getting tired of me being like this and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to cope with it. I'm afraid he'll leave me, cuz he gets tired of it. I get tired of it. I don't wanna be with myself when things are like that. I'm looking for a good psychiatrist in my city, but I can't really afford and the waiting line for free psychiatrists is about a half year. What can I do to cope with my feelings. They've already been turned back to almost normal, I feel horrible for my behavior instead.",1.2126101249178165,3.453947502958581,2.664566074950692,92.68160913872455,82.84615384615384,5.649046679815911,20.631492439184747,6.937597516519254,0.3794376068376071,644,19,139,8,18,209,101,169,0.09300000000000001,0.779,0.129,0.4504,1,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,2,7,14,1,1,4,0,19,4,1,2,0,18,39,10,0,2,1,0,3,4,1,1,3,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,5,0,1,1,5,4,0,1,4,4,18,9,21,31,1,13,0,2,1,0,3,3,1,1,13,84,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026524422579964,0.0,0.15457664849728936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770930936627447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481811628635633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334573154632033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25178141194167003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21247894004800744,0.10006986876068492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29273438730775364,0.0,0.07960805798052308,0.1174885703504628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153963514658546,0.11418011810352326,0.0,0.14831958627311884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737349914806625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762802773700624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559215280973746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372441169063237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491756921839403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898739291926272,0.0,0.0,0.08973586566833293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437853492588424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531924190289382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305984833907792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4829880785253459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30472354698239257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427322487412834,0.11557684602279965,0.0,0.0,0.1123600086055387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019765340261596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020394252345602 bpd,not-so-simple,2020/02/05,Sleep Deprivation Has anyone else ever reached a level of sleep deprivation so bad that it feels like you’re losing touch with reality?,12.550000000000004,10.405697333333336,11.961666666666664,52.05000000000004,54.83333333333334,14.6,40.66666666666667,13.023866798666859,5.4019666666666675,112,4,17,3,1,37,22,24,0.389,0.491,0.12,-0.8687,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209585421298213,0.32378519694457397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638515709086612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26398222436523583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858452592082046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159781983475433,0.2257545446117513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438442937754987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535295618783558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6324678573836772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,officialkarlmarx,2020/02/05,"Is there any medication to make these thoughts go away? This is probably a stupid question. However, recently, intrusive suicidal thoughts keep popping into my head. I’ll be driving and something just makes me say, “I have to kill myself.” But besides that, life isn’t pretty bad right now. There’s nothing really upsetting me or throwing me off, except for suicidal ideation. So, that leads me to my question, is there a medication (or literally anything close) that’s goal is to suppress thoughts like these? What, in your experience, has made these thoughts go away? (I am also on a waiting list for DBT, and have emailed the nurses at the clinic I’m supposed to go to telling them about this a week ago but there’s been no response)",5.69511111111111,7.443345511111111,5.670555555555558,78.45250000000003,67.96296296296296,8.955555555555557,36.46296296296296,9.3871,3.5856074074074065,584,31,103,12,10,183,91,135,0.11800000000000001,0.84,0.042,-0.8861,1,0,1,0,0,1,22.0,0,1,1,2,9,5,2,1,6,0,11,5,1,4,0,23,24,8,3,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,9,4,0,3,6,0,0,6,2,4,0,0,6,1,11,1,17,17,0,19,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,4,5,69,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266942337863107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429693092807168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719378211204524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761495300393965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685651558003591,0.0,0.1193362589145284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980790398947382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436824152816328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668210427955136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703815147335504,0.1581251428057785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095203069811658,0.06982585009110606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523892520794525,0.1908068610554256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28796344949906394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714022430681114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540592944348887,0.1540971348685174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32021702780175465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915613027046312,0.0,0.14112102212405025,0.0,0.0,0.12205701963578748,0.0,0.11365955743524188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003051297258587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126731218596799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492259673075247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4538653848196829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464567353538314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Astrocytopene,2020/02/05,"If you ever need these words Today, I sent this as my last email for the person I loved the most in my life, my perfectly imperfect pwBPD. I thought maybe this could find refuge here. Dear X, Life is strange. You are one of the sweetest humans I have known. I wish someday you can see what I saw in you. I wish people would see what I saw in you. You were the smartest, and the prettiest girl in my eyes (I know you do not believe me, but you have the prettiest body I have ever seen, I promise). Take one step at a time, do not think too hard about the future or money. One step infront of the other and I promise you will reach where you belong and deserve. It is ok to be confused about life, where you are going, who you are and what you want. Try to be patient with yourself. You will have answers as you go. Do not worry you don’t have any answers. Do not worry that nothing is clear. It will be. Give yourself time. It’s ok, keep walking, slowly. I will be walking right next to you. I will always be there. If you ever need support, I am here. I hope when that time is here, you can put aside your pride and rely on me. You do not need to act tough infront of me, or pretend. I will accept whatever you show me, without any judgement. Don’t be afraid. Shame, guilt, anger, pain, you can show me whatever you really feel and I will still be there, without ever changing my opinion of you. Without ever judging you. Keep walking X. I love you. Astrocytopene",1.4165988700564969,3.5736172644067854,2.6050000000000004,93.90026836158195,81.44067796610169,5.018079096045199,22.375706214689263,6.079149491110277,0.26028587570621475,1123,37,240,8,30,359,144,295,0.086,0.735,0.179,0.9809,0,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,0,27,0,2,17,19,1,4,9,2,40,8,2,0,7,51,66,14,0,11,13,0,2,0,0,8,4,0,0,3,13,7,0,2,9,3,1,10,10,7,0,3,6,8,56,12,23,44,1,33,0,0,6,2,36,9,0,8,14,176,69,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770217996260428,0.0,0.0,0.14335275946010748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875097482114905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707688949901225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150041513743238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415422218103813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.476706761924513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053293976025657636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633471924688444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011103638785892,0.11980377723565208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441870559851966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468709999700378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873707265493853,0.0,0.0,0.05792570212265245,0.08591598502102453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233437961647601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190257261880362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588959748537216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23446079717919896,0.0,0.0,0.112095292768137,0.0,0.0,0.10113522264570404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21426759141812787,0.0,0.11215422891310736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307186921440016,0.09203219731605247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059572431602014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752265997499665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001198531453293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16798210146127027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417347501342066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960794821003835,0.0,0.0,0.07924852907885957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753678533912111,0.0,0.08367672026375167,0.18438073175825356,0.0,0.09990794278772032,0.0,0.0,0.07156044553431486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216831469617708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424121853480553,0.30480877133594986,0.0,0.0,0.21407991856921052,0.0,0.07487393548202896,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,babyscissors,2020/02/05,"DAE feel baited by their SO? For the most part we have a stable 10 year relationship. Last year was super hard, my partner got made redundant and our house got bombed, I couldn't handle the stress and attempted suicide and was in hospital and a psych ward for around a month and ended up taking 4 months off my full time job (on sick leave) and have returned back 3 days a week. We have recently bought a house and gotten back on track kinda. Sometimes when my SO is frustrated he will start fights with me and often says ""I can't do/ don't have the energy to do x,y,z because I have to world full time and you don't"" and its very hard for me to deal with because taking time off work was low key my worst nightmare. I'm a total workaholic and it felt like a major failure. He only ever says it when he is upset and I try to bring it to his attention but he never seems to understand that I find it disrespectful/ degrading. I find myself thinking that he is trying to get a reaction out of me or wants me to raise my voice and yell so that he can feel justified in how he is treating me. Am I fucking crazy? Does anyone else experience this? Thanks",4.521801418439715,4.929307080851069,5.433191489361705,84.01333333333334,69.68085106382978,8.649645390070921,26.30496453900709,8.648137234880735,1.6331900709219855,904,25,190,14,15,297,144,235,0.128,0.807,0.065,-0.9,1,0,0,0,1,1,20.0,3,1,1,3,11,12,3,2,11,0,21,2,0,2,3,40,41,21,1,2,2,0,5,1,1,1,1,4,0,1,9,19,0,0,9,0,1,1,5,8,0,0,9,9,24,4,24,30,7,34,0,1,0,1,19,13,1,5,21,121,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964909709643648,0.13136876392956312,0.0,0.11413622615661714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19717485608342786,0.0,0.15631418837012953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826863967219081,0.13218136335526745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219954266932036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710501542840463,0.0,0.11355813845458085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159754637693812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541633752609038,0.0,0.0,0.1296560921589919,0.0,0.12310401853171316,0.0,0.2343676371748158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853030565284932,0.06698569165896741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20508635097628689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22970626902974306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958798105176761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723103191756496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451022519368372,0.0,0.13575842817033612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263810652459025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131768095044447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046758424625619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888531346430438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751131412169617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388415441762121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659428571412748,0.13765214455347766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20391930658566484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671976135920355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268053503698533,0.0,0.09074940262803027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468668807297203,0.0,0.0,0.14024356516153216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927995498922127,0.0,0.0,0.11804075984836247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082153334364051,0.0,0.0,0.2242850593252907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740956185492478,0.0,0.0,0.13347363888147434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578866448593892,0.07562300039066451,0.0,0.10284426042966884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334016037610343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651291749048138 bpd,Nikaah,2020/02/05,"Over which minor events have you lost your friends? Hi, so I (f25) am making this thread because I had an outburst in front of my FP (f39). It was the first rage she experienced me having, we have been very very very close friends for the last six months. She ""broke"" up with me 3 days after the incident, stating that she doesn't want to be friends with a ""BPD lunatic"" and that I should get help. I am still kind of pissed about it, cause she insulted me very badly and she has bi-polar herself, so I thought she would empathise at least a bit and it was my first rage in front of her ever, but anyway. What I did was bad. &#x200B; So we were about to meet at 7. Quarter to seven, I call her, saying that I will go buy cigarettes so she should wait at the grocery store for me, not at my house like planned. Eventhough she has been at the grocery store a lot of times, she was confused where it was (which I found really dumb of her). Then the call ended abruptly cause she was on the subway. I did not want to make her wait at the wrong meeting point so I called her but she didnt pick up. I called her like 10 times, but she didn't answer the phone (which infuriated me cause we were discussing important things in my opinion.) Anyway, after 10 minutes she finally picked up, claiming that she didn't consider the info important and that she had put away her phone. I was already fuming at this point and told her to go to a spot that I knew she knew where it was. I waited and waited and she finally arrived and I was so mad, I screamed at her in front of all bypassers. I live next to a mall, so there were a l lot of people. I called her a dumbfuck and hit her and pushed her she nearly fell. she was so scared. I don't even know what caused this rage, it was really bad. The situation was just a minor misunderstanding but I leashed out like the freak I am. Lo and behold, the friendship is over. &#x200B; I would like to know if you guys have experienced something like that. I feel like a freak :(",2.9764839901477838,4.416277396551728,3.6285683497536962,91.64536483990149,74.29556650246306,6.552832512315272,23.77124384236453,7.04035,0.6362268472906405,1557,45,343,15,32,491,185,406,0.188,0.733,0.08,-0.9947,0,0,2,0,0,0,62.0,3,3,0,4,20,29,8,2,23,0,42,1,1,8,2,59,63,25,0,7,8,0,1,6,3,5,0,2,0,1,22,18,0,4,9,1,3,8,7,19,0,5,30,5,71,10,44,26,5,53,0,2,0,0,57,26,2,5,24,247,93,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924623843183306,0.0,0.0,0.1815690027709999,0.20362371680439675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787217908484856,0.0,0.20987899164164767,0.0510765212301511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147503530329447,0.0,0.10552832996970543,0.0,0.42778570362596297,0.0,0.0,0.3442943299526051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05403647028651025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421149327657837,0.0,0.0,0.05534132909779554,0.07579124197436424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04236584159651796,0.05985832112408367,0.0,0.18357179899250334,0.0,0.1425404342918402,0.0,0.09186945849856404,0.1942037128257388,0.0,0.043775886729286916,0.0,0.09523755267549544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296351098514916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05616147769963995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668035628150988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725253747232029,0.0920956289436502,0.06829858238118984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456081519722929,0.0,0.07398653334915734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146473992864296,0.142467496732083,0.0,0.0,0.11185857497930253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687895783384824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891097225480766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05808820184120525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841390133032054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423030358192224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735375852982072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663175557293638,0.08388662521334916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418146989146683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645042652935836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691338074175969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0556651702917745,0.0,0.0,0.06651848746101324,0.09771516980154914,0.0,0.0,0.08006323489455283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765362261156288,0.09884092609163576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904149500170084,0.09160926529691316,0.20362371680439675,0.0 bpd,FirePixies,2020/02/05,"My FP is a monster. Long story short, I dated a guy for a year, he broke up with me because I was ""abusive and toxic"" (I did a bunch of shit I wasn't aware of, yes, but he never communicated it to me, I wasn't aware I was hurting him). Then we tried to make it work from then until now. He said he had turned a new leaf and was being honest the entire way. Turns out he was a lying sack of shit who cheated on me when we had a sexually exclusive agreement that he had agreed to, told this girl he's been interested in since November that I fuck dogs, and she said I should go slit my wrists. I also got called a monster, a slut, a bitch, a cow, you know an insult, I was called it. I know we're stigmatized as being the bad guys. But sometimes... Sometimes there's monsters worse than we are.",3.1958791507893314,3.5163811736526966,4.815939031028852,87.57515514425695,72.59281437125749,7.509853021230267,24.762656505171474,7.348242739294969,0.8795077844311376,604,16,139,6,11,205,105,167,0.264,0.634,0.102,-0.9875,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,3,1,0,1,4,13,6,0,14,1,17,5,3,1,1,15,28,11,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,7,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,10,0,0,16,2,22,3,16,9,1,17,0,2,0,2,23,5,4,0,10,89,29,1,0.0,0.18904096083833274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759228027668115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332177974592794,0.0972603537915888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32583729572470593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750163862955198,0.0,0.0,0.0906760860408382,0.0,0.12760691311366132,0.0,0.0,0.3159596713272126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080184653182853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536929371827942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119695381144126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650103330341612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305499164998712,0.15409462928835535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035376559056564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275520853428335,0.1319816186454416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315598561288249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245710483012564,0.0,0.10832414913975283,0.34708972013367123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664356497048404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615448496136965,0.0,0.16259533932659326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274513235181394 bpd,saddestdorito,2020/02/05,"Does DBT really help BPD? Hi, I’ve just recently made an account for reddit just to contribute to this. I find this community to be really comforting to me, as my BPD has worsened lately. I’ve been trying to get a therapist, have called probably about 20 of them, and they’re either full, don’t take my insurance, or the wait is like two months. I just want to know if it’s all worth it? The search for finding a therapist and getting help through DBT, I mean. I’m getting pretty tired, but I don’t want to give up on myself because my self harm tendencies are so uncontrollable now. The only reason why it hasn’t gotten worse is because I have rid myself of every last razor in the household. But the urges are now more intense. I for some reason have flocked to reddit for support and guidance, and I do need answers/experiences. Did DBT really alleviate and change intense reactions to things, or is it simply being mindful, and getting support from friends and family and whatnot?",5.4174181669394414,6.642220962765959,6.3063829787234065,75.60653846153849,68.09574468085107,9.401636661211127,32.01472995090016,9.661875296680813,3.1690330605564654,783,33,138,17,13,259,117,188,0.086,0.765,0.14800000000000002,0.7428,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,0,7,7,0,1,8,0,17,1,0,3,1,31,34,15,0,4,9,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,7,8,0,1,6,0,2,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,14,5,22,28,5,10,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,4,7,93,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559679147412875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32147587888613793,0.0,0.1303183563006832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500925213458906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168460794405352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752871041859842,0.0,0.0,0.12484074491874525,0.12031253333588705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233292017506599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986019730144631,0.0,0.2667130554299023,0.12242855413120073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108733179250546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013880363863166,0.104030580243113,0.14396541222055642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623506317683915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076089894203346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901993221006892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886384175810273,0.0,0.10186824597147244,0.0,0.0,0.0946315665970896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970637903568654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983947280043892,0.13760023974237154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24527757535591466,0.26243742142471954,0.12601328696686273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313964847596366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896523679716551,0.0,0.0,0.09595735254003687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963625627640675,0.08478770368123874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668499470851262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664830729192853,0.0,0.12467008732282027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055186410298646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516079440646335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005974233898507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,emotional-cupcake,2020/02/05,wanting therapist to like you is it a universal thing to actively hope your therapist likes you? i feel like i want my therapist to think ah OP is a cool person or whatever even though it’s really stupid & obviously not how a therapist is thinking.,10.39125,7.710765625,10.978333333333332,59.100000000000016,59.41666666666666,17.1,44.83333333333333,15.247664890283005,7.015508333333332,202,10,36,9,2,70,35,48,0.068,0.626,0.306,0.8722,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,0,3,6,1,0,3,2,3,0,0,1,1,10,9,3,0,3,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,6,5,3,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894942046609293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155137824432714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843008812741386,0.12494208571550748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737061140659039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563285621771552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270797801424946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203958153378694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8122472052209014,0.1161897351505392,0.22412603917956656,0.1718294100178168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20631035465130315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kyliecannoli,2020/02/05,"I’ve never cut myself or even thought about cutting. Am I a rare case? I’ve never attempted suicide either. But don’t get me wrong, I got lots n loooooots of suicide ideation. Everything else on the list I do/have done tho. Just wondering if there are folks out there like me?",0.6762272727272709,3.2011828727272733,1.6803409090909118,95.26051136363638,93.0,4.931818181818182,23.238636363636363,6.6274283507984215,0.7768636363636365,218,9,45,3,8,68,45,55,0.081,0.7090000000000001,0.21,0.8049,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,2,11,8,4,2,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,6,1,4,5,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,3,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26396191780588235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21547556202941406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703667714047031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318196141840477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476287268539205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20629798037196986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260163322311137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21929115042994068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3978780715347339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5642884397769425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20477534840970188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797246546170175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820166232692395,0.0,0.0 bpd,privatekittensoul,2020/02/05,"Agitation DAE feel agitated for almost no reason, or maybe there is a reason but you don’t want to face it so you kinda just lash out at yourself in private? Whether it’s screaming, scratching, jaw grinding, crying, etc... When I feel this way, I don’t sleep either or do much beside feel terrible and sink. I feel agitated and panicked and uncomfortable as hell.",4.115637254901961,6.404983602941176,5.31529411764706,77.14049019607846,73.26470588235293,7.4745098039215705,28.98039215686275,8.344100000000001,2.327139215686275,287,12,50,5,6,95,53,68,0.401,0.5820000000000001,0.017,-0.9872,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,0,4,3,3,2,0,19,9,10,0,1,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,6,5,0,6,9,3,5,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,4,1,34,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559907680884642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808131819519209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28511089236668496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5170456146922198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25682898942920623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18792792346740875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5256896907766603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558288526818592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078559005894504,0.20291849009918145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Giaisbeautiful99,2020/02/05,"BPD rage or trauma? Hi guys, I’m with my fiancé of two years and he tells me that he loves me but rarely shows affection and we never have sex. I was unfaithful about a year ago and felt horribly ashamed and remorseful. I told him it happened and I guess we kind of moved on. Prior to being with my fiancé, I was in a four year, highly physically, emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship. This relationship took place while my mother was dying, so I had very little support. When I get angry at my fiancé, I go off the fucking rails. I feel like destroying him emotionally and then I feel like a horrible human being. I’ve suggested to my fiancé that maybe we should split up but he doesn’t want to split. We fight daily, and I’m exhausted from fighting. I know that he tolerates my blow ups but sometimes I wonder if I need a man who will set boundaries. My fiancé grew up in a small town in Texas and I’m from Torrance, CA. We don’t share the same views and we often fight about what I consider his bigoted attitude. So anyhow, we’re selling our home in Dallas and moving to North Carolina. That’s a huge step for me, commitment wise, and I keep telling him we really need to talk about the condition of our relationship before we move. He doesn’t understand BPD and will often say I’m Bipolar.",2.9825130208333306,5.24337868359375,4.564531250000002,81.33567708333338,76.6171875,8.016666666666666,24.338541666666664,8.841846274778883,1.966630729166667,1037,35,198,24,24,347,151,256,0.184,0.7170000000000001,0.099,-0.9803,0,0,0,0,4,0,27.0,10,0,0,0,8,16,6,1,9,0,13,5,0,1,2,47,36,23,1,5,5,1,3,2,0,3,2,1,1,3,8,23,0,1,6,1,1,7,4,9,0,2,7,5,38,7,26,24,1,34,0,0,1,3,39,17,1,7,11,123,46,0,0.0,0.13824806493234595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034307858893456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992870517680695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939116094014584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109659637736325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625011436631153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799497529103747,0.16671405207207654,0.11203218748151614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078698289749212,0.06096107711206195,0.0,0.06631257784129313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853742476192034,0.11553266806288312,0.10318074218417622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328002518598287,0.11704069183200055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371155381057744,0.0,0.12150544654792045,0.06412490022688293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400901737163488,0.11694515033292753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530927971908972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172218829464809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720407420136152,0.0,0.17303516602925575,0.08999168434414283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190695158299684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474892276285687,0.0,0.0,0.37581561633283006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278952165408262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154006258750605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324083690702735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378387637295073,0.2039689095399955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149382458956916,0.12963703405107035,0.0,0.0,0.11398051429621728,0.12146917633852343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627415607115017,0.06882155642627658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653571343838926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254164758663633 bpd,Ivyroom,2020/02/05,Why am I a monster when I drink? I don't understand what happens. How can I go from being a decent person to being a total rage case? Is that the real me? I don't want to believe I'm some abusive scum bag but maybe I just am. If that's the case how do I deal with it so as to not hurt people in the future.,-0.8354728370221309,0.660804084507042,2.4924748490945703,95.25830985915495,85.61971830985915,4.620523138832998,17.185110663983902,5.288315135182226,-0.664466398390342,234,5,58,1,7,85,50,71,0.10400000000000001,0.838,0.057999999999999996,-0.2232,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,6,0,9,1,0,2,1,12,14,7,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,8,0,7,12,2,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,44,12,0,0.0,0.3319448928786353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31564543244549564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888336196873825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744510555689604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922191430893606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24774538745425076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999180727766605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28145931298744314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19422831511503766,0.24462572003712904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188844763349018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916574112446277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524617676812262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528016654278063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jasminegb,2020/02/05,"Fuck my control problems Is that a BPD thing or am I just an awful fucking person. Either way it's all my fault. It's always my fault. I literally can't last 2 weeks before I fuck something up in some way. I don't know what comes over me but the minute I'm triggered into some kind of thought my mind just goes with it and I get so angry at the other person and I just think they're lying or being shady and then all of a sudden what my mind immediately thought something was it turns out it isn't and then bam more stress on my relationship. I had to leave my new job today because I fucked up my shit so badly that he almost broke up with me from another state. What the hell is wrong with me. God i just want to be able to function normally so badly. I hate that I can't stop myself from just reacting instead of thinking first all the time. Now this reaction has created and awkward, tense situation leading to me having a panic attack and fucking cutting again for the first time in like 8 months. I was doing so well. But my therapist said cutting is at least better than drinking so I guess that's a good thing. Fuck it idk. God I fucking hate myself so much.",2.6446250000000013,4.297517545833337,4.085833333333333,87.1425,75.625,6.466666666666668,24.083333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.9161083333333327,921,29,190,10,20,305,138,240,0.32899999999999996,0.5820000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9975,1,0,3,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,5,15,29,14,3,10,1,16,9,1,4,3,44,37,18,0,3,10,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,17,12,1,2,5,1,0,2,4,24,1,2,6,1,29,5,25,29,9,31,1,1,0,7,5,11,9,6,16,135,46,2,0.09665595843270623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678698044608676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042550036340372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135220000495863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099601064244172,0.0,0.0,0.1614073759384576,0.05892057513240648,0.0,0.08224710157850999,0.0,0.0,0.08548434057058124,0.0,0.0,0.12173479604376372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832605496863225,0.0,0.0,0.1084078762052458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468604195636306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443101773228133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6254981325437078,0.05049874895352256,0.0,0.0,0.08107043212246691,0.0,0.0,0.10647743530273326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19085549641483124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959161244854088,0.0,0.0,0.10065230688804587,0.05311958698292615,0.07878750662157898,0.0,0.10234470396157896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04722121900917678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19518992900110754,0.0,0.07714986386935348,0.0,0.07105325082515519,0.0,0.0,0.0933509269557074,0.0,0.0,0.09470231726092496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340494153113803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16879250941865026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248669854778324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377232687407052,0.0,0.0,0.09194195046127038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992159523477278,0.0,0.10864534700426844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882095796875508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808087092170641,0.11071907381826998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222501749771732,0.12842784784248695,0.1238664707342655,0.0,0.1534680688404853,0.11272173329747735,0.0,0.09161854690963052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513392731762056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057010188553141126,0.15344200167868444,0.07753157965718017,0.0,0.08690531454495971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567811723960986,0.0,0.0 bpd,xannyxx,2020/02/05,Dissociation how often do you guys dissociate a day?,5.573333333333334,9.004341888888893,10.208888888888893,37.900000000000034,74.55555555555556,12.488888888888884,31.222222222222207,11.20814326018867,5.632022222222222,43,2,6,2,1,17,9,9,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5457704715817967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8379347184294151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,plsanswerme18,2020/02/05,"what are some movie scenes/lyrics/etc that hit extra hard for you? there’s this scene in the movie edge of seventeen where the main character is drunk, puking, & crying, and she laments about having to spend the rest of her life with herself. it always makes me tear up because it’s such a relatable scene. are there any scenes or lyrics that make you feel seen? or that you really relate to?",5.5677631578947375,6.468366565789478,4.62221052631579,88.99647368421054,67.55263157894737,8.185263157894736,23.094736842105263,8.238735603445708,0.9551242105263152,313,6,64,4,5,92,59,76,0.162,0.838,0.0,-0.8943,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,0,4,2,0,2,0,8,9,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,7,0,9,7,4,3,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,3,0,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789062919663704,0.36317999648656346,0.0,0.2279418060144782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043297095629029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681922716666063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3738272769380046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16948296204038202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002658666178669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367557645985047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4474860383433648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21473234445668787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DrRush46,2020/02/05,"I wan't abused I have been diagnosed with BPD, DPDR and anxiety by several psychiatrists. I have a new one now who is looking into Bipolar, I have been diagnosed with this, but I don't think I have it. He thinks I dont have BPD because my parents seem nice and I haven't been physically or sexually abused. He also thinks DPDR might actually be epilepsy but I've had a brain scan and it there is no signs of that. I was just wondering if anyone has a diagnosis that usually comes from trauma without actually experiencing trauma?",4.5238235294117635,6.320358588235294,6.6197549019607855,70.31139705882354,70.9607843137255,10.198039215686274,31.37745098039216,10.411451182825502,3.7024862745098046,424,19,76,13,8,149,67,102,0.11599999999999999,0.7929999999999999,0.091,-0.3498,1,0,0,0,2,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,18,4,1,0,0,20,25,8,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,5,3,10,1,7,18,0,5,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,5,3,57,16,0,0.0,0.3798840026079084,0.3128802955136533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820043317180171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263726995628005,0.0,0.0,0.11209299009672108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977239332935033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038115059584998,0.17895979305358073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380934993462322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254240336568543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18788298208152865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462063823590956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700643512459388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482910236714212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863069978453437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17800609459887815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14594086809435267,0.0,0.1811054947020622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081619289051902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17655962099187136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453382339130073,0.17385014870676832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PlasticConcentrate3,2020/02/05,"I can't have platonic friendships with the opposite sex I met a guy and we hung out a couple times, just walking and talking, then exchanged numbers. I texted him and said I'd like to get to know him more than as just friends. He said all we will ever be is friends so I said I can't talk to him anymore. I guess I'm shielding myself from developing more romantic feelings and feeling rejected. I'm used to being alone but it sucks that I have to cut people off like that. I've never been so forward but this has happened in the past, platonic relationships end with me hurt. Anyone else relate?",2.7003514132925908,4.835409806722686,3.899679144385029,86.372192513369,76.98319327731093,6.680213903743317,27.624904507257448,7.686295010490155,1.6963210084033613,473,20,93,7,11,154,82,119,0.131,0.7659999999999999,0.10300000000000001,-0.6592,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,0,0,5,8,2,0,4,0,10,1,0,1,3,21,24,10,0,0,4,0,2,2,2,1,0,3,0,1,4,9,0,0,3,0,1,2,3,4,0,0,5,5,14,4,13,16,3,11,0,2,0,1,16,4,1,1,9,61,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18561380898345486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773419345701816,0.12531204933781215,0.1836280515940988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19829918254200565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497120374034963,0.0,0.15873225174173206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621112036656756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18123406864988206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769237959637646,0.0,0.093633004346562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19742671589126864,0.1774520944079812,0.15848018668785768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19185451908155046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984924700498537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511184717885112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822248835695733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108202601779354,0.12424586369012973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19241099897733047,0.0,0.0,0.5114265932663866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880941912467764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450233681540014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478515071619886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kengarr,2020/02/05,"I have been doing really well and I just wanted to share! Just this time last year I was so confused and lost. I kept doing things that were horrible for me and I couldn’t control my emotions at all; I’d constantly have breakdowns and lash out at my friends. TW: SELF HARM I used to cut and I was very suicidal. It’s been two and a half months since my last big breakdown (heehee days since last BPD incident: 45 and counting!) and I’ve been in a healthy relationship for three months! I still have my moments and insecurities of course but I’ve developed the ability to keep myself in check and self soothe before my feelings get too out of control. I know that at your worst, you might feel like there is no way out. THINGS DO GET BETTER!!!! KEEP WORKING AT IT AND YOU WILL GET TO THE PLACE YOU WANT TO BE SOMEDAY!! If you’re in therapy, keep going (I’ve been in therapy for a year and some months now :) )!! Treat yourself with compassion and appreciate the small victories ❤️❤️ you are not alone. You will get better!",1.6988087774294662,4.106589783251234,2.8894245409762647,90.78163345275415,82.20197044334975,6.449529780564263,22.527765338110164,7.686295010490155,1.0211497536945808,798,27,168,14,22,256,120,203,0.10400000000000001,0.7120000000000001,0.184,0.9583,0,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,6,0,6,8,13,1,2,6,0,20,0,0,3,1,39,36,16,1,4,5,0,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,2,7,17,0,6,3,0,1,1,3,6,1,3,9,2,22,7,22,22,3,30,0,1,0,0,11,14,0,4,15,108,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449347042420365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228341797154028,0.0,0.0,0.21261856937915116,0.0,0.0,0.15139075768571378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989612841271547,0.2696345014109379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752062580432002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521155939860688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155592457742913,0.08587264283791156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286810230171544,0.0,0.2512032422843516,0.0,0.06831381328509324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32052433881302994,0.0,0.0,0.06606011413865867,0.2939430806452664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05872483757291781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121515599933328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275157869974017,0.0,0.0,0.2878333079639501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558595970325725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700475715338415,0.0,0.0,0.12905242956686994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507947075920396,0.0,0.0,0.19886539101717352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959938190314936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314819531066878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27492391795628657,0.0,0.1597143119690279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009100588387712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742031188119542,0.0,0.0,0.10381630918694552,0.0,0.09917959663346164,0.14179701977342055,0.09541109711391604,0.0,0.0,0.1080764238611523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875088035262514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548128529560235 bpd,insane-canine,2020/02/05,"Good and Bad Day at the Same Time Although I haven't processed it properly and am extremely irritated at the thought of it I know it was a win in some way at the end of the day. I thought I was reacting rationally to the guy I like, who stopped messaging me because of said reaction and I finally realized and saw clearly I had not acted rationally. I apologized to him last night over it and decided if he still wanted to be friends that like eachother we can, if he doesn't then I just need to move on and not let it be the end of the world. This part I'm super proud of because I try to be normal but even then sometimes when I think I am being normal I'm not but I caught it and knew I needed to say sorry. I ended up not getting any sleep last night and when I went to school I still had never heard back from him. (Eventually I did and we're cool now, yay) My social anxiety and a sense of dread of facing the day kicked in and I cried in my car for fifteen minutes before I needed to start walking to my first class. It was hard to keep the tears in during my first class but I managed and by my second class I am so lucky my professor is funny that I felt the need to laugh or be entertained more than just cry. But the part I'm not proud of is I am so pissed that with NO sleep, minor to major social anxiety(it fluctuates for me for some reason), and a break down in my car, I was still one of two or three people in each of my classes that carried the load of answering the teacher's questions and giving feedback to their lecture like carrying on a educational conversation. I would even give other people a few seconds head start sometimes and nobody would say ANYTHING, so then I would step in. Although I probably could have stayed silent too. I don't understand yet why I'm so angry by it instead of only proud of myself. Cause I am proud of myself but boy am I mad too haha.",4.640334612105711,4.759614332480819,5.853264066496166,82.11481511082694,69.35805626598466,8.971909633418587,29.335144927536234,8.841846274778883,2.1107569479965904,1488,51,313,24,24,500,197,391,0.115,0.7440000000000001,0.141,0.8717,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,1,8,19,21,2,1,18,3,30,5,5,3,2,67,57,35,0,13,16,0,2,3,1,3,0,4,0,2,15,18,0,2,12,1,0,8,10,4,0,7,16,8,47,17,50,31,9,56,0,0,1,0,22,16,1,8,32,230,62,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378060331695437,0.0,0.07174930378502639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718140501044295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211893227277118,0.07831096213935299,0.11434736241996993,0.0,0.07980861618420736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634844831354517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488390293413626,0.0,0.2060484264307752,0.18146090521431285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492110360997357,0.0,0.0,0.12389518437706125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005337243647446,0.10274266200949896,0.0,0.15955592028306922,0.0,0.0,0.07246213393470646,0.0,0.049001547722228415,0.17994435639916145,0.0,0.07866683295792089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286711809820668,0.0,0.0,0.08401766425926835,0.0,0.09625588081308732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336510596841021,0.0,0.0,0.05154468240242117,0.15290318455952104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959069108405314,0.0,0.1374635727457106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968421949457468,0.0,0.27817720248675243,0.07233684219337239,0.0,0.0,0.1760316394274653,0.18378911219911026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355471776238304,0.07133173061372486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20313145641358052,0.0,0.1300447350032067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011217797862616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506657309627818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643202361664516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921602943766457,0.14917158255248827,0.0,0.09492076568956967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18771601875766966,0.19121474848324269,0.0,0.0,0.1855219606962268,0.1049905343229368,0.13277047899365366,0.09996795413140316,0.22470310469891794,0.07841286968744661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060097021239629435,0.0,0.14891800400929942,0.05468986368941863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367744028085881,0.0,0.09161947057502236,0.09763898413721134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05531993431384041,0.07444635484705238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694452472139026,0.08463113519122292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19987776150569864,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PuroresuDrifter,2020/02/05,"DAE feel like they’ll never find a partner who cares about you as much as you care about them? I’ve been struggling with attachment recently, and it’s makes me think the way I handle relationships is too serious, like I care too much and I’ll respond to their messages as soon as I see them. Every person I seem to care about, they’ll take much longer to respond and they don’t really pick up on the effort i’m putting forward. It’s like I know everything about them, the things they like to do, their passions and what they see for their future but it’s like they don’t know any of these things about me and it makes me feel like I need to not care as much? Everyone says you have to be yourself but it’s who I am, I want to know everything about them and I want them to know I like them. It seems others in relationships will hold back even if they are very interested because they don’t want to show it?",4.4165780141843936,4.797948707446814,4.767872340425535,88.78333333333335,69.90425531914894,8.394326241134753,25.77304964539007,8.344100000000001,1.2667539007092197,719,19,162,10,12,227,91,188,0.016,0.763,0.221,0.986,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,17,1,11,16,0,1,4,0,13,1,0,3,1,30,37,14,0,5,4,0,2,7,1,3,0,1,0,2,14,7,0,1,10,1,0,2,5,2,0,0,1,5,33,14,26,32,4,11,0,0,2,1,30,4,0,3,13,108,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728084470118438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823270271188703,0.0,0.06526634623010362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5458038299634761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071598180023794,0.0,0.0902075933233326,0.1023060044630714,0.1924477582384325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827141784025088,0.152975724154486,0.0,0.0,0.09785624396912293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353623567208493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661487512018155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429345677343337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148228650998622,0.0793879684961202,0.0825757811613588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348576737421024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763074744016217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685891227961522,0.0,0.10571460682259827,0.22989730156729216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514305838385375,0.0,0.0,0.17063523547427215,0.19493745094275955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192846916867416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050019200098328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225958188695087,0.06860347125835484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834053614136211,0.18945063060185527,0.08498388538550691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,expectedjihad,2020/02/05,"I feel like most of my interests aren’t actually my interests but my FP’s. Before I met my FP my interests were pretty typical for a guy my age; football, video games, netflix etc. I’ve gained some new interests since then, but it feels like I’m just doing it to impress her more than anything else. It definitely does make conversation a lot easier, as we share more interests now, but I’m worried that I’m going to completely lose them if we graduate college and move far away. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely enjoy these newfound interests but I still feel guilty about enjoying them. A couple years ago I’d laugh at myself for all of the cutesy anime and shit I watch now. The only thing that’s keeping me from having a full on identity crisis is the fact that I can still enjoy the things I used to before I met her.",5.552560975609758,5.842792060975611,6.707219512195122,76.18534146341466,67.41463414634147,10.462439024390244,30.42439024390244,10.355215969177356,3.041592195121951,654,23,127,16,10,221,106,164,0.12,0.5589999999999999,0.321,0.9906,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,2,2,6,17,1,0,8,0,7,1,1,2,2,21,20,9,0,1,6,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,1,3,3,0,2,2,3,0,0,3,4,23,14,14,17,8,16,0,1,1,0,12,5,1,4,11,82,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.1663177842623035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510783545310506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025163606145108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16012718420606425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900514441301241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786955016462818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885806024081577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491468529671164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237469786504758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900775743780476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585277665148953,0.2435143893347107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904408045766883,0.0,0.09686086264192996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875522346118446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148846410510128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16652967100758376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906706585256809,0.0,0.14489583409314655,0.0,0.0,0.11376518780684725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811430469778469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460501740929062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962179064135945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339138414485555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494677445705414,0.1409837366504569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722156375865117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22645589946825714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719917950097985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308273633259952,0.0,0.0,0.18634146328574305,0.0,0.109753106760407 bpd,lost9999999999,2020/02/05,So lost right now Struggling. I’m so disgusted with myself. I’ve really fucked everything up today. I’ve been abusing my adderall. My husband took them from me so that he could hold them and I wouldn’t run out in a week. Today I found where he hid them and took extra. I hate my fucking self so bad right now. I want to kill myself. Such a fuck up. I want to give up. I’m nothing but a disappointment.,-0.4357142857142868,1.8118882857142893,1.7495238095238117,94.98714285714287,94.71428571428572,4.704761904761905,17.714285714285715,6.42735559955562,-0.07959999999999923,312,9,69,4,12,104,54,84,0.26,0.672,0.068,-0.9273,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,3,1,8,10,6,1,3,0,3,3,0,0,0,11,16,7,1,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,10,0,0,5,0,14,0,9,9,1,16,0,2,0,3,8,8,3,0,5,42,15,0,0.0,0.20395766975074545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372965212739147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374397277805388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547082703705394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18874254933065254,0.0,0.4774217772574874,0.0,0.1651323074125655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995254366048052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904473290414314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187911069360086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16517290647101648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102772477180888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940131211004832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957949039709134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17995803150747958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263370536612697,0.0,0.3825075944664172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20306518263661635,0.0,0.1380802693584777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,irlbby,2020/02/05,Getting diagnosed Heya so this month im going in to see a physiologist or whatever they are called to ask about a diagnosis and i was wonder what to kind of expect when it comes to getting the diagnosis. When i was 17 i saw one and they said i showed alot of signs of bpd and talking to my counsellor she says it would make sense with what im describing. Im 18 so i dont know if im even old enough to be officially diagnosed but i was wondering what the process of getting diagnosed is like,1.5997087378640769,3.647243970873788,4.122145631067962,83.854286407767,80.16504854368931,8.391844660194176,25.83398058252428,9.120678840339163,2.2298784466019423,391,16,85,11,10,137,66,103,0.0,0.965,0.035,0.5023,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,0,5,0,8,3,0,1,0,16,21,10,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,6,5,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,4,10,2,13,14,2,7,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,5,5,55,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202889717915692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778714277906637,0.0,0.14420933964221275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165521553934007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4300296300365234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655178903388835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592603518899153,0.0,0.09327960771561304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22135703685188432,0.0,0.08026299420516739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6102008898066612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706698592705225,0.07761508695432243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899675294283443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427063068234533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272665569968922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819478370457068,0.0,0.09569958947410402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343399466207297,0.11230998825963688,0.0,0.0,0.11254024495102047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351352896995885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30631097644127137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003241531841082,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,stup1dprod1gy,2020/02/05,"Guys, im done. Im done. I cannot take this anymore. Im planning on killing myself in 2025. I chose that year because one piece is finishing that year and i love that anime to death. I will be 26. And tbh, when i finalized my own death in my head, i feel relieved for some reason. Im sorry. I am weak. I can't do this anymore.",-1.9993560606060607,-0.1499273749999972,0.8932828282828318,100.31636363636363,100.52777777777777,3.7292929292929298,17.656565656565657,5.565023196281405,-0.5724055555555556,247,8,61,2,11,85,48,72,0.221,0.687,0.092,-0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,9,3,1,1,0,5,12,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,1,11,2,5,8,3,8,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,5,37,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32310443191544874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930182920550326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33340484059008724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236672085414824,0.0,0.0,0.1784480911333066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129580088302742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718155686741354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7038362796222393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18022380905969507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702287151769122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038470140246867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674874896362069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18235229719142199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247991160572692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20980346434600375 bpd,exoticgluten,2020/02/05,"New here - struggling to keep healthy friendships and relationships. I’ve been intensely isolating as a result. Glad to see a community here - I’m having a very tumultuous time (to put it mildly). I’ve also been avoiding even googling BPD because I was so scared I could even possibly be diagnosed. Questions for those diagnosed BPD and I pray have found success managing their symptoms: - Do you have trouble with stigma around the diagnosis? - What have you found be helpful when you go through a manic episode? - What type of therapy (like DBT?) do you recommend? - Has anyone found local classes/group setting therapy to be encouraging? -Also did you find group setting therapy to help you find support or even to help you make new friends/connections with similar people who could empathize with your recovery/journey to improvement? That’s a good start of questions I think. Thank you so much to anyone who takes time to respond!!",4.846481481481484,8.096957475308646,4.818765432098768,76.54444444444448,76.09876543209877,8.291358024691359,34.308641975308646,8.998388855275968,3.86047901234568,749,41,115,19,18,232,105,162,0.064,0.708,0.22699999999999998,0.9807,0,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,9,1,1,11,11,0,3,6,0,16,3,0,2,0,21,29,9,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,6,0,2,8,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,7,1,14,7,18,17,1,12,1,0,1,0,21,2,0,3,7,75,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18136981092698312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858202595023865,0.0,0.0,0.10094889164784702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691267995979842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856434049161338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18107928129486628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301946022925843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22469633055810725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072887286325503,0.0,0.0,0.3730074891860509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444709877887236,0.0951134557335551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228026289999832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079398163252404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055400880522371854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569451784967876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336109787690055,0.0,0.0,0.21904235678120704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861638559115264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278400043015912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399702202795625,0.25406500995443915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217477736345952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353188882901613,0.0,0.0903640881427516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026418886877444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854895063764638,0.0,0.0,0.12868350950017748,0.0,0.1178646767413399,0.08526171543956501,0.0,0.0,0.1044022943216178,0.3890439146602944,0.0,0.0,0.07266131296338749,0.0,0.0,0.13224739660944804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935658098078999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Idontknow1248,2020/02/05,"Relationship anxiety/numbness Hey guys. This is my first post here,but I wanted to see if anyone would reply. I struggle with relationship anxiety/relationship ocd,but it feels like it’s more than that. I’m every relationship I’ve been in I suddenly disconnect and feel nothing basically overnight and it can lasts for months and months. I’ve been with my partner for five years and we had several breakups because I wanted to go mess around with another guy and kept going back and forth. I wanted to post here to see if anyone has experienced this? I love my boyfriend so much but I feel like I can’t really feel it and sometimes have major anxiety being around him. I have a past of going through extreme jealousy too but not as often. It feels like I can never just feel good in a relationship if it isn’t in the honeymoon phase...hopefully someone here can relate. I feel very alone especially when the world tells you all about feelings in relationships and I have the best guy in the world right in front of me who is a healthy partner and yet I feel like this....I am diagnosed with BPD,OCD,MDD,GAD by the way.",5.2641666666666636,6.480573750000005,5.868592592592595,78.6356666666667,68.44444444444444,9.463703703703702,30.60370370370369,9.725611199111238,2.8372170370370373,894,35,171,20,15,290,121,216,0.069,0.818,0.113,0.9081,0,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,1,0,2,12,9,0,1,8,0,17,2,0,0,2,40,37,17,0,7,7,0,9,4,2,1,1,0,0,5,10,16,0,1,9,0,0,4,4,2,0,2,4,12,20,7,25,31,5,29,0,0,2,1,17,11,0,4,15,111,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257850807839076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373060372594226,0.06838120460785578,0.0,0.0,0.12500365824586296,0.0,0.0,0.1591476798991813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687334817717583,0.0,0.05448979971594108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380668262883814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258044647356616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907264465269661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531283696678379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067731221729973,0.25543383541621484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760329749258714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15240295479424873,0.07497400694597726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26552308115945755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728627554344254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746808995241755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067572255977692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269652395300686,0.0,0.06571010886992851,0.0,0.06894116243318127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576973180994002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853304978465668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712170615015592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057263931256053224,0.0,0.0,0.5758124351011568,0.0,0.07633644973673953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246055344809475,0.0,0.0,0.1009824492443741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573775171527121,0.0,0.08840653835213097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344723919446007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812862836382123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737540616134784,0.158169217580505,0.07095164906907049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349832627892238,0.0,0.0,0.05756262922541797 bpd,8YxiIh16,2020/02/05,"Having trouble finding back into reality after dreaming sometimes I don’t remember 99% of my dreams, usually it’s gone as soon as I realize that I’m awake. A lot of times I can sense that I was dreaming some very moving and dark shit and sometimes I have blurred memory that I was half awake a few times and had multiple sleeping paralysis where I was unable to move (I get this a lot). And then sometimes but very rarely, like right now, I wake up and my brain is just completely smashed. I wake up and for the first few seconds I have no idea who I am and where I’m at. I can hear my brain how it’s scanning through its entire hard drive and puzzling together reality. It’s really just a matter of seconds until I recognize my room but the feeling often is very disturbing and rather long lasting, even if I don’t remember much of the dream itself. It feels as if I’ve just woken up from another life that took place somewhere else or sometime else. It’s absolutely nuts. A few weeks ago it was pretty bad. I woke up next to my girlfriend and was close to crying out of pure disbelief because I just couldn’t make sense of it. That time I could remember a lot of the dream, which was unusual, and it just blew me away that it all was just gone now. Not because it was great, it was again a rather dark and depressing theme, but because it felt like what I thought was real was suddenly taken away from me. For the first half an hour I seriously had no idea how I should get over it and move on. Like, breakfast? Seriously? I’m back from another dimension and now I should have coffee and breakfast? You get the idea haha.. It’s hard to describe. This what it must feel like when they wake up in Inception after spending years in Limbo. Or like [that scene from Rick and Morty](https://youtu.be/szzVlQ653as). Not to sound silly but these experiences really made me wonder once again if maybe we live different lives in another reality while sleeping and sometimes something interrupts the smooth transition. Rambling out. Guess it’s time for coffee and breakfast now. Hello reality, I really didn’t miss you. Sigh.",5.052155384224354,6.3905430810810815,5.539467931881722,80.34429975429974,69.04914004914005,9.151876641531814,30.25069897483691,9.494082108488547,2.7314180970939588,1682,66,318,36,29,540,197,407,0.13699999999999998,0.804,0.059000000000000004,-0.9840000000000001,1,0,1,0,0,0,48.0,1,2,1,2,24,17,1,1,15,1,30,12,8,4,3,77,53,36,0,10,19,0,7,5,1,3,1,2,1,0,32,23,3,0,14,5,1,7,8,8,1,6,23,10,35,8,42,25,9,59,0,2,1,0,8,22,1,14,35,226,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941583357398966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463401300101409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471469821606409,0.12042893258365085,0.06538439548973783,0.14320855529213147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748365526904548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210505893582183,0.0,0.0,0.06252303115045289,0.0,0.0860183008594259,0.0,0.0,0.06744706741617486,0.0,0.0,0.08181580164778987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083354478971335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05172208023806748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660081998704388,0.0,0.0,0.11878551676285876,0.05594366703092411,0.07518851968761865,0.0,0.07157262578442845,0.13321848065093214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273900696730408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863354887310213,0.08626573228253688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029821720939972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825946384469698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711817976337287,0.0,0.0,0.26520257388591234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383194649741214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05531166772527522,0.1912880896087904,0.0,0.1382958261685119,0.069300631342261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997254696649562,0.0,0.07409747424491157,0.05227158693796021,0.0,0.07867149657499423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496888910617957,0.05756581848595142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328206594892099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339608471560933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181580164778987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966798091178089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913231088899615,0.1504994495901623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661250760994292,0.06687510163931773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038263467796274,0.0,0.0,0.15673027217274746,0.0,0.0,0.06028577266940305,0.3872459525081603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062168267402715124,0.18264945693736276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700371657566319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624584034166215,0.19383834526195,0.0,0.0,0.06281442143241403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492231737079038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05042815972385314 bpd,Tlewis9797,2020/02/05,"Obsessing about everything I'm really new to my diagnosis (BPD & Bipolar 2) and I've been trying to keep myself motivated but every 2-4 days i have a day or group of days where i obsess about everything it usually starts with stress about college or paying bills then i just feed into this feeling that my friends are moving away from me and i start thinking about my EX alot to the point where i check social media 20 times an hour to see if she posted or somebody posted about her. I just don't know what to do i keep dissociating and are really scattered about everything and i cant focus on anything but her or my friends hanging out without me last week or the time that 3 years ago or when my best friend said something that made me feel weird, and even about things that could happen tomorrow. I'm just looking for maybe some advice on how others try and get away from this obsessing. Thank you for your time!",5.949537920642892,6.310302386740338,6.147714716223002,80.29385735811151,66.56906077348066,9.233751883475641,29.16172777498744,9.095868883498916,2.2237138121546955,736,23,143,12,11,235,118,181,0.071,0.795,0.134,0.9361,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,2,15,10,0,4,5,0,8,2,0,3,0,34,25,18,0,2,13,1,2,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,10,9,1,2,5,0,3,2,3,5,0,0,3,5,22,5,25,21,3,31,0,0,2,0,12,9,0,9,18,96,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237831040698582,0.1122877125275818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724982604732866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424084535786036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23802635769753835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293519181822747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953984116633044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011378497773414,0.0,0.0,0.2450802516018357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836661288654009,0.0,0.1067272197244984,0.0,0.3415357857743842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809905437007754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936010596114289,0.0,0.0661812616357204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201625722107926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247471009721434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22518504601772646,0.0,0.0,0.06961600746454168,0.1032551636902492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637317126904404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986077899884424,0.0,0.0,0.12725976101852446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463304156677378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234129060264058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974665316902786,0.0,0.2426348771261833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229956059546272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049475293687108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094174779682157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291268733970762,0.0,0.09751883918226943,0.0,0.0,0.17931918921395476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510315887578895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662321038612293,0.0,0.0,0.08415571846342969,0.0811667563794756,0.0,0.0,0.2215916238912647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172004907249441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951209152681032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160920546853693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210797005475935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157307073654077 bpd,throwaway351251,2020/02/05,"I need help but idk what to do Hi friend, I'm a neurotypical..recently my life has turned out for the worse.... a year ago my brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia. It has been a tough year. My girlfriend helped me a lot in hard times but after some time trying to figure what is the problem - she has BPD and can have uncontrollable anger in which she can say horrible things (not against me, but they're scary). I don't know what to do anymore, I've been crying all day and dreading a future where my kids might get that disease or that she might lash out at them or even worse, act on the things she says in her episodes. I don't want to lose my future with her she is lovely and kind..what do I do? I feel like i want to die because this life has taken people dear to my heart hostage, i'm not suicidal and i won't kill myself...i just dread my current existence. I feel like she might harm herself if i leave and i also feel so many good memories with her and I love her so much... I need some help any help. I just can't see her suffer when she's weak like that, she's facing a lot of issues and had a difficult past.",1.9421489361702131,3.524150565957449,3.0018617021276626,94.46875,77.38297872340425,6.231914893617022,21.111702127659573,6.961326702584282,0.2340680851063825,873,22,202,9,20,279,133,235,0.20800000000000002,0.589,0.203,0.40299999999999997,1,0,0,0,0,2,31.0,0,0,1,1,8,20,2,3,10,0,24,8,2,0,1,40,40,17,3,6,10,1,4,3,2,4,4,2,0,1,11,12,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,12,0,0,5,7,37,8,20,31,6,21,0,2,1,2,28,8,0,10,15,131,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360064968491972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346310362563684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947748426440546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590637287398928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124454947726727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719714938890374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837923849651212,0.07537326129860965,0.0,0.0,0.1186233908398106,0.12129547263373988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719335546129874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728313665892914,0.16698784561833074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029560415007812,0.0,0.0610611931447451,0.0,0.0,0.09802732576036603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469503645041657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849478284414812,0.31334938874627066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198479652420352,0.0,0.0,0.12930239235536084,0.12170499425662333,0.06423021218840087,0.0,0.0,0.12375137732008724,0.0,0.0,0.16510137288453136,0.17129438060555285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075072309615424,0.0,0.19872208160174407,0.2109644571089445,0.0,0.0,0.1184906343275024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719505860536048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591492585667669,0.1733193407052654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115682734647868,0.08102485585252127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183144692443067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18588381872299253,0.0,0.0,0.09313245783249227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783982978385156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529013658321555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362988919749781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934893203768521,0.1271240015849743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378691633594959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382066534993077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052445071447454 bpd,nikebufft,2020/02/05,"A positive post Hey, I just read a post about positive posts and I've been feeling good this week, so I've decided to share. This guy I used to have a casual relationship with has a new girlfriend and made an Instagram post hugging her, caption says ""found her"" I was furious for a few minutes, being super jealous but I calmed down. He texted me a few days later because he recently went vegan and he knew I was when we used to see each other. We talked for a bit and he thanked me for the time we had and told me a bit about his plans for the future. I've never had this good and chill of a talk with a person I've slept with and it felt awesome. I don't feel super jealous anymore (just a tiny little bit, and that's probably just cause he's super hot). Plus I've actually dragged myself to the university's library to learn for my upcoming exams. Plus I got admission to a clinical study, which is about overeating. I'm getting paid for controlling my eating behavior how cool is that??! And after the study I will have a faster admission to therapy, which is great because I struggled to get in somewhere. Now all I need to do is pass my exams, I'm confident to say I will probably pass 3/5, which is totally fine with me atm (even though I'm a little stressed about the oral exam on Monday). Wish me luck guys!!!",4.7023264042459125,5.164542518796992,5.905586023883238,80.59158115877932,69.30075187969925,9.567094206103494,30.30871295886776,9.627879704456738,2.6616017691287044,1034,39,210,22,17,347,147,266,0.054000000000000006,0.711,0.235,0.9948,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,3,0,0,5,13,19,3,2,20,1,18,4,1,6,3,42,40,16,0,2,4,0,4,0,1,2,1,2,0,3,10,19,1,1,7,2,2,3,2,5,0,0,14,8,26,14,32,23,8,26,0,0,1,1,23,6,0,1,13,131,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.10928532234568328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106321207556252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653517596351822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3667896640354475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504377596386442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560543087242945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222378111629152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459292838003632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396782244012795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325022726505694,0.0,0.10752721174769284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279039742403253,0.0,0.0,0.11701948867288882,0.0,0.0,0.18786248590420696,0.08956800822187573,0.12346850844637368,0.0,0.22177386591908085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22448523456331065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059669060676272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303858630134629,0.08637298900907997,0.10815988480775103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778466572589427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4290188575098191,0.0,0.24148663693969266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201952409486576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105758425142247,0.1202345095754352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811664249636855,0.0,0.0,0.08924090762993493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828327110117466,0.11707544635173217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002538306122967,0.0,0.10310462591278984,0.1280694309939485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002883830275058,0.0,0.06530181373865712,0.0,0.0,0.10701049720358886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19344545566352625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983099577214082,0.0,0.0,0.1038151272637164,0.0,0.0,0.1287820741187963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Starv2345,2020/02/06,"Having a hard time coping with being ""ignored"". I've come a long way in the past few years and learned to cope with a lot of my insecurities and intrusive thoughts. But something I'm very ashamed of and keep struggling with is not getting responses from my closest friends for a while, especially when they're hanging out with others. I don't wanna be entitled to 24/7 attention it's just wrong and nobody can offer me that, but I can't deny that I keep craving it and it's driving me mad. I keep fantasizing about how much more fun people are having without me and that they'll abandon me after realizing how bad I am in comparison. Recently I've been pushing myself to make more connections to deal with it, it's not going so well, but I'll keep trying as much as I have to cause life's always been very difficult so no point in giving up now. I was wondering if anybody could be so kind to offer any advice since it makes me very depressed to the point where I'm nauseating and my heart hurts. These people mean the world to me, especially my FP who I've often felt is the main reason I wanna keep improving, it makes me so angry that I keep relying on him so much, he doesn't deserve a burden like me who sometimes gets jealous over pretty nonsense and it sometimes feels like I'm so close to losing him as well because of my stupid behavior. Thanks for taking your time to read this and any advice is highly appreciated.",9.351454652532393,6.651007416961138,9.410326855123676,69.59968345111898,61.40282685512367,12.1188457008245,38.42432273262662,10.317481424215053,3.796295877502944,1141,42,216,19,12,379,163,283,0.20199999999999999,0.6609999999999999,0.13699999999999998,-0.9638,0,0,1,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,1,1,17,23,3,3,9,0,20,2,1,7,0,53,44,26,0,4,8,0,3,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,17,17,0,8,9,1,0,5,7,15,2,0,5,3,27,8,36,34,8,30,0,4,0,0,12,14,0,4,12,148,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19653609644945014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367566172523533,0.0,0.0,0.13677125258548464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083965091469483,0.06130167784046476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330490207991223,0.0,0.08662528127434606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029059518216497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036750334362665,0.0866139258844468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0508471820405969,0.07184153167137708,0.09655531546539713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769397205303989,0.0,0.10507901637887193,0.0964682589238692,0.05715171699067417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008382315656306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916648533521955,0.0,0.10624930200866227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765372901158576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5363048970496436,0.0,0.10471987547448393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102993313765983,0.0982590529175765,0.0,0.0,0.08899422875996675,0.0,0.1125031846429988,0.0,0.08549423861557086,0.0,0.0,0.20137780026687194,0.0,0.0,0.10954152739276612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217739804039572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599783291966113,0.13943409417238894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901272387178541,0.0,0.0,0.10230773343307284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058923979766912,0.0,0.0,0.103394511602994,0.09929286906337102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318594732240871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741756085042277,0.19891683072079824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512926423004944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561012866786919,0.0,0.0,0.09258400286906712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983501598309548,0.11727705245056595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827501478286686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489226101779491,0.0,0.0798214556881447,0.0,0.0,0.18083467728845265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693820477463908,0.10905522781743886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994878925148807,0.0,0.06475864787211487 bpd,bluepd-angel,2020/02/06,"Why does my mom love my siblings more than me? I would understand if it had just started recently. I'm kind of garbage and a failure in every way. But it's always been this way. The most obvious proof of this is how much she does for them that she never did for me. From little things like driving them places, like to work and to friends houses etc., while I've always had to walk everywhere, even in heavy rain and freezing cold, to bigger things like how much she helps my brother with school and my sister with her weak made up mental health problems. My sister doesn't want to get up in the morning and go to school so my mom kept her home for an extra hour this morning and is booking a doctor's appointment for her and had all these activities planned to improve her general mood. At one point when I was in high school I literally couldn't go to classes because I would often randomly start crying really hard and couldn't stop and all she did was accuse me of lying and faking so I could skip. Once time she came home and I was crying in the bathroom and she basically just yelled at me and told me I'm supposed to be in class. I literally failed and dropped out of high school because of mental health. The only time she's ever taken ME to any doctor was when I ODed (mildly) and she took me to the hospital. After that she sent me like one link to some self help book and then we never talked about it again, because she obviously doesn't care. I dropped out of high school, I keep constantly quitting jobs after major breakdowns, and she doesn't care. But God forbid my teenage sister doesn't feel like getting up and going to school, better drop everything and do all she can to help her with this extremely serious mental health problem. Fuck this. Why am I even still here?",4.590084985835691,5.77309478470255,4.892437393767708,85.13549461756378,69.9915014164306,7.687660056657224,26.58458923512748,7.9765259561132025,1.4861756147308782,1421,44,281,18,25,448,180,353,0.133,0.777,0.09,-0.9223,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,2,5,16,20,1,0,8,0,25,8,0,3,9,63,49,30,0,9,5,6,3,5,1,2,6,1,2,1,13,26,0,4,3,2,0,8,8,8,0,2,17,5,46,11,45,26,11,52,0,1,0,2,35,20,1,5,24,190,59,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799752862541686,0.0,0.0,0.05230428405642661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065852188781547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802434725160088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796933873989372,0.15683827760727442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311691092256537,0.0,0.06140971904666472,0.0,0.16897324366560434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744985723883728,0.13461624516546464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577964886249921,0.10160218906487764,0.06957328475914745,0.06480351908155219,0.0,0.06912551102269816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03889012351126872,0.0549475099270571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942370939674421,0.07110592568246017,0.08036897545579272,0.0,0.1311363133677979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890000327115277,0.0,0.0,0.245268549504764,0.0,0.0,0.15466187300954318,0.243792181529582,0.15430239974079896,0.0,0.07574498013800487,0.08874864407769513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632546166319291,0.06836486261030318,0.0,0.08009428896247936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18788193124517047,0.07708822056657341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941805589698233,0.07277806260700677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23253422757573206,0.0,0.0,0.18016193037441372,0.0,0.0,0.11308155330495262,0.0,0.11864192387848753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081911098002489,0.10423808612942544,0.05849670442463487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803589541376871,0.0,0.07270876673844302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719297724415398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180770448510692,0.0,0.0,0.04927319712405745,0.0,0.07594347978968946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4670475755905258,0.0,0.0,0.0802382704761886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888051361135184,0.0,0.061423768383665575,0.06430370357944766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061820709339758535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219673521608233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896985608995709,0.0,0.0,0.07349480091566954,0.08545449081107806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007038026772773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045365979747087434,0.12210180175108752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880617946060975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05599444353354351,0.0,0.0,0.10927526207723734,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tefloncoatedbrain,2020/02/06,"Help with understanding and how to act toward someone? I recently had an interaction with someone that I suspect has BPD based on reading and other experiences. It was a normal conversation that out of nowhere turned into them attacking over a perceived slight. It was a misunderstanding on their part and they accused me of meaning something I did not say. I tried backing off and apologizing but the apology was attacked and more insults were hurled at me. Everything I said, no matter how calm, was twisted and taken as an attack and I was attacked back. I had no idea how to react so I just left. I don't know what the right response was to de-escalate. I was soft...apologetic...validating...it didn't matter. I cannot imagine going off in reply would help. I've had this happen a few times with different family members as well and it's frustrating and causes me great anxiety. What am I meant to do?",3.29586928104575,6.0384982470588255,4.821568627450984,77.31594771241829,78.29411764705883,7.777777777777778,28.8562091503268,8.680891452615391,2.7716405228758174,722,33,124,17,18,241,110,170,0.207,0.6809999999999999,0.11199999999999999,-0.945,1,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,3,0,8,9,6,0,8,0,19,0,0,5,0,34,28,16,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,9,14,0,0,8,1,0,2,6,6,1,0,16,2,18,3,21,11,3,18,0,0,0,0,12,12,0,0,4,99,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057557024991106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6290865853756065,0.0,0.21260104122667176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411252511202066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201389140482054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443476535036864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424411282382945,0.1352284184429718,0.13032342615761164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856682080811797,0.0,0.0,0.15241366343822058,0.0,0.0,0.12224804322091652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853230634676752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605979431057046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597487097427713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502016880031268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058741901173947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354490263106991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970396045270684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828065357507735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364985246637254,0.0,0.0,0.1180589741653877,0.1315009814677894,0.10993657550329264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23426610233864045,0.10642640240763457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061074671029911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385808746555087,0.1503689508267945,0.0,0.14391609136262093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429727779424415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820403342783032,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,portsunlight115,2020/02/06,"The glorious paradox. The worst part is that you can't tell family because you don't want them to worry, or they don't take it seriously enough. And you can't tell friends because you've already lost them.",4.4730894308943085,5.840499073170732,4.993658536585368,83.60235772357726,70.46341463414635,8.393495934959349,30.739837398373986,8.841846274778883,2.4083593495934963,166,7,33,3,3,53,29,41,0.3,0.581,0.11900000000000001,-0.7755,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,3,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,8,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,1,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,9,0,0,1,0,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106107124622667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431647316117527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908352200949739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26534620553923544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174641217555157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072593059746512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048061199087916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116314791494352,0.0,0.4920368568692221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601913686356656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858478911192722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,livinginthechaos,2020/02/06,"I wish my family understood The worst part of this is trying to explain to my family what bpd is and how fucking hard it is to function, this is ruining my friendships, relationship, and my own life.",7.653684210526315,7.089772263157894,8.588421052631581,67.32894736842107,63.21052631578947,12.86315789473684,37.42105263157895,12.161744961471696,4.82758947368421,158,7,28,5,2,54,27,38,0.17300000000000001,0.71,0.11800000000000001,-0.3597,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,0,6,8,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,0,4,7,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729266010874667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5582719833367826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737389568341705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26524674055356084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20914363518694654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206465996920179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178997493384901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20103193334642827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404994890919445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mowgs96,2020/02/06,"Olanzapine Hello, I was wondering if anyone has been prescribed Olanzapine before? I saw my mental health community officer today who has recommended to my GP I change from Escitalopram (20mg p/d) to Olanzapine. I have diagnosed BPD with OCD tendencies and wanted some thoughts from fellow BPD sufferers regarding this antipsychotic. Thanks in advance friends!",8.488448275862071,11.757460603448276,9.48227586206897,47.74031034482761,63.6551724137931,13.605517241379314,40.910344827586215,12.340626583579946,7.17348551724138,297,17,36,13,5,101,48,58,0.057,0.807,0.136,0.5707,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,7,10,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,1,6,2,6,6,1,3,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,3,1,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729250102873022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104427262422289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6229569642289987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616213513250237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510146009990906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19107121190213888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628791295096692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492304677861864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22768996311408954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19633663787588315,0.0,0.0,0.23442110926680845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586993672055767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26819731303114136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sayanorainvader,2020/02/06,"Dae switch between extremes with like everything? I feel like I switch between extremes with everything. I am either insanely organized to an obsessive degree or a total slob. Either I am using drugs everyday or completely sober. Overeating or starving myself. I know when people talk about black and white thinking they are normally talking about how we see other people but I feel like that's how I am with everything in my life.",5.072763157894737,8.240373118421054,5.349210526315789,73.63197368421055,74.39473684210526,8.53684210526316,31.86842105263158,9.188382445141503,3.7547157894736847,351,17,50,9,8,111,52,76,0.046,0.86,0.094,0.5267,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,1,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,4,2,0,3,1,20,10,8,0,1,6,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,11,3,10,10,3,4,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,3,5,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186945673422905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24188924112784024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5623809505062185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109309505949732,0.2980224657394712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463137416065558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732784311883665,0.30570831958669475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20436636239862935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892094000966367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662130834782736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353010947294213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365111213367833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801481323118509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pnkindi,2020/02/06,"What do you do when Mania ™ hits? (Sorry for bad English, it’s not my first language) I’m just going through a mania episode and it feels like it’s never gonna end. I’ve been cooking, painting and doing house chores trying to focus on doing things that I actually need to do, but I’m running out of that and I’m scared of doing the same old self harming stuff. It’s horrible to not being able to make it stop. What does everyone else do while being maniac?",1.696198830409358,3.677731157894741,3.680350877192982,87.47690058479536,79.52631578947368,5.906432748538013,22.13450292397661,6.937597516519254,0.6936783625730998,360,11,73,4,9,122,67,95,0.22699999999999998,0.7559999999999999,0.017,-0.9729,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,2,5,1,1,2,0,10,1,0,1,1,14,19,6,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,11,4,1,1,1,1,0,2,3,4,0,1,1,1,3,1,10,14,1,11,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,8,48,14,0,0.23479032163648755,0.0,0.2291214850061377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19604011136818056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054665926881468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961371860912505,0.0,0.20795453551034399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22435221404185104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871704127922796,0.1677342526904312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997125276413049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343675053110127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709165076164997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470669143434835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567243628690822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409404847609253,0.18108477041025908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463729465742284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350660714609009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24493751133331865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628285425052929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962952221027669,0.0,0.0,0.2687787451814814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598425689924192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940721634969007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,captainoatssss,2020/02/06,Does this sub have a chat room? ive searched high and low. someone help lol. im sure its right in front of my face :)),-2.2384615384615363,-0.4516590769230717,-0.801153846153845,112.38365384615385,101.30769230769228,2.6,14.192307692307693,3.1291,-1.934738461538462,88,2,25,0,4,27,25,26,0.07,0.669,0.261,0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,2,0,6,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623182509410487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775139025615924,0.4374427801356308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4472207420557118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535772185070705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.350804152928484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3902160142066633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,IRnotPANTS,2020/02/06,"How do I meet people? So, I just recently had a therapist discuss the possibility of BPD, which I researched and I relate to basically every single symptom. I honestly have so many questions here that it’s overwhelming and I need to prioritize what I need to know first and this is pretty pressing. I moved to a different city in the US to seek a very specific dual diagnosis rehab facility because every treatment in the Midwest just uses the steps. Now that I’m ready to leave the treatment, I have to face the reality that i don’t know anyone. This is a terrible feeling because I don’t think I’ll ever just go meet people. I don’t even know how that works. Sooo please help :( Thank you ❤️",3.8688770053475916,5.671384764705883,5.8906417112299465,74.85061497326204,72.67647058823529,8.768983957219252,30.010695187165776,9.339509955726095,2.9262441176470584,552,24,100,13,11,192,83,136,0.055999999999999994,0.807,0.13699999999999998,0.8591,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,1,0,2,12,4,0,1,10,0,9,3,1,3,1,18,20,7,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,6,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,1,2,14,2,10,19,1,9,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,1,4,69,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090077555047528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21080532002639604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21777063937924207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806512838677396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420361361905128,0.15640451458714788,0.29136364570328915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742710526132624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470748258881763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826717974694953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589609075254635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850759223354947,0.0,0.0,0.18308382108579602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753008214158891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18377305210553235,0.0,0.2564170827958956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23974424420402005,0.0,0.0,0.18980024693559144,0.0,0.19492695434838736,0.0,0.1759088433408092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19369570138654604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707250582416055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971684675671298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591897729531255,0.0,0.2007586541323697,0.0,0.11079198966150088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20798614266113985,0.14933635563518724,0.0,0.1426665967091757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587854362144174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,myvibeiztremendous,2020/02/06,"Does anyone use marijuana to help with symptoms? I think it exacerbated my symptoms but I’m not sure. I stopped smoking tho, as tough as that is.",1.4146428571428549,4.12182975,3.5757142857142874,81.89428571428573,90.78571428571428,5.6571428571428575,28.42857142857143,7.1686216300943375,1.8875428571428567,115,6,22,2,4,39,24,28,0.14400000000000002,0.723,0.133,-0.0885,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,7,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23612390675838985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955188084391501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22634956311831994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28232779538108577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.318273151442736,0.7019879529023767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21638105559948886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916596982367503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,myBPiD,2020/02/06,Could someone be my friend today? I’m having a rough day. My life is filled with uncertainty and I don’t feel capable. I reached out for skills coaching but I feel hopeless and willful. I could use someone to talk to,0.9933333333333324,3.5901423255813967,2.2980232558139555,91.35153100775194,90.86046511627909,4.7271317829457375,25.77131782945737,6.42735559955562,1.0507085271317833,172,8,34,2,6,55,33,43,0.136,0.742,0.122,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,1,0,10,11,3,0,2,1,0,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,6,1,5,7,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4988565734948416,0.0,0.0,0.20147401922970312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159205750946416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413616974170398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22065939964841375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5293959088397903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510976089046889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29612141085911475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26981579233228864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aaliyahjn,2020/02/06,"Anyone else find it difficult to stop obsessing over things? In my class today this girl asked me if I liked the True Crime Obsessed podcast and I said, “No, because they talk too much” which is the STUPIDEST statement EVER because literally the point of a podcast is that people sit there and talk. I feel so freaking dumb and I haven’t been able to let it go for hours. I want to bang my head against the wall to get the thoughts out bc I’m going crazy. I’m tempted to email the whole class to apologize for my ignorance, but I realize that would be ridiculous and even more embarrassing. I’m finding it difficult to focus on studying and getting my homework done and every time the thought comes back I literally scream. I keep trying to tell myself that nobody cares or is even thinking about it, but another part of me feels that they’re probably telling their friends about it and laughing at me. This happens to me a lot and I struggle tremendously with intrusive and obsessive thoughts. My therapist has said that I may have OCD or OCPD, although I can’t say if I agree with that. Anyone else deal with this?",5.335669781931461,6.633859046728977,5.302971962616823,82.45339875389408,68.34579439252336,8.697320872274144,32.9582554517134,9.029198982220553,2.7990315264797507,892,40,169,16,15,278,133,214,0.175,0.731,0.094,-0.9269,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,0,9,17,2,5,9,0,13,1,1,0,2,39,34,17,0,4,6,0,2,1,1,2,0,4,1,1,16,14,0,3,10,0,0,3,3,12,0,0,7,6,24,5,24,23,5,17,0,0,0,0,15,7,1,6,7,115,40,3,0.12729450826344016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347939092685507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17801455984507256,0.26085653336983794,0.0,0.0,0.11900318173081405,0.0,0.0,0.09788161943351616,0.0,0.1551951014649675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978523490882884,0.0,0.0,0.10965294744289468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312350485365059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026647766278596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126764551591344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815364432980456,0.11514517047241515,0.10725111337907127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872785630003047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23268974883664995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834742131665332,0.0,0.13301225336114206,0.0,0.14468880509841428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256611326079073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306408899448127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535944911345515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314520777390215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016725916616712,0.0,0.06218966684354331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822123883088376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357611026747092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784754769003155,0.0,0.08824998415653347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033445553016435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724500978525586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421724550152247,0.1012297021985358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642390877900366,0.0,0.13307585863783766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20462900782375976,0.22252202190962966,0.0,0.0,0.1477987353172213,0.08456881501942377,0.08156518096824722,0.0,0.303172861879857,0.07422645144373062,0.0,0.12066030967756665,0.0,0.0,0.08642461527990085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508159906076177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211977252716512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042636641248274,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,love13hate,2020/02/06,"Moodswings Everything is fine since new year, but now without any reason i am not. Wtf is this?",2.6950000000000003,5.411099611111113,2.342222222222226,94.30000000000004,80.66666666666667,5.822222222222222,25.66666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.141466666666667,75,3,15,1,2,22,17,18,0.0,0.731,0.26899999999999996,0.6713,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29571521183640337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39081818065465296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41998410653094376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4471017019061176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597152116287437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41918314292042014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28003132108148704 bpd,p0styp0sty,2020/02/06,"How do you stop obsessing over lost friends I had 4 really good friends that I would do anything for, I loved them so much but I also hurt them because of my irresponsible behavior and sexual tendencies and just. Not being a good friend. I don't expect them to ever want me back in my life but I'm feeling so lonely rn and I'm constantly thinking about them, it's like these intrusive thoughts and feelings of longing. Just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to let these people go because they were the first wake-up call I had to this disorder and I'm still in the process of reevaluating my life. I feel so lonely and hopeless that I'll ever find friends who give me those feelings of happiness. I feel like a shell of my former self ever since I realized a lot of my personality traits were atypical I feel like I don't know how to be myself or if there was a ""self"" to begin with. Aaa",3.588042620363062,5.072742093922656,5.033358326756119,82.00310773480665,72.8121546961326,8.486345698500395,27.84569850039464,9.04235418022936,2.241519021310181,713,27,143,15,14,239,109,181,0.17300000000000001,0.6559999999999999,0.171,-0.3319,0,4,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,5,2,16,17,0,1,6,0,14,3,0,3,3,38,33,18,0,5,8,0,6,3,4,1,2,0,0,3,8,7,0,1,12,0,0,1,3,6,1,1,7,6,25,11,18,22,2,16,0,5,0,1,17,4,0,5,14,101,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072263113028987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879552590611478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401197425508022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638259351396882,0.0,0.10166354461223183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499524253940916,0.0,0.15061863902452605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614896027072514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350370637049913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158844952590566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33524915483335194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747956154047561,0.17651513150978648,0.0,0.0,0.11291404481811665,0.10508373368979708,0.0,0.0,0.3817892345946175,0.0,0.0,0.11851158385902842,0.07021107850793669,0.20724030822808884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151146922118764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225297186675872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678947878473169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263288289133692,0.1745210283972922,0.18106737054734165,0.0,0.0,0.109329712408096,0.0,0.0,0.13485936703390947,0.10502996262375824,0.11150038720658922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081669614989094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564762922361638,0.10787105348615614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914339413930249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577599764579689,0.0,0.0,0.10219421892720684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865983525424957,0.10328563304288438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915995049624514,0.0,0.09807758839137153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286755934670917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397471791163412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775983334793405,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kyleschwedt,2020/02/06,"Counselor Leaving? Has anybody else had an experience where a counselor got ""burnt out"" and dropped your case? This happened to me about two years ago, she was really great but suddenly I got a call saying that I wouldn't be seeing her again. I got a new counselor and while walking in the hall to her office one day, I saw my former counselor and she looked at me but didn't say anything. I still think about it a lot and I feel like it was all my fault for being too difficult and getting attached. Now I'm scared to really open up to my counselor because I'm scared that if I get attached, the same thing might happen with her. But by not opening up, they might say I'm not making enough progress and switch my counselor again. I'm so scared of talking about bpd with her, especially because she hasn't given me an official diagnosis yet (I just turned 18). She thinks it's probable but I'm scared to ask if I have the official diagnosis yet.",4.0491261398176315,5.42146450531915,4.710972644376903,85.20500000000001,71.5,7.711854103343465,28.854103343465045,8.192908349453996,1.8766933130699093,749,29,151,11,14,240,110,188,0.135,0.8340000000000001,0.031,-0.9666,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,1,13,8,0,4,9,0,12,0,0,1,1,30,34,14,0,3,9,0,1,1,0,3,0,3,0,0,7,11,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,6,0,2,9,7,26,2,18,20,4,24,0,0,3,0,16,9,0,5,14,103,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127932279430748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471013405442613,0.0,0.11895501353077652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513228407989024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16025808403796327,0.0,0.129929313316357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206119815196992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106295185696626,0.0,0.0,0.13147601669992154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446805439879552,0.0,0.0,0.06433787595106359,0.09090241321765104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295841479368398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30530351459740984,0.14028583910377093,0.0,0.0,0.2250411011082584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473194765462804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216449470722546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685205962344142,0.0,0.0,0.10817743477283676,0.0,0.0,0.08493567990010861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26996939603433995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289206688046132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622313905518979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718945795051213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630302276289424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035661841877948,0.509569698940989,0.0,0.10139618406976253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016164114153572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022730906872964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453458461029062,0.16306433264390188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840382788542474,0.12429790627169986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194030989226135 bpd,darlingbabyslut,2020/02/06,"FP finally blocked me I’m not going to get into the details of everything, but I found out my FP was saying very hurtful things about me, my appearance and our relationship and when I confronted them abt it they lied and said they didn’t say those things even though the reason I found out was bc I could see the conversation. Instead of talking abt it w me though they said I was insane and blocked me off everything. I completely lost it bc at the time I couldn’t express how much they had hurt me and how much I wanted to just simply tell them that what they were saying really hurt my feelings and ask them why they’d say the things they were saying. I’m not trying to get back into my FP life at all, it’s clear they can’t stand me and no longer trust me, and that’s fine, I do deserve it all to some extent, but I’m having a really hard time moving on from this left over feeling of wanting to talk to them abt how much they hurt me. No one has ever understood me like they did and they were in my life for so long and they were with me through some major life events, so I just really feel unable to properly cope w this loss the way I know I should and need to.",5.718056514913659,4.756697967346941,6.160816326530613,84.45962323390897,67.28571428571429,9.660910518053377,27.825745682888538,8.841846274778883,1.7179952904238625,922,22,206,13,13,299,124,245,0.177,0.7659999999999999,0.057,-0.9856,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,16,2,15,10,1,0,7,0,18,3,0,4,4,48,40,21,0,6,6,0,4,1,0,1,3,7,0,0,14,16,0,2,8,0,0,3,7,7,0,1,16,12,44,3,26,20,9,24,0,6,1,0,31,11,0,3,9,147,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630818073289098,0.0,0.0,0.0792146945798022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801270139200328,0.0,0.0,0.08225170995925538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804259908630557,0.09318592769612874,0.0,0.0,0.1851723659280633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562674056641311,0.0,0.0,0.11285148483085795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22590844256188214,0.0,0.0,0.10764559358900706,0.0,0.058547659771671236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228413959920886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4411327764903719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056616149810391585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192965727625748,0.0,0.21829456285417584,0.050329525538520895,0.0,0.0,0.09116793162891378,0.0,0.0,0.11245661661829813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949212298127768,0.2271908568034607,0.07638674561454778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698078493121769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197988434804603,0.10591994442753133,0.0,0.11060307389746317,0.0,0.0,0.19598794105262984,0.4096213358784886,0.0,0.0,0.08209222739897096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656043744549721,0.09004251311362964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20532229313869232,0.0,0.20242986438125699,0.0,0.1201415692728986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994264646616627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500086586814193,0.12152569547955132,0.08177111163382213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295796977080052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,csmiley17,2020/02/06,"10 years since my suicide attempt and BPD diagnosis Ten years of my trying to figure out who I am and how to help myself and how to be happy. It all feels like a farce. I’m no closer to figuring things out than I was back then. Sure, there were some better periods of time, like when I did yoga for a couple years, spent a summer camping as much as possible, my festival phase, etc. LOL! Those were not hobbies and not my personality—just desperate attempts to smother my BPD, anxiety, and depression-related despair. All the “good times” were me faking it and being a fake. I really don’t have the energy to try anymore. I don’t want to try. I just wish I wasn’t alive anymore.",3.16258585858586,4.828685622222224,5.104511784511782,80.32484848484847,74.25925925925927,8.464646464646465,26.346801346801357,9.095868883498916,2.227518518518519,529,19,103,12,11,182,89,135,0.142,0.618,0.239,0.9199,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,3,6,11,1,0,6,1,12,0,0,2,3,22,17,12,1,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,3,1,1,0,6,4,0,1,7,1,14,7,15,8,5,13,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,12,74,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920493346263404,0.0,0.3349987818552426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987055419545745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493747356559265,0.0,0.0,0.4254370533314553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868801475460804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883636211326154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539886311052226,0.120659294824948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166190306874454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797928710348731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320738985509482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502805215002975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415795090258168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19040479770193908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819906537442334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397124686759161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18474474780058672,0.0,0.15918242668289573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220695915933064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19696916419547272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440077743141625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961920262798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19422199821321806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262903478370421 bpd,wakeful_covering,2020/02/06,"Anyone else “borrow” personalities? I feel like my whole personality is just made up a collection of traits from previous FPs/ relationships/ friends. Whenever I get a new FP or best friend or BF, my personality seems permanently altered after being friends with them. I’ll notice mannerisms or outlooks that I think are nice and instantly start mimicking them, without even realising. Looking back on my past, I seem like an entirely different person two years ago. I feel like an amalgamation of my past.",8.246085271317831,10.23518531395349,8.934883720930234,56.533178294573666,62.139534883720934,12.710077519379844,38.75193798449613,12.161744961471696,5.782231007751937,411,21,60,15,6,138,66,86,0.0,0.745,0.255,0.9716,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,1,3,8,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,13,12,4,0,0,5,0,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,11,8,8,10,2,10,0,0,1,0,11,2,0,5,11,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113054920004885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343572463881363,0.15157122304692716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374863094049968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15524285176667152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455481049408548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357608991165972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770601947979993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14959516917248702,0.21136168520429727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428698236515058,0.0,0.07728704227466049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21681259984374332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422349743062308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997444087039693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428712034954527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841868154928755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28243083450215656,0.0,0.5166652276115549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588208892350534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26933886646669897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470523993423343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478723095559366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450559675488855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515796988341214,0.0,0.14259872976796625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526172833015488 bpd,annusjenka,2020/02/06,"That moment when the knot unties And I get to turn inward, and it's like there's finally space to see what's really happening inside myself. My eyes and thoughts are so glued to what happens outside, to what I think of people, what they mean to me, how much I need them and in what way; and suddenly that all dissappears into the background and I get to experience my feelings again. My real feelings. Some kind of tremendous guilt and shame that's grown so deep into my core that it's practically become invisible to me. I realize that's the feeling I'm trying to escape from, trying to cover up with the search for safety and recognition by clasping onto others. These rare moments where everything seems in place and I start feeling alive again, in the real sense of the word. And then panic overtakes, and my head gets clouded up by thoughts I know don't matter. That's really painful. I really hope I get to talk with myself some more. It feels like there's this ocean of emotions inside, waiting to been seen, to be recognized - but not by somebody else - by me, with compassion and understanding. And for me, that's the whole tragedy my bpd tries to mask with it's cheap tricks. I don't even know what this is whaha, guess it's a rant.",4.553946519133241,6.069909265560162,5.1038658367911465,82.31747694790229,70.45228215767635,8.011157215306595,26.666897187644075,8.515128840125781,1.8331242969110195,987,32,187,16,18,316,134,241,0.08900000000000001,0.838,0.073,-0.6864,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,2,1,10,9,1,3,8,0,6,3,2,1,1,47,34,19,0,2,2,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,22,19,0,1,14,0,1,1,3,5,0,0,4,8,24,4,36,29,6,23,0,0,3,0,3,12,0,5,11,128,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448481907734461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651826196171803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956150718677007,0.14752947884937828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866253234187884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787186484745177,0.1282928059927157,0.0,0.0,0.3315745022785977,0.0936957335722172,0.0,0.14367170718102482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740881296267805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444798222449179,0.0,0.23195633983612984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460082162705628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026452768239666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365756732060628,0.14415652411604649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12814946771091254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428640721725527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641254994501608,0.09724829199096063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955604518004094,0.15387979385049608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092498054064092,0.0,0.13702697660043006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29856166736853484,0.2520599217024949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045119652114496,0.11939677074733003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283077256893063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541581810045314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403755041108044,0.0,0.2082416733958933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671328455522083,0.14265680881186682,0.0,0.13653490443061725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410315135976816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464276472679244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,midnightevanescence,2020/02/06,"TFW You get FP feels... When you wake up a few minutes after they messaged you, and there message is basically an apology for being distant because mental health is a struggle and they still love you. They even gave me a head's up that they were going to be busy this weekend and it just felt really nice to be seen and to feel thought of. I know FPs are generally understood to be unhealthy codependent relationships but I work really hard to respect their boundaries even when my anxiety is killing me and it feels good to be reminded that in cherished without having a meltdown.",6.5352555701179575,7.490750651376146,6.721389252948885,74.60798165137615,65.42201834862385,9.89829619921363,36.672346002621225,9.957137785484203,3.81056120576671,467,23,81,10,7,150,77,109,0.114,0.736,0.15,0.6759999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,5,1,7,7,1,1,5,0,11,4,2,0,0,16,23,8,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,7,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,6,6,14,5,13,12,1,9,0,0,1,1,15,3,0,0,5,62,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702924251885996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569810878415936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29405736785924824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376677449776908,0.0,0.21373597205301134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630206788647107,0.0,0.12651170706265286,0.1867107422595861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19941060122702167,0.0,0.22845723258078865,0.2366189965978416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462797537864763,0.0,0.12233803687048846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20090995072889845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243337587094718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852132771087881,0.0,0.0,0.23899475640382856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777285923793756,0.0,0.0,0.23271536500214865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767237221769501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145835402920574,0.0,0.16205929057003962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,winding_stars,2020/02/06,"Got Sidelined while Dmming someone So I've had a pretty rotten week. It's been a year since my grandpa died today and that's just been a mess. But to the BPD part. Had a pretty bad day yesterday. I was talking with a friend who also happens to have BPD. And he kept taking a while to respond even though he was online. So my brain jumped to he was in a gc and I got really upset. And it was a little thing I know I just being sidelined like that hurt so much. And it just was one more thing to deal with. And my BPD spiraled out of control. It was all internal, but I wish he understood that it hurt or even notice that I'm not talking to him. I dunno I fucking hate this disorder. I just want to be able to handle being alone without breaking down",-0.015000000000000568,2.2642121337579653,2.127550955414012,93.7908168789809,90.08280254777071,4.413885350318472,18.678025477707006,5.985473137389443,-0.12451821656050965,583,17,124,5,20,195,91,157,0.182,0.737,0.081,-0.9556,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,11,10,2,1,9,0,14,2,1,1,1,26,26,16,1,2,9,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,13,9,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,8,0,1,14,1,12,2,15,9,4,13,0,2,0,1,12,4,1,2,8,91,25,0,0.13180975467359227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651515409972226,0.0,0.10540821319091903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005563945531872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.498029315376549,0.14714327831884252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478358478773664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850063874155298,0.13589006932156816,0.0,0.0,0.1367977152747095,0.0,0.15106539831754276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411819966900927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183588949258383,0.12185599424164575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21084060372543045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655893074945795,0.0,0.0,0.13013484408237544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28221013706453874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243919404572194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439558816563787,0.13210800184795626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689533590984332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006627932505653,0.0,0.0,0.08931770103008924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273711954467574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26819581393044484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444070402556755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903439115041696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168197739611356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910453158817366,0.21188737588373194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17513708820301316,0.0,0.12950241473212631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494023532048575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774480837947008,0.0,0.1057298345573176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157471286488056,0.12705989986327856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488116045723282 bpd,Asc0sm0sc0ll1d3,2020/02/06,"A few questions So I know this sub hates when people ask this but.. I have an ex that I think is BPD, not sure but any time I check this site, it sounds like her. She broke up with me after catching feelings for someone else, and it was a really nasty break up, mostly after my mental break down and her never being ""ready"" to talk. Every few months are so, either one of us reaches out. She currently has a boyfriend but has asked me to hang out when she was with him. Any advice on how to communicate with this girl? She felt unappreciated by me,which I get, but I am in a better place in life with a better work life balance and would like to be her friend at least.",3.9553446877534486,4.444432839416058,4.730608272506085,88.25889699918898,70.97080291970805,7.256772100567722,22.52149229521493,6.937597516519254,0.43694387672343815,517,10,115,4,9,167,92,137,0.107,0.7609999999999999,0.132,0.5831,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,3,5,8,1,0,6,0,11,2,0,1,2,25,19,12,0,1,6,1,2,2,1,1,2,1,0,1,7,9,0,0,5,0,1,2,2,2,0,1,3,3,18,6,22,13,5,23,0,1,0,0,16,11,0,2,10,84,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17803448549108228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24779162732877966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406471189030146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222654512442581,0.0,0.0,0.22946260518193815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15219681662029486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15350338638156374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212101040785066,0.0,0.17493148811706966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075995799356056,0.0,0.09518703665579907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798754376065788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012715518830677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25737313051563104,0.17801818848601342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836052109946676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542274951961556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405165748734469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345702392074985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630797937050325,0.0,0.1903503353065172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040950992263845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671592412860644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436945192156004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17171242626759464,0.0,0.0,0.1464378534786201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674034044940973,0.0,0.0,0.10623676805506024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21915278511744388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326368818047266,0.0,0.0,0.12942293114884207,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,user84340,2020/02/06,"What if I am actually not loveable? If you google something like ""Why I feel being unloveable?"", the answers you get basically boils down to: ""You are not being unloveable, you just interprering it wrong"". But what if I am actually unloveable?",5.239285714285714,8.120682214285718,5.92404761904762,71.29178571428572,72.09523809523809,8.009523809523811,34.3095238095238,8.841846274778883,3.475838095238096,191,10,30,4,4,62,28,42,0.0,0.9259999999999999,0.07400000000000001,0.466,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,4,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,9,7,4,0,3,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,7,1,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,3,1,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.7284344056454642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887155571680804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19499650056103554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823406054571856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28732955385446163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367806930169733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4080668031314729,0.0,0.0 bpd,iiMS0Raw,2020/02/06,"What does fear of abandonment make you do? I'm feeling pretty shit about my fear of being abandoned and I feel alone in having this feeling. I do everything, literally anything to make them not leave and sometimes... It makes them leave. What does it make you do? Maybe if I hear some of your stories I can feel better. What kind of persons trigger your fear of abandonment?",3.4865714285714304,6.103837942857144,3.649999999999999,86.70500000000001,76.71428571428572,6.285714285714287,27.142857142857146,7.447530270364453,1.6035714285714286,296,12,54,4,7,91,44,70,0.29,0.58,0.13,-0.9527,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,4,2,1,1,9,1,3,0,0,6,1,1,5,0,17,16,3,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,5,11,2,8,15,1,1,0,3,0,0,8,1,1,2,0,36,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235013298071935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899539506850738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863639954471255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743534088014219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088061630976814,0.0,0.0,0.5291763495346513,0.3170386439143425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667343729575896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323543399515136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319602438293995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185387281972892,0.0,0.1574807177796025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687176867555936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594754309278862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090598955409624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503396582801166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lilnilbog,2020/02/06,"Having a weird reaction to my diagnosis. I just got diagnosed with BPD yesterday after believing that I had it for an insanely long time and being repeatedly shot down by previous therapists. I finally decided to see someone who specializes in BPD, thinking that I was going to put it to bed once and for all, but nope. Turns out I definitely do meet the criteria. I thought I'd feel relieved and validated, but my reaction instead has been to not believe it? After YEARS of being convinced and relating to nearly everything I read about BPD, all of a sudden I don't think it's true. I'm not sure if I'm afraid and panicking, I'm not sure if I internalized other therapists refusal to go down that road, idk. Has anybody experienced anything like this? I thought I'd feel better knowing that I finally can get the help that I need, but I'm actually insanely depressed and scared.",6.803532934131737,7.249628065868263,8.234377245508982,65.77072754491019,64.74850299401197,12.668023952095805,39.454491017964074,12.161744961471696,5.395922634730539,705,38,121,25,10,245,103,167,0.149,0.738,0.113,-0.6464,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,3,12,0,2,5,0,11,1,0,0,5,32,29,11,0,3,9,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,12,8,0,1,8,1,0,3,5,4,0,0,6,4,14,8,21,21,2,19,0,1,1,0,4,6,0,2,11,82,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.13129511107473604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071788995252596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031690485231747,0.0,0.11899284947384375,0.0,0.0,0.508358729727971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158821751893397,0.13655888612359368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209190805977616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360585378608446,0.0,0.0,0.2947717975400457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029345951241836,0.0,0.15292841683496836,0.0,0.1076067795365619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090181715409915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394162458038954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573118968954311,0.0,0.0,0.11906682098397425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976234848297504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14328450545503846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525344377760828,0.0,0.0,0.1345799741712105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347015796512233,0.0,0.10721380170907624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399832582078084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536114350794832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124308972888309,0.0,0.17242016734947024,0.0,0.2136251235335837,0.07845343458912689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634476331452145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664164452899753 bpd,alooiz,2020/02/06,"Do I have BPD? Just for context, i am f17. New to this sub and came to hear peoples opinions on what they think I might have. For a long time now I and people I'm close to have thought that I display symptoms of bpd. These include: Drastic mood swings (extreme lows to extreme highs). During my lows, I get extremely agitated and angry and during the highs I display a lot of irresponsible and reckless behavior. Also, paranoid thinking, having breakdowns that are 'manic'; which include threats of suicide and self harm (been self harming on and off since i was around 12 but recently become worse, and including punching myself in the head as opposed to just cutting). I was diagnosed with depression just over a year ago after feeling this way for around 4 years (??), and was prescribed 20mg of fluoxetine, which has just gotten bumped up to 40mg, however I am unable to go any higher at the moment due to my age. Sorry if this isn't the right place to post, I am just in need of opinions. Thank you!",7.579315789473686,6.996932510526317,7.470526315789478,75.34368421052635,63.368421052631575,9.705263157894738,37.42105263157895,8.841846274778883,3.265536842105264,787,35,142,10,10,252,124,190,0.171,0.8029999999999999,0.026000000000000002,-0.9726,1,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,1,1,0,9,9,2,0,7,0,16,3,1,0,0,31,28,13,1,2,7,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,9,14,0,1,4,0,0,2,1,7,0,0,7,2,16,1,30,20,1,33,0,3,0,0,5,17,0,5,12,97,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735443971050095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489253428475442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770026065354742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25579282319101104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867179541837112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618936858874829,0.0,0.0,0.16431975849503674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237424235746975,0.14582162875338495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264367101938668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506144087565159,0.0,0.08165074957249074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744646735531208,0.0,0.1619260907543485,0.0,0.0,0.30358965950145755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714308280646605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214276376385727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241075106161392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652919452553143,0.0,0.13875700348185202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992048341608804,0.0,0.15010416272266766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759577132289094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185640630097515,0.0,0.0,0.12269306095388305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29975747039979805,0.0,0.0,0.11884498507508932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608263646947885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15715123355233274,0.0,0.0,0.14932773369783808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322716732012532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841153684431452,0.0,0.11405762136971677,0.08377490427631039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403824822914542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641160544832774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503703540252253 bpd,UnconstrainedStrop,2020/02/06,"Successful medications? Has anyone found a medication that works for them? I know we’re all different. But my most recent medication (fluoxetine/Prozac) was a fail, like the rest. I just got back from the doctor, who says I’m basically out of safe medication options. I’ve tried all the usual suspects, Paxil, Zoloft, citalopram, lexapro, cymbalta and Effexor. The only one that worked well was citalopram, it worked for quite awhile, then just stopped being effective. I’m wondering if there are other options? Weed? Ketamine infusions? I don’t expect medication to be a miracle cure. But I have 3 young children with additional needs, as well as my husband. I need something to bring my moods up and keep them at a normal range while I’m trying to find someone to give me therapy. I’m worried what’s going to happen if I’m completely untreated while waiting for these referrals to go through, and treatment to start (if it ever does). The doctor has said to just discontinue meds for now and see how I get on. I haven’t been taking my meds for a little while anyway because they seemed to be making my mood swings worse. I went from having mood swings where I was manic, to depressed and everywhere in between, to just being depressed all the time and once in a blue moon I’ll get a bit of energy. It’s like a black hole that I get pulled into, then I manage to come back out only to discover the black hole has expanded and I’m still sitting on the edge, about to get sucked back in.",6.069980369061643,6.83401274911661,6.594670200235572,75.78507165292504,66.38515901060072,9.822457793482528,31.6232822928936,9.861636050157227,3.041211385944248,1180,45,215,25,18,385,166,283,0.081,0.8270000000000001,0.092,0.4871,1,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,3,7,17,13,1,0,16,0,16,8,0,3,4,46,48,20,0,7,9,1,0,2,0,0,8,3,0,1,10,13,0,4,7,0,0,6,2,4,2,1,8,7,20,6,39,36,6,36,0,3,4,0,9,12,1,8,19,140,30,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151653048511389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23594094189514594,0.0,0.062348918058833226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116632327964265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881051343823485,0.10723859858852647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618717000788328,0.0,0.0,0.106860795483552,0.0,0.20937575872983,0.08950588766214403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251808505406424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348203613644132,0.0,0.0,0.11214470371281007,0.0,0.0,0.21374824352962307,0.0981162634173836,0.11625612365281895,0.0,0.0818026324118963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044583631375314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091113342694143,0.0,0.0,0.056210394563781935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993765023593827,0.10251139602988177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682726716462964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272199701301931,0.5151815276724666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167859788476393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021265076951867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892482593140296,0.06930755211415457,0.15557704639291906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878733392900136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098912746189266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729166971973717,0.08133713432857696,0.0,0.0,0.08150389081860371,0.09311183984910994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666148343860075,0.07874011491723877,0.0,0.0,0.07239428649874692,0.0,0.0816809131167828,0.08551063152545013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690180567323722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696605512145318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05964027079692071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138882766414353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264693274940735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18392394586320515,0.09481455335381554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091826035777123,0.22338310059639288,0.10387027044987517,0.10423202356578992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_xxbee,2020/02/06,"My boyfriend thinks I don’t love him and I need to prove I do I do. I love him a lot. He thinks that if you really love someone you should be able to change for them and do anything to make that other person happy. How do I explain that it’s not easy for bpd people? He’s been with me for 3 years and has stood by so much but thinks I’m only with him just so I can have someone. In terms of change: he just wants me to be someone who doesn’t sleep all day and can do more everyday life things as well as strive for a future together and work hard to get there(go to work, save money etc) I’m trying little by little but there hasn’t been a big change so I can see why it looks like nothing has happened. (I’ve told him this)",2.4748198970840463,2.9721270251572345,3.628404802744426,94.79382504288168,74.34591194968553,6.5365351629502575,21.372784448256148,6.1124844417494595,-0.033923270440251674,563,11,138,3,11,183,93,159,0.021,0.846,0.132,0.9520000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,1,2,8,7,0,0,3,0,19,5,1,2,2,26,37,14,0,4,6,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,9,7,0,0,5,0,1,0,4,0,1,0,4,3,18,7,18,30,6,9,0,0,2,3,17,4,0,2,6,89,27,2,0.13530185903649425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134190152150583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704079549903495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.429394279423006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725850583501563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089733825689186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068963696827643,0.0,0.07689516452300478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964698710472042,0.14403134487219374,0.12120388970318265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556770438882227,0.06610165396434704,0.2712160156566349,0.0,0.0,0.11361948494669498,0.0,0.0,0.11502880211256095,0.3663456309531077,0.0,0.09031504154301376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946243442325407,0.10032461407192972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982578285683385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290316073252777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938012729630812,0.11814036447467732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667783550088526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781806406134344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539957242095846,0.0,0.3439224782714802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988854307022562,0.260087904062901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928672454315748,0.0,0.09186108083849537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980454201001387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165262037384685,0.0,0.12208888292250472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970027296318631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712996117380277 bpd,empquix,2020/02/06,"“I’ll never leave you,” she said. One year later, she was gone. At first it was endearing to her, how I held grudges and looked for every little sign of rejection. How possessive I was over her and how I wanted her all for myself. How I showered her with affection and never wanted her to leave me. My tendency to hold grudges and my possessiveness, my abrupt change of emotions, they all became inside jokes. To her, they were little quirks and personality flaws that she was able to tolerate because I gave her so much love. She thought I was silly for ever thinking she’d leave me. How could she leave her little clingy bunny? Turns out I was not so silly after all. It started slowly, so slowly I almost didn’t feel it. Instead of reassuring me with a hug when I got possessive, she’d tell me it’s unreasonable to think that way. That I should work on it. It broke my heart because I was working on it. I was trying my hardest, but she made it sound like something I could just switch off. Begging her not to leave irritated her. Her responses changed from “I’ll never leave you” to “Don’t ask me to promise you something I can’t guarantee,” to “The harder you try, the more you push me away.” Despite all of this, I couldn’t see it; I didn’t want to see it. I couldn’t see that she was drifting away until abandonment slapped me right in the face. She tried to let me down slowly, taking a bit longer to reply to my texts, a bit longer to reciprocate my hugs, forgetting to tell me I love you at night. She tried to slowly slip out of my life the same way she slowly slipped in. Then the diagnosis came. Borderline Personality Disorder. There was something wrong with me, an explanation to why I was like this. It was bittersweet. On one hand, I finally knew what was wrong. On the other, I was like this because of my literal brain chemistry, and it seemed incredibly hard to change. I thought that the diagnosis would be the salvation of our relationship. I thought she’d finally understand me and why I acted this way. We’d work on it together, I told myself. Now what we know what the problem is, we can fix it, I said. I was wrong. Instead, the diagnosis was like a death sentence to our relationship. “I have to protect myself, too,” she said. “You refuse to get better and I can’t help you anymore.” It made me so angry. I was trying. I was trying my best and she made it sound like I chose to have bpd, like I can control my emotions. My anger became a living, palpable thing. It became a presence on its own, and she said she couldn’t take the anger anymore. She said I was so angry all the time and it exhausted her. I lost all sense of dignity and begged her not to leave, but she left anyway. It left me furious. She told me she’d never leave, but she did. She lied. She gave me false hope; she made me believe that I could be loved despite all my flaws. I never changed, I was always like this, and she knew it. She knew what she was signing up for. It wasn’t fair to give me false hope like that. She tore down all the walls I put up for defense and made me believe I could be loved. But then she left me broken and vulnerable with no walls to protect me. Anger is my only shield. If it weren’t for the anger, I would have nothing to protect me. I would be sad all the time and think about all the people who left. It’s easier to be angry at them for leaving me instead of being sad and thinking that they left because there’s something wrong with me. Why do people blame us for being angry all the time when it’s only logical that we’d feel this way? Why do people make us villains just because of the anger? Isn’t anger a regular human emotion? I’m so sick of people telling me I’m a bad person for being angry instead of letting go.",2.839610351232693,4.567448635638304,4.097684903748736,86.94444444444447,75.27659574468086,7.008645727794664,24.70246538331645,7.793537801064563,1.2264623184734875,2922,96,605,42,63,958,263,752,0.18100000000000002,0.674,0.145,-0.9948,2,0,4,0,1,0,94.0,8,8,4,8,27,45,9,0,27,0,67,13,4,13,17,110,125,38,1,18,10,0,4,8,0,4,3,7,1,4,47,27,0,9,16,1,0,7,20,22,0,3,52,15,146,23,79,46,18,67,0,6,4,6,91,32,0,5,32,437,193,3,0.04590463582887498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0459668618717111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03819633435332883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910501275972728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04291463782966196,0.0,0.08625783289887076,0.0,0.038328453479191074,0.13991519964928342,0.0,0.0,0.10343760989718624,0.048174083211434966,0.040598919989977736,0.10023194625737694,0.0,0.05781528185851007,0.051244755159585466,0.0,0.052502674253712064,0.0,0.0,0.1942440718778169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05148595243249544,0.146604465660573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052610689651029836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490961013725393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041523371197216316,0.03867663553653602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04642152631011665,0.0,0.0,0.10057256949931964,0.0,0.039046459785646984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023983277576613758,0.044035909562796384,0.02608866241429746,0.0,0.03671413074064047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041121537113300334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05439721447942098,0.030768909767900636,0.0,0.0,0.09118732226886342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02522798734160976,0.0,0.0,0.4374574311295135,0.24937760571612175,0.09388120053851264,0.032423801847298934,0.1794134906661536,0.13802551404321267,0.04053463444881166,0.0,0.03854833271829312,0.0,0.05011033265292727,0.0,0.16572290428880593,0.21718038174470852,0.03064170087111305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033745189189317286,0.0,0.177022425411307,0.0,0.0,0.043078391060086436,0.0,0.044046736132680224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06221233851791731,0.06982508817994539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729797820423822,0.12024647214428558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043924536931748255,0.0,0.046146837953511655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856879909965854,0.0,0.039202308179190334,0.21832910364545807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974015438713204,0.04178985640105947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413585254346484,0.0,0.0,0.03249153750954167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902914648179373,0.0,0.1203680251294892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030497000294089718,0.11765534836475072,0.0,0.10932945975164048,0.08030208692135864,0.0,0.0,0.08772769346888189,0.0,0.18699740681023105,0.04993106193380548,0.0,0.04778834481179189,0.11043524962680797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812272306799214,0.1457478529441637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568717530481455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025736481498508,0.0,0.0,0.09782800867346507,0.2007580521936632,0.0,0.0295610804311907 bpd,PittsburghPerson19,2020/02/06,"BPD Reddit Poem - #6 It's raining in my life Soaking and dark Cold streets, cold lights Missing all marks The paper boats that drift On currents of pain Letters from lost loves Read them all again It's raining in my life Drenching and sour Feel like it's over All passing hours The water feeds life That is what I know I wish it would let up So something would grow It's raining in my life.",3.6952320675105454,5.0993223417721545,3.436139240506332,93.8784282700422,72.41772151898734,5.266666666666667,27.090717299578056,3.1291,0.4419097046413501,311,11,65,0,6,93,55,79,0.09300000000000001,0.8,0.106,0.2732,1,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,2,5,0,0,2,0,4,8,0,0,3,10,10,3,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,0,0,8,2,2,0,2,1,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,5,6,2,8,6,3,13,0,2,0,1,3,7,0,0,4,35,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750772970389557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104336740332786,0.15603075671556302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21508793727008424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120031354074278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233370318085285,0.6170722677584843,0.10670314248737213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384181900837901,0.0,0.19712179506783906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23240156732312364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184671573382768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681411896647702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25115848220381976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103016288606546,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,trey4711,2020/02/06,"Anger management tips? I'm struggling a lot with my anger. There are two scenarios that are most inflammatory for me: driving in the car and being around my sister. When I drive, I've learnt to turn my music up really loud to drown out the malicious and violent thoughts I have in my head, and when I get into the music I start to forget about my anger enough to not act like a madman on the road. The other is when it comes to my sister. Whilst I get really angry with almost anyone, especially those who are incompetent, I seem to only be physically aggressive with my sister. Over the past 6 months, I've had increasingly more violent dreams about killing my sister. They've been unsettling and demonic, but when I wake up, I convince myself I can't regret those subconscious dreams. Within these past 6 months, I have also violently attacked her 3 times. I've honestly completely qualified for physical abuse with the rage and violence that comes over me. The second I finish, I feel a huge wave of remorse, but in that moment there is absolutely nothing I can do to satiate my anger. I understand that it's because I don't feel adequately loved or appreciated by her, and that when she starts to speak to me in a mean and condescending way, my brain flips out. It sucks so much because I really love her but I'm aware that I'm not expressing myself in any helpful way. I just want to know whether people have any *reasonable* and *realistic* advice and tips about how to calm myself down because at this point I feel like I lose all control the minute the steam starts to be let out. I can feel myself doing something bad but the rationality only comes in with my reflection - post-anger outburst - and I'd like to be more proactive. And it doesn't just have to be with her but with anger management in general!!",6.858688760806918,6.979135755043231,7.397249279538907,72.93022550432278,64.64841498559078,11.089855907780981,31.759221902017288,10.793553405168565,3.3767557348703177,1445,50,268,36,20,477,177,347,0.221,0.675,0.10400000000000001,-0.9924,0,0,1,0,1,0,37.0,0,0,0,2,16,25,13,1,15,0,24,5,3,3,1,59,49,26,2,2,11,4,4,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,16,26,0,1,11,2,0,8,5,17,0,2,3,6,43,8,48,40,8,49,1,2,0,2,15,23,1,6,19,187,59,3,0.0,0.1384424903969931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417980604457717,0.0,0.0,0.11700361918116325,0.0,0.0,0.09344108789227562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891752583679855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170090131988353,0.0,0.0,0.10401702696698274,0.0,0.1329283169895902,0.0,0.0,0.09756088608350473,0.21368330232909755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043791926579248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019554573377541,0.12251000015706155,0.0,0.1310518605425726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120732356870548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363218355586671,0.0834742553696032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209361970899275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199169154142461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831889440594106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292719344860773,0.0,0.06421508241878678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948216376761828,0.0,0.1712540312991057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307199240648274,0.0,0.09933763577690101,0.21091476330405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272787093820166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18652949498877325,0.0,0.0858946881369131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211614912987876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773212470972088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22308398592389564,0.0810057700148711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045650968334547,0.0,0.1119054309475161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22456213821538634,0.12013635656939058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637150862356763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995316628382394,0.0,0.0,0.2481109647197707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215200379217395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276206055980273,0.06813339302141609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270940568472742,0.11414081103862456,0.12164000477696472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891834377076829,0.1854926091098452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Carnagekenon,2020/02/06,"I didnt know where else to ask Im not sure why but I genuinely enjoy doing nothing. Like some people enjoy exercise or singing or acting or whatever and my big thing is doing nothing/ watching shows. Maybe Im just lazy but I have tried exercising and I used to play an instrument and I got good at that and a lot of other hobbies but I **never** in my whole life found ANY joy in hobbies besides being a potato. I dont think its a product of depression because I dont feel depressed anymore and I worked hard to get better and Im actually happy again. Societal norms would indicate that Im lazy and I wont succeed at anything. I go to work and Im always on time and I always do my best there but Im mostly autonomous at work. I dont really like other people so I have a few good friends and I enjoy my time alone. I guess I just wanted to ask if Im alone on this?",-0.7171011011010968,1.4616947513513523,2.4541141141141156,89.67172172172172,96.08108108108108,5.119119119119119,19.82482482482483,6.775458762138228,0.5761431431431432,679,24,143,11,27,241,103,185,0.13699999999999998,0.619,0.244,0.9827,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,6,6,17,0,0,5,0,13,3,0,1,2,34,25,19,0,3,11,0,2,2,1,2,3,0,0,1,7,10,0,0,4,5,0,2,7,2,0,0,3,3,21,15,14,19,6,15,0,2,1,0,4,9,0,8,6,92,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.08892461430179488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18875552522971276,0.0,0.0,0.151646189168664,0.0,0.0,0.061967957034268675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903712693063942,0.0,0.0,0.07498790762081492,0.0,0.17037868676669124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554880381273418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562980662137224,0.08059243910544339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697123295473436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203925965623853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612303849609127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046075413253029565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991358854538344,0.0704027583427339,0.0,0.04760892255555909,0.0,0.05178829726223687,0.15286223934048582,0.07288078960609752,0.0,0.10038418923819244,0.0,0.0,0.09700399432905008,0.08162988021710932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6890125944325913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05007978128687892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643641081238239,0.08903790313126841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747100659030548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915470626733986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028102739570671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487331684896432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634886050175387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583768503365926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588400155330411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06053923699711359,0.058389062448315515,0.0,0.0,0.10627115289187057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061867725894144035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870252914157005,0.0,0.0,0.053747740448033175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222591629039977,0.10173753278938336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990197170446538,0.0,0.0,0.06473241023627654,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lashden,2020/02/06,"FP asks to have open relationship So, we’ve been together for six years, going on and off. The relationship was quite alright: in the begging it was quite toxic due to my undiagnosed BPD that I thought was ~~just me being me ~~, and untreated codependent personality of my FP. During recent two years, many things have improved greatly, I have regular therapy, FP has therapy. The thing is, FP constantly has discussions with me that the feelings are gone, they don’t feel the way they used to, and they want to have emotions and positive feelings, THUS, they want to have sex with other people. FP doesn’t want to break up with me, because the relationship is working well. I really need an input from someone who has BPD. As one might imagine, I feel like shit: for me the whole opening the relationship thing means losing the FP (but if they don’t love me any more, I guess I’ve already lost them?), but then if we don’t open the relationship, we will break up. What would you do? Thanks",5.433484162895926,6.699351032085563,5.858502673796793,78.68060468942822,68.0909090909091,9.390209790209793,30.427396133278485,9.661875296680813,2.781925874125874,781,30,148,17,13,251,110,187,0.031,0.866,0.10400000000000001,0.8691,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,2,1,6,5,3,9,1,0,11,1,24,3,1,2,0,33,42,11,0,7,5,0,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,9,12,0,0,7,0,0,2,4,3,1,3,7,4,22,6,19,31,2,19,0,2,0,2,19,8,1,4,7,102,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931909996842036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352899971944077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108268055810513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591225813210329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27236038624756664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168451768370047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216265547048502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186858634879061,0.07724482831371683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06145017323646016,0.0,0.0,0.1192086675462685,0.11911235056933568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052824623141425886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096469800012892,0.11803167880203293,0.0,0.09758742146373343,0.0,0.0,0.1096222143775786,0.0,0.11778029058987538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470399359310475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017363579158109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732685892182079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496055843221944,0.09441095429369374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300094070169929,0.0,0.0,0.06926791873495898,0.0,0.10676081710869573,0.5804312314095852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098919939715804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161432538614513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954736821218264,0.2473017033137372,0.0,0.21550119222331035,0.0,0.0,0.08583951315578682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562283321041213,0.0,0.0,0.09338565478235117,0.0,0.0,0.191325538946129,0.08582493297311272,0.0,0.0,0.0972177463045253,0.0,0.0,0.12071818045881864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871660031569214,0.0,0.0,0.07680920272181561,0.0,0.0,0.13925846290671304 bpd,throwawaymeowcat93,2020/02/06,"Could really use someone who suffers with BPD to talk to. I've never felt so alone and helpless By the time anyone sees this I'll probably be asleep after my anxiety attack dissipates but id really appreciate having someone to talk to. I'm so overwhelmed, in so much pain, I just want it to stop.",3.3898305084745743,5.310861881355937,5.412000000000003,77.27833898305086,74.25423728813557,8.787796610169492,27.0542372881356,9.3871,2.661010847457627,237,9,43,6,5,82,46,59,0.249,0.643,0.10800000000000001,-0.8268,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,1,1,0,3,2,1,1,1,10,8,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,2,0,9,5,1,5,0,3,1,0,3,1,0,0,4,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322765469856961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156627833736424,0.0,0.0,0.15681511130716955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255140010548748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28246077742844616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906170312508854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21533479972078612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486458366165607,0.0,0.17297119480041734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386395681806576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24180147404301436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28734678264030034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17871451011381345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800472444422432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18750013611749486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605201806693316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307739013619455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19369765929551047,0.0,0.0,0.13228052047069155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yanaghost,2020/02/06,"what counts as an unhealthy or abusive relationship? i dont get it. ive been told i have 'trauma' and need 'therapy' because of 'abuse'. bro what if i am literally just a bad person and deserve it jokes aside.. i dont know the signs of a bad relationship. i know ive been hurt before but i don't know if it's valid as abuse or not, or if it was me being the abuser.",0.14155063291139314,1.9685654810126607,3.048591772151898,90.79415348101269,84.0632911392405,5.975316455696203,20.00158227848101,7.1686216300943375,0.3373658227848102,279,8,66,4,8,99,49,79,0.275,0.706,0.019,-0.9670000000000001,0,0,0,0,3,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,5,0,11,0,0,0,0,16,17,11,0,4,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,9,1,4,12,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,6,0,44,15,0,0.0,0.7135030413431476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514039899784441,0.09177317699384208,0.0,0.12810597645106225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528842441679592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865555648879392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116564953310045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24821311980079264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116300590550836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145344225936334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232662308497715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216572176607053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385587055877913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sophia_maas,2020/02/06,Should I tell my partner Hey! I just started dating a guy (about three weeks) that I really like. We’ve known each-other/been friends for about two months. I’m wondering if I need to tell him I struggle with BPD tendencies? I know I will need to eventually—I’m just wondering at what point in time/the relationship I have an ethical responsibility to let him know? Thanks!,1.75605633802817,4.545155098591554,3.3001267605633835,84.04821830985917,89.56338028169014,7.347042253521128,22.592957746478877,8.238735603445708,1.8305707042253518,296,11,58,8,10,97,54,71,0.035,0.769,0.19699999999999998,0.8942,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,12,13,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,11,3,9,10,0,7,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,3,5,33,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26211420197252866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078952834129567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20606707678359165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287496854413678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128122113077018,0.0,0.1016747268571486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661158161643033,0.0,0.0,0.3086300302958861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19673642774633104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333241261084748,0.0,0.0,0.22343817486374973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730523057928185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21756751989558906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638042611529283,0.19160480227608606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135382868513082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032986148863785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669377104160548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4513847903656629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Glittering_Cook,2020/02/06,"How to stop yelling when experiencing emotional pain? Whenever I get hurt I tend to yell, a lot. Like I try to catch myself and I am able to breathe deeply and speak calmly but as soon as I feel hurt I start to yell again. It's not helping me or my situation but I can't stop yelling when I feel hurt. Anyone else like this? Anyone have some advice? I've been trying to take take care of my amygdala bc I know it's overactive. And like I said I am able to calm myself down, I just have no self control once I perceive emotional pain.",0.5335550935550941,2.823189036036037,2.303963963963966,93.75224532224532,86.56756756756758,5.577546777546778,20.250173250173248,7.010146845296331,0.3483965349965348,417,13,94,6,13,137,68,111,0.225,0.61,0.16399999999999998,-0.8621,0,0,0,0,2,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,11,0,0,1,0,6,3,1,2,0,18,16,11,0,0,5,0,2,3,0,0,2,6,0,1,3,3,0,3,4,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,9,18,6,11,14,2,9,0,3,0,0,4,1,0,3,10,55,21,0,0.2899749500373225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416800825662591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027572273195089,0.1485568019837207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782439369019773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626157817686659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111843099164775,0.3261827892307393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662004751124752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757499715599013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718204830020256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4656362721292817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968132452021222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21250067008161969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326316645969415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440692901558226,0.0,0.0,0.3085537915938261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379162905404465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125355703782012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297199665804518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262288106464697,0.0,0.0,0.2424320424499525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180250746002675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19687395661971185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dprssdbtch,2020/02/06,mania kicked in and i've slept like 6 hours overall this week i'm so full of energy it's absurd,-2.1950000000000003,-0.6008309545454544,1.036818181818184,97.42522727272728,108.54545454545456,4.0181818181818185,10.045454545454547,5.985473137389443,-1.1617636363636359,77,1,18,1,4,27,21,22,0.0,0.767,0.233,0.5945,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7236595812173995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3590008458262898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5894363436438801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,opalfiction,2020/02/06,"FP issue Right now I'm seeing two people. One is a very nice, calm person and our relationship isn't affected by my BPD in the slightest. Nothing he does ever triggers me. This might be the healthiest relationship I've had yet. The other one; well... I don't really like him as a person; only the sex and the attention. Our vibes clash constantly. But for some reason I've formed a very unhealthy attachment to him and I can't let go. I feel like his validation is the most important thing in the world. I'm obsessed with all of his exes and I feel very insecure comparing myself to those women I've never met. We talk everyday and each time I feel like shit afterwards. I need real advice. A way to solve my problem. We live in neighbouring cities so I don't see him around. If I block his number I know I'll unblock it. If I delete his number, he'll just keep texting and calling. He's in love with me (or so he says). He genuinely tries really hard to do whatever it takes to keep me happy. I need to stop this. It's only going to get worse. What do I do?",1.215778401122023,3.444585336405531,3.5872610699258662,86.14809657383292,82.73271889400922,7.091885393708678,20.955519935884595,8.18289091462,1.2400532558605488,826,25,170,18,23,285,129,217,0.14300000000000002,0.7490000000000001,0.10800000000000001,-0.8259,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,4,0,0,0,8,12,1,2,11,0,13,3,1,3,3,39,32,13,0,5,5,0,4,3,1,2,0,1,0,3,9,12,0,4,6,0,0,2,5,4,1,3,2,7,29,8,18,26,5,19,0,0,2,2,27,7,1,6,12,106,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213072777132054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112602625995617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741014944308102,0.0,0.1276203490696904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350608801890731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937237896590098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130531557647722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18958359690438312,0.17857398627001594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529781030400661,0.0,0.14206002694770858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304540578580334,0.11195910655896993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044848443312446,0.0,0.22217905876590568,0.0,0.0,0.06868670583167659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780231568211164,0.0,0.18317932216636168,0.0,0.11036118239158807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280091652101225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325858949017417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534478035108426,0.0963936369175338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992336790976996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938174801732733,0.19010851823190889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664661456623916,0.21825850123337454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959066358208716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225660298696607,0.1601330294747076,0.12850206326227495,0.0,0.2683672706927824,0.0,0.1067337387388652,0.0,0.09939051063730232,0.0,0.0,0.1991885599181199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829197890616995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449034629004228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093970728104546,0.10045560313375193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303232674030002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287786836830211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485440989893568,0.0,0.12208901734439465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093691193524741,0.0,0.09920470235315497,0.0,0.0,0.11237361045893718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273670892450341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Molson11,2020/02/06,"Psychedelics and BPD? Ever since High School I’ve had a (mostly) healthy fascination with drugs. My senior year of high school I would drop acid fairly often and although I didn’t always do it for the right reasons, I felt it usually gave me a different perspective on things and a sense of mindfulness afterwards. I am currently a senior in college and don’t take drugs very often (mostly because I’ve noticed it triggers my ADD, I don’t even smoke weed). Ive noticed that when I do take certain psychedelics such as LSD, psilocybin mushrooms, or ketamine i feel like it puts me in more consistent moods and I am overall happier afterwards. LSD, shrooms and ketamine are also known to treat (in some cases cure) depression. I’m just curious what everybody else’s experience with psychedelics has been and how it has effected you.",6.900197368421054,8.131745467105265,6.563000000000002,75.08200000000002,64.72368421052633,10.290526315789474,36.91052631578947,10.355215969177356,4.08815052631579,669,33,113,16,10,209,101,152,0.039,0.833,0.128,0.9022,2,0,3,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,1,9,5,0,0,5,0,14,2,0,4,2,28,20,13,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,10,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,5,3,14,3,11,14,4,18,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,6,10,73,22,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278873344544023,0.13306559357521466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748526609545714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20141264674919027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773818123529333,0.0,0.0,0.16708153737417455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709110252065035,0.0,0.13359197956455365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562512996656767,0.14465608098647365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564316734639417,0.0,0.0,0.08085995760722489,0.11424631557256425,0.15354752027458834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379268510635762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812844817140269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614728142509324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641381610294601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607629760254237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16442358237989926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657013155053802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236935563846885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228682306595432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240478687447394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624321718565326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17612841659178174,0.13195009633898974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360201847293575,0.0,0.0,0.10298272807841416 bpd,Alexia_Hope,2020/02/06,"I can’t see a therapist and I’m slowly losing my grip All the therapists in my city are booked up or I can’t afford them (I have a high copay, low wage job, and go to college). I want to go to the counseling center but I’m worried they won’t believe me or invalidate me (my last two therapists just made me feel terrible) and they also can’t prescribe medicine, which I think I need. I’ve been trying to do some self improvement myself but it’s like every time I take a step forward I take 2 back. I’ll be fine for a few days then something little will make me angry or upset and it’s progressively getting worse and turning me into a toxic person. I just got upset my boyfriend hasn’t been texting me consistently. He hasn’t seen the messages yet, they aren’t terrible (no name calling or anything just me being bitter) and it’s not fair to him. I apologized already but I feel awful. None of this is fair to him or the people around me. I hate feeling like this. It’s so unfair. I’m becoming a toxic person and I don’t want to be. I love my boyfriend so much. I don’t want to control him or be someone who’s going to make him feel bad over nothing. I haven’t really spoken to him about my mental disorders aside from my depression and anxiety. I’m afraid he’ll leave me. His last serious relationship ended because she had bipolar disorder, tried to kill herself when he wanted to break up (she was really controlling and toxic). I’m scared I’ll push him away like she did. Overall we’re pretty happy. It’s just when my BPD pops up I get blindsided. I keep having intrusive suicidal thoughts (I would never do it because I’m afraid of the physical pain, but the thoughts still fuck with me and make me upset) and I have a lot of self hatred right now. I’m frustrated I’m not seeing improvements even though I’ve been trying so hard to be better. I don’t want to go to work. I haven’t been eating more than one meal a day. I’ve got this hollow feeling in my chest. It feels like I’m constantly fluctuating between moments of euphoria and then super low moments. I just want to be better. I think next semester I’m going to take a break from classes and work more and make more money so I can afford therapy.",2.0120113968889584,4.079386966887419,3.991452333281998,85.20964269213,78.88962472406179,7.039560552389752,24.22141793726577,8.057270187336151,1.5091919400379896,1748,62,349,32,43,594,219,453,0.21,0.659,0.131,-0.9928,6,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,4,9,21,30,5,6,15,1,35,7,1,7,2,65,88,34,2,8,17,0,8,4,0,4,2,0,0,4,12,17,2,3,10,1,2,8,17,20,0,2,13,12,61,10,37,65,9,44,0,4,3,2,29,16,1,8,24,219,73,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838251975997903,0.06404882324009709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06126947180866114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590815058789568,0.07129805874958592,0.0,0.0,0.07524822430766445,0.06158511169664405,0.0668727225769617,0.09764558160977184,0.08845432682990817,0.0,0.0902352425259464,0.0,0.1416681377393965,0.0,0.0,0.10087193595045588,0.0,0.08178196719130605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655002554819832,0.17965795648385124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330426666079816,0.0,0.06898234653954098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183582677319659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195318943321518,0.0,0.0,0.07093694175518275,0.0,0.0,0.05289941578501713,0.0,0.06748020553057853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24297879789652366,0.1144341948036846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740429308083731,0.08368858757830616,0.0,0.2275880873960248,0.0,0.12811233727476593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525846458065141,0.07174589355161233,0.07907337932873454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462064380413922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947805787779735,0.07118864909492695,0.08860893498317912,0.0,0.0,0.13056987122680885,0.0,0.08480491000427999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651386240245468,0.08027232226806327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960145369924742,0.0,0.06809058861021494,0.07228534415803142,0.075784134757524,0.21384572302168814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807129905499821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887617344616975,0.05938653536151532,0.061771193303471986,0.0,0.0851777928070396,0.0,0.0,0.07684956992643903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05427180171555041,0.0,0.08522257658538714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055525083901975116,0.13986491744623128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148144134201532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261681822852227,0.0,0.0,0.08598786747963061,0.0,0.06839736126235375,0.0,0.0,0.08018516248717315,0.0,0.12764447355657665,0.0,0.1671049677514417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786092860138188,0.061658041201765275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639608554247842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760666341304815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18065561782609926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159115215245373,0.27897581821221085,0.0,0.10263828509495357,0.07868909849861944,0.1271667732942379,0.04670176412551683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631297974887108,0.08711611739005486,0.07823736640483316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28343883302791145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661454846175265,0.08133639913744607,0.08161967264484929,0.056894419075452375,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,faunicorns,2020/02/06,"Can't tell which emotion is valid and which is BPD Ready to drop my ldr ""boyfriend"". I'm so over waiting for him. We dated and lived together 3 years. I broke up with him because our relationship was toxic because of my bpd and I needed to get my head on straight. He moved to another state and I stayed behind, slowly getting better with medication and therapy. He visits in November and sees the dramatic change in me and states talking about our future together because we had talked about getting engaged shortly before everything went to hell. Long story short: im over the wait. He was supposed to come see me in february and i had an episode readjusting to a new dosage and he called it off. Now he wants me to move to the same city as him (note: not move in together) and hes making me spiral more and more with it. I asked him why doesnt he just ask me out again (labels) if he wants to be with me as much as he does and he said he just wanted time. (Fair enough I did emotionally abuse him often) I asked him to stop talking about our ""possible future"" when we had a conversation today (without splitting proud of myself) about him moving to another state and at this point he just keeps finding new points. I understand he needs time but I didnt cry at all today over this. I felt exasperated and tired. I dont know if itll change tomorrow but i told him finally to shut the fuck up and go play dnd when he asked if we were still doing valentines together because people were asking him to make plans with them.why would you even ask that??? Im still not stable bur this entire day it felt like I was over it. I just wanted to move on. And i cant tell if its just fucking apathy or if i really feel this way.i just want him to take his time to heal but this whole ""haha i love you I want nothing more than to be with you jk Idk what I want"" amd it feels unhealthy. I have so much to say and not the enrgy to say it but tldr: guy who i dated for nearly 4 years and broke up with keeps emotionally triggering me and I dont think I can take anymore despite how much I love him because its not healthy.",2.091800699300702,4.11011057808858,3.4734026806526788,89.26241171328672,78.41724941724942,6.714242424242425,22.61311188811189,7.734863291789972,0.965003216783217,1654,51,350,26,40,541,214,429,0.094,0.8140000000000001,0.092,-0.3854,0,0,0,0,1,0,40.0,7,3,0,3,21,13,3,0,8,1,25,8,1,4,1,83,70,37,0,15,21,0,4,1,0,2,3,3,0,1,19,32,0,5,8,1,0,9,11,5,0,0,15,9,58,8,58,51,10,62,1,2,2,4,59,24,3,7,25,226,77,0,0.0,0.07981711893942821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127723122818486,0.0,0.0,0.06680848868622301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37786597403984795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20532696174013412,0.0,0.057323091097118126,0.0,0.0,0.05957932313550195,0.0,0.0,0.16968901443036558,0.0,0.0687877221752008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252756389112095,0.05802942575318967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399785438859928,0.04344518381389132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05895201566827545,0.0,0.15790376245955287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22733140983652905,0.0,0.06960658436973134,0.0,0.04449428695861722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060543780639234476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681240564319544,0.0,0.1293629164015056,0.0737956282857634,0.061570859783211834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455666520150492,0.10558710268191243,0.0,0.038285374304000176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670245050212682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913645278282368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455326311847082,0.0,0.0,0.11975512901309293,0.0,0.0,0.03702232498438797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032911387599429666,0.0,0.05948498345772185,0.05961636042408167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160001384290575,0.0,0.08993400800179449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786366860243666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579944038776203,0.14856421290088245,0.09990135076696767,0.0,0.130124067284594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463902797810814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04670276561420021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736437123816974,0.07594449569413263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043156073552832463,0.0,0.0,0.07232535168529923,0.0,0.0,0.06408003079485057,0.10714352189769756,0.0,0.0,0.10736318635708936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718026751427486,0.10759637372762927,0.056320586512930974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130096625777116,0.16243754627720014,0.1177608577788506,0.0,0.07703833674276422,0.0,0.0,0.04316510156288629,0.0,0.0,0.11784411965450944,0.07742674899918968,0.12770926172208305,0.06437063594801361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012987632073456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781374806434068,0.053471609768249835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244850680653851,0.12157379752135025,0.07521119112844908,0.0,0.06493795199119694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04785452865821632,0.0,0.0,0.0867623652884979 bpd,galaxychildxo,2020/02/06,"I guess I just LOOK crazy to complete strangers now? I was with my husband visiting my mom in adult behavioral health at the hospital, and I was super anxious because an ex boyfriend of mine was there too and idk I didn't want him to see me so I was waaaay extra anxious. I was kind of hiding behind my husband whenever Ex was nearby and one of the nurses on the ward kept watching me so that made me feel even more anxious. Anywho, as we were leaving I kinda smiled awkwardly at the nurse and she just stared at me stone faced. I felt so awkward lmao and while waiting for the elevator she called over to me, ""uhh, are you supposed to be a patient here?"" It was hilarious but I was also *mortified*. She said I was acting suspicious so I guess she thought I was trying to sneak out. Doesn't help that I was wearing pajamas, slip on shoes and my hair was wonky. I meekly held up a crumpled-up visitor's sticker that looked like I'd dug it out of the garbage and said, ""um I have anxiety and a visitor's pass."" l m f a o. My husband will never let me live this down.",2.2610164171897607,4.0340485733945,3.824186383389666,88.08095364558187,77.02752293577981,6.974794785127957,27.07001448575567,7.85451343220497,1.595143119266055,831,34,175,13,19,276,135,218,0.106,0.8340000000000001,0.059000000000000004,-0.5619,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,1,0,1,12,5,0,2,11,0,20,5,4,1,1,27,35,16,0,1,3,6,3,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,6,12,0,3,3,0,0,3,3,2,1,1,21,10,35,3,24,11,2,17,0,0,5,0,19,11,0,3,4,122,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274405650258607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121910375727927,0.5400961448356969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714470511019224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272492733733246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670864926073367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052561326834816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057747649049664,0.0,0.1530111079849764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35110719914492217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939280034129844,0.0,0.0,0.10681600974937856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659494777389223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687398003769527,0.0,0.16295694757548346,0.0,0.07785550947664223,0.0,0.14071827507482013,0.0,0.2676454326474129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079079466129142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18664113659886436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290867152088213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798682513922073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031767305307096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698971666894598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651446678717032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819534490942624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399497446903413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,carrotcatscookies,2020/02/06,"DAE seemingly get constantly interrupted?? It feels like it just happens constantly to me. Usually I'll just let it happen and see if anyone notices that I was interrupted mid-sentence but no one ever seems to notice. I've brought it up a few times, and since I have some people will take more notice but it obviously is still an issue. There's these two girls (girl 1 + 2) I live with that are the worst at it. I will be talking and then they'll sideline my story with a completely off-topic comment. Today I was starting to tell a story and one of the girls (girl 1) just randomly (when I just started talking) said something completely irrelevant to what I was saying. After she said her sentence I looked at her and she said ""continue"" but I couldn't even fathom doing what she just did to me so I had to comment on it. After that I was having a conversation with the two of them plus another person (girl 3) and I was mostly talking to girl 3 and then somehow it got to where they were trying to figure out someones name, and while I was talking they shouted out the name. Normally I wouldn't really care about this but it distracted the girl I was talking to enough that she stopped paying attention to what I was saying. Girl 1 had it on her mind since she just did the same thing to me just 30 mins ago, so she was encouraging me to continue but I had to comment on how I am used to being interrupted by them. (like haha I'm used to it) Girl 3 then says ""It's just part of normal conversation!"" and she keeps going on about how I'm complaining over nothing and lots of ""sorry but..."" I tried to pseudo stick up for myself but I got really overwhelmed and upset and angry and had to walk away. It just really upsets me when people try to undermine the things I'm feeling. The same thing happened yesterday (someone saying it's part of conversation) so it didn't help. So here we are. I'm sitting in my room not able to go out into the common room because I know they'll comment about it. Why does this happen to me?? Does anyone else just get lost in conversation??? I try to get sympathy for some of this stuff sometimes but I am almost always met with ""it happens to everyone!"" Why can't people feel sorry for me sometimes? I must give off a ""interrupt me and don't feel bad for me"" vibe.",2.7883496732026143,4.691833148148152,4.464334967320261,83.4937573529412,75.90631808278867,7.378671023965143,24.76476034858388,8.238735603445708,1.5943607407407412,1801,61,354,32,40,606,206,459,0.11900000000000001,0.8320000000000001,0.05,-0.9844,0,0,1,0,0,0,57.0,1,0,6,1,28,13,0,4,15,1,37,0,0,4,3,78,76,36,0,6,20,0,4,2,0,6,0,8,2,10,32,24,0,2,9,0,1,4,7,8,0,4,25,14,53,5,61,41,12,49,0,2,2,0,55,20,0,10,26,266,85,1,0.07409815746738611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656835457678487,0.0,0.07419860124691705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06165560289249882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769837884192163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362230913834347,0.07592231884046692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961765810279652,0.0,0.0618688664031623,0.04516954903788615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554800992132132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538101665622656,0.16014756873908198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296875938767622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189950249610686,0.0,0.0,0.07656320434984014,0.0,0.04894113417084173,0.06702602562882516,0.0,0.07080396486686498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986501926412218,0.05293573850021257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613968696412875,0.07108170453998412,0.08422338096284893,0.0,0.11852613104434907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276237796774327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04966643302826463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773392250902605,0.0,0.06586184696169349,0.0,0.0,0.04072240950984662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577038631416641,0.0,0.07240123379212017,0.0,0.06543003058487808,0.0,0.062223790174772836,0.0,0.08088689197974418,0.06299560370358519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481801603178741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520092357910733,0.07109918052831513,0.25308373018770003,0.0,0.0,0.10042165835057762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16048216744889346,0.0,0.15411099767930614,0.06469965300135205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240753119610355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114529481764225,0.2357033156013385,0.0,0.0,0.05904663798071901,0.13491235925228112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225895231325064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556625672901334,0.0570443817268313,0.1465699448404506,0.1658936415584709,0.10489411447307873,0.0,0.05917488426994659,0.06194937753859259,0.0,0.0,0.08482466247130356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05571259278599717,0.2977864609198295,0.06476505563499035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476825699150588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043207231500830515,0.0,0.07023638920894232,0.0,0.0,0.2012311399582224,0.0,0.14476626592450015,0.0,0.0,0.12799403427120648,0.08160865194149029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372412376638435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BFGvalo,2020/02/06,"Am I the only one who has amnesia after they disassociate When I tend to disassociate I have no recollection of what happened whilst I was out of it, I kind of come round confused and dazed and often with bruises or some kind of self harm, I feel really bad when I do this because my fiancée is the one that deals with it all and I’m sort of blissfully unaware of what happened. I’m never violent to anyone but myself but even so this must be so upsetting for her. She deals with a lot of my shit and I’m worried it’s bringing her down too, I want to be better but my brain just feels like it takes over and my head just has a snowball effect. I’ve just realised I kind of went of on a tangent sorry, pretty sure I’ve just come out of an episode now seeing that I have a big lump on the side of my face.",2.0573182957393463,3.473839631578951,4.009828738512951,88.06907894736842,76.6608187134503,6.757059314954053,23.910192147034248,7.447530270364453,0.9122578111946532,631,20,140,8,14,215,101,171,0.14300000000000002,0.757,0.1,-0.6764,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,2,12,13,2,2,8,0,11,5,4,1,4,34,26,13,0,2,8,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,11,12,0,0,4,0,0,4,2,7,0,2,2,4,20,6,25,21,3,18,0,0,2,0,8,8,1,6,7,103,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075804332543623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322586736882791,0.0965601116386893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400932942406927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17682851082334905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27289781047599143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266100751370508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462272659168674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018516123263,0.11316209544110598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801479263351328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256568407858385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4948525010810281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738699374530149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346673291172951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216903669589907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146739727939484,0.12047151286524613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611513177095755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147608586891338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262255230957763,0.0,0.1652473575910783,0.0,0.16259690971289045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17731756116934988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929158161391953,0.0,0.11909824856972888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342933531900163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683981922794284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086445800256902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,glowingviolet,2020/02/06,Anyone feel they are unable to make friends ? Why is this so hard ?,0.2976923076923086,2.71441453846154,0.560384615384617,102.6221153846154,95.92307692307692,2.6,14.192307692307693,3.1291,-1.5574307692307694,51,1,11,0,2,15,13,13,0.114,0.674,0.212,0.3805,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789987681971492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27406577873647797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4187696957688981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4855508634726458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618080782157167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4890962053165551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,oftentimesdead,2020/02/06,"Am I supposed to keep trying to make friends even though I know from experience it won't go well..? I'm extremely socially isolated. sometimes I'll mention not having friends online (not quite ready for irl interactions) and people will offer to be my friend. I have very mixed feelings about being around or even just talking to others. I either find other people very annoying/boring and prefer my own company, or I find the very idea of someone talking to me as anxiety attack inducing and fear they're simply pitying me (I kind of flip between schizoid and avoidant... even though I'm diagnosed with BPD, and this doesn't quite sound like splitting? it's weird and complicated). sometimes I really like talking to people, especially if we have stuff in common or if I think they're interesting and they show interest in me; doesn't last long though. so far I've been saying no to these offers, because in the past people would either use me as a therapist and fuck off after a day, or we would irritate each other and it would build up to some stupid fight over something minor and we'd never speak again, or I would get tired of having to maintain a relationship over a long period of time and avoid them. 15+ encounters have ended in these ways. should I accept their offer of friendship anyway, despite the high probability of it falling into the same pattern? or is it better to keep isolating myself since my feelings towards friendships is too complicated and will cause issues?",8.255139393939395,8.200113447272727,8.080000000000002,69.7866666666667,61.8,10.678787878787881,35.42424242424242,10.203070172399654,3.6828787878787854,1198,47,197,23,15,385,169,275,0.141,0.76,0.098,-0.8617,0,2,1,0,1,0,30.0,3,0,3,3,14,20,4,3,8,0,22,3,0,4,1,56,35,26,0,8,13,0,2,2,3,8,2,3,0,0,12,18,0,4,10,1,0,2,7,9,1,0,1,5,24,11,35,23,6,28,0,1,0,1,22,13,1,9,14,142,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674460376084423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930616024799601,0.0,0.1141285991796032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06115420329590459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887249781612265,0.0,0.0,0.12634965712259758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305637962633904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469816678399068,0.0,0.0,0.10182279223173464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885383415755202,0.0,0.0,0.1987814445151164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813231008227463,0.0,0.1128880058678408,0.10144971612773583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833815123145704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232521186817906,0.0927443181479643,0.052413112953373794,0.0,0.057014226081274176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599369615943344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324918462400932,0.0,0.10470812294252768,0.0,0.1783382329170869,0.0,0.10446794899406704,0.05513330469107516,0.08177427301559814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980226693537262,0.0,0.0,0.1775602674991313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696444736173958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737304752216474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576688921326806,0.2781973101483361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816203798353187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21340555513203735,0.0,0.0,0.06426762645139415,0.0,0.0,0.10770624624564454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797785719961085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298582539871349,0.0,0.0,0.1022637108057797,0.08500089722692512,0.07723131603740008,0.1984382929376686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484251589329895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24190049479464235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647937107740768,0.0,0.06428107088064762,0.29569197381529805,0.0,0.058497458472272064,0.11530320004515762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681107643567016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664435841410657,0.0,0.2483237725953587,0.0,0.07962942778224669,0.0,0.0,0.09019982003288256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850580897308651,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Snow-wolf-19,2020/02/06,"I just realised I have BPD, now I feel even worse and will not accept this I wasn't diagnosed, I just... the symptoms are so so so exact, I've been in the middle of a breakdown for a few hours so I might not be the best explainer but whatever... I don't want this, I wish I never knew, at least I could keep switching personalities every day and keep being convinced it was really me, I thought I found one for good but I guess not Such a dissapointment My entire identity, just one big mess of a personality disorder Just a joke So I can stop now Stop this whole adventure of sadness and craziness and happiness and adventure It'll always be like this, huh...Not a sociopath, not crazy, not a psychopath, just someone with a lifelong disorder about being unstable and trying to copy other people and oversharing and all of my fucking problems combined into one So now I can stop edit: im still gonna try to block out everything and try to become a sociopath. i dont give a fuck if its fake, ill make it real, fuck all of this and fuck everyone, i hate everything I thought this was OVER FUCK aAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA",4.074518839793985,5.752951626728112,5.157820547573866,80.81891569531037,71.90322580645163,8.423854703171589,28.893738140417447,9.007467420416297,2.4246505285985367,881,35,168,18,17,290,124,217,0.249,0.586,0.165,-0.9662,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,1,18,19,6,0,13,0,18,8,0,1,4,51,38,19,0,5,13,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,2,11,13,0,6,7,1,0,0,9,10,0,3,8,1,21,9,17,21,6,17,0,1,0,5,4,7,5,3,11,124,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094551968745218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120712152907744,0.0,0.0,0.11470255215075875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376582581422629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726635385130922,0.0,0.0,0.0704888097625782,0.0,0.0,0.11093617930598433,0.0,0.0,0.2505322352227855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280976082468302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219095544359752,0.0,0.09208911740311804,0.10443987372853283,0.19646177832129266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05526485599252744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198407066331454,0.0,0.5052257987709746,0.0,0.10484955553723536,0.0,0.09167481143852513,0.0,0.0,0.12040516558602007,0.0,0.0,0.11635081269601873,0.0,0.1079101294255156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763749357264846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806167051532054,0.0,0.0,0.19429993766991116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05339796810289718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295792795331336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594896142962237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429812309442979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221914832904874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577416117901277,0.19087133333414105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045843771639408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440618502495138,0.07001973502510013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260868386397296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728631867826372,0.27413656197887554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360350575205808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354238659457102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22262052930584736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446737915235058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202842474279095,0.12568845030106598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113850136865632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mrfishy14,2020/02/06,"Do therapists have a problem diagnosing BPD? I am 17 and I go to a community therapist and have been through a lot of hospitals and none of them suggest that I have BPD. Once my therapist asked if I thought I had a list of mental disorders like depression, anxiety and others. He asked if I thought I had a personality disorder and I said idk. He then chuckled a bit and said it was a trick question and that I didn't have a personality disorder. I have done research and I know I have at least 8/9 of the DSM symptoms. The diagnosis makes sense to me, but no one else sees it? Do community pediatric therapists not diagnosis BPD? Am I in the wrong, what can I do to get better? How do I tell my therapist he is wrong?",2.1276488095238086,4.311239006944446,4.81031746031746,78.89500000000002,79.06944444444444,9.392063492063492,29.73015873015873,9.784248007369934,3.2856742063492064,563,28,116,19,14,200,80,144,0.171,0.7759999999999999,0.052000000000000005,-0.9247,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,1,8,1,0,11,0,20,3,0,2,0,20,31,13,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,2,6,8,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,10,3,19,3,10,21,4,4,0,1,1,0,13,2,0,4,2,85,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793657703789279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397790113269486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175532739165757,0.11326428198359678,0.0,0.3919951651283909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935668798899145,0.1053004895665154,0.0,0.0,0.35670734993119063,0.0,0.0,0.10616866523003783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666686846539237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05420325187247429,0.0,0.0589615133019603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057016350152502324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05068528786793118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820154411451017,0.0,0.0,0.06925157851391796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455204664716757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048661130741903,0.07030129729954993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18117484277930596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992713665214355,0.0,0.0,0.11621979691739236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19737331327100774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267250948455476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783231265941803,0.0,0.0,0.09067899306984824,0.0,0.0,0.6022882760343399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647262271269156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22686097081016396,0.0,0.0 bpd,tiredanddisappointed,2020/02/06,"I think I'm my friend's FP and i don't know how exactly to handle it To preface, i myself have a bpd diagnosis (as well as c/ptsd and a couple other things), but I've been told it's atypical/ ""quiet"" bpd. I tend to implode instead of exploding, and I've never quite had a favourite person. I made a new friend months ago and we clicked really well, i tend to fall hard and fast for people and he's just the best the vast majority of time. But he's progressively gotten clingier and clingier over time, along with some angry outbursts and possessive behaviours, as well as often panicking that i must hate him and am going to leave him. He reacts incredibly harshly to the smallest perceived slight and later has overwhelming guilt. Coupled with everything i know about him and his past (he's also slightly on the spectrum, idk if that changes things) his behaviour fits the ""typical"" mold of borderline really well. He doesn't trust psychologists (of course), tho he's aware that he has certain problems, but he doesn't know how to fix them. I've tried to talk to him about boundaries, anger management, expectations, tell him i don't hate him, but to no avail. I want to help him and be there for him cause i genuinely care for him and i know how hard mental health can suck, and I'm trying, but I'm not sure how. ((I'm also slightly worried that this might harm my mental health (panic attacks have gotten more frequent, plus I've almost relapsed into my ed twice now), though cutting contact is completely out of the question. I am supposed to get back into therapy again tho.))",6.41220760233918,6.663019723684214,6.6782456140350925,77.26383040935677,65.57894736842105,9.78187134502924,32.678362573099406,9.586721724236666,2.9544143274853805,1252,48,233,23,18,404,171,304,0.191,0.715,0.095,-0.9847,0,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,1,0,1,3,22,22,6,3,10,0,17,2,0,7,5,56,39,34,0,5,8,0,2,0,2,2,2,1,0,1,10,22,0,0,7,0,0,2,7,11,4,1,6,4,30,11,35,30,4,22,0,1,1,0,30,7,1,6,13,149,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450648919540168,0.0,0.10675808111577456,0.0,0.0,0.1705176525403717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128831695184646,0.0,0.08197924760133668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118843548101667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685520959689749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869963093341843,0.10952149527708482,0.11278301115956944,0.0,0.11178229037522586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359317550057905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581739420865368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473874563440652,0.0,0.055701185347220634,0.0,0.060590943667217775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910096193644569,0.21051763856808886,0.0,0.22665045988753066,0.0,0.0,0.07146082266858057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23436809991685015,0.0,0.0,0.11288836739138025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088032929359247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148827875650958,0.11310014029514676,0.0,0.0,0.08509792729429459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222695081563536,0.10296804163367301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250880427420174,0.0,0.0,0.10177470761830834,0.07391241934750048,0.09309084925058213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020147794691702,0.12462554762070945,0.0,0.11943158805937715,0.11339664552180515,0.0,0.0,0.1365987544368748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048201958989696,0.0,0.0,0.08569194193907938,0.09318495155911363,0.0,0.12192189854884795,0.0,0.14165862530580595,0.06831366506748009,0.10474728244579637,0.0,0.1243344496482775,0.0,0.0,0.1018738264272778,0.0,0.14476721933873596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288344058188791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834335807077171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827124641316824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,diabeto0,2020/02/06,"Feel like I can’t talk to anyone I feel like I can’t talk to anyone in my life, because no one wants to hear. All my problems/feelings/emotions are so repetitive and I can feel myself being annoying when I start to talk about it. I went on a night out and I started raging at some guys for no reason and I started pushing them and shouting at them and I feel like the worst person in the world, I promised myself I would never be violent and evil again. I was doing so well , I went on holiday for the first time, I got engaged to the most amazing person in the world, I haven’t hurt myself in over a year...but recently I just can’t control my emotions and I can feel it ruining my relationships and I just hate myself",3.171183648566199,4.271517369127518,4.660512507626604,85.77495424039049,73.29530201342281,7.297376449054301,26.968273337400852,7.686295010490155,1.4720818791946306,564,20,117,7,11,189,79,149,0.193,0.647,0.16,-0.7458,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,2,2,9,15,5,0,7,0,12,1,0,2,2,24,26,11,0,2,2,0,5,3,0,1,1,2,0,3,2,9,0,1,6,1,0,3,7,8,1,2,4,7,28,7,18,19,4,26,0,2,0,0,10,12,0,2,14,91,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19326495282575865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842452830530255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550027676336307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109122284154833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493897226277227,0.29618978063058704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755263420650287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053096247026947,0.0,0.0,0.1368394772722074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644363858941558,0.0,0.0,0.15576115893084436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479456874883147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761456836454938,0.2025522469492497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658816463751536,0.0,0.0,0.12969110066035958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364772521087968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413413769510821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209235706063866,0.13645557762970476,0.1483748084761795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934554767295455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332391651974365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058538385388785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151379141790073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242581696835063,0.2562251000827666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817313513076097,0.0,0.0,0.08899610601712307 bpd,fhp0223,2020/02/07,"Can we stop being clingy to our FP? [23F] Yeah basically the title sums up everything. I caught in the deep shit lately and I feel like I become more and more clingy to my FP, who's also my boyfriend. I don't want to make him uncomfortable because I understand that he also needs some space to be alone.",1.3038641686182686,3.7449923606557407,2.8970960187353647,89.81295081967217,84.40983606557377,6.108665105386418,18.550351288056206,7.447530270364453,0.4462908665105387,238,6,50,4,7,78,47,61,0.184,0.742,0.07400000000000001,-0.7115,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,1,4,1,1,1,0,10,10,4,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,10,1,6,7,3,7,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,1,3,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930959838272099,0.0,0.4526196985587778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17251024873686846,0.3125441555412405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543363659849846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309004794648694,0.20217065722932115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192290642548811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382563598305887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18890040010829887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098361404160165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904888246543623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365952894352143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946062783339521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691693497114146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,piccininew,2020/02/07,"I miss the one I was as a child I am pure soul, I know it. But the world is forcing me to grow, to survive in this environment where everyone is more and more perverted. I can't take it anymore. I feel lost. Because I would love to be myself, but if I do that, I'm going to be stepped on, so I create a shell that doesn’t fit me. It’s more comfortable daily to have it, however, it’s becoming tiring and heavy to carry. (Sorry for any mistakes, English is not my mother tongue)",0.6879207920792076,2.5769451683168327,3.3034554455445537,89.3676584158416,82.46534653465345,6.4162376237623775,22.971287128712873,7.554174236665415,1.0101556435643566,366,13,81,6,10,128,71,101,0.087,0.769,0.14300000000000002,0.8236,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,4,0,12,2,0,0,1,11,20,7,0,3,4,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,3,0,1,2,1,13,2,10,15,3,8,1,2,0,1,3,5,0,1,0,59,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055947684471676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29983012312395513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18429756286915494,0.3338997339404935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888892726268218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286713282520534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182110712500315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615266228426467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300289105703474,0.0,0.27286463022409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20486663346768372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384336847050592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22731453579421104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474838623359235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21476655888775825,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,YuukaDesu,2020/02/07,"How to apologize when you snap? Hey guys, NON BPD here, but I relate to the bpd experience. Today I snapped at my best friend over something I should have ignored, and after her and the friends visiting us went to the store, and I am a mess. I’m trying to think of how to properly apologize but I am a MESS right now. Sorry if this post doesn’t belong here",3.8067123287671234,4.5644313150684965,4.9752328767123295,85.39682191780824,71.46575342465755,8.579726027397259,26.928767123287678,8.841846274778883,1.802832328767124,278,9,60,5,5,92,52,73,0.14300000000000002,0.654,0.203,0.7228,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,1,1,0,1,6,6,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,2,0,11,8,9,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,9,3,9,6,1,10,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,1,4,42,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23863323068980896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5727829809478672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22243240850937315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513640415340079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22515322257831946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217778091018284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941910012119783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750569982928632,0.0,0.2545460398375963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570321849711376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21554044576599315,0.0,0.0,0.15438382474206128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735238394139821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21079409297335994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BPDBPDBoo,2020/02/07,"HULK SMASH Have you ever been so overwhelmed with different emotions. That you end up just feeling super angry and it ant to destroy everything?? Sometimes when I feel that way but I don't want to damage relationships I just say or type, ""HULK SMASH!”. I think it is a pretty good way of letting other person know I've nearing my limit of emotional rationality and any further antagonistic or incendiary behavior towards me will be met with my full wrath.",5.267969018932874,7.631900891566267,6.378864027538729,70.44819277108435,70.20481927710843,8.598278829604133,32.339070567986234,9.23628265651192,3.344020309810672,366,17,58,8,7,122,66,83,0.099,0.696,0.205,0.8711,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,2,5,5,1,1,1,0,7,0,0,0,1,16,13,7,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,5,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,9,2,9,8,1,10,0,2,0,0,6,5,0,2,3,42,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522931274754016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23397923644415197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5038253878261935,0.19835250904525456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025748619993851,0.0,0.0,0.2012710899670284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264708768806114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18783795380878895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307661702071622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290032178878185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19554379295496244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278368355178161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404376174109515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17809338306568326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214914734295592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349759708381266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209103348429788,0.3555208831267768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwawaysocklet,2020/02/07,"I messed up at work. I am living in constant case of anxiety about being fired. I work as a social worker and I fucked up a date on one of my notes. This was a note for a client who was decesaed and was in hospital at the time of me writing note saying that I saw him face to face. No one knew where the client was after the last time I saw him. The date of the note he was in hospital and not with me. I made a huge mistake with the dates and it night be perceived as fraud. Which it is not. I just messed up the dates. Saw him on a Friday, write the note for a Friday and he was ambulanced to hospital on Saturday. I am freaking out that I will get fired and I can't think straight, can't relax, can't stop ruminating, scared of the confrontation. Can't tell if I'm overiinflating this or being paranoid. I have been fired before and it traumatized me so much. This job is the only thing stopping me from isolating and creating meaning in my life, and not to mention, pay rent. I'm really scared and can't manage my",2.8130660377358474,3.9601646933962265,4.216179245283018,88.43436320754721,74.23584905660377,7.752830188679246,24.099056603773583,8.278499904357787,1.2193622641509427,793,23,176,13,16,263,107,212,0.214,0.738,0.048,-0.9868,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,3,4,9,2,2,17,0,21,4,2,1,0,29,32,15,0,2,6,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,11,13,0,2,4,1,2,0,9,8,0,2,12,7,22,1,30,16,1,29,0,0,3,1,12,16,1,2,13,123,33,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487921731113276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655054029602207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210185692874488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17981236418872018,0.10161836264298893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930115047055724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854367851720855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738129177123273,0.0,0.0,0.1717473005873417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404085697274916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118678122172296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429800769115928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825253262752101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635968314250197,0.1479262187910306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460185253166757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467442026296427,0.3894573994373761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19826852984526935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32522186739672304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17000180770615975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921733593368645,0.12462791854474001,0.0,0.0,0.226829341505307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831970240612975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,quantumscio,2020/02/07,"Anyone have experience with lamotrigine/lamictal? I was recently prescribed lamotrigine to stabilize my moods and help with hypersensitivity to sound, but after doing some research I read that it hasn't been proven to be effective for borderlines and also read a lot of horror stories about blindness and permanent scarring from the rashes that can develop from it (they're supposed to be rare, but with all the warning labels I'm kind of unsure?). I've had skin reactions to lots of things in the past and I also have struggled with acne for a long time, so I'm just super concerned about taking something with a history of causing skin conditions. Has anyone had good/bad results with lamictal? Has it been helpful and did you have any side effects?",9.529968253968251,9.276810822222227,9.325502645502649,62.55333333333337,59.2962962962963,12.158730158730158,40.76719576719577,11.491704259439757,5.033052910052911,611,29,93,15,7,199,89,135,0.079,0.8059999999999999,0.115,0.7315,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,3,6,4,0,1,6,0,16,4,3,4,1,22,19,10,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,11,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,4,5,2,23,11,4,7,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,3,5,71,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273953052934349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920228526180556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28626048918875274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709150482110744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102821781102412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002348227437276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17169174251351718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744107428825967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21316242562403687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18115210300872853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480554039546349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19540828163792112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095086295661912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021154887820245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758722956840798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21399575644843052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390811300683468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359928669803325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936158660010684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,heliotropisk,2020/02/07,"The guy who tried forcing himself on me six months ago trash talked me to my boyfriend (who believed him) and now I want to do all bad things at once I am so hurt and feel so, so humiliated that someone who is supposed to love me would listen to someone who still makes my heart sink whenever I hear his name. All I want is to turn off my feelings for a while, but the only way I know how to do that is by self destructing. What a lovely way to start the weekend :(",12.217079037800687,5.106252907216497,11.252989690721652,71.97336769759453,61.16494845360825,14.170446735395196,44.70446735395189,8.841846274778883,3.93608178694158,360,12,83,3,3,117,66,97,0.146,0.76,0.094,-0.7694,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,0,5,0,7,3,1,2,2,14,19,8,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,8,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,4,14,2,12,18,2,12,0,1,0,2,15,3,0,0,7,59,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003567710479248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016057701496708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21611395428694527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397856591788248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899306407940497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161935818251453,0.22730604728836715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053458533130404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541852443256423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462476771975865,0.0,0.12804045159040586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153107832180521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20428062305687955,0.0,0.14588674206608027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001087067027738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250546728992655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577024177239172,0.0,0.15318663748757685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417658082620722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743580084646078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023228548859095,0.20864363062887456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262792426012699,0.3045134633321825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362624794821059,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,philosophy100,2020/02/07,How to understand someone with BPD One of my good friends has BPD and I want to understand her better and be a better friend however I can. I’ve read the DSM and I browse this subreddit but can someone explain to me what bpd is like and how I can be a good friend to someone with bpd.,1.1540000000000001,3.1919117333333347,2.8633333333333333,92.345,81.66666666666666,6.666666666666668,25.0,7.793537801064563,1.3075,224,9,50,4,6,74,35,60,0.0,0.6609999999999999,0.33899999999999997,0.9615,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,2,2,8,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,2,0,13,11,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,8,7,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,34,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513163772802223,0.0,0.0,0.7157790006090098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293119002282892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383398780357699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941309725810982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627706563569592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421184201938499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36115169593766205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958205217597521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380244825897712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GlisteningOcean,2020/02/07,"Wife says she doesn't know if my diagnosis is right.... ... or if I'm just a generally bad person. I've heard more recently from her that I have zero people who will vouch for me, and that I deserve that. I didn't expect when I shared my diagnosis with my wife that she's cut me even more. First they say, ""Get help"".. Then you do, and they don't agree with it. WTF?",0.2650974025974051,2.201022441558443,2.4156980519480515,94.88640422077923,84.32467532467533,5.927922077922077,16.118506493506494,7.1686216300943375,-0.3060896103896105,276,5,68,4,8,93,55,77,0.187,0.813,0.0,-0.9228,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,2,1,3,3,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,11,11,7,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,2,3,15,1,4,8,2,5,0,0,0,0,15,1,0,3,4,46,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888094586400218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284616364716036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942197216129391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807168509179666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318473970737055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19009588713678024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398013540456006,0.3020238262610652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34153145383554145,0.0,0.0,0.2953940578066394,0.0,0.5501421873070018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ripred06,2020/02/07,"Recovering drug addict and confused So I’m (18m) a recovering drug addict. In March I will have two years of sobriety. When I was using, I was clinically insane, constantly in psychosis, suicidal, and just deluded. Most of that stuff went away when I got sober but I’ve noticed I still have self destructive tendencies and I disassociate very often. I’ve got everything I want in life as a result of my sobriety and I still work on my sobriety constantly but at the same time I feel like somethings missing. Recently a friend got diagnosed with BPD and I started looking into the symptoms and it was like a therapist wrote about my brain while I was using. Now that I’m sober, I feel like I still have the same symptoms but I’m just better at dealing with them. Do any of you have an experience like this and would it be worth my time to see a psychiatrist?",3.1365963855421697,5.539808969879523,4.8056475903614455,79.08750753012049,76.77108433734941,8.728313253012049,27.84487951807229,9.354420925462401,2.818856626506024,683,29,128,19,16,230,93,166,0.086,0.7659999999999999,0.14800000000000002,0.8859999999999999,0,0,3,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,1,2,11,9,1,1,9,0,12,10,1,3,0,28,29,15,1,2,5,0,2,4,1,2,9,0,0,1,6,10,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,9,4,19,6,17,17,3,24,0,1,2,0,6,8,0,3,19,88,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689827791710343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389575536313591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591007223134432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911064167517463,0.0,0.0,0.1553800570007866,0.13772159750382196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26663804508924593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718893887438226,0.0,0.1252178408809988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28613980884017365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087690170571177,0.12067942471270575,0.0,0.0,0.1247590459176795,0.17627094735416618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953152705606488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960105119530101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713980140311214,0.2410891853354657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359963564152433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045743683457798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181288238239825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830982914215916,0.0,0.12870170067463782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497616820988394,0.0,0.0,0.08732184273754719,0.0,0.2955700592463089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122900743846262,0.1349466353203924,0.0,0.0,0.2564571052613758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324195039059162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438759493110988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051445565142305,0.0,0.0,0.2131039475020886,0.0,0.10179307914036904,0.07276675720414498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436512351476752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981474885149275,0.0,0.0,0.08763842981374324,0.0,0.0,0.0794461639682754 bpd,peculiar_pandabear,2020/02/07,"I broke up with my ex(FP) then got back with him, and now I want to break up again. We've always had a somewhat strained relationship once the honeymoon phase ended. We've broken up and gotten back together 3 times. Every time I say I don't need him but I just run back because I have no sense of self without HAVING a significant other. I don't want to break his heart again. I love him, I really do, but we aren't right for each other. I hate this. I hate my brain.",0.9162244897959226,2.959533887755104,2.8013877551020414,92.43289795918369,82.57142857142857,5.960816326530613,17.963265306122448,7.1686216300943375,0.07345795918367326,363,8,82,5,10,121,64,98,0.209,0.705,0.086,-0.9009999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,0,7,5,2,1,3,0,7,3,2,0,0,14,15,5,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,1,18,1,10,12,2,17,0,1,0,1,9,4,0,1,10,56,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655531539163878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4589707953633311,0.0,0.12128599759605592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22210850810617372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762221619319977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763490801808192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15912888606500333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39286954051865264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357721120050227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795718747995803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14752854284548653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118891006833644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274607920173823,0.0,0.0,0.21361180130204202,0.0,0.1699133141895736,0.0,0.15822336274283175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075618003688772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232033849686944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347070637470393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917932312042198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chronic_reverse,2020/02/07,"Oops. I've been my father's FP Came to the realisation that I have been my borderline father's Favourite Person the whole time. It's a bit of a shock as I become sure of it. No wonder I never knew how to deal with that as a kiddo. I can't blame him. He must have suffered; and he's not a trained mental health professional to recognise that. I blame people not taking a mental illness seriously, leave them undertreated, and perpetuate or worsen the condition like they just don't care. How do you think can the system be designed so that mental illness is recognised and treated in a timely manner? Raising awareness sounds nice and all, but it doesn't change how the system works.",4.652272727272724,6.278937257575759,5.470121212121214,79.35518181818183,70.36363636363636,7.40121212121212,26.83636363636364,7.908726449838941,1.6743127272727265,546,18,99,7,10,178,87,132,0.09699999999999999,0.8079999999999999,0.095,-0.0823,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,2,1,5,8,0,0,11,0,12,3,0,3,4,21,18,12,0,1,5,2,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,7,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,4,1,11,5,9,12,3,7,0,1,0,0,10,1,0,2,4,67,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141947647726328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117354842790038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22181908212192047,0.19773777590447872,0.0,0.20516593842129546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19994667834560964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20615229997119064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20535759414981128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947507350471823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5863466710292219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495807688956186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344556305112588,0.1693435141389245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18278894694929426,0.0,0.14582097131146124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427081930573565,0.0,0.0,0.22617940218046526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165303915450274,0.0,0.0,0.21032286979415585,0.14119278656013834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Depressed_peeps,2020/02/07,"I’m doing the same thing I did the last time I thought I was over my bpd and things went back to a calmer state but someone I got attached doesn’t have a reason to need me anymore and has got a girlfriend so I did the same old things that I do. I blocked him, canceled any of our plans and I ceased all ways that he or anybody could talk to me and I dread my future and having to deal with yet another abandoned situation making this the 2nd in not even a year.",4.042424242424243,3.906088747474747,4.671262626262628,90.9602272727273,70.61616161616162,7.408080808080808,27.61111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.9082444444444446,362,11,85,2,6,116,70,99,0.115,0.866,0.019,-0.872,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,8,0,10,0,0,2,1,19,17,8,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,7,0,15,0,8,9,3,12,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,1,7,62,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269813683586074,0.22003513709676087,0.0,0.0,0.20810451676473368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135371462032594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642856547329537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16753986121134973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21633543347867076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859708950763738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356558255475565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17104729665604618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006957531871705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559341884791944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201913816392421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157500773867574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23586852403637784,0.0,0.0,0.17779642848345056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866113741539526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4182243568321311,0.0,0.0,0.16658921841676455,0.12235916950338264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665609225755283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19452342939070005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512983497149164 bpd,snorting_anthrax,2020/02/07,"Constant 180 degrees in what I think she thinks of me. So I go to this help center for people who struggle with employability, job stability, etc. We do solo counselling as well as group activities, volunteering, classes, etc. Couple months ago theres this girl who started an internship there. We see eachother sometimes during coffee breaks. She loves to converse, always smiles when she sees me, enjoys my casual flirting, all traits that stand out from miles away to my BPD. I asked her out right before the holidays and she politely declined, said she couldn't accept due to professional reasons. I moved on during holiday break, everything went smooth. After holiday break, she acted like her usual self, very talkative and always looking for excuses to be around me. I try not to give her too much attention but when we see eachother's eyes she's like a magnet to me. I want to believe her internship is the only reason she said no, but at the same time she's such a nice person that it would be stupid to believe she's giving me special treatment. I really don't know if what I'm seeing is legit, or if my head is blowing everything out of proportions.",6.0663410852713175,7.514044967441863,6.52,73.84666666666669,66.76744186046511,9.268217054263566,31.077519379844965,9.558583805096642,3.0458124031007747,928,36,155,19,15,301,143,215,0.048,0.795,0.157,0.956,2,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,3,0,0,0,9,12,1,1,6,0,9,3,2,2,1,28,28,12,0,5,6,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,0,3,9,10,0,0,7,4,0,4,4,2,1,0,3,9,32,10,26,21,5,29,0,0,6,1,32,11,0,3,12,104,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817317826951968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20307924747477996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863352202720047,0.1140825749859024,0.0,0.11465220478926245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038394502991856,0.27497444891174144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536938574230655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187223147081228,0.0,0.0,0.13502505495106149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27219379509469754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193473094450292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341266387804773,0.06935306778014648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252390810614352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179485213795266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109700463895108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706508322559608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192364309565303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247536226151187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013780269130932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740403371179562,0.12969971227076982,0.08970687557434939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281012564761768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460097695384168,0.10655282104939487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781762265263228,0.2509365229558257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421386474760716,0.23215897975978814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3889718450388893,0.0,0.1273050172294228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069184593214008,0.0,0.08637421755840892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757336737605404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638516111438278,0.0,0.0,0.07115729671767422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285108439872982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343999802629892,0.10068841068822297,0.07197708523698162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972058488665737,0.11312402200728353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668736900068581,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wednesdays_blues,2020/02/07,"Three months sober With bpd, it's really hard to control my emotions. I am doing emotion regulation training, again but most of my bpd I have to control myself. I dont have the resources to get the kind of help I need so I have been making it work. When I got back with my bf, after a long break, i had thought about quitting drinking. He was the only reason really I drank but with him back, I didnt need to, or so i thought. I decided to have a good night hanging with my friend and my boyfriend but that night, my bf did something I perceived as a threat and I got jealous and then I got mean. I really hate the person I become when I drink sometimes, you either get the good happy person or the mean cynical one and I dont likr the 50/50 odds. After that night, I resolved to stop drinking. It's been three months since that night. A couple of times, I resorted to the same old thought pattern of ""I'm not feeling well. Drinking will make it better"" but when I go to leave my house, I cant do it. Does anyone have tips on how to stay sober? Does anyone have any success or horror stories? Theres not much information with bpd and alcohol.",1.6464191080425437,3.763315317596572,3.0475648441873484,91.25647135659638,80.37339055793991,5.597238290725882,23.005971263295393,6.7026698264267655,0.6117700690427315,891,30,187,9,23,290,121,233,0.132,0.741,0.127,0.4036,0,0,6,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,0,7,12,13,4,0,12,0,19,6,0,6,0,41,38,20,0,2,10,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,2,8,10,6,3,11,4,0,2,6,4,1,3,13,2,32,9,23,24,4,24,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,4,19,127,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582906853066728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06097810790123787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539753183493454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379001077176108,0.0,0.0,0.09903254911688164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930509061446046,0.0,0.0,0.3388055274244915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20114318922960545,0.0,0.09921722686307316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569401832190952,0.0,0.21018318992545196,0.35136658186297903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017314856654376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04533942468659472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927817537044073,0.0,0.0936968767600044,0.0,0.050961053576959035,0.15042048456388973,0.2151498709278279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954544948089346,0.08032596009404265,0.08852973735551571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010335195748776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034661785795596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337663793195343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494669979797872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935439036095554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197097294590444,0.0,0.0,0.1953520188125088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314614593068425,0.0,0.06591715462188548,0.13297710108358754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365937524829405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409270594727287,0.0,0.06076214767189458,0.06819744154081248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659131444589927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953741958472042,0.0,0.0,0.17233309192962173,0.09219483722988554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417526089442085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903170497816642,0.08868509820427277,0.0,0.0,0.09557540030466094,0.0,0.07496743806084062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21356190545399306,0.0522868119102735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062334924576885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528022094661777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,matkatatka,2020/02/07,"How to have a functioning relationship? I’m new here. And have no medical diagnosis but have been feeling like bpd fits my personality to the t since I was a teenager. I’m 30 now, divorced. Met a lovely man who is in the middle of a divorce himself now. I want to make this work. I really really do. He’s older and wiser and I want this to work so bad. But I feel like I’m screwing it up so bad, like usual. Does anyone here have any good coping mechanisms when it comes to relationships? He’s my current fp and I try so hard to not lash out verbally when he’s ‘bad’ because I know logically he’s a great person. And he’s so understanding. But I don’t want another relationship where 5 years down the road he’ll realize I’m just a mental abuser and I’ve ruined his life.",0.2940683229813672,2.6188497577639787,3.527139751552795,84.11269720496895,88.68944099378882,6.946708074534162,21.093478260869567,8.07648339933343,1.386053167701864,605,21,127,15,20,218,96,161,0.157,0.652,0.191,0.4473,1,0,0,0,3,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,13,11,1,0,9,0,9,4,0,2,0,24,25,16,0,3,5,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,3,5,8,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,3,3,12,6,11,21,0,18,0,1,0,2,19,8,1,0,12,70,17,2,0.0,0.167017810648766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585950513772787,0.147811736177532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856443370347084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35309402955469804,0.08592958521347956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775376514329844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142692910098528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335745415365215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255000567500464,0.20140763630282013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823286839455205,0.0,0.15541193165574768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262749378317705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746944197161579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995661604588476,0.20660184088232147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272243871788593,0.0,0.09409373151345624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200514254559699,0.14205729916212362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614270421786598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24616647561387384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060869690024986,0.0,0.0,0.4540237252379803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660584507340375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570445552900148,0.0,0.0,0.14674719608767844,0.0,0.0,0.15525055619398898,0.0,0.249430449939004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052451245407463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077539060380184 bpd,Lostgirl789,2020/02/07,"Cheating Paranoia Correct? Hey all, please help. I have been having rediculous paranoid thoughts about my boyfriend cheating for the past five months. Tldr: when you had really intense thoughts about your SO cheating, were you eventually right? He has done some sketchy stuff in the past, like deleting all his IG messages with females right around when I started feeling like this. (He told he he did this, I didn't ask him about it.) He sent me the IG chat logs, but of course if you unfollow someone, then their chat history disappears. I feel like he uses my past boyfriend's cheating as a way to tell me I'm being paranoid and honestly when I call him on being a liar, he gives me this dead, cold stare and can raise his voice. I have tried looking through his messages but it looks like he deletes them often, same with Instagram (he gave me his password). It has been getting worse and worse, so I finally looked through his Google Locations and it showed him going to a movie theater in a particular town when we took a break, then going back to the same town another time, to an apartment address nearby, then going to a diner the next day. He lived in this town for a while and has some family there, but never mentioned seeing them at either point. I'm losing it and the anxiety is so bad I can barely function at work today. Has your paranoia ever been correct? My gut is screaming at me right now, but I don't know if it's screaming for the right reasons. My increased paranoia seems to line up with when he went to those places though.",5.9075985727029465,6.7298366983050855,5.385263157894737,84.1069759143622,66.76271186440678,7.973238180196255,32.814451382694024,7.85451343220497,2.244322033898305,1226,51,232,13,19,373,162,295,0.192,0.7390000000000001,0.069,-0.9926,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,5,3,2,18,14,5,0,15,0,22,2,1,2,6,37,47,26,1,2,7,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,12,11,1,0,7,3,0,8,3,9,0,1,15,11,35,5,29,30,8,52,0,1,5,0,42,19,0,6,27,152,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202292234117704,0.08771328465996422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020701948000348,0.10719003153727276,0.0,0.0,0.08816515425386483,0.09573489012109754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707894252303387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394511720702106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733524806511868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371499547147783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808963967234343,0.0,0.11594936182242355,0.16382382297982342,0.0,0.12560256175534346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05990422871581402,0.10999068787541057,0.1954888603315403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768530407149133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630132023833596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22406501249120156,0.0,0.1012453783756928,0.0,0.2888522803932752,0.12827330777083182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151916010587202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843154840527279,0.0,0.12194040142084553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283629598534096,0.0,0.0,0.11979351835026167,0.1258603807145335,0.1083891530940383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345304213072884,0.11788782736019238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39167024237654136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136781919145404,0.10438060885769684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714960439500783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115573395180826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125632023596218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021640681920843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126511963053953,0.18205176339825813,0.06685817602045813,0.0,0.10868266050979472,0.1095609179663409,0.12738958866424824,0.0778454584382806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902795638165783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101042059113283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628939159273257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347260701595413,0.0,0.2336932037837067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tabbyrecurve,2020/02/07,Amitriptyline? Just saw my psych and was prescribed amitriptyline. Does anyone have any experience with it?,7.436041666666667,11.3582521875,3.452500000000004,79.80916666666668,89.625,4.633333333333333,30.33333333333333,6.42735559955562,2.220483333333334,89,4,11,1,3,23,15,16,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41586042909836907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42759502706457103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5351528128912696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5981923296017184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Crisps-are-life,2020/02/07,"How do you guys manage rejection What the title says really... how do you guys deal with feeling rejected whether its actually being rejected or the feeling of being not needed and rejected. I'm just looking for some positive ways to manage this so that I can stop feeling so low and so it doesn't negatively affect how I interact with that person.",7.056692307692307,7.7974884769230774,8.356730769230769,64.09201923076925,64.23076923076923,12.03846153846154,36.25,11.698219412168324,4.901692307692309,281,13,44,9,4,97,46,65,0.23600000000000002,0.659,0.105,-0.9033,0,3,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,7,5,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,4,0,18,12,10,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,6,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,5,4,0,5,10,1,3,0,5,1,0,8,1,0,2,1,37,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.2746223427700588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901285126131317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4268785880375821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5572940383633921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23631935655681305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20866709838908384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24572242101908276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028290062146007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22379404936907274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352771664647112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233756715174144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,neonutopia,2020/02/07,"Sick in bed. Without a mom. Does anyone else have a non contact relationship with their mom? I’ve been sick, mentally and psychically, for the past couple days and I find it extra hard to deal with the feeling that I don’t have anyone to take care of me. I have my wife, and she’s wonderful. But I find it hard to rid myself of the need for my mom to take care of me. Not that she ever really did to begin with, but still. Just looking for any support or validation or anything.",1.8932199546485224,3.801431224489797,3.8280952380952407,87.01134920634924,78.59183673469387,6.804535147392291,22.113378684807266,7.793537801064563,0.9501120181405902,372,11,79,6,9,126,62,98,0.068,0.816,0.11599999999999999,0.6858,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,5,0,6,2,0,0,1,19,16,7,0,1,7,4,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,12,3,16,14,1,6,0,0,1,0,10,1,0,3,5,55,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031335108588675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21208738933191576,0.1553928543843041,0.12480266503893694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092534865642322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678081084549649,0.0,0.09780768898959523,0.15635405810164246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271805773667367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266918677503771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718450120555628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668348870094732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772276683323793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717138515030812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273555986374099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283688336037587,0.0,0.0,0.5328645465038476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245343427839036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477594314140768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715681807560672,0.0,0.0,0.16282530956715585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111529672703693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210115343415666,0.0,0.0,0.2280578083068793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619413371995968,0.16446801955398274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,simplycurious2,2020/02/07,"I can't eat and I love it I've been going through relationship hell the last few days. I can't really sleep or eat. I lost 5 pounds since Sunday (it's Friday today). I'll try to get my sleeping schedule and else in order, i'm picking my meds I've been off right now. But I'm really digging this no appetite thing. I saved money and also lost pounds. I'm not overweight but i'm not satisfied with my body either, I've been trying to lose weight and turns out this is working. I also secretly want people to notice me getting thinner and I want them to be worried and care. Some of them know I have problems but... I don't feel that they are taking them seriously. Ah. I know it's shitty... :(",0.16708333333333414,2.4685626527777806,2.5258333333333347,91.2025,89.13888888888891,4.866666666666667,19.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.14391944444444427,538,16,113,6,18,183,91,144,0.2,0.726,0.07400000000000001,-0.9541,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,4,4,3,9,1,0,1,1,10,8,3,1,0,25,28,12,0,3,7,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,8,4,0,4,0,1,1,6,6,1,0,5,2,18,3,10,22,3,12,1,3,0,1,7,4,1,2,6,65,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24674316137046834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136185559664555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729099114805553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994929338646526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157183539397955,0.12887479245745698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800475963240283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120192085569118,0.0,0.08767655880865248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956815038308687,0.12575259456940546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17259135164954234,0.3368130920623765,0.0,0.13923686210005964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136185559664555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756401472658592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069530558428498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761784963450994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19766169664482586,0.0,0.0,0.1656308202720133,0.0,0.1317477846861187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276157215654038,0.0,0.3087676227152359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599364361634053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249172599615064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623219439983245,0.0,0.0,0.2094816626331082,0.16780406823841582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18198771441981287,0.0,0.0,0.18786221914470266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231214288426213,0.1566711084014075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jay__Bee,2020/02/07,"Things that help you stay in control? Hi, newly diagnosed here, in therapy for two months. Quiet BPD. Last time my therapist asked me to think about something like a ""first-aid kit"", things that might help me to get out of intense negative emotions when a borderline episode comes. Honestly, I'm very confused as nothing comes to mind. I have never tried anything like that. Everytime anxiety rises I just disappear in the void of despair and can't think about anything else. Like, I fully focus on my pain, not being able to come up with anything that may help me to stop it. I would appreciate if you could share some of the tips that you use. I'd like to try something to see if it would help me too.",4.648444444444447,6.136711955555558,4.883888888888889,84.09250000000003,70.18518518518519,8.362962962962964,29.796296296296298,8.841846274778883,2.3373851851851852,554,22,107,10,10,174,92,135,0.115,0.69,0.195,0.8836,0,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,3,0,1,6,9,0,1,4,0,8,2,0,2,1,24,18,5,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,4,2,1,0,0,9,6,0,2,2,0,0,5,4,3,0,1,0,2,13,6,21,12,1,18,0,1,1,0,10,6,0,6,10,67,22,0,0.13211426291606185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106704951814782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261563445455441,0.0,0.12350900171196247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639328926375704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414142179176567,0.0,0.0,0.14817737976415746,0.10548248870306083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409319587641585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036451413442372,0.14861076368692452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237632454579972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902424955852861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35421362233398057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769075733237042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25817742204641225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015235511009366,0.13339774400237026,0.0,0.10545234421601056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189466414682817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676719840933615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057889049080874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052779626528198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20341602822337052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081622590650114,0.0,0.11045343948292256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108417351669892,0.1533948419514725,0.17554169169424946,0.1693069702729681,0.0,0.0,0.07703688914111452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17939382462405287,0.0,0.1290564379157741,0.0,0.0,0.11410430483940424,0.0,0.10900810303066236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770036366437715,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Acymmetrical,2020/02/07,"How do I know when it's time to leave? I have been in a Qpr with this person for half a year now. Before that we had been friends for over five. They are diagnosed with borderline and sturggle plenty with it. I know very little about borderline in general because there isn't exactly good information on the internet. I wanted to get some answers from people who might actually know. How would I know when it's time to actually leave a person with borderline? How far is too far? Is there anything I could have done to prevent them from hating me so much?",3.8461111111111137,5.797423981481483,4.714074074074077,82.63833333333334,73.07407407407408,8.503703703703705,26.814814814814817,9.150863307647796,2.2406592592592585,442,16,86,10,9,143,71,108,0.08800000000000001,0.872,0.040999999999999995,-0.5948,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,2,0,11,3,1,0,4,0,14,1,0,3,1,23,21,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,10,2,17,14,2,13,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,2,6,66,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.35830272607015456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510738727055271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191101582116801,0.0,0.1562163414955436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14657677219058213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18633375137378771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878700256010161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418364332256132,0.0,0.09591498861623617,0.0,0.0,0.1539814299418867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18125105220747956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035715487095152,0.0,0.0,0.3887775962308136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18399925484071508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19475346173122346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349552589968854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727393171477136,0.3205966871436021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21409844778492826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147590923676474,0.10828251589196206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304127053845502,0.0,0.0,0.1182219854639912 bpd,mew_x3,2020/02/07,"Mushers stop mushing Am I alone in going to great lengths to avoid engaging with moving messages from loved ones? Upon reading, massive squeamishness. Innocuous things like greeting cards (ones with the small cursive or print), texts, emails (when people still did that) trigger me for some reason. It’s probably not a BPD thing, and rather a my being a dick thing. It’s like if I know it’s come from a place of vulnerability/asks for vulnerability, I subconsciously nope that shet hard. It feels draining being the recipient even as I’m rationally aware the contents are positive. Don’t get me wrong. I can be super affectionate at times (newer trait). When I do respond, it’s often mush for mush. I sometimes initiate the mush. (A sad aside; I have actually physically mushed before.) I love and appreciate these senders. But I do avoid certain messages the way one may avoid certain types of mail. And people. So is this a thing..? Is this some sort of aversion towards being validated? Of being exposed to another’s vulnerability. Or just avoidance of the overly saccharine, Hollywood type gesturing/posturing. Oh and they hardcore make me cry. May edit. Too much sleepiness at 4am~",4.265649920255186,7.443809287081343,5.082805023923445,74.13192683413081,78.13875598086125,7.502472089314195,30.23943381180224,8.472884824447931,2.970985486443382,947,45,150,21,24,306,141,209,0.147,0.669,0.184,0.8966,0,5,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,1,1,9,16,0,4,12,0,17,3,1,3,2,32,26,12,0,2,7,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,14,7,0,5,3,1,0,3,3,6,0,3,1,2,14,10,22,18,3,18,0,1,0,3,8,8,1,9,8,104,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.15409809144099945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16354789062186045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558316659317046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476252141160035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437039868708853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19888303374286853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360261096322998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345751957687242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429854642342716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984440866451839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250183775299125,0.0,0.08974430566553222,0.0,0.0,0.17409713487846645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145699528505062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678360627913294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429441045278855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850411941802661,0.0,0.1054066370065001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16783411311606966,0.11608255437762953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210131877665613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21895083168971768,0.0,0.1649831009707036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025447270587693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795346069022878,0.0,0.0,0.16235852817775606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617774756565245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610771120639527,0.13202043921901593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4196354834619169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207901526732497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253421855919659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17265059161303653,0.0,0.0 bpd,specialsnorkel,2020/02/07,"This subreddit makes me feel normal I was recently diagnosed with bpd. Before that, my psichologists and psychiatrist thought it was just depression. Since I found out about that, I came here and read your stuff. There are so many things here that we all go through and I thought I was the only one... I feel really understood and normal and that's amazing. I thought I was fucking mad or something but now I see that there is an explanation and an entire community going through the same. I feel welcomed and valid. Thank you 🖤",3.2583209647495366,6.137534683673472,3.778423005565866,83.84125231910949,79.71428571428572,7.645269016697589,27.276437847866426,8.575989854853784,2.368681632653062,421,18,78,10,11,132,66,98,0.049,0.8590000000000001,0.09300000000000001,0.6314,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,1,2,0,0,8,6,2,0,4,0,6,2,0,1,1,27,21,10,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,11,0,0,8,1,0,3,0,3,0,1,10,4,15,3,5,11,2,6,0,1,1,1,4,1,1,1,2,58,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545864831635312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300959727798505,0.0,0.0,0.20895260764301352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735357889282886,0.18542998028865504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771258543820316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003139102841258,0.0,0.1688971271473528,0.0,0.0,0.20765776672796096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194927954900485,0.18522245766359585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580015332152825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379779264262546,0.1389465818788401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18274286402152845,0.0,0.11703808592244146,0.0,0.1803877164799441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455830059978128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15112588871949326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064632383965034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091402621323616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819955972331332,0.0,0.0,0.1213733933998467,0.0,0.0,0.4351145162037531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,some_girl_somewhere,2020/02/07,"Just ask for help Does anyone else ask for help in the kindest, gentlest, most sincere way possible, only to be met with cringing, excuses, judgment, and half-apologies: “I’m not sure what you want me to do, sorry you feel that way, there must be some other resources out there, I can’t help you with that, that sounds hard...”? No matter how I go about it, the result is the same: lots of papers with general information and hotlines, a bit of pity, and then never seeing that “support” person again. That’s the last 5 years of my life. I was raised to be humble, grateful, to not complain, to have faith and trust. But most people just make me feel bad for asking or speaking up. Consolations are empty. They blame me or say it’s a matter of poor choices. They give vague suggestions in a professional manner. All of which leaves me disappointed and mad at myself for making the effort...",4.942678571428573,6.270206005952383,5.3223809523809535,81.83928571428571,69.29761904761905,7.504761904761906,26.5,7.793537801064563,1.5170499999999998,691,21,128,8,12,220,116,168,0.15,0.698,0.151,0.0472,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,3,2,1,7,11,1,0,8,0,10,1,0,4,4,36,24,10,0,2,7,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,10,9,0,0,3,0,1,1,5,5,0,0,2,7,14,6,23,18,7,13,1,2,1,0,20,5,0,6,5,90,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160145114155202,0.17000375303450646,0.0,0.0,0.4653359589488061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853554060472095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18114071401508205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14519694615355389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860414033742716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778739185393332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916474534028996,0.0942956634861606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863094796091916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33363628022415764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352462334420227,0.0,0.175684398670275,0.0,0.0,0.11719358621694928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105850845767018,0.0,0.0,0.22150461132132204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796705933793331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261889726914335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502743150063775,0.14487418190390552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18704888589405472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319455493025147,0.0,0.0,0.13221606260321025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18573287868592564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882830590975317,0.1563768136323829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786339992538948,0.2633977602378236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684647792058716 bpd,armalavi,2020/02/07,"Is it normal to feel hurt when my friend doesn't text me everyday if we did before? I'm going to try to keep this short. This friend and I had an argument (basically he lied to me and bailed on me last minute for a school picture for a bigger group of friends) that caused us to not talk for a month or so until school started. He refused to apologize at first but eventually came down to his senses.1 We used to text everyday, even if its just a meme, or a today sucked kinda thing. I rely on him so heavily to make my day good, just that tiny bit of attention is enough to make me feel okay. My father is abusive to my mom and I, this friend knows this, I have an eating disorder, this friend knows this. I helped him through a really tough period, and now when I'm really struggling, I feel like he's abandoning me or playing with my feelings. I don't want him to be my therapist, but sometimes he just doesn't talk to me for days (and I know its not because he's busy). Is it normal to feel hurt when he doesn't text me everyday if we did before?",5.348241590214067,4.6604373256880764,6.217935779816514,82.83987003058107,67.94495412844037,10.018960244648321,29.175840978593268,9.516144504307137,2.206778593272172,819,24,181,15,12,272,113,218,0.154,0.737,0.109,-0.8928,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,4,0,0,1,10,15,1,1,8,1,13,1,0,4,0,43,32,19,0,6,13,2,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,13,10,1,3,9,1,0,2,6,6,0,1,4,5,29,9,27,27,2,24,0,3,0,0,27,6,1,7,17,117,42,2,0.0,0.14062411426704155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235019883832439,0.0,0.20198696770046354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295749364588532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574575640536193,0.0,0.12192374613149115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530859688792732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602503040465333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144593648125925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263489843044552,0.0,0.07839132477642329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000573443176878,0.08478967108862584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095469028759893,0.0,0.0,0.4584845410924594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745228244792803,0.09954861898052557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955307019273776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541127412513989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549402916422856,0.0,0.0,0.19568101661200166,0.0967453518102518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057984236865042726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15844834273377967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900421365242205,0.09473444511961956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23257517323552154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206724319919024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24023418209870315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738399960595558,0.0,0.08400692724131256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407691663131085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079145236397813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780419339675676,0.07885004777110106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125009399737573,0.0,0.0,0.08058035390296102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276526584115953,0.10250704320596493,0.0,0.0,0.07000438248202928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dannyhowyoufeell,2020/02/07,"Digging myself a huge hole in school My college classes started a week ago. I went the first couple days and ever since then I’ve been oversleeping and basically on a drunken partying bender and been too hungover to go. Sometimes I get in my car, get halfway there (I’m commuting this year) and then turn around and go home. I REALLY need to go but at this point I’m too scared. I don’t want to have to explain why I haven’t been there because I don’t have a valid fucking reason. I really need to do well this semester and am just needing advice... Should I tell them that it is because of mental health? I have thought about making up lies about being super ill etc, but maybe if I’m honest I’ll be lucky enough for them to excuse me from some of it? I do this every time....",3.235188679245283,4.487132471698113,4.420267295597487,86.97115566037735,73.33962264150944,7.061006289308176,25.199685534591197,7.492282038375204,1.1508402515723273,609,19,126,7,12,200,101,159,0.07,0.787,0.14300000000000002,0.8628,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,2,10,6,1,1,5,0,16,3,0,2,1,23,35,11,0,6,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,7,7,0,0,3,0,0,5,3,2,1,1,5,0,16,4,18,27,3,23,0,0,0,1,5,8,1,3,10,84,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560383408520332,0.14154749545613005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214986756898626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19468000585087905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766838938995515,0.0,0.1029809793049168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649930693163111,0.17808642858933985,0.0,0.14444052840372906,0.1345380568269037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358245036740152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476224317101898,0.16685337370929215,0.0,0.2722510294193249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697333443142072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601729760904675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658824987960708,0.0,0.1604209404487876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092080372165007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552041227378865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509500769388839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045913644404784,0.16417857416728618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598684512376784,0.1616056096855636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208970196201944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792850674227854,0.0,0.1130229726348038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956815685028234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267688089968943,0.09311122493526244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17368698064577354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418394012740122,0.0,0.12808639721666662,0.0,0.1435723183800008,0.1480258068331805,0.14408718789403754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282927311914797 bpd,holygucamoleayy,2020/02/07,"SO w BPD seems to sorta ghost me? Hi, I have always had this problem with my girlfriend w BPD of 5 years. We currently have a long distance thing going on. It often feels like she is avoiding me or going out of her way to ignore me. We can have a great talk all day and it will be perfect and she will say that she wants to talk at x time tomorrow but she ALWAYS flakes. She will leave me on read when I hit her up when it's time to talk. She also rarely and I mean rarely goes out of her way to hit me up first, but if I wait for her to initate a conversation it can take days and she will always seem to think that because I didn't go out of my way to hit her up that I no longer loved her and such. It feels really bad when I have a heart to heart convo with her and the next day her actions just completely oppose her words ya know? I should also mention that we are coming off a few months of not talking and she said she has made great progress in therapy in the elapsed time and her thought processes are started to get sorted. What do I do?",3.1097333333333346,3.4987049511111152,4.1577777777777785,91.97,72.82222222222222,7.2444444444444445,23.88888888888889,7.0316486544052195,0.5829555555555559,814,20,193,7,15,265,123,225,0.071,0.8340000000000001,0.095,0.8619,1,2,0,0,1,0,12.0,3,1,0,3,9,9,0,1,7,0,20,3,2,1,2,45,43,18,1,4,6,0,2,1,1,5,0,2,0,0,12,17,0,4,8,1,0,5,3,4,0,1,5,4,39,5,30,29,2,37,0,0,0,1,34,12,0,7,18,134,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838541140765985,0.2869477684231182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598010192309353,0.07007366018677999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895559899647321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990209524019896,0.12052496419116746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22240355247499013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624635022358845,0.08212171762637847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777809563845373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005766518868201,0.0,0.1959895782584257,0.0,0.0,0.2534699279825595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27243730002838584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317460206623818,0.0,0.0,0.12171754928060508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05615973107897634,0.0,0.0,0.10172888515286344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374865015924956,0.1087703430918258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125216405770132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175357389313736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225273504895848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099935204513986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498308784259127,0.0,0.07364118203249484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934565691279738,0.09141442849303293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20929593096693772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813636032431341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642958316311572,0.3695761895380925,0.0,0.0,0.1314576075279255,0.0,0.0763689878112223,0.07365658735733173,0.0,0.09125903202135206,0.2010882722292343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780165622755188,0.2737305939355393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402530640279645 bpd,Becca2843,2020/02/07,"I avoid crying in front of my family because they get ANGRY if they see me cry I've never understood this, but if I'm sitting alone minding my own business and they see tears in my eyes, the first think they do is get confrontational and go ""WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? WHY ARE YOU CRYING? CUT THAT SHIT OUT! SHUT THE FUCK UP!"" I've made it a habit to avoid crying in front of people period, because I can't take another ""WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU SHUT UP!""",0.5230791788856308,2.828096752688172,2.2986705767350952,93.64073313782991,86.84946236559139,5.532355816226785,17.056695992179858,6.980632752743323,-0.012797849462365727,350,8,77,5,11,115,62,93,0.44799999999999995,0.552,0.0,-0.9956,0,3,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,4,1,0,8,4,2,3,0,4,3,2,1,1,15,15,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,2,0,0,3,2,8,0,1,2,3,13,0,11,13,1,15,0,0,3,1,7,8,2,2,3,44,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375489009211305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579274207370526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927654992251477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6947082459078718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905259505553925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448878914553014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617069493639798,0.16521251753561428,0.0,0.08985789333493177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960806550634587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596466260854831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194463608669065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096139768070296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519873430299921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229825101358514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887948839728657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131088339977576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267021713373548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457382243993564,0.0,0.0 bpd,Papabackwoood,2020/02/07,"The news I needed. Today I was following up with a new psychiatrist after years of not seeing one, because my previous one would still refill my Zoloft even if I didn’t come in, anyway he only deals with kids now etc. When seeing this new psychiatrist I let out a lot about how I feel like I have depression but something more and explained how I think and react to certain things and my mood changes and everything and how I was always told I was bipolar and then she told me that I’m hitting all the markings for a BPD and when she explained what it was I feel like my life was summed up and it’s shocking and upsetting. Any good advice on moving on and living with this would be great, thanks.",5.0644524380495595,5.718274661870506,5.459232613908871,83.43083133493207,68.56834532374101,8.19216626698641,27.67466027178257,8.167268648758528,1.6802607513988803,554,17,110,7,9,177,91,139,0.069,0.7859999999999999,0.145,0.899,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,10,10,0,1,5,0,11,3,0,4,2,34,26,18,0,4,3,0,2,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,7,15,0,0,5,0,0,3,2,3,0,2,8,4,17,6,14,13,4,19,0,1,2,0,9,6,0,2,12,83,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551000856364056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324174348278712,0.0,0.0,0.10822082581811687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701041811816123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20043157143656792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834928118134665,0.13708523244498394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406660790331,0.13706726244545328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748344338817382,0.10511063294229807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302499351497328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093218207585575,0.22737964999349436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334792896971389,0.0,0.17545268527736535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627316857015023,0.1124054635261705,0.15549577341481066,0.0,0.14052375460288954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529534797358644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16914089854445793,0.0,0.11800047746211645,0.0,0.3073972864433317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21567510130635956,0.12103332976784036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536283474593359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251393782945047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708960765374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651495922763386,0.0,0.0,0.10572570947599977,0.10197064514177713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084634736013,0.3041306536134332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22609733250018044,0.0,0.0,0.1024811021190967 bpd,HoneyBunChloe,2020/02/07,"Does anyone else implode potential relationships by being too emotionally vulnerable and overloading the person with thoughts and feelings? First time poster. So the past few guys I’ve seen have all stopped seeing me because I would be too forthright with my emotions. Basically saying things like “I’m scared you’re gonna stop liking me. I’m worried I’m gonna get hurt. I’m getting attached. I’m worried all you want me for is sex. Etc”. My new way to combat this is to be overly mean and lethargic towards guys I’m interested in and the guy I’ve been seeing for the past month picked up on that and said that he didn’t even know if I liked him and that I was hurting his feelings. So I switched it around and went back to being overly caring and affectionate. Which has resulted in over attachment. This guy has talked on the phone with my mom, and I met his dad today. When I asked him what he thought about us and our “relationship” he classified it as two people getting to know each other. This made me flip my lid and I proceeded to overload him with my fears of abandonment and the fact that my main reason for wanting to have sex with him is so that I can be close to him emotionally. His response was “I don’t know how to react to that”. Feeling like the lowest of low right now and pissed at myself for falling into the same pattern.",4.948846960167714,5.9307791320754735,5.424874213836478,82.39081236897275,69.0,8.153039832285115,29.43920335429769,8.344100000000001,1.9993102725366867,1070,39,210,15,18,343,153,265,0.152,0.762,0.086,-0.9509,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,1,0,1,12,14,1,2,8,0,19,3,1,6,3,48,50,20,0,4,1,2,3,4,0,3,0,2,0,5,15,22,0,3,10,0,0,2,2,7,0,2,11,8,31,7,35,31,7,31,0,4,3,2,29,15,1,1,17,141,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260447174246101,0.10639214467833304,0.0,0.09243596059718316,0.0970725445464398,0.0,0.0,0.07984339346682667,0.0,0.06329739752011355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586761474710413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086749101877488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674156592767912,0.3504042161652947,0.0,0.0,0.1158044701518162,0.06858262902068495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684424941479295,0.1575076445432985,0.07418038378152339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832275882107432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274990763055971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4112554424627763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223169453045843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711964762295693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20291589240541935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825203402720682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310772965113605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161134467908988,0.08288082034140291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028535395501598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19824622116213075,0.07198673509112992,0.0906654979443125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067605933946014,0.0,0.22296178239857345,0.0,0.08867528655729286,0.09877171385451697,0.08257447097774316,0.10395784471742174,0.0,0.16548752848326928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362291453894912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345935876907003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689839544104136,0.0,0.0,0.1648682033094676,0.06054754511181256,0.0,0.09842428677795563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143258098547514,0.0,0.12490179611262907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249020174821967,0.0824200998947457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962569144931332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21090078236749726,0.0,0.07376204025875648,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,harambexoxo,2020/02/07,"DAE get extremely euphoric after listening to a good song? I can be depressed, even suicidal and then i listen to a song that i like and suddenly feel alive, motivated and super happy, it’s like an orgasmic feeling.. pure bliss and it’s like i was never even sad to begin with.",1.5288095238095245,4.209870240740742,4.025978835978837,79.93833333333333,87.33333333333331,7.530158730158732,24.38095238095239,8.418075326091056,2.364828571428572,219,9,39,6,7,76,39,54,0.10400000000000001,0.439,0.457,0.9765,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,2,8,0,0,3,0,3,1,1,1,2,10,9,5,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,4,6,5,7,0,5,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,26,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785843555629758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4272672762060833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327088959340582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689876642940394,0.0,0.0,0.2712919280494077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443152574967134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4740594769677819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24946220217283804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35379842951496304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rorororuf,2020/02/07,"Is it strange to realize your cats are the only thing you've ever been capable of loving purely? Insert any cat replacement, same outcome.",5.9208,8.17394608,6.749000000000002,68.93950000000001,68.2,9.8,32.5,10.125756701596842,4.0382,112,5,16,3,2,37,25,25,0.061,0.7170000000000001,0.222,0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852997259378992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5125118914041462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5113683973456987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4309162163230639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764163374077042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,unholy7n,2020/02/07,"Guess what I won! A brand spanking new BPD diagnosis! I was diagnosed last week after years of being under diagnosed by the VA hospital. Im a veteran and I was given the cookie cutter PTSD/depression diagnosis. I thought there was more there and I kept digging and discovered BPD. After I read up on it so many aspects of my life started to make sense. So I scheduled an appointment to see my current therapist and she agreed with me and set me up with another therapist that specializes in BPD and DBT and my first session is coming up on the 18th. Just knowing what is wrong with me and that there is a possible way out feels like such a burden has been lifted off my shoulders. I want nothing more than to find myself, be the best I can for my wife and kiddo, and to be happy. Shit, I'd settle for simply being content. I hope you're doing well and if you need an anonymous someone I'm here.",3.2110299625468173,5.060125533707868,4.8155280898876365,81.67347940074906,74.56179775280899,7.892734082397005,27.59700374531836,8.648137234880735,2.2095561048689145,707,28,134,14,15,238,114,178,0.053,0.8190000000000001,0.128,0.9097,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,3,9,10,1,0,10,0,14,5,2,1,0,28,29,14,0,4,2,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,16,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,3,1,1,8,2,21,7,24,17,3,22,0,0,1,0,3,9,1,3,11,99,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466943926685703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14681346101990442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5285868083198539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050903452405412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049323743741527,0.2839853888312724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073621840920727,0.09994257442037106,0.0,0.0,0.12786348944497228,0.11899647112214536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15411251757610836,0.0,0.0,0.14892315109021878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894946713019626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111296250291112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688383232810342,0.11403487475514128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881351654857436,0.0683466964040428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338245497439797,0.14183378431577806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037319874556436,0.0,0.1351135696526132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342351187024622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771305220977572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16353231878345414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993503966971302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114799411108059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436024464389689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853442790617195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901994511649716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248628206046217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106273544862316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251498226298545,0.11104387100133546,0.11221708053587864,0.0,0.12578436714960514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295560654888676,0.0,0.0900891981803342 bpd,DriedFilth,2020/02/07,"the way my friend looks makes me feel more insecure and jealous Growing up I never had any real friends and i’ve always find it hard to make and maintain friendships. Until recently I finally made a real life friend for the first time ever where I actually feel comfortable with. I’m very terribly insecure i’ve always been but I feel every year it gets worse. The way I look makes me feel su*cidal I really hate the way I look and it’s literally stopping me from following my dreams. Now my friend she’s very pretty and skinny. I’ve realized that after the last time we hung out that I feel so jealous and she makes me feel even more insecure. She knows I have bpd and I have spoken to her about this and she’s very understanding. It’s just that that I don’t want to ruin the friendship but knowing me i’ll get so upset about it every time.",1.9659869281045736,4.378305023529413,3.641568627450983,85.77594771241833,81.11764705882355,7.071895424836601,22.38562091503268,8.167268648758528,1.4178169934640519,674,22,133,14,18,224,93,170,0.204,0.644,0.152,-0.9225,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,1,9,14,3,4,7,0,5,2,1,5,2,36,28,13,0,1,3,0,7,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,10,11,1,1,11,1,0,2,2,9,0,1,3,10,25,5,12,25,2,22,0,1,3,0,10,3,0,0,14,80,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.1107582732127504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18887987520094648,0.0,0.0,0.07718294838304375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294752895824978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496476297944052,0.10266599272463013,0.19125495200030265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34432985172024005,0.0,0.0,0.12433218198341647,0.10373567542236856,0.09654186162381094,0.0,0.0,0.3507549852054123,0.0,0.118596680866725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167246320266801,0.11205638193533517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475173812690832,0.0925165174654549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016742640546494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859307468755006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739513122012312,0.30304482010987394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753712675714538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546889217550528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583725375641642,0.07271011732405858,0.0,0.11206618705100356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948899219967668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19854586065481866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815605812609092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809447249995599,0.06694442216985919,0.2702697465048147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566478237012295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308938510956663 bpd,Trische,2020/02/07,"I had an alcohol relapse in the midst of a bad depressive episode and losing the remainder of my friends I(f25) don't think I've ever felt as low as I do now. I live in a small town so I didn't have that many friends. Unfortunately the last of my social ties were burned. My best friend (who is married and expecting his 2nd child) since childhood said something incredibly inappropriate while blacking out and at that moment he realized he fucked up. We haven't spoken since then and unfortunately since he was the catalyst to our friend group, I no longer speak to them either. I'm also dealing with a difficult breakup at the moment and I have nobody to talk to about these problems. I've been isolated in my room since the beginning of the year and now I only leave the house to get alcohol. I was sober for a month but relapsed two weeks ago. I've been constantly drunk since and I'm worried about my deteriorating mental health. I don't know what to do anymore and just need some form of advice or support.",4.526565143824026,6.152241487309643,5.225401015228428,80.99096108291035,70.67512690355329,8.502064297800338,28.86937394247039,9.029198982220553,2.3107918104906937,811,31,158,16,15,262,123,197,0.139,0.7879999999999999,0.073,-0.7845,0,0,3,0,0,0,15.0,2,0,1,2,8,13,1,0,13,0,15,5,0,0,1,24,26,16,0,3,4,0,1,0,4,0,3,2,1,1,5,11,3,0,4,1,0,0,5,7,0,1,9,4,18,6,24,17,4,26,0,3,1,1,19,11,1,2,15,99,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464944135790472,0.11307359548861333,0.2726441306347209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200910133881076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126504518656639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650666146641798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338655830410938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784625353578067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150800523726255,0.1098666114810938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538466172258582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247690221112745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942078992406967,0.11792648873407212,0.06664445324135851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355895380138499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471862699985089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010323828303383,0.10397782934935017,0.0,0.135066847773708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263717152711225,0.0,0.0,0.14270619362119974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932507755390518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854974089855142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181659153478193,0.0,0.0,0.0945835816708832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701457212044524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205699318389562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133807560410888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5275917274175284,0.0,0.0,0.13003061083485784,0.0,0.09820135726343612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447527468231427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252730856840098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173482896199577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460687073288683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232035134072716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954262955063028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214398704543895 bpd,FlirtatiousEuph,2020/02/07,"DAE live the idea of “I hate you, don’t leave me” in your relationship? I am sure everyone has been there, but now I am stuck with the man I love breaking my heart multiple times and I feel like I can’t live without him. He comes back and says “I’m sorry” and “I Love You” which makes me just automatically accept him back into my life. I love him and he makes me happy and I can’t imagine life without him, I would be nothing with out him. I don’t know what to do when I can’t let him go no matter how much he hurts me, makes me nervous, or stresses me out. He is unhealthy for me...but I love him!",0.12746153846153874,1.9104057461538453,2.379230769230769,95.81576923076923,83.84615384615384,5.230769230769232,19.23076923076923,6.297961479604792,-0.2527692307692311,457,12,113,4,13,155,74,130,0.165,0.591,0.244,0.9545,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,0,0,7,12,1,2,2,0,14,7,1,4,1,28,28,9,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,11,0,0,5,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,2,2,31,8,11,23,1,12,0,1,0,4,21,4,0,1,6,76,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22392167075783356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542534204601818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391312929036789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362198547234862,0.10401984906063257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275036509688552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549986458511804,0.0,0.1437542510191066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254197578020564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587257651775427,0.16436970241782028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002039851739301,0.0,0.0,0.15417409024250328,0.0,0.14889041639862569,0.20568945989524096,0.07113498011206239,0.0,0.2571427960882896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5256548080939321,0.0,0.29157630552395364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703602512596187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971139794073728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632468968949925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579050376261125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299226235373598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16678940695194702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723047213795253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490312643935534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807149901812044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343322456672498,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ama_ninja,2020/02/07,DAE get so tired of being misunderstood And misunderstanding everyone and everything?,13.222500000000005,17.50268291666667,12.690000000000005,25.45500000000001,53.16666666666666,18.133333333333336,45.33333333333334,14.554592549557764,9.997233333333334,73,4,7,4,1,24,11,12,0.498,0.502,0.0,-0.8377,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5248363854695779,0.4936346911194278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28696290116161355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6312874571600213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PandaMagnet92,2020/02/07,"I'm sorry everyone After 27 years of trying to find happiness and having BPD I've decided that I cannot live with it anymore. At the end of this week I will end my life. Got to tie up some loose ends first. This decision actually makes me peaceful. Love, Mitchell",1.5600628930817635,4.036274849056607,3.4399056603773595,86.1333176100629,83.52830188679245,7.306918238993711,23.927672955974842,8.344100000000001,1.7938201257861641,209,8,42,5,6,70,46,53,0.062,0.747,0.191,0.8555,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,7,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,4,2,8,5,1,9,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,7,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.21745873251495745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22099642302007375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28065793698043745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5921076722019946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21293222720321692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20367082150694285,0.1895467512663564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17822471603468468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372162738214719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739778555081024,0.0,0.0,0.19677093174951146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20112091013379949,0.0,0.14874677205767906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494500318048461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512930628055794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17874801539566354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435010187969802 bpd,bpdvictim83,2020/02/07,"fuck BPD I’ve always thought journalling was silly but it’s become apparent with my new BPD diagnosis that I need to find a way to get my thoughts out of my head so that they won’t destroy me or erupt in a rage at some poor victim. Knowing what I know now, I alternate between feeling empowered that I can now work towards a solution and at the same time powerless when my emotions are out of my control. It doesn’t help that my life is in shambles. My husband recently demanded a separation and it’s like I can’t get my feet underneath me. I partially get it, being in a relationship with me the last few years hasn’t been easy for him. He says I’m not the same person I was when he married me, and he’s right - I’m not. Like I said, I now know it was my BPD progressing. I have been trying for two years now to find a psychiatrist that will listen to me and after two horrible failures (one told me I had interpersonal issues and handed me a few boxes of expired anti-depressants and the other told me I needed to meditate more and to cut my existing anti-depressants in half), I finally found one that took the time to properly diagnose me. It’s almost terrifying how text book my BPD is. It thankfully isn’t to the level of some others. Somehow I’ve managed to be relatively highly functioning. I’ve been with the same company for 15 years and been with my husband for almost 10. But with all the stress lately, it’s been blowing up out of control. I’ve never thought of “not being alive” more than I have in the last two weeks. I almost wish I wasn’t too much of a pussy to actually just go through with it, but I always think of the poor bastard that finds my body and can’t do that to someone else. I went from knowing what my life looked like to not knowing anything and barely able to function. My “impulsive behaviour” presents as drug use and then fucking random people. Until last July, I hadn’t touched hard drugs in two years, then I had a breakdown and used. I used again this weekend and I’m not sure how to process it. When the impulse hits, it’s like a new personality takes over and steers my body and the regular me moves into the shadows. Then when I come back, I honestly can’t explain why I did the things I did. I’m a fairly intelligent person and not being able to explain my actions has been infuriating. At least now I know it’s the BPD, but now I know my brain is trying to destroy my life. I still want to get high. It feels nice not to care, but there’s always some sort of repercussion. It’s hard as well because I’ve cut so many people from my life. I used to think that I just had really high standards (which I also hold myself to) and that they stopped meeting them. Or that it was for my own sanity that I cut them out because I couldn’t deal with their shit on top of my own. I now know it’s because of splitting. This isn’t the person I was supposed to be... This isn’t the life I was supposed to live... I’m pushing on. A good friend told me that I’ll need to rely on my stubbornness to get through this period. I hope I survive it. Or that at least some act of nature takes me out so that I don’t feel the guilt of dying. If anyone needs someone to talk to, please reach out to me. Maybe we can survive this together.",3.8509767985962178,4.6470943228699575,5.197950542665887,83.69937853382727,71.39162929745889,8.328602066679665,28.44482355234939,8.587818076936951,1.949674049522324,2558,93,537,42,46,857,276,669,0.14,0.768,0.092,-0.9891,3,0,2,0,0,0,62.0,1,0,5,7,27,28,12,2,30,0,46,17,7,8,3,109,103,42,1,9,18,2,7,4,1,2,8,3,0,4,43,33,0,5,22,2,2,8,21,14,1,7,29,11,83,14,86,65,17,78,0,0,1,2,30,30,4,15,43,375,126,3,0.11768736594747975,0.0,0.05742294627905325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677034563741684,0.0,0.0,0.047057272014462685,0.14688797430993594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04114487131901587,0.0,0.0484233372806628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04524716000302356,0.0,0.1076116889204181,0.06498822473111941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072413285014434,0.370557793923246,0.06568901097306601,0.0,0.0,0.05999505651761799,0.0,0.0,0.050688622506105584,0.0,0.0,0.13199638806994374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606652533284771,0.1013639558415777,0.05972509956855024,0.06107045270731903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136479981233238,0.0,0.049156346468079336,0.06619122320225736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925940249910619,0.0,0.0,0.06446037844123144,0.16134618058439268,0.0,0.0,0.06451906114675361,0.04546248349744462,0.10880007342949494,0.153716978351645,0.0,0.03344222108718265,0.04935528945874396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105424763734466,0.0,0.06039059513400605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03944168032569547,0.18651474541240767,0.0,0.058445054469183376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614175169557902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25871159413689043,0.1438963661560317,0.06637823744480065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20781516749400814,0.1149922047669354,0.0,0.05196005013206016,0.0,0.04941387353768442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05965825865412476,0.05911638867567834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254152255316282,0.04325687762663873,0.174527381277714,0.04538387590733557,0.11366319138847104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974800493898243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158960132667523,0.20552013706404187,0.0,0.06459269347881075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03769677009159463,0.0,0.05810103798175952,0.06317609388019747,0.0,0.05025218374315248,0.0559738175758402,0.04679485851321327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06040219496609791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971612325736202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046992641234312696,0.04919595381175215,0.06740524003436721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05545947481636663,0.0,0.08848625281909944,0.04729632341519696,0.0,0.054175357384082176,0.0,0.0,0.03909312827674485,0.07540931209158434,0.0,0.140145934133935,0.06862444950070216,0.0,0.0,0.16868298231612933,0.06537749692371148,0.07990199627674784,0.0,0.22992691177517646,0.0,0.0,0.2032881958906976,0.0,0.0,0.034707528805166955,0.04670737659656441,0.04720085308529317,0.0,0.05290753783562244,0.05454868364628962,0.05309727133440323,0.0,0.06766733139549362,0.0,0.0,0.04283890202976441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157361027663704 bpd,lookandseethis,2020/02/07,"I try too hard and expect too much I have a partner. He’s the father of my son. We moved 5 hours from where we started out to. And a life for ourselves. And now I’m feeling like I made a huge mistake. Each night I do or say something wrong. For his birthday I got him A “23 and Me” kit because he’s always said that he wishes he knew about his past. To give some background his parents are deceased, as is much of his family. I thought he might like to see his ancestry, and I even got one of my own so that we could teach our son about his origins. When I gave it to him, for his birthday, the first thing he did was google why one shouldn’t do ancestry tests (eg. policy or health or insurance, etc). I spent a lot of money on this, as I do for any and every present I get him, and again it’s just sitting on the dining room table unopened.",1.96095770151636,3.105127988826819,3.371847565841982,93.6608519553073,76.37430167597766,6.231604150039905,23.958898643256184,6.5431188927421005,0.4939446129289706,646,20,151,5,14,212,112,179,0.040999999999999995,0.8959999999999999,0.063,0.3612,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,4,0,0,1,11,4,0,0,8,0,11,3,0,2,0,29,26,14,0,5,4,4,2,2,1,2,2,2,1,1,6,12,1,0,3,0,2,1,1,2,0,3,10,5,28,2,20,13,7,18,0,0,1,0,29,6,0,6,12,102,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425611582501108,0.0,0.0,0.1165109888699259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444181755393496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367939017123801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910794095394334,0.11316254235052052,0.0,0.14435379867349604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615156654204883,0.0,0.08663012656254368,0.1223989360151634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573410320257818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951340194921067,0.16435635456003564,0.0,0.0,0.27405818339086546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534789675278384,0.0,0.0,0.18211689384540472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872657177165784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101618714153332,0.16740739306593444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456595314509639,0.0,0.16211758167327156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18175516832617564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18209779124106035,0.2518960700101281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078258369685475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321967064828913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19024285483626224,0.0,0.1635548732852165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297506251508875,0.13624932730812025,0.0,0.0,0.13652866416671453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189901240310348,0.0,0.0,0.12126899869079967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382473629175616,0.0,0.0,0.13601771545995134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632253616290793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459962335747654,0.0,0.19702225151013847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18732360665828235,0.0,0.0 bpd,BeeElEl,2020/02/07,"A list of things to do when BPD feels like hell: At home: • Listen some of your favorite music on the speakers, and sing out loud with it; • Listen a song that makes you feel ""here"" with headphones on, I don't know how to explain better than this, it's that song that makes you feel warm up inside. Close your eyes and pay attention to the notes, the instruments, try to focus 100% on the song; • Open the notes app and write it down everything you are feeling, doesn't matter if it is ugly or repetitive, just write everything down; • Pay attention to your surroundings, the smells, the colors. I like to touch something and feel the texture, while I try to remember memories with that texture, it can be anything: the wall of my bedroom, my skin, cloth, etc; • When I feel unreal I like to hug something, a stuffed animal, a pillow or my cat, something that I can feel and makes me feel less lonely when I'm feeling very distanced from my body; • If you are like me and have a problem with harming yourself, get rid of anything accessible to you that you can reach when feeling like that, make it difficult to get the object; • Lay down on the floor and focus on everything you are feeling touching your skin, or focus on your breathing; • If you feel very suicidal and you have a pet, try to stay around them till you feel better, usually when I feel that I may injure myself I bring my cat to my room and just lay on the floor or on the bed with him. Pets won't judge and seeing them will make you distracted and thinking twice when considering hurting yourself; • When angry, tear down a piece of paper, or get a bunch of ice cubes and throw it on the bathroom stall; • If you feel very numb watch a bunch of compilations of cute animals, or go to r/aww, may seem dumb but it makes me very distracted; • I don't know why, but when I suddenly feel a very strong wave of anger I find something to clean, or to organize at home. It distracts me and I use all that angry energy to do something; • Make lists, I try to list every movie I ever watched, or top 5 characters I like, etc. This one I like to do with friends too, but is very fun to do by yourself as well. In public spaces or work, etc: • Sometimes I go full numb mode, usually when it happens I keep staring at my hands, feeling unreal. When that happens and I'm at work or something, I carry around some hand moisturizer that I rub on my hands to feel something and it distracts me till I go back to normal; • Drink a very cold cup of water; • If you like coffee or tea, drink some, very slowly and focus on the smell and the taste; • If you feel very angry suddenly, make a fist and press your fingers to your hand; • Make a mental list of things around you, mind your surroundings; • Sometimes I dissociate while I'm on a bus or just when I'm walking, when that happens I pay attention to the sounds around me and I try to list mentally them; • Also, walking around is something that really helps me. When I'm struggling with my emotions, when I have a break at work I walk around to make my thoughts calm down a little bit. Some other things: • If you have self harm scars and is considering tattooing something to cover it, do it. I made one to cover up scars on my wrists and the tattooist won't judge you, or say anything. Remember: they cover up scars everyday, to them your skin is a canvas, doesn't matter how it looks. • Do whatever helps you cope with your struggles, independent of how dumb you think people will think it is. Even if it is hugging a stuffed bear at your 20s, doesn't matter, you have the freedom to do whatever it helps you. You got this. • You aren't alone on this. If you guys have other little things that helps you, I would like to know as well! (Sorry for any potentially spelling errors.)",5.288410326086957,5.71760536820652,5.528260869565218,83.9254347826087,68.00815217391305,8.682608695652174,28.90760869565217,8.587818076936951,1.9394255434782608,2925,95,594,42,46,928,271,736,0.099,0.765,0.136,0.9842,0,3,11,0,0,0,98.0,0,36,5,7,34,39,4,6,37,0,40,22,12,16,2,134,101,70,1,12,28,0,32,9,1,7,3,9,9,2,41,38,5,1,34,6,3,8,8,18,2,3,3,52,90,21,94,90,14,85,1,2,7,2,56,49,3,29,35,394,131,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04959626858972215,0.0,0.03829504561201055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032564656714421394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822023443765454,0.2557763537632542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036821982702209814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470394180641871,0.05227996794634437,0.05319142414957908,0.06031173084498125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382163954496264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05386618907415983,0.0,0.0,0.16021927469329386,0.03162877064488705,0.043316339675582384,0.040346682701948015,0.0,0.12911266699882484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4600469607199569,0.0684206592391745,0.0,0.0,0.04376765503182318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03699721221907721,0.0,0.07505660798408564,0.0,0.08164549242295621,0.0,0.03829943745420017,0.0,0.0,0.04741544707404534,0.1270383806275036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839001348166815,0.0,0.0960687019891088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05126379503029708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04256397582713042,0.0,0.0,0.07895197602070325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21055558387977866,0.09599028013720096,0.0,0.0,0.04021283980104415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045311634943345405,0.3196480162621529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651723476656512,0.0,0.04835200305972366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04691888313497139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489865127894721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033198668032759115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045821187128366435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030677501442060055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849278755557976,0.0,0.0,0.03808149441005253,0.0,0.0,0.0381595686672195,0.043594331641922536,0.04995636171211343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317902878848775,0.09472251200002436,0.053605336586417474,0.0,0.051040942534747086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012333251540588,0.0,0.052380371747695664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725541166211335,0.09205175701313552,0.0,0.03801675922584572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625599222458292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04135880811166106,0.10548105917960662,0.35560452342144905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861119435062717,0.0,0.04321037621983982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458645201707056,0.0,0.0,0.034017398967594044,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rdm778,2020/02/07,"DAE experience things in a different way than they actually happened or see things? Does anyone else remember things wrong or experiencing something a totally different way than it actually happened. Like see what's in front of me but not right. Somehow my brain misinterprets the situation. Here are some instances: I was putting books away in numerical order. And I know i'm stressed so I concentrate on not fucking it up. So I remember putting the files in order like 123, 124,125, 126. But when they go back they are not in that order they are in no order. And they know no one else has touched them. This happened repeatedly. Or My family was driving by a house and there were 2 boys using a leaf blower and dog in the yard As they drive by I see the boys holding the dog to scare it with the leaf blower, and it's squirming to get away. But when i tell my husband to stop so I can help the dog. He looks at me confused. So I explain what I see. Then he and my daughters tell me that's was not what was happening at all. The boys are blowing leaves but not near the dog. Or I am driving I see a garbage truck pull out in front of me. So I swerve to avoid it. Then my daughter is like what was that. I explain. She tells me that it didn't pull out until after we past it. I feel like i'm going crazy.",2.0655681818181826,4.137248541666672,3.457187878787881,89.08478181818184,78.73484848484848,6.648242424242425,25.33272727272728,7.699297019823105,1.266768363636364,1021,39,219,16,25,334,130,264,0.102,0.84,0.057999999999999996,-0.8917,4,1,1,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,7,0,11,10,1,4,14,0,15,2,1,1,2,39,37,25,0,0,13,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,19,10,0,3,7,2,0,11,8,6,0,1,7,9,33,4,31,30,3,45,0,0,6,1,23,18,1,7,14,150,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.20331882994025194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284132595679886,0.10673922285733133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957509948729115,0.0801038628811175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629334365805682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21768063923180497,0.0,0.0,0.09116392383727187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740490778626817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190278115370988,0.09820657320296408,0.0,0.052673824818773834,0.07442237902090998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630777006633558,0.05442694637876525,0.0,0.1184096899000373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36848513761369867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982606095938962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020354035897272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450330839058165,0.0,0.0,0.11030589529642007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20357785554789398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748045512741685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059142775201865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944647532590756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20944855988277894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23601910435476944,0.08896456784843995,0.0,0.0,0.10429698159210547,0.0,0.4150684770076346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170966528526482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801987224164382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870946582764321,0.11933169075851292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731596642082296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076269927349064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997343572441913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653779503587804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389860817547835,0.0,0.0 bpd,freebrianwilliams,2020/02/07,"Loneliness I’ve overcome a lot the past year and a half. I went from being suicidal, obese, and skipping school to now being accepted to a really good college and regularly exercising, By all Marks, I should be feeling better. But I still struggle with loneliness to an extreme extent. Like on a Physical and visceral level. Never been in a relationship and missing true close friends. Feels sometimes like like this will always be the case and I will be forever lonely. It’s very difficult to fight through.",6.239120879120879,8.350274010989018,6.8558241758241785,69.06417582417585,67.13186813186813,10.474725274725275,36.07692307692308,10.608840637214634,4.579479120879122,409,21,63,12,7,134,67,91,0.209,0.579,0.212,-0.1689,0,2,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,2,13,1,1,8,0,9,2,0,0,3,17,13,7,1,1,1,0,2,3,1,3,2,0,0,0,2,8,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,5,0,1,2,2,4,8,10,3,3,10,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,1,8,46,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040900537373527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21692751157182508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480387702014123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895003469878887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20572665104503973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594897544278699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20852567393588592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18917268856592007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341445824901595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713068145697265,0.0,0.0,0.26333562952648143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482333469607391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242585154595964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958784724173761,0.0,0.0,0.25641670162745045,0.0,0.2682931503802507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023791539865744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273741706012493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795030062119367 bpd,granloth,2020/02/07,"What’s it like for borderlines to date each other? I possibly have it, this girl I’m talking to has it. The connection going on feels too good to be true",1.7130208333333314,3.6585750937500015,3.6887500000000015,87.61458333333336,79.3125,8.016666666666666,23.166666666666664,8.841846274778883,1.6869041666666669,121,4,26,3,3,41,27,32,0.0,0.76,0.24,0.802,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,5,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727050523370505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30651771342314377,0.4523703862489499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634928730866809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6080215641200385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4334987460538012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cursed_goat_meat,2020/02/07,"How do I interact with my fp My fp is unavailable emotionally and physically at a time when I really need support and grounding, and I don't want to pressure them but with all my messages I feel like I am, but they aren't giving me a read. Should I act as though they don't exist? Because I want to rn as it it feels too hard to sit here wondering and I can't see my therapist soon enough. On the other hand I know she has been needing extra support for errands and stuff. And I want to help with that too so it's a give and take, but she hasn't gotten back to me on when that would work out. Heeelp meeee",1.6524755244755267,3.1344982615384644,3.4513986013986013,91.36723776223776,77.92307692307692,6.881118881118883,22.58741258741259,7.686295010490155,0.7727692307692307,474,14,110,7,11,159,81,130,0.063,0.7909999999999999,0.146,0.927,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,3,1,10,4,0,1,4,0,12,1,1,1,1,27,28,17,0,7,3,0,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,11,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,5,21,3,15,24,3,12,0,0,1,0,10,5,0,1,6,82,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140696430742974,0.0,0.11210311139391543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20686160051152966,0.0,0.19001680576235627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18596969979184227,0.1313774681441057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528253175798425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647373647486678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326360995182856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010660701013856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984375259145598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272717527170299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18394874579801354,0.0,0.11781039566883975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654367767623194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21052033479448767,0.0,0.41737276668249057,0.0,0.0,0.1382691465414898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21352088993461388,0.0,0.0,0.18067981426401236,0.0,0.10723297418572078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254051494031917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994305993373197,0.13388064775529734,0.0,0.0,0.13063655915936015,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,govzzz,2020/02/07,"Do you ever feel like you can’t tell who you really like, and who you like because you know they like you? This doesn’t seem to make sense to anyone but me. My friends I’ve talked to about it don’t get it. I had made a post on r/relationships about how I couldn’t tell if I liked a person (romantically) or if my interest for them grew when I found out from a friend that they liked me. Nobody could relate. And I feel like this isn’t the first time I’ve felt this way. I have had multi month relationships with people I had zero romantic/sexual interest in until they expressed liking me in that way. Sometimes I don’t care to be friends with someone or I even find them annoying, until I find out they really want to be my friend. It’s like a switch flips when I find out someone desires me, whether it be in a friendly or sexual way. I actually really hate it because I never know if my interest in someone is genuine or not. I feel like I’m just desperate for attention from people or something... Does anyone relate to this??",2.936042016806724,4.511459814285715,4.567647058823528,84.31676470588238,74.66666666666666,7.988795518207282,24.257703081232492,8.671277953709913,1.5927450980392153,811,25,168,16,17,273,99,210,0.051,0.662,0.287,0.995,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,6,6,1,8,21,2,0,6,0,16,0,0,3,2,40,31,17,0,7,12,0,4,10,5,0,0,0,0,1,13,7,0,0,12,0,0,1,8,2,0,2,6,4,34,19,24,20,0,22,0,0,0,0,25,8,0,9,19,115,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.09758624665140704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984561298773138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191898300875023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195736656809352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984241259474309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751127635259767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604951159019869,0.0904563478476474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169005828968424,0.21432153542256474,0.09601634311108297,0.0,0.2741964527256333,0.08506053450752668,0.0,0.1096455933171271,0.3863014191580678,0.0,0.052246232337279305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987299766348022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991552625292056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4885528514525514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462306932391464,0.06675123605635315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981959545606808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712669577711395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865577221625916,0.0873167439454364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095773016788635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921890050491008,0.0,0.0,0.21472663035802148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103687099882887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25419077641958304,0.07698541555799952,0.09890323788493052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037676541483488,0.1748100188226425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583112056176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05898299697445755,0.2381276755206389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MALgurl,2020/02/07,"Realizing I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life. -I’ve been single for 10 years (and counting) -I can’t keep any friends no matter how hard I try. -Everyone I’ve ever met ends up hating me at some point. -I’ve been alone for most of my life anyway. I’m not going to make this a long post because I just feel like no matter how much detail I go into about how shitty my life is, it won’t make me feel any better. I’m sorry.",2.0198176291793324,2.888124446808515,3.957781155015198,90.60500000000002,75.80851063829788,6.222492401215807,18.74772036474164,6.1826913282559595,-0.2067641337386021,334,5,77,2,7,114,65,94,0.18100000000000002,0.7120000000000001,0.107,-0.743,0,3,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,7,4,1,0,2,0,6,3,0,5,1,18,19,4,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,3,3,9,3,11,14,5,12,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,5,45,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38340559809493496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517421580166284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283231218456008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637016573663091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16393940259428474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742919974469256,0.0,0.17686638981190508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18717938300614348,0.1322320434761582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300408762646394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155815925703129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580893729585014,0.182743183558754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16452111291171953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922146280120203,0.09042816219980276,0.0,0.0,0.16380342195854972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24710495837633906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360662648118371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17497478624998314,0.0,0.17727003067892722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20719891555767975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566748666218044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919523626045447 bpd,throwawayaccount4547,2020/02/08,"Trans or bpd? How can you tell if you're trans or if its just the unstable identity symptom of bpd? I have gender dysphoria that comes and goes, but it's been that way for years, at least since I was 13. I have an appointment to start transitioning Monday but I'm scared that I might not actually be trans and that I just feel this way because of my bpd. Insight, especially from trans people, would be very appreciated.",4.5305284552845535,5.912204573170732,5.425365853658537,80.50723577235773,70.34146341463415,9.369105691056909,27.081300813008127,9.725611199111238,2.3260422764227644,333,11,68,8,6,109,59,82,0.073,0.867,0.06,0.1654,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,9,1,0,1,0,17,13,9,0,3,9,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,7,0,6,7,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,5,3,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.19008394814016544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874030633804915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7359819693759019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779169506427233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849012595772128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066381538642676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504073329840474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19501570067027704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611297637527884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787119365686984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20245820584915303,0.0,0.0,0.1702523649206536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071961936570914,0.0,0.3092256014729485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837104840939352,0.0,0.0,0.12543639843568885 bpd,arctic_heart97,2020/02/08,"DAE feel like they wanna go “home” even when they’re already there? I don’t understand it. I describe it as a kind of restlessness, but I’ve never really felt like I “belong” anywhere that I am. I feel the most at ease when I’m alone, but lonely because I’m not with my FP.",2.9546551724137937,3.5491863620689656,4.713275862068965,87.09681034482759,73.3103448275862,7.868965517241381,24.84482758620689,8.07648339933343,1.242158620689655,211,6,47,3,4,72,44,58,0.131,0.7170000000000001,0.152,0.2894,0,3,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,11,9,5,0,1,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,3,7,3,5,8,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31212602104172993,0.3325667206563309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837109360014339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19905050546233785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047611006675355,0.2152971254958603,0.2893602264235733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17127419333888505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30229634759980883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31382805526853075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294466044291318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324333278090832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930638480048158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31373437544097865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sossery,2020/02/08,I feel empty one second and (insert emotions accompanied by the following situation) the next! Yay! Heeheehee hohoho I've taken three weeks to move out of my fps house after he cheated on me and destabilized an already rocky relationship and idk who I am without him because I have no other constant positive understanding presences in my life! Hooray! I have no idea what I'm doing with my life and I just passively feel this urge to walk onto the middle of a road and lay there and sleep forever,4.691209677419357,7.006959559139784,6.072782258064518,72.22917338709678,71.68817204301075,9.381182795698924,29.90456989247312,9.827888789773867,3.4076247311827963,401,17,66,11,8,135,72,93,0.138,0.759,0.10300000000000001,0.4344,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,5,1,4,3,1,0,0,14,10,6,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,1,0,3,1,2,10,1,12,9,0,13,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,4,48,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569787985463272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195592246963146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516506843200597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619483880422646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23549302028368385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26870172106656137,0.0,0.2628828699549334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289671681663812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475048839700432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24766081480619484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577993299770338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500161676142001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617566176393537,0.23303904909675344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424267909440633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18679496739517326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244792111097884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,NoThankYou_95,2020/02/08,"How did you know? Currently sitting on my kitchen floor bawling my eyes out. I know, mood. But I've constantly gone over all the symptoms, taking multiple tests, and even asked my therapist. When I asked her about my concerns, she said she doesn't even look at the diagnosis to treat patients. Wtf? -I lash out about stupid things. (I.e. last night it was about my bf cutting potato's) -In order to feel better, I have impulsively changed my hairstyle (cut, color, even shaved it all off), gotten tattoos (don't regret, but literally thought about it for 20 minutes before getting it) -I have constantly felt abandoned -All my bf's have left because I'm a different person than who they fell in love with -my sister doesn't talk to me cos I'm toxic (we have gotten into physical fights) -I've physically armed myself because I didn't want my bf to leave -i numb out when I get anxious because if I talk about why is anxious about the smallest things, I get ridiculed. My bf doesn't want to help me anymore when I get that way either I just need guidance. I feel extremely alone and I have literally no one to talk to.",2.9339167374681416,5.50119518691589,3.5877485131690747,86.66555649957519,78.43925233644859,6.320815632965166,26.549702633814782,7.520522993642371,1.5569140186915886,886,36,167,13,22,279,133,214,0.156,0.7929999999999999,0.051,-0.9577,2,1,0,0,1,0,37.0,1,1,1,1,14,12,5,0,4,0,13,6,2,2,3,29,37,9,0,5,5,1,3,0,4,0,2,1,1,1,8,8,1,1,6,0,0,2,6,8,0,1,9,7,33,3,26,28,4,25,0,2,3,1,22,12,0,1,8,103,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379490169331513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009430566534444,0.13209285126511075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490371851867421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435818353434749,0.0,0.11333844987739534,0.0,0.0,0.11779944172029674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409017975744961,0.0,0.0,0.2878712137576128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915958501790246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639205291849593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346939742359094,0.0,0.12788731500648992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783538783638034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927726141226518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464000926774394,0.10857104625955567,0.0,0.14103342096613278,0.14471588277794253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184957813124502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021296139347265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876180802429978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499372934894636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025583374303932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630003368668285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669818077464515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843976793267768,0.10014545854903599,0.3211693463242269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464872653917633,0.17697660970658075,0.0,0.0,0.10574131303249942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712277451292775,0.10572335244997123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018704411310867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kothunger,2020/02/08,"What scares me the most about death isn’t dying. The fact that I would stop existing doesn’t make me feel as sick as knowing I would never see the people I love again, and even if reincarnation was a possibility, I may never find their soul again.",9.756122448979593,6.630952877551023,9.13642857142857,73.19607142857143,61.04081632653061,12.248979591836735,32.66326530612245,10.125756701596842,2.728746938775509,197,4,41,3,2,63,38,49,0.22699999999999998,0.6940000000000001,0.079,-0.7832,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,4,0,6,2,0,1,3,14,11,4,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,2,7,1,3,7,1,5,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,5,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917737287126774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18568700600059493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421502954663633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569522829000597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450443532055808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537353000073988,0.0,0.1876597853901843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43365726337017213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949036002512868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31693745403279105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814651641603111,0.0,0.22402818420119489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23504143566814115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3994204540631664,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mya_97,2020/02/08,How to practice radical acceptance ? I recently got some bad news that I can’t change and I’m really struggling to accept it. Does anyone have any advise to make it easier to accept things? Right now I just feel suicidal and really want to ruin my relationship,3.655714285714288,6.379447224489797,5.8115918367346975,70.85126530612247,76.75510204081633,10.450612244897961,24.08571428571429,10.355215969177356,3.5066212244897965,210,7,34,8,5,73,38,49,0.244,0.55,0.20600000000000002,-0.6593,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,12,7,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,4,3,5,6,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,21,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19271738610431746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19815541504093584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366218433496457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997928834542175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479996750120768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329233414762474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266557740856073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18916744834037166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630984316507197,0.0,0.2798170203600509,0.3042587010767953,0.0,0.242016611235228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962645530035226,0.0,0.30998663412649785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827413504017268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715290520922196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,R4WM347,2020/02/08,"Broken friendships and current FP I'm feeling sick to my stomach. I'm terrified. My FP has told me that these outbursts will result in them leaving me, but I can't stop myself. Once I get started my brain just goes. I was doing so well, not triggering myself. For some stupid, idiotic reason, I decided I was going to unblock someone that I have an *extremely* passionate hate for and see if my FP had been interacting with them on social media. (They weren't from what I could see, which makes me feel even worse about starting this up again.) But that got my brain on that train of thought; they're still friends. They still interact and socialize. This person is still yucking it up with the only people I've been able to get close to in years, in my place. This person replaced me in the only group I've been able to feel comfortable and welcomed in. They all liked them more than me immediately. I miss those people horribly but I made a scene (twice) in reaction to this person being welcomed in more than I was and broke everything off with some very not-nice words. I'm livid. Seething. Instantly, just thinking about it, the same anger and bitter resentment washes back like it's fresh, like the situation is playing out again in real time. My FP gets angry with me for saying anything about it but fuck, I can't get over it. I don't have any friends. I don't leave my house, they're literally the only person I talk to other than my family. That person stole *everything* from me. It's seemingly impossible for me to make friends and I finally did, after years of having just my FP, and then that happened? I get it taken from me by some insufferable loser? And I know it's not my place to dictate who my FP interacts with, or anyone else, and that makes me feel so much worse for hating them so much and being upset my FP is friends with them. I'm not controlling who they talk to or anything but I guess I wish that person was just out of the picture. They've done nothing but ruin everything for me. It definitely feels like a betrayal. I keep alternating between intense self-hatred and fury. I can't even talk to anyone about it because I have no one but my FP. I wish that was an exaggeration. It happened months ago and it's still a gaping wound. Why wasn't I good enough? Why were they better than me? Every time the subject gets touched on, in addition to those emotions, I get the unbridled fear that this'll be the last straw. They're ignoring me now and I'm losing it. I hate myself for being this way. I was doing so well about avoiding it.",2.8817801135882,5.112456083665343,3.9954522336187175,85.44094812240401,76.80876494023904,6.9815037721454605,24.62507417139951,7.987972078202968,1.4634677799440534,2022,70,394,34,47,656,225,502,0.195,0.6629999999999999,0.142,-0.9908,1,1,0,0,0,0,64.0,0,0,10,4,25,35,9,3,14,0,36,8,3,8,1,74,80,29,0,4,17,0,6,4,4,1,3,1,0,6,37,24,0,5,11,1,0,1,11,18,2,2,20,10,67,17,61,54,10,45,0,5,2,2,35,21,1,8,26,276,104,0,0.1419440165908129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291240314793636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048263399374742236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925055676306974,0.07271920958255633,0.11680783124020835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545730935385412,0.0,0.04326387751851492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276897385820868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845646622010484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960114217565553,0.05666537357900665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262900544117132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059288006001618064,0.07983395676117278,0.0,0.07333305658283648,0.0,0.09375268425232837,0.0,0.05979697798649804,0.0,0.1913551942631957,0.0,0.06690609307392474,0.0798632407251511,0.17942789932202424,0.05070241690711615,0.0,0.07774636600325892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21933119022140976,0.06561247804139765,0.25955961550912665,0.0,0.040335027864852484,0.059527953314060474,0.05676279845018066,0.0,0.07818366859235545,0.0,0.1255206250939422,0.0,0.0,0.21021049443435846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189216868866332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308318193975994,0.0,0.0,0.03900435968079039,0.05785165926851937,0.0,0.15029821847163544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869335327409946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939952334591217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715543028048351,0.1421230999315802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056649179908938266,0.0,0.1043451844821217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809955608509123,0.0,0.0,0.07558287255883077,0.0480924695909789,0.16193223128950446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840610868561464,0.37182012075344456,0.14830128609349544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078168319017183,0.0,0.07297104489896761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056439789604336266,0.0,0.0,0.11311100366909785,0.06461025082992201,0.07403928307197731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797755109346171,0.0,0.14469404948282186,0.06013435231582581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046870552482133,0.0,0.2267133500119685,0.059335776851123866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711338356878639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045475997191603626,0.0,0.056343846936296786,0.08276869755764693,0.0,0.0,0.0678167953648588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05855933963370823,0.0,0.05633427670982775,0.0,0.0,0.12762471770623351,0.0,0.12808239699375862,0.0,0.16322861392860782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465307952263393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140729286709434 bpd,you_exist,2020/02/08,"Feeling of rejection when not directly invited When I think I may not be invited to something I feel deeply hurt and rejected before it's even confirmed that I'm not invited. It's less so the FOMO, and more the fear of not being included. For example, if my FP vaguely mentions upcoming plans with our friends i.e. ""so and so asked me to join them at a party tomorrow"" I feel extremely left out. I can either try to subtly or not so subtly invite myself like ""mind if I join? that sounds fun!"", but then I fear that they didn't want me there in the first place and I'm not reading the room by inviting myself. Most of the time though I'm pretty sure it's all in my head and it actually IS totally fine for me to join. My FP is often extending the invite but I can't see that and I start to feel rejected and have a huge mood swing. I know the solution is to communicate with my FP how I feel in those moments and that I need direct reassurance/confirmation if I'm invited to something, but I also know that it's okay for my FP to be invited to things without me. I know my FP deserves their own space and time with friends. I just need to learn how to feel less immediately sad and hurt when I am confronted with these situations. Thanks for reading my vent, I hope this is a good space to share these thoughts and feelings.",4.339434118133003,5.061178360594795,5.679225526641883,80.96304316398185,70.22676579925651,9.546551011978524,29.81433292028088,9.725611199111238,2.640848657579513,1045,40,217,24,18,352,136,269,0.11699999999999999,0.7040000000000001,0.179,0.9477,0,2,2,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,3,2,15,21,1,2,10,1,13,1,1,2,3,58,37,30,0,7,16,0,7,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,16,16,0,0,13,2,0,0,9,9,0,1,2,9,34,11,30,31,8,21,0,6,1,0,9,11,0,8,11,152,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.12903625783819475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574334265804212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236161007184489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251698998132464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733589107166287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975883772598676,0.4680120645830573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247377001572198,0.0,0.0,0.2043193225938966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090726388938996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570492128433698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313330577153594,0.0,0.0,0.2831073815010787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21800851051260653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366700400683574,0.0,0.0,0.06460032419610202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351341788566745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960919948354427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381509774503055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345242509733708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26452921369066024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536925288307626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486307381753485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20359241742759185,0.0,0.0,0.09359224209741866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462410161259913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173853549619765,0.0,0.0,0.0878469550396403,0.08472689115570582,0.1299141480679502,0.10497491603211677,0.1542073810832469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977469166462716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779919862360628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746386759259362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mariam1003,2020/02/08,"DAE feel like their FPs are always the wrong people? First time poster here! I’m struggling with my current FP (and previous ones too) because they’re just so entirely not the right person to have as an FP. I’m happily in a serious relationship but my FPs are often guys I’m attracted to, and while they could theoretically be just great friends, due to my all-consuming needs of them, I end up wanting more and more of them. Like nothing is ever enough. It’s just a total setup for pain, shame and relationship challenges. I feel as though I wish I had more (or any) control over choosing my FPs or at least could better understand why I choose such off-limits people...",5.124341085271318,6.338074767441863,5.7333333333333325,79.4866666666667,68.76744186046511,8.834108527131782,29.06201550387597,9.150863307647796,2.3716108527131783,531,19,101,10,9,172,92,129,0.094,0.696,0.209,0.9561,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,4,4,10,12,0,2,5,0,8,1,0,1,2,26,17,12,0,5,7,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,1,2,13,7,13,13,6,12,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,3,9,67,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475977617172758,0.0,0.0,0.11830785381784735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605254837752613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386530330889886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19512592180109845,0.2778071507920854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540887631211038,0.179760991778762,0.0,0.0,0.15736886856214094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593232104527326,0.12428660652523064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798165516571388,0.0,0.0,0.1344113900314528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19180624879567676,0.0,0.17226098313696614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699891965467968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899904553941416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693213554683015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788885440768207,0.0,0.18511992610784372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412224516297465,0.15190683161746593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735645720134141,0.0,0.14857230290581813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18187473448388275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709279475370264,0.0,0.10144526803128867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18111240818503932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261399801269977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698390184371486,0.0,0.2000607835931026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021256353683288,0.0,0.0 bpd,ky44790,2020/02/08,My bf broke up with me I feel like a wreck and he’s ignoring all of my texts/calls. I did something stupid but i didn’t think he would break up with me over it. I really need support right now because I can’t stop crying. I feel so terrible,-1.410330188679243,0.5900214339622636,1.0201650943396243,99.54836084905662,98.81132075471695,4.914150943396227,16.058962264150942,6.6274283507984215,-0.2865452830188677,188,5,46,3,8,63,40,53,0.33399999999999996,0.5670000000000001,0.098,-0.9139,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,12,9,3,0,2,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,2,10,2,6,6,1,7,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20867110030971103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760152481915525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34616792876934044,0.2445487952355131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167237059490127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25382108382523705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21929475985510885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923338137292193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263529615747125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861893698260569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38845324353624827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193406350966157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431696515957533,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,honeypiglet,2020/02/08,"I read that Disney's Frozen is a ""BPD movie"". Now i've said it, you won't be able to unhear it. So lately, i have been trying to find acceptance with being BPD... in order to avoid the emotional episodes that come when i feel shame about it. And in light of this decision, and in an effort to humanise the disorder, a few of my BPD friends from my DBT workgroup have discussed how Elsa's uncontrollable freezing can be compared to our emotional outbursts. Think about it. \- Not being able to control herself. \- Battling inner demons. \- Guilt related isolation. \- Not wanting to hurt anyone but does. \- Eventual radical acceptance. Any other input?",3.9486781609195374,6.7867584655172415,4.761034482758621,78.1457471264368,76.41379310344827,8.004597701149425,29.49425287356322,8.841846274778883,3.0030770114942524,506,23,82,12,12,163,85,116,0.10800000000000001,0.7909999999999999,0.10099999999999999,0.2819,0,2,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,1,0,2,6,9,1,4,5,0,10,0,0,2,0,17,15,6,0,1,3,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,2,6,1,0,1,3,6,0,0,2,4,8,3,16,8,1,9,1,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,57,16,1,0.3352033424649654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397488374428752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719098545871022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6332653132280042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443739993006048,0.0,0.0,0.18797952574660093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920860355602604,0.0,0.14666935194327704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3770586431366446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474444084190108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318489114620354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948863544029476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17942105547458734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18906198536519106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764702662498426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942756973861608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739238346690226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379053310421487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885580810248536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,KentuckyCow,2020/02/08,"Trigger warning Hey guys, I honestly dont mean to offend anynone here but just wanted to ask some questions from people who are suffering from/experiencing BPD for personal evaluation. Please delete this post should it be insulting to anyone. Long story short I am a hypochondriac (GAD++ADHD+OCD) and recently developed a fear of mental heatlh disorders. I dont believe in “crazy” and I also dont believe that disorders necessarily dictate who a person is and how they behave. But I recently felt derealisation at an intense level, which lead to me dropping out of uni and doing lots of introspection. I am undergoing therapy but also wanted to talk to people and learn from their experiences. Some quick fire facts 1. Unstable sense of self meaning that although I believe I have a core (hobbies, interests, humour, compassion) I tend to fluctuate in how I see myself/feel depending on the people Ill be around during a given point in time. They may influence in the short term my interests and my views on a topic for example. However, I do not feel a fear of abandonment, as I have come to understand this is a core phenomenon in BPD. 2. I dont do drugs, but do act impulsively (although that could also be the ADHD) in terms of buying video games and food (binge eating material). 3. I dont know whether this is considered manipulation but I believe I have a way with words and know how to get on the good side of the person or ask for something appropriately in order to increase my chances of obtaining said something. As described elsewhere, I feel like I can manipulate, I just choose not to. 4. I have had a turbulent childhood which included bullying (rarely physical) but I wouldnt call it traumatic. If anything, I consider myself privileged and fortunate for the childhood I experiences. Could I get some thoughts on these points? Apologies again for the very vague and potentially insulting post, again, that is not my intention. I just genuinely believe that people who experience symptoms, experiences, disorders, you name it, can give me better insight into intricate details than a person who simply has a degree to their name (therapist).",7.246782118405157,8.814046654450266,7.932670157068063,64.35790978654853,64.13089005235602,11.636085380588,37.46717680225535,11.437924896087663,5.044433427305679,1730,87,266,55,26,576,209,382,0.11800000000000001,0.76,0.122,-0.5639,1,0,3,0,0,0,55.0,0,1,4,3,14,15,3,2,20,0,32,5,0,10,1,69,53,29,0,7,15,0,4,1,0,3,3,1,0,6,18,15,2,1,13,2,1,4,9,7,0,0,5,7,37,8,46,40,7,41,0,2,2,0,29,21,0,9,12,194,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241563798373247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720919531115955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050156620947898765,0.0,0.059029251888702984,0.06385661001809075,0.1341193098555768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4040865062052381,0.0,0.06344104721972071,0.0,0.0,0.18068766495821315,0.0,0.07324630259274559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06179069089067401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454419022587695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466329582587662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4203463350693393,0.0,0.08318624492243992,0.07339965420034568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806702981159145,0.0,0.16143668804939826,0.10880943052347064,0.05124529249792199,0.06887388489831958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673851311563081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749539271289594,0.06881178658512015,0.0,0.06016532476094898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102587087725666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884396612484662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03504458904330515,0.0,0.0,0.06348048513626657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06098390670152711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627416290590987,0.0,0.0,0.07228889609808603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198919504465234,0.2505341560545172,0.0,0.07874009904420849,0.1356196859009968,0.0,0.13739868695132348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803561584237016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416532192377402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823347506401684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05716104696128315,0.0,0.07483202870408738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044546122438044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455692256469257,0.0,0.05765539397054562,0.0,0.0,0.0820316932421504,0.0832862789463553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05694712585394386,0.04182745492965205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467545049241707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591863400419745,0.08461868079847355,0.05693745315815155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lovely_Korea,2020/02/08,"DAE find it hard to distract yourself from how you are feeling? Every time I get triggered, I can't concentrate on what I've been doing anymore. I find it so hard to distract myself with chores or hobbies. It's like I'm stuck and no matter what I do, I can't get out of my feelings. I tell my friends about it, and they always tell me like ""you just need to do something entertaining like watching a movie, don't think too much of him (my FP)"". Well, it's not that I don't try those things. I'm just... still stuck. And what they tell me just makes me feel worse about myself...",2.7421666666666664,3.8335962166666704,3.4750000000000014,93.89666666666668,74.33333333333334,6.0,24.16666666666667,5.82211442006289,0.3024166666666672,446,13,102,2,9,141,72,120,0.136,0.715,0.15,0.4019,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,2,0,10,8,0,2,1,0,9,0,0,3,0,21,21,6,0,1,5,0,5,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,11,5,0,0,6,1,0,0,6,2,1,0,3,6,20,6,11,18,1,4,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,1,5,67,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566437946158043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18669903445652236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15861351765781334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855631629127916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34412453561620765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544586024459305,0.0,0.19671163060690405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372801983706909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759166271353621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566211860890875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838957518137346,0.13958919065431175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449284087089907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503412177179965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4936312482836578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506869916560934,0.1206266290779074,0.0,0.0,0.1097733925160763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127813239507528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169264451959779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19184860636520001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Rhys345,2020/02/08,"I'm having a really hard time with DBT This disorder has complete control over my life. I want to say it's even worse than my bipolar symptoms. I have to avoid all triggers or else I will be sent into a suicidal frenzy again. I almost did something really stupid last night and backed out because I thought about how it would affect other people. That's really the only reason I backed down. I was perfectly happy sitting there and slowly passing out to nothingness. DBT is supposed to help with this stuff, but I can't bring myself to actually apply any of the skills when I'm in a crisis. It's shoved down my throat so much in hospitals and therapy that I've developed a sort of aversion to it. I really should be in the hospital right now but in my experience, it's only going to make things worse. I'm perpetually emotionally unstable and it also sucks to have this all blamed on bipolar when it simply isn't the cause.",5.3940423572744045,6.3092635745856365,6.590842541436466,74.67458793738491,67.95027624309392,9.7902394106814,29.447974217311234,9.928628108626363,2.906546593001842,741,26,134,17,12,250,114,181,0.205,0.742,0.054000000000000006,-0.9838,0,1,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,12,5,2,1,8,0,14,5,1,7,3,29,24,12,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,15,9,0,2,2,0,0,4,3,3,0,0,4,2,14,2,25,15,3,26,0,0,0,0,3,12,1,3,9,98,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.1483010044040454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217621471088913,0.0,0.0,0.12153052318746768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334495506339557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337114240801918,0.0,0.09263963036053867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156115269275673,0.0,0.0,0.15933787534611127,0.0,0.17044751442525213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17417102839796372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269516112709222,0.1709460332446906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037489139441017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865602759077218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636817331925141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161775115958103,0.13613545946338598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186242933720037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387600552183314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734105463689372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144129620775792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171559132892284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261374869694435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23116038768827524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535700978204024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3894240354860477,0.15625068796872546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978173022314354,0.0,0.120852811778942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169940933633555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17396953355031244,0.16623074555772255,0.0,0.0,0.1579552380463526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737911811229365,0.0,0.10096225576032974,0.0,0.0,0.12064737265020985,0.08861505240581165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963596812283697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097412572822577,0.10795527797235276,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lawrenciumexchange,2020/02/08,"There’s nothing like seeing it in writing Just got my “superbill “ to submit to my insurance company and there it is in black and white - F60.3 Borderline personality disorder. I guess it’s real now.",5.372499999999999,7.702931250000002,7.1177777777777775,65.405,69.83333333333334,11.466666666666667,34.22222222222222,11.20814326018867,4.9677888888888875,159,8,25,6,3,55,28,36,0.134,0.866,0.0,-0.5873,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,4,3,0,3,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,1,2,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4325914932761011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018820081389444,0.0,0.4158047792348557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184403469988608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36217436958083205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295756134422856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4296218193628447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007795410246382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jesEkah,2020/02/08,"Bf Perplexed that Talking About BPD is Fucking Hard Dude seriously goes ""is it something that's hard to address or admit?"" B R U H. I half exist in a world of emotions and vibes from other people that isnt fucking real. Explaining that sounds fucking insane. YES IT IS HARD.",2.3598742138364805,5.03474011320755,3.885188679245285,82.94086477987422,81.83018867924528,5.042767295597487,27.701257861635213,6.42735559955562,1.496461635220126,218,10,37,2,6,72,42,53,0.226,0.7070000000000001,0.067,-0.6976,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,0,5,9,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,7,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,4,1,0,5,9,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,2,3,1,0,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27628446409068097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24675781929080484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6084024639363219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5895279662427656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208113044426966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496871355415785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16887907136706298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17631850662050644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GalacticBeanz,2020/02/08,"I think I’m insane, about to go to therapy but I don’t think they can help me :/ I’ve been having “tantrums” almost daily since I stopped lexapro, it kept me from feeling anything and I HATED IT . So I thought maybe it’s time to seek “help” and will be making an appointment with a therapist. I am terrified they’re just going to think I’m crazy like what type of person hurts themself to even out the pressure inside ? I do and it’s not good but I cannot help certain things it’s pure impulse nearly everything I do.. I was told by my ex (reason I’ve been having so many issues with myself lately) that I’m a child and I need to grow up even though in the toxic relationship I told him I’ve been dealing with this since I was a toddler I swear, and I’m aware of these abnormal things I do - but it feels like this urge is something there is no way I can just switch off. I feel really sad.. other days I feel really empty and don’t want to be here, I don’t see a point. I do not know what to do anymore I wouldn’t say I’m lazy, I just have zero motivation to do anything for myself. I don’t think any of this post makes sense, I don’t really know what I’m asking anymore but I feel deeply screwed up and I don’t think these people can help me without borrowing my brain to see how I react to things verses how a “normal” person does..",1.2794257854821254,3.0223500845070426,3.1707042253521145,91.78540086673893,79.84507042253522,6.059371614301193,20.430119176598044,7.010146845296331,0.3192257854821232,1040,27,233,12,26,349,142,284,0.184,0.722,0.094,-0.9791,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,1,13,10,3,1,8,0,31,2,1,7,2,50,63,16,0,4,10,1,5,2,0,2,0,1,0,3,19,11,0,2,15,0,1,3,12,6,0,1,9,8,36,4,28,50,0,16,0,2,2,1,16,7,1,1,6,149,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080296928762142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336444645449516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21398278934344295,0.0,0.0,0.17755777652439214,0.0,0.1008564638928607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043361099692006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957590119795781,0.11122310127925507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944095353613148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251200439467324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695868978138204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727455728935277,0.07707195925868161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226253032470879,0.09048752056492294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651257310851067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892480136354821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549146605586348,0.0,0.0,0.11260229429368646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857984702133298,0.0,0.1216972322869362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541280993146362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402608311829695,0.10937688677411292,0.10838342748421913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999421225008856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570287657710643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479280142914264,0.18839933706227668,0.0,0.0,0.10198473261578782,0.0,0.10332252473081467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20733870450171293,0.11092215603487963,0.0,0.11582645258264387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579325070287623,0.0,0.0,0.1719382861464688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848461172165944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830539516204042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019539609777846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337412884775817,0.12526100222807748,0.2150189141437047,0.3456367976717963,0.10599494327708953,0.08564740973801939,0.06290770810534854,0.0,0.0,0.2061745221727748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363245481804787,0.08563286218487473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039957973498689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,disassociatingdarko,2020/02/08,How do you explain BPD to others? Every time I tell someone I have BPD they always ask “what is that?” How do you explain it to people? I never know what to say.,-0.2794117647058805,1.8166284117647078,2.301470588235297,93.70161764705885,88.41176470588232,3.4000000000000004,17.323529411764707,3.1291,-0.8099764705882353,122,3,26,0,4,42,24,34,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,6,8,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,3,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,2,21,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23579141792163946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649181780075122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7138039562044655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23875638560597945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557359628167806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185569343149392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964571423377921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22535185930860835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401034482532712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24768299365386875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523874395994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Yeslikethegarden,2020/02/08,"My mom has been diagnosed with BPD. My mom was diagnosed several years ago. She's been in some counseling, takes medicine, and our relationship is better than ever. I want to encourage her to return to counseling, but she says it can't help her anymore. She is fairly isolated socially, doesn't work, and I'm pretty sure is depressed. My stepdad passed 8 years ago, and it's been very hard for her, obviously. Any suggestions on how to encourage her ? Also, reading through these threads, I realize I tend to display some of these behaviors during times of extreme stress. I left a terrible marriage a couple years ago, and have developed a stronger support network, and have been in counseling and support groups myself. I think this has ameliorated a lot of the unhelpful behaviors, and counselors have showed me how to replace unhelpful thought patterns, with helpful. I guess my question is can bpd be something that comes and goes ?",7.423948521358162,8.839605765060242,7.0713581599123785,71.24302847754656,63.638554216867455,11.096604600219061,40.39211391018621,11.022393298168332,5.013802409638554,751,42,120,21,11,236,105,166,0.109,0.722,0.17,0.8843,1,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,0,2,4,9,0,1,5,0,18,2,0,2,3,26,28,12,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,11,0,0,4,2,0,2,2,3,0,0,6,2,20,6,17,21,3,15,0,1,0,0,21,4,0,5,9,82,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3500709659024779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527192336462944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951925741957753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055084123395036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642428841670716,0.0,0.0,0.33159025174315154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133956252772446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565641305888674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133807606612924,0.26722229468775444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907530903511986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450155613860215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792298165072028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647013398238262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302651548232753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191504954207483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30834878085695755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392452217960818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746617488797548,0.0,0.13167495187571027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133137406241386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046848775625506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487149714513001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418971757626008,0.0,0.1013423863210318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079240592381754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298765499752282,0.12406850913322773,0.0,0.09897639224318544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434916627811385,0.0,0.10450692249703483,0.07675995100775808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861623231897333,0.07764428655002059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583499889488276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543142345816114 bpd,fleuramaryllis,2020/02/08,I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE I'M LITERALLY DYING INSIDE I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO I JUST WANT EVERYTHING TO BE OVER sorry for the caps,-1.4574725274725249,-1.1517986153846156,1.7431868131868136,89.18038461538461,131.30769230769232,4.562637362637363,15.252747252747252,6.1826913282559595,0.2156439560439561,100,3,20,2,7,35,22,26,0.053,0.863,0.084,0.18600000000000005,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4540161465771113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4751257563921095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114425356055629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515957725923469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5124713814634314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27002322964734743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwawayrabbit77,2020/02/08,"Am I ‘addicted’ to breakdowns? I was speaking to a psychologist at the hospital following an OD and explained that my lows are often followed by highs. I usually feel *better* after a breakdown, almost like it’s out of my system and I can be happy again after. I was told it sounds like I’m almost addicted to them because I know how to de-escalate them. But if I didn’t allow myself to have any breakdown, I’d just feel depressed and low all the time? Does anyone else feel the same way?",3.2782731958762876,5.035943876288659,5.074832474226807,80.27451675257736,74.15463917525773,7.73659793814433,27.5889175257732,8.472884824447931,2.1608567010309283,384,15,71,7,8,131,69,97,0.077,0.8109999999999999,0.113,0.5194,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,1,4,7,0,0,6,0,8,2,0,2,1,19,17,6,1,1,3,0,3,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,4,5,12,4,11,12,2,14,0,3,0,0,5,5,0,4,7,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4543429360747555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173368986585673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170960659031406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570831660196704,0.21351605388358924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703015415712254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18430045762958566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17948253204241255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18235996809059984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407973982061314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31609862571210146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218307417566936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220171220245751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452348026203307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036137195451024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151153587230587,0.0,0.0,0.19912172610865328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22950770723850505,0.0,0.0,0.16540708473753699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AmazingGrowth,2020/02/08,"Fear of Abandonment Support Group Hey friends. I’ve created a support group called FearOfAbandonmentSupportGroup in Telegram. The purpose of this group is for people that have this fear and the anxiety that comes with it can get together and chat, share ideas, tips or just talking to someone that understands this fear. Everyone who wants is welcomed. Let’s bring some awareness to this issue that consumes our daily life.",7.572300469483569,10.518413859154931,5.810915492957751,74.47768779342726,65.33802816901408,8.67699530516432,35.77699530516432,9.2995712137729,3.7218431924882633,348,17,52,7,6,101,55,71,0.18,0.648,0.172,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,0,1,9,0,3,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,11,12,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,10,4,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,5,7,11,1,3,0,1,0,0,12,1,0,2,0,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486970198822366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933708397554748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631279308804865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809538611724645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6392912713087558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463089841262327,0.0,0.0989394912701917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137788824607917,0.0,0.19765604124689806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936465562607802,0.13375963521121878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128728092957306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604549902735834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4297961025736718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221071308548678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19714380193529707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169700575863536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ladysnowbld2,2020/02/08,"Requesting reasonable work adjustments? Ok, so I have BPD which I have been receiving intense DBT treatment for for nearly 2 years. In the workplace, I am super easy to get along with and try to be a good colleague/employee, however if interpersonal conflicts occur, it will trigger me and I will respond quite unprofessionally (crying spells, disproportionate emotions, feeling distrustful and needing to hide/leave work). There is quite a lot of favouritism in my workplace and I have been feeling frustrated as some newer staff who had only been there 6 months had been up skilled and I’ve been in that department for over a year and haven’t been given the same opportunities as they have to get them there. I also don’t get any feedback on my performance other than me ‘lacking confidence’ when speaking to customers. At first I thought this was fair as I was new to the role, but now I feel pretty confident and still get this vague, blanket feedback non-stop. I have asked for more clarification/examples and they continually tell me that this is feedback they haven't observed, but have heard from others. Realllly frustrating! Anyway, I spoke about this to my team leader, who is usually the loveliest, most supportive guy and I explained that I really wanted the opportunity to up skill and asked if I could be given more training and feedback. He didn’t give me much of a response, other than telling me to ‘take more initiative’ which I told him I was doing and have been doing for the last year as I have been continually chasing up opportunities with management/the team, which doesn't really get followed through. He started to become agitated and when I told him I wasn’t feeling supported, he literally lost it at me in front of another colleague (we were speaking in private, but this colleague walked in and listened in mid conversation) and berated me for saying that I didn't feel supported considering all the things he does for me. I calmly stood by what I said and he then ushered me to ‘go on my break and calm down’. I stormed off and said ‘well no XXXXX, going on my break won’t calm me down’. When I got back I had a crying spell come on and we talked about it for a bit and he expressed he had some personal issues come about, but didn’t really think he was at fault or apologise and we just kept on going around in circles. Eventually he ended the conversation and let me go home early. Anyway, I have a huge history with all the managers being realllllly insensitive regarding mental illness and showing me little respect after I disclosed that I have a mental illness (I told them I have anxiety and depression, not bpd!). The big manager ( who was once my direct manager) let a girl bully me for a year knowing of my mental health issues and advised that I ‘ask her to get a coffee to talk it over with her’ before he steps in. When I hit breaking point and firmly, but respectfully asked her to stop, she went off crying to him about how awful I was to her and he then defended her to hr and made some lie up about me refusing to help on a busy day once????? Hr did nothing but defend him, but mediated it all between the girl and I. Anyway, then he got promoted and taken over by my another manager ( not my team leader who I had the recent dispute with) who was micromanaging me and not letting me go on breaks and when I \~very respectfully\~ stood up for myself said he’d need to have a formal discussion about my ‘tone’ when I speak to him (which was ridiculous because senior staff in the department, who he was scared of were 100x more direct and disrespectful to him). HR urged me to disclose my mental illness to him and when I did he said this was something I needed to ‘work on’. Anyway, he got in trouble by HR for other workplace bullying complaints (I think he thinks it was me) and he doesn’t really know what to say to me anymore, but I avoid him. I swapped weekends so I didn’t share the same shifts with this particular manager and could work with my current team leader who has always had my back and be super supportive, then all of a sudden this happened? I just feel really hurt and disrespected and it’s pretty isolating and none of these managers seem to care to consider how this affects me. The good thing is that I spoke to my newer, second team leader today and she was soooooooooooo good and supportive, telling me she wants to set up a meeting with all the managers so we can all discuss how they can support me better and discuss any accomodations to be made.  For a long time I’ve been trying to keep under the radar with all these people because I feel they all think I’m a difficult mental case who uses my mental illness as a way of getting what I want and have kept pretty low about it for a year without any workplace breakdowns, but it’s so hard to just ask that they consider my needs and try to understand me/ managing me better. For anyone with similar experiences to mine, what were some workplace accomodations you requested of your management that you have found to be really effective?",8.615145148713381,7.567737436649221,8.632059708143032,69.36561880360924,61.54450261780104,11.687868998551854,37.49192380528016,10.811651313258576,4.006581597415618,4032,164,720,85,47,1319,375,955,0.111,0.767,0.122,0.7987,4,1,1,0,0,0,88.0,4,3,8,25,38,39,4,2,36,2,81,5,0,10,8,144,166,81,0,12,19,0,8,0,0,3,5,13,1,4,51,63,0,7,21,7,0,15,17,13,1,2,63,21,121,26,130,87,24,108,0,4,0,0,110,44,0,10,43,538,172,27,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04151952958657624,0.043200688113265065,0.0,0.0,0.10591990736580284,0.10888299761203192,0.03971782023187954,0.0,0.05148960275372564,0.036302905564536636,0.0,0.0,0.04621883291472626,0.24268583828272264,0.0,0.0,0.0798448663950048,0.0,0.06329856521247182,0.057340351533201564,0.04417916416383321,0.0,0.0,0.0918361046899558,0.05668199740315025,0.0,0.13078008673009392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052934783881351526,0.0,0.0,0.08944707892111647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290604195716927,0.0,0.1710914377209697,0.03348339859394479,0.0,0.044717676816064866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045434583658182134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584017800537428,0.04598473950012701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050786651566183935,0.0,0.0,0.1837623085660328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04416219408708452,0.0,0.056926399544738784,0.0,0.0,0.1898783949935764,0.049805344596909454,0.14753355097203227,0.13064134276461326,0.12457287367978695,0.0,0.0,0.05140787864825334,0.045911716244220836,0.0,0.046509140985538606,0.0,0.0,0.055187368198629363,0.0,0.0,0.034800147631245844,0.0,0.05207889494365539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05558026163606526,0.0,0.0,0.10837969577141013,0.0,0.04614790831121494,0.0,0.0,0.057066544804464985,0.04232083711510764,0.0,0.054974623917919484,0.0,0.15927179398864424,0.0,0.0,0.05203638241561834,0.0,0.04594659714989037,0.0,0.0,0.056675617931447125,0.044139596410248186,0.0,0.09825384655274204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139322688192405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04144117465158338,0.0,0.038166369055353366,0.15398884084059586,0.0,0.050143601995329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04981758962714094,0.0,0.0,0.11058387879273296,0.0,0.03948666682304506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03599403154095621,0.045333585257795586,0.0,0.0,0.04908014691689737,0.0,0.0,0.15846057476534925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044429262586476,0.0,0.0,0.1995634800914878,0.053381281441808016,0.051263655163712944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975470719339152,0.08257599428806123,0.051979881251063585,0.0,0.0,0.04726502119235342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039969709612468894,0.0,0.0,0.036748468198174976,0.0,0.041462504615221836,0.08681305874250876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535017488978725,0.0,0.0,0.039036555187460915,0.08346089840354598,0.13613823421711493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898522700675347,0.13307015177282785,0.0,0.041217811187779285,0.03027433103783847,0.0,0.04921305124058025,0.14883221604673416,0.0,0.10574858538610134,0.0,0.0,0.05404941114417354,0.0,0.04484126417959069,0.057181338831693636,0.04283853402896287,0.0918693460594263,0.041210810178635,0.0,0.0,0.046681330822659885,0.048129345106635794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050047971708672236,0.0,0.15119032482244954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717036302303132 bpd,specialjustspecial,2020/02/08,"Waiting for my FP to message me is hell This the the third day that I am waiting for my FP to message me and it’s making me feel so depressed and incredibly sad. I refuse to message him because I want him to make the effort for once. I want him to be thinking about me and take the initiate and reach out to me first. At least that way, I know he’s thinking about me. All I want is for him to show me some kind of EFFORT. I’m in day 3 now and I refuse to give in. I kind of have a feeling that he will never get into contact with me again and if that happens I really don’t know how I will ever be happy again. I feel like life is pointless now. I feel like he’s lost interest and he’s just so quick and happy to abandon me without a care. I feel so sad and empty and there’s no meaning in the world anymore.",0.014065797641215738,1.7869931284916198,2.3955959031657383,95.59948944754814,84.19553072625698,4.871632526381131,21.117628801986346,5.82211442006289,-0.05267995034140238,626,20,149,4,18,214,89,179,0.172,0.7120000000000001,0.11599999999999999,-0.9297,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,4,14,14,1,0,7,0,10,1,0,3,3,41,34,15,0,4,3,0,5,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,13,0,5,10,1,0,0,4,6,0,2,1,5,28,8,25,29,3,18,1,5,0,0,15,7,1,2,12,106,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398358417632044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464959354274396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583055085632727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20026931458611505,0.0,0.13373162316110085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044829354467978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925394281589796,0.221846187958514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207040969310124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112083176593328,0.14894668169903352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730248914106796,0.3305701655149758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233743022597673,0.17066185473560042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966998845193132,0.15171166186914073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16949275810562542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20728445088017625,0.0,0.0,0.16913176619340084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975182578540333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535476191251744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946830133896488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674179562838105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19897821910642274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747422863180197,0.12324407101115267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967227658206805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,littlebearcub98,2020/02/08,"New City Who Dis? I’ve recently relocated to a new city (from Auckland to Wellington). I’ve been here three months and I love it here it’s great. The only thing is that I’ve had to leave my friends behind. A group of weirdos that have stuck around me for years, who are the closest thing I have to family. I’ve met lots of great people in Wellington, but I feel like they’re not my friends .... like the ones in Auckland. There isn’t the same effortless connection, the silences are awkward, the talk is small. I’m scared that I’m not going to be able to make the same connections that took me years to build with my friends in Auckland. I’m lonely, so so so lonely, and I feel isolated. I feel like I’m thinking in black and white... any advice, coping mechanism are welcome x",2.096730769230767,4.232916237179492,2.9134358974359,92.6982307692308,78.93589743589743,6.211282051282053,23.861538461538462,7.3011,0.8771492307692315,607,21,130,8,15,191,86,156,0.113,0.701,0.18600000000000005,0.9377,0,4,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,0,7,14,0,2,9,0,11,1,0,1,0,16,25,7,0,0,3,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,4,0,2,5,5,10,10,18,19,3,15,0,2,2,1,10,7,0,1,9,75,20,0,0.16258684029782666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887797862966024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105646267428412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473675827693314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327240317455965,0.0,0.2466263749275865,0.2323041423903083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768425685000165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240184815645988,0.0,0.0,0.35850513082064456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17215598818891864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382951527729865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822551746078238,0.14674097118284693,0.0,0.10852797840630488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977526475678894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140547670047397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017305076630694,0.12365461849011547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271724347015658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605348901715408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277779064174014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068114355134247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160309444502332,0.10417908229397284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806399619165707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20940118906570146 bpd,Reversilr,2020/02/08,"I fuck up every relationship I’ve been in 7 relationships so far and I’ve fucked up every single one. It’s not like I’ve cheated it’s just that I’m a shit person. I keep telling me self that I’m not going to get into a relationship but every time I do then I get dumped and it messes with me. Having such low self confidence and believing that no one could like then, all of a sudden someone you really like shows feelings back but they just end up leaving you proving that no one will ever care about you. I don’t know what I except posting this post, I just want to vent",4.885088547815823,4.5491248760330585,6.169610389610393,81.61727272727275,68.83471074380165,8.897756788665879,27.20306965761511,8.418075326091056,1.6395515938606846,454,12,97,6,7,154,75,121,0.20600000000000002,0.698,0.096,-0.8975,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,1,0,8,11,5,0,3,0,6,3,1,0,3,21,18,8,0,2,8,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,9,5,0,1,3,1,0,1,5,7,0,3,1,1,13,4,11,15,2,17,0,1,0,2,11,7,3,0,10,65,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109686238948964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16278045205093905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730786501389406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535620949012095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127967156986357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069120875627818,0.3651940656423467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305386353345067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26714045223954946,0.15097057132177746,0.0,0.08211180179868416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842122607733686,0.0,0.0,0.07940290166960473,0.0,0.0,0.15298436841532848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21175814926289108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937119079943505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615511329411153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767454496708949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925581379939484,0.0,0.0,0.4653551167174758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014500923263516,0.0,0.14830752563748284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241816307140893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628263911957768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424795083519643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521855407696788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sugarcubekitty,2020/02/08,"Telling your FP Has anyone actually told their Fp about the whole favorite person aspect of bpd? If so how did it go? I have the misfortune of having my fp be someone from work. I ended up telling them because I just couldn't hold it in any anymore. (been working with them for two years) Felt like I had to explain my strange/kinda clingy behavior towards them since it was getting out of hand. Figured if I told them it would make me take a step back and control myself better. It has a bit but I still obsess over little things. Anyway after telling them this it was pretty awkward at work for like a day. Keep in mind I am also attracted to this person but cannot be involved with them for work related reasons. I'm unsure if they feel the same about me. He lingered around my area much longer than normal, stared even when I caught him, face got super red anytime he said anything to me, laughed way too hard at my jokes. Just weird stuff. Things are starting to go back to normal not sure if it'll be the same again though. Feel like he may think I'm a freak or crazy or whatever. Who knows.",2.9150757029560204,4.8294834155251145,3.3454458062965635,91.60702235039656,75.57534246575342,5.70641672674838,24.31170391732757,6.339386263674448,0.5977251141552515,864,28,177,6,19,268,145,219,0.084,0.77,0.146,0.9483,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,8,7,17,13,0,2,8,0,19,2,2,4,1,38,39,14,0,8,11,0,5,3,0,3,0,1,0,2,13,5,0,3,8,1,0,4,3,4,0,1,11,8,26,9,27,21,5,26,0,0,2,0,24,11,0,7,13,121,39,4,0.0,0.0,0.1192277272733308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770539405453513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308496740725407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116736333136975,0.08542942872489605,0.0,0.10054176640304853,0.10876397993040048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18789408772294708,0.0,0.074478339696445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805617123449676,0.13338631114605587,0.0,0.1538784282442998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703258346749758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879445375421981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082131020773338,0.0,0.0,0.08069716199397825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355334568434195,0.08728371210423576,0.11730966978496547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383276080306546,0.0,0.13887270763922854,0.0,0.09771659933357066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944714432889846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085970773570034,0.0,0.0,0.06714562162637952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906943282592086,0.12245406679015618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155450630367952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336456157124175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981460448409719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23941624259945005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133615604811592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429855743967963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256189362052448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162188896394864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106658513935976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352069615783058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647794428201078,0.0,0.0975712006435642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986413769318626,0.0,0.0,0.11515095561266868,0.0,0.09186236079985872,0.0,0.320365860416018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233875614081147,0.078286481959953,0.12003888576973153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334918926370716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934977611872333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969789033715835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640694320817895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557870335020991,0.0,0.0,0.08679147178758545,0.0,0.0,0.07867837789128401 bpd,theorangejellybean,2020/02/08,"It’s Friday, I’m in a lot of shame (Technically, it’s now Saturday in my TZ, but I’m currently listening to The Cure and terrible with wordplay.) My partner and I fought a couple of nights ago and admittedly, I lost my shit. Earlier today, we we went out for groceries and while lining up at the check out, I saw our basement neighbours in another lane. Trying to keep cool as we walked by, I briefly met eyes with the mother who looked away. Ug. Her face said it all. Since we moved in, our family’s relationship with theirs has become avoidant. There are other factors, but obviously and regrettably my tantrums can be heard all throughout the land so I’m definitely avoided by them. Some days, I try to think “It’s OK, I’m OK. I’m doing the best I can and unfortunately living within close proximity of others is just my reality.” I mean just because I’m the louder one in arguments, that doesn’t mean I’m the monster.. right? Ug. So then why do I always fucking think and feel like I need to be put down? Thank you for reading my rant. (And I think first post to this sub! Lt creeper, occasional commenter lol I need to sleep.)",1.5294929285960706,4.058025614349777,3.4706950672645758,85.45588047602622,84.33632286995515,6.659468782338737,23.823559848223525,7.882392219407189,1.502962883753018,884,34,177,18,26,297,143,223,0.154,0.722,0.124,-0.7529,1,2,0,0,0,0,35.0,6,1,2,3,6,15,4,3,9,4,10,5,4,0,3,39,38,15,0,2,4,1,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,1,9,18,0,3,7,1,1,4,1,9,0,2,7,8,27,6,29,29,5,30,0,1,3,1,22,15,2,2,11,109,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363231330876527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796332567703386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125935827214186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448819959174186,0.0,0.0,0.09374729048222463,0.16984595380613074,0.0,0.0,0.16139024865982046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701626857112304,0.0,0.09918006462807397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497694848890386,0.0,0.07775946291988561,0.10986565418016736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081137063746806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217385012642833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669318889225404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513269049784373,0.0,0.13579697415966194,0.0,0.12914257185801678,0.0,0.16787696844768568,0.13074443480827544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33503883580744603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345152671085444,0.0,0.228062619505632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443189321224499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421023207694713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728569093458976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545986795326051,0.0,0.0,0.15382888388861665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651099713405415,0.0,0.13133348562773786,0.1462869077232476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15786041945977705,0.12721441634873468,0.0,0.1538983301950535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158665336308765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956220128581141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577234711974985,0.0,0.0,0.2088229186869863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425623371173038,0.13876908827109766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cuttingmat,2020/02/08,"Abusive elder brother diagnosed with bipolar 10 years ago, protective parents never disclosed to me, and as we four are still living together I'm suffocating & emotionally numbed out. r/bipolar thinks he's more likely BPD & misdiagnosed? I'd like to do this in a Q&A-ish format because it'd be a daunting task to describe the complexity in prose and frankly my head is in hot mess. When I wrote in r/bipolar earlier on, folks there think I should be describing borderline personality disorder rather than bipolar, and there's a chance of misdiagnosis. Below is what I've written as a cue in; any kind of advice & help is genuinely appreciated. \-------------------------------- He's suicidal, dangerously misanthropic & antisocial (having seriously plotted about murdering his ex-girlfriends and very much likely our family too), openly egocentric & narcissistic, and during my adolescence physically, verbally,& emotionally abusive to me, fully acknowledged by my parents who penalised me and never once him. My parents revolve around him all his life and berate me when I stand up for myself and for them; they force me to 'love him' and 'accept his love' while enabling his abusive behaviour. I thought taking a break from living with them during my last five years of studies away home would help me put things in perspective, but every waking moment in my home reminds me of things they acted on and said to me that I'd rather not have to remember. \------------------------------ One of my parents is an SEN (special educational needs) counsellor, so they attribute his 'problems' as being 'gifted'. According to my brother's own account (written online in an identifiable pseudonym) he rejects the idea of counselling and tried a bit of expressive art therapy before abandoning it. Then after he finished college he shared about using medication which he also soon abandoned. His instability has been eating me up all my life and numbed me out emotionally; my parents apparently only think he should be allowed to be who he is even at the expense of our own wellbeing. \------------------------------ ""I think he's sick and needs treatment"" is what I said to my parents verbatim eight years ago (therefore two years since his diagnosis) when he destroyed my personal possessions after losing on a video game, moments before my school exams (not to mention how he'd kept me sleepless for years this way); it was followed by three hours of yelling about how I'm the worst son for being selfish and insensitive, and even their family dramas when they were my age and I should be grateful I didn't have to endure what they did. (And my parents turned out to come from a long line of mental illness history running in their families)",10.691848998459172,9.52860359322034,10.202272727272726,60.1302465331279,57.5593220338983,13.073343605546992,43.91217257318952,11.995994275388036,5.532284745762713,2144,106,327,53,22,697,260,472,0.127,0.826,0.047,-0.9914,10,0,0,0,1,0,158.0,3,0,9,2,21,23,3,0,14,0,30,15,2,6,4,62,52,31,2,9,5,10,1,3,0,4,10,3,2,2,14,26,1,4,10,4,2,5,5,14,0,6,12,4,58,9,63,27,8,56,0,4,0,2,58,22,0,0,29,231,72,3,0.0,0.22849258536992376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281606898130107,0.11396503180118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05140665434689421,0.0,0.487550075901834,0.0,0.04371427230050082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057225011738388426,0.0,0.0,0.06039548053366867,0.0,0.0,0.039185986630059615,0.0,0.10939926555618514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017978954023066,0.0,0.0809614990937229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05537364120237826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524533654247275,0.0,0.0,0.07367326017584785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577699743250505,0.0,0.21692732193936687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491590773554057,0.0,0.05416073903440808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817993267623092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597234214730814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617434630467184,0.0,0.1289610830274089,0.0,0.0633052673768877,0.0,0.0,0.07256706481921862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694028262854351,0.0,0.05239877876532925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090809195060207,0.09421547834133348,0.0,0.11352516721178277,0.05688794795170464,0.0,0.07191562196279122,0.0,0.0,0.1160348469650534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475780842380427,0.06478159311301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0472549993037226,0.09532924858728134,0.09915718110364326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845871436937975,0.043559453717299114,0.048889702096710085,0.0,0.0,0.4996463962875655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225791673740056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061509625875299324,0.0,0.0646216200812567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281948800253564,0.0,0.12229466645295438,0.0,0.0,0.06505727419519218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05317510930235963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051336049910361656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031456999103554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04833240451895837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351258714441679,0.0,0.08541281067222807,0.16475840078607712,0.0,0.051033087170399324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04364356589735161,0.06992084956699701,0.0627946158621489,0.0,0.0,0.055519399933260966,0.0,0.05303975583255532,0.0,0.05102441899759623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04566441017526947,0.0,0.0,0.20697896037213856 bpd,Chakura,2020/02/08,"DAE have bad side affects on Latuda? A little background.. I'm diagnosed Bipolar II and BPD, I have pretty bad anxiety as well with panic attacks. My current psychiatrist wants me on as little meds as possible. I am constantly switching meds because they just don't continue working for me. I was previously on zoloft 25mg and then she increased it to 50mg because I was still very depressed. I suddenly started disassociating.. which was fairly new for me. Everytime I would take my meds, it would start in and I wouldn't be able to do anything but sleep for 7 hours until it wore off. I figured out it was the zoloft by skipping a dose here and there and seeing what happened, but still taking my 20mg latuda. I know I shouldn't have skipped doses, but I was desperate. Psychiatrist took me off the zoloft and upped my latuda to 40mg the next appt. I was still having issues but this time with anxiety and feeling very overwhelmed. I thought maybe the zoloft needed to get out of my system, but it was still bad and I almost quit my job.. I ended up going down to part time because I couldn't handle real life. Again, I took it into my own hands and halved my latuda to 20mg and I slowly started getting better along with being prescribed buspar 5mg for anxiety. I decided that the zoloft was out of my system by now and I really need to go back up to my dose of 40mg latuda, what my psych wants me on. 1st day went well. Nothing really happened. Second day, I got so overwhelmed and couldn't do anything but lay in bed and try hard to fall asleep. I couldn't even read.. which is how I felt before. I know I'm messing myself up by messing with my meds, but has anyone had any side effects like worsened anxiety and feeling overwhelmed mentally on Latuda? I'm thinking I just need to tough it out and keep taking it before I go to sleep so the effects wear off before work. TIA",3.5509025915996446,5.244343951742632,4.697069705093835,83.53205674709564,73.28954423592494,7.010866845397676,26.64244861483468,7.675431598112923,1.551440464700625,1486,53,283,19,30,488,180,373,0.092,0.828,0.08,-0.5328,2,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,1,6,17,16,1,4,8,0,28,16,5,4,0,62,63,30,0,12,9,0,5,1,0,4,11,0,1,0,14,25,0,1,11,1,0,8,6,12,2,1,16,6,46,4,50,38,3,58,0,4,1,0,2,24,0,1,25,189,60,5,0.08282821699279043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294049480712372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056326027855683386,0.0,0.2534534371547407,0.0,0.0,0.057915415173328814,0.0,0.13632113032719995,0.0,0.0,0.09422905429894406,0.0,0.06368978618674231,0.2074743043561347,0.15147393688526894,0.0,0.211442136223267,0.0,0.0,0.07325482696646471,0.0,0.0,0.1043192397632266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895078773060376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683469550584544,0.0,0.0713398219265151,0.08406889672741169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336121553831945,0.0,0.0,0.05470725615221897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376087044202794,0.0,0.07952807751203478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654864954029517,0.0,0.14121955348203732,0.0,0.06624529163075539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648943748467444,0.0,0.07419781330571115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156910926414322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864511390941113,0.08219422476179879,0.07362152498987827,0.0,0.0,0.09104044382845657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058504019183396136,0.040465683007833,0.16603126636026938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321207683829686,0.0,0.36801390717634586,0.0,0.08347136132418574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18424822016288228,0.0,0.0799960081069259,0.0880887484374671,0.0,0.0,0.07947590809394799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718106630472748,0.0,0.08969488745236931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337636949108047,0.0,0.08426607396318703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809800429858815,0.08285063148462864,0.09427664434220984,0.10612375348658386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600336513784921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657760690810501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758787149059709,0.0,0.2645868843360483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18682953323936385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053072976992162506,0.0,0.06575635229065678,0.09659559883074548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18405039344866486,0.05623492235114747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668390698334598,0.09770845677490343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894502869097645,0.07678258697271335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205998569001094,0.0,0.0,0.1176775777880723,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,emmaruns402,2020/02/08,things are bad i was doing so well for so long. i was discharged from my dbt hospital thing in july 2018 (been there 6 months) and have been relatively stable since and even graduated from university and got a job and shit but recently (past 3 weeks) i’m spiraling. i’m going back to the dbt day hospital so i have to quit my job. i feel like a failure. it makes me feel so hopeless that this disorder doesn’t go away. even if i get better it’s only temporary. :(,2.533404255319148,4.262259521276596,4.558457446808512,83.30875,76.12765957446808,8.529787234042553,24.51595744680851,9.188382445141503,1.9541744680851068,361,12,76,9,8,124,68,94,0.20800000000000002,0.691,0.10099999999999999,-0.9206,2,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,9,6,1,0,3,0,9,1,1,1,0,9,18,10,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,5,2,8,3,7,13,0,11,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,8,48,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18881473159568135,0.15453090677260686,0.16779871260238366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773862206738894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960682834518775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303251290156847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654730815222442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032294977960496,0.1435705757579242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499675139583373,0.0,0.22842789464563065,0.0,0.1607313448203621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39885667214113457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818212719443813,0.0,0.0,0.17784911269217002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414676281973018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16040961894656736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284415154271475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918453549519731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137527114504854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984302679582764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20628932199375985,0.1662416442716921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670265519771643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120328054232672,0.0,0.18069310419258147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lava_Wizard,2020/02/08,"People think I'm gonna hit my girlfriend and it makes me want to hit them. So my gf keeps getting berrated by her ""friends"" who do nothing but concern her with whatever anger episode I've had. They like to mention the time I punched a garage door three times because A. Loud noises immediately set me off, and this douche likes to drive his GT that his dad bought him (no that's not the anger talking I have confirmed it) and rev his engines, don't know if you've heard them but they're pretty loud. So as he peeled off for at least the 2nd week in a row I flipped him off. He came back and we argued until he peeled off again, I yelled ""Suck my cock cunt"" So of course he came back where we argued some more until he peeled off loud as hell. Meanwhile I'm fighting back the urge to kick his window in and run his little head under the tires and sees if he likes how a GT peels on his face. Instead I got super pissed and punched a garage door three times, shattering my pinky knuckle. Honestly I think that's the best case scenario I could've come out with in that situation without blowing up on someone. The second thing they like to bring up is two days ago when I was just really tired of people's constent disregard for others. And I said really loud in a cafeteria "" I really wish someone would shoot this place up. I would honestly not even blink an eye."" Followed with them reacting accordingly and telling me it was wrong. No shit, I know it's wrong. What else should I do? Get up and start beating the shit out of everyone who deserves it? Sit there and fucking take it so I'm berrated with it over and over until I say something? Which is exactly what I did, I SAID SOMETHING. The problem is she's so stressed about everybody telling her their concerns that she's pushed to tears because of it. And that pisses me off. If I have a breakdown because of this stupid fucking disorder she shouldn't face the consequences. This guy Dane says that ""Oh when you're in a relationship, your baggage is their baggage."" HE'S NOT HAD A SINGLE SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP WHERE IS HE COMING FROM TELLING ME HOW THE HELL THINGS WORK? Now her ""best friend"" Dane (Yes the one mentioned above) thinks I'm dangerous. I know why but it's none of his business and where does he get the gaul to suggest that I might hit her? It makes me wanna take him and beat him until my arms go numb and he's nothing but a sniveling little white knight because he thinks he's her protector. Pretentious. I'm stressed the fuck out with working with two days break, school five days a week, varsity sports, and the fact that I'm enlisting in the goddamn Navy. Excuse me if I'm sick of people treating others like trash and expecting there to be no backlash, I can say whatever the fuck I want. Until I actually do something to harm someone else mind your own god damn business. This is a jumbled mess that I came back to multiple times to add to. Hope it's comprehensible and it belongs here. I don't know where else to rant without people assuming I'm a god damn psychopath, I might be idk all I know is I was evaluated and they said I have BPD so....",3.3031674937965287,5.151733517741938,3.7909677419354857,89.11952853598017,74.30645161290323,6.898263027295287,26.761786600496286,7.680030821947732,1.3884739454094288,2471,92,509,33,52,774,280,620,0.23,0.667,0.10300000000000001,-0.9986,1,0,3,1,2,0,62.0,2,2,8,8,28,44,21,2,31,1,30,19,10,5,3,86,84,45,0,15,14,1,0,5,4,7,4,12,3,1,36,37,1,2,10,1,1,11,12,29,0,7,15,15,72,15,66,57,9,70,2,0,3,5,72,32,15,9,29,311,108,5,0.0,0.0,0.06683448990765313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607105536305471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21065243457737126,0.0,0.16699879991402788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374803637192538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625834354723641,0.0,0.0,0.2349963660477456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799283905963337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05468216169669738,0.0,0.0,0.13250744381319932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849327714567883,0.0,0.0599343833469304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17163901653282332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04523573318225272,0.0,0.0,0.06544329871438315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582744673953376,0.2532645181331641,0.10734659056000634,0.0,0.038923356124555566,0.0,0.05477617682837898,0.0,0.0,0.0678139702816894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028853241675634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802412025482846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608753553942881,0.0,0.0,0.1881962976885145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672990904978612,0.13728610413373918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143265502295822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531006688469816,0.06915344051131196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143232637922192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04640929782101881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18992405439935645,0.0,0.0715554702439752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967700276373831,0.0,0.06553384632949458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162565995800413,0.0,0.0,0.1470611413187355,0.0,0.0,0.1954435528796583,0.16339341857345244,0.0,0.06931359684038674,0.05457613531556079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060406689143934,0.0,0.07698347531903546,0.0,0.0,0.17408919252647762,0.15817641795961254,0.0,0.0,0.04847621796145282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690573635519578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298903059179024,0.05504812718248068,0.17958481096972434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100087879760284,0.17553759374992325,0.0,0.0,0.15974380886986936,0.1574339538086822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380581161630042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807920921499173,0.0,0.10987401878793514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617998426600691,0.0,0.07875791596015091,0.13204013685657287,0.0,0.09972028085948764,0.0,0.0,0.09730393890608444,0.14976193559321074,0.0,0.0 bpd,PuffSwagDragon,2020/02/08,"Favorite Person Hello everyone, fellow BPD human. And I wanted to ask everyone, what are some ways that you ""deal"" (interact more appropriately); With your favorite person. It's something I know I struggle with and I'm sure others do too. Every day, I want to spend every second with them. It is also a challenge, not actully knowing where my ""obsession"" starts for my FP and where my love begins and ends. I love my FP and have been with them for almost a year and a half now, and I don't want to stop loving them of course. But I want to grow and be able to handle the overwhelming emotion of not loosing them to litterly anything and everything that I may create in my own head. Some things I do personally, 1. I never try to use their phone, I know of there is any person of the opposite sex I'll just try to read or see what it is; so I give them that personal space. 2. Let them go out with friends when they'd like to, now writing this down sounds silly. But letting my FP go out with friends when ever they want to, has been really hard. I used to complain and bitch and send texts every hour asking when they'd be done. Now, I've stopped that for the most part with some small outbursts here and there. Which really helps my relationship with my FP, but does make me feel like stuffing feeling, but meditation and exercise work that down to a comfortable level. So I ask everyone here, what are some things you do or try to do to help manage our BPD with our Favroite Person? Thank you for your time, we made it this far, so what's trying for one more day.",4.4967233195529035,5.323713340836015,5.172852549379878,84.35317256162917,69.93247588424438,8.367539427346502,26.385086510488442,8.563005593585519,1.6455253713060791,1223,36,251,19,21,395,164,311,0.027000000000000003,0.8220000000000001,0.151,0.9827,0,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,3,5,10,2,19,17,1,3,7,0,22,6,1,4,3,61,50,26,0,5,9,0,3,2,3,1,1,1,0,7,19,25,0,2,5,2,1,4,4,5,0,3,4,5,41,12,37,39,9,34,0,1,1,4,45,11,1,9,20,177,60,4,0.0871525094122179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727064902243452,0.0,0.0,0.06969583028961626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059266694987199615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171908937119585,0.0,0.2444274947293399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219531069372926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241231724733462,0.08985041035015033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626774829702873,0.08918727583366687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803484268167503,0.0771912551039418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883443433867894,0.2202892441101076,0.24983387274634244,0.07832705583345384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881338547974516,0.06226177013798325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466762516146505,0.0,0.0,0.08360462845090487,0.09906155905866196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807152993592559,0.0,0.08944361815650971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683297992591278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582766623490462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369021981378674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17823869127432224,0.0,0.08515662771103627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359756272170205,0.08246581166536036,0.058174976782982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721738804048226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059056795902390616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437767474338926,0.0,0.0,0.4565892575385096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717609411899807,0.0,0.11166425839402584,0.0,0.0,0.0935691791925772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944926632810602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709425963189461,0.0,0.0,0.061686994733472014,0.0,0.0,0.14572680059931556,0.0,0.091110725676169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821402087134326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023832135785175,0.0,0.0,0.11580050934651777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05081932910017937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23668333219971735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505435716325183,0.0,0.0,0.2570240404749166,0.06917760535601923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344806483347205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05612335865420627 bpd,bpdmessohyes,2020/02/08,"Started doing The Borderline Personality Disorder workbook, and wow! Mind blown. I was wondering what everyone's thoughts were when it came to this workbook, and whether there were any better out there? I'm doing a chapter each week and letting my partner read so he has a better understanding of BPD and how it effects me. He's shed a few tears.",4.435989583333331,7.0578639531250005,5.16375,77.03958333333338,73.53125,8.016666666666666,34.104166666666664,8.841846274778883,3.3609666666666667,279,15,47,6,6,90,50,64,0.069,0.782,0.149,0.7424,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,2,0,14,13,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,3,3,3,7,2,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,33,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703475548395336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4344741703325385,0.0,0.0,0.30935855712687643,0.0,0.0,0.2809318060954851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815097759053269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23470708607820664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511702079997579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480132088929287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21447198691163927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456934298151419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385602629049654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19500036918151484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557063275179988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19702713105865066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663719600191184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cloudedconscience,2020/02/08,"Can't Stop Looking Back Idk why it's been so bad lately, but I can't stop thinking about the past. There's people I loved so, so freaking much and they're just gone and don't care about me. They're able to move on and be happy so easily... but I'm stuck in the past, stuck with the pain, stuck with the impulse to look at their social media and desperately hope things could be different eventually. I feel like I'm being held hostage by my own mind... I have no will and I can't stop myself from drinking the poison. I was feeling so much better but it's all coming back and I really freaking hate this. I just want the pain to go away... how do you forget??? Does it ever go away? It's been almost a year & I still think about my old fp. Everyone just keeps fading away and it gets so hard to stay optimistic. A few months ago I lost my bestfriend who was like a sister to me to an abusive/controlling guy I used to talk to. He basically forced her to stop being my friend after 5 freaking years. I've asked this so many times and I just don't know how to move on. How do you cope with this never ending torture??? I don't know what to do anymore.",1.0114187327823707,2.9863533305785133,2.6780371900826445,93.82190426997248,81.80991735537191,5.5209366391184584,18.34779614325069,6.6274283507984215,-0.12704187327823702,894,20,202,9,24,294,135,242,0.22899999999999998,0.604,0.166,-0.9653,1,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,2,1,2,22,18,3,0,10,0,20,5,0,4,3,44,48,21,0,3,7,1,3,2,1,1,3,0,0,1,11,12,1,6,6,1,0,6,8,10,0,0,10,5,24,8,27,32,5,35,0,1,2,1,13,7,0,2,23,129,35,0,0.10846403657945816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614682408220714,0.0,0.10861106503670444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752073831804707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756717913077236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139923263311793,0.0,0.3057165983524545,0.16680429808836722,0.09056293999801296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592762611809094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105863140418588,0.0,0.0,0.09343216345105594,0.0,0.0,0.12165163990809265,0.08659970740971465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332183283213275,0.0,0.0,0.09491760933692793,0.0,0.0,0.10625346315787937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606694257772563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811193076940414,0.0,0.10364203507584496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968535174845258,0.07748672940450417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379904560461349,0.0,0.05666798242474775,0.0,0.12328522308561984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073964489052026,0.0,0.11546198381939808,0.09716247226723428,0.10708578074336364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772926175716964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640781933326792,0.0,0.0,0.11921799584891862,0.0,0.12235215762252337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598009908522824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821649467221812,0.0,0.11840130862027412,0.0,0.09789302773168096,0.0,0.0,0.1099655089878632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951775732407484,0.0,0.08657495919045413,0.2305602112963775,0.15946709383580568,0.0,0.08365415160583344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138147607753146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23082676440744795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070823917532993,0.07519530606836068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948483921318832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105654260945473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560823139442505,0.08661951972106309,0.3627231651139517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717928405788511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205868635562078,0.13899875010854615,0.0,0.0,0.06324625197415877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367810273322233,0.0,0.0,0.06397489898085093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787192251127882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969456684808876 bpd,TomHanks_Mistress,2020/02/08,"How to not engage Any tips on how to deescalate our feelings when it gets overwhelming. I can do breath exercises and grounding exercises at home. But when Im on the verge of a fight, how can I just um trigger my mind? I just need to know what to do in the on second before the fight beginnings when I have this fickle light of sanity. Last time I got triggered by something that happned only in my mind and I felt myself about to scream and say horrible things that I would regret later. So I just ran. Ran away from home without saying anything because otherwise I would break in from of them. Soo, how do you stop yourself from fighting even before the fight beginnings.",5.175683760683762,6.3486941923076925,5.474102564102567,81.54311965811969,68.61538461538461,8.23931623931624,29.05982905982906,8.515128840125781,2.1111111111111107,535,19,100,8,9,170,83,130,0.17600000000000002,0.8240000000000001,0.0,-0.9663,0,0,1,0,5,0,10.0,1,1,1,0,13,8,4,1,5,0,8,3,1,6,0,25,18,12,0,4,6,0,2,0,0,2,2,3,2,0,6,3,0,1,3,2,0,2,2,7,1,1,4,6,15,1,22,12,0,22,0,2,0,0,9,10,0,0,9,74,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152864933667555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916384334721334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18171950629821906,0.0,0.0,0.11790382461239594,0.0,0.3291633802826559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774860547690567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779629929463043,0.0,0.1857084729337065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105121388210657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469142889734705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880214898921156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20892109926969699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062956777499812,0.1576588202250841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39058748329146975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341457205066696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710061828431814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30762231387246275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890010906687665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617033753874984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284961527729542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278168486004245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18644489835554096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27479255067184666,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,haiyleel,2020/02/08,"Obsessive repetition? Does anyone else get constant repetition of one thing in their heads? There’s this person that I’ve been on and off with (never officially being together) in a weird situation ship type deal for a couple years; I’ve been through more shit with this person than I have with someone I actually dated. But that’s beside the point. My issue is that his name repeats in my head constantly, almost all day. Right now we’re in an off period, and he claims to not feel anything towards me, but his actions speak otherwise at times. Am I just being obsessive, or is there something wrong with me? I don’t feel like it’s normal for this to be happening as much as it does.",6.266590909090907,6.682685053030305,6.935909090909089,74.72386363636366,65.89393939393939,10.236363636363636,30.893939393939394,10.125756701596842,3.007739393939394,545,19,101,12,8,180,94,132,0.096,0.879,0.025,-0.7927,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,4,6,1,2,4,0,10,3,3,0,2,18,14,7,0,1,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,9,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,2,3,11,1,22,9,3,24,0,0,0,0,9,11,1,2,13,71,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.161124477517499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533477426140689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544942089151305,0.16917568843540326,0.1358722501120864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35685257782523794,0.0,0.0,0.18269213462481465,0.0,0.10648290865530254,0.17022214775460226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28897942411024097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792901887773054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697012284139628,0.11795530142365268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626366087910825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600707491878198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389029549494572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17233294303350027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066487402796498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213755520791343,0.0,0.1273437496180145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617736825159961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188345828176068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28833703989034065,0.0,0.0,0.15608322393790475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100385602614704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16948402573298074,0.0,0.1855916347293093,0.0,0.0,0.13989797895283027,0.12711048210061848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969238390355424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962775274277422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805229130783139,0.0,0.10632604361060494 bpd,anonhelpneeded1320,2020/02/08,"Bored in relationship, am I being BPD? I am bpd, realised I have been diagnosed on and off for 8years. I am a 26f and he is a 27m... We have been together for 7 years now and well to be frank I am so bored!! I love this man to death and I know he loves me so very much, he has planned our life out no lie till death. When it comes to my mental health he understands as much as he can, he is so very supportive. Things have begun to get stale. He works alot of hours, he is a software engineer and also freelancers on the side, (we are sp very lucky that we do not need the money ) I currently dont work as the anxiety side of bpd prohibits it. I don't get alot of time together because of the long hours he works and I actually have to schedule myself in his calendar to spend time with him. I ask for date nights I get scheduled in and we go for a pint to the local, and in bed by 12. It feels like a total cop out if I'm completely honest. (I much prefer a day together) I'm fed up with being over looked. He will happily go out with his work friends, have different experiences with them but if I want to do something it's the safe norm. I'm so bored and fed up with how things have been. I have expressed how I feel and he just doesnt get it, he says he makes the time and puts the effort in, what more can he do? I say more and he gets upset/mad. What can I do? Do I say nothing and just have fun with my girlfriends (Is that not a bit of a crappy relationship)? I want to have fun and enjoy life with this man, but he can be such a wet blanket. This honestly is maddening.. Am I being bpd?! It is so hard to know. TL;DR I love my over half, I want our relationship to last and continue to grow but I am a tad bored am I being BPD?",0.12109052631578975,1.945132621333336,2.481617543859649,94.84735263157896,84.12,6.187368421052632,19.20175438596491,7.3759095455046575,0.24385333333333306,1323,35,324,21,38,452,167,375,0.055,0.794,0.151,0.9888,2,0,1,1,0,0,48.0,6,0,1,6,14,18,0,0,20,0,46,9,0,3,1,57,75,33,2,7,9,0,4,1,2,1,4,3,1,2,15,30,2,1,6,0,2,5,6,4,1,1,5,8,40,14,48,63,9,42,0,0,1,3,41,18,0,5,20,213,55,4,0.0,0.0,0.08478731503844948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948197551116739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664668564453254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122583102636619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052964344752679485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485601582449199,0.0,0.5471436498684841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484381216534597,0.09109736436929622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05603369557171745,0.0,0.0,0.08818653797756545,0.0,0.09077642706158516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182867902216472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499029048625524,0.0,0.0,0.08786342476005578,0.062070726039600836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712720542056623,0.0,0.2269693687767761,0.0,0.09875759843896266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783197514953116,0.0,0.0,0.09235478831009424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17112862501912887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549954703467392,0.07082294518564883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227390178863746,0.04244766650059805,0.0,0.0,0.07689057101028228,0.0729615934812815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23525155928830616,0.0,0.05799647260677096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755973566921134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19161161601250096,0.06442419371568815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153577171087749,0.0,0.08336858767343823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734351381202289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798462141957135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20728353391996468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688838751631544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859617110569743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544518690947014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199018500933312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045044341558893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150678971057309,0.15374123254016364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812013087203724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25301352282746664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595114966579295 bpd,wooden_elephant,2020/02/08,"I'm like 30-40% convinced that everything's just a simulation and nothing is real Like... not ""convinced"" as a figure or speech, but genuinely, actually convinced. It's only 30-40 right now but I guess you could say I have my ""suspicions."" It's only 30-40% because I rationally know that it's not true and it's just because or my disorder etc. I have the rational knowledge that I'm wrong. I imagine that being at 90-100% would be how schizophrenic people see the world. Everything is a conspiracy, etc. I'm only at 30-40% but idk. It kind of feels like I'm losing my mind. I always just have the suspicion at the back of my mind. Everyone is just a programmed NPC or something. Idk.",2.2251809954751103,4.371593735294123,4.541470588235296,81.13565610859732,78.55882352941177,8.008144796380092,27.373303167420808,8.841846274778883,2.4166692307692306,532,23,104,13,13,185,71,136,0.18600000000000005,0.737,0.077,-0.9423,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,0,1,7,10,0,0,8,0,10,1,0,1,1,27,18,10,0,2,12,0,1,3,0,1,1,2,0,0,9,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,11,8,6,14,2,7,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,4,5,63,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.15866317454417936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528687175054596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502071924872504,0.0,0.19822519612283154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981389366065402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863408032217718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626588881549197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536052629434444,0.2922485846359289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220976152171028,0.11615344152883116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791098478596806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693111721012781,0.08935452958488703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382979641208131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18189523212022815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283365943942191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600829878306693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37096823201102175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271857328057765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18506160233385754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884991135284933,0.0,0.12929710656035226,0.0,0.0,0.1295621900531333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516876962865486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549838910885735,0.17776528376240985,0.0,0.0 bpd,amatorsanguinis,2020/02/08,"I’m constantly in a music video I feel like with my life and my emotions I am constantly living in music videos. If it’s a sad song everything is dark, blue, and depressing. Lying in my bed, alone, crying. I can feel it; I’m living it. There are party song where I dgaf and I’m drinking endlessly and having fun and yelling and hooking up and throwing up after and regretting it all. Angry songs where I have scene after scene of red, physical altercations, teary screaming, and incredible action scenes. Love songs where everything is happy but maybe all in my head. Can anyone else relate? I guess it’s kinda nice but I wish I could just turn. Off. The Music.",2.4278402699662536,5.0588845905511794,3.836046119235096,83.71726377952756,81.04724409448819,6.778177727784027,21.66985376827897,7.957251820313856,1.353317660292463,521,16,95,10,14,171,78,127,0.11900000000000001,0.7490000000000001,0.132,0.574,0,1,1,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,3,0,9,4,1,0,2,23,18,12,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,6,1,0,5,10,1,0,2,7,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,10,12,5,11,17,2,16,0,3,2,1,1,10,0,3,5,59,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19185817902682095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295277637355895,0.18980561731927648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003685426228187,0.0,0.1479032331970059,0.0,0.2034831737541203,0.0,0.0,0.15955143499846824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814697902508894,0.0,0.0,0.1547486096640064,0.20837593715718367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33297291488610403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873310966421019,0.1323392209002088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20406849258462592,0.0,0.0,0.19719697940126826,0.0,0.0,0.19011503712624256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084417597094425,0.09050145651811943,0.0,0.3271498430514888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719104188723358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18610372033769407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20149360290478105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130228588067675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Onecks,2020/02/08,"Relationship between BPD and memory? Does BPD negatively affect memory, because I feel like my memory has been getting progressively worse and I've been feeling progressively retarded.",9.309880952380947,13.578305464285714,10.38571428571429,37.22595238095241,65.78571428571429,15.161904761904767,41.476190476190474,12.45797560212912,8.631247619047619,155,9,15,8,3,53,21,28,0.207,0.6709999999999999,0.122,-0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,6,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807636698251333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7358410934080537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25564009440195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29541382122207005,0.20869378146209985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262297984357798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271726144463304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31363235884119184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29769979428218696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bunnehluver,2020/02/08,Alone I sit on my phone just flipping back & forth on my app pages. I know there’s no one to reach out to that can help me stop crying. No one cares.,-1.1105882352941163,0.7790076470588225,0.2191176470588232,108.63102941176471,90.1764705882353,3.4000000000000004,11.441176470588234,3.1291,-2.149976470588236,116,1,32,0,4,36,28,34,0.282,0.5539999999999999,0.16399999999999998,-0.5994,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,5,1,5,3,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579682028887131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37448970893759226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657679569353903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35239258322169004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796580703326252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316683477495251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18994908134749425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4684153511710017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28896196210245023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,garthur4056,2020/02/08,"DAE feel weird attachments and empathy towards other people’s relationship breakdowns? I don’t even know how to explain it. A few years ago my best friend split up with her partner of 7 years and there are entire albums I cannot listen to now because it reminds me of such a sad time for her?? I even get it with people I’ve dated and their ex’s, like when I think about their past relationships and how it ended I feel so much sadness towards it and I’ll shed tears and it’s almost to the point where I feel like they belong together and it’s so bittersweet but FREAKING PSYCHOTIC. I’m also a jealous person, so this doesn’t even make sense for me to be able to feel like this at times???",3.3180270793036755,4.784856418439716,4.389232753062544,86.42454545454548,73.46808510638297,7.113088330109607,24.8749194068343,7.686295010490155,1.1951503546099294,549,17,112,7,11,179,91,141,0.132,0.774,0.09300000000000001,-0.7554,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,1,15,10,1,0,4,0,5,0,0,3,0,21,16,15,0,0,1,1,4,3,2,0,0,1,0,2,10,9,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,5,14,5,16,15,3,16,0,2,0,0,13,6,0,1,13,74,24,0,0.1751971274146615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530168266331765,0.0,0.17543461593316126,0.0,0.0,0.14010507949652606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679854275103204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838585764178825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517265362696542,0.0,0.0,0.347148151001769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35433972682213466,0.2503217256621509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353568660453024,0.0,0.0915332680793902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962837594263907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567774007182253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169454429772764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879004708962027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724548208547255,0.24291925754749316,0.15297537399025588,0.0,0.0,0.16561791412290713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.376192298297474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122592450973638,0.0,0.0,0.2043177077869332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256424119831777 bpd,emmjz,2020/02/08,"Making Better Choices Normally I self destruct when things start to go wrong- I procrastinate my homework, shut everyone out, overeat, drink, you name it. The past few days have been pretty awful. My best friend drunkenly rambled about my faults when I picked her up for a safe ride home from the bar, which made me feel shitty about myself. My boyfriend came to me wanting to be honest about a past hookup (before we dated) that he had denied at first. I felt betrayed by this, because my decision to pursue a relationship was in part because I trusted that he was being honest about this situation. I’m hurt, confused, and feel like I have no one to talk to about it because my usual two confidants and shoulders to cry on are the ones I don’t want to be around at the moment. But despite all this, tonight I finished quizzes and homework for all three of my classes, made plans with another mom friend to get our kids together tomorrow, and I’ve remained calm and friendly to my coworkers. I won’t let my BPD control and ruin my life anymore. I won’t fall apart because things are going wrong, because the only one that would suffer the consequences is me. I’m choosing to be my biggest supporter, instead of my biggest obstacle.",7.429370026525202,7.429278077586211,7.137241379310348,75.67805039787801,63.48275862068965,9.724668435013264,37.24270557029177,9.265573868473778,3.451376923076924,982,45,172,15,13,310,148,232,0.17300000000000001,0.677,0.15,-0.8074,0,0,1,0,0,1,26.0,2,1,0,5,9,20,1,1,9,1,18,5,1,5,2,31,34,9,0,4,1,1,3,1,3,3,1,0,3,2,11,11,3,2,5,2,0,5,4,8,0,6,8,3,30,12,30,18,5,29,0,3,0,0,15,11,0,1,14,120,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253804457812112,0.0,0.0,0.11858213840443005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064433933934114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644463551568213,0.0,0.10174597354198148,0.0,0.12548221410852847,0.10575068649252777,0.0,0.0,0.15059528055932844,0.0,0.0,0.136757180890384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410885845737014,0.0,0.0,0.13134294733042293,0.07711329654860395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171338969372785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425505667429688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091721347606385,0.08542142821818144,0.11480675254585905,0.0,0.0,0.10170689093341348,0.0,0.0,0.277140390898361,0.0,0.06247082603906338,0.0,0.1359097217691911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199392964380846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280030515948277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226927967715898,0.08445641669522236,0.058416270089974576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262816298352942,0.07981446066099326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003991649081846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715403073744365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430728763794471,0.09093900787574323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948356191326935,0.2282877829319705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216465254053033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837432835782508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473845804717185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134402628051321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463285224532968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13568756626625447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961065076884017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887509903509514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680333120349495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169038160815633,0.0,0.14105195258739375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493969033305775,0.26146387445310765,0.0,0.0 bpd,funkyshrimped,2020/02/08,"Advice please! I had a coworker/friend that I used to open up to frequently (they seemed concerned, and I needed to let go of some shit) I opened up about my mental health and my suicidal thoughts etc. We were speaking constantly everyday for a good 3/4 weeks. One day she messaged me to say she had her own stuff going on and couldn’t help me out anymore. Don’t get me wrong - I appreciated the honesty, but I felt completely abandoned. I had never opened up to anyone before, and now I’m terrified of opening up to anyone ever again. We still work together, but I just feel extremely awkward and uncomfortable around her now because I don’t know how to act?? Did I do something wrong?",4.509545454545453,6.10075995454546,5.291333333333334,80.63700000000003,70.66666666666666,8.613333333333333,29.86666666666667,9.120678840339163,2.5793884848484856,542,22,102,11,10,176,90,132,0.187,0.743,0.07,-0.9646,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,2,0,1,1,9,6,1,1,3,0,10,2,1,2,2,29,21,8,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,13,0,1,5,0,0,3,4,5,0,1,7,4,22,1,18,12,3,25,0,1,0,0,11,11,1,2,11,74,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16540001088939388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786155265058253,0.23670262607919065,0.0,0.0,0.15067828532047525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318000983558616,0.0,0.14402874939269986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746706761900305,0.1829111433433184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915942200760552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18877089481399897,0.0,0.1531063765507559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558350974852945,0.0,0.16251722220923584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307707241139623,0.0,0.08843195101202407,0.0,0.19238999417160785,0.14196819981770115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17991665922982872,0.0,0.0,0.11345216318313385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930214868922095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308096652867802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17057540180544753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550497834485386,0.13054461302876408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469571776804448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857978853964297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460323901854754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408896979375222,0.0,0.0,0.1737441108828411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030548218895455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517215183777034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937634909914293,0.1851441968720189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343744253753939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461872654951956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577106356513685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232241137683177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701209348919615,0.0,0.0 bpd,maddawg_c,2020/02/08,"Major anxiety ruining my life right now Pretty much my anxiety is ruining my life right now. It’s so bad I’m having chest pains (yes I went to the dr, there’s nothing actually physically wrong with me) My chest pains are so bad that work won’t let me come pack with out a note from my doctor clearing me. My doctor won’t give me the note. So now I have to go to the psychiatrist and try to convince him that I’m not ready to go back to work, which I’m not. Then I’m panicking about being able to get another job after. Money isn’t an issue luckily my partner is a very understanding supporting person but I’m on the edge of snapping",1.8538471177944869,3.678579390977447,4.3475375939849625,83.63353696741856,78.3984962406015,8.042355889724309,23.865288220551378,8.841846274778883,1.775652130325815,501,17,106,12,12,176,80,133,0.125,0.789,0.086,-0.4985,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,9,9,0,0,7,1,10,9,2,0,1,10,23,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,1,0,1,4,5,7,0,0,1,0,14,2,15,18,2,14,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,6,64,18,5,0.15871321457797616,0.0,0.15488120277165818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16642464394511486,0.24283034946996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204066522839332,0.26503780943441657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367173809304863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32489940075059603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292110397063465,0.15225217752800851,0.18040075478425815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565536103171766,0.15749837561787994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229501505525978,0.22420767432761726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667247449133668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15228960990663631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377641008492351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858225711542008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614683976564053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27108043611064064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18010587506640174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077558544894232,0.0,0.0,0.1652260536978128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309550238193114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712873999343856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310902209560583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17352798492318575,0.0,0.0 bpd,simmmerdown,2020/02/08,"The only thing I’m good at is f-ing up my life. I [21F] just wanna start by saying I’ve not been diagnosed nor have ever sought out professional help. Mainly because I don’t have insurance or the financial means to do so. For as long as I can remember I’ve always been socially awkward and just socially anxious in general. I consider myself a “hermit” if you will. Any thought of having to leave my house and be surrounded by complete strangers in a place that I’m unfamiliar to hardly ever doesn’t send me into a full blown panic attack. I’m only ever able to make friends on PlayStation because it’s just easier that way. About a year ago I found out my bf of five years was cheating on me. Since than I’ve gone through so many existential crises. I’ve gone through 5 jobs because I’m too mentally exhausted to put on a fake smile for the world. Most days I stay in bed crying all day, isolating myself from everyone. I don’t find joy in the things I once did. I lash out on the people around me that do nothing but love me and try to help. Without any planning or thinking it through I moved to Dallas from my relatively small city.I ended up renting with a friend that barely even known. I guess I was just trying to find myself, but really I was just trying to run away from my problems. I wasn’t even there for 6 months when I came home. I was even more lonely out there, but the thing that made me want to come home was because my roommate decided to sexually assault me. I’ve been unemployed for the past month, but I finally got a job at a store in a position that is composed of mostly men. Ruining my credit and digging myself into the deepest financial hole because I’m too mentally exhausted and depressed to go to work. I just don’t see the point to anything anymore. All I wanted in life was to be happy. But now that seems impossible. I don’t wanna spend my life working in a position I don’t enjoying. Living from paycheck to paycheck. I wish I could do what I love (baking) for a living. When I was in Dallas I looked into going to culinary and pastry school, but there was no way in hell I would ever be able to afford it. I don’t wanna be just another cog in the machine. I hate myself everyday because I just keep pushing the people that love me away. I flip out on them over nothing. I’m angry all the time and I dont know why. I hate the world and my life and I have yet to find my purpose. I do crazy, stupid, radical things in order to feel some sense of life fulfillment. But my brain is constantly bringing me down and making me feel like I’m not worth a damn thing. But then other times I feel on top of the world and I try to accomplish everything that I possibly can all at once knowing that in a few hours I’d lose all my motivation and go back to giving up on myself. When I’m motivated my mind goes into hyperdrive and I end up just giving myself more anxiety about anything. I’m starting to believe I’ll never get myself out of the trouble I’m in. I’m starting to not want to. And I can’t talk to anyone about it because everyone who I’ve ever tried explaining everything to just looks at me like I’m a crazy person and they always end up walking out of my life. How do I get out of this mindset? How do I find my purpose in life?",3.620432811723795,4.629400445603579,5.249356371087926,82.32572854570293,72.11475409836065,8.333842523596621,27.988108544461003,8.72156446121922,2.066802508693492,2573,94,521,46,48,875,292,671,0.13699999999999998,0.76,0.10300000000000001,-0.9781,6,2,0,0,0,1,53.0,0,1,2,8,38,31,8,2,29,0,44,15,1,7,11,109,100,37,0,11,25,0,4,2,3,2,10,1,5,2,23,31,1,1,20,0,5,14,17,19,0,1,20,8,78,12,107,73,13,108,1,4,3,3,22,56,2,8,36,361,101,11,0.1207050923836692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053498890734798334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043630634655808,0.0,0.0,0.08208360197488225,0.0632849069175803,0.046169532644570216,0.06818119852748497,0.05985350860936689,0.04219990356392495,0.0,0.0993300062913532,0.05372656159356935,0.0,0.06865973406966999,0.11340640766312407,0.04640738268117027,0.0,0.2575324639052282,0.0,0.0,0.0679966523704137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737340133548625,0.0,0.06902723474169993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05198837456461426,0.06327849642689598,0.06521966179853786,0.0,0.04818659720280045,0.0,0.06629443805448698,0.07784479890431964,0.0,0.0519815595995749,0.061256563973595135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073273465452036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603633270236015,0.0,0.0,0.1195868626838622,0.2729616663949592,0.0,0.11533888847569056,0.10848195392515499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154818223711336,0.04311587105845557,0.0,0.06611326434400276,0.22064453536309656,0.0,0.0,0.06617345178497701,0.09325645495369513,0.0,0.06306342885150153,0.1157913233816086,0.10289922847737716,0.050620852338551306,0.04826944449962893,0.0,0.06648513383652725,0.0,0.0,0.06424640767224424,0.0540640269397062,0.11917128907641128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090607907062551,0.0,0.12107704935248688,0.0,0.05943510090431513,0.06963873521741604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978117908949512,0.05364411608729529,0.0,0.0,0.06633636206318802,0.0,0.0,0.0639046321974161,0.0,0.0,0.2984015174849001,0.05897041108893975,0.0,0.10658480799458683,0.05341010419590174,0.10136187724794382,0.06751906160522114,0.0,0.0,0.16341158777656292,0.05710703847023212,0.08057158645650239,0.0611880091318262,0.0,0.06574161575809635,0.0,0.0,0.1216423429820234,0.0,0.06093886707678695,0.0,0.09634565314689084,0.06414520536523666,0.0,0.0,0.04654760423959705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581979157647455,0.0,0.0,0.12854698400055353,0.0,0.09180166193755764,0.0,0.07081070927360808,0.0,0.0,0.05761333437305222,0.08368171287033525,0.05269751542848337,0.0630555653858076,0.0,0.05705266381817154,0.06803842769459564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774923591618548,0.0,0.06067097840790504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03866338650575693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836766980959635,0.0,0.0,0.04799476710557726,0.0,0.06107999881480072,0.04809316544439562,0.05494269136993365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049924249875889386,0.0,0.0,0.12304364093443322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815352848229306,0.06432778407870679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04850909051517862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20047774976614507,0.038671474670720817,0.0,0.047913180231488564,0.07038411005355738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20487708609538674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679248627349157,0.09581008397457244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544587857000732,0.0,0.06940244963163207,0.058177700843295314,0.0,0.08787474484602313,0.0,0.0,0.042872717215535566,0.0,0.0,0.07773012202317688 bpd,antiallie,2020/02/08,"Longest week of my life This is a lot of venting, but I just came up from the worst depressive spiral in a very very long time, seriously feels like I've been drowning for 7 whole days. Some background info to get out of the way (a lot to unpack so I apologize in advance) : I'm 21 and just started going back to school since a suicide attempt when I first went to college two years ago, so I'm pretty broke atm. I really am very lucky and grateful that I can save money and live at home close to work, but it does feel suffocating at times, but especially now. I also have not seen my therapist in two months, the last time I went was also after a span of not seeing her (due to her being sick) and went so terribly that I had to stay home from work the rest of the day. I haven't been medicated in about a year, okayed by my therapist because I was feeling fine without it. This past weekend my dad (an alcoholic) got blackout drunk with his friend here at home, ending in my brother accidentally getting hurt, consoling him, having to stop his friend from drunk driving, and literally carrying my dad inside from the front lawn. That night I went to bed, woke up 4 hours before work and relapsed. The next couple days were full of suicidal ideation and self harm, in between work and school. I've suffered from bulimia for 4 years, been recovering for the past 2, but fully relapsed this week. I don't know what it was but I have not felt this low since my suicide attempt two years ago. I've always felt very responsible for my family and that whenever things turn sour that it's in some way my fault. It wasn't until today that something in my head clicked and things turned up, I feel completely fine for the time being but I'm nervous about how long it will last before I fall back down. TLDR I need to see my therapist asap and get back on meds probably, I've just been going through it alone and needed to let it out",7.304482616462827,6.020542336814621,7.429803490449362,77.69797444001652,64.27415143603133,10.569685309880445,33.473821629792496,9.549672527348893,2.813885639686684,1517,51,307,24,19,492,200,383,0.179,0.726,0.095,-0.9916,0,1,2,0,0,2,36.0,0,0,0,8,17,19,0,1,16,1,22,7,1,1,0,48,52,26,4,2,13,3,6,1,2,1,4,0,5,1,21,17,3,1,8,3,2,11,7,11,0,4,20,11,32,8,54,28,8,75,0,5,4,0,12,22,0,5,40,193,53,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020165624425972,0.07848586847468679,0.0,0.07606250863077119,0.0,0.11746114456614395,0.06110861951419772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169414300111441,0.0,0.04476882320973784,0.0,0.1249854042261884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399669755661633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700126980454658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126083595925045,0.0,0.14208969954517825,0.0,0.06325444379374816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426852920199924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504674051036495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923343963330497,0.0,0.14853547789755447,0.05246611420462025,0.14102934863480915,0.0,0.0,0.06246869745001004,0.0,0.0,0.113480342523639,0.0,0.11510934299942477,0.0,0.08347618545603791,0.0,0.05873730776023491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537143699374252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22100129753635894,0.0,0.07232438346383313,0.0,0.07861988336650996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04036113689095593,0.1197280897937989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509818233047387,0.05187340104319865,0.03587945977817552,0.0,0.06484956202253085,0.12998557411138267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248734647685335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157616033434413,0.07398386836970539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861973696727831,0.0,0.0,0.1089108286850517,0.0,0.0,0.07810511207385587,0.06891920528874568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021508584749942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747156846664786,0.07918159170612511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047048049874678304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865199819763053,0.11704560055142445,0.0,0.07661475957642891,0.0,0.0,0.12150195885024233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05653830722319789,0.0,0.0,0.051981768321933935,0.07827810927043062,0.0,0.06139978791137265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24099690912842675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25581124879253225,0.0975815935663726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129565821615472,0.0,0.06961328059193367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15976497835776465,0.21522293792899716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423853684606556,0.0,0.11658775955028185,0.11781954181689405,0.0,0.0,0.2723213880184312,0.0,0.08199401799177326,0.0,0.07079429967837696,0.0,0.21386307573573407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18917384058774706 bpd,adovest,2020/02/08,"Dating with BPD - breaking it off or trying to work it out? I've been dating this guy for about a month now, maybe a little more. My overall mood really went wild shortly after we started seeing each other. I am having a lot of trouble determining if I am not feeling as attracted to him anymore for valid reasons, or if it is my brain trying to find reasons so I can push him away. I realize I began to pull away like this as soon as I started to be vulnerable with him. The thing is - I can't realize if it is my brain making me disinterested or if it is actual reasons. When I was talking to my mom about it earlier, she agreed that there are some flags (nothing dangerous, more just lifestyle differences), but she also pointed out that I do have the tendency to 'drop' people or grow disinterested in them suddenly (she doesn't know about the BPD). I just don't know if I am only seeing the negatives to convince myself to break it off, or if I should talk with him and try to work things out and just work on communicating better with him to see if he changes. I just really don't know what is happening in my head.",8.231517857142856,5.925251258928572,9.00225,70.41775000000003,63.19642857142857,12.174285714285714,36.68571428571428,10.793553405168565,3.7525567857142854,878,32,173,18,10,301,124,224,0.039,0.9159999999999999,0.046,0.5344,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,1,4,14,7,1,0,7,0,21,3,3,4,0,43,34,21,0,8,18,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,15,11,0,0,10,0,0,4,6,2,0,0,4,4,30,4,35,28,5,31,0,0,3,0,15,13,0,14,12,140,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.1180286361259318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672275624248204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994876497302613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272708627325222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696943410285556,0.0,0.0,0.3046616995934184,0.27003784640150225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794785213334356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636581160289512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06115537557168797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054506297860026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975838274058175,0.10695467369648402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412841974115413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994109840965363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059089501554826125,0.12122252786201353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282639198326296,0.0,0.0,0.08073430039373165,0.0,0.1215093822280244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416538380570463,0.09654022273708897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605368909699383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198705495903073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385070769312641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433576280505565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496586812671942,0.3730667031311921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28914173618533123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712164452347681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944282175748613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607060909058032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463490012804507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121208010113032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641566224310879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kalynjustine,2020/02/09,"Abusive school shows up at my church. Am I overreacting? About a year ago, I got kicked out of a school because my professor sexually assaulted me. He assaulted me for about three weeks straight, and when it came to the attention of the administration, they expelled me for sexual misconduct due to them not believe that it wasn’t consensual. I already have ptsd from the situation, and my bpd does not like anything to do with the school or the professor or anything (I might add that he is still teaching there). I live about 5 mins from this school, and today they showed up at my church to promote the school. I now feel like my church has been violated and don’t feel safe in the building. Am I overreacting, or is this a valid reaction to them infiltrating my school? I feel like I shouldn’t be panicking as much as I am.",5.307261219792864,6.551867999999999,5.844729574223247,78.74198504027622,68.36708860759494,10.049252013808976,31.45224395857307,10.230975488527342,3.134448101265823,656,27,130,17,11,212,89,158,0.159,0.7959999999999999,0.045,-0.9558,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,4,1,7,7,3,0,10,0,14,0,0,0,0,20,19,10,0,1,5,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,4,2,0,1,5,3,0,1,4,3,23,4,23,12,1,17,3,0,0,0,6,7,0,4,12,91,29,11,0.0,0.14916843908524935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160090300015824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893147686245305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20720650923545175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674619879010114,0.0,0.0,0.14184383454122892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856401326450406,0.0,0.0,0.14399367207378128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017411145645653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909733017892153,0.17988298739181954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069206145185912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18452208178782425,0.0,0.11117016310916987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13355778945809266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254945153295148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14716792222175915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7644924516402929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151452833024228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005422353841388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933649999487933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098771119441866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107412778987337 bpd,likeaprincess96,2020/02/09,"Favorite person ghosted me again a few weeks ago. And it hasn’t gotten any easier. I’m suicidal and I feel like shit. I miss him. When he’s done this before people say it’s because hes mentally ill (bipolar 1, PTSD) but when I look on his Facebook he makes very subtle jabs directed at me. And he hasn’t ghosted his other friends. I often wonder what I did this time",-0.12703349282296728,2.19836715789474,2.3203349282296664,90.73279904306223,94.52631578947368,4.868899521531102,20.06698564593301,6.574015621080383,0.5096736842105263,288,10,58,4,11,98,57,76,0.111,0.7559999999999999,0.132,0.3716,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,1,0,5,3,1,1,0,8,12,6,3,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,3,11,2,2,9,1,8,0,1,1,0,10,2,1,2,7,33,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252182930638457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727767479979768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487910425438628,0.0,0.21619540188420555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600024766804972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846574980871125,0.181508116343617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19629434660591194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412608134775333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213355348699596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959412542900024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560434475782356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614059165022045,0.22184468332889884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969949825270716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20204717097964084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607998613867968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27791204338057945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815063366135608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20963488684794235,0.0,0.0,0.2038001425095937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755287717014779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,turdica00,2020/02/09,"Just tired dude. CW: suicide I’m tired of being a burden. I’m tired of telling my Ma I’m having a hard time today controlling my emotions and her going to my boyfriend and saying “sorry you’re having a rough day”. Why is me being a burden such a joke to them when it put me in the psych ward just over a year ago? I tried to kill myself while they were in the hallway making sarcastic jokes about my mood. If I didn’t open the door because part of me was unsure about dying, I’d be dead. No one was coming to help me. Days like this, sometimes I really want to know how long it would have been before someone stopped blowing me off and broke the lock. I didn’t try for their attention, but I still wonder. And today it was just little things, one after the other, that just gave me no breathing room. And I really needed breathing room. So I’ve tried to just not interact, including with my boyfriend, but nah... sorry he’s having a bad day. I’m the worst because I have bullshit emotions that I can’t always get a hold of. Because I know when I need time to calm the fuck down because I don’t want him to have a bad day. Fuck you, you’re the biggest reason I have this and my therapist is waiting for me to admit it. I love you, but you fucking need to stay in your lane and go get a real therapist because I can’t fucking help you grow up anymore. If this isn’t allowed, I’m sorry. I never post here because I’m honestly scared of this community.",2.5385409745293472,3.9334709534883743,4.041449335548172,88.42547411406423,75.34551495016612,6.478460686600221,24.16957364341085,6.996647511020387,0.8516676633444074,1131,35,238,11,24,376,155,301,0.212,0.6990000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.9885,1,0,0,0,0,3,32.0,0,5,3,1,14,19,5,1,18,0,24,10,2,5,1,42,52,17,4,8,11,1,2,1,0,1,3,1,3,0,12,10,0,4,6,2,0,5,10,12,0,2,8,3,39,6,28,40,2,37,0,1,0,5,20,12,4,3,19,154,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987403380515168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497588097814037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936150085279951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504704372701971,0.32956875679950753,0.0,0.07667405077846888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761882780025348,0.0,0.0,0.10106217538878977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232445122275947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351638924103624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20271551687976166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332082722572185,0.09415392317054552,0.0,0.10241927562783427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071778416549262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079306329478755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968956458757057,0.0,0.09904042407554857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044021516559762185,0.09031045071081688,0.0,0.0797414751873586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132469357119343,0.0,0.06014683231717322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004386302694309,0.06949573838853562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211708183679773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097576629870455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629718221895886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058198616429504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025609986443585,0.11544914664085758,0.09264455680308192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165635768533307,0.09021239151838742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634700074054833,0.0,0.08911769753099923,0.30260076962197946,0.0,0.09604161001362664,0.07195921979149966,0.07533312365952853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856195802685723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875711006018637,0.0,0.0,0.20924133556295035,0.0598627984321409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508372619596427,0.3106927263038381,0.17082097686550007,0.0,0.0,0.1835293301515843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629437410243676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130716039623985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771672685103326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400911901459269,0.0,0.0,0.05802567407364394 bpd,h1ya,2020/02/09,"I just want to feel whole again. But I don't know if I ever will. I was sexually assaulted when I was 13 by 3 bullies from my class. My whole class learned about it and I became a laughing stock. I avoided all physical contact for well over 4 years after that. My family eventually learned about what happened and... well, they didn't exactly give the right kinda support. Since I'm a male and we don't get to feel bad about stuff like this. But then after that, I tried to open up again. I had my first hug with a close female friend when I was 17. It was nice. Due to my 4 year avoidance, I've lost a sense of understanding boundaries with people. A lot of people tell me I'm unintentionally touchy-feely. Some of them understood I meant no ill so that was relieving. I was diagnosed with BPD 2 months ago. It still hurts that I don't have the confidence to actually ask someone out or try to be in a relationship. And I'm not even a sexually active person. I'm just someone who wants the platonic aspect of it. Just someone to hug and hold. But it's just. So. Difficult. I do hope that one day I could be more sexually open, but until then, it makes me so jealous and bitter that there are people around me who see boundaries so much better and they get to have intimate romantic relationships or hook up. I lost a lot of my teenage years to depression and a lot of my childhood to other factors. I couldn't ever ask to date as I was obese as a teen. I am slim now but my insecurities about my appearance affect me now in the form of ED's. I couldn't ask to date anyone because I didn't want them to see what a defunct broken piece of garbage I believe I am. My dignity was robbed of me all those years ago and I still feel very incomplete. I just want to feel safe and comfortable in my own body. I just wanna feel whole again. But I dunno if I ever will.",2.159949050486336,4.013410396325465,3.92517600741084,86.87992704956001,77.58267716535433,7.3169986104678095,23.80430754979157,8.219915518859313,1.3175211672070404,1455,48,313,27,34,489,185,381,0.121,0.7609999999999999,0.11800000000000001,-0.6583,0,2,0,0,0,0,39.0,1,0,4,4,31,26,3,3,15,0,27,6,1,2,6,76,59,31,0,11,17,0,5,1,1,2,3,0,0,2,20,19,1,4,11,0,0,1,9,12,2,2,15,8,49,14,47,37,14,43,0,4,2,2,18,12,0,13,31,224,69,5,0.0,0.0,0.0915906905643077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639676727529032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562685165917567,0.0,0.0,0.08355244420209762,0.2632302940124107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836650141314534,0.057214229616589764,0.0,0.0,0.10574446483447446,0.0,0.0830087058559273,0.0,0.10425373806997232,0.1182093446563435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493701168767576,0.0,0.0,0.0605298666428634,0.0,0.08083871792944479,0.09526266881051686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06199152632226295,0.2546965269056733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847983101473647,0.0,0.2372840720769735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798345398316553,0.0,0.0,0.07251352513443425,0.0,0.0980726006657144,0.09003598777747647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299725172193954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322097255141644,0.0,0.0,0.10047563766167056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05158123864116836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045853687970543185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049115525514643,0.23938106613215498,0.0,0.0,0.06265013786483559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491559640058709,0.0,0.06899554185579686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359979169295639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19520544693217928,0.08195213106573604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015341406386026,0.0,0.08015318804842936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958342403121788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763930872110936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385736673581909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990831160683604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744357247649876,0.0,0.10650757597964164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203497363065455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274452024960558,0.0,0.0,0.0977082311254319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744168336656883,0.22143667206469603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16877705657501454,0.0,0.0,0.31436327132769265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417627888526956 bpd,bpdisaster_jc,2020/02/09,"How to distract yourself hi, first-time poster here and new to Reddit altogether. my (only) friend said some stuff that hurt me yesterday, and I can't stop thinking about it and crying and spiraling. I would really appreciate some tips or advice on how to distract myself. I was up almost all last night continually dwelling on it, and I just haven't been able to get my mind to focus on something else. I'm used to cycling through emotions rapidly, but I'm in a depressive episode at the moment, so instead of cycling, I'm stuck on this. How do you guys distract yourself when something upsets you? How do you get your mind off something that has been dominating your thoughts for way too long?",6.7120801526717555,7.303158328244276,6.559608778625956,77.19910782442751,64.95419847328245,8.992748091603053,35.45896946564885,8.841846274778883,3.023587022900763,555,25,100,8,8,175,90,131,0.166,0.7859999999999999,0.048,-0.943,0,0,3,0,0,0,16.0,0,5,0,0,11,8,0,5,2,0,9,0,0,5,1,23,19,13,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,6,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,6,1,13,1,18,12,3,18,0,2,0,0,9,8,0,4,9,68,19,0,0.1798793116042042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577598145471046,0.0,0.0,0.18012314705888333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975889773154603,0.0,0.0,0.15492978750496378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026608323618815,0.2023400144612932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300525055914715,0.0,0.0,0.138974309935483,0.0,0.18795903213680096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810879907324612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19256452342471325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662564712933138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918753029789245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632536537852183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372856004627846,0.0,0.16880454858179755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680632214721622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523529308666974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110641728347825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154396465428803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503871589635099,0.0,0.0,0.20591877603856573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525939966771145,0.0,0.14280408069965375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535797083944494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277982485864693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778110197404788,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,flappy_clip,2020/02/09,"Trial separation My wife has said she wants a trial separation. We had many arguments over the past few months, maybe longer. I know it's not easy to live with me. I am emotional and codependent, but this isn't any different to have I've always been. Infact I am getting better. I'm trying to so hard. I feel like I'm actually handling things very well. She has been more distant then ever before. We have only been married aside August. She got her friends and family involved and they are sure to tell me how unacceptable my behavior is. Her father told me to ""do better"". I'm constantly being told about ""what I've put her through"". Like I said at beginning I know it's hard to live with me. It's not easy being me either. Everything seems to be being blamed on me. Luckily my mum and I are getting on better than before. I have support from my mum and my sister, but I am feeling like I don't know how to get through this. I know I have to, but it's hard. Before my wife I had no self worth at all. It's possibly why I didn't stick up for myself for so long. I was terrified about losing her. It's like I might anyway.",1.0512987012987018,3.2947261991342,3.2361108225108235,88.31873766233767,83.54545454545453,6.466562770562772,20.495411255411245,7.699297019823105,0.8653392554112549,876,26,184,16,25,298,121,231,0.133,0.688,0.179,0.9131,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,2,0,1,4,9,12,0,0,2,0,27,0,0,2,3,30,48,13,0,1,6,6,5,4,1,1,0,2,0,1,10,9,0,0,8,0,1,1,6,1,1,0,12,7,39,11,25,31,4,15,0,1,0,0,24,6,0,2,12,126,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.114418717406489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097561078001269,0.0,0.0,0.07973376347855947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993123769036771,0.0,0.0,0.3110932868533997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670518746454454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250089946143684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189004314694294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605899557726056,0.0,0.0,0.10537639976626653,0.0,0.11053250847520296,0.0,0.11856986346870615,0.16752630646978356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058676694526877,0.0,0.18377426425796656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377523350285184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150978928552449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577493031747237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291289707991978,0.0,0.20706712830776092,0.10376222565438546,0.0,0.13117233549210874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887271343998465,0.11779300450910485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438331991589308,0.0,0.0,0.09358752948673273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917362084217184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192803107051263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321813314896685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178682544625413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230624804324484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673965209047016,0.1223169267200976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305348133725894,0.11050638094550183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248133743138776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789543878670938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22407407648642846,0.0,0.07960479672860732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674321735112264,0.06915686476513284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542149110338224,0.0,0.10579954665410313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Leebutnotreally,2020/02/09,"It's my birthday today and Im having an emotional breakdown Hi all, so as the title says– its my 24th birthday today and here I am feeling extremely depressed, have been crying since last night.. I have been going through alot for the past month ( post abortion depression, family problems and relationship ) and in all honesty, I feel so emotionally burnt out. Im sick of people and how im being treated. My family being so passive aggressive towards me hurts me so much and i try my hardest to ignore it. Im starting to hate them because I know deep down they are one of the main reason why I chose to terminate my pregnancy even though I didn't want to.. My current boyfriend who (somehow) cares constantly makes me feel so alone. I dont understand anymore. Ive been feeling depressed and miserable for the past 6 years and to be very honest all I want is to disappear. I keep praying to God that my life should be given to somehow who deserves MORE to live than me who's always constantly miserable. Im tired of being me. Im tired of my BPD. Having the constant uncontrollable anxiety and fear of being abandoned and neglected. Im tired of living.. Every day reminds me of how much life sucks for me. And today is such a reminder of how alone I am. How people dont really care because they have their own lives to think about. I feel shit for feeling so desperate to be happy on this day. Now here I am in my bedroom crying, could barely breathe and feeling so hopeless about everything.",4.790476190476191,6.214510944444449,5.737738095238098,78.35250000000002,69.7638888888889,8.541269841269841,32.11706349206349,8.976282227363876,2.8872646825396826,1184,53,211,22,21,390,155,288,0.265,0.65,0.084,-0.9957,1,2,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,4,0,21,22,4,4,8,0,27,8,2,6,3,44,48,25,0,5,0,0,7,0,0,1,6,0,1,0,8,13,0,4,11,0,0,2,3,17,0,1,5,7,34,5,34,34,9,27,1,9,0,0,9,7,2,3,17,150,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332580343918958,0.0,0.0,0.06159097532239195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056625470394064216,0.0,0.07340843377887568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024440438825028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322621289428247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093764058500606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399695524350286,0.0,0.059099336229013574,0.0,0.1626160597398623,0.09547418185110952,0.0,0.19126121246253386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350292033080753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16652617127963498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04888983394131919,0.0,0.06236545326178228,0.0,0.06652484136637166,0.0,0.13955985606739105,0.08329362744557935,0.2619888781031014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04206754889329252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879618543198512,0.0,0.07307990697424148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924046288021634,0.0,0.5596837999445635,0.0,0.0,0.0657928103951497,0.0,0.0,0.04067972416979557,0.06033657675881314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456571884422594,0.0,0.0,0.19608433994829352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04940925023671454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908244698798847,0.0,0.1088271505523438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946321330645966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05015819804802032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413218619715989,0.10263297207581816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089116594694649,0.0,0.0,0.07082760992678942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047419419745273896,0.07610538932481759,0.0,0.07947030226443434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598096679566495,0.06123051223100277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052392082088954406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04742933962358912,0.07272475322268566,0.0,0.0,0.2552269848513756,0.21048830170606533,0.0,0.0,0.05025505223293975,0.0,0.0,0.07705793804123298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107465430429431,0.0873184027562281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679197688865599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04766676714311554 bpd,nevillethrowaway22,2020/02/09,"DAE not have a full on fear of abandonment, but a fear of being hated? my weird bpd behaviours in almost all of my relationships are due to me being terrified of being hated or seen as a bad person, probably because deep down that's how i see myself - as an awful person that i hate. with some people i straight up don't care because i'll just split on them, so if i see certain friends acting negatively towards me then i'll just avoid them and be an asshole. but with people like my parents, one offhand comment about me not doing the dishes can send me spiraling and i'll be miserable for the rest of the day and scared to talk to either of them. obviously this is a form of abandonment issue because people who hate you don't usually stick around, but do most people with bpd have a fear of abandonment specifically or is it other things that could lead to abandonment eventually (like being a bad person etc.)?",12.693164794007494,7.2828347584269695,12.155280898876406,60.75479400749067,58.15730337078652,15.2374531835206,44.273408239700366,12.161744961471696,5.1854352059925075,729,26,132,15,6,244,105,178,0.358,0.5870000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.9976,1,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,3,1,6,22,4,6,11,1,17,1,0,2,3,32,25,14,0,2,11,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,8,7,1,5,0,0,0,3,5,17,0,1,1,3,16,5,26,17,8,17,0,5,3,0,14,10,0,6,6,104,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830293801390412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517213039890867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972885888435246,0.21605624378938326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975934152325942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045444772002688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943274040656122,0.0,0.0,0.07619232553141707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317604399510561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988304515825965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127682611745544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4665661818957917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331037779875435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543719867354325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005661173832075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118358650568154,0.0,0.0,0.3276213387553297,0.3094731804876748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737790910981414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684114223999554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828154248600255,0.0,0.1882890144981724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495869904701806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848881973868384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011759156893202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,doxiemama714,2020/02/09,Love and support needed please Feel very down today . Just lost my last friend please can somebody chat,3.5500000000000007,6.7072873333333325,1.1722222222222245,97.345,92.33333333333334,2.4000000000000004,17.11111111111111,3.1291,-0.9740222222222216,84,2,14,0,3,22,17,18,0.079,0.414,0.507,0.9081,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,3,1,5,0,3,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744581655531722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22529569370511346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376995208704367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31832468697864624,0.0,0.2631876942341781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216223710247316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6401962482497638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309134147139771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27641038074557056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406072211138132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DaveedBowie,2020/02/09,"DAE run out of people to vent/talk to? Title. I've been having a rough go at things recently, and I feel like I've exhausted all of my resources. I'm looking through my text conversations and I don't feel like I can text anyone and ask to talk because I've already done it too many times. What do you do if you run out of people to reach out to? I feel like this happens far too often. I'm currently sitting in bed alone because literally can't reach out without feeling like a burden to my friends and family. My support system is exhausted and I don't know what to do about it. Does anyone else feel this way sometimes?",3.785173611111112,4.719517656250002,5.0754166666666665,84.00569444444444,71.65625,7.876388888888887,29.065972222222207,8.167268648758528,1.9061586805555564,492,19,101,7,9,164,72,128,0.065,0.772,0.163,0.8904,1,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,0,4,9,0,0,2,0,11,2,0,0,1,19,24,6,0,1,2,0,6,4,1,0,2,0,1,0,7,9,0,0,6,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,2,7,11,6,19,22,1,16,0,0,1,0,6,7,0,2,7,60,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747204197961898,0.16778466730018746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126258213432277,0.15578735444106467,0.0,0.0,0.14214089723892948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18536958969060235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305499267179485,0.15559410887876185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701350383343032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333383566471886,0.0,0.38439083577444505,0.43448191690038795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746905001838642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641028028829545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134452273501228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355957168978427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.297124662233882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767891975207954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541490572164877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108167487102225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012540476771594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037570174355694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725380713031754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24441490009043784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010114777643914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886582547930463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206856892883521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656528073491798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lion487,2020/02/09,"My GF just broke up with me and I feel so much pain, I really want to die.. I just don’t know what to do, I’m about to explode..",-4.048064516129031,-2.7437203225806432,-0.23006451612902976,107.75490322580644,107.06451612903228,3.7703225806451615,9.425806451612903,5.6839178017228535,-1.8548116129032253,94,1,29,1,5,34,24,31,0.20600000000000002,0.743,0.051,-0.6990000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,6,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,6,6,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5147083375605865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25076261178842385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725561393085295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645736126760467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5277160659176118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31771242892592744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925187821639105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,brokencello,2020/02/09,"Deeeeeeeeeeeecompensation Having a cute decompensation moment this weekend. I haven't been this bad in a while. I know all of the right things to do and know that I'll be okay but stuff's been piling on the past few days and it's kicking.my.ass. For me decompensation looks like a loose feel to reality, irritability/depression/anxiety rollercoaster and feeling really fixated on a new person. Context: I'm switching therapists and I'm really proud of how I've been handling the process and have been proactive...selected my new T. Have been super transparent with my old one and new one. I've been in a really healthy place dealing with the dysregulation piece. but. Seeing this new therapist has been great so they're becoming the most important thing in my world right now. This isn't super weird for me but the intensity of it right now is really...awful? It's never been this bad for me before. I'm thinking that it's a confluence of things all creating a kind of perfect storm or dysregulation, triggers, behaviors, wanting to do more and light dissociative moments. Idk guys. It's just a lot. This is a new level for me. Not sure why I write all of this here. I guess it's a coping tool for me and I'm hoping to keep the negative parts at bay Skills skills skills right? 🤓",3.5579320987654333,6.151426897119343,4.723359053497943,79.2321990740741,76.32510288065843,8.494444444444445,25.76286008230453,9.188382445141503,2.4393403292181075,1028,38,190,27,24,337,131,243,0.079,0.7290000000000001,0.193,0.9840000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,7,6,14,0,0,17,1,19,0,0,2,6,36,34,15,0,2,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,19,10,0,1,5,1,0,0,5,3,0,2,8,5,12,11,23,25,9,28,0,0,2,0,4,13,0,5,16,123,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872429339295119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19044304921341665,0.0,0.12595204044684194,0.09704258385037676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354859642882268,0.11757379852364905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153275989134175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573331607728075,0.12563172738282105,0.11292095422613507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132708870703394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013670662759323,0.0,0.11875871299359166,0.12535060506581755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05571587347477272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576778292073154,0.0,0.0,0.09695567054819644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795734608177419,0.5507194164138559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966942597061254,0.0,0.15455759847552702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234979525654572,0.1088673858334626,0.0,0.09957834947496044,0.11915114166720928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21917748011748364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38956996320774256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087787150949077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055247581446092,0.0,0.0,0.10748461039106927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648264914292808,0.2272962199357497,0.07307444360824103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726578684007425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029064833575198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Outbakjak,2020/02/09,"Struggling to find treatment (due to difficult job situation) Advice please :( Hi all. I've been dealing with BPD and letting it destroy my life for.. well, most of my life. After self destructing my 4th very important relationship (with another, more experienced and well-coping BPD sufferer), after being dumped a few weeks ago and wanting to give up on life so badly yet again, I've finally come to terms with the selfish nature of my thought processes and just how much work it will take on my part to get better. I feel more committed than ever to undertake this process, and I have been searching diligently for therapists that practice DBT for weeks and am feeling very, very defeated. Background on where I'm at: I have read ""Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder,"" I have been practicing the skills intermittently for the past year and a lot more often since the breakup. I loved the book, it has already been helpful in many ways, but I know it's not likely going to be enough to stop me from losing control the next time I feel particularly hurt or attacked. The skills I learned from the book have helped me, for example, to not lose my shit and make a scene or start a fight when my ex came to remove all her belongings from my home. But I need guidance on mastering these skills. They aren't helping me much to cope with the pain of loss for longer than 5-15 minutes at a time, I meditate and then I'll start missing her again and get depressed again. I feel like hell and while I'm not currently feeling suicidal, it sure sucks to be alive and in this body. I want, I *need* to get better for my future relationships' sake, and I want to feel better, because this is torture. Here is the big problem: I have to travel all over the state Monday through Friday for work. Which means, if I want in-person treatment which I really would prefer, I have to find a therapist that works on weekends and knows DBT. I have been tearing the internet apart trying to find someone like this, and it doesn't seem there's a lot of DBT practicing counselors or psychologists out there, I found one in Orlando that lists DBT as a skill and is open on Saturdays and I was talking with them about being seen but when I mentioned having BPD, they stopped responding. That was the only in-person option I've found so far, without having to request time off for treatment. I'm very frustrated. I want help, I'm willing to pay out of pocket, I'm willing to put in the work, but it's kicking my butt trying to find the help. If anyone could help give me some advice on what to do to find help, it would mean the world to me 😭 I am seeking recommendations for a counselor in the central Florida area (between Jacksonville and Orlando-ish areas) who can see me on a weekend, or a counselor available through online sessions. They obviously need to have experience treating BPD. I know that thanks to law my employer has to provide me with reasonable accommodation to seek treatment (maybe miss work for a Monday or two each month) if I petition them for it, but I have to get a formal diagnosis of something on the list of ""good enough"" reasons to miss work for treatment, and because it's a feast or famine industry I work in (it's currently ""feast"" time), if I make myself look too high maintenance by needing to miss work regularly, my job will be first on the chopping block when the inevitable time of famine arrives, so I'm trying to avoid having to go through all of that. I have BCBS insurance, not that it matters much because all the DBT-practicing people I've found so far don't seem to even take insurance. Any general encouragement and even advice on other self help options or online communities or support groups or anything would be much appreciated, too. Thank you guys in advance, please excuse my desperation and long whiney post.",8.00322186682175,7.4975764143646435,7.764006978772901,73.33331927886012,62.480662983425404,10.93596975865077,37.00843268391975,10.307518312809881,3.731843093922652,3060,130,556,60,38,977,336,724,0.13,0.742,0.127,-0.6451,5,1,1,0,1,0,88.0,0,1,5,23,25,43,10,2,35,0,47,8,3,6,9,125,107,50,1,19,24,1,6,3,0,7,4,0,1,4,29,33,0,5,26,6,1,8,8,28,1,3,13,10,59,15,103,79,22,87,1,11,3,2,37,35,4,22,44,366,88,17,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566892828698247,0.047379328768246964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05898231951147319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036347164502237336,0.05604595478024816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0373727955380392,0.0,0.0439839869574055,0.0,0.0,0.06080597315097892,0.0,0.0,0.04462769674759267,0.09774607426386912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418139365244285,0.0,0.05936980882764336,0.2692686640810051,0.0,0.0,0.06113143663112791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04604159556940976,0.0,0.0,0.059947617588218975,0.042674691002697066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551035897361206,0.046035560145783035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125720425173346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045424506352323,0.0,0.07060514346672862,0.048347696019959634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052283394828285465,0.0,0.0,0.16215257418510404,0.03818398852668494,0.0,0.058550785713002776,0.2442571667912512,0.0454637066775203,0.0,0.1758122655323117,0.0,0.0,0.1116996217218673,0.10254633514184612,0.0607526163510711,0.044830499708231886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05292293021422307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866059962730105,0.056471821166410786,0.053613722161059724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05721827831060838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607980439187048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812254602795641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05465524131057505,0.11325786445030064,0.07833746988601235,0.0,0.0,0.04730069822920591,0.04488371292129676,0.1195915569081697,0.0,0.09088088604033093,0.04823982476064702,0.0,0.07135526796294522,0.054188914228189916,0.05369672175648031,0.11644329757037734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0539682707125287,0.0,0.04266249555029431,0.0,0.1571647100917966,0.15852707584643447,0.0,0.0,0.05684363609761904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036218437287634436,0.04065038604232103,0.05687352267621624,0.0,0.0,0.05788007699733396,0.05102313474548858,0.03705481862818106,0.1400088604341018,0.0,0.11734194076913552,0.0,0.0,0.05118938375016258,0.0,0.0,0.05114349095855738,0.0,0.05373102494645924,0.0,0.0,0.05346348120626774,0.0,0.03424080902220535,0.10990898308878552,0.0,0.11476848335094332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04259194659551298,0.09731595560485876,0.11151796335561158,0.0,0.05486464801442843,0.04421357930771671,0.060078934694932015,0.0,0.0,0.04528717877677449,0.041147664679513536,0.0,0.0,0.07566297886900605,0.0,0.0,0.08937154324046673,0.0,0.0558765177438218,0.0,0.058464549628084964,0.06065331125453718,0.05037506611428332,0.0,0.08037401815878488,0.04296029536687855,0.0,0.09841734776697476,0.0,0.12411685697166705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042432549298510716,0.15583275860890342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886512246370628,0.0,0.052211923302911294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640414710801938,0.1576280756365646,0.04242534196126758,0.08574715511444117,0.0,0.09611417076120216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051522945193371916,0.0,0.3112921684394801,0.0,0.0,0.11390594475382435,0.0,0.0,0.03441941464532623 bpd,ColorfulPlants,2020/02/09,"TW: suicidal ideation- (Most) People ignore others, treat them like shit, and use them and then turn around and get surprised when someone wants to k***/k***s themselves /// vent I’m actually shocked that human beings are “social creatures.” We’re fucking toxic and manipulative, and most people only pretend to be nice to feel good about themselves. It’s never about being empathetic or a good person and it’s always about FEELING AS IF you ARE an empathetic/good person. And people who are genuinely nice get fucking used. Everyone comes to them with their problems, wants to talk because they make other people feel good about themselves and actually genuinely wants to make peoples lives a little bit better with a smile or a joke or just being a decent, caring person. But other tub that? Nobody cares about one another. And when that rare, kind person asks for help from the bountiful amount of people who come crying or asking for favors or wanting emotional energy???? THEY IGNORE YOU OR MAKE YOU FEEL BAD FOR STRUGGLING FOR ONCE. You can be the rock, but you can’t be allowed to struggle or have feelings. You must be PERFECT. We treat each other like shit and I’m sick of it and I’m just sick of living in this world. I moved away and everyone forgot about me, and I can’t make new connections because I’m struggling. My family is slowly cutting me out as well. The literal only person I have left is my boyfriend and I don’t want to put that sort of pressure on him, but when he goes to work I’m all alone and I don’t have anyone to turn to and I just get lost in my own head. I’m just sick of humanity and their fake-niceness and I hate that my friends only text me to vent or when they need help, but won’t let me do the same or ignore me when I try to bring up a normal, happy conversation topic. I’m being fucking used and the only time they showed support was the last time I tried to fucking kill myself. Well, here I am again. Alone, abandoned, and scared to turn to anyone for help. TLDR; all my friends abandoned me and still use me for help. I have a hard time making new friends. I feel like shit talking to my boyfriend because he (and my therapist) are the only two people I have left and I don’t want to put that pressure on him. I’m close to a mental break/thinking about suicide again",3.472297435897435,5.520226462222222,4.22377777777778,85.33146153846157,74.37777777777778,6.3931623931623935,24.871794871794872,7.2200825789825185,1.1438307692307692,1828,60,344,20,39,584,200,450,0.19399999999999998,0.64,0.166,-0.9759,2,2,0,0,0,2,59.0,1,6,9,4,23,50,10,6,16,0,31,11,4,11,5,91,82,45,3,11,18,0,7,3,3,2,3,0,0,7,16,32,0,6,6,4,0,6,7,25,2,2,3,7,47,25,50,68,9,35,0,3,0,4,42,13,7,13,19,223,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.11930706466458214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662336424620266,0.0,0.0,0.05086460548448528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409956599514889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548627580372688,0.0,0.0,0.05441817722896487,0.1142955814829434,0.0,0.057433137428347825,0.0,0.05104054349863538,0.1117918494315971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05406403738337867,0.06673753502316503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246511116430427,0.0,0.0,0.105315229450366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714783846832867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876241170596471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682363226484972,0.0,0.0,0.05762741199649921,0.0,0.1854533421906196,0.04367089653697594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416854013050012,0.2260527931305244,0.095812855302413,0.0,0.0,0.20508995419280746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507344403463519,0.05475998672635336,0.06035268345127606,0.06273645907832588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389514680176076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676306874626158,0.0636569229638688,0.0,0.0498286665709876,0.0,0.0,0.13283466852164671,0.06250901177621941,0.0,0.08959429526252073,0.06126777553798994,0.10795686154721004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673002381615536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20402193725782794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06160411519555153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497093896236981,0.0,0.045326718048068856,0.04714680601107542,0.11807842163885808,0.0,0.0,0.05989388917915145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510087701600019,0.04142290233546105,0.2324585345244518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966562816149411,0.2668794213751211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05849263495954728,0.0,0.12290397738950985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061201250916045113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18824552851265916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06231378354266896,0.05179479083045268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04881806359478645,0.0,0.0,0.1917173443155332,0.0,0.13373140923215426,0.0693689837710585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826708453223812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097601152268747,0.0,0.039169287963304086,0.0,0.0,0.10693523449272516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300577777995831,0.19947388745666986,0.05971459736230755,0.0,0.0,0.2111848964942868,0.0,0.0,0.2163344264877821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992544700028764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04450297299086156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Grizzlymemme,2020/02/09,"Always internally shifting- my life goals, perspective on self, etc I haven’t even been diagnosed with bpd but I’m starting to suspect I have it. I’m honestly super scared to go get an evaluation because a part of me feels like the answer will be yes, and that’s scary to admit to myself. There’s another part of me that feels like the mental health/ illness system is fake and a way to keep people as victims or in control. My heart and soul have been in a lot of pain lately. The amount of difficulty I have day to say just makes me feel like something is wrong with how my consciousness is operating. Lately the most difficult thing is that I feel like I can never get a clear sense on reality. My perception of myself, what I feel like I want in life, my goals, is always changing and I’m constantly plagued with this desire to understand my true self and what path to go down. Sometimes I feel like I should continue with college and other times I feel this dream of moving away and pursuing my spirituality and manifesting my dreams as an artist or musician. I don’t know if I’m just kidding myself and I constantly find it difficult to understand who or what I truly am, my path, or what is true in this world. In some ways, I consider myself a very spiritual person and am very intuitive, know a lot of things about others intuitively without them saying anything, etc, however sometimes I feel borderline crazy. Sometimes I feel super out of my body, am constantly overthinking everything, anxious around people but also super deeply lonely, I always worry I’m bad or people think I’m bad, I feel fear and shame a lot of the time but can also be super impulsive. There is a part of me that thinks all of this is just pushing me towards my real spiritual path, which is to take a leap and manifest my dreams, and that that’s my destiny. Other times I just feel like a borderline crazy person and I switch between the two. I’m not exactly sure what the intention of this post is.. maybe just some advice or words from people who know what it’s like. Again, I have never been diagnosed, I don’t even know if I have bpd, I don’t even believe fully that bpd is a real thing, but I know my soul feels in pain most of the time nowadays, confused, and deeply lonely",5.117662141779789,6.136104144796383,6.0406153846153865,77.9960512820513,68.63800904977376,9.332247360482654,29.212971342383103,9.558583805096642,2.622010618401206,1800,64,339,38,30,595,187,442,0.17600000000000002,0.659,0.165,-0.7882,1,4,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,1,7,17,31,1,4,21,1,32,10,2,4,8,94,70,32,0,5,19,0,12,8,0,2,8,2,0,5,30,21,0,2,27,4,0,4,8,15,0,1,3,14,49,16,46,63,14,37,2,2,0,0,11,14,0,16,23,236,79,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06182460834014038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119054957163227,0.15793175219887368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066341854526517,0.0,0.07147465919551567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052064047720581916,0.0563217978355022,0.0,0.0,0.059442225374213474,0.0,0.10565201992154197,0.03856749260362955,0.0,0.0,0.07128119862328483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027631585462306,0.2390509173818269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692899363529728,0.0,0.0,0.20511020049104012,0.07096027074286708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040802527617542425,0.0,0.0,0.12843106686474726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411207481201163,0.12536344973672425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05686106179651885,0.0,0.0,0.07119391794346222,0.3838814961710533,0.31638994025677597,0.0,0.0,0.05782566641914076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661096780668163,0.0,0.07191315148204906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725076335205933,0.0,0.07497270390750801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05623536983789573,0.0,0.0,0.1738517719377349,0.0,0.14273777546159727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937590348023755,0.24727579603942185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16136418438856082,0.0,0.0,0.042231779487559566,0.0,0.06356105658806127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375910952107504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724370928531655,0.0,0.0,0.09759212865851223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346429009048063,0.0,0.0,0.2055387402996294,0.0,0.17544783715977413,0.11048608816059233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605931090543606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440253230937236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006262634311547,0.06334215251036816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320043262897319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04870667999104614,0.18772055678950209,0.0,0.04478130809665104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962919752230265,0.0,0.04756954753745148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609703980233902,0.08107896406554249,0.0,0.0,0.14756796264969527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06180349382739282,0.1317281210110414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440520026111604,0.03731701566751143,0.10043814493545107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060987947269318575,0.0,0.0,0.06425157022825054,0.0,0.0,0.06917345928557445,0.0,0.0 bpd,whazzat,2020/02/09,"Yesterday I told my boyfriend about my BPD He was so understanding. My disorder doesn't scare him and he wants to make me happy. Can someone link a good reading resource for people in a relationship with someone with BPD? He would like to read something about it.",3.847959183673467,6.6194411428571485,4.125877551020409,82.93697959183675,76.34693877551021,7.185306122448982,30.20816326530613,8.238735603445708,2.454172244897959,212,10,38,4,5,66,39,49,0.054000000000000006,0.731,0.214,0.83,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,8,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,6,3,8,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,23,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5237444139844161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382981967296137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743962586842481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213382946815672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158085642456714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879046465173153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144147885413634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159592759077206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232318872367454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20816756683304175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35234559491577205,0.1600695691639473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19867969129039587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21645556195669605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263859128729193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477027971005344,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lunarbuttons,2020/02/09,"Pushed loved one away Things have been fucking up too much and I pushed many people away and I've been hurting many people, recently broke things off with my so because our relationship was becoming toxic and codependent and I just want to fucking die because all I do is fucking hurt people and manipulate and I can't seem to have a stable relationship despite my attempts to set boundaries. I'm tired of hurting people, my mom told me no one needs to handle my shit and it's true, no one does. God I just want to set myself on fire",5.268857142857144,6.194103314285716,5.768571428571431,80.42142857142859,68.23809523809524,8.285714285714286,30.23809523809524,8.418075326091056,2.19252380952381,428,16,81,6,7,138,66,105,0.24100000000000002,0.648,0.111,-0.95,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,1,6,10,4,0,1,0,8,6,1,1,2,17,18,8,1,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,8,0,3,4,1,12,2,12,14,2,10,0,4,0,4,6,5,4,1,1,54,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24640245925714654,0.0,0.0,0.15987162265695834,0.144823109537515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360925444344777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475300569286395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636835369136728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4211330818777522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183502118001074,0.0,0.0,0.26589107684138746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357821781821873,0.0,0.0,0.09639585559834196,0.09723145293109876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665718467259385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36363694558337983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947534761395754,0.28156972750120457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193760965603724,0.0,0.0,0.1346033644413856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423428388792747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071498519541426,0.0,0.1253006172844194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546880920881733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RebirthParty,2020/02/09,"Freshly diagnosed. What is next? Well, I've had the suspicion that I might have BPD for quite a while now and as it turns out, this is indeed the case. I am not surprised but I do have difficulty getting used to the diagnosis. I have various friends with personality disorders and as a social work student applying for psychology to eventually (when I no longer fit the diagnosis) become a clinical psychologist myself, I am aware that the stigma is bullshit and unnecessary. I am aware of the relation to my childhood and I am aware of the unhealthy thought and behavioural patterns I have developed over the years. I am aware that all that has happened in recent years, including the loss of a partner who died by suicide and abuse, has affected me tremendously. Lately I have been getting a grip on my excessive alcohol and substance use, I have taken a break from dating and sleeping with people (a first timer) and I have been focussing on creating some stability and structure. All of this whilst suicidal. I am trying to choose life for the long term now. (Somehow I can actually see a future for myself again. I can see a 30-something me working in the psychiatric field and in prevention.) Despite the progress I have been making and the breathing space I have given myself, I have been feeling like a hurt (problem) child lately. The diagnosis throws my right back to some horrific memories. I have also been reflecting on how I have been coping and how my mental state has affected my studies, work, relationships, etc. I keep thinking of all the situations I was put in and all the situations I put myself in, oftentimes wasted. I have been feeling very fragile, small, ashamed and out of control, although I am now making some mature choices. I can't shake this feeling. I am now waiting for treatment, which will start in roughly 3 months. I don't really know what to do in the meantime. How to come to terms with the diagnosis? How to stop beating yourself up? How to feel less fragile? How to reflect or engage in self care? (* I have posted this in r/Borderline as well but another user suggested posting this here because it apparantly is more active.)",5.97318027062418,7.7345670303797505,6.6602968136185074,71.57151898734179,67.30379746835443,9.802706241815804,35.64600611086862,10.085429814115964,4.022708424268878,1727,87,283,43,29,567,206,395,0.182,0.73,0.08800000000000001,-0.9938,0,0,2,0,1,1,53.0,0,0,0,9,18,12,0,2,28,0,46,6,2,13,4,62,70,31,3,1,4,0,8,1,2,2,4,0,0,4,15,21,1,5,10,0,0,5,4,5,2,1,12,10,41,7,46,56,13,54,0,2,2,0,9,20,0,6,26,228,56,4,0.0,0.12730069563843446,0.10484747711673667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482236701789494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592098752188537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266185783320586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261593806002375,0.0,0.06549538597774032,0.11866077669091912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531890067078778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954384480342942,0.0,0.0,0.0925514020555657,0.0,0.0,0.12050486063881828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905093548974952,0.11150739047109982,0.0,0.1231373515488871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982575536586294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173027513077982,0.07675628158652084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138974754478583,0.0,0.0,0.08300909317687019,0.0,0.11226757534771148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501022862752848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150184266066316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954990071816942,0.0,0.0,0.05904707896361641,0.0,0.2423975494995376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588916079803093,0.052490525735625564,0.0,0.0,0.09508241157108842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434361692366916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082758355747201,0.11397853064769392,0.0,0.0,0.08575883892678242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426533233062867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448645891914768,0.09381383777808304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057986556654285,0.0,0.0,0.10280707555181964,0.0,0.21601691388737987,0.0,0.114277338677248,0.0,0.0,0.0688298231920418,0.0,0.10608559199745082,0.11535204106803315,0.0,0.091754516730504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123404716710336,0.0,0.1120849933120092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24153766051127365,0.10751916653384183,0.10952315376151907,0.0,0.08271377241173397,0.0,0.0,0.0760476987322284,0.0,0.0,0.08982596637322454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350472859034252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688442220074257,0.0,0.08529660803020304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294577576615786,0.1168655793591542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18559004586053093,0.0,0.08865055034121594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932057556073823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23465623542431904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837770146581618 bpd,Waveform_,2020/02/09,"Suicide is unfortunately exciting DAE feel a rush of excitement when contemplating suicide, when planning it and when visualising the act. Like picking for a holiday. I'm beginning to get quite apathetic towards the world and sometimes I think about suicide to give me a little pep, a little boost. I haven't self harmed for a long time but I'm finding myself thinking about it more. Like an old forgotten pleasure.",5.36895752895753,8.257015972972972,6.232857142857148,69.20500000000004,71.70270270270271,9.093436293436293,36.24710424710425,9.606745405546679,4.278218532818533,338,19,52,9,7,111,54,74,0.168,0.599,0.233,0.66,0,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,8,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,10,6,3,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,5,8,10,1,13,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,9,31,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094499039200833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246916507246227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430470158894957,0.191514791565614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19506998725658706,0.4001874502751309,0.0,0.17667688171876472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20949068858859626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21234383431177672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082701393309612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974510362234816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.655127812447649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25584505625485776,0.0,0.0,0.11641285178177067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PsychyHex,2020/02/09,"Boyfriend told me that if he knew my problems would be like this, he would've never started dating me So here's the thing, I get it. I fully get it. But I warned him. I warn anyone who wants to get close to me, what they're getting into and I don't put on that fake ass happy ass mask in the beginning to ""trap"" people. Funny because my boyfriend did that to me. Acted like the perfect guy then once I got fully attached, showed how insecure, angry, prideful, hateful, judgmental, etc he really is. But I don't want to leave. But he also makes me breakdown a lot but also it's my fault I do that so idk. Anyway, we recently got in a bad argument over literally nothing and he yelled at me for having a meltdown and told me ""if I knew things were going to be like this, that you would have this many problems, I wouldn't have started dating you. But I am dating you and I'm not leaving. You need to realize that I literally saved you from living with your parents for the rest of your life. I saved you from rotting away in your bedroom. If it wasn't for me you wouldn't have a life"" That's extremely bold of him to say when I was more social before I met him and weirdly enough, my problems got the worst they've ever been since dating him. But yeah guys, he saved me. You might think I'm stupid for staying with him, which I wonder that a lot. But he's the best boyfriend I've ever had out of 4 guys. (Possible trigger warning for this small bit) The rest mentally and s\*\*ually abused me and never gave me anything while I gave them everything. So I'm stuck on the basic kindness I get from my current boyfriend. I have hope because he acts this way from his very dysfunctional addict family who at the same time, very much spoiled and abused/neglected him, so I think he will get better as long as I try to help him. He doesn't believe in therapy so that throws a wrench in things. I'm sorry for ranting so much. I know you all probably think I'm a dumbass for staying. Trust me, I'm getting really close to my end and just ending things. But I'd rather him do it bc he's the one who threatens it so much. I don't want to be without him but I feel so crushed. I've tried so hard to be the perfect girlfriend for him even if it's killing me in the process. But I'm still too fucked up I guess",2.1462225865956133,3.8360319579831934,3.4399057183849173,91.07840848534536,77.10924369747899,6.324574707931952,24.214798114367696,7.11905507035037,0.8348486985037917,1796,60,390,20,41,585,216,476,0.179,0.7020000000000001,0.12,-0.9811,3,0,0,0,2,0,55.0,1,12,1,5,22,29,4,1,19,1,29,6,2,3,7,73,73,40,1,17,18,1,2,3,1,6,3,2,1,3,30,16,0,0,9,1,0,5,11,13,0,1,17,4,69,16,47,46,15,47,0,0,0,3,52,18,3,10,24,259,99,0,0.0,0.09748822888090744,0.0,0.08969723770808717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159841515709986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753202029817162,0.0,0.06770934831065448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730467603716422,0.0,0.06870028099797475,0.10031412863565793,0.0,0.07001413605617413,0.09270127308363244,0.08634768045734488,0.07276988655542879,0.08982834223397718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575114168888206,0.08501713315165138,0.09176383998806666,0.054345099003212965,0.14885376321174634,0.0,0.0,0.07394787011483461,0.0,0.07756616849997698,0.0,0.04160319048081768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606644318383525,0.30091496823951586,0.0,0.04676156421747085,0.0,0.19742026115254696,0.0,0.0906405879249356,0.24441011582002325,0.0,0.08758848523634835,0.07370663040934163,0.0812343683643443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05515048365318799,0.0,0.0,0.08172250762380631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103052033315702,0.08568185593872331,0.0452188821112466,0.0,0.0,0.17424507101821365,0.0,0.0,0.11623345560453865,0.120593411402746,0.0,0.07265466054599394,0.07281512371400037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990285995775587,0.0,0.0,0.054922473228517614,0.08341890587603798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291878836829293,0.08728597300718223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18145558475725213,0.06100950446778761,0.12691866501008098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894978468154576,0.0,0.0,0.08762540987310183,0.05575499074130984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136209355129417,0.0,0.0,0.05704252376014338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275822626588692,0.0,0.0,0.0887116502791686,0.23619226104872665,0.0,0.0827140269642094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542122371799922,0.0,0.08124147650369616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654322802217151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680627848563623,0.0,0.0,0.08387399792368566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210561348075484,0.1164762756824312,0.17539885482185422,0.06570883569898697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409423823832172,0.0,0.21865244220581587,0.15816491587564258,0.0,0.0,0.0479780722974404,0.0,0.0,0.15724394400333572,0.0,0.11172530437672644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357790717283963,0.14559245327828155,0.06530995607187534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931488897236984,0.08922904345407882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534784410198448,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,NetherlandsOates,2020/02/09,"My cat was rubbing up against me while I was trying to pluck my eyebrows. As soon as I went to pet her, she attacked my head. Now she's back to trying to get pets, and it's so relatable.",1.830894308943087,2.542046073170732,3.554634146341467,93.91943089430895,76.07317073170732,6.442276422764228,25.861788617886177,6.42735559955562,0.6722617886178863,143,5,35,1,3,48,30,41,0.077,0.9229999999999999,0.0,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,9,0,8,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46777100005107103,0.0,0.3161682476733208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148220028829644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4219842447170557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5583217631058269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3811634082709556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hellixnistic,2020/02/09,"tried to make bpd friends but got kicked for liking gay horror cw for the mangka since it is a triggering one. anyways, i tried joining a bpd server from tumblr. it was honestly a great server. there were helpful links and coping stuff. and everyone was so nice there... until i saw that someone was talking about Killing Stalking (a *horror* comic about a psychopath so obviously the relationship is abusive and irl wouldn't be any where near ok but it's fiction) calling the fans disgusting snuff lovers who fetishize gay men. of course as a gay man i felt like i had to defend myself- which was the worst thing i did. i get an onslaught of abuse and racism then i get kicked saying im dangerous around the minors in the server. for liking a horror comic??? that explicitly has warnings? for understanding fiction isn't real and shipping pictures together doesn't mean i condone murder and abuse. not only did i get ripped to shreds the mod kicks me with a final note with ""youre the reason people bpd get a bad rep"" im honestly so upset lol.",3.2877272727272704,5.888138328282827,4.063929292929291,83.55922727272728,77.33333333333334,6.182222222222222,25.556565656565656,7.365786028017652,1.4747244444444436,831,31,146,11,20,265,126,198,0.251,0.556,0.193,-0.9698,0,0,0,0,2,0,24.0,0,1,0,0,10,17,4,1,18,2,15,4,0,3,2,23,25,14,2,1,3,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,0,2,9,9,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,7,0,1,11,3,12,10,19,12,1,7,0,0,1,4,11,4,0,0,6,92,21,0,0.0,0.45046416292060293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618097190177097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281686435960787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058145341491025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4788372523205505,0.0,0.1294058388334039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109626365990432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168099321732967,0.1388268847779942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791154055937366,0.0,0.2648454726216165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135782397584243,0.13972063903293175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494467054700712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27378101237489594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020833630487434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18574211726162826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845934810537888,0.0,0.0,0.13804648441619885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587575314216174,0.09638412859120736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785885575266597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424686324174074,0.0,0.13029988876771656,0.0,0.1360609496549268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078104702626213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483264067986676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737819951351196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507591080248192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186104084341556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419400174379935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17208315400687374,0.0,0.0,0.1319307455690007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,4d3r411,2020/02/09,"?? My boyfriend just expects me to wind up into trouble every time I make or hang out with a guy friend. It's the first time I'm trying to really make friends again and I know I've made mistakes before but after the last mistake in September or October I've been taking lamictal and actually feeling better, I no longer pick fights for no reason. It's understandable to be hurt from the past but I don't know what to do but let time pass and my actions prove nothing will happen. I swear I feel a lot better and I have sets of rules for myself. We're poly and I'd gotten myself into a relationship last month but it ended abruptly because I wasn't feeling it and I still feel like he thinks it's a mistake. I feel like everything I do is wrong. I'm still young and I'm still figuring out how I feel about people for real and making new rules for myself every time a situation happens. I feel like he expects me to know everything because he feels like I'm mature for my age but I feel 15!!! Even 9!!! Sometimes. I've explained a couple things successfully like my past and old habits and why. I just want to move on and be with him for the rest of my life and build everything for him. The comment he made last night kinda hurt though and made me feel like we will never move on but I don't want to spiral and make a harsh/unplanned/old me decision",2.7345911159943483,4.391591584837549,4.144501648092923,86.799317218647,75.38989169675091,6.839051954167321,23.95683566159159,7.586124646067393,1.0646984460838174,1067,33,220,14,23,353,136,277,0.111,0.723,0.16699999999999998,0.9237,0,0,0,0,1,0,21.0,1,0,0,4,10,19,1,0,12,0,13,1,0,10,2,71,46,24,0,7,10,0,10,6,2,2,1,0,0,1,7,21,0,0,20,0,0,5,6,8,0,1,6,10,31,11,29,35,2,38,0,2,0,0,14,8,0,4,30,129,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0809287243684777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011079748404075,0.0,0.07056820014408426,0.0,0.0,0.14669151711836226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917616096271574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734522791917162,0.0,0.0,0.05477516455008255,0.0,0.13974594263317847,0.0,0.2235991926389936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4193242162021804,0.2962297294549411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054109352504499,0.0,0.0,0.1281446193370704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821147601611387,0.1466712755753263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17755877013197485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367301791980109,0.2027995794168267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480259905489654,0.05857664052269838,0.2430954796071192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050499783577702,0.0,0.23541404323815246,0.22142843154351016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619475860099995,0.17628512531187016,0.0,0.0,0.06396152447889533,0.08009530756239316,0.0,0.07782515570835555,0.0,0.07957456194659956,0.0,0.17404433534132607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833410793150898,0.05749393565607677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439367042473573,0.053127742723249785,0.08526691312591715,0.0,0.08903689238552019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932179547360968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820209112717639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986864880452362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06235381523264465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05509569271551469,0.053138856750916265,0.08147931795837199,0.0,0.1934310068867615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056304727048905,0.0,0.0,0.08633412911904667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782974278381686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483235735864159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067206485198906,0.0,0.0 bpd,nomon_bamboo,2020/02/09,"Is there ever really a happy ending? My whole life has been revolved around guys I have dated and I become a part of them. Each one I would see the end of the relationship before my feelings were concrete. Now I have found someone who sees me for who I am and accepts every bit of me. You aren't perfect, you are struggling with an illness just like me but not the same illness. You are so much more forgiving than I am, you have the patience of a rock and what is the best part about all of this is that you try to understand me and my BPD, even though I don't fully understand it myself. But in a blind fit of rage, you are the worst person. I could drag you through the dirt from a simple miscommunication which I take as a personal attack. In that instant, I forget everything you have done for me. How you were there for me in the psych ward when my own father didn't show up. How you help me out with grocery shopping or errands because you want to, not because you need to. But I need to establish a boundary to where I know I can provide for myself if you should ever leave me. I took myself to the ER while I insisted you go to a party and leave me be when all I wanted you was the be there for me. I purposely push myself away from you at times so I know that I can survive without you. I fool myself sometimes that I could have a happy ending, maybe I am right now too. Every time I hurt you I hate myself more and more. Thinking how you could be better off happy with someone who is not damaged, angry, bitter, anyone not like me. I fight myself all the time because I know everything is not black and white but when my body says BE ANGRY, it's nearly impossible not to act. You have stayed longer than the others, you have supported me more than others. You are perfect for me, so why am I not content? Because I feel like there is no happy ending for a pwBPD. I frantically try to find stories of success but there is such a sigma about BPD clumped with narcissists that I've almost lost hope. You've feared yourself that you were in an abusive relationship because of what you read on Reddit, yet you turn to me and say that you have all the hope in the world for me. I don't want to lose you but I can't stand hurting you anymore. I work hard but it's not enough. TLDR; I am not deserving enough to have someone like you, and I don't know what to do with myself.",4.168286704312116,4.711988402464068,5.077140015400413,85.76825622433266,70.5195071868583,7.565939425051335,26.51238449691992,7.413659706084162,1.2241540554414785,1860,55,391,18,32,608,211,487,0.139,0.687,0.174,0.9637,0,0,0,0,1,0,42.0,0,29,1,9,29,33,5,3,27,0,50,5,1,3,8,76,76,30,0,13,20,1,3,4,0,2,4,2,0,3,20,17,0,0,13,4,1,4,17,15,1,1,10,11,92,18,57,57,20,40,0,5,5,0,44,17,0,5,21,320,112,4,0.0,0.09122031846175484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709415925903779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635318957742204,0.05383305526822603,0.0,0.0,0.06853724097395457,0.0,0.0875870072374751,0.07233444742654421,0.0,0.0,0.2346613243824729,0.08502918058993518,0.0655126455899707,0.0,0.08079604071354145,0.0680912178035478,0.08405291674223539,0.08551830693611054,0.1939319051035413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18441026149336784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878729130607119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727604288978527,0.15910207929355227,0.0,0.05085103396395334,0.13928335595258134,0.12973444687084418,0.0,0.13838692812204276,0.0,0.0,0.08663492462052211,0.07785670799951272,0.05500152544452088,0.0,0.0,0.07036727849887578,0.0,0.0,0.08441533715435418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04375507513731114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762320020796661,0.0,0.3278282766467277,0.06896773462667527,0.0760114840252908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051604637194807804,0.0,0.0,0.15293647769606314,0.0,0.0,0.16483833731477546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924631307894444,0.0,0.0,0.1630421544337383,0.0,0.0,0.054380169574671434,0.15045330113288255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613188818184503,0.0840434567156222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734659793102598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056596358412464014,0.1141739159820838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05217027809036892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674489232443082,0.0,0.0,0.1344490399729191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701063025053485,0.0,0.049321634573603085,0.0,0.0,0.16531645594971095,0.0,0.06574886487842542,0.0,0.12245075139882006,0.0,0.0,0.12270179857023768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195699612212636,0.0,0.07614487658948682,0.0,0.0,0.08206087841754887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048645076169192,0.0,0.0,0.08736710781089528,0.0,0.0,0.057886744881946776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04933195238465827,0.07564208339479435,0.0,0.1346801070568246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553849586511766,0.1045420350997622,0.08374278956525136,0.0,0.16029818506768356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623172875462936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947131563918309,0.0859563574554923,0.0,0.0742154156852804,0.0,0.05604948822704418,0.0,0.0,0.05469134193320632,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BigRed1094,2020/02/09,"Mom was diagnosed with BPD. Hello, as the title says, my mom was just diagnosed with BPD. She’s going to be 50 years old this July. I always knew she had something more than just general depression and anxiety, but the doctors just always diagnosed her with those. She tried to kill herself Thursday morning and we ended up taking her to the ER. From there she was transferred to a behavioral center where she is right now. The psychiatrist there finally diagnosed her with BPD. She was switched from Celexa to Abilify and was also prescribed a medicine (I don’t know the name) to aid her in controlling her craving for alcohol, she’s been an alcoholic for about 20 years or so. I just wanted to post here because I don’t know much about this disorder and it would be nice to get some advice on how my family can help her cope and things like that because I know she’s got a lot of work to do to get better. Thank you everyone.",6.854833333333333,6.630181483333337,7.032222222222224,76.705,64.72222222222223,10.977777777777774,33.55555555555556,10.577609850970193,3.4363222222222216,737,28,140,17,10,238,111,180,0.076,0.8320000000000001,0.092,0.4875,0,0,3,0,0,0,16.0,1,1,0,3,14,6,1,0,9,0,15,7,0,2,0,28,26,11,1,2,6,2,0,1,0,1,7,1,0,0,6,10,2,1,4,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,9,1,24,4,26,14,4,15,0,1,0,0,23,6,0,3,8,103,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401538007867645,0.0,0.2493843842531325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330652696014806,0.194169163777836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925755906113048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225039012594518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319129411498404,0.0,0.0,0.44085165980338814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308631377771443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004936992056468,0.4736986548117554,0.0,0.0,0.13372191060037467,0.119423817964771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334115965782073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114898403825929,0.0,0.0,0.1099926588583696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278139123117799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191779736311202,0.0,0.06631020817610117,0.0,0.09331722775799596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820611036551323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290857749239965,0.0,0.19236782621358905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057002471642402526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919458345198696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733013030882393,0.0,0.0,0.08577099448606612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224328478569232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117442802220901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964149081561056,0.0,0.09278620584120367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982362817402656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772655724422633,0.0,0.0,0.10742047356208688,0.0,0.0,0.0775149912300387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921600053095587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881909710329398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494222032154483,0.0,0.0,0.08288396849143442,0.0,0.0,0.1502722804392202 bpd,RIPENip,2020/02/09,"DAE feel sick/helpless/doomed reading the news? I just want to make it clear I haven't been diagnosed with BPD but I am waiting for therapy as my doctor thinks I could have it. I have joined this group just to learn more about the disorder and I am asking this as a question mainly because I don't know how other people think even though sometimes it feels like I can and I have been experiencing this more recently because of all the bad things that are happening this year already, most notably for me is the coronavirus. Everytime I hear about it or read about it in the news I get in a such a funk for a while I have to read about symptoms and likelihood of it being fatal and all those fun things all while I am feeling anxious/scared/sick and helpless. I can't really explain the feeling but if there is anyone else out there that can or knows why I always just feel doomed when reading things like that please speak up so I know I'm not going crazy.",6.960000000000001,6.169527748691102,6.624445026178013,81.58776701570685,64.70680628272251,9.734240837696337,32.189005235602096,8.841846274778883,2.375588062827225,764,25,155,10,10,239,110,191,0.11900000000000001,0.764,0.11699999999999999,-0.7462,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,15,7,0,0,10,0,19,3,0,2,4,41,39,18,1,3,9,0,5,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,18,7,0,1,13,4,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,8,18,3,19,35,7,10,1,2,0,0,6,4,0,5,7,115,36,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239564522418904,0.0,0.10736920163071842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457751906339883,0.0,0.0902257384678744,0.13221375475099836,0.0,0.0,0.12063226694528782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774058609218942,0.15731963327561468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251770648410901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302562209154748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096993722153805,0.0,0.0,0.1478876923848134,0.1320749365253574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779393684518226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522778557509585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262251668112122,0.09218412786280282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741655736041885,0.0,0.07333475587277997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410707870471255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454341864230056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127462416598973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260820153343225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861332642212557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945807575774929,0.0,0.0,0.1416439833671632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455108014057147,0.0,0.5162880649898438,0.0,0.08266446850681652,0.0,0.1274085661128678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276209883797295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411895118052866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475651660870753,0.0,0.2571795405877341,0.1653635229057838,0.12677829262223034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610942303260829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643590958471413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309565980542286 bpd,Diablo165,2020/02/09,"Is ending a relationship without abandonment possible? I know that fear of/perceived abandonment are big pieces of BPD, and I know experiences will vary from person to person. I’m wondering if there is a way of ending a relationship that, for you, would not read as abandonment. If so, how would one go about such a separation?",5.385593220338984,7.802324169491527,6.412000000000003,70.10884745762712,70.01694915254237,10.82169491525424,30.444067796610174,10.793553405168565,4.029146440677967,262,11,44,9,5,87,42,59,0.054000000000000006,0.7979999999999999,0.14800000000000002,0.6692,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,4,0,6,0,0,1,0,14,11,6,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,3,1,0,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,3,0,8,8,1,5,0,3,0,0,5,1,0,3,2,33,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591296668293853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644594685273895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012588984878993,0.0,0.23152125629579925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693009498744013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22614505177388605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941869722504793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592986405729589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319475062402703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20580150489923352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4417880402793104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331146091680002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19833163532182374,0.2231225730217493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923118649515076,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwawaiiie,2020/02/09,"How do y’all prevent yourselves from crying Whenever I’m talking about my symptoms to a doctor my voice starts shaking and I get tears in my eyes. It’s annoying cus I can’t speak everything that’s on my mind and stuff that’s necessary to bring up. Despite that it doesn’t really matter if you cry is there anyone that got any advice for how to prevent this?",2.4307240704501005,4.639825849315071,3.833307240704503,86.15410958904111,78.17808219178082,6.911154598825831,25.497064579256357,7.957251820313856,1.6398900195694717,289,11,56,5,7,95,56,73,0.17600000000000002,0.774,0.051,-0.8722,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,4,2,1,1,1,0,4,3,1,2,0,9,9,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,8,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,3,8,0,9,8,0,6,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,1,1,36,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25690244467630363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787807419879664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18382551178218934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5775657276191776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690888787684309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23627720699900995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373541892792034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21026482501660476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26545364993187864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16842021453644102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18608168874339656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009571417622265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27325334498901976,0.0,0.21130873857409074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jrt364,2020/02/09,"How can I encourage my sister to seek help? I don't have BPD, but I suspect my sister does. However, I don't want to diagnose her with it because I am not a doctor and thus am not qualified to make such a diagnosis. In the end, I want to encourage my sister to seek help, but she seems to think that *everyone else* is to blame for her extreme emotional reactions to things. I know the saying goes, ""you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped."" Yet at the same time, I feel there *must* be a way to encourage her to get help. I have undergone extensive psychological testing myself and have found a team of excellent providers. I am incredibly grateful for everyone who has helped me, and I know that getting help for mental health problems is the best decision I've ever made. I have done quite a bit of research into BPD (because I thought I had it at one point, but it turns out I have bipolar instead), so I am familiar with the criteria. But I know that you guys will probably have a bunch of brilliant ideas for me. Thanks!",5.767861788617887,5.757204058536591,6.671524390243902,77.65834349593497,66.95121951219512,10.735772357723576,34.15650406504065,10.504223727775694,3.483479674796748,812,35,163,20,12,271,113,205,0.06,0.701,0.239,0.9928,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,2,0,4,7,7,0,0,11,0,24,4,0,4,2,35,41,9,0,5,6,3,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,9,7,0,0,11,1,0,0,6,1,0,1,5,2,29,6,25,32,4,11,0,0,0,0,24,6,0,1,4,118,38,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471861256626127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669382388426842,0.0,0.13180083252414956,0.0,0.3040987456036417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253370565733335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356752809260513,0.10564758169943583,0.1235439647895639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085055249503946,0.13579978802136866,0.1069268414522393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092030055756722,0.0,0.23071652235369106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061042372648378876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236913299357275,0.0,0.0,0.1261480423871472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953709316114665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832541912137818,0.0,0.0,0.5664376782626608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628424393498836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19904251241383952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423326071455375,0.08058511952662845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166277443224392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180663267657777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412449314453985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301623637997304,0.11551787133767424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840628755630926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960056569307754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990383945216313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229021119072343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114769742598364,0.0,0.0,0.0802045690688048,0.07735594011900015,0.0,0.0958424557753956,0.07039593200145497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313145314926195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21362084698533626,0.09582617655313808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BpdNme123,2020/02/09,"A healthy relationship!? Ew get that crap out of my face Hi bpd pals! Maybe some of you can relate to this or give me some advice. About 3 weeks ago I started chatting with a guy on a dating app (but funny story we’d actually met each other in real life like 5 years ago) and the conversation flows great, he was really patient with me when my busy schedule and then getting the flu kept making it so I had to reschedule plans, we started talking on the phone for like 2 hours every night and have been on 3 dates (over 3 weeks).. he started talking about making plans for Valentine’s Day and even my upcoming birthday (I’ve never been to a major tourist area nearby so he wants to take me there). Anyway last night he came over to my house for the first time and brought me food (went to two different places because the first restaurant didn’t have what I wanted - super nice, right!). So I ended up having sex with him because I felt obligated to (only by my own mind - he did not pressure me in any way what so ever) after that I made up some excuse about being really tired so he’d leave because I just didn’t really want to be around him anymore. There’s nothing wrong with him. I mean maybe he’s a little bit on the lower end of what I’d consider attractive and some of his mannerisms kind of annoy me - but I’ve had FPs who were less conventionally attractive. He’s been so nice to me, and seems genuinely, healthily interested in pursuing a relationship. He’s not trying to “love bomb” me or rush into things. He’s not sometimes being nice and sometimes being a dick. He doesn’t demand my attention constantly or ignore me. But I’m probably going to “break up” with him very soon because I just don’t wanna do this. I just feel crappy about it because what on earth am I looking for if this isn’t it. My life is so stable now I don’t need another toxic FP but that’s what my brain associates with attraction.",4.2320442897205295,5.295066626631853,5.377731360603423,81.7722850788125,70.72323759791124,8.180601489217679,26.97891886664733,8.515128840125781,1.832898733197951,1510,49,297,24,27,501,208,383,0.087,0.797,0.11599999999999999,0.8156,2,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,2,1,0,5,23,18,2,1,13,0,27,11,4,3,2,57,54,25,0,6,14,0,2,2,1,0,4,0,0,1,17,20,1,2,5,1,0,6,10,5,0,3,17,3,38,13,49,31,9,57,1,0,1,3,34,20,2,9,31,191,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.09542853576480613,0.0,0.0,0.09555885781963196,0.17336914657204372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665002761108104,0.10254091395633012,0.0,0.0,0.09698099871254767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705346974296076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980581390741387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067609075073276,0.0,0.1231625682126708,0.10916552596474198,0.0,0.11184524214454963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567580888527796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306619710124134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216931049791396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322510657497628,0.0,0.0,0.06458910343737842,0.0884562847935755,0.08239194914180054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049445356114479165,0.0,0.09389334406222667,0.0,0.0,0.16635955450609596,0.1182475631719533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102182051718505,0.09380868761667367,0.05557607886512959,0.0,0.0,0.10781337073639916,0.0,0.09682707083305904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630305020046002,0.11283606003018425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183281211072176,0.0,0.07971156952608684,0.0,0.1035450585413726,0.0,0.0,0.13814336204413996,0.09555011050763804,0.09801086173051836,0.0,0.0,0.08211862859235843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825892500975335,0.09253087668602043,0.13055062441541027,0.0,0.19648557855628584,0.1065215340141141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873961154205596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250974360172137,0.07542136211754304,0.0,0.0,0.18353781584648776,0.0,0.09383175121005184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437339151060829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216931049791396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543372007921094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113059649017134,0.18793955061562131,0.0,0.0,0.20997885079004944,0.0,0.08351177750944372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902397210808727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934328145127229,0.0,0.20764793024689432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352560334335677,0.15719914017081238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649670598890247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057021897672174436,0.11239475091666948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639271409308076,0.0,0.09552622229187456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068665500064805,0.1730365055354238,0.07762082663549118,0.15688182472874407,0.0,0.0,0.09065193177247173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691756791074723,0.0,0.06297329128234397 bpd,Live_Pen,2020/02/09,"Was this irrational or fair? I split on a friend recently and ended the friendship. She had been upsetting me for a while - we met out partying a while back and she’s fairly superficial and annoying but I felt like I needed all the friends I could get, and she could be fun to hang out with and went to good parties etc. She’s one of those people who come across as a bit heartless though. Like just not gentle at all. Anyway, as per usual I ended up caring more about the friendship than she did. I told her about the depression, the bipolar, going to rehab, being sober etc. I told her just before Xmas that I self-admitted at emergency because I was acutely suicidal. I saw her a few days later and she asked me nothing about it or how I was doing. Like, bitch, I was going to throw myself off a cliff, and you don’t even ask how I’m doing? I also had surgery for endometriosis a few weeks later and she doesn’t ask me anything about that. Instead when I saw her she was talking NON STOP about a guy she’s slept with a few times who clearly just isn’t that into her. It drove me nuts. I sent her a message saying I felt our friendship has taken on a superficial hue and that I felt unsupported. She got defensive and said things like “it’s unfair to expect me to listen to things about you and not say anything about myself.” Like dude, it has ALL been about you, I hardly ever talk about myself. All I was asking for was a bit more support/care. So I terminated the friendship and told her as much. Yeh I split on her, but also I think I have pretty reasonable reasons (lol) to end it. Was this too drastic?",3.915607890499196,4.946803929012347,4.908851315083201,84.95896135265703,71.43827160493828,7.610091250670961,25.50670960815889,7.893859768569023,1.333332957595276,1259,37,256,16,23,412,164,324,0.132,0.6859999999999999,0.182,0.9401,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,2,3,0,0,25,16,4,1,18,1,25,3,1,4,6,48,54,28,1,4,9,0,4,5,2,0,2,4,0,1,16,19,0,2,6,0,0,8,5,6,0,1,29,10,54,10,38,21,14,35,0,1,2,0,44,11,1,2,21,200,70,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601637294320251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481325751378295,0.0,0.3744692613498699,0.0,0.0,0.07700142381887881,0.0,0.061044371004889186,0.0,0.08521170357812681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186537320181985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209933117663046,0.0,0.0,0.08626168148734589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15990716904221972,0.0,0.0,0.06458196957268861,0.0,0.08625037376040699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660827608827866,0.0,0.2233649823509964,0.06614147839331043,0.0905822985311941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884501064605345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473572084575432,0.0,0.052318979566547325,0.0,0.11382365828956872,0.0839926209968146,0.08009104885214456,0.0,0.0,0.0991542732839063,0.0,0.0,0.08970570653252402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446165542360669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736143697634859,0.07425248818304997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608696227349307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785740725612709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942441769327465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018783083329462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20592104974967626,0.09887609851427766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525600390455152,0.15927058107866313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446778522908824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372146427266544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953682851229746,0.1136376042551388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097736273945065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305703777396294,0.06416562276909944,0.09838697140412717,0.0,0.05839239766636965,0.0,0.0,0.2870639795180241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028998368229756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032621036967673,0.0,0.0,0.0928307170644348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sk1n1m1n,2020/02/09,"Advice for bpd coping with rejection. If you have been abandoned by people in your and your current friends aren't always there, make it clear to them their boundaries and remember if you agree to meet with them arrive in mutual place so that you are closet to your home in case there's a no show. That if they don't turn you can straight home your safe place and then without twice about delete on your mobile, block, of course expect like traffic 10 minutes late etc, a parent is ill but not every week. Think to yourself hmmm ”your mum is sick every Monday at 10am, a brother visited from Australia and you telling 5 minutes before we were due to meet up bs” it takes 24 hours on a.plane",9.00888888888889,6.8391542962963,7.869444444444442,78.7175,61.5925925925926,10.185185185185183,35.092592592592595,7.793537801064563,2.5260370370370366,550,17,106,4,6,168,98,135,0.10099999999999999,0.8220000000000001,0.077,-0.6597,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,11,4,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,9,2,0,1,1,21,13,10,0,4,6,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,3,0,4,7,0,3,2,1,0,1,5,2,0,1,2,0,16,3,20,11,1,18,0,2,0,0,24,10,0,3,8,68,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865195304127884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158822174795605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16241942523590366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403986915668312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128745848744484,0.0,0.0,0.32163857991542016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474685154028646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38292368557728745,0.0,0.18797210547046467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21531380113877405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325122834982903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740964949068298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21194260986159089,0.0,0.0,0.13232776186361092,0.0,0.3988446963784079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21622264696595006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435132369916461,0.0,0.16683199099751167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230413349858345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076157301594548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310733586800535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839953958612878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,norther-nice,2020/02/09,"Time to turn a corner At 27 years old, I've decided it's time to take back the control that I gave to alcohol addiction and self-imposed solitude. I spent my whole life building a convincing yet flimsy ego, suspended by a myriad of destructive coping mechanisms. I'm letting it all go. I told my boss. I told my coworkers. I drop-kicked the skeleton in my closet clear into daylight, because I'll be damned if I let it kill me. It's okay to need help, and damnit do people like us need help. I'm going to DBT, and I'm going to get better.",2.6431531531531545,4.154255477477477,4.740720720720724,83.040990990991,75.30630630630631,8.176576576576577,26.74774774774775,8.841846274778883,2.1215477477477487,422,16,85,9,9,146,77,111,0.152,0.693,0.154,-0.4215,0,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,1,0,0,2,2,7,3,0,5,1,4,3,0,2,2,12,19,4,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,5,4,1,1,1,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,4,0,12,4,11,12,2,13,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,1,7,45,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951902814652501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19134936284812887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376779413232466,0.0,0.10914685615547108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835464950631167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20081913395625084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354592475846148,0.0,0.3052737112507726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24002608558011085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980916396063676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661802976576195,0.12646789073351258,0.0874744957444564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655257319713252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18788223247630945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413031385053165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867875799124329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462287050422456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20881029728863476,0.0,0.0,0.34217876127471725,0.0,0.0,0.1947543386365348,0.0,0.0,0.21537438991126226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19990226782218765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153019472405837 bpd,changewith,2020/02/09,"talkative enough to make the person bored? I kinda isolated myself from everyone, but my family. And i'm mostly at home so i talk with my family members. but everytime they really get bored because of me and they complain. then i really hate them because i really love to talk with the person i am close to but they treating me like this. so I don't know what to do. i always stop talking after such a treatment but it doesn't take long like after 2-3 hours they show me a little love and i have no reasons to not to talk to them again. i also hate myself when i make the person get bored with my talkativeness. i'm stuck with this spiral.",1.830307692307695,4.036198030769235,3.740769230769235,86.05423076923078,80.23076923076924,6.76923076923077,20.0,7.882392219407189,0.9433846153846152,504,13,99,9,13,170,72,130,0.20600000000000002,0.6659999999999999,0.128,-0.8273,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,6,0,6,11,2,0,5,0,5,2,0,3,0,20,18,12,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,8,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,24,5,16,17,2,11,0,0,0,2,16,3,0,2,10,72,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712396157295114,0.12186640322965055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17856124077969945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133226983637074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994874963380105,0.0,0.0,0.2761387947691321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530385480912269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28919773926913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691126202245214,0.0,0.14423353936986866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049055308830169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431058579869662,0.14679133687518384,0.0,0.12961243859399396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643716291153514,0.0,0.19552629524387646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836495126920824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814779647835511,0.15058521179215464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244706837279955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011964815696704,0.4708758097597216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,purple_ignitor,2020/02/09,"I couldn't help myself.. Just want to let this out. I wanted to tell my friends IRL but couldn't do it. I found out I didnt get the job offer I wanted. Theres no big difference from the current job I have right now to the one I got rejected. I just feel so fucking helpless and like a fucking idiot. I know I did so horribly during the interview I was crushed about it for a month after I had it. I had a little bit of hope that I was going to get the job anyways. Now I officially found out that I did in fact fuck up that interview. I'm so crushed. I bailed my eyes out and told myself how much I hate myself, how I'm so stupid to even think I was going to get it. The worst part is walking passed the people who interview me daily because it's at the same workplace I currently work out. So yes I bailed my eyes out took out the rubbing alcohol cleaned up the blade and SH. I usually am a burner but I decided to cut instead. Its strange how it does bring comfort. I tried my DBT skills before the darkness took over... sigh. Not sure what I'm looking for. Maybe to just get this off my chest and vent a bit. Fml.",0.8928068244358869,2.7632627679324884,2.8177251880388923,93.21406164006608,81.65822784810126,5.978279214822968,22.540634745918183,7.079830092131019,0.6149333700238486,864,29,197,11,23,289,130,237,0.245,0.6829999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9942,5,1,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,2,18,16,7,0,16,1,15,7,3,3,2,35,43,14,0,6,6,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,14,11,1,0,6,0,0,7,5,10,1,1,14,5,33,5,27,26,6,30,0,2,3,3,9,16,3,1,8,135,47,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594631396164014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754461553454156,0.0,0.1082443587219522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777556604389598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290494140841527,0.0,0.0,0.11132029011777707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840194669625584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432002061369745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789532907512227,0.09828033105200762,0.35280432609014417,0.26584303115008,0.0,0.14459010184727292,0.0,0.1017395951299148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255912392138398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526462043972344,0.0,0.0,0.12634591996952435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787019549658191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991000920625959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007846216723465,0.0,0.0621472425364196,0.12749550498286658,0.0,0.0,0.1068224055581705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277972033791641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153594934956453,0.0,0.09351227487739854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619921002094921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775351138148914,0.0,0.0881897821226339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863465597168584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989172446396072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111851113473846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150953914760999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155238099271437,0.2826648060867652,0.0863656584691029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010127782739618,0.0,0.22509114055508844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260869951432413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ViviVoxNox,2020/02/09,Anyone here with Quiet BPD? I think I might have it and I’m looking for ppl who can tell me more of their own condition / or knowledge about it ..,1.1540000000000001,3.1919117333333347,2.4700000000000024,95.165,81.66666666666666,5.333333333333334,20.0,6.42735559955562,0.01400000000000068,112,3,25,1,3,36,27,30,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,4,5,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102224024242992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.55878327180374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725686840310095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4706607573294476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3877846637331033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842840093098461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,punkpulp,2020/02/09,"TW//suicide, drinking, and anxiety//relationship help please. hello fellow borderline here. i could use some outside perspective on a situation i’m dealing with. my boyfriend started to have a drinking problem when he moved out of his family’s house. it escalated quickly, and he started being reckless and getting black out drunk. it was fun for him at first i guess, but he then started doing it heavily and becoming suicidal. it started out with me desperately trying to console him but being sweet and stuff made him shut me down with saying hopeless things. i have trauma associated with drinking and also suicide. i have attempted and not too long ago my father did too, but he luckily got help. i feel like i can’t help my boyfriend. every time he gets drunk and texts me suicidal things my ultimate reaction is a panic attack. i guess i have this selfish thing where i wish i could make him as happy as he makes me but he said nothing can. i have so much anxiety around this whole situation. every time we fight about the situation and i discontinue the conversation i’m so scared of what’s going to happen in the morning. what should i do? i’ve begged him to get help but he doesn’t seem interested. i feel so selfish bc it’s taking so much out of me and i don’t know what to do. i’ll answer any questions if you have any. i just want an outside perspective. this group has helped me so much. so thanks in advance.",3.3496624299576325,5.920723774907754,4.609315293152932,79.89316386497202,76.93357933579334,7.5572502391690595,27.74921415880825,8.515128840125781,2.340498865655324,1137,48,205,24,27,374,150,271,0.20800000000000002,0.647,0.145,-0.9766,0,0,3,0,1,3,30.0,1,1,0,3,16,15,2,2,7,0,22,5,0,4,0,47,49,27,3,7,8,1,2,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,15,20,5,0,6,5,0,3,4,9,0,1,5,6,34,6,26,39,5,27,0,1,1,0,31,12,0,6,13,142,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124212838323894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329241164937621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465018317593735,0.0,0.07011194151852829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158786387201919,0.0,0.10426502032908368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122014123325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463500144594575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094487048003928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26934610406856896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544380287329125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639939234797811,0.0,0.0926819113743101,0.06547472449943363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795737910808911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436499087926441,0.0,0.05208676426542375,0.0,0.07330081714153625,0.0,0.2019254494639694,0.0,0.08104572571045518,0.09756304903861013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071550630565152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057517079190525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05036840174808587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044775523779073366,0.0,0.0,0.08110729928131424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672137472875495,0.1223540727860865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097409365649933,0.20211972003204307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794057453658148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753143952520798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060409533591258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769660032006978,0.0,0.0,0.10266889070519117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839772007276526,0.0,0.0,0.08718006598628818,0.07288369865917108,0.09175756305703367,0.0,0.0,0.08343464929252145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30905506594376064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25948115361455865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491723669905438,0.4010005688334165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890933738078765,0.0,0.0,0.08437893708385555,0.0,0.0,0.18266441259751184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688361621284524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062224282794404936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915610860368615,0.0,0.0,0.054057500140234686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023238678907194,0.10539289031308514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,brainjerky,2020/02/09,"I think I just had my first real panic attack I had been having a really low peak day, that had gotten progressively worse as the time went by. Just finished watching a movie and went to get ready for bed, then I got hit with a huge wave of impending doom and panic, breathing got heavy, strong urge to burst out into the living room for comfort. It only lasted around 10 seconds , as I started slow deep breaths as soon as it set in and was able to quell it further with a small toke... Just looking for some support, hoping I go to bed and wake up at a happier mindset...",11.205526315789475,6.113095780701759,10.430263157894741,71.04434210526315,60.49122807017544,12.803508771929824,40.780701754385966,8.841846274778883,3.6090596491228055,445,14,89,4,4,144,82,114,0.14,0.706,0.153,0.1548,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,5,9,1,2,7,0,6,3,3,0,0,16,19,9,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,9,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,5,0,2,10,2,7,4,21,8,1,25,1,2,2,0,0,12,0,2,9,57,11,0,0.1987219115397057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769046327621938,0.0,0.22607486280303235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815919308954798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690327564385381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038239968350676,0.0,0.11293824187626328,0.0,0.3178721325008081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973756970538613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198488096507746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17547508864375344,0.0,0.16687635630101738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113696847823702,0.0,0.4663146923281784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261890410953027,0.12730634509769842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065639180386916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22550727025406314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733297687554196,0.0,0.0,0.11587634469808245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684344058138891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025146051468252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,project_defiance,2020/02/09,You know something is wrong in your head when you are experiencing real physical pain from a real physical injury and your brain keeps telling you that you're making it up Nothing feels real :(,8.447714285714287,8.883825914285715,8.092142857142857,68.21535714285716,61.28571428571429,10.428571428571429,34.64285714285714,10.125756701596842,3.5972857142857144,157,6,25,3,2,50,28,35,0.221,0.721,0.057999999999999996,-0.7779,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,5,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,3,2,1,0,8,6,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,3,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24741698341948046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206487346470148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22746055472032226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196998594659526,0.0,0.0,0.12180431941508407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794250012051746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21266392140002432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23583433642908516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7568044718111184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062477825657316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19371799504134427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423221240702703,0.0,0.0 bpd,linakun,2020/02/09,"Venting but also would be cool to hear what you say I’ve moved to a city about 2 hours away from my family. I’ve worked at this job for two years in April. Im renting a room in someone else’s home. I’m a 24 year old woman. My whole life I‘ve felt out of place. This job was not an exception. I love everyone there. I get along with everyone. I feel as if since moving out on my own I’ve noticed my unhealthy traits tenfold. I’ve been able to recognize what is normal behavior and what is the product of my poor mental health. I’ve had my highs and lows since being in my own. I can proudly say I have grown a lot. But I have had a generous amount of lows. The worst my mental health has ever been was around the end of last year around my birthday, September. It’s gotten considerably better since those dark months last year. But right now I’m going downhill again. It’s as if I can feel my head getting heavier with these thoughts. I cried after work today because I just feel as if I can never be happy. I put my two weeks in today to move back home. I really feel like I’m making the right decision. But I have no back up plan financially wise. And I keep thinking to myself, is this really what I want to do or am I just running away from a problem? I’m just venting...but also...have you guys done something similar? How did you go about it...",1.5734902819600336,3.43255639145908,3.2385231316726006,91.093662058582,79.39145907473309,6.315959485354504,21.483848891322204,7.321109707123232,0.6042881467287158,1050,30,230,14,26,348,157,281,0.129,0.78,0.091,-0.9039,3,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,3,0,5,15,11,0,0,11,1,24,5,1,2,2,42,45,16,0,7,13,0,5,1,0,1,3,3,4,2,12,10,0,1,9,0,2,8,3,4,0,2,11,9,31,7,36,30,6,49,0,2,0,1,9,20,0,5,22,146,43,4,0.09387947157842016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015075900708744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671452666171734,0.0,0.0,0.17640570774230915,0.14437503761971296,0.0,0.057228054516452964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302876357677617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312219128851903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607129368107054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842425215308939,0.0,0.08314934691504333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491935674386106,0.0,0.17941171641910172,0.0,0.0,0.08850121074512679,0.0,0.1898731263702211,0.06706751325362874,0.09013901498238612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809629833485396,0.0,0.10670773430257538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295543657213193,0.0,0.09993644317690893,0.0,0.0,0.09634742206766518,0.19957897657171192,0.1058089874210486,0.0,0.0,0.0991888160632554,0.18833752891478867,0.0,0.09245236892527488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140593910289894,0.0,0.18632177940295924,0.08344438784006211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304859852514366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630984712165243,0.04586476777794075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981296957429955,0.0847298883988091,0.0,0.0626652762646393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18921685332736365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493369855149205,0.2993370635020066,0.0,0.0,0.07240563596712052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919819496477017,0.0,0.10688240062097944,0.0985107131946298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980840665724727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982997560097163,0.0,0.09437479862035172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028318682878575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16034511155850564,0.0,0.14931344769048166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329742070400808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954377161799524,0.07227300375707334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015417470053175,0.0,0.07452981399453068,0.0,0.0,0.17797352403570793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18341320502274225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055372544670189316,0.0,0.07530444937777721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481307738809566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669074681640006,0.0,0.0,0.0666892830756834,0.0,0.0,0.2418212069484899 bpd,byuninis,2020/02/09,"i forgive myself back in july, my most intense relationship ended and it sent me into a bpd spiral. i did things i shouldn’t have, said things i shouldn’t have. i didn’t know how to forgive myself. i didn’t think i could, especially since i recognized i was doing things i shouldn’t as i was doing them. i didn’t give myself time to heal. i started working 50+ hour weeks. didn’t give myself time to think about anything. in october, i lost my job, and it was the best thing to ever happen to me. i spent most of my time alone. just me and my thoughts. i started to work again, but this time it was on myself. i didn’t go to therapy because a part of me knew i could do it on my own. and i did. i learned forgiveness. i accepted that he will never know or care about how sorry i am. i realized the only person i can truly apologize to is myself, and that the most important person i need to ask forgiveness from, is myself. and i forgive me.",1.5567913832199594,3.3814418673469437,3.70768707482993,87.8746145124717,79.3061224489796,6.600453514739229,22.113378684807266,7.594959193182576,0.9014385487528354,730,22,155,11,18,250,95,196,0.045,0.81,0.145,0.9397,1,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,4,8,9,0,0,5,0,26,1,0,2,2,37,45,11,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,2,11,7,0,0,14,0,1,2,9,1,0,0,17,1,44,8,20,22,6,20,0,1,0,0,16,5,0,4,13,127,55,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446590745934082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478547300519447,0.0,0.13040101244997232,0.0,0.0,0.10725647910192294,0.0,0.0850296524175527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638243597801828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567831562169836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221574404162785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22273717918472424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235436033370658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617349040542233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676162485134643,0.07927337068049364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334741746627212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736606741778012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841879017483247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331622298567646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226595032872714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342744396264647,0.1075805583708265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608573966316978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105024522106114,0.0,0.0,0.2435883963165947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497562585706976,0.0,0.0,0.13268356720458865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538464257466455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614367400665752,0.19745847112203674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15951492537921338,0.0,0.3706744286945999,0.17875458494855648,0.0,0.11073666984219868,0.3253427102722549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188762592386756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20309561086254765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wildflowersinbloom,2020/02/09,"Medication? I’m assuming baby borderline means “I’m new to this”... I got diagnosed 10 years ago but haven’t actually researched it until now at 28 yrs old, and I’m blown away by how similar everyone here is to me. I’ve felt so different and misunderstood all my life that it’s beautiful to have finally found my tribe. I feel more comfortable in my own skin just learning about what I have, realizing I’m not “broken” and I deserve compassion instead of beating myself up! I am considering meds to help me stabilize my moods. They’re extreme and lately have been getting exacerbated by female hormones. I was reading that topamax and lamotrigine are commonly used to treat this, and topamax has weight loss as a side effect (😍) has anyone tried these or any other meds? What were your experiences? I have tried 3 different ssri’s and currently take buspirone for anxiety. The antidepressants didn’t do anything except numb me & the buspirone is only helping minimally.",6.213455019556713,8.036985225988705,7.386666666666668,66.35436766623208,66.79661016949153,11.095871360278142,36.21425467188179,11.051253699011982,4.756294567579314,783,40,125,25,13,265,129,177,0.08199999999999999,0.769,0.149,0.9404,3,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,3,7,5,0,0,3,0,16,6,1,3,1,23,28,13,0,0,5,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,10,7,1,0,8,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,7,4,16,2,17,21,3,15,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,2,10,81,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.16013134887972316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454587722226495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777949762732297,0.0,0.11158904230431824,0.0,0.12553089307708684,0.0,0.0,0.11473782121486213,0.0,0.13503476952102786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417101732662195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655120253515146,0.0,0.3428850578712525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15679813989382793,0.0,0.16051469315984174,0.0,0.0,0.08297048159644786,0.0,0.15755526075102244,0.17975614310924207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799197874605004,0.0,0.0,0.08573195450315353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312403684702644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199765035372401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18510434220216612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590392080115253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17874566333551722,0.364541234486634,0.16530669375127724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848229091694466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218827060825978,0.0,0.0,0.12480031688535727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641376637700336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337770821072727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22281710136920546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172388883142964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998213810242757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567067801700897 bpd,napforever,2020/02/09,"Taking better care of myself but mentally worse? I have been making more effort than ever before to take care of my mental and physical health but I feel like I am increasingly less stable. I have started working out regularly and trying to monitor my alcohol consumption, finally have a regular psychiatrist monitoring my meds, and overall trying to be more self aware. Unfortunately I have been feeling more disconnected from my relationships and more anxious - I am constantly paranoid and feel like I am gaslighting myself all the time. I have an incredibly supportive partner but he feels very drained by my moods and my inability to regulate. I am very depressed and feel like no matter how hard I try to succeed and be happy i won’t let myself get there. I feel so hopeless and don’t know what to do. I have social phobia and maintaining friendships is incredibly draining for me. I spend most of my time with my partner when I’m not alone or working, and find it difficult to commit to any other plans unless he’s a part of them. I don’t really know what I’m expecting from this post I just feel very overwhelmed and don’t want to lose my relationship and feel frightened for my own well being and stability.",7.127844500632117,7.941105792035398,7.883590391908977,67.29336283185843,64.08849557522124,11.058912768647282,35.16940581542352,10.914260884657429,4.1739529709228815,983,43,162,26,14,329,131,226,0.183,0.63,0.187,-0.5946,0,1,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,1,7,7,16,0,1,4,0,22,2,0,2,3,43,43,22,0,2,7,0,9,3,2,1,2,0,0,3,5,16,1,0,11,0,1,1,6,5,1,0,2,9,31,10,22,36,10,10,0,4,0,0,9,1,0,2,10,120,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000282100889027,0.0,0.11629756777998157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636038918181992,0.0,0.0,0.12685463915277093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554969183348223,0.0,0.0,0.09931051965777314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289722941963541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134454720364185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671437475456136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157185394478824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4542136492599049,0.2406579108171421,0.0,0.12300714086434515,0.10263013674962486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586663822539639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953375766545045,0.10058891273108718,0.0,0.0,0.11935798524673645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342222568647016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482313832334552,0.0,0.16457624053856493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562269923153815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495379772317795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472779568403572,0.0,0.2263218579013645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159807418039632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754184868806853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193522627260314,0.0,0.0,0.2411127848486173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714194489743845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144645225361397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947875153696621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274242575999959,0.0,0.0,0.16885474811477216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095326975417845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287106362627928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779506223716477,0.06623097766456316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009613209960508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349549859541426,0.0,0.11443211203309556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DirectAnt4,2020/02/09,"Advice needed accepting bpd in self I have borderline, as I'm slowly starting to realize. At least some symptoms. I don't have angry outbursts but I internalize everything instead and that's what made me believe I didn't have borderline for a while. My mom has it and I absolutely hate her. She made my life terrible and has no remorse about it. For three years after I left I was afraid of answering the door because I thought it would be her and that she would hurt me. Now I feel shame. Like, if I hate my mom for all the trauma, shouldn't I hate myself too? I know bpd =/= abusive but I can't help but feel shame anyway.",1.0870341207349092,3.5295687795275623,2.8568818897637804,89.66023097112861,85.61417322834646,6.221312335958007,22.63989501312336,7.554174236665415,1.1238550131233596,493,18,102,9,15,163,83,127,0.344,0.61,0.046,-0.9941,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,5,11,3,3,3,0,13,2,0,2,1,23,25,10,0,5,4,2,2,1,0,3,2,0,1,1,6,4,0,0,7,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,5,2,23,2,10,16,3,8,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,2,6,73,29,0,0.0,0.18707235681057127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542870642942211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624751972977202,0.0,0.0,0.17788655957921298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3977107201581853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419002324927185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966659736106684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4676473739973399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582950449175016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690231780277089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677153073756345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17154659455505888,0.0,0.11152149715808617,0.07713647054592151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29879631561531084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698348037972797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707251141649695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647124059834599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175447361469908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410687122908724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534603532315636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22431928335938212,0.0,0.0,0.10167518179462416 bpd,Huffsjen2020,2020/02/09,"Time limit on friendships? feel like there's a time limit on their friendships? Mine seems to be between 2-4 years. I can never tell if it's me or not, because saying it's always them makes me seem narcisstic, but if I take the blame for it all it could just be my bpd telling me I'm worthless and that everyone will abandon me eventually. Whenever I get a new best friend they usually become my FP, so when they screw up I drop them from my life since I take it so personally and can't handle the shame. But recently my new FP abandoned me because I told her about my BPD, and it's the first time my FP has ever left me. (I've had 3) Sometimes I think I leave my FPs before they can leave me so I don't have to feel abandoned.",3.6725324675324655,4.0028480714285735,4.8978181818181845,87.37672727272728,71.53246753246755,7.978181818181818,27.08831168831169,7.908726449838941,1.3774774025974028,569,18,128,7,10,189,94,154,0.161,0.725,0.114,-0.7667,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,6,4,8,9,1,1,5,0,11,2,0,1,3,25,22,12,0,3,7,0,2,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,7,3,0,5,5,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,2,3,31,3,9,16,2,17,0,4,0,1,13,4,1,5,13,83,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148236919258065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17799854595697934,0.16124376853270167,0.12423388992089787,0.0,0.15321631934807933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677597620095461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656784691635337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206391648054008,0.0,0.13950773322665005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764236131986866,0.10430129017110157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418616926599985,0.0,0.0,0.11279800604360135,0.0,0.07627814109225944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091824621640369,0.15862769492867573,0.0,0.10312299159925456,0.07132744633823675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745506947026618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126029709566006,0.2820123399086287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274801763960751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415581220446075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610379212300595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26582293038159016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077138986291057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439615636140413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21954526265212584,0.0,0.2552180833636821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354988318586313,0.0,0.0,0.2553985332748301,0.0,0.0,0.13950773322665005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16079661732852993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401818649544072 bpd,throwmeawayfaraway99,2020/02/09,"I’m 25 years old, never had a job and I don’t see myself ever getting one even though I really need one in order to survive. Does anyone else have this problem due to consistent mood issues? Just need someone to relate to for once. I feel like I’m going crazy and having no money security is ruining my life.",3.1119047619047637,4.623755428571432,5.4319365079365065,78.56028571428574,74.07936507936509,7.5796825396825405,23.711111111111112,8.238735603445708,1.5656882539682535,244,7,45,4,5,86,52,63,0.15,0.774,0.076,-0.5893,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,2,9,13,3,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,2,0,2,1,2,5,2,6,12,0,8,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,6,28,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893281203241594,0.2328947835591532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989109695773495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18987922729997336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501289083886938,0.205605044340865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149292518908245,0.16238251872227874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187543955946794,0.0,0.1291793136691435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23724120078414185,0.22555927873643306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054807267094515,0.11104685638529277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370787973554923,0.17530707443358656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23851216414090776,0.24206611769320546,0.3080474983298754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174945362844117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561362043749151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811279500210093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925897853876507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22332020655385232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637316474020529 bpd,bileaf,2020/02/09,"That time when someone plastered my mental health online :) People say people with BPD are the worst, but I really don’t believe that’s the case for those who are self aware. Ok so normally, if I see someone as toxic, I cut them off no questions and I don’t look back. I went out with this girl, spent money on her, etc. it wasn’t a date it was just a friend date. Anyways she screwed me over and I literally picked up my stuff and left. A year later she’s posting about me on social media. Then after she sent people to bully me, I made a post saying for people to stop witch hunting/cyber bullying me. Then, she takes screenshots from years ago where I told her I had BPD and other mental health problems, and posts it. Labeling it “at least I don’t have mental disorders” It literally took a few people to convince her to take it down, srsly I may have BPD and my own issues but I’m not toxic like that. Honestly BPD has been a blessing too because I’ve dodged so many bullets from toxic BS because I literally tolerate very little.",3.537445652173915,5.005584323671499,4.732919685990339,84.17300271739131,72.91304347826087,7.107367149758455,25.01479468599034,7.645422480735847,1.2776185990338167,813,25,159,10,16,268,130,207,0.156,0.753,0.091,-0.9362,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,0,9,11,2,0,8,1,13,3,0,2,0,21,24,15,0,3,5,0,0,1,1,1,2,2,0,2,14,9,0,1,1,0,2,3,6,5,0,0,10,4,27,6,21,13,5,30,1,0,2,1,18,11,1,3,14,109,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123492866243037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914134648725883,0.0,0.1254816723430571,0.0,0.0,0.1159588478021208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5185110890579506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795854448052814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114786224621905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951796661717828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21880443041737735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742475305545103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182601707536048,0.0,0.0,0.050282923393345114,0.1031557708500492,0.0,0.0,0.08642930267141956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738812355534222,0.0,0.10434765228706278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111661849021409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084257594192864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567688506814699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957150235853365,0.0,0.0,0.09848330211631824,0.0,0.0,0.11529718762601347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593503643256432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16369682036039349,0.0,0.0,0.08201621488229975,0.0,0.10737101702195764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049169211625994,0.17441245507010275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604814149941978,0.0,0.0,0.11782208068877192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477040312027485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06001516266512137,0.0,0.0,0.09834722848972084,0.1143511136646676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492216012536231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541054670804526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255792859072785 bpd,Simplycakey,2020/02/09,"I kinda regret breaking up with my ex I wasn't aware of BPD during the time and didn't know I have it up until I saw a therapist. Thinking back, I don't know how she dealt with my dissociating from time to time, my outbursts, my impulsiveness. I had thought it (my behavior) was normal. I don't know how she tolerated my hesitation to go out with her friends. One moment I'd agree to it, then the day of I make excuses to not see them that leads to a fight. One thing I do know, is that I loved her, possibly still do, and that she loved me. But that was almost 3 years ago. Before breaking up with her, I had an FP I talked with endlessly via text. Never met my FP before. I knew about my FP. She has BP, not entirely medicated, and does recreational drugs. But one day we decided to hang out, like after texting for years, we decided to hang out. We hit it off. I cheated on my ex. I continued to cheat on my ex with my FP. So, I broke up with my ex. Thinking back, was it just being compulsive. Was I just having an emotional outburst again? Ironically, it wasn't until the therapist that I realized the ways I hooked up with my ex were clearly signs of BPD. Suddenly falling in love so fast, asking her to hang out at 3am and thinking it was over because she didn't respond to my text, writing her an email that I'll never see her again because she didn't respond to me at 3 in the morning. I also realized I didn't want to see her friends because I was always paranoid of what they thought of me. Little responses from them triggered me into thinking they didn't like me. Same things would happen at work. Little by little I keep realizing, after the damage had been done, that it was just my BPD. Now, having been with my FP for quite some time, I still find myself dissociating. Home doesn't feel like home. Like something is missing. My FP isn't perfect, in fact, she triggers me quite a bit. And I realize I regret breaking up with my ex, because I still love her. I realize knowing her friends was kinda a good thing to have. Knowing her family and having possible in-laws may have been a good thing. But I can't find myself trying to contact her to ask how she's doing. I can't forgive myself for what I've done. And I think it would be weird and I'd be paranoid to see her friends and family again. I'll keep being paranoid. And I just feel so much more lonely now than I ever did before.",2.8173369963369943,4.271721712244897,4.5055102040816335,85.13835426478286,74.73469387755101,7.47462061747776,26.23757195185767,8.139509932561175,1.5878812140240712,1869,67,389,30,39,631,190,490,0.08800000000000001,0.8079999999999999,0.10400000000000001,0.9138,0,2,2,0,1,0,63.0,3,0,4,5,23,26,3,0,14,0,50,6,0,7,6,92,86,23,0,6,9,6,2,4,4,3,2,0,2,0,22,28,0,2,26,0,0,6,17,10,0,3,30,7,87,16,64,48,5,65,0,6,5,4,53,24,0,5,35,284,109,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510996764024418,0.0,0.07355066584275204,0.0,0.0,0.058738817479711235,0.061117198565357314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733372513361425,0.0,0.0,0.11295872281232315,0.0,0.17910043325467168,0.0,0.1875044264276494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018957664023138,0.0,0.2775272644311257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947397650307688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427755187350383,0.15033195228285912,0.0,0.0,0.08517995587196088,0.0,0.0,0.08262260033351015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644072436605789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848631865913066,0.0,0.07427816541131252,0.05247347993275294,0.0,0.0,0.13426594794930458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269925481026655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04174395234709828,0.12321459426226285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495256443178704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735488263477142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057342365648078,0.0,0.0,0.2422008191936005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435379876104729,0.22085189303327388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265169938941116,0.0,0.04902917906196642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399425497959403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05399500929149536,0.0,0.11330003161354266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196648205460368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931709720791878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656101561973784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562485705118377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341240652127934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056546244647312525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597442806524088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05903721124532699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056477478950705,0.19519058613112206,0.2353224926562252,0.0,0.11662393636824506,0.17131970644743427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049868474888663264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04332336135065266,0.05830206366443276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05347327500379105,0.0,0.0,0.10435510688961512,0.0,0.0,0.0946001993702899 bpd,juniu97,2020/02/09,"Help me cheer myself up! Hey everyone.. I'm stuck at an aunt's house for the next couple days with little to do and limited internet connection. I've also been going through a really rough time and the panic attacks are getting the best of me lately, making it impossible for me to get anything done. What I want to ask is if you could give me recommendations of subs of memes or something so I can laugh and distract myself from things. It can be the most stupid thing ever, I don't care. As long as it brings you joy, please do share. Thank you :)",3.249500509683997,5.005895642201836,4.397553516819574,85.10552497451582,74.22935779816514,7.413251783893987,23.120285423037714,8.167268648758528,1.2105282364933738,431,12,87,7,9,141,83,109,0.14,0.639,0.221,0.8968,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,0,2,3,11,2,2,6,0,11,0,0,1,1,12,23,9,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,3,1,12,7,15,18,2,11,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,3,6,60,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587723102282028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16040232272440216,0.0,0.18222362756341728,0.22174932296110295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20455622233544887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198733646994022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556275370172248,0.2156749646313004,0.0,0.1257070951917762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19947054998341468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17631604764445186,0.0,0.18625414718776725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20367501914930394,0.1869847583343928,0.11077736977019967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065058072569738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22491118842173147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21987793618573528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19536076839400512,0.0,0.1724978199406548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011042781276866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20729933534648814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286962956175277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139633211353245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487056492725873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005872468247344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945589145301527,0.0,0.0,0.2589920038682245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365925722752455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496870205589994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Rollercoasterrhymes,2020/02/09,"Emotional Responsibility Over the past few months, a friend has begun to show interest in me that I am fairly certain is romantic. However, whenever this person says anything that is at all sexual/indicative of how they feel, I stop engaging and essentially disappear UNTIL I see any hint of them “moving on” or reducing their interest, in which I shower them with attention and secure their infatuation for just a bit longer, despite my never returning these feelings. I’m so scared of abandonment even when I want it to happen, but if it turns out that this person is in deep with these feelings and ends up confessing this full-on i’m going to spiral into self-hatred. Feeling loved and beautiful makes me feel manically happy, but not when it’s demanded I return it. If this infatuation ends on their end my self-esteem (like always) will plummet to the ground bc I couldn’t maintain the affection. As well, I compare myself physically to people they have hooked up with before and am terrified that because they like me it means I am unattractive like these other people are (to my eyes and shitty standards, I’m sure to the world they are lovely people inside and out). My body dysmorphia has been coming in and out in extremes with this situation, I don’t know how it’s gotten this bad but I’m scared for my future. If I ever get into a relationship I am going to be the most manipulative partner that ever was, it’s all psychological torture to me. How do I even begin unpacking all of this while making sure I’m not being manipulative towards this other person",8.623424345847553,8.009990409556313,9.345406143344707,62.85167007963595,61.286689419795216,12.181934015927196,35.574288964732645,11.4731,4.28575149032992,1262,47,206,32,15,430,162,293,0.115,0.695,0.19,0.9497,2,0,0,1,0,0,27.0,0,0,9,0,12,20,1,2,8,0,20,4,2,8,9,60,46,24,0,5,10,0,5,3,2,1,0,1,1,4,26,18,0,3,9,1,0,5,5,5,1,0,3,8,32,15,38,39,6,43,1,1,2,2,19,20,0,5,21,160,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978039644361334,0.0,0.0,0.07993226732811083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672665947350764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981422632416584,0.07165222235196206,0.0,0.10001918000400743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832490176202715,0.1305621358754934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125161551571067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221839440166835,0.3123207075926851,0.0,0.0,0.15527013673858314,0.2126460765723704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971626325648968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081229025148874,0.0,0.06141059520180429,0.0,0.13360311423349286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394158192523864,0.1251251385020859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459774788674166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722745548514832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21217162997085545,0.0,0.15691976065236216,0.0,0.0,0.12803717865514974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382052344139674,0.1249280387242173,0.0,0.0,0.09065526989668664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220668523244964,0.2444654796827504,0.3078981762066724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619560862147516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347373805080694,0.2353591426110842,0.0,0.09366537687107893,0.0,0.2452428898072233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212159833067078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982699776399762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215629915819317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785142575354722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932903654381067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568394669178666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,amayamoore,2020/02/09,"I've been worse lately Lately I've just had a really hard time keeping my healthy mental habits. I'll recognize unhealthy or irrational thoughts and just either not have the emotional stamina or the will to fix it or something, and just kind of let myself have a destructive thought process. It's like I'm fatigued from holding onto control and I just let go and let my head scream at its self for whatever I'm mad about or for not keeping healthy mental habits. It's like I'm reverting back to how I thought before therapy because I'm so mentally exhausted. And I would usually chalk it up to lack of self care but I've been so lazy lately and going on walks and trying to take care of myself but I see myself slowly going back to how I was. And I dont have the stamina to care enough to change it.",5.335555555555559,5.674452432098768,5.9514567901234585,81.24755555555556,67.8888888888889,9.196049382716053,32.24938271604938,9.120678840339163,2.6858004938271614,642,26,126,11,10,209,88,162,0.145,0.722,0.132,0.1853,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,11,11,2,0,5,0,13,3,1,3,0,32,30,18,0,2,13,0,1,2,0,2,2,1,0,2,6,8,0,4,3,0,0,4,3,5,0,0,7,3,11,6,18,18,3,15,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,4,9,82,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17645389327711206,0.0,0.06994362176861621,0.0,0.09763414819771984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35095113038718856,0.0,0.12137828777961067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868916287730392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344728542188525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290655483574234,0.0,0.11855570667634673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19562587277100893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278330180017448,0.0,0.11775496658801465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20396998469067532,0.0,0.11948265724317672,0.0,0.0,0.3882906162030383,0.0,0.0,0.3519841588749235,0.0,0.1121110265610523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468887453854985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735045232252099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143185623057287,0.0,0.23939489052915805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833142558451297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086269192422185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312136565298906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732690372527033,0.0669050349656658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790001804921748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263684231085555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692849626650813,0.08150705158297397,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Teraxias,2020/02/09,"How to answer questions when asked? So my mom was a real bitch when I was a kid, i wont go into it but long story short i have a lot of trouble answering questions. Complex open questions are easy enough but simple questions and yes or no questions send a shiver down my spine and I fuckin freeze trying to answer and its really putting a strain on my relationship with my boyfriend as well as making it hard to function at work. How can I better remind myself that I'm not in trouble every time I'm asked something? Cause the less I answer the more likely it makes ""trouble"" will actually exists. It feels like a very circular thing and I'm really struggling with it. I'm trying so hard to work on my issues lately but this is honestly the biggest one. It's making my emotional walls go up higher all the time as I'm in the process of tearing them down. I'm bringing it up at therapy this week but I'm at the beginning of my healing/coping and could use advice from others in the mean time. I dont want to be so difficult to communicate with anymore",4.232279874213837,5.320073768867927,5.5069056603773605,80.75381761006291,70.74528301886792,7.917484276729557,28.28427672955975,8.238735603445708,1.9662537106918239,837,30,159,12,15,280,121,212,0.124,0.767,0.11,-0.2644,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,3,8,13,2,2,13,1,11,2,1,7,1,40,31,20,0,2,6,1,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,13,10,0,0,12,0,0,5,4,8,1,1,2,4,16,5,29,25,5,31,0,0,0,1,12,17,2,7,11,108,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.10872798748240747,0.0,0.0,0.10887647194391807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049681030459724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20832175508984935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985402498400993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445707405576425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895828187937868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058117635935562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253303592749566,0.0,0.1151246750271006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938745496108162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05633633606124095,0.07959710860990464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664294089268902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19961745494480349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629154279751115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256844630529736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886650555785383,0.0,0.0,0.09860150705951662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472367916281448,0.0,0.0,0.22311732874498497,0.0,0.0,0.12136696769023267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049152507929068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549978401156685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200595834549708,0.6240688224957878,0.0,0.0,0.12681818348735474,0.14275456806859158,0.0,0.0,0.11962133588918945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577509215021563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647838330168232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274163006624384,0.0,0.07402123083803812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19490635982103602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129114428889315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622945986919754,0.0,0.09193159618973447,0.0657172785794527,0.0,0.08937287436414214,0.0,0.10017824727351136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16222739881779188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,noordinarymind,2020/02/09,":( don’t know how to feel That moment when you’re on the phone with your fp & they’re talking about how they’re the most loyal lover, and especially to their partner...little does he know I’ve been dumb in love with his ass for four years :T Learning year after year how to hold space for him in my life without feeling crushed & worthless because he does not see me the way I see him. Is anyone else good friends with their fp that can give some naice advice? 😭",3.600766917293232,4.7957666105263215,3.4902255639097786,94.21157894736844,72.36842105263158,5.8496240601503775,24.09774436090225,5.288315135182226,0.17498496240601558,368,10,81,1,7,111,71,95,0.126,0.6940000000000001,0.18,0.7925,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,2,0,5,7,1,0,3,0,4,4,1,3,0,17,12,5,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,4,9,5,14,11,2,11,0,1,2,3,14,4,2,2,6,41,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895784060830661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4204063786047284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356520665460441,0.1987799641470456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826300191325935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33954831273408004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206539888159727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19618844373560027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988696377070834,0.0,0.0,0.18610625828827795,0.0,0.16272130147512498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132389849513936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703072109084807,0.0,0.19444291580766632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509613140767805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30919204682022644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593301924695338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539912984328625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18701287632887004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747965325091637 bpd,Fk2k,2020/02/09,"New hobby tips?! Hey guys, I just joined this subreddit today. I’ve been thinking about how I don’t feel like I have much to live for, and I wanted to pick up a hobby. I’ve been in a dark place for a few months now (the kind where you’re pessimistic and never see anything positive), and I was wondering what healthy things you guys do as a distraction or for fun? I want something to look forward to. Thought about picking up guitar again, but I moved out of the family home recently and I’m now in an apartment with neighbors & idk but that stresses me out??? Also, going back to therapy for the first time in 2(?) years tomorrow! Wish me luck Sorry if I used the wrong flair. Didn’t see a generic/non-urgent “tips” one",2.8669770114942525,4.540084979310347,3.852155172413795,88.96627873563222,75.06896551724137,7.040229885057474,25.186781609195403,7.793537801064563,1.2738850574712646,562,19,117,8,12,181,101,145,0.102,0.7709999999999999,0.126,0.5337,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,1,10,7,0,2,10,0,7,0,0,4,1,25,20,11,0,4,5,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,4,7,0,0,4,1,0,3,3,3,0,2,5,4,11,4,21,15,2,26,0,0,3,0,5,11,0,4,15,74,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13355828416838358,0.0,0.18095587154425105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743546032427378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284208113814764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744269202642808,0.0,0.08444555703676593,0.11931237714452272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205909667360755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491594977735028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307334227224502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752520848186442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739157975402278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159292338860559,0.0,0.14747338389714318,0.0,0.1402468073750276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333062352945651,0.1775057941929035,0.12277197778315745,0.0,0.1288088394336089,0.16129983916493426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317067744841618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17449048839051978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490277929542854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26617158613337777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857288817346876,0.0,0.18695464811001988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19131003174559846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19099113001078347,0.0,0.11095439475989732,0.1070136229972568,0.0,0.13258772905741284,0.0973852003628341,0.0,0.1583064824633203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442435009115234,0.0,0.0,0.19701431028633232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19205390131110672,0.0,0.18111582768662174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825998291595964,0.0,0.10754932472250577 bpd,Kiriegosh,2020/02/09,"Going down the rabbit hole... Again Idk if the small insignificant little thing can be a trigger to have an episode, but it just happened. Yesterday I bought a beautiful and expensive collar for my cat (basically my daughter) it was so pretty... Black with white polka dots and big cute bow on one side, and a small kitten figurine on the front. I put it on her this morning and she liked it! she never tried to remove it, and it had a special latch so the collar wouldn't be opened with her teeth or nails. Now, she usually goes out at night to wall around and always comes back before we go to bed. She entered and the collar was gone. And.... That was it. Something snapped in me. I went outside in my PJs, walked like two blocks looking for it at 9:30pm (and the area where I live isn't very safe at night) but I couldn't care less. Never found the collar. And yes, I know is stupid ""it's just a collar"" ""buy another"" ""get over it, it's not a big deal"" etcetera. My mind doesn't work that way, I can't. Someone saw my cat, saw the cute bow and collar and thought ""hey this will look so cute on my cat/dog"" or ""I can give this to my ****"" whatever.... I know that that's what happened and my blood is boiling. I had an attack, a pretty bad one (the first in a very long time) I cried, I screamed, I hit my head and pulled my hair and it still wasn't enough. I took out my razor and then... I could breathe. I... Don't feel like myself right now. My body is other person and I'm just watching how it's typing right now. This is surreal. I feel empty... Devoid of everything. I just want it to be over.... So sick.... And so tired...",0.37393310082434894,2.57877503313253,1.82098287888396,97.56831008243506,86.31927710843374,4.699556119213697,17.772986683576416,6.05967700443912,-0.4369108433734937,1229,30,282,10,38,394,176,332,0.09300000000000001,0.79,0.11699999999999999,0.8839,0,0,1,0,0,0,87.0,1,0,0,2,18,13,2,0,19,1,24,9,6,2,2,53,49,30,0,5,10,1,3,3,0,2,2,1,1,1,25,26,1,2,6,0,3,12,10,4,0,4,14,11,39,9,27,27,2,57,0,0,7,0,12,28,0,3,19,184,64,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418855397573457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129839557182427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146751540637592,0.0,0.1424496513122228,0.0,0.09628227622521238,0.10454893674306484,0.0,0.0,0.1065483776095919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908516100831406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766460046090233,0.0,0.0,0.10786126584038093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997364630769308,0.0,0.1375423268493707,0.0,0.12909072476271666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938012402322996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253478272014827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662449895996522,0.08945331469049299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650745030415944,0.0,0.13729131434344144,0.0,0.0,0.065419445415664,0.12011722637866495,0.14232465277757006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22145366358462304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850627446471316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762930738464355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18352054398071188,0.1254978953991911,0.110566760414501,0.11081095524686263,0.21029740743927888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643102225886493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19314639309909615,0.0,0.0,0.23501078562322625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696972680590698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933253382820764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25477646874018306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587522856129538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21386511930273708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609389984842243,0.096396294346859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999651831346001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318699726121348,0.0,0.0,0.09940638293631593,0.0730136234206547,0.1439157297967747,0.0,0.0,0.13911799585435042,0.08501247455033249,0.0,0.12231644168202074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790616000492234,0.2066302695557045,0.0738547982965184,0.09938949836685716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607516198149945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115769913822144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,emhe91,2020/02/09,3 day dissaccociated I can't spell. I'm back from 3 lost days. Cocktails and fancy food and sleep and drugs and what else? Get a message from the guy that he's not keen anymore. I'm so lost. I bought hair dye. Currently watching my family chat and be sober and happy and I don't even feel real. Rant over.,-0.2855381944444417,1.9960533281250008,1.9333333333333336,93.86722222222224,93.84375,4.719444444444443,16.48611111111111,6.42735559955562,-0.32211597222222244,239,6,54,3,9,80,49,64,0.15,0.789,0.061,-0.5283,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,2,0,3,4,2,0,0,10,10,8,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,7,2,0,1,2,1,0,3,2,0,0,3,3,4,2,3,6,0,5,0,2,1,0,4,1,0,0,4,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352343960606923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823888505686382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059432050380741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27507170506498313,0.0,0.19814656941712194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666552150310564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22360699422643834,0.0,0.11993327185741262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868179795802009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392496232942488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23486103290451635,0.0,0.2524992311893353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5178542479435166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699806331053955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373669979266924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,depressofairy,2020/02/09,How do you get over someone you know you'll never get? I'm really struggling with this.,1.3866666666666667,3.7778076666666682,2.9977777777777814,89.60000000000002,83.44444444444446,5.822222222222222,20.11111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.6025777777777783,70,2,14,1,2,23,15,18,0.171,0.8290000000000001,0.0,-0.4754,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5092653348718325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26784786567694063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3758926796761941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122241025380684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4129501946314927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5095088610261338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kimitrash,2020/02/09,"I don’t know what is going on I don’t know what is going on with me right now. I feel so sad and angry without any reasons. I feel like punching things and crying myself to sleep but nothing happened that could explain my emotions. I’m so fucking confuse, what is fucking wrong with me!?",1.837298850574712,4.1509631896551715,3.0317241379310365,90.54402298850576,80.89655172413794,3.8666666666666663,26.90804597701149,3.1291,0.5531632183908046,227,10,43,0,6,73,39,58,0.242,0.73,0.027999999999999997,-0.9211,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,1,0,0,6,3,1,1,0,14,17,5,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,0,2,8,1,6,16,0,6,0,1,0,2,1,3,2,1,2,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15888455478637314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18654410525454346,0.0,0.25664473833210016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628157742960733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23627280522600996,0.1669138734785453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4319964816856137,0.0,0.0,0.2655682371166284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066088266981378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568070381653692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141456671736052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22418577617621765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24022286310682886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19952896987821125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23381070823654765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522134628504686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22522252617058205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554508217083833,0.0,0.0 bpd,elysiaii,2020/02/09,"Dating when you have BPD I'm dating this girl at the moment (gay relationship fwiw) and while I love hanging out with her, I like her, and I think she likes me, I still pick up on most little details and perceive them negatively. e.g. I'll say something flirtatious but she won't respond exactly how I imagined she would, and I'll start to think ""oh she fucking hates me now and this is going to end soon"" Even when we text, I'll say something to her that might not even be an objectively risky thing to say, but if she doesn't respond within a few hours, I have a breakdown and start telling myself that it's done/over, she doesn't like me, that no one will like me, that I'll die alone etc etc. I do this even despite trying to remember the good things that happened that very same day; the things showing she clearly had an interest in me. e.g. we literally held hands during the film we watched, or her literally inviting me on another date. Trying to remember these things does not seem to help. Inevitably, she will eventually respond to me, or will keep giving me signs she likes me. I just wonder, am I really ready for a relationship? I've never been in a gay relationship before and the last time I dated somebody was a decade ago. What can I do to overcome this splitting (I'm guessing) I do, or at least manage it in a way that doesn't lead to a compete and total breakdown every time?",6.541311672683513,5.989039328519857,6.777342960288808,79.36353549939835,65.46209386281589,9.552731648616124,32.54608904933814,8.841846274778883,2.477644717208181,1102,39,221,15,15,356,152,277,0.07,0.792,0.13699999999999998,0.9529,0,1,2,0,0,0,36.0,3,1,1,2,10,10,2,0,14,0,21,5,1,3,4,45,38,18,1,2,9,0,1,5,0,6,0,3,0,1,19,13,0,2,8,2,0,3,9,2,0,1,4,5,40,8,22,27,7,36,0,0,1,4,32,11,1,9,26,154,59,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986793724746696,0.0,0.0,0.1152950098645854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672980160844156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472599361098327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020493477534193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179285215813426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553364925720334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741777968823444,0.1139200590309868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859738685725776,0.0,0.24830473987295204,0.2205794625603743,0.0,0.0937927653107432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291449437098056,0.0,0.10678927144443104,0.06326630424675668,0.09337079468924404,0.0,0.0,0.12263266015000795,0.0,0.09844081530133676,0.0,0.0,0.10990646592424194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461613691816503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962878631035963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894724245206506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074149368943876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27192915034800896,0.11157291274142712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047157187374407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809401625370305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585763767200888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543400796239648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131509954190612,0.0,0.0,0.35855136231469936,0.25221004255245755,0.0,0.0,0.2655808429855363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013424807876988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714007283317095,0.0,0.0,0.1575871897822574,0.0,0.08890111484934196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729948305373333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958269716674956,0.1426600365265011,0.0,0.0,0.12982437050335802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511593381668483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185150460708356,0.0,0.0883614485599656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072290363425632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790792626352753,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Dreamer1278,2020/02/09,"Happy Birthday to me Happy birthday to me.. fuck me and this illness, happy birthday to me. I just want to sleep, best would be 24 hours straight. No one will remember me. No one will care enough to reach out. I hate this day. I wish it would not exist. I wish I would not exist. But that does not matter, I can't do anything about that without hurting people. So fucking happy birthday to me, you are now 30 without anything to look back to and be proud of. God I hate myself. This is all.",0.2661771561771573,2.6455529292929327,1.8022222222222235,95.70538461538463,90.41414141414141,3.4501942501942504,20.746697746697755,4.713530739802397,-0.2794854700854699,376,13,78,1,13,121,58,99,0.151,0.5429999999999999,0.305,0.9575,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,2,5,12,4,0,0,0,11,4,1,0,1,19,20,4,0,6,7,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,5,0,2,0,1,15,7,13,13,3,6,0,1,1,2,1,2,2,0,4,62,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230249517171084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419816396091733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220848188146962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816059915030082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739218472482482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858496134467715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001716520206414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505520322028786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5770079960358264,0.0,0.2675744418496614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344920638186106,0.0,0.14506533673172325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379354851176547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183649000150128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394497528656702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535054393691684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560700279520868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992680152472298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116576461848309,0.2612519500608913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887854147193913,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wolfie360,2020/02/09,"Would I not be allowed to adopt a child if I applied? This would be a ways down the road for me, but having kids has been on my mind a lot recently. My partner and I have talked about adopting in the future, and I was game at first. Now, I’m questioning whether or not I would even be allowed to adopt with my BPD diagnosis. Is there stigma against people with BPD who want to adopt?",4.2368354430379735,4.506274455696205,4.761873417721521,89.06382278481014,70.26582278481013,7.838987341772152,28.458227848101266,7.554174236665415,1.3700511392405064,298,10,67,3,5,95,56,79,0.022000000000000002,0.88,0.098,0.5661,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,5,0,12,0,0,2,0,19,14,6,0,5,6,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,9,0,12,6,1,10,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,4,4,53,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5916967156738786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155149250810627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19980584087093547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19970360075548496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23718206231078956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16285010034134642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631417868755456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319354356784301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18880374186663434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855012052065713,0.18645270577991505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5005987134566285,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,crossfadednudes,2020/02/09,I hate myself That's it. That's all there is to me. I am a black hole of a person.,-5.123571428571426,-4.356909190476188,-0.6186904761904746,108.84910714285715,117.09523809523807,2.1,5.25,3.1291,-2.9557714285714285,61,0,19,0,4,23,17,21,0.209,0.7909999999999999,0.0,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7490768027292753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6624831647769521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,badluckclairee,2020/02/09,"I’m in a phase of arts and crafts I’ve been doing arts and crafts since my mother bought me a cricut for Christmas. I’ve been selling cake toppers and shadow boxes. I was just thinking today, I hope this isn’t just a phase and get tired of it. It’s a healthy phase 😃, just wondering how long it’s going to last.",2.493134328358209,3.492137716417912,3.725552238805971,92.21907462686569,74.82089552238807,5.957014925373135,22.35522388059701,5.6839178017228535,0.13145014925373122,245,6,55,1,5,80,45,67,0.048,0.86,0.09300000000000001,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,1,0,11,12,5,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,4,1,5,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19051532827201226,0.0,0.207239818167478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621811610361045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972395950156784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32270505169914565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016434414384866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336539203728934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4191131907574037,0.3456469299142004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3954489344001127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,FreezeWolfy,2020/02/09,"Addicted to restricting again and need advice/support I have not suffered anorexia since I was very young, and looking at me no one would know. I’ve always had ED thoughts creep up on me, but never been motivated enough to act on them. But that changed today. I have something called ARFID (avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder) and yesterday I didn’t eat anything other than a few chips. Last night I thought I’ll make up for it tomorrow, but I haven’t. I’ve only had a few pieces of chocolate early in the morning and water, and now I’m scared to start eating again. I fear that if I eat something after two days of barely eating I’ll binge or gain weight. It saddens me that my ED mindset never left. This is influenced by me being desperate to get in relationships so of course want to transform into the ideal partner. I get in relationships for validation as well, not long-term love (I only feel a connection like that to my FP, who is dating someone now). In past relationships I’ve been dumped for being too clingy and emotional or too distant, so I kind of feel hopeless there honestly. Ok I hope I didn’t get too off topic but my main concern is restricting eating. I know I’m going down a bad path and I don’t want to be in a psych ward again.",3.198299120234605,5.283594548387099,4.365234604105574,83.84398826979475,75.29032258064517,7.251026392961878,26.59530791788856,8.150884317080207,1.8051225806451607,1000,38,191,17,22,327,148,248,0.157,0.7190000000000001,0.124,-0.8926,0,1,2,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,1,3,12,14,1,2,7,1,18,10,0,3,2,36,38,17,0,7,9,0,3,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,9,8,8,2,7,0,0,2,9,6,1,2,9,4,23,8,31,25,5,35,0,2,1,1,8,14,0,4,20,126,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896526422217105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080296047807378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980277116562498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111704317651002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143154859672716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544260123670985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037831692000264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506976006953746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5583242323837688,0.0,0.12275393651521085,0.0,0.1127580510529569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279896399475645,0.11035645410047118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195760737839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17104410484359522,0.0,0.062019767661940776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838839590584123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363967153558388,0.119947423034425,0.08895361318983577,0.0,0.0,0.11856752884447518,0.0,0.0,0.05331426555062936,0.0,0.0,0.09657455071467726,0.0916397552690748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849197955259152,0.0,0.0728435647107627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809167818823443,0.1683319676664711,0.0,0.0,0.10240892240349583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394773099736825,0.16599301555304966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417470562955626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514868214665785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092558315395446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027153333846624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246351760621123,0.16802361817689085,0.0,0.0,0.07724112395339426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238367826068927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17327035488249126,0.0,0.0,0.10344026778202373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660187320056183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004175355197927,0.12873265008355422,0.0,0.0,0.1328880985080501,0.09811887779751173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752116318330378,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdthrowaway256,2020/02/09,"How do you deal with feeling empty? I’m having a day and could use a bit of a hand finding balance again. I started therapy late last year and have actually been doing really well but today I’ve been struck with a very hollow feeling. What do you do when the feeling hits?",2.567454545454545,4.6012217454545485,4.361818181818183,83.38272727272731,77.0,6.581818181818183,25.54545454545455,7.554174236665415,1.4685636363636363,216,8,41,3,5,73,42,55,0.07200000000000001,0.762,0.166,0.46,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,9,1,1,2,0,12,16,5,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,3,1,3,12,1,8,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,28,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.2511191000924401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809401066822164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054588170771921,0.0,0.0,0.16595797614822969,0.2652981919230468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3903446667720165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23519696275427124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097600832489056,0.29028192269787995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648535924260995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214105093321087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294281789816412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439208302302627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22225239263850485,0.0,0.21232600951951827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313725461738409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657134955487122 bpd,EmberSpiritttt,2020/02/10,"Is it a bpd thing to feel super disposable or just how I feel? I only speak to one person now and I've only known her a couple months properly. Ive been in love before and had a few relationships, few friendships where I talked to them every day for a year or two, but none of them have lasted. The issue isn't so much they don't last I'm sure I'm a huge part of that just there isn't a single person from my past who even wants to know me anymore. The woman who first broke my heart left me without us having a first fight and won't tell me why she left of even open my messages. The friend I basically grew up with said she didn't have time for me anymore and I just watch her live live through Snapchat. And the discord server I was active in for a year consistently, ignored by all of those I talked to daily for years. I know most of this is my fault but it fuels my abandonment issues and insecurity to know that no one will keep me in their heart and I don't know how to fix it or if anyone has advice for it. Its hard to know who you are when you don't have people with you watching you grow or change and strangers have a limited perspective. Lonely as fuck.",3.3589568944986894,4.0396790323886655,4.408454393903309,89.33461062157656,72.4412955465587,7.269254584424863,22.626577756608718,7.285733465282438,0.555896594427244,919,20,208,9,17,300,140,247,0.16399999999999998,0.767,0.068,-0.9776,0,2,0,0,1,0,13.0,1,4,4,4,12,12,2,1,13,0,21,4,2,2,2,40,35,20,0,2,11,0,3,0,1,2,0,2,0,3,13,11,0,4,8,0,0,2,10,8,0,5,5,7,33,4,29,28,8,24,0,3,2,2,29,9,1,6,13,149,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287821443082555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22911621629160106,0.08076955267183633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829327078475616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548489906400788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219770570385292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781321791276234,0.0,0.074496492341583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525908290251947,0.0,0.0973248981288175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681394352020115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196511028853024,0.0,0.0,0.08924525311960976,0.10679014151518122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034771860306127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27376752317041103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411316507601487,0.0,0.1026734872340052,0.0,0.0,0.3174153159855192,0.18831743792012487,0.0,0.0,0.2510109758539117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040006383023035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042552212322316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220157689178496,0.0,0.08491553245590619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654954017114842,0.17570606904339658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508959686806945,0.11027047107335984,0.08008234550952831,0.2017234348238836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401800464251728,0.0,0.0,0.1098795563578814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886987439094624,0.0,0.0,0.18569035521578725,0.1009636750213881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674187285636458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735670705526113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283966394807267,0.0,0.13894822120200173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813270976600687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423274435647076,0.0,0.0,0.1113506542845718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22316024403096954 bpd,maggotrism,2020/02/10,"DAE spend money like they're Kanye when they can't afford to spend anything at all? I feel like garbage every time I swipe my card on a purchase I know I shouldn't be making but I just CANNOT stop myself from doing it. It's compulsive - and I know frivolous spending is a symptom of BPD but I just don't know how to combat it. Every time I feel even slightly upset my first instinct is to go to the mall, go out for drinks, eat out, or shop online. I'm trying so hard to save money so that my SO and I can move in together but I just cannot save a dime to save my life. As soon as I get paid, I figure ""hey, I deserve to splurge on something, I worked hard"" which isn't really an issue, until I continue to use that excuse on myself to justify some crazy spending habits. I need money really bad and I'm broke as shit and there's no end in sight. God! Anyone have strategies to help me crack down on my budgeting?",1.5978177384943602,3.2540680259067365,3.4500822919841525,90.54803413593416,78.58549222797927,6.199207558671138,20.67936604693691,7.048011613610866,0.40875580615665896,711,18,155,8,17,239,117,193,0.152,0.7140000000000001,0.135,-0.6632,1,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,2,11,9,1,1,5,0,12,5,1,3,1,30,26,17,0,2,7,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,6,2,1,6,3,12,3,7,4,0,1,1,5,25,5,27,23,2,22,0,1,1,0,4,10,1,2,11,98,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256230613886425,0.0,0.14424339408044662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635440973324151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22076344547940285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17171110923436625,0.0,0.179358790894912,0.0,0.0,0.1552491634674043,0.0,0.0,0.11577310559682097,0.0,0.2953678351510105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17725721925414484,0.12522257497829065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490960645517212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915783997154866,0.0,0.19923531694005053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31403919257050456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748884232079135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829504449548608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889937000570766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380792726858475,0.17126933870995514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700310440777405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18629863182993586,0.0,0.12997050208228175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245822105306762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799260047138076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494181001838068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465448635169923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218668234524008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20441844921821134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190059977688052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513886743379966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760848331534852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DriveDriveGosling,2020/02/10,"How can I help my girlfriend feel supported My girlfriend has bpd and we’ve known about it since high school. we’re now in our early 20’s and she’s hitting a rough patch again. Mental illness isn’t anything new to me but her stuff is different than my stuff. She’s having a crisis and I feel completely helpless because I can’t identify with some of the things she’s feeling. And she can’t really describe it. I know there isn’t some sort of magical solution to make her not feel like shit but I thought if anyone would know any tips it would be you guys. Anything helps, thanks.",2.1642307692307696,4.533241769230774,2.9372863247863243,91.36951923076923,80.02564102564101,6.293162393162394,24.27991452991453,7.492282038375204,1.142294017094017,465,17,95,7,12,146,80,117,0.11900000000000001,0.727,0.154,0.3164,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,1,0,0,5,5,1,0,3,0,11,2,1,2,0,24,22,8,0,3,4,0,5,1,2,2,1,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,8,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,5,17,3,8,17,2,6,0,1,0,0,13,2,1,4,5,59,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699646891724005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029783262040762,0.0,0.2831566771928866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048770075649327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216684597815057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803858617852677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797503598337972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479643940190568,0.1229089500646895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703515540926577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306362132621503,0.1817749406391584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18910281555586408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405247457482695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484134326068507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17338084900406162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16616208939791013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021640348921877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411867927013305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660167372011296,0.1423173644501703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3939006236362501,0.0,0.19523457584930284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839587938458433,0.0,0.0,0.1142990232143582,0.0,0.0,0.1365844764803284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444315993169949,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cisheterpatriarchy,2020/02/10,"I FUCKING HATE EVERYONE i’m getting off my phone for the rest of this week. blocked all notifications on imessage, deleted all social media (besides reddit). Honestly my FP just pissed me off he didn’t even do anything wrong I’m just mad for no reason and I don’t want to talk to anyone. I’m going to have to deal with being extremely bored for the rest of this week haha , i’ll find something to occupy myself",1.9081165311653123,4.3995101097561005,3.792601626016261,84.09941734417345,82.04878048780489,6.083468834688348,23.74525745257453,7.3871296695380915,1.293743631436314,327,12,61,5,9,110,58,82,0.24100000000000002,0.6809999999999999,0.078,-0.9464,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,4,0,2,1,5,2,1,1,2,10,13,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,1,0,6,2,14,11,4,6,0,0,0,1,5,3,2,0,2,38,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18496303767591535,0.0,0.2176827213382817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272715144738541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471721907794846,0.0,0.0,0.252766349836691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417723742278707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445504316303616,0.13820414718440407,0.0,0.15033647209527368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611650948199173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719772375507873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696513933907748,0.0,0.20364537741487093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126163327125116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15602454819347245,0.0,0.42437430900485057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892181365244487,0.0,0.0 bpd,imdep,2020/02/10,Has anyone read Marsha Linehan's Memoir yet? I'm listening to it now as an audiobook and it's fascinating. I thought I'd like to talk about it if anyone else has read it and interested.,3.371491228070173,4.918563342105267,5.807894736842107,75.98359649122811,73.47368421052632,9.27719298245614,28.456140350877188,9.725611199111238,2.832077192982456,149,6,29,4,3,53,27,38,0.0,0.775,0.225,0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,17,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4605418687327619,0.3374312625154088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751078680858765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608910271660911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6588260575431729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646980835222222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614463979439369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Manlikebossdem,2020/02/10,"So I considered self harm Yeah... I’ve always felt most of the symptoms of specifically “quiet” bpd but never self harm. I kinda just really considered it today. Didn’t go through. I just hate myself so much, but I don’t even know who I hate.",1.0175000000000018,3.5302024166666683,3.2633333333333354,85.915,87.33333333333334,6.533333333333335,18.416666666666664,7.793537801064563,0.9055166666666664,188,5,37,4,6,64,34,48,0.32899999999999996,0.6709999999999999,0.0,-0.9619,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,9,7,4,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,2,6,0,3,5,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20777068737940416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144888392079371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492472071894318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397514862835028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191045853999373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4930547836329143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372287775753109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835584820458421,0.0,0.1925842970639467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996443284161035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5209838280474992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595342635891474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366867272457527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,OrdinaryWelcome,2020/02/10,"I started DBT today- if you need a push to start it, here it is. As the title says, I (21F) started DBT today. I haven’t had the best luck with therapists in the past, so I was super nervous about being held accountable for my actions and all that, but it went so well. My therapist was absolutely amazing. She’s even going to go through the workbook with me so that I don’t feel like I’m doing everything alone, and because she said it’s a good reminder for her too. She was so understanding and knew exactly how my brain is working. She shared some of her life with me too, which made me feel really welcome and I opened up a lot quicker. My therapist wasn’t scary, she was warm and kind and understanding. I think DBT is going to help a lot, and I think I found the perfect match of a therapist for me. Do your research, and take charge of your mental health. There are people who are here to help you, and who know your brain probably better than you do. There are also a tooooon of places that accommodate people who are low income and uninsured. If you find yourself the opportunity to start DBT, take it. If anyone has any other questions about my first day, how I pay for therapy as a broke college student, or my other experiences with therapy and treatment, please reach out! TLDR; started DBT, it was amazing.",4.713830523130135,5.852248322957197,5.451485084306097,81.40842520536103,69.6614785992218,8.357025507998271,29.452875054042373,8.680891452615391,2.2029448335495023,1037,39,201,17,18,337,139,257,0.055999999999999994,0.713,0.231,0.9949,1,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,7,0,7,18,18,0,1,13,0,21,4,2,3,3,45,46,25,0,4,5,0,3,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,15,17,0,1,11,0,2,6,3,3,1,1,13,5,34,15,26,32,5,22,0,2,0,0,24,6,0,9,11,146,49,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700721553526843,0.0,0.08262408274372775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026039133504977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224297344090773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629822392227372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842680569245017,0.09137716621936154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306761121351934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663213970665423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682411555093153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285636049334887,0.10106570433394152,0.0,0.0,0.10448227506650773,0.07381103900010673,0.0,0.0,0.09443159795360356,0.08788299903030587,0.0,0.11328383517639128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17615552648646032,0.08665898692186351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098231536304872,0.0,0.0,0.1385049544640133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075907296644263,0.056781362491004725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297719081186578,0.05047639309938567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567605906855996,0.0,0.09776283628810642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041211449693034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660965125275451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986295757441639,0.14325662501156244,0.0,0.10794625462989173,0.1134131202716818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139524323676048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574080767616075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661887295604796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827992862499874,0.08216333196255965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656482271529555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155365901201427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363083207842625,0.4798448000844159,0.0,0.13240515174759218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586846278179715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151172261869651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289609441350208,0.09577765047169033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521738584569578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Louis172003,2020/02/10,I think i have bpd and im 17! Ive been reaching it for a while and waching YouTube videos and ive took online tests and they all say i have bpd. Im anxious about telling my mom about it.,-1.9641085271317813,-0.10185713953488218,0.10267441860465176,107.09106589147288,97.13953488372091,2.8666666666666667,18.794573643410853,3.1291,-1.1344077519379847,145,5,39,0,6,47,28,43,0.062,0.89,0.049,-0.126,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,6,7,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,7,0,3,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,22,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764350174533948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6163680504622947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5286238738735627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865831186533872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945908046358784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21387368703147144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567902883261849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27186447690342874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,afluffyfluff,2020/02/10,It’s my choice to never forgive anyone. I don’t want to. I don’t have to. I will never be ready to. I don’t care if they have earned forgiveness. I want to hear “sorry” again and again so I can keep rejecting the apology. I don’t forgive them and I don’t forgive Jesus for leading me astray with his inbred level IQ garbage advice. I want more revenge than I deserve.,0.4032323232323236,2.656750766233767,2.6116017316017337,91.57708513708515,86.79220779220779,4.9806637806637815,21.542568542568546,6.42735559955562,0.4457486291486292,287,10,60,3,9,97,48,77,0.213,0.647,0.14,-0.7513,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,2,3,6,0,0,1,0,10,0,0,1,2,15,16,4,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,0,1,15,5,8,14,1,6,1,1,0,0,9,1,0,1,4,44,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906035484324255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20794020112817674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30320629811288496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33517723976823205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643316061525605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4587270287456715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329008731652508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5262204223061617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Keazeon,2020/02/10,"Making a BPD person comfortable Hi, Since i'm interested in psychology etc. I knew something about BPD before, but now I've met a girl who is diagnosed with BPD and I must say I respect all of you for living with this ""condition"", but the thing is she sometimes (usually at crowded+loud places) gets anxious and looks terrified and as I observed she either gets out of it on her own (after zoning out for a few minutes) or her favourite person can get her out of it, but idk what to do when there is no FP around (since i'm not one), because I don't want her to panic/be anxious, she even sometimes needs to leave events earlier, because of that. I know that u're individual human beings and act differently and have different personalities, but I'm just giving it a try if anyone has some experience with the same situations.. So, what makes you comfortable except your FP? EDIT: Maybe it's not FP, but ""just"" BF.",7.643593650793647,6.835352280000002,8.176190476190474,71.07603174603175,63.34285714285714,11.206349206349206,34.87301587301587,10.504223727775694,3.5318825396825404,719,27,134,15,9,240,115,175,0.098,0.815,0.08800000000000001,0.0431,2,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,3,0,0,9,4,0,0,6,0,10,1,0,2,2,35,25,15,0,4,13,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,5,11,12,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,2,16,4,23,21,7,14,0,0,1,0,21,8,0,3,5,96,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28712504505570885,0.0,0.0888562351045655,0.0,0.0,0.1131267985266007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493173631246387,0.0,0.10813443542931092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4801527296276492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898199262210303,0.0,0.2655399500657772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172610831009713,0.08393414430405187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430714791454155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991797985524073,0.12190526736488162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983901485153042,0.0,0.0,0.13455777248881132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221263507623427,0.0,0.1067139262740262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965175804446614,0.0,0.12766742396569947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422709031434896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611167381028237,0.0,0.0,0.1490992277175609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328801081201527,0.1327699750328886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105791600357374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102412806546475,0.14284154742053318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783123028742284,0.25136775249080257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442530224966234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627795322827418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399590034960234,0.0,0.07495418603934423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kerrbop,2020/02/10,"I'm really trying to get my life together! I've made an appointment with my college counsellor and hope to make it a regular thing until I finish college. I also have a GP appointment later in the week to discuss options for mood stabilizers or antidepressants to try to keep my mood swings and impulsiveness created from mood swings, under better control as it's been causing chaos. I've been doing DBT workbooks a lot and listening to BPD audiobooks to also keep me in the right mindset. BPD isn't gonna ruin my life anymore..... hopefully!",7.365577557755778,7.882079237623763,8.382920792079211,64.94322607260726,63.55445544554457,11.881848184818482,37.62541254125411,11.538034831475384,4.892899669966996,437,21,69,13,6,149,70,101,0.036000000000000004,0.825,0.139,0.8575,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,6,0,5,2,0,4,0,15,15,8,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,7,3,15,11,1,8,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,5,4,43,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996537903758359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858047861299513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569935363980234,0.0,0.0,0.4719315113221249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19246412731161408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101333986643023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788471204627837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721695149483042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330576184524736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646672872070857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928163808323625,0.0,0.17727884824141835,0.12506022401632824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002374510151208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999925929270362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446964692486885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544020830145524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028404676363352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,madcycleofhatenlove,2020/02/10,"My friend has just told me that I’m not in control anymore It’s painful to admit but she’s right. Last night I vented to her about my depersonalisation and derealisation, rather horrific thoughts and the fact that next morning I would forget about the messages. And I almost did. I can easily joke about me being an emotional mess. I’m so tired of this fucking rollercoaster. I want to be in a state of content happiness at least for one day. 24 hours, that’s enough. I wanna leave it. I wanna stop this circle of hate, emptiness, depression, sadness, mild sociopathy, hyperactivity and risky behaviours.",3.5247692307692304,6.5738618545454575,4.65909090909091,76.73017482517484,80.45454545454545,7.384615384615384,26.643356643356647,8.384062270229773,2.3655874125874132,484,20,83,11,13,158,81,110,0.305,0.5660000000000001,0.128,-0.9806,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,6,9,2,0,4,0,6,3,0,1,1,19,14,6,0,5,4,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,6,0,1,3,0,13,3,15,8,2,11,0,2,0,1,6,4,1,1,6,57,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21447589007053106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124145130024468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24022730777025805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813196112655898,0.0,0.1844777010402926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24092991604395644,0.0,0.22131092936561536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547922522476574,0.19801109035895972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280045015727069,0.0,0.21146388842673616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109296231276512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17458981085285236,0.0,0.2267915723271449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22778876313988605,0.20099863008278307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513767237622835,0.0,0.2279085272373384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829132900787713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906871104874192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003940256356773,0.0,0.2461747826577779,0.0,0.20466347249335032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633218720812062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521512699926236,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pink-strawberry_,2020/02/10,"I'm going to stay alone forever. I feel like I have all the symptoms of bpd and I need to protect people from myself. I need to be alone forever. All my dreams of romance, having a soulmate and marriage and all that bullshit will never come true because I'm mentally fucked. I need to kill my dreams and stay away from men to save them from me. Rant over.",1.3212499999999991,3.6961430694444464,2.6700000000000017,91.95000000000003,83.58333333333334,5.266666666666668,22.88888888888889,6.6274283507984215,0.6486888888888886,279,10,57,3,8,90,46,72,0.233,0.539,0.228,-0.1109,0,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,5,15,13,4,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,1,2,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,10,4,12,11,3,7,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,2,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4233200117784594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19200719043737774,0.0,0.0,0.12457871236176345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573899543015981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604193521780112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033328399644619,0.14599805135854255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18893170233675294,0.0,0.0,0.11614506425894801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260990582874867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984217986834512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20595136549583906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45460109827786793,0.15761851372957594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168062378758364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4356507658616552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21241298232762093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Veryaburneraccount,2020/02/10,"Just lost a client and am feeling deep self-hatred I'm a freelancer with several clients, but one is my ""anchor,"" meaning that I rely on my income from them. They laid me off this morning without notice, probably because of California's new freelancer laws. The new law is that you have to hire anybody who writes more than 35 pieces for you per year, and I was getting close to that. Also, they're well-known for being a crappy company that does stuff like this all the time. I'm having a lot of sad abandonment feelings. I'm worried that I'm not good enough to land any other clients, even though I still have two other clients. I'm worried that I won't be able to find other work, even though I've held other jobs in the past. Because I'm very sensitive and shy, it's harder for me to find work/clients than it is for the average person. I've sometimes taken jobs in dysfunctional workplaces (or said yes to lousy clients) simply because I didn't have the social skills to get hired at healthier companies. I'm working on this shyness, but it's difficult, and part of me feels like I am just naturally inferior. I'm scared that I'll never be able to find quality work because I'm not strong enough to overcome my challenges. IDK, advice? Am I catastrophizing?",6.5746674378253305,6.470079344129559,6.7214835164835165,78.29673076923079,65.2753036437247,9.486292654713706,34.242047426257955,9.04235418022936,2.8742784268363217,1006,41,191,15,14,323,142,247,0.2,0.736,0.065,-0.9902,3,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,2,2,7,8,11,0,1,9,1,16,0,0,0,2,29,35,10,0,0,8,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,19,6,0,2,7,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,6,4,17,5,27,25,7,16,0,4,0,0,9,9,0,2,9,115,36,8,0.2267100245390861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076920606818676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064996235791564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708529545228973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764006534253128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919773512302477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342520587584541,0.0,0.14973983305490196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194710042152891,0.08098084341476396,0.0,0.0,0.3108132828454965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844663071047988,0.0,0.0,0.09507680619956264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22497471742438369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075906642412964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374038634961684,0.0963703778179664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12347683952208854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742637357711397,0.21895795441943047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290554327808374,0.0,0.0,0.07681228996461807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275243192260915,0.1082101855982706,0.0,0.09897722440711797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221587545587324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782657470495292,0.0,0.11348814222358812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182539996067064,0.128058898643134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555115987549645,0.0,0.0,0.1121110056147366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052545922509574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976436909954991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222741448039986,0.0,0.06609821923123188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073137585985457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352975661962447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191976942001947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927018674479352,0.0,0.3300951959356305,0.23023503468591475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729969114115221 bpd,BasilMouseDetective,2020/02/10,"I think about death more often than usual I know it's fairly common in people with BPD (I was diagnosed back in 2016, even though I don't really believe it, I think I'm just sad sometimes, but I can't trust myself, so I have to trust doctors), but it's really stressing me out. I stopped medications out of the blue like four months ago as they gave me brain fog and I couldn't create anything (I've written all my life and for a year it was an herculean task to write two sentences together) and they made my hair fell out - and then writing was easier, all my ideas came back, but so did the mood swings. They're pretty strong, but right now I'm in a down. I stopped seeing my psychiatrist because it was too hard for me to trust him and I didn't feel like talking to him. I don't know what to do; in a year I changed a lot of meds, so the problem isn't a particular pill. And back it went even the dear old guilt for existing; I'm 31 and I'm unemployed and my family loves me too much for their own good and I feel like they would be much happier without me. They would mourn me a bit but then their life would be much easier. I don't really want to die, it scares me, but I think about it so often it's frightening. I feel overwhelmed by the simplest task and I don't want to talk about it with my friends, and I feel jealous because I'm not the FP of my FP, and I don't want to weight on them because they have a lot of problems too, so I feel cornered. I'm stupid and without any talents and I have this gigantic hole inside me I don't know how to fill. I'd like to give so much to the world, I'd like to be able to ease people's pain, but everything is too big and too loud and I feel like a stupid child. I constantly think I'd be better off dead, and I'm scared that one day I will muster up the courage. I don't really want to die but everything feels so miserable, I can't think of the future, I can't feel any hope, I can't think 'one day at a time', I'm scared and stupid and worthless. I don't know what I want people to say, I just needed a place to vent and maybe a word of reassurance because I'm weak and pathetic. I know everything is just temporary, but I can't see the light.",4.016121157323688,3.6511401329113937,5.152227245328515,88.27528481012659,70.66666666666667,8.881133212778783,26.84418324291741,8.527137837955566,1.44049933694997,1709,47,409,25,28,568,194,474,0.244,0.619,0.136,-0.9957,2,0,0,0,0,3,45.0,0,0,8,2,28,38,4,7,22,0,35,12,2,2,2,88,79,42,5,13,15,0,11,6,1,4,8,2,0,1,14,27,1,2,20,0,0,4,19,18,0,4,11,17,61,19,48,59,11,41,0,5,3,1,21,17,0,5,26,252,75,2,0.07335728839476194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502681003644926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977094327408773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060366797902837714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692216801011757,0.0,0.17887168851085028,0.0,0.0,0.082648543475862,0.0,0.06487856026835738,0.0800871595559598,0.0,0.09239093673958272,0.08189099456042465,0.0,0.0839011953189955,0.0,0.0,0.07760228429233515,0.0,0.0,0.07927316810059419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461876463513688,0.0,0.0,0.07445610356189357,0.15226656746311207,0.0,0.0,0.07508429308650047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969035942713522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977864021118518,0.0,0.0691547228671046,0.0,0.2967331932182949,0.15721938446009165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667565904317137,0.0,0.0,0.07037099541680163,0.0,0.06152861309255207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571372156183836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286033944980595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281144951785414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015762362146624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362884445194892,0.21503199413950966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473148662353772,0.06620781683603114,0.06941243998415368,0.0,0.0,0.07369725608225225,0.0,0.08148341018969478,0.07389975047956585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05855308772734425,0.0,0.2157041902717318,0.05439349983788983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697613414617123,0.0,0.09941759423567273,0.0,0.07805732692541985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257012168678086,0.0,0.07664275306958425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463073471869988,0.0,0.14038603575117814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879782294656319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264672347171257,0.0,0.05833666007747669,0.2203303288967588,0.0,0.11691252250095945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255223396342686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265995563991546,0.0840305260077939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792361937402455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820263301952892,0.0720731633925569,0.0,0.04277522478667209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165941153078292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079268932718894,0.0,0.21634014658517914,0.0,0.0,0.08932941469626443,0.0,0.06800294127716762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142761650321906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563327388566395,0.0,0.0,0.09447937722610424 bpd,worriedsquishy,2020/02/10,"Hey reddit, it's been a while. I don't remember the last time I posted here (I always delete them an hour or day or week later). But a lot has been happening and I guess strangers on the internet is the best to turn to when you're too scared to vocalize your thoughts to loved ones in fear they will think you're insane. In the last year I have been hospitalized about 6 times I believe for OD'ing on my meds. Sometimes out of wanting to die, sometimes just because I want to escape life and forget a few days. My meds were limited to pick up once a week and my family and boyfriend have traded off whoever sees me daily to give me my pills as I can't even be trusted with a weeks worth (not enough to die but enough to lose memory of two or three days). Anyways after months of that, I was slowly gaining their trust again. Got to keep three days at time to myself and eventually the whole weeks worth. Until now. I'm proud to say when I decided to self harm I didn't reach for the pills this time. But what I did isn't any better. I slit my wrist down the middle. I could see the fatty tissue in my arm and it was gaping open. I got 15 stitches and then they sent me home about 20 minutes later. I'm upset because my boyfriend kept asking the doctor, ""can we get her blood retested to see if there's anything we're missing"" (it's been a few years), ""can we get her reevaluated?"" Etc. And all the doctor said is ""Well BPD is really hard to deal with/treat"" and wouldn't even allow the option of blood tests. Like this label that was given to me in the span of 10 minutes with a psychiatrist 2 years ago has ruined my ability to maybe find out if there's anything else going on. In conjunction with BPD, or maybe not BPD at all. And I don't know if my self harm thoughts are normal for BPD. I know a lot of people with BPD experience thoughts of wanting to harm themselves, but a lot of the time my thoughts aren't so much ""I hate myself and want to hurt myself"" or ""I'm numb and need to snap back to reality"". Those are there some times, but in instances like this one it was all of these intrusive thoughts about how much it would hurt, how far I could go, what it would look like, how much I would bleed, etc. Not about wanting to die. Not even really wanting to ""hurt myself"". But just these obsessive, intrusive thoughts of slicing my arm open out of pure curiosity. I don't know how to explain this to anyone without sounding... well, as insane as I probably do right now. Is there anyone else that experiences these types of thoughts? Are they normal for people with BPD? Or am I really in need of a reevaluation? Sorry for the graphicness of this post and if it triggers anyone. I'm just searching for some sort of answers. Or a direction to go in.",3.7585431654676253,4.839174422661873,4.517330935251799,87.43297482014391,71.85971223021582,7.6463309352517985,25.05107913669065,7.993328176185818,1.2110044604316546,2153,62,458,29,40,692,247,556,0.153,0.778,0.069,-0.9942,0,0,0,0,0,4,68.0,2,1,5,6,30,26,1,4,26,0,40,13,5,7,4,105,88,43,3,20,25,0,1,3,0,5,7,3,1,2,21,25,0,3,16,0,3,4,13,15,2,5,24,8,52,11,82,56,19,65,0,6,4,1,21,25,0,19,37,307,73,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051370542115787836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04822032227458931,0.0,0.0,0.039409033293502635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156318907951075,0.0593781993942167,0.09537835647557498,0.0,0.054176865436911636,0.0,0.0,0.04456115582515969,0.0,0.07065343973368972,0.0,0.0,0.06529153869081786,0.060816564130212886,0.05125342625309748,0.0,0.0,0.437927602867568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253917556136768,0.0,0.0,0.1494957919943669,0.05974549135376477,0.0,0.0,0.18043364219248487,0.0,0.0,0.11863171015377227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968221481575086,0.0,0.0,0.1197588609931084,0.1292625680252223,0.11482933349869273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133754489904386,0.054631552763528664,0.06521159208506963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052966656134403683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06055457381053419,0.055592396148026,0.0988055841453346,0.0,0.09269827832003996,0.0,0.06384015296230401,0.0,0.051246353939349405,0.0,0.051913195483299486,0.057215146336768136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813011800421861,0.0,0.05707059178659304,0.0,0.18611496102818675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05150998996198164,0.0,0.0,0.09554594967401607,0.09447647682233436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04093288533871891,0.08493658311851503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04866469671224337,0.0648329479391132,0.0,0.14780497651278793,0.05230352590359697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644021889646007,0.0,0.12874218964582304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04625636498885532,0.0,0.12780314594120645,0.08594066271069366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356040653370053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061716496966194835,0.07853892431246813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035259976952543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100310883176948,0.0,0.06248155989511765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137571812537077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564779592762121,0.0494902970746349,0.0551251837012401,0.04608538926828236,0.05801959957558026,0.0,0.13853961906555354,0.0,0.12091218643573648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463110641052825,0.06487200257535637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03713300576828072,0.0,0.3220493371776461,0.2027520481337777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303463247778245,0.056610232240690485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20508791260577425,0.0,0.18594091379646085,0.0,0.10421078528071863,0.0,0.0,0.06470082295400531,0.0,0.05586321492505751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350133031298825,0.0,0.0,0.1119566719668357 bpd,paper_ringsxo,2020/02/10,"Just want to vent I guess I used to be so social. I used to have no problem making or sustaining friendships and the last few years have just been so hard for me. My closest friend and I recently fell out and he’s been ignoring all of my messages and texts. He promised he would never abandon me but I feel so abandoned right now. I’ve cried, I’ve been on the cusp of harming myself but have managed to not because of my job. My job is killing me too. Co workers have been bullying to me and I just don’t feel welcome anywhere I go. I feel like nobody likes or cares about me and I’m not special to anyone. I don’t know where to find support at the moment. I feel so alone. I’ve been struggling to get out of bed or leave the house.",0.2873620071684613,2.4997352451612933,1.852204301075268,97.12052867383514,86.87096774193549,4.476702508960575,22.159498207885303,5.82211442006289,0.09987455197132622,573,21,129,4,18,185,89,155,0.233,0.621,0.146,-0.9589,2,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,11,15,1,1,4,0,14,0,0,3,2,36,29,15,1,3,10,0,5,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,8,0,3,6,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,5,5,20,8,18,22,2,15,0,2,0,0,7,7,0,4,8,83,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17843015351676753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046220226448574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105020306874903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17565097183216602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892415226454908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484398371949721,0.1230768874242918,0.0,0.0,0.15746082575283682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331031233529207,0.0,0.0900092047638677,0.0,0.09791071090106897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897858754028928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15432906709319885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19878802316445635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419226918635006,0.0,0.1906023271176979,0.0,0.09468059864450884,0.14043121786765786,0.0,0.1824196758587739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833464032577586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149982573987542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287297939777695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164848721206604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701057450117866,0.0,0.0,0.14712620378282731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17561779423440782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18010449273028986,0.0,0.0,0.1955013357488378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975892618729588,0.0,0.0,0.10161522495991343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238278992800615,0.0,0.0,0.11094269050893776 bpd,Salsepareil,2020/02/10,"DAE extrapolate versions of themselves constantly? When I walk a certain way, dress a certain way, talk a certain way or feel or act or anything really as small as it can be I often find myself extrapolating on this detail. I make up a version of me which always behaves like that, whose personality is much simpler much flatter and has that particular thing as a main characteristic as if I did a roleplay character. It make me feel like I'm a weird mix of all these ""me"" that I could be in a different world. Fortunately it's mostly about positive or neutral details and rarely about things I hate in me (or perhaps I make the distinction and when it's about negative things I consider it differently).",11.894545454545458,8.201465424242429,11.780242424242427,57.62536363636366,57.63636363636364,15.105454545454547,47.61212121212121,13.023866798666859,6.0614284848484825,564,28,98,15,5,191,81,132,0.042,0.807,0.151,0.8979,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,8,1,0,9,0,7,0,0,3,5,23,14,15,0,2,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,15,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,2,13,6,14,10,7,14,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,8,5,76,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327055707990606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158229083509112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19905658143047653,0.0,0.14707005595315514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38490310865568267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18627581202516647,0.13159371977126375,0.0,0.0,0.1683570019742058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818610274420752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998327671759518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688681630242908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27081886434281505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083780537648934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800431544914465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805433606939505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671262415735311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4386321683510976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,defyer13,2020/02/10,"I dont know When your one goal is to find true love, you're 17, you've been dating your fp on and off for a year and a half now and you guys dont fight much anymore and you convince yourself you guys aren't toxic and that the little fights are because you are kids and that you're making progress but you dont know...so you freak out....is this your soulmate or do you just have a fp and are a naive 17 year old....help",0.7915322580645174,2.1386958279569903,1.885685483870969,102.24852822580648,79.96774193548387,4.65,18.076612903225808,3.1291,-1.0480741935483873,324,6,84,0,8,102,57,93,0.048,0.7559999999999999,0.19699999999999998,0.9118,0,0,0,0,2,0,13.0,0,10,0,2,3,6,2,0,5,0,11,1,0,1,1,14,14,10,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,1,0,11,3,4,13,1,8,0,0,0,1,16,3,0,1,5,49,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19391454358167093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191940870204418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6874838054857936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787120979321704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.387213526282514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106053229357106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149178163690552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959737656945856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647466398034625,0.0,0.13051868450464316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437380294219291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20517724427606945,0.0,0.1324970930541748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518315381149277 bpd,carbeean,2020/02/10,"Should I go to the hospital for help with a meltdown??? Hi. I have what I think is BPD and I’m very new to what it is and what it means. I’ve had so many problems with dealing with my emotions and my relationships. My anger is horrible when things happen and everything pushes me over the edge. I’ve felt so overwhelmed the past few days and just this weekend I’ve had 3 meltdowns. I feel like I can’t escape my head. I don’t know what’s going on or what to do. Every time I think of doing literally anything I’m afraid of what is gonna happen but not doing anything is freaking me out just as much. I feel like I’m going insane, like every thought is a mess or tangled wires or a clump of wet paper and I can’t separate it. It feels like I can’t do anything anymore. I feel like I can’t separate my thoughts. I feel like doing anything like getting up and getting dressed will trigger it. I’m not suicidal or want to self harm but I feel like I’m going insane and can’t function without breaking down crying and freaking out. Should I go to the hospital???? I don’t know what to do. Doing anything is freaking me out.",1.1376923076923084,3.2517357820512838,3.0381410256410284,90.64644230769231,82.2051282051282,5.438461538461539,24.70726495726496,6.6274283507984215,0.8541316239316248,879,35,185,9,24,294,105,234,0.139,0.705,0.156,0.4699,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,6,17,1,2,7,0,27,1,1,1,0,45,57,19,1,4,11,0,8,8,0,4,0,0,0,1,14,15,0,0,14,1,0,6,10,9,0,0,5,8,24,8,22,48,2,20,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,4,14,118,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832540030183383,0.0,0.0,0.4079402719029792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486991248261856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890635003596838,0.06394045388080337,0.1022143508797968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152500883702024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670682193122788,0.0,0.08910531556997713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007847618129673,0.4249761171582958,0.09519494295949928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359855303887244,0.0,0.28173251843987945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534755122695445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175158170763714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664549397044547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897522143605104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38749870548950816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005176744244787,0.0,0.10799819151942856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288313202539919,0.0,0.0,0.09575505490591124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464531481229206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948685694541782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644484400519674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343006953282836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844876020476636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658676674278781,0.12705648559642801,0.0,0.1574204331693181,0.05781236519542408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180517583109005,0.05847840951480366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557243772275917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,spoopylittlebaby,2020/02/10,"I have being obsessive My boyfriend is in a band, this girl that keeps coming to his shows makes me uncomfortable. They work together. My brain won’t stop shoving it down my throat. For the past week it’s been torturing me. I’m scared to go to his shows now because it’ll just get stronger being around her. But if I don’t go I know I’ll cry at home while my brain imagines things. It hurts so much that my brain keeps obsessing. I don’t think he’d cheat on me but my brain keeps imagining it happening and reminding me that I’ll never know people’s true intentions because I can’t see in their head. And reminding me that I didn’t think my exes would cheat either and they did. It’s telling me I’m not good enough for anyone, that she or someone else will make him happier. It’s comparing me to her. It’s making me hate myself more. I want to be with him so bad but how can I be with anyone when my brain just tortures me about them. I feel like I’m better off alone forever, isolated in a box. I can’t handle being around people. All I want is to feel good enough for someone but it feels like it’ll never happen. What’s the point of being alive if the one thing I want in life might not ever happen because my brain won’t let it",2.123475524475527,3.722483361538466,3.4060139860139884,91.69262237762241,76.92307692307692,6.881118881118883,21.433566433566433,7.686295010490155,0.6482692307692308,974,25,218,14,22,317,135,260,0.188,0.718,0.094,-0.975,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,4,2,11,16,5,3,5,0,26,9,8,5,5,48,54,15,0,6,12,0,3,2,0,7,1,0,1,1,20,8,0,4,9,3,0,3,11,10,0,1,3,4,43,6,23,36,6,23,0,1,1,0,15,11,0,4,11,144,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422913524175204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723240915255762,0.0,0.0,0.1619852011433677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596554245382367,0.16638397442250008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046552104567553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6093909777588209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837228980584672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993862965006817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600315890866598,0.0,0.0,0.1880159016503744,0.0,0.0,0.08229774830911303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380085592129486,0.1299940446349237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04753394738238577,0.0,0.10341348070684613,0.1526215098248611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24136325351546525,0.0,0.0,0.08982514727811762,0.093373009353722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126161069814086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739730855309456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242604942792359,0.0,0.0,0.1000018299441196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303449106022776,0.06426274665849986,0.08889768504087861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18219207015323316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651672732307863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688168630036508,0.0,0.1403406957722656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06165124879614942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685189671691176,0.12614988461261634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600668784895414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108810185013487,0.0,0.07250027590695599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417623371596212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760643978625632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952162160696451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088779798082475,0.11659422113097108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16098929334501091,0.0,0.0729796698783481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623543270359274,0.0,0.0,0.06463046876381984,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,OldSnacks,2020/02/10,"It's a day where I'm annoyed by everything and fucking hate everyone But I'm at work and can't smoke weed which is how I usually de-escalate from this mood. Any coping methods anyone can suggest so I can get through the rest of the day without exploding on anyone or rage quitting? I have 4 hours left but realistically this mood is starting to happen every weekday. Realistically I know it's mostly my shitty company that treats us like crap, but it's the only one that pays enough for me to support my boyfriend and I, so I can't quit.",5.080674603174604,5.746462861111118,6.488253968253972,76.02500000000002,68.53703703703704,9.134391534391536,33.02116402116402,9.23628265651192,2.9066941798941803,431,19,83,8,7,147,77,108,0.138,0.799,0.063,-0.7962,0,0,2,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,3,4,10,5,0,4,0,7,2,1,1,0,11,16,10,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,10,3,10,16,3,9,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,2,6,54,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703542157549406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818044742771996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599178052292899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20821629753472426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978298655872615,0.19255384542154555,0.18110645648829987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18629507464244568,0.10528197290009438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781968530916371,0.0,0.0,0.19895189106440905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19844923743227424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074600921990814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21894393910944465,0.0,0.0,0.09844883691295443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655009656148198,0.15325934952018466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4286667325432065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263159656283106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286740160213471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423947461159804,0.0,0.2219375677696877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19425087519413486,0.0,0.14670351222523853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GodFather64,2020/02/10,"Gal I'm dating seems to have feelings towards me but it also feels like she just wants sex? Very hard to explain and I'll admit I don't have much experience with being able to love someone. We haven't met irl yet but she lives nearby(yes I used dating apps). She's mentioned cuddling and kissing which is all new to me and just recently she's been texting saying she wants to have sex.. this early into the relationship. I keep questioning myself if this is a red flag I'm just ignoring because I also want to make love, but also because I'm kinda desperate and don't want to waste the opportunity to try to be with someone that I have potential for sticking with. Sorry if this isn't written well, everything's just all disorganized in my head. Idk what to do. Hope someone can give advice that is likely very obvious to me that I keep debating to myself",3.3220315581854045,5.440430236686397,4.793349112426039,80.76383037475348,75.03550295857987,7.3469033530572,27.24299802761341,8.238735603445708,2.0168931755424064,686,27,126,12,15,229,97,169,0.095,0.7140000000000001,0.191,0.9712,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,1,9,9,0,0,3,0,16,7,1,2,3,38,38,12,0,7,9,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,9,9,0,3,6,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,3,5,18,8,19,33,3,9,0,0,1,6,16,3,0,6,8,86,27,0,0.14257878399456916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393263375746586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420606061444834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17382940670932326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281406175212548,0.13946940947033407,0.0,0.0,0.14418423440155065,0.10185831177430832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677456152715986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772258513189036,0.0,0.14632696635860626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161290346886168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534611486275578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931358385436998,0.0,0.1258996784316191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573658384049684,0.0,0.09517244545877712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481181156115614,0.0,0.0,0.13770347804659344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597208687615357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077934836197173,0.15307625538981132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338437172583755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297983700640273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624196229788687,0.0,0.0,0.15960527558494553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680163521512873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314229117626932,0.0,0.2352848577074716,0.33638664355564385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819544983471098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MyLifesParody,2020/02/10,"The thought of going to work is making me physically sick. So “oops, I did it... again”. Called in that is. I haven’t worked a full week of work in what feels like a month. I’ve had plenty of doc notes to cover. As I will for this most recent one. It’s not that my job is horrible it’s completely the environment, I know this. I’m pretty much bullied daily at this point, threatened, and feel like I am having to work ridiculous hours just so we can accommodate favorites. I’m so sick of this place that I can’t handle the idea of continuing to self subjected myself to this. I have been applying at other jobs. I just have this unyielding push that says NO, you are not working today. I’ve straight up quit jobs before because the feeling to go to work (at those places) became intolerable. I just can’t. I’m also nauseated at the thought. My therapist and I have spoke about how negative and invalidating the environment is. I know it’s common for BPD to you and quit jobs. I feel I’m so totally approaching that right now. I’ve been at the job for a year. But it has been toxic sense the get go I just really thought it would improve.",0.9850935745477224,3.4590361790393054,3.0581581409856504,87.70405567685589,86.77292576419214,6.4155333749220205,20.842326887086717,7.7094869923839395,0.99992439176544,891,29,186,18,28,300,124,229,0.115,0.809,0.076,-0.9008,5,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,2,0,8,14,3,1,0,11,0,22,2,0,2,1,27,41,12,0,1,7,0,4,2,0,2,2,2,0,1,20,5,0,0,10,0,0,5,7,1,0,1,9,6,20,2,26,30,4,29,0,0,0,0,7,14,0,1,12,125,40,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472012145785687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457999628495913,0.0,0.09014707515079026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342762962835705,0.0,0.10817651040265096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111075998013571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21426564120010666,0.15136701023151408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05534923942077912,0.0,0.18062430593867695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432948825847983,0.0,0.0,0.11959328268745435,0.0,0.0,0.5256451544316744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164436267740764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351379433520222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071572400216505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456023911632951,0.0,0.0778780360512645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178763637611504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22136935139190794,0.0,0.10014747395677047,0.0,0.0,0.10777899199145873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22536030583100666,0.0,0.0,0.06786783007198659,0.0,0.10460289736152543,0.0,0.0,0.09047211893060757,0.0,0.08424768217809582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051844864536453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300442072731765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523134056305401,0.0,0.0,0.1004186636970398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497861935284895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4627531721729339,0.0,0.0,0.07525668467440258,0.0,0.0,0.06822183970043924 bpd,OverwateredLotus,2020/02/10,"How to make someone with bpd feel loved after they split you black? Support bpd groups tell me this is hopeless and so I need people that don't believe it's hopeless. I love her to death and my world is ending. Tldr: she sees me as toxic and manipulative when I'm sure I'm not, having most likely my last talk with her tomorrow, and thus my last chance. I'm not sure if she still loves me but she might, however in the past month she's gone from simply believing we shouldn't be together because ""we are toxic to each other"" yet still loving me, to seemingly hating me extremely. It started out nice enough, a long distance relationship that went on for 3-4 years. Slowly but surely things began to get worse and she would start breaking up with me more and more over things that I could never understand the reason for. This has been my first serious relationship in my life and she told me that she was determined to be with me and that she saw us as soul mates. The thing was every time she broke up with me I had to fight to get her back. She rarely came back on her own and last May I left everything and made the 1000 mile trip to see her as a desperate attempt for her to still be with me. It lasted about 6 months and then she broke it off again, for reasons that seemed to go along the lines of her friends making her choose between them or me. To my knowledge whenever things went bad she would talk to her friends about it, and now her friends have a terrible image of me and whenever she goes back from thinking I'm a bad person, or is on the edge between zones, her friends insist to her that I'm still evil and toxic, etc. In October I almost was able to get her back, and we opened a year lease on a place to rent together. Her name is the only one on the lease. We stayed in this new house together for about a month, and then things started getting bad again. She would go to hang out at a new friend group's house for a few days, and when she came back she would be extremely cold to me, and insist we were terrible for each other and she didn't see a future with me anymore. Many hurtful things and anger, all while I was cleaning up after her cats and making her food when she got home, etc. After about 3 days of being with me things would calm down and be okay, and it would feel like she would start loving me again. But then she'd go hang out with this friend group and the cycle continued. In December she decided she wanted to move in with them because she wasn't happy here, even though I thought I was making her happy, and she gave me the choice to let her go with them, which seemed like what she wanted, or to stay here with me, where she said she felt like she would explode after 2 weeks. I wanted more than anything for her to be happy and to not seem manipulative to her, so I let her go, with the hope that after her getting back on her pills and seeing a therapist, she would be okay and want me again. Instead she picked up smoking (because of her friends), and the promise from her to call twice a week quickly dwindled into nothing. She did start her pills and I think she's seeing a therapist, but it's only made her colder toward me. She and I were splitting the rent for our place down the middle, and I am the only one living here now. Yesterday she says that she's going to stop paying for this place because she can't afford it due to her own reasons, and that I need to find a better paying job or get a roommate by the end of the month. I asked to call to talk about this, and she said she was done with calling. She would be open to talking about it in person, but someone else would be there, as she said she no longer feels comfortable talking to me alone. I have student loans I'm paying off and this place was for me and her, so I have no interest in finding a stranger to take up what was her bedroom, and I can't find a job to pay for this place while living alone and unhappy. I have some friends I've made down here that offered for me to stay with them, where I would be paying much less per month, as well as it being closer to my job. However I don't want to dump the lease on my former gf because it would hurt her credit as well as destroy our relationship. I really still want her back and she is unreplacable to me. I don't know what to do but I need magic words to say tomorrow or at least have a little bit to go off of because it's my last chance to save my relationship.",6.931228622862285,5.277349091309134,6.863305080508053,82.65216134113413,65.23762376237622,9.935803580358037,30.67009200920092,8.438071523408619,1.963336413641364,3480,91,757,38,44,1109,329,909,0.10800000000000001,0.768,0.124,0.8651,8,2,0,0,1,2,74.0,8,1,5,3,45,55,6,0,36,2,68,9,0,15,5,158,149,72,1,26,15,0,4,4,10,16,3,5,5,2,44,70,1,1,22,0,9,16,14,18,2,4,34,17,147,37,137,83,18,141,1,6,7,5,132,49,0,16,76,553,191,10,0.039927239995841655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0399813633779674,0.08270515842028109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03959709330644103,0.0,0.0,0.03285671649525118,0.0,0.03732657961490099,0.0,0.0,0.21491108096752495,0.100012732903797,0.14603564946133113,0.0,0.0,0.08996865350064183,0.0,0.0353123991235798,0.04359020501096384,0.0,0.10057392211093097,0.0,0.12231052850641687,0.09133225163428264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031878652227591814,0.0,0.0,0.051499533398332686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040859428957382725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03335408566499193,0.0,0.07072736720724307,0.0412555121397214,0.08905885376920876,0.026371565454484668,0.0,0.03364042174423711,0.0,0.03588402878496546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06056523666368217,0.028524028230869056,0.03833641182336812,0.0,0.1094783220397739,0.03396208994362291,0.04828017708971388,0.0,0.2467814926158889,0.0,0.12516200977061276,0.0,0.15884099429270518,0.0,0.03193346124746255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750986825875302,0.0,0.03941988333386549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040050277183990304,0.039656758354206234,0.0,0.09214134844268844,0.0854858724207359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886487446502005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0219429669141805,0.16273014807172453,0.0,0.0,0.04338106308100949,0.08165661609804342,0.02820179039783152,0.07802573063669997,0.040017583738142085,0.07051296883454998,0.035334350959350204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18017946479887192,0.11334035965302207,0.10660697094929596,0.0404799545276635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042356491986171536,0.0,0.0,0.1593477101829584,0.04243633733462705,0.02935111548405837,0.08881662762208685,0.030794348921061705,0.07712395438072853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03831126361962765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054111462292550434,0.09109939562153624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03811506843740679,0.02768052090475872,0.06972585179785816,0.20857733857906807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025578412336747455,0.12315555776446828,0.0,0.17146765361237895,0.0,0.0,0.11393984544601275,0.06350348761352427,0.0,0.0,0.15908420439748572,0.14539303891981262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766044175937108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130352986716585,0.12767137604173048,0.15942972718398815,0.03338096045998272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045308958788080486,0.11289285352981393,0.0,0.030020315470545737,0.16046001545843538,0.034898167620705835,0.0,0.0,0.092717206053852,0.18568118873750167,0.05116752639609043,0.039228310574244314,0.03169776864071205,0.023281894727933856,0.0,0.0,0.03815218886030669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04156566494541802,0.048027553603602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130072377198932,0.0,0.06405444710134824,0.0,0.07179876765003619,0.07402590298009094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04068926863530499,0.3687211544193604,0.0,0.0,0.051423666982675455 bpd,Laugh-Or-Cry,2020/02/10,"Does anyone take on the accent or mannerisms of their FP? What about characters from books, shows or movies that you identify with or admire?",6.297599999999999,8.644334160000003,5.333000000000002,79.09150000000002,67.4,9.8,24.5,10.125756701596842,2.6082,114,3,19,3,2,34,23,25,0.0,0.8740000000000001,0.126,0.5362,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,13,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.518292805356894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6486648233309882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.557320836581819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,idksqx,2020/02/10,Its all coming down rn I can't find a therapist or any treatment. I have work then class everyday during the week. And im in my last semester of college. My ex just moved back in. Now my weekends aren't even free. And i consistently feel suicidal but i can't do badly in school its the only thing that makes my mom proud of me. I was also making 7 months progress away from self harm but guess thats over. i hate so many things right now.,0.7813043478260866,2.9687171304347832,2.363217391304349,94.50569565217394,84.21739130434783,5.853913043478261,18.98260869565217,7.1686216300943375,0.2112834782608699,344,9,78,5,10,112,71,92,0.14800000000000002,0.738,0.115,-0.4973,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,7,5,1,0,3,0,6,0,0,2,1,13,12,8,1,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,2,1,1,2,3,3,0,0,1,1,11,3,9,11,1,18,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,2,9,49,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618471596973206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762869612810666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19014730888666848,0.15562152282454592,0.16898296741121718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433670143610308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367334107541756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233190431098707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18497616441775586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22294982339161745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19981322379725752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21861045963102932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497073428567088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701870318111694,0.20518655889552292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23703079027526314,0.16154172454901486,0.21510315738796654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392286316486806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283562899518334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20482435941248492,0.0,0.0,0.21113162610731365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22137627089274095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23498450878441635,0.2689111163660136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623409874843005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733864334375865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DaisyEyedOwl,2020/02/10,"What are people's thoughts on this? New therapist has never worked with BPD & gave me somewhat of a timeline on our program. Hi all, I was doing DBT-based therapy for awhile and although my therapist was super awesome, it wasn't covered by insurance and was sucking my wallet dry. I had my intake with an in-network therapist last week and I was left feeling somewhat discouraged. I asked the therapist if she worked with anyone with BPD before, and she said she hasn't but knew what it was. However, she proceeded to call it bipolar after I clarified earlier that I was referring to borderline PD. She also said she's worked with people who have experienced traumas but not traumas related to mine. Finally, I don't have another appointment until 3 weeks from now, and she says most people 'get what they need' in 5-7 sessions. I don't want to sound arrogant or like I'm doubting her abilities, but I feel like she just won't be able to properly handle my issues. How important is having a therapist versed in BPD for you? I am willing to give her a try for a little bit, but I'm also discouraged by her already putting somewhat of a timeline on our time together. Has anyone experienced these things before and ended up being pleasantly surprised? Thanks everyone, XO",7.843855809462505,7.659168924686193,8.317238493723853,68.17712584486644,62.682008368200854,12.040038622465401,39.30511747666559,11.51311941424646,4.866983006115222,1019,50,169,28,13,339,145,239,0.091,0.7929999999999999,0.11599999999999999,0.6361,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,1,1,4,5,12,1,1,7,0,24,1,0,1,2,36,40,17,0,3,8,0,2,2,0,2,1,4,0,0,11,11,0,2,5,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,13,8,31,6,27,23,6,21,0,2,0,0,24,8,1,7,14,125,42,5,0.1015917077791708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210897577216193,0.16248570401385962,0.0,0.11007457293416437,0.0,0.0,0.10652776355064014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420705684081141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497453290104478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728941214744689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091183287322624,0.0,0.38385359868461655,0.0,0.10373649227640043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998009907592762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707523039998968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273563988484948,0.07257713633642265,0.0,0.11128875010863616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053077474271508614,0.09745602323849743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603534856714196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828108011046374,0.0,0.0,0.11037968775539424,0.0,0.0,0.0992651536510597,0.10182158029398566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532896405439998,0.07835378796942001,0.0981179044311238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21129269575540546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212772613603804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932739567299712,0.08078980361857285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935319952466602,0.11617897165060714,0.5897790145590515,0.06749301646936473,0.0,0.0,0.08065246807278346,0.059238941784906976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897410092721673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059921421398541924,0.0,0.16298148012620595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22187991964390896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,s_neav,2020/02/10,"Watching movies takes me completely out of myself Does anyone else have this experience? When I watch a movie, especially if it is emotionally charged, I get so sucked into it that I pretty much completely forget who I am and the details of my life circumstances, and then when the movie is over, I crash-land back into my real life, but with the distinct feeling that my life is unfamiliar, even though it is just my regular life. For example I'll look at the people around me as if I haven't met them before, and at the room as if I hadn't just been sitting there for 2 hours. Then it takes at least a few hours for me to feel like myself again, but it could take up to a day. This can also happen when playing video games. Can anyone else relate? I don't like this and want to make it stop.",5.798451388888887,5.429581331250002,6.240833333333337,81.98305555555558,66.9375,9.361111111111112,27.777777777777786,8.841846274778883,1.805569444444445,623,16,131,9,9,202,96,160,0.051,0.856,0.092,0.7519,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,13,4,1,0,8,0,13,4,0,1,1,25,25,19,0,5,7,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,1,0,12,9,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,5,18,3,20,21,3,22,0,0,3,0,4,10,1,3,13,97,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594065325976838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20274712301850706,0.29709879746546897,0.0,0.12906315978035454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148086287890854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336751414643744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30401806677249144,0.0,0.0,0.11575493218983515,0.0,0.0,0.0935002671030814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687319346745074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422247902352273,0.1630832670405168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095758087548053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181850367985244,0.0,0.0,0.14661274077741346,0.10357391931354608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574619659945407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820555595487973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855526837024785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40961535159349344,0.1416600534808092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174689549139027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677544242694362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657716512909976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051105038676564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749703522775345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650192643100017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212099804875836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270213141510522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244235916953854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551310754831976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ghost-in-a-host,2020/02/10,"I always feel so close to death You would think I would have learned how to cope when feeling suicidal, but I don\`t. I try to convey that Im in a really low place to my friends, and they all tell me to call them if there is anything, but I feel like this too often for them to take me seriously. So then I am left to myself, and I feel so close to losing control or giving into dying. This might be the last thing I will ever say, just because I never know if today is the day or not. I never know what to do with myself and every distraction just doesn´t work anymore. I wish I cold just feel relaxed and calm, just once in my life, please god.",5.6573015873015855,4.442266666666671,6.3536507936507975,83.86000000000003,67.51851851851852,8.899470899470899,28.17460317460317,7.447530270364453,1.4113492063492066,500,12,110,4,7,165,89,135,0.11599999999999999,0.698,0.185,0.8881,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,3,3,13,8,0,1,3,0,10,1,0,2,4,39,21,16,3,5,11,0,5,1,1,4,1,1,0,0,5,8,0,1,9,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,7,22,4,14,16,1,16,0,2,0,0,9,8,0,6,9,82,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279622774169186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827583569238227,0.0,0.0,0.1313334850401163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728792582700413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16296483316349125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17899990615533287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029258842727095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563491567180208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436325242890188,0.13446607869439792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034813604736616,0.1140150457664914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233030751617054,0.0,0.0,0.15309853089617265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723905096061617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541900861431536,0.13009162050896142,0.0,0.0,0.17340096050064988,0.0,0.11272701025537415,0.07797029207711799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17854652382165268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693055880194744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24617975225424066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996398198817403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667433127710158,0.17518791597389244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224095382335822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691673469093315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457155626644355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999594217883365,0.0,0.13949348760409067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602814812095787,0.10226234206105088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15127785796543675,0.0,0.0,0.1083548576161256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18352693049686916,0.0,0.0,0.11618741323530815,0.0,0.0,0.22674410584612356,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mirandoll,2020/02/10,"Was this abuse? I have BPD but sometimes looking at my upbringing it feels like I haven’t been through anything bad enough to cause it. Looking back on my childhood I really struggle to remember anything from around 12 and under, but I’ve got a handful of memories of my dad that don’t seem too bad in my mind, but also seem like they could kind of count as abuse. He’d do things like make me walk through mud with bare feet in winter, hold onto the back of my neck in public and massage it to the point where it hurt so bad but I was too afraid to say anything, buy me things I really wanted but then say I could only have them when I went to his house. He also got into bed with me once and made me read my book to him out loud (I hated reading aloud, but did it for a little bit until I was uncomfortable because he was getting close to me). I politely shut the book and said I wanted to go to sleep, and he got up, screamed at me and slammed my door. He used me to try and get his girlfriend to be nice to him when they were breaking up by taking me to their house without telling me anything was wrong and without warning her, and last time I saw him he screamed and threatened me and called me and my mum names while he was driving me home because I said I had a school project to do which may mean I’d have to miss seeing him one weekend. I blocked most of that out but I remember being scared out of my mind and feeling like he was actually going to kill me. He’d drop gifts off at my house like diamond earrings and money, but stopped when I wouldn’t reach out and give him attention. He’d call me with a disguised voice and try and get me to go somewhere with him, when I’d realise it was him id start crying and he’d be all confused saying he never did anything to upset me. I saw him once since that last incident at a show and he knew I was there but just kept circling me and getting near me, never even looking me in the eye. It was like he was purposefully trying to unnerve me but also refusing to even acknowledge me or give me the time of day. He’s avoided paying lots of bills/ child support by claiming bankruptcy and is basically a criminal in the money sense, but I also suspect he might be a sociopath. I barely remember any of my childhood so there’s likely more things that happened that I don’t remember.",6.1780873180873215,5.117292230769233,6.5593380457380475,82.3039051975052,66.4012474012474,9.359201663201663,33.37721413721414,8.238735603445708,2.335545463617463,1837,68,389,20,25,597,222,481,0.188,0.746,0.066,-0.9971,0,1,0,0,2,1,29.0,0,0,4,0,21,26,2,6,13,0,38,5,5,4,3,86,77,47,1,5,15,2,3,7,1,3,0,9,3,1,17,32,0,6,13,6,5,6,8,16,0,1,27,19,74,10,65,37,6,57,0,2,7,0,48,27,0,8,29,266,91,7,0.0,0.16611052508806984,0.06840602634052778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242309876119291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04766938529267612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884254727561407,0.06240252872524424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780284257653856,0.17558796402300544,0.08546279265047108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652940907617142,0.0,0.08828660963726277,0.0,0.14315681650707204,0.0,0.0,0.07201047130560745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193590011832953,0.0,0.07699991312144956,0.04520773483035529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243049130862263,0.0,0.0925987992090273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088781789799285,0.1001567679909461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649429681311474,0.1344897415568044,0.11951578270427718,0.0,0.1681925275467585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619878740132013,0.0,0.0,0.0692077584088802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031451321361605,0.0,0.0,0.24265277988576625,0.07504189644295553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755360675417051,0.07299680301859025,0.0,0.11427927047073635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23972611162317856,0.07025711476617127,0.0,0.0,0.1765952613287999,0.0,0.0,0.05959523984504561,0.0,0.06632889771562872,0.0467912945585949,0.0,0.0,0.07635781900250263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436343328566566,0.1415590088198831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812857270212596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493052342027818,0.047500559270767836,0.053313069701163215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626574244035159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023494374932322,0.0,0.08981379099940384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176317525357509,0.0,0.13335945602183585,0.16723542755017864,0.07018082950923624,0.07094342663154342,0.055859430589189865,0.12763008741899035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05798620541797985,0.0,0.07014912652439508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932921111401813,0.0,0.04961608066945972,0.0,0.0,0.0586054866627716,0.0,0.07328217454154748,0.0,0.0,0.07954694961944468,0.0,0.0,0.052705349806527864,0.0,0.061269180660702374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971099025311434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817500007285702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427768448715537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06054259918691299,0.0,0.0,0.08269182560306698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498201384888477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514490934692294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664170793517573,0.0,0.0 bpd,emsy6,2020/02/10,"Today I sat on a toilet at school and cried I fucked up everything because of my shit fucking abandonment issues and so I lost absolutely every single last one of my ‘friends’ because I lashed out at them because they didn’t invite me to go out with them. I’ve burnt every single last bridge I had. I used to be so lonely now I’m just alone, I am so so fucking alone. I spent my entire lunch period crying on a fucking toilet, I punched the wall so many times then tiles fell off. I don’t know what to do I have nobody I can’t stand being alone I’ve been through 8 different friend groups in two months and I’ve ruined every last one of them. I can’t go back to them. I don’t know what to do.",1.1363223938223932,2.973095817567569,2.963938223938225,92.64148648648651,80.68918918918921,5.5799227799227795,19.355212355212355,6.5431188927421005,0.01206988416988386,543,13,121,5,14,181,84,148,0.223,0.7440000000000001,0.033,-0.9797,1,5,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,5,1,8,11,5,0,3,0,13,6,1,1,0,11,26,9,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,1,2,0,1,3,5,9,0,3,6,0,23,2,19,18,2,24,0,4,0,4,8,10,5,0,10,77,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3944549324677987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976189883711034,0.0,0.2321680346040529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27890372624421417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263882056050655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32089002767830543,0.0,0.11409713268521733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19616708087588108,0.4694638559493828,0.0,0.0,0.14430058333806592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250590474824694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395400512310115,0.3104508148907253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385841504300185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871037336725935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133263988155093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720532198316317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848317120086894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031538703402856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402729074415683,0.0,0.1203365599735357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240145929892882,0.0,0.0,0.10964659455593737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ClipClapCat,2020/02/10,"Fuck psychologists and doctors SLIGHT TW Fuck this shit. Therapists and doctors are useless. They keep asking the same fucking questions and especially with obvious answers. ""You don't feel well today?"" No fucking shit I *** myself today you idiot. Also stop wasting my time by having long ass queues when all we're going to do is talk about medicine for 5 min. Seriously fuck you guys",2.7368627450980405,5.6101775882352936,3.452352941176476,80.40392156862748,96.64705882352942,5.207843137254902,26.25490196078432,6.816661863887847,1.905407843137256,308,14,47,5,12,97,57,68,0.43,0.57,0.0,-0.9893,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,1,0,4,11,8,0,1,0,5,10,3,0,2,12,14,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,10,1,0,0,1,7,1,5,14,2,8,0,1,0,6,8,0,8,1,7,28,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179996406583472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238661505297695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117856212336897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701106581775255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7040274790047227,0.0,0.0,0.0865596570376766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080801334710833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135377583271962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478702522712058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17061885285470516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126821790309968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273355881023928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241870907107798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17684032750093148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888115175976872,0.0,0.2887387180133533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694240935194987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lostinspace12345678,2020/02/10,"Relationship mayhem After 6 years with the person I love I had my worst episode and split on him and everyone around me, I split up with him and was reckless (this had been building up and was needed due to undealt with previous issues). We still spoke but I was pretty cold and he would tell me he was still in love with me.. after roughly 4 months we rekindled and communicated better than ever before. Over the last 3 years together we spoke about buying a house together and it never happened.. yet in those 4 months apart he signed an agreement for a morgage and now has his own property pretty far away from where our plans ever were. I feel absolutely heartbroken.. because I think our relationship could be better than ever after that time apart. but how did that happen so quickly? I know it's my fault, I know I caused all of this, but I cant help but feel hurt by it. He tells me 'it's not what I wanted to do"" ""this is not what I want"" but he signed the paperwork after we rekindled, so it's almost like hes just trying to say what he thinks I want to hear but not the truth. Obviously he wanted to, or he wouldnt have? Am I being COMPLETELY out of order with how I feel or would you feel the same?",5.623386243386244,5.433257020576131,6.281343327454443,80.94342592592594,67.2716049382716,9.082774838330394,27.64520870076425,8.634040054169528,1.7860443268665491,948,25,194,13,14,311,135,243,0.081,0.79,0.129,0.9531,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,6,1,0,3,16,10,0,0,8,0,22,2,0,3,7,62,42,20,0,9,12,0,5,1,0,3,0,4,0,1,14,19,0,0,8,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,11,10,32,7,31,25,4,34,0,1,0,2,31,13,0,3,21,144,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235480163192905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877426518903052,0.0,0.0,0.11480074562188665,0.0,0.0,0.07448538273575456,0.0,0.10397398236889184,0.0,0.0,0.21613277911848766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255219341618525,0.0,0.0,0.1281130179737047,0.0,0.0,0.09755810807966864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315812939397795,0.0,0.11675698639129392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471300589967494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161029555742505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771607285153487,0.0,0.08190082371925178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098989451940935,0.13080603159390414,0.0,0.0,0.12753374572110435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430394249537125,0.09960048034691377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05969545550503124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205609895310568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19506045639936548,0.0,0.0,0.09060171986952902,0.0942398191377651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669086850156756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486206234492263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623708769720991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716973076223596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19516085491550986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21359743719506705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658777023197196,0.0,0.0,0.07124948652005231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295842441092609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882813485561315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17359935843484756,0.0,0.0,0.1573716362138601 bpd,savantalicious,2020/02/10,"Coronavirus & a BPD Perspective Every time I read an article on coronavirus, my reaction seems to be the exact opposite of the average Redditor. I don’t think they’re under reporting numbers, I don’t think it’s worse than we are being told. Every news story I see, my mind responds calmly, quietly: _...This is not going to be a major pandemic. It’s the flu. It’s all old people and babies too weak to fight it off. They’re making it a big deal for nothing._ It’s a insidious thought, completely zen itself while winding its way around my mind. My slate won’t be wiped clean by an apocalyptic event. I won’t be able to be stripped down to pure survival, where everyone knows loss and horror, they and I on even footing. No release. Or relief. I really wanted to choose the “it’s not the end of the world” flair, but I knew that’d be mean for people looking for the kind of content it’s meant to flair.",1.8590087719298225,4.236173994444447,3.8380701754385953,84.41921052631581,81.2777777777778,7.345029239766082,23.91812865497076,8.371475516178862,1.795444444444445,709,26,138,16,19,240,115,180,0.096,0.87,0.034,-0.81,0,0,0,0,1,0,26.0,1,0,1,2,4,6,1,0,13,0,14,3,1,1,3,26,28,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,12,5,0,0,9,1,0,1,7,3,0,0,4,3,14,3,21,14,2,16,1,1,2,0,6,9,0,2,5,86,26,2,0.17629771888659834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910185047572204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694234709600532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220408053434471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848448040481324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18175520696522413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561474509982456,0.0,0.0,0.1164429806212119,0.0,0.2970768636404519,0.16846002546890973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019405642577993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835869447964824,0.09688861571641362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804568214964225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768009633102708,0.0,0.0,0.1920398993147984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35602087849028297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916241604746315,0.0,0.1849947995030824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444452806459953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17634542755309573,0.0,0.11294083307984848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048645661000886,0.1604948219951025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259289193452901,0.0,0.1399606961496635,0.10280061763147512,0.0,0.0,0.16846002546890973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398496231570847,0.13993692326883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796624370809347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SeveralRecord,2020/02/10,"Challenging FP, SO or friends with negative behavior to test them? DAE do things as pretending to break up to see if they'll fight for the relationship? Or act distant to see how much effort they're willing to put into you? Or any other sort of tests that involve negative behavior? Is this a BPD thing?",4.022068965517242,6.18173982758621,5.0064137931034525,79.82996551724139,73.13793103448276,9.467586206896552,30.565517241379307,9.888512548439397,3.3226234482758628,242,11,45,7,5,79,48,58,0.163,0.731,0.106,-0.7082,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,1,2,2,2,3,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,6,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,2,11,4,1,5,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,5,0,33,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188570840152993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4053366709928393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486469319781468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23658386171143564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235304762276992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455275803082212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5129175473292029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4276223232717638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,alliegirllovesdoggos,2020/02/10,white knighting Could anybody provide an example of their experiences with white knighting? I think it’s been happening to me and I’d like to know what to watch out for.,4.215208333333333,6.782245937500001,4.42625,82.32708333333336,74.0,8.016666666666666,32.541666666666664,8.841846274778883,3.005029166666666,138,7,25,3,3,43,27,32,0.0,0.9179999999999999,0.08199999999999999,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,7,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4376886498462333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5362393482901499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4847665289687294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012733252874334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678201108678343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512608592168221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,i-stan-myself,2020/02/10,"Lowering my meds and don’t know who I am Hey so I’ve never posted on here I’m a bit of a lurker but I feel so alone with nobody to talk to about all of this right now. I was diagnosed with BPD three years ago and I’ve been on anti-physcotics as a mood stabilised for the same amount of time. I felt I was in a much better place when I started my meds, with a stable job, uni and partner. I requested my meds to be reduced but my psychologist was strongly against this, telling me because of my diagnosis I have to be on meds for the rest of my life. This wasn’t what I wanted so we agreed to reduce them a small amount. The UK mental health services are very underfunded so I don’t have a therapist and I don’t qualify to enlist in therapy without going private, I want to be able to manage my emotional disregulation myself without the need for a large amount of anti-psychotics. I’ve felt like I have so much more energy, more positive thinking and feel less emotionally suppressed by my meds. Six years ago my sister, who I was extremely close with, took her own life. And most of my mental health issues stem from this trauma. This week it will be her 23rd birthday, which is really hard on me at the moment, Although my meds reducing has been a good thing I’ve been really down about missing my sister, but finally able to cry and talk about these emotions. However, over the weekend my partner sat me down and said I’ve been acting differently, not thinking before I speak and getting overly upset over small situations. I tried to explain this is just symptoms of my BPD which are heightened right now due to the emotional time and while my body adjusts to the medication reducing (it’s only been 2 weeks), but he said he doesn’t like it, that I’ve let him down and I’m being horrible and thoughtless. My heart is broken and I’ve been feeling even more down and crying a lot. I feel like I don’t know who I am, like he doesn’t love me and won’t love me because of my bpd. I feel like I’m letting everyone down and I don’t know what to do I’m just trying to come to terms with everything and stabilise myself. Maybe the doctor was right and I will have to be on meds for the rest of my life, maybe without them I’m just a horrible person:( Just advice and positive thoughts would be welcome. R",4.731945636623749,5.258660420600863,5.686454935622318,81.96008297567955,69.25751072961373,8.788440629470673,29.052646638054362,8.841846274778883,2.1249844921316163,1820,63,370,30,30,601,207,466,0.09300000000000001,0.767,0.14,0.9749,4,1,0,0,0,0,38.0,1,0,2,2,17,15,0,1,21,0,45,13,2,0,2,64,78,32,0,4,12,2,8,5,2,4,9,3,0,3,19,27,0,1,15,1,0,4,14,3,0,2,19,11,53,11,61,46,18,47,0,1,0,2,29,23,0,2,24,255,72,5,0.13363346643816582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529253839387804,0.11845800501545414,0.0,0.0,0.06920198474256474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146172079971391,0.0,0.056856118684500724,0.0,0.0,0.05909397072804785,0.07294656729305701,0.07421832785213334,0.2524600093764098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05755669931035255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467900879381614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781757773618421,0.0,0.06980926499720679,0.0,0.06838975771714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006393263401753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04413182212758508,0.0,0.0,0.06384625195903029,0.060050571449482615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892273966884655,0.0954677751246548,0.12830908430663673,0.07319446526538761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03490898534800745,0.0,0.0379734892806261,0.056042705725730974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05985466882039184,0.0,0.0,0.14204612584115786,0.0,0.07917815057464063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697393099484425,0.06630529772887035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016218750602286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664927337738025,0.14158390403458795,0.16321640403642265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05680519719387301,0.12060942085931513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13425277859583196,0.0,0.5195282949649334,0.0673108292413726,0.1346711032429264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823597389576992,0.049543761050197525,0.051533183779500565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05081713649042459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058341794205359676,0.06980926499720679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399196057288431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560902048076198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17118337526600702,0.12711602833859226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510480764962853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047293227676305415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944816948484586,0.0,0.10740951837725632,0.05840076990020824,0.0,0.0764107575720623,0.0775793771666182,0.044390068581063084,0.08562692941069862,0.0,0.053045022674425985,0.07792274893196444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423584911285185,0.09072835178039676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05513080252013098,0.07882048082895808,0.0,0.10719270613026062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193226839387532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047464690213106384,0.0,0.0,0.08605557104087927 bpd,KBPD-CPTSD,2020/02/10,Does religion help at all? Does following a religion make life with BPD easier? Can we even stick to it if we haven't practiced before?,2.4679487179487194,5.20927553846154,4.128461538461536,80.89987179487181,82.07692307692307,9.620512820512822,24.051282051282055,9.725611199111238,3.0309897435897444,108,4,20,4,3,36,23,26,0.0,0.785,0.215,0.7219,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,6,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170430532298514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.469258742026144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6521046469688278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24608939117999445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24973639195491898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26316835233639674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24870389872886914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,imoutofweed,2020/02/10,"Quick and intense relationships Ayo Starting off with saying that I also have Aspergers (and I lack empathy or pretty much any kinds of feelings). I'm diagnosed with BPD, so it's not a self diagnosis. I have only had one real relationship where I felt ""love"". More of an obsession over the person. It lasted for 1,5 years on/off. It ended with me leaving them because I didn't feel anything anymore and I was starting to hate them. A lot. Like the obsession, but in a negative direction. I had a few ""relationships"" if you could call those that. I started obsessing over the person and it lasted about 1-2 days AT MOST and I always had to be intoxicated to even meet with them (this is an Aspergers thing since I dont like people when I'm sober). The relationship would end with me just breaking up with them in the coldest ways possible. Now I'm kind of seeing someone that actually understands me. I met him first a few days ago and we already kissed on the 3rd time I met him. I don't want this to be an obsession/cold situation again. I want to try to be together with someone, because I know I'm capable of it, I've done it. &#x200B; Any tips on not going from one extreme to the other?",3.21021186440678,5.086630275423734,5.062000000000001,79.78766101694916,74.63559322033899,8.448813559322032,28.325423728813558,9.120678840339163,2.523341355932204,939,39,182,22,20,321,138,236,0.095,0.852,0.053,-0.8097,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,1,1,4,1,10,10,1,3,15,0,16,4,0,0,0,33,36,12,0,6,6,0,3,2,0,1,2,1,0,3,14,14,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,4,0,3,9,5,26,6,30,22,7,30,0,0,1,2,21,10,0,4,19,132,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.10539830947725444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574083274861862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918734465605385,0.08637238665590558,0.08986967277024506,0.11702449310423475,0.13123915359654512,0.14689561409858656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107112963997589,0.0,0.0,0.08887976356745232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167895213974912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360298193455039,0.0,0.1102862368797732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623402990517655,0.0,0.0,0.13930991409136947,0.0,0.0,0.1096238513658808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052767204410603,0.12658226788253765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19132257710647085,0.0,0.0,0.07133696706537787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092221923809273,0.0,0.1037027305932383,0.0,0.0,0.0918698776514089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138231832662688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066335983717942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22494332873843104,0.05935729188224481,0.17607866675298248,0.0,0.11436279554662185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553258558520183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918228680802344,0.09747966284670233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939686258793201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463753682004745,0.08214345606881925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487778499700229,0.1886134064317883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176057553563813,0.0,0.1098809658140156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293451263140673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4638322430890716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589073356758632,0.0,0.0,0.08606682579623177,0.0,0.11267384907795128,0.0,0.0,0.08934370772586428,0.1214033078956912,0.0,0.0,0.1830263248402024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22934168107130204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175441003188966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297918719663155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733290076279063,0.0,0.0,0.11243809080577616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740951481035784,0.0857301628076011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672438796458134,0.0,0.13123915359654512,0.06955234501067968 bpd,CheekyBunny1693,2020/02/10,"So,I feel alone...and a burden. Was diagnosed about 2 years ago with BPD,Severe MDD, Severe Generalized anxiety Disorder, and complex ADHD. I've been hospitalized for a suicide attempt once, right after being diagnosed....(marital issues, dealing with my suppressed pass etc.) Well over all since then I've been doing good...then meds stopped working...and my psychiatrist tried new ones 2 weeks ago...and well they dont react kindly to me...I let my psychiatrist know and I have an appointment today. I was temporarily put on klonopin to help ease my anxiety this past weekend.. but my husband constantly has been asking me ""what's wrong?"" And well...I have communication issues with him because of my past relationships with everyone especially him...(I got the usual ""I dont wanna hear it"" bullshit. So I just shut down and suffer in silence) but I shake my head and say ""I dont feel good"" and he says ""stop bullshitting"" so I tell him "" I'm not, I dont feel good, my meds are working and I have an appointment with my psychiatrist today""..he just signs and rolls his eyes...making me feel so much worse about it and leaves to work.(he has asked me that same question everyday for the past two weeks amd I've gotten the same response from him)...to him my mental illnesses and complete bullshit and a waste of money. And it hurts me worse..I have been contemplating suicide for the past few weeks...death seems much better at this point...but I think about my son...only thing that keeps me here...I sudfernin silencen because I dont want to get committed again.. it made things worse.",3.683721549636804,6.166012789830513,4.4789285714285745,81.71616525423731,75.33898305084746,7.739709443099272,26.4679176755448,8.634040054169528,2.1310799031477,1243,47,228,26,28,399,164,295,0.226,0.731,0.043,-0.9954,0,1,0,0,0,2,84.0,0,0,1,3,11,11,0,1,9,0,21,3,1,2,2,45,38,18,2,2,5,1,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,11,17,0,4,9,1,1,3,6,5,2,2,9,7,32,6,25,27,7,29,0,2,0,0,17,7,0,2,19,131,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963660968771793,0.0,0.14215730975050722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226817315844122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992322689270654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775936269586404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091660795805692,0.0,0.0,0.10098947653180584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407184423408517,0.08665087758621003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266662147958077,0.0,0.08138550369402303,0.0,0.0,0.09189829811497732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4698777456727109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942682987698174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661965449244824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217461858403354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04189305266913107,0.0,0.0,0.20176467456302075,0.0641308098071964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229235344717573,0.0,0.09037367481016308,0.0,0.053745929986455165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583908557441602,0.0,0.0,0.16738341465119194,0.0,0.07127160135633934,0.0,0.08349973971852853,0.044067263077870455,0.0,0.0,0.08490372855405115,0.0,0.08199400741281979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587244188846752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17813364019196445,0.0,0.08080704100853975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788955729857027,0.0,0.0,0.07744261750458396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539379588563105,0.05433504169468285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30618042758416475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580019969662594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806074943979061,0.0898249072751395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608806446541625,0.0,0.06847706098785053,0.0,0.12753174654877678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299688917215101,0.0,0.18117115373997947,0.0,0.06632938511613128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407553975131967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541749338740345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700847218834126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065419382725749,0.05137894195345205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520109187135288,0.0,0.0,0.05443996125680235,0.0,0.07832853215320375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831181597116555,0.0,0.047294851481013485,0.0,0.12863821846709775,0.0,0.21628628401132532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675043305334795,0.0,0.16342955922148988,0.0,0.08766908137800042,0.0,0.05163614086958103 bpd,VegetableClassroom,2020/02/10,"Always need to be on best behaviour, always have to be on guard so the BPD doesnt leak out. Very close to suicide. Last night i was chopping vegetables to cook bolognaise and I got moody for a while, because I was thinking about what to do with my life, my boyfriend took it as some reason that im being BPD and got really pissed off. All i was doing was just standing there chopping away. We were laughing and making jokes just minutes before heading to the kitchen. I try to be on my best behaviour but whenever i let my guard down and some bpd personality shows, my boyfriend is all over that shit and stays pissed for days. He says this behaviour loops every 3 weeks on average and accuses me of having no self awareness, but he has no idea how much im hurting inside. Even trying to talk to him about results in me trying to be calm and him screaming ""Nothing has change, its just the same, 3 weeks from now I will see it hasn't changed"". It hurts deeply because i even have a reminder on my phone to be on best behaviour everyday, but the moment i let my guard down, im suddenly the worst person according to him. I wish i can just die and im feeling more and more suicidal each day. I cannot by myself, whatever that is. It feels like i am the one walking on eggshells here. I'm close to spending the last of my funds and getting a ticket away from here, before i end up killing myself in this country.",3.459026662383556,4.940661014134278,4.228938323160939,87.65473417924831,73.13427561837457,7.2655958882107265,27.70462576292965,7.84624498591911,1.5918070671378088,1109,42,228,15,22,355,157,283,0.182,0.721,0.09699999999999999,-0.9876,0,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,1,0,0,3,14,16,4,0,10,0,28,8,4,4,2,41,40,17,4,2,7,0,2,1,0,1,1,2,1,3,11,16,3,3,5,4,2,2,5,9,0,1,8,5,30,7,41,23,13,36,0,2,1,0,12,19,3,2,14,162,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567345192397818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697483539924694,0.0,0.0,0.1148253722386706,0.0,0.16028448522577146,0.0,0.2965156958040714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558581167625707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19926487538910895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147964790228626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977464093620155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341760690272351,0.0,0.0,0.12441310725143814,0.0,0.07935269155092274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524285159524633,0.06728388934011252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049206390408994785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065245731988106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665826225121224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20164830624711969,0.10632040873181199,0.40693239716386703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419881550582613,0.0,0.0,0.1535423704749916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19261566693735566,0.06652377879317961,0.04601273865799632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286744966542264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923486368243849,0.06983501881429273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838375496937617,0.0,0.09037050450936143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382039751635578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644727896964796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060335624801372924,0.0968351413899842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489758456828931,0.0,0.0,0.07505113876487109,0.0,0.0982527309923367,0.0,0.0966768283807547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038585326452636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060404079970062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757002050077495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060348246677796515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464005577288192,0.1918308991667231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771030195587167,0.0,0.0,0.1510947996414143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830505394675738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,njwjn1234,2020/02/10,Bpd rage help Just fully went off on one for NO REASON like jesus I'm so embarrassed why do I do this shit,-0.9450000000000004,1.0802645000000022,1.788333333333334,96.49000000000002,91.5,4.866666666666667,12.166666666666668,6.42735559955562,-0.9157333333333328,84,1,20,1,3,29,22,24,0.39799999999999996,0.45399999999999996,0.14800000000000002,-0.8697,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4933294747647136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26254667636195217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19136368506480184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654244630341722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40273041858894304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020720061204952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36310764331008216,0.35344620202842525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GayTrees420,2020/02/10,Impulsive trip away from my partner? Good idea? Bad idea? I think I need time just to be myself and discover myself without my partner,1.8538,4.630993480000004,2.895500000000002,85.43525000000002,94.2,5.7,26.25,7.1686216300943375,1.9576,107,5,18,2,4,34,20,25,0.145,0.752,0.10400000000000001,-0.2824,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,4,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030677802455156,0.0,0.2693348285204605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27055877473789897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7282908939331226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391836566787006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066916363683921,0.0,0.0,0.18809480379497004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109486847822697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ILoveSkulls,2020/02/10,"I hid the fact I was previously diagnosed with BPD in a different country - How can I approach my GP now that I have major concerns? I'm sorry if this breaks rules or anything, it is my first post here and I would just like some ideas When I was 17-23 I lived in Ireland. While there I got married but my mental health quickly deteriorated and I was put on a psychiatric hold in hospital. While there, I was diagnosed with BPD. Shortly after that my marriage ended, I saw no reason to remain in Ireland, so I moved back to Canada (where I am from originally). When I came home, I wasn't exactly being safe and ended up pregnant, but my babies father was a human garbage bag of a person. While pregnant, Family Protective Services got involved because of his abuse of me while pregnant, and when they were having their meetings with me, the worker mentioned in passing they take mental health very seriously and listed some illness' they paid particular attention too (BPD was one of the first). I understand its their job but the idea BPD being the reason my baby could be taken scared me (especially being a now single mother) I was already stressed and couldn't imagine my behaviour would ever be something that would hurt my baby, I was trying to do better for me and him. So I didn't tell them about it as my medical records never came with me to Canada from Ireland. They didn't know and I wouldn't raise red flags. Everything went okay, nothing ever came up and things worked out well. Now-5 years later- I have been with a partner for 4 years. My mental health has been okay. However I am now pregnant, and have never told my partner about my diagnosis, and when asked in any GP or OB appointments about mental health I haven't said anything about it. Again, I suppose in fear I would be viewed as some sort of potential harm. Lately I have been making very poor, impulsive choices and my mind set hasn't felt right. Everything seems to be turning towards behaviour that had me diagnosed in the first place. I am 8 months pregnant currently and I want to reach out but I am really scared that since I ""hid"" this from a lot of people they will view me as a threat or un-trustworthy. What should I do? I feel like I don't have anyone I can talk to about this without judgement.",5.0767079098541785,6.376284876712332,5.626715274709087,79.88718294299603,68.95433789954339,8.391338930623068,29.425835911032554,8.748949900417786,2.3180819561054653,1808,67,332,30,31,583,220,438,0.126,0.831,0.043,-0.991,4,0,1,0,1,0,48.0,0,0,8,6,27,15,1,4,14,2,51,9,0,5,6,70,73,35,0,10,10,2,2,2,2,7,9,1,1,4,14,23,0,3,11,0,2,8,12,8,1,4,28,7,64,7,47,29,6,60,0,1,4,0,25,18,0,10,33,249,78,4,0.0,0.08945965818884326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332032236848193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051345174089289014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279401349136622,0.0,0.12426639042668593,0.0,0.07058586204723867,0.0,0.0,0.05805776270690662,0.0,0.046026416533940816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677697658906287,0.0,0.0,0.3803775789216915,0.0,0.0,0.25906870308634883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06028364161956076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22990430724263475,0.0,0.0788854023005362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337479146538751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365950220853155,0.0,0.0,0.13571589637447326,0.0,0.07117826429591785,0.08496276788397229,0.038176990624436136,0.05393993080823045,0.07249548992348971,0.0,0.0,0.1926704847051792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077457477000668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32102804069519075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573646901025621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082838100800781,0.1704692028579788,0.0,0.0,0.07492587246417866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041494914655752495,0.0,0.08517157669598313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377468704175719,0.0,0.06667123993206506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419063191081098,0.0,0.0,0.05039937373271259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606213651011555,0.30436029251992164,0.0,0.07623731570208439,0.0,0.06026641393109335,0.08024859185587649,0.0,0.0,0.11646637260644488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244793379436472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051163329883989084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05234482907721378,0.06592700706717136,0.0788854023005362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231177056503907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590217469926877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04836966856369255,0.1552609659640174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447983385186737,0.07182140533020534,0.0,0.15118495389685993,0.0,0.0,0.06873582507226142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245752475480065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812651510153598,0.0,0.08452032408269293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648934940570564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05676946209056361,0.06068709553406504,0.06599365039043607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05016137067630872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214711788429551,0.0,0.05126212495252271,0.08212645446341603,0.0,0.07860212004444607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459708710945347,0.04453409830316109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788698510275544,0.06999278034021968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727829701924544,0.0,0.05496766666686451,0.0,0.0,0.21454293682542205,0.0,0.0,0.09724394522752468 bpd,TravellingAnomaly,2020/02/10,"LMFAO all of my broken relationships I thought I locked away keeping me up Literally tried falling asleep for the past hour and out of nowhere,all these memories of painful breakdowns I had while losing people which were represses popped up like some twisted montage with ZERO trigger and now I’m just sleeping with music to drown my thoughts away aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.It’s like I look back on some actions and cringe but I have to remind myself the choices I made were made to the best of my ability in those circumstances.",7.954350877192982,9.13026761052632,6.235526315789473,78.55785087719302,62.368421052631575,8.85964912280702,36.88596491228071,8.841846274778883,3.2466491228070176,433,20,72,6,6,126,70,95,0.111,0.74,0.149,0.7761,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,0,1,3,0,4,3,2,3,1,18,11,5,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,7,1,11,3,17,4,4,14,0,1,1,0,1,7,0,2,7,51,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4087199418191709,0.1672535365529927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22826574498404034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142058062167793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193334931049664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21253105081082047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18265555458967567,0.24334063215322546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4116308050309234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314484286116996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076401074524052,0.1507956451512459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335268141991856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21766939009940056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3453609481178057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14767657742537998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rolypoly-pudding,2020/02/10,"I've accidentally isolated myself I had a traumatic event happen in 2018 and since then, I have managed to distance myself from everyone in my life and now dont really leave my house except to go to work. My marriage is great, my job is fine. I talk to people all day at work but..I find myself overthinking every social interaction, and I often walk away in the middle of conversations because I just cant handle the pressure of having a conversation sometimes. In fact, I cant even post on social media most of the time because I just overthink until I've convinced myself what I have to say is not important. I dont know what to do. I'm lonely and I want to reach out, but every attempt ends in me laying awake till 3 am thinking about how much I hate myself and how I'm an awful person, and maybe that's why I hold everyone at arms length. I miss having friends and doing things. Idk hope you all are having a good night thanks if you read my rant",5.818366477272729,5.625380505208337,6.889147727272725,76.75926136363638,66.86458333333334,9.273484848484847,28.91287878787879,8.841846274778883,2.1686083333333337,755,22,145,11,11,255,120,192,0.125,0.74,0.135,0.2336,1,2,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,3,8,11,1,1,7,1,17,2,1,2,3,27,28,14,0,3,6,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,4,8,0,1,3,1,0,2,5,4,0,0,1,1,26,7,25,27,4,23,0,2,0,0,12,11,0,4,9,101,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995127313372052,0.0,0.0,0.18160725502699016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606581266430947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491561533819265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193288482475474,0.0,0.0,0.09838558524482162,0.0,0.2510076686119934,0.2846721735856532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361452331943698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508485162034585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465646299084269,0.12493919660939852,0.0,0.16422710662645626,0.0,0.0,0.13172337686807772,0.0,0.0,0.14706553157713306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794925186845692,0.0,0.17187793624589898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478181776185823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186361350392549,0.0,0.0,0.1577253846491192,0.0,0.0,0.10521368775135022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964868383077984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950152653893172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397873206594391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326896421058228,0.1300646855353704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426609233066645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899866013820562,0.0,0.09542653323814372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845765858547808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232198863247942,0.0,0.0,0.30368855789762744,0.0,0.0,0.14732361689954826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972707920216855,0.0,0.13714083539621744,0.0,0.0,0.09896130877577802,0.0954464959370306,0.0,0.0,0.08685881171406024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785949414479377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344117417894364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168869056153118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Heckintechin,2020/02/10,Does anyone else obsese over a song and listen to it back to back. So I've been binging this song https://youtu.be/uxyM7vhU0uU does anyone else like super binge a single song.,4.323709677419355,7.694338709677421,2.6583064516129045,89.80745967741936,81.25806451612901,4.390322580645162,14.201612903225806,5.985473137389443,-0.5443612903225805,144,2,23,1,4,40,23,31,0.0,0.802,0.198,0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658223665177627,0.5360637604138945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40229614578631395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4578417803511041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4370530376652049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780061989005884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,winterwritings,2020/02/10,"Black outs? Does anyone else black out when they get really really overwhelming feelings of anxiety. I’m a recovering alcoholic so I’m no stranger to black outs I also have/have had petit mal seizures which present kind of like a black out. Does anyone else black out when they’re overwhelmed, come to with no memory of how they got to where they are or what they have done. Or am I just having seizures when I’m overwhelmed.",3.339146341463416,5.835913097560978,3.5172560975609737,88.10198170731708,76.5609756097561,7.514634146341463,23.664634146341466,8.472884824447931,1.5586780487804877,342,11,67,7,8,105,48,82,0.085,0.856,0.059000000000000004,-0.4678,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,4,0,8,5,0,3,2,0,6,1,0,1,0,12,13,8,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,6,6,2,12,10,0,11,0,3,5,0,4,6,0,2,5,40,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372026158142828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749749916199906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697951261375504,0.0,0.0,0.31039248344965786,0.4548386788541316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19119475791191576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884689954387786,0.2271372383651164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708301902134594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222722186570384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596243499950652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751785534627598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311321931123053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843610294165816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28438037868775884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dulcetdreamer,2020/02/10,"What were your diagnosis stories? Hey ya'll, Let me start off by saying that I am a person without BPD. However, I browse this subreddit because I find a lot of behaviors I can relate to, so it helps to know that others go through similar experiences and feelings, in a serious way, not in an ""I'm quirky"" type way(not self diagnosing at all, nor do I want to ever come off that way). It also helps to know this because I'm exploring my own mental health and being extremely open to getting help for the very first time in my life, no stigmas attached. Having grown up in a household that didn't believe in and mental illnesses or disorders, this experience scares me. This leads me to ask: what are your diagnoses stories? What are your experiences? How do you cope? What do you each go through throughout the day, or even weeks? I want to learn more. Please only share as much as you're comfortable with sharing. Thank you so much and I truly look forward to reading your stories and learning from each one of you.",5.05938564026647,6.516804461139897,5.6216617320503355,79.31193005181349,69.15544041450778,8.830347890451517,32.43856402664693,9.23628265651192,2.945826350851221,803,36,148,16,14,259,124,193,0.057,0.812,0.131,0.9493,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,8,0,2,6,6,0,1,7,0,12,5,0,2,2,28,27,14,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,15,10,0,0,7,1,0,7,5,2,0,2,2,3,20,4,28,23,8,25,0,0,1,0,18,11,0,3,7,108,35,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410858727200598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170503869439532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587186624278611,0.0,0.0,0.1466734772988294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16396296162736987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121425160016241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395830490835089,0.0,0.0,0.26426928185937504,0.0,0.0,0.14920284414684634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598570850002456,0.11775943486550824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820365933438087,0.0,0.0,0.06582525149403247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189863769777708,0.11073496455810004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801608665709652,0.0,0.14797383033825778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838015496873346,0.0,0.0,0.2617800039755947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309211639065192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312258616241446,0.09195324155147386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932228634215753,0.0,0.0,0.11067830177231018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623909385238119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19140133827236366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821646237171085,0.09901126385489477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367218184210942,0.0,0.1429036103942857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302198419174653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352802877962712,0.13033750761387436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581094264231125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214533850978823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985649997899125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591169423974943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741593902838932,0.1535725143819578,0.3100034565001165,0.10442624322194226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254933204277869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Raeill,2020/02/10,"Boyfriend left me. Not sure what to do. I'm just here to ask for help. To hear similar stories or just get some fucking kindness thrown my way. I had been fighting with my boyfriend all day. He said it felt like I made everything seem like it always 100% his fault. He argued for hours. Then he went out. He drank. I kept calling him and pestering him. He got drunk. Told me he's tired of feeling jealous about stuff I did in my past, and that I'm a ""thot"" (yes, he used that word) that ruined his ""entire game"" and ruined his life life. He kept telling me to go fuck myself on the phone. He was drunk and kicking things on the street and screaming at me to go fuck myself. I could only cry and say that I understand, that I'm worthless and that he deserved better. He said I was just taking all of his money away (we are long distance and coming to visit me is expensive) and that I ruined his life and was a thot. He said I should just go back to fucking the people from my past, that it was all I wanted to do. That I didn't want to be with him. I didn't even have strength in me to argue. I just kept repeating that I wanted nothing else but him and that I loved him. I asked him if he didn't want to be with me. He said no. I asked him if he loved me. He said no. It was supposed to hurt so much but I was just numb. I started dissociating. The call ended abruptly with him telling me to go fuck myself again, and then I managed to keep it together until I called a suicide hotline. I spent an hour on the phone with a volunteer. Mostly crying. The guy couldn't understand half the shit I said. I was just letting it all out. Snot all over the place. I just hung up and I'm writing this post. I started dissociating again. I don't even feel human. I'm sleep deprived and I have work in 2 hours. I have no idea what I'm going to do. He left. And I have nothing else. Can someone please help me.",0.2582774986041301,2.408429690954776,1.9422479061976536,96.89055220547182,86.26130653266333,4.643305415968733,19.397208263539923,5.953557352011769,-0.2533194416527076,1459,42,336,11,45,475,177,398,0.17300000000000001,0.747,0.08,-0.9828,0,0,0,0,3,1,54.0,1,0,0,3,16,27,10,0,13,1,30,17,2,2,6,68,84,24,1,9,14,0,3,2,0,1,5,9,0,2,22,24,3,4,7,3,3,8,9,19,0,1,29,12,61,8,39,49,8,44,0,6,0,7,62,16,6,6,20,215,83,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348619705604484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139854936319517,0.0,0.0716846507624081,0.058668590053202886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674795390286371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337269142512256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572412531468365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06091788750019251,0.0,0.16761993391212168,0.04920601347061767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747467638880502,0.0,0.06757754010356913,0.0,0.0,0.1007884553017453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857188355924826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715730362250303,0.0,0.0732582170018989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35268218521156186,0.03986264944154324,0.0,0.21681006711817807,0.0,0.06102262372563404,0.0,0.0,0.07554719280256356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599359292706993,0.0,0.10228212218769432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254150116813751,0.0,0.08167877866672901,0.08613135705607622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781732719369532,0.0,0.07945281235884799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579638947975214,0.07802005739755816,0.16167498072005762,0.07455087258884842,0.0,0.0,0.06752148746021874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137724170872725,0.07219518179209773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608794055337942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642032106681685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058028203264764176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567049036799795,0.052895550488904736,0.0,0.07971535782589814,0.08375248863989053,0.0,0.0,0.07307256472693628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4354622420744582,0.060675374333458376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945899661154947,0.0,0.0,0.07831898431952042,0.0,0.0,0.07635328064244708,0.0,0.06464719947826443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800848761576848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734316078710902,0.08345782414143336,0.0,0.07191013076511142,0.0,0.05736673519001977,0.0,0.1333759428663033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05068911986105551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769353285650229,0.0,0.07290617973073048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885819029852696,0.0,0.0658971293809908,0.0,0.0,0.1800105711911203,0.06056194311027008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072917634106017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554598302624128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,airbear13,2020/02/10,"I said something to my friend that I now regret I did that thing where you think you have a super solid reason for a complainy/bitchy question and ask him it only to regret it and feel weird later. When I woke up this morning I had 0 doubt in my mind that I was right to ask it, but like 7 hours later I am looking back (I’m too anxious to check and see what his Reply was) and thinking it was unbelievably cringey and wondering why I sent it. I’ve been feeling ignored and neglected by him for a while now and it’s making me stressed to the point where I just want to burn bridges and forget about him butttt idk if this is me ”radically accepting” that it’s going nowhere or me being overly paranoid and unfun. The thing I hate most about this is how hard it is to just make a decision and stick with it. But I keep going back and forth between thinking I have to stand up for my feelings and then realizing that doing that might be whats fucking up the relationship in the first place 😔",6.887142857142855,5.4211198078817775,7.0915320197044345,80.37631280788179,65.20689655172414,9.696354679802957,33.10788177339901,8.238735603445708,2.301130443349754,783,26,164,8,10,254,120,203,0.16,0.764,0.076,-0.9473,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,2,13,13,2,2,8,0,16,1,0,4,0,45,39,20,0,4,6,0,4,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,22,13,0,3,12,0,1,3,0,9,0,1,9,7,24,4,22,27,1,26,0,3,2,1,13,11,1,7,12,123,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801742717599652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981965690196581,0.0,0.0,0.2452704428624923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24192339562454626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356590772903617,0.0,0.0,0.12321882147190975,0.1474426361330783,0.0,0.0,0.18127962894932093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428685164333972,0.1574598326794089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706200908301987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417588684120773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791701453482369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133928434904303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21291686312163285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16918990055202918,0.16103583149849354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129661800596167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662937612076367,0.0,0.1507662284824953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17866130363592497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639786141669679,0.0,0.17122874146446962,0.0,0.13620054121260566,0.15170811852736485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270900372495276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278044688855255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18269116861010815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21191139697335049,0.3065773968701491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406922953989996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439116980392664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729562318919911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chikitawt,2020/02/10,"Anniversary Break Up My SO and I broke up a day after our 1 year anniversary. He says I always got too aggressive when I'm upset so when I say something tactless, he doesn't communicate that with me in fear of upsetting me. So he built up resentment of all the little things I've said that upset him and developed this fear to communicate with me. I never even noticed he was unhappy. I thought I was doing so good with handling my emotions. He was a very kind, patient individual. I can't help but think that the best thing I can do is get out of his life. I feel like a monster. I'm crushed and heartbroken but I'm proud of myself for finding better coping mechanisms. I thought of self-harming but opted to paint instead. I got up for work instead of laying in bed today. I'm still trying my best and I guess I just have to try harder.",1.9112941176470601,4.137299541176476,3.858235294117648,85.21205882352943,80.05882352941177,6.8235294117647065,25.294117647058826,7.928766900206844,1.6074705882352944,662,26,132,12,17,224,103,170,0.157,0.691,0.151,0.7096,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,5,12,15,2,5,5,0,10,1,0,0,2,20,23,13,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,6,8,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,8,4,23,7,22,15,3,17,0,1,0,0,12,8,0,1,9,89,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256593106885636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33439031794190344,0.14090445379066474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274738907672576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921210719154534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522850664903308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585556882847833,0.08055632773569682,0.11381731962517147,0.0,0.0,0.14561441638811565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323745133803774,0.0,0.0,0.13362897672887428,0.2548434559188301,0.0,0.1755075229243295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678797430203922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590592183512984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253151783934708,0.07783507514249015,0.15967920386581425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287641231558084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813854094720806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515485786487079,0.2533932685987037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16620416264691032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265132803988325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723212913536658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21168854589005096,0.10208499758723924,0.0,0.2529625223747537,0.0,0.0,0.1510155102470145,0.0,0.0,0.21633389487019852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145462253483406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159859197505271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259602700384836 bpd,redroses16,2020/02/10,"BPD - Fears of being hated / rejected My husband has a HUGE family. They are all very close and family oriented. I am unfortunately not liked by pretty much most of them. I don't know exactly why, but whatever. My family isn't big and I grew up in a crappy home. My parents would spoil us rotten but never give us the real attention and love we needed. In my eyes, I would have rather been loved then given food or things I didn't need. Anyway, since I am not liked by my in laws this makes things REALLY hard especially with my BPD. Its hard to let go of being rejected and hated for whatever reason they may possibly have. I have seem to be obsessed with constantly hating the fact that I am rejected by so many people. It's painful. My husband doesn't care to hang out with them anymore etc. But I have them on social media and I keep seeing all the fun they have with each other... and it makes me jealous. But EVERY single time I have tried to get close or get on their good side I get nothing but attitude and they definitely make it known they aren't interested and aren't going to change. But my heart wont let go.... I've been going on and on for the last 8 years. But I feel like me being filled with sadness due to being so rejected I feel like I can't live my life to my full potential. Like my life consist of them and what they think. I see my therapist but what she says just doesn't click. Its like I can't stop this. I can't stop this obsession and wanting to have a close bond as they have with everyone else. I have tried but fall right back into it. Then I just get depressed all over again. It's like a roller coaster. I'll be okay and let it go and suddenly it starts all over. Can anyone relate? And maybe give some advice of what I should do? I feel like I am missing out on my own life with my own family ( husband and daughter ) because I am to obsessed with being accepted by family who has already made it clear its not going to happen..",2.3163769148557165,4.109761172069828,3.9446198788742457,87.18804488778058,76.93017456359101,7.375874599216247,21.681581759885997,8.238735603445708,1.083926056287852,1534,41,323,28,35,512,193,401,0.19,0.684,0.125,-0.9832,1,4,0,0,0,0,42.0,3,0,12,0,8,33,4,4,8,1,46,9,2,5,8,84,84,31,0,7,17,5,5,8,0,5,4,1,1,0,22,31,1,3,10,1,0,10,15,17,0,0,5,11,56,16,44,64,13,46,0,7,4,2,28,22,0,6,22,229,78,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759391177341783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857569558730669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706927068039246,0.054337930490938886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05975561367281222,0.0,0.047372420791180786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19575070237024725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923240749929393,0.0,0.0822088301722571,0.0,0.0,0.08397889924281808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693310016819358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491827661486761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666925188809455,0.0,0.0,0.06547558299657917,0.07425700031992344,0.0,0.0,0.3662990670722326,0.08744743334113182,0.11788033485518698,0.16655207761897114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396947416893303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240493100948902,0.14909657013392658,0.2649926019904353,0.06518101046362794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872032988002029,0.0,0.13922910195564292,0.2301730812917765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208891316478356,0.0,0.0,0.07795131903319802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907386048368012,0.0,0.0,0.04270839891080558,0.0633455275746719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383968868700264,0.16467052778507513,0.3037286655329854,0.0,0.06862098487294811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027595244092025,0.07353282886626182,0.15561978445470054,0.07878761575953867,0.07807199574955845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057127149371956426,0.11524470011224773,0.05993616738624865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745666133410017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269088457162857,0.0,0.08628980979926837,0.0,0.0,0.05387561005231909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876084313600704,0.0,0.07906088657143252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845309546438536,0.04978419927694081,0.07990072186772176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636549294519997,0.0,0.061799580062099485,0.0,0.0,0.12385256175043902,0.0707459470878205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428404310116463,0.0,0.0,0.0792174417924834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05500484546756409,0.0,0.0,0.1299411680222199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902294443028183,0.10325659645426392,0.0497946138539538,0.0,0.0,0.04531440307634058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055224862926374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18695556768006336,0.0,0.0,0.06412041262816799,0.04583646095536095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012285484275843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040853325584124,0.0,0.0,0.0500438817490362 bpd,Anastasia_Ives,2020/02/10,"New to the group, not new to QBPD I’m so glad I found this group. I’ve been doing this on my own since I was a child (35f), with no meds. Is anyone else QBPD?",-2.836216216216215,-1.2060427297297274,-0.2661621621621606,110.15102702702706,97.91891891891892,2.9600000000000004,7.4,3.1291,-2.730963243243244,117,0,35,0,5,39,29,37,0.061,0.8320000000000001,0.107,0.3952,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,3,1,4,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319429213543314,0.3398813358683739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771054140505379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36370850231582896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684607132403522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6407450507425486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27439817119715715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shiroganemegami,2020/02/10,"I've been so unhappy for 2 months with no break. I just don't want to be here anymore... I've been just so shit for so long now, I feel so hopeless. I've tried so hard to do better but it just gets worse and worse.. I'm starting to get left behind by everyone and it feels so shit. Everyone is starting to get new friends, jobs, and I just feel so left behind. I Don't know what to do anymore. Ever since December I've just felt pure awful nonstop nothing even slightly good has happened to me or at least anything that I perceive as good. Just in the past 2 months The most important person to me killed herself, My cats really ill and dying soon, All my friends have just kinda moved on without me and found new people, It's so obvious that everyone's seriously just better off without me, They just all to have really short tempers around me now, I just know everyone would be better off without me too so maybe it's more that I don't know how much of it is me thinking it and it being true. I've hit this point in my life where I just feel like I have nothing left, Everything I used to enjoy I just don't like anymore. I don't have anywhere my life can go my life is pretty much just waiting for me to kill myself. I feel so fucking trapped and like idk it's just so fucked.. My life is so shit and it's never going to get better I just have so many fucking issues and I can't cope with any of them my self esteem is the lowest it has ever been, My anxiety is the worse it has ever been I can't even leave the house anymore at all I don't know what the fuck to do anymore I just want to end it all idk lol needed to vent sorry",1.8535344827586224,3.3099391235632183,3.500919540229884,91.33603448275862,77.30459770114942,6.294252873563218,23.20689655172414,6.953978226594392,0.6297620689655168,1277,39,285,13,29,425,147,348,0.213,0.66,0.127,-0.9872,2,1,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,2,4,42,25,10,0,6,2,34,12,3,2,11,66,66,26,3,4,21,0,7,3,2,1,5,0,0,2,18,12,0,1,13,0,0,3,13,12,0,0,6,7,38,13,36,55,9,34,0,1,0,4,7,14,7,3,19,195,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04871777937242033,0.0,0.05480454197890131,0.0,0.35523904372382165,0.0,0.0,0.058953764395525125,0.06377494922689199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25343967142585977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435119681173005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634519359725772,0.0,0.0,0.09463532710394612,0.19440793416390864,0.0,0.2738210500820044,0.06438557482933059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811171389846576,0.05117975924882832,0.06878580794070882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854976016667739,0.1106980514543798,0.2649207698346595,0.14971614984419965,0.0,0.08142953103003653,0.12017676888146565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335117500255465,0.0,0.06417553014399073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266314967841272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477373571721459,0.0710918248645577,0.0,0.15851849064920132,0.0,0.1574862785554812,0.0,0.0,0.07585660710216055,0.2335117971214393,0.0,0.2024063124976033,0.10499932049074838,0.0,0.0,0.06339930533921127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263189863510434,0.0719721903862246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436501714284562,0.07614217426127212,0.10532755135426372,0.05312028607600289,0.0552533236627054,0.13838106545034234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374813706325657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838865852292213,0.04966628080442577,0.06255344230398588,0.0,0.0,0.0677231267056988,0.0,0.0,0.07288381865728122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178906813346048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473633238276288,0.0,0.2206128472949708,0.0592614976017115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019531677866236,0.10141457694653017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045904134947460574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048638979960522064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06187411420793085,0.0,0.0,0.08451046915958071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20717573248885676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190223929008883,0.050891128755333234,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,NewMeWhoDiss,2020/02/10,"[TW: Self harm urges] I'm a fucking MESS. Emotion mind has won again, and I'm without the man I love. Things with my boyfriend have been very challenging lately. But I've been doing a pretty good job of keeping myself and my emotions in check. When we met, I was in the middle of DBT therapy which was hugely instrumental in my progress. But ever since it ended in December, I've felt myself slipping. I've started to hate myself. I've been struggling with guilt and self loathing over past behaviors. I've started to become emotional instead of the wise, tough bitch I was when we started seeing each other. He's done some messing up lately too, nothing I can't get past. In a drunken fit of rage, I dumped him today. I regretted it very shortly thereafter (as ya do). He's so right for me in so many ways. I thought he was my person. He's so patient with me and so supportive. But he doesn't do second chances when someone ends the relationship. It's done. He's gone. I hate myself. I really hate myself so much, I shouldn't be here at all. It's ALL I can do not to self injure, but I've been six months clean and I refuse to give this bullshit disorder even more power over me right now. This is the worst I've felt in a very long time. I don't know how I'm going to get up and go to work tomorrow like everything is okay. Everything IS NOT OKAY.",1.9156270903010049,3.930113489130438,3.3855072463768114,89.69734113712376,78.96376811594203,6.275139353400222,24.02118171683389,7.321109707123232,1.0017763656633227,1057,37,221,14,26,347,151,276,0.18100000000000002,0.728,0.091,-0.9766,2,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,2,1,0,5,16,24,7,2,9,2,25,3,0,1,3,33,51,20,0,2,7,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,5,9,12,0,2,4,0,1,3,7,15,0,2,16,3,29,9,28,33,7,42,0,1,1,2,20,18,2,1,21,137,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232044483964276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655782549251525,0.0,0.0,0.2081502737251106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431988332648321,0.1801532867652084,0.0,0.0,0.0671723603092454,0.09199411537786856,0.0,0.0,0.18280408230229847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19529726230378006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402066833451238,0.10626884768307844,0.0975605888512456,0.11559771526238875,0.08530173104637698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012251902020324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092226277399777,0.09039626460841302,0.0,0.0,0.055892050942411,0.0,0.2294456630664457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049685830186744176,0.0,0.0,0.09000192870731433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178886214158066,0.0,0.0,0.10310855817517177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268872627607284,0.0,0.0811765370647926,0.0,0.07476172425851035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758457487863992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416967223336692,0.0,0.08880113787553492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346618493077417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515207952246392,0.0,0.0,0.10918850295131896,0.0,0.17370370264912224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104229925781907,0.0,0.3182880643393775,0.0,0.0,0.08412787890499418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617068221428417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21595285962649646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063196645010046,0.0,0.0,0.11540876138743306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630362608401625,0.0,0.06756543322092935,0.0,0.0,0.08073900428125406,0.059302502312419285,0.0,0.096400382269325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517412120655669,0.0,0.08072529044029587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803585599549347,0.0,0.0740393286988951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ScarlettLux,2020/02/10,"Just a gratuitous “I have BPD” post I have borderline personality disorder... also known as emotional dysregulation disorder which is a simpler, yet much more accurate description. I feel like speaking up about it just because it’s been impacting my life for a very long time and I’ve been pretty ashamed to make it public but also want to fight stigma. It’s also been flaring up pretty badly lately and I need some kind of outlet. For me, the biggest way that this disorder presents itself is an almost blind focus on romantic relationships to the detriment of almost everything else. I appear okay 95% of the time but anytime a relationship issue is involved, I become completely impulsive and dysregulated at the expense of everything else in my life. I have left jobs, moved towns (and now countries, lol) fucked up friendships, etc, because of how unhealthily attached I can become. Not to say anything about the relationships themselves, it’s just how I react to them and my need for them. Additionally, I have an extreme core sense of emptiness that never seems to go away and manifests itself as me striving for something to fill the space, which often is a relationship. However, the sad part is, it never becomes enough in the end and I am left seeking out attention in other ways. It’s this desire for stimulation or excitement that never ends up being satisfied and leaves me feeling completely discontented with my life unless I’m in the middle of something very exciting, which of course we know, life rarely is. It’s a never ending FOMO, if you will, a constant rat race to feel something other than empty. I’m lonely and bored nearly all of the time unless I am around others. I don’t know what it means to have inner peace. I often find it very difficult to make decisions and have extremely black & white thinking about people that burn bridges because I will blow up and become angry but then later on realize it was really me who overreacted. Overreaction. That’s a biggie. There’s a Modest Mouse lyric - “Changed my mind so much I can’t even trust it. My mind changed me so much I can’t even trust myself”. Hard relate. The searing indecision that cuts through everything to the point where I really don’t know who I am, what I want, where I need to be. Lately I have struggled with suicidal thoughts. I have in the past too but I just wanted to say that because damn, I know I feel better and less alone when someone admits that they have had some too. Less ashamed. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever really be happy because I seem to fuck myself over every time that I am. I start the pursuit of something more, intangible, to fill that sense of emptiness that always comes up again & again. I clearly remember being happy for years, in stable, loving, amazing relationships. Yeah, multiple ones were good. But I let myself be selfish and I let that demon inside of me trick me into believing - I could be happier. But I never am. I could wax on about the reasons why I’m like this now but would any of it make a difference? Was it inconsistent parenting and emotional neglect? Yeah, probably. Research shows some kind of abuse in the formative years leads to an inability to feel whole and to constantly be striving for an unattainable love. Even though I’ve been given great love, I’ll never be able to truly have what I actually need - self love. Self loathing takes it’s place so maybe if I just keep running & running I’ll be able to smother that. Every inconvenience feels like the end of the world. Emotional turbulence. Inability to go on when something in a relationship or close friendship is going wrong....",5.685982142857143,7.4596162529761925,6.2629095238095225,74.09875714285717,68.01785714285714,9.18552380952381,31.14833333333333,9.592334608150935,3.1420191904761907,2910,119,487,64,50,946,312,672,0.16,0.66,0.18,0.9598,3,3,5,0,2,0,83.0,1,1,3,2,37,39,7,4,33,4,51,11,0,9,9,109,96,43,1,14,20,1,7,3,0,3,5,3,0,3,44,24,0,2,24,1,1,11,11,19,0,1,10,13,59,20,80,70,15,86,1,3,3,6,28,38,3,17,37,350,103,3,0.10287683097943197,0.06094611108336687,0.050196473437322885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301628569845503,0.05327468543290584,0.0,0.1234058468488147,0.042800882332994485,0.16720050507709286,0.0,0.03497988643143374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042329433110992784,0.04579109536322662,0.0,0.0,0.04832808460168268,0.0,0.04294892834986247,0.15678190324209765,0.22723875438933255,0.0,0.05795347963318132,0.0,0.045493098402157435,0.0,0.0,0.06478488362219874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883004619525237,0.044309640275813536,0.10786439996831687,0.11117330662499324,0.0,0.08213877837315119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05374219607809939,0.17685864169961965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594039141669296,0.17358388201345354,0.1822366735731688,0.05314963355606411,0.057367430402095486,0.10192376491112093,0.04652899171531158,0.08667816714150857,0.0,0.13868859322193722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605285053832546,0.073495228607469,0.0,0.0,0.047013779872131733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510797250531576,0.0,0.0,0.08770091076466721,0.0431441024336808,0.0,0.056711034670970877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951429956450424,0.04607871674431621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05368834165136256,0.0510446902958266,0.045720827139687135,0.0,0.1071303883518016,0.11307683168946925,0.0,0.11604954634414767,0.054465854882737454,0.11177597787269776,0.10519852979501816,0.14532989630023244,0.07539063466064587,0.0,0.0,0.045521379035861086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857007130771732,0.0,0.10300662529568316,0.0,0.051676802152375856,0.05603151415652685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387627240132703,0.0,0.0,0.05467089515597956,0.11343946189465168,0.15256373324731348,0.2380348626203811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034856001572487805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05711627307526791,0.05570279133836577,0.049103787962966654,0.03566092060004745,0.04491404033344309,0.05374219607809939,0.0,0.048625929002996136,0.0,0.049263783147803636,0.10466272199443434,0.055459311902237886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885829835585344,0.052887258179430116,0.0,0.33135364767808284,0.05826969743002367,0.0,0.0,0.08181178516848889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365520314012027,0.10732297131469397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04358360252046886,0.19799902648795376,0.05087390819620748,0.0,0.036408375235692535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05377460034723111,0.0,0.056265277753081634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0386752868584732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03295965965362526,0.05053798205154557,0.04083635617206819,0.11997661491533257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273262395370473,0.09101913053767496,0.08165883990915057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04641516924574704,0.057429153922548624,0.0,0.0,0.05578276738269775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03654037452365489,0.056239832400260766,0.0,0.0662493062013587 bpd,flannellinedlife,2020/02/10,"Do you ever fantasize about falling off the deep end Do any of you fantasize about falling or jumping off of the deep end? Giving up on, or letting go of everything you have been trying to hold on to. Becoming a nomad.. feeling like if you had nothing you'd have nothing to disappoint. And you couldn't be disappointed. Trying a new spot until it's not new anymore . But the fear of that alone-ness keeps you where you are?.",2.710993975903616,5.008497132530124,4.094804216867471,84.1838930722892,77.67469879518072,7.041566265060243,27.24246987951807,8.07648339933343,1.9641578313253008,334,14,63,6,8,110,55,83,0.07400000000000001,0.7929999999999999,0.133,0.6336,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,8,0,0,4,4,0,1,5,0,11,0,0,0,1,11,15,6,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,4,2,3,0,0,2,1,8,1,15,9,0,18,0,2,0,0,9,8,0,3,7,48,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448615751919006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21125957753579225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23526494268362685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773467310033718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926896774002666,0.0,0.0,0.19144952642675112,0.0,0.0,0.2397078324621663,0.10770981101992054,0.15218223486854268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20434914032826387,0.12106473533999673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893428399635948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21782839066458629,0.0,0.10407129359006163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114739911404584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.408798762298462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289254532680826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,skylyne2,2020/02/10,"Abnormal Jealousy Over Boyfriends Past My boyfriend is definitely faithful to me and doesn’t really raise any alarms or red flags on a daily basis. However, we’ve talked about sexual history before and he’s had 4 or so previous partners one of which he still has on all social media. I think my worst trait regarding my BPD is jealousy. It’s fiery and brings on a rage in me and I try to stifle it but it’s so hard. I have overstepped my boundaries by being suspicious and reading their conversations before, I felt extremely guilty afterwards and admitted it to him in a very vague, indirect way. I cannot help but continually get upset and annoyed with him over his past and the fact I see him like her posts and see her on his feed. I don’t know what to tell myself to feel better at this point. He tells me to fix up my jealousy or that will be the end of our relationship, and I get that, but I don’t think he understands that I just need reassurance no matter how much I tell him. It is quite annoying. Regardless, I cannot help but compare myself to everyone he’s been with before and lately my self image has been terrible. Has anyone ever had a situation alike?",4.387624140565318,5.770266229437232,5.647074102368222,78.77800611153556,70.68831168831169,9.41797810033104,27.87394957983193,9.773937934552695,2.628381512605042,933,33,180,23,17,312,140,231,0.20199999999999999,0.7290000000000001,0.069,-0.9846,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,1,2,7,11,3,2,6,0,19,1,0,1,3,36,32,21,0,2,8,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,11,13,1,0,7,1,0,1,6,7,0,1,5,6,33,4,23,24,3,22,1,0,3,0,28,11,0,4,9,121,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782606920456598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058648955814063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672290384817448,0.0,0.0,0.12722771417063095,0.0,0.0,0.18117984805519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741248799880686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012473246541026,0.0,0.13745924660388673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273721421907194,0.0,0.13812298701999445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031619487146808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886547650527386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928454283147813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905873268035135,0.0,0.16227426830093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028009708898499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057496920083632,0.10666637208795324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974796081373353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746510094529556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598910634280295,0.0,0.1377729532925256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300708736961358,0.14389354118887104,0.0,0.09215694811132796,0.0,0.0,0.1544460172966362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292670018291719,0.0,0.15007173393273618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169861125869234,0.0,0.14664166098506426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488247903791725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156248880803388,0.377205814840356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18435245366245914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766783874289588,0.0,0.0,0.14975772448880714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869512064620125,0.0,0.11418509519428585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,i99es,2020/02/10,"Just been diagnosed Hi, I’ve just been diagnosed with bpd, does anyone have any advice on what I should do now? Thanks",1.652898550724636,4.370680956521738,2.27826086956522,92.38376811594203,87.2608695652174,6.544927536231885,16.36231884057971,7.793537801064563,0.5159971014492761,94,2,19,2,3,29,19,23,0.0,0.873,0.127,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217034352085352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22387633920388555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301936001185595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4146326378022246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6682891571358469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28809678507886965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30309538355969623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tsukinin,2020/02/10,"Withholding of intimacy for months. My wife read in a book that she can help me by withholding sex. I feel hurt. Sometimes I cause problems but I don’t appreciate being held in love limbo for months. I have done a year of DBT and have been getting psychiatric treatment for 12 ... I miss my meds two days out of two months and have been held in limbo, feel like it is too much ...",1.7207000000000008,4.092235386666669,2.855583333333332,91.287375,81.8,6.416666666666668,21.375,7.645422480735847,0.7921,294,9,63,5,8,94,52,75,0.07200000000000001,0.752,0.175,0.8885,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,10,2,0,1,0,12,17,3,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,4,2,2,0,0,1,3,0,2,5,2,9,2,11,11,1,9,0,2,0,2,4,4,0,0,6,41,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209979635579085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874117407417194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22015287407365253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21755257412542947,0.15368904939258046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239664413231362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419723036080054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23030131583273256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510174327988492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416339404007693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23896114139472555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5151445911359724,0.0,0.15814544147993018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20585053608387727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151884054246216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21276925693557056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42030186834855615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385367878421712 bpd,__-amelia-__,2020/02/10,DAE look at things that could trigger depression I'm not sure if this is a bpd thing or if it's just a me thing but does anyone else look at things they know will most likely trigger some form of depression? For example I'll look at my ex's instagram posts or pictures of my current boyfriend with his ex... it's like I cant help myself... itll make me so depressed that I start to distance myself and wont want to talk to my boyfriend which is really irrational as hes not done anything. I know it doesn't make sense and I was just wondering if anyone else does this...,4.920504201680672,4.742908949579832,5.418151260504203,86.49596638655463,68.74789915966386,9.15294117647059,29.605042016806717,8.841846274778883,1.9926100840336136,451,15,100,7,7,145,75,119,0.18600000000000005,0.787,0.027000000000000003,-0.9598,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,2,0,11,0,0,4,1,25,22,10,0,5,10,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,13,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,3,14,3,11,16,3,6,0,3,3,0,7,3,0,8,4,65,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077214573808343,0.3043880193061345,0.12223353565981634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18707752030807567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185949415977526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38380485753702936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599719715599985,0.15200522143543527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481676962530089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956141623677832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326442291787188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513563656829095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742017472783857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982995925201344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225766686610095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515679319134612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513546026044623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999464046333174,0.0,0.0,0.1193886493457015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947263082321666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761114367812547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108235771070326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,canfishcry,2020/02/10,"Physical reaction to seeing an ex? I was swiping on tinder trying to put myself back out there when my exes photo popped up. The relationship ended a few moths ago, and I was completely blindsided by it, so there is a lot of hurt still, but the reaction I had to seeing his face was extremely intense. Does anyone else have intense physical reactions when you get intense emotions? The best way I can describe it is like someone is squeezing my heart, there’s a empty feeling all over, my chest gets tight and my lungs feel like all the air was punched out of them. I become hot and cold at the same time and very aware of myself. I differentiate this feeling from having panic attacks but maybe it is a different kind of panic attack? Or could it be a bpd reaction? I would like to understand this more because it’s really difficult to recover from.",6.353148148148152,6.944790611111113,7.1168888888888935,72.892,65.72839506172839,10.430617283950617,33.48395061728395,10.355215969177356,3.6046276543209874,677,28,118,16,10,225,105,162,0.142,0.723,0.135,-0.6406,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,1,1,8,11,2,2,11,0,15,4,4,0,2,20,23,10,0,2,3,1,6,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,5,9,16,5,18,15,7,16,0,1,2,0,5,7,0,2,10,89,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097285747359408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331133746820467,0.15138895028143556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361774960553548,0.0,0.11361184193058325,0.0,0.09006798946565678,0.1631800076514808,0.0,0.0,0.1550561636648967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18608793792379552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491471654518632,0.0,0.0,0.11796761093356267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436894979993465,0.0,0.0,0.12929840000529289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342748283965722,0.16620063639672192,0.13086404151424127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241229090813459,0.10555375555321313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438820067705442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508632918277273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581711181835519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386052997810082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165518707200184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561310643146342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484363174457642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467092796099388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485311433314152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465344310346983,0.0,0.0,0.15862989834564326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235477753526792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518943103488633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799459960484987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615513226383796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031362156569958,0.0,0.0,0.15381460155432405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191052415464812,0.0,0.11727832391085985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495848052646936,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lil_one_uwu,2020/02/11,Anyone else think really deeply about the little things and then fall into a time loop So I was at home and I was dissociating and I ended up thinking about paper and my mind went from what paper could be turned into o what paper could be used for. I know it sounds dumb but it got really dark and horrible and I got stuck on a 3 hour time loop just thinking about all the horrible things caused by paper ended up having a negative split because of it and thought of something else and it happend all over again. Does anyone else do this or is it just me ????,2.206534090909092,4.445215741071428,3.4469805194805225,88.48438311688312,79.08928571428572,6.215584415584416,19.11038961038961,7.348242739294969,0.4235607142857147,441,10,89,6,11,143,69,112,0.17600000000000002,0.8240000000000001,0.0,-0.9718,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,7,1,1,0,5,0,9,0,0,2,2,26,20,12,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,10,10,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,7,1,7,0,15,9,2,17,0,0,0,0,0,8,1,1,7,64,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22208619709916336,0.3254376245122733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680862599882296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631408141115805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535924781844169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897501790168698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39799417401528603,0.0,0.28131566224151744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25402848015453305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929859535075072,0.0,0.15639509121210782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727739364196548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916855829815124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035203995329078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20347450469955625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225909564195506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21101157722370772,0.30527560564778977,0.0,0.12607678086774776,0.1852058656286382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17273882725359055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716017602310815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147217737222219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,uselessrhubarbapple,2020/02/11,"bpd while hypomanic I was recently diagnosed with bipolar 2 alongside the already standing bpd. I'm not quite sure that's right though. I know you can't diagnose me but I'd appreciate some advice on a matter. My therapist says I'm currently hypomanic. However, texted with a friend last night, got really upset and split on him, hard. I was back to my 'happy' mood quite quickly. So isn't that just the normal BPD mood swing? Sure, generally my mood is pretty stable in the highs and lows (which got me the diagnosis in the first place) but I don't understand how these work together in the first place. I was told hypomania lasts at least 4 days? so say that happened on evening 3, it couldn't be consideret hypomanic, right? Or have I misunderstood something vital here?? Would really appreciate some second opinions!",4.002935982339956,6.726436754966887,5.293615894039736,75.03984988962475,75.49006622516556,9.324679911699779,27.94746136865342,9.725611199111238,3.2214579249448123,654,27,114,20,15,217,102,151,0.078,0.755,0.168,0.9462,2,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,5,9,10,0,1,8,0,11,3,0,1,2,22,19,10,0,3,5,0,1,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,6,3,13,5,10,10,3,25,0,1,0,0,6,13,0,4,11,70,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197935150571584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774953115886604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598414127156954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4716451371378877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050299051147349,0.0,0.0,0.253393246960172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244695605820047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21235530685952192,0.0,0.0,0.09644091338071888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19967086753342989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038396973963006,0.1328805012032201,0.11182033762046764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188641874023374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860157134328676,0.20350108362842512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171415411640188,0.12230380812332214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608349769488626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699378082331692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26553743689908105,0.0,0.0,0.15993455084083555,0.0,0.12325145351207405,0.0,0.0,0.21320289287925706,0.0,0.1985346399648168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609780633979093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352956545898338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14493359195066471,0.0,0.0,0.12264174471304105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192774029254661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299491513766766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908754322717507,0.0,0.0,0.08867341160314376,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dude12345632,2020/02/11,"I guess just venting So I’m really young, I’m engaged to a woman with BPD. She recently voluntarily decided to emit herself to the ER because she has started to hit herself. She hasn’t had voices in her head in a long time, but recently she has had a voice come into her head and it’s getting so bad to the point she feels she cannot stop herself. It’s so loud at times it drowns everything else out and the only way she can make it stop is by complying. I’m really proud of her that she is seeking help, she hasn’t really wanted me to stay with her for long periods of time in the hospital which is a bummer. I miss her already. I think maybe she just doesn’t want me to see her like this I don’t know. I love her so much and just want her to feel better, to be safe, and know that she is valuable beyond words. The voices in her head are lies. She is just so so tired. I’d trade in all that I have just to make the pain go away if I could. I wish she felt that she could have been more open to me, that she would have opened up about this sooner, not while she was in the hospital. She’s my best friend, and I love her so much. She doesn’t need to tackle this all on her own😔. On the bright side she is seeking help, and we will get through this ☺️ one day at a time.",2.5402139341158687,2.968027701438853,3.9961719045815975,92.47243657705415,74.14388489208632,7.579250283983339,22.545248012116623,7.669130373188453,0.5747453237410071,983,22,243,12,19,327,136,278,0.09300000000000001,0.7020000000000001,0.205,0.988,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,0,3,14,14,0,0,13,0,28,7,3,2,2,46,55,16,1,9,8,0,3,1,1,2,2,4,0,1,14,14,0,3,7,0,1,2,7,3,1,1,5,9,47,11,35,44,6,38,0,1,2,2,40,19,0,2,16,166,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317796320157552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219620504181677,0.0,0.09970820923657482,0.07279549648191191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532077693230473,0.1056146346039604,0.0,0.0,0.15040153456099042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286717395667748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906895192762832,0.0,0.0,0.07701408764531394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997575825343754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732430201015256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076164932986908,0.0,0.1146590497174216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226128009043658,0.0,0.12478091035351248,0.0,0.06786743462319407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155129171032154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676688898528739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008539946881656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125692336324216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05834111555308784,0.0,0.0,0.21136057918239545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21555701464829705,0.0,0.1594235532346847,0.0,0.1199704299886838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17557047462105235,0.08854619440455043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809200515931179,0.0908220117201976,0.12706811044034322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288766657594836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22950476940756398,0.0,0.2358197672628912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515989021251717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452396917549132,0.12728263598331285,0.0,0.19967592286054367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651759350872099,0.0,0.0,0.2785320584957564,0.1372522776991612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113057266121676,0.09478765837126672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373236597424983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483041250548587,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HaveMoiiicy,2020/02/11,"What is your Myers-Briggs personality type? Hi everyone! I'm new to this subreddit, introduced to it by my wonderful SO. I've read through several of the threads and was curious how our personality types cause us to experience our diagnoses differently. Here is a link to the test if you'd like to take it: [https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test](https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test) I am an INFJ, otherwise known as ""The Advocate."" If you've taken the test, what is your personality type and how do you feel about how it informs/relates to your BPD?",9.0475,12.495606793478265,8.647173913043478,53.54945652173916,62.58695652173913,11.121739130434783,32.15217391304348,10.9516,4.357691304347826,483,19,71,15,8,154,63,92,0.0,0.898,0.102,0.8463,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,3,5,0,0,6,1,0,0,6,0,7,1,0,4,0,12,12,9,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,6,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,10,1,11,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,12,0,0,3,2,48,16,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27893825048372345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227514398446406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22479104551054607,0.0,0.23139277734291766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21162751913126202,0.0,0.21664368161851005,0.0,0.0,0.11198370843730564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820081557776827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139005862933208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5801466236703942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215335373440916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502021319341713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16652058705809122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26640547561475586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401786755010633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Anon91274,2020/02/11,"Mental health services won’t help I’ve had a dozen suicide attempts in the last year most of them putting me in icu and a few leaving me in a coma, I get so frustrated I can’t do anything but self harm to calm down, I get seen by a CPN maybe every 2-3 weeks sometimes even 4 I can’t get any sort of DBT/CBT I find meeting with my CPN so stressful that I severely self harm for days before because I want help and I don’t understand why they won’t help me",5.364851485148511,3.575931227722773,6.307801980198017,85.81714851485151,68.40594059405942,9.268118811881187,33.071287128712875,7.554174236665415,1.994618217821782,358,13,85,3,5,120,69,101,0.23399999999999999,0.642,0.124,-0.9417,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,2,1,3,5,1,1,5,0,7,2,0,0,0,9,13,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,2,1,14,1,10,9,2,9,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,2,4,46,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519579524396013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515004072681761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222697989446563,0.0,0.1566573950523575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873067543277036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159775330049298,0.0,0.15511402655410614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826605683964674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885573708725868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956920078825335,0.0,0.0,0.3701994307858421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006784814447358,0.0,0.1949376259140403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18495538439820794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553169571716785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18507353983640049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841174489810117,0.2079830603181093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820817630805372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108884246871971,0.0,0.0,0.20137790346252504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916568616499925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858823543652246,0.0,0.1476756635830405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16612358180449713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855576761945145 bpd,essenceleft,2020/02/11,"By Any Means I know with relative certainty I'm not the only one who isolates herself. I suppose it's specific to people to actually know me. Because I'm on a downward slope regardless of my actions at this point. It's easier to think nothing is real. Nothing matters. In spite of how desperately I've clambered at my nearest... allies? It's a matter of accepting life is just fucking awful. So deal with it. I desperately tried to explain to one of my guardians that living to support others is a bit fucked. My dad stared at me for awhile before admitting that he shouldn't have to do it alone. Maybe people who don't know and love him, who haven't been given affection by him alone... maybe it will seem less pointed. But I know he means I'm the failure. It feels more and more like I can't fix me. But moreover, I'm ruining everyone else. I can only hurt people. I posted a response about urging my ex out of this white trash tomb of a town. It doesn't matter if I tried to help if she's still stuck here. If I only made things worse. If I'm worse than someone who hurt her when she was so young, and. I tried. That's what fucking hurts. I tried. I was happy if she was in my life. She didn't have to love me. I didn't want her to. I just. Fuck. I couldn't do one fucking thing right. I just wanted everyone to be happy. And I was okay when I wasn't making things blatantly worse. But. I never want to crawl out of the bed of my dead Papa's truck, ever again. He left it to me. Maybe thought I could be something. I can't. Everything and everyone is gone. I feel... complete. Like a game you weren't ready to finish but there's nothing left. Watching the final cutscene and realizing this is it. God. I hope she finds her way out. I'll never know. And she'll never know what happened to me. It's sweet, in a way. Keep trying. Everything feels hopeless but then you come to a point where you can't think of a single solution. Even if you're brave. Or strong. Or good. Never find your way here. And if you do. Maybe my calcified remains will someday serve as a ladder.",0.26514224598930625,2.630678021176472,2.19445989304813,93.09252406417114,89.96470588235294,5.067379679144385,19.962566844919785,6.6590880762095805,0.32095294117647066,1609,52,343,21,55,532,197,425,0.11900000000000001,0.763,0.11800000000000001,0.772,0,2,1,0,0,1,66.0,0,5,0,1,17,25,6,0,14,2,34,9,0,4,6,76,76,29,2,15,18,2,3,2,0,4,2,0,1,0,27,14,0,1,21,1,0,3,17,11,0,3,14,7,54,14,43,54,5,40,0,5,3,7,33,20,5,11,15,222,81,0,0.0,0.0,0.06909556735872445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666546726396973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04814989846132435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043162133967916176,0.0,0.06024992812488637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730083477474484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06099232724269262,0.07423780400554691,0.0,0.0,0.056532113764246286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299695277427659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059148578548867375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04676610315174596,0.06404726987869262,0.0,0.2029719323396376,0.12727012316005942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740356351283642,0.050583180162377776,0.0,0.07756353007229237,0.1294291639032868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272908867192742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0593879615778261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261271927975914,0.1507466988044708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04745916843837537,0.0,0.0,0.07032544408702464,0.0,0.0,0.2273949835028813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293482938141907,0.0,0.0,0.23347579936466845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538599044778271,0.0,0.10002347726267584,0.06918359423417779,0.0,0.06252220369215188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780874083722588,0.06699750102608881,0.047262956466451685,0.0,0.28453297369277464,0.1542550301047644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21843704358298893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038182195973375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393811195809478,0.16155141567350426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726203093558096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20080112741399764,0.0,0.06781171691443433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059170911150554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046717160548379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445830706756048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059992934512603034,0.05450922797890448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05654504720100473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803487924916206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111929393081715,0.09073810280960468,0.0,0.056211343254923406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24036008789096586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528805380822516,0.16860538660419475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164693488657697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DamewhosaysNi,2020/02/11,"My FP is my ex, today I let him go To start off I [24F] have recently been diagnosed with BPD. Suddenly a lot of things started to make sense. Then I browsed this sub and learned about FP’s en realised that my ex is my FP. We broke up 8 months ago. We were together for 6 years and had a really happy/good relationship for the most part. We broke up because we grew apart and it was a mutual decision. We decided to remain friends. It was hard for me, but it worked for a while. Then after a couple of months I realised that I still had feelings for him (or just craved the idea of being loved, sometimes I don’t even know what my motives are and what I feel) and I wanted to get back together, but he clearly moved on. He wasn’t seeing other girls but he was a lot happier than when we were together, which good for him I guess but it sure as hell felt like a punch in the gut for me. Tonight I visited him and told him that I think it’s best if we cut contact for a while, because of mental health reasons. He was sad, but very understanding. I also asked him to please tell me that there’s no chance of us getting back together, because I just needed to hear that in order to move on. And he did. My heart is shattered. But also, I’m kind of proud of myself. I have severe abandonment issues and I basically just asked someone to abandon me, so I feel like I kind of conquered a fear maybe? I don’t know. I feel like I already had five thousand moodswings on the car ride home alone, now I’m just in bed feeling empty, but also devastated, but also proud, but also confused, but also heartbroken. Well I guess it’s time to dissociate and just float on a cloud of nothingness for the next hour",2.6834314532729517,4.178906317002884,4.103733017702762,87.71388688760807,75.1671469740634,7.377892136681763,25.361156854672704,8.07648339933343,1.3832240428159737,1320,45,283,21,28,437,181,347,0.156,0.701,0.14300000000000002,-0.7375,0,1,0,0,0,0,39.0,8,0,0,6,21,22,2,2,15,0,22,5,2,3,2,63,50,34,0,3,17,2,7,3,1,0,2,1,2,1,17,17,0,2,16,0,0,7,5,9,1,2,14,9,46,13,42,34,5,42,1,5,1,1,32,11,1,8,26,196,63,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238065490414609,0.0,0.0,0.0962519134610694,0.10255531759194524,0.4459171854310173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376206173907266,0.0,0.0,0.14292148959176154,0.0,0.16995567099640813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752882052080132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704750504519693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283004191318146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432636430422453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061382232606558576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457693148733624,0.2349518873005951,0.1327845735032389,0.08923150777318115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180081425620387,0.0,0.09710867829094068,0.0,0.05281670775268299,0.15589777321283566,0.0,0.0,0.20475523105679452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325088398798151,0.0,0.0,0.09878482143832064,0.10474371708386948,0.11012760003153893,0.0,0.0,0.0932206862845442,0.0,0.09152157118664683,0.0,0.0,0.10491151943357684,0.0,0.09699927033831783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935535570956055,0.10214852823423838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950316243426153,0.0,0.1362090228063461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801884714097314,0.08387683953232128,0.0,0.062034370879350875,0.0,0.0933650015630694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365592203219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483585527549255,0.19754891940262065,0.0,0.06890961030784415,0.0,0.0,0.0988366887120862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063879697971492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201396030290967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059536096121047676,0.0955519447203629,0.09176141546370753,0.09977666491491878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405660961014493,0.0,0.0,0.10498931304365086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874293586219304,0.0,0.09191440492491824,0.0,0.13155876018667187,0.0,0.0742174567929833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758948354109122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122867966006747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061741423392549184,0.059548550740527575,0.0,0.0,0.05419074116695708,0.0,0.0880908555330672,0.08880271196317803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674789001545772,0.11178852737841256,0.0,0.0,0.07668053529024098,0.0548150615038818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355910202534647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765728158585352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059846646071517275 bpd,potato_island,2020/02/11,"Can’t deal with FP’s improving mental health Hey guys. I suffer from quiet BPD and I’ve noticed this strange flair up in my BPD when my FP talks about his mental health and I instantly split on him to complete hatred. He suffers from a variety of things but every time he talks about it to me I just get so angry and frustrated. It’s almost as though I don’t want him to get better out of fear of abandonment that once he gets better, I won’t have a purpose. I briefly mentioned that I may have quiet BPD to him long ago but never after. I know it’s irrational and I support him through his medication and therapy. In fact I sad the one who encouraged him, but it just eats me up inside and I feel like a horrible insane person. Anyone else experience this?",2.4512337662337664,4.456134512987016,4.101298701298703,85.2505194805195,77.24675324675326,7.257142857142857,23.98701298701299,8.192908349453996,1.4827064935064938,601,20,120,11,14,201,96,154,0.244,0.638,0.11800000000000001,-0.9767,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,7,11,1,1,4,0,6,4,0,0,2,21,13,13,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,2,3,2,0,2,10,8,1,1,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,0,3,22,5,21,11,0,12,0,4,0,0,19,6,0,2,7,79,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203874483095511,0.0,0.13599418496415291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496157096329387,0.13915348399814825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24022597191302905,0.0,0.0,0.5131441530703849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239429291089895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001423687272258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896762459870934,0.11345190138600315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144258562097708,0.0,0.0,0.13284832554564185,0.0,0.1528241059560882,0.06866966090653964,0.09702275368851453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128654961852775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447333871527314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887195446190981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463767238197316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634994874898385,0.0,0.0,0.12018765379577355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681437527014895,0.2737292507725905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474511195206852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462068482948174,0.0,0.14463331088890538,0.092028430122885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858413001751797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15411567793996164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21831800797098966,0.0,0.0,0.15531067109057242,0.0,0.09022618751789674,0.0,0.13343272148155122,0.0,0.07919195421163096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801043083605216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,opossumbastard,2020/02/11,"I need outside perspective on my relationship with my FP and if I'm being realistic or not Sorry if this is a lot of text or if it doesnt make sense: My ex is my FP, and they broke up with me a few months ago. We've actually been able to maintain a healthy friendship post breakup, which I've never been able to do with any previous partners. Like I said, the breakup was initiated by them, and it honestly felt out-of-nowhere. They couldn't put into words their reasoning for wanting to break up, and for once I genuinely do believe the ""it's not you, its me"" trope applies; they're a very blunt & honest and still say I'm ""one of the most important people in [their] life"" (this sounds irrelevant but hold on.) So I do believe them when they say I didn't do anything to cause it, if that makes sense. They don't have BPD, but I know they do have difficulties processing their feelings towards people & tend to push others away because of it. However, starting therapy has been helping them work on these things, and we've slowly started hanging out together more frequently. To the point we've talked about being roommates later this year. Theres a lot of other things but I dont wanna waste time listing everything. I just see so many things that make me feel like maybe the breakup was because they needed time to work on their own issues alone. Getting to my point, *I want to talk about our relationship with them*, as we haven't really touched the topic at all. I've had a feeling the breakup may not be permanent, but I'm hesitant to bring it up; I'm very self aware of how easily I idolized my FPs, and this could just be wishful thinking. I've been working so fucking hard with my own therapist to try and analyze the situation objectively; I truly feel like my view on the situation is reasonable, but I really want to get more outside perspective on the situation before I do anything. I'm trying so hard to not be impulsive in this relationship, and I don't want to risk fucking it up right now if im being irrational. If you take the time to read this (I appreciate you so much if you do), *please* share any thoughts on this you may have- thank you",6.758791365441404,6.207526618266982,7.1534792790958175,76.8423582119947,65.01873536299766,10.798452296100194,34.95866001425517,10.276239652853533,3.3676523571937675,1714,70,342,36,23,561,209,427,0.042,0.841,0.11699999999999999,0.9775,1,1,0,0,0,0,56.0,2,6,14,3,15,11,2,1,17,0,37,3,0,7,2,71,72,31,0,17,20,1,8,3,1,2,1,4,0,2,24,17,0,1,10,1,0,4,12,4,0,1,11,14,48,7,50,51,10,41,0,1,2,2,35,21,2,14,17,227,72,4,0.16723522774190544,0.0,0.0815987291522376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412196949847813,0.0,0.0,0.08660263021740652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811992993882144,0.0,0.11372568960481225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762034306670895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856150075528988,0.0,0.0,0.10194504261020093,0.0,0.07115243067591108,0.1884168334623106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531345749712426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589832297728382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676186064878957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799922070526401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515011965234497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16911831200534053,0.11947288011399575,0.08028602230903208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460627325483328,0.08737350411566552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980991571039196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0560471239940464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032137183521034,0.08727506434316508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04595405379395442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05906159354368135,0.12255402734557985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421774102378301,0.0,0.0,0.1674462196808213,0.08477513616168847,0.08400513210456281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667427816332248,0.0,0.06146856736111339,0.12400280234074648,0.06449105867966086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905002978886813,0.05666145919981366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593985003731827,0.0,0.0,0.0917870301321272,0.15809134541874828,0.0,0.08008256004501074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405879728022952,0.0,0.0,0.08364024198479712,0.0,0.10713516919420997,0.17194566710652734,0.0,0.2693220728369545,0.0,0.07140898536691355,0.07953949903218105,0.13299216543090706,0.0,0.0,0.06663241224618621,0.0,0.08723140759137102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819691042949051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360307285365342,0.118369954950714,0.0,0.066777134450618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287003929051235,0.13441734130110608,0.0,0.07698386447164865,0.09562402880874303,0.09708649453120216,0.16665548144112285,0.053578790637239984,0.0,0.06638304523543068,0.14627430924957216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354174202809535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379865771769718,0.19727934047503884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615612929651687,0.0,0.0,0.1826238563370849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538470018217343 bpd,jilmill2,2020/02/11,"DAE feel like they can’t feel self-pity? I always feel like I can’t pity myself because I have BPD. Like I tell myself I realize I can control it because I have BPD, when I want to say I’m sorry for myself. Since I know I can be accountable for myself it feels like I’m delving into sin by setting up a life of want and desire by wanting people to help me by being sorry for me.",3.6103614457831337,3.315095337349401,5.669542168674699,83.9811807228916,71.5301204819277,7.60385542168675,26.23855421686747,6.742157984588678,1.095459759036145,295,8,64,2,5,104,47,83,0.10300000000000001,0.6759999999999999,0.221,0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,1,6,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,1,0,13,18,2,0,4,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,6,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,17,4,11,16,0,4,1,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,41,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999331909719087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20512118267539745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4237973794575424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18870107537628072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402789118764972,0.3605827881251961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277107807165772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246305285276868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883642017489622,0.32878403745278223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663990003807835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337951780747997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755162294649062,0.0,0.0,0.1391740038596668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3766730095784289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14705354703391602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.297705782936324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sksksksksksksksksk01,2020/02/11,"Emotionally abused by boyfriend? Hi, I used to read this sub a lot. I was suggested (not diagnosed, bc I was a minor) that I had BPD when I was younger but last fall my psychologist thought I had bipolar instead. I just went with it bc he's the professional and I'm now realizing I don't think that's true at all. I still identify with almost every symptom, the only one excluded being the fits of rage. I still have lots of mood swings but I don't feel the RAGE I used to. I told my psychologist that I stopped getting angry over the summer. I think now that maybe it's bc that's when my relationship turned emotionally abusive. I tried to Google to see if that's possible, that maybe instead of lashing out with anger bc of fear of abandonment (as was typical for most of my life) I stopped feeling anger bc I was afraid that standing up to my boyfriend would make him leave me. Any time I tried he would tell me to shut up and sometimes would say he hated me, and I would get scared he'd leave. So maybe that's why it stopped, I trained myself to stop getting angry so he would stay. But of course no matter how you phrase the question, if ""abusive relationship"" and ""BPD"" are in the same search term all that comes up is how horrible BPD is, how horrible we are as partners, etc. Has anyone else been on that side of an emotionally abusive relationship? Does this disqualify me from having BPD?",3.3758695652173927,5.210385717391309,4.267536231884058,85.83978260869567,74.07246376811594,7.698550724637681,27.57971014492754,8.456263369488248,1.8529579710144928,1102,43,228,20,23,355,146,276,0.295,0.6809999999999999,0.024,-0.9982,0,0,0,0,1,0,31.0,1,1,0,0,14,11,5,3,10,0,24,4,0,6,3,49,42,18,0,7,7,0,2,0,1,5,4,1,0,1,16,10,0,5,7,1,0,3,4,9,0,1,11,4,35,1,31,24,8,30,0,1,1,0,18,11,0,7,14,148,51,2,0.0,0.3870460577101816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177725893985399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055536058420187114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057103154668323386,0.08367703734022873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114246727061182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034850658416489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288983508541722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146695333550687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822192816043947,0.27559164982420153,0.0,0.0,0.09107979731357316,0.0,0.0,0.06880759552437833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189757994664967,0.0825861288517049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800221425270827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062881638870814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656914287978312,0.0,0.1729461817780499,0.0,0.0,0.057683503539598474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885997066163186,0.0,0.0,0.05451306015816312,0.0,0.2461350961440356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055339371767779484,0.0621110957337686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206677105668426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148523278287472,0.0,0.08168865594550287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26303795427213816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494452304016199,0.08176246921734387,0.0,0.06507767158046941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077031191012964,0.0,0.0,0.08704568241850395,0.13043803393478073,0.2731075897928335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848828210582278,0.0,0.0,0.07138016938205716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046572628313814,0.0,0.06483412307484135,0.047620425441166174,0.0,0.0,0.07803589382524274,0.0,0.11089246133065957,0.08882976158560855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106736660063254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570571542334388,0.0736913642034665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900678906175109,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,L_Phenex,2020/02/11,"Where are my emotions? Hey there, guys. I kind of need a little advice. So I have dated this one guy and we really had a good time the last month. We nearly spent every day together, talked about everything and spent lot of time on fantastical dates. We also had sex and cuddled a lot. Yesterday he told me he never wanted a romantic relationship and just wanted to have fun. It is kind of weird how I reacted, to be honest. I have to admit I really fell in love with him. I loved every second we spent together and was always smiling when I was able to see and cuddle him. When he told me he just kind of used me to have fun, I wasn't even crying or something like that. I just nodded and said, that I have to go home. He asked me to stay as friends. I told him I don't want to keep him as a friend. When he begged me to be friends and said he wants to drive me home, I said: ""Thank you. But it's fine."" Then I went home. Since then I ignored any message and didn't talk with him at all. Strangely I feel fine. I don't miss him, nor am I sad or angry. I don't know what's going on. Normally I would cry about my ex so much and would try to stay in contact with him. Is this normal? Am I too worried right now and should just be glad, that I am not crying about an asshole?",1.1614052890528903,2.7333657601476027,3.008583948339485,93.60421663591637,79.59040590405905,6.1402829028290284,19.040744157441573,6.996647511020387,0.040236039360393334,975,21,229,11,24,326,142,271,0.065,0.732,0.203,0.9902,0,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,4,1,0,0,19,21,0,0,7,0,26,5,0,3,2,48,54,26,0,10,8,1,1,1,3,3,0,3,3,2,8,18,0,2,3,0,3,5,8,4,0,2,16,5,42,17,29,32,4,31,0,2,1,5,41,9,0,4,16,153,50,0,0.09569795475842158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351493382342296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652961984559098,0.07962836456232464,0.0,0.0,0.06507789085842529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946466942481976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153591290170764,0.06171726392491375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764731851065544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320759656903073,0.0,0.16125930860582952,0.0,0.08600715109712491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04838776132766997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22180800737194734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877470609888763,0.08026690409265341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895120416437032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879785540709741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506073924470241,0.0,0.29896408044856704,0.05259309321749981,0.07800660576398985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04675318680455602,0.09591449142272077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627179578887257,0.17274228093416788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638519447642765,0.0,0.07034900789524044,0.07095882086898783,0.07380816230146964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18752735412713112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484741082684206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226131206088497,0.0,0.0,0.10274378945075542,0.0,0.08172553047895073,0.27309200875917505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625887988649169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791623370915441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367296095208835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20400257350886966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538367821214413,0.0,0.08810581931584544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160449400440364,0.0,0.0,0.2743304904522805,0.0,0.06497262950223698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265230688377781,0.0,0.0,0.2257805326601149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871296281783872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718591834644558,0.0,0.13596216270385014,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,historykiid,2020/02/11,"splitting on therapists + venting about doctors just wondering if it’s normal to split on therapists/doctors? i’ve been to an average of 2 therapists a year since i was 17 or so because i get upset with what they say within a few sessions and just drop it. i always start out very optimistic and have no trouble spilling stuff to them at first and then i just stop being able to tell them anything. i recently found out that BPD was a thing and i tried to tell my doctor about how much i’m struggling and she said “eat better, try to go for a walk” and after the appointment i’m just really upset about it lol and i don’t even want to go back to her. also i don’t know how to bring BPD up to a doctor? like, i told her i’m having trouble wrt/ self-injury, volatile emotions, social relationships, dissociation, and generally bad functioning, and i don’t know what to do. i don’t want doctors to see me as attention-seeking but god if BPD doesn’t explain 90% of the shit happening in my life, like the fact that friendships feel like i’m walking on broken glass and this constant self-destructive urge in my veins. i’m not a very outwardly emotional person so i’m scared i won’t be taken seriously, but i feel like my emotions stretch forever—whatever emotion i’m feeling, it’s like i’ve never felt anything else and never will feel anything else, and it’s just entirely overwhelming, but i just don’t know how to bring it up!! i’ve got a referral to a psychiatrist but i ditch doctors so much that i don’t even know if it’s worth it. i keep trying to get help and then keep failing at it, over and over and over again, and idk if it’ll ever stop. add that to being absolutely terrible at communication and i just??? i don’t know how to get the help i need. i’ve also been referred to a DBT program, but there’s a 10-12 month waiting list and i feel like i’m literally going insane.",3.4362427227944465,4.726330727272732,5.0655082848186295,82.39116883116884,72.89610389610391,8.323331840573221,28.34079713390059,8.841846274778883,2.174152709359606,1490,58,304,29,29,505,185,385,0.121,0.746,0.133,0.7465,0,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,3,3,25,19,1,5,15,1,21,9,2,4,4,73,64,40,0,8,18,0,6,6,0,3,6,2,0,1,19,22,1,5,15,0,1,7,13,12,0,1,10,9,32,7,43,48,3,42,0,2,1,0,17,18,1,6,22,189,51,8,0.0737143544969373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789868531787605,0.0613362480752705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18198189864277325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056681788492589626,0.06154840695429833,0.04493558630943094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519435621906247,0.0,0.0,0.27852194698674343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965902970698903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4526985922335793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542818745914147,0.12315776872563675,0.3316749085127494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737527185718464,0.06667885386891949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18636096251091336,0.21064619832574594,0.0707773402715202,0.0,0.0,0.06270139227809943,0.0,0.0808239849178682,0.0,0.0,0.11553812333060055,0.0,0.12568069922572644,0.0,0.058956103225638025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518536023624744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988183559747844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104141049375462,0.0,0.0,0.20255740717301385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0520666285736401,0.21607866090801406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05883809448349131,0.0,0.10837706447516826,0.05465825982828471,0.11370610906769092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222441636760035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436453105152684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04722330305466161,0.0,0.07278403209973718,0.07914162990265135,0.0,0.0,0.07011923154391482,0.058620613373510475,0.07380092842454898,0.0,0.05874079670440941,0.0,0.1538002964873144,0.0,0.07566672558736816,0.060977275782987485,0.0,0.0,0.0751425013420711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052175399518632634,0.0,0.0,0.12325700213947599,0.0,0.07706224842247389,0.08438529989419585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288591898440348,0.0,0.0,0.17117609420864144,0.04897254166555548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043722468108618,0.0,0.15014162389832855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164412490339825,0.08695727231072514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799400730080902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04746962747598105 bpd,llamadelrey98,2020/02/11,Am I awful I dont think I am. I think most people who have gotten to know me believe I'm awful. I think I scare people. I don't lack sympathy. I am not a bad person.,-3.0838461538461535,-1.5070169487179468,1.468076923076925,96.11442307692309,103.10256410256409,3.6256410256410256,11.628205128205128,5.46131890053228,-1.2261487179487176,125,2,31,1,6,48,24,39,0.305,0.5660000000000001,0.13,-0.7578,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,6,0,0,0,0,7,12,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,9,0,1,11,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,21,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25146899264318445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.339321694474132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529754854255772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655181982923958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175943905734836,0.26297486135582376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30152925226535066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.578943368046986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mightybutt1,2020/02/11,"Being insanely jealous about being replaced and then vrcoming extremely depressed. So, I am someone who feels comfortable in the role I play within my friends group and to my boyfriend. I am the most play bullied and joked about and I love it, especially with my boyfriend. It makes me laugh and it makes me feel like I have my own place and makes me feel secure. Well, he made this new friend who is 3 years younger than me (I'm 24) and they happen to respond to being play bullied the same way. With laughs and shrieks and such. Last night we were all hanging out and my boyfriend joked that I was being replaced or that now there were 2 people he can play bully. I shut down. I felt so, so depressed. I couldn't even participate in discussion anymore and the only way I was able to function was by getting high (I don't get high often). I woke up this morning and now I'm OBSESSING about it. I can't stop thinking about it. I'm insanely jealous and depressed. I know how this will go. I will obsess over it until I have a mental breakdown and I will start resenting his friend (even though I actually really like them). I am able to control any regular jealous feelings I have by rationalizing but this is something I am out of control about. I'm shaking writing this and crying. I am not formally diagnosed with BPD but several people I know with it show the same symptoms I have. I plan on going to a therapist. I just need to know how to control this before I drive myself insane. Being replaced or abandoned by my favorite person is one of my number one fears.",2.9013522650439465,5.183589522875816,3.950009015100292,85.53676470588233,76.97385620915033,6.573630831643001,27.871985575839528,7.6298220110432995,1.762646968672526,1238,53,235,18,29,400,156,306,0.13699999999999998,0.7390000000000001,0.125,-0.8702,0,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,1,0,2,4,20,29,4,4,7,0,29,3,0,9,1,56,55,27,0,2,6,0,5,2,3,3,2,0,0,1,17,22,0,6,9,7,0,5,4,12,1,2,8,5,43,17,33,38,5,30,0,4,0,1,18,13,0,4,12,172,60,0,0.22106064738247194,0.0,0.10786165173176993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516441035634222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961638071774614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940531645182316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392090733917009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719074698117325,0.0,0.0,0.12141237047066655,0.0,0.0,0.28559881750077504,0.11218595190156896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600847272350326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437734341178823,0.2235498108916887,0.07896288533002192,0.10612644421299128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25618636170457865,0.0,0.11549506431559232,0.0,0.12563386025207687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774160020816032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335627110313265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822337258490481,0.09009696609414396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799906610647053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975793252329544,0.10458646478806906,0.22133954803778846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138856927118726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195683449240537,0.0,0.10675087537903764,0.0,0.10372522125475477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979641576088445,0.08406329185432515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325561876371366,0.09651081529385776,0.1154806630771471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080855564729857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486780456528496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365198457912664,0.08509164320055135,0.0,0.0,0.07823393200511075,0.0,0.0,0.09240829982614636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488332762026625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283342249294792,0.0,0.07082336840248353,0.10859548183353357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17546765236603645,0.0,0.0,0.09938003515666063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117790457814523 bpd,orangeteatowel,2020/02/11,I'm chaotic I am. I ruin everything Even when I'm trying to not ruin everything my terrible decision making makes it so not only do I ruin my life I run the lives of those around me. I'd honestly be better off dead,0.5765217391304347,2.7130714347826093,4.415391304347828,79.79265217391305,84.65217391304347,8.027826086956521,22.243478260869566,8.841846274778883,2.1123704347826084,170,6,33,5,5,64,34,46,0.374,0.526,0.1,-0.9524,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,6,7,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,7,2,4,6,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291253624447572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893582189260989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21609489583241734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5880845773617807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310921954491213,0.0,0.0,0.2889000404893545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4367814705967713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488300570199216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22212921177773948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ruushoka,2020/02/11,"DAE feel like they have a wall inside their head I don’t know what this is but it’s getting worse (or I’m just realizing it more). feel like whenever I’m trying to think something healthier I try to grasp the optimistic good reassuring feelings and thoughts but they like. Wall me off. Like I can’t think it. Like when you have a forgotten word on the tip of your tongue—except it’s anything “good”, and it’s just not there. Then I get a headache and breakdown if I keep trying to think it, so I end up going back to safer thoughts. I should kill myself. I hate everything. Nothing is good. I’m stuck in my own head in a quadrant I don’t want to be in and I can’t access my own emotions/memories. I’m so upset. I’m so frustrated. I know that something good exists in here but I can’t access it. I can brush against it but then it’s gone. Even writing this I can’t think of what is good, I just know that something probably exists. This anger and pain rules everything I do until it doesn’t. Then I never felt bad. I can’t relate with that right now, I just know it’s a bpd symptom so I probably have that. I don’t exist. I want to die. I want this pain to stop.",-0.9227125506072866,1.19089039271255,1.2769838056680172,97.48446356275305,98.51417004048582,4.54331983805668,17.836032388663963,6.339386263674448,-0.13151983805668044,905,28,208,12,38,300,115,247,0.191,0.618,0.191,-0.7884,0,0,3,0,0,2,28.0,0,2,3,0,14,19,4,1,7,0,19,5,2,0,1,42,48,20,2,5,11,0,4,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,21,6,0,2,16,0,0,2,11,8,0,0,5,5,32,11,19,41,3,22,0,0,0,0,7,10,0,2,15,131,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880769900385838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229985549657606,0.08936600508019335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480118040988762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108077131442017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479726341291524,0.0,0.0,0.07069264234520249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19238424182127006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235352510292966,0.15292523528415533,0.10276607410755292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183804777904577,0.0,0.06082790528235948,0.44886056828482507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567046990897024,0.21968836287399285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951336349338506,0.11841340128995065,0.0,0.23528467655574545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614485040309453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254852743904076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269866085612052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22777601744304216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307939843726177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140347063047656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24719194662354094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894822987664392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112456810128511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27432331610730404,0.0,0.16994053883727775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21800007161857946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893881033716337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907323343727868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Blamethestxrs,2020/02/11,"Anyone else get waves of tingling energy and euphoria I am in hell, every time I eat something or even think about the feeling in my chest I get waves of energy and euphoria that I could best liken to an orgasm (sorry for the tmi - that’s not what it is at all, no feeling in my loins or what not, but the sort of tingling euphoria could be considered similar just in other parts of my body) It’s just too much energy. I feel like I could summon a god. I just want to take some klonopin to make it go away so I can focus and go to class but I can’t because I don’t have enough left to take it everyday. I cannot focus on any human task things, I’m just in this energy filled agony 😭. You would think waves of euphoria would be good but I can’t focus on anything making me restless as well. God I just want relief and to feel normal. Does anyone else get like this??? I don’t know what’s wrong w/me. Does anyone know any medication that gives relief for this or anything at all to make this euphoria and energy go away? I wonder if maybe my lamictal is too high a dose. Either way, god help me... The only thing that helps is klonopin but idk if my doctor will let me take it daily instead of as needed. My previous doctor gave me like 120 pills and just said to take two every day twice, I wish I had stuck with her... 😭",2.0618478260869573,3.5699925036231903,3.7544927536231856,89.51804347826088,76.86231884057972,7.118840579710145,20.333333333333336,7.893859768569023,0.6563637681159413,1025,23,226,16,23,343,138,276,0.064,0.664,0.272,0.9965,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,0,1,13,11,1,1,7,0,21,11,3,3,2,51,52,18,0,12,18,0,4,3,0,3,7,1,0,1,19,7,1,0,9,0,0,4,8,3,1,2,4,5,29,8,31,39,8,21,1,0,0,1,8,13,1,8,6,147,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388517513323827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141547291395058,0.2092100792081527,0.16802558612902255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19183707753416374,0.0,0.0,0.06223416958503016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713896959368534,0.0,0.0,0.11340089446976805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445358117107604,0.0,0.0,0.0658407184865588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20899041846229024,0.17868231767448806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044653245981671,0.17056907662906307,0.0,0.0,0.10548804548579252,0.0,0.06743062325278458,0.0,0.17203336742488895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20648258002142905,0.07293435062120805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16001614202558254,0.09793568784634032,0.1740632445589666,0.08562969743087802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685986606472506,0.10786551547098801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221388715752566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092296079159686,0.1043957084327747,0.0,0.14963058381006658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20444106285450125,0.0,0.10256486247002844,0.0,0.0,0.1028466749975972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750491666363303,0.07569972244163628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002821695591647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764535929572004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055539226228056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097112611751104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859519968382117,0.0,0.11428333071433334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070410948364637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565041488662985,0.1308325135702152,0.0,0.0,0.05953050738378994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972878339099904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043269212894465,0.08103566141775126,0.0,0.0,0.09179272386729866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740044839965025,0.0,0.11071412367843167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450460683140275,0.11162127754077757,0.0,0.0 bpd,albinobunny91,2020/02/11,"DAE start drinking when your FP doesn't reply to your text? My FP hasn't texted me in like a week, we are supposed to meet on saturday, I texted him this earlier today and he hasn't answered. He is extremely flakey, like all me FPs have ever been, but with him it hurts like hell. I feel like I'm choking, so I drink. Drinking helps me to not care as much.",2.152799999999999,3.47006528,3.2876666666666696,93.7555,76.2,6.6000000000000005,23.166666666666664,7.1686216300943375,0.5820666666666661,276,8,64,3,6,89,56,75,0.2,0.6459999999999999,0.154,-0.8018,0,0,3,0,0,0,10.0,1,2,0,0,3,7,1,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,2,9,11,5,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,2,3,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,12,5,7,10,2,8,1,1,0,0,9,2,1,0,10,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23233177537971875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6696865507164721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061242320904159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521946782321107,0.1627925622342563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273851123612506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24394282766733796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4453090744315709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751292122591752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612897273389064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159970198840293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18278602660409388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tltpcp-25,2020/02/11,"Is happiness possible Does anybody else with bpd have this thing where they never feel 100% happiness like you’re having fun and laughing but in your mind you don’t feel like you’re truly happy, as the feelings of emptiness and “something’s just not right” never leaves you and never lets you enjoy happiness by itself if that makes sense. Bc Lately I been struggling to find the motivation to keep trying and starting to accept that I will never be happy. It feels like I’m forever doomed to either feel empty and miserable or fake happy",6.163196605374825,7.58913587128713,6.276746817538898,75.76029702970297,66.52475247524752,8.543705799151343,28.289957567185287,8.841846274778883,2.377655162659124,437,14,71,7,7,139,74,101,0.185,0.493,0.321,0.9587,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,4,1,1,2,17,0,2,2,0,8,0,0,2,4,27,17,9,0,1,6,0,5,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,8,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,5,7,13,9,13,1,9,1,2,0,0,5,3,0,2,9,48,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448880255103394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067170439646968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610060964656683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29083674212249194,0.16436825941473832,0.0,0.0,0.10514387549377092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7347691193634494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225225389922496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976938979491154,0.12181005398902155,0.0,0.1176355224891387,0.0,0.16860723655308796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678965482446284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615694251587233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549017334436162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968957438334086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982429704559965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856290664379332,0.0,0.0,0.08142543916111146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202640991431559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764270278472836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810416259434019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,j-udas,2020/02/11,"Healing my relationship My partner and I had a pretty emotional conversation last night. I have been feeling lately that I haven’t been on their mind in a romantic way for a while, and last night they told me I thought right. To give context, last summer, I was dealing with the fallout that came from me leaving my abuser. I was in a bad mental place and financial place. My partner was there for me in an incredible way that absolutely pulled me out of what could have otherwise been an impossible place to escape. I came to find out last night that this emotional stress and their feeling of having to suppress their own emotional pain during that time had created a deep wound that they haven’t healed from. We talked, I asked if they felt like it would be better for us to break up to give them an out, and they told me no. They wanted to stay. I asked that they communicate with me more about their personal emotions, feeling that I could have dealt more with my issues personally during that time if I had known they were also struggling. They agreed. I guess I’m feeling really nervous. Last night when we got home we reconnected intimately in a new way we hadn’t explored before. But I have their words echoing in my head. That as a result of my situation and what they went through because of it, they don’t think of me the same way I think of them. I’m worried the innocence and the joy that came from that at the beginning is gone forever. I miss a lot of the joyous interactions we shared before that hard time. We’ve been together for two years, and I think that having had that talk with those revelations is a great sign of growing and healing together. I’m just so concerned about them, and what they allow themselves to go through because of me. I hope this made sense.",6.257685492801772,6.732844093023258,6.268920265780733,79.29379844961241,65.91860465116278,9.575636766334439,31.497231450719823,9.48565724429506,2.672877796234773,1424,52,275,26,21,451,162,344,0.073,0.7829999999999999,0.145,0.9618,0,0,0,0,1,0,28.0,6,0,19,1,7,12,0,3,18,0,28,6,1,3,0,56,59,18,0,7,4,0,6,1,2,1,5,0,1,4,23,25,0,1,12,0,0,9,5,6,0,1,24,6,57,6,44,31,5,50,0,1,0,0,42,16,0,5,20,196,80,0,0.0,0.09541168803730456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439765640071002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056431884143406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723693571929948,0.09817739492233088,0.0,0.13704561020907746,0.0,0.0,0.07121985694312255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27630535125593025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858900032496476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302011510800293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36232951601712987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628680991368273,0.0,0.07731884079067701,0.0,0.07360049753590509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544982566135676,0.045765522960767364,0.0,0.06440504180369812,0.08878163761586015,0.08870990475349101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213664775352464,0.0,0.08264424665498786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077545231616749,0.0799817833653957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404958435942006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32820250545543994,0.0908383071194873,0.0852667883541974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03934157343983547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846143469342644,0.0,0.07619688268815629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115258281993726,0.0,0.08130962189922526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777377258708564,0.0,0.3022776812187734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568672969924554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062667260024464,0.252401681854448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192521887416579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05158785335089067,0.0,0.0,0.08645618864573294,0.0,0.06876987814088079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051606434035916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858313922125254,0.0,0.0,0.09224375535425153,0.08418462312784053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944959424645847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479593572684935,0.0,0.06392968487095115,0.14086835669976375,0.0,0.0,0.15389458094811995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866347552628762,0.0,0.09686443237702988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04749709064788013,0.2556753046389669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464961813946959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177938671705592,0.0,0.057204286751755,0.0,0.0,0.05185694397568371 bpd,ratofallentown,2020/02/11,DAE like sitting in the darkness? idk for me it helps me feel irrelevant and it feels like i don't exist so the mental torment doesn't make any sense when ur just in the darkness being nothing and everything at the same time. idk,1.2433333333333323,3.8593895652173984,2.5347826086956537,90.54463768115944,88.13043478260867,4.8057971014492775,22.88405797101449,6.42735559955562,0.6627362318840584,184,7,36,2,6,59,35,46,0.135,0.7140000000000001,0.151,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,6,4,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,4,5,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258341438846662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414248813605628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841723731075941,0.2713968660823876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546354250504634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711947449566755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535826775937596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828445286827359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645192326226478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215196680664902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,flabbergastedbitch,2020/02/11,"DAE feel really drained after getting angry? I usually feel so empty, like I've had a big shit or hurled everything I ate that day. I hate getting angry. I always realize it was unnecessary and stupid. And I feel so small too. All that power and energy goes and I'm left feeling just... Small.",1.0551315789473676,3.6691545789473694,3.543135964912281,82.35049342105266,90.9298245614035,7.060526315789473,21.160087719298247,8.07648339933343,1.7640192982456142,229,8,42,6,8,79,41,57,0.331,0.575,0.094,-0.9523,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,3,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,12,11,7,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,5,1,1,8,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,4,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23852293511740397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18487109486298534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576302832983035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5797728444668844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29953459451853304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830160395798382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114554287735004,0.0,0.0,0.14004692177228642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18364085192680546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942509534602412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157139704885948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Thotonomicon,2020/02/11,"My Favourite YouTuber I don't know if this channel has been shared before, but the YouTuber Anna Akana has been incredibly helpful with my mental health. I've watched her for a long time and she's been so, so helpful for me. She has tons of videos on things people with BPD struggle with, and mental health in general. She isn't afraid to go into detail about what she has experienced and what skills she has learned from therapy and self-reflection, and how to do it yourself. Plus she has a ton of cats and they rock. I'm not going to armchair psychologist and say she has BPD, it's not something I think she's ever talked about but I'm sure she's aware if she does. But either way a lot of her experiences and advice videos are very applicable for people who have it. Link to her channel [here :) ](https://www.youtube.com/AnnaAkana)",4.473309143686507,6.482880452830192,4.468050314465412,84.81322206095794,71.51572327044025,7.15645863570392,26.06724721819061,7.882392219407189,1.4274059990324148,668,22,128,9,13,206,94,159,0.019,0.875,0.107,0.9322,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,1,7,4,0,2,4,0,15,2,0,1,2,30,21,17,0,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,8,13,0,0,4,5,0,2,4,2,0,0,3,3,19,2,20,18,4,9,0,0,1,0,20,3,0,3,3,90,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584576716919308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441690970277596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4275059597366195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852074025697448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535190012444171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601607142545713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929084889867616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36080307632437497,0.0,0.0,0.22751583798496405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932721816274486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019445698743192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428756699553416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420702117309453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353211927510638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496599739293455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770521427546124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065665802422602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17742535639146342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599565330743699,0.0,0.0,0.13641232531878286,0.0,0.0,0.1940865069921388,0.0,0.11275262318810028,0.10874798367305596,0.0,0.0,0.09896351401284903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003453478019,0.0,0.134713681550778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,honey-bones,2020/02/11,"Time wasted being ill I'm not looking for anything just need to get it out. My heart feels like it is breaking. I was only diagnosed with bpd & bipolar two years ago at the age of 30 having struggled since I was 12/13. I have attained a good education, held down full time jobs and just about kept myself going but everything has been so hard and it has taken me longer to.reach 'milestones' than my peers. sometimes I can only funcrion on the most basic human level to survive. I'm finally on track to achieving a lifelong dream of teaching and it may be taken away from me because of my diagnosis. Everyone around me keeps saying it'll be OK I can try again next year with a different route but I want a family, I don't want to end up alone and I'm running out of time. I feel like the harder I try the further away I.get from my goals and I'm surrounded by people being handed life on a platter. I keep trying to be positive but it feels pointless because I always end up back where I started, sad, alone, scared and hopeless Now I feel guilty for feeling all the above. Everything is so hard",3.7785536967080375,5.357391458715597,4.7295250944414455,83.99434700485699,72.4862385321101,7.147760388559092,27.96114409066379,7.724431198458867,1.7188188882892608,870,33,166,11,17,283,136,218,0.136,0.763,0.1,-0.8442,2,2,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,4,10,8,0,2,10,1,19,6,2,0,1,32,41,11,0,3,6,0,8,2,0,2,4,1,0,1,6,11,0,4,5,1,0,2,2,4,0,1,7,10,21,4,30,27,3,35,0,2,1,0,2,17,0,2,17,107,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660023834301446,0.0,0.0,0.2490991830026057,0.0,0.0,0.10006314194353053,0.13029799823902066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989609522724555,0.10705388826874952,0.0,0.0,0.2259701074259977,0.09246991828693064,0.0,0.1466146395416451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145900393473585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122057938584733,0.0,0.12564257326943926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130233436918149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149103545218892,0.21615779290944268,0.0,0.11336723939012708,0.0,0.30402680355632844,0.1718227076513372,0.0,0.1317352498324091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256582417684616,0.0,0.06834460883420318,0.10086554787025068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154526226020287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250467449143064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933614010095807,0.21377921979554002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494080758072606,0.11750262091280382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098527394791336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916876045095304,0.0,0.0,0.12789428035018516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829211579608161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337079904282119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956328914936575,0.12039785621460855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947751930498193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893687278346099,0.0,0.08511825505835402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257183304222119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103678077494197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449390547223224,0.0,0.11747324441134055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186094121003914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548826418696677 bpd,ArtistofMind,2020/02/11,"Yesterday I found out My mother has cancer , in her stomach. She's 64. Non smoker, eats healthy, not overweight and doesn't use drugs or excessive alcohol. Why her 😭 We don't know at this point how extensive it is or what stage. I have found myself to be dissociative, then crying , then strong, but most importantly, detached. I now feel that I don't and won't matter , and my role has now changed. This will test me so much, as a functioning and supportive adult child who lives with her. I feel guilty for not feeling anything. I feel like it's not even real. I'm behind that pane of glass , looking in from the outside. I cannot lose her. I have no friends .. and we've worked on our relationship since I moved back in here 2 years ago. Up until yesterday I would've done anything to leave, but now I am so grateful I'm here. Thanks for listening. Btw I'm in Canada , so we are fortunate going forward with care. I'm afraid of how I will process this as I don't feel anything. I don't want to have a breakdown in front of her. Do you think I'm strong enough ? ❤️",1.7084639016897114,3.771471336405533,2.9588940092165927,92.253579109063,79.87557603686636,6.34531490015361,23.23655913978495,7.447530270364453,0.8537471582181264,828,28,182,12,21,267,133,217,0.079,0.7190000000000001,0.20199999999999999,0.9844,0,0,3,0,0,0,32.0,3,1,0,4,12,9,0,1,3,0,20,6,1,3,0,33,42,19,0,1,7,1,5,1,1,3,4,1,0,2,9,10,3,0,9,0,0,4,11,2,0,0,3,7,28,7,24,35,3,26,0,1,1,0,18,11,0,3,13,114,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134163142123914,0.15834609645271147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657879134371213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393173330545392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510667360858478,0.0,0.15674166724858532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16275514367939958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162689049907005,0.0,0.0,0.17182736797579748,0.15161243788967946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309673143540886,0.0,0.09786329788472747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745899352155575,0.10585095816354764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249162363869469,0.11447391493495596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420705772013792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142903428707844,0.0,0.0,0.15688808745194105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723872017870136,0.0,0.1308346993223068,0.0,0.12442346129809445,0.16576163695096333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747870291898616,0.10892022935926884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400662675409844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864715903796915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907654488719294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256576418912225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16813882886010906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641281284391002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493981095600272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279692278853421,0.0,0.0,0.08739308533966338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369820683804925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786777249284693,0.0,0.0,0.1052540070496681,0.0,0.0,0.09541507213396737 bpd,KryptonianConundrum,2020/02/11,"honestly, don't want to get over her :( I recently turned 42. Maybe 43. No. Wait... Yes! 42! Aaah right... Guess it's that time of the age when age itself is a blur. Most of my posts are about my ex-SO at the time I was in a relationship with her. A lot went down. A lot was destroyed. But there was much more that was beautiful too. Little things. Big things. Butterfly moments. Moments cemented as fossils. And since we sealed parting our ways, I've never really been in any relationship whatsoever. Not even a fling. Nothing. Just couldn't. Just wouldn't. Well, I'm 42. And it seems to appear more and more by the day... that getting over her has been the toughest thing that I've had to endure for my life until. Fuck BPD!",-0.3228671328671311,1.8058774965035016,1.3289118881118895,95.7229062937063,102.70629370629368,4.805482517482517,16.90881118881119,6.55674776486733,0.0063490349650345826,554,16,120,9,25,178,99,143,0.10400000000000001,0.8170000000000001,0.079,-0.4082,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,2,0,0,0,8,4,2,0,9,1,13,2,0,0,1,21,24,7,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,2,2,0,8,0,10,2,17,14,8,24,0,0,0,1,7,9,1,7,11,81,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836053852558268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21921093794489926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224839185968456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149589372079302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609071954231626,0.1818687586935465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19173662109137948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293725441104555,0.0,0.17444466480786172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29594359727162617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17485746113054196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794739272259514,0.0,0.13423873641803122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670064735598116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18848009678677805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669259102973508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150142386403727,0.0,0.17185420520654096,0.3737309273284813,0.0,0.14863846494074273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15844934632815394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397665206271545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468949293718219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20298088702618436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18931733215243768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102659693951899,0.13815345407090926,0.0,0.0,0.15649260632882991,0.16134687087757682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwawayaccount-128,2020/02/11,"I really need some support. I just blocked somebody I am in love with because he will never give me what I need. I’ve been sitting on this for weeks and finally took the leap. I’m literally shaking. This was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I typically stay in fucked up relationships because of my abandonment issues. I know I made the right decision, yet my hands are shaking and tears are just rolling down my face. How can letting go of someone who causes chaos and confusion hurt so much?",4.0416052631578925,6.0935439368421065,4.9401973684210505,80.79450657894739,72.78947368421052,8.118421052631579,31.875,8.841846274778883,2.821236842105264,394,19,73,8,8,128,71,95,0.23199999999999998,0.7,0.068,-0.9364,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,8,1,3,3,0,9,4,2,3,2,19,20,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,2,0,0,4,1,6,0,0,5,1,11,2,9,13,2,17,0,2,0,2,5,6,1,2,5,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484205218911384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20931774294491465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20851731826867284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431266884063607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232092212424053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18837292185194726,0.0,0.19546524721692154,0.11580155602548743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181293929195867,0.0,0.0,0.2126725976770772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198121786223368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20835849939824044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18390143849603185,0.19280272591103534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978711267143474,0.3021710529980149,0.1571523444820286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053393261055896,0.0,0.0,0.2187620838899092,0.0,0.17401000537509473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17264526485738604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21718114709548791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23122453791242464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353691512459413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263849596915368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344405530834485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway2938884833,2020/02/11,"I'm ashamed of my virginity, and i told my girlfriend about it yesterdayw This is a throwaway, people close to me know my reddit and i don't want them to see this. I (17M) am a virgin and i never got to have sex in my early teens, how most people do. I told my SO(16F) about it and she took it well, she was really supportive and all but i still feel so ashamed of myself. and i really don't know why, i just dont want to exist anymore. I just want my shitty life to end. And sex generally is my weak spot since i have a below average Penis size. I'm scared and ashamed, i just feel im disappointing her and i truly at this very moment hate myself so much. I'm scared of losing her due to my inexperience and whole not being enough thing. Really i just need kind words and reassurance, some advice maybe. I try not to think about it but it's really always on my mind, my life's never been this good and now i'm facing the possibility of it crashing down on top of me. I hate myself almost every day but rarely this close to ending it all. I feel like i missed the boat when it comes to sex, and i turned down about 6 one nighters just because i was scared of them making fun of my inexperience. And being an Incel at 15 didn't help either.",0.8357471264367788,2.900650045977009,3.189961685823757,89.40954022988508,83.02298850574712,6.012260536398468,16.946360153256705,7.242747475848597,0.04222452107279695,966,19,214,14,27,332,131,261,0.204,0.693,0.10300000000000001,-0.9833,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,2,2,16,19,2,6,6,0,15,9,1,2,4,50,41,21,0,4,11,0,3,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,14,17,0,0,6,0,0,2,8,12,1,1,8,4,41,7,28,31,8,24,0,3,1,5,11,11,0,3,12,146,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730647472841856,0.0,0.0,0.1202076143941786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988696300457617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905227138737355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317824921033488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340804108994664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774190213788255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069171411520556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21264827824878385,0.12403845882001295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011429952215496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820949062125305,0.08576009162395122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068795615310414,0.09601086285171036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370389468945475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046355766098752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296690783179872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500827733769773,0.13194706146202093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958250839620698,0.05864786833638305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342995228317762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013089457741163,0.0,0.12060122463433408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121111543541747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824680486236243,0.08901176300614974,0.1851720355620832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134552256355201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16644801987832544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533257359284612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076153154582447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605576231953336,0.0,0.09566023308227588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930237145872647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586800223457637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622551575118902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797524891249363,0.07691991671693073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22941606885476734,0.13337428704894652,0.08150259866658895,0.13057436585473206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904960431422832,0.21241675472930246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793477068379492,0.0,0.10832183919084894,0.13402582985593295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fieryfaerie,2020/02/11,"I suspect I have BPD and I keep messing up with my FP's Kind of a rant here and looking for some understanding. I am undiagnosed as of yet but I suspect very strongly I have BPD. Please be mindful of this if I don't use the right terms, I'm just starting to come to terms with it. I have been in and out of therapy for the past few years but it never worked and I kind of did not understand why until now. A couple years ago I spoke with a psychiatrist and he said that he was 99% sure I had BPD but he didn't formally diagnose me, and I then set aside the idea when the therapist I saw last year said she didn't think so. She said my past symptoms might have been an issue with teenage rather than BPD and I believed her because I had had few ""obvious"" flare-ups for a little bit of time. But it is now so clear to me. After a year of chill, healthy relationships, I screwed it up again. I knew it was happening when I met my current FP (my best friend) and I broke down in front of literally all of the other people I cared about but none of them knew why I was worried. Well, it finally happened. I thought it was really good but I slowly entered a codependent relationship and I could see the pattern so clearly but I couldn't do anything about it. I really really tried hard to establish healthy boundaries and let him breathe and have his space but lately it has been terrible - he has a girlfriend and he stopped loving me as much as he used to because he is now closer with her and I have been losing so much sleep and mental health on it. I have tried my best but I have been so unstable and we have been fighting pretty badly every couple of weeks because I'm never satisfied with what he gives me. I love him so so much but I cannot seem to be able to respect his boundaries. It's not that I want him to care for me, but he's not even allowing me to care for him and that kills me. I understand so much of him but I feel the distance and literally everything he does throws me into abandonment panic. I have tried to date his best friend but that went really badly (obviously, because of the fact I got really really upset extremely quickly on something small the guy'd done) and I've been obsessed with it and he couldn't give me the support I needed. Yesterday it finally happened and our friendship snapped. After the nth fight we decided to call it quits because 'our needs were mutually incompatible' and I handled it maturely and told him I loved him and I was there for him if he needed me. I love him so much I can't breathe, I can't believe I lost another one. There's a huge hole in my belly and I just can't deal with it at all. I feel like such a fool. I thought he loved me as much as I loved him and in the same way but he does not. I've been the one continuously mending our relationship and caring so much and he never did and I never understood it. It's so obvious to me that love and care trumps anything and everything else that one can do and that fights can always be resolved because love is there but that's not the case. I don't want to fall back into bad stuff but I know I will. I'm just so tired of myself. Everything keeps happening and it's like seeing the iceberg miles and miles away and not being able to stop the ship. I have planned to see a psychiatrist later this month so hopefully that will help but I just don't know what to do. Everything is so overwhelming and I'm scared this is going to be the rest of my life. I'm just such a greedy human. I am empathetic and can create really good relationships at the start because I'm not a bad person and I can be really charming but I feel like such an impostor. I don't know what to do. I am crying at short intervals and then it feels a little bit better but then it's bad again and it's just a rollercoaster and I can't deal with it well. I just wish people loved in the same way I do because it would be so much easier to understand each other. I keep thinking my perfect partnership is me and someone being together 16 hours a day as we're awake but I know it's diseased and I want a better attachment pattern. I had a really good two year long relationship and then I fucked it up because he wasn't my FP - I'm so angry at myself because that was good and healthy. I wonder if I'm doomed to never be loved like I love. I'm so tired and I can't really think of anything but the pain right now. There's so much more but I've already taken up so much space and I'm tired. So much stuff in my brain and so little ability to deal with it. Sorry for the rant. I just wish it'll get better. Please tell me it gets better.",1.6593190247252707,3.633879855208335,3.4955357142857166,88.79105769230772,79.61458333333334,6.969780219780219,22.94528388278389,7.994249693325123,1.1496077152014648,3631,119,786,66,91,1218,327,960,0.135,0.643,0.221,0.9988,1,0,1,0,4,0,62.0,5,0,1,15,54,70,6,5,40,0,84,25,4,3,15,174,175,106,1,17,41,0,5,4,3,5,8,4,0,2,49,64,0,6,27,0,0,7,28,25,2,4,41,14,120,45,87,116,29,96,1,6,5,13,77,34,2,8,56,548,169,1,0.07688473183725485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034076837907230415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04242210672119053,0.0,0.031987127998024084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04031017251731207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490437494752424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0361178682258536,0.029559806485789795,0.16048884901678373,0.2343410945485496,0.0,0.0,0.08662276429420315,0.12102867397829276,0.13599659467718309,0.0839382141953203,0.0,0.19366725654278175,0.04291439401891742,0.03925395371709541,0.0,0.19597277051712225,0.0,0.0,0.03311469431919276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030693101102239575,0.08507149340695122,0.04222713384717427,0.024792145759930658,0.11889717379044568,0.0,0.03901819220196137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728234694784653,0.039339887239124384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03211366390835943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02539082013066562,0.0,0.0323893512920903,0.0,0.13819807883839408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775046108925551,0.054926467786830684,0.0,0.08422346563171039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05940095309663961,0.03553934783973933,0.0401690990846836,0.07375484059097004,0.02184768245622621,0.12897453058738909,0.03074587180208588,0.0,0.0,0.03806398615960118,0.13597782889591656,0.0,0.0344368090129047,0.0,0.0,0.04086243732542764,0.0,0.0,0.025767107544960442,0.0,0.0,0.038181943353904624,0.037857986804927066,0.0,0.0,0.043396751901268564,0.0,0.04012384237882676,0.0,0.1025080234454867,0.04253078217859976,0.08006361686720294,0.0845076758166219,0.03133565905791224,0.043364663187811084,0.0,0.0,0.03930992370177348,0.027152979924151624,0.07512399275573943,0.11558804946706988,0.0,0.03402028412727783,0.03228190541438699,0.04300717428656605,0.04196438353915125,0.0,0.3816530974490736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03874086310501672,0.04078127524295189,0.03881583089114785,0.0,0.03068432971468431,0.0,0.3108551840405531,0.08551358168163713,0.14824561246565438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814862612813507,0.0,0.04090538772574347,0.045103833535060985,0.0,0.0,0.07339517622740363,0.0533021923654014,0.03356639112896872,0.0,0.0843963475056553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039109706419261966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040888188118813715,0.0,0.0,0.24627163980510244,0.0,0.0,0.2063635717138861,0.0,0.06565914089797799,0.1097024796054938,0.0,0.0384875146095028,0.0,0.09190076546175677,0.03499648613802747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0384701285355454,0.0,0.032572091892660415,0.029594811408231225,0.0,0.04303308132304981,0.054419408917952015,0.0,0.0,0.06427907848634347,0.0,0.0,0.08801462344272633,0.0,0.0436239412818117,0.0362314749315931,0.03995633750847335,0.0,0.0,0.033600322228746364,0.0,0.04396219571336097,0.04463454977662076,0.0,0.07389694753786118,0.0,0.061037888970895765,0.022416052712469214,0.1325515335689548,0.0,0.036733328046647855,0.0,0.07829952910672627,0.0,0.03755260560825977,0.16007943465656435,0.0,0.06640372269743336,0.0,0.031718977893118123,0.06802291027848953,0.06102752144271999,0.03083614713215648,0.0,0.06912860740678946,0.03563645834415108,0.06937651182808162,0.0,0.08841364723562486,0.0,0.04168910599721083,0.02798650023512912,0.039040088627214135,0.0,0.027308353783231758,0.0,0.0,0.12377811634560353 bpd,JupiterWaltz,2020/02/11,"I’m autistic but I’m worry I have traits of BPD (what should I do?) I have a tendency to rage at my family, usually over something minor like the WiFi not connecting and it makes me feel very guilty when I take some time out and the rest of the evening is ruined and I end up thinking about killing myself. I often get anxious and make conspiracies that this little thing I’ve said means people will like me less and so I over apologise which picks a wound because people naturally see me as this fragile vase in need of holding and I don’t want to make people feel that way. I often get paranoid that people are staring at me. Or that someone’s gesture means I’ve done something wrong or that they don’t like me. This isn’t so much the case with two of my closest friends where I feel I can relax and have a bit of banta, I seem to be better at one to one rather than any sort of group which isn’t a good for holding down a job or something. I’ve spent long periods alone since not being in employment, education or training and I’ve almost enjoyed it too much. I tend to overreact to little things like a comment on my Instagram post where someone accused me of thinking I’m better than people because I typed I prefer American 80s nostalgia flicks to English period dramas. I spent the rest of the night feeling pretty restless until I had a dreamless sleep. I was a bit drunk, I tend to drink every single night. I also had previous bad blood with the person because they often make a big show about things and they have lefty politics I agree with but I distrust him because he never asks people questions. It’s always loud statements, he says something I disagree with and it’s me who’s in the wrong, I say what I think sounds inane and there’s often something wrong with what I’ve said according to him, at this writer’s group he tends to dominate conversations. I’ve been rather passive aggressive towards this person. Another trait I have which I find worrisome is I can be bad with critique, perhaps this was an adolescent trait I’m learning to grow out of but I dropped out of art school with the thought that they’re too negative, they didn’t see the good I do. It’s been similar with my writing however I can look back at older pieces and realise they’re crap or take people’s feedback and try and follow their instruction. I often find it hard to focus on other’s writing, I thought this was being self-centred but I found that when someone not only read aloud but also passed me a sheet I was better at focusing so that’s probably an attention deficit rather than selfishness.",4.839042183083276,6.048409307240704,5.371273646444879,81.83507528810614,69.43052837573386,8.182670145683844,30.241411176342677,8.515128840125781,2.295649662970212,2080,82,390,32,36,668,241,511,0.17300000000000001,0.716,0.111,-0.9883,3,1,6,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,5,3,24,25,5,1,22,0,33,6,3,5,1,82,72,33,1,7,16,0,6,4,1,2,1,6,0,2,32,25,2,2,20,7,2,3,10,13,0,3,17,16,55,12,57,49,10,45,0,1,4,0,26,25,1,15,18,261,87,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492704053095357,0.07749676641205097,0.0,0.11967602760937647,0.062260902217190876,0.0,0.0,0.05088398112290892,0.07846117693384334,0.0,0.08453164177350486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995184524469651,0.0,0.0,0.057536275882115136,0.12495251885321774,0.1824519909891004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19853151594893295,0.16338037433755498,0.0,0.0942402372215677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657257859416887,0.0,0.07330061203151036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627328161981945,0.0,0.0,0.049421610138531566,0.0,0.063043804176469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705389264139324,0.0,0.1513363080148574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677850511146408,0.0,0.0,0.08204241993412653,0.05781008117681394,0.0,0.07818658650500374,0.0,0.0,0.12552034427575934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670290498964765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425287279101991,0.0,0.08278345184994468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622405510801018,0.14998983853316686,0.0,0.06621831080240582,0.06283466763611628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199786704562504,0.0,0.0,0.1630140517589929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001086674871388,0.0554822421866181,0.057710123787429936,0.0,0.0,0.14043753354212662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101407540559694,0.056908248672027775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631225990217703,0.13066967412602976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166225129545609,0.07612454632573226,0.08067466386589194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838218085757524,0.0,0.0748458595249505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235258124503378,0.1190086577412093,0.0,0.07572751272856353,0.11925264797041445,0.06811842568421901,0.07805943076939187,0.0,0.0,0.061896518357893074,0.0,0.07487964881318238,0.0,0.19019849126156851,0.28802205364262634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251909409638278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913243263060522,0.1438356899402743,0.0,0.11880635351180782,0.04363141530282602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05080167795065477,0.0,0.07309374902057549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240983885057526,0.0617389651598186,0.04413408382729661,0.059393086890098735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598903973872219,0.0,0.0,0.2454301767805771,0.0,0.0 bpd,ChestnutSun,2020/02/11,"What are your Key Things to Do when your starting to feel better after a long period of not looking after yourself? I'm starting to feel more myself again after almost 3 months of not being able to look after myself well. What things do you do to help? House chores, making a schedule to catch up with work, personal hygiene. I've let everything slip. I want to get back into a good headspace but don't know where to start",4.553654618473896,5.863126795180726,4.874879518072291,84.7507931726908,70.20481927710844,6.979116465863456,24.676706827309236,7.1686216300943375,1.0616682730923692,336,9,63,3,6,106,58,83,0.0,0.888,0.11199999999999999,0.7013,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,2,5,3,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,1,0,11,19,2,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,4,6,3,17,17,1,18,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,1,14,46,10,1,0.20979065321723311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21007503499998764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613160627198531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855427843140424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18854631173223946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121529155409274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096069575161104,0.0,0.0,0.17596244646849027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061825265433495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420702467804125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529545650862667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21452515666624464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18565812637039467,0.3523426231526277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003689007362316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16745289787841494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18318110638656854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4454727124011715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787511760996812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373996275592294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18862699208688335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527300941367664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Operation_Downfall,2020/02/11,"My (Probable) Nex is Still My FP I have a new girlfriend at this point (the ex of the dude my nex cheated on me with, long story short), and while I love her and want to talk to her a lot of the time it just... doesn't feel the same as it did with my nex. I don't get this... intoxicating, sickly sweet feeling when my new gf texts. I don't get this hyperactive imagination of how many guys she's fucking behind my back when she doesn't respond. Sure, there have been moments where my new gf has sort of been my FP, but... my mind is still caught up on my nex, my nex who discarded me more than two months ago. I just... feel like I didn't give myself enough time to heal, and as a result I feel like I'm being unfair to my new gf. I still feel like I need to repent for the ways I fucked up my relationship with my nex. But I can't because we're in NC right now (after I stalked around her house a few times, and she caught me, twice), so whenever the thoughts of my fuckups come up for me, I just kinda start freaking out because I don't know what else to do. I'm trying to go to sleep now, at 6 AM, and I just started bawling my eyes out because I couldn't stop thinking about my fuckups. I still want and crave my nex's attention. Her love. Her forgiveness. Because there's no way in hell I'm ever going to be able to forgive myself.",3.891826625386997,3.5811732456140355,4.984024767801858,89.18934984520122,70.9298245614035,7.96904024767802,26.58926728586172,7.285733465282438,1.0023044375644998,1025,28,245,9,17,339,145,285,0.087,0.81,0.10300000000000001,0.1542,0,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,0,0,21,14,4,0,10,0,20,9,2,2,2,45,48,15,0,4,6,1,5,3,4,0,3,0,0,1,7,13,0,1,12,0,0,5,9,5,0,2,7,7,49,9,38,38,5,49,1,0,1,4,23,16,3,3,29,160,56,0,0.10743226821116328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523222367705478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563749567147252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260878285622543,0.0,0.26195885420505105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254338636078477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974587468286624,0.0,0.0,0.11100625151763692,0.0,0.0,0.09717863721042758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716049139302283,0.2302489016281117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986388016414275,0.1122578520739653,0.10305882100249776,0.12211246760399315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637483600619888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396241338324555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05904196501231838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745793890349574,0.0,0.0,0.09507417667055466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133507261886377,0.1939236329927365,0.0,0.0,0.10891945780486112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847596539619657,0.0,0.08575141152252559,0.0,0.0,0.07965966560924992,0.0,0.4150350163647113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155821863741683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583015562131732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534205065478145,0.0,0.09174657005239274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750985451043762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208222478142253,0.0,0.3431821926774131,0.08981818672306413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125364138035152,0.0,0.0,0.08634998772614086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883825954485047,0.0,0.08528922065885444,0.18793385862403386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729394580760839,0.0,0.10494571552318872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673267053006793,0.17054946789109865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Six_Kills,2020/02/11,Everything is a lot calmer without her But I love her... Soo much...,-1.1479487179487151,-0.013826307692308859,0.6230769230769262,98.31358974358973,119.76923076923076,4.810256410256411,19.71794871794872,6.42735559955562,0.5664564102564107,50,2,11,1,3,16,12,13,0.22699999999999998,0.605,0.168,-0.2187,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4601522494733696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4352837723206083,0.4620996518141575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763786361747872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.493549368233189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,-Tamagotchi-,2020/02/11,"Yesterday I caught my mother about to use my toothbrush to brush her teeth After a petty fight we had when she criticized my hair and I decided to fight back and criticize hers, which she decided that it was not reasonnable and disproportionate of me to do so, catching her about to use my toothbrush made me snap. Horrified, I asked her if she already did that before and she pulled a fake shocked face, as though guilty. And I laughed nervously cause that’s what I do in such situations, which I hate about myself. Minutes later she was in bed, loudly snoring while I was crying, tightening a rope around my neck and wondering what was stopping me from comiting suicide right now. I feel so violated and I’m so tired of living with people who have little to no consideration for my belongings. I already caught my little brother going to my room and stealing my stuff before when he thought I would be at work. I suspect he still do it. Mind you, I’m 23 years old, I should be able to move right? Well no, cause of my shitty financial state, I’m stuck with people who are making my mental health so much worse even though I’m actively doing things to get better. My controlling parents who treat me like a child love it that I’m stuck with them tho. It’s like they throw my progresses through the windows without caring. It’s like the only escape is death...",5.79026369168357,6.670057582375481,5.904926752310121,80.07245436105477,67.04597701149424,8.89979716024341,30.29546991210277,9.007467420416297,2.4212071670047326,1083,39,203,18,17,343,154,261,0.23399999999999999,0.677,0.08900000000000001,-0.9908,1,0,0,0,2,1,25.0,1,1,2,4,19,17,4,1,6,0,17,7,4,7,0,34,39,20,2,3,3,3,2,3,0,2,2,1,3,1,18,13,0,2,7,0,0,7,4,8,1,0,12,4,43,9,28,23,1,29,0,0,0,1,26,9,0,2,15,141,61,1,0.12575868443123078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27755567091530753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111951891533201,0.11756739376867598,0.0,0.0,0.09670066570729463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21402275577240112,0.0,0.0,0.11122333670833362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282193601545986,0.2583776214696497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104905806761162,0.0,0.0,0.1381400096748192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306242500842749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358736947410731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570372211703265,0.0,0.07147155847228845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416066497498515,0.0,0.1336756008091939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431802268975225,0.2520864795838377,0.11104722235868203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135021226460396,0.1189959079266108,0.08394489839003512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267351751484307,0.0,0.126980421504457,0.0,0.0,0.13366157930872333,0.092447103036642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196258442284053,0.0,0.0,0.09564514641330746,0.0,0.0,0.13964013652396973,0.0,0.0,0.1743704745790685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21479445874098674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135803038302985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043104783589607,0.10513989128563772,0.0,0.0,0.1439636061721176,0.13755958930733406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354848190890386,0.0,0.2471145378839357,0.09983834805703153,0.0,0.1445411079038764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21723025126606574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307216031451894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212268840825872,0.13637992875935248,0.09155382004463876,0.0,0.12815884330040905,0.08933536122701963,0.0,0.0,0.08098446961328289 bpd,Anarchocatxx,2020/02/11,"Shortest lived relationship I've had. So I work at a restaurant. There was this regular customer who came in for dinner like 4-5 nights a week. After like a year of me just being the pizza chick and him being a customer one of my coworkers was like ""hey that guy's into you."" I do not notice flirting. But after another coworker said something I sent him a friend request on social media. He asked me out to dinner. We hung out a bit more, I'm wary because I've avoided actual relationships for like 5 years. But he's genuinely GOOD to me. Like, you're sad? I'll bring chocolate and stay if you want me to. Oh you want to go out and sing karaoke? Yeah sure let's go do that. All the sweetness. All the kindness. Bam. Relationship. Immediately I feel myself start to crumble over the weight of who to be around him versus who I have found over the last five years to be the truest version of me that i can muster. And suddenly I'm annoyed by things and i can't control it. I lash out. Then I get mad at myself for lashing out and lash out more as a way to punish myself. I try my hardest to get it under control. And then one night he snaps at me. I immediately HAVE TO GO because I know where this is heading and I can't stop it. My frantic attempts to literally just leave his property and walk home make things worse. It got bad. I called my brother to come get me. Probably didn't need to. But i needed to run as far as possible. Because I felt like a terrible person. Now he's trying to talk to me. ""Let's just be friends. "" I CAN'T DO THAT. I'm literally incapable of going back to that place. And that's the story of how I fucked up my most recent attempt at a relationship.",0.7668478260869591,3.0951774782608723,2.959836956521741,89.20410326086956,85.81159420289855,5.7688405797101465,22.2481884057971,7.1686216300943375,0.8397666666666672,1310,47,276,20,40,444,182,345,0.106,0.77,0.124,0.5088,0,1,1,0,0,0,42.0,1,3,0,5,10,23,4,2,16,1,21,6,1,4,4,49,49,21,0,5,9,1,3,6,2,0,0,1,1,3,17,21,4,4,4,1,0,10,5,9,0,3,10,5,42,14,50,32,7,50,0,1,0,1,33,21,1,2,23,180,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.09546388743910117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257890042403656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708571885884568,0.09145393490443847,0.0,0.0,0.07522201609922093,0.08168047236905576,0.17890113315167466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680045727930512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989109840366843,0.11188667541752252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426828065997548,0.0,0.0,0.21943994778396766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049463673236404514,0.0,0.09392812702196884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726096081971574,0.15115996961253808,0.09043839297939356,0.153329857867566,0.0,0.2223866684977054,0.08205165535249638,0.07824024371718727,0.0,0.0,0.09686294059720874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039751266395898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812727231581576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187053626081413,0.05376251155298987,0.07974109882170947,0.0,0.10358341699626326,0.0,0.20006705490277465,0.0,0.2867565216585518,0.0,0.08638199010256056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529949356559961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507320993571526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18360580776352425,0.0,0.0,0.11137534289566033,0.0,0.0,0.13257861291183864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541773151017869,0.10220715930444467,0.0,0.0,0.1102839119062228,0.0,0.0,0.10547277819219658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965911941026423,0.4201132756729525,0.0,0.0,0.09305475540439112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972110259767072,0.0,0.07531109451861813,0.0,0.0,0.06924161793319161,0.10426930652046992,0.0,0.08178676472505372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219967633796901,0.0,0.0,0.07862868743881753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998225410857633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283461878906394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540040481532908,0.07764958141161489,0.07846997094274262,0.1191254926626219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121836106267343,0.0,0.09969286667768697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18898985955722414 bpd,_blackhole_sun_,2020/02/11,"I can’t take the pain anymore, I really can’t I believe that I am currently in extreme danger of taking my own life and I don’t know what to do. From the second I wake up I am plagued with thoughts of harming myself. I have come up with a couple of plans. The urge to act on them is overwhelming. The only way to stop myself is to use sedatives every 4 hours so I can sleep. I attempted suicide in January. Things HAVENT gotten better. My FP left me yesterday but things have been this painful and bad for weeks. This is beyond DBT or any distress tolerance skills you can throw at me. I have been at a skills breakdown point for a very long time. The only person I can ask for help is my psychiatrist and all he will do is in invalidate me and recommend I go to the hospital which will make my state of mind worse(I’m not in the US or Canada or Europe) I see no cons in committing suicide. I am not scared. Because I see no chance in my life getting better. I feel like I am trapped in every way possible. I feel like I am alone in every way possible. I feel like I am a disappointment in every way possible. It’s only a matter of time and no one, including me, has an answer for me. I’m tired of being in pain and I’m tired of crying.",1.8240382338013887,3.606468077821013,3.873662662832011,87.19231094569449,78.3385214007782,7.115479614278464,23.62527491118255,8.04050195162591,1.27981522585011,964,32,205,17,23,329,135,257,0.248,0.6579999999999999,0.094,-0.9934,1,2,0,0,0,2,23.0,1,1,1,6,2,15,1,3,13,0,29,9,2,2,2,28,47,11,2,0,6,0,3,3,0,2,7,0,0,1,8,9,0,1,6,0,0,4,9,10,0,2,4,5,37,5,35,40,2,35,0,2,2,0,7,18,0,3,11,142,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133380502349974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653525896180462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703201612218336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146816022452547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169317746332559,0.05964298685294502,0.0,0.0,0.11023334174310936,0.0,0.17306488910966655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428138827821872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825924434222532,0.10747378276680294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297411675935208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841410138148498,0.20969296501749185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511179025859265,0.0,0.055605314979616426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558078340903645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635371097139936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0537708741120894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063045708859962,0.0,0.13821603315068062,0.14340056278551155,0.0,0.0,0.0865862371619295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530965065942462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987915540800395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629961751146511,0.22323754817710784,0.31232927887119105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854310179212348,0.0,0.0,0.09249140316148437,0.3309031984780003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267947243075574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795594461480732,0.0,0.1559332748635933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791169469857036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179948635270498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214044424254908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712856381593012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000247236569407,0.0,0.0,0.07767485289841979,0.11410378873584545,0.22490775363780666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769071834410848,0.08450324019053145,0.0,0.08072910067748112,0.0,0.3106466380630377,0.07848217665543332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,minervae23,2020/02/11,"(MOD APPROVED) A study on mental health literacy and help-seeking attitudes (US, 18+) Hi everyone, My name is Minerva Escobar and I'm looking for participants aged 18+ who live in the U.S. for my master's thesis on mental health literacy and help-seeking attitudes. More information about the study is listed below and you can participate at the link provided. Please feel free to contact me any time with any questions you might have. Thank you! *Purpose of the study*: To examine the effect of mental health literacy on attitudes toward mental health service seeking. *What the study involves*: Completing an online questionnaire about your knowledge and opinions of various elements of mental health, and reading information about mental disorders. *How long the study will take*: Approximately 25-35 minutes. *Who is eligible to participate*: Any adult 18 years or older who resides in the United States. *Benefits of participation*: All participants will be learning about specific mental health disorders. *Compensation*: A raffle for a $50 gift card will be held, which you may enter whether or not you choose to participate in the study. If you consent to take part in the study, at the end you will have the option of entering your email if you wish to participate in the raffle. If you do not consent to take part in the study, clicking ‘I do not agree’ on the consent form on the study website will also take you to the raffle email entry page. Please note that winning a prize is not guaranteed. *Where to participate in the study:* Visit [https://callutheran.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_3ICuzGwWasEUFuZ](https://callutheran.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3ICuzGwWasEUFuZ) *For additional information*: Contact Minerva Escobar at [minervaescobar@callutheran.edu](mailto:minervaescobar@callutheran.edu). This research has been approved by the Institutional Review Board at California Lutheran University.",6.762429804775608,10.798638070234112,6.380723341370459,61.70095512172362,79.66889632107024,8.801462238469316,31.033755930621446,8.973190933345348,4.102940981566462,1569,72,203,45,43,488,154,299,0.0,0.887,0.113,0.9839,0,0,0,0,0,0,89.0,1,12,0,6,7,5,0,0,24,0,20,6,0,2,1,38,30,14,0,4,10,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,0,1,7,8,0,1,11,1,1,3,4,0,0,0,2,3,16,6,43,19,7,29,1,0,2,0,29,19,0,10,6,135,23,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691040266121693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629034264712448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060183803585928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980723700648552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765358060125481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825708248692593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04369274475996557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5511145331309352,0.0,0.0,0.11584092363101067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630380031362588,0.07647232287552681,0.07256471711554023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6095841664730786,0.09166998241364444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871525834461148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18970990106437005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680175062971634,0.0,0.08643586141252624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598857140610644,0.0,0.0,0.07955699891066338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050387810231376194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394357010608768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937008392861177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055646802023713235 bpd,WolfBiter771,2020/02/11,"I don't know where to put this This has been happening recently for a week, every night I'll have a dream and in some form or another. I'll interact with a person I've cut out from my life and as soon as I make eye contact with them or have the smallest of conversations. I'll start to feel really bad so much so that I'll wake up instantly feeling bad and thinking of the person. This is getting really difficult since I can't get a full night's sleep anymore and its low-key annoying too",9.32470873786408,5.370774844660194,9.689393203883494,71.4579733009709,62.68932038834952,14.183495145631067,39.342233009708735,12.161744961471696,4.4051572815533975,391,14,84,10,4,133,72,103,0.154,0.8109999999999999,0.035,-0.9132,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,5,5,2,0,6,0,7,4,3,1,0,15,16,10,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,3,5,0,13,15,4,12,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,3,6,51,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153696035176429,0.0,0.0,0.20369195509961646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429845879910649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305015856668154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20770298081601296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21461587493364792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816259350163172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287711946039683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145073219869638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709959827012008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098547893488867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854897045893945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35867771817941946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20647394775748826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631565290358693,0.0,0.2027981104416985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990095151264448,0.0,0.20553859764343294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537628829658664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160578995751104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16475168343702945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ImASharkRawwwr,2020/02/11,"Vent/DAE feel like they'll never belong anywhere because they don't have the strength anymore and everything always goes wrong in the worst way TW suicide I had a gf for new years whom I split on hard. I broke it up and regret it very much, you wouldn't believe. I still have some stuff I should ship back to her but it's so painful, every time I try I feel so much regret and self hatred and freeze up. Since then I had nobody. My mom or dad eventually check up on me but I feel very little if any connection anymore. My dad has had anger issues ever since I could remember and is probably part of my childhood trauma. My mom literally tries to get anyone I talk about in to a MLM. I told her I don't want that but she ignores it. Next up, I'm a trans woman. I've outed myself to everyone I meet just to stop any awkwardness or confusion and I'm happy to answer any questions somebody may have. A friend tried to get me back in to a group and go to meetups, but I fucked up. I interpreted his openness and advances as flirting and I agreed to meet him at a bar. We talked a lot, I was having fun just because I felt like I belong to someone again, someone will miss me if I'm gone, someone will care about me when nobody else does. Someone values what I have to say. At the end of the day, I took the last tram of the night, mentally and emotionally exhausted and gave him a kiss on the cheek and went home, dreaming about how everything will change for the better, how I wasn't alone anymore. Next morning I ask if he wanted to do something again, hang out and watch a movie on his couch and cuddle or anything really. And I guess the other shoe finally dropped and he told me he was ""straight"". In the beginning he said he always thought of me as being 100% female and said I'm brave for transitioning, and sent a lot of lovely messages with a ton of heart emojis and anime clips and GIFs about cuddling. So yes he told a trans woman she wasn't enough of a woman for him. But he still sees me as a woman and a friend, just not a ""bio-woman"" worthy of dating. Literally the worst thing that could be said to any trans person and I blew up on him, deleted my accounts, left everyone behind I ever knew. And I'm once again completely isolated, only going out for shopping or appointments I can't cancel. I think about reversing my transition because what's the point if I'll never be a ""biologically born woman"", if I get hurt or hurt someone every time I try to get close to them. I looked in to suicide methods and think I found two I could pull through. I also tried to call the suicide hotline but they had no concept of trans People or why shit like that hurts so much, and didn't really know anything about modern ideas about gender and sexuality. So that's it, I can literally get the stuff I need to remove myself from existence on eBay or even in larger grocery stores. I'm hurting, alone and ready to give up. But seriously, who even cares?",4.175307645009227,5.0671222823529405,5.201520803443327,83.61806312769012,70.71428571428572,7.8889116622258655,26.94916991186719,8.096554002634818,1.5841449067431856,2318,74,471,31,41,763,283,595,0.17600000000000002,0.705,0.11900000000000001,-0.9903,0,2,2,0,0,3,59.0,1,1,4,3,30,36,3,2,31,1,34,12,4,2,4,96,82,59,3,15,23,4,6,3,3,7,2,4,2,7,17,34,1,2,15,3,4,10,11,21,0,1,24,13,68,15,72,45,11,72,0,8,3,5,59,30,2,19,33,307,85,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263539077036968,0.0,0.05120625486299922,0.10655927308482828,0.0,0.0,0.17417544067076446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905071960825613,0.044772564937876166,0.0,0.10538552890819987,0.0,0.059861144914144286,0.0,0.0,0.09847309492269914,0.0,0.1170996815838186,0.0,0.0,0.07214197845738833,0.0,0.05663097618402878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538368768301996,0.0,0.13056949640501886,0.0,0.0677372169697922,0.0,0.06713618636954198,0.0,0.0,0.15337268833775067,0.0,0.0,0.04129525211757853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05603471170220893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053490402176410635,0.07202722342142465,0.05671322180426235,0.0661620276002257,0.0,0.0845848785273403,0.1158409655198039,0.10789920650542574,0.12237037144688714,0.11509541293961073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712929623042132,0.04574437318070148,0.06148062660235901,0.07014377216793634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702076288567409,0.09894171153651082,0.059196422260001276,0.1672700187088043,0.06142519422458495,0.0727815626731925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053831219282637,0.0,0.0,0.06816310504533495,0.05735996892254384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587806174208735,0.0,0.0,0.06422917586066236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741897194913018,0.0722841753271421,0.0,0.06683262525979385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03519023537242783,0.05219451166499548,0.0,0.0,0.06957080264019877,0.0,0.0,0.09384819645002196,0.06417674493557213,0.0,0.0,0.053770635096760666,0.0,0.0,0.10887519419602727,0.05779125311858201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452905386511151,0.0,0.0,0.1499866797775405,0.0,0.0,0.14121235287373618,0.04747881243270848,0.09877063488370133,0.061842368858431626,0.1361972178878208,0.06008956245073185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819184053364709,0.0,0.048699114492975995,0.06813441302979023,0.0,0.0,0.06934026391830281,0.0,0.0443916289752218,0.055910149842225317,0.0,0.0,0.06053080410026233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903717446884901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173033695632494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204089757811778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253561448463011,0.0,0.18272688443749507,0.05092070468022747,0.0,0.0,0.051025101743785925,0.0,0.0667991942293538,0.0,0.06572778355634339,0.1059356316375012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712699335767598,0.04929485371332035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227185133001927,0.05353350165174641,0.0,0.0,0.1466023191496147,0.2101213843200064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029327662741296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04253992218919271,0.08205806007663037,0.0,0.05083414397013766,0.07467498434431077,0.0,0.0,0.18355555717033076,0.07114175187953133,0.21736714700291587,0.0,0.0625498224833532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056659799996171,0.07553529941625363,0.05082550958862828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05935817521199582,0.05777879362925326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000878641191646,0.0,0.0412344181147228 bpd,Slutasaurus_rex,2020/02/11,"I thought things would be different this time. I should’ve known better. My favorite person is an alcoholic. I’m an alcoholic. That’s how we bonded. It started as a friendship, a long distance one, to practically a relationship built not really. It’s hard. I love him one day and hate him the next. Him being here physically drives me nuts. He got sober, and so did I. Not because of him but because I was out of control and ended up in the hospital. I’ll be 3 months sober Saturday. I impulsively bought a plane ticket to go see him and I’ll be there in 3 weeks. Well he relapsed. I’m in hate him mode. I need to quit him because it’ll never work. We get along so well, usually, I enjoy his friendship, our chemistry is amazing. Anyways I just needed to kind of vent because he’s not in a good place. I want to see him but I’m scared if he’s drinking I’ll end up drinking. I’m addicted to him and he’ll be harder to quit then drinking.",0.07252180808881548,2.4197199793814437,2.4653608247422696,90.67700237906423,91.4742268041237,5.458842188739097,22.409992069785886,7.010146845296331,0.8956620142743863,732,29,155,12,26,249,110,194,0.08199999999999999,0.758,0.16,0.9236,1,0,5,0,0,0,26.0,3,0,0,5,9,11,2,1,9,0,11,7,0,2,1,25,30,13,0,5,7,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,6,9,5,1,2,4,1,2,4,3,2,2,5,3,25,8,19,17,0,23,0,0,2,1,21,8,0,1,13,93,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776575687650197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701096550783143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081444247341005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176708174394492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173861412096966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815004460467675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203339919962884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713937261740804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22385880394366636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602493233945213,0.0,0.0718209663057238,0.10599608716133642,0.1010724239132474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320582422176455,0.2495353152015616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131598542336353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183656137953676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405700813632093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008701135677676,0.0,0.0,0.1874086822387684,0.09746702570581256,0.0,0.13439963965568189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126789398167555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103444564936626,0.13203339919962884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26882752319997466,0.0,0.0,0.08095809328946461,0.0,0.0,0.13567783366027492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265219089255117,0.0,0.2014066188461424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944780623996562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395693101333916,0.0,0.0,0.10032643452994504,0.07368939793935785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918254466490024,0.0,0.07453835827388325,0.0,0.10136919046742217,0.0,0.2272498876378409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200140538611316,0.0,0.0,0.08977210103908906,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,havivaporter,2020/02/11,"What do you say on facebook dating when you match with someone and their first message to you is ""I wanna f your face""? He's a business owner by the way. Seems legit and clean cut. I don't know what happened, I haven't replied yet.",-0.3389285714285748,1.9338255833333344,1.0967857142857156,99.4125,95.25,2.742857142857144,19.357142857142858,3.1291,-0.7641107142857142,180,6,39,0,7,57,40,48,0.048,0.89,0.062,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,1,1,2,1,1,0,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,6,7,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,8,0,5,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,1,4,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958780555469264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.411561094943421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557775180896202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701132238714126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4236923701778968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943409278641194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36942130567291626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,luxord9944,2020/02/11,"Any of you know how to cope after disconnecting yourself from everyone? Basically I've always had a strong friendship group around me that I've always made for myself. Seeing friends regularly, talking to people, all that, has always been really important to me. Lately, though, after some events that happened, I've felt really uncomfortable and judged by everyone. So I kinda just... don't talk to them anymore. I left our group chats, only talk to my one long term best friend and even then it's awkward because she just seems to want to make it feel like nothing is happening and keep me from hurting myself. One person I introduced into the group hurt me really deeply, but I can't see them or do things without excluding him which would make everyone feel shitty, but I feel so uncomfortable and awkward when he's around (he's one of my best friends who I had deep feelings for, but he did some things that really hurt and showed he didn't really care about how I felt) So, do any of you have experiences with this? Just splitting off from your whole support circle because it's just too hard and you're worried that they just see you as a mean, unforgiving, spoiled, brat? I feel so lonely and bored every day, and trying to meet new people is so hard. As a gay guy, a lot of other gay guys won't even look at you twice unless you look like a model, and I'm not even that bad looking (allegedly). I'm just sick of this lonely feeling, but involving myself with others who suffer with bpd makes me feel so much less alone.",8.502755102040815,7.0496631530612275,8.172789115646264,73.8710204081633,62.02721088435374,11.257142857142858,33.585034013605444,10.125756701596842,3.114703401360544,1213,37,228,21,14,388,161,294,0.171,0.715,0.114,-0.9670000000000001,1,5,0,0,0,1,36.0,1,6,3,3,23,20,0,2,6,0,15,3,0,6,1,55,45,28,0,2,14,0,11,2,3,2,1,0,0,3,18,15,0,1,12,2,0,0,6,10,0,4,8,17,30,10,34,35,10,17,0,6,6,2,33,7,0,6,12,152,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790671254339999,0.0,0.0,0.21187275885029347,0.0,0.0,0.11543819719785815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417492609481345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111659972960706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708685385529551,0.10348015451103894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17814581927634293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689929176412624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653750044197572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054738480223457286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681808729714029,0.0,0.07151232016464454,0.24331010759943514,0.0,0.08302574526810172,0.0,0.0,0.300413635283657,0.060635965111843625,0.16298997540041313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19672669287000927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808264793205288,0.15011245436201012,0.0,0.15206578788016384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725869398093774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544235270383153,0.0,0.0,0.046646040506251804,0.0,0.09574466773825237,0.0,0.09221883410731137,0.0,0.0,0.08293298271933629,0.0,0.0,0.0751132502982914,0.21382527251314654,0.0,0.0,0.07215917519229055,0.0,0.08031243037226357,0.16996766337245053,0.0,0.0,0.09245566010018938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623941751873253,0.0,0.0,0.08197449128269205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144152801378744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254404145683128,0.06455259088826122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117685698967454,0.0741111017488236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27187108803743376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20290733530936733,0.07726860284328499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631712681292297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046621428172764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112776678676303,0.0,0.08339097311656156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05762573984810989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050062504540436925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476185705194116,0.0,0.08181815540357756,0.0,0.0,0.08619645673012362,0.0,0.06029400593128763,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,redditflesh,2020/02/11,"I feel stable until I get into a relationship Every time I get into a relationship I lose control of my emotions. When I'm single I usually have a good hold on my anxiety and depression but the second I get feelings for someone it spirals out of control. I [F19] stayed single for a year because of it but I've been talking to a boy [M20] and I'm having panic attacks out of nowhere when we're not talking. I'm thinking I'm just doomed to be alone. tldr: I lose my shit when I start a relationship",2.932936893203884,4.278840194174759,5.470084951456312,78.77658373786406,74.24271844660194,7.480097087378643,30.350728155339805,8.07648339933343,2.290418446601941,392,18,75,6,8,140,60,103,0.29100000000000004,0.675,0.034,-0.9818,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,4,4,8,2,1,7,0,4,1,1,2,0,16,15,8,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,1,2,12,1,14,13,2,14,1,4,0,0,6,5,1,0,8,51,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297898260942845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038106238608567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790213427994282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592606647728524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529884464351116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553516812170682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701042723550708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258379078525254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913333326055476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24664455522962386,0.0,0.0,0.13198730059314642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520943748735991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846297313921736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5068418512814046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16152924541431887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333318280440252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113812293053989,0.1677263455957501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529623115986537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008308496587189,0.0,0.0,0.0917587146546833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733113820705832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133560091007944 bpd,sprinklesbubbles123,2020/02/11,"DAE text obsessively? It usually with my FP. I feel ashamed and “crazy” but there will be times I text them repeatedly, even if they aren’t replying. I don’t mean to cross boundaries, I just get so panicked. There are a few scenarios for me when this happens 1. I obsessively text because I think they are mad at me. I’m so desperate for reassurance that they aren’t so I can’t rest till I get a response 2 we are fighting and I just want to badly to “resolve” it. I don’t like waiting. I want to fix it and I feel the only way to do that is to talk. 3. I’m having an issue/worry and my anxiety is so intense, it is all I can think about. I need reassurance. 4. And this is probably the most common for me. I’ll send a message. Over analyze and panic, thinking I said something wrong. So then I try to correct it with another text. And then I worry that text was wrong. So I send another. And it just cycles. I understand this isn’t good behavior at all and I need to change and I’m working on that. I’m just wondering if anyone else does this???",-0.4239726027397275,1.8129921506849345,2.451520547945208,90.48851369863014,93.24657534246576,6.0250228310502285,21.911872146118718,7.42949916751922,1.0849663926940645,807,32,178,17,30,282,111,219,0.204,0.698,0.098,-0.9789,2,0,1,0,2,0,29.0,1,0,4,2,15,14,2,4,6,0,19,0,0,0,3,38,40,23,0,6,7,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,14,13,0,1,9,0,0,3,6,9,0,0,2,3,30,5,19,36,5,16,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,4,9,122,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32160559304196634,0.1173137533880342,0.0,0.0,0.10722718633105628,0.15712710316315875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804239784014454,0.09348187067919704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16222593446779726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419924636966293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281058016008586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128745743320278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507861655241875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602400352856714,0.0,0.0,0.12862426469104193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356085436121892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491997284157555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670451325065175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274169225981718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663100005865973,0.0,0.17992536655951613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533924247611054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587273636924156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805775415401293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325841644500075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947850400131411,0.0,0.0,0.08942070296471104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411584686413272,0.0,0.0,0.15964469481753285,0.0,0.0,0.16889540873430464,0.0,0.1809018008308675,0.12172356876566412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16630355094442065,0.11164198071122523,0.3114725160249288,0.0,0.0,0.3353323713223825,0.0,0.0 bpd,tufftitzzies,2020/02/11,"DAE feel like they are constantly contradicting themselves? I feel like everything I do and say is a contradiction. I constantly shit on myself for not being at where I want to be in life than get incredibly angry when I feel like the people I’m close to don’t recognize how much progression I’m making. I say really judgmental and say horrible things about people.. but am also extremely empathetic, the type to find the good in anyone & to speak up in defense of someone being shit on. i can reflect on the fact that when i was being judgmental at that point in time it could have been because i felt insecure or threatened. but then i contradict that and say feeling insecure is not a good enough reason to put someone down. i have total different personalities - none of which i feel are genuinely real - that i act out to different people/types. and these personalities all contradict each other. does anyone else feel like this? i feel like im going crazy because i dont know what to believe or think sometimes",7.484153110047848,7.800554094736848,8.038995215311008,68.19160287081343,63.31578947368421,11.751196172248804,34.641148325358856,11.389717465364855,4.21578947368421,818,33,139,23,11,272,113,190,0.172,0.693,0.135,-0.8614,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,1,6,12,3,2,6,0,18,3,2,3,3,35,34,13,0,2,6,0,8,5,0,0,1,5,0,2,11,7,0,1,13,0,0,3,5,5,0,0,3,13,17,7,24,26,6,24,0,0,0,0,8,15,2,2,11,98,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397021695467716,0.0,0.11376983380257025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683995154535034,0.10758715678552216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801672626680013,0.0,0.0,0.1183015160709164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269401389459173,0.0,0.08383570815127747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21940988921671092,0.0,0.0,0.09188812794874407,0.0,0.12306178986412206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771585986444973,0.0,0.0,0.10849533570881596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436920177900708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716458512904489,0.37506794342958094,0.10081857320207864,0.0,0.0959701034398822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054859312787354,0.0,0.05967516687482316,0.17614171779604565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134203884585262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05770646001772145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416615521435764,0.2564938416799999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008978014181287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718869461821798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455906012261166,0.18336773211713808,0.0,0.0,0.09926101345116776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555620720945988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951548517469288,0.06726709449091997,0.10795974397158216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340078379817918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155664873341198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793603720221152,0.0,0.10384985519692744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975879226119165,0.06728116639216958,0.0,0.0,0.0612276239812437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061933014791738426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,brainchemicald,2020/02/11,"Would a letter help? I was playing a video game with a friend and she mildly insulted me. Unfortunately my brain has spicy feelings and I SPLIT. I have a crush on her and I went from idealizing our future life together (creepy :(, I know) to wanting to move away from the fucking country. I threw a magazine across the room and was physically shaking with rage. I didn’t say anything besides fuck you (jokingly) but I can tell that I need to express my feelings so that this doesn’t occur again and we can have a positive relationship, because she is a good friend to me. I am a very stuttery person and I want to make sure I have all my words in order. Would giving this person a lettter as to why I don’t like being roasted be dumb? I don’t want to make it a big deal but I also don’t want to ruin this relationship.",2.3676363636363646,4.351773521212124,4.147272727272732,84.92090909090913,77.42424242424242,6.824242424242425,25.54545454545455,7.793537801064563,1.4471090909090911,641,24,130,10,15,216,101,165,0.122,0.677,0.201,0.9083,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,1,0,1,3,15,5,1,12,0,19,4,1,2,2,27,34,11,0,8,2,0,2,1,2,2,1,1,1,2,6,9,0,0,3,4,0,4,5,7,0,0,5,3,26,8,17,25,1,13,0,1,0,2,21,6,3,0,3,92,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944334033904756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320106031745485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520774468010544,0.0,0.0,0.098671369851219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18069481378582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16687565379776215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636875622907733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25011291441668804,0.29928307211516725,0.0,0.155275607299888,0.0,0.13576463865089505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849466259696887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895674222048673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432999960250767,0.07907903741959947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160922192229813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720368232710804,0.0,0.1200208078693478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826684581325941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34756475551377736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287215033370779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152555797783463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147709893306404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13355553386928856,0.3818885601420957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500504283398233,0.14605793897915548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299684296827377,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,etracey1,2020/02/11,"How do I stop the tantrums? It happened again, I lashed out and I yelled. The issue was important to me, it still is. I think the point I was trying to make was valid. But, I ruined it all by yelling. There’s no valid issue anymore because I lost control. I seem to get upset and just yell. In the moment, when it feels like no one is listening to me or someone is talking over me, I yell. It’s harsh, it’s mean, and just not right. I feel crazy. I don’t know how to come down after I get triggered like that. It’s harming my relationship, I need to do something but I’m out of ideas. My boyfriend is my FP, I’m scared shitless I’m going to loose him. I am understanding now that I need to be able to deal with this on my own. He won’t listen to me, when he does, it’s too late. The explosion has already happened and I have calmed myself down. I have given him resources, ideas, tips, and I have been so open with him. I don’t know what else to do. I want to find a way to have a plan, that I don’t need his help with, to calm down or just not get triggered in the first place.",0.7542284896791323,2.3012753690987147,2.4109625996321284,97.53899856938486,80.71673819742489,5.296464336807683,20.537298181075002,5.916634753146586,-0.2289749029225421,823,22,203,5,21,270,121,233,0.105,0.8140000000000001,0.081,-0.5158,0,0,1,0,1,0,35.0,0,0,0,4,13,10,1,2,8,0,22,0,0,6,1,44,49,14,0,4,9,0,2,2,0,1,0,6,0,0,13,12,0,2,11,0,0,2,8,6,0,2,6,8,34,4,29,41,2,26,0,2,0,0,12,13,0,3,12,136,47,0,0.1405879370126868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551422844340158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942545641099138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570110151287974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110405922974665,0.0,0.0,0.1576813257946556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14493998986448156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230294510851912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174431815240426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421709702969537,0.1004360502926615,0.0,0.0,0.1284948274643689,0.11958402740361047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22035418360804315,0.0,0.07989936445458974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486428968030537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423313071307884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174133369296318,0.0,0.2934745606970112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545269069799749,0.0,0.15858931652981978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373683293068052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346834069127122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384353963919048,0.0,0.0,0.15314147817282928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31273252173487703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526602456420424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146884471561179,0.0,0.13290104251409834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093883078495374,0.0,0.12006133004939727,0.0,0.0,0.140753050713608,0.0,0.0,0.12798597774270504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911970280574992,0.10823146241752728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227370810317333,0.11753781045371033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299925839439295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008307334563748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544998079705866,0.0,0.0,0.14635700053010112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292240775793004,0.11159216057084773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,xomoonchildox,2020/02/11,"I’m obsessed??? AOE Become obsessed easily? This is a multi answer question: 1.) Do you find that you get obsessed with things or people really easily? I’m talking obsession to the point where you get angry when people hate on said thing or person. 2.) Have you ever become so obsessed with someone that you fall in love with them and genuinely miss them? I feel weird about it considering this person is famous and I’ve never met them and probably never will.",3.3378940568475457,6.058034313953495,4.738992248062019,78.10587855297159,77.95348837209302,7.078036175710594,22.34625322997416,8.167268648758528,1.7132702842377256,365,11,59,7,9,121,59,86,0.20800000000000002,0.701,0.091,-0.8156,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,5,3,0,5,9,1,5,2,0,5,1,0,0,3,15,15,7,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,7,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,8,0,0,2,2,9,1,7,12,0,9,0,1,0,1,15,4,0,3,4,41,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4437556953821913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817252090608148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158088481738688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18361861413796285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099235204614536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983467835197973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18131975174301124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098923458168431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785570033838565,0.3508356002769298,0.0,0.0,0.1899150784936935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166037706440686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250535537389383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870144164476566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19110154527477768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702215970660997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614755055470972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669375628413677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,goxxatri,2020/02/11,"Validation The need for it has gotten me in all the wrong situations. Embarrassing ones to gross ones. Acting too clingy to accepting any and all attention from the creepiest people. Older men have always tried to take advantage of me and even as a part of me is aware, the child in me will refuse to let that opportunity go. I hate unwanted attention, but will thrive at it nonetheless. And the best way to get that is by provocative pics or stuff like that it makes me feel so gross and disgusting but what can I do nobody can ever see any importance in me otherwise unless I have something like that for them I legit have no worth otherwise, even as my body is ugly and scarred it's still worth more than me as a person ahahah A few likes on a shit app like insta will give me more confidence than a half assed comment irl I hate everything about this and I can't stop Inside I'm so thankful I've told myself I will absolutely not live past 18 I'm scared to even think about what I could impulsively do if I got that freedom and it was 'okay' for me to do this throwaway obviously because I'm fucked up this post is fucked up sorry I feel like ill never escape this cycle I wish someone was out there who survived it without just being told ""oh you're such a nice person that's not true haha""",3.830444015444016,5.365761571428575,4.905287644787645,82.95947586872589,72.28185328185326,8.268803088803088,24.919111969111967,8.841846274778883,1.7233674131274133,1033,31,207,20,20,339,156,259,0.203,0.593,0.204,0.28300000000000003,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,4,13,25,6,2,11,2,23,6,3,2,6,37,46,17,0,5,9,0,2,5,0,4,1,0,0,4,20,8,0,2,6,0,2,2,6,11,0,3,6,3,23,14,31,33,7,18,0,0,1,3,11,8,4,2,11,144,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079849612734177,0.0,0.0,0.17650578566391198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791109286871851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13619308234785735,0.0,0.0,0.14415312577126074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361647141597624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571496942782369,0.11739083623039807,0.0,0.0,0.11663530868062427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312384239409093,0.0927128014933526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23995371515653655,0.06780318960357404,0.12449404031263725,0.073755328834,0.0,0.10379461938786123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562560791794897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327058993498644,0.0,0.3170127312201234,0.0,0.1145955758659234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662723630259628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622809115397132,0.10009211656668048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17588067230332471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053597584033406,0.12388694700976953,0.08997111554875578,0.2266327534234385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429060863768032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299295383716221,0.0,0.10341556349373067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332143502193216,0.0,0.1458749219561142,0.0,0.0,0.10995973386045818,0.09990876842739244,0.0,0.1452748624519344,0.0,0.0,0.10364017682854544,0.10849948456559698,0.0,0.0,0.1485637551540161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757624436707164,0.0,0.0,0.1194813373234317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831559392535715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24801520204039865,0.0,0.08811014666940375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301103837787297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923728496929026,0.12510051396877195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418909095498726,0.0,0.0 bpd,jensamember,2020/02/11,"DAE get very anxious around loud noises? I’m not sure if this is a BPD thing or just a ‘me’ thing—or maybe even an audio processing disorder of some kind. When I’m around loud sounds (like a vacuum cleaner, hair/hand dryers, even a TV on too loud) I get very anxious. Some examples: In public restrooms, when the toilet loudly flushes and I can’t hear anything else for that 5-10 seconds, I get very nervous and refuse to open my stall until the sound has stopped. Another example: My dad watches TV extremely loudly. When I am at his house and the TV is on that loud, I feel like I can’t focus on anything. Others around me seem to do fine ignoring it or talking over it, and them talking over it just makes me even more anxious. Then I just get angry about it. I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember. As a child, there was a lot of yelling and fighting in the house and I remember covering my head with pillows until I could hardly breathe just to block out some of the yelling. So I suppose it could be a side effect from my childhood environment. Just wondering if anyone else struggles with this too, along with their BPD?",5.831378488767867,5.678455296460179,6.122743362831859,82.12943839346495,66.83185840707965,9.254731109598367,32.428863172226,8.841846274778883,2.49157494894486,891,34,180,13,13,286,129,226,0.152,0.8059999999999999,0.042,-0.9681,0,0,0,0,4,0,26.0,0,0,2,1,19,9,1,2,13,0,13,2,2,2,1,43,24,20,0,4,10,1,2,2,0,0,0,12,2,1,12,15,0,4,6,3,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,15,21,5,31,19,5,24,0,0,1,0,11,14,0,10,11,123,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694254223501326,0.0,0.3779708184837017,0.0,0.07798011003263189,0.1142694237629458,0.18354934883697915,0.2978397695905902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280920917890723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808553264963914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781606136419635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863278305897343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209814696950334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563898391641534,0.07967270266857505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330665572932297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990351667934826,0.0,0.11445570498866625,0.0,0.12569555043110364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573672343379328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613498916383605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896989701455503,0.0,0.0,0.09869514975885356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948136390556443,0.0,0.0,0.07444307506371703,0.0,0.11204075613503443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526696965717478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152717794784152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932389813946918,0.0,0.11658900382414746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051099641313859,0.0,0.0,0.17927738674693314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481830588752597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760567132520492,0.0,0.0885224877262488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094292170853398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,IvysaurousRex,2020/02/11,"Mad at my partner and told him I needed space Just wanted to share this, as it's still developing but I'm proud for being skillful here. I'm currently feeling anger towards my partner due to feeling hurt. It's a small thing, that boils down to miscommunication. I know logically that he didn't mean to hurt me (like actually, when I calm down I know that it actually was a miscommunication). He apologized multiple times already. But after telling him how I felt and why I felt it, I asked- no, TOLD him I needed space. He's really respectful of my space and immediately obliged. I'm proud of myself for giving myself space from him instead of keeping him there and getting more and more upset. The usual pattern is to feel the urge to ask for space, but then fear that he will be unhappy about it and that I will feel abandoned by his absence. So I don't take space or time. I keep him near and grow more angry and resentful. I do my best to not explode on him and to just explain what I'm feeling, but it's no fun to feel such intense anger. Now that I'm here still, taking my space, I'm calming down. I know we'll be alright, and I'm not at risk of saying anything I'll regret later on.",4.433117219917012,5.119958481327803,5.756574170124482,80.61876167012451,69.99585062240665,8.348651452282159,29.585321576763484,8.472884824447931,2.0459811203319496,938,35,192,14,16,316,124,241,0.19699999999999998,0.633,0.17,-0.9301,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,0,4,14,21,4,3,4,1,11,1,0,1,0,41,44,20,0,4,9,0,8,1,2,3,0,1,0,2,15,10,1,3,14,0,0,1,6,11,0,0,6,9,30,10,30,32,4,30,0,4,0,0,25,17,0,1,13,126,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.2651354148433449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991125676583647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179103868701228,0.0,0.2539984241204587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256372461676572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152866371009246,0.4121319131774058,0.0,0.2608700901617356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097478876418392,0.1303174417789258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908554320198338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24149526133141686,0.0,0.0,0.22397494255692185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636829849880473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797791291793794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014586181790403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702748138277801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803150158948084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21697621309251625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20428104851250967,0.0,0.11873683139202378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902511404831885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842771109605994,0.0,0.0,0.2596164970710436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961699099463038,0.0,0.08012646201769398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122581371860329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,88138a,2020/02/11,"a poem about splitting i love you so much you give me such love you sit on my shoulders i hold you above you text me something, i reply message... delivered, not read? (i bet that fucking whore saw the notification) i don’t even know what i said you hate me you hate me i’m sorry i’m sorry i love you i love you don’t leave me don’t leave me i fucking hate you you never fucking loved me you never even cared how could i not see this is it i’m fucking done pills in my hand three, two— a text from you, it’s you! i’m so sorry, you’re not a whore i knew you always fucking loved me and every night i love you more",-2.2155637254901994,-0.5723128014705878,0.5023529411764721,101.55392156862746,107.16176470588236,2.8549019607843142,13.754901960784313,4.7782277997778095,-1.3830480392156863,473,11,116,2,24,160,66,136,0.233,0.61,0.157,-0.7741,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,16,0,0,7,18,8,0,4,0,6,17,2,1,2,12,32,4,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,8,10,0,1,4,4,38,8,4,27,2,6,0,0,2,14,26,2,5,1,3,72,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287808041887057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155239342419377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952527971917556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192894899707328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315743278246408,0.0,0.08392023382864287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604090946330157,0.0,0.09554874088972584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950134679071784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054739471708545366,0.0,0.0,0.21093142267182946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6292722518404189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322002361565629,0.0,0.15364069937672653,0.0,0.0,0.09347112541133804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996304413175626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474572529565913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937108359093419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667963063217832,0.0,0.3344938477862562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972981340410348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cailedoll,2020/02/11,"I’m not important I don’t want advice, I just need to vent because I feel like I have no one. I’m so fucking sad. I feel so fucking unimportant and unwanted. I feel like I’m only wanted until someone better comes along. I know I’m a shit person I know I’m unlovable but I really fucking thought this person cared. I know I’m probably overreacting but it hurts so fucking much",0.17045454545454675,2.5660597051282075,3.060069930069933,85.7531118881119,92.97435897435898,5.9132867132867135,23.75757575757576,7.348242739294969,1.5291897435897437,299,13,58,6,11,105,46,78,0.249,0.628,0.122,-0.7587,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,12,5,0,1,0,2,5,1,0,0,18,24,7,0,4,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,8,0,1,1,3,10,4,3,23,1,2,0,2,0,4,2,0,5,0,3,29,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006554223968988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985225595706823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486966964923864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700718480460472,0.0,0.0,0.14110102794689602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24846983058244615,0.2340405437993729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.605729705901964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535356425272403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270064094783536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16005089008426035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041341029057595,0.1214572012693728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099656014768568,0.1245788984085632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860513974317437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766063969358103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049358366280542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814052895082415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387890102241227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004059156466716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322947635105575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheAutumnWind89,2020/02/11,"Throwing things replacements When I get out of control and end up in a rage, I tend to throw things (not a person but at walls and doors). I just pick up whatever is closest to me and I throw it like a 2 year old in a tantrum. It's horrible. I'm working to ground myself before that point arrives but sometimes I fail and I hate that destructive bitch that comes out then. So I was wondering if anyone found a good replacement for that urge? I'm looking at getting like soft foam balls so that I can throw them instead and not break or destroy anything. Has anyone done that? And what brand or kind worked for you? I'm just so tired of breaking things. I hate myself so much when I finally have gotten control of myself and see what I've done.",2.3275428571428587,4.408334440000001,3.1419047619047618,91.62000000000002,77.93333333333334,6.152380952380952,24.714285714285715,7.1686216300943375,0.9756285714285721,586,21,122,7,14,185,90,150,0.239,0.655,0.107,-0.9803,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,5,9,12,7,0,5,0,7,1,0,3,0,24,21,19,0,1,9,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,13,10,0,2,2,1,0,5,2,8,0,0,5,3,16,4,16,16,1,26,0,1,2,0,3,12,1,4,9,82,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22433414736286397,0.0,0.13200926060864032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650278083497558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818476697543913,0.0,0.0,0.35984189794954025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32832392161492685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420815657458254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757286336391813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17588861147221654,0.0,0.0,0.16762219041270734,0.0,0.0,0.13454990164785752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167565239170845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670492883516216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674297538660606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347096106100784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792471879073378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833032239846366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400696588545788,0.0,0.0,0.15164561541049204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783132605512262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865619999312305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197211457430458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18437537730641326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17396504832901602,0.2335705095854053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033030835133674 bpd,Shortdood,2020/02/11,Best ways to support my girlfriend who has BPD? Ive just started seeing this girl and she is amazing. She opened up to me about her battles with depression and BPD and i want to do everything i can to help her keep getting better. Thankyou,1.6273049645390074,4.316810063829788,2.528829787234045,90.88416666666667,86.65957446808511,4.835460992907802,26.9822695035461,6.42735559955562,1.237073758865248,191,9,36,2,6,60,37,47,0.105,0.601,0.294,0.8834,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,2,6,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,11,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,9,4,7,11,1,4,0,1,1,0,8,2,0,0,1,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27378887454421885,0.2307367752694114,0.0,0.0,0.6571658408951696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22470492582220813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344718934712331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363047127801706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486965220142495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318917943026124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20789624738051296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18465990204536173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960558699223417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538801957931914,0.2070830307744546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,xLiv_Robbox,2020/02/11,"I think I have BPD but How do I come across getting a diagnosis? Hi everyone! (21 F) I have got a diagnosis of anxiety and depression, basically all my life I’ve struggled really bad when it comes to relationships with people, I always used to be a loner throughout school, I had a few friends in college but they weren’t the best friendships or relationships. My struggles eventually got worse over time, I have mood swings almost every single day, one minute I’ll be happy and the next I’ll be depressed or extremely angry sometimes it will be over the smallest of things or over nothing at all - I overreact all the time but I don’t know how to stop. I can’t hold a healthy relationship with anyone this includes friendships and even relationships with my own family! I really really fear abandonment which has caused me to push people away to the point where they leave and I’m beating myself up about it wondering why they have left me. I have been with my partner for just under two months, he is incredible and is so supportive towards me, he treats me like a queen, he has seen me at my worst states and is still there reassuring me that he loves me and won’t leave even when I’ve been a nasty cow lol - I split on him a lot, when I am having an “episode” I will tell him I don’t want to be with him and that I’m better off on my own then the next minute I’ll tell him I’m sorry and that I love him and how I’m so happy we’re together but then a few hours later I’ll split on him again. He knows I don’t mean it when I tell him I would rather be on my own and tells me that he’s not going anywhere, which is great but I’ve heard it from people before who have ended up leaving so it triggers off my anxiety which then triggers off my anger and I start over thinking, it’s a vicious cycle. I’ve read up on BPD and all the symptoms match me to a T, for the past 5 years of knowing what BPD is I’ve been trying and trying to get the mental health team to diagnose me but I’ve got nowhere other than being told it’s just my depression, anxiety and how I have a fear of intimacy but I know it’s much more than that!!! Without knowing what’s wrong fully I feel like there’s no way of me being able to get better or being able to control my emotions or my thoughts. This has ruined so much for me and I can’t allow this to ruin another relationship for me as I’m finally with someone who I’ve been waiting for throughout my whole life. I feel like I’ve met my Prince Charming but I can’t risk losing him but I know I will if I carry on the way I am. Please, please help!",3.3835894932135524,4.236341061224493,4.828669563519189,85.70704301337761,72.52504638218923,7.974240796797187,25.87252221462748,8.288913261614885,1.4500137291280155,2028,63,441,31,38,680,233,539,0.177,0.662,0.161,-0.8668,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,3,8,24,34,2,5,23,1,45,7,0,10,4,79,83,47,0,4,20,0,2,3,2,5,5,1,0,1,26,24,0,5,13,2,0,4,11,17,0,2,14,4,70,16,57,55,17,56,0,7,1,2,39,26,0,9,26,298,96,4,0.1379439975649082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906549379604551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057390228218625015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232315450276093,0.15829017085174474,0.0,0.0,0.04822682522754116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480146327547773,0.0,0.057588738021035375,0.0,0.0,0.058690090936120064,0.0,0.07238185748801672,0.12200025594610285,0.0,0.0,0.2606034539616644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085324196104767,0.0,0.11882653950588334,0.0,0.0,0.07735796144261872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044481233303587886,0.0,0.1782164444570036,0.07000512691502228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758421525302235,0.061088718947417964,0.0,0.0,0.09111070941079624,0.0,0.0581118837121327,0.06590570056670808,0.0,0.0,0.06502066210140166,0.15522534797467405,0.06974862992218829,0.0985472194228844,0.0,0.0755554533415123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05328759516688356,0.0,0.10810506794868974,0.0,0.039198376368404335,0.0,0.16548962441497975,0.07604187215020124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468439504660567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733140094296811,0.0,0.0,0.04623047691654224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792352544957055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22743124054343514,0.0,0.0,0.2190941638205328,0.07493827848648116,0.0,0.0974339249687603,0.101088704084637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716202428353909,0.0,0.05863752690282529,0.12449984349557153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513072650839478,0.0,0.0,0.06950755238547082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05505279139690345,0.0,0.10140471024999377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467050063508122,0.0,0.0,0.06618049301685859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046737211384349366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584157718218857,0.1434494987136264,0.0,0.0,0.151421085521249,0.06520083256959723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899066358485965,0.0,0.13255568564701628,0.0,0.0,0.3702505732118901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980334500711928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05843975074577746,0.0,0.06821507040528936,0.07720850581624697,0.04881873573515051,0.0,0.05508112732243076,0.0576636793437979,0.0,0.14420901710775688,0.0,0.0,0.07826860686316456,0.0,0.0716883156416338,0.0,0.0,0.2411382679990789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04582193125316879,0.08838894370509677,0.0,0.05475606278624311,0.08043625429634099,0.0,0.0,0.06590570056670808,0.0,0.09365491946476044,0.0,0.0673756207870608,0.0,0.0,0.05956966190286605,0.0,0.0,0.040681471884760616,0.10949352450245244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062236500993019625,0.07700477350853295,0.0,0.06648654555476953,0.074797190531084,0.0,0.0,0.07028835920202564,0.048995729031735324,0.07541005326285227,0.0,0.04441570588009349 bpd,rh7744,2020/02/11,"I feel like I have no friends My friend who lives far away asked to facetime tonight and I've been trying all night and she hasn't answered and its sent me over the edge. I hate that I take it so personally when stuff like this happens but I was literally in the hospital last week because I couldn't cope anymore so I really need my friends rn. I'm not trying to be selfish or over sensitive, and I dont normally post stuff like this I just relate to so much on here x",1.8157575757575763,3.6628212828282862,3.2414141414141433,91.41545454545457,78.5959595959596,6.824242424242425,25.141414141414145,7.793537801064563,1.1965232323232329,373,14,84,6,9,122,72,99,0.083,0.764,0.153,0.7140000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,6,8,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,1,14,15,10,0,3,4,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,3,1,13,6,8,10,2,13,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,8,54,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18325235162087766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727445860598527,0.0,0.1736071232580264,0.0,0.0,0.11264032259963032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21656107157580892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343044415913723,0.13200704431900298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4282822779603088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340056086556515,0.0,0.0,0.1824322372767812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062056238813062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27082288304833585,0.0,0.1631643421235549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358347415433833,0.13701221070971653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734037430616645,0.1810454080468757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16134298308012265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696839722879582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837495684752655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4230583456637286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893174844435505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509073148258986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821956718206636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,soapydinky,2020/02/11,Ways to develop stable sense of self? Any input would be greatly appreciated❤,3.6014285714285705,6.851760571428574,6.52571428571429,60.744285714285716,86.14285714285714,8.514285714285714,28.42857142857143,8.841846274778883,3.736828571428571,64,3,9,2,2,23,14,14,0.0,0.845,0.155,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34430740804083915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5582073398994687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5281905953159072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018844310408625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596673095477932,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,buffalogoop,2020/02/12,"aaaaaahhhhhh hump days Constantly feel like I’m over sharing with my boss when truth is I’m just stuck with a baby all day and don’t have coworkers so it’s nice to be able to talk to someone other than my fiancé. But literally every day as soon as I get in my car I freak out to the point of a panic attack bc I think I’ve over shared too much personal shit. Monday it was about church shit (I’m agnostic but still see the hypocrisy and toxic behavior in this cliquey church my fiancé’s family is involved it) Today I was talking about my family guilting me bc I’m not driving 7 hours to visit for Valentine’s Day ... then I showed her a new tapestry I got yesterday. ??????wtf I feel so sporadic and weird but I enjoy her as a person so fuck me right? Why can’t I just have normal conversations and take the social hint she wants me to leave without fucking word vomiting every chance I get??? I hate myself and I recoil in cringe the second I get into my car. She’s nice and I just appreciate her niceness ya know??? Fuck. Sorry for this shit post just needed to vent to get it out 🙂🙃",0.9437946428571422,3.2352281473214286,3.1811857142857143,88.2138142857143,84.49107142857143,6.0840000000000005,20.12071428571429,7.404127859558343,0.6961477142857153,851,25,177,14,25,290,132,224,0.166,0.721,0.113,-0.9251,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,0,13,20,8,2,8,0,9,8,3,1,2,31,31,17,0,3,9,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,7,11,0,0,4,1,0,4,4,12,0,1,4,3,30,8,28,26,2,29,3,0,1,4,16,10,6,0,15,107,37,1,0.12440387415732382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415273663803462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443639267809798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209208286229814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096312589452831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345538017885129,0.0,0.12580467338425194,0.08887415255506154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34502813112337305,0.2599835586665928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949714267379488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282307031673938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251275679282984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836911579448851,0.0,0.0,0.1317257402312052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607774490308634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145116159885233,0.09224389637188986,0.0,0.12015003687075017,0.0,0.0,0.12188938323070335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596114201154636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21724932886611628,0.0,0.0,0.11760187196437093,0.0,0.1191445230356743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062402287991344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913378107950338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830963672723528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268140831541018,0.10540699886766992,0.0,0.0,0.139259952023934,0.0,0.0,0.0993490946010742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353623111314202,0.1999822434253148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971297935173738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179203265379428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337662817122714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225514664216736,0.0,0.0,0.11992089532505827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Cherrytom_,2020/02/12,"Recently Diagnosed & Freaking Out I’m a 37yr old F, mother of 2, I’ve just completed a year of psychotherapy and during the last session I casually asked “so, if you were to label what is wrong with me, what would you diagnose?” I honestly thought she’d say “complex PTSD” as I initially started going because I was suffering depression and we traced the origin back to a difficult childhood growing up with a covert narc as a mother. Since becoming a mother I have really struggled with my emotions, I spent the previous year analyzing my childhood and examining the severely fucked up stuff went down (I realize how bad the emotional abuse was after this reflection and low contact with my family) The symptoms I went for treatment for were: lack of energy and motivation, feelings of despair and hopelessness, occasional suicidal ideation, getting angry/agitated/frustrated/irritated over little things and mood changes with no specific cause (I actually thought it was due to my cycle) The main issue was really struggling to control my emotions around and towards my children. This frightened me into treatment as the last thing I want to do is fuck up my children in the way that I was as a child. So anyway, the answer from the psychologist was “well, I don’t like putting labels on people but seen as you ask, I would say you have BPD or agitated depression. If you want specialist treatment for BPD then I will need to put that diagnosis on your report for the referral. However, if you don’t want that on your insurance records then I can say you have agitated depression and you continue with regular therapy, but you’ll miss out on specialist treatment” I couldn’t believe it, I was in complete shock! I spoke to my partner about it and asked what I should do, we researched the symptoms and lo and behold, I match every symptom on the 9 point checklist (at least now or in the past) I haven’t gone back to her with what I should have on my report. I’m confused, she was talking about insurance and stigma and I don’t want this diagnosis to affect me in the future. This news has sent me into a really dark place and as if by proving the diagnosis point I have gone through phases of extreme activity feeling positive and hopeful, spending time researching treatment options and going OTT. Then in pits of despair barely able to get out of bed. To make matters worse, my partner is really frustrated with me generally. I’m not currently working, and money is tight and we’re going backwards every month. I’m draining all my hard earned savings (I spent my whole adulthood as a workaholic squirreling money away, but now I’m not working it’s draining away) So we’re looking to downsize our house, but I can’t get the energy to sort through and deep clean everything. I’m trying to do a bit each day and also caring for the children. I’m also manically searching and applying for roles here there and everywhere as getting a job would take a lot of financial pressure off us, and that feels like the most urgent thing to do. I feel lost, alone and not sure what to do with myself. Help!! My heads in a mess and I don’t know if I’d be carrying on if I didn’t have my beautiful children to be a mother to. Does anybody have any advice for me? I appreciate you reading this.",6.316310679611652,7.278285606796121,7.104432038834955,71.64548300970877,65.9093851132686,10.516569579288024,36.485598705501616,10.522638547272203,4.158595987055016,2627,130,449,67,40,873,297,618,0.147,0.762,0.092,-0.9879,3,1,0,0,1,1,60.0,4,12,0,6,18,33,3,4,34,0,46,8,1,7,3,105,94,55,1,19,16,4,6,2,2,7,5,4,2,7,22,44,0,2,14,2,5,11,12,23,1,0,23,12,70,9,86,60,9,74,0,10,2,2,42,36,2,14,28,324,92,12,0.07383800188417078,0.0874859581533228,0.07205523857912753,0.0,0.0,0.07215364087229212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764739015757584,0.0,0.11809644685967212,0.0,0.0800034441923077,0.0,0.05021237329420982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573147624238453,0.20708569309236655,0.0,0.13874646673713525,0.11355373140214887,0.06165164735788346,0.045010960609034915,0.0815482719238831,0.0,0.08319014296240568,0.0,0.0,0.08061197418269207,0.0,0.1859927571026394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528276396577256,0.07585196754875455,0.0781108154237957,0.0,0.1548354802975582,0.0,0.08281559768583605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0476194027498024,0.0,0.1907896884808568,0.1498880352694082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461613303435182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249173441389025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244234023886438,0.0,0.06636083499164655,0.0,0.0696078967625143,0.0,0.14933884934542485,0.052749883299582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365240858644097,0.1543092337333545,0.0,0.12589151420458627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661443464265967,0.0,0.07577909219721854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04949205622467973,0.0,0.0,0.0733377964112458,0.0,0.08519914049443238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706769025192617,0.07327282347944206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040579434804967736,0.12037565312486208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214703603813434,0.07400507582704527,0.0,0.0,0.062005325006729874,0.0,0.08060290142887619,0.0627744287299872,0.0,0.0,0.0492874396191652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058936788648316175,0.0,0.0,0.054749942799187976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748056208859297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048672774250482,0.05118997343500999,0.0,0.07714499635136579,0.0,0.13960155666383678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631267286806017,0.1484551721731162,0.0,0.0,0.07385798349612227,0.0,0.1892100589483827,0.0,0.07290611897769828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761568282160438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341592497747151,0.0,0.06107955817944385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0522629177757261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438302303667265,0.08452684657019997,0.0807667896686289,0.0,0.0695914429389724,0.23023786807088575,0.05551698816418104,0.059348188980695764,0.0,0.0,0.084440190200222,0.0,0.14716406248626204,0.0,0.0,0.1172382514223705,0.04305553268814186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05013115642561338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881802483327708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420626635178485,0.05860916901956801,0.0,0.0,0.06638923128140901,0.13689713499582398,0.0,0.08243749219661067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750988955606887,0.0,0.07524723207695007,0.15735719406823626,0.08073026377661525,0.0,0.09509850467884116 bpd,lonedarklingangel,2020/02/12,I dont want to die I dont want to die. I want to already be dead. To just pop out of existence. I'm so tired of fighting all the time. I'm a burden and always in the way,-3.5757142857142834,-2.1080123809523776,0.6257142857142881,103.04428571428572,101.38095238095238,3.752380952380953,14.142857142857142,5.46131890053228,-1.1981714285714284,128,3,37,1,6,48,27,42,0.35700000000000004,0.514,0.129,-0.8434,0,0,0,0,2,4,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,7,8,2,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,8,7,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,21,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26658784211026776,0.0,0.20101263438759406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5014406103540684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5662563209476711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408663450054957,0.27765890659160464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4274677112191744,0.1917537400685724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,incementiii,2020/02/12,"How did y’all get diagnosed? Feel free to share if you want to I’ve been seeing my psychiatrist for months now with weekly sessions and the diagnosis he gave me almost immediately was Generalized anxiety disorder and ptsd. But I knew it just wasn’t right so I did a little digging and boom. BPD, I read the symptoms and felt like this was it. I brought this up to him plus the fact that my medication at the time didn’t work at all (Zoloft 150mg & xaxax 2mg & Seroquel 150mg.) he said that I do exhibit many or the traits associated with borderline and that we’ll look into it as we continue. Is this a common experience? Anybody who would like to share how they got that diagnosis? Any negligence by medical professionals? Literally everything can be helpful, thank you all 💜",3.457890255439924,5.793136099337751,5.339607379375593,75.99081125827817,75.42384105960265,9.347398297067171,28.0042573320719,9.784248007369934,3.019364806054873,625,26,119,19,14,214,106,151,0.028999999999999998,0.835,0.135,0.9308,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,3,1,1,5,6,0,0,7,0,13,5,0,2,3,26,25,13,0,3,4,0,2,2,0,2,5,2,0,0,11,10,0,0,3,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,13,6,15,7,14,9,2,13,0,0,2,0,15,6,0,3,8,74,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17619483249022655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812971872631653,0.0,0.11965632790051273,0.0,0.13460609925043546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216108189170195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17859195572645914,0.0,0.0,0.20166118096400384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813819006296453,0.1721190392978304,0.0,0.0,0.08896879968638131,0.0,0.1689456558956916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192991218264268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407283389047812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793980884735003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192673508273698,0.17635445286718526,0.0,0.0,0.14775898874787266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17839208582727073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545149513463837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044665179606933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056835160161856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17600393113268273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026573147716946,0.16737474901773547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021440179852596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18288598360397704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199693424199618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260154219513118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378359337237762,0.0,0.1411415422553544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280982928440101,0.0,0.0,0.1249943176396637,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,abmbz,2020/02/12,Do you ever feel like someone is copying you and it makes you spiral into losing your identity again? I have a friend that I just recently started being friends with again. For the first time in a while i felt like I was really finding my true interests and some personality traits. I let someone back into my life that I was friends with years ago and have noticed them basically taking my entire style/mannerisms/interests. Most of my friends have noticed this as well. This has caused me to completely question myself all over again and I really don’t know how to go about the situation.,5.8264545454545456,7.491112690909091,6.185227272727275,75.20784090909092,67.54545454545455,9.5,31.931818181818183,9.827888789773867,3.2795454545454543,476,20,82,11,8,153,76,110,0.023,0.763,0.214,0.9641,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,4,1,2,9,10,0,0,4,0,11,1,0,3,3,22,18,7,0,0,1,0,2,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,3,2,18,9,12,13,3,17,0,1,0,0,11,4,0,3,14,67,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427666282173367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384229763987988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544911075578453,0.0,0.0,0.16886439044715607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568457853443278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143486788794023,0.11505860119946948,0.1546392355140769,0.0,0.14720247427429656,0.1369943449465155,0.0,0.0,0.4977265677989458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915319657043843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851229072125083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469090464500472,0.11375877657362216,0.157367875111512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18018072213048847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075062825651673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3667271652606211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062808573827176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804198343949152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063534870004404,0.0,0.15902359481660755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103394784759774,0.0,0.0,0.27292483804747025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399642686840952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210942394829676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391318151096067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448088907147879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371493015791536 bpd,Elizakean,2020/02/12,"My journey through coping with BPD, anxiety and traumas with filmmaking and writing Hello. My name is Eli, and I have suffered from anxiety and depression most of my life. What has helped me a lot is to CREATE. Through the years, I have been through difficult situations and I became aware of the fact that creation, and trying to put myself out there has strenghtened my ability to cope with my different traumas. I feel more myself when creating artistic content and have been doing so for many years now. Anxiety still has a hold on me, although it is way more managable through filmmaking, writing, editing and acting. These abilties in the cinema or literature can actually help me and maybe, hopefully, others, should I become more visible. I hope that others struggling, like I still do, can also find a sort of relief and help through any kind of creation. If you would like examples of my work (which is a therapy of its own), these two are, I think, the most accurate ones : Here is a link to the video clip 'Sign Me Out' by Lulu Rouge that I made in the span of two hours. First, to feel better and second to showcase in a video my emotions at the time. My acting is a lot related to the difficulties I summon so that I can perform. [https://youtu.be/ohbkophJpjw](https://youtu.be/ohbkophJpjw) And to finish this post with something very personal, this is an article I have written for a website ""Healing from BPD"", relating to how being myself allows me to be creative and the other way around. The post is entitled ""The Perks of Being a Borderline Resilient"" on this page : [http://elijuniper.com/essay/](http://elijuniper.com/essay/) I would love to hear from anyone else who can relate. Please, feel free to contact me if so. Pleasant day. Eli.",8.158458769072517,9.220019394136813,7.277702725870053,71.66405280301734,61.89902280130293,10.111366363792216,35.376135779187386,10.064110947511567,3.687446905537458,1402,59,225,28,19,431,168,307,0.077,0.765,0.158,0.9774,1,0,1,0,0,0,73.0,0,1,0,4,12,16,0,1,21,0,30,3,0,3,1,48,40,23,0,7,3,0,3,2,0,3,2,1,0,1,17,20,0,1,6,4,1,4,0,6,0,5,4,4,31,11,44,30,9,29,0,2,0,1,13,10,0,10,13,184,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.11514308623742107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435808994070292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802385467373299,0.0,0.2707904707258559,0.0,0.0,0.0825026887943087,0.12089665817955653,0.0,0.10503781802316142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031279740102458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043542582541724,0.0,0.0,0.29721336703489176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609502245105709,0.0,0.10162626149583694,0.0,0.0,0.1232764354518969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856710265239857,0.13272502048746432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789807689335566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784247058557314,0.10036386064921024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298546098110292,0.0,0.23726247571941325,0.0,0.0,0.2343851851207,0.11619826632871515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287041997125787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833411773611321,0.11528977706722372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006250094592159,0.1064923079053256,0.11164680070268784,0.0,0.11962527989428545,0.1185387354777986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995437368650925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302598699173596,0.0,0.12951968781600168,0.0,0.0,0.2260072727400625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861446182812214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262785351940065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083593894417527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884569877648524,0.0,0.0,0.12335076592373286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349340352464645,0.0,0.0,0.07560445334057364,0.0,0.0,0.06880203314939673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801087635169959,0.0,0.2305219075853168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735568507355202,0.0,0.18731297642746408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589951770776542,0.0,0.0,0.16763613882869025,0.0,0.0,0.15196584649790476 bpd,ThatAussieBitch,2020/02/12,My birthday dinner So i created and event on facebook and then like literally a couples later i canceled it and then recreated the evnt on the same damn day (for context i was looking at the guest list of 2 going and got upset as one is my fiancé and the other is my housemate) i was like thats it i don't matter then a friend messaged me about the event was like umm where is it i can't find it and i recreated it because i felt bad,0.1179178885630492,2.3223031182795744,2.6793157380254162,90.91170087976542,87.70967741935482,5.102248289345064,22.43304007820137,6.574015621080383,0.6170946236559138,342,13,73,4,11,118,58,93,0.135,0.758,0.106,-0.4037,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,1,7,0,8,1,0,0,0,10,12,11,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,7,6,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,1,1,5,2,12,4,7,7,1,12,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,10,54,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732318096168188,0.19948252393656996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620849397448744,0.0,0.21104278869746826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31420180828745675,0.0,0.2990915174122257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252824884828311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597808664027585,0.0,0.2617237970798864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4796189410987876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747992613907246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22174635669781556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DharmaLifeSciences,2020/02/12,Information about BPD via cartoon Here is information about BPD in a cartoon form. Press this link to see [Cartoon](https://imgur.com/N2FKMzJ),8.760000000000002,13.291597380952382,5.682857142857145,66.7871428571429,75.19047619047619,8.514285714285714,35.57142857142857,8.841846274778883,4.429685714285716,119,6,15,3,3,33,17,21,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9534283150424764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016197077036985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Dope_wildflower_girl,2020/02/12,"I don't know anymore Does anyone feel like BPD makes you look like a sad loser to others!? I don't know, I could really do with some input. I don't know if it's just me, but I feel like people befriend me because I'm a loser they feel sorry for. Like the sad lil ole pls don't leave me girl. It's hard to tell if people are in my life because they want to be or because they're scared of hurting me and pushing me over the edge. I can't lie I made a nice friend that ghosted me and I haven't taken it well. I feel like maybe I wasn't good enough and it's making me have intrusive thoughts of wanting to kms which I'm really struggling with because I feel like I should and that the jokes on me. I hate feeling like I wasn't intelligent enough, nice enough, or too darn nice. I don't know, and I hate it and I've tried to text her but I ended up blocking her because I didn't think I could handle the truth. I also found her to be childish for just ignoring my calls and text, and because she has bpd too, I didn't understand why she put me through this knowing how it would affect her had someone done this to her. It's been like almost 4 weeks and I'm still struggling to move on from this and try to form authentic friendship which I feel are all the same. Fml 😩🧠💔",1.5328260869565218,2.9095744565217423,3.0276811594202897,94.72891304347827,77.98550724637681,5.814492753623187,21.78260869565217,6.280692351149826,0.11857391304347865,994,27,234,7,23,326,135,276,0.22899999999999998,0.631,0.14,-0.9848,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,2,2,9,27,2,3,8,0,25,1,0,5,2,54,53,18,1,8,8,0,8,8,1,2,1,0,0,1,15,12,0,2,16,1,0,3,11,11,1,0,11,9,43,16,22,36,7,11,0,5,1,0,14,5,1,6,11,144,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003589857300699,0.0,0.0,0.07190420579207865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891705428607089,0.06286997031408542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32886449615646063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264871101233979,0.0,0.091812262919505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357805017671404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868436097338592,0.09201325544053827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963712992984609,0.27871564094557805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31824259531667465,0.32117295355957903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858607716958302,0.06946734541293753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754156103455896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054529706709848,0.17754295090214706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625481334810962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470719576017175,0.0,0.0,0.09520595996381984,0.0,0.0,0.06350892829321644,0.3514195703272104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755051276823995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507881559279319,0.1200366072165482,0.0,0.09033071393756226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556436902739347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467011437645267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903884200980088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520244154950705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001961524469412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618385363777562,0.0,0.0,0.10065137909783624,0.0,0.0,0.07180544900662413,0.0,0.0,0.18799530306652867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785888127570253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057613270629095124,0.0,0.07138168489518085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209142896586545,0.0,0.0,0.09360366123001154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606723198804273,0.0,0.07212359978630911,0.0,0.08084349826559366,0.0,0.08113341385053859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387233692470087,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MerryReign,2020/02/12,"Setting boundaries I believe my older sister has BPD. Our family has always known she is very mentally ill. She keeps any diagnosis a secret from us. The only thing she will say is she has clinical depression and ADHD. She claims to see her psychiatrist and take her meds. I have serious doubts. I started talking to my therapist about it this week because I am having a hard time being around her. My therapist is the one to suggest BPD seems to be a possibility. Granted, without seeing her she cannot make that diagnosis. She brings up the ways other family members have treated her every time I see her. These are accusations that I know just aren't true. Some of these accusations and complaining about these family members has been going on 3+ years. She wants me to side with her viewpoint and if I don't she claims she is just crazy then. It has become more toxic the older she gets. She is 60 years old and I don't ever remember a time it wasn't stressful to be around her. She lives and takes care of our Mom (who has some memory issues). I make it a point to get there 1x a week to visit my mom and allow my sister to have someone else to talk to. She monopolizes the whole night with her antics. I have told her numerous times to take the time that I am over to go visit friends or go shopping , catch a movie. She has some paranoia about even leaving any of the family home alone with mom. She thinks we will snoop in her room. I suggested putting a lock on her door if that is what she is concerned about and she will make another excuse. She has always considered herself the outsider of our family. In my opinion all of us have gone out of our way to include her. She will never believe us. We are all out to get her. It is exhausting.",2.9361942942383017,4.999741375722547,4.2802442662688795,84.25484523587545,75.99421965317919,7.470296475853067,24.456088010441928,8.360895534625662,1.6083642737273918,1380,46,271,26,31,455,171,346,0.091,0.868,0.040999999999999995,-0.9218,0,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,9,0,0,0,11,10,0,2,16,0,39,3,0,4,5,45,64,12,0,3,6,5,1,0,1,4,3,1,3,0,17,17,0,1,6,1,2,9,7,6,0,1,4,5,63,4,40,53,7,42,0,1,3,0,62,13,0,9,17,201,80,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958990854378656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582511551916472,0.0,0.0,0.1379037957972628,0.0,0.0,0.11270466524315664,0.08689316839766338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753821697351888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05051489219589597,0.09151997889531134,0.0,0.1867252352158676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20873591558877735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448832583183613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713731382704187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692246604664522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054732804937045874,0.07495785393207267,0.06981893602429927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3905976848043167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640227602373976,0.0,0.12988360281696146,0.0,0.141285504294398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742324643575113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312225577087175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864915125601943,0.0,0.07365590690980789,0.0,0.0,0.04554148027073813,0.0,0.0,0.08774408049857227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731729895863483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659428947051245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204644325223596,0.0,0.08351034320702312,0.0,0.0,0.2911581300468205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391206072194605,0.0,0.0,0.07776497070466996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695487028546263,0.0,0.0561527550502851,0.06302401045097847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833600405139389,0.09341997710257184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330412100494974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387204208829772,0.0,0.0,0.06589908373797472,0.0,0.0,0.19810256792408992,0.0754389121508252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021285420392527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05865361728702696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949237522782294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18691678432596126,0.1332105481783357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924297122979624,0.055053085226471316,0.05309776255379848,0.0,0.0,0.24160177462884355,0.0,0.0,0.07918287272010964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990360273673973,0.0,0.0,0.06837386980382637,0.04887704375522455,0.13155177381929706,0.13294165507919126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251793285157997,0.0,0.07988073306245179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672713149957301 bpd,Livid-Trash,2020/02/12,"Feeling like I'm not allowed to exist I don't know if anyone else struggles with this or has these thoughts. I often feel like a sore thumb. Something that sticks out but not in a good way. Sometimes I feel like a giant-- tall, large frame, and fat. I'm not any of those. Despite knowing that logically, I can't help this overwhelming feeling. I feel like I take up so much space and that I shouldn't be allowed to. Or like I'm a waste of a person or space. Kind of like I'm not allowed to exist. I've felt like this for many, many years. It's gotten better, but there are times when it's all just too much. How do I learn to accept that I do exist and therefore I'm allowed to?",1.0155654761904778,2.9229408541666686,2.4339285714285737,95.93250000000002,81.43055555555556,4.669841269841268,21.3968253968254,5.288315135182226,-0.17036746031745986,529,16,120,2,14,171,80,144,0.09,0.705,0.205,0.9413,4,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,7,13,0,2,5,0,8,2,1,6,1,37,24,12,0,2,11,0,6,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,11,5,1,0,12,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,6,9,11,13,19,3,11,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,5,10,69,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985314244429076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267076201147607,0.1504502726072641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298640246842154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266217848748764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37122208177607535,0.4195971044961749,0.14098506062732294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231586104313382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842070820089407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290652742931415,0.1613938484901889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5021546937212743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977362028334195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21588190439237456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821105282759754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304110454724647,0.14522401642930272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15350429564378634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040198587616293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657094707120196,0.08562093277952282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655114703226525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455721678694663 bpd,sociallyinvalid,2020/02/12,"just feel so horribly empty For the last few months I have been doing good resisting SH and other self-destructive behaviors. Not for myself, no, but because I don’t want to be anymore of a burden or source of drama. Its not like I like pain, I hate it, but it’s comforting. Psychical or mental, it just feels right in a way nothing else does. I’m trying to fill up the emptiness with positive things, but it’s not working. I don’t know what to do.",1.7926984126984138,3.952406780219782,3.6544322344322353,86.87112332112333,80.09890109890111,7.121367521367523,23.2979242979243,8.167268648758528,1.463050305250305,351,12,71,7,9,118,66,91,0.214,0.624,0.162,-0.7547,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,1,0,4,0,7,1,0,0,0,16,13,7,0,1,10,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,6,3,0,0,1,2,6,4,10,11,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,4,49,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529269008849899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15546740578124288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231834743924551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21304961588497756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579074427199486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21391185913105829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517949700934397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016096017135588,0.2078881483234616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491951377150376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25701601745379804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035670759355425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447136485829901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27137598398814816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177991086219607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26605787380424617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943439782513334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731525106962365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042667349289945,0.20243548102898395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856690392623498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yovngblxxd,2020/02/12,"DAE split more on women than men? (or vice versa) I split on my mom a lot and have split on former female friends but I tend to not split on my dad or my boyfriend. I do get mad but I get reasonably mad whereas I absolutely lose my ish when I get mad at my mom or female friends. Can anyone relate or even have an explanation?",0.7003105590062121,2.6718263188405835,2.790517598343687,92.6126086956522,82.91304347826087,5.681987577639752,20.002070393374744,6.868970318607317,0.1815200828157355,252,7,58,3,7,85,42,69,0.217,0.705,0.078,-0.9193,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,3,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,10,8,8,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,11,2,7,8,2,7,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,5,2,36,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18498438562107167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747373844777905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40879211959990425,0.0,0.4146602950258553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959715798836638,0.0,0.2249168763915176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6196918547885378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720086284450111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,misfrightning,2020/02/12,"Is my life over? I (21F) have lived the past few years in disassociation and left a trail of disaster behind me. I was addicted to weed for three years and had severe depression and anxiety. I also had undiagnosed BPD and manic tendencies. I made a lot of friends in these years and lost almost all of them because of my behavior. I wasn't a good friend, I would go crazy at parties, and I would ghost people all the time. I started going to therapy three months ago after getting out of a bad relationship where I was abusive and was also being used by a narcissist. I have started realizing all the bad things I have done and all the bridges Ive burned. I love the city I live in but everywhere I go there is someone I know who has a story about me. In the culture we live in now, Im afraid I wont ever be able to escape my past and Ill be cancelled (lol yikes,) forever. What can I do to feel hope or overcome my past? Will people ever forgive me and what can I do to show people I want to be better?",3.806851595006936,4.509009407766988,5.500027739251041,81.8378640776699,71.4271844660194,8.604160887656034,27.821081830790572,8.841846274778883,1.996927600554785,782,27,164,14,14,268,120,206,0.14800000000000002,0.753,0.099,-0.7233,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,1,2,8,12,0,1,12,1,26,4,0,2,6,32,40,14,1,4,2,0,1,0,2,4,3,0,0,0,5,12,0,0,4,1,0,3,2,5,0,2,9,1,29,7,24,23,6,28,0,2,0,1,9,10,0,4,15,122,34,0,0.12156603705243298,0.144035875281647,0.0,0.1325249242081628,0.0,0.0,0.10776095697202694,0.0,0.12173082593034155,0.0,0.0,0.19443263182046236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299768560423556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20300512624404315,0.07410552785200125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751528081366228,0.0,0.0,0.15310816804666808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470464958080146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440426273120195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219926880601786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06146744098442875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18784323733823285,0.0,0.06351323690674983,0.0,0.2072663410419627,0.10196382421801853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207425045149353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313121808533216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680951473749236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208185495489227,0.0,0.08586568710496376,0.0,0.0,0.32203511373102833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270368985617095,0.10335109745935453,0.109718094694792,0.11502872360281972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703285096760683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34814561355107804,0.25283575050183804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051642897497506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733501947251606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030025086978254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17209013344534185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902135795463982,0.0,0.08076307328871865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088613381344715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499402444353888,0.0,0.0,0.07170279832093845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271404964410322,0.0,0.0,0.23485362648804295 bpd,thisdoesntmatter76,2020/02/12,"argh I'm a person who's recently been diagnosed with BPD, after several years of being somewhat functional and in and out of therapy. I have a more quiet BPD. I dream so hard about being in a relationship again. The feeling of having another person you can be so close and honest with, everything is just butterflies for a while. I just want to feel my ex's arms around me. He knows it since I frequently tell him. He is understanding and caring even though he has specified that we will NEVER be close again and it makes me feel so shit. I beg him to be with me, he won't come. We just chat. We live in the same city, close to each other. At the same time \*the guy I cheated with 0:)\* is on another part of the world, playing and being flirty with me. I'm so in love with him but afraid to buy the tickets and fuck off as I feel I would just end up ruining that relationship as well. I've been walking around crushing hearts for so many years now and it makes me hate myself from the fact that I'm not even CAPABLE to have a proper relationship with neither my friends nor a boyfriend. I feel so stupid and lonely. It makes me self-destructive, why am I even alive when I can see that I'm the bad guy in this. I'm the kind of person adults warn you against when you're young. How do I even deal with this? it's crushing me.....",3.6970676691729314,4.5394403956043945,4.6664314632735735,87.1983053788317,71.7838827838828,8.38473105841527,25.35743204164257,8.6894789155246,1.4855318681318677,1040,30,229,18,19,339,145,273,0.168,0.763,0.069,-0.9875,0,2,0,0,0,0,35.0,3,2,0,0,25,17,6,1,15,0,22,6,3,4,2,52,44,24,0,2,6,1,6,0,1,3,1,1,0,6,13,28,0,0,7,4,1,2,5,10,1,0,2,8,30,7,38,33,7,33,0,2,1,2,28,16,2,1,15,161,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22973530296421316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19503683431183652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146563273926472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759365879480907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168859123128703,0.0,0.0,0.09436345538734428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293624965512025,0.0,0.11118603130244324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970244968680464,0.0,0.0,0.28941417964525595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845212612701977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769466213254878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463431873281324,0.10127273505969972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21693386176022986,0.0,0.0,0.09813094633002012,0.10815316611060584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981154181749002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140744266816155,0.0602031549796618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967303830750231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886878365959673,0.0,0.21936673442135324,0.11106159825742064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448798049248192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186267329793148,0.0,0.0,0.2869518245841202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816262968854136,0.35283151652183525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729330951111003,0.0,0.11427949259632544,0.12375484979834606,0.11244653234154273,0.09061688820555397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574729807471133,0.0,0.12527443720122375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762756332487212,0.0,0.06387666362565446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404037468262995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461257347478402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849425451647699,0.0,0.0988474680713636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781773852679855,0.0,0.0,0.14108698268053455 bpd,atlastihaveREDDIT,2020/02/12,"Awareness of Symptoms and Advice re: Them May not be correct flair. If so, I apologize. In any case, if you are living with BPD and reading this, when you exhibit symptoms (i.e., manic emotional attachment, loss of sense of self, lashing out, splitting, and et cetera), do you catch these before they go to far? If so, how? And what do you do? Ty",2.3427032967032986,4.894114523076921,3.2806593406593407,88.08076923076923,80.69230769230771,6.175824175824177,26.20879120879121,7.447530270364453,1.5478791208791207,264,11,50,4,7,84,51,65,0.033,0.8420000000000001,0.126,0.6711,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,4,2,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,1,13,7,11,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,7,5,1,6,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,4,1,36,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763263185137801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19229799201382808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24062231837725145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561476123662685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180859570311667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16070863152445236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496971875431379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28285342812371184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949979829298066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5878269546055153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway2837380,2020/02/12,"How can I learn to trust others and enjoy life again? I (F 19) was raped on Sunday and the person who I loved most in life, who I thought was my best friend, who was the first best friend I had in years, who was the person who made me believe that maybe the world could be a good place even after having been sexually abused throughout my teenage years and who I was in love with betrayed me. I found this out within 36 hours of being raped. I feel empty and violated and angry and hurt and utterly hopeless. I feel utterly directionless at this point. It is so difficult for me to find people I connect with and at this point all I can do is lay in bed and shake and cry and hyperventilate. I haven't attended my university classes since Monday, before I processed all of this. I feel like my life is falling apart and I don't know what's real anymore. I have tried everything to meet new people and I am just... so tired.",4.118033264033265,5.130966183783784,5.012972972972975,84.46860706860708,70.94594594594594,7.854469854469856,25.582120582120577,8.139509932561175,1.3712494802494803,724,21,150,10,13,236,109,185,0.205,0.637,0.158,-0.851,0,0,0,0,1,1,18.0,0,0,0,3,6,17,3,1,5,0,21,8,0,2,2,32,30,16,0,1,1,0,3,1,2,0,4,0,1,2,14,16,0,0,8,0,0,3,2,7,0,1,10,3,24,10,18,17,5,26,0,2,0,4,13,14,0,1,10,107,38,2,0.0,0.16845781793551698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100248634871893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098310452507745,0.160186048744307,0.2984143214132461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351765622668575,0.0,0.15617598389730672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939073044885712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778052266947815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215668581776649,0.10157207424564567,0.0,0.0,0.12994822195179387,0.12093663256011515,0.0,0.15589096527080812,0.21969291896248966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192522578318838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001680433791486,0.0,0.15220461342616318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813737409517993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30127382341972303,0.0694610456240263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566426007990825,0.13453237077324018,0.0,0.0,0.14283702723159467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731651008533718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19713680702738792,0.2482888930809741,0.14854586980940454,0.0,0.26880855067937764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618298223871997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761120651318803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287354239508862,0.0,0.16341282872089974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652960772565024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18311609000214946 bpd,chazz0418,2020/02/12,"Seeking advice on being a friend to someone with BPD Hello I'm looking for some advice. A little backstory first. I'm a 28yr old male and about 7 months ago I reconnected with an old friend from high school (F28), she lives in another state now, we did meet once in September but we talk a lot. In the 10 years we didn't talk she has been diagnosed with BPD. I read some articles and looked up symptoms and shit like that, but I've been reading on here and it's become clear I didn't understand the scope of it all. Infact I'm pretty sure i have helped trigger negative feelings and mood swings. I care for her more then just friends, that's a pretty complicated situation regardless of BPD so I wont go much into that. But over the last 7 months we've grown to be very close friends, I would say bestfriends. She was always very loyal to me, and a great friend before, probably the bestfriend I've had in my life. I just want to be the best friend that I can be for her, she deserves it. I feel like shit because I know I've made it worse at times. Currently she has gone into what she called ghost mode, took down her Facebook and we haven't really talked in a while. I'm looking for advice on how to be a good friend to her, be supportive and understanding but not dismissive. Also I have texted her a couple times since ""ghost mode"" just to say goodmorning have a nice day, stuff to say I care. Should I not do that? I was very depressed for years and I wouldnt say I'm out of the woods yet, but things for me are looking up and I know little stuff like that would mean a lot to me. But I don't know, I'm worried I could be making it worse. Absolutely any advice is greatly appreciated, thank you for your time lovely human beings.",3.039564164648908,4.51465623728814,4.040714285714287,88.61097457627119,74.19774011299435,7.317029862792575,23.377320419693298,7.957251820313856,1.0086032284100075,1364,38,294,20,28,441,179,354,0.084,0.662,0.255,0.9971,1,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,4,2,0,2,10,26,2,0,18,0,33,6,2,4,3,58,62,21,2,7,11,0,2,3,7,5,3,4,0,2,15,21,0,0,8,2,0,4,9,3,0,1,11,10,40,22,40,37,8,43,0,1,4,1,38,20,2,4,21,185,55,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842157558542066,0.06445535787977086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05814826269010767,0.060502731746164176,0.0,0.0,0.04944708075891329,0.0762455308462575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04432494340051167,0.0803053853667389,0.06187309126109498,0.0,0.07630741753114921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747370302676275,0.0,0.07424772339262455,0.0,0.14827074146678587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05805511712590794,0.08045514034839718,0.0,0.046893629975706,0.0,0.06262728032527062,0.07380178727397378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735313794147819,0.05194591628351609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061849324602597636,0.0,0.0,0.3932431745085289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04132426240349196,0.06098790290502384,0.0,0.1603318590981538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048737742124382234,0.07682488414320571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988287696712065,0.05927049700076975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051359079832406604,0.1065711521916422,0.14575431197200078,0.06420658306630267,0.0,0.2442411789720354,0.0,0.0,0.12363535293657428,0.06562598605425495,0.06880244714416935,0.04853624410399972,0.0,0.0,0.07920536880452121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607705259772487,0.0,0.05345214832288979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259934392634816,0.07743657620111673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794976756287784,0.07839651165932382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546461101229707,0.0,0.046581571689513664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23129600241479836,0.0,0.07358906191943124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492769363624941,0.060148637634022666,0.0817320409020329,0.0,0.0,0.0616091741126236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647712643110285,0.0,0.08251342906580769,0.06853079178254018,0.07557626211342555,0.0,0.1753309692948995,0.0,0.06694401901435944,0.0,0.0,0.048307039382044635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271979551419101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078640563722632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139282110138194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998660062713828,0.042887792170932776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738432037319737,0.1482007607803193,0.1033059300277462,0.0,0.0,0.0936490974715349 bpd,Duzelmites,2020/02/12,"Recently looked up symptoms of BPD. A lot of them describe me well; mainly the indecisiveness and anxiety Hey guys, so I’ve had troubling describing and articulating exactly what my mental troubles are and BPD seems pretty close to summing up what’s going on with me mentally. A big problem I have is that I seem to be under a perpetual existential crisis because every other day my life goals and plans for the immediate future change radically, and this is making me upset and perform inconsistently at work. I’m currently an accountant and studying for the CPA. Half of the days I feel grateful and eager to study and move up in this field. Then another day, a thought will creep in my head telling me my dream is in entertainment and I should pack up my bags and move to LA without money, a job, or saying a word to anyone. Then other days my head is convinced I should be a beach bum and just move to a coastal town, work at a surf shop, and spend my days just relaxing. These ideas are at a constant stalemate, and a lot of days this makes me so unmotivated that I don’t study but just end up watching YouTube videos until I fall asleep. This is also true with my sexuality. It’s this weird cyclical thing where some months I’m certain I’m a straight man and try to project this hyper masculine persona and my whole worldview is shaped around this persona; to the point I’m convinced I need to go on steroids because I want to project an ultra masculine identity. Then other times I go through a recurring phase of being bi-sexual and open to sexually deviant kinks in the realm of femdom and BDSM and fetishize my perceived inadequacies. This continues until I reach a level of perversion that makes me feel deep shame and I circle back to trying to project this ultra masculine personality. I can never seem to agree on who I really am. I’m also really emotionally unstable and sensitive imo. One negative comment can throw me into a spiral of negativity that ruins my day and makes me feel suicidal. The most normal I’ve ever felt is when I’ve been on a cocktail of SSRIs, adderall, and benzos. I’m not sure where to turn to tackle these issues but I guess right now I’m just looking for people who can relate to these issues and maybe point me in the right direction. Thanks to anybody who reads the whole thing",7.2022972972972985,7.191539608108113,7.70757117117117,71.43562702702704,63.95495495495496,10.617513513513517,34.877117117117116,10.264317810270406,3.554359387387388,1862,76,334,39,25,616,234,444,0.125,0.8009999999999999,0.073,-0.9809,2,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,1,5,16,18,0,3,27,0,23,5,3,4,6,72,52,37,1,6,9,0,4,0,0,3,2,1,0,3,27,30,1,0,10,8,4,8,6,8,1,2,4,8,36,10,56,42,7,68,0,1,3,0,11,34,0,10,26,227,63,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390788285266081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911819082798742,0.06652180268518948,0.0,0.0,0.060802297476658176,0.0,0.0,0.07741009112643504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686450083041824,0.0,0.10601625770842024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190383831192335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198888699258008,0.0,0.0,0.09396953412452094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925601191214664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097814826355466,0.07701801734582575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865750884823589,0.0732649521033837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319040883919632,0.0,0.08349227597111841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825885776072126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957928465210924,0.08610101813085938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848576565766194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816377366796206,0.0,0.181520856257862,0.08629132140162375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06142024135237693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604381746716902,0.0,0.0,0.14785532065275062,0.0,0.0,0.23217766649507,0.0,0.08735990986908536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752642375721763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940818068868755,0.2772643202189133,0.0,0.0644774513449829,0.06706653429940926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519931492315641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058924256705950924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06028497661838245,0.07592742491721036,0.0,0.0,0.16440478505139022,0.0,0.0,0.08846644509006789,0.0,0.0832060247698595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698044771985412,0.0,0.1114136540249192,0.0,0.08585946393364624,0.0,0.0,0.14852146218236978,0.0,0.06915162975327001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374869312046516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511675236356087,0.0,0.08195586418386717,0.09038153087369256,0.0,0.0,0.07600417731578746,0.08005824517061637,0.0,0.0,0.11554062212741667,0.0,0.0,0.06903407807732796,0.050705276975616526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807607584744922,0.09458415423946624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05128944199944868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818471053893693,0.0,0.0,0.1941685824807184,0.0,0.0838233639046986,0.0,0.12661134091739593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ornery-Vegetable,2020/02/12,I accidentally came across this thread I was looking into if it was normal to be hypersexual after a breakup and found this thread.. It feels like everything I do and feel makes sense now but I don’t want to walk into my therapist’s office like “I THINK I HAVE BPD” because my mom has been genuinely questioning if I’m a hypochondriac now. All of the things “wrong” with me actually are diagnosed though so I know I’m not crazy but 🤔 hm.. Sometimes I do things and then look back like “wtf was I doing?”,2.2216000000000022,4.524677960000002,3.8859999999999992,85.01300000000002,79.4,7.6,23.0,8.548686976883017,1.5432000000000006,396,13,82,9,10,132,70,100,0.127,0.7509999999999999,0.12300000000000001,-0.3391,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,1,12,1,0,1,1,22,24,10,0,4,5,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,6,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,6,4,12,3,8,17,1,10,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,3,8,56,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.19250764397081302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168891067036486,0.0,0.12025432363523372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484554084582309,0.0,0.0,0.22562500704881344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20022550128288866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772940905906365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199491880172108,0.14093015239393608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21629702509885104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084147598705534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28912934439721244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331315231649175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316796539091285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310409364951881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19328329846254705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209882137545171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19510566252563533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22904636527754596,0.2621156352177685,0.12640303175723766,0.1938173578653924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163553079610804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21568442743704044,0.0,0.0 bpd,queerfart,2020/02/12,Please What is wrong with me? I feel so disconnected from everything and everyone. I feel stuck in this void inside my head. I feel so much pain in my chest. My body feels so heavy. I don't feel real. I don't feel normal. I don't feel worth anything. I feel empty and lost.,-0.8280701754385973,1.2932844385964906,1.1642105263157916,97.99614035087721,99.35087719298248,4.63859649122807,13.350877192982454,6.42735559955562,-0.6985228070175439,211,4,49,3,9,69,35,57,0.255,0.705,0.040999999999999995,-0.8791,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,3,0,0,13,14,5,0,1,0,0,8,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,8,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,2,8,11,0,4,12,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,27,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539636942699121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20782097593959464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17877781373148435,0.1681494143768036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7568090445004158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19201400911504632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20423689174560328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753675512650765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833139127030255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19908285408172996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053747277516359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21295569383055568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20455961077390772,0.0,0.0 bpd,pleinedecollagene,2020/02/12,"DAE obsessively reread past texts with people to understand why they like you/if you said anything bad? I've been rereading texts over and over again for like 3 hours because a guy said he cant come with me to an event due to work. In my head I'm thinking I've done something wrong. I haven't, he just has to work. Doesn't stop my head going wild and trying to remember better times when he agreed to things",3.7932142857142854,4.83524236904762,3.917619047619048,91.91071428571428,71.73809523809524,7.028571428571429,23.523809523809533,7.1686216300943375,0.5892523809523809,325,8,72,3,6,100,62,84,0.09300000000000001,0.768,0.138,0.4382,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,3,3,6,0,1,2,0,6,2,2,0,0,10,13,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,5,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,4,2,6,3,12,9,0,13,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,10,32,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073635216198415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630887438091043,0.1190686922079448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727496483719735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825573649589942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19988593695845006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100805784187262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934030845497335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4009208993783147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19235640198626847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19085247485288692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18646041712410952,0.13541419931043686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22126586439099324,0.0,0.37159880995289213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503712141187772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633009743008416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976567057706254,0.12515677796423005,0.0,0.0,0.11389594667891692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261328249172147,0.0,0.0,0.2033408712486344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625100175520667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843987725579042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355791565920326,0.0,0.0 bpd,soupapres,2020/02/12,"Should I contact his therapist? My husband is currently trying to convince me he no longer has BPD and he's ""just a sensitive dude"". He says he's been cured. It's only been 4 months of active treatment so I know this isn't the real case. I get the impression from the screen shots he sends me, of the convos between him and his therapist,that he thinks I'm abusing him. So she's been counseling him as if he's an abuse victim. This is is 3rd therapist in the past year because he quits each one when they start wanting him to do real BPD treatments so I don't want him to quit another one, especially when he's willing to go to her, but she doesn't know the real story. It took 11 years for us to get him the right diagnosis and treatment started. My support group thinks I should send her an explanation email since he won't sign a HIPPA form so I can be in on his treatment strategy and she doesn't know his whole history. I think this may be crossing a line but they are the ones with all the years of experience and it may just be my fear stopping me. Would this be a smart thing to do?",3.160908381051538,4.374275429203543,4.42302446642374,87.02996616345655,73.46902654867256,7.7955231650182215,26.568453930244665,8.313332769828598,1.576891514836024,861,30,186,14,17,284,123,226,0.07200000000000001,0.873,0.055,-0.39399999999999996,1,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,1,0,2,2,8,6,1,1,15,0,26,0,0,0,1,31,42,15,0,6,5,1,0,0,0,7,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,1,6,0,0,5,6,2,0,3,4,2,31,4,18,27,4,20,0,0,1,0,35,4,0,3,11,122,39,0,0.0,0.2744407428747426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144082874932315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059899512902658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917267611055548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132880833714106,0.0,0.1303226817922251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101582251632935,0.0,0.06581963058075935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19094464646192288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924414408935708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354352097735593,0.08808158571507034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055734161681602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463643860156851,0.0,0.3954642522933951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890432101468367,0.0,0.09209975295567537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580234174180426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639471554284749,0.0,0.0,0.09682549186897974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142408607404993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034061164137522,0.07694151816990917,0.2226263493957758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867335230501994,0.07862994302756414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930969740991572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661991638484236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293019307139482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227077454930518,0.0,0.0,0.22374079927717316 bpd,MunchaBunchaFritos,2020/02/12,"I’m so sad right now My mom lives about an hour and a half away and she is my fp. She just called me to say she’s in my town, like 10 minutes from my house. *Gets super excited* mom time! She tells me she’s just passing through and can’t come see me. *crushed* now I’m crying in my room. I wish she hadn’t told me she was here. I know it’s not her fault she can’t stop because she’s with her friend who is very anal about time and wants to get where they are going but I can’t help but be sad knowing my mom is so close but not here for me.",-1.0227876923076913,0.5961853920000024,0.8095999999999997,106.38418461538464,87.08,4.166153846153846,15.215384615384615,4.713530739802397,-1.4469076923076925,414,7,117,1,13,134,75,125,0.083,0.8079999999999999,0.109,0.2926,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,11,7,0,0,2,0,10,1,1,0,0,20,22,9,0,2,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,7,0,2,2,0,0,3,6,3,0,1,3,2,26,4,11,18,0,17,0,2,1,0,22,8,0,0,7,70,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16696804948937755,0.0,0.0,0.10833273776653636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814657511319613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15308478023503044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19521036318922813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730131045298585,0.0,0.18569634514348893,0.0,0.10099889901498113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911787431256653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750123837565963,0.2050579685532184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953338124740407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682202990112588,0.0,0.15692462059921786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6244090797746944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517666909122307,0.0,0.14132521811500645,0.0,0.0,0.14161496150859493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485767694085125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15532977277802132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20725279660735574,0.0,0.0,0.16981323750475275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466325708232038,0.10482025663648648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043622028695368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,screechyscreech6,2020/02/12,my head is against me its actually attacking me fucking up memories in scsry ways what the fuck,7.98,8.034812555555561,9.130000000000004,61.665000000000006,62.33333333333333,13.866666666666667,45.77777777777778,13.023866798666859,6.600711111111113,78,5,13,3,1,27,17,18,0.289,0.711,0.0,-0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.3599859726016944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4196685973563087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.68207054480135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37859024195072616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928097821745045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,imsorryguya,2020/02/12,"I shouldn't leave my boyfriend but I feel like I need to I don't know if this is from my bpd for sure, but sometimes I wish I wasn't with my boyfriend. I don't know why. I guess sometimes we just don't feel close. But then other times I'm crazy mad inlove with him. My new meds make me apathetic so it's felt more like we should break up because I think he's getting sick of me. I wish my brain would just shut up. We've been together two and a half years and I know he's crazy about me too but sometimes it doesn't feel that way anymore. Ugh.",-0.5651829988193597,1.428243561983475,0.7509622195985841,105.07241735537191,88.58677685950414,4.118299881936245,16.90731995277449,5.288315135182226,-1.0649556080283356,425,10,112,2,14,133,73,121,0.171,0.688,0.141,-0.7028,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,1,0,10,2,1,1,1,31,25,9,0,7,7,0,4,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,8,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,3,4,22,3,9,19,1,10,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,6,62,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434791332365528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010202696533557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20871625734986268,0.18499630481598026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513762863500485,0.11838910707533715,0.1591154491752047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658091379756712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825572680189914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732231477118771,0.0,0.0,0.17547163395058496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192307243937698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061817773896013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18407554908587198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287793706783452,0.0,0.16005165924236814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4916985778994854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561874315974934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618552387231192,0.0,0.0,0.09663160846542576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188259050512313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131539384594414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953488943080054,0.0,0.3811354769843448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177214465216119,0.0,0.0,0.10671708019889586 bpd,confederateslave,2020/02/12,"[Venting] Envious of people's close relationships I have a mental breakdown every two weeks or so it seems, but the past week has been incredibly stressful. Not only did I relapse (alcohol) I broadcasted and failed 2 suicide attempts. Part of me thinks I should do it especially since others have been expecting me to, like a challenge or dare. I have to live in great shame as to not actually being about it in the end. Obviously, I also have many personal reasons as to why I'd like to never wake up again and deal with the clusterfuck that is my mind, life and room. Tonight I was 'triggered' by so much envy because my boyfriend went out to dinner with a group of people from the AA meetings I sometimes frequented too, all of them who know of my failed attempt and breakdown. Including my ex-sponsor who told me to not contact her in a suicidal state and that she 'wasn't going to baby me.' I've never been able to form close friendships aside my boyfriend and even he can be aloof and emotionally insufficient. I can just picture them gleefully joking around - that's been a trigger of mine since middle school: the laughing hyena crowd. It also doesn't help he has a nearby loving family and I grew up far away in a very dysfunctional ""family unit."" I know it isn't his fault, but I'm in a hypersensitive state and I experience these bouts of resentment. Thursday's the day I'll have access to a surefire method. I just need enough suifuel to feel impulsive enough to go through with it in the heat of the moment. Can't stand the loneliness, rejection, mood swings, blah. Doesn't help living in LA: cesspool of self-obsessed, fast-paced, ditzy wannabe-influencers and professional narcissists. Glad there's at least online outreach for people like you and me. Sharing certain things with healthy neurotypical people onl gets me a wide stare. I'm not innately bad, I'm actually very empathetic of people I 'idealize' and even people I feel pity for. It's when they show signs of being condescending or unsavory that I mentally move them from 'DEFAULT - GOOD PERSON' to 'TRASH - DANGEROUS TERRITORY.'",6.413213719270424,7.660537621134022,6.713505154639176,73.50972640761302,65.82989690721651,10.092942109436956,33.47977795400476,10.214889679676881,3.569287946074544,1679,72,291,40,26,542,228,388,0.14400000000000002,0.6970000000000001,0.16,0.6083,0,0,2,0,0,1,46.0,0,1,4,6,14,25,3,2,19,0,26,5,1,3,5,51,42,24,2,4,11,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,1,2,16,20,2,0,7,2,0,5,11,11,1,1,9,3,36,13,50,29,7,40,0,4,1,1,25,19,0,4,16,190,52,5,0.1007640826221794,0.0,0.19666241849116345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768616000877816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116200093579305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970139675983513,0.0,0.0,0.09467117257430348,0.0,0.08413380007097686,0.061424849508079166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649844972867363,0.10388334464744664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334603047521445,0.0892470688389944,0.20823246657170205,0.0,0.13310745248650588,0.0,0.08489808552843381,0.0,0.0,0.09856660791601793,0.18998281864498195,0.0,0.10189869559139264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05264507428594925,0.0,0.11453310052675965,0.08451613178396497,0.0,0.11109275681941384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508008113188888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110754609201463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117265150399678,0.14768472293635587,0.0,0.17795306207791334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094351865896297,0.0,0.0,0.10215896423074478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030929906359846,0.0,0.10174299883735707,0.0,0.0,0.10709627316624888,0.07407319479124548,0.07471529048729117,0.15543094485375145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663562543763035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091176820916514,0.09619071855647608,0.41914276505401743,0.17596662058767254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360225916986256,0.0,0.10818291483100533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197863115127187,0.0,0.09173183638495644,0.10511891400478404,0.0,0.0,0.1667061808247308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965825424425652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154249161974087,0.0,0.0,0.2204391034325265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694317909018903,0.0645655554689627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628439909538747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843186712801337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662818420634478,0.0,0.0,0.16165373816748874,0.0,0.0,0.09340931410290536,0.09092391171605893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AttackonTitanFanGirl,2020/02/12,"I had a break through So, BPD is a personality disorder, and modern science has confirmed that it’s partially genetic. And for me, if I smoke weed, the guilt is gone. And I feel like a new person, who is good. Who is kind. I need to be medicated but science doesn’t /hasn’t figured it out. But they also don’t know how to cure cancer. We haven’t evolved enough for people to be trying to cure mental illness.,we are still at physical cures. The brain is so easy to hide. That’s the breakthrough. Genetics are a big part in why we are how we are. Nurture just irritates it. This realization helped me stop hating myself. We have a mental illness that wasn’t even TALKED about til last year. People like us used to be institutionalized, less than 60 years before Also, Less than 200 years ago, doctors would drain sick people of their blood. Our version of that today is the brain. Current medication hasn’t quite figured out the cure. We are just now finding medications for outward pain. Inward is next in evolution I realized this from therapy twice a week and cbd. the self hatred comes from the subconscious fear of not being able to change, of being stuck in this hell. We can change. We can stop cycling in self destructive circles. Also if u disagree be gentle.... still have BPD haha",3.13934426229508,5.747417393442628,4.030334426229511,83.55073114754101,77.93442622950819,6.690885245901638,24.92393442622951,7.839951260653429,1.5656834754098368,1020,37,187,17,25,327,147,244,0.22899999999999998,0.696,0.07400000000000001,-0.9938,1,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,9,0,2,1,14,12,3,2,13,1,31,11,3,3,0,34,39,16,0,4,7,0,1,2,0,1,8,0,0,4,12,14,0,2,6,0,0,2,7,6,0,1,4,1,19,6,28,28,5,29,1,0,0,0,19,9,1,2,19,130,31,1,0.10897837787072596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660275660333834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26144990823124825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273257293118838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27450890391841504,0.2433118220343805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23056934753999084,0.09387522293059278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489866248373492,0.11154398755994993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126037960971288,0.0,0.07197919078405438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263097289709328,0.05510274228531792,0.07785417492575612,0.0,0.0,0.09960426306406413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140589291384747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759358628408418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304590952113267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348421050775173,0.05989166644695326,0.08883192311497891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648266143429086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293527517937623,0.2196491458113315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080608633113129,0.0,0.10525199643480254,0.11589974119825855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596067760139026,0.0,0.0,0.11801296336859893,0.0,0.2266556566743528,0.19031143212945856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591191927919993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273764308404901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406054668134255,0.18222160725733247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759269210490432,0.0,0.0,0.1246262726549823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032987597141868,0.0,0.0,0.07398916504562343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108757042472738,0.09412232846778663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741588125347714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983360355259778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741511289695244,0.0,0.0,0.2105355070568376 bpd,ofmiceormen,2020/02/12,"2 years ago today I graduated my 1yr long DBT program it's so weird to think about. I've made a huge turn around in my life and how I live it, and even though I'm really struggling right now (holy hell seasonal depression is a bitch), I'm still motivated to figure things out for myself. I'm struggling to get out of bed every day. but what did I do? I started using my sun lamp and blind myself every morning until the sleep fog clears enough to drag myself out of bed (opposite action to emotion). I have had several psychiatrist appointments for blood work to see if it's just Vitamin D deficiency or something else all together (it's just Vit D tho, I hate winter!). I picked up my supplements and went grocery shopping the other day. I haven't pulled away from friends and isolated myself. I may be skipping some classes but I'm going to therapy and talking through that with my therapist. all while wanting to sleep all fuckig day. 2 years ago I spent that entire year in intensive behavioral therapy, figuring out who I was and how I wanted to carry myself as a person. now I'm back in college half way across the country, I figured out my major and academic interests, found a fantastic hobby, and made some pretty neat friends. I never thought in high school I'd ever make it this far. I honestly thought I would have killed myself at this point. I know this is a sappy post, and I'm sorry. but I'm going through a rough spot and it's good to be reminded that I'm still in a better place than I used to be, all because I worked my ass off to get myself to where I am today. it does get better. you just have to be the one to make that first step. I believe in you. 💜 that's all. thanks for reading lol",3.62832066189624,4.986666979651165,5.0060465116279085,82.73716457960644,72.51744186046511,8.19928443649374,27.474955277280856,8.730908602173464,2.0528532200357774,1347,49,267,25,26,450,193,344,0.11,0.737,0.153,0.9557,0,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,2,0,6,18,17,4,2,11,1,17,7,4,10,8,58,50,24,1,4,8,0,1,0,2,2,3,0,2,1,19,18,0,0,9,2,2,6,2,8,0,3,10,3,37,9,45,34,9,56,1,1,2,1,7,24,3,5,24,174,56,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810590853102526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091480183409904,0.0,0.0,0.09595180459718868,0.07852946242892997,0.0,0.06225575322609544,0.0,0.0,0.11506230795864307,0.0,0.1806463022228902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975906587808311,0.0,0.08796195121834137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937214354415914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853141161312787,0.1148792802739275,0.0,0.1055246301486172,0.0,0.06745400909337344,0.09237983996196578,0.1720930308939849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686928835684747,0.0,0.11197713155776524,0.15780634141457087,0.0,0.16007163776043626,0.0,0.11608240801103928,0.08565939495341587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082940178320343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790292467215144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298854283003995,0.0,0.05612640221602831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213541529144357,0.0,0.0,0.09018013073921699,0.09037930019869699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932703278176972,0.13634131049675546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787667419945511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920398934672871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891734745389585,0.10670111880515223,0.0,0.09654315242383524,0.0,0.09780956421665736,0.10390001106178938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215477146223488,0.0,0.06542525741730693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721601477232767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335811232966137,0.08138210367951608,0.0,0.0,0.11537459254938802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044017788087019,0.0,0.0,0.07862245754860413,0.0,0.11432296569952445,0.07228611138035171,0.0,0.1631177229244684,0.0,0.0,0.2135309101254877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208592213106941,0.0,0.09402494415081177,0.23358255733002,0.11857747449735012,0.0678487301309702,0.06543894401650634,0.10033939102931654,0.1621550740186819,0.0,0.0,0.19360916401517986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108499569238192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17641010773247112,0.0,0.0,0.12047445979479073,0.08106376566725262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467287676536246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869954035648622,0.0,0.0,0.07254818611370645,0.0,0.0,0.1972995785698104 bpd,bohemiaren,2020/02/12,"I hate my unmotivated self I literally can’t do anything, I’m pathetic. I haven’t done any work in months, I haven’t put any effort into anything in months, I haven’t had any interest or motivation to do anything at all. I have a few more months of university left then that’s it, I’ll have to find a job, a house etc. I just don’t know how to do anything. I’ve been on Sertraline for a year and a half now and I feel like I’m flatlining. Before I would be able to work and get up, go out and do the things I need to do. Now I can only do that if it means I truly get something out of it then and there in the moment, for example travelling to see my partner or food shopping. I know all I have to do is just get up and physically do it but it’s been months now and I just can’t seem to sort my sleeping pattern out, I can’t concentrate or focus on something for long enough to get it done. I’m always too afraid to start because I know I can’t do it well. I’m so internally stressed and low and anxious but I rarely at all show it or express my feelings because I’m so afraid of rejection and criticism. I hate myself completely. I have no drive, no ambition, I don’t know who I am or who I want to be or what I want to do.",2.2649298245614027,2.8272700037037013,4.549142300194934,87.75798245614037,74.8888888888889,8.054580896686161,26.43274853801169,8.371475516178862,1.4594444444444443,951,33,229,16,19,334,120,270,0.141,0.8079999999999999,0.051,-0.9790000000000001,1,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,4,12,10,2,3,7,0,34,2,1,2,3,45,59,24,0,5,12,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,14,14,1,0,10,3,1,4,11,7,1,1,5,3,30,3,31,51,7,32,0,2,1,0,5,15,0,9,14,159,44,4,0.1143444079238448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514370733217592,0.0,0.0,0.23327435527511264,0.0,0.0,0.12917663411221858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37638281978543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394065795279042,0.0,0.0972986692796041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198879362147521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23402805767315304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181483395722503,0.1275242404142764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563193662267553,0.08168766786788773,0.0,0.0,0.10450871731878372,0.0,0.13826571193893353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389609349952516,0.0,0.06498456209103566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22578286005781156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319380945700376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134691812328324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513627849213517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423553377647956,0.0,0.0,0.055862901952451784,0.0,0.0,0.10119120280392592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245545814408982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650744619821139,0.0,0.0,0.08478492962279897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696407478244207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494771210085032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111768889490436,0.10409485449824446,0.11928615505331752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442698608775442,0.0,0.0,0.1760558231642196,0.0,0.0,0.08093356045593507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309811329473367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596534378533315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488658870987638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280935493487807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648818160776932,0.0,0.0,0.08122698668776451,0.0,0.0,0.07363404977428169 bpd,throwawaybin222,2020/02/12,Is anyone around to talk? I am not having a good time right now hahah. I really need to get this out.,-1.2783333333333324,0.7440454090909085,1.7518181818181835,95.56439393939397,94.9090909090909,4.751515151515153,7.333333333333332,6.42735559955562,-1.4447757575757572,77,0,18,1,3,27,20,22,0.11800000000000001,0.882,0.0,-0.3412,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31480516091682986,0.0,0.0,0.40079235826572296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352220170064,0.0,0.0,0.377624217601472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338333465763639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884232565151945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3844864811224691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618707806388064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26252762708134936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Pyropunk77,2020/02/12,Getting over someone Does anyone have any advice on getting over someone who was close to you? I was in a relationship a few months ago and even though I’ve had periods where I thought I made progress I always end up just thinking about them. I haven’t had any contact with them but sometimes it still feels like the day they broke up with me. Ngl it fed into stuff that I was already worried about beforehand,4.6065416666666685,6.161037237500004,4.3599999999999985,87.55166666666668,70.375,6.833333333333335,30.833333333333336,7.1686216300943375,1.733708333333334,329,14,64,3,6,100,60,80,0.084,0.85,0.066,-0.3291,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,3,1,7,2,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,1,0,11,14,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,8,1,11,1,12,6,1,15,0,1,0,0,7,9,0,0,7,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20829394152458214,0.1889502642779865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352233589871065,0.0,0.1773631786251512,0.0,0.0,0.2899072872917488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904389271239013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746822713158222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865345791714632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18879327904704646,0.0,0.0,0.1407877745870938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777826723935124,0.15227895605266664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22273081523943736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041374373075464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016937148206121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701393839582838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288501739441886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36121340765007937,0.0,0.21081710410926946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702269554835557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440130508162845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658199747119867,0.2094250550310055,0.16922235102063354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164706444779301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kephxi,2020/02/12,"Hi Hi, I strongly believe I have BPD. I just discovered it yesterday and a lot of things are starting to make sense. Didn’t know such a thing existed. Didn’t know such a community existed on/about BPD. I’m so happy that I have found all of these things. I want to make a conscious decision about healing! Let’s go!!! ❤️",0.4645454545454548,2.7959332575757583,2.8244696969697003,89.50670454545454,87.63636363636364,6.936363636363637,24.91666666666667,8.07648339933343,1.749703030303031,249,11,54,6,8,85,45,66,0.0,0.838,0.162,0.8522,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,2,1,12,15,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,5,2,5,11,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528607299157176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5653345774542488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24608075156759399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755125001749393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389146078834763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466865698016272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294993950181937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19080611360266544,0.0,0.0,0.2996234292663985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885583394498204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4473127576479212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323772327375094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,number_009,2020/02/12,"Advice? So I may have BPD? I haven’t been officially diagnosed, but I had a psychiatrist tell me that I may have it when I was about 16. I never put much thought into it at the time, because I was going through a lot of therapy at that point, and no other therapist or psychiatrist had said anything about it. I was always told “depression and anxiety” and sometimes “bipolar disorder”. I was put on a variety of antidepressants and anti anxiety medications, and while some of them were alright, the majority of them didn’t really do too much good. Fast forward, it got to the point where I now am very wary of the mental health system and towards trying to seek help for my mental health issues. I am very afraid of going back to therapy so I honestly have no clue what someone would diagnose me with now. Mostly it’s been manageable. I get really depressed sometimes, but I can deal with it. I get a lot of anxiety, especially around other people. I feel like everyone automatically hates me, even if they haven’t done anything to suggest it. I don’t know why, but I have no mental image of myself at all. I have no idea who I am or what I am doing. But I felt like I could just deal with all of that on my own, I didn’t need help. And then I got a girlfriend. I usually am not super into dating due to past experiences, but she was so kind and understanding and I felt like she was different. Now, I still love her deep down, I know I do but sometimes I feel like I hate her. I feel like I can’t even look at her. And it’s not her fault at all, I don’t know why it happens but it just does. Of course I have never told her this and I am very afraid of saying something stupid in the moment one of these days. She is also trying to get me back into therapy for my other issues that she is aware of. I am so afraid to go back to therapy but I kinda want to go just to be better for her. So I guess, can anyone relate? Am I on the wrong subreddit? If anyone has suggestions on what I should do, I am all ears lol",2.8481371065375285,4.159036564164651,4.900580357142856,82.9153015284504,74.39951573849879,8.261773607748182,24.52852602905569,8.841846274778883,1.684692554479418,1563,48,329,32,32,541,180,413,0.127,0.738,0.135,0.6806,1,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,3,2,24,22,3,3,11,2,49,8,1,0,6,65,79,32,0,7,17,0,5,5,1,4,6,3,0,0,23,18,0,0,11,0,0,7,15,10,0,1,22,9,64,12,48,51,12,48,0,2,1,1,27,21,0,12,26,261,87,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351924062563953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601657864297976,0.0626019466146205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17266480954791186,0.0,0.0,0.105212794303103,0.0,0.12382477964940232,0.06697552833259902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735543210702976,0.0,0.0458628504923801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665396683962773,0.0,0.0,0.09475645371976003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060069409068492924,0.0,0.0,0.04852066073018317,0.15512895326141854,0.1296004179113789,0.1527248576600609,0.0,0.07860506387832362,0.08622637854265992,0.0,0.0658390758306849,0.07699201756784746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938465037683587,0.0,0.0,0.07189072559110783,0.0,0.07359473630942791,0.0,0.0,0.11412395826859717,0.16124472651936358,0.1444757192114248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792229971125108,0.0,0.17103222907193674,0.06310395136893991,0.12034537300710728,0.0,0.0828803636951512,0.0,0.06653048677768136,0.0,0.0,0.14855892153211722,0.0,0.15994359482024864,0.0,0.0,0.10085751312480708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493169958675137,0.0,0.15705258932455093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834617520528382,0.12404235721767402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837812769664116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317885492859876,0.0,0.0,0.12792502984306794,0.06790295837775558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579183124808334,0.22745900576516825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061346948052377,0.05578615535171443,0.11605248108551527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05098150857413285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182077903715535,0.05215880902322982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224369431679973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126487580070688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639555041469444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156617053562761,0.05983027368125545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637467783264818,0.057919948423075,0.22322944140716727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600831517689082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575912593740711,0.0,0.3441533143306053,0.0873541914252583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05972856748910356,0.043870413602096495,0.0,0.0,0.14378145118221566,0.0,0.10215990510082663,0.0,0.0,0.07832278833448186,0.0,0.0,0.08286125238350199,0.18623145168187355,0.04437583557661247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577663771622256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05344512660769818,0.08225818706597697,0.0,0.0 bpd,Twiz00,2020/02/12,"DAE- have these feelings So, im wondering if this a trait of BPD or is this Depression? I'm a heavy drinker which my husband doesnt approve of. I've slowly gone from 1 a week binge. To everyday binge, now cut back to 3 times a week. Only because of husband is doing anything he can to persuade me otherwise. I feel I'm drinking to deal which this shit. This mental illness has a hold of me and I have no other way of controling it. I dont even think there is much of me left inside Anymore. Drinking somehow numbs that pain and I feel happy othwriwse im just.... trying to cope with life. Othwwise, I feel like id be ok if i went to sleep and never woke up. I'm on pristiq to help with this but im not even sure if that helping. Help!...",-0.5060989010989019,1.7003638846153883,1.9058608058608082,94.6296153846154,92.84615384615385,4.766300366300366,21.53113553113553,6.42735559955562,0.42327509157509136,570,22,126,7,21,193,99,156,0.113,0.8170000000000001,0.07,-0.6367,0,0,3,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,2,8,9,2,0,5,1,11,8,2,1,2,23,23,9,0,3,7,2,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,12,5,2,2,6,2,0,2,5,5,0,0,3,4,10,4,18,19,1,13,0,1,0,0,7,3,1,6,8,76,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070027384804207,0.0,0.0,0.11674970616788514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909187453698728,0.0,0.08648469771830307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17868455991790966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591230632563409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626522867783376,0.12219533725987647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662745487631185,0.2779638080020949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18741206343264571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869417819233518,0.10135437347063384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510268547869734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852842150533562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4597427991004039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414584621352406,0.0,0.100209366411613,0.06931216884290523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297500152238102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429326098238538,0.0,0.10942149951852027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790110115865743,0.15096328278768825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563098931645374,0.0,0.0,0.14197584269162922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371398488103967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090673550633803,0.0,0.0,0.08272751079404936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632271453606507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261248810497125,0.2276045410353041,0.0,0.0,0.13151804780899365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538556324173911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wowbitchyoumoody,2020/02/12,"My therapist suggested I might have BPD two weeks ago, so naturally I've spent every night since thinking about every awful, impulsive, fucked up, reckless thing I've ever done. Maybe he's right. I've always wondered how/where my chaotic streak fit in with the depression, anxiety, CPTSD and ADHD. I always ruled out BPD because I don't have outbursts of anger, and my mood doesn't flip flop like it does for my friends with BPD. It's a slow simmer and on the rare occasion that I do get angry, I strike like a cobra and say or do the most fucked up thing that will cause the most pain to that person with the smallest amount of blowback/blame for me. But like on the other hand, every now and then the constant emptiness fucks with my head and I basically toss a kerosene bomb into a friendship or relationship and burn bridges for the hell of it because nothing matters. And it's 11pm and I need to be up at 5am for work, but I'm going to go drive my car down the highway and blast music because that always calms me down in a cathartic way. And I know I'll be fucked for work tomorrow.",8.101917808219177,6.04539903196347,7.822232876712331,77.98732191780823,63.24657534246575,10.586484018264839,35.5986301369863,8.841846274778883,2.8339402739726025,864,30,175,10,10,276,130,219,0.19699999999999998,0.747,0.055,-0.9763,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,4,14,6,0,14,1,11,7,2,1,1,31,24,17,0,1,4,0,1,3,1,2,1,1,0,1,11,17,0,0,3,0,1,4,2,8,0,1,2,2,16,5,28,18,3,28,1,1,0,4,6,14,5,6,12,102,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372982250989666,0.0,0.10126977716273344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851786894007919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739579864937175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20892493449312052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43165624625731575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735932120288095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345640304408577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839757207893336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997506665588264,0.11691054273166222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333958984987207,0.2887646791106327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826407690360119,0.4224642962515753,0.059687400048795886,0.0,0.12985418071286126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724656734737696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278512051050641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744049198446131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147727329200249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119406934143835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470994662965421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072095818617002,0.0,0.10961951101123167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156290765647312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975282797781423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226545313791383,0.0,0.0975631393020757,0.0,0.09085084387735992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450322409506312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264525663862253,0.15179632150165764,0.07320248268083929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159908710372374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068100030470944,0.09163907041880083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389196691149933,0.16634094102815547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pinnipedmom,2020/02/12,"I was doing so well without my FP. Lately I’ve been so much better at being alone. Being single, not trying to jump into anything, and keeping a healthy distance from my exes. Then I saw him flirting with some girl on Facebook. I know I shouldn’t care. We haven’t even seen each other since November. Now, all of a sudden, I want nothing more than to have him back and make him mine again. I’ve been trying to talk to him and he’s just ignoring me for the most part, responding to less than half of my messages. I feel like a fucking moron for messaging him multiple times. I just miss him so much all of a sudden. He said he’s not seeing anyone, and maybe he isn’t seeing her, but commenting on every single one of her profile pictures is something.",3.233785871964681,4.783201821192058,4.477764900662255,85.37152593818986,73.83443708609272,6.622737306843268,25.166114790286976,7.1686216300943375,1.1610525386313464,589,19,114,6,12,194,98,151,0.049,0.865,0.087,0.5128,0,1,1,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,1,10,9,2,0,5,0,11,1,0,1,2,25,24,9,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,8,0,2,2,0,0,1,6,4,1,2,6,6,21,5,20,15,12,13,0,1,4,1,20,4,1,2,9,90,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037924258906094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758484170837107,0.0,0.16192339363744565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513025353391295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740254083026348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20061820804495548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996348477302527,0.0,0.16578562416634293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949187160820806,0.14057118129926865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18190895244989985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748965423410447,0.0,0.0,0.1081386105556782,0.0,0.2219630053260793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613096227647784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134424527792898,0.0,0.19768001983165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892944111996226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18880431405023435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333516771769954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21308069458280435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18717153764498426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313597425401616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276861879976645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148170882314008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815475809886292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473707073564915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671852689654286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605893283084988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769181670749208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18967744201966316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lyndeebear,2020/02/12,"DAE forget a word in the middle of a sentence? Like I'll just... ""Yeah, there's a sort of... of... oh fuck, what the fuck was that word?.... shit. I just had it."" I knew the sentence before I started it but my brain just yeeted the damn noun.",-2.3556222222222205,-0.7822299399999988,0.028666666666666174,104.75211111111112,108.4,2.2222222222222223,11.555555555555555,3.1291,-1.9801111111111107,173,3,43,0,9,57,34,50,0.242,0.677,0.081,-0.8446,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,4,0,7,1,2,4,2,0,0,9,6,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,4,1,4,3,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,2,4,1,2,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175121909453584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41654440966697576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6899184762729164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18229594014814335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38301987306612173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641083613130081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,stripperdictatorship,2020/02/12,"Finally here Longtime lurker here actually but as part of my refusal to admit anything was actually wrong with me (other than my now dead diagnosis of bipolar) I couldn’t join this sub. Well I went to see a main doctor and my mental health scores were off the charts and she actually took it as something serious. Thankfully, now I realize, but at the time I was actually pissed because, well that’s not what I came in for and I just didn’t feel ready to deal with therapists or anything again. I know I’ve needed help but I honestly just couldn’t make the call. So she came in, asked me if I’m okay and I literately sat there *fumbling* for words finally landing on: I don’t know how to answer that.... so I guess *no* not *okay*. I talked a bit about what’s been going on how I’m feeling and she grabbed pen and paper so she could draw something to explain mood. She drew this chart: three lines; super high cloud 9, comfortably normal relaxed , and angry sad anxious. I sobbed on the spot. Finally someone understood what I meant by I feel like I’m struggling to just feel oka y again. She set me up with an appointment to get an evaluation within the next hour; literally made the call for me and filled them in outside the room, so I didn’t even have to hear it again. I feel so strange knowing that if it weren’t for this one doctor who had never met me I would be in the same loop. At the same time I blew up at my boyfriend and accused him of not caring about me enough to push me to get help like she did. Getting this diagnosis I kind of feel like my perception of everything has shattered. Like I really kind of thought maybe I was normal just ??! Erratic ?!? Maybe crazy in like the cute way ??? No ? anyone else ? Turns out I meet all 10 criteria for bpd even though I can’t remember what they all are. Gonna start this partial hospitalization program soon hopefully second nice doctor lady said it includes DBT?? Still quite lost here but at least the process for help and answers has been kick started. Cheers",1.9337878787878784,4.4608206616161645,3.1169696969696967,88.74545454545456,82.28282828282829,6.428282828282829,23.646464646464647,7.686295010490155,1.2469464646464643,1586,58,321,28,44,510,216,396,0.128,0.6920000000000001,0.18,0.9713,1,0,2,0,0,0,51.0,0,0,2,3,30,29,1,1,15,2,22,6,1,4,3,69,65,27,1,10,14,0,7,5,0,2,5,2,1,0,18,16,0,1,19,1,0,7,13,7,2,3,23,10,46,21,48,36,9,46,0,3,1,0,26,20,2,5,22,210,64,6,0.0,0.0,0.3294165934989261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533862627997897,0.0,0.059008655198549226,0.08646929356399884,0.13889439541579446,0.0,0.0788948693229968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05144441128197761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213390467552364,0.0,0.10628842133549726,0.0,0.1723467702799862,0.1930432986896355,0.08604298640811184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737992410869302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700416118541329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25913551461493617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049845598167488,0.0,0.0,0.08719920958997468,0.0,0.11147987476162133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584583937185416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25602594619679864,0.12057892810202805,0.0,0.2773410238117815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322735769916905,0.0,0.04796176120971797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296699771946457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970445562708683,0.09511560566248302,0.0,0.16969797985840693,0.08916448918709126,0.0,0.08382002316868492,0.08310884811954566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757619867216994,0.13913845242027048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061476662851111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212353514613683,0.0,0.0,0.07985348917671298,0.056332130674301074,0.0,0.16956565832467696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504700803044055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257539356893467,0.06508809966193778,0.0,0.08975155522690646,0.0,0.16537194172253725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05718601584302115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138801251634583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976098580624052,0.0,0.0,0.0540634989762582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559937141589787,0.0,0.0802758544526723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724927730738096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150483336558958,0.12993774334208286,0.0,0.0,0.11946579235240545,0.0,0.06739533931129597,0.0,0.0,0.0882245526932768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678308705580169,0.0,0.07769656051052018,0.0,0.09798529534557013,0.0,0.0,0.08291443974902622,0.06699760172349767,0.0984189851362025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376230985883607,0.0,0.09179396135328106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698622191441041,0.0,0.0,0.15175658872961648,0.07823197306564418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059949458978364185,0.09226910149065096,0.0,0.0 bpd,ajaydoubleu,2020/02/12,"drunk alone; because whenever i ask to hang out with friends i get left on read so i distance myself from them. i feel like i legit have no friends. no ine really has been there for me besides one, but she has a boyfriend now so she barely speaks to me. every time i ask to hang out with my friends in our group chat, i get left on read so i just left it. im fucking sick of them. no one checks up on me ever. its like they dont care about me but they care about each other and it hurts. i wanted to have a birthday dinner so i asked everyone to tell me when they were off so i could pick a day, only 1 person replied and she basically made all of my other friends reply. it made me feel so fucking pathetic. i feel so alone so i go on bumble to get attention from guys cause those are the only people that will actually go out with me.",0.3742667060910705,2.4132705898876416,2.31649319929036,95.140659373152,84.67415730337078,5.3204021289178005,19.480780603193377,6.5966054737557815,0.00831011235955037,647,18,150,7,19,215,100,178,0.174,0.736,0.09,-0.9445,0,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,5,0,15,11,2,0,4,0,10,5,0,4,2,24,28,13,0,2,3,0,3,2,4,1,1,1,0,2,8,9,2,0,4,4,1,4,4,3,0,2,4,4,32,8,26,22,2,22,0,1,0,2,22,13,2,0,7,104,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.11437006899350607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427672316931488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286978916950353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144389182288431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389859524046141,0.12039644768253135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357447950312253,0.0,0.0,0.07558415578547653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735725727370013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601390154077467,0.09874586078824046,0.11198940246972038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777917511463184,0.08372753891790162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621930054895539,0.21669859718028772,0.18369612733678886,0.0,0.1332146600228477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604619816141178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254647774870027,0.0,0.12659586289767424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820136782242104,0.0,0.0,0.11451577500915558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22179451179450385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883519425566234,0.17827141221811224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125156350857961,0.10233431832869737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344629713187751,0.0,0.07508117356529162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243776453929973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834012822936332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912746073234909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mmcutie2007,2020/02/12,"Help I’m about to hit my one year mark with my husband this coming Wednesday. I got diagnosed with BPD exactly a year ago and feel so lost at times. I’m 23 and so is he, he comes from a very closed minded culture when it comes to mental heath. It’s been a battle to make our relationship work. We’ve gotten into many physical fights over the year and verbally abusive as well. I’ve been doing my absolute best to try and get better, especially with my communication skills, but I don’t feel the same desire from him. He’s been trying tiring toss last year too, I know he has. But it’s so upsetting when he’s so cold to me. He doesn’t really know how to give affection, and that’s something I NEED to thrive. To be reassured and appreciated. I’m thinking if giving up... I love him and he loves me, but after all the tons we’ve gone through, my soul’s feels heavy and hopeless.",3.0535714285714306,4.437391944444447,4.633174603174607,84.74500000000002,74.0,8.031746031746032,23.968253968253972,8.634040054169528,1.442825396825397,690,20,147,13,14,232,112,180,0.09,0.7170000000000001,0.193,0.9695,0,0,1,0,1,1,21.0,1,0,0,5,10,11,2,1,6,0,9,4,0,3,2,35,33,20,0,3,4,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,16,0,0,6,0,0,4,2,5,1,1,7,4,15,6,21,24,4,20,1,2,0,2,20,5,0,1,11,82,20,1,0.0,0.17417069395547502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030642970318052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15426719306874925,0.13000935380520012,0.0,0.0,0.18514106868719504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798818657288595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492016757291696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229825069134556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768013144348673,0.2820311549123319,0.0,0.0,0.11756914751152515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853084952020333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157446222205538,0.11982443515882366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046761758142686,0.0,0.26534606958297685,0.0,0.09812349024873236,0.14903469774986794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814119692024827,0.0,0.14842786625794016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899846938459748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996108508726518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417181901534816,0.0,0.0,0.15782274355407333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316760735969925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419151923501287,0.0,0.0,0.0857167500386059,0.16895461503865014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19960639370577496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129020815658945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217045029316354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701758582926256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786521380954357 bpd,WhoaCir,2020/02/12,*stares out of rain-covered window* when will my libido return from the war?,2.255714285714287,5.171803142857144,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857143,89.0,2.8000000000000003,14.142857142857142,3.1291,-1.1138857142857144,60,1,10,0,2,18,14,14,0.245,0.755,0.0,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,YouTubemama,2020/02/12,"Idk So I can’t feel things..anyways my partner whom I’ve loved for a long time. Has found somebody else they love and continuously told me they were just best friends when I knew better than that. What breaks a borderline persons core is finding out the person you have a child with and wanted a future with is polyamorous..I finally told him I couldn’t do it and I wouldn’t get in the way of his happiness. I think a lot about how they will have a great relationship and then part of me feels like I got away for reasons I couldn’t deal with. It’s hard when somebody says they want you and a future with you but also wants to be romantic with other people and love them too. I feel extremely selfish found myself saying she isn’t that pretty then beating myself up for thinking negatively about her when she makes him happy. Everyone in my life is extremely tired of me talking about this. And falling a part over the same man for 3 years. I’m trying to stay positive. But it’s honestly been a lot. I have everything my family’s help but I still feel empty. A part of me Even thought that I was a socio path but then I realize I have empathy. I’ve talked bad on my relationship to so many people and then felt like I manifested this future that I’m in. He wants me to himself. He doesn’t want me to be with other men. But I have to understand him. And I just feel like I can’t feel good knowing he’s romantic with other people. It’s been numbing to say the least. I’d see posts she’d make about him being with her in bed, about how she’ll appreciate him forever and lovey posts she made. And he would continue to tell me they are just friends. I don’t know what tf I’m doing anymore. Can’t connect to myself anymore.",2.6261945231350303,4.371260198300283,3.974637393767708,87.5241279508971,75.91218130311614,7.312898961284231,24.231255901794142,8.131152278815165,1.3019334088762986,1362,44,288,23,30,448,171,353,0.073,0.727,0.2,0.9931,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,3,6,3,19,18,0,0,15,0,32,6,0,6,0,64,67,28,0,9,8,0,8,3,3,4,3,3,1,6,16,20,0,0,19,0,0,1,10,3,0,0,13,12,55,15,40,44,8,32,0,0,1,3,51,9,0,2,20,199,71,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283498187144452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806496518856507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085570706471247,0.0,0.07604626112065567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558066080422237,0.08055102125241331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389733907754386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760839175455948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015610896188401,0.0,0.0,0.0870288581910745,0.08185496417743647,0.0,0.08586015978671056,0.0,0.2763104057914906,0.1301321723391445,0.0874490887101285,0.09977141245566856,0.0832435713250248,0.0,0.0,0.19972448243672705,0.14073315428695207,0.0,0.04758445550406873,0.0,0.0,0.07639184039148471,0.07284333490357049,0.1004137313015173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19390828458598008,0.08158792920508856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06104761174040065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010808883641617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433103029170621,0.1334882175115736,0.0,0.0,0.08060109552755625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548623857912264,0.2466041434478055,0.08618013262344837,0.12159044125747308,0.09233871836471226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958855443907945,0.0,0.18942589144459027,0.15905145811125282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445494735196246,0.09265899048227164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364327353423604,0.0,0.1955672080208409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21728645917505696,0.0,0.0,0.07257731248732031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707694728672152,0.07273494671217913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464099685792711,0.07960611885496792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671811059171874,0.0,0.07230569711495821,0.05310826915110299,0.10468067403106547,0.0,0.174057716382149,0.0,0.06183593099617556,0.0,0.0,0.09481532955809087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686005927574845,0.0722934157047596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469914312731187,0.0,0.0,0.058651196106816614 bpd,Oganesson-,2020/02/12,"I need help with my sister I think my sister has BPD and I don't know how to handle it. We were having snacks and playing games with family in michigan for a while and she got a call. She talked in the other room and heard her dogs fought at her new house down in Alabama. We came up a few minutes after she left the room and she was sobbing and screaming with rage. She was shouting at her boyfriend telling him to get them to the hospital. She was like that for 20 minutes and then came downstairs. Her tears dried off like a drop of water on a frying pan. She was laughing and playing perfectly fine. Then she went in the other room as we started watching a movie and we heard her in terrible condition again. She was curled up on the floor sobbing. This sounds like a one time thing but she's like this all the time. A happy conversation can end up a screaming fight within minutes with her. I remember we were talking about school a few years ago when we were in high school and at first we were laughing so hard, not even 20 minutes later she was smashing glass cups and plates in a pit of rage. I was scared, she was like a badger. We live 500 miles away now, but sometimes I'll get a call of her freaking out and crying and other times a friendly conversation about our day. Her mood swings happen within minutes maybe hours. I try to calm her down but it all escalates no matter what I try to say. I know she's a good person she's smart and friendly, but she gets crazy over anything. If the world isn't perfect all the time she goes crazy. I need advice on how to help her so it doesn't lead to her doing something terrible.",3.2994265734265724,4.817313600000002,3.734545454545458,90.89412587412588,73.60606060606061,6.410256410256411,24.51048951048951,6.844919456158928,0.7396083916083911,1288,39,271,11,26,402,167,330,0.154,0.6970000000000001,0.149,-0.4111,0,0,1,0,1,0,24.0,9,0,1,4,10,31,4,1,23,0,19,2,0,3,5,50,36,28,0,3,6,2,1,5,2,0,0,7,3,1,11,29,2,0,4,3,0,4,5,12,0,2,19,9,49,18,44,17,5,57,0,2,1,0,58,32,2,1,25,185,60,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174624032058026,0.10655399751914764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891802520179548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129360432975482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513933043712747,0.0,0.2454843784728421,0.2749637496553392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320389505458729,0.07752192985128714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646546944022672,0.0,0.0,0.07939390951054229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331806319098915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022458488642492,0.0,0.0,0.18573932904588455,0.0,0.18840560100681786,0.0,0.0,0.10082179462817732,0.0961384843465294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629640345649784,0.12795987860117766,0.10767958201162324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114102610669562,0.12700260744302064,0.0,0.0,0.11837717581290627,0.138699803260904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212245079527554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060249315381786,0.0,0.0,0.2936291271917382,0.0,0.1061427368927376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076153262561433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782601620327229,0.0,0.11609421264291048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145365029908161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495789447424003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616821618589578,0.0,0.0,0.0955914080620989,0.12034563028951024,0.2433066537564109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253926288457696,0.11888528060063724,0.0,0.08508133264334647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19323157693243095,0.10506399276690943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985849933644107,0.07702216175943111,0.0,0.0,0.2803687398010286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322187038796612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143073498577732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740772860392517 bpd,pb_rogue,2020/02/12,"BPD potentially caused or exacerbated by NPD parents? I've seen this said a number of times but I'm wondering if anyone has any sources of videos or articles they could link me to with more information on the connection with people developing BPD more often if they have NPD parents? I can't seem to find any actual sources on this just word of mouth. Background: My mom has been learning about BPD, something I learned about quite extensively as I had a BPD partner for a number of years and I suspected it in myself for a while (but am leaning towards PMDD personally now), and so my mother had a Narc mom and was learning about DBT for BPD from her therapist who wasn't saying she had BPD just that DBT might be helpful for her dealing with the intensity of her emotions, but she was surprised how well BPD fits her and I was talking about how often I've seen people mention this link and wanted to give her some stuff to read. I'm also reading up on and teaching her about quiet BPD because she was saying she relates so heavily but doesn't feel she outwardly comes off as having BPD so I was explaining about quiet BPD.",8.979770642201837,7.197510922018353,8.771633027522935,71.00249541284404,61.33944954128441,11.655779816513764,38.77247706422018,10.355215969177356,3.88647376146789,903,37,167,16,10,293,121,218,0.011000000000000001,0.9329999999999999,0.055999999999999994,0.8079,2,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,1,18,2,0,0,7,0,20,1,1,3,0,42,32,23,0,4,10,5,1,0,1,1,0,5,0,2,7,10,0,0,12,3,0,1,3,0,1,0,13,8,23,2,33,16,3,14,0,0,2,0,31,9,0,10,4,120,30,6,0.0,0.0,0.06887256680440805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564400700496888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598899683929724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0493487896773313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043022831547105976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8888873898197199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250159468295309,0.0,0.06079547926381209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056349660776478565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276136080283274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938915951315262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035685642296296526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645057206860191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770349196844694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04730599767397296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487060425461096,0.0,0.16531688825541274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673389238815816,0.0,0.0,0.09785783614461213,0.061624752328137127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506688628774222,0.14119136936281146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713449483340167,0.11225066729917152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425027290913557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433330369722738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079330527480068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056726786155942725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194485563532404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041153774657300295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04162789879560302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345682641104514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653729654727125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045449007217568664 bpd,pinkwoozles710,2020/02/12,"FP Advice? I was recently diagnosed with BPD & since finding this out, so many more things in my life makes sense. I always felt like a freak or a weirdo because of how I would react or feel, but finding out that I have a disorder that explains it all makes me feel like I finally have a light at the end of the tunnel. I really struggle with the feeling of not being good enough and being abandoned. My FP & I used to date, but now we are just friends. I still have a deep attachment to him & I know it isn’t healthy. Him and I went out separate ways for about 6 months while he dated someone else & it was so so hard on me. I was finally getting better, and he came back into my life. However, he is realizing he still has feelings for the last girl he dated, and even though we are just friends, I can’t help but feel devastated and like I’m losing him again. I don’t have romantic feelings as much as I used too, but I’m unhealthily attached and obsess over it. I am hoping to find a good therapist & start DBT to try and learn to better control everything but right now, I feel very alone and like, I’m losing my best friend. Ideally I want to get to a place where I am not as attached and have a healthy relationship with him. He is aware of my condition and that I am overly attached, but we are very close and want to remain friends. I guess what I’m asking for is any advice or success stories from getting over a FP or being able to form a more healthy relationship. I’m really happy I found this group of people and appreciate any and all responses. Thank you :)",4.389182194616978,4.930755661490681,5.451490683229814,83.28843685300208,70.0248447204969,8.866252587991719,28.99792960662527,8.976282227363876,2.1427084886128367,1241,44,260,22,21,411,159,322,0.109,0.639,0.252,0.9954,1,1,0,0,0,0,38.0,3,1,0,8,17,24,0,2,14,0,25,3,0,7,2,71,57,32,0,5,14,0,9,4,4,1,3,0,0,1,11,25,0,2,16,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,7,10,36,18,35,46,8,35,0,3,0,0,25,15,0,6,21,171,47,2,0.08303582638812794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622832970518773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600007384312458,0.0,0.0,0.06909245941628528,0.4498464159976739,0.0,0.11293441872748484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762728866028193,0.0,0.0,0.06384942499679369,0.0,0.05061786905552666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871409768909603,0.14687688121088438,0.0,0.0,0.10458071652894277,0.0,0.0,0.09497086439146496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313173997391626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427961589353583,0.0,0.0,0.09516625092742093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936577802275999,0.0,0.07354509584085528,0.0857982055344669,0.0,0.05484438019982856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462724657665552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938978613848269,0.05932081096302123,0.07972741508905959,0.18192337809813106,0.2276797229937505,0.0,0.0,0.0910444977160536,0.2566130939527776,0.0,0.13014837633134893,0.0,0.0,0.13929302313252526,0.0,0.0,0.09147332430836604,0.0,0.0,0.08839318123507985,0.07438379054529251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565716410786276,0.0,0.0,0.08247331150760143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04563431860845104,0.06768528115043948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730131967812454,0.16226844188655715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18579169997301587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085411779566877,0.08418529496926036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627840441501041,0.0,0.06104088661991144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057566586831944114,0.0,0.08675476530084753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638975327617507,0.0,0.08198786104153988,0.1782988045006368,0.0,0.07091214203541399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868809365681303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035598623721932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05877318530056989,0.0,0.1326250364306172,0.0,0.0,0.08680707475167798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644823272307702,0.0,0.09641099442237627,0.05516531339490168,0.0,0.08158227783041755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05637587550274303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343258687826202,0.0,0.13702650597088248,0.09795336357559148,0.06590997398731885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697504296214076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05898626865187938,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tryin2Balivetbh,2020/02/12,"struggling with self awareness basically the title of the post. i have had an awful last 4-5 days just swinging from intense depression to mania back to depression etc. i’m really struggling to figure out when my emotions and reactions are normal. i feel like i’m missing cues and not reading things right. i’m not feeling good in any sense. everything is a panic attack spiraling into a depression and i feel so incapable of ever balancing out. i don’t know what to do",4.189691011235953,6.578581269662923,5.7195365168539345,73.87121488764046,73.38202247191009,8.944382022471911,31.3497191011236,9.516144504307137,3.541167415730337,379,18,61,10,8,128,66,89,0.34299999999999997,0.62,0.037000000000000005,-0.9844,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,10,1,3,5,1,6,0,0,0,1,17,14,5,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,8,0,0,1,3,5,2,12,13,1,11,0,4,0,0,1,5,0,0,6,41,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501226784387556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20913578008512254,0.0,0.14135569137053605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855662540073855,0.0,0.4750034717233492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20678659429213514,0.0,0.0,0.2050216083176604,0.0,0.16628683990217252,0.0,0.0,0.16521661761953765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788534031912496,0.13132983181539729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418981133329654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102942442230056,0.1498478602291241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981117602721478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801166226575638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156875951090911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606052741044895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388204758070034,0.0,0.1177676786427574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699177971430378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177718118227724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843628683576537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213001158585544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sterilizationIf,2020/02/12,"My partner of 3 months has been acting really strange lately and I am so confused as a person who has never had an experience with anyone who has bpd in their entire life So I'm 16 as is my partner and in November I started a long distance relationship with someone from Kansas, I'm from NY. So we've been really close for a while now and they have had some times where they'd cry for a while and they often say shit like ""I wanna die"" and they dissociate often. But over the past weekend they had a really tough weekend with their parents and responsibilities and they don't have a good relationship with their dad because of past trauma. So recently their dad has been collecting their phone, that they paid for, every night at 10:30 so eventually they said no fuck this and just decided not to turn their phone in. Then their father decided to set restrictions on their phone making it so their phone can only call from 10:30pm to 6 am. This was the final straw and they face timed me from their laptop and started hysterically crying for a solid hour talking about how tough everything is and saying ""I'm scared I don't wanna die"" and since Sunday night they haven't been the same. During the day they're pretty normal but once they turn their phone in they're a whole new person like they're quiet and just stares and doesn't say much and it's really confusing how long does a mindset like this last. I am flying into town in a week so I'm hoping they go back to being their normal selves by the time I am there. Tl;dr My S/O had a kinda mental breakdown on Sunday night and they haven't been the same since, they're fine during the day but during the night they're like a whole new person. How long will this last?",5.320446570972886,5.987250146198832,5.757522594364701,81.47215311004787,68.00584795321637,8.44040404040404,24.609782030834666,8.438071523408619,1.39326432748538,1378,31,270,19,22,443,164,342,0.09,0.847,0.064,-0.3839,1,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,25,0,19,15,2,3,21,0,31,4,2,4,1,49,45,34,2,5,6,4,0,4,2,1,1,5,0,5,9,22,0,1,2,2,1,2,8,8,0,0,12,6,35,7,34,30,6,52,0,0,1,1,49,13,2,7,40,178,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432305639950915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073629182665561,0.0,0.05607756620102651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586090374664346,0.0,0.09393427953654973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20209813377857488,0.11865466428723012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909466744167908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050295814306313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750736142926917,0.0,0.08267662069519308,0.08998598327691641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077291349050227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504526852465474,0.0,0.0,0.0522812638405684,0.07715865831379205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091368970527226,0.090593746068343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499717750024263,0.10377116209107268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497678233453402,0.17977088846329653,0.0,0.0,0.24423049730143395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06140548037021989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927064593447307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342726354608059,0.0,0.06762482151594443,0.0,0.0709500240499402,0.17769320053383753,0.0,0.34531363748342797,0.1802655677971904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796864688717978,0.0,0.06996418213886768,0.0,0.0,0.10214640587658777,0.0,0.17563384952422584,0.0,0.2409720144420921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358909733924207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357301302396168,0.0,0.09083115885803024,0.1975303030236248,0.0,0.0,0.08750560906876892,0.219467571062351,0.09210019918125052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442862910748301,0.15219372886032942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794465767668271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302250470450435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393981269104395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092410283874892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20012210525369264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379056095642877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20541192027677374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SnipeXTank,2020/02/12,"How do I know if I have BPD? I'm an 18 year old male and I feel like I might have BPD, It'll take forever if I explain why I think I have it. So is there any signs that are like ""yup, hes definitely got BPD"" ask me anything you need to",-0.9430357142857132,0.14200362500000094,2.053000000000001,100.29200000000004,84.17857142857143,5.908571428571428,18.34285714285714,6.742157984588678,-0.4212885714285717,177,4,52,2,5,63,42,56,0.0,0.848,0.152,0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,9,0,0,1,0,11,18,5,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,10,2,1,15,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,28,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900435897038696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821025782079005,0.0,0.19109376256444285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7723336583605154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335475929908766,0.14602902099165765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348364421387745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233721794814272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19972671750312834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168444445265216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156584330070036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21449167125968285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536892770734347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097630751360104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18444630631245415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163196454059067 bpd,wxshx,2020/02/12,"I'm recently diagnosed with BPD So, uhm hi? ((Please excuse my grammar if I have any mistakes, English isn't my first language.)) I'm recently diagnosed with BPD last week by my psychiatrist but wasn't really explained to me very well so when I got home and like a person who is curious I went over the internet and read about it. I came across something about having an FP(?) or a favorite person(?) and I just want to ask if you guys have one too? I might have an FP but I'm not really sure since I'm new to this and how do I tell them or should I?",2.365410628019326,3.613553869565223,4.271594202898552,87.19599033816428,75.52173913043478,8.241545893719808,24.951690821256037,8.841846274778883,1.6534444444444452,425,14,95,9,9,145,76,115,0.04,0.812,0.149,0.9068,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,1,1,9,4,0,0,5,0,10,2,0,1,1,22,20,14,0,5,8,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,3,3,7,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,1,1,2,4,0,14,3,10,14,0,11,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,5,8,62,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118786313281608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380315242929166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144121007718605,0.0,0.0,0.18816602491767387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339668519580255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993986457658458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158095540791725,0.0,0.0,0.16289977717185014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502607391612142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341050266428653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037572332057788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452876905760095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588935744173246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148240166948764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873034690820444,0.0,0.18059257043053384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16456362374643824,0.0,0.21079029968004626,0.0,0.32488553205325216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136091901715248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665484281203584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505730714110347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379694709363816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357454894304197,0.09703762922153183,0.0,0.1319673004189456,0.0,0.1479224311341057,0.15251085630168154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RickyTheRipper,2020/02/12,"Stutter/blocks triggering my BPD Anyone else have a speech impediment? Every time I try to talk to someone and struggle with getting out what I want to say it's causes me a lot of distress and I experience all the symptom's of BPD, my episode can last anywhere from a few hours to days. It does the most damage when there's a girl I like who I want to talk to or someone or I want to be friends with I can't even connect with people, I can't talk about anything in detail I always try to keep everything short and sweet. Having to introduce myself in person is a huge trigger",5.279757869249393,5.265812932203392,6.0842857142857145,81.46567796610174,67.98305084745763,8.437772397094433,32.111380145278446,7.957251820313856,2.1924125907990315,458,18,92,5,7,151,77,118,0.08199999999999999,0.7859999999999999,0.132,0.3832,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,7,0,7,1,0,3,1,19,12,6,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,2,4,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,13,3,19,11,4,10,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,4,6,62,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605232850651947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432907782991793,0.1675339754907598,0.1345537200449721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118669423797998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679684651943578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544957832788114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308755650403332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659052953669262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079959476724718,0.0,0.13776312341566704,0.0,0.14695106749074602,0.15994287369943408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263264083102989,0.0,0.08542654196428474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102312335441887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533403646221754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332814055822305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798820868018896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900924113077512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335633799732273,0.14276948130319406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002867306391472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770807649000885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093478435392856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16994813529229585,0.0,0.3942662743222082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953432320539909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22202333506553334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28932498521749866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,soap_chan,2020/02/12,"DAE have trouble feeling empathy for people who aren’t your FP? My empathy is only high with a selective bunch, usually only my FP + other people who have cluster B disorders. I also feel a lot of understanding for certain “bad” people, like school shooters? But to everyone else, I feel like I completely lack empathy. I could see a normal person crying over losing their significant other and not really give a shit unless they were personality disordered, or had some sort of abusive past/childhood trauma, or had some connection with me like for example my FP. Is this normal? I feel really guilty for this sometimes but I can’t help it.",6.5340384615384615,7.957019273504276,7.864177350427351,64.72908653846157,65.66666666666667,11.320085470085473,33.42841880341881,11.20814326018867,4.475257264957267,513,22,78,16,8,176,79,117,0.14400000000000002,0.7290000000000001,0.128,-0.4431,1,0,0,1,0,0,14.0,0,1,2,1,1,9,1,0,4,0,10,1,1,0,1,23,17,7,0,4,6,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,5,13,4,11,13,5,3,0,1,1,0,9,2,1,6,4,57,20,1,0.0,0.1750224678670924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813056639038308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333891856951262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488021419146974,0.0,0.0,0.1179413373791174,0.0,0.1622620217824562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385967852982739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339999327142093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115151876560858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987639903887301,0.10553024679244834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170520776813753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990127101892104,0.15607288432808802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21650364063957034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525940586317225,0.0,0.12558513008469546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894658643466945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22469340877035254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101418446773312,0.3072285771258732,0.2579644883424469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892647240851313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949917955430642,0.11771265415225307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163109116003365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609754099592076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378034421642905,0.0,0.0,0.16269124458799994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MovingDetroit,2020/02/12,"I can feel the incoming breakdown building up Haven't had this experience in a while :))) my symptoms, which had been pretty well controlled, are now coming back full force. I have a lot of reasons why, but the worst thing about it is that unlike the last time I 'relapsed' super badly, this time I have no support. Literally none. None of the friends I leaned on and who helped to ground me, not my therapist ... I'm literally alone. I've isolated myself so well that now it's coming back to bite me. Hard. I had a feeling that my therapist leaving would end up sending me spiralling eventually, and I was right. It took a bit I guess but here I am. Again. I can just feel it all, building and building while I'm starting to splinter and crack as my emotional wellbeing and mental health falls apart. Like a storm that is just brewing and getting stronger as the seconds pass; I just want to scream and scream, ""HELP ME. HELP ME. DON'T IGNORE ME DON'T LEAVE ME,"" because that's been my head and thoughts lately. Just ... that. School doesn't matter, my grades don't matter. I just want attention and love and to not be alone. I'm so miserable. I want to latch on and never let go, so that I'll never be left again, and never be abandoned. I wish I could make myself the center of people's worlds so they'd never leave me. So I would always be their favourite. Because then, I know I'm not alone, and I know that I'll be okay. As long as others love and stay with me, I'll be okay. I'll be okay. But I'm becoming a castoff again, I'm being ignored and pushed to the side, and becoming the 2nd rate friend. Maybe even 3rd. I've gone from 0 to 100 so fast and sometimes I find myself just begging God and everything to make them care about me. How many times do I have to go through this shit before I finally just bite the fucking bullet and kill myself? I think about it constantly, and only get a brief reprieve when attention is given to me. When I get attention, briefly everything is okay. Of course, only the right kind from the right person, but still. I hate how angry and unpredictable I've become. And once this all hits, I don't know where I'll be.",2.246462561828416,4.397497165501163,3.1513377679231347,91.10554323725056,78.5104895104895,6.143407811700495,23.05082722155893,7.217587316427113,0.7864409687873093,1680,54,350,21,41,533,202,429,0.145,0.6779999999999999,0.17800000000000002,0.9032,0,3,0,0,0,1,67.0,0,0,3,2,34,27,4,1,18,4,38,7,2,6,6,77,77,43,1,7,14,0,4,1,2,2,2,2,0,1,21,25,0,4,13,0,0,11,16,12,2,1,10,6,49,15,31,52,8,56,0,2,0,3,13,16,2,2,29,231,70,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594217820103101,0.0,0.0,0.0694731533135799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840246039181036,0.06971345732290647,0.10179353889007596,0.2766355264533956,0.07104668882061997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911531104639938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512703192524232,0.0,0.0,0.1438442510694755,0.0,0.09022664667805014,0.09364488837465393,0.06666264375710186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939187776088642,0.07395032340691816,0.0,0.0,0.05514656832599127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500768734125651,0.08167251459722623,0.0,0.0,0.12665023498958028,0.0,0.0,0.09146288064364967,0.07631140665503637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901350573613649,0.0771882540154081,0.13086548342278456,0.0,0.09490238654258504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197733497210044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479363925175728,0.08243239459658,0.08568826197283874,0.08874952365999679,0.0,0.0,0.16789149182406604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237301801596112,0.08694547271950308,0.13765728010682488,0.06805822160860718,0.0941841322617227,0.2652221973265249,0.09071576594040218,0.08537760427404223,0.0,0.04079063198929697,0.0,0.0,0.07388898481576464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098305796816969,0.15071201114125435,0.0,0.1114649150735674,0.08464914917719424,0.08388028944720974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841416560486923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25758086599154895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891768975109073,0.0,0.12700090567295014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057883774097821576,0.07290317021367104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494275041767821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584506663317118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21390858671298715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449972477904348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570472098353275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257705521765665,0.0,0.05909702082701546,0.08899279888295121,0.0666778948600551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474726086696887,0.0,0.08678155668576389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19388442250303545,0.0554692698371706,0.053499165518710416,0.0,0.06628439131319096,0.14605692641816995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276418076517524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773961810217265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501410924113858,0.0,0.07533975921332224,0.0,0.09601322866174113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862255650092335,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,naturellie,2020/02/12,"poème My mind it cycles in circles composing a cyclone, i’m psycho. What do you want to hear? Actuality always is an incessant attempt to make everyone happy. It’s become so tiring, a tyre balding, losing grip and traction. The road is life and I’m roaring down it riddled in roles, reacting rarely. Tangled and flip-flopping between self care and destruction, Constructing a confusing conniption within a community of voices all mine, so isolated. Lonely but not alone; the demons I fight so frightening born from spite of self, unable to accept love, they tell me tales of toxicity and terrible tormenting thoughts of turmoil. My exterior happy, jovial, smiley and covered in fresh grazes and gashes from ‘gardening’, broken bones and bruises from gigs and giggling giddily in the gutter. I am okay and how are you? I will hold space to help and heal others until my own thoughts are far to huge; hurting to heave up each hill. Life is a story and they all have an ending.",6.213169230769233,8.107822211428577,6.719428571428572,70.86410989010989,66.88571428571429,9.4989010989011,33.46153846153846,9.851270322608157,3.699083516483516,777,35,121,18,13,253,123,175,0.174,0.623,0.203,0.7587,0,3,0,0,1,0,25.0,0,2,2,2,4,16,3,2,10,1,9,7,2,3,2,27,18,18,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,1,2,5,13,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,9,0,0,2,3,12,7,22,15,4,15,1,3,0,1,12,12,0,1,3,80,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.18150478892199454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19263525646794805,0.0,0.0,0.15476316524955486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20541742938292604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896348197926866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473681668118256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772668177651474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3959913608515751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20963045905594835,0.0,0.12466887065416128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19911204177219174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26274826044269484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20808140141369927,0.0,0.0,0.16786821076097197,0.0,0.12415344811825413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18780244512344388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880677649452363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625682750213457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29531932025501795,0.0,0.2137744792747182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970497158352596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,captnkrunch,2020/02/12,"My wife (BP) has finally agreed to see a therapist. But We are hopelessly lost on how to find a good one Some information: My wife and I have been together for nearly 7 years. We have come to the conclusion that it is likely that my wife has BPD. Finding articles, and self help, she agreed to try and get some help. She has a long traumatic childhood, which I don't want to dive into, but has domestic violence at home, sexual assault, body shaming, and more. She also has a natural tendency to have a ton of anxiety. We are looking for a well qualified / reviewed phycologist and have had a bad experience, and are not looking to repeat our feat. Could you please provide me a guide in which I can locate one that will best help us? I am currently in Volusia County Florida. Thanks! :",5.318200000000001,6.255701753333334,6.622666666666664,74.29800000000002,68.13333333333333,11.333333333333336,33.0,11.20814326018867,4.0406,613,27,115,20,10,208,100,150,0.14400000000000002,0.6759999999999999,0.18,0.6406,1,0,0,0,1,1,23.0,5,1,0,3,3,10,1,1,9,0,20,1,1,1,0,23,28,10,0,2,3,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,6,11,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,5,1,2,3,3,17,5,16,23,5,13,0,2,3,0,17,6,0,2,7,87,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670386439839252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077170105833855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427311094357342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793951938747153,0.0,0.0,0.1898802604329807,0.21529799856091086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472531296647687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648488350388954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16721604502948625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872608091431835,0.3124794595690181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931119066084202,0.0,0.0,0.14337972663264226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437405030978941,0.0,0.17147078166071947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351460940245292,0.0,0.0,0.15128007106267718,0.2870998329617921,0.0,0.18660558213310294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23167217279128274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18764519132644206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622024513136086,0.0,0.17833188570972575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738227892368795,0.0,0.19847917309555066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605976288659835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20562459829750507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082720710895893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369919607135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008233891705324 bpd,throwitaway507,2020/02/12,"How to deal with guilt. I can almost handle everything else. The pushing people away, the paranoia, the depression and mania. But I can’t deal with the guilt. I think about things I did years ago and it’ll eat me alive the whole day. I feel terrible for existing and feel like I’m the most awful person in the world and don’t deserve anything. My mind can’t remember the good stuff but best believe I remember every terrible thing I’ve ever done. I’m having a good day then boom it hits me. I spaz out and hit myself in the head and dig my nails into my skin to try to stop it. It’s like flash backs and I can’t take it anymore. I just want it to stop.",1.318344481605351,3.1844802101449297,3.0007246376811594,92.4560367892977,80.23188405797102,6.275139353400222,20.035674470457078,7.321109707123232,0.4019212931995546,511,13,114,7,13,169,84,138,0.154,0.708,0.138,0.1664,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,0,2,10,1,9,3,2,1,1,27,18,11,0,1,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,9,11,1,2,5,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,2,4,15,5,13,13,3,16,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,2,11,72,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654161743509555,0.0,0.15424254137380702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276008086224818,0.0,0.0,0.12675664422737035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471977004707096,0.11844243880920005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354327851117846,0.16164890793769526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986780399615257,0.3176040465179525,0.1326690353209158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762999630328348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576149714962897,0.12867542533587228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933233723331775,0.1297800701208004,0.0,0.13843559415920306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557681751803455,0.1100417352693872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583923875547993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580830568887133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050621050837906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553016821551768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067876012765884,0.13449632118700686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489804026908121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575582091171828,0.0,0.0,0.17633178106969882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581420341388556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046663460632292,0.09869860155261133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045787990241734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085309125367948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17197317084194366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099192678938747 bpd,punk023,2020/02/12,"Does anyone have a day of the week that is the roughest for you? Tuesdays are always the hardest for me. I just get especially lonely. I wish I could be with my boyfriend and cuddle with him. The last few weeks it hasn't worked out. I'm hoping we can tonight but I'm not optimistic about it happening. He wasn't very excited sounding in his text that he wanted to hang out. The longest hour he made me wait is now just texting and no mention of hanging out (I'm trying to hold out for him to ask so I don't sound needed). It's just the worst feeling. The thing is tomorrow will be a good day. It always is for some reason. Now I do have bad days and days where I am just meh but nothing like Tuesday feelings. Anyone else have a day that is the roughest for you?",1.1938443396226397,3.2620558490566083,2.683109276729564,93.52579599056608,81.70440251572326,5.232861635220126,22.516116352201266,6.322622252153567,0.35290220125786176,596,20,130,5,16,194,96,159,0.151,0.792,0.057,-0.9469,0,2,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,2,0,1,9,7,0,0,11,0,19,1,0,2,0,29,33,6,0,5,7,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,8,10,0,2,3,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,2,4,15,4,18,27,3,23,0,1,0,1,11,6,0,2,16,89,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802325099611523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354882477464292,0.1725382688077113,0.0,0.0,0.15742448688707622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060090978948744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344479060593268,0.0,0.0,0.5429969544356466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736162748369286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406705322472893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702888648132531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879782600369316,0.0,0.0,0.14123984665721664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890914984976406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725199308172,0.16583293544009708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726256370418916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226819022930383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593372885671602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486108803877548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157738211051434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731357894596501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187265850752967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143276214717246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389416516065442,0.099322404955002,0.0,0.2701490083420241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936433483586706,0.0,0.0,0.12259192520196055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chrono_legend,2020/02/12,"I belive my psychiatrist would rather see me on heroin than continue talking to me anymore. It's low how mental health treats us with BDP. Fuck this shit, intensively thinking about suicide.",6.192727272727272,9.126925242424246,5.863636363636368,72.61545454545455,69.30303030303031,8.036363636363637,32.21212121212121,8.841846274778883,3.1954121212121214,155,7,23,3,3,48,32,33,0.40299999999999997,0.597,0.0,-0.9555,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,1,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,5,4,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,1,5,3,0,3,0,1,1,1,2,2,2,0,1,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155602461116479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941627082034142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382224480213826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320661967701235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535572513045065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266187731789011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34804961236532994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25575009547938826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20388412221975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827449282199645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260339537370454,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dinoking88,2020/02/12,"Anyone needs to talk? Hey all, if anyone wants to chat about anything with someone who understands feel free to message me anytime, either now or in the future. I’m doing pretty good at the moment, in large part due to this sub so I thought I’d do my part to help out anyone who needs it <3",4.125,4.766139499999999,4.813333333333336,87.27000000000002,70.66666666666666,6.666666666666668,25.0,5.985473137389443,0.6909999999999998,230,6,47,1,4,74,47,60,0.0,0.8140000000000001,0.18600000000000005,0.9022,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,12,9,3,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,3,11,8,4,8,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,4,30,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4966843786740076,0.0,0.1948490331807344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972263276304015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19859908410798244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870804678211067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3511374206658409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5128174057653567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240889479162236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20062217208010236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19031408011059572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879761653761723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464954046549237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965845419910522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sufiwhirling,2020/02/12,"Do you feel like you have many talents it gets really hard for you to focus on one? I have way too many talents it’s getting harder for me to focus on one only and I feel like I lose my sense of self because of that, like I don’t know whether I’m me the artist or the poet or the author... etc does anyone else have this problem and how do you guys deal with it?",0.054999999999999716,1.8199465000000004,2.1750000000000007,97.28,84.0,4.5,17.5,5.148860815047168,-0.7269999999999999,280,6,67,1,8,94,51,80,0.087,0.753,0.16,0.7463,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,4,0,1,2,7,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,0,11,12,6,0,1,3,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,3,11,5,9,12,1,3,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,2,3,44,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401469167316492,0.20536656604328468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218166301172186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20663688897724425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17539964676823724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674354585260322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22353498408594324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026891752407795,0.2863777345788743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094351968998112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984594780012741,0.0,0.0,0.1795479620046773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101523442614884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293763276496363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22423246276503853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4064137638505949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716362124708681,0.15243778758760365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917866315737442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840205667716253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090945900551435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909382163038108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,omae-wa-mou-,2020/02/12,"DAE have really strong urges to self harm while angry? so i’m under a lot of stress rn- work and school take up most of my free time- AND i’m trying to go on a short trip but my coworker will not answer my texts asking him to cover the one day i need. literally if i had this one day covered i’d be peachy- but i’m getting nothing on his end even though he initially told me he could but he’d get back to me. i know i’m asking him a favor and all and he doesn’t owe me anything but i’m so frustrated- this dudes always on his phone so i know he got my texts- at this point i’m just waiting for him to say he can’t cover at all and just thinking of that makes me livid for some reason. i want to hurt myself because i’m already stressed out with life and school and work and everything and i just want a fucking break dammit! sorry for the long post turned vent, i’m just pissed and stressed",0.2567280314187528,2.3033319432989683,1.941723122238589,97.5954467353952,85.23711340206184,4.932351497299951,18.000981836033382,6.1826913282559595,-0.3934317133038778,703,17,166,6,21,229,112,194,0.17600000000000002,0.77,0.054000000000000006,-0.9814,1,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,3,10,11,3,3,6,0,8,3,1,2,2,38,35,20,0,5,10,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,12,0,1,5,0,2,2,3,8,0,2,3,1,21,4,21,28,5,21,0,1,0,1,17,10,2,4,7,93,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171655356588307,0.0,0.1143973553747824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313727517898425,0.0,0.2570571840306488,0.0,0.0,0.10571638965441288,0.0,0.08380871666140803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097694545932327,0.0,0.0,0.17733107574880674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176964803478538,0.0,0.0,0.09080661051921762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356138020553575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271013579231561,0.14365899631124293,0.0,0.07813508903377313,0.0,0.10995818139934256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717902005482186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111476439660634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971087211724474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166864538447085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688362656177605,0.0,0.0,0.0917713598225168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194233540451038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191920669294152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863248690907484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996642539531275,0.0,0.1316712693915911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807550430677932,0.14135602209504372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093324640944404,0.0,0.27828145358503625,0.0,0.0,0.14342536205030676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390161621540194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4724609425042073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337054504037063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809392921138526,0.13507692312731226,0.0,0.08016778337857032,0.0,0.0,0.1313714561341805,0.0,0.09334232880023484,0.1495426598647944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621827597075089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20017937298354926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,courtezanry,2020/02/12,"I'm never going to be free of this. It doesn't matter how long I go to therapy. It doesn't matter how long I take my medicine. It doesn't matter how well I control my symptoms at work, to the point where people are surprised when I admit to having mental illness. It doesn't matter how successful I am at work. It doesn't matter how well I'm able to live with roommates. It doesn't matter how well I control my negative habits. It doesn't matter how proud my auntie is of me. It doesn't matter. Because it just takes hearing one song in one mood, and getting so emotionally wrapped up in it, and reaching out to the person I care about, and them not being able to validate my emotions, for everything to come crashing down. My logical mind understands what happened but it's completely overruled my my emotional mind. I'm never going to be free of this disease. I've been so good for so long. I haven't had any outbursts or breakdowns or lashing out for ages. I'VE BEHAVED, GOD DAMNIT! I've managed my illness and listened to my inner cues and kept my mind open to alternative interpretations and given people the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming the worst and used my logical mind to build levees and dig shallow spots to gently, lovingly coach my emotional mind to follow a path that doesn't destroy everything it comes in contact with. It's just never enough. It will always come back. And I'm just so tired of it.",4.773279569892472,6.0823669283154125,5.583833333333335,79.87575000000005,69.68100358422939,8.160645161290322,30.43745519713261,8.548686976883017,2.4064005734767018,1139,46,208,18,20,372,138,279,0.14300000000000002,0.7090000000000001,0.14800000000000002,0.8569,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,6,22,16,1,1,6,0,20,5,0,10,3,58,44,24,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,19,17,0,3,6,2,2,7,15,3,3,2,4,3,23,14,35,36,2,29,0,0,0,1,7,13,0,4,9,145,42,4,0.18768204076409328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780832464052693,0.0,0.0,0.06381511180549727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215795221329592,0.0,0.05720461502403475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567717445565606,0.0,0.0,0.2425071894219849,0.09839052447044903,0.0,0.21050136764478047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42223406909507066,0.0,0.09696285934060483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686765164309178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0490280600043364,0.0,0.15999604335084133,0.07870939563940485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298330440911476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057656501281878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286334024453945,0.2491390501002403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469518469284704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456967690155517,0.0,0.4737633975901159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21712794010210854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127178208071142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011509569304874,0.08193835938071133,0.0,0.0,0.08871009635937188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975367512619124,0.14111353733643253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731538513289113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785644835739727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976918116990438,0.0,0.08104851179404343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531230415308417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366347609585771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,muse89,2020/02/12,"DAE feel inadequate? Whenever I'm talking to my FP I feel inadequate for him....thoughts go through my head...I'm such a boring person why is he wasting his time with me? I'm so ugly there's much better looking people he could be talking to...I'm such a failure... All those thoughts add up and eventually I start getting the urge to just purge him from my life and block him everywhere before he eventually gets bored of me.",2.8796341463414663,5.262269097560979,4.236768292682928,82.94344512195124,77.53658536585365,7.0268292682926825,28.542682926829272,8.07648339933343,2.0750195121951216,334,15,64,6,8,110,60,82,0.23,0.736,0.033,-0.9442,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,11,13,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,10,1,8,10,2,4,0,0,1,0,9,1,0,0,2,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169600334206327,0.0,0.0,0.225499562065784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20357218130130364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578402050089193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26642179603613164,0.0,0.14490488788269318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616719862669709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009230587608244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141099356457536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18743171951117332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676355888285766,0.22262929502546405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18046853170119656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40986921436085066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4048341729446615,0.1486746070930381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23007007009284824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,texo188,2020/02/12,"Anyone have friends that Anyone have those friends that treat you shittily or in disregard to your emotions because your past was so “shitty “ and “fucked up”, but when you want to come out and try to smile, aren’t so much of a people pleaser anymore they victimize themselves or put themselves in a pedestal? When in reality they’re the ones that left you abandoned in one way or another? I feel like I just try to be this supportive caring friend but also live my life as my own and others as I expect them to, but when I do I’m the bad person. I’m the shitty negligent person and the negligent friend, what’s up with that. I’m so tired of this, and I’m never messaging any of my peers unless I know they’re truly there or message me first. Fuck.",7.841685714285719,5.985069206666669,7.79247619047619,77.36100000000002,63.6,10.971428571428573,34.76190476190476,9.606745405546679,3.0039904761904763,591,20,119,9,7,191,90,150,0.196,0.604,0.2,-0.5975,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,5,2,1,9,13,3,0,6,0,6,4,0,0,1,24,18,22,0,2,9,0,1,1,4,0,2,0,0,2,9,8,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,5,0,3,1,1,16,8,19,16,2,17,0,1,0,2,15,8,2,4,7,83,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255530527985545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676556192820508,0.1646284638117407,0.0,0.0,0.15570207267486044,0.2195564672562592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108866086445262,0.09570590249129036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007223062768444,0.0,0.0,0.13524182395951706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766041630921519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938404979711662,0.11216101854274522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354434265335224,0.0,0.0,0.4851920518600213,0.2902884247004721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628323808348927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058124403927716,0.0,0.11089392809976972,0.07670239762351681,0.0,0.1386341077239043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541325725147855,0.0,0.12108828081333503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127748814594725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987451502868382,0.1088442134940664,0.2741731459915191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782862707306947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17816203678001838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804487054971512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21318574425991346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260282226396788,0.12461950021471895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SweatyResort,2020/02/12,Does anyone ever get burning anger/resentment when someone goes out of their way to scream at you for something petty? Mop boy at college bathroom yelled at me for knocking over a floor is wet sign. I didn’t hear the drop of the sign as I was listening to music and had my mind set on taking a shit. I regret not standing up for myself more given the way he talked to me. I hope he dies violently in a car crash.,5.023411764705884,4.871376282352943,5.894117647058824,83.08352941176473,68.52941176470588,8.211764705882354,28.764705882352942,7.554174236665415,1.5986941176470584,324,10,67,3,5,107,67,85,0.21600000000000005,0.752,0.032,-0.9393,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,2,5,2,0,6,0,4,1,1,0,1,9,10,3,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,4,5,10,1,17,6,1,17,0,1,0,0,8,9,1,1,2,42,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954760851912403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29014097342835105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446463831939482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25287962032110983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605948295538335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150864254224365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776679104874165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822776870595234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869661328476181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368717750222696,0.21522030371333534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21019565427983009,0.2247011559097672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44380623071384784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Admiral_Dickweed,2020/02/12,"Dating someone with BPD Hi everybody. I wanted to take some time and ask your advice on dating someone with BPD. Me (23M, neurotypical, undiagnosed depression) have been dating my girlfriend (18F, BPD) for about 2 months now. Things are mostly great, and I really care for this girl. From the beginning she has been very open about her struggles with BPD and depression, and I’m not afraid of dealing with these things because she’s an amazing girl. My questions are these: What should I know about dating somebody with BPD that I wouldn’t expect? Are there behaviors I need to watch for in myself to avoid making her BPD worse? What can I do to make sure that her and I have the most healthy relationship possible? Feel free to ask me questions if you think it would help you offer better advice. I want to make sure I’m the best BF possible and do things the right way in this unfamiliar situation. Thanks in advance!",4.757740863787372,6.814480953488372,4.774684385382064,82.71267441860469,70.86046511627906,7.937541528239202,26.239202657807308,8.634040054169528,1.8848691029900333,732,24,135,13,14,227,104,172,0.06,0.745,0.195,0.9767,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,3,0,3,5,14,0,3,5,0,14,0,0,3,2,35,31,7,0,8,2,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,12,12,0,1,5,0,1,1,2,5,0,0,2,2,21,10,23,26,4,16,0,2,1,0,21,6,0,6,8,89,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857329919067622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768863263697476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05793207578610093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973271833676277,0.08405018595509267,0.0,0.0,0.7181548463535666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689388381053253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979762725220508,0.16370594395565924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04805223783844146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477573911683193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369954147218522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052228409717757815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903085592055024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758555351933173,0.0,0.0,0.07046678836911087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142739678609746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21292050980046034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06088145712830052,0.0,0.0,0.10203135817087798,0.0,0.0811588410022531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682262456390666,0.0,0.0,0.1610446430381859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935056783538897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791375563575696,0.0,0.07145402635770061,0.0,0.0,0.08749488855345687,0.0,0.0,0.18940985719005796,0.06089419318980465,0.0,0.0,0.05541531104758755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841331605545973,0.1121074788023911,0.07543386711725665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684815192549306,0.06750969666722627,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Sunflwrcheeks,2020/02/12,"The percieved abandonment roller coaster My lover is currently depressed and unfortunately for me I love them so much that I always want to be with them. I always want to hug them and love them all the time whenever I have time. They are not a seeking comfort type of depressive, they are used to being in silence. They become reclusive. Obviously being one of those 'crazy borderlines' this causes me to spiral. I think everything is my fault, I start to feel useless and worthless. Ugly, dumb, stupid, no good, not enough- the list goes on and on and I become more filled with dread and self hate. My current therapist has been great in rewiring me and I have a bit of a louder 'common sense' voice, as equally loud as the 'I'm being abandoned and ignored' voice. So I understand that he just needs space but god the latter is so loud sometimes. It sounds like a siren. I just want to be loved because despite making progress in my rational thinking and IDing, I still don't know how to love myself yet. I am spiraling and I want to be impulsive right now but I can't. It's absolute torture.",3.8897489316239344,6.034486254807696,4.404166666666669,84.06861111111112,73.47115384615384,7.314529914529915,28.382478632478627,8.167268648758528,2.026560042735043,863,35,160,14,18,273,128,208,0.157,0.6659999999999999,0.177,0.8906,2,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,7,1,9,23,4,1,9,0,18,6,0,4,2,37,37,18,0,5,6,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,0,1,6,12,0,3,5,1,0,1,5,13,0,1,1,6,29,10,21,30,6,17,0,6,0,6,14,7,1,0,10,113,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365114016046111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663538147072761,0.3139220114749611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15515885553049333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599697618034246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448164805278187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684854192159735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772880597139022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186043136148595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920399278423995,0.0,0.15668843216976516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031464136701702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810574950247169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943293260765758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5130774593284553,0.0,0.09486658527933572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447497289596118,0.10538060320703448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963045775797778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137019180726925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14826275176132486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056087955123614,0.0,0.10059367223023556,0.0,0.11349767224625135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501293783411036,0.0,0.18213024770007052,0.0,0.0,0.16574329667222498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479525274238302,0.0,0.12274654298366547,0.0,0.0,0.3353055819241637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,stupidthrowawaynya,2020/02/13,"dating someone with ASPD when you have BPD hello, to clarify: i am not necessarily diagnosed with BPD. i am confident that i do have it and my therapist/psychologist (he has a psychology license and does therapy) agrees, although i don’t have a diagnosis or anything yet (doing CBT to help with symptoms and PTSD) my (18M) boyfriend (also 18M) is going to be screened for ASPD soon and i’m really nervous about it. i’m sure you guys understand why. i’m rather skeptical on it considering (at least from what i’ve seen) he has shown empathy and compassion many times, but he says he lacks it. we have been together for almost two years and i don’t know what to do. has anyone else here dated someone with ASPD? what/is you’re experience? did it work out? please help i’m so paranoid and anxious he’ll throw me away even more than before (he says he would never, but i get worried because ASPD traits)",1.97056818181818,4.5568585568181845,4.067,81.57800000000003,82.75,7.383636363636365,25.27727272727273,8.395991825355821,2.112837272727273,710,29,134,17,20,242,113,176,0.054000000000000006,0.838,0.10800000000000001,0.8015,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,2,0,1,9,3,1,1,2,0,19,2,0,0,2,25,29,14,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,8,13,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,3,4,12,1,17,23,3,14,0,0,2,0,16,4,0,2,8,83,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577222103715704,0.0,0.0,0.1244023552345919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17574004649945296,0.0,0.10877211276371156,0.1593909862628593,0.1280137362017511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615500890629846,0.0,0.0,0.09482875497158592,0.0,0.13237125104744565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3918481487870219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789149550923015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613278552193353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995154656388147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274680441076756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216884998992222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812743847140658,0.0,0.08840910000568718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540301936254227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085389873606938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549244957090107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771479238079542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997850302099505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170759647886951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181842893277532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965658405973878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474172582772781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636132537446316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661473119625595,0.16168780582221012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778979608056548,0.18061871701112708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070907406129354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196083480921466,0.16194485131045164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036992217695532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132505153832276,0.1579801018524346,0.0,0.1105063196267935,0.0,0.0,0.100176408993856 bpd,dreamilyraising,2020/02/13,"An Internal Struggle TW for mention of eating disorders: Hi everyone, I just popped into this community to get some things off my mind and hopefully gain some insight here. I’m going to preface this with I have not yet been officially diagnosed with BPD, so if this isn’t allowed here then I understand completely. I’ve (22F) been diagnosed with anorexia, anxiety, and depression from early teen years and in the past two years have been given a diagnosis of bipolar 2. Each time this diagnosis is reaffirmed to me I consistently bring up that I think I’m a rapid cycler because I don’t sit in moods very long. I’m currently treating my depression with Effexor (75mg). Something that I haven’t discussed much with my psych though (or anyone really) is these seemingly-random but definitely triggered outbursts. This can range from a small trigger such as a plan change or large as in an interpersonal fight of sorts. The reaction is extreme though. Hysteria, clouded judgement, impulsivity, just this overwhelming flood of emotions hit me and I completely lash out. It’s scary and it doesn’t last for two long but it’s mentally draining. My boyfriend works in the social work field and mentioned that he thinks I’m exhibiting symptoms of bpd. I don’t really know why I’m writing this, I guess, I just feel crazy and alone because I can’t find people who this happens to. Am I just crazy?",5.539453125000001,7.566101539062501,6.041843750000003,74.54378125000002,68.765625,9.8075,33.89375,10.125756701596842,3.8288709375,1118,54,191,30,20,361,157,256,0.11900000000000001,0.85,0.031,-0.9620000000000001,2,1,1,0,2,0,30.0,0,0,0,4,11,8,1,2,9,0,16,5,0,3,0,42,34,18,0,2,10,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,17,15,1,0,7,0,0,2,7,5,0,2,4,2,19,2,28,29,4,23,0,3,0,0,9,9,0,8,11,120,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178579492873008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973408579861731,0.0,0.0,0.08897154865026156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513279961245646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32051723320897485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460665261021945,0.0,0.26682458242268736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191891197961731,0.25829875907032396,0.0,0.0,0.14583196814149968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020177159426474,0.0,0.1431317062507907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158652817461027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433808975743206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629816868381394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647942831924115,0.0,0.0723153604579615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017295823188758,0.0,0.11252092448021762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263814137794832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992964872118486,0.10372035956220726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22521282195267825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823142617094518,0.0,0.12847956793553147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353854487419876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146822976291766,0.08821455689468613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630307694077998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970862917873738,0.0,0.09795819117014508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302243638133998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322546203833978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453486553396551,0.16306487453609642,0.2500320024280451,0.0,0.07419665381876298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248596638672132,0.13246487404659632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049891366873682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481738326744124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18526943134725246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388116438938666 bpd,someone-help-me-,2020/02/13,river of tears Not diagnosed but I get really triggered whenever someone is yelling even if it’s not directed at me and I end up crying every time. It’s so hard to hold back tears that I just have to leave the situation. Is this one of the symptoms of BPD?,3.235188679245283,4.487132471698119,5.1624056603773605,81.65040094339625,73.33962264150944,9.073584905660377,28.34433962264151,9.516144504307137,2.5322867924528305,203,8,42,5,4,70,42,53,0.212,0.7879999999999999,0.0,-0.8608,0,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,1,0,8,4,4,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,7,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21481747914475904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35185541440707224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068736748638407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835536049141726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474379697669257,0.0,0.0,0.18452055755201455,0.0,0.23538039056668675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595874653367547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502597067236535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958113817500848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18930763153611446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178970903863022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140224063779123,0.0,0.0,0.2367084058624142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903713088769259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629022821371835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Metalworks13,2020/02/13,"How should I go about bringing this up to a professional Reading a lot about this made me realize I should talk to someone about BPD but I feel like if I just walk in and be like ""yo I think I have BPD"" they'll just be dismissive it whatever. Idk like these issues have to be found accidentally or something How do I go about bringing this up as a possibility, basically?",2.5684169884169883,4.760888351351352,4.478803088803087,81.78067567567571,77.64864864864866,8.012355212355214,26.787644787644787,8.841846274778883,2.130650965250965,294,12,61,7,7,100,47,74,0.065,0.8009999999999999,0.135,0.7227,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,8,3,0,0,3,0,9,0,0,3,0,16,17,7,0,3,5,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,9,3,11,9,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,3,45,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5763751950991933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569698972183365,0.16346724868150686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25088654904786273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26008448641169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23882599353202336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33536597838613985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19453243325233405,0.0,0.2165126258593139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579573207455822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288793946084601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19387630262913147,0.17615486999553787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18391481762730905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661699767838932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hotvenom6,2020/02/13,"Feeling hopeful After years of struggling, I finally got help. I was prescribed two medications today to help with the depression, anxiety and panic attacks. For the first time, I was open and honest with a doctor. She said she was happy I'm still here today. My fp is flying across the country right now to spend valentines day weekend with me and I feel like things are finally gonna start getting better. HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND EVERYONE <3",4.333240740740742,7.119303604938272,4.8204783950617305,78.53590277777779,74.67901234567901,7.012962962962964,29.878086419753085,8.07648339933343,2.5524679012345683,356,16,56,6,8,113,62,81,0.14300000000000002,0.585,0.272,0.9191,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,3,10,1,2,5,0,6,2,0,0,0,10,15,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,4,0,2,5,3,8,6,9,9,0,17,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,1,15,37,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712844994879542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20392675358773898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853516899903888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560368926087065,0.0,0.1543907916219494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347357038142087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17128441733694375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812719284302249,0.12805874843815362,0.0,0.3927269322971703,0.0,0.15247295007994902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365256427259472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336541275130205,0.19762763543153947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19081870216655428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240299708030385,0.0,0.0,0.1780391886044357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757421401384469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18057906005936405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21031537999782274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530815241852386,0.17051114341162724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126876562021487,0.0,0.14315209031326756,0.0,0.0,0.18739469619197816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190880717216316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452416734399016,0.0,0.3398227493086197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510463965929154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154333879598251 bpd,teenagemannequin,2020/02/13,"My FP doesn’t like me anymore and I don’t know how to handle it Okay, so he does still snap me and like he said he still wants to be friends but just like 3 weeks ago we were in a sort of fwb thing. We would go on regular dates and everything and it was basically just a relationship but without the title of boyfriends. I obviously really liked him a lot, and I know he really liked me at the beginning but I guess my being crazy kind of drove him away. I can’t remember exactly what I said the night I had an ‘episode’, but from what I can tell I guess I either told him he was my fp or I was in love with him, and it really freaked him out. Now he just wants to be friends, and he won’t hang out with me (I know he’s busy because he’s in college, but it hurts whenever I see him posting videos of him with other people and he won’t hang out with me). He’s so beautiful and amazing and caring and I just feel like absolute shit for driving him away. I really thought that we could have a really bright future together, but I ruined it. Now he likes a girl, and he said he’s “getting really close” to being in a relationship with her. It breaks my heart. I can’t stop thinking about it and it’s tearing me apart and making me absolutely miserable and I don’t know what to do. I really love him, he’s one of the nicest people I’ve met my entire life, and we had so much in common. I feel completely and utterly useless, worthless, horrible, disgusting, any bad word you can think of. Why wasn’t I good enough for him? Why am I never good enough for anyone? I feel so terrible and hopeless. I’d really appreciate some kind of validation or advice or anything honestly",1.7000072254335272,3.588713462427748,3.837279624277457,86.80944544797691,79.11560693641619,7.908815028901732,23.240245664739884,8.751876143730069,1.59435289017341,1302,43,284,31,32,446,160,346,0.146,0.643,0.21100000000000002,0.9794,0,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,4,1,0,0,14,31,2,1,11,1,25,5,2,2,3,73,53,32,0,4,15,0,3,7,2,3,1,3,0,1,14,31,0,1,11,1,0,5,10,11,0,1,14,8,51,20,35,31,6,34,0,6,2,2,44,14,1,8,20,184,65,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881675873632659,0.08056859413533411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618083881912989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901385613138916,0.06355247475403428,0.0,0.07479481212068152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707884912352647,0.0,0.07588944123795363,0.05540576442952762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266851961062288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529654589261624,0.0,0.0,0.07256835309054357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953854343045705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18782754995490414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168616579482409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787030417234306,0.0649319092113546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044293940429592,0.0,0.04748632854002576,0.0,0.051654941265541016,0.1524686157351144,0.0,0.0,0.20025139551629345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770521210790852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729973729428516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18929611573531227,0.1998032990245594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419836913945783,0.3108302000502733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727151705608568,0.16406373679590713,0.0,0.060669850896847725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681468516429091,0.0,0.07010005221496841,0.0,0.0,0.08529420652870581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061589487439069085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260235094260412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704759629622996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4658122293744977,0.0,0.0,0.1951639163116859,0.102960771059222,0.0,0.2593719105932488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242764614655131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932973867121335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516991060748716,0.07598819761473001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944195796083278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06038334713944795,0.11647741867416138,0.0,0.07215659088970583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684939038908009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721867768466503,0.0,0.07290655986778098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402836551967528,0.0,0.0,0.0876148178511951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456572286592584,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thegrahamyt,2020/02/13,"I'm 19 I need advice. I'm a 19 year old female. So, I've had relationship struggles my entire life. I recently got out of my first serious long-term romantic one. I ended it in a poor way. I didn't believe that he loved me and that he was planning to break up with me. I slept with another person right away. Once I slept with someone else, I told him of course, because I would want to know if I was in his position. Turns out, he really did love me. I hurt him very deeply, but I am only now realizing it. I was in the wrong for the most part. My ""self-harm methods"" are sex and substance abuse, particularly MDMA and alcohol. Sometimes I cut/burn, but I also have body dysmorphia so I force myself to refrain from it sometimes so that people still like me for my body. Apparently, I have a nice body but I hate it and myself. I'm disclosing all of this information because I really just need to vent right now. I'm getting professional help again. I'm going to commit to therapy because I have noticed certain patterns in my life and that I can't be doing this stuff forever or I'll wind up alone. I don't know if I can handle being alone. I will kill myself I'm alone. My question is, how should I go about living my life now? What are good coping methods? For those who are starting to live their best lives, dealing with bpd, what should I do? I'm very scared for my future and sometimes I think that suicide will be the best option for me. I can't do that though because I know I have people who love me. I know I shouldn't devastate them. I just want to live a comfortable life with a partner and maybe a few cats and dogs. I'm scared that won't be able to happen because of this stupid disorder. I ruin everything, like I just ruined a relationship with the first person I truly loved/love all because of my stupid paranoia. I feel alone. I know I'm not really alone, but I feel alone. Would anyone be willing to give me some advice? Thanks for reading TL;DR: I'm 19 and need some advice on how to live successfully and cope with this ridiculous disorder. I want a happy romantic relationship but I don't know what I'm doing.",2.1807217090069315,4.184183351039263,3.947223441108545,86.04346795612012,78.07621247113164,6.91660508083141,23.52707852193996,7.908726449838941,1.2508984295612002,1673,55,342,28,40,562,195,433,0.191,0.642,0.16699999999999998,-0.9301,1,6,3,0,1,2,54.0,0,0,2,6,16,27,5,3,12,0,38,14,5,2,4,65,80,25,2,13,12,0,2,2,1,9,5,0,0,3,22,19,1,1,12,1,1,2,8,13,0,3,10,2,64,14,41,56,9,29,0,3,0,4,25,12,0,8,15,223,86,3,0.06636158625123555,0.07862762818082605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19454332213371192,0.0,0.07092035385547105,0.0,0.4123835384941104,0.0,0.05306933654933232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695859093577168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04640156409059864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062348894772872025,0.0,0.0,0.2427204421966717,0.0,0.0,0.0747667827755209,0.13928478117231535,0.0,0.0,0.221138286529182,0.08358009478597445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841588149754997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211225428424738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055436589980148526,0.0,0.058776668256246827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596415147028273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710882390237892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128942627289378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03467118984280553,0.06366008046544476,0.0754296375398649,0.055660950043402234,0.05307542277138814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586833315594634,0.07064314255312243,0.0,0.06551832754145802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04448077242200101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104145060492051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341926289999877,0.0,0.21882355378960144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18749260365804168,0.06484183797831136,0.0,0.2929924823023089,0.058727915555008475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796817675631538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666913299280282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147618826022055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555310578866382,0.06963532155030655,0.07067292354968674,0.04496832829518836,0.0504709767116688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186313102071694,0.0,0.09201353640730417,0.11588875485774465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434016416386784,0.0,0.06637954463893728,0.0,0.12753879431422133,0.0,0.06552406050167725,0.2137425255104025,0.0,0.11334486413001628,0.0,0.0,0.13287904941962014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922960738422103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056227956679184836,0.0,0.19689991699151585,0.0,0.04697107230983446,0.0,0.05299644850299229,0.0,0.0,0.06937553859492343,0.07596813938725762,0.07258880443755805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610968326598403,0.07589025734787726,0.0,0.0,0.0425218249063818,0.06519992155566205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341133952635734,0.0,0.0,0.0721823496321422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951051720962067,0.11742534882117404,0.052674738288646786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428273373190416,0.07255597694938917,0.0,0.04273468579572545 bpd,CurryBoy10,2020/02/13,"DAE feel like they can’t articulate themselves accurately while speaking? So I recently got diagnosed with BPD after getting an initial diagnosis of depression and anxiety a year ago, I found this sub and thought I’d share this here. I’m not sure if this is affiliated with BPD or not but I’ve noticed it’s really hard for me to express myself clearly and say what I mean in verbal context. I’ll have something I want to say in my head it’ll be clear to me but once I’m actually trying to vocalize these thoughts it’s just like verbal diarrhoea. I don’t know if I’m overthinking this, close friends and family have spent so much time with me that (I think?) they understand the points I’m trying to make, but I always feel like I’m not able to actually accurately communicate how I feel. It’s really frustrating because I hear people speak effectively around me all the time and it just makes me overly conscious about my own speaking abilities which just makes me spiral even more. Texting has always been my preferred way of communicating cause I feel like writing things down gives me the chance to review what I’m saying and fine tune it to accurately convey what’s going on in my head.",5.977710144927535,6.91383584347826,6.858695652173914,73.1994927536232,66.65217391304348,10.307246376811596,32.28985507246377,10.355215969177356,3.4048637681159413,964,39,176,24,15,321,135,230,0.049,0.7929999999999999,0.158,0.9765,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,1,10,10,1,0,5,0,9,3,2,6,4,48,36,16,0,4,12,0,5,4,1,1,1,7,0,0,17,11,0,0,14,0,1,1,5,2,0,0,6,12,24,8,23,28,4,18,0,1,0,0,14,9,0,3,11,105,41,1,0.11781791356171792,0.0,0.2299465763957664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443847164633864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19606788455924293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013038139290368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488292191814563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182070656088582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967750754387909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103145166582885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147639631042774,0.1195827022175465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781762074030796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106824338020202,0.0,0.2382891085160528,0.2525074229688706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918126101426594,0.09102582775781227,0.0,0.06155499708094335,0.11302167837300807,0.06695863539200779,0.0,0.09422974834653862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554170875465872,0.0,0.2418303395664161,0.0,0.13278935132919492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474964408889282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230239525414279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23593311652061685,0.0,0.0,0.12833824737361293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660972277074352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341364754818891,0.0,0.1254722327824987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168010660491039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137601043093218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095434465546584,0.0,0.1163309759831977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810806011871988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070198592227606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104198921418516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827298658756851,0.07549296173150652,0.0,0.18706852595870352,0.13740114572880108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998125907489014,0.0,0.0,0.12265260308963558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949205797558362,0.0935183758128198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587087352171623 bpd,Silent_Preparation,2020/02/13,"How to know when someone is acting appropriately vs taking it too far? (long post) Long story short me and my ex broke up because we would fight all the time and we had some trust issues (my fault). We continued talking because we wanted to fix those issues and get back together. I’ve made my fair share of fuck-ups since then, mostly outbursts of anger/fighting and sometimes I take it too far and spam him with messages about how i feel like he doesn’t care about me. Those usually don’t end well. Recently (last Saturday) we got into a really bad fight. Things were going well earlier in the day, I asked him if he wanted to spend Valentine’s with me and we were going to discuss it later because he went to dinner and got a lil drunky. I texted him asking him to come over at night (he was drunk and i was kinda drunk), and when he said no I spiraled and spammed him with how I felt like he doesn’t care about me. Things got really bad and we messaged back and forth for an hour or two because I couldn’t stop. Eventually I said I was actin crazy and that I’ll talk to him tomorrow and I was sorry but he continued the argument with something i don’t remember. He then said it was over and I said “if it’s really over just block me” and he didn’t so I said “why didn’t you block me?” and he said “You want that?” and I said “no but i know you do” and then he blocked me. He blocked me on snap (where we were having the argument) and I kinda went crazy. I called him excessively and he blocked my number. I used my google voice number and he blocked me on there. I even added my emails to my iMessage so I could facetime him through those. I was so devastated and I couldn’t get a grip. I texted him from Sunday to Monday begging him to talk to me. Most of it was me apologizing. Then I kind of got a grip and realized that we’re adults and he should’ve talked to me like an adult. So I sent him a message saying I don’t deserve to be treated like this and that there should be consequences to my actions but not this. I asked him if it was really over. He messaged me Monday and said “I’ve blocked you four times, isn’t that enough?” and I tried to explain that I was spiraling and I’m still trying be better but I’m still gonna mess up sometimes. I gave examples on how I’ve improved (texting him less when he asks for space, stopping arguments midway when I know I’m overreacting, not pushing him when he asks to talk about something later). But every time he would just say something else about how I called him from diff numbers. I haven’t texted him since Tuesday because I really want to give him space and text him in two weeks hoping he’ll reconsider. I really wanted him to be there for me when I was better. I know he shouldn’t “put up with it” but at the very least I wanted him to be there waiting for me once my bad day was over, you know? I’m just really hurt. I know I really fucked up. He knows I have BPD (I was diagnosed after we broke up and I told him about it). I was wondering if I deserve this? I feel like this is all my fault but I also feel like I didn’t deserve that and I don’t know what to do.",1.4517511520737332,3.392414935483873,2.9513901689708137,92.6042281105991,80.13671274961598,6.227649769585256,21.099078341013826,7.29689223291831,0.4935953917050688,2437,69,546,33,62,797,236,651,0.141,0.782,0.077,-0.9929,0,0,3,0,4,0,58.0,9,5,0,2,40,29,3,0,12,0,46,5,0,7,2,120,109,64,0,18,18,1,6,6,0,6,1,11,0,2,26,48,3,10,16,2,1,10,18,12,2,3,39,17,110,17,61,56,8,76,0,3,0,1,97,24,1,12,47,351,136,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04650748678662482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27184095122512697,0.0,0.0,0.08943704579076181,0.14567397670875426,0.17725737830752825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286885395696052,0.0,0.0,0.07324568963228277,0.0,0.1187679512635519,0.0,0.11858822999337384,0.0,0.0,0.0500964110437679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04643298815337522,0.0,0.0,0.07501186709893022,0.0,0.0,0.0590273120413888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0485820370789944,0.0,0.05150912560868675,0.060090893829792914,0.0,0.03841161720363447,0.0,0.04899910112801864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821655622181751,0.12464038838355893,0.05583906569602915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752892721556168,0.06076842140251424,0.0557887198821481,0.06610300974733592,0.0,0.18605128186897715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05776222212017978,0.057272135746998486,0.0,0.06225740776389201,0.0,0.0,0.12139991274508365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06056072602647417,0.2556889834618999,0.04740505955939645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047307083970265,0.0,0.0,0.10293280203876744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055028796277163256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05457564782209487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06193444787280941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055697557343758065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05846303713482005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980507729210386,0.0,0.05742222488790656,0.0,0.06587963015903442,0.0,0.44255885985150384,0.0924962782932411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621480816738784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04927555387592275,0.1343144366164589,0.11503592448667554,0.06510109710388975,0.0,0.0,0.0928872222172887,0.09724236335469147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745243949792528,0.2337187263652009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727278139794225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173403201355603,0.0,0.0,0.055570734946023125,0.0,0.07896847558276858,0.0,0.11362030089618197,0.0,0.0,0.05022827864605959,0.0640508306967021,0.04798495009814627,0.20581217757033635,0.0,0.04664939035367405,0.0,0.10457880414516242,0.1078227476989269,0.05247691885393683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630679108782543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262498230343085,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CaptainMilky,2020/02/13,"FP (BFF) completely ignoring me and started interacting with my narcissistic ex I thought about posting this in the narcissist abuse sub but I don’t know how they would feel about someone with BPD posting there as there’s too much stigma and people honestly think it’s the same thing. Plus, I feel like the specific dynamic between me and my FP/ my Narc ex is very much different from your average relationships considering BPD complicates things and makes people treat me like I’m overly complicit and I’ve even been told it’s my fault I was abused because of my BPD. I thought it would be better received here. I’m working through very real abandonment cascading inward, whereas usually it’s only perceived abandonment I obsess over. Any and all thoughts/advice is appreciated. My narcissistic ex lies to people about how I feel about them and now my best friend (my absolute FP) is ignoring me and interacting with my ex online instead. I used to be so close to my FP that you could call us platonic soulmates. We used to like each others posts and lift each other up/talk every other day and it just went up in smoke out of nowhere and I’m left with no explanation, only clues that my ex might have something to do with it. You see, my FP doesn’t interact with my social media accounts at all or respond to msgs anymore, but then I noticed him liking and interacting with my ex instead. I met my FP first and introduced him to my ex in the past but they weren’t good friends or anything. It’s hurtful and confusing because my FP knows damned well how badly I was treated by my ex but now I worry that my FP believes I am what my ex makes me out to be. One night when I was feeling very upset, I sent my FP another message. I owned up to my insecurities surrounding our friendship without mentioning my ex and asked FP if we were still friends and I got no response. I did not project or place the blame on my friend and I have never projected or had an outburst with this particular friend so it’s even more confusing. I don’t know that I feel safe mentioning that I know my FP has been interacting with my ex more because I don’t want it to come off as petty nitpicking and controlling and it’s not my goal to tell people who to be friends with, it’s just that in this particular case it makes no sense at all that they’re buddying up. My FP is aware of my ex’s narcissistic behaviors and has been disappointed that my ex once reached out to him disguising requesting a service from my FP as a genuine convo you might have with a friend. How my ex swindles people: “How are you doing buddy? You’re so great at this [insert creative profession] and I would be so honored if you would provide this service for me and btw I’m going to be in town soon. Can’t wait for you to do this for us!” Also my Narc ex has a 1 year long and still going strong smear campaign against me online and in our mutual circle. He’s a musician so that means we’re probably going to hear a concept album about how horrible I supposedly am, mixed with his victim/god complex “poor me” lyrics including the song he already released about how much he supposedly doesn’t care what I have to say (I’ve been silent and he’s grasping at straws but it still affects me.) I haven’t seen many stories in this sub about just how often people with BPD attract narcissists and when you realized the toxicity wasn’t all your fault/how you got out. I would love to hear from you. PS: I’m pretty confident the mutual circle won’t find this sub, but I took a little bit of a risk here mentioning the musician thing and the way I speak would be potentially recognizable to them so please excuse my paranoia. The need to share my story and concerns with people who might understand what I am going through without being invalidating is currently stronger than being found out by people who don’t even care about me anymore.",4.87465545808967,6.150174472368422,5.751257309941522,78.89639376218325,69.40789473684211,9.155945419103316,30.91617933723197,9.492444814028406,2.825606237816765,3109,128,591,67,54,1021,320,760,0.11800000000000001,0.711,0.171,0.995,3,0,2,0,2,0,49.0,6,11,4,8,46,43,1,6,20,0,59,1,0,15,5,136,108,62,0,11,19,15,5,4,7,10,0,5,0,0,42,54,0,7,20,1,2,9,19,15,1,2,23,12,101,28,88,65,15,61,0,4,2,1,81,29,1,12,23,411,143,6,0.0,0.14398072806235904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0593737210200974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704989108990696,0.04858954728092977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04131871112372732,0.06371189188845837,0.0,0.0,0.12051468368694256,0.0,0.0,0.05000009425909855,0.0,0.05680216096409205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05073185034605883,0.11111573244561074,0.0,0.0,0.06845542761472274,0.06376360531655564,0.0537370581430158,0.06633390648261,0.0,0.3060990946116353,0.0,0.06204249446821514,0.0,0.12389722185293316,0.0,0.0,0.052339141527555054,0.0637054381460208,0.0,0.06814722214523297,0.04851171347152068,0.0,0.0,0.03918500992922396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348100298319594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203937184661891,0.0,0.051192706927084115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360976714590452,0.04340677500135389,0.0,0.0,0.05553330749597568,0.05168220928778924,0.0,0.0666199258458476,0.32859980568148084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381246564565455,0.0509623925922132,0.09719023948258296,0.06698783495740146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369613002568883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504456523334944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356787056818392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601564229413706,0.0,0.0,0.11873657208059395,0.060897228096960423,0.0,0.05377046360694398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05483804338634754,0.0,0.12167280767949334,0.061600846276886174,0.0,0.06618517620966669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19336946758810372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399621423139282,0.04505258210571587,0.04686166217866573,0.0,0.0,0.05701890606141481,0.0,0.0,0.06917537404159535,0.0,0.0647071469813248,0.041172376666369255,0.09242105022235067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05800205309126896,0.3369852625605894,0.0,0.06348100298319594,0.0666959557882292,0.0,0.0,0.1745731246500174,0.06181450565867036,0.06550928323054983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691578934568364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523322898260794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048318589091466635,0.0,0.0,0.04841765132652631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061936909846344125,0.051481535990818714,0.04677582126672259,0.0,0.0,0.04300606126313797,0.0,0.14556843599488534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488363826549604,0.05310669648798617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109822712493055,0.0389323921515286,0.0,0.09647290349708357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05805854153083049,0.06750631394244863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632530388577747,0.14617298764842085,0.10495382523290063,0.06691827663788702,0.15039946227996182,0.035837672684565794,0.04822825859538669,0.0,0.0,0.05463030900710642,0.056324893681241474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714045471456393,0.0,0.044233819057734935,0.06170447186413476,0.0,0.25897188355745365,0.0,0.0,0.03912728462465024 bpd,Puggpu,2020/02/13,"What's more romantic than splitting over your Valentine? 💕 Have gone from extreme love and passion to what a complete piece of shit several times today, over this girl I've been seeing for the past few months. I'm on the shit end of it right now, I have to write a Valentine's Day card by the end of the day and I'm hoping I flip over again by then so I can be romantic and not generic and passive aggressive in my message. Lol.",2.8674799357945453,4.268392955056181,3.820256821829858,90.31876404494385,74.50561797752809,6.8834670947030485,27.32102728731942,7.447530270364453,1.3328510433386835,339,13,73,4,7,109,62,89,0.107,0.7,0.193,0.8553,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,3,6,3,0,6,1,5,4,2,0,0,7,11,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,1,5,3,15,8,3,18,0,0,1,2,5,6,2,1,11,47,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25175888843979266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097121636828383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4253461047873312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384911012596927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21671564075134356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19165969414498688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292195586193582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050592432577524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19134275555709535,0.0,0.0,0.27126470638573075,0.4929548317407407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001458877407827,0.0,0.22760354714874845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ShadowLavey,2020/02/13,"I said there are two people inside of me I have embraced my inner duality, however I am so naturally drawn to one person, the darker side of me. The id, the shadow, I love it so much, but I know it will destroy me if I allow it full control, it's the dark passenger as Dexter would put it, whereas the other me is full of light and joy, still psychopathic in nature, but not dangerous like the shadow side, more controlled chaos if that makes sense. I need to continue the balance.",6.568437500000003,5.626359802083333,7.877166666666664,72.78450000000002,65.5625,10.596666666666668,32.74166666666667,9.888512548439397,3.0500316666666665,375,13,72,7,5,130,67,96,0.121,0.752,0.127,-0.1031,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,2,0,7,0,6,1,0,4,0,13,11,8,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,7,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,1,2,12,3,7,8,4,9,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,2,3,55,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6074361460817567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488210927464048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229608535965828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24440181627856164,0.0,0.1807568453836291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19906447003028813,0.20079003944581406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183496766412182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877342013478464,0.2364465456702955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722223837375153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575867455686369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162561362697878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26452602077108633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19236401956881669,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ILoveMyFriendAlex,2020/02/13,"I drove someone off again This time it's really bad, like they want to put a restraining order on me bad :(. The person I am talking about is my best friend. When I was sad I could talk about anything I want with them. Tbh I don't want to get into details about why they left, I have BPD, you might have BPD so you might understand. I really support right now because my best friend was my support and well....I can't talk to them. I'VE tried to look for support on other places, but everone just seems to ridicule me. I just want comfort but people keep making me feel worse about the things I've done. But I can't control it... I want to try again, but with people like me, maybe you will understand what it feels like to lose the ""favorite"" person and how crazy you act because of it. I feel as if everone who doesn't have/ understand BPD are just going to criticize me for somthing I greatly struggle with. Please just comfort me, please don't be mad at me",2.50077110637001,4.381293347150262,2.960963120999697,94.05476988722953,76.66839378238342,5.9919536726607765,23.78817433709235,6.794906146795322,0.5931081377628775,748,24,162,7,17,231,106,193,0.13,0.654,0.21600000000000005,0.895,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,4,4,4,14,20,2,1,4,0,19,0,0,3,0,35,40,11,0,7,9,0,3,3,2,3,0,0,0,2,9,6,0,3,7,0,0,4,5,7,0,0,4,4,31,13,24,31,2,18,0,2,1,0,16,8,0,4,8,106,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082379967286989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401332718118752,0.11974371692381372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20614428588151826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37110067895175547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015814095043618,0.07841787239623778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050956556406547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489836197099275,0.07016587746764807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176362742333988,0.0,0.051314060377964,0.0,0.055818692588246135,0.0,0.0,0.10828402292723796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729932583614787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671249978866272,0.0,0.0,0.14395084236174527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247711207350444,0.10987912541299426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556026729711938,0.0,0.09867166172403763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20838434197346756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618189004188885,0.1715176949755405,0.10261532391437507,0.21562441629347487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873469634974544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583999225571646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387634269071202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941260041294087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321851015343645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267719661061417,0.0,0.0,0.3343647143502682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368280740431128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525066932318183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05727082302235952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336509425411225,0.0,0.0,0.3067404782188429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289653141731042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883084165477122,0.0,0.08862510232688123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009099045215893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lazyboy9898,2020/02/13,"Happiness 19/male Post contains some harsh language as well as a little bit of venting Question for you guys can be found in the second to last paragraph Alright my dudes, long-story extremely shortened. Suffered in life, have almost no money, absolute broke college kid, learning style requires an excessive amount of studying so difficult to find time for other activities (irony is I'm extremely smart even with my terrible learning style), forced to see school therapist (who doesn't help) due to my undiagnosed medical conditions and as part of the rule from returning from a medical leave, not willing to take medication, and yeah... Obviously a self-diagnosis is not accepted yet I have no means of getting a disgnosis myself based on my insurance and financial means as well as my school therapist only being able to do so much. Through my years of analyzation and research as to what the hell's my problem, I stumbled across bpd and well, according to what I know and all the mis-self-diagnosis I've made for myself throughout my life, it's well, been on my mind, I've about had it with my shitty life. All I want is to try to be happy and STAY happy. However, the point of this post was to ask you guys if there are any methods or ways that you manage to stay happy. All I want in my life is to not be completely miserable. Every time I feel like I'm out of my hole, I fall back in after a week or even as long as a month after. There's basically only two things that make me happy in the world at the current moment, talking to my female friend across the usa who I, as much as I try too, keep the friendship alive which has been a success, 3 years so far :) and working out as it gets me a boost through the day. Sleeping for 8 hours also helps. It doesn't make me happy, but it sure as heck makes it less of a shitshow the following day as my emotions are a bit more in check.",7.851463414634146,6.514336382113825,8.074376693766936,73.68603658536584,63.227642276422756,11.452032520325206,36.76016260162602,10.504223727775694,3.691380487804879,1491,60,287,30,18,490,202,369,0.059000000000000004,0.8140000000000001,0.127,0.9574,2,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,0,3,0,3,16,24,1,1,22,2,22,8,1,4,5,47,42,29,0,4,7,0,1,1,1,1,7,0,0,3,16,12,0,3,10,0,2,2,7,7,4,2,6,2,31,17,61,31,12,43,1,3,1,0,14,17,2,6,20,195,47,10,0.07857882133875807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786853388835408,0.0,0.0,0.06283945503485862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05343629309295537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346059059057697,0.0,0.0,0.0604222632283313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17157544233125546,0.0,0.09896727469411977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823883991490492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013536781996064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839059758589866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380114079947103,0.0,0.06620604605467814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03973181309828192,0.05613672566519967,0.0,0.0,0.0718196191282473,0.0,0.0,0.08615762172904215,0.06070980244313029,0.0,0.08210838185650679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561077454012512,0.0,0.501891698894121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533945514580882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738431052049152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984446688463795,0.0,0.0,0.043184865194069166,0.06405222716666338,0.0,0.08320362591163051,0.0,0.0,0.22201018145357448,0.038389642936538175,0.07875662237850034,0.0,0.13907956830699664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435318070714765,0.1573559202545058,0.0,0.0,0.17119074521749528,0.0,0.237479686762546,0.0,0.0,0.07934220924818296,0.0,0.06272086550691189,0.0,0.1155289501581017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952546905085475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509320605963579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428238508477167,0.0,0.1505135793001448,0.0,0.0,0.07518931971956604,0.0,0.0,0.08802626350749349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905192463575438,0.06261714697269542,0.0,0.1639496961209479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863557002377168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750913660450656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405960916962727,0.0,0.059081494391769865,0.06315868007924379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18247213607284735,0.052204277284995486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163988527354372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669972327943217,0.0,0.07676009049865598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269564946531687,0.06237221083563764,0.06303119067651537,0.0,0.282607189282444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05720631780386117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120436926860683 bpd,Romulox88,2020/02/13,"New FP blocked me after telling me they've been seeing someone the whole time we've been talking Just really sad people can't be upfront and honest. I always seem to have things end suddenly in my life and feel mislead by people after they reveal their true intentions. I give so much and try to be as supportive as I can, life is hard sometimes.",9.158921568627447,6.932089205882356,8.694117647058825,73.10186274509806,61.352941176470594,11.419607843137255,37.37254901960785,9.725611199111238,3.5079549019607854,278,10,51,4,3,89,54,68,0.09699999999999999,0.787,0.11699999999999999,0.3415,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,1,1,10,13,6,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,8,3,8,9,2,7,0,1,1,0,5,1,0,1,6,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983207467267517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21110144939798006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051355081427526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286406435366324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135088113802424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366978901479928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520977423001508,0.0,0.0,0.23019347666893186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304745143963022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268884254562196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18992877835381705,0.21697881923424814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20194753298901427,0.0,0.2357276512171892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27046919031640765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19157134315175856,0.20832257885347136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834472007973552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138979914448016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181947815340192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661018200791976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Nausea_,2020/02/13,"New to all of this. Just wanna vent, tell me if you relate. I am not diagnosed and not asking for one. My life/history sucks blah blah blah when I read WebMD or other sites about BPD I pretty much say ""oh shit yes that's me I didn't know it was a thing."" Not the type that's gonna go see a therapist though. Just thought I'd talk about something to people who know full well what I am saying for once. Anyway, it was just this week that I went through a full love and hate cycle with someone. This poor girl. She doesn't seem to be too socially bright and I don't think she even picked up on anything, which is a good thing I guess... but literally I hated her Monday because of something she ""did"" on Sunday after a day of playing footsies at the beach on Saturday and now she just asked me to lunch after days of radio silence and we spoke like nothing happened. I am so embarrassed to reveal my anger or to even point out how I am feeling because I know it's fucking crazy and so I literally did not talk or mention anything about the whole ordeal. But yep... Christ on a cracker.",1.564373464373464,3.674122963963967,2.9094185094185114,92.17651105651106,80.62162162162163,5.477805077805079,21.8026208026208,6.574015621080383,0.3771549549549556,846,26,180,8,22,274,138,222,0.138,0.777,0.086,-0.9274,0,0,2,0,0,0,25.0,1,1,0,0,18,13,6,1,9,2,13,5,1,2,1,36,34,17,0,2,14,0,1,4,0,1,1,3,0,1,15,9,1,0,8,4,1,2,7,7,1,1,8,6,25,6,27,24,5,24,1,0,2,2,20,11,3,6,12,126,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22270403068274475,0.0,0.253000927011081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497249891617236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704234341166896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17453286404542234,0.0,0.0,0.13734101317461214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17874743883724367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841889960918557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250957505824528,0.0,0.0,0.07690214934930975,0.11349508847632875,0.0,0.0,0.1490637908795268,0.0,0.11965785532287206,0.0,0.0,0.26718941647027433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22309535301400554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557638534840747,0.06610765835453565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221263027386442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947146916337887,0.0,0.0,0.13068724856653596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983757567305046,0.0,0.0,0.14410515280278235,0.09169236950708436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380979346762654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791560846403024,0.0,0.0,0.13766313612840994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535076720645398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21521448523299094,0.0,0.0,0.10782785779095803,0.12318491945678488,0.0,0.0,0.13889802971517615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793573467418602,0.1146512395704914,0.20834288592764316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21752077515824764,0.1182705306797247,0.0,0.0,0.15711015664650918,0.17979341631840326,0.08670384311014492,0.13294546463614848,0.10742431978794896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854084852549607,0.0,0.12166367077510587,0.1254375720332461,0.0,0.1510734153197283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Madtramp,2020/02/13,"Geting diagnosed was the worst thing to happen to me. Recently went for the ADHD test and got diagnosed with BPD along with it.But, I won’t start my treatment until next year as we have a shortage of therapists in our country.Healthcare is amazing and free where I live but wait time is painfully long. Feel like it was much better living life in ignorant bliss.Just thinking that I was an asshole and everyone hated me.I deserved it. But now I am told I have a cure for all the pain I felt all my life...it wasn’t me just being a bad person but something really was wired wrong in my head and it can be fixed.But I have to wait.How do you deal with the wait?",1.077524509803922,3.37444209558824,2.6092352941176493,92.50439215686278,83.92647058823529,5.685490196078433,20.83137254901961,7.0316486544052195,0.5179319607843142,519,16,110,7,15,169,88,136,0.209,0.7120000000000001,0.079,-0.9690000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,2,1,0,1,3,11,1,0,8,0,16,6,1,0,2,21,27,9,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,1,5,0,0,1,5,9,0,3,3,0,1,1,2,7,0,0,9,2,15,5,15,15,4,13,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,9,73,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19692495466186766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368142251373696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491870335594084,0.0,0.0,0.20637287108036004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892995788409187,0.0,0.33262396515872794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657292840617726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285130986645102,0.11705987948424458,0.15732896179948538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105186598775387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489870643840724,0.0,0.0,0.16177542509060558,0.1681651379141943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23147489257056456,0.08005253107201075,0.0,0.2893784695149009,0.14500879158713115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045416634294698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17426438273684544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34871201082986103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430741082979375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497135402136523,0.0,0.16178958070341334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261455613804141,0.0,0.0,0.11597923016390753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902512660367169,0.1088596873994739,0.10499331344356123,0.0,0.0,0.09554666574293216,0.0,0.0,0.15657292840617726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189760736851246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791525280681852,0.0,0.1055189016591173 bpd,jackthejohn,2020/02/13,"I feel like I’ve been trying to find myself but I’m 25 and still lost. I’m 25F and I’m in university, I used to go to career coaches to help me find my way, recently I haven’t been going because I thought I already know what I want, but my mind betrays me as soon as I feel confident about my plans. I am so lost, I’m going to stop school indefinitely after this term, and just work and save money. I’m not sure who else can relate but here I am, asking for a friend. Any advice on how to deal with this? I feel like I just can’t find myself. I’m not even sure what I really want anymore, because my mind just seems to jump from thing to another. My mom thinks if I “just really focus” and if I “stay away from distractions” then I can actually stick to one thing, but it’s not that easy in reality. I feel like crying and just breaking down outbof frustration, because I just want to yell at myself. Please help. Any experience, tips, insight, or anything else that might help would be very much appreciated.",2.542583120204604,4.0957135169082175,4.322108553566356,85.76283887468034,75.66666666666666,7.382665529980107,22.804489911906792,8.124751697461798,1.0848672350099458,786,22,169,13,17,266,116,207,0.139,0.67,0.19,0.8939,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,4,13,11,1,1,1,0,11,0,0,2,2,49,35,18,0,6,16,1,4,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,10,7,0,1,12,1,1,4,5,4,0,1,5,5,27,7,24,27,2,20,0,2,0,0,8,6,0,6,10,104,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.109777710366565,0.0,0.0,0.1099276283829569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413969318773435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299926781191298,0.11795954598700155,0.0,0.0,0.11156361042744434,0.0,0.0,0.09257280302453218,0.0,0.1051665069079305,0.0,0.10569161757147776,0.0,0.0,0.2057255084222634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235691446075004,0.0,0.11597615658458775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18794825117567285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430108649534135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004051123377777,0.0,0.0,0.2275209585478641,0.2410967554165747,0.0,0.0,0.3084518546796686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691242211212957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19179843764978774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22620664593507314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06182364431375386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648763486634549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456005182203949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933813258585192,0.2271733164655453,0.13175136574438634,0.0,0.0,0.08269587841039258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762287025987771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348439876377075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14413280324418398,0.0,0.1110740450091644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384971994134313,0.0,0.10241012027942037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990341100061222,0.08983768498590755,0.09404984450830024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21204812911850746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947174923530324,0.07208147751164415,0.0,0.08930750256550847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637589825462188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715851473808453,0.0,0.09281915699658842,0.1990552536017827,0.08929233333104171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189681798268514,0.0,0.0,0.07991235990218068,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,spooky_newt,2020/02/13,"Just diagnosed I’ve been hovering about on this sub for a little while, because the concept of BPD just makes sense of how I’m feeling, but hadn’t actually been diagnosed. Until earlier today that is. I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist every 2 months since about July last year, and we’ve been working on how I’m feeling and what might be the cause. They initially said in the first appointment that it could be BPD or bipolar but it would take more appointments to get a solid conclusion. So I’m not surprised I finally got this diagnosis today. But despite knowing it would be this way, I have this insanely heavy weight on my shoulders about it. I can’t tell if it feels easier now I know what is wrong so I can work on finding appropriate treatment, or it feels much harder because I’m struggling to accept the reality. It’s really scary that it’s real now. I just feel really awful about it and I don’t know why. I know that nothing changes and I’m no less able to do things the way I could before. But I feel bad all the same. I feel guilty almost, like I’ve been lying to the people around me this whole time. I think I just need to be told I’m going to be okay and that I’m not a bad person for this. I don’t know what I need. This is really hard.",2.5251479915433386,4.2612587170542655,4.259605355884428,85.41088794926006,76.17054263565892,7.6366455250176175,23.74277660324172,8.438071523408619,1.4582806201550391,991,31,206,19,22,334,134,258,0.16,0.774,0.065,-0.9833,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,4,15,8,0,1,11,2,25,5,1,4,1,50,55,18,0,7,13,0,9,1,0,3,3,1,0,1,25,6,1,0,16,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,9,11,18,4,21,36,6,22,0,0,1,0,5,7,0,5,13,133,43,2,0.108029245709408,0.0,0.10542096040634208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817568478576024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616893221148974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803998155654957,0.1317072509864958,0.0,0.09192493136879364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721181064559479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097579336884934,0.1142806177937544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250512455846936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21929482079458293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101929877333848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.382359827824275,0.0,0.0,0.11834075824684287,0.09873677346359838,0.09188962121365668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564408221404779,0.0,0.061395509871600876,0.0,0.08640085645322025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967729850492996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968502411652166,0.08805825372452268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05277763268564276,0.10827368450197908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211036037187049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460195797754236,0.0,0.0,0.08622791326612694,0.0,0.07941392560073725,0.1602046337198479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036569748230456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489387682434392,0.09432697047120052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296093222904406,0.20761890314513298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027605511179938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608532223680639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936290839424467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293562327940827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122454836796349,0.0,0.09442232233177092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176983062128453,0.06922077862083077,0.0,0.0,0.06299272192133698,0.0,0.20479818680873604,0.1032265737669586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149717379328133,0.0,0.13155051802581924,0.0,0.0,0.09747959137845223,0.12061079488777758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572931549971114,0.0,0.0,0.15348175328296845,0.11811302146813543,0.0,0.0695672923589107 bpd,Feeling_Box,2020/02/13,"I lied about my identity and most of my life to ex girlfriend. Any advice to get over it? Long story short, 3 years ago I moved away from my hometown and created a whole new identity. Lied about my whole life to literally everyone and I held it together. Then I got into a serious relationship and of course being borderline I slowly destroyed the whole thing. After a bad incident happened, I ran away again (700 miles away). I know none of it was real and that the relationship was never gonna last but I still can’t get over it or let go of her. Anyone ever dealt with anything similar? Currently I’m being brutally honest to everyone and not lying. It’s hard but I’m trying.",2.7024522845575447,5.0476572556390975,4.813533834586469,78.77407750144594,77.94736842105263,8.603585887796411,25.26836321573164,9.265573868473778,2.5342312319259688,537,20,99,15,13,185,87,133,0.113,0.8029999999999999,0.084,-0.4408,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,5,0,6,2,0,0,2,18,17,10,0,0,4,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,7,8,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,5,1,13,1,19,8,5,23,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,2,12,70,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307451448920785,0.1297875834808665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956685267116884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237639381791702,0.0,0.1204866241769433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4126836108099648,0.0,0.12224995726551502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244026026606456,0.0,0.2798105794536054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299102325742445,0.0,0.08321071099291387,0.0,0.1171010178253233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294738222735094,0.0,0.13115859625075993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046555742409878,0.11934732550533468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971870388795347,0.2068337243176178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957218854144353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561539841092112,0.0,0.0,0.11292385670253675,0.14140799656371014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16665170818726294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143886690911879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692677583669142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972712604932776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940580654927823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.490399543078383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428611100621392 bpd,niccthegay,2020/02/13,"Challenge of the day explain to your non-bpd but also depressed FP that you're not trying to manipulate them or to purposefully shove them away when you're throwing a tantrum and that it's just your traumatized brain, without messing it up and making them even more suspicious i already messed it up and have been crying for 3 hours:"")",9.405238095238094,8.176301269841273,8.333333333333332,72.72000000000001,60.11111111111111,10.939682539682536,40.04761904761904,9.725611199111238,3.8438190476190486,272,12,48,4,3,84,50,63,0.315,0.67,0.016,-0.9747,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,3,1,4,5,1,0,2,0,2,1,1,2,0,11,4,7,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,6,1,9,3,1,7,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,3,35,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33005616274133753,0.2391842740412231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810073783315392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3766967065265003,0.33388629917284285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285392178366585,0.19289000778358786,0.0,0.2576080502973372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754786616942946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945460001802511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19964665793321693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20306426781417264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883146292737553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kltq1045,2020/02/13,"How do 3rd-Shift jobs effect those with BPD? I haven't worked since October, and the job I was recently offered is a third-shift position. I'm extremely nervous to begin working again (in general) even though I haven't agreed to take the spot. Generally speaking, I tend to be more ""in my head"" at night, but I also feel as if I become more ""alive"" during the dark. I struggle with insomnia, as well. The hours I would be working are: Mondays 11:00-8:30, Tuesdays: 11:00-7:30, Wednesdays 11:00-6:30, Thursdays 11:00-6:30, and Fridays 11:00-8:30.",6.852607260726074,7.241699425742572,6.396782178217823,79.18283003300331,64.64356435643565,9.505610561056104,34.65511551155116,9.2995712137729,3.0667610561056105,426,18,78,7,6,132,72,101,0.07,0.9,0.031,-0.3407,2,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,0,4,6,3,0,2,5,0,9,2,1,2,0,12,14,9,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,2,9,1,10,10,2,12,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,9,46,10,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308891347532854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23904363185232505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726016327945087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295816751206214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943978358455728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22213235167267964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131521704094844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4295713796841451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031165353457737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137107636192919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17904339447901332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262725969072265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273775234201746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21265356446006267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19460771622732773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4727179470494409,0.0,0.0,0.1537544748271808,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rutan2828,2020/02/13,"I feel sorry for my ex Just found out im borderline. Even though my ex cheated and eventually got a new girl behind my back (he could never really dump me but i understand why) i feel so sorry for him. I want to wright and apologize for everything. I think about him everyday and since i found out about the other girl my life has fallen apart. I stopped everything school everything isolated myself became so scared. I backed from him the second i found out about the other girl (i jumped in his taxi cab after a party thought me and him where going to his place and there she was. very traumatizing to say the least) he is a coward. But i still love him and he still loves me........ we have contact sometimes but since i have isolated myself from the world completely he is very worried. Aaaawwwhhhhhh this is killing me how do i get closure. We were best friends since 7 years old. He is my only true friend. :(",1.894851190476192,4.555790232954545,3.0319805194805234,88.252196969697,84.17045454545455,6.534199134199136,20.88095238095238,7.793537801064563,1.067033874458874,715,22,141,14,21,229,103,176,0.19899999999999998,0.624,0.177,-0.5821,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,2,0,0,1,15,10,3,1,8,0,11,3,0,1,2,29,25,13,1,2,4,2,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,3,3,11,0,1,8,0,0,3,1,4,0,1,7,3,34,6,17,17,2,22,0,0,0,2,27,8,0,0,11,98,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18971522602008398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946060303056472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934250498801148,0.0,0.0,0.09849436287189364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147930843593652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326089064762378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475086995076234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4057795539181481,0.19061804832780005,0.0,0.06445145129364575,0.0,0.07010935638551145,0.0,0.09866370439402763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332519178790403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364815591350856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713409077805727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22267768990062228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951442286637688,0.11914359952639515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944746215994798,0.0,0.0,0.09382221123714482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888682950704827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902873083831252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810225833863244,0.1235066869704174,0.12484873215181468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30613847846661185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200797902849132,0.2761868807722988,0.0,0.0,0.19703379289335748,0.10313599235892924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904526320833168,0.12120234660381185,0.097935493145642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842398909832525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20357281645303613,0.07276198850304444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131484088264217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527990061972408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079440957538525 bpd,Hatehim95,2020/02/13,"My wishes I wish I was a normal human being. I wish I was delusional like everyone else. Then I wouldn't be thinking the way I do. I wish I felt real. Why is it only temporary only when talking to someone. I use them as a distraction.. I wish I wasn't garbage. I wish I died before my mum. I wish I shall perish now so God can magically make sense why I am the way I am. I wish I was a child because I didn't always have such a warped way of thinking. That only began at 15. I wish I didn't have BPD. Psychiatrists,Psychologists only look at you as a lab rat and money.",-0.3032404181184667,1.7217404471544742,3.0900871080139365,88.55652439024394,87.6178861788618,5.790708478513357,19.3548199767712,7.1686216300943375,0.4872234610917538,437,13,97,7,14,159,71,123,0.0,0.716,0.284,0.9806,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,1,7,0,17,0,0,2,0,18,33,6,1,11,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,8,2,26,1,6,21,0,9,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,5,64,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040491633537438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05157938892372537,0.0,0.07199955585351818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656729634056478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781508766027124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068342680937288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808514877610725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124189001814368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041337709539551536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105373292615645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05647993250473445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290291876822986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574084437498258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963082852061954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716924446831407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800884228939574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843337584968656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307859181916848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20148593247862293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527004084642398,0.0,0.8757084870549476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_FatSatsuma_,2020/02/13,"Have an appointment to set up an assessment for suspected BPD. Can anyone give me some advice? Hey there guys. This is my first post here, until now I’ve been a lurker lol. I’ve been struggling with my mental health for a long time, since I was a kid in school and basically for as long as I can remember. I’m now 22 and a couple of months ago I came across information about BPD and that lead to me finding this sub. After reading through the symptoms of BPD I feel like I can relate to them pretty well and feel there is a possibility that this is a condition I may have. I’m scared though and struggle with doctors and appointments, and I get so scared of being like turned away and if my feelings/what I’ve been going through get disregarded. I don’t want to go and them just send me away saying “oh you’re fine.” so I’m not sure how it’s going to go at all and not sure what I should bring up or what they will ask me. Some things I experience often are below: I have on and off relationships with people, I go from loving them to hating them very quickly. Feels like it’s always either one extreme or the other. I can become obsessive with people to the point where I’m overly clingy and push people away, or I become so detached suddenly that I just shut them off completely. My friendships rarely last long. I have awful trust issues, I get very paranoid and I also convince myself of irrational things even with no evidence, for example, my old best friend lent me her phone because mine broke, but I convinced myself after a while of using it that she had malicious intent and was spying on me through it. For no reason. It’s like I think of crazy scenarios and convince myself they could be true and then that gets in the way of my relationships and I can become accusatory or I just put up my walls out of false fear. I feel like people are plotting against me at times without anything to indicate that they might be. I have self harmed- physically hurt myself, I smoke, drink excessively, either overeat or under eat. I struggle with thoughts of suicide and self harm. I feel I have no purpose and don’t fit in, I feel like nobody truly understands me and I am not really sure who I am or who I’m meant to be. I act In certain ways to please people. I get very lonely. I constantly worry about being alone and fear that everyone around me will just suddenly die, I have like an unhealthy fixation on death and being left alone. I tend to “swap personalities” depending on who I’m with and even change my voice too. I feel scared sometimes that if certain people are together, I will be caught up in a lie because I may have a different sort of personality for each of those people. For instance, I talk to my mum in a different voice to how I talked to an old best friend and she noticed and started to mock me for it and question it, but I can’t stop. I overreact and tend to be explosive. I blow things out of proportion and things always feel like “the end of the world”. I get quite bad mood swings often and get stressed/anxious very easily. It feels like stress and anxiety sort of dominate my life. I do and say things that later shock me. It’s like I am a totally different person from one day to the next. Im not asking for a diagnosis from reddit, I will be seeing a professional soon. But I guess I am just hoping that somebody can maybe shed some light on this for me as to whether these are things they can relate to and sort of break down how this assessment will work, will I be like quizzed? Is it ok to take a list of how I’ve been feeling? I have been tired of not knowing and feeling this way, it will kind of feel good to put a name to the way I feel and try to then go from there and finally get the right help if that makes sense. I sort of gave up on getting help a long time ago because I felt like they’d see my problems as unimportant and my GP would always rush me out of her office and prescribe anti depressants that I couldn’t keep taking as they made me sick. But this time I am going to be referred to a psychiatrist and be properly assessed. Thanks in advance if anyone reads this or offers any advice.",5.430938628158847,5.57752129843562,6.014543682310473,81.54331732851983,67.66425992779784,9.199143200962695,29.135042117930197,9.010732273442466,2.136523446450061,3273,104,667,53,50,1065,350,831,0.16399999999999998,0.705,0.13,-0.9869,3,4,2,0,0,3,64.0,0,0,11,7,33,56,2,10,30,3,68,10,0,11,8,148,134,72,3,11,29,1,14,12,2,12,6,4,0,7,45,51,3,3,26,3,0,18,13,21,1,3,15,21,103,34,115,92,10,102,0,4,2,1,48,42,0,27,47,467,148,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312179076164324,0.08447382984672795,0.0,0.0,0.09869753729917423,0.0,0.038103942092210574,0.11894040235540465,0.0,0.0,0.032402149517478614,0.0,0.03645044963692628,0.0,0.0,0.0666329231175743,0.0,0.03921009358738164,0.042416659111708166,0.0890885539465669,0.0,0.13430007780841965,0.0,0.039783936998639365,0.08713700109535365,0.15786981134833322,0.0,0.0,0.10000688874605686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800322728074302,0.0,0.0,0.054496409199076536,0.0,0.0,0.050405072579707284,0.0,0.049957829655012775,0.05149036305015641,0.0,0.03804290478825314,0.05272140330647468,0.0,0.030728900201378362,0.0,0.04103899501906739,0.0,0.04945091149333041,0.1493454825361068,0.0,0.04876955977692635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04667672101030587,0.0,0.048755612148081384,0.0,0.0,0.04220182329822771,0.0,0.0,0.06294186758835467,0.0,0.0,0.04552953110796375,0.0,0.04660870798884996,0.0,0.10723408215961593,0.3131981835422256,0.20423766019038567,0.04574937655793826,0.05219585458782586,0.043549241584435884,0.04052920885460338,0.0,0.0,0.07362517053782038,0.0,0.22404616042810324,0.045708127844897486,0.18955546737696347,0.039964728318765984,0.0,0.0,0.05248944235950905,0.04717883007349272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047042354793666835,0.0,0.05064740142773571,0.0,0.0,0.0638746548116041,0.0,0.0,0.04732503342704203,0.0,0.0,0.051007973643691334,0.0,0.05146781883667608,0.04973194172436373,0.0,0.04235156909233612,0.0,0.04961786922957638,0.026185994160864763,0.03883933037741611,0.0,0.0,0.05176949265677027,0.0,0.033655062306378554,0.2793397996051445,0.0,0.0,0.1686672748527081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04300401519615751,0.045085516582936684,0.03180528788226085,0.0,0.047868636543706815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048017792715359116,0.050546804183887455,0.0,0.0,0.038032032994604316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05067399400134283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05424735553612504,0.0999967375683624,0.0,0.06457478795690462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312309785324871,0.12481270799757467,0.0,0.052302994766463946,0.045042588261965416,0.05371575452473576,0.04563343767512484,0.04847495965456395,0.0,0.0455925259529663,0.0,0.09579843313144157,0.05337645982802637,0.05067931853437622,0.09532142248200744,0.0,0.03052441170393456,0.04898989167556167,0.0,0.10231184766015552,0.05397568834783889,0.0406909754302737,0.0,0.0757829131468842,0.14311133133292098,0.0482221346653429,0.07593828243429142,0.0,0.09941412960317177,0.0,0.0,0.03941476665513621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04712490942882774,0.0,0.03372537016058637,0.0,0.0,0.03983570859436855,0.054580413462805545,0.14943553153973654,0.0,0.05211897831547903,0.0,0.13472251108507274,0.049524325953862185,0.07165045717778566,0.07659502097925452,0.0,0.04386770826735206,0.0,0.0,0.1899305546997235,0.030530797240733057,0.04681373834519655,0.037827044436808656,0.1111353012168205,0.05476415643918911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03234974010228957,0.0518271425516332,0.0,0.0496030579552021,0.0,0.0411524155175655,0.0,0.15725775664689046,0.028103917017317837,0.15128247745152534,0.0,0.0,0.042841109814236576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045930795334357635,0.0,0.0346881783060935,0.04838867110960325,0.0,0.033847642160329434,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ImaStillInsane,2020/02/13,"Asked the girl i am in love with out for valentines day she didnt even respond. Its been 2 weeks and every day since then its been more painful the closer it gets to tomorrow. She read the snap, saved it but never responded. The pain is unbearable. I have tried not to self harm and i havent so far. Its so hard to date as a guy with BPD. I have been so close to breaking down every day. Barely keeping myself togheter. I just want to feel loved. I am 23 and feel like a bitter old man. I just needed to talk and get it out i suppose, and you guys are the only ones that know how i feel and what i am going through. To all of you who has a partner, i hope you have a good time with your partner tomorrow, i really mean it.",1.0443506493506511,2.699815383116885,2.5688311688311707,96.23753246753249,80.23376623376623,5.698701298701298,20.090909090909093,6.5431188927421005,-0.03131948051948008,555,14,132,5,14,181,96,154,0.05,0.7659999999999999,0.184,0.9701,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,4,0,0,7,10,1,0,9,0,14,4,0,1,2,29,29,13,0,3,4,0,4,1,2,0,2,0,0,7,10,12,0,1,5,1,0,1,4,4,0,1,4,5,19,6,18,25,2,20,0,0,0,2,20,7,0,1,12,90,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490701132658059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008296248322429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085083614422934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531938071623582,0.0,0.26869761609343795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241877685621675,0.11391561088750925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661866839104292,0.0,0.09062268861476094,0.13374437709896594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157736086735435,0.0,0.0,0.14284152226741534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583760826897801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173208390756334,0.0,0.0,0.08763301103482038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790229257315102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878310684005744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369465433417852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823482422898762,0.12298252690093403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673225609259234,0.0,0.10805171403528126,0.12127369972332508,0.3393454863657355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594994487683922,0.0,0.10215178737342084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634769455405907,0.0,0.0,0.13190389717517434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816493193752482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298024946143664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826035910426908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405145571219196,0.0,0.12790622370291727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,suprataste,2020/02/13,"Constantly pushing my fiancé to cry Hey everyone, this is my first post to this community. I have been diagnosed with BPD back in 2014, one year before I met my now fiancé. Our relationship is healthy, we love each other to pieces and we grew so much together. I get really emotional when talking about him, he’s my life. In the last two years my BPD has gotten a lot worse. I quit my primary therapy and medication because it destroyed me. It really changed me and I didn’t like it, no one liked it. I can think much clearer since I quit. During the last 12 months I saw a new pattern within me emerging. I’m constantly manipulating my fiancé into feeling bad for stuff he never did. I pick ""fights"" (we never fight) just to push his buttons even though he did nothing wrong. I would come up with stuff like ""I know you’re cheating. Why don’t you just love me like I love you? Who is your sidechick, am I not good enough? You don’t love me"" up until the point where he starts crying. Suddenly I see clearly and I see his wet eyes. He looks so sad and crushed then. At that moment I start hating myself so much. I see his innocent face and suddenly I hear what I’ve been saying to him for the last couple of minutes. I can’t control this behavior, though I’m really trying. He’s so innocent and I’m grateful to have him. I don’t know why I keep doing this to innocent people. I feel so alone and evil. There’s so many things I do to people, like manipulating them. But manipulating someone doesn’t make me feel this much hatred for myself. It’s the feelings I’m hurting of people that are so incredibly close to me. This illness is a life sentence.",1.8918502673796769,4.206952587878789,3.678324420677363,85.9780748663102,80.6969696969697,6.791443850267379,23.34224598930481,7.928766900206844,1.3374598930481278,1294,45,261,24,34,433,176,330,0.163,0.6920000000000001,0.145,-0.8706,0,1,0,0,2,0,41.0,4,4,1,4,20,20,6,0,8,0,23,11,2,6,3,40,53,21,0,1,4,0,5,5,0,1,5,2,0,0,19,17,0,2,7,0,0,4,10,10,0,4,8,13,54,10,25,44,8,37,0,2,6,4,34,10,0,1,27,172,73,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901391888600137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692244693751953,0.07266831389814718,0.05305406675359885,0.0,0.07405805540136919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21922820614116426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206860639273412,0.07497059814967684,0.0,0.18810193998579344,0.09761409639814704,0.0,0.09629955639525432,0.19120173371700275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833592664041864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789959463061494,0.0,0.08992760479053792,0.0,0.05748399651098636,0.0,0.0,0.08316306800662088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17602453213334548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402960826100774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04547077132110119,0.0,0.0,0.07299854266362785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592635275817738,0.0,0.0,0.09809169871663408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316984993654474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735828450025459,0.0,0.0,0.09566132399022498,0.2128287593726416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294693871173487,0.2125978658447672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730851909729143,0.0,0.0,0.07399172750806092,0.3142001029472717,0.0,0.05809471907036535,0.08823706612522624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767586033670965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946833119937622,0.0,0.2559149433872149,0.0,0.13424931098547094,0.08405631308059759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350981469200723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795064327894765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810116623365841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822736307549815,0.0,0.08335286106402491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185139073969788,0.0,0.0,0.16726531097213854,0.0,0.0,0.09344009193360968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921155793181237,0.0,0.0,0.20806036409908246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199399686400118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374216378508662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320378374038315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19926226411201892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995324554915212,0.0,0.0,0.09952899087139072,0.0,0.0578203759649728,0.05576676731430963,0.17101753569189582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908920146231522,0.0,0.0850178859388841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706618153122665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869332312878296,0.06182523075338424,0.09515612965124016,0.0,0.1120918626736869 bpd,mirrorsoflove,2020/02/13,"I feel like I've lied to myself all my life and deep down I'm a psychopath. Hey, everyone! I'm sorry if this post is terrible, but these are the only thoughts cycling through my head right now. So, I grew up with either a BPD or/and N mom. The experiences I remember from my childhood with my mother always bring forth the emotion of not being enough and constantly being stressed to fill her needs. As I grew older, I found some really good and understanding friends who have also been through a lot. I understood that my mom's behaviour wasn't normal and allowed myself to accept love from others. I also developed into a listener-type of person. I've been told that I'm great at resolving problems and supporting others. I liked to think of myself as an extreme empath who was just so sensitive to others' emotions and due to my experiences in childhood, liked to help others out of pure love. My first signs of BPD started arising in young adulthood when I realised I just couldn't be in a relationship. I knew there was the happy and wholesome-seeming side of me that people loved and then there was the broken child. I finally got into a long-term relationship when I was 24 and we're still together 4 and a half years later. And this is the point where I realised I most certainly have BPD. I split like a m-fucker, I project my emotions to the whole relationship, I feel there's never enough love in the world for me (my SO is so understanding and stable, and yet I feel like I'm not loved enough), I feel like there's an empty void in my soul (I'm currently also suffering from pretty severe depression, so that's also contributing), I used to be very rage-y and impulsive with my SO (it has gotten a bit better), and I just generally feel like I'm so insecure in my relationship although everything is fine. I've seen a therapist and she's helped me with my anger issues. However, as of lately I've been wondering if I've also inherited some narcissistic traits from my mother. I crave validation for everything I do, I was told I was special from an early age, I have very high expectations of people, I can put up a front with people when I feel like I need to, and I crave compliments because I feel like something's lacking in me. Lastly, this brings me to the point I brought up in the topic. All the listening-and-giving-support behavior or feeling love seems like a complete sham because I find myself looking at other people like mirrors. When they affirm my belief that I'm a good person (by opening up to me), I feel connected. When I feel love, it's often as a reaction to some kind of behavior or information. However, I find myself lacking in mature love where I just love the person, even when they're distant or not available. When I think about it, I truly hate myself. It's even like that with my younger brother - I find I have to control my time with him because I fear that my constant splitting will hurt him. I look at him and see a completely pure human being and I don't want to ruin him. He's going through puberty and I'm trying to impose some kind of wisdom, so that he doesn't make some incredibly stupid mistakes regarding alcohol and drugs. Basically - I find him annoying and endearing at the same time. He annoys me because I feel like I can't give anything right now and he's a needy teenager, but when I look at the big picture, I'm proud of him being such a kind and gentle person. I really think the world is a better place with him in it. However, my poor SO doesn't get the same kind of overall benefits. Maybe because we spend so much time together and the dynamic between me/SO and between me/family member is very much different. I feel like a manipulative piece of shit. I've had many physical and mental health issues during the last 4 years and he just keeps supporting me. Meanwhile, I keep drifting farther away. No joy, no love, no libido. Just the occasional talk where I covertly crave affirmation. I read about BPD experiences from people who have dated pwBPD and I feel like I'm the monster they're describing. The woman who's seemingly showing love and can fool a person for a very long time, but in the end is really a manipulative child who destroys lives. I know DBT works for some with BPT, but is it even possible to learn emotional maturity as an adult? And by saying 'leaning emotional maturity' I don't only mean thought processes like 'this is unhealthy' because I already know and use that technique. I wish I could truly love someone without policing myself and manipulating people, regardless of the positive affects the manipulation may have on my friends. I'm so tired of holding it together and telling myself that true and pure love is there, when I can't even give it to the person who showers me with love and safeness. I don't want to be someone who fucks up the life of another person without having any clue about what I'm doing. I don't want to be a soulless being who's only capable of loving like a dog who's been thrown a bone. What the hell do I do? Is there any way out?",5.148066065611033,6.1895849451776686,6.2562724448821925,76.39318812031217,68.58375634517766,9.332373664671566,31.046670202288052,9.563632477884873,2.9195261004621567,4021,161,739,85,67,1345,388,985,0.115,0.643,0.24100000000000002,0.9994,7,0,3,0,0,0,102.0,1,0,1,7,53,79,9,3,56,0,59,25,3,10,8,163,147,77,0,17,21,5,13,17,2,2,6,1,1,12,39,52,1,5,39,2,3,10,19,20,0,2,23,19,112,59,102,111,23,97,3,4,5,16,74,44,3,18,58,496,151,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038870684553900116,0.0,0.0,0.040137486974066855,0.1454336680762855,0.030264478419153574,0.0,0.0,0.04946851374568394,0.03813928985115228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02993111695492044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034172759853110336,0.0,0.0,0.13303246854403766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433628559807293,0.039708883401684034,0.0,0.18323741057645945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627085300808292,0.07861057893529302,0.04079437261882247,0.02904014064604392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03132721315471181,0.0,0.0,0.038001074855172616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04218005727920659,0.0,0.0,0.20456843273451586,0.03221486085043772,0.1127462227457462,0.0,0.09609364466064076,0.0,0.0,0.03475507441618817,0.0653777478057959,0.10673659986220613,0.03428835336689472,0.040928694132292484,0.23908056839445535,0.23385794579147606,0.0,0.039843828088515464,0.13297366304489644,0.030938066689744362,0.0,0.03988010065915706,0.05620194670748352,0.03362539537132013,0.01900290692619145,0.06978281330888507,0.02067108726503432,0.06101433829607365,0.02909006940822478,0.04010033885690198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03871874801519744,0.0,0.03590989192683866,0.03732824021311327,0.0386618127349793,0.0,0.0,0.04875886764617545,0.03842909206084616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03893705638218999,0.0,0.0,0.07592598884417094,0.0,0.06465833930756272,0.0,0.15150366766197476,0.03997828018762685,0.05929618797703385,0.0410292825689897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051381341580960936,0.3020824797100564,0.0,0.03211720680200368,0.06437628003658685,0.09163014226877983,0.0,0.0,0.03092223576359932,0.4924082387735967,0.0,0.024278641142933155,0.03687557317154539,0.03654063603978109,0.039619850305643536,0.0,0.0,0.0366544947534392,0.0,0.0,0.08519706454217857,0.0,0.0,0.053475317318314466,0.05393886248052241,0.028052384943581976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035636908990761794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298780145194551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129489436837645,0.22231083828345144,0.038001074855172616,0.0,0.06876673090395659,0.04100404727213063,0.03483439173806989,0.03700347420932263,0.0,0.03480316167895193,0.0,0.036563979371348115,0.0,0.0,0.03638191577202085,0.0,0.06990264391906169,0.0,0.0,0.1561999780166611,0.04120246836598754,0.062123103169805335,0.0,0.028924532295861814,0.0,0.0,0.02898383305093684,0.09933530758397248,0.0,0.041090089559985284,0.03733541022555968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06163587879555815,0.028000998752956557,0.0,0.04071555786726375,0.02574434045598264,0.0,0.029046784459577375,0.0,0.04166408670161602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238237921419549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02923449450567538,0.03179079494199406,0.0,0.0,0.042230780098376434,0.0,0.06991726716256222,0.0,0.057750726280411224,0.0848353929869591,0.041804347333831184,0.0,0.06951014883237634,0.0,0.024694250022767348,0.0,0.0,0.07572922138888442,0.0,0.06282758591681231,0.0,0.1200430775758526,0.06435957302132705,0.028870458544945368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04060812055221062,0.04182608890186259,0.07012276081011905,0.039443961609942964,0.02647930231329373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04684484497809748 bpd,friendlypoo1234,2020/02/13,"DAE feel like your BPD makes you unable to love fully? Looking back in my life, in my earliest relationships (and even not so early ones) I gave myself completely to my partner. So much where it was clearly unhealthy, and I’d always end up getting crushed in the end. For a while I continued this pattern of behavior, feeling like I lost more and more of myself each time it happened. When I finally was diagnosed with BPD, I recognized this pattern and started approaching relationships in a different way. Instead of giving myself fully, which again was unhealthy and I acknowledge that, I feel like every relationship I’ve had since then I’ve just had one foot out the door, loving the person as much as I can while still being prepared at all times for them to leave me at any time so if they do leave me, I won’t lose myself again. I don’t allow myself to give myself fully to another person anymore but I also don’t feel like I love as hard as I used to. It’s hard for me to find a good balance without either letting my relationship devour every part of what makes me myself or being distant to the point where it hardly feels like a romantic relationship to me. It’s like the emotional version of moving into a house you bought but not unpacking everything fully because you always want to be prepared in case you have to move again. Of course I love my partner and give as much of myself to him as I can but if I’m not prepared for him to leave me and he does, I could be in for a bad emotional time - to put it mildly. Anyone else struggle with this?",5.657709583404768,6.0981441074918585,6.50897308417624,77.17545345448313,67.20846905537461,9.199314246528372,31.14160809189097,9.134995656068208,2.6544175895765467,1239,46,229,21,19,411,152,307,0.075,0.75,0.17600000000000002,0.9855,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,5,2,2,15,15,0,1,11,0,18,7,1,4,2,39,42,27,0,4,12,0,8,6,2,1,2,0,1,4,12,12,0,0,7,0,1,4,7,4,0,2,8,9,44,11,46,27,10,38,0,2,1,4,27,14,0,3,25,176,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061652984523400865,0.12829872506592774,0.0,0.0,0.05242736349671307,0.08084101425858252,0.0,0.0,0.07645769866135127,0.05390673972492432,0.0789931186648558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05928143166771089,0.06437125182799609,0.04699650381708256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941973510640728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083282540923345,0.0,0.0,0.061554224874146427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824998096418971,0.0,0.08054805021797377,0.0,0.0,0.06746650819499454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644031270468034,0.17344339291149372,0.13656688603864006,0.0,0.0,0.050920636753382834,0.0,0.1299120220091138,0.0,0.06928817320916476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19490818759298476,0.275384046274037,0.0,0.08445399710353743,0.07046359431561129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0402790475588351,0.22187015389081016,0.0,0.06466377600921487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817500966973586,0.0,0.2071864044171508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895748229499066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448979796741548,0.0,0.07883504098411047,0.054454602898775115,0.2259888530712747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474053106019029,0.0862497819434652,0.08415849191873824,0.0,0.27832562593304944,0.0,0.10292325748459467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638799427580503,0.17002147549221386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448337321305133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348656291387407,0.0,0.0,0.13463306825098453,0.0,0.0,0.07287986083667082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750194587381301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4138568356711837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377392640115657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054568362494484594,0.0,0.061568307271241025,0.0,0.0,0.08059661728236217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17981926881326055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658547902642571,0.0,0.0,0.04547273236775795,0.061194562352692335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743169986728363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheSpoonSwindler,2020/02/13,"Paranoid that my friend is going to abandon me, then my brain decides to hit me with a dream where she actually did abandon me. Like really Brain? Day is just starting and you gotta go ahead and ruin it? Ffs I hate that a stupid dream is all it takes to ruin my day.",0.6468452380952385,2.763579517857142,2.5892857142857157,93.12238095238096,84.17857142857143,5.161904761904762,20.047619047619047,6.42735559955562,0.08017619047619108,207,6,46,2,6,69,39,56,0.349,0.524,0.127,-0.9581,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,2,8,2,0,2,0,4,2,2,0,1,8,11,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,1,2,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,9,2,5,8,1,8,0,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,30,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.27961884392404873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6397402605412154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695854071909352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22137782717897134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256912368518277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828960317111827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998753739033193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835629823217098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20281241082142976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21544021440670336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pillboxhat,2020/02/13,"Anniversary of my friends death is triggering me It's about to be a year since my best friend in the world passed away. I haven't seen her family in months despite them being my neighbor, because they trigger me so much and make me so sad by being a reminder of her. I honestly have nothing to really live for. I've already been hospitalized in January and neither hospitalization was helpful except on the upside I now have plenty of pills to actually kill myself with this time. I am seriously at my wits end. I've lived a tragic life and now I'm done. I have no kids or anyone who loves me aside from family and they're strong so it will be ok if I do this. I usually react on impulse, but I have a plan this time. Going to buy a one way ticket to Hawaii and just make it look like I'm missing instead of my family thinking I killer myself. I just really can't take the crying 3 times a day anymore. I'm so fucking sad and hopeless. Some people aren't meant to live and I'm one of them.",3.3702601626016246,4.463753473170733,5.1663414634146365,82.36430894308944,72.8048780487805,8.198373983739838,26.349593495934965,8.648137234880735,1.808359349593496,782,26,161,14,15,268,125,205,0.156,0.742,0.10099999999999999,-0.9276,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,3,3,10,16,2,0,9,1,18,4,0,5,0,22,33,14,2,1,6,0,0,1,3,1,2,0,1,1,7,8,0,0,2,1,1,2,5,8,0,2,5,2,26,8,24,23,4,21,0,5,2,2,12,8,1,3,11,110,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.14267514362051253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16134102720328553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499622999430384,0.1022300457409564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736455848953158,0.0,0.0,0.08912530713973034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534332929215835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059950052764668,0.09429023150051934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961863772907005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949437378026996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41348763241443376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259154844065948,0.13516431242520555,0.0,0.0,0.0830917604508778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097998235370164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175434495870555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326902672196822,0.07142845497091233,0.0,0.3873054986987829,0.0,0.12277550980359075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319558631036089,0.0,0.19518615620512966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669956204081065,0.0,0.1074776135303758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028779204003688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981447974268982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136024744057832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873255357086975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094241733666218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992808317475053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368236158334782,0.0,0.0,0.25576020971157104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610243255571155,0.0,0.0,0.11605084893533373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415132806929588 bpd,Reasonable_Essay,2020/02/13,"Hey, do I even exist? DAE ever feel like an afterthought in the lives of those around you? I feel like I'm consciously thinking about the feelings of others while no one else seems to remember me at all. I am quiet BPD and high functioning. On the outside I seem calm and put together, but on the inside there's a constant raging war screaming at me that no one cares. And I'm not really sure how much of this is imagined. Probably some, but there's definite truth behind it. I think I come off as passive because out of fear of rejection I'd rather just appear aloof, and maybe I've given off the impression that I don't care, when I really just want someone to reach out and connect and understand me.",6.0927142857142815,5.9439004142857135,6.659285714285716,78.48821428571429,66.28571428571429,10.428571428571429,31.785714285714285,10.125756701596842,3.0165,558,20,109,12,8,183,97,140,0.20800000000000002,0.653,0.139,-0.9521,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,11,13,2,1,7,0,4,0,0,1,4,36,20,12,1,2,6,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,10,0,0,12,0,0,3,4,5,0,2,1,5,12,8,20,19,3,19,0,1,0,0,2,11,0,4,7,75,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897112571188972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201099769272742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21076318366612365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412355460671085,0.0,0.0,0.1441515416789477,0.0,0.18083879087918087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979395723023666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105287529170081,0.15137170707725867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883078755911469,0.2538415889687676,0.23910035025936216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17680751463714542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351108768262854,0.0,0.14776730875552352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681189613125599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301667099646404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267924691855644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804245139747848,0.0,0.0,0.1682263611030931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144089642351463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18956747708666674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30468633540842904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417895396157717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771919614744032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144538173954408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421040546540548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870348685306372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hugeflipper,2020/02/13,"How can I tell my friend with BPD that I font want her to kill herself? So my friend (and flatmate) has bpd. I know when shes bad she starts to think that everyone wants her to kill herself. My other roommate told me shes been having those thoughts again. Would it be helpful for me to tell her explicitly that I do not want her to kill herself, and that I care about her very much? Or would such a conversation be potentially triggering? What's the best way to let her know this?",3.804447717231227,4.916648237113408,4.1689248895434465,89.85453608247423,71.78350515463919,7.604712812960236,26.228276877761417,7.957251820313856,1.212120471281296,377,12,84,5,7,118,62,97,0.153,0.6709999999999999,0.17600000000000002,-0.5204,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,3,0,2,0,12,0,0,2,1,17,22,6,3,5,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,22,4,9,14,2,4,0,0,0,0,19,0,0,1,3,63,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419265097339658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686634170581696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4048368893140809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386250979682396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535727466379795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483403493519616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772575448569767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5334313047433152,0.0,0.17665260102038194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434484088521542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814607644870885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137568870336526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809488846769835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298147763016392,0.0,0.12759198195084195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535727466379795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260901787634313,0.2843865699429809,0.12757030994530275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283386297765781,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,karlpopcorn,2020/02/13,"so. i read these posts like ""that hit"" ""ooft felt that one"" ""bro me"" and then i realised you all have the same problems as me and we all know better than anyone &#x200B; that shit fuck you up onto a whole other spectrum &#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/q51hqovemog41.png?width=794&format=png&auto=webp&s=fe22206f71508d26c3059542afacc93a05098c2b",13.939855072463772,19.70942269565217,4.843478260869572,73.99246376811597,61.17391304347826,3.936231884057971,20.71014492753623,5.46131890053228,-0.03987246376811582,308,6,36,1,6,68,38,46,0.184,0.7140000000000001,0.102,-0.6597,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,1,2,0,1,1,5,2,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,2,9,5,5,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,7,2,4,3,4,4,0,0,0,1,4,2,2,0,2,28,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7635406602864198,0.34251438253454225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098548332024398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464973252243115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532423732891272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029650375468965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745678641173775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885603000022071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550440452317048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498129624263094,0.0,0.0,0.13486028153127408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409778642791854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446726013156921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573541685851789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34251438253454225,0.0 bpd,magicalcats222,2020/02/13,"Advice on a Job Situation I have recently gotten a new job, and there are a lot of closing shifts (from 3pm) to 12am. Unfortunately, i don't think my head is able to cope with working until midnight, not getting home until 1am and then waking up at 6am to head to work for 10am - 5pm. I'm not very good with sleeping, and my mind will race knowing I haven't had enough sleep and so will think I've impacted my performance already for the next day, and so keep myself awake. I'm nervous to ask if they are able to keep me on morning+day shifts, because I feel immense guilt and unsure how to go about explaining or asking for this, because this is a new job and i should follow what they want me to do? Rather than asking for things to fit around me. I feel extremely stupid, and silly right now. I'm really sorry if this is a silly post. Does anyone have any similar experiences? Should i deal or should i explain to the managers? If so, how should i do this? I'm scared they'll think it's a joke and i become the target of someone who is trying to get out easily, or lying etc. etc.",3.755412979351036,4.271871207964608,5.218743362831859,84.4821563421829,71.43362831858406,8.150560471976402,25.68613569321534,8.238735603445708,1.4155625958702065,847,24,182,12,15,286,129,226,0.111,0.838,0.052000000000000005,-0.9279,3,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,3,3,10,8,1,3,9,0,20,5,5,2,0,42,43,23,0,9,9,0,2,0,0,7,0,0,1,0,8,14,0,2,8,1,0,2,4,4,0,0,2,2,20,4,30,34,4,21,0,0,0,0,10,9,0,7,9,116,28,6,0.23049359784995355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261783809316064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717770840691045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837177525011327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058324142988793,0.0,0.0,0.1025940847834882,0.3232205994616947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405067578851034,0.127281034931497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864930235362894,0.11881438922169195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085325037372013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908075070073935,0.2570612898336539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127334834755294,0.0,0.0,0.1165444886306518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204233916041786,0.0,0.06549741169258774,0.09666354709093053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23655292879864195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560193597137265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430939951807206,0.20487330031013895,0.0,0.0,0.06333662672499661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979787071814852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163664137448526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22261215310000387,0.12256627810314068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037457621247446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383005045428359,0.0,0.1137923104609968,0.0,0.0,0.09842013658411904,0.0,0.0,0.11538215069052768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954223064326278,0.2306600575697507,0.0,0.0976482387391346,0.0,0.0,0.12900935600211286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656485226917119,0.22153648586802485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824501147149514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509067873428348,0.06797554794755048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678020844002674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,solarbabe11,2020/02/13,"Medications & confusing diagnosis I realized this is kind of a rant lol sorry I’m 20 now and I’ve been diagnosed as ADHD when I was like 10, then bipolar In a psych ward at 13, major depression around the same time & generalized anxiety. Bipolar again in the hospital when I was 15 & 18. I was also diagnosed as borderline when I was 18 and now recently my therapist was taking to me about histrionic? Anyways I’ve been taking anti anxiety meds since I was 13 & every anti depressant u can think of. I’ve tried anti psychotics, mood stabilizers, adhd meds. Now I’ve been taking Valium & adderall for over a year, I just got prescribed ambien for insomnia (as needed) & now I just got gabapentin. I read it’s helped people with bpd and anxiety & I also have really bad pain that makes my mood swings way more intense. Can anyone tell me what the hell is going on & if they’ve taken these meds before, how they’ve worked or didn’t work? I’m really curious about the gabapentin and if that’s helped anyone because I really need mood stabilization at the moment due to recent events & I can not deal with the pains anymore it’s driving me insane. Oh I also forgot to mention I’m switching from adderall to focalin to see if that helps get rid of the pain If you read this & or reply thank u in advance, if there’s any questions I’ll try to answer tomorrow asap but it’s 6:30am and I need to try and sleep!",3.6287463512060256,5.397087505300355,5.303395298817026,78.9552742356737,73.24028268551237,8.737993547395915,26.438623444461516,9.318704503766252,2.4120042710093714,1136,40,212,27,23,386,154,283,0.11900000000000001,0.8420000000000001,0.039,-0.938,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,1,0,3,19,14,1,1,10,1,16,10,1,2,0,33,35,25,0,8,11,0,0,1,0,0,9,0,0,0,10,9,0,1,4,2,0,3,2,8,0,0,14,1,20,3,28,21,3,29,1,2,1,0,8,8,1,9,18,118,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209868089855498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617943645881912,0.0,0.730708205717205,0.0,0.04586126705547803,0.0,0.15477341750332832,0.0,0.06688200021683967,0.09431072713659908,0.0,0.0,0.0600355766543786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056309281525557586,0.0411105779210916,0.0,0.057386165539439676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493786435755284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952730644086882,0.11617132432788915,0.13689962777967146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05682080442067852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035234427856587716,0.0,0.03832750093372441,0.0,0.10787527991251912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356101051634522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702280060226838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032947601058598265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045016482642853635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247307069174237,0.06793834118148062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500169131584494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21528159191173102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04675415417053259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554782985396204,0.0,0.1349157780472944,0.0,0.12961067870917306,0.0,0.13317701486937025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05374066076348934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05578676619973861,0.0,0.06748834300026263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549315438353023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211864645762033,0.0,0.058945216920649274,0.06208935869750243,0.0,0.07830261867213621,0.0,0.04321259751358824,0.0,0.0,0.039324595777559763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373612638759766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05353044630168893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981937206422462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04342891635592022 bpd,tataora,2020/02/13,"Does anyone ever feel like coping with regular work life is really hard and work independently could be easier? I've have an intense depression phase caused by my BDP. My bad days were getting worst and worst and for a long time. I was lucky enough to benefit from a sick leave for a few months. It was really hard at first because I had to confront my emotions and I had no escape door. But in the end, it really helped me calm down and get some perspective. I've stared a therapy and I try and learn to live with BPD. Next week I'll get back to work one day a week to see how it goes. I'm really afraid to fall back into my old patterns: putting my mask on and pretending everything is great when there's a dark storm growing inside of me. So I'm wondering: should I try to work as a freelancer? I have the luxury to do a job that can easily be done remotely. I feel like if I have enough clients and I stick to the deadline if I have a few bad days I could just rest and take it easy. I could follow my own pace and be aligned with my emotions instead of neglecting them. And also I wouldn't have to confront to people as often which sometimes is emotionally exhausting for me. What do you think?",3.5234739229024967,4.680862546938776,4.697108843537419,85.6295181405896,72.51020408163265,8.709750566893424,25.44784580498866,9.150863307647796,1.8195124716553288,944,29,202,20,18,311,144,245,0.147,0.723,0.13,-0.7478,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,5,11,16,2,1,13,0,25,3,0,3,1,38,37,21,0,7,4,0,4,2,0,2,3,0,1,0,7,16,0,1,5,1,0,4,2,10,0,2,6,6,25,6,28,23,9,25,0,2,2,0,3,5,0,6,18,136,32,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656792878522729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569130418625218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647598796936988,0.1807693816329952,0.06598853286733715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363377830542299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120313776725907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592877764082511,0.0,0.0,0.2094379556196952,0.0,0.09323604338969901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473078914120467,0.1107779003540702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.365301908785895,0.09587786022366848,0.22370351859968512,0.0,0.0,0.09791882339726138,0.0,0.0,0.09728861774327943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946946515981253,0.1546684345663113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207786578502446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16966933949255372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934661775177427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939424673057915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725580644061798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742197133835904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462170635622425,0.0,0.0,0.07646056751688562,0.10577150530592656,0.0,0.095587222270908,0.09579833369020664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640455929381029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512569207027125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135907465377798,0.0,0.07335337681920888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504730400746495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882170559925228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773923067804942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626167615329326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706256569393124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139094452990342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379394242994858,0.0,0.0,0.06936258392625178,0.0,0.0,0.06312176846414291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699004059047732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736641294137837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739310796540255,0.31523076977434683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tiniestofoctopuses,2020/02/13,"Setting boundaries or just sensitive I deleted an friendgroup on snapchat because one rude person. I feel like I put a bomb in whatever friendship I had with them, but I told them about the BPD and that I need to put my own feelings first. That I understand that they mean no harm, but it is not my choosing when it comes to what triggers. Ofcourse this was repeated instances and on any other day I would be able to brush their comment off. But then a split happens and boom am pushing y'all away.",5.8817869415807555,6.373395134020622,5.43458762886598,84.89387457044677,66.7319587628866,8.116151202749142,35.75429553264605,7.793537801064563,2.5707470790378006,396,19,77,4,6,121,76,97,0.122,0.8390000000000001,0.039,-0.8381,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,4,1,4,3,1,0,4,0,6,0,0,1,0,19,14,9,0,2,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,8,5,0,0,5,0,0,4,2,2,0,2,3,4,15,1,10,9,1,15,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,6,58,23,0,0.23414721864011034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592281379255286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21998901956749256,0.0,0.0,0.14273397120710085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949002251652528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016970960468214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510055855067735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367837381623533,0.1672748197813213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19916550456111576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20705561216038504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439250379470554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550549637083537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361719575300733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15866421512818638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20444831983730105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47076525325810203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237377015692392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437555122495315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16633146611003782,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,indianopenmicer,2020/02/13,"I came very close to committing suicide two years ago and I stuck it out for my parents- but I'm still so fucking miserable all the time This is probably the most cliche of reasons one can provide against suicide, but I guess it's cliche for a reason Looking back at all the embarassing, pathetic shit I've done makes me cringe and I'm paranoid all the time about what I'm going to do I also live in a country that is very toxic towards people with mental disorders, and that exacerbates my situation exponentially. There's no reason for me to write this- I just wanted to get this off my chest and have people relate to it give me validation for writing it so that I can feel less alone for like 6 hours after the last response. Fuck my life and fuck this world.",7.128228476821192,6.501516682119206,7.322243377483447,76.18415976821194,64.29801324503312,10.199006622516556,34.1067880794702,9.516144504307137,2.9825556291390733,613,23,118,10,8,199,97,151,0.25,0.725,0.024,-0.9914,1,1,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,4,1,7,0,7,6,2,4,4,26,23,10,2,1,3,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,12,9,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,5,0,2,3,2,13,1,20,20,5,18,0,1,1,3,4,7,4,2,10,81,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463376551454378,0.0,0.0,0.14561960482823655,0.0,0.11243808390165652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811302387371788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080939381643106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114023202253033,0.0,0.0,0.14388301798651595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109178353363181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38994839461833264,0.07345790254776939,0.13487670911254193,0.07990644377563426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488718489250813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384630658262112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460808640460332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931021599189443,0.06869025027442817,0.0,0.12415272339814508,0.0,0.11806891944412785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385185445557974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416921271042347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527446541698358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15612009807091035,0.0,0.0,0.19494921925461228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159100457609775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336818645078651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432428346792006,0.0,0.15804073324377735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228365588723828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075880202905523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397044028165272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734615443432682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320200990393585,0.08292975492959166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905420436628986 bpd,mva96,2020/02/13,Does anyone else find themselves constantly analysing what mood they are in and triggering their own mood swings? I feel like I have ocd like tendencies to obsess over my mood which means they swing around even more often?,10.3,10.12120425641026,6.840641025641028,80.75019230769233,57.71794871794872,10.876923076923077,32.32051282051282,10.125756701596842,2.853605128205128,182,5,32,3,2,49,34,39,0.048,0.8220000000000001,0.13,0.5204,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,3,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,4,4,2,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312621811306265,0.3388838020990259,0.0,0.2944300998213506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574141162973034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28943415829000274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27629212429610545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21845167376544009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723286480681052,0.2362818286354845,0.0,0.0,0.30229178382675337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231672288051426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602745069840834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kmtkyle,2020/02/13,"New here! Hi, everyone!👋🏼😅 I have, I guess you would say lurked here, for quite some time now. I was diagnosed with BPD back in mid 2015, so as far as this diagnoses goes I am fairly new to it and understanding it. My entire life before that I have been diagnosed with almost everything else in the book (Bi Polar, Aspergers or some form of Autism, OCD, Manic Depression, Severe Anxiety, etc.), those last few I feel I have but are more of a symptom of my BPD. But honestly I still don't understand it fully. I have read, and even saved, a great number of posts here because I agree with them so majorly, but part of me still doesn't feel like I fit this diagnoses either. Or rather that I do and possibly have something else with it maybe? What I am not understanding, and please I do not mean to offend anyone with my lack of understanding here, but isn't BPD a lifelong issue? Some sites I have read say it is, my therapist say it can be somewhat cured. From my understanding it is never something really cured you just learn how to cope with it better, no? But at the same time I know deep down I have it, or maybe I don't but I have something. I guess what is conflicting me lately is knowing for years I was continuously misdiagnosed, and even though I feel from all I have researched about this diagnoses that it most suits me, what if I am still misdiagnosed and just fooling myself by believing yet another misdiagnoses. How can I be sure? Part of me is just no longer satisfied by just a mental health professional's diagnoses, more so lately considering I have had serious issues with therapists this past year, them having an extreme lack of unprofessionalism. I guess I don't know, I am nervous to post on here afraid of negative feedback or getting my feelings hurt but I am trying to push myself to do things lately even if they feel out of my present comfort zone. I thought since most people here I feel I can relate to so deeply, I thought I would just ask all of you how you are sure you even have this diagnoses and not something else? P.S. Sorry if this whole thing doesn't make much sense. It was originally going to be much, much longer, I have a bad habbit typing novels and be extremely thorough with detail when I do, but I figured if I did not many would read it and my feedback would be a lot smaller. And at this point I personally feel to lazy to even go back and re-read all that myself so I'm just leaving it as is. 😅😅",4.718430265386786,5.684935215320916,5.558347449651798,81.28095426312821,69.51759834368531,9.084359119141727,27.67984189723321,9.339509955726095,2.1927590062111797,1931,63,389,39,33,632,218,483,0.111,0.809,0.081,-0.9129,0,0,4,0,0,0,53.0,0,5,3,2,37,16,1,2,9,0,54,11,0,5,6,99,81,40,0,11,28,0,7,1,0,4,10,3,0,1,30,20,0,1,20,5,0,3,14,8,0,0,8,10,63,8,46,64,26,41,0,2,0,1,14,13,0,19,24,297,93,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060558094325562785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341448053979193,0.04626406313962753,0.0,0.0,0.04228630638298701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056537004698930825,0.0,0.0,0.0930048003316324,0.05049503069458495,0.03686567893883443,0.0,0.051460720361763586,0.06813587312580445,0.0,0.05348620998167628,0.0,0.0,0.22850265276003195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052087990015508005,0.42967389244452975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515601041476668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744685537730195,0.1997195209688002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05435203345613435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21404978915129008,0.043204149288762976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03159627450257932,0.0,0.06873994068692686,0.0,0.0,0.06667513128861376,0.19986377943256625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428328322010833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064740932876876,0.0,0.0,0.12624270564066808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970827514881024,0.04929610610513049,0.2046590786970996,0.06403547468535252,0.0,0.0,0.04271606915743093,0.02954557546630648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05141463109907336,0.0,0.0,0.04036827697368913,0.061313289429535324,0.1215127739451766,0.0658762194052964,0.0,0.0,0.06094570070154697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333707109915812,0.0,0.046642908822954535,0.11681641919000516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097948034895948,0.057731295649856,0.041926524117855406,0.05280541173880763,0.0,0.06638461463081541,0.05716947714172387,0.0681777339834941,0.11583880379579654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432379342098538,0.241969926417543,0.0,0.038742548430464235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442791041120889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832079713464484,0.0,0.05002646802248542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622987448838974,0.0,0.06769806050708001,0.0,0.0,0.14488891285423994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399604707673805,0.06285784032018822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043486353209145,0.0803552883644982,0.0,0.05941747682613247,0.09602256156736866,0.07052821904462625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041059312945393625,0.0,0.0,0.3147888473278636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751942368528091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184199038758946,0.0,0.0,0.07788927171551364 bpd,throwaway793247,2020/02/13,"I'm breaking up with someone, and I'm their fp So basically I've been dating a guy with bpd for a while but it turns out we just want different things and I don't have enough time or energy to put as much as he wants into the relationship. I believe we're incompatible romantically because of this and some other major differences, so I ended things. Obviously things are different in every situation but I figured I'd ask someone who might know what it feels like. What I'm wondering is whether it is possible to remain friends with a fp after a break up? And ultimately be happy and move on whilst doing so. I'd like to remain friends with this guy, he was my best friend before we dated and it'd be a massive loss to my life if he wasn't in it anymore. However I don't want to make the break up more difficult for him/prevent him being able to move on. He says he wants a friendship because ""it's better than being alone"" and he'll ""take what he can get"", although he acknowledges it will be difficult. I'm just wondering about what people have found to be better in the long run? Any advice/experiences welcome, feel free to be brutally honest. Thanks :)",4.617978260869563,5.685919004347831,6.074510869565216,77.11480978260872,69.82608695652175,9.228260869565217,29.59239130434783,9.516144504307137,2.668326086956521,921,35,177,20,16,313,131,230,0.068,0.6659999999999999,0.266,0.9952,3,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,2,0,1,4,6,17,1,0,9,0,22,1,0,1,1,38,43,19,0,5,7,0,2,2,3,3,1,1,0,2,18,15,0,0,8,0,1,4,3,4,0,0,4,3,11,14,30,28,6,25,0,1,0,0,22,10,0,6,10,113,29,0,0.11508935971880398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919786753384068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826471119109535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413771940756888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759301541552392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031481092753328,0.0,0.09793256838882207,0.12966629708477462,0.1207791825756504,0.20357437206733645,0.0,0.0,0.14495101967180074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36073165615380187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193501237909383,0.11891807391461022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696774932647498,0.0,0.0,0.11257947772167733,0.0,0.0,0.11638527664433218,0.08221986157905498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618954256061754,0.2667532614817422,0.0,0.06012944031492761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22791312088995014,0.0,0.12251476349861487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325010225467499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129101836611742,0.11245369554100043,0.0,0.0,0.10185046170019893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682304129582608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209162324094608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446435512778774,0.0846039217447728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797884709272025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297459605888936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156965944118507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356290134748625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152367819704896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293652623790804,0.0,0.0,0.19502968202130785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653287546099975,0.0,0.0,0.10595881968594466,0.0,0.0,0.22938076996897824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710953117614865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251841746324655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715307448985624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496190024632936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,girldannydevito,2020/02/13,"Is anybody else ridiculously sensitive to music? Ever since I was a kid I have HATED sad music and it’s getting worse with age. Doesn’t matter how good of a song it is, if it isn’t faced paced or if there’s a piano or violin in the background I will become incredibly depressed and it lasts days. I was in the waiting room at my doctors office the other day and a slow paced song came on the radio so I covered my ear with my hand and held my phone to my other ear, pretending I was on hold. If I listened to the whole song I would have had my entire day ruined... Is this is a normal thing with BPD?",1.2182020997375351,3.071029921259844,3.4036417322834644,89.51023950131236,80.49606299212599,5.808136482939633,20.03215223097113,6.816661863887847,0.3070530183727036,468,12,100,5,12,160,76,127,0.138,0.795,0.068,-0.8976,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,10,0,14,5,4,1,1,21,20,11,0,5,5,0,1,0,0,2,1,6,1,1,8,8,0,3,0,5,0,1,2,5,0,0,6,7,14,1,12,12,1,14,0,3,0,0,3,6,0,5,7,72,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25571150832865225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916094193958725,0.0,0.0,0.2648136247666156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4479615207871243,0.0,0.1994202037803708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369852269646208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934172467594634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20943608293413926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209671461334742,0.0,0.0,0.1942000349095435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22859224439835546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887314047275976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268545120162197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915276140332164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382113972633396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584998427937629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359532919338019,0.1644753652949311,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lindloser,2020/02/13,"How do you tell people you have BPD? Very few people know I have BPD - two or three close friends, my mom, an ex. It doesn’t seem like anybody’s business. However, I’ve been seeing my current boyfriend for over 3 months and tonight I threw a complete fit (crying, sobbing, giving him the cold shoulder - although I apologized profusely after I calmed down) because he interrupted me twice. TWICE. That’s all it took. I feel horrible. I haven’t told him I have BPD because I’m scared. When/how do you guys inform your partners? (For context, the person I dated before my current boyfriend was around when I was diagnosed a few years ago, which is why I told him.)",3.66060606060606,5.788900269841273,3.955050505050509,87.10863636363638,74.07936507936508,6.486580086580088,28.914862914862915,7.348242739294969,1.6828984126984132,518,22,98,6,11,161,87,126,0.091,0.7809999999999999,0.128,0.5514,3,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,4,0,0,3,5,0,1,5,0,11,2,1,1,1,10,21,5,0,0,1,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,2,0,4,7,3,21,3,6,14,3,16,0,1,1,0,20,5,1,2,10,59,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951564832674174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010937367375878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19188546674750084,0.0,0.1339262510553919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5946769385510079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501913091811848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17288417345843568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974628856156364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795804911249482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215981732968487,0.0,0.0,0.15098164962221092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15583962694584694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864967519304402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689220301736527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18433182523912792,0.12562621465260307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182271120736179,0.13742580321261025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757361548180518,0.0,0.12541847251228622,0.14328082511636903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375647221873345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007834290011732,0.17486471457483194,0.0,0.0,0.1537459588256912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986221835098752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420188846848517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013532076986264 bpd,missanniebananie,2020/02/13,"i think i have bpd but i feel like no one wants to help me hi so i’m really over dramatic and my life is completely melting so i have no idea if i’m just being over dramatic or not but i think i have BPD. i made a post to the relationship advice subreddit about being possessive and jealous of my only two friends and someone asked if there is a chance i had BPD. i actually didn’t even know BPD was a thing before yesterday, but reading up on it felt like it finally all made sense on why i am the way i am. some things i would do never really fit under my major depression or anxiety disorder diagnoses: i steal a lot, i cut alot too, i have a lot of anger that usually is triggered by something very small, i have suicidal thought probably once or more every hour i’m awake, i have a weed and alcohol abuse problem (at my worst i would get high the second i came down, being sober was the worst thing i my life) i have had bulimia and anorexia, i switch between thinking i am loved to thinking everyone hates me and wants me to die, i also daydream so much sometimes i get confused if i actually said something to someone. i just want to get better, as better as i can be. i’m sick of living like this. any advice would be really appreciated",2.752973378327709,4.3927448110236265,4.875961754780653,81.6473097112861,75.29921259842521,8.617622797150355,27.44956880389952,9.23628265651192,2.4180718410198723,978,39,198,24,21,339,140,254,0.267,0.604,0.129,-0.9932,0,0,3,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,10,17,4,1,11,0,28,6,0,3,2,45,53,21,2,10,12,0,2,3,1,3,5,1,0,0,7,7,1,0,9,1,0,1,5,10,0,3,11,3,36,7,22,34,10,19,0,1,0,1,7,11,0,11,8,143,43,1,0.0,0.10933079308659273,0.18009418988344147,0.0,0.0,0.1803401356553188,0.0,0.0986139187000335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379228889079847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275016826580303,0.0,0.07059012695585166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626467431872953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851923365686722,0.0,0.0,0.16321948816293552,0.0,0.0,0.4648685588321749,0.0,0.0,0.10553802442271464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674858809460604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947632738120645,0.09365718862835117,0.09576688779335284,0.0,0.1057551511082062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06094677113940575,0.0,0.07774567227029915,0.08817272250863177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04665701554345485,0.06592128266185615,0.08859847633002349,0.10108275861132836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129144067054134,0.0,0.14462964623778846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110246458587123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618499913900178,0.09749360999674367,0.0,0.0,0.09087229344009562,0.0,0.0,0.10416724992375624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050711930050048856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035313114533612,0.13524272069591475,0.0,0.08148052077789225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689782048404352,0.08328179549348676,0.1746256834228743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678327466445101,0.0,0.0711681731339839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826986976722273,0.06252793210275315,0.07017930006805566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837394849735092,0.0,0.0994880632500796,0.08829471864724152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229997684035002,0.0,0.1773411948738137,0.0,0.0,0.0990688233939047,0.0,0.0,0.08777466138725161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15636862613319824,0.14207561540187702,0.0912623403140131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093387962961728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839102411985965,0.2365043915511435,0.0,0.07325604747695327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013927269449623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162788249882287,0.0761365436988373,0.16327856775183064,0.07324360464596634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326384037768228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19664855010458301,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HoboSnobo,2020/02/13,"I feel connected with BPD, but my therapist and psychiatrist aren’t having any of it. Hello all... I have been seeing a therapist and psychiatrist for the last 6 months or so after having multiple panic attacks. After talking with them, and doing my own research I feel as though I either have borderline or quiet borderline... But every time I bring it up to them, they dismiss it. My psychiatrist even told me I was bipolar the other day, after discussing a manic reaction I had to antidepressants. That all happened in the span of 15 minutes talking. How do I bring it up again, after countless times, and show them that I really do believe I have this, and they should stop dismissing it?",6.830964566929133,7.7067559055118116,7.604399606299214,68.81793799212599,64.74803149606299,10.444488188976381,33.985236220472444,10.411451182825502,3.843079527559056,548,23,88,13,8,183,80,127,0.092,0.9079999999999999,0.0,-0.9022,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,5,0,5,2,1,1,5,0,13,1,0,1,2,19,20,13,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,9,7,0,1,2,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,4,4,19,0,15,15,4,17,0,0,1,0,10,4,0,2,11,79,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993411940897996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340988746774058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318380637127497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591665258392336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270791148490804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591250806033572,0.0,0.17337439066171145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20809213950371205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18196623494964206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677341650394647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642477158363338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414327346394901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182479359781762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397610714284294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203719155047806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33078844988548073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4778414856287193,0.0,0.0,0.2021729838646592,0.0,0.2399782227817717,0.0,0.0,0.19662691943507948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,UShouldLiveNACave,2020/02/13,"Has anyone told their uBPD mom they think she has BPD? I am a 25yo mother who was diagnosed with BPD a year or so ago. Have worked my ass off with DBT and a few other things. Still have BPD but I’m not nearly as fucked off as I was. In the process of helping myself, my biggest goal is to do everything I can to not fuck my kids up. They are my world and I want them to grow up to be as mentally healthy as possible. I have realized how fucked off my mother is and I finally realized she has BPD! She is different from me though so I’m not sure how to handle her. She shuts off, gives the silent treatment when offended, refuses to ever self reflect or apologize for anything, etc.. very very slim chance of any changes coming from me telling her I think she has BPD. But I’d love to hear personal experiences with the subject, on the off chance she might seek help??",1.7643569292123649,3.8138599322033926,3.070588235294121,91.592482552343,79.62146892655367,7.1025589896975765,23.40611498836823,8.124751697461798,1.2196888667331338,676,23,149,13,17,219,106,177,0.038,0.7609999999999999,0.201,0.9872,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,4,2,8,6,4,0,7,0,18,6,1,2,2,26,31,17,0,1,7,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,3,7,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,3,1,27,2,29,26,2,21,0,0,0,5,28,13,4,3,6,104,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881314760181603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580474067995023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794377121416099,0.0,0.09173190731759008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7019750210721654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792253022589315,0.09602320457254417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314167105834592,0.0,0.1164644500849622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432067764514175,0.0,0.10083275021468327,0.0,0.0,0.10018379052453223,0.1090409455896255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211205986393528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091620325794948,0.0,0.10693404079193597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256369761640527,0.0,0.14943458122749154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060777660392174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233749547535099,0.11825411092843993,0.0,0.1305545870554138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733299697925657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566786163303634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628954292717893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902163403834959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506098277056898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743138752769152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405700270206436,0.142853434235125,0.1095206135507275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065162142115653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18395204700999535,0.0657490374346744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115289881416209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178427360912926 bpd,kirkles1984,2020/02/13,"I want someone to talk to, but I also do not want to talk to anyone. I just feel so alone. All the time. I hold back from talking to anyone when I’m upset. Sometimes I can be upset in a normal way and in that situation I will speak of it, otherwise I find it better to keep it to myself. I am more than aware of how unhealthy and extreme I can be in a situation that upsets me too much, and so because of that, I am able to recognize when to remove myself in one way or another. It genuinely upsets people to hear how I feel and what it makes me think, so at all costs, I try to prevent myself from oversharing. My father and sister mean more to me than any other family, I know that they would never judge me about anything. When I share with them I swear I can hear the weight crush them. My boyfriend always lets me speak without judgement but because he happens to be non reactionary and non inquisitive and non interested, it seems pointless. It’s similar to saying something just to hear yourself say it. I have friends and none of them are an FP. I have healthy and normal relationships with all 4 of them. I don’t know if the Long Distance aspect has anything to do with that. I can control when we interact verbally or personally so I never have to speak about anything crazy deep. I try to fit my life into my “good days” and hide on the bad ones. When I’m happy, I don’t need anyone though, I prefer my own company. When I’m having a bad day, I need someone to understand me but I know it would be difficult to achieve that so I don’t want anyone. I just don’t even. What am I supposed to do? I cannot imagine a version of my life where I don’t feel isolated, by choice or otherwise.",3.4677233429394825,4.485538573487035,5.0237763688760815,83.76639654178676,72.48703170028818,7.972749279538907,27.424668587896253,8.364918446050245,1.7914420518731986,1323,47,274,21,25,447,161,347,0.127,0.768,0.105,-0.8772,0,1,1,0,0,0,33.0,1,0,5,3,24,13,0,4,9,0,30,3,0,4,5,61,54,32,0,11,12,2,4,0,1,3,2,8,0,1,18,15,1,4,13,0,1,1,11,7,0,2,0,12,52,6,45,46,9,26,0,0,0,0,25,10,0,5,13,206,70,1,0.09895946664995184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249216283573803,0.0,0.07913784972689594,0.08234220373034798,0.0,0.0,0.06729583078667423,0.10376762921732206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767790400154099,0.0,0.2443056274796881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760937214504822,0.16525404222605275,0.12064954472249825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752160639612526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099145654216612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12764133855360804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536179441333523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932901779905834,0.0,0.15011063921248524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904471597161572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645583845418201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830025055258854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750952953989496,0.1053441923926789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346035332083824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795972087131379,0.0,0.0,0.1631566045715403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011927593585712,0.1397959957479555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757601391239869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660562124216949,0.0,0.0,0.10779587014354468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274659440988318,0.14675438122018078,0.15264728267609612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19391853246544372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411499138626834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860603401620177,0.08640758923417012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062454326355073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739307964439014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008898178047638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22246917350732687,0.0,0.0,0.16769606991379388,0.0761838321492425,0.09787344290381256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386196123257741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340923042115854,0.09722717353892196,0.0,0.057704060814536974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343739639706454,0.0,0.0,0.10302029477563593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510657214453768,0.15709883688541978,0.0,0.12050597054410635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539339447375103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140595931644641,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jbslayer,2020/02/13,"Do women with BPD ever come back? I know, I know, “Don’t stick your dick in crazy.” But she was head over heels in love with me, constantly idolized and worshiped me. She was so submissive, so feminine, so impulsive, down to earth, crazy and freaky in bed. An overall hot mess..until one Friday night I made an impulsive decision and that lead her to lose all trust for me and now she’s gone for good. I haven’t heard from her in a while now...it’s been nearly 6 months since we broke up and i’ve been doing NC ever since. She has been fucking other men and doing drugs on a daily basis to fill the void since i’m not in her life anymore.",2.1968181818181804,3.7384862575757616,3.3930303030303044,92.10954545454544,76.57575757575758,6.618181818181819,20.333333333333336,7.348242739294969,0.366778787878788,494,11,110,6,11,160,89,132,0.13699999999999998,0.763,0.099,-0.5092,0,0,1,0,0,1,19.0,1,1,0,2,7,7,1,0,5,0,11,7,3,2,3,20,20,11,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,2,10,0,0,3,0,0,4,3,3,0,1,8,2,16,4,18,12,1,22,1,2,0,3,13,10,2,0,8,70,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979348228650251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346864843925534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513704895433548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192492051964853,0.0,0.21568062600410665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314553914265595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36107236044887775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18451324036912545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740254119939268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048319278610825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21937354015755134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409728826222539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232847131162279,0.0,0.0,0.18013337581563604,0.1888522796169481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15930694985573968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872971280502387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524405214487342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4952966560580354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,perturbed_,2020/02/13,"I don’t know if it ever gets easier Everywhere I go there’s a fragment of something. A person I let down, a reminder of what I put someone through, a memory of someone who’s gone now. I don’t know how to deal with it. It’s as if every meaningful connection I make ends up just being a thing I fuck up and destroy. I never feel comfortable because I’m afraid that other people see what I see within me: just a rotten manipulative monster who you’re better off avoiding. I’m obsessed with this idea of atoning, of somehow making up for all the horrible shit I’ve put others through. But it’s not possible, there’s nothing I can actually do. And time goes on and I’ve been stagnating, I can’t find my reasons anymore. I’m so sick of being miserable and of feeling sorry for myself. I just want a new life without all this baggage. I want to feel love again, for someone to hold me and tell me that it’ll be okay. But everyone who ever has has had to leave in the end because they hurt themselves trying to help me, and i hurt them for trying to help me. But all I want is for someone to help me, to drag me out of this rut and show me that life is beautiful again. But no one can. I was in love - real, true love and I destroyed it. I had friends who would always stand by me and I destroyed it. Now it’s just me, and I’m petrified of getting close to anyone again. I’m terrified of even just being around anyone who knows me because I’m scared they hate me as much as I hate myself. And sometimes they do. I don’t want to be this way, I never wanted to live like this. I find it so hard to care about myself enough to eat well, sleep properly, go to college, go to work. I hate being at home because I have too many memories of beautiful things that are gone in every inch of this place. I can’t forgive myself, I have such a profound feeling of disgust at myself that I can’t rationalise away because it feels justified. I hate being like this. And I can’t give up and I won’t give up. I have to live my life and do the things I need to do. It’s just.. fucking hard. And people who don’t know what it’s like will never understand why. I just want to not feel so alone anymore, but I don’t know how. Being close to others is dangerous for me and them. But isolation is dangerous for me. No matter how much I find myself I still end up lost in the end. I just wish I wasn’t like this.",1.6790275262586007,3.3332264482071743,3.6448044186888815,89.25198388265122,78.3426294820717,6.555668236146324,23.75968851865266,7.435244526350478,0.9729984063745016,1855,62,403,25,44,629,200,502,0.153,0.73,0.11699999999999999,-0.9673,0,3,1,0,0,0,53.0,0,0,5,3,31,37,13,5,12,1,43,12,2,7,9,89,93,33,0,11,19,0,8,4,1,4,4,0,1,1,40,22,1,2,19,1,0,7,19,22,1,1,8,11,66,15,68,72,6,49,0,4,2,5,24,23,3,3,21,295,106,2,0.0,0.0,0.06838605597180819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257971268527978,0.0,0.0,0.058310541247916035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899716584782948,0.09800038678967816,0.0,0.0,0.06238431101001729,0.0,0.0,0.06584062330011398,0.0,0.0,0.2135946068774772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061978329564238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144922994907782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224737981057765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170732762614312,0.0,0.0,0.2482733647544368,0.07240934604269571,0.0,0.04628588301641372,0.12677919438815458,0.11808753850157101,0.06696256820461041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21260136899456464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192150170816064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05414211813453666,0.12957203336674478,0.07322576472679128,0.1344504787919345,0.11948089141799585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555231420073892,0.2767502159340626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091549457951186,0.0,0.0702939856836551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003997761344007,0.07910957469894808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19256528425961852,0.0,0.0,0.07420252351420795,0.0,0.07165954153828027,0.14849457156349427,0.13694635787752762,0.0,0.12376038245621032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764984564245406,0.0,0.1897444953133577,0.0,0.09355526873460976,0.07104813110207503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303084206670372,0.05196197704080797,0.1621455086752726,0.06768180554906282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724176724243401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04748669201763575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716657546495223,0.061189439532999615,0.07321663410545769,0.0,0.0,0.07900245815172854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089556725825597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976414900176954,0.0,0.07205189429432694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016034100672668,0.0,0.11168624611549684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719340987085232,0.0,0.0,0.07012864727721478,0.0,0.2375075759168139,0.053949497168065935,0.06930897123190463,0.07844662589487951,0.0,0.0,0.055964411475784584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125129381367445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967020320351078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04086306736843141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515677518682304,0.0,0.0,0.07295370873919409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480030539685946,0.05562468450689953,0.0,0.0,0.06300857197704013,0.0,0.06323452913368438,0.0,0.08058628496328375,0.06755272765659896,0.0,0.051017646112089685,0.0,0.0,0.049781427385046366,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,damag3d_g00ds,2020/02/13,"In love with a friend, again. It's hopeless, again. One of my closest friends is a really beautiful, intelligent, and totally cool woman. I am of course hopelessly in love with her. It's just really painful. She knows and has been totally open and honest that she does not feel the same way. I am just hate that this always happens to me. I am of course more than a little bitter about it, but what can I do? If I bitch and moan too much I will lose her completely. I just hate the so near but so far situations I always find myself in. I wish I could find someone as good as her that would be willing to return my affection. BPD makes me so sensitive and all my relationships so intense, but I just don't have the mental and emotional strength to not latch on to anyone who is the least bit sweet to me. I want so bad to be in love again, but I know my condition always ends up driving everyone I love away eventually. FML.",2.640080645161292,4.4463792849462385,4.1695564516129044,85.87433467741937,76.04301075268816,8.090860215053763,24.528225806451612,8.841846274778883,1.7345064516129027,721,24,152,16,16,240,110,186,0.14300000000000002,0.611,0.24600000000000002,0.9689,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,2,14,20,4,0,7,1,17,5,0,2,3,35,30,18,0,5,11,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,9,9,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,9,0,1,1,4,27,11,23,23,8,19,0,3,0,4,14,12,1,1,5,117,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33482043375232695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378673595599248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601944451256253,0.0,0.11199285338262856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643509772122992,0.0,0.16893189776025672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063263502703438,0.0,0.0,0.1070918008528378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173779683624827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508780699529177,0.11879926839014593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816685543535822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782010122935503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24518457425956625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20725683658696575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125017858145416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861061647058692,0.0,0.0,0.26485098965247744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742855664769394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344333843758806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500570349212499,0.0,0.0,0.4842298406909616,0.0,0.08953274138535243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351713788284096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860090043288733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088988302137224,0.0,0.14272365707008325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185408094058915,0.0,0.0,0.14400530237494474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507676132767704,0.0,0.0,0.11364781833904035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911328278309109,0.10646606139790124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424275101579282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528202364534953,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jcpeepeepoopoo,2020/02/13,"If that isn't an indicator of unstable relationships then idk what is I feel as if I present an ""outter shell"" to new people within my life, which is totally normal because everyone needs time to get to know anyone in order to be comfortable, but I feel like my ""shell"" is almost entirely a facade, misleading some who interact with me. I feel as if I will project what I believe to be my best qualities upon these people in hopes that I will find some kind of satisfaction from it. I will befriend people with unnecessary and almost excessive expectations and once I begin to act out by showing too much or too little emotion, it tends to confuse them and even push them away. Once I begin to notice the distance that they're keeping between us, I want to out-do them by completely cutting them out before I allow my emotions to overflow any longer. I will delete all of my social media apps just so I cannot see anyone for weeks. I delete multiple phone numbers at a time from my contacts. I will end up getting texts from those phone numbers that I can no longer identify and just have a conversation with them like I know who it is, then just never talk to them again unless they talk to me. I feel like my emotions are all over the spectrum. I feel like I'm black, white, and grey. Maybe I am just an attention seeker? Maybe I'm just obsessive? Maybe I just need to expect nothing? Overall, I am very tired of being lonely and not being able to have an average relationship with another human being just because I do not know how to properly stabilize my emotions enough to keep people engaged in me.",7.107944031981722,6.851966601941752,7.537658480868077,73.39559109080527,64.21035598705502,10.506834189986677,34.35770036169808,10.056822442137396,3.3943647820293155,1276,50,230,25,17,420,164,309,0.075,0.807,0.11800000000000001,0.9382,0,2,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,7,1,14,13,1,2,9,0,23,2,0,2,4,57,45,18,0,10,15,0,5,4,0,5,2,0,0,1,14,12,0,2,10,1,0,2,6,4,0,0,0,9,43,9,45,35,8,28,0,1,4,0,21,13,0,10,16,172,57,1,0.09616030381625143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925813078897365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539230407237434,0.10083246292268364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447504053350298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034577083900308,0.0,0.0,0.11723685735743088,0.0,0.08182533600659443,0.10833973316790486,0.10091430623586528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082224902499888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4326695958809285,0.08516948729088711,0.09935929911167984,0.0,0.06351297376120951,0.0,0.0,0.09188529115571684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431076945167177,0.20609082078020166,0.0,0.0,0.08788877559726546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047957974762957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550887895344874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709433926619151,0.0,0.10013615887839553,0.15854156450463192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792086638345547,0.1879162688002348,0.09637788664212192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898178500201823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068888765130979,0.14260329367393,0.0741647543977833,0.09287222063851593,0.0,0.0,0.09421668097423884,0.09226840496942884,0.1094791432410046,0.0,0.20481517046298928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666617878191344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20648035861912006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662731222504775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980233199880608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545800194398665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214369291187007,0.11052212348463976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566900558502564,0.0,0.0,0.0793423213701126,0.056717838618387785,0.0,0.0771339954212857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shiningz,2020/02/13,"Can't stop thinking about the peace of not existing I don't want to actively hurt myself, but I don't mind if a car hits me today. I'm just tired. So tired. And I'm subconsciously mad at my parents and loved ones because I can't just end it and not suffer anymore because of them. And then I get mad at myself for still caring about that and still being in pain. How can you care when you're dead? Why can't you just stop empathizing for an hour and get it over with? When I think about all the messes I've made and the people I've hurt because of this damned disorder I just wanna disappear. I feel like I deserve the hate I'm getting.",3.6191111111111134,4.13459994814815,4.682222222222227,88.21000000000002,71.74074074074073,7.777777777777778,25.37037037037037,7.793537801064563,1.1251481481481491,503,14,112,6,9,165,81,135,0.293,0.5429999999999999,0.16399999999999998,-0.9781,1,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,2,1,0,13,13,4,0,6,0,7,4,0,2,1,27,23,14,1,3,8,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,8,0,2,3,0,0,2,7,9,0,1,1,1,15,4,15,20,1,16,0,3,0,1,5,4,1,1,11,71,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499146452707788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28580733196763325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186833550624501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17911469327884685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842099647011058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902174920843015,0.11164912726043387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449553941670785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429782691671776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390799215457876,0.0,0.33460992857042765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635233581785576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105216719197733,0.14787944320978838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15780201485755546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590189945911901,0.0,0.16629690653160595,0.0,0.17353458617786285,0.0,0.0,0.10834745976677734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24961677579883704,0.26132039081624275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20028060622995167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592503125558524,0.14813870136280569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218019256560893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102175708876813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,imightbewrong71,2020/02/13,"Popular Twitch streamer Reckful shares BPD diagnosis I have followed Reckful for years and most viewers know his struggle and history with drug-resistant depression. I've always found him really relatable. I don't know if anyone else here follows him, but I am kind of excited. BPD doesn't get talked about a lot at all, and to be dealing with it and have someone I look up to share about it is really meaningful and I look forward to hearing him talk about it",5.9593103448275855,7.300125793103452,6.476494252873567,74.4554310344828,66.93103448275862,10.397701149425288,36.339080459770116,10.504223727775694,4.200549425287357,372,19,64,10,6,121,62,87,0.046,0.8109999999999999,0.14300000000000002,0.81,1,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,1,0,7,1,0,0,1,16,16,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,7,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,1,4,9,5,12,14,3,6,0,1,3,0,10,3,0,3,2,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879782644568688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334428396648923,0.1955426375702405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4807236741384335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967521932533212,0.1643739994019066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213189113166256,0.0,0.15942600499081358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20925103071003004,0.0,0.0,0.0997083205676236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21509550545323897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19873507144307284,0.2097661790468537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205224560108409,0.0,0.0,0.16224908158314755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445196150068936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170183817888134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19951200039965025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30678699433997786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228975345234956 bpd,cheapdyke,2020/02/13,"Hello!! Please help me be better for my loved one! Hi there, I am someone without BPD and for about a year and a half I have been in love with the most amazing person who has it!! I have researched and studied as much as I (think, but there’s always more I can do, hence finally getting the courage to post here) can on how to help a loved one with BPD when they’re going through an episode, and how to make their hardest days feel less hard. As someone who does not have BPD, sometimes it can be harder for me completely understand how they feel, but i try to do small things to show i care. i love to bring them flowers and their favorite foods when they’ve had a tough day, whether it’s personal or work related. There are two things that I struggle the most with: 1. How do I let them know that I think they are the most beautiful person in the world and they believe me? It makes me really sad that they don’t see themselves the way that I see them, but I would really appreciate it if anyone has any tips for how to convey how beautiful i know they are and how wonderful they are when I see them and the feeling I get in my chest when I’m around them. 2. How can I best help them when they feel like the people they love are going to leave them? Even if they know i’m going to stay, how do i help them in the moment of them feeling as if everyone is going to leave them? I’ve told them I am always here to listen and try to help but i want to grow more in this area as i do in every area. What helps you when you are feeling like this? Finally, if anyone has any tips on how they want to/enjoy being loved as someone with bpd could you please share those? Everyone is different of course, but again I want to know more about bpd because the internet and books can only get me so far. Ever since i’ve met this wonderful person i have always wanted to help make their hardest days less hard. I don’t know how to finish this post, but thank you to everyone for letting someone who does not have bpd into your space so they can learn more, and have the capacity to be and do better for their loved one. You guys are so amazing. thank you.",5.5846907993966814,4.821676319004529,5.8219117647058845,86.12443627450983,67.4841628959276,9.086123680241329,28.371417797888387,8.212053250817874,1.5750585218702864,1671,44,372,19,24,533,171,442,0.027999999999999997,0.69,0.28300000000000003,0.9992,2,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,7,26,4,31,22,0,1,16,0,44,9,1,14,1,74,93,50,0,10,15,0,8,2,0,1,0,1,0,5,20,18,1,0,17,2,0,6,5,3,0,5,4,12,64,19,50,81,11,42,0,1,3,7,61,16,0,10,18,264,84,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488809887847976,0.0,0.0,0.08111733209881583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340627140072121,0.0,0.0,0.0530941044795604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036357264158940215,0.0,0.0,0.06719621092683528,0.06259069326717992,0.1054971627345177,0.0,0.0,0.4507027428518984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06080908514468216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253359606398552,0.0,0.0,0.04761935531542006,0.0,0.0,0.11539264091053475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062313289317448825,0.0,0.0,0.10438638882048612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03939303759253778,0.053949684493576566,0.05025103271501839,0.1709717171632007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18094099486139148,0.08521664125920515,0.0,0.13066998744938946,0.0,0.0,0.07211945132161457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934815903242646,0.0,0.1355838955778362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05905504548457052,0.0,0.0,0.10685519451764446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27983784756151825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388866296807725,0.0,0.0,0.12630472220740815,0.0,0.12197615470273974,0.0,0.058276224546883124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768052002626023,0.0,0.11943467353541287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04384379826226069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124507010912774,0.045360496612287984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041348315194415376,0.20830868806672576,0.0,0.13093820809465942,0.0,0.0,0.11424127021903092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641649946628963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258107024458205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04933655272835137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20213819542528189,0.0,0.05898755152343822,0.0,0.0,0.06357053173531693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06235086159295821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982084562066632,0.0,0.0,0.07924710814313418,0.0764324853720652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056990572387733564,0.0,0.08098612747195301,0.0,0.058261655071050376,0.062089518522505126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071379855472807,0.04734111450517869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057492845909652375,0.1293586037233975,0.04342015146310706,0.0,0.0,0.04236802913955221,0.0,0.0,0.03840755017162222 bpd,su_shy_,2020/02/13,"i didn’t know who else to ask,, help please ? someone i know has shown many symptoms of bpd -i personally believe they might have it- but i’m not close enough with them to really ask. (lil disclaimer before i start: i’m not very familiar with bpd or the community, i’m just very into mental health in general and just wanna help so forgive me if i sound ignorant in this. also possible ?? TW: very brief mention of self-harm) so one of my closest friends (i’ll call her D) started talking to someone new in september (i’ll call them Z) and within about three months they got really close. D&Z would talk to each other constantly, to the point where it got a little annoying for everyone else (we thought it was cute though so we let it go). within a short amount of time D&Z began talking about their insecurities and issues frequently, our whole friend group basically shipped them together (though i don’t believe either of them actually felt romantic attraction). however around december Z started to constantly talk about ‘dropping’ their friends, and complained about how much they hated other people/how much other people hated them. eventually, last month, Z started talking about leaving D and not talking to any of us again. D was, of course, concerned so she reminded Z that she cared, that she liked being friends, etc. but about three weeks ago Z stopped talking to most people on a regular basis, and about a two weeks ago Z completely ceased all contact with D. most people in our group decided to stop chasing them, since we believed they were toxic (i personally had disliked Z for a while at the time). my perception changed recently though. after watching a few youtube videos about stigmatized mental illnesses, i really latched on to bpd. i found it really interesting and started talking about what i read about it with one of my other friends (i’ll call her V) who was completely separated from this situation. apparently V has a friend who she talks to often that was diagnosed with bpd a while ago. as we were talking about V’s experiences with her friend, i kind of dawned on me that maybe Z could have it as well? (or at least was showing symptoms) i remembered D mentioning that Z had a pretty messed up past and had felt really lost in their identity for a while. i asked D more about Z that afternoon and Z pretty much showed all the symptoms for bpd (that google told me at least) except for self-harm. (though D&Z have had conversations about it in the past) i KNOW that this probably isn’t my business, especially since i was never close to Z to begin with, but i can’t help but feel some sort of obligation. D refuses to get involved, partially bc she hates asking about things unless they’re brought up by the other party, and partially bc she’s still kind of angry at Z (which i understand ig). no one i’ve told about my concerns seems to really care, but i don’t want to ask any more people bc i know rumors will spread and Z gets uncomfortable very easily. i also know for a fact if Z knew about bpd or suspected they might have it, they would’ve talked about it. D tells me that’s just how Z is.. gahh this is a lot longer than i thought it would be,, sorry! again if i come across as insensitive please please let me know, i’d like to correct myself asap. and if you think i should just leave Z alone, lmk! i don’t want to get involved if that’s not something i should do. i couldn’t find anything on google that related to my specific situation, which is why i’m asking here. i used they/them pronouns for Z to protect their identity as much as possible, forgive me if i was confusing. that’s it! sorry for all the side notes, please help me out if you can!",5.961878531073449,6.693454594632769,6.312666666666669,77.82668361581922,66.61299435028249,9.965649717514122,31.976271186440677,9.994966539143718,3.084695254237288,2935,115,553,65,45,946,302,708,0.09699999999999999,0.752,0.151,0.9926,3,1,1,0,0,0,99.0,7,2,16,1,41,29,4,2,19,0,43,6,0,3,6,112,95,48,0,16,26,0,3,2,7,7,6,1,0,2,40,31,0,5,23,4,0,4,13,10,1,6,27,5,76,19,97,55,22,71,0,1,1,0,86,31,0,20,37,361,116,1,0.0,0.0,0.043069961938584235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737059283691595,0.0,0.0,0.045711152930899536,0.0,0.07059041884570917,0.0,0.14346265577350326,0.0,0.06002741922095476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03631982384676343,0.03929002576013308,0.2475648709349277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03755613001437545,0.14917706311338585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33352332712628785,0.0,0.13520209332541336,0.0,0.08999833579279798,0.0,0.04668959417295145,0.03801889633889447,0.09255063718698173,0.095389770576289,0.0,0.035238671324497976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044796687245808514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373923173957153,0.0,0.0,0.045603854963391,0.049222841262300615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042173440519385534,0.0,0.04317306869231854,0.0,0.0,0.022316276665283977,0.0,0.08475416127128528,0.0,0.04033912287105251,0.0,0.0,0.04839238819965478,0.2386932911883524,0.0,0.06917706076674701,0.0,0.025083268670456373,0.0,0.07059851446159666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072425106320856,0.0,0.04691406038223929,0.0,0.0,0.11833260259173994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04606608140225592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192083492756074,0.1455345715595617,0.035976390479413804,0.0,0.09346641849974012,0.0,0.09026324687776906,0.0,0.043124832523200235,0.04423544855288542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048179202028022616,0.03752249398422095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04474655335636553,0.044340124901198236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895657282968007,0.0936417568034798,0.0,0.0,0.07045720183350193,0.0,0.1297789259302383,0.0,0.034040082138164375,0.04262642065707828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972223892976024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426481518650998,0.12239222301994712,0.07707497659511281,0.0,0.19379046391131186,0.04172239139473378,0.09951247567346948,0.0,0.0898035089719507,0.04758562283766783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044147526269658864,0.0,0.16964630604244674,0.0,0.04357856321592905,0.0,0.049997011316295116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04017937674079844,0.092086076433862,0.0,0.0,0.07301881994673541,0.0992204879987009,0.0,0.0,0.0747918717456057,0.033977727719701395,0.0,0.0988123424721457,0.15619696248233114,0.0,0.03524673324004792,0.07379864655176824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376213084596784,0.0,0.3902196037401231,0.03857644450692607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029321719905441117,0.028280299184022518,0.17345194308367404,0.07007744511126157,0.05147162623262508,0.0,0.0,0.08434688103877105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0431140510044913,0.045946697963850563,0.05308967154176609,0.03811897258382959,0.0,0.14566591143741411,0.05206462020797247,0.0,0.07080580421537369,0.0,0.03968318918661437,0.0,0.03982549840445302,0.04927580174925497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405795460435223,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WarchiefSnorlax,2020/02/13,Does treatment actually work? How high is the success ratio here? Or am I doomed to depression and anxiety? Does that cheesy therapy actually work?,4.1145999999999985,7.45332196,5.727499999999999,65.13125,89.4,10.5,34.25,9.516144504307137,5.4479999999999995,119,7,17,5,4,40,22,25,0.308,0.584,0.10800000000000001,-0.782,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,10,2,3,0.0,0.0,0.5467260791873634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21429599347368736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412725301435913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49028114766875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959690102931101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203490476497815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4078708331963149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,amandolin6,2020/02/13,"Bpd and alcohol I’m recently 6.5 months sober from alcohol. But just having one of those days where I can’t stop beating myself up for things I’ve done in the past and ways I reacted to situations. I had this person who became my favourite person. At the time I was without a bpd diagnosis.. and I was very mis led and gas light by them. Naturally I just clung on to them rather than doing the healthy thing and removing myself from a toxic person and situation. Sometimes I just really cringe at the way I acted and things I did to act out regarding the matter. Especially when I would get drunk. I was diagnosed with bpd at the same time I decided to quit drinking so I could try and manage my emotions, actions and feelings better but I still get so stressed thinking about that and the ways I acted.",4.28166666666667,5.8691159299363065,5.4462579617834415,79.31847399150746,71.22929936305731,8.800212314225053,28.36995753715499,9.2995712137729,2.500495116772824,639,24,121,14,12,212,100,157,0.066,0.9009999999999999,0.034,-0.6833,0,0,3,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,3,10,2,0,1,9,0,11,5,0,2,0,29,16,15,0,3,7,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,7,12,4,1,3,2,0,6,2,1,0,1,6,2,21,1,20,8,1,26,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,9,91,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750527637090695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381246152217843,0.0,0.0,0.4862271861079021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274543701588897,0.0,0.0,0.0829919349687291,0.0,0.0,0.13061375571033298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169063279320112,0.0,0.12606345717726192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475462276265952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506759512660919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446642703982795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271607471572257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720108054011172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284551227364456,0.0,0.3370914050786972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687358416673168,0.0,0.0,0.08243965695127672,0.0,0.1270620699887856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892972980303344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727391455907333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276894315290347,0.10758740193860837,0.1474095751877355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25648012361189315,0.08245690286802769,0.0,0.0,0.15007588346592973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873694635743611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061795689679576,0.0,0.3064352803456838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404887758657995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141496436923803,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bathwizard,2020/02/14,"How do you know who you are? Um, I talked about this with my therapist because I have a habit of forcing/faking my self to think and feel things I don't or at least try to appear I do. I ignore my actual feelings just to go along in life. I've been doing it since I was little. So I am confused by the concept of knowing myself. I was given some homework, to figure out my traits and make a drawing illustrating who I am. But are your traits really you? I don't understand this. I feel like I'm seperate from everything I do and am just the conciousness in my head that no one can really see. Did I neglect becoming a person? That doesn't make sense though.",2.5528475935828894,4.028485220588237,4.3288770053475965,86.04767379679144,75.47058823529412,7.592513368983957,24.128342245989305,8.296473431620573,1.4018323529411765,514,16,108,9,11,174,88,136,0.08800000000000001,0.8909999999999999,0.02,-0.8084,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,4,0,0,6,4,0,1,5,0,18,2,1,3,0,26,32,8,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,8,6,0,2,8,0,0,2,4,3,1,1,5,4,23,1,15,27,2,7,0,1,1,0,9,5,0,4,1,83,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.20393131903535866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739038478054546,0.2307985787907573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878149719436836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31699501449285145,0.14929314637452482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876639391923735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144705996651486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296964892121967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760657182812112,0.10209556247316533,0.20944976418540115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27898742052943626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416081626899859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18247057733733188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677519196173957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16652754106648876,0.0,0.2180084934684485,0.0,0.0,0.17286785959291925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796772448268496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426382995907757,0.1388349733215134,0.1339039659133227,0.2053187531993808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188160439461306,0.0,0.0,0.21755233344409305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sabimdlln,2020/02/14,"Had an episode/relapse last night. I’m disappointed at myself & can’t get out of this depression :| I’m sorry, I just need to get this bad energy off me. I can’t help but feeling terribly weak right now. I’ve had a hard month and know that I need to give myself some grace, but I completely lost it last night after getting triggered – once. My last episode has got to be about 5 months ago. I’m ashamed. My husband is scared of me – though he shouldn’t be cause I would much rather hurt myself than anyone else. In spite of my clozonapam (taken as needed, but I was weak last night so I took 4 not knowing it wouldn’t cause an OD) I cried for about 3 hours straight & some more today. I’m paralyzingly depressed (I haven’t been this down since at least 6-8 months ago) & I don’t know how to get rid of this .. energy. Whatever that used to work before, doesn’t. I am not suicidal atm, but I can’t lie, I’d much rather be dead. I just don’t want to be the one to do it. I’m not in the headspace to even think about my CBT & DBT coping techniques right now. Though I probably should but these emotions are so overwhelming. Should I just cry it all out? What would you suggest? *context* I’m diagnosed with bpd, ptsd, depression, social anxiety & general anxiety. I started my recovery about 8 years ago by seeing a psychiatrist & eventually a neuropsychologist. With my daily dose of pills, I also undergo cbt & dbt therapy every month. Why I blew up: Things have been intense at work lately for the past month >50hr weeks since one of my co-workers quit. Needless to say I’m completely exhausted, but for whatever reason I’ve also had insomnia for the past 2 months. I’ve broken down at least 4 times at work this past month & about the same amount when I’m not at the office. Things at home has been stressful as well. Financial stability is a concern of mine atm. Reaching out is very hard for me. During one of the worst times in my life, I got beaten up by a family member & when I asked my mom to help, she didn’t want to cause it was “inconvenient” for her & when I tried to run away, no other family member would help or accept me. Just like when I’m 15, I’ve always been petrified to talk to someone. Even friends who claim they’ll be there to talk to me if I wanted to. I’m so afraid that they’re going to be just as dismissive. Or maybe an inconvenience. So I hope it’s ok to share my pain here. Sorry I don’t mean to be a downer. I’m not usually like this. 🖤🖤🖤",2.4619649345930235,4.108290550781252,3.94200218023256,88.00801235465117,76.109375,7.575290697674418,23.23510174418605,8.356213837460157,1.2312957303779068,1950,58,425,36,43,646,243,512,0.205,0.6890000000000001,0.105,-0.9962,0,0,0,0,0,3,84.0,0,1,1,6,32,29,2,5,16,1,42,9,0,7,1,60,81,26,3,17,21,2,3,2,1,8,9,1,1,0,21,6,0,0,8,0,2,3,17,20,1,3,15,5,47,9,67,51,11,61,0,7,1,0,20,22,0,6,38,248,68,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625472938979386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796226001973627,0.04576196068077741,0.5958929288431741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414520264177743,0.0,0.0,0.03845522396973556,0.05635098850024532,0.0,0.0,0.05141482820902269,0.0,0.051671549434732345,0.0,0.045920248913018734,0.0,0.0,0.046798448396801376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926687337803722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694913946173233,0.0,0.0,0.11532674471060188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208233786350361,0.0,0.0,0.14210666479389625,0.05582085948733721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045942987603664345,0.0618642915015549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265008052889194,0.0,0.0463373961049608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036926694623883,0.0,0.0278081666436153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04249059309383826,0.0,0.11493477832765064,0.05275819253528277,0.03125609731482282,0.0,0.08797234791383524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853312870835623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059011259804398,0.0,0.055166536617691234,0.0546244911573489,0.05416102701460039,0.0,0.0588754915419033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906748396929311,0.1793197811073263,0.06203908059074108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03884605081555687,0.05373757223348588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060035789072102025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525194013073717,0.059907922639687576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441189343658728,0.3072869070972214,0.0,0.08085833612001309,0.12233887214973653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483304913349813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585700753188585,0.111802296109654,0.0,0.058520750748646766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575027540242742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592961339186397,0.0,0.06428862150984298,0.0,0.0,0.058496144358973615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05654613871021751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393437961334007,0.0,0.04373587052454888,0.05506165262382138,0.0,0.043825537320866984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909882747760387,0.0,0.0,0.0560625779987596,0.04659883152293856,0.0,0.0,0.12312941478208042,0.038927203019419265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299894784352861,0.0,0.0,0.06015785862070099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884091091584413,0.0,0.0,0.0628939325781214,0.0,0.07307520744948989,0.035239896163502274,0.10806866688100154,0.0,0.06413845737633066,0.0,0.05213078342520658,0.0,0.061103758650475626,0.03733939448525183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047499802847647085,0.0605714930380169,0.045378335287525134,0.09731607494578992,0.0,0.04411532516128301,0.0,0.04944896294318471,0.0,0.04962629353035816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015406240055807,0.0,0.0,0.11720500310270493,0.0,0.0,0.035416304294015384 bpd,-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_----,2020/02/14,"Why do people think that it’s ok to read your medication? Last week my ex-boyfriend decided to look through my medication and google what it was for, this eventually lead to us breaking up because i felt like it was a huge violation of privacy. Now I just go out of inpatient and my grandma is supposed to stay with me to and she also started telling me about all the side effects to my medications and told me that she had also googled them. I’ve also had friends in the past come across my medications and read what they’re for, and my parents always ask what my medications are for. I’m very open about being on antidepressants, but I don’t understand why people think it’s ok to look through my medications and especially google them. I also think that it could be really misleading, I’m on a mood stabilizer that’s used for epilepsy or bipolar, but I don’t have either of them. I just don’t understand how anyone could even think this is even socially acceptable and why everyone is surprised that I’m upset??",7.033987078910941,6.902233238578683,7.627032764190125,72.27859252422705,64.32994923857868,11.427595754499304,36.18320258421781,11.022393298168332,3.9794,816,36,155,21,11,271,107,197,0.049,0.8690000000000001,0.08199999999999999,0.494,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,1,3,2,12,9,1,1,4,2,17,7,0,4,1,34,35,16,0,2,6,1,1,1,1,0,7,0,0,0,15,12,0,0,10,2,0,3,3,2,0,0,6,3,24,6,25,25,2,19,0,0,2,0,13,9,0,1,6,108,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276883773930106,0.0852391846141862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162918473274826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957685809003475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244713130277964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824391932562305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16358173271431514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353227338670165,0.0,0.0,0.09788684157749633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835950132622423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914572398584596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058219626294471326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350315250589466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500475369956379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17204941284410452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6191916621161879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374869581564567,0.0,0.0977916019316402,0.14203949212495648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20493760322969345,0.0,0.06562637874798331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442577994676737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250832340494501,0.10918856063834738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953801884711797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625604296825765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788684157749633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21328955329262966,0.12322400552597575,0.08847620171503663,0.0,0.08452461917093028,0.0,0.0,0.08217205490753843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27731142195545444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sparklewormlogic,2020/02/14,"Out of interest, what do you score on this quick test? [take the test](https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/LSRP.php) I think of myself as extremely empathetic but my scores were higher than I expected, which is confusing. I am wondering if any of you had a similar results?",7.430999999999997,10.576480488888894,6.890833333333332,65.69625000000002,66.33333333333333,11.611111111111116,33.47222222222222,11.20814326018867,4.9302222222222225,222,10,33,8,4,69,40,45,0.055,0.843,0.102,0.2515,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,8,8,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,7,1,7,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,1,27,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4205775785799684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4650088996059565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962875601415558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6706991824656721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Scottish__,2020/02/14,Is it just me DAE: When with a crowd of people try to imagine putting themselves in someone else’s shoes and imagine what what they’re thinking at that exact moment in time or is it just me?,16.426923076923075,6.356890153846159,13.840512820512824,65.29615384615386,57.71794871794872,15.6,54.384615384615394,3.1291,5.041953846153846,152,6,31,0,1,47,32,39,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,9,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4116326994573401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416135479429553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4953538229603364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175088258695455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157368369579394,0.0,0.0,0.28732879298801617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33454758930045786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HeyAdoraEnergy,2020/02/14,"Can't be the only one pointedly Behaving this Valentine's Day My ex GF/FP had an... assortment of things I'm struggling not to think about today. Things that also affect me but I've become a hermit to avoid thinking about. I suppose it's stupid I wonder if she is eating okay tonight. Especially since thinking about how worthless I am and was to help her is making dinner... obnoxious to sit through. I'm having Valentine's dinner with my parents and keeping food down has been difficult at best. Not sure how to manage with these... anxieties. I'm drinking margaritas, but once again I'm not sure I deserve to eat. Happy Valentine's Day. I'm suffering.",3.0466523076923053,5.676376656000008,4.302400000000002,81.34258461538464,78.44,6.726153846153848,28.01538461538461,7.882392219407189,2.157972307692308,522,23,90,9,13,171,87,125,0.221,0.662,0.11800000000000001,-0.9116,1,1,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,7,11,1,2,3,1,10,6,0,4,2,22,21,8,0,1,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,6,2,4,2,0,0,4,6,0,1,3,0,9,5,15,17,1,9,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,2,5,57,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180906330660706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565536362637526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19584474153637466,0.0,0.0,0.1860946983249999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287236603212499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17371383959898554,0.0,0.3629014380154145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144256092478504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18876885459423445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118859158272211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15761719162850035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836775501772577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888484337919732,0.12016197918880682,0.1348658641134148,0.0,0.0,0.19690165558259975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763218973189253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668747727694995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853816306030536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342589078588395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23561756410131,0.3408736882054023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680861216005465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19230455103675748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hotsaucegoblin,2020/02/14,"everything gives me so much anxiety everyday i wake up and the anxiety hits me immediately. just the thought of going to the store gives me anxiety because i will be perceived in some way i can’t control. every single interaction i have, i overthink my response before i give it and then overthink what i said wrong and what i could have said better after. i am hyperaware of everything i do and feel i do everything in an embarrassing way even if no one says or does anything to indicate that, and especially if they do something that might or might not indicate i did something they don’t like i’ll deeply internalize it even though i know rationally not everyone has to constantly like or agree with me. just existing gives me anxiety, being perceived gives me anxiety, even in a good way because i could so easily fuck it up. i don’t even know who i am so i never know how i will respond do things and that gives me anxiety. some of this def has to do with me being trans and having expectations of myself i can never achieve but even then i wouldn’t say the average trans person constantly feels like their lungs are being crushed from the second they wake up from the weight of existence.",8.724069075029774,7.427129973799127,8.915117109964275,68.22506947201272,61.48908296943232,13.043429932512904,38.722111949186186,12.079253325248375,4.710472489082969,960,41,175,27,11,318,114,229,0.09300000000000001,0.841,0.066,-0.4617,0,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,4,3,12,8,1,1,8,0,29,5,3,2,2,39,46,20,0,6,10,0,3,3,0,5,0,4,0,1,11,9,1,1,8,0,1,1,9,3,0,2,4,7,34,5,20,30,4,18,0,0,0,1,18,6,1,9,11,140,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4143052684725141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427868294430923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004686268100138,0.0,0.07680708710820583,0.0,0.0,0.07983020758883154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19508427559177088,0.10123752729406214,0.1441351756404159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898967965572927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29808899946254197,0.0,0.07605039356912563,0.0862500773744605,0.24336744640336944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127927744979032,0.0644838399954381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344660459631585,0.0,0.5195304410997423,0.05129849111164632,0.07570824530498926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881840209244146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229369347434256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19150936395782167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635362366222072,0.0,0.13923263940963598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06116448294311784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881409025554255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717213923030763,0.1435613757383391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389775938951682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996666573679399,0.0,0.08868284948699379,0.07165866702614099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149394865497282,0.0,0.10991590580146762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868832093135686,0.0,0.0 bpd,SadAndHopelesss,2020/02/14,Alone but want to talk In the span of a few months my ex husband left me and my most recent relationship went downhill very quickly. I’m left with no one to talk to and I don’t know what to do. Where does everyone go when they need a friend but are completely alone? How do you stop yourself from reaching out to the people that hurt you/you hurt them?,2.5900456621004544,4.159126109589046,3.2180136986301378,93.66117579908678,75.57534246575342,6.510502283105023,23.125570776255714,7.1686216300943375,0.5537872146118716,278,8,63,3,6,87,55,73,0.22899999999999998,0.6779999999999999,0.09300000000000001,-0.9127,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,2,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,1,0,12,10,6,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,1,0,7,1,10,9,2,13,0,2,0,0,9,6,0,1,5,39,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.398476237113668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20169710937115407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834497140738666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18381853012661625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486251922569917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932875100988973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118738107663268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057219531899017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41802284425036174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535485262568917,0.0,0.0,0.1426405004797392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303554233551056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336568144182015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899429436329664,0.20653423167077706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083059109493505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092407022167023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872604535116935,0.1134652738828701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783296461301177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Tyler080721,2020/02/14,"I’m never gonna be capable of having a relationship No one wants me to begin with, but even if I had a relationship I’d ruin any chance I had",3.055,2.9294695,6.875000000000004,74.27000000000002,72.75,10.15,25.375,10.125756701596842,2.2755125,112,3,25,3,2,44,26,32,0.263,0.6579999999999999,0.078,-0.7088,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,8,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,3,0,3,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586729146638509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512388311566069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29337417388092796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577567979803655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8167761779082039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22435925506791202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Underskorburd,2020/02/14,"Everything is getting worse. My mom was diagnosed with cancer today and we are facing homelessness. Icing on the cake, my emotions are all over between hate, anger, and depression. And I gave up on any kind of divine intervention. I just hate this life. I even set up a go fund me to keep us under a roof and now, mom has cancer. Fuck this life and everything about it. I'm going to get drunk tonight.",2.3453846153846167,4.759389884615388,3.643269230769232,86.30798076923078,79.64102564102564,6.976923076923077,22.57051282051281,8.07648339933343,1.3491743589743588,313,10,61,6,8,102,59,78,0.33299999999999996,0.633,0.034,-0.9839,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,2,0,0,0,4,7,4,0,3,0,5,8,1,0,1,10,15,5,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,7,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,5,0,0,2,0,8,2,12,13,1,12,1,1,0,1,5,6,1,0,3,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076343978646732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561864672521698,0.19516977379082864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162997827152287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700538752834686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456347701298759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777685250678228,0.20092663291932286,0.0,0.2185650847566013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796921019179324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17091572433738492,0.0,0.20023990235075625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716394917587796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4504142281904293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18226794252324732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313005675750135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19595940711942475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shes_thriving,2020/02/14,Anyone have any tips on dealing with breakups? Just got broken up with on valentine's day yeehaw 😔🤘 and I thought previous valentines days spent single were bad enough,3.4120967741935497,6.5563030322580635,2.6583064516129045,89.80745967741936,83.19354838709677,4.390322580645162,27.10483870967742,5.985473137389443,1.1291870967741942,138,6,23,1,4,40,29,31,0.20199999999999999,0.7979999999999999,0.0,-0.765,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,5,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,12,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624729940679097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26987936131725354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32226902274520863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4978377398029731,0.39791836254624585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988104272555983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30869565455203274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064172518774808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,survival1000,2020/02/14,Self destructive behaviour is a go!!! Drinking too much and have work tomorrow....,4.645384615384618,8.141969307692314,5.098846153846154,70.08365384615385,86.69230769230771,11.830769230769231,37.269230769230774,10.125756701596842,6.404107692307693,63,4,9,3,2,20,13,13,0.307,0.693,0.0,-0.7074,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5280721379535475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063593853697157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962700446289789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5623556113843861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3924410302036471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Freight_Momboa,2020/02/14,"What to do when ""I hate you mode"" is activated? When my girlfriend goes into ""I hate you mode"" and doesn't talk to me, do you think that I should tell her that I love and care for her during that time?? Something like ""I know you're upset and triggered but I'm still with you, you don't need to respond to this right now if you're still upset"" Would that be something to say during that time? Or would it be better to wait until she calms down and talks to me on her own accord??",1.4355665566556652,3.1027539207920825,2.455973597359737,97.44246424642463,79.0990099009901,4.884928492849285,17.16281628162816,5.033348758259628,-0.8532979097909791,370,6,87,1,9,117,60,101,0.091,0.779,0.13,0.6497,0,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,5,0,1,5,9,2,2,0,0,10,1,0,1,0,17,19,10,0,5,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,17,5,13,14,1,12,0,0,0,1,16,4,0,2,9,61,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19278284097875395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22224196153997847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4304140918637888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979439534579205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649249551796762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19673264899616147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162709816851625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861510686879013,0.0,0.1733439678135532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356185107459297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34815324368571104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504031265087946,0.19052140511121424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967078631464153,0.0,0.0,0.25420814900238675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096890499225178,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,witchhy,2020/02/14,"starting anew my boyfriend/fp broke up with me and he said “i’m not even attracted to you anymore anyway. he’s broken up with me a lot but this time, i couldn’t leave it open anymore, i had to block. i deactivated the reddit account he knew and he lives over 600 miles away so he’s pretty much gone from my life now and i can pretend he doesn’t exist.",0.06946666666666701,2.2865740800000007,1.9773333333333305,95.72866666666668,88.2,4.4,19.0,5.82211442006289,-0.3290000000000002,276,8,63,2,9,91,56,75,0.16699999999999998,0.769,0.064,-0.5645,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,12,9,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,0,1,1,1,1,1,3,1,0,0,4,1,9,1,9,4,2,10,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,1,3,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5799467989694382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27471105969784043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19312156135780809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095999528122132,0.0,0.0,0.20652447819659744,0.0,0.0,0.2581866946959531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485804538866257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149410985729233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974668612145913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781308892637789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069559227374277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049559947386778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Cchronicpain,2020/02/14,"Has this ever happened to you? Today my mom gave me my birthday present, It was a new perfume I've never tried on, I didnt like it but I tried it on and I started having a panick attack. It felt so weird like I wasnt myself and I was wearing someone elses body.and it weirded me out badly I swear to god. Is this a bpd thing or just something weird?",-0.5984000000000016,1.5784849600000044,1.6523333333333312,96.5745,92.73333333333332,3.0,20.833333333333336,3.1291,-0.4640666666666666,272,10,59,0,10,91,51,75,0.257,0.7090000000000001,0.034,-0.9456,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,3,7,1,0,3,0,7,1,1,0,2,9,11,5,0,0,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,6,2,12,2,5,5,0,9,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,8,43,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876027812679138,0.0,0.0,0.21108205396729265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183997092921533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21118657712732813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22867707106192706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427329495294292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22355509115746627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24701601996421496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960827758636691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949792061105574,0.2441611517069029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21420130123791786,0.19462204436928868,0.0,0.0,0.1789370520204494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679527577446479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396300782506652,0.0,0.0,0.3432767142343361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kalkat_99,2020/02/14,"Need suggestions/advice please I know every med works differently for everyone but im just wondering what med combos people have had success with in treating their bpd. I seem to be doing well on cymbalta, but get irritable with alot of mood stabalizers or add on medsI have tried 🙁 I feel my options might be limited because im terrified to take anything that will cause weight gain. Any suggestions?",5.751552511415525,8.105875410958909,6.450890410958905,70.48309360730596,68.86301369863014,10.346118721461188,32.714611872146115,10.504223727775694,4.1457050228310495,327,15,52,10,6,107,60,73,0.141,0.695,0.16399999999999998,0.2382,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,4,2,4,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,1,0,17,15,3,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,5,3,9,10,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,6,0,30,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864498582294878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975214790119755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570140851188083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116311347880303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403088934547139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19600658296543316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19934785630963234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607592177978488,0.1823198319298536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647540634121284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968635818394728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4121985819642062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485998731249646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4238768179782511,0.0,0.0,0.2024111520398599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414775325204858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227833237995354,0.0,0.0,0.20944369474478866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369930278895288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345962930492492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295422780532927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23234587240005414,0.1715542363592187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20691702067030507,0.13890639074939967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tamemsc,2020/02/14,"dae get random weird bursts of anxiety? idk if this is a symptom of bpd but every now and then i’ll get a wave of anxiety come over me and i’ll be so self conscious and nervous about everything? i’m a shy but otherwise not really an anxious person in general, so it’s really odd and unlike me. it’s not triggered by anything specific either, like for example just now i saw that i got an email that i’ve been waiting for and i’m too scared to open it for some reason? like every time i go to open it i start feeling really scared and sick? but say if i got this email yesterday i would’ve had no problem opening and reading it. it’s so strange.",0.7312009803921526,2.9421001102941204,3.2165882352941177,88.14998039215689,84.66176470588233,6.861960784313728,23.772549019607844,8.021203637495839,1.5406525490196077,509,20,107,11,15,176,82,136,0.253,0.6759999999999999,0.071,-0.9779,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,3,5,0,4,2,0,2,0,29,16,16,0,3,9,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,2,10,11,0,1,3,1,0,2,3,5,0,0,5,3,8,2,12,10,2,13,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,4,8,64,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746220682280565,0.2027750843616964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770677870423135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22606412997480985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461662842312007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30245982314216985,0.0,0.16131600671428084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075664443772467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18755452209227635,0.0,0.10200954801756396,0.0,0.28711260264980043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538163513777644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567256570351269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17174978494998844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17954076320865298,0.0,0.3449618793626799,0.18454786577696786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427393938349472,0.3594059898573729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18724950003811044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270454959748202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18656111181783652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466333946945562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750610194525802,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdrelationships,2020/02/14,"How do I know if my romantic feelings are genuine or just an attempt at gaining validation, doubting I can even feel genuine romance I’m in a bit of a tail spin right now so sorry if this is a bit of a rant. I’ve been out of the dating game for a long time after a serious relationship came to a bad end and I really thought I’d achieved the growth and self reflection to do things differently. I went out with a mutual friend on a couple dates and after some consideration decided I couldn’t see things going any further, I felt no chemistry, I called it off, I was 100% happy with that choice. A week later I’ve heard through said mutual friends that he’s started seeing another girl and it’s going great, and I do not understand the feelings of jealously and remorse I’m experiencing. I’m doubting everything, I feel betrayed that he could move on so quickly, it’s all ridiculous considering how happy I was at the time to end things. But even though I know my feelings aren’t reasonable they feel indistinguishable from genuine attraction and interest in another person. Though that can’t be the case. I’m now doubting I have the capacity to understand the difference between wanting somebody and wanting them to want me, and it’s making me feel awful about myself. I made this throw away because I don’t really think there’s anyone I could talk to that would understand what I’m experiencing as anything but melodrama, and also I’m trying to distract myself from reaching out to him as I’m self aware enough to know that regaining his interest won’t solve my problems and would be an ultimately unkind thing to do. Anyone who’s been here and has some wisdom to share, please help?",6.0321260073260055,6.910409326153848,6.893098901098902,73.20728205128206,66.50769230769231,10.128937728937727,33.93772893772893,10.181067101454742,3.5673575091575094,1361,60,243,32,21,453,174,325,0.10099999999999999,0.754,0.145,0.943,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,3,16,21,2,4,19,1,24,0,0,5,1,64,61,26,0,11,7,0,8,0,2,3,0,2,0,4,18,18,0,0,20,1,0,7,7,10,0,0,11,14,27,11,38,42,6,35,0,0,2,0,21,13,0,8,15,164,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650861116488061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506002587186052,0.2006402049761884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337917319222474,0.0,0.07872964421255561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988669647873597,0.0,0.07988185996795434,0.05832057060084815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20889740045457975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769148614461218,0.10942291931906728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527721096669438,0.10585889869034057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999130942923668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694734304056773,0.09885442427080247,0.0,0.1263804900200408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598354067308447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386213464563189,0.0,0.0918598200059342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783141153727622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874484559423067,0.0,0.0,0.10547836940939193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036885733454708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412671314224742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773596655992667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466642976675044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052686068712118,0.0638615920022729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168385938753363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353682427847221,0.0,0.10501877941296292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154488088709616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225794612243268,0.09836642529386448,0.0,0.1027155845351698,0.0,0.08170309543250491,0.0910056801211879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247589105699869,0.0,0.1996128633540776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709661753128903,0.06771691038590585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768972756557074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542400630130045,0.06130255208220482,0.18799388764341451,0.07595263050024635,0.11157385667489501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495479341170263,0.0,0.0,0.29879279139935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692889140513046,0.0,0.07674205411319751,0.0,0.0,0.0886886096025154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359248387805026,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,x3milesdown,2020/02/14,"What can I do better? I just joined this Sub today so I dont know a lot of the terminology used. My girlfriend has BPD and I just today reading here learned about the concept of a favorite person. I love her more than everything and I try to remind her of that as much as I can. We have been together for almost 2 years and living with eachother almost 1. Every now and then we will fight and I find myself doing things wrong. The hardest thing I think for me to understand is that just because she has ""good days"" and doesnt seem depressed or like life in general is difficult doesnt mean that she isnt struggling. I think my mind thinks shes getting better and then I get a little lazy in how I care for her. That's something I'm trying hard to understand and get better with, my question to this community is what are some things that maybe I could look out for or be doing differently to be a better and support her in the best way possible?",2.9439062500000013,4.671133078125003,4.208749999999998,86.26125,74.98958333333334,6.883333333333333,24.5,7.645422480735847,1.1717125,749,24,152,10,16,246,113,192,0.059000000000000004,0.743,0.198,0.9816,1,0,1,0,1,0,12.0,2,0,0,5,8,15,1,1,8,0,22,2,0,2,0,39,39,17,0,1,5,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,12,14,0,0,11,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,2,27,10,22,34,5,13,0,1,1,1,14,5,0,8,8,115,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419058129764716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363195732914479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676078254137044,0.4273128225960709,0.0,0.0,0.1521297320608903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315260969647407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644032409309318,0.0,0.0,0.07789902245741008,0.0,0.10403553572270292,0.0,0.0,0.12619897470840916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156400845993464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177008590201768,0.0,0.10855751808706188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103991137319317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932206889181644,0.0,0.0,0.10131222557285664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082033715287945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638256930247424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531696341974912,0.05901148750331106,0.1210624814868611,0.10665905068101256,0.0,0.10143248185107287,0.0,0.0,0.10269063346051002,0.10901694247339233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213489571278752,0.13157481744209873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219626292767091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879393863854786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054684447925357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617164104856005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531151507511371,0.0,0.12082185795678267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996192447378816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298940482346807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126275067347695,0.0,0.0,0.13707011948457068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240740873395112,0.2321904699789891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289880206175319,0.0,0.0,0.16401583618059967,0.0,0.0,0.2514915730980297,0.0,0.10432306133871044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958768214220078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206399634975025,0.0,0.07778426569696849 bpd,lovejd77,2020/02/14,"""You've never been broken before, or maybe you have but you lie to yourself a lot."" Someone I knew told me that once last year, until now it still pierce through my soul. They were right, I'm not sure if I'm a broken person, maybe because I kept convincing myself I am okay even if I feel it's not. Maybe I don't. Maybe I am a broken person. Thinking that sentence over and over again, somehow I feel confused, hurt, and lost... Kind of unrelated to BPD but I find it here safe to vent...",1.1854000000000011,3.231110740000002,2.588000000000001,94.31900000000002,81.6,4.800000000000002,20.0,5.6839178017228535,-0.2003999999999997,374,10,82,2,10,121,68,100,0.096,0.7140000000000001,0.19,0.8246,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,1,1,6,8,0,1,3,1,6,0,0,0,2,21,15,8,0,2,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,2,5,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,6,2,14,5,8,9,1,10,1,2,0,0,6,3,0,6,7,53,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024206375083661,0.0,0.14296874322690076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21160953350734832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097259700236914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699072842232794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356304543472316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798639767122548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749621997917576,0.0,0.1369549879264248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340867285805965,0.1428406975268648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6751762686114495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958384585342014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17893093352245526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934091594056198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434842463712509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423589158808941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417732743641633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583525402367426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107657493753292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054592915465682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819641864457516 bpd,mts1028,2020/02/14,"where to start i’ve struggled for years with many of the same symptoms, and they line up with bpd to a t. i’m terrified of getting help because i always think it won’t work and what if that means i’m stuck like this my whole life so i choose to suffer in ignorance i suppose. anyways my bf is pushing me to get help, but i’m unsure of where to start. i’ve never seen a therapist, so i’m unsure if i should schedule an appointment with one straight away, or if i should talk to my doctor (i still see my pediatrician even though i’m 18). i hope this post isn’t breaking any rules, as i’m not looking for a diagnosis here, and honestly it might not even be bpd, but i was just wondering what others experiences were when first getting help so i can get an idea of where to start. thank you",2.6143356643356626,3.9620625454545504,4.02060606060606,88.8432167832168,75.06060606060606,7.258741258741258,25.41958041958042,7.882392219407189,1.218426573426573,620,21,138,9,13,205,100,165,0.08900000000000001,0.7759999999999999,0.135,0.8631,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,1,2,15,7,0,1,6,0,10,3,0,0,1,27,32,15,0,6,9,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,5,0,0,1,5,3,0,2,4,3,16,4,20,23,2,19,0,1,3,0,7,7,0,7,10,90,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242767734627345,0.0,0.0,0.10005649454416844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823769104444678,0.0,0.0,0.08969181576456202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706214637028728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059837894733732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943618779845704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392575819951334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515251688634405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30748678045330713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958634293947252,0.0,0.0,0.1461377414588231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609692311147722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039254372993169,0.07188247680935585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235559097534366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917127305744987,0.0,0.1602725869763276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608643600394814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347918457741472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970213419661482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409141638985955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724713414431916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124276351159207,0.0,0.11750178894585905,0.0,0.0,0.15381690894863878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292906561440447,0.0,0.11826112484585576,0.0,0.13546166468214715,0.0,0.17083447625825812,0.0,0.09427783628671532,0.14455888344079146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642703968576657,0.0,0.0,0.1595610715096523,0.107115656680695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947497836718891 bpd,tootsboots12,2020/02/14,"DAE feel bad for their partner? I feel like I’m not fit to be in a relationship because all I do is hurt them over and over. I seem to lack empathy to see their side of arguments and every little fight (which I pick!) balloons into something huge that I apply to the fate of our relationship, like welp that must mean we’re not supposed to be together if we’d get into such a big fight over something so basic! They have said they walk on eggshells around me which I know is a toxic thing and they said they lack confidence/trust in me coming out of my Red Zone mood swing so they’re constantly on edge wondering if I’m mad. I feel terrible for them because of course it sounds like they are in an abusive relationship... with me.",4.407551020408164,5.2658710136054445,5.073612244897961,84.86960204081635,70.15646258503399,8.60108843537415,27.62517006802721,8.841846274778883,1.8839284353741488,577,19,121,10,10,186,91,147,0.203,0.735,0.062,-0.9691,0,0,2,0,2,0,13.0,2,0,9,0,4,10,3,0,5,0,9,0,0,1,2,25,23,7,0,5,4,0,3,3,1,1,0,3,0,1,6,9,0,0,7,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,2,8,22,3,24,17,3,20,0,1,2,0,19,17,0,4,4,78,28,0,0.0,0.1993748633484282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979780035726936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050013312583975,0.2051541598225492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144951471356789,0.0,0.18184230644373428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417764597440153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552502136572136,0.12021358623138367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791520101737528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18013870994374093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247791805420844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24662767182399825,0.16865280087861528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18329759322759928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5419836233312247,0.0,0.0,0.3201305071605464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409103769356034,0.15318855457724825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590880904289968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179247301445808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18248386035508346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sweetnlow99,2020/02/14,"I am dumb What the fuckk is wrong with me?!!! Today is literally Valentine’s Day and I’m in bed crying holding a paper towel to my bloody leg. This morning my boyfriend and I got into a huge argument that I started. I don’t even know how I forced things to get bad, but basically I had a total meltdown while cooking him breakfast, and told him to shut up because he got annoyed I was crying over eggs. He ended up leaving to go back to his apartment and I decided to run a razor over my legs. I literally haven’t self harmed in so long and I’m so confused how I let eggs ruin my entire day. I’m pissed at myself and have no idea what to do now because my leg is fucked and I’m supposed to see him later. I don’t even know if this post is something I should even put out on the internet because I’m so embarrassed and disappointed in myself.",2.0593220338983045,3.6498870225988753,4.145333333333337,86.35969491525425,77.07909604519773,6.527909604519775,25.92429378531073,7.3011,1.2364910734463277,661,25,139,8,15,227,103,177,0.305,0.6859999999999999,0.008,-0.9958,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,10,11,4,2,6,0,14,9,4,2,1,23,29,16,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,6,11,4,1,4,1,0,3,4,11,0,0,5,1,24,0,20,22,1,28,0,2,1,1,8,14,3,2,10,93,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291488758378098,0.14432677247579934,0.3161125589893906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797463796646015,0.22295445460551372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309829566227975,0.0,0.0,0.34250745230180624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980173703744166,0.09030964549360493,0.0,0.09823752598080862,0.0,0.2764959977802371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951323464594132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18999326393649754,0.0,0.0,0.18302857247859425,0.0,0.17675603161542916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297130725531558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655473860430546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376709930156628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377431199364684,0.0,0.18032554777833215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330722862911581,0.0,0.0,0.12234771601401673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483723508513362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638464053765591,0.165170437439956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18898989583137105,0.0,0.0 bpd,thedepressedbadger,2020/02/14,"Losing FP My husband has been my favorite person for about 7 years now and he is now wanting a divorce and says he can’t be around me or detail to me anymore and that he no longer loves me. How do you get through daily Life without your favorite person that you’ve had for years???",11.097931034482755,5.684581551724143,9.961379310344828,75.29655172413794,61.06896551724138,11.6,42.793103448275865,3.1291,3.1693172413793107,222,8,46,0,2,70,44,58,0.075,0.765,0.16,0.7536,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,2,0,1,5,2,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,1,0,8,10,5,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,7,1,7,7,0,5,0,1,0,1,11,1,0,1,4,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959141603693464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656226966952609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589196048971174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107555992027608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33381245123378456,0.0,0.0,0.2693008531163247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5210702394522593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372848566465927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759930739990609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28762901118496104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842956633338546 bpd,randomaccount24816,2020/02/14,"DAE sleep for the majority of the day when they're in a depressive episode? Lately I've been sleeping for 12 hours easily and up to 16 if I have no reason to get up. My schedule has pretty much been to go to sleep at 4-5am, wake up at 4-7pm and repeat. If I have work or something important in school to go to, I stay up for (easily) 24 hours+ and then go to sleep when I get home, butchering my sleep schedule. For this reason I find it almost impossible to keep a good sleep schedule as I will sleep straight through an alarm if I don't get at least 10 hours.",7.726806722689076,4.499016470588238,8.0701512605042,79.59396638655461,64.96638655462185,11.536806722689073,34.72436974789916,9.3871,2.7215028571428577,436,13,101,6,5,145,71,119,0.062,0.833,0.105,0.6124,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,5,0,7,8,8,2,0,12,14,11,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,3,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,2,0,9,1,24,11,3,26,0,1,0,0,0,10,0,5,12,60,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264861692076525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255069261324759,0.0,0.09689274569779116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281941817074032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763237431199329,0.0,0.19180241712945745,0.09435641043530367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112842783509379,0.0,0.3323580609242509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999172280070638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690052646837513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269759420417551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444899994110745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23132950081633866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138520821224508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7880415628564776,0.0,0.0,0.08660501137000502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990589878514395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189851719737201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fukstingrays,2020/02/14,Can anyone help me one on one with my BPD symptoms? I just need someone to please help me in private messages on how to deal with some things relating to BPD.,4.9684375,5.3181589687500015,5.031250000000004,87.48875000000002,68.6875,7.65,31.625,7.1686216300943375,1.774575,125,5,26,1,2,39,24,32,0.0,0.784,0.21600000000000005,0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,8,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746017370543618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6392947492061358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26165269323810675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402284278671365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188186634232976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439576879316464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785919663225215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215040659834386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637913834549771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16861088909211774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,krokantekrab,2020/02/14,I wish i got help for this disorder earlier. Now I've ruined so many things because i didn't understand my emotions,3.569565217391304,5.657084434782611,5.312391304347828,77.45815217391308,74.21739130434783,9.817391304347826,33.23913043478261,10.125756701596842,3.974321739130435,94,5,17,3,2,32,20,23,0.23,0.556,0.214,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,10,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21668025833672994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4073788213658549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998356912796668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842874595980751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382520031404747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36037256807636175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361465344288108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700380989792208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4087522924737973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Z33b0theKing,2020/02/14,"Thoughts of an Insomniac: My first Reddit post Background noise of a hopeless existence echoed around the room, bouncing its way through my ear canal and finding a place to rest in the crevices of a fractured mind. “Why do I feel so hopeless?” I thought to myself. Well, I have no job, no money, no motivation (other than two beautiful baby girls), and my legal situation felt dire. My freedom in jeopardy, all I could think about was running away; leaving my family behind and starting anew. Of course I always wanted to leave my original family behind, turning and running as fast as humanly possible until I couldn’t run anymore. They are the reason I’m in this mess, particularly my mother. Yet not having a father was painful for me as a child, how could I do the same to these two innocent children. It’s not their fault their father was “born under a bad sign”, or “cursed to wander and be persecuted by every and all forms of life, until it felt as though the very Universe hated me”. How long had I felt this way? My whole life it’s seemed. But these thoughts were my own, no one else’s. When I share them, I’m immediately offered medical diagnoses. “Well it sounds like you’re depressed.” a friend would say. “Maybe you are bipolar, a form of manic depression that has highs and lows.” Well yea jackass I don’t need a PHD(psychiatric huge doo-doo) telling me how I feel. I know I have highs and lows. That doesn’t mean I’m sick or need to take meds. My life is one big, long drag, and the fact I have highs is a testament to my perseverance. It shows the inner strength of character and mental prowess. “But do you feel as though you can operate on little sleep? Have you gone over 24-36 hours without sleep?”. “Well yea but....” and the scribbling on the notepad begins smh. “Well it sounds like you suffer from Mania.” “Like I’m a maniac?” “Precisely, but not really, because that’s politically incorrect in today’s overly sensitive world. The point is that it’s ok to be a ‘not a Maniac’, we will put you on some mood stabilizers....” “I don’t want drugs!” Oh.... well that’s rather peculiar.” And that’s about as far as these jack wads go because I’m not wealthy enough for therapy. I’m not a fortunate son. I get the doctors I’m forced to see when the government thinks they have the right to meddle in my personal affairs. I get the pharmaceutical companies trying to shove their addictions down my throat instead of actual therapeutic, intellectual conversation to help offer me a form of guidance in a world shrouded in fog. I don’t need a green pill, I need that green light at the end of the dock (kudos to those who pick up on the great literature references)to give me a purpose, a sense of direction. Most would say it’s my children, and my whole life, it was. I wanted to be a father more than anything. But now I have them, and my purpose to provide for them has been hindered significantly by more factors than I can list. So I’ll try to list them for you now (lol). #1)Being born: what a journey that was I’ll tell you. Hours of “am I gonna make it?” “I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe.” (RIP Eric Garner, May we never forget you were put in a choke hold by those paid to serve and protect us, which led to an unfortunate series of events that ended in your death; All because he was “allegedly selling loose cigarettes.”) only to come out into this terrible world where people are constantly being abused, mistreated, and forced to suffer injustices. And honestly all of that wouldn’t be much different than most of written history, but now we live during a period of a facetious lie, where we are all led to believe we “have the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”... *newborn baby jaw drops to floor* like seriously guys? I was just born yesterday and I’m more perceptive than the rest of you lol (except lol wasn’t a thing in 1992 so I should be receiving royalties cuz I lol’ed before any one in mankind history ever did). This is the greatest, most elaborately deceitful form of oppression I’ve ever seen in all of my lives. At least before they tried to lie and say the king or emperor was the same as those mystical beings who controlled the sun and the weather and killed babies in the night for no apparent reason *cough cough SIDS cough cough* excuse me sorry had a frog and some locusts in my throat. That’s why it kind of made sense why the king killed people left and right, because God does too so like I guess we are just pawns on the chess board the size of the Earth, am I right guys? But now... now we are a society of individuals, everyone believing they live a life of freedom and happiness. But that happiness comes with a clause. You’re only allowed to be happy if you follow all these rules and it’s a very, very long list of rules. We also have to work rigorously so another man (usually a man, usually white Anglo-Saxon Protestant man) can reap a majority of the benefits. Then we pay a portion of those meager earnings to a government believed to be in the favor of the common man, but then turns around and gives big tax breaks to The Man (figuratively speaking, ok ladies? Calm down! I know there are some women members of “The Man” entity that enslaves all of humanity and your need to be “included and equal” knows no bounds. HAHA jk you have to laugh at the messed up nature of all things in order to keep from breaking down and crying so yea I’m making a #metoo joke to keep from crying about how women have been more oppressed than men all through out history and I’m unwillingly a member of the oppressing group in this scenario because I was born male) because (oh btw I do this thing with parentheses; they’re like tangent thoughts and if I close the parentheses and you forgot what I was talking about see where the parentheses started and connect the train of thought back to the tracks ok? Choo-Choo bye bye now.) it’s like a trickle down form of economics. So let me see if I get this straight? The Man (kind of like ye Kings of Olde) have all the wealth and then let some trickle down to the 99% of the population in exchange for devout loyalty (to the greenback; a fiat currency system; dollar dollars bills y’all $$) and servitude is the system receiving a “thumbs up” from the government that supposedly represents the 100% of a nation’s population? Hmmm why does one day old me find that hard to believe. “You better believe it kid,” the nurse said to me, “you were just born yesterday so come on, you’re like the epitome of a ‘person who has no idea of how things work’ which is why we have the expression ‘I wasn’t born yesterday’ which you were...so ...yea.... it’s a good system. Just look at me I’m a RN and I only have to work 60+ hours a week, and I get a lovely 2 bedroom apartment in a bad neighborhood in exchange for my sweat, blood, and tears in a field of service that is arguably the most prestigious in all the world. Sure, do the board members of this hospital work 40-50 hours a week and get to fly all over the world, have a large mansion, just cut our pay raises, and are trying to rewrite our union contract to allow us to work even longer hours with less breaks, but they earned that, right? Sure, I take care of a half a dozen newborns every night, 6 nights a week, and when I go home I have to take care of my own kids, clean the house and cook a meal or two with very little to no sleep, but I have the good life. Sure those board members have maids and nannies to take care of their children and home, but they earned it in a perfectly equal, not inherited way, they earned it.... they earned it.”. And of course I was the only baby in the whole nursery just like “no way, you don’t say, do go on” while the rest fell asleep as this woman rambled about how she was “grateful” to be a maternity nurse; I heard, through her forced smile, the silent tears she wasn’t allowed to cry. So yea, that’s reason #1 tune in next time for reason #2 and more!!",4.539245460421932,5.736411526826117,5.218800082270672,82.69525071986837,70.12475759534583,8.573095140153965,28.22006816712699,8.944786921046934,2.1237186037491917,6220,219,1237,114,110,2009,609,1547,0.10400000000000001,0.7559999999999999,0.14,0.9968,9,0,2,0,1,2,220.0,14,21,16,20,58,73,7,0,119,12,99,35,12,23,22,208,182,103,3,19,35,5,7,10,1,7,20,10,6,27,68,70,2,7,28,4,14,19,30,24,6,10,39,26,129,48,196,120,50,183,1,8,8,1,117,88,0,18,75,808,197,21,0.0,0.04680388094925887,0.03854864116956397,0.04306344348808737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03159005259829023,0.0328691587638219,0.0,0.0,0.026862984545739717,0.04142170751779987,0.0,0.0,0.03917576319990746,0.0,0.0,0.03250710689754276,0.07033101662499779,0.0,0.0,0.03711380230821955,0.030374904945179682,0.06596570293502517,0.14448176732990625,0.0,0.06722726069301188,0.22252837081240665,0.0,0.034936660006328134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082597927349835,0.0,0.0,0.10208345166782848,0.0,0.04268805765879054,0.044305297177366185,0.0630788993088638,0.0,0.13017458460006162,0.025475778104533574,0.0,0.06804671328210589,0.040094101422384926,0.0,0.04127159719428868,0.0,0.04043237717557596,0.06913762760970367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04581023932333533,0.0,0.03299918384536077,0.0,0.06997479759488166,0.04081653574338832,0.0,0.026090960653611883,0.07146435925841488,0.06656494637109525,0.037746233158644435,0.0,0.0,0.07447868851116382,0.0,0.05992079649181761,0.0,0.11378548773039132,0.0,0.07220895039882033,0.03360071869691775,0.0,0.0,0.030519453921846212,0.0,0.1031918601207115,0.07578859737375368,0.06735036762159066,0.06626547282750997,0.0,0.043551532133340835,0.04351634382025741,0.0782271671493068,0.0,0.1682041445449145,0.03538638863840786,0.03900043881767176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02647762402526715,0.12520935374502387,0.0792482500121008,0.0,0.19450951939897348,0.04558046242909141,0.0,0.04459339794948453,0.0,0.0,0.03920003368926482,0.07022309093423272,0.0874070989970889,0.08227133533765407,0.06512845292057141,0.0,0.0,0.08365466942572396,0.0429194699082983,0.080787754575974,0.19531197851368776,0.19298875824465528,0.07918355886505991,0.10464402076965487,0.10487513479536834,0.03317206453576305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03565245555687531,0.037378123156638174,0.052736313459272016,0.0,0.03968546725597882,0.043029690842809394,0.04387825787407251,0.03979450910097152,0.039809125099475776,0.0,0.039886160088821135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029038806989137456,0.14645263416221727,0.03046668380152545,0.0,0.0420112473400779,0.11121097081824444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290224123786273,0.0,0.10707138611251817,0.12017341181769553,0.042033335519719314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05477197650962535,0.06898393874028136,0.04127159719428868,0.0,0.037342533455337536,0.04453301725807881,0.03783237684199308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942163921340509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025306247026243508,0.1624601728682452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16867415594525278,0.03757582549206096,0.1256555663751717,0.0,0.0,0.09443488801701233,0.035961498610246424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044402349298392194,0.11859277543556772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04421969931752416,0.055919999809548496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169162500436408,0.0,0.11880354559957702,0.03175053037355459,0.06905367220967512,0.0,0.04517443362210991,0.0,0.10497454915062,0.050623081904150484,0.07762180894924621,0.15680245373364235,0.0230341653526964,0.0,0.03744365344916906,0.0,0.0,0.10727813819360753,0.08593452904495509,0.11576430579913202,0.0,0.09503303954583547,0.0,0.08701261884806498,0.13037445815822654,0.06989861164337725,0.12542065617064585,0.09505932034417403,0.0,0.21310439362821534,0.0,0.17822384537760358,0.13230904657054648,0.0,0.03807890104867324,0.0,0.14379107738728872,0.0,0.0,0.056122738880158785,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lordnsaviorpepe,2020/02/14,"I think I'm disconnected from reality My dreams keep on merging into reality when I wake up, why am I always so confused",1.6062499999999993,4.265183791666669,5.721666666666668,68.29000000000002,86.08333333333334,8.200000000000001,28.83333333333333,8.841846274778883,3.2671833333333336,97,5,17,3,3,37,20,24,0.126,0.76,0.114,-0.075,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.505713725927829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5402143270184244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38943478218669264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5484183245620322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LatestGlare,2020/02/14,"I live life even though I know I’ll eventually kill myself Might not be anytime soon, but I think it’s something that’ll inevitably happen. I feel like no matter how much progress I make or what I do, I’ll be the one to take my own life. It’s something I’ve just kind of come to terms with. Just a random thought I wanted to get out there",1.8803196347031952,3.2731211643835607,2.8947260273972617,95.97898401826487,77.08219178082193,5.414611872146119,21.755707762557076,5.46131890053228,-0.15402100456621026,267,7,63,1,6,85,54,73,0.083,0.797,0.12,0.3506,0,0,2,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,7,3,1,0,2,0,5,2,0,2,0,18,15,4,1,1,5,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,1,9,2,6,10,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121662056558408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626792599589542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453701186468898,0.17595723741371544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868192674922718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21780285612847106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724951826953338,0.2564842308079549,0.13536039887596638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.347938873735429,0.12033005908999315,0.0,0.2174879911340771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644076000193225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612860727839719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810593214178882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668996983937482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792285553392765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18518744034788495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781951478027842,0.24198914337005506,0.19553520831825594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452745079706217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rosesandpussies,2020/02/14,"DAE feel like two different people? I’m unsure if this is apart of my bpd, but usually I have “two” different personalities within myself. One of them, I’m very shy, vulnerable, extremely girly, perky, cheerful, etc. Then, my other would be more masculine, serious, very cocky, ruthless, etc. I’ve been told by many, many people that being around me is having a 2-in-1 friend and I wonder if anyone else experiences this?? Or is it just me??",3.1496944444444424,6.006990025,4.691666666666666,77.25777777777779,80.0,8.055555555555555,22.63888888888889,8.841846274778883,2.1598472222222216,342,11,59,9,9,114,62,80,0.13699999999999998,0.738,0.125,0.5982,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,0,0,10,14,6,0,3,5,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,8,3,5,9,3,5,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,4,3,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197084236159661,0.17541668741481492,0.0,0.15240608275158124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21562293402366534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35773931668418485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301730830045015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38187098499192856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16746841348314026,0.0,0.0,0.08656487855010586,0.12230674767819122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227024556595793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836406526468599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471439268231821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601091037258598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373798299803515,0.14948698853934222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16359085394742148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344789675253264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18855482296379225,0.282519170236093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856612731012989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161699341872885,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hiuokiam,2020/02/14,"Need someone with BPD to help me. My gf has BPD and we fight like cats and dogs. I love her deeply despite the turmoil. Does she know what she is doing when she rages and is abusive? Does she feel bad? Is the relationship salvageable?",1.1409420289855063,3.731566717391303,1.7652173913043503,96.06202898550728,88.34782608695654,4.8057971014492775,20.71014492753623,6.42735559955562,0.16751884057971056,183,6,39,2,6,56,36,46,0.222,0.59,0.188,-0.4882,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,1,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,8,9,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,9,2,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,1,11,0,0,0,2,23,10,0,0.0,0.296303025025182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20880573289157967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6299321368316387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4376920842531997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644758584366222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676228538114492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743701892653296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217609246066245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257062922309927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18543059953603447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684915313296051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118913420192693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,flatwhitenofoam,2020/02/14,"My FP want things to change. At one point he was interested in me. For 4 months it was like we were dating with out the label, so I let my self get attached. But he wants to slow down and eventually stop what we have. He wants to stay friends and he promised me he’d stick around, be here for me. He just wants things way looser. I’m struggling really hard with change. I’ve never been romantically involved with my FP and this is so hard. I feel like im going through a bad break up. He wants me to be okay if he’s absent and like dosent message me every day and like I know you felt that pain right there. What do I do??,??",-0.1063636363636391,2.0832240454545463,1.4835606060606068,99.12034090909091,88.84848484848484,4.512121212121213,15.825757575757574,5.985473137389443,-0.8250696969696971,482,10,117,4,16,155,87,132,0.121,0.7240000000000001,0.155,0.6049,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,1,0,0,6,11,0,1,2,1,12,1,0,0,1,25,23,9,0,6,3,0,4,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,7,12,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,5,4,16,8,16,14,0,18,0,0,0,0,15,8,0,1,10,66,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167594203182188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288238324411258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367161059104357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263764225670527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408950895316196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047028369233024,0.11369574876089587,0.15280755620438188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295776720331116,0.0,0.08314854352565393,0.0,0.09044778285001956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851316637256557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17190773320467634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746387547896863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627401647727441,0.0,0.3110077509233096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703084624617694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274516522863935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784316948684816,0.0,0.16934526734479893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044681163500634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195462994228126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359119835698344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602663620571728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963116823134386,0.0,0.13305530562293802,0.0,0.1663766088394761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114624365460087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46934966138264395,0.12632470328112538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,muricaneurotrash,2020/02/14,"Weed is the only thing that's helped me be calm and nice... I hate being on meds but have tried consistently and intensely over the years and now I'm the most stable in years and it's because I'm stoned all the time... As the title says... Weed has been the only thing that's helped me over the years and that's not to say its without it's downsides... I'm completely dependant on weed for getting through my days and being a calm enough person to co parent and just exsist.. my wife always says ""I love stoned ""insert name"", he's nice and calm"" The one big downside is Its illegal and hard to find consistent doses... Just venting... And wishing I had a spliff.",1.9873776223776216,4.181080651515153,3.030606060606061,91.41975524475524,79.60606060606061,5.8797202797202806,20.759906759906762,7.010146845296331,0.4271927738927741,514,14,107,6,13,164,78,132,0.08,0.7609999999999999,0.159,0.9059999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,10,0,9,2,0,1,1,21,16,12,0,1,5,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,9,10,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,4,7,6,12,11,3,12,0,0,0,1,11,6,0,2,6,66,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534898313841762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244827947936452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934082624124957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896479960872827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19060187192361275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859785948252465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637545836786618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524459492350585,0.18212120428899195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472862829434529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648705344658266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048992628900396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249983998568991,0.280588208072145,0.0,0.0,0.2048267850043194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16106790565501766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4400824151142421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451009769451897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756314700551554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252397685385009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21212588712394534,0.17781787916302558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563686406878021 bpd,hfvl,2020/02/14,"How to stop splitting on FP? my bf of two years is so supportive of me, and knows i have bpd. he’s very patient and understanding and is overall a very amazing person. things have been really good with us, but lately i’ve been hitting a tough spot. i’ve been upset a lot lately, and i’ve been getting really annoyed with him and very nit picky lately. i don’t mean to be, and i feel bad when i notice myself snapping at him. i just don’t know how to stop?",2.8443303571428578,3.78498917708334,4.508571428571429,87.16500000000002,73.89583333333334,7.152380952380952,24.130952380952376,7.447530270364453,0.9525077380952376,355,10,77,4,7,120,61,96,0.18899999999999997,0.7440000000000001,0.067,-0.9173,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,0,5,7,1,1,3,0,11,0,0,2,0,20,19,11,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,8,0,2,5,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,4,1,11,3,9,13,1,9,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,7,49,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851225343282558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20893420543106145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387959379180725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866713243112004,0.0,0.0,0.13914169875777396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823389706113922,0.0,0.5613976224171549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103479718676148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807041895400087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888682725979917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484982923626172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21254834834309594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773850041381312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18825140960208056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021076642106832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16205163339822626,0.17269862796055274,0.1995467322015808,0.0,0.0,0.410632931647074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682851753087856 bpd,jungleboy99,2020/02/14,"I split and discarded my girlfriend and she aborted our child without telling me So after a bad episode and a lot of cruel words. I found out that my girlfriend had an abortion 9 days ago without telling me. It still hasn't sunk in We had a trip together and on the last day I split on her and said I don't want to be with you anymore and left her crying. A few days later she found out she was pregnant (Jan 15th)and kept it from me, when I was splitting I said some horrible words to her, like I would never want a child with her because of how she behaves and many other horrible things and during that time when she knew she was pregnant she begged me to fix things with her for days and days, I kept saying no and she decided to abort and just told me today. This situation makes me want to stay far away from women, I feel so terrible words can't explain",3.5101966783216803,4.6979698011363675,4.037727272727274,90.22755244755248,72.57954545454545,7.0062937062937065,27.174825174825173,7.321109707123232,1.214255769230769,679,24,146,7,13,214,100,176,0.168,0.818,0.013999999999999999,-0.9762,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,1,0,0,7,4,1,0,7,0,10,0,0,2,1,40,24,16,0,4,3,0,1,1,2,1,0,3,0,3,8,17,0,2,6,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,13,4,33,1,22,9,3,25,0,0,0,0,28,8,0,2,16,103,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946731613706688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448454914599038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722175386470764,0.0,0.12194828997159535,0.08903265219155186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043254078437705,0.4709610354040709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738488673233787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202795080217981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190528208238848,0.0,0.0,0.15868718830934492,0.0,0.0,0.0713541977256226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416917577445467,0.0,0.0,0.09749162003319746,0.14807498273819567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264520274606594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778600065880533,0.11614733689685527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16416987394173152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556732381424451,0.11663824416893145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25531380300831313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19406246261131294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516477353242426,0.0,0.13844132042109206,0.13956005565800655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584378178974149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815800732970098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375197610944888,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,poncenator,2020/02/14,"Do BPD people have poor boundaries? Hi everyone, New here. It's quit possible I have BPD. I meet 8 of the 9 criteria. Working with my therapist and psychiatrist to figure it out. I've been researching it lately. I find a lot of information on BPDers exploiting boundaries of their, for lack of better vocabulary, victims on the internet. I don't find much about the boundary issues of BPDers themselves. Do you find that you have poor boundaries? I feel like I do. Thanks!",2.496724137931036,5.462377206896552,3.784626436781612,80.84176724137934,87.27586206896551,7.497701149425287,26.790229885057467,8.344100000000001,2.6526022988505744,375,17,65,10,12,122,59,87,0.16,0.747,0.09300000000000001,-0.7229,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,1,3,2,4,1,0,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,11,10,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,6,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,10,3,12,9,3,5,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,3,43,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710650831103183,0.0,0.0,0.4872137484747867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18482197528943475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779942740235792,0.13817994192007266,0.0,0.0,0.5303496427125104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20188118526149795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181872194633253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449569009315506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443954703581512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218662946376426,0.0,0.0,0.18680712714767053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409371004609966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180530221557133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057269541308216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807599367028235,0.0,0.2245765928258292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081273137914924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cynicalvvitch,2020/02/14,"I (F21) think I might have BPD Okay so I have a long history of having trouble with my mood. CW for suicide, abuse, etc I tried committing suicidal in my teen years 3 times. I grew up with an alcoholic mother who was emotionally neglectful. I was molested at a young age. So, a handful of traumatic experiences I have kind of tucked away. My therapist doesn't think I have BPD because I don't come off as severe enough but I feel like she hasn't seen my outbursts. I can get really angry and violent in seconds towards my family or friends when I feel cornered or threatened etc. I have a long history of unstable relationships. One right now is that I keep going back to an ex who everyone tells me I should back off and I just lie about hooking up with him. I know it's wrong but I feel like I can't stop. I have intense abandonment issues and so I lie to keep people in my life or I keep them at a safe distance so I don't fuck things up. I spend a lot of time isolated because I know that I have pushed people away in the past with my behavior (cutting, anger, outbursts, you get it). I have problems with disassociation. I kind of detach and feel very, very vacant for a few days and NOTHING can get me out of it. I've had times where I completely detach from who I am and Ive had problems with this since I was 14. I also have been told that I can be manipulative and I think I can be too. I don't try to be but it happens. I don't act out as much now as I did when I was a teen. A few bad behaviors here and there like over spending until I have nothing, slamming doors and yelling. The most recent ""incident"" i had was a day ago when my professor made a mistake on my grading and gave me an F. I was so angry that i stormed to her office and luckily she wasn't there because I might have screamed. I angrily texted a group chat of my friends instead and they didn't really know what to say to me. I feel bad I did that to them. But it was so severe i started having suicidal thoughts and a car almost hit me and I felt okay with being hit. I cried in public and squeezed my fists letting my nails dig in to my skin just so I could feel pain. Right now I'm on mood stabilizers for unspecified mood disorder. I thought I had bipolar 2 maybe but I'm not so sure. Im kind of wondering, what y'all think who have been diagnosed think? I would like to talk to my psychiatrist about this because I feel like if I don't get treated for it I can't function independently as an adult.",1.9974425102084687,3.698931379110257,3.886024500322376,87.66468686868689,77.56866537717602,7.458224801203525,25.80223511712873,8.309216665352881,1.5864451235761874,1941,74,427,37,45,657,233,517,0.209,0.708,0.08199999999999999,-0.9971,0,0,1,0,3,1,44.0,0,2,3,0,28,34,5,0,19,2,57,8,2,3,2,79,96,41,3,7,12,2,11,5,2,4,5,3,1,1,20,25,1,7,19,1,2,6,12,16,0,2,24,15,86,15,59,60,8,55,0,2,1,1,27,25,1,10,29,300,106,2,0.0,0.08926604070042457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678470868574893,0.08051596290290748,0.07544251625330155,0.0,0.0,0.06024968151732259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156955022532164,0.1158642166467981,0.12581215496667736,0.1837072063450316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897771639696879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489907365658673,0.07899296400165598,0.0,0.0,0.0601531697675616,0.0,0.08275787912878173,0.09717663574179697,0.0,0.0,0.07646890849281672,0.0,0.0,0.08634661248297816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474779659884107,0.0,0.07784676114507834,0.16804889716908686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199096991722062,0.0,0.07369735670567691,0.07102421321812495,0.0,0.2666605492941574,0.1614695659380267,0.07233858797500432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641559463394867,0.06965097521137331,0.15744897386563955,0.0,0.04281767904257999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662325679437194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138054812798222,0.0786357916165186,0.0,0.20089799712038936,0.0,0.2353662630036324,0.12421532170518597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704065177728603,0.0532151445248882,0.18403754131915198,0.0,0.0,0.13334774611611358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405170416189937,0.0,0.07128889731651154,0.0,0.0,0.07568954675207695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984849265348075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055383854372981545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458226954316622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05105259711760222,0.0,0.08016748532767308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192092582989222,0.10446307838556147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418115383384592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652996423389212,0.0,0.07438954457774355,0.08088738196766956,0.0,0.12868056036671144,0.0,0.059913700930278285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170226388583474,0.0,0.06232234796874201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053326314802596884,0.0,0.0,0.06298793836132288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24723047055735856,0.0,0.07100742460755279,0.0,0.0,0.0605557504869833,0.06585082036963269,0.0,0.0,0.08747599798626532,0.050052806449677266,0.2413753944109832,0.0,0.11962370583831175,0.13179475933437526,0.0,0.0,0.07199096991722062,0.0,0.10230235672804804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432742170318185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170343759513803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05351965041667006,0.08237288776571103,0.0,0.048516740105500736 bpd,duchessbadger,2020/02/14,"Paranoid about people talking behind my back Hi! I’m new to this sub but have had the borderline diagnosis for a while. I had it more or less in check for a while, but I think it’s been flaring up again. For context: I have bipolar 1 and went through a really bad breakup in September which triggered a massive mixed episode, causing me to have to take a leave of absence from university. I’ve been living at home ever since. Before I left, everything seemed fine with my friends at school. They promised they would keep in touch and many of them even asked for my address to send letters to me. Fast forward to now—not a single one of them has reached out to me. I have reached out to them on multiple occasions, and they’ve all left me on read every single time. It’s gotten to the point where I’m convinced they’re talking shit about me behind my back. My family and my therapist are trying to help me rationalize it, maybe they’re just busy, maybe they’re bad at texting, etc. But it isn’t like my close friends to cut off contact. I can’t help but think that if they weren’t upset with me/trying to dump me as a friend, they would at least be able to shoot me a quick text saying they’re busy but they still care. To top it off, I sent a message to my “best friend” at school asking if I did something to upset her and if so, I apologize and would love to talk about it and make it right. I was left on read. This basically confirms it in my head that my friends all hate me, otherwise she would’ve reassured me that it wasn’t anything I did that’s stopping her from talking to me. Anyway I’ve been distraught thinking about what they might be saying about me and why they hate me so much and why they won’t tell me what I did. I’ve been having regular panic attacks about this. It’s especially terrifying for me because I’m going back to school in the fall and other than these people, I don’t have any friends. ANYWAY, I’m interested to hear if anyone else has experienced something similar and how you deal with the fear that people you care about hate you/are talking behind your back. Also I don’t know if I used the right flair, so I’m sorry if I messed that up!",5.3550998437228685,5.265369223476302,5.7051128668171565,84.5071014933148,67.82618510158014,8.71154714360132,29.90527869421775,8.263242389622931,1.865681785032124,1718,57,365,21,26,550,205,443,0.156,0.685,0.159,-0.2664,1,0,2,1,0,1,38.0,0,3,11,2,25,31,7,5,14,0,32,4,2,5,3,49,59,31,0,9,13,0,1,1,6,5,1,3,2,0,25,17,0,2,5,2,1,6,7,15,0,1,15,5,58,16,65,37,10,48,0,0,0,1,46,29,1,9,16,248,83,5,0.07750000597250761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061976726776233386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270266164974983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054189806140870184,0.07940791464582117,0.06377590148690862,0.0,0.14490408770500482,0.08816744505785461,0.0,0.23837088321193256,0.12941853561926353,0.047243284311791964,0.0,0.06594679693744668,0.0,0.08133147489774538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580328423872213,0.0796138544929282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989910314381278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474131040646992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643299286072863,0.05118802302487712,0.07010319236121001,0.06529709757968692,0.0,0.06965200813885697,0.0,0.07306010830698056,0.08720905300327571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592578742036945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044045039382514584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22954563306617026,0.0795373648800572,0.0,0.0873481392598849,0.0,0.10389324074671734,0.0,0.07773882495467002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888556621854268,0.0,0.0,0.042591976482237136,0.0,0.0,0.0820613162074132,0.2526119497532597,0.0,0.0,0.0378625882416572,0.0,0.06843392513965416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994678119243962,0.0,0.05173185578405781,0.07857284194919285,0.15571834541637186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221525911244164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569714216547698,0.0,0.0,0.07484998870135237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052516009762890434,0.0,0.0,0.09092955869962292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118623794164172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326255585972248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504195714954586,0.0,0.049648488327058066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323691632953662,0.0,0.12326223074361667,0.0,0.23530243071608434,0.0,0.07055309474070863,0.0,0.0,0.0795526424257676,0.06410880580342218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932658181070915,0.0,0.08675491166727971,0.0,0.0,0.061891604880483474,0.06479347521356685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05827035949657841,0.31145784576325725,0.06773842117100892,0.0,0.0,0.08998348024651982,0.0,0.14897662354229016,0.0,0.0,0.045190876721107866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523483364266503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693512200239174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184328197584926,0.1398634020707549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22021512263627893,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yellowgraypink,2020/02/14,"rant: how can you do this my boyfriend has bpd and i feel so hopeless. he's not in therapy and refuses to get treatment and i am always the punching bag. he can be violent (never at me but at other objects), verbally abusive, and emotionally manipulative and yet i still stay like why???? why do i subject myself to this treatment? i feel trapped. it's like i've given up on my own life. i'm too lazy to break things off with you so i stay in this relationship that honestly i have no faith in anymore after last night and i don't believe a word you say. but i'm still here. i'm trapped. it's like i've taken after you own carelessness. your apathy is contagious and it's poisoning me. you don't love me you just want to latch yourself onto me like you latched onto your ex girlfriend the same exact way. i mean nothing to you despite your claims of grandiose love for me. i feel so jaded by everything you say and yet i don't know why i can't seem to let go. what is wrong with me? am i going crazy dating someone i honestly now really hate? i can't stop being resentful because i'm so hurt. i'm so so so so so hurt by your actions last night that i can't stop wanting you to feel my pain. it's like i stooped to your level. you want me to feel your pain because it seems way more important than mine. well now i want you to feel the pain you've inflicted on me. honestly, fuck you. i never say mean things to you or call you names the way you do to me but all i wanna say is fuck you and your attitude and your self-centered bullshit.",0.97697344966695,3.039198510835913,3.0229383619476486,90.82290364949809,82.46749226006192,6.391931700910027,23.41016980955061,7.5764669431780325,1.0436695562435498,1201,44,265,20,33,405,149,323,0.27399999999999997,0.599,0.126,-0.997,0,2,0,0,0,1,33.0,0,25,0,0,20,26,6,0,5,0,21,9,0,2,4,46,51,24,0,5,6,1,6,5,1,0,5,4,0,0,14,12,0,3,11,0,0,3,10,14,1,0,2,10,59,12,33,46,5,38,1,3,0,4,39,12,2,3,22,175,73,0,0.0,0.10995794108636096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722062678581794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203694596648322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131453014714635,0.0,0.0,0.10455868612417683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688378946561898,0.0,0.0947635845907404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043923663746626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083406536757191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815479091418994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17159219270410286,0.048486425679299866,0.0,0.10548566493318948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162505046333518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19869788320056134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051002826005318164,0.15129581082416346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489870260753452,0.0655504341926303,0.2266975096830276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751904022476474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021822171450884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431528221421122,0.0,0.0,0.17418113098565127,0.0,0.08904824584924273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29625101190334474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059452822355592364,0.0,0.0,0.09963710624155284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29520687354182396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897113082778845,0.09681514330661704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863279728745477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19783410947671634,0.14822729610708107,0.15517713032057293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061298253496293,0.0,0.12331013002516787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21895356439731609,0.220991243287748,0.0,0.0,0.08344222702820912,0.0,0.25122438600501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014669528186254,0.0,0.0 bpd,envi53,2020/02/14,"I stutter when I have an episode. Anyone else have similar issues? I just want to know, I'm really curious if anyone else gets physical changes when you're experiencing an episode.",4.908181818181816,7.5233295151515165,6.2212121212121225,70.0518181818182,72.03030303030303,10.460606060606061,35.24242424242424,10.504223727775694,4.662078787878787,146,8,24,5,3,49,24,33,0.065,0.809,0.126,0.2247,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,6,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957276576213916,0.5798859655947389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29935173741376664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4727813022968007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784360195974386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29535406652984386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555165471801635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812820656622688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16690693925621702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Baljeetsintern,2020/02/14,Tired This shit is so exhausting I already landed in the hospital I forgot how painful life is I haven’t been to school in 2 weeks my life is falling apart I don’t know what to do anymore,1.2325000000000017,3.2899092500000013,2.765000000000004,93.05,81.5,6.0,25.0,7.1686216300943375,1.01225,150,6,33,2,4,49,30,40,0.33,0.67,0.0,-0.9152,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,7,6,1,1,0,3,9,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,4,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,21,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35480461923516177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31886081962799906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669863697261684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4541972781505577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34211927785871565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325394766947992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300350123471136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695392177327329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579034443953981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fe0z,2020/02/14,"doo doo I always feel alone, people try to get closer to me but I feel so fragile, I can’t let them in. I do quite a good job at tricking people I let my guard down for them because I yearn for genuine connections and the healthy part of me wholeheartedly wants to build a functioning relationship with people and I know that part of me is capable of it, but then the fear of rejection and abandonment jumps right in and I start to isolate again, ghosting everyone who tries to reach out for me till the point that people say they’re used to me not responding for months on an end. I also get jealous of my friends because they’re just beautiful in every way and I’m the exact opposite. I feel so inept all the time. I can’t talk with my male teachers because I start to see them as a father figure and idealize the shit out of them, only to despise them later cause I’m scared they figured me out and think I’m a fraud. I also have trouble speaking, not only about feelings but literally forming sentences and choosing the right words, etc. it makes me feel dumb and even more inept. I also find that I have nothing to contribute to any conversation besides some retarded shit. I don’t think I’ll be able to form a close relationship ever again because everything goes to shit when people come too close. Since my last relationship (2 years ago), something snapped inside of me. AAAAAAA",4.309571428571431,6.005352211111107,5.026507936507937,81.92500000000005,71.33333333333333,7.957671957671959,29.523809523809533,8.563005593585519,2.2789365079365083,1107,45,208,19,21,357,150,270,0.152,0.705,0.14300000000000002,-0.6008,1,1,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,6,2,13,16,7,2,13,0,10,3,3,3,3,48,30,21,1,3,6,1,6,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,6,17,0,2,12,0,0,2,5,13,1,0,0,9,34,3,37,27,8,33,0,3,1,0,18,15,4,1,15,135,40,1,0.10089760727322256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943964103444964,0.0,0.0,0.10449949200881738,0.0,0.2420633402492839,0.0839548919901174,0.0,0.0,0.06861383287217222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460249795840963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364963619466727,0.0,0.08691435458117149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936533204760252,0.0,0.11252750318760874,0.06664191801596597,0.0912676622756611,0.08501058580580867,0.09641198762153244,0.09068026350189842,0.0,0.0,0.11353785938694752,0.25508430935615306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221858513344874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795324109195527,0.0,0.10542967081018514,0.0,0.0,0.08462812592622583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012530646246824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055450686256973525,0.08224501655192913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20634927891782048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673499363376367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053550750616319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681397540217344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534743539031998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185245525536978,0.0,0.3497484834485738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953808518619864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731702506704124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32497881100806003,0.0,0.17233201063234424,0.0,0.08023782703708845,0.1010161066103988,0.0,0.08040232973950757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107098317851583,0.08346354338351399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767590749001999,0.0,0.0,0.1428316914902431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109767479278104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930222534772412,0.0,0.0,0.05883420619808015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370057044912634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714313718863882,0.0,0.0,0.05951202293660965,0.08008782425644191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497475102595802 bpd,flyNNhigh,2020/02/14,"What does having BPD actually look like and feel like? A friend of mine was diagnosed with it a few months ago, and I've been researching it to get a better idea of what it is like for her. I have the DSM-5 diagnosis criteria and various psychologists' accounts, but I would rather hear what it's like from actual people affected by it. She doesn't like to talk about what she is feeling, and other than me trying to gauge her behaviour, I don't really know what to say or how to help her.",9.419693877551019,6.210963520408168,9.618061224489797,69.74301020408163,61.755102040816325,14.289795918367345,35.724489795918366,12.602617957971056,4.179767346938776,387,11,80,11,4,130,67,98,0.019,0.772,0.209,0.9451,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,4,0,9,1,0,2,0,15,15,7,0,2,3,0,2,5,1,1,1,2,0,0,11,5,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,10,7,13,12,2,2,0,0,1,0,10,0,0,1,7,57,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.39110495905845977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17763432192644474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17722934670136456,0.0,0.0,0.2523851529959039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20339240787128585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536330850645945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264718329584044,0.1431592022665075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548214076351738,0.0,0.10469590367699512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258549556555189,0.0,0.1343177054518798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262167815798529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012952355007326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4895040272626597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16827777255593132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599499964601734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892572461971328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837545509822945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935877910215124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16106650591406452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360521751646261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235184967624512,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TaderDot_93,2020/02/15,I’m always being accused of being manipulative Lately it just feels like no matter what I do I’m always the bad guy. When I feel like I’m just being towards someone. They accuse me of being manipulative. When I’m trying to be honest it’s the same thing. I’m sick of living with this disease. I’m sick of being this way. And honestly I just feel like it’s time to just let go of this life. Because I’m at my limit,-0.4693071161048685,1.747331573033712,2.9474438202247204,87.14079119850189,92.82022471910112,4.3149812734082404,16.405430711610492,5.985473137389443,-0.27852883895131075,326,8,67,3,12,118,49,89,0.16899999999999998,0.6759999999999999,0.155,-0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,6,6,0,0,2,0,8,3,0,2,0,14,19,3,0,0,4,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,8,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,6,5,10,12,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,7,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3687132615114404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18499431071414352,0.1350616242922684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360839330512332,0.4748500025284333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591831088116212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21938037831811336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499306345869908,0.0,0.0,0.2265612933230846,0.15649519688368166,0.32473076812852913,0.0,0.19564256001037975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18772804855651684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471953871375775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919409185997333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150425481324521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17586493287623878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,viviplush,2020/02/15,"I'm really feeling the abandonment today In the past 4 months I have been ghosted by my boyfriend, best friend, and the other only close friend I had left has made it clear she has no time for me and is happy without me in her life. I get it, we BPD people get a bad rep and are known for being the abusive ones. But I don't genuinely believe any of this is on me, if anything I just chose the wrong people to have in my life. I don't deserve this. As much as my brain wants to scream ""you're a horrible person and that's why everyone hates you"" I don't logically believe that. These past few months have been the hardest of my life in years and instead of supporting me people have been fucking me over and abandoning me. That's a reflection on them, not me. I'm not a shitty person, I'm a loud opinionated sassy person, but I am not a bad one. I do my best to not be abusive or problematic and I work my ass off to be a good person to the best of my ability but damn most people don't do the same. My heart hurts!! I just need some kindness..",2.375520361990952,3.527047819004526,4.163257918552038,88.3685067873303,75.33484162895928,7.371945701357468,24.312217194570128,7.928766900206844,1.1235321266968326,812,25,182,12,17,275,116,221,0.188,0.6709999999999999,0.141,-0.9092,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,1,1,4,3,19,3,0,15,0,23,7,3,1,1,35,35,14,1,3,12,0,1,0,2,0,3,2,0,4,9,9,0,2,4,0,0,0,10,10,0,2,5,3,31,9,23,27,8,17,0,3,0,2,11,10,3,5,7,131,40,1,0.0,0.26067775432516543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748077119229355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052539505053292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18370048546001644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24787771783243284,0.34633288076714497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854844613261094,0.12280284678334752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051152500013499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055622234559979764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998040654368451,0.10169858359457963,0.1149469736924866,0.0,0.0,0.0922676405013167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171032128609416,0.0,0.1086079466327639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303573951003197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177634772671982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455410591059058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952161664383172,0.0,0.23310103588089906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409014175475327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756111499065344,0.0,0.08086691574163292,0.08156790209299157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908554546231442,0.08366436310108548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100259548560208,0.3050566651077241,0.3842112634808349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047252825412881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483327097557402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414526290464073,0.0,0.1042726297146272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488426723058946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926311843796982,0.0,0.0,0.106041659486525,0.0,0.08008552792011159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027406632779172,0.0,0.07084012441149676 bpd,skyesthelimit666,2020/02/15,"DAE always wish they were someone else? Even the person you think you used to be? I always wish that I was living someone else’s life and really feel like their lives are better, more exciting, less stressful, more stable, less this, more that, so on and so forth. I compare myself to everyone and wonder what it would be like to not have to worry about the things I worry about. I want so badly to not have this disorder - I wish I had a stable identity. I’m swayed by other people and my environment all the time - I feel constant guilt and discomfort for not pleasing them and also not doing what is best for me and what I want. I just wish so badly that I could be myself, whoever that is. It is just such a crisis to feel so lost. It’s exhausting, honestly. I guess realistically I know that I have so much to be grateful for and nothing is really wrong but it doesn’t compute. I feel so... unbelievably isolated and lacking. I overthink, fret, catastrophize, disassociate, and have trouble staying in any moment. I fantasize about being anyone else and I even romanticize the person I used to be before I got diagnosed. I wish I could go back... I don’t know. It’s this emptiness that penetrates every moment. I have been in treatment for BPD for 4 years and I just 4 years of sobriety in December as well. I try my best to develop and strengthen an identity for myself with activities I love and going to school and doing my art... but it still doesn’t fill me up. I don’t know. I don’t even feel real sometimes. People say that if you truly love yourself, you’ll be content with life wherever and whenever no matter what. I thought I “loved myself” but I guess I don’t... i guess I don’t even know who I am. I don’t know how much more work I’ll have to do to feel okay with myself and who I am. In short, I just don’t know who I am or what I’m doing in this life and it feels very hopeless.",2.411154912226671,4.315563167539271,4.267680936248849,84.47672620880816,77.01047120418848,7.321342777948876,23.277178934400983,8.219915518859313,1.3735411764705878,1478,46,299,27,34,501,167,382,0.10099999999999999,0.706,0.193,0.9854,0,0,0,0,0,1,51.0,0,4,3,5,24,23,0,3,7,1,42,8,0,3,1,70,79,33,0,12,13,0,7,2,0,2,5,1,0,2,28,21,0,0,16,1,0,3,14,10,1,0,7,8,57,13,34,61,12,20,0,2,0,3,16,8,0,6,10,228,85,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062777969945042,0.13063979900468464,0.0,0.0,0.05338400850075983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054890378988903935,0.08043451047410717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036314323310767,0.1310916752472491,0.0,0.0,0.06679936568864445,0.0,0.1647658775253217,0.06942858309695014,0.0,0.0,0.09887044043974733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483270461097041,0.0,0.12535481644600086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967781269867777,0.0,0.0,0.08997001987062915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196734883413942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20739915372453316,0.0,0.0661412669332517,0.0750119640794831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778505633146611,0.056081798842272566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892289187380585,0.0,0.06278516959535126,0.0,0.2594361990344479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588556664977512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634471715725124,0.0767041613945884,0.0,0.13863729561419602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569413657970272,0.0,0.212553186777942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541591117848375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532472490628198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884671636595852,0.13708972530050156,0.0,0.08617155215958587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935238955394967,0.10058070085779526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062427890431517585,0.0,0.07944815036146931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330288714348512,0.0,0.07764042210190503,0.0,0.0,0.08367261887809359,0.06269174758237438,0.0,0.08992370258342447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05215319815523699,0.05030087088991053,0.0,0.062321768519829686,0.045775110241474175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05329766161613533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560093589664227,0.0,0.0647723186784221,0.0926049516651876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058266826623659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4513667616879599,0.0,0.08513200104268573,0.057150344441484036,0.1594450533883311,0.0,0.05576552308182517,0.08582954369568467,0.0,0.10110534613527664 bpd,TaRoWa03,2020/02/15,"I tried to kill myself earlier I completely snapped this morning and took so many pills of 3 different types and went out walking and had my ex and his mom show up at my house trying to find me and they called an ambulance because my brither found me passed out on the bathroom floor. My moms guilt tripping me about it and making it about her, the first thing my dad did was call me stupid and he was disappointed in me. And ive been passed around and asked the same questions by 10 different doxtors for 6 hours relieving every moment and the exact numver i took and my heads so foggy its getting mixed in my head and im so upset. And non seem satisfied with my answer that its because i hate living and myself and they all keep belittling me and asking me if it was bwcause of my boyfriend and..... its not and i feel like an animal with how theyre treating me and how they dont seem to recognise im a person with emotions.",6.432566844919784,5.727632818181817,6.4687754010695215,81.99139839572194,65.7379679144385,9.61903743315508,32.068983957219245,8.841846274778883,2.379875294117648,735,25,151,10,10,234,116,187,0.11699999999999999,0.856,0.027000000000000003,-0.953,2,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,3,1,8,9,3,2,7,0,8,3,2,3,2,41,21,25,1,1,2,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,25,0,1,7,1,0,7,2,6,0,1,10,1,30,3,20,11,2,19,0,1,0,0,16,9,0,4,4,102,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676662599727745,0.2452472702275049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599166275783221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678727736441859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752632416428082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740836339443966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537269932821759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754545666898156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051403165242893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632208252892115,0.09370588105962303,0.0,0.0,0.11988445368040032,0.11157076185155586,0.0,0.14381807557270007,0.0,0.0,0.06852945351792784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295004642811936,0.26923079848008075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917328026506875,0.1513493495371706,0.0,0.0,0.2833661904946653,0.0,0.0,0.11658744305106393,0.14511708386812197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408167331288983,0.0,0.11582304955827645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755513123046939,0.13298296347088615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072429022088187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453014845007276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693729426883348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388194034454931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714166599680978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914631932396433,0.17810785114806538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159331781330684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,timlrim,2020/02/15,"How have you made friends in adulthood once you’ve cut everyone off? Is this the right flair? Idk. I deleted all social media (except Reddit) sometime last year. I had a few friends left but they’ve gradually disappeared, and I don’t really care because they don’t really interest me. Once your high school and college friends are gone, how have you made new friendships? As a quiet, silently screaming BPD I don’t really like large gatherings or public places, but it’d be cool to catch a TV show or something with somebody every once in a while, or at least somebody to text. Did y’all find any groups that were interesting or hobbies that helped meet folks? I typically like being alone, but right now I don’t want to be and I realized I didn’t have any options of people to talk to. Whoops.",4.4314705882352925,6.205067392156862,4.807336601307188,83.30551470588236,71.15686274509805,7.975816993464052,28.43627450980393,8.59863814320734,2.1177803921568628,633,24,120,11,12,200,102,153,0.067,0.7070000000000001,0.226,0.982,0,1,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,4,1,0,3,11,1,0,5,1,17,0,0,4,1,21,22,14,0,1,8,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,2,0,3,5,2,0,0,7,3,14,9,13,11,3,17,0,0,0,0,15,9,0,5,7,69,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526010150612462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20039409459813848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981780890329026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855710441279464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022414132241393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414128945069867,0.14079080091486712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466715893402445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34150626445942994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875967959961507,0.15567403438381405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010271790119698,0.0,0.0,0.16008661096947094,0.0,0.0,0.14396690513001892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788355528775428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230301892693506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4707406080935925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214781443316577,0.0,0.153940161382407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831715767769276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25165710612088193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911712895217302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019576643736562,0.0,0.11343043014774032,0.14572418340510251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842725026300616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690563881122522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488288190985968 bpd,MechanicCosmetic,2020/02/15,"DAE: relationships, abandonment issues Hey! I don't really have any close relationships, and mostly I just spend a lot of time at work. This past year has been pretty okay for me and, despite some lows and alcohol abuse, I've been feeling kind of fine and acting normal. I do have some friends, but I've never had any abandonment issues with them, it seems to only affect very close relationships like having a boyfriend/girlfriend. Do you also see that isolation helps with the BPD symptoms? Am I doomed to being alone forever to help myself stay sane?",5.541212871287129,7.645490584158419,5.573353960396037,77.59092202970297,68.90099009900989,8.614356435643566,26.48638613861386,9.188382445141503,2.329761386138614,443,14,75,9,8,139,76,101,0.18600000000000005,0.644,0.171,-0.7757,0,2,1,0,1,0,14.0,0,1,1,1,2,9,0,0,3,1,12,2,0,1,1,21,15,6,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,8,1,2,2,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,3,2,8,5,9,11,4,10,1,4,1,0,9,4,0,5,5,47,11,1,0.0,0.1941130583726222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750856169296374,0.0,0.16967960612080854,0.0,0.13101566792407662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22282152596888832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20633952967101574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283792448579268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265754980245008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21962505987727976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419941982071582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060487501137986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003959785945454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392833387846848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635664075800068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16051968900781366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246009306808076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639531858126307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667512252055586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495439494692134,0.0,0.0,0.5276798536475522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055217187317894,0.1491456763268319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746221494397958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028323808683685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553122931237157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517781161247674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927098878232227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055018541233857 bpd,An__accident_,2020/02/15,Why do i keep hurting people I care about? I really don’t want to but it seems like I can never stop:(,-1.6236231884057981,0.2803498260869617,1.7652173913043503,96.06202898550728,94.21739130434784,4.8057971014492775,12.014492753623188,6.42735559955562,-0.8892202898550718,78,1,19,1,3,28,19,23,0.08199999999999999,0.623,0.295,0.5844,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,7,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,2,7,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37505406395982666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39379782959500187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32696762480717473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797160308902898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837134938325496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25502527483614873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356581965525774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348826042451177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30754437912829125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21697120536186207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319331384127881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,v_gin_,2020/02/15,"Rejected from every PhD program I applied to After years of busting my ass off in undergrad, getting my degree with Summa Cum Laude honors, working in faculty labs unpaid for two years, presenting at conferences, writing papers, taking the GRE, writing a personal statement, going to the two interviews I was called for... I’ve been rejected. There is nothing else I want to do in my life aside from this. I want to have children and get married before I’m 30 and this has completely fucked my life up. I’m beyond upset. Everything I’ve worked. Yeah I can reapply next year, but this stings like a bitch and fucks up my entire life plan. This is all I’ve ever wanted. I feel so fucking lost and stupid. Hard work doesn’t pay off, hard work exhausts you and makes you feel like a fucking dumbass in the end. What am I doing all of this for? I want to fucking die",3.6845252352438,5.625524796407189,4.677711719418308,82.77181137724556,73.49101796407186,7.406159110350728,28.096236099230108,8.192908349453996,2.062930196749359,679,27,124,11,14,221,106,167,0.271,0.675,0.054000000000000006,-0.99,0,2,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,0,7,4,15,7,1,6,1,11,10,1,1,3,20,30,7,1,4,1,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,12,0,2,3,4,15,3,24,27,2,19,0,3,0,6,8,10,7,0,10,75,21,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369222349876776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443069145865825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277658447831618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646941482192195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179676254236432,0.0,0.10793006105994346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022758083596992,0.10267066105539796,0.0,0.1095181560057128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323018089197248,0.0870554137725057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.563279008473819,0.1273316010509726,0.0,0.06925473684485152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183217511279296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582158290200829,0.11906737383833108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302245419775008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134119322057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959741639754754,0.0,0.0,0.1169260834956274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640174714758396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916220866042064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380752122747347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875001355526818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548564407919413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23541776273546816 bpd,kkitn,2020/02/15,"FP doesn’t want a relationship- is it just with me? Well, I’m very alone in my life, the only person I really have is my FP and I’m genuinely in love with him so much, I’d like to think he loves me too, but I don’t know, we live 5 hours away from each other, and I’m in the position now where I could move to the same town as him, although he has said he wouldn’t mind me living here, he made it very clear that we could continue to hang out and what not but he likes his alone time and he’s definitely not looking for a relationship- (what does this mean??? With me???) but when I come down to see him, I fly down, for a matter of weeks, this is the first ever person that’s made me feel like something other than my BPD and has navigated me through my mind and talks to me, cares about me and doesn’t leave me wondering about myself.... until now... it scares me because for the first time I felt like I actually had a chance with someone.... and that I could be happy and that someone could possibly be happy with me without me burning them out... I’m really about to crash",3.4027999999999987,3.8645623466666654,4.629777777777779,88.58600000000004,72.2,8.133333333333333,23.44444444444445,8.238735603445708,0.9553111111111108,828,19,193,12,15,274,117,225,0.066,0.755,0.179,0.9798,0,2,1,0,0,0,37.0,2,0,1,2,13,11,0,1,9,0,17,3,0,2,2,47,37,17,0,6,7,0,2,4,0,1,1,1,0,2,13,20,0,0,6,0,0,3,7,1,1,2,5,5,32,10,32,25,3,25,0,0,2,2,21,10,0,1,16,133,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.1082445572426939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22976493534467876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042155307310288,0.0,0.0,0.06761745014337739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970326127512828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130930882219272,0.0,0.0,0.0955500867850264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542510096275679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706920480677576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033593522185663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056085851442907717,0.07924320111849614,0.10650318979116,0.0,0.0,0.1887015888516367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23615855968258895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923651868411224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06096021663711326,0.0,0.0,0.11745112640210136,0.0,0.0,0.07834798543560925,0.21676491886830676,0.0,0.19589355772588407,0.0,0.09314713384332644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20022414016584344,0.2099154869742947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208273415678114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240006188510996,0.0,0.0,0.1178932788497574,0.08154094956470248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436171392742188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19370685137650304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504868108264144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211984763772942,0.0,0.0,0.2381789425137656,0.0,0.0,0.10551289150571314,0.0,0.11105297622954502,0.0,0.08839103300425967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18796889242669146,0.08539371588896236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915546691746062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107478915887011,0.0,0.0,0.12935984016091456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830456933231115,0.06542508408130539,0.0,0.08897550151582431,0.0,0.0997328311923818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692552731421244,0.12029093965439215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TIMTigersuit,2020/02/15,Kinda venting/kinda asking Do you feel like you’re tough AF but also sensitive AF? Whenever someone says something critical to me I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach but I always recover (even though it doesn’t always feel like it) and I realize that to recover from the abuse we heap upon ourselves (inside) we have to be pretty damn tough but man it gets old sometimes...,1.8987671232876693,4.71264469863014,3.4213835616438364,83.53508904109589,88.31506849315069,6.207671232876713,25.10821917808219,7.554174236665415,1.9163819178082195,305,13,52,6,10,100,52,73,0.18,0.672,0.14800000000000002,-0.4118,0,0,1,0,1,0,9.0,2,1,0,0,3,6,1,0,2,0,5,1,1,0,0,11,10,6,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,7,3,6,8,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,1,4,31,11,0,0.0,0.25576089198497065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726245744268518,0.3592285594155979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20180160984542306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257465907040806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32743858091195,0.4626350613144122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127788621574956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31637746240682096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22651060912593765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196090173682723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716619385357802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18289897186886653,0.16618093173310095,0.21349280385134514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120830868263773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DukesDuke,2020/02/15,Are there any nice infographics that cover BPD symptoms/etc? Just looking for something to help me navigate a new diagnosis.,4.9471428571428575,8.531718000000001,5.682857142857145,66.7871428571429,83.28571428571428,8.514285714285714,35.57142857142857,8.841846274778883,4.585400000000002,102,6,14,3,3,33,21,21,0.0,0.7559999999999999,0.244,0.6705,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278263278875156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5153605679536657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4563550918216948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742714781207332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34361660109146763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3951983187912779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31501450659437513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,si1308,2020/02/15,"My partner’s friend loathes me I’m gonna give fake names for the sake of easier story telling. So my partner (Dan) has this close friend (Kate) who has hated me from day one. I’ve literally only spent time with her once about 2 years ago, but she decided early on that she disliked me and it has gotten progressively worse. Now she has started calling me abusive and encouraging my partner to leave me. I am not abusive, and Dan says that they don’t think I’m abusive. However Dan is continuing to hang out with and chat to her. This is really damn hard for me, I don’t cope well with being disliked, I don’t cope well with being accused of being abusive especially with the stigma surrounding my disorder (Kate is aware that I have BPD). I’m just not coping at all with this situation and it starts so many arguments between Dan and I because Kate is just so triggering for me. I think about it frequently, it plays on my mind all the time. Kate has turned one other person (who was a mutual friend of ours) against me already, and I get worried that she’ll spread shit about me further and turn others against me. Tomorrow Dan is going to hang out with her and every time this happens I freak out because I get it in my head that she’s going to convince Dan to leave me and I’ll be abandoned and alone. I am genuinely so scared and it feels like such a betrayal for Dan to still be so close to Kate after all the shit she’s put me through. Like I get that my partner is their own person and has known her for years and it’s complicated but it just makes me feel so shit that Dan isn’t properly defending me over this. Idk I just want to get this off my chest, it’s been really hard for me and I feel like maybe this sub will understand how painful this situation is to be in. If anybody has any thoughts or advice, anything is appreciated rn. I feel so unstable over this and am so panicky about tomorrow.",4.1776736111111115,5.209505239583336,5.136875,83.56506944444446,70.82291666666666,8.605555555555558,28.805555555555557,8.94667605116694,2.148476388888889,1508,56,312,28,27,494,172,384,0.248,0.6629999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.9977,1,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,2,1,22,21,5,1,6,0,33,6,5,3,3,58,62,29,0,2,10,0,6,3,7,3,1,1,0,6,29,28,0,1,10,2,1,5,6,10,2,2,5,7,50,11,47,48,4,37,0,1,0,0,31,15,4,2,20,210,79,0,0.0,0.4384424323476405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040084395984968,0.08200556978346267,0.0,0.0,0.09581367149008042,0.10208837576293868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291076746990197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612880987473486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278790030020125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651457923140418,0.0,0.09446424722820504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05966205094300697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060258148142444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794465011265105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871057073989395,0.1321799956707938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144216997612226,0.0,0.19333307081458453,0.08874514330550065,0.10515245887241456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180732149271566,0.0,0.16574367330181974,0.0913356270411808,0.09494314917891396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959119414692095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355888532068578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617519238714353,0.09379180547209602,0.09293990391217506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340990902714362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852137607083407,0.12537592505656628,0.07035891296865235,0.09843840666188408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16155436942824994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299927690695453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853004788005878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356859495700517,0.09261981917729348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284884157608052,0.0,0.20797286072753435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095976357152,0.0,0.07387953930773873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085883956655643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855484370543967,0.0,0.07344353482950344,0.16183202032886995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20125117390353767,0.0,0.09630738982709994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05456548453725808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166357302698213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394958302725273,0.09427678497109863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914831986792088 bpd,MeowMixBitch327,2020/02/15,"Folks of Reddit with mental health issues I'll just get right into it. I have extreme depression that gets worse in the winter time stemming from BPD. My fiancée is the best man I've ever met! He's sweet, understanding, and supportive. But, there's a serious problem going on here. When winter hit this year, I got suuuuper depressed. Usually, my sex drive is pretty strong, and we make dirty, kinky love as often as 3x a day. We usually don't go a day with banging. But, since around end of December, I haven't really had the urge or drive. We still have sex because I know that he has needs, too. I have a hard time getting wet until we're half way through. And by then, he's going rough, which I usually LOVE. But, honestly, it hurts until I'm into it. And I have to talk myself into orgasm, which used to just happen. It's now February. We're newly engaged and we've had sex now a TON in times where I'm really just NOT feeling it. But, we didn't have sex all this past week, mostly due to work. We had sex last night for the first time, and he just wants more. He keeps coming to suck on my nipples really hard, and kissing up on my neck. Thoughts that used to be ""Oh, yes!!"" Are now ""Here we go again."" I know that the problem is me, and he even bought a vibrating pussy pocket to give me time when I don't want to. Today, a few things happened. We were watching a movie on the couch, and he starts kissing up on me. I asked if we could stop so I could go pee. He had no problem. I came back, and he picked me up and put me in the bed. We went back to kissing and jiving, but I wasn't entirely feeling it. He wanted to go to the bathroom, too, bc he had to pee right then and there. He ended up getting into the shower, and I got in with him. He started lathering up my body with soap. Problem is, I had a bar of soap and nipple piercings. For those of you with your nips pierced, you know that the bars with intricate ends wouldn't take a wet bar of soap well. It gets all gunked up in there. I tried to wash out the soap, and then he started playing with my ass cheeks. Mind you, this is all normal shit for us. Him and I are usually really steamy, really kinky. I just don't know what to do. He ended up putting his soapy finger in my pussy. If you don't have a vagina, or have never had any types of issues with yours, congratulations! If you have had issues, you would know that a HUGE no no is putting soap directly into your pou-tang. I rinsed off, got out of the shower all pissed, and took the towel. He saw that I was pissed and was like ""Babe, should I just shower?"" I didn't answer him bc I was pretty peeved. He came out into our living room, but ass nekked, and asked, ""Look, I'm just gonna be blunt. Do you want to make love, or do you want me to go finish in the shower?"" I told him that I'm just not in the mood right now, and that I'm sorry. I really feel bad bc I want him to have his needs met. I also feel bad bc I'm usually the same. I just don't know what to do anymore. Does anyone have any advice? TL;DR VERSION: My sex drive is low bc I'm depressed asf. My fiancée is wants to have sex, like we usually do. I'm not into it and I feel really fucking bad. Help?",0.5455528197153292,2.520439543964237,2.4997771010173047,94.46106503380207,83.51564828614009,5.499393075444393,18.07039028920711,6.7026698264267655,-0.12191688373398968,2438,56,561,27,69,813,265,671,0.134,0.774,0.092,-0.9778,5,0,0,1,0,0,113.0,12,11,0,4,34,35,5,0,28,1,55,32,13,5,6,128,133,45,0,22,24,0,11,2,0,4,2,0,7,2,26,54,3,2,14,4,1,18,17,18,1,2,28,15,75,16,75,96,11,107,0,5,3,18,60,39,7,8,51,348,101,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05720211881749141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046812377750605434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961494689830967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05805342108488901,0.0409307462211973,0.0,0.0,0.052110741309935364,0.10944922786491497,0.0,0.0,0.09002337175655377,0.14662897733885485,0.035683886297637475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061431442477971526,0.0,0.0,0.06502191081349236,0.07372586928640751,0.0,0.0,0.1339024968757892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05042483005994007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347478144745973,0.0,0.0,0.07550362535227786,0.0,0.15125466016261815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05122651711921029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20738722405362814,0.0,0.0,0.03866343375633279,0.05295047500951233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147991468293405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049791925209300765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05411692942070435,0.1529170083439442,0.056154456191705136,0.23287727348706416,0.0,0.1404532391923354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352894772189074,0.0,0.10487611484765544,0.0,0.0,0.06222257219434507,0.0,0.0,0.039236418931331465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266555110552546,0.0,0.0,0.1832936684061302,0.0,0.052030775342968884,0.0,0.0,0.19302391035558605,0.047715834776576746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571968826228421,0.0,0.05168964095442729,0.0,0.04915671510783265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849700269465047,0.0,0.07814840507620413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05899198161444755,0.0,0.05910613751874776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680955514893947,0.04514769028914036,0.0,0.0,0.05493343154734081,0.057354272487455525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055880619836209296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191072628287819,0.0,0.22404973662300887,0.0,0.17653891671415467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625041266043142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997198780164867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600878513920157,0.04842278368855145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552788293179884,0.1242993255592134,0.0,0.0467480833203255,0.048939929474221884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642760475083805,0.0,0.0,0.04401287745101511,0.04705018508609112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038889680808131113,0.0,0.0,0.04647219673700943,0.17066828969425207,0.0,0.055486658155172924,0.05593504220314365,0.06503726100912124,0.039743086165141536,0.0,0.0,0.06093955005927795,0.07041334502634948,0.10111512430373798,0.3868243875104084,0.0,0.24168833333617384,0.04646430324958408,0.046955211600461566,0.0,0.05263219776646645,0.054264802767648064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04261596090020196,0.0,0.05965466271579309,0.04158332507807822,0.0,0.0,0.03769619868270429 bpd,freezepop70,2020/02/15,"DAE Not relate to things posted here? I’ve struggled with BPD severely before being diagnosed, then to a lesser extent (less frequent episodes, etc.) after DBT. And I’m puzzled by a lot of the posts labeled DAE. Not all, I can definitely relate to some. But a majority I can’t relate to at all, and I always wonder if the person has even been diagnosed. But then I see a bunch of people responding saying they relate. Idk, is it just that people like me who can’t relate just don’t respond? I think my biggest issue is that a lot of those post don’t feel bpd related, like they’re actually pretty normal and or just not bpd. Like they’d fit in with askreddit type places. And I just hope someone looking here for help isn’t left confused or in worse shape. Anyway, I hope nobody is offended. I’m really curious. I know if I came here looking for answers I’d be lost. And I hope that’s not happening to anyone lurking and struggling with this disorder.",3.6766666666666654,5.357912765957451,5.240553191489365,79.8136666666667,72.93617021276594,7.779290780141842,26.895035460992908,8.447377352677275,2.020998865248227,752,27,138,13,15,254,112,188,0.155,0.718,0.128,-0.3038,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,2,1,9,11,1,3,7,0,14,2,0,0,2,40,29,14,0,6,14,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,8,10,0,0,5,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,3,5,14,6,18,23,10,16,0,1,3,0,8,8,0,13,7,95,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.11446491054377045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976004653705001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201676019859823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981107177655907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4431942366028725,0.0,0.0,0.1341564714811825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381078862136225,0.0,0.0,0.1344324757947869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308171140209895,0.07747353438685424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05930886625356813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372531242201162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862167831370212,0.0,0.0,0.3495070367356548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242754925881412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446334043799706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744348787884868,0.0,0.0,0.17191610607952604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19699980515195145,0.0,0.12804348557520764,0.19944335792111906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492611416237936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263788297756693,0.10241917921477496,0.12255035553815392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370141851559797,0.11933317512154876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514343474043356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327924881446302,0.0,0.0,0.09347048889506132,0.0,0.0,0.13251217508615673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938533171876912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452484964290789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792688674189567,0.07515915432816403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720354720371355,0.0,0.0,0.11953562097911685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,valliumvillage,2020/02/15,"should I be mad? Early on in our relationship, my boyfriend had a girl stay at his house ( i had no idea who she was or how they knew each other at the time) for four days, while she was there he neglected to tell her we were boyfriend and girlfriend and I watched her flirt and held hands with him. I didn't love that. Valentine's day was yesterday, and she posted a bunch of photos of them saying he was her valentine, and my boyfriend kept it from me, and I heard through his friend that I had just met that day. I feel furious, I feel like boundaries have been crossed that I am uncomfortable with, but I don't know if it's just my fear of abandonment and paranoia. I'm just an asshole for being upset, but this upset me, especially that he deliberately kept it from me. I don't know how to feel. Am I overreacting?",4.367636363636365,5.069040915151515,4.7775757575757565,87.52636363636366,70.15151515151516,8.181818181818182,27.72727272727273,8.296473431620573,1.525,641,21,142,9,11,203,99,165,0.185,0.792,0.023,-0.9775,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,0,2,0,6,11,2,3,4,0,18,2,1,2,0,33,31,14,0,2,7,0,4,1,2,1,0,2,0,1,11,11,0,5,7,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,16,7,31,4,16,12,2,14,0,2,1,1,26,4,0,2,8,102,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4531736309082422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26357195805316697,0.35529860038934435,0.16733274508891802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809642043820256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27026801134672346,0.0,0.2644152415467384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574514973429654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443211657669945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21140018660350848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243259657470993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25147353785977616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862677462503578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496562038786925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20472585916971606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658040597086046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,applejuice6969,2020/02/15,"Today was my birthday. For many years I have been really lonely because I don’t have a good circle of friends. Uni is very lonely because everyone is really... unfriendly and not into friendships beyond assignments and stuff. I also feel like I push people away. The close friends I have right now are pretty toxic and I try to keep a distance. My parents are toxic too. I have a boyfriend who I love so dearly but there’s just a gap he can’t fill which is a good social circle, you know? I don’t want to be a loser burden to him. My birthday is just a reminder of how lonely I am and how lonely I feel because of it. I just want to feel special and loved, you know? Spend quality time and all. Spent today sleeping, crying and ordering food delivery which is comforting. I realise the one thing that’s been constant in my life is my depression and bpd. Happy days come by sometimes but my mental illness has been with me for so long, it cradles me to sleep everyday. Maybe that’s why therapy has been really slow, I’m just too comfortable with this disorder, I’m too comfortable that I’m not working hard to get better. All I know is that tomorrow is a new, different day.",3.7935392720306496,5.347002616379308,5.102183908045976,81.43898467432952,72.40517241379311,8.259003831417624,27.975095785440608,8.841846274778883,2.2854963601532563,925,35,174,18,18,308,129,232,0.149,0.648,0.203,0.9071,2,8,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,2,0,3,16,21,0,0,10,0,26,7,2,2,2,34,43,15,0,2,8,1,4,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,12,13,1,1,6,0,2,3,5,7,0,1,6,4,25,14,18,36,2,23,0,6,0,2,11,6,0,0,14,120,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992122976184548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656028709983425,0.0,0.0,0.2268810420016653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972271412204597,0.0,0.0,0.1562516846461139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686838583417352,0.0,0.13406689552099418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627622798364744,0.16001939037641855,0.0,0.10685437685006173,0.0,0.0,0.1296183338501428,0.14218574439341372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185465110087758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881883506393032,0.08862988278513594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001620394121218,0.0,0.19169991162412975,0.0,0.0648172490770218,0.0,0.0,0.20811455731309475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206625406308173,0.11113514009869184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027196260243,0.0,0.0,0.2045436117740107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762862513877917,0.06061040278553088,0.0,0.0,0.10979092288328764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22394150946927455,0.0,0.0,0.12577934630746715,0.12463690512312454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250252672106426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981980562781612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406758893771664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775611515739564,0.0,0.0,0.08600893616299451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262156055311226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384317883386205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594822853247048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483030946804847,0.12646553584282155,0.0,0.0,0.12270044207450526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420212526569392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187565339807234,0.0,0.08242124779857211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234152147274688,0.0,0.2351924472656501,0.0,0.0,0.08422992128061517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236410262687272,0.14634990640175705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194661443055208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031857810453964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989182909523311 bpd,chiefcunnilingus,2020/02/15,"Some positivity: Changing my routine is saving me right now Lately I’ve been struggling. Like a lot. I’m in college with an insane course load for my STEM major, my mom has been in the hospital more days than not the past couple of months leaving me to be basically living alone for the first time ever, schooling, working, and having my schedule revolve around walking the dogs. (Apartment life) I found myself slipping through the cracks FAST. Not showering, not eating, over spending, getting hyper-fixated on sex, over working myself for the money, and it doesn’t help that my deductible reset for the new year and now I can’t afford my therapist or group therapy. But I started turning my monotonous, existential-crisis-too-much-of-a-routine into the slightest bit different of a routine. I just found out what I was doing that was fucking me over the most and by tweaking a little, I gave myself so much control. I never realized how changing the start of my day could make such a huge difference. Instead of having no breakfast and just black coffee and rushing to walk the dogs then feeling guilty all day, I started drinking a glass of water in the morning and then taking the dogs on longer walks: 20-30 minutes. I “show off” my dogs walking them for a couple blocks along the main road and it makes me happy cause I always catch someone smiling at them. Then I come inside and eat fish for breakfast. I shit you guys not. I started buying frozen fish fillets for like $6.99 a bag just frying them in a pan. If I thaw them in the fridge overnight, it takes 3-4 minutes on each side. So I have a breakfast of protein and healthy fats for less than 10 minutes and about $1 per breakfast. Fish for breakfast is definitely not for everyone but for me it’s my way of having a fast healthy breakfast and feeling alert and satisfied without feeling gross and full like eggs make me feel. Then I allow myself some coffee and go on with my day. And I used to think morning routines were for health guru YouTubers with the time and money but holy hell it really does make a difference to hydrate, break a sweat, then fuel up with something good. I still have a daily temptation to drop out of school and go off the rails, but at least not before 11 am anymore.",6.178302827189139,6.847353392111369,6.186367620520753,79.14117727936754,66.12296983758701,8.055718827876602,33.59637363581679,7.793537801064563,2.4765132078714447,1796,76,318,18,27,568,237,431,0.051,0.843,0.106,0.9597,3,1,2,0,0,0,51.0,0,1,4,4,14,11,3,1,31,0,19,18,3,9,3,72,45,32,0,2,16,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,1,1,8,29,12,2,8,2,4,9,11,5,0,1,8,5,44,6,57,35,14,69,1,0,1,2,10,28,3,6,32,221,52,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985574308167594,0.0,0.0,0.0791810400221499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943735036274915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471289274844393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809744547732673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389046334509942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775589959400234,0.20133407943218465,0.0819722213376341,0.0,0.0,0.10673043183738493,0.07597780166229526,0.21058624971319612,0.0,0.24548223094906266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982669571223647,0.0,0.0,0.08327546953872668,0.0,0.0,0.09322092176994756,0.0,0.1947456036981984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607799078852793,0.0,0.09092979896125893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924637426538964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809433509093035,0.0,0.20867683907492213,0.0,0.08797421649837825,0.04971735884626016,0.0,0.1081636475187476,0.07981599245881729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422371435447782,0.0,0.1012999693481791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011510094143852,0.0,0.0,0.06378398129080502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734502740081026,0.10076107781511978,0.0,0.0,0.06721457425711032,0.13947163083967756,0.09537567706922263,0.08402833850193417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090193241269776,0.0,0.0,0.2540811084727453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145065981072008,0.07595608894119363,0.0,0.1399076231262222,0.0,0.0733935336393827,0.09190646561085113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084132821574012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060962161307301074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126642478786977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926147229675913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976807387978142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806290615374161,0.07325909180429982,0.0,0.0,0.2694199614157467,0.0,0.07599518389033193,0.0,0.0,0.0994822664902601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309749097149713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088241613456591,0.11048850876676293,0.0,0.060974914251669635,0.0,0.0,0.11097753865706783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350714224975202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218799488422357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755338619038746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917311881815832,0.0,0.13855574625734166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06128014984548149 bpd,Sb22312,2020/02/15,"How to deal with being alone Not in general just on a specific night my friends are going out tonight but I've been feel low the past few days so decided not to go because I know it'll make me sad . But I still feel low-key abandoned I know it's not like they didn't invite me or anything and it's not really a someone can stay in with me thing So yeah does anyone have any good distraction techniques / good films and tv shows I could watch ?",0.9458064516129028,3.1462395483870966,2.2477526881720458,95.51162903225807,83.6236559139785,5.870537634408603,21.12795698924732,7.1686216300943375,0.4766266666666668,350,11,79,5,10,112,70,93,0.19399999999999998,0.679,0.126,-0.722,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,5,8,0,1,3,1,8,0,0,2,0,23,15,8,0,1,8,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,5,3,0,2,5,4,0,0,2,3,9,4,8,10,1,13,0,3,1,0,3,5,0,1,6,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394509323163651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15722225950777452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616586999035622,0.0,0.1902558812030058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093587825660386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845924279135208,0.0,0.0,0.14910329079382512,0.23835451826700305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023225306796488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23380085212070956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862265067256108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627897868934567,0.3878350652941295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541202500906746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295144282706447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15432615735714955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216963235343738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207042183816446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481110682379073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958929306185284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464258224213249,0.184634659033738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359737653283098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,vulturegriffin,2020/02/15,"Not having normal emotional responses? DAE do this? Ever since I was a child, I've felt like I don't have appropriate emotional responses to things. Not talking about blowing things out of proportion or getting angry, but just not reacting. I can think of many instances of this. When I was about 10, our parents told us they were separating. My sister started crying but I didn't care. My dad moved out, everything changed. I barely registered it. When my grandparents died, I cried a few times because I saw my parents crying and it made me upset, but not because of the actual death. When I split on my ex and dumped them, I just hated them for a year for no reason. I never missed them or shed a tear. When I'm upset because of someone, I dont cry, I just feel guilt and anxiety. When I do cry, it's usually because of things like a sad movie or a song or getting frustrated over something small and I lose it. Sometimes I have weeks where it's hard to get through the day without crying because everything makes me tear up, and if i left myself cry I end up having a meltdown. But when something bad actually happens it's like I just dont react to it.",3.389342105263161,5.227204513157896,4.7198245614035095,82.5971052631579,74.04385964912281,7.782456140350878,28.66666666666667,8.532816995589336,2.2403035087719303,911,38,174,17,19,302,124,228,0.294,0.627,0.079,-0.9956,3,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,2,0,4,1,14,14,3,3,9,0,14,0,0,5,2,36,30,20,2,2,18,5,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,12,7,0,0,4,1,0,1,11,10,0,0,8,5,33,4,21,22,1,25,0,3,1,0,14,9,0,5,18,122,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.17082019208624294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695506975430493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307828307682278,0.2667668960938286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923581723551258,0.0,0.09258802522771002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6729814942902286,0.056445275077541116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083534665360303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20515326499685152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19690381971845072,0.07751964792854503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791698176995741,0.0,0.0,0.15732056133334632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04425440022502673,0.0,0.08403607442882073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718190446729076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739654758808476,0.0,0.07840366769171453,0.08641111914915536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509429997449334,0.0,0.0,0.12827836113144014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791616290173677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828166439039283,0.05842246913067431,0.08873486875181266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302339559503274,0.0,0.0,0.06750334929206887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575423159674826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943684898531772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998850897768165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240016178211497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741581912487637,0.1347593941227486,0.08656276203451882,0.0,0.06194942817123035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703478972630157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744397348326671,0.05608138388605624,0.0,0.0,0.05103552850003595,0.0,0.0,0.08363224491272889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527972956525593,0.0,0.09639452789122546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020589601482606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436931879071181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056362122854242365 bpd,Pengwin8r,2020/02/15,"I engaged in a target behavior last night I feel a butt load of shame and sadness this morning because of last night and my urges are extremely high right now. I really just want someone with BPD that I can talk to who will understand. I have some friends but they don’t have BPD and don’t know how to relate or talk to me in a validating way, which isn’t their fault, but sometimes it just makes me feel even more alone.",7.61232558139535,5.658743837209308,7.2019767441860445,81.72180232558141,64.11627906976744,10.925581395348836,34.2906976744186,9.516144504307137,2.7280558139534885,334,11,73,5,4,105,62,86,0.122,0.7809999999999999,0.09699999999999999,-0.494,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,5,5,0,1,3,0,8,1,1,2,0,17,14,7,0,1,5,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,10,2,8,13,2,10,0,1,0,1,6,4,1,2,5,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20561961258864964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102346149430054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5000890221594564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112872705114453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20076781564767734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338558040076394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097602996104904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091081727456781,0.3236606822802129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252186734502575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726182726941128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718488993366162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695455192253747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821579316057714,0.0,0.1963535440739277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191455221873217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20667915003885973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709950800105325,0.15758571721370618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hungry_unicorns,2020/02/15,"Can’t see a therapist right now, can someone advise if I may have BPD? I am lost and dont know where to start :( So basically I’ve been extremely unstable past years, started researching to find some answers and stumbled upon BPD. Thing is - symptoms are very straightforward and Im not sure weather I meet them fully. I understand that i cannot get diagnosed online, but I just want to make sure that my concerns are valid. Sometimes I just think that I am making things up just to get attention and that it’s all in my head. So, lets begin. I most often experience these things 1) Severe moods swings from happy to tearful multiple times a day, but sometimes can go on without them for quite sometime. 2) Mood swings and depression episodes most of the time induced by romantic relationship or some type of failure 3) extreme fear of rejection. Cant handle rejection and criticism well at all 4) self loathing - all my life hated myself for some reason. No self esteem. I think I am not worthy of good things and sometimes have 0 motivation to make effort 5) I do not have complicated relationship with friends however, I always try to hide my true emotions, I just dont want to be a burden. Maybe deep down I feel that if people get to know me, they would not want to be invived with me. So Im a people pleaser to extreme, although sometimes I break down crying, but I have never caused any scenes. 6) My fear of abandonment is only related to romantic relationship as well as “the splitting”thing - can be in love with a guy one day and next day hate on him so much. I also tend to fall in love extremely fast, whenever I have any romantic involvement with someone, I get attached. 7) I also get obsessed with certain people a lot 8) whenever I meet a new guy I take over his values , hobbies, lifestyle and views. 9) Suicide ideation as a mean to cope. I fantasise about harming myself when my mood drops significantly or after a failure, but mostly never act on it. 10) People dont think I am impulsive, the only impulses I have is spending, one night stands and binge drinking. Wow, just realised that is so much stuff. Does it seem relatable to you? Could it be BPD or just something else.",4.428469587965992,6.2513830263789,5.354488772618272,79.18031393067366,71.25419664268586,8.507782864617397,30.621975147155,9.095868883498916,2.786576978417266,1730,75,313,36,33,566,227,417,0.20600000000000002,0.659,0.136,-0.9897,1,0,2,0,0,1,55.0,0,1,3,4,20,27,2,3,12,0,35,7,1,7,9,78,67,31,1,7,20,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,16,15,1,1,15,1,1,3,14,12,2,2,2,3,42,12,47,57,12,40,0,5,2,2,20,15,0,15,19,212,58,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592216106298163,0.06030797043419139,0.0,0.0,0.09857581627807001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738526380605628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445544919381829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05786823480750927,0.0,0.07961429796802451,0.1402280311238716,0.0,0.06242567998542795,0.07356421563876696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342647878115827,0.0,0.25483300763104,0.07100139872344935,0.0,0.0,0.060546539021525625,0.08152862786701275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089794202061643,0.0,0.16311706690958333,0.03664733911798223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624409339202834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05599675787298286,0.0,0.1893352882538288,0.0,0.041191237541147264,0.060791579802885486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435303445850156,0.0,0.0771547778953839,0.0,0.14311515107745654,0.07438391555785448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657857054021665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796646453368037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411424109483407,0.05119375239212109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911891314295345,0.06161868228365122,0.1308294654621304,0.0,0.14514001053826572,0.0,0.07281445817149815,0.07895040277078283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065601663814204,0.0,0.1117998716750006,0.07000024765044434,0.07708177385049451,0.06801622140941943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822669990460704,0.1102464261247614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918898936797246,0.2009900383334684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708987316177296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452003390527694,0.0,0.2334445564925483,0.0,0.06189629666430615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057756030766391915,0.06598176152116954,0.1512218960955075,0.08188014582645411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228217022149455,0.055797538670034084,0.35841575969141864,0.0,0.10260139967154143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297061412778782,0.07927978401951348,0.0,0.1366203754895806,0.07533297835518196,0.05449485920052266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415319776249275,0.19260614644894064,0.1393240095692748,0.0,0.0,0.08452566571893402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049208186562536976,0.0,0.0,0.07545274002863364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05980240492672875,0.1282492026847865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033386466903227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986674819124154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05148669154252651,0.0,0.0,0.04667381817730981 bpd,fidgimon,2020/02/15,"BPD & Socialising **Warning: VERY Long post that makes me sound like a cold asshat.** So many people I know with BPD are chronic people pleasers. Do anything for anyone they love, and particularly to maintain relationships. Whatever the opposite of that is, is me. I was diagnosed 7ish years ago. This has always been the one thing with BPD I do not relate to. If I don’t understand why I should do something, I won’t. Particularly socially. I have very little interest in most people, my partner being the main exception to this. Anything else is generally considered ‘not my problem.’ Being around people is exhausting for me. Maintaining the mask of interest in people that I am purely indifferent to is tiresome. It doesn’t come from a place of malice, I simply just don’t care or find much purpose in it. What is the point in interacting with people you don’t want to? (I appreciate that this is just the way it is and people do have to do this.) This has destroyed several friendships and familial relationships, but again; I don’t really mind. I tend to avoid socialising with anyone out of my ‘circle of obligation’ and my contact even with those people is minimal. To the extent where my partners family think I hate them because I avoid them so much. This couldn’t be further from the truth. They’re truly such nice people, with good hearts, but they aren’t ‘my’ people, so interaction seems forced on my end. My own family do not talk to me as they gave me the option to either have contact with a relative I strongly dislike or walk. I chose the latter with no negative feeling. If it’s all or nothing I’ll choose nothing every time. Walking is far too easy for me and I am not generally the type to scramble to keep someone whether I could potentially lose them forever or not. I can happily socialise with ‘my’ people but more often than not I would just rather sit at home with my partner and dog. People pleasing is very much not in my nature, even him sadly. I’d like it to be to an extent, I wish I was more pliable, but I’m not. It makes things hard day to day for me and the few people left in my life. Again, mostly my partner who I love so much and want to improve myself for. I know he would like me to be more social. I love the idea of personal relationships, I see others relationships and almost feel jealous that I don’t have it but the truth is when I have the option I don’t want it. I was just curious if anyone else was like that, all the other people with BPD I know are actually quite extroverted, and while I can be at times & put on a very good front (interact well when pushing myself to do so) the feeling for me is just not genuine. I sound like a bitch, I know. It’s not a quality I like about myself and I am working on it. I just wish it was easier and more natural for me! I try and force it but the lack of true feeling in it means it fizzles our every time.",3.729698384899788,5.3559605026269725,5.147107997664918,80.76068145553613,72.69527145359021,8.22791982876046,26.87452811831095,8.841846274778883,2.080172414866706,2281,81,442,45,45,764,244,571,0.09,0.73,0.18,0.9942,2,2,1,0,0,0,67.0,1,1,6,4,26,29,4,2,25,0,60,8,1,2,6,106,90,36,0,15,33,0,5,6,4,4,4,2,1,5,33,27,0,3,15,0,0,6,22,9,1,1,7,9,73,20,63,71,19,44,0,2,1,3,32,21,1,14,20,335,106,2,0.0,0.0,0.058057669610370614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273793919000765,0.0,0.05957475764743112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049503865816870635,0.12892368749866862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247989958713777,0.06095874678149332,0.09791716724565858,0.05296237172945454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03626705748833281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997229973759307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060658210615465565,0.0,0.0,0.051248908130960384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04750120606522632,0.0,0.0,0.07673755875099005,0.0,0.0,0.06038526970292801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939939022382437,0.0,0.05269412301650462,0.0,0.0,0.07859059761829276,0.0,0.10025270792414807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825725730154573,0.0,0.12032803924128745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05437653906820927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980167422949612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05329503707370484,0.058738116904717634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050080726309547,0.0,0.0,0.05967744357270997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716160898037267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052881098902361284,0.0,0.0,0.13078562865600424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464052501429356,0.0,0.04202244961712152,0.17439490303274868,0.059628728272667436,0.0,0.052650415523163206,0.0,0.06655869152042812,0.0,0.0,0.16108727229174874,0.0,0.07942556132704244,0.06031768996385802,0.0,0.06480652750895591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060072091627745475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749400664618792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417240696518716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04031474891878347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5774401519059159,0.0519479623962398,0.06215868267984955,0.06530666746029881,0.056241164512848135,0.0,0.05697891206089211,0.0,0.0,0.0569278287864799,0.0,0.059808013323781765,0.0,0.06327930967274564,0.0,0.0,0.03811345054850057,0.0,0.0,0.25549763803103376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04740910325102789,0.0541612036549797,0.0,0.0672114104135153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129350654174335,0.0504091666663117,0.04580147279615634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04781911233325893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905048669907816,0.0381214236699273,0.0,0.0,0.10407448261912007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04039259565767592,0.0,0.0,0.061935467086702736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19635548719049756,0.10527350323878364,0.047223655603329334,0.0,0.0,0.053492350194494304,0.0,0.05368418090852112,0.0,0.13683058164530665,0.0,0.0,0.04331242093410925,0.0,0.0,0.08452581810084632,0.0,0.0,0.03831225649902841 bpd,moppingonion,2020/02/15,"I broke my foot and it feels like the end of the fucking world 2020 started off great... was super motivated and going to the gym 3-5 times a week, I started seeing an amazing guy who I clicked with right away and who seemed to want to actually get to know me. I had just finished up a temporary contract in a retail job but I felt optimistic about finding new work... Flash forward to the start of February. On the 27th it'll be the one year anniversary of my dad's passing. Thought things were still going great with new guy, last weekend I went down to stay with him and met his family, I was totally smitten. Since then we've barely spoken, I thought it was because he needed space and was rehearsing for the DJ set that he's playing tonight in another city. While giving him space I was very emotionally overwhelmed and had a self-harm relapse. Thursday night, I ended up breaking my foot. Have made it to 23 with no serious injuries until I had a skateboard accident the other night and went to the hospital yesterday to be told it was broken in several places. I feel fucking useless now. Basically house bound for the next 6 weeks, I don't have a clue where I stand with this guy but I have a bad feeling he's going to break things off with me after his set tonight is out of the way. At least if I hadn't broken my foot I'd be able to go see him DJ tonight and hopefully get some reassurance from him in person (he did say it was shit yesterday when I told him I couldn't make it) but idk how to shake the thought that he's been hardly speaking to me because he's decided he's not into me anymore. I honestly feel like everything is falling apart. TLDR; this year started off good but now I've broken my foot, the one year anniversary of my dad's death is coming up and I feel like my almost-boyfriend is about to dump me and I feel so fucking useless and helpless.",4.596190476190476,5.2951144708994695,5.415794708994714,83.1643904761905,69.63492063492063,8.58768253968254,31.257566137566137,8.726425361277474,2.3707888677248667,1482,61,301,24,25,484,198,378,0.146,0.735,0.11900000000000001,-0.9442,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,3,10,25,5,2,21,0,27,8,5,4,1,52,66,22,1,5,7,2,8,3,0,1,0,2,0,4,16,20,0,1,15,5,1,11,5,13,0,2,24,13,40,12,48,37,3,75,0,5,3,3,29,24,4,4,38,184,56,3,0.09019175934719996,0.0,0.08801414680516897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031401881357556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457392363990418,0.0,0.0,0.08944599002373065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473812683785978,0.0,0.07530635174260726,0.10996011873681716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776922145534627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145358978667222,0.15976625689832488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105853770304862,0.0,0.08502476385151622,0.0,0.2736219809105735,0.1932990326964159,0.08659823292991135,0.0,0.08243363408185245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501424845575151,0.09424294346264757,0.08652015392799448,0.20503222122769416,0.07564856862139258,0.0,0.19887346617033827,0.0,0.26791206504579856,0.0,0.0,0.0807941009081442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958076757484712,0.0,0.10406918090926102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895014043353256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04956703221894265,0.07351832160173241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321894135659191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534162343982954,0.06020369971474506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687604674031572,0.0,0.17421552639590274,0.09591995926894832,0.1692777127800213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223254062948205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875196540364307,0.09423119218038603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702326968310809,0.0,0.0717241070650436,0.0,0.0,0.14374231006654234,0.08210719034410806,0.09408967509094993,0.10189101599870153,0.09258054487949256,0.07460755534792822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25535276592154355,0.09613241506868396,0.07202725552011897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983879456487727,0.0,0.0,0.21480654721318598,0.05259154017826796,0.0,0.0,0.1723641822783683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441764710660166,0.05319743645088633,0.07159002048896804,0.14469277813053028,0.0,0.0,0.16721732901485006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566067498343102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424160789983434 bpd,nononononoyesnomaybe,2020/02/15,"How do you take action? I know what the problems are, I know what the solutions are, and I know how to implement them. But I just can't get myself to do it.",0.7216666666666676,2.168032147058824,3.0594117647058816,93.31401960784315,80.47058823529412,6.886274509803924,20.15686274509804,7.793537801064563,0.5134627450980398,119,3,29,2,3,41,23,34,0.086,0.86,0.054000000000000006,-0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,0,9,10,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,2,10,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,24,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24705500157358645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7796307780456202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4524726241493263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555393093834752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,vmach13,2020/02/15,"Any experiences with these meds? Just got prescribed escitalopram and quetiapine for bpd with social phobia and disassociation, anyone had any experiences with these medications and are there any negative side effects that stand out? Also in most cases are they effective?",11.026428571428575,13.865013547619052,10.660476190476194,43.56785714285715,56.38095238095239,13.219047619047622,37.80952380952381,12.45797560212912,6.1374666666666675,227,10,27,8,3,74,33,42,0.14,0.797,0.063,-0.5775,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,11,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,6,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090648632735052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5333425299339944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827973983292588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292609673492553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5114559086544287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20908883974023126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29038894299337353,0.26336244861716873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26649418060520713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,eecbeec,2020/02/15,"Starting to suspect I might have BPD, don't know how to tell therapist about it I've been diagnosed with adult ADHD somewhat recently, which makes most things in my life make sense. But there are still some major things ADHD doesn't explain, and I used to just link those to a messed up personality, but now I really don't know. I realize self-diagnosing is bad, but I'm finding myself constantly reading about BPD and freaking out every time I can relate to the symptoms. The biggest reason I feel like I can't bring this up with my therapist is that I feel like she'll just be fed up with everything at this point - first I have depression, then it goes away and I develop anxiety and panic disorder instead, and *then* these go away too and boom I have ADHD, and now this crazy patient thinks she has BPD? I don't know, I guess I just feel like she won't take me seriously anymore, because maybe it *is* just my shitty personality. I'm really confused and frustrated at this point :/ **TL;DR:** Scared my therapist won't take me seriously if I tell her I worry about having BPD because I seem to have every mental illness in the book at this point. Lol.",3.100788690476186,5.391031191964288,4.478928571428573,81.94940476190479,76.36607142857143,7.838095238095237,25.845238095238088,8.704169506293173,2.079314880952381,913,34,173,20,21,302,124,224,0.23399999999999999,0.6970000000000001,0.069,-0.9923,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,1,14,13,1,3,4,1,22,5,0,5,0,44,43,15,0,1,8,0,3,3,0,4,4,1,0,3,14,12,1,0,14,2,0,2,7,10,0,1,2,4,28,3,23,36,4,27,0,1,0,0,10,15,0,8,13,119,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327811424331794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955501722670815,0.0,0.09017010967931126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084826695891084,0.0,0.07591600243206155,0.11085031273306206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4580518836288416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825429108931816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831091341672483,0.18456766262863356,0.0,0.0,0.1042043933671469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321127209318308,0.0,0.08171475583409986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791855857837246,0.19486390585554866,0.0,0.0,0.08310098445389005,0.07733813569232302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05167302041988986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016074160680292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990492241656336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422083847532735,0.13325956721503587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138217051292392,0.0,0.09134328581899276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916279067274338,0.0964537850914096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066772787430515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877902085993698,0.0,0.0,0.2578517988422309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094652122060136,0.0,0.11649381574439943,0.09348287314338873,0.0897744236012759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910286998317702,0.0,0.0,0.08277189795567222,0.0948513881996368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435500044203303,0.0,0.07261035993257847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945026845806687,0.136723931609713,0.0,0.15893952506125836,0.0,0.0,0.3167020584440933,0.12080896244632723,0.058259092800683324,0.0,0.0,0.053017300661775804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852734324970295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233561961870446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,reason_productions,2020/02/15,"How do I show love for a ""friend"" with BPD? I have been friends with a woman since high school, roughly 2006. Aside from the distance that college created, we have managed to stay friends (soul mates, according to her) throughout the years, with very few gaps in communication. She was recently diagnosed with BPD. But it was something I recognized when we became very close over the summer of 2019. (Her push/pull behavior, fear of abandonment, etc.) In noticing the pattern, and taking the time to understand it, I established myself in the role whereby I was never too close, but never ""gone"" entirely. And I did this for preservation: for myself (so that I wouldn't be *used* as an emotional crutch and/or subject to her push/pull behavior), and for her (to let her know that ""I'm still here, I'm not abandoning you, but we don't need to talk *every day*""). We are more than friends, but less than partners. I mention all of this because, over the past month or so, it seems that her push/pull behavior with me has intensified. It now feels that, *no matter what I do*, I am either too close or too far; that any contact is too close, and that any absence is too far. In other words, it feels as if the middle, the grey area, has vanished. What should I do? I do love her, but it is becoming more and more difficult to demonstrate that. Any help is much appreciated.",4.334651162790699,6.017555527131788,4.671232558139536,84.54847674418605,71.24806201550388,8.26077519379845,28.403875968992253,8.841846274778883,2.156453643410852,1058,40,208,20,20,333,143,258,0.032,0.841,0.127,0.9728,0,0,1,0,0,0,63.0,4,1,0,0,12,10,0,1,12,0,24,3,0,2,3,45,37,19,0,4,10,0,3,0,6,2,1,0,0,2,19,18,0,2,5,1,0,1,6,4,0,0,6,4,28,6,30,27,9,29,1,2,1,2,27,15,0,4,12,151,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789528695805029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335220850112085,0.15101274161523265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444251546723417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818257448839374,0.0,0.0,0.13878284976094565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538081418286883,0.0,0.0,0.15249534293078612,0.0,0.0,0.11520488829820005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386456032863008,0.13827435295236445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4225635829869899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916503921216169,0.1444677256171074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514581926168391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982050236923135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468168238032206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914033891591443,0.0,0.1005157428309523,0.1013870529727449,0.2109164715376646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567337063850245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052875006128367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350090277526056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383828237993761,0.0,0.12447814221415253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310836293299242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052650580045482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145741004949249,0.10919651395149528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280748311526194,0.10990217838385613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973110747226447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234565260459656,0.0,0.11809488536762774,0.0,0.22564090723250305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805266853763269 bpd,afk_starskipping,2020/02/15,"I think I handled tonight wrong. My roommate is a really cool person. She’s been super nice, we have a lot in common, I know I need to socialize outside my FP (first time I’ve acknowledged that, honestly), and she’s right down the hall. But I just feel so,,,, empty lmao. I’ve got depression and am working through it, but I acknowledge how these are compounding and affecting my other relationships. Flashback to her birthday. See; me and her on the floor. We went in to pee together and I kinda broke down. She was crying about how no one picks her first, and I was crying cuz I had attempted suicide the semester before and we traded support. I told her that when she’s worried about that stuff, she doesn’t have to with me. I really meant it, but my actions do not fit the emotions. Tonight was supposed to be the lot of us going out. I wasn’t looking forward to partying tonight. However! My roommate gave me a Valentine’s Day card - it was really special. My name in hieroglyphics, with a message on the back. I put it on the wall with tape with my name facing outwards. When I got home, I climbed onto my roommates bed, chatted briefly with my FP with the other two in the room, and then stared at my roommates screen while she edited for like 3 mins before announcing I was gonna take a nap. Then, I did. She was trying clothes on, and when I came in to see her skirt, she showed it off, but I was wack dissociating, and she said, “are you gonna say anything or just keep nodding and looking like you’re gonna cry.” I just said, “nah!!!! I’m good” and laid on my friend’s bed. Some other convo happened until she said, “okay, you and [roommate] are my valentines!” as if it were obvious. It just didn’t click for me. When we were leaving the room, she said something with the word nut job. Then we hung out in her room. I just didn’t say much. She said she’d been feeling gassy. I made some joke about how yoga is great for releasing gas, but I didn’t remain cognizant of how she had farted in yoga and was embarrassed, and said, “You’re hurting everyone.” I explained a bit after that, “hey! I don’t know how early I will leave, etc” She then mentioned how I get too drunk too quickly, and reiterated that she was just looking forward to dancing. Again, kinda fucked myself over. Am I a douschebag? Is there something I can do tomorrow to make her more comfortable? What would this seem like from her perspective/what would help the most for this situation? Thanks!",2.764028925619833,4.846620485537193,3.693801652892564,88.17206611570248,76.58264462809917,6.7140495867768575,26.08264462809917,7.686295010490155,1.4184355371900828,1921,73,388,28,44,615,238,484,0.105,0.777,0.11800000000000001,0.7781,3,0,2,0,0,1,80.0,6,2,0,6,26,22,1,1,19,2,40,4,2,11,1,81,80,42,1,4,14,0,2,3,1,6,0,8,6,1,20,31,1,1,10,8,1,9,8,6,0,4,34,19,78,16,50,38,9,63,0,3,8,1,54,31,1,10,30,272,98,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740387011110057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918236420114535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311787285929815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822534033918663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290318086901884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964876939627571,0.0580240353777667,0.0,0.07749213552223211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120558528296296,0.0,0.0,0.10034176507655933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597141799507417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098436957748132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305905730442748,0.0,0.0,0.06951159123796061,0.08317700276224732,0.047006282734706216,0.0,0.0511327543826859,0.07546364479802943,0.14391651053034954,0.0991936588115913,0.0,0.0,0.07956130976771325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060305855501540315,0.0,0.09024853418530007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963161209107308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928261709073287,0.07997061161360447,0.0,0.0,0.0988917300414061,0.0,0.0,0.19053319896085089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186627497638306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266596574533064,0.0,0.0,0.1529807373933511,0.0,0.08513300482898054,0.060056531056636324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613924635204775,0.06671256745075342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06096687086697539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855945529003222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044599117973066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17291372613281833,0.0,0.0,0.0965954887629082,0.0,0.07683498538669245,0.5134997687812646,0.14309755326901644,0.0,0.0,0.14339093028446626,0.08190647834332945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011314934513178,0.0,0.0917143942187331,0.0,0.13852858084796485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029955953359934,0.09841398233623604,0.1020983474671431,0.0,0.0,0.06764720889572398,0.0,0.0,0.08283347076418343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05764996624019283,0.0,0.0,0.052462979534444086,0.0,0.0,0.08597141799507417,0.0,0.06108459631993635,0.0,0.08788887163863944,0.0,0.10822437740739647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340428213524323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550016668454557,0.09137020674175624,0.0,0.12782603824375385,0.09836947569549677,0.0,0.0 bpd,freakalicious_mn,2020/02/15,"I am tired of beating myself up So tired of all of this. I just spent 3 months in a intensive mental health rehab that was DBT based and I rocked it in there. But now I am home, I am alone and and I am faking it all. People promised that they would be there for me. Nope. I have my therapist, my case manager, and my arhms worker. But with friends and family, they have no clue. They don't have to live with this. They want me to go back to work. The thought of having to deal with people starts a panic. Hell, I have panic attacks in Walmart when I try to go there alone. Part of me wants to go back to the facility and feel safe again. The depression is starting to slowly kill me. Even here I am all over he place. My boyfriend tries to understand but I feel like such a burden on him. I don't even let him spend the night anymore. Shit, I lost my orgasm with him. I fake that too. I guess I just needed to vent. Thank you.",0.0007418198117434828,2.180159500000002,1.5676064545047057,98.8468915284626,88.02061855670105,4.817212012550425,16.16674137158225,6.280692351149826,-0.5954259973106235,709,15,168,7,23,228,110,194,0.207,0.727,0.065,-0.9779,0,2,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,1,4,4,16,16,4,2,7,0,17,6,2,0,3,28,33,11,1,4,5,0,2,1,1,1,4,0,1,0,7,10,0,1,4,1,2,3,4,11,0,0,4,2,34,5,26,26,4,19,1,2,0,1,11,7,2,1,10,122,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779565118685248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330783973553442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265817468561693,0.0,0.2063645141665028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834189293960575,0.11557589194462276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17725976193628898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650046475950955,0.0,0.1356989273307577,0.09586390429484344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367328379423026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287863273687473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782316466466885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426355248701443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460146329517994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845909437241012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372162789790001,0.0,0.06555745837992345,0.0,0.11849042570686424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648200801850336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522990072517996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710754816916096,0.0,0.0,0.09949867086608513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592630881924874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148813135493362,0.0,0.1453124824289358,0.0,0.18605806903342526,0.0,0.14019785607965468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774201096749758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899578552379918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235422433763324,0.0,0.15580256224141562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653025003126383,0.0,0.30845863667535656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182209630852886,0.0,0.0,0.13969439708963854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829506911195235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769043188796822,0.0,0.0,0.09532327560859924,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,27rats,2020/02/15,"Feeling very alone, lost and confused Hello, so for a little background info, recently I cut off multiple friends, each friend for a different reasons and a reasonable amount of time but mostly based around the feelings that I was being disrespected/taken advantage of. Not long after breaking off several friendships which I felt to be toxic to my mental health, a family member very close to me, a father figure, recently passed away following a horribly abusive relationship I escaped earlier in the year. many people I still considered friends knew about my BPD and recent tragedies and not a single one reached out. Like for weeks. Months. Not a single soul reached out to see if I was okay. I however had reached out many times to many friends attempting to hang out/interact etc, but I wasn’t partying or part taking in substances. I just wanted someone to come over and sit with me. I understand grief is a personal matter and often awkward for those around but I was not asking for any emotional labor, I just wanted love from friends, a sign that I mattered in any way. Once that things had shifted for me and I wasn’t getting drunk every night or going to parties, many started to make excuses as to why they couldn’t come over or offer literally any kind of support. And as I got to thinking about it, nobody in my group of friends had showed interest in my current state of mental health nor how I might be doing. This lack of empathy or rather lack of giving a fuck, deeply hurt and I decided to distance myself from the remaining friends as I do not see reason in keep those around who didn’t think twice about reaching out when I was in such a fragile state. Now I am starting to feel a little better but after months of isolation I find myself, well, isolated and going back and forth in my head. did I make the right choices? Was I too harsh? Is it me who should’ve reached out more? Why would so many people call themselves my friends but lack any desire to have real conversations or friendships beyond parties and drugs? Even when I know someone is wrong, how can I trust my reality? How do I get over this incredibly horrible feeling of guilt/self doubt/loneliness? These questions have been plaguing me in my continued isolation. It does not help to see all my old friends still being friendly with each other and living life happily without me while I am still, many months later grieving each and every lost friendship. I cannot pull myself out of isolation and I feel like every time I have even an inkling of an idea to go out or reach out I’m reminded of all the people who did not care before and I would be best off keeping to myself. I’m suffering!! Really really suffering and I don’t know how much more I can take Terribly sorry if this was not well written as I’m having a bit of a brain fog moment tonight and only feeling worse dwelling on these thoughts.",7.574720194647202,7.386417007299273,7.382175182481752,74.67097566909978,63.23357664233578,10.518345498783457,35.96739659367397,10.047579312681364,3.5820881265206808,2312,97,410,44,30,736,272,548,0.175,0.629,0.196,0.9241,4,4,1,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,1,6,30,38,2,3,22,1,40,9,2,9,2,112,88,45,2,12,25,1,8,2,10,3,4,0,0,1,19,37,1,2,23,2,0,9,16,14,2,2,22,11,53,24,79,57,19,78,1,7,3,2,28,33,1,13,33,296,72,1,0.0,0.07046691751612033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061597086300759635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617773293863085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588333012184885,0.055600124339702996,0.0,0.055877743317871514,0.045731804241884465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05060795961797479,0.0,0.06241425191885585,0.05259988464682324,0.06493016085607828,0.0,0.07490537081606909,0.06639260873969799,0.06072956289389715,0.0,0.06063766609796412,0.0,0.0,0.10246310095860592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621376299628105,0.0,0.0,0.05204606330952539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897091203378765,0.0,0.0,0.06690020018525444,0.0,0.0,0.06632918679137015,0.07856397952501512,0.0,0.15032812953530994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0560667565763914,0.0,0.1804309274466696,0.042488209009978566,0.0571043285001773,0.0,0.054358122109528485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4594943407533444,0.0549827178020436,0.062145378955600024,0.057052841895617636,0.10140126638250843,0.0,0.047566758976416185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103744134515215,0.1264360770095752,0.0,0.0,0.03986414182691597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366810440332267,0.06713886180670696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057263768778976,0.0,0.061932977389894686,0.06537066623288361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04200821690331654,0.05811194556070229,0.11921706486746783,0.052516596420175116,0.05263258319061995,0.0,0.0,0.12984570613250734,0.0,0.05367757104794662,0.0,0.07939866043731643,0.36178356467011386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987152679987728,0.06309247312027033,0.0,0.0,0.1424146427156039,0.0,0.043720203867036164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055812282718127805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240791657366275,0.0633378265327516,0.04030109459142491,0.04523262668841997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440450314030834,0.0,0.12369526648066667,0.051930367979724966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662444661592339,0.0,0.0,0.0676943871502143,0.07620108357142992,0.1834474092047899,0.17617008194909253,0.06385277568587824,0.0,0.05079043700235528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217913834438636,0.0,0.0620443112184189,0.06718864637244773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078418685859124,0.0,0.0,0.0665762291758192,0.08419195020073042,0.0,0.14248794418874616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749034517253441,0.0,0.0,0.08943403280450185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03951185642227064,0.07621702441340096,0.0,0.04721568104812818,0.10403923330978623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619144899712453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814449147074528,0.0701585652196247,0.04720766127693592,0.047706423413145314,0.0,0.10694846540897143,0.0,0.10733199689354599,0.0,0.0,0.05733077524512109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060609046388793685,0.08449718978933375,0.06502543903824544,0.0,0.038299280402038775 bpd,spacegurl2021,2020/02/15,"Discovering my own BPD... I’d like to preface by saying I am *not* seeking a diagnosis, but I am curious about what others who have BPD may think about my situation and if it resembles BPD. So I’ve been following this subreddit for some time, primarily because I believed my mother to suffer from BPD and wanted a better understanding. However, I’ve began to realize that almost every post speaks to me in some way, shape, or form. I’m only now starting to consider that I suffer from BPD myself. Here are a few examples of some BPD-esque behaviors I’ve displayed over the years: - I don’t feel in control of myself most of the time. I feel like my head and heart cannot agree on what the hell to do most of the time. And I’m constantly lost and confused. - I have historically had issues with alcohol dependency, some of which have resulted in serious repercussions. I generally only use alcohol in social situations to make me feel better, but I always overindulge. Like, a lot. I feel like a complete boring loser unless I have a ton of drinks. - I have trouble maintaining relationships and can’t trust most people. As a result, I tend to isolate. I’m lonely and have been for a long time. - I have lashed out, and even hit, people that I love, with absolutely no idea why I resorted to that. I often feel immense guilt, shame, and regret for months and even years after these episodes. I have let these moments define me, if I’m being honest. - Ironically, I also have narcissistic tendencies and sometimes wonder why other people don’t see my “fantastic” qualities. - On the flip side, I literally hate everything about myself. I could go on, but it’s difficult for me to revisit all the pain and trauma I’ve caused for myself over the years. I guess I’m just looking for some perspective on this. I’ve really enjoyed reading posts in this sub and, even though I came here for my mom’s sake, I figure I might get some help out of it too. Thank you!",4.673260368663595,6.266096932795701,6.149493087557605,74.63709677419358,70.26344086021507,9.507834101382487,28.60829493087557,9.871247098662263,2.936210138248849,1537,57,276,39,28,522,197,372,0.17600000000000002,0.6940000000000001,0.129,-0.9613,1,2,3,0,0,0,56.0,0,1,0,5,15,28,2,3,15,0,25,7,2,7,1,66,56,24,0,5,9,2,5,4,0,2,3,2,0,0,18,18,3,1,11,2,0,3,6,17,0,0,6,9,40,11,48,44,15,37,1,6,2,1,10,15,1,21,20,194,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731734897530514,0.08113076801360443,0.0,0.0,0.0647924164891774,0.06741591257716709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049389613047781486,0.0,0.0,0.09128285454716792,0.0,0.1433128747619316,0.0,0.0,0.6122582263537922,0.0,0.0,0.09266637119714244,0.0,0.08323082368061888,0.0,0.0,0.08494891415879695,0.08755485298217182,0.0908718736210036,0.06468862789927729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936967625895902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605407003370793,0.0,0.06826363640004182,0.0,0.07281639666022173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048331084909947,0.11576275152674848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04233009716226905,0.0,0.04604606736102211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925369985110322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999140448636154,0.0831508590372435,0.0,0.0,0.09601020406468534,0.054306628270122316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914627794183227,0.0,0.08456481151537301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284940054191714,0.0,0.15833095513862674,0.0,0.0,0.0717009823675518,0.06803718400023677,0.0,0.08844392695101881,0.06888110589773262,0.07312456166749083,0.0,0.05408210662399943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595041376437625,0.0,0.0948907457690032,0.06467014136629931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324015170900646,0.08621199261853685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16850915503726455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551913286307473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104286547109807,0.0,0.05190408885837438,0.0,0.0,0.08698616837769671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443110347340993,0.0,0.0,0.06456319940662011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821418625301733,0.0,0.08259064517754795,0.0,0.0,0.08013178141354436,0.0,0.057347038382758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459319609518943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05191494690447245,0.07960266223733865,0.0,0.1889758467946662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434565595320026,0.0,0.06997607857206105,0.0,0.0,0.04778824962406135,0.06431065100057977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621759279544147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786375336672393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652448705686406 bpd,Boop121314,2020/02/15,"I don’t know how to be happy. I don’t really know what to do,I want to be happy so I think what makes others happy. I want a relationship but then people say you won’t be happy until your happy with yourself. But then how does loving myself help me stop being lonely? I’m at university but I don’t want a job I can barley drag myself to go in. I convince myself I don’t need uni, I get unemployment and disability benefits that give me enough to live. Is that what I want? I feel like saying “fuck it I can do with benefits” isn’t the “normal” thing to say but I don’t find any joy in thinking about work so why would I want to. Neither option seems like a good one. Other than that everything I do just seems pointless. I work out but I just think what’s the point. I think I can go play video games but then I know when I go to bed afterwards I’ll be just as unhappy as before. I wish someone could give me a list of wha tv I needed to achieve to be content so I could strive for it.",-0.2538028169014055,1.844285272300468,2.4135511737089206,92.93367887323946,88.29577464788733,5.2859342723004685,16.501220657276995,6.742157984588678,-0.1934606948356805,765,17,175,10,25,265,108,213,0.08900000000000001,0.633,0.278,0.9911,3,2,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,3,10,16,1,0,6,0,22,2,0,3,0,41,50,19,0,12,9,0,1,2,0,2,0,3,1,0,12,4,0,1,11,4,0,3,8,2,0,1,0,4,32,14,23,40,2,15,0,1,0,2,11,5,1,3,9,117,44,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195290951748398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900346161744663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895778377510806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925930894831166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932770698507284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509319799885332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053499585906028144,0.07558908952328562,0.0,0.0,0.09670638170438887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781757515823143,0.05528019093756256,0.20300090185457684,0.18039897611504035,0.08874653451802117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5631716745908567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092071554760097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499788183712136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444754405559107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338466030254644,0.0,0.09343019630059199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549564027005357,0.0,0.07062750574419065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15691023633697335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366914604620868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169808090150791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335378284532139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002253942746077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677831645774882,0.0,0.0,0.1135979437612111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524277481816931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926468335050695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965057718950255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846003054548282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029397853961768,0.27118937775089424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31204081030845504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954750519137422,0.0,0.12167370969331115,0.0,0.0,0.15405862834120504,0.0,0.0,0.07516280154279946,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,soadie-popp,2020/02/15,"Obsession with FP in a Dark Place I've been obsessed with this person for several years now, don't usually get any validation from them, but I hang on them like a drooling puppy anyway. They're away for the weekend and my life has fallen apart. I haven't left the house to go to work or therapy. I haven't been able to eat. I'm violently rocking back and forth sobbing because I'm so alone and I'll never get any better. Even if they were here I'd STILL be empty, because they don't care about me that way. How do I cut these emotional ties to them? I want to stop loving them.",1.8200826446280969,3.6682205950413262,3.5231404958677714,89.39561983471077,78.58677685950414,6.7140495867768575,22.570247933884296,7.686295010490155,0.9088280991735548,456,14,99,7,11,152,86,121,0.244,0.667,0.09,-0.9616,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,6,2,9,9,2,2,4,0,10,4,1,1,1,12,18,8,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,5,1,1,0,2,0,3,5,5,0,0,3,1,13,4,14,14,0,18,0,1,0,1,8,6,1,2,9,59,16,1,0.19448734296956946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20143023300274468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645161249489493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182727260851746,0.14954876175636722,0.0,0.2371153582159928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17200825001030018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19829280805941168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19900910567626998,0.0,0.21877208356006084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845705577758387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032232190650876,0.0,0.11053163897218388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22441228141637287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21131106719872256,0.0,0.1373721620134577,0.0950166918397788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17553242032287378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500006286625089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698188461545018,0.20319787888234725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21971533893437192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531784332504087,0.16260012728930032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224132264257124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21420033131612956,0.0,0.11471367387675432,0.15437500020858266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158910201492186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524347235438935 bpd,littlerosefrog,2020/02/15,"breaking up is terrifying I feel so miserable. My boyfriend and I broke up recently, and I found out that he's going on a date tomorrow. He initially said he didn't plan on seeing anybody else, which gave me some comfort. I know I shouldn't feel like my skin is crawling or that I feel like I might get swallowed whole because I was on dating apps initially when we broke up because I couldn't deal with not having an FP and wanted something to distract me. I think that he's going on dates because he thought I was doing it for fun to enjoy myself when I'm young rather than the fact that I felt so unstable and craved some stability. The dates obviously never led anywhere, because why would you put up with someone ready to jump into a relationship that quickly to avoid not having an FP. Hearing about my FP with someone else feels like the ultimate rejection. We've been talking less and less, and I keep feeling more and more desperate. His date with this girl is tomorrow and I don't think I'm prepared. I hate that I feel like this because I know that when I went on dates I was still thinking about him and that these dates didn't mean anything to me, and most likely mean nothing to him. But that tiny twinge of ""why isn't it me"" keeps coming back and it hurts so much I haven't been able to get out of bed. I still love him so much and everything hurts so badly I don't know how to breathe.",5.937530918727911,5.651060604240283,6.110245141342754,82.75851258833923,66.63250883392226,9.195141342756186,32.175132508833926,8.660442795831766,2.3294171378091875,1113,41,230,15,16,355,143,283,0.175,0.7659999999999999,0.057999999999999996,-0.9847,1,1,1,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,0,1,16,19,1,3,7,0,21,4,2,2,3,59,55,23,0,5,5,0,8,5,0,3,0,2,1,1,16,21,1,3,17,0,0,7,11,10,0,0,13,11,36,9,30,38,10,39,0,6,1,1,19,12,0,5,24,151,52,0,0.10514366285502487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652427570900521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084898660453285,0.08779056663021427,0.32047300484113844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905719554934388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839849956078763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756680771504754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944963444715779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31898277091851124,0.3004586150093079,0.10095440506900573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528459929954388,0.0,0.0,0.1098664483942059,0.0,0.11951113327434393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380759910958118,0.0,0.0,0.11850454964626805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251169314385276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18691303721006888,0.0,0.0,0.17335262208235627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568394132970556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948962608093345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290645455402203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154081057391912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458538036669411,0.0,0.0810932746950033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088818024966503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569842204384626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381668244333646,0.1128849449889337,0.0,0.0,0.10001570103165076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378588629953461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817576866596016,0.08094472852039825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679357299512581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451049343170687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211544092741296,0.0,0.08347232364577951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062016456530263366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746922885588988,0.18975160335214636,0.11738914468096345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469104137314712,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yikesohtheyikes,2020/02/15,"Obsessed with FP and neglecting partner I have quite recently learned that I have BPD. All my life I have had FPs, usually this hasn’t affected anyone outside of the FP and I, but I’ve been in a relationship for a while now and it’s been hurting my partner. He means the world to me. However, as soon as I get an FP I start to neglect him. When I have an FP I become obsessed, bending over backwards to please them, and spend as much time as possible with them. My partner starts missing me and slowly gets upset that I’m constantly talking about my FP and not spending time with him, but he doesn’t say anything until too late. He feels that I care about my FPs more than him, which is not true at all, but I can see how my actions can seem that way. My previous FPs throughout our relationship have turned out to be toxic people who he’s helped me get away from. However, my current FP is a good person who I want to keep in my life as a close friend. My usual method of just forgetting about the FP altogether isn’t going to work this time, what I need is to learn how to healthily distance myself away from her and be more considerate about my partner’s feelings. I need to talk to my FP about this but I don’t know how. I don’t want to ruin my relationship because I can’t help becoming obsessed with others. Please help me.",5.2892777777777775,5.26840847407408,5.981620370370373,82.2335416666667,67.96296296296296,9.120370370370368,31.689814814814817,8.841846274778883,2.3744259259259257,1048,40,218,16,16,343,138,270,0.10800000000000001,0.7759999999999999,0.11599999999999999,0.6238,3,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,2,2,13,13,0,4,9,0,21,2,0,4,3,43,42,22,0,4,7,0,2,0,5,0,2,1,0,5,13,13,0,3,8,0,2,2,8,9,0,0,3,4,41,4,39,37,5,30,0,5,1,0,28,11,0,1,16,150,54,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329709334800886,0.0,0.09803222409946677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22384942446771305,0.0,0.0,0.07261934565988218,0.2631351149443289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003759234989453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145897320761448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873508700627695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046942982691662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203802589045344,0.0,0.18671844754094255,0.0,0.06770320874418116,0.09991894545950247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395470363063244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752902749273856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588647290451914,0.0,0.0,0.06546965367793314,0.0,0.1343816146086833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828731116123502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976535589366547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875728142560565,0.17666385996636286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258838124976604,0.10401800694177346,0.0,0.2615336223359229,0.0,0.13429896242164227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670733112886698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762456484208515,0.38369678800302415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473539648623268,0.0,0.0,0.09492962194462563,0.10844969076527776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16863887550036585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19150120733091214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20839354916297376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957709579891866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624054049866795,0.0,0.14052960546878912,0.09455829083141457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672662975738389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,frogwithablunt,2020/02/15,Borderline Personality Disorder with Antisocial features Has anyone ever got a similar diagnosis? What does it mean? Like I know a lot about BPD and stuff but I don't personally see where APD plays in,3.626666666666665,6.8758394444444475,6.229111111111113,63.22700000000002,85.1111111111111,10.657777777777778,29.42222222222221,9.888512548439397,4.611895555555557,164,8,26,7,5,58,34,36,0.054000000000000006,0.813,0.134,0.4137,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,3,5,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,2,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19350175843335726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485420293060659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31716591089251045,0.0,0.242175431823674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503255124851828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213327898991725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208805735603506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520028812343665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352728903954535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014489886729632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4832741802375858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205244869344288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31679898823331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kulia808,2020/02/15,"Ruined my Birthday and now Valentines Day. I Hate Myself I feel like I could kill everybody. My birthday was a few days ago and I had a fancy dinner planned with my boyfriend. I had this dress I bought in December for my birthday and I got all dressed up. Boyfriend will do anything for me if I just communicate it to him. I didn’t ask him to dress up and so he didn’t. What did I do? Flipped my shit. I turned it into “he doesn’t even love me because he doesn’t want to dress up for this special day”..... I apologized for throwing a fit. I know this keeps happening. Then tonight is Valentine’s Day. We finally do the fancy dinner and dress up. And the foods not as great as I wanted and I’ve been feeling sick lately because I’m struggling with bacterial overgrowth in my belly...anyways, we’re leaving the restaurant tonight and he says “ha I went on one tinder date with one of the waitresses”. I’m a jealous wreck. I’m obsessing where did they go on their date. Did he want to go on a second date and she rejected him? Am I just a pity girlfriend (we’ve been dating for 8 months...) like on and on and on. Why the FUCk am I jealous? It makes no sense. Just like last night he mentioned how his ex got a new golden retriever puppy and you know what I’ve been doing? I’ve been obsessing about that too. What does he look at her posts on Facebook all the time and just wish to be with her? Is he still in love with her? What. the. fuck. Is. Wrong. With. Me. Why cant I just be happy??? I put myself in a sour mood EVeRY single day lately. I don’t know why he even puts up with me anymore. I hate myself.",-0.24783783783783875,2.0252267387387377,1.5764804804804842,96.94021621621624,92.42342342342344,4.401441441441441,19.71231231231232,6.079149491110277,-0.06360588588588634,1236,41,277,12,45,403,160,333,0.182,0.7240000000000001,0.094,-0.9868,0,1,0,0,0,0,50.0,1,1,2,1,14,25,8,3,15,1,29,9,1,2,2,44,59,19,1,6,7,1,2,3,1,1,1,1,0,0,11,22,3,1,5,0,1,6,8,15,0,3,16,5,46,9,39,39,4,50,0,3,1,4,29,20,3,1,26,177,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686555384755964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837127988141376,0.0,0.0,0.08992388385012916,0.0,0.10215722591446658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13322585842316198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724706927507342,0.0,0.0,0.35236616387983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956271503096825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435000461582362,0.0,0.09206876706731652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050528655001574,0.078065968702052,0.0,0.1197052477050034,0.0,0.0,0.13213557226591968,0.0,0.0,0.2020456605304324,0.0,0.0,0.12420682148791334,0.0,0.1747941466131867,0.12047589868262767,0.0,0.0,0.09663138157690472,0.11632510088363615,0.0,0.2157725657591193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971285001256808,0.12089642186037028,0.0,0.1801637855447165,0.0890735806557606,0.2465335620949109,0.11570627925563545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015850382014338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176334540581428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19724962191025935,0.0,0.07294180532802276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722213605457141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553832299094246,0.0,0.10254703639873762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809492150133827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465509193532274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21970279552478306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689974004344006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216905462220754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726702969009584,0.0,0.0,0.11423779059435915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637190389255192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188596486440666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933593984390986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012988729784476,0.2958106438983741,0.0,0.12566067500858707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947488508175695,0.0,0.0 bpd,jewishgirl12,2020/02/15,"It doesnt actually get better (cw: self harm and suicide) It doesnt and it wont for me. Ive been to multiple therapists. Psych ward at 17. So many different pills. Ive been crazy since i was in elementary school. Im an insane person and i refuse to believe anyone will ever be able to love me and be able to contain me with all my emotions and all my crazyness. Im 20 and seen so many boys and fell hard for them even if we only talked for a week or less because i seek love so badly and they all broke my heart and left me and scarred me. Its been a year and im still thinking about a guy i met twice. There are different voices in my head and theyre all saying shit to me and i dont know what to believe and i dont know who i am. I can be perfectly fine one day and then completely depressed and wont leave my bed the next day. I was having the time of my life for the past three months and now its going back to shit and i started cutting again after 2 months clean and im so addicted to it and i just want someone to love me for who i am and not just for my body. Nobody ever wanted me as their girlfriend. We would act like a couple but they never wanted to only be with me. When i see couples on social media it sometimes triggers me and fucks me up for awhile. I believe that other people can live in some kind of peace with their illness. But i cant. Im insane. Im a crazy person and one minute i think im amazing and intelligent and one minute i think im ugly and useless and would just wanna hang myself or jump off of a tall building. I despise myself and i am stuck in this mental prison and i wish i was normal but i think i developed it so early that i never knew what normal was. I was never normal. I am currently stoned because it is the only thing that makes me happy and i dont know why im writing or even posting this. I am so tired and exhasuted. Literally nobody in this world besides my family actually cares about me and it hurts so bad. Nobody ever asks how im doing. And sometimes when i impulsivly post my emotions on social media nobody says a word and it makes everything worse because i feel like i love so many people and i hate them so much at the same time and wont even care if they died. And i hate that i care so much about how people will react to my shitty instagram stories that i constantly check my story and delete something if i feel like someone would judge me for it. I think im writing this to see if someone relates. Because i never ever found anyone who related to me. I wish i was normal and had a boyfriend who showed me off and genuinely loved and appreciated me. I crave love and attention like an insane person. I will do anything for attention. I will threaten to kill myself for attention. I will send nudes for attention. I refuse to believe i will ever be able to function normally and have a family of my own. I am the worst person alive but also the funniest, cutest, and most angelic. Im everything and then nothing. I know nobody will ever read this but if anyone does can you please tell me if you can relate to me or am i definitely fucked in the head.",1.7910505350308554,3.619082139784947,3.794019110104404,87.51393423416387,78.60061443932412,6.441209091619152,22.4010258012445,7.401539286593446,0.8482395324012599,2447,74,513,33,59,832,261,651,0.17800000000000002,0.688,0.135,-0.9854,4,0,1,0,0,3,42.0,2,2,7,2,35,36,9,0,19,0,53,20,7,6,15,130,95,78,3,20,19,0,3,4,1,13,5,3,2,7,30,50,0,3,17,2,1,6,14,17,0,5,15,9,96,19,54,62,12,57,1,4,3,9,42,16,4,12,37,366,126,3,0.1321652009701686,0.0,0.08598278072496067,0.04802652579128296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03523082115529063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241298151232703,0.0,0.036253566397835904,0.0,0.041185540638806806,0.0,0.0,0.03387562715835737,0.0735682815106388,0.10742223973116022,0.0,0.0,0.19853989694197385,0.0,0.03896312665565994,0.0,0.04893524792202593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347512307379908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0461908995563488,0.047607876566972934,0.0,0.0,0.097492187367462,0.0,0.056823747247655376,0.0,0.03794456464401337,0.0,0.04572220413760757,0.09205633672315422,0.0,0.0,0.03855288600485565,0.0,0.15489663122198286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991120414278133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729386876109943,0.2391019817561421,0.0,0.0,0.0791877070470888,0.0,0.08306239271533944,0.0,0.044551131153652064,0.06294589732062951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0483041070393951,0.0,0.08145639907683018,0.023016954196469576,0.0,0.02503750981986613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04362144264792107,0.0,0.04689743801155678,0.03946468672606235,0.08699051580798033,0.090426417237864,0.0,0.0,0.05220546650009397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04716186038142315,0.0,0.5710443868405445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048740404323288335,0.045876572893783496,0.0968460507127954,0.0,0.0,0.046647954892961384,0.04786595918808236,0.0,0.031117396678192324,0.08609232169581214,0.0,0.03890143127846271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385685078990729,0.0,0.05881419861812821,0.13399476963519466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04439714566363626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032866832321412,0.0,0.06477108655733464,0.0,0.13591193428584894,0.0,0.04685306353776288,0.0,0.21582305936929447,0.04227202494868616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895585606396718,0.10051759092986133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042055546376744635,0.09162670920197348,0.15386874085027116,0.0,0.048359234066757725,0.0,0.0,0.0843851524623265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04406698891685038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006871502281113,0.0,0.044586079781712036,0.07021236912464716,0.0,0.04595904292372701,0.0,0.09044378635393743,0.03644280666667518,0.0,0.0,0.0898171856219095,0.11198314588973582,0.0339157429047816,0.08714317547662329,0.0,0.031182403165747163,0.0,0.03518243340650886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04818909286040715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035409794070329195,0.0385060703549889,0.0,0.0,0.05115132831944685,0.029268228942288362,0.14114354030794524,0.0,0.0,0.05137772768673142,0.05063481874291021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795445981448677,0.0,0.035338317378747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03975284563119951,0.0,0.10132230570942244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04489587699253557,0.0938863667643418,0.0,0.0,0.02837001873948778 bpd,horrorbxtch,2020/02/15,"This disorder makes me a miserable human. When I'm in any situation where I'm supposed to be having fun or happy, I can't be. I'm too in my head or dissociating too badly to enjoy myself. I'm too busy observing everyone around me, seeing the genuine joy on everyones' faces, and wondering why I can't just be normal like them? The loud noises, the smiles, the laughter, it's too much for me to handle. It starts to feel like walls closing in on me. I worry what if one day I end up being a parent... Would my kid notice how absent I am all the time mentally? Will I quietly fade into the background at all their birthday parties, school events, etc too??? It's too hard to even force a smile most of the time. It's pathetic. My negative vibes probably just rub off on everyone around me and ruins their time too. Sometimes I think everyone would be so much happier and better off without me. I'm such a mopey, pouty, miserable person. I have no energy or excitement. I'm just a shell of a person with no personality. I'm not fun to be around.",2.7197660818713487,4.551481521531102,4.916323763955344,80.49565523657631,75.88995215311004,8.472195640616693,25.008240297713986,9.150863307647796,2.152310792131845,814,28,160,20,18,283,122,209,0.133,0.669,0.19899999999999998,0.9472,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,3,1,19,13,0,2,13,0,14,2,2,2,2,29,27,10,0,4,9,1,3,2,0,3,0,2,0,5,6,9,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,0,6,21,9,25,18,6,26,0,3,1,0,9,17,0,6,11,113,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863478244043306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33910585754384226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601939862719266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229968056466944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188881658284784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552514312095252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246277429009027,0.0,0.14161146053454368,0.08386624670175273,0.0,0.0,0.4853228586210022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420272481678589,0.09071145938099827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351679847087983,0.1137452790195358,0.0,0.13031369197041212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240678181573248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475726006094765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796163203409644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18668348653068426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244092181813685,0.0,0.14456266636587992,0.0,0.0,0.08604201471945393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140991478854578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33261082842019457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369012713950987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285061787101162,0.1011831865300414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272599732278726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558220565692405,0.0,0.08987404798643032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813608960616938,0.0,0.0,0.2221216404813492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457581177643578,0.0,0.0,0.12240003547119548,0.13769972101511427,0.0,0.12894997826848062,0.0,0.18039977626695256,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,deartothesun,2020/02/15,"Random stress. Don't know how to deal with it... I sometimes start feeling stressed for no reason. Just a pressure inside. And nothing seems to help. No breathing exercises, meditation, nothing... I usually end up drinking or something just so I can pass out. I have lost a lot of jobs because of this happening... I can't deal with anything when it happens, and if I even try to stick to my regular routine, I spiral. Why do these little episodes happen? And what can I do about them? Can anyone relate?",2.0782624113475165,4.879774521276595,3.2820212765957457,85.4841666666667,85.70212765957447,5.260992907801419,28.046099290780138,6.816661863887847,1.6852652482269508,391,19,69,5,12,126,69,94,0.183,0.8009999999999999,0.016,-0.9246,1,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,1,7,4,0,3,2,0,8,3,1,2,0,17,16,8,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,4,2,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,1,10,0,12,15,1,8,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,5,4,51,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176947750881331,0.0,0.1385148040949259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260763264306068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470655329457721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489164587499716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490834821287925,0.0,0.0,0.11117520593186513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510874676765362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44654021764189294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282280260493485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703378138500088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250546273601153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168703034359571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837435324168321,0.14310148984493373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230193239588481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730632249818409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323418201005046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958263009594898,0.16647493031299068,0.0,0.11913929841590135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38562495452209494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427970460729607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853830900964804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188457776529604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CottageCoreReject,2020/02/15,"Just venting really I'm not trying to self diagnose or anything I just need to share my feelings and maybe get advice on what to do. I can NOT get professional help because my parents mindset is ""you're only 16 so you could never have any sort of mental or physical issues."". Well to start with I can make a friend kinda easy but that's just it, a friend, I then cut everyone else from the past out of my life and focus solely on this person. I sometimes after a while get very annoyed with them for no reason/the tiniest things that do and I distance myself suddenly and quickly. If they don't reciprocate the same feelings I have I kinda do ghost them, really fast too. All I want are friends and my brain doesn't agree with me I guess. I have poor social skills because I've isolated myself to the point of if I go out and get near a large crowd I wanna sit down and scream and cry and make everyone go away but I also can't because VERY bad anxiety and confrontation issues. I feel toxic honestly. I don't wanna be toxic, I wanna be someone who can have friends and be there for them. If youd like an example of what happened the other night, ""my friend usually wakes up by 11-1am my time, it was 3 am and I was still waiting because I wanted to at least say hi to him and I started crying and my mind was working overtime to tell me how much he hated me and ghosted me and wanted absolutely nothing to do with me, then he woke up and I felt a wave of relief and hatred towards myself at the same time."" But I also can't sleep because of my mind, it runs 24/7 and screams at me, tells me I'm worth nothing, tells me I should find a new friend, tells me to do triggering stuff like harming myself, and I've just accepted it as telling the truth. I've never been told any different. Nobody who was serious has ever told me I mattered or they cared about me, nobody who stayed in my life has said those things, because nobody stays in my life. I push EVERYONE who has said those things away because I don't know how to accept it My parents have ruined my life, my mom especially. She's gotta be at least bipolar but I get so pissed when either of them are around me and speak, their voices make me cringe and quite literally wanna find the closest bridge. The day I leave this house is the day that I will start to feel better. The day i leave is the day i get the help I deserve. You know I'm homeschooled and I've dropped out of that already, hoping to switch schools. Because of this I have NO irl friends, nobody I can text and say let's hang. I have nothing. I rely on the internet and I HATE reddit just as much as I hate whisper, amino, any of those apps. Because people ruin it for me. I rarely feel happy anymore, it's only anger, sadness, and emptiness. I wish I could be happy, I wish I could get help, I wish I could leave, I wish I could have friends, I wish I could be me. I think this is my biggest issue, I think I am Borderline and I just wish I could know what was wrong for sure.",2.8981368179362517,4.244675991896273,4.149219003241491,88.2094146745003,74.3322528363047,6.762412209616422,25.00975823878985,7.251919499444523,1.0167126148028092,2345,75,494,25,48,770,264,617,0.184,0.667,0.149,-0.9825,3,0,0,0,0,0,61.0,0,3,7,4,22,40,8,0,20,0,57,10,4,6,6,114,110,50,2,26,19,3,6,2,8,3,6,9,0,2,30,35,0,1,15,0,2,5,12,17,1,0,12,15,99,23,62,80,8,58,0,3,0,0,50,24,1,11,27,340,129,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05054527161009581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05708004986616098,0.0827292553853873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552473925060013,0.0,0.03956964019140058,0.0,0.05129750431086677,0.0,0.0,0.04256543638221821,0.04604639876571681,0.0,0.0,0.09719506543796172,0.0,0.04318838555118185,0.2837808434501037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04574674035415186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057742435251389675,0.0,0.0,0.0527372937277507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890885705144566,0.0,0.11363541756863126,0.13343391223511208,0.0,0.0,0.052499994194369085,0.0,0.054041830000529034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043209771483570684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046788409180762665,0.0,0.14827694982946385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307690888991983,0.0,0.04966430832569471,0.0,0.09455180044521506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197021201363405,0.0,0.1891699928684858,0.0,0.058793251936189776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05698114477877199,0.0,0.04574042789224661,0.11012488494313226,0.0,0.15320379349086466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401094362706834,0.0,0.0,0.05137479958153872,0.0,0.059683941727346874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196302594241888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528045969149077,0.0,0.0,0.16430857046457026,0.0,0.052892526528188495,0.14614016774525213,0.05054064477307957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358092782564926,0.0,0.05196492068971727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521268406688505,0.0,0.10445542355662683,0.06057993485815572,0.0,0.0,0.07604795440009324,0.03835358404602507,0.0797873335955971,0.04995652523910095,0.0,0.04854060086295097,0.0,0.14889518749318825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867869834868163,0.0,0.0,0.11486943761329757,0.0,0.049377560932201414,0.03585974428602627,0.045164453808503084,0.0,0.0,0.048897037720209334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05501612242168626,0.0,0.0,0.06627298155220887,0.053182125486151685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840502967752918,0.08226791811205864,0.0,0.052348668863493035,0.0,0.0,0.05396066958737373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05176256025186223,0.05272733251489828,0.043826598280408496,0.0,0.051157550283330286,0.0,0.1098340988274898,0.11026437239034473,0.04130781547124632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059212984495094524,0.0,0.0,0.04875039350148184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22605054493650284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309178330694163,0.06628684549057247,0.0,0.0,0.0603227659125708,0.0,0.0,0.09885129988630922,0.0,0.035118018814125754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05696800554569621,0.08535742233369358,0.09152659806020616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0465071711771776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568885976993039,0.0,0.0,0.0376565652314135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05655339162948146,0.0,0.0 bpd,hacarroll84,2020/02/15,"Valentine's Day This is my 3rd Valentine's Day with my boyfriend. I place a lot of emphasis on holidays. I want things to be perfect and extra special. Except this morning I woke up depressed, and every little thing my boyfriend proceeded to do pissed me off. It all culminated in this huge fight tonight that's left me wanting to run away forever. I feel like if we can't love each other extra hard and extra special on the one day a year that's dedicated to love, then we are doomed for the whole rest of the year. I will be sad and upset about this forever, I think. I've been in my bed all day. My boyfriend is hiding out in the basement. I haven't eaten all day. Boyfriend ordered pizza without me. Don't want to be the one to come out first so I might very well die in here.",2.3589107142857166,4.174237212500003,3.4696428571428584,90.54250000000002,76.875,6.321428571428572,25.80357142857143,7.1686216300943375,1.0695446428571431,614,23,131,7,14,198,95,160,0.191,0.67,0.139,-0.9087,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,2,0,0,2,4,13,2,1,7,0,13,5,1,0,4,25,23,7,1,4,3,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,10,11,2,0,2,1,0,2,4,6,1,3,3,2,18,7,24,15,10,29,1,3,0,2,5,15,1,3,12,94,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525472714978689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398630792185811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5235599962053823,0.0,0.13984474508132147,0.0,0.16850924611118648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679952355708494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209662751065397,0.11599359548993128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381075944473371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544715710135678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17641005829240464,0.0,0.0,0.07932334244681792,0.16273239470374345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803692515989616,0.2930815211135542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224361713748054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22004546544860626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963687767861768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21573619588553314,0.10403694231001796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133968137378408,0.2873012686529529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598564312282133,0.0,0.0,0.1812747351259789,0.0,0.15651407550139276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091154860147766 bpd,thewilltobehave,2020/02/15,"DAE go in and out of feeling like a narcissist in an “enjoyable” way? I’m super unstable right now, and I actually can’t tell if I’m a narcissistic or not. For a couple hours, I’ll feel horrible about things I did, feel out of control, feel totally alone and like shit overall. Then, suddenly I’ll switch to feeling like a genius for being so good at manipulating people, like I don’t need anyone and everyone else is stupid, like no one can understand my genius, etc. I suspect that the latter might just be trying to cope with becoming overwhelmed with anxiety and self-hatred. But like, this isn’t a practical way to live. I don’t know what’s true about myself and what’s not true! Argh!",5.0348202614379085,5.847086632352943,6.354803921568627,76.41633986928106,68.70588235294117,10.162091503267973,29.816993464052292,10.25414643259724,3.0262101307189546,546,20,105,14,9,185,90,136,0.159,0.605,0.23600000000000002,0.868,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,5,15,3,1,7,0,10,1,1,2,3,31,21,11,0,2,6,0,5,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,1,8,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,1,5,7,11,16,17,2,13,0,1,0,0,1,6,1,3,10,64,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.1533108457937148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627123684955923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018413337255986,0.0,0.0,0.10985077274401184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735090298526598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620549978728925,0.0,0.1738325927303481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124023655155406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521249350194176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011960877229535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971825254222282,0.2244702643041776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928582617793374,0.1317713851626912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471579816686393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634025220732036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4605184855936366,0.0,0.13872571418606947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16666252175497911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164906286235302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064577392819761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108916135429361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416596137725886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638937397255118,0.0,0.16126500289706153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373158245067524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437291969841356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666330642688528,0.0,0.0,0.16355080917672693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494036922461761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fshelton,2020/02/15,medicine guys i been diagnosed with ptsd and BPD what is some good medicine or good ways yall dealt with it in a positive way i want to know how to deal with it i just found out yesterday so for mre its a struggle so can anyone tell me how to deal with it so please someone tell me how to deal with it asap so pleae tell me the medicine that helps yall with it please,0.6437500000000007,2.5549278750000006,1.5850000000000009,101.51000000000002,82.75,5.5,20.0,6.6274283507984215,-0.16425,290,8,73,3,8,90,48,80,0.027000000000000003,0.7509999999999999,0.223,0.9431,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,2,0,0,8,3,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,3,0,17,6,9,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,8,2,13,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,2,1,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627942808029855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20944650920892846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5143378070152003,0.0,0.16878896925022674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18233717325918627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27896574455188283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16466116513493975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146604385364084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139303162091976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650905308536418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19439346256619205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090375557198306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385077655636194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4360553451151813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808686891384427,0.26399922341084314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pnwstargirl,2020/02/16,"DAE only want their favorite person when they are in crisis mode? I’m feeling really frustrated with myself because I’ve had several crisis moments over the last few weeks and when I’m in crisis I ONLY want my favorite person. I become really stubborn about it and even throw a temper tantrum of the sorts when forced to speak to someone else. I’ll only do it if it’s something I think would make my favorite person happy and would have them be there. I hate that I do this and completely aware this in unhealthy but yet I can’t control it. It’s like something inside me is watching it happen from the outside commenting and feeling repulsed by what me in the body is doing. I wish I had a normal brain and was never forced into a traumatic situation outside of my control when I was so young. My favorite person has been my partner for nearly 10 years and I’m sickened to think this disease will cause us to end and him to really leave. I’ve put everything into him (which I know is really unhealthy) and can’t figure out who I am or how to be when he isn’t here. I’m terrified and fed up and really really wish I didn’t think this way. I don’t know what to do anymore.",4.987114845938379,5.409160848739496,6.166067226890759,79.11520728291319,68.66386554621849,8.699607843137256,29.732212885154066,8.648137234880735,2.282612549019608,934,33,177,14,15,314,128,238,0.16699999999999998,0.7070000000000001,0.126,-0.9124,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,3,2,12,8,5,1,7,0,26,3,2,5,1,41,45,21,0,8,3,0,2,1,1,3,0,1,0,5,15,15,1,3,8,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,7,4,27,2,24,33,1,26,0,0,1,0,15,10,0,3,14,126,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196135022801687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881964949876923,0.12468348631300827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540072218033718,0.0,0.12602798329177026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597410385970502,0.0,0.0,0.11836809679099199,0.0,0.2532423360289854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943091564265398,0.0,0.09999132347054884,0.0,0.0,0.07456598021123807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014626069467638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416605121774145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983253835875827,0.12017866149217506,0.0,0.1114602864845274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408810842288374,0.09202436633373663,0.0,0.11953933984628255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055154718598949916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535818550386253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707146400652375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061297799575487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25758484997393416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943016954639417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349050072464513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4339399702521154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753904031128174,0.0,0.0,0.12689853559140798,0.0,0.0,0.09565543558687227,0.17382393404112872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170153740376485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579859784134848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317660885927188,0.08961067292865488,0.09055743473485543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25964699983096456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039451717769831,0.0,0.0,0.07270057860686079 bpd,shimmy338,2020/02/16,"I will never find love DAE feel always alone? I have a few friends from childhood with whom sometime I feel ok, maybe if I drink, but usually I feel alone, even when I am out. I used to have a best friend growing up, and I was his best friend, and then I had a girlfriend, and we were best friends. We broke up mainly because of myself, we would have sex maube one a month, and after she would start a fight because our lack of sex, then the next day we would have sex, and it would always become such a burden for me... I don't know exactly why, I used to like her alot when we first met, then I started to loose interest, maybe because she got a little fat and I am just superficial. Anyway I became cold over the years and she had enough and called it off. It seemed like a good thing to do for her. Then over the years I became more and more lonley, i have some friends, but we don't see each other that often, maybe once a week. My ""best friend"" is a guy that is kind of selfish, but he is the best I have, he is kind of a fuckboy, and I am not that good at talking to girls, evwn thow I am decent looking. I had another relationship with I girl that I liked withc lasted about a year but it was verry rocky. I suspect she also had bpd. I could not get her to open up, she would get mad at something (sometimes my fault) and would completly close up i could not talk to her, she would never change her mind and also she would not imwant to have sex as much as me, sometimes refuse me very abruptly (stop it, i'm not in the mood!). How the tables have turned. Anyway I broke up with her, then she became the best peron ever. So we got back together and after awile things would bevome tbe same, so I broke up with her again, then shou would become lovong again, so we got together again, an so on about 4 times after we broke up for good. The thing is when we were apart we were great, she was my favorite person, she would laugh att all my jokes, I could talk anything with her, she would come to me at my job to help me (i am a doctor and she is a rezident so she would lewrn from ne also). I could have aproched some things diffrenet like when she would become angry, sometimes from no aparent reason, I would get angry also instead of beeing more loving to her but I feel like whenever I do show affection she would push me away. Maybe I was to klingy... We were best when we would not show affection and I would do that even if i really wanted to... About 50% of the relationship I was trying the find someone else because this was going nowhere in my opinion (in the later stages and sometine before our breakups) witch was probably not a good sign. Now after about a year of not being together and 2 months of not talking I miss her alot. She is now seeing someone else. A colege/ acuantance of mine. I still don't kow if that relationship could have worked if I tried harder, or if I was more forgiving... Now I feel like I will die alone, whenever I meet someone I like I become way to awkward and mess that up, I am only ok when I am drunk, but that is not sustainable. I am 31 years old, and feel like I want to die, but it seems like to much of a hassle to kill myself. I feel like my friends don't really care that much about me, but they have their own life and problems. I feel alone at my job. I just did molly this weekend (2nd and last time) and stil feel like shit 2 days later. I don't know if there is any hope, it's hard for me to make friends, form a connection, or atract a nice girl. Is there any hope? Should I just settle for the first girl that shows me some interest? Or will I die alone?",3.3751459778444968,4.175947448183045,3.990037012113056,91.90529363805777,72.4993270524899,6.953608033957968,23.0367791696863,6.928431444225013,0.47059873692928905,2786,65,631,23,52,882,283,743,0.131,0.654,0.215,0.9978,3,5,2,0,1,2,101.0,15,0,2,10,43,63,4,1,35,2,82,12,2,7,5,146,122,63,4,36,30,0,10,11,9,22,3,0,0,6,25,45,3,2,18,7,0,4,18,16,0,3,21,14,120,46,73,73,28,85,0,5,3,6,78,25,1,20,65,459,145,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21045860646310124,0.0,0.13000206931881678,0.06763297786178492,0.0,0.0,0.0552744185556464,0.04261553281114372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033444002278087914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03818346839836506,0.031250347605067334,0.0,0.09909727475806858,0.17953874788587865,0.03458241711348131,0.0,0.29855085978253965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511857975930181,0.0,0.04149890829367115,0.0,0.0414361115843721,0.0,0.04299268907446358,0.03500854137214331,0.04261121603974592,0.0,0.0,0.1622422797293279,0.0,0.0,0.05242004363227337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653653016288852,0.0,0.0,0.04159768873404995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039812615094209136,0.0,0.0,0.06790052299503227,0.0,0.0,0.04199291923110888,0.0,0.05368586938770963,0.036762025629865976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18494336583321166,0.145169354532323,0.0,0.0,0.07429010244584493,0.06913826666808373,0.0,0.0,0.2511925013087839,0.0,0.06369958697034486,0.0,0.023097163083608662,0.1363506528702706,0.09751273389065457,0.04480674162952873,0.0,0.040240885856064036,0.0,0.0,0.03640626851126132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027240742186328697,0.0,0.0,0.08073117817060901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065965514168813,0.0,0.04496314032487257,0.08464249787365187,0.04467035746386442,0.0662555242683599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028705873347008182,0.21840602855845795,0.040732863915218985,0.0,0.0,0.03412812482512245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336000762059187,0.0,0.027128119906652967,0.0,0.1633170077545432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041035728989329036,0.0,0.06487836583594338,0.0,0.08962722491656863,0.0,0.06268954328513454,0.0,0.043222063906680264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04264579363454913,0.043281237828030686,0.02753932926383992,0.030909239872253993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035486070963698116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04381776974749877,0.03888785775113498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05207120928128605,0.04178561943876692,0.0,0.13089936875295224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477107954528909,0.07399590774012862,0.0,0.0,0.04171730532200193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330472166918553,0.03128735447771749,0.16077957832771864,0.0,0.05753168397654559,0.0,0.03245587951496535,0.033977616656545036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066248109873185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080000466359548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04739607747668642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055185013994697336,0.04420563469711815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020138706127414,0.04476021554531285,0.033533003178281916,0.04794211789654319,0.032258858992827134,0.032599682854626874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03667209579495813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029587063129710326,0.0,0.0,0.5196623961611917,0.0,0.0,0.1308570529228627 bpd,throwawaybreaks,2020/02/16,"Feel like acting out but not sure how. I go home to see my wife and cats in town or at least to the cabin usually every other night instead of staying at school because i dont handle being around people for more than 24 hours very well. so this has been a shitty month, waiting on my paperwork to get renewed (foreign) and not sure why its taking longer than usual. school is really interesting but people try to socialize and i am sooooo not ready for that, especially when people flirt and i dont have my wife with me at school to hide behind. i just got done with exams and had a field trip wirh 60sth people on a bus and my car is breaking so im trying not to drive and my schedule hasnt been compatible with my therapist and UGH. so like i've been trying to handle shit by mediation and staying busy doing things instead of pointless rumination. but idiot me is like ""do a self destructive addict bpd thing."" but like... i conditioned myself to hate booze (which id realized that was an option 18 or so years ago), zero interest in drugs anymore, dont feel like screaming at anyone or anything... so im just like emotionally constipated and kinda wondering how to get that ""DO A THING"" feeling to go away when it usually only responds to histrionic or self destructive behaviours that genuinely have lost their appeal, and doing positive productive stuff doesnt seem to do it. bleh. <3",6.4417275280898885,6.8044341161048685,7.137600655430712,73.61179424157305,65.51685393258428,10.270505617977527,31.29424157303371,10.125756701596842,3.1240264044943817,1107,39,198,24,16,367,157,267,0.155,0.73,0.115,-0.9468,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,1,1,15,20,5,0,7,0,24,4,1,2,2,43,39,28,0,0,14,2,3,6,0,0,2,1,1,2,14,16,1,1,6,0,0,6,9,8,1,1,8,5,16,12,34,30,2,32,0,1,1,0,7,12,1,8,17,135,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355054971290716,0.0,0.0,0.08420081278080828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420221622303132,0.0664175673654293,0.0,0.07816673531339778,0.08455913930107302,0.0,0.0,0.0892440157976551,0.0,0.0,0.057903584489409014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196336090097692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720533604841272,0.3339744244965779,0.0,0.11015550732080802,0.0,0.0,0.10684831146875604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003118457356831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440858164925755,0.13571837983971885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925424421159487,0.0,0.10796733107686196,0.0,0.07597029402897942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378063042570403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952803490367534,0.0,0.09354369287132758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052059051171992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278436981150942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369023121985108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581822904590949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913946671512653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224238151113213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26340988165533463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06085151531049854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28839769241300034,0.07569285201993935,0.0864731811477428,0.1981856518088936,0.0,0.09750344877920396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682793822349582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20248837422314336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087381236875546,0.0,0.0,0.1790494555740642,0.0,0.07141888489526957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028797271414334,0.18931670443548548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19347111985827864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138464013973692,0.07837475197809814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540529708042609,0.0,0.08571157188534759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301004508184183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06116892670118247 bpd,amr24680,2020/02/16,"Avoidant personality? So, a lot of the time you hear about people with bpd having abandonment issues. So I was wondering if it could manifest into having an avoidance type attachment style.",6.5702083333333325,9.722171437500002,7.0075,63.82083333333336,69.0,10.516666666666666,32.541666666666664,10.504223727775694,4.623154166666667,154,7,21,5,3,50,30,32,0.17300000000000001,0.765,0.062,-0.5994,0,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,2,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,6,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,4,4,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,3,1,18,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4434820409757112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281138678033334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3968641400241711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675211561850987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29935931063053184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441152467450412,0.3074570665542662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053236460309737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818584544261704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PracticalMeat,2020/02/16,"I want to get this off my chest and let myself heal. I am 25 now and have very clear memories of my childhood. I remember being sad all the time, wanting to die, and being alone as a 5 year old. I also remember my dad getting drunk everyday, saying something to my mum, and her retaliating/crying in frustration. I also have vivid memories of times when she would yell at me to get rid of her frustration and me not being given time because my sibling was just a year younger. I grew up consciously lost in my own world to get rid of my pain. I was diagnosed with BPD last August after a string of bad decisions, sleeping around, and staying away from my shared home with my younger brother. I went away because my brother used to yell at me everyday and I couldn't take it anymore. I now realise that I am a difficult person to live with because I can't to one chore right. I ran away to a guy's place who was cheating on his girlfriend. After my diagnosis, my family left me alone because my sleeping around hurt their Catholic sentiments. I live with this guy now (his ex found out and left him). He is the only one who got me stable - made sure I ate, didn't keep spiralling or hurt myself. To make ends meet, I sometimes sleep with other men and consider it to be like any other job. This guy now has issues that are surfacing up in horrendous ways. He gets into manic fits of rage and blames it on me not getting better. Yesterday he tried to drink bathroom cleaning fluid and smashed a framed art piece on his forehead. It's easy to judge and ask me to leave him. At my worst he took me in eventhough his life was in jeopardy. I can't leave him alone now. I will be taking him to see a therapist today (it's early morning here in India) after months of convincing. I also work as a content writer and am pretty good at it. I hope that I am growing and healing. I also hope that none of this is my fault.",3.570732871162328,4.925634579634469,4.718914198253356,84.75323759791124,72.65535248041775,7.580408751237957,27.567209867651034,8.104835398774808,1.7543941478346996,1496,55,299,22,29,492,202,383,0.168,0.752,0.08,-0.9878,2,3,2,0,0,3,39.0,0,0,1,3,14,21,4,0,10,0,26,13,5,3,3,45,52,22,1,6,4,5,0,1,1,2,5,3,3,5,18,23,3,1,5,3,0,5,7,13,0,2,14,5,59,8,57,29,5,62,0,4,2,0,33,30,0,3,26,206,77,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595041675299176,0.0,0.2671632151543061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056796370451981264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282926104701628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487007695550841,0.07807979699388581,0.0,0.2354089800993693,0.0,0.06973559647930529,0.2036517316694989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386653112559764,0.0,0.0,0.10519034294486354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174264705880598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477090225948967,0.08668043108832267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181766881098583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397380808030145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873509319590198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157521822241564,0.0,0.0,0.2618140857014102,0.0,0.0,0.0700524980103866,0.06679846364810324,0.0,0.0,0.2480933842583244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377723178328551,0.16590813697250262,0.0,0.0,0.17881948020202992,0.0,0.0,0.08717303720698044,0.08288057610853689,0.07423629120942901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807983510577513,0.0,0.1768709499367586,0.18148914975279395,0.08540471795060575,0.058992548790828825,0.04080358601877559,0.0,0.14749913731286474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117179588854213,0.0,0.0,0.07902851323126286,0.055750156696189636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666475734390134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764004603859091,0.0,0.11319044055025057,0.06352061890642381,0.0888710221846521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292632233880311,0.08726047991430368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496972599611971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892234457563296,0.0713255061471654,0.0,0.06641834682447463,0.0,0.0,0.06655451698194646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25074053834555604,0.0,0.0,0.06429767048892356,0.08260327951366235,0.0,0.0,0.08902106065002599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871648189761178,0.0,0.12559308470347444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697299754241423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610331024793938,0.0,0.07916706383661627,0.0,0.09279364022372216,0.05670450418370659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213434514487085,0.0,0.06891263338984903,0.09852435754031008,0.06629417924569647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742374919703608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06080345454595555,0.0,0.0,0.05933011394898854,0.0,0.0,0.10756810616222702 bpd,CraqueFox,2020/02/16,"Not over her six months on. Still want to die After a turbulent, sometimes violent relationship my ex girlfriend of 2 years finally got the courage to leave me. Good for her. We lived together and I was undiagnosed. Now I'm in my mid 20s and I know I'm going to die alone. It's just a matter of when Why can't I get over her? I treated her like an emotional punching bag, we had fights where I became EXTREMELY violent to her or broke her/our stuff How could I even care anymore? I keep trying to remind myself of things she did that sucked, like leaving me on my own to deal with my friends suicide because her asshole sister demanded some ""family time"". But I know I'll never do any better than our time together. I'm too old too crazy",1.9025055928411592,4.148083456375844,3.647758389261746,86.6023310961969,80.20805369127517,7.1948098434004475,24.69843400447427,8.238735603445708,1.6696117225950782,581,22,118,12,15,194,106,149,0.23,0.644,0.126,-0.961,0,1,0,0,1,2,15.0,3,0,0,1,9,13,4,0,4,0,6,0,0,1,1,18,18,6,3,2,4,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,4,0,25,8,18,13,2,19,0,1,0,0,17,7,1,2,13,75,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709338217908726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223427458930604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636773961857249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006081206901527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596630860978987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16827140102040855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177267205302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015113849993824,0.0,0.0,0.3425752465119665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856501270271766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900873792747147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558698556335665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18079553250235708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751110234783627,0.0,0.08622767544275692,0.0,0.09379721800781964,0.1384294671437104,0.13199922902755615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466969847859371,0.0,0.0,0.1814056229485085,0.0,0.0,0.3495114670902548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612624483225187,0.0,0.1457351812018856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173501443178715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729062736062458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17318390090491273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17719342968025864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323083818800915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180281905101826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889336967313179,0.18052924916040405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964662502595783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924747292861773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205273932751056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734609544515699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892480741604192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628168902333324 bpd,asinineoracle,2020/02/16,Exhausted I pretend I'm ok and that I'm normal and everyone believes me but all I really want to do is hide in a corner in a windowless room the rest of my life. At the same time I need connection but the pain of perceived or real judgement never lessens even with repeated exposure. I was a person with very high ambition but now I hate myself too much to want myself to succeed at anything. I mourn the loss of myself everyday and I don't see it improving. Then I get mad at myself for being weak and I dislike myself for even talking about this. I can't figure out which way is up or how to get out of anything.,2.944094488188973,4.370336047244095,4.97244881889764,82.03268897637797,74.35433070866142,8.229606299212598,27.660629921259844,8.841846274778883,2.2406447244094485,486,19,96,10,10,168,81,127,0.254,0.677,0.069,-0.9799,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,6,9,2,0,7,1,7,4,0,1,2,24,16,11,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,4,8,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,1,17,2,21,14,4,18,0,2,1,0,2,11,0,2,6,76,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36011902616271724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24652055454555846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28903991277485,0.0,0.0,0.2090794602122746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228635247619646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160266075231728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23118160324775816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454985125461354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608483173666521,0.1622426140834116,0.16875744334298376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21438439769105894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23282606941062925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19105382800073573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24905026292634325,0.1401733636839403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436084574602365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17586877408549936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758811821409827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805386859572448,0.25811606914632096,0.17367880777278635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,haunting2001,2020/02/16,"is it possible to fit most criteria and like..not have bpd? i relate to almost every symptom but still i feel like this cant be true. i mean maybe im just a shitty teenager. ive been seeing a therapist and idk if i should mention this to her? im scared about what it would mean for me to have a personality disorder im scared of the idea of being aware that i do these things because theres something wrong with me. i struggle with depression, anxiety, anorexia, self harm but have never been diagnosed. im 18 btw",2.6153333333333317,4.398567295238101,4.3561904761904815,84.6104761904762,76.04761904761905,7.7142857142857135,25.952380952380953,8.515128840125781,1.8179523809523803,406,15,83,8,9,137,74,105,0.33399999999999996,0.625,0.042,-0.9891,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,3,4,0,13,2,0,0,2,18,17,5,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,2,10,2,10,11,1,3,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,3,3,54,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159296156718895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817159600258616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619691090462991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808996848719366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178871958433947,0.14351932781449944,0.0,0.0,0.16205812305768952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913668121084345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149673833579365,0.10101710626657932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15962483935607813,0.6109506095853683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816305080509433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205659642000312,0.3080549051725516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905738811471632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346614797150968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940870291864484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831347079031971,0.0,0.11267851686925227,0.0,0.1475123787429068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885761744473428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292324886684488,0.0,0.0,0.14782332460605566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697007671352605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641777904031498,0.09394073066391063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004474158721518,0.1546001076160854,0.0,0.0 bpd,DearMePleaseStudy,2020/02/16,"I’m interested in how many people with BPD have a degree. Please comment if you do, and share your experience. I’m a young person that’s suspected to have BPD and I should begin college soon. Because of the nature of BPD symptoms, I’m not quite sure if my choice of studying course is going to be right, and because of my impulsivity issues and rooted habit of making bad decisions, I’m afraid if I’ll even make it. I don’t have a problem with studying for short-term, so my entrance exam is probably going to go well (I’m generally fast and good at studying), but I’m sure college is going to be very challenging. I regress under stress so my behavior is extremely childish and in that state I make very bad decisions and that often costs me wasting many good opportunities, losing friends and making mistakes that can’t be fixed. And just for the record, I’m not planning to end up without a degree. I have nothing against people who don’t have it, but having a degree is a personal goal that’s really important for me to achieve. I feel like there is a decent amount of people who do have a degree and managed to get through college with BPD and I’m making this post because I need encouragement. Do you have a degree? Is it a bachelor, master, or PhD? How did you choose the course? Are you satisfied with that choice? How academically successful are you? Thank you!",4.221416040100248,5.979589086466169,5.4086466165413585,78.84600250626569,71.66917293233081,8.074185463659147,29.208020050125324,8.704169506293173,2.3845208020050133,1091,44,200,20,21,362,132,266,0.11199999999999999,0.7290000000000001,0.159,0.9265,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,7,0,9,11,21,0,2,13,0,28,1,0,9,2,47,50,22,0,7,10,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,12,15,0,0,5,0,1,4,6,7,1,0,1,1,20,14,28,45,1,17,0,1,0,0,15,6,0,5,6,131,32,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830788635579306,0.19526994637592449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5379252107237866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457231335507348,0.0,0.0,0.07052489157464202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444793595403133,0.0,0.0,0.05398942225950091,0.07628117495436633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249528284262403,0.0,0.05578633031583171,0.0,0.24273425252958455,0.17911817615100245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144695676478736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052165619468844494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194556256112666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563708172859693,0.2165092860290872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917344464417994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245496110289844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22207620615928286,0.1864662963023784,0.0,0.11720856645240073,0.0,0.0,0.10226240076841324,0.0,0.11512315980832127,0.10217071951140852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356998391242233,0.0,0.0,0.06840377981405847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118657390513857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231215529663356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20127123330324492,0.11098169952775816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830548370177153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762036409425725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600492455503083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292876538324916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fortunatevoice,2020/02/16,"I need advice about the anxiety I’m feeling in my current relationship Hi there bpd friends. I need some opinions or perspective. I (27F) am dating a new guy (33M) for about four months and I don’t know if I’m having normal and healthy expectations for how things are or where they are going, or if I’m having a borderline moment (tm) and creating problems. Okay that was convoluted but stay with me. I’ve never had a healthy relationship before. I am always in codependent relationships and my last boyfriend was also abusive. During the time I was single I grew a lot and felt really comfortable going into a new relationship, especially because this person is a friend of the family and so I feel that he’s someone I could trust. For the most part, things are wonderful. He’s funny, smart, a good listener, extremely patient and understanding. The biggest thing: he makes me feel *so safe*. I think he’s an incredible person. The first couple of weeks that we started dating, he and I texted constantly and every time I’d see him we would talk for a long time and just get to know each other better. I was genuinely feeling like, omg I found my person. I could see a future! However I feel that for the past month or so, all we do is just eat dinner, watch movies, have sex. We don’t have “get to know you” talks like we were. We will still talk about how our days are and stuff while we make dinner, and we still joke around and stuff; it’s not like we are just silent haha. But I’m getting extremely anxious that we haven’t been having deep conversation as much as before. I know I get very attached to people and can put them on a pedestal and I’m sure some of my anxiety is just from that. But I care about this person a lot and I want to be able to create a future and I’m just scared that maybe he’s just not into me anymore? I am trying to be rational but... you know 😂 My roommate said that I’m just expecting to be in the honeymoon phase still and that constant talking phase slows down as you get more comfortable. Should I just be patient and not panic? I just want to know him and I want him to know me. There’s so much he hasn’t learned about me yet. But I am very passionate and intense so I think maybe I need to just calm down a little. Idk this is legit one of the stupidest things I’ve posted hahah but if anyone had any perspective or anything I’d love to hear. Tl;dr: one borderline bitch not knowing how to be in a healthy relationship without fixating on anxieties",2.5923930575035072,4.71381854435484,4.007556100981766,85.53541023842921,77.26612903225806,7.296914446002805,23.8874474053296,8.252601668568683,1.4800497545582054,1962,65,393,37,46,647,226,496,0.055,0.74,0.205,0.9975,2,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,11,3,2,2,32,24,1,2,24,2,42,6,0,5,3,114,91,48,0,17,29,0,6,3,2,3,0,3,0,5,20,36,3,1,20,1,0,4,10,4,0,4,11,12,55,20,43,70,12,50,0,0,3,3,48,15,1,15,32,267,75,1,0.06969010898572478,0.08257138333713039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810036793783904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055731154977541206,0.05798775343435517,0.0,0.0,0.047391663885958314,0.0,0.15993822787158876,0.07872998665300103,0.0691138618229356,0.048728944578561896,0.0,0.057349021713136,0.06203897215840539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04248244359749218,0.0,0.11860229965557548,0.0,0.0,0.061635238091237665,0.0,0.0,0.08777225264960146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710537107132365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062049989755533,0.0,0.111283762578644,0.07711078006564688,0.0,0.04494435497692259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131037964717779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05871692253022734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656976324908738,0.0,0.17618706528332587,0.04978662778414397,0.06691343349478703,0.0,0.0,0.0592783711020488,0.0,0.07641160742743579,0.1076848106571622,0.0,0.1820510279593328,0.0,0.07921298989155838,0.058452756992400275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900416455919417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854581774975675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30639889075802,0.05680674023830709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021412012011488,0.06984779745223911,0.0,0.061673553432529366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849607703556425,0.06289804424313176,0.0,0.09303737780107256,0.0,0.1400261629269208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125196021996626,0.0,0.10246049750243964,0.15502299831825098,0.053749308308731925,0.13461428304993805,0.0,0.0,0.0682815101948367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944476428858474,0.0,0.0,0.08176632732194276,0.0,0.07546759677999616,0.06652709462707362,0.04831434676764973,0.24340286037408565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674386028290355,0.0,0.0,0.0666840224445377,0.0,0.0700578080679139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044645268333483284,0.0,0.0,0.374105481277247,0.0,0.0,0.06629125251980228,0.0,0.06977195663251964,0.0,0.11106798810559147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059048203190653015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049327017833118415,0.07428038361473101,0.16696383317515046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955700315232127,0.0,0.0,0.06568210297048313,0.0,0.0,0.22405707915326128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851960470533488,0.0893092157495702,0.0,0.0,0.12191058894776073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04731500942240925,0.0,0.0,0.07254986120783677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500327690372925,0.12331509566473038,0.0,0.055901201785775984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717877816490007,0.07557595041400066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04950585391655053,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nob0d7,2020/02/16,"i’ve been struggling with this relationship and i don’t know what to do. i’m so in love with him, he’s my fp, and i have this fantasy that i’m going to be with him once i turn 18. (17f)me and this guy(19m) have been having sex for over a year, we started talking when i was 14 and he was 16. we never actually dated but we’ve gone on and off for almost 4 years. i have feeling for him and he knows but he says he doesn’t have feelings for me or will say he doesn’t like relationships. there have been times where he’ll do or a say something thing that makes me feel like he does. theres been times where when he’s with me sexually and i get weird and uncomfortable with the sex due to sexual abuse in the past he always comforts me or gives me space. he’s whispered that he loved me during sex, he’s told me that he was on the verge of being in love with me but the next day tell me he only likes me as a friend. i could be totally looking way too into it and wanting it to be the way i want it with all the small signs. at the same time our relationship in the past was very toxic. we always would be arguing, he would make my feelings feel invalid, he’s lied about sleeping with other girls and not tell me because i would get mad and act as if i was his girlfriend. which is the main reason i feel so crazy about him and the relationship i have with him is because of the toxicity. i’m just not sure what to do about it.",2.6075984601717472,3.3766362345276915,4.0737710986082325,90.71022431151913,74.27687296416939,7.145336097127628,22.74933372816109,7.348242739294969,0.5325973941368076,1112,27,265,12,22,370,145,307,0.09699999999999999,0.792,0.111,0.6478,0,0,1,0,1,0,23.0,4,0,0,0,13,13,2,1,14,0,34,7,1,3,4,59,62,25,0,7,10,0,6,3,2,5,0,4,0,1,16,25,0,0,9,1,0,3,6,4,0,0,11,11,35,9,35,40,4,35,0,0,1,6,46,15,0,5,18,170,51,0,0.0,0.123074193781768,0.10136644306206584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401522003091207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286366570874598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664175612253922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293526647390838,0.0,0.0,0.0669904030945181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090119884794644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151321458571749,0.07420790143031455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025311384248614,0.0,0.1085401871094081,0.09964580212630267,0.0590342227169819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285200002079098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417332171154905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224337393509413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722834551352443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812521398872732,0.0,0.13867395460344364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011435099029265,0.0,0.11047161669674334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062285979267653,0.0,0.07900117187665329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983197617615456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680019686338936,0.0,0.446088982761011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478153073873553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039494298980484,0.0,0.0,0.07996759800226334,0.0,0.0,0.07352284418783632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085920900616492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790040498629024,0.0,0.0,0.08349031850809897,0.18158163089274376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900954441322732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18171001673722964,0.0,0.0,0.09925645309916044,0.0,0.0,0.11298553309809717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570726936594272,0.12253564020755678,0.1649013482291899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213682081616868,0.0,0.0,0.13378343268171125 bpd,acidhuues,2020/02/16,Being single with bpd This shit is tough. I finally got out of a relationship that was extremely toxic. It was so bad that even with bpd i’ve been moving on extremely well. But I want to be single like i want to not be tied anymore but at the same time i can’t handle it. It’s like the real me wants to be single but my mental illness NEEDS someone. Even the people i’ve only talked to for comfort have ghosted me . I’m feeling like i’m completely taken over by my mental illness. i just want to be happy that i’m free but my mind tells me i need someone who loves me. And not platonically. The platonic love i receive isn’t enough for my brain and it makes me mad because i have amazing friends,0.9342844827586204,3.1967250965517238,3.1623060344827567,88.53173491379309,84.24137931034483,5.556034482758621,22.165948275862064,6.9077264865688965,0.7255603448275858,549,19,113,7,16,187,85,145,0.102,0.616,0.282,0.9853,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,15,2,0,5,0,13,6,2,1,0,23,28,7,1,6,7,0,1,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,1,0,1,2,4,4,1,0,5,1,17,12,15,18,5,8,0,0,0,2,8,4,1,0,5,77,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435765043861272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087990460396415,0.08825263975460003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646745496528964,0.16161521149052438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517923598945366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958982402673282,0.0,0.19124318817254995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320187957731998,0.10342628517465488,0.0,0.15859239681368292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185172034842478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157886692181704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15411418390104742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121871971187465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613276436003169,0.0,0.09663749882875587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917954652363364,0.0,0.14618006060828775,0.0,0.0,0.1538714199626659,0.0,0.21469557250337007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110106842723743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036778205752553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478404605092314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554326609937811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486080147856147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453323944222808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636353171165008,0.12653850315944876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441864746619683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415648690743997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016884848902668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,broccoliboi989,2020/02/16,"I’m worried about my boyfriend on holiday My boyfriend has gone on holiday with his (male) friends for a few days and I can’t stop worrying. I’m not worried about him cheating at all, I know he never ever would. I’m worried about his safety. I can’t stop imagining every little thing that could go wrong or every way he could get lost or hurt or even die. He’s 23 and he’s smart and responsible and he’s with people so I know it’s unrealistic but I’m SO anxious. I can’t stop messaging him and even calling him when I get particularly worried. I know I’m annoying him, even though he says it’s fine. I wish I could just relax.",-0.2581339712918691,2.0344064242424267,2.3164433811802247,90.82887559808614,94.6060606060606,5.5062200956937835,21.341307814992028,7.0608816371341465,0.7973575757575762,496,19,108,9,19,170,70,132,0.24100000000000002,0.61,0.149,-0.8686,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,12,9,2,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,3,28,22,13,1,5,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,4,7,0,3,4,3,0,2,5,5,0,0,2,1,17,4,9,16,2,14,0,2,0,0,17,4,0,3,7,61,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116303660718388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759253196452167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992980410357179,0.0,0.0,0.08058532582834818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968306021639167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24759383876150545,0.11302851383622013,0.21055913856882927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653954938308897,0.0,0.13056715498995533,0.0,0.07101453123007935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376639414307073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20601520305935211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523725213035786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640261530544232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637262622484036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662772840891805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936884672314343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134027123303612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830142283807345,0.0,0.12276717790314813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991830789391876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436915271301509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6344868840429971,0.0,0.08876410330784093,0.1366181479601617,0.0,0.0 bpd,DutchMess,2020/02/16,"A bad day Yesterday evening, my boyfriend and I got in a small fight (not mental illness related). He raised his voice at me and I ended up crying - the entire evening. This morning I woke up and he told me he had to go. I immedately thought he wanted to leave asap because of my reaction yesteray evening, and so I started crying again. He told me he had to leave for another reason (not important for the story) and then left after making me breakfast. He left while I was crying. I ended up spending the entire day in bed, crying, with the curtains closed. I can’t seem to stop, I just feel so sad and angry at myself for numerous reasons. I asked him to come over tonight, but he can’t. Then I asked him if we could briefly call instead, but he hasn’t replied yet. I wouldn’t even know what to say on the phone, but I feel like I have to make up/apologize for reacting the way that I did. I just feel so so so sad and overwhelmed, but mostly angry at myself for being the way I am. I haven’t spoken to anyone all day and I feel like I could use some support :(",3.666605222734255,4.454072373271892,4.78840552995392,86.49879877112139,71.81105990783409,7.445652841781875,27.83072196620584,7.554174236665415,1.4727206758832567,823,29,173,9,15,271,115,217,0.168,0.773,0.06,-0.9624,0,0,0,0,1,0,29.0,1,0,0,0,14,8,1,1,9,0,14,2,0,6,1,42,35,21,0,5,9,0,4,2,0,1,1,2,2,0,3,12,1,1,9,0,1,2,7,5,0,0,9,6,32,3,26,22,3,33,0,3,0,0,21,14,0,4,17,119,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717392431128384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781344011864098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089321761524897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330204796033273,0.0681184523927861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410369925333876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962580520855367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17843789201784432,0.0,0.4909846499085322,0.21619800879349899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979450420665705,0.0,0.0,0.2952249370715838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260056475552721,0.15966068555961185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350701400256663,0.0,0.08937234029139489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06141189302530708,0.0,0.0,0.2366427289208935,0.24282160344810866,0.0,0.0,0.10918550444483953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918073570669396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261224345471328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22978405695952545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888637667665488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172805924204376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909338143961521,0.0,0.0,0.09342346369422233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680641323774078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871270619500186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355344973485046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651142988776486,0.0,0.0,0.06590984229420731,0.17739527597812801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sydneyalexandriaaa,2020/02/16,"Sibling with Autism First time poster here! I was diagnosed in August 2019. I was just wondering if anybody here is diagnosed and also has a sibling with Autism? I don't really have any direct trauma in my life. I feel my trauma comes from having a sibling with Autism and always feeling like I am second most important because I did not have a learning disability, so my needs could wait. If anyone else has this experience I'd love to know. Thanks in advance.",3.984396551724138,6.417204954022992,4.927112068965517,79.1072198275862,74.17241379310343,7.5683908045976995,26.96695402298851,8.472884824447931,2.2193919540229885,369,14,63,7,8,120,61,87,0.064,0.7829999999999999,0.153,0.7836,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,3,0,12,4,0,0,0,19,21,6,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,5,0,0,2,2,2,0,2,3,2,9,3,8,17,1,8,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,4,4,46,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18696908224698025,0.194539607972501,0.0,0.0,0.15899142780166206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634777899433305,0.2395548409337605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425217814745286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139725114999107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866695833479914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4746023972664348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19530917523069946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287004146789898,0.0,0.0,0.2364317331165102,0.16702614738066365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988694231532138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848988915985493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513924194932253,0.114222446767754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110128457234988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335909471353353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497777114137571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21525082982691607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363301546560872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535451866113901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,burkinbae,2020/02/16,"Was this my fault? When I was 16, this senior 18, John took me out with his friends. We went to a party that was wasted. He and two of his friends had sex with me. They called me a gross and ugly after. They ignored me for a while. John kept hooking up with me. Before all that happened, he was helpful to me and would hang out with me after he would only have sex with me if he was drunk and ignore me the rest of the time. He would never want to talk to me only about sex. He left for the military over the years he kept in contact with me and saw me when he came home sometimes. He would only want to talk to me about sex or photos. He cheated on his girlfriend with me (I didn't know they were dating). He would have sex with me and ignore me. I went on vacation once, and my phone broke. He sent me at least 30 messages and was mad I didn't respond. He always implied that I was attractive enough to fuck but not date. He would also imply that I'm weird or annoying. When I was 17, I tried talking to him about the trouble I was having at school. At first, he was sympathetic but then told me to speak to someone else. Because of what happened I was bullied in school, I tried to talk to him because I was lonely. After three years knowing him, he told me he wanted me for sex and nothing more. That he felt no connection to me. It's been four years since all that, and I feel broken. He still tries to contact me trying to cheat on his girlfriend with me or see me again. I try to ignore him then he'll bombard me with texts it works to face time me. I moved away and didn't talk to anyone he knows. He still keeps photos of me and sends them to me, asking if I miss this. I feel so used and dirty. Something must be so wrong with me. I blew up at him and blocked him finally. He was messaging me begging for pics, and he now lives with his girlfriend. I feel sick. He recently emailed me saying hey I called him a rapist, a waste of space, ugly, a coward, an awful person. I want this person to stop contacting me. I feel terrible. I haven't seen him for five years, but he still keeps original photos he took of me as a teenager he's says he took them because he thought I wouldn't mind.I thought he would have stopped when I blew up at him last time. He acts like I'm a rude cause he says he's just like that and he's never done anything wrong to me. He even said,”I was drunk too. I didn’t take advantage of you. You just made the mistake of fucking me apparently. Yeah sorry I didn’t hit you up after but what did you expect? You think I haven’t been dealing with shit too? You think you’re the only one who’s got problems? Grow up. Stop taking out all your anger on me. I’m sorry I just use you for sex but I thought that was a part of our relationship that was mutually understood. Apparently not, once again.” One time when I blew up at him, and he left me alone for a couple of months coming back trying to apologize to me then to come on to me sexually then I went off hard on him calling him scum and saying I wish he were dead also, he lives with his girlfriend Am I a mean person for sending these messages? Does that make me a bad person?",1.205433510765836,3.08209230362538,2.6609653287296813,94.70056226921787,80.64652567975831,5.4116338176761145,20.32666762576128,6.347867880209237,-0.0063962787128946106,2443,65,556,20,63,794,259,662,0.221,0.732,0.047,-0.9990000000000001,2,3,1,0,0,0,72.0,2,8,5,3,25,33,10,0,20,2,45,15,2,6,6,109,102,43,1,19,15,0,6,2,6,10,1,5,1,4,20,39,2,12,15,2,0,16,13,27,0,7,49,14,108,6,91,41,8,88,0,3,3,10,116,29,3,5,45,359,128,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386808906007399,0.0,0.0986296531273458,0.051311622818236056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04311878071593895,0.0,0.05074642828628469,0.0,0.05765002707661428,0.0,0.057937881497777274,0.047417875123786916,0.051489107041999736,0.1127743183604719,0.0,0.052473807872136013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889057436523076,0.07053026066152872,0.0,0.06334867345543373,0.0,0.1062407794005492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823301520772955,0.0,0.0,0.06357564555411656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396493253672005,0.06310643005682104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05151460330790337,0.0,0.0,0.06371817124559312,0.0,0.040730264551130366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472211739679348,0.0,0.059209689246617285,0.06755284033636827,0.0,0.05245365166131264,0.0,0.0,0.09528705736028513,0.11401971515988832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04932048220221347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090632936533238,0.0,0.05524123813938376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04133387978894533,0.0,0.061856714113747026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096243679687368,0.0,0.0,0.1016711938084,0.050266579682919886,0.0,0.0,0.13400206967981212,0.0,0.0,0.060254455809857575,0.0,0.10890562715640473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058350509389306415,0.041162991795592116,0.0,0.0,0.06717309932926355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062265773725795164,0.0,0.049221760479638325,0.06554192807414229,0.0,0.0,0.09512229984218573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05917084843555119,0.0,0.0,0.1313460161447737,0.0835738848430514,0.187601174227714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677901162971568,0.0,0.0,0.21537988669510075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05900669029281139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060888412961109036,0.06620694271683929,0.0,0.0,0.05865913997332563,0.19615929550199826,0.0,0.12481995704258653,0.04914036477810836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329996706784846,0.051011319955869584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05224998298379142,0.04747402769169508,0.060989929327719364,0.13806161263938482,0.0,0.0,0.14774128544001378,0.1546683323960246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092731346808673,0.2478267318176638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902704487288215,0.0,0.14686938149102238,0.1438333622108204,0.0,0.0,0.11785032239871975,0.2055418716772826,0.2512057915682843,0.0,0.06023939176196218,0.0,0.0,0.10652043450065032,0.0,0.0,0.1454904366708248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149690737278594,0.0,0.0,0.07091364562675337,0.0,0.0,0.04489408189932298,0.0,0.0,0.30664371132009305,0.13484568121897852,0.0,0.15884529600706082 bpd,arithmetok,2020/02/16,"Hello from the middle of a flashback 27 minutes ago my partner inadvertently triggered my fear of abandonment. A few years ago this would have ruined the day for me and for my partner. Possibly the week. I’d be violently ejected from the cockpit of my life reflexively grasping at anything to stop my free fall. I’d hound my partner about what he meant, how that was different than what he said previously, what that meant about how he really feels about me, and a thousand other false alarms clangoring in my ricochet brain. It wouldn’t stop until the energy generated by the explosion finally ran out, leaving me with a headache from sobbing on a good day, from pounding my head with my fists to relieve the anguish on many more days. I’ve been through intensive therapy and I found the right meds and I’ve been incredibly privileged and all that has allowed me to live a life where this happened: He made the comment. I felt my body tense and react defensively. ‘What do you mean?’ I heard the accusation and the fear in my voice. I saw his face change to startled confusion. I remembered that face from my old partnership — the one that got sucked into a black hole. I stopped. I closed my computer. I took a deep breath. I checked the facts. I know my partner loves me. I know that when we disagree it’s usually a misunderstanding. He’s showed in a thousand ways that he values our relationship. I said ‘hey, I’m not sure what just happened, I feel confused, I’ll take a minute.’ All of my strongest emotions are related to abandonment and security. So when I feel terrified and ready to run, and I’m with a safe person who loves me, that always means my fear of abandonment has been triggered. I’ve finally stayed mindful and used skills and paid attention enough times to notice it WHILE it’s happening. Even with all my progress, it’s still not, like, fun or easy. It feels like being Liam Neeson’s daughter in the scene in Taken when she’s under the bed and he states the fact of her impending kidnapping to her. ‘You are going to be taken. You have 5, maybe 10 seconds, important seconds. Shout out everything you can see.’ My body relaxes. I still feel the fear, but I can respond to it instead of reacting to it. I let my partner know I have something internal to deal with. I wrap myself in the softest blanket. I rock back and forth. I find the child screaming inside me ‘don’t leave me behind! Don’t leave me!’ and I tell her, ‘I hear you. You are right to scream. You are important and necessary in this world and you have the right to scream for your survival. I’m here now. I heard you. He might abandon you and me, I can’t control that. But you’re with me now, and I know you don’t ever deserve to be abandoned.’ It’s excruciating. I cry in agony and fear, clenching my teeth as I feel the feelings of that little girl. My partner kisses my forehead, and knows to offer me comfort without reassuring me, reassurance being, for me, a powerful drug that drags me towards the grave whenever I seek it. And then my breathing slows. And I pick up the phone to watch that scene from Taken again. And I write a Reddit post. And I tell him I might be a little defensive until my nervous system is finished regulating. And then I go to cook dinner, content with my own company and enjoying the act of creation. *Tl;dr: thrived during an abandonment flashback.*",3.460033950942204,5.74751057608696,4.424713127697653,82.78086166964945,75.22670807453416,7.720138961996,28.772397094431,8.594422698925456,2.349797589219917,2657,115,500,54,59,860,314,644,0.16399999999999998,0.76,0.077,-0.9935,4,0,2,0,0,0,81.0,2,12,0,5,21,44,4,11,40,0,33,18,10,11,7,104,77,42,1,2,7,1,8,2,6,4,3,10,1,9,32,39,2,13,21,4,3,7,8,26,0,5,21,21,93,19,72,45,7,71,0,8,3,3,59,27,2,5,34,335,125,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303302440338655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062437488935152774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06174974363697872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576994624367579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667002347210438,0.0,0.08376703910024244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938007857246934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416131128142082,0.0,0.0,0.08242553700066554,0.14517958536258582,0.07736071181945921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839856540505054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702006435332538,0.0,0.0,0.08440746328712112,0.0,0.077534141264793,0.0,0.049561781572288036,0.06787601673223094,0.0,0.0,0.06743916661465058,0.0,0.0,0.4221921243152774,0.2655896840741927,0.05360704350980044,0.07204808801867844,0.1644005583678841,0.06858322073194889,0.0,0.0,0.08227511173835513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529146047145086,0.06293817490401195,0.060014610582198785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19906712602424032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701046596593446,0.0,0.08457309235483226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061941554295585,0.0,0.0,0.2383626943804617,0.0,0.07673126910058307,0.1060028823891516,0.07331939064270984,0.1504152453674882,0.066259782063814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354491494801245,0.07100261274645438,0.0,0.07607658589016499,0.0753855898925181,0.16347639835784836,0.0833501173605219,0.0,0.0,0.1592065672104428,0.07576682132651967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543107120809729,0.07873958392396882,0.0,0.05084757822453078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552014219086681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459388304639877,0.07186550247408309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04807115783049625,0.0,0.0,0.08056255145069788,0.0850032380229032,0.19224570037496236,0.14275632700232746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05979543841307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057767790529787935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998034680363958,0.11985062211736948,0.1882049672606184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072227038592993,0.0,0.056419112496385614,0.0,0.13117274845709884,0.0,0.08581230264209885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04375516436771237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336979442923871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480859584252238,0.08264357274218556,0.0,0.0,0.05956153980211986,0.06019082411792941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723337941190698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053304724240422464,0.0,0.0,0.048321904800081285 bpd,babbletea,2020/02/16,"Seeking Support through Valentines's day blue Lately I'm struggling with feeling I'm unloveable. Maybe it's because I've gotten too many left on reads now I became used to it. The pain of thinking you're the last person on this earth to deserve love. The pain of thinking no one to love you. The pain of feeling isolated in this ocean of people in love I crave for real intimacy, not sex Someone to hold to Someone to talk about my deepest thoughts Someone to share feelings with Someone to acknowledge my physical, emotional, intellectual needs The hardest part about being single is when you're alone at your darkest moments You started hating youreself for not working enough You started hating yourself for not making progress in life You started hating yourself for being broke and ugly . . . Is it silly of me, to look for comfort on the strange island of internet?",6.797767548906792,8.412580341772156,6.3675143843498265,74.99388377445344,65.20253164556962,7.517606444188722,39.04718066743384,7.686295010490155,3.370840506329114,706,39,107,7,11,219,96,158,0.21899999999999997,0.632,0.149,-0.9264,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,5,0,2,5,16,3,1,6,0,4,8,0,2,0,18,27,2,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,7,1,0,0,4,9,0,1,2,5,10,7,32,23,3,17,0,1,2,4,11,8,0,0,9,69,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570423924032914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398692160658267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827455736402822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652656764073962,0.0,0.12540917318942282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841071861692175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.359487597151688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893394731618592,0.13691230477323452,0.0,0.13187045732561678,0.0,0.08572825866942052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192146664700936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32862747110658225,0.0,0.08101639871601356,0.1230516206141562,0.12193395508864087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999540714168419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224444921683148,0.0,0.3874434043395376,0.0,0.0,0.13143347448893872,0.0,0.08414369523184323,0.1059768861223095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140431488260656,0.1381473045008796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4113506107953081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577220535676209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126883813056289,0.0,0.0,0.13773090588338485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755379014786014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553987447178988,0.0,0.09635538988628728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482598101423488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835987571570046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CowsGoMoooooooooo,2020/02/16,"I’m a physically attractive woman, but men always back out once they notice how uncomfortable I am to be with I’m a 26 year old woman, attractive, and have a good full time job. I should be going on so many dates, have fun, have girlfriends that are like sisters, everything a typical pretty girl in her 20s should be doing. But, I only have acquaintances for friends, I spend my weekends at home, and guys are always interested in me at first and then only see me as a fuck buddy or just stop talking to me. I know why. I’ve psychoanalyzed myself. I look up videos on charisma, read about personality types so I know what it’s like to be normal, read books on how to be like able. I just don’t know how to act like a well adjusted human that is fun to be around. Nobody likes me. I know how to be a decent human being, I’m kind, I work hard, I’m generous, but I’m so painfully awkward. I make people uncomfortable. I fell deep for a guy who was interested in me but then downgraded me to a fuck buddy because he didn’t like my personality, and we had a fight about it, and now he won’t talk to me. I lost the man of my dreams and I’ve been laying in bed for days unless I have to go to work. I’m laying in bed right now. I stated antidepressants again last week because I couldn’t take the pain anymore. I’m in so much pain. I haven’t been suicidal in a year and now it’s back. I wish I could just be a normal human.",2.465777648088711,3.6592240604026856,4.589217974905164,85.23715056901081,75.1744966442953,7.5987160782025125,22.68806536329151,8.18289091462,1.0448539247154942,1102,29,244,18,23,382,149,298,0.14800000000000002,0.639,0.213,0.9694,1,0,0,0,1,0,34.0,1,0,1,4,21,24,3,1,14,0,31,5,0,5,0,38,52,24,1,7,9,1,1,6,2,3,3,0,3,12,7,11,0,1,5,6,1,4,5,8,1,1,6,3,33,16,35,32,2,42,0,1,2,2,24,18,2,1,25,155,40,7,0.10761316383781946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908554604776375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672334200739282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579853113129652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549576085420672,0.0,0.1311999716925197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592035476166128,0.0,0.0,0.06940158806047228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671577272057112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153570218623899,0.0,0.0,0.08314166343510453,0.19897327182528815,0.0,0.0,0.12231808191073325,0.09026081615518658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131079022339168,0.0,0.0,0.0964002574191648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794477757039313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067894601254536,0.0,0.0,0.11206255017727516,0.23656552207159706,0.08771909146547043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154461366017505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036795455589,0.0,0.11747248051045599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183262249165648,0.1091028575775992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910805755012595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21087610424589395,0.0,0.12251830028460495,0.11292191296516604,0.11460450737354895,0.0,0.16368932066708888,0.3435239808468947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460541804417789,0.18792732765991074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948127525381324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21528457097653572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919010539291602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575375885545186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996942356691866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771133491530927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091170658255675,0.1729907695572851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275010123597193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632078890472057,0.0,0.09675715811162472,0.0,0.09710414220673877,0.0,0.12374982754191245,0.0,0.0,0.1566873298810562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859869855077542 bpd,TBBSSLMAO,2020/02/16,"After an ""intervention"" with my friend last night I'm pretty sure I know the problem. I've not been diagnosed but I'm pretty sure my problem is BPD. It's hard to explain what's going on. I show the symptoms for BPD, I'm irrational, i self harm, my relationships are fucked, I have really weird anger issues, I'm terrified of people leaving me, my personality/how I view myself constantly changes, and my mood constantly changes. I didn't really know what the problem was because I've been trying to act like I'm fine and block out all the problems I have. But my best friend noticed. I dont know if anyone else does this but I obsess over people a lot. I idolize people to an extreme amount and literally get addicted to them. I get so obsessed I try to become them. It's not been this bad in the past, but it has happened for the last few years. But this time it's so strong and it's for my best friend specifically. I obsess over her so much that Ive been trying to become her. I don't have a personality of my own, I'm a personality thief, I just take the personality of whoever I'm closest with at the time/whoever I'm around. I'm not sure why I do this. But it's getting bad, i dont know how much of me/my problems are real and how much of it I stole. All of my interests and problems are real to me, but I know most of them I stole. I dont know how to deal with this or if anyone has experienced this before.",1.4766017316017326,3.385023508417511,3.9225432900432895,85.8323863636364,79.9090909090909,6.936459836459838,23.06505531505532,7.957251820313856,1.1749115921115931,1110,37,240,20,28,387,125,297,0.225,0.628,0.14800000000000002,-0.9822,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,3,3,8,29,2,3,13,0,21,4,0,3,5,51,44,22,0,8,14,0,1,1,3,0,3,0,0,4,16,11,0,1,7,1,0,2,8,16,0,0,6,3,39,12,29,38,12,19,0,0,1,1,15,8,1,5,10,154,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657883527197012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110637392083245,0.08137452919072903,0.0,0.0707000765576297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262371202598225,0.04841331037898168,0.17542490744923475,0.06758003375805488,0.0,0.1666914565811461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20005183084328976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803032416546565,0.0,0.0,0.17164824792254152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187788245149963,0.0,0.08060898807097468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950042526872258,0.0,0.2792367279913733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634469217602831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840776231297635,0.0734219271675985,0.1244800276309172,0.0,0.04513585779107042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023028598206674,0.0,0.0711441553354214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289318774522644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26188085021525315,0.12947477187671466,0.0,0.08409364483293613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038800292210789435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751950771204164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514712362720508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452969806879002,0.0,0.0,0.09041947833167163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581477448209993,0.16517817251628544,0.20803778976449067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615961007056157,0.0,0.455961663577699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18079325874333246,0.10175616324054586,0.0,0.0,0.08526668075478994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285172289670359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22455544701590208,0.08254713383206054,0.059713481848224385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262014582043808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176161558324986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166362789707295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051143469960399215 bpd,slendersproxyy,2020/02/16,"why? I keep hurting everyone around me. I'm so fucking impulsive and I can't control myself. I say awful things to the ones that I love, and because of that, they leave, they always leave. And everyone keeps blaming me, but it isn't my fault. Or is it? I don't even know who I am, somedays I wake up and I don't recognize myself in the mirror. It's black or white, no gray, no shadows. It's depression or hype. And sometimes it's just... emptiness, lack of emotion. I want to do risky shit, I want to scream, I want to fight someone, I want to jump of a fucking building, I want to grab my headphones as run away from everything. Why am I like this? Why can't I just be normal and enjoy life?",0.4054166666666674,2.5528387083333333,2.424166666666668,93.71250000000002,85.52777777777777,5.266666666666668,22.88888888888889,6.6274283507984215,0.5805638888888889,530,20,117,6,16,177,83,144,0.259,0.612,0.129,-0.9695,0,0,0,0,1,0,28.0,0,0,2,1,5,11,4,0,3,1,10,6,2,1,0,24,22,12,0,7,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,10,7,0,3,1,0,0,2,7,8,0,1,0,6,23,3,15,21,1,6,0,2,3,3,6,4,3,3,1,79,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223748416976826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092435811582706,0.0,0.0,0.13817803232817974,0.0,0.0,0.08965310780765283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495261614108125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667202446189174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543506367772748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713899898285576,0.0,0.0,0.28106525881381145,0.13217791873825802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719295127837444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574425319660772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614468991539069,0.0,0.0,0.08082636749176897,0.0,0.0,0.3114538769246735,0.0,0.0,0.1038805865923214,0.07185145476134461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273730661182798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14409833984051734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965910612452887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695675081072787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096625333477948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461276890419527,0.0,0.14545696543395906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770742785735817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43373138916275067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981260674460992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,atomric,2020/02/16,DAE use silent treatment when someone upsets you? When someone tell me something that I don't like or do something I disagree (or maybe if the person didn't do anything) I just ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist.,5.082857142857144,6.445201571428572,5.041428571428573,83.85357142857143,69.0,5.6000000000000005,33.04761904761905,3.1291,1.6005619047619049,174,8,30,0,3,54,31,42,0.264,0.736,0.0,-0.8446,0,0,2,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,6,6,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678390580224135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901115832941454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32698444068008337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841931339677216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5515496044417441,0.5011347315219893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844804149431392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811068069248068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Leipakone,2020/02/16,I feel like I can never reach out to my full potential and I'm that type of person who needs to have a purpose or a plan. I don't have one because I can't tell which are my limits. I can't accept that BPD limits my resources to be what I want. So it hitted me again: if I can't do things what I would like to do I should kill myself. Why I have to live because others would be sad if I'm dead. I don't want to disappoint anymore myself or other people. I have no trust in humans or never had. I have been molested mentally and physically my whole life long and I can't find a single person who I could talk to about these things. My dreams are nightmares nowadays so I can't even escape reality in sleep. I have no hideout and I don't want to show people how they can hurt me. My ex cheated and raped me and I can't forgive him but I'm under his spell. We have common friends and I have no plan to be victim shamed so I restrain myself from them. And that'd why I think everybody secretly hates me. I just wish I could stop existing without having to do anything to that really happen.,1.3908784893267665,3.1142829482758643,3.4685714285714297,89.87166666666668,79.43103448275863,6.1431855500821015,20.96141215106732,7.07126945348624,0.4703946633825944,852,23,186,10,21,290,120,232,0.187,0.7240000000000001,0.09,-0.9638,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,1,0,2,4,8,16,6,1,3,0,36,3,1,1,2,41,49,18,2,12,8,1,1,2,1,3,1,0,0,3,15,10,0,4,6,2,0,0,15,10,0,1,2,1,42,6,19,37,3,11,0,3,0,1,16,5,0,5,8,144,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944356442119913,0.0,0.0,0.1240046785815066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837179294884935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18978824142165898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24062672383380115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995290414471933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619317556963097,0.1076526607011982,0.0,0.0,0.1377275392906547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642238990968826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325429129931626,0.0,0.0,0.14877475548242874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613163039941188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667156854505446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064365014748678,0.14723862699563434,0.0,0.13306165327597375,0.13335552973571332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518596465114721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173440862603194,0.23244217605462394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021111542008899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20893835196583832,0.2631526446735732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653559876873398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079839870429493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598323004005615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111857035369135,0.13170932827431592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20022291229560613,0.09655579347794843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666418422731354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719478018301341,0.16823952625824534,0.17328557161460525,0.14525937051736387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140910976139186,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ginx_minx,2020/02/16,"Looking for a BPD friend (group maybe)? I would love to have some people/friends to talk with, preferrably on discord, that have BPD. I kind off feel like I don't belong in the 'real world' and I just do not like hanging out with my friends. It feels like we're from different worlds. I hope I do not come of as rude but I would like to be friends with people with BPD that have at least gotten or are receiving some treatment or form of therapy. I know how bad it can be and I am doing much better myself and do not want to go back to that place so I do not think it would be wise for me to talk a lot to people with for example severe depression. Don't get me wrong we all hate the world and want to skip on life some days, but the majority of my days are not spend like this anymore. A little about me: I am a 23 year old female student who has actually started going back to school this week. I still have a lot of anxiety and struggle with it but am doing my best. I love animals, art, painting, psychology, books and games. I have a dark sense of humor and consider it one of my best talents. Pm me if you're interested!",3.024276018099549,3.986059944444445,4.301312217194572,88.74074660633484,73.48717948717949,7.5571644042232275,24.87581699346405,7.928766900206844,1.1209032679738562,873,26,196,12,17,288,127,234,0.10800000000000001,0.6509999999999999,0.24,0.9893,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,0,3,7,25,2,1,9,0,26,3,0,1,1,46,43,16,0,7,12,0,2,5,3,3,1,0,0,0,11,16,0,0,4,3,1,5,7,6,0,1,1,3,24,19,33,36,12,25,0,1,1,2,12,11,0,9,14,139,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.10548749363162628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269423430628664,0.0,0.10720359902924904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16624049485281187,0.0902568347046995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268831570689656,0.09560338803427446,0.0,0.0,0.4084347682545176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311636010148797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139427792992326,0.0,0.0931041538199106,0.0,0.0,0.11293880183867495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931461216369652,0.1544496441441402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340632098610369,0.0,0.05647644304471005,0.0,0.12286851555189066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672382778197716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736513381179437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256683373509348,0.05940751782902305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635240815073331,0.2640547083976347,0.10834201813710773,0.0,0.0,0.0907746120303462,0.0,0.0,0.18380113039558216,0.19512429306987492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859839276873093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946404527885753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343006367149605,0.0,0.07324961281379334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988228762295544,0.0,0.11293880183867495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303853527281837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940036522143268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211932162536995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651191384208543,0.0,0.08632674329958794,0.0,0.0,0.11300689915507188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376923123430454,0.0,0.0,0.12361882635663715,0.0,0.0,0.0692644652049842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751732403323482,0.0,0.08670923405855381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303679279187342,0.11818756490082702,0.0,0.06961119763464603 bpd,neoncity88,2020/02/16,"Advise needed for BPD friendship. Hello everyone! I have a friend that has BPD. We know each other since high school and we have been friends for years. During these years our friendship was/is unstable. There were times we were not speaking to each other and times were we were hanging out together. We never had any big arguments and I enjoy our time together. I am a person who enjoys solitude and to spend time by myself. I also tend to distance people and avoid social interactions when I am stressed. My friend needs a frequent and stable relationship with people because otherwise they feel abandoned. I understand this is a symptom of BPD and we have discussed it frequently. Today they told me that they thought best if we stopped communicating and that they feel that our relationship is not working out. They said that this is not what they want but they believe it is better this way because none of us will get hurt and asked me if I could think of a better solution. I really enjoy the company of my friend and I would like to continue our friendship. I am also willing to try to be more social with them. However I do not know whether this is going to be good for them. I understand that they feel abandoned by me and this feeling is very painful to them. But I also know that pushing people away and needing validation is also a symptom of BPD. My question is: Would it be best for them for me to try and continue our friendship (to validate them) or for us to end it? Thank you for your time reading this!",5.248392857142857,6.7861631250000025,5.573849206349204,79.52750000000003,68.79166666666666,8.402380952380952,31.075396825396822,8.841846274778883,2.6168480158730163,1212,50,217,21,21,386,137,288,0.07400000000000001,0.72,0.20600000000000002,0.9923,1,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,14,2,13,5,7,20,0,2,7,0,30,3,0,0,1,60,52,24,0,9,10,0,4,1,4,4,3,2,0,1,22,26,0,4,12,1,1,3,6,6,0,0,9,6,50,14,30,35,6,25,0,3,0,0,48,5,0,4,17,175,72,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775889539370773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05901278382236181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112677173252973,0.0,0.08153184873079124,0.0,0.0,0.10579950373961387,0.0,0.0,0.09777036217799982,0.1821386850626842,0.15349817596911575,0.0,0.0,0.4371811028772379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928607359931017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686055129967252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292117704593688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755125411233662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681813606525825,0.0,0.04533851347129425,0.0,0.04931857910330195,0.0727862165910492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168691478927718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289885290567354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307462025830964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042395899275622664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930368747816822,0.0669294144104629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923391121390266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18048516558812225,0.07577218862564726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721248534252827,0.0,0.08680261313429757,0.0,0.05559293244472481,0.0,0.0,0.1863366177351372,0.0,0.0,0.08254682434612272,0.0,0.0,0.0878251119396767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178459264789495,0.0,0.0,0.17692078828124386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255123794864217,0.09940519961116176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18039348530793844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989456327171242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05560456217634111,0.0,0.06889293547590447,0.2530080412644965,0.0,0.08225646791974507,0.08292117704593688,0.0,0.11783466515616255,0.0,0.0,0.1806802684161065,0.2087692158386685,0.0,0.0,0.07160187005793027,0.05118457893078783,0.06888123373684205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631762397881907,0.0,0.0,0.12329080752045198,0.0,0.0,0.11176582842558967 bpd,srhbb,2020/02/16,DAE know when hypo mania is coming on because of physical feelings? right now i’m hypo manic. i knew i was feeling it because my body starts to feel lighter and my vision goes weird? like dissociation but fast kind of. does this make sense to anyone?,1.5254464285714278,4.261266604166668,3.0634523809523806,85.3125,91.29166666666666,4.40952380952381,21.44047619047619,6.1826913282559595,0.5848476190476188,199,7,35,2,7,65,41,48,0.027999999999999997,0.865,0.106,0.3999,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,9,11,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,4,2,5,9,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21767019668396234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795346660370605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457872973791565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681598477972109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724232291420632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4722122363010983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241740223577989,0.17108390965538126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208685205665626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077970752297919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26585094006881066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203417653804863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cutelittleblackcat,2020/02/16,"“Storming out” In several relationships with different guys, I’ve had HUGE fights that would start with me feeling talked down to, disrespected, or otherwise offended in some way. I get up and leave the room, go to another room to blow off some steam. Suddenly, my issue isn’t the problem. My storming out is the problem, and they refuse to even address what I was upset about to begin with. I feel SO confused, because on the one hand I feel justified that I have a right to leave a situation where I feel myself getting angry to cool down before continuing. But the fact I have had the same exact fight with multiple partners is really making me unsure. It will for sure be a thing I bring up with a therapist, but in the meantime, what do you guys think? Am I really that out of line?",7.3465728476821175,6.774092556291393,7.791117549668872,72.8225703642384,63.83443708609272,11.523509933774836,34.76903973509934,10.9516,3.7524894039735095,620,24,116,15,8,205,97,151,0.151,0.779,0.07,-0.8041,1,0,0,0,2,0,17.0,0,1,1,0,4,9,3,2,11,1,13,1,1,1,3,30,25,6,0,3,3,0,5,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,7,10,0,1,5,0,0,2,1,7,0,1,3,6,16,2,27,19,3,24,0,0,0,0,10,17,0,4,4,86,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17794493761807362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034473653837226,0.0,0.14440195041586945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17730007351773325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120850550139074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432210800477762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17732218406478978,0.0,0.09644425337309097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33605877721096394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771224031857316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593749708658001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113275871168333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499291231708204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32475939945618704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174279535191719,0.0,0.0,0.18219397537680868,0.0,0.14492262128286826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917123641265631,0.0,0.0,0.19074957913318752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201143250002038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993996413049932,0.0,0.0,0.13639819517906288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19703443770181112,0.11274094381590488,0.10873671911759902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469972736344152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054980187252964,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,anhedonik,2020/02/16,bpd related to severely traumatic childhood. Question about happiness. Is it possible to ever actually be happy when your core self is built on pain and suffering?,6.445555555555552,10.093203185185184,8.023703703703706,53.56666666666669,72.7037037037037,13.970370370370365,42.333333333333336,11.855464076750405,8.032022222222222,134,9,16,7,3,46,25,27,0.316,0.507,0.17600000000000002,-0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,0,4,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.26163004411547897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376665888940585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24251468921070424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.570801673191509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28528070232026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302246069286243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003369368665753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796901036755901,0.30288029797893445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,melind64,2020/02/16,"Why are such communities ALLOWED?(I've read rule 5) Rule 5 of this sub: >5.No Drama About Other Subs > >The content of other subreddits can sometimes be vitriolic and stigmatizing towards pwBPD and the disorder itself. Please do not link to nor create submissions about these subreddits or threads. Exposing your fellow pwBPD to this content can be very upsetting. > >This especially and specifically applies to mentioning BPD subs dedicated to loved ones of pwBPD. Bear with me. This is more of an attempt to achieve something that can stop harming other people. Have you ever heard of the antipsychiatry movement? It's basically a scientology cult that denies the existence of mental illness and anything that has to do with psychology and psychiatry. Things like these could greatly affect us. Some people need help out there and they just oppose it. It's sick. There is a subreddit and communities with the same name, and they are very dangerous. I suffer from schizophrenia and I find it offensive for me and everybody else affected with mental illness. Because they say it's all a myth. Imagine if a person with schizophrenia or any delusional disorder actually believes them and stops or won't take treatment at all, it can harm him and the people around him. This is very serious. Or what if someone is suicidal and needs help? This can cause a lot of damage people. I am trying to spread this on many mental health communities because maybe something can be achieved. Have you ever heard about cases where people died because they were following their conspiracy cure instead of having a real medical care? Whether it was a cancer cure or whatever. Similar things can happen here! If you want, check the most upvoted posts of r/antipsychiatry and you'll see what I mean. THIS IS NOT ONLY OFFENSIVE BUT ALSO DAMAGING.",6.557379454926625,9.27429389937107,6.517798742138367,69.31074423480085,67.55345911949685,9.742557651991618,34.104821802935014,10.082433333333334,4.141194129979036,1492,71,222,40,27,472,188,318,0.161,0.789,0.05,-0.9839,1,0,2,0,0,0,43.0,1,5,6,3,14,14,3,1,14,0,29,7,0,3,4,58,41,26,2,7,13,0,0,1,1,2,6,3,0,1,27,21,0,3,4,2,1,2,4,10,0,1,4,4,20,4,31,31,7,13,0,3,1,1,24,6,0,11,5,165,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.1058709688158461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675972413173268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377718417187815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892783453897826,0.09657944666764134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19840420076233595,0.0,0.0,0.12223151577919975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663984587021266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061318112823207,0.11144951358610848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662074691934148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259589437863265,0.0,0.2486787677567699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062979803809464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19627153437682754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915824921391073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961103583624455,0.0,0.0,0.09593769186274297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153202092640633,0.0,0.0,0.14543764046915506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05300292354289456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223464827205767,0.0979168109679177,0.0,0.0,0.10999222524885498,0.10899317690132578,0.11817783763987605,0.0,0.10929265219852403,0.3279983818459759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608884961333334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351589469992753,0.0825118288805625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760678743205095,0.09472962218098822,0.0,0.1190898670331937,0.0,0.0,0.10390380224427746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851974709558884,0.12348581317615588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627591106730674,0.0,0.0,0.08645279298258697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192355373507054,0.16704240217232294,0.10729976787923437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18140564458531608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867087583053765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157127002258377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415238621118565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365785199378741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050057876198315,0.0,0.0,0.2685477965358959,0.06399044176434572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789570061997532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shirtlesssleeves,2020/02/16,"Knowing I am the problem, but then realizing how F20 here. Don’t know how I’m going to start this off. Obviously after a certain point of being a grown up you realize that your life is the way it is because you chose for it to be that way. There comes a point in time where you can’t let past heartbreak/trauma/experiences affect your decision making in the NOW. I came to this realization pretty young. Probably at around 18. I’m glad I could cognitively accept this cold reality of life. It feels cold because you realize your life is the way it is because of your everyday habits which can be a pain and a half to break. But it’s also cool! Cause in the reality of everything you have so much control of where your life can go if you put in thoughtful, everyday mindful habits! So yeah. I knew the problem was me. And that I, MYSELF, was the asshole. But I didn’t know how exactly. I got out a relationship in early January. I was in it for 2 months. But during the duration of that relationship and even right now, a little over a month after a break up- I’m starting to realize HOW I am the asshole. The interesting part of my habitual and almost inevitable breakdowns and eruptions- is that they usually stem out of me trying NOT to be an asshole. This usually manifests in never accepting for help when I need it, or asking for it when I recognize I might not be able to complete a task. I try to pass off as hyper independent. Which no one can TRULY be independent in life. “No one man is an island” type of talk. None of us would be alive if we as a collective species did not agree to work together. So yeah. I try to be hyper independent. And on top of that I try my best to not become burdensome to those around me. I try not to be an inconvenience. But then certain things upset me. Or I’m not happy with what someone says. And then I let it fester. Because I don’t prioritize my joy, my needs, my safety at times, MYSELF. I used to think I was very aware of my emotions, but my constant need to prioritize the wants/needs of others has caused me to become completely disconnected with what I’m feeling until it bubbles to the surface. And I won’t know why. I let it fester so much, that a month after an interaction, I go completely haywire. Emotional outbursts. Silent treatment. Wicked words thorned with malice and spite. And it’s just NOT healthy. I end up abusing those around me. And sometimes it happens because I tolerate abuse on my part and it’s just not healthy. Anyways- just felt like talking about this- hoping someone might find some insight. But I guess right now I’ll try to be more open to people about my needs, and also make sure that I can find a balance with them on theirs. Happy Vibes y’all.",2.6922477817942827,4.930533746741156,4.2937517800416245,83.03256325994086,77.45437616387338,7.414744221711031,26.35808960455691,8.374686772538922,1.9425753751780048,2150,85,418,43,51,718,246,537,0.102,0.757,0.141,0.9742,0,0,0,0,1,0,63.0,2,12,3,4,29,19,1,1,29,3,41,6,0,14,6,104,75,42,0,11,22,0,3,1,0,4,6,1,0,1,35,26,0,1,20,0,0,8,17,5,0,3,11,7,61,14,72,46,8,76,0,0,0,0,26,34,0,10,30,311,96,2,0.07040534718698263,0.16683764729800954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050078517643278,0.0,0.0,0.11260626141735736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880270573904881,0.06581949559657398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21459223083189,0.15551434900164307,0.0,0.0,0.07388606820800027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052496098340671,0.0,0.14465137121297594,0.0,0.06064797248610165,0.22145600102329774,0.07608316835131132,0.07896558355838615,0.056212940793564266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839307856939205,0.062358240193484085,0.0,0.0,0.04650206780835845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327578628866644,0.06886993927579248,0.0,0.0,0.07119811796344905,0.0,0.06760017433232256,0.0,0.12869842365698755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003894389467455,0.0,0.056309587796296724,0.0,0.07755942749548836,0.0,0.06225921600021896,0.1498956025253085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04719122013841007,0.0,0.0,0.0699283957651205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477175022027562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21598271282070788,0.24864689425823475,0.03439649632410716,0.07056465402971693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399223190758307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493778946012615,0.0710893303504574,0.0,0.16859062925537005,0.0,0.10351206225101307,0.20881869134493075,0.054300944102578456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541697071721232,0.0,0.07491625335301254,0.0,0.0,0.15248426010500907,0.06720987042106366,0.048810202879513764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311162022204867,0.0,0.0,0.0716275492683676,0.07590887223205513,0.13473681761622494,0.0,0.07077682001029481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117798882635156,0.0,0.12025156361880353,0.0,0.05598915794680613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193084443950862,0.0,0.06963268862799188,0.0,0.0996665342265591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635620651067224,0.0,0.0,0.11317830232348967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04677418424298432,0.04511290363409835,0.0,0.05589398131286832,0.08210784825906722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868036552695685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846889638841849,0.06080761471493532,0.15508308626786513,0.05809178487370643,0.0,0.16765346249359328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352987498502399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05125593127576132,0.0,0.0,0.0500139386135376,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,scalemama,2020/02/16,"I feel like I am going to be perpetually unhappy for the rest of my life. So I am currently unmedicated nor am i seeing a therapist. I keep calling to make an appointment at my mental health clinic, but i keep getting the appointment persons voicemail and I get so anxious at the thought of leaving a voicemail I just hang up. Absolutely nothing seems to be working out in my favor anymore and it's getting really tiring. My moods have been so sensitive recently, even my bf playing xbox with his friends makes me want to cry. I'm frustrated or depressed for most of my days now, maybe I get a solid 2 hours out of my day where I'm in an okay mood. I just feel like I'm not living much of a life and I just feel like giving up a lot. I'm just tired of being unhappy, lashing out, not finding interest in anything I used to enjoy, isolating and not understanding what's going on in my head.",4.526266294227188,5.308066910614528,6.3783379888268135,75.90128724394788,69.83798882681565,9.542085661080074,33.3524208566108,9.725611199111238,3.2735918063314715,703,33,135,16,12,245,104,179,0.149,0.6920000000000001,0.159,-0.2604,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,10,13,1,0,10,1,8,7,1,3,0,32,32,10,0,1,9,0,3,3,2,0,6,0,0,1,2,8,0,2,7,2,0,3,4,2,0,0,2,4,22,9,26,27,4,22,0,1,1,0,6,13,0,4,9,92,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251887076055953,0.13389013014310827,0.0,0.0,0.11109881257139656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378566894027774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482982559436858,0.17413599467136898,0.0,0.11628086542514955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917049298171846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20478996668499155,0.28934592414253224,0.0,0.0,0.12339345780018067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043056554288708,0.0,0.2821412108454673,0.12951049752311505,0.15345456390176565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855557643581304,0.1435055528727199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295416726668147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399998881006601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295234682901262,0.0,0.0,0.1907181094032532,0.1978720094795355,0.0,0.11921317684825015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477766367899946,0.0,0.0,0.18023571962846568,0.0,0.13563213430148613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605475694892602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924528150571932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954233868334192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788243267386167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864885947591544,0.0,0.13330259109416634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758266858455233,0.12290480990753165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675290467641886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718004818451464,0.0,0.3103401290440226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054648521692345,0.0,0.11660223376558247,0.0,0.0,0.07963030749393263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828631016866733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chewypills,2020/02/16,"i hate how deeply other peoples' opinions affect me (and i want it to stop) a little backstory about me: i first noticed symptoms of my BPD when i was 11-12, i think right around the time puberty started. i learned what BPD was when i was... what, 14? 15? and heavily identified with it. later, around 17(?) i was professionally diagnosed with BPD. i am now 21 and have been receiving DBT-based talk therapy and i am on medication. he/him. now to the matter at hand: for as long as i can remember, my confidence and self-worth have been guided completely by what others think of me. not just that, but my perception of reality is guided by others, too? when people say that i am manipulative, it doesn't just cut deep, but i second-guess everything i know about myself and start to wonder if maybe i AM manipulative. it bugs me to my core. this frustrates my therapist, who is insistent on ""who cares what other people think"" and she's right! but i cannot seem to get a grasp on this and i never have been able to. so this problem isn't new, however recently i had a big upheaval in my life. a long-time friend cut ties with me for seemingly no reason and i then found out they befriended my ex, someone who bluntly dumped me \~3 years ago and is still ranting on twitter about how i am abusive and shitty. i then got a long message from the friend that said i am a manipulator and an abuser, i always have been, and that i need 'serious help' (more than the help i'm getting, they said). this was really out of nowhere, mind you, since i hadn't breathed a word about my ex in i don't know how long and the friend & i had exchanged friendly memes like every other day for months. now i find myself lying awake at night plagued by thoughts that i am an abuser and that nothing i ever do will change that, or that no matter how hard i try, i'm doomed to manipulate someone one way or another. i have done so much work in the past \~3 years not just to better myself as a person but to build my own confidence, fragile as it is, and i feel like i've been violently tossed back to square one. 5 minutes prior to the event i fully believed i had made plenty of progress with myself, and 5 minutes later i felt like i didn't know who i was and if i really have made any progress or not. i can't reassure myself that i'm not what they say -- i still have to find solace in my friends, my boyfriend, in others, asking them if they think what they've said is true. ...which makes me feel like i'm manipulating my friends, which sends me into yet another downward spiral -- but thats another topic for another day. how do i become okay with me, and believe in my own truth? deep down i know that i am not an abuser, and that i am not a manipulator. but that belief still hangs by a thread, and i have an extremely hard time assuring myself that it is the truth, simply because a few ex loved ones have said otherwise. i also know of the stigma toward BPD individuals, which honestly? just makes it a lot worse. is this relatable? am i going crazy? honestly i appreciate any kind of feedback at all. forgive me... i'm not good at this asking-for-help thing 😢 thank you all in advance",4.109371952968168,5.034577621451107,5.3658230570691146,82.25646042443363,70.89274447949526,8.602753082879266,27.34284485230857,8.906399129114982,1.9650044164037856,2468,82,508,45,44,824,276,634,0.121,0.7120000000000001,0.16699999999999998,0.9805,1,0,0,0,3,0,98.0,0,2,5,6,31,34,6,0,25,1,52,7,2,17,8,114,95,50,0,6,23,3,7,4,6,1,4,6,0,1,47,31,0,1,26,0,1,5,17,9,0,4,27,14,86,25,64,67,8,73,2,1,1,1,38,29,0,11,42,356,133,4,0.06310349262679138,0.2990692800130873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055937438766777585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05046384025498113,0.05250716098088728,0.06837260789676773,0.0,0.08582507779436914,0.2646780564562831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235097431038796,0.058993247260706226,0.0,0.0,0.048522690683862515,0.0,0.03846730339984916,0.06969284981666762,0.0,0.14219205393138576,0.0,0.05580991117746203,0.0,0.0,0.31790655968384524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433821636033503,0.0,0.06675512797462138,0.0,0.06616281142500201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139306464517318,0.0,0.0,0.06404871669810874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457678202188881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05708072182406593,0.05316741416939181,0.0,0.056713350236266565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381404383982105,0.09016229548250757,0.06058924887083352,0.0,0.11535089808945585,0.053675798591914604,0.0,0.06918972256000018,0.2925216112108649,0.0,0.06593794079377747,0.0,0.035863169080363785,0.05292821569042348,0.05046962766740329,0.0,0.06951561147907558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305666920896132,0.06230163461252593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268908228296065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571257694373175,0.17340014624390868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04457186303428993,0.1233167160676721,0.06324627749438366,0.0,0.22337842089441048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053648332829046935,0.056953365820522475,0.11942010100418067,0.08424414267006801,0.0,0.06339594002950133,0.0,0.0,0.06357012999736221,0.0,0.0,0.06371653876941677,0.0,0.05036860577226803,0.0,0.04638832786161223,0.04679044020131407,0.048669303720704014,0.06094574640170675,0.0,0.05921835308241944,0.0,0.06054950308601395,0.07184374460273503,0.0,0.0,0.12828167920541778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023942402129585,0.1312440489501232,0.055099535746537164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06038152013100793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085142646799913,0.0648809002921973,0.0623070861068822,0.0,0.07148395585544437,0.1077800758233079,0.24010348816994914,0.10036486025111976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489409937199173,0.06583070517010912,0.0,0.0,0.05219986119438172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693476904821347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932995374627406,0.0,0.15118359217758026,0.05275734542335301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558869073502542,0.0,0.050720197055597965,0.0,0.058097217789135625,0.07216434334265047,0.0732680186409741,0.04192315652762057,0.1617366802715702,0.0,0.05009712441714561,0.0735923080310544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04284312927154645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03722007490639915,0.05008861522133827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843304593898022,0.04594009419127401,0.0,0.06430785006889822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127316064475776 bpd,Victorious_me,2020/02/16,"how to mess up so, i’m pretty self-aware, i can (usually) easily recognize when my behavior is perhaps a bit “extreme” in relation to the circumstances of whatever situation i’m in and then apologize and course-correct as needed... but sometimes, i still fuck up. sometimes, i’m still the person who’s in the wrong in a situation because, that’s life and it happens to everyone, regardless of if you have a mood disorder or not. HOWEVER, when i realize that i’ve done something wrong, or indulged in bad behavior, and the hurt that someone i care about is feeling *is* in fact my fault, i go WILD beating myself up about it! i apologize to the point of self-flagellation and it’s no longer about making amends with the person that i’ve wronged, but rather the guilt and shame i feel about doing the wrong thing and hurting someone who I care about. how do i stop doing this shit?? i’m so grossed out by this behavior! it’s manipulative, masturbatory, and most definitely selfish. anyone have any advice for me?",5.619242851389449,6.7822656806282735,6.697068062827227,73.21654853000403,67.58638743455498,10.484252919855015,34.58759565042288,10.560738912317856,3.9254281917035847,799,38,144,22,13,268,108,191,0.31,0.599,0.091,-0.9953,1,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,1,0,1,14,18,2,2,11,0,10,3,1,4,1,29,23,21,0,4,7,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,13,10,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,15,0,0,1,2,14,2,26,22,2,19,0,2,0,1,7,11,2,4,7,100,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893408080096365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276730585434679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510280351410775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162317410084833,0.07419358415300281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287633077225927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481839093406967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949076439713273,0.0,0.0,0.12455208678053355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629958761177485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230809600184176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251938546118984,0.0,0.0,0.06917087547051122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762818308252034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26058719056897817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596771747987078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124269621423183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024678508257103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21254580804424786,0.0,0.0,0.11505575199998652,0.0,0.0,0.12382332258056385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539411672880174,0.0,0.12493406748473483,0.0,0.27361537723211826,0.0,0.0,0.20624980399046264,0.09369868033342088,0.2407495706388363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19439630677490366,0.10175541827483356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808590404546975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404690802548316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5322852512507481,0.0,0.0 bpd,Peachman02,2020/02/16,"Trigger warning: A small part of me dosnt want to get better I didn't know where else to ask this so sorry if it's in the wrong place. My psychologist has recently been doing schema therapy with me and we noticed that a small part of me dosnt want to get better. I think it's 90% subconscious but still pops into my thoughts sometimes. I've got two questions 1. How do i get rid of this 2. How do I talk about it without feeling like I'm mentally ill for attention... I think this part of me came from worrying that if I get better people will stop caring about me but I'm afraid to bring it up because I feel like it's attention seeking to have it so Im ashamed of it",2.5497292069632493,3.825731787234045,4.221856866537717,87.62454545454548,75.09929078014184,7.3967762733720175,26.293359123146356,8.00094639256281,1.4699730496453904,526,19,114,8,11,177,86,141,0.17600000000000002,0.727,0.09699999999999999,-0.8962,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,3,8,9,0,2,3,0,8,1,0,3,0,25,27,9,0,4,5,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,5,0,1,9,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,5,2,15,6,19,21,3,12,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,3,5,72,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990547064564276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470652802926104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686869149358772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892909631802107,0.14167530463028896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160802366830352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052105594694453,0.1985409512615197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903959225830094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113612218141676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500967505453765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636680011287304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577415028919926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003536224855334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582027755536019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4514287004660261,0.0,0.09633486735049653,0.0,0.14517985635797606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566296293274187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720267524015975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374314267612167,0.15555030654349009,0.0,0.0,0.11097075573715057,0.1161737674305026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168788591394996,0.0,0.0,0.15890874669658822,0.0,0.0,0.17807529291014862,0.0,0.1103158552476793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574020577380327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392016282183464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394900513520688,0.0,0.0,0.1411169632000175,0.0,0.0,0.1519270030871292,0.0,0.0 bpd,anon131366,2020/02/16,"I can’t learn to live with BPD:( There is such a negative stigma and the more I learn about this disorder the more it explains certain pieces of my behavior. I’ve hurt people around me due to my abandonment fear and my engulfment fear, my mood swings and my anger. I feel so guilty and I make the same mistakes again and again but I know no one would understand when I say I truly don’t want to hurt anyone- nor do I feel in control of my actions (sometimes) despite ofc we are ALL responsible for our actions- I just feel so out of control. I describe myself often as a tornado, I am destroying everything around me and it’s so bad I can’t stop. I AM on medication and in intensive therapy for not just BPD but PTSD and a panic disorder. But for some reason there are days I still can’t help it. I want healthy relationships where love is reciprocated properly, I want to believe others, I want to be happy about things, I want to be able to appreciate the life I have, I want to be in the moment, I want to stop feeling pain and guilt. I’m always questioning wether or not I have a shot in life. BPD is so hard to handle for me and it truly does cause s*icdal ideation some days. I feel so alone and guilty all the time.",4.115367647058825,4.955458302419356,5.325218216318785,82.86665085388995,70.81451612903227,9.061100569259963,28.7011385199241,9.325443323948027,2.291612618595825,961,35,202,20,17,320,130,248,0.245,0.598,0.157,-0.9809,0,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,2,0,0,2,20,16,2,4,10,0,18,5,0,5,3,59,36,23,0,9,8,0,6,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,7,16,0,5,12,0,0,2,9,12,0,1,0,7,35,3,29,32,8,22,0,3,0,1,8,9,0,5,11,144,42,2,0.1025593501608266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622055648494172,0.0,0.0,0.0853375951920512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171188225611683,0.0,0.0,0.1825991309761044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856327734773721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554926710225134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3875097338019208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535670388838203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300580640078404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228459266077175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350838012194196,0.0,0.08975037846100388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092173730859477,0.0,0.0,0.2308155642550499,0.25928544502495177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917633532956697,0.09187303303474996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687433705544841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195838110601962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563639366896698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488140411782402,0.0,0.0,0.09056178516640817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256381770451652,0.0,0.0684591626187574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033177554961627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949686992582044,0.0,0.1091303795429533,0.12033129976728335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110173997503698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988639202180212,0.0,0.114889943990052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544809320097824,0.0,0.11011036030739167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815593116787869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143381974485073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190402951974954,0.17148841807631227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728555504490035,0.0,0.0681358750710088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059803181839224374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676790046716728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4234451336219451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285521978274223,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lelchel,2020/02/16,".. I haven't had my lexapro in 4 days. I am crying. I can't stop thinking about a boy I haven't seen in 4 years. He's in my dreams too. Even when i'm unconscious and he's on the other side of the world, he's still making me feel suicidal. He always manifests when I'm sad. I can't fucking get rid of him.",-0.7524285714285703,0.8119720428571462,2.1328571428571443,97.58214285714287,85.71428571428572,5.7142857142857135,18.57142857142857,6.868970318607317,-0.11157142857142864,233,6,61,3,7,82,46,70,0.166,0.762,0.071,-0.7971,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,1,0,5,14,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,2,9,0,7,12,0,12,0,1,1,1,6,6,1,0,6,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953226940627571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898640394056785,0.2288946753166324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23442196517031025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945871566618055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32811873419562965,0.1854315673557093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369125154318269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28344035940939,0.2967298381966489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882259547584154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22741903796680835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285574796677906 bpd,ConnSchol,2020/02/16,DAE have mood swings that can change within minutes I feel like I’m weird cause I never see anyone experience it but sometimes my mood swings can be super drastic and change within minutes. Is it something else or is it normal. I know that my therapist and everyone says mood swings last hours or days and I do deal with that most of the time but sometimes my emotions change so quickly.,3.05337837837838,5.7912942702702725,3.1661486486486474,88.83814189189192,79.27027027027026,5.321621621621622,24.114864864864863,6.6274283507984215,0.8652486486486484,312,11,57,3,8,95,49,74,0.018000000000000002,0.887,0.095,0.775,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,1,14,11,8,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,7,2,4,10,1,8,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,3,7,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010171256360115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19114109370299706,0.5904996471135989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999721321968775,0.19182593353966426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554343142619365,0.2092992691245396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779409013504718,0.0,0.18200830598490866,0.0,0.0,0.09408058854203152,0.13292562754033813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832375849468088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225703829614577,0.15166866949568356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090247637211736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435056129483976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823052292555814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796719582707096,0.0,0.0,0.14827055652964433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324274022660885,0.3680481740401413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160370319847986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849661352142084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,zachary-phillips,2020/02/16,"How my therapist is teaching me to reclaim my inner world & love myself Every therapy session I am told that I need to love myself. After hearing this for the millionth time, my therapist and I were able to nut out how to actually go about this. The following seven steps have started me on the process of self love - something that I am tremendously grateful for. **Step one**: Recognise how the past has led to my current behaviours and thought patterns. \- If I see the links from my past to now, I will know I am not fundamentally 'broken'. **Step two:** Acknowledge that I am human. \- Like everyone I make mistakes, and I am also capable of healing and growth. **Step three:** Be nice to my inner child (be my own parent). \- Give myself the things that I lacked growing up. **Step four:** Relax my high standards \- Stop holding myself to standards that I wouldn't hold others to (impossible standards). **Step five:** Stop comparing myself to others. \- I should only compare myself to myself. Personal growth is all that matters. **Step six:** Work on living in the present moment. \- Being mindful and present will help manage thoughts of the past/worry of the future. **Step seven**: Forgive myself over and over again. \- For when I forget these lessons, for my mistakes and for everything that I would forgive others for as well. I went into depth on each of these points here if you would like to read more: [https://medium.com/the-abundance-mentality/the-7-steps-to-self-love-39e50a2b0492](https://medium.com/the-abundance-mentality/the-7-steps-to-self-love-39e50a2b0492)",4.403767040413001,7.496259948616602,3.400748568201984,79.87728966685489,97.73517786561266,4.594950391223684,23.345083487940634,6.39352644273079,1.217863176574978,1249,46,182,16,49,364,142,253,0.040999999999999995,0.7929999999999999,0.166,0.986,2,0,1,0,0,0,111.0,0,1,0,2,10,12,0,0,9,0,19,4,0,5,1,45,35,15,0,10,3,1,0,2,0,6,1,1,0,4,15,10,0,4,8,2,0,15,2,2,1,8,5,2,36,10,36,21,5,45,0,0,1,3,15,15,0,2,17,147,51,5,0.11232632212247314,0.0,0.10961428712476902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982731921895935,0.0,0.12170552309025795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463977098273188,0.10733261442680647,0.10095165548061726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775364346525056,0.0638376374233106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659992866045722,0.0,0.07528996598144279,0.1186789264654216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061731609051407274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097539343347057,0.0,0.09918620034776346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5068944561397366,0.0,0.07497869224493668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341756470867576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328854457215422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611522289825325,0.08542922959206989,0.0,0.0,0.12472508779300084,0.0,0.32168455336252805,0.0,0.09807901184912518,0.0,0.0,0.10618468148162644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235671922048927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950953579366064,0.0,0.35154255430298303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647429053746221,0.0,0.0,0.0795051489386936,0.0,0.0,0.18781966986829374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845493868308994,0.2608390350694251,0.07462461725158258,0.0,0.0,0.1783491055866154,0.06549838173396838,0.0,0.0,0.10733261442680647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972649506069178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099485343708343,0.10412762595679836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177490030520021,0.11407283256479987,0.0,0.15958679287236074,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,13thBaronettt,2020/02/16,"Friendships with other BPDs/mentally ill people First, let me say how much I value this sub and everyone that participates in it. For a bunch of strangers, you all have had a huge positive impact in my life! Thank you so much! Okay. I have a friend with the exact same diagnoses that I do (BPD/bipolar,) and we've been pretty close for 7-8 years now. We've recently reconnected after I told him about 10 months ago that I needed to walk away from the friendship because it wasn't feeling healthy for me anymore. The problem basically came down to the fact that I'm very motivated to improve/recover and return to work (I've been on disability for \~2 years, he for \~15) and he isn't. This whole issue came up again the other night, and I realized, after getting pretty pissed off about our text exchange, that I'm right back to where I was 10 months ago - feeling like this isn't a really healthy or productive friendship for me to be in. (I can give specifics if anyone wants to know them, I just didn't want to write a huge wall of text.) My question is this: What is your opinion about having friendships with other mentally ill people who might not be on your same path? On one hand, I relate to other mentally ill people on an important and fundamental level, and it feels good to know other people with struggles similar to mine. On the other hand, I can see how they could be negative or restrictive influences, as well as having the potential to be triggering. I would love to hear any thoughts or experiences that you guys have had or any advice! Thank you so much!",5.92774361646691,6.542482722772277,6.284919228764982,78.40683689421577,66.65676567656766,9.679277401424352,30.798853569567484,9.682069395223575,2.7672415841584166,1247,45,236,25,19,402,168,303,0.09,0.721,0.18899999999999997,0.9858,0,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,1,6,2,3,13,11,1,1,13,1,27,9,3,5,3,49,48,18,0,7,7,0,5,1,1,2,5,2,0,1,21,14,0,1,9,0,1,3,6,3,1,2,11,8,28,8,45,29,8,37,0,0,1,1,22,19,1,8,16,168,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752364134435824,0.19507644148882003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496533550314281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912384639912814,0.0769381094201568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338026707235468,0.0846091100947265,0.0,0.06707551173553357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858357156743456,0.0,0.0,0.25169843961765703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785294218879168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116818718451344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514189929959863,0.0,0.1076340555809258,0.0,0.0,0.16690900848874765,0.07860808497383905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935945943738864,0.0,0.0,0.0850117503763317,0.0,0.057488057787113835,0.10555433491386834,0.0,0.0922910326149291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895064543707528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240159575133738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148465771887106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209432688684088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251689566701116,0.07772004424003455,0.053756899397171126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930969472343028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326642161740297,0.11672834896578214,0.0,0.0,0.17565567164728665,0.0,0.24266225247430914,0.08158858156005627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325915741612317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456167115534186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051340044666765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22388762644914556,0.0,0.10528737406045102,0.0,0.0,0.12326290712064428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049039477134457,0.0,0.10864498719672316,0.0,0.0,0.09396816389229057,0.0,0.08750320098647163,0.0,0.0,0.08768259907792225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503109613022673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20260846325049636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735445325683817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514189929959863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078931196458144,0.1298014339726971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893349534591687,0.0,0.0,0.12284867731020585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010583156890587,0.0,0.0,0.07816477123630475,0.0,0.0,0.14171616824673836 bpd,LOTLx7,2020/02/16,"Took a massive step backwards today I had been doing pretty bad for a while & only recently started to feel better. Yesterday was the first day where I genuinely felt good in a long time. I feel like an idiot for getting my hopes up & thinking things were getting better because I massively fucked it up today. I lost my shit at my boyfriend today, not once but TWICE. I’ve got a pretty new diagnosis so I don’t really know all the best terms to describe it but I think I’ve seen it referred to as “descending into crisis” a few times, I usually call them episodes or meltdowns or something along those lines, but I was an absolute asshole to the person I care about most & I did it FUCKING twice. I’ve never done that shit twice in one day before so I am super stressed that I finally felt like things were looking up & then I lose it twice in one fucking day. I have never been so frustrated with myself as I am right now. My boyfriend handled it like an absolute champ & I am so incredibly grateful for him but I’m terrified that one day I’m just going to be too much for him & he’s going to end it. & it’s so discouraging that I’ve been working so hard to get this shit under control & it just blooooooowwws the fuck up right when it starts feeling better. Like it feels like all the effort I put into trying to fix these things is pointless & just gets me nowhere. Idk, anybody else just feel like they’re fucking absolutely everything up just when they think things are about to start going their way?",4.686463932107497,5.745618231023105,5.225261669024047,83.29891089108911,69.66006600660066,8.015652993870816,29.28005657708628,8.269060116576782,1.9916155586987268,1216,45,237,17,21,390,162,303,0.161,0.66,0.18,0.4238,0,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,3,12,18,30,10,1,13,0,19,8,3,1,4,36,54,18,0,1,12,0,8,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,22,4,0,2,12,0,0,6,4,15,0,8,16,10,29,15,31,37,7,51,0,3,2,5,8,16,8,4,34,155,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6299355829371789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053937353447034916,0.039378868130920106,0.0,0.05496887564203677,0.0,0.06779252271612599,0.17139733787507386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596266310100789,0.0,0.06586284750706425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245311933643253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664369353461347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610706649037174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396406203035725,0.0,0.05721541986716072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058057293930964364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331563400405402,0.13844832482593414,0.12405008048707718,0.07076489834251166,0.0,0.0549477610271252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986030458584494,0.13500096164020492,0.0,0.11013906989732546,0.054182462555622125,0.051665613049941626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05786789395949965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641612481674302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03550184644784805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893584526795561,0.0,0.0,0.057167962153857735,0.05424677642549011,0.07226960547303052,0.07051729141946263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047487598147664234,0.0,0.09964525318137156,0.06238998574313165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879568226811365,0.13132158697307986,0.049130347284645784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564052366677284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131440537536966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493970101123253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04138368665962437,0.0,0.06378358529374896,0.0,0.0,0.110334154408215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19892941787507898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04973136180187737,0.0,0.0,0.13717022605474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399778087144393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716664602530539,0.12417703168865594,0.0,0.0,0.0753362346011576,0.0,0.18369651020853014,0.0,0.0717717152081605,0.04385838852189485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114652263742187,0.0,0.0,0.051275571701998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04702874262528425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,furryauthor,2020/02/16,"How to Not Be Clingy/Obsessive? Hi everyone! Just wanna say that before I get into my post I wanna thank you all for helping me out since I've been using Reddit the past few years ~~(I remade my account I used when I was 17 or something to this one)~~ and offering so much advice to those who aren't me. You all ROCK! But down to business! I was hoping someone could help me out? I acquired a crush on someone who lives in Brazil (I'm in the United States, midwest) and is two hours ahead of me. Let's call him Carlos just in case. He's a real charmer!. We've been friends for a while but I never realized I loved him until recently. However, I'm afraid I'm gonna be super clingy towards him and drive him away like I do with all of my crushes. What should I do? Carlos said he thinks he loves me back too. IDK. Help?",0.8378947368421059,2.953664982456143,2.5372222222222227,93.7925,83.3859649122807,5.203508771929825,20.026315789473685,6.42735559955562,0.09954035087719283,636,18,139,6,18,209,115,171,0.068,0.759,0.172,0.9539,1,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,0,3,7,8,0,1,5,0,13,2,0,3,4,28,26,11,0,5,6,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,6,7,0,0,2,1,1,1,3,1,0,2,5,2,25,7,23,15,5,23,0,0,0,2,22,10,0,2,11,95,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16534440977743792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897293867651624,0.13010760420216047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439803324755739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277643126821432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509580490206596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616818874920211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307267640341961,0.0,0.08840222359675813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34024207480916896,0.0,0.0,0.1680579734494295,0.16663207742831276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730227833753296,0.0,0.08266463720126555,0.0,0.14941043010113228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054268373712345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438457381395696,0.0,0.13050072895883427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146571614861543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615245780369612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16205087459758966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925914508743854,0.0,0.0,0.16706875863502418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095196477203658,0.13455799059491044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996748292330494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28673238047373045,0.13026167850560108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578051651347274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841923482173718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528794089325552,0.0,0.0,0.292276245936217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089619729285076 bpd,Rini365,2020/02/16,"I believe in you Three years ago I was having a panic attack a day Three years ago I was in an emotionally abusive relationship Three years ago the therapist I was seeing didn’t diagnose me correctly Three years ago I thought I was trash and should die Three years ago I couldn’t eat because someone might think I’m too fat Three years ago I decided that enough was enough Three years ago I left my toxic surroundings Three years ago I started working on myself In the last three years I have improved upon every one of the aspects above. Today marks almost four months without a panic attack Today I’m in a validating, supportive relationship Today my therapist is working with me on how to overcome the “downs” of bpd Today I am happy to be in the life I’m living Today I nourish myself and am happy within my own body Today I want to share this with you Today I want you to do something for yourself Because today, you are worth it I have been through so much. I see it reflected back at me every day from this sub. And I want you to know that you are a beautiful person with wonderful interests and all of your emotions are valid. The people around you might not understand you, but fuck it. They don’t matter, YOU DO! Take a bath! Buy those shoes! Eat that damn cake! Lay in bed all day! You are beautiful and you deserve the world along with everything in it! -a letter to myself and all who need it ❤️",2.355585462664352,4.822512010791368,3.6414264450508536,86.0294604316547,79.97122302158273,6.424410816174648,22.89555941453734,7.6298220110432995,1.2014828578516497,1121,37,213,18,29,365,139,278,0.079,0.8109999999999999,0.11,0.4153,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,12,1,2,5,11,4,2,15,0,25,8,3,1,4,37,43,9,1,6,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,1,12,12,3,0,7,1,2,0,5,6,0,11,8,2,40,5,32,30,7,49,0,0,2,1,19,17,2,4,32,154,52,2,0.0,0.07866068233803199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.470802174152457,0.0,0.06647947818922971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910071606292085,0.0,0.1510552444767994,0.0,0.051049415144248426,0.0,0.08094082636648796,0.0,0.0,0.07479821387739721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374375018004406,0.08361523090359953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844717456020954,0.0,0.0,0.06738392867536336,0.06890180274507374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135866032374166,0.0,0.14935846722454393,0.0,0.13719616780199667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187200708892862,0.0,0.05966658731468905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06137600808377644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134568024745658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03648592411888914,0.05411629026851019,0.0,0.0,0.07213236851519758,0.0,0.04689285585201028,0.0,0.0,0.05862313059936245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085750195896032,0.0,0.0,0.05299145265991294,0.0,0.04880390954169656,0.04922696109705665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04498723246700617,0.0,0.0,0.15578750989694662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04602610892375169,0.057968736583600085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255492028523786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580764639278567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05625159427022558,0.0511098682063706,0.0,0.0,0.04699081841237096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533799958379601,0.0,0.0,0.04991662962293411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416661556419214,0.0,0.042539700596106365,0.0,0.05270583444282225,0.0,0.0,0.5034357441825914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911379409543858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747471309718872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399709336963581,0.07199656330860213,0.09666466995475936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847738587276392 bpd,R3e0ver,2020/02/16,"Someone I care about deeply Someone I love as a human being and care for deeply has BPD; unfortunately over the course of a year, it has torn us apart. What do I do when I care so much I can’t let go but can no longer bear the weight of such toxicity?",2.328333333333333,3.240340907407411,4.097222222222225,89.73250000000004,75.1111111111111,6.881481481481483,20.907407407407405,7.1686216300943375,0.15294074074074038,195,4,48,2,4,66,41,54,0.113,0.72,0.16699999999999998,0.4418,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,8,2,0,0,0,2,13,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,6,4,6,11,1,5,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,33,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282462081035442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6859791695266074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745865176282795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22933278556965694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20241376897206667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486534454118976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.380048998428234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697709794583069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731022464238607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442348160966634 bpd,whitlovescars,2020/02/16,How do you guys...? How do some of you deal with needing therapy but ultimately quitting because you don’t really want to change.,4.587500000000002,6.7229560833333375,5.8066666666666675,74.80500000000002,71.5,9.8,32.83333333333333,10.125756701596842,3.7997333333333336,102,5,18,3,2,34,19,24,0.0,0.9209999999999999,0.079,0.2238,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,7,5,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22591149432728966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920407562235127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820675477916268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669476755638886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747917668216898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941737874038493,0.0,0.0,0.23741287999863125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4238080967679602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21858674765102606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lmYourHuckleberry,2020/02/16,Anyone have those infographics about different names for emotions? Like the title says. I'm wanting to start using daylio and I can't think of what else to use for my emotions. I know there are multiple different infographics but was wondering what you guys use.,4.715531914893614,7.823700553191498,4.897276595744682,76.69400000000002,75.38297872340425,8.866382978723406,28.54893617021277,9.3871,3.2154034042553192,214,9,35,6,5,67,38,47,0.0,0.96,0.04,0.1901,2,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,3,0,10,13,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,6,12,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935733599720746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4463427861419507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17843927372875,0.4805529557856042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21150218377207305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739152795095235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435644111795493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698669890521594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511904688262538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686923305767718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5534574979436212,0.0,0.0,0.12598955532497375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316451283095965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,matchaboii,2020/02/16,"Went to a residential center And I only made it 6 days before I completely fell apart at the first sign of minor confrontation and left. I feel really weak and it sucks I put someone else above my recovery, but I couldn't handle it.",5.179057971014494,5.916817630434785,6.5508695652173925,75.40644927536233,68.34782608695652,10.481159420289854,26.20289855072464,10.504223727775694,2.7137333333333333,185,5,35,5,3,63,38,46,0.136,0.8640000000000001,0.0,-0.5418,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,8,5,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,3,0,1,2,1,6,0,3,2,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750822142700328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389464542772692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20848487292226006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700537986438981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345695887726486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749765498380157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512379560304764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058895090233779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458643106860405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249794822898405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20709748977075632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739088622989961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29967807390385937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,T4blespoon,2020/02/16,I feel like not leaving bed for a month. Everyday people fuck with me. I don’t know what it is. Maybe something about the way I look. Maybe I need to do steroids and look more intimidating. But people just won’t stop fucking with me. I feel the only option to living a stress free life is to stay inside. Forever.,0.3866666666666667,2.838528936507938,2.1241269841269848,92.30142857142859,92.96825396825398,4.704761904761905,18.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.01079682539682558,245,7,51,3,9,80,46,63,0.179,0.733,0.08900000000000001,-0.7089,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,1,4,0,5,3,0,0,0,12,13,2,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,3,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,4,7,3,7,12,1,5,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,4,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21174867620906326,0.14958891149660858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871570536287501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150757708248962,0.0,0.0,0.2217147452974368,0.0,0.0,0.14789899567206366,0.102297824313259,0.0,0.18489601414255166,0.0,0.3516712642594099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42072263628901263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167133830627397,0.0,0.0,0.15526071027150526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592512263546833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903305913377873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16119935626248902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22318285501587887,0.0,0.17506018082383618,0.239856585646106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662047619625238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MEfficiency,2020/02/16,"BPD Workbook Reccomendatuions? Does anyone have some workbook-type book reccomendations? I'm buying for a friend and would like something that is accessible and also somewhat easily reuseable. I've seen the bod toolbox, BPD workbook, and a couple others. I'd also really appreciate hearing why you like it or what about it makes it especially helpful.",6.557683615819213,9.991624118644069,7.045000000000003,62.0677259887006,70.52542372881356,8.679096045197742,33.56214689265537,9.2995712137729,4.091845197740113,289,14,37,7,6,94,47,59,0.0,0.737,0.263,0.9408,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,8,7,6,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,3,2,5,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,3,2,23,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38319771030991867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752586588102025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6035067146486558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26510014347697675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20966553089667997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18510549842189106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27003367800520384,0.0,0.1605911365509789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23410170035268935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599271994317045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534865427466644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844469501191359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21619137625311535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17019681249567062,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LindsayBriggs10,2020/02/16,"FP needs space. TW: So, about two weekends ago I had a breakdown. It consisted of me freaking out while/because my boyfriend was mad at me. I was hitting myself. My mom couldn’t stop me. Every time I woke up I just started crying and freaking out because I wanted to hear his voice. It just wasn’t a good time. After I cooled down. We talked. Everything was fine. Last Tuesday he told me he needs space to think more about everything but I’ve been co dependent of him. I completely respect that he needs space and I’d i was him, I would too. But to me, it seems like he’s the only person I have to talk to. Everytime im upset I just wanna talk to him. And I promised him I wouldn’t relapse. I’m 52 days clean and I just need healthy coping skills to help me deal with being upset. Me and him discussed some things I could do when I feel upset but I just need some advice from people who understand?",-0.2793474903474902,2.000989032432436,1.4019208494208506,96.77956081081079,96.5135135135135,4.156370656370656,18.49903474903475,5.985473137389443,-0.16477220077220125,701,22,151,7,28,226,108,185,0.106,0.759,0.135,0.8095,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,0,1,10,12,1,3,3,1,14,0,0,1,0,36,30,10,0,11,8,1,1,1,0,2,0,2,1,1,6,9,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,6,0,1,9,4,34,6,20,15,3,19,0,0,0,0,22,8,0,4,12,97,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233255936305433,0.12911453165735695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17758009562435662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271668847567565,0.0,0.0,0.11629381178840885,0.0,0.1599953794055991,0.09393554347057484,0.15016409827626176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272077397992748,0.0,0.2618109736845587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364763712093697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216865718183965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16416397746619354,0.0,0.09762959908103486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573325925101412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872841472120566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115976522890577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058959027704926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.540007364103905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077733036738496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097896439664827,0.12718048786812142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259900844279499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309548841708582,0.0,0.0,0.12177425523935967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512163570291212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676683166045537,0.09332996015488848,0.0,0.0,0.16986541741086786,0.0,0.0,0.13917976955111394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228394955023466,0.1516321826127486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591120090120476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346926315916344,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MandehM00,2020/02/16,"I know we are all meant to be talking about how much a certain BPD area of our lives affects us, but I just wanted to say that read all your posts and comments and relate so much. It almost feels like coming home. Its nice to not feel so alone in all of this.",4.949575757575758,4.073527109090911,5.076363636363637,91.32121212121216,68.81818181818181,7.333333333333332,25.60606060606061,3.1291,0.3392424242424239,201,4,47,0,3,63,46,55,0.057999999999999996,0.807,0.136,0.5659,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,3,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,4,19,8,6,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,4,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,6,3,7,6,5,4,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,1,33,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25503750759345944,0.2637843695977414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32077598482053793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21939482950074435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25756011802281514,0.18195220102311968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255477102540753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997220500195076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442977295209395,0.0,0.22489793125075225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744562318886386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439247810859277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547611827674923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025415072935005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047119905544743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063634286574607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022409345774926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kdobs191,2020/02/16,"Medication with DBT? I have been on this up and down journey for what feels like my whole life but have been on medication for anxiety and depression for the last few years. My doctor finally listened to my pleas for a referral to a psychiatrist to figure out what’s really going on with me. I have BPD. Like I suspected.. So now what? Where I live, there’s extremely limited info available. I’ve been on antidepressants for years now. Is this what people who have BPD are on? I suffer from extreme depression and then uncontrollable mania. Seems like antidepressants aren’t the best approach but maybe it’s just me... Would love if someone could shine a light on what life is like post-diagnosis for people? What kinds of medication and therapy is recommended?",4.237954779033918,7.0651459352518025,5.26056012332991,75.03088129496405,75.25899280575541,9.439054470709149,27.194758478931146,9.784248007369934,3.1757765673175733,611,24,106,19,14,200,83,139,0.142,0.695,0.163,0.514,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,6,11,0,1,5,0,14,7,0,0,0,19,19,9,0,3,4,0,1,4,0,1,6,1,0,0,10,7,0,1,5,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,3,4,10,7,22,14,3,20,0,3,1,1,3,10,0,2,11,78,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560642497021507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15859116959442532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38066082669928425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065706354406135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603189560503275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546777751534231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076410838163416,0.1079601942457828,0.0,0.1655446285922026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588500724089475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736827757701902,0.0,0.12318301085157153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21348112158532795,0.2953184931499629,0.0,0.13344177320625425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639174566329992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182040260514024,0.0,0.0,0.4567126566166269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095352304039669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447312349030098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681137397646757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375740182691001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804352835396526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281894794711428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872013953349954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735134800265199,0.0,0.0,0.1946327156650322 bpd,iiamtoks,2020/02/17,"When did you know? I know it’s in the rules not to ask for diagnoses, and i’d never want to come off as disrespectful or a hypochondriac or anything like that. I’m just more so curious when you all knew/found out you had BPD? Was it after your first therapy session, or something else, or did you know before hand? If so, what did you do next?",2.1989201877934264,3.81041483098592,3.6503521126760567,89.96782863849769,76.74647887323944,7.550234741784037,23.10093896713615,8.344100000000001,1.164237558685446,267,8,60,5,6,88,54,71,0.017,0.845,0.138,0.8682,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,6,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,0,6,2,1,0,2,16,13,11,0,2,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,1,7,1,8,8,2,10,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,5,7,43,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21115320076939104,0.0,0.2398787097487051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21834073575093751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231684086680397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22103112849740966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604352910885811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21434953635483991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182568668250946,0.0,0.2813396811709094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4230484533330397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535779989375034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19789942617155346,0.0,0.2728883063057994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19753691518867744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934351027397625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134450059751292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sarahterra90,2020/02/17,"BPD and your menstrual cycle. How do you cope with your BPD around this time? Hi, I was recently diagnosed with BPD in November on top of my bipolar. I was just wondering how you cope around your period? I feel like I'm pretty on top of my moods during the month even though it's still a struggle with therapy ect. But when I get my period it just gets way too much and I can't handle my emotions. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else gets this and how you cope with it?",2.5032575757575763,3.9616826969696985,4.135239898989898,87.4561931818182,75.56565656565657,8.586363636363638,22.476010101010104,9.188382445141503,1.5548070707070711,373,10,82,9,8,125,60,99,0.024,0.872,0.10300000000000001,0.7608,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,6,0,2,13,3,0,1,2,0,4,2,0,3,0,21,13,10,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,16,1,11,11,1,15,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,4,8,55,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106192818571246,0.16209776556605215,0.0,0.28166858965117714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5977537768806459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605728104456328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215838501130112,0.17795718740027608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044916516582124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999223788947092,0.11302032209400475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479637613543449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742785442158822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772900406703111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627620043041424,0.0,0.11629747730499765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094942182197816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620646974111102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634119537291355,0.0,0.0,0.16538822361327546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809190257333468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15543373679271047,0.0,0.09224949645303396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557425241367373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431290142961327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwupandaw4y,2020/02/17,"Saw a chance to lie and didn’t Hi! I know this may not seem like a big deal but I’ve had a huge lying problem all my life. I never felt bad about it or questioned it in any sense. It actually dramatically improved my life and I had never got caught. I’m a good liar. But over the past couple of months I’ve realized how so very wrong it is. At work I saw an opportunity to lie, but didn’t. It would’ve made me seem more interesting, but in my mind I realized it was wrong and decided to not say anything. Really proud of this. Small steps!",0.15385953177257505,2.2776562521739163,2.7382608695652166,91.18658862876256,86.47826086956522,6.321070234113712,18.411371237458194,7.61054688173877,0.3757290969899669,419,11,99,8,13,145,75,115,0.184,0.608,0.20800000000000002,0.5137,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,3,10,1,0,6,0,7,2,0,2,3,26,17,10,0,1,7,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,8,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,11,4,9,5,10,5,2,13,0,0,2,0,4,7,0,5,5,56,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.18201178550884115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683663114763422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348599557952847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15573227757544772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063753573250391,0.0,0.0,0.19228882863312968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908369926455972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643997636478962,0.14917312545748376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250379471967078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634821940872863,0.09112183310621508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648505182798974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18832703292768047,0.0,0.1488745349480337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877038125861213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780497216312765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17846971523496993,0.0,0.0,0.20893954407320792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948631822101867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832425541582586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395925964203681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389445123205964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578517914745167,0.0,0.0,0.1324949414726634,0.4078498592006017,0.0,0.0 bpd,shookspearedswhore,2020/02/17,"Is ""favourite person"" exclusive to BPD? I (22 F) was diagnosed with double depression, but sometimes I find my symptoms (at least in terms of abandonment issues, and black and white thinking) fit that of BPD. I am emotionally attached to my FP, I have a constant desire to see him, the thought that he is in my immediate surroundings just makes the sun shine brighter; I always fear that I am not good enough for him, and that I did something to displease him if his attitude to me is slightly off; I get jealous when he's close with someone else. Basically he is capable of making and breaking my day. Come to think of it, I have had multiple individuals who I consider my FPs during different stages of my life. My abandonment issues is especially destructive towards my interpersonal relationships. I tried to talk to my psychiatrist about my diagnosis, but she assured me that we are on the track.",10.876175958188156,8.642746042682926,10.671533101045297,60.281829268292704,58.085365853658544,14.493379790940766,45.98954703832753,13.023866798666859,6.013598606271777,717,37,122,21,7,238,108,164,0.154,0.748,0.098,-0.9246,1,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,0,0,3,8,2,1,4,0,13,3,0,2,1,24,21,8,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,7,9,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,4,4,29,2,23,17,4,16,0,3,4,0,13,9,0,1,4,89,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421310311711695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4302688081002045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714123915081329,0.0,0.1845893804990328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016097606582724,0.0,0.1471219509463049,0.17337273582180385,0.0,0.1784643990877521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269327856697375,0.1921428936388056,0.0,0.17649664707659002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19221337374281494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15612101078882018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924332741713535,0.0,0.0,0.14327077932985668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3565711239974027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206510642727328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280395025011225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914830065862195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18339043908957406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361167379714548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447302492550094,0.13150105451880614,0.16893953202596262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775412738603291,0.0,0.13729391903974994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21890158138208646,0.0,0.13560733086885246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597157469970895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SailorVeganx,2020/02/17,Are you good or bad at holding back your tears? I fucking suck. When someone says something hurtful I can only hold it back for about 5 minutes before I have a full on crying breakdown. I’m sick of being so easy to hurt.,1.1773333333333331,3.5164809555555583,2.6044444444444466,92.42000000000004,83.8888888888889,3.6,24.555555555555557,3.1291,0.17668888888888867,173,7,34,0,5,56,41,45,0.376,0.511,0.113,-0.9373,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,5,6,2,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,3,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,5,1,6,6,1,6,0,2,0,1,3,3,2,1,3,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4161511309993906,0.2259406402515917,0.0,0.0,0.23026163062797916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29724263448429505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501663839646261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269673889774088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.579368212019142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058043528623695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151928794418132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229279459029323,0.2083219699893788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,speiters,2020/02/17,"making threats/being manipulative first of all i’m not officially diagnosed with bpd, me and my psychiatrist are figuring out what i have and this is a possibility. second: when y’all get scared somebody’s gonna do something (especially leave) do you ever threaten to kill yourself? is this normal in bpd? it feels uncontrollable, it’s the only way i can get what i want sometimes. i’ve gotten better since i was hospitalized and i feel horrible about it. can anybody relate?",3.3135109717868296,6.410721333333331,5.2623615464994815,71.42106583072102,82.79310344827586,7.761337513061651,27.44932079414837,8.575989854853784,2.87556091954023,384,17,62,10,11,131,68,87,0.19,0.762,0.048,-0.9266,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,2,3,4,1,2,2,0,9,1,0,2,2,15,18,4,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,2,2,9,1,6,15,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,42,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19008060106067828,0.0,0.0,0.5413722103381572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181407981179168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19440880095285665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21734153581817733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18281211783908466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22457522605493968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377787961317349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275708359513153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346176993231569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21057743753585886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345748524388465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24229169834574696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21517391454312135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777852854766587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16545707057171818,0.2125628587166596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676626893806764,0.17059468267732836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MHanonymous,2020/02/17,"I'll never find someone to help me, will I? My therapist rejected me and I can't find anyone who works with bpd A couple months ago I started seeing a new therapist who I really liked and was excited about. I really thought this was it and I was going to get to do the serious work I need. She acted like she was comfortable with bpd and even knew what an fp is. Well, it didn't take long before she started getting frustrated with me I guess. I don't know what I did wrong exactly, but she decided that I wasn't willing to do any work. The truth is, I didn't know what she wanted or how to respond. She used words like ""anything"" and ""something"" a lot and that just doesn't work for my brain. She made me feel so stupid and broken and useless because I couldn't live up to the standards she set. Last week I was in a very severe crisis and very suicidal (it's not a borderline episode, it's a bipolar episode). I called her and asked for an impromptu appt because I desperately needed help and to be told what to do because I couldn't make the decision to go to the hospital by myself. She saw me, but took the opportunity to gut me completely. While I was sobbing she told me I wasn't willing to do anything, we're a bad fit, she can't deal with me, and I shouldn't have called her because she's not available for crisis. Keep in mind this was the only time I had *ever* reached out to her in a crisis. She told me I needed to be in more intensive services which I made clear are *not available to me* because of the cost and distance. She topped it off with telling me she's moving her practice so it doesn't matter anyways. She ended by telling me I needed to make up my mind and decide whether I wanted to take myself to the hospital. I couldn't do it because no one was supporting me. I said I would talk to a friend and she made me sign a safety contract (which research says are fucking pointless). She didn't even ask me specifically about my suicide plans. She just asked, ""do you have a plan, means and access?"" to which I said yes. I went away gutted and more hopeless and suicide, having been rejected by even my therapist who was mad and leaving and refused any real help. I ended up talking to a supportive friend who helped me stay safe. I live in a semi-rural community and there's a limited amount of therapists, let alone ones who treat bpd. But I've learned that I *have* to find someone who can treat bpd. There was one nearby who said she does, but she had little experience and turned out she didn't take my insurance. I found another one who sounded perfect, had a ton of experience and was nearby. I wrote an email asking if he was taking clients and if I would be a good fit. I just heard back from him and he's not taking new clients and idk, I just started to cry. I feel so hopeless. I try so hard. I work in mental health, I know what I need, I want to do hard work... Why can't I find someone? It's like the pattern of my whole life. Even therapists don't want me because I'm too broken. I hate all of this.",3.0107743837084686,4.33877338263666,4.299119774919614,87.32023378885319,74.016077170418,7.369828510182207,26.78469989281886,7.937092434478242,1.498241050375134,2372,86,503,34,48,782,252,622,0.182,0.6890000000000001,0.129,-0.9934,0,3,1,0,0,4,74.0,0,1,0,12,22,32,5,0,29,1,59,7,3,7,7,109,119,40,3,17,16,0,4,4,2,6,3,6,0,0,30,33,0,4,17,0,1,6,23,14,1,4,40,12,100,18,56,66,7,42,0,6,2,1,67,17,2,5,21,345,130,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04855440042429013,0.0,0.0,0.05672999265702215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449724702355567,0.057435970523617735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03829969158924028,0.0,0.09014969905685467,0.0,0.20482752253052408,0.0,0.051462563547826884,0.04211830582646383,0.04573452419504547,0.2337307223189781,0.0,0.04660917179582856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759468923980397,0.061146596900593375,0.1118620332206351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057430152505200366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06060708107393144,0.06016735388322985,0.0,0.0564702335474306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04793364372723378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702812010655652,0.0,0.0,0.14471249369811773,0.049546784498100335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716018795670076,0.0,0.0,0.05539139269873242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002520608241845,0.0,0.0,0.06005754944252194,0.08463747927816836,0.05063825847123857,0.05723496196890032,0.0,0.06225936368921515,0.04594235694435,0.0,0.0,0.06034042512327305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813461088727374,0.054078602466529416,0.0,0.0582228653260782,0.0,0.0,0.14685710697920096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04868620371628455,0.0,0.0,0.09030810476818933,0.04464863029835515,0.0,0.05799841937025579,0.0,0.05601076547243903,0.038688937733575096,0.10704046061033427,0.0548985643695924,0.096733995330282,0.04847381974116453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04656742767822642,0.0,0.15548722458606565,0.07312497545084055,0.0,0.0,0.05966562469270356,0.0,0.0,0.05519993918169477,0.0,0.11061351414242768,0.0,0.04372058334090935,0.058216758213571314,0.0,0.20307345309781355,0.042245567786524316,0.1058033488906621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846681475018375,0.041658570786330264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234551529275682,0.07018005511424719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630963579436122,0.04355898053787061,0.0,0.0,0.043648284676301344,0.0,0.0,0.06187973562147552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923108682077354,0.04216818260862505,0.0,0.0,0.11630928515060893,0.058382462583157685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797436494184963,0.12431519138302327,0.0,0.0,0.20591850722916008,0.08805153799422963,0.09575087361809284,0.0,0.0,0.31798780868575216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04348493411000155,0.03193952450330755,0.0,0.0,0.15701850539207254,0.060856624137682336,0.037188375083697586,0.059579063406138125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04730768961445502,0.0,0.0903896046848224,0.12922997267445213,0.0,0.043936900468085086,0.0,0.04924896632047282,0.05077662642455187,0.049425579693038985,0.061153913042400775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392594775237567,0.0,0.0,0.07782064451689487,0.05988745411020866,0.0,0.0 bpd,TalionTheRanger93,2020/02/17,"I'm struggling today. I got out of abusive relationship, I have serious issues around sex, sexuality, and starting a healthy sex life. I'm afraid if I don't seek support for this issue thing's will only get worse. I have been sucidal, and hospitalized over sexual issues in the past. I have just recently gotten out of a abusive relationship, I'm still a virgin, and I just want to have sex. Ever since I got out of this abusive relationship I have been doing whatever I can to try, and have sex with someone. I have probably been doing some really self destructive behaviors because of it, and maybe it's because I am feeling really lonely. I went to r/sexpositivity I talked about some struggles there, some people gave me some subreddit's, and other information to explore my sexuality I guess. Sex as a male for me at least seem so important, and it's on my mind all the time. This abusive relationship I got out of was the first time I have ever opened up myself in a sexual way to someone, and I just feel so rejected. Like I'm not good enough. Sex has caused so many problems in my life, and I want to build a health sex life because I know how bad BPD can be with sex. I joined no fap, and I had some pretty long streaks of a month a couple of time. One of those streaks is how I met one of those women, and I don't know I'll have to talk about that somewhere else. Can anyone give me advice on how to build a healthy sex life while having BPD?",5.153436426116841,5.464139824742272,6.448333333333338,77.62583333333336,68.2783505154639,9.628178694158077,29.91237113402061,9.586721724236666,2.5557298969072155,1143,40,230,23,18,388,144,291,0.175,0.764,0.061,-0.9885,0,3,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,1,16,12,1,3,12,0,27,15,0,4,3,48,50,20,0,4,5,0,2,1,0,1,5,0,0,3,11,19,0,0,7,0,0,2,4,9,0,3,12,2,30,3,37,36,8,31,0,2,0,10,13,14,0,8,15,156,41,0,0.0,0.4165159534995476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587990336036926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06145101969316141,0.0,0.0,0.07823600804042233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338004642723167,0.16072107660248586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213753847013027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902817870869552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724273951243764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341638260168122,0.0,0.0,0.09080837934217804,0.0,0.0,0.15899346984720633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887428128840874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475467366418459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04591612398357181,0.08430700419305234,0.0,0.07371350953986898,0.210868248551664,0.0,0.09681489585638556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341731735381023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751863541892549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659825609180868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24830222656323786,0.042936021022546816,0.0,0.0,0.07777518637653723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910128309770653,0.08829198508195953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873848527027975,0.0,0.07014872225847127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910588282070632,0.06684026809497656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389588236342971,0.06092817934717301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941032633677606,0.09475456172171454,0.08409378064513458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260236753719258,0.0,0.0867755303334759,0.3774210748229786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000692239153209,0.09168290013697064,0.0,0.0,0.07269912495516256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489288277633245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220523695892743,0.0,0.07018482812920583,0.0,0.0,0.1837523226629371,0.0,0.0,0.09973050639373084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127677197318878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838668389494415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373881102956655,0.0,0.08330441142153959,0.0,0.0,0.059667936602053065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103673336079754,0.06975877738922134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146998946707006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956200880204403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Falentines,2020/02/17,"[Single Mom] Not EMOTIONALLY ready to have a job again? So I split from my babies father a week ago, we still live together and hes willing to at least until November when my mat leave ends... the employment rate is SO low here and I have only had one job for 6 months, people with degrees and years of experience are struggling to get hired... I live in Canada so I can get social assistance once we split up and honestly it would be better as I would make WAY less money if I went to work, all my money would go to bills and daycare as my baby would barely be one years old... so.expensive.lol. I WANT to get a job, I WANT to be a successful functional person, but I dont feel emotionally ready to handle this, I'm going to therapy and trying to get into weekly group therapy or 2 days a week, but its hard to make the arrangements as my ex works nights... How do I learn these life skills, how do I thrive as a single mother to my son?",5.228311004784692,4.9844149315789466,6.486363636363637,79.32318181818184,68.10526315789474,9.856459330143544,26.74641148325359,9.573946990214177,2.0687368421052628,727,18,151,14,11,247,119,190,0.063,0.884,0.053,-0.2168,4,0,0,0,1,0,27.0,2,0,0,5,9,5,0,1,8,0,18,1,0,4,1,28,31,21,0,7,5,5,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,4,10,0,0,2,0,3,3,2,2,0,2,2,2,20,3,25,21,5,24,0,1,0,0,11,5,0,2,15,101,24,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592637424023484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568488061003632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706531096383366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004892473735875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26883479752243744,0.10583836760850933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689043705580207,0.0,0.0,0.0604209849305283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497278083207628,0.0,0.13582514870894136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704532882631264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557453013203569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652946430952905,0.0,0.0,0.08440386167910825,0.0,0.0,0.2110350720340172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952958842508386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399527733185672,0.09538090950565473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213930363619476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253914006940126,0.1272597968637811,0.16194774566319345,0.0908824189129228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284377781314779,0.10433967254534554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181156074909208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543000249948666,0.0,0.0,0.12492361296895145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733091613860013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811302312886004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096417965158586,0.09485070317988477,0.2875584821109264,0.0,0.0,0.110774386797143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398964690627586,0.0,0.0,0.3395473383536649,0.0,0.0,0.15390356476700864 bpd,gyllenhell,2020/02/17,"Separation and reconnection with FP. Advice needed. I have been separated from my FP for 2 weeks. He’s been very busy and we haven’t been able to meet up. It CRUSHED me when he told me we’d be spending less time together because of his new busy schedule but deep down I knew it was for the best. He is everything to me and I know I’m not everything to him. However, after a few days I was able to calm myself down. I came up with the idea to plan a bunch of fun activities with other friends in hopes of distracting myself from my FP. Surprisingly, it was a great help and I found myself thinking about him way less than usual. It’s been a freeing couple of weeks realising that I can have fun without him. I’ve felt really good about myself! That was until he sent me a text. About an hour ago he sent me a text out of the blue asking how everything is going and if I’m okay. I immediately burst into tears and all my feelings came flooding back. Now he’s back in my head again and nothing else matters but him. I’m fighting with a part of me that desperately wants to run back to him, give him everything I have and drop plans with everyone else, and a part of me that knows I shouldn’t do that. I don’t know how to handle this. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this?",2.2895635828702154,4.032961499999999,3.914419745014712,87.59705622752537,76.85714285714286,7.3328538738149724,22.84341288002615,8.18289091462,1.1140802876757103,1013,30,221,18,23,338,139,266,0.063,0.765,0.172,0.9889,1,0,0,0,2,0,22.0,2,0,0,3,12,13,1,1,12,1,21,1,1,3,1,43,43,17,0,5,5,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,12,20,0,0,9,0,2,6,5,2,0,0,16,3,35,12,42,24,8,35,0,0,1,0,26,10,0,2,17,151,47,0,0.24108124871172815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779090303579062,0.10685199048638036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197175807612579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428480725873645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268921198454075,0.0,0.0,0.2780648988028917,0.0,0.0734804457897094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649994849594334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757327237487467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337590813044595,0.0,0.07773873063248582,0.12427209078984215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548591268274964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139244842848308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518173222700027,0.4333365626668937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06094896151483933,0.0,0.1157379026758073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321665728665312,0.09312938736339346,0.0,0.0,0.11563355066284885,0.06850601468121592,0.10110375669851243,0.0,0.1328964638981267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370945656008515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079583961842499,0.0,0.0,0.11972403833682226,0.11870823393080356,0.0,0.0,0.13607569264254635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19873792420895053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937934559516797,0.0,0.11641888613906712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566198006806833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610674991586177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722141058145736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723756487015201,0.0,0.0,0.07028820742392737,0.0,0.0,0.11518173222700027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275846787684847,0.09945863912901497,0.07109798334497525,0.09567953690945727,0.19338083591979632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619686037684175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,likeathiefinthanight,2020/02/17,"How do you tell people that you have BPD? I (22F) have BPD and CPTSD. I recently met a boy and I like him and spending time with him but feel like I’m lying by not sharing my diagnoses with him. I am careful to limit my time with him because I’m afraid that if he’s around me too long he may see me have an episode. I feel like I need to say something to get ahead of it but I am nervous...he has mentioned “crazy” exes and how his sister has struggled with mental health over the years and the toll it has taken on him. I don’t want to add more crazy to his life and right now he sees me as this fun-loving and kind person and that’s just not all true. So if any of you have specific advice, or wouldn’t mind sharing how you told people about your diagnoses, I would greatly appreciate it",4.183928571428574,3.9275038214285733,5.009619047619047,89.06871428571432,70.30952380952381,7.910476190476192,26.323809523809523,7.1686216300943375,0.9811623809523812,614,16,142,5,10,200,99,168,0.128,0.759,0.113,-0.5725,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,5,0,2,9,11,0,2,4,0,14,4,0,3,2,36,27,18,0,6,8,1,2,3,0,3,4,1,0,2,7,14,0,1,2,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,3,5,26,9,18,21,2,11,0,0,2,0,25,4,0,4,10,93,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370207601115307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696266915244106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002154618384602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588259171993638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962027770755467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036775094796804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31929230336300163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906121226879852,0.22473617337875146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217759106046271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341290260315584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671920327206527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379344609805538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109865698385564,0.2305320095365644,0.0,0.0,0.13919679855793354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585114368067739,0.0,0.15881817368720058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662862425226007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180903165189609,0.13733965791748162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553050089408797,0.0,0.0,0.13432489533111566,0.0,0.12508340938871634,0.0,0.0,0.2506797080126492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108961190740128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443377530742512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747848981091695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18343425717481024,0.0,0.0,0.15029744153053518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277378268344416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173438194378342,0.0,0.0,0.10128967449172258 bpd,rachelway82,2020/02/17,"I got a job!! 2 years ago I had a breakdown, was hospitalized, lost my job, and spent the next year and a half spiralling in a haze of alcohol, anxiety, and depression, rarely leaving my house. About 6 months ago I started spending more time out of bed, taking better care of myself and drinking a lot less. I've been to 4 job interviews in the past month, and today I finally got offered a job. I'm going back to work! A year ago I couldn't even have gone to a job interview, now I'm actually going to be working again! I know it's not a big deal, I'm just feeling really proud of myself and wanted to tell someone. It's just a waitressing job, nothing fancy, but I'm happy.",5.01318345323741,4.6621002014388475,6.6366097122302135,78.42815197841728,68.568345323741,9.827697841726616,31.76348920863309,9.516144504307137,2.747653956834532,524,20,108,10,8,182,88,139,0.043,0.845,0.111,0.8543,6,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,5,7,6,0,0,12,0,6,2,0,0,0,16,23,7,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,7,2,0,2,1,2,3,2,2,0,1,8,1,10,4,13,13,3,24,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,1,17,61,12,10,0.0,0.0,0.1106121006554622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014306780066537,0.1211354203968196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671153948026868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871582484170431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024782290476103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556667953099525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685765956433357,0.0976271753098322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103869436481184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486582868953731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057312570748853424,0.0,0.0,0.1241680953426034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883749667115324,0.0,0.1813108170118092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206619299836558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078932344079305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6748873019510662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062293548889713585,0.0,0.0,0.12002003746533435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373363022290758,0.09636511607196123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809478984964645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054775936203972,0.0,0.0,0.10876125287203944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820427740817436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726141585890432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604009004619167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022888044716481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522420859325745,0.0,0.09907186750744132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609461032101625,0.0,0.1074414308408314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685607267594867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503858650019482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21897877751459568 bpd,mwingfie,2020/02/17,"Considering taking a break from working to focus on mental and physical health So like the title says I'm considering taking a break from work. By break I mean resigning and being unemployed for a couple months before applying to new jobs. I don't think I can do a leave of absence at my job and even if I can don't think I could just return to this job after having had such a long break. Currently, I work as a Jr Accountant and I do not like the stress of my job or my coworker. He is one of my anger triggers I am coming to realize. I've also gained at least 50 pounds maybe more in the last couple years and am at my highest weight. I've been overweight before and at one point lost it all (sadly, just for me to gain it back). I keep thinking back to the time when I lost all the weight and basically I was pretty depressed but really productive. I kind of cut off contact with the outside world and started running and actually got pretty good at it. I ate healthier and when I wasn't running I slept. That's kind of what I am wanting to do. I want to put all my time into running, sleeping, and eating healthier. I feel like work makes that hard right now because I'm so down after coming home that I have no motivation to run. It's also hard making healthy meals when most of your time is spent at work. I should also note though that I've started 4 new jobs in the last 2 years. I'm currently on the 4th and have only been with the company almost 6 months. I know that's not great and I should be lasting longer but I really don't need to hear that right now and it's something I'm working on in therapy. I also want to note that I have no intention of quitting until I have enough saved up.",4.165668231225297,4.666164042613637,5.497445652173912,82.90733695652175,70.50568181818181,8.621739130434783,27.23616600790514,8.716276077567194,1.8396824110671937,1341,42,280,22,23,451,171,352,0.084,0.809,0.10800000000000001,0.8812,9,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,0,12,18,16,2,1,15,0,28,9,2,5,3,53,58,30,0,8,8,0,5,3,0,2,2,2,1,0,14,19,6,1,8,0,2,7,8,8,0,2,11,7,34,8,45,42,7,59,0,5,0,0,5,20,0,4,31,185,48,13,0.0,0.0,0.07787918491081695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991422318495256,0.0,0.0,0.2552834520753102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273184045417775,0.0,0.048649022519508416,0.0,0.13581812763591086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374916774852981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371863072471272,0.17660773525428589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873682710319011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166150464882957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246097496915387,0.0,0.0527111381256107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04035233277927828,0.057013452408471686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693752172529223,0.06382818227264497,0.08798644313407851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298107640030056,0.0,0.0,0.08483009083303927,0.08994720955144613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005196719390434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3959759124540681,0.07093527706748587,0.0,0.16621142388489188,0.043859313619259536,0.1951577275990127,0.0,0.08450307548068775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696760300524855,0.0,0.0,0.07062583589175515,0.0,0.0,0.17423544459808818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654230558591456,0.0,0.08017589593121073,0.08693217576883905,0.0,0.0,0.08042571983594997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740084278956335,0.0,0.0,0.05917516898417075,0.0,0.15415434548898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815727902100523,0.060696091200378416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544250535873029,0.0,0.0,0.16238287117224826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802271148678589,0.0,0.08488354927274434,0.0,0.0,0.10225158821482384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630784776826835,0.0,0.06346496784257545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986367704988237,0.0,0.0,0.06143859016419177,0.0,0.0,0.11297425468836407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914175515670011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200084233204476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126516428484316,0.0,0.0,0.15340946801575786,0.07840903114690552,0.0,0.13960663476138302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121501396739206,0.0,0.0,0.19436451876282085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485984947208529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278494911223618 bpd,anythingisvalid,2020/02/17,"Please read PLEASE! And respond with your thoughts. Thank you. Hey Im self diagnosed bpd.. a quiet bpd with a bad spilt personality. Sometimes i feel good most of the time i don’t. I really don’t talk to people i don’t personally know, i just have trouble having confidence talking but I’m very very talkative to the people I’m comfortable around and don’t judge me. I have times where i just delete people out of my life and delete all social medias (keeping them deleted its better for my peace of mind and anxiety). I really cant get therapy help being that I’m very poor and scared to talk about the bad things i did in the past to people and talk about the bad things that’s happened to me. I really feel empty a-lot and sometimes feel like committing suicide but will never do that. I got two horrible tattoos i hate and i think I’m a little ocd so that makes like 10x worse but when i save up enough money i can get them fixed (lasered) hopefully also they left me with permanent scars. I think my life is mainly karma idk i don’t think i live in reality most of the time. All relationships failed mainly because sometimes i love them the other times i don’t talk to them cant trust them and hate them. I talk bad about the people i love the most because thats all i really know because i been talked bad about my whole life. I think once i get a stable place to stay i will feel better hopefully. Im 18 and i dropped out of school 4 times due to not having clothes and really anti social and i know if someone tries to talk about me i could potentially hurt or kill them but today i signed up for online classes again and gonna finish this time around. I ran thru two McDonalds, two government jobs, and little caesars and also one Wendy’s but I’m at another Wendy’s and gonna try to keep this job even though i go thru my up and downs with bpd. Also i have a porn and weed addiction I’m trying desperately to get over. I seen a-lot in my life because i stay in the hood and I’m from the streets so i have that mentality I’m also trying to break out of. I overall just wanna better myself and i know we all can if we take it step by step and actually put time into loving our bpd and selves. Thank you for reading.",2.9592801932367148,4.3549263869565245,4.374202898550728,86.46033816425123,74.26086956521739,7.545893719806764,23.21256038647343,8.167268648758528,1.1411183574879231,1758,48,373,28,36,584,205,460,0.17800000000000002,0.68,0.14300000000000002,-0.9748,3,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,3,3,8,4,21,28,3,1,16,0,24,10,0,1,6,78,69,38,2,6,12,0,4,2,0,4,6,1,0,3,13,34,0,2,13,2,2,5,10,12,0,4,6,6,64,16,51,57,11,45,1,2,1,4,34,22,0,8,16,229,77,8,0.0,0.0,0.055969014841179617,0.06252408475554898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18346318511515508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060140437962860775,0.04387548388751293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211404588724383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394400486348603,0.1398493251577451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521742699407485,0.0,0.0,0.28894030712834223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045792325545972117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05821287831346419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05926178525304111,0.0,0.03788163005848319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599917563523215,0.04097355111832239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985992917737626,0.0,0.032595474277036615,0.048105628624193625,0.04587105636755321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05071775728277552,0.0,0.0,0.113249965382553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03844302904247127,0.0,0.0,0.11393048712906295,0.0,0.0,0.06139840655000451,0.0,0.12390384637704782,0.0,0.11382955148424086,0.10195734789725236,0.06345345870265161,0.0,0.12608054784812406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062315048608502774,0.0,0.1620426808080686,0.05604031865540394,0.11496710770690152,0.05064443755388685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752026368983448,0.1552920741415972,0.0,0.03828409278666777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577991193958378,0.0,0.057910966981930274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04423477004931203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107990272203859,0.0388644049218051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054750671691887534,0.19880944393497527,0.10015821502435347,0.059922491838963525,0.1259144524691891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576563890318856,0.0,0.0,0.1147385993287518,0.0,0.18371149700922149,0.0,0.0,0.061576494504573275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742113814381275,0.05804508623639425,0.0,0.0,0.05983249980510943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692990974892517,0.04859567075655289,0.0,0.1701730616445196,0.0,0.0,0.12226299432539918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273572524048754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04312290397992969,0.3687903597693328,0.0,0.10560730780760964,0.06558904462329072,0.0,0.07620660444960176,0.14699994274437345,0.056349796585173785,0.045532493981036884,0.23410414799471466,0.0,0.054364676212223406,0.0,0.0,0.1557578043355984,0.0,0.16807892451644008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196862254115875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403344593960261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584484005871083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,VeryVeryTinyBirdShhh,2020/02/17,"Riding the manic wave For the past month, I’ve been slipping in and out of depression. Now I seem to be pulling towards a manic stage. I feel very disconnected from my body and agitated, like I am boiling on the inside. I’m handling it better by avoiding people who I will use to enable self-destructive habits, hiding the booze from myself and not buying drugs to handle this instead of self-medicating, and sexting instead of having unprotected sex with strangers. I’m also currently trying to reframe the narrative and not pass judgment on whether any of that should be considered an accomplishment for a 30 year old. Anyways, I still have all this pent up energy and frustration. I meditated, did yoga, and masturbated all to try to get myself down to a more manageable headspace but to no avail. Any suggestions?",8.760405405405404,8.74138328378379,8.687162162162165,65.73047297297299,60.75675675675675,11.724324324324325,38.770270270270274,11.20814326018867,4.619213513513513,658,30,105,16,8,214,105,148,0.099,0.8640000000000001,0.037000000000000005,-0.7906,1,1,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,6,5,1,1,9,0,9,5,1,1,2,20,15,10,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,9,2,1,2,1,1,3,3,3,0,0,2,1,9,2,25,9,3,18,0,1,0,1,2,7,0,1,8,78,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356806761185814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951914247932342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19195563373133046,0.0,0.24108425921993445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869375888970904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251699318684212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974274074081047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339526389642328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603554943479217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24108425921993445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173240512969742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22774862067065266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20719074031223028,0.15046929872114706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975864966601804,0.4528433915519921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733296806604124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947139623355695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18745423299402533,0.0,0.17908202825919947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976765710400252 bpd,little_blue_moon,2020/02/17,"Anyone here who's always been single and wanting a relationship so bad at the same time? I've never been in a real realtionship and never been with someone who I really felt a connection with. I didn't really opened up to noone but also rarely felt really attracted to a guy I was seeing. I had numbers of crushes though, and fall in love easily. I've never had much experience with the guys. I don't have a good body image, lots of avoidant tendencies and have lots of other issues. What kills me it's that... I really wanted a caring relationship since I was a teen, I really, really want someone to love and FEEL loved and cared for... someone to hug me when I need it, someone I can cry into, someone to feel at home and safe. I've wanted this all my life and I'm 23. I feel like I'm missing out on so so much. It kills me when a friend tells me about these lovely caring things her boyfriend does. I always wanted that as well. I'm really happy for her when I hear this but I also simultaneously become so self-conscious, anxious, so so lonely, sad and can get me spiraling into a depressive episode. I hate this. I constantly think I need a special someone, love and safety that comes with it. I feel so ugly all the time because of it and that something must be wrong with me since I didn't come to this by now.",3.8610902255639097,4.919977063909776,5.529398496240606,80.35507518796994,71.59398496240601,8.457142857142857,24.90225563909775,8.841846274778883,1.7418526315789475,1033,29,205,19,19,353,133,266,0.182,0.583,0.235,0.9661,0,4,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,0,17,27,3,1,13,0,16,8,1,0,6,50,48,27,2,8,2,0,6,1,1,1,1,1,1,2,19,22,0,2,7,0,0,3,6,10,1,0,11,8,28,17,29,35,8,24,0,4,1,6,16,10,0,2,12,145,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275668258363063,0.1327321073101762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010520685876157,0.0,0.0557694954352324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659561036895305,0.04862047525917869,0.0880877831500461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859450396301805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439594965302107,0.0,0.0,0.1374109973296224,0.0,0.08619137305494498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761174903777758,0.0,0.0,0.06869649231338486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979782379738603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801981380404653,0.0,0.0,0.16131461607544498,0.0569799968982906,0.15316270262438686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162176924134101,0.0,0.04167089626326157,0.0,0.0,0.06689824276839741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579483189582178,0.0,0.08490516415469401,0.0,0.07874570912336383,0.0,0.0,0.08989442850315335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000499267665735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324789510099205,0.0,0.0,0.17648350125288992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05633629010560413,0.03896632212744945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561685943502286,0.3599290136119243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726439587751455,0.11828088995616942,0.18454566358632934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078344462448408,0.3576705543376417,0.0,0.0,0.17126308899836698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355776540233488,0.0,0.08320625282067802,0.0,0.0,0.13195528853961466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4054783283463824,0.06140253798190989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971306670605057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05298847630546009,0.051106482432015286,0.07836302070500085,0.0,0.09301647569878184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23522024826133944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171311016956429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720417737163356,0.0,0.0 bpd,artsydrunkprincess,2020/02/17,"I’m so sad There’s probably no point to me posting this...but I don’t want anyone else to know how I feel. Lost my FP, unhappy with parts of my life and trying to make healthier changes to fix that, constantly splitting on everyone I love and going between feeling like a burden to everyone and feeling like I’m better than them. I truly feel I’m a mess and it’s catching up to me. I could cry for hours but that won’t help. I wish I didn’t always feel so lonely and empty, I want to know what it’s like to feel whole. I wish I didn’t put so much into people and count on them for acceptance and love, I wish I didn’t need so many negative things to fill the void in myself. I want to be better, it’s just hard for me to find any sense of consistency. I’m consistent in my inconsistency, that’s the problem. I just want to be happy but I truly feel like my brain is broken. Thank you for reading. Hope you’re all OK",0.6135786802030481,2.565834152284268,2.9865253807106638,91.1946104060914,83.11167512690355,6.173502538071066,20.002284263959393,7.365786028017652,0.4800925888324872,716,20,162,11,20,246,105,197,0.149,0.541,0.31,0.9886,0,2,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,2,3,8,19,0,0,4,1,9,4,1,2,1,38,37,14,0,11,4,0,8,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,9,0,0,11,1,0,4,7,6,0,0,4,8,26,13,27,29,4,14,0,3,0,2,6,7,0,1,6,97,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377850308663407,0.0,0.0,0.07664237765377893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880504432271601,0.11547825465496125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19935451964449194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258145974284618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922556576797988,0.0,0.0,0.12179265601782086,0.0,0.08998473000241061,0.0,0.12379971725100047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414947569344914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153864215516755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989046233681453,0.24154662756234602,0.0,0.0,0.10300913580592956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405210735967208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997517948156165,0.10096037382630917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554291134196142,0.0,0.0,0.11194019959807013,0.11099043754909517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238780070830819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796059531129416,0.22024533077679165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302939705928236,0.0,0.20343897070870784,0.0,0.07523059184528694,0.1142638576021389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285018398038102,0.08356836208381402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204711923502068,0.0,0.07813455167922444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654142121697906,0.0,0.10793898602469193,0.0,0.12151364572214292,0.10784221554165807,0.0,0.11329834285746435,0.0,0.0,0.11273419463144806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376242051529866,0.0,0.0,0.07487532729598502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765184111191092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659022384215389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258296510452268,0.38881106287654815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Trustmeimignorant,2020/02/17,"I'm Letting Him Leave and Not Panicking Slight improvement of my behavior I believe. I have today off paid because of family day in Alberta. So I wanted to enjoy the day. We have a lot going on in our lives and lately I've been feeling guilty any time I sit down and relax. Fiance always seems to find another thing that I didn't do right or forgot to do. Or maybe I am splitting. Who knows. Either way I wake up this morning and start cuddling fiance and not even a good morning just ""can you rub my back please"" . I get it, he's sore from his accident. But a hello would be nice. After that I get out of bed. He says to me. ""what are your plans for the day?"" I've never been one to make plans for the day. Ever since we met he's been trying to ""cure"" my introversion. I'll admit it helps my depression to a degrees but god dammit I'm an adult and if I want to relax for a day I fucking will! And not to mention I work 40 hours a week while he doesn't have a job just PT online college. So I just responded with: ""nothing. I'm going to ENJOY my day OFF."" Just like that. All monotone. Because fuck you guy. And then I'm texting my mom and she is sending me old pics of me when I was a kid. I happily go to show fiance and he makes comments about home my mother is just manipulating again. Fair I guess but I was just trying to show you a good memory. I commented sarcastically as I left the room. He immediately went into one of his moods and said ILL SEE YOU LATER. and proceeded to leave the house. Normally I would be screaming no and crying and begging him to stay but honestly? I locked the door behind him. And I am going to ENJOY my day OFF! 😎",-0.17649275362319014,2.086912742028989,2.44927536231884,91.15768115942028,91.14492753623188,5.269565217391305,18.391304347826086,6.841164205622888,0.2475043478260868,1276,37,276,19,45,440,193,345,0.11900000000000001,0.746,0.135,0.7831,1,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,3,5,0,3,14,15,2,0,16,0,24,6,1,3,3,56,52,28,0,6,17,2,2,1,0,3,2,3,4,3,9,20,0,1,5,4,1,6,7,4,0,2,11,6,47,10,39,35,3,46,0,1,1,3,37,13,2,6,25,182,56,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918371485241525,0.0,0.0,0.0728871940723049,0.11238930021031264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241606914144026,0.0,0.13067387203822572,0.0,0.0,0.12075701061719896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773400426239565,0.4838630591401728,0.0,0.09231539385600247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079246572377887,0.09695193424341768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104131606301492,0.0,0.054194260202543865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796208184750918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817540755618332,0.11199597159420288,0.0,0.2436551956127545,0.17979775739541776,0.0,0.0,0.11807266582548333,0.10612667970734507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184159740765794,0.0,0.10751192907637272,0.0,0.1055523303094194,0.12367322794374574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636124434667348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058904229095962574,0.0,0.1209055641585475,0.2269797726721416,0.11645317099297188,0.10960049387696598,0.0,0.05236353783400497,0.0,0.0946433562678942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112200179847428,0.0,0.0,0.14308916074530018,0.0,0.10767836867908152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552984732067576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266509222756899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050152553642608,0.1028436791630027,0.0,0.11246910662224686,0.0,0.14525811318332246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176532602582304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153253927113347,0.1019542888245924,0.08523514612698753,0.0,0.0,0.08540989427753873,0.0975741442233621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866176439800208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586372005131903,0.11424137268783037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120672242845959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249847918040832,0.0,0.10159566711877296,0.0,0.0,0.14553860284807946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643702250236366,0.0850758009727132,0.0859746505891759,0.0,0.0,0.09935845879977308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802951414834704,0.0,0.0,0.1522775309520167,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,isavampire,2020/02/17,Just got diagnosed. How did you cope? Just got diagnosed with BPD. I’m really struggling and feeling all my emotions are even more heightened since then. How did you get through your diagnosis and learning to accept yourself?,4.570769230769232,7.9960250512820545,4.093025641025643,79.6103076923077,80.53846153846155,7.222564102564102,33.44102564102564,8.238735603445708,3.391724102564103,183,10,28,4,5,55,32,39,0.07200000000000001,0.8170000000000001,0.11,0.1607,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,2,1,11,8,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,4,1,3,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,20,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536453765061868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5699922028401421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158511362415969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854592522288669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419759415002887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670126921097973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4491470826224132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988136629060442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322725216367517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935428409066399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_mike-wazowski_,2020/02/17,Do I have bpd? How can I be sure if I have bpd?,-6.223846153846152,-5.426917615384613,-1.254999999999999,115.63750000000002,109.76923076923076,2.6,6.5,3.1291,-3.0582000000000003,33,0,13,0,2,13,9,13,0.0,0.772,0.228,0.3939,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,3,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9365869262201256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504353430142817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HelpfulCarpet,2020/02/17,"Thoughts on how to approach the topic of BPD with somebody who just started therapy and is showing all the signs? I've been with my wife for 18 years. I've recently managed to convince her to seek therapy for her long-time depression. (This would be the third time she's done that in our time together.) What I've also come to realize is that she exhibits practically all of the diagnostic criteria for BPD. I would like for her to talk to her therapist about being evaluated for it, but I am worried about how to approach this because of how she typically reacts to bad news (or rather, how she reacts to *perceiving* that she is the bad news.) The revelation that she might have BPD is no where near a deal-breaker for me because she's too awesome to lose. But when it's bad, it's bad... which is why I want her to get the right help. I can't stand seeing her hurt. Regular therapy alone might not be enough so I don't want it to just stall out like it has in the past. What is a supportive and compassionate way I can approach this subject with her? I'm reaching out to this community because I'm hoping your perspective could be insightful. Thank you.",4.1571981424148605,5.5641085175438585,5.218658410732715,81.53521671826627,71.28070175438596,9.048916408668733,30.517027863777088,9.478462496947786,2.7436312693498457,914,39,183,21,17,301,123,228,0.139,0.725,0.13699999999999998,-0.5514,0,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,2,0,1,14,14,0,0,10,0,23,0,0,6,2,38,35,12,0,7,7,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,17,8,0,0,4,1,0,4,4,7,0,1,3,1,25,7,33,23,3,21,0,3,1,0,22,8,0,4,9,131,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203373018049844,0.0,0.09291671717422592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880535838768739,0.2124841588986752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4390098991385123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008698336578856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276787730103997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978629326605338,0.1000738633308145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890221911038988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005483358724645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060704228659862275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787938609302578,0.0,0.0,0.1154024099543278,0.0,0.0,0.12438328425997985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352866103549468,0.0,0.0,0.10282406893826523,0.0,0.12998635276347115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465174389069505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109160439681863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472313380216564,0.0,0.0,0.0992252152401582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092588004340448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223954028756203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318504903997332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338873500359143,0.0,0.10697169947127996,0.39861852644701934,0.13490498803858514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922415003929563,0.1355020869789045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706317853762734,0.09222583280729067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484296968565383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799609754411115,0.0,0.16507540275044966,0.0,0.0,0.07482224146366849 bpd,blepbler,2020/02/17,"Just got back from the hospital and am not sure if I should take more time off work. TW: Suicide I took way too much paracetamol on Friday and went to the hospital, I honestly forgot how much it hurts so I chickened out. I've handed in my notice at work and have another job, but only handed my notice on last week and have three weeks left to work. They said they weren't happy about my sick days and they were a problem so I'm honestly kind of paranoid they'll try to sue me for not working my notice. I was off for a month with depression even gave them a sick note for it and they agreed. I took a day off five months later and two days off four months later and all I heard was your sick days are too high, your sick days are too high! I don't know if they actually will sue me because I only worked there a year and a half and didn't get paid well at all. I don't know what to do. I genuinely don't feel like I'm not suicidal atm but taking time off is stressing me out and going to work is stressing me out even more.",3.118493150684934,3.7052750045662117,4.220894977168953,90.80504109589045,72.9269406392694,7.666484018264841,22.819178082191787,7.793537801064563,0.7235172602739728,802,18,187,10,15,262,116,219,0.213,0.73,0.057,-0.9893,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,2,7,6,13,12,0,2,8,0,19,6,2,1,3,33,37,18,2,4,8,0,3,1,0,3,4,2,0,0,3,15,0,1,3,0,2,4,8,5,1,5,14,5,28,7,25,20,6,38,0,2,0,0,12,16,0,2,18,123,31,7,0.0,0.0,0.09809444037956913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540551094010793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772947946225548,0.0,0.06127694639497189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32414011500506656,0.0,0.0865789825083045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278694691330228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05082666833925294,0.07181254804503526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05251831173888545,0.0,0.05712865979838564,0.0,0.08039619094178012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700695879317408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212412873939002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761029737276367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997520340780454,0.0,0.0,0.10467762746458348,0.11048792639111732,0.08193840282439221,0.0,0.0,0.109216855751751,0.0,0.0,0.04910970572551456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407058007535441,0.0,0.14778967218895514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34333303073589816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290219347689762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618545739624673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561892356284477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302939757806796,0.0,0.0,0.21990831451062684,0.0,0.09474028238500176,0.0,0.15115924929022534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722973839437008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233660719177649,0.06824747002608188,0.0,0.0981948558908059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978925265471958,0.16126449682116276,0.0,0.09038086082565652,0.09318439652541556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4390849017739615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473252175246431 bpd,kefka2589,2020/02/17,"I can't help but feel like I've truly been bamboozled. I work in an accounting firm and I always pack my lunch partly because I just can't afford to eat out. So, management would basically tell me to go to wherever with like six different orders and I'd have to bring it all back even though none of it was mine and no one gave me gas money. Now bear in mind I did this for like 8 months. I eventually went into a full blown rage one day when they sent me and neglected to give me one persons money. I went back to the office, flew off the handle and told them to never tell me to do it again because I wouldn't. Fast forward to now. It's tax season so we're all super busy right now and one of the ladies at work went to the store and brought in some groceries so we could make lunches instead of having to leave to get something. She bought really expensive stuff from the deli, super good quality grub. Everyone thanked her, and she told us, ""You all don't owe me anything. This is my treat."" The first day I thanked her for the kind gesture and made a plate, because I have honestly had to get better at accepting gifts anyhow. The next day one of the women I work with passive aggressively told me that I needed to give the lady who bought the food some money, even though she specifically said you all don't owe me anything. I can't afford to chip in on food I never asked for, that I couldn't afford to buy even if I wanted to, then be passive aggressively shamed for not giving someone money when they offered it to me as a gift. On top of the fact that I've run all over creation getting their lunches and no one ever gave me gas money and I never really raised a stink about it until that day I finally went full blown borderline explosion. So it was kinda nice to finally get a small kick back, and then someone makes a stink about me not giving her money. For a brief moment I was having a positive experience and then one person made me feel bad. So now I passive aggressively won't touch anything they brought. I honestly hope half of it spoils. For whatever reason that'd make me feel better. (Even though I truly have a disdain for food being wasted.)",4.839223460026211,5.3734648555045865,5.69294888597641,81.981376146789,69.02293577981652,8.705635648754916,27.49803407601573,8.738905477910976,1.8937034076015724,1711,52,344,27,28,562,205,436,0.099,0.703,0.198,0.9945,6,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,2,2,5,9,27,26,4,1,22,0,26,7,0,6,10,56,68,30,0,8,5,0,4,3,0,3,0,1,0,3,17,18,7,1,5,0,15,13,16,9,0,10,24,7,53,17,51,36,11,61,0,1,0,0,35,18,0,6,34,239,70,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151987411795513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18252670888038344,0.0,0.06911927968471017,0.0,0.0,0.17055444059271924,0.06173266814987539,0.13521033809144548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077906502777756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05903111139631195,0.0,0.0,0.1907279311051802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724637804951116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565400139469552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195333580218478,0.06687847439431696,0.0,0.07064809686893182,0.0,0.07232265382052372,0.0,0.0,0.1121513295704315,0.0528192056535753,0.0,0.16198443960835782,0.0,0.06288910523570834,0.2682076229260837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451202241564502,0.2837009005013897,0.042018985716977125,0.062013201737341525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04955709723760442,0.0,0.0,0.07343417479856916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699196425829123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828652947020663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836277434449768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991824055398655,0.14805663519279244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465331149313433,0.0,0.059014241652386425,0.0,0.0,0.05482189357288511,0.17106977690506472,0.0,0.07863075129092079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.350702064648598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080064440833111,0.0,0.0,0.12911444609692754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472935663725844,0.07601753254357968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314011815918898,0.07032915173643613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528983490601076,0.05691880410430952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846379292800251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924496340921227,0.13613889832253695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179223972392139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21194429060679548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893474688408258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0436088007831164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741540824143202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16147676386329088,0.0,0.0,0.05252132943028768,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jbriscool,2020/02/17,FP spending less and less time with me We used to hang out everyday for like 6 months but ever since December I see him maybe like once every week. My whole life is just waiting until i see him again and I feel so empty in between when I see him. He’s leaving to go to college soon as well and I don’t know how I’ll deal with that and I get this pain in my chest just thinking about it.,1.3757815126050446,2.653361200000002,2.8892436974789923,95.97588235294121,78.17647058823529,5.798319327731093,21.55462184873949,6.1826913282559595,0.02293277310924413,302,8,73,2,7,99,64,85,0.09699999999999999,0.8140000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.4043,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,2,1,18,12,10,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,8,0,1,3,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,4,13,3,13,12,3,14,0,0,3,0,6,3,0,0,11,48,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22590882808112905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19821161199471224,0.18462273305840607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079646589244192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448405975514662,0.0,0.12453410411605555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120425675810684,0.0,0.0,0.2320223262311706,0.0,0.0,0.15477486162253354,0.21410735793605665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22014107505328825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749039294706009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333615673248133,0.0,0.0,0.2331650427523321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5238440972991192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18126292560085264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040680938702332,0.0,0.0,0.12777387477865346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18925412644257786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17576930483075595,0.0,0.1970201921747007,0.0,0.0,0.2446458595992937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thenepenthe,2020/02/17,"Told my boss about my depression and BPD Several days later he tells me that I need to watch my tone and attitude. The fucking shit starts. I asked my coworkers if they noticed me sounding annoyed or bitchy or giving attitude and they said no and asked me why. I said my boss told me blah blah blah and my 23 year old white dude coworker said he was shocked he didn’t get told the same thing because he was definitely giving attitude. (We’re in the middle of a stressful move to a new building.) And that’s just the beauty of it. If I’m not acting perfectly nice and sweet, men police me. I can’t shake the anger at his talking to me and I want to just up and quit because I’ve been down this road before. But I don’t have that luxury - plus I like everyone else, I don’t want to fuck them over. If a dude is snippy, he can let it go. If I am snippy, I need to be talked to about it. So wonderful!",1.84593253968254,3.3783476772486765,3.5639649470899464,90.55007440476193,77.51851851851852,7.264682539682537,22.92361111111111,8.07648339933343,1.0360817460317464,697,21,158,12,16,233,111,189,0.19399999999999998,0.693,0.113,-0.9432,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,3,2,5,13,5,2,8,0,13,3,1,2,1,29,34,18,0,8,10,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,1,8,10,0,0,1,0,0,4,6,9,0,0,10,7,26,4,17,22,1,17,0,1,2,2,23,7,3,7,7,94,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522942513192023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645117019689444,0.0,0.11482076195189292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699474117572479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702268166592007,0.0,0.11622034553886793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272187484232205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289373152322976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494926726891501,0.07049859169719158,0.25888618420605064,0.07668734824071143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379813998246115,0.0,0.06592300814096498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341581879491,0.0,0.20010695507771095,0.0,0.13032221630008725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362575038811332,0.14159283612518975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435212511661892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38506565962920014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243949033386175,0.13851006330568846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550853210875353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154568953488123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21691320171533998,0.11794018047079725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964561098265554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868119456968928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15917772573284492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175892644324247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633254560787254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689448440852343 bpd,Ok-Marsupial,2020/02/17,"When I have intrusive thoughts I shout ""NO"" or ""STOP"" without knowing I'm doing it to stop the thoughts - Anyone else? Hi all, I'm undiagnosed but my dr has suggested I may have BPD, just wondering if anyone else does this weird thing? Often my mind wanders and I start thinking about embarrassing past experiences, my physical appearence or otherwise uncomfortable thoughts and it's like my body goes on autopilot and I shout something like ""NO!"" or ""STOP!"" which snaps me out of the thought I'm having. Sometimes it's an abrupt hissing or ""chchchchch"" noise instead. I don't realise it's happening until I've already shouted. It recently happened in front of my partner and while she didn't acknowledge it, I'm really embarrassed. In a way, I find this weird thing helps as I used to dwell a lot on intrusive thoughts and get myself really down about them. I guess this is a subconscious way of stopping myself thinking about it, but doubt it' s healthy. Can anyone relate? I'm scared one day I'll do it in front of people at work",4.208408126137055,6.489783170103098,4.7358459672528825,81.43453305033354,72.96907216494843,8.276046088538509,31.514857489387524,9.007467420416297,2.9242841722255912,821,39,149,18,17,261,117,194,0.136,0.787,0.077,-0.8919,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,1,1,7,9,0,5,6,0,11,2,1,1,1,39,32,16,0,1,9,0,0,2,1,1,1,3,0,1,15,6,0,4,11,0,0,3,5,7,0,1,6,3,19,2,20,25,2,25,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,12,14,93,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316554742255334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502614254804281,0.24448310274483245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325203959529298,0.15025983191778655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694152788177741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440416541124824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19932718941855532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167026864533493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090421448096224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062331673247203165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142734905370804,0.0,0.21100113750960744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996728652699224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556662902468154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165722975166619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142841319888247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046352758995567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084381177792979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138896377258258,0.0827107132991837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285902579017693,0.0,0.1177987933941072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944460988178933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184642705685413,0.11799519374213545,0.0,0.08444433388532484,0.0,0.0,0.3989755915008615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852120722687768,0.15289100304640166,0.0,0.4735722032266869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030407761161992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18939670604187112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500527342960915,0.1293806329839738,0.08685509148767524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tookiebawaabaa531,2020/02/17,"I don't know what to do anymore. Very scared to start new medication. So I've been seeing my therapist for a while now and take 300mg of Buproprion (Wellbutrin) daily. My mood swings and thought processes are getting worse or at the very least I'm not handling them well. So my NP prescribed me Aripiprazole (abilify) after getting home and reading up on the abilify I decided not to start taking it because people went from feeling every emotion ever every 2 seconds to feeling nothing at all,and that sounds absolutely terrifying. I don't want to be an emotionless zombie I just don't want to feel as intense I guess. So my therapist is really wanting me to start taking it. Does anyone else have any experience taking an antipsychotic for BPD?",5.286886854153039,7.323010546762592,6.401491170699806,71.67383911052978,69.431654676259,9.371092217135383,34.21909744931328,9.800150414767053,3.8432676258992817,602,30,97,15,11,201,96,139,0.109,0.835,0.055999999999999994,-0.8105,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,1,5,0,9,1,0,0,1,18,30,9,0,3,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,6,1,0,1,5,1,1,1,3,5,12,1,17,26,1,13,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,2,8,63,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936441795373151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656644131842335,0.09628659685297006,0.14109513225718406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394374135081029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734347332748783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050664738393545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503492813086975,0.15489968541316496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456213265356493,0.232044945648274,0.0,0.0,0.13470199613009484,0.0,0.0,0.20888348482442148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438904461189656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516976755346417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812942749371726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567911311687328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387233852778171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329964286604246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213174246033513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546736687332084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377423494055893,0.0,0.08821740324148103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378668123847265,0.0,0.10973312357249884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924051026222888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4141483436009639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197724333392391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932245524932542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272422326354161,0.2436660798801513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381340864000752,0.12765399289711807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033324553317786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BigDesprosso,2020/02/17,"My ex-best friend[19F] humiliated me[18M] in front of her friends. She has BPD, could it have something to with it? I want to start off by saying I don't hate her, I still love her and probably always will. I fucked up as much as her. Here's what happened: We started being friends over the summer, we saw each other every day. I developed feelings for her over the winter. I decided to tell her and I cried, she didn't feel the same way but was very supportive. The next day she starts crying because she didn't feel like I appreciated our friendship enough. I told her I would do everything I could to prove her wrong. &#x200B; She leaves for uni again(only half an hour from where I live) she texts me that she needed some space. I start to have anxiety attacks about her cutting me off, or even her being hurt somehow. I let her know that my anxiety has really gotten worst. But she has her own BPD, anxiety, and depression and she has to deal with that. &#x200B; One night, she was supposed to call me around 7 but she never did. I thought she was dead and I tried to calm myself down but it didn't work. I knew I was probably tripping, but I kept checking her active status on messenger, just to reassure myself that she was ok. (yes I know very creepy). Turns out she was. For some reason, I felt so angry that she just forgot, because I was here panicking. I don't tell her though, I don't want to freak her out. I just tell her that her not calling me made me sad. We fight over it. She tells me that I'm out of her life. I get the biggest anxiety attack of my life. The next 5 days are hell. I drop like 3 apology letters on her because I just can't lose her. She ends up taking one of the letters, sending it to her friends who added comments making fun of me. &#x200B; NOTE: there were plenty of moments like this where my anxiety started messing with her life. The problem is I was looking at the outside world as a way to stop my anxiety attacks. That's entitlement on my part, I did not even think of how my actions could negatively impact her life. &#x200B; It's been a week since then. I've messaged her telling her that I realized I was entitled. That my anxiety negatively affected her life. She still doesn't want to be friends. But I'm hoping we will one day reconnect. **I guess the reason why I'm writing this is is to ask if anyone who has BPD could explain to me what could've happened on her side?**",2.1828670869451017,4.361241870370371,3.326305052097016,89.63206067769899,78.8559670781893,6.440696961737152,24.949479029857287,7.53845456269673,1.2125405481131248,1903,71,394,28,47,613,226,486,0.20199999999999999,0.69,0.107,-0.9953,0,0,1,0,1,0,82.0,5,0,0,2,19,31,8,0,13,2,44,7,0,6,2,71,86,20,1,12,14,0,4,3,4,3,5,1,0,0,23,17,0,3,15,0,1,4,13,17,0,4,25,7,101,14,52,50,9,54,1,4,2,2,78,24,2,7,26,282,124,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048414128159083886,0.25217133354361504,0.28280192887567823,0.0,0.0,0.3115766451925245,0.0,0.0,0.04068392424538537,0.0,0.0,0.051796501348082884,0.05439461170715333,0.1985796542426236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640611234413706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06106099650741805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21984385513743854,0.0,0.1188256692584342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322777666152676,0.0,0.12782578479657009,0.15009664165336956,0.0599856189026941,0.05011418639150544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051534157643142536,0.060120096370256414,0.0,0.07686056841028226,0.0,0.04902291335882717,0.0,0.052292436981482775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882594270694357,0.04156698674106783,0.05586620196363154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22476583050610927,0.053790591675179064,0.03039897660147768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409673767031722,0.0,0.10290464394564504,0.0,0.0,0.057445103987800415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05779029298951156,0.0572999684476789,0.0,0.06228766317121756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395331033884911,0.0,0.0,0.061608937359549726,0.0,0.05949754801803502,0.20548700871646147,0.08527795805838981,0.0,0.05137794032623855,0.0,0.048860288615098536,0.06509352286327443,0.0,0.0,0.0525137428955575,0.0550555387758602,0.03883857595505346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04277226969089398,0.04314303661077678,0.044875439154008614,0.0,0.12375965734080167,0.054602170102964254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828187891884445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300809543347728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254653683613302,0.05567466607320505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037274452186543565,0.11964662202805325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04627061448470782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04813078297398514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04479323659349886,0.0,0.0,0.20591628590866853,0.0,0.09293236288158012,0.048644810249577286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602703075288427,0.0,0.0,0.04374746950279641,0.0,0.25427889410226645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03728224979418919,0.057165932256000425,0.046191958518117415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05559774081217722,0.0,0.03950342605733085,0.06328797965849145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601653895826033,0.10295609834618752,0.09236822526053598,0.04667206068893747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05250242120959445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04235897668560524,0.0,0.0,0.041332567899082885,0.06361556830272773,0.28280192887567823,0.0 bpd,CrochetSprinkles937,2020/02/17,"Unexpectedly triggered by online forums I was reading a post on another message board entitled “tell us about your worst relationship” and make the mistake of reading it. I recognize in the horror stories of others so many things that I put my significant others through. To see the pain and hurt with which they describe those experiences is so hard. It’s even worse to see how dismissively and coldly they talk about those ex partners. I have made lots of progress and can take accountable for ruining past relationships and hurting others, but somehow the relationships and people still feel special to me because, for however horrible I was, I did love them. I know logically that they don’t feel the same warmth toward me, but I don’t always think about that so consciously. This was just a reminder that, if asked the same question, my exes would talk about me and what a nightmare it was to be with me. No matter how far I get from those experiences and how much I improve myself, it still kills me when I’m reminded that I managed to be so shitty to the people I cared about most.",11.573910891089106,8.46796597029703,10.613935643564355,63.93892326732674,57.61386138613861,13.664356435643567,43.56683168316832,11.698219412168324,4.986156435643566,874,37,152,18,8,280,123,202,0.163,0.7170000000000001,0.12,-0.8228,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,1,4,1,18,10,1,0,10,0,13,2,0,6,0,35,27,19,1,3,4,1,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,19,10,0,0,7,2,1,1,3,7,0,0,6,6,26,3,24,18,6,10,0,3,2,1,18,4,0,5,4,123,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182533273876982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092226269217067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256388534636313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192442558105824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702211884836613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876498414603932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629233217390645,0.0,0.0,0.13590578032569622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702145386612833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038928992210288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877399190895034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868539835948544,0.0,0.07385860781059798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425570450613735,0.1212944856377033,0.12716544068485214,0.0897080427639373,0.13625290952416305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879395688919757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300310404617184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829285585684735,0.1863416871103628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871087328559566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351015901488935,0.15055036629650526,0.0,0.2688577533393297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4328617762774789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141868582750624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21465206121826907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104644077353896,0.2160392147037912,0.11746497571121572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928441074670118,0.08611329268980951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165763998935467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369574472763267,0.0954685818791413,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Wenteltevert,2020/02/17,"Cycle of fun and shame I am stuck in an endless cycle of having a big fun night drinking with friends, then spending a few days being deeply embarrassed thinking they all hate me (because i was drunk and annoying), then getting over it by pushing the memories far away and acting like the night ever happened. Next weekend coming up: knowing im seeing friends and going to get loose, getting insanely excited, rinse and repeat. My friends are getting very annoyed with me apologising and asking for reassurance after every time i see them. They say it makes them feel like they just make me unhappy, which makes sense. But now I do not get the reassurance anymore and the feeling that I’ve ruined everything is worse... Of course a simple way of dealing with this would be to stop getting drunk with them. But I’m finding that very hard, and the people I hang out with don’t really hang out with people who don’t drink (much).... I want to get out of this cycle but find it so hard!! I feel so happy and fulfilled being with my friends on a friday or saturday night, and dont have a worry on my mind. Then I am alone again and feel like this was the final drop in the bucket and theyre all done with me. Anyone have experience with this....?",7.782182705718268,6.749685820083684,7.63105648535565,75.82544107391911,63.18410041841005,10.142398884239887,34.56101813110182,9.075114841892004,2.9168239888424,977,35,182,13,12,313,136,239,0.11199999999999999,0.72,0.168,0.9473,0,1,2,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,6,0,7,19,3,2,13,0,18,4,0,3,3,49,44,21,0,2,6,0,6,3,4,1,0,1,0,0,11,25,4,1,8,5,1,6,4,6,0,0,4,9,21,13,30,36,4,38,0,1,2,0,16,12,0,1,21,123,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044174428605368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575330818418628,0.07456170090319961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968936979609276,0.0,0.10018713236957123,0.0,0.0,0.06500373198205521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918566467541412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877078053011737,0.10993604619208552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912467107925533,0.12497547529668347,0.2089234899673551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645750065257704,0.08984462219568064,0.0,0.09583670007337072,0.10430953294416156,0.0,0.0,0.21567152546861987,0.15236019092658235,0.0,0.11681347646409687,0.1949249934510812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295438763748397,0.0,0.3899868584987555,0.0,0.06060315189486973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429701566086916,0.11351498530574752,0.1910481051310712,0.10528002746385512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518414425460392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058603830452708124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628948584296118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135391561345288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076709944011214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838902561139154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134075771411603,0.3002092903816647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147854623332344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683131385876306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480046558456962,0.0,0.0,0.1699486451157947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915167009075539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832742931547503,0.0,0.0,0.062179750650396076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597015510071545,0.06289611071560257,0.08464193305561757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082930615549101,0.10867021810104947,0.07575047447892562,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jane-Doe-26,2020/02/17,"How have you improved your black and white, all-or-nothing thinking? Hey guys, so I believe I have only been officially diagnosed with complex PTSD, but I can definitely identify with many borderline traits and one area I struggle with is the black and white, or all or nothing, thought patterns. It sneaks up on me and I don’t often realize I am even doing it until my therapist or someone points it out exasperatedly. Do you have any tips or insights to share on how to live more in the gray area? I’m especially interested in any books that have proven helpful. Thanks all!",6.3453968253968265,7.325311740740743,6.816031746031747,73.67500000000003,65.85185185185185,9.875132275132275,35.7989417989418,9.957137785484203,3.625305291005292,460,22,83,10,7,150,74,108,0.026000000000000002,0.794,0.18,0.9561,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,11,1,0,2,2,23,15,13,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,5,11,3,12,13,3,10,0,0,5,0,7,9,0,5,1,58,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30526234317769946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528741055635398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278082565055604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824465560253344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22223711128868331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044161489146687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19819018325687604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22755330653831884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4307245309947074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209061262505488,0.1707015150190482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121742884406308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623656983036149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901726104171702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346399914364627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20663998554021965,0.0,0.26059943812598,0.0,0.14381611781283218,0.0,0.17818528079500265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Titus-Faux-Gina,2020/02/17,"How do u know if you’re over your ex? i feel, it’s especially hard for borderlines to know for sure. I wasted one whole relationship unaware if i was over my previous ex or not. and now in my new relationship, im wondering if i am over my new ex.",0.8437735849056622,2.5975948867924537,4.12890566037736,84.34015094339625,81.26415094339623,8.768301886792452,23.807547169811322,9.3871,2.0244898113207555,191,7,45,6,5,70,37,53,0.134,0.82,0.046,-0.5256,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,12,7,6,0,3,5,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,8,1,7,6,1,7,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,5,3,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824479867231312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22720593945839185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273967875139338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27878085144540593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4899219361079532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17186873121889054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5446152593717086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23904672168408397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831729221470289,0.0,0.0,0.275054883561577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,demliha,2020/02/17,"DAE have a diagnosis of PCOS and BPD with symptoms worsening around menstruation? * Trigger warning* I am diagnosed with BPD, Bipolar and PTSD but something just doesn't sit right with me. I can be fine for months when missing periods and then around menstruation I become almost suicidal and lose my mind completely. I did have trauma in childhood, enough to explain my conditions but as an adult this has been centered around hormones. This began at puberty. I am aware of the condition PMDD and believe I may have an extreme version of that instead of what I am diagnosed with( but there's more) I develop all of the BPD symptoms before and during menstruation, I tried taking hormonal contraceptives to treat my PCOS but every single one has made me suicidal and so depressed I can't cope. It is the hormones that have made me feel this way and they've greatly aggravated any mood I've been in whilst on them. I recently had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and this also made me suicidal - not because I was grieving for a baby, I don't want kids and I didn't know I was pregnant- It was the hormones causing my mood, I was actually incredibly happy and stable prior to this. In addition to this I have some other strange symptoms such as unexplained rashes, possibly an overactive immune system? I'm diagnosed with CSU but feel as though there are serious issues with how my brain/body responds to hormone fluctuations. I know that PCOS is linked to BPD as I've been reading many studies. TLDR; Does anyone else have issues with hormone imbalances/immunological symptoms that they also feel may actually be causing their mental health condition? I'd love to hear from you just for some support really because no one takes me seriously ( including doctor's) when I insist on the link between the conditions.",7.720884146341463,8.54967468597561,8.002341463414638,66.89997560975614,62.8109756097561,11.316097560975606,38.351219512195115,11.10651602901591,4.721927560975611,1459,72,230,39,20,478,179,328,0.141,0.773,0.086,-0.9602,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,3,1,16,15,0,0,12,0,32,13,1,7,1,53,50,28,4,1,8,0,3,0,0,2,11,1,0,2,14,22,0,0,8,1,0,0,6,7,0,2,14,4,33,6,38,32,7,26,0,4,0,1,10,12,0,5,11,169,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.16616620832648582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085254124534088,0.0,0.0,0.13617079880980698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05789724554315653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05953096890864343,0.08723467446242249,0.0,0.2273745196798939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379954053337484,0.09402902140340777,0.07244677546736687,0.09592217650505083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945699189088806,0.4289169230908245,0.09504296269532396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492182511947493,0.0,0.0,0.08926632255613813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332985023668316,0.2592420098665682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714308215611481,0.07450546299452718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112247139052978,0.0,0.0,0.08797105132276749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173303915751153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914607688960145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386573354912646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063174497152043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049847248568008,0.09595751918710528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772539687839176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358002208498084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524844413619213,0.0,0.0,0.07684101407564001,0.2416809313191637,0.0,0.08631729368032101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579979960224174,0.0,0.08596583155174269,0.0,0.06795690982186982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538439300829148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959811085242024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952260143625748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516175446920161,0.0,0.05454204075349325,0.0,0.08406420957873997,0.0,0.0,0.07270799718414579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554394209569278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27938380600601753,0.09661440452922478,0.0,0.35396689451894114,0.12802743565712935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364835494333082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057803598645492026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05021701981217085,0.06757914886683092,0.06829314146337798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jello_Jonny,2020/02/17,"Desperately lonely, in need of someone to talk to. I don't know what to do anymore, I feel so defeated. I woke up feeling very anxious and I've just been getting worse. I've been crying the whole morning and I have no one to talk to, I'm so desperately lonely and I just want someone really anyone to talk to. I feel awful and I was cutting earlier while taking a shower to get ready for school. I got into a fight with a sibling and that has greatly worsened my state. I'm having a lot of suicidal thoughts but I don't have any way of acting upon them currently, I think I might start cutting myself again. Please talk to me.",0.9775260416666676,3.3785502421875013,3.2255000000000003,87.13616666666668,85.640625,5.600833333333334,23.37708333333333,7.0316486544052195,1.057163958333334,493,19,97,7,15,168,80,128,0.23399999999999999,0.7090000000000001,0.057,-0.9420000000000001,2,4,0,0,1,1,12.0,0,0,1,1,5,7,3,0,5,1,11,0,0,0,0,20,27,9,1,2,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,7,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,6,3,15,1,18,20,2,11,0,3,0,0,6,4,0,2,4,67,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346507197719488,0.0,0.0,0.18849525148225796,0.16547233549832802,0.11666678800905035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327907169185464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253096132162768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743465520909749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344677530417226,0.1839549034401814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169748786740772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185159168719544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17700358958741885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237186333348143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113063223776094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831533757536182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688965462554212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16886311748378371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827462923130914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180986943679237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825089913480488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545192837424132,0.5364372239451447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691201534553274,0.0,0.13246183921816035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137670362480786,0.09841362424091483,0.13243934004799796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18628428357491103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003642814629458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hannahjane07,2020/02/17,"Newly diagnosed and recently discharged from hospital and in a crisis which wont end, wanting to just disappear from the world and understand all of this (28F) Monday I was taken into hospital in the middle of the worst crisis of my life, multitude of reasons why but I was admitted and spent almost a week in a short term crisis psychiatric ward. Tuesday I was diagnosed with BPD which quite honestly scared the absolute shit out of me and I broke down. The following hours were spent filled of relief and fear. Relief because after 15 years of no treatment or medication working I had an explanation why and an answer to why I struggle with life so much. Fear because of many many different things. I came home Thursday and things have gone from bad to worse. I want to go back to hospital where I lived in this bubble of naivety and didnt have to do anything. I didnt have to think about every single thing I did over and over again wondering if I fucked up. I didnt have to try and focus and fake my way through the day or try to silence every thought in my head. In there I could just sleep and survive nothing existed outside of my walls and I didnt have to try and cope because in there I wasnt expected to. Since being home I'm overwhelmed by everything, I cant make even the simplest decision of whether I want to watch this or that or whether I want to be inside or outside. It's like I've taken 20 steps back. Since being diagnosed I'm already questioning if my emotion is real or whether its fuelled by this disorder nothing feels real anymore. I dont have any motivation and want to give up, it's too hard to be alive anymore. Everyone keeps saying things will get better and it's like they've expected as soon as I was discharged everything would start looking up but it's not. I'm crippled by this fear and these thoughts, this overwhelming surge of emotions that I cant decipher or control. I'm overwhelmed and feel incredibly alone. I'm sorry this is long.",4.319214162348878,6.013148676165805,5.079813471502592,81.55978929188258,71.3056994818653,8.46272884283247,31.001381692573403,9.029198982220553,2.7249595164075995,1583,70,296,32,30,512,194,386,0.191,0.722,0.087,-0.9940000000000001,1,1,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,6,13,20,2,8,12,0,32,10,3,4,1,70,65,36,0,11,17,0,3,2,0,3,6,1,2,0,21,24,0,2,13,0,2,7,11,14,0,0,20,6,28,6,55,37,5,45,0,4,2,1,4,20,2,12,19,199,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475607758344693,0.08766290380537019,0.09340382562293843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05755901502644109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788293488806594,0.0,0.0,0.0696526125455606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301679347795026,0.07067198508791586,0.1547897293881989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485838868179011,0.0,0.0,0.10660280722196544,0.0,0.0,0.09680714652232174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493246223779693,0.06757922424792649,0.0,0.0,0.054586663378089983,0.0,0.0,0.257727541291614,0.0,0.08843218738507715,0.09700631089905956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991990224329248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904202346443664,0.07496710611916595,0.0,0.0,0.05590480811089548,0.0,0.14262796235036188,0.08087842949358838,0.15214036094532982,0.0,0.0,0.2857351242874697,0.08559441139277861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782495567745535,0.044221607745639886,0.08119568783656644,0.048103625211695165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582201716646655,0.0,0.08686643590640115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16980433449227758,0.0,0.08335467215720765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523311379277978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956936597454446,0.08270296859103106,0.0,0.07473985567577868,0.07490492415078018,0.07107740980236199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056498753027104484,0.1716260715817278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526724733108366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062221125318063925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624313008522586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481767410653782,0.09002648591188117,0.0,0.19268075505836188,0.0,0.08702539655822193,0.0835731140045663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731019240276036,0.08474074913046675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688312122087267,0.1400323855022562,0.0,0.08470246895190663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474905266569636,0.05990957750498443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848550825041301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22492778647384776,0.054234754277663964,0.0,0.13439154201604034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723977456166658,0.0,0.0,0.08811462204570054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496182824273825,0.06718435753909187,0.06789417905491485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22912693807404605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178992482696764,0.06161990504004289,0.0,0.08625675859688378,0.06012678086881459,0.0,0.0,0.05450624916421444 bpd,ccomposmentis,2020/02/17,"DAE have longer periods of time where everything is okay? Hi everyone, I'm a 24 y/o male diagnosed with BPD. I was diagnosed some time ago, I went into therapy after losing everyone again and I started feeling kinda okay after a couple weeks. Now after 2 months of feeling okay I'm starting to spiral and kinda relapse into sadness, shame, depression, anxiety and anger outlashes. I stopped therapy, I have this terrible feeling that it's not like I want to commit suicide, it's that I have to. Even though I'm with people and around them I still feel really alone. Since I lost my FP there's not much I can say to anyone. I don't know what to do anymore and I am really really tired",2.3012063492063533,4.737398385185188,4.51589947089947,79.86083333333336,79.96296296296295,8.301587301587302,25.939153439153447,9.04235418022936,2.627137566137565,542,22,98,15,14,187,86,135,0.27399999999999997,0.639,0.087,-0.9813,0,1,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,1,2,8,11,1,1,2,3,9,3,0,0,1,23,22,6,1,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,6,10,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,3,5,14,4,15,19,2,20,0,4,0,0,4,4,0,3,16,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295811929155932,0.0,0.0,0.1514000802883408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182854512060726,0.0,0.1449728945639741,0.10221359302277136,0.0,0.0,0.13013264101230068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184110642834756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174719069877028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259060217886836,0.2967425501570535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655158646450587,0.0,0.0,0.2793656196037181,0.13137862118599491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29565529305010524,0.1044321840810712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033759963771901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141695940489245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16353984965252874,0.1595745149175626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668078062491025,0.0,0.10746031627814627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134393470615448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28094308181499444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624949769662207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092295308332415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20693621704417176,0.0,0.1167408367606004,0.1222143863883584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598989745324849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343428624002331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362270707071506,0.0,0.17047936541813127,0.16801427692534449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862217114889327,0.0,0.11725808425017513,0.0,0.0,0.13551183346569065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,borderlinear,2020/02/17,"I don't know how to be okay without relying too much on other people Well, tonight I did it again. I made a close friend so worried about me that he contacted my other friend who lives close by to make sure I was okay. This happened at 3 AM. I try really, really hard to get better. And I do get better. But it seems like when I get better and I start slipping that no one else is around. And I need people. As much as I don't want to, I really need people. I'm incapable of just asking for what I need, so instead I act out. I take a handful of pills and tell my one friend and he tells my other friend. Friend 2 drops everything and comes to my place until 5 AM. He is tired and goes home. I am still alone. I am somehow more alone than before and on top of being alone I feel guilty. I knew this would happen. And I did it anyway. Why do I test people like this? It doesn't feel good. I feel like a terrible person. I know this is why people want nothing to do with me. I know this is why I am alone 90% of the time. People only are around me when it's bad. And that's because they are too drained to be with me when it's not bad. I just ruin everything good because I need more and I don't know how to ask for it. This is as close as I can get to truly feeling loved. I don't even know what the point of this post is. I don't know what the point of anything is. I just want it all to stop. I wish I could be different, but I don't know how. I ruin everything. I don't want to hurt people, but I don't want to hurt, either. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know anything, except that this needs to change somehow.",-0.3534018332347699,1.5048666432584277,1.951886457717329,97.75470431697224,86.21910112359552,4.983323477232408,16.109994086339444,6.202715092499727,-0.6286842696629216,1239,24,304,11,38,419,142,356,0.107,0.743,0.149,0.9524,1,4,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,1,4,24,25,0,0,6,2,39,4,1,5,2,68,81,27,0,13,10,0,6,3,5,1,2,0,1,1,28,20,0,1,15,0,0,2,14,7,1,2,5,6,48,18,39,70,6,27,0,4,0,1,17,13,0,3,13,205,76,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936044417762066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664179223459027,0.1261806511215647,0.13250986734777467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834885584569707,0.08640475829740912,0.0,0.060306106284466615,0.0,0.0,0.18803924864827096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749722516003343,0.061049197629092215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05658482536419829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404524001934193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059203729789509114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04680970874079096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19108318830402354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433382781383534,0.05063034486540195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737742714758652,0.0,0.14810894794714294,0.0,0.0,0.11888667204736035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534220109998673,0.0,0.06348660624433544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108951545581146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173800722499645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35054024484854235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387215346662967,0.0,0.06258050056395968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396395604852123,0.06705997074881312,0.047307025330817834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419686077395512,0.2627502007483952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800275450547669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960482150300954,0.05390068307809435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34393179521595274,0.06188193150676718,0.07404524001934193,0.0,0.13399223875994845,0.0,0.06787494582727771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620556962401226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451840919835816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05016294606054848,0.0,0.056597770860334996,0.05925143273411276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679519527409145,0.0,0.053286264932138686,0.0,0.12388897160708688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041325522105590776,0.08145593102254385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04811684082626832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20900812455387047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372165140227534,0.0,0.19185049727100373,0.0,0.08149829455119187,0.06831723411498992,0.0,0.0,0.0719730661888885,0.0,0.05034481281838157,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Refulgent-,2020/02/17,"Having hard time to explaining what's going on to my psychiatrist I fucking have so much things to say to my psychiatrist but I just can't. I'm splitting when I entered psychiatrist's room. My problems suddenly seems unimportant to me or I only say a few things. I want to make everything clear but I can't. But I'm living these fucking feelings everyday, and I'm just getting sick of it, I'm not sure if I can cope with it anymore. I only can list all my problems when I feel bad. One time I wrote everything on a paper, and after 4-5 hours, I thought that I was just exaggerating my problems so I tear it off. Then, guess what? I felt the needing of fucking rewrite the same things the next day. Also her time is limited and I have much to say. I'm thinking that I'll take my psychiatrist's time too much if I start to read my problems. But these fucking things are not the type to be shortened. All advices are welcome.",1.7560918253079552,3.977776893617026,3.6466069428891386,86.54184210526316,80.59574468085106,6.511086226203807,26.916013437849944,7.669130373188453,1.6305170212765958,728,32,149,12,19,245,98,188,0.184,0.769,0.047,-0.9765,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,9,11,4,0,6,0,12,5,0,1,4,38,37,16,0,8,12,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,13,4,0,1,7,1,0,2,4,9,0,1,4,7,25,2,16,32,7,20,0,0,0,4,7,4,4,5,14,102,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307639808600588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253809424033646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475924124059085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661807962867698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462728806000228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20799627306726085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170190372525887,0.0,0.11110556774178436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279105446350465,0.060456867217770036,0.0,0.06576410561200298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274742899811384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036588640192195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139570134033836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217940416043243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724137099167364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25519386358348617,0.08580199491394509,0.0,0.0,0.12306534639073778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841219943916718,0.17601456144094174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4428985802131022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574737799328833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27606617479194634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534355829463944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190442539142324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906102048370307,0.0,0.08700407877268616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30750644342588623,0.0741461811341855,0.0,0.09186562887524373,0.2698998689569361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825233240113494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,karolineguldbk,2020/02/17,"I think i have BDP but im too scared from past experiences to go to the therapist Excuse my English as it's not my first language 7 years ago i experienced something very traumatic. Since then ive been struggling to sleep, or even staying sober when im not around people. I lie, i manipulate, i overreact, i look for a way to get high all the time when im alone, just so that i donthabe to deal withmy own thoughts and i hate myself for it. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anxiety, but this was a few years ago. I stopped going to the therapist because no one believed me except him, and it felt like a waste of time, even my mother. My therapist told her about my diagnosis, still she just ignored it. All about the symptoms im feeling, im not going to summarize them for you, as you probably know them but for the last few months ive been sure that i have BDP. Ive done my research and im well aware that self diagnosing isn't legit, however i keep making excuses for going to the therapist again. I think im scared that i will be diagnosed, that if i do no one is going to believe me, that the new therapist won't believe me. I know the easy answer is to just go, but im so scared. Im not sure what im looking for in this post, i just need someone to listen. Do you have any similar experiences? Help. Summary: i think i have bdp, ive been diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anxiety. Im scared of going to the therapist. I need guidance.",1.6987844539268795,3.767352759197326,3.861803713527853,85.73923076923077,79.9364548494983,7.736178064813747,25.6949602122016,8.641336200584522,1.9668495213931487,1141,46,240,27,29,391,141,299,0.201,0.728,0.071,-0.9923,1,1,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,3,2,1,17,13,1,5,12,0,23,6,1,2,4,43,48,18,0,3,15,1,2,1,0,2,5,1,0,1,13,8,0,3,9,0,0,7,8,9,1,3,9,6,43,4,30,36,5,30,0,2,2,0,16,3,0,2,18,157,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966909108549868,0.0,0.0,0.058225688670885074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03823068987736462,0.0,0.08601440686570007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050046622347040944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03427043900202822,0.0,0.0,0.1900178988442339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057959080967691014,0.09684228452845957,0.22824346338447304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753131812294101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742639317423835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998548474354597,0.0,0.0,0.028425898147229067,0.0,0.05397883329702671,0.0,0.0,0.047819655108358186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029371985792762376,0.0,0.22365294882484427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055504394121985455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037682254965968935,0.059398214727042924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6679850796635384,0.0,0.0,0.049969823851207136,0.0,0.0,0.06179272898882687,0.045825799115658386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027465650191274917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944192116627494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037526464002985566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04487328404055706,0.0,0.0,0.08337100784680791,0.0,0.05429643619107863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619058392855371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05366717508062256,0.038975014938201935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053842039178748316,0.0,0.06061334013483787,0.0,0.13143346201027878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251391757481742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058648435595866966,0.0,0.0,0.0465047456116566,0.0,0.05625936824770001,0.0,0.047633979457436366,0.043279953995955855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059921726250845124,0.04489638052672017,0.0470014071287108,0.0,0.05877206243033399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597104651992084,0.058432825449012266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916459343461255,0.0,0.10806814903340327,0.0,0.044631421877145125,0.06556323112076035,0.0,0.0,0.05371944176454856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04638637107959663,0.0,0.04462384105265008,0.0,0.0,0.05054742378824903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240608642167344 bpd,LizToAoiTori,2020/02/17,"My (now) ex FP blocked me, and i'm slipping into a depressive episode For context, me and this girl have been friends for around 11 years, since we were little kids. I thought things were going well with our friendship for once and then all of a sudden she blocked me.My heart sunk when I saw it and I was confused so I asked her friend to contact her for me and she told me that I was blocked because she couldn't deal with my outbursts and my emotional baggage anymore. I'm heartbroken, 11 years of friendship down the drain, right now I have no FP and no one I can truly trust. I tried writing in my journal and sleeping it off and it didn't work. I don't know what to do.",3.4789928057553965,4.4901904604316565,3.6684100719424464,93.51930575539568,72.45323741007195,6.423309352517986,29.727338129496413,6.2581,1.1435404316546762,530,22,118,3,10,163,86,139,0.134,0.715,0.15,0.5209,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,3,0,12,2,2,0,1,23,20,12,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,7,14,0,3,2,0,0,1,5,2,1,1,9,1,24,4,15,10,1,15,0,1,1,0,17,7,0,1,7,80,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165980999036387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944258812206335,0.2041782753577604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313706280882034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22516495346558885,0.1881110615048164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456751249593904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374768065569765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241240371009334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25880981404898545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002913706513894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188982037983681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23259315226263935,0.14799621559175566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865158388576236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18066606141347968,0.0,0.21856174773644715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450979255224767,0.0,0.0,0.1733883950932978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20869439962056488,0.0,0.14828199246154222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963714423186084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590007269865128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812900551140502 bpd,milki_xo,2020/02/17,"I need help and advice my sister is spiraling out of control I need help, I don't know what to do. It really feels like my past is rewriting itself through my sister. She is spiralling at the same age as I did. I am now 26, I was diagnoised when I was 18 and didn't really hit me until I was 23 and my sister was diagnoised with BPD last year. She is going out of control with the anger outbursts and throwing things her emotions are constantly changing. I am not retaliating back because I know that it will be a fight till someone is dead that's how bad her anger is. I'm trying to help her but she is refusing the help and refusing to take her medication and refusing to go to threapy. I always tell her that I love her and always try to reassure her that I am always here for her to support her. I really need some advice in what to do, because its triggering me too.",4.052635009310986,4.716796977653633,5.653198324022348,81.10016992551212,70.84357541899442,9.095158286778398,28.883147113594042,9.2995712137729,2.3681169459962756,685,25,141,14,12,234,94,179,0.11599999999999999,0.76,0.124,0.3376,0,0,0,0,2,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,6,8,3,0,4,0,22,2,0,4,0,28,35,13,1,3,2,3,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,11,0,5,3,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,6,1,32,4,21,26,2,17,0,0,0,1,26,4,0,1,11,107,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716224236077157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34693147638607297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686827220452716,0.1160438314152154,0.16944378775253752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750424609449622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702410535969068,0.0,0.0,0.15018973636281752,0.31175936631891443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15633559450486534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027327330194505,0.0992884833921026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797289315087154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726257496796443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276130625016485,0.11328855429141856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789938992640858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543632093955248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000934121517467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091592879246514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267366407388445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267105516928188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775865935824313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771467359842564,0.0,0.0,0.1044968673392786,0.0,0.12147604497437055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923332000003203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18871876792306969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949959423411402 bpd,Tailbender1,2020/02/17,"TW Trigger Warning! Self harm/suicide My sister suffers from BPD and what really triggers it for her is alcohol. I have now seen her cut her own throat twice, I’ve seen her self harm multiple times and I’m wondering if anybody else deals with this. Sometimes it feels like we are so alone in the world",2.0234382566585936,4.7065372033898285,2.6971428571428566,90.73762711864408,83.74576271186443,6.083292978208232,25.37772397094431,7.447530270364453,1.4395113801452784,241,10,47,4,7,75,49,59,0.214,0.748,0.038,-0.8887,0,1,1,0,0,1,5.0,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,3,2,1,2,0,9,8,4,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,3,7,1,4,6,1,4,0,1,2,0,9,2,0,2,3,26,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757450392164157,0.0,0.2672310293929593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249673085590838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26600741396487304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155427017362685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046272524556418,0.18432962519299806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260555974708707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529429577419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5383425142520335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255188496112982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822321327823306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045360684149522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798118136021667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kennydontcare67,2020/02/17,"Trying to be normal on dates So after working on myself for a few years, post-relationship, I decided to venture in to online dating. Some background: 1. Online dating apps treat your self esteem like a punching bag. It's very shallow. I've been practicing positive self-talk to mitigate worry. 2. I'm an average, or slightly above average looking 34 y/o man. 3. I am good at avoiding the part of splitting where you decide someone is awful, but I put people on a pedistool. I recently experienced the whole cycle of suffering, starting with the creation of an FP, progressing to the fiery demise... of the idea, not the person. That's the problem, I fall in love with the idea of them. So, after chatting with them for about 5 days and thinking I REALLY like this person, I'm super excited to meet for coffee. Hours a day of taking, laughing, sharing personal stories. They're obviously actively participating, but I sense a hint of skepticism from her that our fate together is a foregone conclusion. You know... like a normal, secure person. That day, she's late, but whatever. It happens. Pictures are always more flattering, but I'm still on board. Conversion is average. Not awkward, but not the fireworks I was hoping for. I'm hating myself for this, but I shared a little bit about my worry that she wouldn't like me. She says, ""Are you always this worried about a date?"" I say, ""Sure, if I like someone. My mind is always running like a hamster wheel. It's good when I'm studying, but it sucks when I'm ruthlessly picking myself apart."" So... not good. Women don't like low confidence. Meanwhile I'm just mentally tearing myself apart over the fact that she's got a nicer job and car than I do. Conversations after this date, pieter out. Either I've lost my comfort or she's not in to it. I can't tell what reality is anymore. I'm dying to know exactly what she's feeling, but she's a hard read and I know better than to ask. Now I'm thinking... am I fucking crazy? Do normal people do this? I built this person up as perfect and now I'm watching the sun set on any chance I had... a chance I probably wrecked. I'm exhausted, hurt, spinning my wheel. There will be other FPs... who cares, right? But will I ever be normal enough to win over someone? Or just people that are just as fucked up as me? Ok... deep breath. We're all just people. Nothing more, nothing less. How do I stop myself from liking someone too much too quick? More non-attachment meditation I suppose.",2.487221052631579,5.012644385263158,4.113315789473685,82.49271052631579,79.88421052631578,6.663157894736843,26.13157894736842,7.839951260653429,1.8598631578947369,1933,79,348,34,50,644,250,475,0.11599999999999999,0.6659999999999999,0.218,0.9951,1,1,0,0,0,0,103.0,1,4,2,8,22,41,5,2,26,2,25,5,1,2,7,62,56,26,1,8,23,0,2,8,0,3,1,2,0,8,21,8,0,3,11,2,0,4,8,13,0,0,5,7,47,28,52,45,13,50,0,4,2,3,36,21,3,6,32,224,68,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19809851752075533,0.0,0.0,0.0539666728612399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870255790450141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418972071469876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018636734930066,0.08663920372625995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091153690796128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535394900568793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236185570994664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199880501148117,0.0,0.0,0.07178453478931554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04012616960403605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673177538043253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19968706872398292,0.06347044373862559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701766825331426,0.0,0.07108985437333011,0.0783503381589775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882114721206185,0.07815238536826062,0.0,0.08495518562615542,0.1791727434316364,0.0,0.0,0.0787513163571261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308404844866934,0.0,0.08952012916802972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31016542229260136,0.07953831805217512,0.0,0.0,0.06664136488204819,0.0,0.08662945261702114,0.0,0.07162437228304644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997495689570724,0.0,0.08012971714067525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058337814042781176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110189110070877,0.15229372621287324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593779523864167,0.0,0.2200694664604754,0.3464650072982112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600374787539334,0.0,0.08556215722438716,0.07593560827481749,0.0,0.07977746505112375,0.0,0.0,0.07938022786080323,0.0,0.05083924879179511,0.0,0.0783571939409958,0.08520160073834322,0.0,0.06777194081725263,0.0,0.1262185300411484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655769722062797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689616530284485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617053330362553,0.0,0.0633760020630386,0.06634747033521059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479468482845525,0.0,0.0596679053774814,0.06378555900677932,0.06936304734981212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016997681585724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538793835361033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654792817315813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860121282872167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057774116800105975,0.24177799524257865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051104434573578696 bpd,tictacpattiwac,2020/02/17,"Do you have to be careful what music you listen to because it can trigger a mood too strongly? Like, I know pump up music can be great, but sometimes I get so turnt up listening to a bop in the car that I think I dissociate and feel like I'm in a movie, or take on the feelings of the singer, or feel too strongly like the lyrics are directly describing my life. It can be extremely therapeutic, but after listening to certain music in the right context, I have trouble going back to reality. On the plus-side, I guess my mood is pretty malleable, so maybe I should use that to my advantage, and curate music for what I want to feel. But sometimes I just listen to podcasts so I don't just get in either a rather hyper-real manic, rageful or romantically depressed state depending on whether I'm listening to Marina and the Diamonds, punk rock or Sufjan Stevens, respectively, for example. Can anyone here relate?",9.04293103448276,7.304448206896553,9.439626436781614,66.12426724137934,61.18390804597701,12.378160919540234,40.14080459770115,11.20814326018867,4.5582666666666665,724,32,126,16,8,244,100,174,0.071,0.745,0.184,0.9447,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,3,10,15,1,0,11,0,14,1,0,3,1,28,35,14,0,3,12,0,4,3,0,1,1,5,0,0,6,3,0,0,6,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,9,15,10,22,31,1,15,0,1,0,0,7,10,0,6,5,90,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445988963697027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901591597095927,0.0,0.12606294908320387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21084569429862535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811595560374682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4182558093949598,0.14773747910648585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21608822397906569,0.0,0.11752882209460933,0.0,0.0,0.2279969858875518,0.2278127712588465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365150075506295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606847903607562,0.3030951130852042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077577176894653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21038925923293586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660549362488967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090596405567837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548735591279902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325086572746436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17860821913178054,0.0,0.0,0.12197559987573313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mynamebdrium,2020/02/17,"Showed the ugly side of my BPD to everyone and I probably come across as insane and obsessive. I struggle with two things out of all- a crippling fear of people leaving me and binge drinking. I'm not an alcoholic and I don't even particularly like alcohol, it's pure impulse. I ended up binge drinking at a social setting and accidentally bumped into a newish ex. I was proud of how well I'd handled the whole separation thing considering I still had feelings, as I'd pushed them aside and moved on. However here I was shitfaced drunk and had lost all inhibitons, I just clung onto him and asked him why he never cared about me. When he said he did, I shouted he was lying. I kept on shouting. And clinging onto him, not letting him leave. My friends had to physically pry me off him, while I carried on shouting about him not caring and trying to hold on to him. I woke up in the morning with no memory of it, except a very vague feeling of being comforted by holding onto someone. I made a complete ass of myself in front of my friends, people from my classes in uni, and of course him, who probably thinks I'm batshit insane and obsessed with him. My friends know I struggle with mental health and very supportive of it, but no one knows about my struggle with BPD. And I just revealed it in the worst possible way I could. What hurts me the most is how nice he was about it. He allowed myself to cling on, literally left the party to check on me, and made sure I made it back to my dorm safely. I understand he never wants to encounter me again but I wish I could tell him I'm thankful he was there and I'm sorry he had to witness the worst of a mental illness when he didn't have to. Not sure why I'm sharing this. Maybe I just wanted to share this with people I didn't have to hide my BPD from.",4.56133517495396,5.26973190607735,5.547748618784532,82.15304097605895,69.7182320441989,8.022283609576428,30.00046040515653,8.07648339933343,1.9964913443830568,1418,54,282,18,24,468,181,362,0.149,0.72,0.131,-0.3089,3,0,4,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,1,2,19,27,0,6,14,0,20,8,1,6,7,65,47,25,0,5,10,1,2,1,3,0,4,4,1,0,12,25,5,4,7,4,1,4,11,10,1,2,19,6,49,17,59,24,6,37,0,2,0,1,32,22,1,1,10,203,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19646555425820228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593126242394597,0.0,0.0,0.07067954825819894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473038857196736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187433796601024,0.0,0.0,0.07917953171696332,0.09637465600329516,0.0,0.0,0.14677866863522254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009000638315892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141238783119238,0.0,0.0,0.06071121262594694,0.0,0.0,0.08783193603129336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034337145081031,0.09295337351577433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21304770041349486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977049228072112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840050993573617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103185814055524,0.0,0.0,0.1946565513660132,0.09986957161099824,0.0939927550148636,0.0,0.044906669753406576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033975266065624,0.0,0.0,0.260926135988099,0.0,0.0,0.0923443514681108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852641832896727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976946743429228,0.0,0.0,0.14178621805754382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062286262421809964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19117386032462386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362414460411633,0.0,0.0,0.1982070862426374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743541341120316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369919671012213,0.0778821316676922,0.0,0.0,0.10289508321151083,0.0,0.0,0.07340612435518352,0.0,0.0,0.2882790955144425,0.0,0.0,0.10430787036859944,0.17326394082615648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803407017430703,0.08462608009823243,0.0,0.0,0.12213295360042535,0.058897576253830734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062406535585785385,0.0,0.08979088552511517,0.09569025876736503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168455380620452,0.10843166541032423,0.07296051902373864,0.0,0.0,0.08264564833296673,0.0,0.1658840533376175,0.10262357099231313,0.105701582476154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chantellexoxoxo,2020/02/17,My roommate who is my best friend in the entire world told me she’s not rooming with me next year tonight Needless to say I’m having a fucking breakdown. I will never be good enough for anyone. I will always be everyone’s second choice. This is just the cherry on top of a long list of similar things happening throughout my life that broke me. I’m about to end it all I’ve never been so hurt and upset in my life this really hit me right in the deep seated trauma and abandonment issues,5.374545454545455,5.56907690909091,5.982373737373737,81.5602272727273,67.7878787878788,8.620202020202019,27.61111111111111,8.344100000000001,1.7918808080808082,390,11,76,5,6,127,73,99,0.171,0.7440000000000001,0.085,-0.8568,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,3,9,1,1,5,0,8,3,0,0,3,9,14,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,1,0,6,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,2,1,11,3,11,7,3,16,0,3,0,1,5,9,1,0,7,52,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858234538225513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615332973654025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343647545933598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977987733584292,0.2307533849407869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133956474131266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253956443746366,0.2064594346385001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18731357134009807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19748467110185688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23907295537737916,0.0,0.0,0.23309222922188616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154806840671619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19763470784078516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34448246462275744,0.0,0.2375076020722295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430670696348679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19071747137532147,0.0,0.17759620426887546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483665388791746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133956474131266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438133307148454 bpd,nxhshchskbxn,2020/02/17,"my fp just wants to be friends and i feel like my world is ending it's complicated and it's not because he doesn't feel anything for me. which still makes me feel hopeful even though i shouldn't have any hope at all. he explicitly said today that all he wants and can handle is to be friends. he is everything to me. all i want is for us to have a life together. it's taken me nearly 30 years to fall in love for the first time and it's probably going to be another 30 before it happens again, if it ever does. i think being in love and being loved back just isn't something i get in this life. every single person in my life treats me like shit. i don't know how much longer i can go on. this disorder is hell and makes me feel like i'll just never be happy because i don't deserve it. except blaming it on the disorder is fucked up too. i can't blame everything on bpd. when it comes down to it i'm just a shitty person who deserves to lose everyone i care about. if that weren't true then i wouldn't just constantly lose everyone. i don't want to keep going. i'm so tired. i just wish i could sleep until the sun explodes.",1.373045454545455,3.14447985,3.2178787878787887,91.42227272727276,79.66666666666666,6.363636363636362,20.909090909090907,7.348242739294969,0.5157499999999997,884,24,198,12,22,296,125,240,0.161,0.687,0.152,-0.6627,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,3,17,19,3,0,5,0,26,10,2,3,7,44,57,14,0,12,10,0,4,3,2,2,4,1,0,2,16,7,0,1,6,0,0,5,11,5,0,1,3,5,24,14,26,45,5,31,1,2,0,4,14,12,3,4,17,130,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720518115966632,0.1111011719864138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871904585935444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147147330744868,0.0,0.12917617873126855,0.0,0.09015837226435164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334443506044022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802635226890188,0.0,0.0,0.09126930298435453,0.0,0.11449777230156895,0.0,0.08459501141781994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428631008843912,0.0,0.09272036229430546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384308962833864,0.0,0.0,0.06998109157190187,0.09584073840336144,0.0892701435818824,0.20248565273151625,0.190447814613325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21429249269004008,0.15138597934727488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901237406789466,0.0,0.0,0.16371836422462227,0.09795202922865463,0.055356175715076256,0.0,0.1806469415404724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369406784364556,0.1127891552025084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104708757332072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941760754303661,0.0,0.0,0.058229109668547975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245136428925884,0.1552901498227957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23706906563147895,0.0,0.0,0.28688070825136064,0.0,0.14144917200842655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788779562489168,0.0,0.08171764226364651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850285007925072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423547358546532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078575946515396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087594406933588,0.0,0.0,0.10602972152826884,0.0,0.0,0.08156795237627097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461436509411824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789053453069806,0.10409848437876296,0.0,0.061782164950918615,0.12177762095314512,0.10043124803264436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744865800663085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499757780535805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184095495067206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823038917216832 bpd,yeowhereyaat,2020/02/17,"Can someone with bpd choose to empathize with someone they care about? Now I don’t know a lot about the disorder but I remember reading that individuals with bpd have a hard time empathizing with others. But can they choose to and try to empathize if they really want to? Like say it’s someone they love, and the person that they care for is hurt, and tries to confide in the person with bpd, can the person with bpd attempt to understand what they’re going through? Hope that makes sense",4.235403225806452,6.437941720430107,4.1695564516129044,85.87433467741937,72.65591397849462,7.230645161290322,26.678763440860216,8.07648339933343,1.6676247311827959,392,14,74,6,8,120,55,93,0.075,0.718,0.20600000000000002,0.9439,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,5,1,3,6,0,0,6,0,6,1,0,1,0,21,15,6,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,6,9,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,7,5,17,15,1,4,0,1,0,1,10,1,0,3,3,50,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6678776069551173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270331345293626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519386413715811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534354612575579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875819384898716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167360043884566,0.0,0.0,0.14192073527235502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285793337150452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476783092077995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270770940564613,0.11965112550706157,0.0,0.08849263202122229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472694566164235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260756504808185,0.0,0.08492881883603817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501778806322804,0.0,0.0,0.10542632834246124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33698268631156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730361812440154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800149495550232,0.0,0.0,0.1380118039178408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819421714323085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yesdoka,2020/02/17,"How to differentiate obsessions and genuine feelings? I've always been told that I have an addictive personality. I become obsessed with certain things and let it consume my better judgement. These can last days, months, or years. A lot of that is likely due to BPD hence why I'm coming here for help. My current predicament is that I love pet rats and I want two but I'm afraid that this is a temporary obsession and that if I were to get them, I would regret it. It's been a few years since I've been really interested in getting rats but the fear that I'd get ""tired"" of them still lingers in my head. How do I know what's an obsession that'll fade or if this is a genuine feeling/good decision? Are there any guidelines or key points that I can use to determine one from the other?",3.801666666666669,5.2698954458598735,4.769824840764333,84.16815552016986,72.24840764331209,8.035881104033969,27.733014861995755,8.59863814320734,1.9231702760084923,623,23,127,11,12,203,100,157,0.113,0.802,0.085,-0.7544,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,1,5,12,0,6,8,0,16,4,1,3,1,24,28,13,0,5,7,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,1,1,17,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,2,5,1,13,5,11,20,2,13,0,1,0,1,6,3,0,6,10,84,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015749865137264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385672156867272,0.0,0.0,0.1257425163648106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20421430504447666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16353445519419188,0.0,0.0,0.2328828112413853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592802674880494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924916383587887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20807081523322046,0.09349410053619424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28981748035889754,0.0,0.0,0.15509049799078534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897670457615679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393868844429914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161957920492908,0.15072318374884666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890790566206236,0.0,0.09033580036679734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720058850080829,0.16688501118231314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759031738407904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529718633396858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614529098803095,0.0,0.0,0.17479606989000593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845560851257007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529562703386451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766628280083322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284342365221144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21252240792065935,0.0,0.176685741399257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18062643153224334,0.0,0.0,0.15969953718279215,0.0,0.0,0.10906243252655527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668490316542055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135201712342034,0.0,0.0,0.2381469844251937 bpd,Saylemmoon333,2020/02/17,"I’ve been off my medications for a few months and I’m finally starting to have a psychotic breakdown..once again. For a couple of years I was on Mirtazapine (remeron) 40mg and Olanzapine (zyprexa) 5-7mg. I also have bipolar II and chronic PTSD. I got off of my meds like a month after we moved into our new place 09/24/2019. And so far up until now I have felt amazing. Little to no depression, handling stressful situations rationally, no fearing of abandonment, minimal arguments with my SO and really helping my kids make better grades in school. But for the last few weeks I have been sleeping in from the time I put my kids on the bus until it is time to get them off of the bus. Today I actually woke up and cleaned my home. May have been motivated to do so because my boyfriends mom came over to spend the afternoon with us, so I’m not sure if I should be proud of myself or not for being somewhat productive after all these weeks. My moms birthday and wedding anniversary just passed (she’s deceased) and that kind of ruffled up some feelings, my boyfriend and I have been having some communication and intimacy issues. Some things I have noticed in the last week or two is that I have become really hyper sexual, thinking a lot more rapidly, I can’t sleep at night, paranoia more frequently, crying since Valentine’s Day, and I keep wanting to act impulsively. Yesterday I stole something from the store for the second time in my life and it was so thrilling that I feel like doing it again but with more risk. I haven’t self harmed in a long time and I don’t have sex often and those were the two things I turned to when I was having some kind of adrenaline rush. Now it’s like I want to do more to fill that need. I sprained my wrist and instead of taking the pain pills for my arm I’ve been taking them (double) with muscle relaxers just because I know it’s abusing it. But I realized this is irrational behavior so I’m waiting for my therapist to email me back with her next opening and I started my Zoloft 50mg tonight...with pain pills. And I read that you can’t mix certain medications with Zoloft cause it could harm you but I did anyway just because I know I’m not supposed to. I don’t know what’s happening. I can’t tell if this is the bpd or the bipolar and I’m angry, adrenalized, starving myself, crying, resentful etc. I just don’t feel good. At all. I feel like a complete piece of shit and irresponsible mother. Please tell me this is normal behavior for someone with these conditions because I’ve never done anything like this besides self harm and the high would be over quickly.",5.0238057816446835,6.111526693516701,5.614130788661242,80.71447151277016,68.90176817288801,8.646219477968005,31.045804097670498,8.922882184376627,2.5086678753859104,2073,84,398,36,35,670,252,509,0.14800000000000002,0.775,0.077,-0.9912,0,0,1,0,0,0,53.0,3,2,2,3,21,27,2,3,20,0,44,18,5,3,5,83,74,39,0,9,16,3,5,5,0,3,12,0,2,4,22,31,0,3,11,2,2,7,13,12,0,3,15,5,58,15,59,52,17,66,0,2,0,1,21,23,1,13,41,279,80,4,0.0,0.0986291466197656,0.08123299830686075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665692644766077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850175984034307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640086012663659,0.0,0.2029762365121396,0.09193517037412363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073621522238822,0.0,0.0,0.1048414356869791,0.0,0.0,0.09520762624034053,0.0,0.08551332107093887,0.0,0.0,0.08727852795214358,0.0,0.0,0.0664626296192418,0.0921066127959519,0.18287668928716425,0.05368474158475622,0.0,0.07169693116442567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518632073465786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928377644405872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367133141913216,0.16836031266073032,0.11893739484482962,0.07992617510165406,0.09118845604559753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04349094517544773,0.0,0.0,0.06982013994115233,0.06657689892904373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361136341546233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579591711555395,0.08795062473609969,0.08349934996071195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688389179189905,0.0,0.07399005586047716,0.0,0.1733692042422366,0.1372442541503229,0.13570804037711892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587968756153453,0.20334122028805832,0.08343118859783895,0.0,0.07366728881389095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077008088922415,0.0,0.0,0.055565238254487316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246402310042434,0.1677167958373532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19498600279970868,0.13288727223414734,0.08847395901597634,0.0,0.061723506831819465,0.06420200553318163,0.08039644803962405,0.08852969859648771,0.07811776092136788,0.0815603034398626,0.0,0.09477251852582204,0.0,0.0886509017262882,0.0,0.0,0.17715248940089634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697104445933478,0.0913756346548493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730641862009992,0.08368204024847105,0.0,0.0,0.0832653609452707,0.0,0.10665498235299227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424619238595876,0.0,0.0,0.17368086142504846,0.0,0.08544757312812339,0.06885933270106233,0.0935684334374096,0.16660590246294898,0.0,0.07053138332860859,0.06408440068420007,0.0,0.0,0.11783941306432535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535438538761737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845538614413941,0.0,0.12517650331808902,0.0,0.14551581242557468,0.0,0.0,0.09665134650759352,0.11060568044287616,0.05333864699042573,0.0,0.0,0.19415826429419145,0.0,0.07890447354187337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054429988470424,0.16263230681484436,0.0,0.10013088018544553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819756077872678,0.0,0.20031714152006164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059133321099109126,0.0,0.0,0.05360565603483447 bpd,throwawayxdlmaohaha,2020/02/17,Uhoh Spaghettios It’s been a wild week. Asked out FP but they said they weren’t comfortable going out on date. Later had a conversation letting them know a bit about my condition but kept it vague and they seem to struggle with friendships and relationships too and can’t mentally handle hanging out every week even tho they genuinely enjoy my company. So it’s like a what do cuz I don’t wanna seem pushy but I also wanna be there for them. Also don’t know if they were just letting me down easy or have other issues that they are worried about can I get a yee haw.,3.143362831858412,5.2043247964601775,4.167442477876108,85.31063274336285,75.3716814159292,6.99787610619469,23.689380530973448,7.908726449838941,1.273386548672566,454,14,88,7,10,147,78,113,0.084,0.752,0.16399999999999998,0.9129999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,8,0,10,4,0,1,5,0,14,0,0,1,0,21,23,13,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,1,4,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,6,1,14,3,12,14,1,11,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,4,5,68,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253198247160901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190152718870732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22206149302944556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343446124392781,0.0,0.17137433230209853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626876211157088,0.0,0.11559762217894065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122980678141984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235680237444658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159831338692489,0.0,0.09937158035584467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049806273536136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21837683005759945,0.0,0.0,0.19348117456602906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703377317278186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212639157777155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32631244002920823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20656385060535104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wrld84,2020/02/17,"impossible/inevitable I’ve done everything that should have made positive changes to my life. I’ve stopped smoking weed and drinking, I hang out with my friends again, and I even started dating for the first time. I spent all day with her today and we had a great time, but now I’m at home and now I’m angry at myself. No matter what I do, I’m still just a piece of garbage. It’s fucking impossible to get better. It’s only a matter of time before I mess everything up with my “gf”, or before she really sees through me and realizes what a worthless human I am. My friends would ditch me instantly if I ever tried to open up to them about anything. It’s obvious that I’m gonna be like this forever, with no chance at real happiness. I don’t want to commit suicide because of my parents, but at this point, it seems inevitable. Fuck.",3.9614285714285695,5.045237047619049,5.111666666666668,83.35000000000002,71.38095238095238,8.21904761904762,30.07142857142857,8.59863814320734,2.2479428571428577,656,27,132,11,12,217,106,168,0.159,0.6679999999999999,0.17300000000000001,-0.3612,1,0,1,0,0,2,19.0,1,0,1,2,8,10,2,0,5,0,9,4,0,1,4,31,23,9,1,4,5,1,0,1,3,3,1,0,1,1,10,12,1,1,2,1,1,1,3,4,0,1,4,1,20,6,22,15,2,24,0,1,1,2,9,9,2,3,15,87,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223687802711395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979571323883378,0.0,0.27347629244209354,0.0,0.0,0.1421201481415372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699921837681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036338722013333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16444501762907035,0.0,0.1574182384744882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061363963405401,0.14535627221958666,0.0,0.0,0.288841518186685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366856224379521,0.0,0.0,0.248302460039738,0.2971166971835824,0.08395560677351466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17716490922315398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106098534042607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118846262976053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350241639402045,0.078506619998631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205186756008832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221448105737133,0.0,0.0,0.17843087140366362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190709088079946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829041336257012,0.1029442303764761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805173965567287,0.14628912749398965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373953113388982,0.0,0.12832986150988138,0.1343467779993365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577236746559965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811046326393754,0.0,0.15231844069216682,0.0,0.0,0.10910018938317373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478106035174504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415189606436678,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,inesnleal,2020/02/17,"People with BPD, what was your experience getting diagnosed? What were the symptoms that made you feel that something was wrong? How did you take it and how are you dealing with it so far? Hey, I just got diagnosed with BPD and just recently understood what was really happening to me, even though I've been feeling something was very wrong for a long time. I'm just curious to hear some of your experiences on how you came to the point of being diagnosed, your symptoms and how you deal with it in your daily life.",8.123163265306122,7.349016010204082,7.707061224489795,74.71651020408162,62.36734693877551,11.921632653061225,35.926530612244896,11.20814326018867,3.8915077551020407,411,16,78,10,5,130,61,98,0.067,0.895,0.038,-0.6046,0,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,9,0,0,10,2,0,0,3,0,9,6,0,5,0,20,20,9,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,8,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,11,3,11,0,12,8,1,8,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,1,3,57,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621102141381036,0.0,0.0,0.1644180743022388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296411359223324,0.0,0.4377266302756593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494919769905814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812410625165352,0.0,0.0,0.14537427036948414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510635164120423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497446105099955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712257512838185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202297438213248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153880991906516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721915506296616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360249954893123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966201120426453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589547884829214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209349873376034,0.0,0.1419412818340212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213401209417983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988341589518301,0.10808629747523044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123911690197233,0.0,0.08382502848177803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861339993300862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31434829569673484,0.0,0.0 bpd,socygirl87,2020/02/18,"Like someone so much it physically hurts? Why? How? Does this happen? We're barely a month in...and I'm so attached I can barely breathe, I think about him all the time. Nothing has gone wrong. But it's like it's so good, it's actually painful and makes me sad. And it makes me want to run away.",-1.3671407624633432,0.4776814354838734,0.6920527859237531,100.13989736070387,105.61290322580645,3.5448680351906163,16.9266862170088,5.565023196281405,-0.6921161290322577,227,7,54,2,11,74,46,62,0.136,0.6709999999999999,0.19399999999999998,0.4417,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,3,1,9,9,7,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,3,3,8,2,5,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.2517486509488052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24237818452734344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22575769148363786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163791366267637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281284923688424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761700570079954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25206937553346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444037290701528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20591503582595044,0.0,0.1896430136803388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475361965263038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27450605756559604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185833463324302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530145018837908,0.0,0.0,0.15042865007266404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521617074819943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327844057763848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820577018031181,0.0,0.0 bpd,drunkoffmyass,2020/02/18,"Bf of a month jokes about how we’ll maybe do something this summer and then says unless you’ve found a new guy by then Its funny but its not. If he doesn’t see anything with me I want him to just say it so we can move on. I don’t wanna deal with this fake shit if he doesn’t wanna make it work, I want him to be real with me. Its like I could spend time with him but its time wasted if we don’t really like each other all that much. I’ll be honest, I’m scared to just break up with anyone anymore because I don’t really believe in the one or waiting until you are fucking forty to find the person you wanna start a family with. Its like if you cannot coexist and compromise on certain things with anyone you’re kinda fucked, especially if you have very high standards. Now personally I have high standards in someways, however I have certain things I could potentially put on the back burner if I liked the person enough. In all honesty I can see myself with my bf but at the same time not really I just don’t have enough evidence yet to really cut it off and honestly I’d rather have him do it. I guess I’ll just be myself until he gets sick of me finally!",6.399166666666666,4.793525118852461,7.235081967213116,79.40650273224045,66.25409836065575,10.428415300546447,29.349726775956288,9.2995712137729,2.164282513661202,915,22,197,14,12,308,126,244,0.11800000000000001,0.738,0.14400000000000002,0.2393,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,3,4,0,1,11,15,4,1,8,0,23,4,1,2,4,54,36,20,0,14,18,0,0,4,2,1,1,2,0,4,15,14,0,1,2,1,1,2,9,6,0,1,1,4,29,9,32,29,7,29,0,0,2,2,23,11,3,9,19,141,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976992418022395,0.1688883197558472,0.0,0.09938220497632397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286354023791613,0.0,0.07361937120078241,0.0,0.0,0.13606477027211386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19284767852620788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245070451523577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495723371789509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138498161542604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322960147494029,0.1103802428847218,0.0,0.0,0.13241645288928092,0.0,0.22329710850654447,0.06309656917010918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304014457502894,0.119579825803219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25519715218093103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23600560198048715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061392744706572,0.0,0.1213282145915302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639628353124988,0.1283578283315036,0.08877876082785201,0.0,0.0,0.11663899288229265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183587726887014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163512502774762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140572295067754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746101972612568,0.30946963531026883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19207995490452834,0.12091036060452927,0.0,0.19247375509614786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396715423283727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297350986932178,0.0,0.0,0.08548058276709695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046648189680512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21126329233992105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964668007211573,0.14246480873238804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792092370268853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BreatheEmbraceChange,2020/02/18,"DBT - Newbie. Hi, I'm brand new here. I would love as much help and info as possible on my journey in this forum :) I have had evaluations and it looks like I do not have BPD; I do however show some ""traits"". Personally, out of the 9 symptoms listed I agree with maybe two of them. (Mostly anger/frustration) Hard to manage emotions. I don't have abaondonment issues, impulsive sprees, love/hate perspective on ppl...(i have good healthy/interpersonal relationships.) Im great with boundaries etc. Anyway. I was suggested DBT because I have really bad ADHD (Inattentive) and show ""some traits"" of BPD but not enough to qualify for a full disorder. Im wonder what is taught in DBT? Did you find it helpful? What part helped you the most? Did it tone down your anger/frustration? I've done CBT in the past which helped...however, I tend to forget the skills when I need them. How do you find DBT different from CBT? Has anyone here experienced a complete change in their traits/personality over time? For example, I used to have abandonment issues maybe 10 years ago when I was in a co-dependent relationship...however now I am super confident, no abandonment issues at all etc and don't see myself ""relapsing"" back to old thinking in that dept. Has anyone here experienced significant change as a result of DBT? Thank you. I am looking forward to starting the skills session soon.",3.5781083075107003,6.43338633864542,4.583762726870301,78.75702818356208,78.04382470119522,8.499395012542424,26.029364025379962,9.150863307647796,2.674041935959864,1085,42,191,30,27,352,154,251,0.084,0.7809999999999999,0.134,0.8937,4,0,0,0,0,0,58.0,0,5,3,3,10,9,0,0,9,0,23,2,0,3,1,28,36,11,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,7,0,2,5,2,0,2,5,3,0,1,7,6,24,6,30,28,11,27,0,2,3,1,16,14,0,5,14,124,32,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988157106942586,0.0,0.09579932843462144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511329437266336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310071543918622,0.09023562572858927,0.06587970263996179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722258615526857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22865174275137234,0.0,0.11331146083195655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291226294710012,0.12385990223296345,0.0,0.0,0.11059520218576972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156648071469872,0.0,0.11166729009181504,0.2410577482448853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975517437860145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064568614816218,0.0,0.11914978780296305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968113058450063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173151985430653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334726619827483,0.3383973446631874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279853191572231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18150656276896274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950784418444937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21714574761384364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944537244323842,0.08013403629607091,0.0,0.10437663405672222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340340934090205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703147026863067,0.10316697535240027,0.0,0.1887286453563078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218349687510466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923370580935244,0.0,0.0,0.2320578175402295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611941086231588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649393471221526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232821280071416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949819961053888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692481891147288,0.0,0.0,0.06301766618885672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557066380499362,0.0,0.0,0.09333952958445092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719949980233188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677126499268194,0.0,0.0,0.06959484006757127 bpd,fluentsyntax,2020/02/18,"visiting home. did blow last night and stayed up until 8am with someone i used to love. it didn’t end well. I’m not going to go into detail over why it didn’t end well. i’m not a heavy user, but i’m ruminating over how stupid i acted. send help please. i’m having so much anxiety, but a part of me feels so apathetic about everything. i just want to be told that it’s okay. i’m losing my mind today.",-0.4379545454545449,1.5501165681818208,2.5919999999999987,92.15300000000002,87.86363636363637,5.792727272727273,15.618181818181819,7.1686216300943375,-0.13250363636363627,310,6,73,5,10,110,63,88,0.153,0.675,0.172,-0.3109,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,1,0,2,1,5,1,0,2,0,13,17,7,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,5,4,2,2,0,4,1,5,4,11,12,2,16,0,1,0,1,5,4,0,0,6,40,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651362842922453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.362418601500225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18387563459465486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344872731213436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23255064092512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713485140524334,0.0,0.20522417304445745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667711807036959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288880288506085,0.0,0.0,0.18465381147335816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065813243547274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039991797000854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919973376165869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22155505081038376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245824556392034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733515868579333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21806967318639664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19393091490842027,0.1954980579216132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670327624041998,0.0,0.0,0.12067467121168725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679086326643433,0.0,0.1846140010856366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shelbycinda,2020/02/18,"I finally cleaned my room After 2 1/2 weeks of my depression unraveling, I finally was able to pick myself up and clean my horribly messy room last night. And it feel so good. I had the best sleep last night; I'm sure that had something to do with it. And a little thank you to my ever so patient and understanding boyfriend who lived in the mess with me and didn't once get mad about how long I let it go.",6.956785714285715,5.11971205952381,7.209523809523812,80.77714285714288,65.30952380952381,11.257142857142858,32.904761904761905,10.125756701596842,2.7595333333333336,319,10,72,6,4,104,61,84,0.126,0.688,0.185,0.6884,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,5,7,1,0,3,0,6,1,1,2,2,13,12,8,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,5,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,4,1,11,4,10,7,1,16,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,10,45,16,0,0.1961109677581439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058063615769545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689100891658733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739359790203355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915959777379013,0.0,0.0,0.4296599587013462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245988647193208,0.0,0.11145438235597868,0.16448857533368685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197132266101604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005367514572799,0.0,0.0,0.1965547098934699,0.17316957744992684,0.17355203521369764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680737166394539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088517802928248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19625259675368514,0.0,0.0,0.1509758040952337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18483226623407967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18055263077222744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041584336609705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730838910436235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lauren_Claire,2020/02/18,I feel so sad and it won’t stop Everything is horrible. I’m not quite suicidal but it just feels like it won’t ever get better. I don’t have close friends to talk to or a partner to talk out my problems with. Everything just seems to be getting worse.,1.5547169811320742,3.4851195660377385,3.2383396226415115,90.72505660377364,79.75471698113208,7.258867924528303,25.69433962264151,8.238735603445708,1.6007162264150945,199,8,44,4,5,66,40,53,0.213,0.575,0.212,0.228,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,1,15,12,4,1,1,5,0,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,3,3,6,9,0,4,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,2,3,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165148895647015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214450071908016,0.0,0.0,0.4400395737669008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24756697086870716,0.1748925866162152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891398947199482,0.0,0.25580664200830905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196019873422412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23425047428123325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26038597675360736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22286617835729985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20467244217147199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677828248000361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935386253984032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24948269513522744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kaychiddy,2020/02/18,"Favorite Person Probs I feel like my mental health has been steady as of late. However, yesterday my boyfriend decided to take an impromptu trip to Florida and will be gone for two days. Today was my first day without him. I couldn't sleep, I had anxiety, I binged and purged, and am now bar hopping with hopes of being blackout drunk by bedtime. I never thought that he was a fp. I thought I truly loved him and had a healthy relationship. However this trip has made me realize that my codependency is incredibly detrimental to my health. I NEED him to help me remain emotionally and physically stable . I am now rethinking our entire relationship. Do I really love him? Do I even care about him at all if hes not here tending to my every whim? Every panic attack? Every disillusion of control? How do the rest of you differentiate love and this emotional drug? Is it ever really different for someone with bpd?",4.084741124260352,6.65703828402367,5.635883875739647,73.46909208579882,74.44378698224854,9.432100591715976,29.49741124260355,9.827888789773867,3.4665529585798818,726,32,124,22,16,245,114,169,0.057999999999999996,0.7340000000000001,0.209,0.9802,4,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,0,2,7,8,1,1,4,0,19,9,1,3,3,26,32,9,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,8,2,1,6,2,0,3,4,2,0,2,9,1,27,6,18,19,2,14,0,0,0,3,16,1,0,2,11,91,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054474797805296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952232051859374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655333901011887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400318732374011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741161808389644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952490612134266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373179576916352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241882875606175,0.0,0.0,0.2956855246683497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680927501547217,0.11888732843206805,0.33221015580650703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645572223093857,0.09389469940706599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179557812389164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27941110537830843,0.0,0.0,0.0880957729491458,0.0,0.0,0.1305411485007986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14826047182609572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421079856649715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558662167142442,0.12436367582416345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245205244703506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745480179525913,0.10136808560055548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15420656242877107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476092791789487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16839678591186966,0.0,0.0,0.2822165169600015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315264316290983,0.0,0.11136149476023503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882014119456314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20868388113383252,0.0,0.0,0.12458170678368548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283894908088393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669528873646965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rosegarde,2020/02/18,"Imagined Rejection How do you handle imagined rejection from a significant other? I've started a mood journal to track how I feel for the rest of the month, and today when I felt as though I was getting rejected I started a list of triggers, starting with ""imagined sexual rejection"". I had sent a few explicit photos to my partner today, and he didn't respond the way I wanted him to— which seemed to upset me. I tried not to shut down, and on our phone call I just remained silent for a bit. I didn't know if it was worth telling him how I feel if it was just imagined rejection, and I didn't feel like upsetting him. He is usually very supportive of me and listens to me when I speak about my BPD, but I still feel a bit self conscious about some of my symptoms. I guess I'm just wondering how I'd go about talking to him about that type of thing. Should I even say anything? It is imagined rejection, after all. I guess I'm just used to being jumped on and lusted after in my past relationships, and now, when I don't receive a reaction like that, it makes me feel like I'm not good enough/don't look good enough.",6.3454000000000015,5.591825640000002,6.8264999999999985,79.51575000000003,65.93333333333334,10.166666666666668,34.30555555555556,9.516144504307137,2.9660888888888888,879,35,179,15,12,288,118,225,0.13699999999999998,0.833,0.03,-0.9703,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,1,0,0,19,15,0,2,10,0,13,2,0,7,2,46,39,19,0,4,9,0,6,3,1,1,1,3,0,2,9,8,0,0,15,0,1,4,6,8,0,0,9,10,31,6,27,28,7,25,0,6,1,1,21,5,0,7,18,122,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765473737781373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856458327708194,0.0,0.1647647775984226,0.0,0.13358311713631918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703466321980668,0.0,0.08640619806470007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33073575931809873,0.18691744615414452,0.1256089100518885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834870070620176,0.0,0.07434872792026931,0.21945330591697426,0.0,0.0,0.28822869905821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189593460373858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917379558062354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985689705125384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732419642304656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104420269103772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488368042982853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045305790901635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403430425857196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190947475209286,0.13647508887249346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777878501755903,0.0,0.10447401469766084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845439774537342,0.0,0.13597336340181645,0.0,0.10514916075874144,0.11434353370997999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691182174242215,0.0,0.12853120832253445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24800648616569876,0.0,0.0,0.08881903755703513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298755192035292,0.14408111832542567,0.10794122726790237,0.07716175935782199,0.10383981450856664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418700589976116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jerrygalwell,2020/02/18,"I just want some friends that I don't want to date. So I'm sure I'm not the only one, but I find it almost impossible to avoid being attracted and becoming attached to nearly anyone. The bar is pretty low, are they nice to me? Slightly below average attractiveness or better? Do I like talking to them and they me? That's pretty much all I need. No matter how hard I try, I always get attached and can't help myself from flirting. Not to mention my inability to tell if someone is flirting back or interested at all. Unless someone is wayyy our of my physical and emotional attraction I'll have feelings for them sooner or later. I don't know if I have the ability to have platonic friends that fit into my dating preferences. It's actually not just if I'm interested. Even if I'm not interested I respond to flirting and can't help leading people on. Any advice would be helpful.",3.888051197357555,5.6981170000000025,5.9402683732452495,74.48325144508672,72.64161849710982,8.642279108175064,30.854252683732447,9.23628265651192,3.0359697770437664,703,32,124,16,14,245,103,173,0.08900000000000001,0.573,0.33799999999999997,0.9942,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,4,2,6,17,0,1,3,0,15,1,0,2,3,38,25,16,0,9,15,0,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,1,4,1,0,1,9,2,0,1,0,2,21,15,18,22,4,12,0,1,0,0,14,7,0,9,5,91,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.17180599957027773,0.0,0.0,0.17204062656854358,0.0,0.0,0.17629541205259916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649332648620705,0.0,0.0,0.11972463286113645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310297889978836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537677976776774,0.0,0.0,0.1944408574225443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557078955813696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980401564520816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628382840072182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901958689058476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091268751367846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720420294099373,0.0,0.09198238971677693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577122743305442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540214018359765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675619005838586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601243911608604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942197467225433,0.1305438554436317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930061578253814,0.13389909807904746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205558856515195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582260333975944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298344639897961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659314111150761,0.0,0.0,0.14150775337891666,0.15388136673606825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953098219025765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076856749916047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506566975362515,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,clareargent,2020/02/18,"Hey buddy I made a friend on this subreddit the other night. He has since deleted his profile. I hope he reads this. Hello my friend, it's your message buddy from the other night. I hope your interview went well today. I'm glad we were able to open up to each other. I know it's hard to do that for people like us. I know that when I open up, I start feeling a certain way, like the person I opened up with is going to judge me and hate me. So if that's why you're ghosting, I understand. I don't hate you. I think you're pretty cool. If you don't want to talk to me anymore, I understand and it's cool. We're cool, if that matters. OMG I sound so BPD! But I mean that. I hope everything goes well for you, and if you ever want to talk, hit me up. I know it's a long shot that you'll ever see this, but if you do, here it is.",-0.18338797814207555,1.466821071038254,2.1739071038251403,97.58468579234976,84.19125683060109,5.159562841530055,17.270491803278688,6.139981653823899,-0.5304885245901638,628,13,157,5,18,214,91,183,0.048,0.774,0.17800000000000002,0.929,0,0,0,0,1,0,27.0,2,8,0,0,8,16,2,0,6,3,9,0,0,1,3,34,31,13,1,10,7,0,2,2,2,1,0,1,0,1,17,9,0,0,8,1,0,2,2,2,2,0,3,7,32,14,16,26,1,19,0,0,1,0,22,8,0,8,10,98,49,2,0.13367818052488714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257283468204936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16836298874454125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418391350100564,0.0,0.0,0.1201413290369294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759170465329292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20655886134092716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597239060717248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974939267974433,0.2639590555782608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983177877702684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203980960901087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061681331749073,0.0,0.0,0.11830098315750533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264895266158332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561472769308906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508958336286207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267561872332336,0.11672263102654172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599876776720793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371435573902446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652420250595816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057997232238807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461810421333433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148909157328469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565558039199399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671128455821287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783274006813021,0.16079839181119598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769370871161675,0.10610751749352304,0.0,0.0,0.2403854767919238,0.12392101261095173,0.12062376561281635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gelidflesh,2020/02/18,"Dissociative rant....? I go through extremes of feeling content and chill and euphoric and then I’m randomly hit with a sense of dread and then I feel opposite of myself. I feel disconnected but somehow still in a body but not there.... just feeling weird. I smoke weed and it makes me happy and I chill alone for hours. But when I have to go out into the real world I feel weird. I’m too comforted by a dark room. I isolate because it’s what I know and it’s my comfort. But it also hurts a lot most of the time, because I know I should be doing something else. Still, I do the same routine. When I have to do real life things I get weirded out and anxious. It’s too bright yet dull outside and all the people never relate to me. I’m always paranoid of others intentions, I feel like they have an underlying evil plan for me or something or they’re going to try to manipulate/use me. I have a lot of weird fascinations that most people just judge you for because it’s different or whatever. I struggle to be myself around others because I tense up inside. When I’m high I actually enjoy people’s company, but I still lie. I don’t know why. I go to the extremes with the mask I wear around people and it comes so naturally but the voice in the back of my mind is constantly screaming at me. I am young and stuff. I am about to get my drivers permit but I’m literally scared to drive a fucking car because I just feel weird. I have to go tomorrow and I’m prepared to take the test, but the actual driving thing and being on the road with people, you have no idea what they’re going to do. All this unpredictable shit makes me uncomfortable. High school is over for me and I’ve pretty much isolated myself socially. I don’t know if I’m gonna go to college so I don’t know how to make more acquaintances. I’m afraid to get a job in my town because I hate everyone here. It feels so deadbeat. Everyone my age is full of pointless drama I don’t give a molecule of a shit about. I generally long for connection so it sucks that I’m so different from other people. Not to be “edgy” or whatever toxic people call you. I don’t know how to function like a “normal” person? I think I’m generally empty inside even though I have emotions and I feel love and shit. It’s this separation of the selves and how to be a human being that fucks me up. And I have dissociative episodes. I think I have BPD? I’m not sure? I don’t know. I’m pretty positive that I do. That was just off the top of my head, uh.... I don’t know. I think one thing and then I think another thing. Sometimes I love people and then for no apparent reason I hate them, blah blah blah. I literally feel split. Maybe it’s not BPD. I don’t fuckin know",0.6189479759475986,2.9793711852517997,2.8845474068506403,89.16237463760336,87.14748201438849,5.98127348867175,21.24814775045635,7.374400105419477,0.8625823902072369,2113,72,445,37,67,718,231,556,0.17600000000000002,0.7170000000000001,0.107,-0.9883,4,1,3,0,0,0,62.0,0,3,2,2,32,32,10,4,25,0,35,12,6,9,4,101,95,50,0,3,21,0,10,5,0,2,1,2,1,2,28,29,0,0,25,1,0,11,15,22,1,1,1,13,70,10,58,85,10,54,0,2,1,5,12,23,7,11,22,299,98,4,0.0,0.0,0.12683053746555575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730410050818326,0.0,0.05196789339451112,0.0540721144192716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681416681344858,0.0,0.07341372262934841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156995469673037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04996888869203535,0.0,0.2376828293871696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721828689724969,0.16369081425026036,0.0,0.06635620043570932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05597819036136045,0.0,0.07022490458755487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578945185612531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05428601496771167,0.07309855169611193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04292149427698872,0.0,0.0,0.1241905004576639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285799703891084,0.046424772036417386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015381205185945,0.1018547893058846,0.062338828600936334,0.25852438829436825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691769586725709,0.0,0.12831701628287984,0.06669260404620468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731888811457074,0.0,0.0,0.06399641112905613,0.0,0.06956699992275266,0.07335932548789903,0.0,0.0,0.06448685596475444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32142287396908725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045900308316945714,0.06349605897990905,0.0,0.0,0.0575090297578429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049459681094992,0.1173016729786972,0.0,0.1301325048768343,0.0,0.06528542886255569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561558291056625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04777091210025263,0.0,0.05011987146762925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367078242055932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0440350198989463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604152576071285,0.056741753804209524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222471992715865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479326413055257,0.0,0.06681464772970785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506058605220752,0.06576754571691916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20011624310656467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624327470002034,0.0,0.1000561243748732,0.06427109991656077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568955437370274,0.0,0.0,0.06793566357356565,0.07439143629365827,0.0,0.0,0.06124690088466497,0.0,0.048860080031513764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269063299032145,0.16655717273727394,0.06384671060632965,0.0,0.03789284762207888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04412005038501241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816806972239163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058638191678379324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,has2dogs,2020/02/18,"General BPD survey [TW][MOD APPROVED] Hello! You will find a link below which is a questionnaire containing Multiple Choice Questions, These questions aim to gather data for my research project, this project aims to help the BPD community. Being a recovering borderline, i wanted to do something to help this community, to help medical science get more insight on what we go through, going through literature, i found very few to nil papers actually trying to help people who have no access to a counsellor or in my case, being in a third world country with a HUGE stigma around mental illness. By giving me your time and taking this survey i assure you, you will be helping my research, and in turn helping the entire community. [https://forms.gle/kuXzAVdSG1xdQGbj7](https://forms.gle/kuXzAVdSG1xdQGbj7) &#x200B; Thank you &#x200B; P.S. This survey contains a few triggers, so here is a trigger warning: Abuse, Anxiety, Self harm, Suicide",12.1858,12.882840880000005,10.68116666666667,51.87975000000003,53.53333333333333,11.5,44.75,10.9516,5.518,772,39,94,15,8,241,104,150,0.125,0.722,0.153,0.3869,0,0,1,0,1,1,46.0,1,5,0,1,3,3,0,0,10,0,9,2,0,2,1,19,18,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,8,5,0,2,6,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,13,2,19,12,3,11,0,0,0,0,19,8,0,3,1,69,21,5,0.0,0.15033245259341665,0.12381690692373812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749495858586159,0.3083469961939069,0.0,0.0,0.0970631110829762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295040078072525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196026874489849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596633006159852,0.0,0.0,0.1391177413641108,0.0,0.0,0.06628973967539754,0.12171518142014012,0.14421803979031342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5102712951791423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781859178271454,0.12786553786619487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796285046327305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842700323924247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236386383440715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976786828033281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387864959734735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953982235262749,0.0,0.0,0.1168143680783588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398494527979918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614342068013849,0.1380093728530098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468956661794906,0.07483731055419415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083469961939069,0.0 bpd,Jabbsworthy,2020/02/18,"28M. I look young, physically I feel old, mentally I am a child. I am failing this life. I want off this ride.",-0.5997101449275384,1.5585783043478258,2.27826086956522,92.38376811594203,92.04347826086956,6.544927536231885,20.71014492753623,7.793537801064563,0.937736231884058,83,3,20,2,3,29,17,23,0.168,0.765,0.066,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,5,0,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,11,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552410751268123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3565538103127704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4239032478869173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5087177316627696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5297006654491963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977429845773725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,likeaschoolgirl,2020/02/18,"Should I apologize to my professor for being on my phone all lecture? So I’ve been struggling, but I went to lecture today for exam review. I knew all the material, so I only took a few notes and spent the majority of the time on here, seeking validation and trying to feel better. But I feel terrible now because the professor is so nice and I was super disrespectful being on my phone all lecture (he could see me too). I feel like I should have just stayed home if I was going to be on my phone. But I also want to show up and not wallow. I kind of want to email him and apologize and explain that I was having a hard time and was seeking/talking to supports. I don’t know if that’s Too Much™ though. Ugh. This is the type of stuff I agonize over where most people would shrug and move on. Otherwise I’m going to beat myself up and feel guilty and horrible about it for a week. Thoughts? Is it worth reaching out and expressing my contrition? Explaining that I was talking to supports because I’m struggling but wanted to try and show up, and apologize for being disrespectful and say that I realize I should have stayed home? Ahhh only I would have this crisis!",3.10344155844156,5.0551151341991325,4.647833333333335,82.31175,75.14718614718616,7.736883116883117,26.268614718614717,8.548686976883017,1.967372121212121,920,34,177,18,20,308,117,231,0.139,0.715,0.146,-0.7794,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,3,12,11,0,2,8,0,24,0,0,0,3,46,46,25,0,11,8,0,5,1,0,5,0,1,2,0,9,15,0,0,10,2,2,5,2,4,0,0,11,7,26,7,28,25,6,23,0,0,1,0,14,11,0,3,6,132,35,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967281849937524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167201606640138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212914084244288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094971376435096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27737350199245103,0.0979746390482445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588250174737384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285275456295094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751302459192693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281282375383142,0.07536993883415832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700090476117616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576078803589632,0.10081552724386517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20860612279332102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507735100949638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906123123427693,0.0,0.0,0.1092848273600656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923513440023014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867422638888507,0.15699536690097873,0.0,0.31125539821965903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22045991497375486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474182320520445,0.1088758367532266,0.15993780498786506,0.0,0.12999506714675388,0.0,0.15237037862828065,0.18622152879376985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426706231105593,0.0,0.11000745202246384,0.0,0.0,0.12713248398846164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948442135618548,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,plskillmepainfully,2020/02/18,"How do you know if you are in love? hello guys, i'm a 20 years old boy, officially diagnosed with bpd and i have a kinda weird question. actually it wouldn't be such a weird question if i was like 9 or 10 years old but at 20 i guess it's kinda awkward that i have to ask this. so my problem is i just can't tell what's ""being in love"" means and how the hell should i know if i'm ""in love with someone""? i mean i can love. i can love very passionately, i can love someone so much that i would literally do ANYTHING to make her/him happy. but i know since years that it's not what most people mean under ""love"". i mean it's obsession, it's not that kind of love what couples have. i mean i care and love for real, i'm not faking those things when i'm obsessed with someone, but it's definitely not in the romantic way. i mean i guess it's not in the romantic way... because actually i don't even know how to define ""love in the romantic way""... you would do anything for the person? check. you fantasizing about doing things together (i don't mean it in a sexual way)? check. you feel wrong when they are not around? check. you want to tell them everything and want to hear everything? check. you find them aesthetically attractive and you can list a bunch of other inner things what you like/love about them? check. but i just feel or i know that i'm not in love and actually i've never been in love. i was obsessed with people, i liked and loved people but i just can't really tell if any of those were a romantic thing. i'm kinda asexual, so i guess that's not helping either. (i mean i guess (?) you have seuxal feelings for the person you are in love with, but in my case that's a no) i hate couples actually. i mean they are annoying and i just simply can't imagine myself being in a standard, normal, healthy romantic relationship. i had a girlfriend actually and the friendship, companionship part was good but the other stuff was just annoying and yikes. and i definitely didn't love her in the way she loved me. maybe i'm aromantic? how common is that with bpd? or how do you guys know if you are in love with someone? actually i asked a girl about this and she said that when she's hugging someone she knows that it's love because she gets a bigger adrenaline rush or whatever but for me idk, i love hugging but my best hug was with a russian instagram influencer who's nothing to me but my internet pal and we just met because she was in my city. soo based on what the girl said i guess i'm in love with the russian influencer who i've met only once and i've talked to her literally like 5 times on instagram?",2.035805665549802,3.96068504477612,3.888435881815415,86.66759061833689,78.21641791044777,7.360584830947305,23.625342674383184,8.290611406555254,1.3713140115747795,2048,68,438,40,49,691,186,536,0.08900000000000001,0.634,0.278,0.9993,0,0,0,0,0,0,67.0,1,13,5,1,23,46,4,4,23,0,42,25,0,8,1,110,107,44,0,13,34,0,3,3,2,4,1,3,0,7,37,25,0,0,23,0,5,1,17,13,0,0,14,6,71,33,47,86,6,40,1,0,0,24,75,23,1,20,14,288,108,0,0.0,0.0,0.23177118609037106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026918656538833602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514895202029063,0.03523838680939797,0.07401188566009667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239059874853382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04154124232128925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970998817006713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04035879472604804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759846917481623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040177194145521934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026145032671516213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115156713679313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060044978902107624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036179299651270216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02068114386518032,0.0,0.0,0.03320140210760845,0.0,0.0,0.21803264472135506,0.07838928846169768,0.0,0.042138184494199836,0.0,0.03908126498785471,0.0,0.0,0.04461434178921038,0.0,0.0265324973808084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04122091897820676,0.15228133176621134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735548654615534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7145268644795916,0.0,0.026422803220492282,0.0,0.039767713108268266,0.3880698066582221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029098988249317295,0.0,0.030529824254415357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03878417363253351,0.037982168360502,0.0,0.08307405137287599,0.04215594866892783,0.0,0.03010561607843932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04286589984306948,0.0,0.08232823242919382,0.06912690399250787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03787679413687427,0.0,0.0,0.08868686866557601,0.0,0.0,0.045055557888512635,0.02535869277021058,0.0,0.0,0.04249868493341094,0.0,0.0,0.07530739846584568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03274451176689852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769808976842024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045314511182371814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031816331524751114,0.10379517297076966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519210287646892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023081902337849916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032661162934280286,0.046695648335118765,0.15710072909918865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056239050034119616,0.04327917802568277,0.0,0.07647290349552886 bpd,Bitterwiththesweet,2020/02/18,"Feel like they have an unhealthy relationship with sex? Hi, first time posting/first time reddit user. Hope I added the appropriate flair and that this kind of post is allowed. I feel like I am almost addicted to sex (for context, I am a 20 yr old woman in college) I have many new partners each year and usually very close together, and even though I am safe with 95% of my partners, I always feel like I am going in or out of some new sexual relationship. It is exhausting. What will happen is I meet someone, we vibe, and either establish the thing as casual or say nothing (And it seems like every guy I meet just wants to keep things casual), and then we hook up 1-3 times and then they decide for some reason or another that they don't want to keep sleeping with me. I know some people are just going through stuff, and I came into their life coincidentally at these times, but it just keeps happening. Even when I feel like we have a genuine connection beyond sex... though most of the sex is really good and I get a lot out of it physically. Emotionally, I feel like I am seeking validation, that I am good enough to at least sleep with. I try to be that chill girl who is cool with just hooking up and is a cool friend but I always get attached, and then so so so butthurt when they don't text back even. So when they decide to stop seeing/sleeping with me, I feel massively rejected. Against my better judgment and friend's advice I always end up sending a very emotional or long message to these guys instead of just letting it go. To be fair, some of the guys really did behave inconsiderately and I feel like I need to call them on it. The problem is I don't feel like I am in control of how I react. If I really liked him, I'll lay in bed the whole next day and feel sorry for myself. I don't even think I want or could handle a boyfriend or monogamous relationship. I just wish someone would find me worthy enough to keep around to at least sleep with, preferably even be friends with, for longer than a month. along with these feelings, I also feel like I behave compulsively and impulsively (?) about sex. I seek it out and prioritize it above a lot of other things. For instance, even if I only have $15 in my bank account (college lol/other bad spending habits) and a guy I like invites me to his place and the subway tickets/ trip would take $8 I'll still fucking go. Even if I have an 8 am. I tell myself this is because I just enjoy sex and am always trying to live life to the fullest, but I feel like shit about it. None of my sexual behaviors have really affected my day to day life/productivity, which is why I have a hard time admitting it's a problem. The only real issues are the money thing, the laying in bed after a rejection (minimal issue as I just take it as a sick day), but more recently, as I've ""gotten around"" more, I am afraid of getting a reputation/that people talk about me. My school is only 3500 people and I KNOW things get around... I have even heard a story about myself being told but they didn't know it was me they were talking about. They just heard this rumor. I feel massive anxiety around running into all the guys I've been with, and their friends, and whether or not their friends know I exist in that context. I know some of it is grounded in reality but I still feel like I get unnecessarily paranoid. I usually put it down to being narcissistic thinking everyone is talking or thinking about me but I am not so sure.... &#x200B; Anyways. Thank you for reading. I feel like a stupid slut who can't keep anyone around for very long. I am so afraid of what people say about me or that I will have too much sex and then devalue it.",4.967525977238989,5.5427900218878285,5.891613353901678,80.52457082981634,68.75376196990425,8.84781558343278,28.549087522193442,8.902300299844763,2.0915948482114266,2890,95,579,48,47,955,301,731,0.079,0.7859999999999999,0.135,0.9912,1,1,0,0,0,0,96.0,3,1,12,3,49,44,3,2,30,2,56,18,4,6,2,147,112,64,0,15,32,0,16,14,7,4,5,4,2,9,39,50,0,8,30,4,4,9,9,12,0,1,10,22,89,32,89,91,20,74,0,2,0,9,54,30,2,23,48,409,128,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04828008241913168,0.0,0.043277385124158685,0.0,0.0,0.044347690398481736,0.0,0.0,0.03541682270466979,0.14740351124998508,0.047985657046714855,0.05381434987268538,0.0,0.04643946909293866,0.0338799358127415,0.0,0.0,0.03096695899125161,0.0,0.0,0.1971270179668478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03405447394452429,0.036978343074445384,0.026997344188539475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039168832957385484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045222648690917897,0.0506532803869495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049672372343356384,0.035360089798468115,0.0,0.0,0.11424749782665555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963530465765534,0.039225718167167786,0.09152197549178137,0.0,0.2340126341450919,0.0,0.03731426050393045,0.04231875345535807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358975454488743,0.34803021523696914,0.0,0.0,0.04047811547651129,0.07534211556853362,0.0,0.0,0.17108266680313616,0.04094322456392265,0.11569236243241116,0.0,0.10067878263160653,0.07429276970244922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219258712928316,0.07832685632422956,0.0,0.039673041020288284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04398763556594732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244961366718144,0.0,0.19682451886185173,0.0,0.04611877881912476,0.12169668827132392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04528712909899536,0.09384504405883697,0.3029139650486491,0.0,0.03910681185869293,0.07838636426491083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753035632091009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04490073221781926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035349984692093286,0.0,0.032556523148843115,0.03283873594459193,0.0,0.08554658876560453,0.047100424857352094,0.0,0.0,0.0424952006192501,0.0,0.04647244525164329,0.0,0.0,0.10104827477541818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281393803888326,0.0,0.04627117463703693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04241533245125539,0.0,0.0,0.08475461171060085,0.0,0.04452132686679446,0.0,0.0,0.0442996411215458,0.05040904861755174,0.11348722658316215,0.045535086726605084,0.04372871764697342,0.14264510586849471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043864365716805,0.0,0.04482147253295071,0.0,0.04031781892450097,0.0,0.0,0.04546064271277147,0.0,0.0,0.1772785610739397,0.0,0.07504957484823116,0.0,0.0,0.04957640529118097,0.0,0.0,0.070736358984358,0.03702646369731012,0.0,0.0,0.05069877068052392,0.0,0.0,0.04174059189537538,0.0,0.06659761167055014,0.10679022152817924,0.0387093636224084,0.04077412364330126,0.0,0.0,0.14711375456729128,0.0851332256088257,0.08702479481531464,0.0,0.12912244256450686,0.0,0.0,0.04231875345535807,0.0,0.060136822955079584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975531928990115,0.10962586376139524,0.0783660213345149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03996272126387472,0.04944558660285955,0.05092861902822945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629213606541017,0.0,0.05381434987268538,0.028519798598952345 bpd,Cosmic-observer,2020/02/18,"Having huge difficulty functioning? I have felt different probably for half my life. I’m 30, and have struggled with relationships, friends, depression, anxiety etc. I actually cried last night as reading a lot of the BPD experiences and symptoms was so incredibly relatable, and for the first time in ages, I felt truly connected as I realised there was actually a condition that described me, and there are many others out there. I isolate myself A LOT, and luckily work from home mostly. I don’t like to socialise too much, but sometimes I can be the ‘life and soul’ so to speak. I also smoke a lot of weed at home as some form of release. Video games and weed have been my life predominantly. How I manage to support myself I’ll never know ... I’m wondering what options are there? What do people do here on a day to day basis? A lot of times I have great difficulty getting out of bed. I want to go to a doctor today to book an appointment but unsure if I can even muster up the will? I feel so broken ? Has anyone been subscribed ssri’s? CBT ? Has anything helped ? I feel so happy about this potential diagnoses, but also quite scared... but looking back at my life for the past 6-7 years, it has been so debilitating. I also feel like I’m pushing all my friends away, and I’m ashamed. I can’t stop my mind. I have been on this downswing for quite some time now...feels all quite bleak, but researching BPD did somehow spark a bit of hope. The potentiality that I’ll have to live like this until I die is somewhat frightening though. What a fucking ramble... I basically want to know how people function day to day, what do you do, how do you cope, has treatment/medication worked. If I’m honest I can’t even bare the thought of going to any therapy, but could try CBT myself.",3.850830903790088,5.697587559766762,5.0813775510204096,80.45022959183675,72.8192419825073,8.16530612244898,27.99344023323615,8.841846274778883,2.249264139941692,1395,54,267,28,28,462,185,343,0.10400000000000001,0.755,0.14,0.9322,1,0,1,0,0,0,54.0,0,2,0,6,24,15,1,3,17,0,34,8,0,3,3,50,57,32,1,6,8,0,5,3,2,1,7,1,3,0,11,11,0,1,9,4,0,3,4,5,0,2,10,7,31,10,38,44,14,31,1,1,1,1,8,10,1,14,21,185,42,7,0.0,0.0,0.17449856420530566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144985654873376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060800485974093765,0.0,0.06839685282928114,0.0,0.0,0.06251613191954371,0.0,0.07357514179472907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400173155905206,0.06874921060760243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761034749185933,0.0,0.22521241832650196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138498937375311,0.0,0.09821045748761552,0.2306429781376575,0.0,0.07700695411277379,0.09074720818994836,0.09279135783984097,0.09341229981602174,0.0,0.09151284650360066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971352120794877,0.1181062427795012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745815134326372,0.0,0.0,0.18082942548467115,0.06387307209916633,0.17169134573828174,0.0,0.0,0.0760503741634849,0.0,0.0,0.13815275268112354,0.08265622816799026,0.0467119744883671,0.0,0.10162522025935276,0.0,0.0,0.0985726032829599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517644729473508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599282780896695,0.0,0.1793669688908921,0.08880228855040148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827256490107396,0.07287942920519676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526059751205605,0.13104065487026653,0.0,0.07894887611668615,0.0,0.07508017737583285,0.0,0.0,0.3040458375600785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064564910640074,0.0,0.0,0.0993120998114602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027656301225966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657251458430175,0.0,0.0689569387942627,0.0,0.0,0.08390332379594533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535002471118255,0.12396845867504365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639691432545053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852891467027969,0.08943216571977207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599070048253028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951297597039007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842676913185353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474906688994451,0.0,0.09346862347832713,0.0,0.0,0.101459105564805,0.0,0.09292911520916147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224580642378099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878428772176564,0.07097994173136495,0.156403520063114,0.0,0.08474830197957596,0.0,0.0,0.06070214318015681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547027514373954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695913028465587,0.13018013495856612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05757580174516388 bpd,brokenchalkboard,2020/02/18,"Does anybody else get triggered by support groups? The only option offered to me upon receiving my BPD diagnosis (3 years ago) was DBT. I attended the group and was incredibly put off by the environment. I understand that they too needed the skills we were there to learn, but I couldn't be around the other people. They shared stories of abuse, self harm, destructive habits, and that was part of the group, yes. But a lot of the experiences the other group-goers had, triggered memories for me that made me panicky. I couldn't go back. I didn't want to ask them to not, because everyone else who was there and sharing openly, seemed to benefit greatly. So I left. Even online support groups, I need to take breaks from. Here, I'm in the r/raisedbynarcissists group and r/insaneparents , and although they are lovely groups with great people, I have to regularly click away. I'm a bit at a loss of what to do now, really. I gave birth 4 months ago and even though being a Mom is literally the greatest thing ever, I've regressed on a lot of the progress I made with my recovery. My temper is back, black and white thinking is back, and my mood swings are just fucking stupid. I hate it. I was more stable pregnant, and before being pregnant. I'm trying an anti-anxiety/depression med and attend solo therapy but I'm just not sure what else I could benefit from. Blegh",4.634615384615387,6.347247846153848,5.41,79.43000000000002,70.53846153846153,8.430769230769231,28.0,8.982922981607832,2.304176923076924,1080,39,199,21,20,351,156,260,0.13699999999999998,0.7020000000000001,0.161,0.7968,1,0,0,0,1,0,41.0,1,0,4,3,16,18,5,0,17,1,21,2,0,4,2,41,43,16,0,6,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,15,0,0,4,0,0,5,5,7,0,0,11,3,25,10,27,26,6,25,0,1,3,2,21,9,1,4,10,136,35,1,0.0,0.14223044282632266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128204324033797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686305746572172,0.11222330399545977,0.0,0.11278365020604665,0.2769152531930437,0.0,0.07317664451067167,0.0,0.1021471175513611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105505188632274,0.0,0.1511890180069562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584397276182267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339221840900553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504978637936284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30083970192479625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15857355468237688,0.10858509227731801,0.0,0.11470551903590878,0.0,0.11742435978039327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097713049517753,0.06271712372293414,0.0,0.06822277994225569,0.0,0.0,0.2646940200452747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185168744761153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042626139371374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20411126505097094,0.1083428219808866,0.22717376853210103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333988381524878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405920383254101,0.095816582742576,0.0,0.0,0.17801962219804707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129754430680136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999406422964074,0.0,0.1664443698992084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206756222583494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690214246799376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928196056174544,0.12523025230145973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724450570211188,0.11313840478018328,0.0,0.09025683638438013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137278780481189,0.0,0.07975074026111653,0.07691822996757855,0.11794090613768135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150081142524276,0.0,0.0,0.12496822106574484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080403223941144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730327653775011 bpd,lKierzx,2020/02/18,"I'm smoking a blunt with a friend, happily listening to music and feeling like I will remember this moment for years, and two days ago I was literally planning my suicide A couple days ago I was extremely depressed and seeing no point at all in any of the things I was doing anymore. I've been inpatient for the 5th time in 5 months, it's all getting out of hand, I refuse to go inpatient once again. I would feel so useless, like I'm entering a non-ending spiral that leads me to nowhere but wasting my life. I don't know exactly how, but today I'm super excited about meeting a friend of mine I smoked a blunt with yesterday, and I want to do some graffitis and listen to loud beautiful music with him. I want to forget the world and the people who hurt us so bad and be happy for a while. it's going to be one good day, i'm sure of it. Man, this bpd can be really confusing sometimes. I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore. I'm a fucking rollercoaster lmao.",4.922575757575757,5.004848782828283,6.339949494949495,78.99659090909091,68.74747474747474,9.832323232323233,31.65151515151515,9.725611199111238,2.885769696969697,761,30,153,16,12,260,120,198,0.11599999999999999,0.635,0.249,0.9818,0,0,1,0,0,2,19.0,1,0,0,3,6,15,1,1,12,0,14,3,1,2,4,32,34,13,1,3,2,0,4,2,2,2,1,3,0,1,9,11,0,1,6,0,0,4,3,6,0,2,4,8,17,9,22,25,3,23,0,3,1,1,10,6,1,2,15,95,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26310557798283896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092103426766552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943573550904517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391264557854435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18691191216067826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420819695502034,0.0,0.2871283945429093,0.0,0.12782169961890055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314434912085371,0.0,0.0,0.09802063243255946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251152974383702,0.10602113445026813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293159086498865,0.13719877237382655,0.0775359062106753,0.0,0.1686848743383924,0.12447574547424585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157980735598056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887148021591288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311989503140634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104823406683877,0.14500715697408936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845609511328875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804733546287,0.1005636120639247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028858969267493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402914516840329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507255677316637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681148434437867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182602098611504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467771326949127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233185991981305,0.0,0.13987071187472033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859422036691208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865366164704591,0.0,0.1406713474601423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497090414052752,0.0,0.1785139068266098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750671739126687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542322361976744,0.0,0.0,0.09556847067616893 bpd,lduckhunt,2020/02/18,"I did everything right I ruined our relationship. I didn’t understand how to do open relationships and pushed you away. Somehow you still loved me. I went to an extensive dbt program for you. I’m back in therapy multiple times a week, starting a dbt group, on medication. I was perfectly behaved. Used the wise kind in every situation. Everything was looking up, we were spending more time together. You told me you loved me. But it still wasn’t enough. Because I’m broken and you know there’s no solid future with someone so broken. There’s no hope for us and there’s no hope for me to be happy. Why I’m even continuing to go through life like this, idk. One of these days I can’t wait to quit my job, cash out my trust fund, and go Leaving Las Vegas in some foreign country. Because it’s hopeless to think life can be normal",2.261909058101768,4.7049554723926414,3.786221580656804,84.99496571634792,80.16564417177915,7.0254781667268125,26.152652472031754,8.124751697461798,1.8519566221580648,654,27,128,13,17,216,108,163,0.11199999999999999,0.693,0.195,0.9517,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,3,6,0,2,11,12,0,0,4,0,11,5,0,2,1,21,29,7,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,3,0,3,4,6,2,0,1,8,1,21,10,19,19,3,23,0,2,1,2,15,9,0,4,11,81,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503988183368407,0.11052016552876943,0.0,0.17523400616407464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269451931351866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851240834536633,0.0,0.09493288276773364,0.0,0.12109945536660165,0.0,0.2583520727092668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337112914747132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530041816697037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285514365712255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263070847102066,0.0,0.0,0.14967358113878435,0.07899072617571548,0.0,0.0,0.1521902361319605,0.0,0.0,0.20304272541562346,0.07021964198698104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206977295909318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594454400278385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447937282738212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082573370474233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739575595304213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287547031930493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30862632495095504,0.0,0.12274537595518085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615595177394395,0.0,0.0,0.12178269804728513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173344816179962,0.0,0.2295673137276797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16436877384784393,0.0,0.0,0.09209693662779736,0.0,0.0,0.16762124998854006,0.0,0.0,0.13734100384215148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962890254796116,0.17289053711054667,0.12413732186939168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529223261166305,0.0,0.0,0.1332399546305569,0.12969475247975984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yachtrock94,2020/02/18,"""You're such a negative person."" Sorry, it's the lifelong trauma and abuse. I used to be more positive but everytime I've ever been happy something bad happens to me. My existence is pain",1.0641666666666652,3.6040326388888886,3.7944444444444434,78.54500000000002,97.61111111111113,6.844444444444445,25.44444444444445,7.793537801064563,2.6201444444444437,149,7,24,4,6,52,34,36,0.361,0.48200000000000004,0.157,-0.8273,0,0,1,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,1,4,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,17,4,0,0.0,0.38809028103487775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734885192370203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962855078048274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896492131824062,0.3486804534352442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.348533682759474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860018830664139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25216210343341633,0.0,0.3666626610306231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828959130744271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ironicbanana14,2020/02/18,"How were you treated vs your siblings? I feel like there's a connect. I feel like my sister (younger) was the favorite child. My parents always catered to her, let her do things i wasn't allowed to do, sided with her during arguments, etc. If she hurt me during a fight, it was ""me who started it."" I always had to hear ""be the bigger person!"" While my sister could scream and yell at me for not letting her play with/destroy my things. And all that lead to my sister disrespecting me constantly because i couldn't react or respond without her being the one in the right. And this disrespect carried on to my little cousins around her age, as they began disrespecting me too. Even as I've moved out, my mom will constantly compare me to her. She always says I am way messier than my sister, my sister has more opportunities than me, and such. But I don't even believe that it's true. But hearing it all the time makes me feel like shit. I just feel like a lot of pwbpd ended up being the forgotten child, the scapegoat. We're always invalidated in order to praise the other child.",4.58942857142857,5.829217180952384,5.210000000000001,82.64500000000002,70.04761904761905,7.314285714285713,28.285714285714285,7.554174236665415,1.6253714285714285,848,30,162,9,15,273,123,210,0.114,0.7859999999999999,0.10099999999999999,-0.4376,2,0,0,0,1,0,31.0,0,2,1,3,8,13,2,0,11,0,18,1,1,5,3,30,27,12,0,3,8,8,4,4,0,1,0,5,0,4,11,7,0,0,4,1,0,2,5,4,0,1,6,9,37,9,22,13,5,23,1,1,0,0,31,11,1,3,12,122,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4200360908243357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234530483094136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769307245087377,0.0,0.0,0.1421848786048505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727560658415423,0.0,0.10076092329277893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177628795267897,0.0,0.14074704710092992,0.16670863403503186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25524329456631645,0.3606309827721063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28447453370957976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510037018043575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25809736159050894,0.0,0.2466209864651316,0.12648617189378253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729125123027627,0.0,0.0,0.08423989152370906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14780463686001194,0.0,0.13413128323222906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551680388483687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013084986390928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019351060341848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077746370015408,0.0,0.10035979561758322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954311935657015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932544595860388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676841639684945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358859439990548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017217527735643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165289089308914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,greydomme66,2020/02/18,"I don’t even know where to Begin Titles tells it all . This is the first time I’m doing this anonymously and ...I don’t know how I feel . I can currently on the rug on my bedroom floor . I am smoking a dab from my pen , I haven’t slept all night . It’s currently 8am in the morning and my love is asleep next to me .... I hate my life.. truly and honestly . I have had so much tragedy in my life and I’m truly over it . I feel like things are never going to get better and I am destined to be alone ... I know I am . I know everything . People always say I overthink but whatever I usually think turns out to be right so ...I don’t think I overthink . Have you ever felt like something out there is out to get you ? Like I am an atheist but if there is a god out there I feel like they are smiting me everything second . I could never catch a break . I have no one . No family and no friends . Just the person who I love next to me ... but sometimes I don’t even know if he loves me .. idk ... I just don’t know anything anymore . I feel like I never did . I feel like I’ve been going through life just dazed , in a haze of screaming , fighting and tragedy. I am so mentally fucked up you guys don’t even know . I have tried to kill myself 10 times already . It seems I can’t even do that right . Funny . Imagine having a mother who doesn’t know you . Who says they Love you but they don’t know a single thing about it and tells you to go kill yourself. Imagine having a cousin that you are supposed to trust . Someone you are supposed to grow up with try to rape you at 8 years old .... few years past by and you try to be a better person and forgive .... everything is good for a sec and then he tries again ! All my life all I did was try to chase love , only to get my heart ripped out over and over . I have been sexually assaulted so many times it’s to the point I can’t even cry about it , for fucks sake I make jokes about it . I don’t even care when people die anymore because that’s all that happens around me . Worst of all I’m not even smart . I’m an idiot , I can’t do anything . Couldnt finish high school . Just like my drug addicted father for died when I was 8. He was a good man ...he just made some mistakes . I feel like a failure . My whole life I’ve always been a failure. Even now . My love says I am doing good and that I can make it big ....I don’t think so . I am not good at anything . I have mental problems , I have a weird personality, I am ugly , I don’t know how to do anything and no one likes me . I can never work in the industry . All I ever wanted in life was acceptance. I never got that . The only glimpse I got of that was from my dad but then he died and now I have no one . Soon my love will leave me too just like everyone else . Then I will truly be left alone . There’s no hope for me . This is pointless . I’m over it .",-0.4265573808910013,1.6404343693843622,1.6906353260996951,98.01828103395748,88.83361064891848,4.583918820744769,17.61620304187856,6.005518107083978,-0.4735309179536453,2140,55,511,18,71,712,222,601,0.188,0.627,0.185,-0.6546,2,2,2,0,2,2,95.0,0,10,3,4,39,47,9,0,22,0,70,21,3,5,14,88,124,34,5,8,15,4,7,10,1,2,8,4,2,5,25,22,0,0,25,1,0,5,29,15,0,5,16,11,86,32,53,100,13,67,0,0,0,10,45,29,2,5,42,347,111,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586686595201008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147671638568987,0.05938858585739025,0.0,0.08956039406185684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674434399335797,0.0,0.0,0.17714778309198895,0.04790869161700899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03280644760284733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951938277415178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05487019201596186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04296863147367895,0.0,0.05911563469670233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756117892321426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241083191915599,0.0,0.04495734025543595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28436586824507804,0.09736142355438752,0.0,0.0514246126639513,0.14510220798960166,0.0,0.0507340387093506,0.0,0.1632694704743796,0.19223498666863406,0.05167292330620375,0.0,0.0,0.04577685770543349,0.0,0.0,0.04157901240237594,0.09950621379403214,0.08435175103926802,0.0,0.09175661457815804,0.18055715699238628,0.08608501502667704,0.0,0.0,0.05328745988432488,0.047590346108699985,0.0,0.0,0.05313331403145835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377360612118142,0.0,0.056860795364485475,0.0,0.053452593384351835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908145088579655,0.0,0.29576509447237004,0.0,0.0,0.0569846129369805,0.05847251317767298,0.0,0.22807595437554698,0.2629235107915798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34000468255408445,0.05092310793919274,0.07184675836578705,0.054562163913096234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847009979126844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03956181257513496,0.0,0.20753559793154092,0.0,0.114470342665077,0.0505037688067556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056472067381036176,0.0,0.10940372252020948,0.08186076646717291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05137457874908107,0.07462009957413393,0.14097323227630293,0.0,0.0,0.0508746213366616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05149576396784678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191913905101358,0.0,0.1283927220516463,0.0,0.054465849672684315,0.0,0.048993130760218065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045599113892092466,0.04143108709339666,0.05322655769185749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407715814929622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150747343390565,0.10345160937655974,0.0,0.0,0.09414367465394732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826916304711022,0.05853762747692665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05927201003516591,0.0,0.03174276149535411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060084948902765285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039179541058285146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931298662906779 bpd,sonotstacy,2020/02/18,"Please help. I don’t know how to deal with splitting. Not for me. I don’t split as badly as I used to. So you’d think I could deal. But no. I have been recently seeing an individual with BPD and he’s “split” on me but I really don’t know what to do. Like, I don’t. I’m freaking out. He just said he didn’t want to talk to me anymore for no reason. He said he had no reason. I kept pushing him for why. He was really hurtful. Because I didn’t leave he said he was just going to keep messing with me. That he never liked me to begin with. I don’t feel like I can trust him now. Even if he says yesterday was a mistake. He could just be doing that - toying with me more. Its difficult because I know I’ve said and done worse to others. But that doesn’t mean I can deal with it and I don’t know how.",-1.2548998459167962,0.6859157570621477,1.547727272727272,98.29598228043145,91.99435028248587,4.574114021571649,15.390087313816128,6.1124844417494595,-0.7294045197740111,607,13,152,6,22,210,88,177,0.183,0.7290000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9539,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,0,9,10,0,0,2,0,24,0,0,5,1,37,43,12,0,5,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,7,10,0,2,9,1,0,2,14,6,0,0,13,7,23,4,21,26,1,9,0,1,1,0,24,2,0,1,8,97,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856004694198692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823725146863293,0.15804484944267666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326688486523086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070011046068288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4009345003502513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265847733145214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562067085390695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554580162637831,0.09260908067053973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367281635168606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688955388643625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877366813562073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522282055934142,0.0,0.0,0.2849692864778675,0.0,0.0,0.13726150239126514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899948472677152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120718073627286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998014026437747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229693751259373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660910746789008,0.2665664398619074,0.12799589745888842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4932386245539362,0.10308851820755456,0.0,0.0,0.10329986914338794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041932394380718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306291000300164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196037101779917,0.0,0.0,0.07646027424488074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697265889120068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321060171085595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sun204,2020/02/18,"Can I keep up with the responsability of a new job? Third time trying to make this post, woah. After four years of unemployment, I've found a job. It requires of me staying at classes on a high school being a tutor for teenage kids and keeping up with their academic development. Bit of background: I'm basically out of college (psychology) because of financial and academic reasons, parents can't afford keeping me (25F) and my brother (24M) at uni at the same time. My brother is a top student and has fought really hard to stay in university and I, on the other hand, had two massive breakdowns/suicide attempts because of a history of sexual abuse from part of two close family members, one of which lasted from puberty to my teenage years. Finally, three years ago I was diagnosed with BPD. Currently I'm on minimal medication and not going to therapy. So today I need to sign the contract for the job, but I don't feel capable of doing it. I've passed all the tests for it, though I had a nervous breakdown the morning before the last one (staying at a summer class all day, giving a small presentation at the end). I've talked with my mom about it, and she thinks I should sign the papers and get back to therapy ASAP, or at last resource, intern myself at the hospital for a few days before classes at the school begin (monday next week). She has also given me other options not signing and keep studying languages like english or french (we're not american), going on the teaching program and start working on it. But I'm so, so tired of beginning again and I'm not sold on it because I want to finish my college career and feel like I can never finish what I begin and that I'm getting too old for it and to keep living from my parents (turning 26 in two months). I'm utterly afraid of signing, and then not being capable of going anymore or even present me the first day. This has happened before while working at a library, it started with me working at an office but changed to attending people and I just couldn't do it. Left without previous notice. The talk with my mom scalated into a fight, and we're currently not talking. She's my main support so I'm completely lost right now. Any advice? I desperately need it.",6.918409090909094,6.776076764568767,7.747217365967367,71.35621066433569,64.57109557109557,10.32016317016317,37.45541958041958,9.928628108626363,3.839154545454546,1768,84,308,34,24,595,224,429,0.077,0.88,0.043,-0.9352,10,0,0,0,2,1,54.0,0,0,1,8,13,8,2,2,28,0,17,4,1,2,3,66,55,31,0,5,14,6,4,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,17,26,0,6,5,0,1,5,11,5,0,9,8,4,30,3,62,43,7,78,0,1,0,0,17,28,0,4,43,213,47,24,0.0,0.09355796511780293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716150063787118,0.06999572734039955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314649510079136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053697388338694856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830984552101097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06071749264550465,0.0,0.14440490696342498,0.0,0.2015744928620661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620688882945139,0.0,0.09945083901736876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353213588785574,0.0,0.08279095737449506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15277335410519513,0.0,0.0,0.08014554490410353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993757290773263,0.0,0.0,0.05215416194582135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443906787667268,0.0,0.07985189367935969,0.05641101550332653,0.0,0.08649985001645141,0.0,0.06716568805880441,0.0,0.0865785967652136,0.0,0.0,0.08250957188854745,0.0757482799034119,0.13462907811946653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982651281824613,0.0,0.07073512808620212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342849718523243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23507508203173985,0.3509286708089366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930955788873791,0.0,0.0,0.08579327583771125,0.0,0.0,0.0771544373918739,0.0,0.0697255686664665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619718637658988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270825917633889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954667901119297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18496047338545168,0.06302732613216584,0.0,0.0,0.11709978027859284,0.06090095271049069,0.07626273103917361,0.08397779700062752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989963196729385,0.08285813950266514,0.0,0.10701442705028938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535761311251885,0.08550898025093781,0.0,0.05474283930937349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562450209511551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05058556958365405,0.08118687423975363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743377035468125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982906876279687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178050378431556,0.2524914053137458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637244936212098,0.08960601062187767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19040183973511715,0.0,0.0,0.18060160821346535,0.0,0.0,0.0505961518028687,0.07758051626025829,0.0,0.09208764721547733,0.0907560831348514,0.07484746888999026,0.0,0.0,0.05361053457245038,0.08588881421520284,0.2314054446806161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04657428499005342,0.0,0.06333916758259135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611728822014392,0.0,0.17245750133886215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254829640041465 bpd,gucciballgag,2020/02/18,"I’m in love with someone with BPD [M] [24] Hey everyone, first time posting here and I’m desperate for direction. I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years. She has BLD and it’s been an uphill battle to say the least. I am a recovering alcoholic with 8 years clean and went to school for addiction counseling so I like to believe I understand mental health and addiction well but I didn’t realize how crushing BPD can truly be. I am truly in love with my girlfriend and I’m hoping to get some feedback on how I can be the best possible partner and have a successful,healthy, and sane relationship. TLDR; need help and direction with relationship with someone who has BPD",3.1017710196779973,5.648540930232557,4.562170542635659,80.0281932021467,77.68217054263566,8.620393559928441,29.302921884317232,9.265573868473778,3.063518306499702,536,25,98,15,13,178,79,129,0.048,0.705,0.247,0.9834,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,1,0,5,0,13,6,0,2,0,23,23,12,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,0,4,1,1,1,2,15,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,4,1,10,6,17,17,3,9,0,0,0,2,12,3,0,2,5,65,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141826005993721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400008645758576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235241909608036,0.15122505160137298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5444702877288451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769462839047894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257219032107684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528679628785473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531725662185801,0.0,0.0,0.09658782600899156,0.0,0.0,0.1431247529400481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040044297493582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601134581286157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521985979591878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068490249239878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624521640791497,0.13800887226262973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094209736116578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459485536281913,0.0,0.14583784966277868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24419252638175765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402641993954874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500141658822897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956405550759534,0.1335830198292761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18559256826865891 bpd,Yep4198,2020/02/18,"I'm an actual insane person I made excuses for my insane moments in my childhood telling myself I was a child. Then I blamed depression and anxiety for my behavior. But no I'm actually insane beyond that. I am the toxic guy in online games. I am the person that would start drama, be passive aggressive, toxic in relationships. Except they don't exist because I've withdrawn myself from as much social interaction as possible. Now I remembered why. Not long ago I used to think I was just depressed and anxious and that I wasn't really insane. A bit of medicine and I would be alright, on my way to an okay life. But I am insane. The bad kind.",2.995133333333332,5.348609200000006,5.1813,76.46848333333334,77.0,8.006666666666666,26.416666666666664,8.841846274778883,2.4973866666666664,510,20,88,12,12,177,79,125,0.259,0.6729999999999999,0.068,-0.9735,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,3,7,1,0,7,2,11,1,0,2,0,15,17,9,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,3,4,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,18,3,14,9,2,13,0,2,0,0,11,5,0,0,7,65,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.35306790739576044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035843287494642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838929741839012,0.20436741766482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510453545736691,0.11027599093057767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974977919507485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116207204035174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912111405830222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18838127184917947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277762132852697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009230267967892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117355274918153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298355669432946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159127553655345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20393947408116928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589025463043374,0.0,0.0,0.19422071409679664,0.2049263496756497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18440649109234006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804314701705435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811605030265294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591449822577995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624097719705898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359134094892528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632356374345525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25701473998234425,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yawn_zz,2020/02/18,"Wish I could find someone with the Coronavirus or get it on my own. Seems that everything keeps overfilling to end existence. So much so that I wish now that I could get the Coronavirus. I even go places where I could hopefully come into contact with someone with it. Wish there was a way in society that we could just end things officially simply. As I do not wish my end to have it impact innocent people. Or harm others in any way.",3.8585714285714303,5.812979142857145,4.682857142857143,82.86214285714287,73.04761904761905,9.085714285714287,26.285714285714285,9.606745405546679,2.449257142857143,344,12,67,9,7,111,54,84,0.039,0.778,0.183,0.8991,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,22,18,5,0,9,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,9,1,10,13,2,14,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,4,4,50,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092826976119574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758557100556236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4359473512574792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36270442256251023,0.0,0.0,0.09015919200659628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268043195151875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476161207772128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426347592740416,0.0,0.07757801391736323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355786518243287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213304719379832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034568714179164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463425307087107,0.0,0.14261697394969847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426754618547604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23131773388131865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068677710192348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21670005124393849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6278885798960765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,conniemoo,2020/02/18,Life falling apart I’ve been friends with my best friend for over 20 years now. But are friendship has ended after a s sexual stupid one night thing together. I feel lost,2.2486363636363653,5.023149545454551,2.288106060606061,93.3521590909091,83.84848484848484,5.724242424242425,20.37121212121212,7.1686216300943375,0.5737939393939393,137,4,27,2,4,41,32,33,0.171,0.515,0.314,0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,2,1,5,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,1,2,3,4,3,1,8,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36175687704874737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053149636700777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742981419291221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5326515423067494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434822318640837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762968849626992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.323491453896157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335876450140636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290131716118652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219850057558749 bpd,anon-13-13,2020/02/18,"Is this BPD I know that relatives of mine have bpd so I was wondering if the things I do show that I might have it. I get unreasonably mad when my bf goes out with other people. It’s like I think he’s cheating on me with his friends or cares about them more and is trying to keep me away from his friends as best he can. He’s protective of his phone because he likes privacy in some way (we live together) and this puts me in a bad mood too. If he’s texting someone I’ll get mad, if he’s made plans with someone else I’ll get mad, if he talks to someone I have ‘suspicions’ about I’ll get mad. I am just so jealous and suspicious of cheating even though he loves me more than anything. I don’t think it’s just a me problem though because he can happily make plans with friends but would rather be at home with me and this makes me jealous. I just want to have fun with him and I want whatever my problems are with other people to go away. I also don’t think it helps that he’s got a close friend group and while I still have friends I feel like I don’t at all and I just need new friends. It’s like I’m ok with him and his friends as long as I have something to make him jealous over if needed.",2.8241085271317843,3.46651962790698,3.766666666666669,93.5866666666667,73.65116279069767,7.283720930232557,26.348837209302324,7.3871296695380915,0.9655255813953488,936,31,226,10,18,301,123,258,0.126,0.675,0.198,0.96,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,1,3,16,29,9,0,4,1,20,1,0,4,1,52,44,25,0,13,12,0,1,4,8,2,0,0,1,0,14,19,0,2,6,1,0,2,3,12,0,0,3,1,36,16,32,38,5,18,0,0,0,1,32,10,0,9,9,141,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119869389868764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355587931652744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079374835891427,0.0,0.08477872747705989,0.12379140303591887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655628133435577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557633079223042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352321800786292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482070802601295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706389364321598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05133989987687868,0.07253768832391347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5491278789331464,0.0,0.21219449981495375,0.0,0.057705526842180825,0.0,0.08120800611764199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805776855555372,0.0,0.10184937765959147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025029710930403,0.0,0.0,0.055801799172257915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984223996821549,0.0,0.0896585803855547,0.08985659796267237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164064594358948,0.09607628133128146,0.20332918537890154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771416958780787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505760406696884,0.0,0.09806457418806444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078523424401926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19431341512980504,0.0,0.10207221642565936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580946139413857,0.07816775017344127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108717160448793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161118405553969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674563318398469,0.1951814476544644,0.1995181706368348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893661128056583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197777043499029,0.08059493916072187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011199151070557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212860885411497,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,freakystonergoddess,2020/02/18,"DAE feel like they're evil? I realized recently that I don't really feel love. I just say it so I can go on using people and because it makes them feel. What is wrong with me?",0.17684210526315525,2.1284227368421083,2.709736842105261,92.55565789473684,84.78947368421052,6.957894736842108,17.394736842105264,8.07648339933343,0.511294736842105,136,3,32,3,4,47,32,38,0.273,0.6679999999999999,0.06,-0.873,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,9,10,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,4,6,2,2,10,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,18,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19835829528962048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4935897697336503,0.2324628665208097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18492996528819025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897198021419862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29368246684037835,0.0,0.2172042624676908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22558851730996754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20845691936374844,0.0,0.3212891544842005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587678473255181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810375461572897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557692900647949,0.0,0.0 bpd,chonkyseal95,2020/02/18,"DAE only focus on her/his SO I realized my behaviour in romantic relationships is always the same: I am only interested in my boyfriend. Everything in my head and behaviour evolves around him and I cannot stand any second without him. My friends (that I have lost anyways), my job, my family, my hobby is not as important for me. Fortunately, he feels the same way and we enjoy spending 24/7 together very much and we love each other so bad. We always choose us voluntarily and do everything together And honestly, We do not really see it as a big issue because it makes us so happy and we need us close to each other and we share the Same Hobbies anyways. We‘re like twins. But I Know this is not what is considered a normal social life and I never Met anybody else being like this. All Girls love to have free time with their friends and going out but I feel like even if I had friends I would Never love to go with them (maybe also because I never hast female friends that cared about me and that I felt comfortable with). But I Wonder: 1. why I am like this and 2. if anybody Else can relate?? ❤️🧐",2.276702974444909,4.637679663594472,4.026403435274403,83.76350125680774,79.55299539170507,7.2634268956849635,24.149350649350648,8.296473431620573,1.7155824884792632,865,31,167,18,22,290,126,217,0.068,0.745,0.187,0.9799,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,9,0,2,1,9,21,0,0,5,0,15,5,1,1,4,53,31,23,0,5,9,0,3,4,4,1,1,0,0,1,11,26,0,0,7,0,2,2,8,2,0,1,4,4,35,20,17,25,7,16,0,1,1,3,26,8,0,3,8,121,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029292473596892,0.1878979130637481,0.0,0.0,0.07678168417811533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051254538064318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427392106637207,0.13765600529521413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511778925498635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864120684995808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457503083464984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029498444245888,0.0,0.10644013008918138,0.0,0.11417990839407108,0.08066188897723325,0.10840991213630546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489314552261656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833705917761515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019324846339455,0.0,0.0,0.11587674397103362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784718914974228,0.11204431143441032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062051584956267024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975064628379737,0.22064565253703813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325301744033255,0.0,0.30571311740300666,0.0,0.07536733228307815,0.0,0.1134318120207814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300077392192846,0.08372025739842665,0.26124609753843125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062640390936128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17174407663232358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233210679155733,0.0,0.0,0.12122152529547373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997349413120052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509604538606905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583788210151466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40744524215861416,0.0,0.0,0.0931613765230848,0.0,0.08962154963747107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188240242250117,0.0,0.0,0.10883981075113344,0.12244450353362735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020699272208373,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdmess,2020/02/18,(tw self harm) my fp started dating someone and i dont know what to do with myself my fp knows i have feelings for him but we'll never work out because he's gay and i'm biologically female. he and my other friend have been hiding that theyre dating. i just found out through our mutual friend and im having a breakdown. i want to hurt myself very very badly. ive been pulling my hair out and scratching my arms. i dont know what to do with myself. i cant lose my fp. i think i might do something very stupid and i dont know how to control myself. it feels like the world is crumbling around me,0.12278215223097533,2.3258197559055134,2.1135748031496067,94.98936482939631,87.66141732283464,4.016587926509187,17.91548556430446,5.2151,-0.6069323884514435,467,12,104,2,15,155,77,127,0.133,0.7440000000000001,0.12300000000000001,-0.5039,0,0,1,0,0,2,10.0,2,0,0,3,3,8,1,0,2,0,16,3,2,2,1,27,27,8,0,1,2,0,4,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,5,12,0,1,8,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,4,24,3,12,22,0,10,0,2,0,1,8,5,0,1,5,67,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856311055402898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996275935120416,0.09488389836270156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745767396950859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5472682844957752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740446339252118,0.11119768380675807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066417510181695,0.2405124038157753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662848133593072,0.0,0.1681306642434878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34216865541657143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604361184460494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17413456063840774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512197242690374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200482711152776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162378783705699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318832730792541,0.11982836741168205,0.0,0.0,0.1101711518988297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997353945823286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852871320385354,0.09180747004181124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133163711193458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,boahri,2020/02/18,Tired I’m tired. Tired of suffering from this mental illness. Tired from fighting every single day. I’m tired of feeling that intense. Tired from holding it all together. It’s unfair and I‘m so incredibly tired of it. fml,1.5807926829268304,3.9532261951219527,2.8136280487804903,84.01849085365855,104.1219512195122,4.976829268292684,24.63719512195122,6.6274283507984215,1.6155585365853655,178,8,29,3,8,57,27,41,0.5329999999999999,0.42,0.047,-0.9816,0,0,0,0,2,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,4,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,4,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871482820950848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028358838908924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061714244574810236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123001873800213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9819830181131054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SooticaTheWitchesCat,2020/02/18,"So I am in floating between energy I have diagnosed BDD and OCD. Until recently, I was on meds for this. The meds massively helped me manage the OCD symptoms and three was definite progress there but my BPD traits never went away. I never became able to regulate my emotions or systematically respond appropriately to certain situation. I physically shut down or need some kind of med tohelp me manage.. My clinginess is usually directed at people outside my family group and I obsess over what I say to make sure I don't offend them. It can infiltrate those that are closest to me but more in the way that I have an impeccable standard that I must achieve for them and if I don't then massive anxiety occurs. With ""outsiders"" I catastrophize any and all interpretations of my communications with them and how it will affect their view of me.in order to regulate my fear of being rejected I actively avoid social situation or contact and avoid creating meaningful relationships. I am constantly vibrating on the response I get from others and how they will perceive me but none of it brings me happiness. I always feels empty and less than. Grasping for tomorrow's dream or at lower times no dream. My screensaver would be emptiness. I am not depressed per se. I am not ""busy"" I levitate towards despair and emptiness and manically fixate on a new change being the fixer for all my problems. I genuinely have no idea who I am and people equate that to my becoming a mother but it so pre-ecisted before that.i have tried to kill myself multiple times- in more recent years it is usually alcoholic related and last self harmed in 2015 but I imagine it very day. My mood drops and webs and flows so much each day it is hard for mr to handle.i physically can't image certain emotions and will seek anything to cancel them out be it alcohol or prescription medication. I managed to stop drugs a few years back when I started teaching. Anger doesn't affect me much because I an never angry. The abuse I suffered as a child makes it hard for me to find value enough in a lot of life and as such I don,'t often feel involved enough to give an emotional response. Also: my relationship with reality is a jaunt I can no longer rely on. I have had fleeting occasions when under duress my head has become paranoid and caused my to have subtle delusions such as not recognising my own hands. Anyway sorry for any and all spelling mistakes. No glasses and baby in bed. I am met with conflicting opinions on whether I have BPD so just looking for your advice. Didn't include my OCD and BDD symptoms although massive felt like keeping it separate",6.673194301848049,7.839054950718688,7.209378208418894,70.48119256930184,65.20123203285421,10.11214065708419,35.547292094455855,10.198262852665088,3.9298624743326496,2119,99,346,49,32,696,276,487,0.161,0.735,0.10400000000000001,-0.9869,1,3,3,0,1,1,37.0,0,1,6,2,16,21,3,4,15,0,38,10,2,7,10,84,52,48,1,6,16,1,6,1,0,5,8,1,1,3,19,27,2,5,10,2,0,3,16,14,0,1,7,9,61,6,57,36,16,51,0,4,2,0,23,21,0,10,25,268,80,5,0.0877553672173306,0.10397576028869647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575352920232257,0.0,0.187567598887949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017793545855837,0.073019495460715,0.0,0.0,0.11935331793510252,0.0,0.06713261572425519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221518997798962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244905623072292,0.06747846057458093,0.0,0.05349485733981437,0.19383781700499245,0.07467335401374439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22104962597592906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014893546063013,0.09283354256949096,0.0,0.0,0.09483237629658024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318990406956628,0.0,0.07558356919508763,0.08906985048962253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176836548692993,0.0,0.0,0.2961389297099539,0.0,0.18134950564764046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827279501848221,0.09874918556384316,0.08874350083768212,0.0,0.08425891440792954,0.0,0.08020681581411686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04584855740184382,0.08418294459056737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934172202072712,0.15722314423193193,0.0,0.09006232418903634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588205728420263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906512796835652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780010024983274,0.09708831178662747,0.09138371079711008,0.0,0.07153233683496305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06198421110013224,0.042872839727572255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369240670855702,0.0,0.0,0.0746064750465456,0.0,0.0,0.1171547780983246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29242928984112904,0.08840430013858679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902058433340627,0.06506949284743016,0.20304704743436994,0.08475468049680321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167704439460802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397003480576869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329567648145894,0.18843284572406574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978659025375182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915479867421166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19728141911606603,0.0,0.08945554558408539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823494896206747,0.06211370059082288,0.0,0.0,0.07336741641891759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270839506022225,0.18242285493758567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234172066878926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059580133926975226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19330027800998795,0.07240736843983397,0.0,0.06965612582099663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135010459386788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062338895046703376,0.0,0.0,0.1130231586304586 bpd,LordWilliamII,2020/02/18,"my self image Self-Image I have felt disconnected my entire life. Longed for it, reached for it, but the feeling of being one with the world has always escaped me. I’ve been told and like to think I’m very self aware, but I’ve felt for a long time that I am more of a character in a television show than a real, breathing, feeling person. I know all of the social norms, and how I’m supposed to react to things, but I can’t figure out what Will actually wants to do with himself. People seem so stupid to me. Their struggles and successes so simple and blunt, it’s hard for me to see the beauty in life at most times. I’m on medication now, but my life used to be filled with driving with my eyes closed, laying down in the shower and crying, sobbing myself to sleep, binge drinking, having random sex, driving belligerently intoxicated all of the time, smoking a lot of pot, doing coke, doing roofies, and pretty much anything to make me feel like I was either out of or a part of this world. Trying to feel an extreme. I’ve never been one for monotony. I’ve felt the need to be a large presence my entire life, and I feel that no matter what I accomplish, I will still feel empty inside. I move from hobby to hobby, obsession to the next one, with everything. I feel like a conduit for life itself, with nothing truly happening inside me. Sometimes I feel like the devil is inside me, like I am a demon. I am an extremely good liar, very skilled at manipulation. I’ve believed for a long time that we are all just truly animals roaming around in this world, the only difference between us and beasts is our ability to articulate our emotions. I’ve been to rehab twice, the second time I took a psych test and I was told I had borderline personality disorder, bipolar type 1, narcolepsy, OCD, poly-substance abuse disorder, and general anxiety disorder. I’ve tried to kill myself twice by overdose (which is really just a half-assed attempt), and I’ve had constant suicidal behavior the past 4 years. Like almost beckoning death. Since I’ve been on Effexor and seroquel, it’s been a lot better, but on some days, like this, it’s harder for me to cope with all of this. I’ve been sober for 6 months, and it hasn’t been easy. I went to AA for a couple of months and now I see a therapist weekly. I have a good full-time job, and I’m 20 years old. Some things about me make me feel even worse for the way I feel. I wasn’t molested as a child or anything, I was just bullied a lot as a kid. My parents treated me like the greatest thing on earth until I was 4, and then they had sky-high expectations for me as their oldest child. I don’t know what is wrong with me. Sometimes I just wish I would die. I feel kind of ashamed for feeling the way I do because life could be so much worse. I just feel calloused I suppose by all of the little bad shit that happened. I had somewhat of a transformation during my senior year where I realized if I didn’t change the way I looked, I wouldn’t sleep with anybody/wouldn’t be loved, so I lost a bunch of weight and changed my whole look. While I was at rehab, a lot of the people there told me I looked like a sorority girls wet dream, but I don’t think any girl, no matter how beautiful, could fill the black hole inside me. I’ve had a girlfriend now for 5 months, and I just have this aching feeling she’s going to leave me. I’ve slept with like 15 girls, so it’s not my first rodeo, but that kind of stuff still hurts. Does anyone here relate to this? I feel like I’m going crazy",4.60005895357406,5.165092152542375,5.42927536231884,83.55096168017691,69.56497175141243,8.303414394497668,27.679439941046425,8.321376580360154,1.7166040530582172,2756,87,566,38,46,901,316,708,0.183,0.682,0.135,-0.9936,4,0,1,0,1,1,92.0,4,0,3,7,24,33,5,3,45,0,51,22,6,7,6,111,102,41,4,9,18,1,21,11,1,4,11,0,1,10,27,33,3,0,25,3,0,9,11,14,1,7,29,28,76,19,84,62,21,65,2,3,7,2,26,21,2,14,43,367,103,7,0.0,0.06573543712396847,0.054141061091995214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05555580537380421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04616430251968594,0.0,0.0,0.037728709580365935,0.0,0.04244250609619312,0.0,0.0,0.038793324551473135,0.0,0.09131161084108268,0.04938949535220682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04632398243133719,0.03382045797360062,0.0,0.0,0.06250763582488658,0.0,0.04906808090673544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738223377502804,0.0,0.0,0.059954817277138674,0.0,0.08859348702006763,0.061388227128152326,0.06094283242873949,0.03578039632205453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057580102122849086,0.05796541712667265,0.1907567179368184,0.0,0.04855144573977887,0.0,0.0,0.054349864974594826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240820597626761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03664441214626665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04986238464054298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207898651050177,0.15854140299220792,0.15981022561847333,0.0,0.0,0.047191768853868166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306180550661282,0.09306898774623518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812262028508703,0.0,0.04969971887387272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861829855065381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05939312831229551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055055933345179525,0.0,0.06138106225144786,0.11554901178080455,0.06098137212998725,0.0,0.0,0.058745943184954234,0.0,0.0,0.2351255254188984,0.2981551986399473,0.05560613510521959,0.0,0.14729575174936044,0.13976918911448127,0.0,0.06056362724634661,0.18867048380684096,0.050073406372322826,0.0,0.07406746080117023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589086626645493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285225353617028,0.058967096130564674,0.08156924734762742,0.041138160893311286,0.042790057935200326,0.0,0.05900424605850786,0.0,0.0,0.05323513070715962,0.0,0.058217555422761226,0.0,0.1127852684461048,0.0421954953109502,0.0,0.0,0.0616046390943452,0.0600800817732897,0.05296250915457028,0.07692652286478753,0.09688703747754628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056443714443711275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314906749171352,0.03554229214540351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884217080243302,0.05050745328876337,0.1736350927255456,0.0,0.05695003721784005,0.04589412450884965,0.0,0.11104133211308156,0.05655548346850816,0.0,0.0,0.109743461364019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861375546901262,0.0,0.0,0.0580003678193123,0.06351201181639768,0.06068677003756735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441725117819846,0.11057653343087977,0.0710994547896457,0.0,0.0,0.16175591612657114,0.0,0.0,0.15904226868430335,0.06164098647581185,0.07533536925759954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667363290080307,0.0479174238966845,0.0,0.09155460853900907,0.03272389452573573,0.13211375035369122,0.04450318968424901,0.06756042257314725,0.0,0.05143107076794142,0.0,0.061942107045919376,0.0637999503754496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307893969174405,0.03941182545183786,0.06065932511350707,0.0,0.10718305954785877 bpd,andriarmonet,2020/02/18,"I can be having a good day, or just normal day, and something in my brain just like clicks. It’s like a switch is turned on and I have to be the meanest person on earth. Words come out without effort, I say thing I don’t even mean. Even to the people I love, for no reason at all. And there’s nothing I can do to stop it, sometimes I try to force myself, but it just makes matters worse and I just have to isolate myself and wait it out. It’s terrible and I hate it so much but I have no idea how to stop it. Anyone else experiencing this?",1.2204310344827611,2.684242250000004,2.971931034482761,94.41617241379312,79.08620689655173,5.329655172413793,19.35862068965517,5.6839178017228535,-0.35815241379310336,415,9,98,2,10,138,70,116,0.20199999999999999,0.722,0.076,-0.9528,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,9,6,1,0,4,0,11,2,1,3,1,29,18,11,0,1,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,9,9,0,3,3,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,3,13,4,14,16,2,11,0,0,1,1,3,6,0,1,6,73,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327081248272139,0.19446601122159254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21187246887708527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349041392555946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448023909461033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854823101903145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250713816232693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918989911501155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873819247313636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21425391588926976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18544716966114466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712961686118155,0.0,0.12668872734269446,0.0,0.0,0.20674091202962772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952016209267842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859574685373679,0.18211211471976071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157901155543114,0.16572048428910569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19513947026698594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093151894178422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611241524812416,0.18771076129789596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173519600449688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609045990232132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885742202986986,0.2064409778644671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18295429452764025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19341593196052986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Brettina_,2020/02/18,"Any black folks with BPD I'm wondering because I've only ever met three people, and one is my sibling, who was recently diagnosed as well. I LOVE connecting with anyone who has BPD, but I do wish i knew people who looked like me. If you are here, say hello. 🤗",0.9379874213836494,3.2596907547169844,3.217264150943397,87.72954402515724,84.84905660377359,6.552201257861638,20.154088050314463,7.793537801064563,1.0009899371069189,202,6,41,4,6,69,44,53,0.0,0.792,0.20800000000000002,0.8838,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,9,12,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,3,6,3,3,9,0,2,0,0,2,1,8,0,0,2,3,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540198164333835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978705810201796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930415981992358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5756279006312424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319438036618219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20671014843342145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164372080489073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19189991920967814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062489458144796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485160957127514,0.17380036743043709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168551012500229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256367229781148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18172891387002066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054676452048635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627876444057101,0.0,0.24782106167819534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,neozonelight,2020/02/18,"I'm going to start asking my sister to call out my bullshit more (but gently). It's 2/17/2020. I have DBT group therapy next month. I need to start working on my bpd symptoms more seriously now. I've been untreated for so long. I've had so many self pity parties about living with this disorder, but truth is, that is not helpful for me when I haven't made any progress so far whatsoever. But this will certainly be an experiment and I'm hoping for starters, if I can try this method with my sister, I can improve my interactions with other people more. I really trust my sister and she's stuck by my side since we were very young. We've been through similar traumas. I feel like I've not done enough to reciprocate what she's done for me because bpd makes me so selfish at times. On top of that, avpd traits sometimes make me too reliant on her because she's someone I'm most comfortable socializing with in general. I want to improve some communication between us so our relationship is not so one sided.",4.01561224489796,5.9032966326530625,5.021173469387758,80.88186224489796,72.46938775510203,8.16530612244898,29.5969387755102,8.841846274778883,2.433404081632653,804,34,154,16,16,263,124,196,0.11900000000000001,0.7070000000000001,0.174,0.9212,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,3,0,0,3,10,10,0,0,1,0,15,1,0,3,2,27,30,13,0,4,7,3,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,8,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,8,1,26,6,24,20,6,21,0,1,0,0,18,10,0,4,11,99,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334845019647153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420764381025993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852855268776791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38281526909111707,0.0,0.15518382532341615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17417691887342862,0.0,0.0,0.3110470977551709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15703116324567387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866105514725667,0.0,0.0,0.07684330385830293,0.1085712211831497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637109429646883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186587433116018,0.0,0.0,0.15094581479980765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424747996994174,0.0,0.13419701932792572,0.1344934033271978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380275180942392,0.202889453917936,0.15407915252834165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130527530876242,0.0,0.0,0.11268779715883345,0.0,0.0,0.16162751000451533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298243105001237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536057296293712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735930145803963,0.0,0.0,0.16316465188074608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854343577694935,0.0,0.0,0.1257155808896739,0.0,0.0,0.1549197317266368,0.12876822179793646,0.0,0.1503075082253808,0.0,0.21513787142539856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579605801027372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17379705875194196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861804937262535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318128746448768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18280763512704531,0.0,0.0,0.12539558079366794,0.08963899961708638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063986560952682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,clear-tape,2020/02/18,"My thoughts on why we have the fear of abandonment I see a lot of posts and memes on here about crafting a different personality for each person we talk to/become friends with, and I definitely relate. I feel as though I show a different part of myself with each close friend I have, so when they leave it’s like I can never be that version of myself again with anybody else. It also comes down to how much of my deeper self I share with that person. With certain people I feel comfortable opening up about some things, but not others. So everybody I’ve been close with knows one or two very personal things about me, and I find it difficult to share those specific things with anybody else after that.",6.580166666666668,6.879923192592592,6.3749537037037065,79.4135416666667,65.22222222222223,9.712962962962962,30.208333333333336,9.516144504307137,2.517388888888889,561,18,107,10,8,176,88,135,0.066,0.8140000000000001,0.12,0.621,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,1,0,11,10,0,1,4,0,5,0,0,1,2,32,11,12,0,0,3,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,11,18,0,1,5,1,0,1,2,3,0,2,2,3,17,7,24,8,7,13,0,1,1,0,13,7,0,3,5,84,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000744903259837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573572443259948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926827292632942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135733365037574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507211952951173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688655811278685,0.15175540694042622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715728879718408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318807035621666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247215870796497,0.0,0.0,0.1588978594798192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331449828027015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275804523622284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103155222319886,0.0,0.11573988337397532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016883706648461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250647914685734,0.0,0.10403662923545272,0.5241261619735493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372141424966384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958289691920425,0.0,0.15655120489372742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061708804399228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990908566323864,0.0,0.14743874281803074,0.11913536652765765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465923382554016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123819880434631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541091122908774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Paluris,2020/02/18,"Me, great liar - student of psychology and my personal hell with final work which I shouldn't write at all. Need advice or feeling that I am not alone in this, please. Hi, I wasn't diagnosed but I feel and experience lots of things in the same way as you. I study uni, focusing mainly on psychology (""best way how to understand myself XD""). Sadly I've got to the point where I have to write final work about people thinking and behaviour and despite that I know the theory well, I feel like a great liar because I can't manage my own moods and relationships (everything seems so nice in textbook!). I have anxiety because of this and lots of bad ideas came to my mind recently. So I wonder does someone else have the same experience? How did you manage these things (in some healthy way)? I was also thinking about leaving the school but don't want to waste 4 years which I spent by studying... I try to tell to myself that the work will be written and based on hard data and it will be doublechecked by teacher but... (Sorry for my English I am not native speaker.)",4.137908536585364,5.810899678048781,4.890777439024394,82.81860518292686,71.73170731707317,7.85670731707317,27.44664634146341,8.472884824447931,1.934567073170732,834,30,160,14,16,269,123,205,0.105,0.7559999999999999,0.14,0.8253,0,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,2,0,4,9,12,3,0,7,0,15,1,0,2,1,40,30,18,0,3,6,0,4,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,11,10,0,0,10,0,1,1,6,5,1,0,7,5,24,6,25,18,9,17,1,1,0,0,8,9,1,6,5,112,35,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168956589322633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289758322991155,0.0,0.09958683427577836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526533707419856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397759715080587,0.15182502755876706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068686478538558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242948560020208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263956310729095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897730292732548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402908455498272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191980203380908,0.2436290537635797,0.0,0.0,0.18889878107471897,0.08896446973488066,0.0,0.27283370881371616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959825532655173,0.2745901862318516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155468671622737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057954850095788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843859500242201,0.0,0.0,0.13185960476915282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083921330804925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21174241213601414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574010132789662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923376380092087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633362876888827,0.10873505280884957,0.0,0.1366968713979738,0.11772138330835465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295864577449113,0.13369893583088702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603130987655692,0.0,0.11336770621904815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055141173334694,0.0,0.0,0.13940147310477646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884496929978267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546479302163555,0.15958797322137566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845478979218214,0.0,0.0,0.12964043195851818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734511961972565,0.29653906230362315,0.0,0.0,0.11196769334091984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504779601546993,0.2719786201599154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019342899096246 bpd,stressed-employee,2020/02/18,"“Don’t date boys who make you cry” That’s what my mom always told me. Yet here I am, sobbing because my boyfriend doesn’t treat me right. I get so damn attached to people. It makes me sick.",-0.238500000000002,1.9622421500000016,0.8049999999999997,103.54000000000002,90.0,3.2,18.0,3.1291,-1.1016500000000002,146,4,35,0,5,45,35,40,0.276,0.664,0.06,-0.8687,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,2,7,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,8,1,1,6,0,3,0,1,0,0,5,1,2,0,2,19,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975423791073774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21798270478959372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927943099033469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18682529592833466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4773863634531206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4188034719409112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479069257018059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053787291271927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.341691252187646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,eightyeightmistake,2020/02/18,"I feel stuck in this cycle amd I'm exhausted . Can anyone relate ? Like most with BPD, I have a hard time sticking jobs out. I'm in my early 30's and for along as I can remember I have not been able to stay employed for longer than 6 months at a time. Dont get me wrong, I love to work. Construction, trucking, rig work etc. I get really attached and passionate about the things i do. I'm high output, always early, stay for overtime when I'm asked but.. the minute I feel undervalued or get in a spat with a boss or employee I leave. I feel like every time i get myself dug out of a financial hole i start digging a new one. I dont know how to be anything else. I feel I'm only looking to validate myself. I want to be able to hold my head high and maybe make up for the fact I have a personality disorder. It's not so my boss will lick my bag or anything. I dont know how to be anything different and I'm wondering if anybody has experienced anything like this. I read alot about borserliners losing jobs because they can't come to work on time and call in sick etc but, that's not the case. If ever I've been fired it's because I've threatened or assaulted somebody. Ontop of this it doesent seem like BPD is something I could ever get disability for but so many times I come close to not making rent I have to liquidate my stuff just to get by. I dont even think I could handle being on disability anyways. I love to be at work I just can't handle myself sometimes. I can't be in this cycle forever. I wont make it and i know that. This sort of turned Into a rant and I apologize for that but I haven't had anybody to share this with. Cheers",1.4609528097982682,3.278663657060523,3.5335869956772363,89.04242660302593,79.57636887608068,6.758249279538907,22.65931195965418,7.756953410329674,0.9747032420749276,1287,41,283,21,32,438,164,347,0.09,0.809,0.1,0.5038,6,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,1,5,13,13,1,0,13,0,30,7,2,7,3,61,65,23,0,5,16,0,6,4,0,2,2,0,1,1,15,17,0,1,11,1,1,2,13,4,0,1,4,9,40,9,44,51,4,33,0,1,1,3,8,16,0,11,17,178,55,10,0.16556701809747668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688825111771925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05788415433933612,0.0,0.2724950973400353,0.0,0.07739140600828978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092811749471928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20852586334553755,0.0,0.08453121848994538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262132578529796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219179163995698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649114738419354,0.0948770733967313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880866242628693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915499926235381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846509908433791,0.054677726976823236,0.14976484675984075,0.06974867679703044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674313181647113,0.0591405554053459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595058002877963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415776376937565,0.0,0.08495976332694431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749306448800599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429971805175206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648695479217302,0.0,0.0,0.08765578308752177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177536385861854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951729804141665,0.09261357142400684,0.0,0.0,0.14943069800094075,0.0,0.16577590534354672,0.08392948478989169,0.08316716169934044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607700712195748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995282889596758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05609624818547873,0.0629605889993521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228336699256117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280591144197197,0.0,0.05303323568951983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377757807158776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536299750681122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637307897020426,0.08187500721804754,0.0,0.05859459378907971,0.1764724118991816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476731207979178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499768496621195,0.053044329946841585,0.0,0.0,0.2413586492683211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900446859619843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04882785848370692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977518425528629,0.24106952213726296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090510771571829,0.0,0.0 bpd,mushroomsandpeas,2020/02/18,"A successful day despite my feelings! Normally I would spend most of the day in bed. Saturday morning: feeling intense despair and pain. I can't deal with life. I have no one to reach out to who can help me. Everyone will think I'm overreacting until they find my body. 11am: I have to stay alive for my cats. At least until my partner gets back from his work trip. 11.10am: I must make the catio for my cats awesome. Spends 4 hours getting materials and assembling, hasn't eaten anything all day. 3pm: I feel nothing. I'm playing 3 different games on my phone to keep my brain distracted from the void that is inside me. 4pm: my therapist always talks about getting out of my head into my body. I reluctantly go to the gym. 4:15: I get competitive with the other people there, I want them to admire how hard I'm working and how fit I am. 4:30: A lady tries to get my help because someone swore at her, I retreat into the corner and can't make eye contact with anyone. 5.10: home, shower, feeling calm and grounded. 6pm: I drive to a new friends house for dinner. I'm feeling good. I'm dancing in my car along to music. 6.20: I arrive. I knock on the door. Twice. Three times. No one answers. Are they inside listening to me knocking? Giggling and wondering what I'll do? Should I try the door, maybe it's unlocked? But I don't know these people well and that could be rude. Are their neighbors watching me suspiciously? 6.30: gets into car, orders pizza and goes home. Binge watches TV show while playing games on my phone and stuffing my face with food. 8pm: my stomach can't take anymore food. I've run out of lives in all my games. The TV alone is not enough to distract me from my feelings. I somehow convince myself to do a mindfulness meditation. It's finishes but I didn't actually listen to it. I put on another one and actually pay attention. 8.30: I feel calmer, and doing chores seems manageable. I fold some clothes and empty and restack the dishwasher. The place is still a mess but I feel accomplished. I go back to my TV show and watch it without any other distractions. 11pm: I'm tired. I hop into bed and can feel my thoughts starting to pick up. I put on a sleep meditation/hypnosis thing and it works! I had a very deep sleep.",0.6172118475955948,3.1247435801354406,2.343754360763392,90.21407055886179,94.01128668171556,5.213065189137423,22.964942882550105,6.850034144686104,1.0095240030097823,1758,72,348,28,66,575,244,443,0.071,0.818,0.111,0.8958,2,1,0,0,0,0,76.0,0,0,4,5,9,17,1,3,18,0,26,17,9,5,3,68,63,24,0,6,5,0,10,0,3,4,3,2,9,1,13,28,5,1,17,12,3,10,10,7,1,5,4,16,57,10,51,53,6,50,0,1,4,0,23,23,0,5,15,207,70,7,0.0,0.0,0.17639801835377011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360766100948477,0.0,0.0,0.0752043949537641,0.0,0.0,0.06146231225236772,0.0947725639774089,0.0,0.0,0.08963385979758512,0.06319663337043713,0.0,0.07437602293058436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899512090310173,0.0,0.05509553789704141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007862664667215,0.0,0.10089530504893966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216203023263683,0.0,0.0,0.17486518216917946,0.09317904394933853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944291126546328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338793538180852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636310551409718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41129503292381786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826067753058341,0.0,0.21857860074583094,0.0,0.06982828745340396,0.0,0.2833226658568444,0.0,0.10273143249146678,0.07580745868986344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096379850400467,0.0,0.09275718157228567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116122039759385,0.0,0.1813194166643675,0.0,0.08900727167528129,0.10428776481086977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803349593373966,0.0,0.0,0.04967114138170265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383891128061472,0.0,0.0,0.07980825149859481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066029965335953,0.0,0.09080005895156276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125924268589296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729072182771919,0.0,0.0,0.08855438185831956,0.08672319468943042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837339114908148,0.0,0.09617196437434754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253178818303655,0.0,0.0944291126546328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18171612988934846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227964591509207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18089293546378668,0.0,0.07657969366043889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397227537384513,0.09633432881656964,0.07217853948715129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795541094751187,0.07264498137483337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493953412109344,0.06004525025375643,0.057912620652263526,0.0,0.07175257356013336,0.05270200193018471,0.10387988863168723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272579795222074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457395178307727,0.05330917080983315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126354911177143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712424721443476,0.0980145511306063,0.1973957603057963,0.0,0.0,0.06420420812953702,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,watthefrickk,2020/02/18,"DAE have a weird “I have to take care of you” complex? Just me? Ok cool Kind of a rant, whatever. I’m with my current bf for over a year now. He’s got major depression and I obviously have bpd. Even though it’s really hard for me most days to function like a normal adult, I find myself putting his needs and wants always before my own. I feel like this might have a lot to do with my fear of abandonment, or maybe I get enjoyment out of pushing everyone to be the best version of themselves besides doing that for myself. Idk, I’m going to be 22 soon and I’m feeling like I really need to be focusing on myself 100% to better my future and provide my own source of stability, but it’s hard to when I feel like I have to take care of my boyfriend.",2.6419230769230744,3.8596185769230793,4.456923076923079,86.26307692307694,74.76923076923076,7.764102564102564,25.179487179487186,8.344100000000001,1.477510256410257,582,19,126,10,12,198,94,156,0.09,0.741,0.16899999999999998,0.9067,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,2,7,16,0,1,6,2,11,0,0,0,1,24,27,8,0,4,3,0,5,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,5,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,1,6,21,12,24,22,7,13,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,4,11,83,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275543042170665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044335152798095,0.0,0.1608743815175586,0.13557759085943932,0.0,0.0,0.19307057013268447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125903693554045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886304586805657,0.0,0.1320333633927782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125036531781788,0.0,0.0,0.1464806124781461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250028334384584,0.2325327386552657,0.3285434401339386,0.0,0.0,0.14010949432183195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009067717942238,0.0,0.08712148007259325,0.0,0.12260457661295653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746456770591222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159633883717674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995701466714428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032652382225698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400613686947182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626225145633812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22733364106512466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501972400716058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410452093460922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19641030395524295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305185798389527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061224876081855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041777671660764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871740600617757 bpd,panoramaviewz,2020/02/18,"How to deal with fear of abandonment in relationships? I've noticed the same pattern in all my relationships/crushes that whenever the guy doesn't show me attention or pulls away, I get this intense anxiety where I desperately feel like I need to get him back to me. Recently there was this guy who seemed interested and now he has slowly just disappeared and the day I realized he's not so into me anymore, I felt so horrible and just heart broken. There is now another interest, some other guy i had my eye on so I added him on fb. I soon enough messaged him and he seemed to like our conversation. This was about two days ago and I been waiting for him to message me but something tells me that he doesn't want to or never will. I spend days ruminating over it, I can't even enjoy myself because I'm busy obsessing over him. I bet he is just doing his own thing and not even stressing about it and I'm over here getting worked up over it. What can I do to deal with this fear of abandonment/clingyness? It's a miserable feeling. :(",4.754404181184668,5.726687468292687,5.7772996515679464,79.72274390243903,69.4390243902439,9.7595818815331,30.7404181184669,9.957137785484203,2.9329442508710812,821,33,164,20,14,272,122,205,0.16399999999999998,0.774,0.062,-0.9699,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,1,19,11,0,5,4,0,14,2,2,1,2,35,27,14,0,2,8,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,14,10,0,2,7,1,2,2,6,6,0,1,5,4,28,5,25,21,5,24,0,2,1,0,23,12,0,6,12,121,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524627078767184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815631650875105,0.10808750813931983,0.0,0.14012306879486314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274788923795322,0.108644338938645,0.0,0.0861299051995652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733637266793051,0.29133038820458124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599175047985544,0.0,0.18664322917894105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179841358252549,0.14288231980269864,0.10093857999042913,0.13566186865539984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22145672120253945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4197019979478844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16743094881675136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805564889781102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476575747706056,0.10897261167543963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608611564864618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395081782537414,0.15169405009908188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25725270586390714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108772996298431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184878220080892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349488141684875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386770525236897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380211339913319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333730830795498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286179710660566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,I4gotmyname420,2020/02/18,"Dealing with my best friend, I find it hard and don't really know what to do. I don't have BPD. I think my best friend has BPD, honestly I know this may sound hard to hear for a lot of you; but it's so tiresome and draining. I love her and all don't get me wrong. But what can I do? Do clingy and abandoment behaviours eventually tone down? If I go out without her somewhere, or even to my girlfriends a lot of the time it's ""oh."" or ""Thanks for the invite"". I get a lot of ""What the fuck"" this and ""Fuck up"" that. She is really impatient with EVERYTHING and any problem you explain you have (that isn't remotely a situation she's been through) the answer is always the same ""Yeah same"" ""I know exactly how that feels"". She cares for me a lot but man the behaviours of the stereotypical BPD individual are present, there are other scenarios of I could explain but I don't plan to explain them all... I need advice.",1.65780780780781,3.727433378378379,3.4075225225225227,88.9381906906907,80.08108108108108,7.3543543543543555,23.79129129129129,8.344100000000001,1.4253363363363358,705,25,155,15,18,235,96,185,0.096,0.743,0.162,0.9161,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,3,1,3,4,12,2,0,12,1,19,3,0,1,3,41,37,15,0,4,8,0,3,0,3,1,0,2,0,1,12,9,0,0,10,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,1,5,26,8,19,34,10,6,0,0,0,3,19,3,2,8,2,115,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536503072606406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067488577692998,0.0,0.0,0.08724266225177449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692681611451917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4847361982107219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308017988228276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243037400119527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322629683510195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473536751851335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530018467757958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648680690622421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725616452767733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982354869079127,0.23720696575149586,0.1340540934208498,0.0,0.07291105182223875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298480831148195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459391562451146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21151706399023826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4362755969847688,0.11578814458604765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512656850426802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275769978699308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437372090292732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442050921940206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181136348396735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220405348459582,0.0,0.0,0.07480784217014788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366848878804135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026668476496962,0.0,0.0 bpd,regina-phalange15,2020/02/18,"i need an advice hey! so today i did something very stupid and impulsive, i don’t know if i’m manic or not , but anyway, i asked my ex boyfriend (who has a gf) to come over and we made out even though i also have a girlfriend and i like her so much! i don’t even know why i did it , i don’t have any feelings for him. i think maybe i did it subconsciously to ruin my current relationship cuz everything is perfect and healthy and i’m not used to that! i don’t know. what should i do? i feel so guilty, should i tell her the truth? or just hide it from her? i don’t wanna hurt .",-0.7823809523809508,1.2097137777777789,1.5463174603174608,98.93757142857143,89.7936507936508,4.629841269841268,17.13015873015873,6.079149491110277,-0.5786946031746032,440,11,110,4,15,148,76,126,0.161,0.722,0.11599999999999999,-0.7742,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,1,9,6,1,0,4,0,15,0,0,3,2,30,28,15,0,5,7,1,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,6,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,4,2,23,3,8,22,1,5,0,2,0,0,13,2,0,3,3,78,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21138273361053525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17298884342560675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471031620814387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20222744765333414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863381748834364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857510346516876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19441201491189966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21875302359835705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23157211253241464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566469447866166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568169197886636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20468463210588927,0.0,0.0,0.21731977368686406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901808393260475,0.16039651546339415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322437945217913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665316034831433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18907082938015116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860737271632032,0.21253062040580886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050434795462026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18682866847020893,0.0,0.1784844031112221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951926910334077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dglaze5,2020/02/18,"Looking out for a friend suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder Hey hope everyone here is having a good day. My best friend has BPD and I love her so much and want the best for her. We've had quite the journey with each other, I liked her at one point and she liked me back but she was too afraid to tell me so she rejected me. Those feelings have been gone for a long time and we did have a bad disagre for quite a long time. She thought I still liked her even though everyone was telling her I didnt anymore. I caught she said some horrible things about me behind my back and we ended having a disagreement for a month. She lost one friend out of it but that friend was very toxic to her. She was abusive to her (me and many people saw it) but my friend wouldnt open to me about it. Her ex friend also told us about my friend having BPD but I was not supposed to know that. She thought it would be a surprise to us if we knew these things but we all knew. We ended up talking out our issues and we went back to being best friends. My friend really struggles opening up and I feel that's where she can run into problems. I've opened up alot about my life to her and where I dont suffer from mental illness, I have learning disabilities and at the age of 22 I suffer from back conditions you usually dont get until your 60. Last night she lost a very close friend of hers. She called me about it and I'm very surprised she let me come over. She had a few shots and wanted to get fucked up to forget about everything but I wouldn't let her. I opened up even more and started to cry because it hurts me knowing how hurt she is but doesnt open up anything to me. The conversation we had last night she said she would work on opening up. Opening up isnt a quick process, it can take a lot of time. What are the best ways about trying to get my friend to open up not about her mental illness because that's up to her if she wants too, but the other stuff going on in life? There are so many people that can relate to her but she's afraid to put herself out there because she has trust issues. I just want the best for her and to be the best friend I can possibly be for her. She has a heart of gold and deserves the best.",2.7622402207823384,4.0719341555075586,3.468597912167027,93.10149058075355,74.61555075593951,6.526733861291096,22.796316294696425,6.937597516519254,0.4429155747540192,1746,46,395,16,36,551,191,463,0.124,0.669,0.20800000000000002,0.9931,0,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,10,2,0,12,30,42,1,3,23,0,42,7,1,1,1,78,75,33,0,12,14,1,2,3,12,4,4,2,0,1,20,39,0,0,9,0,0,8,9,14,0,2,24,6,80,28,65,41,15,65,0,8,2,2,73,33,1,6,26,296,100,2,0.0,0.0692989450029365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0467729870525502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058004571509394025,0.0,0.0,0.0481307995706511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989524155464398,0.04883519835385299,0.1069615793076748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4296582530510616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732766397564792,0.0,0.059722984733563786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05038239963126244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424653394846752,0.03772004607239823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703253670372895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370954539056392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360635810044093,0.0,0.0,0.07726180012160128,0.0,0.0,0.1117759503133827,0.0525654167995232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059146775814315926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5422539967083218,0.05407139224167354,0.09167300096770037,0.0,0.033240188114571814,0.0490571215883318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930879067275306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05809197301391673,0.0,0.0,0.12522564122313815,0.0,0.0,0.12209295619559338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428716288095886,0.09535136771289446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961628069562474,0.08262388126139897,0.08572313068405805,0.0,0.0,0.10352042111264087,0.04911535174593475,0.0,0.12769354422358015,0.049724570387927054,0.05278787798674338,0.0,0.0,0.11859569584694425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788468455743628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046684717883886284,0.0,0.04299555181487552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977441463044224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926622693579291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109669777080229,0.051069634396679206,0.0,0.0,0.05529024772533804,0.0659366499356779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05596530198714241,0.0,0.058796788816077625,0.0,0.12441878606177192,0.0,0.0,0.03746903430515934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127133098373997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041398244256361016,0.0,0.04670874672339932,0.0,0.0,0.061144558787684225,0.06695498815334701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04397584241777131,0.047010594282905625,0.10224251783515524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771391346994766,0.0,0.05746435295861331,0.09286618457468104,0.10231480759227488,0.0,0.0,0.05588797515669135,0.0,0.03970964398633887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407081901624448,0.0,0.06441648177264041,0.14477665456027186,0.13799140714584182,0.046425205441961465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05421914115925392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042580101315006426,0.0,0.0,0.0830966688272434,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wereallmad_here,2020/02/18,"How to deal with relationship jealousy and the anger that comes with it I'm a lesbian in a relationship and I struggle intensely withy jealousy. Recently, it's been added to as she gets all the attention when we go out. Not only am I livid and jealous that other people say and think such disgustingly sexual things about my girlfriend but I'm also sad that it wasn't said about me. Am I completely fucked up? My brain is like, everyone can see she's better than you, you're disgusting and invisible. No one noticed you. Especially when she's around. Am I not good enough. Or just.not enough. Do I not matter. Will no one ever notice me as long as I'm with her. Then I.feel incredibly guilty because it's super selfish of me to take her experiences and make them all about me. How do you deal with this? It's tearing me up inside and all I want to do is leave and run away and hide. Thanks 🙂",2.22214107365793,4.56146351123596,3.7127340823970063,86.05732833957553,79.61797752808988,7.1016229712858925,23.372034956304606,8.167268648758528,1.4037031210986273,707,24,144,14,18,233,109,178,0.226,0.6659999999999999,0.10800000000000001,-0.9685,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,3,1,2,11,13,5,1,4,0,12,3,1,3,4,33,26,20,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,11,17,0,0,2,0,0,3,6,8,0,2,3,3,23,5,22,22,5,15,0,1,1,2,17,6,1,1,7,103,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294531919739153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686063455471112,0.0,0.0,0.14444319955516327,0.0,0.0,0.09371809341621673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596997987908488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162398235414947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243285483641934,0.16119280515598036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31699708101939783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177077340969177,0.0,0.0,0.13906606253543274,0.0,0.14690455705160418,0.0,0.1503866048084982,0.0,0.0,0.07773524517279197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212957088096545,0.08032247582772381,0.0,0.08737362728909895,0.1289492900208915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627877953494538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510929084423737,0.0,0.0,0.13605450516601214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262222374227407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3500665850196475,0.0,0.0,0.20835555277333065,0.11692571917216295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658352204536037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179908130186068,0.33011709753842344,0.0,0.0,0.1462413474891446,0.12225971822029068,0.0,0.0,0.122510373737606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072177064273332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155928736591626,0.0,0.0,0.14154255699675194,0.0,0.0,0.10213760655168844,0.09850998101532656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067946408352026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dgs-ex-lds,2020/02/18,"What have you found to work when dealing with idealizing your friends and/or splitting? I'm sure you know what it feels like to idealize friends and/or SO's. For example, with my FP, I've got it in my head that we are the best friends ever, that she and I get along so well, that we're some kind of match made in heaven to be friends. But, when I try and pull details to support any of those ideas, I can't think of any--I realize that we really don't have too much in common and don't really have a lot to talk about. We met through a mutual friend and just became really close emotionally over time, but we don't have hobbies or interests or even personal philosophies in common. How do you deal with idealizing people? Have you gotten better at noticing it and keeping it in check? How has that helped your friendships and relationships? Thanks for any thoughts. I'm having trouble making sense of it.",6.552711864406781,6.4124167288135645,6.446333333333335,80.37119491525426,65.32768361581921,10.017853107344633,31.824293785310736,9.642632912329526,2.677208361581922,719,25,144,13,10,227,107,177,0.019,0.754,0.22699999999999998,0.9856,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,4,6,0,6,12,19,0,0,3,0,14,1,1,4,2,39,30,16,0,3,5,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,13,15,0,1,7,0,1,1,4,1,1,0,6,1,16,18,24,23,4,15,1,0,0,0,23,8,0,4,7,95,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19169269818013304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791140885569087,0.1246529887736748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906129251231645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854236104589575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309179025298857,0.12749137969604832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126522084109993,0.10068999725561706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453716960955013,0.544462628426629,0.0,0.07363711229883878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272531703252325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464859651038414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447139393912814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910794944251258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527697502125446,0.0,0.14677086817088775,0.07745880983170007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885782874080992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982504341569655,0.0,0.1333640584240596,0.09408081780589383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360962040911197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046500165440225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771241114247377,0.12306634549207912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708758644267764,0.0,0.0,0.15132047121743006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599409066314647,0.13283749195697442,0.0,0.0,0.1132849707297732,0.0,0.1297617517043358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903108433826229,0.0,0.11189332066318876,0.0821852333508857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569132076081616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672504842452553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260847804034903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ParkingContext,2020/02/19,"I don't even fucking know anymore I felt semi normal earlier today and like I was starting to get better and now here I am having impulses to fucking claw my eyes out, I went out to buy cigarettes earlier and every time a car drove past I was watching it trying to work out whether it was going fast enougn to kill me if I just jumped on front of it. I'm not even suicidal. I don't want to die, I don't really car e either way, I just get like this and nothing makes snese and everything is a fucing mess and I need help, I need help so badly and no one will give me it, I don't want to call a hotline or anything because I can't explai. What the fuck is going on. I shod be in a hospital. I need help. I need something and no one will fucki ghelp me and I ahve tried and tried and no one fucking cares. Nk one gives a shit if I live or die. I do t k ow what the fuck I'm suplosed to do.",0.7176201851298885,2.061299167512693,3.245147805315021,92.43639295312036,80.16751269035534,6.259659599880563,21.74051955807704,7.048011613610866,0.4594564944759632,684,20,163,8,17,239,106,197,0.157,0.6990000000000001,0.145,-0.3509,0,0,2,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,2,7,13,7,0,7,0,17,7,2,1,0,33,43,17,4,9,9,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,14,0,0,2,0,1,8,9,9,0,4,6,3,24,4,15,34,1,21,0,0,2,5,6,6,6,4,8,102,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103588680716673,0.0,0.0,0.09157313676804084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929133182461961,0.06783464654816697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841723396245587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362830241733855,0.0,0.11345635853330788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23098007003688076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469974621779324,0.0,0.0937573583095206,0.0,0.10001039136667504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106845292456555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5143782194722193,0.11627737097572048,0.21349791645990315,0.12648484212039504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22376390742497915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311372796394793,0.0,0.06115602910653794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087305985680816,0.0,0.0982613971779575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742795976933468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33004787883329806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902979484248017,0.10677520328921747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016221257501845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622839855121702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128817791518678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142262960659089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856680120661086,0.0,0.0,0.07876385011389134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172116648632125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488768074096378,0.0,0.10547948204689576,0.0,0.0,0.2266534127134196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127047661894514,0.08832809189426936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031567493811096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101243852374614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Captain_Erica,2020/02/19,"What's helped improve my life the most Maybe this will help, just sharing my own experience. Your mileage may vary. I have a tendency to give people more chances than they deserve. And to hang onto people even if they are no longer healthy in my life. This is true for family, friends, strangers. I'm in my thirties now, and in the last two years I've found that taking full control and cutting people out of my life as soon as they show the beginning signs of being toxic has made such a difference. I no longer experience anxiety with people. I have, for these two years, been able to go without adopting a FP (and no desire to adopt one) for the first time in my life. I am able to communicate very clear boundaries and experience genuine happiness. HOWEVER, in the last few months I've been staying with family, my parents specifically. There are a lot of very unhealthy things about my mother and a lot of traumatic experiences I suffered growing up that she was aware of but chose not to intervene, or that she directly instigated and knew (by her own admission) was very very VERY wrong. I am currently helping care for my mother because her health has been very bad. I have been surprised how exhausting it is just being in their home, even if I don't directly interact with her. Everything about my being wants to dive into unhealthy habits, fears, anxiety, or just hang out in a disassociative state that is so hard to crawl out of in the few hours a day I can escape. I'm sharing this because I think it is easy for us to think that everything wrong is within us. But I genuinely believe we are the canaries in the mineshaft. We pick up on all the bad toxic shit before anyone else realizes anything is wrong. I'm spending every day fantasizing about running away to nowhere in particular just to getaway. Occasionally I sleep in my car because even having to sleep in their house sucks the energy and joy out of my being. That being said, being aware of what's causing me to have these feelings allows me to make healthier decisions for myself even if I can't fully resolve the trigger at this time. I've attempted to set boundaries with her, but it is not possible. She refuses to take any personal responsibility for any of her own actions, gaslights people, guilt-trips, will lose her shit over the smallest things, takes everything as a personal attack.. and now that she is sick and quite literally losing her mind I've decided it's no longer worth even trying to have any conversation with her about our relationship. The only reason I'm here is that I don't want to see my dad go through the struggle of taking care of her on his own. Anyways, I just wanted to put this out there -- healthy relationships are possible and I STRONGLY believe that it is allowing unhealthy toxic people in our lives that amplifies our coping mechanisms and acting out. We are not the problem, toxic relationships and trauma are. If you can take control please do. I've found that there is a lot of comfort in being alone until the right, healthy, positive people show up in my life than it is to allow sick people in to avoid being alone. Much love to everyone in this sub. :)",8.496080402010048,7.650057527638192,8.33917420435511,70.71891206030153,61.66331658291458,11.645092127303181,37.48793969849246,10.864195022040775,4.0403202010050245,2532,105,452,55,30,818,268,597,0.166,0.7020000000000001,0.132,-0.985,3,3,0,0,0,0,62.0,8,2,5,9,25,32,5,3,25,0,51,14,4,12,3,85,81,28,0,9,18,4,2,0,1,3,9,1,1,2,29,28,0,4,11,2,2,10,11,19,0,4,11,4,62,13,93,59,14,66,0,3,1,1,50,36,3,11,17,328,91,0,0.12036961932534605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466662404324072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278320318704172,0.0,0.09208242931775336,0.0,0.0,0.04208261828266662,0.06166644981116377,0.04952697027425515,0.0,0.0,0.06846890955251712,0.05654560984086585,0.0,0.10050360429430584,0.11006430406547536,0.0,0.05121284020224642,0.1356153414838352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272484911678737,0.06182637819238857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500476330985486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762844653469488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288031641373412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05027668572706498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987574958286853,0.0,0.05070829789035805,0.05750916479604036,0.16227067855764274,0.2354891696385119,0.11347376447815327,0.0677246432435892,0.03043124811664157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511931683536454,0.0,0.13197907467704295,0.04649863465050577,0.0,0.0,0.057734753527714365,0.06840882858156005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406784901790366,0.05391376795638942,0.0,0.0,0.06397363830284193,0.0,0.0,0.12102182782665012,0.0,0.06037027126109375,0.0,0.05926991421104175,0.06944518978350107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811730526923827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125515547051163,0.0,0.0,0.05314428956896807,0.0,0.0,0.13466281466886368,0.0,0.15350091883813202,0.05431914049241465,0.05694832211063984,0.04017382779254035,0.0,0.0604637306943905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06076950099864323,0.0,0.04803894087616849,0.0,0.04424276005501918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04078278462254383,0.04577325977985396,0.0,0.0,0.06682810873837114,0.0,0.0,0.33379655236676514,0.10510210872223802,0.0,0.06606484785047319,0.0,0.13569865992168514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057588734711090925,0.0,0.06050235686695742,0.0,0.06401395337090729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061880008099122384,0.0,0.19384788612437814,0.0,0.05139749860770964,0.05724953617193716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04795950114757548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235576844795588,0.0,0.0,0.1204565488248718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641489992566759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291823058257824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262574338717583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996822651309357,0.07712799175147655,0.0,0.0,0.07018849301544626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04086153512629159,0.0,0.1175836276911043,0.0,0.1447898313280685,0.0,0.0,0.297952626209226,0.10649568022108223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05801600881487555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974079241892885,0.0,0.07751408837253303 bpd,lossofcontrol_,2020/02/19,"Psychiatric hospital I’m thinking about admitting myself. Any help/advice/alternatives are encouraged. Please.",9.961000000000002,13.156320933333333,8.685833333333335,39.468750000000036,106.33333333333334,14.833333333333336,43.75,9.516144504307137,9.863999999999999,94,6,7,5,4,29,15,15,0.0,0.6759999999999999,0.324,0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4277674560454037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42163095660982536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6904949007391455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030621937492586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ellenetic,2020/02/19,"""Why doesn't my boyfriend care enough about me?!"" I'm currently having a slight mental breakdown over something I'm not sure whether I should be angrily upset over or not. Bit of backstory, i was asking my bf for reassurance over why he has no photos of me on his Facebook. I know its silly but in my own head I'm thinking ""he's obviously embarrassed of me etc"". He had photos of me up which disappeared and he claimed he didn't even remember uploading them.... I mentioned these thoughts i had been having and so he said that he only shares things on Facebook so he's not really on it. He then said that he would upload a photo of me if i wanted, to which i said no because that wasn't the point of the issue. I have looked on his Facebook to see that he had uploaded photos of his ex. Obviously this has me currently and probably unreasonably infuriated :(( I plan to talk to talk to him about how I'm feeling about this and i hope not to be defensive myself. I know Facebook doesn't define a relationship etc but I'm constantly comparing myself to other peoples relationships and how i feel like mine is lacking etc because of my peers. I know that I'm thinking and feeling irrationally about these things but i can't help how angry and attacked i feel right now. I feel better now from writing this down but would love to hear if anyone can relate/ has advice for me. Thanks.",4.0535617641890695,5.664524284132843,5.292303637322089,80.10419434194344,71.84132841328412,8.409137234229485,28.77192057634862,8.976282227363876,2.3896134598488845,1095,43,209,22,21,364,136,271,0.121,0.762,0.11699999999999999,0.3923,2,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,2,12,14,2,2,5,0,23,2,1,3,3,45,52,21,0,8,12,1,5,1,1,3,0,4,0,0,17,7,0,1,12,0,0,1,11,4,0,0,11,11,35,10,33,36,7,19,0,0,2,1,33,12,0,4,7,149,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458937969087127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199397009638884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962635115581057,0.13340514329864792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296653621702965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037108008934819,0.12802231468264605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955883473047133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672111895007687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116543512967418,0.3923422911058695,0.07745200671662048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29646193011467586,0.08377368533298978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034706860858045,0.0,0.13216546115393066,0.0,0.07859983160724476,0.0,0.0,0.11646997292256107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239353015888756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933362837810608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728944517697573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847253228188113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583566714600266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817489840722092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918483323432988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812963452903528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085272751726144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264308182207642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512255453797309,0.0,0.0,0.25179608472978765,0.13283766550404996,0.10014312644623516,0.3346357913414862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344451613058828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902758367067898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052027564740384,0.0,0.0,0.18850530836306195,0.0,0.10796127174320837,0.0,0.0,0.15581046619612465,0.15027653951536316,0.0,0.09309480674932068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916556031748168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21162569906887907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16660247993204674,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,alud_abatido,2020/02/19,"how do you cope with feeling empty, a void, or numb?",0.7690909090909095,2.356187727272733,2.6454545454545446,95.68818181818185,80.81818181818181,4.4,20.090909090909093,3.1291,-0.5321636363636362,39,1,9,0,1,13,11,11,0.331,0.551,0.11800000000000001,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,blueberry_jellyfish,2020/02/19,"""Good"" things about BPD Every time I see one of those ridiculous thinkpieces or pop psychology articles that go on about the supposed ""positives"" of BPD I want to scream. It's called Borderline Personality DISORDER for a reason! It's a shitty condition that has nearly ruined (and nearly ended) my life at multiple points! It's not some quirky personality trait that makes you feel sad sometimes! It has horrific stigma surrounding it to the point where some people think you're a complete monster and certain therapists refuse to treat you! It's not fun or cool! It fucking sucks! You wouldn't go up to someone with severe depression or schizophrenia or panic disorder or god knows what else and say ""oh but what are the good things about your disorder??? what gifts has your suffering given you???"" And I get it, we're borderline, we need validation and positivity and the reassurance that we're not bad people. But is this really the way to do it? Our pain is not cutesy or a blessing in disguise. We're people, we have strengths and weaknesses and good things and bad about us. We're not inherently evil people and we can beat the disorder, but saying that it's given us some sort of gift is ridiculous! Anyway, rant over. I guess the tl;dr is that I really wish that treatment or positivity surrounding BPD wasn't so hokey and fluffy and was more grounded and realistic.",5.185595238095238,7.469603829365081,5.713015873015872,75.47642857142857,70.23015873015873,9.244444444444444,28.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,2.977590476190477,1103,42,190,28,21,355,138,252,0.217,0.623,0.16,-0.8853,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,6,6,0,2,7,25,5,1,11,1,14,4,0,2,1,48,30,24,0,4,15,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,2,25,17,0,1,4,0,0,2,7,15,0,1,4,6,18,10,21,25,4,18,1,4,1,1,19,13,2,12,2,125,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092479546194328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867387409045415,0.0,0.10451620239150466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073175816636461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815846744677011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4692321526928375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550471681829885,0.0,0.09065641260714526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862387523909309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05175391366818178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462582287762296,0.05347641819823608,0.0,0.11634174829048158,0.2575523010886592,0.0,0.0,0.112755899441493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05625179448764118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229657337801247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068322955645008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589515589243752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935859832015727,0.0,0.10891325274541347,0.12009188751680185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838411012212009,0.17874539487520913,0.0,0.0,0.19351767991227906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311428486142435,0.10523829271389756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16279408105819695,0.0,0.0,0.08156391983815263,0.0,0.0,0.11563235149482146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672531111395741,0.0,0.1012320060928166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884238901711765,0.20400093393933055,0.06558514148361982,0.0,0.0,0.05968419688370765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24624163957592035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060371806189376966,0.08124487062536817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117703540326758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cookie321211,2020/02/19,"Fear of the unknown So even typing this has scared me silly. Its been 3 years since I sat in a room with a woman for little over an hour. The first person to even suggest it was more than depression. I was 3 months pregnant and I put it all down to hormones. Everything since that point has been hormones and I have never spoken about what was said. Not to my family friends gp no one. I don't know what it is I am afraid of I openly talk about how I am likely to errupt into tears. Ive lost some really good friends and have managed to remain friends with a few. Every ""romantic "" relationship is like nuclear explosions. A mixture of my oddness and the abilty to find someone who is not good for me has seen me hit some low places. I have to say reading some stories here has given me some strength and hope. Im not sure what my next move ahould be. Im not sure I'm ready to accept that there is something ""wrong"" with me.",3.3376190476190466,4.500308978835979,4.222089947089948,88.83726190476195,72.96825396825399,7.093121693121692,25.14021164021164,7.447530270364453,1.0465386243386243,723,22,154,8,14,233,117,189,0.121,0.728,0.151,0.7949,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,8,20,0,3,8,0,21,0,0,1,4,27,30,7,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,2,11,10,0,0,3,1,0,2,7,7,0,2,10,3,18,13,23,18,7,18,0,3,1,0,11,10,0,5,8,106,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348323677598705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18938732624725596,0.0,0.12079429905227093,0.0,0.12885052801081387,0.0,0.13515523505244026,0.16132962748745713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103637911910454,0.12194932870581175,0.0,0.0,0.3322988670398745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405016988053097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423974516283302,0.1411892735483113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097255601312873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879167888195912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400853935773868,0.14369308488953514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650385366039515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443551512806033,0.15237822110717528,0.0,0.0,0.1105747668971461,0.0,0.15247422108522588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715033015960556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518400419857464,0.14978975949469375,0.0,0.1355297464952875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412512533070293,0.0,0.0,0.1434074808203857,0.0,0.09184564963477797,0.0,0.0,0.1539243115448835,0.0,0.0,0.13637644883899194,0.11401253129301682,0.14353706277082065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371921125790311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147582004215406,0.11037221670180383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702465744697084,0.0,0.0,0.11523431686190838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675114870659132,0.0,0.0923247314658563 bpd,TheTapDancingShrimp,2020/02/19,"Perfectionism / asking for help I have this thing where I expect myself to do things perfectly, even if I've not been down or taught. Then I feel shame if I have to all for help. It really stresses me out and causes me to become overwhelmed and dizzy. Anyone else suffer from this?",3.3333333333333286,5.632353814814818,3.9182962962962975,86.20633333333332,75.66666666666666,6.542222222222222,18.20740740740741,7.554174236665415,0.4231674074074077,222,4,42,3,5,70,41,54,0.182,0.616,0.20199999999999999,0.079,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,12,7,6,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,1,7,1,8,5,1,4,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,3,1,34,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20743207205240224,0.30396396380388463,0.0,0.0,0.2773377255066658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276384560899803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30475227681413075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24782196360125525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959416066688633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000057291054394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3976908524881573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19004845267722492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398238506838221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941763987341838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lovinglincoln,2020/02/19,"Therapist unexpectedly passed away The past year I’ve been doing DBT therapy. Nancy was the first person I felt like saw me very thing and helped me know I was good and going to be okay. She helped me, and I knew she didn’t think I was crazy, or at least got me and taught me that I can cope and heal. She was more of a friend than a friend could be. She unexpectedly passed away, and I am struggling. I get that these things happen. I will miss Nancy for a very long time.",3.256530612244898,4.165259346938779,3.957755102040817,91.62295918367347,72.87755102040815,7.2326530612244895,19.102040816326532,7.447530270364453,0.014371428571428256,368,5,87,4,7,117,63,98,0.069,0.785,0.145,0.8155,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,0,7,0,1,5,1,13,1,0,0,0,12,24,7,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,11,2,17,5,7,9,2,11,0,1,1,0,9,3,0,1,6,57,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749150136211303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15930209869894554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19157242961368928,0.0,0.0,0.16971332933387898,0.0,0.0,0.3083004373357978,0.0,0.10424202112586588,0.0,0.11339296265280335,0.1673496051510356,0.159575987062566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764366644436676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674708101759143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965208491734728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747638132727206,0.0,0.0,0.17657071019827128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904663456530176,0.0,0.17421493301646926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20858373746671344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22817081979510975,0.23166044480853776,0.26510713048094553,0.1278456548592088,0.0,0.0,0.11634289509384177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32925312630534315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284856400868411 bpd,vthicci,2020/02/19,"psychosis & BPD hi, for a while i’ve thought that i had bipolar disorder but after doing a bunch of testing with a neuropsychologist, talking to a therapist and a psychiatrist they believe that it is BPD. i had terrible psychotic episodes for a while and it was terrifying and i didn’t realize that it can happen with other disorders besides depression bipolar and schizophrenia. has anyone else with bpd had psychotic episodes? i don’t know how common it is and still am not 100% sure if it is due to BPD or due to depression. idek, i’m just curious if anyone else has had this experience.",4.976936936936941,7.067695162162162,6.122702702702704,73.13288288288287,70.35135135135134,9.97837837837838,34.85585585585586,10.25414643259724,4.1331693693693685,477,25,82,14,9,159,67,111,0.20199999999999999,0.772,0.025,-0.9707,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,6,0,15,2,0,1,1,19,19,12,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,10,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,7,0,5,1,10,12,1,7,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,3,7,62,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514495874308504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19547229117431444,0.28643850418734523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574821303903464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7041828414439563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24078146383323226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203957823768281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23353344807844975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136729870355217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360537299209688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681842602446813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162702611441024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173926983056455,0.0,0.0,0.1123483973301081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229322730829987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096825260642668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Drowsy_Bunny,2020/02/19,"Angry with myself beyond belief today. I can't believe it, this is me, this is my shitty life and there is nothing more than I would love to do today than harm myself, I deserve it, I deserve everything that comes my way and I just want to stop, I'm sorry for the negativity, I just need to let my voice be heard in someway in all this silence that is driving me crazy, those empty meaningless days, where did my time go, how did I get here, I don't know anything and anyone, nothing makes sense, no purpose whatsoever.",7.435631067961165,5.939808679611655,7.910019417475728,75.04250485436893,64.14563106796118,9.793398058252427,34.19223300970874,8.238735603445708,2.6073782524271847,406,14,78,4,5,135,70,103,0.217,0.715,0.068,-0.9398,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,12,2,0,2,1,16,22,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,8,5,0,1,2,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,3,2,16,1,10,16,2,13,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,5,60,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751724389600996,0.0,0.1853818078456772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25380734008830225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940541277220353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528348573679895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202462291991492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769668487835674,0.0,0.12802875125239385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238050331851203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303585496287125,0.15911811787980973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20331912914005915,0.0,0.15037255020893858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703826747993794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4323141243699982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521764802912849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883396595210923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135943560766095,0.0,0.427067975666496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132872800535521,0.17881249825913414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16002861816720407,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,alicemacgee,2020/02/19,"Could my BPD be triggering ED? I never have dealt with eating disorder but lately I have been very suicidal, just been through my FP abandoning me, followed up with my family moving overseas and living me behind; I couldn’t cope with this and I got extremely suicidal, so I started fasting for days, been two days without water nearly two weeks without any food, I have eaten yesterday and felt terribly guilty, tried to fast today too and now by the end of the day I decided to eat and I feel terrible already. I don’t know if it’s because I’m disappointing myself with not following my fasting or if it’s eating disorder.",8.276582633053224,7.412656672268909,8.90298319327731,66.55794817927172,62.10924369747899,12.639215686274511,39.16106442577031,11.855464076750405,4.916175350140055,500,23,84,14,6,169,81,119,0.29,0.71,0.0,-0.9919,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,10,6,0,1,1,26,19,10,2,4,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,9,6,1,4,0,0,3,6,4,0,2,6,2,16,0,15,10,0,19,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,14,63,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605698822654339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894931181320098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869932417292625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18326016188990046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617498543243865,0.0,0.0,0.2815186868447789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335257804738309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4466679841547193,0.0,0.0,0.12887544298162626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717044285196878,0.0,0.07357238565045619,0.0,0.13970892035570245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594686343792085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637472527838914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799664880246406,0.0,0.1641375075573241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848477828779709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465022913952647,0.0,0.0,0.11222347205159844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299014780594602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183206739998464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792301202640792,0.0,0.0,0.09878926454341444,0.0,0.2842771341323581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005798248896925,0.0,0.0,0.1167164221020801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805258698603357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdchickenwings,2020/02/19,"I'm forcing myself to choose PEOPLE to latch onto instead of living my OWN life and it's making me sick. Seriously, everything else that comes with this God forsaken disorder and now I can't even fucking eat? I love food. Last night I was taken to the nicest restaurant I've ever been to and the food was horrible. Today, the food I ordered was horrible. Last time we went to a really nice restaurant everything tasted and looked like vomit. Only food I've been making or absolutely comfortable with is edible. I have been literally SPITTING food out the last couple months.. I've NEVER done that before and I've NEVER been a picky eater, even as a child. And now here I am, trying to get down fries and CHICKEN TENDERS that taste HORRIBLE. What in the effing hell!? Not only do I have to deal with my horrible choices and attitudes, I can't even enjoy a meal anymore. Is this me punishing myself? Subconsciously making myself lose weight? I know it's probably my anxiety that I'm trying to cover up. Because I'm actually in a position know where I need to toughen up. I am used to messing up each and every living situation I find myself in, but this one has really taken the cake and is showing me how messed up I really am. So, I'm on a business trip with B. B is a great man. I've known him for a few months now and he instantly took me in and fell in love, he bought me a 4k engagement ring that I chose. Almost a 20 year age difference. He has a GREAT CAREER, and would eventually pay for me to get my degree. He proposed around Christmas, and I said no. Because I'm an idiot. This... is the moment that switched something for me and B. It caused our first argument and rift. Ever since then it became different. Maybe because I... I don't know... SAID NO WHEN HE ASKED TO MARRY ME ON CHRISTMAS????? hfkshfksh Meanwhile, I have managed to split from every single friend and family member except one friend and one family member... and of course.. MY BELOVED FP. FP is my ex of like 3.5 years on and off. The relationship because full of passion, anger, lies, betrayal (on my part) which caused him to drink more and because slightly abusive, which made me violent too in return. I'm so obsessively in love with him... and thank god that is reciprocated. There was just so much general unhealthiness. He broke up with me, then I met B. Got drunk a few nights ago. Went to FP's house to ""talk"". B found us there. Me and B go back to our home, he ""breaks"" up with me and tells me to move out. I say ""Yes, I honestly can't trust myself or my decisions, this is best, please"" like, seriously okay with this whole breakup. Even if I'm left homeless because I've split from all my friends and family, I hate being with someone I know I have just WALKED ALL OVER. I hate the guilt, I can't fucking stand it. I can figure it out one way or another. (This entire paragraph happened twice in one month) But now, we are in a big city on a business trip and B is being more kind than ever. Like WTF I predestined this relationship to crash and burn but now it's like the fire was put out... and I'm still... here? It's crazy. Usually at moments like these... I'm GONE, son. GONE. I'm a ghost. I can't help it. I will run and run and avoid, so I can forget. And boy I will. But he's like forgiving me AGAIN and AGAIN and I'm not sure I can take it anymore. Like, are you telling me I'm going to have to be an ADULT and handle this like a NORMAL person? Damn. Even B is saying how grateful he is that he brought me so he knows I'm safe and sound, not out sleeping in my car or god knows where I would be. I've somehow wedged myself in between two men that love me dearly, and whom I care for, but I will always choose FP. And that makes this so hard. Knowing I'm going to have to hurt B not only in the ways I already have, but responsibly too? Like actually go through an adult breakup with him. BECAUSE OF ME. BECAUSE I WANT TO. But is that even what's best for me? Absolutely fucking not. Phew. I feel better now. Thanks. &#x200B; TL;DR; Turned down bf's proposal, now he won't let me split. Oh and I'm so distraught I think it's messing with my sense of taste.",1.7050424130891138,3.847902775656326,3.4566595738562853,88.26282499928116,80.31264916467781,6.568387152428329,22.506886735486106,7.694131981043704,1.0204187652759005,3218,104,673,53,83,1073,352,838,0.145,0.68,0.174,0.9888,1,1,2,0,0,1,149.0,5,1,0,5,43,62,11,4,30,2,57,27,2,10,8,125,127,63,1,6,20,2,4,10,4,6,4,6,1,7,38,59,13,2,17,3,2,20,16,23,0,8,25,14,87,39,88,91,15,103,1,3,1,8,54,40,5,7,48,426,125,3,0.0,0.06397001678271517,0.1053740490127847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04785939761564648,0.0,0.05406377378212773,0.0,0.059579955123478724,0.0,0.04492449333496374,0.058498778268939386,0.06560447255780295,0.0,0.056613837813044326,0.0413026511431534,0.0,0.10708830885586804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048063068944262086,0.05047391048882188,0.0,0.0,0.0415154286291571,0.0,0.2632972848529507,0.0,0.04594201279430478,0.0,0.1133195798387647,0.04775028654909469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504700155309148,0.11092641012382858,0.0,0.046508109897326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05973955740559255,0.0,0.0,0.05566192429889145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281734384506906,0.06187789002767369,0.0,0.0,0.05525111545436153,0.0,0.05289022065840095,0.0,0.05524584908777293,0.04510220737233669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21396164040731872,0.14651273041063415,0.09097879599163723,0.0,0.09704651621214228,0.0,0.15269256066112213,0.0,0.02729926293484665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04934641823701085,0.04592436557308942,0.3264281594981537,0.0591978917147349,0.1251389803569731,0.14974028258372735,0.056415706474580635,0.0,0.12273637882710417,0.0,0.04318120441872055,0.1190496251583551,0.0,0.0,0.04774369762357841,0.0,0.04836496096408598,0.10660905356991444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03618875227674005,0.0,0.05415696070984869,0.0,0.0,0.062297888282255076,0.057798039857107276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05622288788393152,0.2077027018061872,0.13202860287245866,0.0,0.0,0.0586609305607713,0.05520903300375527,0.038135148166547055,0.263770735533021,0.0,0.095349354641521,0.0,0.045338495057078695,0.060401656401031366,0.0,0.0,0.1949144501748362,0.05108719869253494,0.1441565438005234,0.0,0.05424080129481353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928431391280115,0.05738344938646201,0.03968929355364845,0.04003333601923553,0.08328173794861861,0.0,0.0,0.1013330166270866,0.05289931180247853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18292709460332748,0.12318682257057345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05846654418827753,0.0,0.037430274856285146,0.047142497902446616,0.0,0.05926545126601088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05821098426265666,0.0,0.0,0.054275452060271116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376325728616533,0.0,0.0,0.11593136967610805,0.0,0.0,0.10271482358300373,0.08587096333502442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04466157134579488,0.060687681709332864,0.05402957818210707,0.0,0.04574604901159116,0.041564591480070384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043116952381725776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050885489131153185,0.0,0.04059420208171515,0.043395588563656426,0.0943803052347303,0.09941455697054356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03459498799375258,0.0,0.0,0.031482345359037114,0.0,0.051176763357429336,0.0,0.05998552853500446,0.07331212883930921,0.05872625467939481,0.052740958189900634,0.0,0.06494402826605553,0.04663053209906657,0.05946300365618351,0.0,0.03184504695784305,0.08571042953503634,0.0,0.06574598960528896,0.0,0.10009962979248543,0.0,0.06027856207621408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670672763115276,0.0,0.06560447255780295,0.06953633553004106 bpd,Familiar_Move,2020/02/19,"I'm in love with someone with BPD and need advice Hey, I'm sorry if this is hard to read. My brain is kind of a mess right now and english is not my first language. If you have trouble understanding something feel free to ask. (Also this is a throwaway account, because I don't want to share personal details on my main, I hope thats ok) Also if I'm in the wrong place/I forgot any CWs please let me know. I have been in a relationship with my wonderful girlfriend for about 4.5 years now. About two years ago she got diagnosed with borderline. I started reading some books about the disorder, because I want to support her every way I can. But there are some problems in our relationship that (as far as I can tell/my therapist told me) are related to her having BPD. By far the biggest is that she is falling in love with other people quite often. We always talk about it very openly, and I really trust her and want her to be happy, but it's really hurtful for me. When she falls in love with somebody she wants to explore these new emotions and follow through with it, but I am really not made for a polyamorous relationship. I want her to be happy and I don't want to control her emotions/tell her to not do that, but I'm also really afraid to lose her. Has anyone experienced similar things and could share some advice or experiences? Thank you!",3.7495024077046537,5.369488647940076,4.836736222578921,83.03112359550563,72.63295880149813,7.782343499197433,27.32102728731942,8.418075326091056,1.9024016051364363,1067,39,208,18,21,350,144,267,0.115,0.762,0.12300000000000001,0.8829,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,2,2,0,4,12,21,0,1,7,1,23,5,1,2,0,49,51,21,0,13,11,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,12,16,0,2,5,3,2,4,5,7,0,2,5,3,34,15,37,42,4,26,0,2,0,3,30,12,0,10,9,145,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879894016917728,0.08526567520671023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307667373262041,0.08003688822595505,0.0,0.0,0.0654117650820258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725753042007783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992365705717663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727174751224195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422931587652929,0.10737864798580414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788405457780133,0.0767990268579172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762973056662423,0.0,0.0,0.11024083746200927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081995900181726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104331496207973,0.0,0.0,0.09409122243877087,0.0,0.0,0.048636008866610465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181824749396971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693106755270747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20478979113547505,0.08616638023878456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553730277550976,0.0,0.0,0.1029722298976335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016595979735743,0.052862915701497364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835968923762133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761079899079047,0.0,0.0,0.2604427713733186,0.09101628327879896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132286649051511,0.0,0.09289985978058067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666852868568181,0.08398845607845484,0.10049695020432686,0.10558655082141566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203980728262698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230875814888632,0.19242990318633635,0.0,0.2464843446966696,0.0,0.0,0.3098127119920257,0.0,0.08214481339788182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150056104628828,0.07405093114002421,0.0,0.10767562252178846,0.0680830137228594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915404823351657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731301153408335,0.08407335709365242,0.08855783553257805,0.0,0.1116827516277141,0.06390364533899973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919126365836441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939625995133831,0.10013605957115752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936593396036852,0.3404083084358148,0.07635028866486199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431278222742817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516748567578406,0.0,0.12388502354302387 bpd,Elegant_Fall,2020/02/19,"Suggest Series/Movies That Portray BPD or a similar disorder Netflix Or movies anything would work👇🏼 Get Creative 😊",5.5757142857142865,8.540671571428575,5.92404761904762,71.29178571428572,71.38095238095238,8.009523809523811,43.83333333333334,8.841846274778883,5.022504761904763,97,7,13,2,2,31,19,21,0.138,0.7140000000000001,0.14800000000000002,0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37234258718619856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5698675698111778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5185674945059429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23639583980822626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32940207159881746,0.0,0.0,0.32142026450519645,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thicclashxo,2020/02/19,"going to the doctor today after being diagnosed with BPD and major depressive disorder a while ago i’m going to the doctor. i haven’t been able to find a therapist that is under my insurance so i’m trying to talk to my doctor today about possibly being put on medication because i just can’t keep living like this and the people around me don’t deserve this either. i was prescribed antibiotics depressants years ago, but i was still living at home and my mother refused to let me take them. i’ve talked to a few people i know about medication and they all told me it was a terrible idea and i shouldn’t do it, but i feel like i have no other option. Ugh.",3.8672727272727268,5.298962090909093,5.738303030303032,77.43245454545456,72.03030303030303,8.613333333333333,24.56363636363637,9.120678840339163,2.0402218181818177,524,15,96,11,10,181,81,132,0.14800000000000002,0.813,0.039,-0.9169,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,6,6,0,0,7,0,14,6,0,0,1,20,23,9,0,1,4,1,1,2,0,1,6,0,1,0,6,7,0,2,4,0,0,3,5,4,0,0,5,1,16,2,15,14,4,15,0,2,0,0,7,4,0,1,10,73,22,3,0.13894278644178698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463287937052527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368853751454127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469823299459475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499357560060955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393424367349035,0.14102400351573582,0.0,0.0,0.15924047070078498,0.4266414882994136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025364758858611,0.09926075439609404,0.0,0.0,0.12699118964698206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579287749452752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937094350346005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684949371868573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349873262487003,0.0,0.0,0.07635932176062525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207841279851866,0.0,0.1357608543684522,0.0,0.2453780519558984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799404796351997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19265086718079508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663711517583284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967587662911773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109598887321251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044676837610995,0.22335389736539946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16132328407324412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263403030786443,0.13276578670743086,0.0,0.09433303154993736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947459905031728 bpd,strulia54,2020/02/19,"Borderlines, do you guys get mad/depressed when your boyfriend/girlfriend isn't dominant/strong enough to protect you and get their ass whooped in most of the fights they enter in? I'm don't know whether I'm a sociopath or a borderline yet, but I know I sure as hell do. It's not like I want to get spoiled or anything, it's an uncontrollable feeling that comes off automatically. Side note: I'm talking about getting mad at your partner, not the aggressor.",7.066363636363636,7.10656836363637,6.560363636363636,79.37554545454545,64.22727272727272,9.76727272727273,39.190909090909095,9.3871,3.511924545454546,368,19,72,6,5,114,64,88,0.24,0.67,0.091,-0.9412,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,4,2,0,3,6,3,1,5,0,4,1,1,0,1,14,16,7,0,1,6,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,0,1,9,2,9,16,2,9,1,0,0,1,10,5,2,3,3,41,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359753943777201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470145255997921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24698214537305335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962951501508871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449922281933638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5992717830056078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839330900361497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151867151508819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009428301566718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702637235827093,0.0,0.0,0.23048325863682684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16913586005452722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,EristelleStars,2020/02/19,"My boyfriend broke up with me So yeah. He was my favorite person, the only person I had to talk to. Now I have no one and it sucks. It's so lonely. I don't know what I'm gonna do now. He says it wasn't me, but him, but I don't know. Feels like it's my fault he left. Anyway I've been a crying mess for the past few days. I just want someone to talk to. Worst part is we live together so I've been at my mom's for the past few days. It hurts too much to see him. I really wish this was just some nightmare, but no. It's reality. I honestly don't know what to do with myself.",-2.3306683375104456,-0.5740059172932348,0.7773809523809554,102.64956349206348,96.89473684210527,4.158563074352549,12.652046783625732,5.82211442006289,-1.3007807852965745,435,7,119,4,18,152,74,133,0.23199999999999998,0.6759999999999999,0.092,-0.9646,0,2,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,0,9,9,1,0,4,1,13,0,0,0,0,16,23,7,0,2,5,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,9,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,6,3,17,2,12,16,6,9,0,3,1,0,12,3,1,1,7,77,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107475120686916,0.2474656725061809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970094033380074,0.13706372393979455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20538845220935426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31632118036088985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084547808684152,0.0,0.0,0.09373235362857776,0.0,0.16941453739087878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22470231246220265,0.0,0.0,0.1410380454496358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000825952097242,0.14591700619899833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077640184087229,0.3663012233733112,0.0,0.3350468182451901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290944388941845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257355000887726,0.0,0.0,0.15288635460766753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625610526656745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084171293642009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316309205944995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206277633625584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,beepbop24hha,2020/02/19,"Does anyone else go into all or nothing mode? For example everything I do in life I’m either full steam ahead or I’m not. I don’t have a middle ground and I’m wondering if this is common Some examples: I went vegan 10 months ago and I went full force and became heavily involved with activism to the point I pushed everyone who wasn’t vegan away from me. If I’m loosing weight I will do it 150% or give up completely. I rescued a hamster, did all my research and became obsessed with the correct care to the point I pissed people off. Everything in my life was about hamsters. This is the same with my bearded dragon. It’s like a switch that I can’t control and many people have told me I have no middle ground.",2.9319425287356324,4.621186372413798,4.421810344827588,84.88214080459773,74.93103448275863,7.591954022988506,25.8764367816092,8.344100000000001,1.7429885057471264,564,20,112,10,12,188,89,145,0.06,0.875,0.065,0.1761,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,1,1,7,0,13,4,1,1,3,23,24,10,0,2,7,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,9,1,1,1,0,0,4,5,2,0,0,6,1,15,2,15,17,7,22,0,0,0,0,4,14,1,7,5,75,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15977390500899286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602959221779872,0.1846795147349813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693435541981561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18376901581181165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18898060012759405,0.0,0.20215704204899212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577312328581169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056929580007375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222922156002038,0.3239802762929752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729048177330255,0.10243584075877744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546209039068137,0.08805727305984146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18273738061561026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386766737116666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17294732772341798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499146030786419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34077442594395146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222922156002038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194865380938994,0.0,0.3341727965391543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19546506279841488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GrandioseJam,2020/02/19,"Recently discovered BPD and noticed some similarities. Made a throw away account because I want to share some anecdotal things that I'm kind of ashamed of admitting. I get deeply invested into new very early relationships and develop strong emotions that are most likely unwarranted. Then joke about getting ghosted or them breaking up with me playfully, all while deep down knowing I'm testing them because I'm scared they will leave me because I constantly feel like I'm not good enough for somebody to stick around or see past my flaws. Then I feel like I push people away because I can't control myself like obsessing over texts, or worrying that I said something wrong and wondering when it'll all go wrong, or self-deprecating trying to prepare to be abandoned again. I feel like I look to others and try to follow people that I think are doing better in life. I'm actually pretty financially stable but I feel like I have no direction and am afraid to move forward. I don't know if I want to go to school again, or try to just find an entry level job and work my way up from somewhere. The other part is I feel like I don't know which field I want to be in. I'm just constantly unsure of myself and it's hard for me to stick to one path. Sometimes I'm unsure if life really matters, like in the grand scheme of things. Sometimes I feel like not existing would be simpler, but also terrifies me. Sometimes I seriously get into a funk about the whole thing. I feel like the only thing I value is a relationship knowing somebody cares about me is one of the few things that ties me down. THIS is the something I feel deeply ashamed of, and I know I'm a bad person for it but these are things I've done. In response to being broken up with or abandoned. I truly at the time felt like I wanted to die, and openly admitted it. I did feel this way but I knew it wouldn't change anything. I've made fake accounts pretending to be other people, and tested people about their reasons why they left (example a girl told me the only reason we wouldn't work is because she's religious, and then I managed to get her to unknowingly admit she didn't really care about that at all.) When I think about it rationally I know these things are wrong, but when the hurt comes to my heart my brain almost clicks off and says it's okay to do these things because of how bitter my heart is currently but I always eventually feel somewhat guilty about it. I still worry and think about these people years later, I try to tell myself they don't matter or that they weren't really all that great but I can't seem to 100% let go and it haunts me. I try to change myself lose weight, improve appearance, change clothes, mindset, because I feel like I'm never good enough for somebody that they'll eventually find some flaw in me and leave me because of it. I try to be the best most thoughtful caring person I can be and people tell me I'm sweet but I'm always scared they'll drop me for something better if it comes along that no matter how much I try that if I'm not the best option I'll be let go. I don't know how to pull myself out of it. I guess I think I'm really afraid of being abandoned, I feel like I don't have a strong sense of self to know that I'm worth it, I feel like I overreact to slights when I should be able to let it go more easily. I feel like the world lacks meaning sometimes just stuff like that. I'm not convinced yet that I'm truly up to this level but a lot of what I read feels like it resonated with my experience. I'm just wondering if anybody has dealt with these similar situations. Or maybe I'm just overthinking things again.",5.783369700449804,5.844346699588481,6.221037419848791,80.65683893195522,66.91495198902606,9.250531151306346,29.573515806935273,8.973190933345348,2.1937247647302764,2900,92,579,45,43,939,284,729,0.14300000000000002,0.684,0.174,0.9743,2,0,3,0,0,0,51.0,1,0,9,10,28,56,1,7,20,1,49,6,3,8,5,139,131,50,2,14,31,0,18,17,0,8,2,2,0,4,52,29,1,4,41,4,4,14,18,19,0,2,11,25,85,37,81,99,21,69,0,5,3,0,28,28,0,28,42,374,137,8,0.04262253390313347,0.0,0.04159344471502587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04268031089172188,0.0,0.0,0.034085224963238465,0.07093072525481699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03507471372702798,0.03794309167573312,0.0,0.0,0.08009054730002514,0.0,0.03558803546468594,0.20785840847434686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945943945993315,0.07539233510768659,0.0,0.0,0.05368158937846334,0.04758084395418096,0.0,0.0,0.13036954187166128,0.0,0.13526696796961354,0.07343107780095184,0.0,0.0921196344334243,0.04780479603998495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04423546096118835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04361765041059927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04794461380480077,0.0,0.08808094248686084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041693016780292816,0.0,0.0,0.3232685070791205,0.36539456084140215,0.04092431665289591,0.0,0.07791244763031298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907405913670075,0.0,0.12111684126914997,0.07149951845104846,0.0,0.04699149409896762,0.046953526401262984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03818141845835355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101581578942527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045628304083518346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04229628813398796,0.0,0.0,0.04438481012788415,0.1873938396608231,0.0,0.0,0.09026221839071824,0.04630950779760558,0.13075328604293038,0.060211112387724613,0.35399469100130443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03579219371916287,0.04768371301566813,0.0,0.03623615412820786,0.0,0.08066094429780098,0.0,0.0,0.04282006416363121,0.04642843464449131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04530100820788832,0.031332466630409575,0.0,0.032873125741963924,0.0411651088414661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048526037348970055,0.0,0.0,0.05776426410522147,0.06483271535653841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04615605068148597,0.04068803145077941,0.17729458998553593,0.07443270515288775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04336244005702207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042634068166129614,0.0,0.10922034652281397,0.08764612725083687,0.04208461020854078,0.0915213007478794,0.0,0.0,0.04054379020393305,0.033895149703016665,0.08534518399638859,0.0431362798184548,0.033964641162730166,0.038801954074991936,0.08892919698041853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04790951392128757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843872684170224,0.16861910354227555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034038410632813945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04879260396719454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450794659113348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548486585193569,0.10924319481055922,0.0,0.03383753093585077,0.024853542280255148,0.0,0.0,0.04072765769300688,0.0,0.20256531892535407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03516805426294218,0.10055949923137107,0.067663566993314,0.0,0.05190276371652895,0.0,0.0,0.038460207336519836,0.04758653696441096,0.0,0.0,0.09244463972475954,0.062059424626819876,0.08657050425132534,0.0,0.03027782518454622,0.1398031494768285,0.0,0.027447514398951718 bpd,TheStarsAtDawn,2020/02/19,"Trying to come off my medication and feeling incredibly low and alone Been an occasional lurker but just feeling so alone and detached from the world around me right now I felt I really needed to reach out for some support. I apologise if I ramble or don’t seem to come across well, I’m at a really low point and finding communicating this very distressing. I’ve been struggling with my mental health for about 17 years on and off now, this last rough patch being my worse. I would say it’s been at its toughest for the last five years, I’ve been on a cocktail of various meds and my world collapsed in on me when I found out three years ago I had BPD. I was hopeless at first, tried to leave the world and the pain a few times but through perseverance I guess I got better. Or I just stopped feeling so bad, I’ve come to terms with the fact I’ll never be better. For the last year and a half I have been coming off of my medication with the help of my GP. It’s probably an incredibly stupid decision but I was getting awful side effects and I figured it was probably come off them now or just be on them endlessly, I couldn’t face the idea of being on them any longer. Sunday night was my last tablet (completely advised through safe weening) and I guess the side effects of withdrawal have hit me hard. What I call my BPD brain is back with a vengeance. I’m so tearful and finding all the emotions I’m feeling very overwhelming. I’ve convinced myself my Boyfriend won’t deal with ‘the real me’ and will leave me, so whilst not hiding this from him I’m certainly not being entirely open about it. I can’t ask anyone for help because I’m just a burden on them. Self harm cravings are off the scale and I’m scared that this is how everything will always be. I can’t cope with these emotional ups and downs. They come on out of nowhere and I’m scaring myself. I’m feeling incredibly suicidal. Does anyone have any advice, suggestions or support for someone who’s not sure she’s going to be able to cope with life as a BPD sufferer.",3.6609421182266,5.270738502463053,4.5004895320197065,85.39413331280791,72.8423645320197,7.735098522167487,27.219519704433498,8.376592526197632,1.7842564039408868,1616,59,327,27,32,521,197,406,0.182,0.691,0.127,-0.9829,0,2,0,0,1,1,28.0,0,0,5,6,18,23,1,5,21,1,31,7,2,3,5,78,63,30,1,4,15,0,8,0,0,4,5,1,0,1,13,33,1,2,15,1,0,7,9,14,1,4,13,9,42,9,56,37,5,62,0,5,0,0,17,33,0,9,22,213,55,1,0.07949968447124914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768617157053326,0.07047167354728326,0.0,0.0,0.16467539452368352,0.0,0.0,0.06615010606701935,0.0,0.0,0.10812502320158328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111760556840624,0.0,0.0,0.0707715740912978,0.07432147331207073,0.0,0.0,0.061130350135728026,0.06637891582945424,0.04846226976428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062202088297546,0.0,0.0,0.3003812087194504,0.08874793999413161,0.08117806644273069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4108916327330493,0.08335390662331184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196068387042706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957070961970976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17885288933032398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144919023351191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20098714583455332,0.0,0.07633216430775194,0.0,0.1453225426970038,0.06762239099881187,0.0,0.087167300623198,0.0,0.0,0.04153530390775581,0.0,0.04518150275595848,0.0,0.06358316010604627,0.0,0.1751557306375185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121610195682622,0.0,0.0,0.0845044470200933,0.0,0.0,0.10657392543930286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974546703318811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25921141410243465,0.0,0.16835737401359752,0.0,0.0,0.05615297822703028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830622752659782,0.16017513662757007,0.08011698342167628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05894800869858701,0.061315057664314526,0.0,0.0,0.07460506841994663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459326942192595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515289839424444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17142821197911856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048804562418916,0.10185906715609253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789229615955067,0.0,0.06322133997522557,0.15918610597561844,0.0,0.0,0.07237352694329087,0.08293550914044888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735982466626217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664652959781907,0.0,0.08311033144143222,0.0,0.08695975149062432,0.18043059964817887,0.07492751177403258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04635690533471255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795013451926794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119113113855158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714797638679368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101697032425825,0.05647429489099672,0.0,0.0,0.20478076119977567 bpd,mourne1337,2020/02/19,Fluid vs Stable: A Borderline Theory Limbic>cortex>fluidity or when a system stops working it changes.,14.957999999999998,18.289796800000005,13.073333333333338,28.05000000000004,47.66666666666666,14.0,41.66666666666667,13.023866798666859,7.217666666666667,92,4,8,3,1,29,14,15,0.10800000000000001,0.743,0.149,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6903622608514552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5456012349618111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4750991909067137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kaawumbe2,2020/02/19,"How to help BPD partner that has memories changed by emotion? Recently went in with my partner to the doctor's. He upped the dose on one of her meds and told her that the meds she got from one of her other doctor's could have problems with this, and so did not refill it. He cautioned her against taking it but explained he couldnt legally stop her from doing so(she didnt argue the point) Later we did a follow up at another doctor per his request and found out he got some information wrong and it was a pointless visit. She was very upset, and he is super uptight. She wanted to immediately change doctors and I said go for it but that I would think about it before doing so. She gave a very emotionally charged response ""He was giving me pills that were going to make me sick! The meds he gave me could give me heart problems and he did ot anyway!"" She gave way when I explained the opppsite occurred and said it was just her bad memory. This was actually really helpful because I had seen this with us, and was easier to process because it didn't have to do with me. Since then I've tried to be firm and point out when there are these deviations in perception, but that seems to put her back up more and I understand, from her perspective it's like I'm gaslighting her. We have very similar backgrounds, a mom with PTSD and a step dad who was permitted to be abusive. So thinking back on my thoughts at times I tried to get perspective on hers. I think and feel extreme stuff like her but I have a very meticulous rational side of my brain that intervenes and keeps me on track. The conclusion I came to was just to approach her with open arms and show her that I'm not going to hurt her so she doesn't get in that defensive mindset, or if she is in that mindset it won't make it worse. It's scary because she takes meaning out of what I say that are the opposite of what I mean, sometimes 100 percent agreement is seen as an attack. I am not sure exactly what to do though. Some times she has an overall opinion of me that is completely different than what I am and not one specific scenario. She hasit had breakthroughs and long talks about how she feels positively about me, and then she will talk about us in this warped way and be confused and assert that nothing has changed and how she always remembers things clearly.",5.780873015873013,6.1314837189542475,5.8938460939931545,82.00409313725494,66.93028322440087,9.084375972611268,31.86126672891379,8.942964678507748,2.480112293806412,1853,71,367,29,28,587,221,459,0.1,0.799,0.102,-0.2864,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,4,0,0,2,20,16,3,3,16,0,45,10,3,6,3,87,86,40,0,8,12,2,2,2,2,3,7,3,0,2,36,34,0,4,17,1,0,10,9,11,0,3,30,7,56,5,55,47,4,45,0,1,2,0,64,21,0,7,14,263,92,5,0.0,0.09438195921116306,0.07773492720520134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628201633782263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352858417104447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062271962995942,0.0,0.12250450097020428,0.0665112823709957,0.14567672588595346,0.0,0.06778327403538258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032673348372274,0.08892491272318513,0.0,0.09110777700480152,0.0,0.0,0.25280348815609444,0.0,0.08352012308234598,0.0,0.0,0.1272012059877808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322588050324037,0.0,0.32613423468303204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17920954080782295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805551741392603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873411213910551,0.0,0.0,0.08323625934691864,0.1528308371212996,0.13581479827728826,0.0,0.12741990323309693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439536855826054,0.10678644505871247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527576690823463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080388174884351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783396051539823,0.0,0.0,0.07049501375931247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634495441213916,0.0,0.0,0.17354229793028744,0.2654469583035625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329473889669536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643420588393808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619354045828501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060552236016955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244430775005513,0.0931161907807294,0.0800785080285314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05103109242602995,0.0,0.07865287747706942,0.0,0.09023722938719607,0.0,0.15154640841695574,0.0633474099783217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251784737005491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589409878354494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878401169385414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659783477083635,0.0,0.0,0.0911895983496621,0.0,0.0,0.07507692511524046,0.0,0.11978612849516687,0.12805251196576575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05292137860792576,0.15312530353842022,0.07826379199287807,0.06323972496444555,0.0928986917618336,0.0,0.0,0.0761168383069875,0.0,0.10816539844436672,0.0,0.0,0.08292701132711289,0.19163804967053533,0.0,0.0,0.2629054801119451,0.04698447920158799,0.12645796689134012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384396355731178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117852668645527,0.05658691057637369,0.08709375337145507,0.0,0.0 bpd,htaylor10141,2020/02/19,"BPD is a thief I’ve lost trust in people, in hope, and even in the possible love of a higher being. I’m overwhelmed with sadness, guilt, shame, and confusion. I hate this disorder. I hate that it takes over every aspect of my life and steals my happiness and future. I just want to start over and to BE SOMEONE ELSE. Does anyone else feel like bdp steals your character, your future, and anything pleasurable you could possibly have? Healthy relationships are impossible. Finding love and acceptance is impossible. I’ve never been a real person with this disorder. I have so much past trauma resurfacing along with current trauma and unknowns I’m dealing with. I’m not a person right now if I ever even was to begin with. Everything I held to my identity is gone, and I’m just a shell of a person waiting to be filled again. I’m trying to find fulfillment in myself but it feels impossible when you’re not even a real person. Anything that fulfills me gets taken away from my by this disorder. I’m so tired.",3.677283304246657,6.130867795811517,4.858280977312393,79.13069080860967,75.2303664921466,8.014077952297848,26.31791739383362,8.841846274778883,2.363052123327516,803,30,140,18,18,264,110,191,0.177,0.7020000000000001,0.12,-0.8873,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,3,0,1,11,21,2,4,8,0,12,4,0,0,2,36,35,14,0,4,6,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,4,7,15,0,2,5,0,0,2,3,13,0,0,6,2,15,8,24,25,1,21,0,3,0,2,11,8,0,3,12,92,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958113193195462,0.1166155072679692,0.18731782937607375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693164590408252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334427471154007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908709173597778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733684841025915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913208190469495,0.0,0.09959906900419947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901533565745351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255184749926435,0.1029509385150028,0.09589288663912787,0.0,0.10228834616264497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150951756355898,0.0813084754534203,0.0,0.0,0.20804718015761106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594629208560921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115671869662152,0.0,0.22473478083012266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304260874751484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038992822980827,0.05560358755135068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424101481104452,0.0,0.2054424777907764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366610892227944,0.0,0.08778008292119542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108647982022906,0.07890403614475351,0.3975106645869592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566155196352192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590896413000067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219323820565542,0.0,0.09719621270231976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643391395198783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055786859201304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557368068017908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081201768799022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727197951385532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713022401894272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,YesAnastasia8179,2020/02/19,"Forever branded as angry, it really hurts me I'm so tired of people forever branding me as angry after they witness me during a meltdown. It's gotten to the point where if I say the slightest thing out of turn, I'm automatically angry according to everyone around me. The thought that people only view me as angry and don't take my struggles seriously mortifies me. I'm aware that I can be more than a handful when I split and am filled with rage, but it doesn't mean I'm incapable of feeling anything else. I have no sense of identity most days and to hear that everyone thinks I'm angry only convinces me more that I'm awful, and shouldn't have friends or be around people. I don't know what else to do other than just stop talking altogether, only speak when spoken to and don't become emotionally involved so people don't have to witness my rage.",7.107797619047616,6.588555613095242,7.985238095238099,71.05976190476193,64.29761904761905,10.561904761904763,34.73809523809524,9.994966539143718,3.4337452380952382,685,27,123,13,9,232,93,168,0.222,0.732,0.046,-0.9840000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,8,7,2,1,5,1,14,2,1,0,0,21,29,15,0,2,4,0,2,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,10,9,0,1,5,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,2,6,15,2,20,24,3,11,0,1,1,0,7,5,0,3,5,82,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048814751970753,0.2823186973082319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17512615883136715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022633943390083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649268286602817,0.1783679230463775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30303749000135033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017686467523108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250942595804548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17871792660830482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975057645976452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714495570887258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272729511491386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36179486701105135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4397249975680981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989823701130514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158287249426788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609982590511026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325701456955171,0.0,0.1657699493523464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922357957694588,0.12745114181559242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534569024055726,0.10160412306501436,0.0,0.1258854673148061,0.0,0.1822508612050076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724767069920689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MongolianToaster,2020/02/19,"Relationship issue with a BPD partner Recently, I had a relationship with a BPD patient, it was going perfect, until she cheated on me and she started drinking and being depressed without telling me anything, I haven't known why she was just saying that she's stressed and stuff, nothing with me at all. After a month or so of an awful period, she said that she doesn't want me anymore many times over a very trivial reason that I didn't see it made any sense, I kept coming back to her to seek answers, until she told me that thing.. And I told her over the time, we'll overcome it. And I will try to forgive her. It went all good for a week or so, we got back together. She wasn't as passionate, until we had another small issue a couple of days ago, she completely ignored me. Until we talked about the issue again and she said that I won't change. We had some sort of snapchat streaks that was over 100, I forgot to send one and it was gone the next day. Didn't realize until I woke up texting her to solve the issue, she told me that she's going through a rough phase, ever since yesterday and she had suicidal thoughts and stuff, she'll be fine but she needs some time. I was being sorry if I was the reason for it, told her that I love her and I'll be here for her whatever happens. I got worried and texted more stuff 5 hours later, to check on her and tell her that I can't keep up with that situation and that I can't leave her knowing such things are going in her mind, she said that she isn't in love with me, and that it's not my fault, that I don't deserve this, she just needed someone by her side, and that she's not in love with me anymore. I kept telling her that I'll be here to support her and be by her side anyway. We talked and she said that she isn't feeling anything but emptiness, and that she doesn't love herself, how would she love anyone else. I just don't know at this point what I should be doing. I keep checking on her from time to time though. Is she still pushing me away for my own well-being or that my support is overwhelming her or that she really means it? I just want your opinions on this. I'll keep supporting her eitherway. I just want your opinions and if there's anything you wanna about before you state your opinion, that would be great",4.161061971249744,4.747440914712153,4.726953710709129,88.11911754591101,70.55650319829425,7.501506293417704,27.28255038173189,7.359569317364363,1.2479430634844209,1795,57,385,17,31,573,199,469,0.062,0.8140000000000001,0.124,0.9907,0,0,1,0,0,0,46.0,6,5,0,1,22,20,1,2,14,1,41,7,0,4,4,87,86,37,1,11,16,0,2,0,1,7,0,5,0,1,38,31,1,7,11,1,2,8,16,6,0,1,31,8,90,14,51,40,6,56,0,2,1,6,79,19,0,12,28,287,128,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06198398047654272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04755115771910767,0.07332208913048799,0.0,0.0,0.1386929208490089,0.048892938950543835,0.07164606407476967,0.17262607932990387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569650755332082,0.10753547457035696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059500724329306774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613528991705998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397100475657703,0.06023389176411844,0.0733146619161296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737029182111936,0.0,0.0901912250742657,0.0,0.06022599592451978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849953338356655,0.0,0.0,0.05841306996103812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325084639433319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03535600247973753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192193647642197,0.058649476278165386,0.11185025574866587,0.07709217007719682,0.0,0.0,0.061834134335413314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886169196173902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29193265753397585,0.0,0.18645671705900488,0.0,0.0,0.07685751451169814,0.0,0.0,0.07404010475882282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155486193970431,0.0661643916162477,0.0,0.07089261686240325,0.0,0.07616843960085483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060396010591104,0.0,0.05581318604585785,0.0,0.0,0.10369647934791087,0.0,0.0,0.0743656552697271,0.0,0.0,0.0670945845911146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0473827504122888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610139297598712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0447955193353393,0.14378836591998456,0.06904215305426174,0.15014580443180264,0.0,0.0,0.2660574071888862,0.055606885794985086,0.0,0.0,0.05572089041505236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784239050774095,0.07859823285799447,0.0,0.0,0.059246926415271635,0.0,0.0,0.07827491740386612,0.049493024985156016,0.0,0.05584191335001642,0.0,0.08009844678804301,0.0,0.2401409741703175,0.0764862144933077,0.2380489820167204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240556498013192,0.1833516703664212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290965668118577,0.0,0.06870061056513205,0.055512358990014034,0.2038681196702284,0.0,0.0,0.2672639867208751,0.0,0.047474245279509296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05769515680460964,0.1237301053031359,0.0,0.0560893339638722,0.0,0.06287065518722709,0.06482084823334817,0.06309611775583829,0.0,0.0,0.0674048643572227,0.0,0.0,0.07101187316321665,0.0,0.0993449258616338,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sydonix07,2020/02/19,Does anyone else here have Munchausen's? I recently got diagnosed with Munchausen's and BPD,5.236875000000001,8.797568937500003,4.492500000000003,77.1025,78.375,8.200000000000001,33.0,8.841846274778883,3.875725000000001,77,4,11,2,2,23,14,16,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599822315488053,0.3809691955455691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4682889463185327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773851799149987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253784859712189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106043654984306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29737503730606984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671232167110599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Thund77,2020/02/19,"Just want to say...people with BPD are beautiful I have went to group for six months mostly for people with borderline, as I have it myself. Ive met at least 30 people with BPD. In spite of big tabu that therapeutists avoid borderliners, they are so interesting and different. I feel this emptiness and having this intense emotions on the palm of my hand as they all do. Only one or two persons were not for me. Ok, 3 or 4. But ive established some wonderful friendships which will last I hope long. I thought I will not get along, but not at all. People with bpd are beautiful. I see their inner beauty.",2.1515384615384607,4.732655264957266,3.2499145299145304,87.79230769230772,81.8205128205128,6.676923076923077,21.820512820512814,7.882392219407189,1.1818512820512828,474,15,93,9,13,152,81,117,0.059000000000000004,0.735,0.20600000000000002,0.9542,1,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,3,0,2,5,1,1,1,1,12,2,2,0,2,25,21,9,0,2,8,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,3,4,3,15,3,18,15,5,10,0,0,1,0,6,6,0,6,3,68,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6390461579662787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670657106092688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19025033598966054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551804148716889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836430379705837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16798588561688566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786486427474787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967618345372705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13499926533086332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146079797300762,0.12863223729281967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4690183475906228,0.147679228594999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345002724534004,0.0,0.0,0.13477602341914455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342716338443326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652170412557074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975822619831334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678672925848544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18341605419624374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,poopiedoopiedoopie,2020/02/19,"How do you stop caring about the opinion of someone who doesn't care about you I have a friend who I used to be quite close to. They started acting strangely towards me a while back and I'm not completely sure why but some of it relates to envy and jealousy. They're generally unsupportive of things I do, but expect support and praise from me. They've had some mental health struggles and as we all know that is an explanation not an excuse. I cannot stop being friends with them because I'm extremely close to their wife. I think they might be annoyed with me right now because I didn't tag them for an artistic promotion (for the first time ever) because of complicated reasons that boil down to it ultimately negatively affecting my mental health to interact with the people involved in any capacity at the moment. They're not reading my message reaching out to them which I sent because I strongly want to lash out and I'm using opposite action and actively fostering cognitive dissonance. I am past the point of wanting to talk to them about it. They gaslit me the one time I did because they'd been very overtly nasty to me and I ended up apologising to them and comforting them even though they'd put me in such a state that I had to leave work to go home and cry - which I've never done before. I don't really know what I've done and I shouldn't care, but I do. Even though I'm angry with them a lot of the time I still just feel this desperation for them to go back to caring about me and I don't understand why. I strongly feel unable to cope tonight.",6.709969639468692,6.323678877419357,7.014022770398482,77.25456356736245,65.06451612903226,10.132827324478178,33.719165085388994,9.627879704456738,2.981618595825428,1252,48,244,22,17,407,162,310,0.153,0.7440000000000001,0.10400000000000001,-0.9435,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,2,14,7,16,14,1,1,14,0,24,3,0,5,4,54,47,19,0,4,7,1,2,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,13,20,1,2,7,2,0,6,11,2,0,2,8,2,44,12,44,32,4,37,1,0,0,0,29,12,0,5,18,175,57,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034476173658856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908250607835447,0.0,0.3152893492033616,0.0,0.08802234218616348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4218679776806948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845797813701394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362723704135075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21171613061297664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161976131126899,0.0,0.0,0.1366462023258775,0.09357008183754534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046077399455604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798853109148183,0.0,0.0,0.15983955251193754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757803890940124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199100639350832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376172564985787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369909388808172,0.0,0.0,0.10953116134370296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794350759498193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20849235238895225,0.109736636297648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978158976613724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700956285410762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874801255829224,0.07171432554061957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778703531930917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398874848927246,0.0,0.110024323705756,0.1034709556733644,0.0,0.0662682106106737,0.1063565938907758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883397248052302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764688647386497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321746130283617,0.0,0.08260968350605796,0.17296589710305654,0.0,0.10814104432045747,0.0,0.0,0.11738584803425126,0.09749376799546576,0.0,0.0,0.08314353493875762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872290787191483,0.06628207355098291,0.20326437097115804,0.0,0.18095526996760147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768777211470656,0.0,0.1786830137862718,0.0,0.08535127751778203,0.12202667884003505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866823683350468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530770872784763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SpiderBatZero,2020/02/19,I feel more alone now than ever because of my diagnosis I came to the realization that I had BPD and not just depression in January and talked to my therapist who confirmed it. Felt like the one person who I could trust and who I thought genuinely cared about me has just been treating me like I'm just a diagnosis. What hurts more about it is the fact that she also has BPD so her treating everything I say and do as part of my mental illness and not as if I'm human and anything I feel could be valid and not just my BPD. Sucks cause she was the one person who made me feel like I wasn't alone and that someone actually cared about me. Now I just feel like a burden and a problem just taking up space and I've lost all hope of the future working out and life just feels pointless. Like where do my feelings begin and what am I allowed to feel vs what's my mental illness. I thought having a label on what's wrong with me would make things easier but I just feel more lost and alone.,5.9180116435288825,5.217440093596063,6.313676668159427,82.66619793999106,66.78325123152709,9.352261531571877,30.27720555306762,8.575989854853784,2.0071024630541867,781,24,167,10,11,253,104,203,0.11900000000000001,0.779,0.10099999999999999,-0.5623,1,3,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,17,19,1,0,9,0,15,3,0,4,3,53,39,19,0,6,14,0,9,5,0,1,3,1,0,3,14,16,0,0,11,0,0,1,4,8,0,2,11,10,26,11,17,24,5,12,0,4,0,0,12,6,1,2,10,120,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.10164015466162872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32361918454558425,0.0,0.08329263326652102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571060541757916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349185830183371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935383388626603,0.0,0.0,0.11912545465181315,0.2123857175056949,0.10699576970490417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631841971904046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970845991413945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421406705192104,0.0,0.0,0.09360770521381083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42131076223666974,0.14881655803733512,0.10000503450773686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034493135651251,0.0,0.0,0.11149997110773677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356768377044523,0.25442410732015325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22739474683469124,0.0,0.0,0.09855388162428147,0.0695242023280009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20992727677516795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115610711725654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278960331317416,0.0,0.0,0.1818880767259436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966216972261972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828281543329136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825010598449053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831152008689245,0.08371576065578168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093186281487772,0.0691958852989866,0.0,0.0,0.16537470754111736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582600528158417,0.0,0.0,0.07398865027073102,0.1138770290395812,0.0,0.0 bpd,ripIdkagoodusername,2020/02/19,"NSFW: [Trigger Warning] My graduate school application got rejected. I just feel so defeated. I guess I should have expected it because my grades suffered a few years before and the beginning of getting on medication. I'm not really that smart, it takes me awhile to understand things, and my anxiety and crappy memory make it hard to take tests, so my GRE scores were average at best. But I put a lot of work into getting outside experience to make up for those. I feel like my ex who cheated and told me I basically am flakey and won't amount to anything was right. I feel like I let my family down. I feel rejected and embarrassed. I've been struggling with work because I'm falling into a depressive episode so I'm barely scraping by with money, I can't even afford food let alone pay all my bills. My boyfriend is being distant and passive aggressive. I feel like everything is spiraling down and I'm slipping into a really dark place. All I want is to cut again. All I can think about is just ending it, I won't because I wouldn't want to do that to my family but after this I don't know what to do. I feel so much guilt about everything all the time that it is ruining my relationships and crushing me. I feel like a burden and a disappointment and rejected and stupid and not good enough and lost. I've never posted before so I'm not sure what I'm looking for from this, but I just need to put it out there. I hope you all have a good night.",3.847801195344445,5.3035170657439465,5.293735451399812,80.50643519974834,72.11418685121106,9.129977980497012,28.361277131173324,9.573946990214177,2.6136491349480964,1148,44,226,28,22,386,151,289,0.228,0.71,0.062,-0.992,1,4,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,0,5,13,27,4,3,9,0,23,3,0,3,7,58,55,22,0,7,9,1,8,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,16,20,1,0,10,0,3,3,9,17,0,0,6,9,34,10,29,42,11,23,0,9,1,0,5,11,0,3,12,153,50,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015837870285576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136621327891007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752640555316757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19451084653909467,0.0,0.18101150933520527,0.0,0.1116197731457953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916089555748796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420466933729796,0.10989980351100442,0.0,0.07025073042142653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911816146795052,0.10404190106432394,0.2005362063207456,0.0,0.3764567920423649,0.3039385464224197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861267986847694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113892881551844,0.0,0.0,0.17842186532174809,0.08506696280091576,0.0,0.11716912149111736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527896200634857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564091257067308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058453467845695585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175235647095059,0.0,0.2078513154008272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089316824863689,0.0,0.11610608007694086,0.09042469588193992,0.0,0.0,0.1419941791117722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714796470011728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818789919762217,0.07886566277591975,0.0820325023287142,0.0,0.0,0.09981300975690068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112507074960104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186486201153933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21384525622042727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627572870319388,0.0,0.0,0.11419238583606076,0.0,0.09083209174002753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764345935446956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119207446293312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024440191736712,0.0,0.15994113758073072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066181705032491,0.0681521184130481,0.0,0.0,0.06202021313656875,0.0,0.0,0.10163291744051424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110726013892032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546947040605574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15486479549218926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849328252272575 bpd,tobibuk,2020/02/19,"Looking for advice Sorry in advance for my english. My mother was diagnosed with BPD when she finally admitted she needed help in 2015. Looking back at my childhood (1999-2015), she had BPD this entire time. Anyways, she was placed in a psychiatric ward hospital in 2015, which she left on her own account after a couple of weeks, saying it did not help her. We, however, noticed a big difference and it was way more bearable to live with her. This year she is starting to get back to her old self. Extreme mood changes, picking fights, ruining friendships/relationships, etc. I am afraid to tell her she needs to get help, because she has intense suicidal moods aswell and I'm afraid she might take her own life. Therefore, I'm looking for advice for my situation.",5.957571428571428,7.537173900000003,5.884285714285718,77.8107142857143,67.14285714285714,8.742857142857144,34.714285714285715,9.120678840339163,3.2670142857142856,606,29,103,11,10,190,91,140,0.073,0.852,0.075,-0.1779,1,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,1,0,0,1,4,6,1,2,3,0,9,2,0,2,0,12,21,3,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,5,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,4,0,0,5,4,21,0,19,15,4,22,0,1,3,0,25,9,0,1,11,68,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27364174025839216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153255213324272,0.0,0.08535174000130104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526875505776945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811712345466366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154923744825477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211210383557588,0.0,0.14628569534819952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615354524244754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337940096368707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630393818750873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815469648633129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521265210540576,0.0,0.0988966142370986,0.0,0.0,0.12363565892751352,0.0,0.3527315774021681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485336068845919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20763844271052495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594078104803301,0.14692200968518815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628569534819952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032352693065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134541156131672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606600242749246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738253384358492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673513754024254,0.0991032164020903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315349726512728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527372611757477,0.0,0.12237913168207674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164377258098683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113725386359256,0.11231145001417653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016495911255552 bpd,whatsascreenname,2020/02/19,"Too much love/joy is breaking my heart Hi all, thanks for reading. Lately I’ve been overwhelmed with feeling for my family, partner, and close friends. It’s a beautiful, lovely, intoxicating feeling that simultaneously chokes me with grief and worry. I love these people, I don’t want to lose them, I don’t want anything bad to happen to them - it’s like I realize how precious and fragile this all is and all of it together completely overwhelms me. For example, I saw my grandpa bend over to tie his shoe and just the way he moved his hands, a thinner spot in his hair, and his ears sticking out a little made me think about how much I love him and that just broke my heart. It was love, but I was choking on it and started crying - I’m crying just writing this remembering. This has been happening a lot with almost everyone close to me and it absolutely breaks my heart. Is this familiar to anyone?",5.190067437379575,6.380042260115608,5.856777456647401,78.75006021194608,68.59537572254335,8.772447013487477,31.179672447013488,9.075114841892004,2.6308423892100192,713,29,134,13,12,232,103,173,0.141,0.7140000000000001,0.145,-0.6424,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,1,7,14,0,2,5,0,10,12,7,3,3,35,26,12,1,2,4,1,5,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,13,15,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,6,0,0,6,7,23,8,18,20,6,14,0,5,1,4,17,8,0,2,3,91,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245900422688222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699832381325114,0.0,0.10238819667700302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388665757515722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045345267729153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733420933128478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888996325155715,0.0,0.0,0.11729340650894288,0.0,0.12582237920226727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612765173085673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200508358503788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4423198131435743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035273924180944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060786002882028276,0.12470291226183605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919570162523714,0.0,0.10577861032799134,0.5614757786783225,0.11773052081323185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322402393403317,0.18292806496994568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625812073850878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445505301931124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094517224293612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806609515765339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455049276629307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972419819971728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677391047540542,0.09875990234868892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635595381754652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Beurandless,2020/02/19,"I'm exhausted by recurring nightmares... I've suffered from BPD, depressive episodes and delayed sleep phase disorder for years. My sleep is a huge problem for me now and my former therapist said I needed to treat my sleep first before solving other problems. I've tried to fix my biological clock a lot, and I'm exhausted because I couldn't fix it (I used melatonin supplement but I had side effects so I stopped using it). I also have nightmares every single day. It's like I always hear sounds when I sleep. Even if it's a one-hour sleep, I could dream of something so horrible that it wakes me up with anxiety, frustration, and fear of going back to bed. There are nightmares that I dream very often. I also suffer from sleep paralysis. Even though other BPD problems are frustrating enough, I just want a good sleep which I haven't had for a long long time. Did anyone else here also suffer from recurring nightmares and treat them successfully? Please give me some advice. Thank you!",4.951213768115942,7.0641576358695675,5.162478260869566,79.89846376811595,70.46739130434783,8.167536231884059,29.11449275362319,8.841846274778883,2.503867101449276,791,31,137,15,15,249,112,184,0.244,0.602,0.153,-0.9664,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,1,3,15,18,2,1,5,0,10,10,8,3,0,24,21,14,0,8,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,10,6,0,2,1,2,0,1,2,12,0,1,4,3,22,6,14,15,4,19,0,4,0,0,5,3,0,4,16,88,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524173434533187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338283338780709,0.08109874256360314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456050861337131,0.0,0.0,0.06814984022870553,0.09986447786765418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494461949097392,0.0,0.0594137995134786,0.0,0.08293559241010619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455076770620444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781792428888687,0.0,0.0,0.06285690439942411,0.0,0.08394651841286051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170340945899294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141955608640432,0.0,0.0,0.10070746709327287,0.0,0.12874951357826206,0.0,0.08211852162537374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967529599976744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290373523500938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349737229106897,0.055391643014599104,0.08174907304912109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985021277546662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598345703492732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0476165080311684,0.0,0.0,0.17250703248814142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286131361497685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226911136378705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660448510460874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698737411017843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27978271526541504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271159691344637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6827481777920009,0.0,0.0,0.07503336941543452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148515926018159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973273780423459,0.0,0.11316445358895935,0.0,0.0,0.09575893235553168,0.0,0.0568326636993792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617238194761757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16835704701705947,0.0,0.08041888670634974,0.05748742108016144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276430689957475 bpd,Werecrazyprobably,2020/02/19,"Why is it when you have a plan, you feel a bit better? I have a plan and suddenly i have focus and a sort of peace. Is it because i know what will happen now?",0.139166666666668,1.169763472222222,2.8566666666666687,95.955,80.94444444444444,5.911111111111111,17.555555555555557,6.42735559955562,-0.4263777777777782,119,2,31,1,3,42,24,36,0.0,0.807,0.193,0.7556,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,9,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,8,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873767497635783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4169377487176792,0.5146747996308592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238367014154028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41688021666981606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590832526945417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4253883962925261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,eh_asya,2020/02/19,"How do you explain to your episodes to your s/o I have episodes that make me split on my boyfriend, but i cannot tell him what triggers them because i don't want to come across as manipulative or controlling. I don't want him to change himself to accommodate me - i know that it's all in my head and that it is wrong and that's why i don't want to tell him what exactly upsets me and gets me off. to make it clear; he does absolutely nothing wrong, he's a great guy.",4.141933333333334,3.9442138599999983,5.07,88.39833333333334,70.4,8.666666666666668,29.66666666666667,8.344100000000001,1.6549666666666665,366,13,89,5,6,120,60,100,0.19899999999999998,0.767,0.034,-0.9392,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,1,1,1,4,0,1,1,0,7,1,1,6,3,20,16,7,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,0,20,1,12,16,1,5,0,0,0,0,14,4,0,1,0,56,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832405335195468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226901250313653,0.1813344692588432,0.0,0.0,0.23610322979150256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842174437226469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099820247911101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23208641074871705,0.0,0.2084365527157156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21604249583881666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568998942581107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810321728615341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019886235247378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679874885479153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724901765329806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899512166730717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4603160890509097,0.0,0.0 bpd,QishengLi,2020/02/19,"MOD Approved Research Study - Earn a $10 Amazon gift card while helping to create more inclusive technology! Have you ever used an **online quiz** to quantify how your experience with BPD **(diagnosed or undiagnosed)** affects your life or compares to the experience of others? Do you feel that participating in online communities is an important part of your experience with BPD? If you answered yes to either of these questions, we would like to invite you to join our **IRB approved interview study**! I am Qisheng Li ([https://homes.cs.washington.edu/\~liqs/](https://homes.cs.washington.edu/~liqs/)), a researcher (Ph.D. student) at the University of Washington. My colleague and I are studying how we can improve the design of online tests and their discussion on forums, like Reddit, to better support communication within the related communities. 📢Our interview will take about **30 min** (remotely), and you will be compensated with a **$10 Amazon gift card**! To sign up for an interview slot, please fill out our survey below: [https://forms.gle/uFuHTdKdxQwshqBA8](https://forms.gle/uFuHTdKdxQwshqBA8) Feel free to reply or send me a private message if you have any questions about the study!",7.3454430120728444,11.523825099447516,6.6476488643339495,59.34234295068552,79.77348066298342,7.985348884796399,29.90812359320646,8.515128840125781,3.6171299774913024,977,42,122,24,27,301,119,181,0.0,0.7609999999999999,0.239,0.9912,0,0,0,0,0,0,85.0,4,9,1,4,5,5,0,0,12,1,11,2,0,4,1,27,16,11,0,3,6,0,2,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,18,6,27,12,3,12,0,0,0,0,23,7,0,7,5,86,21,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212102626654866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764003172512064,0.0,0.0,0.4489776017993683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809112668203009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16122954882738327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5230628666885199,0.0,0.0,0.1802484125701326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947145178139235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125897170494166,0.17415948729368275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19301806432558424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19565552990288126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39934231600399817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20226622597318225,0.0,0.0,0.13401534873383625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394333920694508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661757500525792,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,enemmy,2020/02/19,"My favorite person blocked me and I blame myself He was my ex, we were steady for 1 year and off and on for another, so 2 years In total I guess. It was the longest and one of the most stable relationships I’d ever had. It’s a long story and I really don’t want to have to type out all the details because I don’t want to end up triggering myself more. Long story short we were back together in December. He was acting weird and I just had this nudging feeling he was cheating on me. He was being distant. I acted out and left (not the first time I’ve done that, which I also hate myself for) I wanted to make him jealous so I got a new boyfriend. A month into the relationship with the new guy he breaks it off, I go back to my ex, hoping to start over. I find he has a new girlfriend. He said he still loves me but wants to give the new girl a chance. He then blocked me. I hate myself so much. I know what I did was wrong. I felt hurt and wanted him to feel the same hurt he has put me through in the past. Maybe if I wouldn’t have tried to make him jealous things would be different. He was so upset and wouldn’t stop bringing up the fact I was “in bed with another man”. I please don’t send hate. I know my actions were wrong and I regret them. It was the first time I’d ever really tried to “get revenge” per say. I just feel so hallowed out. I thought he was the one. And now I feel like I’m going to spend the rest of my life dreaming of him and he will wonder why he ever wasted his time with me. He probably won’t even remember my name. Either way he will be happier. And it makes me want to not be alive honestly. I just can’t forgive myself. I chased away the only person I’ve deeply connected with and loved with my whole being.",0.67154585852699,2.5807326199460943,2.633209004152402,94.04301231150288,82.6388140161725,5.628061484665259,19.46098929117797,6.766488616294105,0.08391784075180286,1346,35,309,15,37,450,179,371,0.18,0.732,0.08800000000000001,-0.9915,2,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,2,0,1,2,17,19,6,1,19,0,36,3,0,4,6,73,70,23,0,12,8,2,5,1,1,6,1,2,1,5,10,25,0,3,12,1,1,8,9,13,0,4,21,7,52,6,40,38,9,54,0,3,0,2,42,18,0,5,27,206,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043428796408388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471058040787688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275023383027544,0.1354499043731415,0.0,0.05369026834217835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202059896783897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013225386220244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800913006857632,0.0,0.0,0.05817331991512875,0.23900915850873125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17813534274268675,0.06292146070760951,0.08456670322616983,0.0,0.08049980274882533,0.14983467907406858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046016037286908736,0.08449045589917592,0.10011115941821884,0.0,0.07044236567420363,0.0,0.09702556468506747,0.08720901620003971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608702340582557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747926984152085,0.0,0.0,0.18857420554492174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968084535132237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569475370074347,0.0,0.06221063280539778,0.04302944963368223,0.0,0.0,0.15588884974609352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15898392783654758,0.0,0.1763740979916379,0.0,0.08848410809066275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030136559936426,0.0,0.06474594137640212,0.0,0.0,0.34025712118253826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193650567484476,0.06698571225275618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407843947008566,0.0,0.15380900652228344,0.0,0.09668092046355964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949607472715063,0.0,0.0,0.08854063458000254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284738984151915,0.0,0.0,0.18912117079104054,0.09977285727947044,0.0,0.08378037690697708,0.07004151321702702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234059530737265,0.0,0.07033755003633002,0.0736354197578592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058513733087095475,0.0,0.0,0.06992244881762598,0.1540733460714737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195955475900078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116967865413281,0.06991057221162833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947482587016591,0.09833362846745876,0.0,0.0,0.09551458707009013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625666123745571,0.19259440220128413,0.0,0.11343602016176478 bpd,ImpartialExhaustion,2020/02/19,Loving myself - how? How did you learn to love yourself when our brains say negative things about ourselves?,5.835000000000001,9.331000277777779,3.653333333333337,84.90000000000002,74.0,5.822222222222222,25.66666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.5048,87,3,13,1,2,24,17,18,0.136,0.552,0.311,0.6966,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,11,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4726534832388671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7642685355860636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367040018764932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812875848942755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jadedjewels,2020/02/19,"I miss my old therapist I saw her for a few months before she referred me to someone else, saying she didn’t believe that she could give me the help I needed. I understood but I still miss her. And now my new therapist and I have decided not to meet anymore because according to her I’m “not ready for therapy.” And I don’t disagree with her but fuck it just feels like no matter what I do, my mind is always gonna fucking fight me every step of the way and ruin everything for me",4.707133333333331,4.64979598,6.0139999999999985,81.63033333333334,69.2,9.466666666666667,30.66666666666667,9.2995712137729,2.498666666666668,378,14,79,7,6,128,68,100,0.239,0.703,0.057999999999999996,-0.9666,0,1,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,3,0,3,0,6,2,0,0,0,18,17,6,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,3,3,22,1,8,12,1,7,0,3,1,2,12,0,2,0,6,55,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624196919428492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935831530181554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899039009840673,0.0,0.1660984245197485,0.2199203800474304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155849066102603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630621980027132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644620442140037,0.0,0.17543064036111733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869755999437836,0.13944890547843106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.360913297895128,0.0,0.18725092307160696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308365561912674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953634830990278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19709350887129992,0.0,0.1558045279976276,0.0,0.0,0.14473623676081138,0.0,0.1885226542603475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20482660630253047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522863338400322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16538993846108593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588472130645234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22322498866845467,0.4532779451268231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493843700776289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WykenPippin,2020/02/19,"My sexuality is the only thing that grounds me. Often my brain just goes hypersensitive, and I get lost in rabbit holes and delusions etc etc. I could be going like this for days or even weeks, massive mood swings, apathy, confusion, psychosis, all that... but there seems to be one thing that brings me back... my sexuality. Sexual expression, sex, being turned on, being horny & aroused. It feels like the only thing in this world that levels out my vibes, albeit hypersexual. I could be having an episode, but ne reminded of something sexy and totally mellow out. Or my partners can touch me in a way that turns m on and sort of reels me back in. It gets to the point where I'm in between having a panic attack & being hyper turned on and I can't decide what to do because I'm afraid of being hypersexual all the time, because I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable... But it being hypersexual is the only thing that levels me out, part of me wants to just fully embrace it even if I'll likely be socially outcast because of it... I feel like it's my only option now. Being a hypersexual goon with a managable life, or a repressed ungrounded anxiety ridden lunatic. Does anyone else know what I'm experiencing? Does anyone have advice on this? Thanks.",5.294765450483993,6.737542556962026,6.526383718044182,73.10242740134031,68.57805907172997,8.6144452717796,27.865227103499628,9.007467420416297,2.330774832464632,994,33,174,18,17,335,132,237,0.098,0.818,0.084,-0.1633,0,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,0,1,10,12,1,4,11,0,21,4,2,1,3,36,40,12,0,5,9,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,21,9,0,1,5,0,0,3,2,6,0,1,1,4,18,5,25,27,6,28,0,1,0,2,3,18,0,9,10,125,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837648006531904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24033414169662706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484311558311246,0.0,0.0,0.2326450642179949,0.11363674411487433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261720753905847,0.0,0.17056039804601802,0.0,0.20282259146700354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380825512658368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770995200452776,0.0,0.0,0.07152547245634804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19410992900802096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264809127825184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473799730569869,0.14650530240389245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121552470076204,0.15846315187291932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588806463139667,0.0,0.06303068015530319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060951273616066816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833649158402294,0.21673311889549646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210674698366884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403090339975223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515306742378826,0.3373973513854061,0.0,0.13012479978242647,0.0,0.12010085621667085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484242472007907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096504875265992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305513887192048,0.0,0.08538118841054188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210774023272268,0.0,0.0,0.2947252167561494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467043136931956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36190304561259096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083097210537273,0.0880323620693868,0.08896244858021203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,xav-y,2020/02/19,"Will I ever be okay with who I am? First post here/on reddit EVER, so this is quite exciting but I also have no idea what im doing. :( Ive been feeling really obsessive about my bpd because i feel really unclear on who I really am other than the problems I cause for people. Anyone know any tools or ideas on how to bring more awareness to who you are outside of your illness and how to feel less of a burden/ source of everyone's grief and stress? TIA",4.299032258064514,4.734931752688176,5.807688172043015,81.03153225806457,70.18279569892474,8.780645161290323,27.32795698924731,8.841846274778883,2.0026215053763434,355,11,71,6,6,121,71,93,0.253,0.6459999999999999,0.1,-0.9574,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,2,7,7,0,2,2,1,10,1,0,3,2,18,15,8,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,1,3,10,2,12,12,2,7,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,2,3,53,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543854851631916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128357064685006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498808257756764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768413319910195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431451818042475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19831998543549828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34925740442053443,0.0,0.18447169409257885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29284222332237664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16421192214590785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43586970019031,0.20853181442913835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609761591654446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383957086610096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18489269162989366,0.0,0.0,0.18472692988117426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053370530727596,0.0,0.0,0.3710266590392732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22114309308131685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Poopsons,2020/02/19,Nothing interesting Anyone else here with bpd struggling with the memories and affects of a physically and otherwise abusive childhood feeling like you have one leg dangling off a roof and the other on a banana peel? I know you do talk to me please.,7.317333333333334,8.751371844444446,7.304444444444448,69.41000000000001,63.88888888888889,9.555555555555557,39.444444444444436,9.725611199111238,4.270777777777779,203,11,31,4,3,65,38,45,0.183,0.6920000000000001,0.125,-0.607,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,1,5,0,2,1,1,1,0,8,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,2,6,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,23,5,0,0.0,0.35958367832486643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21220588083049052,0.31095934221510224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822325385265861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535252989318877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345266228415702,0.21681190294365787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16678907952224564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482689173579321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29120494140299497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056513374575777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331387114716773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172715740116226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439321754720629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Coke_11,2020/02/19,"I am at a possible risk for this PD My mom has BPD and aunt has traits, not sure about my sister as she hasn’t gone to therapy. But since PD’s can be passed down genetically and can be triggered with events, how do I prevent this? Can I prevent it? (I’m 16F almost 17) I’ve gone through some verbal abuse and neglect and left home abruptly in 5th grade with my mom and sister after my dad physically fought my sister (I witnessed this). Can any of this play a role? I’ve had a therapist tell me she doesn’t see (out of the things I’ve mentioned) what can cause my emotional outbreaks and sudden anger so I’ve just ruled those out and just blame genetics",2.762774762550883,4.3683242462686565,3.778819538670288,89.6674694708277,75.19402985074628,6.962279511533242,24.122116689280872,7.686295010490155,0.9881432835820888,515,16,112,7,11,166,88,134,0.149,0.8029999999999999,0.048,-0.9398,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,2,1,4,0,14,0,0,3,1,24,19,11,0,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,8,11,0,3,0,1,0,3,3,4,0,0,4,1,13,2,15,13,1,13,0,1,1,0,13,6,0,2,4,68,21,1,0.0,0.2538284559529674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21452119152508906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456842841072458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698161816497473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22007403485428587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24098080510024966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148909505961044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232762381157106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5018090262292959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415130279858553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071420380314412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17721392404260738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20190998511762304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18724715386173246,0.0,0.24499157980683536,0.24873846008600894,0.142325418239076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ChetJet7,2020/02/19,"Coping with BDP Trying to understand my loved one’s BPD and how to not make them feel like I don’t understand. I don’t feel like I can ask them much out of fear of upsetting them. Plain and simple: I need help understanding. I love them dearly and I’m trying all I can, but I don’t feel like I’m...enough for us?",1.2358706467661662,2.8750185820895524,3.0306716417910486,93.22322139303483,79.59701492537314,6.854726368159205,17.136815920398007,7.793537801064563,0.0908726368159205,243,4,58,4,6,81,42,67,0.064,0.696,0.24,0.8555,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,4,0,1,8,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,2,1,17,17,5,0,1,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,3,13,6,7,17,2,1,0,0,0,2,9,1,0,0,3,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637758201792763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22064138681205095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18101458551272304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971336269235716,0.26573882234274565,0.3754600207029821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742388350711072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567619675165364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162254879106909,0.0,0.11693841415541348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878230636646198,0.12989864224042807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871097230838434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378804002595697,0.0,0.0,0.5471262787508602,0.21072790659592125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thelourver,2020/02/19,"therapy is a shit show because I am a wreck gah! So frustrated with my lack of progress. every time I see a new therapist they get to know this fake person but I can’t knock off the persona, I just need to be likeable so bad. so I’m always lying to my therapist about my behavior; I never tell them about the self harm and other destructive manipulation I do. then when I mention I’m pretty sure I’ve got BPD they don’t believe me! it’s crushing and I’ve never gotten a diagnosis but I’m so sure I have the disease, it’s the disease itself keeping me from the diagnosis. I dunno if I can handle going back to therapy for them to tell me I just have low self esteem",0.8991666666666696,3.078571535714288,3.8114285714285714,84.36023809523812,83.64285714285714,6.590476190476192,23.619047619047624,7.793537801064563,1.4213190476190485,525,20,107,10,15,187,85,140,0.264,0.633,0.10300000000000001,-0.9782,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,4,1,10,9,3,0,9,0,9,1,1,1,4,18,20,11,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,7,0,0,2,1,21,2,12,17,1,10,0,1,1,0,10,2,1,2,7,73,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584301245431796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553465759240462,0.1363128863404856,0.09952003264339193,0.0,0.0,0.18393488233097646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056166432334893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755117531122182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529511351529401,0.0,0.09278279063323384,0.0,0.13057164264286605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451104405333811,0.0,0.0,0.08972185045146883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210530950878068,0.25182793005628834,0.1576747558394625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254983093388918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660911956998673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009479759018427,0.0,0.3406255884051628,0.0,0.16758110039154006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30773583053000203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853878592207866,0.0,0.37339751791271536,0.3791082276328724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519654681047654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,KloudyG,2020/02/19,"I Got Ghosted I got ghosted, something that I feel is a trigger for anyone with borderline lol...even when you’re doing okay. I’ve been doing okay for a very long time, and I’ve been preventing lots of episodes and I’ve been coasting...but recently I was ghosted. I was ghosted by a guy that I’ve been talking to off and on for a few months from tinder and very recently we actually started hanging out. We slept together a few times and things were going good, but one day when we were supposed to hangout I got called in for work and couldn’t make it. That was the last time we had any real discussion, ever since then he’s been a ghost. I was calm at first and just hoping that he was okay, but after I certain point I realized what had happened and I lost control. I sent him paragraphs talking about how I felt and how his actions had hurt me. The only thing I got back was “stop wasting your time. I'm a fool you’re a fool for not knowing that” I called him after and I almost went off on him but I hung up, barely hearing a word of what he said.. I’m still desperately texting and calling and I know that I need to stop but I can’t. I don’t understand how something was going extremely well with no strings attached only to end suddenly for seemingly no reason. I’ve been talking to this guy for months and we had a really nice time together. No pressure, no commitment, just a connection and for that to be cut off so suddenly for no reason? It hurts and I don’t know what to do, or how to react. I just want to get over it and forget he existed and that it ever happened but all I can see is him in my room and all I think about is him and the things that we talked about. I really liked this guy and according to him he really liked me...",3.897771639042357,4.441355107734808,5.156588397790056,84.9574608655617,71.12707182320442,8.464272559852672,28.61924493554328,8.59863814320734,1.9408283609576429,1367,49,292,22,24,456,165,362,0.159,0.743,0.099,-0.9735,0,0,2,0,0,0,34.0,6,1,0,4,18,18,1,1,14,3,31,1,1,10,6,76,62,34,5,4,10,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,3,21,29,0,4,11,1,0,6,10,7,1,2,29,5,42,11,41,31,5,47,0,3,1,0,33,13,0,5,30,204,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.08963030638440654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919724097875642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062459725224640474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422219097830617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062536976746242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813609416662574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301523581575396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059234300551516135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134998222152665,0.0,0.0,0.06066467523356235,0.1661633775292287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04644106065663114,0.0,0.0881883927936948,0.0,0.0,0.07812578135487779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047986739653478765,0.0,0.10439856247197288,0.07703766529813152,0.2938366414393385,0.0,0.0,0.2728315997573668,0.1624415987054499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351926461159934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122569422455976,0.0,0.0,0.19665016460294268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514316202206938,0.07486830162220715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974449425663257,0.0,0.0,0.08128250593379799,0.0,0.0,0.10026283852503996,0.07808580460109238,0.0,0.0,0.061309190019785575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662424351174927,0.0,0.0,0.06810405800309778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062238517695438686,0.1397089416602301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682595840536378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454302433331317,0.17652036016713415,0.1888698878566616,0.1813774518029836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736839092942049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731908889612159,0.08361488344817981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597753642069788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414180096144699,0.0,0.0,0.06501042013256625,0.0,0.07334985584291387,0.1535779230690201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952954686761835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18305900125405328,0.058852429080877476,0.0,0.0,0.26778626110189985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561690864097117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515682819794062,0.05417427426198617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258229738346343,0.08514392842755429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668663689849713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sawahaa,2020/02/19,"Exhausted and really down I don’t even know if I do or don’t have BPD to be completely honest. I’ve had different diagnoses.. In any case, I quit my job two weeks ago on an impulse because I knew I was working for narcissistic ass holes who treated their workers like trash. I really have a low tolerance for narcissistic people because it reminds me of my former toxic relationship. I’m in a new relationship and things are going well but we have these weird little hiccups and I’m starting to feel like I’m the problem/common denominator in everything that’s going sour in my life. I’m sure these feelings will pass but the worst part is I don’t go to my friends or family or my boy friend because I know they can’t do anything for me. On top of that I feel like I’m gaining weight from all this added stress and recent fluctuations in my schedule/routine and I’m really just upset by all of it. My self-esteem feels totally shot which sucks because I was doing really well a few months ago. I’m so tired.",3.6377401477832514,5.2417737192118254,5.343346674876848,79.35127616995074,72.89162561576354,8.62179802955665,27.95843596059113,9.188382445141503,2.429847536945813,807,31,156,18,16,275,123,203,0.13699999999999998,0.7070000000000001,0.156,0.2765,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,2,5,5,17,1,2,6,0,17,7,1,0,4,24,36,12,0,1,7,0,5,3,2,1,5,0,0,1,10,6,1,0,7,0,0,4,4,7,2,1,4,6,22,10,19,30,6,23,0,1,0,1,9,11,2,4,11,97,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22116487313168315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848335786388471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026577744784302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30418326129005585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711696291939878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079692346887375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661758041733415,0.0,0.13033612405095846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239551932893019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211633198091787,0.0,0.11760222822545705,0.0,0.25230731368837617,0.1782413807395605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927614922969697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126931465211153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379410541525628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711754485200436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811388803768577,0.1828381389017092,0.12503124246014166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957343910479112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120483334310747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350909797454382,0.0,0.0864852296758532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936791828234293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326858871486295,0.0,0.0,0.3196695428238096,0.0,0.1231745598103588,0.26786741939702485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014038431237196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829796430940502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289952569782502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757442956465343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287767369336267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338059175265458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186161870014188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006610042456823,0.15191064006640315,0.22432861476927926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908187372131268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,psychicpsychic,2020/02/19,I’m tired of hurting the only people that are there for me I’m terrified that soon I will have no one there to help or support me. The closest people in my life are suffering because of the symptoms of my mental illness. I can’t stand to hurt them anymore. I keep hoping and wishing that I’ll get better but it’s not enough. I’m tired of making my love ones depressed because I’m an emotional vampire. I can barely deal with myself and I don’t expect them to put up with me either. I wish I wasn’t so sick and could spare them of everything I have put them through and continue to put them through. I can’t stand being me anymore.,3.0465909090909093,4.27444259848485,4.397393939393943,87.04609090909094,73.77272727272728,6.795151515151516,27.593939393939394,7.1686216300943375,1.3802975757575755,501,19,103,5,10,166,77,132,0.191,0.667,0.142,-0.7869,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,5,1,4,8,0,0,4,0,12,7,0,1,0,17,24,7,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,4,0,2,1,0,22,4,16,20,2,10,0,4,0,1,8,3,0,2,2,74,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28623571000746645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594144047591048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763145967535885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522068783975067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877842961848214,0.12429495751357875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233058797655409,0.0,0.14911196533602553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296975307973197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539660477811137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672870281440997,0.0,0.0,0.14333350552102672,0.0,0.0,0.3089760806253017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827035551234947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193121292430787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024642146417653,0.0,0.09632879421623301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543166816532396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955779015013077,0.1097551108325919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20009432240980465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4352176084139354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376255054933112,0.0,0.14999451101236572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317288103528554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319013355794944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SkiRapNatureDood,2020/02/19,"Ghosting Hello all, hope you’re doing well. I just was hoping for some insight into ghosting. Why does my girlfriend who has bpd ghost me regularly? We will be talking, and she will randomly not respond for awhile, and then hit me up later. Or she will ignore what I said and switch the topic. I just would like some insight into why she is doing this. Thank you!",2.7464285714285697,5.179861357142858,3.649999999999999,86.70500000000001,78.28571428571428,5.142857142857143,22.857142857142854,6.1826913282559595,0.5882857142857145,285,9,52,2,7,91,52,70,0.062,0.764,0.174,0.8256,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,1,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,10,0,0,0,1,20,15,5,3,3,4,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,11,5,5,7,3,5,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,6,3,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34271727296339793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381282502388253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5405399647328599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294085118452448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588421351746835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21871442522416154,0.0,0.250525438257762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446626057201227,0.0,0.4910799970191294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19330153593912106,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bgtinytank,2020/02/19,"BPD Men and prostitutes?... I've been with my husband for 6 years, 1 year was amazing then it slowly started to decline after I became a stay at home mom while I completed my degree in business. He would call me all day accusing me of cheating, sucking dick while I was on the phone with him. (Mind you my children were home) Then the drug abuse started and it was mainly cocaine but just about anything he could do he would and it quickly got bad. He would have extreme bouts of rage then feel disgusted with himself afterwards. It's been roughly 3 years since he has been ""clean"" he is much better but whenever he thinks I am going to leave even if it's just to go to my moms house he will usually go on a binge and it completely changes who he is. I've been doing a lot a research into how BPD can manifest in males differently than women and I'm just trying to understand my spouse better so I can not only help him but also not put myself into a mentally fragile state. Back when he was constantly accusing me of doing things that; Quite frankly I've never in a million years had cross my mind I began wondering if he was cheating and projecting his guilt onto me. So I started digging... I learned that often times when we would fight he would contact prostitutes, and go to random hotels. He would have many female friends which I never stood in the way of, I discovered while they weren't always physically intimate it was like he was trying to develop emotional relationships with them. I've been tested many times since then and am grateful to have never contracted anything. Fast forward to present day: The two of us are in a much different place emotionally and I've gotten him to open up about a lot of the things he's done. I always make sure to tell him I love him, I'm not going to leave and I will always at the very least try to understand. He's told me about the prostitutes and how it is the hardest thing for him to give up. He told me he ""almost"" slept with two of my close friends. But they decided not to. Each friend when I asked them if it was true they immediately denied it so I dont know if he is telling me the truth about what happened with them or just making it up because it would make him feel better knowing he could have them if he wanted?... I thought I could be understanding, but I'm struggling I keep comparing myself, I find myself getting jealous of every woman in his life and it's really taken its toll on my self esteem and confidence. I guess what I am looking for is if there are any men out there with BPD that have done similar things and if they have any insight as to why they do it? Is it variety? If anyone has any insight on a similar situation I'd really appreciate it.",4.1115573012939,5.4549213364140465,5.170886783733828,82.07939856746766,71.3105360443623,8.367486136783734,28.497273567467648,8.841846274778883,2.214291275415896,2157,81,421,40,40,710,249,541,0.1,0.8029999999999999,0.09699999999999999,0.6212,2,0,2,0,2,0,45.0,2,1,9,4,23,22,7,2,18,0,57,5,2,5,7,97,99,45,0,19,22,4,4,1,3,9,2,0,3,7,28,28,0,1,15,1,0,8,9,10,0,3,27,5,61,12,60,59,8,66,0,0,1,2,71,23,2,16,35,296,89,4,0.0,0.07868105823451002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649669872336743,0.0,0.0,0.05310539890510226,0.1657670352776533,0.0,0.0,0.13547646104523892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046433095476165545,0.0,0.10929408070300227,0.0,0.06208128261062931,0.0,0.0,0.051062638746781824,0.05544680493203088,0.040480896450423146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761939389251038,0.0,0.0,0.25091067060972744,0.0,0.0678086461426096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024946342056275,0.0,0.13925228344313215,0.07176203089249603,0.0,0.15906099395700105,0.0,0.0,0.08565363127836956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876169567201194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359141814000863,0.07782813570956311,0.0,0.07701066738127545,0.0,0.0,0.14939715634566306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04386098658798621,0.0,0.05595049294607818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715442655054131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06069450349151436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391691132922505,0.0,0.03469475005411355,0.0637033395792638,0.18870223613489845,0.0,0.0531114892629457,0.0,0.07315444601670049,0.0,0.058723208809078074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044510998566594184,0.0,0.13322263128019193,0.0,0.0,0.07662439408875615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059025309388271475,0.0,0.0,0.07299075052518936,0.0,0.0,0.1406301738911311,0.0,0.0,0.046905002758800315,0.032442950067571155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05576488719657395,0.0,0.0,0.11291317113738734,0.059934622406952485,0.0,0.1329809259255902,0.13465190344384398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692231555781589,0.0,0.13410363504265005,0.1555494046840276,0.0,0.0,0.09763310295785207,0.0,0.15365077898127932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05050527339665827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938084783600597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675705618092685,0.0,0.07063167953840062,0.0,0.0,0.08508364074027888,0.0,0.0,0.07129592352363617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692766511743574,0.0,0.0,0.10986458571174572,0.0746438919174965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100897208477794,0.07078068639119288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694226815501065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258751107130561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608473259571114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647059276592225,0.042550719881851023,0.0,0.05271948711648939,0.07744453958694797,0.0,0.0,0.1269088592250906,0.0,0.13525733230838052,0.0,0.12973935638562134,0.20739509103146653,0.07987906095666175,0.0,0.07313757739602826,0.05479246659994415,0.03916838106642133,0.052710532501949015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05992170081851125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720152129627514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302138068024815,0.0,0.0,0.1710549016686179 bpd,SpaceD3m0n,2020/02/20,"pwBPD When you can feel the meds waning... I didn't know whether to mark this as ""input"" or ""medication"" but it's about my meds so here goes... I've been on this current combo of medications for almost over a year. The Psychiatrist at the old clinic I was going to assure me we would look into something different, but I had to move recently and getting a new psychiatrist is taking a long time. The last thing we talked about was getting me on my first mood stabilizers. And then I had to leave the state. Getting my records has also been a nightmare as I keep getting put on hold and then eventually hung up on... In the new state I live in, I have a PCP but they can't prescribe me what I need. I'm trying my best to gut it out- use my coping skills. Use my journal. Review old behavior worksheets. But with each passing day I can feel my skin crawling more and more. Trying to avoid the vices that I know lead me to spiral. Just sucks when something that used to help so much fades. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to manage oneself in this situation? If you've been through it- did anything help you stay positive? I'm trying to remind myself that I WILL get to a doctor but it feels hopeless.",2.2118026499302665,4.526075401673643,3.451072175732218,88.05699877963741,79.50209205020921,5.991701534170152,22.929044630404462,7.1686216300943375,0.8443011157601115,947,31,190,12,24,307,143,239,0.049,0.862,0.08900000000000001,0.9103,2,1,2,0,0,1,31.0,2,2,1,4,10,6,1,1,13,0,18,6,2,5,1,36,39,22,0,3,9,0,4,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,12,10,0,3,5,0,0,5,2,3,0,1,9,5,29,2,32,28,5,37,0,1,1,0,9,12,1,3,17,132,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236398263345802,0.0,0.0,0.0987408762256062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396550223613174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633481016453329,0.0,0.1016073084600228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295767220027482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962951770162316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900243383624185,0.0,0.12637928784001615,0.10805157587346488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18729414683084547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050256056276189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225463033328638,0.0,0.07017224058513168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16552196540302966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974798963284807,0.0,0.0,0.1357144624052409,0.10064652901794774,0.0,0.1307394999384471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902843830788153,0.10926923564259072,0.10368576336751267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743001212966337,0.2487710133037549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312316773374548,0.09076646003460216,0.09155325954416522,0.0,0.2385009294386433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591271386910004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412391880015468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191415172075755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387882107051627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19011025360432848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316052065931236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928359184802838,0.09924248083974972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202961147555347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199778040805928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25148907236217605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199216677243996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771128816524522,0.0,0.0,0.07951221166621097 bpd,worstnitesarethebest,2020/02/20,"Possible BPD Diagnosis It's been a hot second (read: years) since I've actively used Reddit but an experience I had today made me sign up to post to this sub. I'm a mid-20s female with diagnoses of major depression, anxiety, panic disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I was diagnosed with OCD as a child (it runs in my family) and depression/anxiety around the time I was 13. I've been going through a terrible depressive period and decided to go see a psychiatrist to get back on medication since I've been off everything for two years. Today, I had my second appointment with him. He went over all my medical records from the time I was 13, including notes from an involuntary hospitalization and my daily records from when I did three months of residential treatment. I was expecting him to maybe prescribe an add-on to the Effexor my primary care doctor put me on and while he did, he also asked me if anyone had ever talked to me about borderline personality disorder. I was shocked and overwhelmed at his suggestion. He talked to me about the criteria and asked me a bunch of questions. I also asked him to explain how he came to that suggestion and it did make sense. My question now is where do I go from here? I know to some people it's just another diagnosis or another label but I really can't stand not knowing. Is there some kind of diagnostic test for this? I'd feel a lot better getting a concrete diagnosis or having it ruled out completely but the psychiatrist was not of much help when I asked about next steps.",6.253879074849756,7.319673896193772,7.531724640320522,68.15548533964672,66.09342560553635,12.312584228737936,34.587688945547264,11.920831013317358,4.750379930795848,1232,56,216,45,19,421,164,289,0.131,0.831,0.038,-0.9821,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,1,16,10,0,3,16,0,20,5,0,4,2,41,41,21,0,2,9,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,8,14,0,0,7,1,0,8,3,7,0,4,18,3,29,3,39,23,7,35,0,3,1,0,23,10,0,8,15,151,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613890681439285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21161758931638805,0.1543857085992503,0.0,0.0,0.07055585839141894,0.0,0.0,0.08982778043346686,0.3773341526956013,0.0,0.0,0.07759052614442748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924320377338853,0.0,0.0,0.1270876412818029,0.0,0.0,0.11540964287297617,0.10288044599828093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579807667936596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17382047105946474,0.2048350393369425,0.0,0.0,0.34694123624552603,0.1032816209296724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127530185596104,0.0,0.0,0.09068785391385123,0.09870548211927248,0.09512524629390152,0.0,0.051021132249184836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543849582461047,0.0,0.1720417057834819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763520027083526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507812628507054,0.11091065553840024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578671776669416,0.0,0.09547974708888783,0.06735557387928089,0.0,0.10137369286376974,0.0,0.0,0.20330446494408436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054224874902235,0.0,0.0741775593029868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731473204552744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839151168998426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995555184488683,0.08810727329078925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375641326579845,0.09664010569785612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143845363372776,0.22607574543390904,0.0,0.10093335954122808,0.0,0.06464300135427048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040905983469168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694105943655616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220892618396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176782618572164,0.0,0.19129427908558336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857055148990104,0.0,0.0,0.08715043152463407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354092200082198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996037950435765 bpd,Unbreakablecurfew,2020/02/20,"really don't want to write this but- i think my father is attracted to me. I really really need someone to say they understand this. haha, of course i don't want anyone to feel like how I do, but knowing i'm not crazy would help a lot. i've never brought this up to anyone, or a therapist. Did anyone else feel like when they were younger their dad may have installed cameras in the shower? or was looking at them in a certain way? i don't really have like ""evidence"" but it's just a feeling i got, and continue to have around my dad. i have dreams where he is innapropriate toward me, and when i was younger he told me how pretty i was. once at the dinner table when i was around 12 or 13 he and my brother were talking about how i have an ""athletic build"" and i was really uncomfortable. i should mention that he was physically and verbally abusive to me, so also in general i didn't feel safe around him obviously. anyone else?",4.1489387083504745,5.0957553048128394,5.732299465240643,79.58541752365281,70.81818181818181,9.390209790209793,28.28835870012341,9.661875296680813,2.5394659810777456,730,26,146,17,13,249,102,187,0.094,0.737,0.16899999999999998,0.9424,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,4,0,14,7,0,0,7,1,24,1,0,3,3,39,39,19,0,5,8,4,4,3,0,3,0,1,1,0,5,8,1,1,7,1,0,1,6,0,0,0,13,6,26,7,19,23,1,18,0,0,1,0,19,11,0,5,8,105,31,0,0.0,0.15701798636460354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597852886415372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706524195753682,0.2715707786478835,0.0,0.35392047792163306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214117844069917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26803027485999936,0.18934879680125244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599068294222884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882731781737709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283112942219908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19423200979914196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128587354986573,0.0,0.0,0.11266624498867127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826406378083673,0.1022098433868947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113258154946426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482344946115404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4244878704411064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538754269717067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228623754054347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065169008242824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386932086674446,0.0,0.08491533418753791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266313263604058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379610302927243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15633090002120612,0.10519052309888602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414047798496207,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dumb-beech,2020/02/20,"I am in a new relationship, and last night he confided to me that he has BPD. I care for him, and I’d like to hear from you all on the best ways to love someone with BPD. We’ve been dating about a month, and everything has been very nice. He’s extremely attentive, affectionate, funny, and engaging. We talk for hours and never run out of things to say. We play video games and cook together and hang out with friends. He works in the same field as I do, so he understands all of my work complaints and is always down to listen to how my day went. I honestly would not have guessed his diagnosis if he hasn’t told me, and for a moment I wondered if he might be pulling my leg. To be blunt, I’ve heard horror stories about relationships with a BPD partner. When he first told me, my first emotion was extreme anxiety. After some time thinking, I am feeling less anxious, and I’d really like to make an honest go of this relationship. He hasn’t given me any reason to worry yet. The only real thing I’ve noticed is that he doesn’t seem to need or want any alone time, AT ALL. We’ve hung out every day since we started dating. I’m still honeymooning so it’s awesome right now, but eventually I will want some time to myself some evenings. I’m worried about how he will respond when that time comes. I’d like to hear from you guys. What are some tips and strategies for navigating situations in the future? What should I be monitoring? How can I make him feel secure and cared for, and still look after my own needs? Any advice is welcome.",3.4836509229098813,5.003383091205212,4.5811604234527685,85.00129546688383,73.13680781758956,7.722529858849077,25.820982627578722,8.344100000000001,1.5620402823018456,1207,40,249,20,24,395,174,307,0.042,0.805,0.153,0.9828,0,1,0,0,0,0,36.0,3,2,0,5,15,16,0,0,9,0,25,3,1,6,4,59,55,25,0,8,5,0,2,3,2,5,0,5,0,2,9,23,1,1,8,4,0,6,5,0,0,2,8,8,27,16,40,39,11,44,0,0,1,1,37,10,0,11,30,154,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945230840068485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018273417097552,0.0,0.0,0.08048680873864161,0.0,0.0,0.1973384151524268,0.0,0.07399790929574225,0.10927695939987338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151178868975044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654827835104296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19724462789616712,0.0,0.0,0.0833240192202342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247652301965545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880782474708932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388901447170793,0.0,0.08149889301647156,0.0,0.0869343626301855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097818824050391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455636353044642,0.0,0.0,0.07473307936676257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054973683143590704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065586030732589,0.09577755070875292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21804266715045476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525920999804696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884756635385527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417716472620128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122853502093673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730227603596519,0.0,0.12913557068729606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261486122793297,0.0,0.0,0.07720867522622762,0.0,0.0,0.1434476037525948,0.07460386101311105,0.09342208838625796,0.0,0.09077421382765263,0.0,0.0,0.1101273354507394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356724948408908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009950632443118,0.061967483832775935,0.09945417948819972,0.0,0.3115542976196771,0.0,0.0826065834313966,0.0,0.07692329160638486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805903069790877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001575719672142,0.10872816737432384,0.0,0.0,0.08195870947038328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846573655377403,0.0,0.15449682977460258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774762000722332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852574841694334,0.061980447085013615,0.0,0.0,0.2256153221952616,0.0,0.0,0.18485863119733406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069896585423883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981208276111261,0.11410729486287452,0.07677948527384162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966934471408113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489916759922108,0.14084065889428593,0.1964672881336708,0.0,0.06871396044227251,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ccholericc,2020/02/20,Does anyone else feel guilty after lashing out at your FP or a loved one? Do you realize that you’ve hurt someones feelings? I find that a lot of times after lashing out I feel extremely guilty and spiral into really destructive thinking because of it.,6.846737588652482,7.831701617021282,7.090212765957446,72.13333333333334,64.74468085106382,9.670921985815603,34.815602836879435,9.725611199111238,3.648509219858156,204,9,32,4,3,66,37,47,0.25,0.6779999999999999,0.071,-0.8675,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,6,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,4,1,8,6,1,7,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,2,3,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20590536952610308,0.3017267854020507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951062398264686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576990627037168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459979909910464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4466897007103638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691469100103091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152440316433273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503540630770779,0.26577725321900336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19954543421237556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864969379702504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24950965392287286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18868915826151503,0.0,0.0,0.17171207710688566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,scorpionxxxxxx,2020/02/20,"DAE feel like they are more then one person?? I’m not talking about like DID or anything so let me try to explain. If you’ve ever seen teen titans go then maybe you’ll recall the episode where raven splits into different versions of herself. Each emotion is its own color and is separate from the others. Or in my hero academia when the villain twice makes copies of himself to the point where he doesn’t know who the real Twice is. That’s kinda how I view myself. I’m not just one whole person but different versions of me live in my body. I constantly feel like my personality changes and I don’t actually know who exactly I am. Which version of me is me? Who exactly am I? I’ve only been recently diagnosed with BPD so there’s still a lot that I don’t know. Hopefully people with more experience could help me out.",1.6994736842105276,4.269775950920248,3.2478140135615132,87.05742977074591,83.96932515337423,6.3763642234420415,23.91637068130449,7.669130373188453,1.4053509202453989,652,25,128,12,19,214,107,163,0.013999999999999999,0.8759999999999999,0.11,0.9349,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,1,11,6,1,0,6,0,15,2,1,2,3,30,27,12,0,3,7,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,8,7,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,1,0,4,3,5,19,5,14,21,9,15,0,0,3,0,14,7,0,6,10,91,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.14480436141825512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210990356698168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482456758079453,0.18688830230637785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697382966654086,0.0,0.0,0.1603536919051598,0.0,0.11847498973061407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506097381635119,0.0,0.31006578157411196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691546547816902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422458733448253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451510138637273,0.0,0.0,0.15005790793860066,0.21201548469499049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433178341989855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946071567053442,0.0,0.0,0.14738182797757984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24464893571315766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173581813598536,0.0,0.21748326050400776,0.0,0.13102848889134958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615336851128955,0.0,0.0,0.09904951202342464,0.0,0.1490747421759792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20110181866062898,0.1128550425498126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287290085278096,0.3886975608347544,0.0,0.0,0.1402737307121828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889695561670204,0.0,0.0,0.1465143161028551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850209448019992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926789468946385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007450705391516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566884864788325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MnauMnauMnau,2020/02/20,"Just realised I spent the more than a year trying to accomodate a narcissistic person and now everything makes sense So I am pretty self aware and usually I tend to think that I’m good at dealing with my BPD traits. But just now I realised that this self awareness can be double edged sword actually. As I’m treating the situations that happen in my life with the BPD aware lenses, when I analyze it, I tend to look for the weaknesses on my side, discarding possible issues or even personality disorders on the other person’s end. The person in question now is my FP, with whom I have a relationship for over a year. I have to admit it’s a rocky relationship that is based on (probably perceived) emotional closeness but huge commitment issues from his side going so far that he is comfortable saying really hurtful things knowing that I will be by his side either way. I know lot of you are now thinking “red flag” and “abuse”! It’s not so simple though, because knowing myself and my need for emotional closeness, I have to admit that in some situations I use it against him and try to hurt him with that. This is admittedly a very toxic relationship and it brings out the worst in me apparently. I knew that with the BPD we are prone to forming relationships with people with NPD traits and I always thought that it’s good it never happened to me. Ha, joke’s on me, it did happen to me, I just didn’t know it! So to sum it up, what I learned: 1) don’t ever forget to put other people’s behavior under scrutiny as much as you do yours. 2) even if you are able to function properly in various aspects of life, don’t forget to hold yourself accountable for your actions. Even in the situations that are toxic and you know they are toxic - you can do better than exploit other people’s insecurities (as I’m sure, people with NPD are insecure as hell but tend to deal with it in different ways). This is something between a rant and lesson learned and I would really like to know your thoughts or experiences.",7.234983962496916,6.9010336062176165,7.90292376017765,71.1410276338515,63.974093264248715,11.082950900567482,34.44312854675549,10.608840637214634,3.6210154453491255,1596,62,291,36,21,534,189,386,0.11699999999999999,0.787,0.096,-0.9293,2,0,1,0,1,0,34.0,1,8,1,2,17,16,1,2,16,1,27,3,0,2,4,66,57,27,0,3,11,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,6,31,23,0,1,19,1,2,4,5,7,0,0,6,3,41,9,57,47,9,40,1,2,2,0,33,23,1,6,12,216,72,2,0.08096325276916574,0.09592821532239484,0.07900845561308571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673679121348978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04935444741434015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160541766537877,0.0,0.0,0.3059111478292169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693911704102155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458936699384036,0.0927909020007327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821455240188216,0.0717094107868965,0.0,0.0,0.16042639461423416,0.07323589736340827,0.0,0.0,0.07276455104825072,0.07919759683841211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04601328234760914,0.1358162702945329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147866111155746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17334567322242975,0.0,0.0,0.16900920195512795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669717180997129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114373479597411,0.03955455569115161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798874120983431,0.0,0.0,0.06883206223102703,0.0,0.0,0.05404359991337922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951730653659721,0.0600332260466856,0.0624438517617914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245189009836456,0.2827759576791844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912739025449674,0.0,0.08236873488101974,0.08729208015442469,0.0,0.0,0.08139043123347793,0.09069737241231857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373426581299952,0.0,0.0,0.347696935290309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438522822905897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892466013512247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730182650195679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062329467488351886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630690757419963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053788387576284166,0.10375596644323733,0.07954598477281823,0.12855155803124813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993746812554622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992625527973545,0.08916958452304181,0.06680316269232879,0.0,0.12852972303789564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575139718180108,0.0,0.0,0.10427536059766136 bpd,curiouss_ssoul,2020/02/20,"Validation WHY is it that I have a SO who is the most amazing person. Completely understanding and I know who is no doubt my soulmate. However, I find myself still wanting to be validated or wanted by others. Example, I used to post provocative BBW pictures to reddit and LOVED the attention I got from total strangers. They complimented me, wanted my body, many messaged me privately asking me if I was single. I stopped when I met my SO but now I find myself longing to have that attention again. (SO compliments me, loves me, gives me the attention any person would love) but why is it I feel I need to be wanted from total strangers? What do I actually get from it?!",3.153296703296704,5.785915746031747,4.766190476190476,78.1544505494506,78.04761904761905,8.003907203907204,27.946275946275946,8.841846274778883,2.6959506715506723,528,23,93,13,13,177,77,126,0.046,0.795,0.159,0.9474,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,7,7,0,1,4,0,11,4,1,2,2,27,28,10,0,7,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,9,2,0,1,8,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,24,6,9,22,4,7,0,0,0,3,12,0,0,4,6,75,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.16150919052301194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254920426196896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472501060657784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838389550393998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17352904230300015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836843966762064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025374896129369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646963052912461,0.15876765874660634,0.0,0.0,0.13236961921488102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095732380421513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464668845462471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4481246857823074,0.0,0.0,0.1677962850672284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272000089164264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890254952443998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850822166297798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217265811142714,0.13836974923806666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722967391038924,0.0,0.14294334446736162,0.0,0.0,0.390476995390356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29868538164257985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757013803155213,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TT_EE,2020/02/20,"Hotline aftermath I was feeling a little on edge all this week and I haven’t slept in 3 days which usually means for me at least that I’m about to spin out and relapse. I Talked to an online chat hotline it asked for my number to start the chat so by that they got my info. I talked on the chat and expressed how I tried getting an appointment with my mental health provider and i was told I couldn’t be seen until April, we’re in mid February..... this frustrated me and pushed me more. They stated how they can act as an advocate for appointments and assigned me a social worker. They gave me a time frame to show up at my doctors before they sent a social worker to my house for a welfare check. This kind of grew more than I wanted or faster than I could process. Now I feel tapped and ashamed and I didn’t want all this I just wanted to talk to vent now I’m sitting in the hospital waiting to be seen in fear that I’ll be checked in. I’m not suicidal I just didn’t want to self harm. Now it just seems everything is out of control and o have no say. I’m sinking and I’m the only one to blame I called I had to say something I should have just taken a nap or at this point I should have just self harmed but I had to highlight myself. I know I shouldn’t feel this way but all I feel is shame and embarrassment.",1.0188900308324804,3.0465427338129523,2.416675231243577,95.42008992805758,82.09352517985613,5.554162384378213,20.71993833504625,6.7097532225279775,0.18613627954779047,1032,30,235,11,28,333,143,278,0.087,0.873,0.04,-0.9209999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,5,3,13,8,1,4,13,0,21,3,1,3,3,48,49,20,1,9,10,0,4,0,0,3,2,2,0,2,12,14,0,2,8,5,2,4,7,7,0,1,14,8,37,1,38,27,6,35,0,0,2,0,23,16,0,3,12,156,49,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989014586585326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822770784809128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187327593843194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15583302597224533,0.11093228553402484,0.0,0.0,0.08960480673753474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221097891066453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487031443065705,0.0,0.0,0.1563461292890382,0.2810089577206664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259041623821963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112301159730796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768672444993766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603181072706621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468463088194208,0.0763577912205674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392543823348669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134639327305427,0.0,0.0,0.14001884245859733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414934080094707,0.1056701320047073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134321077949687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22098133164653086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648575912936774,0.28988944647204995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28326366877160003,0.0,0.10696280113657107,0.0,0.0,0.09834244817052096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197781074855332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350241307169691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101703219111815,0.0,0.0,0.1327631255607603,0.0,0.09433114074629692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530227823388867,0.0,0.32780165074590223,0.11028410605312962,0.11144928845863623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SunflowerPits790,2020/02/20,"Made progress by realizing my delusions I moved in with my dad for a month, and prior to this had never lived with him. He was absent fro a large majority of my life but is trying to be there now that he has cancer, which I admire because it shows in a way that he cares. Unfortunately he has rather poor choice in women, his last wife was a meth addict who stole money, along with robbing him of his kitchen cabinets when he went on vacation.... they eventually divorced after 5 years and now he’s dating this woman I’ll call M. M has had a prior history with meth as well but supposedly is sober, I overheard her talking about it late one night and found it odd but didn’t want to judge..... but after being there for a couple nights I realized that she had brought a girl home at 1am who stayed until around 3am.... this happened about 3-4 times while I was staying there and it started freaking me out because they were strangers to me, and she would wait until me and my dad were “asleep” to bring them over. To me it felt like maybe she was doing drugs, but overall I just felt really unsafe because if I woke up and ran into them all of her friends would comment on my physical appearance saying “you’re really pretty,” “you have a banging body” and shit like that. For other people it would probably just be a normal compliment but I don’t enjoy hearing those things often because I was raped at 16 and it just doesn’t do kind things when strangers comment on me. I tried to brush all this aside but eventually lost it when I decided to stay with my mom for a couple of nights and M texted me saying that she made cake for me and I should drive 20 minutes to have cake with her. It felt very demanding and strange since I didn’t ask for the cake, and also I’ve only known her for a month..... not to mention she called me her daughter. So I just said that this text made me uncomfortable and asked her to stop, but I called my dad to talk about these issues and she answered his phone (which to me felt like interception) but was apparently just answering for him because he was in the bathroom. I talked to my dad and he chose her side, by basically saying that I was delusional (which I agreed, I was being paranoid) and saying that I blew up on her over cake that I wanted, I didn’t argue with him just explained that I felt unsafe having strangers (to me) in the house at odd hours of the morning, especially after my trauma with being raped. I was fearful that her or her friends may be on drugs because most of them were missing a lot of teeth, and would act kind of like they were hiding something. But I just decided that I was the crazy one and I needed to move out before my paranoia tanked me. Now I just feel like I’m crazy and that my dad doesn’t really understand, but also that maybe he shouldn’t have to. Idk I asked him to keep her out of my life, because I just get a weird vibe from her and he sees it as her just trying to “be my friend” also she was apparently a school counselor and to him I should talk to her about my problems even though I’ve been seeing my psychologist weekly for two years.... it all is really confusing and I just feel like a bad person for not wanting to trust this new woman and her strange habits. Like who am I to judge, but also what if I’m right? I’m probably not though idk anymore.",8.126383928571428,5.79400458482143,7.948678571428572,77.97132142857146,63.41964285714286,10.924285714285713,33.70952380952381,9.120678840339163,2.620741309523809,2619,76,548,33,30,843,278,672,0.14,0.7559999999999999,0.10400000000000001,-0.9796,2,0,5,0,1,0,63.0,0,1,6,2,36,31,4,2,20,0,54,13,4,3,4,114,95,54,0,16,30,8,7,7,3,8,6,6,2,5,43,38,1,3,17,1,2,9,11,13,1,3,38,16,98,18,87,42,6,68,0,2,2,2,90,24,1,9,38,385,141,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985307756771482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20496850374977446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635468834798261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05704186151626784,0.17970923677138145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535013806455565,0.2734239956234901,0.0,0.05452456510071014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117478544561028,0.0,0.0,0.1962884710552459,0.0,0.06533048156202029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179933306068082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861729307521518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04232206602003655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210411890601358,0.06479822491699666,0.09155283618090516,0.30761847546748144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025681079922083,0.1485165334757841,0.0,0.03347743898540237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056662827570935874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221911490286685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427416976921832,0.0,0.0631026571295629,0.07393592615305845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687944294022022,0.0,0.056954328552831626,0.0,0.13345207683009358,0.0,0.052231075034422376,0.0722813256494475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051855773675999,0.21913252460089627,0.0,0.05658091339771242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994730384817767,0.05447573179666132,0.0,0.18189281149231729,0.0,0.0,0.1287473456835729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750458743239712,0.1022908453750206,0.1362068151338514,0.0,0.047512072354174345,0.04941991291076664,0.061885690757740086,0.0,0.18039496941522287,0.06278157605046332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868400809780744,0.048733229262080416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04442272625878487,0.05594931609549952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518905527991155,0.13817107296609754,0.06131276262792916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419673795579715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05472116460994085,0.06095162950668227,0.2038255028826969,0.0,0.06484905660191527,0.10212169183320778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577382727157548,0.0530049209042421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0493293858104637,0.0,0.0,0.04535382876851867,0.20489175794409115,0.0,0.05357100301223755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060097457476687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513944462526113,0.0,0.12591009455567476,0.0,0.03736364788232902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305116503972403,0.0,0.06259363996902534,0.06670612023479802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05287000063693625,0.1133823202585062,0.050861113942881585,0.05139847582766817,0.0,0.057612662204043485,0.05939975688063395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820730399041508,0.0,0.0,0.0825266074093853 bpd,lurker_25111010,2020/02/20,"I need some motivation for meds that are working, but I'm getting slight side effects... recently diagnosed BPD with good signs of recovery because they say I'm very insightful and smart so that's good. I'm also GAD and i was always prescribed anti depressants and anti anxiety meds and an anti psychotic once in college with little to no results, i have FINALLY found one that has seemed to be working! yay! my impulsive behaviour has gone down, my substance abuse has gone down... but the dr said ""if u notice symptoms of depression, u need to stop the medication right away"" caviat for moderators: i am not seeking medical advice from redditors! my main question is, how do you manage annoying side effects that aren't life threatening? I'm just SO HAPPY with the results of this medication, other than the fact that im a little sad and ""low tempo"" these days. im also pretty sensitive to winter with seasonal affective disorder. Before meds, I would go out for beers after work and I was a very bubbly, smiley, ""happy"" and excitable person until I would have meltdowns at home and attack myself. My friends didn't know that. So now that my meds stop me from drinking excessively (i have 1-2 beers, maybe 4 days a week instead of 6-10 drinks seven days a week) but I cry a lot, I have no direction in life, somedays I want to quit my job and move to another city and leave everything behind. It's been a month and a half and I have a check up appointment next week to see how I'm doing with this medication. I love everything about it, but the depression is new and lame. what's your experience with side effects? Do u deal with them? Push through? Take the bad with the good? TLDR; started mood stabilizers and for the first time I feel like a medication is finally working :') But the psychiatrist said if depression as a side effect starts, then I need to stop right away. But the depression isn't disparaging and I love the rest of the results. So my question is how do yall cope with inconvenient side effects of your medications edit: wording.",4.985814966228227,6.613440213917532,6.050611446853889,75.51273195876287,69.54123711340206,9.578528261642372,31.162815499466767,9.921728534948242,3.2776134731603284,1625,69,289,41,29,540,207,388,0.193,0.649,0.158,-0.9261,1,0,4,0,1,0,54.0,0,4,2,12,14,24,2,0,23,1,27,17,0,13,1,69,52,35,0,8,10,0,1,1,1,2,11,3,1,1,14,25,4,3,13,4,1,5,6,11,0,4,9,5,31,12,45,40,4,49,0,8,1,2,16,19,0,7,26,187,45,9,0.0,0.08286572152389353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068343122001131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185963422020537,0.05819445955347941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333664667541899,0.05350278395974813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956517443967095,0.13141910219368072,0.0,0.05839575115007894,0.042633878694161215,0.0,0.05951253774703835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808513012178236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682419105837017,0.13531369778737626,0.07210355335848967,0.3011897666971409,0.07098613567580027,0.0,0.0,0.08015561448007613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702626689322905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571248206194502,0.06841330241490842,0.0,0.0,0.035363022145990665,0.04996409975027544,0.0,0.15322848192126534,0.0,0.059489677823085715,0.0,0.07668398816115828,0.05403433472730118,0.0,0.03653999527759614,0.0,0.03974767828842452,0.17598336206114956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489017312061633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015404795040425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15109122765435065,0.0,0.06940319925485369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03843638699426799,0.0,0.0,0.07405480486031342,0.0,0.0,0.09879930402317393,0.03416843298802736,0.1401935609847497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594592371137339,0.126244507673281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026265368345723,0.0,0.3107437609191729,0.42273426593612895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05582426733081903,0.07433358901703217,0.0,0.15557560124661998,0.0,0.0675470680127182,0.0743804200068036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962547986504596,0.0,0.07448225181967116,0.04739215789816735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061067626672569826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115262828550241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669431939308648,0.07438823547529327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905586085033164,0.0,0.0,0.11945424483059615,0.13305511543503099,0.05561792612059545,0.0,0.0,0.05573195337541575,0.0636694109330212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900570290010538,0.0,0.0,0.17541522796323794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726929115732322,0.05258507054350173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04078171922796675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541322348119493,0.04125155699250905,0.0,0.16830141022772693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20366433098679812,0.0,0.0,0.09936465004351468,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Blue_Vertigo,2020/02/20,"FP and a breakup Hey So I’m seeking support/advice on how to deal with breaking up with your favourite person? I’m proud of myself for doing the “breakup” yesterday evening and realising they weren’t good for me, I’ve been watching dr Daniel Fox’s videos (thanks to this subreddit) but it still hurts like hell. And for the first time in my life I’ve decided to work through the pain and all the emotions instead of suppressing them. So maybe someone has some positive experiences/thoughts/tricks they’ve used or think that can work. Thank you in advance. 💛",4.409737945492664,6.593229764150943,3.920314465408804,87.93338574423481,72.11320754716981,7.352620545073376,31.58909853249476,8.167268648758528,2.257735010482181,449,21,87,7,9,134,83,106,0.129,0.7390000000000001,0.132,-0.3818,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,2,5,6,8,1,0,5,0,5,3,0,2,1,15,11,9,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,3,0,1,2,1,7,5,15,9,2,10,1,1,1,0,7,4,1,2,5,50,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208124712066095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329621962485449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541826149819625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924916296034665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19220753144966365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18953051372810092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24190249391433286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960727163217034,0.11039612918501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22701436134453465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404449658269312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19730578822649694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19146122204125987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804576476453368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256424829439766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4160803605454072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479061735163815,0.0,0.0,0.13176325486904766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19516305458115765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290135342448324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ole_worm,2020/02/20,"Had a very enlightening, sobering conversation with my roommate. I've spent the last three months living with two of my best friends from college. A couple days ago, I somewhat angrily texted one of my roommates to ask her to close my tortillas the next time she used them because she'd left them open and they'd gone stale overnight. To make a long story short, she immediately responded with what I felt was insanely disproportionate anger at this reasonable request. She said a few extremely nasty and personal things to me, including calling me entitled and self-centered, as well as pointing out the fact that I haven't been leaving my room often, among other things. Meanwhile, I kept it civil on my end but expressed that I was livid with her response and didn't understand how she got so angry over such a simple, reasonable request. I was especially mad that it felt like she was personally attacking me, and I was convinced that I was completely in the right. Today—two days after this incident, and also following a series of scathing texts between us—we finally sat down and talked about it. I went into it feeling extremely self-righteous and demanding an apology. She admitted to responding disproportionately to the problem at hand, but also gave me something of a speech that completely illuminated behavior I had no idea I was doing. She told me she was upset because it seemed like I would go a few days ignoring her and my other roommate in favor of being alone in my room, only to come out in an extremely negative huff, demanding emotional support for whatever I was going through (usually having to do with my on-again, off-again relationship). There have also been multiple incidents where I have self-harmed and they've had to deal with it, or where I've been suicidal and my ex has had to contact them and ask them to check on me. I've also gone to her for support countless times about my relationship while listening to very little of her advice. She says she's felt like my handmaiden, or like she and my other roommate have some secret child (me) locked away in the attic that they have to deal with. She said she blew up at me over the tortilla thing because she has so much resentment pent up towards me and couldn't believe I was once again ignoring her for days then only texting her because I was pissed and/or needed something from her. And she's genuinely right. I was being an emotional leech while never once offering my support in return. I was also constantly putting them in positions where they were responsible for my safety. I'd assumed they were okay with all of this because they never confronted me about it, but I really just wasn't thinking about the very real consequences of my actions. I'm just going to have to double down on my efforts to be a good friend. I have such a hard time wrapping my head around the possibility that people care about me, or that I can impact others, that I end up being a huge strain on those around me. I just wanted to share this here because it was a HUGE wakeup call for me. It's easy to be borderline abusive (no pun intended) if you don't check yourself and think about the impact your actions have on others. TLDR; my roommate's very legitimate complains about the effects of my BPD made me realize that sometimes I'm the problem.",10.753673697270472,8.251282027419357,10.077741935483873,65.28276674937969,58.564516129032256,13.409429280397026,42.55583126550869,11.807384569943707,4.990447890818858,2667,116,459,60,26,860,287,620,0.132,0.736,0.132,-0.8235,0,1,2,0,0,0,56.0,0,2,10,3,30,30,6,2,27,1,49,3,3,8,4,81,88,36,1,7,10,1,6,4,2,1,0,5,2,3,33,32,0,3,17,0,3,11,10,13,1,3,40,11,93,17,85,39,8,81,0,0,0,0,70,45,1,9,29,348,126,1,0.0,0.08131174609500308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706148792650587,0.060833674632312165,0.0,0.0,0.07107685163514607,0.0,0.27440484463079995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218511906341853,0.1283139195673289,0.07807309395330267,0.06447730420427612,0.0,0.0,0.2510062102162637,0.0,0.0,0.07731910268744338,0.07201977869366266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643327546653266,0.0,0.1401516334912604,0.0,0.06996977707196148,0.0,0.0,0.059116064267653624,0.14390815996309378,0.07416138224527707,0.0,0.0,0.07593444503994434,0.0,0.17703489187609986,0.14150280032359375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15439222497348098,0.1215662645850386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034699861716133866,0.0,0.19767798097042574,0.07517749913582895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060420647997824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700687807040955,0.05756105254666,0.05488726291408677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06147629191914019,0.0,0.07043107755934243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774715040300378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055940145993229856,0.0,0.0726660599724647,0.07456341160039931,0.0,0.0,0.13411069844051324,0.06878226017533315,0.06059887823125161,0.06073271531624449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649365052209083,0.045809040222921114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054777398514949366,0.0,0.05044872461243912,0.05088603407419424,0.105858711174489,0.0,0.07298556887951575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617098209418022,0.046503415876237165,0.10438781732314266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0475773050946393,0.11984485896723115,0.0,0.0,0.06487467571666501,0.07736660547570755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133349793754767,0.0,0.06898906705162444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811252448719451,0.043964198931411964,0.14111992487475808,0.0,0.14735938131091314,0.0,0.17582119084370326,0.1305599416011243,0.05457492680787808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247542265484859,0.2147787128311947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566479982175683,0.06787383530430825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506677452094224,0.2336312416082837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551597647835021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677814286746334,0.08794679199358167,0.0,0.0,0.1200508269837242,0.0,0.06505035010726676,0.06557601772310044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407716980005935,0.07144310359526976,0.08254980383533476,0.059271674090582586,0.0755829199132596,0.2264977737749584,0.04047796925573481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06170389433165665,0.0636178954707546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04875063564629346,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HelloAndTheEmployees,2020/02/20,"Locke and key Anyone else watch this show?? One of the antagonists ""has BPD"" and it just felt like they said to themselves Oh what can we do to make this a baaad guy He's a character that was easily manipulated by the big bad because she told him he was special and then all of a sudden he's a psycho killer?! He's a clown that takes things too far for positive attention and came from a bad home. Like what about this screams BPD? I don't even think that a mental health diagnosis of this character was even necessary D: Just tired of the stereotype of BPD = real bad people",5.330283251231529,5.476965353448279,5.928029556650247,82.07706896551727,67.8793103448276,9.732019704433498,27.778325123152708,9.606745405546679,2.1161738916256168,455,13,97,9,7,148,78,116,0.19,0.6829999999999999,0.128,-0.845,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,1,0,6,7,0,0,10,0,7,2,0,2,1,15,14,5,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,1,1,11,6,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,4,0,1,7,4,5,3,11,7,1,5,0,0,1,0,11,2,0,0,4,56,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131399723913636,0.16311577806114247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987676523283583,0.09704479853239972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6015078126733476,0.0,0.0,0.18207855394322026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298837108052694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21029576813232434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285374669445953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762970960406014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921859161869648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968721725784876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555088099197648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626499819823017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604327769416785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787576819448967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036691045163527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812006371121833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143246716684655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196960664384738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576317858249323,0.10200678345648752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297312720077008,0.0,0.15211921863636071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,maitytake,2020/02/20,"I broke up with my bf after l realized I had BPD while he was describing his abusive dad’s behaviors. Did I overreact? I should also mention we had been having a lot of fights that I blew out of proportion on a weekly basis for months. I know realize that I was having anger outbursts and splitting. I broke up because the mental instability that it was causing me was hell, and given his history with his dad the worst thing I could do is keep a cycle of emotional instability. But I love him so much. He is so so caring. Did I overreact by breaking up?? Is the fact that I might have BPD the kiss of death to our relationship?? I’m going to therapy tomorrow to sort this out but I’m meeting him today and don’t know what to do.",3.532610565110564,4.764699668918919,5.682948402948406,78.28269041769043,72.58108108108108,9.165601965601963,28.31941031941032,9.573946990214177,2.6141945945945944,573,22,114,14,11,201,91,148,0.163,0.7909999999999999,0.046,-0.9149,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,2,0,0,0,4,9,3,0,7,0,21,2,0,1,1,22,30,10,1,2,2,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,10,0,21,3,19,17,3,14,1,2,0,2,17,6,1,3,6,89,29,0,0.0,0.2399698078455231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161966458722943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234629167501696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5101692560120202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20649702860069968,0.20805832686291664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617070106073633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278236192126603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510480504811195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002162743807,0.0,0.0,0.22261490593866665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721872620237785,0.1827949463951428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20410675155285096,0.2148566899879868,0.0,0.0,0.16166079843558842,0.0,0.14888587851937293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21744584340925927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23161541171298344,0.0,0.13455466660795995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19197865948280388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624606505149133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,evil_edamame,2020/02/20,"DAE Come up with fake scenarios in their head of ways they could get more attention/affection? Sometimes I come up with these fake scenarios in my head of ways I could get more attention or affection from friends of FP. I have to remind myself lying and doing this is manipulative and wrong, and I feel bad for even imagining them. They're usually pretty dramatic. For example I was thinking I could tell people I fell and hurt myself on the ice or that someone in my family is sick just so I can get them to want to come over or give me attention. I know doing that would be wrong so I don't but I keep thinking of them. Does anyone else do this?",4.467131782945739,5.517630441860469,5.550387596899222,80.79829457364346,70.16279069767441,9.76434108527132,27.511627906976752,9.994966539143718,2.5698279069767445,513,17,103,13,9,170,77,129,0.136,0.805,0.06,-0.8284,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,5,0,4,7,0,0,1,0,14,3,2,2,0,29,27,10,0,5,5,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,7,0,0,4,1,6,0,0,1,1,21,1,19,21,2,14,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,3,1,74,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064994291585862,0.15606067234249554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717336661218026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3936074549763178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648239447338444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328842825135412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723634004786946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060001354746384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358530474774212,0.0,0.0770130444649763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767514116326333,0.0,0.2387287152194867,0.14611064007502214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31263016274626043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16305213163180513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538106153156607,0.0,0.0,0.08370617105184837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559330589705407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549550969747249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129052660324012,0.0,0.1506395252828564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312657306916315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19518954449333045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16774910573681512,0.0,0.08983700487470328,0.2417948475989156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081974015181223,0.3330564509448972,0.0,0.0 bpd,atomiclightbulb,2020/02/20,"How do people deal with normal life stresses without having breakdowns every time there's a crisis? All my problems seem to stack up on each other. I try to figure out how to deal with them but it's like a never ending circle of road blocks. Can't fix one problem without fixing this other problem that I can't fix because of a different problem which can't be fixed without fixing the first problem!! Nothing makes me want to fling myself into traffic more than this happening. And I know that life just sucks and things happen to everyone and I'm just poor and this is how life just is. But why can't I just take it normally? Why do I have to have a full on breakdown every time something new pops up to fuck me. I'm realistic enough to know that that's just how life is yet every time it happens I go into full breakdown mode and start contemplating giving up on life entirely.",4.27534065934066,5.688683514285718,5.033714285714286,82.94982417582419,71.0,6.984615384615385,27.17582417582417,7.321109707123232,1.4806835164835164,705,24,131,7,13,228,97,175,0.127,0.7759999999999999,0.098,-0.6462,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,11,9,2,1,5,0,13,6,0,5,2,41,29,11,0,8,10,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,14,11,0,1,4,0,1,1,8,8,0,2,0,0,11,1,25,28,6,22,0,0,0,1,4,12,2,1,10,95,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463794570444513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186348373563251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078399612134196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391552826087166,0.10956248957837507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268017156903728,0.10132097694588883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019330830038147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802763960209034,0.0,0.10171842439208732,0.060262128377186426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812991743333025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654811486578558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744782462146402,0.05180334006505847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077917918008696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817807211145544,0.10240925405875603,0.0,0.0,0.2077835536208144,0.1017434326555952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185205341070129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351131099477125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5073058253149159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653027247286904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163091567971778,0.0,0.0,0.07505211165978036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146272275566446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972511624002859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044493572174643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854895660867177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199079787000619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254218435609504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913601715203344,0.0,0.0,0.3066418393905741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Rumerhazzit,2020/02/20,"For anyone having a ""bad day"" Hey frens! In the past, I've found it helpful to stumble across friendly reminders for self care when I'm really down, if it doesn't work for you, that's totally fine! But just in case anyone needs to hear it: You **will not** feel this bad forever. Your emotions may seem so overwhelming right now that you can't imagine a time in which you won't feel like this, but I promise, every emotion passes with time. Remove yourself from triggering situations if it's possible and effective to do so, try to distract yourself with something you love, your favourite childhood movie, a chat with a friend, even a cuddle with your pet. Are you looking after yourself? Have you been drinking enough water? Maybe try for some healthy food, if you're feeling up for it. Or, if it'd help to soothe you, maybe allow yourself a treat, like your favourite chocolate bar! You deserve kindness, even from yourself. It helps me to try and talk to myself like I'd talk to a close friend when I'm really down, as I'd never dream of saying the nasty things I say to myself to any of my loved ones. Feel like you can't get a shower today? That's okay! Maybe even try changing into clean clothes, or your favourite comfy shirt. Feel like you can't leave the house? That's okay too! Maybe try to get out of bed, or if that feels like too much, even get yourself out from under the covers and sit up for a little while. Take it one step at a time, and only do what feels productive and effective for you, everyone finds their comfort and wellness in different places. Take care of yourselves, guys. Don't listen to that awful, toxic voice in your head. You're a beautiful person, who deserves so much more than what your negative thoughts will lead you to believe.",4.6719941348973615,6.101219448680358,4.505553079178887,87.05432961876836,70.05571847507332,7.215530791788857,27.716246334310853,7.554174236665415,1.4837311671554252,1396,48,271,15,25,427,181,341,0.096,0.6729999999999999,0.23,0.9953,2,0,2,0,0,0,51.0,0,20,1,4,14,25,0,2,15,3,16,9,2,5,2,48,41,23,0,6,12,0,7,6,3,4,0,5,4,3,21,14,4,0,14,4,0,4,9,4,1,2,3,13,27,21,49,33,6,37,0,1,1,3,41,19,0,11,19,169,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056919725503572785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705173112997015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977410802283086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430265473170013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067802133049798,0.0,0.08854483230123243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05398038681185755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744999943669694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199536718637429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18830529815884206,0.0,0.08648577400491729,0.0,0.22113556533518264,0.0,0.07052191965400346,0.07998013871190038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962530959933156,0.2391847810232014,0.0,0.0,0.07650143320083531,0.0,0.10121189310550582,0.0917741088500814,0.19400215230655665,0.0,0.13119135758589046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828774046584264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590163825761647,0.0,0.09433740069832124,0.0,0.16830956615474352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658001348927754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871619796426218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862754644214484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453532397159483,0.0838906493677376,0.0,0.0,0.07028797580356279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108730605643064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363566544655716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230601104623031,0.06206342204154387,0.06455556999015591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343627690427514,0.06365857823657066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990232151028585,0.0,0.07308470975304975,0.08744999943669694,0.0,0.0,0.09436059175999932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724233800654344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148041677649891,0.0,0.1331251993592247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619848144970802,0.0873186663918196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408372064819824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443731748392093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586585814515472,0.13455180085283505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0556073964188597,0.0,0.0,0.06644944912661288,0.1464206294926359,0.0,0.07933900540904777,0.0,0.0,0.2841382985627195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752574828277787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060935512513969566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BabyDoll650,2020/02/20,"Help with Doctors After living with someone who has bpd I noticed a lot of similarities of my thought process, feelings, and behavior. I decided to do some research and I think that I should into getting a proper diagnosis and getting access to resources to manage myself better. The problem I have is I dont know what words to use with my doctor, i feel very vulnerable when talking about specifics on how I feel so its too emotionally draining, and most medications things make me anxious. Does anyone have any advice on how to navigate my situation?",9.5766,8.943967460000003,9.674000000000003,61.32700000000003,59.4,11.6,44.0,10.793553405168565,5.0997,446,24,68,9,5,148,74,100,0.071,0.871,0.057999999999999996,-0.0754,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,3,0,7,3,0,4,0,25,17,8,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,13,1,15,15,3,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,2,55,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846666835074512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851122043434693,0.0,0.0,0.21349085134262988,0.0,0.13213750319756293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167135293834099,0.0,0.0,0.2380106200832125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38685307859577744,0.1653755353752663,0.0,0.22148029171265607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125743181871758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866581959070837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19746594962928204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266676743194757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038571242344319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16687064682342165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066196275749126,0.0,0.0,0.12614398806505928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19037500924157846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21515220345251465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180826001982978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21241869416157316,0.0,0.0,0.16012007248250412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189300357880034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554829306960796,0.12108918922566315,0.0,0.15002707284516076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16321593538511733,0.0,0.15592627750327126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Wariotrout_,2020/02/20,"what does living with bpd feel like? asking so i can better understand a friend who was recently diagnosed, thanks!",3.804833333333332,7.102411149999997,4.1200000000000045,77.39833333333334,87.5,8.666666666666668,21.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.798666666666666,93,3,14,3,3,29,20,20,0.0,0.537,0.46299999999999997,0.9016,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,4,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909254864105573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752268489998488,0.0,0.0,0.3919394371545836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31585655858243394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27232900040955577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734963411897387,0.22231789982014027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24042862524878866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203424658925366,0.0,0.2747910465958499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30726769883275923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865067127040876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239651587952245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,french_toast_north,2020/02/20,"Our BPD Superpowers The other day, as I was obsessing over my mortifying life, I remembered something that happened a few years back that I never thought of in a positive way before so I thought I’d share with you all. I still feel icky over the interactions, but I realize some good was done that day. I had told an old ‘friend’ that I had depression, but never told her about the BPD or anything, and she knew I had never been hospitalized. She was excited because apparently she had a 20-something son who had just gotten out of inpatient after a six month stay and asked if I would be willing to just hang out with him because ‘we had the same thing’ and he’s been really lonely since he got released. I said ok, because I can never say no, and meeting someone else with depression might be ok. So I met this guy at a restaurant and it turns out he DOESN’T have depression, but has severe Antisocial Personality Disorder and was committed for having homicidal urges. He was very excited to meet with me, because apparently his mother told him I suffered from the same mental illness. Scared the crap out of me, but I finished the meal and pretended that everything was fine because I didn’t want a potential serial killer mad at me (I’m not maligning all people with APD-this guy in particular was definitely so far off the deep end that mass murderer was a very good descriptor of his mindset). The next day he called and left a message and there was just something in his voice that I KNEW was off. I called the woman he said was his social worker and told her I felt he was going to do something like murder TODAY, but couldn’t pinpoint why I thought so- it was just a feeling I had. She assured me that he would never know that I spoke with her. His mom later called and told me that he was taken to the ER by the police because his social worker called them (he must have lost autonomy rights because he never outwardly threatened anyone that day). At the ER he broke down and asked his mom how she knew that he planned on killing her and his sibling that night while they were sleeping. I never knew what happened to him after that because I dropped that friend as fast as possible, and I never stopped feeling icky over the whole situation, but I realized the other night that it was the BPD superpower of hyper-feeling and being able to feel other people’s emotions from a tone or look that probably stopped him from killing his family. Maybe our powers of extreme empathy are causing positive effects all the time and we just never see it. Tl:dr; tricked into meeting a psychopath, FELT his intentions that no one else saw, he was committed and was stopped from committing murder. BPD makes our emotional nerves completely raw, but it also gives us the ability to feel other’s secret intentions.",10.009014984033406,7.754748453860638,9.525024154589367,67.89326455416364,59.7532956685499,12.92593138459019,41.16605256693686,11.467429594995785,4.652314271677722,2243,96,400,49,23,725,251,531,0.157,0.718,0.125,-0.9885,5,2,4,0,0,0,43.0,6,1,2,6,15,29,8,2,30,2,46,5,2,6,17,99,87,37,5,6,16,4,7,1,2,5,2,5,0,4,31,30,1,3,20,1,0,2,15,17,2,2,52,15,64,12,49,26,8,62,0,7,3,0,83,24,1,5,34,284,95,2,0.0594566454507779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047547457885892735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041573468935048326,0.0,0.04892775317147726,0.0,0.11116787487863118,0.0,0.0,0.04571849031195011,0.0,0.28995375368130444,0.0,0.05059322608975207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995342542668393,0.0,0.2428475306268995,0.0,0.0,0.06107835296470871,0.0,0.0,0.06233916154512291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533784703607894,0.0,0.15362976481223695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814246676878284,0.0,0.0,0.06084479120253156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933679592803496,0.1337614469728625,0.052660940202052434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05343579914452901,0.0,0.05605043382505722,0.0,0.1803783984733252,0.0,0.1141754073597072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187211357337004,0.0,0.0,0.05703623206462265,0.03379058178860918,0.09973882660535142,0.04755291083491565,0.0,0.0,0.11774285351350353,0.10515463042707178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155993791276815,0.0,0.03267581741413775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459981925006687,0.0,0.04199598702378764,0.02904751369608397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992860763985167,0.0,0.06490395203378424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03968777252681259,0.0,0.05973219187161965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059918314262129686,0.0630741049675059,0.0,0.13926980911311634,0.047457727149325606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127096732180883,0.0,0.06323281695783853,0.1115920681038672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062389747716291286,0.0,0.040289361707525784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824395033314845,0.05191524945789516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702843422061414,0.0,0.0,0.0641043199585865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038089449550186436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735278891539104,0.05077565034937287,0.11311377051699642,0.04728231087746625,0.059526474391890065,0.0,0.0473792485464334,0.0,0.0,0.06716908569809832,0.0,0.04918315152490449,0.06683176062246472,0.059499584329055374,0.12121712497030003,0.050377422746336914,0.1830905218275564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337287309212697,0.047482153860271166,0.14912525366759632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03950035330979339,0.0,0.0,0.14160580534852027,0.03466964810002562,0.0,0.05635794780426191,0.2840668634339141,0.0,0.0,0.0646717568449091,0.0,0.0,0.07151902377361909,0.0,0.0,0.0981159186010642,0.035069069955434136,0.04719391767978238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05365037462971566,0.0663812213265743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447259006747379,0.0,0.0,0.03828813030760752 bpd,Shaynanigans50,2020/02/20,Careers I was wondering what kind of careers some of you have chosen to do? I've been in the healthcare field for awhile and want to go back to school. Just not sure if I want to make that choice or a different one.,3.7586666666666666,4.308817755555555,4.157777777777781,91.97000000000004,71.44444444444444,7.777777777777778,26.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,1.1001111111111108,169,5,39,2,3,53,37,45,0.046,0.893,0.061,-0.0931,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,1,11,9,3,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,3,2,8,7,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,1,27,5,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641301133240658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588841401698806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952188301978679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577021420359254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292887578649273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23276432797654084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34764009682737584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237444597000393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052101177574211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725108382125487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,such_a_peach,2020/02/20,"DAE feel like they come across as ""weird""? Like, I am a pretty high functional BPD/anxiety sufferer, but sometimes I think I just come across as pretty weird. Sometimes, I cannot comprehend what other people are telling me and I keep misunderstanding, as if we're speaking different languages and I've seen people being quite put off by this. I also tend to be quite agitated, look around frantically like I am lost if I am not sure where to go, get easily startled, I sometimes start rambling, jump from one subject to another and just act like I am somewhat out of it. I feel like people are constantly judging me and that I can easily be spotted as ""mentally ill"" if that makes sense, even though otherwise, on paper, I wouldn't be so.. obvious I guess? I don't exactly get why this is happening and I am wondering if other people with BPD can relate or have any insight.",5.7215388828039435,6.714358415662653,6.644852135815992,74.30085980284777,67.25301204819277,10.373713033954001,32.56078860898138,10.436869588844218,3.5695855421686744,691,29,124,18,11,230,104,166,0.151,0.7040000000000001,0.146,-0.2365,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,3,8,12,0,2,1,0,18,1,0,1,3,32,36,18,0,5,9,0,2,5,0,1,1,1,0,0,8,10,0,1,5,0,0,6,4,6,0,1,2,5,19,6,17,29,1,16,0,2,2,0,3,8,0,8,7,84,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885517313487582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406269599982626,0.12962150206853146,0.0945654258287105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004389441238674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31137848248833205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21296740500679215,0.0,0.13358430846296532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915175983008914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164679133227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250072986983861,0.17662170150202436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916786594897842,0.0,0.0702534680415002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617627540073046,0.0,0.10931267052960854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060643382446882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987502776024864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019611482127235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380578420124613,0.0,0.13494078759867964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251422471188888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245752263884994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376497933179286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427973539424508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25152255993679185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426759769817132,0.0,0.26296034126597306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3667763090715305,0.0,0.08749560080147406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650603084803172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080452889504822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920774285964073,0.12145148126684817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154365151338756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405560437460073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,streetcat01,2020/02/20,"i think i just don't get it. drunk rn. i don't get it. they get it, i know they do, they feel the same deep down. i know they do. but they're embarrassed. that's why i'm the most beautiful thing..... that they keep in the dark. my darkness resonates to people's deepest insecurities. i can't connect because they don't meet themselves. i don't know. people saw themselves in me, i know they did. but they're afraid... and i take to blame and swear to god people will tell me it's all in me but another entity with BPD told me, they relate even if they're afaid to admit it. it'll be noted as clinical delusion it may as well be registeted ""other"" and i may look at the comments and wish i had a mother i had no one some might find that rude to say some say borderlines have no soul an empty bucket not worth the toll i don't know about you but i know about me and i just needed a loving family i am worthy and so are you i see beneath the pain and sin what you're worth the way they colour you blue there's more authomony than you know that the name that's in you and if you think i can't feel you i can i can and it's turning me blue. i'm sorry. i still believe in you i still believe in me and the soul that resides in me.",-0.6437589376915192,1.4411374194756554,1.6193871297242095,97.86317671092951,90.53558052434455,4.7344909771876065,16.33060946544093,6.273863323946077,-0.533398501872659,949,22,229,10,33,318,124,267,0.15,0.747,0.102,-0.8717,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,8,9,0,10,8,1,3,12,0,24,4,0,0,1,45,51,19,0,4,9,1,2,0,0,5,2,2,0,0,17,11,1,1,13,1,2,0,10,6,1,1,5,10,48,2,21,39,6,14,3,0,6,1,27,11,0,8,2,155,65,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420007613106834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825514051520904,0.0,0.0,0.3051462623071141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705580511855636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944431550891224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766289831801053,0.0,0.13694588707340954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377237135470093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122557022823317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203684368874136,0.0,0.0,0.5209670095173935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371956156808072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222277001729225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366031624480488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041298050329366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176479709361396,0.0,0.1440975276468894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816516808070537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153844826475569,0.0,0.0,0.1079130307616473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159276003577607,0.0,0.0,0.2162948247324379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018197639142406,0.0,0.11836395229311256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996771735706538,0.17354466054286574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940060094902553,0.0,0.0,0.14729919743186404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749091314417614,0.0,0.0,0.12175977262185647,0.0,0.12219641943279055,0.0,0.15572750541220085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ToastNoodles,2020/02/20,"ASD/ADHD misdiagnosed as bpd? Has anyone ever hear of this ever happening before? I just started to work with a new therapist and she seems pretty sure that a lot of people diagnosed with BPD who have an ED have a lot of overlap with ASD and ADHD and might actually be misdiagnosed. I'm really scared and paranoid now that I might have been misdiagnosed and I've got no idea whats going on in my head anymore. Also she seemed to think I was stupid for chronically smoking weed all day because it'd interfere with my SNRI and gave me some psychotic breaks but she doesn't have to deal with this bullshit all day in her head. /rant",5.539838709677419,6.283924758064518,6.442096774193548,76.48314516129034,67.54838709677419,9.748387096774195,29.20967741935484,9.827888789773867,2.679664516129032,506,17,96,11,8,168,85,124,0.115,0.8540000000000001,0.031,-0.8857,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,1,4,0,12,4,2,0,5,28,22,9,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,7,11,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,1,10,1,16,14,5,13,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,7,7,66,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.13792258703740246,0.0,0.33971444548614377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130255606115594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016635725053814,0.09882472884728567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615651345626119,0.0,0.12026568813972742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560130080152994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822987849305729,0.14571019469607233,0.0,0.14345206537348554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25569122570455616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032394621840451,0.0,0.11303852287384858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498208719637395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29010100154505025,0.0,0.1592948340732791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595500288305201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403159515106476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998682323304547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650223841739628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798390381816946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437885213377921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054282984228357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150100633180646,0.0,0.0,0.25733217937566244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003765122275544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320657921725626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410084607020914,0.0,0.09056177089763973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289357437485276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kortlek,2020/02/20,"I need help. TW; selfharm, suicide Hi. Want to apologise for any spelling mistakes, english is not my first language. I've been a longtime lurker in here and this have been a very helpful place for me. Last week I slipped and cut myself for the first time in 10 years. My anxiety took over and I couldnt stop myself. I spent a week in the psych ward before they discharged me because ""I have borderline and the only thing that works is DBT."" I started to cut again this monday and spent the whole day monday and tuesday just cutting until I finally threw away my razors. I have never ever felt the need to cut myself when I am sober, it only comes out while I am drunk which is the reason I stay away from alcohol and other drugs. Something took over me and it felt very good. I want to continue and it's very hard to stop thinking about it. The problem for me is that I can't get to treatment because of my severe agoraphobia. Just opening my front door gives me anxiety. Is there anywhere I can get some of the basics in DBT online so I can stop hurting myself? I really need help and I feel so fucking lost. I know that the only treatment for me is DBT but my agoraphobia is stopping me from going anywhere at all. I feel so lost and I know that if I don't get things done now I will not survive until 2021. So sorry if this is triggering for anyone.",2.417095588235295,4.4587534007352945,3.6634941176470575,88.1756235294118,77.49264705882355,5.969647058823531,24.48294117647059,6.918507183188421,0.954319823529412,1063,37,211,11,25,346,141,272,0.11900000000000001,0.8190000000000001,0.062,-0.8978,0,0,3,0,0,4,24.0,0,0,1,6,13,11,5,0,12,0,22,4,0,2,3,46,49,22,1,10,7,0,5,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,15,14,2,4,8,1,2,6,6,10,0,2,12,5,40,1,29,35,3,45,0,3,0,1,6,12,1,3,26,153,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121543522212356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076878564344488,0.0,0.15922116868026526,0.0,0.0,0.07276571343453728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955477966710236,0.0,0.0,0.1268759396924841,0.0,0.08855292295014675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964407133693128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711428049664084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649615617943188,0.0,0.0,0.1206840960440554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413410324704544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523829411170033,0.0,0.19984031128573795,0.1139997592693568,0.0,0.17703781609813551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620779833583162,0.16311134639406585,0.0998300652823614,0.05914338769895992,0.08728603916118659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322313937169263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20926073524719652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114053359623462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438444888547268,0.08482808353598953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22720174647142702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23149196373835185,0.0802624969517287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374417781041947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872733854393801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995775818628388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666766189702157,0.1069976897925626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756551874956055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011547259081504,0.0,0.11649392184591605,0.07365880125801269,0.11092103788956166,0.0,0.3480170006559459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113831855580256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382743111475242,0.06668160840031351,0.0,0.0,0.06068201050203705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312434115704469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575972729427152,0.12276223082464773,0.0,0.1669517312541829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618652597960034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576164826908527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701541125327679 bpd,Itsmay1987,2020/02/20,"The mood swings... Here we go again! Hello, there, dear folks, The past three days were not good. So low, feeling shame, guilt, diminishing thoughts, the usual. Thoughts of suicide creeping back again. Today the Sun is shining, literally and figuratively. The joy was so crisp at my midday walk, I wept in exhilaration. But I fear the coming down again. I used to think the higher I soared, the more painful the fall. Now I cannot afford to believe in such delusions. The pain will come back. It is the wheel of samsara. But I cannot allow this knowledge to rob me of my happiness again. Year after year, I feared to feel good, to be happy, to display joy. I feared the curses of the immovable hearts of the stone gods my parents helped me built around myself. The gods are never forgiving! They are never satisfied! Until you drop on your knees in front of them and offer them your bleeding heart, and even then they will judge you ruthlessly! Pathetic! They scream. What are you happy about? What is you sinful, pitiful joy in the eyes of the cold, cruel universe? You deserve to suffer, and suffer only!.. I will own to my joy. You cannot stop me anymore, you vengeful gods of the past! I will not allow the fear of tomorrow to ruin my now! I am happy now, and you can't take that away from me anymore!",2.2184101382488493,4.852282177419358,2.9949308755760384,89.36596774193548,82.06451612903227,5.317050691244241,21.357142857142858,6.7097532225279775,0.5142610599078341,1012,31,195,11,28,318,140,248,0.256,0.622,0.122,-0.9905,2,0,0,0,0,1,50.0,1,10,5,0,17,30,1,6,19,0,18,7,4,3,2,27,28,11,1,0,4,1,2,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,5,9,0,1,8,0,0,6,8,17,0,1,4,6,37,12,31,19,2,40,1,6,2,0,21,10,0,0,23,140,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164720593201533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715637143559956,0.0,0.0,0.10253917931176797,0.16784148381702707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229616751589772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802624548142705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038528031898918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208492599758462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4912444560717164,0.11036737303195847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062025904046074165,0.18308033070851096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4647196963339361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25865921005020154,0.07315321171162129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834862283391966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300471964949123,0.23226204052790675,0.0,0.1211853483281,0.0,0.20837002584813227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124464259200624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937976545316653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205854229068638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993152075305406,0.0,0.17328749866578114,0.0,0.0,0.10345050240949656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426059126832803,0.12020059885473207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056318481996738 bpd,coralinehop,2020/02/20,"How do you know when to stop sharing? My partners have told me over the years, ""I'm not your therapist"". I thought I was supposed to share everything with a partner though? Especially when you've been together 1+ years. Also, I notice it with friends. They used to leave a lot, so i just never share any of the real hard shit and they stay. But then I have difficulties and want to share them so i share them with my partner and they say it's too much. How the fuck am I supposed to know the limit of info I share with someone??!! Please help me understand if you do.",1.8181422924901192,3.865929565217397,3.057707509881425,91.7610276679842,79.43478260869566,6.2687747035573125,23.49802371541502,7.348242739294969,0.8445652173913052,440,15,96,6,11,142,72,115,0.114,0.6859999999999999,0.2,0.8639,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,5,1,10,9,2,0,6,0,7,2,1,3,1,25,16,14,0,2,4,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,2,7,0,2,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,2,20,7,12,12,2,9,0,0,0,1,21,1,2,2,7,67,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146777208101584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730607926503147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814641585664186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599556900251713,0.18666302472349205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18087216910002674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533636729652232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22192948575500146,0.0,0.0,0.2137940899958584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165710603865475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842746633098147,0.0,0.15572584252029215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298764683850251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22163712136840533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298183787086719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605673517719571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20725825005286044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710781306869395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21520975218308608,0.0,0.16880623795919975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344336791447552,0.0,0.0,0.198376063429084,0.1602944014254546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929341571563814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21019597492169448,0.0,0.17438586362779224,0.0,0.0,0.119092057628959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600475134865742 bpd,funnyhappygirl123,2020/02/20,"I thought that being in a relationship would fix all my problems but ugh... NO! I've always suffered from cripplingly low self-esteem, which prevented me from actively seeking relationships for years. But recently, I started dating a wonderful man - he lifts me up, I'm so happy and relaxed when I'm around him, we get along so well. Perfect, right?! WRONG. Now, I'm a perpetually anxious mess of a human, whose life revolves around when he last texted me, or why he hasn't replied to my last message 3 hours ago, or when he was last active on social media, or what he's doing when I'm not around. And worse, is he going to get up and leave me tomorrow morning because he's finally realized how effed up I am? The worst is the texting. Jesus, the number of hours I've lost because I'm obsessing over why he hasn't replied to my last snap. During these times, I seriously debate just ending it - so that I don't have to deal with the awful anxiety and dread. I, simply put, become an unpleasant human to be around. I've even taken sleeping pills to while away time faster. But then he eventually replies, and everything is fine! I'm on cloud 9! Of COURSE I wouldn't end things with him! Oh, silly me. I'm sure I'm not alone, but it would be wonderful to hear some reassurance/tips from y'all :( Does it ever get better as the relationship progresses, or will I just have more to lose?",3.7996095938375376,5.3262024448529415,5.079075630252103,81.71774509803923,72.34558823529412,8.269187675070029,27.290616246498605,8.841846274778883,2.083542507002801,1083,39,213,21,21,360,161,272,0.192,0.638,0.17,-0.8072,0,1,0,0,0,0,46.0,1,1,0,5,18,20,0,2,10,1,18,3,1,1,4,40,37,24,0,4,12,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,3,10,13,0,1,4,1,0,2,7,12,1,0,4,1,20,8,31,26,4,42,1,4,0,0,24,14,0,7,26,125,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945810614766144,0.0,0.0,0.11050662506744653,0.0,0.0,0.08878102269575681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162343826995076,0.1205380156654872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3799342494930067,0.0,0.0,0.1002459889140388,0.0,0.0,0.1300838389426425,0.11783921213256547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436543317773376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100006298929886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337186464145104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890049617041012,0.0,0.0,0.07047281576588407,0.09651416616482514,0.0,0.0,0.0958930008863203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688210042217725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723541252558036,0.0,0.06063875419249031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358167151207328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025604744615805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101514575457674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34789142159669423,0.0,0.11297744427012613,0.0,0.0,0.07536373153139747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936741918973938,0.11647312905469265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209527632062662,0.0,0.1072606452176759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535109349703993,0.34366015501684993,0.0,0.0911192414431106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130895711372683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677474247872196,0.10876485481928344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552117180593419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056130698577292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088520197295102,0.0,0.0,0.08470604498098308,0.12443255829269485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593403420724976,0.0,0.19255613294015747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23141817958353866,0.0,0.0,0.10873405817085376,0.15158995063030478,0.11665717070706433,0.0,0.068709812004353 bpd,oneofthegood1s,2020/02/20,"I have stability, but I think it's costing me my happiness, my ambitions, and my aspirations. Hey all, Thanks for taking the time to read. I'll be brief and if anyone wants clarification or specifics, just post a response and I can add to the original post with edits. Basically, I'm a man (living in the United States) who has been officially diagnosed and treated with BPD. I've been also clinically asymptomatic (or ""recovered""?) for a couple years. The so-called success, in my heart of hearts, I think is somewhat ill-gotten. While I **did** put in the time, effort, and emotional energy into DBT, 1-on-1 counseling, and stuck to a pharmacological plan of anti-depressants, I think what happened is I just kind of...emotionally shut-down. By this I mean, I tried to adopt a more laid-back approach, a more ""whatever, just go with it"" kind of attitude. I think it may have ended up being slightly more nihilistic though. Career-wise, I resigned myself from pursuing a career in mental health (even though I completed my master's degree in healthcare administration with the hope of doing the operational side of a mental health facility) and am working in a completely unrelated and unfulfilling field. In my personal life, I've definitely noticed I've become more reclusive. I might attribute that though to being in my 30s and a lot of my friends are now married, or have kids/families, etc. and it could be just the (unfortunate) natural rhythm of life. But on the other hand, on weekends, I just sit at home and play video games/watch TV & movies. I feel like I'm trying to mitigate the impulsiveness/erratic behaviors/erratic (and often untrue) perceptions of people around me/all the other symptoms of BPD by being...unemotional. I have a decent paying job with a lifestyle that's somewhat comfortable, but obviously most of all, I have stability and some financial security. But I just am getting frustrated with the job; it's in a field I do not care about at all; and I'm actually getting bored at work (this is a red flag for me, because when I'm bored at work, I somehow create chaos and conflict among myself and co-workers...because BPD). Maybe I'm splitting this too much? Maybe this is too black & white thinking? Any insight or constructive feedback is appreciated. Thanks all.",5.875230912044562,7.690521760191847,6.86092519532761,69.83197261545604,67.60911270983213,10.176808230834688,32.87607333488048,10.384295024167834,3.8375629148294266,1822,81,303,50,31,608,229,417,0.061,0.753,0.18600000000000005,0.9953,2,0,0,1,0,0,97.0,0,0,0,7,19,18,1,0,26,0,27,10,3,2,5,71,50,31,0,4,16,0,2,1,1,2,7,0,1,2,15,25,0,2,10,5,2,4,1,4,0,0,4,5,32,14,48,39,15,38,0,1,3,0,5,20,0,15,11,207,47,11,0.0,0.0,0.08769757772647699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186689359388877,0.0,0.1947424893399256,0.0,0.06111288501201938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283734611962127,0.0,0.0,0.08000100146101538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910245099553469,0.0,0.10956461443728184,0.0992514362109994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395543737182635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162576066002807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18844842978765586,0.0,0.0,0.07175177265920565,0.0994365221419299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740262362088697,0.09121347651130776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021773635013928,0.0795958049983976,0.0,0.10022585935121313,0.05935654229195396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847189469784849,0.0,0.045439636334251146,0.06420125839494091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694312977390745,0.0,0.09390397066261312,0.0,0.051073690452714635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946940774355526,0.0956654734939783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910495979867729,0.0,0.21298650346207795,0.0,0.0,0.0901442872467676,0.08925856367821144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783589717844108,0.0,0.0,0.1871660480507822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695194506726096,0.04390465166346712,0.0,0.07935452341619408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640201394570001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18056767988183414,0.09789189820296423,0.0,0.0,0.18113031934265775,0.09533506504402277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606284828075175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231458253400832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06230271056840955,0.07846871051749164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213617435094586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034151615674953,0.0,0.0,0.08989167722009732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340659438916324,0.06756906896257926,0.0,0.0,0.1654755780715941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879168710846977,0.2648826683794078,0.0,0.10480475809754544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202807384574865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05300609603508577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19627352046072014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057871632029820624 bpd,colombian-thicccass,2020/02/20,What is DBT? Hello I’m new here to this disorder. I want to know more about the terms everyone is using. Can someone help?,-1.032,0.625173800000006,1.4640000000000022,93.47200000000002,111.0,5.2,17.0,6.742157984588678,0.4493999999999998,95,3,20,2,5,32,22,25,0.114,0.728,0.159,-0.1243,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,7,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4791019213588413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3994483514292618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801986418672513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22973994995226546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40373878083229797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541979205533203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36104620750087696,0.0,0.0,0.246566635941234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,itssaraaxo,2020/02/20,"WHY AM I SO SELFISH Hello! First time poster here but long time lurker. I’m feeling a bit hopeless right now and looking to get some support/advice. My boyfriend (FP) of 4 years came home from work today and told me that his bosses are taking him to a work conference in Vancouver for a week in October. Instead of being a nice fucking girlfriend and being happy for him, I just decide to be a brat and have a panic attack instead. Why can’t I just feel happy for him?! I trust him 100% but I still feel sad that he’s going to be gone, in another country. He’s what keeps me going at work, knowing I’m going to see him at the end of the day. REDDIT, WHY AM I SUCH AN ASSHOLE",0.4466755319148916,2.6514342482269515,2.743328900709219,91.09031250000002,85.95035460992908,4.6597517730496465,20.869237588652478,5.985473137389443,0.2064641843971624,523,17,108,4,16,178,90,141,0.129,0.736,0.135,0.2274,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,4,9,10,2,1,9,0,9,1,0,1,0,17,27,7,0,0,4,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,1,5,0,0,5,1,6,0,1,3,5,15,4,17,20,2,22,0,2,2,1,11,6,1,1,11,70,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14767456367252751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846448013919515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192296861581038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16498596564628126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728431849166714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746111822506613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384914080320484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22923530763481995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854420398585295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970975384666628,0.07895495115259626,0.0,0.2576581611888588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217441278961509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158757922656907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343240810857292,0.0,0.0,0.0830526395682217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373811873669136,0.12690432811212918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17730897902629042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905726990272434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204245819673846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068613802370305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149133196778546,0.0,0.0,0.11362485530105265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17624078082666025,0.0,0.1432458832312743,0.14440344382536807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122086609017428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090920055968327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33005561130535105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731754360957416 bpd,CouldDoWithANap,2020/02/20,"Apologising I had a conversation today about saying sorry. I say it all the damn time. It's compulsive. I apologise for so many things, the littlest things, and then when I'm told not to apologise, I say sorry for apologising. I've done a few different types of therapy, and apologising has come up. I know exactly why I do it but I just don't know how to stop it. I grew up with an abusive sibling, as will as being bullied at school. Every day I was made to feel as though my existence was a problem that needed to be fixed with violence at home and with relentless mocking and exclusion at school. I was lonely and helpless and having that drummed into me gave me an intense fear of disapproval. My defence mechanism became having to apologise pre-emptively, before anything bad could happen. I grew up believing that my existence was something to be sincerely, unequivocally *sorry* for, and because every little screw up that I make is a byproduct of my existence, I need to apologise for everything I do. That's how BPD affects me. When I do something that I read as having hurt someone, I'm terrified of the repercussions. But because I read everything as having the *potential* to hurt someone, that fear is consistent and overwhelming and that defence kicks in. I'm often told that it's infuriating because when you apologise too much it becomes meaningless. A *real* apology requires corrective action, ensuring that the problem doesn't happen again. But what happens when you believe with every fibre of your being that the *problem* is the fact that you *exist*? That's not something that can be changed. I can't stop existing short of running off into the woods and living as a hermit - or you know, ending my life (hello darkness, my old friend...) In my mind, every apology is the opposite of meaningless. Every apology is deep and heartfelt and honest, and conveys more meaning than I could possibly put into words. But clearly, obviously, that's a problem. Because when I actually *do* fuck up and hurt someone, the sincere heartfelt apology blends in with all the other sincere heartfelt apologies and boils down to nothing. So what do we do? I once tried to make an effort to just stop apologising unless absolutely necessary. There was a meme going round at the time saying ""Instead of apologising, say thank you."" Makes sense right? Instead of saying ""Sorry to be a burden,"" say ""Thank you for helping me."" Instead of saying ""I'm sorry I keep unloading on you,"" say ""Thank you for listening and understanding."" It puts the other person to the forefront, makes them feel good and appreciated, is less snivelling. I wanted to make it work, but when I started doing that I became more confident. Not necessarily *because* of that; I was having therapy as well, and there had been other things going on. But I changed. people I was close to didn't like that change. I had negative thoughts about myself confirmed, and lost a lot of friends. I reverted back to feeling like a burden again, apologising for having the audacity to have been born. I want to break the cycle. I want to stop grovelling and I want to trust people. I don't really have a conclusion to this. It's just a series of thoughts. Maybe you might find it relatable. Maybe there's a middle ground. Maybe I'm being too dramatic and overthinking it. But, you know, I don't think I'm going to apologise for it.",4.618895894428153,7.05703347903226,5.802170087976545,73.5418914956012,72.2741935483871,8.960703812316718,31.43401759530792,9.527746774549641,3.478638709677419,2687,125,436,69,55,893,259,620,0.183,0.657,0.16,-0.9849,1,2,3,0,0,0,105.0,1,11,1,5,29,39,6,3,33,0,53,4,0,9,7,103,101,49,0,12,15,0,4,2,2,2,1,10,1,1,39,32,1,8,14,3,0,10,10,22,1,0,21,14,60,17,78,69,8,59,0,7,1,2,37,26,3,4,24,332,99,7,0.0,0.06712795031507697,0.05528796366159454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04662295973000292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04356487258387267,0.04730529113517473,0.17268448509770498,0.06257196539349895,0.048209978789063315,0.1276635451302403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135609428812066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980321805412686,0.04880402175038055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047021599182586,0.0,0.0,0.03653835391755341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059193333323910004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057978633109802676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050180291046261684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386751014071303,0.0,0.1018372988812509,0.0,0.0,0.12750722675705448,0.0859407418394065,0.040474970155264384,0.0,0.0,0.05178244556184208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754438072048018,0.05237744574195601,0.0,0.0,0.0965965223333878,0.04752026196708599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030181590320973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0379752403856494,0.0,0.056830464498621225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18195386571565275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050358347038729406,0.0,0.0,0.1245463542219121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04001772174106681,0.055358399825263915,0.0567840732163567,0.05002817775311365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061846582886892064,0.04816680095631865,0.0,0.053609161104606375,0.18909119061794355,0.05744016722085962,0.17075533183314864,0.061714859759187786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010293269751665,0.05720628542757606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041648588818718385,0.08401923045835917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054362842410062034,0.0,0.05945081281675103,0.060336660413489326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855610353728401,0.04946972685145727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387098909856785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21684809262259225,0.0,0.1139096105478802,0.0,0.0,0.11334241862700944,0.06448679206366055,0.03629520583731932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048383809761441465,0.0,0.4054952495836275,0.0,0.11467754534105888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401302326956314,0.13084938720046765,0.0,0.3171080814807313,0.040101321650057815,0.0,0.0,0.1894674016497699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15648335993677348,0.1295818668962218,0.0,0.11291894245965314,0.036302798592086585,0.05566411191585072,0.08995687631053832,0.06607299548605301,0.0,0.05370314720430429,0.10827423763434377,0.0,0.03846562178444991,0.0,0.0,0.058980766479849185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336684176418719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05094043790552363,0.0,0.05112311712116336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04124615353615522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Solarsox,2020/02/20,Hey all I was recently hospitalized and diagnosed with BPD and honestly don't know how to feel at this point. Just kind of waiting to be seen by a counselor. Any advice for moving forward or just some encouraging thoughts would be greatly appreciated!,7.526666666666667,9.012698555555557,7.828888888888893,65.65000000000002,63.444444444444436,11.333333333333336,39.444444444444436,11.20814326018867,4.985444444444445,205,11,33,6,3,67,41,45,0.0,0.7909999999999999,0.209,0.883,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,1,1,14,10,4,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,4,7,4,2,5,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,2,23,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294306366567007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048104705773756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.379321485990862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056879910612165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15228397904390265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320483535776687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136291664994145,0.16551882719169855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201031480113811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28470931204671424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29737563783933657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23910064261245784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139472726972076,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Accidents_Happen,2020/02/20,"I smothered my girlfriend, now I lost her I had no idea what smothering was, until she told me I was doing it. I thought smothering was just giving too much attention or too much affection, but it's more than that. Behaviors like… Texting her every day Always asking her what she’s doing Acting like the possessive boyfriend who wants to “check-in” with her all the time or Acting like the vigilant father that keeps an eye on her and what she’s doing Trying to solve all her problems Needing validation (validation dependence) Never hanging out with anyone else but her I had no idea I was doing these things until I read about it. Now she broke up with me. All I want is to have her back. Our relationship was so healthy, the healthiest I ever had. We were extremely similar people with similar passions and interests. But the other day she left in a bad mood and texted me it was over. Completely blindsided me. The only thing I can do is give her space and hope she comes back.",4.424135472370769,6.320023427807487,5.2367058823529415,79.7225098039216,71.40641711229947,8.836934046345812,27.439928698752226,9.3871,2.5309239928698752,779,28,142,18,15,253,110,187,0.122,0.726,0.152,0.804,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,0,0,1,10,13,3,0,8,0,19,2,1,2,5,34,31,12,0,5,6,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,14,11,0,1,4,1,0,4,3,7,0,0,13,1,33,5,16,18,6,22,0,2,1,1,25,7,0,4,13,117,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171348209170766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106830078589265,0.1621911475002604,0.0,0.0,0.14798373919765126,0.0,0.0,0.2434369876808524,0.1321690721480009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635646493341946,0.165968491058508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20417336916070414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223451934647285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318619577418268,0.13336971802020775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037005034011048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572218897702154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573898416099816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406991869893987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198714672839152,0.0,0.0,0.2320036986854968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279685378802945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327289488490443,0.1173731676287396,0.1220862706015705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038989679568073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974128968381804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146620235934158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583370691254789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16994876569723166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103273086327624,0.0,0.0,0.12566793893437914,0.09230263991481112,0.0,0.0,0.1512569226640118,0.0,0.10747139313273137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18673207913185405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bobo_the_zebra__,2020/02/20,"I call crisis hotlines too often **Context**: I used to call all the time (at least once a day) and then was able to stop for a while. When I got really stressed at university, I started to call regularly again, but then managed to curb it. I called for the first time in a while today though, but I don't want it to develop into an unhealthy pattern. I know that I shouldn't call all the time, but I also feel so alone all the time and having someone to talk to makes me feel a lot better. Being lonely is honestly suffocating (I'm not sure if other ppl feel like that). I think that they've gotten really tired of me and that they don't want to talk to me anymore. I'm scared because I don't know how to cope otherwise. Are there alternatives to how I'm coping now? What should I do?",2.5359544159544143,3.965087790123458,4.202098765432098,87.13098290598292,75.41975308641976,7.206837606837608,22.95536562203229,7.882392219407189,0.9801741690408354,610,17,132,9,13,205,93,162,0.18600000000000005,0.747,0.067,-0.95,0,3,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,2,11,7,0,2,9,0,11,1,0,4,4,31,27,17,0,5,5,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,2,6,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,3,3,16,4,18,21,5,20,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,3,17,91,24,1,0.12934163052655026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395892183068375,0.0,0.10343445520223822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827214234944442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884545746337379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439216136461768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6603613301441852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341465152350395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19619704402615634,0.09240168669184727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001792485168108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103446317514894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216555512306073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631897873771593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996162897319507,0.0,0.0,0.08633654273069327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774461525660905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657191209940834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949353598695612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959074381569044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154867180441112,0.0,0.0,0.1081353946550308,0.14816040076840986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190295607595122,0.0,0.0,0.2079198064867093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287689425527406,0.1270774952890083,0.0,0.3016805795914851,0.14865917736778322,0.1226007422192716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170964067220952,0.0,0.0,0.15257808962130615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RandomGuy9292,2020/02/20,"Looking for some answers/support If you told me a few years ago that you have BPD I would have laugh my ass off, called you a pussy and probably cut ties with you. After I have been diagnosed from a shrink and taking pills I would have supported the hell out of you. Ive talk with a lot of girl and rejection was a big part of my life, maybe 9 out of 10 was a rejection and pretty much I was meh, ok. Short story is that I liked a girl from work, we spoke a few times, couldn't find any info if she is single or not, and I started to like her very much. Ive asked her out and she politely said no, and it hit me. Also, I was a big gambler, I am 13k euro in debt now, and I was just debt free 2 month ago. But this is a different story. Its like a psychical pain in the chest(the heart health its fine, did a lot of checkups) and cant seem to do anything, just sitting in bed doing nothing and feeling bad about myself. If you felt close to this how did you cope? What did you do to feel yourself better?",2.157122093023254,3.0554229302325595,3.5910901162790734,93.24989098837212,75.51162790697674,6.863372093023256,22.73982558139535,7.1686216300943375,0.4997500000000006,770,20,184,8,16,254,130,215,0.136,0.731,0.133,-0.1974,3,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,1,8,0,2,6,15,2,0,14,1,26,8,2,1,0,38,39,17,0,6,8,0,3,3,0,2,6,2,1,2,8,17,0,0,6,0,4,0,4,6,0,0,13,6,29,10,23,22,9,20,1,2,1,1,21,11,2,8,11,129,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26052421822780275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175156819926656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993088613666626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092714390985153,0.0,0.13737820288299493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269692404618905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996513425912265,0.0,0.0,0.18507809741798995,0.0,0.15005215026607202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915092837767807,0.0,0.15353123823149067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860444319447555,0.0,0.1410948288220402,0.0,0.13430943214939772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620073916586655,0.0,0.17413619093526322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379497191835783,0.2153767120659921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340080077093313,0.0,0.0,0.2498628874980501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476308004006415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729390843899427,0.0,0.2160499857962611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410022723898344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15636492135165672,0.0,0.0,0.15913228619652084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495007505939276,0.158436711731006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978288720468704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377755613139225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104011807106084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335137265200338,0.0,0.0,0.11048794269051547,0.118112662803197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856875955534323,0.0,0.0,0.14041680742666282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212489542176124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698118637853712,0.0,0.0,0.20877780795955728,0.0,0.0,0.09463083717578788 bpd,ace-of-spad3s,2020/02/20,"Wanting to abandon my therapist before they abandon me My second round of 8 sessions will be up next week. They did me a huge favour to give me the second round and I am so lucky to have had access to a free service. In today’s session I could tell that they’re wrapping up. I did final questionnaires that look good because I’ve completely altered my life so I can be emotionally stable enough to work on myself. I was told about private DBT groups nearly 2 hours away that would be out of pocket (they know I’m flat broke). I don’t even want to go to my final session next week because I’ll likely end up a blubbering mess, asking for more. It’s not fair to them or someone else who might need the service more. I want a clean break so I can move on easier. Should I go anyway and get some kind of awkward closure? What has worked for you?",1.811614227086185,3.9738314883720953,3.105882352941176,90.81558823529413,80.04651162790698,5.442407660738714,22.326949384404926,6.522977012572876,0.4896357045143636,664,21,136,6,17,215,114,172,0.07200000000000001,0.779,0.15,0.9106,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,4,2,6,11,0,1,6,0,18,1,0,0,0,18,31,6,0,7,2,0,2,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,6,3,0,2,1,0,1,3,2,5,0,2,5,3,22,7,23,18,4,23,0,3,3,0,11,10,0,4,10,90,28,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441786995539074,0.0,0.14489860339799354,0.0,0.0,0.18802713995471146,0.0,0.13123333610219842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170101754071498,0.0,0.0,0.1231353815196778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883443234290887,0.17348133618683892,0.13659676203952434,0.15935470517531505,0.0,0.10186355277274003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378898905954276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057571837753053,0.1479457941515959,0.1752982017429245,0.12935584430926647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187965638478534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060065054926936,0.08475752310233083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893303127694057,0.07534609714448594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950938799379408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636073809932963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16391579388899993,0.0,0.11435520390947827,0.0,0.0,0.3280381253330541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067356565687954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479864686983034,0.0,0.0,0.1790660480150119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618639841441078,0.14736772111897886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27289608115256386,0.0,0.24741851460802375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22455393949109456,0.0,0.0,0.10955636416703488,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hhotguac,2020/02/20,"Help me Check the Facts (Work Edition) I set out to go to my local library today to check investment books out. I stopped into my work on my day off to go to the bathroom. I’m struggling with feeling lonely, so I thought I’d go in and hang out with my favorite coworkers while it’s really slow. I talked with my coworkers for a bit, and my manager came out and asked me to leave because she felt I was distracting from their working. I really hate myself right now, and I think they hate me and want to fire me. I sent an email to apologize to my managers, but they haven’t responded. Should I be worried?",3.5540650406504066,4.693211073170737,4.705853658536586,85.6657723577236,72.41463414634146,8.393495934959349,29.11382113821137,8.841846274778883,2.197465040650408,474,19,99,9,9,156,78,123,0.14400000000000002,0.7929999999999999,0.062,-0.8335,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,3,3,2,5,2,2,4,0,4,0,0,0,1,23,18,8,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,14,0,1,4,1,3,6,1,5,0,0,5,3,25,0,22,11,1,23,0,1,0,0,11,10,0,0,6,65,26,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812189202368839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816612087377787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21162854905242368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22170705425900808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250139971494137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098013863090939,0.0,0.18612161167893035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304997645728101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827636374577038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993022630499934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052538800230312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483641583483705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554258216566184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620631108834114,0.0,0.2026488961151928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580527893299442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420805737301092,0.0,0.15389128782363076,0.0,0.0,0.18374240685999085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433481116687465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4233644349902712,0.19685902041780573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WorstThingIsMe,2020/02/20,"Cycle Do you know the feeling when your FP leaves your life, and all of a sudden you have to crawl back into the alienating and uncomfortable embrace of humanity from your isolation chamber so you can find another person to start the loop? You can almost imagine yourself with like...scraggly hair, eye bags, or something. Maybe that's not how you literally physically look like, but it's how you feel at least. Like you just walked out of an explosion and everyone else's fine. You have zero friends. Your FP was the only friend you had in the world. Even if other people ever did approach you, you weren't interested in them. Why would you be? Where could you pull out the resources for something like that? No. All you can have is the one. All you can ever feel for is that one single person in the whole world. No one else matters in literally any way. Every other person feels like...nothing. No matter how much you're able to relate to someone, have fun with them, they feel so disposable. You use them to have fun and throw them away as soon as you get bored. Maybe they really did want to be your friend, but it didn't matter, because the space in your heart and mind has already been taken up by your FP. Every other person is someone to talk shit about. Every other person is someone who can take care of themselves. Best you can manage is super shallow, interest-based relationships with people who feel just as little about you as you do about them. Why spend time with anybody else, when you can spend it all with your FP? Why tell the same jokes, the same stories, share the same emotional closeness with multiple people and have to manage all that, when you can just do it all with your one dear FP? You can reach one-ness that you could never have if you tried to manage multiple relationships. No matter how many ""friends"" you have at your hand, they can't give you the response only your FP can give, they can't make you feel what only your FP can, they can't... But then the end comes again, or maybe the start, or maybe, I don't know, whatever it is. Your FP is no longer there. You know how painful it is. They're gone. The one person who was everything to you is out of the picture. And at a moment's notice, you feel open again. You take the opportunity to go seek help for your pain, because now you can't get the help you need from your FP anymore. After isolating yourself with your FP for ages, after never speaking to anyone else on a personal level, you just emerge. You just feel like a little baby again, looking for a caregiver. You find another FP. And you tell yourself, for the 100th time, that this time it's all going to be different. This time they won't leave you. This time you'll be better. &#x200B; &#x200B; I really want to die. &#x200B; I don't ever want a different FP. I don't ever want to be alone again. I just want everyone else to leave me the fuck alone. I want to kill myself just so I don't have to live without you. I want everyone else to stop existing.",3.921457409050575,5.553945042517011,4.406101745045845,86.24024401064777,72.21428571428572,7.289914226560191,24.177166518781423,7.893859768569023,1.1794120378586217,2367,67,470,32,46,748,225,588,0.09300000000000001,0.748,0.159,0.9875,2,3,2,0,0,2,95.0,0,57,11,4,35,26,3,0,28,0,59,9,5,7,13,96,98,32,2,13,17,0,11,4,4,3,3,1,0,8,24,23,0,1,15,1,2,8,20,6,0,6,10,15,78,20,66,78,15,64,0,0,3,1,94,24,2,6,35,332,102,3,0.05316826865903914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053240340921532035,0.1101325832398099,0.058672506578003575,0.0,0.0,0.1728233906358027,0.19381579793321968,0.036156245905766236,0.11150313103149337,0.0,0.0,0.05272863576979428,0.03717648967022151,0.05447717437648685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04995333859754599,0.04088311671743732,0.0,0.06482176616904459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579681773615879,0.047023012955397035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0542085933772445,0.0,0.0,0.04579975560951796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490107236569329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05518026868102261,0.1110990489191262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664915963684329,0.05980714598810185,0.047091304853689585,0.0,0.0,0.035117140007411125,0.1923749717717093,0.1343896784215934,0.1524136775394279,0.04778421156099046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419512674556253,0.07596684350707994,0.0,0.0,0.09718966865992117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16431068990552294,0.04915320763321452,0.05555645186997056,0.1020076960857698,0.06043350468432801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300465435619404,0.07127513948630176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058822811736859014,0.0,0.08765966995397595,0.0,0.0,0.16889255885391266,0.0,0.0,0.037554320526387006,0.15585198260292754,0.10657714600341653,0.046948555313769035,0.0,0.08929590980591241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03549023218828092,0.05390427933051855,0.21365868867611976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05368479477597321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03908479508379309,0.03942359751799157,0.0820132930192881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051016387734483484,0.06053242626522801,0.0,0.0,0.21616916909383846,0.1213105925074306,0.11314957298976484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058054893648832,0.3249713697814421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812190870861633,0.0,0.0,0.11416564574144755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054576463729952784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514790449175196,0.08186306156063017,0.0,0.0,0.07526554842488974,0.0,0.0,0.04445105331643175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995184231784208,0.04273464036991384,0.09294282058860633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550142251148808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036097764362672015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045920313226958775,0.0,0.0,0.2195201567820937,0.04220249688234668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392827800883776,0.05936047320947981,0.0,0.0512523136732221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037769212583229975,0.0,0.19381579793321968,0.0 bpd,1YellowWall,2020/02/20,"Just found out about the concept of an FP and realized that my ex of six years whose life I effectively ruined fits the bill for me. What do I do now? Will I ever forget him? I dated my ex for 6 years. He was from a stable family and very caring and supportive of me even though neither of us knew what was wrong with me or why I'd lash out or spend hours in bed sobbing. We broke up due to my behaviors, despite the fact that neither of us wanted to. I just knew it wasn't good for him anymore. A few months later he stayed dating one of my best friends behind my back. I was devastated and furious. I wanted to stalk them and do terrible things. Eventually that settled. He and I talked when I found some of his things in my (our) old apartment when I was moving out a year later. We made amends. Now I live with a new guy who is great but doesn't know how to be there for me when I'm having an episode. I tend to immediately decide that we shouldn't be together and want to break up and always think of my ex. I feel like I could never love anyone like I loved him. We were meant to be together in my mind, and it's only made worse by the fact that I declined his marriage proposal because I thought I had already ruined everything, and he still stayed with me for almost four years after that. I don't even know if I'm idealizing him. He was just so perfect to me and I ruined it, 100%. I just need to know if I'll ever stop wishing I could take it all back. I don't know how to stop this. Does anyone have any advice? I need this to stop before I ruin another perfectly good relationship.",2.526729036729037,3.801675912912916,4.217012012012013,87.64059771309775,75.15615615615616,7.285239085239086,23.017902517902517,7.882392219407189,0.955845553245553,1241,34,273,18,26,418,171,333,0.146,0.726,0.128,-0.6386,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,7,0,1,5,22,23,1,0,10,0,24,3,0,5,8,74,52,23,0,12,9,3,1,2,1,2,1,0,1,1,18,21,0,3,15,0,2,1,8,9,0,3,16,1,53,14,40,29,6,42,0,6,0,2,31,10,1,6,30,192,71,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860502760380087,0.0,0.0,0.1010436564815933,0.0,0.11135324261577284,0.0,0.0839626011021877,0.0,0.0,0.06862013329987388,0.1058096536719556,0.0,0.0,0.10007250267834744,0.1411128624050617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518231213365222,0.0,0.06151189267334456,0.0,0.08586431604956304,0.0,0.10589553685255147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288128123810383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113185307512765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830428380988124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332960747473275,0.182552085757732,0.0,0.0,0.09068859016753196,0.0,0.09512601857276456,0.0,0.05102154646668798,0.07208788961957928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22127835392932205,0.07796039910571212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692717937152687,0.0,0.11125018276785432,0.0,0.09991366797529333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937294291723628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22182311194372692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127350796383107,0.0985960014500743,0.0,0.08910261679997995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214478354890076,0.19096104449156512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018871755465118,0.0,0.08054290263512216,0.10724803582711293,0.0,0.14964233421223194,0.07782560050637949,0.0974564859041656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588478794889976,0.0,0.06837710805302613,0.07674422330093172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083362173365864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21510659923121367,0.08058435843841409,0.2530879902611979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450792270491658,0.0,0.0,0.07586940983474527,0.08110512154244384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407608420323702,0.06465704922694739,0.0991404895462249,0.08010878507285056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427570856999816,0.0,0.0,0.08325873733876639,0.1785524627867661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910527570471824,0.0,0.11603792305600046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283272342680284,0.0,0.11032582405986624,0.0,0.2599228691878326 bpd,severequeer24,2020/02/20,"Medication for BPD? I’ve tried a lot of medication and lately I’ve been feeling a lot more depressed - not sad but I haven’t been taking care of my hygiene/eating and I have no energy to do anything when I’m done work, and then I hate myself for not being productive. My worst trait is my anger. It’s explosive and extremely hard to control. I’m currently on 150mg of Wellbutrin and I don’t know if it’s right for me? If I don’t take it I’m clearly worse, but if I have caffeine with it it makes me feel really disconnected/out of it. I also take 25mg Seroquel immediate release for sleep. I’ve tried Citaopram, Zoloft, Effexor, Prozac, Lamictal. Prozac did help at one point but I don’t know if it’s worth going back on it because of sexual side effects. I’m thinking about upping my dose of Wellbutrin or going on Seroquel extended release, but I’m wondering what other medications work well for BPD?",1.9665615962984369,4.3390561593406645,4.095240023134759,82.76291787160211,80.81318681318682,7.348062463851937,26.062463851937537,8.371475516178862,2.0681934065934064,719,30,139,16,19,246,102,182,0.147,0.735,0.11800000000000001,-0.8544,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,4,5,7,2,0,2,0,13,8,1,3,1,29,32,17,0,4,11,0,3,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,10,6,0,1,7,0,1,2,7,5,1,1,4,3,15,2,20,27,4,15,0,2,0,0,1,8,0,8,5,87,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520811269661503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855258623709022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077650032981054,0.0,0.08782021746328078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628877090010448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146883083881216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16158028399557928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408231021532724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474277253409812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568640668600627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637500437617005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905325299776685,0.14223360143334973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656321663759054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583478664258484,0.0,0.1625107264567509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449565131517818,0.0,0.0,0.09616399221425584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4353886662530601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762165067193823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361872630415466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229123472512477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303006528199872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416827148223585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249551158772282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231054153703754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956203111159288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953104420488815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562315120861706,0.20976095049995652,0.0,0.1468137581400843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,OOOOOOOO0OOOOOOOOO,2020/02/20,"Jealous over sexy video game characters My boyfriend of almost 2 years plays video games every day and frequently creates female characters that look like super models, have boobs bigger than their heads, super sexy skimpy outfits etc Also they usually have short red hair ( I have long black hair) Seeing this gives me anxiety and makes me want to cry because I don’t look like these characters that he creates. For our entire relationship I have tried to express to him how this makes me feel - but he says it is his right to play these characters and I am just wanting to control him. If it were the other way round I would stop playing sexy men if my BF didn’t like it. My BF says I’m being too insecure and says I have issues. I can’t tell if this is BPD or whether my BF is just a sleazy inconsiderate jerk.",5.068780207134637,6.25415402531646,5.1725776754890695,83.56097238204836,68.87341772151899,8.2771001150748,27.65477560414269,8.575989854853784,1.867422784810126,648,21,126,10,11,203,103,158,0.10800000000000001,0.711,0.18100000000000002,0.8276,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,2,3,5,11,2,1,2,0,15,4,4,4,0,22,25,12,0,6,8,0,4,3,3,1,0,3,0,1,11,4,0,2,1,7,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,12,20,8,9,21,1,11,0,0,6,1,21,4,1,5,9,73,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17133152667918544,0.0,0.0,0.1368282823658581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308907199998974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430072354487843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21549394722335896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19190274196681853,0.0,0.0,0.1879448682260139,0.11034508249491584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908212738561267,0.0,0.0,0.14415878620957692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865130949735877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641343199619991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559754421587345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785835215788527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25077185507407385,0.0,0.0,0.1514177552389256,0.28736113045937217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284206133081976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18369693019082933,0.0,0.1461181171869842,0.0,0.4081957903519218,0.0,0.0,0.13634422294355728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430469207255213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495485854305957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161653920863758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884420284532892,0.0,0.20183794547694892,0.13581089255575626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154424147833352,0.0,0.0,0.11018252789797336 bpd,xcaitlin___,2020/02/20,Manipulation with BPD I’ve heard that people with BPD can be manipulative. What does it actually mean to be manipulative? How does it extend anymore than if they didn’t have BPD?,3.3904545454545456,6.4485679696969695,5.8638636363636385,67.71579545454549,81.42424242424244,8.148484848484847,23.40151515151515,8.841846274778883,2.2386424242424248,145,5,26,4,4,51,26,33,0.077,0.872,0.051,-0.2168,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,4,0,8,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.2132411685326264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167102463134688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8256439152501938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824515742647525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380291828331161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514922435576759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kleines_Himbeerchen,2020/02/20,"I feel like people always kept me at distance - even as child So how do i explain this (especially because english is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes in advance)... Welp lets jump into it.... Even at my early childhood days it felt this way: if I did not do most of the ""work"" in friendships, no one will engage with me. Like i had to literally chase people for attention and affection. I don't know if this is a *result* of my mental problems already back then, or if this is a *cause* to developing them. Let me give one example: I text (old school sms) a friend some casual stuff ""how its going, wanna do something next week"" - he answers ""yes"" - and then: nothing happens. I have to either keep spamming him with requests, or be physically with him and ask to do something *right now*. I barely got rejection straight at my face - but i somehow always just got forgotten when things were planned in advance. Also no one visited me at home unless i invited them, and then half of the people would pass or not show up. No one ever invited ME unless i was ""accidentally"" in class when a ""friend"" invited other people to his birthday party or whatever. One could say: I had to 100% invest all the time and effort for friendships, otherwise they would just die out. It was just... weird. Barely anyone would openly reject me, but no one would actively seek my companionship. Like ""lets play the friend when he is around, but when he is gone lets just forget about his existence completely"". This is even true for almost all family members. Like what is this even? I can understand if a romantic interest gets turned off my my clingy behavior or sometimes even obsession. But just basic, casual stuff towards friends, including just casual friends? Iam not talking about not getting an answer within 10 minutes. Hey i was a 90s kid, we didn't even had this whole chatting stuff with ""marked as read""-checkboxes back then. Iam very sure i wasn't clingy at all within friendships, especially since, again, there weren't even as many technical ways to be clingy back then. I also never called too frequently or did anything else one could have seen as ""forcing myself onto others"". No, all i was expecting was like 50/50 investment in friendships. Which, oh who would have though, was the case with almost all other friendships i've seen. It really felt like people would intentionally keep me at distance and only engaged with me when they felt they *had to*. When it comes to romantic relationships i know my issues and flaws, especially my early day out-of-this-world expectations. But friendships? Is expecting 50/50 effort investment really such a high standard? The biggest irony... and i mean next level bad joke irony... happens when nowadays old friends or family members ask me stuff like ""Why did you play so many video games as child instead of going out?"". Like what the f was i supposed to do? I was as the only kid in the neighborhood. All ""friends"" kept me on some magical distance that somehow only applied to me. Am i the only one who experienced this? Was i the problem even way back then? Bad luck in finding genuine friends that may could have mentally stabilize me? Or was this always just a classic case of being overly sensitive? (This whole topic just came back into my mind since it just happened again with a cousin some weeks ago.)",4.918091034129802,7.1274412153344215,5.267304481335764,78.70687617950935,70.77814029363785,8.200991587499601,28.98535009436075,8.897581704614359,2.560078105108275,2647,104,453,52,51,840,280,613,0.07,0.7509999999999999,0.179,0.9972,0,0,2,0,0,0,120.0,1,1,5,7,50,37,0,1,21,1,59,1,1,6,10,120,90,54,1,20,34,1,4,8,8,8,0,1,1,4,32,24,0,4,13,10,3,10,15,9,0,10,32,8,57,28,64,40,13,83,0,2,2,0,43,32,0,22,46,345,89,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04841036770946778,0.0,0.10937234060374557,0.0,0.06026585538757901,0.08734661853078664,0.1363250280941351,0.0,0.0,0.0371381284727924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038186078641531083,0.0,0.04494113862084625,0.04861638375650082,0.10210995909818137,0.0,0.0,0.209966826337218,0.09119771283148624,0.03329105413893865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055765101758218416,0.062461740232678864,0.0,0.056101712206153884,0.0,0.04704352360811629,0.057259790587316464,0.0,0.0,0.13081005179075186,0.0,0.0,0.07044062573014198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667878000332431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04562143595993931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885664315020668,0.04939980795592047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029669319767136,0.0,0.0276135392987336,0.03901492429816269,0.15730865848042172,0.0,0.0499145073070852,0.04645305906421303,0.0,0.0,0.3375456360745284,0.0,0.057065179068007774,0.05238894176569788,0.062074676305643166,0.0,0.08735663582044521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488000724510502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05770072516775344,0.0547804300222503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057000886313562274,0.0,0.0970835600352427,0.0,0.0,0.0600268087035025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233784562070764,0.0,0.21344586742522195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073627810960426,0.0,0.059488631426779875,0.0,0.0,0.11007238602370904,0.0,0.05514269403471506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04212024971515832,0.0,0.11616126259995267,0.0,0.0,0.05240182199333025,0.0,0.1146125100333446,0.0,0.29605279982467875,0.16613997597698685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18930591059788185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045128864260696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05462691961896709,0.0,0.06997187163806055,0.0,0.0,0.058633001193979024,0.0,0.046638469845883775,0.0,0.04342976633345374,0.0,0.055270402090693116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035145442890903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408618818830234,0.0540128036781153,0.0611338204616177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500713414943155,0.0,0.0,0.05147129639404212,0.0,0.0,0.04389517010236205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0362818796817894,0.0,0.05365615105311956,0.0,0.03184477847855704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059402326917293226,0.0,0.0568531645713797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04506073560447698,0.0,0.13004572613877927,0.08761313038931974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049278962695142835,0.12194500977812135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039758288928452436,0.0,0.0,0.2327693875444908,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,moonheart29,2020/02/20,"My boyfriend doesn’t know he has BPD We know that he’s been struggling with depression & anxiety for years but never has he been given a proper diagnosis by the psychiatrists he’s seen. One said he was bipolar and another disagreed. He’s also not very fond of psychiatrists so it’s difficult to get him to even go get evaluated. I’ve researched bipolar disorder over & over and his highs/lows just never really fit the description. Then I came across BPD and it all finally made sense. Even as I am on this subreddit reading these posts, it’s all familiar and everything he’s been saying for years. I’m no professional but I am almost 99% certain that it’s BPD. I’m almost relieved because I can finally show him that he’s not alone in feeling all this pain & suffering. And not understanding why. However, I honestly don’t know what I’m supposed to do with this information and how I can approach him. I’m afraid this type of revelation may send him into another spiral. He doesn’t take any type of criticism well and this would seem over the top for him. For those here with BPD, what was your reaction to learning you had this disorder? Was it helpful to know or do you wish you never found out? What mood/situation do you think would be ideal to reveal this type of information? I feel that it’s challenging to bring up issues when he’s having a good day but I don’t know how receptive he would be if I were to tell him while he’s already upset.",3.671666666666667,5.579651722222224,5.1101388888888915,79.79875000000001,73.44444444444444,9.105555555555558,27.972222222222207,9.621722640351123,2.719768055555555,1168,46,226,31,24,391,153,288,0.15,0.741,0.109,-0.9142,1,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,5,0,3,10,15,0,3,5,0,28,3,0,3,7,56,54,20,0,6,9,0,2,0,0,4,3,2,0,0,22,14,0,0,15,2,0,5,11,7,1,1,14,5,23,8,30,34,3,28,0,2,1,0,32,11,0,6,11,143,45,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19686847186358655,0.1018101734019978,0.10847758025668756,0.07861126139243797,0.0,0.3195272252942506,0.0,0.06684804000676027,0.20615430549673205,0.07519998370105838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05992336745179186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4952265926533534,0.0,0.0,0.11243013801906952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339600244475788,0.0,0.0846664934803785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22532288813176066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985374567131353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834658593831388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940786225252657,0.0,0.0,0.21536784612340976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778195512573104,0.0,0.0,0.10271641383667973,0.0,0.055866714556258884,0.0824502015235458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588907748173951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260068790222758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701182500775173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301476788247756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22744733678082898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661129081023894,0.0,0.10459917771442848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414516977360468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983275856458423,0.0,0.06297412749320037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350674648616804,0.0781728879921847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948952391003248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276553191233193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391010626223404,0.0,0.08591939281032261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629873013296812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233479111805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110860671476472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838439009273938,0.0,0.08870134832319045,0.0,0.11304128030254268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094905959292305,0.0,0.0,0.1266052215477996 bpd,liveliestsoul,2020/02/20,"Does anyone else get really angry when someone scares them? Like when someone sneaks up to you and scares you? It absolutely sets me off, I think it has to do with the embarrassment of jumping and the fact that they succeeded in scaring me lol",6.202971014492757,7.1950461086956565,6.294347826086959,77.24557971014494,66.17391304347827,9.611594202898553,30.55072463768116,9.725611199111238,2.7859072463768118,195,7,36,4,3,62,37,46,0.244,0.62,0.136,-0.7545,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,2,1,2,6,0,4,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,2,7,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,25,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17357438186712565,0.2543500462831617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21723549812946852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073717131568664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296945580069798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127696734789642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902816942367318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7455912096325713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4206639588779911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906143723036187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kristophales,2020/02/21,"I Just Got Diagnosed. I've always described my life / brain as a trash can on fire being dumped off of I-10 while going 90 miles an hour. Saying that after being diagnosed with BPD hits differently. Not in the good way. But I'm breathing. Focusing on thinking about things like music. I don't wanna break down right now, I wanna be emotionally strong for my best friend. She needs me right now. I've cried every day this week, goddamit, I will not cry on Friday!",2.283370786516855,4.9227124494382055,3.26077528089888,87.53633146067419,81.80898876404495,5.807191011235956,19.0123595505618,7.1686216300943375,0.476563146067416,364,9,69,5,10,116,73,89,0.10400000000000001,0.731,0.165,0.787,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,1,0,3,0,6,5,2,0,0,9,12,3,0,3,4,0,1,1,1,1,3,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,2,8,5,14,6,1,19,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,8,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593938945013418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010311949327967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412640661241245,0.21384515650366856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208409906601374,0.12354084011432298,0.0,0.0,0.38886026978456384,0.0,0.20014021826226408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154800669880647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139819877349573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799936480308262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886839208389236,0.16067207349059506,0.1532086358824145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864875756243235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353050270000679,0.0935869092136654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203987322480388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271836776964637,0.0,0.1523368017586405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726445429337085,0.12274439748126845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205201159541692,0.1536584835973527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Live-Love-Lie,2020/02/21,"Anybody needing a chat? Drop me a message if you want to talk, stay safe everyone.",1.41,4.020190000000003,3.017500000000002,87.67750000000002,86.5,5.7,33.0,7.1686216300943375,2.461975,64,4,12,1,2,21,15,16,0.121,0.636,0.243,0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5041150380732431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39118592277176667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5623186376872265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42404018861533854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111740194204269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Muhcha,2020/02/21,"do mood stabilizers help with severe self-hatred? i just got prescribed lamotrigine and i'm really hoping it makes me hate myself less. i've taken it for a week an noticed nothing yet my depressive episodes are just non-stop self-hate cycles that make me bedridden really hoping it works because i'm worried there's no hope",5.131475409836064,7.317624114754096,5.804065573770496,75.17986885245901,70.14754098360655,8.158688524590165,28.593442622950818,8.841846274778883,2.5720531147540977,265,10,43,5,5,86,49,61,0.158,0.635,0.20600000000000002,0.5057,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,9,12,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,3,2,10,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,22,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190262518783642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817371598418185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616406880683914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927748866808636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087598821417826,0.0,0.0,0.5817998267357773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26066980678358864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18735340843917714,0.22230026243543596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501720006592103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4073892060205325,0.2205837147817348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632427680079728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566225941967664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421487013448361,0.1982919569121391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,4n0n1m1ty,2020/02/21,"How do you deal with being left on read or constantly needing the last word in a conversation? How do you walk away? The whole situation of being left on read or needing to walk away from a conversation without having the last word is so difficult for me. It agitates me so much, and I know it’s ridiculous, but I wanna know how - how do you deal with it? I just wanna be able to shrug that stuff off or leave a conversation without having the last word only for the sake of having the last word. I just can’t help myself. Anyone relate/can help me? Thanks in advance 💖",2.219976076555021,4.399488254385968,3.8746251993620433,85.74222488038279,78.73684210526315,6.601594896331737,21.767145135566192,7.686295010490155,0.9434140350877196,447,13,90,7,11,149,62,114,0.06,0.836,0.10400000000000001,0.8418,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,1,8,3,1,0,9,0,11,0,0,4,0,25,16,11,0,4,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,2,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,11,1,20,13,2,17,0,0,0,0,10,9,0,3,5,71,16,2,0.1480487769982788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351914718271936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781933989152112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998813264354472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305263576570485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19846794897532785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627274720564936,0.4827180522425645,0.0,0.1567622782853246,0.3217108587870101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883288580434433,0.2195525844499639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259776624058708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29617768219982377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664130283466602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16948042930346416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363034228795193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652911723919467,0.0,0.2854274757868266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,borderjoe,2020/02/21,"Seeking advice My dBPDw recently moved out with our three boys and I’m struggling mightily. Is it better to be honest and upfront about how destabilized and how I’ve fallen to pieces, or is it better to play it cool, and at least appear super stabile? Currently we’re in contact and she is VERY AWARE of just how needy I am right now. And please no “just run..., etc” answers. I want desperately to work this out.",4.312166666666666,5.793546550000002,4.949999999999998,83.32166666666669,71.0,7.833333333333335,27.083333333333336,8.344100000000001,1.8128333333333333,324,11,62,5,6,104,60,80,0.13,0.647,0.222,0.8316,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,4,7,7,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,3,0,18,8,10,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,9,0,0,1,1,0,4,1,1,0,1,0,1,5,6,11,7,3,12,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,3,43,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281879956483627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.510239188336678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32170935980849713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065875281062824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166426626496302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848196348289261,0.0,0.0,0.2463434238055129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301561219151862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380098644891871,0.1701412921952538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21000245187392672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,babyoleander,2020/02/21,"Can't distinguish between being hungry and depressed I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else experiences this... but when my mood seriously plummets and/or I get that weird limbo of emotion where it feels like I'm feeling everything and nothing at once and I feel uncomfortable in my own skin I start to get really really hungry. I legitimately eat more than I thought was even possible, like 3 cheeseburgers in one sitting or an entire pizza to myself kind of deal. I'll feel full for all of 30 minutes and then feel ravenously hungry again and this continues all day until I go to sleep. Is this something outside of BPD or do you think there's an emotional response/psychological reason behind it? Idk. Just doesn't seem to happen other than when I feel like life has crashed down on to me and I lose all energy/will to live and function. By the next day I can be completely fine again, or if I split/have a panic attack in the same day I can instantly flip-flop to nitpicking my diet and wanting to starve myself because I feel like I'm gaining too much weight. It's an exhausting cycle.",6.361637362637364,6.978978804761906,7.005238095238094,73.61027472527473,65.71428571428572,10.08058608058608,32.344322344322336,10.035473477838034,3.247399267399267,879,34,156,19,13,290,138,210,0.14,0.755,0.105,-0.8181,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,2,10,14,1,1,6,0,10,8,2,1,3,35,31,18,0,3,8,0,9,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,8,4,0,13,0,0,1,2,7,0,1,2,9,20,6,25,27,8,22,0,2,0,0,2,8,0,8,16,103,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678609211477951,0.12717341296958778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412019815761028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566109414433968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632209705032812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013521254783084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401372509583913,0.12796006147911748,0.1069025291217756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700355467010435,0.10368454380444493,0.2792317686197804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197867454742486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154912749833924,0.12141108135789815,0.0,0.0,0.4393040278851801,0.2660094674116873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969291593497706,0.0,0.07053903893129189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672981362765088,0.0,0.10975701181921158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924964921316393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766811362293847,0.2425508637032127,0.0,0.10959834245405517,0.0,0.0,0.13885613485106246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124090672676838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200074994351893,0.0,0.0,0.11909443211456955,0.0,0.0,0.13218146787527302,0.08410547269600703,0.0,0.0,0.14562556353767767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992423571071186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902615595673458,0.12761382970236235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299223627470947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242074943142218,0.0,0.0,0.09555199084718193,0.0,0.0,0.08785125863973159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795297116711086,0.0,0.09853571505875858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320792836140115,0.0,0.0,0.1511421133542403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134600522359293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,15ahelpplease,2020/02/21,"Can BPD be recurring/go into remission? Hi, I have been in intense treatment for BPD since January 2019. Prior to starting treatment I had unstable emotions, emotional disregulation, and multiple suicide attempts over 2011-2017. Since 2017 I haven't, and my emotional stability improved greatly. I have not felt depression or markedly low or high moods since late 2018. I am no longer feeling like I fit criteria for BPD (or maybe I never did?) however I do gain a lot from my treatment program. Is it possible BPD can go away and come back? Since 2018 I have experienced some truly awful life events including trauma, and have managed well. I haven't had unstable relationships. I sometimes worry that maybe I just haven't had my BPD be ""triggered"" and I still am BPD. The obvious difference in my life is that I am sober since 2018. I believe perhaps my symptoms were spurred/exacerbated by drug use and now I am able to utilise my coping skills I am rather healthy. Any experiences similar here? Thanks x",4.4841269841269815,7.312321637362636,5.275311355311356,75.25024420024421,74.38461538461539,8.87960927960928,34.28693528693529,9.444778638647367,3.9005777777777775,806,44,133,22,18,261,114,182,0.11800000000000001,0.7140000000000001,0.168,0.762,1,0,1,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,3,7,8,0,0,2,1,25,4,0,2,2,22,32,9,1,1,6,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,2,0,0,2,6,3,1,0,7,3,23,4,11,23,2,18,0,2,0,0,2,8,0,5,9,85,26,2,0.09162875617304712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06231069628160544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608823265878605,0.07045685759149542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323423076183376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6924192646996862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893006007853537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891971342691383,0.0,0.0,0.09573254801421267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626026695595538,0.0,0.0,0.30921005340379576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963050571705589,0.0,0.0,0.046330252257167456,0.06545960171831604,0.08797797523391951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414946743731464,0.0,0.0,0.10102102715871006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968108116646282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336122803089234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944020053855032,0.04476518191890192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789949182299595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18410680263545529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066974549429332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032976551115099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837499302512197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789812698589222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062318279637226,0.0,0.06485530522990257,0.0,0.07317484304148499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022698730439362,0.0,0.0,0.09523736168792503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435944797250441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913782581572963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238525597080591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093053449659398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Hadix5,2020/02/21,"I'm so sorry mom Mom: ""OP I love you so much, If i could give my life for yours i would! What is it that would make you happy?!"" It broke my heart hearing her say this, because I couldn't tell her that I've lost all hope, that there's nothing that will make me happy. That I just want to die. I'm a disappointment and a failure in all aspects. I'm so sorry mom.",-0.7949305555555526,1.082614812500001,1.446666666666669,100.5227777777778,88.375,4.055555555555556,16.38888888888889,5.033348758259628,-1.0354027777777777,275,6,70,1,9,92,51,80,0.221,0.64,0.138,-0.7407,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,3,0,1,5,7,0,0,2,0,6,3,1,2,2,13,17,5,1,7,2,3,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,13,4,3,11,3,1,0,3,0,1,13,1,0,2,0,43,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987990172655754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940317751677874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16820758335766886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554764814725517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450623110753126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18266956763417108,0.1920588808801034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097639587810794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447790399315955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769232947303179,0.0,0.14627842546032216,0.0,0.21637176954328136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5694585471142616,0.0,0.0,0.11914329314122316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551470657131014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888802547108522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628579232180789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166012249802198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095595648727427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302659311309984,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mom2israel,2020/02/21,"I broke up with my bf because he doesn’t tolerate my BPD Now. Let me first say that i don’t want sympathy from him, or anyone for that matter. I was diagnosed at 15 due to severe childhood sexual trauma. I’m about to be 29 and i still don’t know what my triggers are. I struggle daily, as i assume everyone else in this sub does. Lately, it’s gotten worse for me and my bf. He’s a “logical” person so he bases his “feelings” off facts. I’m emotional, so i operate off feelings . At this point, it’s caused a rift between us because he’s not understanding where or why i have these feelings, and he gets frustrated when i can’t explain it either. He’s become unbearable the past few months. He’s been focusing on what i need to do to improve myself. But he refuses to see what he does too. It’s been really hard recently and in a convo over messenger yesterday, i told him i couldn’t do it anymore, and that i didn’t wanna be with him anymore. I love this man more than anyone I’ve ever been with. In the beginning, he was so caring and patient. When things got hard, he started drifting. It’s been since 3 yesterday (almost 24 hours) since i talked to my FP (him) and I’m torn up. This fucking hurts . 2 years down the drain. Sometimes i feel like i don’t deserve to be loved. I only leave them as an empty shell",2.2063596983795897,3.840599804428045,4.201527354403979,85.92583667575806,76.7859778597786,7.517471522541312,25.06674153698059,8.321376580360154,1.6044986683779885,1021,36,213,19,23,349,155,271,0.11,0.797,0.092,-0.3945,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,1,0,1,1,11,10,2,1,7,0,21,4,0,2,2,35,44,17,0,4,5,0,6,1,2,0,1,1,0,2,18,10,0,1,9,0,0,1,8,6,0,1,10,8,33,4,31,29,3,33,0,2,1,3,29,14,1,4,19,135,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270919028229533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517407866759677,0.1774906294995362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547383330792419,0.14017300999860813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985111631397725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294032525415973,0.1303816543844107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882098277999926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221368435703892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060252541667858,0.14276775569939934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480627656955147,0.0,0.12127736198683794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566979719940102,0.09067157089581686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795796516428743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733536224277775,0.0663103866356985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150940365129148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273905237786245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249904926665925,0.0,0.13587033148072564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975183393173437,0.0,0.14317112645461486,0.1343898023306379,0.0,0.12978415242966307,0.0,0.062006630952173035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22910025167905254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130621863081776,0.0,0.0,0.09410946545350612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652827015184086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115936438041965,0.0,0.11082152323280207,0.0,0.0,0.11998028858493966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130811008958155,0.0,0.12531804664063806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009317641371908,0.0,0.0,0.10113869331976727,0.0,0.0,0.14338331162705878,0.0,0.20997883382223526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255269834834128,0.0,0.08983452773556275,0.0,0.1013583614085723,0.0,0.0,0.13268419134579507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201337307497198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431991308402427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127736198683794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212804676204787,0.15266896022802615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748606197870801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145254294366368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934217691498154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173222640230984 bpd,ArsonPD765,2020/02/21,"I feel like I’m 2 different people yet no one at the same time I live two lives that’s a fact, I haven’t been diagnosed BPD because I’m not 18 yet, but my psychiatrist has said I show symptoms of it and his diagnosis of me is unconventional “Chronic depressive, obsessive and acute panic symptoms which could progress into an unstable personality disorder”. - that was copied word for word out of a letter he sent detailing the appointment. But I live 2 lives, it’s so exhausting, there’s the sad kid my parents see and the goofy druggie my friends see. My parents and all doctors don’t know about my drug use and none of my friends know about my self harm and suicide attempts. With the drugs it’s just getting worse and worse because I just crave being normal and not constantly wishing I was someone or somewhere else. I get called a crackhead constantly but they don’t know my drug abuse (although this is rationalisation) keeps me going. The stimulants get me out of bed, give me a purpose during the day, the opiates numb my emotional pain, (the benzos stop my panic, the sleeping pills help me sleep, the antipsychotics stop me slitting my wrists - these are in brackets because they’re prescribed). I’m only 17 but I do anything to stop being sober and hiding this huge part of my life is so challenging it’s taking so much out of me. But there’s just a hole in my chest, it’s such a physical feeling of emptiness of loss, I feel like I’m not a person - i have no personality, i look back at the bright eyed kid I was and ask what happened. I used to appreciate the small things now I need to take a potentially lethal combination of pills to feel some sort of control. I feel like a shell. A person with no substance to them because I don’t, I’m so concerned with staying alive I don’t actually live. I have no hobbies or anything that brings me joy. I’m either lying in bed motionless listening to sad music and watching anime in the dark or railing ketamine and doing the same thing.",3.74828752642706,5.78819676744186,4.747460653042051,81.9132135306554,73.5736434108527,7.5849659384543076,29.556730091613808,8.391295532112219,2.263396899224806,1587,69,300,28,33,517,200,387,0.228,0.6609999999999999,0.111,-0.9951,3,0,4,0,1,1,35.0,0,0,2,5,16,19,0,3,26,0,21,19,5,4,2,62,56,25,2,4,15,2,5,3,2,0,14,2,2,7,15,19,0,5,8,1,0,3,13,11,0,2,6,13,43,8,33,47,8,27,0,4,6,0,23,12,0,5,14,190,58,2,0.0,0.09657140317732216,0.07953819838914086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414515474621652,0.0,0.07619720307888278,0.0,0.0,0.06267316155072464,0.0,0.19874145365160328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265408251426086,0.0,0.0832268433150555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761582818951733,0.09141602426612992,0.0650759904263287,0.0,0.0,0.052564693112866025,0.0,0.07020108642680782,0.08272697808310472,0.0,0.08515652915070504,0.09341305452399236,0.08342494935138353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28356360636885314,0.0,0.0680878897864852,0.09168339459798004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20605967138319906,0.17468392717673448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594282481119706,0.0,0.12775072313946048,0.07818808018462411,0.04632179621156315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207557703234124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054631822256229284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244636864963794,0.0,0.0,0.1343808666663003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05757017043355887,0.11945929356589274,0.0,0.3598569076924107,0.0,0.06844459804477067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05991636335834327,0.06043574205050749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798586748106087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523064427198135,0.06198906355876039,0.086728239390301,0.19125969901452425,0.18100576188012346,0.0882631660136829,0.0,0.05650606871750885,0.28467193855439865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753096793935804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989962170847966,0.0,0.08502864045617572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312992994351527,0.0,0.06905985593021759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687466025531212,0.0,0.2044282532216318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915444687429416,0.0,0.0,0.16943209671197684,0.1225648906490286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829806528621504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0475268636705558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961961858811639,0.0,0.0,0.1407902058555904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372799512660686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16612336288631432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,teandcrackers,2020/02/21,"I'm tired of being myself, fear I may have BPD I'll preface this by saying I am a 22 year old female and this is a throwaway account. I had a fight with my sibling yesterday over something quite small really. The details are not really relevant but I overgeneralised and accussed her of never listening to what I have to say. She didn't want to hear that so told me to stop and to go away, and pushed me a bit because I was very adamant that she listen to what I have to say about her behaviour. I walked off, and went into a sort of crisis mode, felt like she hated me, like I'm an awful person, like my opinions don't matter and that no one likes me how could they I don't even like myself I should just be dead. I was crying and muttering to myself, it was very dramatic for something so small. Normally I do overreact to situations and feel really intensely to a point where I can't handle it, and at least every two days feel like I'm so over my own thoughts and behaviour and that I'm exhausted and don't want to deal with anything anymore. But I never really thought about BPD because I didn't/don't really understand myself in the first place and didn't have much knowledge on the condition. My sister said to me that one minute I act nearly overly-nice with her and the next like she's the worst person ever, and she never knows where she stands with me, and also that I think very black and white. I got angry and believed it was the other way around, she was like that. Really though, it is true and I realised it on the walk home. Somewhere in the back of my mind BPD came up and after searching it, it clicked and really shone a light on why I was being so weird. I never really understood why I was acting the way I was and reading about it makes me realise things like yeah, the reason I left the concert halfway through all panicked was because my partner ran to be near the stage when the band came on, knowing I hate moshes, and I felt abandoned and when I saw a couple hugging each other I broke down and left and was so distraught as if he had just broken up with me. Though at that time I honestly didn't know why I was so frantic. Apologies for the rant. I just want to get better really, really badly. I feel like I try to be OK and to be happy so hard but tiny things make feel all over the place. I've been seeing a therapist recently but we've been mostly focused on social anxiety and problems at home. I'm afraid to bring up the fact that I think I may have it for fear that the therapist will think I actually want a diagnosis. But I just want to be ok, I'm tired of myself.",5.04078947368421,5.0878829191729364,5.976456766917296,81.82528665413537,68.4924812030075,9.131203007518797,28.09116541353384,8.930421266530582,2.0044180451127813,2051,61,421,33,32,680,241,532,0.201,0.688,0.11,-0.9949,0,0,2,0,1,1,40.0,0,0,1,3,27,32,3,5,28,4,44,4,0,4,9,97,90,48,1,10,11,1,7,10,1,4,3,8,2,3,27,38,0,2,18,3,1,11,13,15,0,4,31,21,67,17,61,47,9,65,0,2,5,1,29,32,0,6,28,301,94,1,0.0,0.0,0.06354557611100377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05207467840189943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049814936151595664,0.0,0.06457935653752482,0.0,0.0,0.05358639819287058,0.05796864473444448,0.0,0.0,0.06118031343755378,0.05007156609147614,0.05437064017554995,0.11908561318840835,0.0,0.0,0.073365457745277,0.0,0.05759139933703395,0.07109176850839531,0.0,0.24604075572344705,0.0,0.0,0.1489548234265431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05199126188907747,0.07205160336002996,0.07152884185147948,0.04199559173584725,0.06713358896536271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043009690503237316,0.0589027750745369,0.05486455212964855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14655124996440752,0.13170205809516766,0.09304033378167577,0.1250465931098007,0.0,0.0,0.05538916450900065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034021361077256874,0.0,0.03700794443895987,0.0,0.05208065055223797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693191053242905,0.05833275530061805,0.12858068549547988,0.0,0.0,0.07339248936759149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063691870892394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736111407537093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150135304146985,0.0,0.0,0.31813266184040084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693326973573913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575041155279544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04786907303902393,0.0,0.20089143644194712,0.0,0.06925351541249468,0.0,0.06380161483509621,0.0,0.0,0.06833017352259876,0.0,0.0882510084544266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371669653348132,0.13606847562777666,0.0,0.06155736570391534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623089369804686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926079217521604,0.06513541838466183,0.0,0.4171612792825738,0.06695194024216937,0.0642959682572925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061941936376860476,0.15535285644197733,0.0,0.0,0.0518904530479896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319513168926238,0.0,0.06637939314000726,0.0,0.10026172235629427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05444139372623052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512135615757658,0.0865227411444511,0.12517456412913652,0.12795580904554907,0.10339251351863953,0.037970710851641984,0.14968665591716138,0.0,0.06222284519798199,0.0,0.04421070943618022,0.0,0.06361062527676006,0.06778992274649644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118700560771615,0.1920408178462029,0.10337495188904942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036484982075555,0.17627604897544635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04193372602934152 bpd,kingmc4412,2020/02/21,"Tried out a new therapist last weekend and she hinted at me having BPD.... been feeling deeply upset with this ever since. I feel like I am at an absolute lost… not sure where to begin. I moved to a new area 6 months ago and ended a very toxic relationship ( I believed he had avoidant personality disorder and depression). I’ve been struggling with loneliness and just overall not feeling that great about myself. Over the years, I looked into BPD but thought to myself “nah, that’s not me…I don’t want it to be me.” I’ve been in therapy and it has helped me but with the move I had to find a new one and it I believe she was grossly incompetent and has caused more harm than good. She hinted at me having BPD and now I’m deeply distressed over it. She stated that it could be C-PTSD or Borderline and up until now I went with C-PTSD but I do have a deeply engrained fear of abandonment. Now I’m feeling really down on myself though. Doing more research, it looks like my presentation aligns mostly with “Quiet BPD”. I’m left feeling so lost and I don’t know how to proceed. I’m a bit scared to open back up to another therapist. And I also am feeling like there’s no hope for me. I can recall struggling with this pretty early on in childhood. And now I’m 22. I try so hard to break toxic habits and tendencies. I have been pretty good about acknowledging my fault in interpersonal relationships. But it’s like I still struggle a lot. I feel like I’m constantly looking at self-improvement articles but finding it difficult to really stick on a path of self-improvement. Perhaps I’m just being overly critical of myself. But lately I’ve been feeling pretty low. I’m beginning to question the point of all of this and feeling like life is a bit meaningless. I’m not suicidal but I do feel like I want to just not exist at times. I think things are further complicated by the fact that I have depression, anxiety, and codependent tendencies. I have zero contact with my family members due to being abused (I have largely forgiven them all but I still struggle a lot with this). I found that being active has really helped my mental health but unfortunately, I found out that I have been doing a lot of things wrong and this has led to me being injured…. I’m devastated over this and feel like I can no longer turn to my only healthy coping mechanism. I’ve been self-medicating with weed since I discovered it back in 2017 and I believe it has mostly had a negative impact on me and while I like to just excuse it as “ everyone does it” I can speak honestly with myself and I know that I’m using it to numb out my emotions. This loose diagnosis is making a lot of sense but I find a lot of discomfort in it. I feel like there’s something fundamentally wrong with me. I’m left reflecting on my past relationships and wondering if I was the one causing all the issues which makes me feel even worse about myself. I really don’t know how to proceed… I’ve spent so much time and money on self-help and at this point I really do feel like a lost cause. I’m so tired of overreacting to everything, feeling bitter toward people who owe me nothing, and feeling like the image I imprint on those who meet me is that of one who is unstable and “crazy”. There’s so much more to me….",3.4406408268733837,5.314453779844964,4.929728682170545,80.99324935400519,73.99224806201549,8.250645994832041,26.208010335917315,8.94667605116694,2.1273514211886297,2588,92,498,56,54,867,263,645,0.204,0.6609999999999999,0.135,-0.995,1,1,1,0,1,0,56.0,0,0,1,2,30,41,1,10,23,0,50,4,0,9,6,120,104,49,1,5,21,0,17,12,0,0,4,2,0,1,37,41,0,2,30,1,3,4,11,23,0,4,19,23,67,18,79,78,17,77,0,6,3,0,20,39,0,12,44,348,104,1,0.0,0.057712875878147586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043178095193825934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03895302585197579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05107623163188929,0.03726268803336193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490930595316136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16463701706257144,0.0,0.0,0.1063564704211094,0.0,0.24539199504649625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011443941378208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05263774121235555,0.0,0.0388906284319599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390696322434478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05582538767965009,0.0,0.04262607330655132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05479171057300125,0.043142221609465216,0.0,0.0,0.03217221185943939,0.04406059510389336,0.0,0.04654408192162877,0.043777021065839104,0.0,0.045919047933994886,0.05481180876860402,0.3940643576631178,0.3131831414486174,0.0,0.0,0.133558994696713,0.0,0.0,0.1068150595734612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171055328610316,0.0,0.0537024733277905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04363420754527545,0.0,0.0,0.051775995574832916,0.0,0.0,0.0979469948597948,0.0,0.0,0.048379594060585035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0508401363557108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030851808241421,0.039704801057164014,0.05494651705269343,0.0,0.10584618152750573,0.0,0.03440501008787265,0.2855644281941451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271131395598785,0.0,0.15951675024570613,0.20705567442412315,0.0,0.0,0.06502803295832768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05410535192970569,0.0,0.04908779035171177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038879514378247694,0.10354112937471333,0.07161427768053978,0.0,0.0,0.1411320198675909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046738146504832837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902059655339583,0.03704582322781719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04649879655122069,0.033769083009673774,0.04253131805907046,0.0,0.0,0.09209257670832513,0.0,0.0,0.14866543351563508,0.0,0.0,0.11387776235394223,0.0,0.054565866558806665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15602299039589151,0.0,0.0,0.15688754869082785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048766777425386466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20325882036628728,0.0,0.0,0.08058611997423616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03749900702954602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779905168706823,0.0,0.0,0.2036872758618872,0.0,0.05328036413629874,0.0,0.04590819364953782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05570363883552547,0.11311113105242512,0.0647209483767197,0.031211125907175438,0.04785690560769693,0.038669957987156965,0.056805884426468514,0.055984485709510534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614120184519096,0.052982025291826745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04206942950017435,0.0,0.040190496860312286,0.0574603332887783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04515425976270186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052823451289508695,0.0,0.0,0.04963921361437641,0.0,0.1065125373556408,0.0,0.03136736633271326 bpd,-black-and-white,2020/02/21,"I have a complex when it comes to sex and porn. I love sex but I have a lot of hang ups when it truly comes down to it. I have a problem with my partner watching porn and around 4ish years ago I asked him to stop watching it for me (we've been together for 9 years now). It impacted my mental health to a degree where it destroying me completely and I honestly couldn't think of anything else. The problem is before our relationship started (we started dating when I was 16) I would watch porn all the time. All kinds, nothing extreme, mostly normal shit like hetero couples, gay porn, lesbian porn, like I said, pretty typical stuff. But when I realized he was using porn it destroyed me for some reason. I don't recall ever watching porn in those first 5 years (who knows though maybe I did, it was so long ago) because I was SOOOO into him. I believe my BPD really started to shine when we first started to date because this was my first relationship where I was committed and the fear of abandonment really started to kick in. Anyways, during the past four-ish years in times where I've been really down and paranoid about him still jacking off to porn, I've watched porn to make myself feel better. Kind of like a tit for tat situation. My thought process would go like this ""Well, if he is still looking at porn, I might as well too and not feel like a huge loser for saving myself all the time for him"". I would feel lots of guilt afterwards for feeling like a major hypocrite and the cycle would continue. What I really want is for our relationship to be just us. I understand that attraction for other people does not go away in a long-term committed relationship (obviously) but I really don't want that stuff in our relationship. I want to focus our sexual energies on each other. Commitment/monogamy just seems like a sham to me, why be with just one person if that doesn't really satisfy you? So even though our relationship is monogamous, it feels like kind of a lie. I My tit for tat situation escalated when I started posting pictures on gonewild for validation. I wondered if other men would see me the way my partner was seeing these porn stars or models or whatever, and guess what, they did and it felt empowering. So that's my complex. I hate porn but I loved making my own and I use it as a crutch when I'm giving in to my paranoid delusions. Fuck this.",4.215980392156862,5.936054601307192,5.167249455337693,80.72512254901962,71.61437908496733,8.411546840958605,28.21840958605664,8.998388855275968,2.3430527233115472,1878,71,354,38,36,614,217,459,0.122,0.728,0.149,0.8155,1,0,0,0,0,0,51.0,8,1,1,5,29,30,5,2,18,0,30,23,3,5,7,81,71,33,0,15,14,0,6,8,2,6,1,1,0,4,28,19,0,2,16,0,0,5,6,11,2,4,14,16,58,19,51,48,10,63,0,2,9,21,32,20,4,13,44,246,86,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162420155237798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395588569552493,0.05836834858649469,0.06129610253043979,0.0,0.061602162301929574,0.0,0.0,0.07993781942012942,0.0,0.05579251338804308,0.07387132529147461,0.0,0.05798850201668824,0.0,0.0,0.08257908312524664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295997655639528,0.06874553717795336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254841165253581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057377944218882836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05477264393960842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04330624977331141,0.05930891991717716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378087311593097,0.16576270826394346,0.14052279451202646,0.06295440552062406,0.0,0.0,0.16731324719353208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06061544551960087,0.0,0.06289764434914266,0.07452624125950381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222921684336221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647336358032119,0.0,0.0696944371254881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048331821478804,0.036033795854595714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25626099334375485,0.0,0.0,0.1160491007531936,0.055059594445530366,0.0,0.0,0.1114850889676912,0.11835318491150977,0.0,0.0875326896970626,0.0,0.06587065843127833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607590796302244,0.06955600814218907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424153802690853,0.06291310822280477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04442975722629705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259092493868229,0.045455760077109685,0.05725039643221942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279486534776507,0.06670500228182426,0.0,0.12547713579955144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25202260716112984,0.06741358547364965,0.0,0.42236520134900907,0.0,0.0,0.062369036763400464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449649342988794,0.05968954772166778,0.0,0.0,0.06730337292657128,0.0,0.14739964961556876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784510901564588,0.0,0.10472345448944992,0.054816776571267545,0.0,0.0,0.1501165872901931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042012554814313686,0.12883808652507273,0.0520527114092074,0.11469757645112255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825734601257567,0.07886878145131086,0.11325731844083492,0.0,0.0,0.11601898354082806,0.05204387004917252,0.0,0.0,0.11790484605985553,0.0,0.05916383429457259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110439236898879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328838500979105,0.0,0.0,0.16889146535156632 bpd,Little-Jadie,2020/02/21,"Why do I trigger myself Kind of opposite to an earlier post but I find I’ll be reading through other people’s problem and I’ll try and find similar problems in my life, I was reading a post last night about someone having relationship problems then i start picking apart my relationship and getting really worked up how I need to fix all these problems that are non existent, people post comments about there parents (bit of a trigger) and I start going over everything that’s happened in the past and ripping my self apart over it. It’s almost like I have to relate to these people it’s getting ridiculous, wanting to post on gone wild, confessions and all those kind of subs just to feel part of something.",9.877189054726363,8.017337365671647,9.146865671641793,69.26218905472639,59.67164179104478,11.619900497512438,43.22885572139303,10.125756701596842,4.501819900497513,573,28,97,9,6,182,83,134,0.131,0.848,0.021,-0.9397,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,1,0,4,0,6,1,0,4,2,25,16,9,0,6,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,4,2,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,1,11,3,19,13,4,20,1,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,7,63,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097645776986787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189616736768822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085786558071546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06108652612551715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22084122007470544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623928842598753,0.0,0.06866063590862465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068342628580165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516156511456449,0.0,0.09847846707964948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533357586745154,0.05902297789409264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958107889092631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337452557494775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414819512884105,0.13082837025856062,0.11532938293331367,0.25126892271971824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4628206455829208,0.0,0.0,0.4624057132301113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416907674427376,0.0,0.0773957028584479,0.0,0.0,0.25941523254266363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603398403426944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023642002626636,0.09300751120656693,0.0,0.0,0.17102368773275695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202388621897967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125845476492633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090146615958529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795307725892107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,solareflares,2020/02/21,"BPD traits, what is it exactly? So I just got out of an appointment and during it I asked my therapist about Bpd, and she doesn't give labels to her patients, she just said I have some bpd traits but won't say that I have 100% bpd because of her reasons So I was wondering, has this happened to you? What is exactly bpd traits?",1.2818336886993578,3.4865250298507497,2.7607675906183395,92.31701492537312,82.28358208955223,6.8136460554371014,23.004264392324096,7.957251820313856,1.1784771855010665,255,9,56,5,7,83,44,67,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,1,2,11,14,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,11,0,6,10,1,1,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,2,0,40,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442979171596814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765666960260786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9055297552654102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379421672867595,0.0,0.0,0.11500674823558216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715827375232205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784617422533403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678286669965425,0.11435230204853418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695816797167964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559405616614342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Moneychode,2020/02/21,"Homeless TW So I've needed to vent about this since it first started but I've just been so scared to. New Years Eve my spouse (24) and I (22) were faced with eviction from our second apartment. Everything happened so fast to lead up to it (medical bills and student loans piled up) and my BPD and MDD have made working nearly impossible. I used to be able to work and I went to college full time. Everything was fine. But suddenly, everything just collapsed in my brain and I couldn't function like a normal human anymore. I don't know what happened to me. My spouse, we'll call them E, has been staying at a coworkers house and I've had to move into my in-law's house a state away. We've seen each other maybe two times since E works all day every day. My car has been with E since it's not really possible to get it up here as E would have to drive it and how would they get back?? It's about a three hour drive from here to there. E works a marketing job. Their managers are very well-to-do. One of them told E that if they can make enough for us and to pay it back, he'd pay for the down payment for a new apartment for us. It's been so long, and I just feel like this is never going to happen. That's why I feel helpless. I can't do anything. If I could work, E wouldn't have to make so much. They're going to try to get my car and clothes down here this weekend. I'm going to try and force myself to find a job. But I I'm scared. I'm just such a mess and so afraid that I'll have another breakdown. Should I try to get therapy again? I'm afraid to do that, too, since it'll prolong the situation. I just don't know. The home I'm in is nice and better than living in a homeless shelter, but being away from my spouse for nearly two months so far and not having anything do to or any way to help is taking such a toll on me. I write my thoughts and feelings down every day, but I'm also constantly in agony and feel like I'm in hell. I've never been homeless before. I've never felt so helpless. I cry every day. I wait for the hours to pass so I can take a melatonin at 5pm and so I can just sleep the rest of the day away so I don't need to be awake through it. I don't want to be alive. I don't know what to do. I'm so scared that we won't even find a new home because we were evicted. If we just had the down payment money, we could be looking for a new home now. But we don't. Because of me. I don't know. I'm sorry.",0.6197232791421676,2.231105425612053,2.4585487528344667,96.73740920096851,81.37288135593221,5.3893078135208885,20.0646066336139,6.1826913282559595,-0.16420907029478382,1875,49,456,14,49,622,221,531,0.12,0.8440000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.9927,5,0,0,0,0,1,60.0,9,0,5,8,35,15,1,5,20,0,52,4,3,6,4,81,96,43,0,14,19,3,5,3,0,7,1,0,3,1,21,27,0,1,12,1,5,11,16,9,0,6,16,7,49,6,68,64,6,69,1,2,2,0,23,25,1,4,33,285,70,14,0.06894238215506615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05513319810120978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04688318400046488,0.07229209888662336,0.0,0.0,0.06837231772711523,0.0,0.0,0.11346741248391776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194320912437381,0.10602487263592887,0.0,0.08405327252334444,0.0,0.0586648893675806,0.0,0.0,0.060973934472896486,0.0,0.0,0.08683051688180554,0.07696249909976735,0.07039788040074663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450222287965884,0.0,0.11008976451625413,0.0,0.07572996951247381,0.2223106651452256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123591022659884,0.0,0.045535793202329436,0.0,0.1742607912786111,0.0,0.1858829029515292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943735961762685,0.09850490317383713,0.06619549847812932,0.0,0.1260241765863367,0.058642355041867024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407819673653705,0.0,0.11754463366963297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18289656256203432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04621062551549581,0.0,0.2074644915593381,0.0,0.1357887180748174,0.15910050525106495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682935260964446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155572093347394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104529652019267,0.0,0.06087738652591705,0.06101183871698765,0.057894237427617484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523494895218647,0.0920391508697553,0.0,0.06926188936074695,0.0,0.0,0.06945219691476569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550291516874815,0.0732748415890971,0.050680583496133934,0.10223980560445847,0.1595178458430932,0.2663399291701525,0.0,0.0,0.06754889665822958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04671714239114695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772217709656933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04416625537912363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20707005489909036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281194037983605,0.07749412611487286,0.06899217151894753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717535242663516,0.04879777293384938,0.07348340630146942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036721827905741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884162238250082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054732550492306464,0.08040171490913996,0.0,0.0,0.06587740061004622,0.0,0.14042205595941085,0.0,0.13469337929113412,0.0,0.16585839416184547,0.05954408264590168,0.0,0.05688468550828266,0.04066400323058685,0.0547232539509462,0.0,0.0,0.06198748120465033,0.06391027896191674,0.06220977659337371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509543765434835,0.0,0.0,0.09794938045876296,0.0,0.0,0.04439663374307492 bpd,CountingDownTheDays5,2020/02/21,"I am 3 years self harm free and today I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me. I don’t want a pity party but I figure since 4 years ago I was formally diagnosed with bpd among other things I come here for support. I’ve been abused mostly by men. Raped three times, molested as a child, emotionally and physically abused. I took to self harming to cope with everything. Always in places nobody could see. When I met my boyfriend I was at the peak of it. We became friends and he helped me through a lot. Convincing me he listen and never harm me. I opened up to him emotionally and physically. He knows everything about me something I never done with any guy not even my ex fiancé. Well today I found out he was planning on meeting with a woman for spring break and having sex with her. I broke down while teaching my class (I’m a young teacher). It was impossible for me to imagine such a thing. I was send home, and now I’ve been up for the last few hour. I cried a bit but mostly I feel numb. I cannot sleep. I feel like if I were to harm myself the numbness would go away. I can go to work, pretend to be fine, and attend class (JD student). I keep telling myself I’m a bad teacher, I’m going to be a bad lawyer, I deserved to be raped, cheated on, and used like this. I put to much pressure on him. I’m too broken to love. I thought the worse and here it is. I don’t know what to do, or who to call. So I came here",0.4510101010101018,2.609756457912461,2.262760942760945,94.869696969697,85.43097643097644,5.0814814814814815,20.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.04606262626262669,1096,33,249,11,33,361,167,297,0.271,0.649,0.081,-0.9969,0,0,1,0,2,0,38.0,1,0,0,2,11,25,5,1,13,0,23,8,1,1,2,45,48,18,0,4,5,1,2,2,1,1,3,1,1,6,9,21,0,1,9,1,1,9,6,16,1,1,15,4,42,10,40,28,6,40,0,2,1,4,25,15,0,5,17,161,51,7,0.0,0.2723713340846997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188779550692532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563968244908687,0.0,0.0,0.07816346411691802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079903593743078,0.0,0.19194099023248096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548522880015622,0.0,0.1447635039138373,0.0,0.1173670755500796,0.13146128230274165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901104123139204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177061607335436,0.0,0.12625671401722308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666216210981925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762401186393345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585851264293312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591709935849034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066021740994431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162347149344859,0.08211349792808821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520525951417387,0.08880272545391775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959699613379827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380914064168475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704217719651843,0.0,0.11529466756760215,0.0,0.11319321435824455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021643749053839,0.0,0.0,0.12633655763204746,0.09369182759442196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230821991755943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771828108475783,0.10373826578557864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449447395648836,0.0,0.17729835953464027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008833198898178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554692361516328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159267675978253,0.0,0.239815964918022,0.0,0.0,0.09507994824428456,0.0,0.11502348310677955,0.0,0.0,0.08848679273108516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043308832314698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004630408939122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527226878263126,0.0,0.0,0.0912498977541794,0.06702271499069815,0.0,0.21790026032268248,0.0,0.1277030963455182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927166566207593,0.0,0.0,0.06779486984784773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334529034524986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367803434914149,0.0,0.1171341631251339,0.08165041526069299,0.0,0.0,0.14803579417534352 bpd,thatgirlnats,2020/02/21,"I'm severely paranoid This week has been mayhem, my boyfriend has split up with me over a lie I said however he kept threatening to leave me throughout the relationship and I told the lie because I was scared of losing him but I finally came out with it and he left me. He is my friend's brother, which I havent discussed any of this to my friend as he doesn't want to know about the ins and outs of our relationship. My anxiety has been going off because I feel my now ex is going to spread lies to my friend about everything. My friend was aware about the split and was very supportive at first but then turned on me over something I said about her cousin (nothing rude or bad) but her cousin said something about my schizophrenic mum which I was livid about so she was aware as well that I do not like her cousin. She is now no longer speaking to me however she has invited my flat mate out for a drink and now I'm worried that she is going to spread lies to him about me. I really just want to end my life, I've had enough and these thoughts won't stop. I have made my plan, it's just about going through with it.",4.318971014492757,4.843105708695653,4.498695652173911,90.1194927536232,70.17391304347827,8.394202898550725,26.63768115942029,8.447377352677275,1.40512463768116,883,26,200,13,15,275,117,230,0.16,0.755,0.085,-0.9111,2,0,3,0,0,1,13.0,1,0,0,3,15,11,1,1,6,0,21,3,0,1,0,28,41,14,0,2,7,6,1,1,5,1,2,4,0,0,10,13,1,2,3,1,0,5,5,4,1,1,16,5,38,7,37,24,1,25,0,1,0,0,33,11,0,1,10,134,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887407538061598,0.0,0.0999779353200644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912117462600636,0.15933552802542375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947520615936305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802701312615605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575306209185048,0.13503830403717376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745626554657007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608108362162513,0.0,0.0,0.14316514133396546,0.0,0.11116533984628807,0.0,0.0,0.40388486898125575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970978715449663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182412443698152,0.0,0.0,0.13838245307075156,0.14199569662229225,0.0,0.09231062102046513,0.06384881552771138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620932869313172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366258594061715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540113542147704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372373151543733,0.0,0.0,0.2806255448075695,0.0,0.0,0.3729500057877882,0.0,0.1308440688669066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476431548246792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20122398555949486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926317609103044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830612044545835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375372155138572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488044898226686,0.0,0.0,0.14215382135099175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783341480850824,0.15416937929629315,0.0,0.10483209944540688,0.0,0.1175065259471708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272262698013002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nullsi,2020/02/21,"Clueless. Dae have issues believing their bpd is real? I have been diagnosed, I know and have to remind myself many times I have this disorder. Sometimes I'm at total disbelief that I have it though. I think about my friends with ADHD and schizophrenia, people who really need help. I don't feel like I'm real. Why don't people feel like I do?",1.8786940298507453,4.536826328358213,3.3508768656716437,85.95527052238809,84.22388059701494,6.335074626865673,20.315298507462693,7.645422480735847,1.0776880597014924,272,8,50,5,8,89,46,67,0.154,0.754,0.092,-0.4813,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,0,1,11,17,3,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,10,3,4,16,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,32,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370598886489013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22223669102352628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24843336855132234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002077397399367,0.0,0.0,0.22606913659610006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994741837069947,0.2818353016095663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15239725223966671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221459196546467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20588098369002805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840514264696434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19273579759943252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999836786919696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626067089363515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27350091981257624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4490344136481413,0.12636538390148402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19508835515178474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639181883548978,0.19380016477408032,0.0,0.11501986622612265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17799023789014753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,oversharing_cutie,2020/02/21,"Letter to nobody Ok so I wrote this letter all day (instead of working lol) (and sorry for my english mistakes, it's not my first language), I don't know why nor to whom, but I want to share it ? And I don't know where so why not in r/BPD since it's one of the few places I feel understood ? But also I don't want to share it too much because it's kind of personnal so I made an alt account just for it ? Well, I don't know what I am doing ??? But here it goes. I always knew I was going to die young, for as long as I can remember. I can't see any life suiting me. Numb. Only nothingness. I don't believe in the after life, and I'm not scared of the endless darkness awaiting me. Feel nothing. Be nothing. Numb. Only death. And I'm kind of waiting for it actually, even if every day my steps bring me to the next. I've been surviving. Even before I can remember, even when mom jumped from our flat's window while she was pregnant with me. I survived. I had no aftereffect. Where is that life force now ? Now that I need it ? Now that I understand it and want it ? Did I use it all when I took care of you, mommy ? I was so young. No five years old child should have to deal with you alone, mom. You were not safe for me. You tried to kill me so many times, wether you were aware of it or not. And I survived to my life with you, and I exhausted myself doing so. I don't see myself. I never look the same when I look at myself in the mirror. I'm loosing him. I can't see it but I can feel it in myself. He is drifting away -- or am I ? Either way, I don't feel close to him as much as we were. Is it dissociation again ? Everything feels far away. I can't grasp anything. I'm just not made for the life they want for me. A stable life. Working, loving, peaceful life. I can't have it. I'm too fucked up, too deeply hurt. My core is ruined by many traumas and untreated PTSD. And what am I now ? I can't see myself. But I know they are wrong about me. They don't see me either. I hate it when they say how strong or pretty I am. ""The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all"". Bullshit. I'm already dead. The flower has rotten. I hate it, it feels like lies. How can I believe them when I don't see it ? Don't I know myself better than they do ? I'm so weak. So tired. So pathetic. I am nothing. An empty meat carcass. And what I am endlessly looking for doesn't exist. Nothing can fill my inner self -- and I really tried. I tried hobbies, I tried to love. But nothing is enough. Even when I have all I want, I'm missing something big. I'm missing you. A love that can never be found again. A love that existed for two minutes many moons ago. But what greatest love than a mother's ? What love can even compare to this one ? And I miss you so much, even with everything you did to me. I can't see any life suiting me. With him, I got it all. Tonight we party like we regularly do : hip-hop x trap x rnb night at a nearby club. Dancing and drinking all night. Will I feel something ? Those nights were pure bliss at the beggining, just us two and so much fun. Every time we drink we open up a little more to each other. How much of my mental illness will he see this time ? How much will I show him ? I can't control myself anymore. I could for a few months but everything is always coming back to haunt me. I can't live with that much scars. In contrary to those on my wrist, my psychical cuts are too deep. I'm bleeding out inside. I don't want anything -- I don't know what I want. I want my mommy and my childhood. I want a dad who protects me. I want to be someone else. I want everything to be so different. I just want to sleep forever. I did it again. I thought he was my happiness. But nobody is. It will come from me. And I don't know how. Or do I ? I want to be five again, and I will endure everything all over again just to curl up in your arms, ear you sing and let you sleep with me in my bed like you used to. You are my everything and everything I'm missing. But you will never come back. Crack destroyed you, you're nothing like you used to. And even when we were together, why do I even miss you ? You did nothing but letting me hungry for days and mess with my head with your schizophrénic dellusions. But, overall, I'd rather be with you and suffer than being alone and suffer. Because I am always alone since you left. You are my missing piece. You are my love story. It's funny how you can sense things : you called me as I was writting this letter. You left 13 years ago and I never heard you being so well since those past few months. I'm happy for you. Happy if you can find as much stability as you can in your cahotic life, even if it has to be without me. I don't really know who is the daughter and who is the mother between us two, but all I want is for you to be safe and healthy. You take your meds now. Why didn't you when I was a kid living alone with you ? Why did you let your demons and mental illness take the most of your love for me ? Why couldn't you love me and take care of me ? I know you wanted me, dad told me so. Was I not enough ? Was I not what you expected ? I know you are sick, I know it's not your fault you fell into drugs, I know, despite everything, you love me more than everything. So, why ? Why couldn't you focus on me to feel better, be better ? All those questions will never have an answer, knowing how it's hard talking with you, particularly about anything about us two. Maybe you miss it too. You told me, the last time I saw you, that I wasn't the little girl you left when you went back to French Guyana. Of course not, mom. It was nine years after you left. I grew without you. I grew without dad. I grew alone. Nobody ever took care of me, except for watching cartoons with me before school in the morning -- and I cherish those mornings when I wasn't alone. I'm alone all the time and I'm alone with everyone. I know It wasn't as hard for me as it was for others, and I'm so sorry to be so weak. Maybe I'm just not strong enough. Maybe it was too much. I think I died the day you tried to jump, again, from the same window, and I had to stop you. I was six and all alone. I took a big kitchen knife, turn it again my chest, and told you that if you jumped I would kill myself. You didn't. You came back, closed the window, took the knife out of my hands, and brought me to watch cartoons on the tv. I remember being paralyzed and trembling. He doesn't love me anymore. I can't see it but I can feel it in myself. He doesn't use emojis like he used to. I think. He is too good for me. Too sane. I'm waiting for the moment he will leave me. It's coming. Nobody can put up with me for too long. He fell in love for a few months, it's good enough. I will enjoy our night, dance and drink with him, as one of our last. He will not stay much longer with me, he is starting to see how fucked up I am. And he is so not. But this time, I will be prepared -- Can I ever be prepared ? Maybe I just have to accept the loneliness. Accept this hole you left and which will never be filled. By no one, by nothing. I must accept that I am broken. I must live with my suffering. I broke something between us. I don't know if he can feel it as much as I can, but something is off. Is it me ? Is it him who oppened his eyes and started to see me for what I truely am ? A fucked up piece of work. Maybe I didn't break anything ? He called me and told me he wants me to know I can count on him. But for how long ? How long before he can't take my mood swings and my irrational fears anymore ? It takes so much time to heal, and I can't ask anyone to be patient enough to wait for me. I hope he will wait a little longer. I hope I am still as funny as I was when we started our story. I hope I am not a burden yet. I hope I am not too sad. I want to dance tonight. My problems, bad memories and fears always disappear with alcohol, dance and weed. Or at least I can shush them for a while. And I need it today. I just hope he will love me as much as he did.",-0.2102020432144656,1.8620070276145704,1.7458688457756786,98.01214075877121,87.71327849588721,4.6250557567327775,17.438080049881293,5.985473137389443,-0.5164035444495068,6099,149,1450,49,196,2012,460,1702,0.146,0.6990000000000001,0.154,0.9586,3,10,9,0,0,2,264.0,15,63,7,13,98,94,9,4,43,2,169,51,9,18,22,269,327,134,6,40,57,9,13,5,0,18,22,3,5,4,81,85,5,9,43,11,1,31,66,42,2,13,54,35,297,51,170,232,46,171,1,14,18,16,162,52,3,18,90,1016,378,4,0.0,0.0,0.02519194905256104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0457673029636869,0.027588639226756684,0.0,0.240631216175672,0.02848775781297813,0.02064443704055088,0.08592138636860881,0.0,0.0,0.035110495080709694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680534000818277,0.018050615114831355,0.0,0.08497496731019698,0.0,0.02413376335882577,0.0,0.04850853303922385,0.07940130024188931,0.02155464598928076,0.03147345977418229,0.0,0.06590060018738468,0.058169867576880585,0.0,0.06849444226124618,0.0,0.0,0.03251338940422523,0.0,0.052720490005079335,0.02952575578463368,0.0789610689698455,0.0,0.0,0.08895016911970012,0.0,0.0,0.02895398528682847,0.0206113674758422,0.0,0.0,0.06659477321244517,0.026614377529235005,0.0,0.0,0.053584284085431096,0.026971429920524537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586731780859013,0.029937481065617173,0.0,0.02156531937278211,0.0,0.0,0.1333702119909388,0.0,0.1534564950718443,0.04670272266129453,0.04350090396937478,0.024667566840447897,0.20880964749332048,0.0,0.0,0.05809864114290701,0.13052960334544714,0.01844241166660364,0.0,0.0,0.02359466046525973,0.021958428828109108,0.0,0.028305076744572867,0.0,0.0715973165178018,0.0,0.0,0.01467139505065949,0.04330519480755491,0.020646804634272903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244240480162618,0.04625076644396693,0.050974407289771866,0.02649388257573056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820178430124407,0.0,0.0,0.02763574692363736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057121473493218076,0.053765197045356435,0.2269980807717917,0.04208573006610957,0.0,0.027334610329216844,0.1402416617665965,0.07919349173930022,0.16410659870273472,0.06306010818942917,0.07762095317269083,0.06838598611786302,0.09138269547207403,0.06503489625566965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30289039036364984,0.04885400603878312,0.0,0.07851780045954125,0.12967438525810512,0.0,0.02867491053748272,0.0,0.052031377548261655,0.0,0.0,0.09070348659181382,0.06181643165275812,0.0,0.2467032199395973,0.038283344745660405,0.11946182114473701,0.0,0.027454799196953227,0.09690341089207516,0.0,0.19816334198584445,0.0,0.02708875039746292,0.0,0.06997229531564729,0.03926730458107697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024643566369167424,0.0,0.0,0.026971429920524537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026263378476959896,0.0,0.0247016969865726,0.030176632544138163,0.02595144508381145,0.02891897540943528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03307580586264602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773089911175992,0.0,0.0,0.02052931394111857,0.02584555741714949,0.026126399747577488,0.2262854320397281,0.0,0.02693092403099937,0.0,0.0,0.06406389659454452,0.0,0.05166776426062419,0.0,0.021873167954590867,0.07949532779778863,0.0,0.05779609234092425,0.05481647641059912,0.027515609599338974,0.020616082951701916,0.021582695461063332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704923368256076,0.02074931098204068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.017150497486964313,0.03308272513688214,0.0,0.02049441591675777,0.1053715128988996,0.02967081928037145,0.0244698277660169,0.0986702673617916,0.11472672012908496,0.08763426251327748,0.028079566644564333,0.10087094833317288,0.02687457388258796,0.12421021431172725,0.11148038819225528,0.0,0.0,0.25885044253159656,0.020490934858712586,0.0,0.0,0.04642199970633137,0.023930984882307826,0.1863539007958196,0.0,0.0,0.07465490658745362,0.0,0.05638140363733728,0.0,0.0,0.018338404878398717,0.028224910945606512,0.0,0.04987250196000486 bpd,roseglass03,2020/02/21,"Weight loss advice.. I (19f) have gained over 70 pounds in the last 2 years, and about a year ago found out I have BPD. My husband is supportive as he can be, but he does not understand what its like. I make goals and have these big dreams of losing all the weight but when my emotions are unbearably exhausting it's a full time job just doing basic things throughout my day. I don't know how to get out of this rut I've been in for the past year. Advice and support very much appreciated ♡",3.79925714285714,4.70671424,4.259428571428575,89.96900000000002,71.6,7.7142857142857135,23.285714285714285,7.957251820313856,0.8361714285714283,384,9,86,5,7,121,79,100,0.078,0.748,0.174,0.8838,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,4,4,6,0,0,5,0,10,3,0,2,1,15,17,8,0,0,4,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,3,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,2,7,3,11,14,3,16,0,2,0,0,3,7,0,0,10,51,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34118036490152626,0.15474794812261786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198678956812273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125847913574192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276953165956975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19637051489276192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19140968613121986,0.0,0.0,0.09120690244516476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323622446390768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594045571976953,0.14229985057542432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528728344291618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953019230691529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165284691876598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833084087659755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664916143640732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962055059662422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597818195647687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101794602295744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817360821239513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440405579552096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4251644398208332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33725681201601093 bpd,stlvng,2020/02/21,"Had a little meltdown in front of girl I'm seeing, now she wants space. I met this girl almost two months ago on an app. We met on the basis of mental health, I was actually having a bad episode the day we met, and we started talking because of my mental health. I have been doing really well the past two months, and we really like each other. She tells me that I am perfect just the way i am and that she completely understands my mental health. She is the president of a mental health advocacy group on campus. &#x200B; Last night we were hanging out and I had a bit of a meltdown. I didn't hurt her or lash out or say anything bad, but I was feeling really bad and told her this. I told her that I felt really bad and hated myself. I paced around the room for a bit and went to the bathroom a couple of times. I ended up leaving early (we were going to stay up for a long time). &#x200B; Her texts got short and long between, and today she told me she needs space. I tried explaining myself the best i could, but she said she still needs time to think and needs space. &#x200B; I am heartbroken right now. Things were going incredibly well until tonight. I didn't think for a second things were bad until yesterday.",3.591526965562057,5.139025181069961,4.4999523500108305,85.57961013645226,72.90946502057615,7.255707169157461,23.489062161576786,7.85451343220497,1.1160748971193415,961,26,191,13,19,311,122,243,0.12300000000000001,0.8029999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.9547,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,6,0,0,2,7,12,1,0,18,0,19,4,0,0,1,38,44,16,0,5,5,0,2,1,0,0,4,2,1,2,8,20,0,0,6,0,0,5,2,7,2,3,21,5,40,5,24,22,4,46,0,1,1,0,32,16,0,3,24,134,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.07635049498866238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935462254791931,0.0,0.07834558751215315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543174938560233,0.2852087776934901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438446666276679,0.06964976934925204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32663369697067324,0.047694091230314685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210755962834082,0.0,0.17083460556730934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203265852449967,0.0,0.0,0.06246789821186089,0.0865705516880577,0.0,0.05045802418680863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929700076327111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0395602571492399,0.0,0.07512221829495608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893065573885685,0.0,0.06257529937330063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724533779041018,0.0,0.3326598465278056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375703493996273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377565935455144,0.0,0.08284436526143822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038223882274897314,0.07841656321578187,0.0,0.13847904380351525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153881759972749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490009262545428,0.0,0.0,0.1740408601407299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342249871440103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468848427115272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20048898515100752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681613103593892,0.07442370960125087,0.06221921447648784,0.0,0.0,0.06234677561942665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05537834195561642,0.08339292876629363,0.06248218963946123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288597046807065,0.06838479767422072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395773425069034,0.1002654631646308,0.0,0.0,0.1368662972004541,0.0,0.07416192603139506,0.22428367108530392,0.0,0.05311950502039388,0.0,0.15285730411618526,0.08145010988486306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04614770184779597,0.062102897079497475,0.0,0.0,0.140693467129,0.07252882806003648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852087776934901,0.0 bpd,pearlsandwhiskey,2020/02/21,"Need Advice for Rebuilding Quickly I (31f) was diagnosed with BPD at 16 and wholeheartedly rejected it. Had found for years that I could cope with the monster under my bed well enough as long as I ignored it. Have cyclically destroyed my life and rebuilt it over the last decade and a half, but have spiraled since the birth of my kid (17 months) and finally got help. I’m on depakote to stabilize mood as of 2 days ago, and will begin talk therapy next week. I’m a single mom and had a horrible job that at least paid the bills, but I walked out on it in a fit last week (I was in sales and was being triggered by continuous sexual assault from prospects over the phone). This has effectively fucked us: bills are covered through the end of the month, but I won’t be able to pay her childcare March 1, and I can’t work if she’s not in daycare. I have had at least 1 interview daily (sometimes several) and some promising leads, but even if I’m offered something tomorrow, it wouldn’t pay in time to catch us up. I vacillate between blissful denial and gut-wrenching anxiety over this. Aside from applying for temporary assistance from the government, does anyone have suggestions to getting back on my feet quickly?",9.781465517241381,7.406365250000004,9.12351724137931,70.97320689655173,60.293103448275865,13.073103448275864,42.165517241379305,11.602472056035307,4.747617586206896,966,44,181,22,10,308,149,232,0.111,0.792,0.098,-0.3182,1,1,1,0,1,0,27.0,2,0,0,3,5,8,3,0,12,0,19,4,1,3,0,29,29,19,0,5,7,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,9,13,0,1,2,0,6,3,4,5,1,1,9,0,17,2,37,14,5,42,0,1,0,1,12,17,1,3,22,122,26,7,0.15391154550829975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040058096542333,0.13643329860184927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774191103942375,0.0,0.0,0.10761853124108367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834847810315555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19384620363863006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288584519193566,0.0,0.0,0.0992602140683804,0.0,0.0,0.15621697887834332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468903066591534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631994595335856,0.15903176965956706,0.0,0.10165712423387514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860257496743267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875606546029587,0.0,0.1422887437248201,0.08041243006331109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123097123030248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316366463807476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527334599759181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509169037791953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871227629767144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620687446096094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18025934191823115,0.24570145444585745,0.0,0.0,0.11412346078829247,0.0,0.0,0.1636866747364911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738762372447046,0.0,0.12731722092249154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848862717006685,0.15222245401573672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370827021384685,0.0,0.0,0.17601126581293744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974705990975172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702732772354391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469171160108965,0.0,0.1383849634454985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204943820770216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911398911910774 bpd,NoCreativeInput,2020/02/21,"First time working in 4 years after being on disability and having 22 jobs total Last night on 2. 20. 2020 I just completed my first shift of a new job (after going though training already) and am on my way to my second shift. ⠀ I haven’t worked in 4 years due to my mental health and this is a big deal for so many reasons especially taking into consideration yesterday was the anniversary of my moms death. ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ I have been on disability for 3 years. And have had 22 jobs in my 10 years of working, frequently getting fired and sometimes quitting because of my symptoms of assuming everyone hates me. I didn’t think given my mental health and how bad things have been at times and the things I am still currently working on—interpersonal effectiveness and distress tolerance and mooooood swings would allow me to have a job anytime soon or honestly ever again (my therapist and I were kind of weary, but due to dire financial circumstances I need a job) but I feel given yesterday I can handle the tasks of the job and fit perfectly into my abilities and what I can handle. I don’t know what the future holds, like I could legit get fired today or next week which has been my pattern but regardless, this is a victory. ⠀⠀ ⠀So yup, I’ve got 90 million diagnoses but I also have 90 million reasons to smile today. ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ #RisingAboveMentalillness #Warrior⠀⠀ 🖤💪🏾⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀",3.497683284457477,5.0694318100358435,5.385299771912674,79.04037390029329,73.19354838709677,8.656956663408277,28.4524275008146,9.218907990703514,2.5282673835125444,1101,44,213,25,22,379,147,279,0.083,0.8290000000000001,0.08800000000000001,0.3299,7,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,9,9,7,1,1,10,1,25,4,0,5,3,39,37,22,1,4,7,1,3,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,7,14,0,1,8,0,0,1,3,3,0,5,10,3,26,4,26,24,1,42,0,0,0,0,2,12,0,3,29,127,33,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093508093501629,0.07924407086661908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273792552077616,0.060405742037527466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389638384248988,0.0,0.0,0.07911713270288251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215980289774836,0.0,0.10057659146223917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963465210909245,0.0,0.09468693241534644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05010404070297807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685757075144595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354326635982232,0.0,0.056316433663119225,0.0,0.07925315892091296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783312414187287,0.0,0.2106609472708629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5900028633344064,0.0,0.0,0.10318937436877364,0.05445853271492981,0.08077344442188758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048411488987606215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046403189529506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19972344906394385,0.0,0.0,0.11605569586313005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347567962442655,0.0,0.09570395400891296,0.10538577772397822,0.09299140423235057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053968510578608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037667618899628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800481150543297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913523314817257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299483413060476,0.07450507210621136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505378964632047,0.1316650326269693,0.06349434014738367,0.09735767469887266,0.0,0.11556302579004182,0.0,0.18785581430729714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865484977272919,0.0794858602450705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885614777882968,0.0,0.0,0.070392321810961,0.0,0.0,0.2552487511511408 bpd,Mannenan,2020/02/21,"DAE care deeply about people they are close to, but are completely unmoved by the plights of others? I care a lot about my family, girlfriends and close friends, ridiculously so, it’s overwhelming etc But I just feel nothing at all when I hear about the news around the world. In the Uk recently a famous celebrity killed herself, flooding has ruined people’s homes, then there were the Aussie fires. I couldn’t care less. It’s the same with people in public, I almost just can’t see them as human or having their own distinct lives and feelings and personalities. I only recently admitted this to my therapist and we will be talking more about it, but I was interested to see if this was widespread amongst the bpd community? Thanks",5.2908080808080795,7.485507185185185,5.104511784511782,80.32484848484847,69.74074074074073,8.16835016835017,29.309764309764308,8.841846274778883,2.468481481481481,590,23,103,11,11,182,94,135,0.091,0.746,0.163,0.8661,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,3,0,10,10,2,1,9,0,11,0,0,0,2,26,21,13,1,2,7,0,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,2,6,9,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,6,14,6,15,15,7,11,0,2,2,0,13,7,0,4,4,77,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146677848115173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435450832126885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20308646117124848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4932098548083354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16906566818636304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17983436529408792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201045076471986,0.0,0.16306386819252194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457995811936308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173843880116436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174509040729096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17839724066290966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238511342425691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708745202141998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472199528874378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263652103382583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353675932648089,0.1407957072426721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31842628565885434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569878745601194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960519393086564,0.0,0.1484556767425573,0.0,0.1872215865897482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HateMyself_ImAwesome,2020/02/21,"DAE feel like they're just built to be alone? I don't get it. I'm in recovery, I'm taking meds that work, I'm kicking bad habits and my body is repairing itself. The therapy is working, finally. I realised just today that I haven't had to feel like the sky is falling down on top of me in... Weeks, months maybe? I'm still stressed and anxious, I still struggle in the evenings as I run out of energy, but overall things are okay. I'm not spending days locked up in a room without so much as eating or sleeping or taking a shit. I've actually been getting work done. But even through all of that, even with how far I've come, I can't shake the feeling I'll never stop feeling like an alien around people. Putting on the mask, saying the words I'm meant to say, laughing when I should. I mirror people excellently and I know how to be kind, so on the surface level sure, I get along with people. But no one sticks around, even now when I'm getting better. Or when they do, I still disconnect. My partner is incredible, but I'm still just totally losing interest lately, finding all the flaws and burying them because I know they don't matter. I'd be happier living alone, I'm always happier when no one else is around. I was kicked out of home because this disorder was too unbearable for my parents. My partner's roommate is barely putting up with my ass here because he knows my only other option is the street. I crave real friends, but I'll never be able to see them when they're there. I'll push them away no matter what. So... Eternal loneliness it is, I guess. I hope I'm not the only one in this boat.",2.394984133700021,4.293003177914116,3.7432176856357096,88.24769938650309,77.03680981595092,6.45974190818701,25.65855722445525,7.372421405659032,1.2362457372540727,1260,47,258,16,29,413,173,326,0.134,0.6990000000000001,0.168,0.9582,1,2,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,5,7,29,18,1,3,13,1,24,5,4,2,6,54,52,24,0,2,14,1,4,3,3,1,0,2,2,2,11,14,1,1,9,0,1,7,12,6,0,3,6,7,28,12,35,41,4,51,0,1,1,1,12,24,2,6,23,162,39,4,0.09265505556484467,0.0,0.0904179685788389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919253885249398,0.0,0.0,0.07709642867169661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046738395752478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474479303957049,0.0,0.0,0.08705247472108994,0.0,0.07736310119238883,0.1694449856375877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194586711388059,0.0,0.10291887914546057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981412612981036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059754845677826116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619072093487154,0.0,0.0,0.09481829099102283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480925320281608,0.0774014096873783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24479116139975585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18739672026602675,0.1985783706266416,0.0,0.10149908442795114,0.08468504219840603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158506608859608,0.0,0.19363376934496432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206998972800604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929405753629986,0.09202737652823684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648598222668904,0.15276238619819618,0.0,0.10451893844729496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357997398840486,0.0,0.08181611158306745,0.0,0.0,0.10365730693172212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308445700080227,0.0,0.10291887914546057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395638137106625,0.0,0.06811212686749282,0.0,0.1429225817091964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883563907472728,0.14093668990754685,0.0,0.0,0.10288247421820047,0.0,0.0,0.19270604750751935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862878446814723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546173800596104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736603817357066,0.0,0.0,0.07383408319469757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095109083048387,0.0,0.0,0.09272196993787277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959777882459979,0.07746377527096042,0.10613605310077433,0.09686318164575182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732629334232449,0.0,0.139330141441646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105959131006562,0.0,0.06155590183404835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782615880419102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432229670732236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931616716114191,0.0,0.20236195190277814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chisalcuya,2020/02/21,"Got dumped again. At least I'm welcome with my vices. Long term relationship, we were on and off for the past 3.5 years. And I got my ass dumped again yesterday. Why? Because I was needy and yet wanted him to need me. Apparently in normal humans, that's weird? Anyway after a very quiet brain and mental breakdown yesterday which included me deleting my social media accounts for the nth time since 2019, quitting every group I belong to, throwing out my very important class and choir notes (midterms are next week lol), and getting drunk and smoking.. I'm surprised I'm still as sane as I am today. I quit drinking and smoking and having my piercings for the guy. Hell I didn't mind quitting those at all. And damn sure I regret so many things about the breakup but damn.. I guess now I get to be my good ol' mentally ill self again. Right now I'm on the high of going ""fuck this, fuck that, fuck everything, fuck you!"" And in no time at all (probably in about 2 hours, I can feel it coming already), I'm gonna be sobbing in my bed again because it's all my fault and I'm unlovable as fuck. :"") Is it so hard that I need to be understood? That when I say I don't want to meet, it means that I'm lonely and isolating myself because I actually need everyone to be around me?? Apparently yeah lol. Fuck I'm so good at hurting myself, it almost hurts lol. Fuck why can't I just be a normal person who says what they actually feel deep down inside?? That when im so unbelievably lonely and depressed, I can just say it and say exactly why I'm feeling that way. That I can just say what I need from people or what I need from myself. That I can ask to go out because I'm sad and alone in my room without feeling pathetic and like a trash begging to be taken out. Why can't I just have a normal, functioning noggin for once?",2.3417504747749973,4.2731151525885585,3.7303789943027006,88.12571629097515,77.31062670299727,6.519329535133349,23.92775163074891,7.463857097105799,1.0365920072661217,1419,47,293,19,33,466,190,367,0.239,0.6759999999999999,0.085,-0.9967,2,5,1,0,0,1,52.0,1,1,1,3,22,29,12,0,9,4,21,12,2,0,5,56,62,28,0,11,7,0,5,1,0,1,1,7,2,4,23,24,2,0,6,3,1,4,6,23,0,0,7,12,40,6,40,48,5,49,1,8,0,8,20,21,12,3,24,176,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.14696954384371766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540498107143273,0.07799109858054308,0.08309862730684711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703554987822781,0.07039805027944564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18361580584908813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406294524962545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486678419099362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485828104254593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376817799812982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344594457369335,0.07195515199540471,0.06767739473307148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230164384467518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4873142506077817,0.07868531886047403,0.0,0.08559275162265365,0.12632100663689316,0.12045322307528875,0.0,0.08295463869760515,0.0745617142608734,0.0,0.0,0.0674566111628539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956165270058027,0.0,0.0,0.07415819201922659,0.0,0.1612266327894347,0.0,0.0813400585761185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036789195294096175,0.0,0.0,0.06664070057024195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634532559770109,0.0,0.08202693847347646,0.0,0.0,0.15177523199720155,0.0,0.07603446679412289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791807465126195,0.0,0.0,0.08008549290645052,0.0,0.22134257337820226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019513534899536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188514275735874,0.052205552250400564,0.06575159137650086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118926703422485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24028172349396704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084713778250936,0.0,0.06430826873625517,0.0,0.2994194592740274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855735203075552,0.0,0.0,0.06229134051059144,0.0,0.0,0.076761827710618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060136996564540274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097209603251252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05002790349990256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781945801450018,0.0,0.07137834824138457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426556464145233,0.08883120785285797,0.05977194028999047,0.06040344754576256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717966336816115,0.0,0.0,0.07258931245561294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048492601400245625 bpd,xxxxbv,2020/02/21,"out of words so, my boyfriend has been aware of him having bpd for four years now and we have been together for just under a year. the problem is that i sometimes can’t find the right words to support him anymore. it was fine during our honeymoon period but now it’s slowly going downhill due to the lack of kind, reassuring words he needs so much. i’m just out of them. i don’t know what to say. it all comes down to me asking ‘what can i do for you?’ and him replying with a ‘no clue’ or an exhausted sigh. any ideas on how to communicate better in this situation? thanks in advance.",1.5767366946778694,3.746798487394962,3.2506092436974825,89.42000350140059,80.93277310924371,6.655742296918768,21.68137254901961,7.793537801064563,0.9168481792717084,456,14,98,8,12,151,88,119,0.063,0.777,0.16,0.9111,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,1,2,7,9,0,0,6,0,11,1,0,1,1,22,19,7,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,7,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,2,1,1,3,1,11,6,20,16,3,17,0,0,0,0,10,8,0,1,6,71,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745555442268505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22962606794752166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21645921433090676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20477885328068135,0.0,0.0,0.29161729238136724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19945173320026688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21162392250137327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315898643152447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26138116506645104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411139145136312,0.1272486637494227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702089894911963,0.17168442820946125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22155309318545446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977344155182507,0.0,0.18413038614725474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602613464093606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22899958341443666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627495399418839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21317148489678386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982091225053074 bpd,arrowandbone,2020/02/21,"Need practical advice - dealing with BPD while PMSing I’ve been working on my BPD for a very long time (DBT on and off for many years) and when things are going well I can utilise the skills I’ve learned through DBT and other therapies to manage my emotions/impulsivity/reactiveness... but this all goes out the window when I’m PMSing. For 3-4 days a month, I’m a mess. Little things set me off into explosive anger and frustration, and then I fall into a deep spiral of despair. My emotions are so heightened, I’m completely incapable of using any of my learned skills. It’s starting to affect my relationship. I’m (obv) aware that PMS is an intense time for a lot of women regardless, but wanting to kill myself or harm myself or screaming at my partner for leaving his razor in the sink is unacceptable. Especially when I’m doing so well otherwise :( How does everyone else deal with PMS???",5.983652501344807,6.906145278106513,6.810102205486821,73.60185583647123,66.63313609467455,9.932436793975256,33.11511565357719,10.018931242160765,3.4094804733727813,708,30,125,16,11,235,110,169,0.228,0.742,0.03,-0.9918,0,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,3,8,9,3,0,9,0,7,2,0,3,1,25,17,17,1,3,4,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,2,6,10,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,1,1,12,2,24,16,2,26,0,1,0,0,6,11,0,3,12,79,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16151425322381555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239923415041557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4163404771443381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329781748002093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659492966836498,0.3408024460833753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464171657984576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807412149204218,0.1859229916541936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579365722327198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093935079173426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18286298325962536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17501258582320792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565864747051334,0.0,0.14627171963896665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051910416857427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757269905651614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319286357675417,0.0,0.0,0.12255647834748755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774538648325195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169893304592146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18901740920329746,0.0,0.2196155626290247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19275762456913706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275287462391711,0.0,0.1363771514740726,0.09748917267570108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.297221511843005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032919833219036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064378996001773 bpd,houruponthisstage,2020/02/21,"How to help my best friend? Hey everyone, recently my best friend told me she has BPD. I would really like advice on how to be their for her, and how to help her. I love her but I find it so hard to help her and it’s difficult to understand her emotions. She is getting Profesional help, but I want to know how I can help on a friendship level. Is their anything that anyone can suggest I do? All suggestions are really appreciated, especially from those who have BPD",2.4699154589371983,4.76028075,4.301014492753623,82.4333574879227,78.45652173913044,8.43671497584541,24.352657004830927,9.150863307647796,2.1399164251207727,367,13,74,10,9,124,58,92,0.049,0.605,0.345,0.9838,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,2,5,7,0,0,1,0,10,1,0,4,1,14,16,9,0,2,2,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,18,6,10,13,3,4,0,0,0,1,22,3,0,0,2,56,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978506913126148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433356403134275,0.0,0.13455899984869346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431980313349612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118831037807209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839324857193211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624569106968778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494498445588162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526627305589189,0.0,0.08542989404830006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647741733673816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5480036440091504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898636259685853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798852213249561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475787672216924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950392789539196,0.0,0.16145144056641736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624569106968778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17022499201676813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964454460495842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615643982538468,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nonreanon,2020/02/21,"Random topics I wish I had someone to talk about I have many thing on my mind I wish I had someone to talk about. I often write these as texts in my mind, but never actually put them down anywhere, since it feels pointless. - I haven't been able to love/like animals in years. Had cats, depression and trauma, and now it hurts, as I feel completely emotionally retarded as I can't do something so basic, comforting and fulfilling. - I want to write stuff on social media (Fabo and Twitter maybe), but I feel like I'd have nothing meaningful to say. And I do. But I don't want to argue. But I want the acceptance and support. But it feels like too much. But I feel all left out, since I don't. - I still don't have any proper hobbies or ways to express myself. I just lay on sofa on my phone and wish I did stuff. - I live my br, but have many problems with him. Like, his body, as he's gained a lot of weight but doesn't want to do anything about it, and still he thinks he's in good shape. He really isn't. I'm not either, but I've started going to the gym. And how he argues hurts me. I try to talk, and he loves and supports me, but his triggers conflict with mine in a bad way sometimes. We are really good together, and the dark times are like 5-10 % only, but I still wish I had someone to talk to. And so on.",2.4262637362637385,3.5903946300366307,3.9598534798534817,89.8268131868132,75.22710622710623,7.104761904761905,23.62271062271062,7.62386473244151,0.8907611721611719,1006,29,226,13,21,335,137,273,0.13,0.664,0.20600000000000002,0.9549,0,0,1,0,0,0,46.0,1,0,1,1,13,19,2,0,5,0,22,3,1,2,2,61,42,32,0,9,15,0,6,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,8,17,1,1,8,1,0,2,9,8,0,0,6,7,36,11,33,36,4,25,0,3,0,1,24,13,0,4,12,145,44,0,0.09066559661472176,0.0,0.08847654362642264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061655714753795575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461006080442754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570198606879205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070903874328994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506115306537427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780901455106597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019865929358816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22921624922385736,0.12954304067480002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05152734794564028,0.1520920016806659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19411879273306196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850843600585056,0.0,0.0,0.17717852323909053,0.0,0.08005938288153129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708064800941948,0.16365848153203025,0.0,0.0,0.18384136887847274,0.09108577808394623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183092813449174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664964562907183,0.0,0.06992689746600947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869960852164884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895527177375121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675473130400686,0.0,0.09114396660361346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161654056333518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210092147861225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499990368642429,0.0,0.0,0.09242215796089573,0.2304619973720161,0.06979880579429387,0.08967059336526233,0.0,0.06417357593716483,0.0,0.21721698772212725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20758083313982925,0.0,0.20577248920491345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914942888286129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023419370824695,0.05809485339437711,0.0,0.0,0.052867838499458274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155598865532901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21390767179188375,0.14393226091323494,0.0,0.11040627122279267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4170438464931861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058385671631530425 bpd,tinydottie,2020/02/21,I've spent the last two hours pouring over my boyfriend's ex's Pinterest. It's healthy because I could have done something crazier like making a fake IG since she has a private account. /s,4.3404504504504535,6.2731207027027045,3.890270270270271,89.1382882882883,71.70270270270271,6.014414414414415,36.65765765765766,6.42735559955562,2.3019981981981985,154,9,29,1,3,46,33,37,0.11900000000000001,0.7340000000000001,0.147,0.25,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,3,1,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23717472529354994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31064239229379675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981558150094552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.383157620643664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171456693615872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19008096274281286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597086308296094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32184444047064314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995266911842245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38006688226638896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lorithewhori,2020/02/21,"Doing good! I remember first stumbling on this subreddit and seeing all of the different perspectives and how everybody responds to bpd. I was lightly diagnosed in highschool and it's been a few years since then. Learning about having a ""fp"" was just life changing. Just being able to recognize my own behaviors and pinpoint exactly what I can do to help myself was just amazing. A lot of my relationships were horrible overthinking messes and I still overthink but further in my head I can still tell myself everything will be ok. Some days I still have tantrums but it's always short lived and meaningless in the long run. I can actually live without thinking I'm just crazy all of the time and being able to calm myself down is a life saver. Thanks for the advice and open arms!",5.176250000000003,7.457937458333337,5.396944444444448,77.74250000000002,70.25,8.966666666666667,31.44444444444445,9.516144504307137,3.2618861111111097,630,28,106,15,12,199,97,144,0.084,0.8059999999999999,0.11,0.4468,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,9,7,1,0,8,1,17,5,2,1,3,25,21,12,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,5,2,13,5,15,12,6,18,0,0,1,0,4,8,0,2,9,83,17,2,0.3361393893680191,0.0,0.1640117776666653,0.0,0.0,0.16423576047966615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984744975962168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21167789689592853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777954517294533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839104901225556,0.0,0.0,0.1705872022649899,0.0,0.17559705913375542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105020438551411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295999643977522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409688858882928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17248799485388405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112653573589577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374251915333804,0.0,0.0,0.2968172391710563,0.1487363909504921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428868441911868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804439537632543,0.19039020084807376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392978660643026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902898822691528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026620258373758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469003211254843,0.15473599398941734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107692273996682,0.0,0.0,0.09800279055092774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620131880943441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823137299511028 bpd,AdditionalCondition,2020/02/21,"Just got diagnosed today at age 22, am really scared. Could use some support ❤️ Hi guys, I got diagnosed today. I had a lot of trauma in my past and I guess it lead to this. I'm scared of what this signifies for my future and my relationship with my partner. I've never heard anything positive about bpd and now that I got diagnosed, I just worry a lot about having a good future. Any advice would be well appreciated ❤️ Btw I have a therapist and a psychiatrist.",2.733829787234044,4.512465946808515,5.311648936170212,77.90875,75.70212765957447,8.955319148936171,24.51595744680851,9.516144504307137,2.299174468085106,365,12,72,10,8,130,63,94,0.156,0.7290000000000001,0.115,-0.6136,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,2,5,0,7,3,0,2,1,16,15,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,2,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,5,1,10,3,9,7,3,11,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,4,8,48,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162663180125135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551834869738123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768857588841348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19542641894410065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238875985910375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4724713332643825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014606133031031,0.3723017962369122,0.0,0.170933082042415,0.1536389504080248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638335384467285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967375254035442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481237119164145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940345211421106,0.0,0.0,0.16659044813453042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31069690513356824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760807846844036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18015993781788944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941588619407461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401379213992035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395130641417145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575788257007997,0.0,0.11022562889326937,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kurasasu,2020/02/21,"Feel like they haven't felt happiness in decades? I either feel neutral or extremely depressed and suicidal, I might giggle at a meme or something similar but never feel true happiness for a long period or more than a milisecond for like years now . Does anyone else feel like this ?",8.126470588235293,8.745160470588239,7.467450980392157,71.80352941176474,61.941176470588246,11.505882352941176,36.607843137254896,11.20814326018867,4.414654901960786,228,10,37,6,3,71,39,51,0.23800000000000002,0.595,0.168,-0.6409999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,8,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,14,7,5,1,0,5,0,5,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,3,7,5,5,2,7,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,4,8,23,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148447433823431,0.21752986389725645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285655835700035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18578808627047755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17735220102509713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4293877971770825,0.3033391015216041,0.2038445030263592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520017130783986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111620688091819,0.0,0.0,0.18788177788400265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252202970544606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16374142631699806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344148575355125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23222539917031826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671639234487334 bpd,Ebonyrose2828,2020/02/21,"Struggling this week. Just so overwhelmed with everything that’s going on. Started a new role in my job and not really had proper training but gotta do it on my own from now on. Looking for a place to live with my partner. Just so stressful. Also going on holiday soon and this always makes me nervous. I’m a bad flyer and I always think something is going to go wrong. I just want to cry all the time. Iv not had a day off from work in two weeks. But I get the next two day’s off. So need to use this time to relax and try get a grip. I really hate this disorder. Why can’t I cope like a normal person.",-0.07906976744185812,2.044786829457365,2.3081860465116293,93.83158139534883,87.68217054263565,4.990387596899224,17.902325581395353,6.42735559955562,-0.11684744186046506,467,12,104,5,15,159,83,129,0.22899999999999998,0.68,0.091,-0.9756,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,9,9,1,4,8,0,5,1,0,2,1,20,21,10,0,3,7,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,1,2,0,4,3,7,0,2,2,2,9,2,18,18,2,24,0,1,1,0,3,9,0,0,12,67,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229439644888374,0.25584412531532125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836453839212472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688736188564766,0.19829616610254064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17619669667110996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816951072807648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16064318154259088,0.0,0.3494906581500763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517841273017832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256092198197374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510846323079534,0.0,0.13575318510411866,0.0,0.1291009285792391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262109296962446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399453924752792,0.0,0.14848080612766132,0.1635017632541027,0.0,0.15063028153680227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423780932932536,0.1606231507233026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19697658470556775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835477444362195,0.0,0.0,0.10881631883026724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610598919971046,0.16071999968342435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850889555461263,0.0,0.0,0.1792913511834538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437779085256513,0.0,0.3003587422962741,0.0,0.0,0.13277999162862822,0.0,0.0,0.09067846490562166,0.0,0.24663818182140215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13872434082844215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192285962240724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808801529347242,0.0,0.0 bpd,freshaf69,2020/02/21,"Post breakup with FP - how do you feel about them? Hi all, I am curious how you feel towards your FP after a breakup. If your FP initiated the break up because perhaps you were too hard to handle - even if you didn’t want to believe it. Do you paint them black or do you grieve, and for how long do you grieve? The general consensus about BPD is that a lot of people struggling with it move on to someone very quick. During that time, do you ever think about the ex? I am asking because I dated a girl with bpd. I have read through these forums and noticed some people grieving for 3-4 months and others mentioning they don’t even feel like the relationship happened. A lot of people who are NON BPD seem to think once they are split black they basically were like nothing to them. Can anyone with BPD explain, as I’m sure it differs but would like to understand more, as it can be very difficult for a non to deal with losing their love one only to be replaced or not even remembered after. Hope you all continue moving forward, coming from someone who needs his own help!",6.2945714285714285,6.195894028571428,6.294047619047621,81.10678571428573,65.85714285714286,9.095238095238095,31.785714285714285,8.59863814320734,2.3325714285714283,846,30,166,11,12,268,123,210,0.07200000000000001,0.815,0.114,0.8832,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,11,7,1,12,12,0,1,9,0,20,1,0,3,4,39,36,13,3,6,6,1,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,10,9,0,0,9,1,0,4,3,6,0,1,3,6,23,6,30,30,7,18,0,4,2,1,31,4,0,9,13,118,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723676110299163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326593876184224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467175928347005,0.0,0.0,0.12445149754859645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5564860530429953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951522000588783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388023654891155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540802771125383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21887495382964933,0.09991811941316717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675569014073693,0.0789132190229961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097680122410017,0.0,0.09895118188320838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403954716971929,0.0,0.0,0.10971250036699884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16189670480604848,0.0,0.0,0.09775433377509528,0.0,0.12357738266394284,0.0,0.18781964749681992,0.0996951864865434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881687583023233,0.2348047025838427,0.0,0.08190528504246124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599011866744697,0.12576035521118134,0.0,0.1176371490840132,0.07485109818615067,0.08401041747865627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297388353932324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579091413422546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049069426609544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859356255149653,0.12513055562444692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005593655271442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871861581588136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547761386632055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410799863917393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155764342533736,0.0,0.0,0.0644105819509563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499359049590688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228346008918775,0.06515264296284108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846818446862945,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,janelane27,2020/02/21,"I’m in a caring relationship but I still feel unloveable My partner is so sweet and loving, I adore him and he adores me. But I can’t shake the notion that I’m worthless, that he’s too good for me. I’m so scared I’ll hurt him and he’ll have to leave me. I do my best to be healthy, I try not to voice my insecurities because I truly don’t think it’s healthy to put that shit onto him, he isn’t and shouldn’t be a therapist to me. But when he calls me beautiful as we’re laying in bed together, I can’t help but look away as I grab the blanket and curl my body into a tiny ball. When he tells me I’m kind and a good person, my eyes water and all I can think of is that I’m not. He expresses so much sweetness and tenderness all the time to me, but all I can think of is how unloveable and undeserving I am of the happiness he gives me. I can’t shake myself. I’m trying to unlearn these beliefs but it’s harder than I thought. But I want to get past this because I think this is the best, healthiest and happiest relationship I’ve been in, and I want to be well to be with him.",2.1539495798319344,2.7888236386554617,4.19857142857143,89.89642857142859,75.21848739495798,7.616806722689077,24.504201680672267,7.928766900206844,1.000968067226891,838,25,204,12,17,289,111,238,0.11,0.58,0.31,0.9963,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,9,23,1,4,9,0,20,6,3,1,3,36,40,26,0,3,9,0,2,0,1,2,1,1,1,2,9,13,1,0,7,1,0,3,8,9,1,0,2,7,34,14,24,32,6,14,1,2,2,1,22,6,1,0,5,131,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400082041903175,0.0,0.0,0.1816811314032664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31277237798707697,0.0,0.0,0.16552645393026727,0.0,0.0,0.15216500411744552,0.0,0.15193474597519674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534845608830608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785624820962922,0.14295255075565586,0.0,0.24998004174708954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586334379022012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988425761978734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595278626590464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518029951910006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778954607187134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513838238312006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449541591128555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954607088258256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422554448060563,0.0,0.13011759480734542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498051989900464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31998115619990364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919396046657854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296580553805206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900672193786828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024912616784445,0.0,0.0,0.1730224807286593,0.0,0.38194129122737575,0.0,0.11830439671777075,0.08689414518273768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20234816353000398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757904693661328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398592797171285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Generalprivateparts,2020/02/21,"Anyone go through periods of stability? Am I bipolar instead? For my entire life at one point or another I have struggled with emotional regulation, suicidal thoughts, self harm, depression, anger issues, eating disorders, you name it. While I struggle with those issues a lot, I go through periods where I feel very stable and in control of my emotions. Few weeks at a time generally, where things are okay, I can get stuff done, have healthy relationships, etc. It doesn't feel manic in nature, I just feel mostly what i imagined a normal person feels like. Not entirely, but a marked improvement over how I usually am. But then something will trigger me and I'll spiral again and start displaying textbook BPD symptoms, like the DSM entry could be my biography and I feel like I could have written every post here. That's how I feel the majority of the year, but then I'll have a few weeks of stability sprinkled in here and there. Is this typical at all of BPD? I know cycling is usually part of bipolar, but I don't feel manic at any time, and mood stabilizers don't seem to help at all. However I also have had a paranoid episode involving hallucinations, which again points to bipolar.",6.301506849315068,7.678872940639273,6.8071963470319625,72.26257534246577,66.1689497716895,10.223561643835618,35.60456621004565,10.355215969177356,3.9920560730593615,950,46,162,24,15,310,135,219,0.086,0.823,0.091,0.2721,1,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,0,1,12,10,1,2,9,1,20,6,0,4,2,39,35,17,1,3,7,0,7,3,0,1,5,0,0,2,9,8,1,1,11,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,4,7,20,4,22,27,9,31,0,1,0,0,7,13,0,4,18,116,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966644472162053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624894929610485,0.11757299978731148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840051434708847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824354113410777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575789381383595,0.1790456226807622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657323038658293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850513994631005,0.0,0.0,0.1147429610233494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147320240768056,0.0,0.2522514120452006,0.0,0.0,0.12504918506671991,0.0,0.0,0.0944702777181272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3968569260544048,0.1602044640877025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05858076489391965,0.0,0.1274466172862917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515512687528626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340590583900823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162105202195998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919731183179836,0.1643360589780262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532479584821156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985884397804767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597890581420735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142061469341582,0.0,0.0,0.09790335914271127,0.0,0.0,0.21198902416639312,0.0,0.10738490277074414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038045316132248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207452859438476,0.11697098865832432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631942108189007,0.0,0.0,0.07936276073227076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344351107789613,0.1283564750171651,0.12264671924922925,0.0,0.0,0.11654096641159048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449096973884554,0.0,0.0,0.08901484735535438,0.13076215735190044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469800312534375,0.0925149943101754,0.0,0.0,0.17988006966000908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220492266821918 bpd,metrohoe,2020/02/21,"BPD & LDRs This may be a bit of a narrow post / question but does anyone by chance happen to have tips for being in a long distance relationship? I have a dual diagnosis of BPD AND bipolar and the extremes are wild. If my s/o misses my Facetime or is MIA from my texts, I internalize it to the extreme and it sends me in the spiral of fear of abandonment and suicidal ideation. fights are black and white. or when there’s visits, the highs and lows and me visiting and leaving can send me one way or another. of course these are things that one such as myself works out in therapy, and don’t get me wrong we have a very great understanding of my disorder/streamline of communication and what each other needs, BUT also just looking for a sense of community here and any tips that might make the distance not as difficult :(",5.822125,6.383881962500002,6.432500000000001,77.44250000000002,66.875,9.65,31.0,9.642632912329526,2.7427625000000004,654,24,126,13,10,214,109,160,0.171,0.75,0.079,-0.958,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,1,0,0,1,6,8,1,1,11,0,13,1,0,1,0,29,20,21,1,2,8,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,14,0,1,2,0,0,4,2,7,0,2,0,3,12,1,20,16,2,15,0,3,3,0,8,7,0,7,2,92,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759819755425004,0.0,0.18642948220235955,0.0,0.1170082969289363,0.18042237430073388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030999439062545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878475202900607,0.0,0.4334130080285749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505729202677407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936179777126506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989547523354678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969934613524653,0.0,0.0,0.15215416611727342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817933175709057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218918272075385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226976351919436,0.14448903733453414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485295339528034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825309604712093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758205086929014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331878000658197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478816698561458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927492081105348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847305692468012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18820828189440772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19676829035330134,0.0,0.11431057852193255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791229724026396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196945695062646,0.0,0.13657508302222834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526343861767086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18812316676962995,0.0,0.0 bpd,grapefruit_tears,2020/02/21,"Relatable? My boyfriend has BPD and I don’t always understand it. I feel like a lot of things he says are relatable. Like he gets attached to people, but doesn’t everyone? I guess I don’t understand the extent of it. How is it different than someone with bad anxiety?",2.1056410256410243,4.756979307692311,3.9015384615384616,82.5267948717949,82.84615384615384,8.851282051282054,27.89743589743589,9.2995712137729,3.1577205128205126,212,10,40,7,6,71,39,52,0.14400000000000002,0.787,0.069,-0.7041,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,9,11,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,5,2,5,11,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073536380078764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906366513707047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20807086341344908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31385757897388544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26036005016504266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238120446670914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600256706887572,0.17802790733862242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301962594332088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745209352258686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24349221350135225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118601877791392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727632987469892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817314926622145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21114561306933213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655568280665568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5188501629207405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MsRawrie,2020/02/21,"Any Black People with BPD in this group? I've been joining a lot of BPD groups lately and I do not see many Black folx in them 😔. I'm a Black woman with BPD trying to find her reflection. If you're Black and have BPD, I'd love to connect with you.",-0.4044848484848522,1.497518036363637,1.5013636363636391,100.6253787878788,86.81818181818181,4.393939393939394,14.62121212121212,5.46131890053228,-1.1368787878787885,192,3,48,1,6,63,39,55,0.0,0.9179999999999999,0.08199999999999999,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,10,6,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,8,5,1,3,0,0,5,1,7,2,0,2,1,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004151287483893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8892968199508655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133858161254264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991253336241783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007331659964315,0.15931866004922424,0.0,0.0,0.17896634673101924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237863801331232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066576514641205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984734966092052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,suddenwoven-,2020/02/21,"DAE have hallucinations? Lately I hear things. Daily. I used to have an issue with scent and taste, to the point where my dreams had very determined (and multiple) scents. I hear doors. Last night I heard running water, not dripping but a large amount of water and splashing (not neighbors, wrong texture). I feel so paranoid and I don’t feel comfortable in my skin at all, and I feel like I was doing well. I haven’t been having tantrums or anger. Not terribly depressed. Does anyone else ever.. or is this normal in BPD? I don’t know if I should ask for a blood test for schizophrenia (is that right?)",2.3730364372469595,5.066698894736842,2.73526315789474,91.07107287449392,81.98245614035088,5.2620782726045885,21.049932523616725,6.67199483983844,0.4224434547908236,470,14,91,5,13,144,82,114,0.127,0.6970000000000001,0.17600000000000002,0.6311,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,2,0,4,0,13,5,2,1,2,22,22,10,0,3,7,0,4,1,1,1,0,3,2,0,3,6,3,0,4,1,0,1,6,5,1,0,4,10,13,3,9,17,2,11,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,3,5,59,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761217529976055,0.2016522414201369,0.0,0.0,0.18398817175204604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24787178795958845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695097592139221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222731331866606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440716790223028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802338637649825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985349121308829,0.14059910817829874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4436320521498791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20541559224393688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081600941476034,0.1604241414110386,0.22200710208859933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615006034287904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18469023191165587,0.19282927697141528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860464245557225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16807227964916335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130749963457757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16997823758142128,0.0,0.16238655729356194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769533149068197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21517778580717484,0.0,0.0 bpd,youvenotgotasthma,2020/02/21,"undiagnosed but could i us ""fp""? hi guys, i first of all want to make it clear that im not trying to say i definitly have bpd or anything like that. i think i might but im not diagnosed and im not a professional so theres a good chance i dont have it. this isnt me asking if i have it at all by the way. TL;DR can i use ""fp"" when it most accuratly describes my relationship w someone if im not diagnosed with bpd? but recently, ive discovered that my best friend is what could be considered my fp. if shes not paying attention to me i get depressed, when shes with other people i immediately take it as a sign shes leaving me, im always seeing only good and no bad in her, and i cant even be honest with her when she annoys me because anytime that happens i just ignore the feeling because its her. i want to tell her this. wev been trying to recover from whatever undiagnosed bullshit is happening in us, cause we really similarly have had abandonment problems in the past and tend to get overly involved + obsessive in relationships, and part of that recovery is learning to be honest and open with eachother. i want to stop seeing her as this god. i just want to ask you guys if i should like word what she is to me or if i could tell her i think shes my fp and heres why? again i dont for sure have bpd. but favorite person is the most direct way to describe my relationship with her.",2.864012539184952,4.054773344827588,5.012978056426334,82.60028213166147,74.17241379310343,8.307210031347962,26.630094043887148,8.841846274778883,1.9251724137931039,1090,39,232,22,22,380,141,290,0.15,0.7040000000000001,0.145,-0.67,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,3,1,0,2,10,16,1,1,7,0,30,2,0,3,4,61,49,24,0,14,18,0,1,2,1,2,2,1,0,3,17,14,0,3,5,0,1,0,10,7,0,1,2,4,47,9,29,39,6,17,0,2,2,0,31,7,0,10,10,166,64,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729896595093723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218568266791042,0.0,0.16401180145612956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324212692999328,0.10694599841041587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205621404014043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33143895680580704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011210037658816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21011067316305426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555268555670333,0.17806691264488198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056132251931284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05793790915256537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04435362000889872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461417052320868,0.0,0.0,0.06777187594528249,0.0,0.0916596471296331,0.0,0.0,0.1471499265819702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17371221258315975,0.1551401462574215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4737606185348941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288229555289533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571064355269233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058553454179187864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305653807134312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671464026261917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499168129005436,0.08373819810893131,0.060813663422581085,0.0765932927649267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393572443623105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056195364389386826,0.0,0.08661243371390567,0.28253377737691715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975807527568953,0.0,0.0,0.13980218501472771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432445629067197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333743830618752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826746001998897,0.0,0.06595415480608298,0.0,0.15334143653240054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124142402928165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191115786657927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21103154018733106,0.07576149240625536,0.0,0.0,0.2069569592856322,0.13925532830206594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915321401459394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DippyYolk,2020/02/21,"I'm tired of overreacting over nothing My therapist had to cancel on me (for a valid reason). I wish I didn't care, but honestly I felt uncontrollable waves of anger, rejection, sadness... I was so upset I felt physically ill, my was heart racing, my head hurt, my face was hot and flushed. I sent an ambiguous email in response, saying I won't see him anymore, because I was angry and I also wanted him to worry about me. I regretted it and sent another email an hour later before he responded, apologizing and asking to reschedule. I'm worried if I keep doing things like this, he'll terminate me as a client. I'm just really tired of over-reacting and feeling so upset over little things like this. I feel so embarrassed every time I feel like this. It's not just with my therapist, but anyone I get even remotely close with. It's not always just a short ambiguous email like this, but I've reacted to small, insignificant events with angry outbursts and self destructive meltdowns. People end up leaving me because I'm too much to deal with. I'm just feeling really down about the idea of being like this forever, always feeling so chaotic, emotional, out of control. I don't know if I can take any more heartbreak from people leaving, but I feel like I'll inevitably drive away my current friends and partner like I always do. I'm just tired of being this way. I always try to be optimistic, telling myself I'll be more emotionally stable in the future and working toward my goals, but right now I just need to vent and feel a little self pity. Being optimistic all the time gets exhausting. Anyway, thanks anyone who read this through. I hope everyone here having a rough day has a better day tomorrow, and I'll try to have one too.",6.496087613293049,6.943391259818733,7.0850438066465244,73.7436986404834,65.40483383685799,10.245377643504538,32.86419939577039,10.125756701596842,3.3612536555891235,1381,54,243,30,20,455,176,331,0.245,0.611,0.14400000000000002,-0.9931,1,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,0,0,4,19,26,2,4,11,0,19,8,3,3,1,54,50,23,0,7,15,0,11,7,2,2,5,1,0,3,13,16,0,2,12,1,0,3,5,13,0,1,10,13,35,13,34,33,4,32,0,6,1,0,20,16,0,5,19,153,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074172266025193,0.29442444340493784,0.0,0.0,0.06015608225559605,0.09275840666048356,0.0,0.0,0.08772891297564832,0.1237070893037321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082698500856415,0.0,0.08311142571182635,0.0,0.0,0.107849236001467,0.0,0.07527325597759374,0.0,0.0,0.07823600499408305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019123862197248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921582230828313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409923573996042,0.0911987529739946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990120104232901,0.0783496277706784,0.0,0.0,0.05842723739552288,0.0,0.07453167354544746,0.08452767051494407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313097532593165,0.12639220616599148,0.16987164742740365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834425926845197,0.0,0.09243378024448096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078585624224897,0.0,0.0,0.10482595952618393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786110322866952,0.08711564143989943,0.0,0.09469865128996983,0.09986098568229104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862763773118905,0.0,0.0,0.048615503666996136,0.0,0.0,0.18733350966531528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302520865353675,0.1773210520322774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502854732572783,0.0655922404467769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488010688215643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059943033314468624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265455904962505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848430454366765,0.0,0.11333995112114728,0.09095198921102793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554466914991448,0.0,0.07034723351260251,0.0,0.0,0.07049145862995497,0.0,0.18456690827103653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651118613771116,0.0,0.07731825885584592,0.08144241990710588,0.0,0.2054186058126779,0.11753827283592545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316390148581306,0.3050165327121679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011756352711978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052176215744151454,0.07021572097011049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017250551470164,0.0,0.0,0.06440019994205992,0.17967159110466244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TrashKnife,2020/02/21,"i don't feel pain my arms are a mess, my eating disorder is progressing, but i dont feel the pain the physical pain, it doesn't exist, i don't feel ANYTHING at all when i'm cutting through the skin and flesh or avoid meals for days sometimes i feel something -- not pain -- something when im cutting too hard or when i am about to collapse, but it's not pain. it's something but i can't stop bc that's what's been helping me to get through, you know? i'm having a therapy, i'm taking my medication, but it's always going back to... this. THIS. i need this, bc it works better than any pills or words, better than anything, it's something that's been with me when no one else and nothing else was. it's a medication, it's a therapy on it's own. it's a fucking reminder. that it is NOT gonna change. that I AM not gonna change. sure, i can learn to deal with that, to cope with that. but the thing is i was doing?? okay. i was okay. better than some time before, i was dealing, until this... thing, came. this.. reminder. what i really am. who i really am. it disgusted me. it scared me and so? i fell. i fell and i hurt myself. and i am about to do worse since i am reaching the highest awareness level of who i am and what i need in order to fucking survive. and i will never get that! funny. bc that's how things are. look at me ranting about self-awareness. i've been through this too many times, through realization, through the attempts of accepting myself. am i a hypocrite for believing in change or accepting everything in other people but denying myself? if i am, it's not surprising. i am disgusting after all.",0.5863691997830998,2.9001929154078603,2.550211480362538,91.89543729181193,86.61329305135952,5.449252459524363,22.384460453946858,6.900799576094004,0.7124854132775589,1249,46,266,17,39,416,142,331,0.13699999999999998,0.713,0.15,0.7425,0,1,4,0,0,2,64.0,0,1,0,7,12,24,6,2,12,2,32,15,3,1,4,46,52,25,0,3,16,0,6,0,0,3,8,0,0,0,37,11,2,2,8,0,0,4,12,15,0,1,8,7,37,9,33,41,4,24,0,1,1,2,6,7,2,6,12,190,74,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673770438455804,0.0,0.0,0.06271544038501073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178488609489504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091451573618614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847577868835165,0.10390479695133034,0.0,0.2446937361871523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105479616421071,0.0,0.0,0.29268209407862394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947681056273494,0.19015766123286107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569662294195016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808576857657366,0.0,0.0,0.09436811238273804,0.15408253268983474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288492890850993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865247764412901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051908934833815,0.09636640248367667,0.0,0.052412989309860686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261453388822543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181576169490529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872763313080514,0.0,0.09961767882889723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05068386450201613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744488079118943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350059808922127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858118303216276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676576303558907,0.07112878646935643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849135587691999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249332721431596,0.0,0.4906638619177898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393646658489763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816203252027943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233225060977107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962096807064023,0.0,0.0,0.07628859459203118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839939727382691,0.09121183291677673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710334174580366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691997021079427,0.0,0.06934092402215808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21093222117073915,0.0,0.18380845959211897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755303987431393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714012530085121,0.0,0.0939840718105076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdbitchin,2020/02/21,"DAE write mean to words on themselves Does anybody else write mean words on their arms when they are getting escalated. I started doing to try and stop self harm and now I just use it to calm down. I know I shouldn’t be writing horrible stuff on myself but it just works. It feels like it isn’t bouncing around in my brain anymore and it’s just there. I know I shouldn’t label myself but i honestly can’t look at myself any other way than a failure, burden, idiot, etc. I hope someone can relate to writing on their arms but hopefully not the complete self loathing. As my old FP used to say “you best be loving yourself” Please let me know if I broke a rule. I’m new and read the rules. I just wanna make sure tho",1.914559686888456,3.995458616438357,2.863444227005872,93.10753424657534,79.27397260273972,5.267318982387477,22.072407045009786,6.1826913282559595,0.2437256360078281,562,17,119,4,14,178,98,146,0.161,0.6459999999999999,0.19399999999999998,0.775,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,3,2,9,12,1,0,4,0,10,4,3,3,1,36,26,11,0,6,9,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,2,7,5,0,1,6,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,3,20,8,16,21,2,15,0,1,1,1,12,8,0,3,7,76,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488377687804312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295776236217914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730013213427705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618580921591421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217511471653785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16171044010586927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497039943097872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884193972196764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201064337799318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798487467518002,0.1101841364461886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058041364765196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30637647937710377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542873861577933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771376428775066,0.0,0.07535048767659429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951693470354905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392013678679161,0.0,0.10295177225774856,0.0,0.0,0.3360100576913853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895926066219764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618416627883718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16930159618515755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427480824856288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226523281947443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32179745921483865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068118020504424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916696119633257,0.0,0.0,0.12894575311235768,0.0,0.0,0.1765599658858537,0.0,0.0,0.14536284375695754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471413080545676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664157058351065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242303247523935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228351229598292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HopeOfLight,2020/02/21,"Handling the new diagnosis So I just got diagnosed with BPD yesterday. It's not like it's coming out of nowhere. I've suspected I had BPD since I was 15. But my older therapists didn't really take the time to get to know and they said I didn't have it. When my therapist said I had it, I looked over the symptoms again for the first time in a long time and wow does it fit me. And coming to this community and seeing terms like FP for the first time is really helping me to understand some of my behaviors. My boyfriend, now ex, broke up with me in November. He said I was just too emotional, that I could turn on him out of nowhere without even giving him a chance, that he has to sort out his own mental health and can't be what I need right now. I'm realizing now how codependent the relationship was but also how much my symptoms of BPD affected it. I can't but think how things may have been different if I got this diagnosis sooner. It's hard to explain how all of this makes me feel. I just feel really small like a pebble. I feel really lost and confused. I guess it's a lot to navigate and it's overwhelming. I'm thinking maybe joining a BPD support group might help. Right now, I think I just need to know that there's other people out there that understand and relate to what I'm going through and that I'm not alone. Any support or advice would be appreciated. I just feel really lost and alone right now.",3.391469015413655,4.733842920415229,4.762939603648949,84.31197153192828,73.08304498269895,8.853161371500471,25.59311104120793,9.339509955726095,1.9849294117647047,1120,36,238,26,22,373,143,289,0.076,0.816,0.109,0.8143,1,2,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,4,22,11,0,2,11,0,20,4,0,6,1,63,58,22,0,5,13,1,5,3,0,3,4,3,0,0,21,18,0,0,14,0,0,3,7,5,0,2,15,10,30,6,29,37,6,35,0,4,2,0,16,14,0,9,21,157,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460408965668945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17933966317136654,0.0,0.06923727103346351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058876753559498285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4361733574957902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916044830178513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912636239448265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787595900283775,0.0,0.09045672690901306,0.0,0.0,0.07576594952682683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738982870665884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057184675735403215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510796747748086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472882680457185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04523400374465762,0.08305455714715447,0.04920489493446707,0.0,0.1384904229289633,0.0,0.09537663421401267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755786329983906,0.0,0.0,0.09202952941999198,0.0,0.0,0.1160642848096295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516321280401692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268945176911795,0.0,0.0,0.07661977463638818,0.07270463434196615,0.0,0.18902261941702375,0.07360645051605119,0.0,0.0,0.057792218245355666,0.0,0.08698033800173426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725136419262054,0.09184673786995537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06364559678207576,0.12839460388366594,0.0,0.08361862951036884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06002304318481379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773239263758988,0.0,0.0,0.09295354676476804,0.0,0.22181422234455367,0.2470696374251143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899232932376252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716191221112594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964978621141747,0.0,0.17997766060630818,0.0650967045782915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010500048786617,0.05751930365217636,0.16642916459736726,0.0,0.0,0.2019398663034291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941731936043156,0.0,0.1802637826512445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345915804857264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06150330504983344,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,emma_rose18,2020/02/21,"Does anyone else feel like some people try to act like they know more about your BPD than you do (that aren’t professionals)? I was recently scrolling through the nicegirls subreddit, and I found a comment saying that one of these people who had been abused by his ex should’ve known better because she self harmed and that it was a red flag. I had gone on to explain that mental illness doesn’t equal abuse (in this case it was sexual abuse), and vice versa and that mentally ill people r often the victims of abuse themselves because we are often seen as an easy and vulnerable target to toxic people, which is very true. The commenter went on to say that people who r mentally ill are more likely to abuse drugs, abuse their partners etc. But, they made the point of “untreated” mental illness. So I went on to say that yes in some cases it happens, but that not everyone is untreated and not everyone experiences the same things when they have a mental illness because of brain chemistry. I used my self as an example because I am diagnosed with BPD, anxiety, and depression and am treated but still not quite perfect. They then told me that I should not compare treated mental illness to someone who self harms, I went on to say that I used to, which is true and that my mental illnesses were not treated until I was about 17 (I am 18). This entire interaction was this person discrediting my voice and saying “of course you’d say that you can, you’re mentally ill” acting as if I was a child that knew nothing about my own brain and was incapable of relationships and generalized all mentally ill people to be and overall judged me without even knowing anything about me other than what I had told them. I then called them entitled for that reason and told them to leave my comment thread alone and they decided to tell me I was lashing out and said “nice BPD, do you talk to your partner like that?” Even tho I left my ex, who was actually abusive and NOT mentally ill almost a year ago and have chosen to be single ever since. Overall this encounter was really one sided, this person did not listen to me at all even though I was the one with the mental illness simply trying to explain the truth. The person was very clearly discrediting what I had to say because I have BPD, and compared me to an addict. I felt marginalized and unheard and I’m just so sick of that stereotype and it’s really messing with my sense of self worth right now to be quite honest and I’m just wondering who else out there has experienced a similar thing anywhere?? I’m so sick of people who choose to avoid being educated on this subject and act blatantly rude to people who r trying their best to explain.",8.978903508771927,7.434722760233921,8.548589181286548,71.84463815789475,61.16374269005848,11.357017543859653,37.16447368421053,10.125756701596842,3.644221637426901,2148,81,386,36,24,687,233,513,0.17800000000000002,0.7440000000000001,0.078,-0.9954,1,2,1,0,6,0,37.0,1,6,10,5,21,22,2,1,18,1,42,18,2,4,9,79,69,40,0,2,14,2,2,4,2,1,16,10,0,10,41,30,0,1,14,0,1,7,10,7,0,3,32,15,52,15,58,31,12,31,0,1,2,0,61,14,0,7,14,279,93,1,0.0,0.41026063430332216,0.04827130222354808,0.05392481893866097,0.0,0.0,0.043848280827882655,0.0,0.04953266554777623,0.051231456421082885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03784105810953582,0.0,0.0,0.03458750633827554,0.050683365502024666,0.04070598428002177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507688910463427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051911108451178786,0.04374831440695076,0.0,0.0,0.2492008288788927,0.11043996544647916,0.050509920869937885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04260465949644277,0.05020655536542284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043287690773418736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736440611701073,0.0,0.08264434377975005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05516723349471223,0.0980147114503943,0.044744478395503724,0.0,0.0945330249430448,0.0,0.048386860655614816,0.0,0.0,0.02501129991594431,0.03533824339801173,0.04749474516907395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054236490838691066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043742277702128185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054370013899274816,0.0,0.0,0.052376941284358686,0.053744532630989716,0.0,0.0,0.09666559849928308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046805558502219215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5483467317374501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04746358921390483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055753747188503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27434581881601583,0.12957439436796547,0.0,0.0,0.046760992437750885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522553530687932,0.0,0.0,0.06337787591392717,0.050858888055986144,0.04884132469083055,0.05310755575261537,0.0,0.04224336273291925,0.04705312492463904,0.27535928281625466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20641368722165246,0.0,0.0,0.04091846575905713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041912052883226365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039503301977588376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03975858554075026,0.04323512554199786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572550982459957,0.0,0.04859971305403545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417995374145672,0.0,0.10075171147949234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544481412214901,0.0,0.08162862141241932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756535487002394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047683085190363884,0.05364334660996243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031854232605993994 bpd,Mustangman24,2020/02/21,"Help my best friend leave her mentally abusive boyfriend? My best friend lives with BPD. She has been with this guy for over 4 years, and the relationship has fallen apart. He has hit her, abused her, mentally ruins her daily, etc etc. She wants to leave him, but she can’t. She has come so close so many times, but once he breaks down she can’t close the deal. She said to me finally one day, she is afraid to cause the pain she has felt before in someone else. I’m not sure how to proceed in this. Any insight is appreciated.",2.794761904761902,4.622561619047623,3.120000000000001,93.47333333333336,75.66666666666666,6.571428571428571,21.19047619047619,7.3871296695380915,0.3671904761904759,410,10,92,5,9,126,70,105,0.146,0.7240000000000001,0.131,0.0405,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,3,8,0,1,3,0,10,1,0,2,1,15,16,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,3,2,16,5,11,12,4,15,0,1,0,0,22,7,0,0,5,54,18,0,0.0,0.35119411517577304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007835450520574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611036657606053,0.0,0.3110611156218941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18665727374582974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224594432023453,0.0,0.1276642974736746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557907558494544,0.15279142664233278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380510907480262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33057242868889336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229871851382347,0.16234982372219275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290035013837945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467448862813968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933776380201792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138524734854721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308665134075671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502552111899315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29870878614508223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783202054522746,0.10042660978048873,0.0,0.1576991028985169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591152263286467,0.0,0.0,0.14097558277261374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255724479484137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396801597801867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641872378727129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741433605589202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543827349611143 bpd,hesjustcrazy,2020/02/21,"clean for a year, i made this post 11 months ago on this sub >i started smoking weed in my early teens, took different uppers and did cocaine by age 17 (was diagnosed bipolar 1 then), did heroin a few times by 18 and became addicted to different opioids and have been addicted for about eight years now. i had issues w ket but my main drugs of choice now are weed, cocaine and oxy/morphine. i also binge drink. i've overdosed five times i think, the last time being in earlyish 2018 and i was sectioned a few months after it happened because my mental health got so bad. > >people think i'm a loser, they make fun of my problem with substance abuse and i'm basically the train wreck of every group i'm in (family, friends etc). i do what i do to medicate myself and ease my borderline/bipolar mind. i experienced sexual abuse when i was very young and i have nothing in my life except for the drugs i take. people see me as a liability or someone who's bad rather than someone who just wants quiet from my own head. people don't care about my personality or anything about me because i take drugs. nobody wants to help me and nobody cares if i get help because nobody believes in me. being a mess is a part of me. > >i want sobriety but i'm scared of it. > >[https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/azbed6/im\_an\_addict\_and\_i\_dont\_want\_to\_be\_anymore/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/azbed6/im_an_addict_and_i_dont_want_to_be_anymore/) i actually stopped everything in mid march, i'd make this post then but i'll definitely forget to so i thought i'd do it now. i did this so far with no help, i had no therapy or support, and i don't know how i managed that. i feel like my brain just blocked out my need for taking anything. i slipped up once in that year, but now i don't even have one drink because i simply don't want to. my life was literally all about drugs to cope. now i just... don't do them. and i still cope somehow? it honestly feels like something has gone wrong with me. i've been sober for one year after doing drugs for over ten. don't get me wrong, i'm still a borderline, bipolar mess to my friends and family, but how things can change. hope this is encouraging for somebody.",4.219359989443127,6.389681011876488,4.55468131433096,83.23687285563474,72.6104513064133,7.243098442860915,26.42128529955133,8.07648339933343,1.6138027975719185,1770,62,337,27,36,556,212,421,0.16699999999999998,0.6990000000000001,0.135,-0.9569,2,0,11,0,2,0,95.0,0,0,2,1,24,20,0,1,11,0,32,18,2,5,1,54,66,31,0,9,14,0,2,2,2,0,14,1,1,1,15,16,2,2,6,2,0,2,8,9,0,5,16,5,47,11,45,48,8,48,0,1,1,0,12,15,0,6,31,208,62,1,0.0,0.17961410165603872,0.07396693835323777,0.1652598365659864,0.0,0.0,0.06718946735415131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060614833680782174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474894569467147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657465825995015,0.1848205912153021,0.0,0.0,0.0853972632307646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19092733672170206,0.08461451980394696,0.0,0.0,0.15456018663244495,0.0,0.08018317589536998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693235969571673,0.0,0.15838346529422648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850440796687772,0.43950228142562336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453369126286897,0.0500632037781448,0.0,0.06386224177215367,0.0,0.06812145636720393,0.0,0.14290933206965667,0.0,0.07665048149931653,0.10829878418557898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171211486745754,0.0,0.07920160840461543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060621785253227686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670270369595533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778958964740207,0.08056866679244701,0.0,0.0,0.15241539451954406,0.0,0.0,0.07528352376705992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187376705402613,0.07911237553714684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04165604905092556,0.06178467165950517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707532565952148,0.07406117129348244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172095429059344,0.10119017242296016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635750345962752,0.07638554856387854,0.0,0.0765333629131026,0.0,0.12100088483922115,0.0,0.0,0.05620251523313833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272926595495215,0.0,0.0,0.08072133147390538,0.1027240179640025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208076486035926,0.0,0.1576442886333627,0.06618301695410499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518514794433754,0.0,0.0,0.07252749258955926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588602010073599,0.0,0.060400395694226686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284451046095429,0.058352233865681113,0.0,0.0,0.05364950687148603,0.0,0.12106316455246625,0.0633696861379959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601353759973683,0.0,0.0,0.17096973330764592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668047551069702,0.0,0.0503561589339069,0.09713531436775052,0.0,0.06017435155722214,0.13259352109197464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421325616322745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254046327474869,0.17882813821843033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574424182769332,0.0,0.19524313212398525 bpd,CoilThyForm,2020/02/21,"I need some resources to deal with this break up Hey everyone, without going into too much detail, my girlfriend of 3 years dumped me on Valentine's day and I'm not handling it well. I've been abusing alcohol and isolating, my anxiety is through the roof...I've never been very active about suicidal ideation but this is about as close as I get. Has anyone dealt with a difficult break up successfully? I have hobbies but I can't focus on them for more than a few minutes. My work situation is sort of fucked right now so it's not like I can just pour myself into my job. As many of you probably understand, I feel like the only way to cope with stuff sometimes is to talk about it and nauseum, and I have a great support network, but I'm very concerned that I'm annoying my friends. Is there a crisis support network that doesn't suck? Anything would help, thank you for reading.",3.881461794019933,5.7205551860465125,4.637475083056478,83.6963953488372,72.72093023255816,7.70498338870432,30.308970099667768,8.418075326091056,2.338241196013289,700,31,133,12,14,225,114,172,0.185,0.659,0.156,-0.3793,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,1,2,9,14,4,0,6,0,14,2,0,0,1,24,27,11,1,2,7,0,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,8,10,1,0,2,1,0,1,6,5,1,0,2,1,17,9,26,24,4,16,0,0,0,1,9,8,2,2,6,91,25,4,0.0,0.19143216942449048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726675153380255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359940654968155,0.0,0.0,0.11297240275548535,0.0,0.132957051186777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419827098558204,0.16656995665753338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438555851801347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169385268504949,0.11542451851793713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482736806043232,0.14936740985288466,0.08441283606918144,0.0,0.09182306199006357,0.0,0.0,0.17812976421943194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829591276539563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603317361392422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15786834730805754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380502862940802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877138619030833,0.11980094345594408,0.12461153342431007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228800714001925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419809407875944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161215249196986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797855623746458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816096845248859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597953083467578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849571971902768,0.1767296385623447,0.36669187888431065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986258375405038,0.0,0.14875050273855805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819843341799268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666217507670907,0.0,0.12824549916821604,0.0,0.0,0.14526942196085066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574620072533646,0.0,0.11762374115076175,0.0,0.0,0.11477357689120353,0.0,0.0,0.1040447715494568 bpd,daybreaker17,2020/02/22,"I [29M, AS] am worried I'm just my GF's [27F, pwBPD] passing interest :/ I'm a man with Asperger's, and I finally found love I've been looking for all these years and in all the other partners I've had. She is so damn loving, understanding, patient, and though we've had horrible fights at times, she sees me for me and fully understands my Asperger's. We're a year in, and I guess I felt really sad today to come across her ex's instagram. He still has photos that my girlfriend had tagged him in, and it's 8 years of photos with captions saying how he's the love of her life, her everything, etc. - things that she's told me. It made me feel really insecure, coupled with all of the negative things she told me about her ex. It made me wonder if I'm just the fleeting interest of hers for now because I do listen to, love, and treat her so well (her words, not mine). Am I just waiting for the next guy like me to come around and show her interest for her to leave me for him? Sorry if this isn't the right place to post - the unnameable sub seems like a pretty negative community, and I'd love insight from pwBPD and your significant others. I'm asking to understand, and want to know what, if anything, I can do as an Aspie and her boyfriend. Thank you.",5.688130580357143,5.0210417304687525,6.5679910714285725,80.54218750000003,67.2421875,10.439285714285717,30.785714285714285,9.957137785484203,2.6456917410714285,977,32,209,20,14,326,139,256,0.109,0.716,0.174,0.9595,0,0,0,0,1,0,40.0,0,2,0,0,12,17,2,1,11,0,12,6,0,3,3,45,44,21,0,4,7,2,2,2,3,0,1,2,0,3,12,18,0,1,10,1,0,3,4,4,1,0,10,6,37,13,30,34,4,21,0,1,2,5,38,8,1,6,11,134,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310967328934402,0.10072409705208143,0.10577641358211898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897286694237463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949308472348968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519410662160071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618791015184033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168849942618127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057210113080555784,0.0,0.10863808562475966,0.12394612006982232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405895672763535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464328396315115,0.11203251643678944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062182186728047636,0.0,0.0,0.11980547767457607,0.0,0.0,0.0799184997836339,0.11055502592286584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501430259520896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5105942677898611,0.2141233205558825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033225616297955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821368610259515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836277305820756,0.11511035152446272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496869255203254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662622762412314,0.0,0.08997839125652944,0.0,0.0,0.0901628639555992,0.10300404145926467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266578957452203,0.0,0.0,0.09035869310225124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416980963391168,0.0,0.0,0.15033860143132652,0.0,0.1111655567222827,0.0,0.06597645300278658,0.0,0.10724935782196872,0.2162320657068657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3533675207942557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673655409165881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173201268359554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270221603392145,0.0,0.1149054476975438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21858730920916705 bpd,BruhndonDales,2020/02/22,"I wrote a poem on a boxing training video and people lost their shit acting like i was going to jump off a cliff. I was just venting. Why cant i talk about what ive been through? Am i allowed to process? I left out the sexual assault, thought that would be enough There was once a kid feeling hollow from a hard life, he spent 14 years doing what people wanted so he experiments with a knife. He was always fat and hated his body, confidence was never an option it almost seemed gaudy. He'd lose his guts just to be something people wanted, he thought ""if only i spent time hunting instead of being the hunted"". But he had no control over people or who they saw, he had his impulses and and what people thought was law. Fast forward to twenty he was looking at a pale sunrise, he had loved and laughed and cried, he'd done a good job of making friends and he didnt care if he lied it was better than the hollowness he defied. Now he stared at the gun in his hand, nothing had ever gone as planned so it was innocent enough but he thought hed go crazy with one more demand to be what everyone called being a man. How long would be before fate called and he was dirt and sand what would it matter if he panned to eternity by his own hand. 23 he sits in a jail cell unaware of the cell and what made the deputies lock it. He was bruised, abused, had a vertebrae fused and a shattered eyeball socket. Women wanted his love but no one wanted his hate, he never needed a date or a mate he just wanted someone to validate his fate. At 25 in the hospital ward showed him his issues, it was ""fix yourself or no one will miss you"". He had so many years to acclimate if only he knew he had to acclimate, but he spent his life in acclimation and the frustration of living like everyone else, for him equalling masturbation. No one ever got the extra work he had to do, he didnt ask to be born he didnt ask to lose. He didnt ask for win or lose he wanted to be a part of something, to be a person who was meant to do more than amuse. Now on to 27 and he found his place to shine, nothing makes him feel more divine, no one can call him ""mine"". He doesnt know if he can toe the line, to do what most were born to do and has no sign no one tells him or gives him a sign so hes blind. There is no answer to the end of his days, most of his thoughts end in decay. All he knows is he wants to be a ray of light, he wants connection through the will to fight.",4.579345121152585,4.334401096267194,5.284367387033402,87.39575867714474,69.47151277013752,8.201204977079241,26.986313032089058,7.554174236665415,1.2217284348395543,1894,51,424,18,30,615,242,509,0.165,0.752,0.083,-0.9921,3,0,2,1,2,0,49.0,0,1,2,9,16,24,6,0,31,0,61,12,7,6,5,80,107,34,0,17,17,0,6,2,2,5,4,0,0,4,16,17,1,1,14,3,3,6,16,12,0,6,45,12,35,12,55,44,12,41,1,5,5,2,83,16,1,15,22,264,51,2,0.0,0.08877141912126545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502449058270888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234187869911785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101284736837737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375389406087735,0.0,0.0,0.06626324196237443,0.0,0.08322248371396937,0.0,0.0,0.2295140615227897,0.0,0.07638891924691198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403243545739494,0.0,0.0,0.08229931915971228,0.04831909084654055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667216883147386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258849309893819,0.0,0.13271895319867316,0.15483082719070168,0.0,0.0,0.1355441570078152,0.0,0.1431841384097056,0.0,0.0732890009337888,0.0,0.0,0.07576656795080614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821491242429055,0.057885268924291175,0.0,0.0,0.07187290034102246,0.0851608540552334,0.06284179796988462,0.0599227104885024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711622782763771,0.14794176166502845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820007206267031,0.07434944602072696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235136451183828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140398134553455,0.0,0.10584056066900467,0.07320711700126717,0.0,0.06615831876811157,0.06630443428691976,0.06291639035690942,0.2514587782995593,0.08178722730101404,0.0,0.13524173682831248,0.07089388677621501,0.1000232734990238,0.07596009016848015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055554402348480525,0.1155703630608056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378114170195444,0.0,0.0,0.07979047393527115,0.30461829338875684,0.11396452699367456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113423068714845,0.0,0.2597106257121745,0.06541981150225734,0.07827851404694804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682070204566987,0.0,0.0,0.07690730972553604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348195442473582,0.11535866196234873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06022021212661671,0.0654859421191291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974021824113801,0.04368816228828397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535318766644322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676062897116201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054544784482652806,0.0,0.0,0.15966929689329984,0.0,0.0,0.09649581938459224 bpd,leiaorganas,2020/02/22,"Just saved my friendship by simply waiting When I didn’t receive a message from her all day, I almost had a meltdown. I started to assume the worst and began to type up a message along the lines of “I understand if you hate me now” but then I remembered that this was her first day back to work. She lives in another country in a timezone six hours ahead of me and remembered that it was most likely a hard day for her. I didn’t send her any messages and decided to wait instead even though it was difficult for me to do that with my brain trying to convince me that she hates me. I’m glad that I didn’t send her any messages that could have probably stressed her further because I was right. She was just tired. I know this is a small victory to celebrate but I’m just really happy that I didn’t give in to the voice inside my head and gave her the time to respond",5.595561797752809,5.164505747191012,6.068853932584273,83.25564044943822,67.37078651685394,9.367191011235958,32.406741573033706,8.841846274778883,2.4373397752808987,685,26,144,10,10,222,101,178,0.113,0.774,0.113,0.2316,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,3,9,10,2,1,10,0,14,3,2,0,1,25,26,10,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,11,6,0,2,6,0,0,3,4,5,0,2,12,2,29,5,22,13,3,23,0,0,0,0,21,7,0,4,14,108,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747663824976325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22747136517980246,0.1753761266010691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860486673254892,0.0,0.10195400043929158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867062264553086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353545391982646,0.0,0.0,0.3235870914448533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104669964840308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226269869597474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044136570450654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17804065257242868,0.1498230793874738,0.3302493453533297,0.17164667215774826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470748379732353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091916183479573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170986404641464,0.0,0.14768474578743998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18032370423875968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714458307555888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789231176894428,0.1428305200343144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838035602367222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19158422122219385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16432219974800866,0.0,0.09752477483716758,0.19222918253344295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355171884985835,0.0,0.0,0.17411306777774374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175993556586588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bloodwolf3775,2020/02/22,"Wanting my way I have an issue with wanting my way. When things don’t go my way I normal get so upset that I sob and have to take a lorazepam to calm myself down, I hate how emotional I get over it and I can’t control it. I have no interest in compromise, if given another option I would rather do nothing than “give in” and take the compromise. I cry because I’m angry I didn’t get what I wanted and I also hope that my crying will make the person give me what I want, which makes me extra guilty because I feel like I’m a manipulator :( It’s very childish and something that I struggle with, Of course I don’t do this over every little thing that doesn’t go my way, it’s hit or miss what will tigger a breakdown and what I’ll just shrug off and deal with...",3.236194240542069,3.834547322981369,4.849858836815361,86.36045736871826,72.66459627329192,7.34522868435912,25.19536984754376,7.348242739294969,1.0427590062111798,593,17,129,6,11,201,92,161,0.205,0.711,0.084,-0.9613,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,9,1,2,6,0,13,0,0,5,0,28,36,13,0,9,4,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,16,10,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,2,1,24,4,13,30,1,14,0,2,0,0,4,7,1,4,2,89,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110427252087628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568284323106034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938392870955596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582461587857335,0.0,0.0,0.3052216617387525,0.0,0.14323331017326246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562803661651597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705662595750095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024844801361298,0.09925340796281852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177594959004571,0.2665534332489285,0.15791708640618962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716708350991758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799132379042034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500943742158334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787540325475812,0.13924686696774646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547704927349307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612435485827126,0.1333094837388659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131050281597948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695702850158972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524241770325874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20891990391076729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18460116329812407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463386523260467,0.327783959742526,0.4411126166875949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869366402220914,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,khayriyah_a,2020/02/22,"It hurts when my boyfriend/fp doesn't give me a lot of attention or replies back to me This is mainly venting but I know I'm being clingy, I know I'm probably being really toxic, I know he loves me and cares very much for me. It doesn't make the pain any less real and everything just feels wrong. He's sick right now, he has the flu so he doesn't feel like replying back to me, he does that when he's not sick though but a lot less often. I keep having the urge to check my phone and see if he read my message which he usually does. Then I send him another message or a photo or something to nudge him and get him to pay attention to me. He doesn't just do this with me, he does it to everyone so I don't take it personally, it's just the way it is. It hurts though, I do long distance with him and when we talk on the phone or see each other in person everything is normal. I finally did convince him to make it a rule that we call each other everyday unless something's going on which I'm really looking forward to and hopefully it'll help. I just feel so much pain, how do I train my brain to not be this way? I don't want to keep pressing him about this and annoy him or hurt him and end up losing him. I'm pretty sure I did it 2 or 3 times this week. I freaked out and over thought things because my meds were off and I was just having a really bad time. Everytime I was freaking out he told me he loved me and reassured me that but he's just sick and doesn't feel like talking that much. I understood but it hurts. I just want attention really badly from him. I want this to end, I'm tired. Someone please tell me what to do. I love him and want this relationship to last. I feel really lost though.",1.6453707467962886,3.1437325808219185,3.4205656208572712,91.50994697304465,77.98630136986301,7.230225364560317,21.63720724701724,8.049812674583475,0.8238917366327887,1332,36,309,23,31,446,159,365,0.192,0.685,0.12300000000000001,-0.9756,0,0,2,0,0,0,29.0,2,0,0,2,22,24,1,0,10,0,26,11,1,3,1,71,63,36,0,7,21,0,6,2,0,1,7,0,0,2,28,21,0,2,13,1,2,3,9,14,0,0,9,9,49,10,29,50,10,31,0,6,3,3,45,10,0,11,20,199,77,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608368637027365,0.08647892602528855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683152458891622,0.13772110050926278,0.05027407454395212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206586015448567,0.08421298019111413,0.0,0.08408554797051583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21651501622866048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609116107156875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880538733602374,0.14824076269544328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20850122788739409,0.11783581284668886,0.0,0.09034388095002616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04308813794774692,0.07911451384553335,0.046870653161917186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527914290888465,0.0,0.0,0.08191315612420139,0.0,0.0,0.3531512864197878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466095400234042,0.0,0.0,0.13597311650755295,0.06722556546884144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058316060862529,0.0,0.0,0.07298499238966631,0.06925558329196375,0.09226490514490704,0.09002776701639098,0.14022923602265475,0.22330219477779792,0.0,0.11010120112820136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160763387602618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818788981886208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080490298612415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551172710318122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402247740970714,0.0,0.09052932593641977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839035210491735,0.0889186035847518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249416848048137,0.0938710211711978,0.26416789597818485,0.0,0.0,0.08854390312963853,0.0,0.07043050964569353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314387742468966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987813123510067,0.12698171933675725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772874301271449,0.0,0.06200856777230175,0.132575498789295,0.0720840323667107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054790632825997214,0.0,0.2430845229347328,0.06547343704355159,0.09617999840948617,0.09478925996595687,0.0,0.07880538733602374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908310917095206,0.06804791375275496,0.1945761366140502,0.13092463223979298,0.06615394378680499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017002179339836,0.0,0.0 bpd,Chance-Cabinet,2020/02/22,"Putting caffeine in my body is like gasoline on the fire AND I CANT STOP I’m so pissed at myself Caffeine is so bad for my disorders and yet I drink strong cups of coffee every damn day It’s so stupid, I never fucking learn",1.1078723404255302,3.319984893617022,2.3866382978723406,94.69400000000002,83.04255319148936,4.611063829787233,22.16595744680852,5.6839178017228535,0.12029702127659547,178,6,38,1,5,57,38,47,0.304,0.56,0.136,-0.9046,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,4,0,1,0,3,4,2,0,1,5,5,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,1,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,1,6,2,5,5,0,8,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,5,23,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28262797546833224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3759900262790034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183003369571247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3879429341477599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315948132809002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851954150864015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312931832677046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537085062084173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610670933209145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402795104202951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829957646413396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,flowersforapenny,2020/02/22,"Nothing worse than realizing you’re going to be alone for the rest of your life And it’a nobodies fault except your own. I’m too fucked up to make rational decisions. I’m too defensive to accept what I’ve done wrong. Being told that during a whole relationship I must have been working my way back to my old life style. Sleeping around. Self harming. Drinking. Maybe it’s the truth. Maybe all I’m good at is being a piece of shit. Oh well",1.4186833855799357,4.045264034482764,2.685350052246605,89.89692789968653,86.816091954023,5.922257053291537,20.55276907001045,7.348242739294969,0.7907333333333333,349,11,70,6,11,112,69,87,0.196,0.667,0.13699999999999998,-0.8336,0,1,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,1,5,10,3,0,4,0,8,6,2,1,3,11,15,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,2,1,1,3,1,0,1,0,6,1,0,3,0,5,4,12,8,5,7,0,0,0,1,5,3,2,0,2,42,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20508821676008088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17627910920961246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522645752332204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026424368869821,0.0,0.19398347189138074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830655997523184,0.0,0.0,0.11253889942164423,0.1660891464667862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27973369558117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217938266365362,0.0,0.39787389133031226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19000480472202427,0.0,0.2077878856040395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21259856085817366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20657725733588947,0.0,0.20326390781327447,0.0,0.0,0.19816225060364107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892158730678489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717845843272155,0.0,0.0,0.17804308103841798,0.0,0.0,0.22108141366407452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416036764702458,0.0,0.20179852635746215,0.0,0.21650295715741735,0.0,0.0 bpd,fireyrose04,2020/02/22,"Why is trying to learn about something that I feel my symptoms align with considered “focusing on the negative”? I’ve been struggling with my mental health for years now and I finally feel like I am beginning to understand what’s been going on in my mind. I’ve brought BPD up to my mother before and I still haven’t been to a Psychiatrist to get my diagnosis. I am perfectly open to other possibilities because I know I am not a doctor and I’m obviously not mentally stable at the moment so, I know I can’t just say I have BPD and all my problems will go away. No, all I want is some sort of idea of how to get better. I want to be better. I want to be healthy and happy and content again. I truly feel like I can’t do it on my own. When I brought this up again today after explaining the symptoms of this disorder first and then asking her if she felt this was an accurate depiction of the things I’ve been experiencing (at least what she can see I just needed an outside perspective) she told me that it sounded exactly like what I’ve been going through. So I began to tell her more about what I’ve learned like the fact that recovery is very possible and that I’m currently in the wrong type of therapy for this. She listened and seemed to understand. Then, at the end of our conversation, she tells me to “stop focusing on the negative” and “start taking action towards productively working on things”. It hurt because I thought that was what I was doing...also if I had a medical condition with clear physical symptoms would she have said the same thing? I really don’t think so.",4.2745395193776945,5.619596690095849,5.66435616057786,78.69054452007224,70.91693290734823,9.532935129879153,29.902625364633977,9.867487886160001,2.942833976941241,1256,51,244,32,23,423,160,313,0.091,0.794,0.114,0.6539,1,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,0,5,13,12,0,1,14,0,27,6,0,1,7,54,61,19,0,8,6,1,4,4,0,2,6,4,0,0,21,14,0,1,15,0,0,6,9,4,0,1,16,10,40,8,41,41,7,40,0,1,1,0,19,15,0,5,23,181,61,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083717795640043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786779193497544,0.0,0.09835645912259884,0.0,0.0,0.12763189755596244,0.0,0.08908054291182277,0.0,0.0,0.1851734911586532,0.0,0.0,0.2636980881931024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997985509652175,0.10715111914087826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272121005139984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879799439023728,0.14957618345141066,0.10051550435564534,0.11467899770229525,0.0,0.08904632534164822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938880244560534,0.0,0.17848733538136838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144077835107466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127690652493363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206911618701534,0.11817837165083153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506597939318118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20457824023282786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054606848198562,0.21099883827779375,0.0,0.10570357199603704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762374981548514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23603670974882354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017088943729166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706488412349669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995808813474574,0.08325094580089305,0.0,0.0,0.08342162596595865,0.095302702716147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059282016071763,0.0,0.0,0.0740976784017828,0.0,0.08360281348716787,0.0875226427546299,0.0,0.10944111119815356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264282254090352,0.07871125665960613,0.0,0.1830013166409539,0.0,0.11971819262925748,0.0,0.20864727494169094,0.06707891372346446,0.0,0.08310942653030505,0.0,0.0,0.09923060804412172,0.10003248408417788,0.0,0.07107529515812533,0.0,0.0,0.2179647795477691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637736682149817,0.18524051730764468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446332777750673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621305468938776,0.0,0.0,0.0743663210073751,0.11445830767200453,0.0,0.06741470545542373 bpd,fancylamp12,2020/02/22,"how do you stop yourself when you know you're becoming attached to someone? i'm talking to someone who used to be my fp, and even though i wouldn't consider myself that overly attached yet i can feel some of those old feelings of instability and splitting coming back and im scared i'll be attached again and i dont know what to do. should i just create a little bit of distance until i can calm down again? i dont want to be in the same state of mind as i used to be, but i dont want to just kinda abruptly cut him off just to balance out my feelings to him",2.585166666666669,3.6376011833333344,4.163333333333334,88.96166666666667,74.66666666666666,6.333333333333334,26.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,0.9241666666666676,442,16,97,3,9,148,72,120,0.08,0.8909999999999999,0.03,-0.5246,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,11,3,1,1,2,0,13,0,0,3,0,27,24,10,0,4,4,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,3,15,1,20,18,3,17,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,9,72,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015303311706444,0.0,0.0,0.18693802141578372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18479168964117929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580534918113505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5951259966026272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179681622491693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567538375601749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18283341452822632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860453710090156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964629811831994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090768594410702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776133648612902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946209597049325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28683249715017395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141511701624117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604743253194618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16630033721934218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29237829833189755,0.0,0.0,0.1996717648439594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway738287,2020/02/22,"Giving the cold shoulder to a friend?(22F) I have this one friend named Cat she's 30 I'm 22. We met through mutual friends. She always has drama at work and never likes her boss. She changes jobs every year. She sometimes gets in arguments with her roommates where she ends up crying because they aren't as clean by her standards. Sometimes I make plans with her to go hiking on the weekend. We’ll make plans for one then she won't text me the day of until five saying ”sorry I slept in” she's done it about three times to me. She just doesn't set the alarm because ”she knows she’ll wake up.” I always seem to be doing only what she wants to do. We went to a restaurant I loved, and she said we could never go back because they took the pasta she likes off the menu. She makes comments about the way I look and my personality. I told her I was harassed and bullied so severely in high school. She has made comments about how my hair looks fake and overprocessed. I go to school and sometimes work as a freelancer. She's made comments to me sometimes when we hang out like ”SOME OF US have work in the morning” She says I ask too many questions because usually when I see my friends, I want to know what's going on in their lives. She doesn't ask many about me. I've gotten upset about her questions comments, but a mutual friend who I used to date says ”she probably thinks you ask too many questions or talk too much because she never stops talking about herself.” she's made comments like ”you either say nothing or express too much Love you though.” I sometimes binge drink when I'm stressed. I don't drink everyday or most weekends. I've been trying to cut drinking out of my life because I don't want to become a problem drinker. I see a therapist two times a week and always talk to my family about it.She's made comments about my drinking like ”oh my God your out of control and thank God your not drinking this weekend.” she also tries to baby me in front of people and take away my drink even if I'm having one beer. She smokes weed every single day. When I ask her to do stuff, I love like going to the movies, she always says no and makes passive aggressive comments about how I should stop asking her about it. I've gone to six different concerts she likes even though I've never listened to those bands to be supportive. In the last couple of months, I've become silent and walked out when she's made passive aggressive comments because I don't want to go off and say mean things to a friend, so I storm off and go home. She recently made a group chat sharing an old of my friends and me. I'm blackout drunk in the photo, and it's very embarrassing. I texted her to not post shit like that. She said she didn't think anything of it before she posted because it was a nice picture. I just said whatever. I hadn't talked to her in a couple of weeks, and she texts me about how our relationship didn't stay healthy, and she doesn't want to stay friends anymore. Am I the toxic friend? Am I a bad friend? I have gotten embarrassingly drunk around her twice. Am I I out of control? tl;Dr: my friend has been passive-aggressive to me, so I started giving her the cold shoulder.",3.808807561486134,5.1937261036106745,4.127226255886972,89.10921719649399,72.10832025117739,6.627014652014653,26.614632391418105,6.9077264865688965,1.0636321559392994,2516,85,516,21,48,785,268,637,0.095,0.7440000000000001,0.161,0.9933,2,0,9,0,0,0,56.0,7,5,3,7,36,38,5,5,26,0,35,20,6,17,4,83,99,40,0,9,10,0,1,8,10,4,1,11,2,1,14,29,10,4,9,16,0,13,18,13,0,8,25,18,109,25,78,67,6,78,0,0,4,3,116,26,1,10,41,328,123,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037142232742405065,0.15458460425849527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04606118682787709,0.0,0.0,0.0382204659651666,0.041346100649370436,0.2171000967144113,0.0,0.043636821401244204,0.035713514103593365,0.03877982608300037,0.2265006434121119,0.10259021252813368,0.03952146891058567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04913289372062176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418454697807136,0.03708273596529813,0.10278152467146393,0.05101790300725947,0.059906660598828286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048525378799908335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047529594566989034,0.0,0.2729918544209888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04113668709928723,0.0,0.0,0.061353271258676886,0.0,0.07826421696856388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04378442825353922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947181546881751,0.0,0.024265715125353214,0.08910899132307061,0.18477125725922752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04907193431491267,0.04658835146316065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04608972303121763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05105016627205745,0.03785906048634409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03280563869529902,0.181526342270888,0.0,0.04101198800302045,0.0,0.0780045894320592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575589717790345,0.2636855912990678,0.12401020367954213,0.14126451660375144,0.0,0.05059247011838987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03707213856597776,0.0,0.06828517454324838,0.0,0.1432856950300573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04456544972983338,0.0,0.04873645476440842,0.0,0.0944174672708121,0.03532368945330057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0321992736946591,0.04055418236812338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896338120942135,0.0,0.05007581220029544,0.0444418114577545,0.0,0.0,0.1560878574532162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045859060309118314,0.0498647941583428,0.0,0.0,0.13254014550039053,0.2216106610062098,0.0,0.09401010240575124,0.07402166824123768,0.04228199199705485,0.0,0.05246988850761515,0.047675359993104204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229677594740006,0.05199163118644337,0.032874172042276245,0.09900886846954024,0.0,0.0776605820201017,0.05320285274175456,0.0,0.05316867512572083,0.0,0.052705495314093714,0.0,0.0,0.03492103192573705,0.14932366258778476,0.0,0.04276052662475039,0.0,0.05392649047689782,0.03085614628568548,0.05952045455991289,0.09126440308730112,0.0,0.05416517290656223,0.0,0.0,0.04438040654618408,0.051602358209588826,0.0630665233076333,0.0,0.045370239844499165,0.0,0.05586789167328973,0.04011376543053384,0.05115285786127388,0.038322177950725296,0.1369729966920989,0.0368660608248514,0.07451112212349291,0.0,0.0,0.043055192471837735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143803931916688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029909204621823293 bpd,Quix_Optic,2020/02/22,"Maybe I'm just not built to be happy I can be happy for a few weeks and it always comes crashing down. Or I'll be happy and then remember the worst things I've ever experienced and everything gets ruined. I just want to be happy and warm. That's all.",1.4658490566037763,3.37417898113208,3.6836226415094337,87.53260377358494,79.94339622641509,6.504150943396226,18.147169811320754,7.554174236665415,0.3801501886792456,198,4,42,3,5,68,38,53,0.114,0.601,0.285,0.8689,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,2,13,9,6,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,5,4,5,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,29,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578812602274684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17163226143135454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802288626247049,0.0,0.0,0.1790689094686501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409749293032976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8484016921070148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20016877505084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257061867481417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236978400341334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752009352408728,0.0,0.1598226338769057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,solarisun6,2020/02/22,Utterly hopeless living corpse Everyday I feel like I’m just trying to survive? I don’t look forward to anything not even my goals or creative passion..I just worry about if I’m gonna have conflict with something/or someone soon and how it’s gonna affect me. I feel so hopeless about life that I wouldn’t mind if I just died all of sudden? It’s like I’m always waiting for nothing which is weird since I have a lot to look forward to (I’m 17 and graduating this year) but it’s no big deal to me and I feel so selfish and ungrateful and beat myself up about it and then it’s a never ending cycle of self loathing and depression. I’m just trying to figure out what to do which I guess is normal for a teen like me but it feels more intense than it supposed to be...I guess I’m a lil stressed because My therapist told my mom that I show symptoms of borderline psychosis and is worried that it might get worse as I age. :(,3.2290747594374563,4.231888269430055,4.521143597335306,87.202085492228,73.04145077720206,6.965062916358254,28.811621021465587,7.1686216300943375,1.4883652109548486,728,29,153,7,14,241,109,193,0.244,0.698,0.057999999999999996,-0.9911,0,0,1,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,3,12,9,0,1,4,0,9,2,0,2,2,38,28,18,1,4,10,1,4,3,0,4,2,0,0,1,15,10,0,2,5,1,0,2,5,6,0,0,1,6,17,3,21,23,3,13,0,3,2,0,4,5,0,7,13,95,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674273549282286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125346671655223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285307315899106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570355951670884,0.13119329649778794,0.0,0.15808447771725667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491062132830614,0.0,0.0,0.10060615632530637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30807098795769505,0.10881769033298903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958109744315803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33559608227614485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758836968987226,0.223248090847518,0.0,0.13450166198464714,0.0,0.2558214666470036,0.0,0.0,0.12949731675376366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16158782312362466,0.15380013447517987,0.17839575601607693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747884617754115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924160487561589,0.14615548642300344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15890334759706815,0.0,0.0,0.12600096970639513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906054046034993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17448244926735607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15831916877348975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17685566945956924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14554862445528005,0.0,0.20683104169067454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093774237437644,0.1552274523918994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808931305592526 bpd,restinsleepqq,2020/02/22,"I don't really have friends and I'm just now realizing it basically title... don't even know why I'm posting this, just felt like having to say it somewhere else where I won't be made fun of... I always thought I have friends and stuff, good people I talk to but recently it seems like I'm getting proven otherwise... no one rly gives a shit about me, they only rly talk to me if they want to vent or just to send a meme, I get ignored every time I try to actually talk to them.. am I really that bad if I am i should just stop trying to socialize right..",1.6497435897435864,3.179567179487183,3.798641025641029,88.66719230769233,78.05982905982907,7.4150427350427375,22.81111111111111,8.238735603445708,1.1064536752136749,428,13,98,8,10,147,75,117,0.203,0.727,0.07,-0.9504,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,3,0,8,9,1,0,2,0,10,1,1,1,0,20,22,6,0,4,8,0,1,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,2,5,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,3,2,15,6,10,16,0,8,0,0,0,0,12,2,1,4,6,58,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.16860669180542287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376538195517202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426265890372594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433409457862267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411843396711648,0.0,0.14557316493294578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16589425791775425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26697616337944363,0.0,0.18053905536819126,0.16574468375620705,0.0,0.14491823596612366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495443208179702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16882149458984896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634869998040898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170790438503606,0.13140567861021146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978271454901092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547384574221807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213723993194648,0.0,0.1705977216313466,0.0,0.0,0.14755171940771555,0.0,0.13740023455212022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729087015980922,0.0,0.0,0.1773544363524749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17612571269851404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445039065224138,0.0,0.0,0.19778981028971754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4166179450376608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716666626307109,0.10074841293455536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346102409201178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190911459231908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590553678807584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bigpeachlittlepeach,2020/02/22,"I hate catching feelings for someone because it just makes me hate myself Falling for someone is always associated in my mind with anxiety, rejection, pain and sadness. I might get a rush of happy bubbly feelings at first but then it quickly becomes this horrible overwhelming mess of feelings. And it always culminates in me feeling rejected, hating myself intensely and then suddenly going ghost on someone in order to ‘cope’. I just feel worthless and unloveable. I know they’ll find someone else and they could never see me as anything but a friend who will also pathetically bend over backwards to gratify their sexual needs. I feel disgusted with myself and resentful of them as well. I don’t know how to cope with these feelings tbh. I am so unhappy.",6.816492537313433,8.889314380597014,7.159880597014929,67.5966865671642,65.6417910447761,9.837611940298508,38.02686567164179,10.125756701596842,4.578166567164178,613,33,88,15,10,199,91,134,0.326,0.5920000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9916,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,4,1,7,16,5,1,2,0,7,1,0,2,1,30,24,15,1,2,4,0,7,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,10,0,0,4,2,13,1,1,0,8,18,3,19,20,0,19,0,5,1,0,6,8,0,1,6,70,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112447288096604,0.231247981009578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630230836419592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435039899459262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847073625760872,0.15346793189575136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094646667331616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608138033034734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4918285413665192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700487796577822,0.11819740223600307,0.0,0.0,0.10735842300761632,0.0,0.07259969590643284,0.0,0.07897289900569968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792312264113722,0.0,0.4115760673954725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273510498983311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927553858388349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741222724827094,0.14030772824214827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303542054998788,0.107172793313387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786085710127636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073134620264953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4709538466786671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493971710910795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BadGRLMadGRLSadGRL,2020/02/22,"Seresta + painkillers = not trying to attempt suicide today? I just took some painkillers and seresta. Not because I’m trying to kill myself because I know this is just too small of an amount but I just don’t know what to do anymore. I cut myself yesterday but it doesn’t give me the same feeling of relief like it used to. I feel so misunderstood by my family, boyfriend, friends and therapists and I’ve have a rough childhood and a rough couple of years. I can’t seem to see the positive in things. While I am suicidal, I am still looking for a foolproof method and I’m just scared to do it honestly. Taking some of these meds will hopefully get me through another couple of hours of the horrible emotional pain that BPD manifests. Idk why I wrote this, I just needed to vent I guess.",3.6389210789210793,5.602780974025976,4.507922077922082,83.8423226773227,73.67532467532467,8.374825174825176,29.37862137862138,9.057496981413335,2.5694431568431564,626,27,121,14,13,202,97,154,0.187,0.639,0.174,-0.5064,0,0,1,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,0,1,8,9,2,1,7,0,10,1,0,1,0,27,28,9,3,2,9,0,4,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,6,16,5,17,25,4,10,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,5,8,80,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644095191721332,0.0,0.0,0.155494999527249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191157240324148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19747335808293945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34697354173528583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17636929158848766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14780903661962227,0.0,0.15855694883972846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211366948726243,0.0,0.08191706774827494,0.15040865767779768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272347260294127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572929997203785,0.15440800717858258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346652250111938,0.0,0.1723369745118096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660038866093599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316653394341155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741599685644805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162588826342106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668371705591403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697560630288135,0.0,0.12494249563291067,0.1427370586468279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521386436751986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430088230509116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788766674803013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18204697248783186,0.10416528063062336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861997316215073,0.0,0.17420108377556456,0.2129022217458492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135417481967312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141479907417862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009685611425908 bpd,musiclover255,2020/02/22,"I have an extreme attachment to my teacher. *This mentions: alcohol (only vaguely) , emotional neglect and attachment issues* I know I've already wrote about this previously on my account but I wanna post more about it onto here. Please don't come at me, as I haven't had a physical diagnosis of BPD by anyone, but I've never been taken to get an official diagnosis due to my controlling mom who believes that 'I'm fine'. So I just want to make it clear that I am NOT self diagnosing myself, but you all seem so nice and I can relate to alot of the topics talked about on here. So if you guys don't mind imma vent a lil' on here. :) *DISCLAIMER* I now live at my dad's rather than mom's so I'm not in any potential danger due to my mom's alcohol addiction (you'll see why that ties into this as you read on) So I have a really extreme attachment to my teacher to the point where it kills me to think about it. This teacher is honestly the nicest, most comforting teacher I've ever talked to and she's so down to earth as she's quite young too. She joined my school when I was moving into year 9 and as soon as I saw her I got immediate good vibes off her. She was extremely welcoming and I can even remember the first conversation we had, and for some reason it makes me happy when thinking about it. As a child, I was very neglected in terms of my emotional well-being. I was always told that my views and opinions were somewhat what distorted to events even though I was sure that's what happened. I would seek advice from my mom and all I would recieve was that 'you have it better than me' 'that's nothing you need to worry about' 'that's not even a problem' 'stop overreacting' etc etc. And to me, comments like that really cut deep. As I was neglected by my mom emotionally and still am, (my mom's also an alcoholic but I don't wanna go much into that) I think that's why I seek validation off people to the point where I ask people 10-15 times a day (sometimes more if I'm anxious) if I'm doing something right or if I'm making the wrong decision. The most common ones I use in school are, 'it's definitely Thursday right?' (whatever day of the week it is on that day, I just used Thursday as an example) or 'it's definitely period 3 right?' (that means lesson 3). I always second guess everything I do and no matter how much everyone tells me that 'I'm gonna be fine' I can't help but not be fine. So in a sense I can see why I've attached myself to this teacher, as one she's female, (not being sexist) two she's caring and loving and three I love being around her she has a kind, loving personality and you can tell she genuinely cares about people. But the issue is, my attachment to her has got so bad that my emotions kind of revolve around her. I know how insane this sounds because after all I am my own person and my emotions are my own but it's honestly so true. I can't let go. I just want love to replace that love my own mom never gave to me, and me talking to this teacher gives me some form of love and self worth. She really makes me feel like someone. She's my teacher and I'm the student; she's only meant to be there to teach me the material I need in order to pass my GCSE's but I just wish we could still remain in contact after I leave school, just to catch up let her know how I'm doing sorta thing. But this then starts up another stigma in my mind, that she hates me and only helps me as she has to because it's her job. I know full well she doesn't hate me but I've started to notice that she has become more restricted to what she says to me. Before she was really open with me, well as open as a teacher can be and obviously she didn't reveal personal stuff about herself but she was definitely more open than now and I think it's because she's starting to catch on, and maybe she is trying to slowly push me away without trying to hurt me. Also I take things to heart so much that I seem to put people off because I'm so so sensitive. And that's one of my fears. Abandonment. And I still feel abandoned because I can't help but push people away because I don't want them to know if I'm hurting, if that hurts them. yet I want them to be there to talk about my problems to lift a weight off my chest too. I can't win. I just feel lonely and alone. It sounds so creepy. It's so unhealthy and I can't stop it. The worst part is, I know she's catching on and I can see it's making her uncomfortable. And as my attachment is so strong I'm just so hyper-sensitive to everything around me the littlest thing can tip me over the edge. I notice the subtle things and then I create so many fears in my mind that I cannot control. This is affecting me so much to the point where I even get nightmares about the made up scenarios in my head and sometimes even the scenarios that have occurred in the past. It's wearing me down so much and I honestly wish that i wasn't so attached because this pains me everyday. Does anybody have any advice? Would be extremely appreciated.",2.3314366017106103,4.024080024248306,4.052531412573848,86.87526303897364,76.59456838021339,7.208187108720572,23.6460739793669,8.038860165869982,1.2218534432589725,3919,123,829,65,88,1317,367,1031,0.105,0.716,0.179,0.9977,1,3,4,0,0,0,91.0,2,7,3,8,76,52,5,2,34,0,73,17,4,15,10,162,151,94,1,23,34,8,4,2,0,5,6,3,0,7,61,44,4,10,22,1,2,11,23,22,2,7,24,12,151,30,120,111,28,104,0,9,5,6,85,52,0,19,41,593,212,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04749346550690196,0.0,0.08514455214801638,0.0,0.13967669336774632,0.0,0.04512132736450632,0.04807626042581183,0.0696795681865594,0.07250094890448314,0.0,0.0,0.059252866310538235,0.04568284089445408,0.0,0.049217277800230566,0.0,0.0304624210442909,0.0,0.0,0.1163491621287333,0.0407284104249596,0.0,0.08186354582828513,0.0,0.03637586295032147,0.1859023762026117,0.04811532035987688,0.037071531306249385,0.04908406131715744,0.0,0.03853066365665598,0.0,0.0,0.05486996156683323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883705859938132,0.0,0.0,0.037528326409480686,0.0,0.0,0.0977261423066815,0.034783975524014965,0.0,0.0,0.0842895660912851,0.0,0.0,0.04421866132142981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038124976385351436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24502992061758,0.0,0.0,0.09717540652561653,0.14387494815492846,0.03940801996421029,0.0,0.041629263183086435,0.0783087798096399,0.0,0.0,0.09804792010341032,0.06608496791756742,0.031123621310756168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03705729140960658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045522964744719584,0.04179256050648352,0.04951922253032767,0.03654116685887529,0.06968755934213645,0.0,0.047992956596367035,0.043137275653954775,0.038525346920542464,0.04637690979863079,0.0,0.08602498294190179,0.044711374154600206,0.0,0.0,0.05162602294551077,0.08760428949649207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991519180467113,0.0,0.0,0.09094335216148668,0.04323261906367307,0.0,0.04819942049484467,0.09073475111544502,0.14365669262639025,0.0,0.0,0.046130195765243104,0.0,0.08909855145224232,0.0,0.04256837907283418,0.0,0.03846965305427375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359205671086501,0.04122328497356712,0.1454035070913431,0.04416917432553119,0.04376799014617838,0.04745624065992195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196798594881698,0.3571685224792017,0.0,0.0463038559045135,0.16013043388897805,0.06460740308333501,0.06720170423146549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041802835531603716,0.09920055777621684,0.0,0.0,0.088564524302111,0.0994019171491006,0.04635738828452177,0.0,0.0,0.04717782681721407,0.04158875971787175,0.15101619647673648,0.11412068043274715,0.0,0.04782248095710947,0.12355210226688093,0.0,0.041724268638348924,0.0,0.0,0.08337372320294986,0.0,0.043795950543608034,0.0,0.04633789625911597,0.04357787667612915,0.0,0.11163820381270834,0.044793193433879434,0.0,0.0,0.049351883954003896,0.11161560096104796,0.0,0.03464550105613548,0.0,0.13227361800455684,0.10414959263359466,0.07932185888918555,0.09089786045795696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03691340420071127,0.033539302276192604,0.08617594819677987,0.0,0.0925089019937098,0.0,0.10437580024230192,0.07284639910862781,0.0,0.0,0.049872746604998464,0.0,0.0,0.041060521484013165,0.0,0.03275627561339828,0.1400670821449195,0.07615736071181478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577348965525068,0.11166155790272254,0.042803459353339485,0.0,0.025403735722183667,0.0,0.0,0.041629263183086435,0.0,0.05915702674069938,0.0,0.04255773667149533,0.0,0.0,0.07525422267750134,0.0,0.035946584445990935,0.10278562765913532,0.0,0.034946087185096814,0.05305175728423807,0.11751343306940484,0.0,0.11793485193942052,0.0,0.10019770016684523,0.041996153280129116,0.0,0.0,0.04424347617208692,0.0,0.09284429485632173,0.04763267709676127,0.0,0.028055131705541417 bpd,smalldoglady,2020/02/22,Can people with BPD be friends? Do you think that two people with BPD can sustain a long-lasting friendship?,4.058499999999999,6.817819850000002,3.0599999999999987,90.935,75.5,4.0,30.0,3.1291,0.9385,87,4,15,0,2,25,16,20,0.0,0.716,0.284,0.7476,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7371452017329673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260946343497162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23854244780482614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589791341467708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40576250260790603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875133025329416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858689024758733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,flitnex15,2020/02/22,"Scared and unsure Hi Reddit, I'm not sure if this is allowed in this sub but I really don't know where else to turn. I think I have BPD, I struggle daily with feeling empty and in a flare up I'm angry, terrified and feel like someone else. I compulsively self harm, drink and smoke weed. When I'm alone I don't know who I am but I feel like the whole world knows something is wrong with me. I don't really know what the point in posting is but I know I've tried to get help and I can't get past doctors saying I'm depressed. I've been medicated for 10 years now and it's not going away. How did you get your diagnosis? How did you get help?",0.17966426858513174,2.199168309352519,2.37076258992806,94.57034052757795,85.33093525179856,5.433285371702636,17.899760191846525,6.742157984588678,-0.1466205275779373,501,12,118,6,15,169,84,139,0.239,0.66,0.10099999999999999,-0.9678,1,1,3,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,0,0,5,8,0,2,3,0,12,3,0,3,1,27,31,13,0,1,6,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,8,1,0,9,1,0,1,6,5,0,0,3,4,15,3,10,28,1,14,0,1,0,0,9,8,0,1,6,63,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487150621621676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049155230082985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883320835230124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879289891371912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305377189421726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648580473062492,0.0,0.0,0.2498319371641665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22682574111715764,0.21365338268357872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125001204192564,0.0,0.08498327761918416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20045817292741736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4108982319557952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461089327212181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506391694985885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142746551029829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135739713266046,0.0,0.14321166302554886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19158985102627532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891496207179315,0.14970902041830358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559959489581531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669916516306207,0.11511811740363165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632477759890775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409334605092911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581496527763524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152336344843436,0.16264940037001652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694870174145549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349129952433575,0.0,0.09629460740885447 bpd,BionicGhostixs,2020/02/22,"What's my first step? Warning, I feel all over the place...I'm sorry for that Hi guys, I'm not sure where to start and I felt more comfortable asking here. I'm 27 yo and I've never been diagnosed with anything but I know I have a lot of problems. I'm not exactly sure what happened as a child but I know some sexual trauma happened that I'm confused about...I know I cant handle finances, school, work, my life, anything. I know I have suicidal thoughts. I've done what I'm not supposed and googled things. I've taken tests and everything points to BPD but I understand I'm not a doctor that can diagnose. I'm not close fo anyone in my family except my 11 yo sister and I feel like im dying inside for so many reasons. The daily nightmares are getting to me and I need to get help. I'm afraid of going to a therapist again and having them blame myself for everything I and doing saying I just need to get out more. She asked simple questions like what's my favorite color and didnt feel like she really cared to dive into my life. **Question:** where's your suggestion to start for help? I'm interested in seeing a psychiatrist just in case I need to have medicine prescribed but then I also have a mmj card and smoke...so theres that. I have since I was 18 but all of this started when I was about 13. Idk if I feel comfortable going to see just a licensed therapist because of my last experience. The last woman was just someone my insurance suggested to me...I also cant seem to find many people who *specialize* in BPD, mainly bipolar, is this ok? I know theres more than *just* a psychiatrist and I know theres more than...is it LDW for just a licensed therapist? Where do you suggest I start first? Should I do two types? I just have no one to turn to ask these things and I'm worried about continuing to live the way I am",0.6330717015572418,3.0603872144772164,2.626822200673093,90.36477382921684,88.3833780160858,5.748194626661342,20.804802920540755,7.211369081168443,0.7623029946951112,1433,48,297,24,47,478,184,373,0.09300000000000001,0.797,0.11,0.8863,0,0,1,0,0,0,51.0,0,2,1,3,21,15,0,2,13,1,23,6,0,1,6,67,69,24,2,6,19,1,5,3,0,1,6,1,0,3,15,16,0,0,18,0,1,3,10,4,0,4,9,9,40,11,37,59,9,29,0,0,3,0,22,12,0,7,16,186,55,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770648939783936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060202340079617764,0.0,0.14170408730446954,0.0,0.24147249607055085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05248507922731791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21687705528061674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877835482231839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747771053960314,0.08935704608712754,0.0,0.0,0.08812585388286506,0.0,0.08810904901322933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476024661550625,0.08422122751737053,0.08116636319230652,0.0,0.17413672655628254,0.1230181167764105,0.08266842867186393,0.0,0.07869281818687482,0.14647132981498484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494933647965995,0.0,0.09786395739572286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525142946621801,0.15227391372626475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542053121851308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300156702699157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28390616266621105,0.14036416032477095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216283729767781,0.12619069393014334,0.0,0.07602689006730605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731981904132404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745815048590763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152368978299733,0.06640476550091537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058342830589784574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059690123806011464,0.0,0.08995500630750479,0.0,0.08139127295461074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238500201067561,0.0,0.0,0.19290090462595205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05515714839308495,0.08852399027765076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846928659339513,0.0,0.08713666501965048,0.13721932312963495,0.07838118837716564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122188477742022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295130317963014,0.0,0.0,0.09638064919799884,0.2437649268528775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417820231642017,0.0,0.16229435438719267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29990231365283665,0.11440054266034375,0.0,0.0,0.06835289484068696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936508595230854,0.08410609689857043,0.08963197243317265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834128482967405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268101141056118,0.08743759384533986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DrKestrel,2020/02/22,"Going back to hell and I'm scared So that's actually the first time Im venting here, but been around for quite some time. You people are the best🖤 I don't know what to do about this illness and my life. I'm 22 m and been diagnosed around a year ago. After a 2 month of being quite stable it's all going back for the past 3 month, and I don't know how to survive it this time. It was horrible, was on the edge of suicide for a year, like I really said myself that if this is going to happen again in a short period, my body literally won't be able to handle this. My hair started turning gray and my heart is aching sometimes (not like psychological/emotional pain), and it was healthy as fuck before all of that. Ikr that it won't kill me, but am feeling the opposite And there's another issue - this time I am in relationship, and she is very supportive and loving, but I still can't find help in her. I feel very guilty every time I am in a bad mood/state, so it's almost every day. Lost all my friends since the last episode, so can't ask them for help as well Starting therapy/medication again, but in my country there's no such thing as therapy for bpd (like dbt), so don't think it will help Will appreciate any advice",6.090986425339366,4.803676270588237,6.914117647058827,80.42891402714932,66.68627450980392,10.355957767722474,30.20361990950227,9.466822959209583,2.2735158371040725,959,27,212,16,13,321,141,255,0.18100000000000002,0.682,0.13699999999999998,-0.9248,0,0,0,0,0,2,29.0,0,1,1,5,18,14,3,1,11,0,24,9,3,1,3,29,44,22,2,1,6,0,3,3,1,4,4,1,0,0,18,11,0,0,6,0,0,3,9,7,1,1,7,5,19,7,26,31,4,35,1,1,1,2,12,9,2,3,26,134,37,0,0.10855484961624036,0.0,0.10593387400013543,0.0,0.0,0.1060785426783742,0.09622732435996943,0.0,0.10870200117512582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738210202434527,0.11382922489432865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932736622461398,0.1014841305636504,0.0,0.0,0.1669439573278298,0.09063876509046302,0.0,0.0,0.09237218158095103,0.0,0.1139216173702458,0.0,0.0,0.12057996598457077,0.13672103294899232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000889748383303,0.0,0.0,0.11018088729885099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210959473496348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829242854679108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977718734849964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921716591232553,0.09233669962830343,0.0,0.0,0.08386920753155992,0.10035720924067172,0.0,0.0,0.1850826680532015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599469500774503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286380194664674,0.21828608237923025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725786569125968,0.11330305956399855,0.0,0.0,0.12009985736132388,0.0,0.11931781278901744,0.08848669106001003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667550063225442,0.1591032486157267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850044177752958,0.0,0.09797499004295454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057996598457077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329489058001354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551001367765534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362788719596756,0.07525826439363778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23092288969486235,0.0,0.0,0.06954301636995171,0.0,0.0,0.11654728296947126,0.0,0.0,0.10326052079547496,0.0,0.10868234201248676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979769337741733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736352201077903,0.0,0.15367136257423916,0.0,0.08669204312954533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874138631511515,0.1231867569113408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414193118512465,0.0,0.07211901850202485,0.0695575643813734,0.0,0.0,0.31649602893102785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807650407268845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791382394338975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760384671834067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398115280846195 bpd,azorlikerazor,2020/02/22,Is it common for people with bpd to push people away and self isolate while also never wanting anyone to leave them? I hope this isn’t a stupid question.. thanks,3.336344086021509,5.803677903225813,3.6658064516129047,87.18537634408602,76.41935483870971,4.133333333333334,20.010752688172047,3.1291,-0.21275053763440832,129,3,22,0,3,40,28,31,0.182,0.653,0.165,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,5,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,5,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,3,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331854902161813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038874456100569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739596636663095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36724908661454814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896159954389051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30875312787490944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22489321837674367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4043054424416319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32664903596804085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041933625900294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26845813045349065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719881279165031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,voidzbees,2020/02/22,"i feel really stupid i need help processing this.. maybe my whole mistake was going to a therapist instead of to an actual psychologist but i’ve suspected i have bpd for a long time now and i never really wanted to seriously consider it a possibility for me because it’s not something anyone should just claim they have, but i’ve been finding it harder to be with myself lately so i did more research and educated myself more on the condition and i just felt like i related to too many of the traits for me to ignore it. and i quite frankly just wanted to know what’s wrong with me because i know i’m not okay and i have so much trouble functioning in my day to day life. so i went to get a second opinion. this was my very first time going to see a therapist and maybe it was too soon but i wanted to find out what’s wrong with me so i could fix it. i tried bringing the topic up but i could not seem to find the correct words and she kind of rushed me into saying it so i started telling her some of the things i feel and experience and why i think i might have bpd but the therapist shot me down right away and told me that does not necessarily mean i have the condition and it stopped me mid sentence and i didn’t speak for what felt like hours but it was maybe only 3 minutes. it really shocked me because i thought the whole point of therapy was to have someone listen to you but i felt very judged at that moment. so i stopped talking and it was almost like i was trying my best to escape my physical body, that encounter didn’t feel real. i’ve been reflecting on this for a while now and maybe it’s my fault and i did not use the write words to express myself however she did not give me much room to elaborate she didn’t listen to me. everything she told me about myself i already knew before because i think i’m a pretty self aware person. i don’t know i just need help processing this. is this normal? am i crazy for considering a condition when i’m not even qualified to diagnose anyone? i just feel very invalidated. and frankly outraged because i’m back to not knowing how to help myself even though i am struggling to get by everyday.",2.4629347826086985,4.499090759725405,4.089056636155608,85.20470623569796,77.32951945080093,7.390594965675057,24.883810068649893,8.317959484511023,1.6267858581235703,1710,61,347,33,40,571,191,437,0.114,0.81,0.076,-0.9401,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,3,24,17,2,1,18,1,30,3,1,2,2,88,70,33,0,10,20,0,7,3,0,2,2,4,1,2,24,21,0,3,22,0,0,5,13,11,0,2,23,12,63,6,47,42,8,38,0,0,1,0,23,13,0,5,23,248,87,2,0.0,0.0,0.0755382777636665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751214647566425,0.0,0.08542078892153195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824985200663162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272662855461702,0.05952137188704708,0.0,0.2359336053797783,0.0,0.06586784044062052,0.0,0.08123409869999433,0.0,0.0,0.08598196798943011,0.19498336033709449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123606728342513,0.0,0.0,0.09984250257958227,0.0,0.0,0.07856669594672996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677395773216798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225347369855016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956861548273195,0.07571911160359415,0.0,0.0,0.1565576591682925,0.0,0.22296920246410304,0.0,0.2122463822365106,0.06584253932121947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088415213869804,0.07425605606375317,0.08798461065516744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556532778427777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623051634638531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060770486548594,0.17016392857677304,0.0,0.08731871250913162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05467500664065224,0.11345176885555125,0.0,0.0,0.06850295126986537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847876859560954,0.3110638152537431,0.08431915212448976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211682478133485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380642231316175,0.11479294131177632,0.05970121783059106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584263764900243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588716767068553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758899623561063,0.0,0.0,0.07317484038258262,0.08726500663143769,0.0,0.07875096818692609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823321036278572,0.0,0.08810635965557112,0.14876713619677226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610534045700385,0.0,0.06155732593560779,0.0,0.0,0.061683530082006485,0.07046862323550038,0.08075260932139038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558688385237281,0.059591857497550485,0.0,0.0,0.05478922667568612,0.0,0.0,0.12943179912160754,0.0,0.08092283022095789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06221698897119453,0.06765731960604178,0.0,0.08852189885898,0.26962723563927704,0.05142591548801465,0.09919883830166698,0.07605219778221223,0.06145268390683625,0.09027354156597296,0.0,0.0,0.14793182630370022,0.0,0.10510883853457224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685498220799121,0.0,0.19160718253966594,0.13697034659112495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175726576082843,0.06984797350974667,0.17284478704068895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692652806192642,0.0,0.0 bpd,plshelp_anon_ta,2020/02/22,"I’m going crazy with mood swings and I just want sex right now I accidentally started obsessing over a guy long story short I am dead to him so I’ve been doing a bunch of stupid shit to deal with it and I force myself to not think about him all day and all night long. I LITERALLY NEED SEX RIGHT NOW. But also I’m a virgin and my hormones are killing me. 22 f if that matters. Like I’m seriously going crazy. I need someone right now. Fuckkkkkk",0.1708064516129042,2.5099539569892464,2.277661290322584,92.53649193548388,90.0752688172043,4.820430107526882,18.502688172043012,6.42735559955562,-0.059737634408602684,350,10,77,4,12,117,63,93,0.273,0.677,0.05,-0.9723,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,3,1,3,0,4,4,1,0,2,17,14,8,2,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,1,0,11,1,8,13,3,15,0,0,0,3,4,5,1,1,9,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718266026136181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856945590769054,0.221515271283108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442242394118394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21274906588918635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377150974701899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497166020418333,0.0,0.0,0.3802956232179812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31863775463635524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20163523764962452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5504778520000512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22055473058957129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820535057774635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208179149959594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137676126849689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673230946904945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,A_Cuddly_Burrito,2020/02/22,"How do you decide if something is your fault or not? Alright here’s the situation. Friend came over. We were organising to do something with two of our other friends. It all became too confusing for my friend that came over so she was going to go home and just go to bed. Little did I know, when she left, she turned off her location (yknow via Snapchat?) and went to go and hang out with the two other friends. I didn’t get invited, she clearly was trying to make sure I didn’t know she went by turning off her location. I’ve had no response to if I’ve done something wrong or what I don’t know what to do, do I just get over this and pass it off? Should I be angry? Should I find out why I wasn’t invited or would that be annoying? I don’t know what to feel or what to do. I’m very new to this whole BPD thing and I’m not very good at knowing what to do yet. How do you know what to feel? I’ve got too many fighting thoughts that all range from being a good person to paranoia to brushing it off to standing up for myself and I don’t know what to do",0.9986514959966256,2.7318740442477925,2.5478508217446283,95.96387905604723,80.68141592920355,5.720691108301729,21.38137378845344,6.655083550727371,0.16523118415507865,818,24,195,8,21,267,112,226,0.122,0.802,0.076,-0.8292,0,0,3,0,2,0,20.0,2,3,0,0,10,13,2,1,3,1,27,0,0,3,4,46,53,16,0,5,10,0,2,0,4,3,0,1,2,1,18,13,0,0,12,0,0,10,9,5,0,2,15,4,24,8,34,32,3,27,0,0,0,0,18,13,0,7,3,136,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293987111363998,0.0,0.0,0.25961044380318543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614226404541185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477046853988168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037301181966602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507361949038773,0.0,0.11859032752183035,0.0,0.2580016855856971,0.19038430252179595,0.09077034561484222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384226325450078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43660769267266186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233099681393102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374933266498573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575714642260993,0.1150636141342518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961179466379208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909730136885432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757036116694087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621162877302743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696536832151496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539939530275197,0.0,0.0,0.09010039320323808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705397941168766,0.2468945693234491,0.2217314253920976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872864496698086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21041742847363776,0.10240935753462573,0.1267103589739518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062183850347554,0.12408626743278475,0.0,0.0 bpd,bammrwolfe,2020/02/22,"advice: day to day thoughts hi everyone, so i have been really well for about 2 years now. sometimes I just struggle to understand how I used to act, i just find it hard to process that I didn't realise how I treated people and that I wasn't able to stop myself. i feel like a completely different person to who i was a few years ago, i always describe my experience as out of body with BPD, only because i feel more myself now than i ever have. it took me a long time to realise what I was doing to the people around me and i have this guilt now for my actions that keeps me striving for the best. i want to live a long, healthy and worthwhile life. i believe that everything has happened to me to guide me to where I am now, but i cant help but feel sorry for the people I hurt... does anyone else feel like this?",4.689467455621301,4.506608627218935,5.593899408284024,85.05783136094676,69.23668639053254,8.41680473372781,29.32603550295858,7.908726449838941,1.7129876923076919,634,21,137,7,10,209,98,169,0.057999999999999996,0.841,0.10099999999999999,0.6774,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,14,8,0,2,7,0,12,2,1,3,1,24,23,9,0,1,4,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,10,6,0,2,7,0,0,3,3,3,1,0,7,5,28,5,23,16,3,20,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,16,100,38,0,0.13685355865430554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373171363342098,0.12131242247581545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387312391038874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569119021482142,0.14022264344667318,0.0,0.12182868184166988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834246591268573,0.0,0.0,0.15418709633049146,0.14361936661409053,0.0,0.0,0.15201345223857113,0.17236226633916255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434883525011263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17651844743919473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429828409985879,0.0,0.0,0.11976147141824008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143235875905798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379187881691585,0.0,0.13076944002460242,0.12299515415008687,0.13386904050294565,0.0,0.0,0.2767890849798572,0.1955364192945397,0.0,0.0,0.12508167329877665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101914995218425,0.0,0.12259390777587552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173005561677326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650456501205808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216417309731382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666371571809187,0.13371947203646892,0.0,0.12084419956517566,0.24222218575743634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408329821413598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846310783026069,0.11949524872910575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876718940095947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535166884554195,0.1531963545476228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441570293170973,0.0,0.14306905359872438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864643888067599,0.07980041059849116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204933916039318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246938095909994,0.0,0.11819753469744178,0.0,0.0,0.08071977464774979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304778468189174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625840970640574 bpd,notsookie,2020/02/22,"ex/fp: making amends i'm so frustrated with myself. my ex/fp reached out to make amends recently. he said he was a better person now, and was making amends with everyone. this is something he has done several times prior, so my immediate assumption was that this was an attempt to absolve him of guilt. i even called him out on it, prepared for a violent outburst, but he approached it rationally and seemed genuine enough. this lasted about a day. i carry a lot of wounds and anxiety from that relationship so naturally i was hoping for some sorta closure. when i tried to initiate that conversation, he tore into me for being insecure, immature, and holding grudges for 3+ years of emotional turmoil that reduced me into a fit of anxiety. i questioned the ingenuity of his apologies and told him to take responsibility for his actions and he blew up, saying that it was my responsibility to take care of my emotions. how can someone be sorry without feelings of remorse or empathy? i feel like he just wanted to change the narrative and gain control over the situation again. i feel so stupid. i should've told him to fuck off five years ago.",5.588631516587673,7.453542848341236,6.665921208530808,70.75964010663509,68.38388625592417,9.635189573459717,34.51451421800948,9.978442167317967,3.8496656398104254,915,45,152,23,16,306,131,211,0.136,0.736,0.128,-0.4149,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,4,11,11,4,3,9,0,12,2,0,5,0,33,29,15,0,2,4,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,11,13,0,2,5,0,0,2,1,7,0,1,10,5,21,4,32,17,3,22,0,0,0,1,23,9,1,7,12,108,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681207083154222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188775865655156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265229614613995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607796570626586,0.0,0.14585691855286753,0.0,0.15133613915326602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604514400143687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922604190193118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639775499868812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218414453427918,0.0,0.14781690573492573,0.0,0.09448829993107218,0.0,0.0,0.13669781834838038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21700290250691906,0.10220049087993713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225459204369389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208863270303396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166111664123002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989079441895442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216225900344913,0.0,0.0,0.286476492925276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249125162667415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16025742923530614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125227738145366,0.15359049419123924,0.0,0.0,0.13608068772891185,0.11376527105779775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302344099846476,0.0,0.1616145467371897,0.0,0.0,0.1608029138463291,0.0,0.0,0.12121237409023625,0.11013285125702482,0.0,0.16014144773920533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151232604755326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341812911385431,0.0,0.0,0.2733956366967608,0.0,0.09712682710555308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437917215095796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379025736576153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18424901160307552 bpd,spacemancrazyhorse,2020/02/22,"Quick question about posting a long story for advice (First post was removed by auto mod for mentioning another subreddit.) Hey, so I feel really awkward about this, but I wanted to make a post regarding my relationship with my pwBPD and ask for advice and opinions, but I'm not sure if that would be welcome in this sub. I browsed (redacted) and that sub is just toxic and full of anger and hate, not for me. I've spent a lot of time in this sub reading all of your experiences, and I'd like some advice from people who have experienced all kinds of relationships while struggling with BPD themselves. I didn't want to write out my whole story and our texts only for it to be removed or unwelcome and waste my time. So is this kind of post okay in this sub, if I write out my experience and relationship with my pwBPD and ask for insight and advice? I really do want to respect the sub for people with BPD and just wanted to make sure I wouldn't be intruding... Thanks.",8.184126984126987,6.651895455026455,8.146031746031749,74.06285714285717,62.7037037037037,11.362962962962966,34.75661375661376,10.25414643259724,3.2758296296296296,767,26,149,14,9,249,102,189,0.162,0.772,0.067,-0.9555,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,1,0,1,7,14,2,2,4,1,11,0,0,2,4,47,24,20,0,8,9,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,18,0,0,3,1,1,2,4,5,0,1,3,2,16,9,30,16,6,18,0,0,0,0,14,6,0,7,7,102,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4227628997265176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341307104834235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20222621950697275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724423756384443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115985139537173,0.0,0.0,0.0546879237726536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919991213595269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067836118693176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252597818639361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052840525081992135,0.0,0.0,0.09571640754339876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195204565469192,0.0,0.0,0.14439258117531495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225901652379497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996624802767727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4143417835553801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116168916785447,0.0,0.1081872477025774,0.0,0.13857754129140748,0.0,0.0,0.3483635761249868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130702028658698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20387522969981106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957733522829552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613557423059032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551775122608273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075452058235878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683232480587389,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Zaydin89,2020/02/22,"New Here So... I'm not sure where to start... Well, I guess first I should say I'm completely new to Reddit. I guess I just need somewhere to get it out and to know I'm not alone. I'm 30 years old and was recently diagnosed with BPD about a year ago with unyielding support from my sadly now ex, I was able to realize that there wasn't something right in my head. My whole life had honestly felt like a fuck up after fuck up and damaged relationships. I'm coming to understand my illness more and more but I'm finding it hard to resolve who I am now with what I have done. The mother of my wonderful son was the recipient of so much emotional abuse from me that I'm not sure if I can ever forgive myself. We are separated and she is taking her time to process what has happened. She doesn't trust me and I can understand why I've lied, cheated and abused her and she truly and unconditionally loved me and honestly with her I don't know if I ever would have made it to this point to be able to see my illness and become a better person. I've come to accept the fact that she may not be able to forgive me for what I have done it scares me but I know that it is highly unlikely I put her through hell. I am a different person today than i was a year ago. I don't know how else to describe it but you can't see the forest through the trees and i feel so much guilt now that i can see it and have stopped warping reality to what i feel. Anyway thanks for reading... Love to hear your thoughts I'm sure everyone has gone through something similar when diagnosed",2.6231766381766377,4.073973919753089,4.1292592592592605,87.65320512820514,75.23456790123456,7.577207977207978,25.73314339981007,8.263242389622931,1.4792482431149099,1226,43,268,21,26,408,161,324,0.162,0.6859999999999999,0.151,-0.45799999999999996,1,1,2,0,2,0,23.0,1,2,0,3,17,25,4,2,10,0,31,10,1,2,6,63,71,23,0,5,10,3,4,1,0,3,5,2,0,2,18,21,0,1,17,1,0,4,9,8,1,1,12,9,43,17,36,54,5,33,1,2,3,4,24,8,3,6,22,182,61,1,0.2724000879647388,0.2151663740307998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097749486661736,0.0,0.0,0.09404144652109088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028149858968637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803052471488213,0.0,0.0,0.11435945832481642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643237055297274,0.09520210320082546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18432023687160293,0.0,0.09486670483994816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858399101856148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585177329289887,0.10213781163694902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16426764984230474,0.0,0.08676331916654095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182244612121937,0.0,0.08718226749478575,0.0,0.0829895818186957,0.07723445855571913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788632795124106,0.047439267687519784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20005293836708327,0.0,0.08029416605737097,0.0,0.08133899132878934,0.0,0.09318702589303414,0.0,0.10233823219054317,0.0,0.0,0.0959352162457913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19960528595691035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413474598571896,0.044360307839885066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16390114306511527,0.08591718319694022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349693827327566,0.06732707121895735,0.0,0.17539046825915466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527935656402027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856616656640946,0.0,0.0,0.08583537687205448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127910860456838,0.0,0.0,0.09082460109904904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965407475790227,0.0974852505290121,0.0,0.0775427289176976,0.0,0.07220782776283936,0.09090666954408808,0.0,0.217067602349618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980459731964173,0.0,0.0,0.06426872809900015,0.0,0.0,0.07591289026901413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303879724509936,0.25673385918414304,0.0,0.06827032184675208,0.0,0.0,0.08359646763063705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208508081963727,0.05294622729190628,0.0,0.08606781082810115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18905206551757556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816401310052428,0.0,0.08193290342161705,0.10137499008155616,0.0,0.0,0.09846875852932258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450173564993852,0.0,0.0,0.17541672566159236 bpd,angeljaw,2020/02/22,"what to do when you don't know what the fuck to do i sent this as advice to a friend who also has bpd, and she told me that i needed to share it, so here i am, sharing this is what i do when i start feeling chronically empty & falling into unhealthy behaviors to keep myself stimulated: wake up early. set a few alarms so you know you'll wake up, but not so many that it upsets you & puts you in a bad mood. i'd have coffee personally, but since coffee can be bad for your anxiety, pick something else you enjoy. a tea, a juice, anything--a (nonalcoholic) substance that you can equate with starting your day & that home-y feeling you get when you're cozy in your house before the world has woken up. fall into some sort of routine. don't make your day about seeking the next thrill, or finding the next way to stimulate yourself. believe in the fact that you're stimulating enough all on your own, and that no matter what you do, you'll be able to have an interesting time. i write for 20 minutes every morning, even if i have nothing to say & i end up scrapping it. take your time in the shower, and keep yourself listening to music that makes you feel things, good things, and if you stop feeling things then find better music be your normal, intentional self, but let your day unfold instead of trying to control it. allow yourself to be pulled towards what makes you feel warm on the inside. if you feel like spending an extra hour doing a menial task, do it, take all of the time you need. write down all of the things you think of throughout the day that you'd be sad if you forgot, keep them in the notes on your phone, or in a journal. whatever is accessible for you. go through them every few days and realize the crazy, beautiful shit your brain can produce on the fly if substances are becoming a problem, and by a problem i mean a necessity to function, don't feel pressured to cut yourself off from them but do limit how much time you spend with them. because i have a substance abuse problem, i use a sort of reward system for myself. for example, i won't allow myself to smoke or have a drink until i've done 3 or 4 important things i really needed to knock out that day. when you do indulge yourself, be mindful of how your body reacts. if your mind is repeating the mantra of ""i'm not feeling it enough, i need more"", then you ARE feeling it enough, and you do NOT need more. keep yourself at a comfortable and happy level, even if it takes some self control, because it will make for better experiences and eventually better memories",7.515677290836653,6.327119834661352,7.543590438247013,76.74344143426295,63.800796812749006,10.024031872509962,34.02422310756972,8.841846274778883,2.7206628525896406,2015,70,389,25,25,651,237,502,0.109,0.741,0.15,0.9577,1,0,4,0,1,0,66.0,0,35,4,8,15,28,3,3,30,0,41,9,5,18,4,95,82,38,0,16,18,0,10,1,1,4,1,2,1,3,31,14,2,9,16,1,2,6,8,12,0,0,5,12,58,15,58,65,15,58,0,1,0,1,54,23,2,15,27,274,89,2,0.06954370837467293,0.08239792255263904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795730695509619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055614078461776136,0.0,0.3014023158756146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05320074655712436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613218330042495,0.08478639828767265,0.07680556212814889,0.059176573690697135,0.07835194471947296,0.0,0.18451727594364534,0.0,0.07724738249745082,0.08758786620497802,0.0776337780313694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599836472749098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26909963216528715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116735872712035,0.0,0.06812635864088852,0.0,0.0,0.05809484469328799,0.0,0.06159508395372663,0.2155717228682501,0.0,0.09186592699827414,0.0,0.11718714740241915,0.0,0.0,0.0680270911818283,0.0,0.0,0.3164704965798407,0.04968203915835631,0.0,0.0,0.1271233791278919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05372929657964486,0.0642920377799978,0.03633371731505435,0.0,0.039523292104715016,0.05832996310577995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403057072484197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975800974718804,0.0,0.06848654423577859,0.08024410234735499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24725457337517914,0.0,0.0,0.0764388067952503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111315354350037,0.0,0.033975543123470175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856838614233592,0.07050640497527605,0.0,0.07575348585673114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043864155127886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05112262745702651,0.25782889287345395,0.0,0.0,0.1479210456252695,0.0,0.06813806867979884,0.06672906378968553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060722883726885765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19963181049478645,0.0,0.0699106350176867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04455148035324159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05530394817960786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450985095080283,0.0,0.07138561727665899,0.05752727421238255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053538144305010055,0.0,0.0,0.09844678945419223,0.0,0.0,0.058141654162353784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686464162937988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23100874851297865,0.04456080027462066,0.0,0.0,0.1622059824358402,0.0,0.0,0.06645199358214951,0.0,0.04721561301749355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06006343543004075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055200558714638435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,burneraccntletgo,2020/02/22,"Yikes So long story short I instastalked my on-off bf flings and I kinda wanna be friends with her?? I mean she seems pretty cool, but I feel like I’ve exhibited some creepy af behavior",3.4493693693693714,5.160716459459461,4.209189189189189,86.8518018018018,73.5945945945946,7.095495495495496,23.144144144144143,7.793537801064563,0.9838900900900902,147,4,30,2,3,47,33,37,0.0,0.7440000000000001,0.256,0.8062,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,9,4,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,3,2,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,3,2,14,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21688427611015834,0.3064338664579557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313969469024408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20955776414790828,0.0,0.0,0.3795972187244665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4672399515397465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4363848263682967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.390489648864304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,faggotpop13,2020/02/22,"dating There’s a guy. He’s amazing. We’ve been friends for a long time. But BPD. It’s so hard to date people. I feel like I’m doing great, but I’m starting to dive into some intense therapy, and I don’t want to end up losing myself and subjecting him to it. (Trauma therapy, I was sexually assaulted.) I have a past with suicidal thoughts, but I’ve been free of them since around March 2019. This is the best I’ve been in a long time. I don’t know what I’m doing and I just want to date him but I’m scared. I don’t want to hurt him, I don’t want to be hurt, and I’m also tired of people leaving me. He’s legit amazing I’m just terrified of people and myself at all times. I’m just wondering if there’s any way I can approach it. Maybe I’m too sensitive right now? Idk. Advice??",-0.5735964912280664,1.4385217426900605,2.235728070175437,94.26201315789477,88.88304093567251,5.525263157894738,18.49152046783626,6.961326702584282,0.14695766081871353,602,17,142,9,20,210,93,171,0.19399999999999998,0.636,0.171,-0.8799,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,2,10,13,1,1,5,0,14,1,0,0,1,26,31,12,1,5,8,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,4,0,1,1,4,6,0,0,5,2,16,8,17,25,3,21,0,3,0,0,8,6,0,3,14,79,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919054958424462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390907751584202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686396625667999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680164427675644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948180971308914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17939797470252655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261594075950057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202185594299887,0.1017590402675454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004865635180698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570404111951023,0.0,0.141037822253221,0.0,0.0,0.12759810620373188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049695598237345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828120333274118,0.0,0.0,0.1508232092132173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958890414689069,0.0,0.0,0.2521095276584327,0.0,0.1593537307734654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430999505888246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597493146935355,0.29624952183215764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164283326028355,0.0,0.0,0.14260711481196525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782769612980665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081964208784648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580605089671365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257847099294597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308131128585976,0.24917342430905234,0.16371362642282955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360587998246906,0.11306210397543867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446991539132898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lazermania,2020/02/22,"I met my celebrity obsession/crush and now I’m a mess I’m somewhere between delusions+fantasies and reality and I just don’t know how to stay steady. I’m a 25F I’m new to BPD (misdiagnosed before) so I dunno if this is my obession or FP so I’m just gonna say crush in the story. So a year and a half ago I figured out how to come in contact with my celebrity crush by engaging in this online community I know he’s interested in. Anyway we got to chatting on the online thing and I knew it was him and he had no idea who I was- just someone with a shared interest as far as he knew. And by “chatting” I mean I was initiating 90% of our interactions which was me saying something and him responding. I went in between thinking this was going somewhere and reminding myself not to get obsessed even though I ended up listening to every interview I could find of him ever which made me more obsessed and fall in love even more. Then possibly the worst and best thing happened: HE suggested meeting in person. Now. I know he’s a friendly guy and he has met some of his fans before but like I’m just some random online person so obviously I start fantasizing about our fate and future because there MUST be something special about me, right? I met him 6 months ago at an event he was at that he invited me to. He was really drunk, hugged me and said I was really sexy. (This made me swoon but honestly he was all over a lot of girls and I ended up making friends with strangers there and hanging out with them instead, trying to not be desperate for someone who’s not interested in ME) he’s so drunk that the next day I message him from our online community saying that it was cool to meet him, and he reacts saying he doesn’t remember meeting me. I tried not to be heartbroken. Anyway, he says that we should meet again properly and that anytime I’m in his city I should tell him. And he gave me his number and we texted for one day and then I was left on read. I’m trying to be realistic and realize that this is a fuckboi who probably gets off on the power of celebrity and getting any girl he wants. That he’s not really interested in me. But at the same time I have to fight REALLY hard not to be obsessed even more now. I check what he’s up to DAILY and I just keep feeling like maybe he would have liked me more if I had more going for me or was better looking and it makes me feel terrible. It all just makes me feel really bad and I definitely split with him a lot. I’m trying to let go of this but then I keep thinking of ways to get him to talk to me again. But I’m literally nobody to him and I need to move on but I can’t. Haven’t had an exchange with him since we met 6 months ago. But today and yesterday I spent hours fantasizing about meeting again and how it’d go different somehow. Tldr: i have a celebrity crush/fp/obsession. I tricked him into forming a very shallow online relationship with me. We met in person 6 months ago. He hit on me. We texted the next day. And we haven’t spoken since. Crushed my confidence. I’m trying to stop being even MORE obsessed and delusional about us having a future together and just move on.",2.224980300906949,4.224751319812796,4.055230968560778,85.33929638541473,77.92355694227768,7.216277532457231,24.43694968137709,8.17336443882689,1.4938845077870908,2480,87,509,46,59,837,257,641,0.062,0.809,0.13,0.9914,2,0,2,0,1,0,49.0,11,0,1,3,37,28,2,4,21,1,40,4,0,9,5,121,97,57,0,9,24,0,4,3,2,5,0,7,0,6,26,50,2,3,16,5,3,10,12,10,0,2,29,13,81,18,77,53,16,78,0,0,1,2,90,31,0,11,38,348,107,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682652307251676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05145007709529387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317132215657982,0.046120452819447336,0.0,0.12875887784067644,0.0,0.07939846912424055,0.06691340821482633,0.0,0.0,0.09528868149716138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517272183613274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06040680675301253,0.0,0.0,0.14637957431450688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904657257560116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402117418688736,0.0,0.0,0.1998857475918852,0.06843704926291122,0.06374518097208409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476496938998396,0.054050135145558,0.0,0.0,0.06915009869182155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690646320490727,0.0,0.15811286046127426,0.0,0.17199288240550456,0.0,0.06051066427647419,0.0,0.0,0.07491337706585137,0.0669041750249414,0.0,0.06777476346569447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450795165225131,0.0,0.0,0.08540874371332519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449672489980646,0.0,0.0,0.12473907797382255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220270655001734,0.07736549515211517,0.0,0.11088812346936999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353371773970454,0.0,0.0,0.12864355878367958,0.06828435551956136,0.14317897661832327,0.1515070331396649,0.0,0.07600869316684655,0.08241381025550679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18116863160028573,0.16082509451009594,0.0,0.056099494869046085,0.0,0.07307102845885839,0.16092641611255834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051267861365228484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981851063764649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529309791743077,0.0,0.0,0.08157218802339992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567853689593726,0.0,0.2423424616642735,0.0,0.0,0.08122844515357605,0.08570583643748228,0.06461157219958417,0.07196814319697213,0.3008316409540904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517026267074505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820966209619894,0.11649054604641622,0.0,0.0,0.05355116622412633,0.08064142826557848,0.0,0.06325352820251443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06081108496170154,0.0661284816073125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052771012183878,0.09695726334261633,0.07433366251458189,0.0,0.0441168248153546,0.0,0.0717149970216076,0.0,0.0,0.2568342914067625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100733395628563,0.0,0.0,0.06242582532179701,0.044625085642567,0.060053848617739124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013578215463671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05374531704149674,0.0,0.0,0.0487213118637608 bpd,celtic2019,2020/02/22,BPD and a parent Recently I have been diagnosed with BPD. Are there any parents here with BPD. I am so scared it is going to affect my kid’s life. How do other BPD parents dealt with their mood swings/ anger/ annoyance and having kids ?,2.317173913043476,4.88605984782609,3.1327826086956527,88.98830434782612,80.95652173913044,6.288695652173913,22.243478260869566,7.554174236665415,1.0578052173913042,187,6,36,3,5,59,38,46,0.131,0.8690000000000001,0.0,-0.722,3,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,2,1,1,0,7,2,0,2,0,7,8,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,4,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065048162175473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7890136678839592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896278747910145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900895472613413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062309998283952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5217133719547632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464022696871385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15680077062006118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,darcij97,2020/02/22,"“We will talk soon”??? Ugh JUST TELL ME WHEN WE CAN TALK. Can I call you tomorrow, or will that annoy you? Should I ask if I can call you tomorrow, or will that annoy you?!! Or did you mean next week, a month from now, or never??!! *overthinking to the point of insanity*",-0.7850000000000001,1.3753489259259304,1.4647222222222247,96.58375000000002,96.77777777777777,5.662962962962964,14.157407407407408,7.1686216300943375,-0.1984370370370372,198,4,47,4,8,66,35,54,0.18600000000000005,0.8140000000000001,0.0,-0.894,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,2,5,0,0,4,3,2,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,1,11,10,6,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,11,0,3,5,0,10,0,0,0,0,13,1,0,5,9,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546326635950609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5562480495243947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966948338361562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21740610739197053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21007140676547176,0.0,0.2896725448097657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574812075463452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.437847363012872,0.2380666395776539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184817715525968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,imhuie,2020/02/22,"Question for those of you who are dating someone with BPD Is the angry outbursts for no reason, sometimes to the extreme normal? She’s always so angry at me for nothing at all. It’s so much on me but I love her with my whole heart.",2.428750000000001,4.028024375000005,3.84,88.905,76.08333333333334,4.800000000000002,24.5,3.1291,0.3001499999999999,182,6,36,0,4,60,39,48,0.11199999999999999,0.778,0.11,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,1,1,7,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,10,3,3,4,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,1,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384868347291635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3609818534382173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33964043196595184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586814386451524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106951751613751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808220748770381,0.2750150468173945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32107465675281344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946881959719149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428481574359499,0.0,0.283469794889313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31999567283696984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MadManV,2020/02/22,"Looking for a new outlet Hello, I’m newish to reddit and don’t really remember much about how things work but I’m here again as a way to talk about the things I’m dealing with in life as an individual with BPD, among the many other titles I hold. I’m a man in my 30s and I got my BPD diagnosis on a February exactly 10 years ago while in service in the Marine Corps. Before you form any preconceptions of me with regard to my military history understand that I consider that only one small part of who I am. Of course, what about my identity is any kind of larger part? I’ve spent the last decade working largely on my own to conquer this disorder and I’ve learned quite a bit along the way. I made some serious mistakes early on and I’ve suffered in some incredible and even hilarious ways and I’ve grown and gained insight that has me able to reflect on myself and the nature of my demons. I feel like I know who I really am and how to balance the whirlwind within. But, all that said, the chaos remains and I struggle with it despite everything. The bad feelings still hit hard when I least expect it, the fear and ideations still creep up when I think I’ve gotten myself into a good headspace. I have excellent coping mechanisms but those are just salves for hurts you can never plan for. So, here I am to share my experiences with people who can relate on a medium that isn’t populated with people I’m certain I will alienate if I spend too much time airing my woes. Here I won’t be made to feel like venting is a manipulation tactic or some act of pretension (well, no more pretentious than any other form of public expression). I need the catharsis of anonymity with discourse, especially right now. Thank you for your time and attention. V",5.154889086069208,6.094604172011664,6.0511598428191125,78.24053492204334,68.50437317784257,9.230523513753328,29.7818481429839,9.43228470229965,2.6001518316643426,1393,51,265,28,23,460,198,343,0.114,0.7879999999999999,0.098,-0.667,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,4,0,7,19,17,0,2,20,0,15,1,0,5,4,54,36,25,0,4,6,0,4,2,0,2,1,1,0,1,17,21,0,1,11,0,2,2,5,8,1,1,6,6,33,9,48,26,14,37,1,3,1,0,15,17,0,5,17,183,50,6,0.11659993159712374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335880412355246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378758556042091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735607250120183,0.0,0.0,0.09921795379839624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729692618654154,0.0,0.2937070641449381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020940959081924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363362335463555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701315513975501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479250011250356,0.11405710687469198,0.0,0.13120733975735552,0.17686928655435333,0.16659802886150635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779849057738264,0.09325561690468273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445063615042112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482263835186662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214208858775088,0.06408027305413208,0.09504450663721832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235797995669246,0.11392967377662892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791457609840934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206593490911993,0.0,0.11821402955655888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17142873176793166,0.08645737184689865,0.08992905540547537,0.1126129405166649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901113128015905,0.08867950217376007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25253272667859805,0.0,0.1616714225377844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401837982281587,0.0,0.0,0.14939380378600653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208499270130555,0.09957570449274128,0.11091323606453128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18623371198346975,0.0,0.0,0.12189556506466245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371860829085887,0.0,0.10734955131976916,0.0,0.0,0.15492762698148055,0.07471252806855082,0.0,0.0,0.13598071557218838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138464091005205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776547952651567,0.0,0.0,0.10483734159465946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16977227780237816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508653306962491 bpd,brokenbychoice96,2020/02/22,"""Risky behavior"" Who relates to the drug use / risky behaviors side of BPD...don't know how to explain ""why""",3.647368421052629,6.460944526315793,3.6413157894736834,85.87671052631579,77.42105263157895,8.010526315789475,30.552631578947373,8.841846274778883,2.899189473684211,82,4,15,2,2,25,17,19,0.184,0.816,0.0,-0.3818,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5752652864896701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5296892737904859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510198843472855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3944885391928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4121491641372958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nomadicyarn,2020/02/22,has lamictal made your mood worse? I’m on 100mg and I feel as much if not more depressed than before starting it.,0.2324999999999981,2.5502272500000025,1.788333333333334,96.49000000000002,89.0,4.866666666666667,20.5,6.42735559955562,0.1651000000000007,90,3,20,1,3,29,23,24,0.124,0.759,0.11699999999999999,-0.0467,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,5,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,3,4,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926354812238213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39742142904234495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333084379099709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4366079242724649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391976956613028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32659632132743394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4702276534169671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Cocksuckin,2020/02/22,"How many times have you said, after a stream of messages: ""I'm probably just making it worse"", ""I'm sorry, I didn't mean to dump on you"", ""That came out wrong"", ""It doesn't matter, I'm just complaining"", ""It's okay if you don't know how to respond, I know I'm a lot"", ""You deserve better than me""... So much self doubt. So much questioning and analysis fueled by my own distrust in my emotions and reactions. So much distrust in other people... I can't trust myself, I can't trust how people will react, I can't trust anybody. I feel so lost.",1.625454545454545,3.4252515454545467,3.503636363636364,89.53545454545456,79.0,6.218181818181819,21.909090909090907,7.1686216300943375,0.672381818181818,410,12,87,5,10,138,68,110,0.217,0.7190000000000001,0.064,-0.9264,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,4,0,2,9,12,3,1,2,1,8,0,0,5,0,20,20,10,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,5,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,4,2,14,5,10,15,5,7,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,4,2,56,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17898132438732026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314593140439497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276409256661145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232521285192522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22243638930013526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209126180185124,0.17204918370829106,0.0,0.0,0.13508468217247582,0.20517314179488227,0.0,0.2204421101967957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4462994572980513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28059811364991033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181909221949428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22670262058474805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925018307502126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111178202601316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22653855137915266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800456655660213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062340528949045,0.0,0.2212616867142696,0.0,0.0 bpd,iamcringyimsorry,2020/02/22,"Anyone else try to cope by writing metaphors? *I made a throwaway because I'm really quite embarrassed about this, but sometimes I write things resembling poetry or whatever you could call this and I just would like to know if I'm insane or if these kinds of thoughts/imagery are normal for people with bpd. I know, I love run-on sentences, sorry in advance.* ***Trigger warning for animal abuse and generally just... bad feelings, I guess?*** I am a fly and you are a child who has me caught between your cupped hands. I am a fly and I am not alive; I do not register as important or deserving of love, but you love me anyway, in the way that you rip the wings from my back and examine them. You love me anyway, in the way that you admire my beauty and ignore my anguish, not purposefully, not out of any sense of malice. But because you are young and clumsy, you love me only for what little I can give, for what you can rip from my grasp, tearing through flesh and sinew so easily, so thoughtlessly. You love me although I hate you with every cell of my body, and you love me because you are ignorant of it, and even if you did know, even if my screams would reach your ears, you would not care. You graciously love me, and then you leave me, wingless, begging for mercy, on the floor, on the counter. To be eaten, to be vacuumed up like I never existed in the first place. You leave me, and I exist as a fragment of knowledge to you—a pretty shape to be admired and then picked apart. To me, you are everything, you have taken everything; I only exist in the ways that I exist for you.",3.6619962486602375,5.1517431350482354,4.564714630225083,85.41605372454451,72.63344051446946,7.755680600214363,26.463156484458732,8.344100000000001,1.7010224008574502,1229,42,246,20,24,398,157,311,0.14,0.65,0.21,0.9892,0,0,0,0,1,0,54.0,0,23,1,3,10,21,1,2,12,0,21,13,4,3,1,55,43,30,0,9,17,0,2,2,0,3,0,2,1,1,11,16,1,2,7,0,0,2,6,7,0,1,5,4,56,14,39,31,0,25,0,0,0,8,39,14,0,8,8,181,67,0,0.0,0.11365008335943327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522921541947113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706982963770253,0.09828186676541097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375692803759251,0.08008959391163414,0.17541670228975004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654602917354904,0.12080848627113625,0.0,0.09794553428130932,0.0,0.09779732177413013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765846978848363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012925250545709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670914433037586,0.0,0.0808171411265306,0.0,0.17241428425313024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04850027660200221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158991099437961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201566445483003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566722251156244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470161518204312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988641892061233,0.15814616124501266,0.0,0.0,0.20313187626356252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372380245867584,0.09613751982946572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6925758230006832,0.09076227711066254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397978722069401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398170421666664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590369424145874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649918307873158,0.0,0.10021648560710082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758561184504323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202323719935916,0.0,0.0,0.06144911545187851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948678070600814,0.10737512384953783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372530450263765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512370930076346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284116360602961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20441746996380505,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,uglygirl9696,2020/02/22,"BF away for weekend and a blow-up is brewing My boyfriend (M24) and I (23) have been together for nearly two years and I still constantly need reassurance and am scared of him cheating on me. He’s currently away with guy friends (who have all been so kind to me) for the weekend at a party location and i am terrified he is cheating on me. I’m scared of him getting too intoxicated and then cheating on me and not telling me. He has gone on vacations before and not cheated on me and yet for some reason I’m convinced he’s going to do it. I want to allow him to have fun and me not worry and yet I can’t shake the feeling. For some context — I have been cheated on previously and cheated on a partner as well, he has also cheated on a past partner. I have previously been in a mentally and physically abusive relationship as well as having had a past partner who passed away / helped that partner face a terrible and tragic addiction. Ever since I met my current BF I felt different and the relationship seemed ideal. Of course we had some ups and downs and somethings I looked too closey at due to BPD. I was lied to in the past about a future with someone who was facing demons of their own, and now i feel i can’t trust anyone and need constant reassurance and promises of marriage and future to feel secure. I feel like i need it every second and when i get it i feel lied to. I support my boyfriend in many ways including helping him financially and emotionally and sometimes do not feel that support back due to him battling his own mental health as well. Currently, this past month have been hard on the relationship due to my mental health being at an all time low for me and him dealing with his own battles / alcohol. I have for sure taken it out on him and he has taken me a bit for granted but we have said we are going to work on it together. We have been fighting a lot but no matter how much I say we should breakup he refuses and tells me he’ll never leave. The fighting has finally come to an end and while the weird after feeling is gone I can not trust him at all that he wants to marry me and will not leave / cheat on me and have no idea why or how to tackle this.",3.8938624715261945,5.0931153872437385,5.108376281321185,82.8726555381549,71.6651480637813,7.947636674259683,29.20849943052392,8.376592526197632,2.0406201025056947,1721,68,346,27,32,571,196,439,0.1,0.762,0.139,0.7653,4,0,2,0,4,0,29.0,5,0,1,2,17,37,12,3,19,0,39,7,2,4,6,82,70,44,0,7,9,0,9,1,7,3,5,2,0,5,13,40,1,2,11,2,0,7,11,19,3,2,17,12,53,18,62,49,12,67,1,2,1,0,53,27,0,6,33,259,66,1,0.0,0.10080155561574712,0.0,0.09274577248147536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092073815338664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803552139924313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05948735770814896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23979607662490715,0.06541845693253448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723937024045895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288133284922112,0.0,0.10715067677689813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328573700898756,0.0,0.183874607444874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770997476758931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888667169376432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569943581164644,0.07535238860969717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695642367927301,0.0716804889637195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30112008978205784,0.0607785570094374,0.08168663179986127,0.09319697613354708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572977217851689,0.0,0.08889775647730777,0.0,0.09670169353276373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423895604524714,0.0,0.0,0.076211693347438,0.0,0.0,0.180864350219406,0.0,0.0,0.11404975983292134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960408366215043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859392016669547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801671280588022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04156400420833188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144270176688883,0.0,0.0,0.07232886513951067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625405935254432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572108331409161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790712594511529,0.0,0.06254090170223024,0.18924909278672766,0.0656161211284228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248599869824145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747265087096172,0.0,0.2740204629235037,0.0,0.0,0.08092708524004502,0.06765612330378577,0.1703525236629964,0.0,0.0,0.07745030815107586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037603074564516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208491001816612,0.06549592591096849,0.08414267941420757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679420780558935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19308725348682615,0.0801834471938796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872094874485747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04960870023533612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310722581588499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036046365004084,0.06752964173021772,0.0,0.0,0.2294815510017527,0.0,0.07676816750029487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06193659154041796,0.08639915683241994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054786376069394994 bpd,AbsyntheMinded_,2020/02/22,"BPD or CPTSD So, I've noticed a fair few posts asking about whether it be worth seeking help for their possible BPD but CPTSD also presents similarly to BPD. Simmilar traumas can trigger it and it can often have a lot of outward symptoms that can correlate. If you're someone who hasn't been diagnosed by a professional yet, please don't just assume you have BPD and consider looking into CPTSD also. They often get misdiagnosed between the two.",7.562926829268293,8.352484560975608,7.642585365853662,69.47924390243907,63.14634146341463,10.462439024390244,39.57073170731707,10.355215969177356,4.447201951219512,362,19,58,8,5,117,65,82,0.052000000000000005,0.85,0.098,0.1857,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,2,0,8,1,0,0,4,0,9,2,0,1,0,13,12,9,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,3,0,7,10,2,5,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,6,2,44,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546948895883507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887173193325046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8022494493975529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162940379958662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319846678977562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673795978488294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372493268357347,0.0,0.0,0.13538363447423593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130045698812128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17480219559629026,0.0,0.17952378962161633,0.1525118233446345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349270044564343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655155876028764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155558341200619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bleepbloopityboop,2020/02/22,"probably ruined my life first time posting here. I've been looking around here for a few weeks trying to feel less alone in what i've been feeling and y'all seem really kind. Sorry, there's some stuff I gotta get out of my brain and it's a long one. I got diagnosed with bpd when I was 21 (25 now). Senior in college, working part time in food service, technically living with family but in reality couch surfing. It was a really unstable part of my life and I look back in surprise that I made it out alive. thought about killing myself nearly every day for years. Most my life i had few friends and the ones I did didn't last for more than a year or two most the time. But there was one friend who stuck on longer. I've known this dude since I was 14. For the semblance of privacy, I'll say that we met via being in a music group together (the drama in our circle is usually akin to band drama anyway). He was the leader, started it up, I came along and stuck around throughout all the lulls and higher points. Projects changed, people left and people came in, but at the core it was me, him, and a few others and our line up really stabilized within the last two years. I felt like I had found some real, true friendship with this group of people. With the dude at the center of it and probably the most important part of my life. I wouldn't call him an fp in the ways that i've experienced that, but he was a constant stable force that had been there for me no matter how bad I'd gotten. And things were good! He and I talked every day nearly, We'd seen each other grow a lot as people. Our friend group was great and we all really got along and became a family. My bpd symptoms weren't as bad, I hadn't thought about suicide in a year and a half, I wasn't afraid they'd leave me, I was still paranoid and kinda impulsive but I could manage it. But then things weren't so good. I got laid off from my job, I had to move back in with the aforementioned family members due to money and concerns i'd had for my physical health, I had to go back to food service for work because I couldn't mentally handle really anything else other than something i knew definitely, my mom had two very major surgeries in the space of four months and was close to dying, I had gotten really close with a girl and got feelings for her but that didn't work out. my life, which seemed hopeful for the first time, was steadily crumbling. I was really slipping down and picking fights and feeling depressed. Then the big thing happened. The dude wasn't happy with how the music group was structured anymore. He felt it wasn't going to be successful, so he wanted to scale back his involvement and change what we were doing, not have it be so stressful for him. I was for this, I gave a lot of ideas on how we could move forward and make everyone happy and have less stress on him. And he shot me down, established his iron grip on the group being 'his' since he's the one who started it and handled money and all that. I was really confused and hurt, didn't he say he wanted to scale back involvement? I didn't see how my suggestion that the other members take on more responsibility would cause him more stress and work. But that confusion and hurt quickly turned into a consuming anger and I snapped. In a group chat setting, for everyone to see, I really laid out every issue I had with this proposal and he and I's power dynamic. I didn't like how he had this control over my life and dictated my output with group, how he'd put me into other creative projects and then just give up on them if they didn't make waves within a week after he released them, how he was my boss first and friend second a lot of the time. I didn't think it was fair for us to be strung along if he wanted to stop or slow down and we didn't. This wasn't said eloquently, it was a flurry of anger and tears and betrayal over like a half hour of me stream of consciousing every gripe I had. Afterwards I left. I gave a half hearted apology a few days after to which he said I had no idea how bad I hurt him and that he didn't want to talk to me again and also you're fired. I started to really think about it all and have a bunch of meltdowns over it. I was really mean and cruel. and I did hurt him. and I shouldn't have said what I said in the way I did, but the points I made...i still stand by them. I wish i could've said them nicer and more constructively, but they're still important things that I had issues with in our relationship. Things between he and I were never perfect, I'd fight with him a lot and his lack of emotional vulnerability with me was something that really pissed me off after 11 years of friendship, but any illusion I'd ever make to that/however kind I'd try to be about it he'd say I was upsetting him and he didn't want to talk about it. So it built up and up for years until eventually I erupted to where I didn't care about his feelings anymore. and I feel so guilty and terrible about it. It's still hard to live with myself and accept what I did. He hasn't talked to me in two months. I sent an actual apology about a month ago. I check every day multiple times a day to see if he's messaged me at all. Our friends don't know how to talk to me anymore. They all saw me at what was probably my absolute worst now. Some of them knew I had bpd, but I'd never really fully elaborated on what it was like. In the direct aftermath some were there as much as they could be, I get it's hard to talk to someone who isn't very receptive to the idea that she's a good person who did a bad thing and not a complete and utter monster incapable of love/forgiveness. Nowadays not so much. Maybe once a week I'll get a ""hope you're doing good"" message from someone but that's it. I feel abandoned. And part of it is that they're still in the group and I'm not. They're still working on the same things and I'm not. and that proximity isn't there anymore. But I would hope that us being in our mid 20s-into 30s would mean that we were better than that, that we'd made some actual connection. but I guess not. Another part is that shit's been going down in some of their lives, and I've tried to be there as much as I could/felt was appropriate given my pariah status. But it just feels like shit. Feels bad that I try to be there for my friends as best I can but they cannot do that for me. That even before all this happened, if they were going through something bad or had a mental health break I'd be there for them. But...they can't be there for me. and I'm not sure if I can even feel mad or jealous or sad about it. They know what my worst looks like. It looks like completely disregarding their feelings and calling them an asshole in front of their friends and peers. It still hurts, it hurts that some people who I really thought would be my friend for the rest of my life don't really want anything to do with me anymore. I'm alone. No one talks to me anymore. My suicide ideation is back, which is a fun paradox because i've been watching my physical health very carefully and terrified that i'll die soon from cancer or something. I've tried going back to therapy, tried to be hopeful that things will be better and that me and the dude will be friends again, me and everyone else will be friends again. but each day passes without a word from anyone and I lose hope. I don't want to beg people to talk to me, to put them in a position where if they don't anything I'll do negatively is their fault. I've been there before and I don't want to do that anymore ever again. but that doesn't stop me thinking it. so i don't talk to them, and they don't talk to me cause i don't talk to them or the only things i can say are terrible jabs at myself. The only thing that kept me from feeling like a loser going nowhere was the group and what we were doing. I felt like I was doing something important. I felt like my friends loved me and that we'd be there for each other through anything. But without it and without my friends with me, I feel utterly lost. I am a loser going no where. Like I'm never going to learn and i'm just going to keep making the same mistakes over and over again. That maybe it's better to just be alone the rest of my life, not friends and no closeness. because at least then I wouldn't hurt people. I feel like a monster and it's only responsible to put myself in a cage.",4.383752563226249,4.7310046414112215,5.145064882485936,86.17080832325571,69.96587622903412,8.392535885167465,26.475845207424157,8.325101758345285,1.4660412492770387,6591,186,1428,91,110,2140,485,1729,0.156,0.71,0.134,-0.9942,3,3,5,0,2,3,154.0,18,1,23,20,77,99,11,7,76,0,153,22,5,20,15,297,269,140,5,33,48,1,22,12,13,11,14,9,1,2,105,118,2,7,40,4,3,21,56,45,0,17,113,42,194,54,207,116,53,187,0,15,10,1,150,80,3,38,94,995,299,16,0.0,0.0,0.05230474692730982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02375607375660557,0.0,0.0,0.08326836772745183,0.0,0.02143149092215675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0182245283588169,0.02810153436389046,0.0,0.0,0.18604480240814,0.01873878145540998,0.0,0.08821457504226803,0.04771434107793402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424972807435535,0.1342584054800401,0.049010043198149694,0.0,0.04560867452755458,0.0,0.028124343711308585,0.07110574217435363,0.0,0.0,0.1012588149286642,0.029917022005058837,0.054730419663958224,0.061302806739195914,0.05464760085269863,0.055060784542671375,0.05670047748909849,0.0,0.05619737559704786,0.028960658338643905,0.03005783454477605,0.10698580302385463,0.0,0.0,0.10370047447374148,0.0,0.023082305948217804,0.02720085279985833,0.05562714525426174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04477496242337429,0.030145746628696225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03540153563584103,0.04848322939441267,0.11289835933695082,0.07682399870352392,0.0,0.0,0.07579233993460681,0.0,0.18970832700093015,0.05743654488215776,0.12865825614880666,0.0,0.0,0.06838673302208212,0.06481194348117705,0.029384186844655,0.2691672060159274,0.0,0.04200478121781656,0.025708450968304274,0.1370765801476535,0.08991234661205151,0.08573579511454794,0.029546461268387694,0.02952258862651516,0.0,0.047397286997528064,0.05705697364173725,0.04801404268082767,0.0,0.0,0.08545960845488798,0.0,0.0317574482993765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308938243554516,0.026392035823946648,0.0,0.2008253752380384,0.09075986819289696,0.0,0.0559432751093128,0.02659429462948055,0.023820560779380474,0.0296495936950348,0.055814955386876385,0.029456526822769218,0.043690217373934186,0.0,0.02837672211553175,0.05823530852704306,0.0,0.15143381449789045,0.15711414753222,0.0,0.07099315122078091,0.023716648274363768,0.09001907138399404,0.029981702151949775,0.029254738753064825,0.09113565295111076,0.04837505573897813,0.076074793287502,0.07155529859621525,0.0,0.053847250085559684,0.05838486186824478,0.0,0.0,0.054015035304790494,0.0,0.0,0.0313871632937902,0.06417313735433579,0.05696709628403542,0.059101984060480325,0.0,0.06200810732641384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02854051356171412,0.09079992160322373,0.06114651225513334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510583137557925,0.0,0.13005543115061258,0.02340022467969831,0.0,0.0,0.050668238950745965,0.0,0.025666441622090613,0.0,0.08668294030948168,0.0,0.0,0.0808224741568027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03050361340570432,0.2575259735937325,0.0,0.0,0.028772553625179262,0.0,0.0,0.12746195347728498,0.08524791535908084,0.0,0.0,0.06406701726672746,0.04879438099158863,0.0,0.0,0.055018450397907134,0.04433752348900196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04541413258562901,0.1031575354116995,0.0,0.02999976279100316,0.05690631399978473,0.0,0.1498143909826025,0.044811039500945365,0.092095954231581,0.0,0.030678930537179187,0.058628443636471635,0.0,0.025258141413493796,0.027854864453069356,0.02014983277659355,0.2369439941554447,0.0,0.0,0.030647478698348905,0.0,0.17804347509228075,0.05151596931841382,0.0,0.06382725106218425,0.09376176328667887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917030468793593,0.029150079339001336,0.10471657857588404,0.0,0.06447281839732583,0.0,0.029515781038242407,0.06633699820074923,0.1264559642624108,0.042544273166509716,0.06449064795583215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0308180167792851,0.0775010696431555,0.0,0.0975515048645284,0.0,0.0,0.07615017196279038,0.0,0.0,0.10354770836536872 bpd,derschirokko,2020/02/22,"I got a job and I haven't run away from it! I just started yesterday my training as a call center agent. It's not much, and the salary is low, but I haven't been able to hold a job for more than a couple of months and I'm really trying this time. Even if I'm in a semi-state of panic all the time because I HATE talking over the phone (and in general, tbh, since I suffer from severe social anxiety), but they were the only ones who answered out of all the applications I sent. I had another job offer last month but I couldn't even make it through the first day because I panicked the day before and ingested a super high dose of my antipsychotic meds, which paradoxically made me have a psychotic episode. Anyway, I'm trying not to hold on to any expectations because I could have a mood swing or crisis at any moment and I might lose this, but the fact that I've been able to stay for these couple of days AND I don't want to hurt myself makes me feel a little hopeful.",4.226888633754307,4.664128213930347,5.468855721393036,83.39228473019519,70.34328358208955,8.373670110983545,25.909299655568308,8.384062270229773,1.488676693455798,765,21,162,11,13,256,121,201,0.171,0.765,0.063,-0.9723,4,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,1,3,4,9,1,1,17,0,13,2,0,3,3,34,26,14,0,6,9,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,9,8,1,2,2,0,0,2,6,6,0,2,7,1,19,2,24,16,4,26,0,4,0,0,8,11,0,4,12,107,28,4,0.2540784821978537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278208061694414,0.13321172104770876,0.0971846717189851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935754888853395,0.0,0.0,0.23232582671490176,0.0,0.1081010372929547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297212690006633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014304967403622,0.2811330079019579,0.0,0.24578940244383554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781644122044634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423485740171718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805951358072076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160488636234656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542494956986924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422393315935047,0.0,0.126178631087112,0.0,0.0,0.13599813508448144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782005329426237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355393719726654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732669398725766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421244154103226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020760160814972,0.16959935981881544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111195791406242,0.0,0.0,0.13476855896116088,0.0,0.0,0.2028030204402116,0.0,0.09338845953013723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608507757003422,0.09661906746318374,0.0,0.14905317729598938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138459087365542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435181821594603,0.0,0.10508817302432663,0.0,0.0,0.12950050787148146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991902871720593,0.1354069279025744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021093298343924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815520621459746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250261126274608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493103587338762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kerchewy,2020/02/22,"I just lost my fp and only friend due to my toxicity but now I’m lost.. I cried to him on the phone everyday on how everything didn’t feel like enough and how lonely I was and that made him feel like I was saying he wasn’t enough. He tried to support me for several months, I wasn’t getting any better, before finally saying he needed a break from me. And eventually saying he is better off without me and I need to move on. He has every right to due this. He had his own stuff going on even though I tried my best to be there for him. But he was very special to me and it feels like I can’t move on... i don’t have any other friends and connecting with other people is something I’ve always struggled to do. And something tells me no one will care and empathize with me the way he did.. and even if I tried to get out and find new people, I don’t know how to interact and not be depressed. Any advice to how to live without the need for his attention and overall general need for social interaction?? TLDR- my fp and only friend left me and I can’t move on due to social anxiety and attachment issues.",3.0552067814025183,4.161325489082973,4.709817621371696,85.28811713331625,73.58515283842793,7.658977652196251,24.387618802979713,8.124751697461798,1.2785487284870287,863,25,183,13,17,292,112,229,0.064,0.732,0.205,0.9906,0,2,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,5,10,17,0,1,4,0,20,0,0,5,0,42,37,24,0,5,7,0,3,3,3,1,0,3,0,0,6,19,0,0,6,0,0,4,11,5,0,1,11,6,28,12,30,23,4,24,0,4,0,0,25,10,0,1,11,124,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637980248271882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820678124312216,0.0,0.0,0.201214736849526,0.0,0.07545145143107107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392661127201627,0.0,0.10350578640532697,0.1744599112483836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055955366433343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834009543751658,0.0,0.0,0.08494961709125963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20382169337218245,0.0,0.13028797484332266,0.0,0.0830997770969751,0.0,0.0886420157286792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961042120227644,0.21138323466165548,0.0,0.1080440166462838,0.090145760038562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22860318737924576,0.0,0.10305989613749028,0.0,0.05605353209532349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294378321707606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054204304371632095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071614589041014,0.0,0.0,0.1445564700340552,0.0,0.08709183310998257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153319396036836,0.0,0.0,0.09332580801022608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787252864889285,0.3144832903817855,0.0,0.2925306947304577,0.0,0.09525717998725343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668340380672045,0.15002466432347214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367548323027585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422922589272894,0.0,0.2353028912220045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142348848995233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010811192163619,0.0,0.15185992513852006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310917846332417,0.11290741088647373,0.0,0.11192381606899814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862067060996442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690318062582123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20088927860546688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137983280034654,0.0,0.07828766595133016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19015102463098107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rodtina,2020/02/23,"Very proud of myself! My fiance and I are long distance but trying to move in together. The plan is for him to come to US, we get married, then we move back to his country together. It's been very stressful trying to plan things out and figure out what we need to do and it's been awful to my BPD. I kept trying to put off buying the plane tickets because it's too scary. I was extremely afraid of making a mistake, booking the wrong day, not being able to find seats together, ect. But I finally did it today and I'm so grateful it's done. It's probably the scariest part of the trip, because if I lost that money, I dont have enough to rebuy another ticket. It's a huge load off my mind and I didnt even breakdown while doing it.",2.553627450980393,3.860813071895429,4.344591503267973,86.62316176470591,75.14379084967321,6.930065359477124,25.16830065359477,7.492282038375204,1.2094143790849676,572,19,119,7,12,194,95,153,0.14800000000000002,0.787,0.065,-0.9353,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,4,0,0,4,4,6,0,2,7,1,13,0,0,1,0,22,20,11,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,11,0,1,2,3,2,5,3,5,0,0,8,0,17,1,19,11,2,18,0,1,0,0,6,6,0,1,7,84,28,1,0.16401278694570753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198170765090826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126115709256099,0.0,0.1999613452209056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20656836361832512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14128249326908016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577467914065414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784202506881093,0.1922217647968708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946905229644935,0.0,0.10832889893620604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796679912173321,0.1499047159262119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568991180099117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514615526553626,0.0,0.0,0.17903933153551638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947980886642256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560616002527645,0.0,0.0,0.3486392725740743,0.0,0.1216134033217648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776098653327906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683352452790546,0.0,0.0,0.16487815151616006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878760933049448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896280781670896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15546494451272105,0.0,0.0,0.33406174876213884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19728718833386705,0.0,0.0,0.2706554520776144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793222353664922,0.0,0.0 bpd,GaySprinkles,2020/02/23,"DAE avoid feeling even the most basic emotions? Hi guys, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder last February and since then I've been trying to unpack each symptom I have to better understand myself. There are times when I have emotions that are so unbearable that I feel so paralyzed which causes me to have suicidal thoughts. But there are times when I react extremely internally even when feel a small stressful emotion that is no way as severe as other episodes I've had which still sometimes makes me passively suicidal. When I'm feeling a way lesser variation of an emotion, I freak out and find it ‘painful’ even though I know I can handle it. I can differentiate between the two in terms of how extreme they feel but it feels like I don't want to feel any 'negative' emotions at all in general. I'm hurting from even the most basic emotions. I was wondering if anyone can relate to this.",7.548214285714287,8.127397392857144,7.608428571428572,70.43657142857145,63.16666666666667,11.005714285714284,37.63333333333333,10.793553405168565,4.334614761904762,734,35,122,18,10,237,106,168,0.13699999999999998,0.816,0.047,-0.8997,1,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,15,7,0,2,6,0,15,3,0,4,1,30,30,16,2,2,3,0,7,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,10,5,0,1,12,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,5,7,15,2,16,25,5,17,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,4,11,90,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888295186182432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082666588283916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958573703272613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040561735385653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281061858628232,0.0,0.0,0.11609095535918244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6836483138479549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26761321083610223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585187308913333,0.07236398986265317,0.0,0.0,0.09258028730660232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029634234903298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843662674824313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055668176404897386,0.0825676001306604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0494868145473736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761409803887973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778326668307313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844544662181708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443265410032515,0.0,0.0837909063004057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001817137448778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089300058441415,0.0,0.116031190805068,0.0,0.0,0.22159696982177085,0.0,0.0,0.1052825757386556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952020260769236,0.08041560574894042,0.1181299345547754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877153594413571,0.0,0.0989488849746813,0.10544995021038188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05974544256665262,0.16080389367701806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984831777180301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,brothisisnonsense,2020/02/23,"struggling, trying not to Haven’t self harmed in years. I started some but nothing too serious and decided to try and post here and see if I can get through this feeling of despair. I was horrible and abusive towards my favorite person. I got drunk and it’s like I snapped (in response to him wanting space and me interpreting abandonment). Our mutual friend told me he wished we could put all borderlines on an island at birth, but unfortunately I exist on this earth with the rest of society. Can’t stop replaying that in my head and feeling the deepest self hatred.",4.720775681341717,6.981521811320758,5.2561635220125815,78.35602725366878,71.45283018867924,8.484696016771489,33.47589098532495,9.150863307647796,3.296885953878407,456,23,79,10,9,146,81,106,0.24600000000000002,0.626,0.128,-0.9551,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,3,0,5,2,1,0,1,24,14,10,0,4,4,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,9,1,2,4,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,3,3,13,2,14,10,3,14,0,2,1,0,9,8,0,2,5,55,17,0,0.0,0.2549404785754233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17179520641938695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21759216293489056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662392953509822,0.0,0.11241709734619312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17209057420391918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22082581523439898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512086901491914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20646078117521088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18787756484906945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060727457237968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21630461298990555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146210283554744,0.0,0.4489370885646508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522979635902354,0.0,0.0,0.1798911996579517,0.0,0.2249417084048651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056035215608911,0.0,0.2921717103054868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691244930051349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24743411763021134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856199787022666 bpd,Bargnoffle,2020/02/23,"Does anyone have a job they like and can do easily? I work in retail and when I think about working in dead end jobs for the rest of my life it seems like what’s the point?? But when I think about actual jobs and what they require and the work it takes to get those jobs (school, experience, etc) that seems overwhelming and like I’ll never be able/qualified to do them. So I’m wondering if anyone has a job that they’re happy with and can manage the stress that it brings?",3.5616642120765865,4.61356313402062,4.1689248895434465,89.85453608247423,72.29896907216495,8.017083946980852,20.04270986745213,8.418075326091056,0.6430483063328425,372,6,83,6,7,118,62,97,0.07,0.787,0.14300000000000002,0.755,5,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,4,5,6,0,2,6,0,7,1,0,0,1,16,16,11,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,7,0,1,5,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,4,9,15,2,8,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,4,7,52,16,11,0.0,0.0,0.13715305579327094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965466837664665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299314073429556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448243345904435,0.0,0.15674643742611932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374813914989711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342971642653855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496143036530866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6973532976211327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927211022396036,0.2059916805672143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839808243528368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286181870674554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224050528128993,0.0,0.25589640909028977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099547735266098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567343506599604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18011297327671308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241662378324716,0.3069584565545363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ForbiddenException,2020/02/23,"Me, Myself and BPD This is my first time writing about me online.I usually don't like being open and sharing personal stuff with strangers, but I guess this is also why I'm so alone, pushing everyone out in order to have this wall of protection between me and the rest of the f\*ing world. Not sure why I'm doing it now, maybe because after months / years of being ""ok"" (and by ok I mean apathy and kinda depressed) I relapsed into this rollercoaster of emotions which I had forgotten, and maybe writing all this can help me to find a meaning in my life and make some order in my mind. In order to avoid writing a book here I'll skip the background and go directly to the day where everything went down. The downfall started one saturday morning when I was a teenager. My parents wanted me to go shopping with them but I didn't. I remember my father starting screaming that I should get up immediately and get dressed, but as a ""rebellious"" teenager, I stood my ground.He then entered my room, took some of my things and smashed them into the ground. I insulted him and he left but came back 30 seconds later holding a knife.""I will kill you"", ""You are not my son"" are some of the words that are still ringing in my had 12 years later. My mother just stood there, didn't say anything, probably was in shock but at the time I hated her for not having done anything to stop him.He then entered the room, with the knife in his right hand and that look full of hatred in his eyes, I pushed him away and escaped but went back a couple of days later hoping that he had calmed down, and was only just a moment of stress. From that day I wasn't the same person anymore, other things had happened before but this episode was the climax of it all. I always had troubles going home from school after that, where I had to meet my father who always reminded me that I wasn't his son anymore, that he was going to be my ""father"" until I graduate from high school and not any second more after it. I also started having suicidal thoughts and to isolate myself even more from the other people, and reached a loneliness that I couldn't even imagine before. Fast forwards to a couple of years into high school and my fucked up mind started doing damage: I somehow still wanted to die and I'm not sure if I just got used to the idea. It was easier to live if I put a deadline on my life. Nothing mattered anymore, since I always thought that in the end I'll just die. But at the same time I knew it was just a thought, and everytime I just found an excuse to push the deadline a bit further, until one day I met this girl, Marta \[*Invented name*\].I was really an asshole with Marta, there was a girl which became my fixation before her and even if I never actually cheated on her, I didn't even try to hide it that I wanted the other girl more, until I realised that I was hurting her and I left her... just to come back after a couple of weeks because I felt alone but something had changed: when I saw her something hit me. I still don't know if it was because of BPD (I didn't know I had it at the time), but it's the closest thing to what I imagine true ""love"" feels like and I never felt anything even remotely close to that anymore.Useless to say that in the end I made the same mistake again and she finally got the strength to leave me and for me was a shock, because I had finally realised what I was losing. I couldn't stop thinking about her, and ended up writing her multiple times per day at the level that I'm ashamed to actually admit it, but the bigger shock came some months later, when I found out that she was dating one of my best friends. That's when I completely lost it. Even now, after all these years it still hurts as if it happened yesterday, when I think that they are still happily together and I'm here, alone and sad. After a couple of years I went to seek professional advice and that's when I got diagnosed, but left it in favour of smoking weed, which was the only thing that was able to quiet my mind until the paranoia kicked in and then I switched to alcohol until that also caused problems.Now I'm 3 years behind schedule to my bachelor degree after having changed university, even if I was the one helping my class mates with the classes they were struggling with and they already finished their masters. I started not feeling anything, at all. Just passing everyday as the day before, with no new experiences and will to do anything, just sitting and staring at a screen and only leaving home for work until recently I met a person, and for the first time in years I was able to open myself up with her, but when the old storm of emotions appeared again, the one I was able to lock behind a wall of apathy and depression my mind still got the best of me. I didn't learn anything even after all this time and she became another obsession which made me lose her too. Never felt so alone and hopeless as I am now. I made it impossible to other people to get close to me because I can't let go of that shield I made to protect myself and protect the others from myself since when I do, I f\*\* up everything.",9.423727422003287,6.407404408866996,9.029679802955666,73.36770525451561,61.56157635467982,11.558292282430214,38.74794745484401,9.23628265651192,3.4622479474548435,4045,148,779,48,42,1307,364,1015,0.159,0.773,0.069,-0.9985,1,5,3,0,1,1,109.0,0,2,6,10,57,42,5,5,56,2,65,8,2,7,11,168,138,84,4,14,34,7,6,2,2,3,4,5,4,6,63,59,1,7,24,2,1,21,22,26,0,9,66,16,125,16,127,62,20,177,0,10,5,2,61,58,1,15,98,587,188,10,0.12963783072673374,0.0,0.08433854820492616,0.0,0.0,0.04222686260476485,0.0,0.046181138555009736,0.0,0.17902092787835644,0.04768618995194153,0.10367132639531076,0.1078690602347367,0.0,0.0,0.029386056788272025,0.04531218961588928,0.0,0.0,0.12856589335665838,0.0,0.0,0.21336177765812356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040599669794732736,0.09968348976312556,0.0,0.1317100305936246,0.0,0.1470829942280648,0.0,0.09069793688609318,0.0,0.047176978416602164,0.0,0.10884953974194454,0.0,0.0,0.0988474282928122,0.0,0.04439125418011065,0.0914264236973074,0.03722383741769035,0.045307599684678686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19125572526424356,0.0,0.16721135229718226,0.0,0.07443791576317438,0.04385988977757862,0.0896957340802926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04422150337563903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721674052839366,0.11482063947714695,0.0,0.0,0.22833217213735246,0.0,0.0,0.041291500922193525,0.07767341544107202,0.04227022466671565,0.0,0.0,0.04369918826427895,0.03087109739134732,0.12447264742430855,0.09467460460935467,0.03949554289896982,0.07351324839376212,0.0,0.09476079339814347,0.033385955479643736,0.039949361850230417,0.06773041595057397,0.0,0.12279361117830705,0.0,0.13824428783117862,0.0,0.04760356201458856,0.0,0.07642553705075998,0.0,0.0,0.0426635062798854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792900352529245,0.0913129905157328,0.0866915428276976,0.042919872307969856,0.0,0.0,0.09251998601757183,0.04878177710649765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04780835075218632,0.0,0.047497040963497834,0.0,0.0,0.0915118296763609,0.14085188239976962,0.04418782171661303,0.06104468912561405,0.04222299722221262,0.0,0.03815752653562194,0.0,0.036287709229492635,0.09668771500690283,0.04717166872017938,0.0,0.03900106787657137,0.16355526659366568,0.028844752888115995,0.0,0.08682575031583785,0.09414240152917948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452967125681407,0.0,0.06898378644602006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999846869752165,0.04173500824677801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04146366497797678,0.0,0.04534436530577577,0.0,0.14640991525644054,0.0985954119720642,0.0,0.0,0.04798248980637074,0.0,0.0,0.05991636593384456,0.1131947534263508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04659050257902324,0.0,0.0,0.04344060869649186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027683104643306276,0.0,0.04266723940607303,0.0,0.0489514636095381,0.03690333303718588,0.0,0.06872880418361571,0.0,0.13120040572892244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149183547835519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653435708320686,0.0,0.0,0.15293053971772508,0.0,0.20705787815676452,0.07225535419023411,0.04949989903232134,0.04517520268877548,0.049468100200949515,0.047267581914564434,0.0,0.08145474750615916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148341524528256,0.055377791589007824,0.0,0.10291795691081493,0.1763833437720134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048010799977266164,0.02933852580425028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037321820847762366,0.047592585150242034,0.0,0.07646375136300383,0.0,0.03466254939186019,0.0,0.0,0.12017556786953099,0.07798531890412856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0314592949160581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947925295044859 bpd,FuzzyPolkadot,2020/02/23,"Lost inside myself I don't know how to begin. How does anyone describe something so abstract? That which feels impossible to put into words. No description could come close to what being inside this body is actually like. Neverthess here is my attempt. I can't feel anything, but I feel everything. Every emotion on the spectrum. Every sensation a body can experience. Every thought a mind can possess. Coexisting in one body. Creating an all engaging whirlwhild with no way to escape. I'm everywhere, and I'm nowhere. There is no controlling it. The constant deafening echoes in my head. The all consuming inferno burning in my chest. The scream lodged in my throat. Something is trying to claw it's way out of me and every ounce of self control is directed towards keeping it closed in. I'm everything, and I'm nothing. When all is said and done there is nothing left. No more words. No more thoughts. The world around me has gone numb and I am no more. I wish for the fire to set me ablaze. I pray for the scream to return and fill my chest. The circle is closed but I keep going around. I want nothing more than to come back to life. I'll always be here, but I'm already gone.",2.0010436781609218,4.793639173333336,3.116750957854407,86.53600000000002,86.15555555555555,6.125670498084292,25.09195402298851,7.503015589744147,1.6326413793103445,934,39,172,17,29,299,130,225,0.14,0.784,0.076,-0.9356,0,0,2,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,4,11,6,0,0,11,0,18,9,7,4,3,40,41,13,0,3,3,0,4,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,7,16,0,4,6,0,0,7,8,4,0,1,7,7,17,2,26,31,7,31,1,1,0,0,2,16,0,0,6,111,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.1091829218468992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346708975943962,0.0,0.09309668729172177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823209293013135,0.0,0.09207123271223093,0.1992014675122454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603210832124017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728346516161108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927568078000176,0.0,0.12090716356652255,0.2509754768185896,0.08933049680186696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791069105115856,0.11449646809862375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585476047715394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37706933976788665,0.0,0.2011087605415753,0.10944429882816778,0.0,0.0,0.16971616746728707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635864170675707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148255541741357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19889578508343447,0.0,0.0,0.061488676552457565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156260211859188,0.0,0.07902717871993055,0.054661009751474636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213491289294776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297123238650147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220679645878958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581568654093282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247460823646872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642757548796944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671970944393685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226797624968246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764724806870233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596208467343747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599224962470916,0.17761707397715434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866140513652896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,VissTheMiss,2020/02/23,"Is it possible to be too young for BPD? Or any personality disorder? I have been diagnosed with BPD, however I am 23 years old and according to my therapist “I am still developing my personality”. Hence it may be too early to put that diagnosis and instead we put it as “risk of developing BPD” and start doing more research on it in our next sessions before being certain about it. Now, I am quite confused because the things he took as symptoms are for me patterns of thoughts and behaviors I’ve been experiencing throughout my whole life, not only in the recent years. Therefore, for me they already have been developed rather than something that still in progress. I also read several studies showing that BPD can be developed in your early years and be diagnosed in teenagers. While I do trust my therapist, I’d like to get more information on this topic. Is there anything such as being “too young” for a personality disorder? What are the variables here? Does anyone have an idea?",6.789171322160147,8.133023256983241,7.3671648044692715,68.81190176908754,65.03351955307264,10.659404096834264,37.26303538175046,10.686352973137794,4.394373929236498,789,40,131,21,12,260,111,179,0.055,0.882,0.063,0.3751,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,2,1,1,2,13,5,0,2,5,0,23,4,0,1,1,17,27,11,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,3,11,7,0,0,3,2,0,3,1,2,0,0,5,1,16,3,23,15,3,25,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,3,16,101,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403245073588612,0.08988352600483389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643354699938455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859032096105527,0.0,0.09249283074398368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851592839557807,0.0,0.09564123415009963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5662383675136509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281603803365895,0.0,0.0,0.2576324983995691,0.0,0.09835902820727917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05872258815516606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268820883335072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793890474819947,0.05491130480505415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953506664916975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179413318951826,0.0,0.0,0.08548268440355551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944211456621732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267102864845147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259792683590215,0.0,0.11954762670928665,0.11242702311148482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110978089778266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697617348029075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652839926489783,0.0,0.0,0.07955489693207886,0.0,0.1795201510670658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682311055831217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261002247374093,0.0746713113967413,0.0,0.0,0.08923035112991501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487676597715472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548679779387426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21713918950868166 bpd,YeahhhBudyyy,2020/02/23,"Quentiax and Depakine Chrono weight change Hey guys, I was taking Quentiax 100mg and Depakine Chrono 500mf for 3 months, I stopped taking Depakine 3 weeks ago, now just Quentiax 50mg. I got weight gain 8 kg for all the time, this really scary me about that. But now I cant get weight loss, I eat healthy, but my weight doesn’t go down. How much time do I need to get my normal weight? Maybe 50mg of Quentiax is too much? Thank you all for the answers! Have a nice day :)",1.8111458333333343,3.781071989583338,2.4595833333333346,96.42708333333336,79.10416666666666,6.3500000000000005,21.08333333333333,7.3871296695380915,0.4060708333333327,365,10,84,5,9,113,65,96,0.039,0.78,0.18100000000000002,0.9251,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,2,6,3,0,0,3,0,6,6,0,1,2,12,14,5,0,2,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,6,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,5,10,2,7,12,4,11,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,9,41,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195123464820104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262472790749636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694960260572349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795746262615366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087877815271999,0.0,0.07662294848617486,0.0,0.10783017173441158,0.0,0.0,0.13349584591085178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354477022437147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761433482804174,0.0,0.1982206563025828,0.09996945560379253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209779470209734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863709878986022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127179628655367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202740050483402,0.0,0.0,0.1241267919148952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572326086020559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814678023416577,0.820889718735317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MakeArtNotWar8,2020/02/23,"help finding help Hey guys I just found this subreddit and even though I have not been medically diagnosed (because I don’t know where to start) I just know something is wrong with me. A few people have told me they think I have BPD but I just brush it off until I started reading on it and realized it describes and explains so many things of my life these past years. Even things in this group describe things but I thought they were normal but I guess just part of it. I really wanna get help because I hate myself and feel like some monster. My bf is my FP and I feel like getting help for this would bettee our relationship because I hate how toxic I can be. There were things I did and said that I thought were ok but they’re not and other people don’t do them. I’m tired. He doesn’t understand mental health all that much (he knows I have depression and anxiety and social anxiety but gives terrible advice) I’m seeing a counselor but she’s horrible and doesn’t help at all. I don’t know what my next step is. I’m tired and sometimes just want to tear my skin off, I just wish I was different I just wish things were better. Where do I start? What specialist do I go to? I really don’t want to be on antidepressants or antipsychotics because I was before for 5 years and they really made me worse. Please help, any advice is appreciated.",2.425493279954246,4.662139260223049,3.4910966542750934,88.46079139262226,78.33085501858736,6.963740348870461,22.613811838718906,8.012643519586192,1.1505274806977417,1067,33,219,19,26,343,138,269,0.14400000000000002,0.69,0.166,0.3323,1,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,4,1,15,9,2,0,2,1,29,7,1,2,2,56,62,23,0,7,16,0,3,2,1,1,6,1,0,1,18,13,0,0,14,1,0,2,8,5,0,0,14,6,40,4,17,45,6,18,0,1,1,0,24,8,0,3,10,148,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806963506681958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628741148954072,0.0,0.1414591187677288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254443774089801,0.0,0.07867432797198758,0.0,0.0,0.08177094289577069,0.0,0.0,0.11644669642744618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963331218594022,0.09384218403457087,0.0,0.09659816985310396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213431125447345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349834867469703,0.1321029860056302,0.0,0.0,0.08450427085124862,0.0,0.0,0.1013746256366158,0.0,0.0,0.09661021631387376,0.08869343931098794,0.052545597888642916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185210792658654,0.09154723457687754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825648275989856,0.0,0.09827775576442876,0.0,0.0,0.3718329597265975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032483930897916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653053049187952,0.0903399050000257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748530551114289,0.0,0.09373716123112867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314097371275218,0.09317518316433801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796673258519742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832935680180553,0.0,0.09058849521622507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001222147895851,0.08826092709691899,0.12819646075628935,0.0,0.0,0.1014903193550979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248229142783357,0.0,0.1776914862595113,0.0,0.0,0.09926450807647816,0.0,0.0,0.08794803739155989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367647464496138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942485445464259,0.0,0.07117812440577513,0.0914426053205354,0.0,0.1963251972425176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071225133767013,0.059242886109353576,0.09083879950037516,0.1468014914745479,0.0,0.21253206440827316,0.0,0.08834688477910851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625127997624294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906738805119444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21264259789657972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942218581752058,0.06567899271556674,0.10108751184666176,0.0,0.11907890261479365 bpd,ratacoochi,2020/02/23,"Advice on diagnosis (delete if not allowed) Hi, I’m 18 years old and looking into finding out if I have bpd (pardon the awful wording.) I have multiple immediate family members with BPD and I have shown multiple signs of having it as well, showing almost every characteristic needed for diagnosis from a very young age. I’m no longer in therapy but when I was I was diagnosed with PTSD and I’ve heard that it can be hard to get a diagnosis if you already have a PTSD diagnosis. Does anyone have any advice on how to go about seeking a diagnosis or general help for what I’m experiencing? My mental health is only getting worse and it’s severely affecting my school life and personal relationships, as well as my physical well-being as I am going back to unhealthy coping mechanisms as I have no support system in my life. Thank you in advance.",5.742477272727275,7.0074409750000015,7.708977272727274,65.70011363636367,67.375,10.81818181818182,33.92045454545455,10.832165505486646,4.1996875,676,31,112,20,11,239,104,160,0.125,0.7879999999999999,0.087,-0.7351,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,1,6,4,0,0,5,1,13,4,0,3,0,24,25,17,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,9,0,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,2,0,3,4,13,4,22,21,0,17,0,0,1,0,7,7,0,5,6,76,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725924898424412,0.0,0.0,0.13966702597444494,0.0,0.15391739343467772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484979338321188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975262302708053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724993915621743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513352073321249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415671899495571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205809973608915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751619406087675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148740425152858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748032546578872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574295115441374,0.0,0.15853707400019967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494485284075862,0.0,0.0,0.14825854557044027,0.0,0.0,0.09348913423222907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19703481118357166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712635511345988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140560974675859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342113749171213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463586527220693,0.0,0.0,0.10607927110310388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217867717776267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32608453457953984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974712720811406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115913844042746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757039012324547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827793224823267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841256297236964,0.1595051989835687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150839214989344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762223008071624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213995369902827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981923107865357 bpd,taeyongtea,2020/02/23,"Not caring about anything when you dissociate It's like when I dissociate I suddenly lose my fear of socializing and start being so talkative, also sometimes when dissociative I find myself in risky situations like smoking and doing things that I wouldn't normally do, and that's because I stop caring, but not because I say ""fuck it lets do it"" more because I just don't think about it I just do stuff like I'm in autopilot, so if someone gives me a cigarette I will accept it, and it's starting to worry me because I'm finding myself in risky situations",7.2510591900311505,7.213489635514022,8.348177570093462,66.97341900311528,63.85981308411215,11.245482866043618,37.459501557632386,10.864195022040775,4.288322118380064,449,21,77,11,6,154,62,107,0.155,0.716,0.129,0.0765,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,10,9,1,1,1,0,9,1,0,0,0,17,18,12,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,15,6,7,14,1,10,0,1,0,1,4,3,1,1,10,59,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305442583989564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343339378569126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3980422868784971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328714064975466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183692197735645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983997525882949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091424015442467,0.0,0.1565962292792962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16692560856021224,0.0,0.2392548183893899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18262560860468596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599421206027014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981628215962082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669808236181131,0.0,0.16640426626463714,0.13831408838415524,0.0,0.16145012866692104,0.0,0.2310865068076017,0.0,0.0,0.1364772973794713,0.0,0.0,0.1868725908988751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084504736656737,0.10459863377062932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577978125275106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,anakinhighground,2020/02/23,I’m scared.. Right so my girlfriend and I have been dating almost a month now and I love her more than anything but I’m so fucking scared she’ll get put off.. she thinks she may also have bpd and I don’t know if that’s good or bad but I’m so afraid of loosing her.. if any of you guys know how to stop worrying please tell me,-1.0507458143074615,0.92956289041096,0.8281278538812771,103.57208523592085,91.32876712328766,3.792389649923897,14.96042617960426,5.033348758259628,-1.2770414003044142,253,5,65,1,9,82,53,73,0.19,0.693,0.11599999999999999,-0.7879999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,6,7,1,3,1,0,6,2,0,1,0,15,15,13,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,11,2,5,12,1,7,0,0,0,2,10,2,1,5,4,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22172718964518,0.0,0.0,0.17707511922056893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505779762872131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18221558230991075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18488232451250225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27887959810718754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047057250557712,0.11568648628623207,0.0,0.0,0.18572249072123712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192475765298441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24338101431726397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19984654342048874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674094613157842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24306039022029946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225953278907787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890974773182305,0.0,0.0,0.4433741789106867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18512291540632106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19353698764984198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188150265972085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22486990151629224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,exit_the_loop,2020/02/23,"Coping Skillz for Crisis Brain ♡These are 2 coping skills I use when I am in crisis mode. I wanted to share them because they work very fast, so they are better for me at combating intrusive and obsessive thoughts than other coping skills such as mindfulness or journaling.♡ Disclaimer: Please do your own research with these techniques and do not take my explanations as fact!! They are just my experience. If they sound helpful to you, please research them on your own. My resources listed are simply for instruction on implementing these coping skills and not reputable sources. ☆☆☆☆☆ TIPP (Temperature Change, Increased Heart Rate, Paced Breathing, Paired Muscle Relaxation). Great for clearing your head with obsessive thoughts, anxiety, escalation, and self-harm/suicidal ideation. I also use it when I have substance cravings. It is best done in an environment where you have access to ice, water, and somewhere to lay down comfortably. It can take 10-15 minutes or longer depending on what you prefer, I have done this in 3 minutes when necessary. I had to be walked through each step with my therapist my first time. If you are having trouble I would bring this up to a therapist if you have one, or a close support person. Step 1: Temperature change: Fill up a tub of ice water (don't let the ice get too thick) and set it aside while completing step 2. Step 2: Increased heart rate: Spend 2-3 minutes getting your heart rate up through intense exercise (intense is subjective based on your own body). I can usually do jumping jack's or burpees for a couple minutes and I am set. Step 3: Submerge your face in the ice water (have a towel handy!) For UP TO 30 seconds total. I usually have to do 3-5 second increments. This really shocks your system AND is what puts the obsessive thoughts on the back burner. Step 4: Paced breathing: Lay down somewhere comfy, or sit comfortably (whichever you prefer), and doing any of your favorite breathing exercises. I inhale sharply for 2 seconds, exhale slowly for 4-5 seconds (there is research behind shorter inhales for calming properties). Continue doing so until you are ready for the next step. Step 5: Progressive Muscle Relaxation: I pair this with my breathing. On the sharp inhale, I clench my muscles as tight as I can, and release slowly on the long exhale. It can be helpful to target specific areas that you carry your stress (mine are my shoulders and jaw). Inhale, clench jaw and shoudlers; exhale, relax jaw and shoulders. Continue until you feel less on edge/the thoughts become less intrusive. Remember, this is to HELP de-escalate, it will never fix everything in the moment. FINAL STEP: Follow up with a long-term coping skill of your choice, such as writing, creating art, or posting about your experience on this subreddit! ♡ RESOURCES: * https://youtu.be/cIXQOb4klUw * https://youtu.be/Ku_s8hJRyyQ *https://manhattanpsychologygroup.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy-dbt-distress-tolerance-skills-tipp-skills/ ☆☆☆☆☆ EFT: Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping solution). This combines acupressure points and mindfulness to help relieve physical pain, emotional pain, and anxiety/distress. It is derived from ancient eastern medicinal practices and has many success stories. I use it to fall asleep, when I have mild headaches, and when I can't poop lol (trauma response). This one is harder for me to explain in text so I will link several videos to explain the process. It is essentially a mantra meditation crossover with acupressure and self-compassion. It is a lot less intense that the TIPP scale and can be done anywhere!! RESOURCES: * https://youtu.be/LwgFIKjTpWY (long talk) * https://youtu.be/XRfLTQjJhp0 (demonstration) * https://youtu.be/IWu3rSEddZI * https://youtu.be/eihUt_CXxic My visual representation: https://www.reddit.com/r/BorderlinePDisorder/comments/f84gm8/siselfharmcoping_skills/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share",7.793571823277112,11.409309338683796,6.329872378496432,67.87125674288873,67.1701444622793,8.451217009183488,33.64810672841618,9.160726972420148,3.7114610372865298,3190,146,433,68,61,947,304,623,0.052000000000000005,0.828,0.12,0.9903,1,0,0,0,0,0,183.0,0,20,6,10,17,22,0,4,19,1,51,25,18,4,4,65,69,45,0,7,12,0,4,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,25,27,3,1,11,7,1,18,5,9,0,7,8,9,57,13,70,54,12,74,0,0,0,0,36,28,0,11,23,287,82,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893310052740241,0.0,0.09339629781749197,0.0,0.058618098478815335,0.0,0.06594179948653939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628150964869522,0.0,0.052545951296644584,0.09519973506137012,0.0,0.0,0.09046025866145163,0.07623577988085535,0.0,0.095747367041878,0.0,0.0962263004867836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823736728771835,0.0,0.09037773796228374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537726530436542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26463371303246913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939239589422271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746986858964733,0.16863781419112192,0.0,0.0,0.04358467247878788,0.0,0.0,0.0944265053392417,0.0,0.07332060345644888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007056693151126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950344141824084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846477466867733,0.0,0.0,0.3064377626455493,0.23110879134899465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814405088819227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288495148015449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328308549936807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873919920353784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174072308015314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648178158908179,0.0,0.09167333695202194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682099293025562,0.0,0.18344307176238567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526541415472916,0.0,0.18924066110513527,0.08148567035826942,0.0,0.08255456453975099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665354106192677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05522111952183762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764636797718447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984816828651867,0.09738003970417276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874036442092676,0.0,0.0,0.09428742997016223,0.09781730764626352,0.0,0.0,0.12962144849785284,0.06928328135031471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20016675975916567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737286814584044,0.05026317796976917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233441035276257,0.18987146613775654,0.07112298723200816,0.050842249662262036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275370869764202,0.0,0.0,0.06123311110454643,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,whoelseisgonky,2020/02/23,Impulsive actions and irrational thinking I'm finding this so hard to control I jump to conclusions and burn all bridges to the ground and I don't know if I'm even right or wrong anymore I don't understand my brain and why it's doing the things it's doing I don't feel stable and I'm scared and exhausted. I just don't get this. This isn't me anymore.,1.0927000000000011,3.308255253333337,2.855583333333332,91.287375,83.13333333333333,6.416666666666668,25.375,7.645422480735847,1.3981000000000008,284,12,61,5,8,94,45,75,0.213,0.787,0.0,-0.9128,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,2,0,7,2,1,1,1,17,15,9,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,6,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,0,2,7,0,3,15,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5117871146623671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880435873819604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893993422790104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704244714205455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046625872707385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23583210229263346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480851433149946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311416072120672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180495064663606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22035374052275009,0.0,0.0,0.2583301484497219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17142174534236498,0.16533335222364642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686153193974199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328293315547993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821121369864761,0.0,0.0 bpd,insidejoke1212,2020/02/23,Inflated ego and entitlement?? Do bpds have periods of inflated ego and entitlement? It seems like I have this problem from time to time.,4.1575000000000015,7.450103083333339,5.721666666666668,68.29000000000002,80.66666666666666,11.533333333333333,33.0,10.504223727775694,5.283849999999998,110,6,18,5,3,37,18,24,0.121,0.785,0.09300000000000001,-0.1877,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671987809693148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5233311131388134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4978978401584521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6378299916395836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ellieadamz,2020/02/23,"Newly Discovered BPD/Self Diagnosing? so. i saw a post on facebook the other day about general things people with BPD experience. then got very confused as i thought some if not all of the little text bubbles were not things all people experienced. then went on NIMH website to look at the criteria for BPD and again got so confused as i thought all people experience at least half of the symptoms. THEN in all this confusion, reached out to a friend who works at a recovery center focusing on people with BPD/psychosis (friend also has BPD and has been going through her journey with it since she was diagnosed at 15). this friend proceeded to tell me she didn’t want to be rude but that she’s seen me have behaviors or speak emotionally about things that she related to a lot and compared to her behaviors. and that was kinda the nail in the coffin. i definitely think i have BPD. i’m going to go to a professional for an official diagnosis of course but the symptoms are way too relatable to my life, as are most of the posts in this sub. not really sure what the point of this is but i’m just so damn confused with how to go about this discovery. i have the diagnoses adhd, anxiety, ptsd, and depression so like i’m already fucked up i just didn’t realize it wasn’t those things making me incredibly impulsive or stubborn. my behaviors make a lot more sense with a BPD diagnosis but ahhhhhhhhhhhh??? actually made a call to get back on meds for anxiety/adhd the other day but now am realizing it’s more than that. any advice dealing with BPD diagnosis? anyone else self diagnose and never get a professional one? tell me your stories all the good and all the bad",4.923679245283019,6.595003584905663,6.3127201257861625,73.40323113207548,69.75471698113208,10.079874213836481,30.86006289308176,10.317481424215053,3.4173496855345915,1332,56,245,38,24,451,166,318,0.124,0.821,0.055,-0.9771,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,0,1,15,16,4,4,23,0,17,8,0,4,8,56,40,27,1,2,13,0,0,1,3,0,7,1,0,1,21,14,0,1,5,0,0,6,7,10,0,2,15,5,20,6,46,24,13,35,0,1,3,1,17,16,2,12,11,176,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.06763938535904711,0.0,0.16660125642829615,0.06773175713879308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648850133456997,0.05542949573266345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047135144286694665,0.0,0.05302417365936258,0.0,0.0,0.048465186602772894,0.07101925020809803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05329733652073822,0.057873370706844326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6983773016221079,0.0,0.07077621370881645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940216413618465,0.07145854947686482,0.059699093437033474,0.2814045107120012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05790202831877528,0.07796767570592864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560261950435035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065290828440276,0.0640786529659025,0.07242625193370096,0.0,0.1575684583222812,0.058136366374935834,0.11087170525605453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048957746365966816,0.03386277853856158,0.06946972824042556,0.0,0.0,0.05820537347659345,0.0,0.0,0.1178546864680454,0.0,0.06558553555931658,0.09253378900690187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699099898679009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05345837631990722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046968210334155984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19221133163761428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552308807872967,0.0,0.13276518386254724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102306309181027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04440361430822092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461692859154174,0.0,0.0,0.057336341600241286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532658165404813,0.1440852711501369,0.0,0.0,0.12116504767320622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841936257015757,0.044412903296847515,0.0,0.11005338991515956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05719039600871745,0.040882540305481885,0.05501734845461235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425374650840655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05046061183744392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hellokittylovesy0u,2020/02/23,"Coping mechanisms/treatments that helped the chronic emptiness ? Hi , I’ve recently been diagnosed with BPD and unfortunately I don’t have access to DBT any time soon. Does anyone have any tips or coping mechanisms that help them with the constant emptiness/boredom/apathy ? It’s been kinda ruining my life 😅 I just wanna stop feeling so .... synthetic . And does DBT even help with the emptiness cause if it does then I’ll look into getting it more urgently. Thank you :)",4.0568674698795215,7.270896915662654,4.565072289156627,77.11652409638556,79.8433734939759,7.6573493975903615,28.781927710843373,8.548686976883017,2.9823985542168665,376,17,58,9,10,119,61,83,0.134,0.721,0.145,0.2338,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,5,3,0,1,0,14,9,6,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,5,1,6,7,1,7,0,1,1,0,6,1,0,3,6,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827073904319725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14534236225024327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26179566683516176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21353214753654992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22462562495201585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21097616248740533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5457058833759587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729128622485265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510157561459807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859962875262176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179777556144248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14681950088418244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455223160662986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20523923975810893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378244021507713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913719539162724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212063530497043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mernerner,2020/02/23,"I want to be loved and also want to feel it Married to a good natured woman. but I feel empty in my heart. i try to love her more but it feels like it's only me.",0.024912280701755662,0.7407744736842155,3.0131578947368425,96.02043859649126,80.57894736842105,5.066666666666666,17.929824561403507,3.1291,-0.8281859649122811,122,2,32,0,3,44,28,38,0.05,0.5920000000000001,0.358,0.9109,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,8,8,4,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,4,5,7,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,21,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359567700118919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44756866272246815,0.2107885954716887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474795963545865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496436599655119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441498202712058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5326004589589153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22440394809082306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20032415981497165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34806422222881606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,laceandredwine69,2020/02/23,"Longest 2 weeks of my life. Last week I was diagnosed with Bi polar, BPD and PTSD. My boyfriend is in jail, got arrested 15 days ago. He has court tomorrow, I talked to his parole officer and he is for sure going back to prison. On top of all this I'm in the process of getting a restraining order against my ex, who was physically and mentally abuse to me. I have court for that Wednesday. It's just all too much at one time. Luckily my doctor got me started on Latuda. So maybe that will help.",1.7034999999999982,3.877894350000002,3.2960000000000003,89.24300000000002,80.5,7.2,25.0,8.238735603445708,1.6090999999999998,385,15,82,8,10,127,77,100,0.099,0.8059999999999999,0.095,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,7,4,0,0,3,9,13,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,10,1,15,8,3,18,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,10,50,15,1,0.0,0.25874956619667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935844164860145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792396951763425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750472546216419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408397423328432,0.0,0.0,0.22165536574487127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22352548212449214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409673086814548,0.0,0.12411277335573732,0.0,0.3493235885538385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463783257179849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780122701068908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425121863663466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21939628143078752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200799087863126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605375143880483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798278554467248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25527944293352195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15457346056542842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20582452374702045,0.0,0.0,0.17552894747292394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734158304466284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503492645360041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nikasorensen,2020/02/23,"It seems like no combination of meds will ever work for me. I’ve tried everything. My psychiatrist is slowly losing hope, the poor woman is gonna rip her degree off real soon and that I’m sure about. Now, anyone on Wellbutrin? Hello. So, after the last disastrous combination (Prozac, Lamictal, Abilify, Valium), my psychiatrist decided once again to spin the wheel. Now I’m on Wellbutrin, Lamictal, and Klonopin (Rivotril, or whatever it’s called in your country). I’m pretty satisfied with Lamictal, it works well with the introusive thoughts and extreme mood swings, it almost managed to s top me from stabbing myself in the face a couple of times. I’ve been on Wellbutrin for about two weeks now, and I’m honestly all over the fucking place. I break down at least three times a day, split on my friends, try to hurt myself and others. I know it takes a while for a drug to settle down and actually ‘help’, but some insight from someone who’s on it, or even been on it would be really appreciated. Same thing goes for Klonopin. I am so used to Xanax and Valium that this thin",4.725123762376239,6.626704519801983,5.398106435643567,78.84735767326733,70.63366336633662,8.812376237623761,28.46658415841584,9.354420925462401,2.601444554455445,851,32,155,19,16,275,131,202,0.05,0.845,0.105,0.8405,0,0,1,0,0,2,33.0,0,1,0,4,12,10,1,0,10,0,8,5,1,1,3,27,20,13,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,3,3,0,0,1,13,9,0,0,5,0,1,0,1,3,1,2,3,1,12,6,31,13,4,30,0,2,0,1,8,16,1,6,14,102,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.1666804611702536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103593970306666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943041189347653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744103953376927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18899182619931215,0.0,0.11015471140620588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980788838482316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128146990963874,0.1545023637283764,0.0,0.0,0.15350798634722498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196306017588144,0.15790592080087068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448659276500342,0.0,0.0,0.1696473145892487,0.0,0.0,0.18284964900514547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386963447345456,0.1392283876382485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344640498065467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19108643994783986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897251896798946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18190111766007008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784542501334242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737694859296152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19441280757510887,0.10942167601365384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15549391602062296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472201870204165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609811310226011,0.0,0.12842365624571986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134748575611252,0.0,0.0,0.1355996191200972,0.1991948451189851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23192995920326698,0.0,0.16685108555688374,0.0,0.0,0.14752016587962238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370089915214947,0.0,0.15357367354452614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486952832983815,0.0,0.0,0.12133454921970732,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AROSES524,2020/02/23,"I stopped DBT workbook I was diagnosed BPD about 5 weeks ago and got the workbook right away as a request from my therapist. It was going great! I was feeling like I can battle this. Then I got to the chapter about my ""higher power"" and I got stuck. I don't believe in a higher power, and I don't really understand spirituality. So now I just feel broken and depressed. If I can't find a higher power, does that mean I can't get better? What's the point of going on then?",1.2888659793814412,3.4560245360824817,3.764134020618561,85.35238659793818,81.98969072164948,5.9418556701030925,22.07113402061856,7.1686216300943375,0.8541595876288661,368,12,74,5,10,128,62,97,0.17300000000000001,0.7390000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.7819,3,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,4,5,5,1,0,6,0,8,1,0,0,0,12,19,9,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,7,2,13,3,9,12,0,13,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,7,50,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17390270330376134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843185960840653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210289129439766,0.0,0.17350623551730704,0.0,0.0,0.2470832207634703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897048914757726,0.19911968124563306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167939775846194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983901118311591,0.14015181304469146,0.0,0.0,0.17930596616971853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249652475268163,0.0,0.2229884738955635,0.0,0.4707118280489703,0.2162903491661277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584417323843963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136987242700671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854545455501794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256786325824863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675375827100759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401617933391013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22778137126548634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20423143797775656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736464047377852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,clairebear780,2020/02/23,"Splitting with hobbies/passions/places/jobs?! As soon as I feel part of a community I feel like an imposter and quit/run away...but I dream of & long for connection & finding my tribe..?! Hey, I recently received a diagnosis of BPD and it’s really shining a light onto my past and why it’s all been such mayhem. It’s comforting and sad at the same time to be making sense of it all finally... (NB also diagnosed Bipolar2 but waiting for another psychiatric assessment to understand if this was a misdiagnosis or co-morbid factor...perhaps explains the ups and downs further if so. I’m not on medication.) I know about splitting with people and can relate to that but one of the things I’m wondering is also BPD related is my tendency to get obsessed with a hobby/activity or even place; thinking this is what’s going to save me/make me feel whole again/ the missing piece to my puzzle.....I put my everything into it and then as quickly as it started, I turn on it and quit/run away! It means I have had a very unstable life in terms of where I live, my jobs, my finances etc. There is no continuation of anything. Does anyone else relate? An example with places: I nearly bought a house in a random town recently which I fell in love with & started spending some time in, and had all these fantasies of all the friends I would make but then suddenly it felt hostile and I realised how lonely I would be there, because surely no one would want to be friends with me....and I pulled out and retracted my offer & haven’t even wanted to visit the town again since... I also spent 2 years traveling the world on my own and would get to a place, absolutely love it, feel at home, but as soon as I started to get to know the place and people I would feel so self-conscious and socially anxious I would cut all ties and leave again. The things I am desperately seeking in friendship and connection are what I end up running away from! Bulimia followed me around on my travels because of the desperate loneliness I felt. An example with jobs: I put my everything into getting a great job, landed it and made a great first impression with my work, awesome co-workers, great company etc. Then after a couple of months despite getting really good feedback and obviously a valued member of the team, I get crippling anxiety about going into the office; feel super self conscious, have panic attacks on the way to work thinking today is the day I will get sacked. So I quit! (This was 5 yrs ago and I’ve only worked for myself since lol!) An example with passions: I’ve been into yoga for years. At the beginning of last year during a good/stable patch I trained as a yoga teacher in India & started doing some teaching when I got back to the UK. I practiced every day, it was my passion, I loved the philosophy etc. I go to classes to learn from other teachers. I was just starting to feel like a yoga teacher/part of the yoga community....Then I destabilize, stop teaching and I can’t bring myself to even get my mat out...for months 😔 The thought of bumping into someone I’ve thought or one of my teachers freaks me out because I feel ashamed and embarrassed of myself (perhaps partly because I’ve put on loads of weight recently too). I’m desperately hoping for this to come back because yoga felt like a life line for me. Actually this is the same with spirituality and health too (I also have bulimia)...I am either feeling very spiritual and healthy or completely disconnected and unhealthy. It seems to be that anytime I start to feel a part of a community...I get really anxious and run away... but at the same time I dream about connection and finding my tribe...! Always searching for somewhere to belong...but as soon as I find it...I freak out and I’m gone! I’ve just realised I’ve been chasing my tail my entire life!! 🙈🤦‍♀️🤣 Can anyone relate?! Is there any hope of settling down?! xx",4.146152632527951,5.850756699468086,5.433241074648397,78.81055084745763,71.76595744680851,8.130219978362785,30.564911648034617,8.744185296000047,2.598817589253516,3066,134,560,57,59,1023,325,752,0.10099999999999999,0.758,0.141,0.9912,5,2,0,0,0,0,134.0,0,0,0,7,34,33,3,4,44,1,38,12,0,4,7,121,105,59,0,12,15,0,14,3,2,7,6,0,1,1,27,47,1,2,29,11,4,18,5,12,0,4,19,16,63,21,106,75,21,109,0,3,1,5,13,44,0,13,49,376,90,13,0.0,0.0,0.048271585254638656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04384853792529191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15823145728943314,0.04115959347404487,0.26798142322107266,0.0,0.03363850992801111,0.051869311736385655,0.03784127998455167,0.1117647797313924,0.0,0.06917541827321777,0.05068366267586402,0.04070622295307581,0.04403514056598575,0.0,0.05627460517300258,0.1858993747006092,0.07607245128113405,0.0,0.15076977505571665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246011450141266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04261049495532804,0.05186405759671973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054733080210831946,0.0,0.06380282974395488,0.0,0.0,0.05020684974356192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043287944583897515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04132241417584695,0.0,0.043812107318121865,0.0,0.16550267087699175,0.09801528614404036,0.0,0.041677156265883496,0.0,0.08891352709492513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25011446565716866,0.07067690119634447,0.14248507094083787,0.05418747826610956,0.13563281608263458,0.04207567135922842,0.0,0.0,0.07643446706373642,0.0,0.2325950316298641,0.0,0.08433783692338752,0.0829793041721442,0.039562400990083464,0.16360899626245973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05257994118062529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04961833336631867,0.0982616048926182,0.0,0.057077010014789785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19634910189364355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05437033268918974,0.04032131262752352,0.0,0.052377248388209854,0.0,0.0,0.10481768935516997,0.07249962396196521,0.0,0.04367929812580828,0.04377576707220336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339347247323781,0.04680583293915499,0.06603774799653703,0.0,0.0,0.05388286920057247,0.0,0.04983169264733305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896642281595127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005581270749864,0.03762104783656313,0.0,0.05803757850779163,0.0,0.21426700777047064,0.047220801077583835,0.06858685684975474,0.0,0.20672535914258755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918068362601647,0.0,0.15783922842006348,0.0,0.0,0.095067371280009,0.0,0.1465248331924712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04503189978638397,0.10320744874771204,0.0,0.0,0.08183741135592494,0.0,0.0,0.05042425816569441,0.041912298627871526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21007332214687227,0.0,0.0,0.04135570938953244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0466210276596742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572589519565583,0.06339150589614405,0.0,0.07854080230995251,0.08653189654866676,0.0,0.046887891631931015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05380469738043549,0.0,0.051495748965225366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162910002883687,0.0583525417715319,0.03926373092117046,0.0,0.060236142999444624,0.0,0.0,0.04463528303740644,0.05522691356267361,0.0,0.0,0.05364366113917946,0.14404706449548482,0.0,0.0,0.2108349471511127,0.0,0.0,0.09556325813463674 bpd,DHomelessKitten,2020/02/23,"What do you say is your good and most important, bad qualities when asked on a job interview? Or should I maybe just write a book in advance and give them? 🤷‍♀️",1.359333333333332,2.8306070285714284,3.120000000000001,93.47333333333334,78.71428571428572,8.095238095238095,23.095238095238088,8.841846274778883,1.320238095238095,126,4,31,3,3,42,33,35,0.10800000000000001,0.74,0.152,0.1468,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,1,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,5,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,2,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,2,1,18,5,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874700669979855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460620708593388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3975938675362776,0.0,0.34763469095067245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4112938764443912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4163871336337264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296002587710348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,KLA0590,2020/02/23,"I keep hurting my partner I dont do it intentionally, but whenever I have a bad day I unload my problems onto him. When I go home, a place of trauma for me, I am often crying down the phone, hallucinating or verbally angry/upset. He says hes just sorry he couldn't help me from far away but I have immense guilt that I'm causing him such pain. What can I do? Should I not unload on him and go to a therapist? He says that's what partners are for but this is a lot.",0.5259999999999998,2.4079316000000013,3.532,87.551,83.0,6.0,21.0,7.1686216300943375,0.5752000000000002,360,11,80,5,10,129,70,100,0.293,0.7070000000000001,0.0,-0.9831,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,5,0,12,1,0,2,0,15,16,6,0,3,6,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,1,2,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,0,2,17,0,9,14,1,10,0,1,0,0,13,6,0,3,2,59,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21381894339323587,0.0,0.19001983122914093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337873956286029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499859926745209,0.14677030154966142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667221173616537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586779678783669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254210672432642,0.0,0.22828134049199325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436291446833477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20228360032568532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19348041559270046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421612130570976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377727086798557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21776336734067275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619615717447994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547572276943885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26423797252901937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,NB408,2020/02/23,"Major Fear Of Being Falsely Accused I close register at a coffee shop that I work at and I can't sleep. This is the third time that the money has been off and I'm so paranoid! The worst part is, I feel so guilty! I didn't do anything wrong but I walk around feeling absolutely guilty!! I'm convinced that one of my coworkers thinks I'm taking money because I was afraid to even make eye contact with him.. This is literally my nightmare.. If anything goes wrong I feel guilty because I'm so scared of being misidentified. I'm so scared of people thinking I'm a theif when I'm not.. So I literally can't help but to walk around stuttering and shaking as if I'm guilty. I can't even make eye contact with people.. Does anyone else have this problem!? It's 2 am and I'm still up thinking about why this would happen to me? Why do I automatically feel guilty when someone else thinks I did something wrong! I'm honestly thinking about all the things that could go wrong with me being helpless to stop it. I'm even thinking of going to prison and losing respect for everyone I work for. Everyone in my community. Even me on the newspaper labeled as a theif and completely destroying my reputation. With no defense against it because I can't help but to act guilty even when I'm innocent. These are real thoughts in my head and they scare me so much, how do I learn to fix this!?",3.2633830529990466,5.106240343065696,4.387473817835609,84.82501269438276,74.4014598540146,7.246969216121867,27.971437638844808,8.04050195162591,1.810437511900984,1090,44,217,17,23,356,131,274,0.268,0.637,0.095,-0.9958,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,1,3,20,20,2,6,8,0,23,4,4,3,1,42,52,24,0,5,6,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,14,14,0,2,12,1,3,6,7,17,0,2,5,6,26,3,32,42,5,22,0,2,2,0,6,10,0,2,6,139,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834450163439075,0.10014972812758877,0.16086908272289968,0.1740248088993678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17875052256882298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102482160792586,0.0,0.0,0.07804020135481607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553596272244073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330424151676182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227931757303726,0.0,0.0,0.18679613426117694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099885696217834,0.19768812602622796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109972448470302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643422109320319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031299152296456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103076515088186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093499327371774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048904042921278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185269145041925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623349981620567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584664486542444,0.0,0.1355260197069349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935272930773367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125345910147767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935747723666341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978140516678048,0.0,0.08281771859361955,0.07524769275228592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805805541937569,0.081717911319333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349091948212108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649364133062342,0.3757803844030717,0.0,0.07759739118075043,0.056994999020598285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639654378107844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231680964988705,0.0,0.0,0.06943415136883826,0.4274685289073729,0.0,0.0 bpd,dallasraver,2020/02/23,"I don’t know how long I can do this This is long but I haven’t talked to anyone about this and I don’t know who to talk to. So I’m (m20) in a LDR with my girlfriend (f18) of three years who became suicidal in November and I drove down right away when I found out how bad it was and got her parents involved (which she hated) and I took her to some places and got some contacts and her parents found some professionals and she was diagnosed with bpd. Things have been slowly getting better since then but never the same. I learned a lot about bpd since then and I’ve been really good at handling it as far as I can tell. We have an amazing relationship and I want to marry her someday even with all the problems she struggles with. But she has started cutting recently and I guess what she’s doing is not considered serious self harm but it’s really hard for me because I don’t know if that’s gonna stop when we get together in the future. She sounds like she’s feeling more suicidal than usual again, she has manic episodes fairly often and she’s very dissociative. I really want this to work but I don’t know if it can and it stresses me out a lot. I’m the only reason she’s trying as hard as she is to get better but if I leave I’m really afraid of what she’s going to do. If I leave her parents are essentially going to have to be on suicide watch but she’s really good at faking it with her parents. It’s going to put so much pressure on them and she’s going to be so hurt and it’s going to prove this idea she has that she doesn’t deserve love and she can’t have it. I love her so much but I don’t know what to do. I could wait it out and I know I can help her get through this but how will it affect my life in the future. Sometimes it’s amazing but right now I feel trapped in a way. I could go on forever with how I feel and how she feels but I don’t know, I could just use some advice right now.",0.8629014598540152,2.7360469659367443,2.772481143552312,93.48616697080291,81.77372262773724,5.861824817518247,20.007360097323602,6.961326702584282,0.21577805352798046,1497,40,344,18,40,500,171,411,0.154,0.73,0.115,-0.9594,4,1,0,0,0,1,23.0,2,0,1,3,19,21,2,4,10,0,38,4,0,8,3,88,78,49,3,10,17,4,6,1,1,2,2,1,0,1,27,28,0,2,17,0,0,9,11,12,0,1,10,8,59,9,46,61,11,47,0,1,1,2,46,20,0,12,18,245,86,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762433924573816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05455565304622911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330538824948413,0.0,0.06514613383780421,0.04756223377102292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801040403434586,0.0,0.0,0.1965350410952381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18688558905061176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919193099304726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051533604254055385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15780354757052065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109687802882753,0.0,0.0,0.16305565907829195,0.0,0.2660543808605008,0.13088435867646062,0.12480460117009055,0.0,0.0859513787471872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978696854302794,0.07703178148352946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05229732305456121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352547607092665,0.0880787239987735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30015666781208683,0.0,0.0,0.16523065920887398,0.0,0.0,0.05511011123423913,0.03811820662680295,0.0,0.0,0.13809619774418036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266511150614105,0.14083801357455686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471209567601287,0.0,0.060176321094712264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0593401784691993,0.0,0.0,0.3465422317192593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151766372193056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465768905267185,0.0,0.07843489127843571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499183791504556,0.08022087004372701,0.07703852188969415,0.08376774426685678,0.0,0.19989422349995736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139523990195514,0.0,0.0,0.1290832359697907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077166964567881,0.0,0.055225240234172635,0.0,0.0,0.06523090974383093,0.08937534061780332,0.08156681542221457,0.0,0.2560342333851425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254242255660769,0.06819573765770924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05183516376127613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866866738152245,0.05297264819200812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738701524557368,0.08593155929282334,0.06437733187329818,0.09204023922717088,0.06193120431814436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05680183704784346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0502443988042976 bpd,Darkpowwer,2020/02/23,"Venting or something I had a falling out with a friend yesterday... This is only my side of the story, how I viewed it. We were just relaxing, having a good time when she got going on a topic she's very very passionate about. When she gets started she never stops. I got upset because I felt like she didn't listen to me at all, that my opinion didn't matter. She took her stuff and ran away, when I tried following her she grabbed me and screamed at me to leave her alone and never talk to her again. The guard separated us and I ran away crying, no clue where she is now. I tried calling her, but it's what it is... I was supposed to sleep over at her place, I don't live anywhere near so going home wasn't an option. But I have another friend in this city, my best friend, so I texted her and hopped on the metro. I sat on the floor bawling my eyes out with my bf on the line. Strangers came up to me asking if I'm alright. I told them yes even if it clearly was a no. My best friend came down to the metro, took me home, gave me food, tea and we watched some funny videos to get my mind off everything. Maybe I reacted poorly, maybe I shouldn't have acted the way I did. I don't know, maybe my friend has a right to be angry with me. Should I text her? Who knows, I'm just so sad and want to go home, I want to cuddle my boyfriend and my cats, but it's 7h until I'm home I'm afraid. Fuck this bullshit, I just want it undone.",1.3759419924337948,2.8251870393442644,2.758114754098361,96.18203972257251,78.60655737704919,5.741488020176544,20.255359394703657,6.297961479604792,-0.12013997477931948,1097,26,263,8,26,356,159,305,0.10300000000000001,0.711,0.185,0.9799,0,1,1,0,0,0,41.0,3,0,1,2,15,17,1,2,14,2,20,7,2,2,4,47,51,22,0,7,9,0,2,1,6,2,0,2,4,0,13,17,2,2,3,2,1,12,10,5,0,0,20,7,57,12,33,28,4,47,0,1,3,3,33,22,1,6,13,173,70,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328792335620314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457329260024577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323202973196128,0.0,0.18739509985759595,0.0,0.0,0.06079314058495479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093163445119006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183323293918872,0.2281240683637441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095463042628712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586927063494885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962891518854557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575432637567828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059125031899873,0.0,0.3852472503212804,0.09219674311418184,0.10420731765081973,0.0,0.17003281907198434,0.08364694618524629,0.15952286221689266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40014045451948704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961558036427367,0.0,0.0,0.10559733950458014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048721965109246125,0.0,0.08806147354909552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30056993504337626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069664771487633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383245311009888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584748498949136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419432389703362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516699537884863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979982114908864,0.0,0.0,0.07677533187219468,0.0,0.0,0.0705878493755562,0.0,0.0,0.08337690541686102,0.0,0.0,0.11416447010272435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801574271543471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05815208154311032,0.0,0.0,0.09529418561414443,0.22160250813542567,0.13541725833138218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996026294723396,0.0,0.0,0.1645717569069311,0.17646611899310913,0.07915928484003024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,berylpricee,2020/02/23,"Does anyone else with BPD experience this? Dose anyone else experience intense episodes of really strong anger, to the point of impulseive self harm / suicide attempts? I'm not suicidal and don't have intent to self harm, but when I have one of these episodes all I want to do is kill / harm myself. I go into a screaming rage and if my boyfriend tries to touch me or calm me down, I end up hitting and kicking him as well as shouting at him and telling him that I hate him. These episodes are triggered really easily, e.g a meal my boyfriend made didn't taste how I expected it to taste, and then the inappropriate anger just built up. After these episodes I'm left with foggy to no memory of what happened, I just end up feeling tired and confused. My boyfriend tells me what I did / said, then I'm left with overwhelming guilt and shame. Dose anyone else go through this?",7.364664005322691,6.9690844550898206,6.626307385229541,80.60470392548241,63.73053892215569,10.05695276114438,34.72322022621424,9.444778638647367,2.9164110445775115,692,27,137,11,9,212,97,167,0.27899999999999997,0.633,0.08900000000000001,-0.9926,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,2,5,16,5,4,4,0,8,6,0,4,1,26,20,16,3,3,6,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,9,11,3,0,1,0,0,2,4,13,1,1,4,7,19,3,23,15,1,17,0,1,0,0,9,9,0,3,6,84,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27396552387234063,0.4014598406017322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449204462613307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429305102229614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273103981140305,0.0,0.2313539931377155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25551291071025883,0.0,0.0,0.0660376593519361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148451318894922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549330278229444,0.0,0.0,0.12894509973189985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449474722767378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838047722303132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358132278347715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850112318771866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346365442581855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733742724763856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423497561742347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724983669007738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857206824059295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283085247209031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501108871942627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867201657074239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703403451102228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174293081596695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,paintedwings28,2020/02/23,"Does anyone else mostly have it together other than...? I'm mostly functioning (at the moment anyway) and other than the usual mood cycling, outbursts and constant calls to the void, I'm ok I think - I really can't remember what it's like to not be this way so don't have anything else to compare it to. However, every now and then when it just gets too much, I always want to go back to self harming, nothing catastrophic, but just enough to take the edge off and reset. I really battle with this feeling especially being a mum, trying so to hard not to fuck parenthood up but I feel I could just manage my life a little better if I could just get that relief every now and again. Does anyone else feel this way? Can responsible self harm exist or am I just being ridiculous? For background - I was a chronic self harmer from ages 13-20 and since then I've maybe had 2-3 slip ups, diagnosed with BPD and PTSD at 23 (now 26 yo). First time posting here, let me know if anything is out of line and I'll edit/delete.",4.806161462300079,5.3487373465346595,5.833366336633662,80.9159367859863,69.09900990099011,8.393602437166795,26.42955064737243,8.384062270229773,1.6801594821020562,792,22,155,11,13,263,133,202,0.079,0.81,0.11199999999999999,0.5765,2,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,2,16,10,3,0,7,1,15,4,0,0,0,34,28,18,0,5,12,1,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,11,11,0,0,6,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,2,4,11,4,22,20,4,25,0,0,0,1,5,7,1,5,15,104,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339832020421102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17377776224599564,0.25464807303239856,0.2045187874783211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555200880744937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990217255502206,0.0,0.0,0.15650724415082387,0.0,0.12688831820012828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428617040110152,0.0,0.1984307622757274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612621962612794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21749003706222075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114220417599303,0.0,0.0,0.1283988209964995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20939701221773369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884961445795125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056996285143608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488086295241005,0.12984652356814785,0.0,0.07062258501195688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131690864361232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829271859246394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706924105128029,0.08777194729296653,0.06070953492961766,0.1245460377198661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484075665799915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134897199486433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192354869571495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901138824095445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525897434185608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159214505730912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407678651621515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3889060580665733,0.0,0.0,0.10279317833155573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343171160514592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962390625905881,0.0,0.0,0.07245984060280562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436768463985822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686018997483249,0.0,0.07329463546119812,0.19727132751003806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sadbitchxxx,2020/02/23,Anyone else have issues in the mall? The comfort of ordering my groceries online is getting to me..,3.741666666666666,6.717733166666669,4.964444444444447,75.50000000000003,78.44444444444446,5.822222222222222,31.222222222222207,7.1686216300943375,2.5886888888888886,79,4,11,1,2,26,17,18,0.0,0.872,0.128,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685763502131344,0.5400993552571305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4403432600515504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753997814568732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5501790019757897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MagerialPage,2020/02/23,"PMDD with BPD woes. I know that a lot of women with BPD and depression have to struggle through PMDD every month just like I do and I've gotten better at it over time, especially with the help of DBT (I just used ""Tip the temperature"" and it did help), but it's still not easy. There's a war in my head, a hoard of voices talking at once, pointing fingers, calling me every insult imaginable at times and me internally screaming back. It feels like there is nothing to be done with myself. And I desperately feel the need to talk to someone, but then when I do, it's exhausting; the dance of when to speak and when to listen makes me feel like I'm becoming dizzy from being on a merry-go-round for too long. I always feel like I'm teetering on the verge of a nervous breakdown when I PMS, if I don't actually break down, that is. I have fantasies of punishing my ex like I am some villain in a comic. I want to rub the faces of everyone who has ever hurt me in the dirt and yet I feel at the same time that the world is cruel and unfair - that it is made for people made of steel but that I am made of plastic. At least this began \~2 days before my period as opposed to the usual 10. I think it may have been the yoga and DBT that I've been doing more of lately that has helped. It's constant work to get better, but I didn't think it was possible to get better until recently, so it helps a lot just knowing that a different head/life is possible. But any other suggestions would really help. This morning, I felt a strong conviction that I should kill myself finally, but now I feel much calmer, like I should keep trying for a life worth living even if I feel shitty right now. I like to drink lavender tea, watch the nature channel or kids movies (something very innocent) and just try to be easy on myself when I get bad PMDD, but right now I feel like I should be applying for jobs since I hate my current workplace, but it's hard focusing on that when I'm in this headspace that's bordering psychosis.",9.526980958230956,5.804229651105652,9.34880681818182,73.34321022727275,62.07125307125308,12.632002457002455,37.231111793611795,10.270032843473604,3.4771426289926293,1576,48,326,25,16,518,205,407,0.17800000000000002,0.691,0.13,-0.9793,3,0,2,0,0,1,44.0,0,0,0,5,22,27,7,2,22,0,31,8,3,5,1,63,62,31,2,8,16,1,12,8,0,5,3,4,0,2,27,14,2,2,14,6,1,1,3,15,0,0,12,17,36,12,49,41,7,51,0,3,1,0,16,20,0,7,37,217,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.08142652884279866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942972366647356,0.0,0.0,0.05674284539099025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416109617811251,0.06966987745491876,0.0,0.09215419790191272,0.07100227551164541,0.0,0.0,0.22139075728996752,0.0,0.0,0.21018242253321384,0.0,0.08520274654113465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017024343107027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053812640800926216,0.0,0.07186774285182566,0.0,0.0,0.08717824538994323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538926971659844,0.0,0.08174056360728355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05511209463525907,0.07547730002713952,0.14060554045896714,0.0797315975284254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375228328533512,0.2384415056363101,0.08011659224524464,0.09140570459160333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078367568134236,0.0,0.0474215301787128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474688361733486,0.08238086375859859,0.17126939159883156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796442301167864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932548010774402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280246921797545,0.07416633071753295,0.0923152730111177,0.0,0.09171415107987232,0.0,0.09412525507777396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05893695404512735,0.3261210608264265,0.0,0.07368006685325408,0.0738427947065996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187736887330707,0.0,0.2368621096071262,0.05569761759001656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666019322870467,0.0,0.06133884835163465,0.061870557705308166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800640367688986,0.0,0.0,0.08886210477037207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784758930179103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887886019352028,0.18813472559364003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05345453927471636,0.0,0.08238807221816212,0.0,0.0,0.14251657757477526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902338405752739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069941819991132,0.06423707618145087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666362126086321,0.0,0.0,0.08723081018133996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413367624888664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693144333279994,0.0,0.0,0.14596562207297714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330213139549597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206636553292205,0.0918986416039156,0.06884768992821777,0.04921575395282534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060746153197521885,0.0,0.0,0.05927420108092229,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,billybooya,2020/02/23,"Reading what everyone writes here is relevant and relatable in some way I've been reading on this subreddit for a little while now, there is posts that just pull my heart into my stomach. I've recently heard of BPD this past early December and was emergency assessed early January. A bit of background; My biological mother suffers from Bipolar and I was so scared that I would inherit it that I never knew BPD even existed. I have been struggling with my mental health for a couple of years now. I originally got diagnosed with depression and anxiety and kind of accepted it. Over time thing had become a rollercoaster for me and my Ex partner. He was the one who actually put in my symptoms in a app and told me the results(without my knowledge) At first with the idea that I might have BPD drove me down thinking it's the end of the world, that is part of the reason I ended up in the hospital. This sub and the further I educate myself has been very helpful in understanding my previous actions and emotions. I wish I knew what I had before now. Since the symptoms started to become extreme, I've lost my partner(FP), lost my good paying job, quit school, and basically bankrupted myself with no family to rely on. The past week or so I've cut out drinking, started working out again, and distancing from my EX(FP)(We still live together). I do have dreams and goals, I wish I had someone who I could talk with but the past few years I went from Mr. Sociable to Hermit. I'm trying to work on everything and I will do it. It's just hard and so much. As I write this I feel nothing. To myself this week as been easy but I don't like it. Most of the time I'm just numb. I've been trying not to think of things and just do them. If something has upset me I just stare at a wall, blare music in my headphones, or just shove it down. This this is just exhausting.",4.129972527472528,5.7172638104395626,5.1376923076923084,81.38230769230772,71.60989010989013,8.496703296703298,28.934065934065927,9.04235418022936,2.4266769230769234,1473,58,282,30,28,483,191,364,0.091,0.856,0.053,-0.8682,1,0,2,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,1,7,18,14,1,3,18,0,28,10,2,2,1,57,47,26,0,5,13,2,2,1,1,3,7,1,0,2,25,23,1,0,10,4,2,5,4,10,0,2,20,4,41,4,45,23,6,54,0,4,1,0,14,22,0,6,26,206,66,9,0.0,0.0,0.09279404736981166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727435303584392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21003869689560928,0.08091452025312185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381356717968884,0.0,0.3592872854220971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592156549377661,0.1052151904891415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190081082086491,0.09651426960222742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315192283405546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696336393900048,0.16844289411267668,0.0,0.0,0.06280599692646803,0.0,0.0,0.09086249583605817,0.08546069081365695,0.0,0.08964231604618916,0.0,0.04808032189462052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088343941117365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975691539282967,0.07605209756778204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518189290032831,0.0,0.0,0.1010761408990188,0.0,0.11268201587638407,0.06373677057080282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734494799709007,0.0,0.0,0.0943620753597888,0.0,0.0,0.09902152134129667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04645613290394028,0.09530508325720256,0.08396614360156919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076037662444712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582827638417893,0.10087538072363712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990203414589824,0.0,0.07333921025761038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124134512592057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443539236034755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297311950683362,0.27232227172067225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106986037059787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559163601823226,0.0,0.1011398373153589,0.1902313101538529,0.0,0.0,0.09776827742469464,0.09388982662983468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520160088694456,0.09623607807085796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865936643602059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056938266552306,0.07320486793177265,0.0,0.0,0.13461027299048106,0.0,0.07593893485608298,0.0,0.0,0.0994086331212949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19766967729563525,0.0,0.0764296776776268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634703832567593,0.12185956541390408,0.0,0.0,0.11089539688106012,0.0,0.0,0.09086249583605817,0.0,0.129119630877451,0.0,0.0,0.09899196273782747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845914459690438,0.0,0.07547795432437167,0.1525508000166803,0.0,0.0,0.08814931072391023,0.0,0.0,0.21869743584343665,0.09166329189550844,0.0,0.1384531920359075,0.0,0.0,0.06754915260516216,0.0,0.0,0.12246958475164753 bpd,Tanstorm,2020/02/23,"How do you deal with somebody not texting you back in dating? I'll be texting someone and then out of nowhere they almost disappear. Sometimes I won't hear back for hours or days at a time. This can give me pretty bad anxiety. It makes me feel like maybe they don't like me anymore, or I said something wrong, or the loss interest which is hard because I can get attached kind of quickly. Just curious what other people do to take their mind off it, and how do you be okay if the new person doesn't want to talk to you anymore?",5.798442367601247,5.400077644859813,5.922009345794393,84.36781152647977,66.94392523364486,8.628660436137071,32.78660436137071,7.793537801064563,2.1413127725856693,416,16,86,4,6,132,78,107,0.114,0.7390000000000001,0.14800000000000002,0.6107,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,4,3,1,6,8,0,0,3,1,11,0,0,3,0,17,19,9,0,2,6,0,2,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,4,13,5,11,15,0,14,0,1,0,0,13,4,0,5,11,58,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18452383196465447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096913563502328,0.0,0.365500662020592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833907232291508,0.1538611256299811,0.11233174394823836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188415106960663,0.18997844300601355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317449105289433,0.13164541044962047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627557987012103,0.17677244966719946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16507334404510826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076902348477788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814728094685847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19189305501074272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005397505853854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300435210114115,0.0,0.1851280405264836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860642490043165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797301537798038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775241654061553,0.16090098327950608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18747294561556874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528680964345528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613479545248055,0.14186315821858947,0.18225173667901004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855114431804344,0.1481124925610451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745167417085837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868960271689528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20147473408084032,0.0,0.0 bpd,notsbadandyou,2020/02/23,"Throwaway account my gf is on here;But I really need help Caught her lying but in a shady way I caught my gf (obvi my fp) lying to me ; to my face and just in general. It’s scary how she can keep a straight face and not even flinch. So I did some digging and gained access to her social media ; snap, Facebook etc and found things out because my stomach was telling me somethjng was up. I love this gal we live together and have a life but how do I bring this up; I also was in the wrong for digging. But man it’s screwing with me and I’m overly paranoid and I’m trying so hard not to explode but idk what to do.",2.2433846153846164,3.3620927230769264,3.549230769230772,92.77076923076923,75.61538461538461,6.123076923076923,25.30769230769231,6.2581,0.6248307692307691,474,16,108,3,10,155,83,130,0.168,0.737,0.095,-0.8577,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,1,7,3,1,0,4,0,9,6,3,2,0,24,18,16,0,1,7,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,6,10,0,1,1,0,1,3,2,2,0,0,7,1,18,1,15,11,2,13,0,0,0,2,11,9,1,1,0,74,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21749436626997304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579042999485455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30331851946511845,0.17963366585338486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982011433245435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436317618511989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18229580466167933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417394939868868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921005031549902,0.0,0.0,0.240154554036944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454636060887933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016623603684891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174230990674011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27723923579419896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377138282553954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18068482927459534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18464982456458534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21587718195565148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973565763543488,0.0,0.0 bpd,blackenedmessiah,2020/02/23,"A kind of relapse... I'd been doing so well, no breakdowns or anything. This night, I was showing my boyfriend some of my old stuff and I just suddenly changed moods. It also doesn't help that I was in a situation at a store where we were on lockdown for 2 hrs and I feel like my dad didn't care enough about me. Things spiraled in my head after that. I wrote something down in a journal and what I wrote scared me. I realise that no matter how good I've been, I still need help. I just don't know who to turn to. I know I should be on something, but I don't have the money. I feel trapped in my own body. These thoughts and feelings I don't want. I feel so out of control even though I know everything is find and it's just me freaking over nothing. I feel so alone sometimes. So alone and unloved. I feel today was a very bad day for these feelings.",0.9087026691495944,2.903836335195532,2.000065176908752,98.43524363749226,82.29608938547486,4.6481688392302924,23.352265673494724,5.46131890053228,0.03771111111111125,660,24,154,3,18,208,107,179,0.21,0.7509999999999999,0.038,-0.9831,0,4,2,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,0,1,15,10,0,1,6,0,16,2,2,2,0,34,33,15,0,3,5,1,7,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,12,8,0,1,12,1,2,0,7,4,1,0,10,7,27,5,19,21,3,18,0,0,0,0,7,11,0,2,8,107,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869157038660641,0.0,0.11076891748898596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398452188504582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565269609440665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385688614765547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412233897261322,0.0,0.14652854846610006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535427780928412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932952403445914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312111275782846,0.0,0.0914866304465962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448668950090234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4902548800003152,0.0989538233560579,0.0,0.0,0.12659851141124911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617826005766717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421544548407638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18568489190283585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442401326710443,0.2283696174704864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767052942311688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270574700111333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998520987060005,0.0,0.13290710491799626,0.0,0.14534625244381272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867582881401194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569458615010162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21326838286499894,0.13699304894925438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061678199010958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856441988409967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202198332156207,0.0,0.13608846842043953,0.10996397049767773,0.0,0.0,0.13129427203364885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506625341572033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428785654492288,0.08169864571164602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453995827166275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,danceinurdrawers4me,2020/02/23,"Not so much DBT Q, just a Q- How do you get up and out of bed in the morning and actually do shit instead of go back to sleep? My meds might be making me extra sleepy and lethargic but I’ve barely been able to get anything done this week. Nothing excites me. Food doesn’t even help me get out of bed at this point. I can fall asleep after a nitro cold brew from Starbucks. I want to accomplish things and I’m sure that would help me be less depressed but I just can’t... I’m doing the bare minimum which is go to therapy and occasionally hang out with friends. I don’t have a job and I need to find ways to make money but I’m just like welp money isn’t an issue for me if I’m not awake bc I’m not spending any (luckily I’m living rent free). Anyone have any tips and tricks?? I’m over this rut. Like cool my meds are making me not suicidal but I still hate being alive and would rather just sleep to avoid everything.",0.4666156462585072,2.5385852193877554,2.3183673469387784,95.06472789115652,84.56122448979592,5.365986394557824,18.51700680272109,6.655083550727371,-0.10303809523809493,717,18,166,8,21,237,120,196,0.09699999999999999,0.7290000000000001,0.175,0.9570000000000001,2,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,1,11,12,3,1,6,1,20,5,4,4,1,38,38,15,1,6,14,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,3,0,6,12,1,1,1,0,5,4,8,5,0,0,2,2,15,8,21,30,3,17,0,1,0,0,4,8,1,2,6,99,21,2,0.1443942640266738,0.0,0.14090797256703633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19638610205686932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096382674131422,0.0,0.11882417610531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110302761105114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243665680231864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477654647169677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537104957488056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297722539112822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197374139772505,0.0,0.1746021172180388,0.0,0.11155865020154944,0.0,0.22632012990140585,0.0,0.16412517562695805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425594416895248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935688629532488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071009683630354,0.14328902664602808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410874875348655,0.0,0.12750278056110353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891528774329213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207789519538642,0.0,0.0,0.15317949569596892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614639827656283,0.10706651716270256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855019066842975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649925185593398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821863702205054,0.0,0.0,0.288997087674564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153134457733764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579438887077869,0.0,0.13608988500921748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512742499939245,0.0,0.09592913292901864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516747804931196,0.11461344578461155,0.11582436887445716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20514708458144615,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Timelesswaves,2020/02/23,"Does anyone else go on an impulsivity rampage when you're feeling really low? I go on rampages when I'm very low. I'm on one now, I break promises, I lie, and do harmful behaviors to myself and others. I don't think of the future. I just think of what is in front of me. It hurts because I can see myself being hurt by my actions but I continue. It's like I have no control over myself. Is anyone else like this?",0.24413793103448,2.4253973793103465,3.1294367816091966,88.12174137931036,86.70114942528734,5.319080459770115,21.34367816091953,6.742157984588678,0.5909043678160915,320,11,67,4,10,113,60,87,0.127,0.762,0.11199999999999999,0.1197,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,8,15,5,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,0,0,4,2,5,0,1,0,2,13,3,10,14,0,17,0,4,1,0,0,7,0,0,7,46,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964311130667125,0.4343801574705041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921599421361912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377443104207468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18549788227797329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541503480432869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717927162508467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24093682888042026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4538402247728795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20711735242020254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436375246237961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579451288874064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891401827480607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716458406879533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489887003365248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Vatican_God,2020/02/23,"Help? I think I might have BPD but no one around here that can test me. I notice I have some of the traits, I also have the WORST WORST WORST case of abandonment fears, I can even sleep alone in the fear im alone or something might happen. Can anyone comment on this?",1.882363636363636,3.745970690909093,2.2163636363636385,98.76454545454548,78.45454545454545,5.127272727272729,16.454545454545453,5.6839178017228535,-0.8303454545454549,208,3,48,1,5,63,38,55,0.507,0.47,0.023,-0.9924,0,2,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,3,0,8,1,1,0,0,8,10,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,7,0,5,8,4,3,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,4,0,36,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4231861656390342,0.0,0.16337855625369596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285124032007004,0.0,0.0,0.18187022513328674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573085722484195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493815718084026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4597883726054096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18066172689816126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693791654245152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206789500864237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4334598174024631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23259679029075697,0.0,0.0,0.13843889959281078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044474429885408,0.0,0.0,0.15728004424394856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309071266798136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MrMAB01,2020/02/23,Are there people on here cause I need help with my BPD I have BPD been dealing with it for about 5 years. I looked for chat rooms but didn't find an. so before I tyupe the slightly long story of this episode I want to make sure im not sharing for anything. sorry I in not leaving proof of anything unless it serves a purpose.,3.1017647058823528,4.159570352941177,3.5963529411764728,93.50158823529414,73.41176470588233,5.44,25.364705882352943,3.1291,0.2318611764705878,256,8,56,0,5,80,54,68,0.07,0.8320000000000001,0.098,0.2028,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,2,2,13,8,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,7,2,12,6,0,5,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,2,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563027630058235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842155533075412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5453187377934802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22239306437084835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22318987696059056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19786633598263212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510750876364806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233844456613237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229229795415732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19158528633945449,0.18179560374216647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450758610650286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605232922325164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150085692239385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423408686565023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040376110117295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769037725249413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941133339104927 bpd,HenloImAnxious,2020/02/23,"My Crazy Ex Girlfriend So, I just started watching this show, I'm almost through the second episode. Does anyone else think Paula is pretty much the borderline personality disorder personified, and she's there as a narrative of Rebecca's irrational thoughts?",9.177131782945736,11.39748144186047,8.386046511627908,60.468062015503904,60.16279069767442,12.24496124031008,44.56589147286822,11.855464076750405,6.387347286821706,214,13,29,7,3,67,40,43,0.168,0.7609999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,3,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301679097173697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23054855909238256,0.3378380844274229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3778887816912261,0.0,0.2885410308751936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27543955018335176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423828411160436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878996211776045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354447494581997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23337818998757665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112718752972198,0.0,0.261761609174538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gEnErAlCoNfUsE,2020/02/23,"Please Help Me I have no one. Not even my significant other who is on a trip right now talks to me about mental health. I talk to my best friend about hers all the time, I listen and respond because I care. Sometimes I talk to people and they don’t even respond. It’s like they haven’t even heard me. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I have no one that asks me how I’m doing and genuinely cares, everyone just asks as a formality so they can get to their own issue because that’s what I do, I listen and talk to people about their problems. No one does with that me, not my significant other, not my best friend. I feel like garbage. I feel like I want to hurt myself so badly. I haven’t in awhile, but I just don’t see any point in carrying on in life day in and day out, nothing changing. I’m alone. I don’t want to do anything because I’m the only one at the apartment with my boyfriends dog while he’s away. But I can’t stop this sadness that’s been accumulating for weeks. It never stops, for years it’s been an accumulation. I don’t want to keep on suffering with BPD that no one in my life understands. I have no one.",2.925756302521009,3.752328634453786,4.297731092436976,89.18550420168069,73.57983193277309,7.280672268907563,24.084033613445378,7.510576382923642,0.8113462184873952,877,24,202,10,17,291,113,238,0.138,0.726,0.135,-0.6932,0,1,0,0,0,2,25.0,0,0,5,3,12,16,0,0,6,0,17,3,0,1,2,31,38,12,0,4,7,0,3,4,2,0,3,3,0,0,13,9,0,3,4,0,0,1,16,6,0,6,3,7,37,10,28,35,4,25,0,4,1,0,22,14,0,0,14,137,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511619781639303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690187587564887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352013772009237,0.0,0.18976461451996288,0.0,0.09535606751682632,0.0,0.08474246279899593,0.18560767563028316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21302140231862654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782695171273206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20695787049263006,0.0,0.10736619626440244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309092502463205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881725768157181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20110561981791408,0.0,0.0,0.0969809648628868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395381665516766,0.21751997950114468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682656735517048,0.0,0.05302593304312676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788237301658947,0.0,0.0,0.06802865638154658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865041609885198,0.0,0.0,0.10593238224871668,0.0,0.09021169193006576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337509460633402,0.1983375231493348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354476929073486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228112951743276,0.0,0.10247905463392096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827770201137955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738532498232227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4126459304199729,0.0771900429107858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072501240125335,0.0,0.0,0.11140889823007556,0.09594374383537356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711514812155574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667451569141485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087682566996418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037922803655826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697054795630394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263050972629874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05918141742321604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565785114803786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795897029316815,0.0,0.08141160794722434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535820079717901 bpd,dainty_daisies,2020/02/23,"Reliving intense emotions My SO and I have been together for roughly 2 years. The first year and a half was a little hard. I never met any of his friends until late summer 2019 (we met early summer 2018). Whenever we would bump into people he knew he would never introduce me. His Facebook had loads of photos of his and his ex girlfriend, it took until very recently until he started posting me. Whenever he would make a story with me in it, it never had my face in it. He eventually got jealous of my friends and I slowly started to get isolated from my friend group, they haven’t talked to me since. It was just a really hard fucking year and I cried and begged for him to tell me what was so wrong with me to have him treat me like this. He’s been getting better and “showing me off” now I guess but sometimes I just burst out crying because it feels like he was constantly ripping my heart out for two years. I would be fine but something super small would remind me of those dark times and I would be reliving everything all over again, sometimes 40x more intensely. I guess what I’m trying to ask is if anyone had dealt with something like this and how they learned to forgive and not feel it to the extreme often.",4.586573529411762,5.769830608333336,5.1083823529411765,83.58308823529413,70.0,7.813725490196079,28.700980392156865,8.124751697461798,1.9044289215686283,966,35,185,13,17,309,135,240,0.057999999999999996,0.823,0.11900000000000001,0.9356,0,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,2,0,2,3,8,14,2,0,6,0,21,3,2,2,4,44,38,19,0,7,6,1,5,3,4,6,0,0,0,0,12,18,0,0,5,1,0,1,5,3,0,3,14,5,33,11,29,16,2,33,0,0,0,1,29,9,1,4,25,131,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429247238563515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638883028448773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213225098509636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659664398860915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662109004854008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805841377796795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24000787441035001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288943806182312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981851718543067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047827072512506,0.0780468834925908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292640070122622,0.0,0.0,0.2532144948956924,0.10099813266768386,0.11415527422705707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737570687153741,0.0,0.2406982564491703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19572972588134865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294595560646283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323664535100523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16011934900475813,0.1094953233949528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729239728504873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527766705690572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573889538259324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462950633914077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998714737672075,0.0,0.10786934525397276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037117928652844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682090905191773,0.21609838140696144,0.0,0.15465277265010635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780950593893216,0.0954876779798766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370346118755246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137868844474653,0.07417230674574207,0.0,0.10671954534290204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901411458583471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4656404080523133,0.11944567641061575,0.0,0.2814088468342804 bpd,leavenoise,2020/02/23,"Stopped myself from raging at my FP today It's a bit strange of a situation, my FP and I are sort of taking a break in our relationship (it's a long distance one), although we still talk everyday and spend time together and we actually haven't had an argument since the split this last Tuesday... which doesn't sound like much but it is really great considering we used to get into arguments literally every day/every other day. Oops. .\_. So today he made a comment that kinda hurt me and triggered me and I totally overreacted. I couldn't help myself and I said ""Thanks for making me feel like an idiot"" and he apologized right away and explained he didn't mean anything bad. Then I actually stopped myself from replying and raging at him like I normally would and instead, I put my phone down, opened a new Word document on my PC and typed all the angry thoughts and things I would say to him in there. It's actually the first time I've done this and it really did help. I cried and was really upset but when I calmed down, I went ahead and also wrote down all the facts about how he's been treating me well and spending time with me and basically doing everything I'd want him to do in the last days. I did not read over the bad part of the doc again. I just closed it without saving when I was finished and calm and went back to talking to him. I did tell him afterwards why his comment hurt me and we discussed it in a calm manner. I feel really good about this! My BPD has been off the charts lately, esp. since getting into this relationship and I'm in the process of trying to get medical help and get into therapy again rn. He's really understanding and supportive of my BPD and trying to get better. He also seemed happy when I shared with him that I did this. It's a small step but made me hopeful since controlling these tantrums has been pretty much impossible for me these last months. Also, it was his birthday today, so I'm really really really happy I didn't fuck it up today. Thanks for reading. <3",3.178553481694188,5.220117982412064,4.647369705671212,81.99702010050252,75.20603015075379,8.066159368269922,24.436755204594398,8.841846274778883,1.8755239626704951,1599,52,310,35,35,533,197,398,0.141,0.69,0.16899999999999998,0.9486,0,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,5,0,0,4,19,29,5,1,19,0,25,2,0,7,4,72,54,38,0,6,6,0,2,3,0,2,1,3,0,0,22,35,0,3,7,2,2,4,7,10,1,2,21,5,49,19,41,30,7,59,0,2,0,1,37,22,1,4,35,211,71,4,0.0,0.0,0.2191013119563807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795503488335994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061587555817500285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031534299442453,0.05754791281976336,0.12497779099064042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619055657578096,0.08170670932979643,0.0,0.18851859535894674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394025871088019,0.0,0.0,0.08220904350080474,0.14479826620244216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765880656987651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611311006666764,0.0,0.06726203533059254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568345818860206,0.053466242771474236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365949897592928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691890622536976,0.1955060001225888,0.0,0.0,0.06277286562905132,0.0,0.08251218494016575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933872819789255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049252023970724,0.0,0.0,0.07433374601000667,0.0,0.0,0.1602371296012101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830155867036672,0.08442361954535224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969022212285423,0.0,0.0,0.06623170371569685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163224389783302,0.04995677805193452,0.0,0.0,0.08152351099542565,0.0,0.07539417636305765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597371681780936,0.0,0.11003311687834694,0.0,0.0,0.07228165732835734,0.0,0.0,0.07332803934237789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050714025316417055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104523303552724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761399428140435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523561929995529,0.0,0.0,0.14972199478767392,0.0,0.3835591782861574,0.0,0.0,0.16070190229255688,0.0,0.06391358681650786,0.07119068630668843,0.05951636385469512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813220290320353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18572711151509272,0.08412413243854644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976791517394533,0.12514042697285901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492838987112536,0.0,0.0,0.05627092576242131,0.12030831090442838,0.06541410936723828,0.13780660459177332,0.08558691368612575,0.0,0.04972086508350148,0.0,0.0,0.059415191281582125,0.13092071978352113,0.0,0.28376109926733023,0.0,0.0,0.10162390557887112,0.0,0.0,0.07791185434757113,0.0,0.06463837384281737,0.0,0.0,0.0441430101189932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672908172506136,0.13875623975956758,0.06753213111088895,0.0,0.0,0.07214380692800157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063294351080517,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SUandABdisorders,2020/02/24,"Survey (5-10 min): What are your desired goals if seeking treatment? [UK+USA only] [Mod Approved] Hello, We are looking to hear from people living in the UK or USA on what are the most important treatment outcomes to you. The survey takes 5-10 minutes and can be accessed here: [https://ichom.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_9LyzeQtTrJZNhjf?Q\_CHL=social&Q\_SocialSource=reddit](https://ichom.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_9LyzeQtTrJZNhjf?Q_CHL=social&Q_SocialSource=reddit). Thank you! &#x200B; **What is an outcome?** Outcomes are changes in your health and well-being that may relate to the support or care you receive. This can include everything from improvements in symptoms, the ability to go to school or work, cope with difficulties, or feeling more supported by others. **Who is this survey for?** This survey is intended for: * Adults with experience of personality disorders, psychosis, or disorders related to substance use and addictive behaviours; * It is also intended for parents or carers, including of young people aged 12-17 years, with experience of caring for people with these disorders. Involving those with lived experience in the development process is vital to making sure that we are getting this right. It’s important that our final recommendations reflect the views of people accessing or using services. Sharing your views on this will help us do this.",7.570120160213619,11.76043760747664,6.579499332443259,61.503668224299076,74.7943925233645,8.664619492656875,33.81108144192257,9.04235418022936,4.400829639519358,1144,56,138,30,28,348,133,214,0.01,0.8170000000000001,0.17300000000000001,0.9843,1,0,0,0,0,0,84.0,4,6,0,3,2,8,0,0,8,0,16,3,0,5,1,29,30,12,0,2,8,1,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,18,10,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,10,8,29,27,2,14,0,0,3,0,20,7,0,10,5,96,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044116004545108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835202837152112,0.0,0.3591200290469671,0.1342471346567053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252865373907129,0.0,0.11687479452529577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798641667684541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929366262655846,0.3242163669542712,0.0,0.0,0.0558627740511766,0.0,0.0,0.12102710040497655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05772203211582243,0.0,0.06278919154925391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743668508256233,0.12452069800253412,0.0,0.07405343127594181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951144053587509,0.0,0.09277664789846828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374726978478052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402617135080513,0.0,0.0,0.12267664883181555,0.0,0.0,0.3063758888964068,0.09646819823735417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435061094152114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181319244547792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22524398444585916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507462300191461,0.10412752126683676,0.11483259766580875,0.08306835038333589,0.0,0.0,0.10171653620644712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328956604307773,0.19084111426401965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993361511156782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804318594238803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342471346567053,0.07114647397866287 bpd,syylvanas,2020/02/24,"I don't think I can keep my relationship I love my gf. But i have a problem. Every person I've dated, their ex always started messaging them at a time when our relationship was going well. This always devolved into them showing how much feelings they still had for their ex and I developed a severe insecurity in this area. Cue my perfect gf, everything is going well but now her ex is texting her. My insecurities are on high alert. Every fibre of my irrational being is convinced she loves her ex more than me and will leave me for her just like before. It's stupid. This is a different relationship. I know this. And yet. I can't stop. I spend all day in bed drinking trying to not think about this. She asks me what's wrong. I avoid the subject. I get a bit too drunk. I tell her I'm worried that I'm too damaged by the ex thing to be in a healthy relationship. She says something along the lines of ""oh great I'm once again being dumped for someone's else's baggage"". I feel unseen. It's my issue, you're making it your own. Why?! I lash out She stops responding. Maybe i really cant do this at all.",1.0658619505494509,3.4706327633928598,3.099464285714287,88.18592032967035,85.20535714285714,5.7675824175824175,21.115384615384613,7.1686216300943375,0.7112512362637364,865,28,178,13,26,291,139,224,0.16899999999999998,0.6890000000000001,0.142,-0.6662,1,1,2,0,0,0,29.0,1,1,5,1,12,16,2,3,9,0,17,4,0,2,3,25,34,7,0,1,4,5,2,1,2,1,0,1,1,1,12,6,2,4,5,3,1,2,4,8,2,0,2,3,39,8,19,28,6,23,0,1,0,2,35,10,0,0,12,118,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20668683417810535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610918669398144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568409875459456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355930091603265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009800254525418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297613946687091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166761887950345,0.0,0.0,0.10375222695029868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20928582522501565,0.0,0.11162194448329477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559737044397104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488878840664239,0.0,0.14117017074133287,0.0,0.0,0.13692970308315222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13122293515834196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963136229131428,0.0,0.11039367067231662,0.0,0.0,0.06825645607885683,0.0,0.0,0.1315086804628673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060677298984383086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22418867555067698,0.0,0.08290371647051657,0.0,0.12477446789793313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913004669212894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226775322930065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084456709845777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884155423373907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956498248656707,0.0,0.0,0.5333724656976305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876793393753856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403093820026537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523330753964814,0.09561436522908903,0.0,0.0,0.08790860614143023,0.0,0.09918538558398428,0.20767164899970048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855529494946843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251221680601943,0.15916325407488446,0.0,0.0,0.07242136540354596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432288653582448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233394166699343,0.0,0.1120701708274016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612999086523166,0.0,0.0,0.13579197764056794,0.0,0.0 bpd,Greatwhitesharkbait,2020/02/24,"Does it ever really get better or do we spend our lives never feeling secure or stable Sorry, this is a long post, thanks for reading. I had a meeting with my community Mental health worker today. The discussion was therapy. She raised a food point, would more therapy actually help. And I honestly don’t know. I’ve done over 7 years of therapy including individual, group, mindfulness based cognitive therapy, CBT, DBT, transference based, etc. None of it has taken away how I feel inside. I know bpd doesn’t just go away but I guess I have always held onto this hope that the turmoil inside could come to an end. I haven’t accepted yet that this is probably something I’ll feel inside for the rest of my life. The thing that id really like to solve is this feeling of insecurity about who I am. It causes so much disruption in my life. I describe my personality traits and values etc as light switches. Different traits and values will flick on or off at random for random reasons or for no reasons at all. One day I could like doing something like painting. Next day I’m selling all my painting supplies. I see these other people go about their lives with maybe a little uncertainty, but for the most part sure about who they are, what they want, and where their going in life. For the last 9 years I have made no progress in post secondary because I start something, get into it, have a nervous breakdown because it doesn’t feel right, and quit. I just started in the social service worker program and I’m so happening my pattern doesn’t happen again. So far taking it really part tome is helping. But the uncertainty is right under the surface bubbling. To complicate things, I came out as trans and transitioned to male about six years ago. For the last two years I’ve been having difficulty with gender confusion, again. This time I’m considering even detransitioning or the possibility I’m non binary. I’m hoping for the non binary but I know deep down that something is wrong and wants to be female again. This has created so much agony in my life and led to feeling suicidal and attempting suicide once already. I think a lot of my gender issues come back to having bpd, whether I am transgender or not. Transitioning didnt take away the problems inside. So back to my mental health workers question. Do I think more therapy would help. Sigh... god I wish it would. What I ultimately wanted was to get into a comprehensive dbt program. But there’s only one in town and I’ve been banned from the premises. That’s a bpd story for another time. I was really hoping that that would help. My only option now is to work through a bpd workbook with my mental health worker. They are also able to do some coaching over the phone or by text during business hours. So some similarities to a comprehensive dbt program. When I look at things in my life right now, I am a skilled person. I have and do use my skills. But unfortunately, I’m also self medicating with an opiate and have been using it for months now. It unfortunately helps me a lot and is a main coping crutch for me. But I was told by my doc I don’t have and addiction at this point which is good but bad because I can’t get any addiction support. I’d really like to be put on suboxone but that’s for another post. So what could therapy really do to help me? I don’t know. The biggest thing therapy can do is help people gain skills. There’s always room for improvement in that area but I have those. There are some psychotherapeutic techniques that may be able to benefit me but because of that previous aforementioned ban, I don’t have access to that. So, I guess my answer is no, I don’t think therapy will make a huge difference in my life. But now what? Many times I find this life intolerable. The best situation I can hope for in my mind is that Canada loosens laws and allows people with mental health conditions access to medical assistance in dying. If that day came, I don’t know if I would go for it at that time, but on days like today when I’m feeling hopeless, yes I definitely would. I should also add that along with bpd I have anxiety, off and on depression, ptsd symptoms, mild fibromyalgia, blindness, and thyroid cancer. I know mental illness doesn’t just go away. It’s for a lifetime. And recovery is possible. I’d consider myself to be in a place of recovery for the most part. But this is not what I want to deal with for the rest of my life. How do I let go of the hope I have that one day something will work and I miraculously get better?",3.9605499874324512,5.963178689220188,5.144776925977125,79.45281827321857,72.88761467889908,8.356063843156969,26.73878346110343,9.03424827624028,2.266814044237778,3595,129,668,78,73,1188,352,872,0.111,0.7340000000000001,0.155,0.9915,1,0,5,0,0,2,94.0,2,0,5,16,38,31,0,4,38,1,85,22,0,11,5,144,152,61,3,23,29,0,7,5,0,11,21,0,1,4,52,38,1,4,22,2,2,12,20,9,1,5,16,11,76,21,100,117,23,105,0,2,3,0,29,51,0,29,44,463,128,12,0.08172679558205974,0.0,0.03987678162804766,0.08909427051255281,0.0,0.0,0.03622293658541089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045093775595157884,0.0980353333498428,0.06800324092136505,0.0,0.0,0.027788511763518497,0.08569767105836737,0.03126038746209958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357002946188594,0.0628428611085767,0.03411923029024392,0.09963979205226432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04288361491038727,0.07228070923473498,0.0,0.0,0.2573300951337391,0.0,0.0,0.09347368187910872,0.0,0.04197796587236096,0.0,0.07040039780891019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978782941535895,0.0,0.0,0.1317675551533033,0.042128368816776035,0.035195584639690684,0.0,0.04240975540859907,0.08538710672151094,0.0,0.0,0.035759834780508516,0.041817443408904455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036192841543803415,0.0,0.09114698057675304,0.02698988884909204,0.03696328277566095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446323321160831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03734840527813154,0.0,0.04941218281162979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067471938563327,0.0,0.13934166397208347,0.034274279316339265,0.0,0.0,0.09003127929404389,0.0,0.07227073542632814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374352397294854,0.0,0.0,0.1917291192310913,0.0,0.0,0.20293287138047225,0.04024221551951062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04265077064978735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474472853464714,0.06661824632947957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041785592821232814,0.23090421067238465,0.09981896035373598,0.04095585978639786,0.07216625780326412,0.03616282114892395,0.034314962434746944,0.0,0.0,0.06948119902600011,0.0,0.0386659350254963,0.02727663533499653,0.04142907159620826,0.04105277549505913,0.0,0.0,0.08233114845395449,0.2059034689981244,0.0,0.0825207658473354,0.0,0.03261677425724457,0.0,0.060078598358436326,0.0,0.031516371525008274,0.0,0.043458687135900766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04351818501041517,0.08307028768874676,0.062156910790610524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275323309592138,0.0,0.08498860454004914,0.07136068555279591,0.04269355336075547,0.0,0.07725823825988845,0.0921346823420896,0.11740751819205278,0.0,0.04405765422403093,0.0391007529635989,0.04776712527171851,0.041079001326188185,0.0457763575538708,0.0434632535258174,0.040874456006810965,0.0,0.15706883395221227,0.08402875743694037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469135531918182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032562837437503815,0.0,0.042629435871954786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0459321712263693,0.0,0.0416550879989273,0.0,0.15729320012261105,0.0,0.045743228291405535,0.05784664655849023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939584957109076,0.046371299560088286,0.038513268819597095,0.042472716620447035,0.061448379252504313,0.0,0.0,0.0376215265153424,0.37384685323578415,0.0,0.1085913029870199,0.07855084593842042,0.0,0.0,0.09531110346675864,0.0,0.07746744614841103,0.03904672775176997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039917601957906966,0.0,0.0,0.07058571111710968,0.0,0.0,0.09640916300511602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04699089078950898,0.0,0.0,0.059498080545177065,0.0,0.0,0.17416911217553147,0.04467771064083752,0.0,0.10525875367319988 bpd,e_boye,2020/02/24,"I lost my FP (venting + success) I lost my FP. I didn't lose him in the way you'd think. We just sort of drifted away from each other. I tried everything to stop it from happening cause i knew it was a long time due. And now, I've finally accepted it, but it feels different. I lost a different FP a couple years ago because of how clingy i was, and I threatened suicide, but now, I'm okay. I just don't know what to do with myself. My first instinct is to immediately find a new one. Like, i have a best friend I've known for what seems like forever and she knows more about me than anyone, (besides my last fp) but I'm scared to trust anyone anymore. I asked someone out and 3 different guys told this guy not to date me, including my fp. I just want to fix everything. But, i know i can't. And that's what hurts the most.. I've made a lot of progress. I've been clean from self harm since October, and my aunt died in January, but even though it made me not get out of bed for about a week, besides to take care of my needs, i didn't self harm. I've been feeling happy lately and it's really weird. But to contridict that, when I'm sad, i get mad at myself cause I'm supposed to be happy. It's all up and down. But I'm still proud of myself because I'm able to actually be happy without faking it.",1.6067516421645325,2.965322305755397,3.5555677197372546,91.09911323115423,77.74100719424459,7.1369408820769475,23.23803565842978,7.893859768569023,0.9416945261182352,1003,31,235,16,23,340,148,278,0.162,0.637,0.201,0.904,3,0,0,0,0,1,40.0,1,1,0,9,12,25,1,1,9,1,14,0,0,5,1,49,42,18,2,2,13,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,15,13,0,1,11,0,0,1,7,12,0,2,13,2,33,13,34,26,6,27,0,6,0,0,12,8,0,4,19,139,48,1,0.10294529686840516,0.0,0.10045975970596037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125479431005873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102094072267005,0.14396349033552736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623995597838322,0.0,0.0967204951598149,0.0,0.0,0.1255089949345594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080347378432948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495959110171914,0.21150635494195735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390701293405014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684096518310236,0.32266777331386226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799439768136357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850411897485225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410447051348624,0.0,0.0,0.11277154079298045,0.0940901363264208,0.08756521692663616,0.0,0.0,0.07953528099367971,0.0,0.10756933740660836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20386405787247752,0.0910341860386668,0.3287615483293027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020506946290062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697281287203298,0.08391415687349256,0.11612677884907364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058774416420783,0.0,0.0,0.09110334822896757,0.0,0.1151694548086197,0.33713085691567035,0.08752041003886449,0.0,0.194818658020061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633263321280223,0.0,0.09942520920825386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975839740325497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594939323888112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030662011175147,0.0,0.0,0.09371753191404247,0.21478879233749715,0.0,0.0,0.08515741337688945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872252159664845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221224705896947,0.0860668777672414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260544607623647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740205154476923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659631894843731,0.101143231491387,0.0,0.06002823046811465,0.0,0.0,0.0983686427815392,0.0,0.0698930990668855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06071980331365636,0.08171318494499268,0.08257650758325158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099235592569657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629339598911509 bpd,elliebell49,2020/02/24,How do I branch out? I recently (mid November) moved to the same city as my boyfriend and I’m having a hard time branching out. I have friends from my hometown (four hour drive away) and in the past have had no issues making friends and meeting people. I was wondering if there are any strategies I could use to help myself get out there more.,5.925597014925373,6.127713164179107,5.38429104477612,86.29345149253733,66.61194029850746,8.491044776119404,31.67537313432836,8.07648339933343,2.0435104477611943,270,10,55,3,4,82,52,67,0.053,0.815,0.132,0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,3,0,13,13,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,1,8,2,9,10,2,12,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,4,39,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18072838273784994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496936800524113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121906342454904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4106566446439292,0.0,0.13885052838839784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238072012388018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781357600336438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26172364286802985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773881835650717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739928761121376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824646810600225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537014579005174,0.18424703921273686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624095239898186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549689106517857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295344479610425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28820932147616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,como_fuego,2020/02/24,"Is seasonal depression kicking anyone else's ass? I've become so needy. I feel empty, and those empty spaces crave more attention and reassurance than anyone can offer. I don't find joy in much and I just wanna hide.",2.658780487804876,5.544505121951222,4.588487804878049,76.77053658536586,83.14634146341464,7.182439024390242,20.39512195121951,8.238735603445708,1.7323814634146342,174,5,28,4,5,59,34,41,0.392,0.551,0.055999999999999994,-0.9377,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,8,4,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,3,4,2,3,0,1,0,1,2,2,1,0,1,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5177180182238164,0.3793232632614503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40886717878893003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188607999934027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092624361279208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18718898811381893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383646700965133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721464941009956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,showcasesunday,2020/02/24,"DAE manipulate? sometimes i feel like i don’t have much of a personality. when i talk to people i pick and choose how i respond based off of how they engage with me. usually i can get anyone to like me because i can ‘copy’ their mannerisms or speak with them how they speak with me and make them feel like we have a common ground. each person i treat differently and it’s solely based on how i think they would like me to speak to them or how they could best respond to me. it’s come to the point now to where i form close relationships with people i think can benefit me in one form or another in life. i believe i manipulate people to keep them close to me or help me in some way. over time, as that need or desire fades, that front slowly fades and i show my true colors, so to say. am i alone here?",3.8772617743702114,4.412007120481932,4.938828039430452,86.5321851040526,71.16867469879517,8.205038335158818,23.52464403066813,8.296473431620573,1.0136216867469885,626,14,141,9,11,206,91,166,0.012,0.8029999999999999,0.185,0.9796,1,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,9,1,10,9,0,0,3,0,9,1,0,9,1,39,18,17,0,4,5,0,2,4,0,1,1,4,0,2,4,13,0,1,5,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,7,34,9,23,16,6,21,0,0,1,0,21,11,0,6,11,99,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756384814378626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782421908051044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857748177303833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337718628882367,0.0,0.0,0.1910637495857452,0.17796855477193008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608210011682005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353994883629154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17717979245848314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149411876628215,0.2423025164888397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860094400282928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366896966710513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150734567152181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978260446906686,0.33140184007553025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131990243768947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466417937150542,0.1257448176948706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149149006782523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35270578643340983,0.2961494291445345,0.0,0.0,0.16031224322004825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18207037427550893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348604650966052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16772348645107216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630566211311182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21732590340912208,0.0,0.0,0.0988861326939366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867734567697164,0.0,0.0,0.13460834654466056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046802041821925,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jd-rey,2020/02/24,"I was just let go of... Just ended on and off things with this guy and I can’t help but wonder why do people let go of me so easily... like does no one wants to fight to have me in their lives? Friends, family members, guys.. I don’t feel abandoned atm, maybe it’ll hit me later but seriously wtf? Do people just let go so easy or they just do it to me? I wonder how good do people who are fought for feel... cause I feel lame lol",-0.7936950146627559,1.1842674408602178,1.5373802541544492,99.09879765395893,89.64516129032259,4.672140762463343,12.75562072336266,6.1124844417494595,-1.1274215053763441,324,4,81,3,11,109,62,93,0.207,0.605,0.188,-0.3205,0,0,0,0,2,0,17.0,0,0,2,0,7,8,2,0,0,1,13,0,0,2,0,19,24,8,0,1,7,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,5,0,1,3,3,5,0,1,2,3,11,3,10,17,0,8,0,2,0,0,9,3,0,3,3,52,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910141773171086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405268653613376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579698395595694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551811298803548,0.0,0.2496976541561219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717848387498445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806576311775172,0.13806836762287475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32598265163461343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103356596342939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.50497942241762,0.0,0.08042089396921435,0.0,0.14535502439577536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537443856008582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115450540748026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34236279009947473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936060684951696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709216375600316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853633032580904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3570284326046435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fushams,2020/02/24,"Constantly seeking validation? How do I stop? Is it something I can stop? Or is it something I seek within myself? If so, how do I do it? The title pretty much expresses what I’m asking. I see the problem and why it’s a problem for me. I’ve been single since July of last year and working on myself and I was wondering if anyone had some tips for this. Diagnosed with BPD but also bipolar. On meds though",0.448004434589798,2.8891086341463463,3.1465410199556567,85.7808314855876,90.70731707317071,5.420842572062083,22.088691796008874,6.980632752743323,1.0566439024390242,316,12,60,5,11,110,58,82,0.102,0.871,0.027000000000000003,-0.5803,0,1,2,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,3,0,9,2,0,2,0,16,13,12,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,9,0,7,10,3,8,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,5,5,49,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564076723863122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448292211057607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19363739835866192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608713793389322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22383256882933128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21023129672493115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16883755668065195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23007332060438726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226344604553113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21072437832318372,0.0,0.3963884346097809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505477746581065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17133902244258906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.318915625125732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34633777886276124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20350292150984708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18690145827844068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246222676779005,0.15079217931906197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338410847336768 bpd,oreocannoli,2020/02/24,"Does white noise help anyone else? I'm actually addicted to white noise. I listen to it on YouTube through my headphones as much as I possibly can. I don't know why I'm so addicted to it, but it calms me. It almost feels like it's regulating and quieting my never-stopping thoughts.",3.0941071428571405,5.1818759107142895,4.792285714285715,80.65271428571431,75.60714285714286,8.765714285714285,30.84285714285714,9.3871,3.049247142857142,225,11,44,6,5,76,40,56,0.0,0.855,0.145,0.7672,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,8,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,6,2,7,7,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,24,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.2438364576620064,0.5447889832834798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502080770432322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471447084294967,0.2560206942246865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21866236650665014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208733793214561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263414594614106,0.178506725388599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748216937734942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373216692066565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207355110644065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836827347510388,0.0,0.1927146594401327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816901672213667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20890197884425066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19836836636052288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22546823861634746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,4rchery,2020/02/24,"DAE feel younger now that they are older? I remember being 14/15 years old fighting with my Mom about living on my own as I had calls from jobs and such and putting in the effort to be mature and make it. Mind you at one point I did become homeless at 15 but made it through okay. It is now 4/5 years later, I have no job, I dropped out of school, and have been smoking a lot to cope with a lot of things recently. I live in a bedroom inside student housing as it's all I could afford. I feel as though my 14 year old self was actually more mature and aware than I am today. I feel like im 5 years younger than I should be. DAE? or is it just a me thing?",3.239078014184397,3.3279859574468134,4.328510638297875,91.93333333333337,72.40425531914894,7.117730496453903,25.59574468085107,6.42735559955562,0.6377999999999995,504,14,121,3,9,165,96,141,0.034,0.878,0.08800000000000001,0.8014,3,0,0,0,3,0,14.0,0,1,1,1,6,3,1,0,5,1,15,0,0,2,1,23,20,11,0,2,3,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,8,8,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,5,3,17,2,20,10,5,21,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,3,13,84,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.14631271896849118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558892354873775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309808347699366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197090868498172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22743148374313066,0.1071119741329694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730022430753545,0.0,0.0,0.16195307980248538,0.0,0.2975702042260944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324955975730373,0.0,0.2647866995753243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549348952357437,0.0,0.1418699768152869,0.10008126326243738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138931891626906,0.17559940433722565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146583629430348,0.0,0.1015982999046454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173489485632326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072380796943252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804048543053913,0.0,0.16984455840515242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173992992563445,0.0,0.0,0.1564125392238684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992172907101781,0.0,0.14730814853707386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211869933789986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3862070562466939 bpd,queenalba-,2020/02/24,"How to be a functional member of society? I graduated uni 5 months ago and my depression hit a new low, like I can’t get out of bed for days and have to each hot Cheetos for breakfast lunch and dinner because I’m too depressed to cook an actual meal kind of depressed. I also broke up with my bf and cut all my friends off and moved back with my abusive parents which probably makes everything a whole lot worse. I just have no desire to do anything anymore, I wanna get out of this hell hole so bad but I don’t know what to do or how to even begin to dig myself out of it? Do I start antidepressants? Do I start therapy? Do I admit myself to a psych ward? I miss having a life and being functional and I don’t know how to get it back, if any of you experienced such a plunge in your mental health how did you recover? Thank you!",3.4476396917148326,4.204837265895954,5.106488439306361,84.12925096339116,72.29479768786128,8.541233140655107,26.555394990366093,8.841846274778883,1.8058134874759155,649,21,140,12,12,221,108,173,0.155,0.78,0.065,-0.9118,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,4,0,0,12,13,2,0,7,0,14,7,0,5,1,29,28,16,0,3,4,1,1,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,5,13,5,0,3,1,0,1,4,9,0,0,1,2,21,4,26,24,4,17,1,6,0,0,8,7,1,3,10,100,26,2,0.0,0.19067746427226268,0.15704589021843068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426560291510699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869683033762966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094389113056604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960076464572034,0.0,0.0,0.13243287924714253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247492717911017,0.13437104690339927,0.09810232424211614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378747810681742,0.0,0.4158300917853407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629371148199344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463481923603544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433524670957755,0.0,0.2522401367872064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106261637741685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16758535068367322,0.1768874432775237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367064943476765,0.07862298234421584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681817224195555,0.0,0.0,0.10742299913529303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16218106009402464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845395591503134,0.17104467327829093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542860679705098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17869534126265949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351133281232894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22781623125120276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481640664507034,0.1840391497093568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17967422778254322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400290639549175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,vredigheid,2020/02/24,"Does anyone else get into 'blank' moods when upset that NOTHING can change and you just have to wait out? I wonder if anyone else with BPD experiences this. Something (could be a tiny inconvenience, for example something that someone close to you says or does, that wouldn't usually cause an extreme reaction in normal people) makes you upset, and even though you may really want to feel normal again and just get over it because you realise it's stupid, you just can't. You then get 'stuck' feeling empty for sometimes hours on end, just waiting for it to blow over because absolutely nothing can fix it but time, even though you are aware that a great deal of your time is being wasted. Almost like short-lived grudges over miniscule things, which temporarily paralyse your mind and emotions. Nobody can talk you out of it even if you want to be talked out of it, you just have to... wait.",12.570081300813007,8.500481536585369,10.395609756097562,69.214837398374,56.80487804878049,12.884552845528455,41.357723577235774,9.725611199111238,3.9257430894308936,708,23,127,8,6,213,102,164,0.077,0.848,0.075,0.1646,0,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,0,13,0,0,12,6,1,2,3,0,14,0,0,2,0,36,27,12,0,8,9,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,13,10,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,14,2,22,20,0,18,0,0,0,0,17,10,0,6,9,87,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992427307765714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144618581993735,0.2658851223594363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581868317022159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341355842848104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332873400452189,0.13725659535342838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359353377248104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376489554319151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22708738545565035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167762661431428,0.14594947802467698,0.11491856448499067,0.0,0.0,0.2570927688885605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691882473247762,0.0,0.0,0.13120937160839796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033645399064453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430480608993303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777603089275946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633885107824561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660805957677142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100888942224329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542517531218799,0.2489941640764361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995119858627751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312014270038234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318112951883282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993539200496308,0.19977330312088304,0.12832447794438098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20857368638864773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619906673892785,0.0,0.2549542739321349,0.0,0.15131466227408705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428995237398254,0.0,0.15305792724700107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070659708449856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,talbunt,2020/02/24,Is there anything y’all have read that have helped you? I just got “I hate you don’t leave”. I’m looking for other books that people find helpful,1.625,3.779896833333332,2.0766666666666684,97.985,80.66666666666666,4.0,20.0,3.1291,-0.6309999999999993,115,3,25,0,3,35,25,30,0.165,0.741,0.094,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,15,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286822481915371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185634211492863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787629315445846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34411560194299434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4672441544604664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36905837212953857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29268965430828986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416369179117669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34863888956377714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,plainvanilladough,2020/02/24,"Horrible mood swings, crying spells, and ruining things with my FP Just when things seem to be going alright with my FP, I somehow manage to ruin it with him. Our relationship has been amazing and he’s been most supportive throughout everything. But now I feel like he might be getting tired of me and he’s going to leave me. Which makes me want to push him away, but then makes me want to pull him closer. I don’t want to lose him but I don’t feel in control of my emotions anymore.",3.181159793814434,4.914709835051546,3.9799871134020637,88.12400128865983,74.36082474226805,6.911855670103092,25.527061855670105,7.645422480735847,1.2584855670103092,382,13,78,5,8,122,60,97,0.146,0.741,0.113,-0.6546,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,2,5,8,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,3,0,22,20,8,0,3,4,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,3,0,0,4,2,3,0,0,2,2,16,4,13,15,1,10,0,3,0,0,9,3,0,4,4,53,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20032889039987112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897848625688896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226559237074398,0.0,0.0,0.22188659484967907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22722186946173464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815438222683845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042736919053508,0.14430824204702686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553622519512104,0.0,0.22960155823568884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21388794670454425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868658742273616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259853934460529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26967201902784393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21428918974314046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168715044422833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389245097653112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292262557997711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26839853564895083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321683220095889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35743301897031976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bdpfriendhelp,2020/02/24,"Bestfriend with bdp need advice Hi, One of my bestfriend has bdp and I don't know how to relate to her lately. Long story short, we met at a psych ward (I thought I had bdp but its just depression LOL) and we became great friends. Lately, I feel like she's been avoiding me over text. Whenever we do meet up though, its like the frost over text never happened. I understand the push-pull nature of our friendship. Sometimes, I would be the one who's giving the cold shoulder because of my emotional void and she would be the one reaching out. However, this has been going on for weeks and I feel a little tired keeping up the one-sided rapport. What should I do?",2.0528571428571425,4.532277538461539,2.8268131868131867,91.3346153846154,81.30769230769229,5.252747252747254,23.131868131868128,6.5431188927421005,0.6519560439560439,520,18,102,5,14,163,87,130,0.08,0.73,0.19,0.9412,1,2,0,0,0,0,18.0,4,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,8,1,13,2,1,1,1,24,24,7,0,4,2,0,2,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,5,9,0,2,5,0,0,1,2,2,0,3,5,3,18,4,14,14,0,15,0,1,0,0,13,9,0,0,7,70,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817946990810992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491389490213858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823418603567504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19359548495576134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404339002139935,0.12295217959604175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296825642709886,0.0,0.0,0.1650992458064566,0.0978115027363646,0.0,0.0,0.1897468843095469,0.0,0.0,0.152192295564827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529752463192449,0.0,0.0,0.09458466339556428,0.0,0.3882849250079009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816407501612585,0.1724948910773735,0.0,0.1523079219351632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276140226071764,0.13273834566563936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4664924726724265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021670701101724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16909274692674914,0.13663251596732368,0.0,0.19780991590856092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916786016454686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805262391738582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445175707900292,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GenTryxx,2020/02/24,"Crazy Ex Girlfriend Hey guys. New to the subreddit but I’m freaking out. So around 5 years ago I was “unofficially” diagnosed with BPD. To put some background on it, my family is LDS and our Bishop (who is a licensed therapist) had a discussion with me and told me he believes it’s what I have. It’s always stuck with me, but I’ve never gone to therapy or anything of the sort to deal with it. I started watching the show Crazy Ex Girlfriend on my own time, and it scared me how much I act like Rebecca. Insanely. I understood her. And I understood why she did what she did. I just hit the episode where she was diagnosed with BPD and my heart is racing. Am I really crazy? Am I really like this? I don’t know what to do. How to feel. I know it’s just television but. I don’t know. I guess I just needed to let it out somewhere. Thanks for taking the time to read this I guess. I don’t know where I’m going with it. But I’m quite literally freaking out.",0.4535902503293805,2.7077942272727316,2.7259771629336846,90.85171936758896,86.52525252525253,6.675801493192798,21.234958278436533,7.893859768569023,1.0571516908212562,739,25,164,16,23,251,102,198,0.11699999999999999,0.8290000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.9022,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,0,1,9,6,0,1,7,0,16,3,1,2,1,38,37,13,0,1,8,2,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,1,14,15,0,0,7,2,0,4,4,3,0,0,10,2,28,3,22,25,3,19,1,0,1,0,16,8,0,5,9,109,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826640915757176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040066800621868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907446167200345,0.12881226203644994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302555650215828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644851619708253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917770620425214,0.0,0.29373167893043584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640878236958762,0.0,0.07316386339464534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223544052719801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31880322236382425,0.14327417456417288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714683116032847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180898460344038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796392702900302,0.0,0.14138466747693149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636997997782847,0.10729203695842336,0.11160033355266136,0.13975062528278964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454618672195519,0.0,0.15390456946848144,0.14473756664925874,0.0,0.18539501230215372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486835045551716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024182787937344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879519578274352,0.0,0.0,0.13321885435133074,0.1654752415170174,0.16800600571560925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687496120821239,0.0,0.0,0.13826553090921986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056780790945569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318103140414924 bpd,scream4thesunlight,2020/02/24,"[Mod approved] Help us stand up to BPD stigma! A few quick questions for an anti-stigma campaign assignment Hi folks! We are 4 mental health worker students creating an anti-stigma campaign for a school project, and we want to offer a platform for your voices to be heard. It’s no secret that BPD is unfairly stigmatized, and this stigma is a huge problem amongst mental health professionals - the very people that you shouldn’t have to fear judgement from. This stigma can cause great difficulty finding services and support. We want to change that by educating our peers so that this graduating class can begin to make changes in the field. But we need your help! We’ve created a few questions about your individual experiences with stigma. You can answer in any way that feels comfortable, whether it’s a text post, an image, a photo of a handwritten message, a video, or anything else. The questions shouldn’t take more than 5 minutes to answer. If there is anything you’d like to omit, simply leave it blank. We will leave out any identifying information at your request. Your answers will not only help us determine our areas to research, but also may be included in a poster, brochure, and video, which we will share here after it has been graded! We appreciate your time and thank you for sharing. Survey: 1-Name you would like us to share (this can be real, an alias, or left blank: 2-Age (real, or left blank): 3-How have you experienced the effects of stigma or discrimination against BPD when seeking out services or interacting with service providers? 4-What changes would you like to see in the mental health field that would support your BPD journey? 5-If there is one message you’d like to communicate to mental health professionals, what would you say? (This can be about anything, whether it’s about misconceptions, stereotypes, barriers to accessing services, your needs, or anything else) 6- Anything you want to say that we might have missed!",7.273326086956523,9.000791524637684,6.4336413043478275,74.54002717391306,64.18840579710145,8.764492753623188,34.085144927536234,9.075114841892004,3.1451666666666664,1576,68,253,26,24,480,180,345,0.034,0.8170000000000001,0.149,0.9893,0,0,0,0,0,0,58.0,13,18,0,3,10,15,0,1,19,0,32,4,0,3,0,59,47,19,0,13,12,0,1,4,0,11,4,4,0,0,19,17,0,1,11,2,0,1,4,3,0,1,2,7,31,12,39,28,3,22,0,1,1,0,51,13,0,12,9,167,50,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060473718681996476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284912095814658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31114630651073777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809656926691095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768312542831812,0.2399895138372541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634251585309728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397139876572584,0.0,0.08509413149365952,0.03823601727128774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911580376692443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083371912541359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321524392253489,0.0,0.0,0.15206056226304032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014246666877816,0.1643238763936292,0.0,0.0,0.1477775048150034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05047729779079585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048308735481372,0.08022144294396383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121433447571103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051242435118723874,0.0575128284189084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05242576106503973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242357406957263,0.0,0.0,0.07235864420035792,0.0,0.0,0.2541369348139556,0.0,0.0,0.17214546039574385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027297751651014,0.0,0.07653202387669587,0.06025977992004286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162658576423534,0.0,0.0,0.05685723514275987,0.0,0.0,0.06962123348193018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04409494511854484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728865968697825,0.0,0.0,0.0623948652938064,0.13380886162286734,0.06002406496931214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21487464841293505,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,vacant79,2020/02/24,"Does Anyone else have a really bad fear of death, losing loved ones? I can see how this could be a BPD thing. I have been much more uncomfortable with death since I was in my teens than the average person. I’ve always feared losing loved ones. I didn’t drive for years because I thought I would die in a car accident. Every time my family goes for long car trips I worry we will die. It has become automatic thoughts now. I know my fear of it is much more than how others look at death. I can see how it could be because of my BPD because of the fear of abandonment-death is the ultimate abandonment. I also see it as anxiety and possibly OCD with the intrusive and automatic thoughts. I am going to be working on this with my psychiatrist because I need to overcome it. I just wondered how many other people with BPD feel like me. Are they things that have helped you overcome it? Thank you ❤️",3.6083788121990352,5.193313337078654,4.682054574638848,84.14011235955056,72.93258426966294,8.231781701444623,25.63563402889245,8.841846274778883,1.8216150882825035,706,23,143,14,14,231,104,178,0.27399999999999997,0.664,0.062,-0.9921,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,2,1,3,7,12,0,4,7,0,20,2,0,4,0,23,35,8,5,4,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,13,7,0,1,6,0,0,5,1,8,0,2,6,5,23,4,20,22,4,13,0,3,4,2,8,4,0,1,5,98,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213870647699466,0.08546456753900525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785743579086011,0.0,0.0,0.07181858113805813,0.10524052708676704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857601850150436,0.2504489969020801,0.11343727519967105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880863029008935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401426300578847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21319756860542005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898839165126394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580265156004126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653924482430599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682768199539347,0.4623179815633416,0.05193424627995634,0.07337743507539286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058373566172187336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884565263868381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05644779962615109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05017986886060261,0.0,0.0,0.09089684046256012,0.08625216636348483,0.2298167907855337,0.0,0.0,0.18540308364847588,0.0,0.0,0.10413379243517827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101019767545173,0.07615960684335246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920054625767056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120753103672357,0.08968410986630693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579228688255655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579990299336941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455443695094404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496438350947666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456336051715387,0.0,0.0,0.13647450654615725,0.0,0.0,0.24462543736563336,0.05989216196968573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138672453992947,0.07477552031783939,0.1043089673888634,0.0,0.07296361981701609,0.0,0.0,0.06614312597819441 bpd,Cannabis_Kills,2020/02/24,PLEASE HELP all caps because it’s urgent. I need advice please. My mom is threatening to send me to DBT Res if I say no to DBT which I am because I do not want to do it. Can she just send me away because of my prior records? I DO NOT WANT TO GO. I will refuse anything they try to do to me.,-0.2299999999999969,1.1089466060606092,2.1090909090909093,99.53363636363638,82.93939393939394,5.006060606060606,20.090909090909093,5.46131890053228,-0.4371636363636364,220,6,58,1,6,75,41,66,0.151,0.701,0.14800000000000002,0.1973,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,1,9,12,1,0,4,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,13,0,9,11,1,5,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,1,1,39,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453909134999895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066498207375726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23593488704044055,0.0,0.0,0.45924005806911294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271690843357693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832000078087245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29410793692606124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18620180929392527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5513072529878515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997001790097032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049354850804416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962333869828526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,landlockedcorsair,2020/02/24,I feel hollow I just feel empty and hollow and alone. I lost my FP but I don’t feel extremely upset like I expected. I just feel lost and empty. I feel so much less than I expected and I feel like I’ll always be empty. I feel like I’ll never have a home. I’ll never find my people and never belong anywhere. I’ve been suicidal lately but I don’t even feel that anymore. I’m just empty and hopeless.,-0.7592248062015514,1.4022907906976771,2.4352325581395355,90.3678100775194,94.58139534883722,4.7271317829457375,15.306201550387595,6.42735559955562,-0.1925472868217053,312,7,65,4,12,111,41,86,0.302,0.579,0.11800000000000001,-0.9347,0,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,3,25,16,9,1,2,5,0,8,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,0,9,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,8,13,3,1,12,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544534688765128,0.0,0.0,0.13291879186406258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584219161889749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550860134783813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6461660049940112,0.2282405516380486,0.0,0.0,0.14600200932655705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023503559427293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801968166967629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341267639997477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487562348009923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742932546293874,0.0,0.3696104453510174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074553197387188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174732676879194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,whyamialivew,2020/02/24,"my head is a huge mess. i’m a horrible human being. :/ throwaway. i have a boyfriend (we are ldr). he knows i have bpd. i apologise for long post things were amazing in the beginning, i enjoyed talking to him, playing games together, spending time with him etc. now lately i’ve just been feeling kind of bored talking to him. before whenever he messaged me good morning or asked if he could call i would be excited. now i’m finding myself giving him excuses because talking to him just feels exhausting at times (eg i’m gonna take a nap when in reality i’m not, it’s just so i can have time to myself). when we talk, its usually just about him and his interest and he doesn’t seem to be interested when i talk about things i like. i love him to death and i can’t imagine my life without him. he’s my fp and i would do anything for him. so why am i feeling like this? any advise? i know i should talk to him about this but i’m scared. i feel horrible like i’m leading him on but i really do love him and want to be with him.",0.3254205607476628,2.558633822429908,2.63625046728972,91.40828224299068,86.94392523364485,6.040822429906544,23.51327102803739,7.404127859558343,1.1027740560747672,794,32,174,14,25,270,120,214,0.09300000000000001,0.73,0.177,0.9003,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,2,0,0,1,14,17,0,1,5,0,21,5,1,1,0,34,42,14,1,6,10,0,4,3,0,4,2,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,9,3,1,1,4,4,0,0,2,4,38,13,21,31,1,19,0,0,0,2,37,5,0,3,15,113,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559745661474334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103582149168698,0.0,0.11767357636563495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673056450339244,0.0,0.10710802667328237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853171153120468,0.0,0.12852965603430536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049876136627084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038084842179424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25457919710030424,0.08992317134090562,0.0,0.0,0.1150449699368834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074814629301815,0.0,0.10557568400023153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918125814626716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107659436000182,0.13835221011429766,0.0,0.14198939764749086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890730332821736,0.1844844920286409,0.0,0.0,0.11139299364802706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272092672757531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055083566203012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806369961693029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602009596348845,0.0,0.0,0.11458938271919993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464027836168204,0.6070281524045582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724787972223815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22019139006059707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863051691260514,0.0,0.07424272319639012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358014107811835,0.0,0.0,0.12133637179819022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883209135661127,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheFlanagator,2020/02/24,"DBT saved my life Early last year, my BPD symptoms were at their worst. I was having super bad mood swings and snapping at my wife all the time. If a task wasn’t going as planned, I would lose my shit and throw a violent tantrum. I also pushed my wife away because I thought she was the source of my unhappiness and it felt easy to blame her. Started going to the bar every night after work and crashing at friend’s houses all while my wife was worried about me at home. I made a friend at work that was willing to listen to me vent and who wanted to party a lot too and she quickly became my FP. I knew the friendship was super toxic but I almost found myself addicted to the toxicity. Our friendship fell apart and I immediately felt like a failure and that I didn’t deserve to live anymore. Suicidal thoughts came daily and my wife convinced me to go to a therapist. I went, reluctantly, and they mentioned BPD and signed me up for DBT. I went in wanting to get better and I’m almost done with the year-long program. I still have thoughts of suicide occasionally but I have the skills to recognize those without judgment and let them float away. I also mended things with my wife and we are stronger than ever knowing what we can overcome. This is obviously the concise edition of what happened but basically DBT is worth it if you put in the time and actually do your diary cards and practice the skills.",5.050270841336918,6.203410054744527,5.580925854782944,80.73558778332695,68.8905109489051,7.666231271609683,30.84441029581253,7.85451343220497,2.0662364963503648,1121,45,211,13,19,361,163,274,0.127,0.755,0.11800000000000001,-0.5346,0,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,3,2,3,9,8,15,3,0,16,0,20,5,1,1,4,48,42,25,2,5,6,5,2,1,2,2,3,1,1,0,10,21,1,0,8,1,1,10,3,6,0,0,20,3,40,8,32,19,4,33,0,1,0,0,21,11,1,5,13,150,50,4,0.0,0.0,0.11200661187459596,0.12512478402382965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22986684798478396,0.0,0.0,0.18357558933975715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382877244159804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156751119730456,0.0,0.09583469950572364,0.06996750402127314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151166938182836,0.0,0.0,0.2891173350762581,0.0,0.0,0.1312752682046795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745757712288978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382312459620356,0.0967052778831438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220409445910502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584797382669066,0.1773541440805868,0.0,0.05996668247950525,0.0,0.19569266923366854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014976620768062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513152878465938,0.0,0.0,0.13243821337055947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630788974392086,0.09355925623576417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736811462702962,0.08107098055902573,0.056074653437943336,0.0,0.1013509327759656,0.10157477377434647,0.0,0.12840704041413842,0.0,0.09758001240517576,0.0,0.10860556445014052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771122463041173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153834278968526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178178001362724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812403436887011,0.0,0.09166172878199758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510966486589845,0.0,0.0,0.11929812014769213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326591509695404,0.07625329471215955,0.0,0.0,0.27336234497721,0.13385575938545669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539788394399285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21280040936070252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064173887761793,0.0,0.16711926446490838,0.11656246478141966,0.0,0.08153488216923764,0.0,0.0,0.14782632759893335 bpd,throwawaybcimtrashh,2020/02/24,"I feel so lost I’m losing someone and I can’t do anything about it. They’re my FP and the love of my life all mashed into one. I have no one else. They tell me ‘you know how I feel about you’ but haven’t actually told me in weeks. They’re going through some really difficult things at the moment and I’m trying my best to support them and help them but I know I’m losing them. They even spoke about moving continents to get away from it all, if it wasn’t for their parents. I feel like nothing to them, I feel like a burden, like I’ve only complicated their life more (which I have). I feel so lost and I have 3 exams and a huge project due in the next 6 days. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t focus. I can’t tell them this because it’ll only make the situation worse. I have no one. How do you cope with a broken heart, that hasn’t even been properly broken yet?",0.5417460317460296,2.2563863756613785,2.6150529100529134,95.01559523809526,82.06878306878308,5.681481481481483,17.907407407407415,6.691623216298621,-0.2448497354497352,671,14,162,7,18,226,100,189,0.17800000000000002,0.68,0.142,-0.7272,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,3,9,5,10,12,0,0,7,0,16,6,2,3,2,24,35,13,0,1,3,1,5,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,8,8,1,0,7,0,0,2,10,6,0,3,6,6,32,6,16,28,5,14,0,4,0,1,19,6,0,2,9,104,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.12896930084073918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087565922360288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416886795510955,0.0,0.0,0.08056363748684951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869398699483065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523240225415893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352328888935189,0.1104028972157758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17458114484286094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341208663005361,0.18883056118416225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690482551313964,0.0,0.07510969310449113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15661048544402795,0.08858420309660135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526359050388465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18669732984829512,0.1937004091385759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29570693993996344,0.2885369626970722,0.0,0.11927974960777965,0.0,0.08821796656648932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046538813942785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055388289990134,0.0,0.0,0.12681128609211612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686655363461251,0.20102759048756536,0.0,0.0,0.1467482733491985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466521482615925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855361358940222,0.1322556547489407,0.0,0.1119789172481223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499738403947486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23102769786860736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780137119798515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126284744472018,0.0,0.0897281075191934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060109488620456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468254498259688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_Flower_Goblin_,2020/02/24,"I posted last night :) Here to say thanks to the ACTUALLY HELPFUL people that commented or dmd me before a ""mod"" took it down because I was asking for someone to talk to while I was in the middle of a mental breakdown because I had nobody to talk to who understood me or in general 🥰🥰🥰 So thank you helpful people. ""Everyone is welcome"" yea ok. Take this down too, shows how great the mod team is.",6.762375000000002,5.430756487500003,7.845000000000002,74.44000000000005,65.375,10.5,35.0,9.516144504307137,3.1713749999999994,309,12,60,5,4,106,56,80,0.0,0.726,0.27399999999999997,0.9738,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,4,5,0,0,5,2,5,0,0,1,0,5,11,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,7,5,12,6,0,10,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,2,3,40,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.20578549437869725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971414920557551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570972760354843,0.0,0.17944076182327195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015019729831136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324925937489443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826927634645081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189286842937448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125143777012592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19789374251870825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29239106547368704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20196183667552048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676978232138448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867536456875158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585532305640256,0.3389898264360367,0.0,0.3882943465926863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23429206262436905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Captain0B3R0N,2020/02/24,"Worst fear came true Hi. My relationship of three and a half years just ended. She was my absolute soulmate, we met eachother in a shared loneliness. My worst fear of losing her came true. I feel like I'm to blame. I have a constant urge to contact her. I don't know what to do with myself. I just want to sleep. Anyone here that went through something similar? How do I survive this? What the fuck do I do now?",0.44501642935377816,2.876453698795181,1.8539320920043807,95.21009857612269,90.32530120481928,4.9458926615553125,20.79846659364732,6.574015621080383,0.3196120481927718,319,11,69,4,11,102,58,83,0.264,0.579,0.157,-0.9143,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,2,5,10,1,2,4,0,7,2,1,1,2,13,16,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,6,0,2,5,1,14,4,9,11,2,8,0,1,0,1,9,1,1,0,5,48,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543557771741683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5049657257438461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385557959557907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19552182100343068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4968174685087625,0.1116194558492787,0.15770613730639885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20408278544128836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132019100066928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784886771275458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469663754647482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370063329180766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209126352915113,0.0,0.0,0.16994660605583425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020596275483787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20464043726780265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421578295381118 bpd,AlabasterOctopus,2020/02/24,"The horror of it... Is it just me or do others have whole days at a time where they just can’t move past the sheer horror that your parents played at least some part in you now being this way? Replaying memories of childhood and seeing it for what it is now that you know? And who would I have been “if”? It fills me with rage and deep sadness, which duh it would because I have BPD but still.... I don’t see anyone discussing the... awfulness of it? I also understand you’re supposed to let it go for your own sake, and sometimes I can. But then sometimes I just can’t believe anyone would treat a child this way. It’s horrifying. And I can add, from time to time new memories surface so I’m sure that contributes to the emotions coming back. Or am I missing something??",2.0233982683982674,4.187647616883115,3.049064935064937,91.48835930735932,79.32467532467533,5.924848484848488,23.253679653679647,7.0316486544052195,0.7513269264069264,599,20,125,7,15,191,95,154,0.114,0.83,0.055,-0.8459,1,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,4,1,0,10,6,1,0,6,2,18,0,0,0,1,23,26,13,0,4,8,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,18,8,0,0,2,1,0,4,3,3,0,0,1,2,15,3,13,20,5,24,0,2,2,0,9,6,0,4,12,96,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162905303016642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301816580912549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656579033463589,0.0,0.10033748310794584,0.0,0.0,0.18544571036243326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073055637057475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417867014864704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615216725811652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18515072497920698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354490187145577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045881934490757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683127243644492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749417472863172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589698850610459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827667277399049,0.17824371848414894,0.1571275253516434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623267739955566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671567039817866,0.3255834888284176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144826719147332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513177536906686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879354534104003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17135244249120493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613006444164284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18376791716545846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507773348557721,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jessahugs,2020/02/24,"DAE Feel Like Their Life is Falling Apart Because of A Few Minor Inconviences? This past month I got in a fight with my aunt about my family being narcissists. I took my baby (cat) to the vet and they gave her all her vaccines at once. I didn't know and trust the vet not to do something bad to my baby and because they did it all at once she spent the whole day yesterday vomiting and miserable. Also, this past weekend we went to Top Golf and I got smashed and drank too much. I cracked my phone screen and feel like I made a fool of myself. I feel like I'm losing control and my life sucks when It really doesn't. I have an awesome boyfriend and group of friends. My job is good and reliable and I've been eating healthy and working out. Also, my kitty is feeling better today! &#x200B; I still feel like I should be focusing on the bad stuff and sad.",3.546562916851933,4.849514398843933,4.196531791907514,88.6779813250334,72.64161849710983,7.4040017785682535,26.60248999555358,7.882392219407189,1.415884304135172,673,23,141,9,13,214,108,173,0.166,0.7040000000000001,0.13,-0.8355,1,0,1,0,1,0,19.0,1,0,3,5,6,16,2,1,8,0,12,5,0,2,2,28,28,16,0,1,1,1,5,4,1,1,3,0,0,0,5,16,2,1,6,2,1,3,3,8,0,0,11,6,26,8,14,14,5,19,0,3,1,0,13,7,1,0,13,89,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063167742226521,0.0,0.13976756262677556,0.1567447645601155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154132380207044,0.15727003554228228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408684699387438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468044910923802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831920165847384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319955373554281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160634043063208,0.0,0.32612231868925234,0.3686202608931336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966231085878248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819607338079128,0.2063404355265878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280090382094859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089305657677941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18222796671564973,0.25208453159984656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431399327658456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205952763421468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296370839515176,0.0,0.0948272081319249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27475394568200834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24628335026241946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263840710443655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993077430786557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301670429052907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14767003397061493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227351902480788,0.0,0.14331976434913118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958096980776413,0.0,0.1440198915147699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391092704337822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567447645601155,0.0 bpd,kOlah23,2020/02/24,"The conundrum of my life, currently. DAE hold a job, with BPD. I’m currently at the end of holding on and pushing through. I might even have been fired already for leaving and not calling off appropriately. The mere thought of going back, to a place that triggers me so severely is unbearable. I’m in a really tough spot right now. This is the first job in 6 years that I’ve had for longer than a year in its entirety. I’ve always worked but I fail quickly, by losing my temper and walking away, or ghosting because of my overwhelming anxiety and thought of inadequacy or fired for something like not calling off correctly. But, the kicker is... I need to work. My FP becomes so stressed with the thought of me not working. He works hard, and I can’t put him through that. But I’m in a really hard spot right now... I am in a full time position which just occurred four months ago. I also do not have insurance. My company requires a look back period or 12 months of consecutive work in position. So I took this job after I was guaranteed benefits once the position was filled. So I took the job, knowing I would lose my Medicaid but I was okay with that considering a raise and insurance benefits. Welp, here I am with no insurance. I have many health issues, and I feel lost looking for help. Many offices will not take patients without insurance or require payments in full before services. But! I found a mental health clinic that has a sliding scale based on income. Sounds great right? They initially required me to apply for Medicaid .. i was declined. I make approximately $1200 over the guidelines of a single person. So, my financial social worker, said the mental health board would help.. pay for my appointments. Lies, no help. They declined me because of my income. While I understand I am over such.. I don’t understand why they are not willing to help.. I pay rent, utilities, groceries,gas, insurance ... my FP helps .. we have approximately $300 extra a month. We don’t do anything ever. Our outings include going to the supermarket or visiting family. But I’m expected to pay $200+ for each psychiatric visit ... plus pay for medicines out of pocket. I’m not even eligible for insurance through the market place because of enrollment time frame. But I didn’t think I needed that because my job guaranteed me I would have insurance. If I quit my job , I’ll get benefits.. eventually by utilizing Medicaid . But we won’t afford anything. I have a dog, and we can’t find anything cheaper with her. & my job will not let me back peddle out of my position back to part time. I’m lost. Sorry this was long and dumb.",3.006948717948717,5.655748137373737,4.404116161616162,80.44207167832171,78.73737373737373,8.090520590520592,29.115190365190358,8.896514948857734,2.86596891996892,2068,97,373,53,52,683,238,495,0.134,0.81,0.057,-0.9857,13,0,1,0,0,0,88.0,5,0,3,16,20,16,2,2,25,1,37,5,0,2,2,72,66,31,1,7,24,0,5,1,0,8,5,2,1,1,11,22,0,5,10,0,5,11,17,10,0,2,17,9,56,6,59,40,6,60,0,6,2,0,23,24,1,7,26,249,67,23,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060070078746942764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478097874839577,0.05419209253803462,0.05638637314180338,0.07342395417167362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051840466663450206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672958415932584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366797278565514,0.2084301258443963,0.0,0.1652370215980551,0.07484173513987384,0.0576634989957481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534834850947873,0.0,0.13839242345983346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06002017082423775,0.0,0.0,0.08951702437008809,0.061297827188692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388333744222538,0.0,0.034264302434379536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06193649266508373,0.05764134932356491,0.0,0.07430143700334749,0.0,0.0,0.03540470732319193,0.0,0.07702545694858884,0.0,0.0,0.07471176732611504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214092595580703,0.0,0.0,0.2160948590311808,0.0,0.0,0.2271091266625854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072963688378604,0.4707280219306706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037242178652589136,0.0,0.0,0.07175394172979145,0.0,0.06929487468086977,0.04786481793581738,0.0331068288444724,0.0,0.0,0.05997038669146399,0.11381200366200235,0.15162465209422266,0.1479482239887558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04523403641395567,0.13740727990558804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658348839632836,0.07188854851832023,0.0,0.0,0.1622694664871312,0.0,0.0,0.10049460574038252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721681080255799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338349599919004,0.0,0.0,0.05917027172113309,0.1416011706461315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681231031253205,0.0,0.07207701274406693,0.0,0.0,0.08682470384432198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361424972596767,0.06446056415775075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655579224828576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907845283074555,0.0,0.052169237551708526,0.0,0.07585799453683201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762521814626641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05095126635945641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043421433544221295,0.0,0.16139485155623362,0.11854392610893677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058005751399914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109267226853792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061147876162195525,0.0,0.0,0.06532358004013111,0.0,0.2466706678524935,0.0,0.0,0.14441612511177634,0.0,0.0,0.08727759560638124 bpd,English-Bitchrature,2020/02/24,"Coping with past actions Hi all! I’ve never received an official BPD diagnosis, but about a year and a half ago I read all of the symptoms on the NHS website for the first time and sort of had that ‘it’s me’ moment. I’m wondering how you all cope with guilt/anxiety over your past behaviour, particularly hypersexuality? Just under a year ago, when I was feeling particularly rejected (jobs rejected, ghosted by someone I’d been speaking to/had plans to meet up with on tinder a fair few times), I used an anonymous app to explore a potential sexual kink, and met someone. We spoke online on and off for about a month and a half, during which time I realised I actually didn’t really care that much for the kink and it was actually hugely exacerbating my mental illness, but never really felt like I could say no without a ‘real’ reason (ie. “I don’t like when you use that particular word because it reminds me of my deceased sister” was valid in my head but “I don’t like when you use that particular word because it upsets me” was not). At the time, it felt semi-serious because we spoke about our various life histories and broadly planned to meet up at some point, but in retrospect, I realise I didn’t even know his surname. Now, I’m in a genuinely productive, supportive ‘real life’ relationship, and realised recently that I’d repressed the one from before and it all came flooding back - one specific worry for me is that I sent nudes to him with degrading words written all over my face (his kink), and though I don’t think he would ever share them with anyone I’m a bit like.... just disgusted in how foolish it was to do that, and anxious that he COULD release them and I (now training to be a teacher), would have no way of combating it because I don’t even know his surname. Just looking for advice...",8.785775862068968,6.983421859195403,9.270086206896554,67.33978448275866,61.729885057471286,12.378160919540234,40.14080459770115,11.20814326018867,4.4736977011494234,1429,64,261,32,16,483,181,348,0.15,0.8079999999999999,0.042,-0.9906,1,2,0,0,0,0,44.0,3,4,2,3,18,13,1,2,19,0,21,7,3,6,8,63,43,22,1,4,9,1,3,4,0,2,4,4,0,0,17,20,0,1,9,1,0,5,12,6,0,5,17,8,35,7,41,21,10,47,0,2,1,1,28,18,0,3,27,183,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.2046032191643634,0.0,0.0,0.10244131785566496,0.1858557569186788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801967416368955,0.11843113086928002,0.0,0.07330147327397747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060988850759017,0.0,0.2556202052728088,0.0,0.08920492095226093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445017563061033,0.0,0.13203313733624555,0.0,0.0,0.11990070060066935,0.10688394181134436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674007885669431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384820418789386,0.09482719439754804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05300657163327128,0.0,0.2013116967506032,0.0,0.0,0.08917065560606045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075886119777229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403029576185964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522663940456195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809289671005876,0.2048638810675681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803307956421415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564672191221797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367647462170966,0.0,0.07706410927087606,0.0,0.1617069083093022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420747243894325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001493810702077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910080258221228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486108631574538,0.2386451657103289,0.13431704593069022,0.10778549303667298,0.1035096610167783,0.11255110560944516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833671843100542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764884199688866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896292503399808,0.0,0.10896133279079627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717257215403669,0.10299761227975736,0.0,0.2445152015188003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716254258482176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321133126763071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101054998314068,0.11368660982377485,0.0,0.10646271290980973,0.0,0.14894030885150591,0.0,0.0,0.1350176654653703 bpd,awesomelikesoph,2020/02/24,"Getting a Diagnosis?? This is probably going to sound really silly, but I could really do with opinions from people with a similar mindset. About a year ago, I went to my GP (UK based) and was referred to a mental health unit - he thought i had bipolar - and they identified me as having BPD and gave me a a 12-week course for it called STEPPS. I don't know if it's because I'm a nervous wreck and never spoke in the group, but I was let go after the group finished and I've heard nothing since. My symptoms arent getting worse per se, but they're not improving. I can recognise in retrospect when I split, and I've learnt exceptional coping skills and symptoms that I can now objectify as a result of this sub, to be honest, rather than any help from the doctors or NHS. I'm worried about going back to the doctors in case I'm just making a nuisance of myself, and that they'll think I'm being a hypochondriac. My partner keeps telling me to, and I feel like I'm the one putting a massive strain on the otherwise amazing relationship, but my mum says I shouldn't - although, she does tend to downplay anything that is wrong with me. Any opinions/advice would be greaaaat, and I'm sorry if this was a bit all over the place!!",6.639857549857547,5.990559893004117,6.899176954732512,78.89193732193733,65.29629629629629,9.61684077239633,35.15321304210193,8.841846274778883,2.8637283317505533,966,40,190,13,13,313,148,243,0.08199999999999999,0.8240000000000001,0.094,0.6931,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,2,1,7,7,0,2,19,0,20,6,0,2,2,38,42,21,0,6,11,1,1,1,1,3,6,4,0,1,8,13,0,1,5,0,0,6,5,3,0,1,9,5,22,4,27,25,2,20,0,0,0,0,16,6,0,4,9,122,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145209767180222,0.128315835987041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19687559617724196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191203464297499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130702006932627,0.0,0.08824079726815025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803406048198113,0.0,0.1823128072670366,0.0,0.14781019003928722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557442441374498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963240494648258,0.12667534791940355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319205672930769,0.10341240655998524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512561565697331,0.0,0.2468013886483801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538669116000283,0.0,0.0,0.0970256675399467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866415559247985,0.0,0.0,0.07955310509775086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802094420003706,0.0,0.07071957468133942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662453119091974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587815482506886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164333819192307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889552826105156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808917052074534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035431385870093,0.0,0.15123729623150153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606947603639162,0.0,0.0,0.14551792023415294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18546645335767006,0.0,0.0,0.15541180372325875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151143244199958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974214363820165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620404399051896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009100119170546,0.0,0.0,0.1265215231516755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275262595300106,0.0,0.1149186402140156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611306215247486,0.0,0.0,0.13418856398870474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470048841634525,0.1475168639115603,0.10282920776466056,0.15826595884484815,0.0,0.09321693825598387 bpd,Jealous_rabbit,2020/02/24,"Looking for support and a listening ear from someone who understands I have BPD and am in the middle of a depressive episode. I wake up severely depressed and suicidal. It feels like no one in my life will ever really understand what’s going on , because they haven’t experienced it. My parents seem burnt out and have stopped interacting with me and most of the time I don’t blame them. But I am so angry at them and have this hatred toward them I can’t explain. I’ve been staying at my cousins house and I truly believe I wouldn’t be able to survive if it weren’t for them. I am not in school and have no source of income but what’s really concerning is I am unable to get out of bed myself, eat my meals myself, remember to take my pills myself, not to mention doing things a functioning young adult « should »be doing. Everyday I think about death and dying because I am always in pain. I don’t know how to even explain the pain because it’s not something most people experience. I also don’t know how to talk about it because I dont want it to seem Iike I want attention or that I am playing the victim. On good days, thé thoughts are for 50% of the day and on bad days it's 90% of the day. It never goes away but sometimes other people in my life help me distract myself which provides temporarily relief. I’m still trying to figure out how to find relief myself but for temporarily relief, I go to sleep and I know that it actually makes things worse in the long run but I keep giving in to short term relief. If I had it my way, I would always be sleeping. As mentioned, I’ve reached a point where meals have to be handed to me or left in the fridge for me or I don't have the motivation to eat. Sometimes, a simple reminder to eat is enough and I am able to eat my dinner. I know it sounds terrible but I wish I had cancer where people often fight for their life. I can’t help but get really really upset seeing others happy and prospering in ways I do not have the capacity to. However, sometimes I’m content knowing that not everyone goes through life like this and it’s actually an illness. I always blame my parents for my mental health and even though I am still convinced that they play a role i know the truth is they didn't do anything on purpose or have the capacity to deal with their own mental health struggles. This is something they don’t even acknowledge. It just sucks. It is really hard to imagine or phantom a day I will heal but there are a few things that stop me from ending it all. What stops me is my fear of being in the hospital again, not knowing what happens after death and not wanting to hurt my family more than I already have. I don’t know how to explain that I don’t want to die but I just want to end my suffering and the burden I have caused on those who care for me so much. I understand that they aren’t obligated to do anything they are doing and have their own lives to live. I spend a lot of time scrolling through other peoples Facebook and Instagram thinking about all the things I haven’t experienced due to my illness. What I can’t get over is that My dad thinks there are demons inside of me and sometimes I truly believe that I am cursed.  ",4.740238095238095,5.36900542546584,5.653043478260872,81.84340579710148,69.27950310559007,8.493581780538303,28.99792960662527,8.563005593585519,2.0385935817805385,2530,88,505,38,42,833,264,644,0.174,0.722,0.105,-0.9924,6,0,2,0,1,2,41.0,0,0,13,2,25,30,3,4,25,0,65,25,5,7,5,106,110,45,5,11,25,4,3,2,0,5,13,3,1,1,43,25,7,4,28,2,1,3,27,16,0,1,6,10,84,14,79,95,12,59,1,4,2,0,34,30,1,13,25,376,127,2,0.1249405200652958,0.0,0.1219239246970349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893748536744937,0.049957444378225226,0.15594078220606328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281540239150533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586928656958829,0.0,0.05216005774275621,0.15232516275164695,0.0,0.0,0.14076518135382365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867910563599542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369259352786565,0.06417416527863133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20144074842694756,0.06440409503374699,0.10761108685510183,0.0,0.12966853426357766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321467950404385,0.0,0.0,0.2556906869236523,0.0,0.0,0.11066021646678337,0.0645484779668435,0.0,0.12378305274152905,0.056507926689412936,0.0,0.059693010565375286,0.0,0.06110790141500633,0.058891401448014864,0.07029641030283562,0.031586840493801005,0.04462876624947183,0.0,0.0,0.057096685925656476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791439750648076,0.05992716577508846,0.07100657680852239,0.05239709023397287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055242244635668535,0.06650075343451886,0.055961082579685316,0.0,0.0,0.13280593034729565,0.0,0.0,0.08374499696663601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208229266001169,0.06687570540559927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05552643745208356,0.0,0.0,0.2746561694040279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787412031098589,0.0,0.17649836850453499,0.06103962711446668,0.0,0.1103247682340954,0.055284214304453294,0.05245928489039532,0.0,0.0,0.053109981122118,0.0,0.0,0.04169938366131155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259106579018808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04592282904424065,0.0,0.0481809157065494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04233146494115929,0.0,0.13294552231111573,0.0,0.13873166181882374,0.0,0.0,0.1732360502693917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059054587903345536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20010024109671992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076662676759665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322323828104985,0.04978070919418857,0.11374115702968125,0.0,0.07057361238432454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503075061467062,0.0,0.0529308486020064,0.0961853163878,0.2471387381308067,0.0,0.0,0.06658498526222137,0.0997776607163944,0.15668380386111136,0.0,0.06530747953375174,0.0,0.06833232514222562,0.07089051077897453,0.0,0.0,0.04696986102476484,0.050211228682849794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16600985971784066,0.12008526057113067,0.06137671330324206,0.04959440847016284,0.07285382199512101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042413205906602185,0.0,0.0,0.19510123147810474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18423288957941264,0.09917196932531656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183771603620244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366253195689202,0.04437708036787093,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hornline,2020/02/24,"I feel so abandoned right now I just got diagnosed a couple months ago, and I’ve for the most part kept it very close to my chest because honestly I find this diagnosis beyond embarrassing. It just feels... taboo. And gross. And bad. I don’t know. I was recommended treatment plans but my therapist has been on maternal leave for months now and still is not back. Anyways, mid-January I met a guy who I felt just clicked with me so incredibly well and I got attached really quickly. I was under the impression he had as well, as he told me things like he was falling for me, could see a future with me, he loved me, and even took care of me when I got a concussion. We had a ridiculous amount of similarities and opinions, even joked that we shared my one brain cell. We spent a lot of time together in a short span. Today he tells me (over text) he is not ready for anything serious. And I have not felt this broken or useless in such a long time. I’ve been clean from cutting for a couple months now but I got so dangerously close that I had to call a friend and hang around her place and have her watch me because I really just wanted to so badly. I’m thankful I’m pretty self aware, and good at preventing things but I have not felt that strong of an urge in a while. He was one of 2 people that knew about my diagnosis and I just feel really embarrassed. Abandoned. Hurt. I don’t even know. I wish it never happened. I really hate how high the fucking highs are, because the lows are equally drastic. I feel like I can’t even tell if he felt this way already but I’m so fucking beyond oblivious and in a high spot that I don’t care, and I choose to ignore it. There’s no other way to describe how I feel besides abandoned. No one really wants me. I feel like a burden to my friend who watched me tonight. I’m so entertaining at first, and then it’s just too much. I’m just a temporary pleasure. No one actually wants this for a lifetime. I don’t even want this for a lifetime. Some words of affirmation would be really nice right now.",1.8513562633199143,4.046389123786408,3.365432157234192,88.83208974662563,80.09223300970874,6.835046175704478,23.15557660430973,7.933642134475585,1.1765153208619474,1597,54,339,29,41,525,198,412,0.168,0.638,0.19399999999999998,0.9581,0,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,3,0,0,3,38,40,6,2,21,0,25,6,2,2,1,77,66,34,0,8,17,0,10,3,2,1,1,0,1,2,20,23,0,7,15,2,1,3,13,20,2,5,23,14,46,20,37,40,7,50,0,6,4,3,27,23,2,6,25,225,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.07634261650230216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934746595452929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863303575753126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437782293187169,0.06964258230013216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060155161094358325,0.1306399968632248,0.1430675092582861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733217812896553,0.07988306386841589,0.0,0.15952436747151766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062461452248621416,0.17312323722054507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940328156911172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583556959366977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23733704993467444,0.11177713628298812,0.3004578662100713,0.0,0.07150213394140832,0.06654363691828001,0.0,0.0,0.1208828584315851,0.14464744182379474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561683403004813,0.25027536931002325,0.0,0.0,0.07746144144837272,0.0691798186028991,0.0,0.0,0.07723736696664195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24796748693192835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374839218450393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859879251053709,0.0,0.0,0.08283581668291454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465981403951425,0.0,0.0,0.06923237718542054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650958671688766,0.07060694383419405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873308065747904,0.0,0.05750912194037185,0.0,0.060336922054548985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21204663823044828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471704376926871,0.0,0.054235841665008916,0.0,0.08173522130603053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958951595758068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30070244551640346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361847277091554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234034215463517,0.0,0.08161247075649376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247574220151202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675548231103934,0.0720250144001552,0.0,0.09083275066355828,0.10394700701714124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123478278969427,0.0,0.07415427337999088,0.07475350920312268,0.08691802665910918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454914465783691,0.1845717597588343,0.12419297756029073,0.0,0.0,0.14067894919349858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996231411317844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05557338211404547,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,THROWRABPDhelp,2020/02/24,"Is my best mate toxic, or is it just my BPD? Sorry for how long and rambly this will likely be, I just really need to get a lot this off my chest. This person is meant to be my best friend, hence this hasn't been an overnight thing for me, literally been the realisation of several months. But I'm just finding it super hard as I don't know if I'm going crazy and that my BPD is just making me think this is toxic, or if this person is legitimately bad for me. Posted this to r/relationship_advice but can't seem to crosspost, and I would like the opinions of people who also suffer from BPD because I feel like people will better understand why I am just so lost right now. I just feel so defeated and confused. TLDR: have realised best friend has a history of being really condescending and belittling to others, cannot stand it when people are doing ""better"" than them and just super two-faced in general. I recently got a job and this shit has hit a whole new level and they're just now on a rampage, talking shit about me to everyone. \---------------------------- This person has been my best mate for past couple of years in college, let’s call them Jamie. In the last couple of years, I would say I probably have seen/hung out/studied with them 80% of those days, it’s slightly ridiculous how much we saw each other. We clicked well and had a lot of fun. At college, Jamie has been pretty popular, every pretty much universally likes them. I also know from people who went to Jamie’s high school that they were absolutely hated by everyone for being arrogant and just annoying as fuck, and I know that Jamie no longer keeps in contact/talks to/hangs out with any high school mates. I knew of this three years ago, but I just brushed it off as just how some people aren’t the best in high school, which is so fine. For the past three years, they have been pretty good such as studying with me, talking shit as college students do or us going on many nights out, or driving me home if I needed a lift occasionally, that sort of thing. Jamie is pretty well-known for being really well-rounded and good at a lot of things - maintaining a high GPA while working out every second day, having a part-time job at an extremely reputable firm that people aspire to be in when they graduate, having a good social life and all of that. However, in the past year, I have started to notice some shit. a) I have realised every single person Jamie is good friends with is “less” accomplished than her. Jamie is always friends with people who constantly don’t have their shit together (aka me until recently) and that she can give “advice” to. She is never close with people who are “more” accomplished than they are. b) Every time I have expressed admiration for a friend who has a better job, better marks, whatever, Jamie’s face turns so fucking sour. I noticed it once, but brushed it off. But then I kept and kept on noticing it - every fucking time. c) In the past, I didn’t really piece it together at the time, but Jamie will constantly make justifications for themselves. For example, their marks are pretty high and definitely impressive, but they’re not the best of the best. One of our friends has some of the highest marks, has a job at a top 5 firm in the industry and competes internationally in college case competitions. Ages ago, Jamie was going on to me “you don’t even need case competitions to get a job” and before said person got a job “well, their mummy and daddy pays their college fees so of COURSE they can get high marks”. It was just in such a horrible tone, and was so nasty and left such a sour taste in my mouth; their inability to just be happy for said person, but again, I just brushed it off, thinking they were having a bad day. But I’ve realised a lot of their comments are very self-justifying. d) But, these comments kept on coming. Jamie was talking about their ex best friend (who was morbidly obese) from high school, being like “yeah we were best friends, but they were SO horrible they talked so badly about me, they were super jealous that I was valedictorian and got hookups and was skinny”. What the actual fuck? I note that when I am making judgments about who is “less” or “more” accomplished than they are, it is in the eyes of Jamie’s values (one of them being hating fat people with a burning passion). Perhaps the ex friend was jealous, but judging from about 7 accounts of people who went to the same school as Jamie telling me that Jamie was a legit douchebag, and the fact that Jamie just clams up every time anyone brings up high school, I’m inclined to believe the latter. e) At college, again, they’re known as being so nice. Jamie consistently reiterates to everyone they meet that they don’t care for drama and don’t talk badly about others and they hate that sort of stuff. But yet I was inundated daily with them talking SO much shit about everyone under the sun, literally messaging me paragraphs and paragraphs about people, and then seeing them being like “HEY MAN WHAT’S UP” later the same day when they see them in class. f) When I have introduced Jamie to friends in the past, literally almost all of them make a comment to me afterwards being like “oh wow they like to flex don’t they”, and comments on those lines. Which now that I listen to those conversations, it’s them being like “yeah I’ve done this and this and this”. g) With the whole “being nice” thing, I have realised they don’t seem to have an understanding for why their high school career left them with no friends despite being accomplished. So I’ve really realised now that they are DESPERATE to maintain friends and has built this whole persona to serve this. Jamie drops classes if a person they are friends with drops, they will move ALL appointments whether it’d be work or family around just to hang out with people they want to be friends with FOR ONE HOUR, they will go out of their way to do things even if it means they get fucked over tremendously. I thought Jamie was just dedicated, but now I’m like this is fucking stupid, like the lengths they have gone to just to make sure they are friends with people is absolutely ABSURD, NO normal person does that. It’s weird though - it’s one of those things where everyone is like “oh my god they’re so nice love them!” and they’ll get invited to parties and whatever, but Jamie doesn’t really commandeer people’s respect if that makes sense? Like people have in the past, which I’ve seen myself, asked them for XYZ whether it’d be notes or whatever, but they won’t reciprocate 90% of the time. Like they’re well-liked, but it’s the thing with “nice” people, you don’t respect their time and effort because you know no matter what they’ll pull through for you again. h) And from this, comes me. So I’ve had an interesting time with college, some good marks and some horrible marks. But in the past year I got my shit together and landed myself a job. Jamie now does the whole thing where they ask you about your job, or whatever, not to hear your answer, but just to one up you. So that’s been going on and that’s fun - I don’t care to boast like it’s a small place I’m just happy I won’t be unemployed, but fuck me dead it’s always about them them them and just trying to be like “WELL, I do…”. Then last year, I had a lot of personal shit going on, stuff was absolutely fucked back at home. I was distant from everyone because I just needed a lot of time to myself to figure stuff out. They KNEW this. Instead of checking up, they message me several times being like “you’re acting weird, you never see me anymore” and shit like that. It was about all about how THEY were affected by my prolonged absences and upset THEY were. Nothing about how I was doing or feeling, just about how their life was fucking affected. Like I am sorry I am not chatting to you 24/7 at home but when family members are dying and disputes are involving the police I quite frankly don’t care and don’t have time for your gossip about other people or time to go have lunch with others. And now I know they’ve gone super petty, having lunches deliberately without me and bitching to me behind my back to friends. Like what? I literally EXPLAINED that shit was hitting the fan and that it wasn’t personal and just needed space from everyone in general. But as a result of their behaviour, this is when I started to realise all this shit, and now I’m getting piiiiissssseeed. In particular, I know they have struggled with depression in the past which has now been resolved, and I’ve had pretty severe issues with mental health myself that are ongoing. But during this asshole period they’re currently in where they’re pretending to act nice to my face but also being sly, they were like at a party where I was in the conversation “yuck depression is so weird”. What the fuck? Everyone thinks this person is nice. But because I have spent a disproportionate amount of time with this person, which I know is EASILY at least 1,000 thousand hours more than their next closest person no exaggeration, I swear it seems like I have “evidence” of this and I feel seriously crazy. In the past, I have cut out many people I’m not afraid to do so - some of them I correctly identified as extremely toxic people, others I know I fucked up a bit and I was just blowing it out of proportion with my Borderline Personality Disorder, which can cause people to distort their relationships, etc. if you don’t already know. But I cannot shake the feeling that I am just there for Jamie’s fucking ego boost and for them to feel popular because I’ve realised they talk to everyone in this rather condescending tone and have literally never witnessed a conversation with them really genuinely appraising someone who has had a “better” achievement than she has; I just look back and realise how belittling some of their comments have been. I’m literally so done with their behaviour right now, but does this seem toxic? Or am I just being dramatic? Let me know if you need more, I literally have probably around about a hundred incidents similar to the ones I’ve mentioned.",6.194508625880258,6.7544834439252375,6.253253488311215,79.05688565145684,66.06645898234683,9.360761625522485,29.73627581873871,9.30327386709967,2.4164224508494985,7987,261,1513,139,119,2535,556,1926,0.126,0.6809999999999999,0.193,0.9994,13,0,0,0,0,0,234.0,5,13,71,32,113,142,33,5,77,2,183,39,18,18,11,279,302,152,2,19,82,2,7,22,19,11,5,5,3,15,117,95,6,4,37,3,5,21,35,52,3,10,65,26,189,90,230,197,49,201,0,5,8,14,176,89,24,41,108,1063,306,37,0.0,0.0,0.02142892817869077,0.0,0.0,0.02145819261129031,0.03893086025598819,0.0,0.021988881253023496,0.0,0.024232428974533243,0.05268208796093465,0.036543484858296026,0.0,0.0,0.014932950916838963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0217775410620449,0.015354323481278562,0.0,0.0,0.03909653513756868,0.041057615718321824,0.0,0.0,0.050655610944237366,0.07333977372813813,0.06693036211972858,0.0,0.01868558913275136,0.024740402417219972,0.2074026237312676,0.09710526173748037,0.02397366574820797,0.0,0.0829702082520826,0.0,0.02242271115083449,0.0,0.06716634240316757,0.02255805957855071,0.0,0.03783166561609641,0.0,0.04746000346078503,0.0,0.0,0.04859468520246005,0.0,0.05664724905834994,0.0,0.03782670640202762,0.0,0.02279009402522853,0.0,0.025167047744194943,0.0,0.057649707416788036,0.04494359649102665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02449021737388628,0.029007576142566275,0.0,0.11100900667784064,0.18884587506814868,0.0,0.0,0.041402197808438713,0.0,0.06661912874101081,0.015687595835516408,0.0,0.0,0.02007023289288705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714489191013951,0.2436101708916391,0.06883638619868614,0.021065183630495397,0.08735909600169425,0.09209131728544907,0.07025083969552011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04675177157291048,0.019671053443886116,0.06504023828117453,0.0,0.023341511932035246,0.02474951805875761,0.0,0.0,0.20880909162791786,0.06608034704750063,0.0,0.04325060904676666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02291961045264656,0.1743282628997563,0.019518269989027028,0.0,0.0,0.1206815508649791,0.035799218434936685,0.0,0.0,0.047717284460784916,0.044909364844048165,0.031020744056082357,0.23601851197199206,0.0,0.0,0.01943312538026081,0.018440125693379973,0.0,0.023970967548968918,0.11201312364563346,0.019818958239323264,0.0,0.08794727693955026,0.04452619110668435,0.0,0.023919913300338533,0.0,0.0,0.02212962264638061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01752755574656148,0.02333906359427908,0.04842742756829544,0.0976944312585551,0.050808668675557,0.02120824968635245,0.02335376746453359,0.02060714147150652,0.021515269915839498,0.021070362669260708,0.0750017924414822,0.0,0.02338574034769267,0.08928038602860977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023779581177806732,0.18866213623284625,0.30447370263115703,0.2684339257439485,0.022942600964999758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02103076169689547,0.13404188376333645,0.04735127909240824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0233562213446504,0.0,0.0,0.09847299761580652,0.0,0.043363952938537266,0.023575871077566337,0.0,0.03750592771820905,0.041776293082939835,0.01746276927935047,0.0,0.1555665739928847,0.052495713765314866,0.07996301270670966,0.02290814560008783,0.07442264714750757,0.24794787098194204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02238455192628241,0.01860588651403762,0.0,0.0,0.04916286188093643,0.031085548629333718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0229564343821376,0.07541379752708446,0.0,0.0,0.020696205605551597,0.0,0.0,0.14119923595074668,0.0191932340201957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670927981322278,0.04221154183631208,0.021574718571231395,0.01743308411064655,0.15365443554635216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.014908797358008678,0.023885210932258504,0.02145086414947559,0.04572042539156773,0.02641411107167988,0.0,0.0,0.018118569263695542,0.012952054713658385,0.017430123031982866,0.0,0.0,0.11846328708540906,0.040712638408275575,0.03962937075294015,0.09806626884304133,0.0,0.021167802831394102,0.0,0.03197299387560882,0.0,0.0,0.03119824990365393,0.0,0.0,0.09898664877072948 bpd,hypersp00p,2020/02/24,"My fiance is asleep next to me. I can't stop crying because I am terrified he will leave me. I slept while he was at work, because I wasn't feeling well. Haven't been able to go back down, so I'm just laying in bed with him. I had a SA flashback and I haven't been able to stop crying for the last hour and a half. It started out as me being upset over the flashback, to thoughts progressing from ""you're flying back this week, you won't be safe anymore"" to ""he's not going to marry you, he's never going to see you again"". I feel like I'm going to be physically ill. It's not even like he did anything, I just can't get the thoughts out of my head. He woke up 20 minutes ago when he heard me crying but he ended up falling back asleep and I don't feel any better about my thoughts, he never said he wasn't going to leave and now I'm just sitting here crying and ruminating and having harmful thoughts. I thought I was doing pretty okay. I haven't felt like this in a month or a couple months or something. It feels like my heart is being ripped out of my guts and he hasn't even done anything and it makes me feel all the more pathetic. I don't even know if I want him to hold me so I can feel something or if I want to shrivel up in misery because that's what I feel I deserve right now. I'm reading this right now and I sound so toxic and I hate it. I don't know what to do, I don't have a therapist anymore and distraction isn't working. I'm sorry I'm bringing this here I don't know what to do.",1.4449887082204145,2.7375164573170743,3.2502168021680227,93.39731255645893,78.02439024390246,5.712917795844628,22.51400180668473,6.037888025583468,0.19190207768744386,1170,34,273,7,27,392,146,328,0.11800000000000001,0.778,0.10300000000000001,-0.8341,0,0,2,0,0,0,28.0,0,3,0,4,21,12,1,2,9,1,36,7,6,1,3,52,75,23,0,4,11,0,8,4,0,2,1,3,1,0,13,15,0,4,16,1,0,7,19,4,1,1,19,12,39,8,32,50,2,44,0,0,1,0,18,14,0,5,26,174,52,3,0.17572307810218485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788395310687925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059748859455296614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174270075277728,0.0,0.0,0.14460512070149814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026803004834428,0.0,0.16067873611267275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770639129845433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721712180685252,0.3860470999503642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991285932406816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781924491283819,0.0,0.0,0.17409515370400966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31097803861668394,0.12553660210733206,0.08436085601830781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045904027802903535,0.0,0.2496686870634891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674507978234022,0.09017128712105074,0.0,0.0,0.10411634681236136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652591760605158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485921225418213,0.07161888105004482,0.0,0.18606536730072948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17169883969040722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05864825957263613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402604844452087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552847081654604,0.0,0.09344174354826504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938677200842365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788531563136248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006654856467924,0.08357644372758133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001427115191221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352802105759085,0.0,0.09835379963754776,0.06218884956122293,0.0,0.0,0.14691236165200494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201401876584903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487612388870941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364602429263203,0.0,0.07047722690044915,0.0,0.07899807535358026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279284937101499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rosefr,2020/02/24,"Bpd, help pls hello, didn’t know where else to go so thought i’d post here to get some support. tiny things make me spiral out of control i had a minor inconvenience today and it’s made me question everything. i feel like my whole personality is fake to the point where i don’t know who i really am i don’t know which bits are me and which bits aren’t. at some minor inconvenience i feel like everything comes crashing down then can be fine 15 minutes later but i don’t realise in the moment. i just want to be a normal functioning human and i’m just so sick of being borderline ugh i’m so tired. anyone relate or have advice?",1.7508407871198557,3.9620720387596937,3.6474418604651184,86.58633273703043,80.55038759689923,6.449850924269531,20.775790101371502,7.61054688173877,0.8061539654144307,499,14,102,8,13,168,86,129,0.152,0.76,0.08800000000000001,-0.9217,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,4,0,14,2,0,3,0,23,29,9,0,2,4,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,7,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,4,2,12,4,10,22,5,14,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,4,6,62,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16704325577156062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195271303107325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732503712593902,0.0,0.21529638228058395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725202420936204,0.0,0.0,0.1917268054510901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428007146828566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072646036627313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286755946239402,0.2442430386438275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931052018586594,0.0,0.09715069192404063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457930752562183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281836958963271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702796488688446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617501428303403,0.1141055985962198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748757925002286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926059686678408,0.0,0.0,0.1615961319067703,0.0,0.16371588086858946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914949778845104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951028904905873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19398378242054432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135667529874882,0.0,0.0,0.13570943185819198,0.0,0.1964735195997384,0.16203371871059966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082645018120133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908514515371124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ZolpidemJuulPod,2020/02/24,I hate this disorder Me and my first ex have been really close lately. We dated my junior year of high school and I’m a sophomore in college now. We took a break from contact but for the past year have stayed connected through social media interaction and sex every now and then (Which I know isn’t healthy but like that would stop me). She has helped me through a lot and is very intelligent with mental health and is very easy to rant to (of course everytime I’ve ranted to her I’ve woken up with a feeling of being hung over and scared that I might have exposed too much). Anyways she messaged me tonight saying her therapist thinks she needs a break from me that she worries about my feelings too much. I genuinely want the best for her and want her to be happy but at the same time losing someone so close to me for opening up to much again is causing me to be so upset with my self rn. I keep pushing people away when they start to get a little to close because people leave when they get to close and I get attached and then I’m well f*cked. So for this to happen I can feel some unhealthy feelings coming up and I’m trying really hard to not like crawl my way into staying in contact with her. I’m fucking lost for ideas what to do and how to cope with this healthily. I know I labeled this as venting but advice for healthy coping would be greatly appreciated thank you.,4.55370137299771,5.532667836956524,4.910770404271549,85.72774599542336,69.90579710144928,7.2598016781083174,27.932112890922962,7.273561745256523,1.3989449275362325,1097,37,219,10,19,347,152,276,0.12300000000000001,0.721,0.156,0.9226,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,1,2,4,15,13,2,2,9,0,18,3,0,2,0,52,45,25,0,5,5,1,5,2,0,3,1,1,0,1,9,26,0,2,8,0,0,3,2,6,1,1,4,6,35,7,43,34,7,41,0,2,0,2,23,16,1,3,19,154,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529625923829262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108533706957046,0.0,0.0,0.07192423445587669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238208595020901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120591571691736,0.0,0.10163599528869102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522417817474827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940976424531572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23863259677988655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036031593902732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090777693668576,0.18493118157619398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008190580553666,0.0,0.0,0.1043361735716054,0.1256001489212935,0.10569384469795866,0.11648847147609642,0.0,0.12541545597431428,0.0,0.0,0.07908469864766167,0.12466053096184453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331938030068261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487292929572266,0.0,0.0,0.12968595842025252,0.0,0.13309531596363167,0.12493198626300052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528570519469795,0.11825471735524162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199810697439934,0.1287975617883333,0.10030896183324377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890389632071005,0.12516635239049095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26020370607634724,0.08748641817575878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263265354887447,0.16359569319614664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117194186788893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382859080084544,0.11812631624558535,0.11940989738116847,0.0,0.0,0.12308695059371352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027364785922147,0.09997063376866301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351233345362115,0.25151847559417484,0.0,0.09864303827218088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862726378465888,0.0,0.13699286628112406,0.0,0.0756017830977801,0.0,0.0,0.06879960315850225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310887264400286,0.08010593418831181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19470449321578606,0.13918445835450174,0.09365318039849536,0.0,0.0,0.10608515284766028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198222826863268,0.0,0.16763021815640355,0.0,0.0,0.15196047927826958 bpd,altaccountxxx12345,2020/02/24,"Help I feel like I'm going crazy I have this consistent feeling of dread that I'm going to regret what I do. I made a big group for my birthday party and I'm so stressed that I made a mistake and won't want to do it when it comes around. Also what if my different groups of friends don't like each other? What if no one comes? I'm freaking out. What if I invited people that don't even like me??? I feel like I can't move rn because I'm just so anxious. I haven't showered in like 3 days because I just don't see the point. I'm like losing my mind and no one has noticed and no one can see it. My therapist thinks I should go back to the clinic just to get some extra help and therapy before everything gets worse. But I also don't have the time and I don't want to tell anyone if I go. I don't want people to be worried about me. Nothing is wrong with me I'm just feeling crazy and pretty fucked up. I don't know what to do I don't know how to get this anxiety to stop physically choking me.",0.6620454545454564,2.222554750000004,2.9136363636363636,93.76545454545456,81.04545454545455,5.854545454545455,21.454545454545453,6.742157984588678,0.28888181818181824,775,23,184,8,20,265,104,220,0.223,0.628,0.149,-0.9346,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,14,15,1,2,5,0,21,2,0,3,0,41,52,18,0,10,9,0,4,6,1,2,1,0,1,0,14,13,0,1,7,0,0,7,14,8,0,3,2,6,25,7,18,47,3,18,0,2,2,1,6,6,1,5,11,116,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867753374492081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933517973858157,0.13192638686935276,0.0,0.08165419387838245,0.0,0.0,0.10395756165970108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979540479509385,0.0,0.14237409473724533,0.0,0.09936984326517688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011885553098715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753124268699847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200860490887995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713105201850984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495292346690008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361867331530453,0.1668530682450225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022272576600432,0.10795977730629487,0.18303573034032114,0.0,0.2654714929794421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654824083579374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835674282736048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34231225477921545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064519302627522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209971491524838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791292507290592,0.0,0.0,0.12411699063073732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205205364999772,0.1329530171900269,0.0,0.0,0.2373962603824821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191891994347396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039336299975812,0.0,0.0,0.11880564647888213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18611457959723154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763199693664372,0.13376929764855985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206949552346692,0.0,0.13354631268171896,0.13558875857205532,0.0,0.07482690299381105,0.0,0.0,0.06809444196436032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20663683189988635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859416478934935,0.11900719739681292,0.0,0.1276788816276395,0.0,0.0 bpd,ROClNANTE,2020/02/24,"Trying so hard not to read too much into this Found out the guy I've been seeing doesn't even have my number saved in his phone and I'm not sure what to make of it. We text each other good morning and good night every day, and text a lot throughout the day, and we see each other fairly often during the week. Everything else seems to be going well, we talk for hours and have shared pretty personal stories with each other, and he's always very enthusiastic about making plans with me. BTW I did not snoop in his phone lol he asked me to send him a text so I could hear his text tone and I saw it come up on his screen. But when I saw that I'm not even saved as a contact it was like an instant hit of cortisol and doubt flooded my brain. I know it's super early but I really like this guy and I thought he really liked me too, and I still think he does but I'm not sure now.",1.6064361702127667,3.1050548031914893,3.1148404255319164,93.65875,78.09574468085106,5.976595744680853,17.601063829787236,6.6274283507984215,-0.29954893617021305,685,11,159,6,16,225,113,188,0.037000000000000005,0.804,0.158,0.9579,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,3,0,0,2,12,13,0,1,7,1,8,1,1,2,2,44,27,17,0,1,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,3,11,21,0,0,5,1,0,3,6,1,1,0,7,7,21,12,17,17,5,18,0,0,5,0,23,6,0,4,12,98,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467616228585175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007711580373666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726734433400967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290710751912796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963243634487165,0.0,0.0,0.1932645899544682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311231318979446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516936104045495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19793149365440293,0.0,0.12624390718277556,0.0,0.13466359113197734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642882402562888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515566648091932,0.2513518798444202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29672383941277897,0.0,0.0,0.13422427888383742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16887688418089003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475589964500185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234634807760907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196079727669117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738582938419266,0.0,0.0,0.20003436116054815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014723676926426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140611620610988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083165290751306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524378213880636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987727765339498,0.0,0.19197849167727998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388009482983648,0.13640573125067065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965980589549867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824386890067848,0.0,0.0,0.1204330876235323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960093262538666,0.0,0.1189536264617331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172930392937024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363099417953448,0.0,0.0,0.12018998655823772,0.0,0.13472121467385592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,skeletongirl00,2020/02/24,"long text but i need your help:( for about the past 5 months ive had cannabis induced psychosis (not long lasting) about 5 times so i decided to take a break for about a month, well i started smoking again but only like few times a week ( i used to be an everyday smoker) so to get to the point ive started hearing voices again and thinking my boyfriend hates means having these weird delusions about the voices, i cant understand what theyre tyring to say i just hear women and men with different voices say random words and the sentences dont make any sense and i cant make sense out of it at all and i also hear this humming like thats coming from an air conditoning. a few nights ago i had an argument with my boyfriend and i was lying in bed with him and i kept hearing him say he never wants to see me again and then suddenly saying he can't live without me and i slapped him for playing in my psychosis when in reality he didnt say he never wants to see me again.. i feel like i'm losing my mind and i feel terrible id never want to hurt my boyfriend he means everything to me but the past few days i feel like running away because i think he secretly hates me and i dont want him to ababdon me psa i was diagnosed with BPD when i was 17 and my dad had schizofrenia(if that is neccecary info?)",2.9489047619047635,4.306728588888891,4.065026455026459,88.81833333333338,74.2222222222222,7.216931216931218,26.56084656084657,7.793537801064563,1.3788624338624342,1029,37,221,14,21,335,140,270,0.10400000000000001,0.81,0.086,-0.7186,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,1,15,12,2,0,12,0,17,1,0,4,4,52,48,21,0,5,6,1,3,4,0,0,1,12,1,2,6,18,0,1,12,1,0,2,11,6,1,0,8,17,38,6,30,39,4,38,0,2,2,0,25,8,0,1,31,136,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448480114725175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621778191962728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481271569419046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954501363157398,0.0,0.0,0.05809887885566621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003710337131253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209941228189532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061465782425105815,0.0,0.0,0.0967356248922532,0.0,0.09957658616241903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22340055802321496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565669474218303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457178205872653,0.1361761241264322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04979450202616477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18819385826131588,0.0,0.0,0.4296762204452609,0.0,0.06388295073041192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020291969247904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768874951170493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18625071981838895,0.0,0.08415871978896483,0.1686891810379053,0.0,0.10662528540345544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723767477048922,0.0,0.0,0.2076367288418972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623392179554804,0.0,0.15214789009116167,0.0,0.0,0.0706696824729882,0.22052224078201652,0.0,0.0,0.08944011193103399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248603706783964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181964561548242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009687661549977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789637784382969,0.0,0.0,0.15189629030826896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349190013903442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165976300303109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213905009068587,0.0,0.0,0.1111497352585902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921900061225124,0.0,0.08231552063021016,0.0,0.0,0.22486053680531035,0.0,0.0764503374902303,0.0,0.08569334787236592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187352147757824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dyllionaire777,2020/02/24,"I think my gf has BPD. Advice? She fits the criteria, but I love her. A lot. I want her to feel safe around me, but I’m often the recipient of what feels like criticism and attacks. I’m just doing my best to be loving and gentle. But it’s hard to speak my truth without potentially setting off a frenzy that throws my mind into a loop and I dont know how to respond. It makes me kinda shut down in confusion. I love her, but how can I uphold my boundaries and communicate honestly without triggering her reactions? She goes to therapy, but has never told me anything about having BPD. So I wonder if she knows. I’m afraid to bring this up to her. I want her to be able to better understand herself, but is that my place? I love her a lot and I know that deep down she’s a great and compassionate person. It seems like I’m the only one who sees her episodes. I think I hold them well, I speak calmly and gently. But it’s been hard. She recently started stripping and I think she likes the attention and validation more than the money, and I just wonder how healthy that is. I’m kind of rambling, but I’ve just been feeling low and exhausted lately. Any advice on how to communicate with her to avoid escalation? When we’re good, we’re really good and her light shines through so strong. But once, maybe twice a week something happens that makes me feel unstable in our relationship.",1.839148418491483,4.307442306569346,3.432583941605838,86.72014111922144,82.13868613138686,6.719026763990268,22.63698296836983,7.908726449838941,1.2848670559610698,1088,37,218,21,30,359,148,274,0.086,0.617,0.298,0.9976,0,1,1,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,1,3,14,26,1,3,11,0,12,5,0,7,2,65,44,29,0,3,15,0,6,3,1,0,1,2,0,1,12,15,0,3,15,0,1,2,4,6,1,2,3,11,44,20,28,39,4,23,0,1,2,4,32,14,0,9,9,148,56,0,0.10833189113597576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21172134046376825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736694008313007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914791592957283,0.09643835080569158,0.0,0.1232431654667598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368763620065322,0.0958107542120163,0.0,0.0,0.27288044909626136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269641695975384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21910343666990106,0.07739232467327642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18172730102618875,0.0,0.11943629242258536,0.0,0.0,0.0957975335599787,0.0,0.19408819181176876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281099405756845,0.17860912273386986,0.0,0.12220309180642484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877646986155838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18419979971743825,0.3910950452385419,0.0,0.14462475708836947,0.0,0.10883394544191953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938432809658903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355223289331161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536992848936392,0.07340849308511617,0.08239128483088473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945912287841012,0.11318376896941758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940018345831603,0.0,0.10696467324004977,0.11630790900154901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632649145814543,0.09862128502890652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339918241381512,0.0,0.0,0.0766778701272273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388695873191785,0.0,0.0,0.20824410476966604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351576444162894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277731920188913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779391234902926,0.0,0.08689730859033923,0.0,0.09740338026834576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20885615444506064,0.23496262961576064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jacobsjeremy,2020/02/24,"Amazing 10-Minute Meditation [10-Minute Meditation](https://youtu.be/G7hzPFM1rnI) This right here ^ is a mindful meditation I recently found on YouTube and it’s one of my new favourites. Short and sweet but really helped in bringing my level of anxiety down and allowed me to ride out my distress. Always struggle to find the right meditation in the moment and this one really hit the nail on the head so thought I’d share it and hopefully someone else finds it useful too.",6.770923344947736,9.566892085365858,5.815156794425089,74.23524390243907,67.17073170731706,9.075958188153312,36.10452961672475,9.606745405546679,3.8983846689895465,389,20,62,9,7,117,59,82,0.10400000000000001,0.7340000000000001,0.162,0.6592,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,2,5,0,1,1,1,2,0,15,7,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,2,1,5,4,10,4,0,15,0,0,0,0,2,10,0,1,3,37,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793764190256653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649149741786651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18008600315824236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940649359848783,0.0,0.0,0.2363678483913795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22124306803584293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449598226979676,0.0,0.0,0.21411551142344784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176702061901275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208204548487469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921596192799041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27620688458524056,0.0,0.21285519492940316,0.0,0.0,0.36820128306950334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18265676131477784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253667382316265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114318530194028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18618836283417936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lcdxii,2020/02/24,"my new therapist doesn’t believe I have bpd I started seeing a new therapist recently after a pretty severe psychotic episode and I’m slowly going through my medical history with her. At our second session I told her I was diagnosed with bipolar type 1 and bpd and before I could even finish my sentence she rolled her eyes and said “I KNEW you were gonna say that.” She had a little shitty disclaimer that she might be wrong but she was “PRETTY sure” I didn’t have bpd. Now this wouldn’t be too bad if it weren’t for the fact that I have been diagnosed multiple times with the same disorders, I have been through a psychiatrist and two other therapists that have educated and medicated me through my mental health journey. I have been hospitalized multiple times because of my problems, I have been through countless outpatient and inpatient programs, I have an extensive history of self harm and suicide attempts, and yet I get treated differently because I come off as “high functioning”. Yes I have the cognitive ability to hide my mental illness in everyday life, it doesn’t mean I’m not suffering through every minute of it. It’s at the point where I don’t even know what to do anymore. I’m sorry for the rant, I just don’t have anyone to tell.",7.026943942133819,7.4097790632911416,7.392733574442438,72.2119936708861,64.27426160337552,11.159614225437007,37.603676913803504,10.914260884657429,4.331448704038577,1006,49,176,26,14,329,137,237,0.147,0.765,0.08900000000000001,-0.9328,2,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,1,1,0,1,7,7,0,0,10,1,30,9,1,0,2,27,44,12,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,3,8,2,0,1,11,13,0,0,3,0,0,3,8,5,0,2,13,4,33,2,22,25,1,22,0,1,2,0,14,8,0,2,11,128,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970733553759307,0.07734950026333226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236478009295156,0.1348683338270733,0.0,0.0941312056702818,0.1246331540180858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179737487534546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529108961077053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883226950360461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245580776756513,0.0,0.11557648381887575,0.12678243808595355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146129624090167,0.0,0.09320383714429953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05779544850341554,0.0,0.06286905283366241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758605226305888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687825551439385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06079497844233736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813561611686529,0.0,0.11087234238604957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049982810244618,0.0,0.22288012821684589,0.22296198914927706,0.11735249965346375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21367890505882894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045735810353833,0.0,0.0,0.2250847616545154,0.0,0.10585034944309166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922591585777937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522688924588232,0.08797108375491597,0.0,0.0,0.08815144109442535,0.0,0.115402910215286,0.12497141434143842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383231350577892,0.07829884705836145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100255364226956,0.0,0.10425996058299072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668853607972197,0.0,0.0,0.38532213296336254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900919858442653,0.0,0.0,0.1057040968234515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806165600207893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094783156868155,0.0,0.0 bpd,chrisylove86,2020/02/24,"Constant Mood swings My boyfriends mood is constantly up and down It gets exhausting at times , some weeks are worse than others one minute he’s so sweet and affectionate and the next he’s irritable ,nit picky and passive aggressive does anyone know how to deal with this or be more understanding ?",6.789905660377357,8.924755867924526,5.6076886792452845,78.45794811320756,65.79245283018868,9.828301886792454,30.23113207547169,10.125756701596842,3.0804000000000005,243,9,43,6,4,72,47,53,0.163,0.6970000000000001,0.14,-0.1205,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,10,6,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,2,6,5,2,8,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,5,24,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996987947146652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6172662377361477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29444199440618096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499312783317542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492146861561166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695878936911695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037398046485321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19353056598154506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166536185603696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973206164267149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22909182040097065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910517237842159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,itstimetobeatbpd,2020/02/24,Free or reasonable priced DBT Groups? I have been looking for a while now for a DBT group that either takes my insurance or isnt hundreds of dollars. Does anyone know of any free groups or ones that are really cheap. I dont work at the moment so i am trying not to spend a lot of money. I know i can get the info online but i would love to try the group thing.,1.2584415584415574,2.9670813376623397,2.9519480519480545,93.49077922077923,79.77922077922078,5.9584415584415575,17.493506493506494,6.868970318607317,-0.15761818181818166,281,5,64,3,7,93,55,77,0.0,0.862,0.138,0.8779,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,6,0,8,1,0,1,0,12,14,6,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,7,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,7,5,8,12,2,4,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,4,3,43,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19137919706652656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967794654727783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24627761737531945,0.0,0.3298289460699852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703336704882342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30932852366425473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23632679626806966,0.0,0.0,0.23925815448440865,0.2539977755005977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907014079925041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028857621547265,0.2893525976783616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21159718056262464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186966799004212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821392949716105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20488133691067745,0.0,0.0,0.1999168164983836,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,platypusjo,2020/02/24,"I want to be emotionally stable for my boyfriend because he’s so good to me, but I don’t know how. It seems my mood swings only hit hard when I’m around him or they’re because of him when really he didn’t do anything wrong. I love my boyfriend. He’s my first relationship and we’ve been together 6 months (but we were friends who had feelings for each other months before that), and it’s been without a doubt the best 6 months of my life. He treats me with respect and, unlike what I’m used to, he never takes his anger out on me. He can get really stressed out and everything going against him but still he’ll try to stay completely calm around me so I don’t get scared or so he doesn’t “ruin our time together”. He’s always there for me and he’s everything I could ask for but I have these mood swings where I begin to feel like a complete child and it’s so embarrassing and he deserves so much better. Like I’ll know how ridiculous I’m being but I can’t seem to snap myself out of it and I need to. Like it’s stupid things, he went the wrong way and made us approximately 2 minutes late for a parade we marched in and my brain was like SHUN HIM. Then I got sad when he was talking to other people and not me. It happens so often and afterwards I want to cry. I’m literally tearing up right now thinking about how childish I can be. And it mostly only acts up like this around him. TL;DR: Please someone help me I love my boyfriend but little insignificant things he does makes me feel very childish and want to shun him then 30 minutes later I want to cry because I love him and I know I’m wrong. How do I stop this vicious cycle and just act like an adult?",1.9480422050757653,3.7536603515850175,3.2279334386910854,91.85683368969043,78.04899135446686,6.091252207864647,22.432741470670265,6.968188349444268,0.5021232499767594,1310,39,290,14,31,425,170,347,0.175,0.638,0.187,0.147,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,4,0,0,3,23,31,4,4,6,0,20,5,1,7,1,64,56,39,0,6,11,0,4,6,1,1,1,0,0,2,17,26,0,1,9,0,0,4,8,13,0,1,10,4,45,16,33,40,4,38,0,2,0,3,37,13,0,7,25,173,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782938265305922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743142459882339,0.25129108665013644,0.08796527904426832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720766647762808,0.0,0.0800671462973206,0.0,0.098745949790276,0.08321858243309907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050401311799595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19731174124500744,0.0,0.0,0.07512648004950985,0.0,0.2067158947511004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823423784847333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584319454859613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16913141455060787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273040815601895,0.06722084178838951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003639094820003,0.0,0.0,0.07269686602978911,0.0,0.09832056431639194,0.0,0.05347584379657034,0.078921664405893,0.07525564513178669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832070993388425,0.0,0.08428982906155391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306928988575862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513496502324692,0.0,0.10614224000959907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646144349381734,0.27581773787881136,0.09430700472747776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547707890077204,0.08903410980161823,0.06280854048488406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22531503185006715,0.0,0.06916998799389157,0.069769580757665,0.07257116842139948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312560181491624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523299939611309,0.0,0.0,0.1032870627183461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055817607317695,0.0,0.0,0.10102184658152792,0.0,0.0803558448250114,0.0,0.0,0.0942046060720483,0.0,0.0,0.17131946419448818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972562314878645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029178791934454,0.0751436675118902,0.0786668784529042,0.10778447034816302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074705088460129,0.0756292710495988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502387420958305,0.060291698085835975,0.0,0.0,0.05486702471941492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388371545045422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318361334312715,0.08126708884554361,0.0,0.077637484460777,0.2219965455178963,0.07468751457966886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722617072511142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070335187470276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086313722085036,0.0,0.0 bpd,princessmisery,2020/02/24,"I'm being too honest atm... But maybe some can help me at least feel less like an alien? I am usually extremely honest with my boyfriend. BUT! I have a very hard time keeping myself from lying socially, either manipulatively or just to shmooze them. At heart, most people I loathe.",2.9208333333333343,5.774645826923081,3.9015384615384616,82.5267948717949,81.11538461538461,6.5435897435897425,22.128205128205128,7.793537801064563,1.2931051282051278,221,7,40,4,6,71,46,52,0.196,0.6729999999999999,0.131,-0.7843,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,4,1,1,1,0,11,7,3,0,0,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,3,5,6,5,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,3,28,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139302098119785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036498380581266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016801541727115,0.22720392096496436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012914147302524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560323741096278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34054013899738944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23499857483647915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455364292923493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19765567632857686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733267032730074,0.2796851037215837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,deedeemegadoodoo-,2020/02/24,"BPD made me fall in love. After spending a year and a half with my girlfriend and while being very much in love with her, was scared to show it because of her confusing behavior and how she treated me though out the relationship. Over time I grew bitter and would retaliate to the bad behavior until recently when she jumped of her meds and all hell broke lose between us. Things ended and she had a mental breakdown after I wouldn’t take her back right away and I felt I was better off and used my bitterness to justify it all. That was until I went to therapy and explained everything to my therapist. He said based on everything I told him she was suffering from BPD and explained the ins and outs of the illness to me. As soon as he was done, everything all lined up and made sense and I felt horribly guilty for ever having retaliated to her behavior. Everything she’d ever done or said to me was lifted off my shoulders and forgiven and all I was left with was every bit of love I have for the beautiful person I want to spend the rest of my life with. She is still struggling a lot right now but is back on meds and working slowly towards trusting me again, given I wasn’t there for her when she needed me most. I just wanted to share my experience with the illness from the outside, to reassure those dealing with this illness that they are very much loved and can find love. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, you are loved.",8.469115795236789,6.663664501779357,8.251387900355873,74.4035696687654,62.345195729537366,11.777826444018615,35.85026006022447,10.560738912317856,3.5168859019983576,1139,40,222,22,13,367,150,281,0.106,0.748,0.146,0.9598,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,1,1,3,15,22,3,3,12,0,24,11,1,4,6,53,47,29,0,6,4,0,3,1,1,2,4,2,0,1,9,25,0,0,6,1,2,4,3,10,0,1,21,7,41,12,47,22,10,39,1,3,0,6,36,16,1,5,20,178,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784976717506883,0.14379708687556966,0.0780716510296533,0.05699896368995716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269638939017407,0.1020817802429378,0.0,0.2355291747886044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639816844438998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913734173367792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281649001874825,0.0,0.0,0.06175828603489812,0.16915882856812034,0.07878086691519846,0.0,0.3361402443266098,0.09146452210531496,0.0,0.0,0.04727826031795041,0.06679903388328996,0.17955635519821544,0.0,0.08546065191341988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159200093293423,0.0,0.0660444007805132,0.045681165563151764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460667900737218,0.0,0.079493468600182,0.5063442264223084,0.17695084914673287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077229762810482,0.0,0.09422969768467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137471898559556,0.06933177962462195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164378991438957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923235845704521,0.10038793881806993,0.0,0.15970323067609796,0.1778867868872329,0.0,0.09361347620100224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467214421448094,0.0,0.0,0.09775032797952324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030311616834846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692958492935237,0.10856495686069756,0.06211967737503549,0.0,0.09186687188863893,0.0,0.05452273648766685,0.0,0.0,0.0893467548052436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247339101377647,0.08075714134135452,0.0,0.15430062513750295,0.11030176334822836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667883023718302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807177860904874,0.0,0.0,0.06642231780651063,0.0,0.0,0.06021329184952394 bpd,altheaneon,2020/02/24,It seems that I don’t feel anything unless I’m making poor or reckless choices And after those choices I feel worse. So. There’s that.,1.91,4.431124444444446,2.7792592592592613,91.1666666666667,82.33333333333334,3.6,23.814814814814817,3.1291,0.1290592592592592,108,4,20,0,3,34,22,27,0.319,0.6809999999999999,0.0,-0.836,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,6,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4108059008341097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5048294384589733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332254209147085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4544604931619917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5087359127447639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,witchmould,2020/02/24,"I can't go on living like this. Things have been getting worse and worse as the days go by, and every day I feel less understood and more lost. I feel like I will truly never be happy until I wake up in another world. I don't belong here, I never will and to be honest I don't want to. I feel so trapped and alone in this fucking turmoil and it never ends, and nobody ever tries to understand.",1.8631497418244445,3.3814061927710877,3.8198278829604138,88.7951807228916,77.43373493975903,6.1886402753872645,20.290877796901885,6.868970318607317,0.3399239242685028,306,7,65,3,7,104,53,83,0.242,0.637,0.121,-0.8817,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,1,1,1,0,9,2,1,0,4,17,20,10,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,5,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,3,3,9,4,10,13,2,15,0,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,10,48,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19829340989572744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20076107738379684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469499673454487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957552690005254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731853008847684,0.16131216154854394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904217228665204,0.13677809050599715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17700042734273433,0.1000292371151989,0.0,0.2176207142932627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20381128219271066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18707404088307386,0.0,0.16906148660063894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20899972202918896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4429941181210825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127196612888909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998784872775598,0.0,0.0,0.19931519615079007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292726625788142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3902254213869856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,natpughhf,2020/02/24,The girl I have been talking to has bpd and I havent heard From her in a week. Hi I'm a 25 year old male without bpd and I have been seeing a female with bpd for about a month. Everything was always perfect and she always wanted to be around me but then she got a stomach bug last friday which was also her birthday (she turned 24). I havent heard from her since last saturday when she called off dinner with her family and i. Is she just isolating or splitting or what's going on. This is my first experience with bpd and I would just like to be in touch w her again and continue seeing her and being in her life. She made me so happy and I made her happy too so I dunno what's going on. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated,1.699843317972352,3.4908850903225823,3.5730184331797226,89.16524193548386,78.74193548387099,6.235023041474656,19.45852534562212,7.1686216300943375,0.3007235023041481,579,13,125,7,14,195,90,155,0.0,0.828,0.172,0.9838,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,10,5,0,0,6,0,17,3,1,2,1,26,29,17,0,3,7,0,1,1,0,2,1,2,0,2,4,12,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,9,5,25,5,18,14,0,21,0,0,2,0,22,7,0,4,13,92,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443504580230365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183364689858504,0.21191394328920699,0.0,0.0,0.08659547730607653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335948065810085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6415204269435905,0.0,0.1300282432732874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444486295958595,0.12456282607846182,0.12004469514124927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831522716444608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474036372741308,0.0,0.10184532562359044,0.1403926546611401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711113159620453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535322970144346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20759797744075487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994391506694642,0.062211827604067675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409841252034465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164146820912794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362177120551474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029467770233541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533685518511687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235096281790787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850921045370146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510835375203162,0.0,0.10214436155420252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275108917946614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809171781630053,0.0,0.0,0.08200270036537011 bpd,butherletus,2020/02/24,"Extreme Empathy vs Apathy? I hit these moods where I’m so over empathetic. Like reading any kind of story with a sliver of emotion will make me cry and I feel so fragile. I have options about everything and I can’t bear to hear about suffering of any degree. These moments feel really strange to me because most of the time I feel so apathetic to everything? Like no concern for anything in life and just unconcerned with emotions at all. I could be told the worst, most heartbreaking news and I’ll answer it with a shrug. Does anyone else have this often? Do you have one you prefer over the other? As much as crying can be annoying, I much prefer it over feeling so disconnected all the time.",3.2690688259109346,5.755007751879699,4.4586466165413565,81.31843840370159,76.74436090225564,7.701330248698671,26.772122614227875,8.617729084823388,2.268216194331984,553,22,100,12,13,181,87,133,0.214,0.718,0.068,-0.9666,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,0,9,8,1,0,6,0,10,1,0,1,2,25,19,10,0,3,2,0,5,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,7,0,0,7,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,6,11,3,20,13,7,9,0,2,0,0,4,6,0,4,5,73,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322060955149784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937920122811095,0.17493425602898682,0.14049720269007754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407613435399724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631494383054965,0.0,0.3750803386942646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940799423349946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262398176317706,0.38409916477464334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068843270608942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3453072304710149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242643287004407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777902369618668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059247193248568,0.16682124785491328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396437930585082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510141037336845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156918568943392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077736865528648,0.0,0.10937475700244692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199109432196144,0.0,0.0,0.1631409459965774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,canarish85,2020/02/24,"Splitting Does anyone else have the ability, at the drop of a hat, to decide that they don’t like someone anymore, and lose any desire to talk or spend time with them, for seemingly minor reasons?",16.928378378378376,8.190262918918924,14.467027027027026,57.24216216216218,54.94594594594595,16.962162162162162,53.21621621621622,11.20814326018867,6.074372972972974,156,6,27,2,1,49,35,37,0.113,0.7090000000000001,0.177,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,6,3,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,2,2,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22030197678716767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212784514092396,0.2265183776463739,0.3319323924336207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283497092567258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706246367047509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582691039657434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624251954000855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.333081913991343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949184301757977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744878491697245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603844927738827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18890202435255027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gaysunflower_,2020/02/24,"Should i mention to my psych that in my opinion i most likely have bpd? I have been to the children psych ward for three weeks & was diagnosed with ocd and emotional disturbance. I turned 18 in january so they cant give me a diagnosis of bpd, so i think thats why they gave me this diagnosis. When i first heard about bpd i didnt really know what it meant but i started researching it & i realized that i can relate to most of the symptoms. I have been wanting to get any explaination to why do i feel and act the way i do and stuff. I have read peoples experiences who have bpd and watched videos about a lot of bpd behavior being explained and i finally felt like someone understood me. I have always had problems with my relationships, there has always been someone who i was fully and entirely dependent on and this is one of the soooooo many things i experience that a bpd diagnosis would explain (i dont want to self diagnose! at all. thats the last thing i want to do! but i have talked about this with so many of my friends and most importantly with my girlfriend who supports me in mentioning this to my psych cause she does think i most likely have bpd too). i really want to mention it to my psych but im so scared she will judge me. ive had very bad experiences with psychs and im kind of very scared of them. but i just want to have a right diagnosis & i feel like that my current diagnosis is just not right and i just really want to hear her opinion about it. and i just really want to get the right diagnosis. i feel invalid with my current diagnoses & i cannot relate to it at all.",3.2542153846153847,4.845045821538463,4.643153846153846,84.03734615384617,73.86153846153846,8.692307692307693,27.26923076923077,9.265573868473778,2.220230769230769,1272,48,268,30,26,423,139,325,0.09300000000000001,0.848,0.059000000000000004,-0.8297,2,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,3,1,15,12,0,3,10,0,32,4,0,2,2,60,60,20,0,10,9,0,4,4,2,3,4,2,0,2,22,17,0,0,13,2,0,1,5,5,0,3,13,7,50,7,38,43,7,19,0,0,1,0,25,9,0,8,12,188,72,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566179632087167,0.30121981462152697,0.0,0.04726347074206042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058030932217162524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6127438178866764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139728743675376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21162798045907652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06082131779033709,0.0,0.08145535659784603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817994439859652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20395770087733986,0.0,0.0,0.10542629047825308,0.04965195632894709,0.06673243450244651,0.07613560467146796,0.0,0.059118024742929536,0.0,0.0,0.05369676310697216,0.0,0.07262343397963993,0.06667226697124927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833335347879125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501473072601386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237522033377586,0.03819626127600514,0.05665307957251441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581988275817874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059087774207466824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092742568738334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04709608230820565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048183657792001566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650364400276168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952040728254309,0.0,0.17809801645527146,0.0,0.0,0.07461870725340985,0.0,0.17806195780411566,0.0,0.0,0.13916645082784135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250532566230407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777695885877355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04919358961016447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956270292943829,0.0,0.07886959109867961,0.0,0.07223877321712856,0.0,0.05586275273323602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234754842659816,0.089067636783836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559778200246765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469219621113474,0.2869569073737365,0.0551671343822391,0.055749990576525486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254287659243399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04937194194692263,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DinoCookieNessy,2020/02/25,"Does this group have a discord chat? Hey all, Just wondering if there is a discord group and if so would I be able to get a link? Feeling pretty alone and anxious right now and my mind is in overdrive and I could use a lending ear/eyes. Just something. Thank you.",2.087924528301887,4.150763075471698,2.5704150943396264,95.51373584905664,78.62264150943396,4.994716981132076,25.69433962264151,5.6839178017228535,0.5054332075471692,205,8,44,1,5,63,41,53,0.174,0.6970000000000001,0.129,-0.3736,0,1,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,1,1,16,11,7,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,2,8,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,1,29,5,0,0.2895014270530569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29983616936475155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270542092649144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311433325563479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25334464972981985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638062006262909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125254690446427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923139137435966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945270289546919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472326368943873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22287234230548467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665340182870669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500362818879907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139519483349638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20565350757676815,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AffectionateMistake7,2020/02/25,"Take medication or he is leaving? My favourite person, who I adore to pieces cannot deal with my constant lashing out and my emotions being all over the place, especially when I'm feeling suicidal and self-harm- he says I give him anxiety because he worries I'm hurting myself when we fall out and I lash out and don't talk to him for a bit. He wants me to be more healthy and said he thinks I should take mood stabilisers. I tried sertraline before but quit after 2 doses because couldn't sleep, felt dull and emotionless, felt like a zombie and thought I felt better without it. I spoke to a mental health professional and they think I should be on mood stabilisers too and I'm meant to have an appointment about it next week to decide about it. But I worry about the side effects and about not being myself on them- feel like my crazy moods make me who I am but then don't want to lose him :/ I worry that I won't be able to sleep on them, gain weight and that it will effect my academic performance. He said he is not abandoning me if I don't change and get the help and that I'm simply 'forcing him out' with my behaviour. Should I just go take the mood stabilisers even though I really don't want to?",5.7978306878306896,5.6510292798353925,6.087104644326867,82.33601851851853,66.90123456790124,9.576601998824222,29.70282186948853,9.23628265651192,2.2379784832451497,957,30,198,16,14,307,132,243,0.098,0.77,0.133,0.8927,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,1,0,3,7,10,12,0,0,8,0,20,6,2,3,1,51,46,22,1,8,9,0,6,2,0,5,3,4,0,1,9,20,1,1,12,0,0,2,10,4,0,0,8,10,34,4,26,27,4,19,0,4,0,0,26,10,0,2,9,127,43,2,0.11895792610507837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100248786822288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145031295252209,0.0,0.10122443345016376,0.0,0.0,0.10520861862661517,0.12987124547400478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584171256106647,0.0,0.0,0.12855125754211086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264039838932905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381165556909125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857058827348318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029740344896107,0.08498356617838553,0.34265479246447056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062150606582566666,0.11411528228366795,0.06760653079199892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644671272629038,0.0,0.0,0.07973499034277062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734692024183444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595926757669995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623366779599573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308349105252518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940533939857454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983759554230802,0.11988161031109824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651310396099866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386947265384618,0.12428571387587425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652639723330672,0.0,0.0,0.07620749355469915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263124576338103,0.09460011746029956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409906068727257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23808767219328697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012066350626522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268324667803353,0.09561387495710832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524468714752059,0.11687555841585914,0.09443930559814316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076462322199814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21049340073109246,0.0,0.09542087289000467,0.1448587065441054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467119574180312,0.0,0.0,0.3624226449445597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RainbowSkittles,2020/02/25,"How do I stop being so manipulative? Last night my boyfriend and I had our first fight. I thought I had things under control with my symptoms and coping skills and such, but within minutes I was having a full BPD meltdown. I was sobbing, threatening self-harm, and basically insinuating that our relationship was ruined. We ended up working things out, but I feel extremely guilty for acting in such a way. The intention wasn't to be manipulative, in fact I felt out of control in the moment, but I recognize that it was and that I can't keep doing that every time I get upset or things don't go my way. I don't want to continue being an ""emotional terrorist"" as he calls it. Does anyone have any tips or advice on how to work on this?",6.643933566433562,6.433428104895108,7.637194055944061,72.14502185314689,65.15384615384616,10.506643356643359,32.560314685314694,10.125756701596842,3.1496440559440555,581,21,109,12,8,197,92,143,0.213,0.774,0.013000000000000001,-0.9841,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,3,0,0,6,5,4,1,1,5,0,17,1,0,7,1,28,24,14,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,9,0,4,3,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,9,2,18,0,17,12,1,23,0,2,0,0,7,11,1,2,8,84,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308093425889096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204485924210014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384736688655902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230781411411344,0.0,0.1808607027118264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3973133121318984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550000878483337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19923767997814607,0.1568769445721297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923237738766845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089557876960093,0.0,0.1700642732843861,0.0,0.0,0.15065933066694998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253859547647153,0.0,0.10066214552897512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743359499162093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437754112610626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621638937180808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19016204514472293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18477619781060795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808138039411933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18409690222939715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530146658785909,0.0,0.0,0.1406145680366831,0.1032808841326191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447076186802227,0.2811813681862186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578929060471049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,puffpuffcutie,2020/02/25,"Bubbly tantrums Its not that I want to be upset about honey ham, I just dont like it. I don't care about it and I hate seeming entitled because I swear I'm not. I dont think the person who buys the groceries in the house shouldn't buy the ham if she likes it. What I have a problem with, what I cant get over and have been trying unsuccessfully to explain to myself and my nparents (why am i trying,) is that it feels spiteful that when I put oven-roasted fowl on the grocery list and honey ham is the only thing that gets brought home. These people demand for me to rely on them to save money but I end up spending way more than i would have if i just got my own groceries because they won't actually get any of the (healthy) items I put on the list, and wont allow me to use fridge space for myself, because even though their fridge usually is barely filled, they start stuffing it full of random shit to prove how full it is. I give up. I cant deal with this. Im freaking out over fucking honey ham",5.721883116883112,4.628829119047619,6.184025974025975,84.72915584415584,67.33333333333334,8.398268398268398,30.04329004329004,6.574015621080383,1.4278095238095243,785,23,172,4,11,255,123,210,0.145,0.8270000000000001,0.027999999999999997,-0.9547,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,4,0,8,12,5,1,9,0,19,2,1,3,1,29,36,11,0,6,7,0,1,2,3,4,0,0,1,1,17,8,0,0,5,0,4,4,10,8,0,0,3,4,27,4,25,28,5,21,0,0,0,1,13,12,2,4,6,118,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.15200168843616618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592381167020164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28485404304895084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881020531730722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058425303579354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651048776712509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795930361870787,0.0,0.0,0.10287963341758027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875817809100398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399988101354833,0.2441383638228136,0.14942154140202152,0.0,0.0,0.1245774655495381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378317808820854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624244385767802,0.0,0.0,0.17972896161106108,0.0,0.0,0.16825018187732746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15219533665714685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118464367012804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079860749413707,0.13600576888529567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904363458991224,0.0,0.3131685811103819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180029027243995,0.0,0.0,0.15988792312188466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024946834069699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348165479771723,0.09980629264500014,0.15303582255800166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21150496675083136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452875120846894,0.17155033976400028,0.0,0.09187273244731932,0.12363698774006406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140551389595393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064917997915903,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,grimegeist,2020/02/25,"I wrote a song once... ...when I was in a band. It had come at the end of Robin Williams’ death, and my band was working on a thematic EP revolving around comic books - we were binging the hell out of comics at the time. To cut it short, I saw a lot of parallels between Robin Williams and Deadpool aka Wade Wilson...and myself. Punk is not for everyone, but it is often uplifting and insightful and can really spark a shift of mentality when you listen to the perspective of its lyricism - sometimes for worse, so be cautious. I’m no longer a part of the band and we don’t make royalties off of Spotify - so this plug is all for you, my friends - but if you wish to give the song a listen, it’s called “Wade, Meet Robin” on our Bagged & Boarded EP....if you search the band name, weird stuff comes up, so make sure you search “Bagged & Boarded EP”. We have a couple other songs that deal with death (“Condolences”), coming to terms with an abandoned father and living to make others think you’re ok (“3 & Out”)...you know...your typical Pensive Punk Rock. We are all too familiar with how we feel and what makes us feel these ways. But I wanted everyone to know that we - internet strangers - have something in common. And it’s not that we are challenged by the same “thing” individually, but it is that we are taking upon this challenge together as individuals. Much love",5.306472824871396,6.00732585171103,5.563681503019461,82.72855065980765,68.04942965779468,9.07796913442183,29.15880116305077,9.168548406835145,2.2241918586445992,1061,36,214,19,17,337,156,263,0.10300000000000001,0.805,0.092,-0.3178,0,0,1,0,0,0,55.0,10,5,0,3,9,10,2,0,17,1,16,1,0,5,3,52,37,20,2,3,7,1,2,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,19,24,0,1,5,11,0,3,4,4,0,0,6,8,22,6,33,30,7,22,1,1,1,1,30,12,1,3,6,137,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44187486753685895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101598729420088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388105886203434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513024632034457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041572830774144,0.0,0.0,0.14014882677460774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120403054342409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597942069676774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137471340429619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502739830208467,0.0,0.0,0.13040664527473364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941883698626887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003807230027175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557186760230392,0.12269173163478413,0.0,0.3629657210023564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699618769676974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999320091268856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447723409158273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721046167130172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708705249977296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465374319467674,0.13444876518116056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561950492087576,0.0,0.0,0.12812244081409174,0.0,0.10221044039106324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090312918224693,0.08710527062577006,0.0,0.0,0.07926807816577662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351984740286668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018130932302102,0.10790334948878393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632502273909293,0.0,0.0,0.0989664021886738,0.0,0.13853512200713713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MarilynSparrow_,2020/02/25,"I am manipulative and fake. A while ago I had a colleague at work who was very highly strung and didn’t fit in. When the office bitches started complaining about her, I joined in. I was so completely fake. It’s disgusting and I am very embarrassed and ashamed at this. She eventually left the company and I swore I’d never do it again. I left shortly afterwards. Recently a similar situation has come up. Basically the same thing happened. This person was in the wrong and was fired but I didn’t need to jump on the bandwagon- I didn’t need to give my opinion. But I did. Initially I was supportive of her and then she did something that affected my job and I turned really nasty. I would be devastated if someone did something like these two examples to me. I know that I do these things because if someone else is disliked then I won’t be disliked? Makes no sense, I know. I crave validation... Having a mental illness doesn’t make these things okay but I will admit that I have borderline personality disorder and that manipulation *can* be a common feature. (Can be, not definitely is and by no means do I mean that all BPD sufferers are manipulative) I don’t need judgement. I need advice. I don’t know how to not get sucked into drama and gossip. I want to fit in so badly. I am in my 30s... I feel evil and toxic and....need help...",1.5305477855477891,4.1894395000000015,3.7304195804195857,82.35033799533802,86.69230769230771,7.3053613053613065,24.417249417249426,8.296473431620573,2.043679487179488,1050,43,203,27,33,358,144,260,0.265,0.6629999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9948,1,0,2,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,0,1,6,16,4,2,10,1,36,1,0,7,2,45,58,24,0,8,7,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,16,14,0,0,7,1,0,2,12,13,0,1,12,2,35,3,18,39,2,29,0,1,0,0,12,16,2,3,12,148,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431925035719125,0.11277406840496232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062245299081122,0.07755296632468496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023086191723002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958994530327834,0.1333891859549942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458067119602493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627712994364624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432694724542372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646791495552229,0.12204233063887532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250143733415938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527380259824005,0.13441636234073745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624757914353688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097526134738422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27645278149495184,0.0,0.0,0.062153935181380626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698425047275177,0.0,0.0,0.27716273630077,0.0,0.0,0.12820921817236544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.377332135349412,0.09812096349109883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22216958625042205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150126731004577,0.0,0.12561575477253828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430021502441436,0.0,0.0,0.2155885079006235,0.1958824521964036,0.0,0.0,0.09004794048934582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436930303222892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535606756170855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383803180217242,0.1242767924999252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209941907896038,0.07503846021682775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261867255771038,0.0,0.0,0.0903744110871169,0.1390965965475096,0.0,0.0 bpd,Catharsistar,2020/02/25,"Diagnosed, finally. Years and years later, finally diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder. I don't know what to feel. Happiness, sadness, it's all so mixed it feels surreal. I'm finally getting the help I've needed for years. Thank you to all of those that encourage us to push through and get the help needed. My medication will take weeks to work but the feeling alone of knowing that this is real and that I did the right thing in seeking help is honestly hope-inducing.",4.13816091954023,7.0233041954023,5.405287356321839,73.52678160919542,76.01149425287356,10.30344827586207,32.6551724137931,10.25414643259724,4.431151724137932,383,20,64,14,9,127,62,87,0.067,0.73,0.203,0.8979,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,4,0,5,3,0,0,2,14,17,5,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,5,4,9,15,2,11,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,8,39,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928291550829746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121928235068617,0.0,0.0,0.17625982430392625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332867177454236,0.0,0.0,0.5054173461893829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607007366725704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637152503364096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092521310224281,0.0,0.0,0.1527509096389573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16904095520773202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493002356408478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22807076226725634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428590396048193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17504982778220446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313381747664888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563301404558556,0.0,0.0,0.1415917085815624,0.0,0.0,0.10217307450802099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184993751510349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233632735908383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196295926853844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971124809956134 bpd,court__lynn,2020/02/25,:) Well I accidentally just sent my brand new therapist (have seen him once) a text that was meant for my fiancé... during an argument... I’m going to crawl under the nearest rock now.,1.3641176470588228,4.059276588235297,3.3737647058823548,82.98594117647062,91.94117647058823,6.249411764705883,18.564705882352946,7.554174236665415,0.9946070588235298,140,4,26,3,5,47,32,34,0.066,0.795,0.14,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,4,1,3,3,0,6,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665380941147082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4529539220002604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4994595483371514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5445340874467988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4216787593816077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dndnnjr,2020/02/25,"How to deal with guilt for my never ending romantic interests **As a disclaimer I have not yet been officially diagnosed (as I’m afraid when I see a therapist they’re going to call me a fraud and say that I’m being a fake person), but I’m working on trying to see one soon.** How do other people deal with the perpetual intense interest and love of new people constantly without feeling dirty and self-harming? I have emotionally catapulted myself into 7 people in less than a year and I just want it to stop. My ex (who I proposed to and we were engaged before quickly breaking up a year ago tumultuously - as was our pattern) committed suicide 2 months ago and I’m the last person mentioned in her note that was discovered last week. I don’t want to love anyone else again and maybe I never will, in the ways I loved her. But since the news I talked to a Bumble match that left me crying because after 5 days of chatting they deleted their account and I thought I was into them for real. Now I’ve been talking to someone (even went on a date and kissed) for 2 weeks nearly every hour of the day and she’s great,smart,cool, everything.. but half of me doesn’t want it to be real because I feel so fucking guilty and feel like I’m being a fraud about how fucking broken I was after hearing the news and note that I self harm whenever I can’t stop the thoughts (punch my head). I’m even still on Tinder and Bumble swiping daily (just for validation - I don’t actually message anyone since talking to the new girl) and not to sound vain but I’m a good looking guy so I easily get matches daily which makes things even worse because it’s like it’s so easily attainable. I just want to know what to do because I plan on having a big open talk with the new person next week about it all (she doesn’t know the ex but knows I have intense bpd symptoms) and I just want to know how to feel since I love my deceased ex so much, but also can’t help but pursue others (I never interest multiple people at once) who I have an overwhelming intimate connection to. TLDR; My ex committed suicide 2mo ago and I’m in the note. I love her still but find myself falling for new people. Not sure how to feel.",3.527338235294117,4.991321356818184,4.904331550802136,82.95061497326205,72.93181818181819,7.5401069518716595,26.804812834224602,8.124751697461798,1.7257647058823529,1727,61,337,26,34,576,211,440,0.126,0.7,0.175,0.9736,0,0,0,0,0,2,42.0,2,0,3,3,27,22,2,3,23,0,24,11,1,6,7,75,63,38,2,5,16,4,5,2,0,1,2,3,0,6,16,23,0,2,12,1,1,3,13,8,0,2,10,11,45,14,51,49,3,58,0,1,3,8,40,16,2,0,39,219,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.06917514240976863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18851020778216915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05668802637183919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913118421660523,0.07263174733037495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284736940874768,0.0,0.06031931594944905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927925098486554,0.0,0.0723831926701081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660328297316872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786565366625255,0.09143204662540427,0.14616204184050732,0.0,0.0719484550307576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921669798600551,0.07973793732285701,0.06278452938754296,0.0,0.0,0.14045988631990633,0.0,0.059725057810270016,0.0,0.06370834794943081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921209433364546,0.05064143511703356,0.0,0.0,0.06478911156850534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310671266692567,0.03703534756506638,0.0,0.04028651534114505,0.059456356704382186,0.0,0.07815277908851759,0.0,0.07018892577903131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275015110343487,0.0,0.07989440358431862,0.0,0.047513825573345984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980906873108254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558297904160824,0.1155641576071799,0.0,0.0,0.07701854988866516,0.0,0.0,0.06926327066282656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05952693061718626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198898347099238,0.0,0.047317387630665016,0.0,0.07121516519752329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056581045713207774,0.0,0.05210984221330699,0.0,0.16401645765827289,0.2738510634002218,0.07538875377678518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754919660666084,0.048034626887138505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457193794751269,0.18568645903840925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613690477680437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563719072505569,0.0,0.0,0.11297496061824255,0.0,0.14790046623102807,0.0,0.0,0.17591450193099634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06006202636622869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322033647655395,0.11852882275926517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507697392943345,0.0,0.06680982633231043,0.07367836873481948,0.0,0.22790400839451086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230486130159255,0.04709393876527096,0.0,0.0,0.11255215995307218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04812738051099494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20905390644021785,0.056266521260554654,0.1705829783534866,0.0,0.0,0.06571263238845633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833219856603455,0.0,0.05160632361471261,0.0,0.07223954978856666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129735372246044 bpd,phatpeeni,2020/02/25,"Today I am going to the hospital, because man am I sad. I've been to my doctor multiple times this past 6 months to try and get help and therapy and he has literally said ""I can't do much until you go to the hospital"". but that's easier said than done. But I think enough is enough. I have people who are going to sit in the waiting room with me, and it's really going to suck. No matter what going to the hospital in general isn't fun, tack on mental health, poor healthcare, and just random crap; let's just say I'm very apprehensive and really don't want to do this.",4.683025210084033,4.446445873949582,6.608067226890758,77.96487394957984,69.25210084033614,10.49747899159664,26.243697478991603,10.290406445055957,2.3719378151260493,445,11,94,11,7,157,78,119,0.17600000000000002,0.77,0.054000000000000006,-0.9455,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,2,5,2,1,4,0,14,3,1,0,0,17,27,9,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,6,7,0,1,1,0,1,5,4,4,0,0,4,3,8,1,14,22,3,15,0,1,0,0,8,4,2,1,5,60,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838226926525177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18198086323534746,0.0,0.18194616099363145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674198218226536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928906242741133,0.0,0.5052253868136337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18898792350402047,0.0,0.0,0.1191723369520247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818075802560292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17917568682117296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419143873065632,0.0,0.13069988787105236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972558244582756,0.12326076603218925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22780024330919815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382477923636267,0.1413898343150937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20332424163488128,0.0,0.0,0.11392394892521884,0.0,0.0,0.1036737779870523,0.0,0.16852900703254076,0.0,0.0,0.12071123168183776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669961363171308,0.10486818217140773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,marinarahhhh,2020/02/25,"Currently seeing a specialist and doing a “skills” class as well. Feeling like giving up everything My whole family is complete shit. Over and over again they will suddenly become part of my life then ostracize me. My mom drank herself to death and I have no one left other than my sister, who works with my dad to put me in place. My dad and sister hate me and think I’m so fucked up that I don’t deserve a relationship with them. I don’t do anything that actually justifies their abandonment. I have no one - I can’t meet people - I can’t even go out and have fun. I can’t even be at home and feel ok. I’m broke and have no one and nothing. I know I’m borderline but honestly at this point I feel like saying fuck it to getting help. I don’t want to go to skills class tonight. I don’t want anything anymore. I’m getting help from BPD specialist for myself but I initially went there to appease my dad. This is all useless, I want to run away from everything. My heart is so broken, and I’m so fucking sad and lonely, and I have nothing. My friend I’ve known for 17 years had severe BPD and hung himself a bit over a year ago. Honestly it’s taking all of my distress tolerance skills to not follow that path. I’m broken and have no one.",2.3003957219251348,4.036118200000004,3.8771212121212137,87.9102272727273,76.80392156862746,7.303030303030304,24.532085561497325,8.150884317080207,1.3898235294117645,971,33,206,17,22,323,133,255,0.21600000000000005,0.6509999999999999,0.133,-0.9826,1,2,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,3,4,8,19,5,1,5,1,21,7,2,0,2,32,49,21,1,3,3,6,3,2,1,1,1,1,1,0,9,17,1,1,6,0,0,6,12,11,1,4,3,5,33,8,28,44,5,27,0,5,1,3,19,13,4,0,10,134,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.11113850572700604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095506409461873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294654365639205,0.0,0.0,0.18744065557119716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700176206573367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578062698782433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433647478010845,0.0,0.2868765340043043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940966578645575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044423315828814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047108353313932,0.0,0.1073637085316166,0.0,0.1727559670593692,0.1627235804861443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798978126254324,0.3158635624123351,0.11900382258932762,0.1092519892752416,0.12945063674579987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244107084936164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495812739904545,0.15267378979329932,0.0,0.11423920299918446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625900050628239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237399194234018,0.0,0.08044264071875604,0.11128009477208776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338454470793065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185576994482042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086945090054176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233298789784336,0.0,0.07895577431923384,0.0,0.11898898383898658,0.0,0.10766121041806596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448914976977738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227336154772378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056850941767693,0.0,0.0,0.09075419197045084,0.0,0.0,0.12866130816639476,0.11690465443101412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856297922080334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297499350723241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20152272595722015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023992163023346,0.1055755509367736,0.0,0.12715216657775402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291200412178015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668060109568054 bpd,kikoinei,2020/02/25,"Getting a psychologist Okay, I guess I messed up my last post because I made it seem like I wanted a diagnosis from reddit. I’m not very good at typing things out in a manner people will understand. I’ll try to make this one more simple. How do I help my Mom understand I need a psychologist very badly, when I’ve told her several time already?",2.1337888198757757,4.461346188405798,4.3296480331262925,81.57782608695653,79.8695652173913,7.421118012422363,22.900621118012424,8.418075326091056,1.6357229813664604,273,9,53,6,7,94,54,69,0.128,0.763,0.10800000000000001,-0.3217,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,3,0,11,13,2,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,9,3,6,10,1,8,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,4,29,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320517748279895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755769580195934,0.12818615365455507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986383581919154,0.0,0.0,0.17637483757649258,0.0,0.0,0.2316496886153469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094781000126502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714081610228252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273332230826283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19897422049116675,0.14036508492097655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462801177602492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559216796369832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424927456855433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578328725994005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139234011076249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19143313118430866,0.0,0.2375591729595897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970223304903162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261731485315235,0.0,0.0,0.2009337731524188,0.0,0.14276789549708738,0.0,0.0,0.43782263301602536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470098816262306,0.12402996361331735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,polipioo,2020/02/25,"DAE feel like never going to school/work/college again ? I loved my first year in college, but now that I'm on vacation the thought of going back makes me so depressed... I've always had that feeling about going to school too, which makes me wonder if when I have a job I'll go through the same things. Although I love seeing my friends, the constant need to study, write essays and research is too much. I cant bare the constant feeling of evaluation, bc it's kinda like someone is always demanding something from me. I swear that if I didn't care about my parents I would leech off them by living in their house and being happy. But I'll keep on going to college to get a job that'll make me equally stressed, anxious, unhealthy and depressed until I die/get old and miserable.",7.157205882352944,6.402135071895425,6.830841503267976,80.1525367647059,64.29411764705883,8.695751633986927,35.46486928104575,7.1686216300943375,2.4472751633986927,618,25,117,4,8,194,99,153,0.155,0.691,0.154,-0.0237,3,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,1,9,11,0,2,6,0,9,2,0,3,1,23,30,12,0,4,4,1,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,5,0,0,5,3,4,0,1,3,4,17,7,18,24,3,21,0,3,1,2,7,5,0,4,13,77,24,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167326995908923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471290189348027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014304284281694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278374852254954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28147656723313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22434325097712665,0.0,0.13516386357708635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197552910900815,0.09304025077812048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077823018994698,0.0,0.0,0.10061960645311717,0.0,0.13608532290387726,0.0,0.37007911423268297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863808696604552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027425468721606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25847723048146604,0.11575927590018505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725295121059174,0.0,0.11500031219953046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350852054172689,0.0,0.2607995765413346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573806066770828,0.09656795597431334,0.10044562861089383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366602251271625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461108485876553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636105112918447,0.10378081351049688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034809701663413,0.10026163291036176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918429886297674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652266395539945,0.0,0.0,0.1033924212796517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412348193133266,0.09481297833983973,0.0,0.0,0.09251554620953438,0.0,0.0,0.08386737723847967 bpd,birdsonpsychedelics,2020/02/25,Can someone just tell me Ill be okay Im really struggling to believe it right now.,1.105882352941176,3.5459963529411773,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,85.47058823529412,5.752941176470588,26.14705882352941,7.1686216300943375,1.4726705882352946,66,3,13,1,2,22,17,17,0.28300000000000003,0.625,0.091,-0.6115,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4542901059519885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4355460690719482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583126277523261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443471045780871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416464297245901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4215323919097768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524314669403741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AskingRddit,2020/02/25,"How many people here struggle with discipline? I wonder if this isn't the biggest barrier for a lot of us(self-diagnosed.) Just a thought.",3.649066666666666,6.7552608400000045,4.652000000000001,76.55266666666667,80.6,8.133333333333335,36.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,4.248333333333335,111,7,17,3,3,36,24,25,0.106,0.831,0.063,-0.2335,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,9,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,14,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441914358822047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883008069646669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438062365191569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23509749030600616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537676647673879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545133824679137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692169660163693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4079098567759569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677523853374255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,holdmyipa,2020/02/25,"Self harm relapse after 12 years I was a cutter from the ages of 14-19. I'm 31 now and relapsed last night. I've been very self-destructive after finding my dad cold, hard and dead on his couch last October. I've gotten into 3 car accidents, stopped going to the gym, eat a lot of fast food or nothing at all and drink like a fish. I've been turned down by 2 guys recently, and I just feel depressed and worthless most of the time. I bought razors from Home Depot last year but never opened them and almost forgot they were in my closet. It was only 1 small cut on my inner forearm, but I'm not going to lie, I really enjoyed it. I'm wearing long sleeve to work and can feel the sting, and I like that too. I don't want to turn this into a full-blown relapse or make this a habit, but I can't say I'm not going to do it again.",4.431292134831459,3.711059432584272,5.604808988764045,86.58260674157303,69.84269662921349,8.243595505617979,26.22696629213484,7.1686216300943375,1.0555420224719103,641,15,146,5,10,215,115,178,0.10400000000000001,0.836,0.06,-0.3386,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,2,1,4,7,1,0,9,0,9,5,2,1,2,31,25,13,1,1,8,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,3,2,6,11,3,2,3,2,1,4,5,4,0,0,8,5,13,3,20,17,3,31,0,2,0,0,7,10,0,5,19,80,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835175418461864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620350314466306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491443964346452,0.0,0.16181403003279696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991803277000086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445347104707975,0.0,0.19122036090228253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696193707434753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658087941215182,0.0,0.0,0.14166004098414242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862469690465805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867092399367352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451588282588127,0.0,0.0,0.1399466147387924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444275477896905,0.0,0.0,0.1055579364474134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196530479774866,0.0,0.0,0.1484012289299607,0.0,0.15173709165057045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202706117969158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013068620119519,0.0,0.15614159577246428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257572004908703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299435745865215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220993979706522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221118439751863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440161422193954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304799090598208,0.09327353040850822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151259040529986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20367059012799216 bpd,el_j_,2020/02/25,"once again i took it too far ok so recently i’ve rly been struggling n in true bpd fashion i’m exhausting every unhealthy coping mechanism. i have a history of SH so i’m trying everything but that bc i rly don’t wanna relapse but fuck me nothing else is helping. in the last 4 days i’ve spent an insane amount of money to the point where the bank tried to cancel my card. i’ve only just about stopped using sex, drink, drugs and binge eating as a way to cope n i am in desperate need of some better ways to cope before i completely ruin my life. i went to my first counselling session on campus on friday and it was helpful but i can tell it’s gna take a while for me to feel comfortable opening up and i leave uni in 2/3 months. i’m a bit scared what i’ll do when / if i finish or how to help myself between sessions, can anyone please give me some advice as to what i should do before i Lose It :(",2.008868421052629,3.5559240315789467,3.8223026315789497,88.80924342105264,77.10526315789474,6.434210526315789,22.927631578947373,7.1686216300943375,0.7771842105263159,706,21,150,8,16,238,129,190,0.205,0.6890000000000001,0.106,-0.9611,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,9,10,1,2,8,1,11,7,0,2,1,20,23,15,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,4,2,1,1,1,3,2,1,6,0,1,5,1,18,4,24,17,4,25,0,2,0,2,5,11,1,4,10,88,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809759309912754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597063752919858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579239385467787,0.0,0.0,0.13403790152405473,0.16545858541713884,0.0,0.19087796074992805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15890232066737914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774030591950196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846600304497398,0.1757554484630871,0.15507839250401506,0.12660458537929709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769145254621864,0.0,0.13620767877404846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663065881663546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891243247119644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010996723203473,0.0,0.14538517061432593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30475195634444163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353738688724622,0.0,0.16047464669607125,0.0,0.0,0.10704763476754008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955105105489104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096959263991099,0.0,0.0,0.11237596125226648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542091468604734,0.0,0.0,0.16140091204662654,0.0,0.11526425205008375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16636165549299387,0.1432682695208595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964207782537564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173279023286226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670659603883475,0.0,0.15843797936382684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395034573210687,0.0,0.13246557217888413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683829553227203,0.20579151699495807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308946840158273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405942863146953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049281470724365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thatcatinthecorner,2020/02/25,"I’m really struggling and if someone can talk to me I would really appreciate it My FP broke up with me again. She blocked me over the phone but still called when I sent our code word for wanting to self harm over Snapchat. Context: I’m relatively popular on a well known social media platform (won’t disclose unless asked for privacy) and I get a lot of comments and dms from mostly female fans who want to flirt. I made the mistake of following one of them, completely innocently and just out of pure curiosity. My FP found out and in the moment when asked I panicked and lied, which made everything worse. I feel lost without her. Part of me is in denial and thinks that we’ll be back together soon, because that’s what usually happens. But I can’t think of any world in which I go on after losing her. She’s the only person who’s ever loved me truly and I know every single day that I need to work so hard to deserve her. I don’t have any friends that I’m really close with that I can talk to, and I really need someone who understands right now.",4.19778830963665,5.308706345971569,5.331071090047395,81.89572195892576,70.84834123222748,8.659842022116901,27.810742496050548,9.029198982220553,2.15424524486572,833,29,166,16,15,276,133,211,0.14800000000000002,0.735,0.11699999999999999,-0.7059,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,0,1,3,11,11,0,1,6,0,10,1,0,2,2,41,34,16,0,7,6,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,12,14,0,1,7,0,0,3,4,6,1,1,5,2,28,5,30,25,4,29,0,3,0,1,24,14,0,3,12,113,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18469864166093264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25391116247691525,0.0,0.0,0.10442256843058738,0.0,0.0827830148122191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866798046073156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238474013323935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758039530475246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283975799229885,0.11441817974507172,0.0,0.12204916117613365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866505407863109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889876131947125,0.10491949757109904,0.0,0.07095040523999806,0.0,0.07717882447680269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200883550248584,0.0,0.1216510009092852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463266517926358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192655615333778,0.14824280780968566,0.11545313392711762,0.1225656833107915,0.2569963349795025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20138940668613764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202225622986332,0.10328276205076564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470592238354622,0.0,0.0,0.11857617458752948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479903317015801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597329192274472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167003557669033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843199371635484,0.2301274533866649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845083525012733,0.0,0.0,0.1419686661856611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183033617141306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740315646697117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137360580989108,0.0,0.0,0.1495655897917236,0.0,0.16019786883737874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210138691058167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309072952719696,0.0,0.09886472827013627,0.0,0.13839279685033604,0.09646911738163963,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,The-DesertMouse,2020/02/25,"Psych today Due to insurance, I’ve been trying to get into a psych for over 10 months. I finally got an appointment but I’m nervous, because 1) I have to bring my 1 year old to the appointment and the last time I had to bring my son the therapist said she wouldn’t see me, and I know that’s obvious, but I had to take the only available appointment for the next 3 months. And 2) the last time I was prescribed anything from kaiser, I ended up in the ER from a panic attack. I’m just going to be getting a script for Prozac so I can be a better mother to my son. I have been on Prozac before, and I had no bad side effects but I’m still so nervous I’m considering not even going. I’m afraid. I don’t really WANT to take meds, but I need to be a good mama. Please send me encouraging thoughts?",2.2099408284023667,3.320342301775149,4.2823668639053265,87.51455621301778,75.68639053254438,7.566863905325444,23.650887573964496,8.139509932561175,1.1548130177514797,615,18,138,10,13,212,96,169,0.126,0.764,0.11,-0.4244,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,5,9,1,4,13,0,14,2,0,1,1,18,34,10,0,3,6,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,0,0,5,4,6,1,0,9,2,18,3,20,21,0,25,0,0,1,0,7,6,0,0,14,81,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178102864550074,0.0,0.0,0.19600618355687668,0.0,0.0,0.14385600734832502,0.10502715430361513,0.0,0.14660717430370526,0.0,0.0,0.15237762033845462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259891957676766,0.0,0.0,0.11379675378303215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887366562388027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003014690751268,0.0,0.19583418955407086,0.14450973645204693,0.13779706150889573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468677191393582,0.28088074824614184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913767520489128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750424835093951,0.0,0.0,0.12775178784631833,0.0,0.0,0.18323371197967328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18079069719689694,0.0,0.0,0.13103526866489762,0.0,0.2021466739966091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891240678297166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037419435222533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388844467949087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729382936963005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759202457180647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590831745644203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20004343479288209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678001708712414,0.20092884106784134,0.0,0.1633119711022373,0.0,0.0,0.1169744575563382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162185037388988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094992408296736 bpd,readituntilistopped,2020/02/25,"Anyone else so bad that they ghost people they only knew over the phone before they can do it to them? I don't know why but certain people I feel will do it to me eventually, I stop talking with.",6.396341463414638,4.69779704878049,7.083048780487808,80.7933536585366,66.3170731707317,9.175609756097561,27.81707317073171,7.1686216300943375,1.3416243902439025,153,3,33,1,2,51,32,41,0.168,0.77,0.062,-0.5493,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,7,8,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,8,1,4,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,23,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347007909762557,0.3439226250173472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802614997170215,0.0,0.0,0.2856213466299127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280400279007047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971943036900536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844695761346124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552840273324508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4654077981757571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806262093500149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26979023533086705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028803148815725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,YuukiAliceMS,2020/02/25,"Does anyone else personify the moods? It’s something of a coping mechanism/ explanation I’ve developed to deal with various different mood swings, but sometimes I personify them to make sense of them. Oh that’s a such and such mood or that’s a so and so mood. Anyone else work like this?",3.020969696969697,5.773773309090912,4.7195454545454565,77.55265151515152,79.54545454545455,8.757575757575756,25.53030303030303,9.2995712137729,2.686212121212121,232,9,43,7,6,78,38,55,0.0,0.927,0.073,0.5588,1,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,1,4,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,25,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653431976758761,0.535361602550503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26933657741930483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729499352340298,0.0,0.0,0.22862104039087855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4364805680267447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763322150048514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438594968141596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20112248996207827,0.2583822575295827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19019261636679802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway75783175,2020/02/25,"Advice on making amends, and addressing the possibility of BPD I had a confusing roller-coaster like relationship with someone for a little over 2 years. They would withdraw suddenly and sporadically, then be extremely happy and affectionate. There was a powerful visible fear they had I was going to abandon them. Always over analyzing my honest and good intentions as something to get something from them. They would talk themselves down all the time, and talk about being sad and wanting to die. I did everything I could to show them how worthy they were of happiness, but they ran away each time. I didn't know what BPD was, they had a horrible abusive childhood. We started talking a little again, and they started doing the same things they used to and I got upset and said something I regret and blocked them. I was really, really good to them, and did whatever I could to make them happy throughout our time. This person has such a beautiful sensitive, and caring core. They love helping people, and are so cute and funny. The problem is I was treating it like a normal relationship. I am willing to learn how to love someone with this issue, as I seriously love them already. I really want to make ammends, and learn. I am almost positive they have BPD but I don't know if they know.",5.7218267419962325,7.654429864406782,6.323333333333334,73.0797645951036,68.15254237288136,9.312241054613937,31.75517890772128,9.725611199111238,3.3614574387947265,1032,44,169,24,18,336,133,236,0.125,0.615,0.26,0.9918,1,0,3,0,0,0,28.0,2,0,18,1,7,23,0,3,11,0,27,3,0,7,1,49,47,24,1,10,3,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,1,1,5,19,0,2,5,1,0,2,2,8,0,0,15,1,36,15,24,25,3,19,0,3,0,3,31,7,0,3,12,131,41,2,0.0,0.11867047019727198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787292348966284,0.0,0.0,0.10029344649316392,0.0,0.11052648794592806,0.0,0.08333921132993766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410143521003794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3784352667197526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211742759805573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993551151505045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394785661863297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001526253322714,0.0,0.0,0.1127052329304573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052328252754646254,0.0,0.05692191638465575,0.16801501625069148,0.0801052444531903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198591310822321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713358014459253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453859376136276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513212098125138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786396435162946,0.20076861088928186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27118864368588635,0.0,0.2005680828519509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813325868015783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943672270551424,0.08745382092613224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291273266524116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583737099121904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924907191000912,0.0,0.0,0.2150637258202946,0.0,0.0,0.09527288739213244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972655062175376,0.2313188207180639,0.0,0.0,0.14178423960236916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415088423454008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665403106205874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520824198123325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650407562876272,0.0,0.0,0.118151186634128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229828118073234,0.0,0.0,0.06449826065525532 bpd,WeatheredTiger,2020/02/25,"Can a Minor Stroke cause Borderline Personality Disorder? I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder with element of Histrionic Personality Disorder in 2014. I had a minor stroke (TIA) in 2013, since i recovered after a few minutes, I just stopped drinking coffee, stopped smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol and weight loss stuff. Nothing else happened so I didn't think much of it. Recently however due to stress and other elements my behavior has devolved to that of a toddler but with adult rage. I was never like that as a teenager or young adult and then I reflected on my life events and noticed that my shift in backwards maturing happened after my minor stroke. So is it mere coincidence that my mental health devolved? Is it just my inability to deal with stress and emotions? Is there anything I can do aside from psychotherapy and pills? Because been there, done that got on Epillim and that shit made me worse and the government therapy was inconstant at best.",8.432902711323766,9.872765719298249,8.276236044657098,63.414258373205755,61.39766081871346,12.300053163211059,41.86124401913875,11.911945987284742,5.8038491228070175,802,45,119,26,11,258,106,171,0.198,0.77,0.031,-0.9799,1,0,4,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,2,2,6,0,14,12,1,2,1,24,19,15,0,0,4,0,4,1,0,0,8,0,0,5,11,13,4,2,2,2,0,0,2,5,0,0,9,4,15,2,20,10,3,17,0,1,0,0,6,7,1,1,11,88,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892216761396342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697253455155306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924206080269043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364188322828137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353783485561976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401628785198855,0.0,0.13193938369347016,0.0,0.0,0.4469470949527106,0.0,0.0,0.1330271902407556,0.0,0.2546858063422224,0.0,0.0,0.10859183332423047,0.14622376954263733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396666651515793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22990341079412585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817566864768685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181736093999876,0.06350764057366251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230017972207772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100159985300547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555925089772288,0.0,0.1002580265263865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473105679493572,0.14799702279430416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405126205319788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835165112559951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343516268922706,0.10753092130376407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173586606979201,0.29781133533774395,0.0,0.14881001037847186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865745132961308,0.0,0.0,0.08329377626815483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829552389786375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247319450185105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,domxxc,2020/02/25,"Job I cannot hold a job for my life, I just started this job a week ago, and I already left early today. And I feel so overwhelmed and angry constantly. My BPD has definitely gotten worse over the past year, I seriously feel like I cannot work. I keep quitting jobs and I feel like I’m just not mentally there right now. I’m very self aware of the consequences of not keeping a job but I don’t really care and I can’t control it. I feel like fighting someone 24/7, I have an attitude, one of my new managers asked me if everything was okay earlier and said I sounded agitated, I said I wasn’t but I really was. Idk. I stopped taking my meds last April after being on every med in the book for 20 years(25 next month) and I just wanted to quit them. They make you feel weird to me after being on them for so long. I think I’m going to try and apply for disability again. This has been my 5th job in the last year. I just started working again last year after not working for three years bc of my anxiety, BPD, panic attacks and ptsd. Idk. Guess I’m just venting.",0.7791780821917804,3.07917078995434,2.859276712328768,90.1655178082192,85.39269406392694,5.878429223744294,21.545388127853883,7.24861992348623,0.7686217716894981,829,28,176,13,25,279,121,219,0.14800000000000002,0.774,0.078,-0.9339,6,0,0,0,2,0,25.0,0,1,3,6,11,11,2,2,8,1,13,1,0,2,0,34,37,14,0,2,11,0,5,3,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,9,0,5,6,1,0,1,8,6,0,2,7,8,32,5,20,28,0,35,0,1,0,0,9,7,0,2,30,104,35,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009227661672627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970652545367056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911961966023802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446764067663448,0.1027893165261832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22759229487275576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212066793482164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763924301742856,0.10133831135250608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612610331347658,0.0,0.08120324124818719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284253696598628,0.19364410498732612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05134955982365925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953375961628304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5379670791682427,0.1606193820287488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22094869366102907,0.0,0.0,0.09816854601470944,0.0,0.06381883157627519,0.13242539459043315,0.0,0.0,0.07995935580406124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060311173757900086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20072311174203689,0.0,0.0910543382172019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211871682454085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726326565951824,0.0960911930285137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612253734546544,0.0,0.0,0.10600950480790904,0.0,0.0,0.08625193999428142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105617549847937,0.0,0.0,0.1922025794813501,0.0,0.0,0.11576459266450845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716076957512613,0.17189234451122015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425764147589108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655560650769352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790430744310793,0.0,0.0,0.07553895917238444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679340364514134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05789440498603585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564385870648622,0.0,0.0,0.061343598069435436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455049551051249,0.05329240309924763,0.0,0.07247553991442145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19733367202099775,0.0,0.0920771889077657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327368791773001 bpd,often_consistent,2020/02/25,"Positive thoughts to posters who found their posts downvoted to zero points I'm sorry if this feels off-topic but I thought it was relevant in a sub for people who struggle with self-worth and a long history of rejection. It shocked me to find so many support/venting/suicide posts in new downvoted to zero points. There were 30-50 of them. I upvoted them back to 1 point but they still show 50% upvoted. I wouldn't have the nerve to leave my post up if that happened to me. I would delete it and never post here again. I am so impressed that so many of you hung in there and left your post up even after you saw zero points on your request for support.",4.436098388464803,5.371695595419848,4.769109414758269,86.79546225614929,70.14503816793894,8.264970313825277,29.82273112807464,8.515128840125781,2.04960491942324,517,20,107,8,9,163,85,131,0.099,0.815,0.086,0.061,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,4,4,0,10,5,0,1,3,0,6,0,0,0,1,16,14,10,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,3,0,3,6,2,16,2,20,6,0,23,0,1,1,0,11,11,0,2,7,74,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613115220633256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257323321105002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321287499528144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426421932803606,0.0,0.0,0.13707582281172548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055303569531083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237604815304774,0.13583246109958574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106370271102485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534973307788243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642161590406667,0.12074319748347158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667176440537369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4727298108545746,0.0,0.5986635979748339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042107618864246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399474550877818,0.0,0.0,0.09983956444496016,0.0,0.0,0.13069599477143448,0.0,0.13674943931793831,0.2837379697473962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985007106807396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880922530065367,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lilillgrill94,2020/02/25,"feel so lost and alone. My story is probably similar to many of yours; sexually and emotionally abused from aged 13-16 by an older guy, he indoctrinated me into a cult - type family sorta thing. got out of that then spent 7 years doing all kinds of drugs during this time i encountered everything that comes with drug use; i got raped, i would always try get the most high n just put myself in danger during all this i tried with diff medicines n CBT but it didn't seem to work. But I didnt understand it, I wrote down how i felt during an episode before and it just reads 'think loud stare into space but with background thoughts not clear. the pressure in my head is uncomfortable. my face muscles are clenched. doom is heavy, spacing out is empty. i just want to be still.' (i managed to get off drugs and have been for (1+1/2 years properly) I payed for a psychotherapist who said I exhibit all of the symptoms for unstable emotional/borderline personality but finances ran out, I can't afford it now Im hyper aware of why and how I'm feeling this way, but with no coping mechanisms. me and my boyfriend are at our wits end. it's getting worse each time I have a melt down. I'm worried I'll start properly harming myself again soon. I'm on a waiting list for a sexual abuse survivors charity, my GP assured me it's less invasive than psychotherapy but until then how do I not ruin my relationship with my boyfriend that I live with? im just feeling so alone and well just insane.",3.666726804123712,5.520880041237113,4.7504338487972495,82.60028994845364,73.32989690721652,8.148969072164949,26.9016323024055,8.841846274778883,2.068932302405498,1176,43,231,24,24,385,181,291,0.17800000000000002,0.752,0.071,-0.9855,1,2,3,0,2,0,31.0,1,1,0,2,15,10,2,1,10,0,16,7,2,4,5,56,42,21,0,2,13,0,4,0,0,1,4,2,0,2,14,20,0,1,8,1,3,3,6,7,1,0,12,7,29,3,35,28,6,34,1,3,1,1,9,15,0,3,15,143,43,6,0.0,0.2812793060443867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458740399006428,0.0,0.0,0.09876760195777094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010046434797566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224922186428637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4129616625349232,0.0,0.0,0.13352110852609747,0.10513264129433483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667957469393874,0.0,0.11189944826491964,0.0,0.1800543001243604,0.0,0.11397026050547827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18604697440998924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18986987691928175,0.0,0.0,0.11753129678193755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182006641883973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254126773869028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256431941232516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360739986609386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481394899600023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957466922488806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203427953566468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364393947432944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797827858304506,0.0,0.0,0.11932591437808952,0.0,0.0,0.1187317529701079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743898177341878,0.0,0.0,0.1129105311791377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805968616547457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401620988163541,0.0,0.094793678778256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337436605659086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885876058392417,0.07605793076894983,0.0,0.09423424826687236,0.13842941897792976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117851582406845,0.0,0.0,0.12357050220921065,0.0,0.10251837008154396,0.0,0.0,0.07001211786201451,0.09421824220505563,0.0,0.0,0.10672522366919844,0.0,0.1071079545790705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641474519328664,0.12054523726440755,0.12096506494946327,0.08432081232021935,0.0,0.0,0.15287734149887308 bpd,Tommymyshadowyfriend,2020/02/25,"I think my partner split and I’m not sure what to do. Hey everyone I’m not sure how to go about this situation and I just want to make sure I go about it in a way that doesn’t make my partner feel even worse. My partner has difficulties opening up, so two days ago when I noticed something was off and asked, and as a result got an “ everything is fine”-type answer, I wasn’t too shocked. I decided I should just give them some space and I’d ask later when they felt comfortable. I sent them a text just to reassure them that they have me if I’m ever needed, but that I wouldn’t force them if they didn’t feel like talking about what’s going on. Then they stopped talking to me, just generally, about anything at all. I see them and talk to them everyday normally, and I haven’t seen them nor talked to them since then. They’ve started to push me away and won’t even see any of my texts. I’m not sure what to do? Do I wait it out? Should I call them or would that make them feel too overwhelmed? I just want to make sure they’re okay without making them feel too pressured. I just really miss them.",2.9460102301790267,3.997839913043478,3.7951662404092055,91.95047314578008,73.78260869565217,7.324808184143222,24.398976982097192,7.724431198458867,0.8930741687979542,860,25,199,11,17,275,120,230,0.10400000000000001,0.8340000000000001,0.062,-0.782,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,16,0,21,13,0,2,4,1,16,0,0,7,7,58,48,20,0,10,14,0,5,1,3,5,0,0,0,3,10,10,0,2,8,0,0,5,11,4,0,1,7,8,38,9,24,36,2,26,0,2,3,0,30,9,0,4,12,129,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983033188590646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541362435005461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125861439946167,0.0,0.20734706929217248,0.0,0.1041911906962007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132380281068226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151925940058414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649257622981374,0.10031250128508462,0.0,0.10596664131674208,0.09966688991761083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242910092979802,0.07922469349049112,0.10647831546263488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638231211111336,0.18907561499744951,0.0,0.08869429867843097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054178573096614835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.370122363549418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222856934589581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865531483087564,0.0,0.126256737695084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104332743434791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674077771287428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173497593954688,0.12465264552221605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537377177886417,0.0,0.0,0.07849332325884882,0.0,0.0,0.09271468740163144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5225945908817566,0.0,0.0,0.35653857692979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105818930248217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833005612631057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081960748103094,0.08802471514367237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069005543467422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301330968729295,0.07877790236222527,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Slight-Function,2020/02/25,"feeling invisible, irrelevant, ignored I'm really struggling recently, mixed messages from my fp we will chat for hours but my questions get ignored most of the time. They respond to statements, they'll start conversations but disappear later, i don't believe the reasons they give i feel like i'm being used for when they want me, i'm just hurt. I thought I was doing better, i write a journal and its just full of crazy thoughts recently that i'm irrelevant, worthless and boring but then another message comes through and i'm happy again briefly all for it to happen all over again the next day. We sometimes talk in person and its fun. I feel like i'm slowly losing my mind, I don't have anything going for me i feel like i have already cut everyone out and that i will just retreat into nothing sooner or later. I just want someone to know how i feel but i cant talk about it because i want to be strong not an emotional wreck like i was before. I really thought i was doing better i'm sorry",4.722397959183674,5.995212974489796,5.643469387755103,79.5372448979592,69.76530612244898,8.048979591836735,31.857142857142854,8.418075326091056,2.530748979591837,797,35,146,12,14,262,113,196,0.15,0.642,0.209,0.9312,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,0,4,4,9,17,1,1,5,0,15,0,0,3,2,44,41,13,0,3,10,0,5,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,10,0,2,12,1,0,3,4,8,0,0,6,5,28,9,17,30,4,21,0,3,0,0,17,5,0,3,17,94,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966123223537197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270836364607205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414744397939248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714931802688597,0.0,0.1076925637981447,0.14258888744579398,0.0,0.22386266808081792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901955068171926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162021865975112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236207369245996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093274605191545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199606891861896,0.2712417687266837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612196222151957,0.12140712374278367,0.07192651400783709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119158889556518,0.1347246294195541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463532567762553,0.0,0.1354842488636207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955363046598323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24732174353488315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415873802614076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277887212939761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134597152636364,0.0,0.0,0.12143697262572142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050661810778332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177527649530122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215413772756188,0.1301239434041804,0.2499238977800181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723320555743156,0.0,0.12517029202787278,0.1416726709015606,0.08957925825033702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230716231167874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20344699353394224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014216211401496,0.07379769147845483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930652027598332,0.0,0.0,0.22394369832143465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,valentineotne,2020/02/25,"Do you think this is the true reason for developing Borderline? Interpersonal psychotherapy expert Lorna Smith Benjamin lists four characteristics she has observed in families that produce offspring with BPD. Two are relevant here: 1. Parental love and concern is elicited only by misery, sickness and debilitation. 2. Family chaos—The borderline individual is subtly blamed for problems or expected to exert control over them. (The other two characteristics: 3. Episodes of traumatic abandonment are interspersed with periods of traumatic over-involvement, and 4. Efforts by the person with borderline disorder to establish autonomy are interpreted by the family as indicated disloyalty). [psychologytoday.com](https://www.google.dk/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/matter-personality/201506/why-patients-borderline-personality-dont-get-better%3famp)",12.993566433566434,17.751949786324786,12.15818181818182,26.83909090909094,55.410256410256395,15.536596736596739,48.24320124320125,13.023866798666859,9.477929914529916,723,44,63,33,11,234,92,117,0.18899999999999997,0.754,0.057,-0.9432,1,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,1,1,3,1,4,0,0,4,0,8,2,0,4,1,17,10,5,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,3,2,15,10,0,3,0,1,0,1,6,2,0,1,1,41,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20931846347057245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085855305875705,0.0,0.0,0.24331276313428485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166760923108237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22140949344015326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264141899951914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5463596527441246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009324411919906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435916794381573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692772044885286,0.0,0.0,0.21451174170379927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868378309952212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848542479895303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19862881898925167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378668315676745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37743203044420987,0.0,0.23238065153675275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dillweeddd,2020/02/25,"Wacky energy at night Someone pls tell me wtf is going on!! Recently been having bursts of energy from about 12am-7am where I don’t sleep and do hypomanic things like rearrange the furniture in my room, pick blackheads out of my face in the magnify mirror, or play the same song over and over and feel the need to break out in dance around my room. (tonight’s obsession the wombats-Greek tragedy Oliver Nelson remix) is this hypomania or something else and anybody have similar experiences and know how to make it stop? It’s killing my ability to wake up for class and I feel dead for most of the day :( I take lamictal everyday, don’t know if that affects anything though.",5.0183333333333335,7.00369511904762,5.150984126984127,80.57457142857146,70.03174603174602,9.484444444444444,30.853968253968247,9.888512548439397,3.1540215873015867,539,23,100,14,10,169,91,126,0.174,0.738,0.08800000000000001,-0.9458,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,1,6,0,8,3,3,4,0,25,16,11,2,2,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,5,9,0,1,5,3,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,3,8,2,21,15,2,23,0,0,0,0,1,14,0,4,7,62,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20474178495711395,0.22148538052057448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045587504090816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078410676139819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433748352810111,0.0,0.0,0.2516022289824071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139917698432725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752611224830332,0.0,0.27346872679219403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155145939072932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660764057493748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844825737618019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334826119091109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24566068536950894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24898039068016564,0.0,0.21080803401037745,0.19153894169391464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20800853393696533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18706717012649585,0.0,0.2174627866855948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529213623891328,0.0,0.24444543413166786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,3DPK,2020/02/25,"Lost I have been with my fiance for over three years and per her therapist's advice we checked her in to the local mental health facility. She's been diagnosed with bpd which is why I'm posting this here. She has been having an increasingly difficult time, more and stronger thoughts of killing herself, and as I've learned about a month ago she's been hearing voices that have been getting steadily worse. Voices taking about how worthless she is and that they should just get rid of her. I also just found out that she had a cutting incident about two months ago, she was super scared to tell me this today. We had talked about admitting her about a month ago but the place we went to was not very open with the intake process so we decided to wait. After admitting her I had to get ready and go to work. I just got home after having a pretty terrible day, trying to not let my emotions get the better of me while there. Now I'm home, alone with our dog, and I have no one to talk to about this. It's 3am and this is the only place I can think to turn to. I'm scared. I just want her to be okay but don't know how to handle her being at the hospital. I'm typing this through tears right now. I don't know if I want advice, comfort, or what, but I know I really needed to just tell someone. I miss her so much already and have no clue how long she is going to be there. I will admit it's been a struggle working through getting her diagnosed and figuring out the best way to not have us at each other throats bc one said something that set the other off. But even through all that I still love her with all my heart and just want this all to be over. I know she needs help that I can't give her, but all I want to do is help her live the best life she can. Fuck...I I'm just rambling at this point.",3.4785784615384614,4.2403714106666675,4.163533333333337,90.90117692307696,72.22666666666667,7.262564102564102,24.823076923076925,7.321109707123232,0.8435784615384616,1409,39,317,14,26,449,182,375,0.09300000000000001,0.7709999999999999,0.136,0.9694,0,1,1,0,0,0,32.0,6,0,1,7,26,17,2,3,15,1,37,7,2,3,4,68,76,25,1,8,17,0,0,0,0,2,4,4,2,0,19,23,0,1,13,0,1,4,8,10,0,4,17,4,51,7,48,52,10,39,0,3,0,1,42,15,0,2,17,226,70,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833853329668843,0.24953227305972786,0.0,0.0,0.09718284298757164,0.10354721240019517,0.07503833475256944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19694420008116867,0.08298779435503206,0.0,0.0,0.11817956543269315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051461799698415,0.0,0.0,0.1904773405979848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055496621820002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061975909455997916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288320382795728,0.0,0.08674723354763725,0.2451197356948171,0.09001330596814576,0.1066550810696459,0.0,0.07504694047477549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974024875129954,0.10575677766046168,0.11119273246232074,0.12578876270489062,0.0,0.188244596759082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381247599837054,0.0,0.20627297731207564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959507514734,0.06627712758310317,0.0,0.0,0.08285638900553978,0.08303938344209053,0.0,0.0,0.1024299656811057,0.0,0.08468807978409988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456174364151128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246901711321849,0.0,0.06897816054235018,0.13915218094008294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271675393469843,0.07136433752584738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19607133710222807,0.0,0.08870265464775777,0.0,0.08986621814325448,0.09546204539346237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601119175024499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801329959077816,0.08925681155814258,0.0,0.1878867014416845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950452201005946,0.07223734179380324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493527339969876,0.0,0.0,0.0980947799090426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055084980276127,0.15083906044976722,0.16402861486353634,0.0,0.0,0.1089475173046552,0.0,0.060124492580553385,0.0,0.07449303844417257,0.054714863329326,0.0,0.08894285291661788,0.0,0.0,0.06370654829045791,0.10206352042650213,0.09166135134813763,0.0,0.11286972397096508,0.0,0.0,0.07742217430647265,0.22138088787774388,0.07448038550535062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698426849954806,0.08466982148082036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662329894321196,0.0,0.09562399445436012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060425471030801224 bpd,suicidal-cowboy,2020/02/25,"fear of being manipulative when expressing feelings/emotions? I am deathly afraid of being manipulative, especially in the context of attempting to express how I feel to someone. No matter how calmly or rationally I attempt to do so, it just feels as though I am doing something wrong. I am not sure if this issue is something other people with BPD feel or can relate to, but it is becoming an intense and painful problem in my life. I find I cannot communicate in a healthy and honest way with people because of it, and end up feeling misunderstood and alone.",7.731003236245954,8.164334543689325,8.633155339805827,63.74287216828482,62.78640776699029,10.361812297734627,40.467637540453076,10.125756701596842,4.485849190938511,450,24,70,9,6,153,71,103,0.20600000000000002,0.7020000000000001,0.092,-0.9147,0,1,2,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,6,8,0,2,3,0,11,2,0,4,1,24,15,14,1,2,6,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,4,8,3,15,13,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,2,58,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078956500066238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223630901578602,0.2216904152815804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25281229502899105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257941314817549,0.17778712065439015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258769552259495,0.4059802954495783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834635014052684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950987499390503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178147187177148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213590776977036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783216909771657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920714149068256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700778015298547,0.30906338331538524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18918556483435256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972161176223406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933005951841728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21946664570813326,0.0,0.0 bpd,Fleshsandwiches,2020/02/25,"Because BPD is exhausting. Mentally & physically. From the constant regulating of emotions to the suicidal ideation. The feeling of ever ongoing suffocation to the brief moments of mania. Never feeling whole, only an empty shell of a person. The overcompensation to feel like I’m a valued & worthwhile human being. Hanging onto any shred of validation, but even that isn’t enough. The panic & paranoia; the crippling loneliness. Never being able to truly express how I feel because it’s too much & there’s never the right words for it. Always feeling like I overshadow people with my problems but I can never stop it in the moment. I try so fucking hard to be aware & do my best to be there for other people, I swear I do. It’s the never ending cycle of wishing I could be better, get better. But therapy is expensive & building a solid foundation for myself seems almost impossible. I’ve dug a hole so deep for myself I don’t know if there’s a way out. God, the fucking stigma behind having any mental disorder. The shame of having a breakdown & not being able to look the person in the eye after oversharing. Any reminder of people being able to have normal & healthy functioning lives sends me spiraling. Because I know that can never be me, that I’ll have to live with this for the rest of my life. I know people have their own problems & it’s not black & white. Being stagnant for so long, watching other people move on with their lives. Being able to have passions & interests outside of this disorder....What is that even like? Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like? The chronic fatigue, depression so fierce that it makes me physically ill. Not feeling like an actual person. I don’t want to live like this...",4.067254305977713,6.486166510638302,5.293079027355628,76.64669047619049,73.86322188449847,7.304599797365755,27.38004052684904,8.238735603445708,2.242790800405269,1398,54,227,24,30,463,158,329,0.124,0.698,0.17800000000000002,0.9436,0,0,0,0,0,0,62.0,0,0,2,3,12,20,2,2,25,0,30,10,1,2,7,39,49,9,1,7,7,0,7,6,0,0,6,0,0,4,18,4,0,1,10,0,1,5,12,9,0,0,0,12,22,11,40,37,7,27,0,2,5,3,8,7,2,3,20,167,40,0,0.23437838964280264,0.0,0.05717987470055143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05867402533475687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048755398961034944,0.6983594399532296,0.0,0.11953900660091313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071561681785178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06149141498314779,0.10364431954062596,0.0,0.0,0.0737978442376548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331994368887807,0.0,0.04678301814665922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050467440890331824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671544850305146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591103546983845,0.05189742150795816,0.060543882448449014,0.0,0.07740235794191651,0.053002167961989095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17776313412907405,0.12557997629387613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108339522250858,0.030613258744268488,0.0,0.033300660021528414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05248925012814051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660617506744557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277419399858357,0.17175816340458394,0.0,0.20696041206574986,0.05185437484402023,0.04920470439853357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0391123487661483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809914518718945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062276784019284236,0.0430737710776527,0.0,0.2711505945928911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574102646514824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0445638317045205,0.0,0.06874813515017185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20311058048361733,0.15348762708012803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121342326976181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050039466033297376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0533423208235281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048987707127738166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640929792793132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700802870893617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03978188539147606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03456061168650202,0.0465096640706025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541877547533836,0.0673808952907459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hofballoons,2020/02/25,"intense overthinking i have a new fp lol. i checked their social media and saw them flirting with someone else. they told me so many sweet things. i dont think i can believe them, but i want to because i cant handle them leaving me too. this happens every fucking time and im so upset. i dont know what to do.",-0.6443076923076916,1.5384443384615416,1.468076923076925,96.11442307692309,97.92307692307692,3.2153846153846155,21.884615384615387,4.935628992294339,-0.06081538461538472,242,10,51,1,10,80,48,65,0.076,0.789,0.135,-0.1306,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,5,0,3,4,1,1,1,1,6,1,0,0,0,7,13,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,2,2,14,2,3,11,0,2,0,0,1,1,7,0,1,0,2,33,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400703573236331,0.0,0.0,0.2588807902093367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.538595522064174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19194978956979555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935976281797155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124257873144762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20319166723868104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481993533573296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262798184312018,0.0,0.0,0.2433014141811265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23295852962131494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22192074102797815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342294354567367,0.19468990528410907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265409831096818,0.14723227647707862,0.0,0.0,0.13398522863732998,0.0,0.0,0.21956244572008826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355288447843776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sizeablesoak,2020/02/25,"Please help me understand my dad since i was a kid, my family’s always moved a ton, my dad never had steady jobs/would never go consistently, he would always tear down the other members of my family, except for me. i guess i was his fp, until i started rebelling against him (at around 14). things got really bad, he scared me a lot and i haven’t spoken to him since 7/29/18. i know it’s not his fault, and he’s been diagnosed w bpd, but he’s never shown any improvement and i don’t know what to do. any help/tips/insight on what may be going thru his mind ?",5.817959770114946,4.6168839568965545,6.6999999999999975,81.46166666666667,67.1896551724138,10.147126436781608,27.95402298850575,9.2995712137729,1.9652919540229887,433,10,95,7,6,145,77,116,0.08900000000000001,0.861,0.05,-0.6273,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,4,0,10,1,0,0,3,18,18,5,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,5,0,19,0,12,10,2,12,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,3,5,60,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771466299611117,0.0,0.0,0.2265036866639757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825451100996329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390526328405816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20974932278994235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903300097177396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139952207646995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189295255440802,0.0,0.13319599614711966,0.0,0.1834608564927424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22325439846842315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18305033168240106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158501782275548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815633965773005,0.0,0.0,0.17700399528629215,0.0,0.0,0.3853341122458545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18280918572670946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066887827991264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673402142045482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27552462072224265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787675801198635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064073292013936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733723790546598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366082450814583,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,snom_enthusiast,2020/02/25,"Has this happened to anyone else? I’m currently staying in a residential mental health facility, and one of the new student nurses is someone I went to high school with. We were in the same classes for 2 years. Pretty much no-one from my high school knows I have bpd so the possibility of her sharing this information with her friends really freaks me out. It’s also a little awkward because we weren’t on very good terms back then. Has this happened to any of you guys?",4.5310989010989005,6.218020351648357,5.42945054945055,79.29054945054949,70.75824175824175,7.837362637362638,29.48351648351648,8.418075326091056,2.196951648351648,376,15,70,6,7,123,70,91,0.033,0.8290000000000001,0.138,0.8922,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,2,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,5,0,6,1,0,0,0,9,11,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,3,0,9,3,14,8,3,15,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,6,46,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188305178568186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065197471774534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405648815079963,0.18178819456800585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364253572517112,0.0,0.10815384585792806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22345481756205987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821200109904112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707458218978727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488118369466906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567411724241658,0.3137845962279111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18858961789810846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37490884545975695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750562701870814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778218783914585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879806120795486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042442848155325,0.0,0.0,0.17135375447327073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120224673362758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20001487411713392,0.0,0.18050035858057134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136600689775394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591178893449784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032775248471106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18910656919484795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463904336724264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16447051380812305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425293836419817 bpd,whimsicaldandelion,2020/02/25,"My Latest FP Adventure (a sequel) Hey. So this will be my FP life update post on /r/BPD and I must say that I really feel like I'm just losing my mind here. --- So following [the guy I was completely heartbroken over](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/dyxni7/i_finally_lost_him/) was a relatively short-lived ""relationship"" that I never expected just because the timing of it all makes it seem like I never had a 4 and something year relationship that ended in utter heartbreak a literal month prior. I think it's the way he really fed into my BPD and made me feel like the most incredibly special snowflake that had ever graced the earth that made it so easy for me to attach my whole entire existence onto his every. last. word. Of course I was skeptical. I told him I was not good in relationships. I told him I was a completely different person. I told him I had BPD. I went into it deeply broken and gave him every reason to stay far away. I really made this out to be significantly more difficult than it had to be before it even started. Starting to think that there might be a pattern here (haha).. anyways. --- I'm not going to get too much into the specifics of it all, but in short, it only lasted about 2 months, if that. To backpedal on this thought though, I met him online. Figures, as I only know how to form meaningful relationships online due to my horrible social/anxiety, significant insecurities, and the general crippling fear of interacting with people (in real life). He was the same in many ways, except medicated, so this he understood to an extent. Hell, he said that was part of the reason why he was so attracted to me. The air of confidence he exuded and his impeccable way with words was what really attracted me to him. There were so many other things that made him the PRIME FP MATERIAL, but I'm trying to maintain a certain level of sanity right now. Following that was our terribly unhealthy 24/7 line of communication phase in which he was previously not but now apparently ""blinded by love."" Little did he know that even when this honeymoon phase dissipated for him, it would only continue to bolster, exponentially, in my mind. Needless to say that by this point he was my FP, ex of 4 years who? --- Now let me move this timeline along and make this a little bit more exciting for those of you who are still reading this (probably no one let's be honest haha xd!!) Namely: 1. We met 2. We did some stuff (I'll leave that one up to your imagination) 3. He fucking shattered my heart 4. We went our separate ways Confused yet? This series of events alone is enough for a whole 'nother whirlwind of a story which I may divulge at a future date&time. Let's just say his shattering of my heart did not involve us breaking up but it essentially broke this perceived perfection of a relationship that my delusional mind had created for myself and catapulted me into reality. The fucking second my mind had this seed of doubt planted, it really sprouted into a mass of disgusting growth. You know, like those weeds that keep growing back no matter how hard you try to kill them off. But hey, that's not surprising now, is it? --- We stopped talking like we used to after we met in real life and his general demeanor towards me was just completely different. I know we (BPD) pick up on these things fairly easily, even when sometimes it's just in our minds, but imagine it being a completely obvious reality. It hurt more than I could even put into words. I felt like I would only continue to spiral down this all too familiar path and it would and could only ever come off as me being absolutely crazy. I was already at that point, to be honest. It further put a strain on our relationship and as he continued to drift away, I couldn't help but enter a sort of panic mode. I broke up with him shortly after on Valentine's Day. Asshole move, I know. But it was never something that I intended. I never intended to hurt him, I just wanted to stop hurting. --- Questions I've asked myself since, included but not limited to: * Did I really love him? Or was it just the idea of him? * Did he really love me if he got over it so quickly? * Had I really seen a real future with him? Had he with me? * Would he ever take me back? Because I'm so sorry. My answers to these questions keep changing because I still think about him all the time, nonstop, in a certainly unhealthy way. But in the typical BPD fashion of course, viciously demonizing him one second and desperately vying for his attention the next. I talked to him today. He's over it. He's over me. ""I'm petty&childish, how could I have done this to him?"" ""I never cared about/loved him."" ""What did I expect from him after what I'd done?"" And I guess I am just too emotionally drained to try and continuously convince him otherwise because I've already tried to the point of embarrassment. I think this is for the best anyhow. It's the beginning of me really trying to move on & thus I felt ever-so-compelled to do what he hates, which is broadcast this to the world. --- So here we are full circle. I'm at a complete loss, again, at the situation I created for myself and I just feel like I'm never meant to have the one thing that I crave more than anything else. Because as much as it's something that gives me the most fulfilment out of anything else in this decrepit life of mine, it also brings me the most pain. Now ain't that a bitch. --- But honestly though, if you've made it this far, a big thank you. I really needed to get this off my chest and I guess with that I'm off to greater adventures in life (definitely not looking for another FP or anything like that). Does anyone else have any cRaZy FP stories to share? Would love to get to know more people and branch out of my inner-circle which, sadly, consists of just me for now.",4.287282537606281,6.075128500000003,5.520735775016352,77.98840745585353,71.55395683453237,8.831523871811642,27.654349247874432,9.369296265488623,2.527898920863309,4580,167,845,105,88,1525,436,1112,0.13,0.754,0.11699999999999999,-0.9431,3,1,3,0,0,0,192.0,13,5,1,5,58,62,9,7,46,2,69,18,3,17,18,187,147,56,1,17,34,1,6,8,0,9,8,4,0,2,87,43,1,5,31,1,0,16,17,28,0,6,56,13,124,34,145,67,26,144,2,9,3,6,101,65,4,20,63,606,211,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040497228002467064,0.0862986704376793,0.031269352264050136,0.0,0.12709895743565258,0.0,0.026590273125089173,0.04100119680784073,0.02991244179202832,0.0,0.0,0.027340587757358783,0.040063975378673816,0.09653129004787547,0.0,0.036554503590581405,0.0,0.07347405039122007,0.0601330814352154,0.0,0.11917916418769255,0.0,0.03327238677137714,0.0,0.04103447650461596,0.0,0.042688569968820686,0.0,0.2954808478183113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03986645370718511,0.0,0.041364065864253036,0.03368236884696032,0.20498521780891385,0.0,0.0,0.09365778911480034,0.0,0.0,0.02521714952112969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170522079080329,0.0,0.0,0.03421787326409125,0.08002855648394316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799253428364857,0.043983779477561526,0.03463220880674301,0.040402168701272806,0.0,0.10330434709430254,0.14147771467129214,0.06588918299642334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043999913206442136,0.05931248413136595,0.08380208177179757,0.07508689615310386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229717484209004,0.06128655749826309,0.037509598021473925,0.02222221023237317,0.03279637484521632,0.03127293836920605,0.0,0.08614913697439036,0.03871650480162224,0.0,0.0,0.03502714812658608,0.038604508683480886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926706258082982,0.026208824761689915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557647911705386,0.044140688426991516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951019029363048,0.04325987366457576,0.0,0.12893454548386393,0.06374567231559587,0.0,0.041402706099755056,0.0,0.1199514031480824,0.13809227352120068,0.15282363828366285,0.0783796920872085,0.0,0.0,0.032835303710469936,0.04374443240884904,0.0,0.0,0.14116205579811725,0.18499331337251845,0.05220093754306054,0.07928530598808645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03939051761251504,0.0,0.04148037549561175,0.19740619082494806,0.0,0.06242068257128551,0.12467570788488355,0.057488013497023815,0.028993171146947026,0.18094432704279045,0.0,0.04158475165692303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059844037718907,0.14869177311466678,0.04160661559867906,0.045877034010829286,0.0,0.042342974395308486,0.0,0.05421593466325698,0.03414180894950872,0.0,0.0,0.11089030283319876,0.0,0.03744830480347483,0.0,0.04215789132708088,0.0,0.0,0.07861535545802402,0.08760496858469002,0.0,0.039111952389167086,0.13351776174236166,0.2504933951225862,0.08040544343016685,0.0,0.25188143506484395,0.0,0.0333923571901802,0.03719435794758137,0.09328493890676456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03559641961621193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03234505815598384,0.0439515792904369,0.0,0.03985892358565293,0.0,0.09030643715444443,0.038672255741295264,0.04377078356130621,0.05535230329895141,0.04167685888609008,0.062452810784366514,0.0653809940037674,0.0,0.0,0.04476171487722335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029399364768487143,0.06285640175697821,0.0,0.03599928898455969,0.0,0.0,0.07793164033054449,0.10021831877788127,0.0768337969636096,0.031042120910745562,0.04560064775332637,0.0,0.037063527707404134,0.1120891069370209,0.0,0.13273632114769432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047034134891610985,0.03377103015276669,0.0,0.0,0.02306300169907597,0.1551842414153064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249472531904642,0.03528290550087605,0.08731056866846232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388824604364517,0.0,0.0,0.05036000187407095 bpd,httpkitty,2020/02/25,"my anxiety was so high today i felt on edge the whole day just because my fp wasnt replying to me & i had no idea if he was at work, school or if he finally decided to abandon me and it sucks because this feeling eats me out alive and i physically couldnt breathe and i physically hurt and i wish for nothing more than apathy i wish i dont feel things so strongly i wish i dont feel things at all i wish i was back to being just me yes its sad and lonely but atleast im not vulnerable atleast i dont feel like shit when the slightest change happens because its the only safe place i have ever known and when he finally did text me i sat down the bathroom floor crying, relieved. i knew i was fucked up but i didnt think it was this bad.",0.5164705882352933,2.595229792452834,2.6777728449870537,92.52289678135408,84.40880503144655,6.005327413984463,23.18941916389197,7.285733465282438,0.8434029596744357,583,22,133,9,17,197,92,159,0.183,0.649,0.16899999999999998,-0.7506,0,2,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,8,12,3,0,4,1,15,4,2,0,2,34,30,15,0,7,8,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,7,1,2,10,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,12,5,24,4,11,16,3,17,0,4,0,1,3,9,3,3,9,86,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864164149422158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082652661037824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129443458867298,0.09913284605443996,0.21712629686515664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559838661965228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041703472352711,0.07656968020006852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4174446808319053,0.0,0.0,0.12148829296434475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739619240807123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401295958268364,0.08481924303128074,0.1139974131660174,0.2601212453011797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976204016216816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049906992085332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125442556127561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710068384991466,0.13402935941802654,0.12824651722298153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05800445992411873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392263229749496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029792606996556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404539659380845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015898407338126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187249403003875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577550963238088,0.07607605106775688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254017672633357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255547212877036,0.5461249509991911,0.0,0.0,0.08643533293460971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pizzzzzagurl,2020/02/25,"I think I have BPD I know self diagnosing is frowned upon and I would never claim to have it without a formal diagnosis, but allll of the symptoms resonate with me so much. Sometimes I will absolutely lose it over small things and I can’t control myself. I punch myself in the head and constantly have bumps on my head from hitting myself. I can be screaming and crying and not be able to control it and three minutes later I feel like an idiot and am completely fine. All of this is taken out on my boyfriend and I feel really really bad for him. I can’t be away from him, and it hurts me so much when he spends time in another room than me. I know I need to go to a doctor if I want to get help for this, but until I can get the motivation to do so, what can I do to try and better myself? How do I learn to control my emotions and not lose my mind for twenty minutes of each day of my life? Is there any real reason to get diagnosed with it? Like I said, I’m not going to go around claiming to have it and blame my toxic behaviors on it, but reading the symptoms it’s hard for me to think a doctor wouldn’t agree.",4.419920972644377,4.2295291957446866,5.919832826747722,82.51750000000001,69.80851063829788,8.756838905775075,27.849544072948326,8.418075326091056,1.7386352583586624,871,26,188,12,14,298,122,235,0.139,0.764,0.09699999999999999,-0.9279,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,7,7,10,1,0,8,0,22,9,2,6,2,46,40,22,0,5,8,0,3,2,0,3,7,2,1,1,12,17,0,3,9,1,1,3,8,6,0,1,2,5,34,4,37,31,4,22,0,3,0,0,6,12,0,1,9,144,46,5,0.11582141601834918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876253457806626,0.12144885335053605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310561582248796,0.0,0.0,0.10881803295711062,0.0,0.09670604451154252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024346303406918,0.0,0.0,0.1458730189542323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143655110058503,0.12516180440397867,0.3897106996784426,0.0,0.0,0.1272243869414453,0.0746952316651536,0.0,0.0,0.2351125984739407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23709625413679264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302835038842371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712557596609367,0.08274284274572184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815357285507914,0.0,0.19747193948642225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375323910788267,0.0,0.23773237462831304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763265374643112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398922132314626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273048425039577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180809137996302,0.11316898700173204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25914907710736795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169466132042386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028413471283185,0.08588011240977238,0.08932861619716136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158527589384106,0.13183012796380095,0.14839632975641912,0.11908370569646093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017268947084297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082699661938165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455034198808645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407655969424109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694660233317112,0.14842737344150672,0.0,0.0,0.06753639909145429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863513875903838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831447199703708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164771194481962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227621086066794,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheReelDealer,2020/02/25,"I deactivated social media Hey, I am looking for insight. I deactivated all my social media because it was just becoming too much. My impulsivity often had me posting things that that not long later would either have me panicking because I had greatly overshared or depressed because it made me feel like a fake. I've seen other people post about social media exacerbating them on here and I guess I wanna ask: does keeping social media impede progress? I started with a new therapist last month and I will ask her tomorrow what she thinks, but I needed to know from others how it has played a role in their recovery. I deactivated because I can't take much more, but on the flip side, it is key to my professional persona as I have been pretty successful and am in communications. So this is like... A last resort as it could potentially affect how I do my job as well as future opportunities. I need to know it will be worth it to cut myself out of that world. Any insight is appreciated.",5.728684863523573,7.104828526881723,7.245913978494624,68.59656327543425,67.49462365591397,9.163937138130684,30.974358974358978,9.466822959209583,2.9876224979321746,790,31,134,16,13,272,121,186,0.047,0.8009999999999999,0.152,0.9689,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,2,3,9,10,1,0,5,0,19,0,0,4,1,30,34,13,0,5,6,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,15,5,0,1,6,1,1,0,2,3,1,0,6,3,26,7,19,23,5,18,0,1,2,0,12,7,0,3,11,104,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947537232252645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460093436006353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32082709458804903,0.14531402349566824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505176727004532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332517792045235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514198955334425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652816960625726,0.09399705965987826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506167571261736,0.14494447029156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056768146630995,0.11694972307117647,0.0,0.0,0.1446201324338065,0.21450203755169514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856159723131824,0.0,0.0,0.11643955293715275,0.11048968963186152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244992521386776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502174587334703,0.0,0.193445226663552,0.19512208625913588,0.0,0.12707575666479062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912173958685582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252024565477428,0.13385886825415366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5364957345754179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312931693638776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892787096737772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527684778321302,0.08741244716915385,0.08430781571897167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830154197860585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346695912570392,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,beAGoodOneyabish,2020/02/25,"It’s been a while Hi friends. It’s been a while since I’ve been involved in this sub. I’ve been in a good place with all my interpersonal relationships and I’ve been trying to keep my thoughts on the straight and narrow. I participated in this sub for a while and you guys really made me feel seen and heard and not crazy. Things have been so good. I’m getting good grades, have a few good friends, and have been in a steady relationship for a while. But then tonight. My mom decides to pick an argument with me. I have three exams this week and I’m trying to study and she decides tonight would be a good time to fight with me about stupid shit I can’t do anything about since I live in another state. And suddenly I’m sucked back into feeling trapped in a bad emotion and can’t shake it. My s/o isn’t replying and I’m feeling so alone. I’m convinced my mother is the reason I have this illness and I hate that she brings me down like this when she needs attention. If I ever told her that I think she has bpd she would lose her mind, which is also indicative that she 100% has it. I don’t know, I just feel trapped. I’m really not sure why I’m writing this post. Maybe to acknowledge that even though I don’t deal with this all the time, I still have bpd. It feels like my progress doesn’t matter at times like this. But I also know that it does. I’m a good person and I’m getting better every day. I don’t know. I guess just keep fighting guys, recovery isn’t linear. I’m still trying to remember that.",1.9135714285714296,3.6886550317460336,3.032420634920633,93.35910714285716,78.04761904761905,6.404761904761906,22.36111111111111,7.310402129719878,0.5553015873015865,1185,35,271,15,28,380,144,315,0.136,0.7170000000000001,0.14800000000000002,-0.0469,0,3,0,0,3,0,30.0,0,1,0,3,15,23,6,1,14,0,29,2,1,3,4,56,62,27,0,4,7,2,5,3,2,2,1,1,0,3,22,18,0,2,16,0,0,2,10,9,0,1,12,7,34,14,24,47,3,35,0,1,1,0,26,13,2,2,21,163,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935795804357113,0.0,0.15343563713110792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059442073224044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894492487143663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376677956707063,0.08010029127954663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484520040960594,0.0,0.0,0.2416492447205037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061869036664589185,0.09890301113623992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839518698886427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791204068740252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633630342778581,0.0867771544607586,0.0808279356711155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425337733167493,0.06853476262736584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823564610479353,0.0,0.1002423706329789,0.0,0.0,0.4827857603963002,0.0,0.0,0.1056813362197271,0.1899780824227751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471426424130326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053983473571194,0.0,0.0,0.15816728443453276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060448137088286,0.0,0.0847108539879518,0.0,0.0,0.10732481442071734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907744000023318,0.0,0.0,0.096377885638538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686527692380094,0.1123559115698745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113332009274681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376524983216763,0.10022987127389067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187757486116943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291464611486698,0.09863540134552627,0.0,0.2059929061120155,0.1086737182100352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847414514267032,0.15871402017853328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532249010534291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041599192990334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373381613310429,0.06147017958688038,0.09425397183448612,0.07616031761100853,0.1678184212741174,0.0,0.0,0.09166837117437128,0.0,0.1953972231380454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695189984714708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656487412416887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629651566465004,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,donnybee83,2020/02/25,"No favorite person I'm married have 3 kids have been able to keep a full time job for the past 16+ years. I'm on effexor 300 mg a day and clonazepam as needed. I have no favorite person, I have people I like and people I tolerate and that's all. I'm so weak. I full of rage and hate and fear and sadness and pain. I wake up every morning at 5 but can't get out of bed till 630. I don't care about anything I have no joy in my life. I had to put my dog down a few weeks ago he was my best friend and the closest thing I had to a FP",0.19145161290322574,1.064895241935485,2.7589032258064528,97.36835483870968,80.45161290322581,5.605161290322582,20.464516129032265,5.6839178017228535,-0.2917200000000002,406,10,108,2,10,142,82,124,0.17600000000000002,0.66,0.16399999999999998,0.5247,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,11,2,1,6,0,11,4,1,0,1,13,19,12,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,3,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,4,0,13,5,15,15,5,17,0,1,0,0,5,9,0,0,8,65,15,1,0.21433173864549676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18999215427212815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763767586575679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249279364910004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21852549201066168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822624020400678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18058373386091908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24118279374649404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655921696046452,0.0,0.11197948722598898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21160821867552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126911786758429,0.1905078972566436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138884554786733,0.10471166118789337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892426841803664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280640814299755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046038966788665,0.2971812813882374,0.3742924140493961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154625961621652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239248342741226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497856041437352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192399245023954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380226125456173 bpd,RykieDR,2020/02/25,Need advice going into a new relationship I'm a 28 year old male I've been seeing this girl for about a month and a half and things are starting to become more serious. Does anyone have any advice on how I should approach first of all letting her know I have BPD and explaining it to her. Also just general advice on how to deal with issues that are going to result from the BPD itself I don't have the money for therapy yet but I'm trying to get there. I do use meditation and journaling and have noticed that having almost self counseling sessions with my self when my anxiety for abandonment gets really bad. Any other coping skills would be helpful. I don't want to repeat my past mistakes.,4.694852941176472,6.148343485294117,5.9389999999999965,76.70600000000002,70.02941176470588,8.675294117647061,26.1,9.120678840339163,2.22892,558,17,98,11,10,187,93,136,0.13,0.843,0.027000000000000003,-0.9189,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,6,0,15,0,0,4,1,25,28,10,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,7,8,0,1,2,0,1,3,2,4,0,2,1,1,10,0,17,23,2,16,0,1,1,0,10,3,0,1,10,72,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4324787122863984,0.0,0.0,0.14772482195483308,0.0,0.0,0.11797556493341878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20064390635125876,0.0,0.1128561023315378,0.0,0.0,0.10315280147310388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317708313044855,0.0,0.16292960043067078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716047548624605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520916369962202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909998566847253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548455746010084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415128488808122,0.0,0.16768353780372508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888279365019548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397760961239415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107579648833133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508541487252663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177529234966504,0.0,0.0,0.10938780299599772,0.0,0.14248041420748822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16795801337380975,0.1548025080656684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082915696204168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450819304515226,0.0,0.0,0.15838647347666698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755820104621753,0.0,0.3078011737976028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441884431944913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870751672645504,0.0,0.0980089515611128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015968570341363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741409949948626,0.0,0.0,0.08701397558647304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047974169146499,0.0,0.0,0.09500116313525474 bpd,throawyayboo,2020/02/25,"My boyfriend thinks I split on him all the time. I don’t. I really don’t. I don’t hate him, think he’s bad, think he’s awful, anything. My BPD is at its worst minor, but I don’t think I’m doing this. I think he’s trying to be helpful or “right” but diagnosing me with something he legitimately thinks I have, but every time he says “you’re splitting” it’s like the walls go up and I see red and get very upset - at which point I cry and say I’m not, tell him I love him, tell him I don’t hate him. Just that he’s being unfair. Any thoughts? Thanks for reading - really hoping to calm us down. I really love him and wish he saw me for someone capable of being fair and considerate.",1.5254566210045652,2.830118691780825,3.7029452054794514,90.18446347031966,77.83561643835617,6.784474885844749,20.38584474885845,7.492282038375204,0.3981707762557072,523,12,123,7,12,180,85,146,0.212,0.6,0.188,-0.6041,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,0,1,11,2,1,2,1,11,3,0,0,1,23,31,9,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,6,0,0,8,1,0,1,6,5,0,0,2,5,24,6,11,26,2,11,0,0,3,2,22,8,0,2,3,66,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506076421994504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150337714336339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671730150892455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605833452598754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15355076515574365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418820725386731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777758092221187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303356086625322,0.0,0.07944485103285646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27602379866678345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936970786058636,0.0,0.0,0.13884121613235287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829344972208105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25232860226558035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214502514152796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398260208444497,0.0,0.2686556861644329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937835232722008,0.0,0.22233036220854754,0.0,0.0,0.11139309072473384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184420815995279,0.10761577976900576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244362082748782,0.12869818621825144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.537423774873214,0.0,0.11097621009387484,0.16302323800749555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490700654848244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814798351965138,0.0,0.0,0.11533989834766692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074952224289624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Leonie3e,2020/02/25,"Overdose on lamotrigine Last night I got into a really bad place. My head was swimming with negative thoughts and I was sick of struggling to sleep. I took about 1, 400 mg of the pills which I really didn't think was enough to severely fuck me up (I'm an I idiot I know). All that happened was that I went to sleep. Then, I woke up. I couldn't talk properly, my words were messed up and slurred. My motor skills were the worst, i couldn't walk properly and was extremely dizzy. Throwing up was mostly gagging as there wasnt much in my stomach, when o drank water i threw it up immediately. I tried walking to the toilet and had to use the walls to get there without collapsing or walking into the walls. I've just been asleep on and off (its almost 12:00 PM now). I'm a less dizzy but finding it hard to form words and speak. Motor skills still messed and still feeling sick. It's really hard to type. I don't know if I should go to the hospital as soon as possible or if I should wait to see if I get better. I dont know what to do. Please help",1.7633333333333354,3.6724034814814814,3.2081111111111116,91.29800000000004,79.0,6.727407407407409,21.91111111111111,7.734863291789972,0.7963155555555561,816,24,181,13,20,267,123,216,0.157,0.78,0.064,-0.9306,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,3,9,8,2,1,9,0,19,11,5,1,1,36,41,18,0,7,8,0,3,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,8,10,2,1,7,1,0,9,8,7,0,0,19,5,22,1,30,18,7,31,0,0,1,1,3,14,1,7,8,118,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458538803263214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288976147709969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653313593327693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18092766692929607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15951180284457878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805720649088653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410969800578479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271823852946044,0.16131030570772156,0.0,0.08773550854574348,0.0,0.1234686884360816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365142961162165,0.0,0.2765813680689788,0.0,0.15843444015424055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347506142765778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545232404619602,0.1258371449040571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348421346717034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487153411582335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612901917038034,0.16945862524887134,0.0,0.17403588373115572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966918930919001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301778323147383,0.0,0.0,0.17440107806198976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30897522404481137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24656994317762496,0.0,0.0,0.16138744286139814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408168035126885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891798646076724,0.0,0.12255739802493405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151755336753058,0.10481125429565707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333140464355173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310821304995106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881307406393726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,finding-me123,2020/02/25,"What does the ""impulsive"" characterization of BPD look like for you? I'm wondering if getting urges to cut your hair shorter, or getting bangs, or impulsively buying coffee/snacks counts under the impulsivity of BPD. Or impulsively leaving my uni classroom because I feel impatient that I don't understand the concepts and would rather study on my own terms at home. I struggle with anxiety and have been getting help with it. Since on the journey of recovery from a codependent relationship with my mom, I have been trying to become independent and make my own decisions. Sometimes I do the above, but sometimes I do things that are either ""out of my character"" or things that are part of my new, recovering character! like being okay with sending my bf a teasing sexy picture of myself, or wanting to finally get a tattoo/piercing that I've always been scared to get. i know we need to have a certain number of characteristics out of all the defined characteristics of BPD to be diagnosed with it, but I never know what counts as the impulsivity portion. Because I feel like everyone has it to an extent?",10.714048017867114,9.187445854271363,10.525795644891122,58.98016192071472,57.79396984924622,13.467560022333892,44.22166387493021,12.261556223090626,5.5927817978782794,891,44,142,23,9,295,116,199,0.057,0.8340000000000001,0.109,0.9072,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,2,0,0,1,9,2,2,12,1,15,2,1,2,3,36,31,12,0,5,10,1,3,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,11,11,0,0,7,0,1,2,2,4,0,0,3,4,20,5,30,25,8,12,0,0,1,0,9,6,0,7,7,106,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177655068984133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276505167693158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637773746685661,0.1483612180648623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5075664635924948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634606203964028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175564849806463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836178054704805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584649355888634,0.09596815180105987,0.0,0.1471562010199622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509195433458226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004116914803284,0.0,0.13474783608256874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765277630084225,0.0,0.0,0.14224018425135831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968862471367519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280662762654985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896689090361476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573302184748314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996068710107166,0.1036065708514836,0.1297404998621099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454705029479911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422431570373415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449165013941988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112237496368046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26571928746899137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043493998030634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849092364348002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120388764640294,0.0,0.0,0.1398463082040056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923360379299853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456793642117309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542693520643927,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throw-it-away-bye-,2020/02/25,"Please help me, I can’t tell if my relationship is actually bad or if I’m going through major changes and splitting as a result. So my bf and I have been together a year and a half. We’re in our early 20s. I have been majorly depressed lately. More depressed than I’ve been in a long time. (Yes I have a really good therapist, seeing her Wednesday) 1) Graduation is rapidly approaching and I have no idea what is going on next year or where I’m gonna live. 2) I hate the area I live in. I get nasty seasonal depression and this place is so antisocial and I feel painfully lonely. 3) I may need surgery soon and struggle with chronic illness. This is bittersweet because it will hopefully be the end of a 7 year battle to find a diagnosis. 4) I am so, so lonely. I have friends but I feel like I’m no one’s priority. They all have closer friends. I try to make plans but people bail at the last second. I feel like a downer, like if I don’t cheer up soon no one will want to be around me again. I get told that I’m negative and complain a-lot. I’ve tried SO HARD to work on it and I made tremendous improvements but this is a huge setback. I can’t stop crying, and am having difficulty finishing my work. So with that being said, lately I can’t stand my boyfriend. I just feel like we want different things in life. He’d rather stay at home, I’d rather go out. He doesn’t want kids someday, I do. I also feel like he unintentionally invalidates my feelings sometimes. Like when I said I’m scared to travel alone, he says life isn’t that bad for women in America. That completely invalidated my whole life where I was belittled and treated differently just for being a girl. But I also do love him. He just annoys me. He definitely loves me more than I love him. I feel like a monster, I feel completely out of control and alone. I don’t know how to know if these are rational feelings or if this will subside and I’ll love him again. Please help me!",1.5040326841555538,3.729912108312348,3.5530920931375576,86.83504085519445,81.56926952141058,6.8958407568962325,23.788720280149906,8.015777009494485,1.3834815875161277,1525,56,322,30,41,517,198,397,0.175,0.634,0.191,0.9237,2,6,0,0,0,0,48.0,2,0,1,4,22,31,3,2,14,1,38,10,0,5,1,62,76,36,0,12,17,0,10,7,3,5,6,3,1,3,13,19,0,2,13,1,0,5,11,14,0,4,8,14,49,17,29,58,6,46,0,5,1,4,32,19,0,10,27,200,62,3,0.0,0.0,0.07709435059677618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636440568609178,0.0,0.1263554053524494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032834218027255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192638897609013,0.04815875772973724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835734182334185,0.0,0.165663746845715,0.0,0.0886072248010412,0.0,0.0,0.0867797563412823,0.0,0.0,0.2041323771045514,0.0,0.0,0.1650801111141426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997213669593115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35951110747003145,0.2821944717156916,0.0,0.0,0.07220620454278448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207317349129695,0.0,0.08255034887362911,0.0,0.1346956130412263,0.06626295298132015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077008603346449,0.0779979115323954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590646869209264,0.0,0.07924523647590583,0.07846660284546429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918340443433086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683463508174216,0.0643970028295228,0.17823491970255234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740390126539126,0.27017398737177745,0.0,0.13952005536045986,0.06991409783839549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716449646762895,0.28520879854077785,0.0747534035924083,0.0527343080801075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05857882603051603,0.0,0.0,0.08401929959598836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706731455891984,0.0,0.08406347427539741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054769893721252655,0.0,0.08254005555707129,0.173440482584992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05061056943481127,0.0,0.0,0.0848183565375756,0.0,0.0,0.15029758645477026,0.06282539406481459,0.07909457345795433,0.0,0.06295419799041731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813479007850797,0.0,0.0,0.08420539629186834,0.0,0.06604903365067387,0.0,0.08258982371635032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905104633792948,0.0,0.0,0.091727166897859,0.05248527866623082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046066578886494576,0.0,0.0,0.07548959560052654,0.0,0.1072740587779444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979190728302865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882026768774798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502848760891045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262368716374275 bpd,CreamyAvacado,2020/02/25,"I fucked up and can't stop texting my ex thanks to anxiety, and now he thinks I'm crazy I'm 19/F. I'm undiagnosed, so I don't know if I actually have this shit. I am diagnosed with MDD and anxiety though. But me and my ex were long distance, never in person, for two years. I was really in love with him, and truly thought he felt the same way about me. But when push came to shove, and he wanted to meet, he couldn't because he was busy with work and other life stuff and couldn't find time. He decided it wasn't going to work, and we broke up in September 2019. I did go to meet him in person in June though, and he gave me 2 hours of his time when I'd been there for a week. Before that, whenever I'd try to call him he was too busy. He suddenly had no time for me anymore. I just stopped mattering to him I guess. But when we broke up, he said he wanted to at least be friends ""forever"" and I thought that meant we'd still talk quite regularly and nothing would really be different from before, just with no commitment or investing in a future together. When we were together, I'd sometimes use an app called textnow, basically texting from fake numbers, to text him stuff because I'd get scared of what he would think if he knew it was me, and I'd given up on calling him. Of course it never worked, but I felt I *had* to try anyway because you never know. I mean he basically figured out it was me each time. All it did was weird him out though. He never told me it weirded him out and I thought everything was ok until recently when he told me it's really concerning. But at some point he just stopped communicating with me entirely. I really got worried. One-sided conversations most of the time, with like him just reacting to what I was saying rather than actually talking to me. I genuinely don't know what I was thinking, because it's something I would've normally never done, but I had a spare phone. In my mind, I was just trying to get his attention and didn't think he would take it seriously, or would just ignore it. But I used the spare phone to input his number because he uses whatsapp to text, and I used a fake number to pretend to be an indian scammer because I keep running into them. Like I told him, as an indian scammer, to give me the code because ""I want to check for hackers."" I wasn't actually trying to get access into his account, I'm just really stupid I guess and actually thought he would get it was a joke. Because the concept was funny to me and I wasn't thinking **at all.** But it was a horrible idea. I told him I wouldn't do it again but I don't think he believes me at all. And now I just can't stop texting him. Like I feel like if I stop, he's going to hate me forever, I'll never get to explain to him, and then he walks away thinking I'm crazy. But I'm making myself look crazy in the first place and it's making everything worse. All I want is to call him and talk to him about it, because he keeps leaving me on read and it's making me so paranoid. But he hasn't blocked me, or told me to go away, or to stop talking to him. He's literally just said nothing about it. I didn't know I was bugging him. But I asked him if it's just become harassment for him, and he said yeah. Which I didn't even know I was doing. I never meant to harass him. I really thought we were friends and he's just been busy, not that he didn't want to talk to me. But I've had this constant annoying feeling that he secretly hates my guts and that I'm going to lose my friend. I've been really worried, sad, and anxious. I feel like I'm losing my mind a bit.",2.2539370526822644,3.691799751668892,4.133802009236359,87.29496158812843,76.18291054739653,7.528297839742607,25.09577797719364,8.249195462096736,1.4343785637680848,2790,96,612,49,61,948,262,749,0.131,0.777,0.092,-0.9862,1,0,1,0,0,0,90.0,5,1,1,7,34,32,8,1,16,2,58,6,2,8,12,163,140,61,0,19,34,2,5,5,3,6,2,4,0,2,32,44,0,10,33,3,3,9,26,20,0,2,57,10,100,12,81,71,10,76,0,5,1,2,97,27,2,12,44,386,132,4,0.0,0.0,0.189742154242104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437176493864445,0.05491452674166837,0.04820723557370117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04544301276688266,0.0,0.0913398318127643,0.0,0.0,0.26668529308169003,0.053685009912799786,0.08272564791310305,0.05476588950594307,0.0,0.0,0.05306862464391158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19854159210531824,0.05559594154975799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05252924470775633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049337284956565766,0.0,0.05078623735536257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049744058280031714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03210589874547249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737357641799005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373477161133346,0.06945280239611595,0.09334485344755904,0.0,0.04442790131034202,0.04134693569088669,0.0,0.0,0.11266597390459775,0.04493839495340814,0.12698142687720018,0.04663034576701703,0.13812855928896814,0.0,0.03887719427096623,0.0,0.10709696335178376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598298478410563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04787024148142626,0.0,0.0,0.05487383689279808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641212859352777,0.0,0.0,0.13357164464465404,0.0,0.0,0.05147009306835276,0.0,0.0,0.034334094747486436,0.1187399270858128,0.0,0.0,0.04301758635056558,0.0408194607819491,0.1087624563419079,0.0,0.0,0.043871674306405324,0.0,0.09734099652048436,0.0,0.0,0.05294963706355425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816281080322134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624327232560847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047626666495985404,0.09328362039832534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03293883202217405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488730567123627,0.05078623735536257,0.0,0.045951378101155314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05170183636734898,0.04862232494429445,0.0,0.2179819558226996,0.0,0.04799569172569073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871535792132422,0.03865596350021493,0.048666259721371084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049896615101059666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037421714366621256,0.04807571266892099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038819346442074534,0.2438366592391817,0.0,0.0,0.11129174141800292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0365480468145882,0.19535105027788147,0.0,0.04475279345184578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21802755643291985,0.14327478997328036,0.19295125884592676,0.14172199144337844,0.0,0.0,0.2322407281018741,0.0,0.13200974422419226,0.0,0.047484096499558176,0.0,0.0,0.16793086527137238,0.0,0.0,0.14335474123683434,0.038583697061457534,0.03899134460528174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061641654147281,0.09872994460433374,0.04953689765164377,0.20718336082679228,0.0,0.0,0.031302712160113925 bpd,abood3357,2020/02/25,"Curious to see Hey guys, did a quick run through with a friend of mine and discovered I have many similarities in the way I act to impulsive bpd. This is particularly true in terms of dating and love life as I generally romanticize an ideal of a girl then once it becomes real and it doesn’t meet my ideals I get bored. I’m by nature shy but always push to be center of attention and read friends chats to make sure I’m always being talked about. I’m a chain smoker and prefer to be intoxicated. I do have mood swings sometimes. I get overly angry sometimes and it comes across as a joke at the start but then gets serious. I overshare overspend. Idealize people quickly. Frequently say things I don’t believe in. But I generally do think I function relatively well. I do well in school and go to class often etc. sorry for so much info but was wondering what you guys thought",4.400080971659918,5.985051023391818,5.756374269005848,77.22068825910934,70.9298245614035,8.770310391363024,28.358524516419248,9.265573868473778,2.46952775528565,699,26,132,15,13,235,115,171,0.06,0.757,0.183,0.9612,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,3,8,15,0,0,8,0,13,3,0,1,2,29,28,16,0,4,4,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,3,6,9,0,0,6,3,0,5,2,2,2,0,3,2,14,12,24,22,3,22,0,0,1,1,12,8,0,2,8,86,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593532798453714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721200389057695,0.0,0.17558545761252686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19628301025543826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342478228006287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380986582623556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24081299222153055,0.0,0.24426984184130116,0.0,0.0885710668115072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30862475853071913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007887925010433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065740698837695,0.0,0.10402864247981633,0.15800372826127426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456499220964216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597126640508195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080442296489522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588851477711255,0.17738725464517252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393526521470667,0.0,0.15772481686960044,0.1241893559198728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082720315573367,0.17445721891122876,0.11030884197378672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688333159707995,0.0,0.0,0.12526338517484434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353738369959717,0.0998600422211998,0.0,0.12372458618680393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370357107381502,0.0,0.0,0.2802491530843498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900870836021706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BPDandconfusedAF,2020/02/25,"What do you want?! Do you expect your emptiness to be filled with alcohol? Drugs? An unsuspecting person? Art? Music? Noise? Situations that seem befitting at the time? Dancing? Normalcy? Memories? Deviancy? So-called spirituality? There is nothing. There is no escape.",3.744285714285713,3.3115581904761946,5.168666666666667,62.993,145.66666666666666,8.73904761904762,28.990476190476194,7.3011,4.573636190476192,212,11,27,8,15,70,38,42,0.063,0.831,0.106,-0.3744,0,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40537312878208936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4398857902224445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36396364682246296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331203840600412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34531476952344914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4263667424000303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22118203654797225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22373022911012752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,2queer4ubabe,2020/02/25,"At my wits end. CW: Eating disorder, depression, BPD episode. Hello all. My life has been full of trauma, abuse, neglect and mental illness. No matter how hard I try I can’t seem to advance much. Sure I’m doing college now and working but my depression is so bad that it doesn’t mean anything to me at the moment. My mental illnesses in general have not let up. I’ve tried therapy, medication and none of it is good enough. I’ve also been trying to recover from my eating disorder and all three times I’ve been doing consistent treatment have been almost for nothing. All I did was weight restore and hate myself for it. I see this eating disorder being a part of the rest of my life as well as my other mental illnesses. Mental illness has been a part of my life since I was 13, and I'm 21 now and it keeps getting worse. I don’t really see a good future for myself due to these reasons. I can’t handle these highs and lows. I can’t handle my instability. I can’t handle my eating disorder. I can't handle thinking finally I'm getting somewhere and then it all crashing down. I feel unlovable and worthless. I can't even hold a relationship for more than 3 months. I can’t handle life in general. All I can think about is taking my own life. I keep feeling like I won't have to suffer anymore. I need help but I can't seem to get the right help. I just want to die and I don't want to want that.",1.4191142191142168,3.669328860139864,3.600027972027973,86.23209324009326,82.07692307692308,6.330815850815853,22.82004662004661,7.554174236665415,1.156141165501165,1098,38,219,18,30,375,145,286,0.233,0.653,0.114,-0.9918,0,0,0,0,1,1,31.0,0,0,0,2,9,15,1,0,7,0,33,15,0,2,6,42,56,19,1,4,4,0,4,1,0,1,10,0,0,0,11,11,5,4,8,0,0,1,15,10,1,1,8,6,34,5,28,45,14,21,0,6,2,0,4,10,0,3,11,152,45,2,0.0,0.10302349777148408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706952659837411,0.0,0.0,0.06953521048797885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623268136882492,0.0,0.0,0.0715538068017717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726010035010629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951257093906663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978267340214793,0.0,0.09024209440560947,0.0,0.3986165385589008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35589301967579345,0.0,0.0,0.07701336147628264,0.08984430764956157,0.0,0.05743075087442781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793074304433406,0.062118282742430316,0.0,0.09525129254556476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628595948323508,0.0,0.0,0.1458618527718355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789160764215668,0.0858467618524043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656372866679975,0.09186920197567998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15457325985878978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891396273894735,0.30708264197400137,0.042480188611911614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471584767634576,0.0,0.08759464891652671,0.35050728510457146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940398484665412,0.0,0.06391947433537203,0.0644735535738862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343246215022086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18832034718224205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05570345944045283,0.08940078748807055,0.0,0.09335354128513232,0.0,0.07425624190426408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385784295069955,0.15831504981172367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192731106579492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195090981312274,0.0,0.06537682648898074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943680026536758,0.0,0.0,0.1114302245874012,0.0,0.0,0.050702211755777306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710340692313514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385902439753427,0.0,0.0,0.10588369605390953,0.07817998414081502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330184352373973,0.0,0.08861116926448816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,animalover0813,2020/02/26,"Seeking Help for my Husband <3 New poster here. Quick hypothesis: I believe my husband suffers from BPD for a number of reasons (examples below) and I want to help him (*US*!), but I fear that using the diagnosis will trigger him. **How did you accept or convince someone to seek help?** A little context: When we met, I didn't want kids and neither did he. Over the last two years, he changed his mind and I agreed to reconsider, but my indecision was causing resentment for him and made him unable to move forward with life plans. Last week, to end the cycle of suffering, I told him that the answer was probably no. He shut down, refused my advances, and said we needed to ""balance the scales"" (suggested liquidating our assets to start his business). He later said that he felt like the victim of the situation. \- This weekend, in counseling, he said that ""he didn't see where things were going"" and implied that our marriage was over. A few days later, he was hugging me and telling me ""we'd figure it out."" Now things are back to normal, but I'm still emotionally catching up. One minute I was trying to come to terms with the end of our relationship, the next, everything was ok. \- He has cut off his parents (who are old-world and ""difficult"" but not egregious people). He has also cut off his cousin and his grandparents, largely for their association with his parents. \- He makes frequent large purchases (e.g. rented a Jaguar, donated $1000 to a political candidate, bought us each expensive computers) \- He has iterated that his happiness is in my hands and rarely takes enjoyment from life. I love him and I want to help him, but he gets very upset when I bring up mental health in relation to him. This seems like a Catch-22.",3.3918285984848486,6.082250896875002,4.306193181818184,81.46070075757578,77.53125,7.378787878787879,27.821969696969692,8.391295532112219,2.307114583333333,1357,58,243,28,33,437,187,320,0.106,0.763,0.131,0.7365,4,0,0,0,0,0,77.0,8,1,1,2,10,19,4,3,15,1,19,6,1,7,0,46,43,21,0,5,7,5,2,2,0,1,3,3,1,1,12,19,0,1,6,1,5,7,5,10,0,2,19,6,42,9,38,22,4,43,0,2,1,2,60,16,0,3,24,159,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925829440181836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582487159805606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257516287630735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405749005285473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465911855026155,0.11807363124731028,0.09614624470968217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198229553732778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555159775491753,0.19771512139772907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031216186331453,0.0,0.0,0.125597651447046,0.0,0.0,0.10716768652508728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05831411265851609,0.0,0.06343324819877004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881600233714534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864128536580094,0.0,0.0,0.29925212095859155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819618755879636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767363136258652,0.10905868134309546,0.1118673257502548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073669122081673,0.10561259784300604,0.07450372831397321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248144006572952,0.0,0.11269910389319025,0.0,0.0,0.1186288408446728,0.0,0.08276094061762025,0.0,0.1077982441957565,0.11870357833691092,0.0,0.10935878040976474,0.0,0.0,0.11712092963371985,0.0,0.07563305944098976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478699955051221,0.0,0.0,0.07737963064566443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033960421235335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475857703406435,0.0,0.11983249655828924,0.0,0.0,0.31851362865504607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894252402396494,0.10160989824555362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545968239453867,0.0,0.0,0.09457083576347276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900151147928851,0.0,0.08913570265446262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392041937974516,0.0,0.09755623205184917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830379252504508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066526996544575,0.0,0.07577910492528141,0.0,0.10903141588733653,0.0,0.2685176605923389,0.09639932820398957,0.0,0.0920938777527896,0.19749985654283508,0.0,0.08953063916261914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187625498913566 bpd,horseflye,2020/02/26,"Advice for my Husband New poster here. Quick hypothesis: I believe my husband suffers from BPD for a number of reasons (examples below) and I want to help him (*US*!), but I fear that using the diagnosis will trigger him. **How did you accept or convince someone to seek help?** A little context: When we met, I didn't want kids and neither did he. Over the last two years, he changed his mind and I agreed to reconsider, but my indecision was causing resentment for him and made him unable to move forward with life plans. Last week, to end the cycle of suffering, I told him that the answer was probably no. He shut down, refused my advances, and said we needed to ""balance the scales"" (suggested liquidating our assets to start his business). He later said that he felt like the victim of the situation. \- This weekend, in counseling, he said that ""he didn't see where things were going"" and implied that our marriage was over. A few days later, he was hugging me and telling me ""we'd figure it out."" Now things are back to normal, but I'm still emotionally catching up. One minute I was trying to come to terms with the end of our relationship, the next, everything was ok. \- He has cut off his parents (who are old-world and ""difficult"" but not egregious people). He has also cut off his cousin and his grandparents, largely for their association with his parents. \- He makes frequent large purchases (e.g. rented a Jaguar, donated $1000 to a political candidate, bought us each expensive computers) \- He has iterated that his happiness is in my hands and rarely takes enjoyment from life. I love him and I want to help him, but he gets very upset when I bring up mental health in relation to him. This seems like a Catch-22.",3.212130965593784,5.960427534591196,4.199156492785793,81.61534961154273,78.68553459119498,7.263189049204588,27.277469478357386,8.313332769828598,2.2391891231964483,1348,57,241,28,34,435,186,318,0.107,0.7659999999999999,0.127,0.6559999999999999,4,0,0,0,0,0,75.0,8,1,1,2,10,19,4,3,15,1,19,6,1,7,0,46,43,21,0,5,7,5,2,2,0,1,3,3,1,1,12,19,0,1,6,1,5,7,5,10,0,2,19,6,42,9,38,22,4,43,0,2,1,2,59,16,0,3,24,159,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058767693113894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050140473956347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870201642689971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750298588625508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253270303021565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625598903206713,0.11971805603272995,0.09748528430857847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729848010895205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273001690236777,0.20046872220295625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017092206604778,0.0,0.0,0.12734686411077298,0.0,0.0,0.10866022298776977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05912625988548303,0.0,0.06431669020403243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047076620849988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029361593418107,0.0,0.0,0.2275648792603517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844960791612539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15986956981794484,0.11057755390398198,0.113425314618718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213966248624437,0.10708347641014217,0.07554135014495644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404798177355895,0.0,0.1142686770297052,0.0,0.0,0.12028099809680295,0.0,0.08391356157607291,0.0,0.10929956250626847,0.12035677646652865,0.0,0.11088183248421496,0.0,0.0,0.11875208603626736,0.0,0.07668640959400892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25132210890135315,0.0,0.0,0.07845730549292843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201558745894213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163568326853964,0.0,0.12150141725935948,0.0,0.0,0.3229496039013502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901812365920272,0.1030250307637446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272069735477034,0.0,0.0,0.09588793446421123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010177444393006,0.0,0.09037710564310948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850891885297497,0.0,0.09891490870355814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036923617765127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813806383688336,0.0,0.0768344890702396,0.0,0.11054990871914416,0.0,0.272257336350054,0.09774189252526816,0.0,0.09337647957982154,0.20025045933013835,0.0,0.0907775424765784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287728370264847 bpd,Wolfriaum1337,2020/02/26,"I'm not suicidal but.... I cant take it anymore. I want to die so fucking bad. Have tried suicide more times than i remember. Tried all methods except a gun and I cant handle being alive at all. The need to did is so strong i have 0 want to live. I keep surviving my attempts. My natural instinct of not dying is so strong but my mental want nothing except it. I'm contemplating getting H and doing mercy's kiss dose or having someone help put it in me. Like 2 grams. I'm just afraid im gonna wake up alive again. But then be addicted to opiatates too. Ffs.. why do i have to wake up everytime. Last time i woke up with a rope around my head no breathing capabilities and my toenails keeping me from floating free in the air. The only thing keeping me from not doing another attempt is that i survived so many times. I'm just afraid to wakeup again. I want death. But the feeling of waking up from suicide attempt has me in even more pain since i now have to live and suffer til i get the balls to try it again.. i stabbed my chest to try to reach my heart with a sharp knife.. not sure if this qualifies as enough for you. Bpd people gets less physical pain but 10x emotional pain which feels like physical pain would feel to normal people.. &#x200B; My therapist said he cant diagnose me because he means i cant see how i am when i have used drugs. My sociologist means i gotta go three months without any drugs with piss tests. Then get diagnosed so i can be fixed for bpd, adhd, anxiety , depression. Im stuck in a loop. I'm on day 3 sober now cause of an infection. This post is how i feel like when sober. I know who i am when im high too. I just need the fucking help with this mental disorder to get clean. I cant get clean and then get help.. i'll die before i go 3 months clean. Speed helps me so much, its the only thing in the world that made things okay. Except when im madly in love and wanna die for that person.",1.9585607142857169,3.674449877500008,3.4991428571428567,90.33100000000002,77.725,6.671428571428572,22.92857142857143,7.554174236665415,0.8455321428571425,1501,46,330,21,35,496,206,400,0.195,0.648,0.157,-0.9803,0,0,3,1,0,5,50.0,0,1,0,7,24,23,4,2,13,1,27,24,9,5,3,57,69,30,8,10,18,0,5,3,0,3,11,1,3,1,16,11,0,3,8,1,1,3,11,13,0,1,5,7,40,11,46,58,7,41,0,2,1,4,11,16,3,2,24,194,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644490634288355,0.08427475459307651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597872403971385,0.08520766183055302,0.047686347661850835,0.07353054691588863,0.05364424396843253,0.0,0.06954361533016645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06242473364194653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05855014804036107,0.04274660159199888,0.0,0.05966988739285978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663604995953044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203609505114626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045223821261573934,0.0,0.060397220965743424,0.1423476424491765,0.2911082619866719,0.0,0.08036754389909449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264186841380654,0.0,0.0,0.0788794379727585,0.0,0.0724562645113929,0.0,0.04631587448674336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182608433144692,0.10019240713467698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965599105623926,0.2564562427117816,0.0,0.07970554029065709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196688582797403,0.0,0.0,0.08309662069935911,0.1880090698602448,0.07408927034937123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029814180838796,0.0,0.0,0.1869868213532513,0.0,0.0,0.0385380118301288,0.05715996743771187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277632038406212,0.0,0.12384057441964555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328914748057925,0.06635249976635994,0.0,0.07109416755589333,0.0,0.15276997936088155,0.0,0.0,0.14133587996340338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194373056573753,0.0,0.05154880104299525,0.10399129280310627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870608809731926,0.06728533731900464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666408056580297,0.29846516087110586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722953566523744,0.06122908793421064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715887700004475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049343108089537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794361941467594,0.0,0.06670345489885754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055879307251700316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05800683885844277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594153679206731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23011100406086246,0.0,0.0660905176266657,0.0,0.05272410414110573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081418725137181,0.13976070411831085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266863518894895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904368662277983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06056414227818425,0.0,0.0,0.16544250026680454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327550267422694,0.0,0.0,0.06759649922354695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049813683833559115,0.0,0.08520766183055302,0.0 bpd,owwwwwo,2020/02/26,"Looking for resources. Need help Can anybody point me to a place to locate DBT groups? Thanks.",1.4744117647058843,3.178002176470592,0.6439705882352946,98.01536764705885,115.47058823529413,1.7000000000000002,21.897058823529417,3.1291,-0.3761647058823527,75,3,13,0,4,21,16,17,0.0,0.7140000000000001,0.28600000000000003,0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,4,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31467815314297537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942394526824688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3481086097235295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49049982619158095,0.0,0.4438041513918213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43222807108391204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,angelputrefaction,2020/02/26,"i think i might have bpd i don't want to self diagnose, but i need to know if i have bpd. i exhibit a lot of the symptoms, but i don't want to go to a doctor or psychiatrist and list all the disorders i think i may have at risk of sounding completely stupid or like a hypochondriac (also vulnerability is my biggest fear, and i'm kind of anonymous on here). could anyone tell me what to expect if i do have it and how to know if i should see someone? i would also appreciate advice about symptoms, if that makes sense. just to clarify, not asking for a diagnosis (obviously) or medical advice, just general mental advice. :)",6.0042508710801386,5.7957527235772375,7.7636701509872275,70.69756097560978,66.47967479674797,11.256213704994195,33.01858304297329,10.914260884657429,3.612536353077817,487,19,94,13,7,172,76,123,0.135,0.774,0.09,-0.5556,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,2,6,0,13,5,0,2,2,34,25,15,0,11,12,0,0,1,0,4,5,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,2,14,2,14,20,2,4,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,10,1,71,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44171162238309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24098840802038204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535499204379804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086015520694614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795380778114895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797916404003898,0.0,0.0,0.12030118877472062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293126915070782,0.0,0.0,0.17268583132877655,0.1542215572086298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955050662891585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563169171800768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690412406756596,0.1656133381156868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361186479589314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809792374197554,0.0,0.0,0.10057628256451258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151788531632815,0.15184428155915985,0.15984164894691005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172310349066772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006792989657016,0.0,0.1571861827958862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276658674049906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132166336234149,0.0,0.0,0.1316960021037729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930920481884054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777432425430036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703471808404877,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tootiredtothink2020,2020/02/26,"I really do not know what to do I can't even bring myself to write the whole story or context here (why? I'm exhausted/I'm so scared that I might be manipulating people into giving me sympathy) but to summarize: I'm failing college, I have no idea how to tell my family, I'm testing the patience of every person in my life as I continue to repeat the same fuck ups. I'm considering quitting therapy because I've made no progress at all and I really don't want my therapist to be more disappointed in me than he already seems. I know so well in all of this that it's my own fault and I've dug my own fucking grave here, but here I am still crying and breaking down. Even with a diagnosis of BPD I wonder every day if I just found a convenient excuse to hide behind so I can pretend that I'm not a disgusting, despicable person. I used to tell my therapist that I'm experiencing Derealization but what if that's another excuse and I'm actually just fine? I really loathe myself and I couldn't think of anyone else to talk to. My friends are either busy with college or dealing with their own problems and I really feel like I've run out of people to talk to. The #1 person I used to go to in moments like these has become really distant from me and considers me a toxic person for our mutual friend. I'm so scared that they're right. I'm sorry this has no coherence.",3.529523809523808,4.83828365232975,5.832288786482338,76.91129032258067,72.69175627240143,9.185253456221199,26.90578597030209,9.606745405546679,2.50074418842806,1085,38,212,27,21,384,149,279,0.19399999999999998,0.695,0.111,-0.9784,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,1,3,14,16,3,2,8,0,14,3,0,5,2,45,39,20,1,5,12,0,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,4,12,12,0,0,8,1,0,3,8,10,1,0,2,2,31,6,36,33,9,19,0,3,0,2,18,10,2,7,7,143,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.1053328443199804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911331483240985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318339990891894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547342318783891,0.11059620938573107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579858175499294,0.11921008937731857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359453282985262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856586759035954,0.06961169285349297,0.11128031733912636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016914187403807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425853162811612,0.0,0.18188644062531373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175523525712217,0.0,0.0545771760638625,0.07711160708170238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183494868134506,0.16678672924112334,0.19957563899384745,0.0,0.10354487585287782,0.06134419244829896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218499355982648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864084758280505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624047215759798,0.1054670370261487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213444386049568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450616795639815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966255358803998,0.37699250917545707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328299718681233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480635924877935,0.0,0.0,0.3457422748850197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921792730946546,0.0,0.0,0.216131437079654,0.0,0.0,0.09826356571076834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208288168602598,0.0,0.0,0.08620018449182508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351447788800306,0.1886867989092063,0.0,0.12343759571265883,0.2506508794995692,0.0,0.06916292044838132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864491921555716,0.0,0.0,0.06366518900998057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970500785367395,0.0,0.09739811308363024,0.12050998238163535,0.0,0.0,0.11705518635280357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,greatspaceadventure,2020/02/26,"this illness is a @#!%ing cage. sorry mom. i just don't want to do university. i don't feel i have it in me really right now. i am struggling to keep suicidal ideation at bay and it sucks because i have to drug to access my true feelings. my subconscious in this state tears a hole through what is normally an inaccessible part of my mind. &#x200B; i know i've been lying about getting my homework done. i haven't been doing it at all. i sit at my computer and stare at the screen unable to move or type. i'm sorry you had to find out this way. believe me, this isn't fun for me either. i don't know if i should be committed to an institution or if you should just leave me to rot on the street (which i think you should do btw just because i am clearly a burden on you and can't take care of myself). my mind is constantly finding reasons for me not to do what i am supposed to do, so i don't. &#x200B; i am still resentful. i am resentful at my dad. i am resentful because i feel like i could not be good enough for him back then and today i can't just as well. to him, everything was numbers and money and scores, and i know he's loosened up over the years but i still get the sense he is waiting for me to prove something to him every time i talk to him--that i am worth a nickel and a dime. that may just be my illness speaking, telling me lies about what the world wants from me. but i can't stand it, so i retreat, and i withdraw, and i stop communicating. i'm sorry. &#x200B; i know i shouldn't be upset--i am my own adult and shouldn't need validation from anyone but truthfully i'm still stuck at that stage of 10 year old me trying to prove i was good enough to just exist, and i wasn't then. i am not now. or at least so my mind tells me. &#x200B; i hate this. i hate being like this. i wouldn't wish being like this on anyone. i am stuck in this paradox of being somewhere between a walking existential crisis and a helpless child trying to prove its own worth unto the world, unable to do either of those things because i run away from responsibility because in my mind i've already failed at being a successful human too many times for any real successes to count. i am tired of trying and failing, and i am tired of my own fucking standards being too high to surmount even for myself. i am so hard on myself because i want me to grow and be better and contribute more than was given to me back to the world, because i was given an unusually rare opportunity through my education to learn just how much i have to give, and i feel that i have to pass that forward--but i really feel like i can't do enough in my lifetime to make up for it. &#x200B; i feel so stuck. i feel so worthless. i know i am not but i can't help feeling it. and they say you're supposed to feel your feelings through to the end? well, this feeling has no end. every time i allow myself to enter this head space in order to try to sort through it it just gets worse. and it's my fault. all my substance abuse, all my running away, my withdrawing, all of it. i'm responsible and i have no idea how to fix it. i'm sick of it. i don't want to live another day. &#x200B; i'm not unkind to people. i am charitable and never ask for anything back--i'm just giving by nature. but i hate myself and so i punish and torture myself internally because it's what i feel i deserve. i was given so much and i've given back so little and i just can't deal with this feeling anymore so i have to tell someone, somewhere, even if that someone somewhere is just a remote server in a location i don't know. i don't know what to do anymore. i don't want to keep drugging to avoid sorting through these feelings. i don't want to hurt anyone, least of all myself or my parents. but i can't help it. i'm so tired. &#x200B; i'm tired of this. i'm tired of this endless loop. it's too much, too much info. too much feeling. i'm sorry. thanks for listening.",2.44135864135864,3.869698798534799,4.0895942945942965,87.84416833166834,75.66666666666666,6.5753579753579725,25.473803973803967,7.1686216300943375,1.0427914529914526,3072,107,659,33,66,1030,290,819,0.2,0.7140000000000001,0.086,-0.998,1,1,3,0,1,0,118.0,0,5,1,6,43,38,10,2,21,0,81,12,1,5,13,135,148,55,1,19,31,3,16,4,0,7,10,3,1,3,43,28,0,5,32,0,6,7,30,20,2,0,17,21,116,18,102,113,22,69,0,5,2,1,30,33,2,10,27,475,159,8,0.0,0.05054900010591128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04707998073654851,0.0,0.0,0.3235794561801506,0.3628838102506303,0.029012487449915025,0.04473615980636851,0.0,0.0,0.08462100227492503,0.08949345372860046,0.0,0.03510823710940104,0.0,0.03988439951972325,0.0,0.08016709549547163,0.13122168864206085,0.0,0.20805707344310384,0.0,0.0,0.04806689706761475,0.0,0.0377321964448769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04349804841835176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046103839838724285,0.0,0.034063150567592126,0.0,0.0,0.027514280525162985,0.04398395934202951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04365933888122539,0.0,0.0,0.09895169996340944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557399043189396,0.13224769150141205,0.0,0.056357376614668886,0.0,0.07189129219455792,0.0,0.038342997274399694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235774776342708,0.060957299040477,0.0,0.0,0.07798691406199533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039441506822871626,0.06686939513190468,0.08185299464431282,0.0,0.07156785559316109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0382179111379656,0.12636344332614322,0.04378482467769111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057192582859037534,0.045076088473517316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045671914277937334,0.04816164027327592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758421515284227,0.0,0.0,0.1641263270457029,0.0,0.0,0.045174244185490486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337247735096841,0.04275980585665223,0.03767245015929978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028478064858853583,0.04325386080317512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231096820710468,0.04996670768212064,0.0,0.045344305582511436,0.1568120664139808,0.0316342750627996,0.03290454491113012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0418009475749996,0.0,0.0,0.044767926463792136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04737251388823935,0.04620016528062048,0.0,0.0295773404922083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04856014288468026,0.054662368062879885,0.043864948423968944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036434200556935185,0.0,0.03392754569270112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229690260005572,0.03284427056295449,0.0,0.191032157175871,0.0,0.0,0.10221283064127654,0.03566840511704804,0.0,0.04460091432133026,0.0,0.04666669424090398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032077470485867635,0.034291121391311984,0.1118687386509036,0.03927860819469863,0.0,0.0,0.02834358171005851,0.02733690156280703,0.0,0.0,0.07463188970047148,0.24517577152406064,0.04043979267915225,0.0,0.0,0.11586224280823235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098341657584605,0.033864118922780434,0.0,0.0,0.07671880905033791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0490606564645453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04347751824997087,0.0,0.0,0.3628838102506303,0.054947495855941136 bpd,PsychedelicateTrash,2020/02/26,"TW: old childhood memories resurfacing okay so i had a long talk today with my grandparents (who i live with including my mom and sister) it was about different things my mother and father have lied to me about and a whole bunch of shit that happened in my childhood that was either fabricated to me so i literally remember it like the lie i was told or completely forgot it. my mom lies in the way of wanting to paint a pretty picture for everyone so she just wants to make herself look better, lies about money situations, etc and my dad is just a sociopath and left when i was 8. but today two of the stories they told me in particular literally made the memory reform in my brain. it was absolutely crazy because most of my memories from ages 1-9 are all blurred together and once the told me the real truths i REMEMBERED THEM. like i could picture them fully until today i had completely forgot when i exactly my dad left it was just ???? but we were evicted from our house and he left right before that to avoid it and i was told my whole life that there was a flood that caused the pipes to burst that i believed up until i asked my grandparents are they were like what flood? and as they told me what happened the memory came back. the landlord had thrown all of our stuff on the lawn in the dead of winter and i could picture it in my head. it’s awful because it’s a terrible memory but I REMEMBER IT. like it’s so insane to me that i thought a fabrication was the truth down to the detail this whole time through my mom.... it feels good to hear the truth from my other family members like my grandparents and my aunt. anyone else exprience a complete Epiphany moment like this???",5.9169090909090905,6.246150660606059,6.471060606060608,78.05659090909094,66.63636363636364,9.993939393939394,30.74242424242424,9.888512548439397,2.8163151515151505,1338,47,258,28,20,437,160,330,0.092,0.8,0.10800000000000001,0.5546,5,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,3,0,5,1,14,15,1,1,22,2,20,4,3,3,6,47,39,24,1,4,8,9,1,6,0,0,1,1,2,0,27,15,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,24,3,47,12,37,13,9,31,0,0,1,0,29,13,1,3,22,189,74,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059264050204757925,0.08684354079421164,0.0,0.0,0.07923633373313774,0.0,0.0,0.06517288488401674,0.0,0.10333413505903093,0.0,0.07212194622700781,0.09549209072791699,0.0,0.07496065995708702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461681904469726,0.0,0.09693940411571957,0.0,0.08706876450891515,0.0,0.0,0.2665982387929677,0.0,0.0,0.1353431015072019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855300313786621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080357992565497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452643574567787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098892532810975,0.0,0.0,0.07990133634016393,0.0,0.04285567509284291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109013246570835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990063269988474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698511253486038,0.0,0.09552727494416684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779817372968742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27626611605845786,0.0,0.0598663606172613,0.2484478713139332,0.0,0.07484196501168705,0.07500725900267609,0.07117451551720963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019910258368611,0.056575941430789325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977990472306441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893819148691086,0.09026341614666072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622831802148544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647199742437236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28803940344370194,0.0723819967052978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870018206447516,0.0,0.09527039523668533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702646268168934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812444894154415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563087705121413,0.0,0.0,0.06728757364118614,0.049422475877374604,0.0,0.2410191163018248,0.4049446266405488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279525251894097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998372402938384,0.0672761445792155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28388441961609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,EchoesofPoe,2020/02/26,"Can someone tell me if this is a lack of identity?? One of the things that I've never felt has resonated with me personally is lack of identity. I tend to borrow words and phrases from people I spend a lot of time around, but I have really distinct hobbies and interests, and that's always been important to me. But recently I saw an acquaintance who has started doing this really distinctive fashion look and I'm dying to do it too. But I'm so scared if I do it, it means my sense of identity isn't as strong as I thought it was. Can someone help?",3.109909909909913,4.736943414414416,5.0596396396396415,80.75450450450452,74.31531531531532,9.257657657657658,28.54954954954956,9.725611199111238,2.848754954954956,433,18,86,12,9,149,71,111,0.11199999999999999,0.8140000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.6434,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,4,0,13,0,0,0,3,21,22,12,1,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,6,0,0,3,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,5,3,10,2,13,17,3,5,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,3,4,66,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19605887566201566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20975620554732236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445415497807164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262369510921696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793447084837536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19786565646541368,0.0,0.0,0.20031994911005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25666470101483035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18172852594730285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966559813434789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335270715968336,0.20573866166364127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018948172565657,0.0,0.2326512616505455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235901730278212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3992885960145805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16677658787159966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059466357359866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653878022466045,0.0,0.0,0.1870599305626313,0.1373948324419333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SterilePimp,2020/02/26,"Not sure where to begin Just created a new account for obvious reasons. I have dealt with mental health issues my whole life and I feel like I'm finally getting some traction. I haven't gotten an official diagnosis, but I think it will be some combination of bipolar II and BPD from CPSTD. I have been on so many SSRIs in my life and none had any measurable improvement, so it was on to the next one. I am 2 weeks into lithium and it's amazing. It seems like it hits all the issues. Anger, anxiety, depression, mania. That said, I haven't stopped taking my other meds, Lexapro, Wellbutrin, and trazadone, but want to cut back. Has anyone found that those meds worsen your BPD? My prescriber is very accommodating to help me reach my goals. I have a feeling that Lithium and Risperdal/Seroquel will be my best bet. I am pretty active, and I'm terrified to put on a bunch of weight, and it seems like the Lithium is already doing it. How had has the weight gain gotten for you? Anyway, I have lurked here for a while and it's an amazing community so I wanted to jump in. You guys are awesome.",3.18890019860973,5.316526127358493,4.235163853028798,84.57200099304869,75.4622641509434,6.915988083416088,26.72393247269116,7.85451343220497,1.6664490566037733,857,33,164,13,19,278,129,212,0.105,0.66,0.235,0.9855,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,3,0,3,9,10,2,0,10,0,22,6,0,2,3,32,39,16,0,2,4,0,4,3,0,2,4,1,0,1,13,11,2,1,7,0,2,2,4,3,0,1,8,5,21,7,19,26,7,17,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,5,11,115,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735409866713192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080523975140264,0.0,0.1021503779106405,0.0,0.0,0.09336754889925193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267662259480913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013189934326611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33635368720317216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500952366918825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503394810232605,0.09539413267345803,0.0,0.14627600824198947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640917332919806,0.0,0.0,0.06976411413035256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221607331029805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419365535286546,0.0,0.0,0.08950260137953242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27874205624214043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18863291769767174,0.19570860153561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353788504755602,0.0,0.0,0.2966443076602164,0.0,0.13456721991543466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896447649240014,0.14201107775182994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048364367246152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584840508799606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423491678564078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137291473721364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701797288583838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431220922279125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163737972468094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258508062085196,0.0,0.10039823035223004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556087804454893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101765508441476,0.1575193597162102,0.0,0.10711001923806544,0.3252080676861149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908190456476245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,7ilidine,2020/02/26,"DAE have no idea what caused their BPD / EUPD? I was never abused, I have no major trauma that I know of. Sure I've had some negative experiences, but none you'd expect to fuck anyone's development up this badly. I can say with certainty that I got lucky with my parents. I also have a sister that turned out normal, so I doubt it has anything to do with how my parents raised me. What I'm really trying to say is: It eats me up why I am like this. I sometimes have nightmares where I find out why, but it's always weirdly dreamy, twisted bullshit. Anyone else who has no idea what caused their BPD or EUPD? If so, does it affect you? Your therapy progress / motivation?",3.705864661654133,5.051898421052633,4.945872180451129,83.29189097744364,72.30827067669173,7.4252631578947375,24.578195488721803,7.908726449838941,1.2975569924812036,522,15,103,7,10,173,87,133,0.217,0.654,0.129,-0.9383,2,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,3,2,2,5,8,1,1,1,0,13,2,0,5,2,25,18,8,0,3,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,13,5,1,0,5,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,3,2,19,3,11,14,3,6,0,0,0,1,11,5,1,5,2,72,32,1,0.0,0.17353087142268986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712382059968288,0.12186625654826334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20481614512138985,0.15006533634394253,0.1205239068417563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228778556563773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689218921482871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30090904427869125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816792671761634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498649026035279,0.12234833976975325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326575291497276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338615712317709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539969207811287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171372528682309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306704935115163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049045620790092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155284287062559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295879918953558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434994726658419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252524718307266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382587532992663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329413660785375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485245186341605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380365945766762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748950457697728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994365660911889,0.15930616658302613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643143138510869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,StarOfSelune,2020/02/26,"New Relationships With my last couple relationships, I have been quite honest and upfront about my struggles with BPD. However, I think I want to try and have a clean slate with this new relationship. Does anyone have any experience with not telling a new partner about their BPD? Did it go well? Did you end up telling them and if so, how did they take it?",5.164477611940299,6.826978582089553,4.958388059701496,83.38026865671642,69.1492537313433,8.345074626865673,28.32537313432836,8.841846274778883,2.0121964179104475,283,10,56,5,5,87,47,67,0.036000000000000004,0.8170000000000001,0.147,0.7739,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,3,1,5,3,0,1,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,12,11,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,4,0,9,2,8,7,0,7,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,1,5,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937397961081913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246025468988642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4051345652178109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779619493202328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074864726308667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424529369099377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732844743862487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914067921539925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110278768715278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4660091662446777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106885915328016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5180329441056412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814068431830909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092863836458854,0.0,0.2811554659331775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305719974252614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919707078243386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486522630784604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461085888143246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wildloveembrace,2020/02/26,"Why lock the comments of this post where people and I included were just talking normally? This is the post: https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/f9v4bn/we_are_not_broken_we_were_just_never_taught_how/ I don't understand why the mods would lock the comments, without offering an explanation. Were some rules broken? All there was was just civil conversation among different people, it's nonsensical to lock a thread just because you can without offering any plausible reasoning for it. If there is and I missed it, my bad but I am astounded at the moment and can't quite figure out what the bleep. 🤔",8.895520094562649,12.704726117021275,6.685460992907803,65.73388888888888,64.42553191489361,9.709692671394802,30.657210401891252,9.994966539143718,3.768651536643027,501,19,69,13,9,145,66,94,0.069,0.8909999999999999,0.040999999999999995,-0.1431,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,1,6,2,0,0,8,0,11,0,0,1,1,18,13,5,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,6,0,8,8,2,7,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,2,1,52,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446883299817584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773814094390867,0.12950355708567918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675650920470433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22195819204218986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20814947786891008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945630822917626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4069242062514427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225959762387205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184272520333146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075400026122667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211611267352291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833943456328742,0.0,0.0,0.4095758151509856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091373367081362,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,buttercupbutsweet,2020/02/26,"Recent struggles with friendships. Can you relate? 1) I cancel people mentally for the slightest inconvenience but I still stay around because I can’t endure loneliness or the damage that comes with breakups/confrontations. 2) Somehow I feel like nobody genuinely likes me. I may not have the strongest argument to prove it but I have nothing to disprove it either. 3) I’m too nice because I want to make myself like-able and also to compensate for the fact that I have BPD (one of the scary mental disorders). So I let people walk over me because I think that I don’t deserve good treatment/love/compassion. 4) I idealize someone then 10 minutes later they do/say something then I demonize them. Then I idealize then again then I demonize them again...",3.3302876771146397,6.407709817518247,4.090167453842856,80.09179046801205,82.21167883211679,7.019149849720909,29.226706741090588,8.124751697461798,2.762654272219837,603,29,96,13,17,192,92,137,0.163,0.6759999999999999,0.161,-0.0795,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,3,2,8,8,0,1,5,0,8,0,0,1,2,20,14,11,0,3,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,1,22,6,11,12,1,15,2,1,0,0,4,2,0,3,12,70,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504601627774887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748968962267838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.344075879000175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369631030673562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207098428679292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156314364207607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951321914376259,0.13441142792686173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15780780670010713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19239187187340653,0.0,0.27575566602210577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16980896913083884,0.0,0.12558881126706628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792135150050824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18053101080666295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274924925589769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26087327571366725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18577132200927074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496211260798054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941536232945747,0.1448438620172945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20053843517778489,0.15025351336315768,0.0,0.0,0.19669088608381047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055625928284892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097329296999676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,existentialbarbie,2020/02/26,Healthy ways to avoid developing FP? I hate having one and would really appreciate ideas to prevent bae from becoming my FP.,5.6931818181818175,8.503304681818186,6.936363636363637,64.9245454545455,70.36363636363637,11.672727272727276,33.72727272727273,11.20814326018867,5.051927272727274,101,5,16,4,2,34,20,22,0.20600000000000002,0.5579999999999999,0.237,-0.0276,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4720823127975301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4220160294250713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4825363332241871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896495693515708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738338904234631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392880242480744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303646524765931,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,annijack1978,2020/02/26,"Found out my FP who is also my Dominant and the one person I can say I really truly loved, doesn't love me back. He told me he loved me and then took it all back saying that he doesn't love me, he never will and that I will never be his girlfriend. I opened up and love him completely and in the end, I was reminded that I will never get those things - love, a relationship, a partnership. I'll never have that, so why did I believe him in the first place?",7.84,4.5258463333333365,8.397083333333331,77.60625000000003,64.83333333333334,12.1,31.29166666666667,10.125756701596842,2.5679041666666667,352,7,80,6,4,119,58,96,0.132,0.755,0.113,-0.2317,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,5,0,11,6,0,0,5,13,21,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,1,8,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,5,2,16,6,4,12,1,16,0,0,0,6,20,6,0,0,9,61,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591573711411018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20368313329202006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492194819876542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388654312912551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730642491987635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265713715654035,0.0,0.1452184460919984,0.0,0.0,0.06919673143850898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7172174402341226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40859713825683736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974775167476813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156453395887504,0.13837620640575693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484727269879283,0.0,0.0,0.14219571736446618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21065020220696995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799017283142381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655629793080098,0.14715059927872953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951046865621084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ImaWasteOfEmotions,2020/02/26,"What do you do when you don't feel loved or respected in your relationship anymore? On one hand I think I shouldn't be treated this way and I attempt to stand up for myself then feel guilty about it or on the other hand I tell myself this is how you deserve to be treated and not make a fuss then I get upset. The past couple weeks I've been battling with myself even more than I normally do. The paranoid thoughts are the absolute worst for me I'm struggling how to handle my emotions. I can't even sit in call with my friend in silence for a short period of time without thinking they're trying to get rid of me. I know this may sound crazy but it feels like something has changed in my head, I'm so paranoid about most things. I'm sorry I'm like this I don't want to lose my friend but I don't feel/believe he loves me anymore. I don't know how to behave when we talk on the phone or text. Can someone help me please? Feels like I'm losing my mind.",0.9137812352663844,3.0126369504950503,2.2396463932107515,96.13800330033008,82.96039603960395,4.837718057520038,21.005186232909004,5.916634753146586,-0.046744743045733284,752,23,169,5,21,241,114,202,0.133,0.715,0.152,0.8442,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,1,4,0,3,10,16,1,2,7,0,17,5,3,4,0,31,37,15,0,3,7,0,6,3,2,2,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,0,9,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,2,7,28,10,25,31,3,20,0,2,0,2,16,9,0,5,11,108,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27011274912154376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15343096110459295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390574843701266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440629509261979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068326556400435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531869010464134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989441771451653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34428963530687184,0.19457750653145256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21042841101657556,0.0,0.142299395072089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397624590296362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128021040938444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14968460111965468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995955653997571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047066040409034,0.0,0.0,0.2458199150903587,0.0,0.09090282768921963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750543031563614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342986447602526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092280737159879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000153621009655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948741034781854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462089620575963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538692871320542,0.10483988579842536,0.0,0.15244507793038628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236744137736135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945827655615607,0.11902944393395608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047355348949387,0.17452040120264284,0.0,0.10811363554264557,0.07940906850222815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245892887986118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032392398001995,0.10809527201170484,0.10923732877377182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127500022524974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,theraflu2018,2020/02/26,"Anyone Else Regret Only Using SSRI'S for so long I used SSRI's from 2013-2020 and I feel I wasted 7 years of my life. I should have been on mood stabilizers A LONG time ago. SSRI's alone did not help my emotions, issues or life life and I spent many years in a state of poor mental health going from Zoloft to Lexapro to Effexor to Cymbalta to Trintellix and so many others. I wish I knew my diagnosis and got adequate help earlier. I am now on Lamictal and my entire life has changed. I feel I wasted those years :( they were good years too 21-28 :( SIGH.",1.7960981496379738,3.9018088672566407,3.662381335478681,87.10198712791633,79.79646017699116,6.940949316170556,20.007240547063557,8.00094639256281,0.8706530973451323,434,11,90,8,11,146,74,113,0.20800000000000002,0.711,0.081,-0.9327,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,7,6,0,2,0,15,16,8,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,6,2,15,1,12,9,0,14,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,9,49,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379574138663763,0.0,0.0,0.16118668971774694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882075275072542,0.15946226165969554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16463686970178884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000965742866746,0.17506382942634058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738333128198082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844863419663852,0.13053582570443498,0.1244722580313981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542838255825282,0.0,0.0,0.2086322404324544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624382386662278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4397068647389701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754569206201346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31557063645688993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568393552086418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836432209708457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074963673928403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688302793638651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17896786897197514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.400884820845838 bpd,Yungpelirojo333,2020/02/26,Does anyone else swear they're a psychopath? I'm always literally so emotionally detached floating from one identity to the other and I've yet to find one that fits. I feel like I can malinger any illness that I hear due to my knowledge about them but I can't shake the idea that I might be a psychopath. Someone let me know about your experience plz.,3.6378260869565215,5.742299666666671,4.45731884057971,83.58858695652177,74.07246376811594,6.918840579710146,28.89130434782609,7.793537801064563,1.8660608695652168,283,12,54,4,6,91,54,69,0.071,0.848,0.081,0.1625,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,1,4,0,5,1,0,0,0,8,9,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,2,9,1,6,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093867340165681,0.0,0.0,0.1711255417391752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17595429988385247,0.25783749789435617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202140636891415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21021503410660966,0.2830639631050759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461546694626704,0.0,0.0,0.12723801834262147,0.1797734654649387,0.0,0.0,0.22999670297943614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28361940712016537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284073773303287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829614712257401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573215244226764,0.0,0.122939823562624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669529453435113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410389661296015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132158892762426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,samanta88,2020/02/26,"Traits vs Disorder A recent psychiatric assessment has me diagnosed with OCD, Recurrent Depressive Disorder and “underlying personality difficulties with some evidence of borderline personality traits” Extremely paranoid now they are keeping “official” diagnosis from me (UK resident) Can they do this? What are traits vs an official diagnosis? Is there even a difference? Would appreciate any insight or advice",9.702714285714283,14.262497366666672,10.566190476190476,34.575000000000045,67.0,17.428571428571427,48.57142857142857,13.023866798666859,10.665642857142858,342,24,34,21,7,116,48,60,0.192,0.768,0.04,-0.8531,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,0,0,10,8,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,5,7,1,3,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,2,2,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499008328458697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17390825679330854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22026378467469807,0.2595651750530042,0.0,0.26718816410415,0.5861878775602902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891025186000974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22730860955186016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4465950725851621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525070063246566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18166647991952853,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,JupiterQuartz,2020/02/26,"Always a stigma Trigger warning: depression, societal judgement, self harm, abortion, suicidal thoughts - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - So, I'm kinda venting and asking open ended questions about life. Just sharing my discontent with society and life in general. But, why is everything in life always accompanied by stigma? Especially around women and mental illness? And why is any aspect of my life other people's problems? I personally am a young woman who suffers from bpd, depression, and massive social phobia; but I'm faking it for attention? I have piercings, tattoos, half short hair (and partially green), a bit on the larger size; yet somehow that's a problem for people? I've had an abortion recently and I don't want children of my own; yet I'm selfish and will regret it? It's so hard to be struggling with a constant internal battle and still have people on the outside try to dictate every aspect of my life and even shame me into doing what they want. This society dictates certain things that they believe men and women should follow and they ingrain it into people's heads when they're young. Then the the few people who want something else are told that they should feel worthless for not doing what is expected of them. Even things people can't control, there's always people who think that people should be shamed for it. It's horrendous. Personally, I just decided to write this because of my abortion and the shame I've been feeling within myself because of how I was raised. I never wanted a child of my own (even though my parents always told me they wanted grandchildren), when I realized I was pregnant I thought of every possible way to get rid of it, my depression was the worst it had ever been; yet I still cannot fathom how some people believe I am selfish and evil for this. In my lowest moments I did want to die, even though I would never try it. I reverted to my old coping habits, sort of self harm, where I would suck on my arms until I have bruises. But, I did the right thing when I got a professionally performed abortion and now there's people that hate me for it, regardless of how much damage a pregnancy could've been to my mental/physical health and how much a child would've suffered with a mother who would be too depressed to even leave her bed. But, I also feel so much pain for the women who don't have the option of abortion. The fear and physical sickness I felt, I cannot imagine that if I was alone (I have a boyfriend), especially if abortion was illegal in my home. So, I'm thankful for my opportunities, even if people believe it's wrong. But, there's even people that hate me for the way I look or the mental health problems that my abusive and neglectful father caused me. The sick blamed for their afflictions. The worst comment I've gotten about my disorders is: ""you're faking everything. You pretend to have things wrong with you so you can manipulate people into doing what you want. Everyone has anxiety, you're not special."" Can only imagine how that person would react if they found out I terminated a pregnancy. They'd be sure to tell me how awful I am. I guess I'm just saying how it's not fair. You get beaten down, spat on, and are still expected to be perfect. It's draining and I honestly understand why some people end their suffering, even if I wouldn't do it myself. (not encouraging hurting yourself. I just understand why.) But, yeah. Life really sucks right now because all the things I mentioned and I'm being forced to move out of my home. It's just hard and I just needed to type. Maybe someone will relate to my silly ranting.",5.489817554240631,6.913730708579884,6.066405325443789,76.65343441814598,68.09763313609467,8.532741617357003,30.947238658777128,8.901047299222334,2.71381617357002,2853,114,487,49,48,926,283,676,0.285,0.669,0.046,-0.9996,2,1,1,0,0,1,102.0,0,5,10,5,50,48,7,5,28,2,56,16,4,12,7,123,95,54,2,28,22,3,7,0,0,10,12,1,3,14,41,33,0,2,16,1,0,2,12,38,0,1,20,10,74,10,62,58,12,49,0,12,2,0,50,21,2,14,24,360,115,3,0.0,0.0613131209280327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535954989135003,0.0,0.04138299379877712,0.17223449553457,0.0,0.0,0.035190530924698746,0.0,0.039587209313860464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04606684360208222,0.048377554566282864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463561453160543,0.0,0.0,0.17490740467865287,0.0,0.0,0.05649560027277504,0.0,0.0651750100741122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053159626494521744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055921389173982636,0.05803997421780669,0.0413167039024443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782824960495928,0.0,0.053706431705151866,0.0,0.05930788742677635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04322895684292664,0.0,0.09166703999398856,0.0,0.0,0.2734334321408498,0.046809183473544284,0.08720013220364371,0.04944759518431198,0.09301583903550154,0.0,0.0,0.05823107942860479,0.07849629062576759,0.0,0.049686359532393545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05673919870489784,0.0,0.0,0.0540725672320129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041387739780279265,0.0,0.05700644469824762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271239400618207,0.10218121117206687,0.05310855298128926,0.1100117722274529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381526996862953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05539748753230917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05479384143651054,0.0,0.0,0.21930758208983867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04345543068359485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05198799338006268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644995575748236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05500011643658747,0.11412258012071835,0.03837061323334192,0.07982275957945513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05430100067698025,0.0,0.0,0.03935681604641225,0.05506370265583568,0.0,0.057460220115310726,0.0,0.0,0.5022593267404338,0.13555352117040131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058338287702998474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854803323626906,0.0,0.0,0.057969794850056815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03315120354734825,0.0,0.05109507609711623,0.0,0.0,0.08838531088579649,0.0,0.041152222744059316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796925680085737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052750743719990265,0.043846057514014464,0.039838270363412365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397846905723944,0.0,0.0,0.054098424252802514,0.0,0.0566041002059202,0.0,0.048772038925328304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045230182506730617,0.04764276343904859,0.0,0.0,0.17189592764260914,0.03315813859435979,0.10168463089454864,0.08216453518464309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889519036862396,0.0,0.07026722278788952,0.0,0.0,0.10774334239711857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21365688478744932,0.08215057921159194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867787023173179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18380208040344498,0.11315700324874567,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ehh_Huh,2020/02/26,"Anyone else overthinking witb gaming/movies? Whenever I play Video Games, I always overthink what the characters are saying, so much that I cant even follow it most of the time, and overthink even more.. sonetimes I even restart the scene, or pause the game to overthink it and when I resume I am even more out of it ofcourse. And movies are even worse, I just cant watch them because of that reason. Feelings of jealousy also arise when Im attached to a character, could also maybe be because im a lonely soul, also affraid that I missed something in the conversation. I wondered if anyone else has this.. and maybe has tips on how to deal with it.",4.982598566308244,6.424662887096777,5.009139784946238,83.68926523297492,69.32258064516128,7.124014336917562,29.10035842293907,7.3871296695380915,1.7173541218637998,514,19,94,5,9,160,76,124,0.087,0.892,0.021,-0.7717,0,2,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,13,3,0,0,7,0,9,0,0,2,0,15,13,13,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,9,6,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,3,10,1,11,11,4,7,1,2,1,0,6,3,0,4,3,69,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36240132757517945,0.12569174779756578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21124550787585689,0.30955204407102954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841662168383564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206069367373712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15573341025214055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523779280887389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4988595038032362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763790933885877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263355416730524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035146580664752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104447274258306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553120299033938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012680238999762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629126478218688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808270765436227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638151633129144,0.0,0.0,0.1539402611237322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PalePaladin,2020/02/26,"A good memory... I don't know about you, but for me, good memories of my youth are few and far between... So on days like today I try to soak it in... My house smells like a memory today... It's full of the smell of fresh chicken broth... We roasted chicken twice this week just so I could make it... If I could link the smell I would... My grandma would boil the bones overnight after a chicken dinner, then the next day we would make homemade egg noodles and it would become the most delicious chicken soup I've ever tasted... So, the broth is finishing up... And later I will take some time and make Gramma's noodles for my wife and her daughter and we will taste my Gramma's love... I miss her so much...",2.3496808510638303,4.032903631205674,3.3868262411347523,91.70875,76.51773049645391,6.118439716312058,22.388297872340427,6.816661863887847,0.4885361702127651,536,15,115,5,12,172,86,141,0.013000000000000001,0.835,0.151,0.9667,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,3,1,0,0,7,6,0,0,9,0,11,7,1,3,1,26,18,13,0,7,3,2,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,9,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,19,5,12,10,5,18,0,1,0,1,9,5,0,3,15,77,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957642613322713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283047446165898,0.0,0.0,0.2286296688935429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603373283428091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29734622921942433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045285131315233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741473231082662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731957144413955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15997959072660464,0.0,0.3549573393416926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030284687965074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885127419809303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332737276088172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335883709257393,0.0,0.3360340969811105,0.0,0.0,0.12034453429685185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421832982317305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5036675682650122,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,EnoughBaby2,2020/02/26,"What are some things you do that helps you when you are on the edge? I have been on the edge since Sunday. I feel I am going crazy with my non stop thoughts going on in spirals. Strated with my partner telling me everything I do wrong. Which is fine but my head took it to a 100. I was crying and shaking in front of her. Then I zoned out, felt like I was not there, everything became hazy, I was touching my hand to keep me grounded. I didn't tell her anything. When I got home, it started to get worse. My thought loops doesn't typically stay this long. Last time this happened was around a year ago after my ex broke up with me. This is a new relationship. And it is really hard for me to start a new relationship. I feel like I go through hell in the beginning of anything. I just recently came across BPD and a lot of things resonates with me. Also realized that my mom might have it too. She is the last person I want to be like",1.6884895833333324,3.627950869791668,2.8283333333333367,93.78333333333336,79.36458333333334,6.1416666666666675,22.64583333333333,7.1686216300943375,0.5760708333333331,725,23,164,9,18,232,116,192,0.138,0.769,0.09300000000000001,-0.879,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,3,0,0,7,8,1,1,9,0,20,2,2,0,0,25,38,8,0,1,3,2,6,3,1,1,0,0,1,2,13,10,0,2,6,0,0,7,3,4,0,0,12,6,32,4,25,24,2,37,1,1,0,0,15,11,1,3,21,113,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525715230619077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397899243249002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21399497272661613,0.1157476427534625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637588597923969,0.0,0.0,0.14871116762659142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282367426600326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337117819508729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314866238475061,0.09288814121460176,0.12484204567068788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793141992531387,0.0,0.22168444776916346,0.0,0.10399091719504093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497851838533145,0.0,0.1164746726836823,0.0,0.13344065572909694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715137968154499,0.0,0.1304232267840905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557002347681815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21197147684212436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905673620261343,0.0,0.0,0.11506587201054742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054052892252013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793338644605516,0.0,0.15228084814334086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511531929348167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353068219689025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329577989303233,0.0,0.12838158970984226,0.27919113481395197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755600336167234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840612711526979,0.13858674647728114,0.0,0.10870468027830307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22729089284625226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727624197170083,0.0,0.0,0.20644677433742176,0.07581719901999699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445984577679002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669067331131586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250409445412056,0.0,0.14215925558329548,0.0,0.08373026421440123 bpd,ChocolateMouse92,2020/02/26,Underreacting? Is it possible I'm not overreacting but everyone else is actually just underreacting?,7.1350000000000025,9.628410333333337,11.8325,16.908750000000026,112.33333333333334,17.5,43.75,10.125756701596842,10.718000000000002,85,6,9,6,4,33,13,15,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.4983710199509966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42662559331787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4879971938786381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.575739236430655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,inflatulation,2020/02/26,"Borderline and physical reactivity My wife is either borderline and I was reading about the amygdala and how it is stimulated much more in BPD or at least interacts with the rest of brain more and I now have a question... My wife is by far the worst ""back seat driver"". She will react as if we are a split second from death at all manner of things that I see as minor if not irrelevant. A person suddenly pulling a little close to you, not in front mind you, maybe just changing lanes into the lane next to us. She will be slapping the dashboard and bracing for impact. She is also one of those people whom you can literally scare the shit out and it does not take much. The worst time was an actual car accident. It was slow speed and I could see we were going to get hit but not hard. I said ""shit"" but was not freaked out. My wife on the other hand almost had to go to the hospital. Granted no one was hurt in this. We all just got out of the car and just dealt with it. My wifes anxiety was so high her blood pressure was 190 /110. She was able to calm down eventually. After that I got some clonidine for an emergency and sure enough needed it once. Her BP shot to crisis level again after a long heated emotional phone call. with her X's (of 20) years mother. So my question should be obvious by now. Does anyone else know of a BPD or have these kinds of 'hyper' reactions??",2.4818181818181806,4.494315363636363,3.8040000000000016,87.38200000000003,77.18181818181819,7.0181818181818185,21.909090909090907,7.9765259561132025,1.0058727272727266,1075,30,222,18,25,352,167,275,0.11199999999999999,0.813,0.075,-0.9191,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,4,3,0,0,12,11,2,2,18,0,24,5,5,3,4,51,36,21,1,5,15,5,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,13,20,0,0,3,1,0,6,6,8,0,3,13,5,25,3,38,16,13,35,0,1,2,0,27,16,2,8,13,166,38,1,0.1269790435695486,0.0,0.12391322957663488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715117005006146,0.0,0.0,0.10154509526630316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713862077377863,0.0,0.0,0.08878669967364781,0.13010503582613428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097639046556387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198513205273979,0.141750607114648,0.12965980059268087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432699127625514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138243391147124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222404334487728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607469730736614,0.14283433310372498,0.0,0.1312032956452615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634130939833775,0.0,0.14433023338756368,0.0,0.20311348179790767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374828181235877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416033116448867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359336923842471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322291338160073,0.069784361556949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726636024836224,0.0,0.11237245776157664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275675164090811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821263634887314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18668841483925544,0.09415335186120137,0.0,0.0,0.13504365338205634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352285372538992,0.17208857233240646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803128065849836,0.1108732030348982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844911786343992,0.0,0.12701340590208512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078614834303344,0.0,0.1271281742863704,0.0,0.2023717153854776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606843269725084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967624582904528,0.0,0.09547243802734744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435923429432553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404250144382257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15274015489690132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177034088731355 bpd,sourgrapegal,2020/02/26,"dear favorite person, i’m writing this because i really really don’t want you to just write me off as crazy. if i decide to ever send this to you it might be weird as fuck but i feel it’s important. the first day that we met, and a few times after i mentioned to you that i have borderline personality disorder (bpd). i never usually tell people that because it is severely stigmatized but i thought nothing of it telling you. i kind of wish i would’ve went into a little more detail about it then. maybe i would’ve remembered a lot of things about myself that could’ve prevented all this or made it easier to understand. the main point of me writing this letter is because i have to. i emotionally have to do something or else this persisting feeling won’t subside. the other point is that i really really don’t want you to just write me off as crazy. i also REALLY don’t want you to think that i’m making excuses. you mentioned once that i am using being broken as a crutch but i NEED you to understand that this isn’t something that i fall back on, it’s something that i ignore or want to go away but it doesn’t. i realize that i stay alone to avoid situations like this because they are so detrimental to my life. i really need you to know that i’m not asking to be friends again. i’m not asking for sympathy or empathy. i simply just want to explain that despite the fact that i hate the way things transpired, i completely understand why you went away. but i need you to know that i am not crazy. my brain doesn’t process emotions properly. any of them. i’ve said it before. that is a simple straightforward way of describing BPD. and i know it sounds nuts, but can you imagine how nuts it feels? i feel crazy and extremely irrational all the time and i know it sounds ridiculous but it is very hard to control. i don’t feel good about how irresponsible i was in the journey of things. you needed someone who isn’t dependent and i’ve been by myself so long i thought i wasn’t dependent anymore. and it’s very very hard to see the signs while they’re happening. most of the time it’s just looking back, retrospectively and questioning all of the words and actions. it turns into self-loathing, anxiety, and suicidality and none of it is your fault. it’s just how my brain processes emotions. i wasn’t always as bad as this and now i am. progressively worsened. i hoped that because you were broken, too, that you would understand. but two broken people can’t fix each other. i am intense, this i know. and i can’t help it. when we first met i was so certain that i could be okay and be normal friends with you, but then you became my favorite person. i told you in the car that i didn’t think that i was idealizing (not idolizing) you and i was happy about that, but i was wrong. i was really trying not to. but the thing about living with this is that almost inevitably, the harder you try to make someone stay the more it pushes them away. and i tried REALLY hard not to make that happen with you. i liked you so much to be my friend. i didn’t want to be in love with you or fall in love with you. just friends. very intense for just friends, right? but despite my very intense ways, i always asked for clear communication. and you made it clear that you didn’t want to communicate when you just stopped saying words. and i tried to keep my pride in tact and tell myself that it didn’t matter and that i haven’t even known you that long but it shredded me to pieces. with all that you told me you’ve been through and how people treated you, i never thought you would just go ghost. again, i understand why you did but i just never thought you would. and that is not to guilt you. impulsivity is one of the main struggles that i face and it took a lot of internal turmoil for me not to send you this immediately if you ever get it at all. it took a lot for me not to do anything. even writing this i feel like my head is going to explode. that’s often how i, and many other ppl like me end up in the hospital. it sounds just as dumb to me as it does to you. it makes just as much sense to me as it does to you and if i wasn’t living it, it would be VERY hard for me to understand why someone couldn’t just “get over it”. but i promise i am not crazy and it is VERY hard. i am perceivably smart and sensible and i understand feelings and emotions, you know i do. you’ve heard me say it. so please understand that when i am saying that it’s seemingly impossible in certain situations, i’m not making excuses. you once told me that you have a friend with schizoprenia who hears voices and i need you, and the rest of the world to know and understand that BPD is just as real. i have no ill feelings toward you. actually, i still love you and i hope you get better and you prosper in your music. i am rooting for you very hard. if you ever read this, you don’t have to care about me or how i feel. i am not asking for you to feel anything towards me. i just do not want you to write me off as crazy. i really just want you to understand. that is all.",2.3326082727118944,4.241354713035019,3.7473980713923214,88.09756386398243,77.25875486381322,7.154390120115041,23.5279986465911,8.07648339933343,1.216040906783962,3967,127,842,69,92,1305,314,1028,0.11699999999999999,0.7340000000000001,0.149,0.9889,0,2,3,0,0,0,98.0,2,54,3,8,51,42,4,4,26,1,79,10,4,18,17,224,178,88,2,29,54,0,16,4,6,6,2,10,0,3,95,45,0,6,42,1,0,15,39,13,0,4,34,28,161,29,112,128,21,77,0,0,2,4,107,27,2,23,34,620,256,1,0.0,0.0,0.0381110028683817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03910687037253782,0.040448094264645455,0.0,0.031231414354919683,0.06499199794976739,0.0,0.0,0.026558012163715387,0.0,0.02987615017047525,0.0,0.03873100525425352,0.0,0.0,0.06427611488382101,0.0,0.1460406136379591,0.0,0.11007736070410801,0.060060124267444226,0.032608400938351365,0.11903456866607713,0.0,0.0332320186570898,0.0,0.0,0.03454002811295225,0.0,0.0,0.1475611761035142,0.08719420537740305,0.0,0.0,0.039818085263690496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04094730341685969,0.0,0.04380230422088845,0.06236277180095635,0.0,0.0,0.02518655451810617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04475918817635949,0.0,0.06835271605440943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03262454789658737,0.17572166256074692,0.034590190872389834,0.0,0.0,0.051589505940548,0.10597954887842743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19746840854305944,0.027900135970398605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643850718395652,0.0,0.0,0.18103782037462884,0.03610472972251665,0.061212200862102085,0.0,0.06658574662392018,0.03275658425799277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907052406645528,0.04157363554675873,0.2099079061647692,0.03855767130961742,0.0400806000651858,0.0,0.0440166183704109,0.0,0.026177026597026032,0.0,0.0,0.07757873055462787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034712928119165716,0.0,0.040668659152563236,0.15024113315311316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027584946289481643,0.07631911160422028,0.03914229850230937,0.06897067280389815,0.0691229996136923,0.032795465892343105,0.0,0.0,0.09960676616575292,0.10574309195617457,0.07390754722436693,0.13034401035522455,0.039594556079394064,0.039234922698645786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04143004894253954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057418265489015075,0.14478997420653966,0.09036239710571996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03826456025420599,0.03747329989768525,0.0,0.0,0.08318232344970203,0.02646395423710561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122523481502311,0.10230115799563738,0.0,0.042869488348518135,0.0738371759133582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04374934041348437,0.0,0.039064499353263914,0.044451923249582415,0.2251705329603052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0442404904931864,0.033351843520372286,0.03714923145567115,0.0931717598582956,0.0,0.0,0.031120926522076337,0.03555323184176218,0.04074176717538437,0.04411982555014423,0.0,0.0,0.08779650904063513,0.0,0.0,0.0992708065087082,0.0901968718082316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325258789447038,0.031188519588849817,0.03265083487219792,0.0,0.04082764799480115,0.0,0.04271866159114684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240457068560996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378278513601903,0.05004836386239924,0.0,0.12401783477090025,0.0683179833472704,0.0,0.0,0.11195311351069144,0.08678070820953576,0.10606022179685227,0.04247946209724154,0.0381500156383406,0.40656519278794057,0.0,0.033730057053536516,0.043012387283864376,0.2577886637807049,0.2073151821709295,0.09299757738635483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240677024155177,0.10572029430333403,0.0,0.04491009305543266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16645675159091702,0.042699342546442365,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway296381,2020/02/26,"My girlfriend is leaving She's leaving the state for school. She told me yesterday. She's leaving in September. It blindsided me. We don't live together, but we see each other as often as we possibly can. I have never felt about anyone the way I feel about her. She accepts me fully and that is all I have ever wanted my entire life. I've never had this from anyone except her. We talked for a while. In a year and a half I can have an associates degree and I can transfer with her. We are going to try to stay together. I believe she is worth it and I think we can do it. A year and a half apart will hurt like hell but I will work every day until I can be with her again, and eventually, I will be. I want to conquer the world with her. But when I look at her I can't help but feel like she's leaving me forever. Like this is the end of us even though we're gonna try and stick it out. Like she's leaving me, and hey what's new? Did you really expect she'd stick around? You should have known better. Like this is goodbye and she's moving on from me, to bigger and better things, like I was just a stop on her road while for me, she was the only person I ever even let in my car. I feel such an immense sadness it's all I can not to break down and just sob, even when I'm alone. I will miss her.",0.5520311058389353,2.301951483985768,2.6624831949387118,94.51062738895479,82.20284697508895,5.5864505074469495,18.23658890206933,6.605766666666668,-0.16552205087649965,1001,22,235,10,27,338,137,281,0.096,0.784,0.12,0.7071,0,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,7,2,0,4,16,14,1,0,13,0,32,1,0,0,6,50,46,23,0,4,8,0,4,6,1,6,1,0,0,1,12,23,0,1,7,0,1,3,5,5,0,2,6,6,55,9,29,30,3,37,1,4,2,0,33,13,2,1,23,178,67,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126912286786576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216075663182332,0.0,0.0,0.0968612908193032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225882193953396,0.0,0.1924618836762436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017150811251598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637069880560577,0.0,0.0,0.21559797502425865,0.19684430618294665,0.0916745831103246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16504825249619126,0.0777317364381738,0.10447177501438576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06183752070361489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293103282127203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164801347553837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5760544673228642,0.0,0.1112625206648953,0.0768535958717241,0.3189455998373437,0.0,0.0960785668938003,0.0,0.09137046908357101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564461240880505,0.0,0.0,0.16783731910113875,0.10508647036929884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275262003453276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500606805971362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266353431787767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970454489016642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011848428340967,0.08670508490325646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597377566322332,0.0,0.09096751691335082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745493819826006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228653033780713,0.06971912669245424,0.10690231666409623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396974315918472,0.0,0.14774560984280022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088141367232514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835436530759636,0.08636592527069238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921278566634993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013627024306036 bpd,feelinggrossssssss,2020/02/26,"What is this evil shit Why is it when I meet a genuinely good guy who just wants to treat me like a human (i started a new class and theres an outgoing dude who doesnt look at me like a piece of meat) a part of me wants to make him fall in love with me just to rip his heart out? I don't even know or like the guy. Wtf is this? A need for control? A desire to externalize some aspect of my own pain? For context, I've broken so many hearts this way not even realizing what I was doing.",1.5869444444444447,2.3148088055555576,3.4416666666666664,94.43250000000003,76.68518518518519,6.881481481481483,19.98148148148148,7.1686216300943375,0.03284814814814796,373,7,96,4,8,126,77,108,0.155,0.657,0.188,0.2755,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,9,2,0,9,0,7,5,3,2,0,16,15,4,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,8,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,1,11,6,13,14,4,8,0,0,1,1,9,3,1,2,6,62,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21638509951191195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548541811960737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618188100012316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38205800268923945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4572410963449984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602815512749557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827645517663982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620108867987365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17412500615072266,0.0,0.12878090389613234,0.19559865878662855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14305362941189012,0.0,0.18633101510628536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052889398944946,0.0,0.0,0.20892216779748315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980377669357324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365553951151104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275878055190121,0.15313722565548446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740874657178902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,troubledturquoise,2020/02/26,Being neurotic and BPD is really hard I'm struggling over the last few days. Isolation led to feeling left out then feeling abnormal and then hating myself. I'm angry at myself. Why am I like this? For all these years. If only I was different I could have been in a better place rn. If only. Why can't I change? Why? I'm depressed about it too. And I feel really alone.. Misunderstood.. Stuck in my head. I've been trying to do things to engage my mind in other activities but I suck at it. Generally hating myself rn. It's depressing.,-0.20660377358490573,1.8032725849056632,2.729830188679248,84.93097169811323,106.16981132075472,5.8935849056603775,16.620754716981132,7.1686216300943375,0.8678581132075478,418,12,79,10,20,146,73,106,0.243,0.687,0.07,-0.9604,1,2,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,2,9,3,1,2,0,10,1,1,1,1,15,20,8,0,3,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,4,4,11,3,12,14,2,15,0,2,0,0,0,9,1,2,6,53,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354404308584978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819526694635954,0.0,0.0,0.21103889292414688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17725873060038946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378488842474334,0.0,0.0,0.10806384285686532,0.0,0.2886423841843354,0.0,0.0,0.1750669744160543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254173651119911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150102937990827,0.33086622708428026,0.17196729564337332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365856658411324,0.0,0.0,0.18205696535113636,0.0,0.0,0.08186249212298133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919018992535126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548774101610227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750669744160543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21468944271063012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517253239040298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132096865536126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376382519272353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4535968292989078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079046488626929 bpd,usagiiidance,2020/02/26,"I feel very dirty and that I am a bad person Hello everyone! I have met a wonderful man. We haven’t dated for a long time yet, but we seem like we have known each other for a really long time. But I have this kind of problem, that I started to feel as I am a very dirty and a bad person because of my past. Background of relationships: My first relationship was very unstable. Not only because of me, but my ex boyfriend was unstable as well. I wanted to leave him for a long time but I couldn’t do it, so I was basically living a ”single” life cheating him. I knew he cheated on me also, but ofc I can’t say it was still right what I was doing back then. When I was still in a relationship with him, I jumped in another relationship and couldn’t stop it early enough, so it ended as I was cheating on that new boyfriend also. Finally I could leave my ex boyfriend and then I wanted to run away from my new relationship as well, because that man also felt like he was too dominant person for me. So I got to know new people from dating site, and found a nice man there. We started dating and it didn’t take a long time when my ’new boyfriend’ got to know about it. I told him everything then. He knew about my BPD. Ofc he was angry about what I did, but he still did want to help me and to ”start from the clean table”. I refused it because I didn’t want to continue with him anymore and I focused on that new man. Back then my problem was that in the beginning of dating I was still having that relationship also, but I tried to make sure, we were not also on the relationship still. When I managed to cut other men, I focused on him. I still felt bad because he was a religious man talking about karma and it kinda triggered me. (I knew i started our dating in a wrong way kinda, still having someone) I think he could see that I was very anxious and he was having his own problems in his life, so he didn’t want to continue with me anymore. But these experiences also made me think more and how to be a better person. No lies, cheating etc. Lies were like coping mechanisms to me before. But now I can say I got mostly rid of them and I can’t just lie, otherwise I will be super anxious. So here’s my case now, after that I started to see a man, who was very Interested on me, I wasn’t that into but I tried to give him a chance. We met two times and we had sex. For some reason when I started to think that I would have something serious with him, it started to disgust me. And after that second time I was sure I wasn’t into him. But i have also invited the another man into my place. I felt very awkward because I was just seeing another man and having sex with him etc. And now there’s another man coming to see me. I was about to tell him maybe we can see another time (i wanted to have time only for myself and keep my thoughts rational without impulses) but he already bought tickets to come to see me. I couldn’t say him no anymore. But I tried to be open about us. We could be only friends or something more. But only friendship would have been okay also. We have met only once before that and it was mostly in a friendly way (no kissing etc) When we met second time, we clicked so well that I felt I actually liked him. And he also liked me so we started dating. And after that we started to see each other more often. My problem is that he’s ex religious person and ofc he has some principles of it. When he knew I was more experienced than him, even tho he’s older than me, he felt very uncomfy. And now my OCD or BPD forced me to tell that I was sleeping with another man before I met him second time. Even I know it’s not my duty to tell because we were not committed then to each other. We were only at the friend stage still. But I still feel very uncomfy by myself that I am ”dirtier” than him. I know I kinda didn’t do anything wrong this time, because I want to start a healthy relationship, after investigating on me and my past behaviour. I hope I could explain this clearly enough, even tho this is a pretty long text with a lot of information. What do you guys think?",2.5523500077918007,4.12741973237754,4.267990234273544,86.06884525479202,75.6905615292712,7.05050127266116,24.555763336969505,7.793537801064563,1.2379996156043842,3184,104,663,46,69,1073,250,837,0.134,0.741,0.125,-0.8932,0,0,2,0,0,0,82.0,18,1,1,3,60,38,6,1,25,1,76,6,1,5,4,149,144,74,0,21,24,3,8,5,3,3,2,3,1,17,43,55,0,4,28,1,1,4,20,17,3,5,57,20,134,21,89,73,19,108,1,0,8,3,105,22,0,14,84,497,177,2,0.0,0.0,0.03614685992282882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04087587621873617,0.26659644916721115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23304551558498945,0.0,0.08369200671461767,0.1102047269470317,0.0,0.0,0.030481744722292425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03480141900041837,0.05696478012768665,0.09278354377842253,0.18063973364990568,0.0,0.09455797798073008,0.0,0.0,0.032759924010429736,0.0,0.0,0.09330416872143037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381541373740725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829751027405745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032807501510423505,0.0765469056904805,0.12393216070047715,0.07339607348412391,0.0,0.0,0.035394446112856075,0.03329023474359648,0.03623339320998719,0.0,0.0,0.05618741858439842,0.0,0.17782676472517778,0.04057681503774877,0.0,0.031507218807048785,0.0,0.04061375489670505,0.0858537986577763,0.0,0.0,0.035533286387014466,0.0,0.0,0.08887567453537751,0.0,0.0,0.036676603471801364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02482793005648984,0.0,0.0,0.03679026128010273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032923913195569754,0.0,0.03857270118852151,0.08142748116957213,0.0,0.0,0.0784425475419786,0.0,0.0,0.05232657838725563,0.09048227640846228,0.0,0.03270805096937126,0.16390144554256794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03149109664728452,0.0,0.03504927128243382,0.02472528314388131,0.0,0.037212855819324916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887306920541404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039447660353833854,0.0,0.16902897294025931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072001770777413,0.02567969846046188,0.1617146995922347,0.03870016159613033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03768420859085518,0.0,0.141773672051632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023729535949307608,0.038084514353411134,0.0,0.3181470215563633,0.0,0.0316329753919749,0.0,0.08836992728825206,0.0,0.0,0.2066192387754756,0.03372090982822792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037067942487456304,0.0,0.03138488159345997,0.05703223820496538,0.0,0.0,0.2621794619308533,0.0,0.2662302924446201,0.030968094924311507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982176977958815,0.0,0.02785036638667523,0.029772306858757727,0.09712690282157738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493800014387983,0.0,0.02940656873343133,0.23758918485838626,0.0,0.0,0.035394446112856075,0.0,0.07544561331635001,0.0,0.03618386207508853,0.0,0.04455599295178507,0.0,0.0,0.244502899898893,0.15293498231940955,0.058803147821577174,0.0,0.0,0.09991343964025916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035706387059588805,0.0401695924158464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05262599975607767,0.08099745677926717,0.0,0.0 bpd,Dimoepedal98,2020/02/26,"Guys, i think i have it... HELP!!! Im scared to death of talking bout myself sooo therapist is not for me- NEVER! If you guys can help me figure this out if im BPD I’ll be thankful. I’ll type my experience in the comments",-1.4183035714285737,0.5863597291666665,1.5884523809523827,95.8875,97.54166666666666,4.40952380952381,17.273809523809522,6.1826913282559595,-0.2961940476190472,169,5,40,2,7,59,38,48,0.124,0.675,0.201,0.6371,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,7,6,2,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,5,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,1,24,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29870260914661645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23199411641234874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4696637803771207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179350971862783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5123605296049797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182917244880772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374448058727455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19062526060493276,0.0,0.2183508330879639,0.0,0.27536831397032696,0.0,0.15196656665365782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,notmehun-,2020/02/26,"Narcissistic mothers.. Just like ... how do you deal? Seriously. So I got my diagnosis last year. It was one of those moments where it was just like .. well WOW my whole life now just makes so much sense. This is explains this and this explains that... and ohhh THATS what that big void inside me was ha. Anyway, this discovery of myself took me into a very reflective place where I really was trying to seek a lot of understanding and figuring out how to actively change things in order to help myself. So far so good. BUT ... My mum. God I love her but I now see so clearly how actually messed up the relationship is .. and she just cannot see beyond herself and is so controlling over me, even now being an adult. I won’t go into full explanation, I’m sure many of you understand being the child of a narcissist parent but man oh man has she caused so much damage. I hate her for it but I can’t help still loving her! The problem is .. I still live with her. And I guess what I’m reaching out for here is HOW DO I DEAL WITH THIS?! It’s almost like, now I know the truth kind of vibe. Every time she does something or says something now that I can see is so clearly dysfunctional and detrimental and unfair all I want to do is retaliate and tell her everything she’s done wrong and how she is a narcissist (of course she wouldn’t see that or accept that though lol). Instead I just take everything on the chin, and it hurts more now than it did before... because I see it so clearly. I’ve done very well at holding stuff together so far but I’m not sure how much longer.",1.9768535504483185,4.187095488817897,3.4276141399567166,88.4717582191075,79.73482428115015,6.850211274863446,21.598371637637854,7.941651935203635,0.9800496547459552,1220,36,257,22,31,400,163,313,0.086,0.728,0.185,0.9817,1,0,2,0,0,0,45.0,0,2,0,1,39,22,1,0,10,2,26,3,0,9,7,61,49,35,0,3,13,3,0,3,0,2,1,1,0,4,23,17,0,2,8,0,0,2,5,7,2,1,9,6,37,15,26,36,8,32,0,2,5,2,32,17,0,5,15,188,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.101474298789203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412589410460822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338825261975227,0.0,0.08848352278274989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682117456788033,0.1100022757440227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166279491913759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21440780876902332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099791936612997,0.21282538729710976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868107037589513,0.0,0.08761179450186306,0.0,0.18690991330070966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909703619671719,0.08721763186837926,0.08316625355700763,0.0,0.11455113179234368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026635975075336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393978231164992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131802603843728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828431055607887,0.05714740209449652,0.08476160257747087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344763640909764,0.15240536363604015,0.0,0.09182060472097338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840427514889201,0.18770093149761044,0.0,0.06941075309850885,0.105424405332551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22932268070898604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046288466021358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546296707481515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086421274041565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949954151566533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661541351558514,0.0,0.0,0.1116409073749044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269299578416844,0.0,0.0,0.4143126602315126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601053699431479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608501048800894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903787502076503,0.0,0.0,0.19600914557256505,0.0,0.07818373175827135,0.0,0.0908874185146215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908297181550417,0.0,0.10216467292877257,0.0,0.060634453159529124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155310914331628,0.07059894667054144,0.0,0.0,0.2165039738929612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715969268986034,0.06133301017149495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869898934284195,0.0,0.0,0.11609546897003348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369120509958927,0.0,0.06696289033579375 bpd,rosiegrrrl,2020/02/26,"A poem for when people think you're a manic pixie dream girl Baby, I'm a disappointment Sweetie, I'm a let down But you can't blame me for it Really I don't wear a crown Idealized again and again Every time, every man Looking for my own peace of mind And I won't disappoint another time Don't know how to tell you Your lust is false advertising Your love is our demise and It's not for me, it's for Who you see A bubble of blind luminosity Too bright to see inside Then it pops Why'd you stop Loving me? Could it be I'm closer to the ground than heaven No wings, or I'd have spread them Flown away from a world Where I can't be myself Without disappointing you Or the next one or somebody else",2.7918547895057984,3.7979723221476505,4.5021232458816325,86.91052471018915,74.1006711409396,7.565832824893228,20.92800488102501,8.00094639256281,0.6649006711409391,552,11,124,8,11,187,97,149,0.083,0.722,0.195,0.9531,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,7,1,2,6,8,0,0,9,0,12,5,1,1,0,16,22,10,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,8,3,0,1,0,5,17,5,15,17,1,14,1,3,5,3,15,6,0,3,8,77,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252458112740155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20181998790817526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17150738948884886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17944523251327993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619714455596896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180533275441919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21965660532767267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803853350270775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3877467519835217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21689570580718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22845165148449664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556003768545578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489214112997432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761205134475404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34234968793954346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17958981911308378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877524050841491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764083901890484,0.0,0.0,0.25051353856710834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20706806824526916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lissuin28,2020/02/26,"BBC video from today about BPD - thought I would share! Dealing with emotions: Borderline personality disorder https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/stories-51628813",16.042105263157893,21.93423663157895,9.230789473684217,45.80302631578948,51.105263157894754,12.221052631578946,51.605263157894754,11.20814326018867,8.354978947368423,132,8,11,4,2,34,19,19,0.156,0.7290000000000001,0.115,-0.2003,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4446289306050283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363958431783936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046029687302688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971112370389706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082521817754273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802663886914997,0.0,0.0,0.3346311643005583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507823853339893,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,retroco,2020/02/26,"I had no idea pwBPD are viciously demonized? I was just reading a different subreddit, and it was nothing but negative things to say about pwBPD. I guess I would consider myself a high functioning BPD (even though I feel it intensely) because I am not a manipulator, abuser, liar, taker, heartless, incapable of real emotion, and incapable of empathy... but all the comments and threads were about how BPD people aren't capable of caring human relationships and just all sorts of bs. I'm actually stunned.",8.993181818181819,9.51196195454546,9.376272727272726,59.1869090909091,60.13636363636364,13.85818181818182,43.73636363636364,13.023866798666859,6.5263563636363635,404,23,60,15,5,135,64,88,0.223,0.6629999999999999,0.115,-0.8286,1,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,3,0,4,0,8,0,0,2,2,19,12,8,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,2,7,1,7,7,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,0,45,10,1,0.0,0.24105620300187555,0.19853885794836024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402186004370624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5124789024364079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074318852549059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21256302489667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288550259493555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343774870859423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287095421869699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241242477564564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149571843327525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296714496882888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19521675120796295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104732791958013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20350608759120292,0.2315718142096481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21843026771317373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179242566063678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13516382464904822,0.0,0.19988960483562834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452577502262706,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwitaway666no666,2020/02/26,"Our Mental Healthcare System is Fucked I sought help for my mental health issues and all I am being given is a foot out the door. I have suicidal and homicidal tendencies, impulses, severe depression and OCD, almost like multiple people live inside of me, I feel no remorse, no shame, suicide and killing is normal to me (never killed but have the strong impulse and desire), comforting and pleasant, and I know this is fucked because this is not the norm, so I go to seek help and confess all of my issues and feelings, and I am told I do not qualify for help? Fuck, this system is so fucked, does something bad need to happen for results?",10.352,7.661766866666671,9.700000000000003,68.26500000000003,59.5,12.266666666666667,39.833333333333336,10.355215969177356,4.137883333333333,504,19,86,8,5,162,75,120,0.294,0.561,0.145,-0.9707,0,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,1,0,0,1,2,13,6,1,4,0,12,6,1,1,3,26,24,13,4,3,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,11,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,9,0,0,2,2,13,4,9,21,2,5,1,1,0,4,6,1,4,1,2,61,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255071838018396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886277103511925,0.08677996021558637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261251742454846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457822224039658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439607067865607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5264297664158115,0.0,0.0,0.08090518728721235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588648402152905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131962630130374,0.0,0.0,0.2862581876981647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971690007711961,0.0,0.0,0.31499550623051403,0.0,0.07823609383798011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954880358413236,0.0,0.12570449721111582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869262487185593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055564643285011,0.10979506924885056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394803649787668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869293607644997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082373166322264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959394729898783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114325355134662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360289262374239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Claire_1995,2020/02/26,"“High” mood swings with BPD: need help Hi! So I get these mood swings where I become very content almost euphoric. I become so confident in myself and feel really social (which is unusual because I’m very Introverted and a quiet borderline). I also talk a little faster and get so creative and happy. I feel like getting dressed up to go to the club (I don’t go because I know the mood swing will die down before I can even finish getting ready). When I feel this way at night, I’ll stay up doing photography, listening to music, dressing up, doing my makeup, and just feel really good. I also feel a little nuts as if I weren’t myself or “loopy” and delusional. This doesn’t last longer than maybe 3 or 5-20 minutes and then it completely goes away. I call it a “high” and had a friend who was bipolar. I explained this to her and she said that it sounds similar to her “manic high episodes”. I’m so curious does this happen to anyone else? Is there such thing as a “manic” for borderlines?",3.7795532646048073,5.309689670103097,4.964309278350517,82.50663573883162,72.40206185567008,7.853745704467355,25.304467353951893,8.447377352677275,1.693999725085911,772,24,148,13,15,255,121,194,0.031,0.8109999999999999,0.158,0.9769,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,12,7,0,0,8,0,11,1,0,0,0,23,30,22,1,2,4,0,5,1,1,1,1,4,0,0,12,10,0,0,7,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,9,19,4,18,25,0,23,0,0,0,0,13,13,0,4,7,93,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628406695579558,0.0,0.0,0.20170522386217354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818122178471953,0.12921778894433214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848742226154207,0.0,0.0,0.15375476785825573,0.2785640530493757,0.10731297158760177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883505264433875,0.0,0.12877558997746166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222720092644472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088550193589796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036243617294303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535132450456522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329652258478328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188328992904761,0.09009523404449744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974346792602438,0.0,0.26355558835035003,0.0,0.14334597825316586,0.10577769686690154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115214104681382,0.1342497552212594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453096215553678,0.3997362880007523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930846946870811,0.10279902023621758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061612497420672166,0.2527969432368871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669757405493232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351127626958704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183486146207395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16158258064490147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199624512985512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285564382155841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441979994506892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013649441832077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378394935547906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081130538394384,0.0,0.10010272003792912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,itskindasadhere,2020/02/26,"Anybody here in denial about their BPD diagnosis? I insisted on getting a diagnosis, to which my psychologist finally said: ""Your symptoms match BPD. Ive worked with patients with that diagnosis and you fit the criteria."" It quite honestly pissed me off at first, a psycologist who doesnt believe in labels scares me. But now that I have a name for it, despite having even curiosity and suspicions for years, I cannot wrap my head around it. Am I the only one? Thanks 💗",4.2009482758620695,6.687542931034487,5.6052729885057495,74.24515086206897,73.71264367816093,9.40747126436782,30.415229885057467,9.827888789773867,3.4435298850574707,373,17,66,11,8,125,68,87,0.11,0.792,0.098,-0.2606,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,1,3,5,4,1,1,5,0,6,3,2,0,0,7,9,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,1,12,2,12,8,0,11,0,0,0,0,6,7,1,0,4,49,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20400554796051432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581906214517027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5772509077613609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136140440957202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25103919402076463,0.0,0.19492773909926456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119729319888762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351895334076721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552882202118798,0.17429040489256753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437453199848326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21798851310367506,0.0,0.2294342692968992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23819031166469226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109844587072371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683494106525001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757482766470065 bpd,BayesOrBust,2020/02/26,"My favourite self help book (based on dialectical behavioural therapy methodology) Personally, I recommend this book for a sort of “intro to dbt”. If the skills in this book turned out to be useful, I recommend mentioning formally trying dbt with your psychologist (this is merely a self help book for the interim): https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=6&ved=2ahUKEwj36qGIzO7nAhXomeAKHUIIDvgQFjAFegQIBBAB&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.chapters.indigo.ca%2Fen-ca%2Fbooks%2Fthe-dialectical-behavior-therapy-skills%2F9781572245136-item.html&usg=AOvVaw29a7KYizl7WJPbiGZlwn4W The one sort of dated thing in the book is the necessity of “taking comfort in a higher power”. For an irreligious person like me, I substituted “the power of natural selection/biology” for this and everything still worked (I mention this only in case you find yourself in a similar predicament). Many of these exercises can be useful if you need to take yourself out of a situation in order to come back at it rationally; these are skills usually unfortunately lacking in someone with bpd.",19.406747720364734,21.13701026241135,14.443019250253293,27.39000000000001,38.57446808510639,14.865653495440727,43.54711246200608,13.707050652182113,6.595651671732522,921,33,96,24,7,265,88,141,0.016,0.8240000000000001,0.16,0.9601,2,0,1,0,0,0,56.0,0,3,0,5,2,2,0,0,12,0,6,1,0,2,0,15,13,3,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,9,6,0,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,9,2,27,11,1,17,0,0,0,0,11,11,0,4,5,70,18,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7055000033581754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001358862663217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401530219760835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217831435008796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703888446832506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902436003662635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457571325946378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636219286320178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320288964663648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656105488618677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824462299956927,0.09904287041993093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274169369868576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717085929424005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637967122286868,0.0,0.0,0.1103402111508267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039987874969114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19582774582612994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892497459640489,0.0,0.08651648073941569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841502108735473,0.14164867745801993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249471973670429,0.1434257279229338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480620266863014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheTimeSpeaker,2020/02/26,"I cant get any help Im only 16 but my mother keeps brushing me off when I had finally worked up courage to ask for help with BPD.. I know i have it sometimes abd then sometimes i dont i am unable to go to a professional and am too young .. yet when im asked to explain why i think that my head goes blank and i cant remember a single thing,, its getting increasingly worse, i cant get out of my house either, I am home schooled and my parents are gone all day every day almost, the only thing they do is give me chores and keep food in the fridge and the power on, i dont have any connection to my parents hardly at all. My girlfriend is the only person able to help me and shes not even in the same state,, shes 4 hours away yet my mother wont even let me see her because shes lazy, whenever i ask for something she says maybe, and i do it so rarely... I avoid my dad or avoid saying certain things so he wont get mad at me but even when hes not around he yells at me in my head,, I dont know what I should do... My house feels like a jail.. i feel so unloved, i cant get mental help and i feel like im getting depressed and then feel bad for feeling dramatic am i a dramatic teen or do i really need help is this normal.. (I was told by a friend to reach out on here for help since its all i could do,, so im sorry if this sounds selfish i dont mean any harm..)",0.1582095864661639,1.6473563717105255,2.462706766917293,96.74394736842106,82.32236842105263,5.527067669172933,19.409774436090228,6.367922702773337,-0.20652781954887225,1043,26,263,9,28,356,150,304,0.162,0.76,0.078,-0.9801,3,2,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,1,2,15,13,1,2,10,0,34,3,2,0,4,46,61,23,0,5,8,5,6,2,2,3,0,4,2,1,11,13,1,4,11,0,0,3,12,8,0,0,4,12,47,5,28,52,7,30,0,1,1,0,31,14,0,4,14,164,58,3,0.07907370980700887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918089819800285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613185026654438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039236632825066,0.2217697335100767,0.0,0.07429235331103955,0.0,0.06602324477778722,0.04820259956271301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959056939548956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313392299456923,0.0,0.0,0.10199200244144696,0.0,0.06810607038893472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706951959342137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668231869683255,0.0,0.06662301093354406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999102178878211,0.11298054817160284,0.0,0.08662138400117805,0.0,0.0,0.09561624377293892,0.0,0.061092152046076924,0.0,0.24787649836287695,0.07585470772139194,0.04493941153768073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083451232761792,0.0,0.16230487805564545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180086452882304,0.0,0.07931737821264248,0.0,0.07787167597402805,0.1824808889555715,0.0,0.0,0.34165270283319515,0.0,0.0,0.1405686929879417,0.0,0.0,0.08691368590753652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085822568541534,0.0,0.07726284088868683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944016973011431,0.08613445123219864,0.0,0.0,0.07968770115043237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863215388255821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747544667259475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18041735851818172,0.0,0.0,0.17560399399606566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904411338831035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05065664330042927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957509871285001,0.0,0.0,0.1257651756497012,0.0,0.08002681586858135,0.06301150900846532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541058987752832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06087480500136674,0.1564118418173122,0.08851654426897328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575991775795043,0.050667240387869336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555831834998572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135172397204159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057566602502840965,0.0,0.08058286574936373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,slamminSalmon92,2020/02/26,"My friend died tonight I met this friend at a peculiar time in our lives, but he was my fucking guy, y'know? He Dealt drugs, and I was there to make sure nothing went wrong. College isn't cheap. He got stabbed to death by a guy clucking for heroin, all because he remembered he sold him coke 6 years ago. He hadn't dealt anything for years. FUCK drugs. The old me would be on a witch hunt by now, but DBT has saved my fuckin' life. You live by the sword, you die by it.",1.4393012600229085,3.27611187628866,1.8731271477663216,100.82957617411228,79.72164948453607,5.135853379152349,21.087056128293238,5.82211442006289,-0.2697596792668957,360,10,87,2,9,109,72,97,0.248,0.624,0.127,-0.9626,0,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,1,2,0,0,2,10,3,0,5,0,7,7,0,1,2,9,14,3,3,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,2,6,0,0,7,0,10,4,11,5,1,11,0,0,0,3,15,3,3,0,7,41,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982072381875572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908413085855167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302937291694464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508197209417735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920051907904463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611596126580223,0.3125014610740348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517594503244096,0.0,0.0,0.3347008882328566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288568083660606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937959493622427,0.0,0.0,0.2984849379586356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281816535204232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621735027417878,0.0,0.1773517742617955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914599281590886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592937060078753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855342950787517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667768230117404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006270479792185,0.18479028973788747,0.0,0.21767896463052644 bpd,EUPDgal,2020/02/26,"How do I finish therapy? Final group in 5 hours I have my final MBT group session today and last 1-1 on Friday. I’m kinda mad at them, I don’t think I get any support after it ends, I just go from 2.5 hours per week to 0 which I’m kinda terrified about. But I’m laying in bed trembling with anxiety about how I end group therapy. Like, I don’t know how I want to end it. I don’t know that I have much I want to say or to share now, I’ve kinda closed off from it in anticipation of the end. Can anyone share what they’ve done or felt or wish they’d said in their final session?",0.7178224101479921,2.005036821705428,3.344876673713884,91.96902748414377,80.00775193798451,6.241296687808315,18.704016913319236,6.980632752743323,0.0030093023255810536,446,9,108,5,11,157,76,129,0.08900000000000001,0.774,0.13699999999999998,0.4303,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,3,0,7,6,1,1,1,0,9,0,0,3,0,21,23,8,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,6,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,3,15,4,18,19,1,24,0,0,0,0,10,8,0,6,16,59,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950397098468408,0.0,0.11193592206266798,0.0,0.0,0.1023117377589296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973819796553378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5183914108787658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404920570202563,0.4808657645653594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644720070343257,0.0,0.08315815906724326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881953722091508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082947841360068,0.11927195141341668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148553344118973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075634988791752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918572015411285,0.11636111960465365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660444605747714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33466389594426826,0.0,0.0,0.09375722314787878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869613780340612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172609001877402,0.0,0.11737067459555699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826306761063214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,basura_rising,2020/02/26,"DAE feel the NEED to partake in extremely risky sexual encounters for the Lols? Like meeting a stranger for sex, going to their place before meeting, inviting them to your place, having unprotected sex, etc. because you need to feel wanted and in control by seducing another human into “loving” you and “worshipping” you for even just a few hours? Although I’m tired of being this way, I can’t help it. I download tinder and do some online shopping for a random dudes affection and dick, who could very well be a serial killer. The build up, the meet up, the sex, it’s an addiction. Then after the low low feeling, also an addiction, but I’m a masochist clearly.....DAE????",5.400421146953407,6.9462625725806495,6.055913978494626,76.1844265232975,68.43548387096774,9.059498207885305,31.51971326164875,9.444778638647367,3.0992896057347665,525,22,89,11,9,171,87,124,0.138,0.748,0.114,-0.6136,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,4,2,1,4,6,0,0,13,1,6,9,1,2,0,18,16,8,0,4,2,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,3,1,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,3,8,4,16,13,3,14,1,2,0,6,13,9,1,2,4,61,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42263059817117377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501457552468492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032591869988505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816367279971915,0.0,0.16494441165600662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21740916112992356,0.15476626337521662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21618395156634715,0.12803015057245598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29403549754718894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016430584499276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992753451132694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19089433606561496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470092000400927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494906813991326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874612867261489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050451704942527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227917112577116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599391234612262,0.11433244246691937,0.1538619611175671,0.0,0.0,0.17428633595939372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BPDgirl1996,2020/02/26,"Agoraphobia and overcoming it Hey, I don't have a car or a license and I feel like I struggle a lot to leave my house. Does anyone else feel like this? How do you get past it? &#x200B; It's so hard because I feel like I want to get past it, but it's like a part of me doesn't want to get well either or leave the house. I just so easily make excuses. ""It's too hot outside"" ""It's too rainy"" ""It's too late in the day already"" ""I'll just leave the house tomorrow instead."" What do I do?",-0.5967133956386306,1.323095177570096,1.8931074766355136,97.3714992211838,87.87850467289721,5.43582554517134,19.19704049844237,6.816661863887847,0.011287227414330305,372,11,93,5,12,127,58,107,0.08199999999999999,0.735,0.183,0.9048,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,0,10,6,0,1,7,0,6,0,0,2,0,16,15,8,0,2,6,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,5,10,5,5,15,3,7,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,9,56,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781922517297574,0.0,0.0,0.14513680078071606,0.16276619009326246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366226565414056,0.13724952581051605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165581980644625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863878779216267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722218864583173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189960337419633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20319027866633044,0.2870857391559737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099529783475514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199945693214376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4636874376647502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110354972322332,0.4255070840390209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26176848014732457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138810941039888,0.0,0.0,0.0894139168284226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505682729269098,0.25574444363814336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140035583996474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801657309575162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043882275009846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276619009326246,0.0 bpd,babyvanillabean,2020/02/26,Disassociating? Does anyone just disassociate? Like really really bad but with nothing really seeming to trigger it? I woke up feeling like all the thoughts and feelings were LOUD and I snapped back but later on I felt so disconnected from myself I could barely focus. How do you deal with it. It really messed me up..,2.8077192982456154,5.832116789473687,4.890526315789477,71.28035087719296,91.63157894736842,7.445614035087719,23.87719298245614,8.167268648758528,2.5409508771929827,255,10,40,7,9,87,44,57,0.099,0.782,0.11900000000000001,-0.218,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,16,9,6,0,1,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,4,7,2,7,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,4,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716214417992557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18873270441975115,0.20493702838488947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959685352080797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530438888148493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21479131308385802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24820958821756905,0.17534656078713368,0.23566650235158595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398248839419233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355119080916107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6289555735034705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22344467908453505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19485658444833806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thesubsdidntwork,2020/02/26,"Am i crazy ? My boyfriend makes me feel like i’m insane. We got into an argument about something that I’ve asked him to be more mindful of for the past year, and 20 minutes after our conversation he does it again.. I feel like i’m being gaslighted but maybe i am just imagining things. I can’t stop crying. I don’t know what to do. I’m splitting so hard and don’t want to say or do anything i’m going to regret but my emotions feel like they’re going to burst out of my skin.",1.4604901960784318,3.0903617156862744,3.175098039215687,92.48460784313728,78.90196078431373,5.7098039215686285,22.117647058823533,6.42735559955562,0.2948352941176471,373,11,84,3,9,124,70,102,0.17600000000000002,0.7440000000000001,0.079,-0.8764,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,9,1,1,1,0,19,23,6,0,2,4,0,5,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,6,12,3,12,20,1,9,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,1,8,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701855141862064,0.0,0.19333773493442116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22716907909771505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18097923542468952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232631371315842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137052950774239,0.4432314237943338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23506771366308735,0.0,0.16540339698673726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18525951154624595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365636939407675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031080971697316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804606867413338,0.0,0.20776661768042928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20881731139668053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19742181240782355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644621685445504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921104373339626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290090203422054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739416798895368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198082510514358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317768998694288 bpd,dirt3gurl,2020/02/26,"Am I crazy? My boyfriend makes me feel like i’m insane. We got into an argument about something that I’ve asked him to be more mindful of for the past year, and 20 minutes after our conversation he does it again.. I feel like i’m being gaslighted but maybe i am just imagining things. I can’t stop crying. I don’t know what to do. I’m splitting so hard and don’t want to say or do anything i’m going to regret but my emotions feel like they’re going to burst out of my skin.",1.4604901960784318,3.0903617156862744,3.175098039215687,92.48460784313728,78.90196078431373,5.7098039215686285,22.117647058823533,6.42735559955562,0.2948352941176471,373,11,84,3,9,124,70,102,0.17600000000000002,0.7440000000000001,0.079,-0.8764,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,9,1,1,1,0,19,23,6,0,2,4,0,5,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,6,12,3,12,20,1,9,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,1,8,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701855141862064,0.0,0.19333773493442116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22716907909771505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18097923542468952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232631371315842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137052950774239,0.4432314237943338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23506771366308735,0.0,0.16540339698673726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18525951154624595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365636939407675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031080971697316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804606867413338,0.0,0.20776661768042928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20881731139668053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19742181240782355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644621685445504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921104373339626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290090203422054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739416798895368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198082510514358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317768998694288 bpd,LooKing4answers9887,2020/02/26,"My bpd left me again I don't get it. Once again he withdraws into video games and being alone. He is such a great guy, so fun and silly. It's been a year since I posted here but y'all also fun and silly. I am not BPD and I struggle with loving him but he is very worthy of it. I don't care if sometimes he wants to be alone. I don't care if sometimes he needs time to process everything. I care about him. I'm not perfect either, and I'm so sorry about what he went through. How long before I reach out or just wait?",-0.9148872180451164,1.0935712456140363,1.2488721804511298,100.61210526315791,90.9298245614035,3.6080200501253135,15.160401002506266,4.65589566412798,-1.2159704260651631,398,8,97,1,14,132,72,114,0.161,0.637,0.20199999999999999,0.6441,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,11,11,0,1,2,0,9,1,0,1,1,22,20,14,0,4,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,8,0,1,0,2,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,0,13,10,9,16,1,10,0,0,0,1,12,3,0,3,5,59,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291803572917815,0.0,0.1270859396837673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522673903365734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003010241087153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4860796944356786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282443371279327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302762061159903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520665306309022,0.0,0.1573529042890366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17266388357708778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063662407083713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342887851742547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783500881334864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924151465812862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521986437494983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314578592855983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143461315777764,0.17789467183746824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613464736284198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266583332112384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311232426271505,0.09373341724846324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731773481409327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233739584047316 bpd,asernaserpal,2020/02/26,"I feel so stuck and want to recover It’s really hard for me to think that things will get better right now. I wish there was a medication that worked for me. I identify more with quiet borderline, and I feel really invisible with how intense my symptoms are... and feel envious of people who have “simple depression” (I know they suffer too) and can just get better with an SSRI and short course of therapy. I’ve been in therapy my whole god damn life (slight exaggeration) and I have tried different meds but they all have side effects that seem to make life harder (no sexual sensation, can’t sleep, etc). I am about to start a new med today and I’m scared it’s going to make me gain weight, but there aren’t any better options. Combined with that I also just learned that I might be starting to have health problems from my long-standing bingeing on sweet and fatty foods. I hate my job and but I also love it. I am so poor and in debt and can’t control my spending. This is just a really hard time and I can’t imagine how I’ll be able to look back on it positively but I LOOK FORWARD TO THAT DAY!",2.8208573469873817,4.669389642533944,4.270297689926173,85.16378899738034,75.65158371040724,7.729554655870446,23.84877351750417,8.532816995589336,1.5238723981900448,865,27,177,17,19,287,130,221,0.14400000000000002,0.7190000000000001,0.136,-0.2334,4,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,2,7,15,12,3,1,4,0,19,9,1,6,1,43,40,22,0,3,7,0,6,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,13,16,2,1,9,0,3,2,5,7,0,0,3,10,24,5,22,33,4,17,0,2,2,1,4,8,1,3,9,117,37,3,0.12053034270413165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927761430281613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196476620037485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268039364543013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197978799821946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518502824574918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777320998176982,0.0,0.1038126075562273,0.0,0.0,0.12592855455007174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344231928723076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18283128840838295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574576882963705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594425871294038,0.0,0.06850017138159561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159430249817637,0.1189987599464058,0.0,0.1281181180415689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960776699687198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662403242094131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17026829111527558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666556042446444,0.20243026305792736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878334010924294,0.0,0.16090987937691514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267764078247105,0.12142163983923784,0.0,0.12786364635696734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164089560557549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356056344558054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153312599895132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23164447167624244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293225410272457,0.0,0.0,0.12067189973512628,0.0,0.0,0.10972629719475524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061738827615938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062399386450736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527717631355906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756739024113995,0.0,0.08007500398429199,0.07723097680287676,0.0,0.0,0.07028221211011931,0.0,0.11424867164046125,0.0,0.0,0.08183219087661893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109191896039503,0.0,0.0,0.14677348635025408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345678232424754,0.1386039457559556,0.0,0.0,0.08774752499806113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Fizzletar,2020/02/26,"What is an FP, really? What is an FP and why do only we have it? I would imagine that when a normal person meets someone they like, they would either get close to that person or get over them when the feeling isn’t reciprocated. But my theory about BPD is that we obsess over that person without the courage to tell them so, especially if the relationship is inherently unlikely to work out (they are much younger, a colleague, married, also having a personality disorder, etc). As a result we are stuck in the limbo of obsession. Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.",4.454911734164071,6.603747242990657,5.8092834890965745,74.58833852544134,71.89719626168224,8.493873312564899,27.77673935617861,9.150863307647796,2.5675885773624096,453,17,79,10,9,152,76,107,0.134,0.809,0.057,-0.8311,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,3,1,5,1,5,4,0,2,10,0,13,0,0,1,0,19,19,9,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,8,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,12,2,11,15,3,7,0,0,0,0,16,5,0,2,3,65,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466368337726639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23094165600584696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101520463283896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20450031916581932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271479629394314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19160117055369189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007725464112448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18750302016377526,0.0,0.08958282160076557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347942900751323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965865706931144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394572591939833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6404285859650489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746824184769113,0.0,0.0,0.1968652660925505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536447359347869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16026899324868804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174928155491681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654582898059188,0.0,0.0,0.17675720754014285,0.0,0.13349182149809596,0.0,0.0,0.2605143092570187,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,crazygob,2020/02/26,"They want the crazy dream girl but can't handle a touch of the nightmare that comes with it I'm just coming from a breakup from a 5 month long relationship with a guy that I assumed understood me more than anyone in the world, we shared the same sense of humour, interests and goals but because of a very minor jokes which I took a little too far I'm suddenly not the manic pixie dream girl he'd nursed in his mind for the while he's known me. He believes that I'm crazy and everything he appreciated about me before was suddenly erased out of existence, it never existed. I don't get it, I really don't. He was the one who actually enabled me to go crazier and crazier, he spored on the jokes to take another level of insane but now it's suddenly too much? Now I think HES the one who's borderline with that black and white thinking. God, maybe he should've just handed me a list of what could make him send me over the edge",7.436507936507938,5.718585772486772,7.708994708994712,77.19619047619052,64.29100529100529,11.362962962962966,32.64021164021164,10.25414643259724,2.9148243386243387,737,22,154,14,9,242,115,189,0.057,0.7959999999999999,0.14800000000000002,0.953,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,1,2,7,5,0,0,17,0,8,1,1,1,1,28,22,8,0,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,12,11,0,0,5,4,0,5,5,0,0,2,4,4,17,5,21,16,3,23,0,0,2,0,20,9,0,1,9,94,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.19595508555348007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21055980169880295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040635846554844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240784724211168,0.0,0.170868845450075,0.2262365915769316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459485799109971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032512088191428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804690866980948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491145298445544,0.0,0.11412116094481445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19882686868158408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20125769133573004,0.0,0.17770462968125775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340377832026664,0.0,0.20173393653925065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027541224663395,0.0,0.16027930362267365,0.0,0.14761355355944936,0.0,0.15487190857384706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721390688418592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863975617849613,0.0,0.0,0.2155876297441854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097911518864834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25733333379701184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22309989008055267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568377851509666,0.11843900769764708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,weekend_religion,2020/02/26,"You guys I met a boy I really like and I'm just really excited and wanted to tell someone Okay so, not boy really because we're in our 30s. And not met really because we live on separate continents. Also it isn't likely to lead anywhere really outside possibly friendship for many reasons(bc he is out of my leeaaague ya'll) but also - see point number 2. But it's been a good long while since I talked with anyone who excited me and didn't scare me (see: recent past trauma). I'm just feeling really good after having felt very down for a long stretch. Is it bad that it's coming from this outside source? Ehhhhh maybe. But fuck it, I'm smiling :) Hope you're all doing okay tonight, wherever you are.",1.7907608695652186,4.373405956521744,3.763605072463768,83.44149456521741,83.63768115942028,7.507971014492752,22.393115942028984,8.472884824447931,1.8752159420289856,554,19,103,14,16,187,92,138,0.061,0.6890000000000001,0.251,0.9773,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,2,0,1,5,13,1,1,3,2,8,1,0,1,1,21,21,11,0,2,7,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,8,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,5,4,10,9,12,16,1,15,0,0,2,1,13,6,1,1,9,57,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360792564559628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320881568511008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324397096238565,0.1799572196372021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714859786539015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463349967537464,0.0,0.14172390319858555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645840131624662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24760806436055235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615211068265374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660502417535434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422464922778794,0.0,0.1303378784560784,0.26125147851710623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964825564255674,0.1482890155492495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409056302535284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953439148111998,0.16640240736093026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5673570782819625,0.0,0.14574208468605873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777830864909192,0.0,0.2352440754062459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210034309326773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506519836102087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863927069049772,0.12901323557543096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178954532869712,0.08706122606543626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,A1Dilettante,2020/02/26,Appreciating the small things in life Like strawberry and lemon Pączkis on Fat Tuesday. I had three of them so far. What about you guys? Anything small and seemingly insignificant worth appreciating?,6.7087499999999975,10.635022375000002,5.598750000000003,69.17125000000001,75.25,9.45,33.0,9.516144504307137,4.17385,164,8,25,5,4,49,29,32,0.062,0.667,0.271,0.7998,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,4,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,2,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4298327476581108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5171884151868119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689368369273923,0.2551838540565341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4755092419102357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470125704957241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SimplyTopHat,2020/02/26,"I’m so afraid of what “they” can do, that dating scares the hell outta me. You would think that approaching 30, with no kids, no career &no relationship... that I would jump at dating. To feel “fulfilled.” NOPE. Instead I’m afraid of what could happen to me... I’ve been assaulted, gaslighted &abused physically/ emotionally by past SOs &now I’m afraid they’ll derail my attempts to take my life back.",3.753513513513514,6.6653261756756805,3.9634459459459457,83.12192567567571,77.7837837837838,6.402702702702705,24.114864864864863,7.645422480735847,1.4324108108108105,323,11,56,5,8,100,54,74,0.21,0.755,0.035,-0.9217,0,0,0,0,1,0,22.0,0,1,2,1,3,6,2,4,1,0,7,1,0,0,0,6,14,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,1,1,8,0,8,9,0,7,1,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,4,34,13,1,0.0,0.2522591227811329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6920515844171851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16371178459192828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998833732296895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394909044908031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076518104396786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882723170412831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038199937163402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20324313162204846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285816628487445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131563244251484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600790233011232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642174510552696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30248502027709784,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sydbea,2020/02/26,"I feel like I caused all the problems in my past relationship. I broke up with my ex boyfriend in November. Long story short; our relationship was not healthy at all. I felt like he was manipulative and kept messing with my head and overall mistreated me. (he has shown physical aggression towards me and also cheated on my multiple times.) i thought i was handling things relatively good. until about a week ago. i got this overwhelming sense that.. what if he was the person i was MEANT to be with. and i was the one who screwed that up for myself? what if what happened in that relationship wasn’t as big of a deal and i made it bigger than it needed to be? my inconsistent moods and my tendency to waaayy overthink things could’ve made me think he was manipulative and messing with my head... but now i’m confused and don’t know what to believe. my friends and family think he was a terrible person and am glad i stepped away but... i really can’t shake this feeling. i don’t know how to make it go away. i’m terrified that i ruined something that was supposed to be great by getting into my own head.",4.018320109439124,5.734666525581398,4.984213406292749,81.85404924760601,72.11627906976744,8.407660738714089,29.856361149110803,9.007467420416297,2.475634746922025,873,37,172,18,17,285,120,215,0.13699999999999998,0.769,0.094,-0.8234,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,0,0,4,19,3,3,6,0,18,4,3,7,2,42,38,18,0,4,5,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,17,15,0,1,9,0,0,3,5,12,0,1,17,3,28,6,28,18,3,24,0,3,0,1,15,14,1,3,9,119,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888641027778744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725311971755166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520142104703213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511036546775901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777485051663307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708131488820513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382684843255474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643333958434813,0.0,0.1356269211584198,0.0958130358543228,0.1287731161541675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361827144824813,0.0,0.07007046849933095,0.0,0.07622164201915617,0.11249077012764708,0.10726541997124284,0.1478641947570805,0.0,0.0,0.1185990026334914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4129274468607783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741412108289306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310453430095013,0.0,0.0,0.11868910688055012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25380903088165685,0.08952397472766101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944587370266823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088098347825836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802961731860404,0.0,0.2342111529342656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833162071329898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591862686719717,0.0,0.0,0.431973606001062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324962957980864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820242388511928,0.1718732011301285,0.0,0.10647372168801282,0.07820455779489079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758037025970428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwingyouaway99,2020/02/26,"How to Overcome the Hurdle of Never Being Believed? I flaired with seeking support but I'll drop a CW here as I'll probably mention suicide/depression. I wanna start this by saying I am not officially diagnosed with \*anything\*, and nor do I want a diagnosis from here. I more need advice as to how to get somewhere. I am 20 now, a second year in university, and I need help. I always fuck up my chances by being lazy or impulsive or having zero self-control, but I don't want to throw my degree away. After reading up on BPD, DBT, etc, I've decided I want to take the next steps forward towards getting help. But I just... Can't. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, but really struggled with ever getting a diagnosis. Despite suicide attempts dating back to age 13, and a long-term eating disorder, my medical record has zero mention of any mental illness whatsoever. The last time I went to a GP, when I was about 17 (I'm in England), and told him I was depressed, he told me I didn't have it that bad, showed me a photo of when he'd visited a small village in Africa and told me that they're happy, so I should be too. I mean - what the fuck? I'd just left home and severed ties with my abusive parents, was working and studying a lot, and dealing with a teacher who seemed dead set on ruining me. Last year, around June, I tried to kill myself again. My life felt out of my control. My new uni friends all abandoned me, and told me they didn't want to live with me because they ""assumed I'd just kill myself"", leaving me homeless for the next academic year. I was dating a man I can only describe as an abusive narcissist, and before my friends had ditched me, they had been using me as an emotional crutch. I was exhausted. I overdosed, self harmed, but my neighbour had heard me crying and brought me to the hospital. I was treated like shit. I was vomiting blood and bile, and was left on a bed under glaring lights alone and sobbing for hours. Eventually the mental health liason person showed up... For someone else who had come in after me and had self-admitted for ""ideation"" and had not actively harmed themselves. I will never shun someone else's struggle, but I felt like I'd been left in a ditch in my darkest hour. When he did finally get to talk to me, how told me how pathetic I was for doing this for attention and to get out of an exam, and that lots of people do this. I was sent home having received no treatment. It was 7am, I had to uber home alone, and promptly passed out between the uber and my house for several hours. Since then I have been a zombie. I don't want to reach out because I have been so conditioned that it will do nothing. I have turned to drink and drugs, I do nothing with my life but sleep. I cannot keep up with any commitment. Today I self-referred to my local mental health services, and told my boyfriend and he just.. Didn't care. I told him and his only answer was ""self referred?"" Like fuck, sorry for trying. And I know I'll likely be put on a waitlist for half a year... I'm sorry, this became a rant, but I need someone to talk to. I've made the first step, but I can see myself just giving up if I ever feel at all like I am going to be ignored, and I need to not do that, or I am never going to be okay.",4.97490909090909,5.0701804606060605,5.934696969696972,81.90204545454547,68.63636363636364,8.478787878787879,31.65151515151515,8.158263871857827,2.216133333333333,2544,100,513,31,40,844,290,660,0.2,0.716,0.084,-0.9979,3,2,2,0,0,4,103.0,0,0,3,4,24,30,6,2,29,1,62,18,3,7,8,104,111,56,4,12,21,1,3,5,3,3,10,2,4,4,15,40,2,4,12,4,0,14,15,18,0,5,42,7,84,12,84,59,6,81,0,5,1,3,40,30,5,8,42,354,99,5,0.0,0.1345581367505242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05548810163641869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176209979668171,0.0,0.0,0.047248354945307935,0.0,0.0,0.07722934668498041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046727917071936007,0.05054928331204818,0.0,0.0,0.053349893054118684,0.043662945577404966,0.047411784537688684,0.06922929257159817,0.0,0.048318508819281326,0.06397547028869048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151673072198457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057894481940237615,0.0,0.0,0.04891388908673646,0.0,0.0,0.12737486967860204,0.0,0.0,0.062373921424191715,0.0,0.05854121351138453,0.14672243143411226,0.057633976848324664,0.0,0.0,0.06507871974192887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05562613472724218,0.06585074060553098,0.058103615493032,0.09487052360750986,0.06387370558039226,0.0,0.0,0.06332852423112234,0.0,0.10272771008356572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028711403716312263,0.04056608717801281,0.10904197762894798,0.062203461954083765,0.0,0.048299948739692566,0.0,0.0,0.08774146013274424,0.15748607265026984,0.14833496863985526,0.05447183140968489,0.06454265325026483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06044700734383743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071624203344967,0.0,0.0,0.07612146006189853,0.0,0.17087520275180587,0.0,0.16776069406898358,0.06552044373558441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050471713463339465,0.12564488394207762,0.0,0.031206683066649612,0.09257213349725232,0.0,0.06012544376720488,0.1850860585933609,0.0,0.08021561881756853,0.13870755585071512,0.0,0.050140800902504654,0.10050308110719673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655046756969003,0.0,0.053729845743363466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061853791900682215,0.0,0.05720332255495681,0.17167299774332526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841674814478114,0.1313846241643416,0.05484178166560444,0.12077962446692815,0.0,0.0,0.1089704474637799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863727005815668,0.0,0.0,0.06305126895323485,0.0,0.0,0.03936647429552191,0.049581092819352766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06122213166992317,0.0,0.0,0.05708302160783413,0.0,0.0,0.05679878721778461,0.0,0.036376913398393516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643245465200866,0.0,0.0,0.04515645535384459,0.0,0.0,0.04524903461741241,0.05169349367627545,0.2961874595837912,0.12829820553166987,0.05828736546966265,0.04697183248406275,0.0,0.05682442912509522,0.0,0.14433722456895842,0.0,0.0,0.12712878135651048,0.04019159751741519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872472088218725,0.0,0.0621118460524023,0.06443715302991984,0.0,0.0,0.04269406567097979,0.091280725470995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03311086931896177,0.0,0.0538240434240348,0.3798129439393137,0.0,0.07710443074713473,0.06176405607987335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04904264396434624,0.0,0.0,0.1674616640298478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05263879998673657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0413390066425472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626664515601304 bpd,anonymousfroggy,2020/02/27,"Mental health care Hi I’m in the Uk and I just feel like the community mental health team and crisis team, also the hospital... majority of professionals actually, don’t have time for people with bpd/eupd, they act like I’m over exaggerating, faking the fact that I’m suicidal, and lying about all my difficulties. They talk as if I have to just ‘get on with it’ when actually I’m in desperate need of help. I’ve gone quiet after a few suicide attempts, I’m telling them I’m not actively suicidal when actually I’m waiting quietly for the right moment or the day I finally prove everyone wrong and kill myself...",4.604199623352166,6.259210983050848,6.9233333333333364,68.77806967984935,70.52542372881356,10.668173258003767,30.060263653484,10.746095033038511,3.728279472693032,488,20,87,16,9,174,79,118,0.287,0.635,0.079,-0.9832,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,3,3,6,6,1,0,7,0,3,2,0,0,3,17,16,10,4,2,5,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,6,0,1,2,2,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,3,8,3,14,15,3,14,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,2,9,48,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.4512650050489406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326837654759445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19413814578940228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15715941237594475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940970495258293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729057090917635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793950624175205,0.11012003578974723,0.0,0.16885649894137592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805335352350444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276943333182093,0.0,0.0,0.10331903431553376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053677195664402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061330364510006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106804718051068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429533647102814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686358630833556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163757359512873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5058233997459599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389458110256495,0.13472807684399205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988222350441455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685315488928684,0.0,0.0 bpd,Nightmareshella,2020/02/27,"Telling potential employer about my BPD? Hi all. I’ve successfully landed a job interview for tomorrow! I’m extremely excited, but I’m also nervous. I’m not sure if I should tell them about my BPD. I really want this job, as it involves art (which I love).",1.6708666666666687,4.2857234200000045,4.416,78.24466666666667,84.8,9.733333333333334,28.333333333333336,9.725611199111238,3.7231333333333336,201,10,38,8,6,71,38,50,0.106,0.767,0.127,-0.1403,3,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,3,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,7,6,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,4,4,5,1,2,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,1,1,20,9,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972283935073923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6212388884307886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4894806455870103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222591479143558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799626895706306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324440549684628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4311276403647842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454676366864354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,brooklyneileen,2020/02/27,"been misdiagnosed all my life. how do I get a correct diagnosis? alright so I’m 21 now, and I started showing signs of BPD when I was 10 or younger. I’m not really sure, but my mom brought me to start seeing a psychiatrist & therapist when I was 14 I guess. I’ve been to a few different ones but my main psychiatrist that I saw & met with regularly (met w/ therapist regularly too) diagnosed me with anxiety, depression, and ADHD when I was 16/17. when I was 18 I went back to the same doctor & he diagnosed me with bipolar disorder. I’ve always felt like there was more to it and that whatever is wrong with me has to be much more complicated than bipolar disorder.. I would literally sit alone sometimes racking my brain trying to figure out why I did certain things & what made me like this, just trying to get to the root of everything on my own since I hadn’t even heard of bpd until a couple years ago. I always knew for the most part how all my behaviors got started and what traumatizing, repetitive events made everything worse over the years and what feelings triggered my uncalled for outbursts/tantrums. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t stop, though. the few relationships I have been in have been toxic, because I got so attached so fast and I never wanted to be away from that person. I thought I was in love and that I was going to marry them, & when we’d break up I’d feel like the world was ending.. (my codependency is what I wish I could change the most about myself) I struggle w/ substance abuse and I don’t think my behavior was caused by drugs. I’ve been sober for long periods of time but while taking medicine to help treat my symptoms & still showed signs of bpd. I’ve gone down plenty rabbit holes doing research & every time I watch a video or read something about bpd I learn something new and understand myself a little better and everything I’ve read so far along w other people w/ bpd’s experiences and feelings and I relate to every word. learning about it gives me a sense of comfort just to know that it exists & that there are ways to treat it. and especially to know I’m not alone!! my question is, how would I go about getting a correct diagnosis so I can start getting the help I need? what credentials does someone needs to give a diagnosis? should I bring my girlfriend with me to the session so that she can explain my behavior from her perspective? this has interfered with every aspect of my life for long enough and I’m ready to try to change bc I can’t live like this forever. something’s got to give. I’ve pushed away a lot of people due to it. any advice would be greatly appreciated y’all thank you",3.949113300492609,5.743521218390804,4.877449370552821,82.23034482758621,72.44827586206897,8.113191023535851,27.754241926655716,8.77342768361299,2.1359690202517783,2124,80,411,41,42,691,254,522,0.084,0.802,0.114,0.9535,2,2,4,0,1,0,61.0,1,2,1,1,29,17,0,1,19,1,41,11,1,8,7,81,92,36,0,10,9,1,4,4,1,4,9,1,0,1,22,22,0,1,16,5,0,7,8,3,0,1,32,8,62,14,58,50,15,52,0,1,3,1,22,12,0,7,34,264,84,7,0.0,0.06971126040226837,0.0,0.0,0.07070966293855535,0.05749404080372492,0.05215472963235989,0.0,0.0,0.12187309093379706,0.0,0.0,0.09791284138477298,0.5099918705942854,0.0,0.04001062460782594,0.0,0.0450095218659126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055706854871708,0.04524139591379549,0.0,0.03586599338003023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05203582595911251,0.0,0.0,0.3705105881276073,0.06568064277226562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06044097102472903,0.1244817684844646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04697590762159119,0.06510112162019605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0506755214836783,0.11943498223495475,0.0,0.061471292569684775,0.13486273481884176,0.06022133030004514,0.05148794356519523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682312974435047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521113980058748,0.0607935088761244,0.0,0.03886074648897417,0.0,0.14871607490741418,0.0,0.15863451276971352,0.05755308047670436,0.0,0.0,0.08924803163825183,0.04203258361121079,0.05649196608127306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295791693117335,0.16932309479118346,0.0668759216861703,0.0,0.14117002013341864,0.06486710366511086,0.06481469301867035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887331160677964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466965914023168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311547746961254,0.11497755577396512,0.05896931600185976,0.05195343087981899,0.10413634771539444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05002042202167466,0.053101955711751525,0.11134444511323037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890823089228625,0.0,0.0,0.043251367081836564,0.08725257401409693,0.04537809440170675,0.05682435585004346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03986892287315636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371385676783234,0.0,0.08157920753086355,0.051373488902676484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590999451816767,0.0,0.1177042174302132,0.0,0.03769196785546746,0.0,0.0,0.06316804580287766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04688482333868828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04866990172343437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04985171015124139,0.13588491324097987,0.058190493189889614,0.0,0.16657822340179088,0.0,0.046986654786166135,0.04918968668101042,0.0,0.061508357156800066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05545240976827605,0.061153326066430126,0.04423749022534863,0.0,0.0,0.05416845592123006,0.0,0.13662669536411606,0.039088148156896964,0.03769985280506398,0.05780625481060363,0.04670936025921018,0.0686157073509159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983772620040918,0.0,0.0,0.12250109087208864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034703107372022736,0.046701426488617435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054541734624963416,0.10618101442041616,0.0,0.0676587111741148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05995910087277196,0.12538661704586318,0.06432813401451774,0.0,0.07577715056757643 bpd,Changing_my_Views79,2020/02/27,"Husband is doing what he can to trigger my BPD! Mental and emotional abuse is so much worse than physical especially when your already a complete basket case. I don’t know how else to put this post. My husband has been a meth addict for two years now and I am almost positive he is a sex addict with either meth psychosis or paranoid schizophrenic. Since we moved into this house I am now moving out of alone with my kids he has been concerned with ghosts which I’d agree is possible but since the beginning of January he has changed tune to the effects of people in the attic (not much crawl space mind you) and under the house with walls they hide in when we are “trying to catch them”. They drill holes and send probes and cameras and electro stimulation things up the holes and in the walls and reach 6 feet of needed just to “rape me in my sleep”. Except now “I’m awake and allowing it to happen” which he then considers it cheating on him as well as “a part of a kinky sex ring” all being done under my house. He moved out about 6 weeks ago and yet he comes over and has started placing small nanny cams around to listen and video record these. No video bug sound one time where something is going on in my sleep, but another when I make some noise nothing more than a “ehhh” sound yet now the fight has been on. I reacted so bad one day because he is obsessed with it that he listens to the recordings all day at work and when he gets to his friends house after and writes notes about everything he thinks he hears. I have listened to other recordings from those cameras and DO NOT HEAR anything, sounds from the tv on the distance with my door open and in another room. I feel completely prisoned and no where to make any kind of move in any direction and my BPD is being triggering to the lowest depths I’ve never in my life have faced. Because I’m not my medication that makes me ill and unmotivated (I’ve been on multiple kinds) I’m endangering my children but if it wasn’t for him and what he is putting me through I wouldn’t be this unstable. He makes me feel unstable and succeeds in making it worse. He keeps saying my reaction is on me and I know that to an extent but when does his crazy actions be considered in to what he is cause me mentally. The abuse is way worse than physical. He said I said I purposely started a fight just to call the cops and I’ve never done that nor want to. He has started making things up in his head of conversations. Manipulated me trying to get me to admit to this sex ring and cheating shit. Why would I admit to something I don’t understand and haven’t done. Why would I admit to it just for him to hang me. I’ve tried not to tell him he’s crazy but I can’t anymore. His family has said he’s lost it. But I’m alone in this fight. We try to work us out just for him to keep recording and “find more ammunition”. I know I’m missing details but I can’t even think straight right now. I’m supposed to be packing and my ADHD has completely taken over and this whole thing is all I can think of. I don’t know what to think anymore, and through the separation he says he can’t be friends because we weren’t put on this earth to be just friends. Am I the crazy one?",4.865829268292681,5.264340315384615,5.3338499061913724,85.05861350844279,68.92307692307692,8.556848030018761,28.930581613508444,8.482186458684032,1.8520393996247653,2535,85,535,36,41,812,280,650,0.159,0.792,0.05,-0.9977,2,2,4,0,5,0,36.0,5,2,3,5,27,18,7,1,23,0,56,16,6,15,5,112,106,50,1,6,20,2,2,0,3,3,6,15,2,2,30,46,0,2,16,3,0,13,19,11,1,4,14,17,61,7,90,82,12,84,0,2,0,4,69,43,1,4,26,347,91,3,0.0,0.14820948094716527,0.0,0.1363649867857396,0.07516606629688256,0.0,0.055441727513940296,0.0,0.06262905852839466,0.12955401641351602,0.06901916450717699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506450566635862,0.1311662547346007,0.0,0.0,0.12405423250824,0.0,0.0,0.051468610536826866,0.05567766634447454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052221858497771605,0.11437923152948275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754465386207467,0.0,0.0638646992937763,0.0,0.0,0.06425020069803714,0.06616355158408295,0.05387635625553637,0.19672945223011093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067176851619329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054732917944675503,0.1920135296600885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05224771760597394,0.07035389296296207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04130990483542329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562107629437837,0.0,0.05896117769503038,0.0,0.06324853100409142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05716433574146927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449646588960711,0.0,0.06535360622356816,0.0,0.03554535373401473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05530769725545026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418847183175402,0.0,0.1409838906504949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886707914359131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118445358357644,0.0,0.1302604790449217,0.1374907950149752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04417687222753989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827446618732347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504927418307224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300677869850478,0.12605984051515928,0.0,0.06315189001258804,0.0,0.0,0.26589867179223475,0.0919544794982034,0.04637578861474951,0.096476003716461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06001292024105055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714486147981324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772935667933493,0.0,0.043360326346347816,0.0,0.06534545719250733,0.0,0.0,0.07050927443374252,0.059900128162749484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18862281853111248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05341247049352429,0.17848178866974287,0.09947543821620401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642008011604157,0.10347454386214244,0.0,0.12517889068817736,0.0,0.0,0.0962992795510211,0.0,0.0,0.13280748270624984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05466645451253816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465491477466713,0.16030338811206607,0.0,0.0,0.036470070662253176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985383323115869,0.0,0.0610966702145169,0.06511079769912967,0.07523306389479407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036890234814158325,0.04964473558094612,0.050169246088353964,0.0,0.05623481594300413,0.0,0.11287296301116133,0.06982845125633229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106595654966172,0.0,0.19121388353472726,0.08885931924939379,0.0,0.0,0.040276463545731014 bpd,hisosih,2020/02/27,"Went broke trying to get better and learn coping skills. I'm now an (almost) homeless SZA, BPD sex worker and I can't fucking do it anymore. *TW* I spent a year trying to get into inpatient programs, but I couldn't afford to go private, and I wasn't a danger to others, so after some (not even) 24hr holds, I was released into a day patient program.i was at the end of my rope, constant hallucinations from my Schizoaffective Disorder, inability to work, to eat, to function from PTSD from years of childhood sexual assault. I finally thought I was going to get the help I needed. I thought someone was finally listening to me. I spent two+ months in group classes where we all essentially wallowed in each other's misery, unled by the case worker meant to be overseeing the meetings. I was devastated. I wasn't making progress, it was making me feel worse if anything. I had moved country (back to my home country) to get help, I had sold all of my belongings, completely reliant on my health service being able to provide me with *something*. My depression rared back, I'm self harming again, self medicating with alcohol, drugs, prescription pills, wasn't even fucking given medication to help with my hallucinations, so I'm too terrified to leave my house most days. I've taken up sex work to survive, despite having a general aversion to sexual activity because of past trauma. I want to just crawl up and die. I wasted all of my money and energy trying to get a broken system to work for a broken person. I'm sorry for this post, I have no one to vent to. I am sorry if it's been triggering for anyone to read. I'm not even sure of why I'm posting this. I just know it's a common struggle for those of us who are mentally ill, and I am so sorry for everyone who has to fight tooth and nail just to keep themselves safe and protected. You are loved, you are so worthy, and I'm thinking of all of us, wishing that we find the peace we deserve. If you have any tips or tricks for how to provide yourself with self care, any resources about how to deal with emotional regulation, anything! Please feel free to share. ❤️",4.929335699797162,6.2208613284313765,6.035131845841786,76.85205882352943,69.29411764705883,8.66680189317106,31.22582826233942,9.035553425615538,2.7683849560513867,1674,70,300,31,29,558,225,408,0.193,0.6659999999999999,0.141,-0.98,2,0,3,0,1,0,59.0,5,3,0,9,19,18,6,1,13,0,26,14,1,5,5,60,64,20,1,7,10,0,2,0,0,0,7,1,1,4,12,20,2,4,9,1,5,4,8,11,0,2,21,3,40,8,62,40,7,33,0,2,0,5,24,9,2,7,17,197,52,10,0.08804365786937003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409189447621884,0.08816300547614442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974541299369153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731565056980907,0.06156217269927373,0.0,0.14490485724132512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540027658175854,0.0,0.0536705966454805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786746059349207,0.0,0.0,0.11088790497211544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976637700002481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231210017534516,0.09514391607430436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356175131131592,0.09076914527927672,0.07583187351125273,0.0,0.09137541656748893,0.0,0.1009056596630972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210269111707117,0.09009064212364876,0.0,0.099037264750668,0.07798054813010301,0.0,0.0,0.1744560169896162,0.0,0.0,0.08412948812225114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903503766935415,0.0,0.0,0.1928950473117945,0.08047030824725535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16278988596726124,0.22999588684388275,0.0,0.10007447946810956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358629120808756,0.0,0.0,0.17704142396754655,0.0,0.08831496748405154,0.0,0.0,0.1015905602134704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825724847601535,0.0,0.0,0.04838649182443418,0.0,0.0,0.09322552118303924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946283868101199,0.0,0.11753965059602445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773894452816033,0.08872729904299233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027560772583864,0.09357647475528487,0.0,0.0652832567129998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05966066116006024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404763378385698,0.0,0.07687632604933846,0.0,0.09664549732632173,0.0,0.0,0.16864297344785908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291832451949734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806748373357873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275546210298146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459910560024834,0.06778030925178477,0.0,0.29567300023296683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204234753265847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298010558798967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056414820915602085,0.0,0.13979365955252365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17932759306744375,0.0,0.08600586049452646,0.0,0.21181135977436727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051930430543872017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161735291656888,0.07944570691215162,0.0,0.1012458614627648,0.0,0.0,0.19229049457141706,0.0,0.08972400914901163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339445808632476 bpd,yohopirate-o,2020/02/27,"My emotions feel like a confusing black hole I don’t know how to fix this. I’m at a point now where I can identity my emotions when I’m around other people, namely when talking with mental health workers. But when I’m alone, not so much. I think, due to trauma, I’m always on edge, yet I don’t really feel anything. I just feel like, hungry or disoriented and confused. Thanks to progress, there are times when my pseudo-hunger or disorientation will break away into actual and super intense emotions, mostly despair, but it’s taken me a year of a specific therapy to get to even that point. I don’t know if I’m at a place where DBT will be effective. I tried to before for months when I was even more disoriented and just felt nothing, and DBT didn’t do anything. Does anyone have advice? I can hardly function like this",4.247222222222224,5.635835759259257,5.262654320987657,81.37694444444449,71.03703703703705,7.8691358024691365,26.462962962962962,8.344100000000001,1.7549777777777766,651,21,124,10,12,214,101,162,0.086,0.795,0.12,0.7351,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,4,17,9,0,2,5,0,13,1,0,2,0,29,28,16,0,1,8,0,5,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,8,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,6,13,5,15,21,3,23,0,1,1,0,2,11,0,7,14,80,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.14220353097957095,0.0,0.0,0.14239773134335332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092391679356915,0.0,0.0,0.12125227491115875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189212435793182,0.0,0.2398333763531325,0.1297233650528014,0.0,0.0,0.13691049998601726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399858410804965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752219626113664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4917524928175674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19249585038665745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22104407786421426,0.20820747559452984,0.1399158538284158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613366610235374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053817878722102,0.0,0.0,0.15489554061961452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016986490398713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135770447085504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685337751470612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631381167635205,0.0,0.10712234631372608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982407078896988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010252011755534,0.0,0.152248345781595,0.0,0.2755085498196211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933531656055984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712572460682273,0.0,0.1341611256701904,0.16664566573979034,0.0,0.0,0.09337269456753264,0.0,0.0,0.08497159814045327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893558881194876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384011088491356 bpd,velvet-heroine,2020/02/27,"i want to thank you hi, it's my birthday and as usual it made me feel like shit. I'm scared of the future, that I'll never make my dreams come true, that it's too late, that I'm worthless. but you know, even though I'm in the lowest point in my life, i have friends that want to help me, people that support me and love me no matter what. I'm going to a clinic for a few weeks now. and i want to help you guys from Reddit, you really help me, gave me support and made me smile and I'm so fucking grateful for that. if you ever doubt yourself, i just want you to know, you're important. and you helped me. and i may never be fine, but I'm trying to be okay, partially thanks to you.",1.8435326418547893,2.6141097046979884,3.472593044539355,94.29173276388042,76.11409395973155,6.223550945698597,20.2568639414277,6.1124844417494595,-0.1373140939597315,522,10,127,3,11,174,81,149,0.107,0.58,0.314,0.9883,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,8,0,0,7,15,2,2,4,1,4,5,1,3,4,29,29,13,0,5,4,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,10,8,0,0,3,1,0,2,3,5,0,0,3,1,24,10,14,23,1,13,0,1,0,2,17,3,2,3,9,77,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931116360593578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914983554906108,0.13578801413565342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590287937915917,0.10724250379328523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597882031144365,0.13877930983313455,0.0,0.0,0.08531406671841713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148637891515293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4024768735330842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16499904525990144,0.0,0.16933676035612075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603097813666462,0.07333882372830977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354850498728202,0.2840857271079579,0.10020322510100277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23155657077949054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040711481597862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419076169803458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616779789473227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029174814308174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409134691868773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406984557280733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764122659383479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748766238457728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101918533214617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653309543488285,0.0,0.35416791491164096,0.0,0.12041355503233273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lotusfrusciante,2020/02/27,"Comparing myself and copying other girls As long as i can remember, I’ve always had phases in which I wanted to be/look like someone else. Someone people would like better than me. Right now, I have the same struggle. My boyfriend(20) of 1 year (we have a fearly healthy relationship in spite of my bpd) used to have a crush on a gay girl before he met me. (I’m his first girlfriend) They were friends but she ended the friendship because he touched her inappropriately although she was giving him mixed signals. Then she told the whole school about it to make him look bad. He stopped going to that school due to bad grades. He had already told me about this before his old classmate sent me a dm about why my boyfriend had chosen me as his girlfriend. He said that he was looking for a girl who looks just like that gay girl he used to like. To replace her. So fucked up right?! I have talked about this with my boyfriend and he said it’s bullshit and I believe him, since I look nothing like her in the first place. But now, I just can’t stop myself from comparing myself to her although I’ve never even met her. I check her instagram everyday and try to get to know everything about her so I can copy her. I KNOW IT’S SOO WEIRD and I feel so awful for being like this. It’s depressing. This happens to me all the time and I just can’t stop it for some reason. I’m like a stalker.. what can i do to stop this for ever and just be happy with the person who I already am and believe that people can like me for who I am? Please help",2.192666295884316,4.2489690096774195,2.9673526140155744,92.8275806451613,78.25806451612904,5.437152391546164,22.947719688542822,6.311591054244273,0.3741167964404899,1203,38,255,9,29,378,150,310,0.14400000000000002,0.7190000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.7423,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,1,3,16,19,2,2,12,1,22,3,0,4,3,36,47,19,0,2,6,0,2,8,3,1,0,2,0,5,20,11,0,4,5,0,1,2,3,8,0,2,13,8,48,11,36,31,4,28,0,1,4,3,49,8,1,1,26,169,68,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20368502987792156,0.0,0.0767913197334438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15411387379650365,0.0562581358328715,0.0,0.15706121680129,0.2079547869856211,0.0,0.08162156653420276,0.0,0.0,0.11623397558538485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948784077503694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709509378746092,0.0,0.08174010618893562,0.0,0.0,0.06095560023609335,0.0834801173463395,0.0,0.0,0.08294283922021968,0.0,0.0,0.10385007776628644,0.04666377454468964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700088653126776,0.0,0.0,0.07130176835502587,0.08531911409014532,0.04821686603759594,0.0885314171697475,0.052449609387702885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161030380760398,0.09824268957604007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185895133233961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143855293862733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606995006063226,0.0,0.0,0.08167230631026871,0.3874949511619351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061603205873212774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117848296123043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855318330525871,0.0,0.09684112330436126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127962275846644,0.08058264792142933,0.0964217076204846,0.1013049203111006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488781845861699,0.0,0.09908317506839244,0.10454473651517636,0.15762753325122916,0.17557475385009988,0.0,0.0,0.18680152183698734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634189615542637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639127858374202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086288502375608,0.0,0.09647984582829684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417789871475702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053814092691012665,0.0,0.0,0.17637099142366652,0.0,0.06265774756837737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941504662327094,0.0,0.0,0.05443407373863555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327590245223572,0.1030366730895159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555901257817484,0.0,0.0,0.059430686674250964 bpd,miesjumalajodelista,2020/02/27,"No matter how many people I have near me, I still feel like outsider. I've never felt like 'this is where I belong' or 'these people actually want me around them'. Never. Its always the same 'bet they fucking hate me' feeling. Even around my own family. I never feel like I'm wanted. People just tolerate me. Thats it.",1.0570967741935495,3.6163775322580674,3.038951612903226,87.07842741935484,88.19354838709677,5.035483870967743,15.81451612903226,6.6274283507984215,-0.023070967741935167,245,5,46,3,8,82,46,62,0.095,0.725,0.18,0.355,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,7,5,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,3,17,11,2,0,2,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,4,11,3,3,10,2,8,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,2,7,34,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.18403246776732607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569184338855024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357625627619389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455909546548395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777818416801346,0.0,0.2860638329757673,0.2694513650773643,0.1810718741120076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434446770802614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861893644461745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764003841916814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911963295903708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43634682063256014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.392224798166902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060480685244554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22246549820277664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,moody-moonchild-,2020/02/27,"Alternatives to self-harm I'm looking for alternatives when it comes to self-harm. When my partner and I get into a fight I get so upset and if I feel like he might leave me, I take it out on myself. Guilt and shame are the driving feelings here. I usually feel so embarrassed about the episode I just had and I end up punching myself. I leave bruises that last for weeks and my hand is usually sore and bruised and I'm scared I might break my hand one day doing it. I used to self-harm when I was younger, around 12. I would cut myself. I stopped after my parents took me to see a psychiatrist and I was put on Prozac. I quit Prozac cold-turkey when I turned 18 because ""I felt better""...oh boy was I wrong. I developed bulimia around age 19-20 and I would have considered that a form of self-harm. Now I am 25 and I've developed this totally new form of self-harm and I'm just sick of punishing myself. Self-help books for BPD and what not always say something like wear an elastic band around your wrist or put cold ice on your skin and honestly that just doesn't help me. I need something different but I don't know what.",1.5957651044607566,3.7290704285714327,2.83431582909844,92.6304799548278,80.64502164502164,6.4416337285902525,23.03049124788255,7.586124646067393,0.9010228119706379,883,30,195,14,23,284,129,231,0.128,0.825,0.047,-0.8688,2,0,2,0,1,1,28.0,0,2,0,1,15,12,3,5,6,0,15,9,5,1,1,39,33,22,0,4,7,1,7,2,1,4,4,1,0,2,9,19,0,1,5,2,0,5,3,9,0,1,6,11,36,3,21,23,3,30,0,0,2,0,10,9,0,4,17,119,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442479709470843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709689887727868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061850502362810734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973519685716802,0.0,0.0,0.12778826875706994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740082413537845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543481726317772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600655294949242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986552000219585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390722719508992,0.072484717889,0.09741976039997416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601977270079192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601613913791785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055761050071488266,0.08270535128870031,0.0,0.21486794180035929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913875115232958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520281391341368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21527102326050326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523304147801736,0.0,0.09799296281934876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875350927103746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266192429561732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20399535697582336,0.0,0.1079176906946554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068692730524743,0.10158150527886144,0.0,0.08085235074805168,0.0,0.6350841092259091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562213368046311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482706166961297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628705455656437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127283960094256,0.0,0.11036189319872446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876308872651899,0.22349287195669376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138697118965166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415187429657764,0.11093314390325644,0.0,0.0 bpd,GreyIsAlive,2020/02/27,"My girlfriend is bod, she’s often hot and cold. It makes me worry she’s cheating. Is this a common behavior with people of bpd? Is it common for a person with bpd to be hot and cold? And is me worrying about her cheating cause her mood swings towards me wrong?",0.4847708894878693,2.9233213584905684,2.279838274932615,92.20283018867926,90.13207547169813,4.538005390835579,18.892183288409704,6.1826913282559595,0.0598107816711595,204,6,41,2,7,67,35,53,0.268,0.732,0.0,-0.9445,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,0,8,6,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,8,0,7,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,2,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6635737086406457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706200617599355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17584474582224052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18263249089178468,0.2300210685559217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5350615660793906,0.0,0.0,0.288024551968029,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdbich,2020/02/27,"To someone lost I think it’s almost been a year since we talked. It’s sad, you know, when every person you’ve ever loved talks badly about you once you’re gone. I was his first girlfriend, what was I supposed to do? I’ve said sorry millions of times for countless things, but do I ever really mean it? When my heart is aching and my eyes well up with tears, I squeak out my apologies.. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” I’ve said it before, and now I think you know I’ll never stop saying it, because I can’t take back what I did. I can’t take back the way I made you feel and I’m truly sorry. I’ll never have the courage to face you again and I’m sorry. You talk so badly about me, “she was crazy” “she was a bitch” .. I’m sorry I hurt you so you feel this way. I loved you and even though it was short- it was real. I cared. I still care. I’ll always care. I hope you find someone who can make you smile, and lastly. I’m sorry. And I wish it actually meant something.",-1.902946001367056,-0.10580000956937496,0.5713930280246089,101.60175119617223,104.11961722488041,2.771346548188653,11.234586466165414,4.49470755709684,-1.7624623103212582,734,11,176,2,35,245,109,209,0.188,0.64,0.172,0.6369,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,1,11,0,2,17,14,1,0,4,0,15,5,3,2,4,31,44,14,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,13,10,0,1,9,0,0,1,4,6,1,2,14,6,35,8,10,30,0,22,0,3,1,2,27,3,1,2,16,104,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.08516650920157831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739197042203417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261868193988122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134216125031832,0.14573973233692455,0.053201217100566106,0.0,0.07426346224791018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26694395868124204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576434336766789,0.15788805586154292,0.07353182817365407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825637620339863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976655015576786,0.07423493620678144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103419715100287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866824430263023,0.0,0.0,0.0934282651077836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592664949452392,0.07113968652151745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952695165762008,0.0,0.15753578295469806,0.08258045350431117,0.05825585013139922,0.0,0.0,0.09506660805462183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346216638304164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294360660035464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620399935295231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993365392020231,0.0559097455792982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16603448476690932,0.0694035225706611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219367885383428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789338895419454,0.06718753233669082,0.0,0.6838700717298675,0.0,0.0,0.06969686286453196,0.0729646931146301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123787184845345,0.21044180198102547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057980746110103024,0.11184288317291294,0.08574593429947751,0.0,0.05088997681739256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854754854833864,0.0,0.0,0.07846950739889277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036040947698256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05620137989615224 bpd,astrid122,2020/02/27,"Fear of stigma Hello everyone, I must say that although this is my first post, this community has always been a tremendous help, everytime I felt hopeless I would read posts thinking and I'm not alone and bpd is not a life sentence. I have been doing better this past few years I'm free of cutting for almost 3 years, and I have been in a relationship with my wonderful boyfriend for 2.5 years, which has been long distance for past year altought we spent half of the year together and other half apart, in the begging I thought It was impossible for me but turns out it isn't, it was hard in the beggining of course, but I learned that someone doesn't have to be here 24/7 and always pay attention to me in order to love me, which was crucial in me getting better, because the black and white picture of the world is something I struggled the most. I'm also a law student and after years of not wanting to live I finally reached a point where I can say I want to. The thing I most struggle this days is fear of stigma, I always think who would ever hire me as lawyer one day when I have bpd. I mean the word personality disorder is what I think hurts me the most, it's basically saying you as a whole person are not good enough and it's not chemical inabalance that can be fixed with medication. I always say to people I struggled with depression, but I never say I also have bpd because of the stigma, even though research says that people with bpd can in fact reach a remission, the label stays. I always dreamed of having successful career and that is something that I worked hard for all my life, because no matter how bad I was feeling I still managed to achieve good grades and I never let anything I went through affect my work. The fear of not beign able to things I want because of stigma just kills me. For example when I read the news about people discussing what mental disorder trump possibly has and is it personality disorder just devastated me, I don't like trump or his policies, but trying to explain his behaviour with mental illness is just stigmatazing, having mental illness doesn't mean you are gonna write stupid shit on twitter and act like Trump. Im interested in knowing your experiences, did stigma stop you from doing things you want and is it possible to do highly responsible job and be successful without people doubting your mental fitness?",9.141873226111636,7.528166359823402,8.738530432040367,70.83271523178809,60.898454746136856,11.45417849258909,38.569221065909815,10.181067101454742,3.8417207820876698,1903,77,341,32,21,611,221,453,0.188,0.7040000000000001,0.109,-0.9936,1,1,2,0,0,1,32.0,1,6,0,8,15,26,4,7,20,0,47,7,1,2,6,74,71,28,1,7,15,0,4,2,0,4,5,6,0,3,26,21,0,1,13,3,3,2,14,15,0,4,13,12,50,12,48,50,7,42,0,3,2,1,26,15,1,7,23,245,76,17,0.06355595538444589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06364210867878822,0.0658248023050223,0.0,0.10165134911761428,0.2644182312064581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0523011359630432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05306656801198238,0.15497248198923144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242015543522288,0.0,0.0,0.3201860037000697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197666673992743,0.0,0.054740651243169534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21852189330097088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567029148991209,0.0,0.04197810912093552,0.05749000029234615,0.0,0.060730439000470426,0.0,0.062169919797669185,0.0,0.21455435824464986,0.03213580068516536,0.0,0.0610236840738174,0.06962244253310412,0.0,0.05406066318243481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033205363513051575,0.0,0.0,0.10661543996918788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386730472519264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04260021719215238,0.06715035632775508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803796473458439,0.0,0.06865133807190246,0.0,0.06306947887426702,0.0,0.07031524803469186,0.0,0.03492869094746528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499027042831633,0.08978290172186948,0.062100458931062676,0.0,0.05612107300354623,0.05624502052595421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736173112463115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384621349608695,0.0,0.06402593862420278,0.2561978180291231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803654178570276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04306716020955415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213427018414105,0.17624678808996466,0.16648382632265676,0.0,0.0,0.060080920938545015,0.14329958047637822,0.12173807353909655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271463090571794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823531093057622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032534800258324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523927487851347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05385075475037025,0.09785695903597973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774219205087488,0.050755868068592926,0.05313562454869332,0.0,0.19932745213555364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266712580365177,0.1221722698000564,0.06244340347400719,0.050456329306142814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04315032178355841,0.06913062890625961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994779665507835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05891700738125116,0.0,0.07095795447271715,0.0,0.061265672991048965,0.0689237224988875,0.09253898493530384,0.0,0.0,0.0902966543913336,0.0,0.0,0.2455677090224049 bpd,sunshine682,2020/02/27,"I have to share this DBT podcast I love I’ve been listening to The Skillful Podcast about DBT and I love it. I’ve been through a DBT group and I think this podcast is better than that group. I know that mental healthcare/DBT isn’t available to everyone and feel that this is a fantastic resource. It’s made by two psychotherapists from a DBT center in California. They talk a lot about how they personally use the skills which I find so valuable. Well organized and good sound quality. Check it out if you’d like, I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I do. I’m listening to this episode right now: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-skillful-podcast/id1461774020#episodeGuid=0cde5c9e-626e-4027-a652-c07c17265966",6.923749999999997,10.394729208333334,4.141666666666668,83.18000000000002,69.41666666666666,7.333333333333335,26.66666666666667,8.344100000000001,1.9006666666666683,595,20,98,10,12,161,75,120,0.0,0.72,0.28,0.9872,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,2,3,6,10,0,0,6,0,8,2,0,3,0,15,19,9,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,12,5,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,3,4,12,10,14,15,2,5,0,0,0,2,14,4,0,3,2,63,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032547231607281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196002757456182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162025305253248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21004884583100586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19275984499134527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275552557070475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22826043091911435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263015761081101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122771227216484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953824474389427,0.4148381661498425,0.2174586830307758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316017816213437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16894215630303128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006675991444633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962627158109101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847184378848523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725764420679074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244981052647323,0.0,0.2764419114550818,0.19848835635548484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20663334981741305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RisenDeath_,2020/02/27,"Isolation DAE feel like closing all social media and just isolate yourself from others, cuz you are too afraid of gettin this emotions that you can't control?",5.104523809523808,8.328438499999997,4.485714285714288,79.5259523809524,74.71428571428572,5.161904761904762,30.76190476190476,6.42735559955562,2.05374761904762,130,6,18,1,3,39,27,28,0.145,0.774,0.081,-0.25,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,7,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5248213976330847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5263563765645541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365986173634391,0.33428808403086097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22860614030860354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4769939928198017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bulls5959,2020/02/27,"Here for anyone and everyone who needs some help or support :) Hey guys! I’ve struggled with BPD my whole life and have dealt with many up and downs that have come along with it. For quite some time now I’ve been in a very positive, stable, and happy place in my life. After going through DBT multiple times and doing my best to apply my skills to my everyday life, I’ve finally come out the other side. I just wanted to let you all know, that if ANYONE needs some advice, support, positive reinforcement, or just someone to listen to you, I am here with open arms. In my life, my biggest struggles were stabilizing my emotions, dealing and keeping romantic relationships and other relationships, expressing my emotions in the way I felt them, rejection, loving myself, and supporting myself in crisis situations. Through all these struggles, I’ve gained lots of experience and have learned many healthy skills that have helped me deal with these situations and others. If anyone needs some new methods, advice, or support please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I love you all and believe you all deserve the world and more. You deserve happiness and you deserve support. For the people who are hesitant to reach out to immediate friends, family, ect. I am here, as a shoulder to cry on, as someone to support you with no judgement, and as someone to use my experiences to help you guys get through similar experiences. You all are loved and l am rooting for you. I also want to add how strong and beautiful I believe you all truly are. Joining this BPD reddit community is a huge, brave, and powerful step towards receiving support and knowledge. We are all in this together. Your strength is beautiful. I am here to give support, positive reinforcement, advice, or just someone to let it all out to. I am here judgement free for every single one of you, so if you ever feel alone, I hope you keep in mind that I am always someone willing to be there for you, and that you are not alone in this journey. You all are loved greatly by me and I wish you all the best🥰 ~ Your BPD friend",5.5646281296023545,7.114015234536081,5.963254786450663,76.99010309278351,68.04639175257732,8.944918998527246,33.187039764359355,9.330973305703688,3.150677172312225,1653,75,290,33,28,531,182,388,0.061,0.6679999999999999,0.271,0.9984,1,2,1,0,0,0,52.0,1,20,1,8,14,27,0,3,8,0,26,10,2,3,11,81,57,33,0,10,11,0,2,0,2,1,4,1,0,2,17,36,0,2,5,0,1,6,3,4,0,1,3,3,49,24,57,50,19,37,0,1,0,4,44,22,0,13,8,220,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18153220257029565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282677318784474,0.0,0.04952004235911613,0.051525147963225285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989463796064335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953271289370248,0.1299693704898984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339706939995165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668288348105412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801983972030796,0.0,0.12768041095239846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931076054600408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05601317197292886,0.052173052793640144,0.059170368871570476,0.0,0.1817186149658268,0.05837577823665713,0.0,0.03131028215537472,0.0,0.0594560809369744,0.06783395072101453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568357927132516,0.0,0.032352369584659674,0.059402473937150216,0.035192439636348535,0.0,0.0,0.06827065923163968,0.0,0.12262760939742773,0.0,0.13183701320101446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451765243698384,0.0,0.0,0.061503811187892485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008055231410034,0.0,0.0,0.03403142742878239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664154376611067,0.17495303839979906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052644977091852084,0.2235527913592049,0.0,0.0,0.12556101827217653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252488282491221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774603175639527,0.0,0.05980591108744576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04196083212621931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04292982084170322,0.0,0.06469667104638409,0.0679731905448543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586305412915493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296490472585668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920877220822733,0.0,0.0,0.2623370648256965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19420704120053636,0.0,0.0,0.5621586356670091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221595091830567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05348185116065418,0.0,0.0510932094086765,0.07304793597401381,0.049151834956225084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913515544470633,0.07120874146727679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bew208,2020/02/27,"DAE find they're always at the centre of drama? I hate it. I'm never sure it's because I'm always at different life milestones to the people around me, or whether it's because I'm crazy. I was given an Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder diagnosis but it was rescinded and called a sustained trauma reaction instead. Ever since then, I can't help shake the thought they got it right. It's stopped me doing so many things in my life because it's on my medical record, but now I have only a few symptoms, not enough to qualify. I'm extremely high functioning. The anxiety spells recorded on my record have stopped me getting into so many high level jobs and I'm so bitter about it. My record reads like a real mess. The one area of my life where I feel it still applies is interpersonal relationships. I don't make friends easily since the trauma, I seem to attract shitty people, particularly needy ones where the relationship becomes one sided. I feel like people can sense there's something wrong with me. Professionally I'm okay, but on a personal level no one wants to be friends. I've isolated myself from my housemates currently because of a bad dynamic that I feel I created. I'm about five years older than them, and they are very young but I tried hard to be a nice person, approachable, doing nice things for them, and it was received well. But I'm blunt and when I get pissed off I make it known. One girl decided she hates me because I asked her firmly to turn her music speakers down in the shower as it woke me up early in the morning. This was a no no because everyone else just puts passive aggressive or sickly sweet messages in the group chat. Another was always in my room crying and I asked her for space and she's ignored me since then. And the other two just go with the flow; since the others dislike me, they've distanced themselves too. I realise I bite at everything. Rather than just letting small things go, I bite back. Everyone says I used to be so angry, and I guess I still have that. I feel like I have no tact, I'm like an open book and then I get upset when people don't reciprocate. And why am I surprised people don't like it when I am so undiplomatic?! That's how the world is. Not everyone wants to be open and people have agendas and I forget and get hurt. I have unrealistic expectations, I guess. It's just drama, which I hate, but I realise I cause... I've got a dissertation to write and I'm so incredibly lonely. I'm so mad at myself, and I'm mad that I make myself lonely by being like this. I don't know what's wrong with me.",3.6913445780823215,5.427755850687626,5.015950932004412,81.21253533949881,73.00785854616896,7.9521012027409075,26.952944558915128,8.628873520835908,1.9997445109971728,2044,74,394,38,41,680,236,509,0.249,0.6609999999999999,0.09,-0.9983,4,4,1,0,0,0,55.0,0,0,4,0,30,37,8,2,24,1,30,7,1,6,3,69,73,40,0,4,16,0,5,6,2,0,6,2,2,4,27,23,0,3,10,5,0,7,12,20,1,7,10,9,62,17,41,57,2,58,0,3,0,0,27,32,1,5,25,255,89,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019368655505005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569334965003438,0.05522211768748464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064260873726061,0.13496839297316268,0.0,0.0,0.05550660362357186,0.060272322368959325,0.26402361437799066,0.07972380211506769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371001060782602,0.0,0.0,0.07415494048163139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929296769048155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541904050431097,0.08273144775908309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060302167888643614,0.08119957118638077,0.0,0.07458746866482438,0.0,0.0,0.06529639960566974,0.0,0.2069305440791799,0.06487615190672416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459977089939987,0.10313943284277356,0.0,0.0,0.06597672643083513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154150011038083,0.0,0.15085689156195048,0.0,0.0820499721995397,0.0,0.1154675298703288,0.0,0.15904210741975774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466450681464521,0.21380628869504426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04838477632496088,0.15253701437270498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727664134761451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163349929646387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039671555926436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738151095284105,0.15296138977498647,0.2115986968918836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455421274742694,0.1463706148967471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271983392372004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0556743188019207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445756208579143,0.054900730947930486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300268237410418,0.18909017909489176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256690111309137,0.0,0.0,0.07220556759754335,0.08216350912405479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500156921492342,0.0,0.061646477791394524,0.0,0.0574052308021208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657154533543766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388521298952315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055572334918388165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152957184514304,0.12070151178239705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680344818458843,0.07502892785846428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387157838311118,0.0,0.0,0.0573076469691337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04900957801295363,0.07851767519742653,0.07051526523125358,0.0,0.0,0.0623455555547683,0.0,0.05956103718420892,0.08515438511559048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490391288966611,0.0,0.06513666699202822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578481903339791,0.0,0.04648543856043587 bpd,svaa29,2020/02/27,"Symptoms of BPD Hey guys, I have been diagnosed with BPD and depression in september. I'm learning more about bpd, learning how to live with it and cherish this different part of myself through books and experiences. However, I feel kind of odd about something. I am using Effexor since October, but often I'll feel numb / empty feeling. And when ever someone I love (in my case opten my mother) does something that hurts my feelings / annoys me + having a stressful day / other factors that may make my day shitty, results in me throwing a tantrum. I am 20F, and I feel like 5 sometimes. I end up crying on the floor and loose control. I end up throwing paper and not harmful things, and I become so angry and sad at the same time. Does anybody have similar situations? How do you deal with it to make it easier for you and people close to you? It is very painful to see, in my case, my mother trying to help me out and calm me. And I feel very disgusted by myself when I behave in such way. I am a very empathic and kind person with others, and I feel very disappointed to not be able to understand people close to me and ending up throwing tantrums. Thanks guys!",5.213095238095235,6.157298285714287,5.9848928571428575,78.75177380952384,68.375,8.651904761904763,31.45119047619048,8.841846274778883,2.622076547619048,912,37,167,15,15,299,129,224,0.242,0.66,0.098,-0.9918,2,0,2,0,0,0,30.0,0,3,0,1,10,19,4,1,5,0,11,5,0,7,1,46,26,21,0,0,3,2,7,1,0,1,4,0,0,3,10,22,0,1,10,1,0,3,2,12,0,0,1,8,29,7,31,23,3,27,0,4,1,1,12,14,0,2,10,115,39,4,0.10401376791102243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487503471100975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930050985281147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666028518241632,0.0,0.0,0.11425423993998772,0.1341605509165675,0.10723362748704164,0.08958690588889648,0.10557178495707377,0.0,0.10867224926502014,0.0,0.0,0.18204629847069695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763759763416411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408640797611446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101745423694224,0.0,0.0,0.3681474042389719,0.07430745657856798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20597996650641573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971823611462996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134888981266612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166286664189686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05081587306296968,0.0,0.09184606268599953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387648650832843,0.0,0.13885999552150405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067798257323756,0.0,0.0,0.1126367745799488,0.0,0.14422010022949927,0.09082081014184916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288550631715623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604126366461752,0.11691583313802822,0.0,0.0,0.08813052801357453,0.1601497603816654,0.10287227608915996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191474197162379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811013101998007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576190280202784,0.0,0.0,0.06910212559787934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065126452548129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061852076854136,0.0,0.0,0.10828200063791803,0.0,0.08983449946471629,0.0,0.3432890069183793,0.0,0.08256128752538894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cultofeuphoria,2020/02/27,"How To: Renew a Relationship Hey I recently sabatoged a relationship with my crush after he said he was really into me and now he is scared of me and running away!!! How the hell am I supposed to salvage this? I feel like I've ruined any connection we had! He said I don't have all the qualities hes looking for in a person. Which just makes me angry. You like me, but not all of me. Fuck off. Fuck this shit",0.8023398692810453,2.925635952941178,3.225098039215688,88.76183006535948,83.58823529411767,6.601307189542485,21.20915032679739,7.793537801064563,0.9414052287581702,316,10,69,6,9,109,60,85,0.281,0.682,0.037000000000000005,-0.9758,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,1,0,0,4,8,4,1,5,0,7,3,1,3,2,14,14,5,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,4,4,13,2,11,10,2,8,1,1,1,2,13,4,4,0,5,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179815430147325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097237810603204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128674080157219,0.15946935783292304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127290325530784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181093262559163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874496916872469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900196651922315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19490824929356806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430012954941798,0.0,0.2204041269519995,0.4793123255482604,0.0,0.0,0.4246691908962669,0.0,0.22348348570975168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22913348039783335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,stereoworxxx,2020/02/27,"I think I am borderline and I'm scared So yeah, as the title says, I think I figured out what's going on in my mind. I'm almost 24 and probably that started when I was 16 more or less. During that time I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, lost around 20 kg, minimum weight reached was 38 kg. Going through counselling, I was able to recover, however, life felt empty 90% of the times. I was jumping from one relationship to another until university, when I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and started hormonal treatment. On my side there was my then boyfriend, everything was going quite well. We loved each other, he understood me, even when I had my tantrums and anxiety issues. I thought that being moody and always anxious of life in general was something I was born with, just a part of my personality. Last year things got worse. I wasn't anymore excited with my relationship and wanted more. I thought the problem was only sexual, because personality-wise there was nothing wrong with my ex boyfriend. Nevertheless, I broke up with him to enjoy the pleasure of being free and developing other relationships. Now I regret it so much. I tried to fix everything since I feel like I still love him, or not? I still haven't figured it out, but I miss what we were. But he got fed up with me. We live together and the situation is making me crazy. I feel like I can't no longer hold myself together. I started having panic attacks, being so angry to destroy and throw everything comes across my hands, not eating anymore, sleeping most of the day and, obviously, crying myself to sleep once I wake up because of nightmares and voices in my head. I know I am not good enough to live in this world, but I don't think I deserve going through this hell. Two days ago we had a big fight. He said to me he is going to find a new place to stay because he feels uncomfortable in living together, especially realizing he doesn't feel anything towards me. I felt like my whole mind was leaving my body. Like, no one wants to deal with me anymore. I am scared of staying alone, being alone. Even he, after all we went through, is leaving me. I started self injuring and having panic attacks every night. And what's worse is that he got annoyed seeing my scars on my arms. He said that doesn't want to live controlling and caring about me 24/7 and that our relationship is over, forever. And that was my choice. At that time it was easier to just give up on him instead of facing the problem and talk about it. I was ashamed of myself and hidden everything until now since I started freaking out. I feel that if he can't understand me, probably no one will. I am alone, again. Only because of such disorder and narcissistic personality. Sometimes I think so high of me, other times instead that my life has no value. I don't know what to do. I am currently living abroad, it's difficult to reach my parents and I don't want to disappoint them. Also, I have no idea how to get counselling here. Probably the best choice is to just give up. No one is going to accept myself knowing the truth. I've never been such scared.",4.255631313131314,6.149304028619528,5.267563131313137,79.33801136363638,71.84511784511784,8.249663299663299,29.378367003367003,8.901047299222334,2.518376094276094,2459,101,450,49,48,807,267,594,0.184,0.7120000000000001,0.10400000000000001,-0.9949,3,3,1,0,1,0,78.0,6,0,1,4,30,40,7,6,12,1,51,19,8,3,4,95,104,39,0,8,12,2,9,4,0,1,6,4,0,3,25,39,3,2,24,0,1,10,19,24,1,5,34,14,81,17,70,65,11,70,1,5,1,2,39,27,1,5,35,319,106,0,0.0584163612321352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051782579590740375,0.0,0.0584955475480862,0.18150519835117387,0.0,0.04671554297208851,0.0486070921822659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125464816825892,0.04468835644997147,0.06599386063616243,0.17380000019329125,0.0,0.0,0.048071687897494206,0.05200294648438765,0.0,0.1329140883225514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244028642418996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130436711004169,0.0,0.0,0.06488740830294022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955937352255085,0.0,0.0,0.050320522663365994,0.0,0.0,0.06551891636585702,0.0,0.0,0.06416762979249874,0.07534744065947795,0.06022470337651738,0.0,0.11858275399174692,0.0,0.0,0.06695021092822022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977452120104355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060359716830457114,0.0,0.0771669113120024,0.0,0.04921830381507455,0.0,0.2100034350669064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768533727115846,0.08346532027275654,0.11217773538321243,0.0,0.053391495864556965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03052013769739502,0.11207659330075093,0.19919618576277187,0.04899687225602867,0.14016270154048546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05995203974479421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617200929225389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594496136715325,0.0,0.06097150407922883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963123132400631,0.04761713113206298,0.0,0.12370898377626573,0.0,0.0,0.12378361054590295,0.11415713349456283,0.0,0.25791358602662995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376835892192284,0.0,0.10544609347803548,0.0,0.038993374732929235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796774442355785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04294274697828953,0.0,0.045054299036660285,0.056418885693383415,0.0,0.054819797783523035,0.0,0.05605207410020857,0.0,0.0,0.0622115182084381,0.1583377527928252,0.08885655011818333,0.0,0.13707802679551054,0.06486445603802073,0.06325922658155722,0.0,0.0,0.1020138268076184,0.061032664198883674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18894815286920133,0.1117931367944872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062132990782410275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25086924100164604,0.0,0.0,0.1111346734877599,0.0464550351128504,0.17545490522993842,0.0,0.04655027671022698,0.0,0.060941004900108973,0.0,0.0,0.0966452353384855,0.06566243757451018,0.11691709765918233,0.0,0.0,0.04497176884168939,0.0577752749610707,0.0,0.20673700573733245,0.12452813705854693,0.0933027630789464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046952858385955004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03880923469946063,0.14972338211307026,0.0,0.09275213129489188,0.1362522000255639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03966087472596015,0.0,0.0570642966945239,0.060813492206281274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782193348177582,0.0,0.0,0.07113539052139776,0.05252332427064176,0.05415255211066875,0.0,0.06521978114715092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906252548981178,0.0,0.06386912065332193,0.0,0.03761822137785948 bpd,awayspasthere,2020/02/27,"What behaviors should someone take from their partner with BPD. Hi folks, I hope my question doesn't come across as rude. Feel free to inform me if my judgement is poor. Also apologize if this is all over the place, I am not all that clear minded. For a bit of context as to why I am asking this question; I recently told boyfriend (Diagnosed with BPD) of 1 year that I wanted a break/ and or breakup depending on where things go. I mainly did this because I felt sort of obligated since I felt I was developing some bad behaviors in response to his difficult behaviors. Even though it feels like the right thing to do it still hurts to be away from him. I need some help separating what I should be hurt by and what I should understand as a symptom of BPD, as he often defended some of his hurtful actions as being such. So where do you guys thing the line should be drawn from your experience? If explaining some of what he did would help you all help me just let me know. All discussion is appreciated. Thanks!",5.9851870748299305,6.4171209540816365,6.13204081632653,80.19034013605444,66.5,10.002721088435374,31.639455782312922,9.928628108626363,2.8500659863945565,801,30,160,17,12,255,123,196,0.115,0.768,0.11699999999999999,-0.2677,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,3,1,0,10,10,1,0,6,0,21,2,0,1,5,42,37,14,0,11,6,0,4,1,1,5,2,0,0,2,14,5,0,0,10,0,2,3,2,6,0,0,6,4,24,5,28,21,10,16,0,3,0,0,23,9,0,14,4,119,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663256117850852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296541337787665,0.0,0.11352946504147972,0.0,0.10089307076521213,0.07366054645021314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192169170314644,0.0,0.4565663986699772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408957437800807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264606703458394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981108431907669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820086266361662,0.0,0.0,0.12219669498479865,0.08632531224521879,0.2320431528273467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867392300512397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196467066944032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429816109538535,0.0,0.0,0.12001748209796033,0.0,0.0,0.3880725349981603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664083436996172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356306802983398,0.0,0.05903439992641987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200998377468365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895984144781079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624797405458313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270728105104819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931104092862985,0.0,0.0,0.10319334317597884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999568454340501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023840096190578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096499841249165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559494358824613,0.090853686082468,0.0,0.0,0.1112496180223944,0.0,0.0,0.24083434598806264,0.0,0.11872082483459535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154640427904312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579460993556987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127224458717782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903575793889278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583847686654268,0.0,0.0,0.0778144670371187 bpd,Adstrocat001,2020/02/27,"I feel like I'm slowly losing my girlfriend I don't have bpd but my girlfriend has it, I recently discovered that she suffers from this because of her abusive father, I love her so much, and even though she has bpd I am willing to accept it too, we've been together for 4 months now and we've been through so many difficult times together, all the mood swings, the splitting, she said something about object permanent because I'm too busy with work and we couldn't have that much time together, I tried to calm her down when she's in her manic state and comfort her when she feels like the world is collapsing around her. I've try my best to make her feel like everything is okay :( What even more difficult is that we're in a long distance relationship now and recently she keeps saying she needs time off from me, she keeps on worrying that she was acting too much for me and that I deserve better because she brings nothing but sadness in my life, that's not true at all but I couldn't do much to convince her. Today, she decided to cut all connection with me, no texting, no social network, no calling, she specially stated that she will cut me out and need time off. God it hurt so bad everyone, I don't know if she'll be back and I feel so useless with all this distance What do I do now, the stress is getting to me, I feel so devastated :(, please help me to understand this from your perspective because I'd love to do anything to make her feel better again",5.035523602821487,5.746373120274915,5.386594320853682,83.7224633749322,68.65635738831614,8.875456682944474,30.77970699945741,8.99025400887824,2.3918824742268043,1162,45,234,20,19,370,145,291,0.2,0.633,0.16699999999999998,-0.9289,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,1,1,0,5,20,27,2,1,5,1,24,3,0,2,5,42,45,20,0,5,5,1,6,3,2,3,1,2,0,0,15,14,0,2,10,0,0,2,8,11,0,0,4,8,47,15,30,35,10,31,0,5,0,2,36,11,0,1,19,164,62,1,0.0,0.12489018669398735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674106862456257,0.09383467373353567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105155966720491,0.08801053233050174,0.2570207787579485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061825675471423,0.1864480424341296,0.0,0.0,0.26551312517568665,0.0,0.1076324424993898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924080144497786,0.0,0.0,0.10072100882592573,0.0947331119898222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197820056344719,0.2259085770710265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055070863417276364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706521626126216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284048920636015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873813615266888,0.0,0.0,0.05792898992827026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445215764598367,0.1544897659650003,0.0,0.0,0.09328197362059457,0.0,0.11792359176915478,0.0,0.0,0.1902680606945588,0.0,0.14072012619255694,0.10686626322233754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841349479711073,0.0,0.3099454107385486,0.15631606996158873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011409629810127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570535143450915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20815360550321568,0.1131677864937732,0.0,0.0,0.10026629770235954,0.08382396302107514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744927238607052,0.0,0.08114754147145899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074348609200462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356194843869976,0.0,0.24585492936854264,0.0,0.09991361346383687,0.0,0.0,0.14312901446899326,0.0,0.0,0.10973251681972483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673763002387278,0.10704603476693128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sf9798,2020/02/27,How to get over a breakup? My boyfriend has finally left me. He can’t deal with me anymore. I don’t know how i’m going to manage. Any tips?,-2.0729032258064493,-0.2779763548387031,0.5312258064516122,102.29683870967743,102.87096774193549,3.7703225806451615,19.103225806451608,5.6839178017228535,-0.3886825806451609,107,4,27,1,5,36,26,31,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,4,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,14,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826776586630787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4122443282068343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4285493502410241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4553587396677524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21717641509522306,0.0,0.2362413627439899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284476687315252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516391409927061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,preciousorgans,2020/02/27,"Boyfriend was in love with someone else while I was gone. Not sure if I’m the one being an asshole. I was in a relationship with someone for 3 years and I split on him big time. He was perfectly loving beforehand but then got addicted to a couple of video games and prioritised playing them over me. I also found out that he had made friends with a girl online playing one of these games and I got really jealous that he was spending more time playing these games with her and his other friends rather than me. So I left for 4 years. Cut off all contact, including with his friends. Moved away. Made it impossible for him to find me. I got back in touch with him around 6 months ago and he was delighted. He said that he’d missed me every day and he tried to forget about me but couldn’t. He’d been really depressed and even went to the psych ward. He quit playing those video games soon after I left because he realised they had affected our relationship. He tried really hard to find me, and even used that girl he was friends with as a second pair of eyes. He said that searching for me together brought him and that girl together and they dated for about 7 months, but he left her because he realised he was spending around 70% of their time talking about me and the relationship wasn’t going anywhere. He tried to replace me with her but it didn’t work. He always maintained that he didn’t really like her and just used her as a way to move on. But last night, after I pressed him for the truth, he told me he was in love with her “at one point”. I was distraught (and still am). I am so upset that he fell in love with someone else while claiming to have still been in love with me all that time. I feel like I’ve been stabbed and I want to resume cutting again even though it’s been 4 years since I last did it. But on the other hand I know that I was gone a long time and that he needed someone. I just hate that it was the girl I suspected he was interested in before. Not sure whether to continue with him or just ditch him again and move on. Am I being unreasonable?",3.6846993609977687,4.92614350119332,4.128545692509047,89.53665409192396,72.22195704057279,7.411224882592963,25.92663022557549,7.831003766801068,1.2172356763415195,1633,52,352,21,31,513,174,419,0.102,0.738,0.16,0.9835,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,1,0,4,3,22,28,4,2,13,0,32,8,2,5,6,67,60,34,0,5,15,0,5,2,4,0,1,2,0,4,22,31,0,0,6,10,2,9,6,8,0,4,36,8,52,20,58,19,3,62,0,2,1,5,69,23,0,2,31,229,74,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477804221874832,0.0,0.0,0.06893618701760032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062190633073994264,0.06470878089776741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845910623406055,0.0,0.0,0.07306511612000824,0.05979839894933778,0.0,0.09481267929663337,0.0,0.06617440552402158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604824771789953,0.0,0.05015359703640683,0.0,0.06698102455593542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992951676055048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409407966398447,0.0,0.06552246379575427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03932157922739899,0.05555710987441353,0.0,0.0,0.14215615263503364,0.0,0.0,0.08526803799470459,0.240331877203008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04419705630562608,0.0,0.18659329609787895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966439529588161,0.07677929540281493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04273897830820525,0.12678176648999806,0.0,0.0,0.25348381391505986,0.0,0.0,0.07598653414112226,0.0,0.0,0.06882178080532275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509409765662318,0.14717095737630187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414653598316253,0.24796360144701626,0.0,0.05766360790672016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297952056733263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580917901069271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351541403574448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271529742996782,0.0,0.0,0.1992793799114027,0.0,0.0,0.25047953942234724,0.0,0.0,0.14794938174656175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433007075264725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26356856517963184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124210434777553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465898765963756,0.0,0.0,0.06250656209649094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640616336237961,0.0,0.22673424191968364,0.0,0.0,0.07431016865168957,0.0,0.1583970612703489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433228338254533,0.0,0.0,0.04586928005864496,0.06172821320524165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209124167404256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056615658396157176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502391401511406 bpd,carp_biker,2020/02/27,"Few months into schema therapy and it's good! I was diagnosed with (quiet) borderline over a year ago. I never considered making a reddit account before this because I just liked reading funny stuff, but I looked up this subreddit today after a pretty heavy therapy session. I've had introductory sessions once ever two weeks since September and started the main trajectory (therapy twice a week) in February. For the first time in my life, and for the first time in therapy, I really feel like I'm taking steps and moving forward. I'm still afraid to relapse, especially because the last few weeks have been pretty good for me. But it's really cool to see a community here of people who get it and understand what it can be like. I shared a lot of my past and my negative emotions in group today, and though I'm feeling a bit down still (emotional hangover I think) it's also amazing to give and receive support from others and truly get to work on myself. My therapists have also mentioned that it's absolutely possible to get to live a symptom-free life (basically cured!) if you really put the work in before your 30s. Considering I'm 22, this is a really exciting prospect for me :) To any others out there, you can do it! Living with and overcoming borderline is possible.",6.689047619047617,7.5338128907563044,7.802201680672272,67.38495518207284,65.05042016806722,11.388683473389356,34.35406162464986,11.20814326018867,4.3203016246498605,1020,44,167,30,15,347,143,238,0.019,0.752,0.22899999999999998,0.9949,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,3,0,4,9,11,0,1,14,1,11,3,0,1,2,26,29,16,0,1,4,0,2,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,16,14,0,0,4,1,1,5,2,1,0,4,3,6,17,10,28,25,5,36,0,0,2,0,9,12,0,2,24,118,33,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570356486823905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463457398631894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574769317504013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787400728090662,0.0,0.16454006819370962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555269542316303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981311169635457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21751051778710487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874552259350175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777156706321992,0.06907028914723734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644768651513178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153848774679496,0.0927470556708202,0.0,0.16218607311275265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880947451961144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657999504712007,0.14170315634545436,0.0,0.1707455590287822,0.0,0.08118929292336835,0.0,0.0,0.08219635138922132,0.0,0.0,0.06453659217573507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717137515223797,0.10275863094541224,0.0,0.0,0.07456781934386146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296414215876412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922947760579403,0.06702775523720554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179909049091334,0.0,0.1967225521455916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719302703633938,0.0,0.0,0.09670907226347313,0.0,0.2477501875579349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704376049243426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997710100096324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843266025720852,0.0,0.1544221912295832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067879904398087,0.0,0.10971461881622292,0.0,0.1004905611511598,0.07269351485208166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4422613274538386,0.1122563085976238,0.0,0.0619505038790797,0.09499046671074377,0.0,0.11275316289398706,0.0,0.1832881848356594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444515302389636,0.100650317449561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326595921154933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077261774499647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062260623197336176 bpd,justovermyself,2020/02/27,"FP is online and not talking to me... I mean, yeah, he messaged me eighteen minutes ago saying he loves me, and I'm meeting him for lunch in twenty minutes, and it's obviously just work stuff he's doing on WhatsApp (although even if it isn't who fucking cares, he's allowed to talk to other people)... AND YET... Any time I see that ""online"" under his name and he's not messaging me, my brain tells me he's abandoning me and he's talking to someone else because they're better than me and I'm worthless and he hates me and he's going to leave me or he's cheating on me and and and... and I just sit there staring at the screen like a twat, waiting to see how long he's spending talking with someone else, full of absolutely unfounded resentment and sadness. This is RIDICULOUS. I'm so sick of it. I hate my brain so much. (and he literally messaged me as I was typing this saying ""MY DARLING, I love you!""... but still... still my brain carries on...)",1.6472058418297062,3.7902567958115183,3.4666519702397345,88.11325434003858,80.51832460732984,5.487021217966381,26.80655828051805,6.5966054737557815,1.1712450261780112,732,32,147,7,19,245,107,191,0.13,0.8009999999999999,0.069,-0.8283,1,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,1,0,2,10,14,6,0,2,1,5,8,3,2,1,30,19,23,0,1,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,9,16,1,2,1,0,1,1,3,9,0,0,1,6,24,5,18,18,2,15,0,3,4,3,30,7,1,2,7,91,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024697401380355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922477514773304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269196685226113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997283191762342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4542962028747368,0.0,0.0,0.1383058645754537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266390396896052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959661388633387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540773436158262,0.0,0.0,0.07709394022202523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678557761468083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363547620635236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627252820012867,0.0,0.0,0.12004741263058913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448617616681607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776437890790356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971954701351124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404375132590033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21575122151790754,0.0,0.0,0.21619355227760667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298743503170472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21666311365794444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528864747903467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4361265264752721,0.1185654926344622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909954894718722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875599302002233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,seraquesera,2020/02/27,"Can things return to normal after your FP leaves and returns? After yet another argument, my FP left me and only took me back after excessive begging. I just can't look at him in the same way anymore. He left me in my time of need when I was desperately crying for affection, wouldn't take me back when I begged the first few times, and didn't seem to care that I would be homeless if he kicked me out (but maybe I'm interpreting that convo wrong). He apologized for breaking up and is sweet again, and I still love him more than anything, but I feel completely and absolutely unloved. I'm crying all the fucking time and I can't even go to him for help anymore. I'm terrified if I say one more upsetting thing he'll throw me away again. He took me back but I still want to die. **Has anyone else had their FP abandon them only to return? Were you able to feel loved again after they gave up on you?**",2.2194796380090485,4.276508620879124,3.432546864899809,89.52127666451197,78.17582417582419,6.699935358758888,22.244343891402718,7.724431198458867,0.9039795733678088,707,21,149,11,17,229,109,182,0.17800000000000002,0.73,0.09300000000000001,-0.9651,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,3,3,1,13,9,1,1,3,0,12,3,0,1,1,27,31,14,1,7,6,0,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,8,0,1,4,0,0,4,4,5,0,2,7,5,27,4,23,20,5,38,0,1,1,3,20,10,1,3,22,101,31,0,0.13005609676281218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363751572557836,0.0,0.0,0.2579614017460232,0.09093824681142804,0.13325784045195593,0.10702508613817838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219198409356988,0.30001533158054483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260085843416405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636134303501998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28572103066024845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497769523019754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864518041149604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590082532357604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315205405434958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106256494672602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023476576119667,0.0,0.0,0.07391387693423221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871738601952524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771062785390045,0.2826126593435975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092143658157908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347614101149425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065882992577388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964349478148069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742736130359164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812937704472118,0.1978270442805826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342582821528258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839818592747599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077259337501816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778599908468684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280698341707548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22751026771746266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28899421777577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671045550798222,0.10323247599730946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238811964859177,0.14219592526202518,0.0,0.0 bpd,velvetroo,2020/02/27,"Was diagnosed with BPD 10 days ago, I feel completely lost So... a lot has happened over the past three weeks. I was in hospital for about two weeks before being diagnosed with BPD, and even though I suspected I had it for awhile, I have had a really difficult time processing my diagnosis. I’ve had about three hours sleep for the past five days. I keep thinking about all the times I have done horrible things and I wonder if I’m a dangerous, horrible person. I researched things about BPD before this and knew I really wasn’t, but now those thoughts are creeping in. I have nobody that relates to this, I barely have any friends, so I hope it’s okay to vent on here. Trigger warning, I will be writing about suicide, self harm and binge eating. I’m only 18, though my symptoms of BPD started when I was only just 11. Dealing with it isn’t anything new, but having a diagnosis is. 3 weeks ago I tried to end my life, which resulted me being hospitalised for about 2 weeks, and now I’m here. I also have high functioning autism. I was referred to see a psychologist with the counsellor I had been seeing for two years before that (I had seen the other psychologist for two years too, but that was before I saw my original one). They agreed to see me, and the first session went well but the last session we had went completely terrible. I had a really bad week and the first session they had they taught me skills to try to not react when I feel like someone is abandoning me, so I don’t split? It was deep breathing, removing myself from the situation, etc.. though they saw me 4 days later and I tried that but it didn’t work, I still reacted, and I couldn’t contain myself for more than a few minutes when I practiced this. When I told them, they seemed ‘angry’? I’m really not sure, but I think that’s what happened. They told me if I’m not able to do that, then I don’t want to get better. It was a very messy conversation but what I fixated on the most was them saying “We’re thinking about just discharging you”, which to me is weird because I had a completely normal relationship with my counsellor for two years (we just worked on ASD stuff, which I really still need help with). To me it’s weird because the psychiatrist I saw said the letter I wrote (I wrote a very long letter while I was in hospital) was filled with things that would take many years to work through in therapy and I need to work in a team with three of them, but what has happened now, I have no idea? I got very angry during the session and called her stupid and she was like “that’s your personality, not asd”, so immediately once I saw them at first they said “if you say something unforgivable, we could just decide not to see you” which to me is weird because I’ve been in therapy at that place for four years and not had a problem? So I think that really has triggered me.. and they said “are you having problems because we decided the treatment plan and you had no way in it?” I just really want to talk about things that are affecting me. One of them is I have been remembering repressed trauma and I keep having nightmares about it for the past month. I just want to talk about the things that affect me, but everything is so guided about them... and they always seem to trigger me. I feel like I can never talk. Also, I really can’t express things out loud very well. I can on paper, but not out loud. I feel so anxious, when they talked about discharging me, but why? I just tried to end my life, I’ve gained 21kgs in the past year from binge eating, I keep cutting & burning myself and I just can’t stop. I don’t see any reason why they should discharge me, or why suddenly after this diagnosis, why do they not want to see me anymore? I haven’t changed, I have always had the same problems. I’m just so scared and I have a lot to work through, I don’t just want to stop seeing anyone... and the mental health place I go to is unfortunately the only place for people my age in my city. I just don’t know what to do with myself, I feel so lost, and I hate that I’m dealing with all of this alone.",4.077555320499258,5.165700611042944,4.889927015020099,85.03188650306751,71.11042944785277,8.270996403638671,25.953564628728586,8.641336200584522,1.6320433678866082,3198,97,665,54,58,1036,290,815,0.136,0.799,0.065,-0.9961,0,1,1,0,0,3,98.0,4,6,18,15,53,30,4,2,33,1,76,10,2,10,4,137,142,57,1,19,34,0,5,3,1,3,6,7,0,3,44,37,2,8,22,1,0,5,23,20,2,14,49,24,122,10,85,85,9,82,0,3,12,0,58,23,0,11,56,473,166,13,0.04701366866128796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334956125156981,0.0,0.0,0.048691982152477616,0.0,0.07519362768572266,0.0782382770253286,0.05093929035240221,0.0,0.06394181371413732,0.0,0.0,0.05311206367850566,0.04662492636237827,0.0328730502502162,0.0,0.03868824348405982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039254449569923563,0.1146363842033002,0.0,0.16002067724176408,0.0,0.0,0.04157976940564985,0.0,0.0,0.2368482795495977,0.0,0.048006212146449206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04973422765364139,0.0,0.14787881135664882,0.0,0.0,0.03753658888900212,0.0,0.0,0.0909597808282882,0.09693805605304892,0.0,0.09543576812251299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048111305837615866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621344003149154,0.0,0.0,0.08328031207548725,0.0,0.05243266805939683,0.031052084754311475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042252853933910484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885761738917232,0.06717314857079859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996940763904332,0.0,0.0,0.03632264378526358,0.0,0.024562701457907416,0.0,0.02671895133062941,0.0,0.03760112560879845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472209579645553,0.0,0.0,0.04641626453313563,0.0,0.0499733313286898,0.0,0.0,0.03151227109805827,0.04967252217017434,0.0,0.04669518097518361,0.04629899344899119,0.0,0.0,0.05307270939517671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536372656123246,0.0,0.0,0.025837482782589717,0.038322414789718366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641428906965921,0.06890551126732203,0.0,0.0,0.041605617331364836,0.0,0.0,0.1026419459957789,0.07993867974225173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047664480935466116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04737872027769832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03752586178887785,0.0,0.0,0.06972007920862494,0.03625983957232371,0.04540609415378432,0.0,0.0,0.0460634133410521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05006802276411297,0.06371535721639397,0.10726804060186852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795194657787699,0.03259335827679838,0.08210104414660209,0.14735783220524415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349571947226356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409452799856713,0.04833788149926248,0.0,0.050475085767889616,0.0532573218262591,0.0,0.13416229475603866,0.07477431261988987,0.04706888393075912,0.0,0.2622466492999194,0.08559895647865612,0.049045509713870415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528453333707874,0.04704762137053887,0.0,0.03983452889158797,0.03619341901549555,0.0,0.0,0.033276516656484234,0.0,0.07509035304587226,0.07861106426713331,0.0,0.0,0.053819402695495004,0.05142532288825217,0.0,0.044309826329349336,0.04886520295130236,0.035348427910032475,0.15115122409530332,0.0,0.0,0.10752845479206874,0.0,0.18740275457159736,0.12049784219765937,0.13857207227484525,0.03732360143931323,0.05482809654061069,0.0,0.0,0.08984715026473894,0.0,0.12767677985101275,0.0,0.18370209171535665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516480126101634,0.13864939929290426,0.03731726187718112,0.18855764589653687,0.0,0.08454186848224811,0.08716428371760991,0.16969009383373626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0509843181943304,0.17113255357754484,0.0,0.0,0.0333971613289281,0.0,0.0,0.18165156728516976 bpd,revenen-i,2020/02/27,"I can't cope with the fact that other people are better than me. I can't find a single domain where I can overcome mediocrity, where I am better than the majority. The only way I can assert value to myself is by devaluing others and I hate this, but I can't function any other way. I can only feel okay with myself if I'm aware of other people not feeling okay with themselves and that usually doesn't last long because others are motivated enough to overcome their depressive episodes and become productive, so I'm stuck in this inferiority complex over and over again. I can't find my energy to study or whatever activity I am supposed to do because I know I'll never be better than the people who didn't waste their past time like I did. I'm also mad when I encounter girls who are prettier than me, not to mention that I haven't had a (girl) friend for five years or so, exactly for this reason. I only like to spend time with people I consider somehow inferior, because in any other case I become envious and this stops me from interacting. However, my relationships (be they romantic or just friendships) with those ""inferior"" people can't last because I'm getting bored of them or I'm just starting to act theatrically in a way that makes them wanna dump me right away. I'm well-aware of the fact that I'm forever stuck in this comparison-loop. Over the years, I tried to see some psychotherapists, but the advice I received seemed to me rather cliché: ""Focus on yourself and your own qualities! You don't live for other people."" ""Quality"" for me is not a term that can't exist independently of others. Other people have suggested that I practice meditation, but that didn't work either, since I realised that the only reason I would meditate would be to feel superior to others on a spiritual level. Moreover, it takes too much practice and I can barely find my motivation to study for my exams this year. That's it, I guess. I wrote this here because I'm actually curious if anyone feels the same way and how do you keep on going in that case.",8.508255829447034,7.173670605063293,9.127514990006663,66.6511525649567,61.936708860759495,11.860093271152566,35.97934710193205,10.882677951670544,3.8932025316455685,1639,60,289,35,19,556,187,395,0.10300000000000001,0.782,0.115,0.7901,1,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,3,5,7,14,18,4,0,14,2,32,0,0,7,4,60,58,22,0,6,16,0,4,2,1,2,0,0,0,2,33,13,0,2,14,0,1,3,15,9,0,1,7,5,45,9,45,46,9,39,0,4,1,0,19,16,0,10,18,212,78,4,0.0,0.0,0.09077460058106386,0.0,0.0,0.09089856698565037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438846921558118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651427487826006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504210427992888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873958323395632,0.0,0.0,0.28352220127397537,0.2054676927850956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24680724882838226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801184300098535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611505404071552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18813586170670832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550571861404308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718674162215381,0.0,0.04859937783265087,0.0,0.05286570018508438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247258033445217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183849673423954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268090440702305,0.0,0.0,0.05112164027020934,0.15164826385377236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089024626956643,0.0,0.08213881562239443,0.08232022524528737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062091913555734665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068380778824204,0.0,0.07174315278580089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28298516179159017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879860345012465,0.4514209707391126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19128115615770688,0.0,0.09986921709620904,0.0,0.07943900832679644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412530403648424,0.08468237980899307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694752812896734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584039661575378,0.0,0.0,0.07776931256303861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699398478922947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848201628751973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315482109194047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244895127045006,0.0,0.0,0.2953414082334591,0.0,0.0,0.08363661090145187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772004003740409,0.0,0.0,0.13215820456426694,0.0,0.0,0.17970647828606695 bpd,wackytimesfiction,2020/02/27,"I’m worried about scaring my partner hi all! my girlfriend is absolutely incredible, i love her so much and i don’t know what i would do without her. we’ve been dating for almost a year! ive been mostly able to control my switches around her, but yesterday on the phone i just became so overwhelmingly sad that i couldn’t even maintain a conversation. she was asking me if she’d done something wrong, which i reassured her that it wasn’t and that my brain just acts this way sometimes. i don’t want her to feel like she’s doing something that’s making me feel this way. i started crying a lot out of nowhere, and eventually i had to apologize and say couldn’t talk anymore and ended the phone call for the night. i don’t know what to do. i’m my happiest when i’m with her and i don’t want her thinking anything else than that.",3.4640828402366854,4.885983100591716,4.5616568047337305,85.51218934911245,73.02366863905327,7.3301775147929,27.792899408284025,7.882392219407189,1.6162331360946742,660,25,136,9,13,216,98,169,0.114,0.764,0.12300000000000001,-0.1653,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,8,7,0,2,6,0,19,2,1,2,1,30,33,11,0,6,5,0,2,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,11,9,0,1,5,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,6,3,29,3,14,23,4,13,0,2,0,1,23,3,0,4,8,95,40,0,0.17159670242559946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182931038692775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017781939677562,0.0,0.0,0.14120946510966195,0.15275744577234898,0.1604197529158212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915586703437224,0.17521941883802708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924602929340788,0.0,0.0,0.18849092005412765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560300368395468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433470260686604,0.0,0.1519837457494106,0.0,0.0,0.11333800358506432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735288973007946,0.12258871849949066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18861012002330035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838334811209103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458853800460961,0.15487272352166526,0.0,0.11454213133931927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614332045245089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103188094701024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646058515615614,0.17179823441479716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26420704996719474,0.16971352641523754,0.0,0.12145702918021965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792292944213466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995223814316207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024243620157494,0.272410950432788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541309769567195,0.0,0.0,0.17426478081535016,0.0,0.12189737405323378,0.18761405640075676,0.0,0.11050265034320304 bpd,orange_lilly,2020/02/27,"Well, I asked my bf something stupid Convo went like this: Me: ""Do you only keep me around because you know I couldn't survive without you?"" BF: ""That's not really it."" Me: ""Oh? Then is it because we're in a lease together?"" BF: ""Pretty much...... But I still like you!"" Then I started crying because we have been together for almost 2 years now and it's devolved to the point to where he said he ""still likes"" me but had no problem telling me he's basically only with me because he's stuck. I cried and we sat in silence as I took him to work. So. I know I'm an awful human but it just hurts when others feel the need to remind me. Idk what to do from here. Any advice would be nice as my mind is a mess rn.",-0.4109768829231904,1.6976483087248333,1.8933668903803136,96.23171327367642,89.40268456375837,4.384936614466816,18.34489187173752,5.82211442006289,-0.3651837434750185,534,15,123,4,18,180,97,149,0.191,0.7290000000000001,0.08,-0.9617,0,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,2,4,0,2,10,9,1,0,5,1,10,0,0,0,0,22,23,11,0,4,6,0,1,3,3,1,0,1,0,1,8,6,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,4,1,0,7,2,23,5,14,13,1,15,0,1,0,0,18,5,0,1,11,79,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571237553709245,0.0,0.0,0.16100962748663755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934384686196273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313867281566706,0.15031850270662445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920684294372269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35324419046073896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130109772789236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213080434142836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429190209340343,0.0,0.0,0.17673378946105514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356640587532623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235374640661301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820037565326695,0.11922498317413655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445786155350641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520000971085587,0.0,0.0,0.16358293026977302,0.0,0.15385590925571224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300725873467438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294969556788726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378528028416555,0.0,0.0,0.11380916899395632,0.0,0.2568168648129298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405390035216389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786454575467119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445710183022738,0.1490554855584862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499742844464734,0.0,0.11705824808245915,0.0,0.0,0.11422178639787885,0.0,0.0,0.10354456133229553 bpd,sparklyunicorns90,2020/02/27,"Saying No What I find hardest about having BPD is not being able to say no to people, especially if young kids are involved. I have a ""friend"" who stays 17 miles away with 2 young kids. Whenever she needs someone to drive her about to the shops or to take her some where, it's muggins here who helps her. I'm trying to recover from a bad chest infection yet I'll be the idiot who can't say no to her. Want to know the kicker? She has a car & a partner who has a car but she'd rather someone else drive. Sorry guys. It's been a rough morning. Thanks for hearing me out.",0.6123846153846131,2.749356033333335,2.2683333333333344,95.24076923076923,84.5,5.0256410256410255,19.23076923076923,6.297961479604792,-0.11461538461538412,444,12,100,4,13,145,83,120,0.094,0.846,0.06,-0.2144,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,9,0,11,2,1,0,0,12,18,3,0,4,5,0,1,0,2,0,1,4,0,4,7,2,0,0,2,1,1,4,5,2,0,0,1,5,10,2,15,14,1,12,0,0,0,0,22,4,0,3,3,63,17,0,0.20130496129927825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181138414634435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18913263769477925,0.0,0.16808123417104648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535365517421961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681644642771025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839890876806734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555277137412752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19932356080721592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268853217832359,0.0,0.13493047223243862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063194215053418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926507807751202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395595135064846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4802573550441159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3411300808991755,0.0,0.0,0.2253444230946163,0.0,0.21456430426765327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135627818551256,0.0,0.0,0.18533456218986388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667285471750545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873488180601666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,schweetsunshine,2020/02/27,"RADICAL ACCEPTANCE to negative stigma. This disorder is not a sentence. Hi all, just wanted to make a post about something that I know others with BPD struggle with. I know because I personally struggle with it myself, and have had another redditor reach out to me about the same struggle. First thing's first, this is not a vent about ""how oppressed pwBPD are"" or an excuse to bitch or create drama about another sub. This is a reach out to anyone struggling with these issues. I'm here to let you know that I know what you're feeling and that this is a safe space to discuss coping techniques. I repeat, to **discuss coping techniques**. (Not complain about how stuck in the mud you are whilst refusing to make a move.) So, some context of the issue so y'all know what I'm talking about... most redditors who fairly know their way around reddit would have come across a page that isn't very helpful for pwBPD. This may start of a little dark but bear with me, I'm taking you through the motions of the various stages of acceptance. This is a pretty hard place to be and doesn't make you feel good. I'm continually shocked at the descriptions of pwBPD on that sub. It makes me want to not exist. I have found I am now even more hyper analytical of my behaviour (even more than I was before discovering the sub) because I find myself imagining how I would be written about in that sub. Yes, i read those posts and some of the things that have been described are bad things. For example, pwBPD sending pictures of them sleeping with someone to their recent ex. This is very bad behaviour that has no reason apart from malicious intent. I side with the authors of the post, that behaviour is far from okay. Most people with or without BPD understand that. However, I think it is forgotten that just because someone is BPD, does not mean they are sentenced to this degree of bad behavior. I think it is forgotten that human beings are capable of growth. I think it is forgotten that pwBPD, after therapy and the desire to change, can actually re-sit the assessment of BPD and not qualify for the disorder. (I am not implying a cure, i am implying that pwBPD can rise to a level of high function and exert control of their behaviour, even after being toxic - and some may never have even been actively toxic in the first place.) **This disorder is not a sentence.** We were never taught how to be healthy. We never learned how to walk the middle path. We are results of insufficient parenting and/or trauma. We are the result of learning how to survive in extreme or otherwise invalidating environments in the most fundamental stages of brain development. Of course it's a mish mash of odd, dangerous, and inappropriately applied survival skills. That's what happens when you throw a small child into the mountains, *they behave like the wolves to survive*. No, this is not an excuse. It's not a cop out. I'm not saying wah wah its not my fault. Im saying it is a valid reason why some people act the way they do. But we can change. It's proven and documented. **Especially with use of DBT.** Excuse this wild oversimplification, but im just trying to put it in a way that makes sense what I am trying to say... If you were never taught maths, you can't be blamed for answering an algebraic question wrong. THOUGH, once you've seen it is wrong, it is up to you to decide if you will take responsibility to learn algebra... you do not tell the head of the school to change the maths question just so you dont feel bad! You also do not attack the person who brought your wrong answer to your attention. The one thing that fucks me off most though, and I really need to talk about, is reading a few posts a day that tell me/pwBPD that they are incapable of empathy. That is the one thing I have always prided myself on, is being that empathic friend and listener who understands what people have been through. My empathy is actually BECAUSE of my disorder. The things I have done and been through when I was toxic, to growing and being the highly functional state that I am in now has provided me with immeasurable experiences valuable for insight and lessons that have been learnt. I am so extra careful of how I behave because I know how toxic this disorder can be. Because of this i exhaust myself with regulation and making sure i act ""normal"". So it hurts to read that shit, and feel like because I am BPD, my efforts mean nothing (hence feeling like I'm sentenced.) Like I should avoid all human interaction and lock myself in a dungeon or just throw myself into the ocean somewhere - at least then I'd be useful as food for the fishes. I am aware this is not helpful thinking, but I'm just letting you in on how it makes me feel and I'm sure others relate. But it's not the end of the world. There is more to life outside of the internet. **A reminder: PwBPD ARE capable of change.** We ARE capable of ""human emotion"". Not all of us want to spread nudes or deepest secrets on the internet. Some of us even actively suppress our urges to do impulsive behavior because we know that it is a bad thing to do, and will hurt people if we do it (shock horror, right?). For some radical acceptance and to offer my understanding, I'd just like to say it's clear that there's a lot of very bad situations that the people who write those posts have been in, and most are in the early stages of break up and that's not a good time for anybody, particularly if you're dealing with an unhealthy pwBPD. I can understand why some posts are written the way they are. Though it's a bit of a shock to see some blanket statements, like what I mentioned above. It feels accusatory. That said, I cope by remembering those posts aren't written about me. They probably aren't written about you/every pwBPD either. They are written by people who are *very hurt and also suffering*. Just as I don't want people to take my actions or thoughts personally, I don't take theirs personally (well... sometimes I do but then I need to regulate and cool down, practice radical acceptance.) It sucks. But there's always going to be bad shit said about you no matter what you do. The best way to move forward is remember to take care of yourself and others and focus on being healthy. Go to therapy, and learn your skills. Even if you can, use those posts as a way to remind yourself of things not to do. Use it as fuel to motivate you to be healthy. Use it as a reminder of how far you've come, how good you're doing when you read some shocking story and think ""wow, glad I haven't done that."" Please remember in replying to this, this is not a post asking for a bitch fest about how much you hate xyz. Or to create drama, or anything that encourages negativity. This is a post to reassure you that you're not alone, you're not being personally targeted, and offers a few coping techniques in a safe place to reach out to other pwBPD with the same issues. Much love to BPD gang. Stay healthy xoxo",4.120030213147548,6.054179587969927,4.943452438435539,81.35329550941577,72.29323308270676,8.008553493826309,27.615368696971785,8.709281904897287,2.15479340553218,5492,205,1026,104,109,1778,456,1330,0.13,0.74,0.13,-0.8695,2,2,1,0,0,0,182.0,11,24,12,14,59,67,9,5,76,3,122,11,6,31,10,242,208,83,0,16,53,2,8,6,1,7,2,7,0,9,102,60,1,6,54,6,0,20,41,36,1,5,27,18,106,31,171,158,34,115,0,4,2,3,99,49,6,33,32,744,208,15,0.0,0.0,0.06947755648569083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0368690737910485,0.0,0.056935850322956526,0.05924122784524099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465578387426873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02489113939984461,0.0,0.029294344588255226,0.031690009245497204,0.0332795787947311,0.0404981733973769,0.0,0.0,0.2080614905554431,0.1736030090167689,0.0,0.030291507433631727,0.0,0.03735819009966724,0.0,0.03886409302184601,0.0,0.2690086635409029,0.03973944447391742,0.0,0.0,0.07258962136510112,0.0,0.15063300594836074,0.061329518277164125,0.0,0.0,0.03992648889639962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022957940391322467,0.036700255193850215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039935183230676,0.0,0.03115228761508495,0.07285878317937826,0.0417209095217689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040043264469080006,0.03152950275917706,0.0,0.0,0.14107393705035448,0.0,0.029993079400138706,0.0,0.0,0.03482194067188176,0.0,0.0,0.12599689109795814,0.05086282508850009,0.0,0.0,0.03253617558164136,0.09083961562832372,0.0430455716611999,0.03903166770164916,0.02750313654948857,0.03291002873054633,0.0,0.0,0.04046263654429125,0.08957442451420418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03147943425876572,0.0,0.031889059391680234,0.03514592354893334,0.03653409705100705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04772154252417171,0.07522305744484724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432605892691396,0.0,0.0769044846499773,0.1114660413653319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651103400197458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280328970889963,0.02514411219511933,0.10434910501566223,0.035678820425769725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03026437774649215,0.032128830221415626,0.0,0.16633486033708744,0.0,0.0,0.07755390813758532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567065863831393,0.05233765164355059,0.052791335070546966,0.10982232735214777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03487874821404044,0.03415750195997419,0.0,0.0,0.037910997750746696,0.04824462063339338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03952766815176797,0.0,0.0,0.1727555163701526,0.15541518958317754,0.1115778522273126,0.03907621256429702,0.0,0.0,0.3409330419022456,0.03621624031215155,0.038380957978616716,0.0,0.0,0.035786095548500534,0.07975642310665458,0.0,0.14243162111345795,0.0,0.022805164512450786,0.07320190475378227,0.035148998874405375,0.0,0.12097770771646757,0.030400729680233975,0.06772421696104775,0.11323669843731635,0.0,0.0360273516440269,0.02836721376490513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308222904869674,0.0,0.04001394910272674,0.03562398052664704,0.0,0.060324600487059024,0.02740528886776369,0.03520760113520004,0.0,0.025196640060268,0.03794302132374993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886017193161044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710189991812432,0.0,0.13382735097242607,0.057225084997833485,0.06222891736168493,0.0,0.0814194526308574,0.0,0.18919928036090167,0.11404967612880294,0.10492536414067116,0.028261051507505807,0.02075763860719775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04833777974975001,0.0,0.0,0.1482362258720555,0.08564067594509403,0.15372738630730826,0.0,0.11748920981592642,0.08398713229799416,0.16953750753311614,0.0,0.0,0.03200712160109218,0.0,0.06424380683019311,0.0,0.0,0.034315463765439806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05057598195908102,0.11676336597272607,0.0,0.0 bpd,courtcondemned,2020/02/27,"Pressure to be ""perfect"" in a relationship. I'm so over thinking I have to be perfect. I've seen a few posts this week, specifically related to the ""wife bad"" type subject. I might be being too sensitive, but relationships are hard enough with BPD, and now I can't get these things people say out of my head. I thought that I was doing so much better compromising in my relationship and handling my anxiety over what I used to think was a huge ""separation."" Is it really so bad to want a 10 minute phone call at night if neither of you are busy or one random text to say ""thinking of you"" during the day? (Do people really not think of their partners AT ALL during the day? I'm genuinely curious.) Is it horrible to want to watch a movie on the weekend before they spend the rest of the weekend with friends or on video games? Is it bad to want a compliment here and there and to want validation that everything is okay sometimes? Like if the person you're with knows you have BPD and there's an understanding that the validation helps you, is it so bad to ask for a simple ""yes, everything is okay"" and a hug every few weeks or couple months? Is talking about AANYTHING serious so unbearably awful? Until this week, I was beginning to feel like maybe I was starting to learn how to be in a healthy relationship, but if these things are so bad and annoying, then I obviously still have everything wrong. It seems like women (and possibly more emotional men) aren't supposed to want to talk so much and we shouldn't feel so much. Like talking and feeling is annoying and it makes you someone that no one wants to be with or even be around. I don't want to suppress my feelings and implode and turn mute, just to be worthy of some guy that doesn't even think about me unless I'm in front of his face. TL;DR: I'm sorry if this doesn't make any sense, it turned into kind of a rambly rant, but do you guys think that the only way to have relationships (romantic and otherwise) is to shut down or implode? I don't want to live like that, but sometimes it seems like the only way. I'm so lonely but feeling so hopeless about life in general. Where do I look to find people that won't see me as a burden?",5.667108753315652,5.814995885057473,6.342816091954024,79.38706233421752,67.16091954022988,9.818744473916887,30.753757736516363,9.661875296680813,2.6375800176834656,1730,61,348,34,26,568,207,435,0.141,0.7040000000000001,0.155,-0.4946,0,2,0,0,0,1,50.0,1,6,2,3,25,28,2,1,22,4,41,4,2,4,4,79,82,43,0,13,17,1,6,6,2,3,1,2,0,6,24,22,0,1,18,4,1,1,11,13,0,2,6,12,28,15,57,65,11,37,0,2,4,1,33,18,0,14,21,237,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04835373350202778,0.0,0.05439501249206537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329838795501908,0.06647343246918842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968478813814456,0.0,0.0,0.06050498674274785,0.0,0.0,0.06288645792579503,0.0,0.0,0.1791081285394148,0.0,0.07260599766371614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867615955413862,0.0,0.09171348649856363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998338118848626,0.0,0.07347031333957996,0.0,0.09392816022423107,0.0,0.059908899398804324,0.0,0.19171335188779867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17976373274664656,0.0507973161193952,0.0,0.0,0.06498854098100282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054935427560241404,0.0,0.037149347239205016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080995306070912,0.0,0.0,0.06369597551259884,0.0,0.0729740856433972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047660079381898084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404475509784318,0.0390773637550525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050223455480289454,0.20842941637762166,0.0,0.06278688163212083,0.0,0.05971016234414413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492607355475148,0.0,0.0714343748488431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754310048957847,0.0,0.0,0.056755209618714435,0.0,0.1568107294979173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672708110412362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636496758135736,0.1081568788302014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478854416390103,0.062086008799360735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016003005443606,0.06809878717873667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911031700561749,0.0,0.0,0.3816999712619831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309085480070034,0.0,0.0,0.05666135620799975,0.12946236239481226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060246905188327676,0.0,0.1406490214854146,0.07959605354716495,0.05032837590365921,0.0,0.05678442178674872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145414519561028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447780021393046,0.2733666849947421,0.0,0.056449305157367825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468330814049552,0.0,0.07402265223045368,0.0,0.0614117570140735,0.0,0.0,0.3355158430055256,0.11287943403680108,0.1711080552117969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774198676749265,0.0,0.0 bpd,Helpisitweird,2020/02/27,"DAE want a romantic partner to take control to an extent? I was gonna post in r/self or r/sex but the more I wrote, the more I started thinking that maybe, just maybe, this issue has something to do with my BPD. It would be a relief to know if others feel similar to what I feel. Basically, for years now I've felt like I want a boyfriend who takes charge in a relationship and also punishes me physically when I am out of line. It's not really sexual, I think. It's just that I have low self esteem mostly because of how terribly I've treated people in the past due to my emotions. I am in a better place now, but as a teen/young adult I had extreme anger issues (shouting, throwing stuff, etc, mostly when I felt insecure). Now I have a really nice, chill boyfriend and I don't get angry with him a lot at all. He never gets angry about anything, really, he's so chill. But sometimes I still lose control of my emotions and I will snap at him. Like, a few weeks ago he kept interrupting me and in front of all his friends I yelled, ""Jesus man let me talk for once, this is fucking annoying!"". I felt so bad and apologized immediately. He wasn't angry and said that although I shouldn't have yelled, he knows he interrupts me a lot and that he wants to do better. Still, for the rest of that evening I felt so low and horrible, thinking he's so nice to me and I shouldn't embarrass him in front of people or get so angry just cause he's excited and wants to talk about something. When we got home I was tired and just started crying. He kind of seemed to understand what I needed and started getting a bit rough with me even though he wasn't angry. It helped a lot and after that there didn't seem to be any tension between us. I can also get really moody and withdrawn on certain days, especially when I'm tired. I'm glad that he's so patient and laid back and that he doesn't stress about everything like I do. Really I just feel like I wanna give myself completely in a relationship, and maybe I even have the feeling that I should have a healthy fear of/respect for a person to protect them from myself? Idk this post is probably all over the place. I haven't slept all night and just thinking about this. It's a relationship goal I've pretty much always had but it's probably fucking weird.",5.4741433691756285,5.317807496774197,6.250967741935487,80.92089605734769,67.58064516129032,9.469534050179213,30.34050179211469,9.150863307647796,2.3313512544802864,1806,61,373,30,27,596,213,465,0.132,0.687,0.18100000000000002,0.9666,0,0,2,0,0,0,52.0,2,0,1,6,34,32,5,5,23,0,32,5,1,4,6,81,75,41,0,11,14,0,9,4,2,6,2,4,1,5,24,23,0,4,17,0,0,3,10,17,0,0,16,13,47,15,47,50,17,43,1,3,0,2,37,16,2,10,26,246,71,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499749035801984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727469268220635,0.061011618780250076,0.0,0.0,0.04986297897615708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06033957935865057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05638179347143565,0.061222654783499024,0.04469775944256652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296986148673465,0.08005104937674001,0.0,0.09234927895945358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532416444493846,0.0,0.0,0.07687904188080485,0.0,0.16447867867591534,0.0,0.0,0.08054320452356767,0.04728805117929688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495974005714353,0.0,0.0,0.08177587945183608,0.1452898526956622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589907433055486,0.0,0.0,0.08251012454232559,0.1482997001875052,0.052382832146774916,0.2816109715499248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056650104781829164,0.13557410607359446,0.19154437374404154,0.0703392661199897,0.0,0.0,0.0586440711267101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049147674111284505,0.0,0.0735501637489739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530628554940625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635588401014827,0.08059413932453062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497897527159901,0.0,0.14329002614884875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203103831484428,0.0,0.18701287041323156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209920810631973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053901733067917096,0.05436897457018863,0.056552153067058124,0.0,0.0,0.06880980642571713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808789339714152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699962577536226,0.10166755330301344,0.06402387421327459,0.15321639185007185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044865401149395,0.07459708476506262,0.1581118056991977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348668408915006,0.0,0.0,0.2361682906008223,0.0,0.0,0.06974811727759156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335032186092815,0.15298629035897512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289712234395892,0.07251952117668625,0.0,0.15569776527078613,0.0,0.117113621830552,0.0,0.08399263781983844,0.0,0.08393868078601169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026136515914643,0.11787044926469052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18793277898045446,0.07204066661203089,0.0,0.0,0.16855079195911046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633309125492269,0.0881999996099803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17299408147305267,0.0,0.0588162605156377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05208741687098811,0.0,0.0,0.04721838889869638 bpd,yellioo,2020/02/27,"scared of how much BPD defines me When I read about BPD signs and symptoms, I change my mind about whether I feel understood or trapped by how much I relate to everything that's described. I find it impossible not to question my own reality when a blanket list of symptoms, created by people who have never met me, can so easily summarize all the hardships I struggle to describe myself. Times like this, I find myself questioning who I am. Is everything that defines me a symptom of my BPD? Who am I besides my BPD diagnosis? It hurts because I've accepted my BPD diagnosis and have made ""progress"" from when I first was diagnosed 7 years ago. I'm working consistently, completed an undergrad degree, and haven't had a suicide attempt in over 5 years. However, even after years of progress, I have had more periods recently where I am back to square one, not understanding who I am at all and the emotions I feel overwhelm me. I'm scared of my past because I'm scared I'll never truly move on and continue to circle back to square one, making all the progress I've made worthless.",9.809815718157182,7.6816630439024385,9.640650406504065,66.51360433604339,60.02439024390244,13.208672086720867,44.728997289972895,11.855464076750405,5.322176151761519,864,45,153,21,9,284,114,205,0.127,0.7809999999999999,0.092,-0.7476,1,1,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,6,12,9,0,5,7,0,13,4,0,5,5,30,24,13,1,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,9,1,0,1,5,7,0,3,7,4,26,2,21,17,7,24,0,3,2,0,7,5,0,3,19,107,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585313620910075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489458675390008,0.0,0.11807972303320766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6099062580452339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245619429513388,0.0,0.10154710309370443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830237708285416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894506044875588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396959556732483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174088020118663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979421996898356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770412908393276,0.08238195650782691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036816850124543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047316819713350784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18328672931134848,0.06464922255045999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977925482886444,0.0,0.0,0.10293796708200408,0.14239420031439684,0.0,0.14939591277880748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125835720239154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245585049435072,0.0671447332327089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21699200731350027,0.0,0.09687785060582303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956293113924866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908961661684841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125036410320727,0.0,0.1059399757893494,0.0,0.0,0.30199781703958284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05647497083013284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008259741210452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050914827378278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871078445351335 bpd,anxietits,2020/02/27,"She left me. My (f) girlfriend left me. Everything was amazing and we were so in love when we spent the week together and then I went home and she ended things. She said it was my mental health because a week ago I had a nervous breakdown about moving cities, starting school, travelling where all plans went wrong. It all happened in the space of a few days and I was inconsolable. She said it drained her. Now she wants nothing to do with me. I don't know how to explain that it's not always like this. It doesn't matter because it's my BPD and it's always going to be my BPD. I'm so hurt and shocked and devastated.",1.54591575091575,3.779299928571433,2.612222222222222,93.59730769230772,81.46031746031746,5.464224664224664,23.184371184371184,6.67199483983844,0.5642840048840045,485,17,104,5,13,154,79,126,0.16399999999999998,0.774,0.062,-0.8894,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,0,1,7,7,0,1,5,0,9,2,0,1,2,18,22,12,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,10,10,0,0,2,1,1,5,3,4,0,0,10,2,19,3,8,11,3,20,0,1,0,1,13,6,0,0,10,69,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004421011698026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26291242670984705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926124341310253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979532672880679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188728424587316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399278574209359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419867715080789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897865418381326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970565353651848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679307151172004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847188144439925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691262581928549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682444906404845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433024272927542,0.0,0.0,0.07718351285228113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258767125704722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592117668770248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791310052944625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515909115540824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30055991200532844,0.0,0.0,0.15988929995516668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182262799287626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049582439052986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318367279013304,0.0,0.2534521471698851,0.0,0.0,0.2929074389918313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17273184579549242,0.0,0.0 bpd,theseaicansee,2020/02/27,"Occasional visitor I joined this sub a few months ago. I've only been back twice because I find it so intensely emotional. I'm currently dealing with the diagnosis issue. More than half the time I just feel like I'm a self-obsessed fuck who's found an illness on the internet that will make a suitable excuse as to why my life is a mess. And the rest of the time I feel I've got a bizarre, shameful mystery condition that no one else on the planet has. But on the few occasions I've come here, I can pick virtually any post and start reading and it won't be long before I read something that puts into words what I go through so clearly, it usually leaves me sobbing. It's a mixture of relief that I'm not alone, and such sadness knowing that other people feel the same awful pain. I'm in the middle of probably the worst periods I've had with my BPD symptoms. i'm so physically and emotionally exhausted at the roller coaster that changes every half hour. I'm in the process of probably losing my current close friend, and my amazing partner is at the end of his tether. I'm not entirely sure why I felt the need to share all that, but at the moment it feels like it's all I am and it's all I've got to give. I'll just finish by sending out much love to anyone who needs it.",6.104416078218358,5.271694642585555,7.036048343291693,78.07700570342206,66.45247148288973,10.251928299837044,34.75529603476372,9.606745405546679,3.075401086366105,1013,42,208,18,14,341,157,263,0.105,0.797,0.099,0.3636,2,1,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,8,17,1,1,22,1,10,7,0,2,5,38,35,13,0,2,6,0,5,2,2,2,5,0,0,1,20,13,0,0,8,3,0,4,4,9,0,4,6,5,15,8,25,26,10,32,0,3,0,2,11,12,2,0,17,126,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959253281966633,0.0,0.0,0.12804572866301694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407417163079074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644654595255008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506557126151484,0.0,0.07536507396966913,0.0,0.10520194143261292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571049481278415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078653071589613,0.10649823888792584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745942426023665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327888331123193,0.27813928855647724,0.10950148023956148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104165505442421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500487275804563,0.17664581261864568,0.11870635109127417,0.0,0.1129976395357842,0.0,0.0,0.1355563841965524,0.09551797205311804,0.11429602579674104,0.0,0.11859932265546412,0.07026305853658997,0.0,0.19776001363227466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175286547127487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903995155664594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794505303470201,0.0,0.0,0.13090870493261694,0.0,0.0,0.08732511659651176,0.12080094790545205,0.0,0.0,0.10941065350321087,0.0,0.13831286730044692,0.0,0.0,0.11158293533781036,0.0,0.08252548895675815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868208489475164,0.0,0.09088393132941514,0.18334349825307705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377641432063215,0.0940278995565012,0.13155343400813405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571103753916627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840552334751354,0.0,0.2665929585868694,0.0,0.0,0.12428456181138545,0.0,0.0,0.24733141946402046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897540316382586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517814855292774,0.0,0.0,0.08750754506776091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652193540830362,0.1285012489032004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418192200030425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616346014383912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231177572910828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,63I4715,2020/02/27,"Bpd mom here. I have the sweetest 11m old son in the entire world!! I would do anything for him. This is the first time I can honestly say I'd die for someone. Anyways, recently I've started splitting on him. If he shows more interest in his father or a visitor, I get extremely disheartened. I feel like I'm not worthy of him. Also, I have huge anger problems BUT I've managed to keep them under control pretty well. But the compulsion to have a fit of rage (non violent) is growing stronger as he grows to be more of a handful. Advice/tips/experiences? My son is my world. I want to improve any way I can.",1.3749155722326452,3.635415772357728,3.5455284552845536,86.49495309568482,82.33333333333333,6.711444652908067,27.34771732332708,7.882392219407189,1.91705053158224,472,22,95,9,13,161,86,123,0.11699999999999999,0.6629999999999999,0.22,0.9138,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,2,4,9,3,0,7,0,11,1,1,1,0,11,17,6,1,4,5,4,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,1,5,1,1,0,3,15,4,14,15,2,16,0,1,0,0,12,8,0,2,6,60,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18189472184949956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467638386455845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18717509725135806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28647009896416165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25510877772240925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23606113429199066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22249346156573932,0.0,0.0,0.11500747560715305,0.1624930403159746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934720862620509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883522279925035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021713884956575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112243764637426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26639114178782725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386745014707147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23140228592870746,0.0,0.21764256849230845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245831874744308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18088039125242103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927208668007121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099297048546882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263014003626125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415814448740354,0.18054223950212805,0.0,0.0,0.2045082824902106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157665369938473,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,naturalbornvirgo,2020/02/27,"How do you stop yourself from having an obsessive crush? I had an intense obsessive crush on someone for a year and a half, then I started seeing someone new and stopped having a crush on that person. But the new person broke up with me now I feel myself getting obsessive about them too. Anyone have any tips on how to stop yourself from getting an obsessive crush? It hurts so much.",4.39662100456621,6.414411424657537,4.672808219178084,83.2310388127854,71.73972602739725,7.0584474885844735,29.97488584474885,7.793537801064563,2.1103625570776257,306,13,54,4,6,96,49,73,0.32799999999999996,0.655,0.016,-0.9599,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,6,6,0,4,7,0,5,0,0,2,0,10,10,7,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,1,2,7,0,10,9,1,13,0,2,1,0,4,4,0,0,9,42,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673122591854526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087163415352733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909996383424264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254621874132504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23098660477208005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15861602203854552,0.0,0.0,0.4167846654549686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768046652752367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194101998883948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656430068925685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272335267603684,0.0,0.0,0.5411809813018049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894902052116254 bpd,Girl_You_Can_Train,2020/02/27,"What if dying is worth it? I have no joy anymore. I can still smile and I can still laugh but it's so hollow and fleeting. I hate my life and my job. I spend most of my free time in bed or trying to find friends to keep my mind off killing myself. I just want it to end. I've given up. Ever since my partner left me 4 months ago, I've lived life without hope that it'll get better. I dont feel capable of doing the things I need to do like finding new housing for myself or waking up early enough to go to my therapist. I just want to die. I think it would just be better to end my life on a low note tha wait for it to get lower.",0.12733224222585804,1.6129080070922015,2.3648226950354605,97.42615384615387,82.40425531914894,4.9058374249863625,17.93835242771413,5.369823440869387,-0.6501755591925802,483,10,120,2,13,164,92,141,0.17800000000000002,0.636,0.18600000000000005,-0.3998,2,0,0,0,0,5,12.0,0,0,0,2,7,11,2,0,2,0,10,4,1,0,1,25,23,8,3,6,8,0,1,1,2,2,3,0,1,1,9,3,0,2,4,0,3,1,3,3,0,0,1,1,20,9,19,19,2,18,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,5,11,76,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014197056233534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560028158539118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596905392049372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30474001614571944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17206520256343344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260067689854721,0.1516983617460594,0.0,0.0,0.13280189052410524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423369390839908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683711216397852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342832205151974,0.0,0.1534087677039194,0.0,0.08343791917589136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494867259714908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581967263230947,0.0,0.16940392789804615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569048506315407,0.13049524729929152,0.16242821054432413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15951410754286766,0.0,0.3110977306863471,0.07172602458272766,0.0,0.12963966872869384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482405361360278,0.0,0.1171857302407198,0.0,0.0,0.10886090292168953,0.0,0.1417941133697601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144626119263713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344920925526101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17046265498300697,0.09753686123252003,0.09407264055524568,0.0,0.0,0.08560856732575359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967723570081374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17318969189820696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415236937914248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042926278499892,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,slypigcunningham,2020/02/27,"I don’t know how to get help when I’m alone and having an episode I have an issue that I’ve talked about a lot with my therapist. Unfortunately our conversations haven’t given me peace about it. I’m really not sure that I want to say exactly what it is, but in short it has me really unsure about who I actually am and what kind of person I am. So I’m ruminating on it. I’m not suicidal right now but I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m texting people way too much. When I text this much I know people can’t handle it. My safety plan with my counselor is to call the crisis line so I call them thinking at least this way I can talk to a professional about it, someone who has to help me if that makes sense. In other words, I know can’t rely on friends in a situation like this. I’ve been told that I’m not supposed to use my friends for this kind of support either. Call the crisis line. Get through intake. The woman on the phone doesn’t say anything so I start telling her that my thoughts are crazy and I can’t stop and explain the context again. She says, “this is something you need to talk to your therapist about. If you want emotional support I can give you that. I’m just a volunteer.” So I said I would hang up. Her only question was whether I would kill myself tonight. I can understand her perspective and that they need to focus their resources. But for me, I followed my safety plan and it didn’t work. It’s not like these thoughts are going to magically go away. I still feel that I need support to move forward but it’s not forthcoming. So I don’t know what to do which is why I’m posting here. Idk. Anything helps",1.9140389387287653,3.82204512426036,3.394802443214356,90.1433737354457,78.52662721893492,6.491467837373545,23.920977285741554,7.4822170145007005,0.9580193548387096,1284,44,280,18,31,422,161,338,0.109,0.75,0.141,0.9188,1,1,1,0,0,1,29.0,1,4,3,3,20,11,1,0,11,0,29,0,0,3,2,50,68,21,2,9,14,0,1,2,2,2,0,4,0,2,31,8,0,2,12,0,0,6,14,1,0,0,8,5,45,10,34,58,5,29,0,0,0,0,38,12,0,4,12,187,76,2,0.0,0.0,0.09353874196299618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927484368181028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15775777261137527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005708818901717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936300184907588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078217707124086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048466178065014735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811164485357214,0.0,0.1001585164473595,0.0919509720498034,0.10895098533404693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19274482054491884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004567238012364,0.0,0.0,0.10604718909363364,0.19963238582780374,0.21071330029989688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365790913252084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149082851763233,0.0,0.0,0.06398264980402582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187661412641913,0.14092602963213102,0.2132214481404353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290055769659343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290486051119824,0.08369517899521985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180071794759066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737734396864387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281182624453095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185797408208692,0.09117819300783983,0.2286785586231263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077428352222282,0.0,0.0,0.08121597137835411,0.07379235463904299,0.0,0.0,0.06784527643591799,0.0,0.07654836310932149,0.16027487014888964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484767030085017,0.3263186882405579,0.09034035765148016,0.0,0.0,0.23112913278082656,0.08377978354679297,0.0,0.0,0.2225855391228708,0.0,0.1228375177940809,0.0,0.15219321681861214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159168926268717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997863970955163,0.0,0.0827862524117793,0.0,0.0,0.11307321520226582,0.15216736619549706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649246136121151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978215613436603,0.0,0.0,0.13618250166785753,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,blacclilac,2020/02/27,"is my mom a narcissist ? hi guys if anyone sees this i would like some opinions on this . this is a short list of how shitty my egg donor and a little backstory / rant. it was something i just wrote out one day to get it off my chest (btw i call her egg donor or by her first name bc fuck u) is. trying to make a long story shortish but also kinda venting ig since i rly don’t have anyone i can talk to - i’m a 20 year old (f) whose been diagnosed with BPD , PTSD , an ED , ADD, chronic insomnia & major depressive disorder w/ mild psychotic features. my earliest memories are of my mom being an abusive piece of shit to me and my older sister , constantly fighting with my dad and being rly mean to me as well as hitting or pinching me rly hard for no reason :/ everything she’s done to me in my life has completely fucked me up i’m traumatized she really set me up for failure and she will never ever even come close to acknowledging ANY of this . she’s never once in her life been wrong about anything. but anyway so these are some things she does on top of being physically, emotionally & verbally abusive🙃🙃 !!!! GASLIGHTING !!!! she would force feed me force me to finish bread and foods that hurt me & made me sick (i have celiacs, dairy intolerance, severe ibs & chronic gastritis) if i tried to throw it away she’d go through the garbage and make me eat it no matter what else was in there 🥴🥴 she once broke my finger and threatened me to never tell my dad or she’d make my life hell (as if she hadn’t already since day 1) her whole day would be ruined already if i saw her in the morning and if she was up when i came home at nights she would get pissed she would just groan and look at me as if i was just the most disgusting thing she’s ever seen in her entire life somehow breathing around her is wrong ouch she would take away my favorite shoes and force me to wear ones that hurt or i didn’t like once when i was about 5 i convinced my gramma to get me baby blue uggs instead of pink bc wtf🤢🤢 and she literally lost her shit and like gagged every time she saw them in the closet :/ when i turned 16 and started driving , in the winter she would say stuff like “it’s snowing i don’t want the car crashed so find a ride or whatever” what about my welfare ..? she once told me she thought the reason i was losing so much weight was bc i didn’t have any food😶😶🥺 i didn’t have any food . i didn’t have a home, i slept in a car for 10 months. i went to school full time & worked 60 hours a week and lost 60 lbs she tells my little sister i don’t wanna be around her and i don’t want anything to do with her and i can’t even put into words how that makes me feel i love her more than absolutely anybody in the world and for her to feel sad or think i don’t want her feels like my heart is being tenderized while still in me lol “you had too much” “i did too much for you” “you shouldn’t have had it so good” she makes up dumb ass excuses for stupid shit she does she talks about lgbt+ people as if they are disgusting creatures it hurts this is a very short list and not even the half of it",2.567050691244241,3.7571620015360985,3.698552688172047,91.7358290322581,74.91397849462365,6.866986175115208,22.543809523809518,7.327094020958105,0.5720208049155144,2417,62,551,27,50,784,305,651,0.21600000000000005,0.7190000000000001,0.065,-0.9990000000000001,0,0,1,0,3,0,56.0,0,3,2,6,32,34,12,0,21,1,59,33,12,10,5,93,100,49,0,19,19,6,6,5,0,9,10,1,3,1,23,29,8,0,10,0,0,10,18,24,1,4,30,14,103,10,69,52,11,72,1,10,7,4,63,33,9,19,33,353,126,2,0.0,0.07054474327456937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314069575054995,0.04761383255787073,0.0,0.32255590215612945,0.0,0.12146700080848365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326300823373936,0.0,0.0979921093796582,0.10600581429195573,0.0,0.0,0.11187891271729797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498809853428287,0.0,0.06079663442844265,0.06809749228388831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05128813212659385,0.062426184944120826,0.06434120434786465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519443620835093,0.0,0.051281408953763305,0.06043148632766274,0.0,0.0,0.06823759138912329,0.0,0.1042070890579974,0.060929728510164885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092392087562502,0.0497377333979001,0.0669740867550568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179761218791678,0.10771403513806913,0.050164718796772666,0.0,0.05351039374533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031510036327292,0.04253513425104061,0.0,0.0,0.05441815683547025,0.05064439158122036,0.21598672503968697,0.0,0.0,0.1100868847000706,0.09332102123923727,0.0,0.033837752318473184,0.04993902934729462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058953609313161674,0.0,0.0,0.05333582709982836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055476594157456,0.0,0.0,0.11944623690764827,0.0,0.05863455693059461,0.0,0.1912152640513924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682184481073098,0.14544031530213014,0.11934873173782948,0.0,0.05269071218008521,0.0499983063177992,0.06660963305110221,0.12998911159023588,0.0,0.053736854153065484,0.05633785166296195,0.19871587669539573,0.0,0.0,0.0648561279988929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394642251409617,0.04752397656017565,0.0,0.13130546927952422,0.0,0.13776193407141776,0.0,0.0,0.055873923462273004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062476841731904,0.253631114844779,0.08069120863661512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04127729307000394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959865877159548,0.05985378813809514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03814262115666397,0.12243334265119313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04734831541302701,0.0,0.06025729936242215,0.047445388403760363,0.0,0.0,0.06726285151079374,0.18334976980984394,0.09850361914174996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04583652752872492,0.0,0.0,0.0421424671466377,0.0,0.04754843736999839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815864873598798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044766403204451945,0.09571142258318616,0.10408054801008836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911098898211577,0.03815060038041935,0.0,0.047267827449840996,0.0694360915545265,0.0,0.0,0.05689268226806681,0.0,0.0808470212763591,0.06476203646947121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049126442582315466,0.10535407563694683,0.0,0.047759111805314176,0.07250324747907247,0.053533291236693495,0.05519384737365236,0.0,0.06647388730677503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043345570639567434,0.0,0.0,0.29606678849143936,0.1301945101322134,0.0,0.03834157926582348 bpd,paperclip1213,2020/02/27,"Targets/triggers I was diagnosed with BPD 4 years ago. It's taken a lot of time to understand what's happening, and in this time I'm still trying to understand but it's been difficult. One thing I've noticed just now is that if shit get real bad with one person and they trigger me, I somehow end up using them as targets after they've triggered me/targeted me enough to make me turn on them. I'm currently doing this in a place I've been volunteering in on and off for the last couple of years. One particular woman there absolutely detests me and has targeted me in the past. It's now come to a point where I'm in the middle of a BPD episode and she's now become my own target where anything she says or does that negatively/may potentially negatively affect me triggers me to become suicidal or self harm. Is this a thing? Is there a name for it? A few years ago I did the same thing with the person who molested me when I was a kid. Now it's this woman at my ""work"" place.",4.437784156142364,4.9274051243781125,5.997213930348259,79.60422502870264,69.8955223880597,9.368694986605435,28.894374282433986,9.466822959209583,2.4059901262916195,774,27,159,16,13,265,107,201,0.14400000000000002,0.856,0.0,-0.985,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,3,1,12,5,2,0,13,0,10,2,1,6,0,27,22,11,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,6,16,9,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,3,6,1,19,0,25,16,5,35,0,0,0,0,14,16,1,5,18,113,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22677636568672066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526245273969928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680297864594047,0.0,0.2825422748022037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222068073837557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018672050759497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153458245517553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983017742601774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193854134326976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132939767297168,0.1321695184449475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682986790128123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131140671522071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426711094640206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874804256633742,0.0,0.0,0.085383693489995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563111627493416,0.0,0.0,0.26003383097039745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221085372496916,0.0,0.22337941713281384,0.2672861391724841,0.0,0.12092022447313625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559431535976958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172247224841838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344236345281069,0.0,0.13130204463482933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215241151947256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991732714303054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549414475809668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917554794886426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684531652723868,0.13913387203009858,0.0,0.2663262984628185,0.0,0.11047676241548786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312303020736702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471175710565108 bpd,Guineapiggea,2020/02/27,"Rational or irrational? My psychologist charged me for a missed appointment. I had to cancel an appointment less than 24 hours in advance. My daughter (3) was throwing up all night (literally) and even vomiting in her sleep, so I had to stay awake and watch her so she didn’t choke and ya know, die. I am so upset that my psychologist still charged me. I highly doubt she spent the hour she charged me for ($150) reviewing my file. I messaged her in the morning letting her know the situation. She does have a policy, but it seems so shitty to charge a long-time client, that has never even once been late, when their child is ill. Anyway, I was so upset I just canceled my upcoming sessions. If she was that hard up for cash then she’ll be hurting since I’m no longer a client. Rational or irrational?",3.2191981566820296,5.3876112193548416,4.182050691244239,84.79879032258064,75.51612903225806,8.04147465437788,27.20046082949309,8.841846274778883,2.178723502304148,629,25,125,14,14,203,100,155,0.261,0.7390000000000001,0.0,-0.9891,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,1,1,11,5,0,3,8,0,14,3,1,0,2,14,20,14,1,1,5,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,2,2,3,5,0,0,8,2,27,0,12,9,2,17,0,2,1,0,15,6,0,5,8,87,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21639147398592376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246092869656932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754263387987882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18677624782356345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202931144314421,0.0,0.0,0.4106636432503668,0.0,0.2232049980167141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291737686178167,0.0,0.23519859448408226,0.0,0.0,0.21320674771278736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845171257535316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080908798643362,0.0,0.0,0.19566438439084227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22204712356550094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898117902103142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724744639836719,0.2343642433040907,0.20865191831411492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222346876680975,0.1665094403658471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mylathehuskimo,2020/02/27,"mother rant- self harm and suicide trigger warning my mom and i have never seen eye to eye. i was at my lowest in high school, and while she took me to weekly therapy i was still struggling immensely. i was self harming myself on my forearms and pelvis. i tried to take my own life a total of 3 times- one of which i told her about the next day. i had tried to overdose on robatussion. i tripped really hard and got scared so made myself throw up. i didn’t sleep at all and the next day was a saturday, i was supposed to have math tutoring that morning. when i hear her up i go into her room and tell her what happened. she begins screaming at me and saying that it wasn’t even a real attempt and i was fine. i still had to sit through my tutor lesson that morning. we just had a major blow out phone call and i brought this to her attention and she was flabbergasted i felt that way and the whole time she thought i was okay and she did her best. but to me (and numerous friends at the time) i was far from it. we ended on rough terms. on one hand it feels good to get that off my chest, yet her reaction has me feeling low. i know she did try her best, she emotionally wasn’t able to give me what i needed at that time but she tried. it still doesn’t diminish that i was where i was still. sorry for the rant and if that makes zero sense i’m just in a million different places and had to just write it out.",1.5888321995464878,3.4214408537415015,2.945102040816326,93.3419614512472,79.23809523809524,6.1242630385487535,21.77324263038549,7.093109894594671,0.4545678004535145,1097,32,248,13,27,356,153,294,0.091,0.8220000000000001,0.087,0.6812,2,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,2,0,0,4,13,12,0,2,10,1,24,8,7,3,3,43,45,22,1,2,6,2,6,0,1,0,1,3,1,2,17,21,0,0,7,0,0,5,5,6,0,4,28,12,53,6,34,17,8,51,0,1,3,0,31,23,0,1,21,181,70,4,0.11367429563270305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385883202396077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607416538916468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662103328649906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876544459566313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786828244488832,0.10068168561208132,0.0,0.0,0.07508080017758506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495427880463,0.0,0.109145150317439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782447882454407,0.0,0.0593901277345562,0.10904674248494024,0.064603721833236,0.0953446059362847,0.09091571856200384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052180421287286,0.0,0.10182984097976742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128119192774217,0.0,0.0,0.1201031344878608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247242004007685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029151675368759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756136705714653,0.07587847503020098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313396117294218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428804984987939,0.08767262458997795,0.0,0.24178780602429334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405728926922738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876544459566313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938623490046133,0.07282266457900498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039836243926792,0.11380780056954436,0.1150444559612995,0.0,0.0,0.23717416357519286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375638984953018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724906730915314,0.0,0.0,0.3631217573254018,0.0,0.0,0.11883705513097945,0.0,0.12434122933741372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546892337515025,0.0,0.09935634478037797,0.0,0.12999646386909414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024469319032803,0.2651375837115971,0.0,0.0,0.1086206608819669,0.1262963250676996,0.30870953983147337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022936477030666,0.09118266322874227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691329153078165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,almejandro,2020/02/27,"It always comes back at unpredictable times So today we had to watch ""girl, interrupted"" at school, and while I know it might not be the bestest of representation of BPD, some scenes actually triggered me. This after being in ""control"" for a few weeks, without having any type of major crisis and being relatively stable emotionally. That has to be one of the things that annoys me the most about being like this; it's dormant long enough for me to think I'm normal and ok, and then BAM crazy symptoms out of nowhere. But whatever, just needed to vent, hope you guys are having a great day!",9.56609090909091,7.816959790909093,8.973636363636365,69.91045454545454,60.18181818181819,11.345454545454546,34.72727272727273,9.888512548439397,3.1884,467,14,84,7,5,149,84,110,0.094,0.787,0.11900000000000001,0.4508,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,1,0,1,4,5,1,0,5,1,11,1,0,2,0,21,17,8,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,8,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,1,6,4,18,10,5,14,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,4,10,64,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.2061788876931505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580195793477366,0.0,0.0,0.14367770447202907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16246134559801295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660998737537511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819990871979888,0.0,0.0,0.2369685834258724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625817754783556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376616606986729,0.0,0.21830880891604493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23293704214078484,0.0,0.20920050384246364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20984879917277025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611401053258813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322077848902664,0.0,0.0,0.1869762286705513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241347843179521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666150761826916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20700962655131325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316885513122055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21382672806074585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196009084131018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036510187714096,0.13537974883065196,0.0,0.0,0.12319911797847602,0.0,0.20026881843536584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947614181969498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036664646169626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,spookyseason,2020/02/27,"I hate myself I am a jealous, bitter fuck most of the time and I can’t help it. I know most of my feelings are irrational, but that doesn’t make it any easier to stop feeling them. In fact it makes it so much worse because I carry a ton of guilt and self hatred as a result. I feel like I bring everyone down. I think my SO deserves so much better than what I can give them. I have a strong feeling that they will leave after they realize my baggage is more than they bargained for. I don’t want to hold them back but I also don’t want to lose them. I keep telling myself to end it before it gets deeper. It’ll hurt much more if it goes on any longer. I feel like I love them and then when we are apart, I lose all trust. They’ve never given me a reason to make me lose their trust. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know where I’m going. I want to be a therapist but how am I supposed to do that when I still find myself breaking down in my bathroom floor for hours on end? It might even be too late since I dicked around so much in school. Who knows. All I know for sure is I’m hurting and I can’t escape it no matter how much I try. I might even deserve it. Idk.",0.3883333333333319,2.004867000000001,2.2598437500000017,97.85911458333337,82.125,5.047916666666667,17.697916666666664,5.7366,-0.6118067708333332,896,18,220,5,24,297,132,256,0.182,0.64,0.17800000000000002,-0.2617,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,9,5,16,18,4,1,7,0,23,3,1,7,5,46,51,19,0,4,4,0,5,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,17,6,0,3,14,0,1,2,9,10,0,0,1,6,46,8,25,44,12,27,0,5,0,3,17,11,2,5,15,155,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423932666201545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326786720119095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937737831475705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099896421644924,0.0,0.06421349862661106,0.0,0.08963548187345548,0.0,0.0,0.09316352689175754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18659765805589984,0.0,0.0,0.1391504462100428,0.0,0.0,0.1006556496041968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663120789799705,0.15050798796467765,0.0,0.0,0.09627767066295932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738393806234268,0.055035127190893686,0.10105048719939687,0.05986641523972515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400016572627092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060631547094127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373740842969408,0.0,0.2255345309805508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362988361636057,0.0,0.0,0.2894569951251392,0.0,0.1188266507595858,0.11153848197356099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292634364748192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.353541208677681,0.0,0.0,0.0950722965912744,0.0,0.2109432165057475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22349544512025046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.387180353724002,0.0,0.08124370546961185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083057358739276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660839617546916,0.0,0.0,0.10989124587418353,0.0,0.0,0.08713726772768435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412362821269177,0.08806787657227379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928048557774163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920706737094417,0.0,0.0,0.12230635886983315,0.0,0.0674967906415025,0.0,0.0,0.061423847696844024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151806806008024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18639449748071976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107349142703247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,officiallytimothy,2020/02/27,"I think I have BPD So basically for a while I’ve been wondering what’s wrong with me. My closest friends and even my parents have told me that I act extremely narcissistic and I actually almost lost a friend over it. After this I looked up if I had NPD and it was close but didn’t really describe me. Then I looked up sociopathy and that was also close but also didn’t really describe me. And after searching up those two it led me to BPD and that perfectly described me. I put up a narcissistic front when it comes to people that I’m close to in order and convince them that I’m better than I am and that they should stay around me. I constantly feel lonely and I have a characteristic of idolizing people early in a relationship (or friendship) and then having an irrational fear of abandonment if ANY sort of minor inconvenience happens. It gets to the point where I act either super narcissistic and controlling or I act super submissive. My image of myself is constantly changing, I get angry when I shouldn’t be, and I have mood swings. I wanted to see you guys’ opinions before I go to a therapist and get evaluated",7.124523809523808,6.92241576497696,8.047753456221201,69.57258256528421,64.16129032258064,11.472964669738865,33.29070660522273,11.038039088145766,3.730653149001536,899,33,162,23,12,305,121,217,0.132,0.75,0.11800000000000001,-0.2575,1,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,2,6,8,13,0,1,8,0,16,0,0,2,1,39,33,27,0,5,7,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,14,19,0,2,3,0,0,8,3,5,0,1,8,4,32,7,23,22,1,34,0,3,3,0,9,14,0,8,10,124,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.13762196023448844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412181195517626,0.0,0.0,0.2255584026095243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959031623104884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554388532972086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000354768759178,0.0,0.0,0.12472687721903215,0.0,0.0,0.35523701436049343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918781404536208,0.12148223041319138,0.0,0.3048000653389606,0.1581737166687697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314697070012423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586945270563358,0.07130746352158278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179141441347013,0.0,0.22104228277599888,0.0,0.08014886589495808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963885314819718,0.124709666513856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368542396270568,0.0,0.15394757569288595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659373903470625,0.0,0.0,0.19554066095391912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331605209221042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177103708411673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806909512898516,0.0,0.0,0.15141016689564038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123802206694198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031596492225252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637431590968913,0.0,0.09036437541488383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475729471009654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776283854972102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318134924408133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293771193103925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419083151024984,0.0,0.0 bpd,Indigochairudo,2020/02/27,"DAE get intensely angry at small things? Over the past few months of me going to therapy I've come to realize that I have a lot of suppressed anger I've let accumulate up until now, from childhood to me being a young adult. I never got mad growing up, if I wasn't happy or content, I was sad. Now my family, when they got angry, they expressed it, whether it be inflicting to their target or spewing the most vile of insults. And I was there to see it all. I KNEW it was bad, and I at some point in my childhood I wanted to make it my mission to not be them. So I never really got angry now I think about it. Fast forward to now: I'm 25 and I just sat here for an hour and a half contemplating how to set a person's apartment on fire, and I'm sure my plan is solid. Why? Oh, because everyday the kid next door bounces his basketball for 4+ hours in the evening in the house because his brain head father doesn't see anything wrong with it. It makes my blood boil when people can't be the least bit of considerate. But why on Earth am I contemplating the murder of a father and son because they're just ignorant neighbors? I'm glad I'm aware that my emotions go overboard and may be overreacting, especially with anger, but sometimes I really surprise and scare myself.",3.5787760097919232,4.76482769767442,4.981758465932278,83.53143818849452,72.4108527131783,7.9121991024071825,27.532435740514074,8.371475516178862,1.819586046511628,998,36,204,16,19,334,154,258,0.138,0.809,0.053,-0.9619,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,4,1,14,15,6,1,13,0,16,4,3,3,4,38,35,19,1,2,9,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,11,11,1,2,4,0,0,5,6,11,0,1,9,3,28,4,31,19,7,38,0,1,2,0,15,14,0,7,20,136,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641870961077465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812250838667886,0.25871851604399976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544498647568447,0.0,0.0,0.15792860059949354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186487663800505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913601221043502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344036617508383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336641795440654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391284149311299,0.0,0.16080263955878885,0.0,0.33944222810936553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059867924284115,0.0,0.0,0.14519022341186888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786411885476299,0.1632387230331572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466384488983536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027372019895773,0.0,0.0,0.18886619414974345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292092928161535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21822255825301984,0.0,0.15045618239378492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505022891896676,0.09807828866745824,0.1235271591120795,0.0,0.0,0.13373597263422415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812600938725477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163730985347078,0.0,0.22546839454379175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991859351221486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333489297506515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617845994803423,0.0,0.0939871517373622,0.09064900623695996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344335488190091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553114328645376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546765036894451,0.0,0.0 bpd,KevinTheKoop,2020/02/28,"Difficulty accepting when someone you used to be friends with isn’t a good person I’ve been friends with someone, let’s call him Mike, since 2015. He was an amazing person when I met him, and he continued to be a great friend to me. We had our ups and downs, but he and I remained close. He did so many nice things for me (i.e. went to a party with me because I have social anxiety and would’ve felt awkward going alone, brought me a get well card and chocolate when I was recovering from surgery near the end of 2017, etc). Then, I’d say around 2018 or, 2019 especially, he would start saying off color things and, when confronted later, he’d say “it was a joke” or “I don’t know what you’re talking about man, you’re crazy” or something. That was a common pattern with him: “I was just joking.” Even when he seemed to be serious. An incident happened with Mike and my friends recently, and he tried to speak to me privately to turn me against them, at the same time claiming to not be trying to do that. He also made up a rumor claiming my friend sexually harassed him (completely untrue), claims that his ex girlfriend is hacking him and making fake accounts of him and that her goal is to ruin his social life and make him have no friends (likely not true for many reasons, but he’ll say things on those accounts only to deny them later by saying someone else said them), has bullied me and my friends, and, on top of other things, told my friend he hopes she dies and rots in hell and that he means that “in the most disrespectful way possible.” He’s a pathological liar and manipulator. My friends and I were on the phone with him and he started talking about me in such a nice way, saying “Kevin is the best person in the world, I know he’s a much better person than me and he’s a great friend, I love him so much” when really he’s been saying the opposite, labeling us people who like drama and all other kinds of things. Now he’s constantly calling me and my friends on blocked or random numbers and leaving bizarre voicemails, and just won’t leave us alone. I could go on and on about what he’s done, but I’ll leave it at that. I’m having lots of difficulty accepting this. Mike, the same one who did all those nice things for me and was such a good friend, has now turned into this? My mind just can’t go there. I keep making excuses for him in my mind. Usually, when someone else fucks up that I’m close to, I’ll think “no, it’s MY fault. It’s ME. I’M the one that’s making a big deal out of this. I’M the toxic one. They are the innocent one, I’m just overreacting and I’m the problem.” This has led to me giving people so many chances and making excuses for them. Does anyone else relate to this?",4.8888893685914745,5.2038875559633055,5.427709120345386,84.69872504047491,68.85321100917432,8.466810577441986,28.689962223421478,8.313332769828598,1.7653194819212086,2118,69,446,28,34,682,243,545,0.129,0.6779999999999999,0.193,0.9927,0,2,1,0,0,0,65.0,4,1,5,4,26,44,5,1,27,0,36,4,0,10,3,86,75,46,1,4,13,1,1,2,13,3,2,9,0,5,32,39,0,2,9,3,2,6,8,11,1,4,20,11,58,33,61,45,10,56,1,1,1,2,88,27,2,9,23,288,90,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038536477531045,0.0,0.046476914152816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044460082752258975,0.0,0.0,0.040637431161220636,0.05954872133491315,0.0,0.05173730894859629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03542817091944652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060991216757739074,0.05140061552123267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868987675699208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06093557864743049,0.06280487140643286,0.0,0.046402464492744516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059917068081207586,0.0,0.0,0.060317270131581925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05085942122362081,0.05947485445284133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565030209321353,0.0,0.051475265046789016,0.0,0.06481689172877586,0.03838636655287024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055802358760744034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5388215301648122,0.053729120453992515,0.03036423702795155,0.055752046042698455,0.09908933340233464,0.09749318024455056,0.0,0.1281505191475651,0.0,0.0,0.05139352289725832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05772425095925755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05165791602816725,0.0,0.06052091521260462,0.06388022528878701,0.0,0.0,0.18461559428957747,0.0,0.05942955495790364,0.041050436142169903,0.0567870023102201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04940981397251467,0.052453730841323945,0.0549926219888118,0.1939709585601671,0.17676747805028345,0.0,0.06330749976122885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736515047359874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854467801428974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15752894380567953,0.044201329889557835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058335586170222,0.20298545491682432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551927109426926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561104175515815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03723185540477172,0.05975494567598275,0.0573844772310177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528349185813748,0.3235241590014708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052908410915577166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04807577971200317,0.0,0.0,0.11848788897644395,0.19697264638968692,0.0447420474381364,0.0,0.0,0.08227238693216167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342603465990698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23166595373291626,0.037239644101408016,0.0,0.0,0.033889051699045984,0.0,0.0,0.05553420440336478,0.0,0.07891656406371554,0.1264313098801621,0.0,0.0,0.13981750764454318,0.050195260074728534,0.06400872559218368,0.0,0.0,0.09226266799803393,0.0,0.0,0.05225502858022329,0.05387593412126675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257066710598722,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,a_hella,2020/02/28,"Phrases to cope when triggered? I just wanted to share a phrase that really helped me calm down when I was triggered back into ""defensive mode"" and started doubting my progress. It was ""people are not your enemy-"" remembering that people as a monolith (as opposed to some toxic individuals) are not out to hurt me just helped me feel a little more safe and open to myself. Does anyone else have phrases or reminders that help them calm down?",7.294,8.221335400000005,6.875000000000004,74.27,63.75,8.9,32.25,8.841846274778883,2.7464500000000003,352,13,58,5,5,110,56,80,0.027000000000000003,0.747,0.226,0.9390000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,1,5,7,1,1,3,0,5,0,0,2,0,20,8,7,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,9,4,11,6,2,10,0,1,0,0,6,6,0,3,4,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18357187191150315,0.2690000310801663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20187463453301668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22974776927497265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193158526979096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274652123240735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5279187556027239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810511310651295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631308976235057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36401999481108777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818783067947896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974030759611496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582493583128787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548510380014796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,narupoke,2020/02/28,"I hate myself Whenever I hurt the ones I love around me from my impulsiveness it always triggers the hatred I feel for myself. I just always go down the rabbit hole of thinking that I’m an evil person that’s manipulative and impulsive and that I’m better off dead. It makes me shut down and dissociate which usually makes the problem worse cause it comes off like I don’t care about the problem and that I’m emotionless and it makes me feel even worse about myself. Does anyone have coping mechanisms for this feeling?",8.49939393939394,7.709103787878793,8.222909090909088,71.37436363636364,61.62626262626264,11.152323232323234,32.931313131313125,10.355215969177356,3.2250549494949503,421,13,75,8,5,135,61,99,0.263,0.617,0.12,-0.9594,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,5,9,2,0,6,0,2,1,0,6,0,20,17,5,1,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,5,0,1,0,3,13,4,11,17,0,9,0,1,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,50,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072224652876244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908438073253906,0.0,0.0,0.16434302798083164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632735247832618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882233306198522,0.18964646373221156,0.0,0.1590261249246406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16155442668166048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193389723359342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28003477290809914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491874833898217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822652512490265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19763001177659476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019166341728772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666187347300868,0.0,0.3696880489295779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125097266101381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611953007173297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532958005330934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182913451999315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20332305631638425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762689862951335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,JampsDeedee,2020/02/28,"I have a partner that says he’s fine with me having BPD, until I actually start behaving like I do I feel bad even writing this. Because he’s lovely, and very caring, and he had to tolerate a lot of mental health problems growing up (a schizophrenic father, bipolar mother). And so when I told him that I had BPD, he said it was okay, it didn’t scare him, he’d be there for me. And he is there for me. The stability he’s given me has changed my life. Before I met him, I was completely chaotic, messed up and scared. I didn’t pick him because of his experiences - I actually really liked him, he seemed to really like me, and I found some peace for the first time in years. But it now feels like he’s ‘fine with me having BPD’ as long as it’s just a diagnosis on paper. When I actually start to display symptoms, even seemingly relatively mild ones, I can feel his irritation at best, total dismissal and wishing I’d ‘just fucking stop’ at worst. Has anyone else been through this? Something saying all the right things about understanding, yet as soon as it actually comes down to ‘BPD behaviour’ it’s not that they leave and don’t want to know (obviously my biggest fear) it’s just that they seem to automatically expect you to do better, because they’re only fine with the diagnosis, not the symptoms?",4.242556983008703,5.690570425196853,5.651243265644427,78.35660381268133,71.1259842519685,8.65445503522586,28.32905097389142,9.134995656068208,2.3384677165354333,1024,38,199,21,19,345,141,254,0.098,0.7509999999999999,0.151,0.8504,0,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,2,3,14,20,1,3,9,1,19,8,0,1,3,39,40,17,0,4,6,2,3,4,1,0,6,3,0,1,14,12,0,1,9,0,0,2,5,8,0,2,12,6,32,12,29,26,6,24,0,0,0,2,29,9,1,5,17,134,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.37974907523846935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802475250169149,0.09968117853042922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122988880737098,0.17791423986583876,0.0,0.08278336571803578,0.0,0.10209583396800508,0.08604171202147975,0.0,0.0,0.4901141048420618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918973471305467,0.0,0.10291586881200616,0.08380342166815591,0.10200269893030084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127011204998161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128513196310993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516454260218113,0.0,0.10947398909368866,0.14757243293757352,0.06950125971741661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275156701617396,0.0,0.10666926461186926,0.0,0.08993949707392447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341065004446287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05346593511019933,0.0,0.0,0.10301200765437338,0.0,0.0,0.06871609939071062,0.1901164353691727,0.0,0.0,0.08609519956632458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270922326021284,0.08780456727482341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804157801620808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592362698641813,0.07399051662625995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930897264826578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246480240859932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308185813228193,0.09254142655227124,0.15473173528880738,0.19480085696639451,0.0,0.0,0.26569702771156817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489564710238311,0.0,0.0,0.1377193045638269,0.0,0.0,0.08133559481038938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022351629317031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064632608883951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056728348433217876,0.0,0.0,0.09296110511833257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012783345787132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027127937941635,0.057381904019363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187429497442623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264910421588052 bpd,disisamfthrowawayacc,2020/02/28,"Do i fucking have bpd? Hi guys, I'm 16 years old and idek wtf I am anymore. I'm super depressed and have a CONSTANT feeling of emptiness like something is just... missing In my life. I am quite honestly terrified of myself and I'm scared someday I'll become a fucking sexual abuser or something and my self image often fluctuates, for example, I'll say to myself ""i am 100% destined to die before 30 either by suicide or in jail."" Then, after 15 minutes of ruminating on those thoughts ill come to the conclusion of ""yannow what, these are just thoughts and i can be whoever I want to be, im going to be great in life."" And it's just all day back and forth. I'm fucking scared of myself and I'm scared someday I'll act out of impulse and do SOMETHING. I have some pretty fucked up sexual urges that i constantly battle with my morality over. I think about suicide a lot but I don't have the balls to do it. If my mental health gets so bad I might just do it tho. Another symptom I have is it is super hard to trust people and i usually get bored of friendships after awhile. So, i know I'm only a teenager but does this sound concerning?",1.199840159840161,3.5739051428571464,3.301839826839828,87.214517982018,84.15151515151516,5.978088578088577,24.469030969030968,7.321109707123232,1.3272609390609396,892,36,175,14,26,302,133,231,0.18100000000000002,0.711,0.109,-0.9278,0,0,3,0,1,2,27.0,0,0,0,4,10,18,5,3,6,0,22,9,0,0,1,35,43,19,3,2,10,0,2,1,0,1,5,2,0,2,9,13,0,0,6,1,0,3,1,12,0,0,2,4,21,6,27,37,4,20,1,2,0,4,4,7,4,7,11,114,30,0,0.0,0.13779461734631196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219490397267252,0.0,0.0,0.11533678810168108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942631078797131,0.09710432777750468,0.0,0.1284424742232497,0.09896139459543063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464737961103895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001807960840471,0.0,0.2513545650937516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500286353004545,0.0,0.1001676637515084,0.0,0.12069940485550636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177353616294277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058803978475115364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43006408267877816,0.1215222549087588,0.0,0.06609507549606651,0.0,0.0,0.1282194250443742,0.0,0.11515372598172766,0.0,0.0,0.10418054620264357,0.0,0.0,0.12361978829510788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562225680381384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639145733682265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429003503010253,0.056817536398941035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887276276751143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172014595524816,0.12337425131518333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220356344050549,0.0,0.0,0.08845019344962211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062668513138035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831730910540805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369769132378593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248517609507692,0.349305038033373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132462188234262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685966300871579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544232037140027,0.0,0.0,0.12087859430674967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451933534567161,0.0,0.18465591889368455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808628553119442,0.0,0.06859582474139643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489237323926863 bpd,britneyspearmintgum,2020/02/28,"friendship boundaries + honesty hello. i have had one of the roughest weeks in a while. everything seems to be going wrong. i thought i was feeling better, i thought i felt well enough to schedule plans with friends tonight. they’re work friends and getting together with them is always a great time. but my emotions are getting the best of me right now- i find myself anxious during the in between of our hangout. i can already imagine myself being a burden to them tonight- bringing the weight of my sadness from the week into the hangout. my question is: do i cancel the plans and focus on being there for myself tonight, honestly telling them how i feel? or do i pursue our plans regardless of how awful i feel, unsure of how the hangout will go? i never know if i am avoiding my emotions or opening myself up for support in times like this. any help is appreciated. thank you",4.1089090909090915,6.525536618181821,4.361818181818183,83.38272727272731,73.72727272727272,5.612121212121212,32.81818181818181,6.42735559955562,2.041836363636364,702,36,118,5,15,219,106,165,0.127,0.6459999999999999,0.22699999999999998,0.9539,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,2,1,3,6,6,14,0,1,11,1,15,1,0,3,1,27,30,10,0,2,4,0,5,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,1,11,3,0,3,1,4,1,1,5,5,28,10,21,21,2,22,0,1,0,0,12,8,0,5,12,93,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728864913687874,0.0,0.13035991741023772,0.0,0.0,0.10653927810983438,0.0,0.0,0.176989690925219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441288451045508,0.13855967978186642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35245972029223666,0.0,0.16187941610287293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080265462359914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376473988262407,0.0,0.15042537686669508,0.0,0.14319126446021105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420818568095791,0.0,0.16370461391364916,0.0,0.17807551092268611,0.0,0.0,0.17272648116083034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501092851065746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610036543970502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653983105149699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083164076904045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061619583187393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550346451765328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379319620717905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262421568087028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17778443200519034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693430779303856,0.1442383928453702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487530035717101,0.1827081681382293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513384504945971,0.190778818830428,0.14086290511593427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405581205910065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129132642230452,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheNightmanCometh_,2020/02/28,"DAE feel like they’ve mentally exhausted every person around them? For the past four-ish years my mental state has been entirely fucked. My relationship with my best friend is officially in the toilet. He described me as someone who goes from one crisis to another, and he said he was always wondering “what will it be next?” My brother, who I was always close with, doesn’t speak to me either. My husband is the best person I know and I am truly blessed to have him in my life. He understands me more than anyone else, and is very patient with me. However, my highs and lows take a toll on him. I have other friends who I talk to regularly and, while they say they’re always here for me, I must say that I feel guilty dumping my issues onto them. These days, I don’t typically talk to my mom about my mental health because she’s seen me at my worst and I don’t want her to worry about me. I hide my bad days from her most of the time. I can’t count how many times I’ve unlocked my phone during an episode, opened my contacts, put my phone down and just cried my eyes out. I don’t want to keep draining the people who I love, so most of the time I don’t. But it makes me feel so lonely. I hate that my self worth is tied to the validation of those around me. I want to love myself, but I don’t know how. I never have. I feel so incredibly empty inside.",3.3214516129032248,4.269939738351258,4.441897849462368,88.06284677419359,72.76344086021507,7.443799283154122,23.26899641577061,7.734863291789972,0.8485869534050177,1053,26,232,13,20,345,155,279,0.109,0.7979999999999999,0.09300000000000001,-0.6623,1,2,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,3,2,11,16,3,0,9,0,22,7,1,3,2,38,42,16,0,4,4,3,4,1,2,2,3,4,0,3,12,15,0,1,8,0,1,1,8,8,0,1,5,10,54,8,32,34,7,25,1,2,2,3,36,13,1,3,11,155,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796438682081829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746904954577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783311978167788,0.11478389596320165,0.0,0.19945381713141566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353704724830723,0.06829002191521541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23512879276166285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305532247323513,0.14449503024917554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358336472331293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438675336980698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265748865742944,0.08003141096771955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17310205009364235,0.10356625019200172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106025017875264,0.0,0.11907842053218914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836164063128482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692605945412005,0.0,0.09957387373113112,0.0,0.0,0.123133141556728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912729082604666,0.05473025464794306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022157134125503,0.0,0.0747782381489995,0.11357680095310063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386876376359819,0.0,0.0,0.13120352050232226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640137269664147,0.0,0.11914094302246027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591173030940837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694151195922866,0.07766473677556733,0.19563359898338864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261709174780656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202740207558754,0.0,0.0,0.10656239858179,0.17817517476656225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686757067505968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491928308431456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422962512019064,0.18008454257723774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195969819199168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662303747803901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243319869364654,0.1982275470123484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148743982184693,0.0,0.11376786103438065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214108386878884 bpd,necrofeelyuh,2020/02/28,"i have 'quiet' bpd and i hate feeling like an outlier sounds stupid as hell now that i say it but there's a deep part of me that wishes i could actually get so attached i have an fp or my love could be seen as too much. im have such thick walls it takes me ages to build any sort of attachment, and in my relationships past and present i wish i could smother them in love and adoration they deserve for even wanting to be with me. but i cant, if i show any emotion it's a weakness and now im vulnerable, if i get attached I'm gonna get hurt when they leave, if i care about them deeply im gonna sacrifice my own wellbeing for them instantly. and it just goes on and on and on and oh my god",1.0870748987854275,2.48028282894737,3.1765789473684234,93.11336032388668,79.26315789473685,7.045344129554657,23.534412955465587,7.882392219407189,0.9003485829959512,538,18,133,9,13,183,90,152,0.136,0.66,0.205,0.9288,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,5,0,10,11,4,0,4,0,9,3,0,0,0,25,25,19,0,9,7,0,2,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,6,10,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,6,23,5,15,17,3,14,2,1,1,2,9,8,1,5,7,84,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.14721381427078578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20517467270923506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18999800527862512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380787088891826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613390155471611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16969283309671893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963904613166538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627738823877346,0.1077716440331064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364482928969477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489391890969426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161494599181765,0.0,0.4888514979157596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973485178831542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737006814004376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27230708068595993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110896607741373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336247981025204,0.1440092386210817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619630192020592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996684350738007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342502981931173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897884957856321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469541917214265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ThePhilosopher2,2020/02/28,"Really need validation right now... I posted this: https://www.reddit.com/r/INTP/comments/fas8xs/doing_a_full_indepth_psychodidactic_worried_ill/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf on r/INTP. I have always struggled with identity issues and tend to base my entire self-worth on my intellect. I didn’t expect to be made fun of and I really don’t handle rejection very well. This made me cry and want to engage in harmful behaviours (which I haven’t done in about a year).",12.587584033613446,17.556641750000004,9.022100840336137,47.68088235294121,57.970588235294116,8.591596638655464,21.478991596638657,9.23628265651192,2.0990815126050424,421,8,51,8,7,120,51,68,0.131,0.693,0.175,0.2799,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,1,0,6,0,0,2,0,9,11,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,4,0,8,3,10,6,0,8,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834013295559605,0.4776349343298152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242113405473216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255590944170625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300539779509179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4171203487434055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343349712915012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21109479141038046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824045108080503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18823155581418827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22993890029969846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304235955533069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818638646806094,0.13000533825263952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981778187391562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193878930998965 bpd,scarlettexx11,2020/02/28,"Tips for Jealousy/Insecurity in relationship with FP?? Anyone have any tips for overcoming feeling jealous and insecure in romantic (or otherwise) relationship with FP?? Our relationship is great now, but he has lied to me in the past. Those past issues + my BPD = I’m having a really hard time getting over the idea that I will be lied to again.",4.1416145833333315,6.690373265625002,5.901250000000001,71.75208333333336,74.15625,9.891666666666666,29.416666666666664,10.125756701596842,3.6089354166666654,275,12,48,9,6,94,51,64,0.198,0.721,0.081,-0.8422,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,9,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,1,10,7,0,9,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,5,30,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427210732137472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834312504437286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672007440923396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727152037692188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084179490687804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339007159555595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900484605745684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23949622886609326,0.0,0.2214338289466692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050503125998163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591139065932434,0.0,0.0,0.6833225304039666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370879974874355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,justrideeeee,2020/02/28,"therapy ethical question I just had a consultation with a new therapist. Midway through our conversation we were talking about my undergraduate thesis and how I'd like to continue working on it but feel conflicted about grad school. He stopped and said he could either be my therapist or we could stop and begin a different kind of sort of academic but ""non-professional"" relationship. He told me to think about it and then decide. Then we talked for a while longer, about 1.5 hrs total. I think he would be a great therapist (he works in psychoanalysis and is knowledgeable on borderline) but part of me wants to fuck with this total stranger and make things really weird on purpose. I had a similar fantasy with my old therapist but he had much more rigid boundaries. This man seemed to be making a point of telling me his age and that he's divorced. A couple of my friends think that his offer is unethical. Just want some more opinions...",5.8874776386404255,7.8069443488372094,6.172325581395353,74.37553667262972,67.72093023255813,10.408586762075137,32.41681574239713,10.560738912317856,3.772068336314847,756,33,133,22,13,242,107,172,0.105,0.8109999999999999,0.084,-0.5966,1,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,4,0,0,2,7,7,1,1,8,0,12,1,0,3,2,46,25,16,0,5,8,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,7,13,0,4,8,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,6,2,16,4,22,13,8,15,0,0,0,1,26,5,1,6,11,91,23,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20754350552173528,0.14381111167974767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579266686697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571754999862954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041574160218374,0.1201566568664124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329415618902416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534542871717162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349756234055617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735141146017491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955440862907982,0.0,0.0,0.12552738849809872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638333856989832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074658536057633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286517969241703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559794588121605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326313992431282,0.0,0.0,0.1395408660168288,0.0,0.0,0.12363276200032645,0.0,0.0,0.13153820571657265,0.0,0.1183212701420232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21732416734829468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089325098599456,0.11360091374906835,0.0,0.14863386039734164,0.6036282158109025,0.08634736084488838,0.249841674327336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419344084662876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332124318927234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892417565346548,0.0,0.0,0.09232810095207533,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,garbagebabydoll,2020/02/28,"Why do I alternate between “quiet” and “normal” borderline depending on the person? I’m more of a quiet borderline usually, because I am such a people pleaser, I hide my problems and water down my emotions for other people. I also tend to stay very very long in abusive relationships and throughout the whole relationship I am a flattened squashed dull version of myself. But every now and then I meet someone and it allllll comes out. And it makes me feel like I’m being fake and attention-seeky, because it’s not how I usually act. But it’s how I always -want- to act, I just usually have enough self control to keep it all to myself. So why am I able to control it around some and not around others?",7.6459682539682525,6.924870422222228,8.538835978835982,68.19333333333337,63.2962962962963,10.973544973544977,37.8042328042328,10.290406445055957,4.026978835978836,557,25,95,11,7,190,84,135,0.115,0.845,0.04,-0.8697,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,9,4,0,0,5,0,6,1,0,6,1,30,14,15,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,8,12,1,3,1,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,0,3,15,1,15,13,6,16,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,2,7,74,23,0,0.14025220252366258,0.16617592578066406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215963568644784,0.11670106786937767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24970839087948216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709928817690909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208148536954156,0.0,0.0,0.3146095420342638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577648504087495,0.0,0.1449180169838998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816852965407952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091572770313352,0.10019620150661968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246626018024758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852014174066945,0.0,0.0,0.12411878575401365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361943426074576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741738011099155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19446643566141933,0.12246281346402316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342024163414572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30115675517773355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631363510097886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883523606269933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949018674088466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4634039591936731,0.2314455109618299,0.08272438285772289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531115958860004,0.1565865754227639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,EkionFTW,2020/02/28,"Can't tell if my therapist is actually shitty or I'm just splitting Jesus dude, do you need to monologue about how I should study more for 90% of the fucking session? Shut the fuck up. He was kinda cool last week and I thought we had a connection, but this week I feel like I'm talking to an amateur and not a legit therapist. It would be so much more fucking helpful if you could just help me understand why I'm feeling apathetic and not go on about how I should study more or I'm gonna regret it. It also feels like he's trying to paint me a certain way so he focuses on stuff that fits his narrative and ignores the stuff that does not. When I mention a certain feeling to him it doesn't feel like he gives a fuck and continues to monologue.",3.0314718614718643,4.4203955454545465,4.509805194805197,85.58708874458877,74.06493506493507,7.730735930735931,29.06709956709957,8.344100000000001,2.020993073593073,590,25,123,10,12,197,94,154,0.111,0.72,0.16899999999999998,0.8276,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,2,0,0,10,12,4,0,9,1,11,4,0,2,2,35,30,16,0,8,10,0,5,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,1,7,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,3,6,13,6,12,21,4,12,1,1,0,4,15,5,4,5,8,79,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.13361665281628413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109496909940539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932151086612653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982184202333335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34616076461703604,0.2934524809823381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5063307468470329,0.0,0.13134858188876247,0.07781623782758595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835525917099008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161014915976768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20068031810300185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065382524378493,0.10152633233844596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134871116809361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005315531084683,0.11967633962432113,0.0,0.0,0.31795525660021823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870120650484412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929614203697932,0.0,0.0,0.14254119840283966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868274317263883,0.21966201346344547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355130011796328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972658476217564,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,makemepureagain,2020/02/28,"I decided to go away from my FP without telling them...is this the right decision? I don't want to get long so I'll try to make it short I've found someone who quickly became my FP But I know who I am, I'm a burden, and how I hurt everyone I end up having any kind of relationship with I love this person so much that in order to protect this person from everything, including me, I have to get away, and I've been doing it without a word. It's been 3 days already of no contact and I also haven't received any attempt to contact me from that person, so I think it's ok for my FP. It's not missing neither worried about me. It's someone happy, healthy, with friends, functional, I don't want to ruin that person with my dark depressive aura. I want that person to be happy, even if it means that I need to suffocate those feelings and suffer alone. I'm not blocking neither erasing accounts because I'm not ghosting them. I'm still there if they ever want to talk again or ask me why I went away. Ghosting is something I'd never do. But I am suffering alone, way too much. I hope you to be happy, sweetie. Because with me, you won't be able to. Sorry for not telling you anything. I just feel you will be happier that way. I love you way too much and this is why I am doing this.",3.1445345640219955,3.9755136380597063,4.7931421838177535,85.82114296936372,73.06716417910448,7.283896307934015,29.4037706205813,7.475848149327749,1.6995194029850742,997,41,210,11,19,338,132,268,0.107,0.723,0.17,0.9734,0,2,1,0,0,1,32.0,0,5,2,1,15,16,0,0,3,1,21,2,0,2,2,41,46,15,2,8,12,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,21,9,0,2,8,0,1,3,14,7,0,0,4,2,35,9,31,36,5,22,0,6,0,2,25,7,0,4,8,146,56,0,0.09735596165093734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20166283049712844,0.10743472459115644,0.07785552735851442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241078480162993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011566117318758,0.0,0.09101468205484352,0.0,0.2744073922000189,0.0,0.0,0.11869458119409038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278654120709846,0.0,0.08385254711286426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622848524237155,0.0,0.0,0.06430269448450196,0.08806404104726566,0.0,0.09302779345555008,0.08749726078321649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845219886011794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674578689374324,0.07521697446960954,0.0,0.10172894348696188,0.0,0.05532963657524435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310911694512521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669643696721056,0.0,0.0,0.1042215705112207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138125252043613,0.05350429044500028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615696244763048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757351128409808,0.0,0.06498586038343235,0.0,0.0,0.1060491831160194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147035012018729,0.0721882119712592,0.07508691942986051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4250373525955087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045238683615594,0.0,0.08314145930596345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497878074960468,0.07494937566083486,0.0,0.10898202841824704,0.0,0.0,0.07774859673426103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825103419673997,0.17018680324125926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06238176916448411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609830734782439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22969227435084735,0.2318298924345188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024995181806107,0.17569722527763906,0.0,0.0,0.1876953457518207,0.0,0.0,0.09886970482736512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ErrorCannot,2020/02/28,"DAE get angry they can't die It seems so unfair that I dont want to exist, but can't stop existing without everyone close to me being hurt. I guess I'm lucky I'm loved enough that me killing myself would ruin a few people lives... but it doesn't seem fair! I never asked to exist and it's so hard living inside my head. I'm just trapped in this shitty brain. Then comes the horrible spiral of wanting to talk to someone about it but knowing that would upset them. And on and on forever until I have no idea what I'm actually upset about. I'm undiagnosed (waiting on an appointment) but lots on this subreddit really resonates with me.",4.226736111111111,5.2707536875000045,5.628541666666668,80.04006944444446,70.71875,8.501388888888886,26.722222222222207,8.841846274778883,2.006705555555555,504,16,97,9,9,170,88,128,0.318,0.597,0.085,-0.9899,0,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,2,0,5,7,1,2,3,0,8,3,2,0,1,26,24,11,2,4,6,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,2,4,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,0,1,11,2,16,21,3,11,0,2,0,1,5,6,0,5,4,64,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.1741657437411004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16684992637496213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19923699832717767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374031132234184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18522875445448636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20917123756102649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18441226691785995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054040225653572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932457618254076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196610208723326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987844210669597,0.0,0.18316672337515685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910610571160556,0.20147642262282847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19745601846401184,0.0,0.09808513000258083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31519318887252057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173296603098005,0.16108055303288793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376508349613932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373201409367447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433558229029435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32495366692423217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512211920100735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492129965438949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345135311930587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21053822415840104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720434215258996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535668771009235,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nushka1129,2020/02/28,"You start seeing someone who is always travelling and you’re madly in love with them yet don’t know wtf to do because you want to push them away but you don’t want them to abandon you because you’re clingy and needy AF Has anyone had a similar experience? I (26F) recently starting seeing this guy (25M) who needs to travel for work like every month. Of course, my BPD caused me to fall madly in love with him almost instantly and my emotions are so intensified with this guy. Anything he says or does can make or break my day. He is my new FP now. I don’t know wtf to do with him; being such a needy person in relationships makes it so difficult for me to deal with his constant travelling. I’ve already tried to push him away on purpose a couple of times (we’ve only been seeing each other for a couple of months btw). But then when he actually agrees to leave ofc I panic and beg him to stay and just deal with me and that I’m sorry for overreacting, bla bla bla ... he doesn’t know I have BPD, anxiety and depression. Nor does he know I take medication for my mental illness. I don’t think he would understand, idk. He keeps telling me to trust him and that he really likes me and wants to make it work (long-term), but ofc I don’t believe it. I love this guy yet my BPD is causing me to ruin this relationship which could potentially turn into something great. Anyone have any tips or advice for managing this? I’m really struggling.",3.34378623188406,4.947403958333339,4.6170893719806765,84.2629347826087,73.65277777777777,7.786473429951693,24.32729468599034,8.456263369488248,1.4821070048309184,1132,34,230,20,23,374,152,288,0.172,0.7170000000000001,0.111,-0.9588,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,4,3,2,10,15,2,2,4,0,21,5,0,5,0,44,47,20,0,6,7,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,4,14,17,0,2,6,3,0,6,7,8,0,0,2,4,33,7,35,42,1,29,0,3,3,3,36,7,0,4,16,133,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.08872616272326045,0.0,0.0,0.08884733167707741,0.0,0.0,0.09104464021202446,0.0,0.10033401663608768,0.0,0.07565388144882647,0.0,0.0,0.06182966417813924,0.0,0.06955461578182062,0.0,0.0,0.12714870219782815,0.0,0.07482055835812554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084728088822826,0.0,0.0,0.11084967294756416,0.0,0.0,0.1024372732226554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34353692994676205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868026294360167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825372400322707,0.0,0.07259333292532913,0.201205581110054,0.0,0.058636775902471835,0.18747192497970933,0.07831046143616205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591318451567651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022743279690867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660519390823585,0.0,0.0,0.08893856752228818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100241155321476,0.0,0.2700794172486625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081511052172226,0.0,0.0,0.19987207629711254,0.0,0.0,0.09627262578956557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883919872794284,0.0,0.0,0.08046257051834907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24618031743132215,0.0,0.18207220491237225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159373671445567,0.09162737788629224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451451748162466,0.0,0.0,0.06741705987907333,0.0,0.08781244666348084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914981545682101,0.0,0.10667666304270557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938905222415739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649314338676622,0.0,0.0897739054577282,0.19523109659314392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230433999116917,0.0,0.0,0.21735773263950536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703740012982202,0.06999572934203435,0.0,0.10177905415555992,0.12870925801929675,0.09691010606789342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505077974739072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836157124580428,0.0,0.07946930386163371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058258756551539975,0.0,0.0,0.05301699466624666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061729656722178235,0.09889636542635727,0.0,0.09465237526678692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088337753645465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238371204109373,0.0,0.0,0.06458794799604542,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ArkansasApology,2020/02/28,"Quite sure most people at work hate me, and I'm not sure if I'm imagining it. Sorry I needa rave about someone I hate and want to die. I think this is a DAE. So like four weeks ago I have this nightmare about someone dying and screaming for help because I've been thinking about this for a while now and then I start posting in my work chat slightly related images and so on because I'm part terrified part obsessed with thsi. And we talk about all sorts of shit on that chat it's not exactly SFW in the first place. And then this fucking bitch goes off on me about how it makes her uncomfortable because she can't just be nice when she decides that she's uncomfortable about someone's actions that aren't even directed at her or malicious in the first place. So because she can't be civil I fire off on her in the chat and then the supervisor is like blah blah our harassment policy and I go fucking numb for almost an hour because I'm either about to cry all over the place or explode like I'm sitting in front of my computer like my viision is going white at the corners and I can't move. Everyone decides she's the fucking victim just because she complained the loudest and I went home and drank most days for the next week and do a bit of light cutting (I've gotten way less extreme with self mutilation over the years so there's one victory) and took like a week just to decide that maybe most of the office doesn't hate me and wish I wasn't there and now this one fucking thing has made me decide that maybe they do mostly hate me and wish I wasn't there because I make them uncomfortable. I cannot fucking stop all this ""they hate me and they wish I just left"" bullshit so... yeah, venting over. Has anyone ever been there? Any advice on what to do about thinking most of your workplace hates you and you do a terrible job even when you try hard and they think you're a horrible person?",4.500240384615381,5.347803895833334,4.950729166666665,85.8739182692308,69.9375,7.886858974358977,28.571314102564106,8.012643519586192,1.6936080929487187,1512,53,311,19,26,481,179,384,0.19899999999999998,0.7120000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.9927,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,2,4,5,5,29,29,16,1,18,1,22,8,1,4,7,65,56,35,2,5,10,0,2,7,0,0,1,1,1,2,16,23,1,1,9,3,0,7,10,21,0,5,9,5,43,8,41,45,13,54,0,0,1,5,28,23,7,10,26,207,59,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300784195527547,0.0662278073516927,0.0,0.07481341958173088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050806819577565006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05224046788831365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188068046283485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156631044092966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206778143729751,0.04818315178461406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507881888098152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869333232696494,0.06758141115865705,0.0,0.07139065484546442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710022221127745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3453508639127058,0.0,0.0,0.08492126580118503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692740562732127,0.442576644098817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050077974932524576,0.0,0.07494237159960546,0.0,0.07357641174528247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414027416401897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117496253190787,0.0,0.0,0.1825028973221358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706944366562761,0.0997418718887688,0.0,0.15011678030732067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794071848054304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945721221711033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125376402007516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181194155918832,0.0,0.051795993175905226,0.06523576193403867,0.2341748649065184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155358114169147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946556112584602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794105979735091,0.0,0.07669094167398095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18991007024607495,0.0,0.0,0.08363412788978168,0.052881639719957726,0.0,0.0,0.062462697365394775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083062215864225,0.0,0.0,0.060050790910238565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04963542835170212,0.19149009927658026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830079404594712,0.05072464121158225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04406715796899503,0.059303021956772936,0.17978872487786746,0.0,0.0,0.06925890554570174,0.0,0.0,0.25774583365050474,0.0,0.0,0.10878266058993474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048112170888676746 bpd,lokabb,2020/02/28,"Pushing people who love me away I recently ended a two year relationship. I think I did it because I wasn't happy, or because we had gotten too close. I was supporting her, which had been eating at me for quite a while and I didn't feel like it was an equal partnership. The point to this is, once I get an idea in my head about someone (romantic, or not) I can't get that idea out of my head. I will never know if she was using me or truly loved me (she did move to another state to be with me, but her situation at home was not a good one) I don't know what I want to accomplish by posting this, maybe someone else has a similar experience. Since this happened, I feel completely exhausted, mentally, emotionally and physically. It does feel like the absolute worst thing in the world. I don't know if I will ever truly be happy, this sucks...",3.8560980392156834,4.834576864705884,5.552647058823529,80.48524509803923,71.52941176470588,9.431372549019608,27.696078431372552,9.725611199111238,2.4536078431372554,657,23,136,16,12,225,103,170,0.138,0.767,0.095,-0.8175,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,0,2,4,11,1,0,9,0,20,6,2,1,2,27,37,9,0,3,8,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,12,6,1,0,9,0,0,2,8,3,0,2,12,3,26,8,15,21,2,19,0,0,0,2,9,9,1,5,8,100,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546342533674274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137507334244177,0.0,0.0,0.15750191766643826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544970347052718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305207362156665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219015424780398,0.10791883639969542,0.14531754902693522,0.11442099248775035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685668547681645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636929425937654,0.0,0.0,0.1959618960227412,0.18458188103404544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134989344249651,0.0,0.0,0.10835559986168997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423929322172648,0.2750430986711407,0.0,0.0,0.26516546589072354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958470379291534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916719177279592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21299274820363576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622810506820056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331919199286957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978531433726812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018971859903486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730492246785475,0.0,0.0,0.09963667829561527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137579524230801,0.08754019080527912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956172976776837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212310394104735,0.0,0.12372506260019715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13740586240380973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755619290537945,0.1386980731828018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686449937207257,0.14521116316544858,0.0,0.0,0.2189187920874296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465994349239069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582584382242386,0.08277756382799821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619654713285888,0.0,0.0,0.11157575333921384,0.0,0.0,0.07619761011723697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083191941759635 bpd,birudongker,2020/02/28,"my FP pushed me away feels like I'd rather beaten to death than this, this is sucks",-1.16,0.8274363333333383,-0.7944444444444443,111.445,102.33333333333334,2.4000000000000004,6.0,3.1291,-2.9601333333333333,66,0,17,0,3,19,17,18,0.3720000000000001,0.526,0.10099999999999999,-0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,9,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6838743781850429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36804185049433613,0.5200030601021425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35560912338005785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,goofybozo,2020/02/28,"Afraid of getting into relationships Using a throwaway account for obvious reason. I have had a few people that told me that they were attracted to me and would like to go into something serious with me. I always backed out and ghost them after that despite I may also have feelings for them too. I was just too afraid of them knowing my true colors. I can't bear for another person to see my flaws and weaknesses. It embarrasses me. Like I really really would like to be in love, but I always don't have to courage to let my guard down. I'm really frustrated.",4.65461009174312,6.086492385321102,6.070538990825689,75.80745986238534,70.10091743119266,9.486697247706422,28.303899082568808,9.827888789773867,2.8597055045871564,446,16,80,11,8,151,70,109,0.133,0.753,0.114,-0.6348,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,4,0,5,13,1,3,2,0,13,2,0,2,2,19,22,5,1,2,2,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,3,0,1,1,2,6,0,0,4,3,18,7,18,13,1,8,0,0,2,1,8,5,0,1,5,65,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929504836736173,0.35229987701995125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219841184456965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627829199032904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704101772469718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060362052831413,0.0,0.12031301845815758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634384540273862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164758475136302,0.0,0.31027527788751763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19106597461769026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676494101302784,0.1848467837979976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068580418764016,0.2176611034274451,0.0,0.22728474072661645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869613079057028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297568853622252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20228679102054692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828393544851684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007687867458486,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,stardropjill,2020/02/28,"How many of us are in or have been in an abusive relationship? I’m not seeking advice but I really just want to vent about an experience if that’s okay. I’d like to hear about others experiences too. My girlfriend is a bitch. I do care about her but it’s very clear she’s hurting me and the physical violence keeps escalating. It started off with her shouting me down in any arguments even if I was just sitting there crying. If I tried to speak at all she’d snatch my glasses off my face and threaten to break them (very poor vision and my only pair). Then she started throwing things at me, directly at my head and face. She’s broken several cups on me and it’s hard to defend myself because I can barely see. I end up just covering most of the time and praying it will end soon. It’s escalated again. This time I stood up for myself and demanded my glasses back. I took something important of hers and threatened to drop it in the toilet if she didn’t give them back and leave me alone. I have her over a minute and she wasn’t backing off so I dropped it and it set off a bomb. I ended up getting my arm wrung through a door and having the door repeatedly closed on me with a lot of force. She stopped and blocked my way out then started hitting me in the arm and asking me “what are you going to do about it” as I cried. I raised up my hands to protect my head and she started hitting my hands away. I backed up and she kept coming for me. I thought she might actually kill me so I planted my foot down and punched her twice in the jaw, hard, which set her off again. She wailed on me and punched me in the head so many times I can’t even remember. She screamed that I hit her first but that’s not even true. She hit me and slammed the door on me on top of taking my glasses. I tried to escape out of the front door but she dragged me back inside and no one heard me scream so I took another round and she stopped. I tried to just stay away from her but she’d come back and throw stuff at me to punish me. She started to sob and this went on for ten minutes. I did nothing because I didn’t want to get attacked again...She got upset that I didn’t comfort her and attacked me again for letting her cry. The weirdest part of this is the end because I’m sure this was a manipulation tactic. She took my phone earlier today and she told me after all of this that she threw it in the woods. I just okay that’s fine and looked down. She stormed out of the house and literally walked into the woods...I didn’t want to follow her because she’s terrifying so I waited and watched out of my window. She comes back about an hour later... Now apparently she climbed a tree and got lost out there. She claims to have woken up and not remembered how she got there or what happened. She starts crying and seeking comfort, I don’t know why but I give it to her. I told her she threw my phone in the woods and that I’d playa sound on it if she’d help me look for it. She paused and said play the sound INSIDE. I do and the phone rings inside. Obviously she remembers what she did if she can remember she didn’t throw my phone into the woods and actually hid it. She seemed to know exactly where to look so I brought that up and she exploded at me, but at least not physically. I have welts on my head and my wrist is hurt enough I cry if I brush it up against something. I’m going to leave I just feel like I deserve the treatment so it’s hard. The thought of leaving her is so hard that I get so emotional and I don’t understand why I’m so attached.",1.8457464892830728,3.6305058116531193,3.1291746735649184,92.54399113082044,78.28184281842817,6.261345158906134,23.783444198078342,7.1686216300943375,0.7205349593495938,2771,93,626,33,66,898,279,738,0.17800000000000002,0.742,0.08,-0.9979,1,1,2,0,1,1,57.0,1,1,2,4,43,23,5,1,30,2,36,13,13,3,7,110,100,69,1,10,26,0,8,2,1,2,0,10,5,0,37,51,0,7,11,1,1,19,14,12,0,4,31,24,135,11,96,59,7,114,1,4,6,0,70,52,2,13,37,441,172,0,0.0,0.06941765668228847,0.1143476260517194,0.0,0.0,0.057251892488528175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060679898315081665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039842111398399084,0.06143503088519694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054772231835216977,0.1333054937927959,0.11009143406716176,0.31535596543143346,0.0,0.14285974464711612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05973476399390925,0.0,0.0,0.1514061196870154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217829532955174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590404819926983,0.20756767931788525,0.060537464153167686,0.0,0.116091228703474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146213670068711,0.0,0.0,0.029624048224460593,0.041855554493713774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04983525099787098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918300402400248,0.11240663650578596,0.06659425959498387,0.0,0.14057545273036734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05180951603677048,0.0,0.20993474283810887,0.0,0.24051434615931935,0.0,0.06603336882610236,0.0,0.039270559985000834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05769775824236935,0.0676031309402072,0.1254401574205622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05207604923752464,0.06481936825231155,0.0,0.06439728919047265,0.0,0.0,0.1861099230754238,0.0,0.05991059392454875,0.0,0.057246651737672995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475984645300731,0.0,0.06395614401547882,0.04980975043295597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879885470047814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062153018645913015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05621713627456689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03970100647056081,0.0445591074645283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344551238195614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03753322015944433,0.0,0.0,0.0629020002153418,0.2654768797730321,0.0,0.05573097146344176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04668735798713094,0.05333666597035069,0.0,0.06618819938822056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020840345574888,0.0,0.0,0.2488149659636939,0.06244742378776867,0.0,0.09796502781982716,0.0,0.0,0.06706968454712815,0.0,0.0,0.05521886021407396,0.0,0.044051174677217836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03892352015218487,0.0,0.0,0.09302526781505943,0.1024900766765494,0.0,0.05553493914068602,0.1119674266882727,0.1952815569781292,0.11933300426591338,0.0,0.0,0.06099257580693351,0.07047461427204163,0.0,0.0,0.09668310824885198,0.10367084368257733,0.046504733551690144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543120205717726,0.10573381061653744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RandomlyRachelanne,2020/02/28,"Crisis of reality So with my diagnosis I have begun to think about my life. I know that just because I feel a certain way, that doesn't make it true. I have always been worried that people don't like me and are talking behind my back but I know that at least some of it is my paranoia. I have accepted this. My issue comes when I think of my mother. I had always felt that she was harder on me than my sisters and she was mean to me. How do I know if she really was or if she only is now due to my mental health issues and my life being slightly disappointing? How do I trust myself? I keep going in circles but get nowhere. Advice much appreciated!",1.1763859275053292,3.3548865746268675,3.5533049040511737,86.63492537313435,82.50746268656717,5.619616204690832,20.01918976545842,6.868970318607317,0.4089249466950964,507,14,104,6,14,175,84,134,0.131,0.805,0.063,-0.8067,0,0,0,1,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,1,0,16,3,0,3,2,27,29,12,0,2,6,2,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,9,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,6,2,28,5,13,22,3,11,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,4,6,84,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187920580051304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32003034906368544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787253154591856,0.0,0.1172288151236509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565580978015826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723640710958008,0.0,0.18464527602908776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047268703241474,0.0,0.10929273555179037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20441378922261147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4014379560136012,0.0,0.17093166625813802,0.0,0.0,0.3170613776871228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716648285454785,0.09395168904411406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128366692664485,0.0,0.0,0.20947915155778,0.0,0.0,0.193800642922566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136807704606522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462584546524885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332174765434435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319705422784705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545694155335347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24644565272988805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264467468767187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19529751454423072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,H3lloCait,2020/02/28,"Suspected BPD & Pregnancy Forgive Me if this is the wrong place.. but I’m 15 weeks pregnant Ive been referred to the ‘enhanced midwife team’ here in the UK, they’ve already been really helpful and my main MH midwife has referred me to the perinatal mental health team but she’s put ‘suspected BPD - strong indicators’ on my referral.. now, I’ve thought about BPD for a while as my dad, aunt & nan have it also, I know there isn’t a specific gene for BPD but if family members have it, you’re more likely to end up with it or so I’ve been told, then there’s all the other factors which I fit into the criteria with, every symptom fits me. How can I be a good mum with BPD? I’m honestly 99.9% sure I have it but obviously they want me officially diagnosed by a psychiatrist which is fine I’m happy to do that so I can get help. It all makes sense to me and my partner & family. My GP took me off my antidepressants as he wasn’t sure of the risk to the baby, but my midwife is pissed about that as she should of been consulted first. I have no medication and I’m a bit panicky, not sure where to go from here. I feel like a bad mum already and I don’t feel like I deserve my baby, I just need advice as to where to go from here.",1.704277047522751,3.4400856124031023,3.8320694304010807,87.56795247724978,78.53488372093022,7.432692955847656,24.395685877991237,8.321376580360154,1.4477958881024602,960,34,212,19,23,329,140,258,0.08199999999999999,0.741,0.177,0.9787,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,1,4,15,16,1,1,14,0,21,5,1,2,6,38,37,22,0,5,10,4,2,3,1,1,4,0,0,1,11,8,0,0,9,2,0,4,5,4,0,1,8,2,28,12,30,27,5,20,0,0,0,0,16,10,1,3,9,137,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932089485460878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243233224577406,0.08128103197185049,0.0,0.3303789069782945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486469581879663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096395573429993,0.0,0.6400566502460406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316190292674184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002238509791495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563562085500201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916332568064496,0.0,0.10278392035543872,0.14522248772071514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645446480925274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05310241795646925,0.0,0.11552808418480197,0.08525034896292234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819708520596866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803798317708672,0.0,0.0,0.1362535626200798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05585838398172046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896770475723006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784512255912828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023910535278826,0.10242866041182268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536436479593063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619159308585248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217572091840944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511283471997045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873819381819899,0.10564230628681094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069037058759823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712085076904099,0.11292516948416705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994958138690371,0.0,0.08152903652266973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112678366894613,0.0,0.0 bpd,toxthefox_,2020/02/28,"Waking up a different person (So I'll start this post off by saying I have undiagnosed bpd, just feel like i dont belong without having a diagnosis) Anyways this is personal stuff but I'm curious to see if it happens to anyone else Everyday I wake up I'm a different person than the day previously like I'll wake up one day and be super happy and ready to take on the world then I'll wake up the next day and want to lay in bed or at my pc So an example of this was I recently went to a shop to buy food, and even tho it was only me and the lady serving me in the shop I was very shy and like anxious I guess didnt speak much and was very disturbed Fast forward 2 days later walk into the same shop and see the same lady and I'm bursting with confidence and I'm like ""hey! How are you, you have a good day! Etc Idk looking back on these 2 scenarios its almost like a movie or an alternate universe kind of thing I guess what I'm getting at, does anyone else have this where you wake up as a different person",2.2147467320261427,3.4572426805555594,4.3884422657952085,86.23019607843138,75.89814814814815,7.674945533769064,24.279956427015254,8.313332769828598,1.3705809368191724,793,25,174,14,17,275,122,216,0.048,0.768,0.184,0.9859,3,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,1,9,10,0,1,16,0,13,6,5,1,0,26,30,20,0,2,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,1,4,11,12,1,0,1,3,4,3,3,1,0,1,6,6,13,9,26,23,4,32,0,0,3,0,10,16,0,6,19,108,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002899124354996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241331728384161,0.0,0.153661362252337,0.2251701788040065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449097082120073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383900680256853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543176889544663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444037754765425,0.0,0.0,0.09615676637607927,0.0,0.12877859242477122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18358135338588286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254529377721085,0.07257473230813356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055558651427447515,0.07849832490141109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132867384536681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05740778750208456,0.0,0.0,0.09216216711174788,0.0,0.0,0.2420905114006741,0.0,0.09716655942164353,0.11696934932305622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442315631901365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26840919454887985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227156239100992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077447479851459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685867263054807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744575610701123,0.08356872432768192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3837720622175354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523470784920998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849328674927408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738102070843598,0.0,0.0,0.17512033661447335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777366020992107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578636102900842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826161178349794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299941831308722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813250866127346,0.06481009644268032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018599009967827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592044068000978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SpaceBubz,2020/02/28,"What BPD is for me: I dont want to be like this Living with BPD is a constant and horrific struggle. It clouds judgement, which clouds logic, which turns into multiple bad choices, hurtful words, and abuse towards others. I am responsible for those choices, and despite what others may think, I take full responsibility for it. BPD is a fucking torturous mental illness. The anger, sadness, and any other emotion I feel fluctuates so much that half the time, if not all, I am unaware of where I am at or why I am doing something. Then, regret hits and I look like a crazy person, which in all honesty, I probably am. People without BPD have no way of knowing what goes on in my head. The constant conflicting views of myself, situations, the regret for how I treat people when I have outbursts of anger I can't take back or words said out of that anger. I hate it. In the past 2 months, I've done stupid, terrible and awful actions that I can't take back. And the identity issues. Latching on to someone we love and respect and wanting to be like them because I don't have a deeply instilled identity. Then being called a copycat when I actually just feel most comfortable in that aesthetic or they taught me something new that I identify with. Being shamed for it. I lost people, one of them being the most important person I've known. And yes, it is my fault for how I acted. Yes, I am at fault and don't blame them for leaving. It still hurts. It always hurts. I try to remain lucid. At this point lucidity and volatility are blended together so much that right is wrong and wrong is right. If you wanna know what it truly is, this is it. It is a constant blurred visions of logic and emotion, twisted thought processes, unintentional but nonetheless painful abuse towards everyone around, consistent regret for feelings, words and actions, and an ever-present storm of doubt, suicide, self hatred and confusion. And to be clear, as stated, I'm still responsible for what I do in those moments. I am still the culprit for causing pain to others and myself. That's the worst part. I don't want to be that way. I've hurt a lot of people because of it. I lost one of the greatest loves I've ever had because I DIDN'T DEAL WITH IT. And it sucks. My advice is to anyone, including myself. Get help. Learn. Try to understand. That's all people with BPD want is to be understood and never finding it. It takes a strong person to love a person with BPD. Please try and understand..we are not bad people. My choices in regards to myself say otherwise. And the only thing I can do specifically is be aware and be made aware. Thank you to whoever reads this. I hope peace finds you.",3.66772549019608,5.845821301960787,4.6327450980392175,82.03401960784316,74.21568627450979,7.2,28.0,8.094773233980128,2.0223058823529416,2104,85,382,34,45,683,235,510,0.20199999999999999,0.665,0.133,-0.9885,0,0,2,0,2,1,76.0,1,3,4,3,15,44,8,4,21,3,48,8,1,4,6,88,83,39,1,11,10,0,3,3,0,1,3,2,0,5,43,33,0,1,15,1,0,3,12,32,0,3,10,7,46,12,58,61,12,46,0,10,2,4,21,21,2,13,22,281,89,3,0.0,0.14918997778986426,0.06143797056222281,0.0,0.0,0.061521873374980315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05238613728701659,0.0,0.0,0.04281362983652145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04402172923346245,0.0,0.0,0.05604600834061894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682170158182904,0.10513467640043027,0.11513592047183845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4757607258399413,0.0,0.06428720354665733,0.0,0.0,0.06467525527973192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041058426622286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490698039129272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442793907261155,0.07378636039266895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163865444365892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389831307032483,0.0,0.06015911044528854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550043838732997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150850259394996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058203698535818124,0.03289298025562025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215803564784881,0.06461311803904451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042199450773542466,0.0,0.0,0.06253154476845485,0.0,0.0,0.269591559179001,0.0,0.0,0.06571184244705165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920019057993758,0.0,0.0,0.0666634797185543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227436263488804,0.0,0.05559310758649853,0.0,0.05286890179790527,0.0,0.1374522875190792,0.05352467884951948,0.1704662822229673,0.059572424876595226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634469019338744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05025251123179392,0.0,0.09256281491806874,0.0,0.04855712589953905,0.06080527262217932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853240019421376,0.04788243057090468,0.1339835984844786,0.0,0.0,0.06817742801699647,0.060100578243396076,0.2618830893907111,0.21989014756441685,0.0,0.06910902796942457,0.05951570279886467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787942137619113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297508280174294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753165365272917,0.05988751848029345,0.05006676470111589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656789720548356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707674809363199,0.0,0.0,0.053344147612115485,0.0969363584946254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083512929297235,0.0,0.0,0.06581741877253047,0.0,0.06886588322953474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893464598435045,0.0,0.0,0.05796330957987233,0.0,0.0,0.04182652789322271,0.04034097339664245,0.0,0.04998165561372908,0.036711342603216894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823314057914462,0.06848027460318068,0.0,0.1310830913182453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853714559729514,0.09994633206151438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05680984353057141,0.0,0.0,0.06068930916084595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376694787830436,0.0,0.0 bpd,mister_patience,2020/02/28,"What would you recommend to someone who has recently been diagnosed and is feeling lost? Thoughts, comments, links, books, treatment... all welcome.",7.49939393939394,11.70194954545455,4.9700000000000015,72.49166666666669,76.27272727272728,8.387878787878789,48.24242424242424,8.841846274778883,6.2147696969696975,118,9,14,3,3,33,22,22,0.084,0.659,0.256,0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,6,7,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,1,1,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,10,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44066297846608504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21952420029714054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4739366227973518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4286803476924664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678621232372023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446743228642594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084146095963813,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,velvetferns,2020/02/28,"Venting.. I'm not sure what to do. I feel so sad and tormented all the time. I'm trying so fucking hard to fix myself and build opportunities and relationships around me but every time I just spend hours beating myself up for tiny probably unnoticed notions, doing the wrong thing and all I can hear in my head is that everyone hates me. I feel sick to my stomach with myself, I just want to do the right thing, I just want to be happy, but all I can fucking think about all day is hurting myself. I want to isolate myself. It went away for a while but the my head is shouting at me telling me my closest established friends hate me again, giving consistent reasons for me to cut the whole thing and I'm believing it. I'm being overpowered by my head again and I'm gonna lose myself and everyone I've been trying to build around me. I almost started to get myself back again. I'm so fucking tired of being sad , I'm gonna fuck everything up, I can't resist it, I'm so scared. Nothing scares me like my head does. I don't know why I'm fucking writing here like the world gives a shit anyway, I'm so scared, I'm in so much fucking pain and torment yet no one can feel it but me and it hurts so bad. I'm losing my connection with reality again. I'm just sinking. I don't know what's true or not anymore the line is very thin. I want to scream. I want to cease to exist. I don't give a fuck anymore. And you know what I feel so fucking pathetic . I'm so angry I'm so tired, I'm so angry I was raised in such a neglectful and demeaning way that's fucked my ability to function normally forever. All I can do is fight it.",1.4203235294117642,3.3083089588235315,3.442573529411767,89.30533088235296,80.0,6.602941176470589,23.860294117647058,7.645422480735847,1.1115000000000004,1266,45,275,20,32,429,151,340,0.341,0.594,0.066,-0.9991,1,0,0,0,1,1,33.0,0,1,0,4,27,35,14,3,11,0,22,19,6,1,7,51,71,28,0,6,11,0,6,2,1,2,4,3,0,0,14,15,0,1,9,0,1,1,7,28,0,1,3,9,43,7,30,63,7,27,0,7,0,9,10,13,10,2,14,172,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344332777599989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454748941495274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058325305292806,0.0,0.0,0.06890901441694798,0.056396936789126925,0.06123909828510135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826334665747574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04730075205200629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641837467654928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06179540445702743,0.14016649133998624,0.06591677384943685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833953129849314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056665320163978884,0.6102473367500867,0.03831916394723564,0.21107447462658516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807595221029749,0.06570173394246195,0.14482384631116313,0.30108803082471525,0.0,0.08266391301000954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222897382049716,0.0,0.15703233751836604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092367858151885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166425586765922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410614128238096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05391621027798263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186145590744125,0.07037545630771579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04969972914656119,0.0,0.07804308756258235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907713609846362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540975121187214,0.0,0.07874390730616812,0.0,0.06263529533983525,0.0,0.0,0.22029013582814055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528646596161861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05191319446429366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069125763812973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410580697609984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461792972751538,0.046995813737883634,0.0,0.0,0.08553484330112901,0.16859606221449966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959139607974693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051640399316713,0.2163006814130437,0.05821697903970916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799053605407065,0.06618146763070558,0.0818858522579279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019004795280824,0.0,0.0 bpd,ClassyJacket,2020/02/28,"The biggest thing I can do to stop being emotional and crazy is quit drinking I just need to get this off my chest. I've taken massive strides in improving myself lately, yesterday I got a DBT workbook. I've been proud of the steps that I've taken. And yet every week, I go out, and get trashed, and act like a dumb teenager. 90% of my regrets or social fuckups in the last six months were when I was drunk. It makes every irrational, BPD, stupid part of me come out and overtake me. And yet I've kept doing it. This right here is my commitment to quit drinking. Not cut down (that's impossible), not go easier - *quit* drinking. It's the best thing I can do for my health, physical *and* mental.",1.5321739130434793,3.9060846811594234,2.9617681159420286,90.21439130434786,82.6231884057971,5.998840579710145,22.96811594202899,7.3011,0.9641820289855074,538,19,110,8,15,175,87,138,0.141,0.7340000000000001,0.125,-0.3222,0,0,3,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,6,5,7,3,0,6,0,11,6,1,1,1,20,22,9,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,10,4,2,0,4,0,5,2,4,0,1,7,0,13,3,13,14,2,22,0,1,0,0,1,8,1,1,10,70,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631424672732957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957925735109675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391238844448675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4568658534624492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486813321882522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619583529827412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624396694785602,0.0,0.1766995226644316,0.0,0.12433311593152835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524345739588128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671815440842146,0.17536219919761747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594840829903682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376871438576928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666403134474566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408424611457138,0.0,0.0,0.11526935099215382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683447165157216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4960427727986926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275937709268354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846877285956584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996896248152826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065573661495745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246981800009968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Stellar404,2020/02/28,"Quetiapine/Seroquel - Side effects (Sedation) Hi all, I have been taking Queriapine/Seroquel for nearly 8 weeks now and had my dosage increased over time and I am now on 175mg a day. I am finding it very hard to wake up some days, and have been late for work a number of times since being on these days (up to 45 minutes late some times). Does anyone else have a hard time waking up in the morning?",4.952278481012655,5.399416379746839,5.508708860759494,83.7093924050633,68.74683544303798,7.838987341772152,28.458227848101266,7.554174236665415,1.5356207594936708,310,10,63,3,5,100,56,79,0.047,0.905,0.047,0.0036,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,0,9,2,2,1,1,8,10,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,4,0,13,6,4,22,0,0,0,0,1,9,0,2,12,40,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148147595149402,0.20732218412288705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914794625340856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706990267690126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902987487222074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849359352001506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625154410945076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4564987423066147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673784999890429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15213519023058986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4719464706275978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695244988700478,0.0,0.0,0.16230568103856302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730659965659826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thanatos-mind,2020/02/28,"Scolded by my bf So I got yelled at by my bf yesterday night about the things he doesn't like about me. I guess he just exploded after he's been holding it in for a while. What saddens me is that all the traits he complained about is due to my bpd. He hates that everything is black or white with me He hates that I refuse to accept opinions that aren't like mine He hates that as fast as he doesn't agree with me, I think he's against me He hates that I twist and turn his words to sound like he's insulting me or hating on me He hates that I'm careless and put me in dangerous situations (hence I got raped about a month ago) I do agree on all this. I know that I do these things. But I really am trying my best to not act out. Only 2 years ago I was a hundred times worse. I'm really working on it. I don't blame him for getting mad at me, it's not that. It's just that I was on the floor crying my eyes out while he kept yelling at me everything he had to say. I believe he could have done it in an another way. We ended up hugging of course but while I said that I was sorry, he didn't. I did expect him to apologise but he didn't. He said that he would never be the bf that will just agree with me and only tell me what I want to hear but he's not like that and he doesn't believe that it would be any help for me either. He said that he know he's saying things I don't want to hear but that I need to hear them anyways. Once again I do agree. It's the first time I'm with a guy like this and I think it's what I need. But still I'm very hurt. Very very hurt. I feel completely depressed and don't know what to do. Should I talk to him when he gets home? But what should I say?",0.22208033345964395,1.7589074111405836,2.038443349753696,99.63303448275863,82.315649867374,5.581780977643047,17.667980295566498,6.474141703775902,-0.4953434028040924,1302,26,338,12,35,429,154,377,0.18100000000000002,0.7709999999999999,0.047,-0.991,0,0,0,0,1,0,27.0,1,0,1,3,12,23,10,0,10,0,33,3,1,0,3,55,66,22,0,10,16,0,1,5,3,5,0,12,1,1,36,13,0,3,7,0,0,2,13,15,0,1,15,16,51,8,42,43,4,37,0,3,3,2,50,14,0,4,25,207,87,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504437119494505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057706625322841314,0.08898143658952007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19121272688533628,0.08905366070634772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068761904958783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897242315016904,0.0,0.0,0.06775253140610407,0.0,0.09321297325546808,0.0,0.0,0.07308841988750743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683961053016191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515935952637649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15253052543586634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04290695928086331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218051594824487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867002842835417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357380368923931,0.0,0.0934811001353828,0.08402316237546012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5026806399219792,0.0,0.0,0.2869247692886571,0.0,0.0568788001371751,0.0,0.08511989915253898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816853552845966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139907880457005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20728765161187074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773316927945439,0.0,0.0,0.12584286415014204,0.06544803329542677,0.0,0.0,0.0796338646322114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037143185274868,0.0,0.1290772817466233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530613507985481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872493434109506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24215932662002596,0.20244842888347545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538440265464132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499203694437447,0.0,0.0,0.06776803185393482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820597156464449,0.07416998626092706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912846092979264,0.10874767899137312,0.0,0.0,0.09896323674453587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576132867471375,0.09230157694221117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100512136634051,0.10010337175610834,0.06735665206020637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06177792950316019,0.0,0.08647796435756537,0.12056195241949055,0.0,0.0,0.054646030631828116 bpd,samantha2499,2020/02/28,"BPD + Depression + Anxiety :( This is the WORST combination ever.... Bpd makes me feel like a bad person Depression makes me exhausted/ worthless And anxiety makes me feel like I want to die? 21/F My depression has made me stay in bed for days. I haven’t shown up to work for the past 2 weeks. I’m in college and it’s so hard for me to get up and go to class/work. I have no motivation. Sometimes I sleep for 12+. I just want to dream and be anywhere else. Nothing feels like home to me. I never feel safe. Only in that dreamlike darkness when I’m sleeping. It’s hard for me to fall asleep most of the time so when I do I sleep for long. I don’t belong anywhere and I don’t have friends. I feel weird or awkward with everyone. Everything bores me. If I’m into something it eventually fades away and that high it gave me is no longer there. The boredom kills me. I feel empty, I dye my hair every week, I want to get a tat or piercing. I seek the thrill and I want to change and be reckless bc I feel so empty inside. I have a BF but I’m so scared he’ll leave me I push him away. He’s good at helping me but I take it too far sometimes I feel toxic. I get jealous over anything, I think the worse. I always think he’s cheating or leaving me. My anxiety drives me INSANE. If my chest starts to slightly hurt I swear I’m having a heart attack. If I have a fever I have an infection or virus. Recently I’ve been convinced I’m going into sepsis shock and I have an infection in my blood because I feel “nauseous”. I know it’s not normal and that I’m being delusional but it’s like I can’t listen to myself. There’s another voice in my head. My mind convinced me I’m dying and I’m sick and it’s a feeling I can’t describe. Like you’re going to sleep and you know you won’t wake up again. I cry, shake, and beg god not to take me out like this. I’m as not suicidal but I don’t feel alive I’m just eh. I’m stuck in limbo.. The only thing that makes me feel alive are drugs... and the highs I get from being impulsive, sex, etc :(",-1.0507746374667055,1.043315383027526,1.5236815625924829,96.66377182598404,95.8577981651376,4.556022491861498,17.812074578277592,6.291566192602671,-0.18033030482391246,1561,47,363,19,62,531,200,436,0.217,0.6559999999999999,0.127,-0.9892,0,0,2,0,0,1,58.0,0,2,0,2,14,30,4,3,16,0,24,18,11,6,2,67,75,33,4,8,16,0,15,6,2,2,6,2,2,1,15,19,0,1,17,1,0,7,13,18,0,0,4,17,63,12,39,65,3,41,0,5,0,1,12,19,0,8,20,205,78,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270676884742807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790230579750448,0.17295392373433682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062016057446729424,0.0,0.0,0.0857345362458209,0.14160913816585052,0.0,0.06292366828623629,0.045939644372626764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18983023249373854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972242835236844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278102120977325,0.04860190491299343,0.0,0.194726136038418,0.0,0.15642658751268246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739536380394218,0.0,0.06295482669372138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404794484393142,0.0,0.06816875188450837,0.06349527737272047,0.07201110118295652,0.06773001772316926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4572602008788722,0.16151471863903766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05822407431167295,0.0,0.15749300226442872,0.0,0.1284889572192178,0.06320961417080441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501812496255589,0.0,0.07734259609918061,0.0,0.0,0.08930368874540291,0.050513195707612896,0.15924703274257904,0.07559368541767587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067599779324224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337628583405529,0.0,0.0828333711859602,0.0,0.0,0.1595938020920901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22090680580580774,0.0,0.0,0.06669251747217869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130883225748469,0.20121742948869825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609358787892498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058123401101239376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383822656947774,0.07231134997421354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463156709616372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194103750878082,0.0,0.06580271694591096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441034657126565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544996481957324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016635263732721,0.0,0.0,0.05801693100342799,0.14906881483448456,0.0,0.05334122675912759,0.0803252854156552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243320169778336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332487280397505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05006680301547748,0.09657715666279727,0.0,0.0,0.043943871297210564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780055825064262,0.0,0.12090082926362528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109728075693519,0.0,0.0767997624326578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheFckingDevonshire,2020/02/28,"Relapse triggered by partner I'm depressed and just need to get it off my chest. I've been stable enough to finish school and hold a professional job for quite a while. I still seek therapy to help with progress. Today I was triggered by my partner. We had an argument that just blew up in my face and said he needed time. He went for a whole day and a half without a single word. Even my therapist said, that's not healthy, at least a check in is nice. We made plans to meet and talk after work so I texted him about finding a place. He just went ""I think we need more space, you need time to relax, you're too anxious to talk"". That triggered my fear of abandonment like crazy. Not only am I still fairly unsure why this argument got out of control but now I feel like my anxiety about this situation is being weaponized against me with assumptions that I couldn't possibly relax myself for a conversation. Needless to say, i saw this at work and had a series of the worst panic attacks in a while. They just kept coming and I was having almost every physical symptom you can think of. I had to go to my boss and tell them I'm having panic attacks and need to go. Which I just ran out after. Now that it's been about 12 hours since the episodes, I'm exhausted in so many ways, seriously depressed and want nothing more than to just sleep but can't. I feel upset about this. I've done so much work and reduced so many of the problems BPD was causing when I was younger. It just seems to never go away and will creep back into your life. At the same time I'm wondering if my own self doubt and my ease to take responsibility for issues is being used against me like gaslighting. It really trips up my perception of reality. Alright well thanks for letting me vent.",3.543669108669107,5.1908440170940136,4.3262789987789985,86.37278846153849,73.21652421652422,7.179527879527879,26.210927960927965,7.83500028581142,1.4149030525030517,1394,48,282,19,28,447,191,351,0.152,0.748,0.1,-0.9672,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,3,3,2,7,24,24,3,5,15,1,23,6,3,8,1,67,56,23,0,9,13,0,2,3,2,1,3,3,0,3,14,22,0,4,8,2,1,8,6,15,1,1,19,6,36,9,52,32,10,43,0,3,1,0,24,16,0,5,21,192,50,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597825132111633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332370558557698,0.10828132408849554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180826115466673,0.09005265562274174,0.07370144486640184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207176088701462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846263148331633,0.0,0.08256484421868591,0.0,0.0,0.10750204562287516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181423970835943,0.0,0.16510804219312808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808611337826638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903694066394912,0.0,0.06330691409879773,0.0,0.08075634695579212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785601202907807,0.09692758516639494,0.06847406188608439,0.0,0.0,0.08760363178558618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05007679334683812,0.0,0.1634184342289535,0.0,0.0766586606911729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424511124605925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439129206064394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004074818057072,0.09511467202694668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801140531151592,0.06770050588120105,0.14047994900337304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069400177582186,0.0,0.19435031328943972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045954666059412,0.3553515891399977,0.0739241364051269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919690520143813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728969695664417,0.0,0.22491471330475088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014109840517953,0.0,0.0,0.10805458394369973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171390156162644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194649088025988,0.0,0.0,0.061402890752954034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823474105226561,0.07622243439173197,0.0,0.09700362108366603,0.0,0.08725671444633998,0.09999070577561256,0.0,0.0,0.07928672416204327,0.10773753217204712,0.0959175446100738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530891908719072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962310840430423,0.07206601124960728,0.1540785044778818,0.08377565994641256,0.08824425919977599,0.10961091186885256,0.11128729178520501,0.0,0.12283147179093246,0.0,0.0,0.1676697857177734,0.0,0.09085300399330244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278217771252029,0.0,0.0,0.05653382489668154,0.0760799382957058,0.0,0.0,0.08617915428390709,0.1777047134018206,0.08648820424414255,0.10701123091298004,0.0,0.09239436407379877,0.10394341886710504,0.20933616447128786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ValkyrUK,2020/02/28,"Anyone have some useful emotion regulation tips? Hi, so ive been sick for a little over a year now and im finding it hard to keep my emotions in check, constantly feeling shit really wears me out and i freak out at the simplest things Sooo... Anyone got some sweet ideas?",1.3734501347708878,4.032727207547172,2.7251212938005414,89.01037735849056,88.24528301886794,5.292722371967655,20.77897574123989,6.868970318607317,0.6696221024258762,214,7,41,3,7,69,46,53,0.196,0.6809999999999999,0.12300000000000001,-0.6623,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,3,0,3,3,2,1,0,11,7,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,4,1,7,5,2,9,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,2,3,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294369487341136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545712734607821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5299769790421572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911304399334875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21530991882115724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18840965464482928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110275920929046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26593381677570904,0.2544598135915,0.0,0.0,0.20938855813458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23610654270754924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509144216276451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418128209976655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650457132442144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034598748913284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15170161577061214 bpd,T-rae26,2020/02/28,"Think i fucked up my employment .. So i thought i was doing this BPD pretty well, long term (happy) relationship, not too many social issues, employed for 8 years under the same company with little to no complaints. (None that had been brought to my attention previously) Well this week I decided to lose my shit at a fellow employee, completely ignoring the customer in the room. (Our dept has been under stress for a while now). Well, the customer decided to complain (probably dont blame them, i cant remember what i said as i disassociate when angry) Just got called into the operations managers office and got a letter about a meeting we have to have next week to discuss these allegations. I dont remember what I said or did so I cant really say much in this meeting because i simply cannot remember. Its all a blur. I had previously tried to give my operations manager a document explaining BPD but he gave it back and told me, 'You dont have a disorder.' (At the time he meant it as a good thing, in the sense of im only human i will get emotional at times) I'm hoping his actions will be my saving grace and get me away with probabtion and warning but im pretty sure im getting fired as he kept mentioning how serious the allegations are and wouldnt tell me exactly what the complaint was until the meeting. I cannot afford to lose this job but pretty sure its going to happen. So Yay for life, hey.",4.912752593161733,6.0317355729927025,6.528371110257398,73.94288705339993,69.18248175182482,10.147983096427199,31.20937379946216,10.307518312809881,3.3857255474452552,1113,46,205,30,19,383,161,274,0.11,0.746,0.14300000000000002,0.9097,5,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,2,1,1,2,13,19,2,1,18,1,24,3,1,1,4,37,45,19,0,2,6,0,1,0,1,3,1,3,1,1,14,9,0,2,10,0,0,3,11,8,3,0,17,4,27,11,31,24,5,29,0,2,0,1,29,13,2,3,13,142,41,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991594210263715,0.0735895549516092,0.0,0.058339545839012526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410686826473933,0.0,0.09772327114254907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034257743114848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968371371416033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364889482885069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076527821156345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884757074459912,0.15000230765397604,0.09180685768740662,0.05439011346203032,0.08027097801351761,0.1530845625530338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462968047969956,0.10187742282993324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505448623123218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101263785373407,0.09988887122876866,0.09497027360208653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759772629732454,0.0,0.09591935953183997,0.0,0.08469397691954407,0.0,0.21413393331895655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702763009328456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035257843647758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178102615622917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278630096654902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920924963834063,0.10318381783912232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061309671899146975,0.0,0.0,0.10274900417869642,0.3252378891263013,0.0,0.18207057963741327,0.07610671723442469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823756110567927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755696456961024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096272476593892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18039753519618368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364847585293796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358069570243928,0.06132249754079449,0.0,0.07597734252274728,0.11161015845455034,0.0,0.0,0.09144813800265494,0.0,0.06497592716712045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353404596668188,0.0,0.25814496397002873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162947310903611 bpd,invalidhuman-,2020/02/28,Appointment So I haven’t been diagnosed and who knows if I will be despite literally meeting every single sign but I’m just looking for advice from anyone. I have a psychiatrist appointment Monday and I’ve been freaking out since I made it 3 weeks ago after being referred by my doctor. I’m afraid of being met with judgement and my struggles being minimized (as they were with my doctor). I’m afraid of being seen as a terrible person or not being able to clearly explain things or given the time to. I’ve been debating cancelling it this entire week. I don’t know what to expect...I don’t know what in the world could happen that would take an hour and a half. I’ve already filled out a bunch of paperwork. This is my first appointment and so I’m wondering what to expect.,3.6589827935222665,5.690990940789478,4.962105263157898,80.31204453441299,73.80263157894737,7.571659919028341,26.16599190283401,8.384062270229773,1.9695591093117404,621,22,111,11,13,206,94,152,0.09300000000000001,0.882,0.025,-0.8674,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,3,5,0,3,7,0,18,3,0,1,1,27,34,13,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,10,9,0,0,6,0,0,1,4,5,0,2,8,2,10,0,18,17,2,13,0,0,2,0,6,4,0,4,8,80,20,2,0.1963040624452438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19182605788365167,0.1740117070483432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21662641431806853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726036475850914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673282045558726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992444912138703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018510520561127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539463913490704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697613523394758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17359103411620708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19331995906642588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236507367754814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16484597201252435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857476503193512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140513552652378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623847490049141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052196282492676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759622461682007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304156964111641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446647744727435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149265560301238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128833819511976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944877372239892,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fireboats,2020/02/28,"I’m so happy I’m working... But I hate the evening, cringing over every oversight, when I was joking (for some reason?) and accidentally insulted my boss through ambiguous words 😭 Sometimes I speak sharply or waste time and I obsess over my poor choices and can’t get over it. I like working but I’m so awkward and terrible. I can’t handle the nightly rumination of it",2.444542253521128,5.1301551971830985,4.158573943661973,81.05504401408452,81.53521126760563,6.366901408450705,31.41021126760563,7.645422480735847,2.4994633802816906,293,16,52,5,8,98,48,71,0.26,0.6609999999999999,0.079,-0.9037,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,4,8,2,2,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,12,8,10,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,8,3,6,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,4,33,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21845065325152532,0.0,0.2786627179326476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279800121494432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520788841705977,0.0,0.3265372804752257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16158285955220075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103770886593589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400558086149937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271103207954712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19285715597840986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4815653237765388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,softservecon,2020/02/28,"Always making myself steer the positive or negative side For example if I hate the job I will always make a list as to why I dislike it and why I shouldnt continue. Or I can write a pros and cons list but then turn that con into a positive to every con that is listed. I don't know how I can continue to function like this. And I don't know if I am explaining this the best I can. Can anyone else explain what I mean in their own words Does anyone else feel feel the way I do?",1.3030960086299892,2.8498664077669886,3.6519741100323637,89.26354908306368,79.09708737864078,7.2962243797195265,21.153182308522112,8.167268648758528,0.9459868392664506,372,10,84,7,9,129,63,103,0.065,0.774,0.161,0.9144,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,1,3,1,0,7,0,11,0,0,3,0,22,22,11,0,3,5,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,14,2,7,20,2,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,4,4,58,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32169661490312185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703318475076135,0.3961351737839417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20286553353292305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691657286111827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229691947365187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287090029178528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19548535383604496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908523007469036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918290369482296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21247479021262092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444085668233833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258070090022972,0.0,0.0,0.210569822974838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21026433392846608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534394324590773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34886203303808505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Bluemonkeys77,2020/02/28,"Hello the woman I love has bpd is there anything I need to understand Back story I am deeply in love with this woman we have been involved for about a year and a half she has left me multiple times in times of rage and come back and we start like everything is amazing again this last time was the longest with about a 2 month gap where she entered in to a somewhat relationship with a different man but before going to far she again came back to me Writing this out sounds like a creepy stocker guy post but she has bpd and I understand that this relationship was going to be different than I ever had before but shes worth it we also are currently in a long distance relationship being about 20 hours away in different states my hope is that someone here could help me understand ways to better support her and keep our relationship strong while she fights the demons she has Thank you TLTR:asking for advice how to support my girlfriend with bpd and keep our relationship strong",7.032741779497094,7.332288898936174,6.704177949709866,77.4377272727273,64.2659574468085,9.815087040618957,31.452611218568663,9.573946990214177,2.7468021276595747,795,27,146,14,11,249,109,188,0.027999999999999997,0.754,0.218,0.9903,4,0,0,0,1,0,1.0,5,1,0,3,14,14,2,0,10,0,18,2,0,1,1,31,35,12,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,7,16,0,2,3,0,1,5,0,2,0,1,5,1,24,12,25,27,1,35,1,0,0,2,31,10,0,2,19,106,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397838151156217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690889055607003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791415436520324,0.0,0.08990804453636463,0.0,0.09035696762331337,0.2218515052620988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367095366289694,0.0,0.0,0.08505651430813847,0.0,0.0,0.3633766378397286,0.0,0.0,0.10999540049288986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284385290252011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678569303182071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014385058537274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699328004858367,0.0,0.0,0.08643339120348767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931377920741102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522561917359804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446221265406367,0.0,0.0,0.09552071561505923,0.09471026547375294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17096457811729535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839319622203551,0.0,0.0,0.10449139974146518,0.0,0.0,0.09396977887395724,0.0,0.0,0.08510938940809305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17359836891359154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676374943381027,0.0,0.0,0.07131048343388803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210640346240907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5162648706557827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148641094110833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807119316858616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182701938748671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854246014532663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823638675329367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003560219274192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633703274856819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06193175732951271 bpd,bored_pickle_9,2020/02/28,I’m having a mental breakdown I don’t know I just needed to throw this into the universe because I have no one to listen at the moment 😂,3.1830000000000003,3.5901692999999995,5.600000000000001,81.63000000000002,72.66666666666666,6.0,25.0,3.1291,0.6409999999999999,109,3,21,0,2,39,25,30,0.091,0.909,0.0,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,4,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711086528989021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345713839941371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6135103852246011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4514051076354986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4125273236743906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cptnkeegan,2020/02/28,"Diagnoshit I’ve have gathered a diagnosis of BPD, OCD, GAD, ADHD, and depression over the last 20 years. It has also been suggestion to me that I could also have ASD. Does anyone else have an experience with this diverse range of diagnosis that could all be covered under an ASD umbrella with a dissociative disorder? I’m not looking for a formal diagnosis or have a problem with the labels thrown at me, but want to be able to self-access resources that support the primary challenge instead of just treating the symptoms (which I feel has been my life experience).",12.251310679611654,9.024274495145633,11.866092233009713,55.852148058252446,56.47572815533982,14.960194174757286,48.08009708737865,13.023866798666859,6.295157281553397,455,23,72,12,4,152,72,103,0.06,0.8759999999999999,0.064,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,10,0,12,2,0,0,1,14,17,5,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,5,3,13,11,1,5,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,1,2,55,11,1,0.1988795535837881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390145752531772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180878142955034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906120804573102,0.2037756051448918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504818356299585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175782811201872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712946680806521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22793319852350225,0.0,0.17404083756683406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613834735233093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890847307985333,0.0,0.0,0.10055947795393212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211338027120795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047451026337995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700873591488327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19030087350928887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20747474840685345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256861605775451,0.0,0.20671200579457144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173043134952735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807191198566456 bpd,magicpeachy,2020/02/28,"sex is ruining my life not sure if I should even post this but I really need to get this out. every single time I hookup (or honestly even talk lmfao) with this guy, I end up getting so emotionally fucked over it it’s not even funny. and the thing is I’ve only slept with him twice... We have a lot of things in common, and I’m not even sure if I really like him that much, but at the same time I feel like I love him. ugh I realize how crazy this sounds. I’m so attached to him and the idea of him being mine. us, together. Wow. it’s like a fucking sick obsession. after we had sex, we were cuddling and I told him that I want to keep him in my life forever. I’m a literal clown and hate myself for saying that to him. we agreed prior to this hookup that this was just going to be casual so :~) lol. I left shortly after. now all I can do is think about him and I get this sinking feeling in my stomach how he must hate me and will never want to speak to me or see me again. I doubt he even likes me. I have no idea what’s real. I can’t get my mind of this. I feel like I’m obsessed and that I’ll never feel okay or better again. YEE HAW LOVE THAT FOR ME!",0.7164674302075902,2.0771025866141777,2.9891052254831787,94.19589119541875,80.22047244094489,6.350465282748747,18.23836793128132,7.1686216300943375,-0.032198425196850344,883,17,217,11,22,303,134,254,0.16699999999999998,0.64,0.193,0.8645,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,5,0,0,1,15,23,4,3,6,2,16,12,2,2,6,52,43,20,0,7,11,0,4,5,0,3,3,3,0,1,20,15,0,1,8,1,0,1,7,9,0,1,5,8,42,14,25,33,5,23,0,1,1,7,23,9,2,7,17,150,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263389511881144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053694272037872,0.10278295114662214,0.0,0.0,0.3832388268922674,0.0,0.09777436828825137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23470683770621506,0.16580760268186803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145666489625263,0.2425184902466533,0.0,0.06595202637607286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149044995599096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22914422537675425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26200524762869803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314765848477413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608510293558078,0.0,0.16393446323056382,0.2834728329669164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865877312306244,0.20947339463415446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717410795727748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530769313262067,0.08604717389559323,0.1790047720267119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825876130068705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114068134140914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208657542801128,0.14868500324139514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922850110607901,0.0,0.0,0.09247421276618102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21874532414319986,0.0,0.0,0.09327395932340952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419257115187526,0.07435805365768346,0.0,0.0,0.13533555357208113,0.0,0.0,0.11088761588637276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958991803742046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689472653381826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MezzoMadness13,2020/02/28,"Treatment Tomorrow I start an intensive outpatient treatment program at a local hospital because on Tuesday I was diagnosed with BPD. This program will take place in the mornings for about a month and I'll also receive individual therapy and I get a case manager to help me stay on track. I'm scared out of my fucking mind. I have no clue who I am because my likes and beliefs have always changed to meet the needs of others. What if I hate myself more than I already do? So many questions, judgments, UGH. I just want to get better. I'm scared of losing control and losing myself. But then again, have I ever found myself anyway?",4.273500000000002,6.330966016666667,5.315000000000001,78.33000000000001,72.16666666666666,7.466666666666668,32.0,8.238735603445708,2.69915,502,24,85,8,10,165,86,120,0.16899999999999998,0.753,0.078,-0.9073,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,4,7,9,2,2,6,0,7,2,0,1,1,17,18,9,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,2,0,15,2,15,15,1,16,1,2,0,1,5,7,1,2,8,62,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895430992512393,0.13735761882883074,0.1429193372393983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094084465657733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190909902319716,0.0,0.0,0.21632761115484234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817009045858888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926451405185731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433431879624356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553681208399644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18832763202818226,0.0,0.15879074981316685,0.17947660130791773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957893288106882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151281206968481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391399859414439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843143933369072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741392138007181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17343016308629206,0.0,0.13709839991663994,0.0,0.0,0.1273589845230002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945422212361153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19241220254187885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439264744444443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157368201349525,0.18307491784663693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914328079390044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964242577617592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130938977179936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SlytheringSavage,2020/02/28,"This hit me hard. “Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I’ve ever known.” ~Chuck Palahnuik, Invisible Monsters I struggle with having a clear concept of myself, I read this book years before I was diagnosed with BPD but this line stuck with me. It wasn’t till after my diagnosis I realized how true this can be about me.",2.3200000000000003,5.112238196969699,4.0759848484848495,80.53397727272728,83.6969696969697,6.936363636363637,26.431818181818183,8.07648339933343,2.243490909090909,275,12,48,6,8,92,50,66,0.083,0.8059999999999999,0.111,0.4215,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,2,0,7,1,0,2,3,11,9,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,11,1,9,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,37,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789834870459765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4129263796937707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33276953752050503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965668382125742,0.0,0.3132829046102638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936968722074777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31458913117652243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32794728366444803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427489531408671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21113016368510906 bpd,lilgoldenbuddy,2020/02/28,"Unreasonable Jealous, Fear, and Long Distance Friendships. I (26, F) moved to Florida last year to be with my fiance. All of my friends are back up north, or online, and this has made the whole of my social life nonexistent. to be fair, my best friend came to visit for Thanksgiving, and another close friend came in December, however, I have no one stable as a friendship down here. One lady at work is nice, but our schedules don't coincide. Today I found out my closest online friend and FP (Favorite Person), who has constantly talked about visiting me, booked a trip to see friends in Indiana. This person knows how I value our friendship and how difficult my move has been. I try my best to be understanding (travel to Florida is quite expensive), however, I feel completely uncared for and snapped at that friend group in our collective discord. They were all acting like I could buy a plane ticket and take vacation in less than 2 WEEKS like it was no big thing. I'm very pissed off. I have constantly supported this friend, been a shoulder to cry on, and have offered to pay for her plane tickets down here. I told her flat out how fucking inconsiderate this is. My new promotion requires me to be on site, and my birthday is coming up. My parents are coming up for my birthday in 2 weeks and now I don't even want to spend time with anyone. Sometimes I think friendship is not worth the disappointment.",6.75700095057034,7.327094802281373,6.703514733840303,76.2786941539924,64.8555133079848,10.377281368821293,34.308222433460074,10.270032843473604,3.5189773764258554,1115,47,202,25,16,354,156,263,0.113,0.679,0.20800000000000002,0.9826,3,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,3,0,1,6,9,19,3,1,6,0,24,4,2,4,2,36,41,16,0,2,3,1,1,2,7,0,1,0,0,2,8,19,0,1,5,4,5,11,5,6,0,2,9,2,30,13,39,27,6,46,0,1,1,1,24,22,2,1,15,138,38,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180686725230707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455551798435542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198896589542469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22379523645720267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24390393373289865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18369805935494896,0.11179554169435214,0.23045008436043996,0.0,0.08513234417505712,0.0,0.11712387354504028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704255992592769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998411846468213,0.05391341030653396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691012438377388,0.5766539615129329,0.0985742034332594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859897081668509,0.08691458393155913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531323813065678,0.10418435051223042,0.0,0.0,0.09436083136758447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089228823120726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266535517065182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029802480607816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450534479365051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839577636157415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18620376955637372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341008821592614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496727618779244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869198279862707,0.0,0.0,0.10545603788783592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209981477956521,0.0,0.0,0.08016963234945881,0.08570210035742433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083770916922333,0.06832176336438793,0.0,0.0,0.06217459448647592,0.0,0.10106916980266006,0.10188590313978807,0.0,0.07239219044104497,0.0,0.0,0.11100163422014744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797778151784501,0.0628908951485828,0.0,0.171058211546822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904434407840772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762514326382232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866377670326244 bpd,imanintrovert132,2020/02/28,"Chronic deep boredom? Sometimes I get so bored that even when I’m occupied doing everything I feel hollow and un- stimulated. It’s like an itch you can’t scratch, it goes with people too in conversations I can’t be satisfied talking to one person sometimes",7.17625,8.074339125000002,7.612500000000002,68.9825,64.0,10.566666666666666,38.91666666666667,10.504223727775694,4.471866666666667,210,11,34,5,3,69,41,48,0.105,0.746,0.149,0.2866,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,1,0,4,7,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,4,1,3,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296443185510811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31247911131454675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580124984137685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18165237157842049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698625530255359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23560205224491276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410427386756167,0.3035873192501325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.687743667432379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794580471018792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pandurz,2020/02/28,"Looking for perspective Hello, I'm new to this reddit thing, but due to recent events I find myself lurking around here often. Before I get to the questions, I'd like to provide some context; I'm a 20 something girl and I'm undiagnosed, but definitely and very evidentally not mentally/emotionally stable. I've been in a relationship with a great guy for 2yrs, previously my model of a relationship was one where I was (in my opinion) emotionally abused, so riddle me this why I'm now with someone wonderful and have seem to sort of... adopted the emotionally abusive role, I feel awful. I have crippling trust and abandonment issues, last night I went to impulsively break up with him (its unfortunately not the first time) and while I began my stance with explanations of my irrational motivations and justifications, I know where it's really coming from... that he's better off without me, and those quickly became the more prevalent talking points I expressed through the interaction. Things like, ""why do you even want to be with a girl who doesn't trust you?"" Or because he has a history of cruel partners, that the way I act isn't okay or any less hurtful just because I'm not screaming at or hitting him, and is this really healthy? He's now questioning that he's been overlooking things and brushing them under the rug, I have had more moments than I'd like to admit where I've been horrendous towards him, so I'm happy he's giving it critical thought, but would that have even been necessary if I hadn't badgered the ideas into his head that something about this relationship is wrong? I've made him feel unsettled and hurt about a situation that he'd only ever insisted he wanted, valued and felt supported in. He's said he doesn't like when I say I think he could find better because (in his words) ""who cares? What if I want to be with you?"" But the more I bring it up, the more he begins to wonder. I'm beginning to accept that I might have some form of BPD, I check every box, I have some sort of self awareness but when I spiral out of control everything in me just wants to run. This comes down on him, who doesn't want to abandon this thing we worked really hard to build in a quick moment, he asks me to please give it thought, then an hour later after I've processed what I've almost just done, I'm wondering what the f is wrong with me because I don't want to break up. I think I've officially put us on thin ice, and I'm doing my best not to feel sorry for myself and trying to see this productively, it's so not fair of me to go from ""we're no good for each other"" to ""I love you, I want a future and permanence with you"" in a span of 60minutes. So here's my question... is it wrong of me to continue to work at this? I love him, I don't want to hurt him anymore, he's so tolerant, forgiving and quick to excuse my behaviour while disregarding how it made him feel... I don't want to take advantage of his kind nature. I'd really appreciate some insight as to what it feels and looks like from the other end, he will always sugar coat because he knows how fragile my self esteem can be... what are things your partner does, or could have done, to help you cope with the mental turbulance? What kind of approaches to the emotional labour would've been a weight worth carrying for the parts of them that you loved? What did you need to feel seen and heard? I'm of course going to have this conversation with him as well, we have a little already, our communication when I'm not being a paranoid, rancid bitch has always been strong and is entirely responsible for why he didn't say ""screw this"" a long time ago, but a broader perspective I think will really help me be more gentle and considerate during the times when I struggle the most to be those things.",8.82579688779689,6.653431070270273,8.878157248157253,71.35061015561018,61.94594594594594,12.15888615888616,36.20802620802621,10.767703573000405,3.6330495495495496,2992,102,582,59,33,986,327,740,0.109,0.672,0.21899999999999997,0.9982,0,0,2,0,1,0,90.0,4,9,2,10,32,40,3,1,33,2,54,7,1,7,2,126,122,47,0,15,22,0,11,5,2,4,0,5,1,7,47,37,2,4,31,0,2,10,17,14,1,2,24,23,75,26,93,84,15,77,0,5,4,4,80,28,2,25,41,388,122,4,0.0,0.1388384829353793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05193625461853001,0.0,0.05866914463355526,0.0,0.06465521660560886,0.0,0.09750268664854003,0.0,0.0,0.03984302098249504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810526200175009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05215727549443875,0.054773482269725296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17857875761817812,0.0,0.0498555392053809,0.0,0.06148629992207461,0.10363569806030253,0.0,0.0,0.07379170548673407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059736127721618376,0.0,0.0,0.1009397174971723,0.0,0.0,0.06571335668483777,0.09355825315822314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051272261703516134,0.11991525774061952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263622211079946,0.051893104507273975,0.0,0.0,0.0773959193555189,0.052997759064808726,0.04936436884826369,0.0,0.05265666542977277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17774834719844512,0.0,0.05625532247947735,0.0,0.1070998913380389,0.04983638872250791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030610712231260637,0.11240920271739614,0.06659577992303083,0.04914228014735158,0.0,0.06459537679642155,0.0,0.05801303754659087,0.0,0.06236984994197629,0.05248488389717698,0.0,0.060129959258395926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854291304148044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05769907546581528,0.0,0.18816453177563386,0.06614066605878463,0.0,0.061152449054504385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202436160936166,0.06439875936230878,0.04775844436921371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431198966562136,0.058722294835805225,0.0,0.05185006142410119,0.09840122277408636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863853836620734,0.11087802568478224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059044660653119065,0.06215443758168952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0434435374515547,0.0,0.056586319874826575,0.0,0.054982486355903686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0397019128332713,0.04456012473630574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344696082499783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431392203790162,0.05538622640634685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058898854523327736,0.19690169700798726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18767038516104284,0.0,0.0578502834582343,0.188710308750465,0.0,0.0,0.05573224378570369,0.09318579920128904,0.0,0.0,0.046688423846263816,0.05333788363129773,0.1222437187260988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585730382101139,0.0,0.0,0.04964288243529868,0.09021046288799844,0.0,0.06558639844161147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061250700003264616,0.0,0.0,0.06648692370001992,0.0,0.0,0.0440521803530339,0.04709220026259173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23354645259062015,0.1126257868557746,0.0,0.09302739155552284,0.10249241649591301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03977857620151126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704762231874846,0.0,0.0,0.04834265774838722,0.3110196313755497,0.046505795241558984,0.0,0.0713464988362326,0.05267919760450592,0.05431326049978838,0.15860433673413948,0.0,0.0,0.056478402498029726,0.19061416699968708,0.08530803274941247,0.0,0.0,0.08324091684562603,0.1921759946334752,0.0,0.0 bpd,Fur-Dev,2020/02/28,"Help? Symptoms Those with BPD suffering from auditory hallucinations, how do you deal with them until medicated? [Bpd auditory hallucinations](https://journals.lww.com/co-psychiatry/fulltext/2013/01000/Psychotic_symptoms_in_patients_with_borderline.21.aspx)",27.51125,36.60436429166667,19.488333333333333,-30.41,31.08333333333333,18.2,49.66666666666666,13.023866798666859,11.351766666666665,229,10,13,9,3,65,21,24,0.14300000000000002,0.745,0.11199999999999999,-0.1926,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7984616639891992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32679706049453194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21246800242655248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193284959466212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294682261054497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ahumanduck,2020/02/28,"Dealing with the end of therapy? So I've been with this BPD programme for 18 months where I was having group therapy every week and individual therapy every week so seeing someone basically twice a week but now its ending and I have 4 weeks left and then 6 monthly check ups. And I am STRUGGLING with this ending. I don't feel like I'm ready at all for the end even though I have improved since starting, there is still a lot I need to work on. I knew this ending was coming from the time I started but it does not make things easier. Especially since in August I cut ties with my family and that felt like a massive lost and something I'm still getting over and now this ending just kinda makes me feel like ""People are leaving me"" kinda thing and nothing or no one is permanent. Which is just so dishearting. I do plan to see another therapist but it will probably be a little while since I'll need to get on a waiting list (NHS things) and go through the whole process of building a new relationship with a therapist etc. But yeah what are some things I can do to prepare or deal with this massive loss/change in my life. I'm also scared because I don't have a massive support system and I know a lot of what will keep me going from now is myself and its hard to have faith in myself I guess that I will be okay.",3.670451127819547,5.0076890150375934,4.6797067669172945,85.20016165413537,72.38345864661655,7.575639097744363,26.457894736842107,8.07648339933343,1.5403389473684213,1042,35,212,15,20,340,149,266,0.11199999999999999,0.8170000000000001,0.07,-0.8792,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,15,10,1,2,13,2,25,1,0,2,1,45,51,24,0,2,9,0,4,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,18,18,0,2,5,0,1,3,4,4,0,2,6,6,22,6,27,40,6,39,1,1,2,0,4,11,0,8,27,149,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069890122317642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916417659013746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05327546469434482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007152958246956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245281444896801,0.07528345514749983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802017751583603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648036095158799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4644386533870364,0.0,0.09746904616512776,0.0577238808258399,0.0,0.14726889831753315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238866703223739,0.0,0.08837954676087563,0.12487067626784185,0.08391335247813653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132104739087236,0.0,0.09933771433407687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627595848254347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828917101745501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768110546264265,0.0,0.0,0.04803026234091474,0.0,0.0,0.0925391792307778,0.09495542916132008,0.0,0.06173000199056836,0.12809103002613065,0.0875932162095351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540247466911196,0.14860099923487524,0.0,0.0,0.11667430393735775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395164537857551,0.0,0.0,0.12960526081418716,0.0,0.08440708533542157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385830637485517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05922142934741734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06058901177714274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422709356506218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383002328483474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749810739348778,0.0,0.13928574201274646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21688329695513994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404989444942939,0.06728129922549149,0.0,0.0,0.12371792084016317,0.0,0.13958826354769446,0.0,0.0,0.09136471630362776,0.0,0.0,0.09917533875416112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998329947367998,0.20294574328530235,0.2322466560493553,0.0,0.08586560128540396,0.0,0.05096099884530977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804134837747761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975739163435958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362493987950534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,willbegreat,2020/02/28,Pretty sure this is it Pretty sure I had my last hurrah of a breakdown on my boyfriend... pretty sure it’s over. Pretty sure he’s never actually given a fuck about me. Pretty sure I’ve loved him with every ounce of my ability. Pretty sure this is the beginning (or acceleration) of an unending downward spiral. Pretty sure I’ll go into work tomorrow and act like everything’s fine even though I just lost the person I thought I’d be with forever. Pretty sure I’ll never find someone that will love me beyond simple convenience. Fuck this life dude,4.8247857142857145,6.528304085714289,6.048750000000003,75.07312500000002,70.04761904761905,8.678571428571429,26.458333333333336,9.188382445141503,2.371690476190476,439,14,75,9,8,147,68,105,0.042,0.489,0.469,0.9949,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,5,15,2,0,5,0,5,5,0,0,10,18,14,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,4,0,9,12,10,8,0,12,0,1,0,4,5,5,2,1,6,42,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.08177348741449543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055346927360043166,0.0,0.0706023304476557,0.0,0.07531106706482744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658866198004884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493739022110078,0.0,0.0,0.04762359339585233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830549138358542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059188084502071324,0.040938832899559054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147399239165532,0.0,0.15125957944675214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925835561604745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316804270178283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6820109217804179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100066853572988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6318191538095984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232982829772402,0.06652521639114907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06100499265499371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ZombieGiraffeHeh,2020/02/28,"I can’t take it anymore I feel just like a sponge, like I bathed in glue and now everything sticks to me. I’m searching for something that probably doesn’t even exist. I don’t know what I am, what I want, if I want to keep living or of I just want to die. Cutting fills this hole inside of me sometimes. I like to see myself broken down, I need to bleed. Everything is just so overwhelming. All I do is sit at home and go to some appointments occasionally and I still feel so overwhelmed and left on my own to deal with everything. I have support. I have a social worker, a case worker, a law appointed guardian, a therapist, a psychiatrist, meds. I don’t know what to do to make it feel better, to stop this pain from coming back. It keeps coming back.",2.5744433198380565,4.337077881578948,3.952894736842108,87.54757085020245,76.10526315789474,7.3085020242914975,23.534412955465587,8.139509932561175,1.2212696356275303,586,18,124,10,13,193,90,152,0.1,0.7709999999999999,0.128,0.0107,0,0,1,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,3,10,9,1,2,6,0,11,2,0,1,1,28,30,8,1,5,5,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,9,7,0,3,5,1,0,4,4,4,0,0,0,4,19,5,19,30,3,15,0,2,1,0,2,5,0,3,8,83,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783921536629707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22925409728491666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184193442507955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568243928343044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368652847439973,0.0,0.0,0.15471304171645306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846054897513834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40192849146995097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22612561476517215,0.1064969572413498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472096597921665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953121705831632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650038139994072,0.0,0.0,0.16385197702748422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196699788085325,0.0,0.0,0.21848692351810955,0.0,0.1316331719726549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950661539566744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558521611030802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053488562500144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862295549300973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072466417737175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879096161571152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195997489704569,0.0,0.11476279076747352,0.1474358683829242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190489695318602,0.12463073903898098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916496532850595,0.0,0.0,0.1120834766801496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308390401129636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637793129343507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,FeatheredDrake,2020/02/28,"A story about how my BPD-induced obsession almost killed me This is going to be a somewhat long story but I really need to get it off my chest. To start this off: my therapist does suspect I have BPD but I never got an official diagnosis. However, I match all the symptoms and probably the most severe aspect for me is the obsessive patterns I go through. I know for sure obsessing over things is a core symptom of BPD. People with BPD tend to obsess over things and move on from one interest to another. But I also have OCD so this could be part of my OCD as well. Anyway, you know that feel when you become obsessed with something/someone and it becomes your entire life? It's happened to me many times but one obsession in particular almost killed me. &nbsp; Back in 2017, I discovered a band that I really connected with, emotionally. Being a huge music lover, I quickly became very enthusiastic about this band. I listened to their entire discography, watched all the interviews, watched all the backstage footage I could find, read many books about the band, and so on. It was just a matter of time until this band would become my entire universe. But something in particular really caught my eye. The lead singer. He was so beautiful, so pure. His voice would pierce right through my heart. I started looking up everything I could find about him. When I found out about his tragic life and early death, I started obsessing over him even more. I would have dreams about meeting him in heaven, hugging him and befriending him. I started crying over him every single day. I would listen to the band's saddest songs and cry myself to sleep while listening to his voice. I did so many crazy things while obsessing with this person I never got to meet. I almost dropped out of college because I skipped too many classes in order to stay at home and listen to my favorite band. I stopped going out, all I did was listen to music and googling stuff about the band. I stopped eating and drinking properly. I remember back in 2018 when my mom finally agreed to get a puppy - owning a dog has always been my biggest dream - yet I almost turned it down because I was scared I was going to love the puppy more than I love my favorite artist and this realization crushed me. I didn't want to love anything more than this. This was all I cared about. I felt like I was not allowed to care about anything besides my favorite artist. &nbsp; Fast forward to 2019 - the obsession was stronger than ever. I started ignoring my best friend - who I used to be super close to - because I was afraid that our relationship was going to ruin my love for the band. I was scared that I loved my friend more than this band and it felt super wrong. I felt like I needed to put all my feelings into this band that I loved and nothing else could distract me from it. This is where things started degrading even more. I became obsessed with the topic of death and suicide and I somehow started believing that if I killed myself, I would meet my favorite singer in the afterlife. Now, normally, I don't believe in life after death, but this time I was fairly convinced there has to be more than this. I couldn't cope with the fact that the absolute best person in this world was dead and I couldn't do anything to bring him back, so I started believing in an illusion. I made plans to overdose on my SSRI because all I wanted was to join my favorite person in the afterlife and I was somehow convinced this would be the only outcome. I took my pills and went for a walk in the forest. I sat down and looked at the sky. I was ready. I unpacked my pills and took a deep breath. But something just clicked in that moment and I snapped. Just before ingesting the pills, I remembered about my dog and how I was going to break his heart because he wouldn't understand why I left him. I immediately gave up on my plan and went back home. &nbsp; A few days ago I realized that I no longer enjoyed the band's music the way I used to and that the obsession was starting to fade. I don't know what happened - most obsessions have a shell time, but it was probably burnout as well, because I listened to this band more than I've ever listened to anything else. Anyway, this is how it all ended. I'm still here and I managed to come back to my senses after 3 years of being completely delusional. Not sure what I want with this post, I guess I want you guys to know that there is hope. I was so close to dying because of this obsession that took over my life and now I'm doing so much better. Please never give up. Life is worth fighting for.",4.964755820404072,6.260141045095832,5.319441670693081,82.00171614681199,69.2142051860203,8.202208263989549,29.862905101912993,8.563005593585519,2.2554058051931767,3645,140,682,57,63,1159,340,887,0.14800000000000002,0.6729999999999999,0.179,0.9914,2,0,4,0,2,1,94.0,1,4,1,9,53,55,4,17,38,0,61,27,6,8,17,131,136,55,9,22,14,1,5,2,3,7,11,10,2,4,49,40,3,3,17,20,1,19,12,26,2,2,39,21,125,29,115,77,25,119,1,2,6,8,62,46,0,12,52,501,174,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040987090998806534,0.0,0.18520223205003486,0.0,0.0,0.036976416122730914,0.03847362039913056,0.15029617176653454,0.0,0.0,0.048484448986802785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152199342859555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777037905314386,0.0,0.19730327840918446,0.15319831799834496,0.039345030503536736,0.15628277185049566,0.09704760532296207,0.04089364759089635,0.0,0.0,0.2329399661147538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428520099594358,0.0,0.0,0.03982983964514002,0.048479537719271486,0.0,0.0,0.14766873984468334,0.0,0.10158028056034403,0.05963921518095702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04798761966939684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0404630805896977,0.0,0.0,0.04529551969045515,0.0,0.047312894785090286,0.07725163165081916,0.05201139182158722,0.04095303776278384,0.0,0.0,0.06107936763751817,0.08364961969156418,0.03895740832571614,0.0,0.04155562532408298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04675852308450715,0.0,0.13318684829523078,0.05065133771331097,0.08452116973926561,0.0,0.0,0.05069744910153442,0.0714465431509776,0.0,0.04831476805465767,0.044355587967613935,0.15766831735694087,0.0,0.0739613134775248,0.0,0.05093623798919402,0.045782770946885834,0.08177600958677167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095842214224904,0.0,0.0,0.0927607277742948,0.04592464802685555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346609132135586,0.0,0.10164451901972377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050237592171092506,0.0,0.1632959111508158,0.04517898543954764,0.0,0.0,0.04091906899126132,0.07765634818796385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25038895298443603,0.043751400268366214,0.0,0.18751181296480168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054153246504349925,0.0,0.049143549208805835,0.033990162175169314,0.06856960463997859,0.10698451114821922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04530330540377698,0.04436649313291285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266396859289095,0.03516599148128613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050071118451504235,0.0,0.03205552426642628,0.12111940064245155,0.0,0.05075530752880141,0.0,0.0,0.044283107939403016,0.0,0.09970451062775564,0.0,0.0,0.04648184062952805,0.0,0.0,0.046250392867171,0.0,0.08886351021121572,0.0,0.0,0.04964217933425755,0.10475700955196067,0.03948689708556954,0.0,0.0,0.09258436876755374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05223564358197074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04627127268424232,0.0,0.03917720587985349,0.07119235837456127,0.0,0.0,0.2945466865711281,0.049283428190232605,0.03692563088765762,0.07731387655191377,0.0,0.0,0.052931310559001216,0.05057673627104072,0.0,0.08715730984693817,0.09611772347523706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05368574274307728,0.12287357229343393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784671921276782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541159587770455,0.0,0.050293536159688866,0.0,0.048135263996384174,0.0,0.07986936558693224,0.0,0.03815109362064716,0.1090891989911436,0.03670147713842968,0.0,0.0,0.08314681456408449,0.08572595644016501,0.04172249507449192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19707638095788796,0.05055386349851853,0.0,0.029775678906179638 bpd,pastelidiot,2020/02/28,"is this a bpd thing? hi so idk if this is a bpd thing or not but basically ive lived almost my entire life exclusively for other people's validation. whether it just be one person or a group of people literally everything about myself ive molded to be appealing to the people i want to like me. like even my ambitions feel tainted by this? like i dont to do the things i want to do because im super passionate about them but because people would like me more and compliment me if i was good or talented at these things. my entire personality feels just manufactured to appeal to people i want to like me. i could fundamentally change who i am on a dime if i felt like it'd make me more likeable to someone. its such an awful way to live but its all i know how to do. i don't know how to live for myself, how to have passions outside of just getting attention and validation. this is all thar defines. i feel like such a broken person and i just wish i had some kind of explanation as to why i am the way i am? i dont even feel like a person. does this sound familiar to anyone?",3.0606172513848584,4.329284515695068,5.241577420205754,80.84704563439728,73.79820627802691,8.2963861777895,25.225270377209178,8.841846274778883,1.7682705882352938,849,27,177,17,17,297,112,223,0.039,0.6920000000000001,0.26899999999999996,0.9955,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,14,15,0,0,10,1,22,3,0,4,2,40,35,18,0,9,15,0,5,8,0,1,1,1,0,4,16,3,0,0,8,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,3,6,29,15,26,27,5,4,0,0,0,2,8,2,0,8,8,132,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253990998851427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160123016664838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484552039339353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25794120182829544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832678605373552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175894601367638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961189280709474,0.0,0.2400266534563489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526992175805816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920315059506777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20710829217159332,0.14631073281082538,0.09832111477761787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053500348377033616,0.0,0.0,0.08588918441564852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061076027529856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663498789680266,0.11255393324085307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232892539382947,0.4002240404180046,0.0,0.27126614251361925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835352950540569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938963562061362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.354960146703412,0.3576507634136784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676411985005368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27212296317318696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18119646596239086,0.16256245383493526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924010654100284,0.0,0.11775621152015547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274280351302488,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WokenDreamer,2020/02/28,"DAE Ever have crazy vivid dreams/nightmares that follow you into waking life? This might not belong here, so forgive me if it shouldn't be, but I think it's relavent. So, every few weeks I'll have a crazy dream or nightmare that feels so real that when I wake up, everything I felt is still present, for the whole day. It's like the clear lines of dream land and reality blur together. For example; (I'll make this as short as possible) Last night I drempt of 20 foot prehistoric birds that were hunting people, people specifically.. To irradicate us.. I was hiding with a group of kids and despite my best efforts to protect them, 2/3rds of the kids were eaten, right in front of me. It was horrifying and devastating. When I woke up I felt so scared and sad. All day I've been anxious and felt overwhelming grief for the kids who were eaten. I feel sick to my stomach and lethargic.. I know it wasn't real, it was just a dream.. And that those birds have been extinct for a wicked long time.. I just can't seem to shake it. I think it's super weird and a little confusing.. Is there a way to force myself to disconnect? I'd love to hear what y'all think or your experiences!",3.067887931034484,4.990563116379313,3.836586206896552,88.21703448275862,75.16379310344827,7.053793103448276,23.23793103448276,7.908726449838941,1.0495199999999998,921,27,191,14,20,293,139,232,0.196,0.69,0.114,-0.9764,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,1,3,1,3,12,12,0,4,10,0,18,9,4,1,3,38,35,20,1,2,7,0,5,1,0,2,2,1,0,3,18,10,2,1,11,3,0,3,4,7,0,0,15,7,21,5,23,17,4,24,0,3,1,1,13,8,0,7,13,119,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16981432251524906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15774739449495576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19388280160466784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596945038391434,0.12664773415493585,0.0,0.13509435085322333,0.14703791585171588,0.0,0.0,0.15200859748093193,0.0,0.4329808701543824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694170848315867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260975624640482,0.1225276228025392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617265384342718,0.07343681706825095,0.15065614650503947,0.0,0.13302495197176278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566608130848,0.0,0.10033711392279383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946154829997874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410614067929039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20842041039016268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694587328103795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34218508967350203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283690640528406,0.0,0.0,0.1504925638859235,0.0,0.0,0.13684206370160246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200425717507578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889493180100147,0.0,0.0,0.08765048299763628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808116701730386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931386402449685,0.12057444834684132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678224738382312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GrizLee86,2020/02/29,13 years ago my wife was diagnosed with BPD and we never ever talked about it. HELP! 13 years ago my wife was diagnosed with BPD. Fast forward to today and we are currently planning a divorce. I am trying to save the marriage and could not figure out her reasoning for it. I have been going to counseling for a couple months and just thought I would mention it to my counselor who said that everything made sense now. She explained to me what it is and I have so much relief because I see it all clearly now. My question is how do I approach her about it? She was told she had it 13 years ago but like I said we never talked about it since. I don't want to seem like I am blaming anything on the disorder. I just want her to be open to a possibility that she may need talk to her counselor about it. Any advice would help. Even just how to communicate for now. We fight less then not but I literally just take it all and walk on eggshells. I know it's not healthy and I won't do it forever but we are at a stage where there is hope for no divorce. I'm just so lost and alone right now!,1.456036363636365,3.4928552844444454,2.873303030303031,92.6783181818182,80.6,6.046464646464647,23.11616161616161,7.1686216300943375,0.7058888888888891,849,29,189,11,22,276,117,225,0.115,0.7909999999999999,0.094,-0.7016,1,1,0,0,3,0,16.0,5,0,0,2,21,7,1,0,6,0,23,2,0,4,6,53,40,16,0,7,11,2,0,2,0,4,2,2,0,0,16,17,0,0,7,0,0,4,8,2,0,0,11,3,31,5,24,23,4,30,0,1,1,0,31,8,0,4,21,139,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274904715933085,0.33404905679250463,0.0,0.0,0.13009875090843204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542217555427274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337004019174756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657344050405218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164141606283519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029296635594072,0.13899006812137393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549921706995845,0.0,0.0,0.14396511329607067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296720036962241,0.113625517523035,0.0,0.0,0.11289422356856085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138962186449413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683935188880643,0.0,0.0,0.12476355345919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690344506022949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273781089890502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371230783237081,0.0,0.0,0.11885948833194515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026430491589773,0.0,0.0923411195911268,0.09314156887139076,0.19376331083533074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161148816892616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071700148892027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291526392357774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727410676271452,0.2389763323813997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009850256836852,0.11435473382522528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390962225606501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444647998249499,0.3028925592641773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972389112139952,0.0,0.0,0.1190678695020704,0.12003004915183922,0.0,0.08528400798416877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818138728241068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784658903050982,0.0,0.0,0.24267488156833095 bpd,marge_ncharge,2020/02/29,Cycling through bad habits Everytime I try to kick a self destructive behavior another one pops up in its place. It feels like I’m playing a sick game of whack a mole. I focus on managing my eating disorder. Doing great but now I’m binge drinking. I cut back the drinking and then I start compulsively shopping online. I’m trying so hard but I’m never in control. And it’s exhausting.,1.0374000000000017,3.611819306666668,3.2101666666666664,83.17925000000002,95.93333333333334,6.766666666666668,26.25,7.793537801064563,2.4300000000000006,308,15,55,8,12,104,58,75,0.22399999999999998,0.701,0.075,-0.882,0,0,2,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,2,0,4,0,1,5,0,1,1,7,7,6,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,3,1,1,5,1,0,1,4,0,1,0,2,5,3,7,7,0,10,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,6,30,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441450517335243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17903372853605806,0.1944053121034332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611413126025515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668460794312533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4561741848869173,0.0,0.23824565167509354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772704729053975,0.16633549898101166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566985212089469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085720797742133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375014017802768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957468531870527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777324661463754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24326028152737994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428949514681861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647999571308601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161558053576065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,VampireSockPuppet,2020/02/29,"self isolation? ive been self isolating a lot more than usual lately, but haven't really found any effective ways to get out of it :x its becoming a bit of issue in my relationship so does anyone have any advice?",2.884285714285717,5.180756714285717,5.362142857142857,75.32035714285716,77.09523809523809,9.914285714285716,22.404761904761905,10.125756701596842,2.775361904761905,170,5,31,6,4,60,37,42,0.043,0.8420000000000001,0.115,0.6194,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,6,4,3,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254304918139924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137582489259605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130588239918048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547822510983175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518569647547689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20188096502065755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25294292474877283,0.0,0.0,0.1205275507632376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407835156539099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602317085917671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19612690601421456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778781822106205,0.0,0.0,0.2476779059743689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.481326141741983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254075704783896,0.0,0.0,0.18311333478341915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wLLouise,2020/02/29,"Feeling of being unable to be in romantic relationships Hey guys, I just wanted to see if others are in the same situation. As a 29 year old female I have been single for 5 years (prior to a 2 year relationship) but have had lots of short term relationships in that time. I just got broken up with again ( iand can see that my mental health, recently being told it was too much to handle is definately a big part of this. I'm using the time to work on myself and not being in a relationship but am scared I will never be capable of one. Do others feel the same? It makes me feel a bit alone",4.164249999999999,4.8151382583333335,6.091666666666669,78.10500000000003,70.58333333333334,9.0,23.333333333333336,9.188382445141503,1.6035833333333338,461,10,94,9,8,161,84,120,0.11199999999999999,0.862,0.026000000000000002,-0.9037,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,8,0,16,1,0,2,1,18,27,5,0,2,6,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,5,7,0,18,16,8,19,0,0,2,0,7,8,0,2,11,73,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401625402746116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235021409333025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255731336085451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893507426640056,0.0,0.0,0.14724393082456927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806925395675914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642590691059016,0.0,0.0,0.0992634959683397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986231192920754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931721659754526,0.0,0.11469248972198252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604363955467335,0.0,0.1007681368542442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103586893277802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468308417545797,0.6386253578538786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888227720053918,0.0,0.2370014514618851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671536037106454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17342522672824026,0.0,0.0,0.14209651062760628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284356440016266,0.0,0.0,0.08771161147385845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826092378671463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28728850926492394 bpd,pri444,2020/02/29,"bpd and boyfriend When I first met my bf 6 months ago I told him about my bpd, I was doing really well and he said he knew someone in the past with it and would provide the reassurance and clarity whenever I need it. Since then we’ve had a few problems. Recently I’ve been in a bad place and getting help that I seek myself from a support group/therapist. I have told him some of the things my therapist tells me which he says he doesn’t believe are true. I have also told him I got put on medication which he says he doesn’t agree with but these are steps that my psychiatrist has given me to help me when I’m feeling so turbulent and low. Today I said that when people are supportive of me and show genuine care like my dad saying “you’re doing really well” it encourages me and makes me feel like I am making progress as it’s a positive statement - he said that I’m looking for validation... but to me that’s not validation that’s just someone Being supportive and understanding. I asked if he could support me like that to rather then making assumptions about bpd (which he doesn’t know anything about) and the treatment and he told me this is my own problem which I need to fix myself. I feel as though he’s taken the person out of me and is treating me as if I am only my mental illness and he had repeatedly told me I don’t want to conform to your illness when I’m not asking for conformity just understanding",6.084003496503499,5.7344248391608446,6.812019230769232,78.06110576923079,66.34265734265736,10.226923076923079,32.210664335664326,9.827888789773867,2.854644055944056,1128,41,228,22,16,374,142,286,0.059000000000000004,0.746,0.195,0.9889,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,2,15,18,0,0,9,0,23,3,0,3,1,45,60,29,0,10,9,1,3,3,1,1,3,6,0,1,18,16,0,0,8,1,0,2,6,4,2,1,17,10,40,14,24,40,3,21,0,1,1,0,38,6,0,3,16,151,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775632513454016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997352063026498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200484101911718,0.0,0.1636009143729759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305863864664383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858225780038084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306086263966757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921182944177497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986143262012301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272751213238065,0.06250984082007661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442724495677977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04571500937243033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998154549758524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729847965322525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04808757577378965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824387817422472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347775490146942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752202931440932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814679541555462,0.08817917057129984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984146781765369,0.0,0.0,0.12975991585985786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654750482664575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352841476612273,0.06066131128354139,0.07640140904452421,0.09141861821005168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16745089248957012,0.0,0.08796141906850531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210916429188043,0.0,0.08639544975337607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24969690620998894,0.20874994601631164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238069964010517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482765130493453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971747298302308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647864057720467,0.0,0.0,0.20318791388084212,0.05813094769143591,0.0,0.08596806277813128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293953449256783,0.4180488171748331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821806568335146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05160962118941898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734557197024224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621573138354052,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,offzones,2020/02/29,"Losing and gaining I used to have a best friend. over 6 years and we suddenly stopped talking. I blame myself for most of it because I was stingy about them having other friends and feeling like I wasnt good enough. we would talk almost every day and when they didnt text me back I felt betrayed. I tried to get out of this cycle but my mind just wouldnt let. Ive gotten better over these past few months. but after that friendship ended I stumbled upon someone else who I consider close but they often say dumb things that makes me feel annoyed by them but the thought of them leaving me makes me uneasy. Anyway, as Ive gotten closer to this person...I feel like Im going back to my old ways and Im afraid of ruining this friendship too. But we are online friends and they have friends who live in their state, unlike me. And it makes me feel like theyre not going to talk to them, or they prefer them over me. It's an annoying cycle that I can't seem to get rid of. I am aware that it's just my mind but I don't know how to control these emotions. I barely have friends. It's also weird that this only happens with this specific person? I have other friends but theyre all different and maybe thats why Im more ""dedicated"" towards this person. I tend to get too close to people and it's confusing because sometimes I become manipulative and I dont answer them for a few weeks so they miss me and sometimes I text them too much and get frustrated when they dont text back even though I tell them it's okay. I know everyone is busy and Im more understanding of that but I feel like I constantly need someone to talk to but sometimes I just want everyone to leave me alone. Please give me advice...",2.248215057636888,4.261462959654182,3.3635581772334326,90.26144677593662,77.9048991354467,5.951332853025937,22.65931195965418,6.9077264865688965,0.6220519452449564,1345,41,279,14,32,433,168,347,0.11900000000000001,0.726,0.155,0.9426,1,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,3,0,15,5,19,24,4,2,4,1,20,0,0,7,1,66,49,30,0,5,14,0,6,4,6,2,0,1,0,2,27,20,0,2,13,0,0,2,8,10,0,0,7,7,56,14,33,39,9,30,0,3,0,0,35,10,1,6,20,189,83,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665855054736936,0.0,0.0,0.07855441488245847,0.08124854655464862,0.0,0.06273489689231605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096518110446747,0.0,0.09564243626016043,0.08663973501201679,0.0,0.0,0.08232641440119852,0.06938094694332744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477449942272056,0.08798618620710763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05059251825132885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196154110566553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838811182940391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553330006741857,0.08824352507076175,0.06948170944820115,0.08105783152452202,0.0,0.05181421339306054,0.0,0.06609588626419738,0.14992099414288693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983285180212652,0.22417328059417066,0.07532245388953382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636527268904465,0.0,0.16394352455492953,0.0752545413949869,0.08916769723113736,0.06579852300688176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693713732648284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389495291775946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622602038020978,0.0,0.0,0.1661303679268841,0.0,0.0802184712690186,0.0,0.15330306668131147,0.0,0.06927108708198218,0.0,0.0,0.08776332920516272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570940968072661,0.0,0.07881163504494976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842038456992233,0.0,0.06261650468467962,0.0,0.05766836116119683,0.05816825328282015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231805787624298,0.0,0.0,0.059663295717249036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488756376315367,0.054386017374116025,0.20549349849760756,0.0,0.08611242836483914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06238505757441053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714161807862606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329375980216076,0.0,0.2327614549898447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655861030140222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522143631212698,0.06856707491433914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05211741494249636,0.0,0.07707483496386418,0.062279008474804665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053261093167187835,0.0,0.0,0.08166721224886918,0.0,0.06775394887270687,0.0,0.0,0.04627070690179489,0.06226843013754549,0.06292631350634056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078718548332641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05572726139037357,0.0,0.0,0.0505179880028873 bpd,blixafritz,2020/02/29,"I am in a weird position. I loved someone who abused me and we have been together for many many years. I gave that Savage, unwavering love, now I do not want to be with them any more. I don't want to ride this person from my life entirely, I just want to be free to live and love my way with no abuse I want a healthy relationship with affection and compassion that will ensure even when they know I'm suffering from this peculiar condition. Any advice, input, our can you relate?",4.09655639097744,5.414698294736841,5.104962406015041,82.63473684210527,71.3157894736842,9.639097744360905,26.203007518797,9.957137785484203,2.384458646616541,378,12,78,10,7,124,68,95,0.193,0.5589999999999999,0.249,0.8888,0,0,0,0,2,0,10.0,2,1,2,0,4,7,0,0,2,0,9,4,0,1,0,15,19,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,15,5,11,14,1,6,0,1,0,3,12,1,0,0,3,52,20,0,0.0,0.4247593169279798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515914472280106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24378967587464476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183916632601219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985100544871093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660821663678715,0.0,0.0,0.15827933453817492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4853351590296909,0.0,0.0,0.3634588286763377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651250550189416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924453512393571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151876312588116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4229006360682318,0.14227877892609386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154298836662014 bpd,TheBurner002,2020/02/29,"Is it possible that I did this to myself? As a child, I realize in hindsight that I struggled a lot with anxiety. I had odd phobias as well as social anxiety and low self esteem. I remember being around 11 years old and feeling suicidal because I couldn't cope with my phobia of bugs and the idea that I can never escape being around bugs on some level. I also can see evidence of OCD at an early age, which I am now diagnosed with. My parents were emotionally neglectful and possibly even abusive. Around the age of 12 I developed an interest in mental disorders. I remember looking them up online and trying to mimic the symptoms. I never knew about BPD until later but I feigned depression, psychosis, panic attacks (which I now know that I did in fact, actually experience). In my early teen years I experienced bouts of actual depression, self harm, suicidality, etc. I think attention may have been a factor in my feigning, but looking at it, I also tried my best to not draw attention to myself. I loved being hospitalized. I loved feeling sick, and being coddled. I constantly wonder if I somehow brought on the severity of my mental illnesses by taking on that role as a child. Firstly I feel so guilty and invalid, but I also feel disgust because, maybe I didn't have to suffer so much if my behaviour as a child was different?",6.42076807228916,7.3523101807228946,7.823953313253014,66.68725527108435,65.66666666666667,11.044277108433736,36.044427710843365,10.9516,4.495483734939759,1061,51,169,30,16,366,142,249,0.225,0.679,0.096,-0.9869,2,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,1,2,14,15,2,2,11,0,19,6,0,0,3,42,34,23,2,3,6,1,4,0,0,1,4,0,0,5,10,13,0,1,14,0,0,1,5,10,1,1,9,8,35,5,35,19,5,32,0,5,3,2,11,16,0,7,15,141,45,0,0.0,0.12271713090610305,0.20214471743427864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484819981640721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846620345026993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27660592665230144,0.0,0.1178292995912027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627434303429627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086935287240364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044663396696612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192567482855344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784146368251644,0.10512446816424302,0.0,0.10821179553649128,0.11870369139517335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116505743590959,0.0,0.0,0.11551133191699288,0.0684090244026222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131431952533444,0.0,0.0,0.20947858960830565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809918560683146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692136939771222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056921041023859024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17395055724007832,0.0,0.0,0.0880541054887114,0.18695744741511094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405305247232788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20875455269985085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613811090807568,0.0,0.15976384643828784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868249581082264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152066113159103,0.11500561783603755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335261092740619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234656156406697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253431325100681,0.0,0.21609856455060414,0.11700806850825178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055796838343725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827704266819943,0.0,0.22658421785266525,0.0,0.0,0.10765205903512133,0.07787404570818683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636542999112538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406386079643724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312461288516834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232055738295432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339530016000353 bpd,adabbadon,2020/02/29,"my girlfriend has told me that she doesn't feel optimistic anymore about our relationship and i am so terrified for years shes been telling me how she will always be with me no matter what, that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. but all the sudden yesterday she told me that she doesnt feel optimistic anymore and im so scared. i dont know how to function. it feels like i cant breathe and i cant do anything. i have so many things i need to do, im graduating college in a couple months and i have so much work and it feels like my world is crashing down. i cant do any of this anymore. i dont have anyone i can turn to in real life. im so alone and so scared and dont know what to do.",0.3887956989247314,2.124029212903231,2.371612903225806,96.46408602150538,82.67741935483872,5.681720430107527,20.655913978494624,6.742157984588678,0.09253978494623638,548,16,135,6,15,183,80,155,0.146,0.804,0.05,-0.9401,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,1,9,4,0,2,3,0,23,3,1,2,1,23,34,16,0,2,1,0,4,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,9,9,0,0,6,0,1,0,9,2,0,0,3,4,25,2,14,29,3,8,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,0,6,93,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031077993292015,0.0,0.0,0.10469168073556916,0.0,0.0,0.08556139272911845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743366104651787,0.08797573291359177,0.0,0.1035385079797172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921658781008375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4423776108484028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544719378964704,0.17977056989382148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40771908586069344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382939196173735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773968987864122,0.12293784339830252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756095380032392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042771111783168,0.0,0.09249161294613856,0.0932933667622175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320983209422822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508276933556812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519340024557704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099715550455626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358870745677058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404513373286994,0.0,0.0,0.13685519522389264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421144328243326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915978998709437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102346068271299 bpd,ejames8863,2020/02/29,"Need some support please I just spoke on the phone with my mother for the first time since my suicide attempt this past November. There were a lot of hard feelings between us because the last time we spoke I had discovered her cocaine addiction after being judged and ridiculed for my own struggles with addiction throughout my entire adult life. My mother told me she doesn’t believe I have a mental illness and that I am just using my diagnosis to avoid taking responsibility for my actions. I am so fucking hurt. I have been struggling with BPD for so many years and the effects it has had on my day to day life are practically debilitating. I have so much pent up hatred for her because of how my siblings and I suffered as a result of her dropping the ball as a mother after my dad died. I feel like she deserves to beg for my forgiveness after everything she has put us through... (years of mental abuse and hunger because she spent all her money on drugs instead of taking care of her kids). I decided to take time away from my family for the sake of my mental health, especially after the suicide attempt. I have not had a phone either so I had no real way of communicating with them anyway. She has made it clear that she has turned all of my siblings against me too, and that hurts the most because after all the hurt and suffering she has put us through, we used to always be on each others side. I have no friends and she has just robbed me of the only family I have. I want to die now more than ever. Someone please talk to me, I need a friend more than ever. I have never felt so desperate that I felt the need to turn to strangers on the internet for support but I really need someone who understands right now",6.6475805184603285,6.567069283582093,6.855271013354282,77.31745483110763,65.11940298507463,9.440691280439903,33.15396700706992,8.99025400887824,2.7230895522388066,1370,52,258,20,19,442,166,335,0.128,0.8140000000000001,0.057,-0.9645,0,1,2,0,1,3,22.0,5,0,1,4,17,17,2,3,18,0,25,9,0,6,7,51,51,17,4,5,6,4,5,1,2,0,7,2,0,2,9,15,1,1,8,1,2,3,5,10,0,1,13,7,56,7,52,36,12,34,0,5,0,1,35,9,1,3,21,203,65,0,0.0,0.09894503163851816,0.0,0.18207523359063726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948654444582619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845986847957405,0.0,0.0,0.20362631972257367,0.0,0.0,0.09408654258552517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517721714725778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851434403835874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077133613471794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333922996663453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684443869365236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107814019773627,0.0,0.0,0.07505290056147787,0.0,0.15745053704246584,0.0,0.08444976476937482,0.059659161106267726,0.160364318159761,0.0,0.0,0.07103308757980506,0.0,0.0,0.12903837342724409,0.07720313225351996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480805592160213,0.0,0.0,0.08876663036311078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26819575028708065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807134000906173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797037523673512,0.04079849449044059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099674013849247,0.0,0.07901865194323282,0.0,0.08466546552238807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524736237197696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061389047617653285,0.24768476847353185,0.06440762884451358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351269271506235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971921041723043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18333657689991328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16790010668715236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505202603471027,0.05349828607970317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131660605109569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907987229150835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415145561760152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460439848007173,0.0,0.1826915479418683,0.18953104729927428,0.0,0.0,0.1883661195349724,0.06712172513550581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460850792732495,0.0,0.0,0.07979684928619359,0.0,0.0,0.18166858223599686,0.0,0.08693627286430035,0.3013547246678527,0.1442506882414873,0.0,0.0,0.04925603176682703,0.06628590696561013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075546836640129 bpd,tadpoletears,2020/02/29,"Just something about relationships that I’ve been thinking about I lurk here on my main account but have always been too afraid to post because of how judgmental people are about bpd. I’m 30 and have spent the better part of my 20s practicing mindfulness and trying to “be a better person,” whatever that ends up meaning. I just wanted to share a little bit about my dating experiences because I think it’s interesting how much I’ve changed and how far I know I still have to go. As many of us are, I was obsessed with finding someone to love and to love me from a pretty young age, I’d say around 16 or 17 is when I noticed it. My first relationship was alright. I was 17 and he was 20 when we got together and it lasted about a year. I don’t remember a whole lot about that breakup. I know that I was an obsessive annoying teenager with attachment issues that caused me to be passive aggressive and pick fights whenever he did anything with other friends. These habits continued into my next relationship that lasted from ages 19-21. He was my best friend for about a year and then we dated for about a year. When that one ended I was a much larger wreck and spent basically an entire year depressed and wallowing, not working, living with my mom and swinging from guy to guy for a few weeks to a couple months at a time. Even after I got my shit together, moved back out and got a new job etc, I spent the next 4-5 years with no serious relations. They were all short lived and full of drama and ups and downs. Then I met someone that I felt like I was MEGA in love with. Hadn’t felt anything close to this since the guy I dated from 19-21, and it was even stronger than how I’d felt about that guy. We were together only 3 months though. It was the most intense feelings of love I’ve ever felt in my life. I thought wow, this person understands me like no one else ever has, and I understand him too! I thought it was a healthy relationship. We didn’t fight, we had disagreements and would take a bit of time apart then come back and have a civil discussion to resolve the issue. I thought I had grown so much! I had finally mastered this whole bpd thing and life would be great. Then, when he left, it was the most intense feelings of dispair that I’ve ever felt in my life. I couldn’t control my emotions even a little bit, crying at the drop of a hat at work at least 10 times a day, lost motivation to even go to work after a while and my life completely hit a tail spin. The most interesting thing to me about that break up though, was that the more time went by, the more I realized that it was not as healthy as I thought. It was incredibly co-dependent and just *way too much way too fast.” In relationships you do have to give up some of yourself to the other person, be vulnerable etc. I gave up my entire self though. 3 months. 3 fucking months and when he left my life fell to complete shambles. I’m still picking up the pieces from the fallout of that, it completely shattered me. I even dated an abusive asshole for 2 fucking years after this because???? I don’t even know. Now I’m with someone who I know that if I’d met them before the last guy, I would have felt the same way about them. The weird thing to me is that I don’t have that intensity anymore. He works a lot and has 2 kids with his ex. We don’t get to spend a ton of time together or even just texting so I’ve struggled with it. I almost bolted even, because its not the constant communication and crazy love story I’m used to seeking out. It’s not that, it’s *better*. It’s like going through the last break up of even just a 3 month relationship was so traumatic that it somehow broke the cord between my brain and my heart. I still feel that “hole in my heart” feeling, it feels like I’ll never be able to fill it. However it doesn’t feel so obsessive anymore. If you read all of this then thank you! I’m still growing and working on fighting this disorder every day. Some days are much easier than others but looking back over the last 10-15 years it’s interesting to see the ups and downs and changes that I’ve made. Keep fighting for the good things in your life! We all deserve them no matter who tries to say we don’t.",3.8863662167641735,4.9902476831566585,4.6818490413022085,86.2855818803221,71.57950530035336,7.875811465755278,27.4633802544942,8.249195462096736,1.645004387031995,3309,115,696,49,61,1068,336,849,0.107,0.742,0.15,0.993,2,0,1,0,6,0,81.0,9,4,4,15,59,44,9,5,48,1,56,17,4,11,7,132,119,60,0,7,15,2,12,4,2,3,6,2,0,10,57,52,0,2,30,2,5,10,17,19,0,3,48,16,77,25,104,61,33,122,0,3,2,7,64,36,3,13,73,471,134,8,0.04336411684671605,0.05137938751049676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04342289908828558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0360824190434402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601110325229888,0.0,0.0,0.07136994660526924,0.038603257720235824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003298744380752,0.0,0.10573745255430908,0.0,0.03689966951843273,0.0,0.04550796527722471,0.1150561122100302,0.14202715316645545,0.0,0.10923117427112797,0.0484086957754236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0445468931973178,0.09174697149425133,0.03735434694213095,0.1363993544307998,0.04686120492655768,0.04863654436929042,0.0,0.047981570492206894,0.047633446134060516,0.08389880382675742,0.0,0.03734945029801367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04969903479723314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03622515526349239,0.04877879480199578,0.07681547274880274,0.0,0.09672490614139076,0.25777431180476684,0.11767597899119085,0.036536138722381886,0.0,0.0,0.042418427197726837,0.0,0.0,0.1315572025417462,0.030979333739854186,0.24981811544682275,0.047503270384291515,0.03963401719068318,0.03688549563724732,0.0,0.0,0.06700601821286005,0.0801788545294388,0.022655961264489842,0.04159881226051157,0.07393448079136088,0.03637176381443686,0.10404673688934662,0.04780909191228519,0.0,0.21468646687493773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277337450688134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052174327343196,0.043032194777368304,0.03854401951417587,0.0,0.0,0.09532713819730572,0.17673771480825132,0.0,0.0,0.09423047967130094,0.0,0.183776148948767,0.08474206834062753,0.08692447448532722,0.07658261928619982,0.0,0.0364149366193353,0.0,0.047337056076207716,0.07373324285516951,0.19568904251159824,0.04103217586084377,0.0,0.04396440821529792,0.0,0.047236235872542234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04378539629504169,0.05078752955042473,0.1730641217462092,0.0460891935159325,0.1593880771078494,0.0,0.03344508022519313,0.04188133426947397,0.09223646044332434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04937033444541748,0.0,0.0,0.05876929569499945,0.032980364923871026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046959112742655615,0.0,0.03006321857000225,0.11359162259577782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04153083699010405,0.04411689651452625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04337585179258864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27934099755406955,0.04912309105795685,0.0,0.0,0.06896977244942681,0.0,0.0,0.03455558675569812,0.0,0.04523823123359628,0.0,0.044512642784050434,0.03587124556802245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102268264470334,0.03338381572766856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852255891800294,0.0,0.0,0.04533359028737965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032604419137801745,0.0,0.0,0.03992385263961717,0.0,0.0,0.11523676947637394,0.05557195021816135,0.12781507389075453,0.13770505982974685,0.12642982629155106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05888277768706341,0.0,0.0,0.0902871499103008,0.05216169328371864,0.03745267390934877,0.0,0.0,0.025577279641719318,0.10326125255828436,0.034784078851229715,0.0,0.0,0.040198970763401766,0.0,0.09682897567493444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784796764274145,0.0,0.0,0.09241387329183956,0.0,0.0,0.19547548650606925 bpd,bgtnever,2020/02/29,"Advice- my friend w/ BPD almost cut me off? So basically I’m looking for advice for how I should approach my friend about how they were talking about cutting me off last night, I feel like we should talk about it for the sake of our friendship, but I don’t want to trigger them again. My friend’s tendency is to cut people off when they feel like they’ve caused harm because they are afraid the other person is going to leave, so they try to beat them to the punch and justify it by saying “it’s for your own good” or whatever. So long story short, I hinted at the fact that they’ve been asking a lot of me lately, and that I think they should make better use of the other people in their support system in addition to me, and they just started spiraling and freaking out. They felt like I was telling them that they had hurt me, and once that idea was in their head nothing I said would convince them otherwise. This all happened over text, which is super frustrating but we live kinda far so I couldn’t just show up to help in person. I tried talking them down, which I’m normally pretty good at, but because I was the trigger I think, nothing I said was really registering. The conversation kinda devolved into them saying “you should’ve left me a long time ago, I’m so sorry I’ve caused you so much pain, I’m just going to leave you alone so I don’t hurt you anymore,” etc. So ya know, I realized that I just needed to wait until they were thinking more clearly and rationally, I told them “let’s talk about this in a day or two. I’m not mad at you, I love you, I’m here for you.” Etc. I knew they were with their dad at the time so they were physically safe, at least. They said a number of things in the conversation that basically implied they were planning to cut me off, and as much as I understand that they were saying that as a defense mechanism and don’t actually want to cut me off, it still hurt really bad to hear that from someone I’m so close to you know? Abandonment is a huge trigger for me (which they know), I had a different friend with BPD cut me off a few years ago and it messed me up real bad, so it kinda felt like I was reliving one of my most traumatic moments. Today, the next day, they are acting like nothing happened, just like messaging me normal stuff. Basically, I need to bring up to them how much they hurt me by saying they were gonna leave me, but I’m not sure how I’ll be able to tell when a good time to do that is? How can I do so without triggering them again?",4.905340571933589,4.991645771037182,5.640666624581783,83.98136607537405,68.78473581213308,8.78532920901458,27.834164509816297,8.558390810932622,1.7386374723817934,1963,58,418,28,31,641,213,511,0.145,0.703,0.152,0.6117,1,1,0,0,0,0,49.0,3,10,30,4,32,41,9,1,19,0,35,3,1,13,4,84,78,38,0,11,14,1,4,6,4,5,1,8,0,2,25,17,0,4,14,1,0,5,7,21,0,2,22,13,84,20,66,48,12,58,0,5,1,1,71,29,0,8,29,288,109,0,0.06970696338368865,0.0,0.0680239409121248,0.0,0.0,0.13623367572092776,0.1235820343242816,0.0,0.06980145467876522,0.07219539154528498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913057685680392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516660101537766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640480552714864,0.0849854357641082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616501444365786,0.0,0.0,0.17558696034764162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321650612366518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991044933855949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282894036508693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548338075284115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049187029338742,0.09959733713883406,0.13385923271990982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21542170797855545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923214737710364,0.1754006809852827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328327501882805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153945489108762,0.0,0.07856481388120237,0.0,0.04672310819636088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984909840637885,0.07869067689943984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492737224327858,0.05682047882217418,0.07863249091841189,0.22142882799712235,0.0757368196761999,0.07128009285108422,0.0,0.20433180764727735,0.0,0.06155252575856818,0.12337693808870084,0.05853629309495735,0.0,0.0,0.05926236752421205,0.0629132559953338,0.0,0.04652993934205371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372791601904548,0.10337366019055848,0.0,0.0,0.07413414636681068,0.0654152630563905,0.13659604785262758,0.20065713412154412,0.0,0.0,0.07423564101445088,0.04723524241917928,0.0,0.07417312374658848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665206297006257,0.12173086340743808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091704186690823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934178512705979,0.08931213138480096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19892185473565266,0.2217351004614137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05906248386735322,0.0,0.0,0.07803123851489087,0.04933894746274637,0.0,0.055668071002369146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797977958294499,0.0,0.07910263598292096,0.06569798804110047,0.0,0.0,0.22411126685986174,0.12185391691224967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046310209076427265,0.13399622247734874,0.0,0.0,0.12194007275273737,0.0,0.06607405066644441,0.06660799073940374,0.0,0.09465290490454996,0.0,0.06809357440793354,0.07256740723051945,0.0,0.06020443534105813,0.0,0.0,0.08222994609768991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719502520308666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04951782679728777,0.0,0.0,0.04488899898652755 bpd,emossblad,2020/02/29,"Does anyone suffer from Seroquel memory loss? I've been on seroquel for almost a year now, and after going full sober (no weed or party drugs but a bit of alcohol here and there) I've noticed that my memory REALLY sucks. I can ask my girlfriend questions about herself and forget I even asked the questions the next day. We can have a deep talk and I'll forget all that we talked about later or the next day as well. Does anyone else suffer from this? And does anyone have any solutions?",5.673719298245615,6.2831818631579015,5.987105263157897,80.33890350877195,67.21052631578948,8.438596491228072,25.307017543859647,8.344100000000001,1.5755964912280702,387,9,71,5,6,124,63,95,0.18100000000000002,0.7559999999999999,0.063,-0.9206,0,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,0,1,7,5,1,0,6,0,5,2,0,0,1,16,9,9,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,1,0,7,1,9,8,3,12,0,3,0,0,10,3,1,5,8,46,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077666899151714,0.1600157429851962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866888626227374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352057958229233,0.1637330900347809,0.0,0.0,0.2987812253278949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445925932456294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061144344233736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4195238793200579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18531625472213464,0.0,0.13349166582490118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554581643425262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081752657739943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398963693823219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18193236549335634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580231884928342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023714127943386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25688097076896577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367860648385536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290539871622614 bpd,Fossam,2020/02/29,"DAE have conceptualization messing with real world issues? I have a couple of people from times long past gone, and I still feel attached to them. Interesting that at time I barely interacted with them, but in my mind they are so HEAVILY conceptualized that I still feel like I miss them. They are barely real people anymore in my mind, because I dont know shit about ""real"" them, just concepts like a ""girl that symbolizes pure creativity"", ""guy that symbolizes pure manhoodness"". Problem is that they still are real people, and I can't do anything but stalk them online (I try to be as harmless as I can) - because they are living concepts, living embodiments of something I crave (or craved) badly. So, DAE has this problem? It's like favourite person, but I dont even ""know"" or relate to them anymore. Most of the time I solved this problem with real interaction, but it would be strange (and straight creepy) trying to reach for people with whom you lost connection so long ago, so I kinda can not solve this by myself",8.246042780748661,7.991532668449199,7.9201122994652415,71.58605080213906,61.88770053475936,10.046844919786096,34.20802139037433,9.3871,3.0740998930481283,807,29,139,12,10,257,104,187,0.124,0.7559999999999999,0.12,-0.4294,0,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,10,1,10,13,1,0,3,0,17,1,1,0,2,34,24,15,0,4,8,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,11,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,2,2,27,5,20,19,1,16,0,2,0,0,17,5,1,4,13,98,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047034244782864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20243288584940025,0.0,0.0,0.08398697207639938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521612932005967,0.12443008433542405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292783623333262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392279405637653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067409898726699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320955922276208,0.07291193454704073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105579256395306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652448945578194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112179398678562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495845954625209,0.0,0.180242318047432,0.18064039647963945,0.0,0.0,0.11141092843574817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20610371905276131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742815259720806,0.28302318481813804,0.08911516110863145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929739146557338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5808351116823116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476348279276343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857104377086242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445165824238985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17853663277795245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858455668282954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725007444992783,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,deluxeactivitycentre,2020/02/29,"My husband just told me he keeps things from me to protect me, ""for my own good"". Bitch brain wanted to tear his face off. He keeps major stuff from me, sometimes for weeks at a time, and only lets me know if something serious has happened if it can't be avoided. I may over react to trauma, but how is cotton wool and delaying the inevitable ever supposed to help when I'm going to find out anyway and just feel pissed I was the last to know, and considered least likely to be helpful.",6.770103092783502,5.769163329896905,6.8172371134020615,80.73987628865981,65.18556701030927,8.997113402061856,31.771134020618554,7.554174236665415,2.0433191752577318,381,12,75,3,5,122,72,97,0.106,0.794,0.1,-0.1734,0,1,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,2,1,3,0,8,3,3,2,1,23,18,9,0,3,5,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,5,4,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,2,1,10,2,15,12,3,11,0,0,0,0,7,4,2,3,7,54,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546099636658793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063091920116336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532285684969865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084587389767242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962172165151195,0.19130061892638706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20168821479392665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057511338925197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40545159297695976,0.0,0.0,0.25069090174817754,0.1859136356595041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233224736693358,0.0,0.1114271650762617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734632462297682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558523263841688,0.2255745183272408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610942154623009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152458261563306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299384733565905,0.0,0.0,0.21793786288024974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452604198348092,0.0,0.18295004462729048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,drearydeer,2020/02/29,"I managed my shame! Said something off-kilter in a voice chat and recognized it immediately. Instead of bursting into tears and isolating, I calmly apologized, took a deep breath, and *didn't* immediately spiral into being suicidal. The people thing is still difficult, but I'm making progress and that's all I can really ask for.",5.9710344827586175,8.614781620689659,7.244344827586207,63.7851379310345,69.0,10.157241379310344,32.289655172413795,10.355215969177356,4.274519999999999,266,12,38,8,5,90,49,58,0.145,0.733,0.122,0.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,3,0,4,1,1,1,1,9,9,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,2,4,1,5,5,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,27,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479667789728392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484535462396663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580440479382718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384477185931078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540576306531334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865459972602093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972479622461009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4071381160518065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24728026373633544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4135398059544333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BandPandD,2020/02/29,im sick of the fear i hate this fucking disorder. i hate how the littlest things spark a fear of me that someone is going to leave me and how i spiral out of control at the thought. another person laughs and talks with my best friend? a normal person wouldn’t care. me? i hate that person and secretly wish they’d get away from my friend because i’m scared my friend will like them better. my crush doesn’t reply to my message instantly? he hates me and doesn’t want to talk to me. he leaves me on seen? he hates me and i have to go cry in the bathroom floor in the dark at work. i hate this life. i hate this disorder. I hate everything that has caused me to develop this disorder. i wish i could die.,0.8433904109589037,3.066605034246578,2.2742294520547937,95.01011130136988,84.27397260273973,5.8417808219178085,20.08390410958904,7.1686216300943375,0.3774808219178088,549,16,123,8,16,177,81,146,0.315,0.506,0.179,-0.9801,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,4,2,20,9,3,7,0,9,3,0,4,0,19,28,7,1,6,0,0,0,1,3,2,2,0,0,3,8,7,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,12,0,0,2,1,25,8,18,22,1,10,0,0,1,1,15,8,1,0,1,74,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411450943416687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432649223776525,0.0,0.0,0.054712981305725036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419089994419998,0.07937979419006085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915098100944738,0.09220170434808353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066633074918384,0.07166097222754292,0.0,0.09859015078962786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315010025849696,0.0,0.3085963161872427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066477753868383,0.0,0.0,0.20199557910359955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20803030146588564,0.0829757869706661,0.04689256853395782,0.0,0.10201811544012178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7089050426933973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969493248950355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19007227482102584,0.0,0.0,0.06339564496132588,0.04384909120586032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793950334432528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351082298063739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985904377506795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604796155128812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428113998427575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962832526965441,0.0,0.0,0.07125435862282503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293901788185878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064244957843503,0.0,0.0,0.06534171341680993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Qadim3311,2020/02/29,"I don’t like asking for help but y’all seem alright To get my context down straightaway: I am a 24 year old male who has suffered from psychiatric issues as far as my memory will go back. I currently take Latuda and amphetamines for my bipolarity and attention deficit, respectively. I only recently became aware of my BPD after my psychiatrist referred me to the ER during a particularly bad suicidal episode and the attending psych there explained that my descriptions closely matched the disorder. Now, what I’d like all of your input on (if you’re feeling generous), is how I might go about finding some sense of hope & purpose. The very first thing I freaked out about at 4 years old was the fact that we die, and ever since I became aware of death then it sort of sucks the meaning out of everything for me. I have other issues, sure, but what I really think is the problem is that when I look ahead to the future I feel there’s nothing to look forward to but my death and the deaths of everyone around me. I feel I may never be able to adequately care for myself and perhaps end up homeless/dead before I ever see myself transcend this stuff (I am unemployed and thus far have lacked the wherewithal to not drop out every time I take another shot at undergrad) All of this prompts my request above, how might I find a way to spend the absurdly short lifetime we get in a worthy way that gives me some sense of meaning? What has worked for you?",9.760913978494623,7.3522424121863805,9.295421146953403,69.8297983870968,60.362007168458774,12.740860215053766,40.09587813620072,11.20814326018867,4.341934050179211,1159,47,215,24,12,374,171,279,0.161,0.738,0.10099999999999999,-0.9793,3,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,2,3,0,3,12,12,1,0,15,1,16,1,0,3,7,50,38,17,5,4,5,0,3,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,14,14,0,0,12,0,1,4,3,5,1,1,1,6,36,7,39,32,5,40,0,1,3,0,12,15,1,9,22,149,50,4,0.11941292773702765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938385731287522,0.0,0.0,0.1252148665372459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630282269681383,0.11163496787378234,0.0,0.0,0.09182117050963676,0.0997048067790943,0.0,0.0,0.10161160632649886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503964022370798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174943828234475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239317661211164,0.0,0.1368575606375218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576441034026324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21603165931454849,0.10061054185578798,0.11410416978132515,0.10732063966001096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18113629266259035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21828250520810846,0.1015725753309933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477665231152064,0.1145517613092316,0.13573023740990478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003996834564342,0.0,0.0,0.11860398114492245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24927214420968186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667824942469618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005535687694943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601513708099069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25335649132098603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209861144428047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457992474814875,0.0,0.25060756048689603,0.0,0.0,0.09081891249661772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426204477618232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649897925110849,0.0,0.11790586005737218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515664296253867,0.10870904457587494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877960780321586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669923296624245,0.1306183614418645,0.0,0.11254527119819717,0.0,0.17956732107205015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793326431319496,0.07651498241119535,0.0,0.0,0.06963063845678785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985281713165309,0.0,0.1895688476467638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869340335936614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379602071204354 bpd,owl-on-a-bookshelf,2020/02/29,"Is this as good as I'm gonna get? Around 5 years ago, I was diagnosed with BPD after an in-patient hospital stay following severe suicidal thoughts. I started seeing a therapist and attending DBT groups after I was discharged. After five years in therapy, a lot of my more ""explosive"" tendencies have calmed down a bit. I'm less prone to outbursts. When I do have outbursts, they are less severe than they used to be. I feel more capable of verbalizing my emotions. I'm less volatile, for lack of a better word. For example, six or seven years ago, if I felt like there was a chance my boyfriend was going to abandon me, I would freak out and run away, or have a meltdown, or hurt myself. Now, I still have the intense fear, but I react outwardly far less, tell him about it more often, and talk through my feelings with him. I am grateful that I've come as far as I have. It feels really good to not have huge meltdowns multiple times a week. It feels good to be able to go to my boyfriend and say ""I'm feeling sad/scared/upset. Here is why."" It feels really, really good. The things I struggle with still, on a daily basis, are what I feel like are the deeper, less explosive, underlying things that have plagued me most of my life - low (pretty much no) sense of self-worth or self-esteem, fear of abandonment, a sense of purposelessness, and this pervasive feeling that I just shouldn't really be here. Not in a suicidal sense, but just in the sense that I feel out of place wherever I am, just by existing on the planet, if that makes sense. I feel scared that this is as good as I'm going to get. It was one thing to analyze my behaviors, understand how they were skewed, and slowly work on changing them to be healthier. The issues that I am still struggling with (self-hatred, feelings of worthlessness, purposelessness, fear of abandonment) feel like they will be impossible to get rid of in comparison to my reactions to those feelings. My outbursts and freakouts and meltdowns were actions, things that I was doing. The issues that I'm still struggling with feel like they're *part of me*, the same as my brown eyes or the mole on my cheek. I still feel them very intensely, and very often, I just dont react to them as much anymore - but they're still there, and they still hurt, confuse, and terrify me. They feel so ingrained in me that I can't ever see them changing. To equate it to something physical: it feels like I have had severe nausea and vomiting for my entire life. Then I went to a doctor, and they taught me how to control myself so that I don't vomit anymore, which is great..... but the nausea is still there, constantly, inescapably - I'm just able to control whether it makes me throw up or not. My unhealthy actions and reactions are less often, and are less severe, but inside my heart and my mind, at the core of who I am, I feel just as messed up and broken as I ever did, and it feels like that is never going to change.",7.116386456509048,6.400943560420316,7.084138353765322,78.17325948628138,64.35901926444835,10.555539988324577,33.04384121424402,9.888512548439397,2.95931729130181,2307,80,452,42,30,738,235,571,0.139,0.77,0.091,-0.9857,0,0,1,0,0,2,97.0,0,0,11,4,32,31,0,8,23,0,46,9,3,9,3,99,93,48,2,5,23,0,20,6,0,4,6,1,0,0,32,27,0,5,22,0,0,12,9,17,0,4,14,25,65,14,76,70,18,63,0,7,4,0,18,24,0,14,32,331,97,3,0.10871370521145302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963681402603273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781478332574852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04838912314107556,0.0,0.0,0.051070052341249714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048074218866992105,0.05934360474405776,0.0,0.06846055300507946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250702778624027,0.04682361543517401,0.0,0.058740447041124064,0.12193166450862955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05517106119205392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563654193902162,0.0,0.0,0.06370582642519744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114414294909955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983377703408424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18349971385804775,0.5222047004445262,0.1941627318127186,0.05219110279428981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519763597040841,0.0,0.12356900795997695,0.2279597451113965,0.0,0.05992862189436055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441313205582712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638026989919238,0.0,0.0,0.1134688635334212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678770503707119,0.15933607507487124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046212252265944664,0.0,0.0,0.07256724240440067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488492573493154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991708208966003,0.0,0.041923355723205394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03683361009204274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058863174335384336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056791341706653925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055300460741282136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928956666394984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04322675091638466,0.05442069208793862,0.0,0.0866307478426658,0.0,0.17011815617049186,0.2456310855260451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04184656077143275,0.0,0.0,0.03847406004751818,0.0579371724683315,0.3472756216523372,0.0,0.0,0.1704767534445546,0.0,0.11891514855297138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043689979123501435,0.04751028505266601,0.0,0.06216179820132635,0.06311249542929705,0.14444911020162293,0.0,0.0,0.043153269249591265,0.03169591788062846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05658740055992876,0.0,0.04694686813470711,0.0,0.08970019221970298,0.0,0.0,0.04360178840550854,0.0,0.0,0.05038934694351132,0.049048604809091324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0395724360839589,0.0,0.0,0.03861354851681725,0.0,0.0,0.10501209275601213 bpd,quarterjupiter,2020/02/29,My brother is getting married 3 days before my birthday I know it’s ridiculous to be angry about because I know they aren’t even considering it but I feel so angry. It feels like they’re stealing the only time that people actually care about me. I’m not going to say anything to them because I know it’s irrational but they’re on my mental hit list right now. Stupid brain.,1.6394666666666673,4.246524413333336,3.2360000000000007,86.70466666666668,84.86666666666667,4.933333333333334,24.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.9259333333333342,301,12,56,3,9,99,54,75,0.249,0.662,0.08900000000000001,-0.9267,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,5,5,2,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,8,13,3,0,0,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,3,10,2,6,11,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,31,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.24519184418628995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20676416204425013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30632943996726003,0.0,0.2138022966413489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804873449890325,0.0,0.0,0.25617456962464275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204080937781987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595372924070798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540874792847477,0.17949897081574126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127208493142908,0.0,0.14279587505322866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4142549515650151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275210774119315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25320925725106685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19109324979918968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419086020503555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21457320469929395,0.0,0.19981067501366875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465107280247995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,xxprettyskinnyxx,2020/02/29,"liking someone doesnt feel real unless im full blown obsessed with them. I hate it. even if im clearly into someone but dont have that obsession towards them, feels like i dont like them at all and rather not pursue anything.",4.76949275362319,5.405526239130435,5.524782608695656,82.76297101449278,69.21739130434783,7.0028985507246375,30.55072463768116,6.42735559955562,1.6661246376811598,181,7,34,1,3,59,35,46,0.076,0.66,0.263,0.8424,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,3,0,2,6,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,13,7,4,0,2,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,5,3,5,7,2,4,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18356079748219928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5228533719487262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733016874582913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22557342561990226,0.1593553442937562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22022727750246826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4818898914013279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32693008159855136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538930828678549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779989594865056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,FreeChipmunk,2020/02/29,Some days I feel invisible I used to have a lot of friends who I would talk to constantly. Now I’ve lost most of those friends and I’m off work due to anxiety. I know I need validation from certain people which I hate but now I don’t get it from anyone. I try to reach out to people to talk and no one replies. I write things on twitter and no one likes them. I hate feeling this way.,1.465920826161792,2.8855151445783167,3.1089845094664383,93.89156626506028,78.27710843373494,6.670567986230638,23.9053356282272,7.447530270364453,0.7266709122203103,299,10,73,4,7,99,56,83,0.188,0.669,0.14400000000000002,-0.6956,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,2,2,7,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,16,13,4,0,2,1,0,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,1,2,11,4,13,11,3,9,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,3,6,47,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985635674039134,0.0,0.0,0.14611200183587425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22581509765793284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476404493663882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113162517988141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32288906292785136,0.0,0.10917470247496112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4126160047247417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484076783350185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208891591703954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22810813246139705,0.1776531297271453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549436432547191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831978876226709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897376901825867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359135791234091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882593498115806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187236771454606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180477203470226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658653454549028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521277751360212,0.0,0.0,0.14844153676835142,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,090799103119,2020/02/29,"I fucking hate my girlfriend today I stayed the night at my girlfriend’s house after a party. Drinking usually puts me in a bad mood the day after but I’m easy going while I’m drunk for the most part. My girlfriend wanted to have sex last night when we went to bed and I was just revolted by it and went through the motions to get it over with. I woke up this morning and had the urge to check through her phone which is easy to do because she always leaves it somewhere weird and far away. I just felt so paranoid and I needed to check and see something and it turns out she removed my fingerprint from her passcodes. She had me put it in for music-changing purposes a month ago, and I KNOW she has no idea I’ve looked through it before, so why would she take my fingerprint out? Is she talking about me?? Who is she talking to?? She’s cheated on me before and has historically done really fucked up things, I thought we were past that but I can’t shake that paranoia and it makes me so ANGRY! I woke her up making coffee and she wanted to cuddle and I just laid there and told her she should shower before we go out. I don’t want to be here anymore, I want to leave. I hate feeling like I want to break up with her because I promised I wouldn’t do that again (we’re off an on 3-4 years running) because I am always the one to leave. I’m a quiet borderline, I don’t lash out but I abandon and shut everyone out as punishment. She hasn’t actually done anything to deserve this but I can’t help but HATE HER right now I can’t stand to be near here.",2.283246187363833,3.8618655232198194,3.4693636050911607,91.49630776287123,76.43034055727554,6.147414287352369,24.656461414975357,6.775458762138228,0.7375913083361993,1216,41,266,11,27,394,164,323,0.183,0.742,0.075,-0.9917,1,0,2,0,0,0,25.0,3,0,0,0,13,14,7,1,11,0,26,6,0,2,0,50,58,25,0,9,8,0,2,1,3,3,0,1,2,0,15,24,2,1,5,2,2,10,8,11,0,1,13,5,52,2,45,40,2,51,0,1,2,4,29,21,2,1,18,185,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.10034071353248776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114665614503188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711144540253489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197308941105157,0.0,0.0,0.08461481914832407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660588006538454,0.0,0.08585316499299342,0.188040397618011,0.0,0.2624851785475145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877342312344353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631252555855374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21044788162155065,0.0,0.10072769395263134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825207460989403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05199055265421503,0.07345698985123818,0.09872649793532473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19011697775397698,0.053720933143719334,0.0,0.11687370793174287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30455017922668703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892029412019604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186442889947271,0.0,0.11607499598772672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565089995310211,0.08381471746307381,0.0,0.3266251013976977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05023427316371093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634567974064455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727070944732206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207258129873887,0.0,0.0,0.07624217801042399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19298541316425424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967573275919504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113476195817192,0.0981564796081586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067316436275572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587124231625392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781054090902587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193686174571822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915840391196538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959596237347753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731032906720901,0.1652909558447831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831123513661559,0.0,0.0,0.08163021893337746,0.0,0.0,0.09746447061068528,0.09825207460989403,0.0,0.0,0.11184222971077323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324534402056577,0.0,0.3032392476289744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19063646831104009,0.09278203989100453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304272594021924,0.0,0.0,0.06621483741857792 bpd,Bpdgirll,2020/02/29,"Should I stay with him? Or is this just my bpd? I'm confused. If this is really me or just my mental illness messing with me. Situation: I've been together with my boyfriend for over 5 years. I'm in my mid twenties right now, he is 24. He was my first sexual partner. I've always been a very over the top sexual, passionate person, but never went the whole way before him. The problem is....i'm not very satisfied with our sex life, he doesnt attract me anymore, i keep getting urges to go on tinder and get a one night stand...I keep seeing people I'm attracted to. While my boyfriend makes me feel kind of empty and numb. I know that the spark dies eventually in all relationships, also it might be my bpd pushing me to spontaneous urges to fill the emptiness. But damn...somehow I don't want to live the rest of my life not knowing how passionate sex might be with others. Or maybe I'm just idolizing others? I'm scared to ruin a good relationship if I'd feel this bored and unsatisfied in my future relationships too. Then what's the point? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?",3.645901504787961,5.269748074418609,5.039097127222983,81.46056087551302,72.90697674418605,8.407660738714089,26.60054719562244,9.007467420416297,2.0989835841313265,856,30,169,18,17,286,129,215,0.175,0.746,0.079,-0.9696,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,1,0,0,2,8,13,0,2,11,0,15,8,0,2,2,36,33,14,1,5,12,0,2,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,8,8,0,2,4,0,0,4,5,7,0,2,5,3,21,6,21,23,3,25,0,1,1,4,11,11,0,8,8,103,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130702415073506,0.10540902552599976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563385186738524,0.08857854044563704,0.1298000063125086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779649228857772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191014333911045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147523352852258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058260066004907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810778664032996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775508555800688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237154617430433,0.0,0.07199592654440698,0.10625430007134226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252003964564029,0.0,0.1319191243830985,0.13924150611220035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895755780942016,0.0,0.0,0.1118619466930467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456078008443019,0.0,0.12726843607573646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276649978762778,0.2687777710667041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770446130377763,0.0,0.0,0.1188818586848482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584255648992367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782489250024911,0.11061326229562464,0.0,0.0,0.11975481607188795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121693646900597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115531212476915,0.0,0.0,0.4080250593257865,0.0,0.10818517466397276,0.0,0.0,0.1268301239847471,0.0,0.10094862880484964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28479027432610576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350254560454727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090507500767712,0.07471993824454445,0.10055375346516797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743487403704672,0.0,0.14143519529951176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157863141848719 bpd,tornscorecard,2020/02/29,"Is there something I can take to not feel emotions? Sorry if this has been asked before. I feel like I’m at my wits end sometimes, my fp just told me not to text her or she won’t reply for a week. I want to numb myself, hopefully with a medication rather than street drugs. If anyone knows of anything that can accomplish this, I’d be very great full",1.7024404761904748,3.7804191250000017,2.8436507936507947,92.99500000000002,79.97222222222223,5.7809523809523835,20.007936507936503,6.868970318607317,0.1869936507936512,275,7,60,3,7,88,59,72,0.032,0.767,0.201,0.8889,0,0,2,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,0,7,3,0,0,0,13,16,3,0,5,7,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,2,9,3,8,12,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,4,3,38,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751130864062816,0.0,0.19714380763858366,0.0,0.22396346367933267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20385447083778907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778224785583665,0.0,0.0,0.26948142171025863,0.21218587800006528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24226525837086135,0.17114721537791905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641242390570893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379447849477408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166014470661536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704067898662927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24133925765835604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18443092251302054,0.2369385846712763,0.2681764305746004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012509859986306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22891720731602325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976684450967925,0.14130323861649338,0.0,0.19216676139213668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Woahmary,2020/02/29,"My toxic trait Finding someone I get along with really well, spam them with a million texts and oversharing, feeling like they think I’m annoying and overwhelming, and never talking to them again out of the shame/fear of rejection. ☠️",6.54829457364341,8.115704139534888,6.465116279069767,74.2401550387597,65.74418604651163,10.38449612403101,35.26356589147287,10.504223727775694,4.128742635658915,190,9,31,5,3,60,37,43,0.19,0.6759999999999999,0.135,-0.5552,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,3,0,2,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,11,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,5,2,7,4,0,3,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4263068973299967,0.1915558406092128,0.2706475450099982,0.0,0.0,0.3462582359459406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197931316004624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18508494201373585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921892682270953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426983470974931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32099485227419816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30450193713588786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427491182390095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34062790924803266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Red-_-Haze,2020/02/29,"Hello Guys,it’s a negative you don’t I have to read it I just wanted to vent having BPD is so fucking exhausting took a while until I got the right diagnosis went through the process of Depression-Bipolar-Schizophreni—OCD-General Anxiety Disordered I have mix symptoms of these mental health issues I lost my overseas scholarship 2 years ago a few weeks ago my friends just graduated I lost touch with all of them a long time ago just got in touch with one of them because I had mood swing or whatever and my opinion feeling views changed so I got back in touch with him 2 months ago I don’t know if feel happy for them or if I envious them this also changes a lot, I’m home back now trying to work my way out of university in the first semester I did not bad the second semester I had to take it off and now I have exams next week and I can’t even study I just don’t know what to do anymore. Emotions/Opinions/Believes/Views changes a lot sometimes very fast every time I’m a completely different person each time it change it’s so painful and exhausting specially in relationships I wonder if it would be easy if I had no one in my life so I don’t have to through the changes I don’t know even what is true just holy fuck u think I tried everything there is to help myself some doesn’t work at all and some works a bit for months or 2 and don’t know if they actually work or that is just my Mental heath issue slowing down",3.849285714285713,4.905240595238098,4.760476190476194,85.86785714285716,71.61904761904762,8.457142857142857,28.965986394557824,8.841846274778883,2.0862761904761906,1141,44,243,21,21,371,156,294,0.102,0.826,0.07200000000000001,-0.7983,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,5,7,18,14,3,0,13,0,24,8,0,0,3,45,45,22,0,7,16,0,5,0,1,1,6,0,1,1,10,11,0,0,8,1,1,2,11,9,0,4,11,6,34,4,29,32,9,36,0,2,1,2,12,10,2,15,23,159,44,8,0.0,0.0,0.08583560071853405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118824934870085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034103042898518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728863330876629,0.0,0.08723200262960483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527056381932434,0.07344235187619062,0.05361918049236671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602878798992263,0.0,0.1107816749344996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4652464481921934,0.0,0.09222366566234312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918987603791899,0.10080899256469404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161925926870093,0.0,0.07410951443693381,0.0,0.07905215842754157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894974256522968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481814628012312,0.0,0.0,0.06795714664649803,0.16263393410114807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21104729233177694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936343237550958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349663602668737,0.0,0.0,0.058957273067324636,0.0,0.08823036220342845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18361333941041802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933605512652884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621282636860376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784122364608109,0.0,0.0,0.1920359601948083,0.1495597240687534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728459750175035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041656811653158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935457267224678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920701311244244,0.0,0.09359491009471586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680267892785986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798311554110451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944353837733221,0.0,0.075116772275147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699400917822556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142340470876728,0.06613445632996091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05636077580987608,0.0,0.0,0.15386934740982236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772603263249713,0.11943719877582355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725756446585231,0.05188068146085464,0.06981800809505598,0.14111130973024705,0.0,0.0,0.08153916391595051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538812231530094,0.256141708367102,0.0,0.0,0.062483771925420976,0.0,0.0,0.05664291339191544 bpd,throwawaygeenee,2020/02/29,"I think I'm having parental transference on my ex-boyfriend? Backstory first, but I'll keep this short: I've been with a guy for a while, then I left him. He knows I sometimes see other guys, but he still loves me and I kinda love him too (not as much tho, but he knows that too). We used to live together. I had stuff going on and now I'm homeless, so he asked me to stay with him and I accepted. This being said, it's been a while now and I think I developed a parental transference on him...?! Is that even possible?",0.3836111111111116,2.5256171759259267,2.0144444444444467,96.65000000000002,85.57407407407408,6.192592592592592,20.11111111111111,7.492282038375204,0.4789666666666674,397,12,94,7,12,129,67,108,0.0,0.862,0.138,0.9422,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,4,0,6,2,0,1,0,19,20,13,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,7,7,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,2,16,3,9,15,1,14,0,0,1,2,17,5,0,1,7,63,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17595567498629805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431427277458836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600956348432727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696695665516076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727250032871443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167294194287638,0.0,0.0,0.20687615069050186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20449621462222067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619734723320365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397428821439528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835972622941795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179811032572252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121842015859188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17903562394525094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998303543056662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861495080993417,0.0,0.0,0.2006122123485808,0.1503087909417837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154612149293527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24120122275573244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255738204153178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Zedevile,2020/02/29,"How to make the home suicide-proof? My younger brother was just diagnosed with BPD yesterday. He's 21. He's been in an inpatient care facility for about 20 days now and it appears that that has made his situation worse. We're bringing him back home but he is still extremely suicidal and constantly threatening self-harm. We're trying to figure out how to make the home suicide-proof and I can't find any solid guides online. We are on the 19th floor, so balcony doors will be fitted with bolted locks. The house door as well. And of course, the knives, toiletries, and medication will be put away. But our house is filled with glass stuff - he could break it and use it as a weapon. I dunno, maybe we're also just overly worried and he will probably be pretty sedated so hopefully he doesn't break shit and hurt himself but... We're just trying to prepare the house. Thank you in advance for any advice. This is the scariest situation our family has been in and we have no experience with this disorder. We're also in a country where the therapy options are limited and we're trying our best to manage it. If you have any questions about the background of the situation I would be happy to answer!! Thank you again",4.022068965517242,6.18173982758621,4.7521034482758635,81.65324137931036,73.13793103448276,8.088275862068969,27.11724137931035,8.841846274778883,2.2222355172413795,968,36,179,20,20,311,135,232,0.133,0.738,0.13,0.3218,0,0,0,0,0,2,28.0,5,3,0,3,17,10,2,0,13,0,23,3,1,6,0,41,33,22,1,4,7,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,5,0,9,17,0,1,4,0,0,5,3,3,1,0,4,0,15,7,26,20,1,25,0,1,0,0,19,11,1,6,7,117,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711582246851713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17532030100009904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236286179802846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298816331010786,0.0842882021368734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503558998313165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805794766128654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176116800772053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184563256829431,0.0,0.08751973092776281,0.0,0.0,0.07069347339010602,0.0,0.0,0.11125828150855116,0.0,0.0,0.12562982666142533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722581792267304,0.10333653329036076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018735232738732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668863623811546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298623910791921,0.10887376278798312,0.0,0.3794476299744048,0.1173465631321806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372163487621508,0.1463395212867667,0.0,0.11012435074299873,0.0,0.0,0.11042693411202356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151922938890817,0.11818495846315866,0.0,0.0,0.11019470171418044,0.12279539188784208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435375297595475,0.0,0.1125196016384915,0.0,0.3696400893865712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753975372241349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548448812253954,0.11990248861882667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018400038244052,0.12535584224646024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22326690601788665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467332616085976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855825743218412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113207179902875,0.11170841907573224,0.07786830555919959,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,justanotherdogowner,2020/02/29,"Struggling with vocalizing what I think and feel Even when I sit down to write this I'm struggling on how to express my thoughts. I don't even know if this will make sense.. But it feels like when something upsets me or stresses me out and I try to tell someone how I'm feeling or how something is effecting me all they hear the emotion. Like, just now I was feeling very suffocated by someone in my life, when I tried to explain, the response was ""when you get frustrated and snap I now have to be the calm one and take it"". And I have no idea what that means?? Isn't that how every conversation goes to an extent? I have been working very hard on controlling myself and being more mindful, so I thought I was expressing myself well but obliviously I'm not if they aren't able to hear my words because they are being bombarded by emotion. (Which I didn't even realize I was doing) I try walking away and processing to then return, I try thinking through what I said and how I said it but then I find myself feeling OVERLY frustrated and sad and shutting down. I don't trust myself when I start feeling that way so I do the worst thing possible and just agree.. ""yes. you're right. I was too much and used a poor choice of words"" and that's it. I swallow it. And then I just feel completely alone. I feel like no one listens to me because they are expecting me to loose my shit, they are expecting me to be the weak one and they have to carry me. I feel misunderstood and lonely. I don't feel like I can properly state how I feel, ever. It's not healthy.. and part of me wonders if that response from the person I was speaking to is fair or not. They have said I have improved so much, and I have talked to them about trusting me to show them I have changed and in these moments it makes me think I'm right back where I was. I fear I will never be good enough, never be ""level"" enough, never be self-less and will always feel alone. Thank you for reading. Much love to you all.",2.834756060606061,4.483869515000002,3.7102727272727294,90.05096969696972,75.1,6.6484848484848476,25.87121212121212,7.348242739294969,1.1162166666666669,1546,55,329,18,33,494,177,400,0.166,0.741,0.092,-0.9872,0,4,2,0,0,0,46.0,0,3,9,3,28,23,3,5,8,1,40,5,1,11,6,84,79,46,0,5,15,0,13,4,0,3,2,7,0,1,20,22,1,1,25,2,1,1,14,12,1,3,14,20,66,11,34,55,11,36,0,2,0,1,28,14,1,7,22,248,86,2,0.08034037749720392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16641680339395995,0.0,0.0,0.06684963001112787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754824293021284,0.06177679117980369,0.0,0.09794949685974294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498946663814694,0.0,0.08423535726617125,0.0,0.09010856484407363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18074422233034668,0.0,0.16602617258247213,0.0,0.15919218488627154,0.07267247101963649,0.06769023309346289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040526063884807,0.48747010584999,0.17218554521030682,0.0,0.0,0.07342964954378622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041974531315492135,0.0,0.0,0.06738569692126198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196919777914285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810988888002644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069450712998424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04415297039007756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05674678457350864,0.15700100118366528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251032738898631,0.0,0.10725565166527788,0.0,0.0,0.08751422368317875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112087880500027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17717826462827374,0.0,0.18589035585903585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332215705225245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700079971683815,0.0,0.0,0.07015011875773826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905717042645598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036211874434253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372204868204948,0.22926629028350326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381253531485587,0.0,0.08246824297863277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614428227800332,0.12369989534612635,0.0,0.0,0.05686533270217456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202963098124588,0.1679784126523713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060405965394552286,0.06457455219284122,0.07022103107803616,0.07396662552929373,0.0,0.0,0.05337457692275857,0.15443660969384,0.0,0.1275625712510588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181833705588708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938829103318006,0.0,0.13257845072036933,0.0,0.06377045212052196,0.0,0.0,0.07223564786144372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712571230466172,0.058488751667242336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Piersonwithak,2020/02/29,"My friend told me she wishes she could love someone with the same intensity I love my boyfriend But really the intensity of my love for him scares me because it makes me feel trapped and scared. I know he will leave me someday, and I'm scared of what it'll change in me. I'm afraid of the new person I'll become when he leaves. I almost told her ""it's the bpd"" but decided not to. Idk why I'm posting this, just needed a corner of the internet where I could be anonymous I guess. I dont even get what reddit is.",2.058055555555555,3.5652583240740765,3.5122222222222237,91.255,76.87037037037038,6.651851851851853,22.185185185185183,7.3871296695380915,0.5929740740740739,401,11,91,5,9,132,70,108,0.085,0.794,0.121,0.5781,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,4,6,0,7,3,0,1,0,18,22,5,0,4,4,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,1,18,4,8,15,1,6,0,0,0,3,13,3,0,2,2,54,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154281951542706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225404121382984,0.16714057058965354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906045021818147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009519210097148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416616359602799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17736662645647822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995710617038528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652087500423906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692311128091215,0.0,0.07906768826909859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671550952595154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317122763605207,0.0,0.0,0.3204894899980619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4097644773581981,0.0,0.10101907234208014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221496744589056,0.0,0.14616286829122324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214221929691752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14493965779483944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695078898622476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4545462372926676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822791980531634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892192652820873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655871143278334,0.0,0.17403085599761342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,complicatingmatters,2020/02/29,"I have mentioned I might have BPD to my therapist-she refuses to believe I might. Says I’m not “extreme” enough, whatever that even means. But in reading your posts and your experiences, I’ve never felt anything more “me” in my life. The main emotions/triggers for me that dictates how I feel about any given second is shame and abandonment. I’m ridiculously disappointed to behave like I do but also know I can’t help it all that much. I was diagnosed with major depression and severe generalized anxiety back in the fall when I had a week inpatient at a local psych hospital. I get absolutely nutty, off the deep end when I feel friends pulling away. I obsessively check Facebook to see if they have liked or loved my post. I leap and glow with ooey gooey love and acceptance when they text me out of the blue. It’s like my mood is cured. When they go silent, I obsessively try to get them back... My friend actually said to me the other day, “I’ve noticed when you text me and you don’t think I’ve answered in the appropriate amount of time that you also message me on Facebook. I’ve wondered if you had done so because you could tell when I read it on messenger and wanted to know whether I was ignoring you or not.” I made up some lame excuse, of course, but BINGO. And then of course her getting back to me has the power to govern the course of my day, sets the tone for how I feel about myself, and has at times made me ragey and suicidal. Because the feelings feel “silly” after the fact, I thing I minimize it a bit when talking to my therapist. This all makes so much sense. If you have been diagnosed with BPD, what medications are working for you? I’m currently on Buspirone 2 x a day at 10mg and Pristiq 50mg. I also take Hydroxyxine 25mg as needed. Pretty much always needed. Lately that cocktail is not the miracle it was... I’m feeling huge amounts of anxiety begin to seep in and wake up with a heavy feeling in my heart. My anxiety feels a lot like heartbreak. Does anyone get that? It feels like that feeling you get when you overhear your best friend saying she’s tired of you or that your boyfriend likes another girl. Anyhow, friends, thanks for sharing your experiences. I’m tired of feeling this way and don’t want to anymore. I deleted the Facebook app off my phone because it hurt too much to not be acknowledged by the one person (I’m assuming this would be my FP if I did have BPD) I wanted see it.",3.895442801291857,5.472876821802938,4.849577879766558,83.25539010708825,72.1865828092243,8.09176723893705,28.615162332143463,8.685302888712808,2.1551784123746383,1912,75,377,35,37,623,236,477,0.115,0.721,0.16399999999999998,0.9793,2,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,0,16,4,3,22,29,1,3,20,0,29,10,2,5,4,79,75,41,1,11,15,0,12,6,4,3,6,3,0,2,22,18,1,3,21,3,1,3,8,11,0,2,13,19,65,17,52,56,16,52,0,6,4,2,43,21,0,14,30,252,87,5,0.0,0.0,0.07021001389381615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726082656514111,0.05986577019238905,0.0,0.0,0.04892651105105315,0.07544283201936823,0.16511805730804233,0.0,0.07135221359600173,0.05030710150135838,0.0,0.059206352226138924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759669074327361,0.16596869047941068,0.0,0.1315748958181834,0.0,0.0,0.08105977037054696,0.07550406717270379,0.0,0.07854762455833768,0.0,0.27184464969854805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057443923605518525,0.0,0.0,0.13919982757425778,0.0,0.06196795191755417,0.1460496314535883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629614124880668,0.07362688669634236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372379625189764,0.07434061110053784,0.0,0.04752039642423072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075618441681872,0.0,0.0,0.4001649006930305,0.05139903929807619,0.06908052123311531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22234467611546596,0.0,0.18794701221593896,0.0,0.04088920822280519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525768758350254,0.04822464020228588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702088359365401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908051482839151,0.0,0.08115948893668154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05081838095243274,0.2108983816800125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06116687142002575,0.1298701756560615,0.13615621544784126,0.04802526351574137,0.0,0.0,0.07837150935181546,0.0,0.07247915755543625,0.0,0.15264905633278078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21155765602206805,0.10669576065299792,0.055490056928193435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191227679808459,0.0,0.0,0.04875323278921095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282145298067454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781091229797388,0.07319608990628887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393318652987178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843819003280972,0.11443048047049917,0.0,0.0,0.11466508457147782,0.0,0.0,0.08127977045280797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869847545596763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05409528283040172,0.0578283724413966,0.06288495700710008,0.06623924478125151,0.0,0.16707231107043996,0.047798471818646736,0.0461008115461726,0.0,0.0,0.08390589241947932,0.1653852688864507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04884737402250377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730883231533338,0.0571082776535401,0.057711642569048725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802358621597227,0.052378362686046016,0.0,0.0,0.05110917216514088,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,unic0rnamz,2020/02/29,"Hi I'm from the UK, and wanted to know if anyone had steps to being diagnosed? Ive only recently realised i show quite severe signs of bpd. My ex is my fp and everytime we have gone through a breakup i will do something that severely harms myself or will harm him for a reaction and to get back together.",4.62822580645161,5.145889080645162,6.061451612903228,79.21217741935486,69.48387096774194,10.070967741935485,31.62903225806452,10.125756701596842,3.1495032258064515,241,10,48,6,4,82,52,62,0.195,0.805,0.0,-0.9117,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,0,9,13,5,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,8,0,7,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19391592925390652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21325003084968625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492880480474064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814846130595342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489373641757128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241358636425126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21092233723600898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949751170365901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738304048515105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6266090371545213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21350256297617748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357671040400426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,smashleyrenee,2020/02/29,I’m trying. I’ve not been diagnosed officially but my therapist is coaching me in DBT and mindfulness. I’ve tried so many therapists and so many didn’t have a clue but this one kinda got me and i can honestly say i bailed 3 times now out of fear but he accepted me back and he’s still working with me and he’s now coaching me to be better. That’s all I want. I’m so sick of being a horrible person. 99% of the time I’m the best- to everyone. Like my friends love me even when I hate myself. And I have a ton of friends who love me and I love right back. I normally isolate when my problems come up. My partners get the brunt of it cuz I always jump the gun and think they’re the one. I’m pretty sure my current partner who is amazing is gonna leave me cuz I’ve done and said horrible things. We’ve been together 3 years and I have been horrible at times. I hate myself. But this is the first time i truly am trying. I really don’t want to lose him. Idk if I’m writing this for me or for you. But I’m sorry anyway.,0.17811398354876573,2.0841270855855853,2.738311790050922,92.62182726204466,84.45045045045045,6.383392087739915,20.913435174304734,7.586124646067393,0.6946993341167254,791,25,185,14,23,274,119,222,0.184,0.579,0.23600000000000002,0.9528,1,0,0,1,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,5,12,17,2,1,9,0,17,5,0,2,2,34,36,24,0,5,8,0,0,1,4,1,2,2,0,3,8,13,0,0,2,2,0,2,3,5,0,3,7,2,30,12,15,26,3,21,0,1,0,3,18,5,0,3,15,117,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524432015419766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19451585260663373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327365236082494,0.11186428765166297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895424843870943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837798730148284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943643104439378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354109199720867,0.0,0.0,0.12086030785600335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232898809933267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758671438350983,0.0,0.0,0.19544152027507425,0.0,0.0660823554499059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116032847833444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497523407017661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392765654113667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06179339971796673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150257002824174,0.0,0.0,0.3424686169067135,0.0,0.0,0.2564686280057957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277121763983159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392687583064692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141684885137135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044042511776693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867908815632792,0.0,0.12102753067106585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102850404746717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801613145986773,0.12031467664141993,0.1005846753773742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415878095796673,0.0,0.0,0.10100980564657726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920910647542095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937139493685913,0.08402994991623107,0.08104545475889581,0.0,0.0,0.2950139479118241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576217755385935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920637133811748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208142071784008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145116188965093 bpd,ThisNerdyPotato,2020/02/29,"How the heck does anybody navigate life? I'm exhausted all the time. I'm tired of going through a day where every emotion feels like a sledgehammer smashing into my already fragile mind. I'm trying to use my coping strategies, trying to talk to friends, yet none of them will ever know how it truly feels to be stuck inside a broken vessel. I can't express to them how utterly empty and painful life feels for me right now. Every action like pouring acid into a fresh wound. There's no logical reason to feel like this, yet I do. I'm just not sure how to deal with life right now. My apologies if I'm annoying or dramatic. I just need to hear from people who might understand. Hell, I just need to hear from anybody at this point.",3.508125,5.375490229166669,4.413611111111114,84.7925,73.79166666666666,7.022222222222222,26.583333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.6226499999999997,579,21,109,8,12,187,94,144,0.174,0.7240000000000001,0.10099999999999999,-0.8865,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,0,14,9,2,0,6,0,5,7,0,6,3,30,23,7,0,3,6,0,5,3,1,2,7,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,8,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,1,8,10,5,19,19,2,16,1,0,0,0,10,7,2,3,10,65,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642254423127013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597592901419473,0.15342583120475198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023249010199833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674013192243359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13461528521497754,0.25077281414258423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009893861782525,0.21263261455284613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497717287127104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457725445985352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335459606999958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178701809303746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31534573476929084,0.21811630583951194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15787341748174827,0.15026474377449014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22069477230677328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835388460038838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317234095628004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068203630184212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15301069465726902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541811873396702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026012511326413,0.0,0.0,0.11961505696868292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677754256299637,0.1710455225043852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20207663400499606,0.0,0.0,0.15492580398246472,0.0,0.12853181482555465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,isnakdnjrkqnakdii,2020/02/29,"Why are posts on this sub more ignored now? Hey, sorry if this comes across as entitled, it’s not intended to. I’m just feeling really down because this used to be somewhere I came for advice and solace, but now I feel like my posts amongst many others go ignored. I was active on this sub last year and, I swear, no matter what post people put up, there’d generally be a good collection of replies after half an hour-ish. Now it seems a lot more quiet. Is there a specific reason for this? Has anyone else actually noticed this or is it just me?",2.5143119266055045,4.5726219449541325,4.033477064220183,85.55865596330277,77.25688073394495,6.928807339449541,23.74403669724771,7.908726449838941,1.3060121100917437,428,14,85,7,10,142,82,109,0.09300000000000001,0.773,0.134,0.6912,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,3,0,21,15,6,0,1,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,11,4,0,2,4,0,0,4,2,2,0,1,2,3,6,2,12,11,3,18,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,4,7,57,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.1802343144539528,0.0,0.0,0.18048045158705994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914206177163773,0.18924042266712016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258750631121024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21124027924458227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909718535873368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428780619651158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18677327050660564,0.13194514710524038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496563102448432,0.15491223172430685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18188599556303564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054993742114287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023196534099397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15701989682489448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872503249448393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21027489150469333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804328943888418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5306562538186622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18566808403793025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183194516277413,0.18989578487462705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16813811984304128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20674936781290545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595159731307017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16665724973123874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893662511133478 bpd,QuetiaQueen,2020/02/29,"Advice Needed I have been diagnosed with BPD for a while but no one has ever actually explained what this means or how to deal with the symptoms of BPD. People in therapy seem more concerned with helping me to deal with my depression and anxiety. So I always feel lost when it comes to actually dealing with whatever else is going on outside of my Depression and anxiety. I just never know what to do or how to deal with everything that is going on. I struggle a lot with feeling paranoid or feeling that things happening currently have happened before and I think I'm stuck in a loop of just watching the same things happening over and over again and knowing how things are going to end. Does anyone else ever feel this way? As of the past 6 months my sex life as been all over the place where I either have no interest in sex and I just don't want to have any or feeling like I want to have a lot of sex. A few times after sex I will find myself getting upset and confused or feeling very dissociated. I'm not sure why this has suddenly started to happen when it has never happened before.",6.678816199376946,6.4991152149532745,7.245373831775701,74.87996105919004,65.07476635514018,10.12398753894081,34.18847352024922,9.725611199111238,3.2298641744548293,872,35,160,16,12,288,115,214,0.182,0.7440000000000001,0.075,-0.9753,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,13,9,0,3,9,0,16,7,0,3,6,55,46,22,0,3,11,0,6,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,12,15,0,0,13,0,0,4,6,6,0,1,4,7,14,3,33,41,7,31,0,3,1,4,6,10,0,9,17,124,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.18558429898199894,0.0,0.0,0.0929188711628396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912081466736838,0.0,0.0,0.06466308544516935,0.0,0.14548408512935085,0.0,0.0,0.06648772481419607,0.09742886998554133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618257306828673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395199580438367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190987300132899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921261182531026,0.16379827147395584,0.0965122956352269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321212994763055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886760765395494,0.0,0.0842197245094247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17202503918143516,0.0,0.0,0.08545894292099608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884760311644152,0.06793087016695372,0.0,0.0,0.08690868882410586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04967954366254346,0.0,0.16212206684864325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42042992260861656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373546698862431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451573140092506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716345063483925,0.04645518275559743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379976010464742,0.1616807962832116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357868355655517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758983164946203,0.0,0.0,0.07050653050391212,0.14667542056129704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443407448954244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077223400809788,0.06592203094582069,0.0,0.0993466981038094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656452351417866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730375993072882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940659995705756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961929352847998,0.09883281721916468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874138933705688,0.0,0.18951668130183244,0.060928536534951686,0.0,0.0,0.05544656439136378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845753990401325,0.11217070561658128,0.07547641060454956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580210975735636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tomatocrisps,2020/02/29,DAE spiral more during the weekend? Having free time means that I spend a lot of time alone with my thoughts and I think of negative stuff and I spiralllllllll.,2.5730000000000004,5.5375846333333385,4.641666666666668,75.14250000000001,86.0,5.666666666666668,20.833333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.7823333333333333,129,4,24,2,4,44,25,30,0.17800000000000002,0.7190000000000001,0.10300000000000001,-0.34,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,3,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003230654810581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32860951547131084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4210387603120693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4424783571544085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24766944905510116,0.0,0.3068574718562536,0.4507713736708462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wellshitdawg,2020/02/29,"Not sure if this is the place for this but had a pretty lame experience with my psychiatrist today To preface this, I referred a friend to my psychiatrist, who I am no longer friends with. So present day: I got a new phone number and missed an appointment. Currently planning wedding with my fp (I have no clue how I managed to find someone so understanding and patient), and the only opportunity I found to reschedule and my doctor sounded awkward on the phone and told me to text the number as he was busy. Well I ran out of a medicine that requires a build up after abstaining (lamictal) and needed a refill to go to a bridal shower for me out of town over the weekend. I call my psychiatrist to ask for a refill and this how the conversation went: Me: “Hi Dr. _____! This is [first name] [last name]. I got a new number.” Psych: “Oh well hello [first name] [last name]. How are you?” M: “I’m great! I just—“ P: “that’s not what I heard.” M: “pardon?” P: “Yep, I heard you weren’t doing well.” Me: “what? We’re you gossiping about me other patients?” P: “let’s just say I have my ear to the ground in the community.” M: “so you broke my anonymity as a patient?” P: “oh uh—“ M: “listen I just need my meds filled for my bridal shower 3 hours away over the weekend. Just let me know if I need to go elsewhere somehow because I need to leave now.” P: “I’ll refill it now but I need to see you ASAP.” Firstly, I feel like this isn’t legal but I know very little. Secondly, I feel really betrayed and almost abandoned. I’m honestly not sure what this old friend must have said to our doctor that prompted this kind of response as we haven’t spoken. This makes me feel like I shouldn’t trust others, and this is something I’ve been working on. I’m open to advice but mostly just venting. Feeling sort of blue. TL;DR I think my psych has been talking about me with other patients",0.6714945370902825,3.117966856756759,2.5012938470385286,91.15106095457159,88.54054054054055,4.878665899942495,20.845313398504885,6.462258747201003,0.3622823461759633,1427,48,294,16,47,471,184,370,0.092,0.746,0.162,0.9814,4,0,1,0,0,0,61.0,2,5,0,7,18,21,0,1,20,1,21,4,1,4,3,65,53,24,0,9,13,0,4,2,3,2,3,7,2,0,21,17,0,3,11,2,0,5,9,6,3,4,14,13,47,15,41,35,1,37,0,4,2,0,32,14,0,6,20,191,68,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014932573169528,0.0,0.0,0.10400331582217244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709744041368336,0.0,0.09758226113145242,0.0,0.0,0.06331363118961185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605525049569904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669827362574749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21261539062725607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159747905259438,0.0,0.0,0.2100640533283648,0.1483988171474134,0.0,0.0,0.09492846617180534,0.26503623198108245,0.0,0.11387989770794785,0.2407317873920472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180549328785936,0.0,0.16613669844211285,0.1145088004192256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228366555878493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815683693468196,0.11416025494061162,0.16932364035408615,0.0,0.10997541735246064,0.0,0.21241293731605734,0.0,0.10148396677908657,0.10409753565962092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932904190677741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536785108414185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3850637310486914,0.0,0.20062214760124852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089862483729422,0.0,0.0,0.07899213044559716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851423255636783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566552712120003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653699303197051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879704550196712,0.08259564857308463,0.0,0.0,0.08276498525504701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800238033960363,0.07995844596683292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957784011970896,0.0,0.0,0.08348076330859103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655091220006416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844952932195833,0.09924509351605236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081245513768342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569746044351066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801546499411467,0.09628160117849513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561315515695227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,louietheblondepom,2020/02/29,"Am i cruel if i want to cut tie with my sister? I hope this is a sub for this cause i want to help her but im tired and drained. My therapist seems to assumed my sister is probably suffering from BPD. When she explained and look it up this fit perfectly well, and there was one day a long time ago where my sister suspected herself to have it. Shes been abusing alcohol since she was 17 and changed since then, she would have series of break down, said awful things like wishing me dead and get very physical with me for years. I always thought if she wouldve stopped her alcohol intake she would get better, but the break down still happens even when she hasnt drank for weeks. One day she said that she wanted to end it all and i sent her to a therapist, she said it was useless. I offered to pay for her to see a psychiatrist to see if she could get medical help and she refused. She told me how her life is a mess, and how she needs professional help but she never seek one. From last september she has been sending me awful text because i dont wanna lend her money anymore. Shes always been irresponsible with her finance..and everytime i tried to refuse she would guilt trip me and threaten to kill herself. Last week i just found out she left her dog at the pet hotel for 4 months cause she couldnt pay but somehow she got some for her alcohol, and holidays. I do love her and we did have wonderful times we have spent together...but this gets to the point that i get anxious everytime i get a text from her and how i keep taking responsibilities for her bad choices. This doesnt help since i am kind of well known by people in the city and they always text me about things she done. Ever since she got herself into street punk lifestyle, she always seem to hate everything and the world. She always jumps for one job to another without notice She also got herself involved with an older man since shes 15 whos still upporting her financially to this day. Shes very smart with lots of talents and potential. I feel like theres no way for her to get better unless she completely turn her life 360. Leave her sugar daddy, her friends who seems to influence her with drugs and alcohol, and her long distance bf whom she never met for almost 7 years thats also sufferin with mental illness. I also wanna say that i never gotten physical or wish her dead when i upset with her. I went to a therapist in the first for my own insecurity & clingy problems. Our mum died when she was 11 and our dad is a disabled veteran. I feel sorry for her to feel this way about her life but im tired. My therapist said someone with BPD will most likely to not seek help or change if not on their own terms. I dont know what else can i do? She has hurt me so much but i love her, i still offer her to pls go to the therapist and shes not listening. If i keep helping her when shes in deep shit i feel like i enable her. I dont want this to effect my own mental health.",3.992665398938279,4.936744953410984,4.892877347278346,85.4699015529673,71.17970049916805,8.119816179383568,26.289557087394037,8.418075326091056,1.5698152761270898,2331,72,489,36,42,759,265,601,0.18100000000000002,0.6809999999999999,0.138,-0.9864,1,0,5,0,0,0,46.0,4,0,2,6,26,30,5,3,16,2,41,18,1,7,6,105,96,46,4,21,19,5,4,4,2,4,13,6,1,1,21,32,6,5,16,2,4,6,14,14,2,5,25,14,114,16,67,65,9,60,0,3,3,2,106,17,1,18,37,330,135,4,0.0,0.06543745284710728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04895726517319037,0.23609244835134197,0.055303966225636166,0.0,0.0,0.1325000749134024,0.2297751792274971,0.059840707211154615,0.0,0.0,0.057912527285530986,0.0,0.06239316311590067,0.05477242709685977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04611399191465285,0.033667146987117445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769130232076266,0.0,0.0,0.13911823714015278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134709993375872,0.11685013021600188,0.0,0.05790666099394973,0.0,0.0,0.044095942638241466,0.0,0.0,0.10685460230954516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057319086666903864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056518544845399775,0.1941842830390034,0.0,0.06404822238748396,0.0,0.046136826542543655,0.0,0.04891659009073533,0.0,0.0,0.03647829993750752,0.049957883239331126,0.0,0.0,0.04963635424841725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170197044828654,0.0789113607250515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04697784458819088,0.0,0.060555857924642985,0.04266986596892237,0.0,0.20198447824113155,0.0,0.03138797051360736,0.0,0.1325152705975916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04883891108863415,0.0,0.0,0.05452730253105858,0.0,0.05870595109821985,0.0,0.0,0.22211341092016298,0.0,0.0,0.05485495839413605,0.0,0.0,0.05912389425582627,0.0,0.11931381159086744,0.0,0.054806360159047926,0.09818032412245392,0.061102816722883466,0.0575126091857938,0.03035246921521525,0.09003817631502645,0.0,0.05847964287321392,0.060006579185002025,0.0,0.1170298407975478,0.10792859490731092,0.0,0.0,0.09775203179477086,0.04637853453335404,0.0,0.0,0.04695380615050869,0.09969283880180277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055637508259020564,0.11131588636445293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04408334102456919,0.0,0.04059974353725086,0.040951678142735294,0.12778826098831994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287869686375494,0.0,0.0,0.14969867109114746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0382889042265226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05220935150280247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059546311372870336,0.05284679023183637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101420872763592,0.04392039737348992,0.0,0.0,0.08802088496941124,0.1508354962382608,0.0,0.0,0.05669187789921298,0.22843041287178825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04679543754545812,0.0,0.0,0.061824456227055014,0.0,0.0,0.13231809277026088,0.04617400093153185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04152541015599575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32062621174665035,0.07338352045674554,0.0,0.0,0.04384573656885357,0.06440906517019977,0.12695545276657366,0.0,0.05277377222526725,0.0,0.03749693383963287,0.060073401802021566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911395837820069,0.13030221741513345,0.08767657839226528,0.0886029059490981,0.0,0.09931518801952788,0.05119792938938665,0.0,0.0,0.127021479646296,0.05323888193253931,0.059893603470339486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769950497595626,0.0,0.0,0.07113145980348072 bpd,Phoenix3245,2020/02/29,"Not diagnosed with BPD, but with severe depression and can relate to almost every single post and comment over here. I just wonder if I should bring this up to my therapist, I have only gone twice so far so I haven't even said half of the things yet. I just don't know if I should bring it up directly, would that seem weird or as if I'm TRYING to get a diagnosis? I just want to know exactly what's up because I know something isn't alright, something or some things more than just depression and anxiety. I seriously can't seem to maintain any kind of relationship, I either isolate myself and push people away that way, or I just act kinda strange, all the while I'm literally terrified they'll leave and still end up doing what will make them leave. It makes no sense, I don't know why, but it's like that every time I get close with someone. Something which I tend to do too fast as well. I am also completely ruled by my current mood, which can switch whenever, in a second, due to something small or nothing at all. I also switch between being incredibly empathetic to just completely cold. Idk what to do at this point. This became a ranty post, but perhaps someone can make something out of it.",6.038147699757872,6.212568601694915,6.534285714285716,78.23940677966104,66.37288135593221,9.624213075060533,31.26392251815981,9.424239791934726,2.6564380145278452,954,34,184,17,14,311,137,236,0.162,0.7909999999999999,0.047,-0.9758,1,0,5,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,2,0,17,9,0,0,5,1,19,1,0,3,3,48,39,22,0,7,18,0,0,1,0,5,1,1,0,0,17,10,0,0,7,0,0,5,7,4,1,3,2,2,21,4,30,31,6,30,0,2,0,0,5,14,0,13,9,134,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535061002655908,0.0,0.0,0.18424193311884451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833618172444266,0.0,0.08812344517932759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822898539629368,0.0,0.0,0.0702214724884889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508338745962646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415583953961313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984336360072648,0.11691995019221695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202809838925887,0.0,0.0,0.07608485317953129,0.0,0.19411259856570454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203686998089918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995730155652301,0.25323144640316697,0.0,0.0,0.2439485968163199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05627819355249365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306795859329345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053218940121687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876105762798634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986133294234762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889599708578657,0.0,0.22064889642591706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367573772453087,0.0,0.0,0.10957630896075764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097374165866709,0.0,0.13013694890420965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952077811311172,0.4434116088577407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199444307682267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337496445176718,0.15306015876051582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671708149132615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820947551718609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794467599903173,0.09143599901430842,0.0,0.0,0.10357365217003636,0.0,0.10394508112348302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249234759909487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183083797527645,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WhoCaresAboutYou69,2020/02/29,"I just got broken up with, coping mechanisms? I got broken up with recently, they have broken up with me too many times to count and I just can’t cope in my own head. It is not the first time that someone has left me. I have friends but I recently moved away so feel really alone. Is there any coping mechanisms that anyone could suggest?",2.0551172707889087,4.4518737014925405,3.1130063965884887,89.79164179104478,80.6417910447761,6.8136460554371014,20.01918976545842,7.957251820313856,0.8889249466950973,266,7,54,5,7,85,48,67,0.145,0.825,0.03,-0.7779,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,0,1,0,7,1,1,0,0,10,10,3,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,1,9,1,9,7,1,12,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,5,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410668961016193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15828329307796218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274967333218215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186836253427812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18583817239926909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768934282575175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979836751228695,0.0,0.0,0.17982810738939525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3723153685571999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388766647048209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25289204267972343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359798875598445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24738471743671045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911061382393806,0.0,0.4596405164802079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972149379233428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27144590275285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Unleaked,2020/02/29,I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS IS A METAPHOR FOR BPD watch it omfgggg,-2.611666666666668,-1.5614569285714277,-1.1271428571428572,111.4554761904762,118.28571428571428,1.866666666666667,18.952380952380953,3.1291,-1.2783047619047614,49,2,13,0,3,15,14,14,0.16699999999999998,0.833,0.0,-0.2979,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lady_dont_be_shady,2020/02/29,"Do you ever get really excited and then lose that excitement almost immediately? Idk if this is a BPD thing or not but I find myself getting easily bored Like I’ll get super worked up and excited over something, and then once I’m doing said thing, I get bored of it almost immediately. It’s making me feel kind of empty.",2.2090476190476203,4.804448317460321,4.964444444444447,75.50000000000003,81.69841269841271,8.044444444444443,20.11111111111111,8.841846274778883,1.8332920634920635,256,7,46,7,7,91,48,63,0.14300000000000002,0.605,0.252,0.8843,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,3,1,9,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,13,11,8,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,5,6,4,10,0,5,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,4,4,29,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4452499597131153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800088027560817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011044326270546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241349679844566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20319975091415926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4646196385813113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23151582671751014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861608536879523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24872325031863704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484027353931759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367673877505661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242619686073904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114806637739313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115557597378922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954038539809689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185423522928258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thinkerbelle_,2020/02/29,"How do I validate BPD (fam) and not make them feel helpless or less able How do I show validation to a BPD and still manage to avoid making them feel helpless or less able? I think the main obstacle might be the fear of abandonment and the idea of being unlovable. They don't have anyone else, and I feel I need to help them along until they are fully able to manage this. Also, does trauma therapy help? I know about DBT, but want to hear about trauma therapy. So much to learn!",3.947819548872179,5.229018789473685,4.732330827067671,85.3063157894737,71.63157894736842,7.954887218045112,23.045112781954884,8.418075326091056,1.2289849624060154,375,9,76,6,7,121,60,95,0.2,0.732,0.068,-0.9072,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,5,0,7,8,0,2,4,0,8,0,0,4,0,25,18,12,0,2,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,2,7,1,0,0,2,8,0,0,0,4,11,0,12,15,4,2,0,3,0,0,8,0,0,3,2,53,12,3,0.4878004890737798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300312916249464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369381462889575,0.16660308221697204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095784264818527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229249840598396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358315718098414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829703889388514,0.2466465840404555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18326220114860992,0.0,0.2179749236220989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18355579229489946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893607972366885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21707374285974854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724930774783996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952982883762064,0.12056596058355128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985270023063333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.371894914326688,0.0,0.0,0.10418761895933676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590578897686283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lunar730,2020/02/29,"Boyfriend wants to join army Me and my bf have been together for almost 4 years and plan to get married eventually. Obviously this is something i dont really want. My biggest concern is him getting deployed, i cant even be alone for a day.. He wants to do this for our future since he didnt go to college and wants us to be financially stable. I also dont like it because this is a sudden change from what our plans had been and im worried about our marriage being rushed just so we can be together while he is in the army. He is 30 and im 28. I feel like this is something i can not handle, but he is pretty set on it :(",2.4399999999999977,3.5171890606060643,4.397393939393943,87.04609090909094,75.06060606060606,7.098181818181819,26.078787878787878,7.554174236665415,1.231282424242424,484,17,107,6,10,166,82,132,0.076,0.855,0.069,0.0234,0,1,2,0,0,0,11.0,5,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,3,0,22,0,0,0,1,16,30,9,0,4,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,4,1,14,2,12,22,0,11,0,0,0,0,13,3,0,1,7,70,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17894385247789546,0.1850809779497838,0.0,0.14290761571468852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893484491211222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890426120441834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524775706110753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41887392013184815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180307303101873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035690514418662,0.1276644683565928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18672843478345694,0.0,0.10156024510523937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38605681575862427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460916353127462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18180378527070046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448082949387435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782382129926097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751464652129945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21495603803379085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4216113664532761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814801628435515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507798010073908 bpd,AllyMicheleWithOneL,2020/02/29,"Do your parents support you? I’m new to this subreddit but I am so glad I found it. I got diagnosed with BPD a few days ago and just got started on Abilify meds to help me out. I was really proud of myself for finally going to seek help but my parents are not happy. For the record, I’m 21 and live four hours away with my husband. But when I told them I was going to go see a psychiatrist they got very upset. “Those people are gonna our ideas in your head and make you think things happened when they didn’t.” (My BPD comes from childhood abuse that they will never admit to.) They said a lot of hurtful things and I could feel the inner war between myself start to spiral out of control. When you guys told your family, were they supportive? If they weren’t, what did you do?",2.2295148247978456,4.04100503773585,3.4594115004492387,90.48863207547173,77.23899371069183,6.5554357592093435,21.420035938903855,7.447530270364453,0.6290715184186886,607,16,130,8,14,197,103,159,0.145,0.735,0.12,-0.7488,3,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,1,7,7,2,5,8,1,1,5,0,13,2,1,2,1,25,37,12,1,2,6,3,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,7,9,0,1,5,0,0,4,4,3,0,1,13,3,28,5,20,21,2,22,0,1,1,0,25,6,0,2,12,91,35,0,0.0,0.15222302163731258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388619989800915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070740753169333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236219855899604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067067628351927,0.0,0.0,0.14409673031579173,0.10257761172370347,0.0,0.0,0.08285637521892716,0.0,0.0,0.13040041006353664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111571500923883,0.0,0.06496131314970505,0.0,0.0,0.14073915058006115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086727508582186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21904757169297726,0.0,0.3082619207471679,0.0,0.0,0.12721141405457706,0.11361088025168427,0.1367650642171353,0.0,0.0,0.13185341550442836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722294755544921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265229557020402,0.0,0.1375361882684387,0.14503373744379985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344663957178963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922567946376026,0.0,0.0,0.08575871083731125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270784521082086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908859208843468,0.12408289708395588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853147319042642,0.0,0.0,0.0890690643194953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230499929720128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221007277407095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023787181061281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818719125064822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29158602747617485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17070745782861196,0.08232221704432152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455285993511768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600613433471526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,soul_buggie,2020/02/29,"Sometimes I feel like an imposter I never had any traumatic history. I had a happy childhood, have never been abused, and never dealt with something traumatic. And yet, I have BPD. I just don't get it. I feel so fake. I don't know why I'm like this though.",0.9281410256410254,3.2870165576923114,2.7669230769230784,90.66141025641028,85.34615384615384,5.7743589743589725,22.128205128205128,7.1686216300943375,0.8581051282051289,199,7,41,3,6,66,35,52,0.07200000000000001,0.614,0.314,0.9082,0,0,1,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,3,10,12,4,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,2,7,3,1,9,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,28,9,0,0.0,0.292999770885766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681665741723976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114547543845782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500758382612028,0.17666496483860475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919950550862708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632462031680977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359048394908371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416280906727154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5721789214343382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19037693583834914,0.24457743374573365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24296246140917485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231419480731968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,need_some_doughnuts,2020/02/29,"My husband said something to me and I don't know how to feel Back when my BPD wasn't treated, I was abusive towards my then-fiancé. I would hit him and was emotionally manipulative to him. He opened up to me that he wanted to cheat on me. I don't blame him. I think many people would do the same if they were in his place. I was a little hurt, but eventually I understand. But what I think that got me the most was he wished this certain girl was single, so he would've broken up with me and been with her. To give a backstory, he had always been in love with her until he met me. And even then, he still loves her platonically even though she treats him like crap. Am I in the right to feel hurt, or do I deserve this?",2.235640176600441,3.537140682119208,3.696307947019868,90.97417494481236,75.95364238410595,6.622737306843268,21.19260485651214,7.1686216300943375,0.2991982339955852,557,13,130,6,12,184,86,151,0.10099999999999999,0.769,0.13,0.6913,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,8,10,2,0,5,0,17,3,1,2,1,27,32,14,0,5,4,1,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,5,8,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,13,3,29,6,18,16,3,16,0,2,0,2,24,11,1,3,6,94,34,0,0.0,0.2013638942257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141267079500122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068166618763494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21404706914408828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19117176270268926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22450178637949028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17186445058233465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16303228274624898,0.0,0.0,0.13592517114141225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638716689342521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934005089535144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302937088498283,0.17033533809946694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067744445134433,0.0,0.0,0.17230342506033414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178224781869437,0.0,0.1775624021641744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513704508047615,0.16166211853306878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083642029915504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357229195080393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21779520636285446,0.16697578715543476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692476482678446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024137853539243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954350198475011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621844928128709,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,maisymo,2020/02/29,"Sometimes I’m just so mean I wanna die. I don’t know why I’m writing this, maybe to just get it off my chest, but I was recently just diagnosed with BPD (originally I thought I was bipolar, but this makes so much more sense). I have talked horribly about people with BPD because I thought my dad had it growing up, and now that I see the same characteristics in myself it makes me sick. I’m even worse sometimes. I’m so mean to my friends sometimes and it just makes me even more suicidal. I don’t deserve to be alive if I keep treating everyone like this, but the problem is, I can’t fucking help it. Thanks for listening.",3.8866666666666654,4.951906079365081,4.76047619047619,85.86785714285716,71.53968253968254,8.13968253968254,31.46031746031746,8.515128840125781,2.259926984126984,490,22,104,8,9,159,75,126,0.182,0.6709999999999999,0.147,-0.7867,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,11,6,1,0,2,0,9,5,1,4,0,26,27,9,2,3,8,1,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,9,4,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,5,2,17,4,11,21,4,7,0,0,1,1,6,3,1,1,4,68,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917262093962374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790279157196157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527257041738477,0.15616596642481526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19877040247971728,0.0,0.0,0.14378224812504853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625413529315112,0.1391087494932853,0.07861530221573125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085807215152134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374624485544692,0.0,0.0,0.08269536316792782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351291824711059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013232741052284,0.0,0.15116914252014216,0.3278157934065565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106140825819426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104318196251627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398118583018935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857274417451574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990653869535997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4464613574187005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645917207978771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094352877770075,0.0,0.13853421200005298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389155941954837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357773902904761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334361392394166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,trolliollio,2020/02/29,"Gaslighting myself into a self-fulfilling prophecy I am in DBT which means I also have a therapist I see 1x weekly. Months ago she did this thing where she acted (embodied) my mother and now I'm kind of afraid of her. I can't look her in the face when we are alone in a room together, only in Group with other ppl. I also recoil when she pushes her chair close to me. She told me she thinks I'm on the spectrum and now I have gaslighted myself so badly that I don't even look other ppl in the face either. I am so full of shame all the time. Any issues with my husband, she says things like, ""could those just be his limitations and do you just need to be more understanding?"" So, I feel like no matter what I do everything is always my fault and I am just being unfair to him. I just get so angry though. I get so angry and I try to use the DBT skills to deal with the anger, but it just spills out. It spills out on my kid because I feel like I'm not ""allowed"" to be angry with my husband as jacked up as that is. Than I feel like I am fucking up my kid by being such a shit human being. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I used to be a smart person once, but now I'm just some mentally handicapped idot flailing around unable to do anything. I feel like my kid is better with no mother than one who is just going to damage her. I feel like I am just broken beyond repair. Anyone else have experience with anything like this?",2.2044481236203097,3.498201271523179,3.8916721854304654,89.57351269315674,76.01986754966887,6.357836644591613,19.868101545253865,6.816661863887847,0.1725094922737309,1112,22,244,10,24,373,150,302,0.134,0.7659999999999999,0.1,-0.8938,1,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,1,0,3,28,19,3,2,11,0,29,4,3,3,1,49,54,19,0,2,13,4,6,8,0,0,0,1,1,5,15,17,0,1,10,0,0,3,6,8,0,1,2,10,48,11,38,44,5,30,0,1,3,1,28,18,2,1,17,182,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442667611620996,0.0,0.0,0.11032624429277806,0.0,0.1703736461443913,0.08863610478119788,0.0,0.0,0.07243964867006616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448372426484959,0.10914593795649777,0.17531956651568248,0.09482852000768126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894269243893486,0.06493575106908292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942113997889832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505036543218447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982107505795488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898673489115215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035778247178827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573647403759424,0.10420044601845684,0.0,0.0,0.323168964230834,0.4566025578459577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847928076484896,0.11130828862335723,0.0,0.06053977310923402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118288261245728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092785720308262,0.05854254255774621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4163361020652429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789058618218601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603534528068732,0.0,0.0,0.10735065685492057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502605997948884,0.0,0.0,0.07898584274917628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134440757295979,0.07218309621741098,0.08101593957974455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301223171451116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471178124453042,0.0,0.0,0.08488545639820852,0.0,0.11112726668657408,0.0,0.10934486585129348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368202081495208,0.14153899107564907,0.0682559724793168,0.10465882076215813,0.0,0.06211472305753773,0.0,0.0,0.1017877914486702,0.0,0.0723224799118253,0.0,0.0,0.11089474447667384,0.0,0.18400424455846395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544674496638438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,t_hrow_awa_y_666,2020/02/29,"i just relapsed, hard i’ve been okay for the last six months. i’ve been clean from cutting for at least half a year. i’m fwb with my FP. we’ve discussed this multiple times. i’m aware he has several other people of interest in his life (including his boyfriend). yet now i’m slicing my legs and arms open as ”revenge” for ”cheating on me” as he went to another guy’s place without consulting me first. i know i’m in the wrong but i can’t help but feel betrayed, although i don’t want to. i hate feeling like i’m possessive of him, yet i want him to feel remorseful for the fact he made me do this. i want him to come back begging for mercy, yet i don’t want him to ever to see my face again. basically i just need to vent, but if anyone has similar experiences as this, it would be helpful to know i’m not alone and not such as piece of shit i feel like i am.",0.7548611111111114,2.6192480489130427,2.8260144927536253,93.00835748792272,82.09782608695653,6.480193236714977,23.265700483091784,7.594959193182576,0.9102968599033812,667,24,156,11,18,225,108,184,0.14800000000000002,0.679,0.17300000000000001,0.0155,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,10,9,4,0,4,1,11,5,4,1,2,29,33,11,0,7,9,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,5,5,0,0,6,0,0,2,6,5,0,3,4,6,23,4,27,27,2,20,0,0,1,0,14,6,1,1,14,94,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041752029871582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253828555490705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505269370127433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265238527620442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173972046521338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883908418584893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095519011198695,0.0,0.0,0.3327927026777751,0.23509992619000894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996068112082574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16292400908338325,0.0,0.0,0.14739872384611033,0.16245271507936976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22058018023153012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808576916331452,0.13412497523455874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162219933890853,0.16077535898100945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569510947696127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133711199324197,0.0,0.0,0.12200697618508576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407379716738382,0.0,0.17191301490782948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111992601160627,0.0,0.0,0.1858874046592467,0.16890161552424895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594668200084798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882082556329201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152533542824904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15861413486949374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688703493050323,0.1799025691430544,0.0,0.10596066774119738 bpd,amongstheliving,2020/02/29,"DAE stress eat? I was sick a few weeks ago for two weeks. Lost about ten pounds. Felt great and confident again. I was at the weight I feel most comfortable. I've gained back seven cuz I can't not stuff my fucking face constantly due to always, always being so stressed out. Fml T_T",0.041785714285712316,2.2251624642857166,0.7118571428571451,99.93314285714287,102.92857142857142,4.3828571428571435,14.528571428571427,6.2581,-0.5468942857142851,222,5,48,3,10,67,49,56,0.174,0.619,0.20800000000000002,0.5007,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,1,2,2,0,4,5,1,1,0,7,8,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,4,3,5,2,5,3,2,9,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,7,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874174566909072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518487362328989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257446676607942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284776931378961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21634280924119012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690394538339612,0.0,0.20300326894709905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19546104021477206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330992352470645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307977652128555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4843782882768582,0.0,0.2420335613613912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065336535736322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391882947231523,0.2574613717123283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,j-c-price,2020/02/29,Dangerous headspace. Need some distracting please Just really need some help being distracted ❤❤❤,5.669791666666669,9.153308062500004,4.927499999999998,69.23416666666668,93.375,12.133333333333333,30.33333333333333,9.725611199111238,5.848608333333333,83,4,11,4,3,25,12,16,0.35100000000000003,0.41,0.24,-0.3477,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246051786374273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7181805048486586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5315981122564468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102445607943387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sarajudith91,2020/02/29,"Lurker I'm not diagnosed with bpd. I was diagnosed with clinical depression around the age of 12 and bipolar at around 25 but neither really fit. I've been lurking on bpd subreddits for about a year now and it feels much more accurate. I'm afraid to bring it up though because I don't want to influence a wrong diagnosis. My psychologist says she has never known anyone like me and she sometimes calls me to check in on her days off or texts me over the weekend which makes me feel a bit weird. I never ask her to do that or contact her first or anything. And always just respond with a straightforward, polite answer that doesn't require a response. I guess my reason for this post is because she just text me (Saturday morning) and it reminded me of something I read once about psychologists finding themselves thinking more about bpd patients than others. Which is something she has mentioned she does. How did you guys end up being diagnosed? Did something trigger you to ask about bpd or did a psych just tell you that you have it?",6.101930926216638,7.196141877551023,6.003265306122451,78.87580062794349,66.44897959183673,9.091993720565153,33.44427001569859,9.265573868473778,3.0231064364207216,832,36,149,15,13,261,120,196,0.09300000000000001,0.907,0.0,-0.9398,0,0,3,0,0,0,14.0,0,4,0,2,12,5,0,1,8,0,14,5,0,5,2,35,25,12,0,1,9,0,2,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,11,10,0,1,7,2,1,1,6,4,0,1,5,3,25,1,27,19,5,23,0,1,0,0,21,11,0,5,11,109,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970252384309891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153337879484615,0.0,0.09595651108988107,0.20760749327862668,0.21802107652980154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216343883174826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273031646710431,0.0,0.5874429158972846,0.0,0.1190674017059444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520099502905353,0.0,0.10043227190694602,0.3550568280255092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204238647518772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032779918340411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791863629911307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657544781779453,0.09918470279225253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845426514087138,0.1154579221053328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056967628583783535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783517406276161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571856651754865,0.0,0.1798669251796114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418120723398815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167597594696076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663720099410227,0.0,0.07470056258991667,0.11989002457701148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272948978809216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693061690359791,0.11532596534460132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191847407505801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747161895312616,0.11456445500872915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877703107062233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748996867636306,0.0,0.07509021286132818 bpd,witchbinch888,2020/02/29,communication?? I feel like every time I try to explain how I’m feeling I feel like I’m trying to manipulate and make people feel bad?? that’s not even my intention I just want to explain how I’m feeling but every time I do I feel like it seems like I’m trying to get people to feel bad for me?? idek if this makes sense but it causes me so much anxiety and I hate how invalidated I was as a child.,-0.0973255813953493,2.021996709302329,3.1314418604651166,87.92925581395347,87.72093023255816,5.765581395348837,19.06511627906977,7.1686216300943375,0.38361767441860506,311,9,70,5,10,112,48,86,0.172,0.677,0.151,-0.78,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,8,0,26,21,10,0,2,5,0,7,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,10,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,7,11,4,7,20,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,6,38,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973167557741014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613628904641897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078150654155532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337506595104767,0.0,0.2637371545070853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5539621505946623,0.33543780000222073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177134975758812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452374438878685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058565129312744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20894669055095436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505473591008862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21701219664243876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248315115289173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18252745800164272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187852516653473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231515957386437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Glimmering-Springs,2020/02/29,"Boyfriend has been ghosting me for 6 days I don't really know where to turn. This isn't the first time something like this has happened. Actually it's probably the 6th or 7th time in the 4 years I've known him. I'm pretty sure that he's splitting on me though. He took a week long break from talking where he unfriended me on Discord and when he came back we spoke very little. Then one day he just vanished again. I haven't heard from him in days and he deleted every social media account that I'm aware of. I'm really not sure what to do. Before taking his break he told me that I always play the victim and he needed to figure out why he gives me so much control over his emotions. From my perspective I'm not doing either of those things, but I don't want to invalidate his feelings. He's usually very sweet and I know that I'm willing to deal with frequent issues like this popping up. I just want to be good to him and help him feel better. Is there anything I could possibly do that might make him feel better? A few months ago he was very afraid that I would be the one leaving him and he was convinced I didn't care about him because I would have trouble waking up in the mornings so I wouldn't be around as often as I would've liked to be.",4.647346153846153,4.789718542307696,5.225192307692307,86.5435576923077,69.34615384615384,7.884615384615384,27.403846153846153,7.413659706084162,1.292153846153846,991,29,212,9,16,319,145,260,0.05,0.8009999999999999,0.149,0.9795,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,4,14,15,1,1,8,0,25,1,1,2,2,38,49,15,1,7,7,0,3,3,0,5,0,2,0,0,13,11,0,1,7,1,1,2,8,3,0,3,9,6,29,12,28,30,3,34,0,0,0,0,31,13,0,3,20,132,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.11592834292620488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530601625368127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884828604222676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775947793803297,0.10575415846420072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134725090169753,0.0,0.07241730344410552,0.0,0.10108715502224028,0.0,0.0,0.21013187386265772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587166021234942,0.1211210489279362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324048601434066,0.09484941684869544,0.0,0.0,0.22984193352678506,0.12247407608435824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336301830422689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009125737829548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802013879959894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104832547868728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396052156019446,0.0,0.09964095004443424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505143918308968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962685544142649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399278387295315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305750068027555,0.0,0.0,0.12578844429178787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411405124458695,0.11906540007269767,0.0,0.10513125082247823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929765156284332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602441709149706,0.0,0.0,0.09482231105082252,0.0,0.08732916836151816,0.0880861720698395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609992984219176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339253146051051,0.0,0.1208588482028623,0.1280828251148331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522082851392395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109817114138333,0.0,0.09145542493303258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239287752242787,0.0,0.08932025719489563,0.0954842054495161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892318096847249,0.0,0.11671705426448835,0.0,0.1385425031341773,0.0,0.0,0.1135152402010676,0.1319873913504441,0.0,0.12921658520341242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308376691198391,0.29405890393845485,0.1401386226994853,0.0,0.09529146512771897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719545196770654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25316908410226435,0.0,0.0,0.07650111414225147 bpd,dddddnnnsnbsbcjv,2020/02/29,"DAE feel like you'll always put more effort/time into others? Doesn't matter if its friendships or relationships I always feel like I care more to the point of being a doormat. I'm always readily available willing to chat and hang out. But nobody ever asks me to hang out. I feel like people don't even like me lol",3.7100000000000013,5.370403174603176,4.870031746031747,82.5888571428572,72.80952380952381,6.309841269841268,22.123809523809523,6.742157984588678,0.6936247619047622,252,6,46,2,5,83,46,63,0.016,0.7,0.28300000000000003,0.9479,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,0,1,12,11,4,0,1,3,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,3,6,5,7,8,2,8,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,5,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5133011298221603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19223600429041812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20965317575459655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581647239463535,0.186003829166734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31191765265526544,0.4407056797012579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018411235154221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255773741679653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943865245713172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20671463601841086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22076933471784327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Throwaway676541,2020/02/29,Does anyone else feel like you did something wrong if someone does comment on your post right away Like I mean you know its super selfish and completely unrealistic but still feel defeated and like you did something wrong when you post something and it doesn't get immediate attention. Or is this just me?,6.85409090909091,8.773989272727277,6.077954545454547,75.97693181818181,65.36363636363636,9.136363636363637,33.75,9.516144504307137,3.280000000000001,250,11,42,5,4,76,40,55,0.18600000000000005,0.6759999999999999,0.138,-0.6369,0,0,3,0,0,0,2.0,0,5,0,2,3,8,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,12,9,7,0,1,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,7,4,2,7,0,7,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,2,5,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307608261109888,0.1916125053454884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757008227500608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19607505631637476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273051344384069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622176632724935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18911442803260747,0.13359904743758974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770432344143176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277508681317643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274089003251404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20370728983723624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582052672763409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970440177555986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845185846639945,0.4319052841970066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934538356658106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.408929296722316,0.0,0.0 bpd,unsweetheart,2020/02/29,"Help finding BPD mom’s Instagram? Hi everyone! This is a really really long shot, and I hope this is okay to post, but I’m asking for help finding an Instagram account of a British mom with BPD. I became really intrigued on her life, because she’s been in and out of ICU and care. She posted self-harm images, but then had a baby who was in and out of her care. For all I know, she stopped self-harming. I remember she made a post once about meeting someone from the show Can’t Pay We’ll Take It Away. I’m genuinely interested to see how she’s doing, and I was hoping someone in the social media community would know her Instagram. Please help!",1.939,4.171886900000004,3.922307692307694,84.75269230769231,80.0,7.384615384615384,24.615384615384606,8.384062270229773,1.7893846153846154,507,19,101,11,13,172,82,130,0.028999999999999998,0.737,0.23399999999999999,0.9814,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,7,1,10,1,0,2,1,22,22,9,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,5,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,14,6,17,15,1,13,0,0,1,0,19,7,0,2,3,61,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070406470922306,0.0,0.1213067565107849,0.0,0.0,0.07870663329050864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32522886714463217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632804462013913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233738617495658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236015525738496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596269708996525,0.0,0.0,0.2564784652614267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191524247050188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119696388513657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426173597093238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217069129530415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024332716548503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750208660759322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172828685857689,0.0,0.0,0.370966269180632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481410059298419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626087618326344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288705956944302,0.0,0.26938790677485785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161535841406585,0.21879557207319014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079449993272162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707758220904572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171880805306236,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bex1200,2020/02/29,"just freaked the fuck out i just don’t know what to do anymore i feel like i’m not in control of my body when i get angry sometimes. today i was coming home from getting food and i called my mom from the driveway and asked if she’d get me a nic stick (since i’m 19 and they changed the law so now you have to be 21). she immediately started getting pissed at me for asking and is being really mean and just overall rude and yelling at me for asking so i’m like whatever never mind. i walk inside and i’m fucking steaming. like she could’ve just said no or something but it was the fact that she is just so fucking mean to me for no reason. i walk to the couch and i have my food in front of me. next thing i know there’s food all over the table and i smashed it all in my hands :( i started freaking out even more and hitting myself in the head and my mom was just getting madder and madder at me while i was cleaning it up and i was just getting madder and madder and i just don’t know how to control my anger when it gets that bad. this isn’t something that happens often even just here and there and i have to be really really mad. i just don’t know what to do. i’m angry at myself for destroying my food that i had just bought and i had waited all day for my mom to get home so i could use her car but i’m also embarrassed and i’m still really angry at my mom",0.441111111111109,2.3344910067340088,2.4548383838383856,95.09559090909092,83.37710437710439,5.037441077441078,19.664309764309767,6.079149491110277,-0.1515718518518523,1067,29,247,8,30,357,127,297,0.21100000000000002,0.772,0.017,-0.9961,0,0,2,0,1,0,13.0,0,1,1,2,27,19,12,1,8,0,23,11,4,5,5,60,60,32,0,2,16,4,2,3,0,0,0,2,5,0,12,22,4,3,8,0,1,5,8,16,0,0,9,4,43,3,30,45,4,29,0,0,0,3,16,13,4,3,14,174,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935401744910842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600797849559694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24322873641159745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241182169867699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633201631324953,0.0,0.0,0.08855600606971678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174363835523536,0.0747059797405865,0.0,0.0,0.19453910967487895,0.138485843596673,0.0,0.0,0.05593050387282562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456219864176725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04385080770312825,0.061956416540537414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4194732578737301,0.0,0.0,0.24052782496957176,0.3624822108871137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669070437998618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900495522559505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398465852659012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19064734998388788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710848453135545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889380791789796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756761117035161,0.40628547564183703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688773035160532,0.0,0.09223310952132667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22223323527160355,0.0891678292465021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249541366645581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173988475359527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353041161599313,0.08577332452651136,0.0,0.1227689200731332,0.0,0.06925876321820244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576162914801417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220523807588066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749026265306457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mosshroom,2020/02/29,"Can there be selective abandonment anxiety? Ok so I have not been diagnosed with bpd, but I do relate with the symptoms and I'm discussing it with my therapist. Does anyone have certain people that you're really close to and who you know would never leave you? I have had three friends since kindergarten (I'm in university now) and I never have any anxious thoughts about them leaving me. I do with my significant other, but never with these friends. Does this happen to anyone else?",4.100848938826466,6.906797337078654,4.441947565543071,80.8292384519351,75.62921348314606,7.551061173533085,27.86641697877653,8.515128840125781,2.42448963795256,389,16,66,8,9,122,62,89,0.038,0.765,0.198,0.9334,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,1,0,4,5,0,0,1,1,11,2,0,0,4,20,16,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,6,9,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,0,11,4,9,11,0,6,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,4,51,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238361841231554,0.0,0.1393081835566277,0.20572438956006608,0.0,0.254661096832507,0.186585892080128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293521676338664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848305618290786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187188663990521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521235661521475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813844238914468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103295086712904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000789652119678,0.0,0.0,0.3856412539763231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4213468378887946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262471888833887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166597501804746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063736120480906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18927458945553546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114354470729704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456932362417954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293606414734982,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SuicideSkwad,2020/02/29,"I think I have BPD Is this why when a friend takes a little too long to reply to a message, that I feel like they have moved on and our friendship is dwindling? Is this why whenever I am out with friends, I feel like I am hated by everyone and not really wanted there, despite that probably not even being the case? Is this why whenever people try to make plans with me I reject it, thinking that they’ve already asked people before me so clearly that they do not truly like me? Is this why whenever I see one of my friends make a little more effort on someone else and not give me attention, I feel like our friendship is threatened and I feel intense anger towards them? Is this why I sit at home empty, thinking that no one in my life truly cares? I hate this, my life has been this way for the past year and a half, and I really think I’m suffering. I’m just seeking some support from some people who know, thank you everyone",7.370707070707071,5.760081352941178,7.46841354723708,78.52523469994061,64.34759358288771,10.450148544266193,34.14676173499703,9.150863307647796,2.7972262626262627,731,25,147,10,9,237,103,187,0.14,0.674,0.18600000000000005,0.826,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,1,3,2,6,15,3,0,7,0,15,2,0,2,1,30,38,8,0,1,5,0,4,4,3,0,2,0,1,0,14,9,0,0,10,0,0,1,5,5,0,3,1,5,26,10,15,36,3,15,0,2,1,0,13,8,0,2,8,100,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854980507305295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043096268406833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141357441678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530218845019795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953031586630728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974256327104692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095538175221684,0.0,0.0,0.20530469682871053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21727591387787065,0.2302404059848643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248996524042591,0.0,0.0,0.10305501837425264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121264189196336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775934829416307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05903978650259335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517595765960752,0.20993617210089413,0.21534276649915796,0.0,0.09507066865691673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341845451325713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417928605494515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559239840218394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025524721373018,0.22343177896896912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582588176084505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764264507557988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560644966832417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102365354164793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190836653790656,0.0,0.0,0.08077271515075397,0.0,0.0,0.09890554907146536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753428782995374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293676678153224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336399719621147,0.08527158750831337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4846866757420562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918030573786252 bpd,throwaway-brummer,2020/02/29,"Can‘t tell anyone about my past and achievements I just realised that everything people know about me is completely surreal and not true. It feels so weird that nobody really knows me just because im afraid of not being accepted. My whole personality is constructed and I dont really know how to deal with that. Did/does anybody else experience such circumstances and how did you get out of that without losing everything you had?",7.801428571428572,9.15726290909091,7.5796363636363635,68.14945454545457,62.766233766233775,11.874285714285715,33.581818181818186,11.602472056035307,4.444165714285715,352,14,56,11,5,112,56,77,0.083,0.888,0.028999999999999998,-0.4945,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,2,8,5,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,2,1,19,12,7,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,1,8,2,8,9,1,2,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,41,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016155916037932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091254125682045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251663364678889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22140278325413906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25169104245252205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940009025774134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860155584832009,0.2100714161888722,0.0,0.0,0.10858648655598092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220052657225024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319720510973905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540708881483499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402557045735277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20500776985854213,0.14888394778895553,0.1875156199973841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751548657607807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877051730293902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23976608035624425,0.0,0.2070159770332615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pvsces,2020/02/29,"i freak out whenever people around me mention bpd some people in my life know i have bpd, most people don’t. whenever someone mentions it i start freaking out and have had moments where i started hyperventilating even if nothing severe happened. i’m not sure where this ‘’fear’’ comes from, i think it’s because i’m scared people will find out i have bpd? or i’m scared they’ll say something mean and i instantly apply it to myself even if these people don’t even know what i’m struggling with. for example: a few weeks ago my colleague was talking about her best friend, who had broken up with their partner, saying the reason for their breakup was them having bpd. in the conversation she dropped some words such as ‘manipulative’ and ‘abusive’ too which sets off all my alarms and i really don’t know how to properly react in such situation. my urge is to yell out that not all of us are ‘like that’ or even ask if she thinks the same of me, but i know it’s not the appropriate response.",4.251562499999999,5.9583297812500025,4.828041666666668,83.24612500000002,71.5,7.411666666666667,27.38333333333333,8.021203637495839,1.6764620833333332,786,28,152,11,15,251,118,192,0.081,0.885,0.035,-0.664,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,4,1,12,10,0,4,5,0,15,1,0,4,3,41,31,12,0,3,9,0,0,1,2,2,1,3,0,1,11,12,0,0,9,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,4,3,24,4,22,25,8,20,0,0,0,0,18,12,0,8,6,107,35,0,0.0,0.13098295574496147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799536837959016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984123992631866,0.10334876112802377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738988502770944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601476955582993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5569323714729894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522851496436162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29206733077032937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243988037850972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104014413604487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854101882435643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775846478470414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24302022520686134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808430692761761,0.054008850265727874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204206996743146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607512590725084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832051546645262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082077312996847,0.11366318989759497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758266318499364,0.22135845951673985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488934956396995,0.0,0.0,0.12426215166705575,0.0,0.0,0.09366814352331264,0.08510632512234248,0.0,0.0,0.1564948613610284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557023036054975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419149636251916,0.0,0.0,0.08885541605635182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167117688196534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297731043539085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867605632451456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,niepoganiaj,2020/02/29,"possibly entering the void again I've always been a loner. It was partially due to all these social difficulties I've had since I can remember but I was also pretty good at doing things by myself. Everything changed after my second attempt at higher education at 21. This cool and funny hipsterish girl saw a good addition to her friend group in me thanks to my occasional eccentricity. Some of these people and I developed tight relationships relatively quickly. We would do regular college student activities but for me it was rite of passage, like I finally felt young and normal. Unfortunately, things ended up pretty ugly, after that girl's bf and I developed excessively strong emotional connection (he was my first fp I suppose). After that I got as lonely, lost and heartbroken as only bpd can make you. I've lived through some darks periods in my life but this one was particularly traumatising. Memory of that feels too real even after 2 years that passed. And yet I may be at it again with my current fp, not my only friend, but the only person I talk to every day. Trying to figure this out but I'm afraid it will be another shit show since I'm so desperate and freaked out while she became distant. I don't want to be on my own again, it will literally kill me after I experienced how it is on the other side. Such deep loneliness and having no one to talk to about your day to day life is dehumanising and I feel like I won't bear it again. (sorry for my poor execution of English)",5.550159010600705,6.9573451024735,7.1072985865724405,69.30949911660781,67.9399293286219,10.46565371024735,30.051060070671376,10.577609850970193,3.486145017667845,1196,45,207,34,20,412,173,283,0.172,0.684,0.14400000000000002,-0.8575,1,2,0,0,0,1,25.0,1,2,0,4,13,15,2,1,5,1,23,3,1,2,1,36,34,20,1,3,6,0,4,2,3,5,2,0,0,3,19,14,0,1,5,1,1,2,4,6,0,4,11,7,30,9,37,15,4,38,1,2,1,0,17,13,1,3,25,151,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231464500299926,0.10645744574194466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415765253683493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611376414965111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353449754585215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475347438720261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391678935769645,0.11331805404250167,0.0,0.0,0.08450404977185774,0.0,0.10779609873094842,0.0,0.1149854285174347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938197348214406,0.09140132031507177,0.1228437522371438,0.14015348647806414,0.0,0.10882684017774784,0.0,0.0,0.19769432697102216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146222551294369,0.1023263788909568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154813887700196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18073750711136335,0.12501135430486912,0.0,0.11297454901265555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966308835195562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540183929045347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253553506771701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173392729024362,0.29191546763028103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869841725110393,0.1117134449390335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423463960675334,0.0,0.2603246811885804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562525716243027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373611206370388,0.1449325998537722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132994903442072,0.21166880048459366,0.0,0.0,0.13042008617352582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321985769839224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056688087947664,0.0,0.11779119828619485,0.0,0.0,0.16999708527356006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686377295281647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546311837925132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088585856660238,0.0,0.0,0.08239002955011268 bpd,MMLC_X,2020/03/01,"I just had an episode in front of boyfriend for the first time and it was real bad. I love him. It’s only been 4 months and honestly, it feels as if I have been lucky enough to meet my person - we’re so similar in so many ways and total opposites in others, we’ve resolved arguments and fights really maturely, we’re so connected on every front and honestly I’ve never felt like I’ve been in such a *partnership* with anyone. And then today happened. I’ve been quite lucky to have been quite balanced and stable for about 7 - 8 months. Obviously some days are tougher than others, buts overall it’s been the longest stretch of stability I have ever had the fortune to have. And then today it all went pear shaped. I just woke up wrong and it spiralled. We spent some time with my mother and she passed a few triggering comments. Then I had work stress and it’s just continued to spiral. We went swimming and all was great, but as soon as I got home it went from bad to worse. With constant crying and self harm thoughts. He kept trying to understand and I kept pushing him away. He said one or two stupid comments out of reaction and I just couldn’t. I’ve barely been able to say two words since and he is so hurt and confused. I feel like I’ve damaged this beyond repair. I pray to god I could just be at home and save him from my chaos. I hate having BPD and feeling this way. I wish this was all over, that there was silence to the constant screaming in my ears. I’m so tired now. I just wish I had a mom right now to hold me.",1.4406099581019198,3.728331398713826,2.5793452206957035,93.35556757283449,82.27974276527331,5.6989574198577415,21.321348533567182,6.980632752743323,0.4748490889603434,1199,37,257,15,33,382,169,311,0.19699999999999998,0.698,0.10400000000000001,-0.9907,0,0,0,0,1,0,31.0,2,0,0,5,20,22,3,2,8,0,25,3,1,1,7,65,46,34,0,5,10,2,4,2,0,0,1,4,2,2,14,25,0,3,7,1,1,8,2,12,0,4,26,8,27,10,37,17,8,44,1,2,0,1,20,15,0,7,21,167,41,1,0.11126088515193384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779619784266492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453326408461744,0.0,0.18579638346317448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012918997693355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24046698139131176,0.0,0.08883276341319685,0.0,0.12221485793071978,0.07175406653962095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149622362712726,0.0,0.0,0.10064184042581102,0.0937420943831328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16877053964510047,0.07948479858351756,0.10682789778259716,0.0,0.0,0.0946384520725854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898549373128953,0.12266551866543635,0.0,0.0,0.09838763329513917,0.0,0.0,0.10984708967533496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232074789309328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910707870750573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871289696169496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100417292764599,0.0,0.0,0.11280107445761185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303074039864408,0.17761475407502478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581125364517198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753932552332903,0.08461891676554611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714871338227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23667929346427846,0.0,0.1266392454105506,0.07127657202611698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501618800060324,0.10583458026582193,0.08847912155775645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116069368310886,0.0,0.0,0.09203615393594262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744896803024866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832871484916399,0.12975423373685954,0.12787802034475432,0.21092461946040134,0.0,0.0,0.07553883766185067,0.0,0.21737143590904334,0.11582650526902345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766274237313665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30941986563285656,0.0,0.0,0.2558890540652155,0.0,0.0,0.08099924950135452,0.0,0.11338434725316207,0.0,0.12164631188727873,0.0,0.0 bpd,mary3lizab3th,2020/03/01,"Waiting for the text back... Your hands are warm against the phone screen; your back is tense, craning over your phone to get a better look. You refresh the screen. Maybe the WiFi isn’t working. Maybe they’re typing it right now and it just isn’t showing up. Maybe you need to turn your data back on? You become disgusted with yourself: how needy you are. You put your phone down and try to busy yourself. The screen flashes within five minutes and you jump at its call. A text! A message! Maybe, just maybe, it’s them...? Fuck. No. Fuck. Your battery is low. You *hate* this person now. You wonder if they’re with other friends. They’re probably too busy for you. You go back to your task. You keep checking your phone whenever it flickers. Now this person has been vilified within your mind. You know, down to the snacks that they are eating and the movie that they are watching (the FUN that they are having) that they are without you. You get angry, and maybe you type out a few texts. *Wow, you must be having fun without me.* Delete. *What are you doing that makes you too busy to text me back?*. Delete. You get desperate. *Please text me back.* Delete. *Please please please please text me back I need to talk to you please please.* Delete. By the time that’s done, your day has gone to shit. You might have gotten some things done— the dishes are washed; homework is done; you’ve *survived*— but you feel miserable. Your skin burns with the feeling of being unwanted. Your head swims with thoughts of self-hatred and disgust. And then... then they text you back. Relief floods in. All of your previous rage is forgotten, and you eagerly begin typing. After a couple of minutes, they don’t reply. Maybe they were teasing you, you think. Maybe all of THEIR FRIENDS are laughing AT YOU for being so DESPERATE. And the cycle continues.",1.2999784040600382,3.951950239067056,1.2329948169744078,97.5359753266386,94.71428571428572,3.9401576503617317,17.722114242522405,5.82211442006289,-0.3402006910700788,1424,39,281,12,54,417,164,343,0.12300000000000001,0.7829999999999999,0.094,-0.8994,0,0,0,0,0,0,82.0,0,40,9,2,17,20,8,1,17,0,31,10,4,2,3,39,54,15,0,5,6,0,5,0,2,2,1,0,1,2,16,14,3,2,6,2,1,5,6,10,0,1,7,10,54,10,37,42,4,36,0,2,5,2,61,13,3,4,18,191,70,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42200202561210903,0.0,0.0,0.07576487252358688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06067237624858687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004971425414103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590616027213944,0.0,0.04424223706856356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21060919466239464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019637334699008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693738727782994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060025652659564,0.12684180446608406,0.10752422289768927,0.0,0.03898776475367738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772969417732462,0.07040484273700366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06097608921014156,0.0,0.0,0.03770154330121563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05760791043252761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04579197684588069,0.0,0.5513547317962486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277525974266723,0.06926787253223374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173415914259948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980021804035378,0.0,0.5271262671564663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739639276374444,0.0,0.0,0.06896336936276129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05858523311083268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156623668671258,0.0,0.07041836610686597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05513921836167399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04557573149120833,0.043957016377571816,0.0,0.05446186022307785,0.04000203644532195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046575857298261344,0.07461863953246015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225863097040969,0.07439530763351865,0.04994264676045754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,stayregional,2020/03/01,"laying in the grass smoking a cigarette and thinking of you lovely people i hope you all have a decent day, each one of you deserves it",1.91,4.431124444444446,3.653333333333337,84.90000000000002,82.33333333333334,5.0814814814814815,23.814814814814817,6.42735559955562,0.9668370370370374,108,4,19,1,3,36,23,27,0.0,0.767,0.233,0.7717,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,3,4,2,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,1,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414521705722619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5258644233985154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4778503049514238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587697797127737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36705474095836105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392508979765673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,anyubear,2020/03/01,"How do you deal with breakups? I can't stop thinking about him. I'm still in love with him. We had plans for our life together, and I just got back from visiting him two weeks ago for crying out loud. I met his mom. I really wanted him to meet my family. I want to make sure he's alright. He's the love of my life, but we keep hurting each other. I wish I could make this pain stop. You would think someone died from how much I'm crying. I keep telling myself maybe we're not meant to be. I don't want to block him because I promised I wouldn't do that to him. I wish I could just forget it but I can't. A part of me doesn't want to. He's my best friend. He's the only person I've been truly close to. But I'm also bad for him.  Everything reminds me of him and I keep breaking down crying. Like with heaving sobs and all. I can't breathe. I catch the smell of the clothes he washed for me before I left from my visit and I cry. I saw an incomplete sketch I made of him and I cry. I have flashbacks of us cuddling and him cooking for me and I fucking cry. I'm such a fucking mess. I'm not one to go through with urges to self-harm etc just maybe fantasize about death and suicide but it's been really hard now that I pushed him away. I don't have friends yall just my family but I'd die before I tell them this shit so I'm kinda worried ngl. I'm worried help won't come in time, ya know? The pain keeps coming in waves and just when I feel things are getting better it comes back and hits me hard. I feel so sick yall. I constantly want to throw up from how nightmarish and cold everything seems now. I feel so freaking wrong. Please I don't know what to do.",-0.2701448591834001,1.7524826215469638,1.5766190540358451,99.48489489287157,87.42541436464089,4.8576741679019015,17.945290392130442,6.219705907916566,-0.4204038000269503,1287,33,315,12,41,421,177,362,0.256,0.603,0.14,-0.9961,0,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,4,5,1,3,22,21,3,0,8,1,22,14,2,6,2,73,65,24,4,11,12,1,5,1,2,3,6,1,0,1,10,23,1,7,9,1,0,9,11,11,0,2,8,9,65,10,40,50,6,31,0,2,1,5,41,9,4,3,13,190,75,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819885934344705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152545449620519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228362624565891,0.11831761445894892,0.06423809902834328,0.04689929091723311,0.0,0.13093323462513928,0.0,0.08073927453441099,0.06804337785702427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19881988929465985,0.0,0.0831401638489026,0.0,0.12285379826522545,0.0,0.507061547710559,0.0,0.07931733233526236,0.0,0.0,0.15969422783165174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580364672086634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828969938308833,0.0,0.1450562687945212,0.0,0.11670301043225335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888066774660636,0.1422516367908627,0.04019572980754856,0.0,0.04372433342755438,0.0,0.061532510502601674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378385577031443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051568380491470715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236126209104523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735359539154966,0.0,0.0,0.08456370148177036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835908672398721,0.0,0.10868392564145417,0.037586898681844345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887495281734555,0.07279842311980715,0.10271035934304412,0.0,0.15458451056523526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010616638903976,0.0,0.0,0.0565565945949378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052133623975573085,0.058513069560728825,0.16373002633000913,0.0,0.0,0.08331386983630151,0.0,0.0,0.06717728896981802,0.0,0.0844522993639855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857396375257332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700393751949566,0.08026071806924877,0.0,0.07897339430801267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518737212521848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061440952400079636,0.1286433865827201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415517273718591,0.0,0.07251099029176827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449039231932725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051112662973024685,0.0985945848763814,0.0,0.0,0.0448618275596696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515500337295812,0.0,0.0925441787730646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22689335704816602,0.0,0.061713180861583575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17694452484935946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626388342083564,0.0,0.054652916553872784,0.08411711448620926,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ghost-Music,2020/03/01,"Off mood stabilizer So I had to stop my mood stabilizer due to really bad side effects. I can’t get another medication until about May because my psychiatrist is on maternity leave (I’m so happy for her). I don’t trust the other psychiatrists and they would charge a lot more because I have no health insurance. I have been going bonkers since. Heavily dissociative, hypomanic, hyper vigilant, and my anxiety is consuming. And more, I feel like I’m going insane. Does anyone have tips for managing these intense emotions? I’ve been having a hard time with my hobbies and not doing them because I can’t focus on anything. Thank you.",4.4286755485893385,7.09250959482759,6.324451410658307,68.50205329153606,73.74137931034483,9.735423197492162,31.235109717868337,10.018931242160765,3.9572517241379295,507,24,81,16,11,175,82,116,0.132,0.738,0.131,0.2146,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,2,1,3,7,0,0,3,0,15,2,0,1,0,12,22,7,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,3,2,15,4,10,17,3,10,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,5,56,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22934837024923424,0.1673212078986157,0.0,0.0,0.15293502951131613,0.0,0.1799890066160429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18262316267372386,0.3999914519893159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914044973685603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460320411586469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059206909427728,0.15625455168973168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427286010120137,0.0,0.24860872837526565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328329077450826,0.1959313376865816,0.0,0.0,0.2324905307952581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231594292537114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685618684554446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18594904112064434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203387149903016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011847556258727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18092853260988184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828608136771691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013692014268494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753815813657934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537334730293895,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dotPuush,2020/03/01,"Self Identity DAE struggle with a sense of self identity? My fiancé loses her shit when we go to 6 stores and I can’t ever find anything I want. I can never decide on who I want to be. Luckily as far as life choices go I’m pretty much already cemented at the young age of 31. When it comes to style and fashion tho I have no idea. I see people out in public and I’m like man I want to be that guy, I want to wear that shit and be that persona but I never follow through so I just cut my hair super short or shave my beard. I think I’m kind of stuck on the mind frame of when my happiest moments were in childhood, which unfortunately included chuck Taylor’s, Band Tees and blunt rides..and I’ve just moved on from that so I can’t decide how to look like a grown up..",0.4645775401069514,2.42517955757576,2.641354723707668,93.41262032085564,83.72727272727273,5.5793226381461665,19.402852049910873,6.794906146795322,0.11133868092691568,597,16,137,7,17,202,105,165,0.111,0.74,0.149,0.7501,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,2,10,9,3,1,4,0,8,5,4,1,3,27,23,16,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,7,9,0,0,5,1,1,6,5,5,0,0,2,3,18,4,23,18,1,26,0,1,2,0,9,10,2,1,12,81,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18602715159198496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13872319496952926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521278494077194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248610517731054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15407486640218074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19161057525640413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691615458999126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190301113464138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554534349089704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906979409867748,0.1647148558700213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156088361355562,0.18859275856174207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021310386147112,0.0,0.0,0.1791689774818193,0.1239223193972131,0.0,0.260031489753614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686896038086955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17150179109657135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433277245700714,0.0,0.35172182522168205,0.0,0.3460804620013512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17623161521717096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801631291092777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3977205666303737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SadistiKitteh,2020/03/01,"I was diagnosed with BPD and still can't process it I actually got diagnosed because I went to get assessed for autism/adhd and that was discovered in the process. I can't really process, at first I was okay with it...but then I realized since the psych that assessed me told me to only look at certain kinds of sites that I was diagnosed with something that had a stigma attached and just...felt worse. And I know this is likely my own stigma too, but it made me anxious as a couple people I was close with had BPD as well...but umm, those people took out their issues on me. One I knew went to DBT and still did this. I also know not every borderline person is like that, but it scared me to think that a lot of friendships ending was my own fault and I never realized. Doesn't help that the person that went to DBT that lashed out at me also gave me trauma that I had to deal with (and still deal with tbh, I get really anxious when there's arguments or anger in cars...) I think the only thing that's helped me be more at ease is the DBT, since it seems to be a lot more in depth than anxiety groups I've gone to. If it helps me and it's only available to people with BPD (have to be diagnosed to get into the program for it apparently?), then I'm okay with being diagnosed. But from the standpoint of understanding myself better and helping myself cope, it's more difficult. Again, the only other people who told me they had it were people that eventually hurt me. People that I could go to to better understand it are people I don't want to interact with again so... I guess here I'm trying to find that? I'm sorry I'm not being detailed about my case, I normally would but I'm not really looking for other people to tell me what I do or don't have. I'm kinda scared of being demonized most of all, I think. Like having anything I say dismissed because of it. Or people will not want to associate with me because of THEIR previous experiences. I feel part of the issue is also that it was a very out-of-left-field diagnosis from what I originally went in for. Like I went in to get answers and only got more questions. Not even looking at an official list of symptoms eases anything, I just feel completely confused/ possibly still in denial. And I guess I'll say before this, I was also diagnosed with Clinical Depression with associated General Anxiety, more on the Social Anxiety side.",4.076724812030071,5.389941027368426,5.4527518796992505,80.14126315789477,71.3578947368421,8.628571428571428,26.83458646616541,9.081645337920577,2.1634060150375944,1888,63,363,38,35,634,199,475,0.113,0.8009999999999999,0.086,-0.9209,1,0,1,0,0,0,57.0,0,0,3,3,18,19,1,3,16,2,37,8,0,2,3,75,79,29,0,6,14,0,2,4,0,2,8,2,0,2,37,27,0,0,16,0,0,9,11,9,1,2,28,7,49,10,65,42,12,42,1,2,3,0,22,20,0,13,17,262,86,2,0.0,0.0,0.05923009981253957,0.0,0.07294425425927242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19415283254730295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139295785213758,0.137137386810406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989452949529896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099832886974972,0.0,0.05164744126071295,0.0,0.0,0.10736056039896888,0.0,0.0,0.2293317554316566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363812772943511,0.0,0.0,0.04846045656570413,0.0671584698707152,0.0,0.0,0.12514889056152206,0.05227698690967871,0.3696282240449421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0537582405003094,0.0,0.0,0.04008883729314485,0.0,0.05113861731511861,0.0,0.0,0.0593718929100988,0.0,0.0,0.06137898594913256,0.0,0.05827724480909208,0.0,0.05547463165650705,0.051627602473387366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684367571673866,0.0,0.034494678892319316,0.0,0.09708754941878277,0.0,0.13372597890613486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273178677475114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497583991083528,0.0,0.0,0.12670076668834318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320507358904766,0.06671337216364219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594589094302314,0.0,0.0,0.1186111164152176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529069223061909,0.0,0.0,0.103202369534013,0.0,0.05743159546492824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04681214869763585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059468750559168726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04112887441748928,0.2308084980695586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572736419278681,0.0,0.3787078588830957,0.10599402347481494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842511116143167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799290505087366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664936753428035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653507247719667,0.12153366477000405,0.0,0.0,0.055254947709418634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041596971471946,0.0,0.0,0.0618714680359569,0.0,0.04672639848419053,0.0,0.06794369723012132,0.0,0.0,0.19388617346362289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630859147110652,0.0,0.0,0.05305058457716464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04032342538753808,0.116673769931815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159943951175693,0.06743498756520569,0.041208293211692094,0.0,0.0,0.12637241288191092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05008018399241587,0.07159961404232303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05457258726521926,0.2813269073056041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061853949198165975,0.04311637615192367,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,niqitaq,2020/03/01,DAE feel so sensitive that they isolate? my first bpd post. please share your experiences if you feel like it? . when i’m in a bad place it’s like i’m so sensitive i’m scared to leave the house. what if i bump into someone and they give me a weird look? stuff like that. anyone else? it’s hard to be skillful when you don’t even want to be out in the world...,-1.2779004329004344,0.7403825844155882,0.5514610389610404,102.53766774891777,99.77922077922076,4.125108225108225,14.208874458874455,5.985473137389443,-0.9678476190476188,277,6,69,3,12,89,53,77,0.154,0.675,0.172,0.3604,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,2,2,5,7,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,11,7,0,3,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,4,8,4,7,9,0,10,0,0,1,0,7,6,0,2,6,38,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978935975712082,0.21949627691092255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17886684758310087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26980575184893657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895541848613875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149194732671874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20955072063813104,0.0,0.0,0.21663467521835905,0.15304060378795706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18221755738020445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20550175154414166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919012911705602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24718401421726435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22683070656465135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139748924394797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798929548944357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22381692777937048,0.23515198592217726,0.0,0.0,0.20516594779467515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21447410370518544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18151003735524213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452335214075804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635398657997635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jerco7,2020/03/01,"I finally decided to seek help. I've never posted in this sub before. But I just wanted to thank everyone who comes here and posts. You helped me realize that I'm not alone, and your success stories give me hope that I can be better. I am 34 years old and I had my first counseling session on Friday. So thank you for creating a place where we can all commiserate together and support each other through the rough times.",3.6117770034843235,5.6230895853658565,4.807839721254356,81.45719512195123,73.87804878048779,8.588153310104529,27.567944250871076,9.23628265651192,2.5153358885017414,334,13,63,8,7,110,67,82,0.0,0.732,0.268,0.9676,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,3,0,3,4,6,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,2,16,13,6,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,12,6,6,11,2,13,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,6,44,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22031794439687394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18101248456316527,0.0,0.0,0.18813712071244304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18324291890614167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032669300076655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23302878072772645,0.0,0.18094295414506775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20406427646703984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851688711238037,0.0,0.0,0.2112829634553908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640658885834306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22321808902560727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22225133890677526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4074616432979827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413967122153454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916954191701245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404109456043215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547014639255027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369873030821038 bpd,Oziroan,2020/03/01,"When You're Alone and... What do you do when your only sources of support are. conditional? ex: You've been told ""I don't want to"", ""Don't call me between these hours"" or had people sigh/roll their eyes when you ask for emotional support. And yet they are my only people who can/will help and do, but only sometimes...",2.0619047619047635,4.154116063492069,2.9272222222222237,92.77750000000002,78.84126984126985,5.469841269841268,21.61111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.23694920634920624,244,7,52,2,6,77,46,63,0.043,0.8440000000000001,0.113,0.5005,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,9,1,1,0,0,6,14,8,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,8,2,4,11,0,5,0,0,1,0,11,0,0,1,5,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23048427855704656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20804481698285285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22723817523349402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503274960073916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916384071171887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21915702814462587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5077549908099525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30856236842668633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22009770555562586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5050714068098968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126464634806533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312598311086289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,peachs0das,2020/03/01,"i feel like it’s impossible for me to have stable relationships i had just started learning how to really cope with my symptoms after i fucked up two of my closest friendships. i learned from my mistakes, learned how to actually be a good friend, and now i feel like that’s all thrown out the window because of a stupid decision i made. or rather, a series of stupid decisions i made. but basically, i got intimately involved with one of my closer friends. not a romantic relationship, something more akin to fwbs. but i was so happy then, and i know it wasn’t what was really there, but i actually felt loved for once. but halfway through i realized my feelings were way to much for the situation, and i got way too attached to him. and with those feelings came all my symptoms. i forgot how clingy i got when i was with the object of my affections, how easily depressed i became when i had to leave, or he needed space. and now that he’s broken it off, ive just, gone off the deep end, so to speak. i can’t help feeling self-destructive bc i wasn’t good enough, or feeling jealous to the point of wanting to vomit when i hear anyone else talk about him, or how angry and hateful i am when he talks about what happened and he sound like he MIGHT have regretted it. i hate this. i hate how this always happens when i get even the slightest bit close to someone. i hate that i can’t just behave rationally. i want to be able to be happy and have some sort of interpersonal stability, but time and time again i see that i just. can’t. and it’s awful. i don’t know what exactly i’m seeking here, but i just needed somewhere to throw my thoughts, i suppose.",3.775258358662612,5.202248130699092,5.0007586626139835,82.64902857142856,72.25227963525836,7.938772036474162,28.66151975683891,8.488131031819089,2.0356863465045603,1301,51,261,22,25,431,166,329,0.159,0.685,0.156,-0.6501,0,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,0,0,28,21,8,0,10,1,21,5,0,9,3,72,56,34,0,7,17,0,7,3,2,1,3,3,1,0,15,17,0,1,16,0,0,3,7,11,0,2,18,11,45,10,37,34,7,29,0,2,1,2,18,10,1,7,17,183,60,3,0.0985772668959602,0.0,0.19239438509750545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202418291764299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689275170492746,0.1010040592573578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060091786938665674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762084416210406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274613204543255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490445553080636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234865733296527,0.0,0.08731019918685984,0.10185666806797557,0.0,0.06510935508043547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990617683483553,0.14084723833428647,0.09464963519990836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232110374467112,0.09113309479239873,0.05150255332649032,0.0,0.0,0.16536386901116346,0.23652373662422696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434310311934847,0.20987466729515847,0.0,0.3892985701806367,0.0,0.0,0.1111037441692802,0.0,0.06607426408075685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835097573554676,0.0,0.0,0.10437909220912303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444796198258507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896983208706387,0.1865523868711135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457490214030044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246563361423199,0.14618758867068218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049815720302429,0.06679850724842205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318738020518348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630224277746616,0.0,0.0,0.21167018626797052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855331887431084,0.0,0.10283758827554901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080497821663488,0.0,0.0,0.0835241983456249,0.07588959610602919,0.0,0.0,0.06977349688336887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20491904973253927,0.0,0.1584653461809378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825933872782838,0.11496239412883087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629566592025013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628685212830825,0.15649209213585105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,recheckyourcaptcha,2020/03/01,"How do you deal with BPD in your romantic relationships? Hey lovely people. I (F24) think I might have it, haven't been properly diagnosed, but I have been to therapy for trauma and abandonment issues from childhood. Actually, I know I do have most of the symptoms minus suicidal tendencies/ideations and some other symptoms. It's fucking up my romantic relationships and I question everything. I feel the guy (M27) I'm talking to pulling away, because I'm too much. It's just fucking with me. At one point I ghosted him (again, fear of abandonment so I took the initiative... I feel nuts writing this), we started talking again and everything seemed okay... he even says he isn't the best communicator. LITERALLY ITS JUST WITH ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS, NO OTHER ONES. Part of me just wants to end it completely with him, because Im so afraid of the rejection and would just rather know now if he's going to leave or not. I hate that he is pulling away and hate how much I think about this. I feel like an unstable nutjob and like I'm smothering him. I want to stop feeling this way, man. How did y'all deal with it if it was you or your SO? Thanks for the understanding and input",3.5432457826179835,5.9606686502242185,4.531697629724537,81.48626307922274,75.50224215246638,8.552551783045057,29.00469784326287,9.23628265651192,2.78682763185992,931,41,176,24,21,302,125,223,0.19399999999999998,0.669,0.13699999999999998,-0.9576,1,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,1,5,0,1,17,17,5,2,7,1,14,6,0,3,0,49,38,19,2,6,11,0,4,2,0,2,3,1,0,2,13,14,0,3,11,0,0,4,4,11,0,2,5,5,26,6,23,31,6,18,0,3,0,3,27,6,2,9,9,122,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.109766300911846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21136126558791868,0.0,0.0,0.13713608459201626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180430211832959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166726351986636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793533861877448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319282058216527,0.0,0.11416696070196028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962575146630234,0.0,0.0,0.07429336420928613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021833117506176,0.0,0.0,0.126573630983375,0.22749731176141266,0.0803572325552459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20797577228546524,0.0,0.0,0.06392616786288477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137496041717433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22210556704834536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149996675974654,0.1174020854775761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363443767501466,0.0,0.0,0.11910229956581485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099061417854172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151948411587702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193257294940454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537456726787828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244155994212516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180714972559475,0.0,0.07798092322692503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633193906989333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260056913512868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622910307104041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945027821678175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023994765556062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961540718238892,0.0,0.0,0.09404006968754053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230371575095802,0.0,0.0,0.23382393476932176,0.0,0.18081769760776867,0.0,0.10355840244994838,0.1286330808049808,0.0,0.0,0.14414797182950514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249717484943672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709782984710725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268971021517326,0.0892830529695686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990405442332939,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Satanicdahlia,2020/03/01,"I've lost my teen years to mental illness Hey, so this is something that has been on my mind lately, but today it hit me really hard when I heard my aunts talk about their teen years. They recalled so many fun, exciting memories like what their first kiss, first romances, how they went out clubbing every weekend and experienced fun adventures with friends. It sounded like the best time ever, being young dumb and free and it made me really jealous to be honest. I never had anything like that and I feel like I've missed out so much. I am 21 and have been struggling with my mental health for as long as I can remember, but it got really bad when I was around 12. I've spent my teen years in and out of mental hospital, desperately trying to survive. When others spent time with their friends and made unforgettable memories I was tortured by my own mind. During that time I didn't think about what I was missing, but now looking back it makes me sad because I'll never get those years back. I never got to be just a stupid teen who just got to learn and grow up step by step. I feel like these precious monents all have been stolen from me, half of my childhood is just gone. I had to be strong and fight like and adult because I had no other choice. I would love to go back to my 13 year old self and hug her tight, telling her how much she matters and that everything will be okay. Have you ever thought about this before? I guess the only thing I can do about it now is make the absolute most of my 20s so I won't feel like this in another 10 years. That's one of my biggest motivations for recovery, BPD got my teens, but the rest of my life is mine! Good luck to all of you struggling out there, Mads.",5.61424198250729,5.5305487551020445,5.6506865889212845,85.09597157434403,67.27988338192421,8.959125364431486,28.81180758017493,8.548686976883017,1.8034129446064144,1345,40,285,18,20,423,182,343,0.138,0.63,0.23199999999999998,0.9927,0,0,1,0,2,0,30.0,0,2,5,7,25,38,6,2,5,1,30,6,0,7,7,56,57,27,0,1,7,1,5,7,2,3,3,2,0,2,22,20,0,1,8,2,3,6,6,13,0,4,23,9,44,26,38,25,8,47,0,4,1,3,22,10,1,3,38,191,66,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341873122075696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331355620047747,0.07930907164739495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20551434870547566,0.07438650699789807,0.1086169885093249,0.0,0.07580910799837799,0.0,0.09349455698415414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220585435017334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117418062875832,0.07506224642107344,0.0,0.08006843171338646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135139884795848,0.19093794235982786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155997648927186,0.0,0.0,0.13766157089028974,0.0,0.046545896934085305,0.0,0.05063195336854733,0.07472454379903765,0.2850139460746159,0.0,0.09814278238790003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798072249354789,0.0,0.0,0.09469860363137177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049750625802843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292696793315716,0.3046744378931362,0.0,0.0,0.07884192948008432,0.07481324084895306,0.0,0.0972523614232881,0.0,0.08040728793221473,0.16859840165718992,0.11893665876782755,0.09032337183435724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693455809036828,0.0,0.17991119594306765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098293950938314,0.0,0.20613531762441967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348506683929203,0.0,0.060369753204771476,0.06775703086150163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122018604386285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092170915965916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929403976241617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858590672831233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18627261907228884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160724269536634,0.07786866875526305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059187499621471365,0.057085334784158476,0.0,0.07072758298920248,0.15584745035341646,0.0,0.0844469918577825,0.0,0.0,0.06048632563894937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258740947541694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328704649084392,0.0,0.0,0.34422659670639083 bpd,Grimmontha96,2020/03/01,"Fear of rejection ruining my life... [male] 1. I signed up as a camp counselor for this summer. I have gone with them before and although it's hard work I enjoyed being around good people trying to be a good person myself. I started my new studies last September and greatly underestimated the time and effort that I have to invest to pass my classes. Now I feel like I have to drop the camp stuff to make more time for studying but, I am afraid that they'll think badly of me. I have discussed this with my therapist and she thinks it's the right thing to do. Even if I think it will be impossible to do. 2. I have fallen in love again and I hate it. I have been in two relationships before and the first was with another person suffering from bpd. We had a very negative impact on each other and I do admit that she did some damage. (I probably did as well.) The second one was alright... we dated for about a month and she told me she loved me. I just didn't know what to say. I cut it off at the 4 weeks mark. Now, I am truly in love and I've asked her out.(she said yes but I am not sure she thinks of it as a date) The signs are pretty clear that she likes me as well but that voice in the back of my head keeps dragging me down telling me that I am not suitable for her. That my mind is too dark for her. (I have extremely dark humor. I am not a danger to anyone). She hasn't experienced the darkest corners of my mind and I am afraid she'll think I'm crazy. Srry for the long pathetic post",1.0987003722084374,3.101573016025643,2.9338792390405284,91.95413151364764,81.66025641025641,5.820678246484697,19.679900744416877,6.968188349444268,0.21913325062034786,1159,30,258,14,31,386,169,312,0.142,0.691,0.16699999999999998,0.892,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,2,0,2,3,11,25,3,3,16,2,32,5,1,1,2,42,52,19,0,1,8,0,2,2,0,3,1,3,0,3,19,17,0,1,8,0,1,3,6,11,2,4,10,6,52,14,39,36,3,33,0,4,0,3,29,12,0,2,18,191,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417093613109847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280017756838934,0.0,0.0,0.10541656412431842,0.11070425460805307,0.0,0.0,0.09105564709796947,0.09887355660637788,0.0,0.0,0.20152891790357733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491425305394746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821355523613925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325246182780226,0.05987537968195954,0.08459739189327803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072575336207652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19864574126080906,0.0,0.13055556709285046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060787028550618,0.11691263561341365,0.1215303837454318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525479829116037,0.0,0.0,0.06507908898124114,0.09652596048391593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836416895631697,0.11570548975422795,0.0,0.0,0.10479564496321143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32062889584891263,0.0,0.07904451316410473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391355708730978,0.0,0.09451961396571308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436823264052355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024267372809557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209569335146469,0.20679495763689035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341110567487035,0.12047303582753342,0.12767395195634124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713593757042532,0.0,0.10112778588784456,0.1126420349823336,0.0941702445522289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381642308949531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555955610728065,0.0,0.0,0.11160696863140923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350199974108668,0.0,0.0,0.13749169213237294,0.07867123797571082,0.3793853420442912,0.0,0.0,0.13810024000646248,0.0,0.0,0.11315287050195802,0.0,0.0803976202585162,0.0,0.115676562548497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770673088582267,0.0,0.0,0.09498727038272366,0.0,0.2129428717144228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620925479137381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,KatNap720,2020/03/01,"Hiiiii!!!! 👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻 After a year of speculation, I finally found a good therapist and got the official BPD diagnosis on Friday. And I immediately felt so much lighter. There was an explanation for so much that had left me wondering. And then I found BPD subreddits today, and, after one meme, I knew I'd found my people. I know it probably sounds weird, but I'm happy to know I have BPD, because I can finally see why I think the way I do. And I'm hopeful I can finally figure out who I am as authentically as possible, outside of my BPD. So I just wanted to say hello. Because knowing I'm not alone in this, that there are people who understand...it's empowering. And makes me feel so much less alone. Lots of love to all of you! Stay strong! We'll figure out how to thrive, together. ♡",1.6704471544715458,3.506630841463416,4.8630243902439005,79.67059349593498,79.0,8.763577235772358,24.95772357723577,9.3871,2.303724065040651,614,23,130,18,15,225,99,164,0.009000000000000001,0.815,0.177,0.9813,1,2,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,1,0,1,8,6,0,0,5,0,9,1,0,2,1,30,29,15,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,6,8,0,0,13,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,8,5,18,5,17,20,6,15,0,0,1,1,7,5,0,3,8,78,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280462908374245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422334158995786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5546331167354506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055666328592859145,0.0,0.10570654463786434,0.3618044997342456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621338751960085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234078485458032,0.08805142907868115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719604539381302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093471897285563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18151270042861434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961636634484216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359713141567848,0.09936323058267443,0.0,0.0734879322123345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24279306681452556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460186585277899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526492480360226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241133154292198,0.0,0.0,0.1186988742301368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755037220237831,0.0,0.0,0.08772986700373221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173444893826882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782645811488602,0.0,0.07054314887264064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435529091656252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461069536708984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493570365768113,0.08738669878596181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934180839429284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939116196464444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089628229151886 bpd,peagrl,2020/03/01,"HAPPY!! I did yoga for the first time in ages! I actually managed to give myself a kick and just did it! Feeling amazing. Feeling SO amazing. Feeling so good about myself. Oh god, life gets better.",0.5620463320463323,2.756666054054058,2.736293436293437,84.85918918918921,104.67567567567568,3.1953667953667955,24.204633204633204,5.288315135182226,0.7760687258687264,152,7,25,1,7,51,30,37,0.0,0.491,0.509,0.9747,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,7,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,4,5,4,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,18,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.33222768531776936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010981797148408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5164215110282928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28958450049088325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17786978628241384,0.3265882987704721,0.0,0.2855512410558491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624127330273711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404681631448925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19851769624489848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Final-Potential,2020/03/01,"I don't know how to function in relationships that aren't unstable, and I'm worried my actions may drive this person away I met a girl recently. We hit it off almost instantly and became intimate, but comfortably so. We've done a lot of talking and getting to know each other, watching TV, playing games, and I haven't felt used for just sex. We've been trying to take it slow and not commit to anything to make sure it is right. Recently she got me the deepest red roses I've ever seen, and I cried. I felt really appreciated. I don't know if hookups do that. She works really long days, yet she's texted me every single day without fail at least once. I hate that one night can make me feel like everything is ruined. I hate that one bad night makes my brain forcibly re-contextualize every interaction I've had in the past two weeks to try to spot any one thing I could have fucked up in order to make a person start the path towards hating me. She had a pretty bad week, and had just gotten over feeling sick. We had postponed a hangout earlier in the week to later because of it, and she recently told me that she needs some space in order to recharge. We ended up getting together, and she was very low energy. But my brain likes to think that low energy means angry. That something is about to happen, and I can stop it by not doing anything to make it worse. So despite being cuddly and open to physical contact in the past, I hesitated. I felt like if I touched her, she might scream at me, or get angry, or upset. I've seen it in the past with people I've dated before. I didn't want to do anything to fuck things up. I hated it. I was afraid that she wouldn't want to be touched by me. I was terrified she was angry at me, or annoyed that I was there. The low energy is not something I've ever seen before with her. So I stayed distant and didn't try to do anything because I wasn't sure what would happen. After a while of sitting about a foot away from her, she got under a blanket and asked if I wanted some. I was still nervous, but I did. Then even later, she asked if I wanted to lie down with her. Then we did, and I felt relief. And she leaned over and kissed me. So now I'm thinking - what if she was confused that I wasn't cuddling her or being close like normal? We cuddled for a long time, and she was just as intimate about it as usual, just more sleepy about it. When it was time for bed, she got in and apologized that she was boring and low energy. I told her I was just happy to see her. She thanked me for coming over and spending the night with her. I couldn't fall asleep for a while, but I did. We haven't had any conflict yet, so this was the first thing - but I think maybe it was entirely within my head. If you were in this situation, and you were her, what would you think during that situation of me? And what do I do from here? Should I even talk about it? Am I overreacting and over-correcting like a big ol dumb bitch because I want this to work so badly?",3.8009632564281834,4.559565451876022,4.905079235609417,85.89130641653074,71.47960848287113,7.795680882467179,25.361959139283773,7.957251820313856,1.2575424065874317,2334,66,497,30,42,769,253,613,0.198,0.6890000000000001,0.113,-0.9966,0,0,2,0,0,0,71.0,6,3,0,4,28,37,9,4,20,0,59,12,5,7,5,109,116,52,0,19,24,0,8,5,0,6,1,1,1,3,37,37,0,2,14,4,1,4,15,24,0,5,43,15,86,13,72,61,7,81,0,6,6,6,51,34,4,17,44,354,123,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563134591626156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914229477125878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21574357088189894,0.0,0.1225467793790372,0.0,0.12315867210541293,0.0,0.16417574876541088,0.11986229853262452,0.0,0.11154367972696352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633421187895795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05645906001463705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052330352817489316,0.0,0.07199535834887455,0.08453898030037295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707273312547132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580512007437328,0.0,0.0,0.08658040589233196,0.11857388682567427,0.11044476574711536,0.0,0.05890537258049069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628051442195809,0.0468235749253369,0.25172431282863833,0.0,0.0,0.055750416814385834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118596978272315,0.10272975287476567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726097344074344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591803216261345,0.06977120975351635,0.0,0.258838596833776,0.06726551376652226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806133135274376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16010377351864846,0.0,0.0,0.11600609957276545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557218894749113,0.0,0.0,0.218750637681912,0.0,0.06584625052074956,0.07139499668204544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953023465117042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04859893308685296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845215881652665,0.06421773377552055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980062316977816,0.1332398822740323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770319693119505,0.04543891676399575,0.11445836539864053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668028521103297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397640731716287,0.0,0.19414593422398152,0.07036811614761823,0.0,0.0559729366778406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05222888649354231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147345031709122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091563686582283,0.0,0.0,0.0463913186762979,0.0698595840382429,0.05234232497390884,0.05479646459914081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354606072241694,0.0,0.04927980295560526,0.1053611572044059,0.0,0.060342727867459374,0.0,0.0,0.1306305734745968,0.16798794942705034,0.0,0.0,0.07643671737903081,0.0,0.0,0.12525733456769514,0.0,0.13349716504531642,0.0,0.06402549856889084,0.0,0.0,0.056607675867881874,0.0721858037122268,0.05407942646876762,0.19329332253353607,0.0,0.15772271953712907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318063088013726,0.0,0.09543144086696354,0.06656159001604102,0.06679340670896246,0.09311902264819134,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Movingforwardtimes,2020/03/01,"When you psych yourself into idealizing the person you like and obsessing over them The shit sucks. I’ve been trying to stop myself from idealizing this girl I like for about a week now, and all it leads to is more overthinking and creating false scenarios. I intentionally wanted to stop it cause I idealize every girl I thought I had a crush on and then go into a spiral of obsession until I devalue them and realize I never had feelings. It’s such an exhausting process and I’m trying to stop it, but it seems inevitable for my broken mind.",8.761057692307695,7.483412221153848,9.200846153846154,66.14415384615387,61.40384615384616,12.935384615384615,37.14615384615385,11.979248473330829,4.534490769230769,437,17,77,12,5,147,70,104,0.18600000000000005,0.716,0.098,-0.8029999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,2,4,4,10,2,2,6,0,4,2,1,3,2,26,11,10,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,6,8,0,3,4,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,4,1,13,5,14,7,2,15,0,0,0,0,7,4,2,1,11,57,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24688210714166156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20248592589044576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151659012935848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658341504943156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23482333888928186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24266183617948606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18535505591700285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098443320230956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21878474300598807,0.0,0.0,0.24669228887172145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.60277258744622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079285273750274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263326168526499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141751135481641,0.0,0.19277588324140096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ValenstineDay,2020/03/01,"I Feel Like My BF Didn’t Miss Me, Is It Bad That I Do? Hi, this is very touchy for me and I was gonna put this is in a community just for relationship advice but was scared to. I do suffer from BPD and I know how it can twist and make situations worse than they are so felt more comfortable placing this here. Yesterday, I got discharged from a mental health hospital. I was placed in one for self harm and to learn how to cope better. I was there for a week. The day before I was put in the hospital, my bf’s grandfather died. Now I know that it’s still a family member but he never said he was close to his grandfather so I didn’t think it would really effect him. And from what I’ve seen and heard, it really hasn’t. I was more concerned on how seeing his mother grieve would effect him. Fast forward to now, I called him when I got discharged and he was tired. He told me and I could tell through his voice. When he answered I greeted him happily and was simply greeted with a dry, “Hey.” That was heart crushing. I tried to brush it off and start more conservation. Kept reminding myself he’s tired and still grieving. The conversation didn’t even exist. No, “I missed you , baby.” No, “I love you, baby girl. I’m so happy you’re home.” No nothing. I felt so unwanted and not missed. It hurt so bad. I ended the call early because he was tired. I told him how I felt. He responded saying he was sorry he wasn’t as expressive and that he was tired and had a lot going on. I acknowledged that I understood. He’s always been bad at expressing his self. He then offered to come over. I happily excepted. When he came over, he smiled as soon as he saw me and embraced me with a kiss and he hug. The rest of the night he only wanted me close and to touch and hold me. We even had some sexual context but no sex. It was nice. I felt missed. Then this morning he calls me and I miss it so I call back. I’m once again greeted with no emotion. No nothing. I ask if he’s okay and he says he’s fine. Just tired. I asked why he called if tired. He says because he knows I’d want to hear him. I say yes but if he’s tired to rest. I talk but he says nothing at all. I ask again if he’s okay and then he gets a little irritated and says not to ask that again and that if something was wrong he’d tell me. I say I’m sorry. I then try to change the subject. I asked how it was without me. He said it was weird. I asked how. He said it just was. I asked if he was bored without me because we always were together and played games together. He said no. It was weird. I asked if he was lonely. He said no. All answers made me feel like an idiot. Why would he miss me? He has other things and other people more important than me. I’m basically nothing. He even said himself he had other things besides me. It hurt so much. Without me talking, it got quiet so I tried again to talk. I playfully asked if he missed me. He said yes. I said how much. He said I don’t know how answer that. I got a little disappointed and got quiet. He then said he missed his grandfather too. At that moment I just felt horrible. I felt selfish, unwanted, definitely not missed, and annoying. I told him I know he did that I was gonna go clean and hung up. He noticed before I hung up that I was sad and asked if I was okay. I didn’t answer and just ended the call. I know he’s grieving I do. I thought I’d be missed. I thought he’d be happy to have me back. He hasn’t called me by any pet names. I just feel nothing. The thing is, he’s done this before. I would think it was just because he’s grieving but this isn’t the first. I genuinely thought he’d be so happy to have me back. That when he first hear my voice, even if tired, he’d sound so happy. I thought that when I’d call him again, he’d be so happy. I just didn’t get what I thought. I’m heartbroken. I feel stupid and selfish and hurt. Am I wrong for have wanting more? Am I selfish?",-0.6350973829677002,1.5431103808948023,1.5867091682501306,96.83825687726723,93.316807738815,4.8399075833477285,17.299285282432198,6.500173549331134,-0.20970581274831626,3003,82,700,39,112,1002,268,827,0.21600000000000005,0.644,0.14,-0.9968,0,2,1,0,0,0,109.0,2,2,1,5,52,56,3,1,20,5,71,14,1,12,3,133,160,80,5,20,31,1,11,2,2,6,9,25,3,3,43,41,0,3,32,3,0,7,25,37,0,3,74,40,115,19,51,70,13,62,0,21,3,4,138,20,0,12,39,428,158,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03782934990084684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442370521799749,0.0,0.0,0.02632578780134756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619090711036148,0.0,0.0,0.08930243406625354,0.09696981517507604,0.09439498035954476,0.0,0.0988243095135226,0.0,0.0,0.03423800867131438,0.0,0.0,0.048756965015197634,0.0,0.3162378495583957,0.044276720090326065,0.0,0.0,0.04095263013736486,0.033347340613629865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030908734565963887,0.0,0.0,0.02496632223840262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040177402485424334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039616268440217074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04354628625965523,0.06857546561099638,0.0,0.0,0.10227681031208828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03649464463133373,0.0,0.07829669462802348,0.05531235204334694,0.2230200892058498,0.0,0.0,0.06585756611531192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04045130588879449,0.0,0.044002345391661216,0.0,0.15480938002391764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20605056974667396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041149515156610264,0.08726347045924583,0.045874429701615926,0.0,0.0,0.0388317353549156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432740824149867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765207294801018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037825887059895626,0.07760007323414403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032911933487259105,0.03493948998813411,0.03663064827956166,0.025840855382063703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0390130358799728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569161977887197,0.0,0.029857421516363614,0.0,0.0,0.036329003998766714,0.0,0.1857281590281324,0.0440743713579226,0.0,0.04122748687779727,0.026232552321158016,0.029442556294236682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026838332661764275,0.0,0.0808925239196363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783339253340259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049600362768851394,0.0,0.0,0.04156267456287332,0.0,0.0,0.3682439703154077,0.21549981160627174,0.038757907492181616,0.0,0.030848803846880067,0.0,0.08077103893916046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043514406357955136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029802728870561512,0.0,0.08667081789742202,0.02740086542377587,0.0,0.06183161175413573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334678249595314,0.06767276057507259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771564781114287,0.04961073888829151,0.0,0.15366677208535087,0.0,0.35595405440869204,0.0,0.11097419083229786,0.0,0.07884962010642764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03194181862355148,0.06850080319999978,0.0,0.031052785561485288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986391443679063,0.0,0.0,0.11195223676754848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03945128529754182,0.1100008312236338,0.08465195544043577,0.0,0.0 bpd,justthrowitaway678,2020/03/01,"After 3 1/2 years, I found out I was misdiagnosed. It feels good to be home. After an overdose in 2016, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Over the past year or so, I remember thinking that bipolar didn’t seem to quite “fit” and that I identified more with the symptoms associated with borderline. Welp. I was right. A week ago my boyfriend of 11 months broke up with me due to use fighting non-stop (90% of the time it was my fault), and I overdosed again. I went to a mental hospital and was psychologically evaluated. Turns out I do indeed have bpd. Reading through all these posts really does make me feel understood. It’s like my thoughts are being echoed with every post I read. I’m going to be starting DBT in the next month. My ex and I have chosen to agree to not date other people in the mean time, as we believe that we still have a special connection and still have the potential to have an amazing relationship if we focus on ourselves for a while. But for the time being, I am my biggest concern, and I will do whatever it takes to achieve any form of recovery. Thank you all for providing me with a home right after such an intense life event. I’m ready to get better.",4.812256493506496,5.898349692640692,5.620711580086581,80.4796387987013,69.3896103896104,8.891883116883117,30.454816017316016,9.188382445141503,2.5336686147186143,933,37,183,18,16,305,145,231,0.035,0.8490000000000001,0.11599999999999999,0.9468,0,0,0,0,2,0,28.0,3,1,0,3,5,9,1,0,15,0,20,5,0,2,2,34,39,12,0,1,4,1,2,1,0,1,5,0,2,0,9,17,0,0,9,2,0,2,2,3,0,0,10,2,25,6,35,24,4,38,0,1,0,0,7,12,0,3,23,124,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189432266604094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124757860120193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117586783500378,0.0,0.11867205688045825,0.0,0.0,0.16899608213633655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13619073728588516,0.0,0.0,0.15378287787774655,0.0,0.11742256521935075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305315248458835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569173791105255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712237518305366,0.0,0.0,0.07010395551049946,0.0,0.07625806870549412,0.11254453000333074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691886640397033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477590187259258,0.06555398510204008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956675866225942,0.0,0.0,0.14616228106297155,0.0,0.0,0.13522273615481736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21420374707959866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270285519731085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809080328348868,0.09302410577639712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570163247261025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427178495959453,0.2684343205568351,0.0,0.08595968778885367,0.0,0.0,0.14406001608270316,0.1520007449634367,0.2291794238484461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215320548125327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497389557204293,0.0,0.21431399873570736,0.11218119801399128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946527907689968,0.10088729946165008,0.0,0.0,0.12353569802585385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597767007643671,0.0,0.10652460598754272,0.2347257963784125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459502327493687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588917172124025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763178343186587,0.0,0.0,0.12438699135588605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281613497324896 bpd,qaaaaaaaaaaa,2020/03/01,"DAE subconsciously knew they had some sorta problem even before finding out about their BPD Whenever I got into a nasty argument with my boyfriend I'd always say ""Tomorrow everything will be okay and I'll love you again just let me be mad"" I'd always mention 'the cycle'. It was basically how I'd love him 99% of the time and one day I'd grow this uncontrollable hatred for him and the next day I'd act like everything is fine. I never would've stopped to think if this is BPD but I knew this wasn't normal. Anyone else had similar experiences?",2.0844444444444434,4.648896703703707,3.762592592592594,84.11666666666669,81.96296296296295,7.303703703703704,22.88888888888889,8.344100000000001,1.6492444444444443,436,15,85,10,12,145,79,108,0.115,0.7809999999999999,0.10400000000000001,-0.3089,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,2,0,5,8,1,1,4,1,10,2,0,1,1,20,16,6,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,7,1,10,5,7,5,1,12,0,0,0,2,9,2,0,3,9,47,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987585332643744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552812574721214,0.18394468267836594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276263947263385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4522111637346039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315576785815533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499701868764085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857463697718967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32269117233863137,0.17560999828915916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408269119938906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435826242995789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18357658037635916,0.0,0.08770689685728668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32405682804298364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384608263231811,0.0,0.19092698304380204,0.0,0.17589648353922888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165085551553652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717812775783063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276556701867296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15009102418754078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503243669604432,0.0,0.0,0.10468253089755188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752948190045266,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shelbyllyn,2020/03/01,"Very recently diagnosed with quiet BPD. Can I just say that my entire life makes sense now? I always thought I was really weird and kinda crazy, and that I just felt too much. Just so so so so so much makes sense now. They're looking into putting me in a DBT group and some others. My quiet BPD made me crash and burn about 6 months ago, and I just switched into long-term disability. I just feel so validated in my struggles. It was so hard for me to reach out in the first place. I just feel like I get to see myself through a different and more understanding lens than before. It's hard to talk about but I'm really glad I finally got a proper diagnosis and that I can finally get the help I need after 25 years of suffering alone.",2.5401652039235927,4.387379805369129,4.006174496644295,86.75455859576665,76.4496644295302,7.806091894682499,22.19979349509551,8.617729084823388,1.2931141972121836,577,16,123,12,13,191,92,149,0.111,0.8029999999999999,0.086,-0.1608,1,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,18,5,0,1,5,0,4,2,0,3,0,29,19,15,0,1,7,0,5,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,6,11,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,6,10,18,2,17,13,4,18,0,1,2,0,4,7,0,2,11,79,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379198264235126,0.0,0.0,0.15631988298782473,0.0,0.0,0.12558739415731576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843189184480658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801867751976164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319265561060447,0.0,0.15769166413976146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263136164229169,0.10782574728246816,0.14491824995845518,0.3306769390561773,0.0,0.1283825586556701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577113293823708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120713992233294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270410591866267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116644081778108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660763268558404,0.07373768043093132,0.0,0.0,0.13356994201855935,0.12674474493853408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281537046516074,0.20149637027227807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204723665897463,0.0,0.22190455955429345,0.11191405794146296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769166413976146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517282018104538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19338162213176768,0.0,0.14902699813739956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002706896007365,0.0,0.0,0.12027314712465614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778674553757388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131330775390305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982303352135715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712538382576965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453458713693462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719516604620236 bpd,fillyfox91,2020/03/01,"Needing some support tonight Hi, this is my first post here. I recently got diagnosed with BPD, having my son in 2018 seemed to trigger things. Since then my relationship has gone down hill. I understand completely that I was vile, I was not medicated, hated myself & the situation I was in. Anyway since then I've undergone treatment for my postpartum psychosis/depression, i absolutely adore my son now. I know I could be a better mum, but I love him so much & I always try to do what I feel is best for him. I'm now under the adult mental health team, I am going to start psychology on the 10th of this month. I am so anxious and worried about this as I feel that if this doesn't 'fix me"" my partner will leave me. He's reached out for help on another bpd sub and they all told him to leave and to take my son as I won't be able to raise him without damaging him. My partner stated he had no intentions of this and loves me dearly but also feels he has fell into depression due to my BPD. Tonight for the first time in a long time, I don't want to wake in the morning. I can generally see how much I hurt and destroyed the people I love. I worry everyday that my son will grow up to be damaged like myself but all I can do is learn from my own childhood. I just want to be normal and for everything I am doing to be enough.",5.044107142857143,4.864575340659339,6.149356684981687,81.36491414835167,68.48717948717949,9.608882783882784,30.249313186813183,9.354420925462401,2.375762087912088,1040,36,222,19,16,349,153,273,0.13,0.715,0.155,0.8889,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,1,5,10,16,3,0,8,0,29,7,1,3,2,35,51,18,0,6,7,5,3,1,2,3,3,0,0,3,10,9,0,0,7,1,0,4,6,7,0,2,7,4,45,9,35,35,8,34,0,4,1,3,25,11,0,3,18,160,55,2,0.10874802780441972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696575854561417,0.09048707075615016,0.2356568853832853,0.0,0.0,0.11403178906815126,0.0,0.12285431752353727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412434596059295,0.09617879327826734,0.0,0.0,0.4108930023434435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140202381351224,0.0,0.0,0.08682645129427015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873290339958012,0.11037695909348416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236578290218037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773571527730042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495881111164526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850020337929673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06180401030053592,0.0,0.08697573215659513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736616328312827,0.0,0.11559406826905895,0.0,0.0,0.0728915107272586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641701294484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976507207468601,0.0,0.0,0.2302969189384774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05312879331017948,0.0,0.0,0.09623858250604683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944480226998993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095521971401733,0.10959243421774288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680163827678412,0.0,0.15988462628939745,0.0806352846757203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654997785578003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539218982591908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415054990524228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737555799703642,0.11675468404865713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665809850549919,0.09900012022285767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17991498474185524,0.12223733961592055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697241380299563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340597323002166,0.0,0.0,0.08176498304987688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224735750647049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268236990824616,0.0,0.0,0.10391340086147227,0.0,0.07383277247117698,0.0,0.0,0.11321053214958715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828480872658435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482921812103868,0.0,0.0,0.22087780198055398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chj23,2020/03/01,"My FP makes me miserable My boyfriend has become my favorite person for a while now, but he makes me feel awful. I don't know why. He always seems angry whenever I have problems, but other times he's super supportive. I can't tell if this is just me overthinking or not. Either way, he makes me miserable. We're long distance, I should probably mention. I told him I wanted a break for a while because my anxiety is getting worse, and he got pissed at me. I can't tell if it's just my borderline and its weird quirks, or he's actually doing something wrong. I don't want a life without him because I'm dead set on marriage, but he keeps offering to break up. I feel terrible. This is my first time posting on here I'm really sorry if I messed something up. I'll delete this soon probably. Just seeking another opinion from like-minded people.",2.9484630738522952,5.025851191616766,4.5088862275449095,82.56580439121757,76.0059880239521,7.8066267465069865,27.899800399201588,8.648137234880735,2.316074171656686,667,28,126,14,15,223,103,167,0.28600000000000003,0.659,0.054000000000000006,-0.9924,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,6,10,1,2,4,1,11,2,1,3,0,29,27,12,1,7,14,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,2,2,23,2,10,24,1,18,0,2,0,0,16,5,1,7,8,75,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.15140726800981294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909999883836026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162691793570231,0.11869187204505187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891600586077416,0.17135466215072764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690037000078452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319733424244096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106121070780366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409029076254845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790740771884266,0.0,0.0,0.08526821203229269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958938473258788,0.07580007947335915,0.0,0.0,0.13730581381309254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106981557659334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666063309174635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756378273286137,0.13547390237802825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859400088235794,0.0,0.3345630609411901,0.1484607819799863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939519551340706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124576360982233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23888922560726025,0.0,0.17368144927421975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606615914859505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712216964878899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809423077507404,0.0,0.0,0.1482556548510478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18302690670816815,0.1231534908018288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400017469053191,0.0,0.0,0.14956227253861545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581144974152041,0.0,0.1696358089315882,0.0,0.0 bpd,shygurrrl,2020/03/01,"To the person who is giving out reddit awards to most of the posts on here. You are amazing. You trying to make others feel better is very heartwarming. You might not have had anything to write back because I'm assuming you are probably going through or have gone through the same shit. Regardless of that, I think you are pretty rad. And I hope this post brings a smile on your face like you did on mine.",4.291434599156118,5.843607278481013,4.182974683544305,88.52399789029535,71.15189873417722,7.2919831223628675,24.55907172995781,7.793537801064563,1.1346945147679328,321,9,64,4,6,98,59,79,0.038,0.6829999999999999,0.27899999999999997,0.9682,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,7,0,2,2,7,1,0,4,0,10,2,2,1,0,14,19,2,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,3,1,10,6,12,15,2,10,0,0,0,0,11,4,1,5,2,47,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20603742233950886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19252304237463527,0.0,0.15262637290124803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22143648142984332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659720321689233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401826667447212,0.14229397263915244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24867902642743905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232065564787968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712736268846645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26560847701979523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186179312368852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4795803840722846,0.2547215479855987,0.2699467682238456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570065025120245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043029204794346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699882977625373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065857274110548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Sarahhhhh94,2020/03/01,"Is anybody else sick of ""normal"" people.. \- flaking \- being passive-aggressive and CONSTANTLY beating around the bush \- playing stupid mind games \- only being in it for their own benefit (friendships & relationships alike) \- taking too damn long to reply even though they've clearly seen your message \- lying about big and small things \- expecting you to trust them fully but don't reciprocate the trust \- being fickle \- being ingenuine \- being inconsiderate of your feelings while fully expecting you to accommodate theirs \- being fucking passive-aggressive and never direct. oh did I mention that before?? that's because I fucking hate it the most. &#x200B; Yeah I'm crazy but I don't do this shit.",6.3792318840579725,9.846403843478264,6.1040217391304346,68.3687862318841,71.43478260869566,7.659420289855072,32.19202898550725,8.59863814320734,3.49168115942029,562,26,71,11,12,175,86,115,0.2,0.696,0.10400000000000001,-0.9433,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,4,3,1,5,10,6,0,3,1,11,4,1,0,2,14,18,7,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,2,10,4,9,10,2,8,0,0,1,2,11,4,4,1,4,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4326829939001096,0.2426199353176886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777479221123548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171649227890168,0.0,0.16990378457349392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21577147358241106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16679799728166228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318796247983246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095874792129994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36918191965145497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971319993360439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670096054987816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016089747324598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539971978010764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19563342417789265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518574255626179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384254839722064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143699988390726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20495756653322506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501263907679642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326513456054038,0.0,0.1961739771926855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426199353176886,0.0 bpd,Familiar_Phrase,2020/03/01,Recently diagnosed Just wanted to say hello 👋🏻 haven’t really come to terms with it yet.,6.41,6.074862222222228,8.474444444444442,66.36500000000001,65.66666666666667,13.866666666666667,29.11111111111111,13.023866798666859,4.4390444444444475,72,2,13,3,1,26,17,18,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4234714961737458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4989655670830949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149327569452581,0.0,0.4853975560377421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39094155193193975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289959529869786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,juancarias,2020/03/01,"I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong This time I tried and I did everything the way I was supposed to, I let her know I have BPD, I explained to her what I might feel and how to handle it, I would tell her as best as I could when I was splitting or being paranoid or feeling abandonment. I tried to be as clear as possible, and every time she would tell me she understood how I felt, that she would try to do the things I said would help, that she would never just leave me. Guess who got ignored the whole day yesterday, ghosted tonight, lied to and dumped this morning 🙄",5.0392436974789945,4.89114048739496,5.318991596638657,87.20689075630254,68.49579831932773,8.816806722689076,29.605042016806717,8.418075326091056,1.8300050420168068,454,15,100,6,7,144,71,119,0.135,0.763,0.102,-0.6062,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,3,0,17,0,0,2,2,29,28,13,1,6,4,0,3,0,0,6,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,2,7,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,7,4,23,1,10,11,2,8,0,1,0,0,13,0,0,4,7,76,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626154451538332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19516007714879155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371875527085825,0.0,0.0,0.0999329915766804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305560559860009,0.0,0.13926333345852832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669955009850908,0.0,0.1487808555542691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393146513285655,0.0,0.1707001216054645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386289941097664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851590755528348,0.0,0.0,0.1640747014824871,0.0,0.15845172548631645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438249737652375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951065216592607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468819285028195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739744697794738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708745544474766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294504737980792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807107160944568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156123015107024,0.0,0.0,0.16131335454018148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229958642010274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17300143927825165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5503770256553098,0.16941868868788268,0.0,0.0 bpd,crwcc,2020/03/01,"I'm scared of turning 20 because I feel like I'm wasting my youth I'm about to turn 20 this year, the idea terrifies me. I already feel really old or too old to experience some things, when watching movies set in high school I feel depressed because I spent all my school years first bullied then depressed. I've become obsessed with anti aging, to at least keep the appearances once I'm older. It feels awful. I often catch myself crying thinking about my fleeting youth and how I'm still depressed and achieving nothing, spending all my free time alone in my room because of mental issues and lack of friends. I keep fantasizing about doing great things and finding some sort of meaning but it's all just daydreaming. I feel embarrassed of myself, like I don't deserve to be here because I'm not doing anything meaningful with my life",6.651455696202532,7.52062844936709,6.330227848101269,77.81951898734178,65.13924050632912,8.345316455696205,34.787341772151905,8.238735603445708,2.8291017721519,677,30,115,8,10,211,98,158,0.18899999999999997,0.7390000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.9223,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,10,11,0,3,2,1,4,1,0,1,3,32,23,9,0,1,4,0,5,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,5,6,0,2,10,0,3,2,2,6,0,1,1,6,17,6,17,21,7,21,0,3,1,0,1,5,0,6,15,68,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254646283207014,0.14122674659273102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531487116174186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120564529581896,0.1413414873683503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057766556400886,0.0,0.0,0.3306814198294595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518690030468674,0.0,0.0,0.32354724677768565,0.09142740597898864,0.0,0.0,0.11696944197379827,0.10885789903300537,0.0,0.0,0.09887537417083744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410960381671479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521563145625978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447142203446126,0.0,0.1335756320920929,0.0,0.2275051974827399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039454452812844,0.1250470321721357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940540330221166,0.0,0.0,0.12897157824985864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279820452319877,0.0,0.26858246359798715,0.13629224001596865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198589168688852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281281598875706,0.2590408455979349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220328120833433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17004560193412918,0.08200304267847526,0.0,0.0,0.07462491707069911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278406315370948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648270868371013 bpd,xpancakeu,2020/03/01,"I broke up with my boyfriend because of my bpd I really hate having this. I'm only 16 and have ruined my life with various drugs and bad coping mechanisms. The thing that made me break up was the fact that he got angry because I was 'cold', I was cold because I was having a huge mood swing that made me want to disappear and not live since everything seemed unreal. He was extremely angry and had to respect when I told him it was because of my bpd. This triggered me to the point of wanting to kill myself and having to go to a psych ward for one night. He had been ignorant about ly bpd for a while and that's why I always held it in. But I suddenly couldn't and it ruined my relationship. I don't want it to be like this, not hiding how I truly am then being triggered by them disappearing for an hour just to come back angry at you, for being 'cold'. All I did was not want to talk because I was so high and having an awful mood swing. Needed to get this out since I hate how it ruins my life when it barely has started.",5.941959026888603,4.755161821596244,6.808766538625694,80.73583866837389,66.93427230046946,9.811182244985064,28.75330772513871,8.841846274778883,1.954524882629108,800,20,171,11,11,268,115,213,0.20199999999999999,0.7240000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9862,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,1,0,8,13,3,0,8,1,24,3,0,6,2,34,42,16,1,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,15,12,0,2,1,0,0,4,5,9,0,1,17,3,26,2,26,21,2,22,0,4,0,0,9,8,0,1,10,123,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066642716822994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857012577281853,0.10703321782789124,0.3907168873804169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4843521010026496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042425414863327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865959448872834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520882265595142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697393555099047,0.0,0.07285327827129309,0.0,0.10252517897853844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25312198779822576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543967483305566,0.0,0.0,0.12624123647972052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182313915269584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810886446443481,0.06262711342553376,0.0,0.11319403640663585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24259277896350506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505119173333394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029754387331533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868647985469317,0.09749420071270692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118089673075455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212173689816568,0.0,0.0,0.13762798635738308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669927683357433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120800314548548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073347594652988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303419147889806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516367813657634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224909495721125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30243891367859715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567145238012418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,KizzWhalifa,2020/03/01,"I feel like I'm living a double life and I'm struggling with it so much. I got diagnosed over ten years ago and I've got so good at hiding and repressing my feelings over the years when I'm around other people and I cant stop. It feels like for every minute I spend faking a smile when I'm around other people, I spend the same amount of time crying when I'm alone. I'm in so much pain all the time, and yet I feel like i cant show anybody or talk about it. I do have a team of therapists, psychiatrists and psychologists, but I feel like even with then I put this fake happiness on and dont really open up about how much I'm struggling. I rarely leave the house because it's so exhausting putting on that act, but i cant not put on that fake personality because I feel like if anyone knew how bad I really was, tthey will abandon me. I live with my bf, so obviously hes seen alot of how bad I can be, but that's only because sometimes I cant control it, but the majority of the time, I smile and pretend to be ok, and then as soon as he goes to work I break down, when he goes to sleep I cry quietly. Constantly repressing all this pain is starting to takea big toll on me, I dont know what's worse, the feeling of having no control that I had when I was younger, or what I've ended up programming myself to do. I need a middle ground but I'm seriously struggling with how to do that. It makes me feel so uncomfortable being vulnerable in front of other people. Most people see me as this smiley bubbly person, the few times they see me when I go out. When in reality i cry at home, by myself every day.",4.955565905915229,4.343191241887908,6.3011644154634405,81.6650861667443,68.73451327433628,9.496724111162862,28.16658903896911,8.99025400887824,1.8976395280235985,1257,35,279,20,19,429,160,339,0.215,0.68,0.105,-0.9923,0,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,1,4,24,23,0,5,13,1,21,6,1,7,3,54,48,39,0,2,9,0,8,5,1,1,5,1,1,2,19,17,0,6,10,3,2,6,8,15,0,1,7,12,37,8,40,37,12,51,0,1,3,0,9,21,0,5,28,180,56,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347417681953614,0.0,0.0,0.08584576217664153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05795640121948192,0.0,0.0,0.14757370974288087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138414087625437,0.1515811331774753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957122095952523,0.1859292636302034,0.0,0.0,0.27314188370258313,0.05345515057059786,0.0,0.0,0.08412839127944066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19428550317792492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341313239252661,0.0,0.0,0.054745971822629934,0.0,0.13967146425872884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352805880301656,0.2960718521792382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04710649762327985,0.06952154342630351,0.1325843452615613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823457556775212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831422522105295,0.0,0.0,0.09564027729504236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04555243603046473,0.0,0.0,0.08776518879495741,0.0,0.0,0.0585454217775624,0.20247160043690512,0.0,0.1463811851294472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055327605008499585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18279407917891646,0.061459536807700874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303917192380286,0.1763948696657242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22985317577799466,0.14474717188945904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24997248358593346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619885599677606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321001498587819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294669341051762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197719777262903,0.0,0.05866772738916401,0.0,0.0,0.06929710425832013,0.0,0.25995394520158044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662129709446121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962380022311865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933279167598524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603426019877145,0.0,0.08446876458799725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675280648426977 bpd,TheFleshIsDead,2020/03/01,"If you have been struggling and meds won't work PM me for an alternative solution You can't have been diagnosed with a psychosis, bipolar or ADHD. Only message me if meds arent working. Things such as anxiety, depression or feelings of emptiness.",7.003333333333334,8.359381777777777,7.304444444444448,69.41000000000001,64.55555555555556,10.444444444444443,41.66666666666667,10.504223727775694,4.989000000000001,200,12,31,5,3,65,37,45,0.225,0.7290000000000001,0.047,-0.8316,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,2,1,2,0,1,2,0,7,2,0,0,0,7,8,6,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,4,0,4,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,4,0,24,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304706145603079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21035773236564725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368385031396305,0.2790972997105292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903734717474278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6108780520926538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091334731634269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874671402106095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18268343825452865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003751175114661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lautasia,2020/03/01,"DAE feel like their DBT workbook is full of bad advice? My workbook isn't in English so it's a bit hard to do cross reference. Like in the title, I feel like the book gives bad advice. On ""rebelling"" there is a list of things to do instead of harmful rebelling (I don't even know what that means!!). Here are some of the things suggested: -wear strange underwear -wear mismatched shoes -think secret thoughts -dye your hair a bright colour Like okay, these are not permanent really, so sure why not, go for it. But then some of the advice is like this: -shave your head -get a tattoo There are ofc other things on that list, but those two, especially the tattoo one just feels like a bad advice. Especially since a lot of bpd ppl have inpulse control problems. Is it just me or is getting a tattoo when distressed a bad advice in general (I'm talking about an impulse decition, not the kinda deal when somebody has been thinking it over for a while)",3.0883302639656227,5.588352679558014,3.1957550644567227,90.06065531000615,77.45303867403315,5.790178023327195,24.97268262737876,6.937597516519254,0.9947419275629223,749,27,144,8,18,228,111,181,0.136,0.773,0.091,-0.9108,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,2,1,1,12,18,2,1,16,1,15,5,5,1,1,26,28,9,0,1,8,0,5,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,14,0,0,1,10,1,0,2,5,9,0,2,2,7,7,9,17,26,5,13,0,0,2,0,8,7,0,5,10,94,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.566190959303495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38702529699903615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651273156022813,0.0,0.14594886175436872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997110646717738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946887660343755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653872654021808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757797084456678,0.2483575880646115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108674215277995,0.11116422285611392,0.06585820325807575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380718284767487,0.0,0.11892798862979445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368551563706681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396834786283525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851842150354746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262290716026966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852439443249905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088307385520024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423674224247946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585848536919256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921706891179783,0.0,0.0,0.0931412681208412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309598260233967,0.1485045443103857,0.0,0.09199707351897016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131995184374498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456515070796464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,--jam--,2020/03/01,"I’m in a horrible cycle and I want just one good day. TLDR: daily episodes of rage/splitting leave me too emotionally drained to do anything for a significant amount of time after - meaning I sit and do nothing until the next outburst. I am splitting so much on my bf, like majority of the days. I have horrible outbursts of rage and sometimes self harm and often experience intrusive suicidal thoughts and ideation during and after. Then, I feel so emotionally exhausted, self-loathing and anxious that I spend the whole day or days on the sofa smoking weed and doing nothing. Like I do absolutely nothing. This means I am so far behind on my work for my degree, never have the energy to make plans with friends, have completely stopped exercising and am gaining weight. I know all these things get me down and probably make it more likely I’ll have an issue with my bf later on but it feels impossible to fight it. I’ve just got out of bed now and I can’t face the thought of anything, even though I know how much I really should be doing. Feel like there’s no substance in my life now and I just can’t see this getting better, only worse. I really want to have just one good day today. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice? I feel so overwhelmed and just dk what to do",4.115243902439026,6.006283247967483,4.988300813008131,81.20659756097562,72.21138211382114,7.846829268292684,28.96666666666667,8.548686976883017,2.246763252032521,1013,41,189,18,20,329,141,246,0.131,0.772,0.09699999999999999,-0.7524,0,0,0,0,1,0,23.0,0,0,0,4,17,13,2,1,9,0,19,5,1,3,2,45,39,24,1,3,8,0,5,4,3,1,3,0,2,1,9,16,1,1,11,1,1,0,4,5,0,2,4,6,22,8,27,33,7,27,0,1,1,0,5,9,0,3,21,129,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377957929802256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222115076980755,0.0,0.0,0.11997827824433108,0.0,0.07425906087050549,0.0,0.17479075449269213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392723230042906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135100607139596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424582269205593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293827755745604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389264039621846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014556405246715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388614881962943,0.0,0.0,0.21479613184524007,0.0758708864953844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205157097674065,0.0,0.11097255221667816,0.0,0.0,0.17815476518476325,0.08493961631579727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084752446479193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673192430205645,0.0,0.0,0.11245281556311253,0.0,0.0,0.07501376807378463,0.20754015894746355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178161175281415,0.0,0.0,0.23137070154251324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614170154227644,0.0,0.08190969847521958,0.0,0.11294726477652794,0.0,0.0,0.3057116803475017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439307442997957,0.08077157322774474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450395456064195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607172194797532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846294185194223,0.0,0.2215841525836696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503671020458064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878981052982572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616799030138684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055603527868104,0.0,0.1043431409790572,0.25293809702099845,0.0619273679721337,0.0,0.10066728574110484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252816407772575,0.0,0.0,0.12932569173440175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857098484733045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773164803163124,0.0,0.10822913430118183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lodge-san,2020/03/01,"Does anyone else experience strong empathy and little to no ""splitting""? The only reason I didn't agree with my diagnosis three(ish) years ago, was because I didn't see others as ""good and evil."" I also have always had huge well of understanding and empathy for most (if not all) people. Usually I find fault in the actions of others, with the understanding of why they were acting that way. But I also notice I want to just be upfront/honest with everyone on how their actions affect me and others around them (that's another story tho). I have also been aware for some time that I hold much less empathy for myself, but resigned it to the fact that everyone is their own worst critic. I just broke up with my partner because of my mood swings. They said the diagnosis was probably right and they would've liked to have known from the get go. The past few days I've been doing research but everything keeps on bringing up the whole splitting thing. I would love to hear people's experiences. Thank you for reading!",6.541350877192983,7.366312310526322,6.732368421052634,74.99574561403509,65.36842105263158,9.491228070175438,30.570175438596486,9.516144504307137,2.7846491228070174,809,28,141,15,12,260,121,190,0.09699999999999999,0.795,0.10800000000000001,0.2792,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,6,1,9,12,1,0,8,0,15,1,0,3,2,32,27,15,0,3,7,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,1,9,10,0,2,5,1,0,5,4,5,1,0,9,3,22,6,25,16,9,21,0,2,1,1,11,9,0,3,7,107,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203119654484602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33027054568437497,0.11454782026015965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435314094014068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962581589123165,0.14105346025787388,0.0,0.1225505147387866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678378976666771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878215814022572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204710561282605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500095293010253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630884935280729,0.12372389837607188,0.26932442464648104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582278011573134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192397426629099,0.0,0.0782378587803017,0.11546637876316465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551577993786515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236245618949365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725587883305391,0.13797590826112147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424750813693845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011991839359874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673184742489651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469999001081008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131416259924597,0.19087834177928115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842552174753776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770166764004868,0.0,0.0,0.14154194525377609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756465710961415,0.1309503822570981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970071424287378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674289633270513,0.0,0.0,0.09145811940608316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802732266932124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286627019304778,0.0,0.0,0.15161790260273442,0.0,0.0811980379590472,0.10927160383976252,0.0,0.0,0.12377684074289518,0.0,0.12422072102957844,0.1536974016103863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19558569940731865,0.0,0.0,0.08865136891422801 bpd,ihcorex,2020/03/01,"ghosted my therapist and now i'm regretting it lmao i was in this treatment program for a while and i started feeling better so my stupid ass just kinda left cuz i thought i was better lmao. ive been avoiding calling them even though i knew i had till the 28th to call. i scheduled 2 individual appointments like 6 months ago and didn't go to either of them. i feel like i wasted their time and i don't want to explain to her why i didn't go because i don't know why i didn't go or call !!!! i was stupid, but i can't just call them on monday and tell them that's why i ghosted them and expect them to take me back. other people need it more than i do and will use it better than i did. i just feel so shitty because that was literally what i was holding on to and now i have to wait a year till i can get back into it haaaaaaaaaaa. fuck.",1.6217863720073709,2.9926399447513816,3.3933480662983437,92.22600736648252,77.7292817679558,5.9316390423572765,23.116390423572746,6.42735559955562,0.3822151749539593,654,20,151,5,15,219,98,181,0.151,0.7490000000000001,0.1,-0.8948,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,7,3,11,10,3,1,3,0,19,2,1,2,0,32,38,17,2,4,6,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,9,0,3,7,0,0,3,6,5,0,0,13,3,34,5,17,24,2,22,0,1,0,2,14,5,2,2,16,106,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096889207658212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098678903435135,0.0,0.1663768372683239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620793123999675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5573882534183054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013451859835528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20700395886237036,0.09749135133872236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616063570808447,0.07129786257189079,0.0,0.23267035060872515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499815522301333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827072908660902,0.0,0.0,0.1333408075709801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892587451344274,0.0,0.0,0.1011878240354872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460835499539333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659135073196357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260546298544616,0.0,0.11927731570907225,0.0,0.0,0.15844756633564375,0.0,0.0,0.13407717092634672,0.10833877579257473,0.07957443318948057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786282498301742,0.0,0.0,0.0804911937996813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36941806901926055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787964211008505 bpd,lungdartx,2020/03/01,That bout it My life hit the point that I’ve feared to come; I am no longer of use to anyone. No one needs me anymore and are probably better off. I know they say people that do it don’t reach out they just go for it; well Im not or never have been like others. Y’all take care and be sterling for those that couldn’t be,-0.4743309859154934,1.4863038732394358,1.167024647887324,102.50293133802818,87.73239436619718,4.113380281690141,13.100352112676056,5.148860815047168,-1.4720859154929582,249,3,63,1,8,80,55,71,0.128,0.75,0.122,-0.1053,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,2,1,2,5,0,1,1,0,9,1,0,1,1,12,17,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,9,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,1,1,1,1,1,7,4,7,12,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,43,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25844892518018925,0.1822202235458792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304828672244613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26570292383525895,0.0,0.0,0.22448708254985905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932517066433289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810713479035115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28149680413358225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322102307726495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840721580260772,0.1273178441621486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19323440207603626,0.2009937022063564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17659186699902454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18066984919569712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24635480834895496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28097495379469034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20724258712493804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19594161134223168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22507799460732048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343140970576689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,theantimatterplan,2020/03/01,"Fml Damn been dissociated for the 3rd day straight. Got triggered by a comment about my weight, didn't eat all day then had a dissociated binge woohoo winning",6.771379310344829,8.313893206896553,6.340862068965517,75.4278448275862,65.20689655172413,8.558620689655173,35.1896551724138,8.841846274778883,2.861124137931036,129,6,24,2,2,40,26,29,0.081,0.6609999999999999,0.258,0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,3,0,3,2,0,1,1,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,1,1,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,12,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5866978656175044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4654382909361515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637954039457787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5539004566510366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,laurenofthesea,2020/03/01,"Songs you feel you can relate to BPD? Not sure I’ve put the right flair so I’m sorry if I got it wrong. I lurk here a lot but never have the guts to ever post or respond to posts. I’m a musically driven person, and I’ve been trying to find songs that can explain BPD/the feelings we have if that makes sense. A song I can currently relate to is Clementine by Halsey. It sums me up to a T, and I listen to it a lot. Do any of you guys have any songs like that?",0.388532901833873,1.7081477669902938,2.735469255663432,95.83442286947144,81.03883495145631,5.3544768069039925,17.269687162891046,5.82211442006289,-0.6240131607335493,352,6,88,2,9,121,64,103,0.07,0.895,0.035,0.1001,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,3,0,1,3,3,0,0,7,0,9,1,1,1,3,18,18,7,0,2,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,0,2,6,3,0,0,4,4,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,7,9,2,10,15,2,9,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,5,4,54,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26355601116709804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4881218109401254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528638184906534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959634093331285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17711270042678595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498469788724287,0.0,0.0,0.19187406469735413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467180989596953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294920545266583,0.0,0.0,0.12935059761618853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945617160571126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920245494340835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711780541908368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948038424006492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654882675162695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169224262347166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18263668802200664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315648589772201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21186955431049004,0.0,0.0 bpd,utopian-fir,2020/03/01,"Polyamory and BPD I’m curious about anyone’s experience with BPD and polyamory/ENM. I’m polyamorous and I was recently diagnosed with BPD. Though I love being poly and won’t ever go back to monogamy, I’ve found that the lifestyle can frequently trigger certain BPD symptoms in ways that I am just beginning to understand, and ways that were not as severe for me personally when I was in a stable, monogamous relationship. For example, I have 3 partners, and I find that my brain constantly cycles through abandonment fears with the 3 of them for various reasons (they didn’t text back, they went on a tinder date with a new person and I’m afraid they’ll like them better, they’re considering a big life change like moving/children, they seem more aloof lately, they hurt my feelings). I might get momentary “validation” or “resolution” from 1 partner, but I’m still worrying about the other 2. It can be so exhausting because it creates conditions for there to be a near constant state of abandonment fear with all of them at one point or another. And with juggling more intimate relationships, I’m also navigating more conflicts, which I find really drains what little emotional self-regulation I have. I have also struggled to find poly- and kink-friendly therapists who take insurance. Any other polyamorous people here have unique BPD/Poly struggles?",8.062171507607191,9.146362796680501,7.617078838174276,69.06841217150762,62.11203319502074,11.571894882434304,38.05836791147996,11.34169021259432,4.764624674965422,1098,53,176,31,15,346,155,241,0.138,0.784,0.078,-0.9652,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,8,1,14,14,0,5,8,0,17,6,1,2,3,36,32,18,0,0,5,0,1,2,2,3,4,0,0,4,11,15,0,3,8,0,0,2,3,9,0,1,6,1,21,5,27,20,5,26,0,3,0,1,16,8,0,4,15,114,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148985241903432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441061710339102,0.09931873869617316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622813241279901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566262126567384,0.0,0.05773843296067981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376924115439872,0.0,0.0,0.5964619612554525,0.10573518344628717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019773003790516,0.0,0.0,0.20471024967952772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613547632522183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654356069837108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567669524760517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265112619562983,0.0,0.2131652840713781,0.047891619200552515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597080965253612,0.0,0.0,0.10385199388877024,0.07317790238152745,0.0,0.04948557654943034,0.0,0.05382969432976239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139620699581672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684458494808144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690121995263236,0.0925476094541162,0.09493103572049044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548553716209295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047947122558078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147799772383672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418250029031572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566464722023797,0.1654059718092166,0.0,0.0,0.0895379148942619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06067795574820831,0.09738456249481407,0.09352133360540237,0.2033806195858685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622654394580517,0.0988101951860116,0.10700293277451343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564089438906188,0.0,0.0,0.19803696044826835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844693774396143,0.07121518527762767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997341140580988,0.0,0.0,0.09305869581597516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860344516299403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150363446170852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780334772369787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961894261151198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GifCaptioner,2020/03/01,Thoughts of suicide Am I the only one here that feels extremely depressed at times and I feel like taking my life but then I think about how even just later on in the day I probably won’t feel like that and It makes all of my emotions feel so fake I don’t really know anything anymore I don’t know what to do,2.7254545454545465,3.8735436666666665,3.861030303030304,90.89154545454548,74.45454545454545,7.098181818181819,25.32121212121212,7.554174236665415,1.058706666666667,246,8,55,3,5,80,48,66,0.156,0.77,0.07400000000000001,-0.7603,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,2,1,15,15,6,1,0,2,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,8,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,4,8,2,7,13,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,6,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245108654090686,0.0,0.0,0.18629372105071504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145998150949405,0.0,0.194983138034238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546501328435116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952367681531725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4578636986251211,0.3234557755795384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24882808712344895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15990083714736678,0.22119836137784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111224908125134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340281588136848,0.17217428891350192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440789025945401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502659185286831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24762599421279505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021166058795367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145056930607568,0.0,0.1797226229205339,0.13200560690855076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SporraticElk199,2020/03/01,"Favorite Persons Boyfriend Everyone time I I see a picture of her with her boyfriend, I want to physically hurt him. I just want to beat his ass just for dating her and thinking he’s all hot shit with his sucked up face and feminine lips. Literally THE most punchable face on the planet. I haven’t talked to my fp in almost 2 1/2 years and have done EVERYTHING I MEAN EVERYTHING to get her out of my head but she keeps coming back. I’ve even gone as far as soul tie cutting meditation and that didn’t work. I’ve had her deleted from everything for a whole year and still she was in my head, so I decided fuck it and I caved in and checked on her accounts. The only thing I’ve found is she is supposedly my Twin Flame and that’s why I can’t get over her, but I think that’s just a fantasy. Can anyone relate?",2.456785714285715,4.06302348809524,3.769761904761906,89.40857142857145,76.02380952380952,7.419047619047619,25.095238095238088,8.192908349453996,1.3328880952380953,638,22,142,11,14,209,103,168,0.1,0.872,0.027999999999999997,-0.9075,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,7,5,4,0,6,0,10,8,7,0,1,28,24,13,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,12,0,1,5,1,2,2,3,5,0,0,6,2,27,0,21,18,3,17,1,1,1,2,16,9,4,2,6,89,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841169337055045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759796181926133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293228930820932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487537578927906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211032940058685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108375552469373,0.0,0.0,0.16070674406511326,0.4534580270939857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844047592352999,0.0,0.15548313156567434,0.17573809587115596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452100188014965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18004414203604485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494894107022228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18320136699236825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791129154032535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685153007378898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402064355740032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726381633897563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431172956676365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517969693105367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173378501634566,0.21553066323637748,0.0,0.0,0.09806927490038904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19839822152437156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517596406773611,0.1877711081380884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243974531394422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21660959267457372 bpd,lucidw,2020/03/01,"Remaining FWB bad idea? I’m a non, and asking for perspective for keeping my expwb in my life. I have feel genuine feelings for her but am realistic knowing it’s not going anywhere. She says she can’t be in a relationship. We only really dated shortly before she was triggered and grew more distant. Now we are seeing each other every week, and supposed to be helping each other and also hooking up. I help her with her DBT workbook, let her practice her mindfulness on me, and talk through lots. We smoke weed and just chill, sometimes go to shows. I I see her nonstop texting when we are together and it’s annoying and I asked her to stop and she blew up with the whole I’m “controlling” her and just spiraled. We are supposed to be doing this until the summer? Is this actually realistic for a pwbpd viewpoint? It’s so confusing, she literally tells me she loves me every time she sees me and then says she doesn’t have the same feelings and just values me as someone important to her. To me this means she values me as someone who does a bunch of shit for her but doesn’t actually love me. Is it possible to maintain a fwb?",2.6245372274784025,5.012710855203622,4.345826820238585,81.79723467708762,78.45701357466065,7.0951048951048925,27.69251336898396,8.150884317080207,2.1404823529411763,893,39,165,17,22,300,123,221,0.07,0.7859999999999999,0.145,0.9642,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,5,0,0,1,7,6,2,1,8,0,17,4,1,2,0,41,34,21,0,0,6,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,10,21,0,3,6,1,0,3,4,4,0,0,1,8,39,2,24,29,7,18,0,0,3,2,36,6,1,2,9,128,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.2743270128971653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240350507342302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26280392987380546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173593523065285,0.0,0.0,0.11960378531924765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764679975003065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300251244615484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23685092843246794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213209760620535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15976373923606804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18842499468439536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867191791023955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249336564657175,0.0,0.0,0.07724653581486242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372921274975076,0.09927967446378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949666574840655,0.25371663795736266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310794617731435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419226569488468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690004917617638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845707175474036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004451186502975,0.0,0.0,0.15090578108308791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223553380429001,0.0,0.0,0.3360175606324534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427989846566114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23818724049741224,0.0,0.1390146190976572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751207426923575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297451597535092,0.1228531476864146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196000668336992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274647046288674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692704257855644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BLAZMANIII,2020/03/01,"Tips on breaking up a BPD/BPD relationship I've been putting off making this post for a while, but today I'm just going to post it, whether or not it's a good idea. I've struggled with BPD for as long as I can really remember. It took over my whole life, and I even attempted suicide, though I luckily survived. I've felt myself getting better lately, too. That is, until I met my current Girlfriend. We met, fell in love, and started dating all within a matter of weeks. Not a good idea in hindsight, but I've always been one to fall in love easily. Things were going great, I learned she too had BPD, and we agreed to help each other cope and hopefully see improvement. But that's not what ended up happening. It started out fine, she'd vent with me and I'd help her, but then I started to notice I was talking less and less, and she was talking more and more. Eventually, it got to the point where we're calling for 2-3 hours a night where she just complains and I agree with her a lot. I tried to talk to her about it, but when I do get a word in, she tells me about how I'm her only friend, and that she's sorry, and that she'll do better. And she never does. At this point, it's become clear to me she doesn't actually intend to get better at all. Despite me trying to help her, and basically being her therapist, she hasn't implemented any strategies at all to help her cope or improve herself or her circumstances or anything. I wish I could say I want the best for her and I love her but I just can't handle it, but that's not even really the case. I don't love her anymore, and at this point, I'm not sure I even care if she gets the best for her. The final straw was when she asked me what college I'm going to, so she could go there too. I know for a fact none of the places I plan on going will help her get a career she'll enjoy, but she's intent on following me. I just want out. The problem is, she's said multiple times I'm basically her only reason to live besides a few tentative strings like her live of guitar. I'm afraid if I break up with her, she might commit, but I don't want her institutionalized either, so I can't just call the cops on her or anything. She's also been through a bunch of relationships that have gone this same way, and ended with them breaking up with her, and she's said to me, even at the very start of the relationship, that she's not sure she can live with another breakup or heartache again. To lessen things, I've tried to slowly distance her from me over the last few weeks, but it seems that's just made her cling to me harder. I'm just lost, and I can feel the improvements I've made these last few years slipping away. I just don't know what to do, so any sort of advice is appreciated. Tl;Dr I'm at my wit's end acting as my GF's personal therapist and instead of pulling her up, she's pulling me down, but I can't break up because she might not keep going if I do.",4.890700280112043,4.450870647058824,5.786618113912232,84.7193529411765,68.83660130718954,8.82435107376284,27.943230625583574,8.238735603445708,1.5652454154995326,2284,64,510,28,35,755,249,612,0.054000000000000006,0.7390000000000001,0.20800000000000002,0.9987,1,0,0,0,0,1,71.0,2,0,1,9,30,25,0,2,24,0,36,5,0,7,9,109,90,54,1,11,37,0,2,1,3,5,1,3,0,1,28,31,0,1,10,1,0,15,17,5,0,1,19,6,91,20,74,62,19,84,0,1,1,4,78,34,0,15,29,348,119,3,0.0,0.0,0.06256678894257225,0.0,0.0,0.06265223332703755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0512725765068605,0.0533486436019868,0.0,0.0,0.08720051516461211,0.06722995035045115,0.0,0.0,0.06358464613606311,0.0,0.0,0.10552202280987423,0.0,0.05993867625371885,0.0,0.060237958211303386,0.0,0.0,0.03908378249882993,0.07080975122287719,0.0,0.0,0.1345690386059426,0.17011297155917848,0.0,0.0,0.3230013475205913,0.0,0.1309367434895417,0.0,0.06536930411919271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238088970315032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056107287097604014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17036002799010058,0.0,0.0,0.169388863419899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03241836559066087,0.0,0.061560255472558535,0.07023462142627901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04953492974684559,0.0,0.16748666455879188,0.0,0.21862748508561133,0.1075528923144522,0.051278456668669266,0.07068678522613697,0.0,0.0,0.056696499385536475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21487397010995712,0.0,0.0,0.06368045571782918,0.06314015580484543,0.0,0.0,0.14475559361300785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05698817359152709,0.0,0.0,0.07047162657197129,0.104524226571213,0.07232427873704814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04528617413838934,0.03132324911861226,0.0,0.1698436096047533,0.05673957390787278,0.0,0.0,0.06998886994623445,0.054508103932326316,0.2314644142499808,0.12133393404576424,0.04279712194396042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603132601996415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04944928063236553,0.0,0.0,0.06016738963358871,0.0,0.0,0.0729951163659107,0.0,0.0,0.04344584279393395,0.09752437784555536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055982563906795915,0.06698631216647695,0.0,0.1818276083198816,0.0,0.12280849675903704,0.0,0.0,0.06134919766063687,0.0,0.06445307522359088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214715583125097,0.06592068513329828,0.0,0.20650587899877512,0.07262956162456408,0.0,0.12197569987296634,0.050986656483381264,0.0,0.0,0.05109118876059453,0.058367699232479676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177126120045893,0.1815231208987529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702670207693819,0.0,0.07013117689169708,0.0,0.12085486658378827,0.0,0.0,0.15459912508657098,0.056039154737619265,0.0,0.0,0.14888443179488778,0.0851900386340234,0.0,0.06299245823614964,0.0,0.03738585118347422,0.0,0.06077332667286538,0.0,0.0712338937076038,0.13058920678268354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052901418568862636,0.11344969756088227,0.050891338096396,0.10285803861562458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158187630669198,0.07372884736973731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041287824371445715 bpd,Unicornaday,2020/03/01,I'm going to do it tonight. I am so fucking sick of the judgement and of being less than others. I am so fucking sick of being broken. Tonight I am done. Life isn't worth it when you're going to be this broken. There is no fucking fix for me. I have no one else to talk to. You guys are my suicide note recipient.,-0.4872058823529422,1.5572232205882344,2.127941176470589,94.94573529411768,88.85294117647058,3.9882352941176467,20.264705882352946,5.148860815047168,-0.28821176470588217,241,8,55,1,8,83,45,68,0.316,0.684,0.0,-0.9736,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,1,0,0,4,3,3,0,1,0,12,6,0,0,0,1,18,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,3,0,1,1,0,7,0,9,14,1,5,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,0,3,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686507033244319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21930307890473788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7280908611763051,0.0,0.0,0.2983941068360145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599376198246547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854267428281494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778914044291912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871559797034928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21100488728474476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dccueto,2020/03/01,"There's no way out. Most of my days are spent doing what I have to. Go to work, go to school, eat, sleep and repeat. I spend my days wrestling anxiety or how tired I am. It's pretty much turned into years at this point without realizing I fell into it. I come home to my cat and nothing else. I wake up to nothing else. I look in the mirror and think this must not be real. I have a hard time grasping who I am or the life I'm in. None of it seems right or makes much sense anymore. I don't have any friends left. I've become isolated and I'm too tired to try to make any. I've got better control over my emotions alone anyway. No lashing out or uncontrollable outbursts. I'm in a cycle I cant escape. There is no light, only more tunnel at this point.",0.30225063938618746,2.2936660062111827,2.322162952137379,95.28198027036905,84.59006211180126,4.782024113993423,18.78735842162952,5.900188976854957,-0.3240021191085129,581,15,134,4,17,194,101,161,0.16699999999999998,0.794,0.039,-0.9357,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,3,5,3,0,1,4,0,12,6,2,4,1,26,26,9,0,1,6,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,8,9,1,1,4,0,2,4,8,1,0,0,2,3,15,2,21,22,5,25,0,0,1,0,2,15,0,6,5,82,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667701260135538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19261475506444986,0.0,0.10833994863548106,0.0,0.14045032897153975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564096595326552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252525794077501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199425697749315,0.0,0.0,0.15884039149383086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18266811535128646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491400156730685,0.2366129386285544,0.15930496221352514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109416307258187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097335897090054,0.0,0.11326753463180267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686491645403047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420577657647864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15387201615305954,0.0,0.10003135099609806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892626961570138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890667078087324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082159815880773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27177901857845804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770942187711822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677559123312893,0.0,0.0,0.14407983142578693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611961063968469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094386302377648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332837166002793,0.0,0.12892676230314284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172363185011946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074524560899852,0.0,0.0,0.08258055075692043,0.3255458275431862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615160350457497,0.1540433662107544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241243935124663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651793206605609,0.0,0.10310203285211066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911995091248887 bpd,Awkward_enigma,2020/03/01,"BPD at work Will I ever have a stable job? As a person with no skills and endless problems.. I cannot seem to maintain any real relationships with coworkers. I feel like everybody Hates me and gossips about how terrible of a worker I am. I AM trying my very best!! With the overwhelming feelings that everyone hates me and I should just give up. I need to work, I am a generally smiley friendly person. Yet I always seem to get the cold shoulder at every job I have so I tend to just work independently and not get to close to anyone in fear I will say something stupid and make them hate me more. I have had soooo many different jobs. But either get fired or quit because of BPD symptoms. I just dont see any cure or way out unless I won the lottery. I need money but I am running out of options for jobs..idk what to do",2.0016566265060263,4.122977403614462,3.739382530120484,86.73208584337351,79.18072289156626,6.318674698795181,23.62801204819277,7.413659706084162,1.0668686746987954,643,22,130,9,16,215,103,166,0.11800000000000001,0.8029999999999999,0.078,-0.6528,5,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,8,8,13,4,2,7,0,14,2,1,3,1,36,31,13,0,4,10,0,3,1,1,3,1,1,0,2,2,11,0,0,4,0,1,1,4,9,0,0,2,6,22,4,23,26,3,11,0,1,1,0,8,7,0,5,3,89,24,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367267430970643,0.0,0.0,0.16945717825078446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711942956141458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595170149071417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075432822292632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138450318711709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017482086807655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14602392361125047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127029337042884,0.10497631008995156,0.11905546365797433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020354548761532,0.12599752985691326,0.08901039515330095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626146593177223,0.0,0.19528658185464368,0.11952247741379418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690340681244115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709226957828107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060870619849737864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316785179752463,0.1263193515001371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18477060946274976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21758236847526646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192201892832406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252167591343725,0.0,0.14181591293918727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376795416583218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908261344334554,0.0,0.0,0.0992857515176935,0.2268524582510815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591899730955117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950147838782367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459154340861165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280357976349566,0.0,0.09889738076595314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721190215130561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dbesinger,2020/03/01,"Reaction not matching others Someone I know did something really really terrible. Like so terrible it’s a pretty big news story in my area. They’re probably going to go to prison for the rest of their life. People are talking about it at work, they’re talking about it on Facebook, and they’re all saying this person should die and other things. Honestly if it wasn’t this person I would probably feel the same way as everyone else, but for some reason I almost feel bad for them. And for that I feel even worse. This person doesn’t deserve my sympathy but I can’t feel this rage that everyone around me is feeling. It’s hard to tell if this is a symptom of my bpd or it’s just me but I feel wrong.",3.0177659574468088,4.866925049645392,4.391081560283691,84.50875,75.09929078014184,7.820567375886525,24.51595744680851,8.59863814320734,1.7270468085106383,556,18,109,11,12,184,89,141,0.195,0.73,0.075,-0.9644,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,1,6,7,1,0,4,0,9,2,0,1,1,27,18,11,1,4,8,0,7,1,0,2,2,1,0,3,16,4,0,0,8,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,2,8,13,2,16,14,4,9,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,5,1,75,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434654516525359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754177911596312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962550119000907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804451116849986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869292779884374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196847370898414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462930298162334,0.0,0.0,0.2738036196831172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4346534634277212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628486950761861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834288995126794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873812679120301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119671404364053,0.06999509109087787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932623847857792,0.3752967623491553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575835830528805,0.3089412582272027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18356645038615635,0.14730669679910638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393504075708998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139325695640844,0.11029720036696188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891367622894525,0.0,0.23031199183770965,0.12522537894016664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518304585268472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372204180687237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430316927600086,0.0,0.14600563384970205,0.10177577844213784,0.15664461014997247,0.0,0.0 bpd,greatfulforever,2020/03/01,"So, is today the day?? I don’t why I’m writing this as honestly I feel completely hopeless, I’ve dealing with BPD since I can remember and I thought I was doing a lot better this last couple of years, but now I’m worse than ever, I thought that my family would eventually help and understand but frankly I know how hard I’m to love so I don’t blame them if the just think I’m a drama queen, I’m close to my sisters and my mom, but today I really feel completely alone, because they will never know even if they try, I feel a jerk and completely selfish but I can’t stop, I cut myself today, nothing serious cause I don’t know why but I’ve stopped......it’s been ten year since I didn’t do that and I seriously thought that I would never do it again, but here I am, I’m just tired so so tired of myself, I’ve always been suicidal but I managed to control it over this last few years, I tried just once before and I promised myself I would never put my family through that, and now every time I really think about doing it, I think about her, and that she would never recover and frankly that is the only thing that stops me, by today, today I’m thinking f**ck that! F**ck living like this......I might be a drama queen after all haha......anyway thanks for reading, sorry for any spelling mistakes English is not my first language.....",3.3681365313653164,4.515284143911437,4.760182656826569,85.0684658671587,72.87453874538745,7.634022140221402,26.096125461254612,8.07648339933343,1.5186780811808114,1037,34,213,15,20,346,136,271,0.185,0.725,0.09,-0.978,0,1,0,0,0,2,50.0,0,0,3,5,16,13,2,0,7,0,24,3,0,3,6,58,47,24,1,7,13,2,4,1,0,6,2,0,0,0,15,11,0,3,15,3,0,1,10,7,0,2,7,4,37,6,16,33,3,27,0,1,0,1,11,2,0,4,25,141,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206981934290047,0.0,0.0,0.07396889295720804,0.0,0.0,0.060452573266402375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054190396021822886,0.0,0.07564425493421884,0.0,0.0,0.07862160643839895,0.0,0.0,0.11196185360415982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132104947070137,0.0,0.0,0.27961842677946364,0.0,0.09970482688340117,0.0,0.0983621316349082,0.0,0.057330798063805276,0.09164824385570873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587152074564789,0.08041184713950522,0.07489901746808998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16760715349183888,0.0,0.13484601213744407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561519850374697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963367764122851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059585356332327886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656534404077193,0.1449247966708019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04343027122512079,0.0,0.07849711464111747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557650640850523,0.08023243575222813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430498991002527,0.0,0.10411434256538232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742494128394422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529845508142765,0.0,0.0,0.09467172226246183,0.0,0.06760968769323633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936539525813023,0.0,0.0,0.08892041673566807,0.0,0.1138985692261274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070224670409897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707197543869538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995121971000375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864267514851665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723818950612964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184382479411588,0.0,0.0,0.05905879159508583,0.2278447923439756,0.0,0.2117213403420136,0.05183618247046727,0.20434657754584792,0.4213167750670986,0.0,0.0,0.12070958641974153,0.0,0.0,0.0925442459814869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043027612459754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059298558887988,0.2525976946669567,0.0,0.0,0.1717390240032496 bpd,nanotech23,2020/03/01,"I messaged my psych about starting IOP again Something like a Google Reminder might be helpful in reminding myself to follow through because part of my condition is that I constantly lose track of what i was planning to do due to my emotional instability My goal is to get tested formally for BPD and start something that will make the delusional thoughts stop. Abilify is keeping me from feeling depressed but thats all it does - i just can't handle the constant thoughts that I know don't make any sense",14.986451612903233,9.356363989247313,12.61397849462366,59.8409677419355,54.26881720430108,15.840860215053766,55.73118279569893,12.45797560212912,6.754221505376343,413,23,69,8,3,127,71,93,0.063,0.867,0.07,-0.1027,0,0,2,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,3,0,10,0,0,2,1,13,21,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,1,11,1,11,15,2,9,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,8,47,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573661939326026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216758983471137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513924997412469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4313990223389189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191743542138074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746735890167429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22452607035426372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092507694993212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428412537585267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378942196970112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741597085998284,0.0,0.0,0.10969637433868687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751575287708357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22330426410143267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664725840882086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21174682615895427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21615017538317507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.307327681595676,0.0,0.0,0.282559509264344,0.0,0.0,0.1668767194848557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169243528563647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,forpathenolsicogy,2020/03/01,"Is anyone out there? I moved into my place. I was lonely before, but now its worse. The one person I have to talk to and doesnt get annoyed by me disappears for days and I just go crazy checking my phone all the time and lost in my mind. I even hit another car because I'm so in my head. Agh. Being in love for the first time in years sucks. Its another day 3 and I just cry a lot and wonder why I can't find anyone to talk to or even fuck. I really dont have any friends. I don't even understand how people have friends and why have I never had another friend that isn't the same as me and is that so bad? I used to have 2k contacts on skype and someone was always down to hangout with me but I dont have that anymore and I wish I did. Anyways hey what's up im super lonely I live alone and theres a 2 week old lasagna in the fridge cus I can't find where I'm supposed to throw my trash away where I just moved in so theres a bunch of boxes in the kitchen and I live on the floor. Floor life. fuck wit it. Be my friend? /rant",-0.9110016103059592,1.02417484347826,1.3278743961352646,100.71479066022543,89.69565217391305,4.450885668276974,16.344605475040257,5.82211442006289,-0.7885732689210951,794,18,201,6,27,265,126,230,0.233,0.6970000000000001,0.07,-0.9909,0,5,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,17,14,4,0,10,0,21,6,1,2,2,32,35,19,0,1,6,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,1,7,14,1,0,4,1,1,6,8,8,0,2,5,0,27,6,27,27,4,35,0,3,0,3,11,19,3,3,10,130,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507212114877345,0.0,0.0,0.09244894225231087,0.0,0.0,0.07555576718097436,0.3495124174446554,0.0,0.0,0.11018711783231916,0.1553755445435328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438757471739178,0.0,0.09276871831574876,0.06772907626655465,0.0,0.09454286898924327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204452549660495,0.1433081239311192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604303857555341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201530375728374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20309741218166494,0.09450655323331726,0.0,0.0,0.3433603218708905,0.2054310794219355,0.058048204919126614,0.0,0.06314399760638871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140266247462728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200133508191732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847732604005946,0.0,0.0,0.19621694818734006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212851266517103,0.09445819448228532,0.1002773398800364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218520489719684,0.0,0.0,0.2361758054347887,0.0,0.0,0.0856916573869485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658686746224395,0.0,0.07528817867470193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702678565288758,0.09701331595922584,0.11608193361720755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117723294235803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413960023568038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17860529805927314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957339357680606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566507636494805,0.0,0.09595975489535508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912238653250128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20051144122902426,0.0,0.12776620908428196,0.0,0.12048952169524844,0.0,0.0,0.11322632201641795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154850495387638 bpd,Jazzy793,2020/03/01,"Am I bipolar? I’m trying to figure out if I’m bipolar. I have highs and lows, but I’m trying to figure out what is normal and what’s not. Some days I feel like I can literally accomplish everything while the next day I’m depressed. I’m a overall a very moody person and kinda snappy with people and always feel like I need to jump down someone’s throat if they say something I don’t agree with.. but I have a couple reasons to feel depressed I recently lost my job etc. I have very intense anxiety, especially if I haven’t seen someone in a long time I get socially awkward and catch myself talking really fast and just constantly feel on edge. Then when I walk away I think in my head that they probably think I’m really weird. It’s so hard for me to make a decision for anything in my life I’ll literally think on it for weeks and never make a decision I’ll usually ask everyone else what they think and try to decide. I was on lexapro at one time in my life, it did help the irritability but I’m no longer on it. I’m not sure what to do, I would love to try natural remedies first before jumping to medication. Has anyone experienced this? It’s making a impact in my daily life. I can barely drink anymore because I am all over the place when I do and it’s exhausting. My guy friend always tells me I’m bipolar and that he’s worried he says when I drink I say off the wall stuff and he doesn’t find it stable. Please would love some advice. Keep it honest! Thank you!!",2.233971734892787,4.0850183815789505,4.17216374269006,85.20422027290452,77.35526315789474,7.266861598440546,24.088206627680314,8.167268648758528,1.4265613060428852,1164,39,240,21,27,396,157,304,0.125,0.711,0.16399999999999998,0.9552,1,0,3,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,3,3,5,16,0,1,11,0,18,14,2,4,3,53,47,23,0,7,9,0,5,2,1,2,8,3,0,2,16,15,2,1,15,2,0,4,7,8,0,2,4,10,33,8,30,41,4,42,0,4,1,2,20,20,0,6,20,142,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958526163292175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323782235097528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503874088973987,0.0,0.09727912904070302,0.06858695437710449,0.0,0.08071988363033243,0.0,0.0917011035861912,0.0,0.09215897966069386,0.0,0.0,0.05979488055916155,0.0,0.08346754260583147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600066802262743,0.0,0.0,0.10853494981445266,0.0,0.12652013914812985,0.0,0.1689699054077735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19218212166725834,0.0,0.0,0.08194178240127599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939651126643056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372939762533862,0.08815715435620458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198389426455828,0.14015132886433393,0.0,0.0,0.08965267336204902,0.08343548109831195,0.0,0.0,0.0757842516344922,0.0,0.05124808532974071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712472796986933,0.0,0.0,0.08786955978558388,0.0,0.10066885277504696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574779899249711,0.103637690629547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733939620267322,0.08718708413885327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078520450522501,0.095843842127018,0.0,0.0,0.0868067476555152,0.0,0.0,0.10707704964408364,0.0,0.17706048543520886,0.0,0.19642792723490335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881556528180116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273264658211359,0.0756532157356386,0.0,0.10432004937088199,0.0,0.09610757764274304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646846376072127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800339974878633,0.08564858640032356,0.10248339027096756,0.10767359281247722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575783500876557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567819840240732,0.1008530710670512,0.09685224703754576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23401581215631215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999061460388182,0.16622303041092615,0.07551463462843377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228982066410627,0.0,0.0,0.09244886050355244,0.0,0.0,0.07884119386669851,0.0857351655836441,0.09030828499755413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514089791620736,0.0,0.0,0.11439437859860947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663872505898486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803250639811933,0.1618693894241199,0.0,0.0,0.07868204841426267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961536797378584,0.0,0.1393609393078408,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sademoji143,2020/03/01,"Feeling like absolute shit when not getting a text back Whenever I text someone (most of the time someone im romantically or sexually interested in) and they don’t reply or reply in a way I want them to, I legit feel the worst sadness/anger (its almost like I feel triggered in some way), in the past I used to threaten people that I would kms if they wouldn’t treat me better. I know this isn’t healthy and I want to find better coping mechanisms to have better relationships with people.",5.872035087719297,6.530754536842108,6.856578947368423,74.10521929824564,66.78947368421052,9.280701754385962,31.62280701754386,9.2995712137729,2.802122807017544,391,15,71,7,6,131,62,95,0.099,0.625,0.276,0.9246,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,3,3,2,9,1,0,5,0,5,1,1,2,0,21,13,6,0,5,4,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,3,12,7,10,11,3,10,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,6,6,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879306157401209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431142184846354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4979530723716384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846841942594752,0.1340759227778074,0.0,0.0,0.17153265699178138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805307429988107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027225134910708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031419375163061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18337823379740525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915817959239547,0.2602221084089033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20149401496301836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19264693381293366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31803488942786606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943550800042083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620919887128561,0.0,0.0,0.22139258377257054,0.2979372816774111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331979573998715,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LucidFeverDreams,2020/03/01,"So I think I might have BPD and I need opinions... I don’t want to self diagnose myself or anything, but recently I’ve become increasingly aware that I may have BPD. I seem to be very good at hiding it, and I only allow the symptoms to come out when I’m alone mostly. Here are my symptoms: -sometimes feel suicidal -sometimes feel chronically empty -sometimes I get very angered by small things, and not angered by big things that I SHOULD be angry about -I have had many romantic relationships and all of them have been unstable -I seem to have a distorted sense of who I really am Those are all the symptoms I have that relate to BPD, I don’t seem to have a fear of abandonment and I don’t think I have paranoia. I also do not have impulsive behaviours with drugs, gambling etc. I would say I’m impulsive in my relationships with others, but that’s it. Apparently people with BPD don’t experience empathy as much (according to the internet), but I am highly empathic. So, with all this said, do you guys think this is BPD or something else..? Please leave detailed answers with facts because I really need answers here. Feel free to ask questions too",4.05493871665465,6.252461054794523,5.069646719538572,79.24537851478009,73.15525114155251,8.628791155972122,28.877913962989663,9.276330184999452,2.767907762557078,917,38,166,22,19,300,121,219,0.201,0.721,0.079,-0.985,1,1,2,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,1,0,8,6,2,1,5,0,28,6,0,1,4,46,46,15,1,5,7,0,3,0,0,4,6,2,0,2,13,12,0,1,12,0,2,2,6,4,0,0,3,5,25,3,23,37,7,10,0,1,0,0,11,6,0,10,2,119,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727400800731906,0.0,0.07510872651164162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728912112619861,0.0,0.08780361645387609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572534740935501,0.1037285543519514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5914521350065587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090477246307068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532801153445754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891874035548364,0.0,0.07845908666460187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474693259936113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918729272925054,0.0,0.10568742900882153,0.14246809821099354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04906993539133006,0.0,0.0,0.07877662217054121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929967255501779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099232873785965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944895893681673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522132587788514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963552018575028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904286738951236,0.13928271644340134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071431282791491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511311418940416,0.0,0.0,0.10309724175381928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521320638376702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033661425641574,0.0,0.09273582562272778,0.20167237726246376,0.0,0.0,0.08934054134766242,0.07468988489472328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565069199231376,0.09798026479370417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230510600494054,0.2786713190155148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027345170452518,0.0,0.0,0.2928601753126038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479410533275813,0.1805426820081204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498960458267322,0.0553971400662796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671890514456237,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RosesRBlack,2020/03/01,"How do you handle being alone? I’m recently single as of a couple months ago and this is the longest I have gone without jumping into a new relationship. After spending the last 2 years in a very emotionally and sometimes physically abusive relationship I decided I needed to work on me for a while before I jump head first into something again. This time around I have stayed away from all of the dating apps and things that I would usually use as a distraction and to receive validation and I’m finding it really hard to be alone. It’s fine when my kids are home but when they are with their father and I’m all alone I feel completely empty and dead inside. I lost pretty much everyone in my life due to my toxic ex , I don’t talk to anyone, my phone never goes off and I don’t really leave the house other than to go to work and come home. I just can’t handle the feeling of being alone and I’m really struggling with trying to stop myself from seeking out validation via dating apps and the internet. How do I become comfortable with being alone?",4.6057971014492765,5.943860207729468,5.9813719806763315,76.7584347826087,70.1111111111111,8.805024154589374,26.360386473429948,9.21078282632365,2.233616038647343,841,26,153,17,15,284,125,207,0.175,0.768,0.055999999999999994,-0.9695,0,5,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,2,4,7,5,0,2,11,0,15,2,1,3,3,35,27,19,1,2,3,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,7,19,0,1,4,0,1,6,5,3,0,1,2,3,21,2,31,20,4,35,0,1,0,0,11,9,0,0,19,110,28,2,0.0,0.1337152198985812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000395216109896,0.0,0.0,0.5844209048830431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891113454094427,0.0,0.0,0.10046525163049824,0.0,0.0,0.10603138321576797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463994614474222,0.09603165126937696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721495248487524,0.1183267619919419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487237704291368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694715895560454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783819129492896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114126183796423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314781045285196,0.0959947636432032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413833663733025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109629035530417,0.0,0.1158222209683953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22640637831794155,0.0,0.0,0.13022000383670082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199223091217254,0.0,0.11949759604263037,0.0,0.0,0.07971312154372677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319502371040207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008012051962062,0.0,0.08296171991281116,0.08368086485374006,0.08704105816605424,0.10899646906737817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481453564384447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21689421799810493,0.0,0.11143111348189297,0.2423289748701944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868816168773312,0.1116168972988443,0.0,0.0,0.12028886313605396,0.0,0.09435218547676112,0.0,0.11798098980511858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070891269463544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497612718615722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580690367653907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662142298851267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747084911347567,0.12429430238738225,0.09311754168786343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087885988074304,0.0,0.16432018150921887,0.0,0.0,0.08016925325922059,0.0,0.0,0.07267519115966001 bpd,devin70777,2020/03/01,I feel like maybe I might have bpd. I have really bad anxiety and depression and sometimes mood swings. I have failed relationships with everyone around me. I frequently have suicidal thoughts but ignore them. I honestly dont know who I am and have switched many different jobs and relationships with people. I always get broken up with and left. I don't know if that stems from my fear of abandonment. When sometimes people talk to me I wont hear them because I zone out. I want help but have no insurance. I have looked into many different symptoms of bpd and taken assessment quizzes and I have all the traits. I have always felt like something was off about me. What if this is it? I just wanna be able to handle my symptoms. I've lost everyone around me. I lost my job in the navy due to my own stupid reasons and lost my pet and my own girlfriend. When I hang out with friends( I smoke weed for my anxiety) I feel paranoid they're gonna take my weed or they're just using me or dont care about my problems. I isolate myself outside of work. I just want help. Any advice would be helpful.,2.0206085271317846,4.5799227255813975,2.9967732558139524,89.5329893410853,82.2093023255814,6.5600775193798455,23.84205426356589,7.793537801064563,1.362042635658915,866,32,173,16,24,275,121,215,0.23399999999999999,0.6709999999999999,0.096,-0.9857,4,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,5,9,17,1,1,2,0,20,2,0,2,1,44,39,17,1,7,9,0,3,2,2,4,2,1,1,0,5,18,0,2,7,0,0,1,5,11,0,0,7,5,39,5,23,26,3,14,0,6,1,0,12,9,0,5,6,113,44,4,0.10413172191000196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175631347519437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329186889487938,0.0,0.0,0.07081314172769866,0.0,0.1593209644801897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18539861941397534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694563820992167,0.06347773116063801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623005168838216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616923050271113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968849949537787,0.0,0.0,0.21759097217744966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440832050918505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990046455038262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171771374907146,0.1053042548117166,0.07439172293900727,0.09998278306825223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045191003776282,0.0,0.05440452681965075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736401865559952,0.0,0.20939189458134708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066693324147936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445614216388572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313942054052335,0.0,0.0,0.10174699885756892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744442016007835,0.0,0.3410162261662057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21114644379341974,0.10461431091331436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046730114695136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144383649131697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996399945716445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670944750067749,0.10706475323727553,0.0,0.22359699824461166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016568694195815,0.20597787122045336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113903202507167,0.0,0.0,0.21646546077739875,0.07829409552363177,0.08369713363173922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266895557033177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993637384799268,0.0,0.0,0.12283917508480607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580913375330371,0.0,0.0,0.07397218755980697,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,momsmilk4,2020/03/01,"my past FP still has a strong emotional hold on me just broke up with my boyfriend because i realized i still horribly miss my ex boyfriend (FP). i felt like my now ex deserved to know that i still needed time to heal, luckily he was super understanding. i feel like a weight had been lifted off of my chest. the problem is, my FP has a girlfriend now :/ its obviously a rebound but i still can’t help but feel like i’m so easily replaceable. i got together with my now ex because at the time i genuinely believed that i was over it and i wanted to start over. it’s hard because i dated my FP for over a year, and throughout that entire time i lived and breathed for him. if you scroll through my acc you can see the time period where i was breaking down over him on this sub lol. going from being so dependent on somebody to having nobody at all was such a drastic change and i couldn’t take it. i have terrible abandonment issues and don’t feel “alive” unless i have somebody to be completely and utterly devoted to. seeing him and his new girlfriend hurts so much :( i missed out on so much since we were long distance. the fact that she gets to have the luxury of being able to hold him everyday and i don’t is fucking killing me. he treated me like complete garbage yet why do i still miss him so much? i wish he didn’t have such a strong hold on me emotionally. i just miss the times where they were really fucking good. the worst part is that i’ll never relive that experience again and he would never change no matter how much i would beg him to. i just want to stop feeling this way :(",3.664541666666669,4.985067037500002,4.581250000000002,85.96541666666668,72.375,8.083333333333334,27.083333333333336,8.59863814320734,1.811145833333334,1252,44,260,22,24,406,166,320,0.155,0.691,0.154,-0.295,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,2,1,3,23,23,3,0,14,1,30,6,2,2,5,49,55,19,1,9,7,3,7,4,2,2,1,0,0,0,12,13,1,5,8,0,0,1,8,13,0,0,11,9,48,10,34,38,7,46,0,7,2,2,22,17,2,2,30,183,60,0,0.10110682818592136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18490135206746086,0.0,0.0,0.11391277223964714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139152358674262,0.0,0.21201717143006674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274631462042649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890187884507486,0.0,0.0,0.2044906010043047,0.14446147651624344,0.09707841072645364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18694326688832044,0.05282414469670297,0.0,0.057461340465828986,0.08480361050137862,0.08086436678481246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057185864962652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776977569255427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823695071418797,0.0,0.0,0.1055292602474628,0.0,0.0,0.11185972516485708,0.0,0.05556566859899322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19758275659392988,0.0,0.08927918165113062,0.08947636129820492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973006088696233,0.07496943197989256,0.1559596378704546,0.0976496046984875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094888421368726,0.09651790797953667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674557979852008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477162312420089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113810343801124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363661308452768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156393338398387,0.0,0.4037202179714554,0.08452983562750671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601975189579196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947810229739241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525577386535218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927085370329267,0.08025389407851033,0.0,0.12312087839235128,0.0,0.0,0.09123318627667387,0.0,0.11626786263968525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364677969332182,0.0,0.0,0.06510948243415897 bpd,11gr_,2020/03/02,"I overshared about sensitive subjects with a friend and now I think she's going to leave me for good She only asked me how I was doing. I had one of my worst day in the last months and I lost it. She's not answering yet and I can't help to think she hate me now",-0.2279096045197733,1.5206523389830515,1.8450000000000024,99.34908192090398,84.9322033898305,5.289265536723164,16.612994350282484,6.42735559955562,-0.5776463276836159,204,4,52,2,6,68,43,59,0.22,0.6809999999999999,0.099,-0.7549,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,9,10,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,3,0,14,2,7,7,1,8,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,6,38,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867148731897692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19779045307624024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23694886154496586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429967754815634,0.25723802900316645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027940670650897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055686476327085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499942628009294,0.0,0.32474169973855604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33478967547410304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447979910805883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078218954078513,0.23325247882134095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39303067662360064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,superancientstars,2020/03/02,"These cycles are really struggling This is my emotional cycle: I get a big boost of energy and motivation. I have ideas! I have plans! I have a positive attitude. I get shit done. I apply to every job. I go to every job interview. I power clean my house. I am helpful to others. I am unstoppable! (Most would classify this as a manic episode but I'm not 100% sure it goes into that criteria as the episode doesn't cause me to do harmful things like impulse spending or drinking or anything like that, it's more like... I REALLY have my shit together and I feel... ~normal~) Thennnnnn it allllll fallllsss dowwwnnnn I skip work. I lose my job. I break up with my boyfriend yeah yeah cuz I'm boreeeedddd. I ruin all my friendships. I'm wreckless. I lay in bed. I sleep. I binge eat. I cry. I fight with everyone. I burn all my bridges. I sleep all the time or I don't sleep at all. I'm numb. I'm shaking. I'm nauseous. Getting out of bed hurts. I'm irritable. I'm irrational. I go into debt. I don't pay bills. My family says ""I knew this would happen"". I feel GUILTY. I can't breathe. Then I rest... Like a caterpillar for a few weeks... And BOOM I AM A BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY THAT CAN DO EVERYTHING. My question is. HOW DO I BREAK THE CYCLE? How do I make an income when I can't even predict how I will be in a week? I have tried tracking my moods and seeing if corresponding events trigger this (period, stress etc) and I can't see anything causing it. I am diagnosed BPD and have been for 10 years. They were also seeing about ADHD. Im currently on Effexor and Seroquel. The WORST PART of this is I'm in denial when I'm doing better because I don't want to admit I will break again. And then I do. And it's devestating each time. Like a car wreck. I hate this.",-0.7291043431248879,1.313461067039107,1.955790232474321,91.32503153721392,103.13407821229048,5.438169039466572,20.299333213191566,6.968188349444268,0.8754172283294288,1354,52,286,28,62,464,187,358,0.20800000000000002,0.6679999999999999,0.124,-0.9896,7,0,1,0,1,0,70.0,0,0,1,6,9,21,4,3,13,2,36,10,6,9,5,46,62,25,0,5,6,0,2,5,0,4,2,2,3,0,17,15,2,0,7,1,4,4,8,13,0,0,4,7,54,7,24,53,12,30,0,3,3,0,7,10,2,6,18,182,71,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674726373399767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843395429889105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17357581353180807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428989098662195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327436000065856,0.0,0.0,0.1328282480159928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166812109249394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115847279664809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704376575485636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792631428566314,0.0,0.10331459429324598,0.0,0.107916027080945,0.0,0.11863283347661133,0.0,0.0,0.11762026644868008,0.06965799410496616,0.0,0.17771598000831956,0.10077539580688237,0.09478426564701656,0.0,0.09942209706521593,0.0,0.10665156013752958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530180117321044,0.0,0.11987527207953028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326148933840628,0.0,0.0,0.10412389077273737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069031312230523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121691325411115,0.1129014204222916,0.11905604752255786,0.11391924512211205,0.0,0.31397031545443793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576219780215325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179872677411754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039805587907855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333235273422704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420726208637175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181438449955538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512591043127098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386922599385192,0.0,0.0,0.25212352125032017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21651461297637808,0.0,0.0,0.3166205706971068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080868474077985,0.11025389801634852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939859580002387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006561221513602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229938426302308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160315038886436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220541464457545,0.0,0.16919375932701045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677906654313937,0.0,0.0,0.1498372354307108,0.0,0.0,0.06791537456730301 bpd,dawson62294,2020/03/02,"Lonely I wish i could get people to understand I’m only sleeping so much because I’m depressed. I’m not tired or exhausted. I just am lonely and border and when I get that way, my brain goes to the bad place. Even though I have nightmares, bad ones, at least I get a small break from the overthinking and bad thoughts. I keep hearing ‘well you looked tired’ or ‘you seemed so peaceful’ as reasons they keep letting me sleep instead of waking me up. I want them to wake me. I’m only sleeping to pass time until I’m not alone with my thoughts again. Please wake me. I keep begging to wake me but they don’t. Rant over. Sorry.",1.2371428571428569,3.5911457301587326,2.1549206349206362,95.64285714285715,83.76190476190476,4.552380952380953,21.698412698412696,5.773587663045528,0.06440317460317457,486,16,103,3,14,152,79,126,0.139,0.785,0.076,-0.8258,0,5,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,3,0,9,8,0,0,3,0,5,11,8,1,0,21,24,12,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,4,0,3,5,0,0,1,3,7,1,1,2,2,21,1,13,20,2,12,0,3,1,0,6,5,0,3,4,63,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976292923507608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33802178191613785,0.08226157646960561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064390272797806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774306948916842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622843515015535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913028659478361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115104964263074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520934825314696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598375106019671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379910041317085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133203050001119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992005324631129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144262123008834,0.20526439747823885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355427782974042,0.0,0.14098941526103526,0.14812972960347645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387465371649725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228493929396754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4051291251010217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106053493513175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325833527079062,0.21426344281593332,0.0786878561741748,0.3102001987274737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048311373407069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959440271368769,0.10711352465904657,0.0,0.0,0.12133228777876234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551807636863985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,beans_burrito,2020/03/02,"I hate this disorder I just got out of the hospital for a suicide attempt after 12 days. When I was in there, i felt a little better and at ease because those thoughts subsided. I felt at peace for the first time in forever, but now I'm back home...Those same thoughts are back, I feel like even more of a burden because of the stress I put on everyone, and I'm convinced people were actually glad I was gone for so long so they could get a break from me. My medicine got put on a higher dose and all I can think about is it wont take as many pills to do the job this time. I feel like I'll never get better from this disorder and its driving me crazy. I hate it. I want to be normal...",4.792945205479455,3.922639767123286,5.752157534246577,86.3276883561644,69.13698630136986,9.217808219178082,29.20890410958904,8.472884824447931,1.7482493150684926,530,16,124,7,8,176,92,146,0.168,0.6759999999999999,0.156,-0.5998,1,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,4,10,10,2,1,9,0,10,2,0,0,2,20,28,9,1,3,2,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,7,0,0,4,2,4,0,1,10,4,16,6,20,15,3,24,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,13,81,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.1377775265090791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21712720056132595,0.0,0.17213179612750126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24973573408138916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272582454284236,0.0,0.0,0.09105352579608177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32362361372596904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932522629601424,0.0,0.0,0.1349096227998596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277613730977795,0.20172713568016015,0.2711221040306569,0.0,0.0,0.12009305050793465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14752809761323504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258392684814612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787846123774675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416214363926936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010568250700725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379530533283802,0.14150582938352405,0.0,0.12494549073600585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431408147060282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889162906272902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383326616460141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788084892947893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838625868545293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172850484813162,0.0,0.0,0.15443496856099748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615457611863896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090466522261325,0.0,0.2241724073328204,0.1646538104176468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832753764806886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,seokjinsarms,2020/03/02,"How to stop the damage I had recently as of yesterday been broken up, I’d say it was mutual. I’m struggling with the fact that I have lost myself again in the midst of everything happening, I spend all of my time basically crying/breaking down about everything. This is not going to make any kind of sense as I’m a mess and I’m pouring out my heart. I love this boy more than I have ever even began to realize, he is and will always be my biggest support and my everything. He has a wonderful and beautiful family I adore and I was lucky enough to get the chance at knowing. But now, bc of how bad the situations had gotten w me and dealing w internal battles I literally never talk about, I costed our relationship. I have struggled with bpd, bipolar, ptsd, and depression, I was getting help for everything I dealt with (still am) And now I dont know what to do anymore, I don’t know how I can sit and know I am about to lose my whole life and love and watch it happen before my eyes. I’m scared, I’m absolutely terrified for what will happen to me, I have to move to another state again and restart my life when I’ve done that so many times before I don’t know how to handle it. I’m scared. I just wish this was a nightmare and I could wake up from it.",4.082009993186464,4.5960671351351365,5.6143129684306174,81.94646604587783,70.6988416988417,9.337360890302069,27.976606858959798,9.478462496947786,2.2550824892119,984,33,209,21,17,335,143,259,0.151,0.7290000000000001,0.12,-0.7645,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,0,2,17,17,1,4,8,0,26,8,3,5,4,40,52,22,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,11,17,0,1,7,0,2,2,5,11,0,0,11,3,31,6,33,37,4,25,0,4,2,2,11,7,0,2,14,143,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222715353729022,0.0,0.0,0.07537450586951734,0.11622464105243985,0.0,0.0,0.10992277452367252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254616244514496,0.0,0.0,0.18863211372023891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959818309899727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849613969927786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427042260039393,0.09546570264652288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342705793300767,0.1299028014149669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452659728575483,0.0,0.07320829387287509,0.10026046728376213,0.0,0.0,0.3984607632287099,0.0,0.10448940129455908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581788990141866,0.0,0.06299251262722945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940444068007392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134507111039675,0.07429322769795818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542204548683513,0.30457182624759965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657811158378354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400079389362942,0.12099415877543343,0.0,0.20007354105116287,0.0,0.07398607480870938,0.11237362499911248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780460510938395,0.0,0.0,0.08548607966894745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956517768216178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944040945067077,0.11899989779723798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814383793762945,0.2219388948816275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458798582538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851638587706878,0.09266659453080207,0.0,0.2317465459728303,0.0,0.0,0.1257790924758206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890884083980654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292625418162328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374808900256153,0.12745969283168354,0.0,0.12020046250712588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheMandrew,2020/03/02,"DAE have a better mood when sleep deprived? I noticed that when my brain is too tired to do the crazy mental gymnastics it always does, I'm way less self-conscious. I'm more productive and easy-going. I don't have the energy to overthink my entire life through a BPD lens.",4.24722222222222,5.635835759259264,4.75277777777778,85.03250000000003,71.03703703703705,7.622222222222224,26.462962962962962,8.07648339933343,1.5951629629629631,217,7,42,3,4,69,43,54,0.192,0.753,0.055,-0.7441,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,0,5,4,2,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,3,7,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23776340452511946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527189480426877,0.0,0.0,0.3598868446668293,0.3189868257538008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25005808392282763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239592882790066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20183071609827904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28796456833071604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32532349857569465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29809519865741624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859521721892394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32842277366828265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22681172359155155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nakiiwarai,2020/03/02,"Right now I secretely wish my bf was in a worse place than me, so that I don't feel like such a burden and mess and my place by his side is more secure (im sorry for my awful grammar but i hope you'll get the point) It's so ugly thinking about it like this, but I wish my bf was in a not so good place right now. Just because it would make him need my help and change the roles for some time. I was doing awfully for a few months because of seasonal depression, so it was mostly me who needed help and assurance. And I absolutely hate it. I'm also getting a feeling he's tired of this situation and dealing with my moods and ""babying"" me. So that's it. I can't stand being the vulnerable one any longer.",2.027200000000001,3.3132692533333348,3.995666666666669,88.67950000000002,76.46666666666667,7.133333333333333,23.166666666666664,7.793537801064563,0.9272666666666668,548,16,124,8,12,187,92,150,0.23199999999999998,0.634,0.134,-0.9505,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,11,11,1,0,8,2,11,1,0,1,1,26,24,15,0,6,4,0,2,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,11,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,4,2,19,6,11,17,4,15,0,1,0,0,12,9,0,3,7,84,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122591747350875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308592989839584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848148743265033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603613913228925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562819236790269,0.13056365169088938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532962210780902,0.10829543427688013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839831706526875,0.0,0.0,0.12714592220662432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496630612700402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20321423998865729,0.0,0.0,0.15056239017932044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637424690531391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811776085202058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118704239854308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099714202788915,0.0,0.0,0.2248031070855238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272084049452354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4751356984836606,0.0,0.14330089716765776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589128871490346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039273723678872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696918231930924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971323097686037,0.0,0.0,0.08839294646404801,0.17422961364306214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486404536532224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448245884500506,0.10768469743291348,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fairyjimin,2020/03/02,"feeling absolutely hopeless hello, i’m not doing so well at the moment. i thought life was getting better but turns out i felt that way only because i didn’t leave my house for anything and developed unhealthy coping mechanisms. in september i started uni because i’d been sitting home for over a year and i thought i was ready for it, and it was going well. for 5 months. i don’t know what happened but i dropped out in january because i felt super miserable and couldn’t focus on school anymore. i had panic attacks in the school bathroom, on the train, at home. then i decided i’d get a job instead so i could save up some money while also giving myself the time and space to work on myself (again). same story: work was going fine, coworkers were nice, for the first 2 weeks i was able to completely ignore my mental illnesses. and then the panic attacks returned. so to no ones surprise i quit (last week). i don’t know what to do anymore. my emotions have full control over me and i’m feeling absolutely hopeless. been in therapy since i was 13 and i’m turning 22 next week. dropped out of high school, dropped out of uni three times. i haven’t achieved a single thing in life. now i’m at a point where i’m considering inpatient therapy again which is roughly 8 months long and i don’t know if that’s what i truly want or need. i just know i can’t go on like this anymore, i need help. i’m sorry if this isn’t allowed, but i really needed to get this out and i could really use some words of encouragement right now. thank you. ♡",1.9166558441558443,4.262788376623379,3.4501136363636387,87.47017045454548,80.81818181818181,6.1876623376623385,25.53409090909091,7.413659706084162,1.3911181818181824,1212,49,239,18,32,399,162,308,0.14,0.6940000000000001,0.166,0.6605,2,0,0,0,0,2,33.0,0,1,0,8,13,19,2,3,10,0,24,3,0,3,0,50,57,23,0,9,8,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,12,15,0,2,11,0,1,3,10,8,2,3,15,5,31,11,33,39,5,56,0,3,0,0,5,26,0,5,23,152,43,7,0.09231493565825008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382422069343496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746548312293961,0.0,0.0,0.07596732630445717,0.0,0.0,0.21004313265615596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16882298382304406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816450586960487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679045367252527,0.0,0.10353905003903444,0.14741192877686327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384187736488483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335441044454544,0.0,0.17727363029405424,0.0,0.0,0.07852303711180078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469223116893054,0.08855689811147545,0.1573941159993318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163379272783368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061876755456396836,0.09753579796461308,0.18519881473000416,0.0,0.0,0.10651904130910464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916083292125636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029354975745533,0.07524899367180557,0.0,0.097748187637637,0.0,0.0,0.13040953826482446,0.045100414555107486,0.0,0.0,0.08169581307593914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303174243892598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736980181311124,0.0,0.0,0.20535106521687008,0.0,0.0,0.0981779813626602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255498953134338,0.07020966843841826,0.0,0.21662337326184228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872674530212091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818829734258676,0.0,0.0,0.11827862328340015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788364506519066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28028293003604177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636386873272748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033390125343104,0.06534098660127564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499118985135799,0.21114034850325453,0.0,0.06132994128117285,0.0,0.0,0.14657549446854753,0.10765916271874576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20082428219016404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973046457725297,0.0,0.0,0.054449740848745064,0.073275299018957,0.22214841910190605,0.0,0.16600442746969338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441274524956665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944779189985799 bpd,DckDck,2020/03/02,"Boyfriend of a girl with BPD and I'm struggling to understand it. I'm struggling very hard with my girlfriend as she is claiming that every single thing is BPD. From mood (which I know and understand and I am fairly understanding with it and I work with etc.) But she has become so emotionally and mentally distant in the past month and a half or so. We went from talking every single day with new and exciting conversation to next to nothing and the only response she gives me anymore is just ""oh."" I try and try and try to make conversation again and again because I will ask her and bring it up to her about whether she wants to still even be with me if she wants to talk about anything if she needs me to do anything to make her more comfortable. She is expecting me to just understand it with what I can get from google as she doesn't explain anything for me to be able to understand it outside of ""it's hard."" I come asking for help. I don't know what to do and I'm atb my wit's end with it. I'm ready to snap and I just want her to act like she used to with me. (she has acted this way for about a month and a half straight we've been dating since december last year and talking since summer and not once did she act this way or out of the ordinary.)",3.371079048973783,4.48110456756757,4.2143466775045715,89.12713269660637,72.82239382239379,7.6147937411095326,26.372891688681165,8.032893268588372,1.350338996138996,989,33,218,14,19,318,126,259,0.028999999999999998,0.9009999999999999,0.07,0.8555,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,1,12,6,0,2,7,0,17,0,0,3,0,55,43,27,0,7,10,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,14,29,0,0,8,0,0,6,3,2,0,2,3,2,33,3,42,37,4,26,0,0,0,0,28,4,0,4,15,152,47,1,0.1000838869943354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992563225556973,0.0,0.0,0.24708153388950385,0.0,0.18712984801613575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061010208566693015,0.11053478999359173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25210430413361506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621340661262772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454582737795722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258090194571853,0.08864461740548316,0.0,0.11161998997940802,0.06610446344613971,0.0,0.1686499827507567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05228970014443998,0.0960095841475647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931100853618442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708411977450908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000697374464176,0.0815817259188372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889593175302898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361354346567594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086101810884457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15977200748579948,0.0,0.0,0.07421093404797234,0.0,0.09666164172130373,0.1064403492454182,0.0,0.0,0.09603318884842388,0.0,0.0,0.10658607326425174,0.0,0.0761183060118661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955413948639594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558085112013032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992712143730353,0.0,0.0,0.20925881845617256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413309117673636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649128733921801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20385116877080772,0.0,0.0,0.5209542800447622,0.0,0.086440344131275,0.0,0.08257968840290368,0.17709620890006966,0.15888386194924514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927787659413056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286226172521726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445074184522198 bpd,ekerialia,2020/03/02,"DAE here have autism and BPD? I’ve masked my entire life, and I also mask my BPD symptoms, to the point where I don’t even realize I’m having reactions to things until it all blows up in my face. I find it so difficult at times. I’m wondering if anyone else can share what their experiences have been like with ASD+BPD.",5.027769230769231,5.264629584615388,5.8151923076923095,82.3135576923077,68.53846153846155,9.576923076923078,27.01923076923077,9.516144504307137,2.0609230769230766,253,7,53,5,4,83,52,65,0.051,0.8740000000000001,0.075,0.1176,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,6,3,1,0,1,8,9,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,7,2,7,8,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,3,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306882245478255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258042229866996,0.20893254304371486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7704622965130757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034280126279724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468234081790764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19946563821369812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863724106757065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440294908768874,0.09962139017036632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19276330544539186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21194325502121855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547046229546156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890306952183582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22113450268307802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ShortBlondieEm,2020/03/02,"Why Me This is my first post on here but I got technically diagnosed by a psychiatrist two years ago. The title says it all...why me? Why me to have BPD? Why me to have eating disorders? Why me to be so suicidal so often? Why me to push away good relationships at fear of abandonment? Why me can’t I keep a job due to my emotions? Why me why me why me why me why me why me? I could be such a good student and be almost to my career but my stupid behaviors and tendencies seem to keep me from doing anything that could support myself....why me....",-1.0334839310666055,0.9745889026548724,1.871066604564508,92.24089892873779,102.45132743362831,5.564788076385655,17.451793199813693,7.0608816371341465,0.4614353982300892,418,13,93,9,19,145,64,113,0.17300000000000001,0.741,0.086,-0.9363,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,1,4,0,10,2,0,0,0,12,15,6,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,2,1,1,22,3,13,9,0,9,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,3,4,63,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452998674936898,0.0,0.07289549763662355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05990557843124149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839500673081124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168504375695516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624467110572567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388723779569538,0.0,0.0,0.08343146012057798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448931844528962,0.0,0.08188662194057611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191665884447638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061920936107557535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122117034046231,0.05822226538118516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722396090209145,0.12941031310180587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971922863795724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815653896351696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05789095143513776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627148894828115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796279033682,0.08260896625837642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111191328556674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9196292745294756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0468787639826692 bpd,throwawayyylove,2020/03/02,"when/how should I tell my (borderline) girlfriend that I know she’s cheating on me? I want to minimize damage or like make it come off as too much of an attack. But at the same time..... the situation is fucked up..... I need to talk about it. The details don’t really matter, but can anyone who has been in this position on either end tell me how they would react in a situation like this? Or what they wish would’ve happened when they were in that situation?",2.6316758241758222,4.535996714285716,4.147348901098901,85.58827609890113,76.36263736263736,7.626923076923077,22.36401098901099,8.472884824447931,1.2815153846153846,355,10,74,7,8,118,67,91,0.098,0.78,0.122,0.3152,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,3,0,4,6,3,0,5,0,8,1,0,3,0,17,16,7,0,5,5,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,11,2,13,12,3,12,0,1,0,1,9,8,1,2,5,55,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339441756620891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21792873216426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650131727083385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696665302569436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177095415300925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169397101690155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527712841234256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871744348846067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278687131755521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081966062045218,0.1420403410333577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271912958221665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6459690745514426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396978647903198,0.3348661909147955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170098512846766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129878691084334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202861409566218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27215942601053,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kitkatkatecake,2020/03/02,"I'm getting so tired of living like this I have bpd. It's getting to the point where I cant even think a thought right without verbally abusing myself in my own head. Everything I do, think, say is wrong and I feel trapped. I so desperately want to respect myself and I can't see past all the things I hate about myself. I've been through years of DBT training, I know it well I just dont do it. Like at all. I've been to therapy, individual and group, I've been to rehab several times, I went to boston (mclean's Harvard) and that's where I learned dbt when I was 16. I'm 21 now. I have a wonderful support group, I have everything that so many people with bpd lack and still I make myself suffer. Sometimes I get motivated and I put my all into it only to be told after it all comes crashing down that I wasnt ready and i was just experiencing a ""high"" and i dont actually want help or recovery. I just want to know what i can do to change.",0.7043263938741333,2.793957834170854,3.048427853553484,90.08500837520941,83.72361809045226,6.202536491983729,22.541517109356302,7.447530270364453,0.8595195501316111,735,26,165,12,21,252,108,199,0.152,0.723,0.125,-0.8058,0,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,14,8,1,0,5,0,19,3,1,2,4,34,41,13,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,11,11,0,0,9,0,0,3,6,3,1,0,9,4,28,5,19,31,6,19,0,1,1,0,5,9,0,2,9,110,39,2,0.0,0.15888922239293587,0.1308644389207071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377941462899113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186238552036318,0.11551720303046767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143336462589807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857326285039026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241044887470737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780612039467368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101886520432245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239819585562085,0.13762758375186568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988590276836503,0.14168637621053162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739816485764293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103115855420164,0.0,0.11841473221836872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951428457928481,0.1359586202320369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199079418606444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280157592879241,0.0929696061526745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676995972477634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480978756303394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145225777536741,0.0,0.1066434814045646,0.0,0.0,0.1068621206864874,0.0,0.0,0.15149735722880153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263054146847894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709421976792037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217762946763885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335759523958878,0.0,0.08909156755437367,0.17185459743401346,0.0,0.1064621968851378,0.07819609286947797,0.1541307943002835,0.0,0.12814043436571973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372909217165653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057401617618575,0.1243141172963258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926977110638616,0.14542815570691595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466197445373216,0.0,0.08635744397215674 bpd,sourmysoup,2020/03/02,"How to cope with critique sessions in class? So, for the past three weeks or so I've been having really bad splitting episodes with regards to critique sessions in my creative writing class. Full disclosure, I mostly write about childhood trauma and abusive caretakers, but I don't glorify it at all and I always provide the appropriate trigger warnings and at times I think I'm too cautious with trigger warnings, but better safe than sorry. Basically, ever since this semester started I've been getting...interesting feedback on my poems. More than one or two people have been giving ice cold takes about how to write abusive caretakers (one person literally said ""I think it's inconsistent how the mother worries about her kid's next meal but still beats them."") and someone else said that we need to be careful about how we depict impoverished families since the family in my poem was lower-middle class. While this is definitely a valid concern, I literally am from a lower-middle class family in appalachia. I'm not a spoiled rich girl punching down on the lower class with my poetry. However, our professor forbids us from advocating for ourselves and clarifying our intentions during critique sessions, which is making me feel like I'm on trial without a defense attorney. I'm really dreading critique on Wednesday because I know my poem is going to get roasted to hell and back just like it did the last few weeks. Other student's poems don't get critiqued to the same extent that mine do, although we're all around the same skill level. This class is really making me consider swapping my major. This is an intermediate writing class, yet I got more helpful feedback in my fundamentals of writing class last semester. But the thing is that I genuinely like writing, the process, the finished product, and revising, and I do want to improve. Does anyone else have any tips on how to cope with this? I don't want to switch my major but this is really tempting me, and this amount of stress and splitting isn't something I think I'm equipped to deal with long term. I didn't flair this with urgent: coping skills needed because this isn't that urgent.",8.488742152987676,8.790755299232735,8.211440362706352,67.8458096954197,61.225063938618916,10.485049988374797,39.00034875610324,10.125756701596842,4.233249616368287,1746,83,269,33,22,559,202,391,0.132,0.765,0.102,-0.9382,4,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,5,0,1,4,18,14,2,2,16,0,25,1,0,10,3,64,51,26,0,4,10,1,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,3,19,20,1,3,5,0,1,1,8,7,0,4,9,4,32,7,45,41,14,35,1,0,0,0,22,16,1,3,21,183,51,15,0.0,0.26895889902904296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444144987370268,0.0,0.0,0.07718418431891552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936213949078752,0.11629460312907874,0.0,0.10103944595727088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727482450679902,0.09476811791695143,0.13837761699345175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003819065906201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572125252724608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701395927500298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932499093154967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18963008998179576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026676367222472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32099431163849124,0.0,0.05738922758298105,0.08108472968485868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185985799635492,0.10887995447802168,0.06450490983978673,0.0,0.0907766621248194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607694556848023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06237686789254431,0.18503599787765032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635173052872626,0.0,0.0,0.1004443086698469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152483639373185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16831826098727354,0.0,0.0,0.12070899466300652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382165721234095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083490030283446,0.07868690694498226,0.09910419733348427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908451265447134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21592980003963108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18777745672434693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616854579605734,0.08737817594329837,0.0,0.12705443867710878,0.08033618835362102,0.0,0.09064158980500757,0.0,0.1300143587894788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533819786186694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754046421818894,0.2181794772931055,0.0,0.0,0.06618301332778959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087342759870372,0.0,0.1365270420381462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389098831101018,0.0,0.1820863969944142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941036399727448,0.0,0.0,0.11526519584314382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Aurales,2020/03/02,"I let one bad thing ruin all the progress I've made I've been trying really hard to get my life in order, my doctor told me that I need to focus on sleeping, eating, being active, seeing my friends, keeping my house clean etc normal life things. It went pretty good for a few months, until I found out that my ex bf had kissed one of my best friends at a party. I got really mad and did some stupid stuff and all the progress I've made just went out the window. I don't even feel bad about the kiss anymore, just about how I acted and how I let it ruin all the progress I had made. After it happened I haven't done any of the things I worked so hard on and now I'm back at the beginning. It's like every bad thing that happens affects me so much and I just want to give up and not even try anymore. My motivation for recovery went to 0 I have no idea how to get it back again and I hate myself for it. I feel like I'm just making my life way harder than it needs to be and I have no idea how to stop and I don't even feel like trying. It feels so exhausting when everything can get ruined so easily. I'm not sure what I want from this post.. Maybe this happens to other people too, that one bad thing ruins everything? How do other people get their motivation for recovery back? Or maybe any ideas on how to not let something ruin everything, would be nice to just be sad for a while and then keep living but for me it's always the extreme, in this case it's extreme hate towards myself and my life.",3.938734177215189,4.134131987341775,4.9859240506329146,87.45749367088608,70.89873417721519,7.838987341772152,24.027848101265825,7.554174236665415,0.8782156962025316,1172,26,260,12,20,386,147,316,0.14,0.736,0.125,-0.8378,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,7,27,26,4,0,11,0,20,10,1,13,4,58,55,27,0,6,10,1,6,3,3,1,6,0,2,0,26,13,1,3,10,0,0,4,8,15,0,3,14,7,32,11,35,33,8,31,0,6,1,2,7,11,0,2,16,180,58,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464706897757032,0.0,0.0,0.10566824830231304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410180005099086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922410998904253,0.25948271925281396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153434964445573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952240868036964,0.0,0.07950724441639813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949966603011394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664859292891973,0.1539471221504116,0.0,0.06545997587679211,0.0,0.20947724821806235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571363150010056,0.11100825156697032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851867189792157,0.1200513379134598,0.0,0.16236621927762995,0.07453051532805127,0.0,0.06516547355976865,0.06213844816851832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061118479736033,0.0,0.13919591454176095,0.15341214398079556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964766393493181,0.0,0.26311891587176395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811479131739346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383400612779512,0.21950836801749066,0.1138711001621679,0.0,0.06860462799788407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22054590353121087,0.0518608966892208,0.0,0.15610677215920685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06201406952566176,0.0,0.0571135322306873,0.11521722975219653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761229611085961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794102002905608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772553593166236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440872742936537,0.0790420411840267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954466488321972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06191151978659142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774943262074127,0.0,0.0,0.05981211613009747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495509726565628,0.0,0.0,0.08894026736455184,0.0,0.0,0.07322503787168687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580799591112045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742393000132445,0.0,0.1582460000593517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165107024926257,0.06166934381357054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21606746759192846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565616647813127,0.0,0.0,0.05519110783554965,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ShinyStuffIdk,2020/03/02,"Does anybody else obsess over their fears? One of my biggest fears is the ocean, you can't see what's around you, its dark, very little of it's actually been observed and explored. It's a scary place. Like the ancient Greeks and Romans probably thought, if you pissed Poseidon/Neptune off then you would pay for it, and I believe that in a way. Well the color of the ocean is generally a blue, I own a lot of blue things, I love Frozen too and most frozen things are blue, ice is also literally frozen water, I love fish (as animals never food), I have a pet fish and hes blue, his tank decor is various shades of blue, my hamsters toys are blue, the gum I chew is blue, I may obsess over the color more than the place but I also love rivers/streams/ponds/ any water wildlife. I have a huge fear of being in the ocean but being a marine biologist is something I've thought about. I just wanna know if anyone else has done stuff like this cause it's kinda interesting to me.",4.499384615384617,5.233512271794872,5.085641025641029,85.31769230769233,69.87179487179486,7.846153846153848,26.282051282051288,7.882392219407189,1.3230512820512828,763,22,159,9,13,245,118,195,0.08800000000000001,0.789,0.12300000000000001,0.8628,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,4,1,0,7,13,1,5,15,0,19,8,1,1,1,24,26,13,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,11,6,4,0,4,1,1,1,2,6,1,1,4,10,20,7,18,18,5,16,0,0,10,3,10,11,1,6,5,104,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.13476028541237173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22086820054755146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390897719295567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655886647231264,0.14149410697647358,0.0,0.12293335881849672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558518201003144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186106378282276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084740404253436,0.14131859139394568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307204248168027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4661840244766513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698438506531826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589311095243892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493196830482798,0.13840694080091115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740298275415265,0.37390696071719104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650697093581868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357638890922554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28855866503113337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888919856195218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004341593676198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631187210474063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580851329261649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834876635773853,0.0,0.0,0.21926317273346185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394240275943725,0.0,0.10961296500580617,0.0,0.0,0.1241635158277338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809835159099796,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,R452991,2020/03/02,"I know the real me is reserved, non joking, quiet person who would seem boring to people.. At least my real self wouldn't be so needy as my fake smiling, joking, banter making, desperate charmer of people to control their opinion of me but ironically pushes ppl away or brings out the abusers self.",8.032484848484849,7.922156854545456,7.865454545454547,71.32484848484852,62.27272727272727,8.787878787878787,32.878787878787875,7.793537801064563,2.580696969696969,237,8,37,2,3,76,45,55,0.195,0.6970000000000001,0.10800000000000001,-0.7549,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,0,12,8,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,2,8,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,3,0,25,7,0,0.0,0.2804725010982084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22240465421950506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26549972479220346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009419812210987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580113169531441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282213553701084,0.20669330664125915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5388745454911549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21549946828961145,0.4938976688561603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815790296604724,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Suicidealism,2020/03/02,"I can't believe the way I act sometimes. It's fucking repulsive and it makes me want to disembowel myself. I just end up in a weird state of emotion and anxiety that culminates in a really dumb fucking comment every time, and I can't handle remembering that shit and wondering how everyone else saw it. I just get so nervous and janky and just flat out stupid - not that I'm not always stupid; it just really shows at these times. I'm edging really close to just giving up but I really want my fucking revenge first; I want people who've tormented me to lose every fucking relationship they have like they did for me, and I want them to feel everything they are torn to shreds; I want them to be jealous of the person they were, and I want them to personally, actively kill themselves because they'd know what I now know; that trying is futile and life is a fucking nightmare",12.103078431372552,7.331502876470591,11.563529411764707,62.62254901960787,58.470588235294116,15.098039215686276,44.215686274509814,12.45797560212912,5.281333333333333,699,27,128,16,6,232,100,170,0.214,0.696,0.08900000000000001,-0.9793,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,8,2,8,15,11,1,5,0,10,7,1,2,0,32,31,12,1,6,8,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,10,11,0,0,5,1,0,1,4,14,0,1,3,2,24,1,16,26,0,15,0,1,1,5,13,7,7,1,6,85,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991882984190152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186330808054496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320159519356627,0.0,0.0,0.13529262843607406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031409258929383,0.13507742071965453,0.10635805960753923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20235052553913926,0.11474462961621568,0.1079230239487598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06071766658909328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214269608074823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.555074849125314,0.06273850807413713,0.11519473344841928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285425274219667,0.0,0.1319891564003061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481830506663393,0.058666578706821175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434236827344567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015645865610042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325056081133382,0.2097040111778286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30771345366288755,0.0,0.0,0.12892440114611445,0.13603084013904435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326366407968052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876534079136895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004294207611662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152860035865342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4249690436657633,0.09531644308743208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022509206370825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,juliej98,2020/03/02,"NEED HELP/ADVICE/ANYTHING Hi this is my first time posting on reddit ever so forgive me. I'm (21F) and my whole life feels like its over atm. A couple weeks ago my bf (20M) and I decided to move out of our rented home because ""we couldnt afford it"". My bf would not let me pay rent even though he couldnt afford it alone, but i payed for alot of the other expenses so i thought i made up for it. We lived together for 6 months and only rented for 2. He got me a job in the local shop with him because i was struggling to find work back home and i have medical expenses. I have caused multiple problems because of my meltdowns and my bf forced me to move back home to my abusive parents miles away and he forced me to give up my job. About a month after we moved out he decided to break up with me saying he needs space and my mental problems are too much for him to deal with. We're on a break and I'm awaiting an appointment to be assessed for bpd. Our plan is to check back in with eachother after a couple months and get back together but I'm v v lonely atm, I'm going broke and cant find work and I'm miserable living with people who have mistreated me for years. It will be a couple weeks before I find out when my appointment is and idk how to keep going. I am still in contact with my bf but i feel like I'm putting in all this effort yet hes not, he said we would text and maybe call every so often but hes not doing that anymore either ... idk what to do and i feel hopeless.",2.0858990536277595,3.3077945993690854,3.7608782334384863,90.6834119873817,76.19242902208201,6.586195583596215,22.77463722397477,7.087006719466742,0.6151590914826497,1156,32,259,12,25,387,161,317,0.135,0.835,0.028999999999999998,-0.9896,8,3,0,0,0,1,26.0,6,0,0,5,17,10,0,2,10,0,22,2,0,3,2,61,42,24,0,8,8,1,3,2,4,3,2,2,6,0,11,27,0,1,10,1,11,6,6,7,0,1,5,5,39,3,44,29,5,45,0,4,0,0,30,17,0,2,21,166,50,6,0.0,0.10969763680432948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207068063070694,0.0,0.0,0.09588974570485358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918190661944224,0.0,0.0,0.07618925468749245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698629950043113,0.2847674357820633,0.0,0.16931617758991274,0.0,0.0787826936279818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660708956930073,0.0,0.094539250026034,0.0,0.0,0.09510990978088786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073293677594029,0.0,0.0,0.09545067928166816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06115126924536135,0.08374809062182965,0.07800653666767887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044069930251446,0.13228494404844174,0.0,0.0,0.2538619999309181,0.0787524316621289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048371643389816935,0.08881560524466761,0.10523594790498976,0.0,0.07404837949609898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062057520121338076,0.0,0.2786097724448572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18375190138716668,0.08229346550270257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946740481769048,0.06539525614418029,0.09046433876794133,0.0,0.16350783384222875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760580736690639,0.0,0.0,0.09301369641069072,0.0,0.0,0.09326926565977607,0.09330352223130252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22170048446720805,0.2952084010274924,0.0680603496487585,0.13730064725855726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041477659409476,0.0,0.0,0.10280426540845522,0.0,0.0,0.06418651898463229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867047454369699,0.0,0.0,0.1771819576984908,0.0,0.09307311654648763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806917661207836,0.07362700700829472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393819824287012,0.0,0.0,0.09678954855904567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096392044327144,0.07350184758545393,0.05398683728151333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853159733038093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336742340062116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480541410687272,0.0,0.0,0.13153891731359446,0.0,0.0,0.05962146067264695 bpd,indiemessiah,2020/03/02,"I cant figure out how to make journaling fun So ive always had an attachment to physical/ 2 dinensional expression, aside from being an artist ive collected and started journals, sketchbooks, planners and the like and I can remember being this way since I was pretty young, but taking more form in my teen years. (im 26 now) I picked up bullet journaling like a year ago and found it to be a helpful tool, but only if i use it consistently and i have like a really hard time finding the energy to back my want to stick to it, so i figure i just need to find a way to make it more rewarding, but im at a brick wall with that idea so here I am, Lets hear any tips or tricks that work for you on doing small daily chores, or ideas that you havent figured out how to try yet!!",5.1842581090407185,4.603820124223604,6.4115113871635625,80.95728088336784,68.25465838509318,10.136922015182883,28.44789510006901,9.725611199111238,2.26707812284334,604,17,131,12,9,205,105,161,0.024,0.8029999999999999,0.17300000000000001,0.971,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,3,10,6,1,0,9,0,14,0,0,6,0,32,23,16,0,3,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,8,8,0,0,9,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,15,5,18,16,3,19,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,3,12,86,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466254456030195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763386465138985,0.0,0.0,0.1124840585567458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718961218518227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30236237493090506,0.0,0.0,0.1813628604592928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817432534113933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18642840615201303,0.0,0.11087042864617176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37345413929366217,0.3573410550858513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16914230994919469,0.0,0.2424320210536126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22082410690886653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264896812819047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580129609992827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682808172148748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596549193946107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18737659628056133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368283581941144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707761887664185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243672771841281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645154654825497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230211927756716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428606060327068,0.0,0.0,0.09756274489581758,0.262588552081824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204200072499723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21303645032423216 bpd,Suspicious_Staff,2020/03/02,HAVING RELATIONSHIPS WITH BPD Hey! I was diagnosed with BPD around 3 years ago now but I have had the illness from a young age - I just was not aware at the time I had a mental illness as I thought my behaviours and thinking were “normal” as it was all I really knew until I read about BPD and realised it was exactly what I was experiencing. My question is; does anyone with BPD have happy healthy relationships? I have only been in three in my life and each one was the exact same pattern from my side and my BPD just seems to come out in extremes when I am in a relationship. I seem to cope when I am alone and on my own but when I get into a relationship it all just comes out and it feels like I am never going to be able to be in a long lasting happy relationship. I am about to embark on DBT therapy so I hope that this will help me. I have so many triggers in relationships that my head makes things up that may not even be real and I completely destroy the relationship and act completely crazy but I have no control over it. This illness sucks. 😟,3.1318746564046203,4.653834177570097,4.703523914238595,83.76167949422761,74.04672897196261,7.839032435404067,25.67234744365036,8.4952907291091,1.63956602528862,830,28,173,15,17,279,116,214,0.124,0.764,0.11199999999999999,-0.1678,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,13,6,2,0,9,0,26,6,1,3,5,46,39,19,0,2,8,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,0,0,12,18,0,1,7,1,0,4,4,2,0,2,12,2,27,4,30,22,5,33,0,0,0,0,10,16,1,5,14,136,39,1,0.08524797151436793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755671831792145,0.0,0.0,0.08829118904584562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05960736379691079,0.0,0.0,0.07588876826729797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5368341793781537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468671581767379,0.17876175244456846,0.0,0.09561284883551244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652489663138031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746010743481658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563054811924725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04310393581261192,0.06090116788321456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044538546635987004,0.0,0.04844838675188976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814961017132676,0.0,0.0,0.0874890128141188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713991835596344,0.0,0.0,0.08467047075840038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948847467940199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06021316336262919,0.04164785284055377,0.0,0.0,0.075441772192996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05690368294718799,0.08642806291736077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590990474959848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574849100262324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352491222592004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05776623173297925,0.0648349237573953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549723801089596,0.0,0.08527104082614485,0.09703085473944772,0.05461203345117017,0.0,0.0,0.6406709277058822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521310315356673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748848486106584,0.0,0.05663496432116115,0.054623457984184116,0.0,0.06767736709158638,0.04970877773605498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05489689869071866 bpd,macaronimadi,2020/03/02,"Mood swings/easy triggers heavily impacting my life Mood swings/easy triggers massively impacting my life I have a question. Why is my mood so noticeable? If one bad thing happens, it impacts my whole mood. I can’t control it. My feelings just take over my body. I become rude to everyone. It’s really been impacting me at work, to the point where I’ve basically lost my job because of the way I treat people when I’m upset. When I’m angry, sad, etc. everyone can pick up on it and it’s just so visible to everyone. I’m tired of being this way. I really don’t know what a solution to this problem is. Also, I’m easily triggered. If someone says/does something that upsets me in the slightest, my mood instantly flips. It’s impacting me at work. It’s hard for me to maintain steady relationships/friendships, it’s getting really extreme... A lot of people refer to me as mean or cunty when they first meet me and I’m in a bad mood. I deal with these ups and downs multiple times a day.",1.478624667258206,4.006629346938777,3.687559893522625,83.8027817213842,84.61224489795919,7.490328305235138,25.35847382431233,8.456263369488248,2.2221817213842066,776,33,149,20,23,265,113,196,0.16,0.8009999999999999,0.039,-0.9698,1,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,1,5,9,15,1,2,8,0,8,4,1,5,0,21,20,13,0,3,5,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,14,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,8,0,2,2,2,21,1,21,17,3,19,0,2,0,0,4,11,0,5,6,92,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449285800021256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390816487413135,0.08727499697915471,0.15811982436081548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159029401183865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057713365947213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923326935240733,0.1476018038774014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967220104840474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4104147120010966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239096571778238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178018072307695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480032488592868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660460416668928,0.0,0.12825204253496078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207396068189704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868239206848825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022501640542968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562867773433886,0.12171786612965745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595391201486852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629997956446161,0.0,0.0,0.0970155792549232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19851186095356246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534176199825482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699418782370767,0.0,0.0,0.1603829708972176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751547695223669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130732883249146,0.11021912657819917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764589132870224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511567060661348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348347678985578,0.1645526536734706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272830874934416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918849918074668,0.1598439976636293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20845867671510576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fadeintonothing00,2020/03/02,"when do you know you need to be hospitalised (not officially diagnosed as bpd just think it’s a strong probability) i was almost hospitalised a few weeks ago for paranoia but they put me on valium which has now ran out and I’m back at square one but this time im having suicidal ideation 247, including murder suicide of those who have seriously done wrong (I’m too pussy to murder I think) but it’s very distressing I’ve been writing down all my thoughts lately which hasn’t been helping, it’s just turning into a 20 page suicide note I’ve started addressing people and saying my goodbyes But my brain is still telling me I’m taking everything and I don’t need help? Am I going to jump out of a window immediately ?? No I really don’t think so But if I were to drink and hve a mental breakdown there’s a good chance I will hurt myself or overdose like in the past I’m so scared I don’t want to die but my brain is just telling me over and over I need to",1.502760454435581,3.8184520050761432,3.282784626540973,88.23516074450086,82.248730964467,6.595020546289582,22.57892192409959,7.793537801064563,1.1245612279429542,763,26,160,14,21,254,123,197,0.26899999999999996,0.644,0.087,-0.9943,0,0,1,0,0,5,9.0,0,2,1,1,11,10,2,2,7,0,18,4,2,0,1,32,36,17,6,5,12,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,2,0,8,8,1,0,5,1,0,4,6,7,0,1,7,2,20,3,19,27,3,23,0,1,1,0,10,9,0,3,11,101,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730930303977025,0.0,0.1325169964113335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175945040084597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667458222288292,0.29546507022971874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343198845369599,0.13734554174919195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542731770619004,0.0,0.12964047255430264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189365072113058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521051128486042,0.11099850530642902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774062156634994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167014443335738,0.0,0.14294732386734554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272928740151174,0.0,0.14928258393473545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465346972430397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336518084162896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943799743044476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967538683767698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633121936309386,0.0917462332317852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426823222463379,0.0,0.0,0.13303584605246527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477885918478383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052401760369431,0.13249303021791728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366923875654956,0.0,0.10568498320266394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4342675855299037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950141019127136,0.0,0.2313378015469917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25438978334881296,0.0,0.10506127701296178,0.07716712236508792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394531376892244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919238457233914,0.07805614884446478,0.0,0.10615324515592907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469039759741845,0.0,0.0 bpd,Dalbike,2020/03/02,Letting the past go I’ve found a way to live in the moment for my immediate sanity with mindfulness and the like. I’m really struggling with reminders of the past. My FP hurt me a long time ago and I didn’t really want to know the details. I’ve tortured myself with the unknown and now knowing more after all this time has just made me relive it all. FP isn’t the same person that hurt me and if I could let the past go or ignore the triggers we’d be living an otherwise happily ever after.,3.864537815126052,4.650479627450983,5.594817927170869,80.90382352941178,71.3529411764706,8.573669467787116,26.336134453781508,8.841846274778883,1.914578151260505,390,12,78,7,7,134,69,102,0.149,0.78,0.071,-0.8519,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,12,0,8,0,0,2,3,23,16,6,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,7,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,3,0,9,1,10,8,4,16,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,2,13,54,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026022983274834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353397999678761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333133889207234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185858770854278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19267267673852467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629275413183228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18631633054401905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34667055588998763,0.0,0.08281393690460358,0.0,0.2993605573120552,0.150010858573692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039429243760428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711565987058746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4854489174685751,0.0,0.14800943853492335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21718466542666412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720847079765328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19768508109163235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998128504141067,0.13454900691006302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LadyIntr0vert,2020/03/02,"Angry about being single and shelling out money for everyone else’s milestones while I can barely afford or get support for mine It’s a lot easier to buy a house or do much of anything when you have two people contributing to bills. I am getting very angry and frustrated at being single and trying to save for a home and everything that goes along with it all on my own dime (I’m single), all while I shell out hundreds of dollars for other people’s couples housewarmings, bridal showers, weddings etc. In return I’ll be lucky to even get a small gift or gift card when I get my own home, and I doubt I’ll ever get married (I’m almost 40 and have been single for a very long time). I’m really struggling to work full time with bpd but I have no choice as I have no partner to help me. I just feel like I really got the short end of the stick in life and have nothing to show for it and no one who cares that everything is just so incredibly hard for me. How can I stop being so angry and bitter at feeling like there’s no one there to make my big events (like buying a house) truly special for me just because I’m not part of a couple or getting married?",5.7722495151906905,5.114277815126055,6.473529411764705,81.2585746606335,67.06722689075629,9.003749191984486,29.23206205559147,8.139509932561175,1.8604159017453128,912,26,186,10,13,301,131,238,0.141,0.723,0.136,-0.2885,2,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,1,13,12,2,2,9,0,15,1,0,2,3,36,31,22,0,0,9,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,3,1,7,14,0,1,2,1,6,0,5,4,0,3,2,4,18,8,32,25,13,23,0,0,0,0,5,11,0,8,15,130,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558935707656954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320943438761483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645446851792786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796127432139295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787338083178856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775482391163525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477176916011716,0.0,0.11108431309987617,0.0,0.13987572260998488,0.08283829441285498,0.11344897780632468,0.0,0.11984355872842095,0.2254376401233189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683157836773135,0.17919921003608782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3931585871372481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030930734864446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235109811222448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406594312403465,0.0,0.2516116578979683,0.0,0.0,0.2894341696577162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885873923555004,0.18382067014802214,0.0,0.0,0.11099217347220597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662704194996336,0.0,0.0,0.08371838658196397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921976493966784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034324395829582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16997478789178644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581692844242355,0.0,0.17389996389612492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069368770859666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485618819787104,0.0,0.13111553069243528,0.0,0.0,0.1423243862449071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626605715086236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515150240850536,0.0,0.1225164757710921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206968188948852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091306776785169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AsleepPsychology,2020/03/02,"Drinking and The Club I can't enjoy myself whenever I go out drinking around a college crowd. I feel intimated being around a culture who can all just enjoy the moment, let go and have fun. I'm 23 years old and I'm a male. It's embarrassing because (not to put myself on a pedestal) I'm friendly fun and handsome but I can never drop my guard and just enjoy myself. It's actually like I feel some mild form of resentment flow through me knowing these other people can have fun but I can't. It's like I'm instantly reminded of how inadequate I am when it comes to socializing and just being present in the moment. I feel extremely lonely in these situations. Two nights ago I left around 11:30pm while my friends stayed until 2am, self-loathed the whole way on the walk home. I drank too much and left before I did something stupid. Does anybody else feel the same way?",2.605742134062929,4.965201715116283,3.860533515731877,85.40512311901506,78.36046511627906,6.605198358413133,25.815321477428174,7.724431198458867,1.5235891928864564,693,27,135,11,17,226,103,172,0.13699999999999998,0.7190000000000001,0.14400000000000002,0.0674,0,2,3,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,9,15,2,1,10,0,12,3,0,1,2,29,25,13,0,0,6,0,4,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,8,12,3,1,5,3,0,6,4,4,0,1,2,4,17,11,14,20,6,31,0,1,0,0,7,10,0,1,13,86,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.1428386684239102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975059212463205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909082833591437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892274566659754,0.0,0.12455241102971297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608714481192485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809176103404982,0.0,0.0,0.2867790983556562,0.0,0.0,0.12227563246168913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29604179800243624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22617441377743416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637398945075296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682378111411967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044262356540867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180687954314607,0.1496760318714019,0.0,0.14302064307374546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760079725513837,0.0,0.11289167175465023,0.0,0.0,0.1373608900672962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535935559399646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147641984534664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714502048705178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526986784542726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16452907952779666,0.0,0.1492085634780172,0.0,0.1126848774668749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15601385299094925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298488688296526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23236771746980325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634199240162024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425923808796817 bpd,thesevencs1,2020/03/02,DAE get multiple emotions at once? Sometimes I get multiple emotions at one time like happy and angry or sad with thoughts racing. It doesnt last long because I tend to switch to only one emotion,4.8496396396396415,6.908780270270274,5.165945945945946,79.99234234234235,70.62162162162161,7.095495495495496,33.954954954954964,7.793537801064563,2.7395657657657657,158,8,26,2,3,50,30,37,0.15,0.7040000000000001,0.146,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,2,2,5,4,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249285598494526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7334591494721966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271099172906428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23137017124492906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17716700396708154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618487948491427,0.0,0.0,0.19234546182033432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314677098598024,0.29456022034784324,0.1653023648529845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149619711409896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725494252005922,0.1267369195106675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kreutzerland,2020/03/02,"Letting go of current FP To preface this, I've had a number of FPs over the years and my current FP friendship came after a 6-7 stint of codependency with my last one. Knowing how bad things could get, as soon as I realized I was idealizing this friend of mine (let's call them M) I immediately told them about my BPD and tried to be clear about what to expect/what I needed and encouraged them to set boundaries. I was really afraid of being a bad friend because I blamed myself entirely for the shit that happened in my last FP friendship, so I was extremely clear about the boundary setting thing... and for a while, things were great and I was happy I was managing things well. M was communicative and I had a high period of being able to understand I was loved/cared for. Unfortunately, M is close friends with someone who, for some reason, hates me. That's a whole different story in of itself, but essentially this other person (let's call them H) never communicated to me that there was a problem (which I would've gladly fixed if possible) and you know how BPD works with conflict. I'm over it now, but looking back I suspect H was jealous of me for some reason. Well. Over time, M seemed to show preference towards H who they *knew* hated me, in addition to knowing how *I* felt about the situation and also my BPD. I was insanely jealous of course, but M had every right to be friends with whoever they wanted and I told them this. Now, months and months later, after feeling abandoned and forgotten, I'm not really buying the whole ""I see everyone equally"" thing anymore— which already wasn't great because it felt like I was never special, but considering the things M does for H I just can't help but think it's not true. Despite that, I tried really hard to believe what they told me. I rarely ever came to them when I was feeling abandoned (my issues with taking up space made this really hard anyway) because I was determined to stop ""making problems"" in my relationships and instead took on all that self hatred and fear and doubt on my own. Doing made my entire 2019 fucking horrible. I made a lot of progress in learning about how to cope, sure, but right now I'm just feeling tired and done. On the recommendation of my therapist, I tried to reach out and ask M whether or not it was okay to talk to them about my mental illness and whether or not they wanted to take an active role in helping me manage it. I asked this twice with no reply, not even to me saying that I missed them and wanted to talk more again if possible. On top of that, before that they surprised H with a substantial gift which sent me into a huge episode. I asked M specifically to warn me about things like that because I *know* it's a trigger of mine, and while I was having a break down I tried to— as calmly as possible —remind them that I still needed warnings like that. They told me they ""weren't sure"" if it was still necessary since I hadn't had anything happen for a few months— which, I'm sure from their end seems true but the reality of my situation was that I was *terrified* of bringing any of my insecurities up. I would sit there and spiral into self hate because I was never sure if the right thing to do was bring it up or stay quiet. This particular episode though, I tried to reach out— I tried to tell them I missed them and that I understood if they were busy or something like that. M glossed over my message, said some other unrelated thing after not replying to me for a few days. To be fair, they did call me and tell me I was still important to them, but this was after the damage had already been done after my breakdown— probably the worst one I've had in a while. I didn't tell them how bad it was and that I cut myself over it lol. If I did I'd probably find some reason to hate myself for it anyway— like ""oh you're just being manipulative"" or something. So I'm kind of mentally letting go of M as my FP. Even though rationally nothing bad actually happened, I still feel like it's for the best since having FPs is hell anyway. I just don't want to put myself in a position where I feel that horrible and vulnerable again. To M's credit, they did a lot more for me than any of my past FPs and I learned a lot about relationships in the process, so I'm not hateful, I'm grateful for what they did. But I just cannot deal with them clearly favoring H, and I'm tired of trying to match their words with their actions. I'm learning to idealize them less and see them for who they are— just another person. I'm not exactly happy about it because this only came about as the result of feeling irreparably hurt, but in the end I think it's for the best. And, as BPD is, it's already really hard for me to recall the good memories I have with M. I'll still be friends with them, but I'm not going to invest so much of myself in them ever again. I'm not as upset as I could be, so small victory. But it makes me sad that it really feels like all my close relationships are doomed to end the same way. Maybe in a week though my feelings about this will change lol.",5.069580039525694,5.539530807312254,5.898218873517788,80.93906744071147,68.49604743083005,8.97322134387352,29.1524209486166,8.974205444408168,2.17574723320158,3995,135,806,67,64,1314,361,1012,0.16,0.687,0.153,-0.9693,3,0,2,0,0,1,106.0,0,1,33,7,57,69,11,5,38,3,70,5,1,16,17,177,149,80,0,20,41,0,13,7,5,2,3,3,0,4,66,48,0,4,31,1,3,12,21,31,2,3,59,19,128,38,138,74,23,102,2,8,3,1,73,40,3,21,51,582,194,7,0.0429515519265232,0.0,0.041914518844433785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219431682675018,0.0343483405576723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058417056363020775,0.04503844720976154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03534546752612529,0.0,0.12046170905396132,0.0,0.0,0.03302709219042025,0.14345100708449735,0.1570972043551011,0.0,0.0365486071581908,0.048391690647721315,0.09015000769343033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21638390424440307,0.0,0.13157501036512906,0.14737539893984905,0.0,0.0,0.04543704676571784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858663842747896,0.0,0.0,0.027700197699372358,0.04428116403992926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04487522999139377,0.0,0.0,0.03758719253630114,0.08790870016228955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412697893259942,0.0,0.0,0.056738189923469386,0.07770427548059013,0.03618853498334031,0.0410420485141134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048332437159577565,0.17374076163028812,0.06136919455686809,0.08248045110453238,0.0,0.03925694032787063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659213123625028,0.03970801764398366,0.022440413121678198,0.0,0.07323107033623713,0.036025723933389146,0.0,0.0947084752625809,0.0,0.0,0.11394574655683767,0.09144545141329337,0.11542846194475452,0.2120288262009029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05757903975298261,0.04538067281421065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04598052468246967,0.0,0.0,0.04483026104776598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04472743176858701,0.09442019863477286,0.0700224949747734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17568348760618352,0.0,0.146887710932268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03606848599350359,0.0,0.0,0.10954762045769384,0.0,0.12192539087386453,0.05734098887044186,0.0,0.04315060699115427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657012405821582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856703793208566,0.0,0.0315743327349,0.0636960630327573,0.0993806541747595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0412131724832604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058210166360625974,0.03266659071117705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04100211638327026,0.0,0.07500727684730203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526426362366793,0.0,0.0,0.09261807512148032,0.08219766891978013,0.0,0.043178172984401235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16509518400884962,0.13248404685401244,0.0,0.13834167779850706,0.0,0.11004117198587464,0.04085676168854591,0.034156798041032665,0.0,0.0,0.06845365185852938,0.07820295945286637,0.08961567208953873,0.0,0.04408915082218967,0.07105993520542134,0.0965586879297848,0.0,0.0,0.03639271056428883,0.06613240619201152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04578063946784343,0.17150582425651445,0.035909420653756415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192531752004174,0.0,0.06458844332430907,0.06904566092533809,0.1126246486501973,0.0,0.0,0.04987006227726895,0.2568159231141865,0.05504324033372487,0.12659904507260564,0.0,0.025045395335586557,0.09873298102200542,0.0,0.1641681940564536,0.047720754582918565,0.2041289904093536,0.0,0.0,0.044714080323346256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013357526504043,0.034092942689095365,0.034453144157783354,0.0,0.07723720691192483,0.0,0.0,0.09590774767522918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0312692413530234,0.0,0.0,0.061023100296748026,0.0,0.0,0.027659391218735074 bpd,OpulentPink,2020/03/02,"I'm completely unable to move on. It's been more than 2 months since by best friend left my life. I haven't stopped hurting at all. I haven't moved on even a bit from them. I don't think what moving on even feels like because I've never moved on from anyone else leaving from my entire life. This isn't the first time. They've left before and for much longer and it never got better. I still check their social media constantly. I still read old chats and conversations. I still constantly wish they were beside me every moment or that I could just talk to them again. The worst part is that it keeps getting worse, I miss them more and more as time passes by, the complete opposite of moving on. Its debilitating. I can't do anything productive with thoughts like those around. I can't study, I can't take care of myself. It wrecks my entire mental state. Impulses, self harm, soul crushing depression and nightmares just all paralyse me. All it takes is just one thought. I just cannot grasp or fathom the concept of moving on, my therapist stopped DBT for me within minutes of introducing it because it was ot going to work for me. Meds do absolutely nothing to help. I can't keep living like this. I'll go absolutely insane in a month much less years and the rest of my life. I just wish I could die.",3.430564630681822,5.4285929726562525,3.928650568181818,87.62174715909094,74.3515625,6.685795454545455,23.35511363636364,7.520522993642371,0.9418109375,1035,30,206,13,22,325,148,256,0.126,0.775,0.099,-0.8426,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,5,4,12,12,0,0,7,0,18,3,0,0,5,33,35,9,1,4,7,0,1,3,1,0,3,0,0,1,14,8,0,4,5,2,1,9,11,5,0,2,6,1,30,7,30,27,14,40,1,3,0,0,12,12,0,2,21,135,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061312144672799364,0.08984474936620823,0.0721581710116956,0.0780592001165846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690523878284047,0.0,0.07461439415423465,0.0,0.09202112925851187,0.07755121042483955,0.09573048688753197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940180068471658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18387436936797646,0.18951499894522889,0.0,0.14002039670600722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755238906567409,0.0,0.09100430531408588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325046669532806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158316553138145,0.0,0.07387930274399343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04433671580434639,0.06264295177891445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458573331333103,0.0,0.0,0.06774604649430094,0.0,0.04581235674447627,0.0,0.09966803792284297,0.0,0.07013056700363818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05877412986706083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938697602682087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587883045308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092846895932233,0.19054236103726693,0.0,0.18580581063145865,0.12851696582514335,0.0,0.07742841352454083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739946545695018,0.0,0.0883669428290801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998038207336844,0.5591785448697397,0.12891871351714745,0.0,0.1352578183496182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413715692920186,0.0,0.09201178867361356,0.0,0.05941835591458305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495547773302848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770980728732929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147570317446377,0.0,0.0,0.07253483000108593,0.0,0.0,0.08938491414574083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21007864593200426,0.1466189753777871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185803626249598,0.07047874815891937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181029518161724,0.0,0.05618569829502247,0.0,0.1392259029045852,0.1022609146898385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20166932495546802,0.0,0.0,0.06383650925793241,0.0,0.08935960490609315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056466959452882076 bpd,thruway-,2020/03/02,"major suicidal urges insults or yelling is done, even if they’re very minor and done in a somewhat joking matter i don’t know why my brain does this to me, it’s mostly like a subconscious ‘haha yes this will show them they’ll regret it’ but it’s so hard to get through in the moment. do people get this? i’m so afraid one day i’m going to act on it.",0.9793609022556424,2.6724619736842143,2.928496240601504,93.40447368421052,80.57894736842105,5.395488721804512,18.75187969924812,6.1826913282559595,-0.1941593984962404,274,6,62,2,7,92,58,76,0.136,0.7959999999999999,0.067,-0.6168,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,3,6,1,1,3,2,7,1,1,0,0,9,13,6,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,3,0,1,2,2,5,3,7,9,3,7,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,4,3,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044763073682671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17589951262953782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386830924458629,0.5582305831266061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801470889004983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849985241367515,0.0,0.1550086359344574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443281021555011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989484102686587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332506052569737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18482070063258849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890887087779489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983413927723645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22504517384388625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461121101953996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shirtlesscats,2020/03/02,"life is so good so why do i feel like tearing it apart? so i know being self destructive is a characteristic of being bpd, but my life has been so up and down the past few years that it feels strange to be completely content. i have a boyfriend that i love and trust so much, a family that's pretty fucking chill (i came home last night n my mom was like ""oh u smell like weed lol"" i love her sm), i graduate school in three weeks. so why do i feel like destroying it? i haven't cried or been angry in a few weeks, while i get upset, it hasn't been as dramatic or rage induced. it feel so weird and i like it a lot, but i'm scared i'm gonna pull something out of my ass to be unreasonably upset about.",0.8377578051088008,2.5222256092715263,2.760799432355725,94.47955298013248,80.98675496688743,6.433491012298959,20.05723746452223,7.447530270364453,0.29751050141911106,541,14,132,8,14,181,91,151,0.198,0.565,0.23600000000000002,0.7961,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,8,17,4,3,6,1,16,6,1,1,0,16,29,16,0,0,4,1,4,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,9,5,0,0,6,0,0,2,2,8,0,1,5,5,15,9,11,19,4,15,0,0,0,4,5,6,2,3,12,77,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19282942741159131,0.0,0.0,0.1751104602187526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605268800456595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817781562748593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433304914807696,0.0,0.3096564109073635,0.21875539566464794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141542400441955,0.07999064492791992,0.0,0.0,0.12841657039919455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357603352778074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414208488570105,0.12480038807938125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21628410149491487,0.3739949841433762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016374762822852,0.2763651037903972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793138324879522,0.0,0.0,0.11254923093164984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367795528971158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615531876010945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576205146264938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328405094655204,0.15494966215355616,0.0,0.0,0.15972111046311946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178671219921498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456219683686096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763055209318209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985941092039398 bpd,kedino,2020/03/02,"Recently diagnosed, I feel like I'm losing my mind... I've been diagnosed last Thursday, and ever since it feels like I'm going crazy. I don't know much about my newfound condition, but the more I learn about it the more it feels like my whole personality is dissolving. Turns out that 90% of what I always believed to be ""me"" is actually my BPD. So now I'm constantly thinking about every single moment in my life, every single decision I made, and I wonder what was ""me"" and what was ""it"". I'm at a point where it feels like I'm just an empty vessel for my disease. It feels the same as if you suddenly learned something about someone close that make you feel like you don't really know them (ex. discovering your husband/wife has a secret life), but it's myself that I don't know anymore... So, now that I've discovered this subreddit, I have a lot of questions that I want to ask. How can you deal with that kind of doubt? How can I know for sure who I am exactly? Is there any form of ""cure"" for this condition? And what EXACTLY is this condition? What does it involve? How deep does it go? I've been diagnosed, but no one explained to me what it really meant, and when I google it I either find non-medical website that can't really be trusted or medical website that are almost impossible to understand without a doctorate. I just want to understand what is happening with me...",4.878974673202613,5.652532738970593,6.137892156862744,77.9714869281046,69.03676470588235,10.162091503267973,30.552287581699343,10.25414643259724,3.09753366013072,1083,42,212,28,18,365,140,272,0.061,0.862,0.077,0.4991,0,0,1,0,1,0,46.0,0,5,1,1,17,10,0,1,8,0,21,7,0,5,4,56,51,17,0,3,9,1,6,5,0,0,7,0,0,1,30,9,0,0,22,0,0,2,6,2,0,1,6,6,31,8,23,43,10,19,0,1,0,0,15,7,0,7,15,148,61,3,0.0,0.0,0.1000008309712795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026139235287448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526742032879504,0.0,0.0,0.06968652319354883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162767752804633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580030450646873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545424855854855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290636921871982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073908467101573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564723924909186,0.0,0.3120299448415502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048875185487511,0.17935314975024444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269451651014417,0.17267923715878866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108866751118465,0.3660408505762864,0.0,0.0,0.09366030584169116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647782341197728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061831600340384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671195727358057,0.22527034985168296,0.08353081315508748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476226515334475,0.2503205769003659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146433280059685,0.0,0.08712059193104252,0.0,0.09696433550975207,0.06840286723845533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382663865318735,0.10323279517653383,0.0,0.0,0.10347055128586037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533092584392104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943972121741357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894772291370239,0.0,0.0,0.09687201060293037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147954676213324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19694435299993585,0.0,0.10118171314712307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476839010942255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682674638908426,0.07889027186351183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658148747568668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566185088696673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114633882400772,0.0,0.21336020604444889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088483598907175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114409692971823,0.0,0.09878225617838353,0.11112978084232664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,piditbeeny,2020/03/02,"Falling apart I knew this day was coming where I was gonna fall apart. The anxiety and depression has slowly been building over the last couple years and I've reached my breaking point. This probably sounds stupid but it's all because I havent been touched in years and I dont mean just sexually. I cannot remember the last time I was hugged/held. I feel like I'm going to break into a million pieces and all those pieces are going to float off into different directions if I cant be held tightly to keep me together. I feel so empty and broken.",5.181506493506493,5.728866709090909,5.771298701298702,81.67409090909094,68.27272727272727,9.194805194805195,30.259740259740266,9.23628265651192,2.459974025974025,438,16,87,8,7,142,77,110,0.145,0.812,0.044000000000000004,-0.8535,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,4,0,12,0,0,0,2,21,23,8,0,1,3,0,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,8,0,3,5,0,0,5,4,2,0,1,7,5,11,1,8,14,4,22,0,1,0,0,0,9,0,1,7,54,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287373918586094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775503778272466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19466137494543045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500420767233271,0.0,0.14573811658827568,0.0,0.1946358575008887,0.0,0.0,0.23610053514382015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648463526088198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285241034144719,0.16143983751170246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25685877485725345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008610094610036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684069928737982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040219471954403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24615798092898436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136237202288666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436441785854441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559907809852867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317704943853117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910468456539628 bpd,crescent-stars,2020/03/02,"How do you cope with your BPD when you can't afford care? Hello, my question is exactly that. I am having relationship trouble because of my BPD and I need help at this point. I've been looking through and my insurance has a very high deductible, plus most therapists are open on weekdays only. Sites like BetterHelp are still pricey for me at this moment. How do you manage your BPD if you can't afford care from a professional?",4.128728222996518,6.2684390853658565,4.663937282229966,82.48890243902441,72.78048780487805,7.612543554006969,27.567944250871076,8.418075326091056,2.0433846689895474,343,13,63,6,7,109,61,82,0.1,0.838,0.062,-0.4795,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,6,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,11,0,0,2,1,12,15,7,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,12,3,9,14,1,10,0,0,1,0,10,7,0,3,4,45,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436453020348825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7088598199021287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825591730045184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257501657897073,0.19821890585592292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165614075362748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754406856817602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910948360520314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268488030845425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17735087440380734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21016469497765736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20142154730170875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982456065040528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178281758852969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479683630690527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ComfortablePatience,2020/03/02,"How do I mentally prepare myself to fully break off from my ex? My ex with BPD threw me away a while back, around July of last year. I personally might have some personality disorders as well, maybe BPD, and I've definitely got substantial emotional dependency issues. The thing is, for reasons, I'm at a point where I need to just push her away. I'm ridiculously clingy, so for me to have gotten to this point, you know it's bad. She's hurt me so much, and I just don't have the energy anymore. I've been distancing myself, avoiding her for days at a time, etc. She picked up on it, and I noticed she changed her facebook profile pic the other day to the one she had when I met her in 2017 (which messed with my head because she knows I'm always stuck in the past, and she knows I adored that profile pic she had). Then she tried subtly reaching out a couple ways, which I avoided. And today, a friend of mine tells me that she's been sending random friend requests to him and trying to get into some facebook meme groups we have. It's obvious she's coming for me. I don't even understand her reasoning. She threw me away around May, and kept leading me on until July. The entire time, she was talking to someone else, which I later found out was a girl and that she was bi all along. Then she loves to rub it in my face about how she has someone new while I'm alone. She randomly gets mad at me whenever she *thinks* I'm talking to new girls, and now she's trying to spy on me???? I just wanna be left alone dudes. I was planning on cutting everything off in a couple days because of a few reasons, but she's already doing the ""hoover"" techniques, and she's already being aggressive with them. How do I prepare myself? I honestly don't have the energy for anything anymore. I don't wanna be fighting or arguing or going on secret spy missions to avoid this chick. Idk dudes, I'm worn out. I just wanna be left alone. I'm on week 2 of semi-ghosting her, and she's already reaching out to my friends, sneaking into groups on fake accounts, and god knows what else. I've been enduring blatant abuse ever since early 2019. I can't do it anymore, I can't keep clinging onto a fantasy of things going back to how they were. But trying to break away has her just escalating her approach options. What do I even do anymore?",3.6426878078817744,4.992589247844833,4.737182266009854,84.71175862068971,72.46982758620689,7.371822660098523,27.481280788177337,7.859703344183488,1.6361632512315267,1817,66,362,24,35,596,217,464,0.10800000000000001,0.8220000000000001,0.07,-0.9395,0,6,0,0,3,0,63.0,1,1,2,2,24,20,6,3,17,0,36,4,2,10,4,73,66,29,0,4,9,2,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,5,18,26,0,5,11,1,1,9,6,13,1,1,19,1,71,7,66,41,6,71,0,1,0,2,56,35,0,10,24,255,89,1,0.0,0.09321095415890776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444348379303921,0.2604425359774922,0.0,0.0654596496837081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120775622624621,0.0,0.0,0.064738615461194,0.14006576022379735,0.0,0.0,0.2956518011285983,0.1209845771334976,0.06568607119356971,0.0959128681799276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981639422157318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322231120818781,0.067767143385031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409347149993915,0.0,0.15220671044171952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016250832652388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143719496363684,0.08849303634237965,0.0,0.0,0.08773772157684738,0.10392143933885438,0.0711614184521733,0.0,0.0,0.07070342348554681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862574726167195,0.1823404830604641,0.0,0.08220353994756815,0.0,0.08941982162786269,0.0,0.06291949678974196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073800228168737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842177431638761,0.0,0.0,0.08211092493969965,0.0,0.06992541192325236,0.0,0.0,0.17293965419096566,0.06412645938909423,0.0,0.0,0.1709501289640539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100264621575197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903447735845189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928074466252609,0.08345632003046388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05783142021979532,0.05833272580171319,0.0,0.15195973785823308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956618994069555,0.0,0.0,0.0533087527158508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509931064484192,0.0,0.13738302510837164,0.0,0.0,0.14873694674407395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426572447424901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507654505575355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331348315427433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646375348142014,0.06876095042009753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452955706107307,0.05040848826047109,0.0,0.0,0.09174608973587196,0.0,0.07456985605480634,0.0,0.0,0.21364676216183875,0.0,0.0,0.08189812879443288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244449603215715,0.06310423958634022,0.0,0.0707336780008908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050660829162236624 bpd,skorejen,2020/03/02,"Feel like they hate every random person on the street Like it's so hard for me to take a walk without having this emotional and thought roller-coaster when I see someone on the street. I've been diagnosed with an OCD a month ago but with some bpd traits coming with it and I simply wonder if you guys sometimes feel similar?",5.7779687499999985,6.328758359375001,5.584375000000001,83.52312500000002,66.96875,8.275,28.5,8.07648339933343,1.7737937500000005,261,8,50,3,4,81,52,64,0.061,0.858,0.08,0.046,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,1,0,2,3,1,0,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,15,10,6,0,1,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,4,5,2,8,8,1,9,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,4,5,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20667334261835146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936441709643622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20083801740537555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366422679022583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26226228649194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196438868976044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357752166908803,0.1665623542687168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308550832797272,0.0,0.0,0.2088565390715629,0.23018728350510906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278105547224374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860980471662791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20357752304203655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18579030561142912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975471763505348,0.0,0.23059123920188046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529972906324434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18509499875436225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22474820942994733,0.2528411500700357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,toucanv,2020/03/02,"Got ghosted after my first kiss Hey. I am 20, a university student, I am not diagnosed with anything except an unofficial diagnosis of recurrent depression and generalized anxiety disorder, though I’m pretty sure I have relationship obsessions and/or borderline traits, if not an OCD BPD comorbidity. I just got ghosted after my first kiss and I’m not really handling any of this well at all. I was terrified after she left that I had said or done something to scare her because I was really high and when I get high I get passionate and when I’m passionate I tend to say a lot of weird things, which I know I did. I was also twitching and stuff. But the whole time she was reciprocating and liking it, I do know that, I don’t know what happened after she left. I feel like I project something deep down that scares girls away, some desperation narrative. I don’t know. I’m a generally good looking charismatic person it’s just once a certain part of me is opened up I turn back into that insecure child that feels unloved and is just so idealistic and is so expressive about it and it weirds out almost every girl I meet who sees that part of me. Idk. I know she’s also going through stuff so like that’s also part of it I’m sure but idk I liked her and now I hate myself again, I just hate this so much, I feel so numb.",2.351609195402297,4.793015885057471,4.1393869731800805,82.60264367816093,79.80459770114942,7.851340996168583,24.60919540229885,8.735056554316923,2.013450574712644,1050,39,207,26,27,353,143,261,0.15,0.7340000000000001,0.11599999999999999,-0.8667,1,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,20,24,2,4,7,0,16,7,0,0,4,43,42,25,2,1,12,0,3,4,0,0,3,2,0,4,20,14,0,0,8,0,0,1,5,11,1,2,10,7,36,13,22,32,8,25,0,1,2,4,17,12,0,5,16,147,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385898206851707,0.0,0.0,0.248830668823336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053205952843873,0.0,0.0793442818428825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853513947748754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744683839105284,0.07975303712497768,0.0,0.06322576577902461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062967706143602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893324943800643,0.10527197912234224,0.0,0.0,0.11887025675862667,0.0,0.0,0.1061399197245284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738721402976071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573293979288169,0.07409643609562952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17644561327830424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837715233750732,0.0,0.05894554928374651,0.08699406177656664,0.16590613720359365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171782671617973,0.0,0.0,0.204800867724842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21916833990962092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850045639671476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253806609869954,0.0,0.0,0.20268625865684387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709732258282185,0.0,0.0,0.08817766326447979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624494812574767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104566967042056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.336950716144745,0.0,0.0,0.0905628945557232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551888658343628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288930860658635,0.0,0.0,0.11135473166275577,0.0,0.0,0.0986599369077398,0.08248102395847583,0.20768039756791964,0.0,0.08265012563832558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596949624201381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374654764517189,0.0,0.0,0.19550670378719406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890588736571325,0.0,0.10190278820641324,0.0,0.06047902529512274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281582111300388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325528561159628,0.0,0.0,0.11579787461782926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,brokenforyou,2020/03/02,"Tired To start with, I’m not suicidal currently. But DAMN, I feel like I just can’t keep fighting anymore. I’m so tired of this effing disorder. I’m so tired of MYSELF.",0.7084285714285734,2.993230628571432,2.9939285714285724,89.18232142857146,85.57142857142857,6.928571428571428,23.035714285714285,8.07648339933343,1.4834285714285715,132,5,28,3,4,45,25,35,0.41600000000000004,0.45299999999999996,0.131,-0.9219,1,0,0,0,2,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,7,3,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,4,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23587003963428385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725813962186497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025735207183967,0.16991054412193726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114001347896972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619496938414615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834199890531432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601546832178024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8200746962395516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,oopsiedoopsieouchie,2020/03/02,"would this count as trauma,,, hi! im not 18 yet but with some research ive found it is possible to get a diagnosis before 18, so i really am baby. i asked my therapist about it and she said ""we'll talk about it next session"" and judging from the amount of dbt shit shes giving me and how ive always felt like i probably had it im hopeful for a diagnosis. either that or im neurotypical and just batshit fucking crazy. anyway ive never felt like i had ""trauma."" ive always felt like my shit is baby shit. all my friends have been abused physically and shit or have awful parents. yet here i am, i just went thru my whole life with every person ive ever known just leaving me or treating me like shit. i havent been sexually or physically abused. my parents are loving. im assuming im just a dumb fuck. i think i was abused emotionally at one point by a friend but i couldnt tell you now because idk what the fuck is wrong w my memory but i literally cant fucking remember anything before like...yesterday other than small details. anyway if you have more questions go ahead. im a stupid idiot with no actual trauma i assume. sorry",0.841753246753246,3.2668304155844186,3.514080086580087,84.56254870129871,86.83549783549783,6.243722943722942,21.23701298701299,7.5804360353943165,1.1214129870129868,890,30,176,17,28,311,133,231,0.29,0.589,0.121,-0.9946,2,0,0,0,3,0,26.0,1,2,0,1,15,25,12,0,7,1,25,11,5,1,3,40,42,16,0,4,14,2,3,4,2,2,1,1,0,1,8,8,0,0,10,0,0,2,6,16,0,1,11,4,31,9,15,28,6,12,0,0,0,5,18,3,10,10,11,114,39,2,0.0,0.2882446600644927,0.07913474797752515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495119496258653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667323577113941,0.0,0.07581069956775552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04943333884198789,0.0,0.13800777850403936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912183387626956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335296248723709,0.06832407181414643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23358504014283385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891392682610122,0.12530399107421042,0.29987546612250443,0.042367572999859916,0.077791478127087,0.04608683303504135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805433185799224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5255639938089189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586542847293216,0.0,0.0,0.057278150882844776,0.1980889116040283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318930057386397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254366616295275,0.0,0.08624297432054318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05495049175889182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18008762630986494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080699138909424,0.0,0.0,0.0766587844389085,0.09141980081464716,0.0,0.0,0.08743161361465998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084234911793207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05195004077757035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918621868249216,0.0,0.07713769902503011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4162023011413395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907766046990288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517921625854342,0.0708785677191366,0.0,0.0,0.09415483986783853,0.0,0.0519609084365538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517371734772031,0.0,0.09053706985806463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05760590597154965,0.08866210429802356,0.0,0.0 bpd,SplitKonekoInHalf,2020/03/02,"Does anybody else have really good memory for odd specific situations I've always felt a bit odd that I find that quite often I remember specific conversations, promises or actions that will have happend in my life many years ago that nobody else involved seems to remember, and I know I'm not remembering incorrectly because it's very vivid. Only recently have I been reading that because of the intense emotions people with BPD where intensity may not be justified we actually have higher chances of remembering these kinds of things as emotions are tied strongly to memory. So if there's just one positive takeaway it's that as many people will forget these small scenarios that have happend in our past we'll get to cherish those additional nuances just a little more than most people, they might not all be good but some will be and some will be great for learning and allow us to become more self-aware. I've always tried to look for the positive side of BPD and maybe this is one :)",17.628571428571426,9.42569878021978,15.46314285714286,49.03185714285715,52.956043956043956,18.955604395604393,55.63076923076922,14.554592549557764,7.460036043956043,806,35,132,20,5,260,116,182,0.033,0.8029999999999999,0.163,0.9742,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,4,0,1,2,6,7,0,0,4,0,19,1,0,1,1,33,25,10,0,1,8,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,14,7,0,0,9,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,3,10,7,18,12,7,11,0,0,2,0,7,6,0,9,4,88,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.11078082550575873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063015753388001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18891833439830802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840357679477555,0.12537582361031502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393631915881816,0.0,0.2859532710768238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934362441496332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18966566480645236,0.2553933165305672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899865623366073,0.0,0.10375679779345366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059310414597301415,0.0,0.0,0.1904332697505564,0.0,0.12515809988086926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821540484496293,0.06238856986525401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018374987492304,0.0,0.11377858922406214,0.0,0.0,0.0953296557675706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301864174583757,0.1140478286604368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042860793900192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153850514333509,0.08633838548580933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083693294268862,0.23610500609976326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074432559947453,0.1135524431427148,0.0,0.07272492235688365,0.0,0.11208900565780727,0.0,0.5143919276583414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334591263395124,0.1184279147898518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760317252258088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754187881801546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707379785147908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365526546694636,0.0,0.0,0.0936673100622661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310426736784835 bpd,mangomadness17,2020/03/02,"I just want to say that I am so glad this community exists! I was diagnosed with BPD back in October of 2019 and for a couple years I was struggling with my mental health and finding the correct diagnosis and appropriate treatment. Things were getting worse and worse as time went on. It wasn't until I saw this one video on a whim that I realized I was really hurting myself by not being fully honest with myself and my doctors. That night it sort of clicked that I had BPD. A few visits to my psychiatrist later and I had my official diagnosis which has been great sort of? It's just nice to know what is going on in my head is a ""real"" thing and it is a blessing to be able to share this with my SO, who is so wonderful and compassionate. I do want to say that I've been sort of lurking through this sub and I feel so extremely thankful that this community exists! I don't feel like I'm alone on an alien planet anymore! My boyfriend has been an absolute rockstar with my diagnosis and helping me, but it's not really the same as feeling like you're understood by someone who is able to feel what you feel. So thank you to all of you on here! I really appreciate every single one of you for sharing your experiences and helping me feel less alone!",5.5926133333333325,5.755207968000004,6.769200000000001,76.21593333333334,67.32,10.026666666666667,31.86666666666667,9.888512548439397,2.9579066666666667,992,38,195,21,15,336,127,250,0.076,0.772,0.152,0.9625,0,2,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,5,0,0,9,14,0,1,9,0,22,4,1,0,2,41,40,20,0,2,5,0,6,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,23,16,0,0,11,1,0,3,4,2,0,2,13,10,30,12,34,25,5,16,1,1,2,0,15,7,0,4,8,148,53,1,0.2425199076748253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511774841738039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025729068512706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324141957071573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054453339046018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417183251991405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307630064299804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411470097678708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216674100694488,0.0,0.0,0.11861550281385548,0.0,0.0,0.3678760566848573,0.17325627050066406,0.0,0.0,0.11082940099810704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335332106002052,0.0,0.06891482620253439,0.0,0.0,0.13368952719099014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444769613471444,0.1288936605580919,0.0,0.0,0.1625559820141846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298112885409683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666412994072848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184829767362084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220151282259012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379425230186195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643377659050046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802037464934935,0.2330466944004644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19286156461935874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274316538301627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676723210951618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22327974740978784,0.0,0.0,0.16111945040264186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707076542293128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304452502075365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124091920587735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150124733335572,0.0,0.0,0.24714850497600285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808743460754032 bpd,rhybread27,2020/03/02,"I’m so tired of living But i’m going to do the opposite of what i’ve always done this time. TW suicide, self harm, ED. I have severe BPD mixed with bipolar, PTSD, and some other fun stuff. The bipolar makes Borderline even *more* fun by causing me to long term rapid cycle, meaning severe and debilitating depressive or manic episodes last weeks and are nearly impossible to climb out of. It’s so exhausting and it’s physically painful to be this way. I’m at the point in this extreme depressive episode where, in the past, i’ve attempted suicide in drastic ways. One time i was technically successful but thankfully i died as i was being brought into the ER. This time, though, i’m going to first hospitalize myself in order to get stable. Once i’m out, i’ll connect with a specialized therapist as well as one top notch psychiatrist i’ve seen once in the past. I’ll get on medications proven to help with BPD, and take them consistently. I’ll rejoin DBT and study my notes and coping skills. I don’t want to lose my partner because of my psychiatric disability, and i want to start living life again. I want to work again, move out and start university. I want to feel sane. Are there any cheerleaders out there that can keep me from second guessing my plans? btw i love you all, seeing your daily struggles has helped me stop hating myself and start accepting my diagnoses❤️",4.844619771863119,6.541745429657798,5.600857414448671,78.32881463878327,69.98859315589354,8.910190114068444,28.7393536121673,9.3871,2.5874062357414456,1100,41,203,24,20,358,160,263,0.14,0.723,0.138,-0.1698,0,0,0,0,0,2,31.0,0,2,1,9,10,16,1,1,7,0,12,8,0,2,1,35,40,19,3,4,3,0,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,2,10,18,0,2,3,0,0,5,1,8,2,4,5,3,22,8,36,33,4,40,0,3,2,1,8,16,0,3,16,117,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061851019606763,0.0,0.0,0.07405980957548157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638808231554008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743265707185499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187645402999016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18760114384644536,0.0,0.11302722637442572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144864187591202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193138105550996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05506614216350469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263538174829143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379777250389927,0.0,0.1237875707717354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997222911929065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752212090503044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599478252191986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680065023184103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877291953236087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692352337047416,0.0,0.0,0.19233197359282164,0.09637837645978344,0.0,0.12183794874713308,0.0,0.0,0.0982919103774438,0.0,0.07269559579011857,0.0,0.0,0.11863055292624615,0.0,0.10971133014462912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115749835051909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23196265581758124,0.14759503831329776,0.0,0.11588365466660093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079261859869383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295136462068773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730527750809364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678397606830117,0.0,0.11361270189114403,0.2460655457648555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23125266648822146,0.0,0.0,0.09105028637720093,0.0,0.11385218958672096,0.12467130610069825,0.2382509596920959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188375298559399,0.0,0.0,0.10026600608828012,0.0,0.12644825144287564,0.0,0.0,0.10699958487295642,0.0,0.190511880410704,0.12517141787955785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569423045844469,0.1728890156827919,0.0873578182284879,0.0,0.09791956651311537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928485974314288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Cyneval,2020/03/02,"Vent/Rant: Friend Constantly Jabbing At Triggers Constantly I've never posted on reddit before, trying it out? This is somewhere between a rant and a seeking advice. I have a friend, whom I'll call,, Kat. And she,, just- in the beginning I tried to be open with her about my bpd. But ever since its felt like she's using it as a weapon against me. So now I can't open my mouth without being prepared to be stabbed. Half of me thinks she's joking or just that dumb, but sometimes there's no fucking way it's accidental. A huge trigger for me is the insinuation that I'm violent/going to be violent/""a future murderer"". And she knows this- yet she constantly jabs at it in ways I can't tell if its joking. I.E., when ranting about work and she says ""Don't worry, WHEN you kill them I'll help hide the bodies"" or when mentioning the outrageous amounts of movies with someone with BPD being a violent stalker/murderer and she pipes in ""So, your role model?"" But it doesn't end there. Its everywhere. ""Yeah, you may be a bad person but at least you have friends!"" ""What will you do when everyone leaves?"" Then there's the constant changing and cancelling of plans she knows I hate. The constant need to invite her girlfriend everywhere we go (""But she's important to me!"" ""And I'm not?"" ""She's my girlfriend!"") I hate it, I hate that she does it and refuses to apologize, I hate that she makes it my fault, I hate how she victimizes herself to the friend group. I'm trying to get better but I can't do that when every goddamn things about Her. And why do I have to figure out why I'm like this and still treat Her like a princess. But what about me? I'm a fucking princess too.",1.7653188989593822,4.198661791540786,2.9686430010070493,90.15520686471972,82.14199395770393,6.0946962067808,23.695955018462573,7.3871296695380915,1.0844863376972145,1307,48,266,20,36,420,164,331,0.20600000000000002,0.677,0.11699999999999999,-0.9906,0,0,0,0,0,0,64.0,1,5,1,3,22,27,14,0,16,1,21,4,2,5,2,47,43,30,2,2,14,0,1,3,6,2,0,1,0,1,23,18,0,1,5,2,0,1,9,16,0,1,1,2,45,11,33,34,2,35,0,0,0,2,42,12,3,4,22,182,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161895905871516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828378009616624,0.0,0.0,0.07978091429940698,0.0,0.0,0.08292108436785127,0.0,0.10414369096620184,0.2361691328697457,0.0,0.09573711505566407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918323613110633,0.0,0.0,0.5065939374260605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204801276050573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304151132274096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848092256427501,0.07899492299749464,0.08958951954049428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002211455645602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289747928171241,0.1733550030479912,0.04898453909214631,0.0,0.10656934606311608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4628316898349196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284382351552033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372902602844568,0.0,0.1030535820805638,0.0,0.0,0.0992758881352525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374158585985606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258400626753767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695201615212193,0.07231173379073275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186562486616407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979397891449903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455990225452608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755735500681887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944061206179145,0.0,0.09272878264673184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487503645561877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194837998496789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228846321470791,0.060076161327018186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190966012772118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097656717366451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488410284485354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920351878218798,0.0,0.0,0.0903790965112338,0.0,0.06825673694746955,0.09521551596111384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TrippyHippie100,2020/03/02,Help? I literally can't remember for the life of me if I took my pills today. When this happens are you suppose to take them anyway or no?,0.9440229885057472,3.0358190344827563,3.642068965517243,86.16816091954023,82.79310344827587,6.625287356321839,23.459770114942533,7.793537801064563,1.2712666666666659,108,4,23,2,3,38,28,29,0.075,0.82,0.105,0.2168,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,5,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,3,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700146452512072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804635795353416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955481879869852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4739975443019934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146059067512135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3966209757799006,0.0,0.4648890883165382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_mo0nchild,2020/03/02,"MEDICATION let's say i hypothetically havent taken my meds since months, hypothetically obviously... how dangerous is that ???",8.605263157894736,12.650261368421054,11.715,27.99250000000001,66.89473684210526,14.326315789473682,35.8157894736842,12.161744961471696,6.9812947368421066,102,5,13,5,2,38,18,19,0.185,0.815,0.0,-0.5632,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4463658891058051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4848694629816809,0.43974266965619657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484218951585709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34713403597200304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610894978231568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Abandonthrw,2020/03/02,DAE just want a relationship to experience one I just want to rot alone. I also need a relationship now. Not for any of the usual reasons. I don't feel any sort of attraction or love.,1.5258108108108104,3.884315567567569,4.282364864864864,80.83543918918923,82.51351351351352,8.024324324324324,22.763513513513516,8.841846274778883,1.864843243243244,144,5,30,4,4,51,28,37,0.053,0.693,0.253,0.7584,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,10,6,2,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,5,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,19,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685785944953942,0.0,0.2073790996595703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35269466753378986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536659297778914,0.0,0.0,0.1311206092349678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340475411059561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922834115000926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17572278157996815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26662542168241216,0.0,0.5568279208729834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856057060935333,0.0,0.3059087689066206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SageDoesReddit,2020/03/02,"Is it weird that I’ve never self harmed but since I’ve gotten sober I think about it all the time so I’m 20 and in college, and ever since I stopped using drugs a few months back to try and get myself together there have been multiple days where i just feel this buzzing in my head and i’m so upset and i just have this weird thought pattern where i feel like i need to do it. I don’t understand because i’ve never done it and don’t even know what it’s like, why do i keep thinking about it? has anyone else been through something like this or have anything to give me some clarity about what’s going on?",1.959217758985201,3.554764992248064,2.8875123326286136,95.24809725158563,77.37209302325581,5.931219168428471,22.579985905567302,6.574015621080383,0.3050248062015504,480,14,110,4,11,152,79,129,0.081,0.799,0.121,0.7301,0,0,2,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,13,7,0,1,2,0,12,2,1,1,4,26,28,10,0,1,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,12,6,0,2,7,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,5,2,11,3,10,23,3,14,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,11,70,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834082673782082,0.18806631986610295,0.1510441262975191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113685949584345,0.0,0.1118889805699522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837308861957235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18783303403964333,0.0,0.0,0.2128570714054064,0.0,0.1533305596269625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123153157273585,0.16602941227007872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856144746374869,0.13112652091209667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958961029788035,0.17607568876728294,0.10431439362150532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18837290428236872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314563842151994,0.0,0.0,0.10087302139295598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690164196972314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650603121327654,0.0,0.0,0.13609830146203772,0.28312661907984465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914802921099344,0.0,0.0,0.30366512537789586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130399471787727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345410453229089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352199228556433,0.0,0.1457163794991271,0.10702814592687138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246168469048134,0.0,0.0,0.1910796395788205,0.0,0.158526289487957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656232595246989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pexicanmizza,2020/03/02,PLEASE help me stop being a coward I need to kill myself there is no other option I have thought carefully about it. But I am too much of a coward. I need someone evil who will get off on it to goad or manipulate me into killing myself. I need someone to abuse me. Please get in touch and cause me more pain,2.6325000000000003,3.9371310000000013,3.9676250000000017,89.41487500000002,74.9375,6.370000000000001,22.175,6.742157984588678,0.4289099999999997,240,6,52,2,5,79,46,64,0.3720000000000001,0.516,0.11199999999999999,-0.9755,0,0,0,0,1,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,3,0,2,0,5,1,0,2,0,12,12,3,2,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,11,1,9,9,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,1,39,15,0,0.0,0.23427749283775198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20159872016132896,0.2031229829247496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20661133034291349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253412424634506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4375174791906533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453541620574146,0.4398424479568985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21039845973122884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4340959103281224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350716541492085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531097562434394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697538317965934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,weakbrainedwaste,2020/03/02,"My FP told me she hates being around me. WTF do I do? I’ve had this suspicion for a while, but it’s only recently been confirmed, and it’s been taking a deep toll on my mental health. Also, she’s made it clear to me that she doesn’t hate me as a person, she just hates being around me, and that it isn’t my fault. So I’ve known my best friend and favorite person for about half a year, and she’s been my FP for about that long as well. She has fairly severe schizophrenia, and recently her condition has been getting a lot worse. She told me a lot of what she was going through, and about a month ago it seemed like she was in such a dangerous position that I had to go behind her back to contact her parents to watch over her more and take her to a psychiatrist. Although she’s said she knows my heart was in the right place, she’s stopped talking about her problems with me, and has been a lot more distant in general. She’s been avoiding me and not hanging out much with me and our group of friends, and when she does she seems very uncomfortable. I understand why she’s feeling this way, but I can’t help but feel absolutely god awful whenever she sees me and turns the corner. One of the things she’s said is that she doesn’t want to make me worry about her problems and put me in such a difficult spot again. Today she was in a pretty bad spot, and she mentioned she wished she could talk with me again. I said that I’d be there for her and that I wouldn’t worry too much (a lie, but whatever). She responded that it wasn’t that, I just make her feel so on edge that she can barely talk to me anymore. She said when I’m around she starts sweating and getting anxious and her voices get really loud. Then she said that she hates being around me because when she does she just feels awful, and she only talks with me when she’s too week to say no. How do I deal with this? I feel so confused and fucking terrible. She’s said it isn’t my fault, and logically I know it, but deep down I feel like it is. I also feel absolutely terrible whenever she distances herself from me. What do I do?",5.430094303310241,4.829359787528869,5.83516454965358,85.36150740954584,67.75288683602771,9.156620477290225,28.89617013086989,8.472884824447931,1.7389338722093919,1640,47,364,21,24,528,180,433,0.201,0.7070000000000001,0.092,-0.9952,1,2,0,0,0,0,41.0,1,0,0,1,31,22,6,2,16,2,35,4,2,4,1,71,76,40,0,6,9,1,7,2,2,1,1,9,0,2,26,30,0,2,14,0,0,4,9,16,1,2,22,18,84,6,44,48,8,43,0,0,2,1,71,19,1,6,21,267,110,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807318029167693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282414681910575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675527578453443,0.07615893762830238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734514950555427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05904978747653389,0.06411971899308871,0.04681286339530806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059048560213587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613136996669547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917116380381188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344057610831346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718052081980901,0.05486159476734439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866159062801485,0.07099474544936793,0.12036496747101535,0.0,0.08728751363884214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032724056692789,0.0,0.08162835034118521,0.0,0.09100116988338408,0.05147334862108634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440786477249525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503526467177006,0.0,0.0,0.06796020632181013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586234444409034,0.0,0.0726642678439545,0.10252108138893357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739021343419353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06129617761141413,0.0,0.11290474056629253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05203755045631385,0.11681047958787168,0.0,0.0,0.08527056483658282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410698500158716,0.08023330599843108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812702878948999,0.0,0.14696282835905786,0.0,0.07719910440960523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049196154240656736,0.0,0.15164947124900938,0.0,0.0,0.06558159164169851,0.4382916450733404,0.06106961077811444,0.0,0.0,0.06119481501631047,0.13982060876274185,0.0,0.08675527578453443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05435513477986492,0.0,0.0,0.0642031592059086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547894769999957,0.2468961893654469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0510184709135425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279166083017809,0.14675977094120024,0.0,0.0,0.08352973756064226,0.0,0.07994518333854765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336302994615015,0.04529504613425096,0.060955442538918665,0.0615994538267465,0.0,0.06904696040351292,0.0,0.06929457202774382,0.0,0.08830922289357121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559759153098832,0.07825956941221644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049452769374300494 bpd,anarcheologie,2020/03/02,"Trying to maintain a healthy relationship while struggling with identity crisis Hey all, first time poster here. I'm just looking for some advice because this is a brand new situation for me and I'm trying my best not to fuck it up. I've been in my current relationship for \~1 year and needless to say it's been turbulent. He (I'll refer to him as R) is an independent person (not emotionally avoidant by any means, just needs his space) and at first this was very hard for me to cope with. I *did,* by some miracle, manage to find the strength in me to respect his boundaries and save our relationship from becoming unhealthy. This is my first relatively healthy relationship and so I place a lot of value on it. I've been trying -- and, of course, struggling *hard* \-- to find my own independence outside of this relationship. Of course, R is my FP and in the past year I have been shaping my identity and sense of self around him. Everything down to the way I dress and think have been influenced by him. I want so badly to be my own individual, I want to be *myself*, but the more I try to ""find myself"" by trying to create a sense of independence, the more I am starting to learn that I don't have a clue who or what that means for me. I love R so much, and I want this relationship to succeed. I know that in order for that to happen, I have to respect his independence. But in doing that I've successfully plunged myself into this crippling identity crisis. I feel so lost in my own head, like I don't even know what I want to do with my free time because I don't even feel like myself. I'm learning that I don't even know who ""myself"" really is without depending on someone else to shape that identity for me... I'm starting to feel myself slipping back into my old habits -- craving his attention, getting mad about slow responses, I'm starting to get more reactive to little things again. I don't want this relationship to fall back down to where it used to be, but at the same time I'm trying my hardest to battle this BPD monster and it feels like I'm failing. I just want to know what I can do to make this better. Has anyone else gone through anything like this before?",4.773614661200868,5.6774096200466255,5.7201028856201255,80.40041958041961,69.34965034965036,8.714444176513142,29.711518366690782,8.939507131559953,2.2948637730086,1713,64,340,30,29,565,185,429,0.07400000000000001,0.772,0.154,0.9839,1,1,0,0,0,0,60.0,1,0,0,10,17,23,3,3,12,0,30,3,1,8,1,67,68,21,0,7,10,0,6,4,0,0,0,1,0,2,28,17,0,1,18,0,1,2,8,9,0,3,9,8,51,15,69,56,13,46,0,2,1,2,23,22,1,5,24,239,79,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725032222445231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05045565014270916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05187938928238089,0.07602230768833823,0.06105677535499995,0.0660499424955879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410389448145587,0.06195034701077853,0.09045807366124288,0.08194336989063257,0.063135113296956,0.0,0.07786385572521938,0.06562010603969289,0.0,0.0,0.09344694211586696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396204690223225,0.08346022543032727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470167672975052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668235046166743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500623898244697,0.10601090855585417,0.0,0.0,0.20344069730738065,0.18933258561370148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859276967518052,0.07752842775843734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561105130887739,0.0,0.13292962603714892,0.0,0.07614623872948582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310416187752094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499317082044014,0.07436362732419656,0.0,0.0,0.06230573821304119,0.0,0.0809934191151171,0.06307856821167028,0.0669645556785862,0.0,0.04952623520269391,0.0,0.0,0.1616418327023195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05454240884927818,0.05501520398215701,0.0,0.07165871181610607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785595217132071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082823299033991,0.0,0.0647848617233732,0.07751876063213156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04753169344258938,0.0,0.0,0.5576092338792566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05900343356035542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740234239388669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339912484033157,0.0,0.0,0.06286581304493792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754838827942572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551310023262812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049292355404644585,0.04754163680793632,0.0,0.0,0.12979240482970986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022442386906873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408130049401903,0.0,0.06121925913682586,0.2625754326392346,0.05889312799216431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152204945281859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955592529565557 bpd,all-is-full-of-love,2020/03/02,"confused about my gender and I feel like my BPD is making me into a fraud. I really wonder if my BPD affects how I feel about my gender identity. I've felt like I was male since I began puberty but I also feel like i'm not really trans/I don't actually have dysphoria because I have subconscious thoughts of me reffering myself as female. I know that BPD affects how you see yourself and how you see others, I'm afraid that my gender dysphoria is apart of my fluctuating perspectives and moods. I just feel so alone in this. I only know one other trans person IRL but we don't talk much anymore, I don't know anybody with BPD IRL, I only have my psychiatrist to talk to but I'm not sure he'd be much help in this department. I feel like a fraud most of the time because of this. I don't know who I like, what I am or what to do about it most of the time. I keep having mood swings over it and I have to pretend I'm ok all of the time for my family. I've caused enough stress and they don't handle my moods swings or meltdowns well. plus, my parents are transphobes. idk what to do. I wish I could figure everything out right now because I feel like i'm running out of time.",1.8329822616407967,3.6145712560975625,3.7367627494456777,88.18789356984482,78.3089430894309,7.074353288987436,22.15742793791574,8.00094639256281,1.0314292682926829,923,27,199,16,22,312,119,246,0.091,0.789,0.12,0.7925,1,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,2,1,0,11,15,0,3,5,1,20,0,0,7,2,49,44,18,0,3,9,1,7,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,13,11,0,1,14,1,0,2,7,3,1,1,4,9,39,9,25,37,6,16,0,0,2,0,12,8,0,7,12,129,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.09912517458431366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520385463044647,0.0,0.0812316435528612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073777567367577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18576245460676435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5117341884579522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434827049496433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110152156951105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495690921226863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129147975666094,0.0,0.09575840778674248,0.0,0.3081643987063389,0.2902684936991045,0.0975305137806141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808538574777763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902869198175772,0.0,0.0,0.22329777203682152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977543763941874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678038981398752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934258252356433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883167291618876,0.15450882398712104,0.0,0.0,0.11279000600033424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869372257592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014654101637846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674679391363903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188853835099334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402611645538217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635690293274828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573577253962744,0.0,0.0,0.16328860218855554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806413410694646,0.2369230761672325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913305440528281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680933272975735,0.0,0.11015667390479884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,onlyalilbent,2020/03/02,"chronic boredom? Does anyone else feel so bored that it upsets them just because you can't bring yourself to do anything? I have multiple things I love to do, but lately I have no motivation to do them, yet cry about how bored and empty I feel... anyone ever go through this?",4.390471698113212,5.929360075471699,4.9397641509434,83.24662735849058,70.88679245283019,6.809433962264151,28.34433962264151,7.1686216300943375,1.5604,216,8,40,2,4,69,41,53,0.294,0.616,0.09,-0.8973,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,2,1,6,4,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,2,1,8,11,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,2,7,1,5,11,0,5,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,30,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4138787028908045,0.30324194764085977,0.24354661201847236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18041206108429866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32509382384372804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589931337231819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24723330348170205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677091909826884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992885426772871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681986434959851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33385131528087897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671118899748195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19662004892023066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Boomskittle92,2020/03/02,"What was the ""a hah"" moment you realized something was off? I'm interested. I do not have bpd, but I love someone who does. They started realizing something was off when I was drunk one night and said a bunch of nonsense. Nothing mean or hurtful (something about squirrels being mouse people?) They had very drunk abusive parents, and I think that triggered it. They looked into help and a diagnosis. We are not talking currently but I really miss them.",3.7461653116531153,6.6940861097561,4.368211382113824,79.97258807588078,78.14634146341464,6.571273712737128,31.062330623306238,7.793537801064563,2.55849972899729,359,18,59,6,9,114,62,82,0.18899999999999997,0.66,0.151,-0.5863,2,0,3,0,0,0,14.0,1,1,4,0,2,4,0,0,4,1,9,3,0,1,0,15,17,7,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,5,2,0,4,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,6,2,11,2,5,10,1,8,0,2,1,1,12,3,0,1,5,44,15,0,0.0,0.2547172650155424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707609735430728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18813127306150926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14409719534022236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23014154718245494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18052984885225484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19402869561993574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23417727213320536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017450529886389,0.0,0.20628001409499108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456766515877762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23871089733211245,0.0,0.0,0.1490407181313906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772229780091605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20449610814144736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821526564402581,0.4965085017526149,0.0,0.0,0.1521646188550033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279353967061994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775110853801106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738179364842072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LucidPisces,2020/03/02,"My ex-BF/FP told me he is married. I dumped him, but now I want him back. Look. I know this makes no logical sense. My ex-BF told me he is married only for paper reasons. He didn’t tell me this until months into our relationship. After I fell in love with him. I told him I wish he would’ve told me this before . I ended dumping him telling him i can’t wait 4-5 years for him to finish what he needs to. I have goals and dreams too. Logically I know it makes no sense to be with someone who lies to me, wasn’t honest, and started displaying toxic signs . Ever since I broke up with him, I haven’t been able to eat properly , sleep, I work from home more . I cry I keep checking his WhatsApp to see when he is online . I can’t delete our text thread . He waited 5 days to remove me as a contact on WhatsApp. Was he waiting to see if I would reach out ? What do I truly want from him that I can’t get from a single emotionally available man ? I feel like I am unraveling because this is the first relationship I truly was vulnerable with. Before when I was younger , my BPD use to flare up. At 30, I did therapy , healed , and I am so shocked at how I fell for this . There’s so much about my ex I didn’t like but I looked past it because of the feeling he made me feel. I feel STUPID. I want to call him or text him and say I want him back. But what do I really want ? Smh.",0.41208549834671615,2.2429412808219205,2.601965044874824,94.34171232876713,83.10958904109589,5.534435521965045,19.65800661313179,6.647476241863616,0.003907746811525392,1042,28,248,11,29,353,150,292,0.127,0.731,0.142,-0.1614,0,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,2,0,0,3,12,9,3,0,4,0,23,4,1,6,1,43,55,16,0,9,5,1,4,2,0,1,1,1,1,1,12,10,1,4,9,1,1,3,9,5,0,1,13,9,58,4,33,40,3,27,0,1,4,1,39,8,0,2,18,156,70,3,0.11190315303019524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17209323462162182,0.0,0.1364302468793841,0.0,0.1904426823440548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093810388595085,0.0,0.11426563076638985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229203590364138,0.07216827618760369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450486220266985,0.0,0.125875985406344,0.09911297896923538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122280849222844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263263859424252,0.07994363488407871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518476480173188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058464778825960975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224798651468447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994646640525389,0.0,0.0,0.12299809277023835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934045624792474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18794093003219706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099696460054212,0.10588546910221708,0.14939244717975864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932002913034767,0.0,0.08226169321900509,0.08297477005218629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510739042866296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682422167301593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168802527514018,0.11505507875885955,0.0,0.2402842155369733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898987875329495,0.0,0.0,0.1783446496300045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925674445618536,0.0,0.11198396814901668,0.0,0.09481517842302724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920562767713996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19561657615903186,0.0,0.12797100794651808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4277130328984877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664839513929233,0.0,0.0,0.330016894839652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868310339572206,0.0,0.0,0.08146682816610235,0.0,0.0,0.15898557850868114,0.0,0.0,0.0720619616624571 bpd,borderflip,2020/03/02,"This situation is a massive hazard for my bpd TW: potential divorce, trust issues, lies Hi people of reddit, I am looking for help, me and my husband have been married for 2 years, I have been asking my husband to sort out the banking for the majority of this time. It has been a long drawn out process with countless issues and problems arising. This is all back story context so let's get to the point here.. My husband received a letter at home which I opened (he is fine with this) it was a letter from the bank stating that we had gone into unplanned overdraft, I was under the impression that we had a large amount of money in the account (10,000) I called him at work to let him know this, I then called the bank (they couldn't give me much information as I'm not the account holder) I did find out that it was not sent in error, so at this point I make plans for him to go to the bank in person to get statements to check for fraud he is also saying things along these lines, so the day arrives and I decided to accompany him to the bank so I know first hand what is going on, when I informed him that the plan is now me coming with him he tries to get me not to, but I stand fast. we are just about to walk into the bank when he stops me telling me he loves me and that he really needs me to know that, he then tells me that he is a compulsive habitual liar who has not been saving any money and he has spent it. This is a very very condensed version of events because this is only 2 days after I have found out and I am a mess. I just want to have a idea of what to do. He has left the marital home for the time being and I have made a marriage counselling appointment for Tuesday but I don't know if this is beyond repair. Thanks for taking the time to read the ramble I hope it gives you a rough picture.",3.2706225374310454,4.217846148936174,4.34004728132388,88.75018518518522,72.88297872340425,6.846966115051223,24.830181245074854,6.937597516519254,0.8153297084318356,1416,41,307,12,27,462,185,376,0.043,0.889,0.068,0.7998,0,0,0,0,1,0,30.0,3,1,1,4,14,10,1,0,28,0,38,2,1,2,1,53,65,20,0,6,9,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,27,22,0,1,11,1,12,7,6,3,0,1,15,4,42,7,53,46,5,47,0,0,1,1,45,19,0,3,19,219,69,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955288440560682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123411170544967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111675145796555,0.0,0.0,0.09185421735837863,0.0,0.07281921092754988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150450530572936,0.0,0.24395566991544065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029006847935097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15407835274618725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918053302758064,0.10160913175381668,0.0,0.1309772340614618,0.0,0.0,0.18723233997769148,0.22918597799793824,0.13577908732763608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006877508718836,0.0,0.2396480250726783,0.1186466672466496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348511765022216,0.0,0.24936185836600924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625993653457433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978919028646538,0.2443035124590401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057147168511744,0.1003128744466304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781361811638708,0.1130320656171449,0.0797377441659498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781383493453622,0.08857503992405556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085159862823118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281568361354713,0.1043042886014437,0.0,0.0,0.22584888353788465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430316819564758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948823144663258,0.0,0.07652651157488731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499613025082768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427344220625814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998704854465004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981597407584123,0.0,0.20881945237324293,0.1099789479006594,0.0,0.0,0.07936119530399582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089670965022565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110271819139941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197127264089546,0.07045818775430235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696532154003311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692568629287473 bpd,Kryis451,2020/03/02,"How it felt finding out I have BPD Sorry if I’m doing this wrong, I don’t really post on reddit, more just browse. I just wanted to see if there were other people who encountered this same feeling. For some context I’m 22 Male. After years of depressive symptoms, on and off social anxiety, multiple suicide attempts, and unstable relationships (family, friends, and relationships) last October, after my last friend stopped talking to me, I finally tried to get some medical help. I was immediately put on Trintellix (an anti-Depressant). The week after I was an emotional wreck, I threw up multiple times and could flip emotions on a dime without fully realizing it. A week after, when I was certain it was the medication, I realized it was just my emotions and anxiety causing me to feel sick. Then in November everything went back to normal. Or rather it felt like nothing changed since before I had sought professional help. I didn’t just get a prescription though, I vocally expressed that I thought I may had been suffering from Bi-Polar disorder. I’ve always found psychology and the human brain rather interesting, so from a young age I’ve read books like the DSM-4/5. From reading I felt like it may have been Bi-Polar disorder. So, my Doctor put in a referral for a Psychological consultation. I didn’t really know what it was, so I looked it up before the date came. I found out it’s basically a therapy session with a licensed psychologist. After the referral was put in and I started taking the medication, December became one of the worst months of my life. My referral was set for February 5, 2020. So internally I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I felt like I was thrown medication and told to wait. I didn’t feel like I could wait though. My thoughts felt like they were racing and if I didn’t get more help soon, I was doomed. Thankfully I made it through December, and after two months of the anti-depressant whether through what I now know about myself, or it just being a new year feeling that everyone gets. I started to feel better. I was taking care of myself, reaching out to old friends and working on projects again. However, it was short lived, while I felt great through January, the last couple days in the month I remembered about my consultation. I started to get nervous again, but I knew I had to do it. Finally, on February 5, 2020, I had my consultation. It was a day full of fears. Firstly, I had to get there on my own (I don’t drive, it gives me panic attacks) so I had to take a taxi (which I also don’t do), then when I got there I had to fill out 5 different forms and be honest with the information I put down if I wanted real help. Finally, the consultation. It’s hard to talk to someone you don’t know. Even harder when it’s about something so personal. In the end, it went well. About as well as something like this could be. I got what I wanted when I initially sought help in October. I got my diagnosis. Borderline Personality Disorder. Which leads me to my main question. Did anyone else feel like they put the last puzzle piece in, and finally got to see the clear picture? After the consultation I researched through the DSM-5 to better understand. As I kept reading it made more sense. Not like “oh I may have that”. I was reading parts of it and reflecting on past events, and with the new knowledge I was able to see where my BPD applied. It made perfect sense. But then I looked into just how severe the disorder is. I learned about the high suicide rate and thought about all the times in the past I’ve tried. I read about the abnormally low number of males suffering from BPD. Which is presumed to be due to the fact males are less likely to reach out for help, and I thought about the amount of times I refused to get help because “I could beat this”. When I now know, not only can I not beat it. I’ll be living with it for the rest of my life. Even with the 10 year recovery process, it’s still a permanent thing I have looming over me for the rest of my life. I ended up not being able to do my job correctly after I got my diagnosis, I didn’t go to work for 5 days straight. Then when I came back I was perfectly fine. The week after that, I almost got fired for something I said. Worst part, I didn’t fully realize exactly what I said until it was told to me. Then I felt guilt, shame, pure disgust with myself. Now I’m here. I’ve been on anti-depressant (about 4 months), and a mood stabilizer (about 1 month) I feel lost now. This new information is supposed to be a good thing. I have some family and a few close co-workers who keep telling me I’m doing well and working hard. I don’t feel that though. I feel lost, scared, raw, exposed. I just feel more confused, I constantly question my own mind now, wondering if I’m in control of my emotions. If it’s okay to call into work and take the day because I physically can’t get out of bed. Even when I do, I just sit around, watching YouTube, reading reddit. My projects, my work, it’s all open on my computer just waiting to be worked on and every time I go to do anything I just shrivel up, then I just sit there somber (I don’t cry anymore, haven’t been able too in over a year), staring off (which I now know as dissociating) then I get angry at myself, usually punch something. Then go to bed and repeat. I just want to know if there’s others out there who maybe feel even a little like me when they found out. ***TLDR: I completely stopped functioning after finding out I have BPD, how did you feel after you found out?***",3.328934397640186,5.315577698795185,4.584328978444795,82.85992934517226,74.60704355885079,8.088496915702512,27.728193169701136,8.841846274778883,2.2421640925986823,4343,174,852,93,93,1431,386,1079,0.11599999999999999,0.782,0.10300000000000001,-0.9641,3,0,4,0,0,2,161.0,0,3,3,18,75,50,2,7,50,1,80,11,1,9,10,178,178,70,2,19,31,0,22,11,3,3,10,2,2,6,53,46,0,10,51,7,1,16,20,19,3,3,75,31,129,30,139,87,25,165,1,7,7,0,48,53,0,21,103,589,182,28,0.11086023482002427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037003503814837566,0.0,0.0,0.02955162991095792,0.030748198732836438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056538517466341476,0.0,0.03664785463591312,0.02583868460500318,0.03786313714318519,0.030409509117567107,0.03289637090816135,0.0,0.04203984047030344,0.0,0.056829785055125766,0.0,0.04505291345252578,0.0,0.06288926305981843,0.0,0.0,0.06536457915792472,0.0,0.0,0.18616611321243096,0.04125222858002229,0.037733564889519684,0.0845297167537136,0.037676465948785716,0.03796133300576436,0.0390918096323421,0.0,0.03874494900152122,0.039933510006833234,0.0414463933292532,0.11801716896584173,0.04088824707766362,0.040591587451402455,0.09532757362735236,0.0,0.12731167707385804,0.0,0.0,0.03860844999624217,0.1694072447787613,0.03782338262955448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030869833639167264,0.16627045705714014,0.06545950865969917,0.0,0.0,0.0976295194011338,0.0,0.031134843066197286,0.03531056839384185,0.03321134358234374,0.0,0.06967277538672258,0.04158286171747619,0.22421706280943127,0.052799049270898436,0.24836749147840426,0.1619226245864914,0.06754949748200641,0.03143255303497848,0.0,0.16207003386216992,0.08565034242124812,0.0,0.1737596913180251,0.03544907964447304,0.06300442622333377,0.03099476841294023,0.1773301141215142,0.04074126675336205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620599681965418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733836499882791,0.03904330824553532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03667055901467333,0.03284589014271391,0.0,0.0,0.12185177162295338,0.12048785026234432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830386238002733,0.1985892735431236,0.03703702643944714,0.06526107893315773,0.0,0.062063117590145364,0.0,0.08067802803943508,0.0,0.0,0.10489863467504597,0.0,0.0,0.037124668835011684,0.0,0.0,0.14890669799059547,0.0,0.0,0.03731241148923755,0.0,0.14747930294168218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706950560302776,0.0,0.0,0.03620649742235323,0.035457795075626825,0.0,0.0387763892482862,0.0,0.0250405880664921,0.02810473471137783,0.0,0.043356866463112834,0.0,0.08003388737271204,0.07055242548850166,0.025618842739624528,0.06453258731083351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03539115345274814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18574192632740352,0.08279255637003506,0.0,0.22178047034799026,0.042061072539772384,0.047346603442838434,0.0,0.0,0.07934826927467171,0.041861011713289695,0.0,0.0703023133681154,0.0,0.03699681159305832,0.0,0.08834125402857182,0.0,0.0,0.04174683674511548,0.0,0.03056824394706025,0.0,0.0,0.037669349480148176,0.0313105057359823,0.11379416654065605,0.0,0.04136631887330378,0.07846744480011038,0.0,0.02951104224375822,0.09268412030225584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808420690325967,0.0,0.0,0.038408743867930806,0.11113746647760672,0.059403504958184014,0.03229891053178188,0.03402173655999932,0.0422594466939881,0.0,0.04910040932848407,0.023678254044194512,0.10891961784251783,0.1173475243182722,0.08619132591726493,0.0,0.0,0.0706211367876837,0.0,0.05017788159057505,0.0,0.0360981135990054,0.03846980471460425,0.0,0.0,0.040698962146084386,0.0,0.08718431838198998,0.0,0.08892539338634292,0.0,0.09967666488217512,0.06851236555955208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03562177010326612,0.040074398560436736,0.1883176663386712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04040275454815948,0.0,0.09518714203803154 bpd,mustardgas97,2020/03/02,"Anybody else feel really angry about why they are like this? I just need to rant. I am pretty much recovered but I had a reminder about who I used to be prior to that. I just feel so annoyed that I have had to go through all of that because of what happened to me (addicted parents, domestic violence, emotional physical and sexual abuse, foster care etc) and then have hurt other people as a result of it all messing me up. I almost resent taking the blame for my actions. I know that's wrong but I can't stop feeling that way and it just makes me hate myself being so reluctant to take blame. It is me but it's not me. Ever think how different you'd be without what got you here? Maybe I'm not as recovered as I thought.",1.98714285714286,4.0607850952380975,3.9172448979591854,85.67954081632655,79.0,7.1931972789115655,24.785714285714285,8.192908349453996,1.6677428571428576,567,21,113,11,14,192,97,147,0.27399999999999997,0.654,0.07200000000000001,-0.9895,2,0,0,0,2,0,14.0,0,2,1,0,10,8,3,0,3,0,12,1,0,4,3,28,29,13,0,1,9,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,14,3,0,1,6,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,4,3,20,2,18,21,4,8,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,5,87,34,0,0.0,0.2133199703018953,0.0,0.1962720248762108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802857525703836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975174740101333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18356450923562584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881052534370413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040173539264187,0.20252267616849565,0.0,0.0,0.2007940840217267,0.0,0.16285802251287926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27310347494384124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232184546430548,0.0,0.1439957922082409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921027805508314,0.0,0.0,0.1777539016340559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19273836034317465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894620817083248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795927889394697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017923079027795,0.0,0.18087608387945647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235136315385748,0.13349863702109613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19991499801365187,0.0,0.0,0.12481824333196027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831671320014834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533932132557853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052292042063312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27073789934788456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536344966874798,0.0,0.14293299656063913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554982196787889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290871882276066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624596278426437,0.0,0.0,0.1735537710994116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968473322439992,0.0,0.0 bpd,minininjatriforceman,2020/03/02,"I am almost 100% certain that my wife has borderline personality disorder and is projecting hardcore onto me and my parents with her councilor My wife did not have an easy life. She was starved and neglected by her grandma and Aunt. She was beaten and sexually assulted by her step dad. I won't go into details in order not to trigger people. Despite that my wife is an amazing person is a big giant goofball that says the darnedest things. She loves eating food from her country and works hard at home so I can focus on work and providing for our family. However she constantly verbally abuses me. She scratches me to the point of leaving scars. She constantly tries to isolate me from my family because she sees me caring about than her. Anytime that I spend with my parents she grills me about what I said to my parents. She splits hard core with my parents. To her my parents are the devil. She ocassionally searches my phone. I can't trust her because I am afraid if I say anything to her and be more open she will throw rage fit after rage fit. I kinda feel alone if it weren't for my parents. Pretty soon in a couple of weeks I am going to be meeting with my wife's councilor hopefully so I can express my point of view and maybe I can kill some of the effects of my wifes splitting and projection. How should I go about this? I know I will probably bring about my wife's wrath when I start painting my view of the picture. But I just want the councilor to see what's going on more fully and help my wife. I am willing to endure a couple days of yelling and anger. So what's the best way to go about this. TLDR: Pretty sure my wife has BPD or some BPD traits. I am going to be talking to my wife's councilor about this possibility what's the best way to go about doing this?",3.0664570803717868,5.061184508474575,4.163548387096778,85.55113449972664,75.38418079096044,6.714634590851103,26.95607800255149,7.601502580125103,1.5569714962638963,1412,55,274,19,31,459,175,354,0.125,0.764,0.111,-0.6703,7,1,0,0,2,0,25.0,1,0,0,6,14,17,5,1,13,0,29,4,0,3,2,40,47,21,1,5,7,17,4,0,0,5,1,4,1,2,14,18,2,1,3,0,1,10,5,8,0,0,5,12,64,9,46,34,6,35,1,1,4,1,48,14,0,8,8,197,78,5,0.0,0.10231365150413027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646960541735177,0.08943519943247176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106079109397798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527942620341574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124334779525333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175160281052376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804218001662481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18663285890435866,0.0,0.0,0.19109490867159826,0.0,0.05569025110566338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896750375424224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836021678430236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628109982818968,0.0,0.04366244398094669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441784645913356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435330098862753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15470984720539965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057880294160124926,0.0,0.08661864859925318,0.08576756661853019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955363025928385,0.0,0.04745710327129055,0.0,0.0,0.0914348823294778,0.0,0.0,0.060993359948980475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793654797701974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675274323957714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5753057271179249,0.0,0.0,0.059865985503141865,0.15079943210921232,0.0,0.0,0.16326214308479178,0.09734952563250301,0.0,0.17570317569507268,0.0931026542918014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214104976770345,0.13734202770066448,0.0,0.0,0.1376236048014755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061120779480101785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138625661559562,0.0,0.0,0.06940690886794093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057368797313216174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058627713250168474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05093297142072637,0.1370852699242455,0.06926680705856658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573136998750908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ImAPieGuy,2020/03/02,"Clinging to safety in relationships like hiding under the covers for hours in the morning I have feelings for a friend. Lots of people have noticed. She’s probably noticed. We spend half our days together; but I haven’t expressed any of it, despite ample opportunity. I know exactly how monumentally boneheaded I’m being. I have a huge crush on her, we’re really compatible, and we’re close enough that hiding the feelings opens a gap between us. If she starts dating someone else, I’ll probably (totally wrongly) begin to feel bitter. But I don’t *want* to tell her. I feel so totally comfortable around her. I feel a happiness that’s unfamiliar and thrilling. Every moment with her feels like a gift. And I believe, somewhere deep down, that telling her how I feel will scare her and open up a rift we’ll never totally bridge again. I don’t say a thing to her for exactly the same reasons I can’t pull off the cover and get out of bed in the morning. I know it would be the right thing to do, the healthy thing to do; but fuck, it’s so incredibly scary to give up the security, and I can’t bring myself to believe that I’ll be able to keep getting along without it.",4.384434984520127,5.847785539473684,5.632693498452014,78.56679566563469,70.79824561403508,8.698039215686276,30.517027863777088,9.168548406835145,2.688631269349845,925,39,175,19,17,309,126,228,0.114,0.732,0.154,0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,4,0,0,1,6,12,2,1,16,0,16,1,0,3,6,42,35,14,0,3,5,0,7,2,1,3,0,1,1,0,11,14,0,2,10,0,1,2,7,4,0,1,0,9,27,8,30,29,6,27,0,0,0,1,20,17,1,2,10,122,38,0,0.12796430532232905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870201157021895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391536174506238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883439037407542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825263907100525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689775707578746,0.0,0.0,0.13222133441295172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781544628929544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4529181836769749,0.09141772529074907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886490486284744,0.11830093828114825,0.1337121359979727,0.1227550218990213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622038250220803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260190642961177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374055417515848,0.0,0.0,0.14065167129891254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250337917075203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087906763381816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869396101377098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913764195023533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887143371018523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759343286008918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819772107027901,0.13156861829630995,0.0,0.13738577461178764,0.0,0.1092808175601835,0.0,0.10176235170344966,0.12811459318120613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842374063974304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057379393580944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22369288621356825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25504139526970937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392530347341624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547666271993785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335302391384093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090217102570096,0.1399088796967785,0.0,0.0 bpd,sugardrops101,2020/03/03,"Feeling hopeless, despair is inevitable, a slave to low-self esteem... seriously considering suicide, but I am even screwed in that regard. No one to turn to...Help Mid 20's female. 110% positive that I have BPD. EVerything I read on it clicks clicks clicks. I have always thought I was just a somewhat narcissistic, moody, extremely sensitive person at the mercy of my knee-jerk reactions and passive aggression. Some background, if you care to read... I have always been taken advantage of by people around me. When I was molested at 10 by an 18-19 year old man for a couple months, then I got into a relationship at 14 with a 23 year old man. It was an awful abusive relationship, my mom knew but since I was going through my rebellious phase, she gave up. At some point she knew he was beating me up, but I guess she didn't know how to handle it and would just say ""\*Sigh\* This is what you wanted"". I broke up with first bf at 17 because he cheated on me and got his ex gf pregnant. I guess it was that and not the beatings and drugs that was the final straw. At this point, my first bf had broken me emotionally during this extremely critical time in teen brain development (14-17) and I think this is where it all began to go very wrong. I became neurotic, I felt weak, and pathetic for letting this man get to me and allowing this to happen. Low-self esteem, I would cry all the time, I abused Nyquil, but thank God I am not addicted to anything. Self-loathing and 0 confidence takes a strong hold of me. This is where I was conditioned to become depended on someone else, and desperately seek the validation of someone, even if it was an abuser. I feel like this time is when a normal teenager is supposed to learn self-worth, develop self-esteem, take school seriously, hone skills, discover talents, and learn self-reliance and responsibility. I learned NONE of these. And it's completely fucking em up royally now. Same year, I got with a 28 year old guy when I was 17. Turns out he was an alcoholic and would also beat me. He ended up raping me one night, I got pregnant and I aborted it. Around 19, I broke up with alcoholic bf, and the same year, shacked up with a 26 year old guy. He was super sweet and nice, not a mean drunk, but very this time he was a very depressed, low-energy guy and it got to me too. We lived together for 4 OK years, and later we broke up because we were just not compatible. Around the age of 19-20, I had this burning desire to be responsible, get a job, train, study, ""take over the world"". I don't know where this energy came from but I was desperate to do *somthing.* Now, my mother is a good natured woman, made sure I had food to eat and clothes on my back, roof over my head and medicine when I was sick... but I feel like she fell short in areas that are now fuckign me up. I feel like this all, what you have read so far, has contributed to my development of BPD. I am extremely sensitive, extremely jealous and envious, depressed, low-self esteem, passive agressive and ocassionally suicidal. I do have a very real fear of abandonment and I feel like I need someone to love me. This clashes with my ""manic"" episodes when I feel at the top of the world, euphoric, and sexy and I imagine that I am independent and strong... one tiny thing can cause this to collapse and I become a passive agressive toddler thorwing tantrums in my head... just seconds after my ""strong woman"" facade crumbles. It is absolutely exhausting getting into an argument with someone, or having a crazy breakdown alone in my room, then coming on the up-and-up, then stabilizing as if nothing happened. I severely have the ""I hate you , don't leave me"" mentality and I hate it so much. It makes me seem disingenuous is SUICIDE. I al just waiting for my senior mother to pass away to finally do it guilt-free. I hate myself, I loathe myself for wasting all of my best years and youth on guys that did not appreciate me. I never developed any talent or skills, and I get EXTRMELEY jealous and envious when my current boyfriend is just nice to someone else. I'm EXTREMELY passive aggressive and I want it to stop. My current boyfriend is THE BEST guy anyone could ask for and many, many women fall in love with him for he is charming, intelligent, funny, and caring.. but he is glad to be with me. My only problem is low-self esteem and intense self-loathing and he hates it. I feel like I will kill myself if he were to ever leave me. &#x200B; TL;DR - Self-diagnosis of BDP hits the nail on every single head. It all made sense as soon as I read the symptoms of BDP, BDP is ruining my life and strongly considering suicide one day. Very seriously considering it.",4.737308467741936,5.99162050945495,5.5866127294215815,80.02836736999444,69.71190211345939,8.777815628476086,30.62084607897664,9.14615696593027,2.6016797691879865,3654,149,701,71,64,1196,386,899,0.21600000000000005,0.631,0.154,-0.9976,4,1,3,0,2,5,167.0,3,4,0,16,31,64,17,1,36,2,65,21,4,8,8,141,126,68,5,14,25,4,8,5,4,4,9,1,1,12,42,58,5,4,20,5,0,7,11,35,1,7,38,13,103,28,97,79,15,107,0,9,3,5,50,51,2,13,54,455,145,10,0.0,0.15721010373586888,0.0,0.04821543485055197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945333207047104,0.0,0.04580723677866005,0.0,0.035369399184245795,0.07360306815259245,0.047921403716991016,0.05374229185829001,0.030076797774306906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030925493887946427,0.0,0.036396167325355104,0.11811783761534528,0.04134754115017784,0.0,0.04155399504322599,0.03400887462427743,0.0,0.05392238888741581,0.09769348559278926,0.0,0.0,0.09282985893359404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114081286316523,0.04937347091456133,0.0,0.050585455079834765,0.09018751033425147,0.045434703422199234,0.0,0.038098811230854665,0.04637258830518523,0.0,0.0,0.03531274224403798,0.048937833114162665,0.04858277071067778,0.028523629788362106,0.0,0.07618763399529721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051290849748081055,0.045256648363694564,0.07389422999846804,0.049750945936998234,0.039173194493258415,0.0,0.0,0.05842482215480679,0.040007078845352005,0.03726429629314084,0.0,0.03974959324235049,0.0,0.0,0.049769195125286166,0.1565422949491208,0.1579837267722583,0.04246615633606273,0.09690000117111547,0.0,0.0752412316358826,0.053481101926571815,0.0,0.0,0.04088840112980146,0.09242995925551177,0.0,0.05027198630965397,0.037096645427805434,0.17686727750296838,0.0,0.09744503785352206,0.21896512306743546,0.07822197579043312,0.0,0.0,0.17466537412193445,0.13617315506171002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029645333786203883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0438898173808844,0.0,0.048932121375009255,0.0,0.04861349401962749,0.0,0.0,0.09366288287550034,0.0,0.045226489128276384,0.031239794832889668,0.10803869995450027,0.0,0.03905444740165615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798356336106864,0.08369987701486707,0.029522770125863306,0.08968121927366338,0.0,0.048177644132076695,0.0,0.0,0.04457177880403862,0.0,0.0,0.0517997143470527,0.035302650668513236,0.0,0.03251292960141064,0.032794764511079884,0.0341116336493429,0.0,0.0,0.04150531466932824,0.043334396926774016,0.04243829907188958,0.0,0.18564087251752864,0.0,0.11988111082882895,0.03363765666967333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03066237220168358,0.03861849325851751,0.0,0.0,0.08362018190526042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04232056217034312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769612936329481,0.05034155033949888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496940165436432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03517216276403483,0.0,0.04476145608156475,0.0,0.040263832915502916,0.4613981968033347,0.04996545158309567,0.0,0.03658615195786785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873727065771646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036976884849652884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935145654645607,0.0,0.04168470077750842,0.045970195150777785,0.09976265508915176,0.0,0.0,0.0407195266371979,0.0,0.0,0.02938335352198388,0.028339743756893538,0.0,0.035112373187214004,0.10315963693957736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621549859862176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246512251287156,0.05217405890555539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425566237611924,0.0483567626578548,0.05374229185829001,0.2278528821655448 bpd,prettykittythekitten,2020/03/03,"Ever feel like once they're in a bad mood, there's a little evil goblin in the corner just muttering reminders of everything that's ever hurt you? For example, my boyfriend made a comment today about how I forgot to flush the draino with water the other day, but he said it in a way that pissed me off. And even though it was such a little comment, as soon as my mood soured it was like there was a voice going over my list of traumas. It didn't even feel like my thoughts, it was like some external person was saying it. And this happens frequently, where I half-dissociate and just feel like I'm watching my traumas in a movie.",9.785714285714283,6.264508682539681,9.128476190476187,74.49985714285717,61.38095238095239,11.984761904761903,37.104761904761894,9.3871,3.208678095238096,498,15,100,6,5,159,80,126,0.157,0.7340000000000001,0.10800000000000001,-0.825,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,14,13,2,0,10,0,6,2,1,2,2,17,16,8,0,0,3,0,3,5,0,0,0,3,0,1,10,4,1,1,4,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,10,8,9,5,14,6,1,18,0,1,1,0,7,10,1,1,11,67,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421080834512562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138765722831867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22815483555533805,0.3124633728734339,0.0,0.0,0.15522617913273207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619914929817457,0.3701654523480157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815859378337577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273236070785026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848962587954824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4219020428751707,0.3462140028378604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634282396763606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18393711067565333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080911937473626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429265291944006,0.13735085047056034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696927845187591,0.13711736613009745,0.0,0.0,0.16371475754963427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709407620017505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,petrichor_l,2020/03/03,"Depression or? Hi all! I am seeing my psychiatrist today (for the first time since November) to discuss BPD. In January 2018 I got diagnosed with severe depression. However, over the years this “depression” has evolved into something much more sinister. I have done a ton of research, from accredited sources, about borderline personality disorder. I wholeheartedly resonate with a lot of the symptoms, behaviors, thoughts, and actions that are attributed to BPD. Reading a ton of posts in this thread, I feel the same as a lot of you have expressed. I do a lot of the things you guys have experienced and done. The question I am having trouble answering is, is this a different form of depression, BPD, another mental illness that I have not explored, or did my ex-boyfriend literally drive me to the point of insanity? Is that even possible? TIA and wish me luck today! I hate seeing my psychiatrist because I always leave feeling like there’s something wrong with me and that my mental illness diminishes my self worth and self value.",6.632628255722183,8.87352975690608,7.054352801894237,67.5136049723757,66.34806629834254,10.917284925019732,38.342936069455405,10.914260884657429,5.049972059984215,830,46,128,26,14,270,111,181,0.22,0.6920000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9821,2,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,0,1,3,9,1,0,13,0,16,4,0,1,1,26,24,8,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,4,8,9,0,0,6,1,1,3,1,7,0,1,5,5,20,2,21,19,10,14,0,4,2,0,10,5,0,7,6,99,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301134280868187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721287622059795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814109688298146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223554766365005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851097146454692,0.11345608930241713,0.0,0.11678810225970825,0.1281115314696853,0.0,0.0,0.22878301160886444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383076953682131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304038909577227,0.07985688063189843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508147098601652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940205017193938,0.0,0.0,0.11068147367198096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036130284393383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836069781115148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054610900389311615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850984541533153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252993578659211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082172423426749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760348326175657,0.0,0.0,0.1056698531750075,0.12601708988838414,0.10705598512581764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252211049734894,0.0,0.11181196626096228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781511113110196,0.0,0.23322541807747216,0.12628152229064976,0.0,0.09246699104306066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721100531075701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618400394088454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742628055025087,0.0,0.0,0.08874219679461287,0.06518081783978072,0.0,0.2119119939755461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285434574261646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221575924968775,0.0,0.07198376054483546 bpd,BlueEyesandEm,2020/03/03,"Called Around Today So today after promising a really good friend who literally spent his only time off work to be with me as I did so, called around to see about psychiatrists but unfortunatley got nowhere with the places I called. One person said I was too high risk but most people just didn't take insurance. I'm hoping to hear back from another person I called after work but while this was progress my little bit of hope has been slipping but I've got another place to call if he doesn't work out so little steps.",4.422004950495051,6.248298267326732,4.638700495049509,84.29191212871288,71.27722772277227,7.822277227722773,22.525990099009906,8.472884824447931,1.2386722772277228,419,10,81,7,8,131,72,101,0.025,0.8109999999999999,0.16399999999999998,0.9263,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,4,9,6,0,1,2,0,8,0,0,0,0,14,18,10,0,3,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,9,3,7,5,16,8,2,17,0,0,1,0,13,9,0,4,7,49,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510525000043711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21313435164360564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204951076202683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306921876270025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6111858744526782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248755863764388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040697024723798,0.1914858582511038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349217383684771,0.0,0.0,0.1264800638977036,0.0,0.237797849411492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23996150332255145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111851482380884,0.09104476034070608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299175997882971,0.20905210478652794,0.2501426975299619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668921638414469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387151200196285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539327784477836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000693392269084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980379544739315,0.0,0.22694194351287064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614506616432087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nofunnelly,2020/03/03,"Is őt more than Bpd? Ive got Bpd and gad but I wonder if it's something else too. Constantly anxious. Constant voice in my head criticizing everything I do. Not a hallucination voice. Inner voice. I've tried all sorts of therapy. Nothing is working. I have an easy job, enjoyable and can barely maintain 20 hours a week. There's no external reason for the anxiety. I feel better, normal, only if I'm with other ppl or a person I can chat with. The self hatred is really bad. The anxiety is overwhelming. I'm so scared ill have to go on disability. I'm an intelligent person with ideas and dreams but... The worry is overtaking me. I do want to die but I'm not courageous enough to do it and I never will be. I feel trapped. Sertraline 125 mg daily. Zopiclone, Seroquel to sleep. Idk what to do. I feel like I'm going to explode with frustration at myself.",0.5566620879120876,3.0346188511904764,3.155000000000001,83.95153846153849,95.60714285714286,6.3941391941391945,21.937728937728934,7.61054688173877,1.6029882783882792,669,26,126,16,26,231,110,168,0.27399999999999997,0.61,0.11599999999999999,-0.9875,1,1,1,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,3,3,8,1,2,9,0,16,3,2,1,2,27,29,11,1,4,8,0,3,1,0,1,1,3,0,3,4,8,0,0,6,2,0,2,4,4,0,0,1,6,13,4,16,26,3,11,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,5,6,77,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22612630488235524,0.16696684590853927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234030685051016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307131086694213,0.0,0.0,0.3722865151186398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194288588908793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338839438791274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234641749726378,0.0,0.0,0.1527122590187056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282906487465898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241895356331868,0.10558513424089476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679911764175863,0.0,0.1182055621772541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516808212988002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455487956881377,0.0,0.0,0.16684312899555692,0.0,0.0,0.14666422784953506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220541552581455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398900037451652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448082093720142,0.14181376765849066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240513714860187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580986585257381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946815813806308,0.1519583886004948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796907794668265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418293878525427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790223545610642,0.0,0.0,0.11378019600675147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901703397110224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034344248286947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717361474477438,0.0,0.11855263466264085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602779144721836,0.10759688373653004,0.15009350371767938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lieswithoutillusions,2020/03/03,"I think I have BPD but have no idea how to get a diagnosis as there is little to no MH services in my area First up I'm sorry if this isn't appropriate to post here but I am curious and don't really know where elce to go. I'm just wondering how you found out you had BPD and what treatment there is available for it, a close friend of mine who is currently studying psychiatry recently mentioned to me that he believes I may also suffer with BPD based off the way I act and how I ""cope"" with my previously diagnosed Anxiety and Depression. I know a diagnosis won't cure me so to speak but i have found in the past that it has helped me cope and since learning of this MH problem I feel like I have started to understand myself more. Ofcourse without professional diagnosis I can't say for sure that I do suffer with this but I was curious as to how you found out and if you had any tips on how I could find out for myself?",4.554563699825478,4.843822811518329,6.062526178010473,79.94659904013963,69.57591623036649,9.926876090750435,30.052792321116925,9.928628108626363,2.6711881326352533,731,27,156,17,12,250,107,191,0.15,0.782,0.068,-0.945,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,0,1,12,7,0,0,5,0,19,1,0,5,1,42,33,21,0,4,8,0,1,1,1,2,1,2,0,0,10,13,0,0,12,0,0,2,7,4,0,1,6,3,26,3,27,24,1,21,0,3,0,0,11,12,0,4,6,115,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125634648588026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571970820588592,0.0,0.10767885634679414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585851392307251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5318362169606653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238315358280752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212339516601803,0.14286557334659708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117105877165937,0.10055695650443924,0.0,0.0,0.12864951119373186,0.11972798419701647,0.0,0.4629989432802309,0.1087486470100881,0.0,0.07353981627140982,0.0,0.07999554833927561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434656977032248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889772159775006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547129284621642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876684753602456,0.1410756711779662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343686539643866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480646820477762,0.0,0.0,0.13468561023191064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017265289393386,0.0,0.13898073277834105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193575798881476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643579266855693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756613746392906,0.09962865547439836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326619750218645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019151651033562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653318697361106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172649665196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13568489722255608,0.15264515587421784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lildixiedoodle,2020/03/03,"I’ve been freaking out for over a day This is embarrassing. My boyfriend and I haven’t slept away from each other for months and he told me the other day he was going to have a sleepover with a friend who lives about an hour away. I started freaking out, crying for hours, wasn’t able to sleep and begging him to not go. I have extreme abandonment issues and I really don’t want him to go. I try to not be selfish or controlling but the truth is that it really feels like I’m dying just thinking about how I’m going to have to sleep alone. He has no plans of cancelling anything and while I do wish he didn’t go, I can’t just “force” him not to even though it feels like it’s killing me. I don’t know what to do and why I’m reacting this way but it hurts a lot.",3.915548780487804,3.799185310975613,4.764536585365856,90.11339024390249,70.89024390243901,8.023414634146341,26.15609756097561,7.554174236665415,1.0289702439024393,597,16,141,6,10,194,92,164,0.162,0.727,0.111,-0.8224,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,7,11,1,1,7,0,17,3,3,3,1,30,34,12,2,2,8,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,11,10,0,2,4,0,0,5,10,7,0,0,6,2,14,4,22,27,2,18,0,2,0,0,10,5,0,2,9,92,25,0,0.14679549488919993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203586150031007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080018450703993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758383993212036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646436297925251,0.0,0.0,0.1612479581503801,0.1893419002304812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235054767525547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695703991303148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844842585417362,0.20974146175994246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341383520942648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41713631324519773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891279855304232,0.0,0.15714761337552866,0.0,0.0,0.15321635799741715,0.0,0.0,0.16240746553289231,0.0,0.08067496495725578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343372775201435,0.0,0.1296231114053029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248002802982237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717076350984625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880819058789896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938030176800395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390260683484144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406062578270584,0.1442258284072019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402693861493614,0.0,0.0996645051204104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658378622577627,0.11651943107518818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324601015588754,0.0,0.16880757454399806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Thomas_omally,2020/03/03,DEA feel like DEA feel that they don't know themself because they meld with everything so well it all feels natural? Like I'll laugh a little too hard or try to keep the joke going a bit too far or overestimate how much of an emotion is needed for the situation. I also forget that I feel like this.,4.571721311475411,5.20010449180328,5.639467213114753,81.79231557377051,69.65573770491804,8.722950819672132,26.72540983606557,8.841846274778883,1.8052918032786884,238,7,49,4,4,79,48,61,0.045,0.6809999999999999,0.27399999999999997,0.9384,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,0,6,6,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,1,1,13,10,5,0,1,2,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,5,4,6,4,10,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,3,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815561275808261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383956236478454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24785839470083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553786407496489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20404028308201005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4591735637355652,0.32438112396700725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902660733126764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20337464365625013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20179504951925206,0.0,0.0,0.12476996960565445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327467547372325,0.2275441022277179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16689346528027546,0.16834016372573365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25519168000826997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413873785039434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20412759342104275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,forgottencookies,2020/03/03,"BPD Ladies Advice Wanted I have a question and I am in desperate need of perspective from the BPD ladies: what would you think if a man wanted to show you a little appreciation by giving you a small gift? For context, I met a woman with BPD who did me a favour for which I am very grateful, and it’s important to me that she knows that I value what she did for me. So I have put in a bit of thought and bought a small gift that I think she will like. It’s just some vegan sweets, she offered the information that she’s vegan, so I figured it must be important to her. So what’s the verdict? I do struggle a little bit with social norms, so it’s entirely possible I’ve completely missed something crucial, and if I have and she’s going to hate it, then please someone stop me before I make a giant arse of myself!",4.093149350649352,4.591367773809528,5.608030303030303,82.05818181818184,70.66666666666667,8.728138528138528,27.177489177489186,8.841846274778883,1.9008619047619044,638,20,133,11,11,217,90,168,0.077,0.723,0.2,0.9562,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,0,0,5,6,1,1,13,0,12,0,0,1,1,25,26,12,0,7,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,14,7,0,1,7,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,5,1,26,3,16,17,3,11,0,1,0,0,19,7,0,4,3,95,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845675474477693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927472380329866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317197007955237,0.0,0.5740226160110801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928768560001652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573775417789475,0.0863409682578048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14999186057527536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349254629001213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422158262001813,0.3045321971033967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140934327196577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264849191485313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667651105708885,0.0,0.17126961434453025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527239153801403,0.17018779258909342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548656960811951,0.12872330773889645,0.11695724146089514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701388090819438,0.0,0.15882221819047396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19469140535458654,0.0,0.12060937000339933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253518431040386,0.1792154674811536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792127320117546,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ANQISH,2020/03/03,"Rapid mood swings. Hey, BPD. I recently received my diagnosis, after going through an intensive amount of therapy within a short span of time. I was previously diagnosed as being bipolar, until my previous therapist started suspecting that it was something else, after years of therapy sessions (I'm a 28 year old male). She recommended that I was tranferred to a different unit - and so I was - and about a week ago I received the diagnosis. That was a bit of a backstory, before I start asking too many questions. My question is: how to cope with rapid mood swings? I mean, I can wake up at 6 am thinking that I hope something bad happens so that I can remain miserable in bed all day, only to go shopping at 11 am because I suddenly feel like making myself a large, delicious breakfast. At 2 pm I wanna cry all of a sudden because of various reasons (memories and what not) and I wish to feel genuinely miserable - almost as if I WANT to enter a depression - so I can shelter myself away again, but at 6 pm I'm the life of the party at dinner with my family. I often feel like pulling a blanket over myself, shutting the door, remaining inside for a week or more and not having to go through the rollercoaster ride of emotions. It messes with my job so bad as well, since I can never keep a steady mindset. I might wish to crash my car on the way to work, cry in the bathroom at noon only to take a stand at a meeting at 4.30 pm without even being tired - almost looking forward to the next day of work. DAE experience mood swings in this sort of manner? And what is your best advice? Thanks in advance.",6.313430420711974,6.394670650485437,7.296585760517804,73.3253964401295,65.79611650485437,10.232362459546927,35.289644012945,9.994966539143718,3.5929042071197412,1257,56,225,26,18,424,176,309,0.079,0.8009999999999999,0.12,0.9141,2,0,2,0,0,0,39.0,0,1,0,4,11,15,0,2,23,0,17,7,1,3,3,40,40,18,0,6,6,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,2,1,10,9,2,1,9,1,1,11,4,6,1,0,5,4,29,6,52,32,7,54,0,3,1,0,10,21,0,10,24,158,39,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393564150153817,0.09428342843711568,0.0,0.2130122066041719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994340414756584,0.0,0.09993052916012793,0.0,0.17761552820625304,0.12967448375282226,0.0,0.09050616370760137,0.0,0.11162027761042337,0.0,0.11611967390824987,0.0,0.1339591203603839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336671590846054,0.13718928422422644,0.0,0.09160936960078556,0.1079551143282191,0.0,0.1111255729784258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885173974181906,0.11964284898550595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025104791901315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404237128082272,0.10026855632122364,0.0,0.16133935432957605,0.15196996003506485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18134379818216945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405549844915533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564139001389093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554779801679118,0.09453936540966483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512657267386866,0.10392612739155144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931722853032946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099741042663656,0.1078342971406258,0.0,0.11585931669863808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283319351433548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203287307392007,0.0,0.11311711321050034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160894761819448,0.0,0.0,0.16178607266090692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382993947144796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935777279935366,0.10501956871097276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798368294743751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376521149727086,0.0,0.0,0.15056703501287014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997093021667992,0.0,0.0,0.09792376977886866,0.2432682600869887,0.12349439203083998,0.0,0.06815242642597535,0.0,0.0,0.06202049343640158,0.12224738558490475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273501873213717,0.08442514481982459,0.17063424014433964,0.0,0.09563214355655604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446219277944128,0.1025290995524682,0.0,0.15486549540233288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698718415508268 bpd,Throwaway10110110010,2020/03/03,"Not sure if this is the right place for me but I need help [FP/suicide] I'll start by saying I've not been diagnosed with BPD but the symptoms fit in my unprofessional opinion. I want to end my life, but I don't want to hurt my FP, I want to push them away so they don't care, but by making it their choice not mine, I don't think I have the strength to leave them. I think they do care about me which is why my suicide will hurt them, but I can't die and not hurt them. I'm trying to get help and support from local services but it takes time and it's just so difficult. I don't know what to do, I want to ask my FP if I should keep fighting or let go and give in peacefully, but that's such a horrible question to ask but they're the only person I can trust to give me a truthful answer and the only person who's answer I care about. I don't know what to do, I'm seeing them at the weekend and I don't want to make it an unhappy occasion, but my current plan ends next week. I'm torn about what to do. I think the best outcome is I tell them and they say it's time to let go, and they don't feel bad and instead feels like they have freed me. But I don't see that actually happening. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this situation?",1.7117546583850896,2.633987452898552,3.4733954451345745,93.56891304347828,76.64492753623189,6.706418219461697,21.838509316770182,7.07126945348624,0.30792049689440937,971,24,240,10,21,326,130,276,0.138,0.6409999999999999,0.221,0.9765,1,0,0,0,2,3,23.0,0,0,12,3,10,17,1,0,10,0,25,3,0,3,2,53,60,25,2,9,18,0,2,1,0,2,3,2,0,2,14,11,0,1,10,1,0,3,13,6,0,0,1,6,41,11,28,55,1,21,0,3,2,0,27,9,0,5,10,151,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0983047884980913,0.0,0.0,0.0984390385097216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850461998337433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704376583733823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18835100830843932,0.0,0.09464573524708664,0.0,0.08411119404483175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571727510813188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687473533984114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081242808354577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038554320890794,0.0,0.10224594280797976,0.10454911017106147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815563471531564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844617784330058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187131629110256,0.07196653877385849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052630929008727546,0.19327223500879956,0.1145023264708772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908140364679848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504378627960387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235231522555135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953968145863526,0.0,0.0,0.11072485039359756,0.0,0.0,0.10666594638965528,0.0,0.20602083201566354,0.07115352802663859,0.04921501377519167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448547039515327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469521513340521,0.0,0.0,0.10713495103864053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323006821262505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591933987501826,0.10524873277158003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284850391188883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602885457028264,0.0,0.1602202243885066,0.0,0.0,0.16054870611423835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132326179124355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130217288218295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22037987334745496,0.11431516309806306,0.09494343803858246,0.10470432301326196,0.07574169327796483,0.0,0.08804858531496483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936446217839028,0.0,0.0,0.11748111915367393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839381600510308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970864871599202,0.0,0.08080515160142226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089948124550208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,zenith1357,2020/03/03,"How is it fair How is it fair that so many people just do not face consequences for their actions? Especially when I suffer mine. I accept my faults, my shortcomings, and am going through immense pain everyday because of my past actions. But why do people who lie, throw others under the bus and then act like the victim suffer no consequences? Literally looking at these people everyday makes me sick. My heart sinks and I cannot breath anymore. When you give everything to someone, consider them one of your closest friends and they get away with everything because they put on a good show. It hurts.",5.496472986748216,7.810962174311925,5.371865443425076,78.12020387359837,69.45871559633028,8.514169215086646,31.37716615698267,9.150863307647796,3.0240144750254845,483,21,80,10,9,150,82,109,0.191,0.6890000000000001,0.12,-0.8838,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,4,0,6,10,1,0,3,0,6,5,3,3,0,12,11,11,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,1,1,0,6,3,6,0,1,0,1,15,4,10,11,0,17,0,3,1,0,9,5,0,0,7,56,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20354694499310252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928335394097413,0.0,0.0,0.2502297334293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689202324371704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158571042431261,0.0,0.10723154399593683,0.1968887929766774,0.11664492238549448,0.17214896980737016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432151852086444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197179984481398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027187462375924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723533083685925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700199585210393,0.20808525044502024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13907867874946378,0.0,0.21839413795846974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19592866775842852,0.4268711409479785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20632695712576687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17390261591200554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852008297396488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway45711,2020/03/03,"Sometimes I wonder if my BPD came from a traumatic event or was just made worse by it I didn’t get diagnosed with BPD until going to therapy after being sexually assaulted last year. I always thought I had really bad depression/anxiety all through high school, and was screened for DID multiple times, but my therapist at the time never screened me for any other kind of personality disorder. The things I did make more sense when seen through the lens of BPD, but I think I might’ve been too young to qualify. I’ve always wanted the approval of other people that I view as better than me, and if I split on someone and consider them great, I can never see anything that they do as bad. I was recently assaulted again because I was drunk and very trusting of someone I had just met because I really, really wanted them to like me. It wasn’t until someone else I trusted pointed it out to me that what they did was rape - I kept making excuses for them, telling myself that they just didn’t hear me say no loud enough or that they were just wanting to make me feel good. I haven’t told my new therapist about this event yet - I’ve been avoiding going to therapy all together in hopes I can just move past it. I know that’s not how it works, but my brain feels like static. Thank you for taking the time to read.",7.479123434704827,6.410089023255812,7.6546511627906995,75.53068872987481,63.8062015503876,11.349314251639836,34.57483601669648,10.560738912317856,3.4433544424567675,1040,38,202,22,13,339,147,258,0.133,0.73,0.13699999999999998,0.4945,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,7,3,11,16,3,1,6,0,21,4,1,5,4,41,47,17,0,6,13,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,0,1,16,7,1,2,6,2,0,4,8,6,0,0,23,10,38,10,31,23,4,29,0,0,5,1,15,6,0,6,21,141,54,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16981703013560362,0.0,0.0,0.06939320061268442,0.0,0.07806313475324655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397325272767997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704044183747602,0.12440975856732002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024934114927917,0.0,0.0,0.38556132261979903,0.11391449308627895,0.0,0.11671078346769916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035721856836686,0.0,0.0,0.11695089622055845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524439943510077,0.0,0.0,0.1054383978940623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319269984684763,0.07290002431583313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053313610323230134,0.0,0.11598754818786003,0.08558939610347686,0.0,0.11250351580156012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501064198784468,0.0,0.0,0.10781474893105247,0.0,0.10135239752638094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626278826238393,0.05608053703558345,0.08317921757284984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970677378800874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655619591776056,0.20434484335991535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082522170688238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845628108800093,0.0,0.0,0.1574047513181311,0.098554420578012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741223761935468,0.07074423818049756,0.0891006040655424,0.0,0.0,0.09646425962237627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020712929772184,0.0,0.1961153802909923,0.0,0.1007558218861376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114922888338973,0.0,0.103273650502691,0.08131560013175834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25938383296824485,0.0,0.10092380729510612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767241467459832,0.0,0.08919067277370886,0.09394810917013374,0.2333916791386925,0.2369611515286313,0.06779328573889186,0.06538546884516208,0.0,0.08101128234632789,0.17850746865566405,0.0,0.0,0.097507107800737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419672164814106,0.18056401633474686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066201645068048,0.07428901328860436,0.0,0.1039912262356089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571278332611805 bpd,RhondaMeHelp,2020/03/03,"I’m so sick of obsessing over people - has anyone recovered from this? I’m totally obsessed with my SO. It’s been a over a year that we’ve been together but it hasn’t reduced in the slightest. I’ve been this way my whole life, but am wondering if this is something anyone has learned/managed to shake? It’s exhausting and annoying. TIA!",2.195714285714285,4.6273916417910455,3.817484008528787,84.74089552238807,80.34328358208955,8.007675906183369,28.974413646055442,8.841846274778883,2.7256413646055444,268,13,52,7,7,89,48,67,0.214,0.7070000000000001,0.079,-0.7634,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,3,3,0,8,3,0,0,1,7,11,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,3,0,2,0,7,8,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,35,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5287470987807971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670604218035757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621241943963944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29107681145705583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001150456348813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4221307373314015,0.0,0.0,0.4100290378193899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24348145988872905 bpd,blisshead2012-,2020/03/03,"DAE feel constantly confused? I have such a hard time compartmentalizing my thoughts that they all just mash together into one chaotic mess. It's gotten to the point where I don't even know where to start when I try to talk to my therapist. I get so confused I forget what triggers me, how I'm feeling, things that have triggered me in the past ect. Or I will feel really confident about something and feel like I really am in alignment with my self and then all of sudden start violently questioning myself. My mind is in a state of constant insanity. I am exhausted",4.413055555555559,6.505183824074078,5.369629629629627,77.93833333333333,71.87037037037038,8.874074074074073,29.592592592592588,9.444778638647367,2.870937037037037,455,19,83,11,9,149,77,108,0.22,0.7140000000000001,0.065,-0.9412,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,9,6,1,2,4,0,7,1,0,3,2,22,18,7,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,2,5,16,1,12,15,2,17,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,4,10,59,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4317719388628989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194960471439712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4040492805783362,0.14271940952543746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437427225038803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895929763174784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979119975203576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760004893181047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20171595546699572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537281418395722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19070798897616287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18885209302493916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237938925302894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25596215764140257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084090543667209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379667323927715,0.0,0.0,0.2828037636658516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057170097656107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319543507977188,0.13272173502337925,0.0,0.0,0.15859915672010674,0.11649049851269475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563421559166894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,drenchedinmoonlight,2020/03/03,"I’m struggling with radical acceptance I’ve once again set myself up for heartbreak by getting attached to a guy who doesn’t want to “jump into a relationship” We have such a great time together and it just makes me feel so devastated that I have no control over his feelings/desire to commit. I know he has his own issues. I’m going through the radical acceptance section of DBT so I’m really trying to accept all of the facts, even though they aren’t what I want. But I haven’t walked away from the situation. I know radical acceptance is also a process and isn’t necessarily about immediately terminating a situation. I just don’t feel like I’m accepting anything if I sit here as a willing participant because I’m obviously hoping he will change his mind. By staying aren’t I just fighting reality?",5.4804545454545455,6.941552629870131,7.186883116883121,68.47175324675325,68.15584415584415,10.535064935064936,34.77922077922078,10.637119530657019,4.148787012987014,651,32,113,19,11,226,101,154,0.105,0.7120000000000001,0.184,0.8536,2,0,0,0,2,0,9.0,1,0,1,1,12,11,1,1,9,0,12,0,0,2,4,29,27,9,0,4,5,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,9,0,0,3,7,3,0,0,0,2,15,8,18,25,3,13,0,1,0,0,11,5,0,2,3,77,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157651808952916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559767607655181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808077113640286,0.0,0.0,0.11554292896024908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20051010410400272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21258725854196536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125190578812124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916760698666384,0.13540870792972204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902777340184464,0.0,0.1077209794060616,0.0,0.0,0.2089705161995628,0.0,0.18767619299787566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18825778624117812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19783240658323986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20833444518739316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260055491876586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265206309195425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19138319720785385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20185584315551008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214253378723118,0.0,0.0,0.2034969713908284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4261058749873439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020263516019488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19815025520488705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622386733496915,0.0,0.11052335447675582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286864480829834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235933424344005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwawaymelife12,2020/03/03,"Why do you have to be like this? You were my favorite person. You were the love of my life, I literally couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. I proposed to you. And you said yes. Only to leave me months later after gaslighting me into thinking I’m something I’m not. I’m sick of your abuse, and your manipulation, but fuck if I couldn’t use someone like you back in my life. I don’t want you anymore. You ruined everything, for a second time. And that’s just too much for me to forgive. I’m sorry I can’t forgive you, when someone will eventually hurt you and you will eventually crawl back. You always do because I’m just in your back pocket. Something you can pull out whenever your heart gets broken. Not anymore, unfortunately. And I hate to hurt you like that. But I can’t. I really want to. But I won’t. You’ve shattered me too many times for me to allow you back in. And dammit if you weren’t my favorite fucking person on this earth.",1.0196608240382474,3.478473497382203,2.8466014113362204,89.44483041201912,86.27748691099475,4.997131800591852,20.86979285226497,6.498293943080001,0.3685131345322104,742,24,151,8,23,246,96,191,0.179,0.664,0.157,-0.8896,1,0,2,0,1,0,26.0,0,20,0,0,9,12,3,0,2,1,17,7,1,3,0,29,32,12,0,6,9,0,0,3,0,3,3,1,0,2,4,9,0,0,4,0,0,1,9,6,0,1,4,1,38,6,20,21,1,17,0,3,0,3,26,6,2,2,13,105,42,0,0.0,0.16122514181959474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322425994829552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698971901344415,0.09514592929031153,0.13942363647402178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41852925511476,0.0,0.08294929450175112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367215682748673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222943116659297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25159597688470864,0.07109291770323993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434465586779776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612480479332797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29133952565648186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440824528702596,0.0,0.0,0.1922258264319888,0.19943628147832945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281187129771645,0.0,0.0,0.13795742403659167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861276836636397,0.0,0.1000298624845054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034902179600094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23762869832810765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871723280843106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294372960334992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305896921875678,0.20951244014238127,0.0,0.15232342167130827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719056404948469,0.0,0.0,0.15869139483157665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752402967676814,0.0,0.0,0.1605196456167627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278539370608613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CouchPotato7373,2020/03/03,"Hey so I'm not diagnosed and I don't really think I have BPD but I was wondering if some people who have it could explain what it's like? From the small amount of research I've done on it, it seems like I experience some of the symptoms but not all so idk. It'd mean a lot if someone with it could explain what it's like/what you feel with it. Thanks to anyone who answers!",2.415555555555557,3.3492270370370387,3.951543209876544,90.77694444444448,74.92592592592592,7.375308641975309,24.61111111111111,7.793537801064563,0.99331111111111,294,9,69,4,6,98,52,81,0.03,0.8340000000000001,0.13699999999999998,0.8535,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,8,2,0,0,1,23,17,7,0,4,6,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,12,3,0,0,8,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,5,3,7,12,5,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,7,2,47,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515419130639994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.297481415426826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.377167615124074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397346304344709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24171118128151398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23104564877491995,0.0,0.0,0.11942812444297078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34618126104174823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008059475230178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25728739804481776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16374901894383814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131362378239435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21502456155268404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20012865721574985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24549876007908256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21745814364397195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134527774913245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561451942123148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,allisonlway,2020/03/03,"I feel like everyone hates me Last week my boyfriend broke up with me. We're still friends but he was the only person that ever made me feel completely loved. He was the only person that I've dated that I could see in my future. Ever since we broke up I've been spiraling. Everyone tells me that it's okay to ask for help, but when I do, people just ignore me and pretend I don't even exist. I give and give but once I no longer have anything to offer, or if I need something, they leave. It just shows me that they never wanted me for me, they only wanted me for what I was willing to offer. And I let them. I let them because I'm so desperate for companionship that I'll go to such extremes to keep people around. Everything I love gets taken away from me. It's not like I try to bribe people into being my friend, I just offer support whenever I can. I've always thought that how I go about friendships is normal, but I keep being told that it's not. No matter what I try to do to fix it, nothing works. I honestly don't know why I should even try anymore. At this point, I've lost so many people it doesn't even feel real. I don't know what reality is anymore. I'm half expecting to wake up any minute now and find that this is all just a bad dream, but deep down I know it's not. I just don't know what to do.",2.7951428571428565,3.5892739428571434,4.367142857142859,88.68785714285715,73.85714285714286,7.171428571428571,22.92857142857143,7.365786028017652,0.7096214285714284,1024,25,229,11,20,344,139,280,0.12,0.741,0.14,0.8721,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,5,2,19,15,1,0,3,1,24,3,1,2,4,50,54,15,0,8,15,0,3,2,2,2,0,0,0,2,22,8,0,3,9,3,0,2,11,6,0,1,9,4,41,9,26,38,1,23,0,3,1,2,24,11,0,2,12,152,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640370643303605,0.0,0.0,0.0706151759855808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20596396562120925,0.0,0.0,0.08545197464725189,0.09244015883199157,0.09707695336453202,0.0,0.09756167178768,0.0,0.08670257234146571,0.06330027234648884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887490445790987,0.0,0.0,0.08290827789607194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20575723167139992,0.18785955436698007,0.0,0.1984483066467881,0.09332524503528254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575147981886075,0.07418375288881973,0.0,0.0,0.09490843676480926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045399616750955,0.0,0.05425243312258193,0.1992267512991852,0.11803002390877795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252110467976784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960217235135205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18459661159871835,0.0,0.0,0.22827233545470624,0.08464395697834473,0.0,0.10995221311791914,0.0,0.2123681193036707,0.0,0.1014625541959472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335429289507125,0.0,0.18744041036692047,0.09825649641507604,0.0,0.10527808061769524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769964969254095,0.08008828038740627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017417508398191,0.09963786637054156,0.0,0.0,0.11058686119052644,0.0,0.2369263905648212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879600182712153,0.1813392315373256,0.0,0.0,0.09816294117305373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819334835064925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274752227853903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589802606403217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799415751553511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292724568088522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117837094227356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076127053630302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243784562745532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922415332339404,0.0,0.21150287475638488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249576497951345,0.0,0.08329467417322801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369999960158827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559720117897316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,eli_x_ir,2020/03/03,"DAE: Feel as though they're being watched/filmed, even when they're alone? I'm not sure whether this is a symptom of BPD, but I constantly feel as though I'm being watched/filmed, even when I'm alone say, in my bedroom. I can't do things I love without feeling as though I have an audience, e.g. singing, writing, even using the bathroom. It's not like I imagine physical entities — I know they're not there — but it's like, almost imaginary? Like, people watching from the other side or in the corner, and typically they'll take the form of relatives, characters etc, etc. I feel like I'm absolutely insane but I can't confide in anyone because I've no friends, and my family isn't at all supportive in regards to mental illness/health. I've always been alone, thus making friends in my mind, and now that I'm 19 it just feels — silly? And frustrating. Please tell me I'm not alone. And if I'm not, what can be done?",2.9163461538461526,4.891372324175824,3.9528434065934057,86.9827815934066,75.75824175824175,7.187362637362638,27.309065934065927,8.07648339933343,1.7641527472527485,721,29,145,12,16,233,107,182,0.20600000000000002,0.7120000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9651,0,4,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,1,0,11,11,1,0,6,0,13,2,0,3,2,33,31,19,0,1,13,0,5,4,2,1,1,1,1,0,8,5,0,0,7,1,0,0,10,1,0,0,2,7,13,10,14,25,4,12,0,0,1,1,7,8,0,3,8,85,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206774955572334,0.4992651848047689,0.0,0.0,0.10027741249970296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426628359919583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346429665435546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178333119830245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302329638984623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233277992514102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688102286173807,0.2387953439370173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360999872152573,0.0,0.3046778324069527,0.08609532040125488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621783977965106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810088744692189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623141555392249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355084711155477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876870984721272,0.0,0.08044411931055699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144990042295327,0.0,0.12168491919720915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354932539260868,0.0,0.0,0.1322883278676294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583767531765824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367580095046131,0.11358314373870765,0.12526032779692006,0.0906116295378746,0.0,0.1053346637579676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800642347039115,0.0,0.3552135701542809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408551672500486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617132325869063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,batteryacidfucknut,2020/03/03,"Off to the funny farm TW: suicide attempt Does anyone else feel like you're not bad enough to be sectioned but you still need it? I've just got out of the hospital last night for the second time in a week after trying to kill myself and my friends have tried to get me sectioned multiple times in the past few months but i've never ended up there because once im past the intense emotions, i seem like im okay again. I've been taking to them today and they want me to sign myself in to an institution but i feel like if i walk in there and im not currently in a complete state, then im faking it and i'd feel like im not meant to be there. I know that when things are bad, they're really bad, but its not constant so i dont know if getting sectioned will just make me worse. I dont know if this post is making much sense but I was just wondering if anyone's been through a similar thing or understands how i feel. I'm new to all this and the doctors have only recently told me they think i have bpd, so i'm really just trying to figure everything out",2.5832470588235275,3.679962315555557,4.098875816993466,89.24917647058822,74.73333333333333,7.249673202614379,23.45751633986928,7.724431198458867,0.9210967320261436,831,23,185,11,17,277,126,225,0.07400000000000001,0.785,0.14,0.88,1,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,1,3,1,13,11,1,0,10,1,13,1,0,3,2,46,36,20,2,6,18,0,4,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,13,0,0,1,7,5,0,1,6,4,20,6,23,27,7,35,0,0,0,0,6,12,0,7,24,116,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591485554095253,0.09958252313948733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434484844892365,0.05924605216177881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240725858674692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019017459089938,0.10502773896568586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947796617267923,0.08505152381656157,0.0,0.22781164411958454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118967826303823,0.10932553986936293,0.08608139113186533,0.1004231322916001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734800231357663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656850550137092,0.20829742101976806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508866450424856,0.0,0.10155540769524647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773162995824279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5249087714380763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752620850768188,0.0,0.16023905812852435,0.07922272850373506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18992827536211485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975000662445074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757603941927384,0.0,0.07144574870817567,0.07206506866427542,0.07495883132077284,0.09386659711551863,0.0,0.09120612378744006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035040562011854,0.0,0.07391728752271834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855574860896124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930810446137522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452465877543376,0.0,0.0959632869287963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847802162940685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761596816439123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630996026080156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730746985208688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291372827777455,0.0622753543200013,0.0,0.0,0.11334440771667502,0.0,0.09212464740876083,0.09286910064664547,0.0,0.19795665777855076,0.0,0.0,0.10117809846755252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057325112614431024,0.0,0.0779598638036376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539828506164864,0.0,0.0,0.09904479656374184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,brielzibub,2020/03/03,"DAE lack empathy? I value the truth over kindness, and won't let social norms silence me - but I also know I'm an asshole I read something about thinking before you speak that said something like ""is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?"" I think for me, the truth is always necessary. Even if it's just my truth or my opinion - and I'll always make sure to say that it's simply my truth - I find it necessary if prompted to say it. I won't randomly tell someone they don't look good in an outfit, but I won't compliment it and if they ask, I'll be honest despite not being necessarily blunt or harsh. I have opinions that people don't like. One of my core values is speaking for what you believe in, even if no one agrees. But this also makes me an asshole...so my core value is being an asshole and empathy is do-able, but it feels so wrong and fake. I don't say things to piss people off - it's actually cool when they agree. I say it because I don't want to feel like l have to express agreement for something that I disagree with. What's unfortunate is that when I keep my mouth shut when people are talking about something, even if I'm smiling and making eye contact, I'm asked if I'm okay, especially with people I don't know. They're expecting me to verbally participate, which means I either validate things I don't believe in which hurts me, or be honest and hurt them. So not only do I go against my values by staying silent, but it doesn't even keep me from being asked to address it. To give an idea of how bad it can get: I don't like being directly asked to validate people- I'll do it on my own. I also find it weird to comment on a child's appearance - I know it's the norm, but it feels icky to me. Someone will say ""isn't my niece cute?"" And I'll tell them I don't want to comment on how a child looks. I could just say ""yes"" but it hurts me to because saying a kid is cute doesn't sit well with me and because I didn't uphold my values. And then I'm a shit starter because my opinion is different, when most of the time, they put me on the spot and asked for my opinion. My therapists all tell me these are good qualities, and I do have friends. But one therapist called me a sociopath in a therapy group because I said I value the truth over feelings (she was reported by someone else for this, and I no longer go there). Maybe if I can uncover why I don't value social courtesy over my truth will help, but I can't think of any time where I didn't feel this way",4.0400678600678575,4.3126535250965246,5.270428220428222,85.234235989236,70.6988416988417,8.20928980928981,29.017433017433014,8.101407402915765,1.7597263835263832,1938,69,420,25,33,647,205,518,0.129,0.677,0.19399999999999998,0.9888,1,0,4,0,0,0,60.0,0,2,6,0,22,35,2,0,17,3,49,4,4,5,9,83,87,44,0,12,24,0,5,4,1,5,0,11,1,3,34,16,0,2,15,1,0,4,22,9,1,3,5,20,66,26,43,69,5,29,0,3,3,0,43,14,2,17,12,274,100,2,0.06840374367060181,0.0,0.06675218646385572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410734729936513,0.11383478888719205,0.0,0.0,0.04651689136032846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31974133252685605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057114268738670586,0.2084914362050221,0.0,0.05820654768990041,0.15413518973733326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984787028471565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05461482325769467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146735314108778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057142550460112476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18072011025344514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729349405119297,0.04886764814599218,0.0,0.0,0.12503956495325372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05284856267708424,0.0,0.035738132807485244,0.06561910394550123,0.07775084778578899,0.1147476295945283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045849587493371334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21968286707776935,0.07721950047181347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160078067320425,0.0,0.14246394556250985,0.11277872582676066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994746239861596,0.0,0.13367445580360954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488383352047254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698009019170396,0.0,0.06872075460516949,0.07451173010189317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390564410420011,0.052024129452234544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23711271513320845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876465562973122,0.0,0.0,0.06842225469510378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301352490608544,0.3807818174446832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021545988966296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945800477122652,0.1738748101006877,0.21064217512871866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290928934516126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446971888448794,0.0,0.0,0.054980338074671585,0.17936366095545872,0.0,0.07822564233270646,0.15884403723930304,0.0908888156139984,0.1314910707660276,0.0,0.0,0.07977354604532574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069260059361573,0.05429570779353613,0.0,0.0,0.06150318051923542,0.0,0.0617237391410015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478875550422373,0.0,0.0 bpd,FaithDeadly,2020/03/03,"Where does everyone live? I'm derby in england, be cool to find others nearby that we can talk too. Theres a good chance this post has been done before and apologies if it had but I just got here. Prop up say where you're from and if you see same place as you commented from someone else hit it with a comment. X",0.7683766233766249,2.8878707727272754,2.0325974025974034,97.28318181818184,83.69696969696969,4.983549783549783,18.51948051948052,6.1826913282559595,-0.3076337662337658,245,6,56,2,7,78,57,66,0.0,0.917,0.083,0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,2,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,0,0,10,10,6,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,4,2,7,4,1,6,0,0,1,0,8,5,0,2,0,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24827812393320964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553333320319924,0.2985860317362186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24373967857669665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278802493439924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26667608573360885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447261290369881,0.2333582655652689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576417253922945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048416555277032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794387708033038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23203033977431897,0.0,0.0,0.2325060458015829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24721910371681585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345168324209272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Frequent-Hospital,2020/03/03,"Borderlines of Reddit, How did you know you had Borderline Personality Disorder? Like did you see any hints or signs within yourself or something. I think I may show symptoms of bpd so I want some perspective from those who actually do. Thank you 💖",3.253333333333334,6.386896444444448,4.379444444444445,77.0225,84.55555555555556,8.333333333333334,27.5,8.841846274778883,3.0823333333333336,200,9,34,6,6,65,37,45,0.057999999999999996,0.797,0.145,0.4663,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,4,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,9,10,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,7,2,4,6,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,4,1,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.3160823265002205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202649534287831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4079441310338141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3712205732266949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17800846148240634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824250568531584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28281935739660546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581085281831105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493561346106748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366589412203965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29820610244772555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20754378127741527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19104621345095252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kurtapika,2020/03/03,i don’t know what to do anymore long story short i abused my ex. he’s still in my life but it’s not going well lately. we argue a lot. most recently he told me his friend wants him to be his sugar baby. so i told him i wouldn’t be able to be around him if that happens due to jealousy and uneasiness. he got angry at me and told me it was selfish. later that day i told him how suicidal i’ve been lately and how being around him puts me in a state of constantly being reminded what i did and that i can’t live with it. he got angry again. i told him i don’t feel cared about after he told me he did care when he just got angry at me. then he told me how i’m selfish (again) and that he has no obligation to cater to my needs. later that day i apologized for saying i wouldn’t be able to be around him and wanted his perspective on how he’d feel if i got a sugar daddy. he got mad again and told me that i shouldn’t compare our feelings because i abused him. i know i deserve his anger after what i put him through.. but i’m tired of making him angry. he refuses to cut me off due to paranoia and i can’t cut him off because i don’t have what it takes. i genuinely feel the only way out of this is to kill myself. that way he won’t have to deal with me anymore.,2.813440860215053,2.8803550931899657,4.6234587813620065,89.5218548387097,73.33691756272401,7.633691756272402,23.74372759856631,7.3871296695380915,0.7484996415770602,977,23,233,10,18,335,123,279,0.259,0.6920000000000001,0.049,-0.9969,0,0,0,0,2,1,20.0,2,0,0,0,16,12,6,0,4,0,26,4,0,5,0,41,56,19,2,8,6,1,4,0,1,4,2,1,0,0,16,15,2,1,6,0,0,3,11,8,1,0,17,7,52,4,32,27,2,37,0,0,0,0,45,12,0,4,19,158,68,0,0.17123971348674627,0.20289105915662756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16982378229522266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286594748960792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104386139951963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745903004283878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252464812822693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104354488909084,0.08827031274712424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316788863319135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661496889306924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0486597376976319,0.0,0.34239010480220466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571335655424567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472568584939313,0.0,0.09410886822692374,0.0,0.19316585548996712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060475836897828386,0.0,0.0,0.0756039021328907,0.07577087891811993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727909404081642,0.0,0.0,0.05715191922528511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348603888994568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511775923184399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17214320878040845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453927927759967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808834661174662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683761281949355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365422661217256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437547674837253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984074301367691,0.0,0.6545075382131663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100161968247462,0.13592211401319967,0.0,0.0,0.07698253374371823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pm-me-ur-udders,2020/03/03,"I love you all Each and everyone of you. I hate what we have to go through, but I'm just proud of you guys and I love you all. I actually mean it. I don't know you, your past, or even your name. And it might not mean much coming from a stranger. But just in case no one has said this to you in a while, I love you and I'm proud of you. You're not alone, even if it feels like that. Even if every fiber of your being says otherwise. I know this doesn't help, I'm just a stranger on the interwebz, but thought you should know anyway.",0.19202797202797228,1.7708162991453025,1.7701476301476298,101.316013986014,82.58974358974359,5.622066822066823,17.473970473970475,6.574015621080383,-0.5946341880341883,405,8,109,4,11,131,65,117,0.063,0.7170000000000001,0.22,0.9713,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,12,0,2,7,7,1,0,4,0,7,3,0,0,2,30,24,11,0,3,11,0,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,7,7,0,0,7,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,2,3,20,6,11,19,4,7,0,0,0,3,21,3,0,4,3,75,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.17237997222578813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829508761552491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521639676463846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3500169346849603,0.0,0.14883097378436422,0.16879180241125086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931698517008506,0.12619517466603067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039138559980304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749062546872145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744002993675393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840137435723885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912383047737825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862997910607787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.478286843235945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3848362322158415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18739235781047991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298543499948265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969917748245555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16862757531774167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680297815477006,0.14047513987905366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402363445219537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,FoxesWithSockes,2020/03/03,"Need Help I’m a second year university student studying in the UK. I was recently abandoned by my 4 year long distance boyf / fp... and I have been abandoned in the past but it’s never been this bad He was all I had, I recently cut off my only friends who weren’t that great, but generally he was the only person I spoke to I feel like I’m spiralling... through snapchat I can see him hanging out with his new girlfriend, reading and ignoring my messages, I don’t expect anything I just want to talk to him, I want to know that he cares. I know I should block him but I really don’t want to kick him out of my life, not yet, the idea of never speaking to him again scares me more than anything in the World. Reaching out to my family isnt an option. I have already tried calling hotlines. I hate making phone calls so this is a sign that I’m getting desperate. If he was like most guys I’ve dated I wouldn’t be so scared... because I would know something better will come along...but I’ve literally never met anyone like him... he is the best I’ll ever get. He doesn’t drink, he’s healthy, he focuses on his goals, he was so good for me, and I always trusted him, this wasn’t my first relationship, but it was the first where I didn’t get paranoid or suspicious of him. It was so healthy. And now it’s gone. I have no friends. No family. No support system. No advice. No motivation. I was sexually abused in my first year of university and nobody believed me, they spread rumours about me instead and everyday in class I have to face the guy that ruined me, his smug fucking face knowing that he got away with what he did to me. I’m so low, this is me reaching out for help or advice. Please help me. Any advice, please. I want these knots in my stomach to go away, I’m in so much pain. If you’ve been through these feelings before please tell me if it gets easier because I’ve been feeling like this for 4-5 months and it hasn’t gotten any easier. At all. I’ve tried meditation, yoga, hotlines, counselling, everything.",1.683819547975432,3.861315789731055,3.2452310811616703,89.56354582861233,80.58924205378973,6.044033633490369,24.156538851452083,7.217587316427113,0.9953180392390726,1574,58,329,21,41,518,198,409,0.142,0.642,0.21600000000000005,0.9865,1,0,2,0,1,0,62.0,0,0,1,7,14,26,3,2,11,0,35,7,3,2,6,58,69,22,0,12,11,0,3,4,4,4,2,2,0,3,20,14,1,4,9,3,0,4,18,13,0,4,22,6,52,13,40,42,6,45,0,4,1,1,45,19,1,7,25,206,72,5,0.0,0.10367757538474902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565228077302729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656250849075118,0.0,0.07281008789129892,0.0,0.0,0.11901103279532114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06118462136374672,0.0,0.14401617804146868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644252125500732,0.0,0.07306193418307046,0.10668288626398137,0.0,0.0744592034575744,0.09858670465878963,0.0918297342425908,0.07738991143542741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870212170340818,0.0,0.08921585361795809,0.0,0.0,0.07537668914892455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857203126591806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915210602267822,0.0,0.0,0.07864268298214908,0.0,0.16498140081684196,0.0,0.13273349921835914,0.12502532104053796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22329180668531284,0.0,0.0,0.13521028258805914,0.08089576031867284,0.18286828595870028,0.0,0.04973036903961128,0.07339395168883951,0.06998470223218435,0.09647313778895646,0.0,0.1732848399484284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639178746610933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17595565614728018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878102592778698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19235897965199386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06180645086080499,0.17099955068265502,0.0,0.0,0.07743802061713924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058409398999571725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698446182336147,0.0,0.0643252875538978,0.06488288454160247,0.2024647428263736,0.08451161840047552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310101331638516,0.09311010590644524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353218257426451,0.0,0.07640485536697446,0.0,0.2881583560723686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752737940258737,0.0,0.056057110661674465,0.0,0.17279869377604132,0.09394622608805996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521293700445087,0.0,0.06972911948582876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736462304126956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929816140698153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033215920446219,0.07648209038342267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881853634916775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064477968056278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216011763377484,0.0,0.0,0.16904854097622382 bpd,_girl_interrupted_,2020/03/03,"Please read I need help with my hypersexuality Hi, most of the years of my life, I try to think that I am fine, and it takes for me a lot of work assume that one of my symptoms of my bpd is hypersexuality, in all my life I have 2 important boyfriends, and I cheated them, I watched a lot of porn, and it became and addiction, they never catch me watching porn or talking with other people in a sexual context, anybody of my friends, lovers, parents, etc don’t know about this behavior, I masturbate almost all days, these start when I was 10-11 years old, and I am a woman so now is most normal but a few years ago I felt weird for touching me like that but I can’t stopped, so I keep the secret all my life until the feminine masturbation was not a taboo, I has a lot of risky sexual behaviors, like have sex without a condom with strangers that I meet one night, or online, and when I am sober the most part of my day I think that it will be amazing get a lot attention of people for my appearance and they validated me, so over time I dress more “sexual” for me, like short skirts, with transparent clothes, etc. But sometimes I felt so much regret about kiss people o have sex with people, mostly when I am on a relationship, and maybe it sound like bullshit and I know that, but I feel like I can’t say no, that is the reason for I make a important decision for me, I can’t be in a relationship for a long time, until I can deal with my sexual issues, I don’t want to hurt someone that I love cuz I can’t control me, but the question is that I don’t know how can deal and recover(?) me, I love my ex’s, so much but it will be so much irresponsable and heartless still in that behavior if I am on relationship, I need help with that I don’t know how I can started, I want to get my shit together in all aspects of my life, I am on meds, I am going to terapy, but it’s hard to me talk about this to my doctors, please I know that I am fucking piece of shit, and I regret so much damage that I provoke to people that I loved, so cuz for all I wrote in this post and more, cuz it would more long if I write all the sexual shit that I’ve done I need tips please, and experiences about hypersexuality and bpd ☹️",7.563311688311689,4.694173188311686,8.386099567099567,76.08200649350651,64.95238095238096,11.75082251082251,34.138961038961035,10.008157457239328,2.894527792207792,1711,51,387,29,20,586,185,462,0.122,0.732,0.146,0.7267,2,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,0,3,2,19,24,6,0,20,0,36,21,3,9,7,90,65,44,0,11,13,2,5,5,2,3,7,2,0,1,27,22,0,4,16,1,0,3,12,11,0,2,6,9,71,13,51,53,26,38,0,4,2,11,27,11,4,16,28,280,98,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301328424157395,0.0,0.0,0.06750119650860281,0.0,0.07625188781880905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918131543889894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540720225983618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821917792765164,0.15701185879189186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794138478422193,0.0,0.07792652200839828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698517797575583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448800563857261,0.0,0.0,0.038503052769361716,0.0544006211153709,0.14622931920035706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05883226927759935,0.070398213262881,0.07956906853477294,0.0,0.04327704086717414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821424624660047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208168930378547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151872026344048,0.0,0.0,0.07947942166660721,0.0,0.06768443180418161,0.0,0.0,0.20924657267615587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21514421480584744,0.18601195522164585,0.0,0.0,0.13477834360133695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589554857347673,0.2061814281901326,0.0,0.050829824840393036,0.0,0.07650156854018375,0.0,0.08458399974291607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223912120663766,0.16938980949350022,0.05873054445852258,0.0,0.0,0.0714603631567469,0.07460952329206877,0.0,0.0,0.0799052137812202,0.0,0.10320061158087096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455408031138342,0.08246158299204329,0.0,0.2639594796758486,0.0,0.0,0.25076509973269034,0.0,0.0,0.07292937113093365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530393165131749,0.0,0.0761692713839559,0.0,0.0,0.07829350962131958,0.0,0.2452655034084701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06055647437323281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23449652939021276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645205162969722,0.0,0.0753129762809878,0.0,0.10779683329929142,0.0,0.0608124218140899,0.0636636932116572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791476191912527,0.057254318866143836,0.12241082408794045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758597889312376,0.0,0.0,0.088805797252129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051699944648158025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982891050113405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340459518140302,0.0,0.05543713466320994,0.0,0.0,0.054093826430334765,0.0,0.0,0.1471117298674562 bpd,scarbaby1313,2020/03/03,"I have a lot to unpack. I can't even describe how I feel most of the time lately. I've suspected I have BPD for a while. I have yet to get evaluated by a therapist becuase they are super expensive but my regular doc says my symptoms fit. I'm so stressed out that I have been puking and feel like I have an ulcer. Long story short hubby is polyamorous and is interested in the one girl I'm not fond of because she tried to get him to cheat on me. His friend has also offered to front the cost of a trip to Denver which this girl may go on as it's his cousin. I just don't know where we are going to pull the money from to pay him back! I e told him this but it doesn't seem to be clicking. I'm currently a sobbing depressed mess. I'm trying to calm myself down. In the last 24 hours I've slept 3. I'm tired but my brain is keeping me awake. I have been fighting ideation and self harm thoughts. My mood flips at the flip of a switch, I honestly scare myself when I flip so fast. I just don't know what to do to feel better anymore. Over the past 3 weeks I've gotten worse slowly. Ugh!",1.4082051282051251,2.8780363589743594,3.0926581196581218,93.72873076923081,78.57264957264957,6.047521367521367,21.52905982905983,6.742157984588678,0.25068444444444404,844,23,198,8,20,280,144,234,0.20600000000000002,0.687,0.107,-0.9787,1,0,0,0,2,0,19.0,1,0,1,2,11,18,2,2,14,0,21,5,2,1,0,24,41,13,0,0,6,1,3,1,1,1,3,1,0,3,7,5,0,1,8,0,4,5,5,9,0,1,6,5,29,8,28,33,2,29,0,2,1,0,17,11,1,4,14,121,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476402900369008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712487805100296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295801758569429,0.0,0.10272719564895423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904074780298687,0.0,0.0,0.2122429080566664,0.1881221626548439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514457064962008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130475225760764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556237578656193,0.12038951199561722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019682574770616,0.0,0.176087719854002,0.0,0.1915456744350062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659565866958754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978681396532256,0.0,0.0,0.18522650848278727,0.1373649118193469,0.1900959901261519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082329532477184,0.0,0.0,0.1491333984894333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326823810559405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419236592465873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086979201251306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401252133697986,0.1687162232876431,0.0,0.0,0.15341273733712335,0.17580134639084005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19303715098912488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515504519409927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19566274265463807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378471186182234,0.09826437983944923,0.1936870035355794,0.0,0.16102646376875376,0.0,0.2288257368676821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517522078692462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17173455147410271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,summeranana,2020/03/03,"How would it make you feel if an ex called you “psychotic”? My borderline takes such a toll on the people I have around me, it’s pathetic. My city is so small that words spread around fast. I did not know the crap I have said to my boyfriend during my episodes would spread. After my ex heard about my words, he felt the need to text me some brutal things. Am I actually psychotic? Do I let my BPD control my life to the point where I actually need more than pills and therapy? What’s wrong with me? I’m not a mean person, I just don’t stop and think when I have urges to say mean things. I don’t know what to think about myself. But honestly, having someone call me “psychotic” has really pushed me down hill.",3.2031628787878823,4.519317687500003,3.8557323232323237,90.7352272727273,73.5138888888889,8.014141414141415,22.118686868686872,8.575989854853784,0.989911111111112,553,13,125,10,11,175,91,144,0.1,0.8640000000000001,0.037000000000000005,-0.8713,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,1,11,4,2,0,7,0,14,3,1,3,0,29,29,7,0,5,5,2,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,7,5,0,2,8,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,5,25,1,14,22,2,12,0,0,0,0,11,7,1,2,4,81,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.3112844480090591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839652841682257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008759316812158,0.0,0.32572050292253724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17888503404139258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064448574712063,0.0,0.15313835397291067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753064345198499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630924646504074,0.11265466837406073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646285917701448,0.0,0.0,0.3474694089238086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365241731044609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057240901934452,0.13926319216936306,0.0,0.0,0.15077249886414154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021753413057362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517144280823068,0.12683528663924706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513795615313995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333433437231751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991893550414648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18239421945283868,0.0,0.21192021038831474,0.20439343163531173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22659859417898645,0.17438062861822876,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kittemine,2020/03/03,"Really struggling with impulse buying/shopping addiction I've googled support on this issue and for better or worse found advice for those in worse situations (own credit cards, have large debts, etc) that didn't really apply or help. My vice seems to be clothing and aesthetic purchases. I have this idea of who I am and how they look but for multiple personalities it feels like. I try to think I'll need the item in future, try justify my purchases, but so much of what I have I barely wear or ends up in charity. I feel a temporary rush buying and getting the items too then rarely happy with a lot of them. Does anyone else struggle with this? What can I do instead of focusing so much on it?",6.417686567164183,6.7420259552238795,6.9693656716417935,74.92927238805972,65.56716417910448,10.580597014925372,31.67537313432836,10.411451182825502,3.2495552238805967,554,20,102,13,8,182,93,134,0.095,0.797,0.10800000000000001,0.2019,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,1,5,7,0,2,4,0,8,2,1,1,0,21,17,13,0,1,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,10,7,0,0,6,0,5,1,1,2,0,0,2,3,11,5,18,14,7,10,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,5,4,73,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18206402366187746,0.0,0.1631988694813566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677629515159015,0.17112004523409782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770553348383889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461503499196625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395142538962633,0.0,0.14792004741299722,0.0,0.1862587339563724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888913080600398,0.11931097607398945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18311630795876807,0.0,0.0,0.08725509964351807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777837585196981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194234312404812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18853237924840785,0.0,0.17431358654395465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159196525296686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402451604740614,0.0,0.0,0.14198473808417333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455410721739209,0.12383475956273765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582546630966026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139799692820127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203835558816034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18772466199879528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491872970248747,0.0,0.0,0.18951937833422006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107012366349477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22677575117612356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403920594470041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Just-Fig,2020/03/03,"Looking for books and other Media to help deal with BPD I was diagnosed with BPD a few months before university started and I’ve been living in denial about it as I feel a lot of shame. It’s really starting to affect every aspect of my life and I want to find better coping strategies so I can live more comfortably in myself. I’m specifically looking for books that I can read that have specific coping mechanisms, or perhaps if there’s a book with DBT skills in that I can follow! Any other websites, social platforms and other tips would be greatly appreciated! I’m not ready to find another therapist as summers coming and I’ll be moving home over that time to work on my mental wellbeing, so I’ll look then!",5.060869565217395,6.51196175362319,6.294898550724636,74.5106086956522,69.14492753623188,8.708405797101449,28.29275362318841,9.120678840339163,2.5322875362318844,574,20,98,11,10,193,92,138,0.039,0.8540000000000001,0.107,0.8501,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,4,4,0,1,3,0,9,2,0,1,0,19,20,12,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,9,9,0,0,3,4,0,3,1,1,0,0,2,4,9,3,20,15,3,15,0,0,3,0,3,6,0,3,6,65,18,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072277980593678,0.16534121446670166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341740550347372,0.0,0.0,0.13945513454205755,0.0,0.0,0.3971848468952301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582734663508236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256114262248125,0.0,0.16004186740200196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285218950930802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972773904851516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882333025304729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17384274203852598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568957135939236,0.0,0.15816588313906282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111374037784658,0.0,0.0,0.2784686342428613,0.0,0.3972344284228716,0.0,0.0,0.13405388603544538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589043399037981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585866105990318,0.16758887187930666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772265718233958,0.0,0.10101383713154327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607348893710106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223213412375994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830786177873948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194446829612334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300374152599383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147929083052566,0.0,0.0,0.11201133851924687,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lavender01,2020/03/03,"Don't know how to help my bf when he's having an episode My (24f) boyfriend (27m) has been recently diagnosed with BPD. It makes so much sense now but we're still trying to navigate the minefield that is BPD as it's all very confusing. He's been told to take a break from medication by his GP for the moment as everything he tried was making him suicidal. Being off medication overall has been good for him and he seems more ""level"", but when he gets his lows.. they're terrible and I just dont know what to do for him. Yesterday he was so sad, agitated, paranoid, self-critical etc For the entire day and nothing we did made it better (I soothed him, cooked for him, had a bubblebath with him etc.) I know that he will have days like this and we just need to ride it out and being there for him is the best thing I can do, but can anyone give me any suggestions on how to help ease his mental/physical turmoil/what helps you when you're down? Thank you!",3.1483161512027493,4.5216684020618585,4.23441237113402,87.7396254295533,73.74226804123711,8.266116838487973,24.78900343642612,8.841846274778883,1.5737935395189004,746,23,163,15,15,243,120,194,0.11800000000000001,0.728,0.154,0.7272,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,2,2,0,2,12,9,0,1,7,0,22,4,0,5,1,27,35,17,1,1,5,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,9,10,1,0,4,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,9,0,21,5,22,23,6,18,0,2,0,0,28,6,0,2,11,107,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845328782432616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123140680423023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193447269323435,0.12804344347393634,0.0,0.0,0.3646829904050307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18673830601388555,0.0,0.0,0.146945552556699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967750235117948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229291294693325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011618370264502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563997878413889,0.13888323872455755,0.0,0.1214320333243942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911228052071387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23869686966554915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707307028002355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699144676972355,0.19327947119796185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916950833720424,0.14590110956509025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642771348465137,0.10735027092207618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891738424589856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294976805435328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179949410461916,0.15103392925130174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561905601093365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15836248056431304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885424560280862,0.0,0.0,0.1332911603876601,0.0,0.0,0.0961833697606949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834057608619346,0.0,0.1965880857141788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194561426350159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BokuNoTaco,2020/03/03,"I really feel like no one likes me. This situation is stressing me out so much and it makes me feel really lonely. I lost all of my close friends the last year of high school, for no real reason. Since then, I was not able to create a strong bound with anyone else in terms of friendship. I have an amazing boyfriend, and our relationship helped me to work hard on myself, and I always try to improve but I really feel like his friends hate me and I tried to talk to them, to solve any beef that could have went on, but nothing really seems to work. I always feel like they just don't like me, and this pretty much happens in every new environment that I try to get into.",5.324166666666667,5.311962925925926,5.763101851851853,83.80020833333336,67.8888888888889,8.824074074074074,25.76388888888889,8.472884824447931,1.4140555555555558,525,12,111,7,8,169,88,135,0.106,0.659,0.235,0.9691,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,2,4,2,13,1,1,3,0,6,0,0,2,1,24,17,9,0,1,4,0,5,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,6,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,3,5,21,9,19,13,4,14,0,2,0,0,9,8,0,1,10,71,26,3,0.1286325836247254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21406522823439889,0.0,0.0,0.08747456786405848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994289332694873,0.1317992830189862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270265109575108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074560178458408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083784995816712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26016199702938864,0.275685430330528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19876243004308566,0.0,0.06720521582981867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374936888371352,0.0,0.11522952891343068,0.12699804544337334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621970934516197,0.13590738701843172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485272401638644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142169143813505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041766020036514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586324841788576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18911949923787985,0.0,0.0,0.12423415082512322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234264332278891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716476770154402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308655817949146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641204142138392,0.3296213075821965,0.13225571969276748,0.0,0.13810325541238833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301830419941086,0.0,0.11710227302997625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064062024268146,0.14458841348817386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734818993798893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338999820188713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26199924184992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924369373482953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872921057709541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283516646940718 bpd,monalovescats,2020/03/03,"DAE feel awful about their unfulfilled hopes and dreams? I wanted to be a singer and took several singing and piano classes, but I’d always give up and feel hopeless about it. Then a few years later I’d start up again, then I’d give up, and so on. My reasoning would always be that I’ll never be good enough, and I wanted to be the best. I wanted to get on stage and unrealistically make every single person in the audience fall in love with my voice. But when people ask me about it I say it’s stupid and I am perfectly fine having my cat as the only audience member. But I’m not. I’m sorry for how inarticulate this sounds, but I’m just feeling very down about it and wondering if anyone else here feels the same way. I think the reason why I am thinking about this now is because my FP (he’s kind of like a friend with benefits but with feelings? It’s pretty fucked up) has an ex who is also his best friend, and she’s a singer. Her existence in his life continues to bring up my jealousy and insecurity issues. Sorry for the mini vent, and thank you for reading.",3.5835080645161312,4.778358949308757,5.03393721198157,83.12804867511522,72.41013824884793,7.8213133640553,23.700748847926267,8.278499904357787,1.2749080645161288,840,22,172,13,16,282,130,217,0.11699999999999999,0.669,0.215,0.9801,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,1,1,3,13,17,2,1,11,1,11,3,0,4,2,43,37,25,0,6,8,1,5,1,2,1,1,3,0,1,9,15,0,0,10,3,0,3,2,4,0,0,1,8,19,13,28,31,6,26,0,1,0,2,17,11,1,3,11,114,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349860393986957,0.21537868822147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090494764326647,0.1326079761729278,0.0,0.0,0.12099195587398745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788943564163808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716404865548717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811534575712574,0.0,0.0,0.13372736414282266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904348765018396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271978715753397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999819952239789,0.11964841167425885,0.06761757314091964,0.24830645654477054,0.0,0.1085529045214987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285450959182463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135082782963362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477293722798225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914144776881648,0.06322897688208308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680826949191453,0.0,0.08639008755980074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981810667532692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843114628507844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972481267853874,0.11300616438794775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166854595116795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945686995555056,0.0,0.0,0.26613442689556194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292144700170404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620984815537852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28975432261561096,0.09160544912988353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915424794435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585658690852656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379243358194735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067865775690708,0.2290090749268398,0.1027290377128622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678308624516508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035247183429128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919375665061833,0.0,0.0,0.083343425926477 bpd,LifeisG00D123,2020/03/03,"Cant stop thinking about BPD. I was diagnosed 2 years ago. I rejected the diagnosis. This caused my doctor to eventually fire me bc I was unable to be honest with him about everything (unintentionally). My mom has BPD, so I always looked at hers and said ""well I dont do that so I must not be"". It was always based on behaviors and not thought process. She lashes out very easily and quickly to anything and everything around her, this has caused severly traumatizing events. Although she is un-diagnosed, it is blately obvious she has it to any family member who knows what BPD is. All the other family members who dont know what it is knows that clearly something serious is up. She doesnt know. Every relationship she has is majorly suffering. I've always had a hate for BPD. Mostly because hers ruined my childhood. It sucks to think I may be something i despise so much. Luckily I act in towards myself and not out at others. I'd rather feel my pain than cause they'res. keeping to myself is gonna cause me to end up dead though. I didnt realize that BPD isnt just about the external things. It's also internal. I came across ""quiet"" BPD. Upon reading about it, I can identify 100% with it. In fact when reading about it, it surprises me to realize that the way I'm thinking and feeling on the inside is not normal. Someone disagreeing with me when I know that I'm definatly right can cause me to want to kill myself or go get high. I feel like I'm taking on a whole new problem ontop of the Autism, drug addiction, and recent sex addiction. I'm trying to remind myself that nothing has changed. Realizing I may have it can actually be a good thing because now i understand why I am the way I am things are making more sense. At the same time it just feels awful. But that's nothing new. I've felt awful my whole life. My thoughts have been ruminating for about 5 days. I'm spending about 12-14 hours a day thinking about my possible/ probable BPD or what to do about my moms. Anything I do to distract myself doesnt stop the thoughts. Ill just be doing something and thinking about this. I'm mentally exhausted. I just want to sleep but I know I'll lay in bed thinking about this. No idea how to stop the thoughts. Godamn I could really use some klonipin. I just want my head to stop.",2.902097783434087,5.134306356347442,4.373940502704425,82.74452301410544,76.75055679287306,7.750578004030122,26.948828083571964,8.634040054169528,2.1747416056845896,1810,73,347,39,42,601,222,449,0.091,0.8420000000000001,0.067,-0.9059999999999999,0,1,4,0,0,1,55.0,0,0,0,0,29,17,4,1,14,2,46,12,2,8,5,84,89,21,2,8,14,2,6,1,0,4,9,2,1,0,33,15,0,5,26,2,1,3,12,12,1,0,13,9,51,5,51,66,9,44,0,3,1,1,15,19,1,6,21,238,84,3,0.0,0.0,0.059514187377488585,0.132968933125116,0.0,0.0,0.05406099858848051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04877101377788021,0.15223737187045272,0.0,0.0,0.04147302336135282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037365740029766,0.0542910615637237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435380956473121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5376739853157643,0.0,0.0,0.06975249745711985,0.0,0.3132505213129239,0.06451580477712561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048692889283961226,0.0,0.0,0.07866270694374684,0.0,0.0,0.12380036195246455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06242243561218992,0.0,0.0,0.14295183379681364,0.0,0.07072516914160826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054016083179758034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051383895396936656,0.0,0.1096217636940416,0.0,0.11498559973062596,0.0,0.12334676059565093,0.043568885493099584,0.05855676215959715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03186301520741818,0.0,0.0346601270236112,0.05115272091131552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060211705346226364,0.0625899127010545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443575972338993,0.0,0.0,0.06005957996441979,0.0,0.0,0.06884652119618558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054207749810207116,0.06747270863522223,0.0,0.2011000560912728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043076684912749436,0.02979500384825413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051213438517731184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04070907229917009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06146021386545503,0.0,0.0,0.1428536893686133,0.0,0.0,0.044832215817110735,0.0,0.0,0.1178026017220296,0.0,0.0,0.059753982773708025,0.11703669932096772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489411118845198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875330110662405,0.0,0.0,0.06575393955708136,0.058356001750145436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220063372431874,0.0,0.039069619100607716,0.0,0.06021697396837278,0.06547685433436927,0.0,0.05208227848296449,0.058012283996251274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889757201933451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103070860390795,0.0,0.05167380314531325,0.14085154222251914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203950330179064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04585438201843635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155049046741892,0.2344667534829977,0.059919088484401084,0.19366639818416265,0.03556181466564351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041405942104928234,0.0,0.0,0.06348926882955498,0.0,0.05267289718589328,0.0,0.05032038547050947,0.10791454496338382,0.0968167515881315,0.0,0.0,0.054834335826815656,0.0,0.05503097908060052,0.1361788664992509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03927341258165643 bpd,spicybwah,2020/03/03,"Haven't felt this way before and it's freaking me out I haven't had suicide idealization in a long time. I love my job as a receptionist, and usually even when I'm feeling sad, or empty, I can summon up a lot of energy to do my job well as a receptionist; be chatty, smiley and bubbly. No one would be able to tell I have any mental health issues. My life is genuinely too unbearable for me at the moment and the dark thoughts keep creeping back in. This morning was the first time since starting my job in July that I actually couldn't get out of bed. As soon as I heard my alarm and opened my eyes, I cried. I'm too tired for this shit. Please tell me things will get better, right now I don't see there being a light at the end of the tunnel.",3.2328321678321643,4.049280628205132,4.6909090909090905,86.69045454545454,72.84615384615384,7.724009324009327,23.156177156177158,8.00094639256281,0.94844358974359,582,14,129,8,11,195,100,156,0.145,0.725,0.13,-0.3274,3,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,3,9,8,1,1,10,0,15,6,2,0,0,17,27,11,1,3,1,0,2,0,0,2,3,1,1,0,6,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,4,1,2,5,6,17,4,19,16,1,23,0,1,2,1,4,10,1,2,12,86,23,3,0.15417850035126338,0.0,0.1504559758267779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484666724491548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185537498992555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119454801579844,0.0,0.0,0.13635835437775876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935784297122836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655638870782902,0.0,0.0,0.1018334453899415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795728232319916,0.0,0.14803553875476794,0.0,0.0,0.1311441536366612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16110380590120948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638845361616824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092229753477294,0.4589951143972544,0.137040935186381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890083439804928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644312109640475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310770475232962,0.13915211609756414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553756651837815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447534200896744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924169445097745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316675968829652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286030322222465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826201500598772,0.12753804872722624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091283361010105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864625520107218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26951760999897895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242934478519804,0.0,0.0,0.1224005073732938,0.17980544685095556,0.17720550558014214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16980583596245588,0.0,0.0,0.12237971716035692,0.0,0.0,0.13862498790931055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952398305225723,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,miaheemiaha,2020/03/03,"NC mother trying to regain contact and telling me I make her depressed... again My mom is at it again with the attempts to regain contact/accusations that I’m making her depressed Hello. I posted on here a couple of weeks ago about my uBPD mother and the manipulative texts she sent me. I’ve been pretty quiet since a huge argument between her and my brother that she dragged me into over Christmas, and I’m currently going through the most important four months of my college career, I have decided to keep contact very limited/NC. She can’t handle it. She has sent me a string of texts, claiming that I am making her depressed by not talking, that she has forgiven things that shouldn’t be forgiven, that I am abusive to her, that I have neglected her despite her helping me financially (which I’ve told her not to many times before, but she sends me a monthly allowance), to give her a break, that she is a “good supportive mother” to me, sarcastically pointing out that her partner has given me help for my resumé (even though they always offer to help). The list goes on. I am replying to the nice, normal messages she sends to me. But anytime she sends a message that has an emotional or angry element to it, I am ignoring her. It’s best that way. Maybe she will realise that she won’t get a reply to those angry messages. I’ve been replying my whole life and feeding her angry nature, but 2020 marked the end of that. Honestly. The thing is, I feel really bad for her. She doesn’t have a relationship with any of her four siblings or their families, she doesn’t live with her partner, and she works a lot. She is always claiming she has really bad health (although I discovered this is a BPD trait, so maybe she is ok). I feel guilty that she is upset about me not contacting her much, but it’s what’s best for me right now. It won’t be forever but I’m angry at her. When o got diagnosed with OCD recently the doc tore apart my past to uncover trauma and he basically told me all the uncertainty, anger, physical abuse, blaming etc was the cause of my OCD. So yeah, I am mad that she gave me this kind of childhood (my parents are divorced) and I’m not quite over that yet. It’s honestly like a realisation. I took all that shouting (every single day) as normal... she would blame me for it to this day, claiming I was a difficult teenager and yeah, I was. But maybe there was a reason for that. Not blaming her but that’s what my doc and therapist have suggested. Anyway. Another rant. Please give me your thoughts, support and similar stories. It really helped me last time.",4.4681967567567575,5.9054517440000005,5.445070270270271,80.0931837837838,70.56,8.605405405405406,29.71351351351351,9.068930737419137,2.52877945945946,2032,81,383,40,37,668,235,500,0.17,0.722,0.10800000000000001,-0.9897,2,0,0,0,2,0,70.0,0,1,2,5,14,23,2,1,25,3,38,4,0,7,2,53,63,26,0,4,14,6,2,1,2,5,3,2,0,2,37,17,1,3,5,0,0,7,11,12,0,2,15,4,82,11,44,41,10,41,0,4,0,0,77,12,0,4,20,276,119,3,0.0,0.21888132416258055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187842406949833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371471015694374,0.0,0.0,0.06281322733369991,0.09685562400690964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542464013121798,0.0,0.0,0.07859813941637701,0.0,0.1938684788289602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633392894871301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488710787342453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022031420926227,0.0,0.11913909557281455,0.0,0.2386685848377491,0.09375130686229326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039012696982266,0.08181039715585163,0.0,0.10301444101198977,0.061008017932611076,0.0,0.0778238006604194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870760801913482,0.0,0.09340780447405213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048258329283650536,0.1772150964102322,0.052494712506968536,0.07747367389506275,0.07387491576099177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818258316552196,0.0,0.0,0.2476485833989885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210068705166618,0.0,0.0961867822395537,0.0,0.07529203231314377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524206298227378,0.04512620972487025,0.0,0.08156240240202181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852774533193632,0.0,0.0,0.18496854140043,0.09364638576338301,0.27838741510826337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817997505976573,0.1474540899309295,0.0,0.06790091331074387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18100153786022316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025634389111834,0.0,0.08817545483772463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139203569587336,0.08731736561708324,0.0,0.08846275748340822,0.09397119345837136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824445611238193,0.0,0.0,0.17751940906442898,0.09496941556949656,0.09120199514433253,0.09916837990241316,0.0,0.07888154113828283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640754502655166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096356225057605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424168669433713,0.08073347180295004,0.0,0.0,0.10724605976383313,0.12273003784861053,0.0,0.09075083081852263,0.07332966414124872,0.10772073834740108,0.0,0.0,0.17652265855625435,0.10262395241298196,0.06271162899656121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621305503914483,0.0,0.0733172088061786,0.0740918256098063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312527766463754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724481129121458,0.0,0.0,0.06561538889818506,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hdnuser,2020/03/03,"Caring too much about people that mean too little I just feel very hurt and misunderstood by everyone around me. I was recently diagnosed with BPD about 2 months ago and since then it has felt so amazing internally to be able to know how to try to manage my life now and DBT has been honestly life changing and ive made such rapid progress but externally its awful. I felt like I was going crazy and all my friends saw me as sane and now that I have a diagnosis, I actually feel same again but my friends all treat me life I'm not. Two of my boyfriends friends have been the absolute worst about it and it hurts me so much more than it should considering theyre not even my friends. I resent that fact that my boyfriend told them considering it's a new, sensitive subject for me and I feel he just opened up my wounds for them to rub salt in. I hate that they think so much less of me now (especially when they themselves need a lot of therapy and refuse it). I just hate how much this hurts when these people mean nothing to me, so why should their opinions mean this much? The one told my boyfriend he wants to stay away from me because he's scared I'll make my boyfriend block him (??? no clue why) and when I messaged him to try to reassure him that he has nothing to worry about, he told me something along the lines of ""I really appreciate you saying that but i still dont believe or trust you"" and this was all the exact same time he learned about my bpd. Then another friend essentially keeps telling my boyfriend that I shouldnt need extra time to resolve conflict and I should be able to fix things in an hour and demanded a justification for why I need so long to resolve issues in my relationship (which is bc I get very angry very fast and have since made a lot of progress in slowing myself down and walking away often when I need to). idk this is way too long of a rant but I just wanted to complain to people who hopefully understand that I'm trying so hard to make progress but everyone seems to care more about the label now than who I am or how far I've come.",5.537524038461537,5.7002358966346165,5.592869230769232,84.60213076923078,67.4375,9.156,30.101538461538464,8.954980946260402,2.0877608846153843,1647,56,353,26,25,518,199,416,0.156,0.701,0.142,-0.7749,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,5,5,36,25,3,1,12,1,22,5,0,8,5,82,59,38,0,11,13,0,7,1,5,4,5,1,0,0,25,20,0,4,16,0,0,3,5,9,0,2,13,10,53,16,49,40,17,40,0,3,1,0,33,12,0,8,24,235,78,2,0.15000577956413882,0.0,0.07319200113037715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648553637639126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864706955893076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676847344209044,0.0,0.0,0.14093536778881618,0.0,0.0,0.045721065459495336,0.0,0.0,0.08450257271793157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18892702815977794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294088962677774,0.0,0.07934311236114927,0.06460834833752642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612635433037357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790282823220992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04953870133195637,0.0,0.0,0.1433369507299929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377114397549652,0.0,0.1440290724291267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28973523296457193,0.0,0.039185914281015734,0.0,0.04262587070542335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671878571758126,0.14809965152712146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449479293496034,0.07386273825371166,0.0,0.2408764342751064,0.0,0.0,0.07828353056995507,0.0,0.06666601461292282,0.0,0.0,0.04121962672920245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589302774561334,0.03664262340521993,0.07517259952777093,0.0,0.13275039450766507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752954952799034,0.0,0.14193909561160195,0.10013002267303063,0.0,0.0,0.2451004044697673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05986659105474005,0.0,0.2756787696646317,0.22245476966095534,0.0,0.07243825832411126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439345911700384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050823899206374534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599268009104386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0480487717531489,0.0,0.07405630524375005,0.08052503457801438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059645308350266914,0.07509097703176414,0.0,0.0,0.06827981394605886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408633097240995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774088886389619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799431010556564,0.05989740466514304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555583155571452,0.0,0.08577234103245604,0.0,0.04982858725354597,0.04805882328839644,0.0,0.0,0.08746957637837376,0.0,0.0,0.21500542609498927,0.0,0.15276611652911007,0.0,0.07326692497094865,0.07808065338210958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18565571702479464,0.0884772953026631,0.05953380281185141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030353262252529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616907530060031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kelliebillie,2020/03/03,"I have a new FP. I'm romantically pursuing him I wanted to buy him a gift since I work and I inherited some money from my grandmother who was a jeweler. Bless her. He is perfect and attractive, and I am smitten by him, but he couldn't accept a gift as he said it would make him feel bad and I don't want that.",1.0249751243781091,2.6117416716417914,4.087388059701496,85.64710199004975,80.044776119403,8.048756218905472,23.106965174129357,8.841846274778883,1.54042487562189,240,8,56,6,6,87,48,67,0.131,0.664,0.205,0.4662,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,1,1,14,13,6,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,12,4,4,9,1,1,1,0,0,0,10,0,0,1,1,36,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33143478546204513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20070870615438816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26496570126220115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833746043928603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3775882043669674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32835927552440125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4682601275784457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889826850304551,0.0,0.0,0.2819802881295668,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,blebbers,2020/03/03,I’m newer to the bpd community... I read definitions/explanations of bpd but I still don’t feel I understand the true impact this illness has. I’m on the waiting list for DBT and have no one to turn to. Please message me if you want to mentor/support a newer member.,2.286666666666669,4.32572025925926,4.792370370370372,79.9396666666667,77.8888888888889,7.282962962962964,25.61481481481481,8.238735603445708,1.8027970370370368,210,8,41,4,5,74,42,54,0.11699999999999999,0.735,0.149,0.1901,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,0,1,8,10,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,5,1,7,10,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,26,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6779353939515369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360833793213111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18237369457528035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29543079256496924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26920909135337084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21493256430200602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054126375985574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927429656518269,0.0,0.28018033748896537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874353879120445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kanalissmolloy,2020/03/03,"Borderline personality disorder and love Ugh, I'm so mad Reddit!!! I keep seeing posts about how people with BPD aren't able to love bla bla bla they're cheaters there this and that. 1. I fucking love my hubby, he's the absolute structure of my life, he's been there thru absolutely everything with me. 2. Never have I cheated OR ever wanted to. I actually really adore all the things he's done for me. 3. I'm fucking nuts but I know my boundaries, people go on about BPD like were such horrible people can't be around us we push ppl away we just wanna kill ourselves. I for one only feel that way when something really distresses me and my Hub knows this, he'll see me lose my shit and he'll be like okay something has stressed her out, he understands this, I warned him well in advance hey man I'm not all you think I am I have a deeply troubled past that's absolutely defined me as a person today amongst people but he said he doesn't care, we've been inseparable, I love him, he loves me. Can we PLEASE stop with this stigma around BPD. We are not all evil bad people who switch up, maybe if you asked the person hey something stressing you? Here tell me what's wrong. Maybe questions to actually help find the route case is all you need. I know from my experience some people will just call u crazy or emotional even fucking bipolar and you go 100x more hystic from it. P.s I'm sorry I got upset, I just look at posts were people shut us down alot and because I can speak from experience I can say we're human still, we aren't that bad once you know us and understand how some of our triggers are.",0.8012628698970374,3.324639272445822,2.39092807257542,91.29986176110592,89.71207430340557,5.357592339261287,19.276333789329687,6.926510163978652,0.382492173662611,1267,38,263,19,43,412,184,323,0.17800000000000002,0.6709999999999999,0.151,-0.8788,0,0,3,0,0,0,32.0,9,6,0,2,20,29,8,4,7,1,22,11,1,3,6,55,56,17,1,4,10,0,1,2,0,3,2,3,0,5,12,18,0,2,10,0,0,4,7,18,1,1,7,7,46,11,27,44,8,24,0,1,3,8,48,10,4,7,9,152,58,0,0.07711494962075019,0.0,0.15050613372927016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729730896241046,0.07209206814239587,0.0,0.07245203363760708,0.0,0.12877552367945774,0.04700855753372447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29137073853164314,0.0,0.07874298553103085,0.0,0.07862383058033336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838041319129923,0.0,0.0,0.0789153672006717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867439389348864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05093369693609428,0.06975488684615325,0.0,0.0,0.06930594431847427,0.15086643585556536,0.0,0.0,0.038991635573233416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048166689826034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138745849319205,0.0,0.0,0.08765240596836743,0.0,0.06167586979642775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0516885252174152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854331044083001,0.08531626622503476,0.0,0.16952143832561925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05446856947713472,0.07534893831627225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475713578507968,0.08627190338543499,0.0,0.0,0.34799626400687417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494466369550847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571797580238076,0.059475803133369524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212490458640527,0.05225508561360289,0.058649394119296414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736149451514351,0.3742325747254837,0.20200139863971509,0.0,0.08464905749883031,0.0,0.0,0.14770961039147726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638639216054353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880362273638173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335397623510857,0.061324903105860536,0.0,0.0,0.12290126148310675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915738761409705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810056714086128,0.0,0.08632387260651511,0.0,0.0,0.061584098380572425,0.06447155086181554,0.1766698284927028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740186494752723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05123174596199316,0.049412145951784586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309595542608373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055876431993407,0.2782793684413479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04548439526576899,0.061210257603502814,0.0,0.0,0.06933560084219609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431309170269095,0.0,0.0 bpd,neoncaffeine,2020/03/03,"Feeling conflicted Started talking with a some people who are hard to be in consistant contact with and I often wonder if they dislike me. I overthink things a lot and it's starting to drain me. Things feel unresolved and uncertain and I'm not a fan. There are other factors that complicate this as well and make it worse. I really do enjoy these people and think they're good people but I'm being ""aquaintance-zoned"" for lack of better terms, and I very much dislike aquaintance type relationships. I'd rather know if we're close, or we're neutral, or if we don't get on well all together. I feel very inbetween and it makes me uncomfortable. I'm a Youtuber so I'm sure people will see this, possibly even them, but it's nothing I haven't complained about on Twitter before. I just wish people would communicate clearly with me. I want to ask them but I'm worried they'd either 1) not see my messages 2) ignore them or 3) be irritated. I'm not sure how to proceed, any suggestions?",3.4495588235294115,5.588880500000003,4.670955882352942,81.69022058823529,74.72916666666666,7.434313725490195,28.481617647058826,8.313332769828598,2.2010327205882354,784,33,144,14,17,258,116,192,0.152,0.705,0.14400000000000002,-0.1414,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,5,1,10,10,0,1,4,0,11,0,0,3,4,52,33,20,0,8,15,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,12,13,0,2,6,0,0,0,5,3,2,0,0,6,19,7,14,27,7,8,0,0,2,0,14,4,0,12,4,94,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737299390075743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338617861661758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184274674095068,0.0,0.0,0.12663846699225165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945745603308984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172010091206199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481000742142342,0.0,0.0,0.12009960156283625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282686441333631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869257711855558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173362191094507,0.0,0.0,0.191158682315235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525991894251344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373930917677572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4963438933528706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614233597339035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173012898629188,0.0,0.0,0.15373071025447785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22820516608997016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20269891422950906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26990666659537765,0.0,0.0,0.11508937866326018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19025596572811132,0.09174931841801147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362907832791215,0.08445620371076014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574870609984118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465954568481225,0.0,0.15528166675926414,0.0,0.1454147285592737,0.1459211702093087,0.1017169015856466,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Gnartastical,2020/03/03,"Has anyone here ever dealt with obsessive thoughts about a partner’s past? Hey everyone, New to this subreddit, but really, really need some advice/guidance. I’ve always been very insecure about my partners’ sexual histories, but it’s starting to get in the way of my relationship. Has anyone else experienced this? And if so, how did you get over it/get better at dealing with it? Thanks in advance for the help :)",4.651142857142858,7.309060933333335,5.737904761904763,73.00800000000002,73.0,9.619047619047619,29.380952380952376,9.957137785484203,3.6066952380952384,330,14,53,10,7,109,59,75,0.065,0.75,0.185,0.9042,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,2,6,4,0,2,3,0,4,0,0,1,1,11,10,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,1,3,2,12,7,1,10,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,4,35,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891293594983013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.317862773821878,0.23289269523419576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20102577548408365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23433328479854235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18987752468764685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056032007180113,0.0,0.21719207820510344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562599922371574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235242583839514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853788741576253,0.0,0.21952491366456514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21698075974515865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29122462949354244,0.0,0.0,0.24403197526480025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088202656962813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20926459141624806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18044847363144093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187543876187846,0.0,0.1804178237405913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,msauce22,2020/03/03,"Faking everything I think one of the hardest things I face on a day to day basis is constantly feeling like I’m being someone I’m not. That I’m lying and faking my music taste, style, etc. I feel like i constantly have to prove myself. But i don’t even understand why because if I’m “faking” who I am, who even is the “real” me then. Does anyone else struggle with this heavily as well?",3.0990295358649784,4.3550374050632925,5.079177215189876,82.09868143459916,73.68354430379749,7.79831223628692,25.824894514767927,8.344100000000001,1.7507704641350212,301,10,59,5,6,104,57,79,0.134,0.7240000000000001,0.142,-0.0834,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,3,0,6,2,1,0,1,11,14,5,0,1,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,5,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,0,3,9,3,6,13,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,7,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408394002324603,0.20638130801492235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278537793967345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4353326560168872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598018920183796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17626631843157234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826277813593868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22463949849085155,0.2660755214059268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18102569006727834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20369068788851052,0.2877927628992993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968098651374129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648920054041644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22926307279932145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066475775538856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21057068738966425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381625858099955,0.1290635010688762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20968808226466876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18110315229255394,0.0,0.18175261239087592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,justduck,2020/03/03,"Need to sob on someone's shoulder :::looks around:: Oh yeah... 8 years ago, my ex (who was my FP for the only reason that he had isolated me from everyone else) left me. Life has been so fucked up, and I haven't been able to hold a job (eventually went out on disability) and I've tried online dating, but never really went past the 1st day. AND THEN I met a guy on OKCupid, and we just hit it off like crazy. Our first date was something like 4 hours because we couldn't stop talking. It got better, because I was crushing hard on him and the feelings were mutual!! (Do you know how rare that is? Of course you do, you're on the BPD sub with me) As usual, I started overthinking things. Planning out future dates, thinking through ""what if"" scenarios, the whole 9 yards. I kept getting this nervous, hinky feeling like he was too good to be true (single, attractive, financially stable...), so just in case I went online to do background check stuff. He was clear! This weekend I learned it was his future, not his past, that got my hackles up. So I already knew he had 5 kids (long story) but I was working my head around how dating would work and how we might have a future. He came over Thursday and we were talking about stuff and he said something to the effect of ""it's so nice to be able to delete the dating app off my phone"". And before we had sex, he swore up and down he was ""fixed"" and they checked him a full 3 months afterwards for zero sperm count, and he didn't want more kids. I mean, at a previous date he had mentioned not wanting to date women who wanted children (to get pregnant). Freaking 20 minutes after (so-so) sex he's getting dressed because it's late and he doesn't want to pay the babysitter overtime - and he drops this bombshell on me that he may be the foster parent to a 6 month old baby boy this week, that his kids are excited, and they are all hoping to adopt him. &#x200B; What The Fuck &#x200B; Sure enough, he messages today in 7th heaven about this baby, and how it looks like it might not be so difficult for the adoption to go through because the mother isn't interested in custody and the father is nowhere to be found. I'm still in shock and thinking, ""What happened to 'no more kids'??"" Not only that, but his time was limited as it was with five kids because of karate, swim class, music class, etc. At least there were times when the kids were with their mom, but he's the sole foster dad to a baby now! He literally bitched to me a couple weeks ago about going on dates with people who brought along their kids to the date. Now he wants to do the same?? I'm child free. I mean, I'm open to dating single dads, and I love kids - but with my disorder and all the meds I take, I'm not having children. Plus, I just have a real hard time with feces (from people of any age) and I will love and cherish your kid until it poops out one of those nuclear diapers. &#x200B; It has been SO LONG since I had someone in my life, I really just let my guard down and started thinking too hard, I guess. My close friends that I normally talk to about these things are all married, with kids, and don't have time to listen to me. They kind of patted me on the head and said ""there are more fish in the sea"", and I'm over here going ""IT TOOK ME EIGHT GODDAMN YEARS TO GET LAID!!"" I mean, yeah, a lot of that is my fault because I had a lot of anxiety, depression, and insecurities to get through - but still. When I put in my ""requirements"" into online dating sites, the pickings are ridiculously slim. (32-42, single, Christian, doesn't want to have (more) kids, lives within 30 minutes of me, isn't Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons) I am just so disappointed, and miserable, and dammit the sex wasn't even that good! I hate that I barely get a smile from someone and I start planning out the next 5 years.",5.02189478974703,5.276355590551187,5.3048947339029455,85.90581420673483,68.55380577427822,8.007416094264814,28.548723962696148,7.616502295504843,1.5115356229407488,2968,94,620,29,47,941,340,762,0.11800000000000001,0.772,0.111,0.5041,2,0,2,0,1,0,147.0,6,3,5,9,34,36,5,3,36,2,63,13,4,7,7,122,123,55,0,12,17,7,5,4,1,5,2,3,1,18,38,54,0,6,14,5,4,11,16,15,0,5,39,10,67,22,96,71,18,108,2,4,2,7,80,39,4,8,61,396,105,9,0.12314248309270096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091583812694133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794539611230932,0.0,0.0,0.2001372434738332,0.2244473933611173,0.04187055561935634,0.0,0.04710183125505901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962291767501577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251995441783164,0.0,0.052392591619722616,0.0,0.0,0.05445475961387534,0.0,0.0,0.07754682332413787,0.0,0.0,0.07042109756311919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812740766730592,0.0,0.039708357135671384,0.0,0.053031220122647625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056597709432319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05143487166282388,0.0,0.0,0.06361955154770857,0.06866820994684518,0.04066722434915551,0.0,0.0,0.058833959875127274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06226453946929186,0.043986507263228565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05237246660564239,0.0,0.06750968833788558,0.04756978848464198,0.11384324132766535,0.193010594692137,0.0,0.10497706644182768,0.10328607236261952,0.09848829300914927,0.0,0.06782766416645565,0.12193041869538633,0.054447245557289865,0.0,0.16546721580356882,0.06078885389351151,0.12637971426034353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06115413556825827,0.06063527034102849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061099956636326475,0.0,0.0,0.06411697323260149,0.033837944126799,0.0,0.06945504231879443,0.0,0.06689733409513116,0.06296076606038717,0.08697917756425319,0.12032239414402485,0.0,0.05436853432286486,0.10897722246908398,0.10340867157099412,0.0,0.0,0.10469133550854648,0.11114089879469656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012073968158493,0.06839176911517755,0.0,0.0,0.1306347145161167,0.0,0.07211149394659988,0.09829115515677622,0.0,0.0,0.045654295440250084,0.04748753722718516,0.0,0.06548171389504963,0.0,0.06032674390302736,0.0,0.0,0.06460866060524408,0.0,0.04172226674806285,0.09365540740480813,0.0,0.0,0.06836757727204344,0.0,0.11755343397438273,0.08537149269186674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189610384510906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008155253998571,0.07888822791267569,0.06330549098544698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713670076604235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05093236726679523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650733946797554,0.09480109968215786,0.0,0.0,0.1307413250158438,0.0,0.09834174606746113,0.051476314910442765,0.0,0.0,0.14096868156018724,0.0,0.0,0.05803016649172231,0.0,0.046293911007300265,0.1484658950333368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181039398924424,0.11835709633539886,0.0,0.0,0.14361074435394128,0.0,0.0583623376496331,0.0,0.06840791485777709,0.04180283136752956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781202384382035,0.0,0.21789788111939107,0.0,0.09877747209688904,0.0,0.0,0.17123147330801894,0.0,0.06874209235070095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964919431138148,0.0,0.0,0.04373844342930573,0.0,0.2244473933611173,0.11894958259019985 bpd,reallifekittykat,2020/03/03,"Forgetting emotions I don't know if I have bpd but I was wondering if anyone else experiences this. I have really bad anxiety and ocd and just emotional instability in general and when something triggers me I get suicidal, nearly cry, want to scream in a super short span of time. But if I hear an upbeat song, play my favorite game, I start to feel happier and then the sadness feels kind of blank. I know it's there but I cant feel it anymore. Afterwards I struggle to remember what I was feeling and it feels buried",2.4206120612061213,5.0201700891089125,4.347344734473449,80.24812781278129,80.78217821782178,8.425202520252027,27.993699369936987,9.095868883498916,2.9061405940594067,413,19,77,12,11,140,72,101,0.23199999999999998,0.5870000000000001,0.18100000000000002,-0.8503,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,0,1,3,0,6,0,0,1,0,25,18,13,1,4,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,5,0,0,9,3,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,8,13,3,8,16,0,10,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,4,5,50,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856128481992866,0.0,0.17962882833880886,0.12664786759071073,0.1855855146182837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123307066539146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281224994270787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19895896681391226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130795793387647,0.4074858908557247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17717648278855394,0.0,0.0,0.4579150299310072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946311260510654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20414274128464754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18861538825881705,0.19908478668207372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116034280679625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051810279711896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944003687639073,0.0,0.0,0.12820227643349827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189352755628,0.0,0.1981230045398076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056163248933722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683310875943944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19642397437200876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yikesbikedyke,2020/03/03,"Anyone else never feel like they belong? I feel like my whole life I’ve never felt like I truly belonged in a community or identity. Every single one that I’ve joined or been a part of, I felt like a visitor or observer, and like I really wasn’t supposed to be there. Even if the other people in it were welcoming and accepting and did their best to make me feel at home, it just felt like a lie. For my whole life I’ve felt like I’ve been just desperately trying to find a place I belong. Where I’m supposed to be. I’ve just been throwing my identity at whatever shows up and seeing what sticks, and almost nothing does. I’m starting to lose hope that I’ll ever find where I’m supposed to be and that I’ll just keep drifting between identities, communities, and never really figure out who I am. I’m so easily malleable I can make myself “fit” anywhere but in my heart I know I don’t belong. Anyone else feel like this?",4.039492635024551,4.9220517872340475,5.678723404255319,80.10653846153849,71.02127659574468,8.763338788870701,26.16366612111293,9.057496981413335,1.9970117839607204,728,22,144,14,13,249,99,188,0.11,0.821,0.069,-0.4862,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,2,10,13,0,0,6,0,12,3,1,2,4,39,31,13,0,2,9,0,8,8,0,0,2,0,1,0,9,8,0,1,13,1,0,2,5,1,0,1,10,9,17,12,16,18,5,18,0,1,1,0,4,11,0,6,13,91,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987781228654883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345023276533426,0.22486079677301068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515388818483195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960246477454798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833291140695348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247501520438683,0.0992562250311082,0.09245147322040967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219292571328282,0.2351714064859626,0.4214284562781233,0.0,0.20058076233857816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300294751067039,0.0,0.0,0.11006720298267277,0.10898572440222837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753223828600206,0.0,0.0,0.06030422666714101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550097730376629,0.42886464392780776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275876061805957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649001125433628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25388946781886285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528800112848834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435525697465338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882588872267105,0.0,0.07607232027617747,0.0,0.11464352247801662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405905027677905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743986133386608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766679982067448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449883505538626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24501717380679175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,heywhatsupyellow,2020/03/03,"Does anyone else feel like they move on too quickly? I see so many posts about not knowing how to move on, but I find that I don’t struggle to start having feelings for someone else after a breakup. Is this just me? Is this bad?",2.2828723404255307,3.949501489361701,2.8010106382978712,95.90875,76.65957446808511,4.7,24.51595744680851,3.1291,0.031940425531914673,178,6,39,0,4,55,39,47,0.184,0.7809999999999999,0.035,-0.8565,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,9,3,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,3,5,1,7,9,0,8,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,4,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429525238477158,0.24075272283072416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19618866062705767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20562228485672807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39257161781686384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23761399807038905,0.16786135320446166,0.0,0.0,0.2147567089216647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913239636850707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147936103504921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382209093915779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4994680942239748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250346168001736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18723926093101828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19908782203223988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631172528710436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24563981508312455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thosefuckingworms,2020/03/03,"just like my father. i’m 13 and i was recently diagnosed with bpd, i had my suspicions before but i just wanted so badly for it not to be true. My dad has been diagnosed with bpd, depression, and bipolar but has never done anything about it (despite promising us he would, even when meds worked) He’s a really shitty person, very violent, and just all around an asshole.. but ive found myself relating SO MUCH to the things he describes happening to him and the things he thinks that make him act violently or do something crazy. I’m sure some people can relate to not wanting to be like their parents but honestly it feels so easy to just be happy that i finally have someone that understands how i feel and just embrace bpd like my dad has; just let it take over. i really need advice honestly, i feel really lost and me being so young i don’t know anyone irl that could relate or help.. or even take me seriously (also sry this is so long lol)",3.273145161290324,5.236681838709679,4.740524193548389,81.78078629032261,74.6989247311828,8.305913978494624,25.065860215053764,9.017664075816787,2.084076344086021,746,25,142,17,16,249,115,186,0.17600000000000002,0.667,0.157,-0.7424,1,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,1,2,18,15,2,0,4,1,20,3,0,2,4,43,37,21,0,5,15,4,3,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,11,9,0,0,7,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,6,3,20,9,12,24,3,9,0,2,0,0,14,2,0,4,9,101,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324748641106945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086178641556502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881892435625897,0.0,0.10378978834195912,0.1122776221272265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530876166608896,0.0,0.0,0.10732273376602523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4765485052404539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070021962805947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863092171160904,0.2560276011954133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906924171418638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666082000106542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19131714196434596,0.0,0.0,0.13816331980756907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828909935783382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115315554850073,0.13426196781815602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453865187209819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931477440682697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897093510183008,0.0,0.18485430678641288,0.0,0.0,0.11161629031925646,0.0,0.0,0.1376798852899328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418914099499268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009598306972487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271608330464516,0.093519782918411,0.09727505659633924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400464276906202,0.0,0.0,0.08743890785055511,0.1101271242533997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423959195318321,0.0,0.12453281358166668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686495302023774,0.0970968687306226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887093034055578,0.0,0.18965998559820266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675831422337221,0.08081554246906245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313001427760211,0.15171234848802992,0.0,0.0,0.10406599286187784,0.14878309802076578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182020125338856,0.0,0.0,0.08959528769973428,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ipoviged,2020/03/03,"How can I help my boyfriend who has BPD?(TW mention of suicidal thoughts) My boyfriend of two years is - if not the most - one of the most amazing people I’ve met in my entire life. Over the last year or so he has become increasingly more depressed, but also started having extreme bouts of anger, which leads to him taking it out on me because I’m the only one who he trusts with his emotions. He doesn’t hit me or anything, he’ll just text sometimes in the middle of the night that he hates me and that I should just leave him. It’s so hard because he truly doesn’t believe that he will get anywhere worthwhile in life - he insists that even if he’s done with High School, College is the same thing. Wake up, go to school, go home, do homework, sleep, wake up, etc. And after college, it’ll be wake up, go to work, go home, pay bills, sleep, wake up, and so on. - he doesn’t think anything will be worth it in the end. He refuses to ask his therapist about being referred to a psychiatrist to get medication, because he thinks that nothing will ever work for him - he went on one SSRI for a few months a year back and it didn’t work, but no matter how many times I remind him that there are hundreds of those out there, he still doesn’t believe that anything will work. He gets so angry at the universe that he screams and cries until he physically can’t anymore. I’m so worried about him. He fantasizes about taking his own life, and claims that he doesn’t care if he hurts other people with that and he wants everyone to suffer. He has a really hard time with empathy for others when he’s upset, but whenever I’m having a bad day he’ll come over and bring food and just sit with me until I’m okay. It just feels like he’s slowly losing himself to this and I just can’t bear to think that I could lose him. We’ve been through so much together, and he was the most supportive person out of everyone I know when I was going through my diagnosis of Bipolar 2 disorder. I just can’t lose him. I’m sorry this is so long, but if you read this far I just have a couple questions; I don’t know very much about BPD but I would love to know more. Is there any way I can help him through his panic attacks/suicidal thoughts/fits of anger? I’ve tried to be so consoling and I don’t get angry at him when he yells, I just try to help him through it but I’m not very good at it. Do you have any tips on how I can keep our relationship afloat? I try to keep planning things in advance so that he has things to look forward to because I’m constantly afraid that he will try to take his own life. Just in general, what can I do to help? I love him with my whole heart and soul but it’s so hard to see him go through this - I want to help in any way I can. Thank you so much everyone for reading and for future suggestions. TLDR: My boyfriend has BPD, I need advice on how to help him through it.",3.984163224918259,4.450674152684567,4.6646308724832215,88.8384830493891,70.89597315436242,7.723558767854072,27.36258819480296,7.61054688173877,1.2829106522113234,2249,72,500,24,39,722,243,596,0.146,0.753,0.102,-0.9843,0,0,0,0,1,0,64.0,1,3,0,10,39,24,3,3,16,1,50,16,7,5,1,79,100,48,1,10,24,0,4,1,0,10,6,2,3,1,37,24,1,3,10,2,3,13,14,14,0,4,8,8,54,10,77,76,15,66,1,6,2,2,70,28,0,10,25,316,91,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332422481329487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051822512767093036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322037076626297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426663843850956,0.0,0.0,0.15998073668706184,0.0,0.060581562835746734,0.0,0.0,0.04982910029741475,0.0541073566101886,0.15801193975581793,0.07156923811486701,0.0,0.14602038792541305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24484933169051465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607043819690972,0.0,0.0,0.05582159089378759,0.0,0.07002844981476254,0.0,0.051739500189130684,0.07170270176605606,0.07118247166992522,0.04179223291781653,0.0,0.05581427344650118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426924616203713,0.0,0.0,0.06631542692506028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289405787089066,0.05739575504745715,0.0,0.07227188509317707,0.04280142102867865,0.05861754516771165,0.0,0.1857646147014703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03276607651042309,0.046294898338533216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835940534218806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354264662124706,0.0,0.22097242637242065,0.05435323826917204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17415085694676494,0.06397902416472756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767912403258558,0.26061438261092884,0.06846736867375099,0.13000432447029708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937238564390194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519882770568653,0.0,0.0,0.10684123024093996,0.05282266305880328,0.0,0.06861646021089822,0.0,0.0,0.18308760724325696,0.031659214105203434,0.0,0.0,0.057348147753930774,0.05441775484756415,0.2174921681639458,0.0,0.0,0.1169735205426272,0.0,0.0,0.06569953459723989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528167211905539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05172471422121682,0.0,0.14291181769198846,0.04805021124945316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06081272933557584,0.0,0.06217971880184785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173549465947956,0.04928519942164264,0.0,0.07603173742348007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985174820831432,0.056583018261357414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259359843152784,0.0,0.12964001524034233,0.0,0.041514122381540265,0.0,0.0,0.06957360236852192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116712088758242,0.05163917950324965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296985414416465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064091300963392,0.07254106099726594,0.04586752261727815,0.0,0.05175133717007924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417667711453875,0.07353707631830758,0.0,0.0,0.1461701806158885,0.0,0.0,0.05966140894940876,0.0,0.075240663656522,0.12915564709772615,0.12456842071368172,0.0,0.051445923587749895,0.07557368411181742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17598649666284805,0.0,0.06330259814734507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069376507270078,0.0764443529181725,0.10287437058607912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007253998530032,0.0,0.0723496448106068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18870788316699771,0.06581005504080646,0.0,0.04603381623205452,0.0,0.0,0.12519200036661587 bpd,holographic-lemon,2020/03/03,"Waiting on FP... Does anyone make plans with their favorite person and end up waiting not really doing anything even if its hours.. Usually they'll say it'll be a bit but ends up taking forever and I find myself just waiting.. The more time passes the worse I feel too. I still kind of do stuff but it's like whats on the top of my mind is our plans. Thinking ohh we're going do stuff soon constantly. I only do this with them, if it's a friend I don't really care and do stuff in between.",1.1881553398058244,3.133470582524275,3.091077669902916,91.24651941747575,81.03883495145631,6.061747572815534,20.00873786407768,7.1686216300943375,0.4106551456310674,382,10,83,5,10,128,74,103,0.077,0.8079999999999999,0.114,0.4277,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,3,3,5,4,0,0,5,0,10,0,0,1,0,19,19,7,0,2,6,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,9,5,0,3,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,11,4,10,16,2,16,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,2,9,57,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941022774242298,0.0,0.14053371774818835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864426583368986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174117043814336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18454768876071026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494468251958759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30251287774332986,0.0,0.0,0.112795633023588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634924385375221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608574897521607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319407579640926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705567445504057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817950600591522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778364444358228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343230225073604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399399851429935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17243461196496565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988249300725555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911461371571388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21880636674688916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358075632054476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638156621026645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5864914041058267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840195220538864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942606990963992,0.0,0.0,0.09958059025196206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18808512944978492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740348642141592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,alfbask,2020/03/03,"Addicted to sending nudes and showing sexual interested towards men who are nice towards me Is this a BPD symptom? Any man who is nice towards me I instantly fall in love with him. Had a man who bought me a small gift, and I instantly perceived such act of kindness as hottest thing ever, couldn't help myself. Honestly I'm not sure what to do.. friends keep telling me this is not a right thing to do, but I see no problem with it.",5.7909302325581375,5.724927860465119,6.211023255813953,81.16769767441862,66.90697674418604,9.670697674418603,36.967441860465115,9.3871,3.2910725581395366,340,17,69,6,5,110,60,86,0.124,0.7190000000000001,0.158,0.2617,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,4,0,8,4,1,0,2,13,13,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,9,4,0,1,1,1,1,3,4,1,0,0,2,1,9,8,11,10,0,10,0,0,1,2,12,6,0,0,1,49,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856131641738557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17816554817276808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32997346422159124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23698942908617365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024166461720137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560969038052487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328731468646124,0.0,0.27282742046738456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23646066866398624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506937811212067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22374225325108904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087760521860716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469271369968422,0.2723130660420244,0.0,0.0,0.2289951316025788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34811560237776223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pastelpinkmarshmallo,2020/03/03,"Newly Diagnosed and freaking the fuck out TW: SUICIDE I OD’d on Sunday night. Spent the whole of Monday in hospital and walked out with a new diagnosis of BPD. I’d finally gotten used to my depression/anxiety diagnosis so this hit me like a brick. I’d actually just started opening up and begun telling people that I suffered from those mental illnesses. Does anyone have tips on how to break the stigma in my own head and how to feel like I can tell people this is what I have?",4.5593087557603695,6.12384247311828,5.959170506912442,76.00161290322583,70.50537634408602,9.185253456221199,29.414746543778804,9.606745405546679,2.8847585253456227,382,15,69,9,7,129,68,93,0.179,0.7709999999999999,0.05,-0.9317,0,0,0,1,1,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,5,0,4,4,1,3,0,13,11,7,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,7,2,14,8,2,17,0,1,0,1,2,8,1,0,9,45,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.20931938173253853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16409059881813345,0.0,0.0,0.14998218628678928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27015307763294405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21771124133635025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877088922805389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845677646083074,0.1532376157023857,0.0,0.23497238361811346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19830020556629085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22013712035046434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20958605196697014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21616381797952247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20716377762612967,0.0,0.20129210738501044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974122021275279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182298819731346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346263063079581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749619061722707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18525764626642893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394796719634212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BlueberryOrchid95,2020/03/03,"“Get other hobbies so you don’t depend on a man” I tried and I can’t :( My family doesn’t really talk to me or is there for me. They’re super introverted. My friends blow me off (even on my recent birthday) to go on tinder dates with men they later tell me we’re really ugly or rude in person. And then I’m single and don’t have a boyfriend and all I have as entertainment is going on dates with men who wouldn’t even care if I dropped dead. I tried to spend time with my mom today and she screamed at me and said I’m so extroverted that all I want to do is talk. She doesn’t like talking, making friends, dating. She’s one of those people who hates people. So she screamed at me, and now I’m just sitting here alone. My friends who are single are on dates. My friends in relationships are with their boyfriends and tell me not to text them when they’re with their boyfriends. I’m feeling lonely. I’m not an introvert. I can handle a day or 2 alone but every day alone back to back makes me feel sad. I need social interaction. And don’t tell me to join clubs or make friends at work because I did and they blow me off for their boyfriends or tinder dates. So idk what else to do. I’m sick of being alone. Not to brag but I’m beautiful and I’m nice, but I feel so alone I’m talking to myself A LOT. I was walking to my car and pretending to have a convo and I was thankful no one was around because I realized I was so lonely I felt like I had to have a pretend convo to myself. It’s sad. I tried friend apps like bumble: girls still blow me off to go on tinder dates. It looks men are top priority to everyone.",1.0631339712918688,2.955314324561406,2.8050345560871897,93.41064593301435,81.19298245614036,5.782881446039339,20.305156831472626,6.850034144686104,0.18563625730994104,1257,34,288,14,33,416,152,342,0.135,0.7140000000000001,0.151,0.8167,0,9,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,6,3,17,22,2,0,7,0,28,1,0,4,2,47,55,31,1,4,13,1,4,3,6,1,1,3,0,6,9,19,0,0,5,4,1,5,11,8,0,2,8,8,48,14,41,45,5,41,0,4,1,0,38,16,0,8,21,183,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4878223385813716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385941294547558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487046081299104,0.0,0.11484886537058132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604482893100877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150450249092805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786933651110681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443856202230535,0.0,0.07936892701538263,0.09001368401837931,0.0,0.0,0.08880490280408103,0.0,0.14289350725077182,0.0,0.09044832716943567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4366796236628571,0.0,0.049216457976799625,0.0,0.1606108531182841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300459628798928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806645842557758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910563480095596,0.0,0.0,0.08008684791853007,0.0,0.0,0.1886409368081535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103277978225407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984930697445284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276669101845846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306150832555438,0.08225322031489725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069593879407592,0.0,0.09301273434142762,0.1011372849939908,0.0,0.0,0.0896073117642345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602668763257023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522953473742355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30286277271156825,0.24700910172146284,0.08672819452553493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05492972167501907,0.0,0.08929212024684703,0.0,0.0,0.1918701475360583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05556255565375489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857990067619535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jansel61,2020/03/03,"Newly Diagnosed Hello, sub! Well, I started off the year with a depression dx. Today I learned it’s changed to Bipolar 2 and BPD. What should I know?",1.035,3.637595862068967,2.699568965517244,88.62107758620691,90.3793103448276,5.658620689655173,27.9396551724138,7.1686216300943375,1.8744413793103445,116,6,22,2,4,38,27,29,0.266,0.665,0.07,-0.784,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,3,2,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,13,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.462927064147786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888281568122869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165775977300509,0.3730641407711154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020005392863077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601597983341114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484024808084788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304792337818933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23669562332218194 bpd,UnbuckledCrayon,2020/03/03,"Diagnosis hidden from me Hi guys, i’m not really sure how to write this in to words, but i’m gonna try anyways. Sorry if it doesn’t make sense, i’m an emotional wreck atm. I’ve (28F) struggled severely with my mental health for over 10 years. 3 years ago, i went for a mental health assessment as i was concerned i had bipolar (pre-diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety and SAD) . I was told i didn’t have it, but instead had ‘emotional personality traits.’ When i asked what i could do i was basically told to watch happy videos and think positive thoughts. That never helped. I’ve been on medication for most of my adult life, and have also had many rounds of various therapies. I’ve also tried self-help techniques but my mental health has done nothing but severely deteriorate. I have also been shunned by many GPs, with one passing my mental health off as eating too much chocolate (he didn’t believe it actually existed.) Due to unforeseen circumstances i’ve had to move and change GPs. I’ve signed up to patient access and have discovered, by looking through my medical history, that i was diagnosed with EUPD/BPD when i had my assessment. I’m really struggling to come to terms with this and feel massively let down that i was never told this information. I’m also sinking ever deeper into my black hole, as the only thing that has been keeping me going for so many years is knowing depression doesn’t last forever. Now i know that i’ve got this for the rest of my life i’m not sure i’m going to be able to cope. Sorry for the incoherent rambling... do any of you have any helpful pointers, tips or information to help me cope on a day to day basis? Thanks so much in advance",4.7217893660531685,6.189704036809817,5.9234509202454015,76.78779396728021,69.98159509202455,9.48241308793456,30.147750511247445,9.827888789773867,3.0156732106339463,1340,54,248,33,24,448,176,326,0.125,0.8059999999999999,0.069,-0.9513,1,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,1,0,1,14,9,0,2,6,0,31,11,0,2,5,41,57,24,0,2,8,0,2,0,0,1,10,0,0,3,14,13,1,1,7,1,1,7,8,5,0,1,22,5,25,4,43,31,6,31,0,3,4,0,16,9,0,3,15,155,39,0,0.07951150217612626,0.0,0.07759175645181987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048214922961732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25434127825413466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814109609070888,0.0,0.060826081532184766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433252127085795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958223495218376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014195355874447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411262645339222,0.06849211869518207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348346457782017,0.0,0.0,0.10255668216229027,0.0,0.13696628062990418,0.16140500200959196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136787253009646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136011679445647,0.0,0.17887947598505835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192270583771405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04020340455357885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037643805995853,0.0,0.06359261180420439,0.0,0.0,0.07872888793492944,0.0,0.08464147257686164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33806803475102754,0.0,0.0,0.21317953551249616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067347646698667,0.0,0.0,0.08739488438115123,0.06481248653237158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130589804417837,0.1123226508429521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676963634441102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05307454511949726,0.24183655014854685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019894681632627,0.3205155715545543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450814353009224,0.1169002056202981,0.0,0.12264834441370832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629343077506545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05387905164839335,0.060472080330454064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694263767985848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187420860480033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294783758398137,0.26947609622918345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17801323396722205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16624537174493725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987729964204494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732035084965569,0.0909283322345264,0.0,0.05282390899011443,0.05094776006071868,0.0,0.06312325120686556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279299431595717,0.0,0.10796618141102203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370795910892185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360840154327832 bpd,invisiblefirehunter,2020/03/03,Appointment with my GP tomorrow BPD is something I've suspected I've had for 5 or 6 years now. I made an appointment with my GP as a sort of starting point to get help because I don't feel like I can do this by myself anymore. I feel so empty and sad and just downright miserable. I'm trying not to think about the appointment much so my anxiety doesn't skyrocket. Just hoping for some advice or specific points I should bring up so that my GP believes me and maybe I can start the process of getting medication as well as maybe some of the experiences that others have had with getting diagnosed. Thank you.,5.224,6.1381047333333365,5.993333333333332,78.81000000000002,68.33333333333334,10.0,32.5,10.125756701596842,3.27625,488,21,94,12,8,160,79,120,0.14300000000000002,0.7959999999999999,0.061,-0.8381,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,1,5,0,10,2,0,1,0,21,23,11,0,2,5,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,3,2,13,4,16,19,3,9,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,6,6,64,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814493264610407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204858995359054,0.0,0.18414971984204284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319191086045564,0.0,0.0,0.20920351663810188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338638777954281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18846646347576648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18163565375247548,0.0,0.0,0.18777592717847116,0.13265346945621972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29103839587104485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446080556121512,0.0,0.0,0.1844271973261929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071635843332074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569972721125068,0.0,0.0,0.3730912727697072,0.0,0.0,0.1870581988358772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649991052655358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510648682912584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294945840830706,0.0,0.0,0.26285773287806097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095388852378204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897951167690488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606799127767498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695320090082713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957511369363345 bpd,theasym,2020/03/03,"Arguments Recently had an explosive argument with someone who had no regard for my feelings and treated me like I didn’t exist (for once i’m not overreacting lmao). But I do this thing where I try to get people to stop being friends with someone I’m arguing with/ try to get them “on my side” and more often than not that pushes them away from me and towards the “other side”. After some long rambly posts I made without thinking, people think i’m trying to be malicious and i think my friends hate me for being angry at the people who are still their friend after hurting me so much. And now I feel so alone and I wish i could undo my actions and I wish i didn’t ask anyone to take a side and I’m envisioning myself all alone and I feel suicidal and I don’t really know how to cope w this. pls help",3.0284240150093784,4.512800829268297,4.655609756097562,84.15355534709195,74.24390243902441,7.485178236397751,24.81050656660413,8.139509932561175,1.4636215759849909,632,20,127,10,13,213,98,164,0.18,0.6970000000000001,0.12300000000000001,-0.8787,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,3,0,8,8,2,0,4,0,11,0,0,2,1,34,30,14,1,4,4,0,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,7,13,0,1,7,0,0,2,7,3,0,0,5,3,24,5,21,21,4,18,0,1,0,0,11,8,0,2,8,92,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944012495571545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937844633345176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328694834786354,0.0,0.13353291886967414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347677979538895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155909219459327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294207150198204,0.0,0.1485108981405336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403209078194739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526467785395032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521498062566833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810923770556369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694360334827116,0.0,0.0,0.12577785078243472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448392717958346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447963874867768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136053014285522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955987304205035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611830082874507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105014363626428,0.0,0.14033318612712672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408473543853737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350274105275772,0.11882446825018095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15546378118036022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686175512434988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442280959721223,0.2732075724565157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894845454986724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32687788519134464,0.13700527804052864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,superbene,2020/03/03,"Fucking foggy vision Is anyone else experiencing difficulties now, or in the past, with trying to actually figure out in which specific ways your narcissist parents made bad parenting choices? I still mostly find myself kind of blind to this, like I’m in a big fog simply unable to see clearly. When ever I see my parents, which is not often, and I build up this sensation that I want to see them and improve our relationship, I always feel extremely uncomfortable in their presence and not attracted to them. And this really sucks because I cannot explain to myself or them why I feel that way in their presence. I wonder if someone else feels this way, and perhaps what are some ways to help remove at least some layers of the fog? Thanks :)",7.5539598540145985,7.965132160583947,7.884370437956207,69.0370666058394,63.16058394160584,10.353649635036495,33.91332116788321,10.125756701596842,3.545380291970804,594,23,97,12,8,195,90,137,0.111,0.752,0.13699999999999998,0.4455,3,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,1,5,0,5,7,2,0,3,0,4,2,0,1,2,27,18,9,0,2,5,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,8,18,4,18,17,4,19,0,0,4,1,13,9,2,8,6,71,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.13956542024792373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900284463698566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000185690193167,0.14653934905486082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941446926209022,0.08718274697354783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389472013271676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936841649977787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21694334457043676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307163132384263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221829386287956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586228235641674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489317540435554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987161241057291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532755781165354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4764153400954582,0.0,0.13652733615586599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162130995953327,0.0,0.0,0.1535483402255934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419016710390837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117910652195245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421475468281896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316722148607166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710016998100472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435601370783423,0.4540856968013468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905194644300652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509745683786824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nazwarren,2020/03/04,"I suffer from borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Depression and I feel bad because what I put my wife through. Long story short, I suffer from Panic Disorder, Bipolar Depression, and Borderline Personality Disorder. Does anyone here, especially a sufferer, have any advice on how to cope with these intense mood swings? For example, when my wife says something so little, I just cannot think straight anymore and I end up criticizing her and being emotionally abusive (now I dont call her names, by this I mean I call her out on little things and anytime she tries to defend herself I make sure she doesn’t win the argument.) I take therapy, and medicine only made it worse. They start off by me overthinking, then her saying something so slight abt what I’m overthinking about, and then I just become intense and full of emotion and anger especially. This lasts from anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour. Then, I just notice what I’m doing, I apologize, and we talk about it. But she says she doesn’t take it to heart but I know it hurts her, and I hate hurting her. I never hit her and I would never, I just feel like such a jerk for emotionally saying the things I say but in the moment i can’t help it, so any advice? PS: Im a 6’1, 180 Pound Male Who Doesn’t Drink, Smoke Or Do Any Drugs.",3.202801204819277,5.622457477911644,4.3317520080321295,82.4850978915663,76.63052208835343,7.523493975903612,26.037650602409638,8.472884824447931,1.988495180722892,1028,39,193,21,24,335,142,249,0.2,0.7559999999999999,0.044000000000000004,-0.9884,0,0,5,0,0,0,33.0,1,0,1,1,14,16,3,1,7,0,11,5,1,3,3,37,25,25,0,1,8,2,2,1,0,1,3,5,0,3,14,16,1,0,5,1,0,1,8,12,0,0,1,7,38,3,23,21,1,25,0,7,0,0,31,11,0,1,14,128,52,0,0.0,0.11508456462381628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898309287819248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19815759835991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632803007414847,0.06791637907415446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110047765709462,0.05921026544525286,0.10727375647800708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983635882423828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731788504125786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33396224005365754,0.0,0.08500014968002649,0.0,0.1138370189038693,0.09515157762119464,0.1126413310373647,0.0,0.0,0.3277785100989353,0.08602939491895001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822488557660697,0.06939053399689994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589693056299023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510091530021145,0.06510498213864932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565464615845314,0.0,0.2079618730024302,0.0,0.1049183415850975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05338075601830596,0.07917487516627329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04745338798711047,0.19470191814283835,0.0,0.08595803726101142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190787051613518,0.0648358165095872,0.0,0.0,0.10580432938693192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498271070568371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058449156915877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387263885975394,0.0,0.1139625109865728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696223987187756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764366314508877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3862130622384496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495526546600244,0.0,0.0,0.06874994873633107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154498711826256,0.0,0.14606111762308385,0.07807036276707831,0.0,0.0,0.1110779687514424,0.0,0.12905927927940136,0.0622377377975448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594569497906358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898496999422936,0.06899920304174559,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Puffpuffravenclaw,2020/03/04,"Do you ever make someone love you to hurt them. Do any of you change yourself just to make people fall in love with you only to hurt them?? I don’t know why. I never have any intentions on staying, but for some reason I want them to love me. I’ll put in so much effort at the beginning and then the “thrill” of it I guess gets old and I’ll just cut them off I tried talking to my therapist today about it, but we didn’t get anywhere because of time. I’m worried I could possibly be a sociopath...",1.6284761904761886,3.1665985142857167,3.3447619047619064,91.86190476190477,78.14285714285714,6.19047619047619,23.095238095238088,6.937597516519254,0.6168095238095237,384,12,86,4,9,128,70,105,0.09,0.764,0.146,0.8025,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,4,4,1,5,7,1,0,3,0,7,3,0,4,2,19,19,6,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,0,17,4,16,16,2,15,0,2,0,3,13,5,0,2,7,57,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22834552512874906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234580405707208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776081670315928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404862332683665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186851832366793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17543396526290506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18495268767326475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35946511885389393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922694123187034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4545890278350623,0.0,0.22413930160492124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342041927166635,0.0,0.12948916565367646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617509865273162,0.0,0.0,0.12768992952598535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639562719784816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18927374197846475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16877849035995526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17262161164064574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422549015996222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895123121322007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494575628632882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949363125752257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789955718449864,0.0,0.15914260559974508,0.0,0.0,0.11398809186179384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902743776354253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514970069461923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17050314067658326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Royal_Puppy,2020/03/04,DAE experience a disconnect between your appearance and who you are on the inside? I’m pretty new to my diagnosis. Is this common among BPD and if so what is it called? It’s not all the time. On occasion. Almost as if my soul is mixed up in my body lol sounds crazy but seems like the right place to ask,0.8633333333333333,3.1244908888888894,2.9041269841269863,90.27142857142859,84.55555555555556,6.7746031746031745,18.52380952380953,7.957251820313856,0.6498000000000004,238,6,53,5,7,80,52,63,0.026000000000000002,0.857,0.11699999999999999,0.7105,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,4,1,1,0,1,10,8,7,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,9,8,1,11,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,5,4,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903708357554621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710900580405023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220999164670115,0.3652168329338305,0.0,0.2960997106606265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836538880509479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166848439624768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28006232402068704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029650367362386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29501162706375145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476394194866744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26398485855185666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16908836165017566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AlmaAvery,2020/03/04,"Anyone else feel excessive amounts of empathy? Wether it’s a character in a film or someone I see as an acquaintance or passerby, some days if I see someone who is having anything bad happen to them I feel that crushing feeling in my chest. Like I can’t stand to watch and I just get overwhelmed with sadness in that moment. It’s a strange but intense feeling, given that it’s something which isn’t about an action happening directly to me. The weird thing is that it seems to happen when the person being negatively afflicted supposedly deserves their punishment. For example, if someone had been doing something they shouldn’t for a while, then they get found out and awfully punished, I just feel so bad for them. The fact I feel worse for people who deserve it makes no sense. It almost causes an internal conflict, anyone else? Or am I just an odd one aha",4.890954415954416,6.9050132901234615,5.36753086419753,78.77542735042738,70.41975308641976,8.194491927825261,32.21462488129155,8.841846274778883,2.941470465337132,691,32,118,13,13,221,103,162,0.228,0.73,0.042,-0.9873,0,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,5,0,6,8,2,1,11,1,11,1,1,2,1,28,28,13,0,3,9,0,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,14,4,0,1,8,1,0,1,5,7,0,1,4,9,15,1,16,22,2,11,0,2,3,0,8,4,0,8,6,86,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423425064082255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19878891184855912,0.29129856828737816,0.11697718594698675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373783161533032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14602701716238856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167487103269302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374958606402073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4312513060856083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15585993524454375,0.0,0.0,0.14853482283246044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37710783632994455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944721943425118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488610544653174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632439363461484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854878351747062,0.12411973564444485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265499970056077,0.12940785296956364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36132923133471695,0.21886774508009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443802084876864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486280587066255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dystopia8888,2020/03/04,"Unable to focus on reading Hi everyone. 28/F. Recwntly my psychiatrist advised me to go get tested for ADHD/ADD if my inability to concentrate is affecting my daily life that much. At school I was able to focus a bit more on what I read and used to manage to finish books, chapters, complete exercises etc. I was already struggling back then and was reading not that fast as other classmates but was at least making efforts every day and training my self-control muscle to keep working on something for a certain period of time/ till I finish a task. Now as I go to work I can't make myself study or read. Watching a movie is also a challenge - it has to be very interesting for me to finish it without pausing many times. Now I wonder maybe this is just part of my borderline personality - I remember myself at age 8 or so having no patience during drawing classes - I did not get the result right away and flipped out completely telling to my teacher this is all bullshit :) Sometimes it feels like I have no control over my mind. One minute I am like okay I am all comfortable, sitting in an armchair, all set, sipping coffee, ideally prepared to read and after having read few lines I am like oh I have to do the laundry, oh there is a dirty dish in the sink or, of course, need to check my phone. And I hate myself for it.",6.288223086900128,6.380655513618678,7.0242957198443605,75.21820752269781,65.84824902723736,9.032321660181584,35.03216601815824,8.648137234880735,2.9859190142671848,1045,46,187,14,15,347,161,257,0.08900000000000001,0.784,0.127,0.8557,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,6,7,11,1,1,10,1,21,3,0,6,4,33,33,17,0,3,9,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,10,7,1,2,3,8,1,2,6,2,0,1,5,2,28,9,37,27,10,31,0,0,1,0,5,12,0,5,18,139,38,15,0.1077396687103154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948214479908815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889340353841317,0.08615937414236904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122496532635973,0.08284515486537297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762381390211528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22592598561957725,0.0,0.2416783994971979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948317323774518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015821030722752,0.0,0.0,0.09077531766224943,0.10294987053477596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05447641371476851,0.07696924085405303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257906022060382,0.0,0.12246187317942402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637061743892834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576396788848067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609971425063615,0.15790847997295598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14383413095274789,0.1092311136625852,0.10823897841523948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878635227030828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920105318724767,0.07988759918431364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300718784265188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667156205920078,0.0,0.0,0.09407412300509843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6466129475686735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204804205557634,0.09200908839906086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903829668123312,0.0,0.0,0.11239597161350716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294326065717188,0.10655728725069746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263289452604948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416921927094113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564773448889907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930524814692332,0.0,0.08889651009690983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385719593770028,0.116839074849769,0.15687152398874174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Scary-StyrofoamCup,2020/03/04,"Today surprised me I've been having a rough few days. I live with a Narcissistic abuser (mother) so most days are pretty rough. Haven't showered or left my room in a few days but somehow managed to get myself to go for a nature walk. Pretty early on my mom noticed I was gone and texted me with her passive-aggressive bullshit to start a fight. She knows if I'm not home I'm taking a walk because I don't have money to do anything else. It ruined my mood, got me pissed off because she really couldn't just let me have one thing. Didn't take the bait though. Trying to learn not to react. Because of it, I didn't wanna go home. Decided to go the lake. This guy my age was there fishing when I got there. I sat there for 30 minutes practicing mindfulness and just focused on the waves. He came over and was like ""I got this huge fish and it keeps trying to hide in the rocks"". Asked if he needed help, and he eventually got it to where he could grab it. Easily a 12 lb fish. Helped him get it up the rocks, took a few pictures for him and he was nice enough to let me take a few pictures. Then he released it. Made a badly delivered joke to him ""Oh you're not saving it for Fish Fry Friday?"" (There are a ton of Catholics where I live and it's a Midwest thing). Felt bad about how bad I smelled but he didn't say anything about it. He was really nice though. It was just a cool experience. I've been so lonely and depressed and really just needed (positive) human interaction. Wasn't expecting anything when I left the house. Figured most people were at work so I could avoid them. Today was what I've needed for a long time. Really grateful for it. Gonna try not to let my mom ruin it when I walk in the door. That's it. Just felt like sharing my unexpectedly good day with strangers. Thanks for reading. Hope you're all having a fantastic day too :)",1.6925256290773518,3.8010411803713566,3.1572585848447936,90.57467058570506,80.16710875331566,5.985489999283104,21.064520754175927,7.113659591113569,0.5088711592228838,1443,41,306,18,37,472,185,377,0.128,0.708,0.16399999999999998,0.9106,1,3,0,0,2,0,48.0,0,0,1,1,24,23,2,1,22,1,29,1,1,3,1,53,60,24,0,11,14,3,5,2,0,1,0,1,5,2,20,13,0,2,6,4,1,9,11,10,0,1,25,8,31,12,36,28,9,40,0,4,0,0,27,15,1,7,18,189,51,4,0.0,0.10298136773928504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21457363759120768,0.0,0.08125482216058441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21771394297933208,0.15894974638057768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940886548719297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879086935884316,0.0,0.0,0.2802684756282953,0.0,0.0748607109264216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260725003466156,0.0,0.0,0.08980756706458771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502062523183554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16690617555213488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082015148540906,0.0,0.14818927052084324,0.07290110229390565,0.2780589854633929,0.0,0.0,0.08606060548845199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651606154475283,0.0,0.1743678731692907,0.08632730029863052,0.0,0.10028951163741597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772550246327595,0.0,0.0,0.04776681637273702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18886919734683386,0.26663280781690896,0.0,0.08492563385453843,0.0,0.1534970201335815,0.07691801480292937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822421168528973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877604855945162,0.20359017538438254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19334156402196934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895455771823528,0.0,0.0,0.05889659983304659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060256681073736114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17684984440697096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693962230563201,0.0,0.22272272112956373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911917252865438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151966404891741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196050274624417,0.0,0.0,0.08002066878297223,0.0,0.0,0.1154863916206593,0.0,0.17078925699894185,0.0,0.05068147778867231,0.0,0.16477260291861706,0.0,0.0965669869070257,0.17703098293833913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632759571117696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,livingloopy,2020/03/04,"THAT subreddit.. Is it just me, or should that subreddit just be called we hate borderlines? Woah. My heart hurts after reading all of that, it really does! Like... is that okay? The things they’re saying? Is it true. Idk. I’m not that type of person and I don’t like being treated like that",-0.3296172248803835,1.5961529122807043,1.1291547049441808,96.19650717703352,107.59649122807016,4.87974481658692,13.953748006379586,6.574015621080383,-0.2093017543859648,224,5,47,4,11,71,42,57,0.127,0.711,0.163,0.3252,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,0,2,8,1,0,1,1,7,1,1,0,2,9,9,2,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,10,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,4,6,3,6,1,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,31,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117446938901945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26716945259370817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30141982738121403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617811103810126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268291878283444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4474614129489801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665755506544472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053818929375377,0.0,0.19558253295499825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427862369918457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028272722284306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RC-01138,2020/03/04,"Coping Mechanisms needed I have recently (a month ago) started to cut my wrists. At first I thought it was terrible. But it started to dull my inside problems for a little time every time I did it. I don't know how to stop it or find a good coping mechanism. I've tried alcohol an nicotin, but it just made it worse.",3.147656249999997,4.5802397031250015,4.705125000000002,84.12737500000003,73.84375,8.245000000000001,28.425,8.841846274778883,2.248753750000001,247,10,50,5,5,83,46,64,0.204,0.7659999999999999,0.03,-0.8442,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,4,0,4,2,1,2,0,12,10,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,4,0,6,1,5,6,0,11,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,9,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21907640279717988,0.2641195547250195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20822772903174103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258832400087546,0.21021879320950526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207290919204866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582273740492468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477011330738839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23385166291533915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972663248402323,0.0,0.0,0.18325260416979502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23648144279325134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24402283325808835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3498566498614031,0.0,0.0,0.2066217136731135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962030806156496,0.28822088519649564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779314270211906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25185873317249474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Brittni318,2020/03/04,"Not doing well Its been over a year since my last boyfriend/ love of my life broke up with me. I haven't been able to move on, i have tried. A few months ago i found out he was dating someone else. That sent me down a spiral. He still wants to be friends and i don't want him out of my life either. Side note we also have a dog together. Today my anxiety is wicked bad. I was suppose to go to a concert tonight which i'm bailing on bc of my anxiety. Now i'm torturing myself by looking at his facebook and old pics together. I always hoped we would work out. My BPD had a big effect on our relationship, and I've learned so much about myself since knowing this. I want to try again. I miss him a lot he was my favorite person. I had been doing ok but now im a mess and cont do anything",0.20929651545036165,2.2014348639053303,2.2456311637080866,95.68515943458252,84.97633136094673,5.175673898750823,20.631492439184747,6.42735559955562,0.09239618671926396,608,19,142,6,18,203,108,169,0.12300000000000001,0.8140000000000001,0.063,-0.6887,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,3,0,0,2,8,10,1,0,8,1,18,3,0,1,0,23,31,7,0,5,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,4,10,0,0,4,1,0,3,3,5,1,0,10,2,26,5,21,19,4,27,0,2,1,1,14,12,0,2,12,94,30,2,0.16633402114767726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744507372686733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301725661697086,0.13840323033548513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544901418034729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687872682743746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888195988160562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094918768370505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895073115346845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823766688091503,0.12850925212931605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453145738724653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520721400787666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796692859008262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141282801230956,0.13558442754142738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234973276436028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967868547034734,0.0,0.0,0.14141123661887006,0.15012294819954514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276622876094907,0.17678674089125518,0.1222746441813093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17453957480044927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523645146387068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17858048994292133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27518644228341144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409342763441264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283456415094935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576652031213971,0.0,0.0,0.22585976381473785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943243457163577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495542609246479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109314842413972,0.0,0.0,0.11815891626710015,0.0,0.0,0.10711365614400443 bpd,yourmomsfriendjanice,2020/03/04,"Everyone Thinks i’m Crazy Or maybe they don’t, but that’s what I keep telling myself. My friends, they know that something is off with me, they just don’t know what. Well they do know what, they just don’t understand it. I feel like i’m just a warning story, someone to make relieved that they are normal and not like me.",1.3392857142857153,3.600579984848487,1.853809523809524,98.565,82.48484848484848,4.983549783549783,21.549783549783545,6.1826913282559595,0.03585108225108291,253,8,57,2,7,77,42,66,0.067,0.6990000000000001,0.23399999999999999,0.9169,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,6,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,17,16,3,0,1,6,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,6,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,12,5,3,16,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,1,2,37,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597661320183087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374564844366111,0.19421104540669687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100320967993964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24163445175691675,0.0,0.0,0.44820806962134857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656262045620817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18146324835439734,0.0,0.27311176410894306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663571337745963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303392252386301,0.20928486734348845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376105352840945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419171499601188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830074061326989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444274983071213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,disasterbisexual,2020/03/04,"I don't know what to do anymore Cw warning for emotional abuse, sexual assault, suicidal ideation, drugs, and self-harm I (F 19) keep hoping things will get better. I hoped they would after years and years of my father emotionally abusing me, after years of a very tradcath church upbringing in which I learned to repress my own identity and feelings, after my OCD became so severe as a result of that upbringing that I could no longer function, after years upon years of bullying by everyone in my classes, after the only friends i had (who i thought were my best friends) betrayed me and started bullying me themselves, after my grandmother emotionally manipulated me for years into believing that my mother hated me and didn't want me, after finally making a close friend and realizing i was in love with that friend (and hating myself for it because it meant i, a bisexual woman, was an abomination before god only for us to have a psuedo-relationship that eventually fell apart and realizing that this person had been sexually abusing me the whole time, after being groomed by multiple other grown adults as a teenager, after not having any friends in high school, after going to college and having my heart broken three times within the first two semesters to a point where I was barely functional again, after being hospitalized after two suicide attempts, after one of those three heartbreaks causing me to hide in my room and self-harm for five days straight, after one of the only close friends i had abandoned me, after the first best friend i had in years also abandoned me, after developing hypersexuality to cope with the sexual abuse because it was the only way i knew of to get affection and validation from others and to feel wanted, after being sexually assaulted, after starting to do drugs in order to try to numb the pain and finally feel happy for the first time in years, after starting to do sex work because I might as well actually make money off of my hypersexuality, after having no close friends anymore and no prospects of ever finding anyone who will want me because i don't even know who i am and nobody will want someone with my body count or who has done sex work. I have run out of hope and I don't want to do anything to myself, but I also kind of do and I don't know what to do about it. I don't feel like i can trust other people anymore. I cannot find anything to hope for because the second i do it is immediately snatched away from me and i am left with nothing every. Single. Time. I don't feel like there is anything left to hope or try for. I just feel empty and have been engaging in even more impulsive behavior to try to even feel something and i know it's unhealthy and in theory i can and should stop but i dont even know if i want to anymore because i feel so hopeless anyways, may as well be impulsive.",12.721464700712822,8.082871723562157,12.0681183478176,59.06739771506692,57.18181818181819,14.390040035152815,45.622595449663116,11.520995432342351,5.23011094619666,2285,93,387,41,19,758,238,539,0.146,0.748,0.106,-0.9431,0,0,3,0,2,2,43.0,1,0,1,9,17,36,4,1,18,0,53,9,2,6,1,87,92,35,2,15,7,2,8,2,8,7,4,0,1,3,25,31,0,5,21,0,1,4,13,11,2,11,16,8,59,25,89,64,6,77,1,4,0,3,20,27,0,10,46,308,84,6,0.0,0.26343643694686897,0.054242919993444064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890257314857923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03779969091751426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22050144694723894,0.03886630881411342,0.0,0.13722510146899353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052223916282858274,0.0,0.0,0.20330451886265935,0.0,0.047298721984896056,0.06262523527692666,0.11666600952458495,0.04916039569917866,0.0,0.06174237947443436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057101083671718615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04438008169256456,0.0,0.0,0.03584771217788115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056882730866227964,0.06514517987428403,0.0,0.1289218541097702,0.0,0.0,0.18757685509449126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146853414112389,0.05027979461825462,0.046832741062038,0.05311382822216855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22484347888352965,0.07941983833252009,0.0,0.1217812521685361,0.10160732519895684,0.14184166087583094,0.0,0.0,0.343558527014099,0.0,0.058081713312601715,0.0,0.03159022377604523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591712423466644,0.0,0.1097573153456038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658684661907651,0.0,0.05872858075374963,0.0,0.2760421241865841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0494064821439855,0.0,0.05788320061457376,0.15274025032113747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078648179355204,0.0,0.0,0.05431202478474997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050167612545272036,0.0,0.07420680846148839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05896687730511223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05333528522616883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533163886298114,0.1690995211450717,0.059146335291680924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038535624727028615,0.04853465850407372,0.0,0.0,0.052545770567126164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05967746393904401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056254964959946654,0.0,0.0,0.115974508722223,0.0627952031518609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04709697121443724,0.04279203146004388,0.0,0.0,0.11802999990428935,0.0,0.0,0.04647153027718239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160188756607147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03692818928349628,0.0,0.0,0.04412826338151251,0.12964818996821775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321565346788286,0.0,0.10859689277481456,0.0,0.0668618841601164,0.0,0.0,0.04586342792186995,0.19671275998273616,0.0441207680204889,0.0,0.0,0.09995514085680587,0.0,0.0,0.06205864253395502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809330515405874,0.0,0.0,0.03948597333818602,0.0,0.0,0.28635922564468763 bpd,throwawayforaita3333,2020/03/04,"I don't know if I'm in an abusive relationship and feel like I can't trust my own judgement So this is a throwaway, I'm literally too scared to use my main because he knows it. I also want to preface this with a trigger warning because maybe some things can be triggering that I'm going to talk about. I want you to stay safe, so I'm going to discuss not only what could be abuse but my own mental health. I am engaged and we had a baby 4 months ago. Being a Mom is awesome, I love it, I've always wanted to be a Momma. I've been in therapy and taking my meds and am doing really well, other than this. I just can't trust my own thoughts and need perspective. So I'm SAHM, and he works. He wasn't working for a month and a half due to being fired, he doesn't like to work. Still, despite my mat pay not being enough, I end up paying for everything. Before I get in to it actually, I am going to preface this with YES, I have talked numerous times with him about these issues. Okay, now I start. He didn't like a guy friend of mine and I kind of understood. He was an ex, from teenage years. We work much much better as friends but ultimately I was stupid and cut him off because SO didn't like him. I know this one is up to the relationship but this just hurt. SO went through my phone and was in a panic so I figured to ease his insecurities (he claims he was cheated on a lot), I asked friend if we could cool off communicating. He was offended but understood. I felt like an ass. I get pregnant, he promises to be there. He wanted to be Dad. But I noticed things that just... I don't know. I brushed off as quirks. He wasn't super organized, and cleaning is therapeutic to me, so it all fell on me. 7 months pregnant, I was infuriated with our laundry not being done despite me asking him to either do it or help. I dragged two carts full of laundry to the laundromat, most people looked at me just shocked, and was there all day. I get home, organize, he wakes up and goes ""oh, thanks"". No concern for my safety. Then, he just gives up st his job. Oh, I didn't mention, we worked at the same place for a bit. I recommended him, my managers trusted me, he was great until he wasn't. He didn't do anything on shift, he was lazy, and he chalked it all up to mental health. I just... I've been in a bad spot mentally, so maybe that's why I just allowed it. I pushed him to try to get help, he got a different job and left mine on bad terms. Management still loves me but I just felt so embarased, I did his tasks on top of mine because he just refused. Okay so the next job. I think he did the same thing. He loved it, then hated it, gave up shifts, got fired. Once the baby was born, I negotiated with him that I don't expect a lot from him in regards to baby, but I do expect him to try and help and let me sleep at points. When he was fired, I expected more and always have communicated in the calmest, most gentle way I could. Then, PPD/PPA kicked in. It was so hard for me. He didn't help more. He gamed all day. He yelled at the baby. He would complain if I begged him to watch the baby so I could sleep. Then, he would try more after I break down. I guess this is where I could be fooled? I don't know. He would tell me to go nap, I would enjoy it, and he would be a model partner for like two days and then revert. Then, my frustrations would get pent up, I'd say I need him to keep giving me his effort, and it would make him sad. ""But I am trying. See? I did the dishes"" and I would just get so frustrated. What about the laundry? Watching our son so I can shower? What about literally everything else? I told him I felt shitty saying this, but he still needed to keep trying. Keep in mind, he wasn't working then. He didn't really try to get another job. He just thought we would coast off of my mat pay. I assumed this, he never said, but whenever I panicked about bills and rent he just said ""we will figure it out"" but WE never did, *i* did. So, he makes a resume. He says he's applying everywhere. I look at it, and oh my god it was horrible. I remade it, and within a week he had 5 job interviews because of me. He got the job he has now because of me. I sat down with him to refine what I needed from him now. Financial participation, moderate house chores, and him to watch our baby in the morning for 1-2 hours so I could nap. I don't really get any sleep as the baby wakes up frequently, and my fiance just sleeps through the night. He's spotty with what he does. His job is retail, so yes although full time is tiring, it isn't super physical labour focused. Maybe I'm being unfair in my opinion, but I don't think he needs hours and hours to unwind. I also don't think he should expect to be able to unwind for very long, he's a parent, I am working like 24/7 and need a breather for a moment too. I'm not unseasonable, he gets home late and he gets the evening to himself while the baby sleeps. All I ask is for help in the morning. Anyways. Some days he's good, others hes not. He talked with his mom and his takeaway is, ""at least I'm still here. Most young dads run away or give up"". This INFURIATED me. He is doing less than bare minimum and expects to be praised. I fucking can't. Also. His Mom. I had an okay relation ship with. His Dad was basically how he (fiance) is being, and she was always vocal about her detestment for that behaviour. So, I approached her, asking for help. I didn't slander her son, but I outlined my concerns. I wouldn't do this if she had another other history, but I'm just desperate. I told her I need her help trying to get him to be consistent, just to knock some sense into him. Maybe i shouldn't have. It back fired. That's her kid, so maybe she was auto defensive. I don't know. If my son grows up and acts stupid after having a kid, I'm not going to defend him, im going to do all I can to make him see that his partner needs him and hes being unfair. I plan to raise my son to be extraordinarily considerate, but I don't know, hes a baby. That could change and I'm biased. Anyways. Instead of saying something I would expect from her ""This topic isn't one I'm comfortable with seeing as it's about my son, and I don't think I could weigh in in a beneficial way."" Seriously, she's been reasonable like that before. Instead of saying that, or something like it, *she begins to critique every single thing about how I'm taking care of the baby*. She says it's the ""women's role"" to take on alllll the extra reposponsibility, and men are just more likely to be how my fiance is. It's the ""load we bear"". I respectfully thanked her for voicing her opinion and told her I disagree with her views and they arent applicable to me. I just. Ugh. I'm rambling at this point. What do I do? Am I unreasonable? Is he? Should I leave? Should I stay and work it out? He agreed to couples counseling but I feel so lost. Just, someone play devils advocate, I'm not easily offended. Help, somehow. Thanks if you read this mess. I'm trying so hard to stay logical but I'm just... I feel like I'm going crazy.",1.0541064970110376,3.0627040677154582,3.109733710623466,90.60283323651224,81.85225718194255,6.00274347394262,20.684013267619886,7.1686216300943375,0.4631754998781927,5425,156,1201,73,146,1833,485,1462,0.138,0.7340000000000001,0.129,-0.9705,13,0,2,0,1,0,237.0,11,2,1,16,77,69,11,3,49,6,141,17,8,11,8,223,256,109,0,47,53,14,12,11,5,16,3,10,6,7,61,63,2,6,27,7,6,14,40,26,1,5,59,33,192,43,153,153,36,126,2,3,9,5,191,56,2,22,61,786,253,25,0.0360936292742188,0.08553009723202681,0.03522217560302044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031994824586622006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659218687097107,0.09009837286951937,0.0,0.0,0.02454490560975514,0.07569463471105804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02970198151615832,0.0,0.13497068435836415,0.0,0.03391115283274928,0.027753772985100383,0.06027334562414146,0.13201404837965303,0.0,0.061426040181900426,0.0,0.0,0.03192188197537522,0.03940489499942351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0367998605593582,0.0,0.038182273927672594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305426080809558,0.03993691428012243,0.0,0.09310961972168677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03771016045416691,0.0,0.0,0.031585778208544336,0.036936314187949036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03015159582525953,0.0,0.03196824238021012,0.037294367475543516,0.0,0.023839501728496585,0.0,0.030410439368995214,0.0,0.06487725332203431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05475007035978291,0.0515705919307001,0.10396663302050456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365754532942858,0.03336797865902163,0.2074317474478517,0.1038728942608988,0.14358988906186104,0.03027362378457264,0.08660211763912955,0.039793353696531086,0.039761201877297134,0.035738367613787445,0.0,0.0,0.06466560463681463,0.03563498642114205,0.0,0.07673168020859661,0.0,0.0,0.19354239105165566,0.0,0.07240970611338035,0.0,0.10663486298145823,0.04164720215901953,0.038638976644247834,0.0,0.0389873133140364,0.03767237154300181,0.2507215040141075,0.09624502830304546,0.0,0.03758596065178256,0.13885280303410796,0.0,0.04071518594915089,0.03821794189274666,0.03921583381497267,0.03690818135108938,0.0,0.19396876514122008,0.0,0.0,0.031941726107408086,0.0606191163550468,0.0,0.03940046003904578,0.061371025777087175,0.09772772882806248,0.0,0.07227833343649685,0.0,0.18130450959729832,0.0,0.04009188539738813,0.0,0.10912166698862176,0.0,0.03644427642984892,0.1268172671307579,0.08642877160011607,0.0,0.053065941005525,0.21410375012893876,0.05567526399588348,0.0,0.03838598420642817,0.033871426024352516,0.0,0.0,0.041092836155662185,0.0,0.038438537208415634,0.04891595461335657,0.02745083150426935,0.0,0.04234809714642805,0.04007770391597549,0.0,0.0,0.025022777926991147,0.0,0.03771016045416691,0.0,0.06824029231225127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03610339672289936,0.0,0.06936750942978917,0.03711026227936374,0.0,0.07750210035366746,0.0,0.0,0.06866661359543813,0.17221861614636064,0.0361360194880293,0.0,0.08628584842085116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18059847830810866,0.0,0.03058201495579149,0.0555732783809503,0.0,0.0,0.02554725657318242,0.11541301918839185,0.1152976758497311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141375191987893,0.08703207602471948,0.03154742287677505,0.0996904935110198,0.04127621066605144,0.0,0.09591601394630586,0.09250936096818292,0.0,0.057308619892433015,0.0420929709741496,0.041484317263355414,0.0,0.10346702859005333,0.0,0.1960416402331558,0.0,0.07051646238291011,0.0,0.0,0.031173307003820906,0.0,0.02978102418188064,0.08515583079849144,0.057298885795440686,0.028952132269622295,0.0,0.03245250738813999,0.033459155943798766,0.03256888641507735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21021273587744976,0.0,0.0,0.2563987865959032,0.0,0.0,0.023243113876477303 bpd,kitkattus,2020/03/04,"While dating boys I feel like a lesbian, while dating girls feel straight I've been in four relationships. Currently I'm dating a girl. First three relationships were with men. They felt kinda weird. I knew I was bisexual but deep down I just wanted a girlfriend. Then I met this girl I'm dating. She came out as a trans girl while dating me and everything clicked. It felt super good for the first half a year or so, but then I started getting these straight-y feelings. I know I don't have to decide between girls and boys and that I can be bisexual. But when I'm with girls it feels wrong and when I'm with boys it still feels wrong. It's super frustrating to battle with these feelings.",2.8139309954751117,5.10657511029412,3.4135294117647064,89.22242081447966,77.30882352941177,6.2434389140271485,22.961538461538463,7.321109707123232,0.8224780542986423,549,17,111,7,13,172,79,136,0.121,0.7509999999999999,0.128,0.2492,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,4,5,9,2,0,6,0,7,1,0,0,0,28,26,17,0,1,5,0,8,1,1,0,0,0,0,10,8,10,0,0,11,0,0,1,1,5,0,5,8,9,12,4,12,17,0,24,0,0,1,1,16,5,0,2,19,68,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20468726510263727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084140227419644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5429377873053444,0.12785199584623955,0.3436672215810422,0.0,0.0,0.3044535608545355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350136093319844,0.0,0.0,0.1501066044600375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835399446596686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743282425365237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842809570930367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667171808562927,0.0,0.14292096931551332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555766879854782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913383197613796,0.0,0.11524701918420299 bpd,urowndeity,2020/03/04,"DAE get jealous when other people have a traumatic experience? So recently my close friend had to be hospitalized and it was really upsetting of course, but I found myself jealous that they were receiving all of this attention and being doted after in the hospital! I keep switching between feeling jealous and feeling insanely guilty for even having these thoughts. Is this a BPD thing or am I just shitty?",9.469225352112677,10.026821521126763,9.28179577464789,60.131426056338064,59.140845070422536,12.73380281690141,41.69366197183098,12.161744961471696,5.805053521126761,332,17,46,10,4,108,61,71,0.27899999999999997,0.6559999999999999,0.066,-0.9648,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,4,5,3,1,3,0,9,0,0,0,1,14,15,7,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,5,2,6,1,7,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022864948949197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21096770234087447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124448768439053,0.0,0.0,0.323007213779073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35021725879573096,0.24677585298871546,0.0,0.16687886597179535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839068354429965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22143910663757765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046226224045954,0.0,0.3153794536606073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122022233350547,0.0,0.0,0.25357635408505635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,capeofgoodhope__,2020/03/04,"Spouse cheated. Beat the shit out of the other person. Facing serious legal consequences. One super drunk night, we had some friends over. My spouse (married) cheated on me with a very close friend of mine. I caught them in the act. The exfriend refused to leave (my home) and I beat the living shit out of them. They needed reconstructive facial surgery and I was charged wifh serious assault. I go to trial in a month. I didn't have a record prior to this but if I get one (the likely outcome here) my career is over. The cost of my lawyers has financially devastated me. I've been cripplingly depressed since this happened and while most people seem to think I'm holding it together, internally I'm spiralling out of control. At least this got me to quit drinking (over 1 year sober now) though I still think about trying to drink myself to death pretty much daily. Just needed to vent. BPD mixed with marrying the wrong person? Gonna be the death of me.",3.378166666666665,5.968508038888893,3.715555555555557,86.235,76.94444444444444,6.222222222222222,25.0,7.3871296695380915,1.2923333333333331,757,27,139,10,18,235,121,180,0.222,0.7170000000000001,0.062,-0.9833,0,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,3,5,6,13,5,0,12,0,8,7,4,1,0,24,21,7,2,3,3,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,2,5,10,3,3,4,3,1,3,1,9,0,2,6,0,21,4,27,13,4,21,0,1,0,0,11,11,2,4,8,90,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030043068375178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807804052742795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882665491978866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157958930268287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490591238629423,0.0,0.08421144866243722,0.0,0.09160399568220563,0.0,0.12891274456441426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253356707300852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167965985096544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066949106927626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874585693259255,0.0,0.14232751453726528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865470799143208,0.0,0.11848802808300958,0.2390302581774068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125929746792616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21844350233348972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117439757986972,0.28147750263268845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398102568272288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714379278165321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467349212669757,0.0,0.0,0.33090400260470937,0.13333221748325685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872092716273806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065590763612029,0.15836144856213802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943265554721324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299282977893742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622827355301549,0.0,0.10379654737285804 bpd,cheuuu,2020/03/04,"shit fell apart. again. last week i was so happy. and then he left me. 'i just dont feel the same way about you anymore'. i don't remember feeling this much pain before. but i've been dealing with it. using skills, taking it one hour at a time. but holy shit, it hurts. it hurts so bad. i love him so much.",-1.8093006993007,-0.0022555384615383645,0.14839160839160925,104.52342657342659,104.3846153846154,2.9790209790209787,12.062937062937063,4.851557810540192,-1.6586923076923077,230,4,57,1,11,74,51,65,0.301,0.589,0.109,-0.9431,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,6,8,2,0,2,0,4,4,2,1,0,10,9,7,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,2,2,7,2,3,7,3,11,0,2,0,1,5,3,2,0,6,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18950851833414065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955097747931332,0.0,0.0,0.16260230209919416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970039290788932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239543855245659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19324024912411072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20341734025518407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18818375348599373,0.0,0.4091285412184492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576269202745482,0.0,0.0,0.20761829472227256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246489859253591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809441775835283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948656312465873,0.0,0.20333171543681966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21646610380242187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922993503012329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367482634946815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114252841681309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503917452128974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167721556635133,0.15327972774348236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BCBorn82,2020/03/04,"What if WE'RE the ones who actually see and feel the truth? 38 years old here and recently diagnosed...Mostly high functioning but with a recent BAD breakdown, hence the new diagnosis. Some thoughts I've been having lately...what if we are the ones who really see and feel the truth, the accuracy in what's happening with those around us and within ourselves? For instance, I see and feel every nuance in a facial expression or other social exchange or energy that others miss. My self awareness is such that I know my strengths and weaknesses (yes, to the point of fault as it's damaging) so completely where others seem to be oblivious to their true selves. I realize we interpret most neutral expressions or exchanges as negative, but what if it's actually because we're picking up on something others aren't? I mean, certainly I would love to have that healthy sense of self I see in others and accept myself mostly as I am while still looking for continued self improvement in a healthy way (not to the point of self damage as I tend to do with continues the unstable sense of self cycle), but sometimes I feel like only I am fully owning the truth in myself and those around me. This sounds NPD in that grandiose way, but I'm not, it's more I'm so sensitive and observant, so AWARE, that maybe we get all these things in a way others don't.",6.9258823529411755,7.246374921568627,7.0972549019607865,74.45764705882355,64.49019607843138,10.878431372549016,33.07843137254902,10.650279960617883,3.550772549019607,1075,41,193,26,15,347,144,255,0.106,0.746,0.14800000000000002,0.8965,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,4,0,1,1,9,15,0,0,14,1,12,3,1,1,6,51,32,27,0,4,12,0,4,1,0,1,1,1,0,5,24,17,0,0,11,0,2,0,5,6,0,2,2,10,20,9,31,28,6,28,0,3,5,1,16,16,0,10,10,139,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.213239309188226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19452485152007504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122553024700823,0.0666024173636514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455451230038195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205423816294417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209756965443424,0.07805364950814796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057082585269859626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661613266951714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543665045178345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060045118271015996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053377743340115434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174886469848262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986092474747796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976394194094764,0.11901355367550814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552166852438233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464746950454875,0.0,0.14807155139417744,0.08309532625961381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20656748968992167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999321468020248,0.0,0.21575739325776636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482566384192813,0.09946401336549417,0.5698975121167817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137436155101396,0.0,0.08411183642402968,0.10805855766949554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725325852350357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258589299153266,0.0,0.0,0.08673832824898732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142343729881814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601707861969858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761346253370169,0.0,0.0,0.07035831066009256 bpd,nonenone15,2020/03/04,"Any advices on socializing, but being full of anxiety? (Might be triggering) Let me explain. So, I previously thought that I just have social anxiety and stuff, but then I realised that sometimes I can just switch and be „mr. do not care about anything/anybody“ and it made me question everything, as what i felt was not really looking for me like a simple social anxiety. Then I read about BPD, especially a quiet type and really understood some things about me and what happened in my life before. I now think that I used to be a really loud type in my childhood (I‘m undiagnosed and I know that children are sometimes just children, but in my case I had agression outbursts after some triggers and many other things, so it‘s pretty complicated for me to think that I was like all other children), but after some situations I think I just internalized everything, became a quiet type and with it also developed this constant anxiety feeling (like i’m afraid I will lose control/people will find out my true self/etc, i don‘t know really). But I used not to really care when I was a child :(. Nowadays, 80% of the time I‘m in my „shy guy/a bit a victim“ mode, with this constant internal anxiety and fear (maybe because it‘s also not that energy consuming and very easy to be in or it’s just who i am without a mask :( ) However, of course, it is only internal and most people (according to the feedback i heard) perceive me as very closed/tough as I also try to keep the distance most of the time to not hurt anyone. Now I‘m in a new social group and really want to try starting everything from a new page (I never really realised that I did it my whole life lol), but at least now I know about BPD and can try my best to self-regulate and try to have a pretty normal life. So, I know that it is better to be as true as you are with people, but I‘m completely unable to start communicating normally while having this constant anxiety and fear. On the other side, I’m pretty sure, the worst thing i can do is like „yo hello guys, honestly, I‘m BPD, so that is why you speak to me for the first time in your life but already know about all my problems I ever had and how broken I am“ (i’m really sorry if this line sounds offending, i just perceive myself like that currently) I was thinking about creating a persona for some time and later slowly opening up to people who will understand (some of them will, I believe, just not at once), but the problem is that after becoming a quiet type It‘s very hard for me to develop and keep the images I want people to perceive, because after some time I get just stuck on these feelings of fear and anxiety and come back to the „shy guy“ mode, and for other people it looks funny and strange (I think, I don‘t know really) So, maybe somebody could give me an advice on this topic? I know it sounds complicated, but I thought that maybe somebody here feels similar and has any advices. Much love! 💕",7.8739285714285705,6.739715526595749,8.22918946301925,71.94000000000003,63.06028368794326,11.461398176291794,35.213779128672755,10.608840637214634,3.6418928064842966,2303,85,423,48,28,763,235,564,0.11800000000000001,0.7509999999999999,0.131,0.9362,2,0,0,0,0,0,73.0,0,3,1,4,30,25,2,4,23,1,40,5,0,6,7,113,89,53,0,8,27,0,5,5,0,5,4,8,0,6,41,29,0,2,26,1,0,1,10,11,0,1,14,15,58,14,64,62,18,49,0,2,2,1,24,18,0,12,35,312,99,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610389418792868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06061965534429585,0.13178910039789976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471230711567586,0.0,0.2941638224366324,0.0,0.0,0.0384102558789348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04223989376552044,0.0,0.06697298876692591,0.060668906257736764,0.04674372405353664,0.061890397747052385,0.05764853178681991,0.04858355309597752,0.0599723352753048,0.0,0.20755762591408064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201519890270402,0.0,0.0,0.04731969983608683,0.057595942979099875,0.17808836180570875,0.061611749877055935,0.043859330761053125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06126453679373545,0.0,0.04968981711291698,0.0,0.0,0.14811004018765356,0.0,0.0,0.18544384706457,0.08332694646214553,0.039243967401247,0.05274405437058427,0.0,0.05020753808564492,0.0467257688794241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028700094481494118,0.05269649909164875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16317617631699144,0.04857684919039287,0.0,0.04920895388905474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058806644759170225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765350397974476,0.0,0.0,0.2113272185498581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617245843242742,0.15520250282623993,0.13418683385028327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225934925574007,0.061455695722942925,0.0,0.0,0.049578951371873785,0.05197869603675879,0.0,0.05569318621583718,0.1655619917777164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05827496653988031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0403818917133195,0.0,0.042367523107866144,0.106108784042539,0.0,0.0,0.10764486286606847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05850158567835561,0.0,0.04177883155339016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285007120123981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765906554339,0.0,0.10512644537177933,0.0,0.0,0.06153725167627954,0.0,0.05494761533750407,0.0,0.3167219351400667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461367676461087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061746712316913976,0.0,0.2239880821247917,0.0,0.0,0.1086597882694716,0.06149271594056105,0.07776336602818229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288485592455179,0.0,0.0,0.05177346654195186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094846340805404,0.17599343977979218,0.0,0.0872209345159853,0.1601586406988462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918292481372564,0.0,0.0,0.05718692980270695,0.0,0.09488851673379692,0.0,0.13597581471315948,0.064801518128255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04956826241148249,0.06133045334016843,0.0,0.05295321048433351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,postingfromanalt,2020/03/04,"I totally did all of it I’m posting from an alt bc I cant even bear to be honest enough to put this on my regular anon account. My ex left me under what were for me extremely painful circumstances. I have spent the past almost-year trying to understand. Last night I understood. I started the whole relationship based on a lie. I told them they were the only person I loved. I said that because they were going to leave me otherwise. I wanted us to be together. I said I was over my past. You can see where this is going. He looked at some personal stuff when I was away and saw that my previous ex and I talked about our breakup. It was a very long relationship that I ended for the ex that this story is about. I hope this is clear. The previous ex and I confessed we still had feelings for each other. It was a very emotional conversation for me. But for my recent ex, it was devastating. It meant that I was lying when I told him we could finally be together. What my ex said was that I manipulated them and hurt them over and over for a long period of time. My experience in the relationship was exactly opposite. I was getting hurt and trying everything I could to solve our problems. I guess the reason I’m posting is because I feel horrible realizing this. I’ve spent so long obsessing over this relationship bc I couldn’t understand how their perspective was so different from mine. I didn’t believe it could be a case of “two sides to the story”. So I totally did all of it. I did every classic borderline behavior, including not seeing the harm I was causing others, not seeing past my own experience bc I was overwhelmed with my own emotions. There is no chance of forgiveness. It would be cruel of me to try to reach out in any way. So how to cope when you know you’re everything that people say you are ?",2.7010187315149534,4.941483189944137,4.5025041077883685,81.53591521524812,77.43575418994412,8.569306605323694,25.892540256325997,9.247498795725024,2.4194003286230688,1434,55,281,39,34,485,175,358,0.102,0.825,0.07200000000000001,-0.9291,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,5,3,6,0,15,12,1,2,15,0,39,2,0,5,6,45,68,16,0,8,3,6,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,2,26,11,0,0,11,0,3,3,6,8,0,1,30,11,59,4,39,28,10,39,1,3,5,1,39,15,0,3,18,212,85,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808356179107442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05981875520045408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264537587226234,0.0,0.0,0.10724446814066932,0.0,0.0,0.09910566799543734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036358930269796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106970595344423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190399395470147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19789604454092535,0.07791027985744403,0.09089065869084716,0.0,0.05809960489035122,0.0,0.07411373492628898,0.0,0.15811332079460916,0.17209197136075802,0.0,0.0,0.08895480819606659,0.0,0.0,0.09636061479141696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04595772750961365,0.0,0.09998430235371253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690261756918606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736841942842265,0.0,0.0,0.1883352514633183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04834289075619266,0.07170266265029583,0.0,0.0931415156650178,0.09557349293807048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335369699616529,0.07386787587134179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939123471632352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254855707555707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690083049861778,0.0936002402648668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25191569538077363,0.06098338494547347,0.1536141055824138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16849100926288713,0.0,0.0,0.08416997605296729,0.0,0.08842843924575991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044197317392128,0.08685415561197969,0.3777630472316417,0.0,0.0,0.2510226407721758,0.06995275926779773,0.0,0.0,0.21028852691529554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06226159966926171,0.0,0.07024842096047049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006981030994644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070238977602569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051292703390184116,0.0,0.0,0.1681073580794139,0.0,0.17916600097163132,0.0,0.08592836061281983,0.18314792229543814,0.10581024827803373,0.0,0.0,0.1451595555899547,0.05188363603241684,0.06982198418587512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820902382276052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06248733033619031,0.0,0.0,0.05664613916953432 bpd,040612,2020/03/04,"DAE feel tired about always having to keep your emotions in check and constantly distracting your self A series of toxic relationships slowly built up all these negative thought and emotions in me, that and the fact that i’ve been a lone since 15 (study abroad with no family) means that i have so much on my mind but I can’t say it because i dont want to hurt any one’s feelings like they did me. I feel stuck in this shell of a person and just want to break free and die but at the same time i know that’s not right for my family so im caught constantly distracting myself from all these demons that have always been chasing me. Im tired of it. I don’t want to do this anymore.",5.420797872340425,5.039063375886529,5.678076241134755,85.74562500000002,67.72340425531914,9.319503546099293,26.84485815602837,8.841846274778883,1.6058007092198578,540,13,119,8,8,172,89,141,0.18600000000000005,0.737,0.077,-0.8803,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,1,0,4,6,0,2,5,0,10,2,0,0,3,25,22,9,1,3,4,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,11,6,0,1,6,0,2,1,6,4,0,1,6,4,15,3,17,16,4,12,1,2,0,0,7,7,0,0,4,76,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24039986781312805,0.0,0.0,0.09823582617772836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326269136376718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805974727730331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122137530841749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992373092928846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16930272208870892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32498973553757204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723627185233298,0.0,0.2191256499656055,0.1032002278870722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464438338687508,0.0,0.3120770553977716,0.0,0.0,0.12840016608973814,0.0,0.0,0.07938988026982888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057447424316178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573562022834129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586055703195822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619263808666864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788791391411024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613442492971388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509293414690967,0.0,0.12336563002446252,0.0,0.11487813608049954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15070032853899515,0.0,0.0,0.11949646006913996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468285337388015,0.08423413488861194,0.33206452243719764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556137368791486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheHermitess86,2020/03/04,"Panic attacks over new relationship Hi everybody. I am new to the board. Been struggling probably most of my life with BPD but only recently Got the answer that, yes, I have it and I’m not just crazy. Anyway, long story short, I recently got into a new relationship with this guy.... it was completely unexpected because I was feeling like I was gonna be alone forever. I didn’t go looking for it... it just happened. By all appearances, Things Are going absolutely great. He is the exact opposite of my ex who I got out of a seven-year relationship with last year. He’s positive, he’s encouraging of my goals, we can talk about anything, and I feel like he doesn’t judge me and vice versa. But there’s this intense nagging sensation in the back of my head that keeps telling me that he is going to suddenly end things, or that he’s suddenly going to realize what a loser I am. It gets me worked up into this panic attack and I start shaking. I haven’t told him about how I get the really bad anxiety. I try to keep a brave face in front of him. I don’t know what to do to stop these feeling in my head because it’s destroying the happiness that he’s brought back into my life. I was really a wreck before I met him, trying to overcome everything that my ex had put me through. But before things get too serious with the new guy, I just don’t know if I could spend the relationship with him with this constant doubt",3.848519266363789,5.149094000000002,5.426845027763758,80.15737338044758,71.89752650176678,9.206730607437322,28.31717987548377,9.606745405546679,2.5840494363116275,1114,42,222,27,21,378,149,283,0.168,0.696,0.136,-0.8295,0,1,0,0,0,0,33.0,1,0,0,3,11,18,4,5,13,1,21,5,3,1,2,41,47,10,0,2,9,2,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,23,15,0,3,7,0,1,9,6,12,0,0,13,4,34,6,33,31,2,36,0,1,1,0,27,10,0,5,19,145,57,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482765835917743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004249305089334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534537255301323,0.0,0.0,0.20832348395090894,0.0,0.14080665723777006,0.07644805917404743,0.11162720633060956,0.0,0.15582017245024066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531553421750244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599801844156393,0.09894290556226673,0.0,0.07310252468237356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109422365277587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228745309644807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388851597768782,0.1308197387330603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435076182523242,0.0,0.20814068160644733,0.0,0.21968462992445,0.10094427732937182,0.0,0.18131589105140866,0.0809654469257425,0.09746640923507917,0.0,0.0,0.1879321890887894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276394466416946,0.0,0.0,0.10063701997162902,0.07463292099710075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934185949431173,0.08946234393800273,0.0,0.0,0.08102695950570545,0.07688661955298744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537135596867963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963485333306753,0.0,0.21484985132544185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871624091565516,0.0,0.0,0.09204222655319336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173102617910934,0.0,0.1808072139712104,0.3932010139869867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648060319870137,0.0,0.0,0.07654754249099456,0.0,0.09571749487945116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359177017171174,0.0800267257740017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824834767501857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748868389841072,0.0,0.12432529468812847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665614586798786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792217117653125 bpd,StrangerSkies,2020/03/04,"Almost canceled a vacation and invited myself to a guy’s house in another country I’ve been trying to keep clear of the dating scene for a few months now. I had what I considered a slip up at the beginning of the year with a guy that I knew lived in another country and was going home soon. We spent a very intense night together, but he didn’t make more time to see me. He’s very up and down, in the exact way that gets me hooked. He didn’t make time to see me, but he texted me the entire ten hour plane ride back to his home country. When I asked (once) what we’re doing, he made it clear that we’re “just talking” but then wants to share very intimate emotional conversations and have sex via video chat. He’ll stay up late to keep talking, but won’t tell me I matter. He’ll text all day and tell me how amazing I am, but make no plans to see me. And honestly, I fucking love the instability. I have a trip planned to a different country, and found myself thinking that maybe I’d cancel that experience to see him. So I asked if he wanted to see me if the trip didn’t work out, and he said yes. But then was only interested in seeing me for a few days of the time I’d be there. But I woke up realizing how completely crazy it is to cancel a personally meaningful trip in order to invite myself over to stay with a guy I barely know, in another country. I just accepted a BPD diagnosis, I haven’t started DBT yet, but I will. Mostly I’m just working on identifying obsessive patterns of attempted attachment and trying to avoid them. Could use feeling like there are people out there who get what happened with my thinking in this situation.",7.292916666666668,5.643672171171173,8.012160285285287,74.68869087837841,64.52552552552552,11.568243243243243,34.626313813813816,10.550175099000144,3.353348498498498,1295,46,266,27,16,437,175,333,0.049,0.8,0.151,0.9863,1,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,1,5,14,10,1,2,20,1,18,3,0,7,4,57,55,25,0,5,13,0,1,1,0,4,0,1,2,4,12,15,0,3,9,2,1,5,6,3,0,1,13,8,31,7,41,36,5,46,0,0,6,3,29,17,1,4,21,164,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374418335613167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944976434956956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17503903958436834,0.0,0.0,0.07198590999592139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790768746530594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815593738088607,0.0,0.0,0.07474578071083404,0.0,0.0,0.1207508022177398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781013262026562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530683993513053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157566400201922,0.0,0.0,0.047335709866733536,0.06688020384026247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264651590113494,0.0,0.08654766722289198,0.0978223302211859,0.0,0.05320485787582617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27808747832178216,0.08278545190280459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187811530702771,0.0,0.09219416345219844,0.1080217723122044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16642268058946771,0.0,0.0,0.05144960901743627,0.0,0.10560436999957606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045736674423499865,0.0,0.08266577376215659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449325064499003,0.08858293430798765,0.18747078489861904,0.0,0.0940511412032693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472442007319265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785347586908396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969934831366407,0.0,0.0712001603183968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490243473085028,0.08174299827907945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905147182438199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44760511096488975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522974560645547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626279292934735,0.19956712951216488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049204768992566,0.16365125887784493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997234639072142,0.0,0.0,0.16376696719574532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711997641593553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085527230683158,0.0,0.23173218223275,0.11043579506791776,0.0743090396745611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630899024967078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060286459229715976 bpd,htownounou,2020/03/04,It’s my birthday Happy birthday to all my March 4 babies❤️ already having a super rough day because my boyfriend tried to break up with me and been avoiding me all day I need all the positivity I can today it feels super shitty to feel like this on my own birthday,5.977212121212119,5.35640369090909,7.007272727272728,77.47757575757578,66.63636363636364,8.06060606060606,32.878787878787875,6.42735559955562,1.9910606060606053,213,8,41,1,3,72,41,55,0.09300000000000001,0.638,0.26899999999999996,0.9062,0,2,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,3,9,6,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,8,4,6,5,4,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38852718927801705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21462368051561687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4541227889309522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560427622161066,0.2515248274495404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747939263967384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17200768660877122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26106161860545923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337290869454297,0.0,0.0,0.2390380732823013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,contrabandotando,2020/03/04,Gf problems Hello. My gf has bpd. We’ve been dating a couple months and I’ve been really good friends with her for like 6 years. I feel like I’m only her boyfriend 4/7 days of the week. I spend half our relationship worrying. She always told me if we dated she’d be like “obsessed” w me and I’d be her person you know but some days she just looks at me like I’m any other person and it really hurts. It’s like she tries to push me away and when I ask what’s up she just says nothing,-0.8926819407008075,1.2037422924528336,1.5005929919137486,97.78962264150944,93.0566037735849,4.538005390835579,14.175202156334233,6.1826913282559595,-0.7987741239892179,377,7,90,4,14,127,71,106,0.08900000000000001,0.76,0.151,0.6753,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,2,1,0,0,4,10,0,1,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,14,13,7,0,2,4,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,0,2,4,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,3,3,19,7,7,7,1,12,0,1,1,0,21,3,0,2,13,48,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050809654619807,0.0,0.0,0.12300578486296206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910000823544946,0.0,0.16994434756116367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278142175454052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200142203198324,0.0,0.2333075146886309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091459241861726,0.12922195010931609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974878245020125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517150203579268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936376421239282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940787300041933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4418484036498666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518951040901179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437807793929985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356090647542965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375687129544949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158779142071365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730793951094016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317549468190237,0.0,0.0,0.19419929402258596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384441849769528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284025263066946,0.0,0.12280682703622715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509241998737954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18369418563116516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648190913795968 bpd,Noteagro,2020/03/04,"Want to be the best possible partner for someone I love with BPD. Can you lovely people please give me tips and pointers as to wait I can do to be there for her? I understand that this will at times be a rocky and bumpy road, but at the same time I love this woman. With what I have read it seems there is a constant tug of war battle going on in the brains of people with BPD. One side seeks constant love and attention while the other says you don’t deserve it. But from what I have experienced with her there is a love and passion that burns within her that shows how truly amazing she is and with every fiber of my body and every ounce of my soul I want to show her the love she deserves. So please help me learn more about BPD and what I might be able to do to help her. One question I do have is can you please explain what splitting is exactly? I have seen it around, and not entirely sure of its meaning in this community. Thank you in advance all you lovely people.",4.967948073701841,5.018485723618088,5.227248743718594,87.12251465661646,68.64824120603015,8.040368509212731,27.136097152428807,7.492282038375204,1.2357735343383585,765,21,165,7,12,242,106,199,0.047,0.665,0.28800000000000003,0.996,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,5,0,2,7,14,2,0,8,0,22,10,2,1,3,33,40,14,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,15,14,0,1,7,3,0,2,2,2,0,2,1,3,26,12,29,33,4,17,1,0,1,8,27,10,0,3,5,123,41,2,0.09964642342392653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870644311587975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457277368763228,0.0,0.0,0.11068471274583794,0.3765035460420476,0.11123836359192923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21536476736160173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791281889931967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558992922871608,0.0566313587845464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358179432920064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6295435131734791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854416745868227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057091082590676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504599076352095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072468500420544,0.0,0.0,0.3281455489803649,0.0,0.11233637026023534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162679939012256,0.0,0.09967338916127592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924283542128573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071436142721087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844300912022267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391557481006914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174103876954692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620926166760333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037354410041754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754808457047825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,YuriDaily,2020/03/04,"Getting off Meds Hi Guys, &#x200B; just felt like sharing my experiences. I am now 20 days out of meds and my head is finally starting to clear up and dam I forgot how much of a BIATCH BPD is. Anyone here come off meds and have any advice on how to cope with the overflow of emotions?",4.0915517241379336,4.968460741379314,4.916724137931039,85.63818965517244,70.89655172413794,7.179310344827586,28.29310344827586,7.1686216300943375,1.4121586206896546,225,8,46,2,4,73,46,58,0.0,0.868,0.132,0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,4,1,1,2,1,12,9,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,2,11,7,1,11,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,5,30,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852923868055108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20545088158880115,0.2304064652633181,0.12894665303613614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258522267775133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238817067825332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16333900403024115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228783866057305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132945804967933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18548266047160988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18206289007011087,0.20771710678732566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906751024244743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18775150175934646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946026381126043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263771271161662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6318681177384794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939095125621395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421250347192373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304064652633181,0.0 bpd,LesBPD,2020/03/04,"Back on the horse again. After my last FP broke up with me, I was okay. I cried a bit but kept it together. I think I knew it was coming so it was okay. Been a stressful and yet productive month. Then I met someone who reminds me too much of another prior FP and I haven't been able to shake the feeling at all. I crave her admiration and I have to stop myself from analyzing every choice of word, hers or mine, or wanting to look into what she does... These episodes are less frequent but they're still here.",1.1862150349650342,3.4018985480769253,2.6203496503496524,93.11555944055945,82.75,5.7048951048951055,20.993006993007,6.980632752743323,0.3971461538461543,395,12,87,5,11,128,79,104,0.122,0.7809999999999999,0.09699999999999999,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,2,4,2,8,0,0,0,1,18,16,9,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,8,2,16,3,12,8,4,17,0,1,1,0,5,4,0,2,11,64,22,0,0.2650452686577476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779230739103428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038034513297438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893607872515221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283130302366939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911397820535231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23194290071094156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233120701528547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401485155262044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21604726907683716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22257127231584534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21155660476325305,0.0,0.19483876896291927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22457199602930333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21166549392300807,0.22158971253938956,0.303608459752963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169830306096998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563305665404602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jynntu,2020/03/04,"Advice for asking for support at work? I started working at a movie theater about a month ago and it's the first job I've been able to keep in months and a job I actually enjoy. I work as an usher cleaning theaters and I work the door, tearing tickets. Those shifts are chill and I don't mind doing them. However, just this past week I have been trained on concessions, and I can't stand it back there. I've tried to work fast food jobs and I can't deal with the fast paced high stress environment, it makes me either dissociate and be unproductive or have meltdowns and need to leave. It's company standard for all employees to work all three areas so I'm worried to ask for accommodation in fear that it'll ruin the good impression I have with the managers/staff. I want to go in and talk to them before the next schedule is made. Is there a way I can go about effectively communicating how I feel without oversharing or invalidating myself?",4.9072765072765065,6.116238513513515,5.778378378378379,78.98103950103953,69.27027027027026,8.71933471933472,29.90644490644491,9.057496981413335,2.40351975051975,755,29,147,14,13,248,117,185,0.076,0.8370000000000001,0.086,0.1978,5,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,8,8,7,0,2,11,0,15,1,0,4,2,28,28,14,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,8,11,1,1,2,1,0,2,4,3,0,2,3,1,16,4,23,23,3,24,0,1,0,0,6,8,0,2,12,94,24,9,0.12748290897145545,0.0,0.12440492952543795,0.0,0.0,0.12457482321516378,0.11300590692461747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383586219211644,0.0,0.0,0.09802648794869824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847856597479368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142928139382232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345371495129064,0.06445918920879566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843689724644577,0.1541528395575242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490295002653653,0.1069266156596078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469269262573347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795213486558503,0.1133126669796758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498599352184007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062741087657668,0.08509583165945807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872139676891906,0.0,0.20351128336623944,0.0,0.0,0.09452696167226,0.0,0.0,0.13557951995321268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169686160507917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023305912092768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603124150701335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466609435998742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024659332644906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655252699369596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519272267964322,0.10118999930056337,0.10225909992637286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228889750102676,0.0,0.5568544562720249,0.12946508222817504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,xwaveyx,2020/03/04,"Obsessing over his ex I got into an impulsive relationship last year after a week of dating. 2 1/2 months later i was pregnant. (Important to mention i am 21) We stayed together & now have a happy healthy 8 week old. He knows about my BPD and fully supports me but i find myself obsessing over his ex, who he also happens to have a child with. I cannot even have a conversation with him anymore without bringing her up. I am convinced he is going to leave me & or cheat on me. (With her only) Its devastating me & hurting our relationship. I dont know what to do anymore and i feel extremely out of control. I feel like i am going to push him away with obsessing over the thought of him leaving me for her.",2.5730173347778944,4.637238739436622,4.541830985915492,81.95511917659806,77.09859154929578,7.467822318526544,28.528710725893827,8.384062270229773,2.2466905742145182,559,25,108,11,13,191,92,142,0.154,0.759,0.087,-0.8957,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,2,0,0,1,5,9,1,3,6,0,11,0,0,1,0,19,22,5,0,0,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,9,0,1,6,0,0,4,3,5,0,0,3,2,27,4,24,19,0,23,0,1,0,0,21,8,0,1,11,78,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479194471570887,0.0,0.4665890221253952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847138053630767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486414843720373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078842216326887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160996605129823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823229343712715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094809342390625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516014150991013,0.10254773701499867,0.0,0.0,0.13119645521909293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163158527040434,0.0,0.11480510955460052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693533008172286,0.15280507053190198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366663313725554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777586407020888,0.1170073756329512,0.0,0.3039843684352824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012826204782201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457531135171213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062509730515874,0.0,0.0,0.10917154698265408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30822469580562106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529986179687109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289183114729827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395776277532366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302843954165471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837112459416512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243751680871208 bpd,the1wtheFlippityHair,2020/03/04,"Self diagnosis? What are your opinions on self diagnosis? I think we can all agree that everyone should be very careful about self diagnosing anything, but is BPD something that only a psychiatrist can confirm, or if one meets the dsm-5 requirements for diagnosis can one say they have bpd?",9.13453333333333,10.17685592,8.61,63.01833333333335,59.8,12.266666666666667,40.66666666666667,11.855464076750405,5.313666666666666,236,12,37,7,3,75,41,50,0.0,0.925,0.075,0.4091,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,0,1,9,10,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,1,3,8,1,1,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,3,0,26,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661478839703913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5085762097910566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058522243378477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20492596071436497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19292571273501602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736276146081208,0.15355532980790898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056032399421222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6318824730747685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15543378146790124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937044759080354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16659003533480446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BPD-is-killing-me,2020/03/04,The Invisible Man may trigger you if you've spent any amount of time in a psych hospital. Just a heads up. Don't spend your money just to re usher out of the theater like I did.,2.1320175438596465,3.371234131578952,3.944736842105264,89.3414912280702,76.10526315789474,7.171929824561403,23.19298245614036,7.793537801064563,0.8728666666666669,139,4,32,2,3,47,33,38,0.0,0.9279999999999999,0.07200000000000001,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,3,1,1,1,0,6,4,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,6,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,2,19,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4698940319190754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7091507696535123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375807538147085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029193707437745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LngWait,2020/03/04,"I split on my mom she betrayed my trust and i haven’t been able to look at her the same. i feel like she died (i finally really understand the expression dead to me) and i’m sad about it but i also hate her so much i said i hope she dies while i’m out of town (not to her face). we were just getting close before she had to pull that shit too. now for the past month every time she says “love you” or calls me a pet name or tried to give me a hug i recoil. she noticed finally and called me on the phone tonight. i tried to tell her what she did but all i could get out was that she broke my trust (and like half the story) because i didn’t want to cry. she doesn’t even remember it happening tho so i won’t get a meaningful apology. i got 3 sorrys. i didn’t say anything back when she apologized this time though !! i just said we can still be friends i just can’t trust her. i just hope by finally telling her how mad i am she’ll feel like shit. i know she’s going to turn this into me being a crappy person and guilt me into forgiving her or withholding attention/help so i’ll have to really commit to cutting her out of my life bc we live in the same house for now",0.6433595800524969,2.353410311023623,2.6138779527559066,95.1724442257218,81.71653543307087,6.595538057742782,19.24475065616798,7.645422480735847,0.3283522309711291,905,22,220,15,24,303,141,254,0.157,0.644,0.19899999999999998,0.9084,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,3,1,0,0,19,20,5,1,10,0,18,6,3,1,2,42,40,19,3,4,10,1,2,3,1,2,1,4,1,1,7,14,0,1,7,0,0,2,7,8,0,1,10,7,53,12,25,25,4,27,0,2,1,2,43,11,2,5,17,147,60,0,0.11356026033922803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081409916508863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345041829792217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732083054432734,0.0,0.06922528067456445,0.0,0.09663141744029384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23191544520923305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066862739838938,0.0,0.12474061360362165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357152427584322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500548094173726,0.0,0.09567941714966677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483895946311365,0.1622549453535148,0.0,0.3731991432598545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773637543968205,0.0,0.17799164700104594,0.10893734944043043,0.06453891294800976,0.0,0.09082451412048954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042096317946024,0.0,0.0,0.11211724663167258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761170487578323,0.0,0.0,0.22558192368831606,0.0,0.13103329353905985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062409749225063524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021097025348188,0.16643942115429736,0.0,0.10027579039995413,0.0,0.0953620178025456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249256864473308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300040441545935,0.0906427163746917,0.0,0.0834798577603549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292891090685488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840611810508807,0.0,0.09915643910477978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454992212999286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864163771460818,0.0,0.2160436252411167,0.18061535399371004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331359506668532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712141413431485,0.0,0.0,0.09068937059867588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19851334581514354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157237920635714,0.0,0.13243580206245287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541999249581441,0.12352095359942715,0.0,0.11822023593081805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698078379296785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,antiakar,2020/03/04,"Bpd help I was diagnosed with BPD traits about a year ago and now have been diagnosed with full blown bpd and major depressive disorder. It doesn’t help that I also have major depressive disorder. Life has become a living hell for me and I’m so tired of living. I often wish I would get cancer or co-vid 19 so I can slowly wither away and all the pain would end. I haven’t had a job in so long and have never worked full time. I spend most of my time hating myself and staying in my room sleeping. I was referred to a day program at a hospital and I don’t even have the strength to go to it. I went only one day. My parents have given up on me and have no grasp on mental illness. To them, everything is normal and I’m acting and just need to do things. I’m almost positive that they themselves have mental illnesses they don’t even seek support for because my mom has never worked in her life, has no friends and is fully dependant. Also, my dad has no friends or a social life, hasn’t worked in over 5 years. I’m also almost positive he is autistic because he says the wrong thing at the wrong time and is completely unaware of emotions (at all). His IQ is also really low as he never finished high school. Also, my parents have went as far to think that there are freaking demons inside of me. My only support is my cousins who have literally told me that I’m 99% evil and 1% good. They look at it as an obligation to help me and have said that they need to live their own lives and don’t really love me. I’m sick of seeing people live their lives and prosper in ways I never will. I’m so freaking jealous of them and sometimes wish I didn’t have to be around their happiness and success. This makes me isolate myself and stay in my room depressed. So many people in my life have jobs, are in amazing relationships, , amazing friendships and a supportive family. They are also very talented and mature. On a good day i want to kill myself 50% of the day and on a bad day it’s 90% of the time. I have no sense of self and am so desperately lonely. I’m here on redit looking for people who understand and a little bit of support. I’m so sick of feeling empty and depressed all the time. Waking up is the absolute worst part of the day, I haven’t woken up rejuvenated in years and hate getting up in the morning. There was a time I slept 18 hours of the day and now I have been sleeping 12-15. Life is really getting useless. Not to mention, my psychiatrist has given up on me. No medicine has alleviated my symptoms as I have been on at least 9 different pille.. He says it’s up to me and I haven’t shown progress and have only been getting worse and worse. He has also said Im treatment resistant . I’m sick of this and looking for someone to talk to and advice.",3.249948045522021,4.566259173758869,4.714710539336963,84.62197674418606,73.39716312056738,7.4450931881906675,26.414151410192968,7.97965635744439,1.549478030677882,2170,75,441,31,43,726,236,564,0.19,0.685,0.125,-0.9913,5,2,0,0,0,1,53.0,0,0,10,6,25,35,6,0,23,0,58,22,4,2,7,65,102,52,1,8,4,5,1,0,2,3,17,4,2,1,16,35,0,0,5,0,1,4,19,20,0,1,18,9,55,15,70,80,13,73,2,7,4,1,40,39,1,7,27,300,71,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054986971276396165,0.04988048465775918,0.0,0.11269373928761507,0.0,0.0,0.3149970047920095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05009275696138958,0.0,0.0,0.052868073522995516,0.0,0.04698359391746591,0.06860406122852875,0.06214644793677001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061432912536773375,0.0,0.21261252243366535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05899864514638991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540291369476309,0.0,0.19386311383136487,0.11422693283935713,0.0,0.058790792082111076,0.12898194703440358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329684221456275,0.049839042538409296,0.0,0.0,0.07433239066508941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050572379764201016,0.0,0.05304690620761927,0.0,0.02845210207043176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694903962801454,0.0,0.11759624740207685,0.0,0.03197987420464732,0.0943942057024155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059901091559026724,0.0,0.11111111977794402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315097510545608,0.05945296994529576,0.0,0.0,0.0554151982979659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06078189547009372,0.0,0.11167975978192757,0.0,0.062255072894894785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19872791633517609,0.0,0.05639791602494069,0.29812778210368096,0.04979770321069703,0.14175937557315765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05078640625400898,0.0,0.037561057125627115,0.05704954829565573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341504355532453,0.0,0.0,0.06590343729216426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344786197031295,0.1735973981694871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05513323280748751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038130409451149073,0.12838896265716382,0.05987587728733219,0.0,0.12496366653842585,0.06093556763493716,0.0,0.11703283014750628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814514642803603,0.0,0.0,0.06041355715467255,0.0,0.0,0.10705243770518047,0.08949726663043854,0.0,0.05694884327378945,0.04484037646656999,0.0,0.05870249964317877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262245994908715,0.05736078224770282,0.04767789001861114,0.0,0.05565305434897322,0.0,0.0,0.11995392811830699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554208039774367,0.0,0.058486690739834465,0.0,0.04522817037831317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476736197020127,0.03605592326330473,0.0,0.0,0.19687100835865975,0.06467476779534001,0.0,0.05376896210403612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058579670788023015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04642913155453839,0.03318985309767055,0.04466497676973091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432680511797952,0.0,0.0,0.12941680758288265,0.0,0.0,0.12289698352321593,0.0,0.11468908121121482,0.07994602818614988,0.12304611774969493,0.0,0.10870924908264193 bpd,vitamin-cheese,2020/03/04,"Do I have BPD So a little backstory, I was on antidepressants for as long as I could remember. Also took a lot of ADD meds. I always felt great , although did abuse drugs sometimes it wasn't really to feel better or happier, mostly for fun. Anyway stopped taking everything a few years ago And ever since I've had these issues that I am now thinking may be BPD. In the past I've though it was bipolar but BPD seems to fit better. Ive haven't been told I have anything besides anxiety but im not sure my doctor wants to give diagnosis, as I've heard some doctors don't like to put labels but rather just try to treat. Ive told my doctor all of the things im about to say but he never says anything This is what goes on. Lately it has gotten more mild. From day to day or a every few days or even multiple times a day, sometimes I have much more confidence than others. How I see myself always changes, sometimes I think there are things wrong to me and other times I don't see a problem with those same things or don't care. Its like how I see myself changes, sometimes even my perception of myself or even others. Its like I feel not good enough or just small inside, but some days its gone. I can never decide on a way to dress. Ive narrowed it down to two styles for each of my two ''modes"" as I call them. But I go back and forth and when I feel comfortable in one style I won't in the other, and even beat myself up about it thinking why I would even dress the other way. I also get paranoid sometimes about people looking at me and what other people think. Im not sure if this is just low self esteem and anxiety or something to do with possible BPD. Sometimes I calm myself down and tell myself to ignore it but its not the same as when I just feel confident. (getting into older symptoms which have since gotten for more mild in the past several months) Sometimes I don't even know who I am, if someone where to ask me to describe myself I would not really know what to say. This has improved recently but up until several months ago I really didnt know who I was at all. Sometimes I get a little bit moody and sometimes angry and see things more negatively, but this has improved too. But before it was really bad where my mood would just switch all the time , day to day, or sometimes a week or thought the hours, and my perception would completely change, and I never knew what to think or what kind of opinion to have because it would just go back and forth from positive to negative. There were even times where I questioned reality, it felt like being on psychedelic drugs. For a while I though LSD could have caused this problem but who knows. But these symptoms have gotten much more mild. Every day was hell where I worked but mostly inside my head, just never stopping thinking. I see there are also relationship issues involved with BPD, which hasn't been any negative thing in my life. I have all my friends from when I was on meds and this never happened. But since this has happened I haven't made many new ones, I really don't want too. This may just be because I don't have the time right now though and I really don't feel any need, if I wanted too I probably would. and I have formed new relationshipsand met people, although I am ready to give them up at any time. One thing is I am not sure sometimes if I am capable of loving. I haven't had any relationships in a long time but not necessarily because I avoid them, but if I did have one I always wondered how much I could love them. I also have never wanted children and don't know if I could love them, nor feel the need to want that anyway. If you told me you could give me the ability to have a kid and love them I wouldn't really see the point. I probably would care about my kid though at least. I do tend to not like to form strong emotional attachments to people or things, but to me the way I see it this is just being rational and im not really sure why anyone would want to. To me it seems like a positive ability to have. Additionally, I think the problems get worsened by other drugs and alcohol. I still take an ADD med every once in a while or a Xanax but I don't like to because I don't want my mood to switch again because of it. I stay away from drinking alcohol because the hangovers will make me in a horrible mood and sometimes drinking it makes me feel worse and more self conscious instead of better. I feel like marijuana also causes it to switch. So does anything think I have BPD, or is it just depression and anxiety? Like I said It has been a little better lately and I've gotten better at controlling it but I still feel it to a degree and no matter how good I think i'm doing the negative thoughts about myself will eventually come back here and there. If so could this be caused by a traumatic situation I had at work and with a coworker right after I stopped taking my meds? Thanks for the help",4.7801551395939095,5.39025909847716,5.494780298223351,83.0801146097716,69.18274111675127,8.552189086294417,27.0657519035533,8.614154594646255,1.762251586294416,3872,115,786,59,64,1259,317,985,0.133,0.738,0.129,0.6925,1,1,8,0,1,0,74.0,0,2,6,10,66,49,1,1,38,0,96,20,1,11,15,203,184,97,0,36,60,0,11,9,1,14,13,5,0,5,61,37,4,6,37,2,0,6,39,11,0,6,35,24,107,35,96,124,28,107,1,2,8,4,42,40,1,33,66,581,168,5,0.0,0.03837215138076072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057416525511865185,0.0692216366456003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949548796412155,0.08084331749396971,0.0,0.0,0.08809444760751041,0.0,0.07432567608080105,0.0,0.0,0.022645066152748538,0.0,0.0799528330679702,0.0,0.030276567546240887,0.0,0.030427742563283695,0.07470857717950256,0.02704098343581014,0.11845334479321208,0.0,0.027558127359382626,0.0,0.0,0.143214064657839,0.03535715835699229,0.0,0.2447344367684611,0.0,0.033069759013070986,0.0,0.06603943481293369,0.09980812610665148,0.1027803808925664,0.027897698377585163,0.03395613773057269,0.0,0.03632368803139617,0.15514566468337784,0.0,0.0,0.16709048807805096,0.0,0.027894041370788655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944542628936302,0.02834123430514602,0.0,0.0,0.06345196252049061,0.11267254354460125,0.0,0.0,0.036429926260425925,0.0,0.03346342774612002,0.0,0.14973467800003112,0.02929501951735465,0.08185988470399479,0.0,0.02910647673984958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473781550080746,0.02313658728800404,0.06219133786302543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025021367506187074,0.0,0.0676814588449538,0.09320289703691496,0.03681145593784333,0.05432773315126472,0.0,0.0357057139277909,0.0,0.0,0.057277721183410235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033237411564862096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021707674164924272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03189371723882488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399298854396872,0.06760520520858396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03372506798417301,0.08899257938931264,0.0,0.07306570806289807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022875211731535408,0.14239961145016092,0.09737793467164084,0.0,0.05732123728241504,0.0271961097277088,0.0,0.0,0.027533445742759524,0.11691863101757813,0.030644445952039138,0.04323585485392272,0.032834352629414226,0.0,0.0,0.14389431981448775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05170044253148968,0.0,0.07142237834370352,0.04802766381083837,0.14986862360871173,0.06255726183143667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03449006645263171,0.08778245207724565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06183226301367618,0.08980958550549831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030615267743347756,0.036510384288892785,0.0,0.0,0.0698352388349939,0.09296717460112636,0.0,0.03255690661751843,0.03627976703565587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597856794357446,0.0,0.03197729890656442,0.06954095513372686,0.03668706027259897,0.05531498768634288,0.030806532167739875,0.07726401609746741,0.0,0.0,0.1806523178266448,0.058966053265856064,0.06757138771803277,0.0731739942812787,0.0,0.08037017947351302,0.03640325619122188,0.0,0.0,0.02744057929055884,0.02493234919368802,0.38436735770697583,0.0,0.0,0.03451920035114301,0.05172705298760151,0.08122851714933997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209380520608255,0.06732297398489498,0.07305079531642343,0.0,0.02830681889713081,0.029816706492999636,0.0,0.0,0.15061088133114187,0.18676495095175685,0.1272764455869819,0.05142178271981378,0.13219188736954413,0.0,0.0,0.09283872256580013,0.03598207249840955,0.02198798943122932,0.0,0.0632728935652263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371484280222587,0.07711957278828879,0.025978120876723517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05844671198873296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03512126953463346,0.04715483311898384,0.0,0.033004132790998016,0.1840488599265578,0.03540904126826856,0.0,0.020855542390158275 bpd,aliensrwatching,2020/03/04,"Trigger warning // NSFW Is anyone here also chronically suicidal? Like I've become so familiar with suicidal thoughts that they've become a part of daily routine. No matter how well I am in a certain situation it's still in the back of my mind just chilling there reminding me that I am shit and I should probably kms but just not now maybe tomorrow?",3.4088311688311705,6.184150878787882,5.2507792207792265,74.21045454545455,78.0909090909091,8.61991341991342,30.640692640692638,9.23628265651192,3.5190329004329013,282,14,46,8,7,96,54,66,0.18600000000000005,0.727,0.08800000000000001,-0.7657,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,11,4,1,0,3,0,4,2,1,2,1,13,5,5,2,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,5,3,5,3,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,5,36,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17713979712535186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548834823225441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032591139092293,0.0,0.0,0.4892761714223105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082175769621292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22253447019994407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236598462208794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398714828094556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388229936408817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22737468842078404,0.0,0.2489841738038736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689650458429032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4845874068799772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758525393822112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19916221483735005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chlxdine,2020/03/04,"i’m confused My girlfriend said she needed some space about two days ago and I was under the impression that she meant from everyone not just me, but then later that night she’s hanging out with her friends and stuff and i’m just confused if i did something and why i’m the only one she’s avoiding right now, I don’t know if she wants to break up with me or not but I had being left in limbo it just makes me so anxious. I said I was sorry if i did anything and she said i didn’t do anything wrong, so why is it just me being singled out as the person she needs space from? I’m just confused, I understand needing space but I feel like I did something wrong.",0.730952380952381,2.8685768571428567,2.210000000000001,95.84166666666668,84.0,4.590476190476192,21.47619047619048,5.6839178017228535,-0.010966666666666569,520,17,115,3,15,168,75,140,0.16699999999999998,0.7709999999999999,0.062,-0.9322,0,1,2,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,9,9,0,4,3,0,12,0,0,1,0,37,28,16,0,7,14,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,1,5,9,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,6,0,2,11,4,24,3,12,15,2,18,0,0,0,0,14,10,0,8,7,83,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761896050818626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538729380517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25551356346527354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012282646463408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834716869998288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849860998887763,0.11090998850580212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994507002981875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532084558804291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16867860208037833,0.0,0.0,0.07584686862976038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362998019533716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34534572287476784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569076407283604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520080846091744,0.11807393681672225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555752642764254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325818836659581,0.4430323391383463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23903668488985155,0.0,0.17378865771714674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772307719222702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15165581273273188,0.16161978890286208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156994191335144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28017633171998896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394810402397885,0.0,0.0 bpd,kozmikkev,2020/03/04,"My partner shared a timeline of her dating life I don’t know if anyone else is like this. Although (quite naturally) hearing anything at all regarding a partners past life emotionally decimates me, I get an incredible urge to find out more; an insidious curiosity. I went out with my partner for a few drinks (new relationship) and on the walk home she came out with “here’s my dating life”. Immediately, a ridiculously intense sinking feeling emerged from the centre of my chest which was crippling. Oddly enough, this was quickly overshadowed by a feeling I know all too well. I needed to know absolutely every detail and I knew that if I didn’t find out it’s eat away at me piece by piece. She then proceeded to about her promiscuity a short distance before meeting me. The result was as expected. I completely split. Although I am wholly accepting of people’s choices to do whatever they want in their life, my affection towards her was completely muted by such a degree of repulsion. Again, promiscuity is completely fine. I know I am absolutely to blame for the detail I received but I can’t help but wonder if this is a problem any of you face? This impulsive curiosity has been the cause of such grief but I’ve never read or heard anything of the like.",4.5343572450439416,7.020297416309018,5.6521643163703255,74.30123032904152,72.69098712446352,8.901614551399959,31.69609646433681,9.48565724429506,3.439480032699775,1010,48,169,26,21,334,139,233,0.068,0.8340000000000001,0.099,0.24,1,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,2,1,8,9,1,0,16,0,15,8,2,3,3,37,30,13,1,7,7,0,2,2,3,0,4,2,1,3,7,9,2,0,11,2,0,4,4,3,1,0,10,4,29,6,32,20,7,24,0,1,0,0,18,11,0,5,11,126,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906189213590798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317597304246594,0.13653692901508985,0.2193173255595537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519877405946556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133913813551398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15240982135766756,0.0,0.13689102966628114,0.0,0.0,0.4191503993587696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054054047404934,0.0,0.13635456439942334,0.11131862286950588,0.14989551385207478,0.0,0.13768948258084646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227426405660283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475687919982318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435878703824124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962096889311538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018964725268355,0.0,0.08931895580089183,0.0,0.13366703397128998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929369292975695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764917438988437,0.13020469171458782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880793189884628,0.1027755504523878,0.12869986121257046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720831179858755,0.09238320901305554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275083778520616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173458394545926,0.13329246078370696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306750347251726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785980771028985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981350678904287,0.12353001756939885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451088114745886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,emlygrso,2020/03/04,"My partner doesn't totally ""get"" BPD But he has requested resources so he can educate himself. I have several books to lend him but am hoping people can drop some strong online resources he can access more conveniently.",6.5669230769230795,8.75949441025641,7.028717948717951,67.8246153846154,66.43589743589743,10.328205128205127,36.07692307692308,10.504223727775694,4.592446153846153,178,9,26,5,3,58,33,39,0.059000000000000004,0.759,0.182,0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,5,9,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,9,3,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,2,0,18,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5870628157318845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435288735435576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4629631167518906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231494646365546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5265838149507072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mormonnailer0,2020/03/04,"Giving up here Hey so I never really post in here as it sounds awful but I guess I don’t like to associate myself with having borderline even though I’ve had the diagnosis for about half my life now as well as having PTSD from ongoing abuse from my now estranged mother and social anxiety disorder. I hate admitting it but I feel a lot of shame in accepting and actually admitting that I have BPD so I really haven’t gotten much help for it in years other than taking my antidepressants daily. a little more background on me though- I am 23 as of yesterday, unfortunately didn’t have the opportunity to go to college as I was on my own at a young age but I really regret not being able to. I have unfortunately gone through at the very least 30 different jobs in my life – I’ve been hired for jobs that I really didn’t even qualify for just because I do incredibly well in interviews only to get fired from more than half of them. I started a job about a month ago that I I actually really like and not only that, but I am at the point in my life that it’s crucial for me to hold a job down. I developed a not so ‘work appropriate’ friendship with one of my coworkers who is considered a ‘lead’ at this job (you can probably figure out what I mean by that) and asked him for advice as I’m scared to lose yet another job.... he basically was very straightforward with me and told me that I made a bad impression and that he’s received feedback from our manager that was negative about me and that I don’t seem to be taking the job seriously but I can still fix it. I am the kind of person that I always thought I was very self-aware so hearing this made me realize I’m apparently not self-aware at all. This was all over the place but does anyone else on here who has bpd struggle with holding a job down and is a serial-job-hopper like me and if so, how did you fix it? I really want to better myself and don’t want to spend the rest of my life going from job to job. I have gotten fired from so many companies that I’m scared I’m going to run out of places to work at this point sadly :/",5.58994755244755,5.117657251748252,7.059571678321677,76.28628059440561,67.39160839160839,11.066083916083915,29.530011655011656,10.686352973137794,2.8900403263403263,1647,50,345,42,24,570,195,429,0.165,0.743,0.092,-0.9903,13,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,1,2,1,6,24,20,1,4,19,1,31,4,0,4,3,51,61,32,0,4,12,1,3,3,0,0,4,2,0,1,26,16,0,2,9,0,1,7,12,10,2,3,17,5,49,10,70,42,9,46,0,3,0,0,22,26,0,4,15,251,75,19,0.06470555373264368,0.0766655004427361,0.12628657310944122,0.0,0.0,0.06322951823360277,0.05735756927427984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05384020415939576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784941486983798,0.049499571498583576,0.0,0.0,0.04524362764892527,0.06629848634766645,0.0,0.0,0.0604909581323257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05402643461397245,0.03944390498018314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05722680403547354,0.0,0.0,0.1629887596019491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760353177552615,0.0741581704038884,0.0,0.05662426611446837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054053187308316514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547481597559982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03271707215157968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03380598120206287,0.06207146317429331,0.11032097197899697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071280462405138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388333827881985,0.0,0.0,0.0729278617130931,0.0,0.0433707687324562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7063130563381005,0.0,0.0,0.06738087705367182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828137846877161,0.09483559545001577,0.0648519635990015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238896358718003,0.0,0.05501034789099525,0.0,0.12245191891332954,0.0,0.06560127554665676,0.0,0.07048331709792623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05164735566240483,0.0,0.047566027109927064,0.0,0.04990491200947166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043846157802132066,0.0984229787151928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05649839370978985,0.1352070635510523,0.0,0.12233532592123222,0.0,0.061970034208787286,0.0,0.06976353085726654,0.0,0.07563732968876075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487122076091661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295630945229819,0.0,0.0,0.058905505947556634,0.13500400860011502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595916346790559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04579892396962254,0.0,0.05167393879446041,0.0,0.0,0.06764429384328248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730104740285664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271457560285638,0.05136898198323027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06182892948712832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016657502964934,0.07633002410920561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635612726050845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421282751358033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04166825514891116 bpd,lolyanne,2020/03/04,"Feel like my brain is constantly searching for an answer to a question that does not exist. Id really like for this quest to end considering I dont even know how it began. Its exhausting. Is it just me?",1.0504878048780526,3.536751121951223,3.4372682926829263,85.02419512195122,86.56097560975607,7.182439024390242,20.39512195121951,8.238735603445708,1.4133570731707317,160,5,32,4,5,55,35,41,0.06,0.8190000000000001,0.12,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,3,2,1,1,0,7,6,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,3,2,4,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629085979936509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513074233415741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844889547991961,0.0,0.3810037352561048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879337593478427,0.0,0.0,0.21471926019663454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643755636793064,0.2322447732627333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17866127934133802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176456700594736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641758468669803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20826134813384392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,smashmypumpkinss,2020/03/04,"Setting boundaries for myself Recently in like the past year ive learned that I need to set boundaries to stop my codependency tendencies. Ive been in a relationship with someone only 2 months and its moving way to fast. He wants me to move in ect. I just honestly have realized im settling with a lot of issues in the relationship because I dont want to be alone and I've invested time. I have to take a step back and work on myself and my own happiness. I still struggle a lot with my BPD where I split and feel absolutely nothing for the person. I dislike when this happens and I dissociate. I havent told him I have BPD and I was going to today and I realized I dont trust him enough to even tell him that so I dont think its going to work. I dont want to hurt anyone but I am hurting myself by not being honest with my truths. It seems silly maybe but I made a pros and cons list of the relationship and I think the cons severaly outweigh the pros and I dont want to do this. Being honest with myself over this is really hard because I dont trust my own fickle emotions but if I try to analyze things logically to back my emotions I feel more sound in making this choice.. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow and I plan on talking it out with her just to be sure but I just wanted to share. Thanks to everyone on here for making me not feel so alone or 'crazy' in my thoughts and behaviors.",2.967244377811096,4.439356600000004,4.708080959520244,83.76544977511246,74.3793103448276,8.077961019490255,26.05697151424288,8.716276077567194,1.840622188905547,1114,39,231,22,23,378,142,290,0.11,0.809,0.081,-0.6504,0,2,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,3,12,15,0,1,12,0,22,0,0,3,2,57,44,22,0,7,11,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,11,21,0,1,11,0,1,5,9,3,0,0,5,5,45,12,40,35,6,33,0,2,0,0,13,12,0,5,14,167,56,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758632210811127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05936460427571784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305669291005005,0.0,0.1035094634058686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21385913813632168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5970185399704845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19100391596615188,0.0,0.08772520832827749,0.0,0.05607616906081381,0.0,0.0,0.08112634027218245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878516659250058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650214752399178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507748550903089,0.09037846642994768,0.07605442889142225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817760967755193,0.0,0.09170741895211153,0.08861436365685255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04147823599843447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435922596476744,0.0,0.08033517742541997,0.11334386910651464,0.0,0.0852942519307194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776699814120117,0.18047220069702707,0.0,0.06295285774803483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146459486356747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457087424999629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104740786622665,0.0,0.07413209238704915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05438961812783612,0.0,0.08382928460397247,0.27345501584909754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729048778697366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193616126763948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780187812755271,0.07098085949417941,0.0,0.08875673645528796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001798693902176,0.0,0.06383482575165098,0.06824003656421429,0.0742070299462835,0.07816523784132594,0.0,0.09857635737430122,0.05640431032229905,0.10880199226560816,0.0,0.06740174132684477,0.04950633162346717,0.0,0.0804760188383274,0.08112634027218245,0.0,0.057642061303723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503834192275821,0.06739029287303873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361756812338658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05467332321292126 bpd,exxplosionz,2020/03/05,"Feeling excluded by my roommates Hi everyone, I'm posting because I need a little comfort. So the story is that I am living in a flat with 6 other people and we're getting along very well, it's like living together with your best friends. But my bpd ass sometimes gets me in situations where I think I'm not wanted or I am disliked. So theres this situation this evening. My roomies are chilling in another flatmates room and I am in the living room watching my favorite show. I'm already feeling a bit annoyed because no one's ever chilled in my room and I'm getting a bit jealous (yeah I know it's childish but sometimes I can't fight my irrational feelings). So I close the living room door and try to relax and distract myself. I manage to reassure myself and I'm telling myself that this has got nothing to do with or my personality, they're just chilling there because the situation was like that. To prove myself I knock on the door and try to open it but someone won't let me in. I ask what they're doing and so on and my one roommate shouts something like ""get out"" (jokingly, because we talk to each other like that sometimes) and the other roommates still not letting me in... feeling affirmed in my assumptions I get angry and shout ""okay well I'll just leave then"" and slam the door. I'm feeling so embarrassed, sad and angry but most of all I'm feeling as if I'm not welcomed in this community. I know that they like me, I really do. They are also not bad persons but in this scenario I'm just so angry... I almost cried because my feelings are so strong. I just want to tell them how shitty they are and that I hate them and I really want them to feel bad about that situation but I know that wouldn't help anything. After I rushed away they opened the door and shouted my name as if they wanted to apologize or something but I ignored them. Normally I love those little idiots but in this moment I really dislike them. I hate feeling this way sometimes and getting offended so easily but I guess that's the thing with bpd.... you can't control your emotions. If you read until now thank you for listening, comments are welcomed",2.9765123344270283,5.179296668246447,4.2608056872037965,83.78725057722689,76.39336492890995,6.5082999149349865,29.066958318143158,7.5161900641278425,1.9144978004617816,1702,77,315,23,39,559,189,422,0.16,0.66,0.18,0.7643,0,0,2,0,1,0,42.0,1,5,10,3,24,32,7,2,13,2,20,2,1,2,3,81,61,46,0,10,23,0,9,5,1,2,0,4,8,2,25,28,0,2,14,4,0,1,9,13,2,2,2,14,60,19,37,55,6,35,0,1,1,2,34,25,1,9,12,222,85,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557199218719292,0.0,0.0832826787351143,0.0603530832086835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913654947832635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06210512379986202,0.0,0.07055397176841698,0.0,0.07090625733937013,0.0,0.12602807626766505,0.2300281103433869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920078273431687,0.0,0.164786708316307,0.0,0.1901028632803224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464567378642973,0.0,0.0,0.08289990983267677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489324243833336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049847017963089824,0.06826665462740959,0.0,0.07211452223923599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34343768235419075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05830769468641085,0.0,0.2365787863485055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036000476244779,0.0,0.0831383712119499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902138714802327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050585741856336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244285024894456,0.0,0.0,0.07991150392891228,0.0,0.1543457409257481,0.0,0.18435339017622573,0.1512809104091617,0.2665644730262973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811434106109865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595981828913812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394427171057641,0.0724152022424399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228042918275546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052321179990190834,0.13179444326345516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227910053086331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549011239709394,0.0,0.14504344629268245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393243709903713,0.0,0.0,0.06394522277395588,0.11620050776529878,0.2985658096033196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06027019130515294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065967745994469,0.1319276696918588,0.06948235016804154,0.0,0.0,0.05013870806299565,0.04835792952441231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247793004975672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06227039743783415,0.17805591223411582,0.05990432648380872,0.0,0.0,0.13571262832144232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Loose-Profession,2020/03/05,Anyone free to help? Need some help with bpd,-0.8633333333333333,0.4903321111111119,-0.7238888888888884,108.2675,116.7777777777778,1.8,4.5,3.1291,-3.0292666666666666,35,0,8,0,2,10,8,9,0.0,0.408,0.5920000000000001,0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325089572411254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5989265816371373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6374895133466417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35260723693074514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sorryidkwhatimdoing,2020/03/05,"am i just being crazy? I know i do certain things and I can only blame myself for the shit that I do but I cant tell if I am just over reacting due to my mental illness or I am just being a brat. I called off of work today because I wanted to spend the day with my partner and asked them if it was alright for us to hang out and they said it was fine but I tried to be very adamant about it because at the end of the day I am losing a whole day worth of money but I think its worth it if I get to spend time with them and they said it was good. I made breakfast and maybe not even 35 minutes later they were gettin ready to go hang out with some friends and when I asked what happened they responded with “You’ll still get to see me later” Now, i wouldnt mind them hanging out with their friends any other time but I feel super....betrayed(?) I cant put my feelings into words (very overwhelmed and i did harm myself because of how sad I was) I just feel like if I was willing to miss out on work they should want to hang out with me? I dont like to be by myself as of late because unfortunately my mental health is just spiraling down the drain and since everyone I know works I’ve just had to sit alone and think about how shitty I feel. I’m not sure if I should bring it up to them because I dont want them to think I am being too much or someone who doesn’t let them do anything but I also feel like I should because instead of being miserable alone I very easily could’ve just gone to work. I also don’t want to make them feel bad if they didn’t even give it a second thought. (side note: first post on r/bpd and newly joined redditor not sure if i’m doing this right but i’ve definitely been a lurker and everything on here is so helpful in bringing back to earth when my brain is fire. also still learning how to use the tags please let me know if I used them correctly or how i should tag posts such as these)",2.598321167883213,3.4845445377129,3.763705596107055,92.47986496350369,74.4257907542579,6.550559610705597,22.94574209245743,6.588339656340683,0.36393683698296897,1499,38,348,11,30,488,194,411,0.11900000000000001,0.742,0.139,0.6775,0,2,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,1,15,6,29,19,1,2,10,1,44,5,2,9,4,89,81,40,0,17,27,0,7,3,3,7,2,2,0,1,15,23,1,0,14,0,5,9,11,8,0,2,15,10,63,11,51,51,3,47,0,5,1,0,30,17,1,12,21,245,78,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17459327899554467,0.0,0.20221453466573155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05731852775224036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936159702133132,0.0,0.15759524685356788,0.0,0.0,0.06481204011815815,0.07037671052409054,0.3082860050896822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615741011919744,0.0940929511205563,0.08606716773777742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729687154566921,0.0,0.0,0.1630757846517328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975691181548101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465388611362844,0.0,0.0,0.11134246455454552,0.0,0.0,0.08054051139263385,0.07575235171306184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25571036835497823,0.12043030239254544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169507631756959,0.0,0.0,0.13024093906051068,0.0,0.08807369096405716,0.08085644419878531,0.04790264349404382,0.07069652548866419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453533657112096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959388582379545,0.0,0.0,0.056496269985248225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896695022222658,0.0,0.09508019924250642,0.0,0.0,0.17237977205472266,0.0,0.12353614107712033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429637865083823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975506168469293,0.05626269563270698,0.0,0.08467832576083592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16988435800359264,0.0,0.08510655136210378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061961159284618615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410459556928129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252258574480314,0.0,0.0,0.16144863860965922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473242099422547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198123702280128,0.16035381270556653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716638577973738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865201149222614,0.06972365815273553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714166964352181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462453549495548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15888032338339658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367116673512164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05599700396770493,0.16202446828383965,0.0,0.06691502041143489,0.09829767379497006,0.0,0.07989488605471587,0.0,0.0,0.057225816911641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138772751242207,0.14559502415991915,0.0,0.20863854457613,0.1988602819865197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410420926750752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454498038582227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,inkstainedrose,2020/03/05,"Completely off mood stabilizer, feeling BPD symptoms intensifying, but hopeful I was 60mg of Latuda, for about 4 years. It worked great for me ( I also did an intensive DBT group plus on and off private therapy based in DBT). I couldn't afford the medication anymore so I opted to come off it, my psych had no problem with this. He told me my emotions and feelings would be more intense and I didn't think much of it. But I've been having mood swings that I haven't had in 4 years. It's definitely an adjustment. I just wanted say, when I started my journey to recovery I didn't see a future for myself without meds. Most drs didn't either. But I got a good psych, did lots of therapy and created a good support system for myself. It's not perfect, I'm not perfect or ""recovered"" but it's a hell of a lot better than before. I'm seeing my psych in 3 weeks to talk about coming off my antidepressant (mirtazapine). I'll be graduating college in 7 weeks. Everyone's situation is different, but I just wanted to share a bit of my journey and a glimmer of hope maybe.",4.254496855345913,5.3478089150943395,6.119169811320756,76.36419496855346,70.69811320754717,9.049559748427674,31.11446540880503,9.3871,2.8655461635220125,838,36,160,18,15,291,125,212,0.094,0.72,0.18600000000000005,0.9601,2,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,4,7,14,1,0,10,0,16,3,0,0,2,37,33,15,0,7,12,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,8,9,0,0,4,0,0,4,9,2,0,0,11,5,21,10,29,18,7,21,1,0,2,0,6,9,1,6,7,109,29,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028351234497433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676586169136745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734799129390902,0.0,0.0,0.12196679834931945,0.1505578175521809,0.0,0.1736879903624705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375879045510228,0.14459199287448565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440825932312468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512587680202886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177525290834582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394590038338783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23133830081098986,0.11029616013725643,0.1520420365469666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739438820029303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344857841157059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854528112680936,0.0,0.15318266339933698,0.1389259553159692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137690081729077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195757768591598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966851956350508,0.0,0.0,0.21978672149017192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501231033911392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761069517277547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564942846444363,0.0,0.14333731138610478,0.0,0.1108437536631676,0.0,0.0,0.3154154424111864,0.0,0.0,0.08836470374251912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177525290834582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268126126273438,0.0,0.2212400184322366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293662430026154,0.0,0.10039733241214352,0.0,0.0,0.09796458468794628,0.0,0.0,0.17761410090855112 bpd,wearyfairy,2020/03/05,"Does anyone feel like BPD is “another you” ? Hi! I’ve never posted on reddit so i’m sorry if i’m doing this all wrong. I also struggle to articulate my feelings so please bear with me! I really want to know if anyone else feels like when their BPD is actively effecting them, that it’s another person taking over and the real you is in there quietly whispering but the other person has taken full control and is shouting over you? I literally see my bpd almost as a, hurt sister? I see it completely separate from myself and I feel like when it’s triggered I have absolutely no control and I have no idea who “that person” is. It’s like the steering wheel of my life has been ripped away from me and I’m just watching the car speed off into the wrong direction. Most of the time, I don’t even remember what happened, what I said, or how I even got triggered in the first place. I know that’s dissociation, but I’m wondering why to me it feels like my BPD is another person entirely?",3.7510884353741503,5.214273428571432,5.580489795918368,78.32641496598643,72.36734693877553,8.90013605442177,26.842176870748297,9.3871,2.4042874829931984,776,27,148,18,15,267,112,196,0.107,0.802,0.091,-0.7331,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,3,2,4,10,9,0,1,8,0,13,1,0,6,2,35,33,17,0,3,6,1,5,5,0,0,1,4,0,4,13,7,0,2,11,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,4,12,24,5,17,29,3,18,0,1,3,0,13,10,0,6,11,102,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558183776752001,0.0,0.0,0.07633328751917734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30027064054296176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348514088826546,0.09780231217828997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968071622256699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4808760629782661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008007480332963,0.0,0.21411607198435206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835310797648207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973827142353193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609088225016074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413181265820149,0.2727649893341573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119180280445748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634204175219211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440828379958502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218381889443573,0.10775419434785402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491633733956404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742088630335684,0.2331662209998283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361881171744478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333815803999146,0.09972749127925863,0.10477812316533733,0.0,0.0,0.0914170588994216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086457820843543,0.061149281859382634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812901530583,0.0,0.09079713565311268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212648425566025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685119980454964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978762273467123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176836107136647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055659089555514435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05630032643096448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613098689628862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351410723161583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087245332175613,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ruewd,2020/03/05,"I’m in a really bad state of mind. Everything is piling on and I want to start cutting again. I left the love of my life, I dropped out of University and they probably won’t let me return, my mum was diagnosed with cancer. It’s my 24th birthday next Friday and I have nothing. I have no friends to share it with, no future prospects. All I have is a mental illness that has ruined my life.",1.4680000000000002,3.583901800000003,3.3550000000000004,88.82000000000002,81.0,6.5,23.75,7.645422480735847,1.1737500000000003,304,11,64,5,8,102,58,80,0.203,0.642,0.154,-0.7485,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,1,6,1,0,3,0,9,6,0,0,1,9,13,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,12,3,10,10,1,11,0,1,0,1,5,4,0,0,5,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21794547778757625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649354953307264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23459298345557525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016677355311245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836050844411427,0.2669163669458498,0.3687402096270755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23558580034528215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630524167583429,0.0,0.2635614518117789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776036930282982,0.0,0.0,0.2504611086547522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814297514443607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16721968701152495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18475526726938185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539596652350222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpmom2,2020/03/05,Everyone hates me At least that’s how it feels. I keep getting ghosted by ‘friends.’ Several (the few I have) in the past week. Now I’m paranoid they’re all talking about me behind my back (they do all know each other) and decided collectively to get rid of me. I may actually be right about this. Why am I so unlikable?,0.3768055555555563,2.822907375,2.6708333333333343,88.57972222222223,92.4375,6.594444444444445,24.29861111111111,7.793537801064563,1.7003840277777784,248,11,52,6,9,84,54,64,0.08199999999999999,0.9179999999999999,0.0,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,6,1,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,2,10,12,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,0,8,10,5,7,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,4,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.2956935033470042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23299555534434466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895385046579757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321067704281632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166198518050886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29915908930074225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26932871229963257,0.0,0.0,0.16652606358586228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28925679626693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587684057456746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34231441846428595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24354750970299946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430558951456801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734188890750698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,IsAnyoneThere_,2020/03/05,"anyone? Sometimes I zone out a lot, by myself, in public,or with people. Like I lose touch with reality for a second. I talk to myself a lot in my head and even sometimes out loud. This might sound super weird but sometimes in my peripheral vision I also feel like I can see a shadow move or a curtain blowing in the wind, but when I look up nothing will be moving. Is this associated with BPD? I didn't experience this until after I got diagnosed. Is it associated with stress-related paranoia idealization? or is it dissociation? I feel crazy.",2.7713111888111897,5.380694557692312,5.3434265734265765,73.59248251748255,79.38461538461539,7.243356643356643,24.839160839160837,8.296473431620573,2.0175307692307696,430,16,75,9,11,152,69,104,0.087,0.769,0.14400000000000002,0.7789,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,3,6,0,0,6,0,8,2,1,0,0,17,13,8,0,1,4,0,3,2,0,2,1,2,1,0,5,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,2,7,13,4,16,8,2,12,0,1,2,0,1,7,0,5,5,59,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400430101177342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244763420733125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22055689444831894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17774261798666374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566478578743912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17130048509577614,0.0,0.0,0.17709137358470214,0.1251054140419745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400590708585002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17972314083078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110909543042682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14705628472614285,0.195913939588383,0.0,0.2977606927739194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857741278477944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3722486536405776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803189433173274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140581970605704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954757790589367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5195930241523022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005988088136514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075442997482665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,brbby,2020/03/05,"My best friend refuses to cut off my ex I went through a breakup recently. I broke up with him because I was scared that he was going to leave me. However he would always threaten me with a breakup when I would try to talk to him about things he was doing that hurt me and would often gaslight me. In the time that we were dating I began self harming again and started to struggle with disordered eating partly because I was in a chat with his friends and they would frequently make fun of fat women and say in general really fucked up shit. My best friend always tries to stay neutral to situations, but it's even worse now that she's dating another one of my ex's friends and claims that she has to stay neutral for ""the sake of her relationship"". This came up when I tried vent to her about my ex's manipulative behaviors. This makes me feel like she doesn't believe me and that she might be starting to side with him. Why does she need to excuse him of these things in order to maintain her relationship? I was absolutely destroyed by that relationship and I just want her support.",7.468486277873072,6.710378721698112,7.232967409948543,77.53261578044598,63.66981132075472,10.539279588336193,34.838765008576324,9.800150414767053,3.0978245283018864,867,33,171,15,11,275,117,212,0.125,0.754,0.12,-0.0433,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,1,2,9,18,4,2,5,0,15,4,2,3,0,30,28,10,0,6,2,3,1,1,4,5,1,1,0,2,13,14,2,1,1,1,0,3,1,9,0,1,9,2,36,9,34,13,3,27,0,2,0,1,36,9,2,2,13,122,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18752637619745627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816035150971943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738381344380018,0.0,0.0,0.12695773347721118,0.2365125189163029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888195176530148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291471046441767,0.0,0.09861165642918174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530518332322072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442757111672034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05697706830951685,0.0805023935098748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34824150131815496,0.10417573458328143,0.0,0.0,0.06404164699597169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063193328531074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931745136925187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055052340615879936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043661184166726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954128491145274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355471451627444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635846864987007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202718769321184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218908208281294,0.0,0.11126312916917727,0.36294548968315743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961186526209022,0.11281763314312795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755533295322627,0.0,0.11566983059277965,0.0,0.12666298700266718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595184561399427,0.2402150512279508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780313144162705,0.0,0.0,0.12787393142225992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057216745463864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14972619877972634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570769864178146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22951774464182356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646470346716661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446039253982203,0.10168094691983418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483593722444332,0.32019358694559164,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,writingwolves,2020/03/05,"Has anyone else had a partner with rOCD and anxiety? How did you handle it? I need to vent and ask. I'm a fairly independent borderline honestly. I need friendship and enjoy companionship, but as far as smothering people with emotions, I tend to keep to myself and am not really interested. I have trouble expressing feelings because of this. I isolated myself and held a lot of stuff in growing up. I don't have anxiety issues other than mild social anxiety, and that's just my rejection anxiety honestly. People don't scare me; being rejected does. Anyway, my point IS I don't need someone to function. I'm perfectly able to handle my own. I am, however, in a relationship with someone, and my partner has rOCD and general anxiety. He is not very independent at all and CONSTANTLY smothers me. I feel like he makes a lot of stuff about himself, and his intrusive thoughts that he divulges to me triggers my BPD so BAD that it sends me splitting. He has almost stopped the intrusive thoughts, but his anxiety is killing me. It's so smothering and disheartening when you confide plans to your partner and he shoots them down with ""yeah but you better not do this--"" and ""be careful because x will happen if--"". I can't stand it. It's dragging me down and has put me into a deep depression (well, there's other factors too but this is a big one). He's in therapy and I'm holding out, but fuck man, it's getting to be almost too much and I have very little patience. Has anyone else been in a relationship with someone with rOCD? I know a few of you guys have anxiety. Maybe help me understand it better. I love him to death, but I feel like a prisoner under him sometimes, locked away in his little ""safe"" bubble (aka HELL). He isn't a bad guy at all; he acknowledges this and tries to remedy. He recently changed his medication to combat his OCD and plans on ramping up therapy appointments to twice a month when he gets his health savings built up instead of his generic once a month. I just think it took so long to get here that my patience has almost run out and I don't know what to do.",3.6346366536689096,5.732593151364764,5.034070187876639,79.47901736972705,74.06203473945409,8.57593761077632,30.124707550514003,9.23628265651192,2.925970209145693,1652,75,303,40,35,551,194,403,0.18899999999999997,0.6940000000000001,0.11599999999999999,-0.9886,1,1,0,1,0,0,56.0,0,5,1,5,16,28,6,1,14,1,31,4,0,5,3,73,59,34,2,4,12,0,3,2,3,1,2,0,0,6,21,28,0,5,10,0,0,5,9,14,1,2,7,3,48,14,47,48,7,38,1,4,0,2,41,24,2,6,10,214,69,0,0.08332736278740105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503209516568969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4462164311873813,0.0,0.0,0.11652885903727675,0.17075746069569553,0.0,0.0,0.07789983583908122,0.0,0.07828880030781167,0.0,0.13914973468242206,0.10159117387716106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739256171829013,0.0,0.0,0.1049478964181118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849577998393674,0.0,0.0881493010150601,0.0,0.0,0.0900472765852195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176973546800773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292033670844329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921863855043803,0.09373206757941632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639845499726646,0.11905816924982733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703480417771677,0.1306053235390461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501437973768432,0.07368611172005711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857309007985532,0.0,0.0,0.05585257481097197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697211762153607,0.0,0.07406518870649212,0.09218938094834747,0.0,0.09158907877831206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814190808605036,0.16703181679327966,0.0,0.07374209390766233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168388805431278,0.0752061982330811,0.0,0.05562166170816643,0.0,0.08371353587873796,0.0,0.0,0.08394355152512561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302221197498146,0.0,0.06125519941798521,0.18535855100903345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874092185765621,0.05646477755384197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553740292668815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877129161797665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837670147733729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05338164232067804,0.0,0.08227571806460883,0.1789248064773721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834252267261584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494175269951904,0.21180901224675616,0.0,0.08241289247188904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966540644258312,0.0,0.0,0.1907797889893872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905842027981379,0.0,0.0,0.05339280946272517,0.0,0.1323052365929026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257976606810044,0.056573809580897624,0.0,0.0,0.08674672335896819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750760209400648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492130635984326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,impulsive-heart,2020/03/05,"Mirroring, splitting, dissociating.... Am i losing my mind? My partner and I have had a rough relationship. When we first started seeing each other (not official) I found out that he had slept with at least 2 other people. At that time he would only admit to one of them .... Months later (after deciding to be official) I found out of another girl he had slept with. It caused a lot of trust issues beings it took him at least 3 months to be honest about it. I decided to sweep it under the rug and let it go, even though Im still not sure that I have the whole truth. Now, I am the one with all financial burdens placed on my shoulders. I ended up losing my car. So I have a few coworkers that I catch rides with to and from work. While I am working he if texts me or calls me, and i dont answer or respond to right away. He gets insanely mad and makes accusations or threats. On one occasion i was getting a ride home, and the person driving me stopped at a place that we had not discussed before going. By the time i leave work and my coworker and I get to her destination he is already messaging me wild accusations. Accused me of meeting someone there. And claimed that I was possibly setting up a 3 some with my coworker and their friend. Which is completely untrue. Everyday i hear new accusations. Everyday I am told I am a fuck up. Everyday I am made to feel worthless. But he claims all of these things are my fault because if i would do this or that, then none of this would happen. Or if i would say this or that then all of it would stop. I feel like i am in a catch 22 situation. That no matter what i do, ill be wrong and have to deal with his consequences. What can i do to show myself that Im not crazy that this is what is really going on? How can i see that I am not this terrible person he makes me out to be?",2.9121802002224646,4.274029053763442,4.5751242120875055,85.10854838709679,74.3225806451613,8.141787170930664,25.461994809047088,8.74248658614541,1.7102294030404157,1416,47,302,28,29,478,186,372,0.128,0.812,0.06,-0.9695,0,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,2,0,2,6,9,16,3,0,13,0,40,5,3,5,5,67,64,28,0,8,15,0,3,1,2,5,1,2,3,4,31,23,0,2,8,1,0,10,8,10,0,4,13,7,49,6,44,40,11,51,0,3,2,1,31,19,1,11,22,230,80,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032604621765596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483359502665096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393078060355473,0.0,0.0,0.06094446604874744,0.0,0.08507224646900115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020867148461235,0.0,0.0,0.10270293276251148,0.0,0.0,0.10482297583137902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307090732170074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717117431422885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885490969919742,0.0,0.0,0.06603323153304702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110177955038316,0.07142290296247232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850395685634978,0.0,0.2192371351664188,0.07724124051386526,0.0924262380009023,0.15670006364599165,0.0,0.1704560624668552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840848200882556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268026313353913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028411968252726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21598255838039013,0.10434901118442504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058601909746974,0.0,0.10223227449871164,0.0,0.048843243166212816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22369523179103976,0.0,0.08499605404325207,0.0,0.09459974638118017,0.1334695660726228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094730044923417,0.0,0.15959984262493274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965574824360824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20323905634210765,0.0760362835238836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931079798861331,0.17459044376995486,0.2089073659993308,0.0,0.0,0.11270796344023495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640472112660631,0.0,0.0,0.10733685198700484,0.0,0.08537899191252862,0.0,0.07950495976390216,0.0,0.0,0.15933591989994406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237725780810093,0.0,0.0,0.08470937426972135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076355569607365,0.0,0.07984099469984636,0.1671688921656092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422623454577468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641963859790377,0.0,0.09822595170810536,0.0,0.11659366583687135,0.0,0.0,0.09553139061286717,0.11107705905161844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161967832589977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21835124351820331,0.0,0.0,0.3551005518676861,0.10930810525409593,0.0,0.0 bpd,fxckingyikes,2020/03/05,"School Hello everyone! It’s my first time posting here so sorry if the format is weird. So a little backstory first, i’ve been in and out school and in and out of therapy. I dropped out of high school the first time when i was 17 and it was the middle of senior year, i went to online pretty much right away. Shortly after I dropped that too. I went back a few months later and enrolled again, then dropped it. So it’s been about a month now since i’ve been back in online school i’m very behind and just struggling with it. I’m having a really hard time feeling motivated as well. So now that i’m currently back in school and behind my mom is really on me about it. She knows i’d much rather just work than do the school work. I think going to work and being at my job is like a coping mechanism for me. I work to keep myself distracted. This afternoon I heard her talking to my brother and they were talking about how i’m “always being tired” and “not feeling well everyday” is just an excuse and i just need to stop being lazy and do it. I really just wanted to ball my eyes out. Why would she say that? She knows what i’m struggling with and it’s really difficult for me and i feel like working is my coping mechanism. It just works for me. I honestly can’t get the motivation to do this school thing! I feel like she’s belittling my feelings so that she feels better about hers. She brought up to my brother how “she’s been through shit too and just toughs it out” and i understand everyone has been through a hard time but I don’t know her comparing her feelings to mine made me feel shitty and upset. I understand you can’t do the fun things you wanna do that are crazy expensive like traveling but at least you don’t have to live with this constant burden.",2.2852435215666422,4.2946060362117,3.54242086604204,89.04149826960415,77.77437325905292,7.025609859036044,22.29940069215835,8.00094639256281,1.0681673166202423,1393,41,291,24,33,453,161,359,0.106,0.81,0.084,-0.8373,2,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,3,1,12,31,18,1,4,13,0,30,3,2,5,0,62,59,30,0,6,12,3,10,4,0,1,1,2,0,0,21,25,0,2,16,2,1,5,5,9,2,3,13,13,46,9,45,42,4,54,0,0,1,0,24,19,1,1,30,211,67,17,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312205022326849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127347888971322,0.17499622876752616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709248701490891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197829883123679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449760027203151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30685896589787204,0.10838957653344912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935808216174264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03963400355923598,0.0,0.043113295740371586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359122949816533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015083047207464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527988510649301,0.06742833768022452,0.0,0.0,0.12507291427065625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824652103787392,0.07603219503504376,0.06698625076928966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178108159378062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884695305872127,0.1211023260004635,0.0,0.11153245791064484,0.056249632644036325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265343199821621,0.07717744628296846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19439282973206756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478449064940821,0.0,0.060327349937359435,0.0,0.5374244484190971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786975895387066,0.0627526264685836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491966895881811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342281215073492,0.0,0.15861182474911062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194766451162367,0.0,0.0,0.08675314413708374,0.0,0.1007967500972929,0.048608373907146334,0.0,0.0,0.17693957459529602,0.08719053655611791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794700472527987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259289410802445,0.04474451472268195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641548027898975,0.1406469698384846,0.06845234220774468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313642800674935,0.0,0.0,0.053889154385052,0.0,0.0,0.048851703578960834 bpd,moonmami420,2020/03/05,"Work life sucks Tw: w**d mention, alcohol mention It literally feels like I can’t win at work (or anywhere else for that matter) unless I’m st*ned or dr*nk. Like I feel moreso than ever like I’m made of glass.. it’s so easy for me to be triggered and it’s so easy for me to be thrown off the rails. My coworker always brings up politics with the other employees knowing they all have really conflicting views and I have to hear all of my coworkers gross thoughts and it makes me lose hope in the world and that huuuuuurts. I try everyday to convince myself that the world isn’t evil and that there’s not just a never ending stream of trauma that’s gunna happen to me but then they sit here and remind me that people are at their core not actually good and they’re self serving. I want to go back to being social and making friends and being the cool fun coworker but my brains gotten so hard to handle that I don’t have that kind of energy. The only way I can talk to anyone who isn’t my boyfriend or my 3 close friends is if I’ve drank or smoked. Then that hinders my relationship because I’m an asshole to my boyfriend because I’m a bitch after too many drinks. I’m overworked at work because I’m too anxious about losing my job because of my mental illness A G A I N so I compensate for my shit attitude by being the best employee. Then the two dudes who work here just don’t do their jobs and expect me to do their jobs for them 🙃 I’m just so tired and this probably didn’t make sense but I don’t have another outlet and I’m scared my friends are tired of hearing from me and it’s getting bad again 😔",2.570483319076136,4.2347815958083865,4.0417835757057325,87.3310928143713,75.8562874251497,7.046877673224977,24.204020530367842,7.83500028581142,1.1787086398631308,1279,41,269,19,28,424,176,334,0.155,0.72,0.125,-0.9309999999999999,5,0,3,1,0,0,18.0,0,0,6,8,17,24,4,1,13,1,22,9,2,5,4,47,49,30,0,4,14,0,3,3,3,0,5,2,0,1,18,15,3,1,4,1,0,2,10,10,0,1,5,7,35,14,35,39,3,23,0,2,1,0,19,9,3,6,13,170,53,7,0.0,0.0,0.10572347245245932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157817020511292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014692854715074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360314192214822,0.0,0.12239250636534225,0.0,0.07575331729439218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330619001826929,0.09045874206539684,0.2641703863783475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369535089189126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094242444981602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613121236528587,0.0,0.0,0.09050353523182572,0.0,0.09595641196984596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799904728360548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109559152368323,0.07739757641312257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511078897783291,0.0,0.05660278261327612,0.0,0.061571688131048324,0.09086981639912996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580403425273194,0.0,0.09705068118869442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24421240006755854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760531297240618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225299431686306,0.0,0.0,0.11281864926104085,0.05954041430350813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652321087457176,0.15878724422086238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424078002667459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251321068602448,0.21695185669700234,0.10983898727052642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918047467089333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835579026363071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239687579349438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751087894928726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680802719039192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940489286212753,0.0,0.0,0.11631580150100168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846648156954228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302145772723307,0.0,0.11120867544018356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043821413766818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707897921833391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860092568496327,0.0,0.2490400435698999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355523401054348,0.0,0.10583169751083124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390129213666855,0.08599464783531716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154890351064775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Yojik-2point0,2020/03/05,"Does anyone else's therapist told them to join this community as a first step to dealing with shame? I have hard time trusting people opening up and being vulnerable. I guess all of that comes from shame. Since I'm not ready to open up yet to anyone that knows me in person, my therapist suggested to start with this community. And even this is really hard... but I guess I'm here ¯\_(ツ)_/¯",4.3508,6.213995746666669,5.0183333333333335,81.34750000000003,71.53333333333333,8.733333333333334,25.833333333333336,9.2995712137729,2.1343333333333336,311,10,60,7,6,100,54,75,0.114,0.838,0.047,-0.4320000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,13,11,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,1,2,6,1,13,9,1,11,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,4,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27811356003520515,0.20376911646178486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713116702826868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20502955815325044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740352957069935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613305712592175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135388672183967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916146001992236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4381625477575831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563026863145385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929552116884997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787365083049605,0.17364842550676354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274032776857496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450998334674108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407634892786496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4618142750070249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596457434584174,0.0,0.0,0.190031885001151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GenSekFNRJ,2020/03/05,"my favorite person of two years decided its best to leave and i dont know where to go or what to do now i really don't have the desire or energy or willpower to talk about this for long but basically, i had naturally built a relationship that i thought was perfect with my favorite person ive always and still felt like a complete alien to everyone but her, i got so attached to her but the fact my life was very difficult before and still is and all the abuse i went through at home made me very good at communicating. we had clear bounds and talked about everything regularly, i was even maybe a little bit clinical with how carefully i handled everything as time passed and we went through so, so much together, i eventually started losing balance. we were getting to the stage of no real emotional extremes, nothing making me feel very much anymore. it made me feel like something is very obviously wrong and (falsely) that she wants nothing to do with me anymore, and it just got worse and i kept alienating her with my mood swings and constant whining for her to take care of me. i regressed a lot. eventually we had a fight - which i now realize was me imitating my horrible parents as a coping method - come to think of it, its a very standard story, once i look into it. but its so, so, so fucking horrible. I hate myself so much for doing that. then i had a mental breakdown and made her cry for hours because i started uncontrollably talking about self-harm and suicidal thoughts and i just that was three months ago, and ive spent three months working my everything, every neuron in my brain to be someone who doesn't do that. i've made it clear she deserves space and she doesn't have to talk to me if she doesn't want to. i've worked on making myself independent for three months, but in the end, i'm mentally ill, i'm far away from her and struggling to survive materially, i can't connect with people, so it was all really for her. &#x200B; Today, she came up and basically told me, in her usual polite manner, that she's forgiven me for hurting her but she doesn't want anything to do with me again. That she needs to start anew elsewhere, and that I messed her up psychologically with the mental breakdown and everything. &#x200B; Now, when I'm having a bad mood swing, I do feel. Like a doormat. But even when I'm doing a bit better, I just realize that, even if I'm over her as a favorite person, I feel absolutely horrible for alienating nicest person i know so much she can't even stand me. i don't know if she can stand me? i don't know if she's going to try to be close to me ever again? i dont know why i am doing anything i have no more compass in life, and no identity i dont know what to do, i dont even know what to spend my days on, all i can do is lay around and be an empty husk and watch the same youtube videos again and again. i have no motivations other than sharing my weird specific interests and feelings with someone who understands me. i dont know where i am right now. &#x200B; im sorry this post is so disjointed im writing it under a lot of distress and idk how to formulate anything.",5.7457568001388255,5.857592422150887,6.545938137174094,78.12148062990762,66.99357945425362,9.688586178473821,32.568174916489525,9.498858831193498,2.837333035443148,2481,98,490,46,37,822,260,623,0.16699999999999998,0.735,0.098,-0.9936,2,0,2,0,2,0,69.0,4,0,0,8,39,27,3,3,21,0,53,7,2,10,9,112,107,57,1,9,17,1,6,3,0,0,4,0,1,4,28,42,0,2,22,1,2,7,18,14,0,4,26,8,87,11,69,78,14,63,0,3,2,1,42,22,1,9,33,351,115,3,0.0,0.0663502153857648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04964015174198178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046596045441035495,0.18202620851884735,0.204136458144054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107285436579756,0.0,0.0,0.1382483781563971,0.049851401280456224,0.0,0.0,0.052613345880541895,0.0,0.046757218728905474,0.03413675741992445,0.0,0.04765142479970915,0.0,0.058767989347768924,0.04952698086708157,0.1222738359982215,0.0,0.0,0.06251392916249003,0.0,0.0640484757692107,0.11419038459202124,0.0,0.0,0.04823858526337288,0.058714379335577625,0.0605155333834672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151278876019019,0.03611502572165482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281548115437725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299186693709095,0.049598909298024935,0.0,0.0,0.18493561045348267,0.0506547270550284,0.0471819690941034,0.05350989382253382,0.2013148527062323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415750742845765,0.08001206576185371,0.05376827352465744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05177060807045745,0.02925741201884388,0.0,0.06365157913361373,0.04696969893919078,0.08957578434067248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528788346627138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056172034782204186,0.0,0.05514819816200669,0.0,0.05994859132865332,0.0,0.1209780752934758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24620675558686314,0.0,0.0,0.059295353524627226,0.0,0.0,0.07910816416425066,0.08207553786263702,0.05612618098276855,0.0,0.0495577691504376,0.04702545135358525,0.06264908332724196,0.0,0.09521749443844432,0.0,0.21195221181314086,0.07476016274093426,0.0,0.05625899491056215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16930288500216129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409472914868753,0.0,0.16466421665876255,0.041522897774269305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746600442766308,0.0,0.0,0.05963760840756091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218078484765612,0.0,0.0,0.038822981821288884,0.19558631039755905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363201301069479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373965721995098,0.07174938944131362,0.0,0.0,0.06012247404986538,0.0,0.0478232417910499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05841966071329535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489633917954388,0.043111128241397664,0.0,0.06268682242808636,0.118910140243217,0.0,0.08944249888264119,0.0,0.0,0.0585428053061774,0.0,0.06125433159386109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04210463256065353,0.18004101251188856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035882199506842224,0.0,0.08891464867644344,0.03265374155702206,0.0,0.05308095014333727,0.05350989382253382,0.0,0.03801996453588115,0.0,0.05470334559138433,0.05829742366908738,0.0,0.0,0.061675505158509614,0.23102713931401264,0.0990898157084866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382414028944432,0.05053081192349496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153656288068012,0.0,0.05706824456032596,0.0,0.06122662999633141,0.204136458144054,0.036061822957045714 bpd,grumpylazysloth,2020/03/05,"Relationship issues Is is normal for people with this 'thing' to just keep fighting themselves because you love someone and he really loves you back but you just want to end the relationship all the fucking time because you don't knkw what will you in one month (I'm leaving my old job and apartment and he wants me to come to his town and we could find a place together but it's always only 'we'll see what happens' or 'let's hope it gets better')? We're kinda in a longer distance relationship and it fucks up my head so much. Is this normal for everyone or only for us (or me)? I'm really sorry for asking such a stupid question here but I can't talk to anyone else, I have no friends at all and my family isn't the safest place.",5.118784489187174,5.221131288590605,5.992841163310963,81.58413124533931,68.32885906040269,8.769873228933632,27.96495152870992,8.515128840125781,1.8221492915734523,578,17,118,8,9,191,95,149,0.11699999999999999,0.79,0.09300000000000001,-0.598,1,0,0,0,2,0,9.0,3,5,0,1,6,9,4,0,6,0,11,5,1,0,2,29,26,13,0,6,8,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,0,1,16,5,14,22,3,14,0,0,1,4,21,8,2,6,5,77,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676086795937954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971453642950772,0.1314646565216402,0.0,0.0,0.1199487872442358,0.0,0.0,0.09865939190693077,0.0,0.15642828986772198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347622775130735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052425550505636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244189832367892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718319670412546,0.0,0.1136410301856296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260187865378215,0.0,0.0,0.12095547511669205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172693568826442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912889507622223,0.2372336536318765,0.06703458784564917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134605694910841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316789692970907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743680561413726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391812601911282,0.12732390417333006,0.11404426551951995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585752499658427,0.0,0.13120157502347712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316023435515897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241262276794083,0.0,0.09431967093960184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514252704143944,0.0,0.0,0.1346355605558395,0.0,0.08694346421460665,0.19516498495572285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895122315169382,0.0,0.2681049168427101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373208094953385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439221439947066,0.0,0.0,0.41325787109239226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224326784860246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871325496705753,0.0,0.0,0.14362805917740287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312750031747962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524080325186281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481625871363784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15433631660051225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513564027568244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,crystaley,2020/03/05,"subtile oral self injury? does anyone else do that ? how do I stop.. I often find myself chewing on my tongue, or putting my gingival up with my nails/fingers.. or pressing on my gingival with my fingers till it slightly hurts.. It never really bleeds or something. I just like to feel this slight amount of pain..always out of boredom or when I'm sad and sometimes I can't stop really.. how can I stop ? It's really annoying tbh.",2.710993975903616,5.008497132530124,4.094804216867471,84.1838930722892,77.67469879518072,7.041566265060243,26.037650602409638,8.07648339933343,1.8472903614457832,334,13,62,6,8,110,58,83,0.14,0.7859999999999999,0.075,-0.7548,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,0,0,4,3,1,2,1,18,6,9,0,0,5,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,4,1,3,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,3,11,1,10,6,1,11,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,5,7,41,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923583957881184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061754898325547,0.22070987747647045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18850407490124024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17994486760180994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891622695724117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196878051288655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305975967843737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052369559008181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661351204509394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292081837660872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21654348210469584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.413985626915098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224716428974796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583079513292318,0.21304298302218408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5402695703360959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,spicy_gf,2020/03/05,"have compulsive behaviour (especially so when dealing with relationships)? I fell out with my friend a few days ago and she stopped talking to me. I was on the brink of relapsing to harmful behaviour, but I found myself calmer dialing her over and over again. I knew it was bad, I was supposed to give her space, but I couldn't help it, I didn't want to lose her, and I'd do anything to stop her from leaving. I felt so bad because I felt so clingy, needy, possessive even. But I couldn't stop despite feeling that, way because I didn't want to lose her, and the ringing was calming me down more than anything, and I couldn't let myself relapse again. I couldn't control myself. Does anyone else feel this way? Other examples of compulsive behaviour that I do is walking between the cracks to refocus away from the stress of loud noises and crowded spaces (which still lasts despite the stress being gone), and lying, starting because I didn't want to speak to people who stressed me out.",7.611702127659575,7.14563421276596,7.119659574468084,77.50300000000001,63.255319148936174,10.073191489361703,37.41702127659575,9.3871,3.3960195744680863,784,35,145,12,10,245,104,188,0.221,0.7,0.079,-0.9819,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,3,8,10,0,3,6,0,17,0,0,1,0,31,29,14,0,7,3,0,4,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,8,11,0,4,6,0,0,3,7,8,0,0,12,7,28,2,25,11,2,26,0,2,0,0,15,10,0,0,11,104,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484953085551625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059326389570006,0.1327523141200259,0.2132381525252272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172843714353247,0.0,0.2163589129636759,0.2369406883555809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453156035534014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355723371931346,0.13357347168433614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338120636156004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823302455373172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557495234688432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102160482452488,0.0,0.2488010520723459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205883128061422,0.10009983341312396,0.0,0.0,0.12428836359841625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684315783931429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561090649452597,0.0,0.1371882094481192,0.0,0.13248665581605765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898950779224443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982247418910196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910187008272665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091705157630473,0.0,0.1034689528006494,0.3249606974132592,0.4452409621874953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413760381525483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292583412281267,0.2056817075003366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mechatomsk,2020/03/05,"I love the girl. So ive been with my gf now for a few years and suddenly she tells me she has BPD( which i will not judge for, i deal with my own shit.... And after researching BPD a lot of previous situations make sense now) . I love her completely. My problem is i dont know how to support her, it feels like everything i say turns into a fight, or hurts her. Which in turn hurts me, makes me want to pull back because i dont know what to do. Its horrible. I want to learn more about BPD and how to understand it better, what i should and shouldn't do. She says she loves me, but then there are times where she has said she does not, or she just does not know what she feels, and looks at me with what feels like disgust. How do i know which one of these feelings is the real one? I feel like im going to lose her, and i dont want that. She has an amazing beauty inside. It makes me feel insane..... And im sure its even harder for her, and way more intense. I DO NOT and WILL NOT give up on her, or us, but I just dont know how to approach this. I feel like we have been making progress when we talk about it, and it will take time to fully understand and cope with it, and that i should not take it personally.... Its not about me, though admittedly its very hard to remember this( my own personal mental illnesses does not make this any easier). Tldr : Girlfriend told me she has BPD , I love her and want to be there for her. I need advice on how to proceed and not fuck up my relationship with her. Cheers",2.65792132505176,3.5609762000000025,3.7989233954451334,92.21962732919256,74.30158730158729,7.510006901311248,21.949620427881303,7.893859768569023,0.6135479641131814,1153,26,275,16,23,375,144,315,0.07400000000000001,0.748,0.177,0.9865,0,0,0,0,1,0,50.0,3,0,0,3,20,21,4,0,6,0,26,7,1,10,1,77,66,28,0,9,16,0,8,4,2,6,1,3,0,3,24,22,0,0,17,0,0,3,14,8,0,2,4,12,54,13,33,55,6,23,0,3,1,5,42,8,2,4,15,196,78,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373657750439128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051313953257620434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05802246023362308,0.0,0.04599842981409028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673637233009595,0.0,0.0,0.3801462873821719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911616278378843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779377199760201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19810112603830612,0.0,0.35374434381730796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04983922516674282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781668663509845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670764376625837,0.21562852885838915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975960406748508,0.0,0.0723860845855674,0.04288445822954242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759544865372108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16155846536702165,0.0,0.16301494125457544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073484167539724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14745965554126045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336562365766125,0.08441807834575554,0.0,0.064151600298802,0.27241476982572,0.0,0.25184364001146275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604380597036947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595106985271478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226443924820218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317738392775401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220301061771693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588759948520548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101353531656898,0.08547908056022141,0.0,0.07177773376718531,0.12001428673267005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745644047515401,0.0,0.0848178307420268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562872018376133,0.07111816900541876,0.0,0.11346988595694035,0.0606501942745459,0.06595352243904473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413699452143066,0.0,0.0880002058017054,0.0,0.0,0.07210324826922865,0.0,0.0,0.16415303367055653,0.0,0.15710865083041836,0.0907665516629644,0.0,0.0,0.062260662441729876,0.1780280759959792,0.059894961385640995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04859240764588964 bpd,itsviceroybitch,2020/03/05,"Just proud of myself and vibing recently I’ve not been feeling so great and everything feels awfully overwhelming but I’m dealing with things the right way this time, I’ve not self harmed or purposefully starved myself or anything, I’ve made a doctors appointment to get my meds upped and I’m maybe going to take a week off work to get my head back in a good place and cut down my hours a bit after that so I don’t get this overwhelmed and lost again- also my partner has started seeing the importance and helpfulness of reading up more about bpd so she’s been so so supportive and increasingly understanding! I just feel like although I don’t feel like I’m in control right now, I’m doing all the things I should be to heal and recover and take back the control- which is something I usually really struggle with managing, so I’m feeling very proud of myself and very responsible today!",7.869218346253227,7.298539319767437,7.779612403100778,73.32559431524551,62.77906976744186,11.365374677002585,36.552971576227385,10.746095033038511,3.8730521963824303,721,30,132,16,9,232,104,172,0.087,0.7040000000000001,0.209,0.9754,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,6,14,13,1,3,8,1,9,3,1,3,1,30,31,21,0,1,7,0,5,2,1,1,2,0,0,2,6,12,0,2,6,1,0,2,4,6,0,0,4,6,13,7,17,25,4,24,0,3,1,0,5,9,0,2,14,84,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412989143867407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715276594410317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002488311509044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215696311803885,0.0,0.16399651403984067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29208598313552875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342420835881111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327673427578024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702547751789495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291936079244113,0.1860458893539805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20409001520255984,0.0,0.07400205541464873,0.10921502061751057,0.0,0.14355836537221084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363431083060354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727785769670805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823185447877358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722928132122285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142140963570296,0.0,0.0,0.12320903532439137,0.0,0.0,0.13081470454030816,0.0,0.14463534730526564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604304462521116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024648933712968,0.0,0.08341666248778669,0.0,0.12856790286643607,0.0,0.0,0.2223993960432948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376150959376224,0.0,0.1358387341918195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024298358446122,0.0,0.0,0.09216419458785767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612507282192146,0.0,0.0,0.14776218606298966,0.0,0.0,0.195805313513202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301314033692747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592722836069486,0.0,0.12342504200009904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555450581469744,0.0,0.0,0.14340929832662144,0.21487583998399007,0.0,0.10335563125909038,0.10444761239184858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479534249967504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ColorRaccoon,2020/03/05,"My FP aka my BF said he needed a break I don't know why I'm posting this, I guess I need to vent to the void that is the Internet. I just feel so alone and invisible right now. I don't know what to do. My two friends know and they've done their best to make me feel better but I don't care for that right now, all I want is him to hold me and tell me that he loves me. I appreciate their effort don't get me wrong, I know I sound like an asshole but nothing will make me feel better... I want him. I keep picturing him coming through the door, but that's not gonna happen. That never happens in real life. I'm an idiot and I feel this was my fault for being fucking insane. It's 8 years in a relationship, 8 fucking years and now... I dunno I feel fucking alone and sort of want to explode but I won't. I know I shouldn't. It's fucking stupid. I'm fucking stupid. No one comes back from a break, everyone just end things eventually. I just don't know how to shut everything off and move on...",-0.1919961240310073,1.8177601627906943,2.008866279069768,96.61578003875972,86.90697674418604,5.07170542635659,18.260658914728683,6.42735559955562,-0.264375968992248,765,20,185,8,24,257,111,215,0.111,0.73,0.159,0.8035,0,2,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,2,4,9,17,8,0,8,0,14,7,0,3,2,45,51,13,0,6,8,0,5,1,2,4,1,2,1,0,11,9,0,2,11,0,0,3,10,10,0,2,3,7,34,7,16,43,2,21,0,0,0,6,13,7,5,3,9,110,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22324828778654088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287361957787981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310498362152688,0.1906394423891448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109885515246973,0.0,0.0,0.1856801451501948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029296997797224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545815478901837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298524301337354,0.09686273671609344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27247565615040714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326800095699041,0.4981890518011976,0.0563088705930898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187281714852754,0.0,0.1906131365975539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579687136749387,0.0,0.0,0.3553874911395785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761258613016196,0.05265424521472645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972726678213568,0.0,0.14388355082760831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454956173041267,0.0,0.15983009542440169,0.08312402516893662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341463784589408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303227233451201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032202738342356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267346502604115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571182744495,0.0,0.18408140348297852,0.10252030986678162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942015748113212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160204177896946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528216254843066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19070844701604514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725169634727902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783688807109499,0.0,0.13880930554837514 bpd,tilllli,2020/03/05,"is it dissociation? hi! im too young to be diagnosed with bpd at the time, i feel as though most in my area capable of diagnosing me might think that becayse im not 18 it could be hormones which is bullshit i think but regardless when i was going over the 9 items in the dsm-5 for diagnosis, i strongly felt as thought i hit four, and was unsure about three or four of them for other reasons. however one i was mostly unsure of had to do with dissociation, mostly because the term is so broad and different. after looking into it a little more, i know i have dissociated before, even last week, but i experience it in multiple different ways. 1. i cant remember for the life of me anything that has happened to me before like, a few months ago unless someone brings it up (this one im not sure if it could count, but all the abandonment i experienced i couldnt tell you much about other than i was abandoned.) even as i type this if i try to remember anything other than routine/specific occurances from yesterday even i dont think i could tell you 2. last week, and sometimes, i feel fake, like a hologram and as though someone could stick their hand through me. i get dizzy and uncomfortable and want to hide in a way 3. i have in the past experienced the whole ""watching from outside your body thing"" and i can remember that pretty well 4. i have difficulty recognizing myself in the mirror. logically, i know its me, but it doesnt feel right. it feels like that isnt me. 5. i have often felt as though i am more than one person. of course, logically, im fully aware im one person, but the feeling of being two people at the same time is very strong and i can kind of identify which i am at a given point. (not rn tho i think its merged idk) anyway, is this all dissociation or am i just crazy and reading into this? thank you for reading :)",2.6980774962742204,4.729591092896179,4.501028315946353,82.54657973174369,76.59562841530055,7.6057625434674625,25.29855936413313,8.484438967287268,1.7643453551912578,1444,52,290,29,33,489,184,366,0.08800000000000001,0.799,0.113,0.8863,3,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,4,2,2,16,12,0,0,16,0,34,5,2,1,3,65,57,30,0,9,14,0,8,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,24,13,0,2,20,2,0,2,8,3,1,8,9,12,43,9,46,38,13,36,0,2,2,0,11,18,0,9,17,218,67,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071373428643818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325171983727602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04908239266685673,0.0,0.1370280085119869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943619346496083,0.1014082949328416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571449695352599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344604299958096,0.0,0.1682461761298612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943652797339734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595420819623257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876103877043733,0.0,0.0,0.20355897610296156,0.05752133369758058,0.15461782041523695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042066789398302704,0.0,0.04575964498429577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120088353169021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4348606783731305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838460255759941,0.08850003316288899,0.1312641408727869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05687151138727736,0.11800956160429413,0.08069914842818161,0.0,0.0,0.06761396931407639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854157726277513,0.0,0.0,0.06426787084343064,0.0,0.05918923142586256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21824150882205254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686255085533544,0.05582032337783064,0.14060861096302635,0.0,0.0,0.07611455441481416,0.0,0.0,0.08191469666273196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16107750194565887,0.0,0.0,0.08278484695481136,0.0,0.0,0.2736300661010928,0.06876104555906995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644352112772826,0.0,0.07963333417148495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588628374881146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075074732763732,0.07412920075883016,0.0,0.0,0.05349189177972999,0.20636807231343895,0.2373225188956441,0.06392147394798563,0.0939001760142784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05466573188468397,0.0,0.0786533722426714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643492601844245,0.04749099027442789,0.12782123326286826,0.12917170031907574,0.0,0.07239441848194658,0.0,0.0,0.08989431257889653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Rebridgerator101,2020/03/05,"DAE feel intense anger when not in control of a situation? For a long time now I have noticed that if there is a situation I am not in control of or don't know enough about, I get intense feelings of anger. I used to think it was just severe irritability but particularly recently, this reaction has started being accompanied by having violent thoughts. These situations don't have to be anything major either, it can stem from tiny things. For example, if I'm at work and my partner is at home I feel anxiousness which grows into anger that I don't know what he's doing and when he's doing it in real time. I know this is typical emotional dysregulation but I guess I'm wondering if that feeling of not being informed/not being in control is a trigger for anyone else?",6.383214019388517,6.799614778523492,7.814317673378077,68.52507084265477,65.64429530201343,10.649067859806117,36.018642803877704,10.504223727775694,3.973290231170768,618,29,109,15,9,214,90,149,0.14800000000000002,0.8109999999999999,0.040999999999999995,-0.9553,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,4,6,4,4,0,4,0,20,0,0,5,0,31,36,10,0,3,11,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,12,3,0,3,10,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,2,4,9,0,19,30,3,16,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,6,8,82,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15986390832519884,0.0,0.09894577479385328,0.1449918019446301,0.1164491337982355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4761402017631747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821188477192544,0.15917759988894006,0.0,0.14621572590089754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862030496885985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393215744458563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588715907284342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194419235802133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333075026370001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523024213736875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161107944028463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16106723212614305,0.0,0.0,0.13972220680576916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15986390832519884,0.0,0.0,0.477183201572021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016018282315446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401171379214644,0.09067269592024296,0.0,0.11234164868791076,0.16502905727913805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221758996942955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345953076079988,0.10301960406652208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,juliette_allen,2020/03/05,"I did it myself so can u The only consistency you will ever have in your own life is yourself I’m not saying the only person you can trust is yourself but you are your own rock, it will always just be you & you So take control of your life and your decisions and don’t wait around expecting for others to complete you. I was in a very bad place Not the first time and I hate to admit probs won’t be the last But I’m hoping it’ll be the last like that - where I’m waiting for someone to come help me because When I cried myself to sleep every single night for months I had no one to cradle me When I hadn’t been in real daylight for weeks on end no one would force me out of bed When I was out ruining my mind & body with drugs and taking part in dangerous impulsive behaviours no one tried to stop me When the people surrounding me saw me being taken to hospital in an ambulance I never received a knock on my door or text in my inbox afterwards I thought there was nothing left and life would be like that forever, I was to be there unloved unwanted and forgotten about forever, continuously making decisions and mistakes costing me a hell of a lot But I came to realise if no one will help me, unless I make a truthful, conscientious decision to pull myself out of the hole with my bare hands then life would not be worth living and I would end up accidentally making one wrong decision taking it too far. Now I love my friends and my family but they have never been and will never be there for me the way that I have been for myself I’m writing this to congratulate myself What I did was incredible Without the help from a single other human being I have brought myself out of a horrific depressive cycle of self loathing and complete loss of control over life to planning an exciting future, focussing on myself and my own goals, refusing to become dependant on anybody else and I feel so happy Of course there are days I feel on edge start to finish, or certain things make me explode , and I do still sometimes take it overboard with substance But I am happy I am productive I am SO excited for the future It’s gunna be good And I have no one else to thank apart from myself I did that All me I can’t believe it I am so proud And I still have a massive journey ahead I still have to somehow stop second guessing every single thought and decision I make I need confidence I will get it I need 100% solid emotional regulation and I will get so close it u won’t even tell And I will one day stop constantly wondering what people think of me I will have a successful life I’m getting there and I can do this I just need to keep focussed on the excitement and prosperity of life :)",5.6817777777777785,5.75839605740741,6.593472222222225,77.84687500000005,67.12962962962963,9.712962962962962,31.31944444444445,9.516144504307137,2.734166666666667,2141,78,416,40,32,714,239,540,0.147,0.688,0.165,0.9469,0,0,1,1,0,0,19.0,0,10,1,9,28,27,3,0,22,0,61,12,3,8,7,98,102,41,0,12,15,0,3,2,1,15,8,1,2,3,20,32,0,9,12,1,2,6,17,10,0,9,19,5,76,17,62,58,9,68,1,3,1,1,25,26,1,9,37,325,96,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06014099969475167,0.15662614065710614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434265141630514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060349024272048836,0.0440599346605381,0.07982525776010363,0.0,0.08143243809350477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028444878593513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266665819441285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622610076486201,0.15156399802927292,0.07810672859241585,0.1621316129911222,0.0,0.0,0.07939387506030621,0.09322652728762228,0.0,0.06225284608184688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838194128714252,0.0,0.1207578155456349,0.08130290487911493,0.12803352562299522,0.0,0.0,0.04773886876690474,0.0653794950949059,0.12179448972668855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813716796344597,0.0,0.07309175204670712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06147954157923202,0.0,0.0,0.05584172330622554,0.0,0.11328665280326057,0.0,0.0,0.0606232701257679,0.0,0.0,0.07962225133949555,0.0,0.0,0.15388232900055251,0.0,0.07135945875227047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453390507980422,0.0,0.0,0.0717882594440505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424391510574126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783226440042735,0.0,0.0,0.0785301456967905,0.0,0.35736410915091016,0.07062265836542972,0.0,0.06382270653153391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06144808266190755,0.06523362323234189,0.0,0.2412302847819845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298007104358538,0.0,0.05769152717050693,0.0,0.0,0.16077943259332786,0.1672355080067695,0.0,0.0,0.0678279093388778,0.0,0.06935259074355303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428416111928349,0.10994119404419048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826991814827604,0.0,0.10021678516981024,0.06311027106797222,0.07551501795645649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226806951374327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057478284075609426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540160895352828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233009442598949,0.0,0.06124082689433453,0.0,0.07148468747664903,0.0,0.051158666938233566,0.0,0.17316366379650472,0.1812826728238107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21737593137016414,0.0,0.06317406705057797,0.06654377597360787,0.0,0.0,0.04801822259726468,0.04631275742742645,0.0,0.11476115211699182,0.04214582251402582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049071947069851685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05963683391349452,0.0,0.05737082973946263,0.057976968591143874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967331268804436,0.07838229525350336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20537657480758684,0.07902453311364553,0.0,0.0 bpd,Gazebe0,2020/03/05,"My best friend left because my obsessive behaviors I've been contemplating posting about this. !!I AM YOUNG AND I HAVE BEEN DIAGNOSED!! I'm 16-year-old boy and I got obsessive feelings for my (now ex) best friend. Him and I were very much two peas in a pod. We met on discord a few months back, he and I didnt like each other when we first met. But, after 5 hours of voice calling with mutual online friends, a friendship began to bloom. My ex-friend and I ended up becoming very close nd we found out that we lived 11 minutes away. We went to some thing I planned on taking my then girlfriend to. He defended me when her and I broke up and we became even closer. The issues started coming in when my next partner and I split and they suicide-baited me into trying to get back together with her. He didn't want to drop her and I told him I wasnt gonna be friends with someone that allows a person to suicide-bait. He blocked me but showed up at my house to return my book I loaned him. He said ""he just wanted to see me again"". I was trying to figure out why I felt this way, and I figured out I liked him. He confessed he liked me too, and that was surprising. I saw something blossom in me I havent in years. But, issue one, he has a girlfriend. He wanted to have sex with me and I didn't want him to cheat. A week later when we hung out again, him and his girlfriend had broken up. We ended up having sex. I didn't enjoy having sex but I like the feeling of being close to him like that. This Monday, I noticed he was more withdrawn from me. I didn't understand until he confessed he only said he liked me for lust. It fucking broke me, I felt so bad. I cried for hours and begged he would just pay me back for using me by dating me for a temporary time. I expressed my obsessive feelings and skewed since of friendships and love. He said he undestood but would not put us in a place of hating each other or make me hate him. He said he wanted to help and stay as my best friend. The next day, eveything was good. Until, I accused him of trying to sleep and date his ex. He said no but it made me angry. He cut me out of his life again. I don't know how long it's gonna last but he was my everythinf because my home life isnt the best. He blocked me on all social media and my phone number too. I just want him back and I want to hug him and cry. Am I a bad person? Can I get advice on how to cope next time something like this happens?",0.6943777632818744,2.785430279843446,2.348305066318765,95.08097321881573,83.77495107632096,4.88107559614409,19.63908820758136,6.037888025583468,-0.13048339494092875,1887,52,420,14,54,617,229,511,0.159,0.715,0.126,-0.9378,1,0,2,0,0,2,61.0,9,0,1,6,22,33,5,3,13,0,30,11,1,6,1,88,74,41,0,9,12,2,5,7,9,4,3,6,1,4,14,45,0,2,12,2,2,3,11,12,0,3,31,13,89,21,60,37,11,74,2,2,2,7,80,27,1,2,47,274,103,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848074143833398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584186743206218,0.21554681442263174,0.1170266800378148,0.08543945719423919,0.0773971494279355,0.0,0.0,0.2941758672919275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155886390258344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060367165076947824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539577768773968,0.04519539094262638,0.0,0.0,0.07112907722946174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413902807816635,0.0,0.0,0.046286757639753005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063026931671744,0.0,0.1345743547844059,0.0,0.0,0.059609469482314624,0.0,0.07683840322128742,0.3248588472611596,0.06478724088735334,0.07322714840921653,0.0,0.0,0.05877924391844853,0.056048867630206715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06197094833974645,0.0,0.0,0.1383777227188977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04697271911160473,0.0,0.07029531396684824,0.0,0.1380281102343967,0.08086217466550649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628929339083294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0385137845990508,0.05712403336447455,0.0,0.0,0.07614143181796035,0.0,0.09899825168926812,0.23966065485524565,0.0,0.061881360523275974,0.06201803006485102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324936024901419,0.06631078673374351,0.04677851828283393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05593667811960636,0.0,0.05151639447463962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235905894294516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797858180732692,0.07353650175847548,0.0,0.04748758933159927,0.05329851266685605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238119155129475,0.07321801761534967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711665703189508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044911481850473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333076061773725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558441782757886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05797037239267586,0.0,0.07012997243615447,0.07143708421510576,0.05937801597178316,0.10790103320786948,0.0,0.0,0.04960253309111653,0.07469527549254629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052690958709005135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0465576141425483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081727679043252,0.0,0.0,0.06696383353695785,0.0,0.14273785992019536,0.0,0.06845735370443834,0.07295508728081829,0.08429684379249197,0.060526068143055466,0.0,0.11564562584146462,0.28934236363977817,0.05562573559729988,0.05621343704160512,0.0,0.0,0.0649642706311288,0.06323572402057914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956473612118366,0.0,0.0,0.0902576229189948 bpd,imsuushi,2020/03/05,"i hurt the people i love and i feel so guilty sometimes, when i’m not feeling “”””okay”””” and i’m having some kind of mood swings or idk, i just feel like i want to hurt the people close to me (emotionally ig) and i just want to say hurtful things, when i start feeling better i regret it so much, wether i said something hurtful or didn’t i still feel guilty for having that feeling of wanting to hurt them (?) i cant seem to better myself and i hate myself so much for it i’m sorry if this post isn’t understood i just feel like i had to get it off my chest because DUDE I FEEL SO GUILTY FOR EVERYTHING and i’m so scared of people i love leaving me because i’m too toxic",0.8373526473526454,2.72493341958042,2.6690959040959044,94.11924825174826,81.93706293706295,4.9248751248751255,20.004495504495498,5.773587663045528,-0.16689170829170807,521,14,117,3,14,173,72,143,0.289,0.578,0.133,-0.9742,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,2,12,17,1,1,2,1,6,3,1,0,0,28,30,15,0,5,7,0,8,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,0,10,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,4,10,22,8,13,26,3,7,0,6,0,2,5,2,0,5,6,73,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655064658089822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19811317101408316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598707097143955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100660092599076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.453052237984715,0.16002837029385691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058516373996978725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057869589866601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5995017926602882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663275141608677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859384831766352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943694920749042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021721888564008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16466857833696455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23294406106075854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726686726506504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653946227767087,0.08906841232693237,0.11213344836815564,0.0,0.0,0.10196233015411317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862245403653793,0.11077275046792644,0.1253769657931982,0.07927552664858284,0.0,0.08944486806403122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440909063801493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19818488086215308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TinyPrincessJess,2020/03/05,"DAE have even more extreme moodswings and emotions while on their period? Its so exhausting cause emotions are already always extreme, but when I am on my period it gets so much worse. I just cry at the slightest thing and get angry over the dumbest things. And on top of that my mood changes almost every minute. I just have no idea how to cope with it and feel extremly exhausted and overwhelmed.",5.0405855855855854,7.1471526081081125,4.528108108108111,84.56531531531532,70.21621621621622,7.636036036036036,29.90090090090089,8.344100000000001,2.254295495495496,319,13,57,5,6,96,57,74,0.282,0.679,0.038,-0.9758,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,7,4,0,1,2,0,4,2,0,2,0,14,7,11,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,6,0,8,7,2,10,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,1,4,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23301511906188546,0.0,0.2567898865651995,0.0,0.19362477738655326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23904667445408764,0.24616540967053666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25560967497101866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5235116455662281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536959459369355,0.0,0.19605951912948397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765995153612195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24315196001875225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26268961773316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106104172740466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091906588877238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371408570029271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MeetHimHalfway,2020/03/05,"A new start Hi everyone. I'm 26 and after asking for a diagnosis for 5 years knowing it was more than just depression and anxiety, I have been diagnosed with BPD. While finally being able to point to what is going on in my mind has been freeing, I can't help but think ahead to all the work I have in front of me. I've been battling mental health since before I turned 10, and the last 4 years have been the worst of the lot. I'm scared I won't have the strength to make it through DBT. But I also know now that the thoughts I get trapped in are just that. Thoughts. Could I maybe get some advice from others who have been through DBT before? And what you did to help you stick with it. I may be scared, but I'm also excited to start this new chapter in my life.",2.2391586538461543,3.660925406250005,3.2225,93.88019230769231,76.1875,6.6730769230769225,22.93269230769231,7.321109707123232,0.5870961538461539,595,17,138,7,13,190,97,160,0.19399999999999998,0.775,0.031,-0.9803,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,3,5,8,1,2,8,0,21,3,0,1,1,23,37,10,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,10,6,0,0,5,0,1,2,2,5,0,0,9,0,14,4,23,23,5,20,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,3,12,94,24,1,0.15156872294938964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481112018756657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24241890596471116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594965819444485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169629568406145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25794763933198434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908955006400744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101529201585258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054591898048393,0.15383906329707694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483041011306738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16603612737040854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583768039454314,0.0,0.0861399981547292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611104648221838,0.0,0.0,0.20318664012283466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665964125368761,0.12354873881172433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070574714388188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885830810274626,0.0,0.0,0.10117329951913984,0.0,0.15227115442367847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527456233888886,0.0,0.15304120279287978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927720342180289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432814345279613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034934660996849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537921389170076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145622444470274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711911758917373,0.0,0.24065727126234135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486324651449158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034383548193356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952105764072489 bpd,abbyce1313,2020/03/05,"My experience I read a lot about individuals with BPD being manipulative and being liars... I’ve never found that true of myself (I have BPD). I hate the stigma because I feel that anyone who knows about BPD will automatically write me off as a lying deceiving b* . Idk if it’s my trauma or the way I was raised but I find it super hard to lie to others- even if it’s to protect them or it’s just a little white lie, and I even find it hard to ask for what I want or need. I don’t think I am manipulative or steering others to get my way, I some how WISH I had an ounce of strength to actually assert my needs. Does anyone else find this odd? I know Ofc the symptoms and stigmas around BPD are relative to each person suffering- but I see this “symptom” a lot when reading on my disorder, and I don’t see that within myself. Anyone else?",2.1849031007751947,3.941832645348839,4.592465116279069,82.56028682170546,77.19767441860466,7.144806201550387,22.513178294573642,8.021203637495839,1.1078662015503884,653,19,137,11,15,229,104,172,0.145,0.746,0.10800000000000001,-0.1441,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,2,8,7,2,0,8,0,10,2,0,3,2,37,24,15,0,6,9,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,14,7,0,1,8,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,6,24,3,18,18,4,9,0,1,3,0,5,5,0,9,2,96,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.10769897397696472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23150642970867666,0.22616114381951416,0.0,0.09824702115894046,0.10317508766492862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727663901892712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5559964688786303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648627115071506,0.0,0.09657994848655747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438928763219928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457882616462219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079567984812704,0.0,0.0,0.055803162846170096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026110506346463,0.0,0.0,0.1210080140035785,0.0,0.0,0.05766043689524322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977282536285964,0.10896122711144958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130591971493752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061334183090228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18765440791054772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636664531557908,0.08511922823613285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636525695598372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207869739770495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17589103426196204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22942011944209525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071655206531012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509532310354413,0.17520301073233674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691271756831332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Chrysantha,2020/03/05,"I haven't split on my partner or had a breakdown in about a week! Feels good Probably seems somewhat small, but I've been more aware of my actions and treating my partner with respect. I hope it lasts. Been going through a lot that has got me appreciating what I have in life at this moment.",3.128793103448277,5.066595672413797,3.785724137931037,88.58168965517244,75.0344827586207,6.019310344827588,28.84137931034483,6.742157984588678,1.3181406896551726,231,10,47,2,5,73,47,58,0.0,0.765,0.235,0.9336,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,9,11,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,1,7,4,8,7,3,10,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,5,3,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855091357414773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20851038739209965,0.3077274831137388,0.2934331205612056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644016621010993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29906194501147265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591432008488058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31191428275784155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3955663347760943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340002261852172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942946922213889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PonytailEnthusiast,2020/03/05,Been waiting in the ER for 8 hours now I need to not be in pain. I dont know how anyone can help me but I dont want to give up and scar my family for life. I need help. I dont know what kind but I need something to hold on to. I feel like I'm going to be crushed under the weight of the judgement of others. I'm being swallowed whole by this disease. I'm a fighter and I don't want to give in but i just dont have much fight left in me. I need more strength. I need help. I dont want to disappear. I'm sorry if this doesnt make much sense. I am so tired.,-2.3684328693309378,-0.6542909236641226,0.6565154916928613,104.08070498428378,95.6412213740458,3.693039964077234,14.576111360574766,5.0885558068054335,-1.320622272114953,423,9,117,2,17,147,72,131,0.135,0.672,0.192,0.8196,1,0,1,0,2,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,4,0,14,5,0,2,0,23,34,8,0,9,6,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,2,2,2,3,0,0,2,8,2,1,0,1,2,16,3,19,30,4,12,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,3,72,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800893553434706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6712028513975128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797855523637152,0.0,0.05791509994906596,0.08182773007793903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197552994393108,0.06509598504658393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303221750134583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279928422087593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927626687190315,0.12589688659889556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444854883593474,0.0,0.08090331680049878,0.055958684849816316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076456648870382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16840083987273274,0.4246515120906491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218791289673322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817884481553655,0.0,0.12821867142779553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164741331862193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026767992067628,0.0,0.0,0.1394794272771435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788033712711394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,goldsparrow,2020/03/05,"Loss of a partner is making me feel like my world is about to end I’m feeling really low today, thought about self harming. I am in a horrible unstable relationship and we have massive fights and I feel like it’s the end. I want to die inside I can’t handle it right now. Someone please help me",-0.050455373406190766,2.2929626065573814,2.3353005464480887,90.39162112932608,95.0655737704918,5.334061930783244,21.531876138433514,6.937597516519254,0.8675887067395265,233,9,48,4,9,79,47,61,0.287,0.537,0.17600000000000002,-0.8777,0,0,0,0,1,1,4.0,1,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,9,12,2,1,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,8,2,6,11,0,8,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,0,6,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24747618372080435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223965083965632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617064441546328,0.3407012138546061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982977190816286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23299182118189796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916898252330594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261749382389432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275886107440545,0.0,0.0,0.2560088868308782,0.0,0.20363724362733596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487580982752625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20204014007749305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893047532586184,0.0,0.0,0.2260252122500861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406455396072939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,otraynn,2020/03/05,"When relationships fail with FP how to stay positive I have a history of disordered eating and also BPD and I have found that I tend to lose my appetite and be repulsed by food when I am struggling with my FP or significant relationships in my life. My FP is not communicating with me after we had a big fight so I have no idea where they stand, and the idea of them realizing I’m too much is very real. Does anyone have strategies for dealing with the food repulsion? I haven’t eaten more than 400 calories for the past 4 days and I’m not even hungry. I also just don’t know how to get around the idea that being in a romantic relationship is just a timer to see how long it takes someone to realize you are too much and leave. Does anyone feel like they are too intense and they put the show on for someone to like them and then can’t hold it up forever so when you crack they see you and then they realize you are A LOT. Sorry for the ramble fest but I’m in it right now lol",2.8720751231527077,4.285935871921186,4.4132974137931065,86.01925646551727,74.51724137931033,7.833620689655173,24.01754926108375,8.472884824447931,1.3441332512315265,774,23,168,14,16,259,113,203,0.071,0.8590000000000001,0.071,0.2525,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,1,4,7,2,19,6,1,1,11,1,17,5,0,3,0,36,29,23,0,0,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,15,4,1,9,1,0,1,6,4,0,0,3,3,24,2,25,24,4,22,0,2,2,0,17,9,0,2,12,120,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196802334045777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17207556585742573,0.0,0.0,0.1095385025440022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154974216781065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793555594281579,0.12685673158925634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102327552312907,0.0,0.21535966807339013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259084722172954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127181710367368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062216592658823074,0.08790527090400653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975794310686952,0.13491540500074928,0.0,0.0,0.06428732229265273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41671748276698256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762377443383702,0.0,0.0,0.13028970231677803,0.0,0.0,0.08691219924598488,0.12022973988083832,0.0,0.0,0.10889330455568294,0.0,0.13765885405734568,0.0,0.10461071794252676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18090837220310246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746291194905713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369688149700725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005517247673904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3963214036620124,0.0,0.1050820269448484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19610610354080776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085157613154226,0.0,0.0,0.13774177819764408,0.0,0.13115243058470435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863612783694756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251652475950654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152720379959568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,seleneissearching,2020/03/05,"Help me stop bombarding my FP’s need for space Couple days ago I lost my FP’strust by randomly seeking ppl to chat with. I was talking to 4-5 random strangers at a time. From my end I was only looking to fill my loneliness and boredom by striking up interesting conversations and make new friends. And ironically, to stop myself from overwhelming him with messages while he’s trying to be productive. These random stranger chats usually ended quickly with me saying looks like we aren’t a match because I did not want anything NSFW. I know I’m in the wrong because they were all men. Some of them explicitly said they were looking for something I was not. A notification came up while we were staring at my phone and he asked me who that was. I said no one and hid the chat. he kept asking until I told him and found the messages to show him. I probably should have just told him instead of hiding the chat in the first place. He was hurt and needed time away from me to process. I can’t seem to give him space and I message him to console my desire to self-harm and my guilt. Especially at night. I do everything I can not to message and then Ill do it anyway and talk about how shitty I feel. I realize this is abusive and manipulative. What can I do to not bombard him and give him the space he needs. I’ve put my phone in the other room. I’ve turned it off only to turn it on again. What do you do? Clearly, I have no skills to deal with my BPD. I’ve seek treatment and will be starting this weekend.",2.675076036301199,4.6645157913907305,3.815268579838115,87.63104365955363,76.51655629139073,6.59327937208732,26.08584743684081,7.526774132740827,1.3109576649497177,1187,45,244,16,27,385,169,302,0.131,0.815,0.053,-0.9629,1,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,2,1,3,3,7,8,0,2,10,0,25,1,0,3,3,50,52,19,0,6,5,0,1,1,1,2,1,3,1,1,11,21,0,3,5,6,0,3,8,5,0,2,17,8,45,3,40,31,2,39,0,3,4,0,46,16,0,5,21,164,56,0,0.0,0.13843058486002152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356733882821813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614539924184087,0.0,0.2184502459292124,0.0,0.10977049884978404,0.0,0.0,0.14244328424225955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714982089081913,0.0,0.0,0.1336283222077826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292759059142457,0.0,0.07534902643218858,0.12045194174799367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20696258429984926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500392741419733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059075378190918924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993799455642158,0.0,0.12810374585934492,0.0902665712826224,0.0,0.0,0.224157904160628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831215927361103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250744780692958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420956016159768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057079768030732024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29433637990480177,0.0,0.1275394019993391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798839078582916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598954196556327,0.0,0.11284014618618968,0.0,0.10964190305721604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917054259559099,0.1777168404109792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206789740163787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596808633219564,0.0,0.0,0.11745162734231958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22227402488709527,0.09291202562395476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636236107121566,0.12188457494593978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994543064757647,0.0,0.0,0.082696542701238,0.0,0.0,0.1953588862700267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878153862493592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625506760830688,0.0,0.0,0.2232820452679417,0.0,0.07932341886848626,0.25416625446638336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867744589811095,0.0,0.06891241705067368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277409297034281,0.0,0.0 bpd,IDontWantToHurt19,2020/03/05,"I feel like I’m putting on a show.. I’m not meant to be this holly homemaker type but it’s what I “should” do... Must be part of the unstable sense of self...I am so conflicted about who I am. Like sometimes I feel I was not meant to be a mom and wife. Feels like.... I’m wearing a shirt and everyone else has this same shirt, and they say I should have it too or I won’t be as good as them- but the shirt just doesn’t quite fit me right... I can make it look like it fits and I’ll likely be able to wear it the rest of my life if I wanted to, but it just doesn’t quite feel right to me. What if I’m just postponing the inevitable that I snap one day and run away from my family :(",0.2777526395173453,1.4384690326797411,2.18823529411765,100.3362895927602,80.89542483660131,6.2763197586727015,17.651583710407238,7.010146845296331,-0.39894932126696814,514,9,141,6,13,171,85,153,0.06,0.833,0.107,0.7869,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,2,2,6,6,0,0,7,0,18,6,5,1,1,29,31,14,0,6,11,2,4,5,0,4,1,1,0,0,12,5,0,1,6,1,0,2,5,0,0,1,3,6,16,6,14,19,3,9,0,0,1,0,6,6,0,3,6,89,28,1,0.17212297233155166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16171519844726545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100507777562676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378665704560406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16447087623072934,0.0,0.0,0.16226221976193858,0.0,0.3481221861099525,0.2459293716509131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436858287259566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157554563881012,0.4204529500701939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453994648019028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489342058809515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20158834490959135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663498062939585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18639240577386346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17303112787716776,0.0,0.36614793622010944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939841558144045,0.0,0.13687909610829666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795617987672289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17023402080891092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015225886335884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,brentwilliamstkd,2020/03/05,"Just got diagnosed Hey y’all, just found this place. I got diagnosed with BPD today, I’m 31 and have been pretty self aware of my symptoms over the years. I’ve avoided relationships basically forever, so I didn’t hurt anybody and I find it hard to connect with people. Plus the anger outbursts. I made the mistake of googling it, and reading all of the stuff against us is kind of discouraging. I have a good heart and I need to hear this is manageable please!",2.8836579275905123,5.38728528089888,3.6464419475655454,86.53260923845195,78.21348314606742,7.1016229712858925,27.86641697877653,8.167268648758528,1.9866244694132336,366,16,72,7,9,116,63,89,0.18100000000000002,0.73,0.08900000000000001,-0.8254,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,1,0,0,3,7,1,1,5,0,6,4,1,1,1,17,13,6,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,7,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,6,2,9,2,11,7,1,4,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,44,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285639551173037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683907126236335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586670951287594,0.0,0.0,0.19898018659960606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221431514386802,0.2902875039617016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625677651476407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045377920796571,0.2150511437306194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194274904438802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18898039099471536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17171794525516024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456291162695996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258133163131604,0.0,0.18960486158982698,0.19920727259422652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846273725819717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18152613131646173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948384047362791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932011163034684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077477711136552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18862411118879294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201899641115911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182945116556113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686525160300927 bpd,pnp888,2020/03/05,"Coping alternatives other than drugs? Pot has recently stopped holding back the tears for me, and being sober has become a lot worse. I used to have passing suicidal ideations that I was able to communicate to my parents, and one online friend, but Ive now come to the realization that there's literally nothing left to talk about; its all on me, and no one can say anything to help/fix my fucked up life. Context: [Im not afraid like I used to be-- in terms of crying, starving myself, self harm, etc--which worries me even more. Its like this immense sadness weighing me down to the point its become debilitating (no work, no friends for years, no motivation to continue my studies at home, etc), and I feel like Im suffocating in my own body. I cannot stop thinking about the release of going to kill myself, and its giving me headaches. As eerily calm as I feel about it, Im still getting these random rushes of tears (without full on crying) and something at my core is reminding me that things could still get better as far fetched as it may seem. Also, on a metaphysical level, I keep having these visions that a demon will be waiting for me at my suicide spot, and there will be only worse hell to pay on the other side. Lately, Ive been having immense feelings of impending doom, and paralyzing anxiety attacks. Several times throughout every day I will get this strong sense that I am about to drop dead, someone is coming to murder me, and I keep sensing some sort of entity trailing me behind my back, possibly waiting to collect. Ive had multiple suicide attempts, psych ward admissions, and was diagnosed with BPD just over a year ago.] Has/is anyone else been in a similar situation? Mainly, what did you find were the best coping mechanisms when the drugs stopped working? Ive tried exercise, but I cant afford to feed the progress, so I only become even more exhausted/depleted. Talking doesnt work because not only has everything been discussed, I only have my parents to talk to and not only are they very biased, I also know how badly it stresses them out, so lately Ive just been trying to play it cool and stay in my room as much as possible. I dont have any games, and only really watch 2-3 shows once a week on TV. I feel like Ive totally run out of options and Im grasping for any sort of straw here. I know when you quit smoking the first couple of weeks are the worst, but its never ever been close to this severe. Im now at a loss for words and would be eternally grateful for any advice at all, please, and thank you in advance.",8.532445322793151,6.795219995959599,8.536811594202902,72.19043478260872,62.17171717171718,11.1945542380325,37.48133509003074,9.867487886160001,3.5802428634167764,2018,79,373,32,23,660,270,495,0.23399999999999999,0.6729999999999999,0.09300000000000001,-0.998,3,0,3,0,0,3,68.0,0,3,2,13,25,26,5,2,17,1,45,9,1,4,5,68,68,32,6,2,9,2,4,4,2,5,5,1,2,1,23,22,2,8,11,5,1,7,13,13,0,3,10,7,48,13,67,47,15,64,3,3,1,1,17,28,2,8,31,259,71,6,0.0667864442742646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526294038755266,0.05920215318567601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681819071370337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625121693377915,0.0,0.05109144706727571,0.0,0.0,0.04669863469874163,0.06843060461582437,0.05495955306387178,0.0,0.0,0.07597922196611885,0.0,0.10270930633146284,0.05576389129736994,0.040712396540227534,0.22128114166945914,0.0,0.0,0.07008825286966966,0.05906718261776105,0.0,0.07418468366259402,0.08411518859311938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506121613271607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053323541290569015,0.07389793029100168,0.14672354597091414,0.04307173145221895,0.0,0.0,0.06778683509477093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827321528995575,0.0,0.15490214413081652,0.0,0.055791504341798526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489690791301028,0.08822363313038888,0.0604121624421665,0.05627045977679005,0.0,0.06002334969892235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507693173275287,0.09542449826819437,0.0,0.0,0.061041600128223635,0.0568085153818186,0.0,0.0,0.10319808235071744,0.0617429915491321,0.10467948187340996,0.06406764299461677,0.03795627537527685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04476554579921463,0.0,0.06699224904090531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607041021379171,0.0,0.0,0.11872572064543815,0.0738893053545274,0.0,0.07340816631345297,0.0,0.1506760363082463,0.0,0.07256366711848708,0.0,0.0471732407007203,0.13051393263520006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056779446616131414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049095721088352855,0.0,0.05150982307800246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408339452151972,0.0,0.0,0.07112538347834682,0.09051244617400983,0.3047646022981089,0.0,0.0,0.1483168854475195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331146022033352,0.06313477712571118,0.15058336214316936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103560439160145,0.0,0.0,0.04278510636673763,0.0,0.06594355654416464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053111261098485664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06079987054386528,0.06967282696033221,0.1508993440487031,0.0,0.0,0.07507076160659573,0.0,0.0,0.05658793750338096,0.05141546769277973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118546337719774,0.10667148133798957,0.1675093737368964,0.07650364626832908,0.0,0.0,0.21916059047251304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104124224632416,0.0,0.06148798484596987,0.0,0.0,0.04436994595200063,0.042794056772523736,0.0,0.0,0.038943712738681434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906872233697706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536408906057775,0.0,0.05510581096854097,0.0,0.0,0.10714411420119613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437974900056935,0.0,0.1458639805631308,0.06782487605166844,0.1361221848820705,0.04744317381573975,0.0,0.0,0.08601656086607742 bpd,maisiedaisymay,2020/03/05,"How to use shopping as a motivator vs a vice? I want to be able to treat myself to nice things, but I worry that I might be overindulging as I do with everything. I recognize that I have an addictive personality, and have been sober from substances and sex for the last 7 months. How do I shop without making it my next addiction? Part of my thinks it's good that I even think I deserve nice things because a couple of months ago this certainly wasn't the case. However, another part of me is self-deprecating, and I tell myself that I will mess up self-care the way I mess up everything else. Please give me some insight into this problem. Has anyone overcome something similar?",6.136812977099236,6.585008587786263,6.559608778625956,77.19910782442751,66.17557251908397,10.21412213740458,33.16889312977099,10.125756701596842,3.242518320610686,539,22,103,12,8,175,88,131,0.10800000000000001,0.746,0.146,0.4638,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,7,0,12,3,0,5,1,21,18,8,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,10,5,0,0,4,2,2,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,18,5,16,12,3,9,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,2,5,73,28,1,0.15429757956313034,0.0,0.0,0.3364142738039116,0.0,0.0,0.13677549449949453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179446562573965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788845522796008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405837236332856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072733699973647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288958286920296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191209608631686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773454306919545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801629806474625,0.0,0.1294174891384755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257731211675635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299483249873063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368534847217228,0.0,0.0,0.2463177118450296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16409722633326426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341784849550153,0.0,0.0,0.134726694939439,0.0,0.1693724076667912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476419452986255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32193205307211115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878581504539296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486288547928996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050169114446689,0.19773531744171616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326356795889294,0.0,0.0,0.091008710138772,0.12247423669605588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487373605768907,0.0,0.0,0.15669668182910612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BeerusBoyfriend,2020/03/05,"Everyone is ghosting me and I can’t take it anymore My BPD is ruining my fucking life and I’ve never been more alone than right now because of it. I’m in therapy but one appointment a week isn’t enough to stop me from wanting to die every day. Multiple times a month multiple people ghost and block me from everything, they say my bpd causes them too much stress, or I always act too toxic. It feels like all my friends are vanishing and the pain in my chest is becoming too much. It hurts so much and I don’t know what to do anymore, everyone is leaving me because of my behavior due to this fucked up nightmare of An illness",3.38913385826772,4.925912519685038,4.693708661417325,84.03111417322836,73.40944881889763,8.54456692913386,30.02283464566929,9.120678840339163,2.5963927559055118,498,22,100,11,10,165,84,127,0.26,0.682,0.057999999999999996,-0.987,0,1,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,2,0,5,8,2,1,4,0,10,6,1,1,2,15,17,8,3,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,6,5,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,1,2,15,2,13,16,6,13,0,2,0,2,4,4,2,1,9,68,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209592232919886,0.0,0.0,0.12219386415971994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912783939010814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17904104348520702,0.16218813709051047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699136483843775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085898230762354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470834928987937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241073281897574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173890697767334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373039530937613,0.2806495974095449,0.13198244363917375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425353474437403,0.10491215941505937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345863864516137,0.2715273620390304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572096935704516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070683510432562,0.0,0.0,0.15549663722127774,0.0,0.0,0.10372695981297048,0.07174519518052436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721705109692265,0.0,0.3238626271594666,0.0,0.11326246128143574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995117224024193,0.0,0.1562624625589686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180971629768476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541207426041884,0.0,0.11678378597158125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227760895782426,0.16822017152405455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041554498701003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16793975912727424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563144838491868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661799061622556,0.0,0.11779700803737755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,coolkidcrescenzo,2020/03/05,"Just a thought.. What if love wasn’t lovely at all? What if love is actually our own personal emotional hell built to play on our highest of highs and lowest of lows? When I think about my relationships And bpd this question this the only thing running through my mind.",4.8008823529411755,6.666232176470594,4.884460784313728,82.75257352941178,70.37254901960785,8.237254901960785,30.39705882352941,8.841846274778883,2.4344470588235296,215,9,41,4,4,67,43,51,0.13699999999999998,0.61,0.253,0.8205,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,2,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,10,7,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,4,7,5,2,6,1,1,0,3,8,4,1,3,1,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.2268725563455836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928076646314945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615151779666716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24563396011427074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6294824009442848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347443341091029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768158897217981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20299759023868846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26043724780265315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24960269103707314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445320246352834,0.1489674817740973,0.0,0.18456771725535728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,unmakethewildlyra,2020/03/05,"is the “favourite person” concept specific to borderline personality disorder? when reading up on bpd out of sheer interest, I found out that I relate to most of the symptoms. I only really feel as valuable as my last interaction, my feelings on people can change extremely quickly, and friends have mentioned seeing my emotional state change as if a switch had been flipped. what I recognise more than anything, though, is what’s described on here as having a “favourite person”. I think since I was a teenager, I’ve pretty much always had someone like this whom my life started revolving around, seemingly entirely beyond my control. most posts about it here sound like I could have written them. what I was wondering is: I’ve really only seen this concept mentioned in connection with bpd, and when looking it up I also only find bpd-related information. is it something that has be associated with other disorders? (I’m not asking for a diagnosis, obviously, only looking to do more research on this subject specifically. I like learning about myself)",8.097786885245903,9.601960158469948,8.154221311475414,63.76280737704921,62.169398907103826,10.908743169398909,40.933060109289606,10.864195022040775,5.169991256830602,851,47,121,22,12,276,117,183,0.015,0.861,0.124,0.9564,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,1,11,6,0,0,6,0,17,2,0,1,1,23,31,11,0,2,2,0,2,3,1,0,2,1,0,3,13,7,0,1,9,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,7,17,6,26,21,5,18,0,0,4,0,11,11,0,5,8,95,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956124160245902,0.09948383822174893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983880295473742,0.10643411244819538,0.1117728431136472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4517464498518482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25295811953408553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340971653223747,0.0954592580105224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27405317429480264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448936793543112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090667053865675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927604797031397,0.0,0.0,0.1310918175193717,0.09237207554940273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745769099625924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444905282460999,0.17523353008619946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20080126330398024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789065754368072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36372431511651854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288813366538712,0.3131866129058429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450582244397695,0.12163591887819047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959276392387415,0.0,0.15318691927883651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527416657743353,0.10884330614177896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890160597618104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013031467093118,0.09204344417921843,0.0,0.0,0.0846254729910601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242690440002024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660948256427577,0.11746749497717315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965816364920474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,d1444,2020/03/05,"Why do I have the urge to share every private detail of my life? Everywhere I go , I end up telling people some of the most intimate details of my life. I do not know why I do this. I feel like once somebody has crossed the acquaintancd threshold into 'mild friend', I start to unleash Pandora's box. I open Pandora's box everywhere I go, and I ruin everything and everyone for myself. Why do I do this?",2.7710357142857163,4.688724175000001,4.649642857142863,82.08250000000002,76.0,8.571428571428571,30.17857142857143,9.23628265651192,2.9093571428571434,314,15,61,8,7,107,50,80,0.052000000000000005,0.878,0.069,-0.1179,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,7,2,0,0,0,9,12,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,14,3,8,12,2,8,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,2,3,39,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052896531375034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19528594896054688,0.22147719975548005,0.2083103079705007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719571379346573,0.16558478260448506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790738472967046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634535877286771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738107593968276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32742832073265743,0.1132367555211927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468397817051585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606881398130536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640561710633824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025872871811204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6274403812107888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mimiriam,2020/03/05,"me or bpd talking? I have this person who should be very dear to me and who proved they'd always be there for me. Now I gained weight and I'm ashamed of it because I think I look worse. I also suddenly lost interest in that person that used to be so dear to me. It's like all the great moments don't matter right now and I'd rather not spend time with them and I find them boring. Am I devaluing them?? Is it normal for people to lose interest in another person? If I'm devaluing them how do I make it stop? What I have is good and I didn't want it to stop just weeks ago. Now that that person and I finally don't fight all the time or have some problem they're suddenly uninteresting. Feels like I'm playing mind games on everyone including myself.",1.533333333333335,3.506092439490448,3.298369426751595,90.0571932059448,80.01910828025478,6.989214437367304,21.29469214437368,8.021203637495839,0.9275107430997872,591,17,130,11,15,197,90,157,0.135,0.68,0.185,0.8869,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,5,3,9,15,1,1,2,0,15,1,0,3,3,31,25,12,0,6,6,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,4,13,7,1,2,4,2,1,0,4,6,0,0,2,3,21,9,12,18,3,17,0,2,1,0,14,4,0,4,15,84,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370864000084165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367220136764398,0.12867978642252895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621622419650627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427217722826436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19477413860429826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777309197385044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819483455842438,0.11048078689949736,0.0,0.16940966956963407,0.1413457579167257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297116691044938,0.0,0.1705003128787276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110670991802252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986563514836974,0.17301190660735954,0.16881690383408732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322895090518587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561507125364443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152251342908096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721366935249856,0.5401317732204753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797755142682315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320688157430148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258585831512307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430045735663844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909239561442963,0.0,0.0,0.1803533518642169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356649047851993,0.0,0.12760105568338262,0.0912155827912568,0.0,0.12404954978467235,0.1883199847679088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575998446225268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LxJ1997,2020/03/05,"Borderline men, have you had any experiences with a female psychopath? I know it’s usually a psychopathic man/borderline woman combination but I want to know about the dynamic when it’s the other way around. I’d like to know from a male borderline’s perspective.",3.666875000000001,6.837618604166671,5.4758333333333375,70.05250000000001,81.70833333333334,10.7,28.83333333333333,10.125756701596842,4.408433333333333,215,10,35,9,6,73,35,48,0.0,0.812,0.188,0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,6,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506694669939429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281437031040228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605742261802419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6077401620040349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800856828943931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059751207326421,0.0,0.2174174863112988,0.29258782637121755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,elfinngirl6,2020/03/05,"I don't exist without the people around me I've got no idea who I am. I know who I want to be when I have something to bounce it off but I feel like on a basic level I'm some kind of liquid which tries to fit into whatever size glass it's given. I want to be liked by the people I love and so I will act however I need to in the moment with no idea if that's me or something pretend. I've never understood people who can trust their instincts and have a strong character that doesn't adapt to environments. I have such poor sense of self. Sometimes I feel like I don't exist without everything around me. I self harmed from 11-18 because I would go through periods of feeling like a shell, and that nothing was real. When I'm stressed I will shut down for months at a time, with no emotions other than panic at people leaving me. However, when I'm away from people I forget they exist. I've not read loads about bpd but I've always suspected it. Is this other people's experience?",1.8548916408668743,3.8100099999999983,3.6365841073271423,88.11357585139318,78.90196078431373,6.2555211558307535,22.5015479876161,7.273561745256523,0.8299058823529415,776,24,160,10,19,260,118,204,0.138,0.695,0.168,0.8126,2,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,1,8,11,0,2,7,0,15,1,0,0,1,31,30,11,0,5,7,0,3,4,0,3,0,0,0,2,13,8,0,0,8,2,1,2,10,3,0,0,4,3,23,8,30,21,1,23,0,0,0,1,8,13,0,3,12,106,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021841102339052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21444000993341436,0.0,0.0,0.11316037386572653,0.0,0.0,0.07342107154661871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169402453993264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548241598787086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082466036691748,0.11781658449090067,0.0,0.0,0.1826991391783237,0.2581339902599407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845065991675932,0.0,0.09632944907477332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719314793994694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254230836809147,0.06619244614696901,0.0,0.0,0.1275319837780697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353699020486609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870471223999878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613663244519564,0.0,0.0,0.08930712459901557,0.09289323957696337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556852197255585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413141726330214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5010009985817051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047581782712033,0.13709075749448646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25129710102205377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18544615659480634,0.1191214284394181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379673063631642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023141259818637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177304311743311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208106839555354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322059401663383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555941077264394,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,vanillaface23,2020/03/06,My bpd is making me push everyone away I keep pushing people away and victiming myself & I don’t know how to stop myself once I feel the bpd taking over me. What are some healthy coping mechanisms you guys do? How can I stop blaming others & stop feeling like everyone hates me. I don’t know how to stop pushing those I love most away. It’s hurting me,3.0829166666666694,4.844670347222227,4.167777777777779,86.555,74.69444444444444,7.022222222222222,25.88888888888889,7.793537801064563,1.4644555555555554,283,10,56,4,6,92,47,72,0.221,0.644,0.135,-0.7152,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,6,5,2,0,1,0,6,1,0,4,0,16,15,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,5,4,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,0,2,14,2,6,15,2,11,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,2,5,37,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261967809855392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4242815851213281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791726672896145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876743177449838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15222423367007307,0.10753813353538677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904763373485067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861648023889362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114468632136195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337973228318211,0.0,0.0,0.16545388940724814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354099298749288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585853434899134,0.0,0.10047945003558144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16030874932667924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435803559342906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5033968069909903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317927004265994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,classytofu,2020/03/06,"We argue all the time. I feel like I'm falling rapidly. Me and my significant other argue all the time. It's always my fault, he lets me know more often than not. He's everything I've ever wanted but I hate him for not understanding how claustrophobic it feels to be inside my body sometimes. He probably thinks I'm pathetic. I don't feel worthy of love, or anything for that matter. I wish I could just disappear. It would make everything better.",2.193103448275864,4.858439172413796,4.2144942528735685,80.3424310344828,82.5632183908046,7.1581609195402285,22.49310344827586,8.238735603445708,1.7423986206896558,356,12,64,8,10,121,63,87,0.218,0.61,0.172,-0.5587,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,1,4,7,3,0,2,0,5,2,1,2,3,24,18,4,0,4,5,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,0,3,12,3,5,14,3,5,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,2,4,41,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17790764227268302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594799997173546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890982016080494,0.0,0.2374955033531666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071045739004267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934040319307861,0.0,0.0,0.38431856674146897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243273642492511,0.15274641697943542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110938149499883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117504776916891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21863594143661744,0.0,0.10445711498473163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19297251733551155,0.0,0.14272031202725735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23052411270004275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21146426351605932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700127239120624,0.0,0.0,0.2493494937952496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22258449397092345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611109890745095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458717695035075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188499687196605,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,KurokaKisho,2020/03/06,"I am not the person I want to be for my partner My partner and I are in a relationship for 4.5 years now. They are diagnosed with BPD. The psychologists and therapists I went to were telling me that I show characteristics of BPD and NPD. I cheated on my partner and they found out in july last year. We have been trying to rebuild our relationship since then. But it's hard, since our shared future is directly linked with me getting better. I constantly lie, gaslight and ignore boundaries. I get mad at myself when my partner calls me out on my lies. I get aggressive and start hitting my legs. And the worst thing: My partner suffers for so long under me and my abuse, but in every conflict, I instinctively shift the focus to myself. ""You are suffering? But *I* am suffering because of that!"" I hate being like that. I hate that I am not able to be interested in other people and their well-being. I hate that I can't seem to calm my partner down when they are upset. I hate that all this time I did not know how to properly express love and affection. And that hurt their self-esteem. I wish to be a better partner. Can anyone help me? Please ask questions, I'll be as open as I can",2.8969752707950143,4.976229042918463,4.234138565297364,84.46775393419173,76.16738197424894,7.013202534232577,25.68751277334968,7.957251820313856,1.5642010627426934,929,34,182,15,21,306,129,233,0.22399999999999998,0.648,0.127,-0.9736,0,0,0,0,1,0,32.0,3,1,5,2,5,21,7,1,6,0,20,3,1,2,1,35,37,21,0,2,6,0,1,1,7,0,1,0,0,8,11,17,0,2,5,1,0,1,4,14,0,0,5,1,45,7,28,26,2,25,0,4,0,1,27,12,0,2,13,135,56,0,0.12515843015336175,0.1482922736737806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751368444167958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700623704723978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629541734294018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22138492115740996,0.0,0.0,0.3152653227992113,0.0,0.12780075073797115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525179964888642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270331720414046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545137544303676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722975857408698,0.0,0.0,0.1961703420942833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121173697963744,0.494272152586466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838910575053191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339846880673968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878380003656688,0.10202082524813806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061146086976431986,0.0,0.0,0.1107612721796144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296036972477115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867690965523219,0.10928351362421694,0.0,0.1373863719372056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020608562411616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26874662949957023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393953418972595,0.1305675386893176,0.0,0.0,0.2070646935487824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858778104945414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939398453515244,0.0,0.0,0.14531858399321432,0.08314969963870042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298088711985877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849743584590073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382168484756206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253245963107393,0.1160231186608212,0.0,0.0,0.14392601791948995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16119585107688958 bpd,SusLookingCydro,2020/03/06,"DAE experience a sort of “crisis reversal”? I’ll frequently build up problems in my head to the point that they’re all consuming, tearing me up inside, making seconds feel like minutes. But as soon as I’m confronted with these problems (seeing a friend I’ve been upset with on Messenger is an easy example) it’s like they never existed. I can’t even remember what I was upset about, which makes resolving conflict and talking to my psych about what’s really happening nearly impossible. It really makes me feel like a child in an adult’s body, making up their own meaningless problems which must be invalid since they can’t even be remembered, much less discussed. I hate this.",8.10953142857143,8.272536296000002,8.177485714285716,68.23960000000001,62.040000000000006,12.262857142857143,37.05714285714286,11.765960540728905,4.723354285714287,547,24,90,16,7,178,88,125,0.203,0.68,0.11699999999999999,-0.8982,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,3,1,5,12,2,2,6,0,8,2,2,4,3,21,18,4,0,4,1,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,2,9,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,2,3,10,5,16,13,4,11,0,0,1,0,8,8,0,1,6,60,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785705527518648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21236382169564935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572562704612219,0.0,0.0,0.16257238807709534,0.22969708247759066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420446983446568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421614744108747,0.0,0.0,0.15871938072892644,0.1649883876675741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356208580583207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4292400428268766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817870778249533,0.0,0.12398971222987927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519722332507391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4614831156005311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20597675197226856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36422444695051137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281066521271559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329841455113673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921455941213938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,onasesameroll,2020/03/06,"I’m starting to attract more aggression than ever from strangers in my huge city (I’m pretty aggressive myself) I live in one of the largest cities in the world. I was once able to stand it but now the crowds and the subways feel like they are caving in on me. I seem to attract aggression everywhere I go now. It used to be that when I was angry I would, but now even when I’m in an okay mood disputes are rampant (at least once a day and sometimes twice). As I’ve gotten older, I’ve been able to pick up on glares easier, since I’m much more hyper-vigilant of my environment. I won’t back down and I make snarky remarks. I look like someone who won’t say anything to people (many people in this city are transplants from smaller cities and towns, and I appear as one of them), but I grew up here and am pretty hardened. I do fear that one day either I or someone else will end up getting violent. By some grace, I’ve never been assaulted nor have I assaulted anyone (though I have been nudged aggressively). I once had a “power” where if I’m in a good mood others treat me well but if I want to switch things up then i have that power too. It looks like I’ve lost it, and that I’m eating karma. I had a reddit account that was pretty solid, but the past month was very difficult and I just started being very contrarian in every sub I was in. Not sure what’s happening. I’m in my early-30s. Some things are getting easier, other things far more difficult, but it’s always getting weirder and weirder.",3.4454390732265447,4.764448924342108,4.625308924485129,85.44303203661329,72.91447368421052,7.392219679633868,25.71739130434783,7.893859768569023,1.4037965102974832,1179,38,239,16,23,388,161,304,0.11900000000000001,0.696,0.185,0.9681,2,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,2,3,14,24,7,1,10,1,25,1,0,3,3,34,49,25,0,4,12,0,1,3,0,4,0,1,0,0,18,9,1,0,2,0,1,3,5,11,1,4,12,4,29,11,34,31,8,44,1,1,2,0,5,23,0,7,20,164,47,0,0.2316598906724877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637979346321283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099099095947526,0.0,0.09531817566077122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906607820773868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940146473916555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852295105653145,0.09676105635447818,0.0,0.10259095141868843,0.0,0.0,0.07650458647635719,0.1047748169461516,0.09759172465036384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303408911449426,0.0585671006624517,0.08274893609213002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154909720048745,0.0,0.06582882723672512,0.09715266263350723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242803812657153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976598148427058,0.0,0.10227996383487588,0.0,0.1945359631305308,0.0,0.12644206815204811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731738794620874,0.11743338434214905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245435728525178,0.0,0.08514833738646439,0.0,0.08933519453293748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700653345078989,0.23546810598715726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057278925495026,0.1606037994918196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535220880719459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211262160496726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544723196560926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095815727735769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19628467360203908,0.0,0.11455877770157835,0.0,0.16397006296490044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916835268831343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308568064989525,0.0,0.11380233319210503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000398829048114,0.0,0.19114367119122305,0.06831950280971834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414503147449593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228226984338223,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Parsemblue,2020/03/06,"Does anyone else feel like they're lying constantly? I've always been a good liar but lately I've realized it's gotten out of hand. I lie about everything, mostly to get myself out of situations or to make myself look better to others. For exemple, my mom thinks I v'e been taking driving lessons for 2 years even though I've never been. I'll also make up situations that never happened so I can relate more easily to others during a conversation. Most of the time I do it on purpose but sometimes it feels like it's out of my control? I can't help it and it's starting to affect my mental well being. Am I the only one or is it related to my bpd? I don't know what's a normal thing to do and what's not anymore",2.6384004474272937,4.112407107382552,5.012231543624164,81.24282158836692,75.24161073825503,7.382774049217002,23.154921700223714,8.07648339933343,1.326570022371364,565,16,111,9,12,199,94,149,0.05,0.8,0.15,0.9392,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,6,6,1,0,5,0,11,1,1,4,2,25,23,9,0,1,5,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,1,6,0,0,1,5,1,1,1,4,4,13,5,19,18,3,13,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,4,9,79,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823957297022714,0.13343209450658716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15903370619303067,0.11212721226687096,0.16430743594128286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182509972965426,0.0,0.0,0.20196739513034906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329183824746225,0.179857009502161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403318309340653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395993031439668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591605196577862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412093450006255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621653383922608,0.22912196559497724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378131080794525,0.0,0.0,0.13450208592767596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180552968964003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074857089174414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812948279376684,0.0,0.18089269649590792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668727279478165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346617381332664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21408265456345327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160483390114502,0.0,0.0,0.18781131150241892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473585321436297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711843245805265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086638649118837,0.12196075778859758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605019836661412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15859981748840898,0.0,0.1135034022776495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205705174725102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065358415749064,0.10275200374589527,0.15755256503382098,0.0,0.09350701520247752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418260490878204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326637214253273 bpd,AvocadoVortex,2020/03/06,"How can I create an identity when there's none? Hello, everyone. I have a question that I think you guys might be able to help me with I have BPD obviously and I am currently incapable of developing on identity. I never really had a like a stable identity mainly because I grew up. You know all the time on the internet and I was pretty much you could say that I was educated by the internet. So when I came to real life later when I when I got older I still related a lot to you know, the previous education that I had via watching TV shows and movies in English. That's why my English is very good I'd say. About My native language, that's what I have trouble with. talking to people. I'm very very shy and I stutter a lot but only when I'm with people if I'm alone in my room I can talk very fluently, but it seems inauthentic to me. So I think it might it might be a coping mechanism because if I am capable of speaking fluently alone in my room then I should be able to speak the same way with friends or family (people who know me and therefore have a preconception of how I should express myself , but I'm worried that if I start speaking like that with people who know me, they will feel like I am faking it because to them it won't seem ""authentic"". So basically I think it comes from fear of what people who've known me for years will think of me when I no longer stutter therefore breaking their expectations of you I should be. And I feel this is the thing that's stopped me from being fully myself and do the things I want to do. I've lost all my confidence because of this. This is going to be harder than I thought to explain. I am capable of speaking fluently and you know having an identity behind closed doors, but once I go out into the world with my family and friends I get this kind of mental block because the idea that I think they have of me is one that I have to keep up that shy stuttering guy . Listen, so, how do I switch from my inherited person to my ""real personality"" ? And I mean, how do I get that into the real world without seeming fake because all of a sudden I will be so confident and you know what I mean? And as I already said this identity that I've created developed, but that's hidden from the world. I developed it by watching TV shows and movies and listening to music internet culture. You know that all that jazz. So when I'm abroad for example, I was in France like three months ago and I could speak French with the locals but when I did that I changed into a whole persona, one which was perfectly comfortable using French mannerisms and the like in front of complete strangers! not perfectly but they were about they were able to understand what I was saying. Then when I went to London, same thing happened. I could be whoever I wanted to be because they were strangers. They didn't know me so Yeah, I just used my you know, my English that I know and for me it's kind of strange because whenever I switch to a different language, it seems like I'm I'm acting because I'm not just speaking the language. I also I also have an accent which I got from God knows where I had this mannerism which by the way come so easily to do they're like second nature. So it's like a different Persona. I dont know if I'm explaining myself correctly, but this is so hard. But then when I switch to my native language, I mean I can still do it but not with people that I know, because with them I get very very shy and I just get myself into a mental block, all of a sudden I develop a speech impediment . And yeah, I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to overcome this or or any books on the subject about, you know, creating creating a new identity when you have none. I really appreciate it. If someone, you know could have some insight into this and I imagine that some of you guys have also been going through this in. I would like to know how how did you overcome it? I know this is a long post but I am desperate. So if you reached all the way here, thank you so much for reading it. I really appreciate it. Thank you. Might taking acting classes help?",3.312781493868449,4.813622968599034,4.826309178743962,83.14893979933109,73.54106280193237,8.235481233742107,27.11044221479004,8.841846274778883,2.0669601412114456,3230,119,651,65,65,1084,277,828,0.11,0.784,0.106,0.7657,3,2,0,0,0,0,70.0,0,17,9,3,44,27,0,1,36,2,74,1,0,11,11,158,146,78,0,18,28,0,3,9,2,12,1,13,3,5,58,39,0,4,41,7,2,11,11,8,0,4,23,18,122,19,83,98,18,72,0,1,2,0,57,26,0,24,39,485,180,3,0.14897360647317162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04852509469661828,0.0440187045284669,0.0,0.0,0.10286115214481363,0.05479869306884717,0.11913413927391375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753810728293122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0347219364849736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30270975927673777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254234742821224,0.0,0.0,0.056795372927903175,0.0,0.0,0.05253144081777433,0.08555171396802405,0.05206533068188264,0.0,0.0,0.15859107023485602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376380756574777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05819865242967678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04745022170292255,0.0,0.0,0.0936260385809727,0.05587890813675847,0.0502170210592489,0.03547559141025595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673109254410905,0.0,0.10377674763116583,0.0,0.08466513365681183,0.04165066436827016,0.07943186806302695,0.0,0.0,0.1475072920054849,0.0439122894037783,0.0,0.04448369666719172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656924546007728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05605768952616947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0441381954523684,0.0,0.10342205764373463,0.4639413226871834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035074821308318,0.21834293752580988,0.0,0.0,0.04394565126758402,0.0,0.0,0.05420742983131123,0.08443468858460604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227593055853795,0.0,0.0,0.10008690423918007,0.210716605818956,0.0,0.0,0.039636437131925266,0.0,0.07300849458708918,0.0,0.038299209747877774,0.047959879148362916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528840096404595,0.06729891414230676,0.037767046910218434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065590824042632,0.08671867132833477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047558511630980266,0.050519904920500215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05562817782048235,0.0,0.04967130694893165,0.1695645786395477,0.0954363069939217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047236004789534686,0.11846979123020235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18082663503441515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042074951109030916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03514809514155179,0.0,0.07931367637768487,0.04151620186936606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03733653735791505,0.07982622790881136,0.0,0.091436587736828,0.0,0.0,0.09897144456957267,0.15909378622903972,0.0,0.0394228010087923,0.028955902649504886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05169559272499437,0.0,0.0857769097287154,0.0,0.24583765423714196,0.058578995247285326,0.1182483146677958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04603334190110888,0.04480850282660832,0.05544123715769999,0.0,0.04786841350153107,0.053851840477187884,0.0,0.050429976241483085,0.0,0.03527552525898723,0.0,0.0,0.03197803942572529 bpd,failedutopia,2020/03/06,"Coping with wrathful jealousy Does anyone have any tips for dealing with this? I love my SO and think he's a good person. But, I had a really abusive narc ex and he literally cheated every step of the way for 5 years (I'm an idiot for staying - I know, I know...) and as a result my nerves are essential trashed on top of having mental health issues. ANYWAY, my SO mentioned he was going to see 'a friend.' Now, my alarms were already firing because he usually would speak of friends by name, even ones I haven't ever met. I eventually was arguing with him and it turns out it's a girl I've never heard anything about. (We've been dating almost 2 years and I've known him for 9.) He swears it's just a friend, that 'has mutual friends with he and his mom'- but she is clearly not his mother's age or even close ( I admit, I FB stalked). I am OFF THE HANDLE with wrath and jealousy. Like, scarily so. I don't know if it's just me, but my mind gets all crazy with it spiraling into possible situations and looking for evidence, even wanting to be violent (although I never have). I'm hurt because it seems like he was hiding it, and didn't even invite me. But he says ""I told you about it so logically it must not be shady"" and claims just friends, only ever been friends and nothing more, etc. For a little while I can drop it but it's not reconciled in my heart and it just surges back. I just don't know how to get out of this cycle. I'm hurting my relationship with the arguing. But I also hurt so much inside, and don't really think he 'gets it.' Of course, the old ""controlling and paranoid"" line I became soooo very used to with my ex, despite at times having LITERAL photo evidence from eye witnesses. He says he didn't invite me because he and I are together all the time and he shouldn't have to ask permission to see friends/have his own life. Now of course, it's ""Fine I won't go, you win, you controlling harpy"" AKA resentful, callous attitude towards me. How are some people able to just NOT be jealous and trust their partner? I have NO idea where to begin. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or if I should trust my gut. Like where even is the line between being toxic and common sense?",2.312905405405406,4.245261912162164,3.914225225225227,86.76985135135133,77.40090090090091,6.962522522522522,24.163063063063067,7.908726449838941,1.3104019819819817,1715,58,351,28,40,571,224,444,0.128,0.746,0.126,0.4849,0,0,0,0,0,0,64.0,0,3,1,4,29,26,7,1,14,0,38,6,3,6,8,86,68,40,0,8,21,4,1,3,7,5,2,4,0,3,17,30,0,2,13,0,0,3,16,11,0,1,12,9,44,15,42,46,7,37,0,3,4,1,51,13,0,8,21,228,61,0,0.09037221220004753,0.1070762936835578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904947162793418,0.0,0.09972798341016824,0.07227062544579704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06145620329123685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319035202886839,0.0,0.07436863042912288,0.0,0.08448581905513934,0.0,0.0,0.06949065283808936,0.0,0.16527018525780485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20272024097506333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316978254772768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908533190385265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078890541848327,0.2984499691874949,0.16349367968346834,0.07614248650009156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189280818067497,0.0,0.14164725269705938,0.0,0.10272122164346886,0.0757999239128335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606143557348827,0.0,0.10709150658229306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902359668481043,0.10201922743037788,0.0,0.09432511009900038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483310219380893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383256610072548,0.132453894012546,0.0905766982564584,0.0,0.0,0.07588989742478912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156444987727933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107393412649167,0.0,0.09125017210026136,0.1058428426865276,0.0,0.0,0.06643397432704286,0.0,0.1394012426376745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671457495798708,0.0,0.09483043446155838,0.0,0.061238549837987065,0.06873213970598342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265271301680851,0.07890952987435856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018810905811541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578950649619665,0.0,0.0,0.09702593504657488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437352208329503,0.0,0.0,0.14402990518736208,0.08227146784400527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158215296011358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632475379980338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581372901559465,0.0,0.0,0.10539352737585354,0.0,0.0,0.0863545215732171,0.0,0.0,0.09829901583964212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805257526537569,0.09953222404838223,0.07456653960875248,0.053303872218868016,0.07173325556416951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419782664147503,0.0,0.0,0.1163934833749322 bpd,deludedevil,2020/03/06,"New FP I don't know what to do. My FP is a coach and I don't know her in real life. We communicate only trought Facebook but I feel like I am too attached to her. I hate it . I hate this obsession with people. I am so fucking tired of this constant pain when I have no contact with FP. But connection with this person makes it only worse, because I am afraid to lose it.",-0.04933895921237763,2.0406139113924056,2.3219409282700454,94.04960618846698,87.10126582278481,5.030098452883263,21.436005625879048,6.42735559955562,0.278720393811533,285,10,65,3,9,97,51,79,0.353,0.613,0.034,-0.9863,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,1,3,8,3,2,1,0,8,4,0,1,0,12,15,5,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,7,0,0,0,1,13,1,8,15,0,4,0,1,0,1,5,1,1,0,4,44,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638086613354758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241767569070687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312223370449588,0.15982939878418204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20683043448023666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4417648308576477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459071475493217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802379549761078,0.10930088061566484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502913836114715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933837478281725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21607528853849686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403063436889809,0.2380594926516276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510295314645234,0.19534830218170607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546483707218957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571393206455425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279951937472448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,grossguts444,2020/03/06,"DAE have trouble differentiating their fp’s emotions from their own? whenever my fp who’s also my partner feels shitty i feel it too, without fail. it feels near impossible to feel alright while he’s not feeling his best, and if i do feel okay i end up feeling guilty over it on top of everything just feeling bleak. does anyone else do this? is it because of extreme empathy towards our fps??",2.455866666666669,5.2656985866666695,3.8653333333333366,82.19266666666668,83.13333333333333,6.0,29.666666666666664,7.3871296695380915,2.1336666666666666,314,16,56,5,9,103,58,75,0.209,0.69,0.102,-0.8397,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,2,3,3,5,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,13,12,4,0,1,4,0,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,8,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,8,9,3,10,12,2,8,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,1,2,38,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910222924729878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13911220240171882,0.2038503305546334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127958738621933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20878835713479796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410465910665826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661992710142721,0.22379476576644727,0.1762128482349656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788056637204136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8047708284506322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19178309454474032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway17273sh,2020/03/06,What do you all do in your free time? I have been signed off from work for minimum 4 months and only see friends/family at the weekend. I don’t know how I’m going to cope with all of this spare time during the day; I’ve been so dependent on work to distract me. I’ve started exercising and going hiking. I also want to start volunteering. Does anyone else have any ideas? I mainly want to get out of my flat as my living situation isn’t great and want to learn to enjoy my own company a bit more.,3.661071428571432,4.257185711538465,5.408131868131868,82.75115384615384,71.69230769230771,8.635164835164835,24.472527472527474,8.841846274778883,1.5174796703296702,390,10,84,7,7,134,75,104,0.022000000000000002,0.833,0.146,0.8924,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,2,3,4,0,1,3,0,8,1,0,2,2,16,19,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,2,1,2,2,1,0,0,2,1,10,4,17,17,6,14,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,7,51,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508300859782998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038033950496626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14434154074265376,0.21151322662685054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253694769141059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331310887432568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18064939172883845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244683380995415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946050253887362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785181619137603,0.0,0.23463929101411354,0.0,0.0,0.2275911991993994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23303577207401194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344922498411178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822825896082176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647714668116897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700027971309027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449899201593735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320373917765196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922262247151177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24074346221055845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652755268766018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005688400265821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SexOffenderDead,2020/03/06,"I am very certain that I have massive, untreated Borderline Personality Disorder. I had never heard of it before. Check out my criminal history here. https://www.reddit.com/r/SexOffenderSupport/comments/f9cfry/i_am_a_dead_man_walking_i_need_to_go_to_prison/ I am... one of the most frightening people you'll ever have met who isn't in prison. I do thinks like blow through seventy thousand dollars, wreck cars I'm driving illegally, and take control of the life of a drug addict in an ""effort to get her clean"" (really make her stop blowing my money on dope and weed, since it's so hard for me to come by). My mother has basically isolated me from society. I do not want to be this way. But I am far too poor to afford treatment.",7.0091430700447095,10.11142192622951,6.919061102831595,65.21051415797321,67.44262295081967,9.026527570789868,29.12369597615499,9.573946990214177,3.099645901639345,593,22,91,14,11,188,97,122,0.17800000000000002,0.743,0.079,-0.8976,1,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,4,0,12,3,0,2,3,15,21,4,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,1,3,1,1,1,5,4,0,2,1,0,4,3,3,0,0,2,3,2,15,2,16,16,1,12,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,4,63,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694146720128072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21029449717528512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21288574423634096,0.0,0.0,0.2771839904250122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28323921783527817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28659924990761004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235486221107396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911833748967924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213852752247196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455943526669265,0.12073814538083988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649651704899621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906064856605467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16746572054462244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713329554209471,0.2157895853707766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832162247630058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20443341764917947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20661672625587715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18581548338396836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835474247730585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039130468819953,0.1457671906432694,0.1961650196134047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Evil_Simmer,2020/03/06,"I think my borderline and bipolar are evolving into schizoaffective disorder. I need to go to a hospital, but I'm in western washington, and I'm scared of the virus. I've been melting down. Last night I had a panic attack so bad that I locked myself in the shower and kept saying it was the only safe place from the virus. I've been thinking that the government is listening to me from my phone, and I keep seeing this tall, angry man standing in doorways and following me. I know it's not real, but it scares the hell out of me. I've been trying to find messages on car plates, and last night, I could hear whispered voices from the rain telling me I was going to die, or to kill myself. My doctor increased my medication, and I'm calmer now, but exhausted. The second the meds wear off, I go right back to defcon 9. I feel like I can feel the earth falling away from me when I walk, and I'm blacking out memories for hours. I haven't been able to go to work in a week, and I keep forgetting to eat, and I can't sleep. I really feel like I need to go to a crisis center or a ward, because these are all signs that I'm heading for a bigger breakdown. But the virus is everywhere in this state, and I've probably been exposed. If there's an outbreak at a crisis center, who knows what will happen. I've been researching mental health stuff, and my symptoms line up really close to Schizoaffective disorder. I am completly broken down. I'm so scared to leave the house. What do I do?",5.1799702712746205,5.268814133779267,6.042848383500558,81.32455499814196,68.19732441471572,9.453808992939429,28.985693050910438,9.2995712137729,2.2853878112225936,1162,37,236,21,18,384,160,299,0.23399999999999999,0.716,0.05,-0.9965,1,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,0,0,0,1,6,12,3,4,20,0,21,10,3,0,1,43,49,22,2,4,8,0,3,2,0,1,6,5,1,1,13,16,1,4,8,0,0,10,3,9,0,1,10,10,31,3,37,37,2,43,1,0,2,0,8,22,1,3,11,150,44,4,0.11201513360220187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743338550223887,0.10524190533198496,0.0861327234585358,0.09352795768258224,0.06828338575702117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744573640480802,0.0,0.0,0.08943496942698087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625402377023435,0.0,0.2567580952883693,0.11465223572947375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461944628381307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991465168235764,0.16004726765419006,0.0,0.0,0.10237980278716438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31830390907949085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905461270876742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495984344268576,0.11906684895534668,0.12624919658161876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031234286778033,0.12925042473721846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19912839506026966,0.12392814890806543,0.0,0.12312117595789812,0.18261456869304016,0.0,0.11860785277625314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944987235017524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442356142778875,0.11284346251447636,0.11288490843042275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611560445485704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102372295448288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519255669971182,0.0,0.13142562427338034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703197340842646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077125963293668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749774527295585,0.14351952579398808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956603120559886,0.0,0.08907893019872568,0.3364400698015687,0.0,0.08926155883271797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120960295920532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823052858860684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642661364132074,0.0,0.0,0.0979061640351932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354954927886798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605092284941407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985178352698514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154835135620532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,vanillacraic,2020/03/06,"I feel loved for the first time in my life! I have been in a few long-term relationships before. But no matter what they did or how much I worked on myself, there was always this part of me that doubted their love for me. It was the same with my current boyfriend for a good while. But for the past few months the fears and doubts have gotten less and less. I can proudly and immensely happily say, that for the first time in my life, I can fully believe a person that they love me and it feels freaking amazing!",5.49032362459547,5.367123873786408,5.196262135922332,88.38364886731395,67.54368932038835,8.031715210355989,26.875404530744337,7.1686216300943375,1.056043365695793,401,10,87,3,6,123,66,103,0.1,0.6709999999999999,0.22899999999999998,0.9552,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,4,2,10,0,3,8,0,8,5,0,1,0,15,14,9,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,7,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,5,3,15,6,11,9,7,12,0,0,0,3,9,4,0,3,8,69,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200089509874915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165670142116508,0.2193533185044892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190847300529735,0.19688613950552114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312130099814589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329997961514944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750360740472013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229794686391425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5271564527266831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540278825879794,0.0,0.1431223950281921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108344866843488,0.18585732744596986,0.0,0.16999917618310562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090283525016036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482837858116774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270551206863635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417394549786507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,filuruknow221,2020/03/06,"I'm sick of this. I am in constant need of love and care. I really need a girlfriend. but the paradox is that, if you need love you won't get it (at least that's my experience). I just tried asking another girl out and she said no. I know she's entitled to say no, and I think she should, if she doesn't like me that way. I'm just so tired of being disappointed. Disappointed in myself, other people and just generally everything. I'm so done... I can't do this anymore...",-0.21454474097330944,2.053800826530612,2.6418367346938787,89.54876766091054,91.75510204081631,6.280690737833595,18.762951334379906,7.61054688173877,0.7180838304552588,363,11,81,8,13,127,63,98,0.23199999999999998,0.648,0.12,-0.9057,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,9,4,0,0,0,18,23,9,0,6,6,0,0,1,1,2,2,2,0,1,7,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,2,15,4,8,18,1,6,0,2,0,2,13,4,0,2,2,56,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22231382703364244,0.0,0.0,0.2102596528690317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982032774951369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21616110220980195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291104359394257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169626260826749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19054336583442816,0.20738912630110828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076789788203399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651664859808668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035787078584408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826995222053461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4716142457300106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698292805552526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582078000636105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016726511213625,0.16860102783631015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584919295653167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436774381143038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143942722838117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828583207479458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mama_Dukes524,2020/03/06,"I’m “recovered” BPD, I have kids, a degree and a career. And I’m fine until a dude comes along and then suddenly I’m not recovered anymore. But seriously, I’m over here being successful in all areas of life - alone... but when other people come around especially a guy, I’m back to BPD behavior and all of my recovery goes out the window. Are we just better off alone?",2.2371624266144816,4.398188136986303,4.803170254403135,79.20068493150687,78.58904109589041,8.554990215264189,22.757338551859107,9.23628265651192,2.1245475538160465,286,9,55,8,7,101,52,73,0.055,0.835,0.11,0.5859,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,5,0,3,1,0,0,2,16,10,9,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,10,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,10,9,2,13,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,5,36,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4788384240110469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292554674512908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20578756832906395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775309178947002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044483544600477,0.0,0.0,0.5822932847245286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3982596639615613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288915940283067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632800314554022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16026203515002535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Idogebot,2020/03/06,"Am I the only one who has this weird ¿Desire? To get infected with HIV? I constantly want to have sex with someone. Not out of high libido, more because it makes me feel desired and exciting. Like I just want to be a whore, to fuck anyone, and I don't care if I get sick, I dot care if I get HIV. I'm sorry if this is a triggering post...",0.2370254403131113,1.9012651095890438,2.863444227005872,93.10753424657534,82.83561643835617,6.36320939334638,20.01761252446184,7.447530270364453,0.4401639921722112,255,7,61,4,7,89,52,73,0.28,0.594,0.126,-0.9286,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,3,0,6,7,0,2,0,16,17,5,0,6,5,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,8,4,8,16,1,4,0,0,0,5,1,2,1,3,2,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702318755883433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484100695330621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4964444252522238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26309219726970146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230999556299916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22507350211947874,0.3815911246631529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572273199435373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894154768243942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251046949481546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497381107274486,0.18516119438619832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23316598826898546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062816354058435,0.0,0.0,0.27253190925301435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871963156588791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SnipperSnaps14,2020/03/06,"What's your BPD Spirit Animal? Today I was trying to figure out what animal I associate my BPD self with. Obviously we're all different here, but does anyone have a good one?",2.0755882352941164,4.756553911764708,5.0779411764705875,73.79573529411766,83.41176470588233,9.282352941176473,17.323529411764707,9.516144504307137,2.2279647058823526,139,3,24,5,4,50,30,34,0.0,0.8290000000000001,0.171,0.6767,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,1,3,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19935755104706224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7181793691385129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978822706587564,0.0,0.0,0.24950419780686434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391391520324587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19319986253276772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29743490889920704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270253667641958,0.0,0.0,0.1935729264772548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ajgallowayocamb,2020/03/06,"Advice for someone newly involved with someone who has BPD? Recently I’ve started to become involved with this girl who has BPD, and I’m really wanting some advice when it comes to dating someone with BPD because I really like this girl. I have a few questions and also any other advice would be appreciated. Also, I apologize if I come off ignorant in any of these questions because I’m not that familiar with any of this What do I do if she can’t get her meds for an extended period of time? What do I do when she’s going through a state where she just wants to be away from everyone and every thing? How do I help her through mental breakdowns, and what can I say to her in these situations as well? What do I not do in any of these situations I’ve described? If anyone could answer these questions and give me any other additional advice, it would be phenomenal. Thank you!",6.311220930232557,6.3744462848837244,7.308697674418608,73.29793023255816,65.80232558139535,10.135813953488373,32.89767441860465,9.888512548439397,3.1783399999999986,699,27,128,14,10,236,92,172,0.013000000000000001,0.8909999999999999,0.09699999999999999,0.9177,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,0,3,0,18,0,0,1,0,30,29,14,0,8,6,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,2,19,12,0,1,4,0,0,3,3,1,1,0,0,1,17,3,23,23,2,17,0,0,0,0,20,6,0,7,8,100,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4123844527653634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168741098934834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587276025272366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377000944475963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991233516888494,0.0,0.0,0.12862705287494475,0.11651955149017855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3986312424544628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817626372932209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423539938608328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889065763857602,0.10081244474067233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055120857503228635,0.10120789738942247,0.059959671433338975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071630161592006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05154333796524715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171898247079488,0.0,0.1063220058912374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35456183772938604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351755879430167,0.0,0.10417128510215637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390005956563779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23717913075917374,0.0,0.0,0.2681765352036964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467542346549966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713280167800416,0.0,0.0,0.07009137104453209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151952996227422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445656752257765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948596858055795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149892321394604,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tthatonegirll,2020/03/06,"i fucked up sorry for this post looking like shit i'm on mobile i can't hold a job due to my BPD, i don't know how to balance work and mental health, my boyfriend of almost a year has been amazing and supportive of me and my cat, he supports us financially. his family just today has been hanging up on me and making me feel like shit for not working, this led to my boyfriend and i having a huge blowout fight, and then after it i broke down and was swallowed by emotion and threw every coping skill i've ever learned out the window and leaned on my old terrible coping skill of self harm. i'm so pissed at myself that i broke 2 years of being clean from self harming just because of this. i feel like a worthless piece of shit rn and i really just needed to vent it somewhere safe",5.623077984817115,5.151632329192548,6.0450517598343705,83.58461007591444,67.32298136645964,8.397791580400277,29.69013112491373,7.3871296695380915,1.6478234644582472,619,19,128,5,9,200,102,161,0.226,0.6459999999999999,0.128,-0.9657,2,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,1,0,0,4,6,19,6,0,5,0,9,7,4,3,1,27,21,13,0,1,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,6,11,1,2,4,0,0,3,3,12,0,0,4,3,19,7,23,16,1,21,0,3,1,1,6,9,5,1,11,81,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466321823737461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926461470914034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442809903200835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16471818523299292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245765079973976,0.1233766945288569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804464515187967,0.0,0.1480825410916678,0.2092245064302912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537558139514486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556521587030058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531283643011966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047612323681512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21462030427288226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296741441971733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774562124589888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757071205248715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857872134228544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365751871773198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024299140612015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380916771486812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30552453713528804,0.0,0.4509362174122396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639205207029242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332342418910084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880201053233415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614169212771505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132109321550089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188596983150548 bpd,napoleonwithamg,2020/03/06,I broke up with my only friend 2 friends ago i told my only friend to fuck off. I dont really know why i did that. I think its because i didnt feel like she is returning enough attention to me compared to how much affection i was showing her. But now im completely alone and i feel very lonely. But i dont wanna go back and say sorry. Should i? Or should i isolate myself? I dont fucking know what to do. I think i'll go back to napping all day 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bpd,babiebl00,2020/03/06,im nervous to try a different coping mechanism so for a bit now ive been abusing pain medication and using my migraines as an excuse or taking more than i need when i have a migraine because i just need to stop thinking. its made me numb to my anxiety and a lot of my emotions and made me forget how to deal with things or process things. im in the process of getting my anti-anxiety meds switched (theyre taken as needed) and a big part of me thinks that this is the new start i need. i need a good coping mechanism and i need to stop relying on painkillers to brush everything under the rug. but im also nervous that i'll begin to abuse them because they have the potential of working too well to distract my mind from all my problems. my therapist has confidence in me and shes supportive of me finding new and healthy solutions. ive been doing a lot better at not turning to painkillers to fix everything or cure boredom. i think i just have it in the back of my head that it wont work like its supposed to because thats how so many things in my life have turned out. if anyone has any thoughts or words of advice id love to hear them!,6.500177304964538,5.332037680851066,7.010904255319152,79.67791666666669,65.80851063829788,10.21631205673759,36.1790780141844,9.2995712137729,3.102482269503545,905,39,187,14,12,298,131,235,0.138,0.748,0.114,-0.2161,1,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,3,3,12,12,0,3,13,0,14,8,1,5,1,43,37,21,0,8,9,0,0,1,0,1,6,1,1,0,12,9,0,2,5,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,6,2,28,6,33,30,6,18,0,0,0,1,8,9,0,7,10,128,40,2,0.0,0.236462272460304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751058482462792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979953235748201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785850064055664,0.0,0.15267338104848138,0.0,0.0,0.06977330707052315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672995169876662,0.0,0.1824874686617816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825338678885969,0.10894142903106983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028758922632147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425605166383477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224680971915373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17936402796192052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120340106939788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05213452655775043,0.0,0.0,0.08369650108415662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024101280032252,0.0,0.11246706671685652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233608636623942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704824248108425,0.04875082942726145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967047493354093,0.0900615556742867,0.18884151832412802,0.0,0.10116823475015076,0.0,0.0,0.11084072899585808,0.10052478408424567,0.0,0.0,0.10075630335594504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4439442453843411,0.0,0.1927495821744892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618027644817164,0.0,0.0,0.10805946752069996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548256821403336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062966768333229,0.0,0.0,0.16685260067143448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323696956786113,0.0,0.0,0.0750273155747306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586025944055835,0.19888190844869888,0.191818211597297,0.0,0.07921963688738907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774874173915232,0.2170789431201842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618382596045976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972038957487502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529207505409708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Gatabert,2020/03/06,"Had a breakdown in a club when a guy got overly pushy What a ride tonight has been. Had a great night at first going out with my friends, drinking and dancing. It was awesome! At some point a guy came up to my friend and I off his face on drugs, jumping up and down and yelling in our faces to the music. He then came behind us and in between us, grabbed us around the necks with his arms in like a headlock hold thing, kept jumping up and down and singing. We pushed him away and told him where to stick it but he kept coming back. He did a round of the small dance floor then made eye contact with us and charged straight for me, I was legitimately scared. When he got to me he tried to grab me so I tried to push him back but I wasn’t strong enough. Luckily some other guys stepped in and kind of made a semi circle around my friend and I blocking him out which we were very grateful for. I felt so tiny and weak. All I could see was my past and I got scared. I could feel myself tearing up so I ran to the bathroom and sobbed until some lovely girls knocked on my stall and asked if I was okay and my friend found me. Came straight home after that and now feel like poop. I wish I was more like my friend and able to just shrug it off and semi-justify the guys behaviour because he was high instead of breaking down and feeling empty for the rest of the night.",2.7668568665377187,4.0967887482269525,2.9246937459703415,96.92454545454548,74.63829787234042,5.694648613797551,23.811089619600267,5.565023196281405,0.10429929078014144,1065,31,247,4,22,323,149,282,0.086,0.721,0.193,0.9875,0,0,2,0,1,0,20.0,7,0,0,2,15,17,0,2,16,1,15,10,6,2,1,55,38,31,0,4,4,0,7,3,5,0,2,1,1,5,8,33,1,4,5,5,0,14,1,4,0,1,26,10,38,13,46,10,7,60,0,1,3,1,33,31,1,4,17,167,46,0,0.09177050427555404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16339041056400522,0.08579303339018264,0.0,0.0862214096671535,0.14113170626547009,0.0,0.05594244762335256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148830268498213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790521635176103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654256046026728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990015679417658,0.10642464975281926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482346271875496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920577307054666,0.06556086659106958,0.08811407564139699,0.0,0.0,0.07805994405580242,0.0,0.10062162117665578,0.35450831978357233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05215529243189829,0.0,0.2201917669928133,0.10117730494213867,0.0,0.3634689094837097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969605763174376,0.09205329829793632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556485817731256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450329864544072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282646306839149,0.17367094012698708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224080311631296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760533038002043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675278938878687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18375656854748207,0.0,0.07312921034037441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060968245262058615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769064957385403,0.0,0.12461229685798088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4415544689573124,0.0,0.0,0.0757202770120381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553155090439784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,roadtonowhere5,2020/03/06,"Does this sound like BPD? Need advice. Hello everyone, just to preface my doctor has diagnosed me with depression, anxiety, and ocd. Recently I have been filled with self hatred. I am 5’7” and weigh 140 pounds. I am convinced I am fat even though this is a very average body weight. When I look in the mirror I think how ugly I am. People tell me I am attractive but I do not believe them. I feel like my life is a failure. I graduate college with a degree in fine arts and history with honors...this is not good enough. I feel as if I am very ignorant and perceived as such. I’m have traveled abroad three different times...yet when others tell me about their travels I feel inadequate. My dreams and goals feel absolutely impossible. When ever I go out into public I think everyone hates me and is talking about me. I also constantly google mental illness and symptoms because I am convinced something is majorly wrong with me...even though three doctors have told me I am “normal”. I take multiple mental health quizzes everyday to see if I have lost my mind. I am constantly asking my coworkers at work what they think about me. I am an artist and believe every work I produce is garbage. Even with people validating me I usually don’t believe them. Any advice?",3.4942491779320437,5.9957668319327775,4.658257215929852,80.09582206795763,76.05882352941177,8.004676653270003,28.415052977712822,8.841846274778883,2.6502825721592984,998,43,176,23,23,327,136,238,0.155,0.758,0.087,-0.9568,1,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,4,5,15,12,1,0,5,0,24,11,2,2,1,37,41,20,0,4,6,0,5,2,0,0,8,1,0,1,4,16,3,1,8,5,0,4,3,5,0,2,3,8,42,7,18,38,2,18,0,2,2,0,12,5,0,2,11,121,46,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070461845437406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471997544013532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204265912133934,0.0,0.0810436146094597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903936033816876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457988497935953,0.0,0.0,0.3580734419729478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767517378709733,0.13342739966175485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22896645614547376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124574674424504,0.10752661070221173,0.0,0.11068448492752872,0.0,0.2168676351926353,0.09270858436937736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946407559696253,0.0,0.20991660639746815,0.09582856410858913,0.08925880392548538,0.20245993172743607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21426527190671804,0.07568337467292025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060207998209052996,0.08885723144980534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459356496818502,0.0,0.11260899448883015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482837458477781,0.1035136159260104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889627038139384,0.0,0.11564574567721245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135246904212753,0.0,0.10696894196716612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855297822478274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379845651957334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468905596236417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460271707523124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844202603398665,0.0,0.11051825816343668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155759110075551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011195818918088,0.07965350353628342,0.08515035374155733,0.1851920124365816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20364573194105945,0.20817052226608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122996586371806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166776615653515,0.17482276831953922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900606852622915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425079153456087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158284799636262,0.0,0.0 bpd,hcharron8315,2020/03/06,"Help please I want to kill myself and I really don’t have any reasons not to and I’m too embarrassed to reach out to anybody I know because nobody takes it seriously, due to all the attempts before. When I say I want to kill myself, I mean I want to kill. My. Self. Plan and all. I need help.",-0.4622580645161278,1.7196514032258108,2.087338709677418,93.90100806451612,91.41935483870968,5.035483870967743,17.427419354838708,6.6274283507984215,-0.0775870967741934,225,6,51,3,8,77,39,62,0.258,0.563,0.179,-0.8909999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,3,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,14,10,4,3,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,11,0,8,10,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373896540534198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315769801306158,0.0,0.1719155604963631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708374863406525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6705601385751967,0.0,0.11103228435093143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200736231989816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980522144513644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217720263603512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942778262057922,0.20772400503211064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066508511718294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21076491957476232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190398894856033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574936379889689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,toefungusbestfungus,2020/03/06,"Life changing impulsive decisions DAE feel that sometimes an impulsive decision is actually the right thing to do? Other people might say you are having a 'breakdown' or mood swings but actually you just know what you want all of a sudden.",5.5757142857142865,8.540671571428575,6.205000000000003,69.27750000000003,71.38095238095238,9.914285714285716,31.92857142857143,10.125756701596842,4.166314285714286,194,9,29,6,4,63,37,42,0.0,0.9640000000000001,0.036000000000000004,0.1154,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,0,1,10,8,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,7,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,1,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.5960982575656097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32309740339019044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443122116635344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785268397713365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21572954239736025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32400590547034364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21174209239436526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26082986949667475,0.0,0.24288490429592394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020714997954788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029097003775394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801466032814412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,1ofthoseweaks,2020/03/06,"How to deal with reckless and inappropriate sexual urges (that ultimately become behaviors)? I feel like putting myself in risky sexual situations gives me so much gratification. For a number of reasons: I feel in control, being attractive to people you don’t even know is an ego boost even though it’s a momentary feeling followed by worthlessness and guilt. I feel like an animal on the prowl for my prey all the time and it’s tiring.",6.199282700421939,8.225319075949367,7.170316455696206,67.10627637130803,67.10126582278481,10.836286919831224,30.888185654008442,10.864195022040775,3.9598843881856536,353,14,57,11,6,118,62,79,0.079,0.727,0.19399999999999998,0.8261,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,5,5,0,1,6,0,3,1,0,3,1,13,10,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,6,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,4,7,3,10,9,2,6,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434919309184485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472759914460419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272950174238939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912368756978995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4459052770878788,0.3150078018164933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21149503275957826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116461456673865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21542113279071576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207090903607566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284622446676546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216333692576765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266800071087957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24781765713790205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21661077781423346,0.0,0.1285579024990679,0.2533979755079804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GreasedTea,2020/03/06,"COVID19 panic messing with my head My anxiety and emotional reactivity have gone into overdrive with the whole coronavirus thing and I don’t know how to deal with it. Partly I’m concerned about getting it and having to be quarantined because that sounds awful, but it’s actually more the panic-stricken headlines and other people’s reactions that are freaking me out. People in the UK have started bulk-buying hand sanitiser and toilet roll to the point that when I went to our local massive Tesco yesterday there were whole sections of shelves completely empty. I’ve been trying to stay rational and not scare myself about it (I have a tendency to freak out over potential pandemics and imagine the worst case scenario) but it’s really hard to ignore and avoid other people’s Doomsday-prepper levels of panic. I’m also on weekly prescriptions due to overdose risk and I’m scared that if things get worse here I won’t be able to get my medication. I’m really struggling and wondered if anyone else is having the same issue or can help reassure me.",8.25707960433349,8.621850025906737,8.188478568064063,67.60563824776261,61.69430051813471,10.748751766368349,36.71643900141309,10.436869588844218,4.130206217616582,857,37,131,18,11,277,127,193,0.223,0.705,0.071,-0.9865,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,0,7,13,0,7,7,1,14,3,2,1,0,29,26,18,0,2,6,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,13,16,0,2,3,0,0,2,3,12,0,0,4,3,11,1,22,19,7,18,0,0,0,0,4,10,0,4,5,95,24,0,0.13549097390385792,0.0,0.1322196457222085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083520828793746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036502241813474,0.0,0.0,0.09473843927563498,0.1388265143470235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259404011003885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420597083145417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968524470617807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318532287463715,0.1524091090553215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21236532504313696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137329947839495,0.0,0.13905282837227587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081674378060206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141737509547725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446229586247605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364929018347334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4769083941450421,0.0,0.14672352123885826,0.0,0.2817971442009861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808276489218454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17359797465496274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27130020293853363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590120869736617,0.14441535053379867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164458416868916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800283651697461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198947741960936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868268657611573,0.0,0.0,0.1256014902348573,0.0,0.3025416674040571,0.0,0.0,0.14693418154074264,0.0,0.0,0.13807687772576674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PurveyorOfBadAdvice,2020/03/06,"I'm so tired of feeling alone It feels like my friends are all friends with each other but trying to distance themselves from me. I have to reach out to everyone first or I'm left alone. I'm so tired of feeling like I don't matter. It sucks and I can hardly breathe over the emotions related to it. It feels like they regret adding me to the friend circle, but like they only did so in the long run because I'm dating someone in the circle. And I'm left out sometimes because of him but I can't help but feel I'm left out because of who I am as well. It feels like my only true friends are the ones who live far away. My heart is constantly breaking because I feel so goddamn alone. Even when I reach out, I'm left with barely anything to cling on to. Maybe it's better this way. Maybe I'm better off without them.",1.953157894736844,3.679050631578949,3.0021988304093585,93.84294736842106,77.77192982456141,5.261754385964913,24.265497076023394,5.6839178017228535,0.36201567251462,642,22,140,3,15,205,89,171,0.129,0.624,0.247,0.9673,0,3,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,3,3,7,15,1,0,5,0,9,4,2,0,2,26,25,13,0,1,6,0,8,5,4,0,2,0,0,0,10,9,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,2,1,2,1,8,16,13,26,24,2,23,0,1,0,0,11,15,1,1,10,84,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30958062667651925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199249057269799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361193216809137,0.0,0.0,0.24295035919503424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762410770813288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076718446888224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207784405585994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580908144691322,0.0,0.0,0.09520710889989906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526550619494127,0.284721830454717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475090138523395,0.0,0.0,0.3079161791737328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925488650778099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806993477220408,0.06678436026687024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43302213795068334,0.0,0.0,0.24338722284460984,0.0,0.08798100585089502,0.08817531838111857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20019685603611334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751638683278183,0.15155635607018866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442182793739632,0.0,0.0985432152430735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290353921525449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764675923190856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908695167110223,0.0,0.0,0.08958533304032029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604619522409877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hhnmmjyeah,2020/03/06,"can my brain not pick one and stick with it? I posted here a couple hours ago and now I feel completely different. I feel so bad for lying about how I felt, and I sent a long text explaining everything and how if he'd asked me what was wrong after I said I wasn't okay, I would've exploded and said a bunch of things I didn't mean. My heart hurts in a different way and I want to cry. I feel like he's gonna leave me because I can't just be honest straight away and I don't have my shit together. He deserves better than me, and I know he can find better. I want to wake up him and tell him over and over how sorry I am and how I love him so much. I just wanna say it over and over over until he isn't angry and he loves.me. He knows about my bpd but I can't help but feel like this is getting old. if he leaves me because I've done this again I don't know what I'll do. I'll be nothing and a shell without him. I need to get better at the REST strategy, I need to just get myself TOGETHER and stop being this way. maybe if I will it, it'll go away..I need to make up for this but I don't know how, o can't even buy him breakfast as an apology because I'm broke. I'm so stupid and volatile. this is why I hate it when I feel again. I can be fine for months, and functional but as soon as I feel again, everything and nothing is wrong with me. I can't just be stable. I'm so fucking stupid I hate this I hate being this way, I try so hard to be better but I iust CANT. I'm either so happy it hurts, so sad it hurts, so mad it hurts or absolutely nothing. I'd rather be absolutely nothing. it'd be better for everyone if I just felt nothing 100% of the time, I can't hurt anyone that way. fuck",0.5455266955266964,1.900109925925932,2.7375901875901896,95.83720779220779,80.6931216931217,6.169119769119768,19.655603655603656,6.980632752743323,0.025623280423280548,1304,31,329,15,33,444,161,378,0.221,0.669,0.111,-0.9939,2,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,0,5,29,31,9,0,8,1,36,8,4,7,0,68,75,46,0,11,19,0,9,2,0,3,0,3,0,0,20,20,1,1,15,0,1,2,14,19,0,1,9,12,51,12,34,52,4,33,0,7,0,3,23,11,3,5,17,207,71,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540636058428118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051592511007497115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897944717238416,0.0,0.13864774185603013,0.0,0.06160777920254607,0.1349367993428645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32628622753619785,0.0,0.0,0.09293020709029738,0.08236897851551157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736265364912723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816422108818632,0.08104986590504515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541802078444682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550814594687426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04873460212235741,0.0,0.0,0.07050517146633364,0.13262723203905347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22384888120087085,0.10542469836745293,0.1416912302938743,0.0,0.06743857602790854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642694231573485,0.11564957638811925,0.0,0.04193397874981837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854599691208675,0.0660972814966543,0.21854360522905367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743612837656395,0.04945684021175102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266381765523583,0.0,0.3949443185973903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220224222825325,0.0,0.0,0.15625630210651575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209569990163696,0.0,0.0,0.06529781245742584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659426072181891,0.0,0.04925236920093543,0.0,0.07412741456463894,0.08037399965884584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05889485224741998,0.0,0.05424080483321085,0.16413295663022154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35399570657451984,0.0,0.07742543088806557,0.0,0.04999893900189256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066607693045536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037374315853096,0.058677161345779376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573971697476511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825967844120561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061687950580224374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449174648845926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049019782691683896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043024896575774366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05009548566170733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704115504651086,0.2342698629440944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657990335048597,0.0,0.0,0.07112655285104681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052415075582179886,0.16134564050954056,0.0,0.0 bpd,yeahnevermind,2020/03/06,"Do you ever accidentally tell people the wrong facts about your life? For example, you didn’t remember clearly on how long ago something happened so you say something else or forget a detail. Do you start to feel like you’re lying and then lay in bed at night obsessing over it?",5.101415094339623,6.81688475471698,5.6076886792452845,78.45794811320756,69.37735849056604,8.318867924528304,28.34433962264151,8.841846274778883,2.290588679245283,224,8,40,4,4,72,47,53,0.22,0.696,0.084,-0.8105,0,0,2,0,0,0,4.0,0,5,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,1,3,9,6,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,5,1,7,5,0,10,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,7,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24145017937717345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275401823443963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24638508353701666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772450680257708,0.19458973182589331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24086647408144196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19239143875846912,0.13307207065238072,0.0,0.0,0.2410494696531321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556120246010085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18883536000111176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085556711999111,0.0,0.0,0.21660907296662246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4193858915316131,0.0,0.0,0.1927933583598629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380738450952418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978069219472506,0.0,0.0 bpd,gnomequeeen,2020/03/06,"Why am I like this I get so upset with my mom for literally nothing. It’s like I’m looking for triggers when I’m with her, but I don’t wanna be like this. And then when I try to ignore it or brush it off, I can’t. And I end up addressing it and exploding. Why? Why can’t I just let it go? Why do I spiral so easily with her? I’m feeling defeated by it tonight. She doesn’t deserve that",-1.5872727272727256,0.278466636363639,2.0118181818181817,94.88772727272728,92.86363636363636,5.4727272727272736,19.363636363636363,6.980632752743323,0.28612272727272714,296,10,74,5,11,108,52,88,0.11,0.737,0.152,0.3882,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,0,0,8,0,0,1,0,13,15,10,0,1,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,9,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,3,12,3,10,13,0,8,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,1,8,50,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918384647107413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951670218741613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316170219348155,0.0,0.12309566268922932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22148258141466406,0.0,0.3174514398949413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18188485427764603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536728954924448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20782829289777915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14705346807315198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7817714959612232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kitfox247,2020/03/06,"I'm trying so hard not to send a snarky follow up text in reply to the lack of a response to my last text. It's been since yesterday. Writing it out, I see that my feeling of the world caving in is irrational. She could be busy. She could've forgot to respond. She's been active on Facebook, though. Liked one of my posts, even. She has a big problem with me being so insecure around her. I've slipped up enough that I feel like she's pulling away from me. The text I sent had to do with me maybe coming over if she wasnt super busy... part of the reason why I am having such a negative reaction... this feel like rejection.",1.6166279069767415,3.5077271937984515,3.0552131782945766,92.30514534883724,79.3875968992248,6.16046511627907,21.602713178294568,7.1686216300943375,0.5430201550387599,484,14,106,6,12,158,86,129,0.171,0.741,0.08800000000000001,-0.9048,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,8,0,12,0,0,1,0,16,21,4,0,4,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,4,0,0,5,3,3,0,1,6,5,17,4,21,12,3,19,0,1,1,0,11,11,0,1,5,75,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18356129373052896,0.0,0.0,0.19373124103354555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762263228790262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292670835677167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130592295175706,0.0,0.1361928412832601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127820257184325,0.2946179631475269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471427232600854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808013363169438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022160165355494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20715513755900436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972613435356726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232939911431644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19748214575214448,0.0,0.0,0.19730509718666486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21200745376955804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16431432436253798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17057037755495108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20258998598583156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999594191008674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18606299866573955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,reddit_usernaem,2020/03/06,"I can't sleep in my own room/bed for days at a time. Does anyone else go through these phases? Hiya. I (20F) have no idea if this is in relation to having bpd or if it's something else, but I'm at a loss here. I go through phases where I can't sleep in my own bed or room, sometimes I can't even be in the room. I don't sleep in bed with someone else, but I'll sleep on the floor or a couch else where during this period. Typically it lasts a few days, sometimes upwards a week. It feel eerie, gloom, and all around uncomfortable. Walking into the room everything seems to get heavier and I feel kinda trapped, it's got a bad vibe to it. Rn I can't even go in the room without becoming depressed and idk what to do because I can't keep crashing in my shared living room I have 3 theories thus far: 1. I suffer from chronic nightmares and night terrors, and also have issues going to sleep. Maybe I'm starting to associate this tension and anxiety with the room itself? 2. I've noticed it gets a lot worse if I'm away for a while. If I crash at a friend's place for a few nights or am out of town for a bit, when I come home I feel so uncomfortable in my own room. I'm just used to being with other people at that point, maybe I feel unsafe without their presence? 3. I live with my mother and I have the whole basement to myself. When I can stand to be in my own room, this is where I spent most my time. Although the common areas of my house are comfortable, I don't really go to them unless I have to eat or get something. Am I giving myself cabin fever? Anyone else have a similar experience? If so, how did you over come it?",2.26508800345535,3.5210480495626872,3.9166310333657286,89.60896231508478,75.79300291545191,6.714134542705972,23.49087571536551,7.242747475848597,0.7590301047403091,1263,37,281,14,27,423,168,343,0.158,0.8,0.042,-0.991,0,1,2,0,0,0,40.0,0,1,2,1,14,10,0,2,19,0,25,8,5,3,1,46,50,28,0,5,16,1,4,0,1,0,2,0,12,0,16,16,1,1,6,0,1,8,10,7,0,0,3,4,35,3,46,44,11,59,0,4,0,0,7,36,0,14,14,186,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072138493212903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900809652128362,0.0,0.0,0.12614964248162802,0.1848554323435179,0.0,0.08030334152931375,0.0,0.0,0.08475243172154223,0.0,0.07531906442156804,0.05498934070826665,0.09962652759054128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848266407823048,0.0,0.1136125396036756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541065999339154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163520852122156,0.0,0.07769514389044155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894074035743716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923042657246295,0.3767818037740049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916172549396575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107222142484638,0.08823974057012772,0.0,0.0,0.1824454478758157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969369274560085,0.0,0.14138827932209935,0.08653475964072749,0.2563335416235638,0.0,0.07214676636868397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048496085666204,0.0,0.0,0.10408674912304372,0.0,0.10183270589088173,0.0,0.09415265569808054,0.0,0.08018011291665905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353073243825059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15930884062474784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766907527076233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812500818976959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693062890311341,0.0,0.0,0.10270125016699196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253816519303204,0.0,0.09424709961537074,0.0,0.0852747581802466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778890439218577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212105109193428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4513606563985835,0.0,0.07643208555106408,0.1388914881411862,0.17843402925415994,0.0,0.0638489681866656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520083661084564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790987190575582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235860206452582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071287713474318,0.0,0.1739126287496713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192862418499136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kaythecatlady,2020/03/06,"""Are you at risk to harm yourself?"" Whenever I get this question (doctors visit, therapist, etc) it's always like well yes...but also no...well, if something triggers me then yes...but I'm fine right now so no...but maybe in an hour I'll want to self harm...so kind of? Am I alone in this? Or with a therapist, trying to communicate that you're almost always suicidal, but not necessarily in the way that you'll end up trying something? I always worry that I'll suddenly be involuntarily committed if I say the wrong thing.",1.6649669966996683,4.26149595049505,4.0489356435643575,81.02475660066007,84.54455445544555,6.931023102310232,23.26815181518152,8.07648339933343,1.6897914191419146,405,15,77,9,12,140,69,101,0.17,0.745,0.086,-0.8852,1,1,2,0,0,0,29.0,0,2,0,0,4,7,0,1,4,0,4,1,0,1,1,11,7,7,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,1,7,4,10,5,1,13,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,5,6,42,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703341446692613,0.17617598837334253,0.0,0.13603175606433238,0.4246193677349592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410820231893867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066126540088712,0.0,0.18971043506688692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887208971931304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675177425725703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771366822659924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310400751316335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089189023245085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905549180536896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526751143898795,0.0,0.1352731789547418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745511205638656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619080631262001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860656865207345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950066894919737,0.11300924728274506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309783036983357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033148735373353,0.13502028884368822,0.0,0.0,0.1529435297185917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274842295134518,0.0,0.0,0.18598154036114112,0.0,0.0 bpd,clammyimposter,2020/03/06,"Getting anxious about hobbies due to having a FP? I love to paint and write. It brings me so much joy and I am really proud of my writing and art, but often times I avoid painting and writing. When I am alone and have time to do these things, I often choose not to and choose instead to have something on in the background like a television show or music and I worry about my FP, text them, think about the next time I’ll see them, etc. I know this isn’t healthy behavior so when I try to stop and try to sit down at my desk and write or paint, it makes the whole activity stressful and not fun. Often I don’t feel inspired or I just feel like doing the bare minimum. These hobbies that I love become work or a chore in comparison to wanting to hangout with my FP and thinking about them all day. It feels like I’m wasting my entire day daydreaming and the actual amount of time I do spend with my FP is so minuscule in comparison to how much I think about them. I waste away entire days just excited to go to dinner with them for 30-45 minutes that evening. I really don’t know how to fix this though.",5.310360789652826,5.028029300884956,5.861681415929207,84.00111980939415,67.93805309734513,9.077739959155886,29.77399591558884,8.617729084823388,1.9748050374404358,866,28,186,12,13,281,117,226,0.11699999999999999,0.745,0.138,0.7297,0,2,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,5,2,20,12,0,2,8,0,12,3,0,3,1,49,29,25,0,1,9,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,10,15,1,2,11,3,1,2,5,2,0,0,0,4,27,10,31,29,6,22,0,0,1,2,11,7,0,7,15,127,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.14304467375795435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518166411993681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559800522368745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772033415507626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618903244635964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836033326049087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347971887798732,0.0968172376896716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22235156740768144,0.2094390358328402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658400149833662,0.0,0.08330696899302838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111727967105074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21484036628395406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645952603813081,0.0,0.09784584521146317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21551196338204714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589356687028832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18781071083591455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680833476804042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284739428448758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225506460259862,0.16791128277250822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738378371164666,0.28177499968476777,0.1440178693823046,0.0,0.34189684182847185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19904159801333549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645894118273315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365561212788735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671477452963687,0.14886299538949752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,meandhim_1,2020/03/06,Diagnosed Anyone else struggle with the diagnosis?,11.002857142857144,16.091526428571427,10.740000000000002,30.530000000000033,70.42857142857143,14.228571428571426,49.85714285714285,11.20814326018867,9.981114285714286,43,3,3,2,1,14,7,7,0.27699999999999997,0.723,0.0,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348794694805777,0.4907210824859501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4861045621729063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40008513088302977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5006823372211368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,iheartmollyy,2020/03/06,"Why am I like this?? When I’m feeling good i always think to myself, “why do i get so angry over something so small” “why don’t i allow myself some space and i should be fine?” Well here I am, fuming over something, any average person would be totally cool with. I have guests over I’ve had a bath to try and take my mind off it, I’ve spent some time in my closet reorganizing and I still can’t bring myself to go downstairs with a positive attitude. I feel so horrible I know I’m making a really terrible impression on my friends right now but I can’t help but get extremely irritated over every comment/action. I want to go downstairs, I want to enjoy the company. Everyone is having so much fun but i feel like everyone is stepping on eggshells when I bring my salty ass mood around. I want to be happy.",1.9547315950920243,4.128945711656447,4.019934815950922,84.38671203987731,79.61349693251535,7.5105828220858895,23.684432515337424,8.472884824447931,1.6930739263803685,633,22,127,14,16,216,96,163,0.11,0.643,0.247,0.9508,0,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,11,14,1,0,4,1,16,1,1,2,1,25,35,12,0,5,3,0,3,2,2,2,0,0,2,1,2,6,0,0,5,1,1,5,3,2,1,0,2,4,23,11,17,28,4,22,0,0,0,1,4,12,1,2,7,82,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384701483129766,0.0,0.0,0.11316752828709335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814413677336052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402113461844368,0.31803226491373376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252432428735785,0.11888651180593952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285713863672279,0.0,0.17388935662490182,0.0,0.18915432671512966,0.13958053986697014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771512697461218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154409372318433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145702612497304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260338251362866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108293337617388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803114867707655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233376398557448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453066733045491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066093538976022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421170256174181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562279380159101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289878967771193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251229511035414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066316559802428,0.0,0.0,0.09703760037096336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298448351801972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29446665157073765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962657042668806,0.0,0.4504894538921185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821604611645414,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HariSeldonII,2020/03/06,"Is there any better place than Google to find a DBT program? DBT programs seem hard to find. Does anyone have any tips on how to find them? I see a lot support groups, but I gather these differ from structured programs. Thanks, Hari",2.5593181818181847,5.291839931818182,2.055636363636367,95.99845454545458,81.5,3.5200000000000005,20.163636363636364,3.1291,-0.5309127272727272,183,5,35,0,5,53,35,44,0.027000000000000003,0.7959999999999999,0.177,0.7789,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,6,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,6,6,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,2,0,18,4,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314408871789193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164037335016598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044522610279784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415248441344962,0.0,0.0,0.2022995942421792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6338592401000208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20708411065702326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19653360336666573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415248441344962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18421362518631265,0.21044970238962826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26233049294180777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21283150762691871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Billybobhotdogs,2020/03/06,"I'm so fucking terrified of being one of 'those borderlines' When I found out I was borderline, my therapist walked me through it and what it was and everything kinda clicked in place. When I came to reddit and shared my experiences and sought comfort on /r/toastme , the rude comments and the way some users tore into me, I started crying. I got hurtful PMs saying I deserved it all just because I had BPD. There are people who use it as an excuse for their actions. ""Oh you think I abused you? No it's just cause I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I can't help it."" That disgusts me. I am not like that. I'm working on myself and I *will* get over this mental disorder. People hound down on me and attack me because of this label. I guarantee that if they met me in the real world, and really got to know me, they wouldn't even know I had it. In fact, most of the more extreme side effects of the disorder didn't even manifest itself until I was pregnant and had all the added hormones. Am I really that bad of a human being because I'm borderline? Do people genuinely think I don't deserve to succeed because they were hurt by someone who has the same illness as me???",3.4889473684210515,5.285014199134203,4.884912280701755,81.6947368421053,73.67532467532467,7.806880838459786,29.041011619958987,8.532816995589336,2.30844935064935,924,39,174,17,19,308,135,231,0.213,0.753,0.034,-0.992,0,0,0,0,1,0,29.0,0,2,4,3,8,11,4,0,9,0,20,3,0,3,3,33,36,16,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,2,18,12,0,0,6,0,0,3,6,7,0,1,13,2,34,4,25,19,6,21,0,2,1,1,16,13,1,4,5,133,52,2,0.0,0.15486245021367026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869426873755875,0.0,0.0,0.1091320866923415,0.318702923007143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461666931984553,0.0,0.0,0.1494901536099441,0.0,0.13426865060495186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357182009875952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4493931131651731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17265705378693735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746801111809198,0.12785324793348546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330980386587086,0.0,0.12083341656435287,0.06828726155305187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090712948278391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760790022593508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798419171976055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366261363154573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385520037934853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171853548749274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856817460893204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718403574648596,0.11412538407115645,0.13655749344094492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876936624050247,0.1674642076987222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394078705215633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074477690998297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251271487339968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15175700946009024,0.0,0.16749924027759916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288598657332015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374647213042736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951538125105483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pastelpanda28,2020/03/06,"How do I stop being mad about this?? Am I right to still be mad? So my boyfriend said that he'd go to sleep one night, and that he'd text me again in a few more hours. Our relationship is long distance for now. However, while I was scrolling on Facebook a few hours later, while he was still sleeping, I saw that he commented on one of our friend's posts. That was okay, and I hoped he'd text me back soon. But he didn't. He was inactive again almost as soon as he got on Facebook. So I felt a little sad. I asked him about it the next day, as I was more sad because I didn't really get to talk to him the whole day, but he says he was still asleep. He couldn't have been. Our friend even said she saw his comments. But he still kept denying it. He insisted on denying it. But it was literally stuff that only he'd say. We showed him, and he said yeah that's him, but he didn't comment because he was asleep. Fast forward a year or so, and I remembered it all at once, and asked about it again. But he's still denying it? And saying that he's weirded out about the situation and doesn't want to talk about it again. What is going on?? Is he lying, or did he forget or what? Should I just drop this? I'm sorry this is a lot, it's just been worrying me greatly, and I know it isn't a big deal, but I don't know what to do. I love him, but I also feel like the love is going away, and I'm afraid of that. I don't know if I'm right to still feel upset even while he's still trying to be sweet with me, or if I should just blow up at him... Anytime something small happens between us, I still hold a grudge and I can't drop it until he gets angry at me. I'm so exhausted.",1.1475457875457875,2.3724692857142884,2.8546373626373662,96.20702930402928,78.67032967032965,6.062124542124543,20.375091575091574,6.588339656340683,-0.058339633699634685,1276,30,319,11,30,423,154,364,0.13699999999999998,0.784,0.079,-0.9458,2,0,1,0,0,0,50.0,5,0,0,0,32,17,2,2,11,2,38,7,4,2,1,51,67,37,0,7,17,0,3,1,2,2,1,6,0,0,26,13,0,3,7,1,0,4,9,8,0,2,22,12,42,9,34,35,7,55,0,2,2,2,55,18,0,9,33,210,68,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096062015653007,0.0,0.0,0.07264270423654193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169841573334866,0.0,0.0853448076979587,0.06984841919083057,0.0,0.11074737592435777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716532653975804,0.09364945876210226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999460476429613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186032393434963,0.0648943177028328,0.08721823118096418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036163173881114,0.0,0.09491767386007036,0.0,0.15487510886963135,0.0,0.07265103521743345,0.10014864831158153,0.0,0.0,0.0803272883226323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022211922077883,0.17891325055478124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497657190716004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04437860697611742,0.0910430242104548,0.0,0.08038831606883476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722678168749439,0.16396875416818546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966066962262248,0.08524482652539885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673895731067368,0.12310766196681185,0.06908600092234014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699720119006851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058192819158641475,0.0,0.0,0.09752546431396857,0.10290116322157032,0.15514943236710566,0.2592217505023813,0.21671284296217344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021051395041142,0.1818061742432353,0.0,0.0,0.06993113416048394,0.0,0.1016851279040156,0.0,0.0,0.5803434652869697,0.0759442052077165,0.0,0.0,0.10398718807760143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14602345976494516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06167268984119141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926631038280324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05357830239288237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141680842873156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224987575584163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584963623582268 bpd,Stan_George_Costanza,2020/03/06,"Went against my instincts to stay quiet I rarely speak up or share my ideas, but today I made myself vulnerable by sharing genuine thoughts, feelings and experiences on a controversial topic in front of my class (wherein I'm the youngest in!) Did I get emotional? Yes (I almost cried, but that's BPD for ya). Did I get major anxiety? Absolutely (I'm still anxious/on edge even hours after the whole ordeal). Would I do it again? Absolutely, it was exhilarating to go outside of my comfort zone. I've noticed that the more you go toward your fears, the more confident you start to feel about yourself. Can't wait to face my fears again!",3.848166539343012,6.2683146722689065,4.792116119174941,79.9738731856379,74.54621848739495,7.35248281130634,29.30557677616501,8.296473431620573,2.294472268907563,502,22,91,9,11,163,86,119,0.126,0.6970000000000001,0.177,0.8338,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,4,0,0,5,5,0,2,5,1,6,1,1,1,0,12,19,4,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,6,4,16,3,16,12,4,17,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,7,58,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19047816582391994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455180185001038,0.2148948092037626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23957582476995865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20894808135774712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21397224874587145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563872247647856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18607196616078112,0.0,0.4281014721896995,0.19236221108536405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19876452458246888,0.0,0.21621317458405992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18732869096882265,0.0,0.0,0.2147355792544517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999105913788552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21656708669213606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463891633258046,0.2027495436373411,0.15191018737769654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510136804069324,0.0,0.0,0.1803066144885066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17633613553655675,0.0,0.21237418588371207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351270523994297,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LucifersExBestFriend,2020/03/06,"I can’t spend Tientsin away from people or with them When I’m away from someone ‘close’ to me for more than just a little while I loose grip on them, like they don’t love me and they’re gonna leave me and I’m not good enough for them, but then it turns to I never liked them anyway and I just don’t like them, then when I’m with them it’s completely different",1.9571666666666687,2.853621050000001,2.7375000000000007,99.18416666666668,76.0,6.333333333333334,18.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.497291666666666,284,4,73,2,6,89,49,80,0.099,0.7979999999999999,0.10300000000000001,0.3156,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,7,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,12,9,10,0,0,5,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,14,5,12,8,2,11,0,0,0,1,8,5,0,1,9,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4763951572973791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658189239922028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26488244014993845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619618411005433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126469695079946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26844918144443186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3715824199730143,0.2541013156480877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288186081286241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19553615796922527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17576415472130508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148131603957908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757652876796519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,culturalvehicle,2020/03/06,"Back and forth with feelings about S/O My “boyfriend” doesn’t know that I have BPD. I put boyfriend in quotation marks, because we broke up after another one of my episodes. DAE get in their head that they don’t want to be with their significant other, and break up with them, then realize it’s not what you wanted? I’m so honestly tired of being this way. I just want a normal, healthy relationship and I feel like it’s so unachievable for me. If anyone else can relate, what do you do to keep from being so back and forth and up and down feelings wise with their partner?",2.426555023923449,4.657376456140352,3.1500637958532707,90.93696172248804,78.2982456140351,6.601594896331737,23.52153110047847,7.686295010490155,1.0275368421052633,452,15,95,7,11,142,78,114,0.051,0.804,0.145,0.838,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,2,5,0,7,4,0,0,1,0,9,2,1,0,0,24,19,11,0,5,3,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,8,11,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,3,15,3,18,16,0,13,0,1,0,0,10,6,0,1,5,67,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22462449450081026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978503513286065,0.2194899397523575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294382620942977,0.0,0.1305842833620414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26979796218682794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895025179776028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249426310172394,0.15303618529582244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119191882963898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21984775073681811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19040531219781406,0.0,0.0,0.11772768991248175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465527585123396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098865159488385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515852569990176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21534657344908545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22998816469815656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246210152953711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790510157012481,0.17003494773956898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kluks1,2020/03/06,"[Mod Approved] Research Study on Disordered Eating and Suicide Risk (Adults 18+) Hello! My name is Kelsey and I am a researcher affiliated with Fordham University in Bronx, NY. I am working on my Masters Thesis which focuses on disordered eating and the risk for suicide, and I wanted to invite anyone who is interested to participate! *You do not have to have engaged in disordered eating or suicidal thoughts and behaviors to participate!* The study is completely anonymous, and involves around 30 minutes of questionnaires. If you would like to participate follow this anonymous link: [https://fordham.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_50xXDCI3upQYlq5](https://fordham.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_50xXDCI3upQYlq5) Thank you!",11.29700209643606,15.191125094339625,8.707106918238992,53.614517819706535,57.49056603773585,10.748846960167718,41.0230607966457,10.746095033038511,5.741225576519916,604,31,67,16,9,177,72,106,0.163,0.7340000000000001,0.10400000000000001,-0.871,0,0,0,0,0,2,40.0,0,3,0,3,1,6,0,2,3,0,9,3,0,0,0,16,13,8,3,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,8,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,8,4,14,11,0,7,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,2,1,46,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419317185749545,0.0,0.0,0.14538437207736954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712319604336168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5615170889885409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5013339715461006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797871288708714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.535918086977653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15035788660596794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965333003961596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632701900724287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889477217566145,0.0,0.0,0.1160138093106132,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lilboobunny,2020/03/06,DAE check snap map obsessively Right now I cannot stop checking my fwb snap map location. And if he’s at someones house or dorm I have a breakdown or feel like my world is ending. Do you guys deal with that? If so how do I keep it under wraps and stop getting hurt looking at it?,0.2671670702179192,2.5140503898305084,1.8971428571428568,96.47322033898304,87.47457627118642,4.727360774818402,20.292978208232448,6.1826913282559595,-0.04218353510895812,219,7,50,2,7,71,47,59,0.077,0.759,0.16399999999999998,0.6526,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,12,9,8,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,3,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,6,1,4,9,0,11,0,1,1,0,4,7,0,4,5,28,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29370690969083985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523261151883886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404787930752838,0.20352396864793929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488421664843932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28208380541884004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287223803006525,0.30497838309476216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532214503075885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918183493671688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23923408040553865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432927051750941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413845883877882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.476358072226507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Cats-and-Chaos,2020/03/06,"Borderline traits without the diagnosis Saw a mental health ANP the other day and the outcome in terms of diagnosis was that I have a “bit of this and that” and “borderline as well as some histrionic traits”. He was hesitant to make a full diagnosis which I totally get. Does make me wonder if I would have met the full criteria a few years ago because of how I acted and reacted to things in my last relationship 🤔 I think I’ve definitely improved since then though. Anyone else on here fall into a similar camp?",6.393707482993193,6.927108030612249,7.516734693877552,70.26278911564629,65.63265306122449,11.839455782312925,33.68027210884354,11.538034831475384,4.170117006802721,409,17,75,13,6,139,69,98,0.022000000000000002,0.892,0.086,0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,9,0,5,1,0,4,1,16,12,10,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,1,7,1,12,7,7,14,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,3,6,54,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082432023320646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642621545149158,0.2407042223282932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432055993564965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564727773400515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150454510439887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055808615074538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962462664258374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273647353902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249709929862208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19149188686961027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136230480712249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23674501184821056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522171284517226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19432899496398465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560710064609744,0.1505278261610032,0.2308085901592801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21122210074678724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22645536312109746,0.2547616935249157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16688106618691032,0.0,0.0,0.15128135654259292 bpd,GaySloanMemorial,2020/03/07,"DAE get really anxious for absolutely no fucking reason? I’m lying on my couch watching Tom and Jerry whilst scrolling through Reddit and now I just feel so fucking anxious, my heart is racing. Ask me why? I have no bloody clue?? This happens all the time. I wasn’t sad or even thinking about anything. I just gradually started to feel my self getting anxious and now I’m sat here not knowing what to do, not knowing how to move. I call it anxiety- I don’t know if it is. It feels like I am being pulled from all direction and at the same time being pushed into myself. Why do I feeeel like this??! :((",1.382941176470588,3.8918699411764734,2.896428571428572,89.43607142857144,84.88235294117645,5.080672268907564,24.466386554621852,6.5431188927421005,0.901998319327732,469,19,92,5,14,153,80,119,0.19399999999999998,0.767,0.04,-0.9551,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,10,5,2,0,2,0,10,3,1,2,2,23,27,8,0,1,6,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,5,0,0,8,0,0,3,6,3,0,0,2,4,13,2,10,23,3,12,0,1,1,2,3,3,2,2,8,62,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492906431866133,0.5534697568894706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343873766307756,0.0,0.15266958016852752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667542470621567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786243657631467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477180965855394,0.11666623247160755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019485493261204,0.17064186505407702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441144348225388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935190489052757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692470283376148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956666350822293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356901895670002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461835810077284,0.16790633281791778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17036434824656502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558921714080245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046402436781897,0.0,0.0,0.19045072601415447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294717522649247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mercurycandie,2020/03/07,How many people here post something and then delete it when not enough people responded? It can't just be me noticing this. I've been trying to start discussions this afternoon but notice the OP keeps deleting the original post before it can get anymore traction. Are people expecting more people to respond right away?,7.606071428571429,9.59512175,6.516428571428572,73.27857142857144,63.64285714285714,9.171428571428573,33.64285714285714,9.516144504307137,3.5222285714285704,262,11,38,5,4,79,47,56,0.0,0.941,0.059000000000000004,0.5122,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,0,8,8,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,6,2,9,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20004764715752915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895184221668599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17164509671268682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084261102692522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538806209144108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929407074774814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20450793187351485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4593090367049611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5593767235627916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863755217734003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722639983346116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529050406133738,0.0,0.0,0.14277532174505386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695163402153035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,13-wires,2020/03/07,"Crush complications?? This is my first post, so sorry if im a little awkward haha. I keep getting really intense crushes, and fp’ing people who dont know. this can vary from people i know irl to youtubers. like, one of the youtubers i really like got a girlfriend recently, and now i cant watch his videos because if he mentions her i might have an episode. the worst and most recent one is that even though i have a girlfriend, a friend i made about a week ago became my temporary favourite person (i havent told them in case i scare them, since we’ve only talked online). i have a massive crush on them but they already like two other people, and im two years older than them anyway (im 18, theyre 16). they told me this about half an hour ago, and i suddenly started spiralling, and my anger spiked like crazy. i want to throw things and cry and punch my wall, but i cant. i know its fucking stupid, and i should just get over it instead of wanting to throw a tantrum like a baby. now i just want to avoid their texts. but theyre my really good friend. what im basically asking is, what do i do?? does anyone know how to get over this shit, or even better, not get these crushes in the first place?? what do i say to this person, how do i act normal around them now??",3.718643410852717,4.58323551550388,4.36124031007752,89.3238759689923,71.75193798449612,6.973643410852714,24.41085271317829,6.937597516519254,0.741610852713178,985,26,212,8,18,314,141,258,0.171,0.705,0.124,-0.9428,0,1,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,8,3,16,19,5,3,13,1,17,2,1,3,0,35,36,19,0,7,9,0,0,5,4,2,0,1,0,2,15,10,0,2,4,1,0,3,5,9,0,7,4,2,35,10,18,30,2,28,0,0,1,1,24,9,2,5,20,136,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17904095598456313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144365217979256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061371715158776,0.0,0.0,0.08990144297720297,0.09441089562777467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061561835209978315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931638693976962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093145486486032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837597953793358,0.0,0.1183581216171874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334043000645284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180204358657433,0.0,0.0,0.1560473929208082,0.09336251840058124,0.21104991961811145,0.0,0.0,0.08470461416083601,0.08076996895971206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994536254751345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4363409355857789,0.0,0.0,0.08976348570316238,0.0,0.0,0.22200321384618815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24669013299043346,0.10121730843158283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555804448209858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713315780127697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989475821666514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686524914618262,0.07680653322210403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21003875498560404,0.17635904989315834,0.10551180175665636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967193546337452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19408803397176103,0.0,0.19942851348092425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031034725033734,0.10110740656035347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366355207677712,0.08353897905005916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304869366129637,0.07148039251257565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117097214998943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670924714115943,0.0,0.09922098337133516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19299825259229644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19730276694445045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17869743252393755,0.0,0.08100712390703528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503347623044316 bpd,ratttheist,2020/03/07,"starting to have obsessive thoughts again after being single and stable re-entered an old relationship after taking some time to be single and figure out how to be stable; it's weird because it's pretty healthy on paper but managing my emotions has been so hard recently like he'll fall asleep immediately after sex, and i'll get so mad over the idea that he made himself go to sleep so he doesn't have to talk to me that i'll have to leave my apartment, or i'll be by myself and start thinking about the times that he's brought new romantic partners into his life just to create distance between us, and the likelihood that he'll do it again, or this fear that he doesn't actually want a relationship; he's actually just appeasing me, and if i show him more intimacy than he wants he'll break up with me. i let myself explore these thoughts by myself, and they tend to dissipate after i go running; but they tend to come back within a day or even just a couple of hours after they had left my mind. in the future, i hope that i do not experience these obsessive thoughts still, and i want to come to define romantic feelings for people on some other basis; but it's hard because i try to enter relationships with people i'm only attracted to - not obsessed with - and i can never sustain the relationship. i guess i'm not sure how much insecurity people usually experience in their relationships, and how often, but i'm thinking that spending more time on school and with my friends should give my life a little more balance",16.581940677966102,7.833091206779662,15.071250000000004,52.68755296610172,55.57627118644068,17.86864406779661,53.146186440677965,12.815532586354998,6.470872881355933,1226,48,220,23,8,407,155,295,0.1,0.7809999999999999,0.11900000000000001,0.7824,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,4,0,16,12,1,5,10,0,17,5,2,4,2,58,47,25,0,6,14,0,3,1,2,4,2,0,0,1,15,19,0,0,9,1,1,9,6,7,0,0,7,3,28,5,40,31,8,45,0,0,0,1,26,13,0,9,23,156,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.1960782195390601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725119614620117,0.0,0.1224847657158253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308298330053187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116234178985457,0.0,0.06479145646323202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300932846200458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635602391950353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19654761834474052,0.0,0.11305078151328946,0.05079799932850592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761882137397891,0.0,0.052488688549074784,0.0963749485295826,0.1141928722420562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106732553761527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799933764102306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978417134407094,0.09893754770599192,0.0,0.0,0.11341248106088045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063776707781561,0.10915525149332504,0.10273201984044612,0.14192245670369144,0.04908200517524772,0.100692078682698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506218138827624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014407644106646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738531553800148,0.0,0.07748461338475507,0.09702948750780416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542086156951323,0.0,0.0,0.07640797415367921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20894883662829328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220877471803333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919682652186043,0.5393077510018119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167569676292974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053731057737622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422189429589805,0.0,0.08023128402262965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468684370285677,0.0,0.07553699361809467,0.0807497654415746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287475182806569,0.0,0.2392733830399465,0.17574542165020646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682089747338354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084673172763408,0.0,0.11064773532555901,0.0,0.17777014835618726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdthrowaway0005,2020/03/07,"Frustrating lack of acknowledgment - Was I wrong? Maybe just need a reality check. Had a minor episode from frustration of not being acknowledged for having what I believe a valid point. Sister has a very poorly-behaved dog. The dog runs amock when walking him, he pulls, growls at other dogs and children, and is a big liability that I help walk and take care of when she goes on vacations and trips. He is sweet with me and people he is familiar with. He is an adorable golden retriever so people always walk up to him which is dangerous because he is very unpredictable and can be aggressive. She uses a dog-walker company that she has had 2 bad experiences with 2 different walkers. First walker was caught not actually walking him for the full time that he was supposed to, she wrote a letter to the company to request a different walker. Second walker takes him on a walk, is on her phone documenting the walk when the dog gets distracted and bolts while the leash is wrapped around her hand, breaking the walker's finger. I was talking to my dad saying that she really needs to find another dog walking company because she has had 2 bad experiences. He sighs, closes his eyes, and says all dog walking companies are exactly the same, they are minimum wage and don't care, and it will be the same no matter what. I said that she has had two bad experiences with the company, and the dog could have gotten hit by a car when the person wasn't paying attention and was on her phone. Dad just sighs, goes back to reading his paper, doesn't acknowledge. I can feel that classic frustration bubbling up and I explode and say ""Ok obviously my opinion doesn't matter, it never fucking matters"" He says ""You're not always right. Don't get so angry that you're wrong once in a while!"" I walk upstairs because I am going to blow up and scream if I stay in the room. I don't understand how I was wrong, and I don't understand why it was so fucking difficult to acknowledge that a company that fucks up twice with a pet shouldn't continue to work with them. This is almost every single interaction with him. I am a grown adult. I don't feel this frustration or lack of validation from ANYONE else outside of my family, and it is so fucking maddening dealing with it. I am constantly made to feel like I am a complete fucking idiot when I offer ANY kind of input, and in this case I think it is important for her to switch companies. I don't have a good relationship with her which is why I can't talk to her about this, but I do care about the dog.",7.0205966659123495,6.738264753564156,7.531957456438111,73.4519861205401,64.39714867617107,11.18446103945086,34.07113223202836,10.746095033038511,3.613505936486385,2018,78,376,48,27,667,227,491,0.10400000000000001,0.846,0.05,-0.9540000000000001,3,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,0,2,2,16,32,12,1,31,1,55,8,3,3,4,70,83,33,0,7,8,3,5,1,0,2,0,6,2,3,24,29,0,0,12,1,3,16,16,21,2,4,17,13,48,9,49,59,7,50,0,0,1,5,53,19,5,4,14,259,72,5,0.0,0.0,0.08490969933325351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871284499299167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479941721923273,0.0,0.0,0.059170125632690224,0.0912380987888953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083976666445341,0.08915254256130127,0.0,0.07745779480478332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690570582829536,0.21795040626264944,0.1591223847444659,0.0,0.0,0.09803104070873747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661390197032128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122885675930513,0.09402744249751448,0.0,0.06947080639014884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970400778574564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18181491240407527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268611015956164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331010135535439,0.0,0.0,0.2553389032838672,0.08202575831921984,0.0,0.13198537379175942,0.0621603205978303,0.0,0.0,0.07952602324637274,0.07401108924661966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021990389277633,0.09091879299140418,0.0,0.049450073908602066,0.0729802815773726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058321305935406936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906080491467619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042508936606018864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233144159118404,0.0,0.0,0.08741374508591931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903437066513335,0.06710786379965396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266334578426112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206442540182777,0.07597421490806759,0.0,0.0,0.08225304944180828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703404909456171,0.0,0.05574115613569063,0.0,0.0,0.0934167172535649,0.0,0.07430649398822238,0.08276691338341638,0.27677697674307394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927416188869095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084213905507505,0.13987149252972478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05575281687487695,0.0,0.0,0.050736523912394485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499661813144961,0.18116200404492874,0.0,0.07514913771228418,0.0,0.14358555460174308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702689034836095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334468234070506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853969770777622,0.0,0.0 bpd,wonk32,2020/03/07,How do you best support someone with BPD? My house mate recently got diagnosed with BPD. I know the basics of the disorder but I don't have a clue how to support them in their times of need without reinforcing negative behaviours. I tend to help out when she's not doing to great so I'm quite involved. Is there any specific ways people with BPD think I could best support them? Thank you!!,2.593815789473684,5.145714697368423,3.6413157894736834,85.87671052631579,79.65789473684211,7.484210526315789,26.605263157894736,8.472884824447931,2.13261052631579,311,13,60,7,8,100,57,76,0.067,0.621,0.312,0.9744,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,3,3,5,7,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,2,0,13,16,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,11,7,11,14,2,6,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,3,41,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017532122299254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140539231677465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5653594695416295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194670051958698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187082448912398,0.0,0.0,0.17148840604759813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967240501688263,0.16496708638448934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029352070689623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726523893571248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223247719614249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094840143444208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037342768177312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914942469216942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774111061691986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267806162179186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5093934564401095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377587689656359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958765618160407,0.0,0.0,0.08725018293039305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876895718361448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423752853263913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Tarzan09,2020/03/07,BPDex I’m miss my BPDex girlfriend. Will she ever come back to me?,-1.6023809523809551,-0.3014888571428571,-0.2842857142857138,105.41261904761903,116.14285714285714,1.866666666666667,11.809523809523812,3.1291,-1.971161904761904,52,1,12,0,3,16,13,14,0.11800000000000001,0.882,0.0,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5242263258003811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5872702360652601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6166850323866201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,crymyself2sleep3000,2020/03/07,"Tired of this Pretty tired of fighting this. No one is ever going to stay with me anyways and i don’t have any family support either. I’m always a second choice and just want to kill my self . I don’t know how to do it quick and easy, without anyone noticing . I don’t want to have anyone find my body and be traumatized, so I think it’s best if I go missing first and then execute it. I’ve dealt with this for a long time and am constantly criticized at home for being a human. I’m quiet borderline and don’t want to take it out on anyone else and want to self destruct. I refuse to eat and have stayed In my room all day for two days in the dark, hiding under covers. I’ve completely isolated myself so no one is hurt and think I’ll begin giving away my belongings . I hate this",2.979674796747968,3.976156073170735,4.633902439024394,86.18162601626018,73.6341463414634,7.66178861788618,22.8130081300813,8.07648339933343,1.0661642276422765,612,15,130,9,12,207,99,164,0.233,0.653,0.114,-0.972,0,0,0,0,2,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,7,8,4,0,4,0,13,4,1,1,2,29,30,15,1,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,3,8,13,1,1,4,0,0,2,7,6,0,5,0,1,13,2,22,28,3,22,0,2,0,0,6,8,0,1,10,89,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114456404337797,0.0,0.0,0.0908351420763005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801948849911543,0.13686271211067289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549750382049446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017804502378178,0.0,0.0,0.1483709965758079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005017019283925,0.14434642494005764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228881769926885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667991236504232,0.11158423398157696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082565166161705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259220143809565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208454085749773,0.11361827839730401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12813669304850653,0.1518267686992979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318770218926814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339859693715417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299411001882933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778023347254998,0.0,0.07340897241179138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820910111691545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207528885481628,0.0,0.0,0.18102688019041185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589314020633192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786943681629723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847449802717454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157859548754696,0.0,0.0,0.1004312916657774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117810678385598,0.0,0.0,0.07788828076264527,0.3070481437139905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048273603309324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151424622359157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876091191491154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Throwawaykink94,2020/03/07,"I can't understand why I feel the way I do about my relationship and keep thinking of cheating I have a very high sex drive. I always have, but my boyfriend's sex drive is like a panda, he'd totally let his species die out. I think I'm afraid of being alone if I broke up with him because I'm afraid no one will love my crazy ass but god do I miss good sex. I was seeing a therapist for a few weeks but got overwhelmed when we tried really talking about my feelings and stopped going. I guess I'd qualify as a quiet borderline. I'm cheerful and confident around other people but actually I mostly hate myself and being in this relationship is part of it. My boyfriend is a good guy but I can't imagine marrying him and I feel like I'm too young to settle down. Sometimes I feel like I really love him but we have nothing in common to the point where it comes down to differences in our morals. He can tell I'm pulling away and I feel guilty with how he's being overly affectionate because it doesn't make him less of a manchild or more confident in bed, but even when I'm at my very worst he loves and supports me. I have friends to rely on if we broke up but I don't talk to my family. I haven't been single since 2012 for more than 3 weeks and it kinda terrifies me. I forget how to be alone and I don't know if that's what I actually want. Any advice for a girl in their mid 20s who still doesn't know what she want from life and has never chosen to be single?",2.3337419354838715,3.7392790838709686,3.9769677419354856,88.63545161290325,75.90322580645163,7.282580645161293,23.36774193548387,7.9765259561132025,1.043957419354839,1156,34,256,18,25,387,163,310,0.161,0.65,0.18899999999999997,0.8943,0,3,0,0,0,0,16.0,4,0,1,0,11,21,2,3,10,0,28,8,1,3,2,54,59,27,1,5,12,0,5,3,1,1,1,1,1,2,10,18,0,2,11,0,0,5,9,9,0,1,3,7,44,12,36,48,10,34,1,4,1,7,27,19,1,7,12,170,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.21837471301215244,0.0,0.0,0.10933646830525484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231766164942841,0.0,0.0,0.09310046857978097,0.0,0.0,0.07608824024460614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996047792176337,0.0,0.0,0.10512323757661106,0.0,0.0,0.13641278273758387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638231848084336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612293906580524,0.11690001151028755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739015160078119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547882970508132,0.0,0.2828717679870658,0.15986680294342356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644503138456751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358899974335197,0.18769408171444707,0.08948771742948887,0.0,0.12325815910457882,0.11078753139988294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046705377622283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821669048477787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994519317953096,0.0,0.0,0.12298234804952995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441390789121865,0.07903038854979602,0.16398968971773864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30295210859046856,0.0,0.07468666188732033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629556230432195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073603486509724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581876593031345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116469783161107,0.0,0.0775696255983819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057711086440907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335769729112532,0.0,0.0,0.2402534572725233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916091005793153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255559520282296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066091242470663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935456301176807,0.09354407071689536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126970116694578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17986400422806498,0.09779576785140427,0.0,0.0,0.1299115537758703,0.0,0.14338768692238435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596517000903945,0.0,0.0,0.11648021649078025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18464000299767008,0.13198986003534455,0.08881214410576081,0.17950093846350804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096226457130043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kreationk,2020/03/07,Just a casual Saturday night rushing on my meds Anyone else have any experience with effexor and bpd/cptsd I took my evening dose and I'm rushing like I've taken drugs. I'm not even complaing but I put some music on and it's like all the hairs on my arms/back of my neck are standing on end and I'm getting waves of euphoria.,-0.23217391304347856,2.067144695652175,2.1502753623188404,91.93584782608696,94.79710144927536,5.658550724637681,21.39275362318841,7.1686216300943375,0.9066510144927528,260,10,56,5,10,88,50,69,0.0,0.8170000000000001,0.183,0.9072,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,2,4,2,0,1,10,8,5,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,1,6,3,7,6,2,12,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,5,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17388318037093656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878975255709392,0.2619924746306396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966157210245788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220422578063583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965281126351459,0.0,0.21360258860687809,0.0,0.2264722360036547,0.0,0.0,0.337771792233898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501213807963492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359147637247792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498419265534697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28402246277917154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399549370632956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570467773821906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840895140286983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,paradiseplant,2020/03/07,To my ex FP. I hate the fact that I have the day off on your birthday and I still had to work on mine. I hate that I even remember your birthday and you didn't mine.,0.5207017543859642,1.3597061578947418,2.3921052631578945,100.47307017543864,79.52631578947368,6.119298245614036,20.561403508771924,6.42735559955562,-0.2358175438596488,126,3,35,1,3,42,25,38,0.198,0.802,0.0,-0.8126,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,1,2,2,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,5,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,11,0,5,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,27,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403102930235548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461132442828012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7357739451070251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4221079634485397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29757632295355885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27127317406617546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nwaisou,2020/03/07,"i really need to get sober turbulent seems like the only word i can use to describe my life at the moment. i’ve been really fucking trying with DBT and it seems to be making an actual difference. i don’t think i’ve been properly suicidal in two weeks? for the first time in possibly years? like i’ve just been here. and living. and i’ve had moments of “i don’t want to be here” but i think i dealt with it well. and i’ve been going outside almost everyday. i’ve genuinely been feeling lighter. but i’ve been on and off using substance again for just under two months which i think is starting to contradict all the effort i’m putting into therapy. and i’m not happy about it. this time last week i was pretty sure i had no interest in sobriety ever again, and then i went on a big binge for the week and yesterday i just absolutely peaked. and today i woke up and i felt really empty. and i’ve been sick for a few days and i haven’t slept in 2 days or eaten and i realised it’s because i’ve been using again. and i’m genuinely really stuck. i don’t want to get sober but i think i need to and i can’t remember how i did it before. i’m angry at myself, everything else seems to be going better and yet this is really dragging me down. i didn’t even realise until today. i told my therapist about it a couple days ago and she said i should consider getting sober because it’s going to be my demise and i blew it off when she said it but now i’m really tired and i think she’s right. i feel ashamed i didn’t notice it was getting too much. and i still don’t think it’s that bad? because emotionally i feel more stable. i feel pretty calm at the moment. i have no idea how to do this.",0.4740126050420202,2.65766048739496,2.9960721288515413,89.47864600840337,85.58263305322129,6.483165266106442,19.28914565826331,7.734863291789972,0.7602291876750704,1322,37,285,26,40,457,162,357,0.124,0.773,0.10300000000000001,-0.9084,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,3,20,11,1,1,10,0,31,6,1,6,3,64,75,30,1,5,9,0,5,2,0,1,3,2,0,0,16,23,1,0,16,0,0,5,11,3,1,3,24,7,39,8,35,46,4,53,0,0,0,1,6,17,1,5,33,185,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.08706352953322423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908603905401057,0.0,0.08933856123886343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449298796812068,0.16315870333286264,0.0,0.07591762535854396,0.0,0.0,0.07890573669960489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871760208915407,0.0,0.17261395671221386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321342626326692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452987524658215,0.10035781668367892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05892739807413616,0.08070244714333114,0.0,0.0,0.08018304610566172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804444420257522,0.0,0.08566290856523509,0.0,0.0,0.07588846392117192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824802541497351,0.1864501012461401,0.0,0.1521132922611444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949738178952945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007158359300913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272426986282614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630170450838275,0.08717444736433427,0.0,0.0787807950019909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955345564761232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712126549055998,0.0,0.06558521787544927,0.13230747287318625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015748542783268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785402203203393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005794639089268,0.0,0.1815327923139466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968835244824258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429305602217689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106617408940974,0.0761913619369079,0.16973277880654974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24366111758960396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314869223925472,0.0,0.07124930838737258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758959815109564,0.0,0.08408655313691524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020281264521089,0.10358853589649003,0.0,0.34300229938361954,0.0,0.0,0.10404702602285462,0.10254253235038846,0.16913574792760552,0.08525126141074765,0.0,0.0605729091189267,0.0,0.1743053062493536,0.0,0.0,0.2311661408055684,0.0,0.0,0.10524573032074326,0.0,0.21469498516922247,0.0,0.08021735702130256,0.0827056296721169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05745322362356405 bpd,gayattheweekend,2020/03/07,"I'm a carer for someone with BPD Hey everyone, I'm a residential worker and look after a girl that's recently been diagnosed with BPD. She can be quite volatile and will often physically abuse us carers when she feels paranoid or like we are being unfair. This has cause multiple staff members to get seriously hurt and the girl doesn't appear remorseful for this behaviour and often projects this on staff saying it's our fault it happened. I was just lurking to try and understand her brain a bit better in hopes I can support her in a more constructive way, does anyone have any advice? Thank you so much!",8.30394202898551,7.81104827826087,8.199782608695653,70.41213768115942,61.8695652173913,11.492753623188404,35.68840579710145,10.864195022040775,3.90644927536232,492,19,85,11,6,159,87,115,0.152,0.726,0.122,-0.5894,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,3,1,0,3,5,8,0,0,6,0,11,2,1,1,0,17,22,8,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,6,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,3,10,5,10,17,3,8,0,1,1,0,12,3,0,5,4,56,16,4,0.0,0.21355971968556886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613239477785447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257213148040845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260308271969052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941121048893714,0.19677981441987752,0.0,0.4540221300517029,0.20121196458465704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18516028479589366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829439116404059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577327784854064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17223090925484194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113680491582696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417007425133424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938921379178034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902300637200153,0.0,0.0,0.19295497814523568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805813594363318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513596022374579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250011227331207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19171172861177646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779692497046581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333729910723345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272019447519428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20453880635876406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594450015081866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237387507381114,0.0,0.0,0.18764040756727132,0.21681139335730207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430693333081782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,OGsnack,2020/03/07,"Is my boyfriend going to leave me? I don’t know if this is the right flair, so please bare with me. I’m so afraid my boyfriend is gonna leave me, that I feel like I’m suffocating him, but I just feel like I can’t help it. However, he’s always being so good to me - when I feel really down at work, he comes by my workplace to cheer me up, even though he’s got his own life, and I just can’t stop feeling like he’s just doing it out of pity. I’m just so afraid that I’m dragging him down with me.. Do you guys have any advice on how to cope with this?",3.3618514285714305,2.3456464880000034,4.590285714285713,93.958,72.12,8.102857142857143,23.457142857142852,6.868970318607317,0.31919428571428554,421,7,114,3,7,140,72,125,0.06,0.743,0.19699999999999998,0.9621,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,1,12,8,0,2,1,0,10,1,0,1,0,19,23,10,0,1,6,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,4,19,5,15,20,1,11,0,1,0,0,10,7,0,1,5,67,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879194483064917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16001421084631334,0.0,0.0,0.13077484896858504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565481212410965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701646881833595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3889432860275151,0.4121508844758467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929207734029243,0.16129736414980436,0.15380488093512482,0.0,0.0,0.1904134284068835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889883017486364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568648939886184,0.0,0.0,0.4072491178721598,0.0,0.0,0.13583159622699806,0.28185336967052105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21109452129092168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319631227809905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16422849241554058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077664144395604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889399207433917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000124518059204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,prayersforrainn,2020/03/07,"DAE struggle to listen/pay attention when someone is talking? So I've been diagnosed with bpd for about a year although I've been struggling with it for most of my life. I've been on Duloxetine for about 6 months and I'm the most stable I've ever been, however I've realised that I really struggle to listen when someone is explaining something to me. for example, I just started a new job and my colleague was explaining something important to me and I could not get myself to focus and listen to what he was saying. it was like my mind just kept wandering and I was really fidgeting and the more I tried to listen to him the harder it was, it was so overwhelming, I felt like my head was going to explode.. and this happens with my partner a lot too, I'll ask him to explain something to me and then when he does I can't focus or listen to him and I end up having to leave the room bc I feel so frustrated and overwhelmed with myself. Is this a form of dissociation? is it even bpd related? thank you in advance for reading x",1.8187483530961792,4.204792159420293,3.869883618796667,84.07607707509881,81.51207729468598,6.855423803249892,25.83421168203777,8.00094639256281,1.8598425120772948,815,34,156,16,22,277,106,207,0.065,0.865,0.069,-0.307,2,0,3,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,1,13,9,1,5,8,0,18,3,1,0,1,31,35,19,0,1,4,0,2,2,1,0,2,5,1,1,9,14,0,1,6,1,0,2,2,6,0,0,13,7,23,3,29,21,5,16,0,2,0,0,17,4,0,4,12,117,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730437310413293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699572655339827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726438384316384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907077170196026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285276279526135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300839363784026,0.0,0.0,0.09700677907967567,0.1328530482776978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426229010538275,0.0,0.14101900165446998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673393180457605,0.0,0.08347006101131726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987736453133547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073181434941313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574660774262968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555149720951555,0.0,0.0,0.10373919043583074,0.14350730955786833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124864303106104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482976411425164,0.0,0.11723087235946945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184873509452636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691054661338562,0.0,0.18817839229470185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679755614709768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488863066363168,0.33920495487055674,0.0,0.0,0.1039559090920139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4606237517302771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804918670879075,0.0,0.13521890111217535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997156332224352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457998068155812 bpd,Lavender103,2020/03/07,"I don’t know how to interact without being hyper focused on it or feeling unnatural :( Does anyone else find it difficult to maintain being ..’normal’ ? Sometimes I find myself being focused on what facial Expressions to make or when to smile or laugh because it’s hard for me to seem normal when people are talking to me. Every interaction I have feels uncomfortable and unnatural to me because if I didn’t purposefully make facial Expressions I would have a blank, plain face all the time, and since at my job I have to talk to a lot of people it’s so hard for me and I can feel myself getting kind of irritated as well because I have to pay attention to my facial expressions or mannerisms😭😭 I Hope I’m not the only one who finds it difficult",6.992224137931032,6.7350094896551775,8.242887931034485,68.24778017241381,64.44827586206897,11.112068965517242,35.36637931034483,10.686352973137794,3.9146034482758623,596,25,104,14,8,206,84,145,0.151,0.764,0.085,-0.7757,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,0,12,4,4,3,1,28,22,13,0,5,7,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,9,0,1,0,4,2,1,1,1,5,17,4,20,17,2,6,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,8,3,77,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963012561401836,0.1606482893616204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867303407613206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720662399356104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097662637557242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210102636799986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23783084487826986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4299053922823679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191549082769746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809032990144776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155726302150651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558833789613558,0.0,0.0,0.16327103725406605,0.08616682849461829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329592834945714,0.0,0.0,0.2093150078119645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072387717204174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624390742580064,0.11924467688112927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173947312385234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427343109287865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969702115049905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506778026578938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25204122462246664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142460260263108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097164076357238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113846508496706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137801219459227,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,C0UNTINGW0RMSS,2020/03/07,"I need friends who understand me. I (25F) have such a hard time finding people I can be open with and relate too. I feel like if you don’t understand or suffer from BPD or some semblance of mental health issue that I can’t quite connect with you on the level I’m looking too. I have one person in my life that has stayed consistently but as she worked through her mental health issues I feel like we’ve drifted apart. Anyway, let’s make friends? 25F from the US. I like pop punk, tattoos, fucked up movies, and copious amounts of things that will take me out of reality. I don’t do reddit so like sorry if I’m doing this wrong.",2.6635146743020752,4.5077496535433115,3.5930422333571954,89.86596993557625,76.08661417322834,6.192984967788117,23.356478167501788,6.980632752743323,0.6970535433070868,494,15,103,5,11,158,89,127,0.12300000000000001,0.7440000000000001,0.133,0.0887,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,2,0,2,5,9,1,0,3,0,12,4,0,1,0,19,23,9,0,3,5,0,3,4,2,1,3,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,0,4,17,6,13,20,2,10,0,1,1,1,9,7,1,5,5,65,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907172893866566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313231004777406,0.2163592801155584,0.0,0.0,0.13840174064867153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339845973719871,0.13999202978470113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356490505893306,0.0,0.0,0.3219201190146941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161013625068573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484459744473927,0.1069575275108117,0.2959187737161438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716073138586087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107884878321748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052060542100431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228136888119124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261100687512972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049805716027156,0.13222041236888332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610614937219235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695103812672563,0.0,0.16140127420629488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113854428124217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060151993632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882984328561736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31528216394705016,0.18214830737233015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024082355571097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655618994932073,0.0,0.0 bpd,alpharouge93,2020/03/07,"Stigma Does anyone else hate when you are talking to people looking to date but your sre terrified to tell them that you have BPD because of all the stigma? I'm a good person or I at least try my best to be but everyone thinks I'm abusive the miniute they find out I have BPD, wleven if we have been talking everyday for months the minute BPD is mentioned I'm made to feel like an abusive neglective person..how do you handle thisbwhile dating or getting to know people?",4.306082949308757,5.807721451612906,4.817235023041476,84.18870967741938,71.04301075268819,7.464823348694317,28.3394777265745,7.957251820313856,1.8427155145929333,377,14,71,5,7,120,67,93,0.177,0.7070000000000001,0.115,-0.8364,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,4,2,1,1,5,1,0,5,0,8,0,0,1,1,14,18,6,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,10,3,10,15,3,7,0,1,1,0,12,2,0,3,6,43,11,0,0.0,0.3709742687407184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946398044302907,0.1604048258304456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543193301941223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642904378448206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5915108708328277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699868645926927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077813044333764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495910270659565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079156803560131,0.11183994435384384,0.0,0.0,0.14308462261803828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179134736663678,0.0,0.0,0.13130740884283829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15456153397448136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603624210357239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764828279332293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146326900877947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813218074765158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495737905972144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21706526810426627,0.2733882929150091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25165925450132776,0.13683232582580926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031145072752294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628773741910573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwawaybpd12420,2020/03/07,"Every time a relationship ends it feels as if the whole world does. CW: Self-harm, disordered eating, and more in post **Trigger warnings for self-harm, disordered eating and some suicide talk. Maybe more that I’m forgetting. No, I’m not threatening to do anything, I’m expressing how I feel.** Some background: A doctor told me that he suspects I have BPD but said he didn’t want to diagnose me unless absolutely necessary due to the diagnosis being stigmatized. I’m fairly sure I have it, and my breakups are a big indicator. I haven’t been in a lot of relationships in my life, but each one of them has always lasted for a long time. My shortest relationship was a year, to put it into perspective. Yet every time a relationship ends... it messes me up. I can usually manage very well while in the relationship (hence why they last so long in the first place), but as soon as I get my heart broken it’s as if the monster comes out. I realize that I’ve been giving more than I’ve been receiving. Once I wasted 3 years with someone who wasn’t even willing to call me their partner or tell me they loved me. I was just so stupidly in love that I put up with it. A few kisses and compliments was all it took for me to ignore all the problems. What I mean by “monster”- I don’t mean it literally, it’s just my nickname for the emotions I go through. It feels as if my life has ended and that there’s no point to anything. I binge eat in massive amounts and gain weight(I have/used to have anorexia which makes this stand out even more), i used to drink but now I only get extremely strong urges to do so, reckless spending, often on products that will change my appearance. I can’t work on any of my goals for the future, because part of my brain says “what future?” or “who cares?” I was broken up with 2 weeks ago with my best friend of 7 years, partner of 2. He asked me the day after how I was doing. I replied with a hate-filled speech via voice message, and that was it. We haven’t spoken since. All I’ve done since is binging to the point of nearly vomiting, booked an appointment for hair dye last week, bought over 200 euro worth of makeup, ordered clothes for the same amount and god knows how I will pay for that, self-harmed a little but mostly daydreamed about doing so, and fuck I was *this* close to scheduling an appointment for the next tattoo when I stumbled upon this sub and decided to rage a bit into the void before doing so. How the fuck do I cope with breakups? Anyone? I don’t know what to do, I can’t find joy or meaning in anything anymore",3.339713929752264,4.988788585461692,4.250921462456277,86.69740763812355,73.75442043222004,7.2448320475346195,25.77416263357133,7.933642134475585,1.4083496190521825,2006,68,409,29,41,647,260,509,0.106,0.77,0.124,0.9194,0,0,1,0,0,2,69.0,1,0,4,6,21,18,4,0,27,0,38,17,3,7,4,73,69,38,1,5,15,0,4,0,3,3,5,4,0,2,28,24,4,1,12,2,5,7,11,7,1,2,17,8,49,11,68,48,20,68,0,0,0,5,31,27,2,12,31,274,77,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637231529198237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06230213468014827,0.0,0.0,0.05091767918689548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425604325975856,0.05235445569368096,0.0,0.1848476409035906,0.0,0.06999817105696618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045643205087243136,0.0,0.06371324985785021,0.0,0.07857686532346322,0.0,0.08174428673201012,0.0,0.09430264809182427,0.08358544587212398,0.0764559141215134,0.0,0.07634021999820523,0.0,0.07920799555663036,0.06449832399750713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04828828659579819,0.0,0.0,0.07599671548169852,0.0,0.0,0.17162684994500188,0.07663790321898656,0.06552376070462057,0.07662328900628952,0.0,0.07334915557429103,0.0,0.2298479565293257,0.0,0.08422448172420284,0.19895151387799856,0.0,0.0,0.09890867948619003,0.0,0.1261711102370364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357739819261795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843454353646426,0.06368877635862359,0.0,0.0,0.057848366070636585,0.13844176543094786,0.07823836579854157,0.07182708013197264,0.04255328127367358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392372312484882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872743000340919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229886410181493,0.18309975666191605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577308549278676,0.0,0.07504458486924152,0.0,0.13252432814133874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365618698175941,0.1351555178970556,0.0,0.04997975347167125,0.0,0.0752221662742401,0.2446830124309031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963058649202295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973960613699738,0.0507373489986804,0.05694593632466016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108250622085389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822861014908497,0.0,0.14156246378858425,0.0,0.0717097098290905,0.0,0.0,0.07164541996021226,0.0,0.15054044121865318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019395251361476,0.0,0.0,0.0712234273272871,0.059543735784873326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343333775610257,0.0,0.0,0.12387501901316697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344148358789982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190127682685998,0.0,0.07056895608095758,0.0,0.0,0.06018182070654636,0.06544419370570087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098093100222968,0.0,0.0,0.07154642803047817,0.08318906236253809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900656033120827,0.06466810141589252,0.0824644150052201,0.06177985196844691,0.04416331175223448,0.0,0.12012068052894,0.09117777842316643,0.06732176469820826,0.0,0.06756318954016505,0.08359544680440854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054510011245233504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465145246228833 bpd,Mishelle_v,2020/03/07,I watched Girl Interrumped Why the doctors gave laxatives to patients?.. I dont get it why?.. Laxatives dont belong to psychiatry for treating bpd.. Or?,2.02888888888889,4.634968925925925,3.9974814814814814,76.02066666666668,100.48148148148148,8.085925925925926,35.02962962962963,8.238735603445708,4.436398518518518,119,8,19,4,5,40,21,27,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,10,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688702730379009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29977359976056345,0.0,0.0,0.6865029438434179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530169509452473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5285546626161559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kdblue,2020/03/07,"Quitting therapy After almost five years, I’m thinking of not continuing with my DBT therapy. Lately, I’ve just felt so hopeless and depressed and just nothing at all is working to help me drag myself out of it. Yesterday, my therapist sounded so defeated with me, even though she said she “wasn’t going to give up on me,” I feel like I’ve already given up on myself and I don’t want to waste her time anymore. I feel like I’m too far gone, and I feel like I’m being selfish and taking up a space that someone who CAN benefit from therapy could be using. Does/Has anyone else felt this way? What did you do and what was the outcome?",6.037700892857143,5.4574369218750025,7.0289285714285725,77.23750000000003,66.5,9.814285714285717,33.910714285714285,9.23628265651192,2.940262053571429,498,20,97,8,7,168,87,128,0.14300000000000002,0.7509999999999999,0.106,-0.7953,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,0,3,7,8,0,0,2,0,10,0,0,1,1,23,27,9,0,2,3,0,5,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,9,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,8,7,15,4,16,16,1,18,0,3,0,0,8,9,0,1,9,65,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978359884193987,0.0,0.16506617043048566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834399425176253,0.1045903974079162,0.15326324158735885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942812484255196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883375356929733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124955593428761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879673045480084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22689769296860116,0.32058173415690033,0.2872421170487205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349156640281888,0.08501023533631237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026088033465133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873369659513568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192329203462785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352684491725914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909762975638592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422856272730557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673935566112868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124661719771824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.513176161038828,0.1736748777927951,0.0,0.0958453589362816,0.14696241042989547,0.0,0.08722178749239058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918981464112486,0.0,0.0,0.08822665169210055,0.11873030400894985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889662901293566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632515321574996 bpd,throw_me_away_655321,2020/03/07,"My FP cut me loose and I'm lost My FP and I have been friends with benefits for almost 2 years. He's seen me in the middle of episodes, been the one to get the 3am call because I can't be alone, made sure I eat regularly, dressed my wounds from self harm. We've never considered ourselves to be 'dating' but I always felt that there was a mutual care for each other on a platonic level. He's always been there for me. And then I get this text from him saying, I can't do this anymore. You need too much from me and I can't give you any more. And God, I don't blame the guy. We know how we are. We know what it's like to lose your shit after being left on read, or how we can zoom through 9 emotions in an hour. We know how hard we are to like, let alone love. But what now? I feel the urge to isolate and my inner voice is saying ""No, bad!"". The urge to cut but I don't even think it would help. Not suicidal just honestly...not surprised. They always leave eventually. I hate the way I am so much.",0.35049603174603305,2.0926841157407416,2.297354497354497,96.91166666666668,82.8425925925926,5.5957671957671975,18.15608465608466,6.655083550727371,-0.26388597883597864,763,17,188,8,21,254,131,216,0.121,0.698,0.18100000000000002,0.9426,0,2,0,0,0,0,30.0,6,3,1,2,10,16,4,0,10,0,21,4,1,4,2,35,38,15,1,2,6,0,3,2,1,1,1,3,0,2,8,14,1,0,6,1,0,0,8,8,0,1,8,7,31,8,20,25,4,16,0,2,1,1,22,8,1,2,9,119,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395502237412519,0.2886725810972749,0.0,0.0,0.3478793279370946,0.0,0.0,0.09477047138428073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820897447089506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636087478856155,0.0849533625782517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230348156317246,0.0,0.142088146010229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260141424908745,0.0,0.15676271901162653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204683254019387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046526692497536,0.0,0.1338087147457295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767020431551066,0.0,0.14562106768157387,0.13368806966393454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798960970203286,0.0,0.0,0.12484036262385913,0.13759044400487982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341095013987498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724282058669526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22976799816498295,0.0,0.0,0.14756350772329507,0.15141647376698353,0.14250638402084911,0.0,0.136169795724456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590966141347326,0.15212933510625692,0.0,0.12577902553527126,0.13186704347697248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20489319957071966,0.10333464735752247,0.1074840355311268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944348320304282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939902562277573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22165141846315048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538424248163434,0.0,0.14305238457706834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524386565885278,0.0,0.13134638773187024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929710186916398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061852310545824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989982779090172,0.0,0.0,0.08974411609213133 bpd,skippytedder,2020/03/07,"a BPD poem they say that surgery is a lifesaver - and that most people die from disease - while this is true on paper - my thoughts are what will kill me - I try my best to lock the thoughts out - but I can hear them breaking in - I will never be able to face the pain - that’s why it will always win - there is no one to blame but me - for I chose to damage health - I’m sorry to those I’ve hurt - I promise I love you more than I love myself",0.3774349881796688,2.0709530319148968,1.78971631205674,100.83388888888894,82.51063829787235,4.177777777777779,17.891252955082738,3.1291,-1.0153910165484632,331,7,82,0,9,106,69,94,0.218,0.5589999999999999,0.222,0.3634,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,2,2,1,10,1,0,4,0,9,5,1,0,2,9,15,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,7,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,2,15,6,11,9,3,6,0,2,0,2,7,3,0,1,2,57,22,1,0.21400887715357386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807252968547768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245891132741984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695366890390243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221074268411504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274814289079867,0.2412035582435081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291009292297779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23676911451734986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863027341910376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505683928962145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450179537525351,0.0,0.22772053403914186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483668091876724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17018844879988726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395654168085901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33979828687277397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452979796756342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19310972467962892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DreadfulCucumber,2020/03/07,"I want to talk to people Hey guys. So recently I lost my job and, well, I slowly start to feel anxious and lonely. I don't have any friends in my city so I spend most of my days alone. Do you guys know any good ways to talk to people via internet? I have to add here that my PC is not good enough to install any games, so that's out. I'm searching rather for casual, engaging conversations rather life-time friendship (it never works out anyway ^(hehe)). Can you maybe recommende me something, I need some human contact.",2.2856310679611624,4.5035329514563145,3.3202038834951466,89.60380097087379,78.70873786407769,6.4500970873786425,21.9504854368932,7.554174236665415,0.8503638834951452,406,12,83,6,10,130,72,103,0.10800000000000001,0.741,0.151,0.5672,1,3,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,0,2,8,8,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,15,13,5,0,4,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,2,1,0,1,1,14,6,12,12,3,8,0,2,0,0,12,3,0,2,4,50,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19034722424740802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749430465487296,0.0,0.0,0.2076262548441091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118526986945538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18990042146574296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292789716320143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199287267052615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083025295846985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639547487596577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823795866916155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100416766368787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298137292417797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20062450374753046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18463808406856494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362752445578548,0.14174735776076725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25482861870202866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814668415251248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148770580029424,0.0,0.0,0.13008491949145495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954410015394592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840194681880276,0.14588104449294031,0.0,0.0,0.1652459941751059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337986465609471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,foxcemetery,2020/03/07,"relationships i cannot for the life of me stay in a romantic relationship. i dated someone for 3 years and was completely obsessed with them for 3 months then got overwhelmed and hated them so strongly i would cheat and pine for something else. so i broke up with them which seemed out of the blue (even though i had known for 2 years already). then, 3 months after that, i got into a relationship with someone i thought was perfect and i was obsessed with until 3 months later... i hated them and wasnt attracted to them but i stayed and tried to be but i ended up breaking up with them after a year. i felt free and stable and content being alone, i thought i was fine until i saw them and ended up rekindling whatever was left of what we had. gave it a month, and absolutely hated them and was disgusted by them until now when i knew i just had to end it. it sucks feeling like i’m the problem, like maybe i’m just splitting but also my feelings of discontent are valid? i hate not knowing whats real and whats not. its so hard to end something when the other person was so supportive and had so much hope, they tried so hard to understand my illness. but staying with them felt like i was lying to them and myself, all i wanted was to give them the world and love them unconditionally but i couldnt. i dont know if i will ever find someone who makes me feel content, but when i do, i hope i dont miss my ex. i feel hopeless.",4.042827586206897,4.907634696551725,5.0794827586206885,84.47129310344829,71.0,7.593103448275862,27.603448275862068,7.734863291789972,1.511606896551724,1122,38,231,13,20,369,138,290,0.177,0.6709999999999999,0.152,-0.8422,0,1,2,0,0,1,26.0,1,0,14,2,16,26,7,3,9,0,24,3,0,1,3,61,56,38,0,7,11,1,8,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,11,24,0,0,15,0,1,0,7,14,0,0,23,10,48,13,35,28,2,38,0,4,2,1,24,9,1,4,28,171,59,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934083817077431,0.09952556689339828,0.0721239387509768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945612251207586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114011685723324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753411570648616,0.0,0.31952197611208777,0.0,0.0,0.059568841877683285,0.08158091940484273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824086381892468,0.06443088599847463,0.1731907541101707,0.0,0.08243091554900916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651730062809232,0.0,0.0,0.14426442047517768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615828728891021,0.35617101323841643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915562668134902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913079515086352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799037875163397,0.0,0.06370300601894324,0.13218505416497414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139889963479106,0.0,0.060201714290509134,0.0,0.09060675669242248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879513108265735,0.0,0.06629913420275038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787493682864978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629848694857943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265458212624863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29048700852065423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210448257687074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292499944776373,0.13886346578050202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883877343141479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234516439109048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861002331313722,0.14319964215191194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246452968573635,0.0,0.0,0.09388970582530608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05319568208229903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406752519539519,0.0,0.0,0.17423586168302593 bpd,jiswoo,2020/03/07,"I can’t control myself in emotional situations Hey guys, I have pretty bad problem that tends to ruin my relationships (especially with my FP). I lose my sense of empathy and awareness when I become irrationally angry. I would often spew hurtful things that I don’t mean and engage in destructive behavior, which just hurts me and the person on the receiving end. In the moment, I always want to be right regardless of if I actually am or not. My FP could be crying and begging, and I’d feel so numb. Afterwards, I think back on the whole interaction and it’s so heart-wrenching for me to relive. I’m 100% aware of what I’ve said and done but I want to be able to do this BEFORE these harmful behaviors. How can I better monitor myself in a heated discussion so I can stop myself from causing pain? Better yet, how can I steer these conversations into something productive?",5.234618473895583,6.713225734939762,6.651987951807232,72.00982931726911,68.75903614457832,9.870682730923695,30.09839357429719,10.125756701596842,3.2818489959839354,696,27,120,18,12,237,112,166,0.182,0.728,0.09,-0.9298,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,4,10,13,1,0,5,0,14,2,0,4,0,29,22,16,0,7,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,9,9,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,10,0,0,2,2,22,3,18,15,1,16,0,4,0,0,9,8,0,3,7,90,31,0,0.15991429977962912,0.0,0.1560532886698482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306150788411275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296422560989953,0.13352176069122615,0.0,0.17661278027814828,0.13607529086774792,0.0,0.0,0.2828624057147036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16427603629489052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793574849917632,0.12767855602903155,0.0,0.17565834931089627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16364784973356195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798820633757722,0.14163660452589416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085747485567044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834029847222916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18949921519619425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423831306806189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890319695969012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419355294341785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17016008976197947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963099838548754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16269033310441078,0.0,0.15301638799118053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168811170729134,0.0,0.13656593825491392,0.15211511909660286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17975037309881411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310984067617588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369551510411373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623995505789034,0.10246662624236827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864319449333167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17853860483507694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359853039804305,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HourMoon,2020/03/07,"sober 24 y/o with BPD struggling with obsessive thoughts, help? **My Background:** Five years ago, my partner of 2 yrs died of an overdose and suicide, a traumatic event that still plagues me and my daily life. A year and a half ago, I got sober from hard drugs and alcohol, a behavior that controlled my life from age 15 to 22. A year ago I ended my 4-year relationship because of my partner's inability to support themselves financially and their inability to show me affection that I can comprehend. I only noticed how much loss this was causing me once I was sober. **Now:** Fast forward to now, I have dated a few people since then but keep running into the same problem after a week to a month. Lately, this problem has been getting worse and has emerged after one date at times. The problem is as follows... I become obsessive about the person until they are all I can think about. It completely consumes my life. I end up just ruining things on purpose by being untrustworthy or overly needy (saying things I know will scare them so that they end things) so that I can be alone again and live my life normally. It is at the point where I am too afraid to try dating because of this. When the obsession begins, it engulfs me until I can hardly hear my own voice. I meditate daily, am medicated and see a therapist. I am just on here to gain support from people who are possibly in a similar position. TL;DR obsessive thoughts about people I date take over my life and I feel incapable of dating",3.121465821859392,5.725530848056541,4.268865602534421,81.8381272084806,77.97526501766785,7.295674424271962,28.133178993542096,8.326086129247049,2.342754453515292,1182,52,211,24,29,385,168,283,0.188,0.765,0.047,-0.9888,0,1,2,0,0,1,41.0,0,0,4,3,16,14,0,7,16,0,20,8,0,4,1,32,35,19,2,4,4,0,3,0,2,1,8,3,0,3,15,12,1,2,5,1,0,3,0,12,0,3,6,7,35,2,35,26,5,46,0,2,1,0,12,12,0,1,33,154,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653726962422307,0.10664486220752402,0.0,0.10335205444918244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166177364617732,0.110209905163065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568165846869125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251153032136576,0.0,0.0,0.10462762236948056,0.0,0.11192265576758932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356597412817406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572439353901524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651522170904075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05045668055014995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05213600979617311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981095468863232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878397603697552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247026642894092,0.0,0.06688694553746352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869768779683739,0.0,0.0,0.05484182013814668,0.0,0.11256715018682248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35242215025445883,0.0,0.0,0.08811615059520668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052764403583687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965120209548199,0.0,0.07335692582166102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777273779554628,0.0,0.11361125710966775,0.0,0.1062727945367943,0.06762009654543079,0.07589457841487983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075448805158554,0.08713253404228674,0.0,0.0,0.09433353986273584,0.11249791511192768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864558541405162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713681353685936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935679025235384,0.09990691772703963,0.0,0.07951948666293568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254708721040277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796921989363954,0.0,0.0,0.10432188154483696,0.0,0.10915375666100262,0.2264803823676924,0.0,0.0,0.07502945011789341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586355568970096,0.19888756668149896,0.06394122295547068,0.0,0.15844378140597845,0.05818818795736671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775066920533397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004529380004685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169424949586256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570452306233324 bpd,actual_sasquatch,2020/03/07,"Sister of someone w/ BPD...I need some perspective So about a year ago my sister who has BPD went on a rampage and burned, defaced, destroyed, or stole a large amount of my belongings. She told me we weren't sisters and never were and a few other hurtful things that I have forced myself to forget. She even cut my face out of family pictures and almost burned the house down. This all happened while I was overseas at our brother's wedding. She claims she blacked out and now my mom says she doesn't remember that anything happened at all. I have a hard time believing that, but I want to know how likely that actually is from someone with BPD. I just don't understand how she could forget it completely while I still have nightmares about her.",5.2846153846153845,6.554151902097902,5.170216783216784,83.46455594405596,68.44055944055944,7.957762237762238,30.38391608391609,8.238735603445708,2.1463096503496497,594,23,111,8,10,184,97,143,0.096,0.893,0.011000000000000001,-0.8126,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,0,0,0,9,4,2,0,6,0,11,1,1,2,3,27,19,12,0,3,3,5,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,9,9,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,5,3,21,1,15,13,5,15,0,1,1,0,18,6,0,3,9,83,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.15182025999593782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379092149790097,0.0,0.15578743094456493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802623571585958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528148379915606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5878296144216153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311904130021565,0.0,0.0,0.124215207109434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275683681173826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466637151253088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751516394895172,0.0,0.1393660207053454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951443803895845,0.1665479028389043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550079722257728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600683853969467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182209362313543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535803245460695,0.11999021795906124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17623789098963116,0.0,0.0,0.12372070829358868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636389934635253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424362510795935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033581396222257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090717931074491,0.0,0.0,0.1486600502156561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196066392567415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176307362234888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422101041925833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001861904163401 bpd,likeagh0st1,2020/03/07,"Looking for advice My partner of 2 years suffers from bpd, we live together and are very happy but the last 2 weeks she has asked me to move out. To continue our relationship with each other in sepetate places. This to me is backwards, a goal we achieved together having our own places, this is backward steps. She says she still loves me so much, what could have caused this, what can I do to possibly make this situation dissolve? I'm at a loss, i don't know what to do. Of course I want her to be happy and mentally healthy but this is such a big deal to me",3.1459193706981345,4.685647938053101,3.92613569321534,89.27695181907573,74.04424778761063,7.500098328416913,26.714847590953788,8.167268648758528,1.510306588003933,439,16,95,7,9,140,78,113,0.042,0.8059999999999999,0.152,0.9329,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,4,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,4,0,13,1,0,2,0,14,20,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,9,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,2,16,3,15,18,3,15,0,2,1,1,14,8,0,0,5,67,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18300866597170906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508230112156986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358736575608153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19238900801965805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495285088064407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19307831901122047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987278659653121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292464995200136,0.15265887783019627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537240981943765,0.0,0.15726873481974862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902826692026152,0.0,0.12501141265801854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18873503432160266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990498906776781,0.13767296367498974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39133722700547396,0.0,0.0,0.21113100374965804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20106953056038265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893323812855375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21051150704395147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495627179909813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545263037913213,0.11046308967755486,0.0,0.15022539047613276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060271849609698 bpd,my_spotify_acc_2019,2020/03/07,"Learning about my BPD - shame after irrational anger guilt and avoidance When I was younger, I would often become very angry at many things. People being late - even by just a few minutes - was one thing that used to really set me off. Sudden changes of plans was another. And people not responding/not responding quickly enough was yet another. I used to get really angry during break ups, also. I would say really nasty things in a fit of anger, usually in a text message. Really horrible things. This caused a couple of people to stop talking to me, but at the same time those situations were deeply unhealthy anyway. I would often feel extreme guilt afterwards and would try to apologise, but it was often too late. I felt extreme shame, too - why couldn't I control myself? Why did I say such nasty things? How embarrassing! Further reinforced by the person not wanting anything to do with me, I'd then self-blame. I have since worked very hard, without any therapy, to calm those down. I still feel it inside, but I just wait for it to pass, and don't act out. I do feel guilt still over those incidences, but I have made my peace with my past as best as I could. While I felt guilt and shame and wanted to work to get that person's trust again, I understand that there is an opposite side to this - those that never apologise, instead, shutting the person out and cutting them off? I've seen a few comments on here that have mentioned that. I've never experienced that side of it, so I'm curious to hear from people who have done that after a rage, and what it feels like?",5.609615384615381,6.6441101872909725,5.750198996655519,80.46409448160537,67.5284280936455,9.056923076923075,28.32792642140469,9.255337874911486,2.3218975250836125,1242,40,231,23,20,393,165,299,0.18899999999999997,0.7120000000000001,0.099,-0.9743,0,1,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,1,5,23,17,4,9,10,0,23,0,0,6,2,52,41,20,0,8,9,0,7,1,0,4,0,3,0,3,26,12,0,4,8,0,0,2,7,13,0,1,12,12,24,4,40,22,5,41,0,0,1,0,13,17,0,3,21,169,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699284075364099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547179637838269,0.2019100741120304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922793091074361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633060148593154,0.0,0.0,0.10103697985970704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125776100571414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890320350232114,0.10184850997604422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798306458990577,0.07686950875265659,0.10652888877641052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852500066328394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948008243506633,0.0,0.06359018151244793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472257721092628,0.06878044975364532,0.18488241743490166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006017249085043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624545897181721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851139977824906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172097466051236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0470361759751482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109981298431848,0.0,0.09760996784481793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850982137011964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523992128996091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919074798376028,0.2669859476837967,0.25219660809983296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467105543812006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312698485750198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004381151781608,0.0,0.0,0.07964149339396523,0.10821960482597248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537741899715065,0.08049204884608653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738396513550087,0.0,0.0,0.1101013669787711,0.0,0.3198114628327806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05614000861110234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536589789292215,0.0,0.0,0.10022795890242596,0.0,0.16630517477189302,0.10603573206600043,0.15887754324065062,0.11357357211133436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737503931399222,0.0,0.0,0.09280778357022523,0.0,0.1401818941406028,0.0,0.0,0.27357023758118804,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gatorsthatsnecessary,2020/03/07,"Stupid question and yes I know mania is harmful as well, bus is there any way to keep it and get rid of the depression? Within any given werk of my life I swing from suicidal depression to mania, like right now, and fucking hell if depression is hating myself more than I could ever hate anyone else then mania is loving myself just as much. Every time I swing over I feel like I'm on coke, the haze of passion and productivity, I feel unstoppable. And I know it's bad for me in a sense but if I could live 10 years like this and then die I'd take it. Is there any way whatsoever to deal with the depression and just let manic phases happen? Can I prolong them or something?",2.6264460784313712,4.545913066176472,4.100588235294119,85.84931372549022,76.42647058823529,6.886274509803924,21.62745098039216,7.793537801064563,0.920595098039216,531,14,107,8,12,176,88,136,0.223,0.6809999999999999,0.096,-0.9658,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,7,17,5,0,4,1,9,5,0,0,1,23,23,15,2,4,6,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,8,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,11,1,0,1,2,14,6,16,19,2,13,1,4,0,3,4,5,2,4,9,69,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29212291274741764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012197686391447,0.14671536879672134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955790721366773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22865158272133398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14762289674217832,0.4933183318483173,0.0,0.1486089093734764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196171096424594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295238109069734,0.12064399116245295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480262132973734,0.10229516847219793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323771114781146,0.0748110141396955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662269645096816,0.0,0.0,0.28274152403398445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727410482446555,0.0,0.0,0.15738727216913634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642176821959416,0.10113953318983558,0.2098666218191189,0.0,0.12643964534081806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923482305969866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526133542524577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16040589023985968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228372131930232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023487731478693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566269314604614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766127434008788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349540689938546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22731556711973774,0.0,0.0,0.1287452630008996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922098490941424 bpd,nuclearrwessels,2020/03/07,"Have a hard time really connecting with people? 26 yo female. I have a very hard time connecting with people in general and especially men. Theres only been two men I’ve ever felt a connection with (not romantic) and one was gay and the other was my ex best friends husband -.- I had a great connection with my ex best friend, unlike any other pretty much. She was my fp I guess. I’m scared that I’ll never be able to have a romantic relationship because I’ll never be able to find a connection like that in a relationship, if that makes sense. It seems I’m only able to really connect and be myself with a few other females and a gay guy lol I’m definitely not a lesbian or this would be so much easier :(",2.0502313883299834,4.263248007042254,4.5699396378269626,80.36394366197185,79.49295774647888,8.282494969818911,22.818913480885314,9.04235418022936,2.021942052313883,555,18,108,15,14,195,79,142,0.057999999999999996,0.7090000000000001,0.233,0.9816,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,3,7,0,1,11,1,13,3,0,1,3,24,20,8,0,2,4,3,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,8,10,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,6,3,8,6,10,9,5,7,0,0,0,3,11,2,0,4,6,71,16,0,0.4313955618217728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778792507431933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765824347257056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301815351427222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300739945099365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806913040232816,0.0,0.13142924270518067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221967606270279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853837662287468,0.15841028243745625,0.14238314337238925,0.0,0.0,0.25763045911234483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025269362486845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598662911915667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21141691663235107,0.0,0.22181256797983326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744159909844193,0.21873050946265465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19938357653357075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462947919589138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842420289451403,0.0,0.0,0.3087715920763085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396740498260993,0.0,0.0,0.13090877246611546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770014752632414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047025989102718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864883930035568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215034325828357,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,oh_ms_believerr,2020/03/07,"Has anyone used CBD Oil to help their BPD? I was diagnosed with BPD years ago, and unfortunately for me I live in a small area with not a lot of options for help when things get bad (We have one psychiatrist and two therapists 45 minutes away, but it takes a loong time to get an appointment with them). I was taking effexor back when I first was diagnosed, but they didn't really do much for me so I stopped taking them after a couple of years. I now have a 10 month old baby, and I'm finding my BPD is starting to get bad again. I was reading about CBD Oil and how it can help with some of the symptoms of BPD, but before I ordered some I wanted to hear some peoples experiences with it and how it helped (if it actually helped at all).",5.974122516556292,5.060758490066228,6.7752235099337765,80.10601407284769,66.74834437086092,10.199006622516556,30.795529801324506,9.516144504307137,2.401496026490066,576,18,125,10,8,192,92,151,0.081,0.87,0.049,-0.6895,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,4,1,9,2,0,0,7,0,11,3,0,3,1,28,22,14,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,11,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,3,5,3,17,0,21,17,6,21,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,6,15,89,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.11287069712452955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252853759434956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808744693507731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866947867356172,0.08893793898397302,0.1931480501176414,0.0,0.0,0.09842095012915553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5826955143930188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797924258300056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347916316022699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314090240562155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057141616781614,0.09838314472679033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18128790280573293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036094635689693,0.0,0.3876333628450566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213281381506686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983328023342386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232134334981552,0.0,0.0850258346101303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136917771684623,0.0,0.07837644613366727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801863695316306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569460111168307,0.0,0.07409687233574584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186707974924311,0.0,0.0,0.09669969867889146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021845640498235,0.260893223584185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342940071856881,0.0768415577273232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744420094094683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298623852230455,0.0,0.0,0.09989595568584113,0.0,0.0,0.06822121165067938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896674732141454 bpd,Igv0fk,2020/03/07,"I am afraid I can't stop being toxic This is me a 21 y/o female who has been only recently diagnosed with BPD and suspected bipolar. I have been going to therapy for quite 6 months now, including one month of hospitalization, and I had enough time reflecting on how toxic I have been almost to anyone who loved, or attempted to love me. And truth to be told, I stink, like every time I take to someone I don't realize I am manipulating them until I actually do it. I am even mentioning suicide now still threatened by the fear that I might be doing this to grab people's pity or sympathy, and it sucks. I honestly want to die and I know I deserve it. Actually I deserve worse if there could be any, During the past 6 months I knew people to whom I was attracted yet kept the f*ck manipulating their emotions. No one deserves that, and they all end up hating me or thinking I am just another crazy fellow. I wont also be able to keep me locked up in my room for how long it takes for the therapy to have effect and I can't just stand harming others till then. I don't even know why exactly I am writing this now. Maybe I am waiting for someone to say that there's something I've probably missed. There still is some hope for me before I get along with just leaving. To whoever got this far reading, thank you. Wish you a day way better than mine.",5.425147058823531,5.372892985294119,6.701029411764708,77.29838235294119,67.67647058823529,10.03529411764706,30.970588235294123,9.827888789773867,2.7837602941176463,1060,38,213,22,16,361,163,272,0.13,0.72,0.149,0.5318,0,0,1,0,0,2,24.0,0,2,3,4,17,17,2,2,6,0,31,4,0,5,3,44,53,17,2,5,7,0,1,1,1,2,2,1,1,0,15,10,0,4,8,1,0,1,6,8,0,2,9,3,37,9,29,36,3,29,0,2,0,2,15,6,1,8,21,153,52,1,0.11680354143968748,0.0,0.2279668146634385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696187451524287,0.0,0.0,0.09340774988936087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943041354309202,0.12247869748790224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167175199224001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939121077784444,0.0,0.0,0.10330324046428972,0.0,0.0,0.14710997154147762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325812344892123,0.0,0.0,0.07532862131270789,0.0,0.0,0.118553135866051,0.12122363511344385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313882627927749,0.103453268587706,0.12068928186194047,0.0,0.15429527504095636,0.0,0.09841202135837072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143645743714544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06102502951384784,0.0,0.06638214433884318,0.0,0.09341846229589404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531931525981612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601227177915678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382035443014227,0.0,0.0,0.12838434339749535,0.0,0.0,0.12367808528463975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05706431037266067,0.0,0.0,0.10336745858102787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21083951292809225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734485683919132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391009915691238,0.0,0.0,0.27969441721911564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582982051578887,0.08883435663404067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115021969003826,0.16195373739371166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593397316611946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423494395321327,0.116835150136836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532940588745727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288686430371187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19793452324005711,0.08992107270499898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18655891815003964,0.09765299075994822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277641163531082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564345356511354,0.0,0.0,0.10753700790695674,0.2671500583317142,0.0,0.0,0.07484299303426054,0.0,0.0,0.13621816864536013,0.0,0.0,0.1116107893514235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889375501653462,0.09271321443748788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539702852063214,0.0,0.1343183082250956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190327875327571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,stillagoof,2020/03/07,"Basically it's complicated My emotions sometimes get insanely intense. I get high on them, my brain goes into this euphoric state. I feel amazing. I have so much energy and ideas. I start so many things that end up unfinished. I became obsessive with things or even with people. I idealise them. I think I'm everything and I can do everything. I create reality in my head and I live in it because the loneliness of the real world scares me. And then, after all of this always follows a crash, sometimes because something bad trigges me, sometimes there's nothing to trigger me, it doesn't matter what's the cause. It happens anyway. My mind turns in self-destructive mode. I get sad and hopeless, I cry a lot. (I can't cry anymore, maybe it's because of my meds, idk.) I can't concentrate, I forget things. (Worse is when I dissociate, then I'm totally useless.) I get paranoid. I think I'm being watched. My panic attacks start. I think everyone hates me, that I'm the worst person in the world. I get irritated by everything and I argue over stupid things. I suddenly think they are bad people, it's irrational. I push away people I care about. I start ignoring everyone in my life. I became so lonely and desperate to be understood, but no one can see what's going on inside my head. I'm the cause of my own suffering. I harm myself because I think I deserve it. I hate myself for that. I hate that I don't want to live anymore. I'm just soo tired. And in the end I go numb. I can't feel a damn thing. I don't want to feel nothing. Anyway, it all goes back to the start and the cycle begins again. I'm not a bad person, at least I hope. I'm sorry for all of this, I know it's long, but I needed to let it all out.",0.9087390173613556,3.3076765590778123,3.115342658325724,87.80140648063544,86.0028818443804,6.1519364588458565,22.87263653616364,7.499876790926021,1.2029071343220643,1334,50,270,24,41,453,166,347,0.23800000000000002,0.6990000000000001,0.063,-0.9943,0,2,1,0,0,2,58.0,0,0,3,0,13,25,7,3,13,0,15,6,3,3,5,47,57,18,0,4,5,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,24,13,0,1,11,0,0,4,8,22,0,1,1,5,56,3,32,53,10,37,0,5,2,0,6,17,1,3,15,178,80,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841130151114573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307475146872236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935339408621382,0.07724577127685026,0.06321995629727697,0.2059437978916173,0.20047538218001998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178159253864936,0.0,0.0,0.08382592080570403,0.16891943626271666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18062347990410366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248329039503003,0.14564008196382036,0.0,0.0,0.05430368902395783,0.0,0.0,0.1571241269714671,0.22167456953915526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471446881389832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21477548321024084,0.0,0.09345186550821236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270440356511661,0.0,0.0,0.2435174077493641,0.1687571456366891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686699196872033,0.0,0.08166023655599249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928132178389214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04518442614365225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407266331970413,0.058072443910312,0.0,0.0,0.14519859802620344,0.072759639911086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989812825862307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335534218354003,0.08259823397268433,0.0,0.09132478110486164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301594037026375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06043910629816364,0.06096301633250559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577792527565962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557125064501352,0.0,0.0,0.09646417632324443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709971751765187,0.14357778568346466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358117984087534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231376591633885,0.0,0.06551646832748574,0.0,0.08577047655886373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329482179641346,0.2439447564830798,0.09203543067469733,0.2327750457480472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27310729126584976,0.26340732846653314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449658343100466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942871064871084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698767631393937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378635672567282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mehontoast,2020/03/07,Is this a violation? My SOwBPD cheated on me in our bed. I'm angry because to me he violated my sanctuary. He is telling me that's bullshit because a bed is just a bed. Am I wrong?,-0.7430769230769272,1.3623469999999998,3.185333333333337,86.11800000000002,91.82051282051279,6.196923076923077,28.312820512820515,7.554174236665415,1.9789035897435896,139,8,31,3,5,52,27,39,0.431,0.569,0.0,-0.966,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,0,3,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6567893775101914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4708592567444069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5889985347417089,0.0,0.0 bpd,ElvhenPhoenix,2020/03/07,"Newly Sort-Of Diagnosed, Needing Advice I had an appointment with a psychiatric yesterday after being referred by my GP and shes said that although I'm not currently severe enough to be diagnosed I am showing ""significant traits"" of BPD. It kind of hit me when I got home and although I'm feeling better having slept on it, I wondered if anyone had any advice for a newbie? I'm already putting the plan we agreed on in place - upping my therapy to once a week/changing from CBT to CAT, gonna up my meds that I'm already on for depression and anxiety. Just kind of want to know if theres anything else I can be doing on my own time for now?",5.143895348837209,5.473507759689928,6.523556201550387,77.01231104651166,68.30232558139535,9.550775193798447,33.179263565891475,9.516144504307137,3.0995496124031003,507,22,96,10,8,173,89,129,0.045,0.858,0.098,0.5348,1,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,1,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,5,0,10,3,1,0,0,15,24,8,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,4,5,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,2,12,3,21,14,2,15,0,1,0,0,3,8,0,3,6,65,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146603809421348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553414525819821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948750692102682,0.0,0.12316679344821617,0.0,0.0,0.11257698547234167,0.0,0.1324916851799226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239399936099253,0.0,0.0,0.2027775421131541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703197415945695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867157945056516,0.3268291503128541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449728057972513,0.0,0.0,0.1663590556026026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140791416829353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876874336836322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149905657179134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353195316717731,0.08848299448081644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178837949092742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938162544177447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146285569612904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821378412951335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185240434194534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531506466312503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18188747243197775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18412087106079333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388209765669496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949636939142484,0.0,0.12914683122630993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460079928672365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,I_dont_wannaDIE,2020/03/07,"A letter I’d send to my ex with bpd if I knew how to stop being a pos. The worst thing I did Was make you feel bad for being yourself. Sure, you could be mean or hurtful like any person. But, what resonated with me was how easy it was for you to let go. Let go of a good feeling, a good day, a good memory. Me.. And that’s where I realized I was a problem. Because I included myself in any way that was about how I felt, knowing how you felt. I don’t think my feelings aren’t important. But your feelings were so much stronger I could see why you always thought I was thinking of myself. But I rarely think of myself, what I do, what I say...or how it affects you. Which is ironic, cause I always think about you. But, maybe I’ve been thinking of you in all the wrong ways. The amount of times you abandoned me, probably don’t come close to surmounting to the one time I abandoned you.. I’ll never know how that made you feel. I’d never want to know. It was one of the lowest points of my life. Up until that point I used to ask for advice from out side sources all the time. What I was doing wrong, how I could do more, why you weren’t willing.. but I think you were willing. You were just struggling, as was I. I stopped asking for advice because I know there’s no answer when it comes to you. There never will be. I have to accept that...and the answers I got weren’t the answers I wanted. The amount of times I’d been told to move on, or give up on you.. it made me distance myself from those people. Most of them aren’t even in my life anymore because I didn’t agree. I could never agree with anything any one outside of us thought. The outside thoughts don’t mean anything to me. But they did to you. I often wondered why you sought approval from strangers. People from Facebook, that were in your life as much as a bus driver on a Saturday route. I couldn’t even make an educated guess really. But that wasn’t the point.. maybe it would’ve helped had I played along to your every whim, but sometimes I thought I’d make you capable of understanding that no ones opinion of you, even if for a mere second, a one time glance, matters. You thought it mattered. I should of been more aware to the little things.. and how they were actually really big things. But even if you told me, no matter how ridiculous or insignificant, I should have just listened. Because it wasn’t ridiculous. It was very significant. But I didn’t want to just be a lapdog that made you feel better when you were down. Who listened, and obeyed. I wanted you to believe you could be or do whatever you wanted, and not have to worry about being judged. Yet the whole time, you felt like I was one of your judges. I don’t judge you, not based on your weight or looks, how well you do at something or how you think. Even if ever I seemed disappointed in you.. I was only ever disappointed with myself. With my growth. I never thought I was enough. Until I wasn’t. Then I thought I wasn’t anything. Even now, I don’t understand how I feel. Or how heavy I weigh upon you in any given moment. I used to think I was enough when we would laugh, and talk, cuddle and share stories. But then one day I woke up and everything about me sickened you. I could see it in your face. Even when you were holding it back. I’d drifted into the black, without knowing I was ever in the white. There’s this loneliness, inside me. That always wants company. Even if it’s in silence. A neediness. I always thought that was what drove you away time and time again. But it wasn’t, it wasn’t my looks, my need to feel loved, or even as I thought, my hygiene. (Which has improved significantly in the area I deemed the worst). It was my lack of care. I thought you were the only thing I cared for, in a long time. But, if you were a flower, I would’ve had you dead forever ago. Because I never even knew how to feed you from the start. So just like a flower, our love dwindled, because it wasn’t getting proper nourishment. Though you told me time and time again how to do it. I neglected you in that regard. I still don’t know how to nourish you. And yet, without me you continue to bloom. The only difference is I can no longer gaze at your beauty. You found out how to grow on your own. While the whole time I was just a weed, sucking away what I could just to hold on. How I wish I could grow, into something so marvellous you might cast your gaze towards me again one day. But growth isn’t something I’ve ever learned. It’s something I was always given. I’ve never taken anything in life except time. Time from those around me. Maybe it was more than the neglect that drove you from me. Maybe you started to see how weak my roots truly were. How feeble I was under pressure, without reassurance, without guidance, lust, and security. Maybe all you ever saw were my faults, thinking you could repair them, to distract yourself from the repairs you needed to make on yourself. I was just a distraction. Had I known how awful your reality felt to you, maybe I would’ve found strength in myself. In hopes of being able to give strength back to you. But I am not strong. I think I may never be. I think you realized this. But still, you keep me, distant, retained, behind screens and texts. Perhaps this is the only way I cannot not seep my tendrils back in. Maybe you long for a day where I could be a supporting fixture to your beautiful calamity. Maybe you’re more patient then I give you credit. Or maybe youve truly tossed me to the wind. The romance, was there ever any? You love me, as I love you, but not romantically. My soul which once spoke to yours, is but a decrepit scraping of nails on a chalk board. I’ve lost the ability to arouse you in the slightest. Not even sexually, or Mentally perhaps. Maybe you never connected to me the way I thought I did to you, I thought you were brilliant. You thought I was less than average. I hide my intelligence in most relationships. Because with it comes my brutal honesty and logic. Some people don’t want the truth. Maybe you didn’t want the truth. I don’t claim to be a genius, there is a great deal I do not know. But of what I do know, I know more than an average person. So how I could I not know? That I was failing you from the start. Failing myself. The reality is, I did know. But I gave up before I even tried. Coasting. Taking life as it were. Seconds passing. I never cared to think about the future if not immediate, and looked to the past too much. All so the now would be comfortable. But life isn’t easy, and if you want to get everything out if it, it will not be comfortable. My only ambition that drives me to build more of myself, is the hope I’ll be able to cradle you again, wipe your tears, hear you laugh. But maybe that time has passed. Maybe it’s too late for me. I’d like to think it hasn’t, that maybe I could become a person so respectable, and full of wonderment again, that you’d be enthralled to have me clasp you’re hand. But I’m afraid. I’m afraid if I move forward it will take so much more time to take the steps I need to succeed that you’ll have forgotten me. That I’ll make myself everything I’ve ever wanted to be, but have nothing of you but memories. Would I then even want to step forward? If you forget me anyways, like I asked you to, why shouldn’t I just be comfortable. Sleeping away my days, wasting into nothingness. The only other thing in this world I long for that isn’t you..",2.0655655969069464,4.121826799331103,3.068183306055648,91.95004364429896,78.66555183946487,5.819730069498802,22.576081026589808,6.824499411228862,0.5283762660404658,5775,179,1228,59,141,1840,444,1495,0.098,0.753,0.149,0.9984,7,0,4,0,0,1,225.0,3,88,4,9,94,70,4,7,65,1,147,21,4,36,24,293,289,109,1,49,69,1,14,5,0,14,8,4,0,3,69,35,3,11,69,1,1,22,58,29,1,10,98,29,244,41,165,144,30,163,1,10,11,7,126,61,1,34,85,906,313,6,0.05486129083041537,0.0,0.026768353007070773,0.0,0.0,0.05360981845876256,0.024315612090144743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412247204320727,0.0,0.0,0.09326889759626528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0272038294175856,0.0,0.0,0.09029233573701634,0.024419090054081397,0.07693185179482764,0.0,0.07731598298765377,0.06327741939480559,0.022903443142873976,0.11705026790145352,0.03029499274473893,0.0233414588858421,0.030904944004604574,0.0,0.024260176741995945,0.0,0.0,0.034547937645188945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390211347246314,0.028178828960453962,0.0,0.07088721644959581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26281365974533594,0.0,0.0,0.0884524850606651,0.028279790947480864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02865918614362529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056686378775259914,0.0,0.2355298736981628,0.17368812448499985,0.02311150183634822,0.0,0.07395868608288543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095806816483368,0.0,0.1053508851929367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060152573713936563,0.0,0.0,0.028662760142616144,0.07894192376928118,0.031178935857868368,0.06902257180835827,0.021938792975689018,0.0302423834089517,0.030217948483160218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030916330981523375,0.0,0.01838618340862432,0.0,0.0,0.05448964049827134,0.0,0.0,0.02936507325108257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02438161800706133,0.0,0.0,0.16582681881530695,0.0,0.030942962823169207,0.0,0.0,0.056099386840273685,0.11625045646393188,0.06700613887225647,0.02749271299515521,0.0,0.0728257740011619,0.0691045006925739,0.0,0.0299437898116583,0.0,0.0990289138045003,0.0778666198113858,0.09155084408551792,0.0,0.3858087834847663,0.059760028852839125,0.0,0.0,0.027643638821872967,0.029099579956585114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058308869947811474,0.08065872236276472,0.0610184280087915,0.2115620478985779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026320444084489726,0.0,0.0,0.02921274212777643,0.14870172195222314,0.1251734514629281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02618565489104101,0.05705086707163525,0.07185414458172781,0.0,0.0,0.07779247885656139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029574875222698936,0.02624742307277138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03514554770960211,0.0,0.0,0.0294502475434608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02181395021966253,0.0,0.0,0.06557601881485922,0.024971829363012798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027450455499271897,0.0,0.0,0.08446980392284026,0.027129609715427497,0.0,0.058246656028923385,0.0,0.043812297724388084,0.04586649566021685,0.0,0.028676466419621918,0.0,0.0,0.031127971349322787,0.0258530586754792,0.0,0.06187329469888055,0.022047713730363003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911185097310423,0.2284938497549289,0.026950469847447683,0.2830992895490354,0.2559204789282343,0.0,0.0,0.07863347162614577,0.0,0.0186236076420712,0.0,0.0,0.05711253854179935,0.032995688988206893,0.04738254079935435,0.0,0.0226331552371322,0.17797235906346365,0.08709267815657931,0.0,0.033403136256822716,0.024663444516352055,0.0,0.09900756369305258,0.061250672002514,0.031543888483857856,0.10576865326158344,0.05949472967959976,0.0,0.02785715193435808,0.0,0.11691566087578953,0.059982209253342585,0.0,0.0 bpd,bitter-putz,2020/03/07,"While BPD splitting, I acted out of anger and am ashamed now. I don't know if I will ever get better at dealing with the fallout from these random rage episodes. I feel awful. I keep doing this. I'll be fine and then something happens and I'm not fine, and I blow up, say something horrible about someone's vulnerable points, ruin trust, betray people, and then my rage episode is done and I'm left realizing what I just did. I sometimes wonder if I'm actually a narcissist who was misdiagnosed, but my therapist says I'm not. But I just feel like people compliment me so often because they're afraid of me. I am really evil and vindictive when I'm angry. I don't like it. I am so nice otherwise. It's really fucked up. I don't want to be like this anymore.",2.4433053221288543,4.473241607843138,4.405476190476191,82.94250000000002,77.36601307189542,7.508683473389356,25.96125116713352,8.418075326091056,1.8976819794584487,598,23,118,12,14,204,97,153,0.228,0.62,0.152,-0.9159,0,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,9,17,5,2,2,1,14,1,0,0,1,27,28,17,0,3,8,0,2,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,7,9,0,1,5,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,3,4,17,9,10,22,0,13,0,1,0,1,4,6,1,5,9,74,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.17999416711807448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18292237169567696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243749275926407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312883746188622,0.0,0.0,0.23230518741479456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19015728821719144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18875384597484327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16684333653635164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18652441055193314,0.13176934109596078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051875485593912,0.0963662134501246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310632778001266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394542559315586,0.0,0.0,0.10136753015981496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004027640121561,0.0,0.0,0.27033521610217953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557453646652694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436251975281594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363236014642885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933601331621825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562817803420453,0.2839934156521058,0.18242330798898684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141577804349668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879192282565693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000254612931523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpd-dreamer,2020/03/07,TW. Suicide Has anyone else just come to accept death as an option rather than something to be feared? Like another choice you can just pick up rather than a mind boggling crazy concept?,5.016078431372552,7.529072764705883,3.753529411764706,88.33754901960786,71.35294117647058,5.7098039215686285,26.03921568627451,6.42735559955562,0.99581568627451,150,5,26,1,3,43,30,34,0.309,0.581,0.11,-0.8823,0,0,1,0,0,1,3.0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,9,4,1,2,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,16,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619743251278826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24137321767585704,0.3537001741096077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29736089873735955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883719194111544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884481461170808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864822748520936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485555459993888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657533128190091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3775948858130586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CryWitch,2020/03/07,"Finding out about things that really hurt! My ex-FP (aka my abuser) apparently has been telling other people to avoid me and not be friends with me since our falling out two years ago. I've been in agony because of this narcissistic POS and I'm absolutely crushed by finding out about what has been going on behind the scenes from a friend who didn't listen to my ex-FP. I've been doing so much better for myself since cutting her out of my life but damn this still really hurts. I've spent so much time crying and hating myself because of this awful person, it makes me sick.",7.075263157894735,6.367685298245611,7.0357894736842095,78.4605263157895,64.43859649122807,9.35438596491228,29.52631578947368,8.344100000000001,1.9628526315789467,460,12,89,5,6,147,80,114,0.29,0.679,0.031,-0.9869,1,1,0,0,1,0,10.0,1,0,0,1,5,9,3,1,2,1,9,2,0,1,0,14,15,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,9,8,0,1,2,0,1,2,2,6,0,1,6,1,11,3,18,8,2,12,0,2,0,0,8,6,1,0,4,60,20,0,0.0,0.21794107395987505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630533965757068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242585507929564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268166331345088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20205154070289608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362391297528383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842261124288843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453842112619577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816045453590612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938272182113055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992360429209598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278264706786407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704369233221185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752215351921387,0.16061097274538316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356757834151673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043172821698603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689623952840958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077332880328254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220282547264966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725800153577844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17968450920722015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845255329639234 bpd,elacmch,2020/03/07,"Was doing great for a few months. Relapsed last night. Currently using substances to ease the emotional pain of the fallout from last night Hey all. Sorry if this is triggering for anyone. Made a huge fuckup last night. Got drunk and ruined another friendship of mine for absolutely no reason. Just hoping that I'm not the only one who's gotten drunk and lashed out at a close friend for NO reason, right? Usually it happens when I'm sober and dissociating but last night I just became a dick for no reason because I was drunk. Ahhhh fuck.",2.9240759075907583,5.833337306930691,3.9321039603960384,81.86238036303631,81.87128712871288,6.534983498349835,21.287953795379536,7.793537801064563,1.338504290429043,432,13,74,8,12,139,71,101,0.243,0.642,0.115,-0.9413,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,7,0,4,6,1,6,1,18,13,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,3,0,3,3,0,0,4,3,0,1,5,0,3,3,11,8,2,17,0,1,0,2,3,5,2,2,12,44,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802649809169952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870764213196513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605443593698303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879450737535372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906570874173943,0.13050713694961416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290459577379612,0.1556377362149119,0.0,0.0,0.12483400946082715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402112422760482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4602816198562372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335761610923396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267860171040192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5299047784716501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565879391409343,0.10736429266864994,0.15021223973984507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43543129756404253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055632719833945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580255288565345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219234490615473,0.15547612628392926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,frozen-black-dog,2020/03/07,"Hello, everyone!! I'm new here. ;) Pretty sure not all of you are going to hate a self-aware pwNPD who comes in peace. <3",-1.5972000000000008,-0.08040831999999476,0.9920000000000008,96.85600000000002,112.2,3.6,9.0,5.6839178017228535,-1.3622,92,1,20,1,5,31,25,25,0.111,0.542,0.34600000000000003,0.7772,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32799981083618684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363842242798568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164004790072288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3759317405238966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677502310302983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873801818530401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3972263605670946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588714064315203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MCersandyoutube,2020/03/07,"It never ends I feel like I'm trapped in a box floating in space. There is no exit, no light. There is no up, no down, no left or right. Always spinning, always changing orientation, and yet always the same. Frustration, stress, high highs, low lows. Sometimes I don't even know how to describe it, just that it's unpleasant. It's all so tiring. It hate it. Often, I hate most everyone. It might be something just one person said, and the amount of hurt and anger it causes me is as if all humankind agrees with them. Just one foul word, even when it wasn't intended to seem negative, can cause me to ruminate, to question everything. Where is my foundation? Always spinning.",2.848233173076924,5.356750578125002,3.5531250000000014,87.12552884615386,78.375,6.750961538461539,24.68990384615385,7.882392219407189,1.5023706730769233,526,19,100,9,13,166,89,128,0.319,0.669,0.012,-0.9919,0,1,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,0,13,9,4,1,3,0,9,1,0,4,3,25,16,9,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,10,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,9,8,0,2,2,3,7,1,11,12,5,17,0,3,0,0,4,13,0,7,5,71,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4966709058899467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065917749618965,0.1578609910752132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321696668624842,0.0,0.0,0.1971243188254568,0.0,0.0,0.1425915396218768,0.1341144260692056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754529914832988,0.1066068611829786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29465894483126953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153302644447561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974918515191688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201053542750128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162134146426145,0.0,0.0,0.07290413337977653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830487281880518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509204990531627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022383760925814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029811468624974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716692224208435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743792202823287,0.14194780143906574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584946165073636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488122497803112,0.14758802092786524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093752119706654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715129761437716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hamsalad-,2020/03/07,"Looking for video? suggestions please I have been talking to a girl for a couple months, we are in a LDR type relationship, she is most effectively my FP. We met in an online game and I'm finding myself so jealous of the friends she already has on this game. I just got out of a 7 year long relationship, and really she is showing me so many new things. I explained to her a bit about bpd and just finally really opened myself up to her. I want to talk about my feelings and it's really hard. If there are any YouTube (or whatever) videos about being the FP to a person with BPD I really want to send them to her because I know she wants to help work through this I just have a hard time explaining.",2.6632863849765265,4.390118450704228,4.148943661971831,86.39318075117373,75.76056338028171,7.8319248826291075,25.21361502347418,8.59863814320734,1.6666319248826291,548,19,116,11,12,182,89,142,0.053,0.846,0.10099999999999999,0.6849,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,2,0,1,2,9,2,1,0,10,0,9,0,0,1,0,24,20,8,0,4,5,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,9,0,0,6,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,4,22,1,22,16,2,13,0,0,1,0,25,6,0,3,6,80,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683375799419905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373606465018513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299022558338646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665400063127288,0.0,0.3842510403205829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878852123371485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713150919848909,0.0,0.0,0.16710596755544213,0.1394236804577622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785615405966073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200444655862612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733013298116665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224792829670944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383493143674063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13499782876327984,0.12809966909681186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465703547116655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176023789341656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732924341831555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319671008263206,0.0,0.16744897876498666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39089781302566173,0.0,0.0,0.32755322104876444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452203377402516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134434800767304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889504165898544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699255879051431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105482694649567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982341998823404 bpd,pizza4life100,2020/03/07,"All it would take is just a big hug... At what point am I being unreasonable and uncompromising, and at what point is my partner being selfish/unwilling to listen/understand. So many fights end up with him being really angry because I didn't give him space when he asked for it... I try but sometimes I'm just physically unable to. It's so hard because when I feel like he's mad at me that's the time I need some reassurance the most that he still loves me and cares how I feel... his idea of a compromise is sleeping it off and talking the next day, but that leaves me crying all night and him sleeping peacefully until the morning. I'm distressed all night because I didn't get what I wanted which is to immediately sort an issue out and feel better, and I get even more distressed realizing that he's just sleeping peacefully knowing that I'm crying my eyes out. Like sometimes I wish he could understand that it would be SO easy for me to give him space after a fight if he would just give me a hug before going to sleep, like just a long hug initiated by him, and him telling me he really cares that I'm sad and wants me to feel better. But right now whenever he wants to take space during a disagreement and I ask for a hug before it, he always reacts like he's doing me a favor by hugging me, or a very ""get this over with"" kind of thing, and if he offers any words of affirmation it's just a very half hearted ""love you now can I go to bed?"" sort of thing. I just really really need to know if I'm asking for too much by wanting him to INITIATE some care - hugs, words of affirmation, before he sleeps or takes space when he wants to talk it out in the morning, because me asking and then being dissatisfied with his half hearted response just makes things so much worse. I feel like begging and pleading, and then do so, which makes him feel nagged and then repulsed by my lack of giving him space.",8.32471820141669,6.001689303664925,8.402325223283032,74.84463042808748,63.031413612565444,11.396612257468432,34.250692947336,9.773937934552695,2.9555902063443167,1502,45,306,23,17,493,165,382,0.12300000000000001,0.6659999999999999,0.21100000000000002,0.9927,0,0,0,0,2,0,38.0,0,1,0,2,22,28,4,2,16,0,19,16,8,4,3,75,64,36,0,16,16,0,7,5,1,3,0,0,1,1,24,21,0,0,11,0,0,2,2,7,0,2,2,8,39,21,40,53,10,39,0,1,1,8,43,19,0,10,23,198,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608058679038342,0.0,0.0,0.04969482491255155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732682958393776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17818809666737495,0.0,0.18654927994697734,0.0,0.0,0.12926122926420427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22352043104742592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058345990027522776,0.0,0.1605431736683215,0.047128580603549936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472447819131785,0.0,0.0,0.04826662946828608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22169937857882294,0.10441236064946316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453905456486332,0.28040823762107714,0.08306261778302004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546258419941918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319305079776293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824949699681386,0.0,0.07627333906413587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609838731740877,0.08032234986653031,0.0,0.0,0.07737792766753528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785085073985176,0.0,0.0,0.06467079203928365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190958239094325,0.0,0.09755884940594163,0.07408854697882719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743991804316667,0.1083712496693162,0.0,0.0,0.07771815441312048,0.13715551508575816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381626571458832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872598352609177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240730722008413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656485749705936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454992387601806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058359338443527115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483429235614205,0.11747295205473952,0.06387246629624335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564721479751108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04261175120954857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049614445161504976,0.0,0.0,0.1521513428534251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059225698116555,0.21551336197296306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403487420061115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447164469418477,0.15573528385389282,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,zombiepooll,2020/03/07,"Lost and not yet found. I don't even know if this is the right place to go, or post this but I'm lost. I'm 24 and 2 days ago I was diagnosed with BPD and honestly don't know where to turn too. I really didn't even know BPD existed until now. Not to get into details but I am now just full of hate and spite towards the people in my family that bullied me and neglected me and isolated me etc. and to my parents who let it happen. Like was I not good enough to just love? I hear most people feel relieved once they've been diagnosed, but now I feel more alone then ever. I don't even know if I have the right to be angry or its my fault for not being stronger when I was younger. I just don't understand why people just couldn't be nice, does anyone know what I mean?",1.8935912882298425,3.0283309819277133,3.5357831325301237,92.4561584800742,76.5301204819277,7.276367006487487,21.202965708989808,7.882392219407189,0.6057382761816501,597,14,142,9,13,199,98,166,0.249,0.6629999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.9846,1,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,15,12,2,0,3,0,17,3,0,0,1,38,38,17,0,3,15,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,9,0,1,10,0,0,1,10,6,0,0,8,3,18,6,13,25,5,20,0,3,0,1,4,8,0,5,11,97,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520577217021775,0.0,0.0,0.1346041255200727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087426690191963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273717164550172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381641230342486,0.0,0.0,0.2638226571109848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373289321405143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342881687314001,0.14494487841383222,0.2575211685267118,0.11756041711513887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251905395107755,0.0,0.13142800882469194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14249947064973828,0.0,0.0,0.0679011369838845,0.0,0.07386187457742985,0.109008136458128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492726246072794,0.0,0.0,0.12831313126309393,0.0,0.0,0.1464795445079509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571257137057687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289760412465534,0.0,0.06349413652681116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837434167123414,0.0,0.11729812146749745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156954477194164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840805247111093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431030287254326,0.0,0.0,0.2703032590584917,0.0,0.13578534059541753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244701568209506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325864772022352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219781086431052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136415947685665,0.0,0.1352977272156785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727283261124602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,qwertyujm,2020/03/07,Have any of you tried going on tinder? What was your experience like? Because I'm fucking d y i n g over here :(,-1.7487499999999976,0.09245495833333807,1.9916666666666671,91.47,103.58333333333334,4.066666666666666,18.5,5.985473137389443,-0.03305000000000025,85,3,19,1,4,31,23,24,0.153,0.738,0.109,-0.2555,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,3,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,1,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35506205266104635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31828179027603026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5107372127109469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4826949911395647,0.0,0.0,0.29673495802970484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550832895212346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544877514244649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DeepMess9,2020/03/07,"no such thing as ‘good days’ I see a lot of content regarding mental illness conveying the mantra of ‘tomorrow will come and it will be better.’ this was once true for me, but as my bpd has gotten worse, i’ve stopped having ‘good days’. my days aren’t all bad, either, but they certainly aren’t good. it’s not ‘if’ i’ll have an episode, it’s ‘when’. and i dread it. i’m so tired of having the inability to be happy. my life is the best it’s ever been and i’ve never had more anxiety or more cognitive distortion.",0.8951629502572871,2.984113113207549,3.085162950257292,90.10692109777015,82.9622641509434,6.873413379073758,20.957118353344764,8.00094639256281,0.9810113207547172,394,12,87,8,11,134,74,106,0.212,0.619,0.16899999999999998,-0.6767,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,4,9,0,1,5,0,14,3,0,0,5,17,18,11,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,4,1,7,7,7,10,6,9,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,8,60,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113218622585967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495361333444591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20732610824265846,0.17472498736372796,0.0,0.0,0.2488187960333001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017968899026892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822278666526368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870353471284509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4971096507368314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21030535707200895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954184912928352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16795769923077253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990931267816409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236977264775778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21039401540302405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742904075049766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516827061645178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312495010293833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270651465732529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20132962145287048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sebastian93s,2020/03/07,Bpd? So I have been diagnosed with bipolar. But I also haven't been completely honest with my doc/therapist. I've looked into BPD alot these last 2 weeks and I seem to fit the description. Not going to lie scared the hell put of me and made me emotional as hell! But i and very narcissistic. I do things lately out of the thrill because I enjoy it and the real me inside hates that. So moody and alot of the time I feel empty inside so lonely and never accepted even though I have a wife and use to have friends but I fucked that up to. And when I get down god to I get down thoughts stupid thoughts I cant control but never took action on them and tried just hurt my self with cutting hitting things or tattoos/piercings. I could go on and on and on. But I'm glad I found this group I hope I'm welcome and we can help each other understand more about mental illness!,2.2316011235955067,4.134148831460678,3.333019662921348,90.981327247191,77.53932584269663,6.247752808988763,22.360955056179773,7.1686216300943375,0.6483022471910114,684,20,145,8,16,220,111,178,0.20199999999999999,0.6609999999999999,0.13699999999999998,-0.9125,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,1,1,9,18,6,1,8,0,10,4,0,3,2,44,30,25,0,2,8,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,8,19,0,1,7,0,0,5,5,10,0,0,7,2,22,8,22,21,4,22,2,2,1,1,8,10,3,5,7,101,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806395651718254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999715465540245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718831746592632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479288242168493,0.0,0.16558562741084282,0.1178748342058239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498467985198659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660699263563052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751177319237124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464888184313859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618745690871885,0.114062724952602,0.13648652576479825,0.15426678063686758,0.0,0.16780917240853455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575936834526995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895688023535117,0.0,0.0,0.14663523987054106,0.0,0.0,0.15804672303261408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034253573393773,0.16653913420568794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397653257302503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969616205381288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878173438008055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277310061687416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484143296285985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680413789142766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14780876616140745,0.0,0.0,0.13440170113685254,0.15401589481553685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714160500512888,0.1961647668639912,0.0,0.14505100692780845,0.23441199436810384,0.08608737475661979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402833448634718,0.10023472898253337,0.0,0.0,0.15369363262651645,0.0,0.12750956277660594,0.0,0.12181464648603653,0.0,0.0,0.11842419306676435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,whostolemypp,2020/03/07,"not sure if fully related to bpd massive vent/rant - massive trigger warning (NSFW) (sorry for the bad english) so, to put down the basics, i’m bi, i’m trans, i’m so incredibly bpd and i’ve been diagnosed 4 years ago now. the development of my ed became clear in december 2018, was taken from my family in january 2019, got kicked out of school, broke up with my longest relationship to date, my substance abuse officially took off that summer, i got kicked out of another school a month into the year, was in detox for a month, almost got into prostitution, then christmas, yadayadayada. i don’t wanna seem dismissive, but a shit load has happened and going over the details is pointless. everything was a blur, basically, any logic and normalness in my life just disappeared, that’s it. i’ve started school again in january, and did the same for drugs and ed. i haven’t selfharmed since peculiarly horrible episodes from september, but i keep thinking about it and it scares me so much. i’m in a very strange situation, because now, i have great grades in school, my day is organised by the minute, i exercise every day, i get absolutely wasted every weekend, my interpersonal relationships are mostly healthy and normal, i’m planning for the future, i have a wonderful girlfriend... which also has bpd, ed, and substance abuse problems. we relate, and she’s the best that literally ever happened to me, i have never been so comfortable with someone before. really, even my best friends i get angsty around them after a few hours and need to shut it out and hide and recharge, but with her i can stay awake for days and just look at her face and listen to her talk and she does the same with me... and now i organise my whole life around being with her, and especially, being wasted with her. plus, there’s that whole thing around body dysphoria, body dysmorphia and sexual traumas from my childhood. i realky can’t stand my body lately, it’s horrible. i can’t even masturbate, and i feel so trapped inside my own skin. while being high, i was finally able to put words onto that feeling; i feel trapped, i can feel it in my muscles and it hurts, especially in my forearms, thighs and shoulders, my lungs feel so strange and soft and the scars i have are like gills, allowing me to breath, but now they’re sealed again. i feel like i’m gonna blow up.i don’t know what to do, i just hate it. i feel like a child, and sometimes i love the basic amazement i have towards everything, but i mostly hate it. i hate it, i love it, it hurts, it feels wonderful, i can’t get into the military like i’ve always dreamed of because i’m an addict, so i get high and tell myself i’ll just go study. i’m about to become an adult, i don’t have a family, and in a few months i’m gonna get kicked out of my unit and i’m going to have to find an appartement, pay taxes, be organised, have a job and be able to study too, not die. i’ll probably move in with my girlfriend, too. she’s doing horrible in school, because she’s depressed and doesn’t go, and somehow, i decided i was also gonna be im charge of that. i really wanna help her, and i do, and it works, but i also bring her down this rabbit hole of “wow, we worked so hard, and now we got a good grade! let’s get high off our minds as a celebration”. really, in terms of drug abuse, even if she says it’s fine, i’m bringing her down, and it hurts, but i also feel like a hypocrite because i wanna share that with her, because i like it. idk i guess i need to share it cos lately i seem to be doing great to people around me, like i have incredible grades, i’m way less disorganised, i’m happy... but the truth is i’m putting so much pressure and trying so hard to control everything and plan my entire life around sport, food, drugs and my gf, like absolutely nothing else matters now. i’m so far down it feels like everything is spinning out of control and i’m losing grasp, but i keep losing weight and doing drugs and having good grades and planning my future... like i’m actually doing all this stuff, which seems bonkers to me because wHERE THE FUCK do i fINd the ENERGY?!? hOw do i even manage? i barely sleep, stopped zoloft, stopped seroquel, my eating and sleeping and exercising schedules are all over the fucking place, i can’t do school work to save my life, and somehow i got into college where i wanted, i’m finding places to live when i’ll turn 18, i’m getting a job... what the fuck is going on. i’m so confused and i wanna cry, but ever since i’ve started hormone blockers my mood kinda stabilised... in the sense that instead of being really fucking impulsive and then randomly having burst of tears and sadness and then emptiness and then BOOM impulsivity all over again, now i’m just impulsive. and horny. and i fucking hate it. i stopped my meds and started selling them, i pay with money that isn’t mine, i’m so concerned but it doesn’t help... i took drugs alone for the first time in months last night, because i really couldn’t stop myself anymore, i couldn’t go without it... i’m gonna try to last till tomorrow night but i might take some mush... i’m a mess and i everyone thinks i’m doing better than ever when it’s the worst it ever was and i can’t bring myself to tell anyone. i’m so sorry if this doesn’t belong here i just don’t know what to do.",3.446968916598898,5.064934323529414,4.663723231227976,83.97468848829855,73.41176470588233,7.637643444474564,26.39961145748622,8.306716005460428,1.71436607933496,4163,146,829,69,84,1372,406,1054,0.168,0.7090000000000001,0.12300000000000001,-0.9933,2,3,5,0,3,0,164.0,4,0,2,14,61,58,10,3,40,0,69,39,13,6,11,184,168,98,1,15,24,0,15,10,4,5,15,3,0,2,43,81,3,9,25,5,5,16,20,27,0,1,17,19,114,30,108,135,20,131,0,8,1,8,39,52,6,20,70,525,157,20,0.0821248785876031,0.1459568279501754,0.04007101742267087,0.04476411987392681,0.0,0.0,0.036399374868140925,0.0,0.04111810149567539,0.0425283033246316,0.0,0.1313504714712096,0.03416723893587091,0.0,0.0,0.02792386681082721,0.04305754789958813,0.0,0.0,0.0407229059728664,0.028711812303494687,0.0,0.0,0.1827713835708154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034285421631089164,0.17521897306003484,0.04535023808799368,0.03494111144746462,0.0,0.08618499337532258,0.036316390651632884,0.0,0.13683333957332533,0.1551501144951319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211003455616397,0.0,0.0,0.04510516142063549,0.07944562900096712,0.0,0.03536701879436957,0.041677511525651835,0.04261632906387548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035934017340901035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23809696559569501,0.042017126646766816,0.03430239901284509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848541553787047,0.1485733088410361,0.06919375222702515,0.03923692043740453,0.14761709086359412,0.0,0.07742002660537049,0.0,0.20762403095198376,0.1173400593446206,0.0,0.04498189513018365,0.11259097681717205,0.03492768988655077,0.04965286458685444,0.0,0.03172473873860632,0.1898078172789396,0.15017400818930773,0.0,0.14002038320971374,0.06888245177080804,0.16420691914235255,0.09054296856912276,0.0452349063024624,0.0,0.07262275891344085,0.043711730181207824,0.07356776024440516,0.16216263047825727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055046574999126484,0.1301541647947785,0.0,0.0,0.040438231305883234,0.0,0.13187457161275304,0.0,0.04435448078726604,0.0,0.08149626992154667,0.07299636549890014,0.0,0.0,0.045133685520625695,0.0669427371104284,0.09264044015474172,0.0,0.0,0.041989126243291264,0.11601446093524913,0.20061033695026795,0.0,0.036258886195188834,0.0,0.03448210716719172,0.09187673240914383,0.0,0.0,0.07412090929464579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045611113191108436,0.0,0.0,0.04356075904724948,0.0414613581011128,0.0,0.13110258914316092,0.043642874534675816,0.060371235171528384,0.06089455687214961,0.031669884602465226,0.0,0.0,0.0770686352626183,0.08046494425310491,0.039400517962514536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028467525163042507,0.0,0.08580301873465505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044272254628779255,0.03929120880060929,0.0,0.12383727903631707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152825037729945,0.0,0.0,0.0881713852252522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03265449985206336,0.04111066513354796,0.2493442847060088,0.0,0.1121451076071358,0.0,0.0,0.042150003851978896,0.06793454822274406,0.046155902214996734,0.08218418819275304,0.0,0.03479207156098599,0.0,0.04061180242542376,0.0919320779159812,0.08719261763810374,0.04376709675579599,0.0,0.13732015161574768,0.0,0.0,0.047006668888874586,0.0,0.0,0.03870086308039998,0.0,0.030873844065315806,0.033004433286802096,0.0717807636861145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02728006007688217,0.05262230614167855,0.0,0.0,0.0239438385676052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912437618769932,0.05575740174237074,0.04466414257538357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033880812823918416,0.024219690586601263,0.032593453012196086,0.0,0.050002988774297465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168949409456464,0.0,0.03958272616266138,0.08906092761547957,0.08968183457153754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052885729240505865 bpd,erykaWaltz,2020/03/07,"how do i stop getting too much into one person i feel like after a high im gonna crash, the rose tinted glasses will fall off and only hatred and spite will remain as it happened many times before",17.105853658536578,5.9930820243902465,15.365853658536587,57.92243902439028,58.02439024390245,16.400000000000002,48.3170731707317,3.1291,4.5365414634146335,157,3,30,0,1,52,37,41,0.272,0.674,0.054000000000000006,-0.875,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,7,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,4,4,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764543241271999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16427228205289512,0.23209884757054894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697396898283274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872958944344725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34326022813918977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35093296979098404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587230423333898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293837293784179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388288226200681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201513744273055,0.2470906816643065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836781978543271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716195058724354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18944382230572665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,duhmbish,2020/03/07,"Does anyone ever make up false realities in their mind and fully believe them? I don’t know how else to word it. Basically, do you *make* yourself believe something about someone or something that has never happened? For example: I’ll be arguing with my FP and even though they never said it, I’ll say something like “I know you don’t want to talk to me, so don’t, I’m not a charity case”. Of course they’ll deny it, but it doesnt matter. It’s in my head. I thought it. I believe it. There’s no way to make me believe otherwise now... and this goes for any conversation, I’ll think something (usually negative) and it’s immediately the truth to me and the other person is lying by saying it’s not true. I don’t know if that makes sense...I feel crazy...if anyone else does this...how do you stop it? I’m tired of doing this because it makes me feel like the absolute biggest most worthless piece of shit because it’s NEVER anything positive. Ugh I’m so tired of my fucking brain messing shit up.",0.9882462686567166,3.425212706467665,3.0573445273631847,88.0597481343284,86.11442786069651,5.738059701492538,23.79788557213931,7.1686216300943375,1.1266930348258717,778,31,157,12,24,262,109,201,0.214,0.7290000000000001,0.057,-0.988,0,0,4,0,0,0,35.0,0,3,4,0,9,11,4,0,4,0,12,7,4,6,6,36,31,12,0,2,5,0,2,2,0,1,2,3,0,1,17,6,0,1,7,0,0,0,12,7,0,0,2,5,19,4,18,27,2,13,0,1,0,1,14,5,3,3,9,94,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202563433469872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811605484783152,0.10852213616023383,0.08715878128488515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291292475216947,0.0,0.0,0.4773184316266908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823584374281099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853733518145076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17695629798263754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995566662662926,0.0958059183473426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710731886634976,0.0756654895292878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979164421160998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366002769803213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869904819738266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17462386306534453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348915406900744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35349445469378904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694366356355947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450638598786197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248063889205396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074914282541453,0.16845525597588362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21743985424480264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974118953420165,0.3261532711583057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854943957140507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851302314053956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786586910913632,0.1040606641874964,0.08408444844371514,0.0,0.24346675545148885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665008884221628,0.0,0.0624712397358126,0.08407016636576188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,8orianna8,2020/03/07,Unstable Feeling pretty unstable the last few days... recently got attached to someone. I know its the reason for the imbalance,6.921428571428571,10.220629000000006,7.609761904761907,59.20607142857146,68.52380952380952,11.81904761904762,43.83333333333334,11.20814326018867,7.021076190476192,103,7,12,4,2,34,18,21,0.195,0.623,0.183,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26192145971322195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20535247794875447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248207597897104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22319945620272988,0.3310516822948517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.413182122010778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175712067391261,0.4010062285954186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441142181499775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lygodium,2020/03/07,"I try so hard to reach out but it doesn’t make a difference. If I’m not feeling well, I message people and groups I am a part of that are geared toward support. I post on social media specifically devoted to when I feel down and need help. Hours go by and no one responds. I’m doing exactly what I am told to do, but people still don’t prioritize me. They don’t make time for me. It’s not fair. I’m not doing anything wrong. Why am I being punished?",0.541875000000001,2.5541444375,3.1498333333333366,89.57850000000002,83.79166666666666,5.923333333333334,21.058333333333334,7.1686216300943375,0.6012658333333332,350,11,77,5,10,122,66,96,0.146,0.7,0.154,0.42100000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,4,5,1,0,2,0,11,0,0,2,1,16,22,8,0,2,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,2,1,1,1,3,10,3,10,20,1,10,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,4,53,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857053800813147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357748312602884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22820885132104746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825221735055115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20215403273237426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126037665425304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22223733624323652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012700319935809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167329822224568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15291834887466876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443762478452612,0.0,0.31289929145597645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21612738232798345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23003991401445065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021860515028612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25608515732377624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158871520497198,0.0,0.0,0.21563526392728155,0.0,0.15321363025669332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20290246345442134,0.0,0.2036300987948157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467323250990477,0.0,0.0 bpd,scorpio-venus,2020/03/07,"Toxic Isn't it great when everything you do is automatically considered toxic just because you have bpd. Fuck, I can never be myself and I can never show my true feelings without being called toxic.",8.634166666666665,8.85145852777778,9.457777777777778,59.315,60.944444444444436,10.533333333333337,34.66666666666667,10.125756701596842,3.8196,161,6,23,3,2,55,29,36,0.233,0.767,0.0,-0.8452,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,3,7,10,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,1,8,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,3,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19837651902704556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098623448491596,0.0,0.3322960794156767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29247168394643297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645450390737893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008508655522312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.358783042424137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5019768063919529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31369881382316883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hopefulkindofsad,2020/03/08,"I did something bad I started sleeping with this guy and then he ended up getting back together with his girlfriend but he couldn’t stay away from so we kept going. She never found out but when they finally broke up she wanted him back but he didn’t want to because he wanted me. She killed herself. I need help. I hurt so many people. He was just one of sexual impulses. I just didn’t want to feel the loneliness or the darkness. I’m a horrible person. I’m the villain in my own story. -Dumb bitch",0.5508062234794906,3.0352294059405933,2.4116902404526184,90.62141089108914,91.57425742574257,5.261951909476663,21.075671852899575,6.868970318607317,0.7532087694483733,394,14,78,6,14,130,72,101,0.336,0.612,0.051,-0.9911,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,1,0,7,7,4,0,4,0,5,1,1,0,1,21,18,9,1,6,6,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,6,1,15,0,11,11,1,15,0,2,0,0,17,5,2,1,8,52,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18856095643766568,0.308646421113139,0.1675731838820045,0.12234271592223694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775751796388672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147817428469674,0.0,0.0,0.2198531919810564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200533394272104,0.0,0.0,0.10485563122501107,0.0,0.11406043884238852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19872107598384814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452262500454107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21484974066631615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220409276508252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203474737665382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881390239192668,0.15478950362968538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359971339288758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913767431946758,0.1752404315742124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20084142800404545,0.0,0.0,0.15450596114456952,0.0,0.0,0.1420540067616207,0.21391575205217905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4735039525433256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rosenglass,2020/03/08,"Wooo my FP said they are unwilling to support me It was basically in those exact words too. I finally asked outright and got the answer I was expecting, I guess. It was a look time coming. I could say the physical pain I would rather bear but you all can probably guess. I didn't explode on her, so that's good I guess. Anyone else going through the same thing or did in the past? Let's talk about it. Also, anyone have any tips to not feel COMPLETELY worthless through something like this? My brain can't process that I have more than 0 value right now. I haven't technically been diagnosed but there's a looot of parallels.",1.663170731707318,4.301609788617888,2.765723577235772,89.8388292682927,85.26016260162599,6.5320325203252025,22.83414634146341,7.793537801064563,1.3087229268292688,496,18,100,10,15,158,91,123,0.018000000000000002,0.8340000000000001,0.147,0.9464,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,0,7,5,0,0,6,0,15,3,1,0,2,19,26,6,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,8,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,8,4,15,3,10,15,3,10,0,1,1,0,7,4,0,4,5,68,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374333646185133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373026902351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338789365778559,0.17135915364737622,0.0,0.0,0.15634865831652653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18669733965277174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406414151118438,0.1753500150794136,0.0,0.0,0.13352909792820697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974707085355875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397091990988152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456256096580048,0.0,0.0,0.18320539447493348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950474610070904,0.14027462285157774,0.1337586747286758,0.0,0.5527076279819767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17101623697259616,0.0,0.08170597483799949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404411269825149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779572388344796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965137640021468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803151212301332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428237216181508,0.1590854037352416,0.13299752065725162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875103292864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18978419639090655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344227539153377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110812813067616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975201328740532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880389128595432,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jonnybear2,2020/03/08,"Need advice So I have best friend. We've been friends for 4 years. And we love each other.bplatonically but it's deep. He is also my FP, which I am constantly working to make healthier. He does not have BPD, but he does have an ASD. Now I'm gay and aromantic. And he's straight. And recently I saw the sexual things he does on his reddit. And I've been struggling with what I've seen. Nothing too graphic, he just comments a lot in NSFW subreddits. I'm struggling because I had hoped that we would be able to bond sexually at some point. Because for me, sex is just another way of bonding with guys. And recently I asked to just give me closure on that never happening, and he did and he was cool about it. But now I feel jealous. Like a lot. And really sad that he'll never want or value me that way. And I've been splitting like crazy. Because now I feel worthless. I feel like as soon as he finds some woman he can fuck, he won't need me anymore and he'll just replace me, and throw our relationship out like garbage. Because let's face it, not a lot of straight guys will pass up a wet pussy for their friends. And I don't trust him to be different. I don't trust him to not abandon me. I don't trust him to be able to split his time and not devalue me for a girlfriend. All things he has actually said he won't do because he values people equally, regardless of their role in his life. But I don't believe it. And I don't want to be hurt like that. Because I refuse to live on some girlfriend's shadow. Fuck that. But now, I just want to jump ship. I want to ditch him before he does it to me. But I don't actually want that. There is so much potential for us to actually be lifelong friends. If I can just let that happen. I mean he has stuck by me through so much, and continues to show that he's in this for the Long haul and that my place in his life is more than secure, regardless of girlfriend's, sex partners, and the fact that we'll never be sexual. But I'm just having a hard time with seeing his reddit. I feel inadequate. Worthless. Like a beta bitch because apparently his dick is huge and mine is very much not. What relevance does that have? None, but it's making my feelings of inadequacy worse. I just feel like filler. Temporary. I don't know how to trust and have faith in him. He's never lied to me. I mean, not about anything serious or important. And I WANT to trust him. So bad. But idk how to have faith. I just need some validation of these feelings, and then some suggestions so that I don't destroy what could be a lifelong intimate friendship.",1.7520148363527923,3.832634750950572,3.283303511518678,89.89280436889588,79.81749049429658,6.634995899500487,24.00193841795273,7.724431198458867,1.1220784761052711,2013,72,437,33,51,662,215,526,0.17300000000000001,0.677,0.15,-0.9496,2,0,0,0,0,0,67.0,5,0,2,2,26,37,5,2,12,1,48,10,2,4,6,101,87,45,0,15,27,0,9,7,8,7,2,1,0,4,27,29,0,3,11,1,0,3,21,14,0,0,10,14,59,23,51,60,17,40,2,5,3,7,59,17,4,12,25,282,86,1,0.14390041833972278,0.0,0.21063907562200332,0.0,0.0,0.0703089116803608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057538556278243565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754460677689048,0.0,0.0,0.07135527389856322,0.0,0.0,0.05920889159166444,0.0,0.06726373300952722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060075419294589476,0.3070212578457527,0.0,0.06122432862024379,0.08106324703105121,0.07550730554862134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061876971296386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775261533252922,0.0,0.057446387380329325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517265476111003,0.0,0.0,0.3148205645422453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546613133272384,0.10280248761456108,0.0,0.0,0.06576118769331038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22235421249769655,0.13303361797462468,0.0,0.06902119680982881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248403814786842,0.1272506646993872,0.0,0.0644532549548534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146279229120152,0.0,0.0,0.07702418702595794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03954195329922789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714792730399562,0.10164112111430168,0.2460586649846418,0.0,0.06353335288592668,0.06367367097428513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183508484617163,0.06493787289951762,0.0,0.09605464664682603,0.0,0.0,0.15674974142514805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586750473110612,0.16005050526498654,0.2219697476059794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903816620635421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04988121566217784,0.0,0.07517265476111003,0.0,0.06801620402836632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046093146384613946,0.0,0.14208430283465548,0.07724759803433001,0.0,0.0,0.06844112535265065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05733500128339536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043596137919613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956010437984061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390949115040239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654724263574909,0.0,0.0,0.05936645780061664,0.25462858520414305,0.11422145406493445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052380609198514484,0.0,0.07332341002242522,0.05111136424191903,0.0,0.0,0.04633357572512069 bpd,teruhana,2020/03/08,"Sometimes I feel like no matter how hard I try, no one recognizes it Years of therapy and life lessons have really helped develop my self-control abilities, but sometimes it feels so fucking pointless. The goalposts keep being moved ahead, even when my impulses get worse and worse. I managed to keep a complete public freakout in check, something that a few years ago would have caused a huge scene and been a total mess. All I want is a LITTLE understanding of how hard I'm trying to be better and not be a complete fuck up, but instead now people are frustrated with me for being quiet and pulling away while I try to calm down. I'm SO SORRY that trying to deal with this takes hours instead of minutes (of course, in their ideal world i never would have gotten upset at all), but would you really rather I scream at you to get it out of my system? I don't want that. Maybe me from 2017 would, but 2020 me is trying to be better. It's such a lose-lose scenario. I just need some fucking empathy desperately, but why would they waste it on someone with so many problems, ha ha.",9.368238095238098,6.814564490476194,8.737619047619052,73.97738095238097,61.23809523809525,11.428571428571427,37.14285714285714,9.444778638647367,3.3084285714285717,853,29,162,11,9,271,129,210,0.19899999999999998,0.653,0.14800000000000002,-0.9395,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,2,5,13,15,4,1,8,2,18,4,0,3,4,42,35,17,0,11,8,0,4,1,0,5,1,2,0,0,9,9,0,2,4,0,1,2,5,8,0,1,2,6,19,7,26,23,5,24,0,0,0,3,7,12,3,1,10,114,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637785913628406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021504056699932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19231626890520293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169018481244852,0.0,0.0,0.2279914940748621,0.0,0.12194396150553495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209035981638113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181161857124042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994891907284994,0.07767292536978024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015426140082417,0.11360830437831318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19479189572601946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287585391808779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070718982025732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19327896308657194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679544919585897,0.053117381454806566,0.10897068149048524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163509409307045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102297495133109,0.10922854375671603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555711683079062,0.0,0.08061796453443079,0.0838551675169101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367464963715073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537599588073536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403482479568353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930361423212767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134235418997272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212205935160568,0.08370156212358555,0.2150629557571849,0.1217083657011835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174742025382979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243361346295882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690845674134698,0.0,0.0,0.11318621497354965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825725365535992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810710287345777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22159945295809946,0.3861744275289229,0.0,0.0,0.14003024451725865 bpd,soursunflowerpower,2020/03/08,"Betrayed By Family Just discovered that my mother and brother have a secret group chat where they talk shit about me. I found out after my mother accidentally sent a series of texts to the group that included all of us. I have always felt my mother favored my brother over me, something she has always denied, but this has still blindsided me. This comes after a very stressful work week, and an even more stressful move. I also may be putting my beloved dog down tomorrow, due to a mass on her liver. I couldn't feel more unloved or hopeless.",7.064411764705883,7.419311715686277,6.7733333333333325,76.78000000000003,64.19607843137254,9.15294117647059,32.68627450980392,8.841846274778883,2.7036745098039217,433,16,76,6,6,136,75,102,0.196,0.7190000000000001,0.085,-0.9159999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,1,0,1,1,6,6,1,2,6,0,7,2,2,0,1,14,12,5,0,1,3,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,1,0,4,1,5,0,0,3,2,16,1,12,6,3,16,0,1,0,0,15,6,1,2,6,57,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725646737621488,0.35910390723579816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18588127258057968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425251857154325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034246468120364,0.0,0.10910831994771954,0.0,0.20718922523651956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365991537887663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293472820238631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21692539475635628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215021105694116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661232670100751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17232766492134416,0.0,0.4943662374994868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344130398770494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259565023116487,0.0,0.0,0.1780467583030311,0.0,0.0,0.1730912028103832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570954038904535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,666t3114,2020/03/08,hold breathe until confulsions/pain as self harm does anyone eye do this,6.80846153846154,9.061025230769232,4.910769230769233,83.0092307692308,65.92307692307692,8.276923076923078,28.384615384615394,8.841846274778883,2.2670615384615385,60,2,10,1,1,17,13,13,0.24100000000000002,0.759,0.0,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3750777258200929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4694252442631233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5707892930583773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5596036298774801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kirbythis,2020/03/08,"I started a project today I’ve been really unwell recently, so to try and get me out of the house, I decided to start a project where I go outside and share the things that help me cope. Today I left some of my favourite books in places for people to find with a nice note inside. I don’t know if anyone found them, but doing it gave me a sense of purpose and I felt okay. If you’re interested in following my progress, the Instagram is we_are_okaytoday and Twitter is @okay_today_ I hope you’re all doing okay. This is a really hard and exhausting condition to keep under control and we are all absolute troopers.",3.7632499999999993,5.693982158333334,4.823333333333334,81.855,73.25,8.8,28.66666666666667,9.3871,2.6938166666666667,489,20,93,12,10,160,82,120,0.047,0.778,0.175,0.9255,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,1,2,2,7,0,0,8,2,8,1,0,1,2,23,19,10,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,9,0,2,5,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,2,14,6,13,15,3,14,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,4,5,61,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496424884650955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400331723733202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548552377858853,0.0,0.1956035117944213,0.0,0.0,0.2346536166943783,0.0,0.0,0.11181267760701097,0.0,0.12162821325857535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917131283356216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344804112813153,0.0,0.0,0.2125626623409705,0.0,0.24694164562983625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902241082293769,0.0,0.0,0.11761565141754247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325251645966394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483692934744457,0.0,0.22359747106085992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742037246812676,0.0,0.2113114861530082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30295824220898104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218036925816335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4057175775921771,0.0,0.0,0.14530041257724524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cas_ass,2020/03/08,"My trauma response ended in my breakup My boyfriend and I had a line of what cheating is. Cuddling is fine, especially cause we’re long distance and we’re touchy people, as long as it doesn’t have a sexual tone. This guy I cuddled with pushed that boundary and I was uncomfortable but I was warring between my BPD response of ‘ruin your relationship cause you don’t deserve it,’ my wise mind response of ‘speak up and tell him to either stop or leave,’ and my trauma response of ‘wait til it’s over cause if you stop it, he may hurt you.’ My trauma response won out. I was quiet. I told my boyfriend today (it happened friday night but the time difference caused us to not be able to talk til this morning). He wasn’t mad, because I didn’t do anything. But he still decided to end our relationship because he didn’t want to be put in a similar or worse situation again. I have /never/ done this type of thing. I have never even gotten close to cheating on anyone. I’m so frustrated with myself. I have made so many positive strides in the past 3 months with my therapy and with my responses. But when it counted, I froze up. I defaulted to my trauma response. I’m so mad at myself.",2.8969752707950143,4.976229042918463,4.183494788473328,84.83084406294708,76.16738197424894,7.013202534232577,27.833435520130802,7.957251820313856,1.856561577764153,929,39,181,15,21,305,131,233,0.212,0.721,0.067,-0.9902,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,3,0,1,8,15,6,0,5,0,20,2,0,5,2,35,29,21,1,2,9,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,11,12,0,3,1,0,0,2,8,12,0,0,12,3,31,3,30,14,1,30,0,2,0,2,17,10,0,4,18,121,42,1,0.12848871063412606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984229398670797,0.0,0.10573526090422296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566510508269364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618270330831333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5279731986621047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424335518464667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148856130620482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276057203040203,0.0,0.0,0.08486558156794949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722402449409384,0.11362214247327433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754982220055414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274169312145513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157912472906238,0.0,0.13026738548242334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973696972639245,0.0,0.10255846297435578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19819682943758166,0.0,0.0,0.12057795086616245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226570131009286,0.08907789371626577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916664300730554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758975793268965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444266942186981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261125028804684,0.21484463086747896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327435854185536,0.11230479646339443,0.0,0.14693803851229084,0.0,0.08536219001069427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492280044959862,0.0,0.12179227389055874,0.1227764692736342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154556098495185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578597055970883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309409732338228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,blue____girl,2020/03/08,"Does the emptiness ever go away? Went to see a psychiatrist 2 days ago. Went in thinking my impulsivity, inconsistency, misery, etc. was due to some form of bipolar. Left with 10 pages of info on BPD. I’ve been reading this sub the past 2 days and just want to end it all. I don’t even have the “extreme” symptoms, but the crippling emptiness is enough suffering as is. I’m only 20 and I know my ~personality~ is still malleable.... but is there really any light at the end of this dark fucking tunnel? I wasn’t given a verbal diagnosis, but I’m scheduled for DBT and much of the symptoms sound like me. I don’t self-harm or act out too often, so I suppose I have the “quiet” bpd?? All I know is that I’ve tried to fill this deep hole inside of me my whole life- with cleaning, good grades, friends, validation, losing weight, moving, weed, sex, new goals every month, chaos... It’s like I create these messes because I’m crippled from boredom? Has anyone been able to recover and just... be okay with normal?",3.102614045618246,5.062358607142862,4.3789195678271335,84.20305522208888,75.1734693877551,6.448499399759905,24.79471788715486,7.285733465282438,1.1091462184873944,781,26,153,9,17,257,132,196,0.09300000000000001,0.8,0.107,0.4515,0,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,0,2,9,9,1,0,9,1,15,7,0,0,3,25,28,10,0,2,6,0,1,2,1,0,4,2,1,1,7,8,1,0,4,1,0,6,3,4,0,0,7,5,13,5,21,20,9,25,0,2,1,2,2,7,1,3,14,90,20,3,0.14187178239363013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576077503843228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647767701838404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992000489328708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329320969230982,0.0,0.0,0.08648372174088079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573650869351839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18299112576833965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415295282973605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25131257884956243,0.14659147593056512,0.15822453948090595,0.0937049742463461,0.12833114948786598,0.1195330955464342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960978714914614,0.13115817673146615,0.0,0.0,0.08062900337080825,0.11899532001065233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593804267179315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414410668191197,0.0,0.100208235551684,0.1386227733139929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587182351019689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324070317083965,0.15078725242586052,0.1042920840358191,0.0,0.0,0.13702065149480067,0.0,0.0,0.13900422451419364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789988349771454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354326694215095,0.0,0.12387696813637107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141910174912798,0.0,0.09088669663596877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305344236613622,0.0,0.14800321012259995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329898868280534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949182072845204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090570962634158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632162753689506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367965302689725,0.0,0.0,0.17276161047473654,0.0,0.2630331272629217,0.0,0.15839477850905112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LSki92,2020/03/08,"How do you date? I'm really struggling. I feel I've made so much progress not being too clingy or needy. Inside it's killing me. I'm insecure, but come across as confident. I need constant validation and attention. I feel so empty and lost when my FP isn't texting me. I try to let him be in the control seat so I don't come across as too needy. I stopped dating for so long because I couldn't handle the rejection and anxiety. Dating is too hard. How do you do it?",0.2863058419243991,2.603509443298972,2.5253865979381445,91.35412800687288,88.58762886597937,6.119931271477665,22.516323024054984,7.492282038375204,1.081687972508591,364,14,79,7,12,123,63,97,0.23199999999999998,0.6709999999999999,0.09699999999999999,-0.8775,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,3,10,5,1,2,2,0,10,0,0,4,0,18,19,14,1,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,3,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,2,3,13,0,7,13,1,12,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,1,7,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18516361611077156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754826877378868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4170003410782779,0.0,0.2615644501560501,0.2714738343877724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447702557714813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21682460610403165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677867188482985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24750721588119756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21420203894849965,0.0,0.0,0.264220501030316,0.0,0.0,0.2290286503423962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793078438970145,0.1794731586746589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506010233214484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20236029807971992,0.0,0.2530377875622659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643325368342065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sleepybastardd,2020/03/08,Abandonment Issues Check My boyfriend is friends with two people that don't like me anymore and every time he hangs out with them my abandonment fears skyrocket and it makes me feel like garbage. But I'd feel a manipulative asshole if I told him not to hang out with them. But now I'm laying here bawling my eyes out because he is staying the night with them so I'll be alone all night just overthinking and beating myself up about it. I feel like such an asshole for being like this even though its my fault I fucked up our friendship. I just feel so fucking alone.,4.043423423423427,5.9023192882882904,3.890270270270271,89.1382882882883,72.33333333333333,6.7351351351351365,27.64864864864865,7.3871296695380915,1.3643405405405402,455,17,91,5,9,138,75,111,0.258,0.695,0.047,-0.9740000000000001,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,3,1,10,11,2,1,3,0,5,3,1,2,1,25,14,9,0,1,6,0,4,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,2,4,0,1,2,2,6,0,1,1,5,16,5,12,11,1,12,0,2,1,2,9,5,2,1,8,59,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669113627561905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17566768196513813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797822888417488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699423837324124,0.0,0.1492416340362663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19932312545868947,0.3582537283748352,0.25308675466892705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368520045910741,0.3275119835747504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18488013997032546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461516512969848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823721076605745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324533990236728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228012598120566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18879950361492887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740316222874135,0.0,0.10328729048268888,0.0,0.0,0.16925753936327564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730325554456159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,OutlandishLiner,2020/03/08,"This relationship is giving me fear of abandonment I'm in a situationship with this guy. Its not a normal official relationship bc he just ended his previous long term relationship. He said to me he's not ready for a committed relationship. Also he said he is poly while I am not. My fear of losing him is very high now. I'm afraid that I'm the only one with feelings, and he just likes my company and that's it. We never see each other in public because he doesn't want to be seen with me, that's what I sense from him. Probably he doesn't want people to think that he is a fucboy and is already with another person after his long relationship (that's my hunch). 1 week ago I saw him and we didn't have sex because I had my period. Well, he said to me we could see each other anyways because he ""likes my company"". He didn't say ""oh you have your period? stay at home"". This could be a good sign, maybe he likes me and is not just using me. But I?m not rational. I always think that he doesn't feel love or interest, that I'm in love while he's not. I don't think this is good for my BPD. Today I saw his ex on facebook, finally I found her lol. I got even more jealous, looked at her and so on. They are still friends. I feel jealousy and I don't want to. I had thoughts like ""why they are still friends? back off"". The thing that hurts me the most is probably that I'm like a secret and that I can't see him in public. Because of his stupid fear of judgment from others??? Also that we will never be in a normal relationship. Its' so sad that I don't want to see him ever again, but after our nights together I fee llike I'm more attached and I miss him more (with every night). I want to be distant like him. I don't know what he feels, but for some reason I always end up in situations like this when I date. With people that are distant or don't want commitment. It's sad because we have many things in common. This is all over the place probably. I hate that I feel this way.",1.6221322044936493,3.3379951012048217,3.512999023119505,89.85343210680561,78.71084337349397,6.896125040703352,21.09573428850537,7.824948511530503,0.7210742429176165,1537,41,346,25,37,518,174,415,0.128,0.7959999999999999,0.076,-0.9517,0,0,0,0,0,0,54.0,6,2,2,1,17,28,3,4,11,1,36,3,0,2,6,70,77,21,0,10,14,1,5,7,2,1,0,4,1,2,32,22,0,1,13,0,1,0,19,13,1,1,13,17,58,15,38,57,9,46,0,6,8,3,60,16,0,4,35,225,90,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06301043957796093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844142110844804,0.11368946549432933,0.11829284169376204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453630811326965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054658134818133294,0.0,0.21665647820497425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952605138891986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350735051931332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591617744040345,0.0,0.0,0.04694938955409112,0.06429828488496768,0.059890159647899024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23996307496214345,0.17970750190937054,0.050781426509332456,0.0,0.07786751820519308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793840634998955,0.10983648706369373,0.0,0.0,0.06818891088561638,0.0,0.11924143150835342,0.05685125194805728,0.0,0.0,0.07038295356321758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017935518514104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510267384472273,0.07130164754556594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609539776050607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03906514019444374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430915885956092,0.0,0.0,0.12581173542349522,0.059691484759009476,0.07952325166377948,0.0,0.0,0.12830965074242598,0.0,0.0,0.07206660361256534,0.07141202988166499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964657263557837,0.0,0.0,0.13341241719570066,0.1392917193323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048167412110956674,0.054061523456133735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855945497514457,0.062066588039652586,0.07426619203175842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299172089113359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730847557155809,0.0,0.4578966887233762,0.0,0.0,0.20284750250456152,0.056527739757363075,0.0,0.0,0.22657452920801324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989982515413632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757645980356559,0.11353331877066301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444824716822513,0.13664058738390694,0.0,0.0564316475818149,0.0,0.0,0.06737799713289072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061392547163105625,0.0,0.05865059268263063,0.25155816919916657,0.05642206244205705,0.05701817730205519,0.0,0.0639117976845773,0.0,0.06414099392927385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pyrami,2020/03/08,"Bad thoughts Awhile ago, I made a pact with myself that I won’t kill myself until after my mom is gone. The first time I attempted suicide, I was 16. I had to be admitted to the ICU and she slept next to my hospital bed every night. The look of pain on her face was absolutely unforgettable, that’s real love. I can’t put her through that again. Now I can’t stop imagining (not hoping) but idealizing something happening to her so I can just go ahead and get it over with? I don’t want anything bad to happen to my mom, EVER but it’s a way for my brain to process a way out?",1.4697520661157029,3.2308763057851277,3.5231404958677714,89.39561983471077,79.33057851239671,7.044628099173554,22.570247933884296,8.00094639256281,1.0146958677685949,447,14,101,8,11,152,82,121,0.142,0.7879999999999999,0.071,-0.8541,0,0,1,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,4,5,7,1,0,6,0,10,5,3,1,1,19,23,6,2,3,4,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,5,0,1,3,0,0,3,5,4,0,1,7,1,19,3,18,14,0,20,0,0,1,1,8,3,0,1,12,69,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346952188598245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247144534297854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891130567183455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19327061830207246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660622438882552,0.1458697039474877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726450349460593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090453410728714,0.0,0.09839391172390363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30619701928567705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719574042390267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19154297191998654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538580730412431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625681144815426,0.1638200300973767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4055361162292941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841259866055537,0.1624710128814815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842227942017642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404372166841062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970601292592212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328412599466471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474464252561334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18937639497997208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744608086575827,0.10095364193470824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021167079933966,0.2748454702046616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,luisrof,2020/03/08,"Have you ever been diagnosed with a different disorder instead of BPD? before or after been diagnosed with BPD. So my doc recently told me that I may not have BPD. I'm not sure what I have but she said it might be dysthymia instead. Have you been diagnosed with other disorders instead of BPD? I remember years ago I was told I might have bipolar disorder, then it changed to some strange brain disorder, then BPD and now possibly dysthymia. I'm just annoyed that I have to constantly change my pills and treatments because of the misdiagnosis.",5.4498,7.5859609799999985,5.923000000000003,74.86150000000002,69.2,10.2,36.5,10.411451182825502,4.4235000000000015,438,24,74,13,8,141,60,100,0.162,0.838,0.0,-0.937,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,7,2,1,0,2,0,14,6,1,0,2,17,19,7,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,1,12,1,9,8,1,9,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,5,9,59,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117914192789098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270247250507326,0.0,0.08752624382500422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6477425487354572,0.11482572513484507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176243826032139,0.0,0.0,0.1111550672909546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132020606698522,0.0,0.10746675803347636,0.4715456690317542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304271613583556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21823631015884426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595914177115642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156179425624444,0.0,0.11652027515392326,0.0,0.09784336978900016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694428820062573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965741857015688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623843719635814 bpd,092mlk,2020/03/08,"Feeling empty Hi guys I'm new here. I'm battling borderline since years. So since two days I literally feel like dying. I have no motivation to do anything like I can't even get out of bed and I've got this emptiness inside of me. Somehow my meds don't seem to work atm. I had a lot of those episodes before but this time they feel much worse I just wanna lay in bed and die. I used all my coping mechanisms but nothing seems to work. Does someone have any tips that would help me? Thanks in advance",0.5484316654219583,2.9567363300970904,2.0495145631067966,94.48045556385364,88.61165048543688,4.722628827483198,20.54443614637789,6.297961479604792,0.1396413741598206,394,13,85,4,13,127,76,103,0.149,0.7240000000000001,0.127,-0.5248,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,4,5,4,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,2,1,18,18,5,2,2,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,3,0,0,6,0,1,1,3,1,0,1,2,3,11,3,10,15,3,8,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,4,6,47,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024291050265525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550688285309618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504598544715781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403355801337235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670201893093391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547354046771013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116787211095578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682148350845147,0.1263194523678999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238057357305124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141822130948442,0.0,0.0,0.1750785033285164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851797668171135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727695591390339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503250995806958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964059289682045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998223127267874,0.0,0.0,0.17077278852356012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16966249650238002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32193855835866136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925328306901399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981807409593806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627910801504833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310451834909352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727263655049905,0.0,0.0,0.1527147516363835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574525197663069,0.0,0.18019355785448585,0.1256070682846197,0.0,0.0,0.11386556974745544 bpd,kristen0522,2020/03/08,I was sexually assaulted last night by my friend’s boyfriend Feeling numb and could use some support,9.55,9.994762888888893,7.818888888888887,71.065,59.0,11.644444444444444,45.77777777777778,11.20814326018867,5.344044444444443,84,5,14,2,1,25,18,18,0.264,0.545,0.191,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,5,5,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,2,1,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35463129016332506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22458423340012548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431624025774213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620554717755337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4168207381941217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5040355657528914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836177676116309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,uglyslut777,2020/03/08,"anyone else get doubts bpd is ""real""? not your experiences, i don't doubt they're real but the more i read, the more i educate myself, the more i get the understanding of the cluster of symptoms associated with bpd as ""nothing more"" than an understandable response to trauma (not trying to minimise your suffering) that maybe the response to this shouldn't be medicalized, that the idea of mental illness being caused by ""chemicals in the brain being unbalanced"" is on par with hippocratic medicine and the idea of sickness being caused by 4 mysterious humours in your body being unbalanced",10.728058252427182,10.04999578640777,10.201281553398058,58.61532038834953,57.15533980582524,12.900194174757285,41.95922330097088,11.979248473330829,5.339902524271844,478,22,71,12,5,155,65,103,0.087,0.897,0.015,-0.8071,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,2,10,0,9,6,2,2,0,17,13,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,8,1,16,7,4,3,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,2,0,54,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276563292585585,0.16524295604750014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791376313372655,0.4062346808026245,0.18003368733900454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313430082485945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472266029991828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577556622255654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851667582940866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641145327545477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202011992252388,0.0,0.0,0.1624652947944319,0.16252496615511344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15474552071757294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16131635886076642,0.36712731619235495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676241023242974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949358806261006,0.0,0.0,0.33578117024861504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,skyevalentino,2020/03/08,"nobody would ever know unless I told them. I'm 22F with bpd, ptsd, depression, general anxiety, and anorexia. I was diagnosed with these when I started therapy January 2019, and I've been going every week/twice a month since then. in my professional life, I am the epitome of high functioning and put together. on time, hardworking, diligent, dedicated, competent, passionate, efficient, self motivated, you name it. I've worked as a professional photographer and studio manager, high end fashion photography producer, network marketing professional, content creator, entrepreneur, etc. I'm well respected by my colleagues and am often sought out for collaborations because I'm good at what I do, and I care. my personal life on the other hand. I've been through countless relationships, all of whom i think are ""the one"" and I even got engaged to a sociopath 8 years my senior when I was 18. I feel like I've left a string of destruction in my wake, and that everyone from my past fucking despises me, from friends to colleagues to ex partners. I constantly feel as though I'm trying to show everyone up, manipulate them into doing what I want, subtly put them down and make them feel bad about themselves, I cheat, I lie, I steal, I starve myself, I lie some more... most recently, I left my partner of 8 months, who's everything I ever thought I wanted. I'm leaving him for a number of reasons, which are getting muddled in my head, as logic seems to when I'm having an episode. I think I might be polyamorous (or just desperate for sexual/romantic validation, who knows), I don't feel any emotions for him and haven't since our 4th month of dating, I'm rude and condescending toward him for NO REASON and he can't even tell I'm being a bitch, he wants more affection that I can give (I feel broken in that I can't feel love anymore), I readily develop feelings for men other than him, I feel like he's too nice to me and I'm bored, etc. maybe I'm running away from something good because I feel I don't deserve it. I think I'm a fucking bad person, to my core, and I don't want to subject such a lovely man to my corrupt essence. maybe this will be the rest of my life.. either alone, or an abuser. this is rambly. sorry.",6.901719858156028,6.887810853427903,7.658690898345156,71.54562500000002,64.5791962174941,11.210756501182034,36.53752955082742,10.864195022040775,4.087053664302601,1753,80,317,44,24,587,235,423,0.13,0.737,0.132,-0.2734,0,1,1,0,1,0,75.0,1,1,4,4,14,25,7,0,14,0,25,12,3,7,3,61,68,25,0,5,5,1,10,2,3,3,4,0,1,7,16,18,0,0,20,1,0,4,7,12,1,1,7,10,56,13,48,55,9,39,0,1,0,5,32,17,3,7,20,200,72,10,0.0,0.1010343038773098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831688620187098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05798841652870927,0.0,0.06523344554856247,0.0,0.08456768719790655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011658658213115,0.0,0.14239842381966442,0.1039629940158604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739808499984416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694128534217542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214958464889142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344532299629017,0.08655007970788935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592040340665657,0.07552637538347633,0.0,0.19020338764445224,0.11264373781250288,0.1542682282595256,0.07184599741338933,0.16296359677133393,0.07663767888725329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880483309421335,0.1218377863437774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588154057250656,0.15766662752464594,0.04455150958273646,0.08180142353789321,0.048462487657846456,0.14304552918349978,0.06820043433548195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751447649670238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019075395721912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372738285769976,0.0,0.0,0.09029156471743748,0.18529825634199806,0.0,0.18069206522263534,0.08331994890139101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392403175329686,0.0,0.0569202447676246,0.0,0.1713359438120306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090460947155041,0.0,0.0,0.20419176538288614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778304459829324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140252013440345,0.0,0.14891380988032524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967932000848996,0.17144539871427691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753492460521106,0.08419658576978509,0.09155105643128053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762913896841338,0.08895810991116626,0.0,0.0,0.1410770544680688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564715435979647,0.0,0.09545589911771517,0.060356514662770665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745321708411334,0.0,0.09751685889060632,0.0,0.0,0.1639180684350132,0.08378007628669533,0.06769706459345867,0.04972324547888547,0.0,0.0,0.08148179838566696,0.0,0.05789462216496285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011843868826544,0.0,0.0684006829008902,0.0,0.07667047271416459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06207960157553194,0.0,0.0,0.06057533840614838,0.0,0.0,0.05491287643647346 bpd,Prince_of_Pretty,2020/03/08,"Lost Control I feel like I’ve lost control over every little thing in my life, and I don’t know how to fix it. I’m dissociating pretty much constantly, I’m always ill but won’t go to the doctor, my relationship is really struggling because I don’t feel emotion as much anymore, I’m spending really impulsively, I’m smoking dope way too much, I’m drinking way too much, isolating myself and I’m scared I’m never gonna get any better. Someone please help.",1.2534249084249112,3.881594406593411,3.8356318681318697,81.06978479853483,88.45054945054945,6.110256410256411,24.06684981684981,7.492282038375204,1.6476586080586078,365,15,66,7,12,127,60,91,0.141,0.7070000000000001,0.152,0.2525,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,5,3,6,0,2,1,0,4,4,0,3,1,10,19,5,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,2,1,2,3,1,1,1,4,4,0,0,2,2,6,2,5,15,4,8,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,29,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270192377867572,0.0,0.0,0.1038090401459532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139041486038138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305564167408176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500886824348082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649632893064722,0.3424258660114524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624646093471176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495414865185571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717136904941673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861644577102907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15437153822838068,0.1090550873000082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975471178019508,0.0,0.08675602177126948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231985692908883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389390702738894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782308476765746,0.07457837649508059,0.15299806369478935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332768113263183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488690637323892,0.0,0.1177351383455344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756677456032973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553026298498998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195586399494642,0.0,0.0,0.16389182290870133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528319382192647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934209928385912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958569954823892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141564099593213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423371444334769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,imjustakiid,2020/03/08,Is it possible to have BPD without impulsivity? Can someone with bpd have self control like a healthy person?,5.382631578947367,8.627205421052633,6.1255263157894735,68.06618421052633,73.73684210526315,8.010526315789475,41.078947368421055,8.841846274778883,4.608663157894737,89,6,13,2,2,29,17,19,0.0,0.742,0.258,0.6767,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7093350801097664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158403022457645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757638841697128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458837819619044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31746365619443073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937720352292226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23860024481649106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714540333236621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,royalB117,2020/03/08,"Need Some Help I guess I tired killing myself last month and it didn't work. I sent all my friends a suicide note to say goodbye, welp I'm still not dead. And to kick me while I'm down half of those friends ghosted me, blocked me, and told me I was too much to handle and want nothing to do with me. They all refused to check on me in the hospital. Only 1 guy came by and the other guy that came by was the VP for my club who told me I was banned from the discord and the club. My ex basically spends 8 hours a day in our club room so every time I'm there I get triggered by her. Our breakup was messy as fuck and I spend way too many days thinking about all my regrets. I hate how she basically got to keep the friend group while I got exiled. She's popular and likable, and smart and she just coasts through life and is supported by everyone because she has depression and is more popular and relatable. I struggle everyday just to get by and be happy and functioning and everyone just blames me for being too sensitive and not having enough willpower, whatever the fuck that means? I feel alone everyday on our college campus and it's made all the worse by the fact that I'm graduating in 2 months. I went back to college after 5 years to reconnect with people, rebuild my social life, have some friends, and just feel fucking normal again. Maybe build a second home for myself in a positive community. It's all fucked now. I don't even care about graduating. And I'm trying to go to grad school so I can keep running away from the fact I have no idea what I'm doing. I wish everyday that I just died last month. I hate seeing my friend group have fun together, while they leave me off to the side. I hate seeing everybody couple up while I feel alone, I hate seeing my ex happy because I know I'll never get to laugh or smile with her ever again because she won't let me because she won't forgive me. People just seem afraid or uncomfortable around me. I feel like I've failed at everything I ever tried to do and all I have to show for it are some hobbies, skills, and academia shit that I don't really care about. I just wanted people in my life and it all feels gone. The few friends that stayed we're just going to drift apart because my grad school choices are overseas. I'm just going to have to start all over again and things will probably go to shit again. Because they always do. I keep trying to break this stupid cycle and I keep getting trapped I this loop. Honestly I'm too much of a coward to try and kill myself again because my attempts keep failing but God I wish someone would just put me out of my misery.",3.937135380665549,5.002449071294564,4.580450775155526,87.20541892959417,71.42026266416511,7.711839636614988,26.97190678384517,8.032893268588372,1.4908566604127582,2077,69,436,28,38,664,252,533,0.152,0.76,0.08800000000000001,-0.98,1,3,0,0,0,3,39.0,3,0,3,5,33,38,13,2,17,0,30,10,2,3,13,95,91,37,6,8,15,2,5,1,6,4,4,1,2,2,18,33,0,8,11,4,3,12,9,19,0,2,15,9,72,19,60,69,16,63,0,4,3,4,35,18,6,7,31,281,90,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456567982326845,0.0,0.0,0.05405503365598167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057831499401014924,0.0,0.0,0.06103556976579544,0.049953104090882314,0.0,0.27720903944576536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486024181043494,0.13246971977744784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188113980663463,0.0,0.08379247261835067,0.0,0.05595317183310039,0.0,0.06742210297314036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712490663916493,0.0,0.042907935867230386,0.11752683945074613,0.05473475062523606,0.12415127009717294,0.05838521829204906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423808786488334,0.046410106981232116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30114493420927835,0.2402317136702512,0.1357634860552134,0.0,0.14768155622467385,0.0,0.10391487070342258,0.0,0.07156488082616723,0.12864862722687462,0.0,0.13831021292304202,0.0,0.2565529648063522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043543823804568366,0.0,0.06516392543481782,0.0,0.06397619539379887,0.0,0.0,0.07333615211494651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887137735370838,0.14374550051642335,0.0,0.03570237112830562,0.105908233156315,0.0,0.06878721788682818,0.0,0.06642982292266741,0.1376574268015757,0.03173800065009013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061470259088388386,0.0,0.0658630332650963,0.0652648059413206,0.07076455480432542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556030621513978,0.0,0.09551164362959576,0.04816978813196328,0.05010403917274205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365066954769147,0.062334458120080635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04940784967327492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511302745407608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004189652188683,0.0,0.0,0.06530649919491058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04161743367207251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05166177143653767,0.0,0.1314935410009538,0.1553030634808041,0.059140546664552936,0.0,0.0,0.13336868578083716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622234920622648,0.055043563886456086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04598166770052374,0.06924270037153513,0.051880124607295734,0.0,0.0,0.06791420347345846,0.0,0.07105978467788275,0.07372007935006121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043159020497992716,0.041626139807239,0.0,0.0,0.037880877704357586,0.07466625959317592,0.0,0.12415127009717294,0.0,0.1764244534602817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663459094563929,0.05156519093760386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602220354166235,0.0,0.0,0.14941018391100996,0.0,0.0,0.04729437454392571,0.0,0.06620359842124103,0.046148375150567834,0.0,0.0,0.04183451696788109 bpd,Gambinoboi,2020/03/08,"Does this sound like BPD? So my mental healthy hasnt been great atm, I'm 19 now and since I was around 15 I'd become obsessed with a certain topic. One time, I was scared that information was going to get put online of me, I stressed about this every day for over a year, constantly looking up stuff on Google, it took over my life basically until and realised I was being stupid. Recently it has been hairloss, I'm so obsessed over the thought of myself going bald, I'll constantly look at mirrors and search up stuff every day, leaving me unable to do anything else. I also get really bad ups and downs, and I feel like sometimes I'm way too empathetic, ill randomly think of my fsmily or stuff which has happened to them and get really really sad. My mum has Borderline personality disorder and I have spoken to her about this and she says she feels the same. I've been to the doctors for stress and they've given me some medication but I want a diagnosis",3.952251773049648,5.701946601063831,5.240553191489365,79.8136666666667,72.35106382978724,8.41758865248227,26.895035460992908,9.029198982220553,2.2080201418439716,763,27,145,16,15,254,119,188,0.115,0.8290000000000001,0.055999999999999994,-0.8293,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,8,12,1,5,6,0,14,5,1,0,1,23,32,15,0,1,2,1,2,2,0,0,4,2,0,1,10,11,0,0,5,0,1,4,1,8,0,1,10,6,20,4,24,21,2,24,0,1,2,0,8,10,0,3,11,93,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952386494862173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241302722353043,0.11078827074609546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391185151907084,0.0,0.1374469667388019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674237905989002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26897584118504386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052191693241322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426322659822879,0.1273814417704246,0.10890839595291883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039633063674664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097116081822444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585289286050494,0.08890821698981859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19506240551824736,0.0,0.1414573753463562,0.0,0.0,0.13720828064017748,0.0,0.0,0.11005210060295556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317762291838976,0.0,0.0,0.08790381498354705,0.12160148864825147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20901592744438355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537185043104818,0.1254178978586902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433159566740274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866629901058387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251081882576685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391805620038094,0.0,0.12288089831671906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896887302620397,0.12459771902976514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294761376852707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308577181754247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851176754975515,0.0,0.4274017730227658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974353241476362,0.0,0.09880063466462326,0.07256870353834277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382702586863649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340475258413204,0.09878385298391737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014272222532752 bpd,UpperIncrease,2020/03/08,"Hyperballad by Bjork I was misdiagnosed with BPD when I just have PTSD, but despite this, I still exhibit some BDP traits. I just don't have the criteria to get diagnosed, so take my recommendation with a grain of salt. I used to get irrationally upset with my partner and cause him pain. Something that helped me a lot was Bjork's Hyperballad. In the song, Bjork goes to a cliff to throw objects off at sunrise. She says here: ""I feel that words can have a mysticism or a hidden meaning. On Hyperballad, the idea that I'm throwing car parts from a cliff is about getting out my frustrations."" She explains how she does this in order to be able to return to her partner and not take out her troubles on him ""'Hyper-ballad' is about having this kind of bag going on and three years have passed and you're not high anymore. You have to make an effort consciously and nature's not helping you anymore. So you wake up early in the morning and you sneak outside and you do something horrible and destructive, break whatever you can find, watch a horrible film, read a bit of William Burroughs, something really gross and come home and be like, 'Hi honey, how are you?'"" I listen to this song as a reminder to myself to think and examine my feelings of anger towards my partner. If they are irrational I make a strong attempt to destroy them through other activities. This helps me a lot and saved my boyfriend hurt.",4.998458646616541,6.665541740601505,5.300759398496241,80.747530075188,69.56390977443608,8.327518796992482,30.969172932330828,8.841846274778883,2.562932932330828,1117,47,206,20,20,354,157,266,0.18600000000000005,0.764,0.05,-0.9922,0,0,3,0,0,0,30.0,0,7,2,3,11,13,4,1,16,0,18,3,1,6,0,46,35,21,0,1,8,0,2,1,4,0,2,4,1,3,9,18,0,0,9,4,0,6,4,9,0,1,2,9,33,4,37,31,5,26,0,1,1,0,27,13,0,5,6,145,42,1,0.1455069782526735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886076470704944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885593427495792,0.0,0.18326094539599325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947574840734154,0.0,0.12534137769631726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768652002863353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273341372231375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147145400400132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329907420417709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280641716739023,0.0,0.08269496895062406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925907811019083,0.15373611141141252,0.14595536310126508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576822966639212,0.1642596672770033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152312663307635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108735973288965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474096590632797,0.0,0.0,0.19425407572772566,0.0,0.0,0.1584997561495286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482968386560347,0.0,0.0,0.15756987789612706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17008987098058706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455463545074676,0.0,0.0932154961877818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571298932899378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360551420600411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620206079161133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188062781582715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323499635004116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256713108512155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370172336104586 bpd,descents,2020/03/08,"How to help a partner who does not know she has BPD I(M) don't know if I am just overreacting but I've been seeing the signs of a BPD on my partner (F). It is not diagnosed as in my country, going to such places would make people think you're crazy which is just backward thinking. So I think Im assuming atm, but I've seen the following: people pleasing, not confronting people at all even if they're way out of their boundaries, splitting where she thinks Im the greatest(shows it too) when we're not fighting and the moment we do, It was like I was her enemy doing her best to get on my nerves (calling me dumb/worthless/useless - my greatest insecurities atm), I've been with her for almost a year, and Amidst all these, I think her love is the greatest and the best, I know she cares for me 100x more than anyone else. I just want to know how to help her without her knowing the illness, I don't want her to identify herself and all the action she does cause of BPD (I've read upon the struggles lurking here for a week). We're going to have an LDR relationship soon which I am kinda worried about. And also, for those partners without BPD, how do you keep yourself sane during the fights and where do you get your self worth when the person you value most attacks that self worth(sounds dramatic, please help me level this down so I can understand) Thank you for the response, sorry if I assumed the illness without it being diagnosed, I guess I just want to make sense of all her actions",5.6044444444444474,5.913274440677968,5.761666666666668,82.94468455743879,67.30508474576271,8.04708097928437,30.96516007532957,7.594959193182576,1.9167137476459508,1180,43,231,11,18,374,157,295,0.10800000000000001,0.684,0.207,0.9888,0,0,0,0,3,0,36.0,1,5,1,2,20,12,4,2,18,0,20,5,0,6,4,58,48,20,0,7,16,0,0,1,3,1,4,0,0,6,11,9,0,1,13,1,3,5,9,6,0,0,5,2,39,6,31,41,10,24,0,0,2,1,35,12,0,9,7,163,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273355253697388,0.0,0.0,0.07405859830501173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475367922708912,0.09488785805397992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053549894736096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943728022537667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4665462256378754,0.0,0.0945631402798807,0.0,0.09442004605705108,0.09513394424157352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18799037718610925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16208380074636722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773621155961316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06116672229100024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967677339978897,0.0,0.10526254123536373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201817222873667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621960653505076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000651014866888,0.0,0.0,0.08231426122278965,0.0,0.0,0.2544747231249479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04524359964186166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358235164245402,0.0,0.12363314187007067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926082171314948,0.08086174900735278,0.09675566789602323,0.20331158756146256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926330787556548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942635343832262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379660011507554,0.0,0.19322071906121105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366709389721528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681400746774388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526102042857668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29669739200625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640821243415372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386782471058844,0.07350793391046442,0.0742845657781277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678124730453232,0.0,0.0,0.09404793728552337,0.0,0.06578607872795537,0.0,0.0,0.05963652713265999 bpd,vegozmia,2020/03/08,"just came home from rehab It's been 5 days since I was discharged from rehab (stayed for 5 months, drug abuse since I was 14) and came home. I'm 22 and live with my parents. I know something like this would happen and it is: rehab was amazing, I learned a lot and was able to free myself from some traumas that haunted me since my childhood. I feel like I changed, even if it was only a bit, but I changed and I feel way more conscious. My parents didn't. My mom still the same compulsive obsessive shopper and hoarder, my father's still the same alcoholic with dificults on anger management. I feel I won't be able to recover in this enviroment. I too have problems with anger management and almost everyday I'm letting it leak when my mom starts talking to me. Since I arrived on tuesday she's been trying to go out with me and I just don't want to leave the house. I'd rather stay all day in bed reading a book or something than go out. She'll ask me everyday to go out somewhere and I say NO and she does what? gets mad at me. This pisses me off on a level that I can't even begin to explain. I guess she's thinking that I'd return from rehab as someone else, with another personality, a whole new person, no personality defects. Well, that's not what happened.",2.4784595788043475,4.440227277343752,3.7774320652173934,87.80479619565217,77.0078125,6.483423913043477,26.755434782608692,7.423996415210882,1.3894071331521736,997,40,204,13,23,326,140,256,0.175,0.778,0.047,-0.9881,2,0,4,0,1,0,27.0,0,0,0,0,10,13,4,1,8,0,17,7,1,0,1,45,38,15,0,5,7,5,3,2,0,3,6,1,3,3,13,20,1,0,8,2,1,5,7,8,1,0,10,4,33,6,29,23,8,33,0,0,0,0,16,11,1,6,16,132,46,5,0.20420883268698148,0.12097703712931933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911856913534647,0.10224282401562283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706538318421284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545384619811524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147157783510966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335605027401464,0.0,0.0,0.21602586785790456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169780330787986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935226281170834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840870695168068,0.0,0.08529513810244532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348780080503814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488118239314072,0.07294341543721683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053345343335100166,0.0,0.17408487841561138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247952595603866,0.0,0.18058119633507108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20483810935553007,0.0,0.0,0.11781478765903605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05611391696120916,0.0,0.0,0.10811383419388212,0.0,0.10440868349707552,0.0,0.09976612066429333,0.0,0.09016007027092668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680552348675435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391669167668803,0.08149877099242113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861308155743327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765500963043827,0.0,0.0,0.2267497422128647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674609140006109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770013693809046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213204724863237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119753004753501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378473132690425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651274062648494,0.15720993614333825,0.0,0.0,0.07227003141646955,0.21765944479456248,0.16308143757112628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206766221034749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542438719727538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693221963873159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06022383019359868,0.0810457331240823,0.0,0.0,0.09180413254024514,0.0,0.0,0.11399593448858575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253204785159569,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ThrowinItAllAway113,2020/03/08,"Does anybody know of a living place like this? I’m trying to become more independent but truth is I’ll never be able to be truly on my own for an array of issues. My family and I are trying to find me a place to live but are struggling with what it’s called, can anyone help me with the name based on this description? It’s kind of like a sober living but for mental health or like a group home but with apartments. I’m not sure if anyone’s seen the show Unbelievable, but it’s what the main character lived in. It has support staff and group but residents are mostly independent. Anybody know what that would be?",3.995017921146953,5.191790903225812,4.913978494623656,84.37152329749105,71.41935483870971,7.769175627240144,22.648745519713263,8.167268648758528,1.060821863799283,488,11,99,7,9,159,75,124,0.046,0.764,0.19,0.9592,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,1,8,0,10,1,0,2,3,25,16,10,0,2,9,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,10,5,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,5,7,15,11,4,7,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,3,4,64,15,1,0.1583258518573196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22141023375610647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17485846434597255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166839663776944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385520198994281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492555224911095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470696028294125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829297687372044,0.0,0.0,0.10612248113423844,0.0,0.15881373851379255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525105499134654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487201087089812,0.17402349520409785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320500416094101,0.0,0.5592185114163396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595552200344015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122110657431528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308336345021877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551655658919848,0.0,0.0,0.17966630044145665,0.14922024166603154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149857212585084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247014256883173,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Dasvanina,2020/03/08,"Are behavioural problems during childhood common for people with bpd? I’ve been told I have traits for bpd and I am doing research to gain a better perspective, could anyone fill this in?",5.2931372549019615,7.874946352941179,4.794705882352943,80.87284313725492,70.76470588235293,5.7098039215686285,26.03921568627451,6.42735559955562,1.2843450980392157,152,5,23,1,3,46,30,34,0.07400000000000001,0.743,0.183,0.6072,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,5,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,16,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151418285149312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721240514972252,0.0,0.0,0.7750417371533833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456629460401246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21331134907587576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29441480100843903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940080103257925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sexynerdxx27,2020/03/08,High functioning bpd I have struggled with many aspects of Bpd throughout my life. I have high functioning bpd I dont even get therapy bc insurance wont pay for it anymore. And even though I am mostly over it once in a while I still feel impulsive or overly emotional about situations. Anyone ever feel impulsive mainly shopping and how do you deal with it??,4.469601990049751,6.911931208955224,5.320223880597017,76.80829601990051,72.73134328358209,9.242786069651741,30.56965174129353,9.725611199111238,3.4275890547263685,289,13,49,8,6,94,49,67,0.039,0.9079999999999999,0.053,-0.2177,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,1,1,0,6,1,0,1,1,10,9,6,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,8,8,2,8,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,3,37,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597534697486918,0.11702143782482174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6323491281216057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253997747282895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19614372573186314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18825656423749695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22107833485174436,0.151385969990243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692436713653855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743826993807087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536483484492535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821074618704955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967595187505818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17823207668001162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18811874305278095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365326632784355,0.0,0.0,0.1749601642823548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913898207052824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644295556850642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,maiege,2020/03/08,I don’t think anybody knows how painful it is to not know who the fuck you are every day of your waking life This illness is agony,0.730952380952381,2.8685768571428567,1.5357142857142847,100.67595238095241,84.0,3.733333333333334,20.047619047619047,3.1291,-0.7276809523809522,104,3,24,0,3,32,27,28,0.35100000000000003,0.649,0.0,-0.8979,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,4,5,1,1,0,5,8,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819941757183572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.368407337876625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4042364544271419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4806093150335102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088470948078861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4652715906827218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280176216704906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,myshirtiswet,2020/03/08,"BPD ruined yet another relationship. I need some advice on how to make things better or at least feel better. I was in a relationship for half an year and it was great, except for the last two months when my mood swings, anger outbursts and splitting took over. My ex wasn't perfect either, she had her fair share of overreacting and depression. But we promised to love and help each other through this. The difference between me and her is that she always tried to understand me and help me, no matter how shitty she felt. I never noticed that until it was too late. I was too busy blaming her bad days for making me feel like crap, endlessly complaining about stuff, turning things around to make it seem like I'm the victim, being a narcissist. And I did it unconsciously. Until one day she snapped and said she gives up. That was the moment I realized there really is something wrong with ME. I instantly booked a therapy session and as I was sitting at home, crying and making a list of things to talk about with my new therapist, I realized it sounds a lot like BPD so I googled it and did some research. Now I'm pretty certain I have BPD. My session is tomorrow. This is the second time we break up because of me and my shitty behavior. She hasn't blocked nor unfriended me on any social media. She said we can stay friends but she needs some time. It's been almost a week and I still haven't texted her (apart from sending her a song and she replied with ""thanks"" but that's it). I'm heartbroken and I can't sleep at night because of the guilt. I thought it'd hurt less if you're the toxic one but it actually hurts more than you can imagine. I can't forgive myself. And only now do I realize I did all this toxic stuff out of fear that she might leave me, so my brain was like ""ok, gotta keep our distance and be ready for the worst just in case"" yet I'm dependent on the other person. I couldn't let myself trust her and love her, I was always scared she might hurt me (while I was the only one doing the hurtful things) And whenever she'd try to politely tell me that I'm wrong or overreacting, we'd end up fighting because I can't take the blame. Because I have to be perfect. Because there's no way I'm wrong. Because I never learned how to take criticism because my parents were perfectionists and it was never enough. I'm trying not to use my past as an excuse, but everything finally makes so much sense. I'm going to fight the urge to text her until I talk to my therapist. I lover her and I wish I hadn't fucked up so bad.",3.2970416068866584,4.924966439215686,4.300435198469632,86.38586083213775,73.82352941176471,7.4854136776661875,25.772357723577237,8.176038313617813,1.525844093735055,2004,68,409,32,41,650,245,510,0.19,0.6990000000000001,0.111,-0.9945,1,0,1,0,3,0,51.0,5,1,0,4,21,43,6,3,22,1,43,7,3,10,7,85,80,44,0,5,12,2,3,4,2,3,0,4,1,1,28,30,0,2,12,2,0,3,15,22,0,6,23,7,75,20,51,46,13,52,0,6,0,4,52,16,2,12,33,290,103,5,0.0,0.0,0.06882674436533047,0.0,0.0,0.06892073766283603,0.0,0.0,0.07062523595493801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737260350059807,0.0,0.0,0.047962566620357056,0.0739564661167367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278632339996025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177785892067454,0.3009594525527503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475545151679908,0.0,0.0,0.26648879802504505,0.078734392064864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747348618352409,0.09097155250665606,0.0,0.060747066535593475,0.0,0.0,0.07368845135540034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06246831742906204,0.07287596102626355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338748321295527,0.0,0.0,0.07936544158558101,0.07132379970141105,0.05038638140340615,0.06771950483767357,0.07726176165024605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544910167911932,0.0652035059684201,0.0,0.0676584473406654,0.04008361379771287,0.0,0.0,0.07775916550922699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454904789885273,0.0,0.07074696901753794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020137084097174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268997533549718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057491061502324525,0.0795604941242981,0.07468069396018683,0.0,0.07212132468679328,0.0,0.13782885752740734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996176883286367,0.12731148855886476,0.0,0.2353953767958657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964158237761854,0.0,0.0,0.05629607737064945,0.0,0.05184739292168785,0.1045936531850646,0.16319039483985004,0.06811795566379382,0.0,0.06618727947252066,0.0,0.0,0.08029845064680315,0.0,0.0,0.14337810680003352,0.10728192283489084,0.0,0.0,0.07831480693480228,0.0,0.06732851194649073,0.0,0.0615837520200283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175398905547868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04518308666859988,0.0,0.0,0.15144485420033588,0.0,0.0,0.13417965754394975,0.0,0.07061246311740925,0.0,0.0,0.06420752578422505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058056514949604,0.0718960752640328,0.0,0.05429715455085361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517520077540052,0.056325053221199024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16147910341052976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605900771844846,0.11337808914570467,0.06164600489751056,0.064934206884031,0.08065677804519919,0.1637806718278251,0.18742700754287744,0.0,0.0,0.05599264758262313,0.0822527882850777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836101349008763,0.14365496622102214,0.07671598379714162,0.06889719966020208,0.07342383166482416,0.0,0.06091495472499879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05598313700876095,0.056574614498874076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110559317539996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23133923377675156,0.0,0.045418768989766316 bpd,throwaway18009776,2020/03/08,"Splitting or probably having had enough My current FP/FWB were/are kinda seeing each other but not at all committed since we were in city 1. In city 2 ( where I moved for work/him 6 months after he did), I have stayed at my own place , a total of 20 nights in the last year. Rest were with him. So, no brainer that there would be an attachment ( I want to say possessiveness) especially because through all his bad times, every time he needed something, I was/am there at his beck and call. And god, this sounds horrible, but the least I deserve is idk, being there for me when I need it and not isolation or worse gaslighting ( ""idk whats up with you but i am not saying anything again or i am not calling you again - what is with guys and such sentences? Previous ex , mom used to say the same thing repeatedly. )  But I am still here. Mostly because, 1) i believe there is some karma from the past life and I am just here to do my deeds. I guess the limit is up now because I am starting to have expectations now. 2) I haven't met someone as hard-working, passionate and inspiring as him but at the same time I see what an ass he is - from his conversations, discussions, everything basically. Which is why probably everything he does irks me. Now, a smart 25 year old woman, would get out from this situation respectfully. Not me, i am not smart or 25 (yet). But I am practicing small things. Like getting out of there when it gets too much. Or practicing DBT skills. Yet, there is no cure to the anxiety - the constant feeling of I am not enough. Even though in my heart, and mind, I know thats not true. I also know that this person is not right for me, despite all his positives. I guess, this post is just for me. Self-realisation doesn't stick unless its written somewhere. B, for everything that you are and that you will be , for someone to be your partner, you have to be your own partner first, in every possible way. Putting your needs first, boundaries. And then if at all, you ever need companionship, there are always dogs at the rescue centers and streeties who need more of your love than any other person ( who can easily replace me). Rant over",2.9855832489878544,5.14312408413462,3.8833198380566816,86.71957489878542,76.1875,7.167408906882591,25.13006072874494,8.119692808369301,1.5026596153846152,1673,59,336,29,38,536,220,416,0.086,0.797,0.11800000000000001,0.9343,1,1,1,0,0,0,74.0,1,10,0,4,29,9,0,0,13,0,39,5,2,1,8,72,60,31,0,10,24,2,1,1,2,3,1,4,0,6,22,17,0,1,4,0,0,2,13,1,0,2,6,7,48,8,45,46,18,55,1,0,2,3,41,21,1,11,30,250,70,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750947338133462,0.07813537886199705,0.0,0.0,0.06385771810976784,0.0,0.07183605324188551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727472222205438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840564505714209,0.1717284234453659,0.0,0.0,0.10579728362326132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177229951410524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147651121888768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217573753134487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940551936275391,0.0,0.062022490754685175,0.08494124881486377,0.15823579000016005,0.0,0.2531837005350657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04748051883775882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974883350581887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471823810997067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20689096642334506,0.09297940033134484,0.0,0.0,0.08411924694169967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127630528808714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321400638229326,0.07654402710151369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663269416915718,0.045876591639910716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475173162518297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481594135961174,0.1099788475409535,0.07495301633617728,0.0998047440354746,0.06903000475613137,0.3481419204496773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881222364195735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853610909505202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964168182785075,0.0,0.16398613142473809,0.09810935248409493,0.0,0.0,0.1058622826440492,0.08993376189026796,0.0,0.202488084857378,0.0,0.0,0.0943991282887746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019322413274592,0.0,0.22402791067890204,0.0,0.0,0.1496581401432365,0.0,0.09796201114532213,0.0,0.0,0.07767808913628588,0.1055516634825246,0.0,0.0,0.15912855574392407,0.07229163561900091,0.0,0.0,0.06646550345990397,0.10008882172546653,0.07499159499922158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477085628639464,0.0,0.09225988249018532,0.0,0.16426796160513124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110262401693978,0.0,0.0,0.05538681962146077,0.07453636520962638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473345959890227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672598546692052,0.0,0.09569586576510723,0.13341295092713984,0.0,0.0,0.12094177402967232 bpd,mjiyn2010,2020/03/08,"Wishing I didn't have a FP Anyone else ever find themselves wishing they had never met their FP? I feel like much so much hurt could have been avoided had we never met. I love her more than anyone else in the world, but wish we had never met.",4.801333333333332,4.7673930000000055,5.07,88.39833333333334,69.0,6.666666666666668,24.66666666666667,3.1291,0.3332666666666664,190,4,40,0,3,60,35,50,0.11900000000000001,0.725,0.156,0.2446,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,2,0,2,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,8,1,0,0,4,14,16,2,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,8,1,8,2,2,7,3,6,0,1,0,1,9,2,0,0,5,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241185246211208,0.3534247270636837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770050792690475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881473473042019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600587005125066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720427065905316,0.1232101391072126,0.0,0.0,0.15763130390242908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846290108011752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425844561538637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556577965948518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535655197416352,0.0,0.3990505110537597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5949840694556301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,C227C227,2020/03/08,"Letting go I'm new here so i don't know if I'm using the right things. Also on mobile too. Recently my therapist told me to try cut contact with my ex ect and to find a way of letting go of what she did. And i cant bring myself to do it. We where friends for years before we dated and then she cheated on me the whole time. And even though she crushed everything i felt, i still have feelings towards her when i know i shouldn't. Now days drag out and feel empty and numb. I told all this to my therapist and he said to try my best to cut her out of my life but i just can't. I cant explain it but i just can't. Does anyone know any ways i can cope with it or have any advice?? I'm really lost rn.. Thank you for reading",-0.7214423740510689,1.160352925465837,1.6772153209109746,98.96881124913736,88.06832298136645,4.820013802622499,17.64009661835749,6.139981653823899,-0.4738988267770878,555,14,139,5,18,188,97,161,0.092,0.845,0.063,-0.3337,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,1,0,2,12,8,3,0,3,0,13,2,0,1,1,30,32,16,0,2,6,1,3,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,6,13,0,0,8,1,0,3,6,5,0,0,6,4,27,3,18,23,3,22,0,1,0,0,16,7,0,2,10,94,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449556749896646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186270710768709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017519386603886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372245065352488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622601699885874,0.0,0.15567318823267393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566672706675597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298129251134335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797686263071867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331800741860886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000985014298013,0.0,0.14242921458172475,0.0,0.13557964591376978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460675534962825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860955036485642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24457058403737594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033744459400985,0.10477659919421926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193012357377645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326724549098466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483796759474018,0.0,0.09503010339506436,0.0,0.14646739318386012,0.0,0.0,0.1266811508077811,0.1411048654493241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846414280197536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657111209169145,0.0,0.3444672625415747,0.09855019443705414,0.0,0.14574283817172085,0.0,0.0864979747022835,0.0,0.0,0.2834895617766085,0.0,0.20142561151000174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811772883691033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354900335757633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561579126638046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552579585434913 bpd,foxdelilah,2020/03/08,It's my first time staying in the hospital Hi everyone - I'm currently waiting for a bed as I'm being admitted for about a week. Does anyone have any helpful tips/advice for my first stay? Anything is appreciated as I'm a little shaken and very confused. Thanks :),2.214117647058824,4.9294907058823565,4.6151960784313735,77.1133823529412,83.11764705882355,7.321568627450981,28.10784313725491,8.344100000000001,2.678160784313725,210,10,36,5,6,73,40,51,0.066,0.6779999999999999,0.256,0.8845,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,9,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,7,8,0,9,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,5,20,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24688476887154526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180935051044965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665740412171904,0.0,0.20790783367838128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210940276429628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414160568108281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4298046366495271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16934467497813765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532197380478611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5385784510636376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23260439748696415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732112070639972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084611162729972,0.0,0.0,0.20265904135966484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sfielder137,2020/03/08,"Is there anyway to convince someone with BPD they’re being irrational My best friend has BPD, he believes no one cares about him and no one is to be trusted. Is there anything I can do to show him I’m trustworthy?",1.4909302325581422,4.0047371627907005,2.582604651162793,91.86413953488373,84.34883720930233,5.300465116279073,24.879069767441862,6.742157984588678,0.9887339534883728,170,7,34,2,5,54,33,43,0.12,0.545,0.336,0.9231,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,10,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,4,5,5,8,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,26,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232761611596723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30568872548830833,0.28473732355395154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6834450193751441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766324392342248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096238995933047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677117151119839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298915611452438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,trex-19,2020/03/08,"Aphantasia I’m not sure how to word this. But I have only recently realised that I can not picture things in my mind. Like the most I can get is a quick flashing image and I can’t concentrate on it. I was hoping for opinions on if the inability to recall people’s faces could make my abandonment issues worse. Like if they are somewhere else and I can’t see them, does my aphantasia mean that I see them as no longer existing in my life. Does* my subconscious (*or at least “did” before I learnt about aphantasia) kind of view them as no longer existing in my life and therefore abandoning me. Even if I can text them my brain sees them as a different person through text than they are through face to face contact. If my brain can’t rectify this dichotomy between the same person but behind phones vs face to face, does the pang of abandonment every time they go away stem from a true feeling of loss because to me they are a different person until we are face to face again. (I’m not sure if I used the correct flair so (if possible) I can change it if I’m wrong)",4.321147798742139,5.431014353773588,5.005962264150946,84.34532704402517,70.55660377358491,8.860880503144655,28.28427672955975,9.21078282632365,2.237527295597484,841,30,171,17,15,271,116,212,0.10800000000000001,0.84,0.052000000000000005,-0.8665,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,9,1,6,12,0,0,9,0,16,11,9,4,4,38,29,19,0,9,14,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,7,4,0,3,2,0,0,1,8,5,0,0,2,5,31,7,28,26,3,13,0,4,4,0,15,7,0,11,7,117,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711229104836153,0.0,0.0,0.0824733985643275,0.0,0.1151244361413982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30206361619050265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312212682122202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802050597471154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827049209899633,0.0,0.0,0.3551876268349188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130199979639627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893597954957788,0.0,0.11399024501010688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840824032941788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068504406286981,0.0,0.07689016842694275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437654365546026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121081284595866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088691096009287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19112299017019335,0.13219471830631374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030917351963164,0.0,0.0,0.14737381367472707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366074310550747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289647482348144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379517842939536,0.3543980656843797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252260611726526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358558286398933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234331764514309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25502423109896777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988270275765411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889047600276691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168497718833924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787519479642174,0.0,0.1479217312975014,0.0,0.0 bpd,disposablepageandman,2020/03/08,"I'm afraid love will never feel safe I've dealt with BPD and PTSD for most of my life. I've been to therapy, hospitals, taken pills, had ECT, I've done the work and I'm very good at recognizing where my emotional and logical minds are not meeting up. Tonight after a great conversation with a good friend I miss very much the closing line about being tired sent me into a panic of tone reading and feeling abandoned. Should it have? Absolutely not, there's nothing wrong, nothing was meant by it, in fact it was one of the most open, healthy and loving conversations I've had in a little while, I've been in a bad place and really needed it. But a stupid perceived change of tone had me panicking for an hour and my friend had done such a great job of being support when I know they are trying their best when they too don't feel well, there's no reason to burden them with another one of my symptoms. After all this work, and even recognizing when my mind is jus being mean, love and relationships of any kind feel so unsafe, and even using all of my coping skills to their fullest, the best I can do is to quietly hurt because while as irrational, unhelpful and far more often than not wrong as my feelings are, they still hurt like hell.",6.949041614123588,6.335010524590166,6.866885245901639,79.26046027742751,64.65573770491804,10.13064312736444,31.064312736443892,9.466822959209583,2.486617023959647,984,30,197,16,13,313,144,244,0.163,0.645,0.191,0.9071,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,6,5,15,28,2,2,12,0,24,7,0,2,4,46,43,20,0,2,4,0,5,1,2,2,4,1,0,0,5,17,0,2,11,1,0,1,6,12,1,2,13,6,18,16,30,25,8,24,1,4,0,3,16,12,1,3,12,132,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265990871105686,0.11203883476814766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921313164511667,0.06513319475434126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22425954805392048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13457058355727958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303040158616985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21868401204628346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018896483584575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114342477823236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27012632665443304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16510010137532086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923709102924285,0.0,0.2355993127753234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522318470530752,0.0,0.2287647433073761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602957629233538,0.0,0.0,0.11126514451497783,0.05872054704921191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546949172391464,0.052200251734652314,0.10708918342180844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289301901098522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638816242402135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21577086834515316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854514681032909,0.07922600715197255,0.08240731628230613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20504595998249248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480515236970778,0.0,0.0,0.12536242435267306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163281129058734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248989147446602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687633318917077,0.0,0.06844919244231633,0.10985694189796663,0.0,0.11471414121826035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532848664234545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124918460989476,0.0,0.1110553792378236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218933519718547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280538997460799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725423836894165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228186398969704,0.0,0.17632062088820644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606866132457184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557238680810495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336417584509919,0.0,0.0 bpd,cancerchef,2020/03/08,Every 5 mn I think of death I'm either ok or I want to die. I always go to bed hoping I dont wake up. Why live when all my brain wants is death? I fucking hate every day.,-3.7970383275261312,-2.49568282926829,0.22111498257839726,103.90951219512198,109.0,2.342857142857143,8.296167247386759,3.1291,-2.370807665505226,128,1,35,0,7,47,33,41,0.327,0.542,0.131,-0.9079999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,2,3,2,0,1,7,10,2,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,4,10,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,2,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22096934942522947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964556782942161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126590170163908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756120424542005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112373787571564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4474958729499264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24550833609160655,0.0,0.0,0.15092534031500174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26218807894544777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637635733731533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23449663311900526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17016178531731238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132713932341176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396289326911424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,floatingadrift,2020/03/08,"Men, how do you deal with your BPD in a relationship? Are any men in a committed and happy relationship? How do you make it work inspire of dealing with your BPD and splitting? I'm in a relationship with an amazing woman, and my BPD came out a little for the first time the other day. I'm afraid of ruining a great relationship with someone who means the world to me. Any advice?",3.5972000000000013,5.2732195866666665,5.175666666666668,80.21950000000002,73.13333333333333,8.200000000000001,27.166666666666664,8.841846274778883,2.0928666666666667,299,11,59,6,6,101,48,75,0.024,0.753,0.223,0.9542,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,4,0,2,2,6,0,1,9,0,3,0,0,3,1,15,8,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,9,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,6,4,12,7,0,10,0,1,0,0,14,6,0,0,3,39,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398897727013473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947011239350942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5408975389316053,0.0,0.0,0.16373160854287472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232337199219362,0.2951738052034457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217678862930804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782930301394282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15239155545837216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14347929101061954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555732243033756,0.0,0.0,0.1559381675444418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6147811805066482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212950821396918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347504863877925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421881578896727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Shostavel,2020/03/08,"FP Cycle I am so tired of living this cycle. I’ve done this since high school at least, but it has become more and more intense each iteration. I find a new person. I become obsessed with them and focus EVERYTHING on them. Talk alllllll the time. Eventually they can’t live up to my expectations and the intensity that we’ve had going. I freak out because it feels like they’re pulling away. I need constant reassurance we’re all good. I keep wanting that initial intensity back. And eventually I get so miserable with the whole situation that the only solution I see is to cut them out entirely. Then comes ol’ reliable—that disgusting, palpable loneliness. So I desperately look for someone else and do the whole thing over again. How can I break this cycle? I’m so sick of it. It feels like I’m just using people. Like I’m a fucking vampire who sucks them dry and then when I can’t get any more from them I toss them and go on to the next. I don’t even know why I feel the need for them anymore. I’m not depressed. I have lots of great things going for me. I just can’t beat this awful loneliness—ever.",2.3243636363636355,4.652965618181816,4.1863636363636365,82.85954545454547,79.18181818181819,7.454545454545455,24.09090909090909,8.438071523408619,1.6945909090909097,876,31,175,19,22,296,130,220,0.177,0.693,0.129,-0.9288,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,8,1,11,14,4,2,9,1,12,3,0,2,1,31,35,16,0,4,4,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,14,13,0,1,5,0,0,5,5,8,0,0,2,5,26,6,20,33,9,24,0,2,2,1,12,9,2,1,12,112,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084025803880637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247732886445632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550457201579251,0.10271621898252324,0.0,0.08143027321854901,0.29506137942452193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150689601051575,0.0,0.14435455473300968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505387613788982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670064025433373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159051856201847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822957085125266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005477890858747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20262903423628606,0.1908618412586968,0.0,0.0,0.12209141682993853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349429408333942,0.13958203616442902,0.0,0.22775297969354105,0.11204214186374127,0.0,0.1472744925360678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411365886976496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873371125026284,0.0,0.0,0.0734131069079992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957840749342235,0.0,0.23591049194472896,0.0,0.1121751344113605,0.0,0.0,0.1135665360937693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19809854046718148,0.0,0.12901421057288984,0.14206584314586276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159503796325657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260885496468202,0.11663854373720725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351919925503353,0.10644746219126114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050031022048468,0.15015162819780012,0.0,0.0,0.1131834920899681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736805387695003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749172874132507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789266753977712,0.15353271854788395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537185341729535,0.0,0.0,0.07879005287526411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053686793590065,0.2982787935289943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lilyalvaroz,2020/03/08,"Stop telling me to ""stop caring what people think"" So I found out some girl at work that I strongly dislike (we've never actually had any sort of conflict or confrontation, I just find her deeply unpleasant) dislikes me too and has been talking mad shit about me for weeks. I /know/ this shouldn't upset me. This girl dislikes /everyone/ and complains about everything, that's the reason I dislike her. No one at work takes her seriously and she's very young (still in high school) and immature. I shouldn't take this personally. I recognize this. I know I shouldn't care. But I do. And I do because my BPD won't let me /not/ care. I am so damn tired of hearing ""why do you care? You dont even like her. You shouldn't care so much what people think of you!"" It just feels a lot like telling a depressed person, ""you should just cheer up!"" or a person with anxiety, ""you need to just calm down"". Its like, great, thanks, I never thought of that karen. I've been massively depressed about this all weekend and its made all the worse by the constant invalidation from my family and friends. TL;DR: I know I ""shouldn't care"", but I do, I care /so fucking much/, and telling me not to makes me feel worse.",2.806527506827937,5.051128304721033,3.176506047600469,91.15218006242685,77.11158798283262,6.4681232930159975,24.324814670308236,7.520522993642371,1.020006008583691,937,32,195,13,22,289,128,233,0.233,0.701,0.066,-0.9812,0,0,0,0,0,0,51.0,0,6,0,3,14,26,5,1,6,0,18,3,1,3,4,50,42,16,0,7,10,0,2,3,1,7,1,1,0,5,13,10,0,3,11,1,0,0,12,10,0,1,6,3,37,16,20,28,6,16,0,2,0,1,23,7,3,5,12,129,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.08796217194677441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612972699925295,0.0,0.06895570466825107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494759207872931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135262834717486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.643315446790119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740769464063646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15527231343395134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564164898014154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05953562817362192,0.0,0.0,0.086131198161797,0.08101067032977156,0.0,0.08497455430882765,0.0,0.09115346644803766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238495467503122,0.0,0.0,0.09883221113134362,0.06964078037891215,0.08333158943394348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937801286451237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159263892858143,0.0,0.0,0.095236272661496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861328442751712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217272183404976,0.0,0.13211135195536286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663252808113219,0.0,0.08529122678253688,0.06016814771678696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252433580068504,0.06683655453155743,0.13904073388266214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061080179417873685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249813707936427,0.2361163803808477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267738905166786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122497279395476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252587343308458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198472137598312,0.15071964183953612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554586606501978,0.07244991074614014,0.23635506223470135,0.08298741897252505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551422047126073,0.0,0.07155989927803104,0.0,0.10360094417054948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437370136820823,0.0,0.0,0.07230366646368896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133597479175389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124380097256438,0.0,0.18371766153276864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,applehanover,2020/03/08,"Re: Pete Davidson (comedian with BPD) I personally LIVE for Pete Davidson and think he's doing a great thing by going public with his BPD diagnosis. He's an inspiration to me as someone living with this disorder, and his bravery and forthcoming attitude about the cutthroat industry he's in (comedy) are refreshing to see. I would personally love to meet him and thank him for giving me hope (and for being funny as fuck). He makes me feel like I can make something of myself, despite BPD and the setbacks it produces. He's even publicized his cutting issues and tattoo addiction, possibly in an attempt to normalize the realities mental illness. He's given a voice to a very misunderstood and stigmatized disorder. How do y'all feel about him? I'm curious. I think he's an amazing person and I would give my left arm to talk to him one to one! His comedy is so real and raw. I can't wait to see his movie that's coming out, and I've watched his Netflix special three times already.",4.575258467023172,6.508681748663102,6.246331550802142,72.48400713012482,71.0855614973262,9.478645276292337,31.71800356506239,9.888512548439397,3.55359778966132,785,36,133,21,15,269,115,187,0.065,0.738,0.19699999999999998,0.9789,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,2,5,10,2,0,9,0,9,5,1,4,0,31,28,15,0,4,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,1,0,3,4,16,0,1,5,1,0,2,1,2,0,3,1,6,22,8,24,24,0,7,0,0,3,2,28,4,1,1,2,85,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665290134963431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832977659364626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4736318585107897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798021647644064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28733001513259754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279424921747172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676414190384022,0.08955196482775203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588651358748595,0.0,0.2404993860560105,0.07124080501520838,0.0,0.0,0.13820174937680496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245034747748298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083560863254595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361960310716847,0.0,0.0,0.06124097751098497,0.0,0.2213773894017635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131356690840027,0.0,0.16734774688157122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263259972820982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281899119307756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16988441214472422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283593209862316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413162887415925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267876943668042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19977967994628515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621090141307778,0.0965026012813922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007537192453308,0.0,0.11540788699312353,0.0,0.0,0.08327873683203184,0.1606418450808747,0.0,0.0,0.07309414367859203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342907188864614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17809386520107692,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shallowhearted134,2020/03/08,"I’m not asking for a diagnosis, but I need to know that I’m not crazy Since I was in eighth grade, I’ve always had a person I clung to. I guess in bpd terms, they’ve been my fp. My world and thoughts revolve around whoever this special person is, if they pay attention to me, I float like I’m on a cloud for the whole day, but the second they so much as talk to anyone else it comes crashing down. I can’t open up to anyone else, they are the only one. I can’t be serious with anyone else. I can’t admit the things I’ve done to anyone else. I’ve had two people like this throughout the school years, and in the summer when I go to camp, I find that person who I can stick with. Sometimes I’ve had multiple, mainly in these short times away from my true fp. And when I return to camp its the same people that are my fps year after year. Throughout one day, assuming one is s**c*d*l, and ten is completely manic, I have tracked it. I wake up feeling like a two, get to school within less then an hour and am an eight before classes even start. Then, I don’t see me fp before classes, down to a three. Back up to an eight before lunch, then get to lunch and quickly take a nosedive down to a three. Why? Who knows. Then I slowly build up to a five by the end of the day, and get home where I stay there until either skyrocketing or dipping, depending on the day. By bedtime, I am exhausted, or manic, never in between. If I am exhausted, I can’t sleep, my mind is too alive. If I’m manic, I’ll be up until late, two, three, sometimes four. I feel like I’m never stable, the rock is constantly shifting as if I’m on the verge of a landslide. Who knows when it will occur? I have been s*xually assaulted by a relative, I’ve faced emotional, verbal, and sexual assault from my parents and siblings. I started self harming in eight grade, at first to get my fps attention, then because I needed it, then relapsed after being clean for two months again for attention from new fp. There is so much more but I am so drained from just this. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety, and depression by a psychiatrist, I’m seeing a therapist who says I have a severely low self esteem, and every time she thinks I’m doing better I reveal something new that tips everything over the edge. I don’t know who I am, I feel like I’ve got a collection of masks that o change depending on who’s around me, and when multiple friends are around, which one do I show? I wish I had a solid sense of me, I can’t remember ever having that. Is that something most people have? Sorry that this is long. I don’t know what’s going on",3.4157657746617964,4.351583763602257,4.7575614693393895,85.93562530858105,72.52720450281427,7.861933445245384,25.28335143675324,8.20500826718156,1.3935395872420258,2018,60,428,30,38,672,237,533,0.08900000000000001,0.8079999999999999,0.10300000000000001,0.7478,1,0,2,0,0,0,76.0,0,0,3,2,20,17,2,0,31,0,45,8,3,2,4,64,82,38,0,7,13,1,3,5,1,1,3,1,2,5,27,20,2,0,18,2,1,3,12,8,0,19,11,6,50,9,67,67,10,79,0,2,2,0,21,32,0,11,48,296,77,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05956524707742344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0547630576921796,0.0,0.0,0.2002182496640388,0.29339307172510226,0.0,0.1911800243767748,0.06692320215641795,0.0,0.06725735880119296,0.05504517870424809,0.0,0.04363813218254686,0.0,0.18274311896560344,0.0,0.0,0.06331195757974127,0.0,0.0,0.0901600011377244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572844574363333,0.061664959390474575,0.07505650917408678,0.07735898323323863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846680687132634,0.0,0.06165687595747789,0.07265823487397156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325728347794062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23920351028462786,0.0805245613111974,0.06340390604275957,0.0,0.0,0.04728184645632892,0.06475359237277711,0.060314252423975014,0.0,0.06433683818177334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858802544224626,0.15342305622193447,0.0,0.0,0.0654282636591431,0.06089097459238374,0.0,0.0,0.05530712929360748,0.0,0.14960282223552449,0.0,0.08136789296335649,0.0,0.0572538256831048,0.0,0.07885999730582538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180654707871408,0.0,0.07049774328062887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19670883668685527,0.0,0.0807520724389753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174866402128014,0.0,0.0,0.06335131524814068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228140512300853,0.0,0.057139224283380474,0.0,0.10524782368603948,0.1061601533728774,0.1104229993415618,0.13827631793145592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940339761823819,0.054444342632041766,0.0,0.0,0.07948772858000787,0.0,0.0,0.1488860577703137,0.18751827746629485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109292928922743,0.0,0.0,0.05692802264556945,0.0,0.14489761136131293,0.11408947169148854,0.0,0.14935952146283055,0.08087175014802161,0.0,0.05921663962335244,0.0,0.07163765097827945,0.0,0.0,0.11022072715311836,0.14160067486109906,0.08013461295020477,0.10133781120347496,0.07630110050781704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538237272678675,0.057538076959293374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311680829232944,0.04755852592643866,0.045869387822001416,0.0,0.056831250024390025,0.08348468911627555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797162948289955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459518761210356,0.07992315943933162,0.0823203124539888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829701903889674 bpd,Not1plus2plus1plus1,2020/03/08,How to regain pride? I not so long ago broke up with a woman I truly loved. Despite her cheating on me and stuff I couldn’t stop loving her. Had some other relationships since but none that compared. Recently she begged for me back and we talked on working things out. Well tonight my bpd convinced me she was cheating so I blew up and ruined everything. I begged and begged for her back. Emailed her and stuff. I never know how to recover from the shame of doing this. Help :(,1.9501877470355709,4.628370402173914,2.4218181818181814,92.59590909090907,84.1086956521739,5.084584980237153,21.40711462450593,6.574015621080383,0.4262260869565213,375,12,74,4,11,115,66,92,0.141,0.636,0.222,0.7908,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,2,7,10,2,1,2,0,4,2,0,2,1,17,7,10,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,2,0,17,5,12,4,2,13,0,2,0,2,14,5,0,1,8,58,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18851455575060605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270522812540764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678439306046548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19112945212765264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254476442444944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687503846055572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882016977696865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838766555230341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402024068089766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20998088072151289,0.2283224585019213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591855938078108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777973349214465,0.0,0.0,0.4869007412903748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093194873266204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141285074946287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19121123782708574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548225417276809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Nervous-Tale,2020/03/08,"Do you guys ruminate and obsess over bad,painful memories? Do you try to relive them and find peace in them but can’t? As the title says",1.4038095238095245,3.708555571428569,2.8000000000000007,91.61166666666668,82.57142857142857,6.590476190476192,20.047619047619047,7.793537801064563,0.7712476190476201,108,3,23,2,3,35,24,28,0.053,0.8540000000000001,0.09300000000000001,0.2755,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3835683274591507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4198707070451037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4548646088844347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4888193556796788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653223818287089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31189310663743003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,zippitydodade,2020/03/08,Dealing with BPD without meds healthfully? I’m considering going off my anti depressants and staying on my mood stabilizer. Has anyone on her had luck with this? I’ve been stable for about 6 years and I’m ready to see if I can make it with out all the meds. I don’t want to spiral but I’m also ready to not be a zombie.,0.8818487394958012,2.9434826470588256,3.4691596638655464,87.49264705882356,82.82352941176471,6.238655462184874,20.00840336134453,7.447530270364453,0.6258462184873954,252,7,54,4,7,88,52,68,0.053,0.7929999999999999,0.154,0.6868,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,1,14,13,5,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,1,5,1,13,10,1,7,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,2,1,35,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207759829353195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18165633233840384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272056400010975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678396375233793,0.22376305793649226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764880854396933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761524110115684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341673381081932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5771525286239119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20702483435628988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27690938453196284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323519518123352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504353533193464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673009614531167 bpd,sadinurapartmemt,2020/03/08,"getting jealous of 'normal' people? does anyone else feel really awful seeing how people grew up normal, loving parents, grew up at acted their age, went through normal phases and got out of them, finished school got jobs & are sane? i get so insanely jealous that people don't have years and years worth of trauma, especially self-inflicted trauma. like i wish i wasn't myself & was someone... normal who people weren't scared of. :(",7.323461538461538,8.460374166666668,7.135025641025642,71.6933076923077,63.74358974358975,8.291282051282051,28.42051282051282,8.238735603445708,2.2503712820512813,347,10,51,4,5,110,56,78,0.161,0.6609999999999999,0.17800000000000002,0.1388,2,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,0,2,7,2,1,0,1,6,1,0,1,0,10,15,4,0,5,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,4,3,5,0,0,6,2,6,2,9,9,0,12,0,0,1,1,5,4,0,0,5,27,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172933674119339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023807039598946,0.1500252313191953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281336737848736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231564212408907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403466637063437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299746432266362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342118957755001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529987512592465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153372034303877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321503287831413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.573844489483783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258277398488133,0.0,0.0,0.4060384952897676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093800800324974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659258677724912,0.14818548736861625,0.11667827928559713,0.0,0.15274864280490302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240617186050362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573338432611973,0.0,0.0,0.1683764902226414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885801610794294 bpd,deathbecomesher666,2020/03/08,"Maintaining friendships The FP wants to just be a regular friend, and keep things online (it’s LD, we met up and vacationed once). What’s the best way to handle this? Obviously I am disappointed, but I do truly value and want to keep them in my life.",1.4933333333333323,4.095667755102042,3.4888775510204084,84.5948129251701,85.73469387755101,7.348299319727893,20.41156462585034,8.344100000000001,1.4504666666666663,196,6,39,5,6,66,41,49,0.038,0.6859999999999999,0.276,0.8968,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,11,8,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,2,5,6,1,3,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35070108170968045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581864836755195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5940687198258698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23604107484683695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558905793993097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22201420928128804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942158074042104,0.2652563695921506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,forgive_papi,2020/03/08,"DAE Get tired of having their feelings invalidated because you were never in a “real relationship”? I’m not officially diagnosed with BPD but I fit 90% of the criteria, so I’m pretty sure I probably am. Anyway, I don’t think it’s fair that our feelings don’t count in certain situations because we weren’t in an official relationship with our FP. There’s this attitude that it’s okay to hurt someone as long as the relationship isn’t official, and if you complain about it then you’re just being dramatic. It’s gotten to the point that whenever I get hurt in those situations (a lot), I don’t even say anything to anyone because I know I won’t get any emotional support anyway. It’s kind of ironic, because everyone always tells me I seem so stable and put together, but on the inside I’m the complete opposite. Mostly because of being stuck in the situationship zone. Nothing is worse than being so intensely heartbroken about, once again, being abandoned by the person you love more than anything, but knowing you’re being pathetic, because they never wanted to really be with you anyway.",8.160374331550804,7.9678665882352995,9.111354723707668,62.77018716577544,62.0392156862745,12.124064171122994,38.64349376114082,11.567385478589935,4.864868627450981,880,41,140,24,11,302,118,204,0.151,0.687,0.163,0.1771,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,3,4,2,0,12,10,0,0,10,1,16,3,0,0,4,27,33,12,0,2,6,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,10,6,0,1,6,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,4,3,18,6,24,22,3,14,0,3,0,1,17,8,0,4,5,101,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984684827234355,0.0,0.0,0.0804753583335857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274618265384649,0.0,0.19476771626128286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4328343330111457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904527304042478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407739310278433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201127586376574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311673775108346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816255130891242,0.0,0.0,0.11307908225955983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967266856498385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18548352822487546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533711508634245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323305291351774,0.1300733003703982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047273065603188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006085614920416,0.10680660339607743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18254243432922304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135505631452447,0.0,0.0,0.12602839484690015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333005217520956,0.0,0.0,0.11186969027158218,0.0,0.0,0.12039447402410187,0.12759069435560078,0.0,0.0,0.11896453397158326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469699577194344,0.07581172873950684,0.0,0.0,0.3811590924445071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410883509084368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077324257081217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660385680196395,0.0,0.0,0.10026922291981667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429099695044794,0.11153418848877414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343450493859767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582758813061713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601459097344584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980008506306043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059872034969775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,InterpolarInterloper,2020/03/08,"Constant Reassurance I hate myself for needing it. I constantly seek reassurance that my girlfriend isn't mad at me when I do things like stay home, or I mess something up (even small stuff), or... Anything. Literally anything. If I cause the minorest inconvenience I am instantly drawn to the deepest level of a well of shame. Short story that became long: We were supposed to go out and I was gonna talk to her friend who has bipolar disorder and see some of the things she does to regulate or stabilize. I know it's not borderline personality disorder but they share a lot of parallels. Well, that was Wednesday. Now it's Saturday and I am super anxious about leaving the house especially to go downtown. So, I said I didn't want to go. She got upset and said okay but she's still going. Which was okay, but I still felt hyper guilty because it was obvious she wasn't happy with my decision. Maybe not anger but disappointment and frustration. Her friend just texted and said we'll do another night and now I feel like she is mad at me. FUCK I hate being this way.",2.5605179028132987,5.276285985294123,3.9495225916453554,82.54415601023018,81.30392156862743,7.665473145780053,26.026427962489343,8.587818076936951,2.27647169650469,847,35,159,21,23,278,126,204,0.177,0.634,0.18899999999999997,0.1977,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,2,0,1,1,11,24,7,2,6,2,16,2,0,1,1,31,34,17,0,3,11,0,2,2,3,2,1,3,1,1,13,10,0,0,4,0,0,4,5,11,2,0,12,6,29,13,17,19,2,24,0,1,1,1,22,7,1,6,13,109,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125378231648335,0.0,0.1414087596155955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20601182269635995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630370472483597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285861500471119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705329820144502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869159704281438,0.0,0.10953888272547167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267494208406312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329073691282627,0.0894229197755209,0.1201847737358634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934151922517711,0.11571952025319625,0.0,0.0,0.28455258592581,0.0,0.10011150319211227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324794833325815,0.0,0.24716292077637225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555774712547407,0.0,0.0,0.14443171110176342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879127148949288,0.0,0.0,0.1325391012169524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230545760716074,0.0,0.0,0.11077330332111388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641677958594238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575212352377801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281347059747792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746546621486675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929538424821847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35720178006020786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997458979653766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636354030995793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341672413873484,0.19992508194727154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329202164859867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060853238106153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631746309668188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382970352700348,0.0993557272834442,0.0,0.0,0.225089366325972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hnm4ever,2020/03/08,Age check How old is everyone here? I'm 37 and feeling kinda old for being here...,0.2747058823529436,2.508375588235296,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,87.23529411764706,5.752941176470588,20.264705882352946,7.1686216300943375,0.7097294117647066,63,2,13,1,2,22,15,17,0.0,0.909,0.091,0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047634215622047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214182489935036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8889839332465379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,illeari,2020/03/08,"I feel like my FP destroyed my life. I don't know what to do anymore. My FP lied to me continuously throughout the course of our relationship, put me down constantly, broke promises, manipulated me so much that I honestly don't even trust myself to have good judgement about people anymore. He's called me names, he's made demeaning comments about my appearance, he's even laid his hands on me. I still had hope that it was all a fluke and he really did love me and wanted to be with him. But every time I ask him something about the things he's lied about before, a new fact suddenly comes up. Trickle truth can be so damaging. I feel like I will never get closure because there's always something else to know. Because I know that if I ask, I will find out another lie or omission. It kills me. It's been killing me. I have been cutting more often, I can't stop thinking about just killing myself. It hurts so much all of the time. This was the last person I thought would do this to me. I have been raped, I have been taken advantage of as a child, I have been beaten, gaslighted, manipulated in other relationships and this still feels like the worst relationship I've ever had because I just loved him so much more. My entire future revolved around him, us. Nothing made me happier than the thought of having a life together. Now I just feel broken beyond repair. I don't know how my self-esteem and mental health can ever recover from this.",4.7869928825622825,6.052163241992883,5.384873665480425,81.48029982206407,69.60498220640571,8.182277580071176,28.640747330960856,8.548686976883017,2.045939359430605,1145,41,220,18,20,369,151,281,0.187,0.7020000000000001,0.111,-0.9767,0,0,2,0,0,1,33.0,2,0,0,2,24,23,7,0,10,0,29,7,1,5,7,45,52,13,3,4,6,0,5,3,0,3,3,0,0,2,14,8,0,1,12,0,0,3,5,11,0,0,15,5,44,12,26,32,8,25,0,3,0,3,24,7,0,5,18,156,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328193483078816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495187816836786,0.0,0.0,0.19852247398264208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910028980712921,0.18713911329584465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18303968801675585,0.0,0.08516823299491118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220189869874713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621767525996214,0.0,0.10816048142690413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361138470946919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322154728960338,0.18107217629902314,0.08432916652242102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20243170421236625,0.2145104670380593,0.0,0.0,0.09147938869572274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05229228914188143,0.0,0.0,0.0839497723261834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638975911102892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941080419314788,0.0,0.0,0.1071471758810163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322004241755676,0.0,0.22002484094527114,0.08158576523975679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139141873847405,0.1466950581488256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18066817599928212,0.18941296546077807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008660119970693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22073044661201224,0.0,0.0771946855439948,0.09666642768761087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603794369841416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938900096294529,0.08739371658125111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061693134059503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411947536579972,0.0,0.0,0.3223738786174148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441449119363932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541065615632657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598621576690056,0.0836787539321045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664945794937403,0.06413288880267183,0.0,0.15891872167445092,0.11672521779877792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203945537988529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05903499246283962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110024195519217,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,the-unkindled-hollow,2020/03/08,"I don’t even know who I am Let me prefix this by saying I haven’t been diagnosed with BPD but have read the DSM diagnosis guidelines and match up with every single symptom, I’ve read up on all the other mood disorders and BPD fits me almost to a T, it was actually kind of weird reading the DSM and going “holy shit this is me”,I just feel empty and angry and despaired all at the same time? my thoughts betray me, it’s like there is a second me whispering to me all the negatives that will happen. I used to think I couldn’t trust anyone but myself, now I can’t even trust myself. I go through cycles, sometimes I feel like I’m in the passenger seat of my brain and someone else is driving, other times the world is bright and beautiful and everything is going great, but mostly it’s grey and black, with everyone out to use me, so I think “I might as well use them before they use me” and often this leads to any sort of relationship I build quickly dissolving. people are always lying, always plotting, at least in my mind they are. I shouldn’t even be this sad, so many people have it so much worse, and yet here I am in a first world county with a roof over my head and clothes on my back putting a gun in my mouth and crying about childhood trauma, I don’t understand why I can’t man up and just get over it? no matter what I do to forget, no matter what happens, no matter how happy I should be I always end up destroying my own happiness. It’s fickle, the way I want to feel, sure I can say I want to be happy but honestly? The thought of feeling anything but empty and hollow terrifies me, it’s gotten to the point that I’m considering breaking up with my significant other whom I care for a great deal simply because they make me too happy and it feels wrong. if I hate myself so god damn much how could I ever love someone else? They don’t deserve to go on the roller coaster that is me. Recently have taken to cutting, I don’t even know why I started, and when I cut I just feel like I’m on auto pilot, it does make me feel better for a short time. but what worried me was recently when I cut way too deep and my arm was drenched in blood, I actually fucking started laughing, like, What the fuck is wrong with me right? I didn’t even feel the pain, I just wrapped my arm up and went to bed, it’s scabbed now but I’m quite certain it’ll scar. Don’t really know why I’m posting just venting I guess, writing in my journal isn’t really helping anymore so I guess I can try this",4.71957782649546,4.693144778640776,5.7593235202004385,83.36047604134046,69.1747572815534,8.509238960225494,28.457563419981213,8.155646560271837,1.7310269339179452,1951,61,411,24,31,649,238,515,0.179,0.636,0.185,-0.3151,0,0,0,1,0,0,43.0,0,0,5,4,32,39,9,0,20,0,42,14,7,9,6,90,90,37,0,7,13,0,8,4,0,5,4,3,1,1,28,26,0,0,16,4,0,8,16,16,1,2,10,14,67,22,49,69,10,58,0,2,3,3,15,28,4,8,22,279,95,4,0.0,0.0,0.137375022902265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048236478605444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17570274726791202,0.0,0.0,0.04786554084956772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980494258057232,0.0492161932295556,0.0,0.057922463918937996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054123221155104866,0.0,0.042907232468107306,0.0,0.059894111680457884,0.0,0.0,0.06225153887249538,0.0,0.0,0.17729980339022755,0.07857511649610241,0.0,0.0,0.07176418833577777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056198253520065966,0.0,0.07731676136159801,0.0,0.07256585655559862,0.0,0.0714412743748623,0.0,0.0,0.08066954472504109,0.0,0.061596095790467674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759853263237,0.0,0.06234194728093291,0.0,0.0,0.2324495889210464,0.06366902757114412,0.059304042599024026,0.06725774874701851,0.06325925364038434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847180614980076,0.10056890476344912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05987110518653141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301432053530588,0.036774277165968434,0.0,0.1600101069502305,0.0,0.0,0.15520372554584916,0.15507832565705762,0.0,0.12448589792126412,0.29971287583747136,0.0,0.06949254258028421,0.07223731911368128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0471788900530755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329717879351383,0.11604848368321602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197542700843355,0.0,0.13755003693708195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635269720287151,0.0,0.09396767369025352,0.0713613213879032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466943263050642,0.07107075618545326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348501669980742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489667929253943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759489957525283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653842046066623,0.0,0.06741124300925269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075832749774955,0.0,0.07486518726873043,0.21121799832401086,0.0,0.09018336728157883,0.0,0.138997246581566,0.07556924457944114,0.0,0.060110072191842764,0.0,0.11194905828623236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225119446580565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927727157742625,0.0,0.0696144950532053,0.0,0.09964049343192803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633886901258776,0.07315899353261053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020223313937076,0.0,0.11175875475371068,0.12312959277639644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04778811990555658,0.0,0.0,0.07327529908278001,0.0,0.24316690779441796,0.0,0.0,0.08303209558980927,0.11173977208477608,0.0,0.0,0.06328632274065646,0.06524940943278427,0.19053982784593415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148136614836667,0.07173031714100413,0.0,0.15391416438153302,0.0,0.0 bpd,madam_curious,2020/03/09,"DAE have very vivid dreams or Nightmares about their FP? I almost live with my boyfriend. Out of the 7 days , I live at his house for like 5 days. I’m almost scared to sleep because of my dreams as they are very scary-emotionally. He’s either distraught or abandoning me or being with people I don’t like. It’s like I can’t ever be sane not even in my dreams because they’re scary.",3.0990295358649784,4.3550374050632925,3.5855063291139264,92.80754219409285,73.68354430379749,6.279324894514768,22.02742616033755,6.42735559955562,0.19228945147679247,301,7,67,2,6,94,56,79,0.142,0.6629999999999999,0.195,0.5312,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,3,6,0,2,1,0,6,1,1,0,1,12,7,4,0,0,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,11,3,11,5,1,6,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,5,6,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4320488910339795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630164617979849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782585986772346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24266947443246356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424889579393247,0.19514195386905786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489257747209352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161872890158809,0.0,0.3809906343172543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14956141248967944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21598537668971407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158878090039089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560030029461201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,loling1234,2020/03/09,"How to know when to say fuck off? I’ll keep it short. I’ve isolated myself for the past 3-4 months after a horrible breakup with a narcissist. Finally think it’s time to start going out but to put myself in different environments than the usually bars/clubs to meet people of a diff calliber. I shared this thought with a girlfriend and she laughed and said some of the things that go on in your head are hilarious to me. I tried to explain what I meant to her however she kept laughing as if my idea was the most hilarious and ridiculous thing (I didn’t realize that being strategic about dating and meeting people was considered lame) I told her that everything I say/do isn’t meant to be laughed at and a little support on her end would have been appreciated. Her response...don’t start...I’m tired..of you want to take it seriously then I can’t help you. So is this considered a symptom of borderline by being upset at her dismissive tone? Would most people be upset about this?",4.313491228070173,6.094533542105267,5.186842105263158,80.43622807017546,71.47368421052632,8.856140350877194,29.508771929824558,9.3871,2.6960771929824574,783,32,149,18,15,255,123,190,0.092,0.733,0.175,0.9636,2,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,0,1,5,11,2,2,10,0,15,3,1,1,0,27,32,12,0,4,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,12,8,0,2,8,0,0,3,3,6,0,0,10,2,21,5,30,16,3,24,0,1,0,1,19,10,1,4,11,102,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849806669682836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513191509089054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535456777578347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715381895658986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579446920533653,0.0,0.0,0.1941918289096928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753376381228482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451470310166988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19286472689568726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185608046895158,0.0,0.0,0.09389268264847732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123291964023665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636792181736576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16309216702166654,0.3553300301212413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17174776380410633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625139965699813,0.27172774004936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418518432592357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19387440655862007,0.0,0.17757476732027844,0.12845518860357785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270054389650548,0.1094714387668102,0.0,0.1356329134199209,0.09962187710051472,0.0,0.0,0.16325100315812655,0.0,0.11599345293234754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18816311093427865,0.0,0.10076960017159886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24272868192330505,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,zerza,2020/03/09,"Undiagnosed Silent BPD? So before I mention anything else I should state that I have shizophrenia, complex PTSD, touch of ADD and GAD. Years and years of addiction with abandonment issues. My anxiety and crisis maximizing varies from day to day, but generelly in a normal day I shift between 100 emotional states. The stability of my mood is as fragile as a thought is long. I can message someone and know they won't be able to answer for a while, still 10 minutes after sending I've built up some scenario where I'm being intentionally ignored or mocked. Everything seems to be black or white, it's very rare that I hover in a stable feeling alright mood. Things are good in the MOMENT with gf, things are perfect. We have a casual conversation making plans or have an emotional discussion where I can't express and articulate to 100%? Things are ruined. The instability in perception of relationships and myself are explosive, I can often act out of insecure anxiety but almost never act out in frustration. Seeing the bigger picture is extremely difficult, usually stuck in the scenario type of thinking. If I'm not perfect always, I'm not worth to be around. I've started turning my phone off before I head to work in the morning and don't turn it on until I'm about to go to bed or need it for something because the approval/being ignored wave is too intense. Talking with friends or family I can be a little more rational but have to ignore paranoid and delusional thoughts. With the GF I need to be with her to settle the storm. Apart and I prefer to keep communication brief and playful to abstain from my mood and self image spiraling into a cloudy maze of self hatred and despair. &#x200B; I know I probably couldn't be able to get a diagnosis seeing as I don't fill enough symptoms, but it would be nice to map out where my behavior is coming from so I can treat it differently and maybe even medicate it.",7.7888161559888545,7.822773974930363,8.140862116991645,68.66756058495825,62.73259052924792,11.079721448467968,37.72715877437326,10.686352973137794,4.227799888579388,1543,71,258,35,20,509,203,359,0.135,0.7509999999999999,0.114,-0.8088,1,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,1,0,1,4,11,22,2,1,18,1,32,4,1,2,3,69,56,30,0,8,12,0,3,0,3,3,3,0,1,2,11,26,0,6,11,2,1,7,8,10,0,0,3,7,25,9,54,41,3,45,0,3,4,0,17,22,0,10,14,179,36,2,0.22316286476688926,0.0,0.0,0.12164023133596345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111732686627506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284469034520727,0.12089843536923225,0.13558365354227275,0.0,0.0,0.17071898072304853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182201149738142,0.09933113145869082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801900551953596,0.0,0.18989516119497585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053290799373366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611752390310152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158823789572038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657884794342407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321196893968944,0.2510281859623296,0.0,0.1152934472490994,0.0,0.07369848373971329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002821966139461,0.0,0.10518904395793716,0.0,0.05641892485998535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620753786973881,0.0,0.0582966930665638,0.0,0.06341429941862994,0.09358921153803107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145147408694362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646202564207064,0.0,0.09917870395953617,0.0,0.0,0.12264447426277368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183390874228667,0.0,0.09874605639644156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448147255997155,0.0,0.1120985463930318,0.0,0.0,0.1124065541642608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547243653825647,0.08605847943122312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932611275447016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030365636533125,0.0,0.13043272333628084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979670019446745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17783191022570913,0.10157954533636822,0.23280753796421064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454258556305843,0.08590083802433808,0.0,0.0,0.0789779121474828,0.0,0.08910907603703103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597583201380125,0.0,0.08968492872027516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223892368233778,0.07149687641054203,0.0,0.17716638709102073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24273711403657355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289118366433642,0.09206636746928153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812326117035935,0.0,0.0,0.07926424813750525,0.0,0.13558365354227275,0.1437095682279509 bpd,throwra-throwra32112,2020/03/09,How do I handle the mood swings? I have been dating my girlfriend for three years and she has bpd. Her anger and sadness will flip flop to her being extrememely happy and joyful. She is either at her extreme lows or extreme highs and I never know whats going to trigger it. I just want advice on dating somoene with bpd or someone to talk to about it that might be going through the same thing.,3.9703846153846167,5.51803808974359,4.305641025641027,87.34769230769234,71.94871794871794,5.712820512820513,24.538461538461537,5.46131890053228,0.5697538461538465,313,9,59,1,6,98,59,78,0.126,0.77,0.10400000000000001,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,2,0,9,0,0,2,1,16,13,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,1,0,10,2,10,8,2,10,0,2,0,0,7,4,0,3,4,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24875605325600286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6412264666303483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893480803219428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709870861417364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26895982474830377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990118756875392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27005115366975946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963347072122222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156904349029785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20460812621859711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912037019262058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014787454327588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16393024945426113 bpd,uncivilized-servant,2020/03/09,"About to see a therapist in a week and a half Hi everyone! I finally realized that BPD is likely my issue, and was recently told my father knew he was BPD (apparently rate of inheritance is 40%). On top of that, I had traumatic childhood events which I found out furthers my chances of actually having it. I have been reading about therapists negatively reacting to BPD and how it's not great to self-diagnose yourself off the bat when seeing a therapist. I have a hard time describing my feelings, so I'm wondering how I can clearly communicate why I am there without jumping to the BPD conclusion? Any tips or tricks for broaching the subject without being too definitive?",9.452607526881721,8.420774314516134,10.074838709677419,59.64059139784949,59.88709677419354,14.395698924731185,45.66666666666667,13.295006501635747,6.467240860215052,541,31,88,19,6,185,89,124,0.08900000000000001,0.858,0.053,-0.6423,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,8,3,1,0,8,0,12,0,0,3,1,18,20,8,0,0,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,6,1,1,1,4,1,0,1,7,4,11,2,16,12,0,14,0,0,2,0,4,6,0,2,8,65,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.12589611521681476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773189650347966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.649939297667383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309434381871968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327552864544215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523183239096354,0.0,0.0,0.14132523245532352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145389051163001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223507083453205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556850581403705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465395442130768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302825263449865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904590121783205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273827876476687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20561011026702053,0.0,0.13458659779074542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4493751052921285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522734517178911,0.0,0.0,0.12327552864544215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348483356253152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641235120763847,0.0,0.0,0.2487239792793807,0.13990691434317307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,willowbaby2606,2020/03/09,"Hmph... TW: Sexual Assault My moods have always been erratic and unpredictable, ranging from incredible highs to devastating lows multiple times a day. I am not on any medication that helps with mood regulation/stabilisation, nor am I undergoing therapy at this point in time (I was discharged from all services late September). On November 1st, I was r*ped. For 2 months afterwards, I could not function normally. I am now back at school and studying and seeing my friends, and I even have a boyfriend who is being very gentle and patient with me, especially during any flashbacks or panic attacks. However, my moods have gone completely out the window. Any hope of mood regulation has been abandoned, and I am going from despair to ‘mania’ to rage to dissociation and then back to despair from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. I went to a SA crisis clinic, and spoke to my GP a few days after the SA clinic referred me to get support from the community. These appointments (apart from at the clinic which honestly saved my life) left me feeling considerably worse, as I was met with judgement and no empathy at all. I am dealing with this all alone, and it is currently my exam period, and I am completely overwhelmed. I just want advice, or a friendly ‘it’s okay’ :(",7.522869458128077,8.21413737068966,8.064236453201973,66.76155172413796,63.22413793103448,11.45615763546798,36.830049261083744,11.20814326018867,4.504794581280788,1018,47,167,28,14,338,143,232,0.16399999999999998,0.727,0.11,-0.9417,2,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,0,5,20,3,2,11,1,19,7,2,0,3,33,30,16,0,4,5,0,1,0,2,0,5,2,1,0,8,16,0,1,3,0,0,4,4,9,0,0,9,4,24,7,32,19,4,34,0,5,1,0,7,14,0,3,16,121,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278728437054748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193555315747826,0.0,0.0,0.1300990235775392,0.0,0.0,0.318978172050993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787520641660245,0.0,0.2404530948311346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278683136828076,0.0,0.0,0.12483591787967732,0.0,0.0,0.20167074430428705,0.1611940717447498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327031883064268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905726227625406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415973699772419,0.0,0.08168849309055785,0.0,0.0888595611072911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048007664903168,0.16519654774302486,0.0,0.15529476572397352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17637408206362198,0.0,0.16987903973012794,0.0,0.11043742894238164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751016979121202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480024262441745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319368795351615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834476887977495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14780503435939193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582385592417825,0.12459386635504917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177428625843439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17880438459452327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18234250793225584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900839528410082,0.09222161915339516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494169137729707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933804734519602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WowzersDude111,2020/03/09,"DAE fantasize about their sexual assault??? ***TW*** Idk what it is, and ik this is fucked up but like, i cant go a week without thinking of.... it. its like for some reason my brain is coping by sexualizing what happened. i told my boyfriend about this and he recommends i see a therapist. girls, have u done this too ?? please tell me im not alone in doing this",-0.5889490790899252,1.3902478732394383,1.497746478873239,94.05210184182016,105.47887323943662,5.00151679306609,18.137594799566628,6.67199483983844,0.327605850487541,273,9,59,5,13,90,56,71,0.08199999999999999,0.726,0.193,0.8615,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,2,0,2,0,7,2,1,1,0,8,13,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,1,7,2,8,11,1,4,0,0,1,1,5,2,1,1,3,39,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643270042202188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849056737008851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611747720878648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359432556523481,0.0,0.0,0.14504524254147114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256868344272619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27567728109790146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493714784570816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28015073722575784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26240475006832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20337426090623492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22307019963809568,0.0,0.0,0.2963256679993689,0.0,0.1635322297178617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438700071074622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047190336453056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24601930026645835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,schawdaya,2020/03/09,Can someone who's managed to manage their symptoms call me It's not an emergency but I've been avoiding my symptoms and focusing on the wrong things for so long I'm at a crossroads and if anyone out there who's had some success with not letting BPD be in control could talk to me for a little bit that would make my day.,7.873681592039803,5.516206716417916,7.737910447761197,79.36368159203981,63.92537313432835,10.127363184079602,38.75124378109453,7.793537801064563,2.9794318407960194,258,11,53,2,3,83,55,67,0.10400000000000001,0.8009999999999999,0.095,-0.1551,0,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,2,2,3,0,1,4,0,7,2,0,2,0,14,9,5,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,5,1,9,3,2,7,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,2,39,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660745942637943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593026528979919,0.0,0.29913927692197106,0.0,0.24252730256787636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663909971067395,0.18963478357919886,0.0,0.0,0.1531762196328006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428731084835445,0.0,0.0,0.2380503974059731,0.0,0.21019150838780656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585417548370023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20124397258560928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4937338453222565,0.0,0.1909039321194286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779306652156894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872240254698415,0.2596831522695243,0.0,0.0 bpd,kjellm8,2020/03/09,"Ex boyfriend here, can I still help her? Dear community, first of all I want to thank everyone that takes time reading this. Honestly, thank you. I was in a relationship with this girl for 2 years. We are still young, 18 years old. We had a great time and I am in very deep pain right now. She was always very dependent on me, started liking a lot of the same things as me but I didn’t care too much. She was also a bit jealous, had problems with self esteem and fear of loss. Overall, we still had the greatest times ever, never argued, it was like in a child’s book. In the last part of the relationship, her mental health got significantly worse and I couldn’t handle it. I just didn’t understand as I was just missing experience. After the breakup, we were still communicating and speaking a lot about what happened from each other’s view. She tells me that she got diagnosed with BPD along with Depression and was too scared to tell me. That she self harms and has suicidal thoughts. As the time passes, I start to understand how bad her condition is. I read about it a lot and wanted to finally be there for her and help her. Didn’t matter if we were together or not. Now, when I explained to her what I felt between her and me and how I understand the situation much better now, something very weird happened. She told me that it’s gone. The depression, the fear of the future she had, the self cutting, the suicidal thoughts. She tells me that throughout 2 weeks, this changed from zero zero to plus plus. She also tells me she needs very little sleep and is always in a good mood. This is the first part that I would like your opinion on. Could this actually be permanent change or do you think it’s something like a „major mood swing“? Did you or someone you know experience similar things with BPD? She told me that there is no reason for it, especially not our breakup, but it’s hard to believe. She is not with a therapist so I find meds unlikely too. Also, the second thing I am thinking about is if I can and should still try to help her. What do you think? I went no contact with her a few days ago because I couldn’t handle the pain I was in. It seems like with this mood change, she has detached emotionally from me completely. Doesn’t need me anymore. After the breakup, we were still talking very intimate things. Can I help her or should I try to move on by myself? I understand that you people can not give me the correct answer but any thoughts about this and her new „happiness“ are very welcome. Thanks in Advance",3.4625718141507638,5.417327850202434,4.069612492770388,86.83472334682864,74.1417004048583,7.376826682089841,25.72951609793715,8.192908349453996,1.5281694235588974,1994,69,403,33,42,631,215,494,0.15,0.726,0.124,-0.968,0,0,2,0,0,0,58.0,7,7,0,5,29,34,3,3,28,0,45,5,1,4,4,87,80,34,2,13,15,1,2,5,0,3,4,1,0,5,31,31,0,0,17,3,0,5,13,16,0,5,28,4,74,15,52,44,13,51,0,4,1,0,63,13,0,12,38,301,105,3,0.0,0.0,0.059785742740852965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054307671772849474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698064838424674,0.10195467390501207,0.0,0.0,0.041662259280130925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06075835695592523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05115366489891703,0.03734653808043794,0.0,0.0,0.06902460645194337,0.0,0.05418385976759467,0.06688544574071778,0.0,0.15432209159351026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624636882485017,0.0,0.19443054557693384,0.0,0.06423512276668608,0.0,0.0,0.0489150684957666,0.0,0.0,0.0395108172342856,0.0,0.10553480411280038,0.0621826233127243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891481016737863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05541764467092127,0.0,0.05854127451944361,0.0,0.1198577320245932,0.0,0.13788017773915978,0.0,0.0,0.05882394891835824,0.06711274590017477,0.055995044198074335,0.10422385137184928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058770911863617485,0.0,0.05138612400940442,0.0979983365090048,0.06754481136288931,0.0,0.0,0.10835276618340887,0.06521766661938383,0.05488135154642145,0.0,0.0,0.06512176511650747,0.0,0.0,0.16425838839823936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03366960817366281,0.04993910208264762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14965477254489354,0.06140356360147685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156255780457946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805153586703658,0.0,0.061740648690227565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511493436463729,0.09007355857329652,0.0908543517394402,0.04725129770237025,0.059170059704288486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428724744778151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038042886481965,0.0,0.0,0.13268791709286898,0.0,0.042473394621208416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586222724657185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256303601876982,0.0,0.0,0.06299056079572099,0.0,0.13155123311641173,0.0,0.05231992302927374,0.0,0.0,0.06133689154069474,0.0,0.0,0.05577329937599077,0.1917380778118596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886435816417641,0.061309183652994974,0.0,0.051909583872697465,0.09432948611681964,0.0,0.0,0.08672727808942453,0.0,0.2935575558134673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402779879302135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04606360949711945,0.049242437170462894,0.21419302765454767,0.1692135734581768,0.0,0.07113331599594541,0.16280681236596184,0.11776829712976768,0.0,0.1459125542529739,0.14289631408474912,0.0,0.0,0.11708254903888722,0.0,0.08318974388161604,0.0,0.0,0.2551158478547509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032999443925923,0.0722712965034112,0.0,0.04914303849880165,0.0,0.0,0.05679321209819005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062434206695097284,0.0435208547798365,0.0,0.0,0.0789052239349041 bpd,holymilked,2020/03/09,"I felt defeated by those three letters. In January 2019 I was hospitalized after a really bad episode. The months before that I had been trying therapy and medication but couldn't get a handle of things and labeled myself as unfixable. The classic, black-and-white, ""I'm always going to ruin things, I'll never be enough, etc"". It's shit. I spent all of 2019 working so hard in therapy after I came home from the hospital. Some switch clicked even though the hospital was traumatizing. It was not a matter of if my mental state would improve, but when. I made good habits of slowing down my thinking, practicing acceptance, building positives, and finding a balance between passive and aggressive communication. It was really hard, but I started to thrive the more I got into those good habits. I've been celebrating being alive the past few months, but today I finally broke again. I got overwhelmed by responsibilities at school, spiraled into a self-hate episode, stormed out the door without thinking about the consequences of truancy, and just sobbed. I cried because this is still something physical. I am doing well but I *still* have BPD. I will have to be on meds for another year or so before it's time to taper off. That is really hard to face. When I got better throughout 2019 and noticed I was getting better, I felt unstoppable. I thought, ""this is it!"" and that I could just go back to living a normal life. That cry humbled me today. I probably should've been more mature and practiced coping skills to get through my day, but I'm glad I came home and reflected. We are predisposed to losing our shit a little more easily, but it's something we can prepare for. Maybe I have some unfair brain chemistry and some deep, flawed behavioral patterns from childhood. So what? They don't have to determine how my life goes, or even how my day goes! I feel so heavy knowing there won't be a day I wake up without BPD, but I made it for a year! I can keep going. I am *better*, not *healed*. I won't be healed. My idea of progress should not be based on reaching perfection, but continual improvement. One little tantrum doesn't mean I'm broken.",3.7255892320480872,6.307331122194513,4.486832917705739,81.20769550482767,75.68329177057356,7.604092333269391,27.98778694289917,8.5409612609427,2.3749569793465057,1704,71,301,35,39,546,217,401,0.14,0.696,0.165,0.9319,0,0,2,0,0,0,66.0,3,0,1,9,20,20,4,1,17,0,37,10,5,4,3,65,64,32,0,6,19,0,6,0,0,5,5,0,3,0,18,17,0,1,12,0,1,5,11,11,1,2,20,7,40,9,41,31,10,45,0,6,1,0,5,14,3,6,25,210,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153133929177921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014377994248562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610323212715377,0.07177876245892302,0.052404618336459236,0.0,0.14630298356104227,0.0,0.0,0.22809218501066464,0.0,0.0,0.21654457753014775,0.0959674803957988,0.0,0.1966464410447144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863756661732194,0.0,0.18886118433190904,0.16632459690357887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882677795176577,0.09587580686920673,0.11356064037855312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043467442689848285,0.0,0.16508339195833646,0.0941725261612036,0.07857218020082793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474245589581035,0.0,0.14657089438713347,0.14420989761904193,0.20626672589978146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23102834394326846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246360031990635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704615508471287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641132192988917,0.0,0.0,0.047245154613223456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144191375088995,0.0,0.17232281654075932,0.07591033901329057,0.0,0.0,0.0961749606298844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268790015704718,0.0,0.0,0.08636529591882186,0.09364314546088094,0.095489835139228,0.08660259767842028,0.08663440567069683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723590313562942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630296539566405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842292998750359,0.0,0.09787387425194834,0.0,0.0,0.058253389624969815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206512403093277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268684756784634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16521777346746927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870030824129906,0.0,0.0,0.08968221513736442,0.0,0.17648755477986947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236302404199435,0.0,0.0,0.06084780733688504,0.0,0.1373065390876357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966212620137875,0.0,0.11422516387245435,0.11016822406988383,0.08446203312178385,0.06824810820622594,0.05012798498999636,0.0,0.1629731200875357,0.0,0.0,0.05836587541573762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077294558478159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573802879121907,0.0,0.06258491991003827,0.0,0.0,0.06106841227161624,0.0,0.0,0.11071971747837596 bpd,lilac_blaire,2020/03/09,"My second psychiatrist in a row has picked up and moved practices with little-to-no notice. This is not good for my abandonment issues I know it has nothing to do with me and that I can’t do anything about it, but it’s still very upsetting. The last time it happened I had to leave class to go cry in the hallway. Has anyone else experienced this? I’m not necessarily looking for advice - I guess I’m going to call the new practice and see if they have an opening? - but I wanted to share with people who could understand. I think I need to start seeing a therapist.",2.296275140788413,4.526217823008854,3.9756556717618654,84.8559694288013,78.73451327433628,6.586967015285603,23.54706355591312,7.686295010490155,1.2164053097345142,446,15,88,7,11,149,79,113,0.131,0.843,0.026000000000000002,-0.8886,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,6,0,10,0,0,1,0,21,25,6,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,1,3,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,1,4,11,2,15,23,0,12,0,1,3,0,4,4,0,2,5,60,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18524014455208995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254784094328073,0.19423113662282804,0.15599535499953654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19356645408453066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513517539669155,0.0,0.2082275997943782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835673764745714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21546764198556445,0.1589976307414941,0.0,0.0,0.20882656595429225,0.0,0.16763117903479294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978559904943711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417964053149993,0.15452029250241586,0.0,0.2007213360383837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918635883635188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20147696463680448,0.0,0.14055960580410354,0.0,0.18308248549925335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18189216106510267,0.2158203337562856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131420091406091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021165787322828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417466293384495,0.0,0.15138638027412155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200988871640025,0.0,0.12146521770913896,0.0,0.0,0.11053653013899906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973432330004559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641048853844727,0.11180999867352702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,knare2,2020/03/09,"Long term relationships; beneficial or detrimental? I’ve been a long time lurker but haven’t ever posted, and I’ve seen a lot of posts about relationships making BPD flare up worse and I’ve had the exact opposite feeling so I was curious to hear others opinions on this specific matter. I’m 27 and in the past 10 years I’ve been in a 7 year relationship and now I just passed a year with my new girlfriend. I personally feel considerably more stable in a relationship than out. I develop a better ability to control myself so as to keep the relationship intact. When I’m single I’m a total fucking wreck can barely leave the house, cry constantly, severe suicidal ideation. The last time I was single was horrifying as my BPD completely overtook everything about me. Also if it matters I’m a guy, which (in no way to diminish the battle and struggle we all have) can be difficult at times...being an explosive highly emotional man with severe sensitivity issues can be.... frustrating. Thanks for your time to anyone that read this, I hope you all have a great day & much love to you all.",5.926160278745643,7.189479668292687,7.2163240418118475,69.40567073170733,66.95121951219512,10.735191637630663,31.22822299651568,10.7630783206399,3.7074320557491287,872,34,149,25,14,297,134,205,0.192,0.622,0.18600000000000005,-0.7631,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,3,0,2,9,10,3,1,16,0,14,2,0,2,6,30,28,14,1,2,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,6,9,0,2,3,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,7,4,14,5,23,19,10,30,0,0,1,2,15,9,1,5,17,98,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507298101804528,0.0,0.11526395027342035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438418562888129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408549746172692,0.0,0.0,0.2679667122125757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153862987873013,0.11496024919882745,0.11931552484888648,0.0,0.0,0.11685471695302335,0.06860705218402267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966449464635708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622785621741817,0.0,0.0,0.09560853363004652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757902911944836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983476749224287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728561245532798,0.0,0.10533408080410456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989930704225835,0.0,0.0,0.11239754393453856,0.0,0.10566050254522458,0.0,0.1227495840014427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103429991754643,0.0,0.09455646937415656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671484981673247,0.0,0.11264229589333848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882879707982127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904414641722552,0.09601315684421864,0.0,0.07101025520491151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782023983051956,0.0,0.0,0.1027435942362952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015528614233007,0.0,0.0928879319327184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037675035160031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640995550802393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5710678079482011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403608776017946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121269384093783,0.0,0.1163637306130346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794148604630852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860951423603376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444041892995797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084114978285401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20551795160274827 bpd,mindspiral,2020/03/09,"Mind stuck in a spiral I'll be honest, I'm not diagnosed with anything because I've never been able to get to a doctor for this stuff, but even if it's not exactly bpd I know a share a lot of the symptoms with it and I hope you guys can help. My feelings, my emotions, my general identity seems to change on a whim. I want to break up with my long distance bf (who I got back with after one break up already) but I dont know if I should make such a big decision when I know I'm in a bad place right now. This past week I've just been plain bad, getting mad at things that shouldnt matter and not being able to get myself out of bed. It makes sense that I dont want to be with this guy that I cant even see and only makes me unhappy. But before this week I just felt indifferent towards him, and the week before that I was super into him. I can't tell what I'm going to flip to next, and i dont know if i should wait it out and risk losing the confidence to break it off if I end up still wanting to be away from him. I can't trust myself or my feelings to tell me the truth about what I really want. I need help",4.507327935222673,3.1619365748987884,5.817570850202429,87.19453441295548,69.89068825910931,9.05748987854251,26.69230769230769,7.882392219407189,1.2111522267206474,862,19,211,9,13,293,129,247,0.127,0.742,0.131,0.0222,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,2,10,11,1,1,11,0,17,3,0,3,3,56,45,15,0,13,13,0,3,0,1,3,3,0,1,2,18,14,0,1,9,0,0,1,11,5,0,1,6,4,31,6,35,32,1,33,0,1,1,0,13,16,0,8,13,141,49,1,0.21711337764569955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979500554908698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933290527186588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199258261674324,0.08347339290027009,0.18128060150231634,0.06617514991965204,0.0,0.18474749322062334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367233493653324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483858267131478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018275405484457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111237095095376,0.0,0.0,0.3816828924370469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221116635948486,0.0961490049647278,0.0,0.0,0.14340133828995258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977904726474702,0.0,0.10423144523206264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701491681935186,0.0,0.061695267947901165,0.0,0.08682270089388502,0.0,0.0,0.2149763783858505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552652048232978,0.0,0.0,0.10782128634057532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23863966869744735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606925352844403,0.0,0.12144716706716975,0.0,0.09229101481325803,0.0,0.0,0.21738729823726732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961130967771474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049340924533363,0.08372561072776667,0.0,0.11545127011188427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356082181555186,0.08256225360152415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036296429267868,0.0,0.0,0.11341863470645222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954419461280129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270681911104316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650562610992939,0.09882593240022597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669351192231943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427143674191275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283196530071872,0.0,0.0,0.18976666172183065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212024038917188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561181906981605,0.0,0.2612328832054864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mitten-pitten,2020/03/09,"Can this be a part of my BPD? Hi, I’m newly diagnosed and was wondering if this particular issue can be a part of my BPD. Any input is appreciated ((: So I get super emotionally attached to some people, I believe it’s called a FP. I currently have a teacher that I’m super obsessed with. It all started when he told me I was great at writing, and my stories were amazing. At that point I felt like somebody cared about me, noticed me. I’m now completely obsessed with him. My day is nothing but him, quite literally actually. I feel like I let him down all the time, like my stories aren’t good anymore and that he hates me. Just a slight change in his tone can make me think that he doesn’t like me and that he has changed his mind about my writing. I analyze every move he makes, and get jealous if he interacts with others cause that means he likes them better, right? This often makes me spiral into depression and anger. All these emotions usually make me self destructive. Other times, though mostly not I feel like he likes me and then I feel super happy and on top of the world. My moods and feelings are completely decided by the way I perceive his interactions with me. Sometimes even when he acts normal I convince myself he hates me. This can all change in a matter of hours. Rational me know that people don’t change their mind about other people that quick, but the irrational part doesn’t believe that. The funny part is that I don’t even talk to him that much. I’m super quiet and introverted, so he usually doesn’t even have a conversation with me. I’ve made this “relationship” up, and it’s really tearing me down. What I’ve described here is just such a small part of it. I can’t imagine my life without him, there would be nothing to live for. Is this a part of my BPD, or something else? How can I deal with it? PS. I’ve never had a good relationship with my father. He was abusive when I was younger. I guess that also plays a part in this as I usually only experience it with men.",3.4470292821158712,5.12638117380353,4.734079817380356,83.2184748897985,73.53400503778337,7.6829030226700255,26.76393261964736,8.376592526197632,1.807637342569269,1574,57,312,27,32,521,189,397,0.08900000000000001,0.732,0.17800000000000002,0.988,2,0,1,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,2,7,22,29,5,2,16,0,32,2,0,7,5,64,58,26,0,4,9,1,5,7,0,1,2,1,0,2,30,20,0,0,12,1,0,2,10,8,0,0,9,6,53,20,34,44,14,34,0,1,0,0,37,15,0,8,23,217,83,0,0.0,0.08124700225391665,0.06691670588993287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05483727038441828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04663153827565667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680053289694599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451507591480867,0.0,0.06064665657439267,0.0,0.0,0.2590933609433705,0.0,0.0700200194253011,0.0,0.06991406418489217,0.07044267569884992,0.29016174621624624,0.0,0.14379357421764927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04422348230744519,0.07069506491346307,0.05906125042703775,0.06959947514106421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728338569120073,0.15426929137337128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587413881312482,0.0,0.057775148536372126,0.0,0.0,0.06707690023430547,0.0,0.0,0.13868892889189005,0.0979761776129602,0.06584019380868955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716524281471668,0.0,0.0,0.1150304400186457,0.0,0.07560123984665203,0.07554015634471978,0.0,0.0,0.07299652418660804,0.0,0.13540196565999904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752993572541291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157170059941304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0376855612106782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011985699689036,0.0484346671279611,0.23450684923239604,0.0,0.06055062684900193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488480003713548,0.18309026053347302,0.0,0.0,0.07469537393023454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384770182690522,0.0,0.0,0.07288153851007173,0.05040855521052387,0.0,0.05288721100234107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718632761728331,0.13159400694013462,0.07807005626806998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05215234967052328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5198000845466492,0.0,0.14261826611408818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482301976415078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293511749105278,0.0,0.0,0.043929192782290745,0.0,0.0,0.14724204755749648,0.0,0.058560398199108965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153589898766903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279033252617304,0.06781979129445839,0.0,0.04853585064335727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055115844252742185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04393838252457834,0.06737196957544563,0.0,0.0799701583018939,0.0,0.0,0.0655238033325057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265682128154761,0.0,0.0,0.05442952661143332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610128255565555,0.07436377066081015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04871181833442,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chubbychicken007,2020/03/09,"BPD and getting groped at a bar So long story short. I was walking to the bathroom at a bar. My boyfriend was walking in front of me and holding my hand. A random man grabbed me by the waist, pulled me against him. And grabbed my breast. Security and police drama ensued. Here’s the thing though, I can’t tell if my anxiety and emotional distress over this is normal or not. Am I having an appropriate response to being groped? Or is this just the BPD causing me to overreact? This was two days ago and I’ve been depressed since, I don’t want to go anywhere. I don’t want to do anything. I just want to hide in my room and keep watching TV. I don’t want to go to the gym. I never want to go out again. I don’t want to ever dress up again. I just want to hide. This morning I had to go to work, and it was really difficult. I felt insanely unsafe waking to my car. I don’t want to talk to anyone at work. I just feel shut down... How do I differentiate between a normal response to this and an overly dramatic response?",0.5781082148499195,2.820559597156404,2.7145793838862566,91.25932563191157,85.72985781990522,5.4124012638230665,22.535742496050553,6.816661863887847,0.6600377567140594,789,29,170,10,24,266,109,211,0.083,0.8270000000000001,0.09,-0.6739,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,11,4,0,1,11,0,19,6,4,2,2,37,35,15,0,11,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,7,10,3,3,2,5,0,9,8,3,0,1,7,6,26,1,31,27,0,29,0,1,1,1,4,13,0,4,7,120,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946678832583417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309981586148778,0.0,0.0,0.0942353547372302,0.0,0.11090544750579494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394799307087759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844743789332264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869164573810536,0.0,0.11607848110932535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159977900023475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219085224847942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814451140150568,0.0,0.12940175898743853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041253755195302,0.0,0.3063749591453981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979108675909148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926852173557677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394407634230747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640948779356524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633806324209928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148436370045076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832421324739867,0.11779621672378668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953618501765705,0.0,0.13241229809928434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316521561507209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6359337014129269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19623048996935635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,connor36082,2020/03/09,"(TW) How to talk about SH with my mental health team? I saw my mental health team last week and I told them I am selfharming multiple times a day and that I was suicidal and practicing my method. I was then put on quarter hour checks in my supported housing. I was told if I do anything risky I will be sent to hospital; I hate hospital. I've been selfharming more than ever this past week without letting anyone know because of the consequences. My question is: How can I mention my selfharm without going to hospital or being put on a 1-1? The problem is, if I lie they will think I'm much better than I was last week.",3.9570340501792094,5.144372750000001,5.1994623655913985,82.32474910394265,71.5,8.736917562724015,30.71326164874552,9.150863307647796,2.6540476702508964,487,21,96,10,9,162,78,124,0.11,0.847,0.044000000000000004,-0.8343,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,3,4,4,1,0,4,0,15,2,0,2,1,16,25,9,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,2,1,4,2,2,0,1,9,1,20,2,13,11,2,18,0,0,1,0,10,3,0,4,11,67,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488205378049224,0.0,0.12343553162491375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143735766604613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266099670672188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967362682813568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13568173269155295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524729129445477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480919207678901,0.0,0.3188816117829852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477177652800204,0.17307749438845324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243495015307548,0.2445366972872948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338306583693867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023253060116484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102657517248449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319001523391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352777981989207,0.0,0.30157873752738684,0.16803203186560556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407341088797714,0.17021589531584355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056266983048355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961126292632752,0.0,0.0,0.08746501049163412,0.0,0.0,0.2866589371647477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3609579215883114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891853408825358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mid_world_lanes19,2020/03/09,Birthdays Idk if this is just me but my birthday always always make me feel so erratic and irrational. Every year since i was about 7. I get so overwhelmed with really dark and negative emotions and its starts at the first if the month my bday is on. Thats this month. Im struggling so hard. I also recently quit smoking and that shit is eating at me and ive been having the worst mood swings of my life! I was diagnosed BPD at 14 and its really been such a struggle. Im not in therapy bc I just cant seem to find a therapist im comfortable with and i am not medicated. I had a mental breakdown the other day and honestly i wanted to hurt myself. The urge to do it was so damn strong I freaked out and stabbed a plastic kids plate to death in my kitchen sink with the butcher knife i was holding and contemplating using(No one was home. Kids were at school. For the most part im able to control my mood swings around the kids and if i feel to bad I isolate for an hour until I cam calm down with the help of my husband watching the kids of course) and ive been beating myself up a lot lately bc I almost did it. I almost self harmed again after 10+ years of it not happening. Sure id still get the urges but they wete controllable. This....just was not. It was the strongest impulse ive had for years and now i feel like a failure and a piece of shit. Yay me. To crazy to fucking function like a normal ass adult all because of a fucking birthday oh and my BPD awesome sauce god fuck i hate myself,1.107426678359154,3.31239338585209,2.769055831628183,91.99543895547113,82.98713826366559,5.6989574198577415,22.929065575367822,6.980632752743323,0.7359423365487676,1177,42,252,15,33,387,169,311,0.254,0.627,0.11900000000000001,-0.9952,0,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,1,6,13,25,7,3,22,1,24,11,3,3,2,49,38,26,1,5,11,1,4,2,0,0,3,0,2,6,11,21,2,3,5,0,0,0,6,15,0,2,14,5,35,8,35,24,6,27,0,2,1,4,9,11,7,8,18,168,46,1,0.10006656055820433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004044116286336,0.0,0.0,0.08002319232534344,0.16652678909891586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908045423963205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355139828307376,0.060999646532045676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25206066005408223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244663129967541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453465326003298,0.0,0.0,0.1015654525820254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102393073095273,0.0,0.11256141203714562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431039310565487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178997904587255,0.07148757085702538,0.0,0.0,0.09145902349160276,0.08511656529178245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775297683549552,0.10456129559336758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848852902672885,0.0,0.08963998318457768,0.09879501170720599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707250622959603,0.0,0.10037491916851823,0.0,0.09854540527619524,0.0,0.10712332270339008,0.0,0.4323562276434612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287943890223932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067997104203305,0.09777493386305487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507301137251637,0.0,0.0,0.06679520620217852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080653222628792,0.10084355713644574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974434789376754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804398320451578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780769117718159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836233366939532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064331045900572,0.0,0.0,0.12821040208862078,0.0,0.09880365643141108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012727015836034,0.0,0.09109683849501014,0.10439124636814844,0.0,0.2054337728357641,0.08277609295305109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082762660285767,0.0,0.07991328452302779,0.0,0.0,0.20922259175013896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943115490870072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443483288553373,0.11618498943755645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05902185005241396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19331875256526931 bpd,spooks_mcspooks13,2020/03/09,"How do I create better communication with my bpd girlfriend? I have been with my girlfriend for around 3ish years and she struggles with bpd. She has also been in relationships in the past that had given her severe ptsd. It affects our relationship a lot because even though she goes to therapy as often as she can(she cant drive and I have a busy work and school schedule), its hard to deal with her swings and reactions sometimes. She has been getting better and I'm really proud of her but she still reacts badly when I get upset with her. She cant handle it when I get mad or sad or upset. She will either lock herself away and not talk to me for hours or she will find a reason to be mad at me and it just gets worse. I'm not perfect and I know I do things wrong and sometimes when I get mad I can get stressed which makes me not have a great reaction(which ive been working on) but once I calm down I will apologize for behavior or I will try to communicate with her. She doesnt seem to acknowldge herself doing things wrong. She doesnt apologize unless in anger and she does so with a snarky reply that is meant to upset me(which she will deny). Sometimes it feels like she genuinely doesnt care why I'm upset or mad and she just doesnt want to deal with it. I feel like I'm not asking for a lot which is just a sincere apology so I can feel like she understands what she did was wrong and to communicate with me. So how do I get her to understand I'm not enemy number 1? That all I want her to do is understand my position and talk to me about things? Any advice would be appreciated.",2.863318518518522,4.554997695384618,4.099521367521369,87.11033048433052,75.12307692307692,7.399430199430197,23.42165242165242,8.167268648758528,1.1881156695156694,1261,37,266,21,27,413,149,325,0.228,0.674,0.098,-0.9947,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,0,6,18,27,5,6,8,0,37,0,0,6,2,64,64,33,0,3,17,0,4,3,2,6,0,0,0,0,15,23,0,0,11,0,0,1,11,16,0,0,9,4,52,11,38,47,4,17,0,1,0,0,39,8,0,9,11,194,67,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230539553985397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553977254264567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423616219339923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408958772725994,0.08830751795957367,0.0,0.088748449399776,0.0,0.07887030545174267,0.05758204953232275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708470757156074,0.0,0.0,0.2379385822302958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963084498742544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19476859756199635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266274086637361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06239005861293286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14328571703014667,0.20244711633888646,0.0,0.0,0.08633489405720865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454608207607143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414268292210288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461776822098954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930242506375126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051912845078544864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384454190672471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606133357557281,0.0,0.0,0.0630529042497809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059700981760794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017293106660686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041889657778567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051361067926497,0.09712079829182016,0.0,0.20282976711341089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955987460647934,0.0,0.08599300102012845,0.0,0.10671311740174548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28027060276848426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543602249036292,0.0,0.1082038180796714,0.09875029058658892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184703064764685,0.0,0.0,0.10802344915189292,0.0,0.18826544070158813,0.0,0.0928066481391695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413226230574738,0.0,0.0,0.2950091389196412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143012415398176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523562092599045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375362734291318,0.0,0.09626299430177897,0.06710180232031253,0.30983213763778944,0.0,0.06082925950449149 bpd,karens_united,2020/03/09,"Crazily triggered by job interviews? Not diagnosed due to cost, accessibility etc — exhibit traits, however. I'm not entirely sure why, but job interviews trigger me like crazy. It drives me up the wall, knowing that 3/4 of the time I'm putting myself in a position in which I'll inevitably embarrass myself, or have the other party perceive me as inadequate. Regardless of what I do, I always mess up, and it all feels catastrophic — and even when I don't want the job, my thoughts begin to spiral; ""you should kill yourself — if you aren't capable of getting this job, you aren't capable of getting any,"" or, ""they hate you — you've just embarrassed yourself,"" etc. I've convinced myself there's no point in investing lots of time into preparation because a) the chances I'll get it are slim, and b) even if I do happen to get the job, I'll never, ever advance into one that's financially secure/comfortable — by no means am I intelligent or capable. It just fucking sucks. And everyone around me is constantly saying I'll get better, but I never do. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I here? God, I wish I'd never been born, for fuck's sake. I'm just a worthless sack of shit.",4.897979074889868,6.125299070484584,6.213609581497796,75.7835861784141,69.30837004405286,9.72786343612335,32.24917400881057,9.978442167317967,3.3370178414096925,927,41,171,23,16,313,130,227,0.268,0.633,0.099,-0.9931,6,0,0,0,0,1,39.0,0,4,1,2,10,16,7,2,10,0,14,5,1,2,6,38,35,13,1,6,12,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,11,8,0,0,5,0,2,3,10,12,0,1,2,2,22,4,22,32,4,24,0,1,0,3,8,10,5,6,12,111,33,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483900890326992,0.0,0.0,0.07750909747364583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146477979253604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948006446113195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080447245998833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316996335243575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568549317275052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25423168617568104,0.15056307753433018,0.1030998245600858,0.0,0.10891107278771543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05763081224369958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161130808365462,0.2977445760341447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007905627390474,0.0,0.0,0.11252989438633652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5655289766887219,0.0,0.12610001216578182,0.0,0.06263944843424467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05568400059432396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690020598660053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241556944693659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637210873330557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723459104760665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774625807398107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457959119968353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064005458604156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169970040041456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742312263321104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048597448175358,0.13292323230177833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722730670418953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20569522913553487,0.0,0.13106932697846393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124617289994862,0.0,0.0 bpd,frozen-froyo,2020/03/09,"Therapist & Psychiatrist are thinking I might have BPD? They described it to me and why they think I have it and it does sound pretty fitting. But I’m not sure. I don’t even fully understand BPD, they said something like the constant depression/anxiety i have “isn’t normal,” it can explain a bunch of disassociation, it explains my lack of control of my emotions/anger and everything, and there’s so many feelings and thoughts and actions and behaviors I just can’t put into words and everything is confusing and I hate myself and I can’t tell my thoughts apart nothing makes sense and I’m scared I’m sorry, I’m rambling, I’m just freaking out at this (possible) new diagnosis after I’ve already gone through so fucking much and had so many treatments and they want me to go to IOP which fucks up so...so...so many things and I don’t know what to do. They told me to do research and tell them what I think. I just don’t know where to start I don’t know anything. I don’t know if you guys can help but I’m lost. Thanks guys.",1.5914492753623186,4.033453362318841,2.8552657004830952,90.62173913043482,83.0096618357488,5.918840579710146,25.42512077294686,7.255503002510835,1.2121671497584543,814,34,169,12,23,262,113,207,0.09,0.853,0.057,-0.4991,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,6,2,9,10,3,2,2,0,19,2,0,2,1,46,50,21,0,4,7,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,2,10,17,0,1,13,0,0,4,9,7,0,0,7,3,26,3,15,42,3,15,0,1,0,2,16,7,2,3,5,103,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317401885016169,0.0,0.0,0.1293495448308487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132633678455601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824060465601267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007130344942597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290087305895352,0.13389623376474022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447134471651408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885019601239324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21458435664673198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036275182716042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207321015150375,0.0,0.0,0.0678471209368061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23641243207207074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786427821380566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001874181837566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624352726064441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058323653229199364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303187471130568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968791775129527,0.3631015786212534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664465070423148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775896194311142,0.0,0.0,0.11529916437207866,0.0,0.0,0.11696828730436662,0.1145495382556591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458443276356333,0.0,0.12145365928615705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001113915933248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355891585258007,0.0,0.11952146702516095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190552603184736,0.0,0.1336375461634521,0.0844986699519148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251542429399013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086889655538488,0.1099102244031654,0.0,0.1386108436316668,0.07931160418668924,0.2294840721210349,0.0,0.18955077011179855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407390945862275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428010138375452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041415993641544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077230181646155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Forlornexplorer,2020/03/09,"DAE experience feelings of disturbance caused by environment? One feeling that I feel I cannot get across to anyone is a sense of disgust and disturbance due to my surroundings. I am talking about very physical surroundings: the way sunlight reflects off of concrete, seeing a television in the evening, the smell of some rooms (that dusty feeling) etc. I realize every now and then that majority of such triggers were also present in my childhood, even connected really. I just remember going around the city as a 5 year old and feeling very moody for such age. Or, I remember just a very empty feeling inside the house with such triggers. These trigger such a disturbance that I lose the will to live, essentially. They do not usually cause the painful aspects of depression, but rather the numb. I lose all motivation, all hope, feelings of isolation and meaninglessness creep in and so on. Do you guys experience similar symptoms? What is your experience like? Do you have any suggestions on alleviating this problem? Thanks in advance.",7.039337589784516,9.44485560335196,6.997545889864327,67.66643854748607,65.59217877094972,10.924341580207503,39.04269752593775,10.914260884657429,5.15886081404629,839,47,127,26,14,267,117,179,0.16899999999999998,0.74,0.091,-0.9184,0,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,3,1,4,14,14,1,3,13,0,10,3,0,6,2,35,22,11,0,3,6,0,7,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,7,7,0,0,12,0,0,2,2,11,0,1,1,9,14,3,24,20,5,24,0,3,1,0,7,12,0,3,10,94,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087394199512964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577938059620943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819987188283827,0.0,0.0,0.11229115351128774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25916061585904904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864401360556583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067920591834254,0.1666282791635556,0.0,0.10627821081105447,0.0,0.0,0.370166747689052,0.0,0.0,0.446460464262444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590283241725009,0.0,0.07168814777660636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248982206805439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252852700984161,0.0,0.14554837820789848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162552830297316,0.0,0.11138374280333453,0.0,0.0,0.2822363124223257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236248733481099,0.0,0.0854755841134375,0.0,0.1342216267568822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069874049412695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808083774693643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857835781070086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100517078770341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110753663041702,0.0,0.10138638260418392,0.0,0.11613256834454265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892515435379635,0.312235603810245,0.0,0.10012389150179496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122988709555168 bpd,cheeseontoasts,2020/03/09,"Only fully accepted diagnosis recently Hello! Background: I was diagnosed about a year ago but I was too afraid to ask questions due to all the misinformation n things like that, and idk for me it was hard to accept because of the stigma that surrounds it (unfortunately). But recently I met someone with bpd and they made me feel safe and more reassured about my diagnosis and stuff. So I decided to tell one of my best friends as I felt safe and I assumed they wouldn't comment too much on it but he just kinda kept saying that I didn't really have it and that asking me all the stigmatised questions and idk ever since then I'm afraid and it's just kinda proved the negativity that I felt? I feel so unsure of myself and I feel almost wrong and not real? Does that make any sense? Idk I just wanted to express the feelings as i feel very unsafe in myself now and I feel like I'm all wrong",2.669102691924228,4.943322836158195,4.3372549019607884,82.51112662013959,77.70056497175142,7.1025589896975765,23.40611498836823,8.124751697461798,1.441383781987371,710,23,137,13,17,238,100,177,0.12300000000000001,0.7040000000000001,0.17300000000000001,0.9302,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,1,11,13,0,2,6,0,6,1,0,2,5,49,23,19,0,2,7,0,9,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,13,12,0,3,15,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,9,10,22,9,16,13,6,11,0,0,0,0,15,3,0,6,10,96,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352756787197472,0.0,0.13954138200652028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476446684092776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26055152025706085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494798003513325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624183323590692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550957370439876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143983660076834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194829669660152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605229868857298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4227648139812805,0.09955344148973892,0.2676004735722373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076633824605574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248324528882777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361611681695874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185868853932345,0.09301886429660568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244010889172184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442884875278196,0.10598384256195063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122133458911786,0.0,0.0,0.15861363346145885,0.0892727687462824,0.0,0.2751875301285357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081868744761676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152738137239548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807290638164206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952525290999506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180021209511994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925795974492988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498039240578893,0.0821937047988489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30472012784150154,0.0,0.08973843001261861 bpd,min2y,2020/03/09,I had a nightmare that my fp ignored me ahahhaha in my dream I did all I could do to attract his attention and I even told him I hated him in my dream but he didn’t even acknowledge me. I woke up extremely sad today :). I just saw him at school today and started feeling angry when I realized he didn’t actually do anything to me.,1.1098757763975158,3.1831177101449306,3.987619047619052,84.03000000000002,82.04347826086956,7.421118012422363,27.248447204968944,8.418075326091056,2.199636024844721,258,12,53,6,7,92,45,69,0.188,0.72,0.092,-0.8686,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,1,11,13,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,7,2,18,1,6,5,1,8,0,1,1,0,7,4,0,0,4,41,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.2906265558231101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24507812028574766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23778274272508185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934108078944395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058528807792854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940327561563717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014068327485882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21079649571551792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5645916280939153,0.2845770280186764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,twoinchhouses,2020/03/09,"Taking Prozac for BPD? Share your experiences : ) &#x200B; Today, my partner was prescribed Fluoxetine (Prozac) for her BPD symptoms, alongside depression, anxiety, and mild dissociation. I’m curious to see how other people’s experiences with Prozac for BPD went. Did it help you and in what ways?",8.120000000000001,11.132844333333335,7.773333333333332,60.70500000000001,64.0,10.633333333333336,37.0,10.686352973137794,5.015775,240,12,32,7,4,76,40,48,0.1,0.76,0.14,0.2869,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,4,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,4,1,6,3,0,4,0,1,1,0,6,1,0,0,1,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006613905205271,0.22503520718490344,0.0,0.0,0.1416755641026768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6997492228694084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15951031681220176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623173410584071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413396600641875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839261301659788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757841272234384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924910909524222,0.13924545568011096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554555499314214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700113815662316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167991793270554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22503520718490344,0.0 bpd,ssurkaihuoo,2020/03/09,"Keep thinking it's my fault, I'm actually confused To shorten the story a lil bit, I had an intense relationship with a girl. I loved her more than I have ever loved anyone else, but she kinda betrayed me. And since then (August 2019, when she broke up with me for no reason at all) I'm afraid to fall in love or even be physically attracted to someone. I don't know why. When I think about someone telling me that they wanna be more than friends with me, my head just keeps repeating that i fuck up everything and that even tho I didn't do anything wrong last time, it will always be my fault. It's really tiring and idk what to do anymore :') any advice?",5.124772727272728,5.257266628787882,5.863181818181817,82.41477272727273,68.31818181818181,8.721212121212123,29.37878787878788,8.472884824447931,1.9544060606060607,513,17,106,7,8,168,91,132,0.163,0.657,0.18,0.5488,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,8,12,1,2,4,0,10,6,1,1,2,20,21,9,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,7,6,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,2,0,18,5,16,15,4,13,0,1,0,4,11,4,1,3,8,72,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.15885354393521936,0.0,0.0,0.15907048240227312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544919347053455,0.0,0.0,0.11069859186468572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614378258703909,0.11382224436938095,0.1667912788280454,0.13395722850622316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17771779033765428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359850085959513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21503437935825406,0.14724730092720045,0.0,0.0,0.14629961713813547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576638935539786,0.15049103507069578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706318081929042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893795091743884,0.0,0.0,0.08946174014229966,0.13269055435436558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4407563076185035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042834948743372,0.1673688969666284,0.0,0.17476892174921949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465647286903418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758524351909007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228024930887526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086106208004669,0.0,0.0,0.0949205649498917,0.18709607519110472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688709429451016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779785725038908,0.0,0.0 bpd,finandomi,2020/03/09,"Conflicting info from vague doctor about starting effexor - any advice would be appreciated Hi guys, (also posted in effexor sub) So back in summer 2018 I was prescribed two 37.5mg tablets of effexor twice a day (venaflaxine here in the UK). I was on sertraline which was great but went back to the docs asking for something new due to the libido issues. I took one tablet and the foggy side effects took place and I got sent home from work, so I stopped taking them. I felt like I didn't have the time feel the side effects and for them to subside. Luckily I was in a good period so wasn't desperate for the help. Recently I've been feeling pretty bad again so was going to start taking them again but went to the doctor today to get their advice, and I don't really think he was listening to me. He gave me the option of citalopram or the effexor again. I said what do you recommend and he was like ""I'm giving you the choice"" - super confusing as he's a doctor so should be telling me what to do! Of course I couldn't do loads more research sitting in the room so I've just stuck with the effexor for now and will get another appointment in a month. However he said take one per day, where the leaflet says the usual starting dose is 2x 37.5mg per day, as does my original prescription. Recently I've not been feeling great (I have BPD so anxiety, depression, mood swings, paranoia) so was going to start taking them again but went to the doctor today to get their advice, and I don't really think he was listening to me. He gave me the option of citalopram or the effexor again. I said what do you recommend and he said ""I'm giving you the choice"" - super confusing as he's a doctor so should be telling me what to do! Of course I couldn't do loads more research sitting in the room so I've just stuck with the effexor for now and will get another appointment in a month. **However he said take one per day, where the leaflet says the usual starting dose is 2x 37.5mg per day, as does my original prescription.** What I'm not sure about is whether I should take 2x per day as originally prescribed or 1x a day as he says. If I take 1x a day will I not just go into withdrawal before I take it the next day? Of course usually I would do whatever the doctor says but this doctor wasn't very helpful and I now have two conflicting prescriptions. Any advice would be great + thanks in advance.",4.076724812030071,5.389941027368426,5.080120300751883,82.81284210526317,71.3578947368421,8.965413533834587,27.46616541353384,9.3871,2.318774436090226,1888,66,376,42,35,619,172,475,0.077,0.767,0.157,0.9921,2,0,1,0,0,0,51.0,0,4,6,6,29,15,0,2,33,0,44,9,0,5,1,56,95,36,0,9,15,0,4,2,0,9,9,11,3,1,8,13,0,3,9,0,0,10,10,4,0,6,31,15,39,10,47,49,2,74,0,1,0,0,44,18,0,8,45,228,47,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280767800250737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04666267877567983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936035021871081,0.12237066248809415,0.04463778625636451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05454961281090513,0.0,0.0,0.08973549049269021,0.04872002660792657,0.0,0.0,0.04965177029899416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349010499525202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386797922853157,0.0,0.05025699013548887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4180677178955381,0.10212540477500777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851092824175613,0.0,0.05602539646277428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121942402117767,0.11194976529739008,0.09948538578629433,0.04894142646403817,0.04666803025439078,0.1929940902570805,0.0,0.05777592741990376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822189347675443,0.0,0.05853006452495699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06090250756625019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05701397555618561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314923555775967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05635504100990759,0.062056159403222726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861893108652904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06096359847595111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05588341590776394,0.059363187817970224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476133648903871,0.0,0.1152276770758478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775222784469093,0.1856098628483481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0449208779332328,0.0,0.0,0.20650305821192808,0.0,0.0,0.04878342690743809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499442589083052,0.0,0.3509770468710735,0.0,0.1020013915638608,0.05372107627476004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477697614394463,0.0,0.0,0.034024503611524225,0.0,0.1106184402605913,0.0,0.12965856317261826,0.0,0.0,0.11399944330338208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927936905187842,0.04814507227126225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227381616006262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0424796814380431,0.0,0.0,0.12435104349199222,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bangreguenra,2020/03/09,i know they’re busy but i text them and they don’t respond and im terrified that they hate me and don’t want anything to do with me because i love them and i don’t wanna be left in the dirt. i should give it time once it’s spring break but what if that means they forget about me,-1.1657812499999984,0.8046464843750023,0.6206250000000004,104.861875,91.96875,3.825,14.25,5.148860815047168,-1.38786875,221,4,58,1,8,71,42,64,0.228,0.669,0.10300000000000001,-0.8674,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,5,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,14,12,7,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,13,1,5,10,0,5,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,1,2,37,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681732479232051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19865473793503827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126158593153665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217411620520396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520086507877225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790963107131448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540719166651112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941213696211059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35498120416615314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470538611368399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900245061888202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19221373927869886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,1234ideclareathunbwa,2020/03/09,"How can I stop having a favourite person that I barely know??? I don’t really know what I want out of this post, but I just wanted to share. I have BPD and around November time I think I found a new FP (favourite person). This is a man from work, he is about 20 years older than me and I have barely talked to him in person. We started talking about over the companies instant messenger and eventually moved on to WhatsApp. We chatted most days via IM. Skip forward a few weeks and my dumb self got drunk at the staff Christmas party which he didn’t attend... so I drunk text him. It was very inappropriate, not only because I have a boyfriend but also because he is married and my senior.... now please don’t make me feel bad about this because I have only just stopped obsessing with how embarrassing I was... I apologised and he said it was fine and that he didn’t mind. Since then, we haven’t talked and he only works one day a week so I barely see him in the office. I have tried to shake him off my mind, but I can’t. When he is at work, all I do is think about him and purposefully try to run into him so I can say hello.... if that happens I then sit and wait at my phone or computer for him to message me like we used to.. I still dream about him most nights, sometimes sexual dreams and sometimes not. I feel like I crave his attention constantly. Like how do I stop this? I’ve never (noticeably) done this before? But I just can’t get this man out of my head..",2.69401616499443,4.163798060200669,3.870756688963212,89.50082845596434,75.08695652173913,6.990022296544037,23.160674470457078,7.645422480735847,0.8546219620958757,1136,32,248,15,24,370,156,299,0.105,0.794,0.1,-0.539,0,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,4,0,0,3,19,10,1,3,9,0,26,3,1,5,2,56,44,27,0,3,11,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,0,6,13,20,2,4,8,5,0,5,10,5,0,1,9,5,46,5,30,35,4,40,0,0,1,0,36,13,1,4,25,164,59,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885336898685097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855419510051028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243712189836384,0.20246094780374665,0.0,0.09420493097290224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943370451001433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963675103399395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279587733182944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329341491540425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195526812909436,0.07909030174624235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138635126189475,0.0,0.0,0.05784071496845927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854384329666608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978993184116191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361904317202208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958437003887888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168518838949925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226000400644347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389890229027987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22356841074335826,0.0,0.0,0.11766580433996172,0.0,0.0,0.08538535751447886,0.1069231311662007,0.0,0.10389259477344917,0.0,0.0,0.12604256377462522,0.0,0.0,0.07501906543509683,0.25259681522857924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899996424192831,0.0,0.1215248833478312,0.0,0.0,0.1060283109024924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092281404047426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530930489325684,0.08803998433603034,0.0,0.0,0.08822048293474638,0.0,0.11549329591063875,0.0,0.0,0.09157936254576814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189874268839148,0.0,0.07836017216466498,0.0,0.08841209332878677,0.27767223626243553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669503256292572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418753013957564,0.0,0.0,0.06455512048833909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032785062564327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561675230230286,0.0,0.09134625377277901,0.13059769339772273,0.0,0.17760764743430488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417917085447483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129275896166379 bpd,OrangeAdventure,2020/03/09,"I just need to rant for a second: women with BPD jump between unstable relationships. Men with BPD stay single. I understand that’s a pretty large generalization to make and a lot of people in the comments are going to tell me I’m wrong and I’ll readily admit that my perspective on this is myopic, but that’s my experience as a BPD man. I’m 26 years old and I’ve had all of four girlfriends in my life, all of whom dumped me unceremoniously because of no attraction or something like that; my ex wife pretty straightforwardly told me that in her own words she was a “former fat girl who didn’t know how good she could have it, and settled with you (me) because of low self esteem.” Ive not dated anyone for two years now, ever since she left me but not for lack of trying; constantly refreshing tinder and OKCupid hasn’t given me anything but an occasional hookup and no one actually interested in dating. Or if they are interested, I can never make it past the talking stage before the fear of abandonment sets in. I’m the youngest person in a job full of boomers so that’s out, and my friends are video game obsessed (no disrespect I enjoy games too) shut-ins who despise the bar and club scene so they’ll never go out with me. I know that no relationship is better than a toxic relationship but goddamnit, I just want someone to cuddle and take out on dates again. I’m a hopeless romantic and I’m crying typing this out imagining getting to buy flowers for a girl again. :’( it’s been two whole years and I’ve been going to therapy and taking my meds, I feel like I’ve spent enough time “finding myself.” I’m 26 and I truly feel like I’ll never find someone again. To make things worse: I’ve been horribly suicidal and depressed since I was a homeschooled preteen and when I was a kid, that translated to hygiene issues. I’ve horribly mistreated my teeth and while I have my hygiene issues sorted out, I have all of them now and my smile is okay as long as no one stares intensely at them, I’m likely going to start losing my teeth in my 30s and 40s and feel like I’m in this race against time to find someone willing to tolerate me before my dental issues make the Elephant Man look more attractive.",5.355345622119817,6.053608013824888,6.224585253456223,78.04259216589864,67.94009216589862,9.057142857142855,29.785714285714285,9.140100540675403,2.435056221198157,1754,62,334,31,28,580,222,434,0.155,0.703,0.141,-0.8409,2,0,1,0,0,1,35.0,0,1,4,2,13,24,2,2,18,1,23,6,3,5,7,71,56,34,1,5,11,2,3,5,2,2,2,0,0,9,18,28,2,1,11,5,2,5,12,10,0,6,11,5,43,14,50,42,11,52,0,5,2,1,35,19,0,5,30,217,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.08192554828921599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05870155330795381,0.0,0.0690857699539366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235335277864643,0.0,0.14287482062028165,0.0,0.0,0.07424918076417716,0.0,0.0,0.3172057765111047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072284840637457,0.0,0.06702925517695192,0.0,0.09221790006181613,0.0,0.0,0.07230818163465058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674539409403764,0.0,0.0,0.07593985984654841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212167284915985,0.0,0.0944699241126636,0.12734674835684268,0.17992708913584474,0.0,0.0,0.2301932444307377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486150795916618,0.0,0.043861726187372115,0.0,0.1908486050341192,0.07041538987273342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628738549941375,0.08330992106368673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227621783564513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121465758165444,0.0,0.05929814697081257,0.2050748009936556,0.0,0.0,0.07429533752108622,0.07049897201365825,0.09392139458607968,0.0,0.07137342951961655,0.0,0.0,0.22415583345199874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932523229157875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062249729111659526,0.19424807458309545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809404640155284,0.0,0.11377679922321393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014217885179781,0.058202106096258435,0.07330410142847539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081978668366635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704007612960552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758078672561259,0.0,0.0,0.13889278258703935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21339809084598704,0.06463075070805904,0.0,0.0,0.059422025079670725,0.08948221506143024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183042978750104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624369260041435,0.06747785474162507,0.07337820200038743,0.0,0.09600702205991687,0.0,0.055774323261801456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790677796415102,0.0,0.0,0.08022022965146994,0.0,0.056998249641914626,0.0,0.16401882465319306,0.08739753306805906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049517370866153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372998939388244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555478916887184,0.0,0.09178890048596823,0.0,0.16218800931613614 bpd,avian100,2020/03/09,"My housemates shower together every night and it's really annoying me My housemates who are partners shower together almost every night. My bedroom is next to the bathroom and so I find myself doing the mental/emotional/DBT gymnastics on a nightly basis in order to avoid going into a hashtag triggered meltdown, which is becoming tiresome. I am trying to objectively reason with myself and argue for their case - ""People are allowed to shower"" ""People are allowed to talk in the shower"" - but I find that, along with some *actual* annoying bathroom habits (leaving lots of hair in the drain, soaking the bathmat, spending 20 minutes under the water), my main irritation is that they always shower together. I suppose my reason for posting this is to get some guidance on whether or not I have the right to potentially discuss their shower habits with them/request that they change. I tend to let a lot of things slide nowadays because, in the ups and downs of BPD, I have definitely been a terrible housemate in the past (I have done an exponential amount of self-improvement in the past few months so I would say I'm a regular housemate now) and I don't want to cause strain by asking too much or by coming off as controlling.",7.375328185328188,8.395373765765767,7.603294723294723,68.79405405405406,63.59459459459461,9.76628056628057,36.127413127413135,9.784248007369934,3.8814494208494215,984,45,148,19,14,320,136,222,0.095,0.889,0.016,-0.9321,8,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,4,1,4,6,3,2,16,0,17,2,1,7,0,33,24,12,0,2,5,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,7,1,8,11,1,2,4,0,1,3,2,6,0,0,2,2,22,0,35,20,8,27,0,0,0,0,11,14,0,7,8,119,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.1366737564190895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402451384989256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653721797420726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309327868160632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537640271238357,0.15468006036900456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639473049586574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387535925347966,0.14815992246288634,0.12064522798868955,0.0,0.0,0.15708391296748822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332518426004898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360052388449918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256015989115554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317310663446355,0.0,0.07959664690089631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148298326030725,0.0,0.14321601949590518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381399923384627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114278745053774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179079348960304,0.0,0.10295675055513816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895038609955952,0.39429719636250254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26739723712602914,0.19419340212643094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341342496227929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972300286104314,0.2880003214215615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960644943333945,0.0,0.11137758524302094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610820875646474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125711340994899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304650906958196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508834607212424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260823669293846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949125715662352,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rubyhorizon,2020/03/09,"Pretty sure I’m unloveable I mean, I think my kids love me, maybe one of my siblings. But in general I’m pretty sure I’m too messed up for anyone to be able to actually love me. My ex didn’t, I don’t think. Before him was a few high school boyfriends and a bunch of abusers. My Mother will take her g*ds side over mine any day. I just need to find a way out of this hole I’m in. I’m in a really negative way right now because of this.",0.22538373424971425,1.7606863608247425,2.481374570446736,96.46875143184424,82.29896907216495,5.9605956471935855,19.02520045819015,6.937597516519254,-0.07079060710194751,335,8,85,4,9,114,64,97,0.098,0.713,0.18899999999999997,0.8558,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,4,0,5,2,0,0,2,12,17,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,13,4,14,13,2,13,0,0,0,2,7,9,0,0,2,47,15,1,0.1862780200621243,0.2207089933663614,0.18178047665319225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667544138773432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302499228071353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355335205979825,0.0,0.15850887504840086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013391254396465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025473562590882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19681295556862335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362463717710781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18714130862003828,0.20291137312049298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812279155584342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622680730714647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790234291204724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933446957310755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590804113272445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18852330121172825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35112965879747443,0.0,0.14005788850108414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23871886735804634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29571764359436203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tawayshhhhhh,2020/03/09,"I feel like I'm going to lose it really bad, need help to handle the corona paranoia and feeling like living in prison My bf is on the worried side and honestly I can't argue with what he's showing me happening in China nor can I seriously believe the official version is the real deal. He wants us to stay home and only go out with masks and stuff bc we dont know if we have it because tests can be false negatives and we could spread it even being non symptomatic ourselves. And I get it. I GET IT. But I'm so mad at all of this and I feel completely alone and desesperate and like I'm in prison. Surviving is not my priority at all in this life. I get protecting the others but they can protect themselves too. I don't want to save the world. I can't do it anyway. This won't change a damn thing. But I feel so fucking guilty and selfish for thinking that I'd much rather sit back and watch the world burn than live in this prison hell. I cant argue that with him. I dont have the guts and I feel too ashamed. But if I stay confined more I will lose it. I didnt ask to be here in the first place. I'm going through hell all the time bc of my fucking brain. And I'm supposed to defend that? Give all my energy to maintain my suffering longer and worse ? Guys im just so sick of all this. Plus I have no idea what's sane or not. My view on the virus is 'just because i'm paranoid doesnt mean nobody wants to kill me' but I cant be certain of ANYTHING. There's no certitude and just some 'hey shit could be terrible'. This is a fucking paradise for anxiety. Its all we're talking about now. I so much want to be cool and happy and be social and be over with all this fucking bs. Nobody in our area is taking it seriously anyway. My bf is 100% worried and in a savior egotrip and wont talk about anything else and will just flip if I dont wear a mask or what and just..I just cant argue..its all tearing me apart inside. I feel so alone. Please help me stay sane. I hope someone here can feel me. I dont give a shit about the fucking virus. Feeling so guilty writing that and please understand im just venting here bc I cant talk about it.",1.0011602870813403,2.877947864035087,2.7877830940988844,93.53433014354069,81.32456140350877,5.8121212121212125,21.986443381180223,6.883109765328512,0.4393570175438604,1670,53,381,19,44,554,199,456,0.215,0.67,0.115,-0.9956,0,2,0,0,0,1,38.0,5,0,1,4,28,32,14,1,17,1,42,12,5,0,9,86,82,41,1,12,19,0,8,3,2,4,2,0,1,1,27,32,0,3,13,1,0,3,21,23,0,1,1,11,43,9,40,67,13,31,2,3,2,5,26,20,10,7,7,245,70,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600080263181057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909331341402056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713447282169707,0.0,0.07221499175462974,0.0,0.0,0.059397742459610985,0.06449754890053783,0.09417742290288336,0.0,0.0,0.08703028294789585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623257141318938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171648858321931,0.0,0.08099142026213056,0.0,0.0,0.12334998982040313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796376853975178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621289987705253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645294866588594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051020543577800316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31246495920842376,0.11036974106669692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657057804532843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3570654346438573,0.12107422642027232,0.14820364364286706,0.13170279208337782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648611799881272,0.06830876975513547,0.08223026933211454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355331782164516,0.0,0.07748447531093634,0.07672314225172394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720182570391112,0.1668788165603655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854617383122826,0.0,0.042452621995589225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05456144340190708,0.1132161227879196,0.0,0.13642003943347375,0.0,0.0,0.17283800984401476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414401623348865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357003960921762,0.05727725477461605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05874939673492719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070608633895303,0.16958678386756726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792335750941148,0.04948604600399405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858471649278094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874301537028648,0.06545065599604294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470032738942736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884286901276549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058079707718823474,0.1862632817605312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05131910080472367,0.04949639820900412,0.0,0.0,0.04504301902708266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041626589624043,0.09291795346002146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822478013860828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689501424810806,0.07872071937251511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,peanut_nibbles,2020/03/09,borderline moment over cigarettes Friend smoked in front of me knowing I had no cigarettes and he always refuses to spare a smoke so got triggered and had a meltdown crying and hyperventilating. Cleaned the kitchen for money only for mum to refuse to pay me because I was going to buy smokes. Then decided I wanted to die or hurt myself so dad came home to me in the garage looking for blades he yelled at me. My friend said he can’t deal with me anymore and left. Dad said he was turning my car off again (he disconnects something under the bonnet when he does this) I raced him to the car got in and so did dad we then argued in the car for an hour he drove the car to the middle of the backyard to make it inconvenient for me to drive away if I got in the drivers seat. Eventually I got out of the car and dad then got out and started working under the bonnet. He didn’t know I had a spare key and so I jumped in the drivers seat and locked the doors and started driving with the bonnet up i drove around the yard and then drove over the top of his plants and destroyed them only to find the gates were all closed so I got out of the car and had another meltdown. In the end I got the money for smokes though.,5.011948924731187,5.0992290927419415,5.465258064516132,85.3270537634409,68.55645161290322,8.226236559139785,28.226881720430107,7.793537801064563,1.4964297849462365,957,29,204,10,15,307,120,248,0.096,0.871,0.032,-0.9337,0,0,7,0,0,2,10.0,1,0,1,2,9,5,2,0,24,0,10,1,0,2,1,34,32,26,1,2,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,3,7,0,2,22,1,2,4,1,4,15,3,3,0,0,22,4,24,2,43,10,1,49,0,1,1,0,25,23,0,2,11,132,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390112884337448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093618247560748,0.0,0.0,0.12383663509670614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116000979134463,0.0,0.0,0.11731866894440315,0.0,0.0,0.07611906970669673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281703243550234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716288860984008,0.0,0.1287346019715315,0.0,0.0,0.12959445465312974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092738272649026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059699630489524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412813319838515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19294717804907166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096601076388337,0.0,0.6990848166785757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525393020070438,0.0,0.12297095147186955,0.0,0.13367499865410876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372496291917696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567068767636803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485862982062796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335112162175834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18993721796375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23755829675470644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613036573373973,0.0,0.0,0.17676604220027786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268329759580472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582176894989678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365105494501024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909062222461768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,masuraus,2020/03/09,"Certain relationships change me forever To start this off I was in a relationship for about 5 months that ended and when it did, I felt nothing. I kinda just forgot about her and when she called me I felt guilt for only a few hours woke up and was gone. With her I was very toxic and was on drugs every time I was around her. Because of my BPD I started to use heavier the closer we got to numb the constant fear of abandonment and emptiness I would feel for days when we couldn’t speak because she didn’t always have a phone. Shortly after I went to treatment for substance abuse for a few months and the first few weeks without her were hard, but afterwards it was like we were never together. She would never cross my mind and actually the girl I was with before would more than she would. When I got out I ended up moving due to being in the same environment that has caused me to relapse 3 times. (Been to rehab a lot) I was only home for a week and immediately felt my cravings and emotions getting unbearable. But this isn’t about my addiction I’m focusing on the relationship part of this. While I was in treatment I ended up building a relationship with my therapist that turned into something intimate. She has said before that she has a lot of behavior close to borderline (which I mentioned myself having early on) and that she saw herself in me. When we got close it was the highest I’ve been in years. More than any drug I was abusing before. I feel as if relationships (that feel good even if toxic) do something to our brains that nothing else can. That’s why fear of abandonment is so high. In truth she understands all of me and we have only known each other for a few months. I have only felt this understood once in my live before by my ex girlfriend who was diagnosed with bpd. She makes me feel alive which nothing else did for years. We have been talking since I get out a few weeks ago and have been seeing each other daily. However due to the laws around confidentiality we are having to end things. Also due to the fact that she is almost 20 years older than I am and she is married with a child. But none of that matters not even the way she looks. The connection is so strong I could be with her all day and not eat sleep and still feel amazing. I haven’t felt this close to someone in a long time and am going to fall apart when things fully end (just hasn’t hit me yet but I know tomorrow is going to be hell). Advice?",4.0824691358024685,5.430161958847737,4.825617283950617,84.51027777777782,71.38683127572017,7.622222222222224,25.63991769547325,8.07648339933343,1.4278584362139908,1936,59,387,27,36,624,219,486,0.055,0.887,0.057999999999999996,0.6699,1,0,4,0,2,0,35.0,8,0,0,2,20,13,1,3,23,0,53,9,2,3,7,91,88,33,0,8,11,1,11,1,1,4,6,2,1,2,25,39,1,3,14,0,0,7,11,7,0,1,36,16,65,6,66,42,16,80,1,2,3,0,42,27,1,6,46,291,90,0,0.0,0.15634303747887154,0.06438367426909013,0.07192426592280189,0.0,0.06447159988442874,0.058484302267378926,0.0,0.06606606528945222,0.0,0.0,0.05276148769253098,0.05489784197684745,0.0,0.0,0.04486637127572896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746637826946366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804374833401888,0.0,0.2245650130920576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619051335949836,0.07365173958500512,0.06736951652116764,0.0,0.0,0.0677761737748692,0.06979452703658755,0.0,0.0,0.07129729910308008,0.0,0.0526769710051567,0.0,0.0,0.08509893731501722,0.0,0.0,0.06696489131058762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530238907155776,0.06751056423683466,0.11023001794019197,0.07421482926732614,0.2921785592634245,0.0,0.0,0.08715388460520386,0.0,0.05558815686971368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484841041484009,0.16679883415794006,0.0,0.316739559697167,0.0,0.0,0.05611968832503853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894013285717641,0.0,0.07499207925865291,0.05533806754752989,0.1583026158274277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059102101929691814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970793264802802,0.06617993994562674,0.0,0.06497369120812738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03625903076620493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032232849126288966,0.0,0.05825857361011937,0.05838724196001961,0.05540375310531243,0.0,0.0,0.11218194406063534,0.0,0.0,0.044039913274494406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661758913128743,0.0,0.15798575138845972,0.07012271708922453,0.0,0.0,0.10177048977205062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18991906951906545,0.0,0.0,0.0702629583958666,0.0,0.2007128025146743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144626161609705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541710512561977,0.0,0.0,0.06275888424267359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052574832603315656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054576550655740935,0.0,0.06602427818164355,0.0,0.055901785045818525,0.10158406719878324,0.0,0.0,0.09339719750506258,0.0,0.052689022461006416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05302951656453715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660395333072796,0.08766388352482825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541451170262935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176362847864083,0.0,0.06868399929545099,0.0,0.056982625566497885,0.0,0.054437629916355125,0.0,0.05236917844903215,0.15876742037051728,0.0,0.0,0.06116099760230308,0.059533647151413224,0.0,0.0,0.06359911756314765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874716218014081,0.0,0.0,0.12746036102558253 bpd,Lildrummerman,2020/03/09,"Remember to be positive in a healthy way. When you meet someone don't allow your logic to be swept away by how good you feel. If you feel good, honestly the odds that you're on here are low but remember that the cause of these moments of self hatred are so intense because you swung very hard from happy to ""not fucking into this right now"". There is a healthy amount of happy to be, make sure to always protect yourself because you don't wanna act out an in order to do that you have to pay very close attention to your inner thoughts. I know that's hard because most of us were raised by people who punished us for our emotions, but you've been punished enough for being bombastic you don't need to join into the chorus.",9.377291666666668,6.444964368055558,8.683888888888893,75.55000000000003,61.569444444444436,11.266666666666667,38.583333333333336,8.841846274778883,3.2921750000000003,575,21,112,6,6,182,94,144,0.14300000000000002,0.667,0.19,0.8417,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,3,9,0,0,6,10,3,0,6,0,14,1,0,4,1,24,21,6,0,3,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,8,1,1,1,4,4,0,0,3,4,13,6,26,14,3,17,0,1,0,1,15,11,1,2,3,78,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019109051536892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700365258502548,0.0,0.0,0.2861381239390308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073225571290642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760016278745528,0.0,0.1616697688454432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822641716862199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446490116820272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624701846773682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.333118975828648,0.28032311744502325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598885833205239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444134284598623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601652654045852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084728605728568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544878067416521,0.1336199229317815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322671299276587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257195719897766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746604423553558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421542391001485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764153242364235,0.0,0.0,0.2581993808380057,0.0,0.12419432542628668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,2fast-2furious,2020/03/09,"What does ""quiet borderline"" mean to you? Is it just being self-aware? lmk what you think, but to me it seems like people with ""quiet"" bpd are the ones who are more self-aware, and I THINK thats why we tend to turn things inward, instead of acting out in ways that affect others.. does that make any sense? also feel free to vent to me (24f) or say hi, i'm always too anxious to post or comment here, BUT currently feeling isolated & hoping someone might reach out",6.251630434782609,5.663215684782614,6.207739130434785,83.32856521739133,66.06521739130434,8.664347826086956,27.09565217391304,7.554174236665415,1.3656104347826088,361,8,73,3,5,114,71,92,0.054000000000000006,0.7979999999999999,0.14800000000000002,0.8552,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,2,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,0,20,16,6,0,1,5,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,10,5,0,0,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,6,4,11,14,1,7,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,5,2,45,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390291891613045,0.16013456958737995,0.20852047478059213,0.0,0.13087321458312506,0.0,0.0,0.21741474327972785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423851773404195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33683016712184105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19461791978506734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19114717224268876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402179094016272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284624732580734,0.0,0.0,0.2096354540772586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20415999706688204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040971365780868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342122545394736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431476830883428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304468378951971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752000756407365,0.4015365310604533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306302698116454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785582958367436,0.24662953774254814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20933132058819995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275857025704598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736570076211577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rottenpeachesx,2020/03/09,"Please share your experiences with CBD here! My therapist has talked about referring me to a psychiatrist for meds, and while I think having something to supplement all the work I'm doing to manage would be g r e a t, I'm very paranoid about pharmaceuticals. (Not totally opposed and not judging anyone else for taking them 💗) Of course, everyone is different, but I thought it'd be interesting to see how it affects BPD. I've just ordered some broad spectrum 1000mg oil and I'll share my experiences after a week or two here!",5.636157142857139,6.999856130000001,6.6194285714285765,73.04900000000002,67.7,10.114285714285714,33.285714285714285,10.290406445055957,3.621171428571429,423,19,76,11,7,141,78,100,0.018000000000000002,0.873,0.11,0.8195,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,1,6,3,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,2,2,19,14,7,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,7,3,11,9,3,5,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,2,3,47,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554414878226552,0.22777871478915485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27998655951605456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322624004157092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18570809400958746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21242286017685327,0.0,0.4349157489305871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24693179311465766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24402517385389685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714905863359898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711419797778093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714640669802713,0.17868110032955492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25811434004061456,0.0,0.14244467525872898,0.0,0.17648609102188467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21716060903247872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342568899246253,0.0,0.0,0.17832042232407272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184137790991196,0.0,0.0,0.15791976730202234,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sloky031,2020/03/09,"stuff to remember if you have bpd - not everything is your fault. you’ll mess up sometimes, but so will everyone else. - leaving a discussion to stop yourself from losing your temper isn’t “losing”. you are just trying to be responsible and healthy. - you are not manipulating people by asking for support when you feel bad. - denying the parts of yourself that you don’t like will not make you the person you want to be. - ignoring emotions you don’t like will not make them go away. the fastest way to deal with them is to accept that they’re there. - you can learn to survive on your own. - relapse is normal. it does not mean failure. we are all of us stars, and we deserve to twinkle.",2.5963186813186816,5.210721884615385,3.2806593406593407,88.08076923076923,80.15384615384616,5.868131868131869,25.43956043956044,7.1686216300943375,1.2489560439560434,535,21,102,7,14,168,86,130,0.175,0.655,0.171,-0.1734,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,3,13,2,3,4,11,1,0,4,0,17,0,0,3,1,26,25,6,0,3,8,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,2,5,0,0,1,8,7,0,0,0,1,18,4,17,19,3,8,0,2,0,0,22,3,0,1,5,75,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525566606705133,0.0,0.1660808100697839,0.0,0.14759518964519255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226350587020124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822416429696727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469222345320896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766827551553444,0.19884194995835056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891087924672793,0.1588690723663682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937999524401324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046220828393587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18717342875520002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272134521520355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3955198185928628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23599009302989715,0.0,0.0,0.1925538604985089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319662617270826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914241953694524,0.0,0.12254974783097265,0.1543483517620199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20024543971607325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17482960382724902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778725807949925,0.0,0.0,0.2023588417227179,0.0,0.20059598925425629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001492023108265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21263200224126166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426325987007383,0.1403114399551263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ruby_Bellwether,2020/03/09,"Wow! Dark, Ecosia. Very dark. [Kind of amusing, if you have a dark sense of humor.] CW trauma triggers, discussion of suicidal ideation I actually found the following rather funny and it gave me a laugh. I hope you all can find it amusing, too. So. I have been struggling just now because I have unfortunately just had someone trigger my trauma (unintentionally) and have been in a rather horrible trauma response today. My usual reaction to this sort of thing is reassurance-seeking behavior: i.e., ringing up a friend and getting them to soothe me, instead of necessarily using self-soothing techniques like I should. I do know several self-soothing techniques, and I could of course consult my DBT manual, but in times like these, the impulse is so strong to find someone to reassure me and show me the love that I never got as a child. So, I did a browser search. (I use the Ecosia browser, not Google.) I typed in the words, ""how to give yourself love and affection when no one else will"" and the very first search result that popped up was an ad with the title, ""Free Last Will and Testament - Download and Print. 100% Free."" Like, WTF, Ecosia? Someone who is obviously in need of help gets this suggestion of how to conduct your end-of-life affairs? Very dark. Glad I'm not feeling suicidal, just a bit shaken and in need of attention. A few years ago, something like this could have really sent me into a downward spiral, as silly as it is. But now my response was just a dark chuckle.",4.074654545454546,6.4827740654545485,4.705090909090909,80.92163636363638,73.8,7.454545454545455,29.54545454545455,8.364918446050245,2.373872727272728,1168,51,208,21,25,373,158,275,0.10300000000000001,0.6759999999999999,0.221,0.9904,0,0,1,0,0,0,58.0,0,3,1,2,16,25,0,1,18,0,22,2,0,8,3,48,40,22,2,9,11,0,1,4,1,3,0,1,0,1,11,12,0,0,6,3,2,2,4,4,0,2,10,2,24,23,27,25,3,22,1,0,0,2,18,9,0,3,15,139,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.12462577665061225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320651818469547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785035528722846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942539207367574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039308410912228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066846661980781,0.0,0.11311246300319545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457361897200625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23344782725269564,0.10862939747220894,0.0,0.1400265682138224,0.09866782673952497,0.0,0.13344559311438348,0.12251032101777505,0.0,0.0,0.10214072986298507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560079831340922,0.0,0.0,0.1268440715182579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132989500426716,0.07018564754397938,0.10410005959550236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495690966151839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305251146847249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893895371793803,0.0984972236513385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653907275638148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181379664941163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664571380546461,0.14427506785548228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246228235611305,0.0983167970273348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350940561029542,0.0,0.2793863177338853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484433121064967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446827331607557,0.0,0.12105340811399225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205995245669036,0.14065366344100447,0.3161204443997432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822405507053972 bpd,Serra-Co,2020/03/09,"I relate to many on this sub; when should i reach out to others in the real world? I’m nineteen. I’m okay I think. I like to feel alone sometimes and that’s okay too, but I know I’m just isolated. I am struggling to form relationships in a college I just started in and It’s getting more difficult to. I like to spend a lot of time just daydreaming and sometimes I shut myself out to anyone, even though I’m ok. I don’t want to put labels I hate labels and I’m scared of being labeled by a professional, I’m scared of the weight of a label and how I’ll carry on after... but I don’t want to feel like I need a label to form relationships with people who go through the same things I do. I’ve been spending time smiling seeing others push ahead on here, but it’s just the internet. When I close my device I’m just alone. I don’t know where to start because I can’t say I am a person with BPD or just antisocial or whatever else there is that makes me not okay. I fantasize a life by imagining daily interactions with everyone I talk to or see... and I can’t help myself from just disappearing from thoughts that are just too fast for me to understand. I am getting out there but no matter the community I’m in I’m just another person who is there and that’s it, and I can’t create anything meaningful. I blame myself for being shallow and picky, but I’m bored if it’s not played out the way I imagine it to, I rather stay under the covers and play it out again my way so that I feel okay. I don’t know where to start. An anonymous message to you may-be?",0.8595726801358836,2.9273748723404296,3.0683220096549286,90.29909663865548,82.95136778115501,6.059038083318434,20.92267119613804,7.285733465282438,0.596492508492759,1219,37,268,18,34,415,151,329,0.12,0.753,0.127,-0.6761,0,2,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,0,1,26,16,1,3,15,5,18,2,0,2,0,62,50,24,0,6,21,0,4,3,0,1,1,1,0,2,17,19,1,0,12,2,2,4,10,6,0,0,2,7,36,10,45,45,5,36,0,0,2,0,12,18,0,5,14,183,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598718675859598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315529248948097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877226658694988,0.0,0.10324067375547767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647760970924394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800908594235458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480348141450407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286336785665056,0.0,0.0,0.11987983290276676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19030495150731908,0.08962672497115798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109252937853508,0.0,0.07130027856008858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386311685584292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409138815178399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20684416430426686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861420593271087,0.183876308874943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066593157571726,0.0,0.0,0.0837437264115138,0.12719401768679778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302500325130267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697629991490201,0.2190889621860381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611924477007544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279788111987562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693883926102509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997686857722141,0.2512093004135537,0.0,0.19994646084887174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481609685146852,0.0,0.2663979822138696,0.133720796312095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115521666029406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083783088390792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334825993317434,0.0803879763867619,0.123261166847255,0.0995990877994562,0.14631032887071327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060548076006373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799593995203625,0.19916434099662025,0.0,0.15277320116048895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Winter-Difference,2020/03/09,I ruined a friendship because i admitted feelings I admitted to a tiny crush now my friend wants nothing to do with me. Someone please shoot me.,5.555555555555557,7.2691277037037025,5.8453703703703725,77.1991666666667,68.25925925925927,8.362962962962964,39.425925925925924,8.841846274778883,3.877014814814815,116,7,19,2,2,37,21,27,0.22,0.433,0.34700000000000003,0.4767,0,0,0,1,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,3,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29009675165434795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24062314214534766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676696904506731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4566271250405985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5223818364006542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032181410968917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806909211816558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AnnoyingSharpNote,2020/03/09,"First Dissociative Episode Hi everyone! I (20F) just discovered this sub and I'm really glad to have found it; just glancing through it has already given me so much reassurance because ""wow, I'm not the only one who feels this way!"" I was diagnosed by my first few therapists about 7 years ago but my current counselor (through my college) kind of denies those diagnoses, so it's nice to see that other people have similar experiences to my own. Anyway! The reason for the post. I just experienced my first major dissociative episode. Before this I've experienced mild dissociation, but it's never been quite this bad. One second I was in my room studying for a midterm and the next I was in my bathroom floor shaking and hyperventilating. I couldn't remember my name, who I was, where I was, or how I'd gotten there. I had enough clarity to message a few friends asking for help, but they all thought I was joking and left me on read :( It took me 2 hours, loads of peppermint, a cold shower, and repeating the names and birthdays of my family members to finally come back to reality. Now that I'm back down, things feel a lot different but at least somewhat normal. Someone eventually came over to check in on me, but I'm still really shaken (literally) by the whole thing. I'm not sure how how I'm going to continue studying after this, so FML. The only upside is that now I'll have something to tell my counselor next week, I guess!",6.198532643826766,6.823836937728938,7.054626158155568,73.08694246929544,66.06959706959707,10.379573367808662,33.641241111829345,10.328600350310266,3.5127825468649,1136,48,208,27,17,379,162,273,0.075,0.8420000000000001,0.083,0.3269,3,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,1,4,18,10,0,1,11,0,14,2,0,4,3,38,33,18,0,2,11,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,19,8,0,0,6,2,1,5,4,2,0,6,14,7,26,8,29,18,11,39,0,0,2,0,12,12,0,4,20,147,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992316470448732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684286778367236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592816149713615,0.0,0.0,0.1907047529360585,0.10353919710351038,0.07559244435536201,0.0,0.10551932725523946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182896111286622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681953553604304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517254200383131,0.0,0.12955908438920696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12813056334986048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849232255669145,0.0,0.12130092110699205,0.1169011056755353,0.0,0.12540155227182415,0.0,0.0,0.13584168093620047,0.0,0.31643638568422494,0.0,0.13596534693929851,0.09580614211654902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047503655078068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660575418919513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311809958229566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212018410473842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291323767728924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473205792381462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542482201010152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115812086352176,0.0,0.09564048706715317,0.0,0.26376196267888624,0.0,0.12149880804427113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805832209155178,0.188623148381356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596962086744989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876274331816634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189483863755938,0.1240387992632441,0.0,0.15888186631657245,0.12749804149471386,0.0,0.0,0.1404737654505052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988161226091707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050692388664065,0.09546529339610434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903074619272888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687347274516245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838604698385636,0.0,0.0,0.14397964329798013,0.16476714492171635,0.0,0.0,0.09844631037697267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777438625519464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842958887965612,0.09946952499781782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844742385740202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985530997277207 bpd,Montanasloane,2020/03/09,"Tired of having to be ‘ON’ It’s bad enough that I’m constantly ON guard, can’t/won’t believe a nice word anybody says about me, but in addition I feel enormous pressure to be extroverted when I don’t want to talk to anyone. I want to be seen as this bubbly happy person but inside me there is so much sadness and I am exhausted. How does anyone deal with this? All I can tell anybody is I’m tired. I’m frightened being alone but I hate it when people are around, I feel smothered and I get angry at them for having expectations of me to be social, to engage with them, etc. I have fought this illness for many years before I knew what it was, high school was hell on earth. I didn’t work for a long time. I’m 32 and my symptoms became very obvious at about 13. Now I work full time and I resent my co workers. All day long I’m wondering if I dressed right today, did my hair right, am I accepted, do people really like me, wanting their approval but resenting them at the same time. How did you decide that you were just going to let it go? Has anyone here succeeded in that? I’ve done therapy and I hate using the word “hopeless” but I feel it every day. Thanks for reading. Keep battling. We are warriors living with this beast. ❤️",1.122780307342058,3.4575731832669336,2.8558722253841786,90.55377988047807,84.0996015936255,5.498064883323848,20.518070574843485,6.868970318607317,0.4679321570859418,963,29,198,12,28,318,148,251,0.23199999999999998,0.662,0.107,-0.99,0,1,0,0,0,1,27.0,1,2,4,5,12,20,8,1,4,0,26,6,1,3,3,40,49,17,0,5,7,0,4,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,13,11,0,2,7,1,0,2,2,13,0,0,10,6,31,7,29,33,7,29,1,2,1,0,14,14,1,2,14,130,44,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641763205087125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25604214414036786,0.0,0.0,0.10865952183096714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019152300382902,0.0,0.0,0.10386430271380527,0.13752012996044766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319037931110549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743755742194368,0.1258387824864664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068157680224363,0.12491003836772692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261208914502391,0.136129470298038,0.0,0.0,0.10284104496815112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851520255777847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377145513110184,0.0,0.1387393327929565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993543100400098,0.0,0.2410185000294661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896338068727234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849277955260174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481489964561047,0.0,0.05963248420374166,0.0,0.10778145788249606,0.21603900233821965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374995936551575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972834556922693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924244985696715,0.10657832286859736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220933048954291,0.0,0.0781949368333346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20847761354541608,0.0,0.09706722874863563,0.0,0.12353151342271408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442507757538125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686736036837554,0.0,0.09810742440039766,0.10668605919608913,0.1123767006637049,0.1395865605792637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21352298144740495,0.2805806575424525,0.11569886728880432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542088617945054,0.0,0.100712508948784,0.21598293561757775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323691600327969,0.17772266589883526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860281432854678 bpd,joethepoe,2020/03/09,"How do yous cope when your partner with BPD splits on you? My relationship with my girlfriend is often amazing but she's incredibly sensitive and when I say something, sometimes she takes it the wrong way and we can go from being happy to her getting really upset, starting an argument with me and telling me she's fed up with me and tired of getting hurt by me, that she's going to leave me, etc. Most commonly with her it's more like this: Her: My sister thinks I'm rude for not wanting to visit her for her birthday but I have work that day until 5 so i can't make it. Me: Hm could you try to make it? Getting there at 6 isn't that late. Her: How could you say that? So you're siding with my sister and think I'm a horrible person too? (she starts crying) Me: What I never said you're a bad person. You're definitely not babe, I'm just making a suggestion so you don't miss it. Her: I can't believe you're on her side. I'm done, I can't do this anymore Then she will hang up the phone on me and wont answer for a few hours but then I'll get a text saying she's sorry for getting upset and sometimes even shows up at my house with wine or takeout food lol She's a really kind person but when she splits, it hurts me and although I'm getting more used to it, I don't really know how to handle it. She doesn't start therapy until next year as it's been a long wait through the NHS",1.032561327561332,2.8306941212121277,3.0087385762385743,92.38390151515156,80.85185185185185,5.85901875901876,20.371452621452626,6.868970318607317,0.24928869648869645,1082,29,245,12,28,364,151,297,0.131,0.773,0.096,-0.8973,0,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,1,5,0,1,14,12,1,2,11,2,19,4,0,7,1,42,48,28,0,3,8,2,0,1,2,2,1,4,0,5,16,16,3,1,4,2,0,4,11,8,1,0,4,4,45,4,32,39,5,33,0,3,0,0,41,10,0,3,19,161,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014453638525763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273286815154044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512983658098648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398798131169083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17734934951014722,0.0,0.1219973617935894,0.07162637149042643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365588945250255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386447262047293,0.07335598671999498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429767889754818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.348154634294552,0.0,0.1262391916349323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822850409090585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937456777750698,0.1281516553196285,0.23779022647956896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565490176057855,0.06103725591611332,0.0,0.1252837695100766,0.11759955681450665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054259714599444835,0.0,0.0,0.0982871564529344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224060103308795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565854212951714,0.0,0.11811663598298955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909274764529125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134491802086689,0.0,0.0,0.11923997214923925,0.0,0.0,0.10564623481607567,0.2649649867443989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550163332538459,0.21968806218782347,0.12432580459429815,0.2358326405381031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835054660212793,0.0,0.09707385498047147,0.0,0.1270100858631299,0.0,0.0,0.14232922172499632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765044592442784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540440715419433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592267156562018,0.0,0.0,0.06550776589551457,0.08815654692263418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085510152969798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142982754667064,0.0,0.07152085527090106 bpd,bihterziyagil,2020/03/09,"Do you feel like all these post talks about you as non-diagnosed BPD? I'm checking this sub once in month for a long time. Every time I read the posts, I feel like they're talking about me. This is a strange feeling because I follow other personality disorder subs and it just don't give the same vibe. I never went to doctor so I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe I just have chronic depression, I don't know.",2.6765780730897006,4.216407255813952,3.745614617940202,90.09058139534883,75.27906976744187,6.774750830564784,23.913621262458467,7.447530270364453,0.8496365448504983,328,10,72,4,7,106,63,86,0.102,0.785,0.113,-0.0377,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,6,2,0,0,2,12,15,3,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,5,1,1,2,4,2,0,0,1,3,11,2,7,14,2,10,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,7,41,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163876000258664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306549392797569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157735834080431,0.18588044078914728,0.0,0.0,0.2098911401421843,0.18744872250343264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543010210182326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777990694191574,0.26166655775235426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756819256056364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20129487226820325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17894320699173247,0.0,0.0,0.16207069196385146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18398597012442586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617839553310566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124672741136246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19503518070682271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15990837162465946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35078969893384865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18318679677641725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943975483551055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21357759156955947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697700536941305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002318195558348,0.0,0.0 bpd,omiepanther,2020/03/09,"I'm diagnosed since forever. Met a man who is very aware since his ex was bpd. He love bombed me.. is he bpd also? I met a man at new job a month and a half ago and became quickly infatuated. Within a couple weeks I was moving in with him. (I needed a place to go). He asked me to move in. Told me he wanted my baby and to spend his life with me. I've been diagnosed bpd since teenager. Well aware of my push pull pattern in love. His last girlfriend was bpd and he's very aware . I had never heard of love bombing until he told me about it. The thing is, I feel like HE love bombed ME, and at our second argument broke it off. I very much want to make it work. Thoughts?",-0.16334790209790384,1.8588290769230795,2.0061145104895104,96.59840253496506,86.90209790209789,4.9736013986013985,16.629807692307693,6.322622252153567,-0.4961744755244757,510,11,122,5,16,171,82,143,0.036000000000000004,0.8,0.165,0.9598,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,7,0,8,7,0,1,1,14,26,7,0,3,0,1,1,1,1,0,3,1,0,2,5,7,0,0,2,0,1,5,1,1,1,2,11,2,19,6,17,15,1,21,0,1,0,4,27,8,0,0,9,68,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958931711388136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984428856121335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502978574902913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5659911837747764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431041808105532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280607799931471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056806292783443915,0.08026110628661688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638496970364388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148759969390527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157824136695332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935439126173811,0.054887334013940525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4055921711432804,0.0,0.07499285652259212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967473598054132,0.2388153141387813,0.08258837007275678,0.08330427866987608,0.08664935021715185,0.10850595592064537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737926919142032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788051425519717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463871464068121,0.0,0.0,0.08919139882099568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147057814134592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780954638331351,0.1325309819175097,0.0,0.09011842130642768,0.0,0.10101393244610617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179034845931557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lumpydukeofspacenuts,2020/03/09,"Jealousy issues I am in a relationship and so far my jealousy issues havent cropped up..... until about friday afternoon. I saw a picture of a pretty girl he liked on insta and the jealousy demon wooshed up out of nowhere and won't go back down into her demon hole. I was PMSing and recently stopped taking my birth control temporarily. I got my period last night and think that MAYBE this has something to do with it? But I'm flat out terrified that my little green monster is going to ruin this otherwise so far perfect relationship. I did text my bf about this image I saw and asked him if I was enough for him. Stupid, I know, but I was in full emotional flood mode. I even cried about it. Even more stupid. But anyway how do y'all deal with jealousy? For some background info my dad and uncles and even a few aunts (I have a very large extended family) were/are serial cheaters and i have some trauma around cheating and infidelity that gets triggered fairly easily. Thanks for reading! Hope everyone is having a good day.",4.664251700680276,6.354244540816327,5.520285714285716,78.75804761904764,70.42857142857143,8.696054421768707,27.862585034013605,9.21078282632365,2.454593605442176,814,29,147,17,15,266,128,196,0.18,0.713,0.107,-0.9394,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,2,12,10,3,0,7,0,15,0,0,3,1,31,28,18,0,2,4,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,16,0,2,3,1,0,2,2,5,0,0,7,3,22,5,23,20,6,26,2,1,3,0,13,14,0,4,11,103,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443527068491373,0.15159343263685476,0.0,0.0,0.1246875122679082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18187109705549356,0.0,0.0,0.17812011970170602,0.10457683408973537,0.16717512255188574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18240302716254034,0.0,0.16754990049919116,0.0,0.3213063858915886,0.0,0.0,0.15494645723270625,0.0,0.0,0.15286570285888545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471951664027419,0.0,0.18431332935793293,0.13600827675067495,0.12969050624039252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105692480230582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384962679813636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911638063482334,0.13217831365319332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922094967746568,0.16252233521755613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290691919096167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521718812865661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649703627555978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621993061706017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16010891922597448,0.3481884821146458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248351680618814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556919581304971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192069881496895,0.0,0.0,0.14929092871231406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390264854087672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379520759295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Sgmz21,2020/03/09,"How to love my partner I love my partner. He’s very special. The only problem is I’m constantly told I’m a liar, sneaky, and that I can’t be trusted. He tells me he’s better off alone because he doesn’t have to worry about me and what I’m doing. The way he talks to me is like I’m a terrible person, and it’s hurtful. That’s not who I am. I’m not doing anything. If anything I’ve said too much because now he uses everything I’ve said against me. My friends that made me happy before I met him have turned into “ex’s” in his head. Now it’s hard for me to keep in contact with them or even hang out with them. He gets suspicious and tells me he rather not worry about me. This makes it hard to keep a normal friendship that I had with my friends prior to meeting him. For a few months I even ghosted them. Anywhere I go I’m always in a hurry back. My anxiety kicks in because I know he’s probably at home already coming up with ideas in his head of me being disloyal. I fell asleep one time and didn’t respond and he said it was a horrible couple hours. That he was worried about me all that time and that’s why he doesn’t want to be with me because it’s easier to be alone. I’ve never lied to him. He has asked me questions that he has twisted the answers into something with bad intent. It just hurts loving someone who treats me like this. I know he can’t help it, but at the same time it hurts constantly being told what a horrible sneaky person I am when I’m not doing anything. Any advice? I have an open heart and I am not judge mental. I accept people for who they are. The good and the bad. I make mistakes sometimes too. I’m not perfect.",1.7034188034187991,3.2465740284900297,3.462458689458689,91.07744871794874,77.94586894586894,5.933561253561254,23.66581196581196,6.588339656340683,0.6124365811965808,1288,42,282,11,30,431,161,351,0.158,0.741,0.10099999999999999,-0.9606,0,2,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,4,2,14,24,1,0,14,0,27,7,4,6,3,53,58,14,1,6,11,1,2,2,4,0,0,3,1,4,23,20,0,2,6,0,0,4,12,9,0,1,11,5,42,15,35,42,4,31,0,3,0,3,52,13,0,3,15,176,65,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762473869369641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18574268911318528,0.0989533599250954,0.0,0.07461283831473385,0.0,0.0,0.06097885062907574,0.0,0.06859750222971432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22137294676026925,0.0,0.08382958699912191,0.0,0.0,0.06895089368683854,0.1497418404521558,0.21864862890008468,0.0,0.0763027853629028,0.0,0.0,0.07930605656930083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724298765529658,0.0,0.19380338675239195,0.0,0.0,0.09921843535246262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845271993189695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805898462688874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855803839014366,0.0,0.04684900900510919,0.0,0.05096167429469596,0.07521115836055993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954556574673539,0.16065387696663153,0.0,0.18405510995569707,0.0,0.0,0.10625968793707598,0.06010408403059046,0.0,0.08994658043069045,0.0,0.08830714181566532,0.0,0.2879815986312248,0.10122680702043604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940609151225887,0.0,0.0,0.09856085786209144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761671765885751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427927274715925,0.08484816662433414,0.1197111875519829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036652978680698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071573944742371,0.0,0.06591795750848553,0.0,0.06915923126610071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785781442318871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06076288776928556,0.06819827220184882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216606662883593,0.15659322176530308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667970486716282,0.08580232704587963,0.0,0.0,0.1004512113989948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255890850033042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597731894247743,0.06903254580072958,0.08868617840983352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207355704450091,0.15675151641818386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568623463281855,0.0,0.0,0.17136754925143133,0.0,0.0,0.09753549166493017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744631255150622,0.0,0.0739873542005407,0.05288984167443962,0.07117607730265586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809134608800864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27319350027753136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ggemiinii,2020/03/09,"Why do I feel so intensely jealous? I just hate every person who gets to live the life I want to live. Everyone always says some shit like “life is what you make it!” and “you can do anything!” literally no I cannot. I can BARELY keep a job and have one friend. I can’t have this picture perfect life like all these other people! I can BARELY function as a normal person and I just wish I knew where to start making any progress on becoming a version of myself where I don’t have to HATE people bc i’m jealous. I’ve felt this way for as long as i can remember, and yes i’m in therapy and on meds. I just can’t calm down the rage that boils inside me, especially when I see people who wronged me succeed meanwhile I’m a couch potato level failure.",2.277602977667492,3.871443380645165,4.057419354838712,87.20920595533501,76.48387096774194,6.575682382133995,24.18114143920595,7.321109707123232,1.0084739454094305,584,19,122,7,13,197,95,155,0.188,0.653,0.158,-0.8448,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,3,7,13,6,0,6,1,14,5,1,2,2,21,30,10,0,3,3,0,2,2,1,0,3,1,1,2,9,5,1,1,4,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,2,4,18,6,13,28,3,11,0,0,1,0,8,7,1,1,5,76,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648515870392235,0.0,0.0,0.10337255321753852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509193205962588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788398010699054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280756508915149,0.14525282882509816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686122532464551,0.0,0.14595420159868114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744316307573513,0.0,0.07941936633125737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30015837818188434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508472583071743,0.13511417899859285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221091598348145,0.14852959207167615,0.0,0.2684566337615901,0.13452477000301738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20293677198388432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884972477489613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489383040733668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300644870775576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161554357594058,0.26545992558805553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219859791031636,0.0,0.0,0.12088508538655095,0.0,0.0,0.1211329226468878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603689653105987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759402303929884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738375918626032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965990530741927,0.12065909348701592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716609864820484,0.0,0.17480491219595298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619994119012113,0.0,0.0 bpd,UltimateClapInUrMum,2020/03/09,"Real life is blocked by an emotional wall My disorder has been stagnant for over a year. I experience so much jealousy which leads to intense anger and insecurity which leads to suicidal thoughts and behavior. I have a boyfriend who treats me so well and tries his best to help me, but i’m constantly jealous of him. I’m so insecure about my intelligence and maturity. Aside from this, I absolutely no motivation to help myself. I indulge in doing things that I know will do damage and not help. When someone brings up the most simple thing I could do to take care of myself, I cringe at the thought and immediately get angry. I could never do it. I guess i’m just at my wits end. I’m in therapy but haven’t seen much improvement. I’ve tried so many meds but haven’t noticed any change. I keep having thoughts that the only way I can recover is if I check myself in somewhere. Everyone keeps telling me to find an outlet that I can immerse myself in but i cannot find anything that makes me happy, let alone find the motivation to do it. TL;DR: I have no motivation to take care of myself and no treatment has worked",4.189058283864,5.8698555366972505,5.324937938478144,79.72553966540745,71.61467889908258,8.615650296815975,29.337290879654606,9.168548406835145,2.5173968699406366,889,36,172,19,17,294,126,218,0.165,0.645,0.19,0.7987,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,7,8,11,2,2,8,0,22,1,0,6,1,36,41,17,1,3,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,7,0,3,10,0,1,3,8,5,1,0,5,1,29,6,23,32,4,18,0,1,1,0,7,9,0,3,5,122,41,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020092742324105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548926413217678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345122460257944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192821239277705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563459032521929,0.0,0.1329878612233332,0.0,0.0,0.13585127260406,0.0,0.2007434682099635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407818012744272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141039182259488,0.11134455190559173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012431794388415,0.0,0.12297159933691805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446986701816988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567994089509477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848722596635674,0.0,0.0,0.13382400340366826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25278865682638946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22347927717534927,0.0,0.0,0.06908866864447474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855023010997182,0.08879492730390777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839145148410543,0.12745341940509403,0.0,0.0,0.13963898801599292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18482728429156484,0.0,0.09695774400291607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312527332170558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561052800234313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308910563188662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651635805072143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375098001170478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890413120758782,0.0,0.10987884858396912,0.0,0.1437639619442255,0.0,0.16703648368283733,0.0,0.0,0.2994066357962011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17070197609699245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978526012947922,0.0,0.0,0.11303123425960468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152068247429132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095515758067136 bpd,carcrashtrash,2020/03/09,"Do you ever feel angry at your condition? Do any fellow BPD sufferers feel legitimate rage at being gifted this condition and not being able to do anything about it? I just feel life is so unfair sometimes, I never asked to live like this, in a constant state of unrest and agitation but low energy. I want someone or something to be angry at but its just directionless like the rest of my life. I was a gifted kid but once the resultant depression set in, I've lost my motivation, joy, any willpower I used to have. I've given up trying to solve the depression: tried for a solid 4 years and nothing ever changes. Guess I'm just looking for solidarity, and if anyone has advice on how to change my viewpoint I'd highly appreciate it. Think I just need some reassurance that BPD isn't a death sentence and you can actually make something of your life. If you have any inspiring stories I'm all ears! ❤️",5.213038095238094,6.328141765714289,6.68492857142857,73.10948809523809,68.48571428571428,9.49047619047619,30.583333333333336,9.725611199111238,2.997219047619049,719,28,129,16,12,246,111,175,0.157,0.648,0.195,0.8394,1,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,5,0,2,9,11,1,0,7,0,13,4,1,5,4,34,28,13,1,4,11,0,3,2,1,0,3,1,0,1,6,5,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,5,14,5,19,22,3,16,0,5,1,0,9,9,0,5,7,83,20,1,0.1392579924946649,0.0,0.13589571246787152,0.0,0.0,0.13608129855434864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841006307692386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737242626187208,0.0,0.11459746227316378,0.0,0.13018742453534873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35078113317979664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29463298221700657,0.0,0.0,0.15048841757854725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398854097578391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25193365376391225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112390757194101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340837881776964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713371486495072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950861153412825,0.13606884187997906,0.0,0.12296735869748295,0.0,0.1169416406738864,0.0,0.15201654914550114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929557913462224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325803690317822,0.1074043487948059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362179960745796,0.0,0.0,0.14830521711760716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799284513146305,0.21441521230468724,0.13772971539487144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923089859929502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18909407153834548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027419353677432,0.0,0.0,0.08213797202352642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967758141393425 bpd,rain_blueee,2020/03/09,"Help! So I have bpd, but I also hear voices when I'm depressed... I don't understand what is wrong with me Please help..",-0.11893333333333088,2.051380040000001,1.8200000000000005,96.85666666666668,88.6,4.933333333333334,16.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.4168666666666661,91,2,21,1,3,30,21,25,0.158,0.648,0.19399999999999998,-0.1635,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,6,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591964903784628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4082143972892081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791617584306583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653037569892028,0.0,0.4344979926548877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557834684648524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374175433847345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35437139041262283,0.0,0.0 bpd,LastW0rds,2020/03/09,"I just want stability Going to bed now, wonder who the hell I will be tomorrow. Will I be full of rage? Fearless and scary me. Depressed and stay in bed all day? Sad and empty me. Toy with suicidal thoughts? Dangerous me. or full of life and go somewhere nice? Upbeat positive me. Find out tomorrow on lIviNg wItH bPd",0.1833060109289626,2.1873244754098384,2.2547950819672127,87.95082650273226,107.52459016393442,5.967759562841531,21.476775956284147,7.1686216300943375,1.484933333333334,247,10,47,6,12,82,46,61,0.332,0.5429999999999999,0.125,-0.9615,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,14,9,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,7,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,2,8,4,3,12,1,2,0,0,1,5,1,2,4,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861734803021152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19774265166305605,0.0,0.26408884286373924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28024245750373805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485151066326001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21657271229154326,0.0,0.0,0.2707485003044662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268130120026848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33538932101480984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434197131199403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808506987462453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325131452991965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,marychristinax,2020/03/09,"I have finally found something that works for me. Not sure if this is even allowed in this sub, but I am so happy about this and want to possibly help someone else. I’ve been diagnosed with BPD since I was young. Going on around 15 years of dealing with it now- the depression, anxiety, hopelessness, mood swings, disordered eating, literally everything. I hate medication. I’ve been on and off of several different things. I’ve developed a dependency on anxiety meds and had to get off of them. I’ve tried so many things. A couple of weeks ago, I discovered Kratom. My life has already changed in so many ways, in a short amount of time, for the better. It has saved my life. I went from my life being a mess, sleeping all day and avoiding all social contact and being afraid of taking any steps towards bettering myself and my life, to the happy, outgoing and well rounded girl I have always wanted to be and never really thought I could be. I’ve felt SO much relief from the moment I took my first dose up until now, and it’s only getting better. It kick starts my mood and my motivation for the day to where I love cleaning my apartment, and socializing at work, and playing music. Things I had so much trouble with before and never thought I’d see ANY progress. It’s literally a miracle for me. I ordered it online. I use the powder. I’m so happy. I finally called a therapist, something I’ve been afraid of doing for years now. It helps me open up to myself and to others. I feel the effects from it even on days I don’t take it(I alternate days to keep from developing a tolerance to it). If you’re anything like me and have struggled with your identity and being a normal functioning human being for so now, Kratom is definitely worth looking into. Just do a lot of research beforehand so you’re prepared for what to expect and what dosage you want to start with, etc. There is hope for everyone. Life gets better. hugs ❤️",4.2829915873162605,5.969977117962467,5.402078210224649,79.24112600536193,71.38605898123325,8.683701580844966,28.67976333549043,9.223106411051027,2.5667979846537863,1527,59,282,33,29,505,200,373,0.081,0.69,0.22899999999999998,0.9968,2,1,2,0,0,1,47.0,0,2,1,10,20,27,1,4,16,0,25,12,1,5,5,56,51,29,0,9,5,0,3,1,0,0,8,0,1,2,19,25,1,2,7,1,1,4,4,9,1,1,12,5,33,16,53,32,7,48,0,2,3,2,13,19,0,5,24,194,52,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556246105732832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406737784228622,0.0,0.0709287088275766,0.0,0.0,0.11593584264052607,0.0,0.13042077936846544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070147433237644,0.07588402604986345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253521200881169,0.0,0.0,0.3015607673810457,0.0,0.0,0.10736012662348968,0.0,0.08704227068160098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017541505592028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805931533555001,0.0943193647419906,0.0,0.2198978148867363,0.0878814234351313,0.07341936475679482,0.0865194897723326,0.0,0.0890604204773493,0.09769545561511928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722450612101149,0.07120929134004735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506808143625052,0.11260392543229268,0.0,0.0,0.08145299976445163,0.07661059235346508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043101242288384634,0.0,0.08184630650294025,0.1867583007330327,0.0,0.07250734982223415,0.0,0.09346415981441876,0.0,0.0,0.13360729039285404,0.0,0.048445359257972345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27222714029000483,0.0,0.08415946355436042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142726954728945,0.0,0.0,0.08466517978067355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075767579049344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30104700349467955,0.04164525030557579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715823524286977,0.0,0.0,0.07247024800486722,0.07693481471041115,0.0,0.0,0.17284532421872076,0.0,0.0,0.09468536140441007,0.08587299630150189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532630362902752,0.0,0.1314887648830703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351969283306364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483087228426128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609827367375064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546086207967935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792735122360273,0.0,0.0,0.09629992487346993,0.0,0.07051359636153101,0.0,0.08530420566753287,0.17378828231315938,0.07222581601894024,0.13124790455155227,0.0,0.0,0.12067036496520345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891141201406444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034018358807811,0.0,0.1281837200955536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897328028172682,0.16989427576723665,0.0,0.0,0.1353462759937075,0.0497056714814957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947077144666712,0.05787416010684476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362227569421571,0.0,0.0,0.15083496077063838,0.067661643445244,0.06837650762006971,0.0,0.0766433745898492,0.07902078541388564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411532078797435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097869364707646 bpd,daydreammmmmm,2020/03/09,"So deeply exhausted I am so exhausted. I’ve been fighting suicidal thoughts for weeks on end, all day every day. I hate myself and wish I could die without hurting my family. I am sick of being here. My life goal is to be a mother and that chance seems to be slipping away each and every day. I am already 33 and am nowhere close to being able to do that. I feel hopeless and full of despair, nonstop every single day. I got to hold an acquaintence’s 2 month old baby today and it was the sweetest thing in the world but it also destroyed every last shred of hope I had inside. I will never be a mother. I will never be able to live out my one dream in life. It kills me inside and it makes me want to leave this earth. I am so tired, so insanely exhausted and am done trying.",1.3502500000000026,3.436905525,3.207500000000003,89.87750000000004,81.25,5.75,21.25,6.9077264865688965,0.5479999999999999,604,18,125,7,16,202,98,160,0.221,0.706,0.073,-0.9775,0,0,0,0,2,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,6,11,4,0,5,0,21,7,0,1,3,25,30,14,3,4,2,2,1,0,0,2,7,0,0,0,8,11,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,10,0,1,6,1,17,1,17,15,4,20,0,3,0,0,3,8,0,2,12,90,25,1,0.27467477440714283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155522188961554,0.1098286589280647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903299614808755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965272843714577,0.0,0.0,0.35428501243094657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253452514019968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405438296316329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164016116618585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4628506881277952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294694659410746,0.0,0.06944190949689442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984125455578103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559223681643245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640701380554515,0.0,0.0,0.14702251348082726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194347071398104,0.0,0.0,0.11194830074780296,0.0,0.1454204630953212,0.0,0.0,0.19401091626189693,0.0,0.0,0.12127142903832736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091673772400673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096213921907883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21184611918550825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411248523495915,0.0,0.09306336788865738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502679927859933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022481084076894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124085753670773,0.0,0.0,0.1090305447046197,0.0,0.1578491234446956,0.13017978462979896,0.0,0.0,0.09324307084836264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100514926167228,0.0,0.11016376795121252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793121747737274,0.1323883403681516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,criminal_baker,2020/03/09,"Does anyone else feel like they don’t perceive things properly and feel self conscious and confused? TW: negative thoughts First of all, to be open, I don’t even know if I am borderline. Once I asked my psychiatrist and she said “you’re bipolar or borderline” and that was all she said. But I feel like I don’t know how to behave because my reactions are so severe. I’m having a hard time explaining this but I’ll try. I feel like the way I perceive things is wrong... not that I see things that aren’t there but more I react so strongly to some things that other people don’t give a second thought to. It also messes with my head that I feel like I take everything so seriously. I feel like I am constantly being weird or like perverted because I take things seriously and others don’t. It makes me want to hide in my apartment and never leave. I feel like I am going crazy and that my mind is all messed up but I am too afraid to be honest with my therapist because I feel like I am actually going crazy and I don’t want to be sent to a mental hospital and have to leave school early because I am almost done. It’s like all day I am pretending to be a normal person and if I mess up and let my real reactions show I get so hard on myself that the only way I calm myself down is by thinking about dying. It’s so messed up.",2.709024552090245,4.184176226277373,4.340265428002656,86.12794293297947,75.05839416058393,7.463570006635702,23.76841406768414,8.150884317080207,1.2617430656934308,1042,31,219,17,22,350,133,274,0.138,0.705,0.157,0.6698,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,2,11,22,0,2,6,0,28,2,1,3,5,56,57,26,1,5,9,0,10,9,0,0,1,2,0,2,19,14,0,0,17,2,0,3,10,10,0,2,7,13,38,12,21,44,6,19,0,0,1,0,11,8,0,7,15,152,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.08503548236652678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872575197629586,0.0,0.0,0.06968534503884166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060929893121793186,0.08928461083283493,0.0,0.0,0.0814635741067731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21247747270820924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941667323197743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05619770279975651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043693751052603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762562743471011,0.0891738582310767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279378548387082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057554750498902026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831527207509359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524823826987886,0.4357668230273707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412072736069142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045526738870329514,0.08359205071861324,0.09904665593914196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611956923930306,0.0,0.08943016198900786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957790684160202,0.0,0.0,0.1845360809357224,0.0,0.08910593825419444,0.0,0.3831471742108419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05816622476413321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781601770430503,0.0,0.08798595125525092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720727565402974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537810852148803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280061486891833,0.0,0.06627343877439584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604114866484767,0.07608676114573809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918371208184833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577904429796947,0.0,0.0,0.0881897228515591,0.06943881817115695,0.0,0.09090539643336994,0.09844271641290547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310359652169805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011755572606188,0.2894577199221616,0.055835407656320266,0.0,0.13835789677611712,0.05081168368713819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059161931211462224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279414920143504,0.1383343961371312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527325226024592,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lailled,2020/03/09,"I constantly argue with myself over whether or not I need therapy because my mental state goes through 100 different cycles a day It's so hard to know who I am or what is wrong and what is right. It's hard to wait for 3 months for therapy when my emotions change every 30 minutes. I went to therapy before and I found it extremely difficult to explain all the erraticicity of an entire week in one hour sessions. It's hard to even recall what I was like yesterday even if I was very intense.",7.258061224489797,6.2690433775510215,8.068285714285718,72.12671428571429,64.20408163265307,11.513469387755105,36.94693877551021,10.793553405168565,3.9265077551020418,393,17,75,9,5,133,70,98,0.145,0.813,0.043,-0.8316,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,1,14,11,8,0,2,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,4,3,10,1,12,7,1,12,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,8,51,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001008564471172,0.0,0.13973056593220048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17371234508012626,0.0,0.0,0.17745261055473108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059018277827782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715644389920303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471408259547595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21691823586219255,0.0,0.13835395837639047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18004772556065374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4412995614966799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617137152080575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024548961307588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022468305296103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16548499885534482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107080897880174,0.0,0.0,0.12175959123008158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127290642531336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023439316376224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5633651388392972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549039953257114,0.0,0.0,0.1317193104096682,0.0,0.0,0.15222426130012362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953779337068318,0.0,0.0 bpd,nasurak,2020/03/09,"Beyond all help In and out of therapy for decades with no results. Never had a friend or relationship Shit relations with family Toxic individual with terrible view on life and other people Quit job because of splitting and raging at home Can't even make a single friend online because of bpd issues and constantly fearing rejection Haven't had a real conversation in years Last time I made a post on this forum, it was instantly downvoted. I deleted the post, someone took it upon themselves to chase me down through private messages and tell me what a shit person I am and how my views bring others down. Can't really go anywhere for help. Bye.",7.809831932773108,8.349876369747902,8.095462184873949,67.30100840336137,62.613445378151255,10.833613445378154,36.32773109243698,10.608840637214634,4.172189915966387,524,23,82,12,7,172,89,119,0.217,0.742,0.040999999999999995,-0.9718,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,3,1,6,0,7,3,2,4,2,18,12,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,6,10,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,6,0,0,5,2,6,2,20,7,2,20,0,1,2,0,10,10,2,1,6,58,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048708153779708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116400499257841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815911586855571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098860046945737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841282182743985,0.18909131802953688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25965402522723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550080252780303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252668633658809,0.0,0.1685574646957107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753897309407761,0.16675341836923846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369747383395993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186913705365947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590031747932587,0.11216776765084223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960253326696453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649753143351126,0.14672573611417974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218710582467296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873084649038712,0.0,0.1912659041678924,0.10765049926164036,0.0,0.0,0.18041169126900736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34498056087034495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237944559982071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687405606829426,0.0,0.19216797845365227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979852681324682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18669822818276852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821202175625873 bpd,borderlinebacon,2020/03/09,"No impulse control once again ruins everything Lost my part time job on Saturday due to low attendance even though they were informed of my mental health and was told my job would be safe if I called in sick when too depressed to move; when I was there I did more work than anyone else. In response got black out drunk in town with a friend, spent the only £60 I had left and dyed my hair bright blue. Now I'm burning my arm and about to rail some ket. I hate the fact that I can't control myself but I also don't want to.",5.334939393939393,4.554605827272726,5.398181818181818,89.01393939393942,68.0,8.424242424242424,27.424242424242426,7.1686216300943375,1.102787878787879,411,10,94,3,6,129,86,110,0.152,0.7929999999999999,0.055,-0.7531,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,4,10,8,1,0,3,0,9,5,2,2,1,15,16,9,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,1,3,1,1,1,2,3,5,0,0,9,4,14,3,13,5,3,17,0,4,3,0,5,8,0,2,7,58,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794014644504122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935255334237816,0.18954886991713565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18890021066415197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4149744374319516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933561200533314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453928338548376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218721472455105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662612535421146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292639964977416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795711286370744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18264390703861974,0.0,0.1966406511470037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671572693078874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009972172037741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20194350225375224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864310855051937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19662002511677906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970132535936404,0.0,0.14069675958748135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033116708216706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817562941301025,0.0,0.10787186203360853,0.0,0.0,0.17677030590131926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911463147723044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467830089853725,0.0,0.0,0.1314148842106847,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Koi-Nami,2020/03/09,"How to get more Klonopin/similar prescribed? (reason explained<3) Hi guys, the title might be a little off-putting. I didn't really know how what to write. I'm 22/f and was put on Klonopin in around March of 2018 because of a meltdown I had. The treatment center just handed me a prescription. However, in november that year, I overdosed on it due to a traumatic event in a hotel away from home and spent three months in psych hospitals, residentials, etc and was taken off it and replaced with other medications. I am currently on: Topiramate Gabapentin Buspar Vistaril Seroquel I have been going to DBT therapy two times a week for around 8 months. I am tired of being on all these medications and still suffering from extreme anxiety and mood swings. Klonopin helped me really, really well. But my current psychiatrist would not provide me it with my history of overdosing on it, even though it was not due to addiction and was a one time thing over a year ago. Any tips or suggestions as to how to get more? Due to it being a huge help to me.",4.3762364945978405,6.652318316326532,5.161572629051619,78.59183073229293,72.46938775510203,9.305642256902761,29.896758703481396,9.773937934552695,3.2030747899159664,834,36,150,23,17,270,125,196,0.063,0.8959999999999999,0.040999999999999995,-0.6235,3,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,11,0,15,5,1,4,1,25,22,14,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,11,11,0,0,2,1,1,2,3,1,1,3,9,1,12,1,33,8,4,35,0,1,0,0,6,17,0,2,16,108,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16582333445038613,0.0,0.0,0.1348371358477294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034406287526914,0.0,0.11636442288274973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708219024627902,0.0,0.0,0.14291319862945648,0.0,0.0,0.09272539337825107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964386326270287,0.10046781548699384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894333520344506,0.0,0.0864481304083432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506137067846673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20391346109644146,0.0,0.1525796360200463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359617311971884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245508372182254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30647145966228995,0.0,0.16136562802415447,0.0,0.0,0.24282693983513884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307428314641204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058269375398551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923384145170165,0.15639534021385734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147596199025637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739520718355495,0.0,0.1010557236173944,0.0,0.14944818787651612,0.0,0.17739417917762607,0.17482910422731998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485902476521379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201418955591953,0.0,0.13676596774103675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805521976163733,0.0,0.0,0.1959088661231322 bpd,ld_locket,2020/03/09,"Ghosted and losing it Long time lurker, first time poster. This is a throwaway account. Little background info: I've been married for 8 years, and almost called off my wedding for ""the one that got away"". We recently reconnected online and were talking about making a trip to see each other. He says work's crazy and sometimes takes so long to text back (married as well). I'm not looking for sympathy for possibly stepping out on our marriages... I know it's wrong, but I can't help it. 4 days ago after him not opening my texts for 8 hours I texted that I didn't feel I was important to him (he said in previous occasions that I was and that I'm his ""one"" as well) and that I gave up on us. He didn't read the text that day, or the next and by day 3 I got mad and deleted it so now I don't even know if he read it... I'm just hurt by being ghosted when we have 18 years of history and our timing just always sucked... I guess I just wanted to vent because I obviously can't tell anyone and see if anyone has any tips on how to stop obsessing over it and feeling so hurt...",3.0903643497757827,3.9873560941704045,4.503024103139016,87.60233884529151,73.26008968609865,7.368721973094171,26.04512331838565,7.645422480735847,1.2392961883408071,831,27,181,10,16,277,134,223,0.126,0.866,0.008,-0.9717,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,5,0,0,3,14,9,2,1,5,0,13,0,0,2,1,37,32,22,2,3,9,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,14,16,0,1,5,2,1,2,7,7,2,3,10,7,22,2,26,21,1,33,0,3,3,0,21,11,1,5,20,114,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477010153418453,0.0,0.1296486189844445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773200078347743,0.0,0.0,0.08804615575721747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810612201577536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164425040739993,0.09955683097536183,0.0,0.07892560714755263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220652297592764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504983379499958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855157691674906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093099098332342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012976264442864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071029499913604,0.0,0.14262922943127154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678309757578427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275049346218648,0.0,0.2772072877368764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231007231797355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976607169938506,0.0,0.229159259091996,0.10872480516568148,0.14484729401844673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642430741436162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376961231005924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17546866251499665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596147971449056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590162978639153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783907802073285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315857824162404,0.10296221506951224,0.0,0.0,0.2063466141201077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805221805970493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824531877759908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734766684766012,0.10406558280537748,0.11316520635725727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22649043782843345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557402117342437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636659579513078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23282375297241398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425796731247543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155852258066373,0.0,0.16675287794447372 bpd,throwaway1995ab01,2020/03/10,"Do other people really not feel multiple emotions throughout the day? I feel confused about something with BPD. Psych & Buddhist literature are always saying how emotions are fleeting, always changing, how they aren't permanent and we just need to learn to be present to them and watch them arise and fall. But then something about my cycling through different emotions is part of my having BPD? I guess I'm just confused and want some clarity on what makes BPD emotions different in this regard. What happens to other people when they hear good news/bad news or have a good thought/bad thought? Don't other people change between highs and lows instantly, too? I understand that the intensity is higher with BPD. But could someone help me understand the difference between the highs and lows of BPD and a ""normal"" person's day? Making me feel crazy!! Thanks!!",5.982995951417003,8.59223321052632,5.2726315789473714,78.0857287449393,68.86842105263158,7.8348178137651825,32.744939271255056,8.617729084823388,3.0146906882591087,696,32,108,12,13,210,94,152,0.067,0.8220000000000001,0.111,0.8372,2,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,4,0,8,7,0,2,6,0,11,0,0,4,0,36,26,14,0,4,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,7,10,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,6,12,3,15,23,2,12,0,2,1,0,9,6,0,5,5,71,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302582015714425,0.09963188072093816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15355512847784578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5790628259098851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19454981029596966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734176098839898,0.0,0.0,0.11860516013201346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882163818930498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4137424972458704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948378012220744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425293358423012,0.0,0.0,0.10129745411471658,0.0,0.08131442275495485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363859150602184,0.0,0.06163467950902754,0.19430843145750973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275972252827738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818256170740414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009517941544208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995769814191974,0.0,0.19124751611163585,0.08029049267166508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589079451974378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312533551602259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791213822660363,0.14158102247942814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465868497695796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600205778100822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914542529429802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05423672107253424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,foxcloves,2020/03/10,"I hate my brain My brain has convinced me my significant other is cheating on me. As of late we’ve been fighting on nearly everything, we haven’t had sex in quite sometime primarily because I can’t let go of the things he’s said to me and how I’m still hurt. I’ve explained that I can’t just accept his apologies and pretend things are okay when I’m literally internalizing all my emotions. I think I’m a pretty good partner but at the end of the day his opinion is more valuable then anything to me. Our last big fight ended up with me sitting on the floor shaking and screaming for him to get away from me bc of a panic attack/being hysteric, he decided to sit there and scream at me to stop crying and to take a Xanax; he only left once I was completely non-verbal. This happened nearly a week ago and I’m still playing it over and over in my head. I don’t want him to touch me primarily because of the words said to me really affected my view of myself and now I can’t even look at myself without feeling disgusted. I am so paranoid that he’s talking to someone else because he downloaded Snapchat again (he claimed he deleted it a long time ago) Anytime we have a conversation he feels the need to correct me to what he believes. I feel like he resents me, I know I’m not perfect but I’m trying my best.. I don’t know what I’ll do if he cheats on me. I feel like a piece of crap for thinking like this. I’m sorry this is all over the place 🙃 just needed to vent somewhere",2.8632575757575762,4.21040086688312,4.471493506493509,85.86176406926408,74.42207792207795,6.951515151515152,28.417748917748927,7.492282038375204,1.5810580086580093,1169,48,244,14,24,393,170,308,0.17300000000000001,0.728,0.1,-0.9738,0,0,0,0,3,0,20.0,3,0,0,3,11,24,8,2,14,1,18,6,4,2,4,41,45,16,0,4,7,0,5,3,1,0,1,4,0,1,12,11,0,1,11,2,0,2,8,13,0,0,5,11,40,11,41,39,5,41,0,1,2,1,27,20,1,2,20,154,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20853793064469506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679674512134263,0.0,0.0,0.13381734335839982,0.11051414922390974,0.0,0.0,0.21511241912412749,0.0,0.0,0.13252500174615278,0.12344195632633999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26262057964237523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332934868301205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292073979035161,0.07585948536499333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826200768833007,0.13231419644712086,0.20836467142578305,0.0,0.0,0.07769132074160544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571528621027143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379023591678963,0.16806506462059104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061455091738457986,0.0,0.06684995980564727,0.09865968853897916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401689532017938,0.0,0.0,0.11613200607957072,0.12071892135462015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592180666290176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928910750439535,0.09588145345402174,0.13268803210129318,0.0,0.12780174509380055,0.12028126208314245,0.0,0.1723993805598037,0.0,0.0,0.10409592097660228,0.0987767962906506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17443740343956565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526858812352726,0.0,0.08946039977306411,0.0,0.13800957904531225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289485763706225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119668633383732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511046596109224,0.0,0.0,0.07535467093696341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237798407802335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966471446904727,0.0,0.11633580615366253,0.13167345152159168,0.0,0.0,0.187873656446762,0.09834118153643163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884406336063649,0.0945438794575942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629189503678215,0.15074086942825765,0.0,0.0,0.06858907006874719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986080268960932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937927057925032,0.0,0.0943530372375137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338793362715005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Worddroppings,2020/03/10,"DAE - How much do you dissociate? It's driving me nuts. I just told my psychiatrist that I think one of the top reasons (there's a list) I cannot work is because of how terrible my memory is. Even when I'm not dissociating my memory is terrible. I also feel like I dissociate a \*lot\*... but I don't black out and that seems to make it less important to medical professionals. The dissociation I do the most seems to be feeling like I'm not in control/not in the driver's seat. I have a general idea of what happened but it's not linear, not very coherent and time is messed up. (I told my doc I think 15 minutes have passed but really it's 45 minutes.) Apparently I bring up dissociation way more than I thought. LOL! I've also recently realized that when I'm dissociating I have no focus and cannot plan my day. I'm literally unable to recognize X happens at 6 pm so to do Y beforehand I need to start at 5 pm. I'd consider using timers and alarms but I feel like that would stress me out more. My psychiatrist also seemed to suggest that diagnoses are splitting hairs and only really helpful for treatment with meds... and there's no meds for dissociation so therapy therapy therapy. Just came from an appointment with my psychiatrist where I went on and on about dissociation, memory problems, feeling like I have parts, and wondering if something needs to be different because of my dissociation.",2.859428571428573,5.434269614814816,5.3899735449735475,73.5941666666667,78.77777777777777,9.486772486772486,28.531746031746028,9.784248007369934,3.415619047619048,1116,51,206,38,28,394,141,270,0.092,0.8029999999999999,0.105,0.5326,3,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,0,3,16,10,0,2,8,1,18,3,1,5,0,49,45,22,0,5,11,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,10,13,0,0,14,0,0,5,9,6,0,1,5,6,28,4,29,37,7,24,0,0,1,0,5,12,0,7,10,135,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627140636748513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335068376845045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252448988237685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228195133850222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062186395856204,0.0,0.0,0.11114558168052853,0.0,0.11440973894685245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232722259814597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22147669422931915,0.3129224532097737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19367036291768927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339909910447877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361816273152745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21399504697146748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309749618529184,0.0,0.0,0.07309564283993397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24327142006076805,0.11031507640296363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049900059150136,0.1623935954181765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420363013904661,0.08328372057962043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858357642051165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478178992013416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030380759762506,0.11258969382513137,0.10812327998404203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29906855667111776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430253538317575,0.0,0.0,0.07750842001583394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254379593513543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756865865970942,0.0,0.0,0.1403331583721813,0.0,0.08693498200924725,0.06385342521285597,0.0,0.0,0.20927402744205648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945774261754206,0.0,0.09035334671566927,0.0,0.08692021575683195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151251680736484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187538344118436,0.07972116780129325,0.0,0.0,0.07778942833292983,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,quietqueery,2020/03/10,"I’m nervous about beginning a new relationship and paranoid about all my mistakes I’ve just started a new relationship (my first in two years) and I’m being really honest about being borderline but I’m scared that I’m going to end up in the intense, unstable, short and heartbreaking relationships I’ve had before. How can I prevent ending up in the spirals that have happened before? I really like him and I don’t want to mess it up but part of me is paranoid I just like him because I fall hard and fast",3.2952555555555563,5.467334370000002,5.027333333333335,78.80922222222225,75.3,8.044444444444443,28.11111111111111,8.841846274778883,2.5093777777777766,407,17,74,9,9,138,61,100,0.215,0.6579999999999999,0.127,-0.8599,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,0,2,4,0,7,0,0,1,1,14,16,8,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,2,1,1,10,3,12,13,2,18,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,11,50,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105315485670816,0.0,0.3100377105141345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32270876154057265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495930949786155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353515109014803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109815180461962,0.0,0.16319443635988845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780045539394061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35189456056506124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972794877639116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334139695368318,0.0,0.0,0.5867684214023595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18239054179604988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894552398968587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17796005151896094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745246942302768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731574736288627 bpd,thatkevn,2020/03/10,"How did you first realise something is not right? Hello everyone! Last year I got told by the doctors that I have BPD. I been through alot of emotional heavy stuff in my life and I just wounder how did you guys change your life after this diagnosis. Take care you all!!",1.486593406593407,4.187993153846159,1.8302197802197813,95.17192307692308,88.61538461538461,5.279120879120879,22.813186813186807,6.868970318607317,0.7118648351648353,212,8,44,3,7,64,44,52,0.0,0.89,0.11,0.6884,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,4,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,2,1,7,9,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,9,1,5,4,2,6,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,4,31,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100584315485276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509996204312862,0.0,0.260428602646215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25197837547583063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769223476732675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352380734465601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094028376146077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968947556282644,0.0,0.0,0.2437595297793396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20067171854400506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477721744993613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21023863927306316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18952343253096285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818202372992009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850987161288752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352380734465601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853355615917886 bpd,lostthrowawayyyyyy,2020/03/10,Bordeline Personality Disorder Casually Explained People with BPD are just human algorithms. You like this genre? You watch these movies?!? Got it just gimme a second to adjust and please u because i seek validation,5.754571428571433,9.539692457142863,6.357142857142858,61.95285714285717,81.57142857142857,9.657142857142855,29.857142857142854,9.3871,4.428257142857143,176,8,23,6,5,57,33,35,0.071,0.736,0.193,0.5621,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23732424272038785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4903315729502642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4461914113593572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113726491832382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19020079176930374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699036304926574,0.33993689288194673,0.0,0.4273535399058395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rosettie,2020/03/10,just me being a piece of shit- a rant Why can't I just feel okay and secure in a healthy relationship. I know its stupid but I keep telling myself over and over and over that no one would care if I was even alive except my parents. I have no idea what even triggers me anymore but right now I just feel like I am such a burden and my bf doesn't even care. and like he doesn't understand mental health and i get that and that's okay but I just don't understand what to do. how can I stop my brain from convincing me that he hates me or he doesn't really want me around. why am i never good enough.,0.2645847176079741,2.3197258294573686,1.7245016611295692,99.11040697674419,85.27906976744184,5.236101882613512,16.191029900332225,6.5431188927421005,-0.5692551495016613,468,9,114,5,14,150,74,129,0.21100000000000002,0.611,0.17800000000000002,-0.2021,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,11,13,3,0,4,2,13,3,2,2,1,31,24,13,0,3,10,1,2,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,7,8,0,3,6,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,1,2,20,9,9,21,2,9,0,0,0,0,7,6,1,2,5,81,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16378189804440013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470162474621759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843591763425242,0.0,0.0,0.3367576719566185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706414668052984,0.0,0.3272350077146993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670070298598174,0.11798137422283632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628272856898571,0.0,0.0,0.13851784914971155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304892036252325,0.0,0.1755440210886589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18643137388662512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679064529086586,0.0,0.0,0.09076072180645046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16136540832785198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16642979065930524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737189763655213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190818896282838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833767039190371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579768795285163,0.0,0.0,0.17730656101774409,0.0,0.14103502346989835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952148842363088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380706664595435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443461540713922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.343848647957742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740824726419774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980397806037847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731601309638776,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Funky_Snake,2020/03/10,"Best ways to deal with Girlfriend who may have BPD? Hi everyone. This is my first post and I have only recently learnt about Borderline Personality Disorder. I have been dating my girlfriend (29F) for 2 years. We have done a lot of long distance. After recently speaking to her close friend I suspect she may have BPD. Some of her behaviour includes \- Intense bursts of anger of what others would consider trivial things \- Abusive language and actions when angry (Hitting me, throwing things at me, telling me to ""die and rot in hell"" \- Intense fear of abandonment. \- Saying that we are broken up and then backtracking quickly. \- Accusing me of conspiring with her friends against her. &#x200B; Besides these outbursts she is a lovely person, and has had a very troubled childhood. Do you have any advice for how to best deal with her and this behaviour? Do I take what she says at face value, do I ignore it, do I fight back when she makes wild accusations, or I leave, do I stay. Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated. TL:DR - GF may have BPD. How do I best deal with her?",3.841243654822336,6.595173670050768,4.184494923857869,82.60577791878174,76.25888324873097,6.985685279187818,29.64695431472081,8.07648339933343,2.3562854822335018,851,39,148,15,20,266,123,197,0.205,0.6659999999999999,0.129,-0.9454,0,0,0,0,1,0,43.0,2,1,0,4,7,14,3,1,3,0,26,2,1,3,1,29,30,13,1,2,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,3,0,2,11,14,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,7,0,1,3,3,28,7,23,20,6,23,1,1,0,1,31,5,1,6,13,113,39,0,0.0,0.13387683623436358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22082860762281206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242659533485176,0.1372974351201976,0.15367663150391733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688373896576569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35573384833753224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4269277449034047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3494688308038276,0.0,0.0,0.11726767538977648,0.0,0.12949842076641738,0.0,0.0,0.11562986704496404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796853108233463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714721688305486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611078874465444,0.0,0.0,0.17459440763413486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457388611623715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196420280947323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999420960609222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960616091105934,0.10197953368685984,0.0,0.07542292067879065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593537462782304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19732020683383647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821493466157617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22313159178653014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971126902684173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043425156162155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849557905013226,0.0,0.09875983549119008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501334957740961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323008920411527,0.0,0.08968765146189155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605323013753616,0.0,0.1372974351201976,0.07276303080952495 bpd,throwaway_cuz_anon,2020/03/10,"Tips for dealing with the need to self isolate? My fp said something which hurt my feelings. Causes me to want to pull away and self isolate. I just feel unlovable right now, the abandonment fear hits hard and I'm just overall hurt. I can see that I'm overreacting and shouldn't pull away. But how?",1.9588916256157631,4.6546050862069,2.0862561576354715,94.86293103448278,84.34482758620689,4.693596059113301,23.802955665024644,6.1826913282559595,0.4839921182266016,237,9,48,2,7,71,42,58,0.331,0.649,0.019,-0.9646,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,15,11,5,0,3,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,1,5,5,0,7,8,0,6,0,3,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058429064073746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22187219387018187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226671402318844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430389036985576,0.21841317506378927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19347673802061185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4624246972448583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014732795579614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844467702773516,0.20544758661088414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210905842519614,0.0,0.450631004328218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662728846756407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739131149287633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Clickclack999,2020/03/10,"I don't know what I look like I've just come to notice this. I was packing my studio away, I'm moving West and I won't be able to come back East for... Awhile. Anyway the room I've spent the last 3 months in is covered in mirrors. Every wall has a full body mirror, sometimes two. I'll stare at myself for hours and take in every millimeter of my face and pick out every dimple but I'll never be able to remember it. I don't know what my body looks like, I know I'm fat and that's it. I can't tell you how fat I am, all I know is I'm fat. I can tell you what I hate but not what those things look like. Just that they should be hated. I've pictured myself commiting suicide over and over but I don't know what my body would look like. I imagine it as if I where seeing it through a movie but I don't know what I look like. All I know is fat, flaws, and the dark bags under my eyes.",-0.3518181818181816,1.3446171010101011,1.7396868686868707,100.22286363636366,85.06060606060606,4.566060606060606,15.455555555555556,5.341637118332708,-1.0631038383838385,678,11,173,3,20,226,100,198,0.092,0.83,0.079,-0.7469,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,2,1,0,6,7,2,0,5,0,18,9,9,2,4,34,40,13,1,3,8,0,0,5,0,3,4,0,2,0,15,9,4,0,9,0,1,3,8,2,0,1,2,8,27,5,17,32,3,23,0,0,8,0,5,15,0,1,10,105,42,0,0.21934797364839093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304232086820864,0.08433252609661518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654692253935554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18894885690116134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27721519229894864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21656071222653767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800678487955002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42191768455224055,0.08939893725374683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267905850576226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604926341645695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754072993220477,0.11656609127477187,0.0,0.0,0.08458733982564139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248645609136368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423924740582162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739596795994202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847037732571094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996554077729901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246118899572638,0.0,0.19171979712198867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286252353466176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071355488736668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779092535395013,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nutthefunkind,2020/03/10,"can you get over an FP but still being on good, talking terms? we've been broken up for a while now and have seen each other since the breakup to mess around (which was an awful idea, 100% wouldn't recommend). after that he moved to the opposite side of the planet i'm in. i thought i'd gotten over him quite a bit, if i compare it to the times i've fallen out with other FPs, and despite being on good terms and speaking fairly often (we'll check up on each other maybe once or a couple times a week, but it's far from being constant, daily communication). so today he was talking to me about his job, meeting his co-workers, socializing with new people... and he mentioned a female co-worker. i didn't expect i'd be so overwhelmed by his mentioning that. he didn't even say anything nice about her; quite the opposite, in fact. but still i got so enraged. i started thinking how our lives are truly two different entities from now on. other women will care for him. he'll touch other bodies and get accostumed to a completely distinct organism than mine. and it hurts so bad because maybe this means what we lived together wasn't real enough. if he can get over me, then at least for him it wasn't real enough. and how could i get over him myself, as that would also imply i've been living a lie? i just want to stop feeling this much. so going on to the question in my title, has anyone here ever gotten over their FP while still speaking to them? i'm starting to fear this isn't possible. i don't want to stop talking to him, but it hurts when i start thinking about the whole new life he's building for himself, full of other people, other surroundings, and other partners' love. what is your experience in this? would going no-contact be worth it, or will i eventually learn not to break down over normal conversations?",6.411239554317548,6.103040395543179,6.7932298050139295,78.32939902506969,65.65738161559888,9.074150417827298,30.484818941504177,8.395991825355821,2.1816438997214487,1438,45,273,17,20,468,195,359,0.11800000000000001,0.7909999999999999,0.091,-0.9383,2,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,3,2,2,2,23,12,1,2,16,1,28,3,1,2,3,51,53,29,0,10,10,0,2,0,1,7,1,3,0,2,24,15,0,2,8,0,2,4,8,7,0,1,13,6,32,5,50,27,11,55,0,3,1,1,39,25,0,6,25,197,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780652617121048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803070747726704,0.0,0.0800652374890598,0.08661289924501275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123699977780546,0.059309938236831415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622059927698638,0.10807246391894024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919841791182923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201162837963264,0.10514099225040846,0.0,0.07768189075747058,0.10765472076934354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165223996489584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20106284069359084,0.0,0.06426222326192485,0.08800861476326878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517287343038723,0.0,0.109483572589508,0.04919511720695608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20332983340642088,0.0,0.11058962574131252,0.1632123349512988,0.07781544936163381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20831194980529846,0.10983385905497237,0.0,0.0,0.09654996419098062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872211488769474,0.0,0.0,0.25773897385392514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781225380118793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954911810964288,0.1059824372334648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034088548487138,0.07152278993366858,0.0,0.0,0.18793563028371735,0.0,0.0,0.0953281357999003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361566647159906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349037710679768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968514097887934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899231655574257,0.20696975207140805,0.0,0.2214853090144767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737264035338477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048317063530096,0.0,0.0,0.09917968095197416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065970410371148,0.0,0.2330989885428193,0.16268543006893055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23460535224878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468501389123356,0.0,0.07724111368397651,0.11346662901368915,0.0,0.09222398705965404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504277188551524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477385461219662,0.0,0.07804392931565603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862604362189117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416633820549721,0.0,0.0,0.13823070847673835,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,salsiladox,2020/03/10,"Recently diagnosed with BPD. I'm having a hard time coming to terms. Does anyone has any advise or access to resources I can read about? Recently (25f) diagnosed with BPD. I'm having a hard time coming to terms. Does anyone has any advise or access to resources I can read about? I'm trying to understand it more. For years I thought I might have been Bipolar or had OCD. I can't shake the term ""personality disorder."" Is there something wrong with me? Why do I feel so guilty?",1.9501877470355709,4.628370402173914,3.4479051383399235,85.23938735177866,84.1086956521739,6.388932806324111,21.40711462450593,7.686295010490155,1.1993782608695651,375,12,70,7,11,123,55,92,0.12,0.862,0.017,-0.8384,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,0,13,3,0,0,0,12,21,4,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,3,2,0,3,1,2,0,0,3,3,7,0,11,17,4,11,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,8,41,8,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113191646069175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172820917471414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913759843970505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676817200499458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154024826920101,0.0,0.0,0.17807195424879446,0.0,0.2719374998059141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856171401749043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783689977854675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482715796257033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135666499389426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31083189954998264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068259703007568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961442171183848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233495238583353,0.18119954510123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105488681391016,0.0,0.0,0.16174971298412627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140200780944873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698769723531238,0.0,0.10005569964971714 bpd,thelittlered7,2020/03/10,"My Ex-GF broke with me becuz she is dealing with BPD and I want to help her After passing through hard times myself (I always had anxiety and depression thanks to family problems) and have to go back to therapy. My ex-gf decided to end our relationship becuz herself is dealing with lots of stress, abuse trauma and BPD. She never told me before she had BPD and started just now going to therapy but still is not taking medicine (she is kinda against) and things between us got very bad after the broke up, we never got into fights when we were together, but since we broke up everything seems to make her feel bad and we we start to fight becuz me or her say something that hurts one another. I never had a relationship with someone who has BPD so everything is new and I feel like I miss something or talk things in a way I shoudn't. I wanted to help her to get better since all this is making her worst (she is starting to feel kinda suicidal lately and this makes me worried) I wanted to know more about what is have BPD, treatments, do's and dont's. I may not fix our relationship but i wanted to at least be able to help im some way since she doesnt have anyone to support her in such moment. **TLDR: Recently my ex found out she has BPD and is having a very unstable moment (she broke up with me becuz of this). I have depression and this makes harder for me to help since I don't have any idea how to help and how to be a good support for her.**",2.277709750566892,4.281419061224494,3.787959183673472,87.29910430839007,77.77551020408163,6.668480725623582,22.793650793650798,7.662118739084242,1.0392616780045354,1140,35,231,17,27,377,144,294,0.187,0.696,0.11699999999999999,-0.9782,0,0,2,0,3,0,28.0,8,0,0,1,10,22,2,1,5,0,28,0,0,6,4,61,56,22,1,5,8,1,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,9,25,0,0,8,0,0,3,8,16,0,1,8,5,46,6,41,45,6,32,0,8,0,0,41,8,0,8,20,168,55,0,0.073272691700856,0.08681615802630004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060968749248061935,0.0,0.0,0.04982794298424357,0.07683280601202873,0.056053408594978205,0.0,0.0,0.051233969712178834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05634217706462051,0.1223592739356755,0.0,0.0,0.062349663848679265,0.0,0.0,0.06480374136727497,0.0,0.0,0.5537063409903351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108185550097344,0.12621932398884073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587504896687073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489785635983465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317055413005885,0.0,0.06907497263300304,0.0,0.11114662356600533,0.0523460255916676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033972445851978,0.0,0.0,0.038281957194874025,0.0,0.08328511852687867,0.061457657399366726,0.11720573028189507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563793954058272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455657036251553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843993192762197,0.0827159501475793,0.07914708069394877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04026875511235644,0.0,0.08265478777237002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03579733601841989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062293822227816424,0.0,0.0,0.19564036272838828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695372508735795,0.07076722223572869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04965147220866605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011207026455417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234794337120361,0.2360023480420419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058269385391020015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670470659461755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424477110162065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06208371389926338,0.11281779570229572,0.0,0.0,0.15558836495502107,0.0,0.05851566624249802,0.0,0.08393362078074704,0.0,0.0,0.08014843208163806,0.16629796444290032,0.0,0.0,0.05509194526004869,0.058893814068916486,0.0,0.06745965002155023,0.1675874174766611,0.0,0.0973582410578298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04272589577414694,0.0,0.0,0.07001519695238717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813802628755638,0.0,0.0,0.12091528878052435,0.1728725279805814,0.11632090421815172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744119751633146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Baz5,2020/03/10,"DAE intentionally tell themselves that no one cares about you to kinda help build your walls? Idk, I've been doing that lately, everytime I wakeup and throughout the day I'll say to myself, no one loves you, your worthless, no one cares why would they, your useless waste of space and etc. I find that it gives me comfort, it helps me lower my expectations and it helps me disengage from others.",3.841389961389962,6.350037270270271,4.0004247104247135,85.21040540540544,74.94594594594594,6.390733590733591,22.73359073359073,7.447530270364453,0.9529482625482624,314,9,58,4,7,97,53,74,0.2,0.588,0.212,0.4779,1,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,5,1,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,8,7,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,1,1,13,4,5,5,1,4,0,2,0,1,13,2,0,1,2,39,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4498020683781835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225902931468618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460105024853758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016106269535388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116051617986324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4435602803107411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488294055461201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19908650873762698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4484221657502836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754179875014098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928009487846565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19904358673650646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669720317889307,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lilmisstiny5,2020/03/10,"I've been dissociating non-stop the past week and I'm gonna rip my hair out I'm trying my hardest to focus and concentrate on tasks right now but it is so fucking hard. I need to study for my final and when I'm reading nothing is processing and my eyes are scanning sentences, but my eyes feel like they're not even in focus. Even as I'm typing this I feel like I'm not in control of my body, like something else is forcing me to type and my brain is in the back seat chilling. I feel like I smoked a j. I'm stressed the fuck out because this final is important and I need to be really be studying now.",3.940846153846156,3.9077408923076935,5.270576923076924,86.21817307692308,70.84615384615384,8.038461538461537,29.32692307692308,7.645422480735847,1.590846153846154,476,17,107,5,8,160,76,130,0.087,0.7879999999999999,0.125,0.6178,0,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,2,1,4,0,9,7,5,1,0,18,23,11,0,2,4,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,8,13,4,13,19,0,15,0,0,3,2,0,7,2,0,12,59,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682872720714194,0.0,0.10054593140928997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832112267768103,0.0,0.18412765912055526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18499430565070007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778625788410115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21788271188215505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501959550494471,0.3534996416199486,0.0,0.36136755334238735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049688606353268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147753898804505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32232553310216344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24460193334530725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826443878509094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745395336976226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16498469799684656,0.0,0.10566482780836893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140857912476663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269789186423046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789727808925306,0.18893828474714025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198347574093648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230496940579253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,oshaaloctus,2020/03/10,"Getting off olanzapine Hello! I was diagnosed with bpd 3 years ago and have made the decision to come off my my antipsychotic. I've been on olanzapine 2.5 mg which is the lowest dose, but I've made the decision to not continue it. I'm sick of not having my cognitive function and I've given it a shot for a long enough time. However, the one time I did stop cold turkey (I forgot to bring meds to my village) I had horrible anxiety and sleeplessness. Does anyone have any insights on how to go about it, tips, anything whatsoever is welcome.",3.063714285714287,5.404751038095242,5.137380952380955,76.93178571428572,76.71428571428572,9.152380952380954,28.595238095238088,9.642632912329526,3.1629809523809516,429,19,79,13,10,148,72,105,0.175,0.789,0.036000000000000004,-0.9387,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,0,9,3,0,3,0,16,18,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,3,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,8,1,8,1,13,10,1,14,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,7,49,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130060509108708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340809744898846,0.0,0.18382418188389954,0.0,0.0,0.16801908756445394,0.0,0.19774141189165773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30264176520151503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20699192463967614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24389325844278756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21028281817684447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482878415437832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255436491491551,0.0,0.13656456547478074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21265254694537444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4547438115701773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26691236137108265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16282937089586566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008964667120832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802346202597557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547413983876074 bpd,Ashh_The_CyborgWitch,2020/03/10,"anyone here on Wellbutrin/Bupropion? just interested to see whether it works for people with BPD and doesn't worsen any BPD symptoms. &#x200B; thanks =)",5.0076923076923086,8.594265538461544,3.7373076923076947,79.84519230769233,85.92307692307692,5.676923076923077,29.57692307692308,7.1686216300943375,2.4294923076923083,128,6,18,2,4,37,25,26,0.0,0.635,0.365,0.8886,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797873359168085,0.31377237515609835,0.17560226682588315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805573475668498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6504522215878928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902112137330614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20577237518042574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683952771661319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23773944404670444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879913164194436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31377237515609835,0.0 bpd,chiildfree,2020/03/10,"An emotional trigger of mine is people asking for/ to borrow money. I get so angry, and then I get angry at myself Whenever relatives ask to either have or borrow money, I get inexplicably angry. I give it to them nonetheless, and they always pay me back, but I get so irrationally upset anyways. It's really beginning to piss me off because I feel guilty and selfish. I think it's because I was raised in a family where love equated to money and materialism, and over time I've come to think that unless I give it, then I'm not a good person. Thing is, I can't hold a job down, and these are my savings. People know this, and they know I'm trying to keep as much money aside (whatever money I don't use to fucking binge on food), but they ask nonetheless. A particular relative will make me feel bad if I don't give it, either by trying to compromise after I've already said no, and then getting all wounded and quiet after. I'm struggling to establish boundaries. Fuck.",5.4423123909249576,5.952066979057591,7.1127879581151845,72.41675610820246,67.69109947643979,9.717452006980805,30.052792321116925,9.725611199111238,2.8951671902268763,767,27,137,16,12,267,113,191,0.23600000000000002,0.7290000000000001,0.035,-0.9913,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,4,0,5,10,3,2,5,0,9,6,1,3,1,31,38,20,0,1,8,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,9,10,1,2,6,0,8,1,5,7,0,0,2,4,22,3,23,35,4,16,0,0,0,3,13,7,3,2,8,95,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295792511400358,0.0,0.11533337467396072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3887407067407016,0.0,0.0,0.10658137976394644,0.11573230679408805,0.16898890866815844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939894845717505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591590492504975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066775680212867,0.0,0.14016924339744158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16760594690661235,0.0,0.0,0.2562826472149716,0.3620860987688116,0.3988977064972223,0.0,0.11625823253460285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754754738938044,0.1232016023847236,0.0,0.0,0.1523512119998102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509958177918742,0.0,0.09252224924320568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189319509598528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921873612223678,0.12102759474902534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879615358705263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184842335938504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490369804850214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920853275817972,0.17762945849494285,0.0,0.0,0.08082373029420356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18821214433127792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971323949561773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dannidarko1,2020/03/10,"Disassociated in romantic relationships Hey, I’m having trouble in my romantic relationship. Basically, I’m deeply in love with my boyfriend, and I can’t seem to come back into my body when he’s with me. (This is also a symptom that I’m experiencing elsewhere in my life) I started a relationship with him after years of casual sex. I never felt depersonalized. It’s because those people didn’t care about me. I also experience body dysmorphia and I have an ED and also ocd. The situation that is lowering my mood happened a few days ago. He initiated intimacy, and as he was taking off my clothes, I felt SO gross. I didn’t want him to see my body. I confided in my therapist about it and they said “ maybe you’re not sexually attracted to him.” I disagree however. It’s like whenever he wants to initiate sex or when he says loving things to me, I shudder. Then I think to myself “ gross, why would you think that of me? I’m absolutely unworthy.” Or some variation of this. I’ve noticed that I’m resisting the urge to engage in casual sex and mindless flirting, it’s tempting because I’ll know what to expect. I feel so tired, and I want to be grounded with him so much! I’m getting so frustrated.",3.0288880218493968,5.328717836909874,5.556763558330086,74.0869440109247,76.63948497854076,9.214904408895825,29.47502926258291,9.688023934748609,3.2833965665236047,948,44,176,29,22,336,129,233,0.134,0.736,0.13,-0.5791,2,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,1,0,12,14,1,0,6,0,10,11,3,0,1,30,36,20,0,5,3,0,3,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,13,13,0,0,7,2,0,1,5,4,0,0,6,7,32,9,28,28,3,20,0,0,1,5,19,9,0,4,11,114,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212868118628877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30346994679065925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972655422547362,0.0,0.15421828721910238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4215166322018821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896835302811746,0.0,0.0,0.1089627802910178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157771608408028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373472276725525,0.0,0.0,0.06395881483559168,0.0,0.2429068158905185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608753014391708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111857610337716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695174113956278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893459609562802,0.06179823855782456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283302896724075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707952499775382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298713241495443,0.0,0.0975594335523749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401346417336688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769452950037647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40741940676826394,0.0,0.0,0.12032409809185755,0.1005925518356776,0.0,0.0,0.1007987855689585,0.11515475254758427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218377274552402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953261111725108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147497552608134,0.09510722177882837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686847457563915,0.08403653002790583,0.16210360232895182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538544420082866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238270828045907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414053143318785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985721337814245,0.0,0.0,0.08145754006483495 bpd,meh80,2020/03/10,"Confused about neuro psych eval? Hi guys. I know none of us are doctors here but I’m wondering if someone can help me dissect a part of my neuro-psych eval. The clinician wrote “Based on her pattern of responses, (insert name here)‘s profiles should be viewed with some caution, given moderate elevations on the negative impression scale, suggesting a possible element of exaggeration.” Does this mean that they believed I was exaggerating my mental illness when discussing it? I’m kind of annoyed at this. I did this evaluation over a year ago and just now read all the information again and this is the part that stuck out with me. I will be bringing it to my doctor to discuss it further but any help is appreciated.",5.420475524475528,7.838379061538465,6.174475524475525,71.84416083916085,69.92307692307692,9.342657342657345,34.89510489510489,9.800150414767053,3.9371538461538464,578,30,95,15,11,189,94,130,0.133,0.77,0.09699999999999999,-0.6248,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,1,0,6,4,1,1,7,0,10,3,0,0,1,19,19,6,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,5,1,12,2,15,10,5,12,0,0,1,0,13,6,0,4,5,69,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887707800360494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722597489042335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22735130248476454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4130868158456836,0.1765901762367147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19980652664824972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705148241039818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101360736373762,0.11090000604006912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21981143849016216,0.0,0.0,0.20335960779074175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4370437199965357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274909810429493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018473361000228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709783236955728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24273180584741924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21883560574678107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994790087606062 bpd,soulessreadytofly,2020/03/10,"i think i have bpd.. hi i dont really know who to talk to about this but i moved my own to the uk for uni and before doing so i stopped all my antidepressants without doctors help to start a new life and ever since i havent visited a doctor because i dont know how to get one i just recently registered for a GP but i dont know how to ask for a therapist or even know who to ask.. i have never been this alone and empty and afraid in my life before. Growing up ive had a severe ED and thankfully i beat it but ive always been depressed and just recently i was researching about BPD and oh my god... everything makes sense but i havent been diagnosed by a professional (which i need to do and go to a hospital for that but i am too depressed to do it myself thats why i kind of wish i had someone that would force me to go to a therapist and appoint me like my mom did) i have an on/off toxic relationship w my bf (the only person irl that im really close with) even though we are bad for each other i am afraid of losing n i get into rage mode with him sometimes and i cant stop it! i say horrible things that i dont mean! i drink and do drugs regularly to cope with life and recently i attempted suicide by self harming and i havent done that in years! i had to get so many stitches. i put myself in dangerous situations and become reckless because i have no love for what i am. i havent even told my mom about my worsening mental state because i dont want her to worry i act like i am happy with life whenever she contacts me but in all honesty i feel like im dying. i dont have ""real"" friends except for my cousin who is in a different country and an online friend that ive never met. my social interactions with people are pathetic i am becoming more shy as a person and i feel like no one understands me and i dont understand them so i just put on a fake persona. i would be able to keep going if all of this wasnt affecting my uni because my attendance is getting worse and i dont feel like i am control of my life anymore. everyday feels like its the end of days but it just keeps going and going... i dont know what the point of this is i dont know what to do",1.9301192877312303,3.1152260319829463,4.348822681957014,86.46044718492479,76.5266524520256,7.8847692041721915,24.615974183138363,8.524219190627866,1.4981043162565544,1695,56,381,33,37,596,208,469,0.193,0.706,0.10099999999999999,-0.9937,1,1,2,0,0,2,27.0,1,0,1,4,18,22,2,2,17,0,52,11,0,5,6,78,88,35,2,6,15,3,4,6,3,2,9,1,0,3,25,28,1,5,14,1,0,12,21,10,0,2,12,5,72,12,51,73,6,37,0,3,0,1,31,10,0,2,20,269,97,4,0.0549974796056088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05696080249939362,0.0,0.0,0.045762308788099164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054542721505147516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283043863444867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04592059822442552,0.1341038123977159,0.12148079058374067,0.09359760877719307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853480057043985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06168434990830224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03546882451764953,0.0,0.0947384971914291,0.055821284111842034,0.05707870084839808,0.0574606605710245,0.0,0.11258450163818286,0.0,0.0562815163536101,0.6445663649791855,0.0538765922543353,0.0637796157983398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048711442813776665,0.0,0.0,0.1089759497577632,0.04974836896840264,0.0,0.0,0.049428188411564544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123351271184423,0.1571608416770518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498183263229303,0.0,0.1149356526266812,0.0,0.15628167538641174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058545839714148326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03686365128252461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881343117788233,0.0,0.0,0.09776857371002164,0.0,0.05727141176906118,0.18135105889736589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19423173157071824,0.1612139430318081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061528111868217994,0.0,0.0,0.049637372589027,0.0,0.03671124469917195,0.05575881212432938,0.0,0.05990837835413231,0.0,0.0,0.05542452389719913,0.0,0.0,0.12882476682470542,0.0,0.05845361706296143,0.0,0.04077993425702522,0.08483489351783285,0.05311690851408432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745354310534401,0.04182806152141188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0381283275300433,0.09604335567987636,0.0,0.0,0.05199039498370106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057531481886458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259917227177828,0.07046558745260782,0.0,0.1629101284954853,0.05904671086425301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04373620321957606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05737436573326502,0.06213149754415246,0.0,0.04549448345803221,0.06181947138076965,0.0,0.05606300446199647,0.04659918599626523,0.0,0.05439391361185925,0.0,0.03892749913532394,0.0,0.0,0.09196071114881643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060158316236387364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044204890839487365,0.0,0.050634290076426544,0.0,0.12771262550496415,0.036537881663172116,0.035240164230378984,0.05403474447505472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052552448628369566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450863171946166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03243893840695015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04962667103332944,0.0,0.06324438733806714,0.05301560775017039,0.0,0.0,0.05585261018068555,0.05604713028424671,0.07813726311409414,0.0,0.0,0.03541657370281367 bpd,HeyAreUMyMom,2020/03/10,"I can feel it happening again, I know I'm getting bad again and I don't know what to do. I've never posted here, first timer so please be gentle. I don't know if anybody can relate to this exact feeling but can you tell when you're getting bad again? When you're getting into ""fuck it"" mode. When you know you are getting impulsive urges again, when you're getting selfish and reckless again, when you feel ready to do something crazy, start throwing your life away. That happened to me last year. I went *off the rails.* Constant drinking and drug usage and fucking around, then I went on a coke bender last year, and I ended up in the psychiatric hospital, then a substance abuse program for over a month. It was horrible. I stopped caring about my life and decided ""fuck it, I need to party."" Things are good right now and they've been good for a while, I've held down a job and have a great relationship with my gf. But I've started getting depressed again and I don't know why. Mood swings. The only thing that helps is smoking weed but I can't smoke right now, and I am getting that ""desperate"" feeling again. I'm getting intrusive thoughts. Having these fantasy ideas of myself doing something crazy. I love my girlfriend yet i'm getting thoughts like what if I just want to party forever, make tons of friends, travel, go to raves, explore, use a fuckton of MDMA again, maybe even move far away or even just take off on a bus trip to somewhere far, become some kind of fucking drifter. I thought I wanted this domestic life with somebody I love and to stay out of trouble. All I ever wanted was somebody to love and spend all my time with and who cares about me (dont' judge), now I have that but I'm scared my fucked up brain will throw it away. What if I do something bad again? How do I get out of the ""bad mode""?",3.0594516129032243,4.974811411111112,3.4268100358422977,91.17790322580649,75.16666666666667,5.978494623655915,26.335125448028673,6.6834051587181325,0.9778996415770612,1428,53,291,12,31,442,183,360,0.171,0.672,0.157,-0.8782,1,0,6,0,1,0,52.0,0,5,0,1,29,25,5,1,12,0,25,15,1,3,5,60,76,31,0,7,10,0,4,1,3,1,4,0,0,0,18,20,2,2,15,3,1,9,6,13,0,1,9,4,34,11,39,65,4,66,0,1,0,8,15,20,5,5,36,184,52,2,0.0,0.0923297698523629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937081334674641,0.0,0.0,0.21964260800374516,0.0,0.260260390660474,0.0,0.086063333333957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699137837882527,0.0,0.0,0.15890184933741944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421050688838101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711769674995348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132889184948284,0.07633798061079045,0.09036961824150166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901945764289667,0.0,0.0,0.10293900178861927,0.07048868287364222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576072535653663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628396109980123,0.0,0.0,0.06020556627940221,0.3602074462359426,0.4071320797483307,0.0,0.04428723869227179,0.13072154982094247,0.0,0.08591387844415113,0.0,0.0,0.1378197110205197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05223226969448613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796916166149543,0.0,0.0,0.07732970034383453,0.0,0.0,0.08114811531769413,0.2141309277150172,0.1270404597886233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512467702467912,0.03807079086484277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21099423484603275,0.0,0.052016324135976975,0.0,0.07828731258846666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219992609785128,0.08282318720007491,0.0,0.05778126827187367,0.060101466940512376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05926636440432166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855395347819535,0.0,0.0,0.07463173087240316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366354441661238,0.0,0.13309704821572807,0.0,0.0,0.07801769133172264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17997412030065266,0.0,0.0,0.11031308959522397,0.08305892969833932,0.0,0.06514976811722871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585907824329007,0.0,0.06811090804085095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354137057501617,0.0,0.0,0.18559402560495014,0.04543937687691702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730319160965675,0.0,0.0,0.13788862365984866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447668213750045,0.0703162485339918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036379820991616 bpd,Ineedafriend875,2020/03/10,Let's say I'm dating someone with a bpd? How can I make this relationship last longer? I meet this wonderful woman who has bpd. I was wondering how can I make this relationship lasted long?,2.4168918918918934,4.996719810810814,4.282364864864864,80.83543918918923,80.62162162162161,8.024324324324324,22.763513513513516,8.841846274778883,1.9532216216216216,151,5,29,4,4,51,26,37,0.0,0.855,0.145,0.7109,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,4,0,7,10,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,17,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5220756009730241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378905309361147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21193827399804735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834193409674092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276696469910356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4450412016764115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482215649870904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756114559928489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4495311278954171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Thisisjustathrow1919,2020/03/10,"a dumb poem about how stuck i feel Where is the Road that leads to the Mountains I am cold, I should have foreseen What I've been told. Once let known, that Growing is not becoming old Will I be able to find my home?",1.5217391304347814,3.1006274782608725,2.2341304347826103,99.52771739130438,78.56521739130434,5.469565217391305,20.195652173913047,5.985473137389443,-0.3182869565217397,168,4,41,1,4,52,38,46,0.12,0.841,0.039,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,3,0,9,0,0,2,0,7,12,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,2,5,0,3,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,26,8,1,0.34277738888180304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3785706953682393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17331854712678674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132923235019765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438336694084146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505131040102726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596872082682384,0.3650467321153565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275384844788509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,duley14,2020/03/10,"Advice on being more empathetic? I've been with my current boyfriend for almost 3 years, and just a few months ago we moved in with each other. I've tried to be honest with him from the start about my mental health and how things affect me, and he's been incredibly supportive for me with almost everything. If there's something wrong he encourages me to open up and be vocal about it so we can try to fix the problem. I love him to death and I would never want anything bad to happen to him. But I feel like I'm lacking as a supportive partner back. Whenever he gets nervous about something or is upset and tells me, it's like all my thoughts shut off. I don't know what to do. It's not that I don't care that he feels sad about something, I feel bad when it happens and I want to help alleviate his pain as much as I can but. I don't know where to begin. It's so frustrating for me because he always knows what to say to help me in like every situation, when I throw a fit he knows it's just my bpd and he always helps me to calm down and take a step back but. If he has something really upsetting him I'm useless to try and help. I just listen to him and apologize for how he feels (even if I know it's not my fault!!!) Sorry for the long post, I just want to be able to help my boyfriend :(",2.4382985749044157,3.5840017627737275,3.9255787278415037,90.15736009732365,75.16788321167883,7.116857838025722,23.266597149808828,7.62386473244151,0.8051385470976706,1009,28,230,13,21,335,133,274,0.11800000000000001,0.71,0.172,0.9117,1,0,4,0,0,0,25.0,2,0,0,0,19,22,1,3,7,0,15,3,0,3,2,55,41,27,1,9,13,0,4,3,1,1,2,2,0,1,13,19,0,0,10,0,0,3,6,12,0,0,3,6,34,10,39,33,6,26,0,2,0,1,29,10,0,6,15,150,47,0,0.10580076446986936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338728254792412,0.0937859940497005,0.0,0.21188836545562087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606942312292231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706501434933614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16270851437177247,0.17667843806291333,0.06449516401364022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325235911845915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787093062835147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988040710157434,0.0,0.08914170721541946,0.0,0.09508690503284344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21398418189298,0.07558408727726701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527653266999022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18711853321663005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246126516467878,0.0,0.0,0.3545801111987713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29072666611806075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506672795081866,0.0,0.0,0.0936303471999382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548932067169158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662228598025043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844491608016784,0.11244946887819954,0.07777573547733861,0.0,0.08160007196940099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257947290447608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132788632957697,0.0,0.0,0.1012370428923163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777867890280584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413701443818168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892449214239295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258023897863435,0.0,0.11843529378785148,0.07488632564531975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24012290744924916,0.0,0.0,0.07954900781374262,0.0,0.09247453150412753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028932670723684,0.0,0.0,0.08399398892900342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21549532239139074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18721209626284332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515782750716632,0.11567652706554572,0.0,0.06813222350427525 bpd,fool-with-no-hill,2020/03/10,"I don’t want to be alive. I can’t pretend anymore. I’m sorry in advance for dumping all of this negativity .. I wish I had something positive to offer. My life is not worth living and it hasn’t been for the past three or so years. I have irreparably damaged my brain and I’ve tried to pretend that I’m still the same “me” or that I’ll somehow get her back but I won’t. I look at old pictures and see this confident, popular, happy girl and I feel a pain so deep it cannot be healed. I will never be that girl again, and the person I’ve been since is not one I can live with anymore. I’m an embarrassment of a human being. I destruct myself and everyone around me. Everyone hates me and I hate myself. I lost every true friend I ever had and I am incapable of making new ones. I’m sorry again for this vague post I just really want to die I can’t pretend anymore... I can’t do this anymore",0.3150793650793666,2.44006378835979,2.9041269841269863,90.27142857142859,85.71957671957672,5.716402116402117,21.16931216931217,7.07126945348624,0.6194296296296296,692,23,151,10,21,240,106,189,0.23800000000000002,0.615,0.146,-0.945,0,0,1,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,2,10,12,4,1,6,0,22,4,1,1,4,27,37,13,1,3,6,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,9,10,0,0,1,3,1,1,11,8,0,3,5,3,26,4,14,26,2,16,0,2,2,0,7,4,0,3,10,106,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.527786899531894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843990446343546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023048154976994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852428632817613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808162536976354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203484933004486,0.11209770976073208,0.2542639343891069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727248519388282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027916666142688,0.0,0.0695114880495396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163084629131212,0.0,0.2627124400732916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397492512978632,0.0,0.0,0.2349656129426205,0.0,0.11172584566548807,0.0,0.1452363538817956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880980579555442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261393313879127,0.12849747722398694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961028864933528,0.0,0.1803119782776872,0.0,0.14157122937038846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700827331151995,0.0,0.11617137794943205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742210517678518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523321925225967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602111416823287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100577295535838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242596555101938,0.0,0.2978701127267868,0.0,0.0,0.10625138662635808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033007802527623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694895903108266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299731194565716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567780957211094 bpd,jennaau23,2020/03/10,"Work refusing me my psychiatrist as support person Hi everyone (BPD diagnosed), I am in the process of having my manager draw up a ""fitness for work"" plan (as if I'm not fit for work 🙄) because I made the mistake of asking to have a break a couple of months ago during my shift due to peak anxiety (and now they think I'm psycho). Thing is, my manager gets frustrated that my psychiatrist's availability is slim (she is my support person in the meetings) and that I only see her about once a fortnight, and my most recent email said that these delays are unreasonable and that I will need to consider using a friend or colleague as my support and that my workplace is not obligated to allow me to use my psychiatrist. I feel that they are obligated to allow me to use whichever support person I want, particularly because it's a sensitive issue and I want an educated professional supporting me. Has anyone encountered this in their workplace and can anyone give perspective on whether I should maintain that I be allowed to use my psych? I don't want to use a colleague. Thanks for any help",8.807475728155337,7.652386640776701,9.342058252427183,64.77551456310681,61.23300970873787,12.511844660194175,40.50291262135922,11.602472056035307,4.836164660194176,872,41,150,22,10,295,117,206,0.075,0.789,0.136,0.897,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,3,4,2,9,1,0,11,0,15,1,0,9,0,32,40,13,0,7,5,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,3,11,7,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,3,30,7,24,35,1,14,0,0,1,0,17,7,0,3,6,105,41,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444019592739088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072450020425298,0.0,0.08150187132745823,0.0,0.0,0.14898877737297805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959937302318966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298900968643482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341818576478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178831282271576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813461408354352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180236520872946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05386920581293347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231159334666592,0.0,0.05566211275400317,0.10220170097599887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141069519575016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119880154173974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080956498138688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503823383039266,0.0,0.0,0.07899715177459005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346031841171425,0.0,0.08102753927011612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790766470256292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519418745882182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013427722359688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489761011778983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6044946971011567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980865901586638,0.0,0.0,0.07077962816407375,0.06826574522466639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4600764747396884,0.0,0.0,0.1885179896016355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326844913888061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BakingBare__,2020/03/10,"Prozac is a godsend I can handle being alone better with it. I forgot to take my Prozac for the past week and started spiraling into my self destructive tendencies and my boyfriend said I was being a bit much and wanted his personal space. I’m pretty sure he’s about to break up with me. And I don’t for real care. The past few days I did because I didn’t want to be alone again but I remembered to take my Prozac last night and today. This morning. Esta mañana i could give a shit if I he leaves me. How I was acting a few days ago that prompted him wanting some personal space legit was maybe a 2 or 3 on a scale of 1-10 of my destructive tendencies/ overreacting. So honestly if he can’t handle that. This wasn’t going to workout. I’ve been with other guys who have seen me at my absolute worst and don’t hold it against me. So this was bound to fail. Oh well. Im already back on tinder.",2.108306451612904,3.782525139784944,3.788911290322584,88.60336693548389,77.17204301075269,7.015591397849463,22.91532258064516,7.865858978985527,1.0403129032258072,700,21,150,11,16,234,115,186,0.14,0.762,0.098,-0.9163,0,2,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,7,10,3,0,8,0,18,4,1,1,1,26,31,13,0,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,4,9,10,0,3,1,1,0,2,5,5,1,0,11,2,22,5,20,16,6,22,0,1,1,0,12,7,1,4,12,98,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570957876007747,0.0,0.0,0.3171207280605328,0.1689442620503906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772069043896735,0.0,0.09332535874935552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540018462606174,0.1671402100354958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560906690211476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223398875109832,0.0,0.0,0.197467362834434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686278074517958,0.08700747971657585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158822956847326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16536899124139426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479294887910865,0.0,0.16210561746634533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538046164818779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254252200804543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366939082047708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29229321323646634,0.0,0.26735349171830336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575276667504948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742557532175251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17342691676845218,0.0,0.14562850908415906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597115896807983,0.0,0.15714993150869605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836150761307396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429033040590686,0.0,0.2302169412516793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511626438169678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27089838925370624,0.0,0.12280366356999355,0.0,0.13765089086296392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,FourthStageofGrief,2020/03/10,fp moved on before we were done Now I'm just doing that dumb thing where I passive aggressively send music to him. I don't know why I gotta be like this it fucking suckssss. This week's already been shit and this was like the last thing I needed to find out I stg.,0.5899999999999999,2.644199140350881,1.9851754385964924,97.75039473684211,83.91228070175438,4.5017543859649125,18.271929824561404,5.46131890053228,-0.6204596491228074,209,5,49,1,6,67,47,57,0.159,0.7240000000000001,0.11699999999999999,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,0,3,6,4,0,1,0,7,2,1,0,0,7,12,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,4,0,7,2,4,6,0,8,0,0,0,1,3,3,3,0,5,30,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114203581083224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401357645699441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887938086730955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579303594117192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608940782674372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509254902567365,0.23003483135600064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275742325578955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999393725689564,0.0,0.2092515144320438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28967949164523465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749690729744346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263679181632965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25464621900796913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,idratherbethedevil,2020/03/10,Did bpd change after having kids? Curious if anyone changed for the better after having children? I have bpd and have been in therapy for a bit now and have a partner who is wonderfully supportive and has often spoke of wanting a child. I myself really want a child too and have concerns about my bpd. Has anyone had a kid and been able to progress with there bpd because of parenting?,4.525662100456621,6.575503232876713,5.319383561643836,78.59542237442923,71.46575342465755,8.154337899543378,28.605022831050228,8.841846274778883,2.507622831050229,308,12,53,6,6,100,50,73,0.0,0.787,0.213,0.9353,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,6,0,13,0,0,0,0,11,18,6,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,4,2,10,13,1,4,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,3,3,44,5,0,0.15436910733396605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158769382168637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941019750285332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365269307644471,0.16853108396042074,0.0,0.7776899469613824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266040938923205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140862534218054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889280300504212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517623364589904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765345276374953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18210179814246305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740671195843776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,paulineofficial,2020/03/10,"aye anyone else falls in love only with people who doesn’t really like them? i feel like i manipulate everyone into relationship with me and also can’t feel a thing to a person who is genuinely interested in me and likes me WHERE DOES IT COME FROM",10.044489795918366,6.990943755102041,10.82214285714286,61.11035714285714,60.42857142857143,14.69795918367347,34.70408163265306,13.023866798666859,4.445073469387754,200,5,37,6,2,70,37,49,0.0,0.713,0.287,0.9359,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,9,7,3,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,6,5,7,7,0,6,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,3,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216700464925755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18947364270076691,0.27764828698783234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334229672332737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23713407884128365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263667798339525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589304417656117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740285499282184,0.1935862515725221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971574929190631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445676109870692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20609046258772545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187861554481564,0.2366069437668151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17359500998139465,0.0,0.0,0.2909282312800524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002529067917794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,reoccuringthaw,2020/03/10,"How do I stop my fp from being my fp ? Tomorrow is my fp's birthday. She has been my fp and the person who I love sososo strongly and deeply for over 2 years. I haven't talked to her in 7 months months and we didn't really end on the best terms either. She never liked me as much as I did, I was just her younger sister type of friend, but still she was the best. She made me things I never felt, I truly wish her the best. I would give up everything I have in my life, I would give up my whole life if it would make her happy. She is the most amazing and incredible and perfect person ever. I'm well aware that I probably idealize and idolize her and I just created this person in my head who is absolutely perfect with no flaws but I still can't really help it. We haven't talked in sooo many months but I still think about her obsessively every fucking day. I wish her no harm, I genuinely feel nothing but admiration and love towards her. She also has bpd and was kind of the first and the only person who was there for me. She was always there for me, all the time, we would isolate ourselves (haha lol bpd) and wouldn't talk for weeks or months but we would still kind of connect after all and be there for each other. There's no way to describe her kindness, her humor, her intelligence... There's no way to describe her ... I feel like a warm ray of sunshine is covering me under a fresh rainbow on a spring day, while birds are chirping and a scrumptious flowery scent is wandering through the chilly breeze... Everything is so peaceful, and so well, there are no worries no anxiety no fear nothing I can't overcome. This is how thinking about her makes me feel.",3.9251965174129393,5.019705065671643,4.647779850746269,86.6016200248756,71.47761194029852,7.61318407960199,26.495646766169155,7.937092434478242,1.4118184079601988,1307,42,272,17,24,420,162,335,0.147,0.631,0.222,0.9895,1,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,4,0,0,8,23,28,1,2,13,2,33,6,1,5,7,59,50,29,0,10,10,1,5,2,1,6,2,0,0,4,10,20,0,1,6,0,0,0,15,4,2,1,10,8,55,25,31,32,11,37,0,0,1,3,41,11,1,3,26,205,65,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683080758684475,0.07107392377981392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534389731153765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689201340625671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151598579124956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101740098822374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565425489746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726471582984959,0.07196764539641841,0.0,0.1535348800693123,0.0,0.0,0.09611805783921484,0.12956845513712167,0.0610220396344548,0.08201387345412384,0.0,0.0,0.07265579678419544,0.0,0.0,0.06599308967500396,0.07896679250797259,0.0,0.1638798556368907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909281603062541,0.0,0.0,0.08766265398654101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05725332508094865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668464985246871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066533923540634,0.08346102431400754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418465236789775,0.0808237866796716,0.1140332416221793,0.08659959840155965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27271666421703994,0.0,0.06279144438811615,0.0,0.1317579666636731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392014677035932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496360291164588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983318946059947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209415068487932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944084606607304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27285703274134593,0.07141257454025357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059652446799913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05674736885389613,0.10946374048109377,0.0,0.0,0.04980743572942041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356003392289166,0.06851649735698062,0.0,0.15360057877463515,0.0,0.0,0.0953652141298007,0.1964510482187813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674527715083392,0.0,0.3033895158486097,0.0,0.0,0.055005853650254566 bpd,FEfan93,2020/03/10,"How to curb my emotionally fueled impulses? So I’ve only just recently started seeing my new therapist, but I’m still suffering from my impulses and I don’t know where to start with coping skills. I stress spend on my credit cards whenever something goes “wrong” in my life but I’ve only managed to dig myself an impressively deep hole. Big surprise: my day to day is almost always a tiny panic hurricane. Stress spend to feel control. Rinse repeat. I do the same thing with food and I’ve gained close to 50 pounds in 3 months. I feel awful and miserable and I’m embarrassed to ask: what in the world do I do to feel some kind of control over myself? I know deep down the only person who can change me is me, but idk where to even begin.",3.4610730593607286,5.246495815068499,4.672808219178084,83.2310388127854,73.72602739726027,7.880365296803652,23.81050228310503,8.59863814320734,1.5964584474885846,583,17,113,11,12,192,92,146,0.201,0.718,0.081,-0.9675,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,4,7,11,0,5,5,1,7,2,0,3,0,23,19,9,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,7,1,3,5,0,3,0,1,7,0,0,0,4,16,4,19,19,2,23,0,2,1,0,3,13,0,2,10,66,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709143587301885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053571125644006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666048109716698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595694658398627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519057801893659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20234766813361893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764675108407969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361695383672806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379678727196705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896984420347789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336510696066614,0.17243294818517038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080812092132554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252191445252871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151450213614231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35794014151197473,0.0,0.1840634454976687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698049854936814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489886806560846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250120755376219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077294832197208,0.0,0.0,0.2220792141669841,0.0,0.12528359539623896,0.0,0.35940822214887114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214835361468149,0.10422328979927156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17152231737175502,0.0,0.0 bpd,CasuallyNocturnal19,2020/03/10,"Invisible I hate feeling invisible. A room full of people, all of hanging out, I feel like I've finally figured out what to say and what to do. Finally found what to do and say to be a part of everything. No, they still cant see me. I can't stand how much it affects me when no one notices me. I can't stop the crazy thoughts that I KNOW are irrational. I know they don't hate me, they just are distracted. Just busy. Still. My mind says everyone hates me. Demands I react. Demands I do something crazy to redirect attention, but I can't because that's 'Bad' I hate this brain. I wish I could just do a sad face and move on when my feelings get hurt. Instead I get crazy thoughts, wild ideas, and this urge to do life ruining behavior just to redirect behavior so that the attention is on me. I'm upset, miserable, but I know that isn't an excuse to act psycho and hurt others just to feel better. Instead I have to sit quiet and dwell in my pain. There must be some in between I can't see. I'm trapped in this brain where the world is black and white, do nothing or be crazy. I want an in between where i ask for help to fix this deep pain of being invisible without hurting the loved ones who are making feel unnoticed and worthless.",1.8376190476190464,3.874123158730161,3.4423015873015888,89.08464285714287,79.3174603174603,7.057142857142857,25.97619047619048,8.07648339933343,1.5969095238095243,964,39,206,18,24,319,128,252,0.214,0.667,0.11900000000000001,-0.9847,0,1,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,3,1,16,20,4,4,9,0,25,7,3,4,2,46,51,15,0,4,9,0,5,1,0,1,3,4,1,0,14,10,0,1,15,0,0,3,10,17,0,2,3,13,30,3,27,42,5,26,0,7,4,1,11,14,0,2,8,141,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049752279804824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975759372892925,0.06553069851065357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507457346986686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24000999241201826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582960485708455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272038074052403,0.09661362059177923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271774890492411,0.07679766555089268,0.0,0.2355208993312337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786765508322365,0.0,0.0,0.1123281056032459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42453400926776097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205465005074332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452413200385091,0.12135385262504585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772367444699652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593007724502078,0.05251882656002718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970224974170208,0.0,0.07175675218531642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854385213436593,0.0,0.0,0.11425495780089732,0.07902450285934473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031486712352971,0.12238889527818275,0.0,0.0,0.14568888902990745,0.0,0.2287740983442185,0.0,0.0,0.11641148467753012,0.0,0.0745266190845228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25646375558804296,0.0,0.0,0.17132636982214522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082758368420553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17169848196820334,0.08987439699694966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706851932045511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340599136576723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361912178456347,0.10362568358704342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,notfortalk,2020/03/10,Alexithymia Can anyone share their experiences with Alexithymia within bpd? More specifically if there is anyone who doesn't experience emotional blindness towards other but mainly towards themselves,14.502857142857144,18.204903571428574,10.941428571428574,41.553571428571416,49.0,11.314285714285715,49.714285714285715,11.20814326018867,7.3440142857142865,172,10,13,4,2,50,25,28,0.044000000000000004,0.899,0.057999999999999996,0.0971,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,4,3,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4759081340899924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4286110580129868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38280520168696897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6657808846890761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,alerammmz,2020/03/10,"I think im ruining my relationship because of my insecurities... again My boyfriend (M18) and I (F18) have been dating for over a year. Lately I’ve been having a lot of issues with him. I’ve been pretty insecure in past relationships, but this one felt different. My bpd had been okay for about a year or so, with some exceptions but otherwise i had been doing fine. I caught my bf lying to me. I knew he’d lied before but thought we all lied sometimes. Anyways, he had been lying about using drugs and deleting some texts with this girl. (His best friend thought he liked her and jokes about it a couple of times, including my birthday party) I’d gotten over that issue about a month ago but now im feeling very insecure and my toxic traits are acting up and I’m afraid I’ll ruin this beautiful relationship we’ve worked so hard to have. I’ve been crying constantly and having sudden waves of anger, and he’s been dealing with it all, in a very loving way. Im afraid he’ll grow tired. He feels really sorry and tbh i believe him. Most of the things he lied were because he felt he would hurt me, but he lied about issues I’d told him triggered my insecurities... how can I regain trust? How can I stop my intrusive thoughts from making me question every single thing he says to me?",4.067894736842106,5.496630355731226,4.994462242562932,82.97164759725405,71.5296442687747,7.855960058248389,25.173496983565634,8.371475516178862,1.5410047430830036,1012,30,199,16,19,330,139,253,0.201,0.66,0.139,-0.9567,1,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,0,2,12,18,1,6,7,1,22,3,0,5,2,43,39,18,0,1,7,0,5,1,2,2,2,1,0,1,8,13,0,1,10,1,0,3,0,10,0,1,21,6,28,8,26,15,8,22,0,3,0,1,28,5,0,6,14,120,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808490397043132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490291451157935,0.0,0.09415534122110457,0.12466511036881542,0.11612076896284525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936030619925208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957377389757033,0.0,0.0,0.12243256378655247,0.12154426944255366,0.0,0.11407570449405954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560611800957013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283193356518082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322773491478116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189633454778784,0.0,0.2124834739722076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548822511198673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912102508672484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845354249110207,0.0,0.3585642614278939,0.3464708114085524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248184715983891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054058196621572616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407101379185907,0.0998663067250872,0.0,0.07386000169150175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832009418406961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497957517915584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562832783599174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257123706396292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239537723342928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088548006327433,0.0,0.0,0.3563913618333169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799363983021302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943607563025352,0.12386406451836646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925086895944513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470224190740476,0.07090030891061835,0.0,0.2635321751933091,0.06452113848369001,0.1271763582900369,0.0,0.10573119970164037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556641936361904,0.0,0.1825963376740776,0.0,0.08782913773511462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055480956021009,0.0,0.0,0.07860286995262905,0.0,0.0,0.14251046048874594 bpd,yeah_nvm,2020/03/10,"He left He broke up with me today as soon as I got home from work. I am blind-sighted, confused, in pain, and in disbelief. Things were going well. We've been working things out in couples therapy and less than 24 hours ago, we were making dinner and watching TV. He said he had fallen out of love with me three years ago and just now realized he didn't want to be with me for good. The relationship was damaged beyond repair. He gave up because it was too much to bear regardless if things improved and our issues were resolved. He then left to spend time with family for the next few days and suggested I start figuring out where to move in the meantime. He gave up. Plain and simple. I am being forced to let go. I am being forced to stop fighting for us. I am terrified to lose him. I don't want to stop fighting for us. But he's done with me and I don't understand why. I am now in our apartment, alone, ruminating in my very dark thoughts. I can't go to sleep and I don't know if I can go to work tomorrow. I am crushed. He has the comfort of his family and I don't. I have long distance friends, but aside from that, I am alone. He was everything to me. This can't be happening. Help.",1.1812195121951206,3.2776526016260163,2.8297138211382133,92.3010585365854,81.92682926829268,6.375024390243902,22.441626016260162,7.554174236665415,0.859556943089431,924,31,205,15,25,304,134,246,0.146,0.799,0.055,-0.9344,0,2,0,0,4,0,32.0,5,0,0,5,8,13,2,1,4,0,31,4,1,1,0,37,48,17,0,5,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,6,19,1,2,6,1,1,6,7,7,1,1,15,2,29,6,40,28,3,40,0,3,1,1,28,17,0,3,17,136,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21371838194706685,0.0,0.0,0.2497042931759159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348539745231765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338489599776268,0.0,0.07774396925020988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336322210432843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834144103225296,0.0,0.22728526075431102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313566311880267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27404252451764394,0.10111056982663402,0.09641384554198204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660085910635596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080128424704204,0.0,0.12092022247158185,0.0,0.11871623338041125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582157261842833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625043888609879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26195313329348385,0.12326926152709584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668184789995716,0.0,0.13486321303729534,0.0,0.0,0.10879995096263362,0.0,0.08046722488954056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812424063405553,0.08861719977159516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820496033401824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827236643057746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942424047552642,0.0,0.0,0.11466946405402145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063580614925475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532502378978614,0.0,0.0,0.201568301092793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378579984486507,0.0,0.2402616935113785,0.0,0.0,0.0957022399190734,0.07029294396961325,0.0,0.11426611703175732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549549730428142,0.2900106004177603,0.0,0.0,0.09946534139679723,0.14220554891885148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838780113235147,0.0,0.10877649426711594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26328277125783023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762944090603326 bpd,Uauauaauau378,2020/03/10,"Hello BPD's DAE have bad daily mood swings that can be triggered by silly things, feelings of emptiness a lot of the time and anger usually followed by the meh feeling or a very deep sadness? Also do these mood swings and feelings last like half an hour, hours or days? - Or does this depend on what triggered it and the circumstances? If anyone else here feels this way or wants to respond I would be really interested in seeing what you guys have to say!",9.097068965517241,7.372032701149429,8.08330459770115,75.84840517241382,61.06896551724138,10.539080459770117,35.543103448275865,8.841846274778883,2.9219448275862066,363,12,67,4,4,112,68,87,0.158,0.759,0.083,-0.8525,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,2,8,1,0,6,0,7,0,0,3,0,18,14,9,0,3,5,0,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,8,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,6,2,3,8,11,1,11,0,1,1,0,5,3,0,7,7,43,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765146567981395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658729005200952,0.2148040719384144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750431840410222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640380736529612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520241934608024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18346003961733426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751298615505251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42400728627250617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075795725213656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4129123357987581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708870606626144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242100129075096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17823101818297324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430270151037307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166716562184237,0.0,0.0,0.16705836262961365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927752232621832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224454423034901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308921936284881,0.1729774660031847,0.1236528983771573,0.1664048893881142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892440273640692,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fatwindmill,2020/03/10,"Could I have BPD? First of all, I just wanna say I really believe there is so much stigma surrounding borderline personality disorder; people who have it are painted out to be manipulative and uncontrollable. It’s really sad :( Living with someone who has this disorder (my sister) has really opened my eyes to how incredibly strong people with this disorder are, and how impulsive behaviour has so much stigma around it. I truly feel like there is such a lack of understanding around BPD, people usually have the dismissive attitude that people with this disorder are just seeking attention because they can’t comprehend the struggle they have to go through. I really admire this community, for the struggle they have to deal with, especially when people do not understand you. :) I know i shouldn’t trust the internet solely, but the fact I’m act risk of having BPD is a concern of mine (especially considering it runs in my family) i correspond with many of the symptoms (lack of identity, chronic numbness, impulsive behaviour, bad habits, severe mood swings) but I am also aware that because of my age (not even 16 yet) this could be the effects of puberty. I’m so scared to talk to it with anyone else, because I’m worried they’ll think I’m being ridiculous and this is all just the effects of me growing into myself, I’m just being stupid and petty. I feel like everyone around me secretly hates me, and I really don’t feel like I deserve anything. It makes it hard to leave my house and has been the cause of impulsive, rash coping mechanisms. I don’t know if this could just be me growing into myself, but did you know you had BPD before a proper diagnosis? I’ve always felt so out of place, like I didn’t belong anywhere. I don’t even feel like a person sometimes, I get so numb. It’s really hard to deal with but I feel like I’m faking it at the same time. Replies would really be appreciated, and remember, you are incredible, strong, and I truly admire you for having to cope with the added weight of having this disorder, even if other fail to see your struggle on a daily basis. I feel like my battles with mental health have forced me to grow up a hell of a lot more, however I still just feel like a lost child. It gets really hard sometimes.",6.9849882352941215,7.320161287058822,7.726588235294117,69.94564705882354,64.36470588235295,11.317647058823535,32.76470588235294,11.044913438933486,3.7969294117647054,1797,67,312,48,25,601,196,425,0.20800000000000002,0.6779999999999999,0.114,-0.9911,1,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,0,6,4,7,26,32,5,6,19,0,43,8,2,7,3,76,70,23,0,10,14,1,12,8,0,3,5,1,0,3,23,25,1,0,19,0,0,6,8,18,0,1,6,15,44,13,48,52,9,27,1,3,2,0,21,14,1,3,15,225,67,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05124630699499325,0.05332131041684803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044807584813580825,0.06565952388005876,0.052733979293238094,0.17113954739488232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05350574604506662,0.11719127375191997,0.0,0.054529013986082966,0.07219840593975775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228358577342395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582980806859702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349265225961956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213133965966775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672172947510257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05353224090595873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697655775872166,0.0,0.0,0.06123304310221949,0.0,0.0,0.06041075310261047,0.0,0.22681229225507096,0.3204610722476339,0.06152871506690971,0.0,0.0,0.054508068330593816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696034109695152,0.0,0.03641924521042102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17221450296408874,0.06326765219435031,0.0,0.06811610924096458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394195889187592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565328063610792,0.0,0.0,0.06785352537189751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504576051797628,0.0,0.05658553006907021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995301113876097,0.054480176697522364,0.0,0.0,0.04277519483244418,0.06496903256177633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457952672608856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421520354253776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22213175446617786,0.11190776246442856,0.06695199171990909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32842027089709885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259234985833357,0.0,0.0,0.05096053346267872,0.0641572045415594,0.0,0.051065012182764886,0.0,0.0,0.07239435585638412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05429642269984135,0.0,0.1267573612124842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511759227874286,0.0,0.0,0.20097708280978185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660567574373237,0.0,0.051506638734279936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041061121823412115,0.0,0.0,0.037366696537301916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342312612753912,0.0,0.0,0.0705772072403516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803454330063858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507832414718613,0.0,0.04552197399962743,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LostInTheWorldPrt2,2020/03/10,How to deal with the suicide ideas when facing a problem or stress? Hello people. I would like to know how to cope with the ideas of suicide when having a problem or a stressful situation.,4.195,6.232968500000003,4.823333333333338,81.855,72.33333333333334,5.911111111111111,28.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,1.4689,150,6,26,1,3,48,24,36,0.4270000000000001,0.521,0.052000000000000005,-0.9584,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,5,0,2,1,1,2,0,12,3,6,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,20,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21663948488535348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.474432638448995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548444828914793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026611224701093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568083238445112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021407530637816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23620002847544386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4814168136924021,0.0,0.0,0.459706163469059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149273548934644,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CoLL3y,2020/03/10,"Advice on husband with BPD! Okay, so my husband(27)and I(26) have been together since we were 17. Married for 2 and a half years and have three kids. Two months after we got married my husband tries to take his own life. I was the one that found him in the morning and cannot bring myself to sleep before him, as the thought of weakening up to seeing him like that is terrifying. He stayed in hospital for a while and then lived with his parents to get better. I stayed with the kids, done school runs etc. During this time he was diagnosed with BPD, Depression, anxiety and OCD. I myself suffer from anxiety and I’m on medication for panic attacks. It was months before he came back home and only then it was part time. It took just over a year for him to stay at home full time (excluding weekends when he goes to his parents for a break) I understood this and have him as much space as he needed. My uncle was bipolar and committed suicide, so I know first hand what it does to family/ loved ones and the person suffering. I know it can’t be easy, and I’m not pretending it’s not. What I need advice on his, how do I try and get him to “want” me again? We don’t have a sex life, he pulls away every time I give him a kiss. He won’t even cuddle me. For the last two years I never pushed the subject as he told me “it’s not you. I’m just not ready” I respected this, as much as it hurt. How do I stop being so lonely? I’ve even asked if we can just cuddle in bed, nothing sexual, just a cuddle. I’m so hurt and upset by being ignored. I clean, cook, look after the kids, give him his meds, take him to appointments, make his appointments. The list can go on. I’m so emotionally and physically drained. I’ve been asking for more help around the house (he doesn’t even clean up after himself. Just leaves his rubbish by his computer) and that gets me no where either. I’ve tried speaking with him about everything but it gets me no where. Then it builds up and we get into an argument about his lack of respect for me and the home we share with our kids. I asked him if he ever thinks he will be able to be back to himself in terms of affection. His answer was “I don’t know. Probably not” Now don’t get me wrong, I love this man to death. I’ve read books on BPD, researched it, spoke to one of my neighbours who has it. (I know not everyone is text book) and I’m at a loss! Does anyone have any tips on how to get him away from his computer (that he’s on 24/7) and maybe involve himself in our life? He worked before the suicide attempt and has been on sick ever since. He doesn’t think he will manage to go back to work. That’s fair enough, I don’t mind finding a job etc. He says he doesn’t think it’s a great idea for me to get one because he won’t cope with the kids either. I. Could. Pull. My. Fucking. Hair. Out I am so sorry if this causes anyone offence, it’s not my intention. I’m honestly just looking for ways to feel loved again. So if people with BPD have any suggestions for what worked in their relationship, please share! And sorry for typos, I’m using my shitty ass phone!",1.9999393530997336,3.754408526729563,3.3295372866127586,91.41976415094341,77.72641509433961,6.5554357592093435,21.420035938903855,7.447530270364453,0.5879394429469902,2397,64,528,32,56,781,273,636,0.133,0.773,0.094,-0.9679,3,2,0,0,0,2,86.0,8,1,1,7,34,26,2,2,24,1,45,21,4,8,4,93,99,47,3,9,20,4,3,1,1,4,7,3,6,7,28,39,1,2,14,6,0,9,21,13,0,9,19,9,73,13,82,70,13,74,0,7,3,10,86,29,2,4,32,343,101,12,0.06295789167260488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304344619042687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562705051093654,0.0,0.09632522961243062,0.0,0.0,0.0880432434027585,0.0,0.0,0.056045871436773115,0.17657139006967768,0.0716236906739318,0.11830202334694895,0.14523219761251085,0.0,0.03837854640959626,0.0,0.16071758623667234,0.0,0.0,0.055681138965620096,0.0,0.0,0.3171730424646657,0.0,0.0,0.07200705589974557,0.0,0.06467509729718438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050266753570304266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054225539844512206,0.06390093479448544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018975053688324,0.06442778169418445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081915423112874,0.0,0.0650523318030729,0.14042938276405173,0.1247492810392132,0.11389803485038455,0.053044739085772015,0.06015896349434902,0.056582493487047435,0.0,0.0593510971600617,0.0,0.03183340170265465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754237241038512,0.05355195049466384,0.0,0.06903007862897062,0.0,0.0582035563613724,0.2631431992622724,0.12078989295522335,0.07156084140544859,0.0,0.050353177283440034,0.06941129782992925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04219934769274734,0.0,0.18945569586102626,0.0,0.0,0.07264495410184481,0.13479545032322135,0.07107179643745838,0.0,0.0,0.06247599292300945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840004308861895,0.05131908459103908,0.0,0.06666331687936164,0.0,0.0,0.13340706232324864,0.030758045745290768,0.0,0.05559297178895549,0.0,0.1057375453095848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704658658241851,0.0,0.04202488156750457,0.0,0.06324966430092259,0.0,0.06993202480755191,0.06342345235401657,0.0,0.0,0.06356952331185475,0.0,0.10050477695950097,0.0,0.09256258881444926,0.09336495787737553,0.04855700728882127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060409795043592535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17064758704160066,0.04788231360826832,0.0,0.07386752084224896,0.13981457627654034,0.06817726147967525,0.0,0.04364707494794464,0.0549724026094321,0.0,0.0691088591564798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787925556681212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297492897221461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759321432315503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05006664240279637,0.0,0.06371674753409709,0.05016928847735302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415883716095978,0.0,0.06300335910903086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095241057794394,0.0,0.20131420712688386,0.0,0.05263561650607393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773143002104152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946729986630122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102262456667605,0.0,0.04998153352330593,0.14684501171299674,0.0,0.0,0.06015896349434902,0.06994853416952068,0.12823282734345434,0.0,0.12300142404935972,0.0,0.0,0.054375404327247134,0.0,0.0,0.0371341956912293,0.04997304396107158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375022848875817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883457124858301,0.0,0.12162845424479267 bpd,MonarchCrew,2020/03/10,"Diagnosed Bipolar 2, it has always felt off and after reading about BPD it seems exactly like me. How do I even bring this up? Psychologist said I had Bipolar 2, and we agreed to try lifestyle changes before medication with the understanding I’d almost definitely need medication eventually. Lifestyle changes like consistent sleep schedules and good sleep hours, scheduled meals, mood tracking, etc. Starting doing a lot better but it never felt quite right. Came across BPD and every single thing I’ve seen is like I wrote it myself. I’ve never felt so understood before. But also scared. When I brought up how my mood shifted drastically within a moment, my therapist suggested scheduled exercise (which does help for me actually). But I’m not getting “better” and looking back through stuff I’ve written, it’s scary how fast I go from ok to fully suicidal. I don’t know what to do. It’s like within a few minutes. How do I ask my therapist if my internet knowledge is better than her professional knowledge? I feel like she’ll fire me as a patient. She’s never acted like she would but I just feel it. It was also a huge deal for me to accept and acknowledge a Bipolar diagnosis. My friends supported me a lot and gave me resources. Like what if after all these months I tell them it might actually not be and they all hate me for being a faker? Or a liar? I could just not tell anyone but accepting Bipolar was so hard and scary and I felt so alone. I don’t want everyone to think I’m just making things up for their attention. Idk, maybe I’m just nuts and making everything up to myself. I’m not a doctor or anything so it’s not like I can diagnose myself but BPD really is spot on for my entire life since puberty. Even someone on my blog asked if I had it because of my posts when I suddenly drop or feel like my boyfriend is going to leave me or like I suddenly am worthless and need to disappear. But they’re not a doctor either so??? Idk. Everything is confusing and I want to hide. Can I just pretend to be normal and have everything turn out ok? :(",3.155711451996826,5.528944103015075,4.623380058185671,80.57003967204444,76.56281407035176,7.807564136471832,27.30785506479768,8.6894789155246,2.353235175879397,1635,67,299,36,38,544,201,398,0.14300000000000002,0.6890000000000001,0.168,0.8122,0,1,0,0,0,0,42.0,1,0,3,4,22,27,2,2,12,2,27,15,2,6,6,87,67,42,1,10,26,0,9,10,1,3,12,1,0,0,19,18,1,0,18,4,0,7,11,5,0,0,16,12,47,20,35,44,8,40,0,1,2,0,19,13,0,13,28,205,66,4,0.0,0.0,0.14926890327732115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658470273370897,0.07921128041936654,0.0,0.12232370228247424,0.06363834277247678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05347731364592447,0.0,0.06293737013933941,0.0,0.14299887559355376,0.0,0.0,0.0588091902951392,0.0,0.0466221253170313,0.0,0.13015944491848286,0.0,0.0,0.20292376456454886,0.0,0.0,0.28897553548186794,0.0,0.0,0.08747392222830498,0.0,0.0,0.1618135750061161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610638782204912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884858247586883,0.0,0.15525326874386364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15656314761772658,0.06692906374508298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529656401710302,0.10102999649417828,0.0,0.06443856540767061,0.07308090059072554,0.20620865162133567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601331855633785,0.10927612458722943,0.29373512610003993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059089053171783326,0.0,0.039958180937197406,0.0,0.08693186240536731,0.06414865838335478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851197944651115,0.07550918207519758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051263621488705016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531840748930868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04203197330544757,0.0,0.0,0.0809823665656456,0.0,0.0,0.054020812491014585,0.3736476749117745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642248019964886,0.0,0.0,0.13004287148526444,0.0,0.0,0.10210336128747656,0.0,0.0768354732309622,0.0,0.0,0.15409318071245995,0.0,0.08113428541537111,0.0,0.0,0.06104642755821647,0.0,0.0,0.11341942761255665,0.17696065306996933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749351698151316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324768433131396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134698842019561,0.07650172570474438,0.0,0.048995705491362535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531438075450201,0.07275097241778328,0.0,0.07657085210436976,0.0,0.0,0.06962545624044769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326589739965101,0.0,0.15307252507305488,0.0,0.06480212755611506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541336658672535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755248010988488,0.0836578321909727,0.08678976520023375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369558050917968,0.0,0.0,0.1776007385442814,0.10162119434261717,0.0490059551198703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05192559824403087,0.08318939731085365,0.0,0.07961944828344725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022098474426657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054329928548656106,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,caroline13151,2020/03/10,"DAE get super freaked out during an episode? i’ve been diagnosed with bpd for almost two years now, and i never noticed i did this until my current bf pointed it out but sometimes when i’m having a breakdown, if i hear one small noise or see headlights in my window, i get so scared and feel like someone’s coming to get me, i don’t normally jump at noises but sometimes i literally try to hide bc i’m so freaked out. is this a symptom of bpd?",3.0599068322981395,4.316988282608698,4.542236024844723,85.9058695652174,73.78260869565217,6.561490683229812,29.447204968944106,6.868970318607317,1.5445509316770178,350,15,71,3,7,117,69,92,0.132,0.8059999999999999,0.063,-0.7369,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,3,0,5,2,0,0,1,15,14,10,0,2,4,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,2,2,3,9,2,11,12,0,15,0,0,1,0,2,7,0,3,7,44,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19188267854459604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4826847294811314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650661816008015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19449323426220091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689030801551693,0.1368954552169422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30034520658748776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21597296211462635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361728143455247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477914121924726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18774978015280272,0.0,0.21816396907927554,0.0,0.0,0.12984865256472586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811456012135019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918479758459856,0.0,0.1526986609503532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236148169290854,0.0,0.37903994330739377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991695891770308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009938695903167,0.0,0.1871877528799544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339888047262873 bpd,uhhhangela,2020/03/10,Relationships Is it possible to be in a happy and loving lasting relationship when you have BPD? I feel like I have so many problems that I can’t get ahold of and I’m self aware of all of them but not sure how to fix them. I’m going to call about therapy tomorrow. My boyfriend of a year (my longest relationship) whom is the father of our daughter left me today because I took things too far like I tend to do and then realized right after. He wants a break and to return to things when I get help but will I ever be able to be in a functioning relationship without all these issues? I feel really abusive and toxic and don’t want to be this way anymore I want help,2.396362530413626,4.225722401459855,4.280018248175185,84.71131690997571,76.81021897810221,7.486374695863748,24.55535279805353,8.344100000000001,1.5486841849148414,527,18,109,10,12,179,86,137,0.076,0.78,0.14400000000000002,0.7571,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,1,2,0,7,6,0,0,5,0,12,1,0,1,4,22,25,13,0,4,4,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,2,16,5,18,19,2,19,0,0,0,1,17,5,0,0,12,76,23,0,0.13752608869579025,0.1629459266720674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363889256238158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383462719794822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732092943833824,0.0,0.14042951289691225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440022074251032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13907464528241145,0.0982486652432844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370341032712972,0.0,0.0781592454957753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639907870389682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18436167665451125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354150619883227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112102117649614,0.0,0.0,0.14942249776388086,0.0,0.0,0.13437660045139868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412266442494098,0.0,0.0,0.1394298683643749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504000132996934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159389357789775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810273397528574,0.0,0.0,0.5906062062294066,0.0,0.11744652831642262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346970383517402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961671104137604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572730679411118,0.0,0.1827324448465541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303586515801361,0.0,0.1527965447820721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433493508726101,0.10916180789420332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257024187282213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856229215015551 bpd,piggozz,2020/03/10,"Am I the problem in every troubled relationship? I got out of a four year relationship because I found myself unhappy and constantly fighting with my so, and then got into another one that seemed absolutely perfect at first, but now after four months experiencing kind of the same issues as with the previous one. It must be me right? If I have BPD is it impossible for me to ever be happy or even satisfied with another person?",8.954367088607594,8.304507696202531,10.036550632911393,58.282420886075975,60.64556962025317,13.469620253164553,40.003164556962034,12.602617957971056,5.471756962025317,344,16,55,11,4,120,62,79,0.087,0.7759999999999999,0.13699999999999998,0.8067,0,0,0,0,3,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,1,0,4,0,6,0,0,0,3,17,10,8,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,3,1,8,3,13,4,1,13,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,3,8,50,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962241335714065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517142119374088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237953710356422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20416877614753293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247880507410348,0.17090014828718225,0.15918367314276313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16070578026439047,0.0,0.20715459559005905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30221295655450464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011220246255807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19719631161685755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19674399315815602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080401789645895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25605093159481257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496846095712794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078276543174396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40568532604477975,0.0,0.16134721454101453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17199693690381046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166625405305463 bpd,throwbpdaway-,2020/03/10,"Is it possible my FP ""triggered"" my BPD or am I a fake? So I used to have a lot of bpd symptoms before I met my FP but they were much more closed off and much less severe. Like I wouldn't have panic attacks or be anxious but I would get irrationally irritated at people closest to me and I think my worst symptom was creating personalities, but I feel like I kept myself 'mentally stable' for a LONG time because I had this picture of perfection in my head which included being mentally stable so I wouldn't allow myself to be irrational. Well, that all changed when I met my FP because I went CRAZY. Everything got exaggerated. I had black and white thinking even before, but I've stayed up countless nights and cried if they couldn't talk for a night, I cried almost every day, I disassociated a bunch of times and I just had a million symptoms. The worst part is that it makes me anxious that my FP is harmful to me but I know that they're the best person out there and I'd never ever want to not have them. So i don't know, I'm really hoping someone can relate or have some words of advice. As a plus, my FP is the only one I ever showed my irrationality to and it was an absolutely steep slippery slope because nobody else could see me as 'imperfect'.",4.567173658307944,5.433572223107571,6.011263182563863,78.26236934614488,69.79681274900398,8.615045699554724,28.70892898992266,8.841846274778883,2.1853719709397703,992,35,194,17,17,337,144,251,0.184,0.677,0.138,-0.8985,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,3,2,10,12,1,1,11,0,25,4,1,4,5,47,42,23,0,8,11,0,1,2,0,3,3,0,0,2,9,10,0,1,5,1,0,1,6,6,1,2,11,4,37,6,20,23,12,19,0,0,3,0,8,7,0,8,12,144,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076875884726745,0.0,0.0,0.1103508407368944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24899255789297164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253700666714355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015333562198744,0.0,0.1875466465743697,0.0,0.11564963035648428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27758975491226473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657852943984826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879868963351162,0.0,0.24210225196627624,0.07107082310249001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205917668056716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278702309221681,0.19936705423273215,0.09284948057239052,0.0,0.09904196382732687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05572116790252129,0.07872794298490313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057575712947121785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813817235253267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309848812495127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945491237795298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112767763072604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767773091518863,0.0,0.0,0.09752482171244596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936893380009328,0.0,0.0,0.07356032835508174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22211429823266127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620215018488538,0.0,0.08499415743428795,0.0,0.0,0.20683320450895498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467535937976899,0.08381317400662854,0.0,0.12929766569843856,0.0,0.11933743900596973,0.0,0.07639981470863477,0.19244732337541706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242355848281557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059787529983254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781629349286578,0.0,0.0,0.12449627894648582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093373336999443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746009051811553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436245279919697,0.0,0.08857575687502038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122528796372602,0.0,0.0,0.128518711725132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517867624035148,0.0,0.0,0.06499967462991926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908434461267772,0.10215785481020412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828395330286674,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PepperoniSapphire,2020/03/10,"I'm so tired of being ignored This is all probably very distorted but oh well. I'm so tired of being ignored. Being alone and just suffering. I got upset earlier as I realized a friend and I were drifting and that I didn't matter much to them. I got stuck in a really bad loop. I set my status to do not disturb as well as had a sad status. No one came and checked on. Even went and said some sad shit and no one noticed. I said something about self harm then people noticed. I just I feel so broken. That I'll never be good enough for anyone. Good enough to have someone close who cares for me as much as I care for them. Good enough that people might check in with me. I just want someone to be there for me. But knowing me and having this disorder it won't happen. I just find myself disillusioned with people so much. I cant trust my thoughts on who's a good person, who should I trust, and not putting people on stepstools. And I just push people away. May some day I'll get lucky, but I doubt it. Just hurts caring so much. But never having it come back to you",0.5304524886877822,2.8276435158371065,2.194683257918552,94.46722850678735,86.69230769230771,4.847963800904979,18.002262443438912,6.297961479604792,-0.18425248868778246,831,21,180,8,26,271,117,221,0.318,0.5489999999999999,0.133,-0.9947,0,1,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,2,0,18,25,1,3,4,0,18,3,1,0,3,45,37,24,0,2,12,0,1,0,1,4,2,2,0,2,11,14,0,2,5,0,2,6,9,12,2,2,11,3,26,13,25,17,10,19,0,4,0,0,11,7,1,6,5,132,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371803290640963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002237240844161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408772343355848,0.07700384972869667,0.08361529172229769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453700907364535,0.3063076433684638,0.0,0.0,0.08626439913917162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645840042108326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477264965231178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104237254900741,0.0,0.06614356216337394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0506353519679845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152896405129443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737029787718487,0.0,0.0523206278623826,0.0,0.0,0.33598106864992033,0.16018714419959007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855619798939815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072052420685864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550360197100145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062359860868007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944667558601889,0.0,0.1544730392024939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280271285605257,0.0,0.0,0.1357190901721657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34713302445743216,0.0874410777916398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797118162410138,0.0,0.0,0.10067145859770577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415422358434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19051800984032846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447107645947422,0.0,0.10279543609238756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970181930368666,0.07709503820750963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950242218823762,0.0,0.2301994856238061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262853169907212,0.05906698525142561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18008131748986506,0.0928336416720168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BriNeedsSleep,2020/03/10,"DAE ever feel like the responsible thing to do is to is to accept being alone? Does anybody else ever come across things that remind you of or just like, remember the 'reasons' you don't 'deserve' nice things? Like... I'm in DBT, my life is picking up well, I feel like I have a purpose and a goal and I feel like I have the capability and worth to achieve them but... I made a friend. A good friend, and she's very sweet, and I enjoy her company, and all was well, and then there are those insecurities that make me start feeling shame, creeping in. Compounding this is whenever I see something about BPD online, *most* of the time it's just a piece, a video, a post about how I'm a monster for having BDP. And you know, I've had some really dark moments in my life that really weigh me down at times, and then seeing things like this just kind of, I don't know, affirms? them, I guess. Those thoughts that like, at the end of the day, I'm some kind of monster that developed a conscious. Like I'm some kind of demon that developed morals and therefor has a responsibility to act as such. That I'm a terrible person, I just know better, and so while I can act better, putting myself in any situation wherein I might slip from that is not only dangerous, but immoral. Which makes me feel like I should just be... alone. Like maybe other 'normal' people deserve friends, romance, close circles, but I don't, and I should be responsible, own that, continue on with my life and accept that as a piece of it. And then I think of my new friend, I've known her for a couple months now, and she's the first close friends I've had in a long while, because I lost everyone after some bad things happened last summer. And so I really want to keep her as a friend, but I feel almost obligated to accept that while maybe other people deserve friends, a terrible thing like me doesn't - because at the end of the day, I'm not like other people, just good inside. I'm just some demon with morals. And that makes me want to pull back from her hard. And most of what I see when BPD pops up just reinforces that that's what's best. Has anyone else ever felt like this? Like maybe I can do something with my life, something good even, and maybe I'm worth enough to do that - but interpersonal happiness, friends, romance? Leave those to the people that deserve them. And maybe that will leave a piece of me perpetually empty no matter how much better I get, but maybe that's the most responsible thing to do. I'm sorry I guess this was like, 1/3 DAE, 1/3 Perspective Asking, and 1/3 Venting. But does anyone else ever feel this way, and how do you handle it?",4.830616515837104,5.501361932692312,5.328936651583714,84.09723981900454,69.09615384615385,8.194570135746607,26.64027149321268,8.219915518859313,1.4921764705882352,2055,59,424,27,34,659,203,520,0.067,0.6890000000000001,0.244,0.9984,0,2,3,0,0,0,83.0,0,4,3,8,27,51,1,2,28,0,33,5,0,10,5,99,73,45,0,5,18,0,9,15,8,4,4,0,0,1,42,28,1,1,20,1,2,5,7,7,2,1,8,13,48,44,48,58,16,51,4,1,3,0,23,15,0,13,44,280,90,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05555209434231239,0.11491465960591067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03772618936796948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758146644928428,0.11368526489811648,0.0,0.0,0.05186340577333838,0.0,0.0,0.04265830604357243,0.04632088806961437,0.06763639765127291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05821957615651398,0.14719440973197426,0.0,0.0,0.13974240839825147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04778843073572075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138412650099793,0.0,0.07155601250721258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970964051747368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390314754437021,0.0,0.09827212090134298,0.05732245998867513,0.0,0.03664196436305913,0.20072810196148827,0.0,0.05301054831215278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19635548663335572,0.15853081270132288,0.05326651685747879,0.0,0.0,0.047188616525516654,0.0,0.0,0.34289047699882336,0.0,0.02898438667169162,0.0,0.0,0.13959415634878616,0.0,0.0,0.12222810349083588,0.0,0.0490580329320748,0.059056183786781985,0.04969639901880744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049310411173377186,0.0,0.1733119399606863,0.09146594802006218,0.045221071890712936,0.0,0.1174840381155736,0.0,0.0,0.15673987962759695,0.40654811234936783,0.0,0.0,0.04909530421616128,0.0,0.0,0.06055958170103486,0.0,0.0,0.052493577175893306,0.11109376983477927,0.0,0.33440397145138184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05885221613332644,0.0,0.0,0.04428112641197874,0.0,0.0407818993316533,0.0,0.0,0.05357992859457412,0.0,0.0,0.05435557591183441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0421926767250102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538427686128278,0.04844028279569925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053131527904175836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05576959990759217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661975394570453,0.05703948528080152,0.0,0.0,0.06284450476900119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326237024112726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06235835169996162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812646689291124,0.0,0.0621018393323745,0.03926683013720491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25799467659031106,0.035547352734659074,0.0,0.04404245591434725,0.06469804444471246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04577424642493525,0.06544341725261793,0.044034975128063175,0.0,0.0,0.09976077795172354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Arigyrl,2020/03/10,"Slowly becoming mute I find myself shutting down more and more, until I don’t even want to talk because of the fear of not saying something stupid or to serious. I rather just shut up and no longer speak.",7.763249999999997,6.6802248250000025,7.255000000000003,78.67000000000004,63.25,10.0,32.5,8.841846274778883,2.5234999999999994,163,5,31,2,2,51,34,40,0.16,0.742,0.098,-0.3867,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,2,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,7,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,23,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24194277912431975,0.4383380242298066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621446143918331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4466158726214162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627537465799924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156258831451531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055482408478791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190082056391983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340982488027709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,daxotaa,2020/03/10,"How do I get into treatment that’s right for me? I want to preface this post by saying that I have no intention of self diagnosing myself, nor do I have any intention of specifically seeking out a diagnosis for BPD. I started looking into BPD a little over a week ago when I posted a vent on another app and received a PM from someone I don’t know suggesting that I look into BPD because they believed that what I was describing sounded like it. Since looking into it, I’ve connected with everything I’ve read about it, and can identify all of the symptoms within myself going back for a very long time. My history with therapy is a very short one, I started seeing a therapist in September of last year for issues with anxiety. I felt as though this treatment was not helping me make any progress, and will start seeing a new therapist in a few weeks. (Nothing against my former therapist, but she is no longer practicing). I’ve known that I have some sort of mental health issue since I was able to critically self reflect (around middle school). However, I have never received a formal diagnosis; in part because I did not open up to my parents about my issues and wanting help until last year. My first goal when I begin seeing my new therapist is to get a diagnosis. I need to be in the right treatment but I can’t get when I need it I don’t know what’s wrong. I know BPD is very often misdiagnosed or not identified. I just want some advice on how to go about getting a therapist to at least take BPD into consideration. I trust a professionals opinion more than my own, but I just want to make sure this isn’t overlooked. Would it be inappropriate for me to just ask them to consider it? I want to be a better person and not let my mental health define me, but if I end up in the wrong treatment again I feel like nothing will change. (Sorry this was so long)",6.345654272667971,6.3223925726027455,7.288297455968689,73.76648401826485,65.73972602739727,10.349641226353556,33.81930854533594,10.07000556051586,3.3428760600130456,1479,60,275,31,21,498,180,365,0.049,0.87,0.081,0.8725,2,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,2,4,17,7,0,0,18,0,27,4,0,6,3,59,59,21,0,9,13,1,2,2,0,3,4,2,0,3,17,16,0,0,8,1,0,4,12,2,0,2,6,10,44,5,52,46,8,57,0,0,6,0,14,25,0,7,28,200,61,4,0.06918435859485032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676061545092116,0.06132775954900423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940954725544876,0.07254583228205153,0.05292584495914367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061588747085217624,0.06467803608427464,0.0,0.0,0.05319850126384423,0.0,0.08434828570684108,0.0,0.0,0.07794708057371985,0.0,0.06118794296987879,0.0,0.0,0.4356763886846343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318787787477431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022066765446551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612768067094693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062178440471856826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034981690462940106,0.04942531960384956,0.0664278338072952,0.0,0.0,0.05884818007793372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458388754684898,0.0,0.07863813068724583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707947595973153,0.0,0.0,0.0927456344448774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21663148713707867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406574246932982,0.11278897233627788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707456940469393,0.0,0.06759996594501469,0.06934090269518793,0.0,0.1224519605032843,0.17429231008113766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236219317482287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394431222576106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259865053251373,0.05335924242876695,0.13363736929186462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276851596845715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04688111188914418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682104280274259,0.07491991839169496,0.0,0.0,0.06040911335991181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251898242153295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920308086483704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181661284461782,0.0,0.05501817881144888,0.0,0.07001826447461355,0.16539292941297798,0.0,0.14434874912476856,0.0,0.0,0.11446003272219026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861968252568715,0.0,0.0,0.07744622524007062,0.14690713531012356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520543921239401,0.07190903879783342,0.05201802756366525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911834352984988,0.4016418635629703,0.0,0.0,0.06797328105126557,0.0,0.040341955862531115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17125302423878236,0.20403363602082455,0.0,0.11099103865721964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04914658334956093,0.1512844707618114,0.0,0.08910491727357342 bpd,Truan,2020/03/10,"I cant even be around a ""potential"" partner without getting triggered these days I feel like I'm losing my mind, and I'm not even asking for it. I'm trying to just focus on myself and find happiness through friends and not a partner, but I cant even talk to a cute girl without feeling crazy. Like, we didnt even exchange many words. I have no idea if shes even single. I just mentioned that I liked her necklace while I was waiting for my Lyft, and we had a really brief conversation about wasteland weekend. And that was it. Yet I'm sitting here replaying the event, reading into whether or not her standing near me meant she even wanted to have a conversation or not, if she even found me attractive, etc. A basic fucking human interaction is setting me off, desperate for a relationship while trying to convince myself no one will love me or find me attractive so obviously I'm reading into it. I dont know how to turn this off. I want to just see it as an introduction and let it go, but all I can do is sit here and convince myself I'm just a piece of shit that wouldnt have a chance anyways. I just want to be normal.",4.5616886930983815,5.245444845814983,5.698784140969162,81.15924816446405,69.70484581497797,8.344082232011749,31.43289280469897,8.447377352677275,2.3277602936857558,888,37,177,13,15,296,124,227,0.092,0.746,0.162,0.9449,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,2,0,0,1,20,14,2,0,11,0,20,3,1,2,2,51,42,20,0,7,19,0,2,3,3,2,0,0,0,4,10,12,0,1,8,3,1,2,13,3,0,1,6,3,28,11,23,31,4,19,0,1,1,2,20,7,2,5,9,137,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179209296911882,0.11739957971524798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098818106122463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717786163714974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005397909875664,0.5806070400534624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699321150465712,0.08971379002947999,0.0,0.0,0.2295541877129141,0.0,0.0,0.13769108713852804,0.09702216159875897,0.11609592673073656,0.0656099375430932,0.0,0.07136954096941132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368137037615854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176360668745971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901503218371476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841321800421115,0.0,0.184054929722256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049097854536802,0.0,0.0,0.11334011130375035,0.0,0.0,0.1273175763080871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679917142690075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230409316950428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509570119286915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25122632350636576,0.0,0.0804492372217971,0.0,0.0,0.13482504073864368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007034626951833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289052218462702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093578661786784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705200375879556,0.13659408496075276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22220955891803185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24210769304774224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mozemann,2020/03/10,"Been having a real hard week (pretty sure I’m falling out with like multiple friends) but Tame Impala’s new album, “The Slow Rush” is really helping! Really feeling every song on this album right now",8.06027027027027,7.8673513783783795,8.527702702702705,66.87371621621624,62.24324324324325,10.643243243243244,32.013513513513516,10.125756701596842,3.4187405405405404,159,5,24,3,2,53,35,37,0.062,0.7,0.23800000000000002,0.7915,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,3,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,5,11,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635672672089927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817294678682406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416866385513901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28022838620870505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20967897931206605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15282974714357553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021268586794975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31825393319279505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35606159702223983,0.4008054530586384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671495359339971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29483242033943285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509281200967328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rickaswellasmorty,2020/03/10,I guess that’s the catch I have no consistent sense of drive for my future. I just invested so much money into a business I wanted to start and now I don’t even want to start it. My girlfriend is going to kill me. Why the fuck can’t I function. Why can’t I ever move on past feeling like I’m on the brink of changing my life? What do you do to stay on the life path you’re on and not spiral?,-0.2702020202020208,1.4854367272727274,2.168787878787878,96.92873737373738,85.13636363636364,4.8202020202020215,17.732323232323235,5.82211442006289,-0.51845101010101,304,7,74,2,9,104,59,88,0.128,0.809,0.063,-0.8156,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,1,0,0,5,3,2,0,5,0,7,3,0,0,1,10,16,3,1,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,2,4,5,2,0,0,0,1,12,1,12,16,1,17,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,1,7,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404311424012721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150115696244729,0.20558695000130786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491913750420805,0.16236822819530594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101158575261121,0.0,0.0,0.12916794520115296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25037354267362444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514506402596474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32106788717000107,0.11103708367016983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415617053928212,0.16707628312977474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169636097550593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217386211593325,0.24224927081790865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681101932246644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41016805768810494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Byeabusers,2020/03/10,"Everywhere is a white supremacist hell and I am finally ready to die No matter where I go or what I do. From a trans subreddit. Everywhere. Poc are always just uppity and causing problems. I'm finally done and so happy and at peace with it. I'm going to be slitting my wrists in the bath tonight. This world isn't for me. Its for white people. This liberal hegemony is unbreakable.",1.4918918918918926,4.197063594594596,3.720324324324324,81.56994594594597,88.72972972972973,8.365405405405406,24.967567567567574,8.841846274778883,2.7810637837837837,302,13,56,10,10,103,57,74,0.16,0.6809999999999999,0.159,-0.2637,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,3,0,8,1,1,1,0,10,12,6,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,2,5,1,8,10,0,9,1,0,2,0,0,4,1,1,3,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354095346935989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906336015609388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936230877217209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895222275170498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6198432962117769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215764016995474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30117031352530577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961389641430602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707132759150093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ezpxe,2020/03/10,I just cant convince myself I could actually have talent No matter how many times people tell me my music is actually good I just cant hear it. I really want to but when I hear my on stuff it just actually sounds bad to me I guess. Like crazy perfectionism that makes it so I give up before I even get anywhere.,1.0383956043956069,3.265848092307692,3.825274725274728,84.17615384615384,83.46153846153845,6.791208791208793,18.516483516483518,7.957251820313856,0.7472637362637359,246,6,52,5,7,87,46,65,0.159,0.66,0.182,-0.1087,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,10,12,4,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,13,4,4,11,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,36,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.5899844637370756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826680392342122,0.0,0.0,0.17148481392644213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090308007730114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310682264082913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052896503537774,0.19332326476505024,0.0,0.16903146373111808,0.0,0.0,0.22200494400187934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4542716281432263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845601607539532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345209786551639,0.20431696165789198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971359390987206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910349217673964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307004423665936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761436656461087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751213774708028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886597081618278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,snail-with-a-plan,2020/03/10,"I have BPD- How can I help someone I know is bipolar and hypomanic? My now ex girlfriend broke up with me a week ago completely out of the blue. She literally changed over night and I don’t know what happened, but I’m convinced she’s hypomanic. She is bipolar type II and a few weeks ago she was in another depressive episode. She thinks she is in love with someone else that she started talking to the last time she was hypomanic, and started “seeing” her 2 days after she broke up with me. Keep in mind she spent the night at my house two nights before she broke up with me, and all was well. On top of it all, I don’t trust the girl she’s “seeing” at all, and I’m scared that she’ll manipulate my ex and turn her against me for no reason. I know my ex really really well, we dated for almost a year and a half and there were very few things I knew about her and this really isn’t her typical behavior. Apparently she went from being really depressed and having a breakdown to being “the happiest she’s ever been.” It isn’t like her at all. I’m struggling a lot with this because I really love her and have been doing quite badly with my BPD following this. I don’t know how I can help her and myself because she refuses to listen to me and I know what’s causing this at its core is my BPD and her bipolar. I’m heartbroken and I don’t know what to do. I need some advice.",3.171082706766917,4.259359150877195,4.773734335839599,85.00947368421053,73.28070175438596,8.235588972431076,25.85213032581453,8.704169506293173,1.6829498746867169,1078,35,232,20,21,364,131,285,0.125,0.741,0.134,0.4715,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,0,2,8,15,0,2,11,0,26,5,0,5,5,50,52,19,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,1,3,1,0,1,13,24,0,2,9,0,1,2,7,8,2,2,9,4,50,7,32,40,8,33,0,5,3,2,37,14,0,3,18,166,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014829275883833,0.18169560041225136,0.0,0.10262508856447024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746567827381084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557166560160354,0.1249492279511901,0.0,0.08720817660353855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3872332053688141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528152094018173,0.1084167717127338,0.0,0.1074547924597516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609509693390395,0.0,0.1765423647497538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561403879596123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927046022524372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062817584211542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373886300429085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825527252519302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109441099800004,0.0,0.0,0.3379422910089112,0.08353990182922623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050069562668487465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713007119553103,0.18499552761797924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348180952803562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599219157474715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885289652855534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900665006304198,0.0,0.0,0.3282763029591685,0.10537284503701376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260652843415867,0.0,0.16333640662686427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367238736268534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450804679170237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714079013307602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823744960460894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808725304908722,0.06566899530641528,0.0,0.0,0.05976050605916966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147551615283,0.10011408983445473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456181803667576,0.0,0.0,0.16441643684283558,0.0,0.18429473800699045,0.09500570025062176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599772909839158 bpd,Sadgirlsclubxx,2020/03/10,"I can’t get over my exe It’s been 8 years since we broke up. We went out for 3 years on and off(the offs where very short, lived with each other the whole time) AND I CANT GET OVER HIM. When we broke up I got my work visa for England, everyone thought I was crazy, and quite frankly full of shit, but I fucking did it I moved to England(I’m Canadian) I thought I was about to have the best life, and while having bpd you can imagine there was a lot of ups and downs. I eventually moved to Thailand and went to bartending school, came back to Canada, Toronto first then back to where I was from. I saw my exe once. He cheated on his then gf with me, then ignored me again. Oh I should mention the whole time I was in England he wouldn’t talk to me and blocked me on everything. I couldn’t take living there any longer so I got a working holiday visa for Australia and bought a one way ticket to Thailand to work in a bar I used to party at. That’s where I met my future husband. We did long distance while I worked in Thailand, I visited him once(Australia) then a month later moved to his small town with his family. While our relationship near the end of the four years was horrible, it was by far the best and most stable relationship i have ever had! We are still on good terms, but aren’t together. Anyways I’m back in Canada now, for a year and a half AND IM STILL NOT OVER MY EXE OF 8 YEARS AGO!!!!! How is this possible?!??? I have a flight booked to visit my home this weekend, I don’t want to see him. I want to erase the memories of him, he hates me and we will never work. My heart just won’t let go. What the fuck is wrong with me.",2.4126447268382734,3.737830483870973,3.3848224177256436,93.28982621918108,75.53958944281527,6.811382643640709,23.48006951232757,7.3871296695380915,0.6758529597045717,1269,37,294,15,27,406,181,341,0.10800000000000001,0.807,0.084,-0.8122,1,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,7,1,0,9,19,12,5,0,16,0,29,6,2,2,2,45,51,24,0,5,4,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,8,25,1,2,3,5,3,9,9,9,0,4,21,2,51,3,49,24,9,70,0,2,2,2,27,27,3,2,33,206,59,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863629848656907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625356879097971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22474559938174388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20448684367481806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270565120594165,0.0,0.0,0.11143031093615408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629123205192449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812812355545913,0.0,0.09309548799086144,0.08756093085631746,0.0,0.09184532166063653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287119116723955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801390239303093,0.10180296968172868,0.0,0.055369898887159735,0.08171698224686846,0.15584223327027696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618880030569064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545123385927301,0.0,0.0,0.09772702982428227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052376686916401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962550970750092,0.06881543412660206,0.0,0.0,0.17205930876921294,0.08621965721142187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282878619991964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776514681254712,0.31064782787512346,0.0,0.0,0.07514155873635114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375636841521364,0.0660189249752994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983408479256024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362540037617073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20919985673875827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860112874841134,0.07763655026058093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000721600148677,0.08059246046494033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561034578422328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325283297907215,0.07830797596866443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469200210940626,0.11362070779136126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414547901944779,0.0,0.0803873180720593,0.11492970849964422,0.07733286352883617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18063124994292487,0.0,0.21754709852895227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546393745261892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652091772875216,0.0,0.31369834307281463 bpd,parisjenner,2020/03/10,"overwhelmed does anyone else feel overwhelmed by absolutely everything ? sometimes my brain allows me to be overwhelmed at one thing at a time but most of the time im overwhelmed by everything which then leads to me being triggered by everything. i mean absolutely everything. i have a hard time reading emotions sometimes or maybe my emotions are just off ?? my thoughts feel scattered so im not too hopeful that any of this makes sense.",6.762770562770567,9.078459324675324,5.659155844155843,77.34682900432901,66.14285714285714,8.25021645021645,37.50865800865801,8.841846274778883,3.6007333333333325,356,19,56,6,6,106,52,77,0.079,0.861,0.06,-0.6693,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,4,3,0,4,1,1,4,0,14,10,4,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,4,0,1,1,3,7,1,10,7,1,8,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,3,4,37,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453382174208367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748351901112538,0.15750272442902835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160063535020534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452005729142846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841204579676022,0.3458251475508389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5526089479998776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554493407946791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770154376275626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267711191604674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320846227701508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026082634470426,0.0,0.1544308508544226,0.1674444633849357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416360448060166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376005503216678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304062968364961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021237121817391,0.0,0.0,0.12203528404972723,0.2689034047043348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dianasaurus_rex_,2020/03/10,Mania advice Hey guys! I’m low key high key hypomanic rn and since this isn’t a super common symptom for me I’m feeling kind of crazy and I’m not sure what I can/should be doing right now to try to calm myself down. A lot of what’s going on right now is sleep deprivation related. Any practical advice would be super appreciated!!!!!,0.5643954248366043,3.0244208970588247,3.494901960784315,83.46316993464055,90.02941176470587,5.963398692810457,17.84967320261438,7.3871296695380915,0.6456418300653595,263,7,52,5,9,93,51,68,0.127,0.698,0.175,0.6711,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,2,0,6,2,1,0,1,7,11,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,3,5,7,8,1,10,0,2,0,0,2,6,0,1,3,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4840515668056358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684279384398001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523225289931808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075978232366848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452378377858421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26168292765764883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257916081141627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21056498476536087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4230273118842683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20487986107925807,0.0,0.24785452321894785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334313735497883,0.2574298386756773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815551176791022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759416790246318,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lunavaleros,2020/03/10,"I'm scared Yeah like literally scared. I wasn't the person I was before or maybe I am but I wasn't able to notice it because I was to busy giving everything in a destructive way. After my previous relationship everything seems at its worst. I'm like a ticking bomb ready to explode. When I get furious my muscles are in tension, either I punch the wall or hit myself. I blame myself a lot even though I didn't do anything. I'll do everything for someone to leave me first when I feel like they're starting to get bored of me so that they wouldn't leave me first but I'll also beg for them to stay. I'm scared of my roller coaster emotions because I'm starting to get toxic in my relationship. What do I need to do? My suicidal thoughts are back when I thought I was okay. I'm not even scared of death. I'm just scared of what I'll do to myself and how other people would effect that or maybe they're not. I don't know. Who knows anyway?",1.0673809523809543,3.2885662142857166,2.8602040816326517,91.18003401360546,83.28571428571429,5.774149659863946,21.578231292517014,7.07126945348624,0.6082374149659864,742,24,159,10,21,246,99,196,0.272,0.643,0.085,-0.9926,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,3,12,14,2,6,5,2,17,0,0,2,0,22,37,13,2,3,9,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,7,10,0,2,8,1,27,4,20,26,3,16,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,5,12,102,35,0,0.11301139899652507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037517494762724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299875217889488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689879005097759,0.0,0.13778139978879908,0.0,0.0961643768632017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712261295263605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928592640263316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047020752030099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057141958945248116,0.08073536602386275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922548765090886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17713137480660865,0.10841083162772236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421621877015633,0.0,0.0,0.23932550795894905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563498337033528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607825010097347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22707028011289465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379652039368621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866422679205305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834787460202955,0.09867719455090047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24266389837370014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5657206269673852,0.0,0.0,0.10288133323512663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575419163390443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599800997524378,0.12045511468519635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361612800991285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103312572387276,0.1794368546149511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897031882758072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028005539169114,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,houdini_martin,2020/03/10,"Why oh why If I know that I'm not ready for a relationship, and I already sensed that he likely isn't ready either... why am I so upset to hear these same ideas whispered to me? Why do I relentlessly deny such suspicions? Simply, because they ruin the Illusion. I live for a glimmer of hope... just an openness to the mere idea/thought/dream of a monogamous relationship over the horizon. This malignant hope is what helps gets me out of bed in the morning. Hearing my own thoughts tumble from his well-meaning lips has knocked the wind out of me in a single disillusioning blow. I find my joyful suspense has expired but I know it will soon return. My mood, self image, and feelings will continue to barter and negotiate. When will they stop? Nobody knows. And now, we're back to my regularly scheduled insipid programming. &#x200B; ""For there are no new ideas. There are only new ways of making them felt, of examining what our ideas really mean (feel like) on Sunday morning at 7 AM, after brunch, during wild love, making war, giving birth."" Lorde, Audre. ""Poetry is Not a Luxury""",4.213705555555556,6.613905315000004,5.027333333333335,78.80922222222225,73.35,7.6444444444444475,27.11111111111111,8.515128840125781,2.1861777777777776,853,32,148,16,18,276,140,200,0.135,0.784,0.08,-0.8585,0,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,1,0,3,0,9,10,1,1,11,0,13,3,1,2,0,32,31,8,1,3,6,0,3,2,0,3,0,3,1,1,7,7,1,1,13,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,6,19,6,23,26,4,22,1,1,0,1,14,8,0,3,15,95,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294964040475115,0.0,0.0,0.12071851577224588,0.13538187958027925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567154860431438,0.0,0.06791778045385903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126699257895706,0.07959516847522158,0.10697623537317236,0.0,0.10183163724995926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820993662931016,0.10687978308535807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25114645739501285,0.0,0.07467937949769338,0.0,0.0,0.22132121990877907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.503097602017954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18369293434756884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886385199810844,0.0,0.09838182020869243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055672880677498,0.0,0.1487412602571901,0.0,0.0,0.2427280188775293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21521133315125596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473641571938333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137554425320629,0.0,0.0,0.2392368403730264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623053829356092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314824505753487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690273020524222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843634128650707,0.0,0.0,0.1001758054851673,0.0,0.40214019722588745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538187958027925,0.0 bpd,vkayeb,2020/03/11,"Diagnosed in January I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and PTSD for the most part of my life. I just recently got diagnosed with BPD and bipolar disorder. I'm struggling a lot with the diagnosis but they make more sense due to the mania and the ups and downs. My mother and boyfriend have been trying to help me deal with this but I've had a hard time coping since I still have anxiety. I've recently had to quit my job due to not being able to function with my mental illness. I'm anxious 24/7. I cant be alone because I'm afraid I'll hurt or kill myself due to suicidal ideations. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel lost and unheard. This post probably sounds jumbled and doesnt make sense. But I think I needed to write it.",2.127400000000001,4.40708094,3.5713333333333352,87.26900000000002,79.6,7.466666666666666,26.0,8.447377352677275,1.9332,591,24,120,13,15,194,93,150,0.23399999999999999,0.731,0.035,-0.9846,1,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,2,2,6,1,2,6,0,12,6,0,2,0,27,23,11,2,1,6,1,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,12,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,6,3,14,0,18,15,4,11,0,3,0,0,5,3,0,3,7,72,18,1,0.14577410618353812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097801083596105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223033584458264,0.16468324703773962,0.14456874266324862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886254210314877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835973836736607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028670255570514,0.12555502405099114,0.4438729477663871,0.0,0.0,0.16706975496261878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370776810820741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658886943300667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058496618796633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977093105885462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605419564125395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465830707357832,0.0,0.16127745026140414,0.0,0.08011363643624632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296456224992108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591296569756332,0.12393193214587575,0.0,0.0,0.19461069566399464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690601259731886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808965263810097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785915141382656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396112980390402,0.0,0.15716914187839076,0.0,0.17040212923680054,0.0,0.0,0.15504870561559986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878686870740748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058584702307094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641538950226299,0.0,0.0,0.15239474673479828,0.0,0.15945321206995194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340616114198608,0.0,0.0,0.08500205359992961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989710492349815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,all-manic-no-pixie-,2020/03/11,"Turned my shame spiral into empowerment! Turned my shame spiral into empowerment Just a few hours ago I wrote a post about how I’d messed up my first day of work, how utterly embarrassed I felt. How angry I was at myself. I made that post as a cry for help, because I was in the midst of what has become a far too familiar “shame spiral” But It didn’t drown me like it usually does. I didn’t berate myself into exhaustion just to fall asleep and get some peace. I looked at myself, really looked at myself in the mirror and smiled. Then I started to laugh (I know, very cinematic.) I became the friend i needed, the friend I am to other people. The world is one big silly place and damn it , if I have to be here I’m going to enjoy it. it won’t always be easy. But when you have a bad day, when you’ve had all those countless interactions filled with social faux pas, you deserve to go home and give a big ole hug to YOURSELF. Pour yourself a drink, put on that movie with that character who reminds you of your best qualities, and laugh at the world and all of its silliness. We need to acknowledge and honor our feelings, our shame. But we need to do that from a place of love, not disgust. I will no longer tolerate this abusive relationship that I’ve created to take up any room in my temple. I hope you’ll find a way to do the same.",3.811615847737425,4.73294663468635,4.951229364925228,84.96896484754325,71.58302583025831,8.066886774130898,23.85725383569625,8.371475516178862,1.2540435424354244,1042,26,219,16,19,344,159,271,0.14,0.672,0.188,0.9278,2,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,4,5,0,4,10,23,2,5,16,0,17,5,1,4,2,39,38,18,1,5,7,0,2,1,2,3,1,0,2,0,16,14,1,0,5,1,0,5,5,10,0,2,8,4,33,13,35,25,6,39,0,0,2,2,19,21,1,3,11,147,49,1,0.0,0.16151870391442089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084079795165628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343042103806372,0.0,0.0,0.09270330492048016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382277094093934,0.08310033030412944,0.1505564031718396,0.0,0.0,0.14306101971064036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974278315363382,0.1758321992621342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192958765037416,0.0,0.0,0.1335431866386648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892825402926632,0.0,0.13089003254813827,0.0,0.1245953951135205,0.11595501108984728,0.0,0.0,0.21064332878620173,0.0,0.07122236516790159,0.13077201901880334,0.1549493171046016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913734380260234,0.0,0.1367415946053422,0.13539802357224556,0.13424923247881473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491873957408547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659980640392564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289514784378929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230354897098374,0.12899071368801526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032420283315255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237498664888123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450817407916128,0.0,0.2848539374128596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611166574047717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704077491367805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733105327415681,0.0,0.0,0.14635829029646374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389626172540682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648907001883954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024968139206485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965573254039544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15013888950550278,0.11247952668759993,0.0,0.10820567342877424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924368656194026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tamirabeth,2020/03/11,"Coronavirus Check-in Since my anxiety is through the roof concerning coronavirus/covid-19, I figured I couldn't be the only one. How's everyone else doing? Also, McLean Hospital has put out a really useful info site on caring for your mental health during this time--it's a great resource to hang onto. https://www.mcleanhospital.org/news/caring-your-mental-health-despite-coronavirus",12.988928571428573,16.314951464285713,9.887857142857145,49.10714285714286,52.21428571428571,11.314285714285715,33.64285714285714,11.20814326018867,4.617228571428571,326,11,37,8,4,95,51,56,0.031,0.775,0.19399999999999998,0.8687,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,2,0,6,7,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,6,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890097335935836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18080779564931576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409754999363714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19744085350952867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258434186292813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605777075078588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.502459920178209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4763722444737431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015749025468629,0.17975551387594085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23759794040520024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141244205913676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955119112639918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378181135760229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20413129630746465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Trousership,2020/03/11,"DAE feels unbearable emptiness even in a perfect relationship with a very loving person？ GF is very caring and understanding about my BPD shit, I’m grateful and also feel super guilty. When she says I love you I would say it back but feel nothing. The void is consuming me more then ever. It’s like I can’t feel love anymore even I’m desperate for it every second and there is people who do love me. Thinking about suicide constantly. First time being with someone, I’m so confused. Is it BPD related or it’s just me?",1.7143183549124146,4.4342833564356425,3.3291089108910903,85.03239908606248,86.72277227722772,5.879969535415079,23.610814927646608,7.321109707123232,1.3915401370906322,413,16,75,7,13,136,72,101,0.157,0.608,0.23600000000000002,0.8676,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,3,11,10,1,1,3,0,8,5,1,0,2,18,22,9,1,1,3,0,4,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,6,5,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,6,9,8,6,20,1,8,0,0,0,4,11,1,1,2,8,50,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179067139519408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621962059380872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337129678861416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713878849359752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503236304301538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15932890861382706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19476380578633545,0.13336678909639912,0.12422350463936545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981978452341708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254113242024654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720311251255226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.532276907858811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147145568435246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022154639788784,0.12873782826130506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829403853763654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344984212192853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134375664080632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492437319452745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127406064284422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447279675883473,0.0,0.0,0.08597271995390962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534889369533539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433048171868711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473625674970387,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,uenoc,2020/03/11,"Why am I so resistant to trying DBT? I've had my diagnosis for going on 6 years now. I began treatment with Mentalization Based Therapy because that's what was available at the university clinic i could afford - that lost funding halfway through, and i ended up in psychoanalysis with a psychiatrist who has since died. i'm working with a grief specialized social worker now but he has no background in BPD and I have no treatment plan at the moment. I've never even tried DBT. My psychiatrist/psychoanalyst, who did his residency at that clinic and then worked at an intensive outpatient program for BPD, said it was ""punitive."" I didn't self-harm til 30 and was able to stop independently before I was even diagnosed BPD. I have suicidial ideation constantly since I was 17, but never an attempt. My substance abuse is basically absent at this point (working with the dead psychiatrist definitely did make some progress although we'll see how the incredible blow of his loss will even out in the end). And... I think I am too arrogant. The idea of ""skills"" seems so -- I dunno, like animal training? Like it's beneath me some how? Like telling me to snap a rubber band or hold ice when I am incredible psychic pain is demeaning... or maybe I mean invalidating. It seems like it would be for girls in their 20s who are way outta control, not a 43-year-old of what probably used to be above average intelligence before the aforementioned substance abuse kicked in for 20 years. tl;dr I think I'm too good for DBT, change my mind.",4.6055871886120965,7.053204960854093,5.548760142348758,75.30042135231321,72.34519572953737,8.766462633451956,30.10120996441281,9.3871,3.0377799572953745,1218,53,213,30,25,399,170,281,0.145,0.759,0.095,-0.9451,1,0,0,0,2,0,42.0,1,0,1,11,12,10,0,0,13,0,25,4,0,6,2,37,39,17,3,2,5,0,0,4,0,3,4,1,0,1,13,10,0,3,6,1,1,1,6,4,0,0,12,2,25,6,32,21,2,32,0,3,1,0,13,15,0,7,19,137,38,6,0.1095379775109658,0.2595691831357196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677333439593525,0.0,0.18641750201714288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41387774434912655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587665598910485,0.0,0.0,0.11837163960992232,0.12285615598182943,0.08745716185615457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117874141731772,0.11368312684004064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19403627096097,0.0,0.0,0.21704640320616864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225295692316419,0.09187525854205554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365504360143305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21405889133958786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957364201004456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311745056490478,0.0,0.110045621314624,0.11931896966791435,0.0,0.0,0.11038851772378744,0.0,0.11060213151875163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896488211714095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494168112662215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655613107331368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354879455112506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810046639433358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419570055738143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728758614648313,0.19943852153452224,0.11427199988916187,0.0,0.0,0.1812218938625951,0.0,0.0,0.11166017362964877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157865398511997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574102042637846,0.0,0.1252662236131888,0.0,0.0,0.1403750260786979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873819293652232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460564288462987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869461479750324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988409871611382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23923485665699645,0.0,0.0,0.07781263642568077,0.0,0.0,0.21161659852019624 bpd,afuckinglowlife,2020/03/11,"I found out my bf watched porn when we were fighting I just found out he was watching porn when we weren't talking for three days and I want to die. I feel cheated on. I feel like it's cheating because I told him in the beginning that it was not something I would be okay with and he agreed. I literally said I wouldn't be with him if he wanted to watch porn. It's literally the number one reason that I don't want to have anything to do with relationships and I made that very clear. I'd rather be single than be in a relationship where you watch porn and hide it from your partner. Now, I understand that most people have no problem with it but I just cannot do it. So I told him that, I was veeery honest about it. I would've been fine had he told me there that ""No I will be watching porn"", I would've just said okay that's fine, hope you find someone whose okay with that. But he told me not to worry and promised me he would never ever do it. I asked him several times if he really was okay with it and he assured me. So that's the backstory I guess, I'm so upset and it's hard to write so things might not make sense. Anyways so he just confessed that he has watched porn and my whole world just crushed, I just started screaming on top of my lungs. I feel disgusted and I feel as if all my feelings for him just flew out the window. He watched another girl naked... because he was mad at me? No matter how I think about it, it's such a betrayal and I can't even... I don't know what to do. I feel like he cheated and I'm so close to just ending my life right now... I can't even talk to anyone about it because most people don't understand and just think it's immature. I know, but that's why I set those boundaries because I just can't handle it :(",0.7521038521236072,2.7496504986595203,2.284270495273038,96.16848842951885,82.88739946380697,5.427656272047411,20.80774657824185,6.5966054737557815,0.11276836461125984,1368,41,320,14,38,444,157,373,0.134,0.737,0.129,-0.8302,0,0,1,0,2,1,38.0,2,3,0,1,32,21,6,1,6,4,33,8,1,4,5,83,66,28,1,12,20,0,7,2,2,5,1,3,1,2,30,24,0,0,17,0,0,1,16,9,0,2,19,17,51,12,32,37,5,26,1,0,7,6,41,13,0,8,13,213,81,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742315273469308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163235132573942,0.0,0.08430400672683838,0.0,0.09577281465113197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497995678970873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606894226131171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063223673743954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907364015158479,0.0,0.0,0.13532871623331322,0.09266791785930996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107974663168537,0.14637432612593929,0.0,0.0,0.09363343005803212,0.0,0.0,0.22465264355487904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285538739923068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177114269853268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017516045323886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260285431182572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723603628424435,0.10009949900827038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693651163622972,0.06838323906571939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867860109647827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901236871812828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941979551988339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420457714266393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802661159343316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562927996809008,0.10533114765869216,0.0,0.21997648830281694,0.0,0.08748798976341551,0.19489846666660254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157343774336469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680183149231127,0.07886763433462107,0.0,0.0,0.07251152886302123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468379881540093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806031005491951,0.13128601849533994,0.0,0.0,0.05973685806495479,0.0,0.0,0.3915646758905772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21329898242695616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452835584708603,0.1812752222076513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244122712582734,0.11437686316063267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403848809071847,0.0,0.2910976834077565,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,columbo928s4,2020/03/11,"curious if anyone has had really good experiences with specific meds First of all, let me say I understand medication is extremely dependent on individual biochemistry, life circumstances, and more. But I'm just curious if anyone has had really positive experiences with particular medications, and if they have, what symptoms the medication was so good for. I've tried a bunch of medications over the years, and most of them never really felt like they were helping. I liked SSRIs because they improved my sexual performance but they didn't feel like they reduced depression or anxiety. Abilify I think was at least a little helpful, the weight gain was annoying but people around me said it helped my mood. Benzos are fabulous for reducing anxiety but I'm unwilling to take them regularly or long term. Recently I've tried two new drugs. Depakote IR stabilized my mood and I think it made me more cheerful, but it was hell on my stomach and also caused some weight gain I didnt like. I'm trying Lamictal now. It's helping with mood stabilization but seems like it has a negligible impact on mood, anxiety, and negativity compared to the depakote. Not sure what i'll try next if I go for another shift. Anyways, just curious about others experiences.",5.967780938833567,8.576539675675676,7.198373636794687,64.26471550497868,68.9099099099099,12.061071597913704,34.20673304883831,11.520995432342351,5.260852252252253,1016,50,157,41,19,343,132,222,0.149,0.6829999999999999,0.168,0.4342,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,7,4,8,16,2,0,7,0,16,10,1,3,3,39,29,20,0,4,15,0,4,5,0,0,7,2,0,0,8,10,2,0,6,0,0,1,5,3,0,2,12,6,20,9,18,16,8,17,1,1,0,0,13,7,1,10,14,105,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319751723531423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909077198924384,0.2387616670656551,0.0,0.0,0.14548872019850748,0.0,0.0,0.09261405864439938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634193537676537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687358587458053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960601732902625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064868090353678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305301386678108,0.0,0.0,0.05260370579599872,0.07432330847671652,0.09989083374819743,0.0,0.0,0.08849293188758607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05912603187947117,0.17452084957818012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789324360050684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638381469647687,0.07348367314632519,0.2541335676843827,0.10427136015256117,0.0,0.09206854813494683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098441338008928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556049501263865,0.41922112620706936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023894366093816,0.10047857557123964,0.11064342054442652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212543324347641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999442941643883,0.0,0.10272295655794572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989620191128173,0.08273356871347326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471042794641116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805265826880133,0.10813319399191676,0.0782220922383983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332408093088255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28253434284620826,0.0,0.10162801298489296,0.10830510027454224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533755363811502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699574536287163 bpd,theValkyrie_,2020/03/11,"Need information to pass on to SO Hello all, I have never posted here before, so here it goes: My SO and I have been together nearly 6 months, during which I have been relatively stable. I have told him before about my BPD; however, I would like to give him more information on how he can be supportive. Anybody have any good infographs, posts, or articles that would be good to show him? Thank you all",2.65068181818182,5.179128792207795,4.25465909090909,81.70198863636367,79.25974025974024,8.005844155844157,21.313311688311693,8.841846274778883,1.7126116883116884,315,9,60,8,8,105,52,77,0.0,0.81,0.19,0.9217,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,0,0,12,0,0,1,3,11,17,6,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,11,5,8,10,3,8,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,1,3,46,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425244776558844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860319206458768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856849434466086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21759638505015247,0.0,0.3805091488841503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081787394022316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18105385816316816,0.0,0.0,0.1681918646290029,0.17494558520418846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4344816357044067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574044455524054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20883495320135015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21674616417761086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222676107650297,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,zuzuzuzuzuzulienka,2020/03/11,"I have no idea what is wrong with me. I [24f] had an indefinable episode of despair in front of my so [22m] today (again). It's hard to explain stuff out of context and without the whole mental issue history, because I feel like everything is connected, but I'll try anyway. So the semester started 3 weeks ago and I haven't done any homework that's been piling up since, despite the big amount of time I have for it. I switched major and school last year, because I couldn't deal with the lectures and the elite classmates who made me feel like shit. They didn't do anything deliberately, it was me who made myself feel like shit among them. Anyway, my current major is much more interesting and much easier and I really want to excel in it, but I can't find motivation and it's so frustrating. I've been procrastinating and delaying work for weeks and since they closed school yeasterday because of the virus, I told myself that today is the day I slowly (I sensibly set up one small goal) start doing something. Well, it turned out that I wasn't able to focus even on the smallest things and all that sadness and anger from the lack of interest in the past weeks escalated into me starting acting out crazy. First of all I am unable to leave the room. If I didn't have to pee all the time and didn't hate the feeling of having to pee, I wouldn't go until it would be absolutely necessary. I don't want to go outside for a cigarette either, it takes too much effort. So I'm in the room with my bf, shifting from bed to chair, not able to do anything productive, only trembling and shaking my limbs aggressively. My bf is trying to hug me, to comfort me, but even though I crave his attention, I hate his attention. So I start shaking more and more and shifting myself towards the ground because it makes me feel so good to lie there, but he starts pulling me up and I start fighting and crying and I want him to leave me be. I want to smash around myself so bad, the only reason I don't do it is that the consequences tend to be visible and I just can't afford that. So I lie there absolutely desperate with no prospect of getting better. What is wrong with me in a situation like that? I bet that if someone knocked on the door, I would just pull myself together, but in front of my bf I go frantic. How is he supposed to help me? Sorry if it's confusing, I'm not very good with words lately.",5.730372866127581,5.735285828092247,6.391454776879307,79.58148584905662,67.0293501048218,9.413866427073977,31.291479484875712,9.140100540675403,2.4885705899970043,1888,68,378,31,28,620,222,477,0.16,0.703,0.138,-0.8292,2,0,2,0,2,0,51.0,0,0,3,8,22,31,8,5,21,0,38,5,4,6,3,77,69,38,0,12,14,0,6,4,3,3,0,0,5,0,25,31,0,1,12,0,1,10,16,18,1,2,12,6,57,13,57,50,15,59,0,2,0,1,18,24,2,5,28,264,82,9,0.1680345739536752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447625559194979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713463621978264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827813689028426,0.07479319810862219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015092522123789,0.20486463328326496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430646273860712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228904459619293,0.054184199523327724,0.08661813368642841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597885475629326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098525132459207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550932006884367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21240832366251844,0.1800658998111015,0.0,0.0,0.07679027819533972,0.07146506138224712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0438955647597585,0.0,0.14324688110422498,0.14093942828598008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526298645427039,0.1658993534739575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05631501645217354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948452903775306,0.0,0.08769221922737606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848530252403763,0.09477515924530576,0.17792435153981878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641864101591744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15899837678099285,0.056082191461964456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466966419586032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18528711924274724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056932288039982536,0.1277978654196686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802040071735719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053823625422949634,0.08638376407157512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005995977887398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17248507544173544,0.13899993599585508,0.09443895074829636,0.0,0.0,0.07118757460907303,0.0646806122280293,0.0,0.09405047417397244,0.3568072089408511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617969262868233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317054372620605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055817352199306884,0.0,0.0825465578756772,0.0,0.09798231137063634,0.0,0.1592771283410627,0.0802821181881025,0.0,0.11408444563542365,0.0913866820595056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932306075799469,0.1982222906871349,0.0,0.20218079930457736,0.0,0.07554163106271095,0.0,0.0,0.09380230047934526,0.0,0.08098966648179398,0.0,0.06116558556019621,0.0,0.0,0.11936694018923752,0.18371942810900327,0.0,0.054104378198126656 bpd,shooksilly,2020/03/11,"Hey, others who have the extremely discouraged, quiet, fearful type - raise ur hand (slightly) and show me where you are hiding? I’d like to know how you experience life and if it’s anything like I do. I was painfully shy as a child, “too quiet”, “too shy”, “too reserved”, “too sensitive”. I was always hyper aware and fearful of people’s judgments. To the point I tried to not take up space, tried to be invisible, felt like I was a burden. If I’m around people who knew me like that - mainly my family - if they are discouraging especially, it can cause me to regress into people pleasing and trying to be invisible again. I freeze and fawn when in danger, go totally blank when I’m put on the spot. I’ve never felt like I fit in. Yet, I’ve never wanted to be like everyone else, style or looks, or whatever - I have always been unique in style of clothes etc. And there’s another aide of me that is bold and adventurous, opinionated and challenging. Sometimes even charismatic and charming. Dichotomous always. Confused a lot. Tell me I’m not alone? Tell me how you are and feel?",3.563956639566399,5.694336487804879,4.853617886178864,80.5494241192412,74.36585365853658,8.067750677506776,26.023035230352306,8.841846274778883,2.121953929539296,840,30,157,18,18,278,120,205,0.146,0.6990000000000001,0.156,-0.1853,0,1,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,3,1,1,14,18,1,3,6,0,15,3,1,3,3,36,27,20,0,4,7,0,5,6,0,0,2,2,0,1,7,12,0,2,5,1,0,2,4,8,0,0,7,8,19,10,18,17,4,19,0,2,1,0,11,11,0,8,12,101,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380811248476297,0.0,0.0,0.3328031275447305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397994789910262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971244016990862,0.11868462299458266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369581620033104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137321431590178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868899281471346,0.08805775822213242,0.0,0.0,0.12739464511897974,0.0,0.13041425354488462,0.12568388018916554,0.3000480679010173,0.06741148246712321,0.0,0.2560195745127574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576982269748597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327014691410992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416909453364232,0.3908056350714289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195669172169102,0.0,0.0,0.1133453838773628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20565190463031047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186374145456462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772855431924403,0.0,0.0,0.14634724528863105,0.12603214676791868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402518206034875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185861938076238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024136360126124,0.0,0.23305817108532484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715501495227273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863662216034152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sleepy_but_still_lit,2020/03/11,"Unhealthy love I am so manipulative but I can’t help it. I hate that I love unhealthily, and I hate that the object of my love never asked to be loved this way. They never asked for this obsession, and I’m left feeling lost and empty because the love that I give is never returned. I feel selfish, and I require this abnormal amount of attention that I desperately want to give in return but can’t because they know their boundaries and what’s healthy and not healthy in a relationship. I love them for this, and I hate myself for not being able to feel the same. I’m trying though.",5.7471552795031045,6.071022547826092,6.2084472049689445,79.81217391304348,67.0,9.006211180124225,31.211180124223603,8.841846274778883,2.3794223602484457,463,17,91,7,7,150,64,115,0.18899999999999997,0.5,0.31,0.9674,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,4,2,2,12,3,1,4,0,6,6,0,1,3,23,27,11,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,1,5,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,1,3,17,6,10,24,2,9,0,1,0,6,16,3,0,0,5,64,27,1,0.1269023472499163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23727312824202945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471698603709308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19249691927537255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24347258989858986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3758693857055773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850599683749449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974221126546112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787977159829082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385289028070358,0.0,0.6872059379488855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936247404420632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624562906873042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468091185463308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615836369384315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748502923344439,0.10072917642892937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,asexualbard,2020/03/11,"BPD: The musical So something lighthearted (because god knows we all need that) I came up with a playlist of songs for when I’m feeling particularly ‘BPD’. Example of tracks: Play the Game-Queen Blank Space-Taylor Swift Do Ya think I’m Sexy?-N Trance Hold me, Thrill me, Kiss me, Kill me-U2 I Love it-Icona POP (don’t fear) The Reaper-Blue Ouster Cult Does anybody else do something similar? I dunno I sometimes find it cathartic to find light in the mess my brain is in.",0.7538827838827871,3.2292583076923123,1.2990769230769246,96.55425641025644,97.7912087912088,4.624468864468866,21.45128205128205,6.42735559955562,0.4309950183150182,370,14,77,5,15,112,71,91,0.075,0.7090000000000001,0.21600000000000005,0.8895,0,0,2,0,0,1,19.0,1,1,0,0,2,7,1,1,5,0,4,3,1,0,1,12,12,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,5,2,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,3,10,4,8,11,1,5,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,1,32,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923938953626252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5340385999512857,0.23667338825092335,0.0,0.2424830749832599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553146777048116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710723453283309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385703055231006,0.10719867706831647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38754678217447797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345577644352607,0.0,0.11651520676205898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913473932438068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157202803245484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264314666797133,0.20968341060539825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584751188980776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,undermydeathbed,2020/03/11,"Is anyone else ever overly optimistic, to the point of being unaware of social cues? My therapist and I were talking this morning, and he helped me identify that, in most social situations, I’ll be completely unaware of certain cues that the other person is giving that would, theoretically, indicate to me the person’s disinterest in continuing, say, the relationship or even a conversation, and he said the reason for this is because I always try to look for the good in people and, because I’ve been beat up and put down so much, ignore any bad signs, to the point of almost being oblivious to them. Does anyone else experience anything like this?",19.08384615384616,9.673729179487182,17.47128205128205,39.26538461538462,52.07692307692307,20.044444444444448,56.948717948717956,15.021129683784007,7.915800000000001,522,21,79,13,3,177,77,117,0.079,0.818,0.10300000000000001,0.4488,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,3,5,0,0,8,0,9,0,0,1,2,14,12,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,2,7,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,3,6,3,17,5,2,11,0,0,1,0,14,8,0,3,3,58,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480672232210782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128637220057808,0.0,0.0,0.10513136886920478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161958550104296,0.3168061158369896,0.12722028858324433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908216948437268,0.18848198531541496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209217893192238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352890148635814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25829217623397144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021099648833248,0.13984198035413972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122568548884766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483036810934579,0.0,0.12966876140026795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362321630497844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755283624426846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982267651326376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364669937915813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717820382772884,0.2699765507219235,0.0,0.0,0.2922885692406302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554128439102571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15895162664525095,0.0,0.16597949142614005,0.0,0.0,0.14705729974435158,0.12294186519524401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17377368306936214,0.0,0.3151846676037985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425933964304935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794992161269066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496132232468508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982138550378936,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,uncouthhh,2020/03/11,"Do you ever go into a spiral of self hatred because someone did not talk to you properly? Just made a throwaway because my(26/F) main is known to my friends and I can't not keep it inside me any longer. I have a colleague at work who's usually super chummy with everyone. He was nice to me on the first few days after I joined but for the past few weeks he's started to kind of ignore me. Like we'll be in a group and he won't ever address me or even look at me while conversing. Never asks me to join for lunch when he asks others. Basically, he's mean to me in subtle ways and I don't know why. This is also one of my biggest triggers. It sends me in a spiral of self hatred and I keep recounting every person who left me or rejected me or disliked me. Today, it's gone a bit too far. I've been on the verge of tears since morning and I really want to just go home and hurt myself. Been doing it all day today, pinching my arms and slapping myself. I'm done with being myself. It's so exhausting. I just want to be normal. I hate that something as little as a work colleague not liking me sends me into a spiral of self hatred and self harm.",2.6725114784205672,3.69562535123967,4.622754820936642,85.86574839302115,74.41322314049586,6.8653810835629026,23.36179981634527,7.1686216300943375,0.8520020202020211,893,24,187,9,18,307,137,242,0.191,0.747,0.062,-0.991,0,1,1,0,0,2,22.0,1,2,0,4,10,12,1,0,11,0,17,3,1,2,4,37,33,18,0,3,10,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,2,5,10,12,1,3,3,0,0,5,7,6,0,2,7,1,30,6,30,21,5,35,0,2,1,0,23,14,0,3,17,130,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799845694209308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333417698976125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291243461592054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494034681808208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378639732229453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806158827216238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540514079893753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093920946270336,0.2216962732774649,0.10324867314645714,0.117096120476983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423593231438606,0.0,0.0,0.09467725264940256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928925001232448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098690916403225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292170442551628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118597274602115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178456187069331,0.0,0.12761080230192404,0.06734702186585574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314450207700754,0.0,0.0,0.11973769563252,0.12282136219645393,0.0,0.0,0.10290616414688254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595417200857445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334864287474743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451354952330006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006718036736112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303904044659415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698219103697215,0.0,0.10700076439096122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850487592102083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5113608075393171,0.0,0.0,0.10136972976676932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383120177967058,0.09434042016969048,0.0,0.0,0.08673733094440138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849629005903633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323149193168265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496499182882607,0.0,0.14455934743239052,0.09726978718336587,0.09829746967243487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057697218419098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17842710026710196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,KingHenryXX,2020/03/11,"Posts on any social media feels like is about me Like, sometimes I think that people I don't even know in person is talking about me in their social medias, good or bad things. Today a friend of mine was saying a few things about someone and for no reason I think it's me even though I haven't talked with him for a couple of days, so I'm just assuming that he's mad at me now. I know it's totally irrational and I try to convince myself that I shouldn't worry about that so much, because it can't be me who he's talking about, but it's a tiring thing to do.",5.780606060606061,4.113334512396698,6.513016528925622,84.28649449035815,67.51239669421487,9.05840220385675,27.60468319559229,7.1686216300943375,1.2658749311294772,440,9,99,3,6,146,74,121,0.07200000000000001,0.8290000000000001,0.099,0.2398,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,12,7,1,0,4,0,9,1,0,1,1,15,15,7,0,1,3,0,1,2,1,1,1,1,0,1,12,3,0,0,7,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,2,16,5,16,12,3,8,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,2,5,72,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414330852171554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014718969785042,0.10231940110762112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857221046419334,0.0,0.10824893991452314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22172581504801336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486967074447399,0.11991160363342132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967998544555048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078406471196422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844912177100537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400542044041802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338857953850615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636559970537272,0.14655957139214884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16075327202130554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725770790901589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348053392774248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34220253329311445,0.14221820298739585,0.0,0.16600729137093234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047328298148653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345349340341865,0.2151021620947149,0.16491112653215234,0.0,0.0,0.1929181272680048,0.15910155033412032,0.0,0.0,0.11395868546008385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045915464465955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jaycakes30,2020/03/11,"I feel abandoned by the mental health team. Ive been waiting for over a year now for this assessment and it went horribly wrong. The area I live in apparently is awful for support surrounding personality disorders, this was told to me by the mental health practitioner carrying out the assessment.. Oh. I also currently suffer badly with my physical health. I'm due surgery in 10 days to remove my Fallopian tubes. Obviously this too is having a huge impact on my MH. It comes down to this: they can't help me. Because I take strong painkillers, they don't know what they're fighting. So they've sent me away and told me to come back when I'm off them. So I'm alone. I have to face it all alone.. I don't think I can guys.",2.484205794205796,4.780825377622378,3.9893756243756258,84.65351398601399,78.44055944055944,7.722077922077923,24.200299700299702,8.634040054169528,1.7533180819180822,571,20,116,13,14,189,94,143,0.177,0.7659999999999999,0.055999999999999994,-0.9504,2,2,0,0,2,0,18.0,0,0,3,2,7,7,1,0,6,1,11,4,1,0,2,13,26,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,8,6,0,2,3,1,0,5,3,5,0,0,6,1,18,2,19,20,1,23,0,2,0,0,11,11,0,0,7,71,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346341673408134,0.0,0.12919148018636673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178154707480893,0.12422198152972827,0.13488750576140718,0.09847938325530096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27832204842469915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418638816708586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851503011272728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168453628071258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995990325372642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5151603009112183,0.0,0.0,0.1082835626499561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878365754406416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426516136561326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256088150232379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105923260515485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332503058733654,0.0,0.0,0.1214654981947433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351471974356337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30873590463657063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975847261855946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766295693134574,0.0,0.10403290623610656 bpd,DevHoward,2020/03/11,"I did a really dumb thing.. We broke up before sunrise. I had completely compartmentalized and removed myself from any emotion during the act itself. Of course that ended after I had slept. I started drinking at 10:30 and I didn't stop until 6. Or 7? It's fuzzy. I remember crying, and begging, and being fed because I couldn't walk or talk. I remember self harming but I was so drunk I couldn't even do that properly. I remember hyperventilating and him saying ""you broke up with me so you're not my girlfriend anymore"" and it sliced right through me. Of course he's right and I'm a fucking mess and I'm so embarrassed. I'm so embarrassed. I thought I had gotten off easily emotionally, but my world collapsed. I can't see any reason he would want to have any form of contact with me after that. The abandonment thing is so hard and I caused it.",1.3529682365826936,4.0099189518072285,3.2756188389923326,85.01732749178535,88.3975903614458,6.150711938663746,23.208105147864185,7.520522993642371,1.431660240963855,670,26,127,13,22,224,100,166,0.228,0.736,0.036000000000000004,-0.9866,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,1,1,0,0,6,9,2,2,4,0,14,5,1,2,0,29,25,19,0,4,5,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,9,12,3,2,5,2,0,3,5,9,0,0,10,3,24,0,15,11,1,16,0,3,1,1,10,7,2,2,6,87,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152259292909279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323708527056507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419074061768837,0.0,0.1314806482103953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872918293798755,0.0,0.0,0.16200574666468112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972716709759933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136560357711315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.347616531160774,0.13685418164186194,0.0,0.0,0.10205551687830107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284637103635175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841484148071095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898608774130073,0.15886686901188973,0.0,0.0,0.5251051788828677,0.2639094573410567,0.0,0.12287630901469468,0.0,0.0,0.12312822865961305,0.0,0.16119255386593015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936631579351093,0.0,0.0,0.1291812266328062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419308094678147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20530543154128875,0.0,0.0,0.12266743011900147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113678660650074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097628255448622,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,moonierosie,2020/03/11,"My close friend has BPD and I am so drained and really really need help. Hi. I have recently become very close friends with a girl who has BPD. We’ve been close for about 4 months and I love her and have so much fun with her when times are good. But over the past month or two the friendship has taken a huge toll on my mental health. She finds issues with everything that I do and when I go home from seeing her I always feel so insecure and attacked. I am 100% okay with giving her all my energy when she is struggling but the problem is that it’s never reciprocated and she actually makes things significantly worse when I’m struggling. I have depression so I have either extremely high highs or low lows. I have dealt with it to the point where my lows come off as me being off/distracted rather than moody or sad. That is to say that when I am in a low mood, I don’t think that I act noticeably differently, I’m just quieter and less ‘crazy.’ But she notices my lows before I do and gets very angry at me if I’m not my crazy high-mood self. If I am sad she rolls her eyes and complains that I am ruining her day. To save the long list of examples, she just severely invalidates me any time I am upset, even if I never even mentioned that I’m upset. There have been more instances when she has completely taken out her anger and rage on me seemingly out of nowhere. She has said multiple times that I am doing her therapists job better than her therapist is and things along those lines. The beyond-lack of reciprocation makes me feel like she is using me to make her life better rather than actually caring about me as a person. This friendship has put me into a very dark mental rut but I don’t know what to do. I do not want to be her friend anymore at all but I don’t want her to think I am abandoning her. I am afraid of hurting her if I set boundaries. Any time I’ve tried to text less (meaning text her a only few times a day rather than 24/7) she incessantly says things like “are you mad at me?” and again I am afraid to hurt her because she has made her fear of abandonment very clear. I feel completely stuck and unsure of where to go. If you have any advice please let me know. And if you’ve read any or all of this thank you so much, I’m sorry it was a lot.",3.4304521980098244,4.506876222698075,4.447278624511903,87.6418563421086,72.64025695931478,7.978057689885375,23.37126842171558,8.405096225971981,1.121091497669731,1784,45,393,29,34,581,212,467,0.213,0.665,0.122,-0.9947,2,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,3,0,2,24,43,4,8,14,1,45,4,1,5,6,80,80,43,0,13,23,0,3,2,3,0,2,3,1,3,19,28,0,2,10,1,0,5,7,28,0,1,8,8,74,14,44,69,11,52,0,13,2,1,47,25,0,12,23,264,93,2,0.0,0.0,0.15451769190832607,0.0,0.0,0.07736435455782674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587607750962829,0.0,0.0,0.21535422488790595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785157183851172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006770814046466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048261513534835,0.08743743692523859,0.06736814087629373,0.0,0.0,0.14003949045617708,0.0,0.0,0.199424581098332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071945328233293,0.0,0.0,0.0681982505529582,0.16601722173761674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021166586642028,0.0,0.06818931069482344,0.0,0.0,0.08271617035449147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458254552044073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115321008033405,0.0,0.0,0.0890886599691208,0.12009273077223888,0.0565593173835249,0.0,0.0,0.0723602701173677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18350045949335056,0.0,0.0413632428168921,0.07594741853318547,0.08998867438058265,0.06640433750622758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415438512168025,0.0,0.0,0.053066220072511563,0.2509434802242739,0.07941432115454186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950700479322198,0.0,0.0,0.08263328144667995,0.0785643610853941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087019913175672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095705187522832,0.05592036303513361,0.07735727274289128,0.0,0.0,0.07006327277042723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730780460583399,0.07145433634457289,0.07491290409723947,0.15854048005811086,0.0,0.0,0.08623972610750974,0.0,0.0,0.15957019341365247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638604395745678,0.0,0.1163986406679258,0.05870381501931484,0.12212211684466355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027194765889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06021262247980396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557706209647733,0.0,0.06912850018504428,0.0,0.08690527530567152,0.07484157553242066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575533748144085,0.0,0.07958807370699578,0.0,0.0,0.07919177955598296,0.0,0.10143711328648417,0.0,0.07817117431411154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530913737067757,0.12591888781708135,0.0,0.0,0.06308852266164515,0.07207371770093714,0.08259194660854265,0.08943996612933737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862473057570164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655320894070755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288942595018552,0.0,0.18384576826488847,0.1577917977626188,0.10145833336521676,0.0,0.0,0.23082435316445946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05375147412130615,0.0,0.07733793286759087,0.0,0.0,0.06837776720082843,0.0,0.2612953368420335,0.093393453145967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068135538995024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Zeroghost1,2020/03/11,"I just argued for 3 hours My female partner and I have been together for 3 years and we just spent 3 fucking hours arguing over our different opinions on a movie. I could not seem to let go that she didn't enjoy the same things I did and leave it at that. I had to find out why and try to change her mind. I wanted her to agree with me and proceeded to take things way too far, thus ruining our date. She knows about my mental health conditions and has tolerated me for this long, but I'm afraid that one day she will realize how stupid this all is and leave. I have been doing workbooks and seeking therapy, but I always seem to revert into the mess that I am.",5.044191176470586,4.897316801470591,5.703235294117648,84.45205882352944,68.48529411764707,9.447058823529412,27.294117647058826,9.188382445141503,1.8660764705882344,519,14,113,9,8,169,91,136,0.133,0.8540000000000001,0.013000000000000001,-0.9136,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,3,0,0,0,5,8,4,1,3,0,14,2,0,2,1,30,23,11,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,9,12,0,0,5,0,1,1,2,7,0,1,6,0,21,1,16,14,2,15,0,1,0,1,11,6,1,3,7,81,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265626806346488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19407997919396364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464806177613679,0.0,0.0,0.11831873274869373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19168023282765925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167682248393844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960898180540318,0.0,0.0,0.10426649337849743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950130435737258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613490390505245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082670139750842,0.0,0.0,0.3885225579508857,0.0,0.18760378395156244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235935947890578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18488798317669386,0.0,0.18524576154480696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243195660844681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.334036426746163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794166466393545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20980641756558766,0.0,0.2437698973393971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245596239555886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082114825122944,0.14562472869061893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554720679502688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814443178776422 bpd,EmotionalHumanoid,2020/03/11,"BPD, sudden changes, isolation and major decisions I really need to discuss how to choose 'a living location' with someone. I moved to Japan, I came to a rural area. And I would get overly emotional because there 'weren't enough people' what I meant by that I meant validation wise.",4.264705882352942,7.008419000000004,5.278196078431375,75.38788235294119,74.68627450980392,8.785882352941178,27.84705882352941,9.3871,3.0874988235294123,223,9,36,6,5,73,40,51,0.057,0.8440000000000001,0.099,0.25,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,11,7,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,0,6,1,7,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17926257588585046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703713527015674,0.0,0.0,0.3363381766672963,0.0,0.0,0.3110874726500102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307895998467289,0.0,0.30385331538987165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363963770004732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596695356222694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125502780927663,0.0,0.21804946268610287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038713765119287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883890173174419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491648810430578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20889916264217315,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pinkcherrydrop,2020/03/11,"Stress On ALL FRONTS TL;DR- family members telling me secrets that are very hard to not tell...I live with some family and am trying to keep this job but the stress is really getting to me and I'm still getting over a relationship that realistically speaking made no sense to begin with. Recently I had a family member tell me something serious. I can not do a single f\*cking thing about it, because they trust me not to tell anyone else in the family and other family members wouldn't even believe me! Work today sucked because I couldn't think about anything other than the fact that all I can do is go to work, try to not break down over my ex, and keep going. I've been going for months but dealing with all this stress by myself is not something I'm used to. I wasn't supportive enough for my ex and I'm too young for the type of commitment he wanted..but he was always there for me when I needed someone. Now keeping friends and not just discarding them before they discard me is obviously not going to work, and I don't know how much longer I can take other people's advice without cracking and just revealing everything that's been wrong with me for the past 3 months.",7.422402597402595,6.665222549783549,7.599751082251085,74.8624837662338,63.76190476190475,10.470562770562774,32.66991341991342,9.725611199111238,2.932993939393939,943,31,176,16,12,307,128,231,0.12,0.821,0.059000000000000004,-0.9079999999999999,1,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,3,3,11,9,1,3,8,0,19,0,0,3,6,44,40,12,0,3,12,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,11,12,0,3,4,0,0,5,13,6,0,0,6,2,22,3,29,32,7,21,0,0,0,0,15,5,1,1,10,123,33,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749458196051217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301705190597694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976185628542156,0.10222667184020018,0.0821026239222394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163834659393072,0.0,0.0848973505916321,0.11240719266974022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028590088763738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334545395060343,0.0,0.0,0.1030896011296954,0.0,0.0658974770367943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966729589588318,0.0,0.4702737598524898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708244401924502,0.0,0.10425194109128844,0.0,0.2268075068953826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937477479932307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900683053317512,0.2660418248139924,0.0,0.0,0.05483125985986724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809918304983973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944052633819772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927172910186949,0.0,0.07334280029576762,0.07397856464397175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524223548445916,0.06916830530353082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639155397318983,0.0,0.09851133645043264,0.10711618339435004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453522440358746,0.15361641688972494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967685349754328,0.0,0.3428603262629677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321838578190463,0.0,0.0,0.07501500253263088,0.0,0.34881527278018776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628308970623499,0.06392891050657244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457077208074068,0.0,0.0,0.13547524642762926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616968197744189,0.0,0.08232111474091024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617520568733576,0.0,0.217902345858922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908338405810718,0.0,0.0 bpd,1225_1225,2020/03/11,"GF with BPD, I have PTSD My (23M) gf (18F) has BPD and was diagnosed at a younger age. I love her to death but am wondering if there’s any way I could maybe be better for her in terms of being with someone with BPD. I’ve looked into it a lot since meeting her, and have out of curiosity before I met her. Not an expert though obvi. The only things that I guess concern me is her identity shifts, and how I should go about those (my fear is that I’m not in love with who I think I’m in love with but Ik that could be a wildly innacurrate statement)? Please try to take the age out of your consideration unless it’s absolutely necessary bc I’m tired of being told to just leave bc we are young lol. I’m her first serious relationship and all is very well so far. But she has had a rough period mentally, and went from promiscuous (previous to our relationship) to just HL (since she’s not the cheating type) to asexual in the course of the first few months. The main question I just wanna know is how I can be the best partner possible for someone with BPD, as well as maybe a perspective on what it’s like from her POV in her first serious relationship, secondary question I have is about the identity portion of BPD",2.661681125891654,4.417515129554656,4.236818970503183,85.63593792172742,75.84210526315789,8.105571621361097,24.717370348949288,8.841846274778883,1.7163273182957397,955,32,204,21,21,319,137,247,0.062,0.773,0.166,0.9868,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,2,1,0,5,12,12,1,1,14,1,23,5,0,2,1,42,40,16,1,5,11,0,1,1,3,1,2,0,0,1,10,15,0,0,7,0,0,2,3,4,2,3,5,2,26,8,38,27,7,23,0,0,1,3,28,11,0,6,10,141,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519158406342128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815741752253861,0.0,0.10060455234756772,0.08478492789286576,0.0,0.0,0.6036939535201382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153081030885455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730110140495453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787493709022944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24462852299137555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05448236953504093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560626208382222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052684975072453566,0.0,0.0,0.1015073437740875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046834866151896117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805025752093282,0.0,0.0,0.08150111574304167,0.2595661010278961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926188410159065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660951563274132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651864191087447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290976050484968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523113839244903,0.0,0.10807354384746724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206122116648846,0.0,0.21478179810321327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087698586396129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860127257004242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624524478127889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207865638309753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368854076712893,0.06142651226792437,0.09418701549437734,0.0,0.0,0.11018287864642767,0.0,0.09160325159884457,0.0,0.06508613881219905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909878213898015,0.0,0.07609328773685008,0.0,0.0,0.17238855158782046,0.08886794726700276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396165740125196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sabrinaissad,2020/03/11,Feeling unsafe with myself. Just want to get this out of my brain. I’m thinking about.. if the next time i have an episode what if i cannot control myself? i am afraid of how far i will go. because i’m sure you know how out of control we can feel. i am afraid of what i am capable of. the faint reminder that i will regret doing something extreme because in an hour i will be calm. i just hate feeling like my life is running water just going through my hands.. unable to catch on to any fucking thing.,1.432500000000001,3.4037064807692365,2.7621538461538457,93.78284615384615,80.34615384615384,4.544615384615385,24.823076923076925,4.935628992294339,0.3108992307692313,390,15,83,1,10,126,67,104,0.063,0.802,0.135,0.5423,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,1,1,0,2,6,8,2,2,4,0,12,6,2,4,1,21,25,4,0,4,5,0,4,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,5,4,1,2,5,0,0,4,1,5,0,0,0,4,16,3,15,21,0,12,0,1,0,1,2,5,1,2,4,59,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985191746656182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686580343356745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24599391677417465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4943035070916651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33426093199486084,0.15742476684509246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037186723606874,0.11512866770034498,0.0,0.2504705986283472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175592413759664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21700957611620408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110373830776415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556463288445402,0.10765644980069353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343546733741871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696433968354443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20768608371818145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463969635300912,0.14119737660733678,0.0,0.0,0.1284933116596241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997365656542184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,interplanetjanet97,2020/03/11,"Crazy Ex Girlfriend I can’t be the only one who watched Crazy Ex Girlfriend, thought “huh Rebecca Bunch is me” watched her get diagnosed with BPD, self diagnosed and then eventually ended up receiving that diagnosis from a doctor right)?? Not the only one?!!",5.651666666666667,8.355203444444445,5.841944444444442,73.21625000000002,70.1111111111111,9.833333333333336,35.694444444444436,10.125756701596842,4.358444444444444,205,11,33,6,4,65,37,45,0.129,0.871,0.0,-0.7117,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,3,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,2,3,0,3,3,1,5,0,0,2,0,8,2,0,0,2,20,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33177901161093754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5347488253700808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26963026273844864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333194877294393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763053424236532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35701197883966496,0.4006985350116193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22496652515488272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27481340827582457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20913282745974568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,714areacode,2020/03/11,"I have quiet BPD and while I want to be in a relationship, I can’t stop my disassociation and urges to run away. I see a therapist, who has been helping me tremendously, but I feel like I’ll never be able to get into a relationship because I’m too much. I’ve lost everyone I loved because of disorder and I just don’t think anyone would want to date me because I can’t provide the attention they deserve. I’ve never been in a relationship because of this. And I’m just losing all hope.",5.083933333333333,5.12018406,7.0760000000000005,74.01633333333336,68.4,10.266666666666667,32.66666666666667,10.125756701596842,3.1777666666666664,386,16,78,9,6,137,61,100,0.11699999999999999,0.71,0.17300000000000001,0.6752,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,2,3,5,0,0,5,0,10,1,0,0,3,19,21,6,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,3,3,12,3,10,15,2,10,0,2,1,1,7,4,0,1,6,52,14,0,0.16578484437253452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592061787490585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576031859135486,0.0,0.0,0.4042436094808166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20880020791360268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900037945762624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841452335138193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382579859197213,0.11843672594511688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866157386675352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112208658837278,0.0,0.0,0.1646617575558944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809941008444724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547083473200013,0.18097374154738136,0.0,0.14962729471868605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218709360624898,0.0,0.2557269845831288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5339726388302665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210905672875167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386035532493687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19248898218227628,0.0,0.10622823417530076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19556839309625426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177687968426902,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bstrong25,2020/03/11,I’m an FP Hi everyone! I’m an FP of someone with BPD and I need to know best how to help when they are experiencing stressors or triggers. I want to help as much as possible but frequently find myself sitting bewildered and unable to help. I would love it if you guys could give me a better understanding of what I can do to help.,3.4480882352941187,4.591912338235296,5.331647058823531,81.0604117647059,72.67647058823529,8.969411764705884,28.30588235294117,9.3871,2.368772941176471,261,10,55,6,5,90,50,68,0.026000000000000002,0.662,0.312,0.97,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,2,2,3,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,2,0,15,13,9,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,3,10,11,2,3,0,0,0,1,10,0,0,2,2,37,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285896331358649,0.1926449162610832,0.0,0.0,0.27433784285377744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739122926031894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081372382105576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19908438872464893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20895368921881988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21567697172669487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5840031259102756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970868954296895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19659189842452526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601234502591507,0.16151146354164975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455603763777656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845589716420345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22675927553728176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847643119830132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547337428642646,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Suffocation976,2020/03/11,"My girlfriend is refusing therapy because ""everyone goes through shit"" and ""thinking about suicide daily is normal"" First off I have to say that I have bipolar 2 and currently actively seeking help. Due to life circumstances I had to go away to my parents to deal with stuff. I have been there for a week now and might be stuck there for another 2 weeks. My girlfriend make it seems like she can't life without me like I have to come back right away because I spent too much time away from her. She is making me feel guilty for being away and doing everything possible to make me angry and me being bipolar in the middle of an hypomanic episode is actually extremely easy... Basically everytime I tell her about my problems she tell me to suck it up including what she said in the title. She tells me everyday she wants to kill herself but refuses therapy and she is even angry when I mention it and try to make me feel guilty for mentioning it. I really want to help her but I am in no state to do so. I harmed myself yesterday which is bad and she said that many people do it and it's fine?!?! I need help for myself which I will likely be getting next week. How can I help her from a distance? She told it's over and have a good life and everything for the 50th time so I am not overly worried about that. In her head she is a perfectly balanced human being at the moment. Anyway sorry for broken english my mind is slightly off right now.",3.9142989756722137,5.488738707746478,4.983982074263763,82.32241357234321,72.13380281690141,8.403072983354674,28.402048655569786,8.97023862654752,2.3268154929577465,1139,44,220,23,22,374,151,284,0.15,0.742,0.10800000000000001,-0.9229999999999999,2,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,2,15,12,3,0,9,0,29,7,2,5,1,36,49,17,2,5,4,1,2,3,2,2,5,3,0,1,14,13,0,2,4,0,1,2,4,6,0,1,7,5,45,6,42,35,1,36,0,0,0,0,36,17,2,2,19,168,59,0,0.0,0.0,0.09783818592678732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513015760283798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3767860013232924,0.07709287558186054,0.08371196120972396,0.12223374232462032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636413131825216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336248345049308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622003219797143,0.0,0.0,0.09580163828776254,0.1802123992703095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138778523580233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528013604117145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05238111689702085,0.0,0.05697942123401699,0.0840923759479137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289451617890123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688056049383139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109215752298724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21244739582199412,0.14694424579999255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26769427324952605,0.10164674891298284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635880785910694,0.10123286913046403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370179884676485,0.07434067513613919,0.0,0.0,0.10662643620030053,0.0,0.0982323969140078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132560042411717,0.0,0.0,0.06950687052436727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302680172853488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593418982537046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422839370062358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17124103916218253,0.1907382719237032,0.07972987044908121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127190169320802,0.0,0.0,0.10291428016877747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223158669650964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477240924625615,0.1096669213804818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628919910896321,0.0,0.2293094906466865,0.0,0.0,0.06424182992260426,0.0,0.0,0.11692349634491485,0.0,0.0,0.09580163828776254,0.0,0.06806918552782078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827054779799563,0.0,0.2412648325785988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966459643622756,0.0,0.0,0.10181774013606884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,graaaaaasstastesbad,2020/03/11,FP love them but not want to spend as much time as you do together? 1 yr plus in my first healthy relationship with FP. He does so much and I love him. I’m sick so I can’t do most of my extroverted coping skills that keep me from being clingy. And he just doesn’t want to be around me for a long time cause he’s an introvert and getting over a hangover. Just feels really lonely. Idk. Not spiraling but definitely feeling the emptiness tonight,1.02990909090909,3.51439178888889,2.547575757575757,91.37045454545456,86.66666666666666,6.383838383838384,21.51515151515152,7.686295010490155,0.9660000000000006,351,12,76,7,11,114,67,90,0.18899999999999997,0.6779999999999999,0.133,-0.594,0,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,2,5,3,0,0,4,0,6,3,0,1,0,19,15,10,0,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,2,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,2,9,2,12,13,3,8,0,1,0,2,9,3,0,1,5,47,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22296779243907816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25729751898681624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21918443586284755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532862143636949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21304620441261665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085811838311626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226256396568192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216544791492248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4521105874487469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682425763276193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604548975722894,0.0,0.0,0.2689066900939793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29209741282437085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954626067903937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bujowatay,2020/03/11,"I'm seeing a guy who has bpd I don't have bpd, I'm here because a guy I'm seeing (nothing serious yet, we're just getting to know each other) has it, and I wanted to learn more. Not that I wanna fix him, I just wanna understand him! But now, tbh, I'm feeling paranoid and I'm questioning everything :( . He's a pretty interesting guy but if this is going to hurt him I don't want it! I don't want him to get attached to me cause if things don't work out, it's gonna ""destroy"" him apparently.... Please tell me about your positive/negative experience, I want to know what I'm getting myself into",0.3670857142857145,2.52327232,3.373742857142858,86.77730000000004,85.80000000000003,6.451428571428572,22.52857142857143,7.7094869923839395,1.2112971428571426,460,17,98,9,14,164,73,125,0.134,0.794,0.073,-0.5904,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,1,6,4,1,0,3,0,8,0,0,1,0,25,29,6,0,8,7,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,9,5,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,0,3,16,1,11,28,2,5,0,1,2,0,13,2,0,3,2,61,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749942402575436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4028837964153415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643049392227212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374594769823534,0.15645439226871996,0.0,0.0,0.08087170101922438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25068996318817105,0.0,0.09089897185482004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4751044711771451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712216849948242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580035916766612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346908033993215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556876414550596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16271895704167225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17917213207985486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254906826231478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979673819880592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625864704622308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665057158183356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773527692178785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643999780228118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sammijt,2020/03/11,"Oh look there’s my new personality! Anyone else fucking exhausted from being a new person every four fucking months? I’m scared of myself sometimes. Literally four months ago I was living on a ranch wearing cowboy hats and riding horses and now I’m back in CA and I got super into sneakers and cars and gold jewelry and like, frank ocean?? There’s of course relationships happening at the same time which have came and gone as fast as my new f*cking hobbies. And i just feel like that girl i was is a separate person! And these are all things I have always liked a little bit but then I just dip into obsessive territory and change my wardrobe, music taste and even my dating and friend choices and scarily my decision making and behaviors. I’m just exhausted. Anyone else?",5.365184952978055,7.177176979310348,6.07090909090909,75.01545454545456,68.86206896551724,8.858934169278996,28.35423197492163,9.339509955726095,2.663758620689655,622,22,105,13,11,203,96,145,0.069,0.836,0.095,0.5685,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,8,11,2,2,5,0,7,6,1,1,1,26,19,18,0,0,4,0,1,3,1,0,2,0,0,4,4,17,1,0,2,0,0,4,0,6,0,2,5,3,12,5,10,13,3,22,0,0,1,2,6,6,2,0,15,66,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691015567126615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912758468838475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20021335983052785,0.29338590632795986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008766872492316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563028215718911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637465185970307,0.0,0.0,0.15145319252883152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391976683329452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456138342930503,0.0,0.12062555879629702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072390248966267,0.10227953949653908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061155710865676,0.26471377297830795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450485480120193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266033506395262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098345577405021,0.14349235680786102,0.126420327496497,0.0,0.12022540508770806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556602426173784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285513151989248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4148188226273888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3750273955961295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370929123403715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333655263993106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159721661627736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511472885510668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348265021007605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ghostghoul04,2020/03/11,"Should I go to DBT group tomorrow? I’m terrified? I’m 19. I started going to therapy last month because I thought I was bipolar. I see my therapist once a week. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder and social anxiety and seasonal depression. Not on any medication. There is a DBT group therapy of 6 girls (19-22 years old) that started at the end of February. The first meet was the 26th and then last Wednesday. With another therapist who I’ve never met. I didn’t show up at the last two (they didn’t put me on the list though so it didn’t matter but this week they did). I currently don’t have a job or any friends (haven’t had friends or a job in months, can’t keep either). And i sit in my house most of the time or take my dogs for walks sometimes (but that causes anxiety if it’s crowded on the walking trail). I am supposed to see my therapist Thursday and group is tomorrow and I got a group text message as confirmation that group is tomorrow and there’s other girls replying. I never said anything. Someone is bringing their cat and snacks for the group. I’m scared there might be people I went to school with there at group (I was bullied a lot and virtually had no friends all 4 years and sat alone at lunch a lot, I have RBF so I guess that doesn’t help and a strong fight or flight response and tend to come off rude when I feel uncomfortable and I shut down). There is someone in the group named Rachel and I knew 3 Rachel’s that went to that school that absolutely hated my guts for no reason and made my life hell. Idk if it’s her because I don’t know the last name. I’m also scared they are going to judge me (you know the looks on peoples faces to know they are judging you, that certain look and then the way they look at others after looking at you or if they start whispering) and won’t like me for whatever reason. I’m having massive anxiety thinking about it, my therapist thinks it would be good for me to try it out so we can use some of what they teach me there in our 1 on 1 sessions and so I can potential try to make friends. She also told me about meet me.com meet ups and I’m too scared to do that, I don’t trust people and I hate driving. Driving gives me massive anxiety. Hell going to the grocery store is a complete nightmare which is why my parents go most of the time for me. I always feel like people hate me.",2.50315747875914,4.335330443983402,3.7703615886188513,88.47131396957123,76.5103734439834,7.246077850227227,25.791543173285913,8.11559375814309,1.5053958111045251,1862,69,395,32,42,608,224,482,0.159,0.757,0.084,-0.99,4,1,0,0,1,0,44.0,2,3,8,2,17,21,7,3,23,0,38,8,2,6,4,70,87,41,0,5,12,1,2,2,4,4,4,2,0,3,21,26,2,1,11,1,1,14,15,11,0,2,20,10,56,10,50,61,7,68,2,1,6,0,46,21,2,15,33,249,77,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749888657264222,0.0,0.11580314870628705,0.0602460548037112,0.0,0.0,0.09847461267643967,0.07592206661301547,0.2215559130076936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059582448024652214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827379829665044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743790089480874,0.0,0.062369766016050876,0.07591437603204658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062361590192542775,0.07348869038465441,0.0,0.0,0.08298143121947918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412858815571425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321942970444947,0.05172554079666187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158693487119873,0.0,0.0,0.22375707352494364,0.0,0.0,0.0694566603253197,0.20574474123984984,0.06072916767121728,0.057908214757222576,0.0,0.07976133656143282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21445233125020505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04853097700370913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354467046792899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369989782337653,0.06435613724264745,0.0,0.0,0.11937428554613347,0.23607619077649075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05114119394199941,0.07074602297704656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432050095755416,0.0,0.0,0.12311084200202682,0.0,0.06851055946808325,0.04833033381903881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729395660354633,0.0,0.07680936354785838,0.0,0.0,0.11558460701568507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168509149764552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597597804152048,0.07710805907404354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803962425611888,0.0,0.0,0.20078369040210772,0.06322051294019188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278617111913907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888705470633462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688729291234884,0.0,0.2174675620674017,0.1465537349933899,0.11539347020784985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738069150950817,0.1226956063925436,0.0,0.07160955789233736,0.0,0.15374409476176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544389116443201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560091624369838,0.3362672050016344,0.0,0.09278731435278104,0.0711367119177183,0.05748080922223747,0.08443888680982688,0.0,0.0,0.06918527023613227,0.0,0.09831533321695332,0.0,0.07072833596180078,0.0,0.0,0.06253394048142015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057471045878202724,0.11615648708280152,0.0,0.0,0.13423874894579593,0.06533348561244874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051433832344227465,0.0,0.0,0.09325180030314716 bpd,supersassysara,2020/03/11,"DAE feels breakdowns coming a long time in advance? Like I can feel it coming a few days in advance sometimes. Just little things irritate me more and more, and I can’t control my feelings as much. Then I have a big explosion and then I’m better for at least a little bit.",3.8568181818181806,5.03226590909091,4.790681818181817,85.20602272727272,71.72727272727272,6.954545454545455,28.29545454545455,7.1686216300943375,1.5170909090909093,215,8,42,2,4,70,41,55,0.05,0.8440000000000001,0.106,0.4364,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,10,9,6,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,3,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,5,9,6,15,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,6,30,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21935030482571735,0.2707696161653808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.427288245583935,0.0,0.0,0.27817142335555145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995002647332604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762135525691134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116825976276532,0.497155073527062,0.0,0.21948666321504326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18232055278577644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24529450977083736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16477104101365134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462032691747742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Gunmouth44,2020/03/11,Questions So I have been on and off with this women for 4 years or so. As we have been on and off again she has dated others and recently told me she was still in love with a former partner. She has wild mood swings from being super loving to almost abusive. I love her and I know that she still goes untreated with her bpd but I need to figure out what is best for her and I. It has been a struggle to continue on the roller coaster ride however I really don’t want to give up on her as she struggles all the time with ppl getting frustrated and leaving. What next? What should I do?,1.9368595041322287,3.814002024793393,3.3280991735537206,90.79396694214876,78.33884297520659,6.383471074380165,21.743801652892564,7.348242739294969,0.6687454545454554,459,13,98,6,11,150,79,121,0.1,0.763,0.13699999999999998,0.5959,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,2,5,9,1,2,4,0,14,3,0,0,1,22,23,12,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,7,12,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,5,0,18,5,22,16,2,20,0,0,0,3,18,9,0,3,10,80,25,0,0.0,0.22271864405001585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882289702984069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19726728579526226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367468765240384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820874122810408,0.1803219444540773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330568341309493,0.0,0.0,0.19903749609085128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5089620602587952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938045921244724,0.0,0.0,0.19991265366595945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105740811989769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042106144552416,0.0,0.18560180747183566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30023281696626986,0.0,0.0,0.3930228150992041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960924543283272,0.0,0.0,0.17961736711968446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087203091177382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210491972673854 bpd,mnbell2013,2020/03/11,"New relationship worries I’ll try to make this brief... I (25f) met my boyfriend of two months (28M) on a dating app. Things were great right from the start. He is attentive, kind, hilarious, and very similar to me in personality. He is admittedly a bit of an introvert and has told me that he’s only had one serious girlfriend since high school. That was 5-6 years ago, and she cheated on him. In the 5 years since, he’s dated very little (like, 1-2 dates and a handful of conversations with girls). Then we met. I was dx with BPD in October 2019. Around the time of my diagnosis I was hitting the dating scene hard. I met several men online and none of them worked out for various reasons, and I was dumped a couple times. The pain was excruciating, some worse than others. Not too long into my current relationship, I began to experience a very strong fear of my boyfriend either cheating on me or losing interest and gradually fading away. When I’m with him, which is several days a week, I tend to see little things that trigger my anxiety. Things like, he once silenced his phone for a little while. Or he will take longer to respond to my text (while being intermittently active on Snapchat). I feel so compelled to check his location on Snap and hate myself for it. I’m so afraid of driving him away with my insecurities. I have discussed this with him and he’s reassured me that he’s not talking to anyone else. Things have been going great so far, but I’m finding it impossible to escape my fear. It consumes me. I am working with my therapist but would love to hear some other input.",4.452121512533637,5.96162600651466,5.6436652032290056,78.37425293867726,70.69381107491857,8.726752584619744,28.657272341028186,9.20300075937882,2.424802124344994,1252,47,240,26,23,417,180,307,0.11,0.8,0.09,-0.4943,1,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,1,0,1,4,6,20,4,4,13,0,18,4,1,4,0,37,38,20,0,1,7,0,3,2,1,2,2,1,0,3,16,19,0,0,5,0,1,3,3,11,0,2,13,5,34,9,41,21,6,44,0,1,1,1,36,19,0,4,24,152,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925913748544876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990633908918221,0.0,0.0,0.07303603936537455,0.10702454932054807,0.0,0.0929854084043122,0.0,0.0,0.1962742602438136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403573706476625,0.0,0.13155502864152294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557537346801147,0.0,0.06736361125272626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725716573188946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217517924093786,0.0,0.2350775646477336,0.052814628131158135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546824524209332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05936310644530294,0.0,0.0,0.23031983306283405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356946500689578,0.1031258157619078,0.0,0.0,0.11772624026173956,0.0,0.0,0.1103604398431032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087718347244938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206102151773587,0.31406835475875183,0.0,0.0924377105898254,0.0,0.11685630593544005,0.0,0.0,0.09427300498865054,0.0,0.06972325838676001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337347152061321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088145927443666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123914737793993,0.07078012691877973,0.07944129285653112,0.11114546774537558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120442195944607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073951881296968,0.0,0.22428708763282454,0.0,0.08920238057384952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571211830181494,0.08323560074684809,0.0,0.0,0.2360045535217169,0.0,0.17280937496451088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739324450261363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853573528134213,0.08395544883362717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127810511877007,0.2775760053881988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181489051939325,0.0,0.0,0.09980941764841307,0.0,0.07091680151571499,0.0,0.10203550552732933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585542514330317,0.0,0.0,0.08378597996546581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208620830316086,0.106077197957027,0.10644663722701504,0.0742004885748415,0.0,0.0,0.13452874941669876 bpd,lsd_zeppelin,2020/03/12,Anyone with BPD in a relationship with or has been in a relationship with someone who has AVPD (Avoidant Personality Disorder)? My boyfriend was just pretty much diagnosed with AVPD and I’d like to hopefully hear some of your guys’ experiences possibly? I feel it’d be super helpful,8.569333333333333,9.4712738,8.846,61.326333333333366,61.0,13.06666666666667,40.66666666666667,12.45797560212912,5.700666666666668,230,12,37,8,3,76,40,50,0.0,0.721,0.27899999999999997,0.9378,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,1,4,0,1,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,11,9,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,3,8,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,3,1,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259298812046638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292868088069401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360168374169855,0.0,0.0,0.2665037961384904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22746260406344446,0.0,0.0,0.11757603888344703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302449479558764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26208240959762275,0.0,0.15586245515083616,0.0,0.0,0.23095845830525336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360423294710505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093904451770606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20303948057753732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26214683758992186,0.0,0.23657039704973784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4993083974970666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19702507170936293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,labradf0rd,2020/03/12,"Do you feel like this? I'm a male. At some point, my government-sponsored shrink wrote down that I have BPD, for ""statistical purposes"" along with all my other diagnosis. Told me not to overthink it. Back then, I read about it and I do have all the underlying symptoms (constant mood swings, fear of rejection/abandonment, chronic feeling of emptiness, dissociation, self-harm, etc) and common co-morbidity (severe depression, alcoholism/substance abuse disorder, anxiety, etc). I feel angry and depressed all the time. I'm angry at you, I'm angry at me, I'm angry at myself for putting myself in a position where I know I will get angry. I harm myself through substance abuse, I've ODed multiple times, I've attempted suicide and failed. But I've matured too. I'm 26 and I've learned to have a routine, if I do my routine I feel at peace. But my mood goes from peaceful/hopeful to angry/depressed back and forth very fast, it feels like waterboarding, I can't control this no matter how much I meditate or try thinking positive, and I'm mostly swinging from bad mood to bad mood. I'm angry/paranoid at my colleagues all day long, everyone goes from ""I respect you"" to ""you're a gigantic idiot"" very fast. I put this friendly persona facade and it drains my energy. I've been psychotic before, I've been to the psych ward. When I'm too stressed I feel disoriented or get delusional, similar to being psychotic but I'm aware of it; when I've been psychotic I wasn't fully aware of it. I hate humanity (including myself thanks to one of my doctors pointing it out) but I still crave hope, it's hard to explain. I have troubles recognizing myself in a mirror or camera when there's more people/objects, when I recognize myself I stare at the image and get in an aggressive mood. At some point in my life I was very clingy, I had ""friends"" but I ruined all my relationships due to my erratic behaviour and substance abuse. I don't really desire or want relationships, can't tell if this is a learned behaviour/coping mechanism or simply maturing. Now I'm aware of me being clingy and I don't act on it. Basically I've been rejected for my idiocy, multiple times in humilliating ways, all my life. If I don't have any relationships there's no risk of rejection. I don't really have any chaotic relationships because I don't have any relationships at all, not even with my parents. Do any of this sound familiar to you?",4.798319327731092,6.500110089324622,6.1576868969810175,74.27301960784314,70.1111111111111,9.777304699657641,32.28639900404606,10.09235958154656,3.5671421226268283,1917,88,341,52,35,647,208,459,0.20199999999999999,0.742,0.055999999999999994,-0.9963,1,1,1,0,3,1,78.0,0,4,0,3,16,28,3,3,11,0,29,5,0,2,7,58,57,30,1,6,15,1,7,2,2,1,5,1,0,2,16,15,0,1,11,1,0,3,12,16,0,1,9,9,54,7,48,45,14,45,0,6,1,0,18,22,0,12,21,217,70,6,0.0,0.3039677901152667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232615526252946,0.0,0.0654195836596916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315132070800888,0.14280474565985948,0.05212982180643432,0.0,0.07276790390705601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770453633799824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241252568295208,0.09591357953132458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05515081096442419,0.0,0.22096467901233333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800886120651904,0.08752935361984754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19074611689949586,0.0564825785883066,0.0,0.0,0.08171429979526401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622938919667604,0.2594370626559882,0.12218544014656944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213905593577638,0.0,0.13403590062448908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660562996359206,0.08442944588138954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493678443795323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04699741300264917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120805103149884,0.08355769531778005,0.0,0.0,0.07567905888533094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628641742881769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05794792362141351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949555106836424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425210717895416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17193460363684532,0.0,0.0,0.08553924347623414,0.0,0.10956760890573236,0.0,0.0,0.4590614480788596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921194434240377,0.09660885362268032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682932692071227,0.0,0.09795840545937534,0.0,0.0,0.0935407353305464,0.0,0.0,0.08888397309772465,0.0,0.0,0.07474484207721573,0.07873173690696296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05479526491941632,0.0,0.0,0.14959537964382502,0.0,0.0,0.08171429979526401,0.0,0.05805981956521819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116792193835101,0.05043961237221357,0.06787870100688306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,princesskenobi,2020/03/12,"I'm afraid my favorite person will leave me if I tell him I've fallen in love with him again. I'm sorry for any mistakes, english isn't my first language. My fp is borderline too and he sees me as a very close friend (the only one who understands him, he said once), he lives in another state and we talk frequently, share friends and have weekly rpg sessions. Six months ago he was going to a college near my house and we were seeing each other every week so I caught feelings for him, who dealt amazingly staying by my side teaching me how to have friends (I only had romantic relationships before) and eventually I met another guy and fell in love with him(but he didn't become my fp). Until a couple days ago where this guy started to treat me bad, we had a fight and haven't talked since and I realized yesterday that I'm falling again for my fp but he's in a bad place and I'm afraid that if I tell him he will leave thinking thats the best for me. I don't know how to keep this secret because he's the only one who I don't lie to. This indecision is killing me, and I'd thank any help.",4.001468428781205,4.546079308370047,5.023013215859031,86.00418208516888,70.89427312775331,8.167870778267256,27.908663729809106,8.238735603445708,1.6557779148311305,861,29,186,12,15,283,125,227,0.10800000000000001,0.758,0.134,0.7899,0,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,3,0,0,2,7,18,2,3,8,0,15,2,0,2,0,31,34,18,1,3,3,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,3,10,17,0,1,6,0,0,5,5,8,0,4,8,4,29,10,19,24,2,29,0,0,2,2,38,9,0,3,13,107,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100500749753039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114041349508007,0.24847243111522024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978510732741604,0.07222407873307023,0.1308514355677653,0.10081743307196593,0.0,0.1243370551404554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109544976736,0.0,0.07640955551464405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982419269396887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05990685750253165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077870713386324,0.0,0.0,0.2746111893991107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733470033898349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23462690900045946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941439411793637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670957801830688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531013308273184,0.1310801490691962,0.0,0.06511330250768271,0.0,0.0,0.25090562813492834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461967810450776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21386497173341745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456930503180336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617693215834508,0.16056971817748786,0.27032727746304797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034518371758058,0.12378598934467228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720277576422662,0.0,0.0,0.11270125340875335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888258404734394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980075688064255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262823832030274,0.08386048724977324,0.12628351432283633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904588667119676,0.2071128260948482,0.1090801189820681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591695867356467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334146636182287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775809749025756,0.0,0.0,0.19007441461241487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Key-1234,2020/03/12,"..I am borderline.. Hey dudes. I have autism and adhd and bipolar, depression and i also have Borderline Personality Disorder. Anxiety too. I have unstable emotions and feelings (sad boi) and my identity is always changing. I also am really angry sometimes and cry when people and teachers at my high school shout at me because im silly and unique (they dont understand the struggle) My parents are also really mean to me because of my wierd interests with anime toys (because of my autism and im 15) and i just feel like a failure. How can I feel better about myself and get a stronger self of identity. I also have a sexual fetish/kink and when i told my friends about it they just thought i was wierd and they abandoned me and because of that i started crying because of my abandonment issues and now i literally have no friends left and im just really embarrased. It's so hard to keep friends and relationships with BPD. How can I get better? Peace out! :)))))",3.4005954573357897,5.97817705524862,4.890782688766117,77.90816912216087,76.79005524861878,8.221117249846532,29.94505831798649,8.998388855275968,3.050487783916513,761,36,131,19,18,254,99,181,0.172,0.6940000000000001,0.134,-0.8249,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,3,2,16,13,0,1,4,0,13,1,0,2,0,34,24,26,0,0,3,1,4,1,3,0,1,1,0,2,3,20,0,3,6,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,5,27,8,14,21,0,9,0,4,0,0,12,5,0,0,5,93,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357187087021945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612371117063523,0.09396597187608988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639037343811228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442023413468281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997530411525157,0.0,0.0,0.14223011818021505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119463904744942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248094400456119,0.0,0.0,0.09726557945201328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942641402183466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235194317743565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702992155253476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713008817293,0.08067649786547122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617459883442754,0.0,0.11800147969246907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116219960131367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193156853325388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659480857136964,0.1178685327661301,0.0,0.10037648111397783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226976854296257,0.0,0.0,0.05517140356381362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301278376563254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539428668087,0.0,0.0,0.07829074728201035,0.09860524411573757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21703562115268,0.0,0.0,0.12124348004681333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429017373496544,0.0,0.0,0.11780957254286326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168966540454862,0.0,0.0799317251647849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805790695068527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896530091537037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790849589121336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756306830522795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sadfoxofthemoom,2020/03/12,"I need help I have bpd and i don’t know what to do,because I am always scared that my friends lose interest in me...I feel like they only care if I sh or something,so I want to sh again...",-0.501046511627905,0.8640732558139561,2.049011627906978,99.51909883720931,83.88372093023256,5.230232558139536,20.05232558139535,5.985473137389443,-0.3108558139534883,142,4,38,1,4,49,34,43,0.121,0.539,0.341,0.8481,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,1,6,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,8,3,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,8,4,3,8,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,2,2,20,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661690405973549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19499826402787546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4028825897740669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261429679774325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174291761523166,0.2285251310327913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471415173203062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144114437105652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579983264371218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627912170540115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578682749937923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23718986791239796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24328613000611204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32025960065001285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886758195211516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bluefirepit,2020/03/12,"I just want this to go away I feel like I’m at the end of my rope. I turned 20 a couple of days ago and I should be living my life but...I just can’t. I destroyed my relationship with my fucking paranoia and abandonment issues, fuck self fulfilling prophecies. This just sucks. What am I supposed to do? A few months ago, I spent 2 months in a clinic because of my eating disorder, intensive therapy and all. I’ve been in therapy for the last 3 years and I do all the stuff I’m supposed to do but I’m so tired. My family tries to support me but I can feel them getting annoyed. Can’t blame them since I take so much of their energy and they have their own issues. I’m ashamed of myself. Everyone expected such great things from me, family, teachers, even other students. But I was forced to put my education on hold (university) since I can’t even finish reading a fucking book let alone study for an exam. I just want this to go away and lead a “normal”life without sudden emotional outbursts, paranoia, mood swings and this constant feeling of emptiness inside of me. I’m sorry, just needed to get this off my chest.",1.702126696832579,4.211988660633484,3.2883692307692343,87.2316307692308,83.20814479638008,6.250932126696832,24.224615384615394,7.554174236665415,1.3816000361990954,878,34,171,15,25,289,128,221,0.193,0.7290000000000001,0.078,-0.9765,0,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,5,1,10,12,6,1,9,0,14,8,1,1,2,30,37,12,0,5,9,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,9,8,1,2,3,2,1,4,4,8,0,0,3,3,30,3,26,31,5,22,0,1,0,3,7,7,4,0,12,113,39,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21242414001961946,0.0,0.0,0.12409606336585136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225147272117962,0.0,0.0,0.07304038246777841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948147503283985,0.0,0.0,0.13257713990623812,0.0,0.07727316508403045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732263912845338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260446815869645,0.0,0.1347799381425464,0.10612382601394747,0.0,0.0,0.1582782752711063,0.0,0.0,0.11449192618180234,0.0,0.0,0.2259088601317763,0.0,0.18175184209407247,0.08559852087579689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323114407915581,0.12520067665398454,0.0,0.13619148495585204,0.0,0.0,0.13210056699321052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501192374365396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766825263315647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252276398589065,0.0846315087253747,0.05853737661715407,0.0,0.10580212910227416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912763258570204,0.0,0.08808054918313156,0.0888440661570547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045091249027662,0.0,0.0,0.1198511493614467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864046943568694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499706136841353,0.0,0.0,0.19823057451006745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341272526125966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716377341752106,0.0,0.13596886888805199,0.0,0.0,0.0900887693598116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740463080291683,0.0,0.07960223661131273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771399801100953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813490489723929,0.1303283656746782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134437646354048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550097488205688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715933030389621 bpd,42purringkittens,2020/03/12,"I was in love with him and then one day I realized it passed So I started dating my current boyfriend and I was crazy about him for the first two weeks and then... Little things started to mount and mount and mount and then one day it just... Went away. I woke up one morning with terrible anxiety because I realized I have to break his heart. I'm more of a quiet bpd and I've been in therapy for a really long time so I've never yelled at him, I've never even had a proper argument with him and I'm really good at managing my rage but I feel like I'm at the brink of a breakdown. I feel like I gave him hope for a better future and then it just turned out to be a fleeting fling. Things he does that I used to consider adorable started driving me crazy. I can't even stand the idea of looking at him, it's that bad. Every little thing he does makes me cringe, gives me this visceral reaction. I'm not attracted to him at all anymore, it's like even the biological attraction took eternal vacation; when he touches me I just shrink inside, I want to scream at him to stop. And it's not a momentary thing, it's been like this for the past two weeks. I really don't understand what happened and I had a breakdown during my therapy session for the first time in 2 years because I realized I will never be truly happy and I will find faults in everything and everyone. I think the reason why I can't stand him is... At first he seemed really confident which is something I'm attracted to. But then as the relationship started to unfold, I realized he's really self-conscious and awfully clingy. He constantly asks me for validation and he's rather childish; I feel more like a mother than a girlfriend most of the time around him and that's not my dream scenario for a partnership. I have lots of problems of my own and I feel like being around him might make me lose some of my therapeutic progress. Not to mention... Our sex life was also one great disappointment and after two failed attempts I just don't want him to ever touch me in such a context ever again. But despite all of this I still think he's a nice person. And I really don't want to break his heart. And it pains me I will have to say it to his face. I wish I had been more careful during the first weeks. I should have recognized I was projecting something onto him. That my vision of him wasn't real. Sorry for an incoherent post, I just felt like venting. Can anyone relate to just going cold on someone like this?",3.26436,4.857710116000003,4.601400000000002,84.33670000000002,73.84,8.120000000000001,26.1,8.769984970463412,1.89184,1958,68,397,39,40,649,216,500,0.124,0.727,0.149,0.9238,2,0,2,0,0,0,46.0,1,0,0,9,22,30,1,0,24,1,31,7,3,4,7,79,69,33,0,8,14,1,7,8,1,5,2,4,0,1,23,26,0,1,16,1,0,5,13,10,0,11,16,13,67,20,58,45,9,71,0,3,1,2,36,22,0,6,47,277,90,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058279348795040674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05575035945062372,0.0,0.07227395271772664,0.05095697655382608,0.0,0.0,0.1297511561984514,0.06812973440560567,0.0,0.06846991542989647,0.0,0.06084887319985732,0.08884973401615734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445338411221088,0.0,0.0,0.0917854605517138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430249725682833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787536580997688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939986885656234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754951584175694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440281714616346,0.1318420191506954,0.06140163450209327,0.06963666429826178,0.0654967418859573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473942886697313,0.20825208069922554,0.06997291427547048,0.0,0.0666078442465843,0.247955016676066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699098250515568,0.04141742144809786,0.061125390531824635,0.0,0.08034665101807292,0.0,0.0,0.06444449037401832,0.07757844006593295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271811961214498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238285537903341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226875168909094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051474860793293664,0.2848304002094835,0.1460828921246947,0.0,0.06449345134462765,0.06119794556581296,0.08153021567790499,0.0,0.06195703468896902,0.06577392950942035,0.0,0.09729132285217716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731050043007501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16862065864303932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19753213888468346,0.0,0.07754578483687867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695689108480586,0.0,0.06363299039454863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979558767304075,0.0,0.0,0.0697330138711041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294946588817252,0.2801194950620113,0.07492922851609556,0.0,0.07824213884775709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05795435571080191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634407189345279,0.07602613294285666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061748062297565666,0.11220785355403888,0.0,0.08157932855981677,0.2063295819707292,0.0,0.05819930506071415,0.060928056998685164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668136689483384,0.0,0.19366375999267074,0.09339269816637084,0.0,0.0,0.12748470290914535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096852587189199,0.0,0.07926875677344639,0.21356939291859614,0.07586705619266626,0.0,0.06294193844570549,0.0,0.0,0.12895342784183764,0.0,0.17537151194415765,0.0,0.0,0.06755728975439512,0.06575974899716963,0.0,0.0838044331854924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046930107310092006 bpd,Daddyisthebull,2020/03/12,"Does it ever get better? Hey, I’m going through DBT right now and I just want to know if it ever really gets better. Currently, no matter how “fulfilling” my life looks from the outside, I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I have no identity, no passions, nothing. I make friends easily but they all feel like they’re missing something. Authenticity, maybe, and I see people I’ve known for a long time instantly click with people and it just sends me spiraling. So, for people who have gone through DBT for awhile. Does it ever get better? Do you feel like you belong? I’m just feeling pretty hopeless rn I guess. Sorry if I used the wrong flair, I’m pretty much a lurker lol.",2.028346055979643,4.644934022900762,3.489282442748096,85.60120101781173,82.81679389312978,5.936081424936387,21.71043256997456,7.3011,1.0037629516539446,531,17,98,8,15,174,84,131,0.138,0.627,0.235,0.9371,1,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,2,1,3,9,11,0,0,4,1,4,2,0,3,4,26,24,8,0,3,6,0,4,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,6,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,1,7,13,8,8,23,2,11,0,2,3,1,7,1,0,3,10,54,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36510828660350825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408427208156901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734219263852253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783142004235642,0.29492074548535924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631531012086498,0.0,0.215682914355737,0.0,0.07820558474800872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159031352344018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562555223163532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719633544078976,0.20168440498800372,0.0,0.0,0.12177841831955705,0.11555574806482825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918541585706473,0.0,0.1382453555497821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115743808837234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203822797790088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861994033444339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27999285196217105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815496854825583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175161603128048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965546141452147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059370730202176,0.0,0.15404047065956122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802401130478373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188488063528551,0.0,0.0,0.08116454281820272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045233649150547,0.0,0.0 bpd,bryeor,2020/03/12,"just got diagnosed i had my suspicions for a while and i’m in therapy (have been since october) for just general therapy and i got diagnosed earlier today with bpd. my psych is putting me on lexapro to help the depression and anxiety i already have. i’m really scared. everyone close to me seemed like they knew. my therapist suggested it multiple times. my boyfriend is immensely supportive and has been by my side through every episode and knew it was coming before i did and he’s loved me even when i would yell at him that i hate him and throw temper tantrums at the slightest mood change. i have an unbelievable support system and i’m really lucky...but i’m still so scared. having the label changes a lot for me personally. i don’t know how to think of myself anymore...i never really had an identity and now it feels like with this label slapped on it’s just more constricting. idk. scared of change. any advice on coming to terms on living w/ bpd?",2.757131147540981,5.4489274863388,4.034237704918033,82.43627459016396,80.14754098360655,8.687322404371585,26.63633879781421,9.255337874911486,2.8174483060109297,762,32,142,23,20,249,113,183,0.146,0.76,0.095,-0.8707,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,0,9,13,3,3,7,0,15,3,0,1,1,29,33,13,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,6,14,0,1,6,0,0,4,2,7,0,0,10,2,21,5,20,22,3,22,0,1,0,1,8,9,0,2,10,91,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170550621702382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218860187961126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814596797418994,0.0,0.0916371906829995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193042989421727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017365926744793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801582114941422,0.2063728316226323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317288948312874,0.2431637970714377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911858398990852,0.0,0.10092622441474168,0.1144621908757298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06056821278603493,0.0855762896294332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19161018257762927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182654611765738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029110725772823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583213551670815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704434712850754,0.0,0.1057746506695418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101839138938193,0.10811299119538663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923875863846847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459391709714784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041962954422912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23021702313648396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597848720353585,0.0,0.0,0.1090501375542063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908954549750297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566253685216472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27186711138230385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739751340073917,0.13908264314346694,0.0,0.0767550610848644,0.0,0.0,0.06984911633916646,0.0,0.1135446440488576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509367839659923,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hamhavana,2020/03/12,"Why am I like this This illness, this way in which I react to situations destroys every single aspect of my life. I’m having a breakdown and can’t stop crying, so not only am I ruining my girlfriends dnd game and her birthday weekend, but I’m swirling with horrible negative thoughts about how she doesn’t love me and how nobody cares and even though I KNOW they aren’t rational conclusions, I can’t bring myself down or accept that because I’m fucking stupid I guess. I hate this. It ruins my life. I used to have the option of suicide, at least, but now I’m a little older and understand what that would do to the people around me. And my girlfriend just came in to check if I was ok, then left to play dnd. Now I’m more confused than ever and I can’t ever trust what I feel",5.621257861635221,5.267264207547168,6.291194968553463,81.42408805031448,67.30188679245283,8.827672955974844,30.24528301886793,8.167268648758528,2.0120113207547177,615,20,124,7,9,202,104,159,0.22399999999999998,0.632,0.14400000000000002,-0.9509,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,1,12,14,4,1,4,1,12,5,0,4,2,33,29,16,1,2,6,0,1,1,2,1,3,0,0,0,10,10,0,1,6,3,1,2,7,7,0,0,3,1,21,7,15,25,3,18,0,2,0,2,7,7,1,5,9,89,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695595364703755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610932924754624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178480360454585,0.19419783780870115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092234055869356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125804272617917,0.3445837757363598,0.160479998633301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630784032088126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608733318912054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20982523617967305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18805063954429568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467785829710956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20694725520628054,0.0,0.26907054369946803,0.09305448993133517,0.19090194030356344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17190747776297002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486174792921702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132048581041518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140973393111768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592422511740358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20834431540702947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871367509956941,0.15121266632192515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982869865409948,0.0,0.16450575424665245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118698224921132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187041541756068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353051050108853,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TechGodMommy,2020/03/12,"So I just need to vent and some advice So first of all I have BPD and PTSD. Last week me and my boyfriend got into it because I had a migraine and my boyfriend got mad at our son for crying and just let him scream his head off. I asked him to please comfort him or take him to play with his toys, as that always makes him feel better (just on the side: my son is being evaluated for autism because he’s showing signs and and he was born the day I hit my 3rd trimester so he was very early). My boyfriend responded by yelling and cussing at me in front of our children (daughter is 10, son is 2). I tried to ignore it and told him to stay on his side of the room and I’ll stay on mine. Of course he didn’t. He tried to post up on me, mind you he is 6’3 and I’m only 4’7. I hate when people post up because it makes me feel like they with the violence and I’m definitely with the violence if you try me. Which is why I stay away from people when I’m mad. So anyway he posted up so I reached up and started choking him because he actually slapped me in front of our kids. After that I started swinging to get him away from me, but by this time I was to far gone and I threw a can and it hit him in the face. My family was around and broke it up but I ended up trying to knock my grandfather and my aunt down so I could throw the bassinet at him. My aunt followed me to the bathroom because they thought I was gonna attack him again (even though he hit me first. They are right I was gonna get him. I had a sock and grabbed a new can to beat him with. I saw a psychiatrist pretty much all of my childhood and my adult life but now I simply cannot afford to. I need so ways to help me keep calm and to remember that violence isn’t always the answer. I felt bad a few days later. I know I need help, I’m on depression meds but I don’t feel they are working. Any advice will be appreciated.",0.6205486425339366,2.3684092034313764,2.430196078431376,96.27242081447966,81.96568627450979,5.4591251885369525,20.510558069381602,6.42735559955562,-0.035119984917043816,1457,41,353,13,39,482,190,408,0.10300000000000001,0.821,0.076,-0.9174,2,0,0,0,3,0,31.0,3,2,4,5,18,14,4,0,15,0,27,4,2,2,2,56,62,37,0,5,9,6,5,1,0,3,2,2,1,3,10,26,0,2,8,3,0,6,4,9,0,2,17,8,71,5,55,35,5,61,0,2,1,0,48,28,0,3,21,228,81,1,0.0,0.0,0.0956900944528266,0.0,0.0,0.19164154741096034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318359409142555,0.0,0.0,0.06668254575199416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729207333413097,0.09167064011164436,0.11155470150594812,0.18425672815575586,0.0,0.0818740188108563,0.2988750822996137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672399841972546,0.0,0.0,0.1235001427075193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829103244255538,0.0,0.10771169374423427,0.1264781086502637,0.0,0.08445688646361663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684994837714782,0.0,0.0,0.06476613477313249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243999946725663,0.0,0.14874264051926595,0.0700523850152756,0.09415069496560108,0.0,0.0,0.16681552699344004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246212102033944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685127669006468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681160115991992,0.100635410178238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314519146197393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871581202396786,0.0,0.0,0.053889904827190416,0.07993004980955971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002705624823736,0.06926099858963727,0.047906001209052924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309084487262276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089199129465184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901024550959624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208363509793192,0.2181254535152739,0.0,0.09470466272243516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457724045947083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596161749307475,0.0,0.0,0.10763782321292244,0.0,0.0,0.2817362898054803,0.09975985430373586,0.0,0.0,0.1146241131399583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108017095620827,0.08374067372779777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881137962918935,0.31354913539968976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737271286019419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634111611458196,0.07784679902052656,0.05717818816352526,0.0,0.0,0.09369826034337378,0.0,0.26629875567636785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090780788173954,0.0,0.07783357643213358,0.07865590992208077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848175230308257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138711694733904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,unkkwnn,2020/03/12,Does anyone else have trouble not repeatedly asking their significant other “Do you still love/like me?” I’m having trouble keeping my mouth shut and not just sitting with a good moment,5.621818181818185,8.414216030303034,5.863636363636368,72.61545454545455,70.51515151515152,6.824242424242425,29.181818181818183,7.793537801064563,2.315109090909091,151,6,22,2,3,48,31,33,0.15,0.72,0.13,-0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,6,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677016864005971,0.3922810243864005,0.0,0.0,0.3579185035662402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350397021137063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198269049079536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211212916052789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402998378961861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455423190633501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057491469423957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gabrielsbitch,2020/03/12,Discord Are there any BPD chat groups on discord?,4.003333333333334,7.044391555555558,2.342222222222226,94.30000000000004,77.8888888888889,3.6,31.222222222222207,3.1291,0.9686888888888898,40,2,7,0,1,11,8,9,0.435,0.565,0.0,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4751073688873635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8799278311480586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jjorddnn,2020/03/12,Anybody else tired of being mentally ill I am tired of being mentally ill. I’m tired of being the way I am. I’m so fucking tired of life lmaooooooooooooooooooooo,2.3485483870967734,5.2285947419354875,2.6583064516129045,89.80745967741936,85.45161290322581,5.680645161290323,23.87903225806452,7.1686216300943375,1.229509677419354,131,5,24,2,4,40,16,31,0.45,0.55,0.0,-0.9451,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,5,8,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15820975118655015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750865735875686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377066565908646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817180331766145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8706966689810852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032773916014106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,not_aishwarya,2020/03/12,"What am I missing? What am I missing? Why do I feel so empty? Who is it that I miss? What wrong did I do that I cannot sleep peacefully? What is it that's tiring me out so profusely? Why am I scared of them leaving? Why do I think ill of them when all they do is love me? Why am I stuck here day in and day out? Why do I get carried away while drinking? Why do I have to eat so much? Why am I so disappointing? Why is the feeling of normalcy so foreign? Why am I so whiney? Why are my days so bleak and my nights so miserable? Why do I feel alone in a loving crowd? Why does no love feel real at all? Why do I have to complain when others deal with their shit as well? What do I have to do to break free from this hell? Why do my attempts never work? Why is that my day starts with breathelessness? Why do I feel so, so miserable every minute? Why am I this way? Why am I this way? Why am I so alone? Why do I have to whine? Why can I not to be normal? Why do I feel like I fake everything? What can I do, please, just to escape?",-1.4773082181376296,0.4418995374449359,1.0821418806015508,101.24594713656393,93.27312775330395,4.540726112714569,15.31657299103752,6.129581340695534,-0.8084302293787031,773,17,201,8,29,262,99,227,0.23800000000000002,0.662,0.10099999999999999,-0.9862,0,2,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,4,2,16,19,2,3,2,0,39,9,2,0,3,20,55,17,0,1,2,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,17,6,2,0,7,1,1,0,4,13,1,0,2,6,35,7,20,52,3,19,1,7,0,3,11,6,2,0,11,138,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810935148853324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04449990647927359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221830879761298,0.048830060892477885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04144843389098511,0.0,0.0,0.04639855211433547,0.0,0.048465054145932975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0399060956313762,0.0,0.04256758417653311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369154730658942,0.03383675172170315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024745662471651157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050151489937408235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023139590015912568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824320113000456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03481788754907781,0.0,0.0365299294489485,0.0,0.0,0.044447774979436507,0.046406527424648264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05199129621533991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0539104430223619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047419487496678604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04861832262141686,0.0,0.0,0.04739806655731674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03352438455618429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030348849623639818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05443779064901125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751904564212059,0.0,0.0,0.04258579915913418,0.0,0.9402473855302892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034481454867647594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05178494663813942,0.0,0.0 bpd,Tobeaflyonthewall,2020/03/12,"Can’t decide how to do it Needing some more perspectives because I feel so stuck in my brain. I feel like me ending my life is inevitable and that I’m just constantly procrastinating it basically - except when I become acutely distressed and feel like it’s time to do it. I just am really struggling to come up with a method that will be successful but also the least gruesome/troubling to see? I just feel so much guilt about whoever is going to find me and all that, so I want to try and minimize the pain as much as I can (e.g. I feel like hanging is out of the question - I lost someone to suicide that way and I think I speak for everyone when I say that it’s really hard not to get that image out of your head after seeing him in his casket, so I can’t even imagine how it is for those who found him).",8.444311531841652,5.443740728915664,8.728450946643724,74.72162650602412,63.39759036144578,11.895352839931155,36.364888123924274,9.957137785484203,3.276534595524957,635,21,133,10,7,212,100,166,0.145,0.7879999999999999,0.067,-0.9354,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,0,2,14,9,0,3,4,0,12,4,2,2,1,32,29,17,2,2,6,0,6,3,0,1,2,2,0,0,14,9,0,0,11,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,3,10,21,4,23,24,6,15,0,1,2,0,8,5,0,2,9,100,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234805177806747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412606169961132,0.1705321897321018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723710861301451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300935402118946,0.0,0.16686086375950024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367602065829032,0.0,0.0,0.10198543737396557,0.0,0.0,0.14754405362882345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39036818914321453,0.33092864735087085,0.0,0.0,0.14112668150682314,0.0,0.0,0.1693010821935364,0.0,0.0,0.08067213106917122,0.0,0.08775397720275739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831979474751754,0.0,0.15846779120426469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906337484651052,0.2263087570343832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16855524899726776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22701620464828484,0.11449203536731745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643016585007106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729729926870595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978362319064537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227919322843255,0.0,0.0,0.24608735788201555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082992281316624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16142141552968226,0.0,0.1688979689560972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893880907175713,0.0,0.0,0.0900369081547706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048333174618582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910742047782226,0.12256237557817122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hella_ounces,2020/03/12,"Scared and dont know how to get a diagnosis. Hey everyone. I recently started reading about BPD and I've never had such an aha moment when going over the symptoms and traits, it just describes me perfectly. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression when I was very young but that always felt way to general. I was sad and self harming but I realise now my goal was never to actually kill myself it was almost like a way I could show people who made me upset like ""look what you made me do"". So then I thought I might be Bipolar because of my mood swings, but I never get extended periods of mania or intense depression it just felt like I was cycling through anger, excitement and sadness all day. I hate when people self diagnose but this just makes so much sense to me. I want to get a proper diagnosis but I have no idea how to go about it. Will my doctor commit me to psych if I bring this up? I dont want my parents to get involved with this because they will just worry and become paranoid about me. Is there any way I can start talking to a psychiatrist and get on meds without my family being involved. I'm 17 for refrence.",3.2473192982456136,5.115587893333334,4.761754385964911,82.01526315789475,74.51111111111109,7.759064327485379,28.28654970760234,8.532816995589336,2.2146444444444446,896,37,171,17,19,300,133,225,0.184,0.7070000000000001,0.11,-0.9708,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,1,2,17,16,3,2,6,0,19,5,0,5,6,44,41,23,1,4,12,1,2,3,0,3,5,0,0,2,10,10,0,0,5,2,0,3,7,10,0,0,12,3,30,5,22,23,2,24,0,4,1,0,10,3,0,4,18,123,40,4,0.0,0.0,0.1092850087018296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214070340063964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931837333960876,0.0,0.0,0.07615629009917409,0.0,0.08567119953871205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653478411383674,0.12368293801475665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104609518514027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941402148973583,0.0,0.0,0.07222357383735828,0.0,0.1929117454608832,0.227332745845108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462538126913842,0.0,0.0,0.2625003060419259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701019008837884,0.0,0.0,0.10557316516346954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150538062990716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925478820808329,0.0,0.12729174169366644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056585047489603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642183317219874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389912179369553,0.0,0.061546168928526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16413635462285486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404246820276503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21193320389495154,0.07475345823407849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439441827524678,0.0,0.0,0.11880252206532707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232472476887916,0.0,0.2591182233677106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435041692402267,0.0,0.0,0.15527800067300065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201920260397873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057552516663743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212042233586823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336576865041632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853263514299756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639934357669345,0.0,0.09001243319832608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890667479236168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240256830095206,0.13210790575109474,0.2666747209202585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795330019949012,0.0,0.0,0.11373016078913604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,halvicto,2020/03/12,"I (unofficially) diagnosed my brother with BPD, but yesterday he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. My question is NOT whether or not he has BPD but if anyone has had a similar situation or been misdiagnosed. And how that impacted the road to treatment. More info below I questioned the diagnosis with the realization I am not a health professional... But also for a couple reasons. 1) he checks almost every BPD box I've come across....dissociative, anxious, suicidal, unstable family and interpersonal relationships, skewed view of people's intentions, etc 2) when I set up the appt the psychiatry office was asking if he's interested in doing a clinical trial with medication for bipolar disorder. I said ""he hasn't been diagnosed with anything and I'm pretty sure he has BPD."" So I just wonder if they would diagnose him with bipolar because they need people for their trial. Is that unheard of? I just want him to get the correct treatment. Should I be concerned? Or is this something that will sort itself out as he sees his reaction to the medication and continues treatment? (Brother is 19 yo)",5.4209507445589935,8.246707567010311,6.982405498281789,64.19864833906074,71.26804123711341,10.29049255441008,35.00458190148912,10.380263240014207,4.770549599083619,884,47,130,29,18,302,120,194,0.10800000000000001,0.83,0.061,-0.8856,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,3,0,6,2,0,0,11,0,19,11,0,3,2,42,28,19,1,7,15,2,0,0,0,3,11,1,0,0,5,12,0,0,5,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,6,3,16,2,19,18,2,10,0,0,2,0,20,5,0,11,3,95,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112863166036314,0.0,0.0,0.08887515244179434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255516697679357,0.0,0.07770864213190411,0.0,0.09145518425370347,0.0,0.10389684607513018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774727084605675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5598859264651241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573353616652784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296950127808742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4512014489173831,0.0,0.0,0.2547422045725114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394564566522973,0.0,0.0,0.09363659236723064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476881566592998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05806379885215469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813201667632554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22391498410399216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240568860194852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540949558942741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306492694334408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24899476240747898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426597490191445,0.0,0.11931811458501038,0.0,0.0,0.1057154687648076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856073751087501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492114567995348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555766575955936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156438123093015,0.0,0.10474405055039226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655506955968281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052188971652525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894758892701394,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yourGrandmasAnus,2020/03/12,"everyday trying to act normal is so fucking exhausting i try my best to avoid talking to normal people because i stutter. I really am thankful i have weirdo depressed friends because its where i feel normal anyone else just have to take so much energy to analyze being normal and trying to look normal and fun when in reality youre nothing but a cringing butt crack weirdo who is annoyed by everyone. im sick of feeling this way please somebody hell me",6.044862745098037,7.566978211764709,6.871470588235294,71.02995098039219,66.88235294117646,8.960784313725489,35.34313725490196,9.2995712137729,3.6794313725490193,368,18,56,7,6,122,64,85,0.261,0.588,0.151,-0.9254,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,1,5,11,3,1,1,0,6,4,1,0,0,12,12,6,0,5,2,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,3,8,4,9,11,2,6,1,1,1,2,4,2,3,0,2,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398059791803743,0.15236966197724766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130291655156974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606063190997818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808260662700854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422705754957145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209755916547273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038319874996306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489199176856894,0.13747881966879186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063094115597398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487787544787025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931802325522144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7285148814744987,0.1426900319881228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309590549042587,0.0,0.0,0.16323752326232585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526661690861143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181045389980644,0.11952643987889093,0.0,0.13691101400083236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30289038759958004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803806379749494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bring_on_the_alien,2020/03/12,"I've done all the things.... I did all the things. All the things people tell you to do when you're depressed. I've been a junky since I was 12. I hadn't even hit puberty by the time I was smoking crack and anything else the older kids would sell me. Most other kids were out riding bikes and playing basketball etc, I was dropped off by my parents at some womans house I never met. They didn't come back for over a year. Meanwhile she paid me in drugs to watch her kids while she was at work. But i got clean almost 4 years ago. I relapsed one night when my mom died this past November ( I didn't even know her name until 6 years ago) but that's it. I became an alcoholic by the age of 14. But I quit drinking. I got off the street (my car) after a year of living in it ( and most of my life since childhood) and Into a good apartment. Ive held the same job for 6 years now. I bought the nicest car, hell the nicest anything I ever owned. Just paid it off this week. I spent ten grand on music equipment hoping to feel inspired again. I spoiled myself at every turn this past year. From the outside I'm doing better than ever. Taking better care of myself. And I should be proud, I should be grateful. But im not. I hate every second of it. As long as I can remember. I don't remember much of my life, i suppose trauma mixed with drugs tends to do that. What I do remember im just completely ashamed of. Everything about me is wrapped in self hatred. You know how most people think back on their lives and have these moments in time they would give anything to go back to? Why don't I have that? I don't have any of those. I don't even remember who my first kiss was. Instead I'm just embarrassed to be alive. I hate this shell. This skin I live in. There isn't a single aspect of who I am as a person that I would keep if I were given an option. I'd throw it all out. I've done everything, I meditate, I've been diagnosed, I try to wrangle my thoughts back in every time they spiral out. I spoil myself, cut out those who brought negativity into my world. But I feel empty. More now than ever before. Now I've just given up. I don't even try to connect with the outside world anymore. Everyone always tells people it gets better when they're depressed, but in over two decades every day is the same. When is it supposed to feel like this was worth the fight? Like all the days I've struggled through are going to mean something? Will I ever know what it's like to go to bed and not stare at the ceiling wishing I wasn't such a god damned coward so I could put it to an end? I've never seen anything but the worst side of the world, and the people in it. And I still wish I could be them instead of me. Sorry for the negativity, I just don't have anyone to tell how it is for me.",1.2436790017211692,3.1767363218588685,2.7137370912220327,94.08544212564549,80.79001721170395,5.32039586919105,20.01355421686747,6.2766698959673635,-0.031177796901892933,2157,56,481,17,56,702,260,581,0.10800000000000001,0.747,0.14400000000000002,0.9695,2,0,5,0,1,0,69.0,0,2,5,7,34,27,6,3,30,0,52,9,1,2,11,81,92,29,1,11,15,2,4,3,0,6,6,0,2,6,33,18,2,2,14,3,6,10,17,13,0,5,30,7,70,14,71,49,17,89,1,2,3,1,29,32,2,8,49,334,103,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648137834358488,0.07021525227969509,0.06579087078332985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05466916808134886,0.0,0.0,0.04467948291132234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515853960485822,0.045940232270040814,0.0,0.21626796153678035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20208254136771686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559074000171883,0.0,0.0,0.1743237317216459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698737274212285,0.0,0.0,0.05659629053944035,0.06888709636852472,0.0,0.0,0.1049150960473739,0.0,0.0,0.0847444624431849,0.0,0.11317774307924658,0.06668595279486073,0.06818810442880452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447152291445827,0.0,0.06436275956357618,0.1523864782429883,0.0,0.05488543047761267,0.0,0.05819230115775774,0.0,0.07327488416353449,0.17358169993034708,0.2377241897912147,0.22142643002429213,0.06278089377994699,0.11809709832346264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966242575654458,0.04693738524662998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055885924896799125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034326483291538035,0.06302716169657223,0.11201955590959724,0.0551075599169969,0.1050954767467506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973386756197866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652567207351687,0.0,0.07581106591946933,0.0,0.0,0.1419384557160851,0.0,0.0651989071564475,0.058398786367799126,0.0,0.0,0.10832398739428316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928142610036533,0.09629575497898522,0.0,0.17404770232395295,0.05814403316372401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156853079438219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694916424771728,0.0,0.0,0.048298389124529335,0.0,0.10134657047932526,0.0,0.0,0.061656696680703775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04452124593565073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295408325087166,0.0,0.12543962139345574,0.18219744602944804,0.05736828509978275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604846468162287,0.0,0.06988196092338518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29770936571516554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854131548206213,0.0,0.0,0.10869843016260183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05058046221943891,0.0,0.07354779572750292,0.0,0.0,0.05246954927987023,0.0,0.0,0.06868579582117366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04939958343406253,0.0,0.17227883012419434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094808676916153,0.04209906607740781,0.0,0.05215989712622431,0.11493375899837485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921443062327045,0.07146470109118096,0.06418112023115592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270202784861465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059285663068303136,0.0,0.15110767499064115,0.0,0.0,0.04783169922155859,0.0,0.0,0.14001803942129384,0.0,0.0,0.2538588640171218 bpd,GlitchCat69,2020/03/12,"DAE have their BPD explosions in their dreams instead of IRL? Having been diagnosed for 2 years and self-diagnosed for 5-6 years, I have pretty good awareness when it comes to my BPD. I can almost always tell when I'm having an episode/splitting/dissociation moment. So when it comes to my lashing out and screaming my insecurities at whoever I'm feeling intensely towards, I really keep that under control. There's been a lot of moments in life where my BPD has been triggered and I feel so insecure and my reality is shifting. I want to scream and cry at my loved ones but I control myself at that time. Now that pent up anger/fear is leaking into my dreams. In the last few weeks I've had some pretty intense BPD nightmares (as i call them) and I end up screaming and crying n my dream at whoever. Just that raw BPD temper tantrum/terrified freak out of ""You don't understand, why would you do this, I hate you can't you see what you're doing to me, please don't leave me alone"" etc, etc... I think me holding it all in is leaking out into my dreams so I can get some sort of release? Anyone else have that shit?",3.7484658187599393,5.2145350495495455,4.757896131425547,84.21002384737682,72.37837837837837,7.565871754107047,27.923688394276628,8.124751697461798,1.7918136724960254,879,33,175,13,17,287,132,222,0.153,0.71,0.136,-0.8787,0,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,4,3,2,11,11,3,2,3,0,21,4,1,3,1,33,35,15,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,10,14,0,4,4,4,0,2,3,9,0,1,4,6,31,2,28,30,7,32,0,0,1,1,10,18,1,5,12,120,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393582597127736,0.1075004480366756,0.0,0.0,0.08636586006606431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725759657753135,0.1063503729952925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6536316412568239,0.0,0.10598642910297694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882062158744388,0.0,0.0,0.2328301203995204,0.0,0.0,0.22802814513771316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21069973696629224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670750945471935,0.0,0.091931674014769,0.0,0.23151800600323855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167983740264697,0.10496386926205786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05422866958768476,0.0,0.0,0.08705842754533058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247619860443573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225787749256126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846068814130711,0.0,0.10990405208433847,0.0,0.0,0.07331356740282513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824290476450773,0.09367915405933068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033426392594146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139358797577985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21119391725568407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664938158341741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271127738554265,0.0,0.10828095377012527,0.0,0.10654420573159758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907215154784086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650772596983863,0.0,0.0,0.06052377293510777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805438717300248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061221054823066924,0.0,0.0832581896179272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365895732786453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373307980706685,0.0,0.0,0.13368131676223988 bpd,Integer_Cat,2020/03/12,"My FP found someone else. After five years of being in love with him, I was finally feeling I had a chance. We were sexually exclusive. We were hanging out. I felt special. He texted me yesterday in response to a sexual joke to let me know he’s talking to someone and doesn’t want to start off on the wrong foot with her. I am so heartbroken. The more we talked the more I learned he’s looking for that spark and I’m looking for a best friend. I don’t give him that spark. I keep wondering why I wasn’t enough. What does she have that I don’t? Why have I never been enough for him? I’ve made so much progress with and on myself. I’m the best version of me ever. I was going to and still might move to his city in a couple of months. I feel like nobody will compare to him because nobody is him. And if they do compare they will never want me. Because I will never be enough. He won’t tell me there’s no chance it’ll happen. Previous to this he said he just wasn’t ready to date again... but then he met her and now he is. He said it’s about her and not about me. But obviously it’s also about me not being her. Not being whatever she is. Me being me wasn’t enough. The only reason I don’t fully relapse is because I want to show him i didn’t if he ever decides he wants me. Which is so toxic. But it’s the only thing that keeps my head on right now. Last time I was this sad I almost tried to kill myself. He’s the reason I didn’t.",-0.13658986175114762,1.912356677419357,2.1004147465437804,95.77919354838707,87.06451612903227,4.833179723502305,17.88940092165899,6.1826913282559595,-0.3198921658986169,1110,28,258,10,35,374,144,310,0.062,0.831,0.107,0.1057,0,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,3,0,2,3,15,10,1,0,11,0,37,3,2,3,6,48,62,17,1,6,9,0,3,1,1,6,0,2,0,0,13,14,0,2,10,2,0,3,17,3,0,1,18,7,51,7,32,32,10,31,0,1,2,1,39,9,0,5,20,185,64,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438698743429743,0.0,0.0,0.0833652303742446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19064159169819728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21879881349680086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534585901011543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122609459541756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708388676691996,0.0,0.0,0.4308546045928803,0.0,0.0,0.1885923663656067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541949322403617,0.07447313260337966,0.10009219799360997,0.11419604385721015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430000435163355,0.08053995159313401,0.0,0.0,0.10000195251567584,0.05924522068135521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218410804957376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069861396605575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18531669534607514,0.11533239651255132,0.0,0.05729069791562004,0.084974140383144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659826777256652,0.0,0.050929172215357005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750802277652978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940857936737748,0.09863978029839304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058818967534144,0.0,0.0,0.08320790495963418,0.11079665718824534,0.07663256738526901,0.0,0.24120207833945514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585670699640333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143638364586625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902523871909174,0.19832302202735927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665404796142165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378562685430662,0.0,0.08325073245190827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757745311504094,0.09111531666551756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925619580835668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060786492682506965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077597193613239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24594720524166466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881310185459055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304999007385755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397628323074087,0.0,0.06713079827217913 bpd,shrinkingcherry,2020/03/12,"DAE have different reddit accounts for different ”yous”? I have several different reddit accounts, and they’re all different depending of what me I feel like that day or at that moment. I started out with one, and now I have many, because I kept feeling like the one I was on didn’t reflect what I was feeling like at that time. Often I have an urge to make another one, just for a specific mood or question. DAE do this? I know many people have throwaways but I haven’t heard of someone doing this before!",3.9194897959183663,5.78329967346939,4.960969387755104,81.3134948979592,72.6734693877551,8.16530612244898,30.617346938775512,8.841846274778883,2.6992204081632662,400,18,73,8,8,131,61,98,0.0,0.904,0.096,0.6599,4,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,11,0,0,2,1,19,19,5,0,0,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,1,6,0,2,0,2,0,0,3,5,4,11,3,10,14,1,9,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,5,8,54,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050410772847645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933082295008187,0.0,0.13024875287824295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987155595070458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6396897935075997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232185840508046,0.3280533108243078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412162647858283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22434243033347312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217341876879836,0.3103718497105798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31116650521690736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061173928479981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147008392420854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292215421544793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296931821325286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834161857947576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925460534469766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,vanillyx,2020/03/12,"Feeling sad about not seeing my fp... I am currently spiralling. It was just announced our country or part of our country (where I am), will be under community quarantine until April 14th. It has been a while since I last saw him(fp) and I've tried my best to hold it together while I count the days until we meet again, which was supposed to be yesterday, which turned into Monday, which turned into (Maybe!) April, once the quarantine is lifted. I feel very selfish about feeling sad about not seeing him, rather than being sad about what is happening in the world. I mean. I am sad about that too, but my emotions towards not seeing my fp are way more intense. I absolutely hate it cuz I am scared he might fall out of love with me (note: been together for almost 2years now) within the month or replace me or just hate me. I just wanna see him before the quarantine is implemented. Which is this Monday. But... his family hates me, making it impossible. So yeah that adds more to the shitty feeling. Sorry.",3.457460317460317,5.896294137566142,4.175899470899473,83.82511904761907,75.87830687830687,6.951322751322754,23.72751322751323,7.984000788550335,1.4357322751322754,788,25,144,13,18,251,115,189,0.172,0.742,0.085,-0.9666,1,3,0,0,0,0,36.0,3,0,0,1,14,11,3,1,7,1,19,1,0,2,0,30,37,12,0,2,12,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,13,7,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,9,0,0,5,9,24,2,23,27,4,26,0,4,5,1,9,9,0,5,15,111,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631642494880706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433595727343018,0.0,0.15334219791543768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942342503698633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16436348144854515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774738011105336,0.0,0.29552732093479395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921197802932802,0.0,0.0,0.4327848712999656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910596080555777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187751947993046,0.0,0.09753513603614457,0.0,0.14679552640550794,0.15916572375457785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500848288241853,0.0,0.0,0.11663027624814533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561127840394212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15823193843653185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628996307723394,0.0,0.4657496410658671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208706125149003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635675346075533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920477102081326,0.31786962079079745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056294494231032,0.0,0.11598194829065818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,namelessunit88,2020/03/12,"You can do this today! For those that need a boost today, Despite whatever hell had you this morning, like the Phoenix you will rise from it and meet today head on! There aren't enough posts saying that today is your day, and you deserve to have this day! Self harm or suicidal ideation can't even touch greatness like yours today! When the intensity of emotions start to rise, deep breath in the cold air and out breath ""fuck that mess, you can't get at me today"". No matter if you FP is giving you the attention you need or not, this is your day! Those hourly triggers changing your emotions like a rollercoaster, say fuck em and get off the rollercoaster and kick today's ass! I believe in you! 1 day, 1 hour, hell sometimes we have to go by each breath. But it is worth it to keep going! If someone tells you ""yo give up"", let them choke on your dust as you leave em behind. You are worth fighting for today! Your emotions are absolutely not your reality, and you are worth all the love, you are worth being here, you are worth friendship, you are worth beating depressions grasp today, you are worth fighting for even when you are the only one fighting for yourself! if this helps at least 1 person today then it was worth it!",5.17397151898734,6.167717459915616,4.824849683544304,86.85347705696205,68.49367088607596,7.443987341772152,27.04878691983123,7.413659706084162,1.2743926160337544,966,29,192,9,16,294,126,237,0.147,0.685,0.168,-0.3485,0,0,0,0,6,0,33.0,1,25,1,1,6,15,7,0,9,0,24,8,5,1,1,25,37,16,1,5,8,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,0,2,15,9,0,1,2,0,8,4,6,10,0,1,2,4,29,5,22,32,4,36,2,1,0,4,40,11,5,5,23,126,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244653758157337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680204380543656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21167165960568665,0.0,0.07067282043375776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27689845327120394,0.0,0.08478351303645111,0.0,0.1083915262488861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517148376624105,0.08573945101861995,0.15742696964410668,0.09326613454172387,0.0,0.0,0.09046460766780401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421087457288692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499893464339692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616129352805062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293319040000637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688312992075475,0.0,0.08390557305426412,0.0,0.12026203059019795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740567609532485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168371069782705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05560178059557674,0.062405614795045534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164621596334021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858486166853662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050495535498416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560001197347719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952392114936932,0.0,0.08115330944320784,0.0,0.05807810421073261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975354279434469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171864063637706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7777741110364131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,earthlyram,2020/03/12,"Hallucinations? Lately i've been having more auditory, and some visual, hallucinations? It's strange because i've had them my whole life but it was so little that i didn't think anything of it but now it seems that im seeing people and hearing things more often than usual. I feel like maybe i'm just making it all up and none of it is real? Anyone else experienced this?",2.3596232876712326,4.959433780821918,4.294777397260276,80.52380993150688,81.05479452054793,5.8417808219178085,20.08390410958904,7.1686216300943375,0.6686452054794523,298,8,55,4,8,101,55,73,0.02,0.9179999999999999,0.061,0.5873,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,1,14,13,6,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,10,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,4,1,4,9,6,5,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,3,4,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671019592615818,0.2448655764462217,0.19666204496897893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568137317063334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996390204083804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083661593747926,0.1707289808902955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693503861268081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581418603339162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695824090287126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880024430395113,0.11675466528609085,0.2395230166653393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952252044013016,0.0,0.24008981084380066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568021481158066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720141422632075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904379274392458,0.2175604823625431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876920061454355,0.15313018844280635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26320520639842443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668151690487353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ThrowawayPigeon20,2020/03/12,"Hello beautiful people. Need help or advice in my FP. Long post. So hello. I've been knowing my FP for 2-3 years, and right now we're on good terms. We play games together we play competitively in games. We talk almost everyday, and share a lot in common. 2 Years ago though I've been so close with him that I could even express him openly that I love him, as a person (not romantically) could cry from happiness when I was talking with him and he was so supportive about all of this. 10 Months ago though our relation got a bit damaged we got into some fights I became too jealous of him texting and calling and having or trying to have a better relation with someone other than me. It got sooo heated that we stopped talking for 2 or 3 months. I'm too afraid to get closer to him again. He is much more chill, controlled and wiser in these terms. I think he suspects that I still love him to death and would be supportive again about it. But I just cant seem to represent my true self and express myself to him. I'm way too afraid to do it. I want to have that relation with him again. I want to be so close with him. I dont know what to do anymore. Thought I'd ask for some help here.",2.009593889716843,3.8701046762295133,3.3887332339791345,90.52116989567811,78.05737704918033,6.403576751117736,22.156482861400896,7.348242739294969,0.6725147540983603,927,27,201,12,22,303,132,244,0.076,0.743,0.18100000000000002,0.9758,0,0,0,0,1,0,26.0,6,0,0,2,21,16,2,2,4,0,17,2,0,1,2,48,36,20,1,6,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,12,22,0,2,6,4,0,0,3,5,0,0,8,0,31,11,31,23,9,31,0,1,0,2,38,11,0,8,18,133,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267820081987126,0.2225708371198779,0.0,0.1257121901656987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245039414161493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117364833970854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110317072448018,0.1370593616304704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281924303373392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408060411241437,0.20047016171887908,0.0,0.1379020048034523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713430267064154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829193146827073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559051953388817,0.0,0.0,0.10529868307516756,0.3012222456027264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336418058501475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829632819959847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798921279584106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111007297372758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673132888360404,0.22661313401065056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004128719234998,0.0,0.09228782361485627,0.09308781090455702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703502366760796,0.1096184421953458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023454414744668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072121920028136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142887323818016,0.13096769785073878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637133907540172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025801267629462,0.10495874314209933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28492717417014474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027177405623624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044225190377616,0.2466887780773423,0.09966633407467597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523478511914499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809586231005484,0.09964940535148263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918144310288308,0.0,0.0,0.16168987889757927 bpd,corpsesimp,2020/03/12,"DAE have different versions of themselves? I feel like whenever I’m around certain people I change drastically it seems as if I don’t even I have a personality . I am just a reflection of who I am around at the moment . I mimic their actions, their tone and their grammar. Until I am around somebody else . My friends have told me that I sound different when I talk to different people ??? And recently somebody told me that my personality is “fake” because they’ve seen the real me ??? But I DONT EVEN KNOW THE REAL ME ??",2.166190476190476,4.935646469387759,3.970510204081634,81.14175170068029,84.3061224489796,6.940136054421767,26.534013605442176,8.07648339933343,2.1805687074829936,406,18,74,9,12,136,61,98,0.033,0.873,0.09300000000000001,0.6767,3,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,0,7,4,0,0,5,0,9,0,0,0,1,15,16,7,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,4,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,3,20,3,9,13,1,9,0,0,1,0,10,4,0,2,5,55,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42004663946594906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587848330704828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638495182897858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4929829409203082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18433493980516916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139007457899815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077683667681202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795271983774605,0.11236327189987866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151674252590385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643882756362653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684071053847691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180809717041089,0.2746675462736589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580458205554765,0.0,0.0,0.15529835437419692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431848741021843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641841608123794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005820030599199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,toomuchnothingness,2020/03/12,"Reading suggestions Hey guys. Is anyone else into reading books lately? I like self help stuff, psychology, among other things, but I was curious about what you guys like to read and if you have any good books you'd recommend. I just finished ""A Secret Sadness"" by Valerie Whiffen. I found it pretty interesting and helpful, as she talks a lot about attachment styles and different factors that affect our personalities and how we act in relationships. I always really enjoy seeing a parallel to my feelings and life whether it's fiction or not. What's your favorite book?",7.329038189533239,9.044544534653467,7.561895332390383,66.54643564356435,64.04950495049505,10.523903818953325,36.21074964639321,10.608840637214634,4.427655162659123,462,22,69,12,7,150,80,101,0.057999999999999996,0.642,0.299,0.9822,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,4,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,2,0,19,7,11,0,1,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,8,7,0,0,3,6,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,13,5,9,4,1,6,0,1,1,0,18,3,0,3,4,49,21,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641099512850836,0.0,0.0,0.1196573458944884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230337932540482,0.18028957195144127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18383846265057704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699017337023218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896955660165437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19292865855692373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758506430069576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484517955178242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23588162447557004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19848807592642292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428420618584525,0.17192819777496274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14959303930649226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363957428027378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17901235260576284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5280162855367776,0.0,0.11272307991521445,0.0,0.0,0.18891283953201266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021559469336772,0.0,0.18356237271094306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20142959700706048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414282239850526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689855157797235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,delilahclara,2020/03/12,"i have no idea if i’m a good person or not i am undiagnosed, but have been going through all sorts of depersonalization, obsessive tendencies, severe depression, and more. lately my biggest obsession is whether or not i’m a good person. i’m a social work major and i’m very passionate about social equity and social policy. however, sometimes i catch myself doing bad things. i know these things are bad (stealing small amounts of money from my roommates, using my sisters things when she asks me not to) yet i feel like i can’t stop. when I can control myself and i DO stop, i wonder if i stopped because i’m a good person or just because i want to save myself from the guilt of doing bad things. everytime i do something good i’m always wondering if i’m actually doing these things because i’m a good person, or because i want to believe i’m a good person/want others to think i am. it’s a constant cycle and it’s so tiring.",3.5689311594202917,5.338549190217397,5.4190000000000005,78.05933333333333,73.40217391304348,7.732753623188407,27.48405797101449,8.447377352677275,2.153160579710145,737,28,133,13,15,253,95,184,0.198,0.622,0.18,-0.5662,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,6,17,0,3,8,0,14,2,0,2,1,34,33,17,0,5,13,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,10,5,0,4,6,0,1,2,5,8,0,0,1,1,22,9,11,32,4,12,0,1,0,1,10,2,0,10,9,90,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.09431887425339563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042260267030009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035701790095857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421023407594681,0.23567380900674065,0.0,0.0,0.10889424263825888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444699009572664,0.1084039703202486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832466359213617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04887039592926317,0.06904854814061752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054929829447410934,0.4864050671566446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910888078332327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053117673109090435,0.0,0.109028202772695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04721951765077614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4219660697590124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918978680558944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955750825353637,0.0,0.0744077980096765,0.0955917701256106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424173931513749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210580516182245,0.061931003941674424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108780296680068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834767067342582,0.0,0.07974841493627835,0.11401626900550672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20963097452830515,0.07036415362708033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bathoryprincess,2020/03/12,"BPD worse in a relationship, or I'm.being manipulated and cant tell the difference. I just wanna be stone cold again. Im in a very complicated relationship. This hurts so bad. I'm a grown ass woman i cant understand why I'm.so caught up in this. In the beginning we had alot of fights and blocking. I wouldnt be surprised if he had bpd. Wed have a beautiful time. The next day he was mad and suspicious about crazy things...I'd get upset and angry..this over and over. I can usually always keep my cool in messed up situations, but after a while of his crazy suspicions of me. I screamed and had a panic attack..it was too much. Maybe manipulative..why cant I tell the difference.. I want him, I've been single so long... ive never felt this way.. Until.recently we made an honest effort..and it's been so beautiful. The texting game makes.me crazy tho I became more desparate in texts from bpd and just paranoia he will get upset again. Reading into any slight difference in txt..He had some pretty bad news about his job..he just txt me he loves me then blocked me. Sorry I'm ranting now. I'm so hurt, I hate how I think I was to annoying, or it's all about me somehow or what I said in txt.I know it was all unhealthy but why cant I let go. What can I do to get through this night with a positive mindset to just let go somehow.",0.4819451765946212,2.8993086863468664,2.5389393779652103,90.65053874538746,89.44280442804424,5.901570901423299,20.657986294148657,7.33818517376401,0.7605282235108071,1038,35,223,19,35,347,149,271,0.259,0.643,0.099,-0.9912,1,1,0,0,1,0,49.0,2,0,0,0,19,17,4,3,14,1,25,2,1,3,3,42,45,21,0,4,10,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,9,11,0,3,4,2,0,4,6,13,0,0,14,5,26,4,27,25,7,32,0,2,0,2,19,13,1,8,14,138,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209497959427487,0.0,0.0,0.0752664840423059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259149611949323,0.0,0.0,0.1848270626387261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4181943602553606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137971742884022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34691245937343784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627056451258096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347786087982925,0.0,0.12580447173079368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927400493847053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369713671133015,0.0,0.11955385129845587,0.0,0.10983324303028068,0.0983778467393166,0.0,0.0,0.0608270667530088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263564657252731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794869275811896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989340434870446,0.10472849378706227,0.0,0.0,0.11119336285391636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136284704828692,0.0,0.08536356659346582,0.0,0.11770988708031765,0.10386608068025513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985963070181242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260178203065008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071037617831166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376587098055944,0.0,0.0,0.1052824292460538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244094344475342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389767366954155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19347913887164905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091954692940777,0.0,0.0,0.06453864558476666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522222524221333,0.0,0.0,0.12189885075606345,0.09132294159070538,0.06528218199132747,0.0878529692053574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29961560357296657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127928082419586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thesdugs345,2020/03/12,"I almost had the energy to end my life today. I was so close. I was about to be out of this prison, this haphazard shod of a life I'm living at this point. I was about to do it, had the knife pushed down to my wrist and everything, but I lost it. Didnt have the drive anymore. If I had done it when it came up initially, had I acted on the impulse as soon as I felt it, I could've been free. I could've been out, done, acted on a drive I've had for years that just lies dormant, that I can't talk about out of fear of bumming others out, out of bringing up thoughts and memories people dont wanna have. I was so close, but I lost it. I spend a good portion of my time thinking about suicide, jokes about it, writing stories about self-harm, suicide blah blah blah. Writing a story that details my mindset is really the only thing keeping me here. And of course I know it won't be recieved well, people won't like it, who I am is unlikable and disgusting so it'll have no value so I might as well get a jump on it now and end it but, I dunno I wanna make something that has some, if almost any, value before I light a grill off in my car I'll kill myself soon and rid this planet of walking garbage, just gotta get the energy back.",3.3186021024379317,3.525715733840308,4.711210020129727,88.840337732051,72.26996197718631,7.557056586893313,25.356519794229477,7.285733465282438,0.9579941400134202,950,26,217,9,17,318,134,263,0.19899999999999998,0.726,0.075,-0.9886,0,0,1,0,0,4,31.0,0,0,0,2,21,11,2,1,12,0,30,3,1,1,0,36,44,19,3,4,7,0,1,4,0,5,2,0,0,0,23,14,0,1,4,1,2,10,6,5,2,0,19,2,27,7,38,18,2,37,0,2,0,0,4,17,0,7,11,156,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748955432568704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334266731164838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612672950849827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554577962449467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679960241306213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569908252785783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21918460707695372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809327639535901,0.16086969772404328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431462610186717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336197109931756,0.0,0.0,0.15445758081721692,0.0,0.0,0.13179276373190618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342715273676215,0.0,0.0,0.11512860705882175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200451151488426,0.15185974120763726,0.0,0.07543544417829008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19390400519709375,0.06705913643008035,0.0,0.12120460157388105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29967473428692776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916232549307764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561297928887496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043937130282854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19031996882677715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975667952906114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793336395868417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319389552567022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567076764941803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30028405682780396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032576028850496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119057862755793,0.08795175912832151,0.0,0.10897046266462407,0.08003840487855339,0.0,0.13010804815404406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24682951718959015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839203867202904 bpd,CaiteeBob,2020/03/12,"Fixations! Please help I’ve been aware that I have had BPD for quite a long time now, and I realise that part of my BPD is heavily centred around anxiety. Now with this anxiety, I notice that when something happens, I fixate uncontrollably, which leaves me highly strung for days at a time until it’s resolved It makes me a burden to whoever has to deal with me, and I’m tired of this tense feeling that comes with it, it leaves me exhausted. I’ve tried as many things as I can think of, and I’m starting to feel like I’m going crazy. Does anyone else feel this? If so, can you please let me know how you deal with it?",7.199761904761902,5.423037706349209,7.115873015873017,81.44857142857144,64.79365079365078,10.622222222222225,32.111111111111114,9.2995712137729,2.4273111111111105,485,14,105,7,6,155,78,126,0.15,0.7490000000000001,0.10099999999999999,-0.7498,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,2,6,5,0,1,3,0,8,2,0,2,0,18,21,10,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,14,9,0,0,6,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,3,13,2,17,18,1,14,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,10,65,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22755451319259465,0.0,0.0,0.10399475543957797,0.15239040793192346,0.0,0.13240031757582055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746378678060643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811684013349395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959178829879878,0.30666607921358385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015372578462106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242439717362408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256055113553683,0.1062520074126783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845261023264039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152053887645854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968989495176822,0.1571403248507589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173755348827275,0.0,0.0,0.3149650134512466,0.0,0.15208545070702995,0.0,0.07266146319595143,0.0,0.0,0.1316204601141172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992777438013588,0.15078783381245936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932892054784374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105898329267695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265194978703467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581915692795675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449882899180842,0.0,0.0,0.1052711319829337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880892038734346,0.09529951993320143,0.0,0.0,0.17345011940049218,0.17094207455671911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097720925541114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,beskettiregretti,2020/03/12,"How do I breakup with my SO with BPD? Everything has been rocky for a while now, but with my own life and school + my own mental health, I can’t do it anymore. She just had a mental breakdown and had to be hospitalized for a day because of a psychotic break and I can’t see myself doing this anymore. I love her with my whole heart and want her to get better, but I can’t do it anymore. My own health and life has been sacrificed for the last 2 years because of her BPD. Even though I originally saw myself marrying this girl and being with her forever, it’s literally killing me at this point, and my own well-being has been taking the hit. I have a great relationship with her family and everything too, so it’s even worse now. What do I do?",4.986470588235292,4.825259803921572,6.002091503267978,82.3094117647059,68.60784313725489,9.675816993464053,28.764705882352942,9.444778638647367,2.1701450980392156,582,18,127,11,9,194,80,153,0.069,0.8190000000000001,0.111,0.7554,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,10,4,1,0,7,0,20,6,1,2,0,20,27,15,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,8,14,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,2,23,3,14,18,5,10,0,0,2,1,9,2,0,0,7,98,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42497868623486795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17414869310744455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633096467629812,0.0,0.0,0.3598056466536887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212041515250999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18868983057367816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567519673195842,0.0,0.13465747105957734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462835447595625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748234280378187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036659050823798,0.0,0.16926688154722294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803203760546708,0.0,0.0,0.11643421063447555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017851788596142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289192814299674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28789959749015925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350306032120768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533574228122086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456238380807307,0.11382552024269485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107398407001704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14034023290579867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842511279635996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843091668815146,0.0,0.0,0.1594765067756985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556684581758372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198470818110074 bpd,uhhhhhhhhii,2020/03/12,"I think I have bpd I feel like I have just about every symptom of bpd, but I don’t think I’ve really experienced splitting. It seems like a big thing with this disorder. Is it possible to have bpd without the splitting/black and white thinking?",3.7043750000000015,5.620484020833337,4.577500000000004,83.61750000000002,73.375,8.133333333333335,28.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.316816666666667,195,8,38,4,4,63,35,48,0.09300000000000001,0.797,0.111,-0.0484,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,10,10,2,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,5,10,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7315473429361221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22189756172330946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631275160646074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789667810872067,0.13831734657891187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18917931119682596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21826985175269992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403360757760758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625823386219028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20123830298472495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862804213403986,0.3721786641510082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18663626671942685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,-Fane-,2020/03/12,"Unbearable pain when focusing on not splitting on my FP. I would really appreciate some advice on how to cope with unbearable pain when your FP is angry and yells at you, tells you things that normally would get you splitting. I recently been able to shut up when I get hurt instead of splitting on my FP but the pain is just too much I feel like my hole inside is burning, I think about cutting when this happens and I know that all of this is gonna lead to my death by suicide but honesty I’d rather that than hurting my FP ever again. Do you guys have any tips on how to manage the pain?",4.399750000000001,5.109130808333333,5.010000000000002,85.86000000000001,70.08333333333334,8.333333333333334,28.333333333333336,8.472884824447931,1.8205833333333337,467,16,98,7,8,150,75,120,0.24100000000000002,0.6920000000000001,0.067,-0.9774,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,5,0,1,13,8,1,0,2,0,9,4,0,3,2,20,16,10,2,4,5,0,1,1,0,3,4,1,0,1,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,1,2,16,1,17,12,3,16,0,2,0,0,7,8,0,1,8,70,22,2,0.1626217703364442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589121118591322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105883803669032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710070154137034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222645331958407,0.11617702522172188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699263260694888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102111999139065,0.14380589444187353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34817993713723594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937267205020175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944878264347961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954571269800025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933480705855765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6921641173011934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417967024594313,0.0,0.16056937937068436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788182216668827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213859511872645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803867819067448,0.10420146405230582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310436796009585,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MemeAlert,2020/03/12,shes so FUCKING HORRIBLE yet I cannot fucking leave SHE TREATS ME LIKE ABSOLUTE FUCKING SHIT CONSTANTLY THERE ARE CONSTANT FUCKING DOUBLE STANDARDS YET EVERY TIME WE ARGUE AND SHE SAYS SHE WANTS TO BREAK UP I BEG FOR HER BACK. I KNOW FOR A FACT I WILL KILL MYSELF IF SHE LEAVES. I JUST FUCKING WANT TO HAVE THE STRENGTH TO FUCKING LEAVE AND GO ON LIKE A NORMAL FUCKING PERSON BUT I CANT. SHE IS ALL I FUCKING HAVE AND I ENJOY HER COMPANY FOR THE MOST PART BUT I FUCKING HATE THIS SHIT. BEFORE I WAS WITH HER I WOULD NEVER SELF HARM LIKE THIS. NEVER. I DO IT EVERY WEEK NOW BECAUSE OF HER.,-1.2825161290322598,-0.7087607999999985,0.7680107526881734,96.4509677419355,127.83333333333334,2.8817204301075274,18.037634408602152,5.181179040167988,-0.2796075268817209,464,17,93,4,31,151,75,120,0.20199999999999999,0.62,0.179,-0.7433,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,1,0,0,1,7,21,14,0,4,0,11,11,2,0,4,20,25,7,1,5,4,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,0,2,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,15,0,0,1,1,25,6,10,22,4,14,0,0,0,9,15,2,11,2,13,71,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413612727788878,0.0,0.058772851643135025,0.0,0.08204089468388383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20837775667444014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16246527669205074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8021955943717038,0.0,0.0,0.054794085613527915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951884952824936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666739250598954,0.0,0.0529864075168374,0.0,0.0,0.30626432730216874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130848314010588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872026444998132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944648831096724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440656171850912,0.0,0.0,0.08418465953736548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667198530149856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058043914097073,0.0,0.1979344035546653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05621956076601428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373450942905178,0.0,0.07733719534490982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848947379938143,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,littlefinger2020,2020/03/12,"BPD with CPTSD and ADHD but also Codependent? is this possible? I sought help from a psychologist after my most recent painful break up and decided I never wanted to hurt another person again emotionally or experience this level of hurt again. I am new to understanding BPD but I can't figure out why codependency was never mentioned but PTSD and BPD were in my diagnosis. I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. BPD is plausible because of the five reasons below. (1) frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.  Note: Do not include [suicidal](https://behavenet.com/suicidal) or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5. (Check, bargaining in the past ) (2) a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. (Obvious Check) (3) identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self (check) (4) impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, [Substance Abuse](https://behavenet.com/substance-abuse), reckless driving, binge eating). ( EH this is loose for me-binge eating only when stressed (lost 27 pounds recently-IF and spending in the past- I have no debt and an emergency fund.) (7) chronic feelings of emptiness (check) But not plausible for the reasons below; (5) Don't want to be reddit flagged please read into this. (I've never thought about this for myself or anyone, I've never wanted to myself until my most recent breakup in which I thought about it) (6) affective instability due to a marked reactivity of [mood](https://behavenet.com/mood) (e.g., intense episodic [dysphoria](https://behavenet.com/dysphoria), [irritability](https://behavenet.com/irritable-mood), or [anxiety](https://behavenet.com/anxiety) usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)-I have chronic anxiety that has increased over years. (8) inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)  When I was a kiddo-I haven't felt true anger in years. I cope well with anger. I have PTSD diagnosed from war and from childhood traumas I experienced. Without getting into the weeds-I became codependent during my last relationship. I am still grieving and feel a deep loss three months post break up. But I am slowly moving forward with my life and feel a great deal of empathy towards the way things ended. Can someone be Codependent with CPTSD, BPD, and ADHD? Is there hope for healthy relationships with people? Can folks with BPD recover?",9.353371951219517,12.321759078048785,8.517118902439027,56.81958079268296,60.65853658536585,11.271341463414636,39.88567073170732,11.144777236671896,5.6224451219512215,2122,111,267,63,32,664,245,410,0.221,0.693,0.085,-0.997,2,1,0,0,3,0,147.0,0,0,0,6,10,25,8,4,16,0,24,9,0,4,6,68,37,30,2,5,15,0,4,0,0,0,6,0,0,3,10,23,2,3,12,1,9,4,11,20,1,3,8,5,20,5,55,27,7,56,0,6,0,1,10,21,0,10,29,174,30,1,0.0,0.08529247369456748,0.0,0.0,0.2595420896711639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05756774172574972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548433649500506,0.11013926409020974,0.0,0.0,0.05033477768758752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043882427017432286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.543988407194044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779205401538879,0.08073921045409245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421513160107535,0.0,0.14612997988707335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473207407794873,0.0,0.0809753536211764,0.06375885356189287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041681034418508,0.0,0.0,0.10919592253635142,0.0,0.06911852551707118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03761008205443973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793655960467933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0482511707334284,0.0,0.0,0.07149904056901674,0.07089240349391418,0.0,0.15412651245206208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173575445058862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050846338416351916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785819918412487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574591008835841,0.07651047464819215,0.0,0.0,0.222082337959922,0.06952520795898368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949826551092368,0.0765989292212179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743891016790313,0.04990651705476427,0.06285601387128423,0.0,0.0790197845386332,0.0,0.08115419332730682,0.06894336412181125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829721101539358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200618530617928,0.08193662982290484,0.0,0.1480286435627205,0.14215637266452366,0.2318603416674357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003913307991059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060994101270984924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057488675347697374,0.0,0.08246052699502036,0.0,0.0,0.07874177100664867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047824767895503516,0.0,0.0,0.11429880504840573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032055039657051,0.07494069832098067,0.0,0.0,0.07928318500168657,0.0,0.12737887059713895,0.0571396954709137,0.0,0.0,0.06472469276439041,0.0,0.06495680415944065,0.0,0.0,0.06939261446146015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271415527618232 bpd,rereatu,2020/03/12,"Get angry when s/o talks to other people Not sure where else to post this. Basically, the title. I get... so angry and sad whenever my boyfriend talks to his friends and doesn't frequently message me. And yes, he deserves to spend time with his friends. His world does not revolve around me. But my irrational brain screams ""Why aren't you paying attention to me?! How dare you!"" And then I get upset, then I feel worthless, then I want to self harm. Let me tell you: it's really, really exhausting. I hate feeling like this. I really, really do. I hate it so much that I hate myself because of how toxic that is to think. I don't want to be like this as a person because it's so damn tiring. I never actually tell him any of this because I don't want him to feel guilty over it and be forced to cater to this poisonous mental health trait of mine. I don't want that. I would hate it. I'm wondering if I should ever bring this up in therapy but I'm so apprehensive. Does anyone else feel like this? Has anyone ever got help for it? I need advice. Please.",1.0735563380281692,3.4186492723004704,2.8843955399061048,90.19025528169014,84.44600938967136,6.179107981220657,19.6731220657277,7.492282038375204,0.6406840375586857,817,23,172,14,24,271,115,213,0.18,0.706,0.114,-0.9268,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,3,0,0,11,19,6,2,2,1,13,5,1,2,4,32,35,19,0,8,5,0,4,3,2,2,4,1,0,2,17,7,0,0,7,0,2,1,8,13,0,0,1,5,31,6,21,29,1,17,0,2,0,0,19,6,1,2,12,109,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.1067545274845307,0.0,0.0,0.10690031688884506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439290037203486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298418422238355,0.11208893247663262,0.0,0.09738546184134196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20006000644209626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122121900420736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19146601651688894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827723194335618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19790954163749894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22125522878460765,0.15630477332545384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903785885376527,0.0,0.17146438265846065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874938206725671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4320228460822804,0.0,0.11628262768442385,0.0,0.0,0.07332570373355199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186462485613848,0.0,0.16033579709549756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024524368766947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041850567971452,0.08111560503562719,0.08437279070216433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584127863235142,0.09552019942605733,0.0,0.12008374557748758,0.0,0.0,0.10477094369210826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803270218330234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141236854541374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310425382546327,0.0,0.0,0.175856412292335,0.19123351496072774,0.0,0.1251036396976114,0.0,0.0,0.0700964161708921,0.0,0.0,0.06378957503096515,0.1257343878294699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580979262015272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871270074642344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186350866093232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777116428557736,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kpickles99,2020/03/12,lol can i just never become close with anyone ever again my friend who i became really invested in just told me she likes this guy and my stomach literally did flips and i am sick to my stomach and want to vomit. i’m convinced she’s not really into our friendship anymore and would be just fine without me. i’m honestly ready to just ignore her or try to cut off contact before i let myself get even more hurt. in my mind if i just act like she doesn’t exist maybe she’ll get my point. one time she was busy and not talking to me as much and i was being mean to her literally for no reason just cause i was upset that i felt like she didn’t care as much as i did anymore. but i understand that all my messed up feelings aren’t her fault at all. it’s me. lol why am i so screwed up i don’t want to become close with anyone ever again because i will constantly get reminded of the fact that they will never feel the same way about me as i do for them and what’s the freaking point of it if that’s the case lol,2.6067799539170515,3.559035009216593,4.218269009216591,88.97597494239633,74.48387096774194,7.083986175115207,22.77908986175116,7.413659706084162,0.7082721198156681,795,20,178,9,16,267,119,217,0.129,0.7440000000000001,0.127,-0.6574,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,2,0,13,16,2,1,4,3,20,5,2,2,7,45,34,16,0,5,13,0,3,3,1,4,2,0,0,1,9,12,0,1,6,0,1,1,10,8,0,1,8,3,38,8,26,19,6,21,0,1,0,1,18,11,1,3,11,131,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27677381823724306,0.19514024674575373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506273425039827,0.3082235477484165,0.11873888414558938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227107482728474,0.1433467686684833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079395710895754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216533657211423,0.2524451595096976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111197232014053,0.0,0.13398098435855432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780882237521963,0.0,0.21871281734223075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816726193255005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938123823965274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268985129087697,0.0,0.2045176576025084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018741951391378,0.1520007634740939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089635939282785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20515698561953988,0.0,0.21524482782239407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455641044915808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26382218807954644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787867304324741,0.14347111161172288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121575536091537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136732221452747,0.0,0.0,0.13333714804841287,0.0,0.0947389964354846,0.0,0.0,0.14526682180282585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460947665779774,0.11076093692493813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591380526365825,0.0,0.0,0.1345122848499394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912573145371434,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SoHeavyIFell,2020/03/12,"does anybody else feel like haven't lived life in a meaningful way? wasted what was supposed to be happy? i just started college this year and i also turned 19. but one thing that weighs on me a lot is that I never lived anything that I was supposed to have lived or should be living during all these years. I never had best friends, boyfriends, popularity and even dates and social media (which is a stupidly simple things to achieve!!), for example. it is embarrassing to talk about it. with each passing day, I feel that I continue to lose things and that I have no control over that. I feel like I'm constantly losing time by trying to make every second count, which is frustrating because in the end, that feeling is still there. Today, my therapist said a lot of heavy things, like ""the world is cruel, and life will be full of disappointments and fights"", ""i need to keep my feet on the ground"" and that i need to ""risk it all"", but the thing is that I don't know **how** because all my life i've felt like a loser.. it's not because I don't want to, I just feel completely lonely in this whole thing. has anyone ever experienced this?",4.904539969834087,5.870047538461537,5.159619909502262,84.31234087481148,69.09049773755656,7.8842835595776775,26.950527903469077,8.021203637495839,1.5171463650075414,890,27,177,11,15,281,127,221,0.19399999999999998,0.713,0.092,-0.9834,0,2,0,0,1,0,38.0,0,0,0,6,9,19,4,2,9,0,21,5,1,3,6,39,37,12,0,4,6,0,6,4,1,2,3,1,0,0,26,9,1,2,8,0,0,1,7,11,0,2,5,8,18,8,21,27,9,25,0,5,0,0,5,9,0,3,18,128,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501713406998224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433535543976816,0.0,0.08748516821036306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944192043608602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156718441191682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146540930981017,0.1148847824761442,0.11923719906507575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856201444778456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303376335772257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880947660507765,0.0,0.09416028558568956,0.0,0.0,0.07021763237022305,0.09616468654798747,0.08957188267389711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687710196680026,0.15189767414375638,0.10207555089790696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213587165589835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317039013632135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449439690213346,0.0,0.0,0.058425927977281814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252725141123841,0.20775338797091175,0.0,0.3754994167109961,0.0,0.0,0.2378703750249472,0.0,0.18076418606718728,0.0,0.0,0.07096363986374307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576570117410337,0.16398770678604296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203931015834612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011264221137038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837101522766608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752477082177932,0.0,0.08490036734157158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544902194014174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343565080199785,0.4237711519143166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619909928255808,0.0,0.10077071240869837,0.0,0.0,0.07217841620559416,0.1156362015277422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270517825087192,0.0843849872331493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869280597070493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692202495715824 bpd,l_ncoln,2020/03/12,"“Nobody can love you like me” Does anybody else feel like nobody can love you the way you love them? I don’t know if it’s the constant need for validation or something else. The best way I can explain it is no matter who I look at in my life past or present I don’t feel anybody has been capable of giving me the love that I give them. Not even in the sense of reciprocated actions/behaviour, just as in the are physically unable to love somebody as deep as I can? Sorry that this is a bit of a ramble I don’t really know how to articulate it.",2.5038596491228056,3.835432894736844,4.565789473684212,84.88885964912285,75.3157894736842,7.522807017543862,24.947368421052627,8.167268648758528,1.3562000000000003,426,14,93,7,9,147,68,114,0.027999999999999997,0.684,0.28800000000000003,0.9874,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,2,1,3,8,0,0,8,0,12,6,0,1,0,13,26,7,0,2,5,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,3,15,8,13,25,2,10,0,0,1,5,14,5,0,3,5,64,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071726960174762,0.0,0.167195758128418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549641057701914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401908909364932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558676490755609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115148295555744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487042953288002,0.10940752684546963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938231795008895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833006350304755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081715427802692,0.14963879137578676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860406195987975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6911011822184108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355581210617675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619517760712308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810924360846933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178992662043706,0.0,0.17143439910853642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24312031920456845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kithulhuuu,2020/03/13,"my FP won't talk to me anymore. what do I do?? She's my little sister, we're about 3 years apart and for the past couple of years our relationship with each other has been VERY toxic. She's been emotionally manipulating me for months and trying to ruin my relationship with my partner, while also denying it completely. I haven't been the best either, of course, I can't control my anger well or my moods which leads to me lashing out at her unfortunately. Though we were working through all of our issues, or so I thought, but the other night I had to put my cat down and when I told her she responded with ""What do you want me to say? That sucks? Yeah it sucks, I'm not gonna write a paragraph saying boohoo. I've got my own issues."" I didn't really take it well and I ended up telling her not to be a c*nt and that she's not the only one that has emotions and she said I was the one being a c*nt for getting mad and deleted me. Her father is saying that I verbally abused her and that I can't talk to her until she is 18, she's 17 now. I really don't know how to process this or what I should so. Any advice would help.",2.2159560293137908,3.5603401181434613,3.9127115256495695,89.22737508327782,76.08860759493672,6.677237397290696,21.756384632467245,7.273561745256523,0.5129206751054847,876,22,197,10,19,294,133,237,0.11199999999999999,0.8270000000000001,0.061,-0.9177,0,0,0,0,1,0,26.0,3,1,0,4,10,9,4,0,8,1,23,0,0,4,1,33,35,20,0,3,8,2,0,0,1,4,0,4,0,1,15,14,0,1,2,0,0,2,9,5,2,2,11,4,43,3,24,18,5,18,0,1,0,0,33,6,2,3,10,145,58,2,0.0,0.16043385793148904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231708508761794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828405482222332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208065995423048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342862749861587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421001454045324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197051717303985,0.0,0.1518692383794409,0.0,0.1498240605165599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046268402375894,0.11992944290552165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074399767933978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829647330803084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075972515694462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826571744763116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744155452584827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357122911157636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807970303498388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706927097220935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18350909368740453,0.10298229381664016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292602596279282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361203357907778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348898244523914,0.0,0.0,0.2907505395159632,0.0,0.0,0.12880202509674987,0.3230406358714732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180839051115877,0.2176682777534048,0.11835073088217975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303561602988978,0.1074971650871632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938614672975562,0.0,0.09193172250377464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117240540412012,0.07986591213208276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434923437865509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857711289530713,0.0,0.0,0.09618847127214596,0.0,0.0,0.17439392916522306 bpd,haveuhniceday,2020/03/13,"A rant about panic buyers I purposely do my grocery shopping in the afternoon on weekdays because that’s when stores are least crowded. I have agoraphobia and terrible social anxiety. Because of these stupid panic buyers, I can’t do my shopping! The stores are so crowded and I ended up having a panic attack today. If you are a healthy, non-immune compromised person, STOP FUCKING BUYING EVERYTHING. You’re only hurting the people who are most at-risk whether it be an immune deficiency or mental health problems. Stop buying all the hand sanitizer, stop buying all the ramen, stop buying all the Gatorade YOU ARE SO FREAKING SELFISH. I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m losing my sanity. I’m just so over this. I’m either going to have to start spending tons of extra money to do grocery delivery, or drive up and go, or just starve in my house because going out in public right now is absolutely miserable.",4.98,7.212943666666671,6.157857142857143,72.28714285714288,70.66666666666666,7.8952380952380965,30.452380952380953,8.634040054169528,2.880923809523809,728,31,110,13,14,243,105,168,0.297,0.649,0.054000000000000006,-0.9927,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,0,1,8,14,3,4,10,0,14,4,1,0,3,22,23,13,0,3,9,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,6,4,0,4,0,2,10,4,1,13,0,0,0,2,10,1,14,22,8,23,0,3,0,1,8,9,1,6,11,78,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108899924792624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520291000444856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655649613535072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286172972716522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050978651635095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424883293547285,0.0,0.0,0.2475869184757685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543566456698886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16755849498736194,0.15545555136312705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709446639144132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245832596196333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634246194427525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044247331296167,0.0,0.5111351823592319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006737257845204,0.12679604744690529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389510453711711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401272917060895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802830083265828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255618902429206,0.10278385198875538,0.0,0.0,0.4856246269837329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764674346012726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwRA8183883,2020/03/13,"My best friend might be moving in with me, and she’s in a major mental health crisis. Alternate account because she has my real account. She’s currently in the hospital right now, so I’m gonna delete this post once she gets out. I don’t want her to think I’m against her. So my best friend Jamie just had a baby a few months ago. She’s diagnosed anxiety, depression, ptsd, ppd, bipolar, and BPD. She lived with her baby dads parents until a bunch of stuff happened and she had to go to the mental hospital. She is no longer allowed to be around her child because she threatened to kill herself and the baby. She does have an 4 year old that she lost custody of years ago, but for completely different reasons. Jamie lives in a different state than me, although we’re from the same place. We’ve known each other for 7 years, went to school together, even lived together at one point. We’ve been there for each other through thick & thin, and we’ve always helped each other through any situation. She’s just so bad off I don’t even know if I can help her anymore. The mental hospital won’t release her until she has a place to go, but nobody wants to open their home to her. I volunteered. I haven’t talked to her yet about it, but I’ve been talking to her baby daddy’s mom about what was going on. I just hope she can get the help she needs. I already have a therapist set up for her that she can have multiple appointments in a week. Everybody else has given up hope on her, she’s ruined every friendship she’s had. I don’t want to give up on her because I know she’s not herself right now. Though we aren’t blood, that’s my sister.",3.4967168674698783,4.799936780120486,4.339200000000002,87.60580000000002,72.76506024096386,7.601156626506023,25.930602409638553,8.109356740369918,1.4440906987951814,1289,42,269,19,25,415,171,332,0.076,0.83,0.094,0.7107,6,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,1,0,1,3,16,11,1,0,15,0,25,4,1,2,0,37,47,16,1,7,8,4,2,0,2,3,3,0,1,1,10,14,0,0,5,0,2,5,8,5,0,1,9,2,50,6,44,33,9,45,0,3,0,0,48,23,0,4,14,178,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134050382195246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665052254239772,0.0,0.08041665488328416,0.104715172368696,0.0,0.06572213706081972,0.0,0.0739334112903319,0.0,0.09584619587233717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603483180330312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069481189305543,0.17674228451937798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20284661811245028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172140722164387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133078751694273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324047927828111,0.09809297341945176,0.0,0.2019475954284581,0.0,0.0,0.08457497770003904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080734770177424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276666551481215,0.0,0.08142785700893106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933588114586882,0.0,0.10098638984609648,0.09271100491019474,0.16477730106220734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546314425897082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027294641860854,0.0,0.0,0.1943379782246987,0.0,0.09694314383156297,0.19198123455495744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692373609108834,0.0,0.10622748940688792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560187853999729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054997919371241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921872778064788,0.10252542013510138,0.0,0.11318983994155472,0.0771413786552858,0.10271868868762712,0.0,0.071661286026789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141301410509228,0.10292412001881447,0.0654893753651703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731319939571644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019475954284581,0.0,0.09136107336737324,0.0,0.09255950886292644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297321644373423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000354147052956,0.0,0.09936749330655267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506916387903872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781023145181726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863339780590886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106357782185564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535970736322466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221267459457453,0.0,0.06192642373152332,0.09495354393672877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17101175511473865,0.0,0.07752305246066417,0.0,0.0,0.08959118718320552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18670926751940212 bpd,purityfuck,2020/03/13,"DAE randomly get these sudden waves of anxiety and it feels like you’re just absolutely suffocating Could just be sat on the couch watching a show, and then all of a sudden my heart is pounding out of my chest, i can’t breathe, and everything starts to tingle. I’ll almost start to have a panic attack, but it’s like half the time I start to freak out, there’s nothing really for me to even be anxious over. It’s just a constant knot in my stomach that feels like it’ll never go away, and it makes everything, even things i do everyday, seem so impossible just because my anxiety is so through the roof.",7.41,6.239236000000003,7.648333333333337,75.85000000000005,64.0,11.333333333333336,35.0,10.504223727775694,3.411,480,18,96,10,6,157,79,120,0.11699999999999999,0.8140000000000001,0.069,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,9,6,1,1,7,0,9,5,4,1,2,20,19,8,0,1,5,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,8,6,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,1,3,8,3,15,14,1,17,0,0,1,0,0,6,0,3,13,64,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17976429654687195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746660659757451,0.2028075713612185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042309935540895,0.16866583905595994,0.0,0.0,0.10943430296096616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19399836758559566,0.0,0.14333286832618147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23714378461529276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226837029450477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815423694804335,0.2564996006329774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379228528762416,0.0,0.1020258911701171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21273318640488745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26311460006748205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983162604113327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384576213442527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17225519023194094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21062915120737616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500571546379815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16342912769850146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3811975505591529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192657401751126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468010779121484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SophieCatAndyCat,2020/03/13,"My coworkers are talking shit My coworkers are talking shit and i am really pissed. Im trying to be nice and myself and everyone keeps calling me a weirdo. Its pissing me off. I dont even want to say hi or even talk to anyone anymore",0.7231249999999996,3.16271172916667,3.2633333333333354,85.915,87.95833333333334,6.533333333333335,24.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.784266666666667,185,8,36,4,6,64,35,48,0.322,0.629,0.049,-0.9394,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,0,5,4,4,0,0,6,7,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,7,1,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,4,1,0,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196580868211392,0.1548706215601481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261655628935749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595840666792211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925834767406161,0.0,0.0,0.21164272711225868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392466882930077,0.0,0.0,0.196870061300004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189185742323768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613735543295092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4547116166905334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5340746564519727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037684443501328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064025689123285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Pyxidys,2020/03/13,"DAE feels like they have no identity ? As if you were nothing and so many things at the same time. As if you could be anyone, and so, you are nobody. No sense of true self. No understanding of your personality. You feel empty. Llike a liar who doesn't know the truth. For me, it even shows in my understanding of my apparence : I don't know what I look like, I don't look the same every other day, I look like something different everytime I look at my reflection or a picture of myself. I can't remember what I look like, I couldn't describe myself. Am I even something ? I tried to explain this to my therapist this morning and couldn't. She didn't understood what I was trying to explain. Does anyone else can relate to this or did I just became the ghost of myself ? Sorry for my bad english, it's not my first language. I'm drunk and I did my best. Love you all <3",1.603093434343435,3.8240138295454535,3.2415151515151517,89.23782828282829,81.1590909090909,6.1838383838383875,21.709595959595962,7.3871296695380915,0.7685376262626259,678,21,142,10,18,224,98,176,0.132,0.75,0.11800000000000001,0.3773,1,0,2,0,0,0,25.0,0,6,1,2,5,10,1,0,6,0,17,2,0,0,3,29,33,12,1,5,6,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,11,4,1,0,11,2,0,0,11,2,0,1,6,7,32,8,16,23,4,6,0,0,5,1,14,3,0,4,7,104,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19099608698311665,0.1399396127512851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403636424767395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332947984398808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904588320711414,0.0,0.0,0.08808107795904288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426942390159004,0.0,0.0,0.11951974032757573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409283253062885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18041607443174765,0.0,0.1150722895802066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811520170276295,0.09757087058930354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617260563658326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501186555980101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668991351772112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5734527892431649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326637107808723,0.0,0.0,0.13846797418343498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104962996418587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925405499240208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547154887452089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424799397704215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102877996986152,0.0,0.15288713722228384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15857680479175712,0.09073590813901093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963933842677351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545408141725367,0.0,0.0,0.2843636307272137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,deathly-erised,2020/03/13,"I was upfront about my BPD on a date and it worked out. So long story short I’m getting divorced cause I let my BPD get out of hand and it helped ruin the relationship, in addition to other things in my ex’s side. It’s been over since last July and I finally went out on my first date this week. Every part of me was saying to back out and just keep up the isolation, that no one would want to date me and he’d probably end up ghosting me after. Well, because I word vomit everything, my depression and anxiety came up in conversation and I told him how my ex would sing “Ohio is for lovers” when I’d get upset (specifically the cutting verse). The guy asked if I used to cut and I said yes AND I told him I have BPD so I’m likely to feel big emotions and they can change with a drop of the hat if I don’t pay attention. Guys, we’re going on a second date tomorrow. He texts me good morning every day and he said he liked that I was upfront and that I’m “real” and he doesn’t have to hide his side either. I’m so freaking happy. Now I’m just trying to not jump on him being my FP cause this is obviously so new, but I’m so insanely happy that I went against everything telling me to hide myself and stay home.",1.1602325581395334,2.9379741899224783,3.32963178294574,90.33770348837211,80.35658914728683,6.625581395348838,21.21511627906977,7.645422480735847,0.7050744186046511,943,27,213,15,24,322,144,258,0.09,0.828,0.08199999999999999,0.4676,0,1,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,1,2,13,13,2,1,8,1,16,3,1,4,1,41,38,24,1,5,7,2,2,2,1,2,1,3,1,2,11,21,0,1,2,1,1,5,4,6,1,3,11,5,31,7,31,22,2,43,0,2,0,1,26,19,0,2,19,132,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632473756850184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549315737389102,0.0,0.0,0.0867694538308089,0.0,0.06878816609935028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42636617267454013,0.0,0.0,0.129062556687097,0.0,0.23184209677404305,0.11937314096000927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277452739472869,0.0,0.09719168104601704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269334094177236,0.09994557975057668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19015052232496307,0.0,0.20283238029719688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05705691144368132,0.0,0.0,0.12361420762538793,0.0,0.09598436653270503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17686774049734694,0.0,0.0641313898691121,0.09464752063357174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234650143112273,0.0,0.2402473650630601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563641695525787,0.0,0.1131909282186678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030021917223417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919822673125608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538981526734172,0.0,0.11025897317931972,0.0,0.0,0.099862679219903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898466375331946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646547133775647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219818689355287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166405305706415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284402637903311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115136421340775,0.0,0.0,0.21467944417092424,0.08973744020641665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334505943601544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202758347524812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862992877605817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496800658614226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156530228658842,0.0,0.07661312418792084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746029212942654,0.0,0.0,0.06655784181902605,0.0,0.09051600680098948,0.0,0.1014595868828684,0.20921355005979794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215119206566336,0.0,0.0,0.16032114039235146,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,IllegitimatePigeon,2020/03/13,"Feeling invalidated about something I medically can’t control Im also bipolar and I started lithium just over a week ago at a beginners dose of 300mg (150 2x day) and at my 5 day blood work check up my doctor informed me that i’m already in the therapeutic range so we won’t have to raise it anymore. And I guess I should be happy because the side effects of lithium get worse the higher dose you’re on and I’m already experiencing some side effects but instead my brain is telling me i’m invalid because most patients take 900-1200mg a day to reach therapeutic levels. And I KNOW it’s a stupid thing to feel invalid about because therapeutic levels are measured by the amount of lithium in your blood, not how sick you are but my brain has convinced myself that I was never sick to begin with if such a small dose could “cure” me !!!!",3.9081093605189987,5.543207012048197,5.028554216867472,81.75374884151995,72.25301204819277,6.794439295644115,31.443929564411487,7.321109707123232,1.996340685820204,668,31,127,7,13,220,106,166,0.042,0.8540000000000001,0.10400000000000001,0.8370000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,1,2,0,4,8,3,1,0,9,0,11,12,4,4,1,26,22,11,0,3,5,0,2,0,0,2,8,1,0,0,5,7,0,1,6,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,4,17,2,18,17,3,21,0,0,0,0,5,12,0,4,9,78,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181673409308952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37799197879173696,0.13696114062799736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984958148255988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132059940685871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823783863557176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920890767241993,0.1367417476121609,0.0,0.0,0.33135667787126705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529772953173267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319419584846624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894792740321195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18866850781708225,0.0,0.0,0.18231555189365925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18499637534740268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412316500143122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253220266861066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209068746011846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131848724530431,0.0,0.0,0.12122276362160415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877051300675135,0.0,0.1496937949210764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378133942515853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737903623459966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468348958784325,0.0,0.1745344082469261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Meowzuhs23,2020/03/13,"Rushing? Hey guys, I'm wondering if rushing around getting tasks done is common for people with BPD? For example, when trying to clean, i feel like i have to do it really fast and get it done.. Even when there is no 'deadline' to get it done? I usually feel pretty frantic when this happens.",3.178214285714283,5.286873250000003,4.370857142857143,83.67414285714288,75.42857142857143,7.337142857142857,27.271428571428572,8.238735603445708,2.011747142857143,226,9,42,4,5,74,40,56,0.084,0.77,0.146,0.5913,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,15,5,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,2,3,1,7,12,0,9,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,7,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855940822164463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26257705612819005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6400515170647251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377010635996238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21083055081039206,0.14894030588800014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267713078585739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20643096016769105,0.18436083955320148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185426909292758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453587050626532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21210217485244454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13355955641081949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154628039924422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22961458416650016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22609093391986065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Awkward_Register,2020/03/13,"How do I leverage BPD? I likely have BPD but i'm also autistic. I understand there are several similarities to NPD and since NPD is usually associated with success, how do I isolate the more destructive elements of BPD and manifest the more useful traits of NPD? I understand that I am not normal, but I'd rather weaponize my abnormalities for gain then to sulk and let it destroy others and most importantly destroy me. So far I've done better at keeping my distance from people and I live semi-alone (1 roommate who i avoid when i can and we keep everything seperate) but I want to improve.",4.767668650793649,6.758514794642862,6.331190476190474,71.83603174603178,70.69642857142857,9.263492063492064,33.87301587301587,9.725611199111238,3.693300396825397,475,24,81,12,9,162,79,112,0.153,0.645,0.201,0.7506,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,3,7,8,4,1,2,0,9,0,0,3,0,24,16,15,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,14,3,9,14,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,59,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17790136663781767,0.0,0.13736398208082226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519161363894905,0.0,0.0,0.6490128983516638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577980359146994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15437532273079338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053531922663522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564591950892455,0.0,0.08391788600805866,0.0,0.15167558784676893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829760923911932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908332182084755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19405060742387892,0.0,0.14208947954607345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576361494368982,0.0,0.14835367044327438,0.18917980239288876,0.0,0.10131408304751073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mymentalthrow,2020/03/13,"Tempted to block FP after a had an episode, freaked him out then told him about my sus BPD I'm not yet diagnosed but it is highly likely - I have ADHD so it was first thought to be emotional issues related to that. I freaked out last night because I got paranoid and thought he was being cold and insensitive. I ranted, deleted my messages and then he came back making usual conversation. I asked if he seen them, he said he had but didn't know what to say. He said he had to go rest then, I asked if he could at least reassure me that everything is okay. He said he still likes me. He left and I explained a lil more how he makes me insecure. Usually I am quiet, but once I let it out I cant seem to stop. After a few hours I could see how selfish I had been. I sent him a 20 min recording explaining everything, which I know was dumb. I said that I cant be romantically involved with anyone until I'm having treatment fo whatever is wrong with me, whether it is BPD or something else, unless the other person understands I have mental health issues. So more communication and affirmation is required to make things stable. But that I can still be his friend and promise to remain detached emotionally enough to be a good one. He still hasn't replied. It's been a day. I am super impulsive and impatient, online communicating makes it so easy to relieve my bad feelings by just cutting someone off or sending walls of text. I am scared of what he will say. Please remind me why I would be better off just leaving it for now?",3.8816412323639504,5.348445874172184,5.0427900950187174,82.29502591419524,72.04635761589405,7.9011805355600355,28.69334868989346,8.456263369488248,2.0541835300892606,1202,47,237,20,23,397,175,302,0.13699999999999998,0.718,0.145,0.685,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,1,4,14,19,2,2,8,1,36,2,0,6,0,47,64,26,0,5,13,0,1,2,1,2,2,7,0,1,16,13,0,3,9,0,0,4,5,9,0,2,21,11,34,10,27,32,6,34,0,0,2,0,38,9,1,5,23,162,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120967860354765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703803806852457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881978471931604,0.0,0.0,0.0773975526924844,0.08404279746759519,0.0613584098463398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890212492391126,0.0,0.0,0.2535431295919452,0.0,0.0,0.11512261044415542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607298011912453,0.0,0.0,0.06491420736250189,0.0,0.0,0.10216279962348684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408441360030014,0.2264468614266341,0.0,0.10400361685493607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809246128528729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05089423887055453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561716984937393,0.0,0.0,0.07776587440602996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572046083903602,0.08442471563476454,0.08050307210306933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699165596900982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634763106323497,0.0,0.0,0.09912499021176978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101155301022065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106348124281644,0.08204733424944438,0.0,0.10657920899728322,0.10936205198851744,0.10292665117777962,0.0,0.0983499873481463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687522220818746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143665842211423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445798529435258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071943879705122,0.06820649532449051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788814390073242,0.0,0.1104890648770371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3829841691665163,0.1600899383418431,0.10077330653107508,0.0,0.08020907647828401,0.09163261543075052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528473282727822,0.07748920739700553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24114985951706286,0.08415216396228352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687077057457802,0.0,0.0,0.15981779955609526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096180253900765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478550058142842,0.0,0.0,0.22171472682329846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090825564646643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715024894326947,0.11005054201874516,0.0,0.0 bpd,Fredanaor,2020/03/13,"My gf left me because my bpd got too much for her We still talk and she's still very supportive. I'm getting help in anyway I can. I know its not easy for her in anyway, but its really hard not having her around and I don't want her to grow distant. She still has feelings and she said that she wants to be there for me but she's just not able to.",-0.636637806637804,1.3586018441558458,1.2323809523809537,101.46539682539681,89.0,4.461183261183262,15.049062049062044,5.82211442006289,-0.9874981240981242,270,5,68,2,9,88,50,77,0.069,0.882,0.049,-0.1227,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,15,14,5,0,2,6,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,3,17,1,9,11,1,8,0,0,0,0,14,4,0,0,3,51,20,0,0.22789427262043566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028742190237546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892223335125378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28702485854822496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523019169362313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906535145494795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18226786835256528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20414850527090006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275272713238258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252447322820776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476077940117456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675285122271043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599490660701153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21677964052535115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5459899814931385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586117199003561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317278385068672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880366419308546,0.2688358930570737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,paxtimus,2020/03/13,"kind of struggling... advice? hi! i had a depression diagnosed at 14, bipolar 2 at 16, bipolar 1 at 17... but honestly after learning what bipolar disorder actually is and how it behaves i’m not so convinced. there are days i’m so manic it’s scary but by an hour later i’m suicidal. i’ve never been able to keep close friends and my love life is a codependent mess. i read a common feature in bpd includes things like texting the same exact thing to multiple different people at the same time, and i exhibit such behaviors my mania is too severe to be bipolar 2, so i was switched to bipolar 1, but the mania never lasts more than an absolute maximum of a couple days, and i never have time between episodes i’m always dissociated and i’ve been doing it since i was 11 years old, it’s ruined my sense of time completely. a small inconvenience (like dropping my soda on the ground on a bad day) will happen and i’m on my bed face flat in my pillows wet from my tears. i know no one is a doctor or can tell me yes or no bpd fits better, but i just wanted to reach out and ask if any of this sounds like enough i should bring it to my psychiatrist (he’s kind of a dickhead and tells me my problems aren’t actually bad and i just think they are. lol) thank you so much for your time! i look forward to any replies",1.5645301271420669,3.7285637835820933,3.6915588723051407,86.27511055831955,80.94029850746269,6.656937534549475,24.851299060254284,7.793537801064563,1.4577491431730245,1026,40,210,18,27,350,159,268,0.205,0.69,0.105,-0.9867,2,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,1,1,10,18,0,1,14,2,18,11,1,1,4,35,33,21,1,4,10,0,1,3,1,2,8,1,2,0,9,11,1,1,3,1,0,2,7,7,0,1,5,3,25,11,28,25,5,34,0,2,1,1,10,15,0,3,21,132,34,3,0.11914207494600985,0.0,0.2325309573927521,0.0,0.0,0.11642425673868365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913575062770916,0.0,0.0,0.16204139303824425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138175707661986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19895731202424613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053714833117222,0.0,0.0,0.3001105452568887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491819880805728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182843980927714,0.0,0.2305103458867073,0.0,0.10261689457040568,0.1209266981492246,0.0,0.12447811022056475,0.13654713987343006,0.12194696218922366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310561210338156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204887155859187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535694340201156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733094447842242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589895045968573,0.0,0.24813627395963084,0.06547736855588777,0.09711669276191344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415357098412116,0.17462039915987915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004933625631074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753037425594596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875831337481597,0.0,0.2756691392229079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501956580161838,0.0,0.08073375340455123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259811338131125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400287523464672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191743164835368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459663224564047,0.0,0.09855555557557044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455316525141487,0.0,0.13032209244967788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20827084980467367,0.10969001536769303,0.0,0.0,0.15830540114562408,0.07634143087926751,0.0,0.0,0.2778908080648197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027308266787746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672359003886389 bpd,disengage2thrive,2020/03/13,"For the Quiet Ones... Hello all, The more and more I see people talking about Quiet BPD, the more I relate. I have the violent outbursts but they're in my HEAD. I almost never vocalize the nasty things I'm thinking. I hate you, I hope you die, fuck off, shut the fuck up, I hope I die, etc. I've had a history of pulling my hair but that's the most self harm I've done physically. Do any of you consider yourself the ""quiet"" type? Do you self harm or have a history of it? I often don't speak on what I'm feeling inside but my pwBPD can see my face changing and knows I'm about to split or go into shut down mode.",0.9627608142493608,2.6294437938931305,3.169790076335879,91.78053753180666,80.5267175572519,6.198727735368958,20.84033078880407,7.1686216300943375,0.4277475826972013,471,13,108,6,12,161,79,131,0.253,0.659,0.08800000000000001,-0.9835,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,4,0,0,3,8,4,0,10,0,8,5,3,0,2,18,22,7,2,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,6,0,1,2,8,17,2,13,20,6,11,0,0,2,2,9,8,2,7,1,68,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17993807235026074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221984134416841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22631891641943075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900929410664748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729890157114702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183889849238494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20040685358151325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085893206188066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322493161487529,0.0,0.0,0.10212451826985333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741110407647465,0.18441838596820564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569543432752614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987553908769161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385914665228926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176563521519347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457753194074782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863864827224281,0.0,0.3749210806104221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444316222932754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938103281227028,0.11514097180234363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SpicyHumor,2020/03/13,"I’m the one who always has to initiate communication with friends! I can go for months and in some cases, years, before I talk to my so-called friends. And when we do talk, it’s because I initiated contact. I don’t know what it is about me that I seem to keep finding myself involved in these one-way friendships. Does anyone else experience this a lot? If so, what do you do about it? BTW: I’m not exaggerating over the length of time between communication. Because I’ve been tentatively diagnosed with BPD, I realize I struggle with relationships. So, I’m hoping to learn how best to manage these situations which make me feel irrelevant and lonely.",5.277235772357719,6.844376073170736,6.5286178861788615,72.59747967479676,68.7560975609756,9.369105691056909,31.55284552845529,9.725611199111238,3.0920991869918706,519,22,95,12,9,175,85,123,0.039,0.8109999999999999,0.15,0.9253,0,2,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,1,0,1,6,6,0,1,3,0,8,1,0,2,0,21,18,8,0,2,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,11,7,0,1,6,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,1,13,4,16,17,3,8,0,1,0,0,10,3,0,5,4,64,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611250549643985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311862794782722,0.19223595036367488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287393567375729,0.0,0.1596483831524152,0.0,0.19689263269514945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362972431706206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190427466478582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418503965654402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673006134574727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835255818376001,0.0,0.0,0.09486487255824373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147868381766346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289905102370108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662715476496587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18634617156217956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667627508847857,0.0,0.0,0.10310948365096023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159505398829276,0.0,0.0,0.12523591011148988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975422587279888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254268484221139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20143061437362592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17079961461111426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108895469064964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19613819002522045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015991302407205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940107384758033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892176748799146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120819298747519 bpd,Square-Text,2020/03/13,"Are you guys also always afraid of getting fired? Im always super paranoid and on edge that im going to get fired. Like I was late yesterday for work and today I sent my boss a message beforehand that im not feeling well and if there is a chance I could go home early if I feel even worse. Then I explained my mediocre symptoms and this guy straight up tells me to go home. I'm like yeah well it's only a stomach ache runny nose combined with sneezing but nope. Then I go on to wish him a nice day guy doesn't even respond immediately. Just got this job. Fml. Thanks Coronavirus.",1.6558963585434157,3.845619512605044,3.0522899159663868,90.84185224089636,80.76470588235293,5.311204481792718,23.36204481792717,6.42735559955562,0.5668481792717084,458,16,95,4,12,149,85,119,0.115,0.708,0.17800000000000002,0.8642,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,3,7,8,0,1,4,1,5,3,2,1,0,16,19,10,0,4,5,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,2,3,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,5,3,1,2,0,3,5,11,7,9,15,0,16,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,2,9,52,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199788070740124,0.2330655266070941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181847541986477,0.0,0.0,0.09032062065114142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18500331961985275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14162690816467716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634061914034047,0.0,0.3183744171792775,0.0,0.11201072511089463,0.0,0.0,0.4160143564436576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28096300325900553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4538338805253346,0.0,0.13897794830180218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798242440882435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684264599752044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651428482971352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556550440036975,0.0,0.0,0.1224098142680169,0.1289391618731842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275096073997306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25184341791913456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105051111104482,0.0,0.0,0.10195801910682407,0.0,0.14272284638216742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,justasmalltowngirI,2020/03/13,"How to deal with jealousy? Yesterday my bf told me about him exchanging numbers with a girl he knows. He just wanted to tell me, because we tend to be very open and honest with each other and he knows about my past with situations like this (cheating and stuff like that). He isn‘t really the type of guy who chats with a lot of people so within the three years of our relationship, I never had to deal with him being in private contact with another girl. So the first thing I felt was absolute dread, I guess most of you know that feeling.. it’s terrible. So I explained him how my brain subconsciously dug out all the old feelings that connect with „events“ like this and that it will probably be pretty hard for me, but I want to take it as a chance to make some progress with that trigger, because of course it’s absolutely no problem when he just wants to chat with someone and I know my fears are „old“ ones. He is very understanding with all of my BPD and mental health stuff and I try to explain things to him as good as I can so he knows whats going on inside of me, but he already offered to cut contact with her and I fear he will just do that when he sees how hard it is for me to cope with that, so I want to find a good way between working it out by myself and just talk to him if it gets too bad. But here‘s the point, I don’t know how.. I‘m able to handle it a LOT better than back then, but I still think quite often about things like „what if he realizes that he likes her more than matey and will cut you off?“ or „you‘re such a loser, he‘ll leave you sooner or later, no matter what“ because I‘m not able to work atm and often feel like a useless piece of shit, he has to care about.. I also have some „sexual issues“, so there‘s been no intimicy between us for quite a while, but all in all I‘m also working really hard on getting better so it’s not like our relationship is bad or something like that. Though I‘m really scared.. I feel the upcoming urge to ask him about her all the time, I‘m getting anxious when he‘s on his phone, I want to have control over that situation. But I don’t want to act it out. So are there some people with similar experiences who were able to cope with things like that? What are your strategies? Would be really grateful for some support! (Sorry for any bad language, I‘m no native speaker)",4.774747690120827,5.26185864605544,5.250710021321961,85.26226261549398,69.14925373134328,8.214953802416487,27.14719260838664,8.131152278815165,1.5038187064676611,1831,54,384,23,30,586,221,469,0.136,0.732,0.132,-0.7511,0,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,4,4,0,11,36,31,4,4,15,0,26,3,2,7,6,98,67,45,0,10,17,0,8,9,1,5,1,1,0,3,35,32,0,1,17,2,2,2,10,15,0,3,6,10,45,16,72,52,15,31,0,2,1,0,55,13,1,15,24,273,80,4,0.21942724156051605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071447248868173,0.11698392386604388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04973934958062739,0.07669619832994681,0.0,0.0826301084940808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068378283452932,0.0,0.0,0.05624200144157946,0.18321258122102785,0.1337608098052678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293770423964206,0.0,0.0,0.09212030977690996,0.0816511235091049,0.0,0.0,0.07457356560999706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203543656239398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15081323402069854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154731567756765,0.0,0.16461110077335092,0.14793200851187982,0.05225295507148955,0.07022818756155544,0.0,0.06685084117555203,0.062214899858972224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464167718995948,0.0,0.041568519360535794,0.1226967730439992,0.0,0.0,0.08057461500828762,0.0724224891488951,0.0,0.0,0.1965637085356008,0.0,0.0,0.07774696563280792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634167706735538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24118294688707545,0.0,0.0,0.07744725534002142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216031995851335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436612932155765,0.0,0.0,0.04882312920736645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371034988499746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05641193865060847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15350131892182164,0.0,0.049563192567684065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982271025980842,0.10141548055449504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914322280901873,0.0,0.0,0.07441213006144992,0.07885989303063028,0.06998741195904719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559192082176787,0.0,0.0,0.18742761293240767,0.0,0.0,0.15705515938883205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322831606462163,0.0,0.05828503406099887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507963673589314,0.0,0.16443027543669675,0.0,0.0,0.06197332990197076,0.05630860359945757,0.0,0.08187694405137808,0.0,0.0,0.05841162618531705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16746112938613264,0.0,0.08300114446413899,0.0,0.0,0.05499399253211915,0.05878910167005319,0.06392969359035355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943702788638768,0.04686670543609802,0.07186205024674994,0.0,0.04264992971369008,0.0,0.0,0.06989071088630912,0.0,0.04965889781238906,0.0,0.0,0.07614383232726672,0.08798131807788181,0.0,0.0,0.12070030304479595,0.2588477444723718,0.05805704361778356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597456452218896,0.0,0.0,0.051958272243156266,0.0,0.0,0.047101316453421437 bpd,dxmxmlxx,2020/03/13,"Guilt (TW self harm urges mentioned) I had a really bad episode last night. I was spiralling badly, intentionally triggering myself and came really close to self-harming. If my partner hadn’t got home, I would have hurt myself. He looked after me. He made sure I ate and drank water, made me put my phone in another room so I couldn’t keep looking at things that hurt me, and held me. I sobbed and screamed and looking back right now, I hate myself for it so much. He puts up with so much from me. I love him with all my heart and would do the same for him, but he’s not fucked up like me. I need taking care of way more than I need to take care of him. I don’t want to be like this. I would give everything for him. I love him so much. But I don’t want him to ever resent me or feel like loving me is a chore. I don’t want him to feel like he gives more than he gets in our relationship. I feel guilty for being traumatised and sick. I’m going to therapy, I don’t make it all his problem, but I still feel bad. How do I deal with this guilt?",0.6308599508599535,2.5087470900900897,2.271580671580676,96.74948402948404,82.60360360360359,5.657985257985259,17.298116298116298,6.782984794422108,-0.3261333333333329,802,16,194,9,22,262,118,222,0.223,0.645,0.132,-0.9567,0,0,0,0,0,2,28.0,1,0,0,0,9,24,3,2,3,0,17,9,1,6,4,45,52,17,0,11,6,0,4,4,1,3,1,1,3,2,6,12,3,2,4,0,0,4,7,14,0,0,10,8,42,10,24,36,8,20,0,3,3,4,26,8,2,2,11,122,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839121399612336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948423711432145,0.2589259250175449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822638503983927,0.21078278935583172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656870795512548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350300991510313,0.0,0.0,0.09290122444149954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20906551225012496,0.14769340223926508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556280254879734,0.05400593873729408,0.19832157022678187,0.05874687892777275,0.0,0.08267348319003141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205530295950267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249254186674205,0.0,0.0,0.10368734826043398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213169058559996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187895107475692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842593795696861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020031239393352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604113080739618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27988317029846643,0.1956201416420902,0.06899948577776797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279639153841602,0.15329333106754572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970046292071772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890999439180663,0.0,0.2078284167354466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324414178571272,0.0,0.0,0.11097942115250316,0.0,0.08827640205233372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21567243305755696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255046810113062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742388353755813,0.0,0.15544096690181464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821124708061928,0.0,0.06867364663951801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829088134383033,0.08204935284648039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22029071824454893,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,on-my-mind,2020/03/13,"My mom triggers me so bad I am calm 99% of the time but even just hearing my moms voice or seeing her fills me with insane rage. She is very critical of me and used to mock me a lot as a kid, i was kind of the scapegoat/rebel (still am in my family) and she always picks my brothers over me so that might be the underlying reason. She also always tries to ‘fix’ me and tries to decide everything for me which is annoying as fuck as i‘m 20, not 12. She comments on everything i do and tries to control everything, from what i eat to what my room should look like to the kind of clothes i should wear. She also uses me as her damn therapist and tells me all the issues in her life without doing anything about it herself. FUCK ok end of rage rant",4.803347763347767,4.538600922077926,5.718398268398273,84.54124819624822,69.0,8.922366522366524,28.150072150072152,8.515128840125781,1.7474712842712845,578,17,126,8,9,191,96,154,0.239,0.718,0.043,-0.9907,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,8,13,7,0,7,1,11,5,1,6,1,23,19,15,0,2,5,3,0,1,0,3,1,2,1,1,5,6,1,1,2,0,0,1,2,8,0,0,1,4,28,5,25,14,2,10,0,0,2,2,16,6,3,3,4,93,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22439287531069954,0.23347871995810066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545348273916285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714315532892546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157356386067909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435601068646091,0.0,0.0,0.12426258220641236,0.0,0.0,0.09266565262064763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782729870651028,0.0,0.13226067772750846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594068914933719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812629305458273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643489342006186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921980176295456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909678349570084,0.06854262466075084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178151716907054,0.0,0.0,0.11927653145607535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883424267679735,0.0,0.3286311645289517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424993912225995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179951867152124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204234152981392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262683015230405,0.0,0.0,0.16289704953185055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180902164995743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857598504981406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24234523613384615,0.0,0.11576072658542495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524247970777148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,boxoqueerios,2020/03/13,"is it just me...? anybody else ever just feel like running away and getting off the grid entirely, for no particular reason? lately (especially with flights being so inexpensive) i’ll have impulses to just cut and run, go live in a cabin in the woods and have goats. finding it interesting that abandonment issues make me want to abandon first but here we are!",5.7940000000000005,7.794595784615389,6.544615384615388,71.29538461538462,68.07692307692308,9.507692307692308,33.0,9.888512548439397,3.6119846153846162,286,13,47,7,5,94,55,65,0.11800000000000001,0.813,0.069,-0.5173,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,1,6,5,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,2,1,17,10,5,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,3,0,1,3,1,3,0,1,0,1,3,2,8,9,0,10,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,34,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892510884886144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571832917370627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784832382838321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556667558556282,0.21994017607610486,0.0,0.0,0.28138477065786155,0.2618714292965538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160847749390906,0.0,0.17496785502122975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213330590235006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472872748352815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040821720379136,0.0,0.271852114568029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055035474981891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31653845008883097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18158787516822808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,masochiste,2020/03/13,"MBT vs DBT I think I've come to the conclusion that DBT doesn't work well for me. I've given it a fair shot, but I'm moving on to other therapies. The first one I'm considering is MBT, although I haven't heard much about it outside of my own research. Just wondering if any of you lovely people have experience in MBT, or if anyone could clarify on some of the key differences between the two.",4.812222222222225,5.021135654320993,6.315654320987657,78.63644444444445,69.0,9.93679012345679,29.78024691358025,9.888512548439397,2.683516543209876,312,11,64,7,5,107,60,81,0.018000000000000002,0.893,0.08900000000000001,0.7538,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,3,3,2,0,0,5,0,5,1,0,0,0,12,13,5,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,2,1,5,2,11,10,3,6,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,5,1,43,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18363011257740394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888117201428464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326075085481178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215597514148561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821245727976429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26414180610033394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296879464934667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24371321870146376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28699986353238977,0.1985036095840102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297976768164595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720526372309815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088035998950123,0.0,0.0,0.1730247473665126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637807236216793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242789998048912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928367384623345,0.19658554084558397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,commecicommecaaa,2020/03/13,"How childhood emotional abuse destroyed my mental health – and how I’m fighting to feel better As a child, I believed that my parents hated me. I was mostly ignored, snapped at, and shouted at. I was given the message that I was a nuisance. A burden. The look of contempt strewed upon the faces of those who I knew were supposed to love me remains a vivid memory. I cried myself to sleep most nights. And when I misbehaved, I was hit with a belt. I remember the waiting and the hiding, the trembling with fear and the crying hysterically under my bed. I don't think my Dad hit me hard enough to leave marks. But that didn’t matter. The damage was done. All this time spent in fear was training my brain and body to be overreactive to threat and danger as an adult. All the time spent believing I was despised was training my mind to be supremely sensitive to the slightest hints of rejection or disapproval as an adult. What my experiences have left me with is what author William Moyers eloquently describes as a “hole in the soul”. A void in the psyche and these walls that separate me from the rest of the world. Disconnection. I can now logically understand that as a human being I have inherent worth. Unfortunately, the emotional brain doesn’t give a shit about this. I’m left with thoughts that jump to negativity relentlessly, a mind driven by the assumption that the world and other people are not safe, that nothing is to be trusted. I’m left with the exhaustion that comes from having an overactive mind. The physical fatigue this produces that makes it hard to sustain socializing. The numerous relationship breakdowns. It’s okay though. It’s far from optimal, but it’s okay. I accept it. It’s okay because I have free will and I use my free will to cope and to change. I’ve learned how to recognize the array of “cognitive distortions” and stories my mind conjures up and how to step back from them and deconstruct them. I’ve learned to distance myself from the thoughts and stories quite simply by focusing my attention externally – by practicing the hugely beneficial process of getting the hell out of one’s head. I’ve learned to remind myself that my emotions do not reflect reality. I’ve learned how to stop myself from spiraling; how to cultivate the balance between expressing and controlling my sadness and shame so that they do not cause an unhealthy amount of stress in my body. I’ve learned to practice relaxation techniques that calm down my exhausted, trigger-happy nervous system. I’ve learned to remind myself that I deserve to take up space. That my emotions matter. That in relationships it’s okay to express my feelings and my needs. I’ve learned to choose to invest in people who respect me and treat me well, for I’ve learned – repeatedly, with the same lesson again and again – that I will not heal by going back to what hurt me. And with this, things are so much better than they were in the past. I’m still learning and growing, and I always will be. I honestly can’t stress the benefits of developing mental wellbeing skills enough. Without these skills, it’s so easy to spiral deeper and deeper into stuckness and negativity. It’s so easy to needlessly suffer and to double that suffering by beating oneself up about it. I hate to think about the amount of distress happening right now due to childhood trauma. Research shows it’s disturbingly common. The Adverse Childhood Experiences Study (ACE Study), one of the largest scale investigations into childhood trauma, found that a whopping two thirds – 11,078 out of 17,337 people surveyed – had experienced some form of abuse or parental dysfunction. I find it astonishing that despite reading about psychology obsessively since I was 14 and studying it at university, I only reached a comprehensive understanding of my mental health in my late twenties. Self-education has been a godsend for me as therapy was always unaffordable. Why is mental health, something that impacts us daily – something with such widespread ripple effects - not considered significant enough to be a school subject? It’s absolutely absurd.",6.893397523349773,8.65983460982265,6.730146657571628,71.91758119949627,65.11186903137789,9.567520201490188,35.924257529646354,9.851270322608157,3.858193430580334,3311,160,528,72,52,1045,350,733,0.175,0.708,0.11699999999999999,-0.9913,4,0,2,0,5,0,74.0,1,0,4,12,25,54,10,10,49,4,42,16,8,12,2,106,77,49,0,1,10,3,4,0,0,4,7,1,1,4,49,40,0,5,28,3,6,6,12,34,1,4,25,8,63,22,101,40,15,59,2,7,2,1,23,31,2,5,21,380,112,14,0.0,0.16372948098240192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498299276855045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625758635177483,0.0,0.04211888041576372,0.0,0.0,0.15568988689837165,0.0,0.12221553200462372,0.0,0.15349505729925253,0.0,0.15426284777579022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097826634353369,0.07309197692066728,0.05951810768493668,0.0,0.0,0.077494463754892,0.0,0.0,0.15179237804926346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070684761400353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108844672095873,0.0,0.21417679721932706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517380034463686,0.0,0.15549925150737876,0.06987170515691166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315039336107699,0.0,0.0,0.07575767971601419,0.0,0.0,0.036098608398499175,0.06628097638869737,0.03926754402628806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610993339163967,0.07355153228448212,0.12378877409523513,0.1364314556014277,0.0709100734372933,0.22033012790888395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396623874390902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794070718138114,0.07316025577920092,0.2252115334114224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05802130933803715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062359765105844074,0.0,0.046120583680724615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785208089033005,0.0,0.27905977697890416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05079182217639271,0.05123210574328477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483976030164561,0.0,0.06629727208078064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936393634497662,0.052548875076531734,0.0,0.0,0.1534407623395507,0.0,0.06595775821076641,0.14370262312259074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348965870076092,0.06911240134693326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836156015967272,0.07826969717697965,0.05900564536090736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992651678957308,0.0,0.0,0.07207980164151814,0.0,0.07092369385192357,0.05715502562038829,0.0,0.0691436022558991,0.07043232965458858,0.0,0.10638341730303108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055178320954500634,0.057765430028767176,0.15829320808278965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05194986629681369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901467165341065,0.0,0.04590278653234421,0.08854491078295322,0.06788421298841292,0.10970536564867016,0.08057818842305911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749450871865532,0.14385796435558695,0.08311121815885499,0.05967477579727898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212353736513825,0.0,0.06234632066942936,0.0,0.0,0.06660386466496893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cantbtamed,2020/03/13,"After 7 years of dating, how does rejection still absolutely demolish me? How have I not gotten used to this yet? Another guy just ghosted next and it’s been all I can think about for a week. I deleted his number to be strong and show him I have integrity.. then I fucking went to Instagram and messaged him this morning. What the fuck is wrong with me?? I have a dating app full of eligible bachelors who are interested in meeting up. But I’m obsessed with the guy who didn’t think I was good enough. The pain is unbearable. Which is pathetic seeing has how this guy and I only dated for a couple months many years ago, recently reconnected, and only talked for about a month. Yet I feel completely shelled and traumatized by him leaving. There are a million fish in the sea. Cuter fish. Funnier fish. But my confidence is shot. I almost don’t want to try because every time I truly like a guy, he leaves. And no matter how interested these guys are in the beginning, no matter how obsessed they are with me, they will inevitably leave once I start to seriously like them back. So I look at bumble and I should see potential. I should be eager to find a new guy who will appreciate me more. But instead I scroll through these messages and only see emotional land mines. Just ticking time bombs that will inevitably lead to failure. They are so eager and interested to meet me. And all I can think is how it’s 100% inevitable that I will chase off the ones I like, and discard the ones who like me. This is just absolutely unbearable and I feel so pathetic.",3.695585284280938,5.814404862876256,4.641488294314385,82.26818561872912,73.94983277591973,8.078260869565218,27.55351170568562,8.841846274778883,2.2534187290969903,1230,48,234,26,26,399,161,299,0.124,0.716,0.16,0.8185,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,4,2,20,19,2,2,14,0,29,3,0,8,2,45,47,26,1,3,7,0,2,4,0,6,1,0,0,6,16,16,0,0,6,1,0,2,5,8,0,3,5,6,36,11,27,34,5,32,0,1,4,2,24,8,2,1,26,168,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852736311813306,0.0,0.10000383564339548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472078687317107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679268040049031,0.0,0.06087888561455525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471017910488313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050255027097272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873955614060718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233857436243083,0.0,0.10319081459033903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414348393479486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099298708684408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127796218686512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18465356203268385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376492511852117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5933128537891049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172388344002579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951627379182455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386435298206729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125094237450154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594281022249434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645357994856864,0.10621123904865164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635664940016948,0.13534690476588526,0.2278633897704748,0.10626708154504444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986080549668059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387466952484193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068740924655319,0.0,0.0797550803020639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027048433313261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19197502790063176,0.0,0.0,0.11646820303892795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780412807158995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625428344664851,0.0,0.0,0.05890500457593127,0.0,0.08010845377626359,0.0,0.0,0.0925790619618348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919048222007743,0.0,0.12862402646204155 bpd,BrittsPack,2020/03/13,"A poem I just wrote. Haven't written since I was a teenager, I'm 32. Therapist thought it would be helpful. Any feedback would be great. I'm finding it helping. What's your release from bpd? Borderline I cant write about love anymore. I try to stick with things I know and the more I think I know, the more I know I dont. Just pick up the pen and release they say, but dont be dramatic. Noone wants to hear the pain anymore. Write about happy things, like the flowers, or a mid day rain. But you see those flowers remind me of the casket of my best friend that I laid a single rose upon, and the mid day rain reminds me of walking around skinless, being touched by all the tears I've shed. If I could do anything for attention, let it be this poem. I'm dancing amongst the borderline and dont know how to stop. It feels like im one wrong move, one small tiptoe away from having everything crumble before my feet, before I take the plunge. As I lay awake writing, insomnia grabs hold and wont release, till I release. I release with how I know, and that's writing, but I know love can only fix this, but I cannot talk about love, for I know nothing about it.",2.420822784810128,4.080546219409285,3.3707405063291134,92.00218670886078,76.25738396624473,5.921434599156117,26.19599156118144,6.508806274219699,0.8756027004219407,902,34,193,7,20,288,133,237,0.105,0.778,0.11699999999999999,0.3944,2,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,2,1,1,9,11,0,0,14,0,20,6,1,3,1,44,42,16,1,5,8,0,3,2,1,3,2,2,0,0,13,9,0,2,12,1,0,3,7,2,0,2,4,6,26,9,23,28,5,15,0,0,1,3,17,7,0,2,7,119,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682510183864945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240765163167263,0.0,0.0,0.09296665430571642,0.10056938210702486,0.0,0.0,0.1061412828903504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922623727933151,0.0,0.11855755755243738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228477532757022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019926387967052,0.0,0.0,0.14571569618164584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3972084128195928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153230313292018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057122236795128664,0.08070750077321223,0.0,0.0,0.1032547213546893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728219128494608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455246309940468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026121401684828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732809850579993,0.0,0.15144602854705672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202957156925325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4346067124184673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155219268738948,0.0,0.11038521040441504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305885988687276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007177599621795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840005882681142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310603570674566,0.08592059628996626,0.12021059225277665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984018200703539,0.0,0.0,0.09002437135103585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093451931656387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444997986711567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494118062290693,0.09080293089645954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311696566613121,0.1501076772618271,0.07238814838408268,0.0,0.08968746161563543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670083975359764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663404493444873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050469457668382,0.1235175780232377,0.0,0.0 bpd,DangerousThanks,2020/03/13,"My mind won’t stop and I can’t focus I can’t stop thinking about and replaying traumatizing moments in my head. My mind is racing from one moment to the next and I can’t focus on anything. I tried meditating this morning and it helped get my breathing under control but my mind kept wondering. It doesn’t matter what I try to occupy my mind with or do tv, music, my cats. I feel like I’m on the verge of a breakdown and I have to go into work in a few minutes. I’m at a lose of what to do, any suggestions or just general support would be much appreciated, thank you.",2.1726050420168046,3.749958571428575,4.5199075630252095,83.85229831932776,76.73109243697479,7.449075630252103,25.345378151260505,8.238735603445708,1.5763606722689074,446,16,94,8,10,156,76,119,0.076,0.7909999999999999,0.133,0.8294,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,3,2,4,0,0,5,0,11,2,2,1,0,25,21,8,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,4,3,1,0,1,5,1,0,1,1,1,15,3,16,17,2,14,0,1,0,0,3,8,0,3,6,64,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562315338089145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991647876593466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906980277043347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859699888233675,0.12146623326953965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888312931132498,0.0,0.0966293956467768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744951896387274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396449186881437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306585873701218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902150156252458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6867090434976931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249882874624826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18082402149521232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521366211294372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842978205725892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19294289406841136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653661368139188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894545901351267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23087227343737415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843853747708092,0.12378057074965497,0.0,0.0,0.12078121912789185,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,stitchitch,2020/03/13,"So Conflicted, and Tired I am doing my capstone project on BoJack Horseman. Talking about BPD is not something I am super comfortable with, but when I started looking into some of his behaviors--yes, there are themes of depression, but--there is definitely some instances where it's like ""Woah, that's it. That's BPD"", or at least traits. I'm not pretending to be an expert. I have two conflicting diagnoses: my psychiatrist says I have BPD, (8/9), my therapist (who would be a better authority) says I have Borderline traits, not enough or severe enough for a diagnosis. I don't act dysfunctionally for the most part. I just get exceptionally close to people really fast, then try to avoid rejection. I'm afraid most of my friends would leave me if they see me in my worst, depressed state. I self-harm, I simultaneously trust too much too quickly, and then not at all, especially during big disappointments from those I love. I used to (not since mood stabilizers) go back and forth between anxiety and depression for days. It's taken a long time for me to say to myself ""I don't have BPD. I just have traits, at best. I shouldn't lump my experiences to a serious personality disorder, especially one so stigmatized"" What do I do? My professor says that he is worried about my project and that I need a clear thesis ASAP. He was trying to get more time during class for brainstorming with my classmates, but I was not within my own headspace to really contribute. I was getting so emotionally low, SO FAST. I just sat there without adding anything. He wanted students who could stay an extra five minutes after class help me figure it out, but I basically said I had to go (I didn't) because it was too much. I was becoming overwhelmed, close to tears, and I knew there was nothing to gain by me just sitting there another five minutes, not caring what people say. Not brave enough to say something like this post. So, as my professor had said, I need to ""face my demons""(?), especially when it comes to the personal section of my capstone. I am open about my anxiety and depression, and my sexual orientation, but this seems like too much. I'm not experiencing BPD, but some of the character's attitudes spoke to my experience with the few traits I have. Please someone read this. I don't know where else to turn, except *maybe* one friend. Maybe. Please.",5.714611790878752,7.2185921586206945,6.294074898034854,74.93018909899891,67.64367816091955,10.026696329254726,31.273637374860957,10.237710317436264,3.3017452725250287,1859,75,338,48,31,605,219,435,0.157,0.7170000000000001,0.126,-0.9181,0,1,2,0,0,0,82.0,0,0,1,4,26,26,0,3,11,0,34,5,1,1,2,63,61,26,0,8,24,0,0,3,2,3,3,9,0,2,18,17,0,3,4,2,0,4,15,12,0,5,15,12,53,13,49,40,21,38,1,8,2,1,23,16,0,9,17,241,71,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030918637926436,0.1171792069481988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630253908621123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588914375740453,0.0,0.04668732844132022,0.0845854188317012,0.0,0.0,0.08037437143675166,0.06773585417046142,0.0,0.0,0.4822994677886639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808656113273231,0.0,0.0,0.06597377267066462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611492787811499,0.0,0.0,0.049392918219862914,0.0,0.2638604976446548,0.07773519868672152,0.0,0.0,0.08777647294285858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397943891284208,0.08615118139801382,0.0,0.2374076038485186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983550253604416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834338370284082,0.0,0.12004219271302573,0.0,0.08705344049711111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051335315952668194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04209075689716304,0.0,0.0,0.08109562402176722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225107136140612,0.0,0.0,0.0677779619395007,0.06431462325020736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912365206009789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15388586214312974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890295710672776,0.11357804974711427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348824294105706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037960096104354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293733079310893,0.0,0.10619293924524892,0.13374735918571984,0.0,0.1681412303221963,0.0,0.0,0.0733501244889184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660871678452727,0.0,0.09812845634704738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570543580318934,0.3654350666958584,0.0,0.0,0.061030712935596115,0.06972283055030698,0.07989797781907043,0.08652262990979168,0.0,0.06335437758246869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489275622541094,0.11792235442416332,0.0,0.0,0.05420937421644942,0.0816326080351208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155852605338773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892456055418074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931814689703768,0.08802662909033478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399643702409732,0.08330574139803319,0.07481533852343435,0.0,0.0,0.06614743387782407,0.0,0.0,0.04517358141024285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382809026212485,0.0,0.0,0.07777882251631216,0.0,0.10881182275995316,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,v1rgosun,2020/03/13,Ahhh I hate my self image so much I feel like my body wants to jump out of its own skin... I've been analysing and cririzing my face infront of the camera for the past half hour...,5.174736842105265,3.995113842105262,5.793684210526315,87.36578947368423,68.47368421052633,8.65263157894737,26.894736842105264,7.1686216300943375,0.995221052631579,138,3,33,1,2,45,32,38,0.094,0.836,0.07,-0.235,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,4,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,2,5,1,5,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4177206799074448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19014850834926386,0.2686591377656292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37128387973746346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703458278812852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372515048298266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27644922079668965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589942254786385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923152221193423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22181141636673032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,im-so-manic,2020/03/13,"What am I experiencing when these things happen? *throwaway account here* I go through serious manic episodes with people. I’ll go from being light hearted and fun to then feeling seriously depressed and upset. It happens within minutes. I am not even sure how or why people put up with me. For example, I was hanging out with my FP today. I get extremely jealous and angry when he compliments someone else. After he compliments someone else, I start viciously insulting myself and telling him that he should stop hanging out with me and go be with who he really wants to be with. Then after I’ve been totally toxic, I’ll switch it up and feel like having fun again. It’s so twisted and weird. I get great pleasure out of being mean to myself... I’ve resorted to hitting myself, cutting, biting, and pinching myself out of sheer hatred for myself... but the feeling doesn’t last.. shortly after, I’ll get a burst of self esteem and feel on top of the world. I feel sick. Mentally. I hope someone cares to read this and that it will even make sense to anyone.",3.884511446119486,6.2242432160804055,4.850309882747073,79.97944025683977,74.12562814070354,7.035287548855388,28.64349525404802,7.984000788550335,2.1853481853713013,836,35,142,13,18,272,121,199,0.13,0.7390000000000001,0.131,0.4954,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,1,8,19,4,1,3,0,12,2,1,2,2,37,32,18,0,3,3,0,5,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,11,20,0,1,6,1,1,6,2,9,0,0,2,7,18,10,31,23,1,29,0,1,0,0,9,11,0,2,13,99,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242364885566414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934820318653524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616476716188604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447338979692961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19350001298349268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703286057918949,0.10464679926833964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22959246159896646,0.0,0.2497473585246598,0.0,0.0,0.16149696718978102,0.0,0.0,0.2590671699596775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358192371832018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548971826617885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940241400925095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156372607698394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777789973457747,0.0,0.0,0.15956188519272968,0.0,0.0,0.14761944425652412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031044066650126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472549096887765,0.0,0.0,0.14652168099382878,0.0,0.0938401462704232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281271517684886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3723412736391246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368074246900727,0.0,0.0,0.12246554520163452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805758997928375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803176018051526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731615909650926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884784705235853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639890292585065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321772580641265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Gloomy_Mud,2020/03/13,"Husband making me feel like a burden Does anyone else's significant other ask them what's wrong and you hesitate to tell them because you know they'll blow up on you, but if you don't tell them what's wrong they get angry? Kind of in that situation right now... My husband made dinner and I was watching the show Crazy Ex Girlfriend with him which is a really good representation of BPD. The episode where she gets diagnosed was on and I really wanted him to watch it with me uninterrupted but he kept scrolling on the computer so I tried to get him to stop and he kept getting annoyed at me because of it and said he had just finished making dinner and wanted to relax. It was only an episode... He finally relented and watched it with me but it didn't feel like it was because he wanted to. Then he told me he was tired after making dinner and I offered to go down on him as thanks and he turned it down saying he wasn't feeling well. Bam, then I felt rejected. So I went to get into bed and he immediately got onto WoW and started scrolling on the computer again and I felt neglected and expressed to him that I was really looking forward to spending time with him on one of our days since he raids twice a week, and he snapped at me that it was because I got home late and he cooked dinner so we didn't have time...when he's doing things on the computer so obviously he -does- have time, I'm just not the priority. I get that he wants to unwind after a stressful day and whatnot, but all I feel is like I'm an annoyance, neglected, rejected and can't stop crying which he is ignoring because he obviously can't handle when I tell him what's wrong without getting defensive and angry at me. So what the hell do I even do...it's my fault, it's always my fault for feeling too much. He used to seem to want to spend all his time with me and now it's just like he wants to escape in his computer all the time and I feel like I'm just a burden to him. I miss feeling like he looked forward to spending time with me in the evenings... I'm crying as I'm writing this. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow but I can't help but wonder if this is all because of me or if he's kind of a callous asshole sometimes. He also hasn't been kissing me as passionately lately which he blames on a stuffy nose but it's just another thing that makes me feel unwanted. A big part of me really wants to leave him right now because of how unwanted he's making me feel.",3.505011014991137,4.665482335984095,4.983860082746761,83.54423996561175,72.55864811133199,8.141615173821933,27.709902745688034,8.605353355243054,1.9298253613454404,1937,71,401,34,37,651,200,503,0.19899999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.091,-0.9957,0,2,0,0,0,0,39.0,2,4,5,0,22,33,4,1,20,0,27,10,1,8,6,92,82,44,0,12,18,3,11,6,1,1,2,2,2,0,28,28,5,8,14,4,3,4,10,18,1,2,22,19,57,15,58,59,6,52,1,5,5,2,63,25,1,6,33,253,85,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05508583147813726,0.057316300277069784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222999052510952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04816470123836249,0.0705789290874173,0.0,0.0,0.06439644823960021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29393370921772344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675591811906404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132981514152602,0.08884786849115348,0.0,0.0,0.06991494893365192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056022038761903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057543034300613936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099334400888988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31346452057784874,0.2460506864685741,0.1322772557863829,0.07545812563761241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519202257854349,0.0,0.03914788248874623,0.05777591945498795,0.11018429792118288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04617092454845378,0.0,0.06909541748183333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346240481209646,0.037856378690218566,0.0,0.15540639077319535,0.0729373116427499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20191697080774296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568899742179205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517890360483512,0.2299001930241255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050637042250963465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04667700625990703,0.05238874081441586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459374060986478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17651324317291087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765167025546686,0.06552365129077356,0.054778646949825226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270863418101809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569808548538285,0.0774275485320655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812719830764068,0.0,0.04875584926903507,0.0,0.0,0.11517879830549912,0.07890541746949034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806207320383462,0.06341835128500882,0.07877388712428195,0.0,0.09152581031659104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409979179826103,0.07917104968696176,0.0,0.06582080331275239,0.0,0.04676713835339759,0.07492508868724862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594929264965031,0.0,0.0,0.2844034727592138,0.0,0.055253909276374,0.0,0.06193422585653782,0.06385537167922127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664009000780647,0.07470083959292408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259387385736565,0.0,0.0 bpd,lexi-tomato,2020/03/13,"i don't have the desire to do anything anymore i used to be passionate with space science, so i ended up taking it as my undergraduate course, but then my interests keep on changing thoughout the years, from music production to cooking to piano to traditional and digital arts to gaming to vlogging to film production to cleaning to history to politics to math to programming to philosophy to mysteries and conspiracies etc. My interest and values (like how i view life, what is right/wrong) KEEP ON CHANGING really fast to the point that i just don't want to do or think about anything anymore. i am not interested with anything anymore even the simple things (and complex things) don't make me feel anything anymore. I've tried volunteering, meditation, spending time with family, going to the gym, eating healthy, going to the therapist, hanging out with friends, drinking, painting, decluttering, cleaning, doing house hold chores, doing work-related stuffs, reading books, watching youtube videos, DIYs, walking the dogs. Just nothing. I don't enjoy anything anymore. I usually experience this when i am on my neutral state. I have like 3 states, 1st is my extreme depressive state where I am extremely sad, anxious, hopeless and desperate to die and to basically stop existing, 2nd is my intense ""high"" state where everything seems to be perfect, i am full of hope and there are times the i just have tears of joy for no reason (this state doesn't last log around 5mins- few hours) then lastly is my idk state which i just feel empty and nothing i just don't want to do anything. I don't know what to do anymore my mood and interests shifts so quickly it physically hurts my brain and i get headaches. i hate this so much i just want to shoot my brain and replace it with a new one. I am having a hard time maintaining my job and earn money because of this and also I can't keep a relationship, its been worse for the past few years because of the extreme mood and perspective change that before i even start a relationship with someone i tend to push them away (ex. I extremely like them for a few days then after that I don't give a damn about them to the point that i want to see them get hurt so i cheat and then they will leave me and i will be desperate to get them back and they won't). I am so disappointed with everything, even with my relationship with my family, I would have love/hate relationship with them especially my mom, there are times that i don't want to talk to her and then suddenly be extremely clingy to her. My mind is sometimes like a freaking 8 year old child. I can't take it anymore the contrast is making me crazy I just want to die. Used to talk to a therapist and she told me i have signs of ""dissociative identity disorder"" but idk i never believed it just because i had names for my ""states"" but i am very unlike the man from the movie ""Split"". i don't go to that therapist anymore because she said she ""had to refer me to a different counselor"". I am undiagnosed and probably will remain so because we do not have proper healthcare and insurance in our country (3rd world), so that means seeking professional help is very EXPENSIVE. To get free health care you have to prove that you are extremely poor, i am from the middle class so we cannot be considered for free health care yet the paid ones are extremely expensive. but i read online about DBT and i want to try it out. but i would just like to ask if is anyone feeling this too? like the third ""idk state"" where you just feel nothing and you don't want to do anything. Also, how do you cope with the extreme inconsistency of your life? with the varying mood and interest i just don't know who i am anymore and i don't think i can take it any much longer. thanks and sorry for the long post and bad sentence construction i just didn't mind about the grammar :( have a nice day!",5.267839596127821,6.5755470338295,5.7124458728010845,79.41949008535444,68.5128552097429,9.14875611533257,31.532242115124394,9.466822959209583,2.8658512334755915,3074,128,578,64,52,987,316,739,0.152,0.73,0.11900000000000001,-0.9621,2,0,1,1,0,3,85.0,3,6,8,2,43,37,3,0,31,0,72,10,2,7,3,108,120,53,2,13,21,2,5,6,1,6,4,1,3,2,28,44,3,5,14,10,8,6,22,11,0,3,7,9,91,25,85,102,7,67,0,6,3,1,41,19,1,4,39,397,119,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388759345562281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03566741650027607,0.0,0.0,0.05925293595453977,0.4681417414171876,0.03667386665479369,0.0,0.3021299302285733,0.04669111986757018,0.04903314450335235,0.0,0.049277973658593814,0.04033038041589605,0.04379309002897388,0.1598634533477723,0.0,0.04463060876998812,0.05909255593978845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117101838060585,0.0,0.0,0.1069513955027025,0.0,0.16645365300137932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765109712778503,0.0,0.045174624211527764,0.0,0.10886847217339517,0.054798499558150436,0.06011160010994996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05138048166352998,0.0,0.053668869229600985,0.0,0.0,0.04645463437038274,0.0,0.05849498790434676,0.10392707767897033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427634607448797,0.051305614755012025,0.09888932478812387,0.0,0.1060800474031661,0.037469889084173306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04052230579733217,0.0,0.10961066662110296,0.05031428030453355,0.08942467317120788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04698439445020257,0.051782961518475175,0.0,0.1115026001843039,0.0,0.0,0.03515575279578133,0.05541571106454523,0.0,0.052094126570870335,0.05165213142909677,0.06051960961245535,0.11229641661910428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05204797426880109,0.1398584115638743,0.0,0.0,0.0576496790563566,0.08550658482801315,0.0,0.055536381884890164,0.0,0.0,0.07409317853908569,0.15374487689845776,0.0,0.0,0.046416102262698065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04733766568042514,0.0,0.07002081446453717,0.0,0.0,0.05713281420965565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591796172628128,0.061428148038749464,0.0,0.0,0.07711274387915729,0.0,0.040452240095695584,0.050655994184778834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509799513816673,0.0,0.05503686237846119,0.0,0.07108219336601453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050068923478337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916334439005957,0.0,0.05023206337036625,0.0,0.05654936531349854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492726339746554,0.0,0.033600453114471504,0.05392675784528125,0.0,0.2252442716147017,0.0,0.04479153358918917,0.04989142646771098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04179541154265737,0.0477479986157822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04444023872767986,0.0,0.051873835445056,0.058712851894382724,0.037123982268359716,0.0,0.0,0.04385007881197918,0.0,0.0,0.06004205824746205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830635019522652,0.08431374324844615,0.0,0.04828839583127768,0.0,0.1826935206475794,0.06969015226339892,0.06721496428397711,0.0,0.0,0.12233475665698455,0.0,0.0,0.05011768581013527,0.0,0.07121945124545746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905989489040325,0.05776564610587735,0.08655255882326669,0.2474883002450569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03818381563272146,0.0,0.05345045834133078,0.07451715200768061,0.05734522695085846,0.0,0.10132715561140827 bpd,candassconti,2020/03/13,"Newly diagnosed, husband is deployed, marriage on the rocks. Can you fix a rocky relationship? Is a healthy marriage possible? What treatments have worked for you to manage symptoms?",6.232241379310343,10.12570731034483,5.1409482758620735,71.11762931034484,79.34482758620689,7.037931034482759,41.73275862068965,8.07648339933343,4.781682758620692,148,10,18,3,4,44,25,29,0.0,0.889,0.111,0.5007,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,13,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.451030926616878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.500965661441227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4770920830381466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4618754205059645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32351004548025264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,greysrays,2020/03/13,Went long distance with my bpd girlfriend. She sent me a pic of her legs and on her bedsheets it looked like cum stains... I asked her what it was and she suddenly went silent and avoided the question. Should I be worried..?,1.9290697674418595,4.5517000465116295,1.7593488372093056,97.7664651162791,83.41860465116278,4.370232558139535,24.879069767441862,5.6839178017228535,0.386640930232558,174,7,36,1,5,51,35,43,0.055999999999999994,0.8859999999999999,0.057999999999999996,0.0258,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,7,8,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,1,9,1,3,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,9,1,0,1,3,23,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29695627314104184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.400064208847531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518586499237896,0.0,0.0,0.2811068488728462,0.2667427665418419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35583638709637083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5889223307268321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225850863753776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,JayLenoBlows,2020/03/13,"(DAE) feel entirely removed from other people Everyone around me feels like they're on another planet, like I'm seeing the world through ten feet of glass Why is BPD so fucking lonely..",7.710882352941176,8.226350088235293,7.351764705882353,72.63294117647061,62.82352941176471,10.329411764705883,34.64705882352941,10.125756701596842,3.6553411764705865,149,6,24,3,2,47,33,34,0.0,0.857,0.14300000000000002,0.6124,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,6,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,3,1,2,5,6,0,4,0,1,1,1,0,3,1,0,2,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373147018039375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863677926632344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4051509135929591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073837401960954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253071366312981,0.22981178131526644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29739253816687594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31431801989734004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230158295094093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563412439211028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902706182842102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jnichols96,2020/03/13,Validation I need help. I am trying to understand my disorder and I am being told I’m overly dramatic and constantly feel like my disorder gets thrown in my face. I feel like that’s all people see in me is my disorder. I don’t know how to talk about my feelings but when I do I end up blowing up because I’m not feeling validated at all... like why do I feel so crazy..,0.2941025641025625,2.4954981538461567,3.523333333333333,85.23833333333336,86.69230769230771,7.56923076923077,24.051282051282055,8.515128840125781,1.954835897435898,288,12,62,8,9,104,50,78,0.122,0.763,0.115,0.127,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,7,1,1,1,2,15,20,6,0,1,2,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,14,3,9,18,2,9,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,6,40,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890000293219884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19305119352246145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6142260746105609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822596450933607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516400258835941,0.2552472716987319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333435555835813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974161393272548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817832166774344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26182997418161785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246260134631524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238495731204812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235650313540751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358764768777582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707024344021155,0.0,0.12128785984291993,0.0,0.0,0.18597518007957609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16119883616781924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,waxin899,2020/03/13,"I’m emotional and verbally abusive to my boyfriend and I think he’s going to leave me. To start off i always thought I was a really good hearted person, but I’ve learned since being in a relationship that I am not. I hope he breaks up with me because he deserves so much better. He’s handsome, caring, supportive and so much ahead of me in life. He’s 28 and I’m going to be 21 here soon. It seems like everyday we fight and it’s always me starting it. Like today after work he ignored my text and my first thought was “he’s cheating.” I called him three times and no answer. I sat and stirred about it. I was so fucking mad at him, but I deserve to be cheated on. I’m fat and ugly but how fucking dare he? 4 hours later he calls back. He was playing video games. What a fucking child I thought that he can’t even text me to let me know. We fight for the next hour till he has to go to bed, he tells me he loves me but I know he doesn’t. This is almost everyday. Not always the same things but usually something he does that causes me anxiety or panic and it throws me into a rage. He should know better! I think to myself. After we fight I usually go cry for an hour and call him back sobbing about how sorry I am. I know he’s getting tired of it.. who wouldn’t ? The constant battle. He knows I’m mentally unstable. He was understanding at first but I know he’s tired. Tired of me calling him an asshole or tell him just to break up with me but really I just need reassurance that he won’t... He deserves so much better. I’m selfish I don’t want him to leave me. I love him so much. He’s so good to me but I don’t deserve him. It breaks my heart. Why can’t I be good to him. Why can’t I fucking be nice. Why can’t I be the girl for him. I want to break out of this fucked mind of mine. I can hear myself being mean and it makes me cringe I try to stop myself but the words have already been said. I know I don’t mean it and never have I just say it because I want to hurt him the way I think he hurts me but in reality it’s me that’s hurting myself and blaming him. Why am I so fucking crazy. I’m so sorry babe. But saying sorry doesn’t fix the emotional damage. I’m tired of myself. I’m tired of the constant war in my head. My medications make me feel numb. I almost would rather be like this than on my meds. The smile is forced but I guess being on my meds and numb is better than abusive me. Why can’t I be fucking normal. Where do we go from here.... I know I’m a crazy fucking bitch. I don’t know why I’m this way. I was in therapy for a few weeks but I was kicked off my insurance and can’t afford it now. It was helping. I wish I could afford it. I wish I wasn’t like this. God I’m so sorry B.",-0.9707023470839252,1.0796292804054095,1.6397866287339973,97.18003556187769,92.3445945945946,4.467140825035561,17.586770981507822,6.05967700443912,-0.39342770270270266,2082,58,497,20,76,712,218,592,0.23800000000000002,0.623,0.14,-0.9972,2,0,1,0,3,1,65.0,4,0,0,8,25,48,18,1,17,0,49,23,4,5,1,93,113,43,1,13,21,0,1,4,0,4,10,4,1,4,27,24,1,2,22,3,0,6,19,28,0,3,15,5,93,20,54,82,6,57,0,5,0,10,65,17,10,7,32,307,120,2,0.0,0.12437767179557753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511684457335893,0.0,0.05792101109738638,0.0,0.1310208477804053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04015262029412528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071894640936281,0.0,0.06399150908335319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856829110650735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21438149725161668,0.0,0.05351427306762118,0.05391888780765138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344019165487206,0.0,0.041906816680275634,0.0,0.05765480494044546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04593196643718042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180822353950205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034667348894896005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02653914236965606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929129545286005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38818910605232615,0.02742243388744505,0.0,0.14914863449805332,0.1320715034238412,0.0,0.0,0.05782064883986069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05386708482836956,0.0,0.05915697149645215,0.12439534279315187,0.035181112806773815,0.0,0.0,0.052131705274707375,0.1550681738837993,0.0,0.16856613441714982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596106939515502,0.0,0.0,0.1111528873992338,0.0,0.053671792915237264,0.03707331325740813,0.10257052170187562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474362651180254,0.0,0.07007132479309815,0.0,0.0,0.11434805525879925,0.11660305611707025,0.052875405755269264,0.0528948261946437,0.0,0.05299718343967602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543367401069015,0.03891864797531173,0.04048142078937768,0.0,0.055820810447875686,0.0,0.0514263835816156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061582506024246274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04582986238420473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724938238391459,0.0,0.0,0.05635168854716813,0.0,0.0,0.049927416228220486,0.08347997258412175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04778244218969169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04341801473642095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040407267165375495,0.0,0.23502082037071906,0.07430152416912893,0.0,0.0,0.04388171057612182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059561935565859064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175238040287306,0.0,0.06002377115578554,0.0,0.034870212032468435,0.10089517586983518,0.0,0.12500709598228107,0.03060575106398418,0.3016319964683244,0.04975179776840536,0.0,0.0,0.035635413112297724,0.0,0.0,0.05464110241002426,0.0,0.0,0.1156146320525337,0.0,0.09287506080288173,0.0833239086866021,0.042102124535698934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28416960085707194,0.0,0.12071554758823433,0.0,0.0,0.03821135997204498,0.0,0.0,0.03728545291080089,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Gretel-Sama,2020/03/13,"I wish To die so hard I’m so tired of feeling like a complete obstacle to everybody. I don’t even know how do I keep having a bf, he’s in Italy rn he can’t leave from there he’s basically trapped, and I’m here being so needy and feeling he doesn’t love me anymore. He doesn’t treat me like before anymore, and he’s been like these since he left back in January, we argued so many times about a girl he met, and to be honest she is just a whole lot of a better package than I am, just not having bpd is such a plus for her. I wake up in the morning and the first thing I think about is her and I’m honestly so tired, so tired of overthinking, so tired of making up stuff, tired of over feeling and over exaggerate everything. So tired of feeling bad for anything. I’m tired of living, I want to let people surrounding me finally feel peace.",1.8879962546816456,3.408481994382022,3.6222696629213513,90.22853558052437,77.37078651685394,6.993857677902622,23.664419475655432,7.793537801064563,1.007477453183521,657,21,148,10,15,220,98,178,0.222,0.594,0.184,-0.8683,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,2,18,10,1,0,8,0,15,9,1,2,0,25,32,17,1,2,3,0,6,3,1,0,7,0,0,1,3,9,0,1,7,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,6,14,8,25,27,2,13,0,0,0,1,17,9,0,1,7,92,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19474530416715272,0.0,0.0,0.08079748680392099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549782849682099,0.08197996563033047,0.0,0.0,0.08354778734735659,0.0,0.0,0.08683622122175841,0.0,0.0,0.12365995466636175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294459188953377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190002122591314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484994360636813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824190763686973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482251947288301,0.07014303437506939,0.0,0.1075563327305198,0.0,0.08351569501627015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795403657611571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727090480509822,0.0,0.0,0.053959639574563664,0.0,0.0,0.10396322057073357,0.10667775863527088,0.10040031484259956,0.0,0.1439039779521843,0.0,0.08669872215834894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083472960258051,0.08861535468115626,0.0,0.06553892359973539,0.09954368362538384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806877744010567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121924222396774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239777481435176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652294264180267,0.06291267022033255,0.0,0.0,0.0572521780234003,0.7899405641951971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057911768542066935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961950031436747,0.11290734225514144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yunoletmewin,2020/03/13,"I hate not having (not knowing about) friends with BPD The title is pretty much self-explanatory. Despite not being that prevalent compared to some other disorders or just rare things that you make a minority (eg. being autistic, LGBT+, Physical disability etc.) and despite having known a lot of people quite closely over the years, never ever have I known someone with diagnosed BPD that I could have a chat with, no one that would really get some of the things that go on in my brain. And it only occurred to me recently, some really close friends in the past have got to know me very personally even with all the individual components that make up my BPD but I feel like they can never truly understand and fully empathize with how I'm feeling. And it can feel a bit isolating, I am gay and realized fairly early on and had a few years without really knowing anyone else who was queer and it definitely felt isolating and now when I'm 20 it really reminds me of how I felt back then. Also since being diagnosed and understanding BPD, I feel like some of my friends I've had in the past have shown varying amounts of symptoms and I sometimes wonder if they might be dealing with undiagnosed BPD but I don't want to just walk up into their face and be like ""Hey! Remember when we were close friends a year ago? I think you might have BPD as well!"" Just a bunch of thoughts, let me know what you think! :)",6.558283582089549,6.9175438955223845,6.881305970149256,75.56061567164181,65.26865671641791,10.132835820895524,32.79477611940298,9.978442167317967,3.153734328358209,1116,43,206,23,16,362,151,268,0.031,0.8440000000000001,0.125,0.9799,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,3,3,1,14,9,1,0,13,0,26,7,2,4,4,71,51,22,0,4,11,0,6,3,4,3,3,0,0,1,15,22,0,0,20,1,0,2,8,1,1,1,8,6,24,8,28,33,12,30,0,0,0,2,16,12,1,10,19,152,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214213232340813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508286974669973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056905685054952235,0.08338767202744359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257938241680899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885040583804464,0.0,0.6150028746618085,0.0908516189301332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497861589040482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390347785809488,0.0,0.1652063840264248,0.0,0.0,0.09327327865928536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798600848392554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076483236170843,0.05375345889348713,0.07361661666556557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460107206475671,0.11628169602832154,0.1562830800187308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25150874797130623,0.0,0.042519855706219516,0.0,0.046252483960151976,0.0,0.06509033373293104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034999219254366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890638643478265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832208001527835,0.0,0.11928054418080362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918988804653671,0.0,0.0,0.10864909480956972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17267142936816451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059826709277966725,0.0,0.12553693649600872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055148001528943134,0.06189630805466671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538074658546133,0.056421517530777725,0.07106149452709433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279693154949054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656205384320544,0.0,0.0,0.20854706384071747,0.0,0.08035702294754213,0.0,0.0921923691183906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490141036178275,0.0,0.0,0.06732180408276425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895652025483072,0.0,0.08049099840534339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458928599955058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813601667535852,0.10429534536206056,0.0,0.06460991883794394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694475260393788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715044120461246,0.048002476126586036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731741183916507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845140964350285,0.08825763145873439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057812960155740764,0.0,0.0,0.15722615940698045 bpd,Aadddeeee,2020/03/13,"I made a friend. She hasn’t answered all day. We were actually friends in high school, but she was a year younger than me, so once I left the tennis team we were on together, we naturally just drifted apart. I actually saw her on tinder a few days ago and swiped right and she had already swiped on me too! I always thought she was cute so it was kind of exciting. I mustered up the courage to message first and it actually went really well from there. After a good convo I told her to feel free to message me when she’s bored or we can even hang out this summer and she agreed. Usually when people say that they disappear forever and I’m the only one who tries to initiate plans so I was like meh okay well guess we’ll see. Turns out two days later she reached out to me and continued on our conversation! That was yesterday. It continued through the night until we fell asleep so I answered her this morning. She hasn’t answered my snap all day or opened it and now I’m questioning everything. I made sure to not be too boring, too clingy, or take too long/quick to answer back. She seemed really enthusiastic the whole time, so now I’m scared she was just being sympathetically nice back or something. I’m 21 fucking years old. Why do I still act like I’m 13 when it comes to stuff like this. This is why I have no friends.",1.6951918589577415,4.117139146616545,3.069948146227638,89.38966165413534,82.34586466165413,6.676484314233861,22.70624837956961,7.873277556716777,1.1397554057557682,1047,36,222,20,29,340,155,266,0.052000000000000005,0.723,0.225,0.9947,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,7,0,1,3,23,21,1,1,9,1,18,2,1,2,3,39,37,21,0,0,8,0,1,3,3,1,0,1,0,0,13,17,0,0,8,1,1,7,4,4,2,3,15,4,37,18,23,19,4,48,0,0,2,1,32,14,1,7,30,143,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.34120851324934137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331470957308496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861603084505294,0.0,0.09697909319490453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923980097155534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039766704594888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006609176419331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698030007254747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474779392395962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058931277077981827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913753051419022,0.0,0.0,0.2701391587851063,0.10774877089462713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977567681473006,0.0,0.0,0.12839317224909544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314167284659898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136908574857415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663212046345615,0.0,0.0,0.17082160428131182,0.0,0.0,0.1031432489062541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205652122163861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093744562673872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229981662813798,0.12412214660999228,0.07897742384376533,0.08864167005275994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080122543693675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056288450938716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933006995436604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953322387423644,0.0,0.09268538761150932,0.11668707069874434,0.11795501274143005,0.09287541016446067,0.10610291398726393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972602897708636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307713082327228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342208106169842,0.0,0.0,0.10984717303150388,0.0,0.0876312366508433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252783062134227,0.06796135199129884,0.0,0.0,0.11136869944106637,0.0,0.0791299272093388,0.12677313649541513,0.11385259843334113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836356617813868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20958523255201672,0.10804319209612204,0.2103368331951694,0.13012412284000932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501089998615884 bpd,Expert-Blackberry,2020/03/13,"Need help with helping my fiance. We were doing great for the first 3 months of the year, no severe fights and communication was ideal. She had been put on a new medication and it was really helping her with things. I've been on medications for many years for my own mental health issues, but she seems pretty certain it makes her weak to need to rely on medications. Then today, over something that neither of us considered a big deal, I triggered her insecurity. When I asked her to let me chill out in the other room so we can do some breathing exercises and meditation before it escalates into a huge fight, she ended up just going into the other room to self harm and scream... Saying things such as ""why wasn't I miscarried, why am I not dying from cancer instead of X, why was X kidnapped and killed and not me""... Going on to say things like ""The reason cancer has no cure is because I was born."" ""You have never loved me, you just put up with me and have always hated me. I've never been loved."" ""You would be happy if I died, no one could ever be happy dating me."" So many things that are not only the opposite of true, but that we have had long discussions about in order to de-escalate in the past. I have mental health issues of my own so I ended up so frustrated that I had to ask her to leave for a while to calm down, before I said horrible shit that I can't take back. Ended up drinking more than usual. I truly want to help her.",3.825580357142858,5.0099581354166665,5.2870436507936525,81.58375000000002,71.8125,7.707936507936507,22.74206349206349,8.11559375814309,1.143306349206349,1125,26,222,16,21,379,160,288,0.183,0.6509999999999999,0.166,-0.8814,0,0,2,0,2,0,39.0,4,3,0,2,12,20,6,1,11,0,29,14,2,3,5,40,43,18,3,7,8,0,0,1,0,1,9,4,2,1,14,16,1,0,2,2,0,4,11,10,0,2,13,4,37,10,42,25,5,46,0,0,0,2,32,20,1,3,22,171,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769049240810616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280961747413232,0.0,0.0,0.07106904607944056,0.0,0.05634136358363385,0.0,0.15729357167072971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737937651115753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528601759611807,0.0,0.0,0.1918449165542644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054121933077564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455830951724195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836036170374909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861657607434007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050544056813733,0.0,0.0,0.101898782880169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967760577521158,0.0,0.09125045785176596,0.0,0.1964867018053807,0.0,0.0,0.2478018595050036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929351739346381,0.0,0.0,0.1022544623185748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786462816767796,0.0,0.09451072625538494,0.0,0.04515413950185874,0.0,0.0,0.08179313154297764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683416862635314,0.0,0.061694341069725676,0.18740869186158232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793251013733105,0.18628512920010531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377267653825716,0.0,0.0,0.13706379031657576,0.14256756746308558,0.08926454815930687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262950688367258,0.07029330427049398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823002890464696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402935465765302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582511277481134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059209760137577484,0.09502819459423084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791724873503141,0.14699998655094476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414016130848577,0.09641933192984528,0.104413833746918,0.09487283571075204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115320652369762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949202534012497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456119972792816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760800197282258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111757794590907,0.0,0.10179297399558243,0.0,0.054514602989294635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501973000894487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565599995748103,0.0,0.0,0.119037215733072 bpd,ouchoofowmybones,2020/03/13,"Romantic relationship issues (BPD x Bipolar Disorder) I can never vocalize what I need with my girlfriend. I seem to really only be compromising with the intrusive thoughts in my head, rather than the person I'm actually in a relationship with. It seems like I'm not doing much to support her, but it's a constant battle in my head not to completely destroy her self confidence, yet to protect her at all costs. I feel selfish and selfless at the same time. She also has her own issues (including bipolar disorder) and she needs someone who can support her more than me, someone more stable. But I'm currently the only one getting professional help (therapist and dietician), and I feel so lost. We've talked about our issues so much it seems like that's all we do now. But no matter how irritated she makes me I still love her. She's my best friend.",5.801352272727275,7.080939112499998,6.823977272727273,72.04511363636368,67.25,10.31818181818182,33.92045454545455,10.436869588844218,3.855624999999999,678,31,117,18,11,227,97,160,0.096,0.653,0.251,0.9829,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,0,0,2,9,11,2,0,6,0,6,5,2,2,3,29,23,11,0,3,6,0,2,2,2,0,2,0,0,2,6,8,0,1,6,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,2,2,24,7,15,20,9,12,0,1,0,1,22,5,0,3,9,86,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.12080752287251498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900001364574858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299167855988376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591735383073171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979827141216713,0.13378003336909602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837630207761761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519045675104148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564486622244817,0.0,0.06467855998842842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25410184170914024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297818218733584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876341374937213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096143012266483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513849998937766,0.0,0.11173117156589144,0.0,0.08263512281041563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18200933849261552,0.18358706729472254,0.09547949002955998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388771000956033,0.188305628374483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809432582260042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930720574540571,0.0,0.0,0.2658222157163038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380990432407816,0.12914674502019804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20978473975597087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886404214032816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28096559469049004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950293468051352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373727422651753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828059013841364,0.07218673274253415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kahegebarth,2020/03/13,"Any tips on how to be a good partner to someone with BPD? Hi everyone, I am in a longish term lesbian relationship with my girlfriend whom I love. She has BPD and only has had a few major episodes since the beginning of our relationship. We have talked about it as best as we can once she’s feeling better towards me in particular but it really only goes so far when she’s not feeling those deep negative emotions anymore. I just want to have as much information as I can to help her and myself. I know every person and every relationship can be slightly different in cases like these, so I honestly am just looking for any advice or tips for a person without BPD to love and be supportive of their BPD partner? Feel free to ask any questions and I’ll do my best to explain further for productive conversation! Thank you guys so much, truly means the world.",7.290303030303029,6.995634878787879,7.793939393939401,71.83757575757579,63.84848484848485,10.727272727272727,37.12121212121213,10.25414643259724,3.8313030303030313,685,31,123,14,9,227,104,165,0.026000000000000002,0.7040000000000001,0.27,0.9926,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,3,1,1,3,8,11,0,0,6,0,14,3,0,1,0,25,28,16,0,1,6,0,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,5,9,0,0,8,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,19,12,25,24,7,12,0,0,1,3,29,9,0,2,4,90,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929706756382257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281824627335451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092366537803748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456325657207917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347562173520337,0.09892091608255793,0.0,0.0,0.5634771216994873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685788515301322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581451713946987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18847438400872865,0.10687604258800368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169661898999317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381322192152614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074760775001327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496969726913084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614690149237288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05464353133853863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392457698111507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20189529071410825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121835814761599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16444304571700635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911501071469235,0.0,0.17013166089173526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19532360603262167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252959267304905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165301829064613,0.0,0.0,0.3602503184753257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252224165545474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947688778941995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269243614510161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989959401070975,0.0,0.10297507887577548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597114793275798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781797042045647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,NationalInteraction7,2020/03/13,"I hate feeling so much all the time My country is effectively shutting down for a few weeks because of COVID-19. People are stocking up on non perishables and essentials . And all I can think of is how much this is going to suck for everyone who is financially insecure . People living on fixed income, or week to week. People who are going to suffer, and might die, because we are all so ready to panic over this. And while I know it's not a thought only I have, I'm finding it absolutely overwhelming . I'm crying at work because people I dont know are going to potentially suffer. It's too much. Its exhausting . Its irrational. I feel like a child.",3.1458533333333314,5.536764432000002,4.803699999999999,79.17568333333334,76.68,7.686666666666667,27.21666666666667,8.59863814320734,2.341706666666667,514,21,92,11,12,173,78,125,0.231,0.696,0.073,-0.9719,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,2,4,9,2,3,4,0,12,1,0,2,3,20,25,9,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,8,0,0,3,2,8,0,0,1,2,8,1,15,23,7,15,0,3,0,0,4,7,1,2,6,66,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901459164433298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17427631109639086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16466001645488593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859438051080264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151602733195963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044261485658065,0.11334397240986498,0.0,0.0,0.14500883036014744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705038081620519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664008368069188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438652187420578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751137206994195,0.0,0.1400962712810602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16830908384334548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3498915367104705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066513771371093,0.0,0.1861487865419528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4399687410664259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166044313900917,0.0,0.1259552467550509,0.09251366645460356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817931373273205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550355368963693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,butterflyrose123,2020/03/14,"Perspective needed. FP says my love is too overwhelming. Hi. I am absolutely shattered right now and have been an emotional, suicidal mess for the past week because my FP said she needed a break from me. She was ignoring me and being distant and I asked her if she was mad at me and if she loves me still, to which she said she was not mad and she still loves me more than anything. I tried to engage in conversation as much as I could with her but she was just so disinterested. Then one day while I was trying to talk to her she told me she had to go read but instead she went to text other people on her phone. I don’t know why, but this made me incredibly angry and I cut her off on everything and ignored her. I wouldn’t acknowledge her when she tried to talk to me, left all her messages on opened, and made snarky remarks when she tried talk to my friend group. She asked me if she did something to make me upset and I exploded at her. I told her how awful I felt being ignored by her. She told me she was sorry I felt bad, but that the reason she was being distant was due to the fact that my love was too overwhelming and she felt smothered. She couldn’t tell me the truth because she was scared I would become incredibly depressed however I feel worse knowing she lied to me and now I know that everyone probably thinks I’m annoying and overwhelming and it makes me so upset. How can love be too overwhelming? I don’t understand. I never have felt true love from someone.",2.5928282828282825,4.632897710437714,3.7181818181818183,87.99727272727274,76.94612794612794,7.228282828282829,23.45791245791245,8.167268648758528,1.2727185185185186,1168,37,243,21,27,378,142,297,0.19899999999999998,0.7,0.10099999999999999,-0.9846,1,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,15,28,5,7,6,1,28,6,0,7,5,56,60,30,1,9,9,0,5,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,7,15,0,3,12,1,0,2,6,18,0,1,25,8,68,10,27,27,3,26,0,5,0,6,57,10,0,3,13,179,75,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670496503063437,0.0,0.17427998226712538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778275494155834,0.11364149738634995,0.10294456733766227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442164540983881,0.0,0.0,0.06011358300188083,0.0,0.08028276369233099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048501765096553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906740004878297,0.08377231405660616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0471304384197092,0.0,0.3579898957628901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201482596429486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05297413485095462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536794929034234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127435975233592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5047610724693105,0.17639758829829313,0.1244385448538273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852103700441894,0.13823000880962835,0.07189030764752727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631623951758306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898074133652636,0.0646209851290568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049755613144404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323653311179156,0.0,0.0,0.09583674977602777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960194842396381,0.1773305997024071,0.07412537399199218,0.0933207809609505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897763947075986,0.07175861941280763,0.0,0.10434242888813497,0.0,0.0,0.1488773432398076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195804302817972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247591577143731,0.08147079235280097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05972604297637951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672022001463489,0.0,0.2531374405180994,0.0,0.0,0.09703625974233193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747684895061815,0.0,0.0,0.08640781710901757,0.08410870810744249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499028694009183,0.06621463941399558,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_holyman,2020/03/14,I dont know if im suicidal or if im horny or if im exuberant Emotions are too difficult. I dont even know what to make of them,-3.658437499999998,-2.233027468749997,1.6559999999999988,94.589,104.9375,6.3100000000000005,18.9,7.554174236665415,0.7691425000000001,99,4,28,3,5,40,20,32,0.213,0.6709999999999999,0.11599999999999999,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,8,6,5,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5171079481484833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481572257667202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457112172320401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7148918980304663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424836268643957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725928509299982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413121841539964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Luminous-Llama,2020/03/14,"I keep seeing comments regarding BPD throughout various subreddits And none of them are particularly nice. These subs are not at all related to mental health, but for whatever reason, BPD is brought up and those who have it are horribly shit on. I don’t see nearly as many people demonizing other mental illnesses like they do with BPD, which makes me want to withdraw from those outside of my family even more than I already do. I was bullied on a daily basis from 1st grade to 12th by several classmates, and I still struggle with the anger and pain that followed those experiences. I know these comments I’m seeing aren’t directed at me personally, but I sometimes struggle to remain mindful whenever I come across them. These people don’t really understand the disorder, which is something I try to remember but is usually overshadowed by feelings of anger, disgust, and hate for them/myself. Someday, I hope that society will gain a greater level of understanding for BPD, because we are absolutely not monsters who are incapable of love and living a worthwhile life.",10.692397660818713,9.721221526315787,10.157017543859652,59.843011695906455,57.42105263157895,13.707602339181287,44.7953216374269,12.650343791298138,6.0353040935672535,870,45,130,25,9,282,123,190,0.244,0.64,0.11599999999999999,-0.9885,3,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,3,1,2,12,5,2,5,0,16,6,1,2,1,27,33,10,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,14,10,0,1,6,0,0,3,6,8,0,0,2,4,17,4,28,30,5,13,1,0,3,1,10,8,1,1,3,98,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988690351305365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174994711322681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5929653713224207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138971018506146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348965019352389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777409529918912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513498139176155,0.11095881633707792,0.0,0.059513585121829075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162061957411302,0.0,0.1251115483037725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690448154646267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461880042940744,0.0,0.0,0.0646858512181284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313628803678583,0.05750317200598842,0.0,0.10393287810210808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062305029044165,0.0,0.07856688989018418,0.11933118826337327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23723153502040456,0.0,0.11884530192884392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524305272287958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631992668893277,0.10277270373448877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540281044408523,0.12101709122251475,0.0,0.0,0.1333332362489564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813793745501186,0.0,0.0,0.13296957284517735,0.12081924383359545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061262419454097,0.11641012601066968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399683873839003,0.0,0.0,0.2460950308142922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991182088970268,0.0,0.0,0.2450635257262612,0.0,0.0,0.129631944208086,0.0,0.06942359276722658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,saermm,2020/03/14,Has anyone tried to hang themself? Is it possible to hang yourself from within a cupboard you can stand it if you kneel of sit with the rope pulling?,2.7305747126436763,5.266107344827585,2.8282758620689665,92.00264367816094,79.0,5.2459770114942526,26.90804597701149,6.42735559955562,1.0512666666666672,119,5,23,1,3,36,25,29,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4692052372341548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7564943023891695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4555906230430609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,goodboi698,2020/03/14,"How many times has a therapist turned you away? Non bpd here (I hope), just someone with a strong distaste of americas stigmatization of mental illness. I've been hearing alot about how some therapists wont even consider treating a bpd patient which honestly grinds my ficking gears. Have any of you guys had any experience with this? If so, you didnt deserve that rejection. You deserve proper mental health treatment just like everybody else.",7.068614718614718,9.460267831168837,6.425389610389612,71.85332251082255,65.49350649350649,9.808658008658007,37.50865800865801,10.125756701596842,4.397096969696968,361,19,55,9,6,111,61,77,0.033,0.818,0.149,0.8523,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,4,0,1,8,6,0,0,4,0,6,2,0,2,0,10,9,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,6,5,7,5,2,2,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,4,2,35,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547735535180851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599711012253105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4718561635995183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15648520582595682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372576749807672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832388643352279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18548025929831854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991167041439735,0.21112781722798504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186055047521858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151706811153874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899171837510578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37755716408837897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871905860851165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4349953171755813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923015924081902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20375477357521055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,janedoeconverge,2020/03/14,"How should I deal with neediness? For context, I'm a 22M. I'm a very needy person and I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't get any affection in the next few days.. How should I deal with this? It's not like I can just hug a person out of nowhere. I'm alone... I feel so alone.. It's so messed up that such a simple thing as this, makes me feel like the worthless piece of shit and even makes me consider taking my life.. This seems so ridiculous but I really dig affection. However as a male it's kinda hard to get any. I don't have affectionate nor supportive parents. I've been really neglected (and still am) through all my life. I've been a severe bullying victim. I also have extreme trust issues due to the fact that I've been cheated and abandoned by people too many times for me to count.. I don't have any friends, I don't have anyone to talk to, noone seems to care about me with the exception of my therapist (but I can't be with her everyday). I really want so much to be complimented, hugged, touched, kissed.. and don’t take it the wrong way, I'm not talking about sex! I just want to cuddle with someone or whatever.. you know what I mean! I can't even say this without feeling embarrassed.. I've been raised my whole life believing that I don't deserve anything.. and that, is causing all this awkwardness I'm feeling. How can I obtain anyone's sympathy and.. how should I even bring up this issue? I feel like such a creep when I write these things but it got to a really desperation point. Even someone punch me at this point would feel good, I feel so at without of touch with reality that sometimes I don't believe I'm really here in this world with anyone. I feel so jealous of other people it makes me so sad and angry the fact I don't know what I should do to in order to solve this! I'm so detached from everything that I don't even know how to bring this thing up that it's just like ""feeling hunger"", and that I can't seem to satisfy. This is so embarrassing.. I wish I didn't feel so humiliated by having all these feelings and for wanting love or affection. Do you realize how weird it is when a male like me looks at a girl and thinks ""her hands must feel so soft"" or ""a hug from her must feel like heaven""?. I'm only writing this on reddit because I know I'm in anonymity and noone will read this and know it's me because otherwise I would be too ashamed to share. I don't understand.. I can't comprehend how.. any of anything makes sense. There is a love switch in me that has been turned off my whole life and a resignation feeling at about everything that I can't seem to control. I've never opened up like this.. I feel so tired.. I just.. I've had enough of it all. Nothing feels right.. If any of you have any advice for me, I would really like to hear/read it. This is very important for me. I cannot stress enough how important this is. I feel like the increase of affection may make the whole difference between if I live or not, because I already know how it feels (a hug on this case) and it is a very peaceful and calming feeling.. It does has the potential to really make all the pain go away... Can you.. and are you.. willing to help me?",2.3870527634693026,4.028981955589591,3.767775581233469,89.19612668801336,76.30474732006125,7.383087846303773,24.430154531532782,8.180337850089996,1.2988642572741191,2479,82,542,43,55,815,244,653,0.162,0.685,0.153,-0.6848,2,2,0,0,0,0,99.0,0,5,0,2,43,46,5,5,25,0,60,18,2,21,10,128,128,54,0,16,20,1,25,10,1,12,6,1,0,5,49,26,1,3,34,1,0,5,24,19,0,0,8,27,67,27,72,105,14,41,1,5,1,9,26,23,1,13,21,358,116,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05082809236626587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077429353781657,0.057399435287410726,0.04159607912049454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21223038368179648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091095116348231,0.0,0.08560721361772895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04886945510684743,0.0,0.0,0.09512290311363618,0.0,0.0,0.1172053473487233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05303237971334991,0.053433350917869236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05833882805711103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03354513191756115,0.10724959477211596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434421538176637,0.0,0.0,0.04551835137514418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749002996584854,0.0,0.17177585575404986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349478722571876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.526003174381461,0.18579630274003975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04018637246954479,0.0,0.05435099248178448,0.0,0.05912222339960495,0.04362740204552985,0.041600849539547034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04659488986325554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058624265924857574,0.0,0.034864308644339814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857951535703933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151527508543107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469578796979618,0.2541171982013464,0.0,0.0459298693671356,0.0,0.04367918719750508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938904648904552,0.0,0.20832100804673626,0.0527346686481362,0.0,0.056659178368218134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03823673636904003,0.0,0.0401168876184756,0.0,0.055318146839778516,0.0,0.0,0.04990943828980315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039559468369001614,0.05534723136457105,0.0,0.057756088740687626,0.0,0.0,0.07212078743431895,0.09083433352812452,0.0,0.0,0.0983412719136786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405740754708463,0.0,0.2332533176986113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04442020800345937,0.0,0.041364119801711625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18940865474397167,0.0,0.05876172412528372,0.05339226804497188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088143650811875,0.0,0.05144379698048028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041538949012231735,0.0,0.05958258049348335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05902558331306002,0.0,0.0,0.07821705372568379,0.0836147752161402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06039299199174605,0.1036686225479037,0.03332887328466,0.0,0.0,0.03033014780536235,0.0597831630832057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05657697875327146,0.0,0.05414906201384483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875254623194374,0.09203872552235023,0.041286790526750265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421742342409144,0.05981425505784956,0.10028049025330353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084909781272212,0.0568698301899073,0.0,0.0 bpd,m-e-d-i-o-g-r-e,2020/03/14,"BPD, Over-empathizing, and My Sister My sister has BPD and I've noticed this issue where she will pick up on my emotions and make them about her. I can't let myself feel anything negative around her, regardless of what its about, because she will notice and she will get on me about it. If I feel any bad emotion around her, she starts feeling it too and she freaks out at me for ""making everything tense."" Its like I'm not allowed to be anything other than happy when I'm near her. I'm tired of not feeling like I'm ALLOWED to feel what I'm feeling. It's draining me to pretend I'm happy all the time. I want to know if this is a BPD related issue, or if this is just who my sister is. Does anyone else with BPD feel easily influenced by other peoples emotions?",3.185384615384617,4.538062923076922,4.456923076923079,86.26307692307694,73.61538461538461,6.9948717948717976,26.461538461538463,7.492282038375204,1.3764846153846153,600,21,121,7,12,198,88,156,0.08,0.7929999999999999,0.128,0.6908,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,9,6,0,0,2,0,10,1,0,6,1,33,29,10,0,5,7,3,7,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,13,9,0,0,8,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,7,21,4,21,24,1,12,0,0,0,0,14,9,0,4,5,84,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748924353632397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770057227986487,0.11284158956647394,0.1812558390915089,0.19607877552287595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195426768086994,0.06713445784165305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5548214364504623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637583824893063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199980139847456,0.3716455652100285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897808486649654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897966064760163,0.07867716593049259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753857841777683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344716761034073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298950092228413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06052477703853714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261577576051494,0.0,0.10760828215539399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702576850011434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25076833658362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763505392239551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779508502511716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421791059313167,0.12657867170608228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495775187809552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GhostViper2018,2020/03/14,"Self Discovery & Fear of Everything. Hey Yall! I’m 22 From Essex in the UK. I’ve been out of the closet for about a year and have been recently diagnosed with BPD, I’ve asked not to be medicated and currently pay for private therapy which lead to my diagnosis. Through my therapy, it’s made me realise how everything even from a child is what moulds you as a person when you are older, for me this process scared me and it took a professional to help me delve into the root cause of the issues, what this meant to me is that I’ve found out that the majority of issues are associated with “Fears” which can be drilled down and generalised, for example.... When I was younger, I went to college and was introduced to a guy which at the time I didn’t know was gay, it wasn’t till post college, he came out to me, we did the typical gay thing and “meet up” a few times, I was pretty knew to the whole thing, i asked him if we was dating officially and he said yes, it wasn’t till a few weeks later he changed his status to in a relationship with someone else, my heart sank. This is where I developed my fear of abandonment. Fast forward 2 years, I was working for a small firm near where I live, I enjoyed it, it was different to what I was used to and it gave me a different outlook on life, there was one staff member who i didn’t get along with as he made everyone’s life miserable, he once spent the day dealing with personal issues (Fixing his phone) outside of the office without managements consent. He saw me as someone who didn’t “conform” and ended up using blackmail to get management to let me go, this just added to the fear of abandonment. Since coming out almost a year ago, I’ve wondered “Well...” as I’m ready to have a relationship but am still waiting, with no friends firmly in my community, I’m left to the terrible dating apps and hookup apps such as Grindr. I wouldn’t say I’m bad looking, in the last few weeks since my diagnosis I’ve re-evaluated a few things and have lost a lot of weight, I’m not near the “Otter” category yet as i still am “bigger” than normal. Instead of all the doom and gloom, here are the things I like about myself; I can grow an awesome beard and when shaved thinly I think it suits me, I go gym but I do a lot of high incline on the treadmills so my calf’s are on fleek 🙌🏻. I could go on for days... if you wanna know more let me know and I’ll post a part 2. I guess the whole thing is to say, I want a relationship but with the combination of BPD & being Gay, it’s almost impossible for me, I’m a sensitive person and fall head over heels for any guy who sees that and treats me right, guess I’m just still waiting. If you got this far, thanks for reading x GV",4.6891701112877575,4.804235992792798,5.744104398516168,82.95418521462642,69.25225225225225,9.340222575516695,28.93614202437732,9.247498795725024,2.1337175410704816,2116,70,461,39,34,704,264,555,0.08,0.868,0.053,-0.9104,3,0,0,0,0,0,62.0,2,5,0,3,21,19,0,6,38,1,40,11,3,8,1,76,84,35,0,8,11,0,2,1,1,1,4,3,1,7,31,33,1,4,8,2,2,11,10,13,1,1,31,8,52,6,81,46,12,70,1,6,3,3,41,30,0,10,30,298,83,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325384756183694,0.0,0.1429078457232542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463098106222198,0.0,0.04852533926716072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341868886648814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05958027689493076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797437772311181,0.0,0.0,0.08161362084329357,0.0,0.07330349509309929,0.0754864502553066,0.06146790474589805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569729134964478,0.0,0.0,0.09203897456088532,0.0735661343436871,0.0,0.07242605045691901,0.0,0.14910616149448472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05960977972901731,0.0,0.06320129447383102,0.0,0.0,0.04713075404435835,0.0,0.0,0.06818485738104851,0.12826249072728255,0.0,0.0,0.3211867296020593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823948075104477,0.055130391535029084,0.0,0.07456237803272772,0.0,0.121661814346835,0.0,0.0570708671215141,0.0,0.15721598945559428,0.14130968282267886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323306820575066,0.0,0.0,0.08455861916673504,0.04782922339201436,0.07539279387160534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22343511592843285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764814399289253,0.05816563751293116,0.0,0.0,0.07752980071595095,0.14593513214275286,0.1008033936509984,0.03486152088806215,0.0,0.06300971015191525,0.0,0.05992207169122379,0.0,0.07789480721885646,0.12133067017471938,0.0,0.13503980574140914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188486639698446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991490013627202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599308339692397,0.04835348179637677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727288803868397,0.0,0.0,0.18691904983551444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668093494339134,0.0725959202777818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137650486540481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045662106659974,0.2298327669317589,0.0,0.060938654295160564,0.06787703269311747,0.11349221042025755,0.07144100015297823,0.0,0.05686244544519661,0.0,0.0744411163886078,0.0,0.0,0.11805481750800152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092143883522308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095784333856942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569611764175748,0.16320634172142784,0.0,0.2370327468303841,0.045722809019330485,0.0,0.0,0.08321790801556618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792804687668892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325941052619573,0.0,0.0,0.04208832217337415,0.0,0.1144768746091869,0.08689383927672925,0.06415868759559032,0.06614883428683391,0.0,0.1593355189062827,0.0,0.0687857892022857,0.0773838336442983,0.051948887525346335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378550813452361 bpd,throwaway-reddit-acc,2020/03/14,"A Decade With BPD Perhaps unsurprisingly, I have written -and subsequently deleted- this short note several times over the course of the past hour. It is quite odd that I feel reluctance to make this post, shame even, and a hint of embarrassment. I know that I should not feel this way, that seeking help and lending a voice to what is currently ‘going on’ is the right thing to do, but -as I am sure many of you can relate- I cannot help but internally berate myself for submitting this poorly written letter. When I was in my early twenties, after a downright nightmare worthy adolescence filled with varying degrees of abuse and self harm, I was finally diagnosed with BPD. Previously it was a Bipolar Type II (typical) diagnosis, and prior to that it was simply ‘Depression’. I had already been on medication since the age of sixteen; however, upon receiving the BPD diagnosis -and the silent stigmatic passenger that accompanies it- I was placed on myriad other medications including anti-psychotic, anti-anxiety, and mood stabilising meds - not to mention SSRIs for what was deemed to be some form of ‘co-occurring’ depressive disorder. Needless to say, I did not like the drugs and the drugs certainly did not like me. Multiple failed suicide attempts followed, and by my mid-twenties I had been hospitalised -often with a police escort- more times than I can remember, and ruined more relationships and friendships than I would care to remember. It was also during this time that I began -either consciously or subconsciously- to block out huge chunks of time. It was as if something in my brain had taken the decision to begin ‘deleting files’ - perhaps to protect me from some past trauma, now long forgotten and only to come back to visit me in the long sleepless night. Eventually, after a string of unfortunate events, my family (including my schizophrenic Uncle) decided that I needed to be sectioned and hospitalised against my will. In a moment of inspired euphoria (see: paranoia) I elected to up and leave the country with the assistance of a once good friend and an ex-girlfriend. Fast forward a couple of years and without any medication, CBT/DBT, or support from medical professionals, I was actually doing rather well. I had a job with an employer that I was genuinely good at, and I had not managed to get myself fired or have some kind of colossal meltdown or alienated my new friends as a result of splitting. This was all soon to change though -as it often does- after I met a woman and decided -without any semblance of logical thought- to move to the other side of the world, leaving my job, my friends, and completely cutting off my family. Naturally, things did not work out with her. After a few years, things started to spiral dangerously out of control. I cannot be certain what precipitated it, but I recall a phone call informing me of the death of a relative, and a subsequent self-destructive streak which showed no sign of abating. In hindsight, I am fully aware that the complete breakdown of our relationship was my fault; however, I can honestly say that she was not equipped to deal with someone like me and that I was not deserving or loving enough to deal with someone like her. After some particularly bizarre anxiety-fuelled happenings -which do not bear documenting here- we decided to go our separate ways, and I hopped on a plane and left with little more than the clothes on my back. So here I am, a few months later, sat in the dark tapping away on my phone, penning this increasingly lengthy missive. By Monday I will be evicted from my house. I am completely broke, stuck in full-on corona country, and I feel like I have completely lost my grip on reality. Maybe I thought speaking to the Samaritans for two hours or writing this letter would ground things in some way. Nothing feels real. I know that I am suffering. I hope if you read this and were recently diagnosed with BPD or are actively suffering with it, make sure to get help if it is available to you. I firmly believe that if I had continued with therapy and different medication, things might have panned out differently, but it is too late for me now. This was my first post here and it will also be my last. Thank you for listening. Take care of yourselves.",9.39037259615385,8.880428421875,9.067864583333332,65.12465144230771,59.703125,12.772756410256411,41.437099358974365,11.998138886442584,5.238868950320514,3420,167,556,94,39,1105,383,768,0.141,0.752,0.107,-0.9785,11,0,3,0,1,1,106.0,3,4,0,7,19,40,2,2,40,0,62,13,1,4,5,118,99,51,2,10,28,0,6,5,3,7,11,5,0,2,47,46,0,3,18,2,1,10,14,15,1,2,37,12,74,24,110,50,16,94,0,8,1,1,38,36,0,20,50,421,121,10,0.0,0.07234277979216662,0.05958300471792765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737812166229744,0.09765481718144824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304195874951674,0.0,0.04670857921814983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736523495870587,0.09389841248589548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879053873606797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075975471728462,0.06816001101204247,0.062346212239278026,0.0,0.12450373821538108,0.0,0.06459040557899637,0.052595358295438835,0.2560691862241478,0.0,0.0684808245026411,0.0,0.06755861360727387,0.0,0.0,0.12589455294471602,0.10517692752626398,0.12394351456918308,0.0,0.12758352542321416,0.06997682347779903,0.0,0.05343155383785341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161389988951242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308839346814459,0.0,0.04032769468789568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511855967700077,0.0,0.12348938870484655,0.043619264990117854,0.0,0.06688516144954967,0.0,0.05193521016312532,0.0,0.0,0.1415178884528116,0.0,0.06379971798620605,0.0,0.06940041032142022,0.10242373947112318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05399266683606025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277603173695878,0.0,0.0,0.0606435611863959,0.12025805590451083,0.07045179351489439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211796691860829,0.0,0.0,0.06358166219155861,0.0671108639181056,0.04976975477075108,0.06887516386953467,0.12930148539204575,0.06633880988926223,0.0,0.0,0.14914728177341305,0.06119533942436671,0.0,0.10806737430456982,0.0,0.0,0.06665112975570052,0.0,0.055106493074734635,0.0,0.08151228988405503,0.0619024020393868,0.0613401487317042,0.0,0.06782076790788423,0.307543450504668,0.0,0.0647720242401516,0.0,0.0,0.04873526235342107,0.06489412464561749,0.0,0.04527312884444807,0.0,0.05896940950959545,0.0,0.057298031767204875,0.0,0.058586015495606075,0.0,0.0,0.06502390907513576,0.0,0.046436740349726106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657198322980836,0.0,0.0,0.06379176271160708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695181046467935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494183166636991,0.06107370769820523,0.06949644337221537,0.0,0.0,0.06028660395376612,0.1311051328307464,0.13833177588542894,0.05214250217158636,0.0,0.09711024794924583,0.0,0.0,0.0486546711508747,0.0,0.12739191955725704,0.0689772395385935,0.0,0.05050713417842944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346710901290268,0.04700480381000256,0.0,0.0,0.04321658963052535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678665014193412,0.06928696970173337,0.11509134810251828,0.0,0.0459074042767757,0.0,0.0,0.0562132524326546,0.06982421195590822,0.0,0.20281840252783376,0.0,0.0599883740193757,0.09694516908648712,0.1424117417624409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05964399755153396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14539305384598272,0.0,0.0,0.05489774176954338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177138945498276,0.0,0.04445035769056983,0.0,0.0,0.08674654447015226,0.0,0.0,0.07863765028999041 bpd,themightywomanhood,2020/03/14,"How To Cope With Not Trusting Boyfriend/Paranoia? Hey y’all, I’m diagnosed BPD and in therapy for this. I need some advice desperately and if you all know any CBT/DBT I could use to remedy this. Short backstory: my last relationship lasted 2.5 years, and he abused me. (TW: ABUSE) Like, literally beat me, screamed at me, the whole nine yards. He was a chronic cheater too. All of this damaged me but for some reason, one of the most painful things I experienced in that relationship was finding out he was a porn addict and masturbating in the bathroom. Literally while I’m feet away. Once, while I was having a heat stroke and he knew it. I left October 2018. In December of 2019 I started a new relationship with a very great guy. It was very hard in the beginning because I was scared I was missing red flags. But my therapist and I worked through it, and I think he’s really just a great guy. Which brought on more issues of feeling like I’m not good enough. I’m working on that. I do trust him, and we have a very strong love, connection & foundation. I’ve never been paranoid he’s cheating or anything. He’s never hid anything from me and has asked me to open his phone while he drives etc. You get the idea - I finally found a good one. Problem: I know this is pathetic but hear me out. So today he went to the restroom and I suddenly became aware that no noise was happening. For quite a few minutes. So I just asked him what he was doing and he’s like “using the restroom?” Ok fine..... but I stay waiting to hear something. I believe I hear my cabinets open. Which doesn’t make sense. Because there’s toilet paper and baby wipes out. Nothing in my cabinets but lotion, first aid, etc. Then I think I hear the toilet seat put down quietly, followed by a much louder sound coming from the lid being put down. He comes out and I ask why he was looking through my cabinets. He got defensive and said he wasn’t and asked what the hell I’m talking about? He’s never talked to me like that so I calmly told him not to, and I told him what I heard. He’s insisting he didn’t look through them, and apologized for how he responded (he felt I was accusing him of something and yeaaaah I basically was so my bad). He had to leave and I didn’t really want to talk anyway. Just wanted to manage my anger. He did call, we talked briefly, I let him go again because I don’t want to react angrily. Now, he has never, ever once given me a reason to not trust him. We have a very active sex life, and the few times either of us have wanted to masturbate (bc the other didn’t wanna have sex but we were horny) we’d talk about it and the other would go do their thing, NBD. So anyway, I’m trying really hard to come back together but I can’t help but think I’m right about this. I live in an apartment so I’m thinking it could’ve been noise from upstairs but I heard it so plainly from the bathroom feet away. He wasn’t really in there long anyway. Just any advice would be great rn, thank you.",1.8383998890737632,4.040820009983364,3.2775648918469216,89.40485537992235,80.18136439267887,6.602340543538547,22.995036051026073,7.734863291789972,1.0835637049362177,2330,78,488,39,60,762,278,601,0.107,0.76,0.134,0.9691,1,0,2,0,2,0,85.0,6,4,2,6,26,29,4,1,27,1,43,12,2,8,7,98,102,45,0,11,20,0,5,4,0,2,6,10,1,2,24,36,0,2,14,1,0,11,17,11,0,4,34,19,68,18,57,61,14,61,1,2,3,4,74,25,1,5,28,304,92,4,0.0,0.15141541570821546,0.0,0.06965735602828513,0.0,0.12487916641882775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923256609499223,0.0,0.08690454487238315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516386685324172,0.0,0.2389409452570051,0.0,0.12006700493713172,0.049132986048294136,0.053351474972876414,0.11685338063221995,0.0,0.0,0.07199023903586356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047625936169639,0.0,0.06524616327409295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512528403329482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203339517531523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485429104585715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602286607444507,0.14252448873339246,0.0,0.057798656040752384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0323083332918913,0.0456481570126274,0.06135131167483548,0.06999623566228569,0.05840086345801429,0.05435090730087384,0.0,0.07005995803848575,0.0,0.0,0.033383638452590694,0.0,0.07262847798583225,0.1071878433132131,0.051104410680791496,0.21134059427193488,0.0,0.12653650502219632,0.05650406383100081,0.0,0.11447864231399475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880670558264252,0.0,0.04282893178343518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213213681663723,0.0,0.06669205323622655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023243638059475,0.10416945726939306,0.0,0.06765788589605147,0.06942447128675701,0.06533919407514477,0.0451324667644321,0.12486773517053608,0.0,0.0564223791733355,0.05654699215260724,0.10731507387234834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576696982138661,0.0,0.04265186274836507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04697177822387937,0.0473789481416636,0.1971257724571996,0.06171229306238395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06131106598640609,0.0,0.0,0.13609681922467376,0.08659676350481414,0.0,0.06799110289829481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114097022155174,0.0,0.12846862561208253,0.0,0.06796251448220615,0.0,0.0,0.1637366746423248,0.1313938829001285,0.0,0.20580497023420088,0.0,0.0545678412210542,0.060780848960238464,0.0,0.06397222252626301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983823393242806,0.0,0.0,0.04522675174493298,0.06810589037892874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256790658058892,0.0,0.058827937009429725,0.07307199218896472,0.07418954899115618,0.08490089216990089,0.16377092744206204,0.0,0.0,0.03725895856960476,0.0,0.06056705381746837,0.12211298441963657,0.0,0.04338198980923847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686043815708309,0.11037329295156964,0.0,0.21088745611889054,0.15075284534464328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05923332453057525,0.05765726493113363,0.07133891777819251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303581376652167,0.0,0.0,0.09078144446435517,0.0,0.0,0.04114768793507665 bpd,Questetheincubator,2020/03/14,"Is it weird that u dint have a fp? Alright so context is I have been pretty isolated since 2015, until Feb 2018 I had one friend and was completely alone until 28th December, since then I have started seeing family and their friends. I have a crush on one person (that's a post for another sub, overly complicated) but I don't have a FP like at all and honestly besides the crush I feel pretty meh towards everyone. I haven't had a do since my split from my fiancee in 2014 and to me this seems weird, I have no feelings for her anymore and normally I latch pretty quickly to people but now it's just.... Meh?",1.7162421185372023,4.083902049180331,3.448688524590164,87.05223833543509,81.78688524590164,6.704665825977299,24.13871374527112,7.882392219407189,1.4888617906683477,478,18,95,9,13,159,79,122,0.146,0.688,0.166,0.8151,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,0,6,1,15,0,0,0,1,13,20,11,0,1,3,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,4,3,14,5,12,16,1,12,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,1,7,68,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18279862702340105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850734692836989,0.0,0.0,0.17503852066281606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505472213199164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865133626033513,0.0,0.0,0.16638654097658506,0.0,0.17848531367629172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27272372658866584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622797359510817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17293049784639505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391991310394769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223614418575766,0.15411118508371136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903622889971653,0.5386855424573914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064599935686406,0.16067708714275458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4380027360054653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492614364882935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,monkeysandmacaroni,2020/03/14,"Looking back I feel like my ex-best friend might of had BPD So in my early highschool years I became friends with a girl. We had other mutual friends we would hangout with and everything was fine and dandy. However all of our mutual friends eventually moved on from us (for various reasons; moving, switching schools, growing apart, etc), so it was basically just me and this friend left with each other. Because of that we grew a lot closer together and were like best friends. However as time passed and as we became closer and closer she started to act toxic towards me. I started dating my first boyfriend in grade 10, and she immediately became jealous of him. She would constantly say negative things about him and get SO upset whenever I hung out with him (I was still spending a lot of time with her though). She would pressure me into doing things I felt uncomfortable with and if I said no she would freak out and call me a fake friend. One time she was pressuring me to talk to a guy online that I kind of liked but I really felt uncomfortable doing it, and when I told her she just stopped talking the whole rest of the time we hung out (it was super awkward). She would constantly say hurtful things about me, my boyfriend, my other friends, even my family. But if I ever called her out on it, she would get so triggered and be so angry at me and basically call me a bunch of nasty things. There's even more but honestly I don't want to go into it all. I was dealing with depression and possibly BPD at the time of the friendship, and her constant manipulative and toxic behavior really took a toll on me. I eventually just cut off contact with her cold-turkey because she was so toxic towards me and never showed any signs of improving. Fast forward to today and honestly I'm feeling a lot of the things I think my ex-friend might of felt. I'm definitely more of a quiet-borderline and usually keep things to myself when I'm feeling emotionally unstable though. I'm starting to feel like my ex-friend might of had BPD and I was her FP, because im dealing with what is most likely BPD and I have a FP and I get triggered over a lot of the same things my ex-friend did (the things I explained above). Like I said I'm definitely more of a quiet-borderline so when I get triggered I will usually shut people out and deal with it on my own. But I really feel like my ex-friend may of had BPD, and now I'm feeling very guilty over cutting them off, because I know how intense the fear of abandonment is for someone with BPD and I can't imagine what it would be like if my current FP cut off contact with me. At the time I didn't know anything about BPD and just thought they were being toxic to me because they were just a mean person, so I stopped talking to them. But now I'm just feeling so much guilt because of what I explained already. I feel like such a shitty person and wish I could've helped them through it instead of just cutting them off.",6.0804762385228575,6.114124343053177,6.479857229341139,79.14600116032693,66.28987993138936,9.534638280698218,33.27055796589648,9.247498795725024,2.808746382806982,2344,94,458,39,34,760,226,583,0.129,0.733,0.138,0.0728,4,0,0,0,0,0,54.0,7,0,6,3,35,39,5,6,23,0,39,0,0,6,4,120,80,52,0,12,15,0,11,9,8,12,0,4,0,4,25,52,0,4,20,2,1,9,6,16,0,2,25,16,87,23,74,40,20,71,0,3,1,0,63,31,0,12,42,340,112,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05301755726719375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0326714495370538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03953597563927856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03694273703726009,0.0,0.17572242437566413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083806376061692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4235666236718169,0.0,0.1471743555432841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557549258079596,0.0,0.03835908612673648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485932266818251,0.041380077395593656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05404283833001188,0.0,0.0,0.053581566398918895,0.0634649886289665,0.04345839166220783,0.0,0.0,0.04317869340615984,0.0,0.04529144386646991,0.05406266183112779,0.19433921801395346,0.1372900771058757,0.13838882325613033,0.0,0.0,0.04086605430777383,0.0,0.0,0.4454224944402193,0.0,0.1004036657156392,0.0,0.02730441379045992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047570941709650455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032202764206250185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051431909972153966,0.0,0.05189557702021056,0.0,0.0,0.042703560505111184,0.0,0.050030252153357296,0.052807261218443535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05219975810500374,0.0,0.0,0.21124608171983653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04034471414279075,0.0,0.0,0.16338057302745798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05233381162737668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290072295318444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212596863259367,0.03531774049701835,0.0,0.03705436083202362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03255574024436096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03330754003770441,0.08390003238779181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05416219570102885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233431653311093,0.049397055366356274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140136192139584,0.07641275839782695,0.0,0.0486229173912645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04070737831529734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201700310582967,0.0,0.038367861931876204,0.08033358048740766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584742370394548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553454683644508,0.030784544119165938,0.09440563127831318,0.03814143172157225,0.16808844966590827,0.0,0.0455399299383311,0.04590793512748752,0.053378459042414166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577908078416963,0.0,0.10582697469601547,0.03964118844822067,0.028337493663176488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363921658276632,0.05524802948052008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389026914819499,0.0,0.0,0.030938649110042307 bpd,usernametakenkappa,2020/03/14,"heard my SO mention a random stranger by ""nice looking girl"" and instantly my mood dropped Like wow, holy shit, you never call me a nice looking girl... but refer to somebody random you saw like that... haha wow I guess I'm ugly Now just feeling like I wanna cry but I can't, instead feeling empty and too tired to even split. Just doing nothing but laying down in bed.",2.4874404761904763,4.760394291666671,3.4992063492063497,88.29500000000002,78.30555555555556,4.669841269841268,25.563492063492063,5.288315135182226,0.6879658730158731,287,11,53,1,7,92,53,72,0.157,0.5329999999999999,0.31,0.8831,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,0,7,10,1,0,2,1,2,2,1,0,1,15,10,6,0,1,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,1,2,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,6,8,8,6,8,0,5,0,0,3,0,7,2,1,3,5,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701095388847297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29056822490002115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471622774172565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675035149866669,0.1889766696291605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291404043658117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3877005712980323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4442686537332441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040179407830879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538188137216503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27153104906516057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040325047578707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tslur,2020/03/14,"I'm constantly confusing love with emotional dependency and it's tiring I've not been in love with most of my fps. I thought I was, when they were with me I wanted all of them, I wanted them in my life forever, I've been heartbroken when they left and I've been grieving for months and years and having the usual borderline breakdown. My last fp left in february and I was so sure I was in love with him but now I'm realizing that I don't think I was. I've written down anything I've idealized about him and it was a lot, I've realized that I even genuinely dislike many things he does and couldn't even imagine being in a commited relationship with him. I think I'm so starved of positive attention, that as soon as someone is even slightly focused on me I create that perfect image of them in my head and when they leave it's rather the fact that I'm alone again that kills me than that specific person leaving. I'm not able to make people stay because of who I am, but I'm starting to think that's a good thing. I don't have proper friends or romantic relationships and I don't want them. I'm not even sure I'm able to be in love with someone and I feel like that's okay. I'm okay with being alone and whenever I'm in that ""maybe this time it'll work out"" state again, some part of me already wants to run away. I feel like I've been in love 10+ times, but now I think all of that was emotional dependency and idealization because I need someone's approval to be able to feel loved and worthy to be alive. I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this and I'm sorry if this post is confusing, but I feel like I've had a major mental breakthrough and I don't think I've felt ever this good about that aspect of my life.",4.197301720019111,4.443725063186816,5.364591495461063,84.78910415671285,70.34615384615384,8.967797419971333,28.463449593884373,8.964715089967882,1.9729898709985665,1369,46,302,24,23,456,157,364,0.08900000000000001,0.664,0.247,0.9967,0,2,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,7,6,19,24,1,2,6,2,28,10,1,3,9,75,67,28,2,10,11,0,5,3,1,1,3,0,0,1,23,24,0,0,15,0,0,2,9,4,0,0,15,5,39,20,42,45,7,38,0,1,0,6,22,16,0,9,20,185,62,1,0.24811321152561625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17131364007402752,0.09126636621478804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805867748995835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770350987193271,0.0,0.0,0.10083167389496388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937407927532258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237518113716462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186062645227356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21850191493498816,0.07481086819145127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727132628696287,0.17725212788926398,0.07940919747065829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389721725108627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04700281862707036,0.13873706011739878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848785785628468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915001691741662,0.0,0.0,0.06741512754086294,0.0,0.17514404419068114,0.17971715352802742,0.0,0.11683313258662525,0.12121558246901434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031232660889036,0.4478637207768006,0.0,0.055205831774670346,0.08384928452618247,0.0830876898865808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334658678922394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601386610054451,0.0,0.0,0.06132426750505221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956080987542822,0.0,0.05733682016836057,0.07221429537715562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792079572717192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879663137721245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775871569341302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102255189678506,0.0,0.0,0.09258080899170393,0.0585386027165075,0.08815189032435404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338437655636464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989026196354433,0.2649682126220497,0.0,0.06565805847889078,0.09645120594278657,0.09505654590694104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108721644165713,0.0,0.19512480073260785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060209791001578625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053258924503773265 bpd,FamousFennel,2020/03/14,"A shout-out to people who have never had friends, who are never believed when they claim being harmed, and to people who have been soundly rejected by the greater human family. I am here. You have a family of one. Not much else I can say. check out alicia keys new song Underdog. It will make you feel heard and loved. I have broken the repeat button listening to it because it's the only thing that reaches me right now. You matter. Maybe the whole world has rejected you and maybe you have nobody but you matter because you're human and I see the good inside of you right now. The good child who was tormented into an angry, broken person....the good is still in there. Your core is good. You are just trying to feel loved and desperate times call for desperate measures. You are not doing anything abnormal. You are responding normally to horrible things. Maybe they are behind you now, and live only inside of your head, but it doesn't make you any less wrong for how you feel. You matter because you're a person and I believe in you and your good.",3.26207660239708,5.6051260049504945,3.9780979676915074,85.47761073475772,76.07920792079206,6.826889004689942,21.522668056279315,7.85451343220497,1.0836891089108915,831,22,153,13,19,264,110,202,0.14300000000000002,0.713,0.14400000000000002,-0.2234,0,2,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,18,2,0,9,12,0,0,10,0,22,3,1,3,2,27,32,12,0,1,5,0,3,0,1,1,0,5,0,4,11,10,0,0,3,1,1,0,5,4,0,1,4,9,26,8,16,26,4,17,0,2,1,2,36,7,0,0,10,113,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921966331478031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586433180483364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21304030725831666,0.0,0.0,0.26249685821363755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895302126591956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731547994754028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21963965388635576,0.0,0.17670803910684926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000268976527574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4885466503034752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955607306168894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028660097833601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21028009905241574,0.0,0.15552080557515005,0.0,0.3511005282181473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563622217127001,0.0,0.1796941385247152,0.11251027402454523,0.0,0.0,0.11413902371683575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789390987442025,0.17719731043615747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16152403061504628,0.20343548915152887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19896984746628754,0.0,0.09264041049608382,0.0,0.0,0.09283034083745234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093031963607982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478638321392033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792837262257895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790915281049986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300609779598568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736749721476212,0.0,0.0 bpd,pierrepierre90,2020/03/14,"BPD and lying. My ex-girl friend had BPD. She would lie all the time and never, ever back down from a lie (even significant lies about her occupation, her studies, past experiences etc.). She would always say things like ""I didn't intentionally mean to say that"" or ""It wasn't my intent to hurt/upset you"" . I never once called her a liar, but she would always snap at me saying ""I am just a liar to you"" or ""What am I, a liar to you"". Sometimes when I questioned her story, she would freeze and just be silent for around 10-15 seconds, not have an answer, and then completely change the subject. Sometimes she would just blurt out a story that was technically plausible but obviously not true. Could anyone please provide me with some insight regarding this? What is going through the mind of the person with BPD with regards to lies? Any input would sincerely be appreciated. Best regards to all.",5.988034839412084,7.00204134730539,6.1584540010887325,77.95000544365816,66.66467065868264,8.707457811649427,28.35547087642896,8.841846274778883,2.101064670658684,703,22,130,11,11,224,106,167,0.126,0.7440000000000001,0.13,0.2052,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,3,0,1,9,8,3,0,10,0,17,0,0,2,7,40,19,10,0,7,9,0,1,1,1,6,0,3,0,1,7,9,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,4,4,21,5,18,6,5,13,0,0,0,0,19,4,0,4,9,99,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010038764627963,0.0,0.0,0.08213724095970798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445495967799273,0.0,0.0,0.10752334033533198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287541681611562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675532396600053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4563695431419162,0.0,0.12333393707798285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777342410069692,0.0,0.12663969376427767,0.0,0.0,0.0964361711779154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347060535320057,0.07977667255948484,0.10925601521388813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814989856878905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933173950373636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864431320156293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930173721278254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05900894634944809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156915156466098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195737731951165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863120863869908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863098530603115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530196565544673,0.0,0.1054639031082426,0.0,0.1325845275088926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530568828792727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28815678082174123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389168680844504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024350220225829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043010379798746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5148087978313769,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,j7j7jj,2020/03/14,Coronavirus fears making me irrational. I know this sounds ridiculous but I have a huge urge to fuck my FP/partner off because I’m so scared of Coronavirus separating us (we are sorta long distance) or taking him away before his time. I know it seems super irrational but I’d rather have some control and prepare my mind for the impending doom in advance ahah. Ugh it doesn’t help that I’m a conspiracy nut who also struggles with ocd. I’m really on the edge with everything here! I just want to fuck off everyone/everything and end it all (I won’t but it’s all I’m thinking about) How do I deal with this and wtf do I do?!,1.0110714285714266,3.5414957222222228,2.9336309523809554,88.05616071428574,87.80952380952381,6.6420634920634924,22.954365079365076,7.865858978985527,1.4915412698412696,495,19,100,11,16,165,87,126,0.294,0.616,0.08900000000000001,-0.9857,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,0,0,3,7,9,3,3,4,0,8,2,0,3,2,26,21,10,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,8,0,0,0,1,14,1,13,20,3,10,1,1,0,2,7,6,2,4,3,63,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327261519891906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918220156166076,0.0,0.0,0.12445856664909084,0.0,0.1737314401717967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289911267101019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21048764916931784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18083173755066367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36698503177643016,0.0,0.0,0.22974511390824576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774989871322845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684912063404028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244101535679179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18068174545453491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628334089749694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20615089663690675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079487981188972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20440720870629334,0.0,0.0,0.18586635480578512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21344012105177135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15350849388896576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082224137175186,0.0,0.0,0.1190516667978775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245588272584748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042323646321397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,vandame101,2020/03/14,"Dr. Daniel Fox's YouTube Channel is such a great resource Most of us know the internet holds a lot of negativity for those struggling with BPD. If you're looking for positivity, practical guidelines, and reassurance, I'd highly recommend Dr. Fox's channel. This particular video is helpful for recognizing recovery markers and knowing that it can get better! [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGvRMptsXfU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGvRMptsXfU)",13.941612903225806,18.230266709677416,9.800838709677418,46.88125806451618,51.25806451612904,11.411612903225805,44.65806451612904,11.20814326018867,6.3406993548387085,384,20,41,10,5,108,52,62,0.083,0.6559999999999999,0.26,0.9177,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,9,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,6,7,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,3,0,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716675671296156,0.0,0.0,0.3868708076296549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16048403929565944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33865683718159995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058900793897896,0.3245427630805845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33762602287764065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25794606775418805,0.0,0.0,0.2611455878129539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211215626721714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36948859229350095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Corpse1984,2020/03/14,"Well hello Hey everyone, I was diagnosed yesterday, and was hoping that I could find some useful information from others with BPD.",12.263636363636358,11.18451081818182,11.762727272727272,49.9140909090909,54.45454545454545,16.072727272727274,40.18181818181819,14.554592549557764,6.5988545454545475,106,4,14,4,1,35,20,22,0.0,0.685,0.315,0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,8,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,2,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4585731910499094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907054825256384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695554370203939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479146606594975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327822457011268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616350211563837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144668598971823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273710451344684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,eeemaaa666,2020/03/14,"Dating with someone with bpd What should i know before entering a relationship with a person who is diagnosed with bpd. I'm not judging them, I support and care for them a lot. But I just wonder if there's anything I should know. Thank u <3",2.3081250000000004,4.7590885625000015,3.641500000000004,86.05350000000004,80.04166666666666,6.34,24.18333333333333,7.554174236665415,1.3103283333333335,193,7,37,3,5,63,35,48,0.053,0.815,0.133,0.5334,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,15,10,3,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,5,8,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,3,1,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19564787870639255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023076213347004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.598875256358302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24240182935985835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413111051885557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613222127600278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20212643053444765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20759400893298194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25525437623136416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20144468642311866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697957257708489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21888813009567315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578295834527181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lilxanslilbrother,2020/03/14,"Ex Girflriend with BPD and I are staying friends but... Recently on Valentines Day my(18M) now ex girlfriend(18F) with BPD and I split. We didn't talk for about 1/2 weeks at all and then broke the non contact rule and have been great friends since, we've done fun things together and enjoyed each others company. Since yesterday I started missing her out of nowhere, when she was drunk exactly one week back she expressed she missed me too and that it isn't crazy to think we might have a future together, she also said she thought about touching me a lot (which later turned into playful slapping). She is usually very quiet and has difficulty expressing feelings except when she is drunk she says. Now she says she doesn't miss me at all and has no romantic feelings for me. Down the road I really wanna be together and intimate with her again, something she didn't dismiss completely (she says it just has to happen and we can't plan it) but hearing she doesn't feel anything for me now got me confused. She also says she doesn't miss me anymore at this point in time. These things tend to change a lot but she said today she doesn't think she will miss me again. Can anyone give me some insight? She considers me a close friend and doesn't completely dismiss a future. I kind of want her back, she's my favorite person, I don't care if it's right now or later but she confuses me a lot.",4.2795027235986645,5.946583557195574,4.421454928835004,86.3477367773678,71.36162361623616,7.671129854155684,28.77192057634862,8.269060116576782,1.9481374450887368,1108,43,216,17,21,344,149,271,0.078,0.812,0.111,0.79,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,3,0,0,1,16,17,0,2,8,0,25,2,0,0,3,48,47,22,0,3,8,2,4,0,3,2,0,8,0,1,11,21,2,0,7,3,0,0,11,8,0,1,9,12,45,9,23,35,7,37,0,6,0,0,45,12,0,9,24,153,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816701582731321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264728159052093,0.07942231842887053,0.0,0.09347200731469896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468200699421446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28611642872408194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580900195203993,0.0,0.12015945084060058,0.0,0.23818655818983306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325389259770182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116238420930798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229823452572893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26326993317628017,0.0,0.0,0.10896251626480133,0.0,0.0,0.09084549649804123,0.12522951190226345,0.0,0.0,0.10044416253905976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128020235252986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828285554154545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28970152886394523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049732143285327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769691487575966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099179346332659,0.0,0.0,0.10737595231984637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276641734375372,0.0,0.11215296078718127,0.0,0.0,0.09700224623500486,0.2160935358732444,0.3613141598965401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18791984512282134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744443330321378,0.0,0.0,0.08039710589611393,0.12106809066952975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912965222244002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509236404363885,0.14556327934538651,0.0,0.09017498941723212,0.06623319876239045,0.0,0.1076667160852246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235494895438147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250994770323938,0.09372075424171968,0.06699625776613316,0.0,0.18222446996070255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throawaytrashaway,2020/03/14,"anyone care for a chat? i’m not sure if there still isn’t a group on here to chat? but that would be super cool, anyway if anyone wants to chat about literally anything (or obv BPD) feel free to pm me hope you’re all having a lovely weekend!",2.307352941176472,3.5533698823529463,3.727598039215689,91.04669117647059,75.66666666666667,5.8843137254901965,18.63235294117647,5.985473137389443,-0.2937882352941181,188,3,42,1,4,62,43,51,0.023,0.593,0.38299999999999995,0.9778,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,3,1,4,1,0,0,2,11,10,4,0,5,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,8,6,8,1,3,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,4,2,25,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4491550108341037,0.0,0.2643049289458779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4045167346709739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274658468516011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239896821195754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31900560424372376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898787567409851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25649588400785545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027096721102914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18944111351862405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281580541559929,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sleepykittenxx,2020/03/14,"A funny story So the other night I was on the phone with my LDR boyfriend, and I was petting my cat, Alfred. Me: “hey so on this BPD subreddit, there’s apparently this thing called Favorite Person” Him: “yeah?” (intrigued) Me: “yeah so I was doing some thinking on who it should be” Him: “yeah???” (He’s getting visibly excited, it was so cute) Me: “and I’ve decided to make Alfred my FP” His disappointment was palpable and it tasted fucking delicious, I don’t know why I so enjoy tormenting him like this. Him: “....damn it he beat me. it’s okay though because I’ll outlive him by like fifty years” Me: (begins immediately plotting to adopt another cat at fifteen year intervals)",0.8788488938882608,3.3817915905511815,3.028413948256468,84.1218635170604,97.66141732283464,6.198575178102738,24.157855268091488,7.447530270364453,1.8673430071241093,520,23,95,12,21,175,83,127,0.024,0.74,0.23600000000000002,0.9783,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,1,7,9,2,0,3,4,9,2,0,1,0,10,15,9,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,11,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,1,19,6,8,8,1,8,0,1,0,1,13,4,2,1,6,61,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29236682322375784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996593436684776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35116372011032804,0.0,0.2847061431530901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25776437009507397,0.14567181380959784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323204524811868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27243449653368923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861143511285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616534517300941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434546549570833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852354555961046,0.17865644036707634,0.27393899304634434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515914607015209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35910156072929555 bpd,bluesaltstone,2020/03/14,"Scared of losing my FP So, I don’t believe I’ve ever chosen who is my FP I’ve always seen it as a special connection that just happens naturally and I started seeing a therapist for a while now and they have just been the most incredible person to me, NO judgement, and so many other things but essentially they are my FP. I cannot imagine seeing another therapist and I wouldn’t want to, but I’m worried because I keep having this anxiety like something bad is going to happen and ruin this and I’m terrified. Just wondering if anyone else has gone through this.",3.958558558558561,5.79637602702703,5.8037837837837865,75.41936936936938,72.51351351351352,8.536936936936938,30.35135135135136,9.150863307647796,2.940016216216217,453,20,79,10,9,156,77,111,0.223,0.721,0.055999999999999994,-0.9671,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,1,7,6,0,1,4,0,10,0,0,0,1,19,23,13,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,1,2,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,3,3,11,2,7,19,1,6,0,2,3,0,4,0,0,3,5,59,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15636671438144062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970533032246751,0.14376032705239994,0.0,0.0,0.13139989925029186,0.1925489815743624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690757868079785,0.1145559144958896,0.0,0.0,0.2117244949930988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698527584002564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998681245400202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068007832006726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323587902997983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703430230744254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180952349923192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210237397319188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19052409025221248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640868256382191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18814337456515015,0.0,0.2995000727643104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467205129917735,0.0,0.0,0.13301263201256874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43638540458500585,0.12484747071183393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084165880275314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037941177678143,0.0,0.19084459186754169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,borderlinebeth,2020/03/14,"Long distance relationship with bpd? Is anyone else in a long distance relationship? How do you cope? I am not coping well at all. Everyday wreaks havoc in my mind and I feel like crying. My bf works full time, so doesn't have a lot of time to text me. Even at the weekends he will go hours or sometimes days before responding to me and it's so upsetting because I always convince myself he doesn't love me anymore and he's going to leave. I love him so much but I don't know how much longer I can cope with this. Everyday is a battle in my mind. He doesn't know about my bpd, and I'm scared to tell him. I don't have any friends either and I don't know what to do. I feel so painfully alone. I can't lose him, but I can't continue like this for much longer either.",0.6437495488993115,2.6848839631901846,2.4831540959942267,94.33729700469152,83.60122699386503,5.553085528690004,19.404186214363044,6.794906146795322,0.08385846264886343,598,16,137,7,17,198,88,163,0.205,0.738,0.057,-0.9738,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,2,9,12,1,2,4,0,17,3,0,2,1,24,27,14,0,0,6,0,2,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,5,1,0,2,9,5,1,0,0,2,23,7,15,26,8,18,0,1,0,2,16,6,0,2,12,88,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276896331038552,0.0,0.0,0.1147005852741666,0.0,0.0,0.09374137232251356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670818288593944,0.09638653218874488,0.1412415741284223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403086610391479,0.0,0.11729850166343032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472294804846412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141956373890936,0.08890056115829327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515432225782332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104730908502758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940018923900907,0.09847864432501267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650102888963267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668439909754234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357525203292727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272729801716998,0.0,0.0,0.14596113659301593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469114729130802,0.0,0.0,0.24398229818152176,0.0,0.154216660588032,0.0,0.11719344675128895,0.2488264179937483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783743836828838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30400244021307626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667999932033018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29599434442895084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800990360030774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633520449158845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204852347255392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076056380026454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394191390419045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035499144978584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,friskypeach_,2020/03/14,"My FP just left me, please help. I don't know what to do I'm so tired I'm so so tired. I met him a couple months ago and we got involved. We weren't exclusive but we had feelings for each other and we expressed them fully. I always idealized him, put him on a pedestal and worshipped him no matter what. And today he told me he's tired of me and then proceeded to block me. I'm just so broken right now I can't even type the whole story. Please help me.",-0.1833333333333336,1.8178573333333359,1.8654545454545468,97.71818181818183,86.77777777777777,4.8121212121212125,17.08080808080809,6.1124844417494595,-0.5103010101010099,352,8,84,3,11,117,62,99,0.201,0.623,0.17600000000000002,-0.5937,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,4,0,1,1,8,2,0,0,3,0,5,3,0,0,0,18,13,11,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,10,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,5,1,19,2,5,8,2,10,1,0,0,0,17,3,0,0,6,53,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633243431384284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330872786332175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038664182739117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216937742544196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316110124920232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473596033166133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469945084584841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125763928331273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018551066331708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706464282093604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044969799477496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18521968511753695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734640765950314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6352963913810626,0.1746451413038754,0.17605643724455458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20570581843696406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,whoamidab,2020/03/14,"Getting it off my chest Yo so 21f here if anyone cares about that, I think I may have bpd but I don't know(not looking for a diagnosis here). I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety for around 8 years now. I've been through a few courses of CBT and tried a couple of different anti-depressants neither of which have really helped much. The last few months I started to work on some stuff and started feeling the depression clearing up, I got control of it and felt the best I'd felt in years. It didn't last long though by being clear of the depression I realised that there must be something else wrong with me. I would always channel all of my negative emotions inwards, all my anger and sadness towards other people. I managed to revert that way of thinking and dealing with stuff but I released a monster by doing so. I have no control over my emotions and they flip so quickly for no reason. I've always had unstable friendships/relationships, I just recently realised how I view people isn't normal. Everyone is either good or evil, and it swaps constantly in my head. I seem to have this push pull relationship with everyone around me where I'll swap from idealising them to hating them and now that I'm not channeling my anger inwards anymore I'm lashing out a lot and just being an asshole. When I swap back again I feel so guilty and hate myself so much. There's more fun stuff though, I have never really known who I am, as in I don't really know what my personality or interests really are. I have no memories at all of before the age of 18 I want to say, I know stuff that has happened in my life because I've been told that's what's happened and that's who I am. I don't want to die but when I flip moods there are 2 which make me self harm/suicidal. When I get angry I manage to stop myself from taking it out on others as much now by hurting myself and I get so mad at the world that I want to kill myself by jumping into the road or Infront of the train to piss off and affect as many people as possible. And then when I get desperate for help that the NHS don't seem to want to give me I want to overdose, not enough to kill me but more so they think I've tried and they'll actually offer me help. I'm scared I'm going to do something when I flip back to one of those moods again but I've been told by the crisis team that I'm not serious with my suicidal intent that I'm fine and my doctor has basically just said I'm trying to manipulate everyone into giving me treatment for something I don't have. I just want to have an assessment to find out what is wrong with me, if it is just depression manifesting itself differently then that's fine, I'll accept that from a psychiatrist but I can't see one unless I try to kill myself so it just seems like they are trying to goad me into it. Sorry for the long post, I just wanted to get all this off my chest, I've shut myself off from most people to avoid hurting them so I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. I'm not looking for a diagnosis here or anything. I do wonder if anyone here had trouble getting taken seriously by doctors/nurses though. Not sure if this is okay to post either but I can delete if not.",4.3327669497424495,5.103668852986222,5.5578320339690945,81.64896578727551,70.27105666156203,8.509104830850621,27.85775442015871,8.710501217029153,1.9753280245022973,2543,85,512,42,44,850,265,653,0.217,0.696,0.08800000000000001,-0.9989,2,1,3,0,0,5,42.0,0,0,7,5,46,37,10,2,20,1,46,7,4,8,9,111,100,58,5,15,32,0,4,1,0,4,3,2,0,2,40,31,0,4,17,3,0,4,21,24,0,2,14,10,72,11,90,79,19,63,0,7,4,0,25,27,1,17,30,375,112,5,0.0,0.0,0.058849591152392876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003582225513704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04613363833043156,0.0,0.05980697574413594,0.12650128626499071,0.0,0.049626391292307136,0.1073695841964248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927426069029888,0.0,0.036761749477927236,0.0,0.051315645455264056,0.0,0.06328703324537846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595282403219528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061485604205481964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516895703947878,0.1352757734470752,0.0,0.0667270274205271,0.0,0.0,0.06217245172666329,0.2597057337443712,0.061208940308715314,0.06258771808489175,0.12601308618928975,0.0,0.06172536291579226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05037761173266527,0.1356714232111968,0.0,0.06231183169828455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287382809355556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060984672318418,0.0,0.11580571504547428,0.0,0.05511824904309668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890432013407588,0.1157013018912897,0.034273076631153976,0.05058149736414005,0.048231917617615486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066561306725594,0.0,0.0,0.11907863984560035,0.06189096978436226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126476845601653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911683841959193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20015771829034332,0.0,0.09942718369511984,0.09831426709275318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04259564663525329,0.029462282392130345,0.0,0.0,0.10673716145810608,0.1012830738714481,0.0,0.0,0.05126968612459632,0.0,0.0,0.040254473203234005,0.061140438764627436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048135374806643136,0.0,0.13299472046344907,0.0,0.04651141599524464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590867087482063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172930492056775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723330973050626,0.0526565459608546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798553149753055,0.11551223814511084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19316663907102044,0.062004226749449935,0.059544529710128476,0.12949134575531251,0.0,0.0,0.05736445955888572,0.04795745377037931,0.06037645137863268,0.0,0.048055775609812,0.16469992919838253,0.06291191941019528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927864998648395,0.0,0.06750721028716038,0.08536926403081928,0.0,0.0,0.05041820310132214,0.0,0.0,0.2761420521337779,0.131929132271778,0.0,0.05683733820638461,0.0,0.04534232513693591,0.04847137732135149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159242290731717,0.1777499121595092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524921872903705,0.0,0.20471780524355887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248988742081897,0.04786779840851415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539887822836425,0.0439032134926988,0.0,0.0,0.0428393859970552,0.13186946877322145,0.0,0.07766969105803335 bpd,alwaysmovingx,2020/03/14,"Can someone help me understand if maybe I am experiencing BPD symptoms? Hi, As a background, I’ve always struggled with anxiety and depression. I’ve always had very intense relationships however most have lasted 2-2.5 years so they aren’t necessarily fleeting. But they’ve been the type where I meet them and fall in love quickly and ultimately when I am with a guy I tend to be sort of obsessed. Like if he doesn’t text back I will freak out, all of that. Also typically there’s a lot of codependency intertwined too. I’m 25F now, and the past 1.5 years have been tumultuous for me. My last relationship ended in a very traumatic, emotionally and (almost) physically abusive relationship in beginning of 2019. say traumatic in all seriousness, not to over-use the word. It was a horrible time for me and I genuinely feel like I changed a lot from it, and not in a good way. I moved home, dropped out of grad school, and didn’t move my bed for 4 months. I’ve always struggled with friendships — I’m outgoing and friendly but prefer to be alone. Which I know in and of itself is not bad at all, introverts unite lol. I do love socializing when I am out doing it though and do have a bunch of girls and such from work who are good friends. Recently I’ve struggled with catastrophic thinking and black and white thinking. It sucks because in the past I had clear goals and would go after them with no fear. I went to college far far away from home, studied a difficult topic and got amazing grades, loved school, and knew what I wanted to do. After the last breakup my goals completely vanished, I stopped going to church and associating myself with Christianity, and just changed. It’s so hard because I felt like my identity was pretty solid for a while. I loved cooking, working out, being healthy, had plans for grad school, and all of that. Now, I don’t feel like that person at all. I constantly worry about my future, I have this self talk of “everyone is going to abandon me so why get close to them” and I have chronic mood swings. Is this typical of BPD? I am really trying to see if I need to go to a psychiatrist. I want to feel better and get this under control. I am not afraid of the stigma, I just need help.",4.9945249221183765,6.207981988317763,5.799233644859815,78.89545482866045,69.07009345794393,9.164610591900313,30.38816199376947,9.473421319101043,2.691741806853583,1753,69,338,37,30,574,223,428,0.134,0.701,0.165,0.9648,2,1,1,0,0,0,54.0,0,0,4,7,18,28,1,6,17,1,35,7,0,1,6,74,66,36,0,9,11,0,5,4,2,2,2,1,3,4,15,33,1,3,10,1,0,8,9,13,0,0,12,10,40,14,56,49,9,53,2,2,3,4,26,19,1,8,28,222,55,12,0.0,0.09531655596339607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055606326945597,0.08331884422538231,0.0,0.06433344746851033,0.2008150786156884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061541744978668565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558261714580837,0.06185878752723178,0.06716989582859209,0.0980795052467364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114884580356681,0.0,0.0,0.20264039413148646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17020454634881188,0.0,0.08434716287290829,0.08693464204846495,0.09022816596041676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928889467211713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049206208660177,0.07125217584211323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687056868582817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052525555957963,0.1220292812550204,0.1149427247461941,0.07724174854099643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430632583087133,0.0,0.08406048823879411,0.0,0.1828795662342127,0.13495027594083034,0.06434082550773916,0.0,0.0,0.07965519102495401,0.0,0.0,0.07206472250991178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784387452477273,0.0,0.1613898271698604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0442115746366068,0.19672515886946051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572093886442918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678634778453955,0.2904262814447833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081983766984875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421203850399519,0.1710048875990074,0.0,0.11930088203790973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535915539216152,0.0,0.07024322902455414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184353374588403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0515364166812466,0.0,0.07943172043030147,0.25910995747850946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397469388006452,0.0,0.2442500169513792,0.06410585408739222,0.0,0.08392377970993141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200559912451591,0.0681624933057039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672573052946821,0.0,0.2523020556501908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361524942631827,0.0,0.06466026200902779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309439562474892,0.0790387821120208,0.0,0.04690930039093631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054618241347685975,0.0,0.0,0.0837481779579656,0.0967678518162039,0.0,0.0,0.13275442212482613,0.09489946550504527,0.0638550946545199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457518728999854,0.07259091676761903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171327675983207,0.08169784699355458,0.0,0.057147250108267225,0.0,0.0,0.10361047800802728 bpd,noluckturtle,2020/03/14,"Anyone else feel there BPD has gotten worse since getting off drugs? I'm about 5 and a half months clean and my emotions are just so out there, I'll be happy one moment and the next I'd be ready to gouge their eyes out while storming off calling them names. Like I feel more prone to exploding on someone now if they continuously rub me the wrong way. (On top of that the past few days I've slept like I was high on heroin without the high, and really triggering me...)",6.364631578947368,5.480549884210527,6.228421052631582,84.2489473684211,65.94736842105263,9.284210526315787,28.47368421052632,8.238735603445708,1.5915894736842098,369,9,80,4,5,116,73,95,0.091,0.757,0.152,0.6486,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,1,6,4,0,0,5,0,5,3,2,1,0,13,11,7,0,1,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,4,8,3,12,6,2,19,0,0,1,0,5,10,0,1,10,46,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413082259713357,0.20706830944392915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545292416794859,0.0,0.2063596965412028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033335985711056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343638880182472,0.0,0.16882289072626924,0.2273275872723624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043687327899639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558532724104636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21513191089272865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4270450070171395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19746500517840085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130882035800706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21492835253758374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694354534866082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19292077433819094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946604365804962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717353802065082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123286604768884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604121319389137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19481058019016284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20595018018316796,0.0,0.2209571290811856,0.0,0.0 bpd,tellmeimstylin,2020/03/14,"Sudden passing of a beloved and adored student First time posting here, brand new to making public posts and redditing in general. I have BPD and have not experienced major tragedy like sudden death in my life. I guess those are maybe important pieces of information. (I don't have the mental capacity to make this any shorter or to write a TLDR right now). I work for a school district and see students for Adapted P.E. This is my first year working in education and I've fallen in love with special education kids. Working with them has helped tremendously with my depression and anxiety. When I am engaged with the kids, I can actually stop thinking about myself and my problems and the repetitive negative thoughts that consume me. One student in particular was really special to me. She was 6 years old and nonverbal, she didn't have a diagnosis other than ID. She could use her arms really well but couldn't walk for whatever reason. This child was SO beautiful with the most amazing smile and energy and everyone in the school doted over her, even general education elementary students passing us in the hall would call her by name. It was clear she was loved by everyone. Mostly our time was spent working on walking hand in hand. She was so determined to walk, I could always see her fierce determination. Every time she'd plop back down, she'd have this fierceness to get back up again. I really felt I was the only person at school who had the time/interest to work really hard with her on walking. I felt I was really advocating for her, as much as I could. I saw her once a week for several months. Working with her was definitely a big part of feeling the ""calling"" to work in this area. I took quite a few videos and pictures of her, hoping to eventually put her some on a school twitter account for adaptive PE. I wish I could share those here. She was found unresponsive at an after school day care a few weeks ago. The cause of death is unknown, but the daycare closed its doors after her death and reportedly had many previous violations. This leads me to suspect she was not being watched closely. That upsets me, and the realization we won't ever really know is also upsetting. The news was not presented to me well and I think this may be a part of why I can't seem to process it as true. A woman at work told me an unnamed student had died and the facts about her school, last name, etc. We were pretty sure it had to be her, but of course I really hoped somehow it wouldn't be. My coworker probably didn't know the student well/that I worked with her or else she may have been more sensitive. So I had to wait a day or two for its confirmation. When I got it, I just couldn't seem to accept it as reality. I was neither stunned nor ridden with grief. I am a very emotional person by nature. I cry regularly, often daily for stretches of time. But I couldn't really cry or ""feel"" the sadness. I'm feeling it more now because I found out about the funeral yesterday and read the online obituary and memory posts. I'm still sort of in a state of disbelief, and even though I've heard that's normal, it doesn't feel ""normal"" at all for me and I'm struggling with it. It's something about how bright her light was that I can't accept. How can that light not be here anymore? I guess it's sort of weird not knowing the family at all because I can't grieve with them. Any thoughts are welcome. The funeral is in a few hours and I am planning to give them a flash drive with the pictures and videos. Any helpful tips for talking to the family or processing emotions is so hugely appreciated.",5.190746652319465,6.330592951219515,5.987041786226688,78.00166263151604,68.55523672883788,9.48121712099474,30.73317192730751,9.725611199111238,2.889569129603061,2865,113,542,64,48,940,318,697,0.102,0.73,0.16899999999999998,0.9943,0,0,1,0,0,0,72.0,4,0,3,14,31,30,1,3,40,0,67,6,3,8,7,124,109,46,8,15,15,0,9,1,0,5,1,1,1,6,29,39,0,2,22,3,2,12,20,10,2,4,36,18,77,20,87,54,17,82,0,4,5,2,56,31,0,20,36,383,106,24,0.0,0.0,0.057991819134265925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0526781224865859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04752345507235207,0.04944771728120015,0.0,0.0,0.12123644003408635,0.0,0.04546120980069447,0.0,0.05893524920742524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913908215883971,0.0,0.07245184495037797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748457609944279,0.0,0.12136246840867684,0.0,0.06058941054003208,0.061047519511507026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18978931598742935,0.0,0.13055472665126133,0.07665052107254418,0.0,0.05118406991285618,0.0,0.06167546037501888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04964332446170626,0.13369392178406428,0.0,0.0,0.06627640191157899,0.07850145817633364,0.053754789675081516,0.05006949938461775,0.1135693845449598,0.0,0.0,0.11204427711207957,0.0,0.12019156013825152,0.0,0.11411776955664395,0.0,0.0,0.10109652337065984,0.0,0.1303164664018653,0.0,0.0,0.0310479617786043,0.0570074391468899,0.0,0.0,0.04752890526862805,0.0,0.13093026698961302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053234588495784434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966483574994222,0.0,0.0,0.11804810612114358,0.0585232606216187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797796621807756,0.04844063555851085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04197478669277504,0.02903284998773724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726970869101346,0.0,0.07933547484814366,0.06024927611555321,0.059702037984795425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988806641736885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04743376963347769,0.0,0.043685411254353816,0.0,0.0,0.05739461020679225,0.0,0.0,0.11645096116613216,0.0,0.0,0.06235825224738783,0.06328742218254782,0.04026902291172603,0.045196630487081085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870649985408794,0.0,0.0,0.10377808340892364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17074285541658718,0.06045824764542365,0.06407195894271872,0.056863259804391,0.0,0.05974017756360268,0.0,0.063207536680521,0.05944271235498257,0.0,0.30456177047748706,0.06110047381472605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05075001788610496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608575372147356,0.09471066129599677,0.10819954529806612,0.0,0.0671351775332585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04574952360821677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0474581840133794,0.04968332418410818,0.0,0.0621256172756422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05600889611624324,0.0,0.0,0.047764874687566634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761563707755936,0.058386362902634936,0.09435621345750636,0.1732607311846077,0.0,0.0,0.0567846922724799,0.06602517325785348,0.0,0.0,0.05805118313230075,0.0,0.07148291968165335,0.05132552860895684,0.0,0.04903319395865825,0.0,0.0,0.09533691712032123,0.0,0.1602950334571374,0.0,0.05362329095382883,0.0,0.06833769247081202,0.0,0.0,0.3893696540252541,0.0,0.0,0.04221497339091055,0.0,0.0,0.07653760353896083 bpd,charx0o,2020/03/14,"successful and healthy relationships with BPD i’ve been suicidal recently at the thought of BPD ruining my relationship. all of my previous relationships have ended and now i know why, because of my BPD. and now i’m terrified that my current relationship will also end and so will all my future ones. I guess i’m just wanting to know if any of my fellow borderlines have had successful long term relationships? I just need a little bit of hope right now",6.204285714285714,7.845166095238099,7.1485714285714295,68.74642857142858,66.6190476190476,11.790476190476193,35.42857142857143,11.538034831475384,4.787228571428571,368,18,63,13,6,123,53,84,0.11199999999999999,0.7490000000000001,0.138,0.3477,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,7,4,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,2,17,15,7,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,9,3,8,10,4,13,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,3,10,41,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341815638248687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879428841724056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883303328714647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411853103799602,0.0,0.4886267593530561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290804846868794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246193596527992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844518018425094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214315319951146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296138657596259,0.0,0.11444523617210668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589006776921337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763142541960628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768913230107534,0.6942131233753729,0.0,0.1104396403453552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145645710047194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026666266599453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627702346449776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116692312904517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bordonbamsay,2020/03/14,"How do I stop impulsively getting upset with my boyfriend? I had been officially diagnosed with BPD at 18 years old, but never really knew how I’d behave in a romantic relationship until last year when I got my first boyfriend. In all honesty, I’m finding it so much harder to navigate my BPD now. For the most part things were going well in the beginning until we hit our first road bump: I had found out (via his secret Reddit account) that he was thinking of cheating on me. He didn’t go through with it, but really wanted to. He even went to a strip club, even though he knows that’s something I’m not comfortable with. It’s been about 7 months then and we’ve been able to move past it. He has changed a lot and always puts me first...but I’ve never been able to trust him again. I’ll be okay, but then out of nowhere I’ll snap and get mad at him all over again like it just happened. Or I’ll remember and go into a depressive episode. These things didn’t happen often, but now I’m noticing it more and more. I’m always paranoid that he’s going to cheat on me, to the point where I find myself wanting to ask him, “Are you sure nothing’s going on??” But the worst part is when I get angry at him for something that happened a while ago. I get insecure, then get upset, and purposefully make him feel bad. When I finally realize what I’m doing I know how manipulative it is. It really isn’t fair to him cuz he has completely changed from when the incident happened. How do I stop doing this?",3.668367224880385,4.765067427631577,4.859617224880385,84.83322966507178,72.09210526315789,8.158851674641149,26.647129186602868,8.575989854853784,1.7262223684210527,1174,39,246,20,22,388,162,304,0.16,0.758,0.08199999999999999,-0.9804,0,0,2,0,0,0,34.0,2,1,0,2,21,15,3,3,10,1,21,1,0,7,5,52,54,29,0,2,8,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,17,14,0,2,11,1,1,8,6,9,1,2,14,1,27,6,35,38,10,53,0,1,0,0,20,16,0,4,30,162,44,0,0.1961544802010116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693955570705378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16321624113502706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916889800397564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189039879486651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470497011000676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075054308967758,0.0,0.10283212024780056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447378318457792,0.09954633419232807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12955818419580573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049590799486153324,0.0,0.0,0.10743882255248163,0.17928164126569013,0.2502733509801267,0.0,0.1075366314846964,0.0,0.0,0.2562065498185515,0.0,0.27869777870001256,0.0,0.07844132843476702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34691751806327104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780137243564412,0.07994604087677287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047915585440353584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338176225815384,0.0,0.0,0.06546731934933825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828431733677302,0.1042405847784055,0.07209805638575252,0.0,0.15128642767114733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941077570342284,0.11166158790599637,0.10291556511788752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124161869431425,0.09362582334697024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927146932605356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859471541649342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884923742589414,0.0,0.0,0.10529825148547156,0.11110239401854896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100930209957888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639939286642496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243663809826692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130316320614712,0.06284393527102028,0.09636039043340007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569699460989513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818321745337794,0.0909185841669906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263170540721969 bpd,anythinginn,2020/03/14,"Am I overreacting? I was going to talk to my friend about why I've been really sad this week so I asked if I could call them, they said no they are busy which is fine but then they went on to say that me talking to them is just offloading my emotions on to them and then I'll be fine after which is not true I feel like I am there for them but they are not there for me , I can't tell if that's actually hurtful or if I am overreacting but I have been cut off for the day Any comments welcome please",0.7690909090909095,2.356187727272733,2.6454545454545446,95.68818181818185,80.81818181818181,6.218181818181819,19.18181818181818,7.1686216300943375,-0.008345454545454434,390,9,98,5,10,130,68,110,0.145,0.745,0.11,-0.6199,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,8,0,5,9,1,0,1,0,15,0,0,0,1,14,20,11,0,4,10,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,5,3,21,6,13,13,0,10,0,2,0,0,18,3,0,4,6,72,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.23301865380560724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16238124888799818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22323072491943485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438250725127333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19064952427034085,0.0,0.0,0.1539958695938627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26859976235602484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073632091695535,0.1705872749470301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18448385862601613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570640036711942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25562311719599834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665775830586568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26211303068580305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297108888972322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22713818194732244,0.18989055146671224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838509281152657,0.20870766453029527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19153805154758066,0.0,0.0,0.22135507935027396,0.21546534075363172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdick,2020/03/14,"How should I tell my psychiatrist that I think I have Schizotypal Personality Disorder? Currently I am in a residential treatment centre that’s based in DBT. I am currently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and working really hard on learning how to take control over my emotions and impulsive urges. As I’m starting to improve with learning how to deal with BPD, I notice that I’m starting to have all the traits of STPD which then causes the BPD to act up again, like a cycle. How should I tell my psychologist and psychiatrist that I think I have STPD? I’ve showed a lot of paranoia and obsession about what could be wrong with me so, I don’t want them to think I’m just being paranoid.",7.08727272727273,7.707204545454545,7.651060606060607,69.59659090909092,64.15151515151516,11.44848484848485,36.196969696969695,11.20814326018867,4.306678787878788,568,26,100,16,8,188,78,132,0.134,0.8109999999999999,0.055,-0.8391,3,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,2,8,3,0,1,5,0,11,1,0,6,1,26,21,11,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,6,8,0,1,5,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,15,1,19,16,2,12,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,7,70,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208642438018301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17163776407524695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873950600980223,0.13340023518610258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17225272539014794,0.0,0.16958325582482134,0.0,0.0,0.3829776039155342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18794314649543134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967136771478534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162712418950936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204592097615087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902223299462064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917766084331183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703608788253284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23652096685055324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562379097901782,0.0,0.2920715552796675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211754377066339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985484457779508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163664078667258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18267636840029025,0.0,0.0 bpd,lauraisconfused,2020/03/14,"Living my FP one day and hating him the next. I'm undiagnosed but sure I have BPD. I am deeply in love with my FP however I have read a symptom is feeling like you love one person one day and like you hate him the next. I have been struggling with this since I went sober 7 months ago. Some days I wake up and dislike him for no reason at all and I can't bring myself to be affectionate toward him. Other days I wake up and feel I'm desperately in love with him, so much so I cry from joy and the strong emotions that come up. I know I love him at heart and these negative emotions come from my mental disorder as he never does anything to trigger me. And it usually happens when I wake up in the morning. Basically I'm asking how to manage these feelings so that it doesn't ruin my relationship long term.",2.045948103792416,3.899173155688622,3.802299401197605,87.63167265469063,77.92215568862275,6.609021956087824,23.10938123752495,7.554174236665415,0.9391879441117768,635,20,135,9,15,213,98,167,0.162,0.588,0.25,0.9719,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,1,5,14,2,1,5,0,9,9,4,3,3,25,28,15,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,13,0,0,5,1,0,4,5,4,0,3,2,3,26,10,20,25,4,27,0,1,0,4,16,10,0,1,15,91,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759297411214687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988254568158232,0.0,0.11347067483329992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286949581637085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20911027357151515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332642339696602,0.31311129327135256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391080237433915,0.0,0.10621742300549758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730645282418168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841148679190268,0.08671142027245174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073328683257906,0.0,0.0,0.2396683976882801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14383177741197944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670536891633269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859688727243048,0.0,0.10717770340470363,0.10741441325509354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43818824382545896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231899839086514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688159158511928,0.0,0.08922571838745892,0.0,0.09361306578784533,0.0,0.2581706421805736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24674364243521035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598130793734943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214093803968437,0.0,0.0,0.12479529237325693,0.0,0.13031297381258036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040392334660184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268891071989405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439594703511692,0.126156693260944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367910445489267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251726320702136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,angoisselife,2020/03/14,"Going backwards Yesterday I hurt myself for the first time in 2 years and almost broke my sobriety of 18 months. I feel like I’ve finally snapped after being wound tightly for the past 6 months. No one appreciates me - I sacrifice my bank account, time and mental health to help everyone in my life and I’m exhausted. I want to kill myself but no one is listening, I just want someone to give a shit",5.5119230769230745,6.198893012820518,6.529897435897437,76.03176923076926,67.58974358974359,10.342564102564104,32.266666666666666,10.355215969177356,3.4061405128205138,317,13,59,8,5,106,57,78,0.217,0.6809999999999999,0.102,-0.8886,0,0,0,0,0,3,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,6,2,0,3,0,2,5,1,0,0,10,9,4,1,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,2,5,0,3,0,3,11,1,9,8,0,14,1,2,0,0,3,3,1,1,11,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21453936591820627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20472404427790106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083307018795737,0.15305948604684055,0.0,0.2346992421341203,0.0,0.18224003951243872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20552710649686415,0.12176261037001633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22773660523463546,0.0,0.0,0.14360654877905374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22935792222403376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23703470926588135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133036291211452,0.104671210295239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159125403394892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420229208292495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903612540523847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20452485667350964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199234587911261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18153243219315102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24986056053595698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252739152449978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796929338497546 bpd,cvonstreit,2020/03/14,"I've lost most of my friends and all of my FPs in the last 4 months and it taught me a lot I don't NEED anyone. I'm not saying this out of spite. It doesn't mean I don't WANT anyone, I love all the people I lost and I'd like them back in my life, but I don't need them. And I think its helping a lot. I'm very social, I make friends quite easily but in classic fashion, I always felt like I needed help with stuff, I couldn't do things on my own, I couldn't help myself, I was so dependant on someone starting things I needed to do so my guilt would eventually make me help out with MY OWN stuff. But I took a turn for the worse a while back and it cost me a lot of people. Its not all my own fault, it could've been handled better by my ex-friends/FP (people really don't want to believe how hard to handle BPD can make someone), but in the end, my BDP played a major role in it. And there were so many things I needed to do, for which I was always waiting for someone to come and help me out with. Getting my apartment in order, getting a new therapist cause mine sucks, learning stuff for uni etc etc. So then I was there, and I realized - theres noone around whos willing to help you. Theres noone who cares about you in a way that makes them put their life second to put yours first. So I had to do it myself. I had to put my own life first, because I need to be my own FP now. And honestly? I'm feeling a lot better right now. I bought a table on my own, I built my bed on my own, I'm motivating myself to study. I'm getting better for now! I miss my friends, I miss an FP, I miss having someone to dump my thoughts onto, but thats it, I miss it. And I will make new friends, and maybe get some of the old (non-shitty) ones back. I dont need to dump my every thought onto someone, because I have a journal and myself for that so maybe this will help me in the future, to not get attached way too much way too soon, because I know its not good for me, and its not compulsive anymore, and I DONT NEED IT, and I realize the things we want, arent the things that are necessarily good for us. Thanks for reading, I love you all",2.6897138058918197,3.037788197396964,4.108592820656359,92.09281155972292,73.75054229934923,6.9028339514379695,23.9815968091806,6.532088108194933,0.4600375201175555,1633,42,394,11,31,543,180,461,0.10800000000000001,0.721,0.171,0.9896,1,1,0,0,0,0,58.0,2,4,4,9,22,29,4,1,20,0,30,5,0,9,4,78,82,29,0,14,10,0,3,2,4,4,3,1,1,0,29,24,0,1,11,2,2,5,15,12,0,4,15,4,73,17,51,60,21,50,0,6,0,2,28,20,1,7,23,274,102,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498154765180392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256217691360012,0.08821931725786808,0.0,0.0,0.05615795513866157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552264117105504,0.0,0.1153658939885638,0.0,0.0,0.0710738383424468,0.0,0.16737747976468487,0.0,0.0,0.07945183576107594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431813680731255,0.0648044382127457,0.0,0.05434110652041039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05036727986559848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786748385695495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055873521139655664,0.0,0.140710221381966,0.0,0.0,0.05315082095353541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031897063938874155,0.0,0.060570339347005876,0.0,0.0,0.10731809342494927,0.0,0.0,0.19495354470281465,0.0,0.1647934049420301,0.0,0.0,0.1058233942538185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056510692466476616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959861823361047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034669205829583695,0.051421715397395255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367385730778414,0.06163911484775695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377268359468259,0.21452635808599588,0.11387118206589365,0.0,0.2105446265063345,0.06395707020753019,0.1267523091100008,0.06871675013217661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050352886046924575,0.0,0.046373850355992466,0.3742066975916799,0.0,0.12185345123447992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619583460813568,0.0,0.04274721443315476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120308850718804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902499238323291,0.0,0.06709738476140031,0.0631008697950517,0.0,0.04041309662293582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05387321916946858,0.0,0.050166768504465824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430598816247847,0.2672534884469383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04465103721453119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21664756958437134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05807908601254856,0.0,0.07324515215277502,0.20955036286957435,0.040421550817504086,0.0,0.10016297883885418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008842120223878,0.0,0.06861705771580334,0.0,0.0,0.07588204219998146,0.0,0.0,0.05205074036904145,0.1116253762647393,0.15021894863785887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428777999300449,0.04481292043730462,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,undercovermascot,2020/03/14,"Insecure attachment style I have been struggling with the fact that I have bpd traits for v long time. The pdoc said it too but he was having some stigma against bpd,hence unwilling to diagnose it. I'm realising I have an insecure attachment style because I feel like I can't rely emotionally on my mum. I feel like I need to rely on the psychiatric team. Sometimes I really want to get warded n do art therapy n stuff. I want to get away from this world. My psychologist stopped seeing me and I'm already seeing my pdoc once every 3-4 months,and they delayed my appointment by 2.5 months. I oscillate between feeling ok and trying to cope with it. I have been hurt by some ppl with bpd but it's really time to admit my problems with attachment styles. If I do really get diagnosed with bpd I should really accept it instead of self stigmatising. I keep posting online about the appointment being postponed because I'm feeling devoid of support and I told the pdoc I wouldn't go to the emergency room or call. I don't want to seem too needy.",2.9954433497536925,5.440822275862073,4.586233990147786,80.25984359605914,77.47290640394088,8.394975369458129,26.898768472906408,9.120678840339163,2.6268583251231528,834,34,153,22,20,279,115,203,0.136,0.6970000000000001,0.16699999999999998,0.5579,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,1,4,10,0,3,7,1,15,2,0,0,1,32,38,7,0,8,4,1,4,2,0,2,2,1,1,1,8,8,0,3,7,2,0,1,3,5,0,0,5,7,24,5,25,30,2,13,0,1,2,0,9,5,0,5,8,91,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255022118631607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685165590473976,0.0,0.0,0.13865565842625216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5729481852783191,0.0,0.11612949937275907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23086403777311776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279292388292769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582115416110992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23001815784900595,0.1624953056288111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782553192187426,0.0,0.06463451922275047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174869598993003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108710348185082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112398680247307,0.0,0.0,0.10064613090169333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077699214800608,0.0,0.0,0.08432823100088711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111712543457577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892045171787244,0.0,0.0,0.10882280132191086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914295201588289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818183333710976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18125375704340407,0.1035341419186744,0.11864361370937368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248038025742932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508210636003298,0.0,0.11889370621812685,0.13019190667454147,0.0,0.12905773767999154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005843478376705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263198903088985,0.0,0.0,0.1086724416882049,0.0,0.07721417636738483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20124002217587608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,discardedcigarette,2020/03/14,"Does anyone else hate being tied down? I'm in DBT, have been diagnosed for a year, have made a lot of progress. Relationships went from being incredibly unstable to stable but with lots of anxiety on my part. I've noticed that where i used to hate my partner very suddenly and would break things off, now i stick to the relationship. But i also have this intense fear that I'm missing out on my life, I want to meet different people, I dont want to be someone's anything. And i wish my boyfriend would do something valid enough for me to break up with him because I'm so f*cking restless in this relationship and just need to move on. We've been together for a month and it's too much for me to handle. It's not even a hate thing, i just don't want this anymore! I'm not sure what to do because he says he's in love with me but i wish he would cheat on me so i could break up with him easily. Does anyone else have this? How do i deal with it because I'm very stressed out :(",4.755588235294121,4.537031813725491,5.558627450980391,85.48882352941179,69.09803921568627,8.95686274509804,29.745098039215684,8.59863814320734,1.9067627450980391,766,26,172,11,12,251,107,204,0.18600000000000005,0.7,0.115,-0.9633,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,10,10,4,3,5,0,18,3,0,3,1,34,37,11,0,10,7,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,12,11,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,8,0,0,4,1,20,2,34,26,5,23,0,1,0,1,13,14,0,2,4,113,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948029699600822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559736552342069,0.0,0.11096717598889776,0.15647550943269947,0.2292939351894434,0.09207789605993076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20462567149837374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933696179796677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535613206608847,0.0,0.11356841182522295,0.0,0.11690372350454553,0.0,0.0,0.1958355540202721,0.0,0.13113703769332286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18694345391932485,0.0,0.0,0.11561474072582732,0.0,0.0739038626457594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259100370312907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314116845030637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903289804782522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19025380274779927,0.10098724280183224,0.10587527674424888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931143133389507,0.11892389365281515,0.08225377484614932,0.08296678303974847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127390217864435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116854524494156,0.0,0.07757208871195301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603916292710523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898131273656487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480605167270446,0.08614022178431056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817234487176998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545724529645344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486726526616789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663909192659784,0.0,0.1846458659793932,0.19799107677954786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372535857818416,0.0,0.0,0.25734143315129515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384554122346331,0.0,0.0,0.07205502509868321 bpd,whybotherlol,2020/03/14,"DAE find it easy to hide your emotions from everyone but your FP? Like my family and friends have commented a few times like do you ever show emotion, mainly it’s just because I lack interest in anything and everything and couldn’t give a fuck, whereas when it comes to my FP it’s a whole different world, the littlest thing triggers a million different thought spirals and emotions.",11.034460093896714,8.704432915492959,9.761126760563384,67.2330516431925,57.87323943661972,13.410328638497653,49.01877934272301,11.855464076750405,5.8830525821596265,311,18,52,7,3,97,54,71,0.11199999999999999,0.682,0.20600000000000002,0.8201,2,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,3,5,1,0,5,0,3,1,0,1,1,13,7,6,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,6,4,4,5,4,6,0,0,0,1,6,2,1,0,5,36,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609492481468046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115630461361044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16339717919875615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39636174829887705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6401116438503351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715813071358684,0.0,0.18125253180809456,0.17047700965635373,0.0,0.17881851682600708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17336902233374182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14655047218846154,0.17536109896116875,0.0,0.18196352333280727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534141351444072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601855348714247,0.0,0.0,0.15058902229260196,0.1106070841748716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21177697892162226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SaRahSkiTzo64,2020/03/14,I was just recently diagnosed with BPD. Can anyone give some insight about it? For the first time since i was 8 years old i finally feel like i have the correct diagnosis. I didnt know what bpd was until a couple of months ago when my new psych dr diagnosed me with it. Everything i have come across and or read so far basically describes me to a freaking T like its almost scary... Its still extremely knew to me and i almost want to pinch myself because i still cant believe it so I'd like to know other people's experiences with bpd? What kind of feelings or challenges have you had with bpd? Any input is greatly appreciated :),3.761935483870968,5.522201645161292,5.137935483870969,80.31190322580649,72.87096774193549,8.185806451612903,27.72258064516129,8.841846274778883,2.2144896774193548,500,19,96,10,10,167,84,124,0.023,0.835,0.142,0.9085,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,2,7,7,0,0,4,0,11,3,0,0,1,21,19,8,0,1,3,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,6,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,6,2,14,6,14,13,1,16,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,5,16,63,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432594451971127,0.0,0.2582937650649018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770541964951853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018025920392267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862016730244016,0.0,0.0,0.14530734001498766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6497431506723472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110980049213999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427051251341084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618078408028803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591176635154116,0.12615941702506067,0.0,0.0,0.13042429178832576,0.09213766145139493,0.0,0.14128258151889247,0.0,0.1097035636089052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372174666585295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421921453154366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430454792968202,0.1417593364032598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890276934865528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294426337724244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456201383986445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353344756847857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941298344252878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900695609505458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734434444057838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066870161811898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20599449852835885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752046421012825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607105925085278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305377453510306 bpd,mattheavy1985,2020/03/14,Date I have bpd and am going on a date with someone who also has bpd. Should I try it out or worry about a future shit storm?,1.7185714285714262,2.2453080000000014,3.7771428571428594,92.91785714285713,76.14285714285714,5.6000000000000005,17.571428571428573,3.1291,-0.7570571428571427,96,1,23,0,2,33,24,28,0.228,0.772,0.0,-0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,5,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,3,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459578951140456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7747292701833984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17479505195316014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31570883942366323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26059699952194026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088149820244484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123449973937692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_Hayato_,2020/03/14,"I Am My Monster I've had four fiancées since I was 21. If that's not a red flag I don't know what is. I was a people pleaser who would try and do the things that would make people love me, but then I found polyamory and it made things so very much worse. Suddenly I had the ability to pick and choose between multiple people who would give me affection. My psychologist did not give me a diagnosis for it, because I told her I was not seeking one, but I have textbook borderline personality disorder. Let me count the ways, I'm a substance abuser and I'm not sober even now, I was extremely hostile to people who did the wrong thing, but had good intentions, as well as simply to anyone I projected my issues onto. I would impulsively make huge commitments, and then out fear of being abandoned I would not correct myself when I realised the massive errors I had made. I would try and please everyone and in doing so, I pleased no-one at best, and greatly upset everyone at worst. There would often be times where I would just take my current emotional state out on someone, if they made a transgression that I deemed serious enough to warrant an injection of venom into their soul. I would do drugs given to me by strangers and then assert my autonomy to do so when confronted about it by my fiancée who wanted me not to die in some nightclub bathroom stall. I took a stance of bodily autonomy in that moment, but in doing so I was breaking the contract of trying my very best to stay with her as long as I could. I would commit to what felt best in the moment because I had no foresight of how these would affect me, wear me down or simply be promises I couldn't follow through on because my impulsivity would get in the way again. I was constantly chasing new experiences so that I never had to look into my pain. I told myself I had no pain and that others were just soft. I would correct people in my life on their behaviour, tell them they were doing things wrong when often they were just doing things in their own way. This is a very common autistic trait but it causes people harm nonetheless, and my having autism is an explanation, not an excuse. It was my personal responsibility to heal and I shirked that responsibility through a complete and total inability to realise why I was the way I was as well as needing to run from my pain as fast as I could in any direction open to me. Even when I did begin to change, I couldn't change fast enough, and I would've killed myself had I been alone when I was like this. Being alone felt like existing in a void that went on forever. There was no good solution, but I surely picked the worst possible in my choosing of polyamory. I no longer identify as polyamorous. I now identify as a relationship anarchist. I don't give people any labels other than ""friend"". Because it is to friendship we bring the best of ourselves. I only want to be someone's friend because a friend does not have patience for your bullshit, and I have so much bullshit, even now. I contacted an ex fiancé to show them how I'd healed a lot of the things that I used as weapons to hurt them and the entire polycule by extension, but they said that it was quite emblematic of our relationship for me to be so focused on myself and not at all think about another's feelings. They showed me in that moment that I may no longer be an emotional child, but that sentiment immediately roused my monster and my belief in that moment that they must hate me definitely shows that I'm an emotional adolescent at best. I may be 25 but emotionally I might as well be 12. I feel so free now that I'm having friendships that can naturally evolve to have romantic elements, if that feels right, and then those elements can fade without it being the end of the world, and without me acting accordingly as if it were. I still feel like my entire life ahead of me is going to be peppered by misdeeds, slip ups and being triggered into releasing my monster. But I believe in myself now, I just need to find a way past the hurt that I feel to know I hurt so many so badly. While I have failed more people than I can count, I truly see hope now. I am not fixed, but at least instead of the monolith of shame, I am now a duality that contains hope. I am hopeful for my future.",7.633138760880697,6.557079553166068,7.8872802526028325,74.00965053763444,63.5041816009558,10.934391534391537,35.101809182454346,10.07000556051586,3.318932889571599,3394,127,650,62,42,1114,341,837,0.159,0.684,0.157,-0.7493,2,2,1,0,1,0,68.0,2,1,12,8,44,47,5,3,37,0,90,10,1,15,9,133,137,72,2,29,32,1,8,3,3,17,8,1,0,3,48,29,0,2,15,3,1,7,22,23,3,2,40,12,118,25,102,63,18,91,2,5,3,1,40,37,0,15,42,515,166,3,0.0,0.058284407760617274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189603352518177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690441532523582,0.05158204068004115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03439614986181635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04107321711471917,0.14993475737194245,0.0,0.0,0.05542247369100502,0.25811954298130685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05053367533917563,0.10407710477825767,0.0,0.05157681563970587,0.0531590139243162,0.0,0.07855152636582705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051053469754785384,0.0,0.05637822772486836,0.0,0.043048200250469716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05704703571969539,0.0,0.0,0.2213372563641534,0.04356945998140915,0.10165685256838196,0.0,0.09747244194877497,0.0,0.0,0.09401001798251957,0.0,0.04811915881346919,0.0,0.05535461131951538,0.1243646205270992,0.035142733444944736,0.0944639579683382,0.0,0.044960544122118105,0.0,0.0,0.05393642573191818,0.114016717904699,0.0,0.025700759556125524,0.14156818056581655,0.02795691446712836,0.08251973469712566,0.0,0.05423429010536912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048566858832850314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14657609474221106,0.0,0.0,0.15798297509777828,0.0,0.0,0.05134360734713643,0.0,0.0,0.05442359581935098,0.0,0.054069210071931856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050302093910497656,0.06949144732290141,0.07209809475591017,0.0,0.0,0.043533321000949615,0.041308842268015816,0.0,0.0,0.041821230266761614,0.044397648553909305,0.1396398157932607,0.06567200700267169,0.049872908563792284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052184877096779284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723234754516036,0.07295040388963596,0.037939858528548406,0.04750988445749835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03333373323486822,0.037412688832153686,0.15703108485551467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04695927515882993,0.2728279918669869,0.08590501327936714,0.0,0.10799596127786276,0.0,0.05545652377618854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05232168584671841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562747303006642,0.0,0.042009649987996285,0.04679280201775145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03919960915191965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04069208304868797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336034624112205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05243206535052965,0.03928474870575075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046362823503588085,0.0,0.03698621863558562,0.0,0.04299592583785985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960856440670412,0.031520210375282506,0.0,0.0,0.028684217176295913,0.0,0.0,0.09401001798251957,0.054654057958837834,0.1001942994383527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04248604398820344,0.0,0.12176551271092732,0.05802936423641655,0.1952313707109863,0.0,0.0,0.13268839166640387,0.04560142339284552,0.04438807665507465,0.0,0.0,0.09483855401662848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050130791841412614,0.4892236224504658,0.10756733336182184,0.0,0.0 bpd,eyeslikelapis,2020/03/14,"I think I ruined a relationship with my best friend and I don’t know what to do and if I need to stop trying or try again Hi all, this is my first time posting here so I apologize if I used the wrong flair/don’t explain myself correctly/ramble. So I have been feeling HORRIBLE lately. Like really really fucking depressed and over the past school year (I’m a junior in college) I have been experiencing a lot more drastic emotions. I didn’t realize I had bpd until recently and my emotions have been all over the place with me trying to handle my horrible coping mechanisms and thinking patterns. My roommate/best friend also has bpd which sometimes makes it difficult for us. I’ve never opened up to anyone like I’ve opened up to her which is good and bad. Lately I’ve been going crazy and having major issues and feeling like she is replacing me with other people and other stuff in that abandonment realm. We have fights kind of often (but not in a bad way??) but whenever we do it is ALWAYS me who tries to bring up the problems and fix things. Like I don’t think she has confronted an issue once and sometimes it kind of hurts (plus she is usually defensive when I bring up issues while I am calm). The past two weeks have been extremely bad and I have been in a very dark place that I don’t even feel comfortable admitting over reddit. I have been switching emotions when texting her (aka seeming fine and then freaking out). I also cannot stop myself from constantly texting her during my freak outs since I don’t have anyone else/ my impulse control is weak af. So last night I was not doing well at all and practically begged her to come over after I was trying to be fine not too long ago. I never ask her to come over during these times even though I want her to because I just think it will burden everyone around me. But last night I did not feel comfortable by myself and I not only told her that but said that I really needed her there with me. She basically said no and that she can’t just drop everything she is doing to come comfort me, which is valid I know but it still really hurts especially because no one ever does that for me without saying that I am a burden (hence why I never ask people). My feelings were getting even worse and I started saying some very depressing things over text. I said something along the lines that I wish she would forget me and that I wish I could forget myself. She never responded. It’s been a full day and she never responded and has been locking herself in her room or making rude/annoyed comments towards me. Like I know I was depressed last night but I don’t know what I did wrong besides that. SO NOW THE ADVICE: I know that I handled the situation poorly. However, it makes me feel horrible that she never responded to me and has just left this horrible message that I sent sitting in texts. I know she is going through her own stuff as well, but should I just wait it out and let her come to me or should I confront the situation. Part of me feels like I’ll just resent her if I have to confront her and apologize for being depressed and asking for help. Like she didn’t even ask if I was okay today even though last night I was saying and thinking some scary thoughts. I am also scared that if I bring it up I will have to apologize AGAIN (which I am always doing since I guess I’m the only one doing anything wrong) since she usually gets defensive and puts the blame back on me. However please call me out if I am being too stubborn, I just don’t understand why she is mad at me for being depressed and makes me bring up issues and practically force her to tell me why I am making her upset. This whole situation is making me want to distance myself BADLY and I think that’s the exact thing she is doing to me. I am just so depressed and her throwing me to the curb is making me feel so alone in the situation when I thought friends were supposed to help one another. I don’t know what to do and I am very sorry that this post is all over the place. Also I typed this on my phone Incase there are typos or the format is wrong I just really need help.",4.1717399267399236,5.472061341880341,5.077822344322346,82.969260989011,71.11233211233211,7.902002442002442,26.10421245421245,8.344100000000001,1.672554725274726,3265,102,634,50,60,1065,305,819,0.192,0.7140000000000001,0.094,-0.9984,2,1,1,0,1,0,57.0,3,0,0,3,43,60,10,2,24,1,88,2,0,9,12,157,157,68,0,18,31,0,8,7,3,5,1,6,1,0,46,50,0,9,28,0,1,13,25,37,2,5,28,15,133,23,72,118,14,103,0,10,0,1,70,38,1,16,54,486,179,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04387925593366842,0.0398043118503741,0.0,0.0,0.04650656375647247,0.0,0.14363749781620153,0.07472674674201682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04708531589666725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279525046008468,0.04600902128838375,0.03695181799301234,0.03997370380854922,0.1679151325338131,0.0,0.0,0.03452807912518889,0.14997044531332482,0.054745607747773484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942470678565524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310896708816462,0.0,0.04585157282988078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547218228521473,0.0,0.04852481465221015,0.05036318004504156,0.035851852547309895,0.0,0.0,0.02895909250602222,0.0,0.23205231140515384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039295422997110085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0375111768394221,0.15153144144082367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829194618484956,0.04061785634488144,0.0,0.042907292303686055,0.04035643977722805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816367826223952,0.06415824903057232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03819495981713357,0.0,0.0,0.10407717704199343,0.04151263354372883,0.04692053150788583,0.0,0.05103947543859737,0.03766299010952813,0.0,0.0,0.049466352746668135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029376378705424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961404161953146,0.0,0.0,0.18747067307476956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935203313854079,0.17274482184781795,0.1464096344354167,0.1013063818604969,0.0,0.04878786800088605,0.04591694998519229,0.0,0.15356333752743515,0.0,0.0,0.03973825277823606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0381754155581454,0.0,0.0,0.20981440518499966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988630054128653,0.20779444167079528,0.0,0.0,0.16855586135689452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047820844211026906,0.09128347804895844,0.06830238776835712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04862619827298133,0.08573109074327775,0.062260973069067964,0.0,0.14074404276680386,0.049290643461300486,0.0,0.0,0.08601042890187545,0.0,0.0,0.04296665900838021,0.0,0.04514049752520854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14383190684229205,0.0,0.0443368652652618,0.04820963720529765,0.0,0.0,0.128140754164572,0.10712738063261504,0.04495631425759213,0.04544481740185698,0.0,0.04087853021156553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114341092120997,0.20189400858190468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03456896750963788,0.08882157204091068,0.05026587835198585,0.03178298305112962,0.0,0.03586005474667445,0.0750828023565593,0.0,0.0,0.10280770558714852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03924770566761713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949582424402372,0.17263439481065534,0.08823507319864682,0.07129684901809917,0.05236727392668265,0.0,0.04256334073678247,0.042907292303686055,0.0,0.15243290681225855,0.0,0.04386427016774706,0.046746207462441035,0.05401347452556452,0.03878227336512316,0.0989098926860236,0.11115046158947524,0.0529705864741344,0.03564236948238088,0.036018941078213816,0.0,0.08074741718972968,0.0,0.12155548232265112,0.050133240331243736,0.10327379541424722,0.043285446021370265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04576058137452305,0.031898212887806206,0.19638005029387115,0.0,0.028916431487482006 bpd,killab33_,2020/03/14,Lol I just got a new job too. It doesn’t mean anything. Fuck me. I don’t deserve good things. I’ll fucking ruin it like I ruin everything else.,-2.3508755760368665,-1.4281426774193502,0.6016589861751171,98.63677419354843,120.93548387096772,3.061751152073733,17.33179723502304,5.288315135182226,-0.4738976958525343,111,4,25,1,7,38,25,31,0.306,0.47200000000000003,0.222,-0.6396,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,5,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,12,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512350468774286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550381221693028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743830368821179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5644879738440178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560702990987009,0.2441754834091333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302962128637282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491536600818751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325600900162437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948596567313028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20282707609075573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ecstatic-Lingonberry,2020/03/14,"FP Rant My fp has been back at home for two months now, they were supposed to be back 15 days ago but things got complicated and they were not able to return.i miss them so much, i just want to hold them and sleep. Before they left, i was staying at their place for a month. Post a traumatic event, I needed a safe place to stay and they took me in. They are a parental figure in my life. At that point though, we had just know each other for almost a month. We had met at pride and developed an intense attachment that very day and they adopted me. Now that they have been gone for so long, they never text or call first. They are there when i need support but I hate rhat being the only parameter in the relationship. It feels very onesided. Like i need them but they don't need me. I feel like a burden. I do not know how to make myself useful in this relationship. I am scared this is going to be like one of those friendships where you stop texting and don't hear from to other person in ages or ever again. I want to test if this is going to happen by not texting or calling them at all waiting for them to do it first but I am scared they will think I only text when i need support if I do that. I miss them so much. I also feel so inferior to them in comparison because of internalised fatphobia and because of school bullying. They are one of those people who have always been seen as cool. On the other hand I am the kid who was bullied and is a loner. I know my staying at their place burnt them out a bit, considering my emotional needs at that time. They have conveyed as much. I am scared they feel resentment and want an out from having me as their child. Initially they used to ask me to tell them what is going on and open up and i would deny saying that It would be a lot for them. They said that that was for them to decide. Now that I did open up and it was a lot, I am scared they will abandon me. I already feel abandoned.",2.1116357142857147,3.8655450350000042,3.2631428571428565,92.02300000000002,77.4,6.171428571428572,20.92857142857143,6.9916214562510826,0.30338214285714304,1514,38,335,16,35,488,182,400,0.158,0.73,0.11199999999999999,-0.9793,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,2,1,31,3,20,20,2,4,16,1,42,3,2,4,3,71,81,33,0,13,14,1,6,3,0,4,1,3,1,3,25,19,0,6,11,0,0,5,6,12,0,5,18,11,68,8,50,55,8,59,0,5,1,0,50,27,0,8,26,258,93,2,0.08072977431317219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071562073972774,0.0,0.08083920758290311,0.0,0.08908731342759392,0.06455957135137969,0.06717363935594202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547144126434599,0.0,0.0,0.1241524265905046,0.0,0.0984242422292703,0.0,0.06869509191167361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813600472175179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648682514072467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412805164880096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081013017175907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302470273306823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20409699775525628,0.05767336689990184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733740957991988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764177348166462,0.0,0.06456697532347773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713890728109642,0.0,0.0,0.07970393859745815,0.0,0.0,0.09098832291222697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097854593957066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310091808958166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771313600339327,0.0,0.057021827060459,0.11832146973301652,0.0,0.0,0.07144330984931206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372671343940198,0.0,0.0,0.0538877512310136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19331320694940254,0.0,0.17803701902119945,0.3591606283797669,0.06226377878303891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940916875517276,0.12279726237624497,0.0,0.0,0.08964086065010611,0.0,0.0,0.05596786068220466,0.07049012503770638,0.2530362951020499,0.0,0.0763157308950359,0.0,0.07731680802124181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17334713067542626,0.0,0.0,0.0767925023041272,0.06419955678971384,0.3232983500419285,0.08170284156188297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078807639069976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581415939387366,0.0,0.06749370616581539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322238239895916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056138105855185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363327486462596,0.051728379654464834,0.07931659337523941,0.0,0.04707418061365835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969374969555705,0.0,0.0,0.07886125900896733,0.0,0.0,0.1394492097147612,0.0,0.13322103702858426,0.14284953757871338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469623084339425,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,law05004,2020/03/14,"Please give me advice or some sympathy I (33F) was diagnosed with BPD about a year ago. I have had a long struggle with mental health, and I finally got this diagnoses. It thankfully, made everything make sense and I’ve bought every self help book and done tons of therapy trying to “fix” myself as quickly as possible (I am VERY uncomfortable all of the time), and I’ve been catapulting forward and changed a lot in the last year at a phenomenal rate but like...this disorder isn’t easy as you all know.....and it’s also not easy on loved ones.... And that brings me to the point of this post...I’ve been with my boyfriend for many years now and he’s gone through hell with all my physical and emotional problems (I’ve had a ton of health scares and I’m erratic and sad a lot). He’s starting to lose it himself. Last year, he was laid off around this time and it’s been very hard for him to find another job in our field (it’s highly specialized). He started drinking and he’s saying he’s going crazy from me. I mean, especially in the last two months he’s actually been so proud of me and so happy with all my progress, but it’s just been so much time you know? And things never seem to go right. I’m terrible at communicating and I get really paranoid. I’ve been getting a lot better but I tend to get very paranoid about him and have “tantrums.” I love him. I want to be “normal”. The idea of losing him terrifies me. I love the idea of being with him and I want so badly to blossom into a happy and vibrant person with real confidence. Or even just, you know, someone mentally healthy. I stopped talking to my family about two years ago (who’s the main cause of all my trauma) besides my brother who lives (deliberately) on the other side of the country (very expensive and difficult to get to), and like a lot of people with BPD I have a lot of trouble connecting with others. I have a couple people I talk to maybe once a month but I really don’t seem to get other people. I feel very much alone. I feel like there isn’t much holding me up at all like I have no one. Which makes the idea of losing him all the more terrifying. I don’t want to be this tornado of negativity. He said that he really misses being a fun guy that doesn’t take anything seriously, and that we are at a point in our lives where things should be light and fun (we don’t have kids and we are physically healthy). He is an extremely social and positive guy...he could be flying around the world on his charisma and burning through women, but instead, he’s hanging out with me all the time and I’m like this hermit that always has a problem that doesn’t help boost him up very much (I’m encouraging and I do a lot around the home but my mental problems and accusatory behavior takes up so much of our time and energy). He always feels blindsided. Like, tonight we were going to watch a funny movie but then st Patrick’s day came up and it turns out he was making plans with a friend and I felt abandoned and unwanted and went off the deep end. And the whole night is ruined. He was literally getting excited about the movie thinkin everything was fine but then he found me highly depressed having a panic attack thinking he doesn’t love me and wants to abandon me. He’s saying that unless someone is dying or he’s done a huge betrayal (like cheating on me or beating up a loved one) that I shouldn’t be have “tantrums” (meltdowns). That I’m immature (definitely true...I was neglected and isolated from others growing up) and that tantrums should have stopped around age 9. That I should have communicated and he would have obliged. I get to points where I don’t make any sense and I’m basically just word vomiting and giving hateful looks. It’s a lot. And it’s not like I don’t completely understand his side of this. I want to be better. I don’t like thinking I’m like this monster that hurts people I love. I withdrawal to protect people and I can’t trust myself to stay emotional consistent for long so I also withdrawal out of embarrassment and the expectation that I’m going to fail the people around me at some point. I don’t really know what I’m asking besides if anyone has any helpful advice or observations. I appreciate the time you took to read this and listening to all of this.",3.5526449728827743,5.2431236950354645,4.744328327075512,83.20720588235295,73.2789598108747,8.191600611875955,26.743776943401475,8.841846274778883,2.0103538311778606,3370,121,674,68,68,1110,334,846,0.184,0.635,0.18100000000000002,-0.754,1,1,1,0,0,0,96.0,7,4,0,10,27,61,7,4,43,0,64,12,0,6,10,157,136,72,1,18,20,1,5,9,1,5,5,4,1,5,41,69,1,7,18,3,2,12,19,32,0,5,27,12,77,29,96,95,28,92,1,12,2,6,69,45,1,17,45,437,118,4,0.0,0.0,0.04538125599005703,0.0,0.0,0.09088646187589318,0.08244608971843022,0.0,0.0,0.04816418309623394,0.0,0.07437856278235143,0.07739020950064272,0.0,0.0,0.06324871338342686,0.048763563523341914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03251672125864664,0.0,0.03826888042887202,0.20699237201777115,0.04347502016240341,0.05290508380082689,0.0,0.0,0.03882894909694031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225812703543857,0.0,0.0,0.11714047567967376,0.0,0.0,0.053188257834546206,0.0,0.047772481564951175,0.04919513112772055,0.0,0.04875862398270058,0.0,0.0,0.03712970924856804,0.05145585982041895,0.0,0.029991272652706208,0.0,0.040053880254220534,0.09440128757519788,0.048263874066498166,0.0,0.05329768370445287,0.0,0.0,0.09517960209980604,0.0,0.04555627624745225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462162041770348,0.0411887955860426,0.0,0.0,0.030715494204836574,0.0,0.03918167773986494,0.0,0.0835897042284503,0.0,0.043839890675543065,0.0,0.07054155275569847,0.033222511016116466,0.04465119210413221,0.05094292656182579,0.04250386996013617,0.0,0.0,0.05098930340338577,0.035928922760514494,0.0,0.17007517021107987,0.0892218670800059,0.10571731994790574,0.0,0.037193546419520884,0.0,0.0,0.09209266500897073,0.0,0.09900887697447808,0.04165850501187452,0.04591313322625579,0.0,0.09886328605422387,0.0,0.0,0.09351207701047412,0.09826818900755227,0.04664736565867214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04978355993819068,0.15749227571293914,0.0,0.0,0.04614810560627367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222966463673704,0.11372105145618312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271953556697313,0.0,0.08212787706294948,0.0823092625272284,0.0390516995344763,0.15607844950663904,0.0,0.276752632175067,0.2518303882905439,0.04400326766222205,0.124167289349576,0.04714781952753032,0.046719580612625065,0.05065655639380437,0.0,0.0,0.1405954691580079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423819685071145,0.0,0.17092918111214586,0.0,0.03586679931682764,0.0,0.0,0.04364091169392747,0.0455641067814498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04952530805021748,0.09453706735749096,0.0,0.0,0.05456249662014211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193440366118058,0.04060555298699951,0.0,0.0510474949091645,0.17584547923229538,0.05242634227517602,0.04453803625987093,0.0,0.0,0.13349431979212145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046516646423509986,0.05293180332216555,0.11916677108217415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03971421465253636,0.044236012060505474,0.07396379290211659,0.04655867852488134,0.0,0.0,0.0846711025189754,0.048513878578811884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04740503457375488,0.07880548124242005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583162854323163,0.049567142278065586,0.0,0.07775895589741083,0.0,0.04861614247000489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993053388918978,0.07475640660662282,0.0,0.0428146920545017,0.05318144749624642,0.0,0.061790464500295066,0.05959585005325008,0.0,0.0,0.16270135434190328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051667723726088015,0.0315732053309357,0.05058306522167627,0.09085542207783573,0.048412368350095526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302243275275888,0.13714650253535618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04310973115943922,0.0,0.05192012420366087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033035151210395075,0.0,0.0,0.14973545540213734 bpd,inglourious-chaotic,2020/03/14,"Does your BPD feel like it circumvents your sexuality? I don't even want to post this because I'm worried I'm the only one and the creeping doubt that I'm lying to myself about who I am is gonna hit me like a tonne of bricks. But for anyone, LGBT+ or otherwise, have you ever started to ""fall for"" a FP even though your sexuality doesn't encompass them on the basis of the gender they are? I've only dated the sex I'm not even attracted to because all my favourite people have been that. It makes me feel fake and gross, I think I told two of them that whilst being with them that it makes me uncomfortable because it's not my sexuality (no clue why I unloaded that on them, like what the fuck is someone even meant to say to that?). Any experience (if anyone else has it and it isn't just me) or comments or anecdotes or anything would be helpeful, I literally just want to finally settle if this is just me or a thing other borderlines experience.",7.700535194880742,5.924235691099478,8.378813263525307,72.78973240255965,63.81675392670157,11.420826061663758,34.8347876672484,10.25414643259724,3.2549262361838283,751,26,152,14,9,254,108,191,0.134,0.8270000000000001,0.039,-0.9452,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,4,5,0,10,8,1,1,9,0,15,2,0,2,2,29,32,12,0,5,13,0,2,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,18,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,4,0,2,3,3,23,4,16,24,1,10,0,0,0,2,14,3,1,8,8,107,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301089027173528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21183522803161048,0.15520810005099306,0.1246542809110691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770205122842118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907824529720728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256026260270418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654123745495655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002017095899525,0.13702139569365054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963509875637647,0.0,0.0,0.15318463173501,0.10821660248125883,0.0,0.1659378013389395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003986174906996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153315684186016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22201491161976775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022267700686464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026460666284046,0.2304131567595296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501644098019404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507497530491445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046215246360603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834763502400906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107217590706808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006358930954523,0.09706160397714507,0.14882731348688685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474464203543275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797293752863133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786924358530741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366862043846178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538342413788819,0.0,0.10760631021265572,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fleedledees,2020/03/14,"Trigger phrases I’ve noticed within the past few years that whenever I’m about to start spiraling into an episode, I tend to say “I’m gonna eat my hands”, or something else to that degree to myself. I’m curious if any of you guys have any phrases or words that you say/repeat to yourself so you can brace yourself from the oncoming mental storm?",8.91,6.432196521739132,8.771304347826089,73.14217391304352,62.04347826086956,11.518840579710146,40.39130434782609,9.725611199111238,3.883643478260869,276,12,52,4,3,90,49,69,0.0,0.9640000000000001,0.036000000000000004,0.3182,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,2,2,1,1,0,6,8,4,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,10,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,3,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3953264541276562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974244541851639,0.24281461198923315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878055913047408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929235253198237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309258032145421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774741195584872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4622994274139308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22376931730650676,0.0,0.0,0.20573528605772493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18717973370452004 bpd,GetOffMyLaundry,2020/03/14,"My diagnosis is ruining my relationship I feel like everytime I bring up an issue I have in our relationship, it comes back to me having BPD and my inability to be a good person. Like it's impossible for us to move forward because of me and my problems. I understand I have a lot of things to fix, but I also deserve to be loved and heard.",2.5456521739130444,4.378855956521743,5.654420289855075,75.0059782608696,76.39130434782608,9.237681159420287,28.89130434782609,9.725611199111238,3.0351913043478262,267,12,53,8,6,98,47,69,0.075,0.768,0.157,0.765,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,9,12,5,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,1,2,14,4,10,9,1,7,0,1,0,1,7,3,0,1,4,43,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18169345731197334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470440980876864,0.0,0.13850030661305712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861531229057204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19571451287455144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488022108236652,0.1623132435287018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19056636295525767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371399895808789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219989637479354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931591218876932,0.2050587884155899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414799025057479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19838413199409294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174017493500693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4878601085515963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094299626121968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365254248842996,0.2732961817683533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ttomgirl,2020/03/14,"anyone else trying not to spiral literally everywhere i look i see people freaking out about the virus and i'm so sick of it i can't stand it. i'm trying not to get paranoid and irrational about it but it's so fucking difficult when it's all anyone talks about 24/7. i'm so close to snapping and going full delusional especially with all the conspiracy theories going around. all i want is some peace, quiet, and normalcy. even if it's fake. i don't care. i want to browse my subreddits without every top comment somehow mentioning or relating to covid... i'm trying to limit the time i spend online but i just moved to a new area infected with the virus so it's impossible to meet anyone in person. plus my job requires me to be on or near my phone constantly. i don't know how much more i can take of this",1.9440562973655733,4.308155711656443,4.075792132804042,82.91889209671601,80.84049079754601,7.516275712739084,23.69866474197041,8.4952907291091,1.8312817755322983,643,23,125,15,17,220,100,163,0.17300000000000001,0.772,0.054000000000000006,-0.9669,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,13,5,1,0,5,0,6,3,0,1,3,30,21,16,0,3,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,8,10,0,2,1,0,1,3,6,4,0,0,0,3,14,1,23,20,7,17,0,0,2,1,6,9,1,5,4,83,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021583293272003,0.19643641835701395,0.0,0.1706685120597874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954679560581931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071776474437795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601547048894311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266270742737906,0.0,0.1615295910347539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17723900273349613,0.10016406455426577,0.0,0.21791404096896527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902492454534621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536248619843493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609937455178965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20376451480871927,0.14093383598456125,0.0,0.0,0.18516118651568664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291222254490878,0.1673996302883346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527733907249076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414710129257674,0.15409462385156636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179155132208148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904891703685328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261589573929183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848080603612103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,finchooo,2020/03/14,"i’m becoming more and more convinced that i may have bpd and i’m not sure where to go from here hello, first time posting here so i’m sorry if this violates any of the rules. <3 over the past few months my mood swings have been genuinely CRAZY and i’ve been so attention seeking that it makes me feel ill and embarrassed to look back on. one minute i’ll be in genuine hysterics totally unable to stop crying and the next i’ll be happy-go-lucky. the attention seeking and mood swings are what made me look into bpd at all. ive been talking to a girl romantically over the last few months and it seems to be that all of this has started since then (though i can pinpoint some things from before her). i’m so terrified that she’ll leave me and find someone better than me and it’s eating me up. i feel genuinely sick and have a sore chest from how much i worry about it and i’ve gone into crying fits where i essentially demand her attention because she spent more time with her SISTER than me. i have this thing that she secretly hates me and is too afraid to tell me, and slight changes in the way she speaks to me makes me feel so so so low. sometimes i hate her and want to push her away, and it makes me feel like such an awful person and i hate myself but i can’t handle that her world doesn’t revolve around me, and i feel like i’m a fake when i try to rationalise it all. i fit a whole lot of the criteria but this is just what sticks out to me and i would be here forever if i tried to go through it all. i’m scared and confused because i can’t possibly explain this to her because she’ll think i’m mental, and i’m worried my doctor (who i see regularly as i’m on a waiting list to see if i have ocd + i’m on 150mg of sertraline) isn’t going to take me seriously. i want to curl up and die",2.571080280172413,3.6620026328124986,4.0168462643678176,89.84812500000002,74.75520833333334,7.484051724137932,23.91846264367816,7.990435384864732,1.0229169540229883,1417,41,324,21,29,470,186,384,0.163,0.792,0.044000000000000004,-0.9891,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,21,18,4,4,13,1,26,6,1,5,6,66,65,37,1,6,7,1,5,2,0,4,4,1,0,2,23,26,1,2,13,0,1,5,5,11,0,2,6,10,48,5,43,51,14,41,0,1,4,0,22,21,0,8,15,212,71,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967794877470103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121326346529188,0.0,0.0,0.0962668020622685,0.0787872645797393,0.0,0.1873803926319138,0.1131616759176954,0.08718795967840519,0.0,0.0,0.09061967042921684,0.0,0.0,0.2580956236808177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839163813188987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251002805759736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063397993406542,0.0,0.0,0.10487461290394734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484461976513833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590403523100156,0.1463983247668386,0.0,0.0,0.09364878162359422,0.08715446908628313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23292698332924575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034812353223312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835205352972483,0.0,0.10849289216329024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011591071102234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17208522824695144,0.0,0.0,0.08710987237708502,0.0,0.09695240475488216,0.2051833522923549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032580045126388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356902775022994,0.0,0.07532165692245991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896992979834348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943117716575037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781195913926057,0.0,0.08946621961603185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551096602865753,0.09813066046824062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258274180560688,0.0,0.16329854137118602,0.09327792501089098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475795997675782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868160629906793,0.0,0.10133793819521256,0.11469827332971373,0.07252341741061218,0.0,0.0,0.08566315828352858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965696038274774,0.0,0.07703897672320457,0.0823553996828317,0.08955665791226859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361429376156986,0.06565377167471696,0.10066879237778073,0.0,0.1194933043110216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391304939511078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086996199093525,0.08132988761047406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439561569284805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081110912121459,0.0,0.07278635250169563,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,borntobesomebody123,2020/03/14,"I’ve been through hell. I can’t go on in this unhealthy way. Please tell me how to make this better. I’m 22 and have been in intense pain and cycling for years. Is there any hope for me? I have been cycling for years. I started when I was and had my first psychotic breakdown. I didnt address the pain or deal with it. “Focus on school, work hard” I thought. I had intrusive thoughts that I would scream and yell at. 16, I would cry and scream on the floor every night for months then I would find a support group or something to escape into, be “just fine” (feel nothing) for a few days. Then back to crying on the floor. i thought doing good and focusing on school would help get rid of my pain. It didn’t last. 17, I changed schools thinking it would save me from these painful feelings. It didn’t. I started breaking things at home and got arrested and went to a detention centre for 3 months (I got PTSD from this experience.) i started disassociating heavily. I then had a boyfriend in jail who told me he could save me from my sadness. I felt better for a few months because of him. Then one day I felt so overloaded with pain, I went to the bus stop and told him I was gonna kill myself. Back in a cop car. 18, I took a year off, got a job. I thought this would save me from my pain. I was a nervous mess. I started smoking weed all day and night for months. 19, i quit and had a psychotic breakdown. Partly because I ran out of weed (my friend supplied it) I shaved my head and eyebrows off and eyelashes off and cut my face open. i started transitioning genders Male to Female and hormone therapy. I thought this would save me from my pain. I felt happier but was still unstable. i still dont know what my gender identity is. I remember writing notes in my phone “cut yourself so your boy you’re sleeping with will see it and feel bad for you and want to date you” what. The. Fuck. I got a job at 19 and escaped into that. I quit and my life fell apart again. I started my 20th birthday then I had more psychotic meltdowns. I found a job and escaped into that. I thought it would save me. I quit. Again. 21, I started college finally. I got sexually assaulted my first month. I made friends. I felt nothing for the last 10 years. Maybe finally I’d be happy. 22, I got a bad grade and dropped out of my program because I had a psychotic breakdown for months once again. Now Im stuck at my house all day every day having mental breakdowns. The stress is too much to bear. I’m pretty sure It’s killing me slow. I feel like I’m dying. i suppress it every day with the internet and food. I self harm. I scream and cry. I hate who I’ve become. I’m numb and in intense pain. I’m 22 and emotionally the same place I was when I was 13. I’ve been living the same year and feelings over and over again like its groundhog day. No one seems to get it. Does this cycling make sense to you? Is there any hope for me? Please go easy on me.",0.3968558708959371,2.757553375626045,1.84633589315526,96.05040311630495,88.69949916527545,4.864115748469672,22.34392877017251,6.42735559955562,0.3841770105731777,2268,86,503,25,75,727,256,599,0.174,0.713,0.113,-0.991,3,0,1,0,0,1,79.0,0,4,0,8,18,45,8,2,24,0,41,15,3,4,3,91,100,40,3,12,4,0,10,2,2,10,10,4,2,3,26,37,1,2,21,0,0,8,6,27,0,4,44,15,85,18,62,43,9,94,1,1,1,1,22,31,2,5,54,305,111,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719673017460627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759816649637412,0.08250534361428788,0.09035390611462872,0.05456600500206277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739272107497482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05226591618162501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039447364544989726,0.0,0.1628133765640918,0.22304340179598275,0.0509363123899579,0.0,0.0,0.05127652958198306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043236283923433816,0.0,0.05790448239035925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055576077532358464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488225385296038,0.0,0.0,0.04832939822131716,0.0,0.0,0.12490798713660725,0.0705925540315523,0.1897533687116605,0.1082456197876359,0.04515698309582083,0.08405091489760436,0.05974298199176021,0.054172081601366585,0.07634324870978912,0.04567585416851529,0.05162609961629803,0.0,0.05615812435785751,0.04144013754224751,0.2370911187873235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05259453066351312,0.04425885003842503,0.0487790543053779,0.05070570137580308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033116382773125626,0.0,0.04955911789888421,0.09814433761518628,0.0,0.05700889322007935,0.0,0.0,0.05336789667577528,0.0,0.14708608134184906,0.0,0.10932276040757308,0.0,0.027152723047467287,0.08054638480468032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034897532640409575,0.048275401016656935,0.0,0.043627170416547394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04674997396348788,0.06595893728584537,0.0,0.049635840546915465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049790503233954016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23661654833284199,0.0,0.0363197334704011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272999910347828,0.0,0.09481444644479688,0.0,0.0,0.05261670291520498,0.06695874605605785,0.0,0.42057913564265065,0.0,0.0,0.05350282435698495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051619662286919686,0.10846781090094207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050264547763652995,0.0,0.0,0.05775398580923988,0.0,0.0,0.15765086006795892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055968351172842296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000716710797055,0.03937087778626794,0.044978157856448,0.05154213950284479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04944254995216306,0.0,0.0,0.03803582148222663,0.0,0.0,0.2447930527337422,0.0,0.07891277865369319,0.04130635469548204,0.056595401399221576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056066329332466434,0.04656538923415995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04318378111652479,0.0,0.05650106044112292,0.0,0.032823728328028726,0.03165792663067739,0.0,0.2353412106457869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944207610420364,0.05489284926494308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029141451366421357,0.03921687283420988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916013249173766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03596878899385714,0.0,0.0,0.28077777692709965,0.0,0.0,0.1590820185263358 bpd,takenusernamehere,2020/03/14,"Picked up my monthly medication after not having it for 5 days. $170 for a month. How is this even worth it? I have no healthcare coverage, even though I'm in Canada. I live with my father and can't have a job due to my mental illnesses. He pays for everything, and I'm finding it really hard to continue taking my medication because it costs so much, but god damn I'm a mess without them. Blah, this really fucking sucks. I'm so worried I'll end up in the psych ward again and it's giving me constant panic attacks, and now my doctor is telling me I can't have anxiety medication anymore since I tried to overdose on it.",3.1295275590551204,4.6018262440944895,5.158275590551185,80.70040551181104,73.96062992125984,8.229606299212598,28.44803149606299,8.841846274778883,2.3170226771653537,491,20,97,10,10,170,84,127,0.205,0.715,0.081,-0.9564,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,8,6,4,1,4,0,8,6,0,2,0,11,16,9,0,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,1,0,3,0,5,6,0,0,0,1,12,0,14,16,1,15,0,0,0,1,5,5,3,0,10,62,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274342337307913,0.0,0.16520388162584118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18951027004509435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154641049051533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001519940565128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074311535127286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705030127602209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754158227457756,0.0,0.0,0.22005074685227624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971252555766285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225228457120565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400172177448404,0.0,0.1597999559731834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922411925849485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530623008629966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709433425173593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5034393844986449,0.1678747637155831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659271987131661,0.0,0.12245641796202315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19544725621729506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21343248460965286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377977675558457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524840156789285,0.0,0.14559939306535016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16366527528511846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309776374196608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057842266368388,0.0,0.0,0.1691713898052083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ash_kat0,2020/03/14,"Do People with BPD fall out of love suddenly? My ex and I had a messy breakup. It started with me panicking because I guess I have relationship anxiety and I’m more open with my feelings. My ex really isn’t and when I opened up, he got overwhelmed and broke up with me. The process of us being friends again was a long time, with us sort of digging at each other and I will admit i was sort of an a**hole during it. Eventually we talked again and now we are friends again he finally told me he has intimacy problems that are new and unexplored. He apparently fell out of love with me for a long while, thinking it was splitting. I miss him and our relationship a lot and I’m wondering if there was still something I could have done, or if I did something so badly. He told me he has issues opening up as well. I wanted to know if this is an actual thing, I wanna learn more. Thank you so much. TL;DR: my ex broke up with me because he lost all intimacy, he says it might be borderline related. Can people with personality disorders fall out of love so sudden?",2.1659422252313263,4.439495298578198,3.9873392010832767,84.3712638230648,79.42654028436019,7.431369893929138,25.687429474159327,8.418075326091056,1.8805543218235163,832,33,168,18,21,280,120,211,0.10300000000000001,0.777,0.12,0.6967,1,0,2,0,0,0,23.0,5,1,0,1,11,14,0,1,7,0,22,3,0,0,1,46,41,19,0,7,4,3,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,8,26,0,0,6,0,0,3,1,7,1,0,11,2,28,7,26,25,6,29,0,5,0,3,31,11,0,10,15,122,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.128589611254636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080455110232242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002338654742308,0.16065291132323428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659611209651478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520852219949822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102112708889634,0.0,0.0,0.1348476123717969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662744083990013,0.0,0.0,0.14434882816363442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036120909295528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538940738694702,0.0,0.14516075185259966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375348208569887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241796501406893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23322660072147494,0.0,0.0,0.1438437505047316,0.11202709957384263,0.3567857590750694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397883416025657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686693976076743,0.0,0.0,0.12726537509567296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18270701517182544,0.11505746501422973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260871719852208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441595783116028,0.0,0.0,0.2829457517962424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478968870193256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20288770187549846,0.0,0.0,0.0932682815619788,0.0,0.1052325918420025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591264008256296,0.0,0.12131714927593848,0.0,0.0,0.0875428812622242,0.08443361717904024,0.0,0.0,0.07683680353996092,0.0,0.0,0.2518259166047715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31700888126749144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772202448437451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847806780343426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290016571394132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SeaAnybody2,2020/03/14,Corona virus and bpd Is it bad that i still fèel true depression outside this virus that yeah it is killing a lot of pèople but if its me... mah i dont care?....?,-1.834607843137256,-0.096736617647057,0.1552941176470597,104.04215686274513,106.35294117647058,3.443137254901962,14.490196078431374,5.46131890053228,-1.099298039215686,121,3,30,1,6,39,29,34,0.212,0.691,0.09699999999999999,-0.6322,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,5,4,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,19,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29478102548794943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4446526412650378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599568107981786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30408043922674816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4137705984033514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3905962209281315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001494894049997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281945251017788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,skeletonsmama,2020/03/14,"Currently having a real bad flare up - so goddamn frustrating Just venting, I wasn't asymptomatic but I certainly wasn't this bad. My mood wasn't so affected by my relationships, I could keep distance there. My FP was definitely my FP but it wasn't this completely debilitating constant need. I could get by without seeing him every two days or every day. Now when I don't see him for a day I feel completely abandoned. It isn't fair, he has a life outside of me which is allowed. But fuck I wish we could just spend everyday together. All day. Or talk all day. Anything. If I don't hear from him for an hour the abandonment feelings start rising and the longer it goes the worse it gets, the longer it takes to recover. And when we are together I feel like I initiate fights constantly, arguing over little things or constantly making an argument or big deal out of shit that isn't. I'm barely communicating anymore because my head's so wrapped up in everything else. It wasn't like this 2 months ago. What the fuck happened and why can't I just go back to how it was before. Fuck. Worst of all I might be switching meds again soon because hey in spite of all this shit I'm not actually suicidal which is fucking astounding, and I'm terrified a switch might undo all of that. Fucking fuck.",3.5649040202825053,5.687509418326695,4.749585295182907,81.33126675117711,74.33864541832668,8.707062658457081,28.938971387178555,9.339509955726095,2.744113944223108,1028,44,197,26,22,338,143,251,0.282,0.636,0.08199999999999999,-0.9965,2,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,2,0,0,0,14,21,12,0,11,0,23,10,3,4,6,45,48,18,1,7,13,0,3,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,17,7,0,3,3,0,1,2,12,17,0,1,7,6,23,3,19,35,6,30,0,2,2,6,13,8,8,7,22,127,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0919077437762862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834863857763037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340292931675036,0.0,0.0,0.07750350624567813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724199062854334,0.15727555471298293,0.11482456838268043,0.0,0.08014168156247904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19749542061454506,0.3053308453872926,0.0,0.2255892480049299,0.0,0.0,0.3036969936545598,0.09709718710603736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867671704289768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870427205582496,0.0,0.08464443029350258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428632772454027,0.06728341830695639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5224167298733741,0.09841209186134324,0.0,0.053525624966266935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328455761603969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665758557739357,0.0,0.1061496097874288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274999340357623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371301364907892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652331308131619,0.09202483307483103,0.09439479601177757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286700955035908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461462608503364,0.0,0.0,0.19982377981498695,0.0,0.0,0.07517492658272402,0.0,0.0,0.06983452992148878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719938245905414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111588877573564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501012267113335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19335230315392093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666228508365461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030194827867493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081290998462816,0.07569967505463839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257013005936958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200182620381424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498432639292182,0.0,0.10830429573744628,0.09078778848441578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959791884945114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,NyxiSky,2020/03/14,"Breakup....need some skills Hey, so I’m going through a breakup right now and I’m sure we all know how hard they are for us. Things were really happy and healthy and good. We had a really bad week with fighting (which minus one night felt like most normal people argue)...And then I ruined it by having an episode. I accused him of cheating with a mutual friend, he blocked my number, and I called him on every form of social media possible. Apparently that was it for him. He only saw the behavior once. He made the choice to end a happy 8 month relationship over 5 days because of one night. I’m devastated. He was the first person I truly felt safe with. He helped my not spiral. He was the first relationship I didn’t have to question if it was right. He was my best friend before and during our entire relationship. I’m currently just feeling so sad I can’t do anything but scream and cry. Trying not to go back to self injury. Everything just hurts so terribly and I’m so tired of ruining everything good in my life because I’m so broken. I never asked to be this damaged. I’ve made such improvements and it’s still never enough. I’m in mild crisis and I need some coping skills because nothing is helping right now. Distraction isn’t helping. I just want him back. It’s so hard to not call. TLDR; Happy relationship ended and blindsided me. Need help coping. Thanks in advance. I appreciate this community so much more than I could ever explain.",1.9078035043804784,4.589200535460996,3.5035711305798927,84.71647058823531,84.42553191489361,6.296370463078848,22.12390488110137,7.618777277803332,1.2649679599499375,1149,39,214,21,34,379,164,282,0.235,0.63,0.136,-0.9903,2,0,0,0,2,0,38.0,4,0,1,6,18,23,2,1,9,0,17,2,0,3,5,47,39,21,0,6,8,0,5,1,2,0,2,1,0,2,10,15,0,2,6,0,0,3,8,11,0,4,13,7,25,12,23,24,9,30,0,5,1,0,36,8,0,5,20,133,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538527382931229,0.0,0.08564076771906377,0.0,0.0,0.14088122539165684,0.07648854440928182,0.16752948251957928,0.0,0.07795134571819358,0.0,0.09613655570775324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187083264695602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314123819505093,0.0,0.10062667974547247,0.059079342695065686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227433879203826,0.09465516982109017,0.0,0.0,0.08286434576771258,0.07718337909052464,0.0,0.16466206149628626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04631957011578517,0.0,0.17591538115840555,0.0,0.0,0.15584280617850424,0.0,0.0,0.14155165504398476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412545420013476,0.15367226712224893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925540759988881,0.16412488541319492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456106529302025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806786234872623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05034515757812005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470517806989849,0.04475486062819089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17336270854678393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312033609902799,0.0,0.06734214839396091,0.1358517934449269,0.1413069030281918,0.0,0.0,0.17193510974653453,0.08975602703851719,0.08789999144102002,0.0,0.0,0.09755913596129036,0.12415140151992955,0.06967173044215519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350919601004053,0.07998824884895732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032738382725634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262151073951964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117372386763203,0.0,0.0,0.3934092447219151,0.0,0.2346972458780486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556673673752254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933824421352653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315797147310549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633910693163241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843399976240545,0.0,0.0,0.06086003868146661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528949440019056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219556733480969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101926992699589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05403255351342943,0.0,0.07348211491885141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,EhManana,2020/03/14,"How do I stop overthinking and feeling like everyone I know hates me? I feel like I'm in a viscous feedback loop right now. I have wicked bad paranoia and anxiety, (prob borderline as well). Constantly I feel like everyone I talk to or interact with secretly hate me but are too afraid to tell me/can't tell me in the situation. It's hard enough to try and make friends without feeling like it's all a charade, I just want to be chill, and to, well, chill out. Like i tell myself that if my friend really, actually hated me) wanted nothing to do with me, he'd block me/change their number or something, and they haven't done that and we do talk fine, but I'm always just freaking out thinking that it's all some ruse that they're being nice..... like I'm nice to them cause they're cool and I value my friendship, but idk if they do back, and that's scary.",2.989611890999172,4.576526924855493,3.9622336911643257,88.66475433526014,74.5491329479769,7.4862097440132125,25.65194054500413,8.192908349453996,1.4428483897605284,670,23,143,11,14,216,99,173,0.172,0.589,0.239,0.9068,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,4,0,8,20,3,1,3,1,11,0,0,3,2,40,26,17,0,4,10,0,5,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,8,13,0,2,7,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,1,6,23,14,15,22,4,9,0,0,0,0,15,5,0,5,10,86,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.1194981340295749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189212953373199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936775190537188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416011439439634,0.10224456908883987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257947203185541,0.12954084775421118,0.0,0.0,0.1323300401986666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253136851379368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652845109200314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340214488631376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24766712576081176,0.34992668118949743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892164125433149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969536886487666,0.3626960269141251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729790692238588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589511194048956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173947074115565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749859821765946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844762375995791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457565446112577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764422627370368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427161943767312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023776218959704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968489170552017,0.3210924455410355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846403456561513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313871090756256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445392296104084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22020298355057705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180419719905978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,-lugia-,2020/03/14,"3 years later It’s been 3 or so years since I was diagnosed with BPD and tbh I’m at a loss. I always felt that the people ‘helping me’ (doctors etc) just didn’t really care during my treatment. I felt so isolated and alone and as If they were just trying to get rid of me to make room for the next person. During my treatment, my family and very close friends were informed of my situation, but none were advised on what to do/deal with going forward and since then, have done nothing to acknowledge my situation. 3 years later I still feel the same as before I was diagnosed. It seems like the people that know have just forgotten about everything because I am not in hospital/high risk anymore. I thought that the people that knew about this would be more aware but it that is not the case at all. If I am ever in a ‘bad way’ so to speak, i get nothing but negativity from people saying that I am a bad person or that I am hurting them or I am stupid for how I feel. I am at a point where I have no idea what to do. I thought the whole point of getting treatment was getting help, yet everyone who is aware has failed me or ‘forgets’. I feel so alone and feel like nothing will get better. Have any of you dealt with this? Am I overreacting? Or do you have any advice?",3.791666666666668,4.674395996124034,4.9100775193798425,85.38899224806205,71.59689922480621,7.903875968992247,26.73643410852713,8.167268648758528,1.531262015503876,989,32,209,14,18,326,132,258,0.13,0.794,0.077,-0.9333,0,2,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,2,3,14,12,1,1,11,0,29,3,0,2,2,46,49,24,0,3,15,0,6,2,1,2,3,2,1,2,15,10,0,0,14,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,14,8,30,5,26,32,6,24,0,3,0,0,14,12,0,8,13,150,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031539705817108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21264373379959686,0.0,0.0,0.08541898797945394,0.0,0.0,0.13962078984086473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101808326458968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17142889559635205,0.062578857156451,0.0,0.08735368943102641,0.0,0.0,0.09079192329094506,0.0,0.0,0.12929311018219258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046658251415157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583503317776753,0.0,0.20838973044940093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507396203101636,0.0,0.1050539252976828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144898791993178,0.0,0.09285928624332278,0.0,0.09809332388502576,0.09226164377597153,0.0,0.09677604231330288,0.0,0.20762619581196445,0.07333830176824525,0.19713396132256147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931267381747115,0.0,0.2681706679067933,0.0,0.05834243465754702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376178724006878,0.10846293490818246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989662220514902,0.11588744788937565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056417695152230635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030621433983516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852445719445124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917706343898884,0.0,0.0,0.29550696588692626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28467821989020176,0.17927255992073698,0.0,0.0,0.19408841213512945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576481089984669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163710083726093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345523077070113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698381414114197,0.23078191737316406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198214746116947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629966499217516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969747889398413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470291523328348,0.0,0.08148448214628053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461306265639275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292470720386783,0.0,0.0,0.19832355251583092 bpd,givemeanewbrain,2020/03/15,"Looking for help in Florida I’m new to Orange Park, Florida. I’m currently diagnosed with anxiety and depression by a family doctor that diagnosed based on the sheet she had me fill out. My bf/fp has told me he thinks I have bipolar disorder but upon researching I found that I probably have bpd. I have never done talk therapy or any counseling but I know I need it. My antidepressants (fluoxetine) and anti-anxiety’s (hydroxyzine) aren’t working. They did before but then I moved to AZ and didn’t have access to a dr or my meds. Now I have the same meds again and they’re not working. So I’m not only having issues with my mood swings but even if I’m not having them I’m just in this depressed empty state. I guess where I’m going with this is, I wanna know if anyone is in the area and can point me in the direction of affordable help. I don’t have insurance and I’m working on getting my license switched to FL. I don’t have any money, I’ve tried applying to a bunch of places and am struggling with hearing back and if I do hear back but it’s not something I wanted I get to anxious to call them back.. I really need to find a dr and therapist. I want to get better I just don’t know if I can do it on my own...",1.75289002557545,3.5511578235294152,4.143324808184143,85.10409207161126,78.6078431372549,8.042625745950554,24.420289855072465,8.841846274778883,1.8630136402387047,955,34,202,23,23,333,133,255,0.083,0.871,0.046,-0.8207,3,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,3,4,10,5,0,1,8,0,25,6,0,0,1,45,50,22,0,9,17,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,7,14,0,0,6,0,1,3,10,3,0,0,6,3,32,1,27,44,3,26,0,2,1,0,12,13,0,7,9,138,39,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082523490268338,0.0,0.1809186184393382,0.13358645338790875,0.0,0.08268167137226258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727759762492551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062024171595864,0.0,0.0,0.10458064595663094,0.0,0.0,0.1489290730989956,0.0,0.12074431263018337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20369346208193034,0.2400382306175916,0.0,0.0,0.13552232200479172,0.12103172203118355,0.0,0.12100864228533252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810161355692087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147358323734123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807642566849704,0.0,0.0,0.12965270372634113,0.0,0.0,0.18533891998151333,0.0,0.06720299870305006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302633779407946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665479232935472,0.0,0.15851813100952908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342007133929395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19495783727911212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992984428459038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626934887932018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567878933848226,0.0,0.1753586184822545,0.09120005952322947,0.11420454525957832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993284584466857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354387321108501,0.0,0.11178247347367856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274912210149937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575262375576955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103299980074472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361836493656808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950431717093312,0.0,0.0,0.13522676317854848,0.13729490973513495,0.0,0.07576847078244665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129909225852046,0.0,0.08028255267733121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394913338560316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25825760825285665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shitcup1234,2020/03/15,"Extreme jealousy I found it so difficult to have healthy relationships with friends that I've slowly pushed them away and every time I see them online I get jealous of everything about them. I get jealous of how they express themselves, how they hang out with friends and have fun, how they pretty much are comfortable with who they are. I feel like such an asshole for it tbh but I get so angry and self hating when I see them. Anyone else get this and know how to deal with it??",4.5593087557603695,6.12384247311828,4.309708141321046,87.82741935483875,70.50537634408602,7.034715821812598,28.3394777265745,7.447530270364453,1.4940058371735798,382,14,75,4,7,116,58,93,0.17600000000000002,0.6890000000000001,0.135,-0.8096,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,8,0,10,9,3,0,1,0,4,0,0,4,0,17,14,12,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,3,15,5,12,13,1,6,0,0,2,0,15,2,0,0,3,52,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696915084009382,0.2153636378609784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974796388909645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166957990476153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558607591211844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770934363312197,0.0,0.18890446782304604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627795696232076,0.15015918099417627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304615697110235,0.3247832539271156,0.0,0.4392606524955676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20751828417745452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551446779350152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268780862619864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545132204567801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21383794449083815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256645013901274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349871013741986,0.0,0.2192731389482088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225629920165264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ThrowawayRArep,2020/03/15,"I haven't been to therapy for 2 weeks now and I NEED IT Hey all! This post is half-venting anf half-help post now. So today I checked in with my therapist if I can go tomorrow to my appointment, as the emergency situation has been called in my country. (I am in through public health insurance, so every not life-saving appoinment is being cancelled) The previous week she was ill. So here I am, without a therapist for an uncertain time. I really feel like losing it. I've already stepped back to self-harm (cutting) 2 weeks ago, which I could resist for 2 years before. I am so ashamed by it. Now I am a mom of a one year old wonderful little boy, and supposed to keep my shit together with my relationship too... But I am falling apart. I feel like my mind wanders back by years, daydreamimg about things that happened 2-4-5 years ago, and I dont like it. I am trying not to get anxious because of the covid-19, but I know I am just supressing my fear of the future. The days go by normally, but if I catch myself reading one too many news, I feel like that we are im a shitty thriller, and this is not real. Anyone in the same situation, do you have any tips? Any online health professionals?",2.8529079497907968,4.578426037656907,4.4253117154811745,84.61955753138078,75.23430962343096,7.959916317991632,27.849581589958163,8.697196308434329,2.123918661087865,929,38,190,19,20,311,141,239,0.102,0.833,0.065,-0.8599,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,1,1,0,1,14,10,2,3,11,0,22,4,1,0,1,32,33,14,0,5,10,1,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,10,7,0,1,5,1,1,5,6,6,0,2,3,3,29,4,24,28,2,33,0,1,0,0,9,6,1,4,24,125,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19129924667146656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907379845620013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675567106349158,0.0,0.0,0.1218998350836998,0.0,0.07544838454133056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594170879000755,0.0,0.06577675278050463,0.0,0.09181762491770412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018117049768368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615187733753554,0.0,0.0,0.06958859886230262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264616767616564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091304949159748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214210316488644,0.16367720952306153,0.23125807488102856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056374937246899126,0.0,0.12264768247486653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541839057450774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293919846317585,0.0,0.0,0.07232520041432179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655390775041345,0.0,0.0,0.09590926891107787,0.0,0.0,0.059300743974861785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621517903915502,0.2108640957275616,0.10814729371052248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071601339429006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939684815400776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089514119329144,0.12637485374844018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800088112655406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572216744684647,0.0,0.0,0.11322619443880365,0.0,0.14623592078800532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066827623684175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107932340380131,0.12281739661728247,0.06912551466705592,0.0,0.0,0.11584759101408093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256650808950476,0.0,0.1107610228649897,0.0,0.2425753012285652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339664473688025,0.2505677249465661,0.07168605176276821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291918881847579,0.0,0.10227956018150462,0.0,0.0,0.07325914928699583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259660171493512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401477667611957,0.11701635276994404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779443383307929 bpd,louise105,2020/03/15,"How to navigate sharing my struggles with my FP Hi r/BPD - I’ve been a lurker for a month or two, have never really made a post to reddit due to fear of not saying the right thing, not getting the right reaction etc. I’m having difficulty knowing what details of my inner thoughts and self loathing I can share with my partner, as well as what destructive behaviours and thought patterns I can share. I’m very concerned that the more I share, the less he will understand and the more likely he will be to leave me. I also have fear that I will slowly push him away because I don’t think I deserve him; I can’t bear to drag him down with me. For transparency purposes, I’m currently in the process of being diagnosed with suspected BPD. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this; I would love to become more involved in this community as I think it’s a really positive and productive place. Note - this account is a throwaway as my partner is on the subreddit.",7.108315789473683,6.408947410526313,7.470526315789478,75.34368421052635,64.3684210526316,11.178947368421056,36.368421052631575,10.577609850970193,3.7558526315789473,768,33,147,17,10,252,115,190,0.122,0.765,0.113,-0.228,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,5,12,1,3,13,0,16,2,0,2,1,22,30,12,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,4,1,1,0,3,9,8,0,0,7,1,1,1,5,4,1,1,4,1,21,8,26,20,6,16,0,0,0,1,17,9,0,1,6,104,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121972910771109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433007584660386,0.0,0.0,0.09297685117675622,0.16845011614496838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38419577505341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548080440836315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010391277914902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432624662095113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968718322102156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382287379889945,0.0,0.0,0.16150026179447874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451523075487539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765832667986905,0.14432133236849715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174272561271432,0.0,0.11212225122971853,0.0,0.1176354516426537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935449383305508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607525930669546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256467862087505,0.0,0.1954207958900774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605083066384761,0.0,0.12129273240116033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911517409577902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945057784677893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146786177517546,0.0,0.0,0.14042305788934606,0.0,0.0,0.10132977206153,0.19546167683138602,0.0,0.242173090892285,0.08893762321255116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899320282107986,0.15878224219695206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584778153096313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137136857180333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834824982264134,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Clarical-error,2020/03/15,"I'm 99% sure I have BPD and I'm not sure what to do now I'm sorry if this doesn't make any sense I'm still trying to figure this out. Sorry in advance for the ramble I've tried to make it make sense but I'm currently crying my eyes out and I'm afraid I sound dumb. Since I was maybe 16 (I'm 24 now) I've had a really strong suspicion that I might have BPD. Several loved ones have suggested I look into it and the more I read about it, and the more I talk to folks with a diagnosis, the more certain I get. I think I've had maybe 2 relationships in my life that could be considered healthy, and all the rest ended because they thought I was over whelming needy and too intense. I've lost track of the number of times I've been told I'm too intense to be around and if I could just dial it back 50% I'd be delightful. So to say that whatever's going on is impacting my life is an understatement. I've tried bringing it up with my doctor and my therapist but I always feel like I have to downplay my symptoms because I feel like I'm unfairly taking up their time by complaining. Which makes no sense but oh well. I figured I was just stuck being lonely and unlovable and I've tried to cope in other ways. But now I really think I have to start figuring out the truth and fixing shit. I was dating someone until recently who I'm absolutely wild about. And he broke up with me because of how intense I am. Which I've been told all my life, he wasn't the first one to bring it up. He's sorta given me a second chance after we talked about how I want to work on myself and mellow out. But I don't know where to even begin! Even if things don't work out with him I want to be someone that can have a stable healthy relationship. In college I was lucky enough to find an out patient DBT group that genuinely saved my life, and right now I'm doing EMDR with my current therapist. I'm also on Welbutran which has never helped even half as much as I need no matter how much I raise the dosage. I'm at my wits end. I'm so tired of ruining every good thing that comes into my life, I'm so tired of being people's ""crazy ex"" story. I want so badly to find stability and be someone I can be proud of. And someone that people will enjoy being around. It hit me after the breakup that I'm so fucking lonely, I can't seem to keep people in my life very long and I'm exhausted with being this person. What are you supposed to do to figure this out? How do I talk to my doctor? For how emotionally intense I am I also have a bad habit of shying away when someone tries to help or wants to know the extent of my issues.",2.716761664899259,3.742126092391306,4.432108518911278,87.26637327677625,74.30797101449275,7.3418875927889715,23.24602332979852,7.765008861874849,0.9433655355249208,2041,54,447,27,41,691,246,552,0.141,0.72,0.139,-0.8624,2,4,0,0,1,0,40.0,1,1,2,7,33,28,3,1,18,0,47,16,2,9,7,91,99,42,0,10,12,1,2,2,0,2,12,2,0,1,28,36,0,1,14,1,0,5,9,14,1,5,16,6,55,14,72,68,10,57,0,5,2,2,25,28,3,8,25,292,83,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165454236006354,0.06063221989908137,0.0,0.0,0.049552907569865925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973637981956598,0.0,0.0,0.06846211790853106,0.05603118501702972,0.12168388716282623,0.1332594233868397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835500155981355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276954367319831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635873377132733,0.0,0.08004234907516454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916747955535864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196697148509123,0.12907927901812988,0.0752923793545873,0.0,0.1443863722003087,0.0,0.061394641933840574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368875152389294,0.1041141822215689,0.0,0.0,0.13320051756487533,0.061981694738140726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736552132539461,0.03807065218548182,0.0,0.04141270473088544,0.061118429422910625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097684101612738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605551940953824,0.0,0.06476864713988363,0.0,0.0,0.08009296713962903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088139922618002,0.07119949075678753,0.0,0.0,0.06448610667271401,0.06119097619415429,0.0,0.07954430078350214,0.0,0.06576643901352275,0.0,0.194560486156943,0.0,0.14641189905418292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730169612127619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713309358621613,0.05403088276842028,0.056200485236728936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987548217208889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155300510888908,0.06362574371403164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728879674345539,0.0,0.0933625314563578,0.0,0.07194860425759095,0.15646645688339514,0.0,0.06222908586161423,0.0,0.057947755727085916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633651646834661,0.0,0.08232037940218542,0.07479820968551346,0.060277367953512885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30870515138634325,0.0,0.0,0.1631400762128681,0.0515765211633742,0.0,0.05819267718156732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735492323387766,0.07573801068746534,0.054787854119897485,0.17570621323361005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921130507995202,0.0968208525451054,0.09338206237757582,0.0,0.05784924964954149,0.08498012309300106,0.16750266402597513,0.0,0.13925746780936551,0.0,0.24736378682735616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06012393618797034,0.17191832308027705,0.05783942372443495,0.0,0.0,0.0655173063030954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609790516778264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BobKain,2020/03/15,"So screwed and all I have to show for it a re a few scratches on my arm. Insurance money ran out. Can't work. Most everyone has given up on me. So I try to drink to anaesthetise myself, but I can't do anything more than superficial damage. Can't live, can't die. Stuck in purgatorial existence.",0.9107142857142848,3.2867754999999974,3.4861904761904756,85.33500000000002,85.66666666666666,6.761904761904763,23.57142857142857,7.957251820313856,1.500142857142857,230,9,48,5,7,80,47,60,0.174,0.7909999999999999,0.036000000000000004,-0.8487,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,2,0,7,3,1,0,1,5,10,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,1,4,2,0,0,3,1,6,0,10,7,4,6,0,1,0,1,0,5,1,1,0,34,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542017248973037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4467114598858876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42165099804100187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4112879357522367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800716847716236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29222918631078953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31335330945288925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,NotDerrida,2020/03/15,"Loneliness and coronavirus isolation. Due to the covid19 virus I have to stay at home the next few weeks. At first I was sort of happy about it, like now I can finally sleep forever and let go off my ‘happy work face’ for a bit. But now the loneliness has really hit me. I live alone, I have no partner or roommates. All my friends are married or live together with their partner. I see pictures on social media of them playing board games, cooking each other meals, etc. And I feel so extremely sad and abandoned. I really don't know how to get through this. It just makes me so damn sad to see other people 'use' this situation to get closer to each other and I desperately wish I could do the same, take care of someone, have someone look out for me. It really hurts being alone in an empty house and not being able to share this situation with someone else. And I'm scared of a big depression or alcohol relapse.",3.528558052434456,5.456519983146074,4.749235955056181,82.14876029962551,73.8876404494382,8.342172284644196,27.59700374531836,9.029198982220553,2.3534886891385773,719,28,138,16,15,237,115,178,0.21100000000000002,0.696,0.09300000000000001,-0.9722,0,3,1,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,2,2,7,14,1,1,7,0,13,5,2,3,1,29,28,14,0,2,6,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,1,2,9,12,3,1,2,3,0,1,3,7,0,1,1,4,17,7,23,22,7,17,0,5,3,0,8,8,1,4,8,95,26,1,0.1319967147098894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410643452605946,0.0,0.2734175766262585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410622561381722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345794477666156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538863602541672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368857696294699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110266317691623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721122865728156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674150501483526,0.0,0.0,0.14459594901624087,0.0,0.11227633810167896,0.0,0.0,0.1019803343528526,0.0,0.1379256709448536,0.0,0.07501677483511435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810259145552278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324034672082954,0.0,0.0,0.1523064865570566,0.1413052131179249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725419423922435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497558384189529,0.0,0.06448692739565644,0.0,0.2331110347615005,0.0,0.11084399613421647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810883204013872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403800035640468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150990204349453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536814262366145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215173843765934,0.0,0.2103685839030358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967396755589305,0.13209204115864856,0.13455402790848472,0.3355211640844796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069093515900782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924510226800552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400278093082407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587980262117963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517897076798631,0.0,0.0,0.0960951803820843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,infp_oet,2020/03/15,"DAE just absolutely crave attention/adoration? I hate it. I absolutely *hate* it. I *crave* adoration and affection, and then as soon as I receive it I recoil. E.g. I'll immerse myself in a drawing or a piece of writing, and I'll invest hours into it. When I receive any sorts of praise, i.e. the very thing which prompted me to either write or draw in the first place (I've realised I never do anything for fun merely because I want to, but because I want to impress people), I either don't believe them or flat-out reject it. I don't know if I'm explaining it adequately? Like, whatever I do, I have to be absolutely perfect at it. Perfection, however, isn't possible, and so my attempts end up with me feeling burned out. I move onto another hobby/interest and, well, rinse, repeat etc, etc. If there's no chance of me being absolutely brilliant at it (which, honestly, is all the fucking time), I won't do it. What's worse is when people openly laugh, though. Showed my sisters a portrait I did of one of my favourite actors and they outright laughed, telling me it looked like he'd had a stroke. Man, that fucking sucked. Am I alone in this? Realistically, no, but Lord, it feels like I am.",2.5336871823828337,4.899949848484855,4.315701110483719,82.00970073404858,78.65367965367966,7.134274421230942,28.22529644268775,8.18289091462,2.1929708639186902,929,42,175,18,23,313,139,231,0.091,0.6659999999999999,0.243,0.9896,2,1,0,0,0,0,54.0,0,0,2,5,8,19,5,0,7,0,17,3,0,1,4,34,30,20,0,4,10,1,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,17,10,0,0,4,2,1,3,7,6,1,2,2,4,29,13,22,24,6,24,2,1,1,2,12,11,3,6,13,124,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670800237863631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970389049727416,0.1691592554805494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275353263145828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966797093974481,0.0,0.0,0.1817536542343184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428826257158247,0.0,0.3598313742543233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631376063384421,0.1152478371682272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372196584590215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982775436276129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185424063446474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886880313309448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865786618372809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364400452112189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546910728417172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145881554921075,0.0,0.0,0.12442078942816845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931536290651957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22367949857173075,0.0,0.16854623027983345,0.0,0.0,0.18186531881723828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100176548935028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717458093135372,0.0,0.158497176936338,0.0,0.09406763977568038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133106815226343,0.1903027472513329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450470567487347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643999987737009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fluffyjellybeana,2020/03/15,"Is anyone else having a hard time right now Social distancing might be ""annoying"" to some but for us this could be dangerous.... I feel resentment towards the people in my life who say ""stay home so you don't risk people getting sick!! No one WANTS to do it you just have to!!"" Yet don't realize that this level of isolation could lead to suicide for so many people. I should be okay with risking my mental health so that some strangers I don't know might not get sick? I flew home anyway. To be with my family during this time. I won't apologize for protecting myself. And everyone who says it's selfish to travel right now, can fuck off. Im not risking suicide for this virus. I won't be going out now that I've arrived & I'm with my family. But to say I should have stayed in my city alone with no one around me?! That's a death sentence.",2.065153508771928,4.0905721929824574,3.4143823099415203,89.61876644736843,78.53216374269006,6.848099415204677,21.79861111111111,7.865858978985527,0.9588505847953216,659,19,138,11,16,215,99,171,0.305,0.6629999999999999,0.032,-0.9957,0,2,0,0,0,2,26.0,1,2,0,1,10,9,4,3,3,1,22,5,0,1,0,25,31,6,3,5,5,0,2,0,0,6,4,3,2,0,12,7,0,1,3,1,0,4,9,8,0,2,1,5,17,1,22,17,2,21,0,0,0,1,10,9,1,4,6,96,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364843684668601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278360761996362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214366112536287,0.1350242139411867,0.0,0.1173121658301805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104312620863362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008530555355664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592146612587635,0.0,0.0,0.2484609686227833,0.0,0.06663194279517097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182851440671084,0.13769925347563342,0.0,0.07489362801124268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804902278647388,0.0,0.0,0.14007600974679826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643722298723836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234504613823376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724228582297649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308013249966547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360426688743388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280327540620848,0.27959557394604384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785951178592026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740790407767317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250788514435565,0.0,0.3143903077362176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433314529639578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280919956516724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882919284587113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536839906650733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851515063390434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772727609052024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Chillaxcat,2020/03/15,"What do you do to help manage your BPD? Hello everyone, My therapist says I likely have a BPD. She says I need to do tests. So I could simply be a person with BPD traits and not a full-blown personality disorder, but I honestly think I have enough symptoms to be considered a person with BPD. Regardless of whether I officially have it or not, I share a lot of the symptoms such as splitting, self-harm, fast-changing emotions, and damaging my relationships with harmful words (mostly because of the fear of abandonment). I am a university student but because of COVID-19 my university is closing and all classes are set to be online. This is hard for me because I thrive on a scheduled life and the social activity I get from being on a college campus. Without being forced to go to classes and see my friends, I feel like I may become unproductive and very depressed. So, I'm challenging myself to build new habits such as exercise (from online videos again because the gym isn't the safest place to avoid COVID-19), walking, and meditation. I was wondering if people on here can suggest habit changes or techniques or anything that has helped them manage symptoms of their BPD. I hope to make use of all this extra time I have. I hope everyone who is forced to stay home does so as well. Have a great day and thank you for whoever reads/responds.",7.624880952380952,7.591490456349209,7.584761904761906,72.74357142857143,63.08730158730158,10.533333333333337,37.84126984126985,10.125756701596842,3.8680126984126986,1073,50,189,21,14,345,150,252,0.087,0.7509999999999999,0.162,0.9640000000000001,0,1,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,3,2,1,8,17,0,2,14,0,24,5,0,2,2,40,37,21,0,6,10,0,2,2,1,1,5,2,1,3,6,12,0,2,3,3,0,2,4,6,1,0,1,5,28,11,31,29,6,14,0,3,1,0,20,5,0,10,7,134,34,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812303633289992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314848543557323,0.1048477392719351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5978336402201136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20085630796730206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579750419004848,0.0,0.0,0.061224923667993876,0.0,0.08176697899981718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880320599504684,0.0,0.08307785449420707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067885781018656,0.0,0.0980927559906868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18142803995306006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682774931423313,0.04800175518726773,0.06782125335509158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334618903833873,0.0,0.049599378147547536,0.0,0.05395348606198093,0.0,0.0,0.10466566397096486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504269955495254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726524019836227,0.0,0.09522708271959568,0.1885828350619551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705507217134896,0.09276044047665233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070994983890965,0.0,0.0,0.0633695417040225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039275747155868,0.0,0.0916883689685394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581565570219433,0.2486795319672505,0.09918638706571424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192416621281268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099151099941008,0.0,0.0,0.07565053605969123,0.0,0.0990374282285772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677380672923408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118758672087642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960200062185812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740296829881278,0.0,0.1102263164104809,0.0,0.060830219055579275,0.0,0.0,0.05535709290951239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199296044781645,0.0,0.07833093670623748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535755139427753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151350747756856,0.10295245749125016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Charliebez,2020/03/15,"Great video to send to your friends who don't quite get it Just came across this great video, really explained things clearly and could be helpful for anyone in the situation above! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21ZxWhVJ5ag",13.529117647058824,15.489695441176472,7.004705882352942,75.12117647058824,50.470588235294116,10.329411764705883,34.64705882352941,10.125756701596842,3.366811764705882,191,6,27,3,2,46,31,34,0.0,0.607,0.39299999999999996,0.9591,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,5,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030169983531485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320790053619425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23181802560628634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22432095766611615,0.0,0.15169404370670084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.640216002618874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19461311441813625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088192036623561,0.0,0.0,0.1860033794313331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263615903071901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19289328911599488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,longingggforsoop,2020/03/15,sorry isn't good enough for me my friend has been mean to me and I finally went off on her a little cause I couldn't contain the rage. she apologized. but I want to make her feel worse I want to keep pointing out every little bad thing she's ever done to me and how it made me feel. If I did this she'll just make fun of me to her friends more even though I'm not for sure she does right now but I suspect it so much. I'm fighting back the urge so much right now. any of you got any tips to fight these urges or deal with them?,0.2988906009244978,1.871050491525424,1.6936363636363652,102.02647919876736,82.22033898305084,4.968875192604006,16.65947611710323,5.565023196281405,-0.9491966101694916,410,7,107,2,11,131,80,118,0.18,0.688,0.132,-0.8121,0,0,0,0,3,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,10,9,3,0,3,0,7,0,0,5,2,26,20,10,0,4,6,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,6,2,21,5,14,12,4,14,0,0,0,0,15,8,0,2,5,70,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219883158891044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550493007563895,0.13628060646103418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767033131816436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682710777096875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283358473733154,0.16702916507600776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864831260045499,0.0,0.1078042613910289,0.14764045233746564,0.13751860219596726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505632719630065,0.0,0.0,0.17879785799540504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25220437313769084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689991044672545,0.1305407223315335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507607732933403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32717557590502605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444126464260596,0.2178991949142957,0.0,0.0,0.1777927651181069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399687141230073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429421289112852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27877536651631024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18270971648562695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383147822746526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843510024679974,0.0,0.16036132001238967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19254096723417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130515873898492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16633356708917946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,whitelightstorm,2020/03/15,"Isolating and avoidant for years This has been going on forever. It's so ingrained I don't even want to break out of this bubble. Zero relationships. I pushed everyone completely to the other side of me. Don't want to see them, don't want to hear them. Nothing. Just zoning out and feel almost no emotion. I also don't care about anything anymore except my cat. Anyone know what the cure for this is and if you can relate. Cheers.",1.1903571428571418,3.8418368452380953,2.592380952380953,88.94428571428574,91.26190476190477,5.180952380952381,20.095238095238095,6.816661863887847,0.6542095238095239,341,11,64,5,12,110,62,84,0.10099999999999999,0.861,0.038,-0.2734,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,2,0,6,3,0,1,2,0,8,0,0,0,0,15,17,6,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,1,2,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,1,3,8,2,13,16,0,8,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,2,1,47,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24321935928756186,0.0,0.0,0.19423913283488295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24088172213130785,0.1698344120575504,0.0,0.19987786456206452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24764265443989905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546656586612381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732186811027885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042662659133772,0.0,0.0,0.23209190847992525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228125374080162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380400466489083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737548061522808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348605207085545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330596108735407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607730785459309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19355197020444914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.429788638994121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641326707027273 bpd,tlokjock,2020/03/15,"How do you know if you have BPD? I've been depressed for a long time, strong feelings of emptiness, low self esteem, always feel 'lucky' to be included or invited to social events, believe people don't like me, feel very lonely, get my hopes up about possible relationships or friendships and am almost always disappointed --- For the past few days I've been thinking I might have BPD. What should I do next? In the UK by the way",8.290925925925926,7.2011795432098795,7.749475308641976,75.5701388888889,62.20987654320989,10.569135802469138,33.830246913580254,9.516144504307137,2.9232691358024687,337,11,63,5,4,106,64,81,0.17800000000000002,0.728,0.094,-0.7707,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,1,2,8,0,0,4,0,11,0,0,1,0,15,18,5,0,3,3,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,6,4,9,13,1,10,0,4,0,0,5,3,0,7,7,37,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902969490250588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162559111242173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21410926019720955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4786957950448728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255965347241568,0.0,0.16368060605590698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882688027700092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928771216073473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887519455424113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444065193203136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284362282276128,0.0,0.0,0.16817883671897044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016017092807447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202108995250968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814140545171316,0.13174935096142132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142408031988616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20403113214557525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19825247884856004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19372117607296774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176953634979056,0.0,0.0,0.11081346807422587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15680235896978054,0.0,0.15084438339316011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cutiepatooti91,2020/03/15,"An ex toxic friend is my in law and she triggers me I went to uni with this girl and we were best friends she was my FP. long story short she has moved away for a 2 years and when she came to visit she was a different person. She was shallow and mean and just... toxic. I only found out I had BPD recently in therapy so when this all happened a year ago it was really hard and confusing for me. When we would hang out while she was here she would say things to get to me also I'm dating her brother and have been for a while and she even told me she had a sex dream about him ... kinda felt like she did it to be territorial but it was strange. I have detached myself from her massively, I became blunt when replying so she would get the message I didn't want to be friends but its so hard for me because she's such a trigger for my anxiety and BPD. I was really hurt that our friendship turned out the way it did for a long time and now i just feel anger when i think of her for becoming such a shit friend to me and I just dont want her in my life but she will be because she's my in law! I will always be nice and cordial but its hard because she's just not a nice person Any more and I don't like being around people who make me feel like shit. I've detached myself from other friends who also used to take advantage of me or used up too much of my energy and made me feel worthless. She's moving back in July and no amount of therapy can get me prepared to be around her. I hate her and I know its a strong thing to say but she will do things to test my emotions and doesn't know I have BPD. She used to always tell me I alwaus make big deals out of things and attack my personality but at least now I know why I am so sensitive. I'm just worried :/",1.4845833333333331,2.9272479973544985,3.189361772486773,93.23578869047621,78.28571428571428,6.4181216931216944,20.807208994709,7.1686216300943375,0.3001558201058199,1365,34,322,16,32,454,171,378,0.14300000000000002,0.732,0.124,-0.7923,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,3,0,0,3,27,21,5,1,13,0,37,4,2,8,1,69,67,38,0,5,13,2,7,3,5,6,1,2,0,4,17,28,0,0,10,1,0,6,6,8,0,0,20,9,68,13,42,35,6,41,0,2,0,1,49,16,2,3,21,235,85,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469661740416905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477478595284564,0.1402319234214875,0.0,0.0,0.0573036873069756,0.0,0.0644631667743635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002899539320705,0.0,0.09586460235778688,0.07917056716545713,0.06479525951384764,0.0,0.1541030930970252,0.09306504290027807,0.0,0.0,0.08843184119862492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183897741276731,0.0,0.0,0.09637771686758996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687442112674723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803990845671113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875898258583274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478777197602417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565681833630408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782208095699465,0.06019956078091347,0.08090845847591087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239318689425698,0.3255180453495971,0.0,0.132076331464522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451603849027258,0.0,0.2264570281837908,0.08319510987460738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902083662771763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893097003398278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951948236215564,0.12350415610800528,0.0,0.0,0.14914530241065627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973441215523124,0.11249625710974988,0.0,0.0,0.0917902455988731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912258731608996,0.061945116807099326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640879981307379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05841935042155155,0.22073314571836547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796575965234076,0.0,0.08320238958203034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402321830032304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729954276808889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335745397543571,0.0,0.0736520923980722,0.0,0.1927307529171516,0.0,0.22393002272235887,0.05399417274375262,0.0,0.0,0.04913611168188011,0.0,0.0,0.0805196585009461,0.0,0.0,0.09165707877469056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183359918273232,0.0,0.0,0.09940439735288836,0.06688633248104787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811531403880215,0.0760368490610226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557609046798076,0.0,0.17958018816507695,0.0,0.0,0.1085289265963788 bpd,sadwolves69,2020/03/15,"When intimate relationships are known to be turbulent but i always underestimate just how much so my first relationship was emotionally abusive and he often threatened suicide if i left but i always felt like he needed me and would never leave which is probably part of why i stayed for two years. fast forward to my current completely healthy stable relationship with a man who wants to understand my illnesses, take care of me but also allows me to figure it out on my own. i am not used to being with someone like this, because there are no constant up and downs the fear of him leaving is real and so i have left him twice out of impulse and dated other people who i got into intense relationships with very fast. last night got back together with him and ended things with someone else. thing is this someone else is extraordinarily dialectical, he seemed willing to put up with everything and i felt we could’ve grown together but i barely knew him. im back to my stable relationship which at this point is gonna take a lot of trust to get back to but does anyone else have immense struggles in keeping relationships? i can start them so easily idk if i convince myself of a strong connection or if there actually is but this time i need to not do what ive done twice before. i almost feel like things could’ve worked with this other guy but i know i was idolizing him the next minute i could’ve hated him. either way he took the break up almost too well and told me to never be sorry for personal growth. it’s left me feeling confused and i know once things get stable with my bf again ill have the urge to run. i don’t want to be this way idk if any of you guys feel this way as well but im having a time of self reflection and realizing that i am infact usually the toxic one in my relationships",5.867912172573192,6.394744692090397,6.618787878787881,76.26882896764252,66.7683615819209,9.600205444273241,29.650231124807394,9.573946990214177,2.5735355932203383,1447,48,274,28,22,478,190,354,0.126,0.727,0.147,0.3294,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,1,1,1,3,17,13,1,3,9,0,27,2,0,3,2,70,55,30,1,9,17,0,5,3,1,3,2,0,0,5,21,22,0,1,14,0,0,6,6,4,2,5,10,5,42,9,43,38,5,48,0,0,0,0,29,16,0,11,26,196,63,1,0.0,0.08460034662903197,0.06967858944344497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299868069684268,0.0,0.0,0.057100593917458566,0.11882528407585186,0.0,0.0,0.04855618290550958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049926323571224965,0.07316035105232467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16471246198399644,0.0,0.04352633211099407,0.0,0.060758311513899786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279965906681972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486421581329253,0.07716079097733389,0.0,0.17102737972604554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06248485320299579,0.07306959969944306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17894300655233686,0.08031825890396581,0.06324146643139733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417200841586784,0.0,0.0,0.08034772051523957,0.1083098249692417,0.05100999641524902,0.13711529198160086,0.0,0.0,0.06073497306399865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460977131337665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421428492324336,0.0,0.0,0.14139950197320925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049523620138237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542540147735077,0.0,0.0,0.06346586772193936,0.0,0.0,0.07848194894302785,0.058202608710142226,0.0,0.15120998274108716,0.23273724044248345,0.0,0.0,0.10465103862244672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060703895140396015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05248909037346585,0.10588817306232023,0.11014009770003834,0.0,0.07593742260693592,0.06700645679628285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604138606140212,0.04838421619881392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773220041715917,0.0,0.04950153816619428,0.06234595305879356,0.0,0.0,0.06749848966056317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698402617221971,0.0,0.0,0.07177928486939271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127173459003498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5366173237974747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500220037360972,0.07448843259302494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18149744823898573,0.0,0.0,0.07992930958331887,0.050539092821298585,0.07610561852750114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464544904252313,0.0,0.07810280125303289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737166378765196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897467275202407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327080291744103,0.0,0.0,0.06822819698698822,0.07933086095669567,0.0,0.0,0.0697499167394074,0.0743325733203643,0.0,0.061668878288354136,0.07863982180907911,0.05891458212469476,0.08423014863986324,0.17002806345237428,0.0,0.0,0.12839893618125398,0.0,0.06442969595983053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051981907236772484,0.0,0.0,0.050722323306687966,0.0,0.0,0.0459809015615554 bpd,eddope,2020/03/15,"I just wanna talk to someone But I've got avoidance personality disorder Which makes me stay away from getting along with people but I wanna talk to them so bad idk what's goin on..!",1.2716666666666685,3.935913944444444,2.951333333333338,86.72700000000002,90.11111111111113,5.102222222222223,21.088888888888885,6.742157984588678,0.6618955555555557,146,5,28,2,5,48,30,36,0.304,0.696,0.0,-0.9051,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,9,3,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,9,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29811054272210546,0.0,0.2649293561960147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636493224502997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577434545571176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537710274612279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117979033237574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199734684639232,0.2770510987555064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688443274391454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33819589243632026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5100618773991159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hellokittyho,2020/03/15,"Anyone abnormally sleep talk? I sleep argue apparently a lot. My partner is always recording me to show me in the morning because I have literally no recollection of it ever. At first I didn’t believe him, I’ve always been more of a sleep walker but now that I’ve seen it for myself—it’s embarrassing. I argue with my partner by saying ridiculous things like “the online people got us VIP2” and he will ofcourse be like “what?? you don’t make sense” and then I usually end up getting mad in my sleep and say mean things that I actually don’t mean. It’s truly embarrassing and not sure if I’m the only one 😔 do you relate?",2.3168933333333332,4.501910656000003,4.614900000000002,80.52928333333338,78.44,6.7266666666666675,24.016666666666666,7.793537801064563,1.4099466666666665,492,17,94,8,12,171,85,125,0.185,0.736,0.079,-0.9153,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,2,0,1,2,9,4,2,5,0,9,4,4,1,2,15,16,7,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,2,8,5,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,6,0,2,4,3,15,3,10,10,2,10,0,0,1,0,12,4,0,2,8,62,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.1505949882377645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25681478917244865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790479788724776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407262007805801,0.0,0.0,0.17386686725301412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366825587235135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959213626494346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312653230676768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062632813828631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342456292517999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078684434055434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119815495223738,0.0,0.0,0.10301043388492497,0.0,0.0,0.3362015152670981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457187103748564,0.11736803808188935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069867174039152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454444302853835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6177296036020105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454456710921143,0.0,0.0,0.12403733576797105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050479668669092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562910440412267,0.0,0.16996272649822236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ilovejaredpadalecki,2020/03/15,"Does anyone else get triggered when someone starts acting like the old you? I was diagnosed three years ago and have learned a lot. I make a conscious effort to avoid behaviors that are unhealthy or unfair to others. But if someone starts treating me the way I used to treat people, I get very angry and sometimes start splitting on the person. It's especially bad if someone is relying on me constantly for their own self worth and validation, like how I used to. Can anyone relate?",6.520149812734082,7.838055640449443,6.3702808988764055,75.81062734082398,65.62921348314606,8.629962546816481,32.810861423220985,8.841846274778883,2.8898524344569285,388,16,64,6,6,122,67,89,0.168,0.7340000000000001,0.098,-0.8336,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,1,2,6,0,1,5,0,5,1,0,5,0,16,13,9,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,9,4,7,12,2,12,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,4,10,41,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580535983946211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493452301001051,0.18269104615045448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887437712600446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19268067228605454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18097235715243504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603291996300708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894809642166726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18631043971533587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421829767686173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158563277908232,0.0,0.0,0.11901769357182475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870975215528773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361186986610725,0.15568606798253193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860074409265007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4532230670777333,0.0,0.17634482828021886,0.0,0.37860834206827865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079906459543014,0.0,0.14711748217527654,0.0,0.14152750016573853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482037590570993 bpd,edani941,2020/03/15,"""Be careful of connections that feel like home, if home was never a safe place for you"" I'm learning the older I (28f) get, that I'm at my most functional when I'm in a relationship with narcissistic individuals that allow no room for my emotional wellbeing. I get addicted to that rollercoaster of them making you feel like shit and then dishing out crumbs of affection. I, without the conscious decision to, revolve my whole life around them and keeping them happy and stable. My symptoms are lessened. My emotions, for them, controlled. Obviously this is toxic. The logical solution to this should be to just not have these kind of relationships or just veto romantic relations all together. The issue for me here is without these people in my life. Life is just empty. The depression is heavy and I'm at my most dysfunctional. I once didn't leave the house for 12 months. Saw no sunlight. Had no human conversations. After a sustained period of this, those crumbs start to look appealing. The abuse starts to seem like an acceptable compromise. I've been blessed to meet some beautiful, empathetic humans who, unlike these narcissistic types, care about my feelings too. I just can't maintain my interest. Without the abuse-reward system, my symptoms show. I split on them and eventually, I usher them gently out of my life through fear of effecting them negatively. I do not want to be a bad person. I don't want to be a negative period of time in any of these wonderful individuals lives. I'm currently in the process of emotionally withdrawing from someone truly lovely so yeah, FML. BPD is a bastard.",4.9294297065231305,7.660342640138412,5.89655517108805,71.85170959887226,72.42560553633217,9.679405356914007,31.46494937844419,9.994966539143718,3.865143688325004,1289,60,208,39,27,424,169,289,0.125,0.693,0.182,0.9502,1,0,0,0,2,0,41.0,0,2,7,2,10,17,2,1,16,1,19,10,1,5,3,47,42,10,0,4,11,0,3,3,0,1,7,0,3,3,13,9,1,4,11,1,0,0,14,5,0,0,5,5,30,12,42,32,5,25,1,1,2,1,18,12,2,7,15,149,43,2,0.0,0.12883153232529765,0.0,0.11853567053101413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394257466833504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679595428867878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907880117809894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694615915931327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22172229793486725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195397496365425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365208786145228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36693198481814415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223555264875339,0.16493692133270468,0.15535860700195495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361763335191592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157489360160118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181373269927289,0.0,0.0,0.12546397221208408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348962550683285,0.0,0.09664741711786594,0.0,0.1132293090127414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513317944687347,0.0,0.0,0.3072070210915454,0.1593652296045916,0.0,0.09601375833947368,0.0,0.09130883631571343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813631663432716,0.0,0.07258052040076407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679011983372098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386205330442803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579773224082902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753821853990078,0.0949419829456006,0.11360346621292015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334783817655521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898698306011892,0.0,0.0,0.1116134748890543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921296239769614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539243993656164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22603168149489944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340343488693427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826778553100274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139717807206465,0.0,0.31444592233809016,0.11791694780046293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,toastkiller33,2020/03/15,"Hard splitting... I've felt myself getting worse over the last few months. I'm splitting in all ways of my life. My relationship seems fine on the surface but of course I keep wanting to cut ties and run. I've resisted this feeling for some time now because I know how I am, and that this is just a part of this illness. Or is it? Am I losing interest for totally valid reasons? And once I determine if it is legitimate, how can I even possibly begin to plan to survive alone like I want? I want stability but it feels impossible to achieve. I can't tell if I want anything or nothing. Everything everyone does makes me want to rip my flesh off and run into the woods. If I had a clue how to survive alone I think I would do it immediately, but I don't see how it will be possible for me to afford it. Which means I'm stuck feeling like I have to use others just to live. And so I hate myself all the more. I hate it. I just want to be able to handle this on my own, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to. I wish something would just take me out of the game. I don't want to play any more. I am so sick of me. All my remaining mental faculties have been spent surviving my job so I can keep contributing and paying bills. I feel like it's only a matter of time before I snap and ruin it all and end up living out of my car. I'm a 35 yr old woman and I should be able to live alone by now. But no. Especially with the lack of low income housing in my area. And not even just here. Seems the entire world has become too expensive to survive alone. It feels a lost cause. Where does one even begin with all this....where do I put it, how can I figure out what is real? Just spiralling on and on...",1.1375454545454529,2.850487300000001,3.283434343434344,90.95227272727274,80.16666666666666,6.474747474747474,21.464646464646467,7.463857097105799,0.6143055555555552,1308,38,300,19,33,446,176,360,0.17300000000000001,0.7340000000000001,0.092,-0.9904,3,4,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,0,8,23,13,3,0,12,0,29,4,1,9,7,81,66,30,0,16,17,0,7,3,0,4,3,0,0,1,19,18,0,2,14,2,4,4,6,7,0,1,6,8,42,6,42,52,13,34,0,4,1,0,4,18,0,9,14,205,61,3,0.26998824325590937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728351944256425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06120042123512514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405910657013619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054860775716176216,0.09939360092572404,0.07658003647901444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245076583607983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751235406127392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970981558950703,0.0,0.0,0.17832468835076198,0.08140660771453515,0.0,0.085995112174334,0.08088267469866289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22752361338203306,0.12858643661881566,0.08641035111204115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0470192379158051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061881162061223,0.17770499625104194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038433944672984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930722385404409,0.15998530387752927,0.0,0.0,0.09891898512726556,0.07335881770145675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356689357086291,0.13190261802190306,0.0,0.2384045652088846,0.0,0.0,0.1006825946284462,0.09824135360654876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600730829554623,0.0,0.0,0.09803211555712214,0.0,0.0,0.09069488242981164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183401330959244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635366700907754,0.0,0.09443574812869793,0.09584288920150123,0.06098367366028647,0.06844607504410312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974569857613039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20291411852803654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047091857511767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243524292464627,0.0,0.0925309601818303,0.0,0.09662211099247954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171522479308934,0.16385810440727738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928338003017813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766585282566466,0.0,0.07866054160639804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05766585487697785,0.0,0.0,0.104954877220306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772771874777433,0.0,0.0,0.3715741423951943,0.07143470019274767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103491051806064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171369520622928,0.12786126777857895,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Deucy1001,2020/03/15,"Being ignored really adds on to the paranoia of being abandoned. Also note: I was supposed to be her maid of honour. I have phone anxiety, but been trying to get ahold of her since February :( she's my cousin/best friend. Well, I thought she was my best friend until recently. Should I just try to move on with my life, even though it's hurting me? I'm definitely freaking out on the inside, trying to maintain my calm, collective self on the outside. http://imgur.com/a/KzygLTu",3.9757471264367794,6.820550712643678,4.048965517241381,83.2509195402299,76.35632183908045,6.625287356321839,26.90804597701149,7.793537801064563,1.9064390804597704,380,15,64,6,9,117,61,87,0.161,0.603,0.237,0.9062,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,5,10,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,0,9,11,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,4,0,13,6,15,3,1,8,0,2,0,0,8,5,0,0,2,47,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363514494113272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661003759285835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4557195310792557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340931280970667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355011701076309,0.0,0.1134390867698309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23243728628766674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15336212739955574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307699929995941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909612390312145,0.0,0.2143851889266443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22650919898353555,0.0,0.0,0.1796084170090251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21332465347374496,0.17237335516585905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.442241786784887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952218564166519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,H-Cumberdale,2020/03/15,"Best friend frequently ghosting me – how should I behave? I've been very close friends with this girl who told me she has BPD (the quiet type I assume) for a little more than half a year now. We've known (and liked) each other from working together years ago, but lost contact after I left the company. We've gotten back in touch in summer of last year and immediately got along great. You know, keeping contact basically constantly from day to day. There are however reoccuring periods where she ghosts me for several weeks on end, and since I wasn't really familiar with the BPD topic, it took me a while to put 2 and 2 together. (Before, I would just assume that she simply lost interest.) To clarify: I'm no stranger to emotional struggles myself. I was never tested but it comes off to me like some kind of dependent disorder, meaning the constant (and intense) fear of losing someone important, as well as the concept of having an FP, is something I can relate to very well. I really, really cherish the friendship with her and when she told me that she considers me her closest friend two month ago, that was a REALLY big deal for me. Since then however, the periods of ghosting became more frequent (though usually shorter) and the overall contact got colder and less frequent. She is going through some major (and tough) changes in her life at the moment and I guess I should consider that aswell. Before however, I was „involved“ in her struggles and I think that is part of the reason why we became so close in the first place... Right now I haven't heard a single word from her in nearly three weeks. It's really heartbreaking, as you can probably imagine. I'm keeping the contact (one sided) up – mainly through e-mail. Telling her about whats going on in my life, about my feelings in this situation & always reminding her that she's important to me & that I miss her. This seemed to have helped a bit in the past, but somehow not this time. I've talked to her about this before, but it's a difficult topic. She basically told me that she doesn't understand her behaviour herself and tried to make it look like overall isolation and social exhaustion. I do however know for a fact, that she is still going out and keeping contact to other people (though I don't know about the frequency). So it does seem more like she's isolating herself from me in particular. Now I often feel like I should cut her out off my life, just to get rid the constant fear of abandonment. But the thing is, I really, really don't want to... I would be very grateful for some potential insight, or maybe even tipps on how to get in touch again. I somehow guess that she is splitting on me, but I have no real way to tell if this is the case. Furthermore, how do you manage to maintain longterm close friendships? Any suggestions for difficult situations like these? Best wishes and thank you all in advance.",6.6402547452547465,7.125712126373628,6.877012987012988,75.22707792207794,65.0989010989011,10.427705627705633,33.578421578421576,10.300263719432786,3.4819494505494504,2295,93,411,52,33,741,260,546,0.106,0.7709999999999999,0.12300000000000001,0.8731,4,1,1,0,0,0,78.0,1,4,0,8,28,33,1,4,26,0,31,4,0,6,3,83,70,36,3,8,11,0,4,6,3,5,4,2,0,1,28,27,0,4,16,0,0,7,9,15,2,5,15,7,68,18,71,49,16,79,0,6,1,0,51,34,0,15,43,296,96,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405440489581082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058223479228380025,0.1516323122903819,0.0,0.04758431555701024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05380522999834903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862664411335866,0.0,0.14686554512070812,0.0,0.07639283637734587,0.0,0.17625811059424504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402258538474382,0.06027589338332515,0.0,0.2268491800707845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025411620383426,0.07213950904385383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019558546514101,0.0,0.06123419911591608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871066356499562,0.06197566849140072,0.0,0.0,0.04621677471514992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747907098561506,0.07076131305859774,0.0499890152137505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059519343381003335,0.0,0.0,0.16218383965177244,0.0,0.07311643315787172,0.0,0.11930249746931705,0.0,0.11192824990963636,0.07714592712122248,0.15416719111792654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04690169905257242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658673495755126,0.0,0.0728665345307732,0.11536666189252046,0.05703766510011945,0.0,0.0,0.0760263103371351,0.0,0.14827285801027093,0.2051128300126049,0.07013173546570181,0.0,0.0,0.058760037770918185,0.07828234278800765,0.15276847696201265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046707791844324005,0.0,0.07029769137232303,0.0762215525195454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05585210506832765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053967804415736745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04741579081830435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577437981814662,0.06679753366422111,0.04851074923334429,0.0,0.07310731616924185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754431665552602,0.0,0.0,0.0703425997947247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964505513383338,0.31378728949757684,0.07194431540216767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05975690637907299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740232157445336,0.0,0.07905003161970857,0.0,0.11576544902443693,0.1573060801855221,0.0,0.07132907543822405,0.05928823981491393,0.053868946515029915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558808524042865,0.0,0.0,0.1463027935719846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056241973181541616,0.12231968205917933,0.06442211100317707,0.0,0.0,0.04648722169843725,0.04483613314994631,0.13749703220272558,0.0,0.0408020557384003,0.0,0.0,0.2005877641761448,0.077743028699737,0.04750734948569548,0.0,0.06835385010930403,0.0728447833703063,0.0,0.0,0.07706582091908372,0.1732061644252171,0.04127212779567918,0.05554163267329308,0.11225689109339784,0.0,0.1258289908892312,0.0,0.06314011523024655,0.0,0.08046596358458177,0.0,0.0,0.05094147293297946,0.0,0.0,0.09941419994677013,0.0,0.0,0.1351817378494518 bpd,HD_Thoreau_aweigh,2020/03/15,"Post-degree Exams. Long hard process. Splitting, burnout. Tl;dr: having my first burnout weekend in a long time after taking a CPA exam. A lot of negative thoughts. A little surprised bc I had been doing so well. I studied for 7 weeks for this exam: came in early to work, stayed late, worked really hard, really pushed myself. Then Tuesday I took the exam, came out feeling like I did terrible (the score isn't released for another 10 days, so I'm still waiting to find out if I passed), and ever since then it feels like my mental health has just collapsed. It's like after weeks of positive attitude the floor has just fallen out: all my thoughts are negative and I can barely run away from them let alone confront them. The funny thing is, I haven't even gotten my scores yet: for how bad I feel I may actually have passed. And even if I fail it doesn't really matter: you just take it again lol. But still those thoughts: I'm coming down really hard on myself and I can't seem to stop. I haven't done much of anything this weekend except browsed reddit & binged Netflix. That's okay. It's not the best self care, but I did catch up on sleep I suppose. I guess I'm writing this out of surprise bc I sort of thought I was done with these extended periods of self flagellation. The day I walked out of the test, I felt shitty but was also already thinking ahead about what I was going to do differently next time. I felt as if I was dealing with it constructively. I saw a therapist briefly in January and she gave me a lot of tools to work on, chiefly among was just recognizing my thought and challenging them. I'm working at it but in moments like these it gets hard. My brain goes into overdrive trying to avoid those thoughts: I start to have music looping nervously through my head at all times. It feels as if I'm internalizing all these negative thoughts. We keep working at it, right? Gonna get some breakfast, shower & shave, go to the gym, keep journaling out my thoughts/feellings, try to reach out to people. Thanks for letting me air some shit out,",3.0151935949599715,5.325381017456362,3.6801397821236392,87.4732061294133,76.73067331670822,6.615067594172465,26.01397821236383,7.669130373188453,1.4596743142144641,1632,62,318,24,38,515,222,401,0.115,0.8,0.085,-0.9163,2,2,0,0,0,0,57.0,1,1,3,12,18,19,2,2,14,2,29,6,4,1,4,70,70,22,0,4,14,0,10,4,0,2,1,0,1,2,21,21,1,5,16,4,0,13,9,7,1,1,26,11,42,12,57,40,9,71,0,1,1,0,11,27,1,12,34,209,63,14,0.0,0.0,0.07556384200367655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019766404255918,0.08544969767633133,0.061923473071983134,0.0,0.16779814308875732,0.0,0.0,0.0811956859550423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372110183593094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275124125486031,0.0,0.06465366616060265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126159056316154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644129861301107,0.0,0.17712639387244114,0.07894852607645883,0.0,0.0,0.06670202960018712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987629204069673,0.07983044957932164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090143660085558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848253333090498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228807909889658,0.07004295596494982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19576330325650654,0.1106368926385492,0.1486964409346316,0.0,0.07077273742525404,0.06586482225548684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091152557028132,0.0,0.08801438707806943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530163526510608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774605173128173,0.0,0.07946902214034685,0.082308097962322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765275214301914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734826357370494,0.0,0.0,0.1583618238515396,0.0,0.1513202187577894,0.07760862315546943,0.0,0.137052269122065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316622388034911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803466861748809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056922468775240126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235131408184293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05368257938064731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415980588620713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19842331080732134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661277123304357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049247176436417,0.16155987647050055,0.0,0.07948428655877636,0.06405372010332673,0.0,0.07748933532548775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054807768863596264,0.08253371630997024,0.12367684863499853,0.06473780120905176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644058100095885,0.0,0.0,0.07129028395669061,0.0,0.08990616164817307,0.0514433194385043,0.04961620496450398,0.0,0.43031436834930303,0.1354561389394935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603137192111059,0.10514441026926126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242248277419682,0.0,0.06962193842138098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28186223751539863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RootsOfTheWoods,2020/03/15,"Does this sound like BPD? Before you read, just know that I don't self-diagnose; I don't go around telling people I have BPD. It's just a very high suspicion I have. Also, sorry this is a lot to read & that there's no tl;dr I used to just say I had anxiety and thought I had depression all while growing up, I just knew something was very wrong with me (I honestly think my mom has the same issues I do), and then one day my boyfriend – that I was friends with for about 5 years before dating, so he knows me quite well – asked if I could be bipolar. He wasn't being malicious, just genuinely concerned because of my patterns and behavior. I always assumed it was just anxiety and depression fueling how I was. And I don't think I'm bipolar. But reading about that led me to read about BPD.. and I started crying as I read more and more. I was already realizing I've been going through ""cycles"" almost my entire life. I first remember feeling ""the bad feelings"" after we made a big move, and we settled into a horrible place where I was rejected by the small friend group I managed to make. It was the first time I felt kind of bullied. The bad feeling has always been a heavy weight on my chest. Sometimes I'll feel claustrophobic, completely overwhelmed, which is normally when the ""cycle"" kickstarts – whenever that feeling gets too much to ignore. We moved after my parents divorce, too. A very bad one; we witnessed domestic violence, and my mom & step dad's lives were almost taken by my drunk, angry bio dad. Long story. *But* we moved states and ended up moving to different towns a lot. I won't get too deep into what happened in each town, but we'd normally stay for about a year and then leave the next. I never really figured out how to make & and keep connections with people, and then I started to *like* that we'd leave after a year. It gave me comfort. Maybe because I didn't connect with anyone, I disliked people more than I liked anyone (I'm kinda an insufferable person sometimes, an extreme introvert that's picky with people - probably distance myself cause of my own insecurities and how other people tend to make me feel worse), so I liked to get away and start over. I liked the idea of being someone else in each new town, but I'd frustratingly always be the same shy, quiet girl. Here's the cycles that have impacted others: I decide that isolation is best for me. I get extremely upset until I do so; I'll irrationally convince myself that people are better off without me, or that I'm better off without them, that life would just be so much better if I only focus on myself and I'm not impacting anyone's life, and no ones impacting mine. And then, after I've burned my bridges and I'm alone, I go through euphoria – I'll suddenly feel lighter, and I'll normally get really obsessed with something during that period of time. *But,* of course, the euphoria dies down and my emotions feel less intense and irrational, so I feel lots of shame and guilt. I can't tell you how many accounts I've deleted and remade because of this process; like I try to disappear from people's lives completely during this time. My boyfriend has dealt with this from me the most. I used to stop talking to him for months during my isolation and euphoria stages, but also stalling more before going back to him because of the shame and guilt over how I acted. Most people won't stick around after this but he's always been here for me. My emotions just consume me, eat me whole for awhile. It feels like they control me. I have gotten better at handling my romantic relationship; when my emotions get sorta unbearable or I think I'm being irrational, I take some space and journal because writing about everything helps me see things for how they are, I guess. I can read how ridiculous I'm being and correct my mindset, etc. But I have to work really hard to not be controlling and emotionally abusive, just from projecting my own insecurities and worries. I'm really thankful I'm in a stable relationship cause these issues were so much worse with guys I've dated in the past that would cheat and be dishonest in general. But I still struggle a lot. I still don't know how to make friendships work, but I'm coming to terms with that. I can accept that I'm an extreme introvert that enjoys being alone, and with my few favorite people. I don't think I need to force myself to make friends, they will happen naturally or they won't, fine either way. I noticed my anger has gotten worse over the years. It sometimes just brews on the inside when I'm having some irrational emotions, *but* I'm getting better at taking a step back before acting on the anger by hurting feelings/saying things I don't mean/breaking things. The worst thing from all of this, is that I don't feel like I can trust myself. I don't know which thoughts & emotions are rational, which ones I should or shouldn't act on. It's really frustrating to feel like I can't even take myself serious or make my own decisions. I'm always second guessing myself. But wow, while writing this, I've realized that acknowledging I have an issue has helped me a lot. I stopped writing things off as ""it's just how I am"", I started working on things when I learned I could change these things about myself. For example, I stopped sending my boyfriend hurtful angry messages that I'd regret after sending, picking fights just cause I felt off and unsettled. We no longer breakup all the time (cause of me & my usual cycle), since I take some time to think and process how I feel and what I truly think about the situation when I'm being rational. This isn't all I could write on this topic, but I've done enough and I'm about to fall asleep.. Does anyone have any theories of what's wrong with me, or if I could maybe be right or wrong when it comes to the BPD thing?",5.323765397536395,6.340221576241138,5.764378499440093,80.17026315789477,68.16666666666667,8.631877566256065,30.0903322135125,8.841846274778883,2.397832269503546,4630,172,859,76,76,1488,418,1128,0.17300000000000001,0.713,0.114,-0.9961,2,5,2,0,3,0,147.0,8,2,5,14,59,61,7,10,38,0,80,10,2,27,6,216,168,92,1,16,40,5,17,9,3,8,5,3,0,3,57,62,3,7,39,7,1,21,25,32,1,7,27,21,136,29,114,115,37,121,0,7,1,0,51,41,0,28,64,586,193,12,0.0,0.04327118390558283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314062479934781,0.0756490830965746,0.04030161824079788,0.058411351701777914,0.1519411835989702,0.19785139351496572,0.0,0.024835400846175748,0.0,0.05587663418861039,0.0,0.0,0.10214478852921123,0.0,0.0,0.06502252148590411,0.03414202423323229,0.0,0.03431250000091805,0.05616449197545786,0.09148004413107497,0.11131372367592453,0.0,0.12430606616017982,0.0,0.03832633338179374,0.16149842807048076,0.0,0.0,0.1839867098121056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006771402790187,0.03863417090654251,0.06291888224146977,0.07658274178495031,0.0,0.08192238007919596,0.11663556940992555,0.0,0.04011639117540111,0.023552898972078698,0.0,0.0629106344363329,0.037067849951545113,0.03790283136873779,0.038156469849312376,0.0,0.0,0.06391920794642056,0.03737346491458576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03736990259072482,0.030508447674558813,0.24648595121597705,0.03234659470618116,0.0377357558544281,0.040730353208660613,0.024121648329541844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032822546105274734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400582229388644,0.07827141461675419,0.07013140314448171,0.0,0.0,0.06212915889049181,0.0,0.0,0.08464765377780581,0.0,0.13356429878874115,0.0,0.08302246407363671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046357174467382,0.03616134033628704,0.06459045734565501,0.0,0.032715469304500484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04895825368936016,0.03858623731419361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819255763318379,0.041227545334091384,0.0,0.11435470109015194,0.0,0.032461370944088,0.0,0.03803080011049679,0.08028352084356415,0.0,0.0,0.07734052202221403,0.0,0.0,0.07738717727023556,0.16057999234916226,0.0,0.06449708265649093,0.03231976460650771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552434189143078,0.0,0.03455687024992371,0.14626753200269116,0.03702636573461714,0.07338011793825988,0.03978186483890419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554545461787283,0.029150559406760007,0.15526335095220592,0.08054098498720252,0.02707971534736884,0.0281670974934382,0.03527202259885552,0.03884029214855577,0.0,0.10734790912712316,0.0,0.041579180383015335,0.0,0.0,0.09898977489758368,0.027775719116980548,0.0,0.0,0.04055203379360351,0.0,0.03486324232402352,0.22787036014072376,0.031888559658100765,0.038156469849312376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03937560644872309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038844373263980894,0.21918413794967329,0.0,0.11698081941322765,0.0,0.0,0.0784193575362082,0.041370954582618975,0.031188569298083245,0.0,0.05808562250719001,0.0,0.0,0.029102354502876376,0.0,0.038099166185511804,0.0,0.0,0.03021038862285214,0.04105091679071712,0.0,0.0,0.030943960925600818,0.05623100234610282,0.10836003471374664,0.040882052996685576,0.10339845955861683,0.038926320597621834,0.05833112666814355,0.09159908885664356,0.0,0.03817947658532884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098364059990627,0.02935404096902416,0.0638415893925566,0.033623452000772214,0.0,0.0,0.19410240901290254,0.14040634937837762,0.0,0.05798688206827021,0.1064778801322792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02479523039903824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308450213253955,0.040222508859499004,0.09040047066296752,0.0,0.028988516382875012,0.0,0.044472503687597836,0.03283659111435373,0.0,0.0,0.04077417634613978,0.0,0.07040950864677054,0.0,0.07976274651693115,0.037088651873928985,0.11165346598415617,0.051886666364294516,0.1197893066851478,0.0,0.0940728082989572 bpd,briderpi,2020/03/15,"Feeling Physical Pain With Strong Emotions? For as long as I can remember, whenever I feel a strong emotion (usually hurt feelings/emotional pain/trauma memories, etc.,)I get sharp pains through my chest/tips of my fingers/stomach. Strong emotions also make me feel sick (usually nausea.) I always assumed everybody felt pain with intense emotions because it’s all I’ve ever known but pretty much everyone I’ve talked to about it says I’m crazy. I’ve never read about anything like this either. So, friends, I was just curious. Am I the only one who feels actual physical pain/illness directly connected to their emotions or are there others out there too? Honestly sometimes it feels like my emotions drown me. If you’ve experienced anything like this before, please let me know how you made it stop because it is EXHAUSTING.",5.659152276295131,8.341955721088441,5.7574149659863965,73.9250392464678,70.0204081632653,9.148927263212977,35.797488226059656,9.661875296680813,4.182993092621665,669,36,101,17,13,211,104,147,0.152,0.627,0.221,0.8979,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,1,3,10,13,0,0,2,0,6,5,0,3,3,25,17,8,1,1,5,0,7,3,1,0,5,1,0,0,9,3,0,1,10,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,9,13,8,12,13,3,7,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,3,9,58,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.08544073506965749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001744375410343,0.07285250532046142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410007844877834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674503718155356,0.0,0.07450258162232644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6894105914827529,0.0,0.0,0.09764660915338333,0.0,0.0791982181610854,0.0,0.08366224617358514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213513776746077,0.06254907891263979,0.08406622055479053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764452644483646,0.0,0.04574370517049587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937290928315274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04811776085704369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953058948609861,0.0,0.12832437822184034,0.0,0.0,0.07748313417007048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082846352585545,0.05844342692916561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643627619397583,0.0,0.06752756466011138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05932931522890919,0.06658927740389088,0.465821748221558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610874343053044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907458322507014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757837077649057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918238154567216,0.0,0.0,0.06962699352659339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865938145550741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319963060938091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037313305118184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928582146907021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,anihernandez7878,2020/03/15,"Im a mess... and I can’t fix it. I was diagnosed with BPD March ‘19. At first, everything finally made sense and I was able to put a name to what I’ve been feeling my whole life. However, that happiness quickly went away. I’m active duty military, and after I was diagnosed the psychologist recommended for me to be administratively discharged. This killed me inside, broke me because I was only forced to see a psychologist after I reported a sexual assault. This made me feel so inadequate because there are plenty of active duty members who live with BPD and work well in the military. I felt targeted because of how I reacted after I was raped..... but excused me I was raped. How am I supposed to “act”. So after all that crap, till today they are still trying to discharge me and I have learned to completely ignore the BPD in me. I guess last year I was so worried about being discharged that I completely ignored and neglected the diagnosis I truly have. In my head, the more I deny having BPD the more it will show the military I don’t have it? My lawyers continue to tell me that they feel I will be retained as along as I don’t have another “accident”. This all started March ‘19 and I have not had any accident since them. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t feel anything. Just shows how great I’ve been able to hide my emotions. Now it’s one year later and lately I have dramatically been feeling my BPD symptoms. Yes I felt them throughout all last year, however I learned to keep myself at a distance away from people so no more “accidents” happen. Until this past week. Someone I was closed to, you can even call him my FP because I just felt alive with him, betrayed my trust and confidence. We’ll call him Adam. On a Sunday, I went by Adam’s dorm after a going-away dinner for my co-worker. I was feeling very sad because my co-worker was my absolute last friend at my duty stationed. I went to Adam’s place trying to find some comfort after realizing I was totally alone now. One thing led to another and we became physical (nothing new, it’s been going on since Nov). Afterwards, when I was changing, someone knocked on his door. He quickly changed and answered it, no one was there. Then his phone started blowing up. I then said to him “I asked you last week if you were seeing anyone else too tell me, for my own protection” he responded with “I’ve only been talking to her for 10 days”. I then realize the girl that Adman had been talking to saw/heard us having sex. He asked me to quickly leave because he needed to “fix things with her” because she’s a great girl and “didnt deserve this”. I became enraged and had a panic attack at the same time. Maybe I felt like I was being abandoned, maybe I was just angry because I felt I was being lied to or maybe I felt him pick her over me. Regardless, we got into any argument. He told me he needed me to leave at that moment because he needed to get sleep for work that morning. Broken inside, and not completely sure why, I left. Before I left, he asked me to call him if I was having a rough time. The week before I mentioned to him that I just wanted to die. Not completely sure if I was actually suicidal, but I indeed wanted to die because someone else decided to lie to me the previous week. This I know is a symptom of BPD because of the impulsivity and suicidal thoughts. And this is when my BPD symptoms came at a rush (let’s also remember that Feb was a tough month; Feb ‘19 I was raped by a fellow service member). I called him a couple hours after I got home. After he answered, all I heard in the background was “put it on speaker”. Once again, I became furious. I asked him why he lied about going to sleep and when to go see her instead. He said he didn’t leaver her room, so she waited till I was go. He asked me what was wrong and how he could help. And I told him why would I tell me you my most dark secrets right now in front someone I don’t even know. Again, we argued and I be made enraged. Because I knew I was on speak I said something to the fact of “yeah that wasn’t a problem for you a couple hours ago when you were in me and screwing the previous week too”. Of course her became enraged and said he’s done and hanged up. Again my BPD symptoms were heightened and impulsivity took over. I got in my car and went over to Adam’s dorm. The girl open and started verbally attacking me telling me I needed to leave and to leave Adam alone. Of course we got into a verbal altercation that almost because physical because she then started to attack my core being; my mental health issues. She called me “crazy” that I was “insane” and needed to get professional “mental health help”. This broke me to my core. Why would Adam share my dark secrets with her? Why? Why did she feel to attack my mental health? I understand she was man, but it shouldn’t be towards me, it should be towards Adam. I didn’t know about you, you didn’t know about me. Why are you defending him and attacking me? Since the altercation, I have felt broken and completely dead. My BPD symptoms have been completely crazy lately and I don’t know how to deal with them right now. I feel so alone and broken. Everything hurts and I can literally feel my BPD taking over more and more each day. I don’t even know what to do with myself....",3.737818767908312,5.188308454632288,4.9093494508118445,83.17525626790831,72.38108882521492,7.794694364851957,27.318636580706787,8.357121243740313,1.8518450907354345,4140,149,815,67,80,1366,358,1047,0.205,0.735,0.061,-0.9995,3,3,1,0,0,0,119.0,6,9,5,3,44,41,17,1,35,2,92,21,4,11,8,153,169,66,6,17,14,0,17,1,2,7,11,7,5,4,36,53,1,11,37,2,0,18,19,30,1,4,75,27,170,11,112,76,16,124,0,6,3,5,104,38,2,8,69,554,206,13,0.06813657812289872,0.0,0.033245735714195535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030199482690037614,0.0,0.034114470340882525,0.10585341902778213,0.0,0.02724439845390723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04633520962639336,0.07144714309954794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023821339838941098,0.03490698814759331,0.028035299091219143,0.0,0.15924625695741682,0.1937879853264776,0.09602483709818853,0.0,0.0,0.29074797922005896,0.0,0.05797920948647746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4290781745589903,0.0,0.17393766097402955,0.038965046790534884,0.0,0.0,0.07207946506618211,0.0,0.2143197174276352,0.0,0.0,0.027200756653656108,0.07539182771455911,0.0,0.04394245609080145,0.035122910088801584,0.0,0.0691571925310403,0.07071501071321484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034863687967183414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056919367926940835,0.038322239727784604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750535085820251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061236762944941577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503355528318333,0.0,0.2289763008410561,0.03732014542200431,0.03113779900306911,0.028978469271875286,0.0,0.0,0.02632107561883081,0.0,0.03559854983566172,0.0,0.07744717511060473,0.0,0.10899009183950102,0.07512081792374742,0.03753006129405698,0.0,0.030126475504787236,0.036266327203173805,0.0,0.0,0.03496389327867922,0.10863899450190746,0.0,0.0,0.04567051205835399,0.0,0.0341732716871353,0.0,0.06710080438258527,0.0,0.03647080805739551,0.0,0.03679959833411995,0.03555844256077745,0.0,0.0302814606611441,0.037691514209534635,0.0,0.11233824423265584,0.11108081047620336,0.07686102794307352,0.14429359617385815,0.07403059149546637,0.034837133762534944,0.02406344008310604,0.016644045179673866,0.0,0.030082923401249483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967087165401349,0.0,0.0,0.10267852635451714,0.037110354249090184,0.0,0.0,0.10299846728051272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027192983298412174,0.0,0.0,0.12630602330670726,0.0,0.03290336586849404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032689442181297705,0.0,0.0,0.036281615981770064,0.06925666308686705,0.05182093801426568,0.0,0.03997179679066993,0.0,0.0,0.03252203681641248,0.023618662037572,0.0,0.03559411100351312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03259875160886952,0.0,0.06849608046267021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03859273029057684,0.05818826542501768,0.1296269778285335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144404663716336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454492229084819,0.0,0.06818578554474503,0.0,0.1154638030639574,0.026227433345515052,0.0,0.0,0.09645484138486136,0.0,0.027206979652276485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453035745231912,0.0,0.06421791851755215,0.17704998424874574,0.02561511352332314,0.054765600527478926,0.11910874504132445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04526691488847904,0.0,0.0,0.02704641604997468,0.039730986643308784,0.0,0.03229275452977223,0.06510742032533708,0.03785112268219163,0.04626026394299445,0.0,0.0,0.035466290395713175,0.040979957023129454,0.0,0.0,0.028109906395559672,0.040188719134751916,0.0,0.13663763258788506,0.0,0.030631483303278962,0.12632658110218478,0.21518932326199744,0.03803602808836554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992084807523982,0.0345980012560065,0.0,0.048402270164576884,0.03724832595908036,0.0,0.06581658354852309 bpd,crippledwithjoy,2020/03/15,"My entire family doesn’t know what to do with my parentally abusive sister. I don’t know what flair to use so I used the best one I found. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this. Ever since my sister got back from college, she had some minor temper tantrums. She was always fine and seeing her get like that was a complete shock. After some thought, we decided that enough was enough and that she needed to see someone. We still had no idea what we were dealing with and we went about it completely wrong. We bombarded her room and some cops were called all in order to get to the hospital. When we got there, they refused to help her and we were with a situation worse than before which she now says fed into her trauma. More and more verbal and rarely physical abuse sessions started happening so we sent her off to live with my aunt. That didn’t work out so she then lived with my other aunt and uncle. (who has a medical license and later told us that the personality traits that she was expressing matched with BPD) That didn’t work out and then we gave her her own apartment. She didn’t like living alone so we created a room for her in our house again as we hoped things would be different. Now this didn’t even work out because “The misery here is distracting” her. There was another fit just yesterday that included physical aggression and multiple threats. We’re trying out an apartment again because that’s the only thing she’ll accept. We don’t know what to do anymore. She refers to many occasions as “traumatic.” 1. She was helping my mother clean and it was very tense. After saying she couldn’t be around that energy my mother freaked and took her backpack and flung papers across the neighborhood. 2. The referred time about how we had the police in her room to take her to the hospital 3. Various times that she said my father hit her. (He may have, and although unacceptable, it was after extreme provocation) I am just one of the five siblings and want help but our family has literally tried everything to maintain the peace with her and nothing is working. Please help us.",4.042985393658712,6.2652177730673335,4.3271635197719975,84.44540149625935,73.2643391521197,7.675126469540435,25.92098325614535,8.505502328695277,1.860085657285358,1681,58,313,31,35,525,217,401,0.087,0.825,0.08800000000000001,0.2776,2,1,0,0,1,0,35.0,17,1,1,6,22,16,4,1,17,0,35,2,0,4,2,73,64,29,0,5,3,8,0,2,0,3,1,3,4,1,25,43,1,1,11,1,0,4,9,9,0,3,29,5,57,7,44,28,11,42,0,0,2,0,70,18,0,5,21,232,82,8,0.0,0.22128586980107212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967160569791996,0.0,0.0,0.07770168027911195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979196424614773,0.0,0.0,0.0926102991780816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831301799776432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180534097381737,0.0,0.11385015126080306,0.0,0.07946158820101075,0.0,0.09799912150753366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761192853379608,0.0,0.0953539236659577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19581944724012032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627320698632176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756478627401384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929780700030872,0.0,0.06167822844049304,0.08446977353982146,0.0,0.0,0.08392612598536299,0.0,0.1760653287139107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238903800025538,0.0,0.0,0.0975769532785456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14937295407176385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257779337497077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503691550300717,0.0,0.0,0.09274984472202466,0.0,0.10775081115059006,0.0,0.10541742108239946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396165938622913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124389765091398,0.0,0.2473752463027451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467514876684777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407299545588864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924190447022671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960298065936408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655673165437684,0.07102156226604082,0.0,0.0,0.10369016121445034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815379546356228,0.0,0.10250588941611677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340772202008454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882809565000055,0.14852294690487908,0.0,0.0,0.1488274470021438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772469287877947,0.10496578794777628,0.0,0.0,0.07912264803585037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609657973954655,0.0,0.07457534631708619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042396373045873,0.0,0.0,0.08597401492342252,0.0,0.0,0.12407830261423107,0.0,0.0,0.074135235492562,0.16335617512378073,0.0,0.0,0.08923093413215094,0.10375133949419367,0.12680110943443018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246551823185177,0.16130491085969026,0.0,0.07705030220854871,0.0550793892930974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656646800888679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719341472026653,0.0,0.09516469586518787,0.0663362142029327,0.102099051185849,0.0,0.0 bpd,unicornheadonastick,2020/03/15,"Any tips for quitting weed and BPD? Weed is my vice, it’s the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. I have managed to cut down in the past few years and stopped smoking first thing in the morning, but I still can’t make it through 24hrs without a smoke. I’m currently seeing a therapist for DBT and mindfulness but I feel like due to my lack of self control I’m not making progress. It’s the obsession and addiction that controls my life. I think about quitting constantly and I want to but then when I try I get this overwhelming surge of emotion. It causes me to feel so angry I can’t think straight and it doesn’t go away until I smoke again. Other times I just can’t cope with the boredom, being left only with my sober thoughts is hard, I don’t like remembering it hurts and I can’t seem to function until it’s blocked out. When ever I throw it out I just buy more and I get so awful to be around if I don’t smoke. I know this is a vicious cycle caused by weed and my physical, mental health, sleep, diet and financial situation would improve drastically. I know it’s causing poor quality of life but nothing else gives me joy in the same way. I am an addict and I want to stop. Have any of you guys experienced/ overcome this, how did you work through it. If you have any tips for working through this or just how you keep the urge at bay please let me know.",2.4501706484641623,4.170632761092154,3.3985474402730382,91.5712819112628,76.33788395904438,6.599262798634813,25.03058020477816,7.404127859558343,0.9900788805460756,1121,39,246,14,25,358,155,293,0.149,0.7709999999999999,0.079,-0.9683,1,0,3,0,0,0,23.0,0,4,0,9,17,8,2,2,12,1,19,9,3,9,1,61,43,29,0,6,12,0,3,2,0,1,5,0,0,2,19,17,1,6,12,0,2,3,9,5,0,2,2,5,36,3,37,37,4,36,0,2,1,0,7,12,0,4,22,163,55,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22214842781393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078643496615679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070294607374274,0.0,0.0,0.09572821127563484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670016294285142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832581878565338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31400467396131543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010597536114378,0.22855469313557175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511531146385942,0.11461158088086244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216457027164132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303643226377564,0.07278962977607757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733337194458975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646575207276432,0.09774135780305017,0.11581190500914035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088627840086277,0.0,0.0,0.09127266615603574,0.0,0.0,0.10830340287708043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907444338202406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056375886190944,0.0,0.0,0.1679868381433643,0.08305325696409341,0.0,0.0,0.1107028605988426,0.104188560017471,0.1439346410307596,0.09955578503997828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602359884342122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268029954389256,0.0,0.10287899709782217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776538827389324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749129057608345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726472355143123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184369097302016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167433075750525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542054589008907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119246165086293,0.09275605630921048,0.1062926056082948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452767462280895,0.20392546809367976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813688075407572,0.1703677849275496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830115732441487,0.20307187342731892,0.2611458152252448,0.0,0.08088860470234133,0.05941238327263725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917604529555321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019372213966265,0.08087486545115669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821750556460987,0.0,0.14835303072822634,0.0,0.0,0.07237912947142684,0.0,0.0,0.06561327262582096 bpd,jjbkeeper,2020/03/15,"I got med shamed by the pharmacist I got the “you are a 30 yr old white male. What reason do you have to be on these” glare when picking up my meds yesterday. If I could be off them, I would, but the last time I went off them I ended up in emergency, and the a psych hospital for an extended stay. I don’t want to be on them. I know people have it a fuck tonne worse than me, I know I’m high-functioning, but giving me that judging stare makes me feel a shitload more guilty about it. Thanks for that",1.4176220145379048,2.8120676261682256,2.9419937694704075,95.14534787123571,78.34579439252337,6.9985462097611615,20.30010384215992,7.793537801064563,0.4160932502596055,384,9,94,6,9,126,73,107,0.17,0.754,0.076,-0.907,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,3,0,2,3,1,1,9,0,10,1,0,3,0,13,22,5,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,3,18,1,14,14,1,15,0,0,2,1,7,7,1,1,6,63,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698614161702459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884309705135058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757143262030047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19668146055742175,0.0,0.20408660614744414,0.0,0.0,0.3403069183719638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22477921436931214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23384071625170566,0.17341745320796487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201048188758092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4726286034306802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22324251460697164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474921978396199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187396683916563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267603262524605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586914016977147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124054667724959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548387593070234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19721888842270785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21680768509223095,0.15112958548718858,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,19hannahf,2020/03/15,"LAMOTRIGINE HELP I haven’t been diagnosed with BPD but I’m on lamotrigine to regulate my moods. I went off but couldn’t cope anymore so I started taking them again without the assistance of a psychiatrist (bad idea, I know. But he sucked and I haven’t been able to find another one) I’ve been cutting them up to get back on. I’ve been taking 25 for the past two weeks, but not working and I feel like a horrible person. I’m freaking out and I don’t know too many people that I can talk to for help. It’s been a while so I can’t exactly remember the steps I took the first time and I need to up the dosage so I can feel normal again but I’m nervous I’ll develop the rash if I’m too quick about it. Any advice? I hate feeling this way and just want to feel okay again",0.1250143540669839,2.280358624242428,2.3859330143540696,93.42416267942585,87.0,6.140350877192982,20.199362041467303,7.475848149327749,0.5859696969696975,603,19,140,11,19,204,96,165,0.156,0.755,0.08900000000000001,-0.9311,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,2,12,9,3,1,9,1,12,2,1,0,1,30,32,15,0,5,9,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,9,0,0,3,7,6,0,3,7,4,16,2,18,24,0,21,0,0,0,0,7,6,1,1,12,86,20,1,0.16519925708202324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143080207620147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234115973968356,0.17322582503907216,0.0,0.0,0.16383327266079215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702803155449496,0.13793447928591124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080626812206586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767376852121066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.334118832251841,0.11801838226776976,0.0,0.0,0.15098912813608562,0.14051840368188934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630979347746716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631000650606662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22145915954238676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18648985312292188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18157838271694046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070801247348515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748611763248744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224931558941344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186019681697172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194329198915633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770138357036073,0.11452836433436925,0.14424561925163204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713855460339213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692888443856593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484185640489365,0.13278090520589067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963290153017618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835424530870925,0.0,0.0,0.16137566977824122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743880199214004,0.13112748087923293,0.13251287936562298,0.0,0.0,0.15314136637556944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924618867783394,0.0,0.12026702666936882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,giulia977,2020/03/15,"DAE have romantic thoughts abt their friends after a fight with their partner? Hi, I rly wanna get this off my chest and I'm wondering if I'm the only one. Whenever I have a fight with my boyfriend my symptoms come back worse than ever (bad breakdown, suicidality, splitting). Whenever that happens there's at least one good friend in my life that I suddenly can't stop thinking about and it's as if I have romantic feelings for them. I develop so many fantasies to cope with (potential) loss of my current relationship. Does anybody else do that?",5.1702941176470585,7.127396960784317,5.462892156862747,78.60551470588237,69.58823529411765,9.02156862745098,35.299019607843135,9.516144504307137,3.5778784313725502,438,23,78,10,8,139,76,102,0.099,0.745,0.157,0.7390000000000001,1,0,0,0,2,0,13.0,0,0,3,1,5,7,2,0,3,0,5,3,1,0,1,15,14,6,1,3,2,0,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,4,1,0,1,1,4,0,2,1,1,13,3,14,13,1,10,0,1,0,0,10,3,0,3,6,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717688195237774,0.18651664824392464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924258859689386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19548519905867104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660900715889286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20206398423296268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294986762811668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34517247590582256,0.0,0.11670913228790368,0.0,0.0,0.1873642413582704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975380924946684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778301222528232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264767261233285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027421094899664,0.1698939068560451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23983125277254336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18675936591437486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443462834166816,0.0,0.0,0.2321819302038885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313570750303442,0.0,0.17734226609017714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422508593750425,0.0,0.0,0.2276477939860079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,witchesandwolves,2020/03/15,"Rediagnosis? Hi all. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder in 2015. I was put on antipsychotic medication, up until 2017. I have been out of care since then. Within the last month I started talk therapy again, without the use of medications because of the lasting damage they caused to my body prior. My therapist doesn’t think I have BPD. At all. ... I’m not sure how to react to this. Is this possible? I know that psychiatric diagnoses like this are typically up to personal opinion of that *specific* doctor/therapist, and i’m not doubting her capabilities to decide if I do or not. I’m moreso just dumbfounded how something I thought I carried all this time, may not be. Has anyone else had this happen?",3.8862813522355495,6.80081854961832,5.804323882224648,70.11459923664125,77.2442748091603,9.544383860414397,30.731188658669573,9.784248007369934,3.921804362050163,574,28,94,19,14,197,93,131,0.085,0.856,0.06,-0.505,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,1,3,0,13,5,1,5,4,27,23,7,0,1,8,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,2,7,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,5,0,13,3,19,16,3,17,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,5,10,70,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909193445750393,0.1598596421885979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951075791321602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17330165432199346,0.19650014823941805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590715091231636,0.16027422895136256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167114849907869,0.0,0.0,0.17881099915253093,0.15969179708108988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033364196202166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796686136987413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574382227419332,0.25435220222472305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622287823124511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31434494413713154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453267413804076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724591012625866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758876932836312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684193187602194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290603185159037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011085265826373,0.0,0.0,0.11043087107620447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704582121073384,0.0,0.0,0.1254019577333554,0.0,0.0,0.1784210326271121,0.36229957729661694,0.0,0.0999705123440078,0.0,0.123861456449688,0.090975785160044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475010269288798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039650310268962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,KerfuffleNut,2020/03/15,"I’m barley even existing *I have no direction in life * Due to my poor mental health I’m on a disability pension (welfare) *I’m only 30 and I haven’t worked since I was 19 *I flunked out of University because I couldn’t cope anymore * I’m miserable. I guess I just feel like a piece of shit and like there is no point to living.",-1.8672282608695667,-0.9317384202898502,1.3121648550724636,93.33607336956524,121.6086956521739,4.623550724637682,18.805253623188406,6.322622252153567,0.4740210144927533,255,10,56,5,16,89,48,69,0.247,0.682,0.071,-0.9081,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,1,2,0,5,3,1,0,0,7,11,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,8,2,7,9,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,1,3,30,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876120679945578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176787450943483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19154892047049327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663780857695724,0.20718325669831236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194787954440156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082671499856617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048426937476743,0.28336854894292496,0.0,0.25608421090395833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922619461550485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22056573163921595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741532619655757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976911761140931,0.2398993322779825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21113078979720448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cturmon,2020/03/15,"I feel like everyone dislikes me and I don't know what to do I try to be likeable. I try to be sociable and everyone says ""they love me"" and I'm ""so positive"" and have ""such a good energy,"" but what they say I am and how they treat me seem. Like two totally different things. People rarely seem to wanna hang out or associate themselves with me. People seem awkward around me. I just don't know what to do. It feels like no matter who I know and who I meet, I am just 100% unlikeable and will never be likeable. I feel like my own family and childhood best friends pretend to like me because they feel obligated to. Its such a lonely and horrible feeling.",1.945102759835585,4.154076687022903,3.743053435114508,86.1748620082208,79.83969465648855,7.694891368173812,25.344098649442163,8.617729084823388,1.9665027598355844,510,20,104,12,13,171,72,131,0.10300000000000001,0.6,0.297,0.9823,1,2,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,4,1,7,12,0,1,2,0,11,1,0,1,2,32,24,13,0,1,4,0,5,5,1,1,0,2,0,0,8,12,0,0,11,1,0,1,4,2,0,1,0,7,21,10,11,20,3,5,0,1,0,1,11,2,0,4,7,76,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320778894003015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044301173458287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570178165474602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501170639025227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28354163199361204,0.0,0.0,0.1398669954723879,0.0,0.3750935083649997,0.31797977090746643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462780585527554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444301548827245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446155057738367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624225710094363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339068111868144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442960692541995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20571768766678014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359744362394633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052026315591487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856829573848447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20146260855227616,0.0,0.14493278510262989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lunaxsugar,2020/03/15,"I’m high and I just realized When I talk to people I don’t ask them about themselves at all. I answer their question but don’t ask, “and you” or try to bounce back a question. Am I a narcissist?",0.6414285714285732,2.380827666666669,2.833571428571432,93.44892857142858,81.85714285714286,6.104761904761905,22.404761904761905,7.1686216300943375,0.6210761904761908,150,5,35,2,4,51,30,42,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,10,6,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,4,6,1,4,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,3,2,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.544052152625269,0.0,0.0,0.22374488219865327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074352787211567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20172819394910266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6519261247942392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338778900212855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19755563380313296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ParliamentaryPurim,2020/03/15,"How to respond to iMessage blocking Hi all, my pwBPD recently blocked me after I said something that upset him. I understand why it was upsetting, but didn’t really know how to respond. My initial instinct was panic and my anxiety sky rocketed. I don’t have BPD, but have recently been diagnosed with bipolar ii, so have my own mental health stuff that I work on. But I have been doing so much research on BPD that I had to remind myself that this was a response that wasn’t necessarily meant to hurt me. In my panic I called and left a couple messages, but then once I recollected myself I messaged on Facebook explaining what I had said more clearly and my intentions behind what I had said. We talked via messenger and then he unblocked me. But he would never give me answer why he blocked. The whole thing maybe lasted 20 minutes, which I know isn’t that long. So I’m just wondering if you have BPD and this is something that has happened to you, is there a response that helps from the other person? What do you think would help you?",6.355633333333337,6.707743829999997,6.604000000000003,77.40033333333336,65.7,9.466666666666667,33.66666666666667,9.2995712137729,3.002216666666667,826,34,151,14,12,266,113,200,0.126,0.821,0.053,-0.9156,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,1,4,0,1,7,5,0,4,5,0,24,3,0,3,3,34,37,18,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,18,7,0,3,9,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,14,3,30,0,14,21,5,14,0,1,0,0,24,6,0,2,8,117,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468428245633212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4676547680357121,0.0,0.12638377078813795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694997707538287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562470255505984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873217835513547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094500625548821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156251596975782,0.0,0.0,0.16592184508626093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249914423858614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604233101231292,0.1008896780286789,0.0,0.0,0.13447727844676305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953321599848664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434435098743647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247318014915456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098574007515922,0.0,0.09545963008585696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181180580403207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904366067298291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807184196533652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929070967236572,0.0,0.2444173611203894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35320297000587125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905695354150852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168789308916635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948223785148322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222778441877923,0.07930729684689683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884971233304698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233676951919941,0.13818561859150552,0.0,0.0,0.13422409509845795,0.09010657770603928,0.0,0.0,0.17584637461057884,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,darkforces422,2020/03/15,"Just got dumped by my BPD fiancé. This time it’s for real. I tried my best to help her, I did all I could and she still left. Nothing was ever good enough for her. I took it for almost 2 years because of my own co-dependency issues and now that I am putting up boundaries she says I’ve changed. I need to let her go. After much physical abuse, verbal abuse, love bombing, fights and make ups and break ups she’s gone for good. Completely ghosted me. I need to find the strength to let her go please help me feel like I’m not insane. No one understands how hard it is to leave a bpd and I feel ashamed I’ve taken all this abuse. Help me be strong. Please.",0.2816879562043795,2.503487802919711,1.530396897810217,99.34114279197081,87.02919708029195,4.592883211678832,18.05155109489052,5.985473137389443,-0.488021532846715,507,13,119,4,16,160,89,137,0.17600000000000002,0.612,0.212,0.6941,0,0,0,0,4,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,5,10,2,1,2,0,8,1,0,2,3,21,22,6,1,3,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,4,0,0,5,2,3,0,1,6,4,21,7,15,12,6,16,0,0,0,1,13,4,0,1,7,71,27,0,0.0,0.4468388187209825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588081118513358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663189572582453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192531371143226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166557073031477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298493925974844,0.0,0.13180496728211066,0.0,0.0,0.10036952877173333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298924522635995,0.0,0.0,0.11371225784424925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712591528824285,0.08980753802778375,0.0,0.0,0.1148970321936584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288823964587175,0.21087984585674832,0.1005420942697221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126118303104674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25278310264089393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120900161438204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331091671194584,0.1365847222138563,0.2570948112969857,0.0,0.06141575371634974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345854804083125,0.0,0.0839126711001719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241161166499566,0.18642534399677135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062252345861355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518462343825044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27598454782987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263736778775392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308596172723104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996995923206456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003924913476288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330274774707281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396688847838354,0.08534911274591818,0.0,0.0,0.1308689644051027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095337886176969 bpd,swirlturls,2020/03/15,"constantly getting upset over my boyfriend leaving to hang with other people. tw for assault mentioned briefly This is my first time here so hello everyone and hopefully this doesn't break rules or anything. I'm kind of terrified to post here because I've always felt so different for the way my mind works and I'm scared everyone is going to think I'm ridiculous but I'm just going to try it. I can always delete I guess if it goes badly!! so: I've got a small problem with my boyfriend being my fp and being super attached to him. It's honestly awful because I've never been in love before until my current bf so this is super intense. The thing is, I have next to no friends except for one girl who is dating my bfs family member so I don't get too close to her in case my bf and I ever split I would feel awkward being in the middle and I don't wanna disrespect him like that. But anyways I don't have any friends except her and my boyfriend has a few and his brother too. So naturally, there are going to be times he goes out without me. I know that this is normal and I KNOW he is allowed to do this. I never get angry or tell him he can't go out but because I have no one in my life but him, yet I am so attached and literally I feel like my heart is breaking into a million pieces when I don't see him. His brother doesn't like me much and it was his bday so they went out and I didn't go and my bf doesn't have a phone so I can't even message or text him. I hate being without someone that makes me feel less alone and depressed and I'll just be at home and worry to myself I'm going to go back to having absolutely no one and I feel like when we're apart in certain situations that I'm back to that place in my life. It's like when he's gone out to party and have fun and I'm at home alone because I have no one else I'm brought back to my life before him and I can't stop crying. It's frustrating too because my bf doesn't really understand bpd and I don't engage in fighting but I am someone who wears their emotions on their face so he can tell I'm upset when he mentions going away. I say everything is fine and I hope he has fun and so he'll press and press about whats wrong and I'll say that I'm just sad because I'm going to miss him but sometimes he doesn't let up and expects me to be 100 percent okay and I feel like I just can't. I genuinely don't give him a hard time and I work very hard by telling myself and reminding myself that theres nothing wrong with him going out of town with friends or family when he does and that I need to relax and not have any beef over simple normal stuff. It's just hard because he expects me to be perfectly happy about it and I **can't** (at least not right now. I will work on this.) Like over the summer someone at my work went away for a month so we couldn't book any days off and he went to his trailer every other weekend so I wouldn't see him all weekend and it made me feel like I could off myself. Then he recently told me he's going to go every single weekend this summer and I'm triggered every time I think about it. Now he's gone for the night and I'm just thinking about how it's gonna be in the summer and I'm really upset. I also don't think I would be as upset about him going away tonight but he rejected hanging out with me the day before yesterday due to his brother being there and irrationally I thought he was choosing him over me even though there were extenuating circumstances I couldn't get those thoughts out of my head. and then yesterday i came over and he passed out right away and I just felt upset our time together wasn't us talking and bonding. I literally feel insane for being so dependent on someone and being so scared when they leave. I hate this and I know why i'm like this (severe childhood neglect, child sexual abuse by family member, bullying, parent deciding to just abandon me for 3 years at one point!!! rape by my first boyfriend at 16) but oh my god I just wish nothing traumatic ever happened to me so I could just be a normal girl and have a normal time and not break down when my boyfriend leaves.",1.7098920842326315,3.53546366359447,3.417874351047076,90.12777897684192,78.83870967741936,6.1000058332847225,22.853701219156505,7.038699335229291,0.6964153415388199,3252,103,698,37,79,1083,307,868,0.147,0.718,0.134,-0.9364,4,3,0,0,3,0,45.0,3,0,4,9,61,53,7,8,15,2,72,9,4,6,7,150,149,88,0,20,30,4,14,9,7,6,3,2,2,3,36,62,0,3,21,5,0,23,33,25,0,8,20,18,108,28,93,104,8,126,0,6,2,2,76,48,0,9,59,464,144,5,0.0,0.0595341131623125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408083780475412,0.0,0.04018226112977486,0.08361854520213136,0.0,0.0,0.10250841998918753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041348745902413137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888336831637228,0.11590981292307435,0.041953888691654166,0.21440941784308826,0.0,0.12826870115842695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328394911851623,0.0,0.0,0.05746882933459022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054298823170090126,0.0,0.08023578928591987,0.0,0.05519363133468108,0.06480991857139068,0.0,0.043277401859604485,0.0,0.0,0.0524970982730668,0.0,0.0,0.04397121843755029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04197466332852835,0.05652076504551465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637493184591006,0.0909020184837898,0.12700501441951895,0.09602573422293753,0.04515848649693482,0.0,0.14210432703683082,0.0,0.17784365916799608,0.14358498611410894,0.09648940736508596,0.0,0.0,0.08547962043600603,0.0,0.0,0.11646140789510395,0.0,0.10500729004957854,0.04820120512392507,0.3712325861332092,0.0,0.04018686940603837,0.0,0.05535239567449431,0.0,0.044432983451668635,0.05348853755612267,0.1350334986892515,0.0992164107274904,0.051567601766446126,0.0,0.0,0.05954257149051639,0.0,0.0,0.10080305710653577,0.0998126045089423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05232419714634814,0.08284280293899514,0.0,0.0,0.1596119741078573,0.0,0.05138064649242858,0.10647217277370877,0.22093195917583566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04534960094310175,0.04754463451897545,0.033540056824039925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0507348348080864,0.0,0.040106429864583765,0.0,0.03693709979443993,0.037257285157974745,0.07750669236539587,0.0,0.05343792656736305,0.04715311627513544,0.1969243575942385,0.09642611152805262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024229315991288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579300474186539,0.0,0.0,0.034834729316385815,0.0,0.0524970982730668,0.0,0.04749936474087858,0.0,0.04812244109740075,0.0,0.0,0.04807929791029783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437863457550187,0.0,0.04961254616239756,0.0,0.0,0.08582080018952991,0.0,0.07991637185134322,0.1006114078228968,0.0,0.08008021550990843,0.0,0.0,0.05676445937123386,0.0,0.0,0.05647938662754989,0.0,0.0,0.17029543499014022,0.0,0.0496952628104388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04200848408689335,0.0,0.0,0.05752044048194016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04038638740817007,0.1317534695486336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03338166922028881,0.1287842044540724,0.04936711939398479,0.07978052106257873,0.17579549971851985,0.0,0.0,0.048012867111468766,0.0,0.034114205326180126,0.0,0.0,0.05230857801452362,0.06044058329921333,0.0,0.0,0.0414587828404748,0.0,0.039883485011903454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973755957763734,0.045339823808353455,0.0,0.05778121560580617,0.09687203531629827,0.0,0.14632075971966996,0.0510279543660746,0.0,0.07138761614859626,0.10987373884337588,0.0,0.03235722199666965 bpd,CanYouKnot78,2020/03/15,"I am dumb I isolated myself from everyone, and have been feeling really lonely even though I ultimately caused the loneliness. Nobody has reached out, and I just saw my two best friends together at the store... I feel so defeated and it makes me want to self-harm even though I haven’t in months.",5.335178571428571,6.7601935892857155,5.673571428571428,79.32142857142857,68.46428571428571,10.6,30.07142857142857,10.686352973137794,3.341335714285714,235,9,45,7,4,75,45,56,0.235,0.5870000000000001,0.17800000000000002,-0.6892,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,0,10,10,6,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,2,3,9,2,5,8,1,4,0,2,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786988793364377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728131028575309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508123926294738,0.0,0.0,0.25376310483418146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685599080927708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051783909801283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17726975013225538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21197509706351247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17013066681621028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27704698004320005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5218415082378982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594228810867334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566398130348705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Nelson154,2020/03/15,"From someone wanting to learn about BPD, how severe are the mood swings? Like compared to mood swings in anxiety, or adhd or just general mood swings. To what extent do they go to I'm curious about this because I have to learn more about the condition. Like for someone with the condition how severe are the swings? How low does the sadness and depression go? How intense is the anger and all that? And how fast does it happen? I'm curious about your personal experience. No judgements here(:",2.9955944055944066,5.9513005274725295,3.5858141858141863,84.08873126873128,82.18681318681318,7.2651348651348675,26.954045954045963,8.296473431620573,2.365452747252748,392,17,69,9,11,123,55,91,0.207,0.6920000000000001,0.10099999999999999,-0.9111,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,0,11,9,1,0,6,0,5,0,0,5,1,17,11,10,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,13,11,3,5,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,2,3,46,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26310255089149903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167475271768991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345325032511554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27572548593080504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18855780689689602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3831614726810965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21414841558844544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248837639123542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19359262694910026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21390915302260013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911548636603705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4946406904670702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709849987120648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912628478196664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nninjacatt,2020/03/15,"well today was a fucking nightmare suicidal ideation and sh/// woke up fine. played with my animals and fed them. whatever. I got on snapchat and my groupchat was talking about coronavirus. it was pretty normal until one girl said that it ""doesnt matter because it only affects disabled people"". im physically disabled and have been seeing this steaming heap of shit of a take ever since the beginning of the outbreak. I pretty much just snapped and went apeshit on everyone, even the people who had nothinf to do with it. i was a monster. i tore the whole groupchat apart and most people left. two people were completely driven out of my lifw. the anger wore down to disgust and hatred of myself. I had a scream-cry while rolling on the floor of my bedroom. almost stabbed my blade into my wrist to let myself bleed out. i left some huge bruises from hitting myself and my stomach is all cut up. i passed out due to exauhstion and vented to my fp when I woke up. she has a hard time dealing with emotions and made an off topic joke that I took as her brushing off my experience and accused her of not ever caring about me. we kinda made up but its awkward. i cant stop apollogizing for being so abusive and crazy. so now im here and the guilt is going to kill me if i dont do it first in a fit of unjustified rage.",4.024302325581395,5.6301234844961225,4.762705426356593,83.89266279069768,71.90697674418605,7.020465116279071,29.17906976744186,7.554174236665415,1.7964148837209302,1041,42,197,12,20,335,162,258,0.182,0.754,0.064,-0.9866,0,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,1,0,1,2,12,14,7,2,14,0,19,6,3,3,3,38,37,21,2,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,10,21,1,1,0,2,0,5,4,9,1,3,19,4,30,5,38,15,5,38,0,0,1,1,10,21,2,5,12,146,40,0,0.0,0.15160103745475273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812446527768045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799775494492346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304545936351378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415421139228395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054818870686914,0.0,0.13191188458027614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995764395507347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392767714999105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451044278928174,0.2314780480781138,0.0,0.12226268400826057,0.0,0.12516065064147575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883507329660233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828865735420968,0.0,0.0,0.07271751399890276,0.0,0.10233412022790987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461898288254352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764181188732808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155884747286948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27803831789761424,0.1308385881572022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24214070003302124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405872283912116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536483423379532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670292338563641,0.09731251734119482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35482051034650514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26034437563194995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171072168119836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196039804778312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133988458963655,0.1058424069729403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697278301788897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399576499373219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620324426581606,0.1028421841681856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460926943555929,0.0,0.12128260720824152,0.0,0.14215829251799622,0.0,0.0,0.1249895557336652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504333438797533,0.11861187856900672,0.0,0.14285274581175275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dreamyprime,2020/03/15,"is anyone taking lamictal+ trintellix? i’ve been on lamictal for 2 years now and it is working really well but my doctor started adding antidepressants too. i began taking lamictal+zoloft and it was awful, couldn’t sleep and had 0 sex drive so he switched me to lamictal+luvox and it was even worse. Is somebody under this combo? :p",4.050714285714285,7.206676166666668,5.059523809523808,74.05500000000005,79.0,8.095238095238095,25.23809523809524,8.841846274778883,2.688309523809524,270,10,42,7,7,88,50,60,0.132,0.7929999999999999,0.075,-0.6921,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,1,8,3,1,0,0,6,12,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,0,3,1,4,6,0,7,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,29,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23387422256986276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34235156869156785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209190241188623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214274647506114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33471873732568136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367446708970111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5029704291874353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007351556273565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435033720308961,0.0,0.3408608235463383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21539233888168924 bpd,MePideMePerdona,2020/03/15,"I don't know if what I feel it's because of my BPD or if it's what I truly feel So I was diagnosed with depression when I was 16. I'm 20. I truly believe that I have BPD, but I haven't asked my psychiatrist yet because I don't want doctors to judge me based off it. That being said, I don't really know if what I feel and think is what I really think and feel. (I don't know how to explain this because English is not my first language) For example if I think I love someone, I don't know if it's my BPD or if I truly love that person. And that happens with all parts of my life. I don't know if this is a common BPD thing or if I'm just crazy.",2.6089114114114125,2.1451448310810832,4.935495495495495,88.96686186186191,73.66216216216216,8.1993993993994,25.903903903903903,7.793537801064563,1.1019435435435438,497,14,126,6,9,177,65,148,0.05,0.8079999999999999,0.142,0.9389,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,0,14,5,0,1,1,35,35,18,0,9,14,0,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,15,5,0,0,13,0,0,0,8,1,0,1,3,5,24,2,8,31,2,5,0,1,0,2,6,1,0,11,4,86,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041454927493035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355535531165833,0.0,0.0,0.1451182370836271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6488975751191034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109388775325956,0.13073356207630704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183656707229927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605091153034693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095607954221295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390113772411113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539371271070001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097822287861797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23250165716971374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948240780062776,0.0,0.0,0.11246686816300128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165030550587507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252229979625333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091353893425704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855717939232381,0.2475976110883207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597206039577392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,justbe22,2020/03/15,"Diagnosed with BPD and PTSD today I’ve been diagnosed with BPD and PTSD today. I’ve always suspected I had BPD, but hearing that I have it from a psychologist who is a head of the BPD department at a leading mental health facility makes me feel more at ease in knowing what I have. I feel like now I’ve got a shot at getting better. Any success stories here? Can someone enlighten me about their journey, their diagnosis, how things have been working out for them? I used to think that I didn’t have BPD because i was never suicidal, but I met 6/9 criteria for BPD. It just feels good knowing what I have. Everyone on this forum is incredibly strong because I know how hard it is to deal with crazy intense emotions...it feels good knowing that people can relate to this too.",6.245733333333334,6.5705473066666675,6.800666666666667,75.99033333333338,65.93333333333334,9.866666666666667,34.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,3.309066666666668,616,27,114,12,9,202,92,150,0.038,0.721,0.242,0.9894,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,3,5,7,6,0,0,5,0,15,4,1,5,1,26,30,6,1,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,12,6,0,0,11,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,7,6,15,6,17,23,1,13,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,5,76,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324197823856355,0.0,0.0,0.06803118969508197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219679134307808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847797757379253,0.0,0.0,0.7559874813855932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313769499095972,0.0,0.2030786575390196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559329284198201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233458253675934,0.07146918342457872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05226720060763953,0.0,0.0,0.16781899064441774,0.0800117844788377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961692674112091,0.0,0.10267074543526036,0.10633871596187164,0.11275327745292113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21991927852207815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04887489250796101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677802570035032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081761900381238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715764946193865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935570985339094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23388473540459695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476426407149833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942842228974846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664626770553138,0.06410211944445167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18965400410665254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640315004336757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283091009890229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,trevor_magilister,2020/03/15,"I posted this elsewhere but I'm currently in line for the suicide hotline chat but there are 36 ppl ahead of me and I'm worried about how I feel. I don't like that this is happening. I can -KNOW- it's for the best but we all know that's not where our emotions rest. God, do our emotions ever fucking rest?! I want to die for the shitty position I let myself get into but also I have been down this road too many times to think either I cause ppl to mistreat me or drive them to... or I pick ppl magically who will know how to destroy me either way I want to die. We were friends before we dated. 5 years the man seemed normal. Kind, warm, logical. He was let go from him job 9.18 we started dating 12.18 - he was collecting unemployment. For the last 15 months I have: Worked a job that provided more than 90% of all we had (rent, bills, food, life) yet he'd yell in my face that my measly $34K a year was a stupid joke and I was a stupid joke. I work at a call center from home. He repeatedly accused me of cheating (while he wasn't working and I worked from home so literally we were together in this home 99.9% of the time) He called me money hungry and that I'm just pushing him to work so I don't have to. (I've had full time employment since the age 15 and am now 38) Would always have money for weed he chain smokes, convinced me to try heroin twice (not blaming him, obviously my choice, but the state of mind I was in from this madness isn't the state of mind I would normally have) Accused me of things I can't even decipher because of his cryptic way of saying a weird phrase then turning it into, ""why are you so obsessed with that thing I said, is it cause it means something to you."" When I never once understood his strange accusations. Getting mad at me for saying I'd work in another room so he can sleep longer (clearly cheating) Getting mad working in the same room as him (clearly being a bitch waking him up) Breaking the china my grandma who passed away gave me because he felt I ""belittled"" him by posting a meme that was about me always being late to an event. Throwing a carton of eggs at my child's bed because he ""just knew"" I was being a whore and why won't I just admit it. Screamed like a monster while we live in a paper thin wall apartment that ""Of course you're a whore, you love rough sex, you are just begging people to rape you. You probably set up rapes while I'm not home."" (pretty sure that's not how rape works.) He left, he's a 4 hour away car ride. I miss him but the peace and lack of egg shells is refreshing. His texts are terrifying. It's only a 4 hour ride, so I won't sleep tonight. This whole thing aches and frustrates and makes me feel humiliated. The excuses I'd made for behavior, the excuses I made in my own head.",2.5971348744641745,4.0905768503521145,3.809454990814455,89.74350581751379,75.39084507042253,6.7701163502755675,24.495713410900184,7.423996415210882,0.9508241273729334,2153,69,469,26,46,702,280,568,0.237,0.696,0.066,-0.9990000000000001,7,0,2,0,0,3,77.0,9,6,1,10,24,31,14,1,30,0,44,17,5,9,8,77,77,32,3,7,18,0,6,2,1,5,1,5,8,2,26,19,3,0,13,3,4,8,12,20,0,1,20,11,71,11,60,46,13,72,0,1,0,8,54,28,2,3,30,291,97,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06097827515154624,0.12689466729211268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799563175910628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14328153725158366,0.0,0.0,0.1394465700114338,0.0,0.0648843870624812,0.0,0.08002121623334305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572255805955784,0.0,0.0,0.15666253374989822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827398016918015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17154528718979534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05036337855892719,0.06897382251627578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711007137260717,0.05447406731679201,0.07321337159841919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220358343375483,0.0,0.05891169864091968,0.07049325779077391,0.11951474193204455,0.0,0.043335469138676766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742892546463156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825600951783304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059457770436229,0.0,0.15018468179628902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133564167495228,0.0,0.0,0.07940417490118591,0.1257174457063132,0.0621551273809027,0.08601498246094072,0.0,0.08284744817323833,0.15594459401678745,0.05385867017628899,0.07450523587944115,0.0,0.06733144736624569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881993114798053,0.144301974262444,0.05089845011482713,0.07730702515341878,0.0,0.08306020763133566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539845011063006,0.0,0.060863198009944414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05880983648330891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942050700731985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120532982301264,0.0,0.05799268099442904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05286317019900641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605566594294947,0.07757516061259104,0.08221198429195581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253261192814199,0.12127646316681524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941647692084693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307600616006111,0.0,0.15261308115890854,0.0,0.0,0.05870210897727835,0.0,0.0,0.05397118482552984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340673499470919,0.0,0.07186611059972361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197427074787007,0.048858864792419264,0.0,0.0,0.13338854074959242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05176974467011065,0.08293970611187634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995018838581323,0.12104973959548035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376101878676878,0.08513204614769776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4440958420808168,0.07743707183888078,0.0,0.10833371685737336,0.0,0.0,0.09820689680355184 bpd,Xyoyogod,2020/03/15,"Girlfriend broke up with me during an episode, got with someone else 3 days later. Please help me. I don’t know how to handle this. I’ve already sent an aggressive text message when I found out. And in return received a very detailed message about how he treats her better than I ever have and how I’m a low life, druggie, compulsive liar, mentally ill, crazy, and that she was never happy with me. This is coming from the love of my life, someone who said they could never get tired of me, someone who said they could never be with anyone else... except for 3 days after leaving me I guess. Ive cut myself on every possible surface on my legs and plan on committing suicide tomorrow. I just can’t deal with this bullshit at all. I never thought shit could be this bad and I’m in full crisis mode. Now she’s threatening me about telling people she cheated, saying she’s gonna ruin my life more than it already has. I can’t deal with this, someone help me please.",4.170924812030074,5.507538047368421,4.732330827067671,85.3063157894737,71.15789473684211,6.9022556390977465,27.781954887218053,7.1686216300943375,1.454616541353384,759,27,145,7,14,242,119,190,0.221,0.67,0.11,-0.9778,0,0,1,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,2,2,9,13,5,0,5,0,13,8,2,3,7,32,27,9,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,5,3,0,0,9,13,0,0,3,0,0,3,7,9,0,0,7,3,26,4,25,14,3,27,0,3,0,1,24,11,1,1,13,96,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25303513404904143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016495796605345,0.11747102625180188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572678153688496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013973586652548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987596062958424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746127038019017,0.0,0.0,0.14787770835986844,0.23639531864714905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915483666396648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370621098576084,0.09659637956949584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570625837510693,0.0,0.0,0.05989915492837231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916949486269775,0.0,0.12629834452818192,0.0,0.0,0.12204555308316375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369306278319025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300786527107605,0.0,0.0,0.12139630002191155,0.0,0.0,0.242939063355379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347482623532817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553881038228606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35369623360729113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948289484377492,0.0,0.0,0.2516994411038489,0.0,0.12924905593567024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21811412160586627,0.09117315829361758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768512733874364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38856550394750056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254069463085601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020791865806733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101817196001152,0.0,0.13177168563496722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459709150977408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,zmeyka_,2020/03/15,I'm hypomanic rn and I know im going to crash Gotta work in 2 hrs and I'm afraid I'm gonna crash bad 😬 using an ice pack rn.tried to do accepts skills and I think it made it worse lmao,-1.9832608695652143,-0.4824997608695654,1.3371304347826083,101.86221739130436,90.08695652173913,4.5495652173913035,15.72173913043478,5.6839178017228535,-1.0558904347826088,145,3,42,1,5,52,34,46,0.249,0.622,0.129,-0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,8,11,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,3,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,12,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257410132345533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217190248331099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4214057411513767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21440442837032225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691490325462593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24997859886001786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648716520729123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33694577608544884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840182043590657,0.0,0.3975742850398796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Shade5250,2020/03/15,BPD Is anyone else diagnosed with BPD but choose to stay alone rather than make friends or relationships? I feel at odds because at this point I’d rather have some good friends but my thoughts that they’ll learn to dislike me or just leave take over. So I choose to stay a loner and take my mind off everything rather than make friends. Anybody else like this?,6.990652173913045,7.1964086086956565,4.989673913043479,90.01320652173916,64.36231884057972,8.63913043478261,31.74275362318841,8.07648339933343,1.839344927536232,290,10,61,3,4,81,49,69,0.11900000000000001,0.647,0.23399999999999999,0.9146,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,19,9,6,0,3,8,0,1,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,5,10,7,1,7,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,3,1,33,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779758141583413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003513863836858,0.1758954445918567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464798798792582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4324228487407868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424068607034274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868152785071204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428526228077438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680113632863527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3978937350768826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398803113959638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18177296006923252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386892946212347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291811291930839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333701597082266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16228293983488673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843085406378536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659531813142577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581478391894114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628621740757724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,paperdoll09,2020/03/15,"How to get along best with my BPD sister Hello, I (21F) have a sister (26F) with BPD. I love my sister more than anyone or anything, but I’m caught between respecting myself enough to set boundaries and dealing with her getting mad at me. I have my own mental health issues, and I have been trying to work on myself. My therapist often says that I need to set boundaries with the people in my life, so I have been. I have always been the person in my family who mediated everything. Essentially, I get along with everybody because I let everybody walk all over me. Now that I am standing up for myself, I am facing a lot of backlash from the manipulative side of my family members. In regards to my sister, i know her illness affects how she treats me in a lot of cases, so I want to be there for her, but I also know that I need to protect myself. My sister knows my biggest insecurities and uses them against me in an effort to really hurt me. When that happens, I find myself sinking to that level of insults and then feeling terrible afterwards. I dont know how to keep my sister in my life while also setting these boundaries. I don’t want to be mean to her, but whenever she throws these deep insults at me, I can’t help but stoop to that level, and I hate that! I don’t want to be like that. I am in a really tough spot, and would love any advice about setting healthy boundaries but still being able to keep her as a friend if at all possible. Thanks in advance for the advice. ❤️ TLDR; trying to set healthy boundaries with my BPD older sister despite her, for lack of a better word, bullying",6.540374837632214,5.8907709053627775,7.390870291334199,75.28615327519022,65.49842271293376,9.730116904806088,32.52718500649471,9.007467420416297,2.7073308220449066,1255,44,236,18,17,422,154,317,0.11599999999999999,0.727,0.157,0.8932,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,1,5,13,17,4,1,11,0,21,7,1,6,2,49,45,24,0,8,7,7,1,1,1,1,4,1,0,1,11,14,0,3,7,0,0,4,4,8,0,0,4,2,55,9,53,35,9,36,0,1,0,2,27,19,0,5,8,187,66,1,0.11179448693063077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184885575356865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17880402161637954,0.09302196879591006,0.0,0.0,0.07602408470913533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816930461318912,0.0,0.09199733723629168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681488815939998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732141686195954,0.09887313880752607,0.0,0.0,0.4224037282127596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525520714603214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102230608080626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551358954941306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047367630312047,0.0,0.21077978564731015,0.0,0.05652665164061552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217813572669987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637214328439012,0.0,0.17522401582189914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885949558579392,0.0,0.0,0.11037391095988072,0.0,0.1188323118613701,0.0,0.0,0.07493348806295555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967831044781528,0.0,0.0,0.1166843992360238,0.0,0.1987361532606806,0.0,0.0,0.2457573053546502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431743719479473,0.15792750454973206,0.05461713935665186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900873499594748,0.20179777840615476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217769699443337,0.0,0.0,0.11266254848213007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578839103252474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077504220999057,0.09761463387344807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603148658396182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323682197840934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889034631093834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927922167362763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292534350271476,0.0,0.1298020158857897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518022364860904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655454251901699,0.0,0.0,0.19781785466089716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138771795141239,0.0,0.0,0.07941559597499268,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ramenbrat,2020/03/15,"fellow bpds, please help me out. anyone feel like the covid-19 crisis is driving them CRAZY? i’m sick of this shit already and it hasn’t even peaked yet. and i’m not fearing greatly for my physical health- it’s my mental health that i’m panicking about. this is too much of a drastic change in the world for me to handle. things are closing. people are being isolated. this is gonna drive me insane sooner or later... i’m already having suicidal thoughts. somebody please help me out!!",1.6959553349875909,4.467882516129034,2.425806451612903,90.41255583126551,89.43010752688173,4.581968569065342,23.28287841191068,6.297961479604792,0.7840263027295293,386,15,70,4,13,120,69,93,0.239,0.625,0.136,-0.9276,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,1,1,3,0,8,4,1,0,0,9,15,3,1,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,1,7,2,9,12,1,9,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,1,3,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4255631012339315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134824154955926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039778835474432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735572314565802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169759907446017,0.0974955332869638,0.13775057262486962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21258461666397685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.409917066742463,0.0,0.0,0.2584862243813116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942020617467306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19431710400198898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174481010827875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367703798086636,0.0,0.0,0.4233166873744939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19792685291552944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21091367089364152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281009714097657,0.0,0.0,0.15307745967182024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,minifuego,2020/03/16,"Quarantine I struggle really bad during things like summer break when no one really talks to me or hangs out with me and I'm not obligated to do much. Now what does this have to do with quarantine, you ask? If I get quarantined (and my county is very close to it) I am stuck in the house and I have issues with anger and arguing with people due to random rage issues and whatnot. Similar to summer break, I have no routines, no set schedule. And I could set one for myself yea, but what's the point. I can barely get up for school what's gonna happen when there's nothing to get up for at ALL? On top of this if I'm quarantined, I can't go out and see my friends. I can't see my significant other. This is literally all destroying me as the impending quarantine is looming over my head. Many people keep saying ""people are dying"" and I get that but I can barely keep it together without being trapped all day. I don't know what I'll do when I actually do get trapped all day.",2.859300000000001,4.352042930000003,4.684000000000001,83.74450000000002,74.7,8.200000000000001,24.5,8.841846274778883,1.71975,766,24,159,16,16,261,108,200,0.129,0.795,0.077,-0.6669,0,8,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,1,5,8,4,1,3,1,19,1,1,0,4,31,36,17,1,3,7,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,12,15,0,2,1,0,0,2,8,6,0,2,1,3,22,2,25,32,5,27,0,0,2,0,6,11,0,4,11,110,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.14577979707427505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396563290020837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473159229439387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927306465182475,0.0,0.0,0.19268402982362104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503973202006627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072924255365398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541573618572125,0.0,0.3902417302322892,0.0,0.08489986180978848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210209945138135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331377566465146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172372108636371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31184165002996284,0.0,0.2655633930464845,0.0,0.0,0.08209898250160785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298275934233249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514545909598408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981635828704314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334049601513346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20245648700411512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106976294887307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121864699232428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19140179494108914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879824042856675,0.0,0.15118724023840627,0.2380835985250659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561713361429257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007131080179005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924583596751714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123259610957318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400337597554216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ariselizabeth,2020/03/16,"Lost in dissociation and fear First post and I’m completely freaking out. My pcp is fatphobic so I get no help there. Autoimmune disorders keep me from changing my psych meds. My therapist just talks about sciencey things with me because she thinks I’m smart. I can’t get out of bed anymore. I’m scared of the future and what might happen with all this covid-19 stuff. I’ve never really had a plan for my life, because I never expected to survive 25. Now I’m 31 and terrified. I long for the coping mechanisms of old, before diagnosis and therapy. I want the euphoria that came with all those bad habits. I want freedom. I’m tired of feeling broken. I’m just tired.",2.221162790697676,4.916341968992249,3.6802790697674443,83.9943720930233,82.7984496124031,7.471007751937982,25.65426356589148,8.447377352677275,2.1899742635658908,530,22,100,13,15,174,88,129,0.209,0.6659999999999999,0.125,-0.9202,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,4,6,6,0,2,4,0,4,3,0,0,4,24,20,6,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,6,11,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,3,1,13,1,15,16,2,12,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,7,58,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331987422172478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375022389649504,0.20077672298935187,0.0,0.1401318935974135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883518536810327,0.0,0.0,0.17421127363884625,0.0,0.17266550144669665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18873935585306648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18531255957401754,0.08326795401850515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400780662099041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17207865515850607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456273756504581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038259046621364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463765532826521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631946882959895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573801439735104,0.0,0.0,0.17976939609099465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829241084722213,0.0,0.0,0.17470112995717724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25402517066623226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280561379974352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771942963341676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549923584793744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487498861835034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18852100720976334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236481445482692,0.0,0.0,0.1883277367068135,0.19120800501335905,0.10940712294663107,0.1055213057000694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3785544967896388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19426692303974524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Woahlunameditation,2020/03/16,Everyone’s out to get me. Especially men My paranoia is horrible. I feel like people are out to get me. So I distance myself from everyone. Especially men. Men have fucked me up in so many ways. Then being a black girl doesn’t help. Constantly getting treated like dirt on the ground for no reason. Confirms that I’m target for abuse by everyone. Even tho I hate straight men. I want a boyfriend who’s gonna protect from everyone’s who’s out to get me. Ive thought about bleaching myself and getting tons of plastic surgery just so I won’t be so paranoid of people and a target. Everyone’s so Evil.,1.4162464985994418,4.0385214369747935,3.0720672268907587,87.16754061624651,86.73109243697479,6.198543417366947,27.261064425770307,7.554174236665415,1.8936382072829137,477,23,92,9,15,157,75,119,0.237,0.66,0.10400000000000001,-0.9657,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,9,6,3,0,4,0,8,1,0,1,0,10,20,9,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,5,3,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,13,3,17,15,1,11,0,0,1,1,8,8,1,0,4,57,16,0,0.0,0.1822314931662782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16620648394442086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158548012727556,0.0,0.0,0.7348271436464265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776745571059686,0.10987694712313842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218846398544946,0.4017787920790092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184869407708684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030909587786258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028082657229438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593217715195115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213255372430294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581351764073146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210246114845046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907170382147846,0.12208172155985013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,krakebolle,2020/03/16,"I [20F] feel so alone even among my friends that have mental illness, can anyone relate? I'm very sorry if this post has been made before or if this is misplaced, this is my first post on this sub. I have issues communicating my struggles in a clear way, especially in regards to dealing with emotions and easily feeling abandoned or betrayed. Even my closest friends, some of which have struggles of their own, like bipolar disorder, seem to get really annoyed with me when I do have outbursts and then afterwards try to apologize and explain. I know my anger, frustration and sadness is often irrational and affects others more than it should, but it seems as if my actions are somehow not redeemable compared to others' actions when they act out on their own issues (for example when they get annoyed and angry, I try to understand and not take it personal because I know where they come from). I feel as if I'm in a league of my own even compared to the people around me that also suffer from mental illness, no matter what it's like they can't or don't want to comprehend what I'm dealing with. It kind of makes me feel like my emotions are invalid and as if I don't deserve consideration from others. I also don't know anyone else with BPD as far as I know, so I don't really have anyone to talk to about it that understands it from my perspective either. I constantly try to be considerate of others when I speak and act, and have to hide a lot of pain, anger and tears, but it's like people don't believe me when I tell them his and think I only think about myself and therefore don't deserve the same consideration that I *claim* to have towards others. But the reality is not like that, it's just that I have become good at not letting my pain affect others too much or too often. Does anybody else also feel kind of alienated and misunderstood, even by other people that struggle mentally? Sorry if I am an unclear or have spelling errors, English is not my first language.",13.989645669291342,7.6663799133858275,12.742631233595805,60.25441929133861,56.95275590551181,15.219685039370079,48.5479002624672,11.20814326018867,5.419453018372702,1581,64,281,24,12,515,176,381,0.183,0.733,0.084,-0.9906,0,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,7,2,24,23,5,3,7,0,31,5,0,5,1,78,57,44,0,8,21,0,5,5,2,1,5,1,0,1,30,21,0,1,19,0,0,5,13,13,0,2,2,6,42,10,47,52,9,31,0,3,0,0,18,13,0,19,15,224,72,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913597492931946,0.0,0.20647518387885488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18053309313499155,0.08818236904275993,0.0,0.07661488557117913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05246359573294378,0.09505052798353296,0.07323381819890044,0.09696424982472797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839414095874483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413620470319221,0.0,0.09300421946756517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745566625288564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986363868972664,0.0,0.07531487076638585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437902544611311,0.1936200208354905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22737688841632606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21758180988778708,0.061483881146800735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641137532817872,0.0,0.0,0.13298510854091866,0.0,0.08992939882760506,0.0,0.0,0.07218609742369718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965615888842856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17924407310336307,0.18919330170899215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800590222366839,0.0,0.21023173471635687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316822850911278,0.0,0.08143549648316674,0.05744814756014607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601957182374389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326667753031058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545527590055092,0.18315556040881426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17899707330410242,0.07514745024967216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485035261695927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102691423039955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669820987702715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19268239623312386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699172067991798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470914603790033,0.06917469327549931,0.07522341419892903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029220999397264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529468525564573,0.0,0.0,0.17919056751781656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101151577586287,0.05076256431967277,0.06831331098206299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,milkonthestove,2020/03/16,"Having a really vague speech when it comes to emotions for quite a while I've been noticing that whenever I have to talk about my feelings, what I've done (if it had a negative impact on me or other people), topics, that made me feel scared or guilty, I suddenly start speaking very vaguely? like, I wanna tell a person ""stop listening to only one side of the argument"" but suddenly I'm talking like ""we have communication issues because you choose one side more than the other"" and coat it in a lot of words to the point it's difficult to understand what I mean. I've been diagnozed with BPD and C-PTSD and I wonder if suddenly not being able to be straightforward with my emotions has something to do with it. in reality, easier topics, I'm very bold, very straightforward, even too much (can say some hurtful things too, if it's how I see the situation), but once it comes to that kinda emotions, suddenly I feel the need to make myself as soft and small as possible and just silence down completely in a bunch of meaningless words",12.242705627705623,7.533775348484852,11.591933621933626,62.33409090909092,58.141414141414145,15.556709956709955,43.94227994227994,13.023866798666859,5.460027994227994,821,31,150,21,7,271,121,198,0.113,0.821,0.066,-0.758,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,1,1,0,1,7,6,0,1,11,0,12,0,0,3,0,38,28,17,0,5,9,0,4,2,0,0,0,4,0,1,15,11,0,1,7,0,0,2,2,3,0,2,5,9,14,3,26,21,5,19,0,1,1,0,9,9,0,9,10,106,29,0,0.1308652714847562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977425484957204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482022827904538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254576875621501,0.13720974733578495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392060818070287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4416174493090692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864352775959115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19850823997242845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400939797443544,0.0,0.0,0.136589343565153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786832277452234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125697402994547,0.0,0.12382788406876605,0.08735358490156167,0.0,0.0,0.14255064511584414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620103209242027,0.09703494061811273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899097895457422,0.0,0.13936724315083684,0.17735538955583371,0.0995289359791392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072550177317508,0.11426650735165896,0.0,0.0,0.1237099809469793,0.14753093073070486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297449929878332,0.0,0.0,0.13919132474870813,0.0,0.0,0.08383564390992491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406931643206767,0.1310189663874345,0.0,0.10428267818953492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470980481888027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074647948766577,0.0,0.0,0.09262711271676627,0.0,0.0,0.10940922672021686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103690962621337,0.11438201539800492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694107143850424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362353628273093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239326628846124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191780458648126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,libertycabbage01,2020/03/16,"It cant just be me You know how we always talk about how we come up with scenarios in our heads about people we know or situations we've been in? Am i the only one who just fantasizes about being recognized and appreciated? And not in a simple "" thanks for being cool!"" More like: ""hey i got you this candy bar cuz i was at the store and i know they're your favorite"" ""why dont you just ask (me)? She knows plenty about that, thats her favorite thing, i know that because i take the time out of my day to listen to her"" Or my personal favorite ""Hey why were you upset the other day? Whats up? I remember that time i was upset about something and you slid into my dms just to tell me that i could tell you anything if it would make me feel better so I'm returing the favor"" Is it selfish? Am i self centered? How the heck to i stop getting so salty when it doesnt happen in real life",0.7600594227504232,2.767905209677424,2.8827334465195267,91.83094227504243,82.92473118279571,5.636219581211092,18.929258630447084,6.8360192770164,0.10723010752688156,683,17,152,8,19,231,111,186,0.068,0.815,0.11599999999999999,0.8761,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,4,7,0,1,15,8,0,2,7,1,15,3,1,5,0,35,31,14,0,3,8,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,14,11,1,1,7,1,1,2,4,3,0,1,5,3,32,5,21,21,1,18,0,0,0,0,24,10,1,3,7,110,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369940675123468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322267155855582,0.0,0.150214980466309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794960435495018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210922616787205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841239468257502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829064894411873,0.0,0.0,0.20725181581776425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883168548347548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812451068044508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394915476133892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851121927052425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208961692206293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490499199888098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4415301884599469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349369370115105,0.07850058674263331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725576937357524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088815575273604,0.12220508883986332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139592617121764,0.14030039148873408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18289007739119234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202017232627116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762525459075578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18061209908695144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370003110124825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343364534113699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081206337481408,0.1291492461210684,0.2808844325699522,0.14793341340873714,0.0,0.0,0.10674927099795573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18738868644578985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28997909641833136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414312345880065,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mddyg,2020/03/16,Recently diagnosed (TW: eating disorder) I was recently diagnosed with BPD (as well as 5 other mental illnesses.) I don’t know what to do or how to feel or who to talk to. My therapist doesn’t want to help me with the BPD until I go to a treatment center for my eating disorder. I can’t get treatment for my ed because my insurance doesn’t cover and of the centers in my city. Should I see someone else? Should I say fuck it and go in to debt to get proper treatment for my ed so I can then get treatment for everything else? Does anyone have any coping skills they could help me with? I don’t know what to do now and my head feels like it’s going to explode.,2.537126741871269,3.9695831240875954,4.4263968148639705,85.51042468480428,75.42335766423358,7.901526211015263,25.593231585932315,8.575989854853784,1.746086131386861,516,18,108,10,11,176,76,137,0.065,0.846,0.08900000000000001,0.2824,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,4,3,1,0,3,0,13,7,1,1,0,17,26,11,0,4,2,0,2,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,6,6,2,0,4,0,1,3,5,1,1,0,1,4,18,2,23,22,0,12,0,0,1,1,6,4,1,2,6,73,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781600629716523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005761426992878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768341581023252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36232242187359054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484438747876607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919887677062424,0.0,0.0,0.3297057780925643,0.0,0.12587519093656274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943680796439941,0.2403194156868945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292739503746293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454594641682468,0.10275919217707316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297759064664402,0.2254510988277627,0.0,0.2452424440096217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14762114740374851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19282559121303974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581012005610915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702728677061132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495670147092865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840489275915887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438719375074935,0.0,0.0,0.11462170910577565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187500799786308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561299429219588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700911101851734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484044931827987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932926764955568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,scotchcleanscuts,2020/03/16,"In defense of borderlines BPD has been a special interest of mine for a few years, and I have been thinking a lot about it the past couple days. This is going to be a sizzling hot take, but I really believe I am on the right track: it actually is everyone else and the borderlines have been systematically abused by every aspect of society from their mothers to media to therapy approaches. What people think of when they think of the worst borderline behaviors are all downstream consequences of the failures of other people and pathologies picked up in response to living in a world that literally is wildly unfair and cruel to them specifically in a way that seems entirely unique. Let me emphasize that IN REALITY the world is specifically cruel to them, saying nothing of individual perception. This inexorably leads to progressively more disordered behavior until the feedback loop reaches some fatal level and everyone at the funeral assures each other that they did everything in their power to help her, but she just wouldn’t do the work to get control of her emotions. Even in death, the victim is blamed. It is necessary to say something about myself and my purpose here. I have Autism Spectrum Disorder of middling severity. There is a bit of a pattern of borderlines getting into relationships with people on the higher functioning end of the spectrum for many of the same reasons they end up with Narcissistic Personality Disorder people. Huge difference in origin, but similar enough behavior to attract the same type. Anyway, a few years back I had two consecutive relationships with diagnosed borderlines and went down the rabbit hole trying to understand them and why we ended up together. Autism and BPD are essentially opposites, so at first glance it is really odd. Especially odd because we got along so well. Frankly I find borderlines to be fascinating and tragic and vastly more interesting than most people with a very unique perspective on the world and endless wild stories. Having autism, normal people are total aliens to me. I literally had to study them like a different species in order to somewhat be able to exist in their world. Borderlines aren’t any farther away from me than normal people, just slightly different in a straightforward way. That made it relatively easy to understand them for me compared to people who never had to really try to understand others. I am not an expert or even a particularly knowledgeable amateur. I am not rigorously researching anything and everything here is just my considered opinion based on borderlines in my life and my attempt to understand them. I think I have a somewhat interesting perspective on this because borderlines aren’t some mysterious aberration from a norm for me as they are for normal people. I am not biased against them as The Other since from my perspective all you people are equally mad and it isn’t obvious to me that the borderlines are going to be wrong in any conflict with so called normal people. The point of this rambling screed is to see if any merit is found in my observations and to perhaps start a bit of a reevaluation of our understanding of BPD and how we should look at the primary victim of the disorder. Nothing a borderline can say in her worst moment is in the same magnitude of horror that she regularly experiences in her mind. The primary victim of BPD symptoms is the person with BPD. This seems to be regularly missed. I think people over complicate BPD and misinterpret maladaptive behaviors developed in response to total lack of understanding and empathy and everything else as inherent to the disorder. If the response to extreme emotion was comfort and soothing instead of anger and disappointment it would make a world of difference. I found that not speaking and offering a long, comforting hug in response to a crisis totally ended it every time and was profoundly meaningful to the borderline. That is really sad because I, of all people, shouldn’t be the first person to ever offer empathy instead of anger when they needed it. Of all the people in the situation, the borderline is the one suffering the most pain and she is the one expected to do the work of stabilizing herself all alone while people are only concerned about whatever nasty thing was said and see her only as perpetrator. How many times can a person go through this scenario without developing pathologies from the complete lack of concern for her? The world is demonstrably unfair objectively, and I can’t imagine how glaring the disparity must appear from the perspective of the borderline herself. She goes through Hell that cannot be controlled caused by a disorder she had no part in developing and the general reaction is to dislike her, ignore her pain, and immediately chastise her for the collateral damage of her destruction. How would you behave towards people after a couple decades of this? Polar opposites attracted, then the obvious happened and my autistic focus on words and details blew everything up because I didn’t understand that they were hitting what for most people would be once in a lifetime levels of negative emotions and – as is the common rule for everyone – things said under such duress are not to be taken as real since the brain is in full fight or flight and the logical part of the brain is totally powerless to control what is going on. None of the words were chosen by her conscious mind and should rightly be considered a symptom of her disorder and not the real thoughts of her core personality. Think of the most upset you have ever been. Say anything that you genuinely did not mean in the moment without thinking consciously? Of course you did. That is a universal human experience and, because it is so common, the rule of dismissing the wild things said in the heat of the moment as not real emerged. Borderlines are the only ones who are not extended this protection against accounting for words said under extreme duress for a couple reasons I can see. First, most people are not capable of imagining a mind unlike their own so they fundamentally do not accept the reality that borderlines regularly experience emotional hurricanes that are not misperceptions or overreactions but really their genuine lived experience of overwhelming emotional input that you could, with sufficient knowledge, confirm the objective existence of by imaging their brains. People don’t see an obvious reason for the borderline’s distress, determine that she has no reason to be so upset, and take her unthinkingly tossed out statements as press releases and demand accountability. Second, since borderlines are subjected to intense emotional duress far more often than average, people become progressively less inclined to dismiss her impolitic words because they do not see these moments of duress as equal to those rarely experienced extreme moments of average people. But the only metric relevant is hitting emotional intensity beyond the point where your conscious mind is in control, and frequency is irrelevant. The total lack of empathy for borderlines is on display here where the frequency of emotional storms that she cannot control is met with annoyance and unequal treatment instead of profound sadness and unwavering support. The reality the borderline experiences is that she is unjustly treated worse than everyone else while suffering more. She is objectively correct and it is very corrosive to self worth and general attitude towards the world to be treated this way. Let me expand on how profoundly unfair the world actually is to the borderline. First she is born to a mother that is so woefully ill equipped or disinterested in her child that the child feels terrified and abandoned with such frequency that it warps the brain permanently into extreme sensitivity to negative emotion. In a very real way the borderline has been abused into living in a dark, terrible version of the world filled with danger and anger. The borderline had absolutely no role in this. ALL of the fallout of her disorder is ultimately on the head of her mother. As she grows up the mother who neglected her continues to neglect her and only notices her disorder when it has progressed to the point where the child’s behavior annoys the mother and she is taken to have that fixed. Naturally the doctor isn’t going to point out the obvious genesis of the disorder because of the cultural taboo on telling the truth so the mother now gets to whine about the terrible burden of BPD which she of course had nothing to do with and neglect turns to open disdain. Obviously that is just one origin, but it seems pretty common. In every case, the borderline is a victim of someone else’s bad behavior and is living their consequences through no fault of her own. It is a heavily environmentally determined disorder. The difference between you, dear reader, and a borderline, is luck. In a different environment you could have ended up following the common patterns of pathology with no more ability to stop than any other. BPD isn’t a moral failing. People seem to think that people are bad so we call them BPD. That is not the case. People are normal, then they are abused and have their brains damaged, then they experience intense overwhelming negative emotion constantly, then people are annoyed with them constantly, then they behave maladaptively because why not at that point? Their entire childhood is spent with the family that was so bad they developed BPD in the first place, so there is no chance of getting effective family support and the borderline will be treated as the family aberration and embarrassment. How do you expect their development to go under these circumstances? Defense mechanisms, maladaptive behaviors, and self fulfilling expectations of anger and lack of empathy solidify into the borderline who goes out into the world with zero chance of a happy, healthy life. She has been systematically destroyed from the moment she was born until she got out of the house and never had a chance. Maybe don’t get mad at her so much. The objective reality of the borderline’s life is that she was inflicted with a lifelong wound, then driven to ever more maladaptive behavior by constant signals that she is worthless, inherently bad, and crazy. She’ll likely have a collection of eating disorders and drug problems and dangerous sexual experiences because she hates herself and sees herself as worthless because that is what everyone told her. There is really no getting out of this hole. She expects the worst always because that has been her experience. She is totally right to anticipate disaster. That then becomes self fulfilling with expecting abandonment by partners and all the usual tragedy of the disorder. And all the while SHE is the problem, not the primary victim and unwilling carrier of the disorder that has robbed her of a full life. This is all so clear but you never really hear the borderline perspective on the madness of their existence. Probably because talking about it is a guaranteed trigger for an emotional storm. I’m rambling stupidly. Let me get to my proposal: borderlines are never held to the words they say when they are in profound distress. That is just even handedness. People close to borderlines are taught to respond to even the most ugly and angry outburst with quiet comfort and zero retaliation. Borderlines have been inflicted with an unbearable load, and it is the least we can do to treat them as if they are humans in pain that isn’t their fault and not caricatures of evil. If this could become the norm (like not getting mad at verbal tick people became the norm) I think we would see a dramatic improvement in the lives and behavior of borderlines. The fundamental core of the disorder is the fear of an emotional storm, the shame in not controlling it, the actual pain of the storm itself, and the anger of those close to them instead of comfort and support. The rest of the associated bad behavior is downstream of this and doesn’t HAVE to happen if the core is made as benign as possible. No overwhelming moments is an impossibility and setting that standard just adds failure and guilt to the borderline. Instead, let us consider bad moments inevitable symptoms of a disease and TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE AND EXPECTED. They will happen anyway, so destigmatize, educate, and make them as painless as possible. Fear and shame about emotional extremes makes them more likely to occur. The less painful they are, the less frequently they will occur because the total anticipatory anxiety load is diminished. Fundamentally we need to understand that BPD is not the fault of the person who has it and, considering the massive burden it is to carry it, take some of the burden on ourselves. Just the idea that there is some empathy and earnest attempt to help will be surprisingly effective. If we can give heroin addicts free needles we can hug the occasional borderline.",11.503885484488695,10.620803879803397,10.844376611770716,55.27687131367296,55.778373547810546,14.74555342780544,45.53233754627857,13.529257306502625,6.64406581897102,10585,542,1502,348,105,3437,708,2238,0.218,0.7070000000000001,0.075,-0.9999,9,1,2,0,4,0,156.0,11,11,43,24,68,123,30,13,186,0,197,30,6,29,34,351,287,149,3,37,46,6,3,4,1,14,21,12,0,15,97,123,1,19,47,0,5,15,53,88,1,13,47,25,155,36,322,203,69,205,2,21,9,2,172,116,1,31,72,1237,252,9,0.021432619605291425,0.07618244863313049,0.06274543512665245,0.02336471894324028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022197730171204685,0.0,0.0,0.01783365644296159,0.0,0.0,0.058299665149763626,0.0,0.016395895334388347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0352744395152264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020136651637865717,0.016480361519814062,0.10737205277579613,0.1698466377530343,0.0710119334359239,0.0,0.024147222886935733,0.0,0.0,0.046797739218335965,0.0,0.2969299751929157,0.11962945836189713,0.04377020185506107,0.0,0.0,0.02201720422141977,0.0,0.0,0.022471693883495902,0.06948314314713724,0.14423103203982182,0.05133660830008609,0.07114435781494469,0.0,0.013822266569031832,0.0,0.0,0.02175365774627237,0.0,0.1343551547218837,0.3684545835411976,0.02193719434386953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024855034335756098,0.021930920515563355,0.07161681402616636,0.3134145599548601,0.09491469715878677,0.022145625352621923,0.0,0.056624172453781416,0.058161094420846174,0.05417371919628548,0.10239893253795557,0.07704902607178374,0.16772171656990187,0.060614298928714276,0.04823531135778125,0.01083697645059982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01958902603459392,0.09115287643701042,0.0,0.04699952229251232,0.0,0.0,0.08958127316010135,0.020560121686854917,0.07308390981959846,0.0,0.03428324761082712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05685838420393795,0.022815422107774874,0.0,0.02116027465128313,0.021996051025934826,0.0,0.024156119970509992,0.0,0.02873166628239045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02473036542591508,0.0,0.024194818746949426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766522260326291,0.06055397226032495,0.041883581342849883,0.0,0.09462697887633076,0.018967193905476288,0.017998002525263346,0.0,0.0,0.0182212467506887,0.0,0.04056012577917792,0.04291932004065229,0.04345862459420005,0.02153194713338733,0.02334640593790133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865633441931501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01575544147870773,0.031784031731173334,0.06612063007475298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499708318583163,0.06169552965667322,0.024401179475070558,0.0,0.022825040394601433,0.058093190900402325,0.08150236500326118,0.11402909186034292,0.0,0.0,0.046418876877994085,0.020459860564708908,0.4011843550274086,0.11228482046798564,0.02239252578698062,0.0,0.101303765809377,0.04832411658939044,0.0,0.02180467930441557,0.023107988927254547,0.04101624484752206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975800532335888,0.09611199452918052,0.08814521020797654,0.0,0.046021225044214624,0.0,0.054910020111224735,0.08154931706054715,0.08522039676244537,0.0,0.0,0.11955316054361835,0.07804580774303999,0.06707668958690953,0.02421275960135296,0.0,0.05318785324823073,0.02409116242790721,0.0,0.0,0.018159789040083963,0.016499877675208555,0.0,0.0,0.015170118469712978,0.0,0.0,0.017918629679201346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296444822015437,0.0,0.0668300945201286,0.04834398786227615,0.017226727785531883,0.018733054215973474,0.0,0.02451006838997075,0.0,0.04271664035255487,0.1235984150863916,0.0,0.017015105919759826,0.024995065696813264,0.0,0.0,0.020479786507591108,0.0,0.02910268367578535,0.02331253559890678,0.020936555072937662,0.17849690296828374,0.0257808024563168,0.0,0.02360500251753817,0.05305246733961594,0.0,0.0680488633454163,0.0,0.0,0.019270498979295787,0.019868253098332563,0.038679211126097235,0.0,0.0,0.041320560949373496,0.0,0.031206404667839343,0.0,0.02184167041771062,0.06090047214280559,0.02343320498939397,0.0,0.027603808659543042 bpd,throwaway194583,2020/03/16,"Not diagnosed, the idea was floated by me from a pychologist but at this point I need serious help My ex and I have a very rocky relationship. Alot of days I see him as godlike and unwavering but when I have my bad days I Really have my bad days. I've become paranoid towards him, I've flipped out and accused him of things, I've talked shit about him all while genuinely thinking at the time that he was a bad person and he was legitimately doing things to harm me. All this stopped when I started up testosterone (no my gender identity isn't up for debate I have been trans since I was 16 and I'm almost 24 now its the only solid thing about me please don't bring it up) I was good for months, but one bout of him ghosting me for a day sent me off the ledge. I freaked out again, I went directly for the jugular and then blocked him. How do I cope with it when it happens it's like I stop thinking and all I know is rage. I keep ruining my own relationships. I love him so much but I keep hurting him badly I really don't wanna keep doing this.",1.2842702251876543,3.3841380275229405,3.1057381150959134,90.44516263552963,81.56880733944953,6.348957464553795,22.753127606338616,7.520522993642371,0.8865706422018356,822,28,181,13,22,274,122,218,0.23199999999999998,0.68,0.087,-0.9886,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,9,14,2,0,10,0,17,3,1,1,3,33,32,19,1,2,5,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,12,10,0,6,4,0,0,3,5,11,0,1,8,1,36,3,24,24,6,29,0,2,1,1,18,10,1,2,17,127,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973855802317538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4327185353245872,0.0,0.14309207578960825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33422948281188514,0.0,0.0,0.13150364561216535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867123773680896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457207018769434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684330020991332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869979513168934,0.1462607763374699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454844529393957,0.0,0.0,0.07120439739093146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329790261159916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169356018573149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341589379027774,0.0,0.09524366048437193,0.09606927013500197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779519377557839,0.09853844580025888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312935208928887,0.0,0.14222118897639438,0.12247884630304888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660026598753033,0.0,0.0,0.27820419625242804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032448798090145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329944847040708,0.1071757936988126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170530797183032,0.0,0.0,0.21664082010236652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413777453835388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582275587942113,0.16603738670652166,0.0,0.0,0.07554918579174948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069029853163478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010613317770175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwjammiethrow,2020/03/16,FP’s phone broke So my FP’s phone broke last week and they haven’t replaced it which means I’ve not spoken to them since last week because you know apparently using other online social networks to get in touch and it’s driving me crazy. There’s so many thoughts that after all this time and space they’re finally gonna be done and won’t be in touch again. I’m trying to remind myself that just the day before their phone broke they told me they didn’t want to end anything but silence gives you space right?,3.0066239316239307,4.932014192307697,3.0993589743589745,93.42341880341878,75.34615384615384,5.391452991452992,20.20940170940171,5.82211442006289,-0.15243034188034166,412,9,86,2,9,125,73,104,0.077,0.9109999999999999,0.012,-0.6428,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,5,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,1,13,16,7,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,2,11,0,7,8,1,16,0,3,0,0,13,5,0,0,10,44,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837683465053331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613010618503732,0.0,0.190023716607208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401901814771445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285276953872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977898693289866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24462950772258266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667231763787772,0.21422308154383826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272750223909296,0.3640613357336665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22640528645748734,0.0,0.24325434932557746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19070888611489994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847276003043992,0.0,0.0,0.2276404410585955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728632536529187,0.13021615529604152,0.0,0.0,0.2133860412811207,0.0,0.15161550775762894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192871545626638,0.0,0.0,0.13171634872755406,0.0,0.35825794801587657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Agertudici,2020/03/16,Well. Support group is cancelled. Apparently my post must contain text.,5.237878787878788,7.132788545454545,4.076363636363638,72.36787878787881,118.0909090909091,5.103030303030304,40.03030303030303,6.42735559955562,4.132612121212123,58,4,7,1,3,17,11,11,0.135,0.541,0.324,0.4215,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5517115901571715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6537123979429093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5179521426367273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cate_meowski,2020/03/16,"On a scale from 1 to 100 how much are you affected from external factors? Ok. So in psychology there is a concept called locus of control that can be either external OR internal. Internal locus of control means you are not much affected by external factors, opinions, people or events. You are basically in control of your internal state and can set your own goals and acheive them. External is the opposite. Everyday events affect you and drive your behaviour. I think BPD people behave in the latter way. From a scale from 1 to 100 I would say I am around 85 and on some days I am completely out of control :/ what about you guys?",3.931178736517719,6.405511855932204,5.193636363636365,76.93325885978432,74.5084745762712,9.375654853620958,31.066255778120183,9.800150414767053,3.605379661016949,501,24,87,15,11,166,70,118,0.052000000000000005,0.929,0.019,-0.4137,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,8,1,5,5,1,0,0,5,1,11,0,0,8,0,23,13,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,6,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,13,1,19,11,5,15,0,0,0,0,12,7,0,4,4,65,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382221790387798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21762647096260754,0.0,0.17644075867608305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18116995350718287,0.0,0.7752072304657213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143705519745233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109202921669178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18822200499250466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540451658856935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23958552883181625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374117625432339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107186432004223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715487439912327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227470408314534,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,JustTheBlips,2020/03/16,"Introduction's are in order... Hello and salutations... My Name is Abigail. I have been diagnosed with bpd and ptsd... The past is very confusing yet research wise it is fascinating and I don't understand a lot of my past actions... It is like looking at a different person sometimes... How I expressed living is confusing... and my bouts of anger and over all demeanour when I am not aware of my actions is... weird... I am currently heavily medicated to treat my symptoms and my conditions. Generally speaking I have been functioning at a higher level then I have ever been in my life time and I am able to survive day to day through the art of controlling my emotions the best I can... Stimulating myself through art and mental workouts... and mental deconstruction... I may not be able to do it perfectly but its the best a person can do in my situation... I have created my own coping methods and have been trying my best to guide my self through rough moments... but... This doesn't feel right... A person shouldn't have to think this hard about simple dialogue and I just simply want to exist again but correctly this time... Starting fresh... pure and correct... I understand my problems at a deeper level... My triggers and I actively try to not think about past trauma and apply it to day to day life... Now a few days ago I had a episode... This episode was a combination of multiple stimuli through A) A person yelling at me and slamming cupboards: I tried my best to calm them down through dialogue. keeping my bpd in check well I talk to her in a calm well defined manner... When that didn't work I removed my self through self reflection... tuning out the world. counting in my head and thinking about well mannered thoughts... But that didn't work and she was just mad that I didn't react the way she wanted me to... at least my mind told me that was the solution to this problem... B) A customer at my work being rude to me... I kept my self calm waited til they engaged me again and told them politely that was rude... kept serving them and that was the end of it... Now by this point my thoughts were in a very heavy state... I just went through two drama filled daily narratives that caused me panic... C) this one is important and confuses me... A coworker touched me on the back full palm and it cause me to panic and black out... through this black out I could remember that I fell down scrambled away from her in fear... she tried to pull me up... my subconscious fear got worse... she kept going towards me and in the end I was in the fetal position screaming well she kept touching me and ""petting me""... This went on for I don't know how long til she stopped petting me and I regained full control of my body... Full control of myself... How do I stop this... I don't want this to happen again... it scares me that I reacted this way... Why cant I be normal again...",2.4833704137392694,4.9147918761384375,3.5153600702576138,87.3204405737705,79.23679417122041,6.690098881082489,26.92561150143117,7.83500028581142,1.7451589643507672,2216,94,433,38,56,711,245,549,0.078,0.8009999999999999,0.121,0.9655,2,0,1,0,1,0,139.0,0,0,4,12,24,33,4,8,26,0,48,8,3,12,6,92,75,37,0,8,10,0,5,1,0,2,5,3,2,8,29,29,0,11,11,4,1,9,12,17,4,2,26,11,83,16,70,43,12,81,0,0,3,0,27,35,0,5,34,324,112,4,0.14040046623615288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062228271019482875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595542986479687,0.05397964606601306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946832545888626,0.0,0.0,0.07797663348446321,0.17682947227311316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442299539129014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362065920667137,0.05604917389982638,0.0,0.0,0.2263667142038645,0.0,0.0,0.0712517589115493,0.0,0.07334430225041096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896581356477547,0.12435314001902865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350012989449405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798955816876695,0.03549534714549737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039896410246009886,0.0,0.05614553933786566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062077834306484836,0.0,0.06288562014278076,0.0,0.07204569194689132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06239719270122165,0.0,0.0,0.038580212226994384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916900143766967,0.03429628795075142,0.0,0.06198809197115306,0.062124997236990324,0.05895051543868595,0.0,0.0,0.05968172781289593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071934942736564,0.14149064742395875,0.0,0.07088222361231047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878132353493263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04756949475712152,0.0,0.0,0.1647296961577461,0.0,0.0,0.20104219749945607,0.0,0.24518454323794345,0.0,0.0,0.06636191101718189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434428469085868,0.08206031585046245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952317940519102,0.05995061551528012,0.0,0.0,0.0702826798808781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929366129764409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890800329918582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942982556909051,0.0,0.049688086319591436,0.0,0.0,0.11738107649014227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296492139887317,0.0,0.0564242882427409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349444244626591,0.0,0.11146228730724128,0.08186864093294155,0.0,0.0,0.1341586622184427,0.0,0.1906454008913942,0.0,0.06857542726353473,0.1461618368402173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584508857115156,0.12421774895509502,0.11144335499448148,0.0,0.0,0.2524737611288976,0.13015263881299366,0.06334479144128871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331981737210254,0.0,0.0715400349210197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,someladyidk,2020/03/16,"Experiences with Hallucinogenics? \[Obligatory apology for maybe not applying the right filter? First time posting.\] As someone who has previously been on just about every pharmaceutical for anxiety/depression before my diagnosis of BPD last year, I always seek ways to medicate that aren't equipped with dependence and/or a plethora of side effects (i.e., sweet Mary Jane) and have found it to be helpful to a point. Anywho, I was curious as to those on this sub who have been diagnosed with BPD that has experimented with ""alternative"" therapeutic methods. I've done a bit of research on psilocybin for therapeutic uses, but have never tried any personally. I really want to soon, but I am afraid of a ""bad trip."" I have heard it is a lot about setting, but due to the constant shifting of my mental state, I am partly nervous to experience something to push me to do something stupid. On the other hand, I have heard of people having powerful personal insights on them, and it leads to a complete shift in their outlook or perspective. I'm interested in anyone's experiences using psilocybin, DMT, Ayahausca, LSD (not natural, I know, but I am also curious about this), or anything similar to this. What were your experiences? Would you recommend it? I am extremely curious. &#x200B; TDRL; Has anyone with BPD tried medicating with hallucinogenics? Very interested in hearing about personal experiences. Thanks in advance!",8.534194214876035,10.208749805785123,8.98395661157025,57.59138946280993,61.27272727272728,12.826859504132235,40.33161157024793,12.273956033585215,5.9719578512396705,1151,61,165,41,16,383,151,242,0.045,0.795,0.16,0.9790000000000001,1,0,3,0,0,0,52.0,0,2,2,5,8,8,1,2,9,0,23,4,1,5,1,29,33,11,0,2,9,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,3,14,8,0,0,4,0,0,4,4,4,0,1,8,5,17,4,41,23,3,28,0,0,0,0,14,12,0,4,8,121,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963312358293588,0.0828575316157668,0.10789357898289337,0.12099913111013945,0.06771699291989046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925561267317746,0.0,0.0819448607387199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314413149068972,0.0,0.0,0.08473421723898321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871424963331154,0.0,0.3762480059070232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440646831830444,0.10760929759395038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576706720171504,0.1010703772518679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190367671889153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389942663387373,0.0,0.0,0.5844429945334929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470166917708567,0.0,0.10918300508740383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223253518269527,0.0,0.06674556490927559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05472589959610672,0.08117000567391477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465832755905403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004028035752502,0.0,0.0,0.2006303124250858,0.10035200064676966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680130283988257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783412730833286,0.0,0.06903539588453747,0.26084507940514595,0.0,0.0,0.09413414467406613,0.0,0.09536895613328908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379272369335097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503974384875006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437278688960402,0.15332123734720102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167877237742153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580651941130459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521492580517566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17200820758734794,0.0,0.0821629317193213,0.058734151222168435,0.07904100967871225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073791642402039,0.0,0.12099913111013945,0.06412547690483146 bpd,CosmicBobby,2020/03/16,"I've used mindfulness and distraction - what next? Having gone through DBT I feel like a lot of coping methods focus on getting through the now. For example; 1. I feel anxious 2. I acknowledge the feeling and accompanying thoughts. I don't react to them or judge them. 3. They are feelings and thoughts, they are not reality. 4. I allow the feelings and thoughts to float away where possible. 5. I feel better. But what next? The reason for the anxiety is still there. I have worked really hard on these types of techniques over the last year and a half, and I'm close to nailing them and they really have changed my life. But now I find myself unable to actually understand how or why I feel the way I do and therefore at a loss for how to deal with the root of it. The above tactic is a great coping mechanism but it seems a little shortsighted. I'm at the point where I need to actually confront things. I need to feel. I don't need to distract. I'm calm enough and in control enough to now feel how I feel and adress things, BUT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW?! &#x200B; Thoughts? Suggestions?",1.6685927816259571,4.3235733601895765,2.8422985781990526,89.13911684287277,85.54028436018956,6.2793292016040825,24.229128691213997,7.61054688173877,1.4045463361283268,853,34,170,16,26,273,113,211,0.081,0.855,0.064,-0.3397,0,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,6,4,11,8,1,2,15,0,11,1,0,11,0,54,36,20,0,3,7,0,11,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,12,0,1,20,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,5,11,23,4,25,31,3,22,0,1,0,0,8,12,0,4,9,114,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.21086389813709355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706184338185065,0.1312810407151378,0.0,0.0,0.08265069156054869,0.12205501955381888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015076120968385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555304795855113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142925299514566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117661462887146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138501789991988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232694480058174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5462852621344017,0.07718415925173744,0.0,0.0,0.09874706539270424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056446705307607724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191150395559198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678307228090087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196458081940408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806743256714357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631220470097072,0.05278313401645317,0.10828497052081312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185217484776063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909011242514988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24033199922185575,0.0,0.0,0.2298046081770781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213320018299844,0.12179943741128732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842702967665454,0.11108363454478856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835601917137572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862812878519934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355462324675006,0.0,0.0,0.34308837487991883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247397725821698,0.0,0.0933123085117767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575752498876489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748975226389077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865477530542782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312810407151378,0.06957454377716073 bpd,candyyfloss,2020/03/16,"i feel like getting back together was a bad choice we were back together a day when he told me he did stuff while we were broken up and he defends it by “well it’s not like you were being innocent” but the thing is, i was upfront about what i did before we were back together. he purposely hid what he did until after because he was afraid i wouldn’t accept him back and he was right to be, if he told me before i would have told him to fuck off and never speak to me again. a few days before we got back together he emailed me. accusing me of basically fooling around with my guy friend. and i mean he was kinda right, but he broke my heart, he’s not allowed to know or comment on what i’m doing. and then when we started talking again i told him “yes, you were right, that is what was happening.” which resulted in him calling me pathetic, telling me i can’t survive without a man in my life. and after he begged for awhile one of his calls woke me up, i read his many messages while on call and i agreed to try to work on things. which now brings me to yesterday. i felt bad about what i did and i guess in an attempt to make me feel better and less guilty he told me pretty much he was up to no good as well. three girls. he approached them. which again brings me back to “fuck off and never speak to me again.” but now the situation is a lot more complicated than if he had admitted it before when i did and he told me “i was scared you wouldn’t want me.” i think this behaviour is sketchy, i feel like i can’t trust him. it really hurt me because by that point i trusted him and i had no reason to believe he had been doing that. he says i’m a hypocrite for being angry. i just feel like i should leave but i’m scared.",1.9991068139963133,3.463677732044204,3.3933480662983437,92.22600736648252,76.92817679558011,6.7051197053407,22.563904235727442,7.42949916751922,0.6485963904235721,1337,38,306,17,30,438,163,362,0.153,0.715,0.132,-0.9081,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,5,3,1,4,21,22,2,3,9,1,38,4,1,4,2,54,68,27,0,7,11,0,5,4,1,4,1,3,0,3,19,19,0,0,11,1,0,3,11,10,2,2,31,8,58,12,39,30,5,46,0,2,0,2,59,16,2,6,31,216,77,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381519318062048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825560187749941,0.1384672464328809,0.1010928992481329,0.0,0.2822307126039648,0.09342094266755274,0.0,0.07333482242132597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540076888258539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069513607198097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770467733228894,0.17771133627011532,0.07961492345786891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406275623797568,0.1533139425429621,0.04332158103211906,0.0,0.0,0.06954824361559497,0.06631763255975448,0.0,0.09134425975195982,0.08210251653104057,0.0733247031588544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825901932977277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876614771439616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04556993073217528,0.0,0.0,0.08779889557185759,0.0,0.0,0.05856790651778205,0.1620394887504471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049448526639393,0.0,0.0,0.05534885392579867,0.08406651347932012,0.0,0.09032273652462512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06095476080111336,0.0,0.12790397513367685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618783453787863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838494175498094,0.0,0.0,0.08435809387771287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294110571309404,0.0,0.053119821170187036,0.08525419949755274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21243626501912236,0.0,0.06594025190663075,0.1660321013787631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320405557650538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586902591016288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492203530497847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664688342577088,0.07247456952266933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017495546690882,0.05313093354070877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4753940368532818,0.0,0.05629633179512347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04890757799434575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910767906929098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993063578195178,0.0,0.06036577694638209,0.0,0.0,0.058903041802356025,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wrappedinsheets,2020/03/16,"i've ruined this relationship and i don't know what skills to use to cope i'd been in therapy for 2 years, took DBT course for 10 months and then my insurance wouldn't cover it anymore so i was cut off from that kind of help. a month before i was cut off, i started a new relationship. i was very skillful. everything was fine and i was fully ready and strong enough to be in a relationship. i slowly started slipping away from skills and watched my relationship crumble right before my eyes. it started getting rough the last 3 months. it has gotten as bad as it could probably get. he's shut down. cut off. and he left me. almost seems as if he is disgusted by me. i lashed out this morning dropping him off for work bc i knew it was the end and i wanted him to hurt too. i went over last night to talk and let it be final after i said everything i needed to but he was not choosing to hear me and i felt like i was talking to myself. all i want to do is sit down, talk, get everything off my chest, hug him, apologize and then move on my way so i can start feeling better. i doubt he wants to see me again. i am miserable right now and i can't get out of bed. i still hold onto pain from my ex 2 years ago bc he was cold to me like this and i didn't get to end it the way i wanted. what do i do? what skills? i feel almost hopeless.",0.3751578947368444,2.3759954105263184,2.4406140350877195,94.48513157894736,84.36842105263158,5.624561403508772,19.324561403508774,6.88968998030894,0.10511929824561417,1032,28,241,13,30,346,148,285,0.105,0.799,0.096,-0.5734,0,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,7,6,18,4,2,6,0,26,4,2,1,1,37,53,21,0,8,3,1,4,2,0,1,1,2,1,0,14,14,0,1,7,0,0,3,5,11,0,0,17,10,40,7,40,31,2,49,0,4,3,1,21,19,0,5,25,151,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852851078731059,0.0,0.19268252459276908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541530428430801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039325468443678,0.0,0.0803320357251976,0.0,0.0,0.16373668337977335,0.0,0.0,0.08509067272463723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681652991368758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042850118014471,0.09941152027884244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594043077076622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729418673224263,0.0,0.09237749778719756,0.10539427647896814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513309742770932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843661319422583,0.0,0.06448810046672777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299569801639016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018878834678513,0.052874963543762594,0.1568493573437969,0.0,0.0,0.10453336314405627,0.09838210612487522,0.0,0.09400751682820074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23038373250960095,0.102256900731558,0.0,0.07133912148958163,0.0,0.0929210323330638,0.0,0.09028735927218352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237512102145603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373156202486987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41317776074437695,0.0,0.16432706959442855,0.09151854438071352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666758593588008,0.0875867386400908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723941213438373,0.0,0.07683410402626692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23199189519207866,0.0,0.0,0.11002548458162706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689378736059596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309527821865169,0.0,0.07938402203290293,0.2269905933070805,0.1527353788998808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918841596659709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004264004898335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239132578392761 bpd,mageragirl,2020/03/16,"Men with BPD, how are y’all doing?? I know the ratio of men to women being diagnosed w BPD is 1:3 respectively. So I’m just wondering how all the guys on this sub are doing? I hope you’re all having a good day :)",-0.2426086956521729,1.6904886521739149,3.1327826086956527,88.98830434782612,86.3913043478261,6.288695652173913,15.72173913043478,7.554174236665415,0.14084869565217328,162,3,37,3,5,59,36,46,0.0,0.754,0.24600000000000002,0.8943,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,2,2,9,11,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,4,10,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,1,24,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7289893200789533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18664187022071768,0.0,0.0,0.2937393332438145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24273864627093886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865558162523221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874438293982583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590490675469526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138466829976773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,moonmeetsun,2020/03/16,"I have so much trouble (like way too much trouble) trusting my own instincts Like being a pwBPD who has also been in a lot of toxic and abusive relationships, I feel like I always have my guard up or I'm quick to think someone has ulterior motives. Like I made a friend in the past couple months and I can confidently say it's one of the healthiest interpersonal relationships I've had. But he's been showing some red flags recently and I can't tell if they're actually red flags or if it's just me being paranoid. I want to trust my instincts, but it's so hard to do when this disorder and my past experiences still have such a heavy influence on my thinking.",4.779015151515151,5.7458297803030325,6.131515151515156,77.22560606060608,69.37878787878788,9.2,31.333333333333336,9.444778638647367,2.775069696969698,529,22,104,11,9,179,85,132,0.099,0.787,0.114,-0.2561,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,9,9,0,0,6,0,13,0,0,3,0,21,19,14,0,3,7,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,5,13,7,9,13,5,12,0,0,2,0,7,4,0,6,11,71,18,1,0.0,0.20736889450675805,0.17079329623832745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399626302746058,0.14562982765489654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936551934885225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20058693579890616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712021645433384,0.0,0.0,0.08849486463130153,0.12503360786223902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521924448069525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678264587691929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34202176945807206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879489421853356,0.0,0.165607208644356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969849523006664,0.0,0.2573182044309899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185974032555666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33415087673259714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281014707169046,0.3758098118067811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391821327599358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829302990192195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977039868957655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297431940821907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22429021521462064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032307402012131,0.1389219349492367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,katserenitykitten,2020/03/16,"Another relationship ruined thanks to bpd:) Every relationship I’ve been in ends with the person calling me crazy, saying they feel sorry for the next person who dates me, etc. I always tell myself things are gonna be different when I get into a new relationship but then I end up ruining it with the splitting, mood swings, random anger, and everything else that comes with bpd. I am self aware of everything I’m doing but I can’t stop. I’ve been in therapy for years and take my meds but my relationships always end in the most nasty ways because I don’t change. I feel like such a monster. I got broken up with yesterday because my ex couldn’t handle me anymore and said I drove him insane and gave him anxiety. At this point I just feel hopeless like I’ll never be able to be close to anyone because I always ruin it. My therapist tells me not to self identify as borderline so much but I feel like it’s all that I am. It controls everything I do and think. Everytime I think I’m getting better I have an episode out of nowhere and it drags me right back under. I’m not even depressed anymore I’m just numb.",2.8751351351351384,4.947136018018019,4.3128738738738726,83.91174324324325,76.2072072072072,7.503063063063062,25.063963963963968,8.395991825355821,1.7402893693693695,884,31,172,17,20,293,132,222,0.18100000000000002,0.73,0.08900000000000001,-0.9711,1,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,1,2,7,13,1,0,7,0,14,1,0,1,2,35,34,14,0,1,8,1,4,3,0,1,1,2,0,4,10,14,0,2,6,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,6,6,29,5,22,23,4,28,0,5,0,0,19,12,0,2,16,107,39,0,0.09830883895523136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24540248810292775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308538935013388,0.07520599271762685,0.0,0.19499190374108516,0.0687398259918565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559342891409296,0.0,0.1797844672723663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694617907284377,0.0,0.0,0.24763308240011675,0.0,0.10038431616041968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399771632777532,0.08468435990043435,0.0,0.0,0.11026172225854128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467325893878791,0.0,0.0,0.10271181273845084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212442023240736,0.0,0.26121735511502386,0.0,0.10964034220304844,0.06493206095718827,0.0,0.08282943684523904,0.0,0.26506093638729805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19883161130347807,0.1404637083853042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272462161282836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862655919584907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440861988267874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919895793795116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226830819208159,0.0,0.07582183714995452,0.09494728926411262,0.10455256551835013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167897245404054,0.0,0.0,0.09293362903761666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4221876079279799,0.0,0.0839552113173974,0.09351421834402286,0.07817913456506984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051151187828204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004869654719024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821905913449856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391601220836926,0.0,0.17185251676869978,0.0905095707009133,0.11242472504557743,0.11414413918012413,0.06531202429545092,0.12598466893115304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803298046286715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330766910527498 bpd,biscoutinho,2020/03/16,"DAE turns themselves into a big joke? After my last suicide attempt I'm feeling more comfortable to talk about my mental health with my family and friends, but sometimes I joke about my suicide attempts and substance abuse in a somewhat explicit way and they all seem very uncomfortable. Once I had a friend tell me that if it was him telling me this I'd be really angry. But I'm used to normalizing my situation and don't know how to stop. Any tips?",5.417931034482759,6.6242808505747135,5.933965517241383,78.34508620689657,68.08045977011494,9.018390804597699,32.89080459770115,9.2995712137729,2.973308045977012,362,16,67,7,6,117,66,87,0.249,0.617,0.134,-0.9545,0,0,0,0,1,2,6.0,0,0,1,2,3,5,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,2,2,19,11,8,2,2,3,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,11,5,9,8,3,7,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,3,3,41,14,0,0.0,0.2301117737998012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207214654011926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830876283760201,0.0,0.09820040908699758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000984335025977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064403480278945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673490831979714,0.1583102914317201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957219829695259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190288436424894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20683151932595034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441843012415935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17680508679769916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183046181364407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19208256354772546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237155933642314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4248770803239528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561018170964048,0.3395031069492967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21124900871599928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16773849678657748,0.0,0.1602468492810559,0.0,0.1541579943650982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,NervousBoyss,2020/03/16,"Being ignored Hi I'm new to this subreddit, my name is Billy. Recently I've seen a pattern with my partners (I'm polyamorous) when I speak in the chat. I type type type type type and then they SEE it but they don't answer me. It's not like silly things like ""oh I ate a muffin it was so good"" it's normally me sharing pictures of my art that I spent DAYS on and me asking for emotional support when I'm having a tough time. Idk why but they're always silent when I say stuff but when the other sends a pic of their art or says they're having a tough time THEY get the attention and support they want. I know I sound like a bitch but I'm getting to the point where I want to leave the group chat and cut off all contact because I'm not being acknowledged as a human. 🤷🏻‍♂️ If I bring it up to my fiance he'll get upset and say ""well sometimes I don't feel good!"" and then I'll be in the wrong and we'll get in a fight. Does anyone have any input about this? I'm feeling really BPD today and I feel like splitting on them until they make an effort to talk to me.",-0.1711191812479349,1.8430030815450704,2.03461373390558,96.43689253879171,86.8540772532189,4.7863321228128095,17.545229448662926,6.093298490706669,-0.4046565203037309,830,20,194,7,26,279,131,233,0.166,0.728,0.107,-0.8957,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,1,0,7,1,8,19,3,1,15,0,11,1,0,1,1,31,37,23,0,4,8,0,3,4,1,2,0,5,0,2,11,9,1,1,7,4,1,2,4,8,1,0,4,10,27,11,20,28,1,24,0,0,2,0,26,9,1,2,17,109,38,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997976342347427,0.0,0.0,0.09805588739903416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082279267862897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480058181965812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789844804469413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18160548537142515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929922743680057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126183883558996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621972255623929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21872427703100986,0.10301119580285716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013386513107489,0.0,0.0,0.24188376131305814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792444616516703,0.0,0.0,0.15267910443169888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817808112943804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962496554617318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926207584534067,0.0,0.0,0.14127809673896455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630857916984349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092373448105602,0.0,0.14237276042082905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34400314063854925,0.0,0.0,0.1149028040197804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426101317799978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506598684190707,0.0,0.3272560234175833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589652020488675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579513171508366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815968607724466,0.0,0.13667768970974095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700970190903778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296464309483048,0.0,0.1301113603696037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15765193188920518,0.0,0.0 bpd,prissally,2020/03/16,"I want to know what it feels like to have BPD So my psychiatrist said I have characteristics of BPD. While I know the textbook symptoms and characteristics of BPD, I want to know how it feels to have it and how it affects your relationships. I want to know how much I resonate with it.",3.178214285714283,5.286873250000003,4.370857142857143,83.67414285714288,75.42857142857143,7.337142857142857,25.485714285714288,8.238735603445708,1.4297828571428577,226,8,48,4,5,74,28,56,0.0,0.878,0.122,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,4,0,16,13,7,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,8,1,8,12,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,34,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7180388363158278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921779021060813,0.13576322508560762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4177597823286356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928429949055669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969983712410847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20402975224836564,0.0,0.0,0.1807697094101854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975223043219244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362681072068092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Faded_Fairy,2020/03/16,"Reading a certain subreddit I went over to a sub that discusses BPD folks to try and gain some insight on how I can improve as a partner, daughter, friend,etc... I just got so depressed reading all the negative experiences, I feel for those who have been abused, how could I not? I just hate to see nothing positive at all. Everything pwBPD do is vile, evil, insincere, and never self aware. It makes me scared of myself and for the people in my life. Am I a monster? Or will I eventually become one? The only comfort I have is that I am actively trying to improve, with regular therapy sessions, DBT, meds, resisting my initial impulses before I act. I'm miles away from the person I used to be, but is that enough? My partner also recently got told from an older friend of his who studied psychology that his best advice for dating a pwBPD is ""Don't."" So, I guess this has all been on my mind. I don't mean to invalidate anyone's experiences, I just wish there was more than all of these horrible stories and ominous warnings. There is more to BPD than this, deep down I know that. We can truly love, we can care for people, and we can grow.",4.873648648648646,5.7989169054054095,5.968486486486487,78.63191891891893,69.13513513513513,9.163243243243244,31.46666666666667,9.3871,2.8260915315315325,891,37,170,18,15,297,138,222,0.11900000000000001,0.7090000000000001,0.172,0.9411,0,0,0,0,1,0,36.0,3,0,0,2,10,12,3,1,10,0,23,2,0,4,6,34,39,13,0,2,6,1,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,4,12,9,0,0,4,2,0,3,5,6,0,1,7,2,27,6,27,29,9,16,0,1,1,1,16,9,0,3,4,129,39,3,0.0,0.15840136119666418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306407927708367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691223100213074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347949421419084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256066096565645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765063501208486,0.11376075431480538,0.0,0.14029991392424107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367569667139736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630635748341102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674097222988477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115147417161091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813800671987622,0.14910022809522336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015238576231782,0.2615498912504092,0.0,0.0,0.06759792518475262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20657787115732168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138489843224464,0.0,0.14727513948904636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199167399566358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347279318165695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442954188265468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066088058669948,0.0,0.08923943556623938,0.0,0.0,0.1456281287605611,0.14849998831777206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498927701800706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031103422928096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827962414844507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905921312584285,0.10167763669110697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18536829550442985,0.11673337312576952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674533232069809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200322348181012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338474960365103,0.0,0.10653400603371807,0.0,0.13946833064265576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288671862036846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774698574372426,0.0,0.1815341246480583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154656529621654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393241718435935,0.0,0.0,0.15373745769260258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,skully_bpd,2020/03/16,"Suffering in Silence Maybe I’m going to sound like a complete asshole posting this but in my life currently there is certain people, who believe that it’s only their mental health that matters and because they act on their impulses more often than other people that they should get more help and I’m just sick of suffering in silence and I think it’s because I don’t act on my impulses as much as they do and they just laugh it off when they’ve had enough. I really don’t know what to do but at the same time the alternative is acting on suicidal tendencies, which for me I definitely don’t want to be an option.",6.272299651567942,6.130378390243906,6.996190476190478,76.2,65.91056910569105,10.280603948896633,33.01858304297329,9.957137785484203,3.1405851335656223,494,19,94,10,7,164,79,123,0.125,0.731,0.14400000000000002,-0.1181,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,6,0,5,5,0,0,4,0,10,3,0,0,1,17,17,9,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,11,4,0,0,2,0,0,4,3,2,0,0,1,1,13,3,16,14,5,16,0,2,0,0,8,8,0,2,4,70,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972177607772978,0.0,0.0,0.2746618565286341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556036025460887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518947459017967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736743533385694,0.0,0.1385484537042587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591317187700966,0.0,0.0,0.1634037346495862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397768658063144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172192331589014,0.11910088236191205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449144815544066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456776222888937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17920979266362588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540923722852845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380192084936098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334783385681757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617471077114334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26666087599186183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620738165018588,0.0,0.0,0.14215280946564154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379052262455475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,letmeadoreu,2020/03/16,"My FP has a new FP I feel so abandoned, i cant stop hurting myself. I want to ghost everyone, i am so sick of having people come in and out of my life. i am never important enough to be someone’s first choice.",0.8049999999999997,2.205867543478264,3.5167391304347824,90.33206521739132,80.08695652173913,6.339130434782609,22.369565217391305,7.1686216300943375,0.6686695652173915,161,5,37,2,4,57,36,46,0.24600000000000002,0.636,0.11699999999999999,-0.8069,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,1,8,9,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,1,8,0,6,8,1,7,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852439806717705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421515713602639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164142363613776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16743209831859227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816637544465511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544874861666832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23389085238140545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25539217248530954,0.31981280575931514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22956771671039514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805701016205439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768441714216726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19531234399738254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Misery_personified,2020/03/16,"Does anyone else have mild hallucinations? I’m not diagnosed BPD or anything but I have strongly suspected it for awhile as I have literally every symptom. When I’m really in a hole, I mean super fucking depressed, I sometimes see flys buzzing around my apartment or hear a TV show in the other room when the TV isn’t one. Sometimes I also here random knocking and stuff like that, along with random shadows in the corner of my eyes that are gone when I’m startled and turn my head quickly. It’s pretty subtle I guess, and it’s Not like I’m hearing distinct voices 24/7 so I didn’t even mention it to my therapist. Anyways, I was just wondering if this is a symptom of BPD?",4.272481203007523,5.759248917293235,5.389481203007518,80.11143984962409,71.10526315789474,7.4252631578947375,31.34511278195489,7.908726449838941,2.298158496240601,538,24,98,7,10,178,88,133,0.069,0.7879999999999999,0.14300000000000002,0.8972,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,11,7,1,1,6,0,8,6,2,0,1,20,21,13,0,1,7,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,1,0,9,6,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,3,0,1,3,5,12,4,11,18,0,12,0,1,2,1,3,7,1,7,6,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564517595563612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985878218696787,0.16098335499335156,0.12929263581446185,0.13986606909709445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39576284154261293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532331478288928,0.15946888383058058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749279712574186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312498055437599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377327900847093,0.0,0.13237655070771254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452507103029006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308039165905434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124578894725825,0.0,0.35416108263769264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15351735431058974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114479504076638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646550133197093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984290603058454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065218633289806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252006791729801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107824131555609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17985961123635652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266062410812517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18242315780074514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089650276654642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038501340243506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,NickJamesBlTCH,2020/03/16,"I need a little help with my BPD girlfriend. I'll delete this tomorrow. I've spent 2+ years with this girl, and I care about her very much. She's finally in a position where she's actually giving a shit about herself, going to therapy, etc... Everything is great for the first time since we started dating, but something I constantly worry about is that she doesn't realize that other people are capable of loving her just as much as I do. I mean I've tried to tell her, but she has essentially never had a relationship that didn't involve some kind of abuse (emotional, physical, etc...) and I don't think she believes it. Are there any tips or experiences from any of you that can clue me in on some way that I can get her to realize this? I just need her to be happy. If she's happy with me, that's great, but not necessary. I am very drunk and will delete this tomorrow, , but I appreciate your advice in advance.",5.4239360639360665,5.607289065934067,6.552837162837168,77.55125374625378,67.68131868131869,10.574225774225775,30.281718281718287,10.436869588844218,2.981509890109891,718,25,145,18,11,242,110,182,0.08199999999999999,0.733,0.185,0.9646,0,0,1,0,1,0,29.0,1,2,0,2,7,8,1,0,5,0,15,3,1,0,1,25,26,11,0,3,9,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,12,7,1,0,4,1,1,2,5,1,0,1,3,0,28,7,21,21,6,19,0,0,0,1,23,6,1,4,10,103,40,0,0.0,0.16258742672998344,0.1339103562478434,0.0,0.0,0.13409323103103912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18663339206054846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460391083392694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282821384167724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990851936335338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828987054232345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543579849842727,0.0,0.0,0.30608098601827505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233276473698318,0.13423092913675858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032165362934113,0.0,0.11672225205282695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169362307666735,0.13163729986229392,0.07798728608840727,0.0,0.0,0.30257882022153976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921539674938952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919780297890092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289717470961713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375340122878862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384958016369893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494766366640349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20175014583901849,0.20349899575274108,0.10583523459638516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513350748914873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473267010148251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085796654798918,0.11351270992307134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564136624790806,0.0,0.0,0.09712751044760984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993940078386417,0.0,0.15692704894634601,0.0,0.0,0.08792728779115645,0.0,0.0,0.0800161353206577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931657593319641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264475427394831,0.0,0.10892163925294228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935714082203068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836744483328733 bpd,boogiedarose,2020/03/16,"I mean what do I do now? Some backround: I'm 17 m and have had severe mental health issues since 14 self harm, addiction, complete withdraw, dissociation. It's to the point where I cant even name what I'm feeling anymore I literally have to draw out my emotions I cant I just fucking cant anymore I feel like I reciding mentally almost. But anyways So I've begged my parents for the past 6 months to see a therapist, psychiatrist anything. But it just dosnt happen. My mother always says they never call back or somthing similar. I just physically cannot separate reality from my mind. I dont know if she just dosnt fucking care or she crys broke and goes on a fucking 1000$ shopping spree I mean what the fuck can I do. Nothing its hopeless",1.6214965986394567,4.255663700680273,3.7296938775510253,82.86828231292519,85.4625850340136,6.259863945578233,27.214285714285715,7.594959193182576,1.9619632653061216,592,28,110,11,18,201,99,147,0.107,0.8370000000000001,0.055,-0.7927,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,1,0,10,9,4,0,5,0,12,6,0,0,1,22,26,8,0,1,9,2,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,6,3,0,0,5,1,1,0,6,7,0,0,1,4,19,2,7,25,1,9,0,2,1,4,9,4,4,5,6,68,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865979699877038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655152024740855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134679921892874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27047818441092364,0.0,0.0,0.11221814887476077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048575505638904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924561511259062,0.0,0.1390349067645176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297785730076165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982071972285547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533941474636786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006889835323563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790216977488734,0.09742037513036868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.504275150096753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205885944811239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495139168365734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233137260482245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494355463928816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662186601875357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29708655822572266,0.0,0.0,0.274851055867087,0.0,0.13769146128560006,0.0,0.10884657367846187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517438138483756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308474961297168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141904731692207,0.0,0.13017741516863984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891057921148208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844424804455062,0.0,0.0,0.10866657923825172,0.0,0.14226017557445553,0.15405552002835166,0.0,0.11280391724934401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833221243679074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shishigumi,2020/03/16,"Any advice for someone currently going insane? Recently cut off a fwb. It was confusing me and I knew I wasn’t happy with it. It constantly reminded me of my sexually abusive relationships in the past. Not that the current relationship was abusive or anything. It was just sex itself or feeling objectified that was a reminder. So as attempt to stabilize my values, I wanted to stop having sex. To me, this was the first step to forming an identity and fixing my symptoms of BPD. But honestly, I relapsed back into everything I wanted to avoid after I sent a goodbye text. More so, not receiving a reply has made me feel continuously crazy and anxious for days on. I’m constantly on my phone waiting for something, or I’ve resorted to distracting myself my some form of stimulation. At this rate, I’m worried I’ll start doing impulsive shit again. I’m aware of what I’m doing is because of BPD. But I have no idea what to do at this point. I gave up on DBT because it wasn’t that applicable to my situations. Anyone know what to do in situations like this? I’m THIS CLOSE to sending a text I’ll regret.",3.2878169014084517,5.630575,5.515612676056339,74.48722183098592,75.99530516431925,8.579248826291082,30.36830985915493,9.255337874911486,3.2037081690140847,877,42,153,23,20,306,124,213,0.166,0.758,0.075,-0.9542,2,1,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,2,5,9,2,3,9,0,15,4,1,2,0,29,32,11,0,3,8,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,17,6,0,3,5,0,0,5,5,6,0,1,11,2,19,3,31,21,4,31,0,1,0,2,7,12,1,5,15,112,36,0,0.0,0.33777699087615204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929000841420006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693318055878247,0.0,0.0,0.16103144278686182,0.0,0.09966840570609628,0.0,0.11729959703390015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960569703242108,0.0,0.17378408091867453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3590523276248903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080736761544615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091927544189198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810720502268327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441466385508425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124581789515745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100967999600521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173819094957502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091212381137135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833713929185789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963862900971365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348763148309754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607209257423894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474789190997294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074264033084907,0.3060726819125002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631691096424526,0.0,0.32044547652154115,0.0,0.0,0.1207750408452557,0.10973549283895326,0.0,0.0,0.10089168292444446,0.0,0.0,0.11917116584447655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481553076331609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814946558895416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447579208020303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jaymoen1,2020/03/16,De personalization I woke up cause i had an online class and when i went to unlock my ipad that I've been using everyday for over a year i had forgotten the pascode... Hi I'm dorry i suffer from fucking dissociative memory loss.,0.8336190476190488,3.3774609333333387,3.9615873015873007,78.11,95.22222222222223,7.015873015873016,19.761904761904766,7.957251820313856,1.6811904761904763,182,6,33,5,7,65,38,45,0.19,0.81,0.0,-0.7884,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,3,0,3,1,0,2,0,3,8,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,5,0,6,0,5,3,0,6,0,2,0,1,2,2,1,0,3,20,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4742324917545124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42677968361447655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030871317813725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987096202697498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279458499306221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.297281680972793 bpd,catxbat,2020/03/16,"It’s tough right now. Be kind to yourselves out there. It’s so easy to absorb the anxiety of those around us when everyone is feeling a bit on edge. Give yourself some extra breathing time, take breaks, take care. ❤️",1.6004651162790715,4.141477883720935,2.3081860465116293,93.83158139534883,84.11627906976744,5.300465116279073,22.55348837209302,6.742157984588678,0.6110595348837209,171,6,35,2,5,53,39,43,0.067,0.687,0.24600000000000002,0.8638,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,7,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,6,6,3,8,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,3,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22499939281835535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618272926830837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211005771460706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998728067839723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810422630347589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871485037219753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28214469545382903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30627853869559724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511750844281284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4422801233109505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17150251604261313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35378762676503994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DearDefinition,2020/03/16,"Guilt is one of the most painful feelings in existence. And it's not even something I feel 24/7 like normal people do. I have a problem with not feeling anything and being all reckless. But that only worsens the times I do because it's like... I do these things without emotion, then I feel emotions afterwards... But it's too late and the damage has been done. I just fucked myself over. Having the people leave you in life with no control,.. I can't help but blame myself. Then when someones willingly leaves because I've fucked shit up *yet again, i*t feels like they fucking **died**. I guess having OCD doesn't help this at all. Not with the recovery process at least. I blame myself for everything, it is hard not too. I've been blamed for everything by others all my life. Motherfuckers talk about ""oh family is sooo important"" YOU CAN KISS MY ASS. Kiss it. Fucking shove your whole head up my ass, I don't care. I will beat the next person who says that to me. They cost me everything. They put my life through hell, and they continue to do so even after not being around. I constantly **fear** what's happening with my siblings and worrying about their safely, I have to deal with my psychotic bitch-ass mother who commits tax fraud using my social security. I'm too afraid to take these people to court. I'd rather kill myself than see them again. Just the mere idea of seeing these unstable bastards makes me want to die. &#x200B; ANd so it's a loop of misery. I can't do anything and my intrusive thoughts won't let me go, which makes my OCD worst due to my obsession problem. Been stalking this dude for 3 years. I just wanna let go and technically I can, but then I'd be empty and forced to feel all that shit. I don't wanna be left alone. I need attention. I need that distraction.",1.5338218390804634,4.213684968390808,2.4811724137931077,91.04773563218392,87.24712643678161,5.622068965517242,21.526436781609195,7.123485893559443,0.827409885057472,1411,48,277,22,45,444,187,348,0.295,0.631,0.07400000000000001,-0.9984,0,1,1,0,0,2,63.0,0,3,6,2,19,27,9,5,9,0,33,15,5,4,5,58,59,19,3,9,14,1,7,3,0,3,4,1,0,1,21,15,0,3,9,0,2,3,13,19,0,1,5,10,46,8,36,45,8,28,1,1,2,8,19,9,10,2,19,192,67,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378050896722613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810881308380902,0.11002583517291742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902671875716542,0.08060699362999413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103945452773167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231980813971813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785031290322428,0.10155737763305976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933511004592144,0.0,0.0,0.1879492346270156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266212935017908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20370881806807492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961231332229084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441363427041157,0.0,0.08536067667555756,0.10189177033950438,0.2747029969365394,0.06468757055498149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348409848284285,0.0,0.0,0.10292112763084428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974892493942343,0.0,0.08007137319256832,0.0,0.08111329937894891,0.0,0.09292845910692027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213849464182777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221776726532583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001780410717166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214218472745518,0.1917546974039296,0.09838076011178473,0.1851831050078261,0.191870372379127,0.13271166281670022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088310071633482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428051651184367,0.0,0.0,0.09629891644495683,0.0,0.08871789885990031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06135772630975149,0.06886589946888849,0.09634954735692412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883239247836067,0.07906309587786282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328457856086427,0.0,0.09102583573181554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200747212558217,0.0,0.0,0.14431020209142345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18589261763093695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230237043682572,0.07672109921967325,0.0697083401926069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680808916386549,0.07277912142849338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015612471388612,0.0,0.0,0.0718850657693052,0.05279931697154218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820447354769727,0.0,0.0,0.053407606997683536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010937040857159,0.0,0.08728512345082788,0.0,0.0,0.09195597639180957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002583517291742,0.05830999848993525 bpd,yNova,2020/03/16,"How to properly care for someone with BPD? A friend of mine told me she has BPD. We were romantically involved at first but she told me that she is battling BPD and that she didnt want to hurt me so we are just friends with feelings for each other. She is on anti depressants and is going to therapy. She self medicates with drugs. She is a mess, but when she is in a good place, she is one of the sweetest, most compassionate people I have ever met. She knows she has it and it cognizant of her affliction. She is a really good friend. At first, she was all affectionate and it felt perfect, but now she has been having a bad mental health week and its apparent. All the positivity was sucked out of the room and she has been cold. We are still talking daily and she tells me that I am a fantastic friend, but I know she is struggling. I conveyed to her that I would never abandon her and will always be her friend and be there for her. I think she is putting up a wall mentally because she doesnt want to deal with the devastation of me rejecting her, but I havent. I have been really adamant about her being in my life. I am also being very careful about fully committing for my own mental health, but she is in therapy and I think she has a chance. I am trying to be supportive, but I dont want to be her crutch. How do I be a good friend to someone with BPD?",3.215810208975676,4.468363568345328,4.556310380267217,85.97459232613909,73.38848920863309,8.029051044878385,25.468311065433372,8.563005593585519,1.5535174374785887,1064,34,229,19,21,353,128,278,0.109,0.655,0.23600000000000002,0.9929,1,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,3,0,0,3,12,24,2,1,13,0,43,5,0,2,6,48,60,22,0,4,8,0,2,0,6,2,5,0,1,1,9,20,0,1,6,0,0,2,5,9,0,3,11,3,53,15,32,40,5,21,0,4,0,0,47,11,1,1,8,186,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404755835198522,0.07704580243961033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731229984680958,0.0564445725642668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4664766773540351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888119416252436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954605673783588,0.07975125962104693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851972754556227,0.0,0.10737988988333234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375676640312275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046818416028483634,0.0,0.0889049647945323,0.0,0.0,0.15752117984845146,0.0,0.0,0.4292283537263142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05262342484732375,0.2329908972444625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19684663615754028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912401965280852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177471537926576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540203068597222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327892777558344,0.2799395636876328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141436499877944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274423480560888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419316830877259,0.0,0.09674124447925504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308275834246682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863644718634872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659595777502948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690955168977774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394585778032821,0.0,0.0,0.09679957535426596,0.0,0.0,0.10507481515199632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442372067052241,0.08093142305564771,0.0,0.2117791035164097,0.0,0.0,0.11866126526987147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769554763282439,0.0,0.0628653923024287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639992263420797,0.16384339685037008,0.0,0.07427349214001469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577627196364201,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SaltyCracker666,2020/03/16,"I just want to die.. Sorry... to begin with I 17(F) went to rehab on January 4th 2019 and I got out august 2020. I went for mental health, suicide and assault and basically a lot. I used to be pretty popular at school. I had a lot of friends I walked with people to my classes I was just struggling emotionally and I hurt some people in the long run. When I got back 8 months later I realized that no one liked me anymore. They moved on with their lives and seemingly forgot me while I was at residential rehab with no outside contact. I had to go to school for one more semester while I finished up my graduation and it was hell! I was alone everyday. People I used to hangout daily ignored me! I was alone all the time! Literally! I have no one! Sat alone at lunch, crowd alone in the bathroom... got made fun of because I’m a crackhead. People whispering. I had and have apologized a long while back and feeling were cleared but these people where people I didn’t know. Videoing me and stuff I don’t understand. I guess why I’m upset now is because now I’m graduated. I sit alone at home all day long with my dry ass phone. I cant drive yet so I guess I do drivers ED for fun. Rehab stunted my driving progress. Anyways, my mom cheated my dad and that’s been really rough. She completely walked out on us and said she wanted to party and live her (one life she has) being carefree and didn’t want the baggage of a family. So she hoed around till she got caught. That hurts me a lot because we had a close relationship and I love my mother a lot. Then one day she walks out and blocks me and runs away and only talks through her attorney. It gets worse. Dad just can’t handle it. He tells me stories of how he wants to get shot instead. Or how I’m a fucking idiot cause my health pushed her out. Or how if he could he’d have a time machine and go back in time and have mom and not kids. He hates me now. He says stuff like “I’m counting down till you’re 18 to kick you out” or “go ahead and leave” I’m 17 so I’m legally not aloud too but he makes me feel like I’m a chore to be loved. If he kicks me out in a few months where will I go? Rehab stunted my life? I cant drive? Have no job experience? No friends? I’m graduated recently that’s it. It’s frustrating because I have nobody to talk to. I have no friends, family, my hamster sure as hell doesn’t get it. I’m completely and utterly useless. I’m nothing. If I were to kill myself who would care. I don’t want to die but I see no other way out. Dads mad all the time, mom blocked me. But my old friends make it worse. They post each other frequently on social media and I can’t help but get jealous, envious even. They didn’t realize I spent 8 months thinking about how excited I was to get out and hangout with them again. How much I cared for them. How much I missed them. Now I’m forgotten. I’ve tried messaging them but I noticed I can’t find some of their accounts due to them blocking me and the others haven’t responded at all. I would do anything to have someone there for me. No one cares anymore. I’m so lonely. I don’t know why I’m on reddit I guess it seems friendly. But I’m just tired of being in trouble and yelled at, having no escape. Being cornered. I wish I had friends. I’m so sad, so so sad. I just want to never wake up again. I’m so lonely. I have no support system at all and everyone just goes on with great lives plentiful of ditching their family, having friends and talking to someone who cares. I’m just so done. Nobody cares until you’re dead. I don’t think I will kill myself, but hell I want to. But I don’t think I will.",0.2745918066607729,2.5337410981432384,2.29430946065429,93.53526908340702,87.6206896551724,5.3139758325965225,20.84462127910404,6.79199562140847,0.4033904391394052,2804,94,620,37,90,934,306,754,0.207,0.644,0.149,-0.9949,1,10,0,0,0,5,90.0,2,1,11,2,43,50,14,2,18,0,57,16,2,12,8,129,134,67,6,14,24,7,3,3,7,5,9,4,2,1,20,47,1,5,13,3,2,17,28,26,0,6,30,8,103,24,79,92,16,97,3,8,1,5,65,35,5,17,44,398,123,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722284880406748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042687740161524,0.0,0.0,0.04325986153381183,0.046797613369887546,0.0,0.0,0.04939036727898438,0.1212670988691242,0.0,0.12818245701474845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679883278823285,0.05400291083684781,0.0,0.0,0.11023532951225118,0.0,0.0,0.04197212102583293,0.0,0.0,0.06780539632406013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911678030835892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05379640534995235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05913312281404352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03472137181314961,0.0,0.0,0.050231994653125125,0.0,0.051422633036417635,0.1486723085986036,0.0,0.05316099783762858,0.03755535072508778,0.0,0.0,0.048047173278145235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843031059132771,0.04859925374565269,0.1373258344493247,0.0,0.11950484496593056,0.0,0.16817713505367907,0.05795758003355558,0.17373225621604466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05190106853642867,0.0,0.11175691626078264,0.0,0.0,0.035235936335016316,0.0,0.052731058674734405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125525432388422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052166685730083866,0.0,0.11631976390898305,0.0,0.057781166933443213,0.0,0.0,0.05566304973585907,0.0,0.0,0.07426217088929774,0.07704776975902297,0.0,0.13925834320183042,0.13956590550758707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17876935758380172,0.0948912676598354,0.04974212061523571,0.0701805185322184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05297725340533743,0.0,0.0,0.18470476163984195,0.12588037905566854,0.05587259692743261,0.0772886232796147,0.0,0.04054450390809914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05044143591189314,0.059850229223208026,0.055162390921101936,0.0,0.21373295470709666,0.03998114298255367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186686247294459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050346633086665836,0.05348163828888187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03367708931299832,0.0,0.05190560996433776,0.056439502665088334,0.0,0.0,0.05000521925647308,0.04180503066202985,0.0,0.10640540114185762,0.041890738871892506,0.0957138053122299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05358754185343289,0.08908319680239417,0.0,0.0,0.058846764665098174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549566009768546,0.12035800536660896,0.057502025089196565,0.059654752284722015,0.049545721877620776,0.0,0.0,0.12675907012403653,0.045947680112030896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105240311714288,0.0,0.0,0.12261377880784526,0.06042040729374176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03569094458703888,0.0,0.0,0.054726250882661545,0.06323411284873323,0.09080558775532643,0.0,0.0,0.2170461769524345,0.041726877114309516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974641003247224,0.09487080960307076,0.0,0.060451830685791685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714473720036947,0.07468711136017678,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chzis,2020/03/16,"An overwhelming fear of mixing up different aspects of your life It's strange. I don't know if it's just me, but does anyone else feel extremely uncomfortable with introducing your friends to your other friends/family members/whatever. I have always felt this way since I was very, very young and always thought it was pretty normal until my friends introduced THEIR siblings and friends to me. They always ask to come over to my house but I feel so uncomfortable with that because I really don't want them meeting my family... And not just family, but introducing other people to them like even my classmates to my friends have me quaking. I remember the last time I (begrudingly) managed to hang with two groups of friends, they ended up in the same class together and skyrocketed and I was just there... But I know this feeling has existed way before that. And once I hung with my close friend and classmate and my classmate followed my friend back on Instagram and that was the shittiest moment of my week. It's so bad to the point I hate telling the names/showing pictures of my (general) relationships to them. I find it very hard to explain this but I just makes me feel terrible and I guess one of the reasons may be my immense fear of people getting close to each other and leaving me out, which had already happened. This is why I can't have friends.",6.234249652616953,7.4282274133858275,6.218161185734138,77.09332792959707,66.20472440944881,9.59851783232978,34.626215840666966,9.773937934552695,3.430920611394164,1089,50,194,23,17,344,134,254,0.15,0.7040000000000001,0.146,-0.0177,2,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,3,6,0,9,15,1,3,7,0,15,1,0,2,0,50,33,20,0,3,11,0,6,1,8,1,1,0,0,0,16,20,0,0,12,0,0,3,4,6,0,2,7,6,40,9,29,24,2,22,0,1,0,0,23,9,0,3,9,138,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640141247619628,0.0,0.2406864625381669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741881747559872,0.09879326177524086,0.0,0.0,0.0901392986630732,0.0,0.0,0.07414071119292105,0.08050632814770106,0.05877648563061224,0.0,0.08204596735903172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305693709264945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073794711703014,0.0,0.0,0.08437743081708339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054619309909174,0.0,0.08539913571134533,0.0,0.0,0.06368422821590702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272687418029765,0.21699768444874695,0.19501056218030652,0.0,0.09257792464964153,0.0,0.0881257562241769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5959482732391153,0.0,0.050375254918347344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621704611660224,0.0,0.08526352283174649,0.0,0.08637301169948207,0.09519438088766946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112552584804497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597936744472836,0.07859483279666804,0.0,0.10209442131630668,0.0,0.0,0.0681040061460308,0.04710574013094351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436082339384773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447072397314353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268371393602743,0.06533640787618099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369040328503218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114767579095036,0.0,0.0,0.09809338399641958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06176885674327625,0.09913539465156462,0.0,0.10351855299549396,0.10922459680845008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975927918627021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427496937600502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654638233494937,0.05622303688082045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418792671332556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386687727917464,0.056870770876932826,0.15306676125500382,0.0773419771853608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870036806480914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Raquel300,2020/03/16,"When the void feels normal I float through reality while I perceive the days go by at a high speed and I feel nothing . I know I exist but I still wonder if I do.....and something’s not right when you fully understand the things that make no sense. It hasn’t hurt for a long time but that doesn’t make it any better. It simply feels normal, it feels normal to be empty. So..... is it?",0.4276230661040792,2.6360418607594944,2.1725738396624514,95.12049226441636,86.08860759493669,4.5237693389592115,16.372714486638532,5.82211442006289,-0.62292517580872,293,6,65,2,9,96,56,79,0.127,0.8220000000000001,0.051,-0.6956,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,5,0,4,0,0,2,0,18,14,8,0,4,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,8,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,4,8,1,5,13,0,12,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,2,8,41,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339714818018954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423663786454044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705318490986245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984505336995032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196358983372763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20814865933352225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21090001479905265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082698676609225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434495149245918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630073381041497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5790749480216434,0.18903348203743636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16824285905531158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166557516371365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573300049253803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308826638124323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487633695787618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20509118299633214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21364563375353832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,helpibrokeit,2020/03/16,"Reconnected with an old FP from when I was a kid. Living down old habits is discouraging as hell. (Long) To start I’d like to say that I’ve been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for six years and I love him more than anything. I can’t imagine being with anyone else. I’m extremely secure in this relationship. He’s the only person I’ve ever been this deeply comfortable around, romantically, emotionally, and intimately. Anyway, I reconnected with my high school best friend a few months ago, last we spoke was around maybe 2016. He has a girlfriend now and that made me really, really happy to hear. I feel like I get little warm fuzzies over it on his behalf haha, sympathy fuzzes, or something. He’s been through enough shit, in life, with family, with his health, and my leading him on into abandonment multiple times since we were kids sure didn’t help our friendship. I was so excited to hear how much he loves this girl. I do still feel like he’s my best friend even though we haven’t talked in years. I want to know all about her and I want to see pictures of them together, I want to see him happy with someone who supports him, someone who loves him. Our conversations feel like he’s keeping a distance, like he expects me to just fall right back into being attached to him like we were when we were younger. Up until the last time we spoke a year or so ago, he was more present and open in our conversations. He’s so reserved now. I don’t blame him. In college I’d get drunk and send him messages about how much I missed him. There was a withdrawal period for a while were we weren’t there for each other anymore. It was terrible not having him around. It brought out some of the worst in my clingy side when I was drunk, texting him at midnight from a bathroom stall at a dive bar. Everyone around me felt so alien. I wanted my own life in a new place, but at my worst I wanted to be back in his house with all our friends, watching shitty movies after everyone went home, when the home I had to return to was a toxic hell. I slept on the couch sometimes. His mom seemed to like having me around. I think she just didn’t think much of anything. Looking back I think she was high in painkillers, drunk, or just really mentally ill and extremely dissociated. We weren’t dating and we weren’t romantic together, but we were family. When we first met at 13 we bonded over our mutual aloneness, we were all we had in a lot of ways. We were and apparently still are very similar. Too similar in too many ways to be compatible romantically. But as a self made family, we were inseparable. Our relationship suffered from my borderline nonsense and other mental illnesses. But still, I loved him. At one point I may have wanted to push it further, but even as a teenager, I was scared of hurting him again. I never acted on it. I feel a lot of my love was mistaken for romantic interest, maybe only on hindsight, maybe I’m being anxious about it, or overthinking. I can’t know. It’s been over a decade. I thought enough time had passed, and I still believe that to be true. It hurts to be distanced, but I understand. I don’t know his side of anything. I don’t know if he’s just worried I’ll get weird, maybe he thinks I’m contacting him because something went wrong (nothing did), maybe he feels something about me and he’s keeping me at a length for his own self. But on that note, I don’t put any assumptions on his own feelings. I assume that any distance is on me and my clingy bullshit. I’m 30 now though, I’m stable, I’m a working professional, in a long term relationship. I’ve outgrown most of my ptsd symptoms, and I have a handle on the BPD side, and a person I am head over heels for. Anyway, regardless of the reason for his distance, he’s valid, and I have no intent to undermine any of his boundaries. I do miss my friend though, but at least it feels like all I have to do is prove that I want him to be happy, that I’m not after his attention, and I’m here to be supportive. It feels like I’m on friend probation. I hate this feeling but I know I earned it. I hope some day the four of us can hang out and be friends. If he decides it’s best for himself not to see me ever again, I wouldn’t be upset at all. Enough time has passed that I can let it go and I have the closure of knowing why already. Younger me was a crazy asshole.",3.296158766606528,4.922204636050516,4.314149417746435,86.29436337543055,73.82204362801376,7.594823683778911,25.990503526324424,8.284155479817844,1.5633217188781372,3422,118,710,57,70,1111,337,871,0.11699999999999999,0.733,0.15,0.9563,5,1,3,0,0,0,107.0,23,0,1,7,51,55,4,2,33,1,73,19,4,7,11,144,145,54,0,13,22,1,12,9,7,2,6,5,3,7,29,55,4,5,29,4,0,13,18,18,0,4,44,22,120,37,111,87,30,122,2,7,5,5,107,57,3,16,59,481,149,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574017325026616,0.0,0.0,0.050088553832353486,0.0533687836561913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866366607328346,0.0,0.0,0.054635411069887035,0.0479622112469839,0.03381590714330434,0.049552690059935435,0.11939367103780507,0.21526262675281133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156241680503154,0.0,0.029481089326639717,0.0,0.0,0.05448752931698864,0.1522591313108164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060910376184576225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031189555769364382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04040033166662062,0.054400856917367166,0.0,0.1499129423239227,0.0,0.06388542630910299,0.0874925825412009,0.0,0.092424124543263,0.0,0.0,0.1367744607887763,0.0,0.2200799931909082,0.17274948151324754,0.046435203414909816,0.0,0.0,0.04113678041110524,0.0,0.0,0.2241866465252124,0.0,0.07580160879812246,0.0,0.02748529784384976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444707494493295,0.0,0.047747564629517215,0.049633470513167265,0.05140665435637334,0.10901521067169674,0.0,0.032416098451939775,0.10219443492435233,0.0970222657472861,0.04803448088563718,0.0,0.05580337405563191,0.10354526378856986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859729191392444,0.0,0.0,0.15947128336599048,0.07884313808255665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04945352731700589,0.06831916767910509,0.2126455275316912,0.04847153274582485,0.042704623300525886,0.0855978792115912,0.04061198651432037,0.0,0.0,0.08223146166074291,0.2182434323189648,0.0915227830894534,0.0,0.04903158207343178,0.24293116566150466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747525059489724,0.0,0.0,0.05664111094737768,0.038602169499522485,0.0,0.10665513175069632,0.0,0.037299835539318316,0.04670842078715852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046404742505798416,0.0,0.1014957841869992,0.0,0.03277141285691726,0.07356311776824198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445584647903392,0.05052810466083218,0.0,0.04571781968721655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05653271079785724,0.048617271578056634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929460053820151,0.04972429694966802,0.0,0.2076911999811824,0.0,0.04130097202227336,0.0,0.03845948570352056,0.04841890229918813,0.04894503052846155,0.11561500474272605,0.044027042544172605,0.10090444237187056,0.0,0.04964300411559015,0.04000563165849042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195410646971245,0.11169452977233107,0.04783135683752,0.0,0.03423094567565694,0.0,0.15448815285648504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976148354916324,0.045580710073576586,0.050266742908321824,0.0,0.0388716267557948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395393222439985,0.14254656300629134,0.038394107967428905,0.11280132554472785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05034665517757105,0.058173655671768826,0.0,0.0,0.039903800160112114,0.1996765510589064,0.07677517315101166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966430866536172,0.04363927603723422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03520818723499351,0.049114063513106314,0.0,0.0,0.05287636801254689,0.0,0.09343082684745088 bpd,reakami,2020/03/16,"Just turned 23. Had a full on meltdown after the party ended. I have this habit of chronically throwing huge birthday parties and inviting everyone I care about because I’m terrified of spending it alone again. Anyway throughout the party, I was mentally counting how many people from previous years aren’t here now. My brain was cycling through the situations which caused them to leave me, or where I left them. My exFP didn’t come this year (i cut her off a few months ago) which was the first time in 5 years I didn’t have her at my birthday. After almost everyone left, I went out of the rented villa and had a full breakdown because I kept thinking that the people who came this year won’t be here for the next years too. My girlfriend and one of my closest buds followed me out and talked me out of it for an hour. Feels absolutely horrible when you’re surrounded in a room full of people you care about, who love you but you just can’t feel it. You just can’t. The emptiness is disgusting. Friends went out of their way to come to the party and even brought gifts, but one small misunderstanding can fuck it all up and i’ll never see them again. Im going to stop throwing parties RIP.",4.626803837414794,6.014108832618028,4.796495834385258,85.08576117142138,70.11587982832617,7.542438778086343,28.72734158040899,7.928766900206844,1.7510870487250705,950,35,186,12,17,297,136,233,0.11699999999999999,0.773,0.11,-0.5922,3,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,4,4,1,16,7,3,0,14,0,16,4,1,2,2,29,35,11,0,0,6,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,2,0,12,13,0,2,3,0,2,10,7,3,0,3,12,3,26,4,29,21,5,52,0,0,1,2,17,21,1,2,20,129,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216965670500854,0.0,0.12671105879811426,0.13105678878968186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427464366821084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125996249740272,0.0,0.1447275096348165,0.2580309646367845,0.1299909522789421,0.0,0.2180051977702436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207646297739142,0.0,0.0,0.08357816488926861,0.0,0.0,0.2418278836693762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796437499248495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107634457961599,0.0,0.0,0.09776412551744758,0.11698375470036225,0.0,0.0,0.07191532992546101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461594573451865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366844046432008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398708939550916,0.2749711350669777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420686454591485,0.0,0.0,0.12829122033207974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752208191310554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100264407423616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759508498743613,0.0,0.13457622369710653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149291822253704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26317972792229666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083562077009806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223573138608006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579271155903816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170767945699696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108142016615102,0.0,0.0,0.07378621644074386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376386698357661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044118747788784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346068205933868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4074365366844387 bpd,qweriopy,2020/03/16,"Overprotective I feel so much hate for people who aren’t my immediate family or my partner. Anyone outside of them feel like a threat, regardless of how kind or trustworthy they seem. I’m not sure when this started, but it seems to be getting worse. I’ll glare at people solely for having an “off vibe” if they try to talk to my partner or family. Is anyone else like this?",4.903561643835619,5.9337116849315095,5.945095890410961,78.443397260274,69.13698630136986,9.127671232876713,26.928767123287678,9.3871,2.2470789041095887,295,9,56,6,5,98,55,73,0.129,0.752,0.11900000000000001,-0.2072,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,3,0,3,6,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,1,13,12,8,0,2,6,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,7,4,9,11,1,4,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,6,4,36,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023659419650773,0.22153842780826588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806203850796005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4076576397207243,0.0,0.21865020232715085,0.15446446395886265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296372419043026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134681363797304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225155269586904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21126403606545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894334009013908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997933383776754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3936691136035709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303851068837565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037806390706713,0.0,0.0,0.17378590480986136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679619594497995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203421626763359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,violetflydf,2020/03/16,"Feeling abandoned by boyfriend because he is going through something My long-distance boyfriend of 4 months is in the military and deployed into a combat zone. We used to text every day and have long long phonecalls about once or twice a week, he was always so attentive, so loving, funny, talkative. I felt like I could be so open with him and he was open with me sharing his feelings, good and bad about his deployment, even sharing details about what he was ding because I work in the area of conflict (I'm not military though and never been to a war zone). Last week he was doing a mission for a day and after that, he completely changed, just shut down and told me something went wrong but no details He sent me messages telling me how he feels rage and is just done with everything but not too many. He told me he doesn't want to talk to anybody. I've been dealing with coronavirus isolation and I've been on my own which makes this harder. I have been talking to my best friend, but it doesn't totally take away the sadness I feel about my boyfriend not talking to me. I'm on the verge of wanting to text him to say I want to break up because he's not sharing with me and doesn't want to call and it's triggering me. I've tried to support him, but I've just been sending messages which are sometimes seen, but all basically not replied to. I don't want to pressure or hurt him, but I'm getting very frustrated and stressed out over it all, because I want him to talk to me so I can support him and feel like we're a couple, but I feel like I'm turning into an annoying stranger ...any advice or support would helpful :)",6.234885470085473,5.826633987692312,6.0836666666666686,83.60461111111114,66.04615384615384,8.945299145299145,36.20940170940171,8.167268648758528,2.69585811965812,1286,59,262,14,18,403,160,325,0.133,0.7090000000000001,0.158,0.8991,0,1,2,0,0,0,31.0,1,0,0,2,15,24,4,2,11,0,25,1,0,4,4,68,57,29,1,8,18,0,7,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,8,24,0,2,8,0,0,4,11,11,0,1,16,9,32,13,42,38,5,31,0,3,1,1,40,16,0,3,13,165,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482993743431507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807480957394499,0.0,0.0,0.06599301380156572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911757092286065,0.0,0.08102739918583432,0.2366276477145764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184132978137896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909242283632824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265932044499712,0.0,0.1017484269104155,0.0,0.0,0.07748146274643206,0.10737695948737278,0.0,0.12517025970777626,0.10004774809181556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930935285469224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409641950164417,0.0,0.08176346558009025,0.0,0.08721658053936589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29440912964471505,0.1386560143741191,0.09317712817084682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497568784478431,0.0,0.05070130489454764,0.0,0.05515214603728818,0.08139561438951654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504631697780726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388724077833844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910353182765767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223188526987104,0.0,0.0,0.257641745138458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758568831465605,0.0,0.06477739389001314,0.09838703550954224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745932031332195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484605000529898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334832640378104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717301024315426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941789491888344,0.09597865711521976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116317999221352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303719721920769,0.0,0.0,0.0729647520278162,0.3120000587546512,0.08482043265562247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534489923426054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854587439123992,0.0,0.06588627226400083,0.10555563086518928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381456062825418,0.0,0.08007117937656708,0.3434331754937661,0.0,0.15568513440887505,0.0,0.0,0.08996044128645071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064893730184027,0.0,0.0,0.0689370288545874,0.10610200359178323,0.0,0.0 bpd,nh192,2020/03/16,"FP changing after what seems like forever Title says it all really - recently diagnosed with BPD, FP has been my SO for forever. All been working as well as it could, but recently my mental health has taken a huge nosedive, and I've become friends with someone/sort of rekindled a friendship, and they are fast becoming my FP. Any advice on how I navigate this without jeopardising the relationship I have with my SO?",11.935877192982463,8.871674868421056,11.524210526315795,57.56114035087721,56.89473684210528,15.396491228070175,47.70175438596491,13.5591,6.527575438596492,334,17,53,10,3,111,57,76,0.0,0.82,0.18,0.9224,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,7,2,0,1,2,12,9,8,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,7,3,10,5,2,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,5,40,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20446169687272853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228674982475462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.462166506167221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635237408916828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213425361850963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705685754870098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21236878459359326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165418617472832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224066688024753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222149038053274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21085933374703114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340410866668798,0.0,0.41318798659014055,0.2246397305258433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639180678592366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190479384275672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18812709542818812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016947542775336,0.0,0.15232533094303422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PersonalWhatever,2020/03/17,Helping with weighted blanket So I have been doing my research and for my height and weight I’m supposed to have a 12 lb. but it’s been difficult to find one so do you think a 15 lb one would work? I’m 5’ 10” and about 130/135lbs,-0.9967714285714244,1.1068433800000044,0.8837142857142872,101.44900000000004,95.2,3.6571428571428566,21.142857142857142,5.288315135182226,-0.29011428571428555,179,7,43,1,7,58,37,50,0.069,0.8959999999999999,0.034,-0.3919,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,0,0,8,10,6,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,2,4,0,5,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,27,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820875722995119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20687210215061813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4182792743061024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19776138827375134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7516706281338541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246905720938116,0.0,0.0,0.21924605016502294,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,valcat79,2020/03/17,Fuck this shit I’m so sick of living like this. Wish I could cut myself up. Can’t because my husband would see it. Fuck. I’m about to smoke as much weed as possible. Haha. Sure that will get me real far. I want to get away from myself and these dark thoughts that have overtaken my brain. Hopeless.,-0.7438301043219049,1.226496852459018,0.6940387481371104,99.96374068554398,105.0655737704918,3.529657228017884,15.381520119225035,5.565023196281405,-0.7715704918032786,232,6,51,2,11,73,49,61,0.252,0.588,0.16,-0.8429,0,0,1,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,1,5,5,2,0,1,8,15,4,0,4,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,7,3,9,11,1,3,0,1,1,2,1,3,3,0,1,30,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268324426619653,0.0,0.0,0.1471741426158597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695169260765254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927630681953716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4463982774781159,0.2522755442799656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179510282330722,0.0,0.21318806270529808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747961975527887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721772617062277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748014196714481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923893088211372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478255293295954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227545931243421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19166930566914567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240230347076652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776338215990615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715057088915768,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cpn__beefheart,2020/03/17,"[NSFW] I think I may have been abused as a child but I’m not sure. I need advice on what to do next and how to figure this out. Please read. As the title says I think I may have been abused sexually as a child. I got diagnosed with bpd in the summer of 2019. When I received my diagnosis so many things lined up and made sense but I also had so many new questions I didn’t know how to answer or where to even go to answer them. I did my research about what causes this diagnosis I live with and many sites say it can be partly genetic but more often than not is caused due to inflicted trauma at a young age. This is where I am confused. I have a few things in my life that point towards me getting sexually abused as a young child but I can’t remember anything actually happening to me. I was very hyper sexual used as a kid and kind of still am. It makes me uncomfortable sometimes but I feel like a sex addict at times. When I first meet people my initial thought is I’d like to have sex with them. I wonder what they’d be like. I used to have these dreams as a young kid. And I can remember a specific one today. I would be at a park with my parents and time would stop them. Then these monsters would pop up around us and I’d have to fight them off with a sword. Eventually I’d lose and I’d be taken away to the parks bathroom where I was chained to the wall and stripped, then touched inappropriately by humanoid figures. Eventually these dreams stopped but they’ve come to me again when my mental illness seems to have flared back up. But now they’re much more real. I have sex against my will. I am hurt by someone I know or don’t know in a sexual way. It’s never enjoyable. When I was a kid it was enjoyable and I would try to bring myself back to that state of mind to have said dreams. I even had one last night where I was forced into sex against my will. I also developed really bad anxiety as a kid. I still have that anxiety but it’s not as bad anymore. But I’ll feel it when my gf (I am a 21 year old male) kisses me a lot or if she strokes or kisses my chest I’ll get uncomfortable. I’ve had a few instances where my brain moves too fast during intercourse and I can’t participate. I’ve also had instances where after having sex I feel so detached emotionally and I feel scared and uncomfortable, it’s made me have an acute panic attack before. The thing is though I don’t remember a thing about being hurt. I’ve researched repressed memory but I feel like I’d remember at least something down the line from before. If anyone has any advice on what to do about this or input I’d really appreciate it. I’ve been struggling with it for a while now. TL;DR: I think I was abused sexually as a child but don’t remember it and I don’t know how to recover that memory or figure out if it even happened to me or not.",2.787453521961336,4.14790791311755,4.362889045255908,86.51133749351904,74.63884156729132,7.69378564550774,23.8341233982668,8.321376580360154,1.2512409006740235,2223,65,484,38,46,745,245,587,0.17600000000000002,0.759,0.065,-0.9968,1,0,1,0,5,0,43.0,1,0,5,2,37,23,2,5,27,0,60,14,2,10,2,103,92,62,0,8,25,1,7,4,1,8,5,3,0,9,30,25,0,3,26,4,0,5,12,13,0,3,21,10,66,10,69,57,8,72,0,3,0,7,25,29,0,18,40,338,96,3,0.0,0.3272412676036634,0.06738066344542434,0.07527226134141543,0.0,0.13494536380277147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565243062543392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046954851478532594,0.0,0.10564271040749082,0.0,0.06847683433974756,0.0482798063578846,0.0,0.05682043161555458,0.0614671544470049,0.0,0.07855180665155073,0.06487265300766609,0.10618694642413816,0.1153040079637144,0.0,0.0,0.11750913364723604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696324942326802,0.07708014700133081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186216013880176,0.0,0.059478540111794015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008203329930725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766944788862545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681620301756928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456313630862522,0.09865548164111236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05873199805104831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214922016593216,0.0,0.03924143900580224,0.0,0.05522380945526482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211743029155628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783413213795982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190262729635431,0.1517873949662344,0.05628314838845743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04877048207077513,0.13493301111013528,0.0,0.06097044609208521,0.0,0.0,0.07724679310767049,0.0,0.05870194504441345,0.0,0.1306693393191554,0.04608992276694306,0.2100108044915837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958391214324905,0.0,0.06971856458580257,0.0,0.0,0.07338685239242584,0.05075805582834865,0.05119804669520515,0.05325389703099537,0.06668676671396401,0.0734330869275693,0.06479665489964141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245401972988652,0.0,0.09357711210296693,0.0,0.0,0.08101268114548009,0.07666937754396222,0.07477200646032668,0.0,0.04786902992510201,0.0,0.0,0.07579371701303375,0.06527246104177163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734930493802213,0.0,0.0690664554978173,0.07859147895756044,0.0884675393065935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3910883178378648,0.0,0.06568024123152756,0.10981911646025204,0.06912886344168354,0.0,0.0,0.06285849672862848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585039516140057,0.05315634686155755,0.06829001026540824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028327693369616,0.11545405526764152,0.0,0.07218372128140131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507670625783846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834890816394784,0.13272906933410453,0.06783908363757958,0.054816216820556665,0.08052462013118716,0.0,0.0654492125968263,0.0,0.0,0.0468789035447404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305596591157449,0.11927020814269185,0.0,0.05697164167471992,0.0,0.054806906068137824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487936139101832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961982194643561,0.0,0.0,0.044464500182671486 bpd,Marzipannn_,2020/03/17,The Chop Shop If anyone wants extra support/wants to support others there is a small group of us that chat on the reg. Message me for the invite link.,2.253,4.563876966666665,2.8633333333333333,92.345,79.33333333333334,4.0,20.0,3.1291,-0.4129999999999998,119,3,23,0,3,37,26,30,0.0,0.858,0.142,0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564390866863823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8323637297502758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4411533029842226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163177743084798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,4bruoliveira,2020/03/17,"greetings hello people! my name is bruna (f), i live in brazil and i am the newest member of this group.",-0.21142857142857352,2.091881190476194,1.7495238095238117,94.98714285714287,94.23809523809523,2.8000000000000003,11.761904761904766,3.1291,-1.5784095238095242,79,1,16,0,3,26,20,21,0.0,0.853,0.147,0.4753,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7865459098934185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6175318061686655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,petrasoros,2020/03/17,"Do I have BPD? Hi people! I’d normally seek out for pfofessional help, but now I can’t because of coronavirus, soo...here I am. I am not sure if I have BPD, but these are my symptoms: ( I’m not perfect in English, so please excuse my mistakes) -I go through a LOT of emotions a day( waking up anxious then I am happy then I am sad, then I am angry, then I am sad...), even tho I usually feel empty, because I have no idea who I am😕 -I get extremely angry over small things -I don’t really have a self identity, I idolize someone so much, that I want to be them( not like them, BE them, and I start to believe in the religion that they believe in and buy everything that they have, etc...) and then the next day/week I want to be someone else, and then someone else... -I dye and cut my hair sometimes multiple times a week( pink, red, black, blue...) -I impulsively do a lot of piercings (I have a LOT) -I am really scared that people will leave me😔 -I just randomly think that someone hates me and I never talk to them again -I’m sometimes scared that people want to hurt me or that they will never understand me -I drink a lot -usually i dissociate and I have no idea what the other person just said, and everything around me feels unreal -the anger issues are a big problem for me( even tho I’d NEVER hurt anyone) Thank you so much❤️",2.2321243606138097,3.8548571580882367,3.9890856777493617,87.52637468030693,76.68382352941177,7.377493606138108,24.693734015345267,8.18289091462,1.4189393861892583,1025,35,219,18,23,345,138,272,0.23600000000000002,0.7020000000000001,0.062,-0.9949,0,0,1,0,0,0,61.0,0,1,7,1,12,16,3,2,12,0,25,4,2,0,5,41,40,23,0,7,9,0,3,1,0,2,1,1,0,2,12,10,1,0,6,1,1,1,10,11,0,0,1,8,44,5,18,34,6,28,0,4,4,0,16,9,0,7,19,154,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632587022060076,0.0,0.06580907297854248,0.0,0.0,0.0837844382142117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474618443692493,0.0,0.0,0.21207615564157198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370751359408639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139587106719593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219921911413542,0.0,0.0,0.1572460181972312,0.10586940482769598,0.0,0.0,0.10496577751429824,0.12432730739484275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16917329708825074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517716862028378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04917245587159805,0.0,0.053489086185908516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018972021363247,0.0,0.09292144528122598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630849079299568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20150924215539384,0.212494172531689,0.0,0.09823411098229537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965673493959816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045981006580358884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32006098423626395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837423354583184,0.0,0.2177674183358997,0.0,0.10009492044838854,0.0,0.09221506696605157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957474597392586,0.08217968160442826,0.0,0.10331264001457943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005763899688506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058803026886827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952719810873863,0.0,0.18845586850264984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818497229379207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189814634101539,0.0,0.18616902627770096,0.0,0.06661677868191905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870453372532767,0.09782401336828783,0.0,0.07564799936095394,0.0,0.08665065495246661,0.0,0.0,0.06252741712998898,0.06030662830634731,0.0,0.0,0.054880611611207136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797953048443724,0.0,0.0,0.20731403405140764,0.0,0.1665386394091216,0.0,0.1509905991079822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thatgaykylerubio,2020/03/17,"Friend Holding Diagnosis Against Me, not sure what to do So, I’m having some issues with a close friend of mine. He knows about my BPD diagnosis, and is holding it against me, even though he doesn’t think it’s an accurate diagnosis. I disagree and think it’s right, but anyway. For a while he’s been making comments like “I know there’s a chance you’ll turn on me, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take.” and those comments really hurt me. I’m aware of splitting causing that behavior in others, but I’m more likely to quietly implode instead of acting out and accusing someone of being terrible. I’ve explained this to him, but it hasn’t done any good. I tried to have a couple of different conversations with him about his behavior, but I feel like I didn’t get anywhere. All he does is apologize and then refuse to change what he’s doing. He downplays it, acts like it was a one time thing when it wasn’t. The second time we talked he said, “Holding grudges is exactly what someone with BPD would do,” and he said that because I was still upset. I tried to explain that I was upset because he’s still holding my diagnosis against me, but he’s not really listening. It feels like he’s watching me for signs of BPD and it’s honestly kinda creepy. When I asked him why he’s still doing it even though he thinks the diagnosis is wrong, he said that “a professional thought it was accurate, so I have to consider that it might be accurate until we get a second opinion.” I don’t understand. I don’t view that as an excuse for treating me like I might be a bad person, especially since up until now we’ve been close friends. To be fair to him, he has some past trauma related to an ex partner who had BPD, so I recognize that he can’t turn his reactions off. But I feel like everything I do is being analyzed and anything that I say could be held against me later. What happens if we have a conflict about something else? Will we be able to resolve it like adults? I really don’t wanna lose him as a friend, but his behavior hurts me and I’m not willing to accept it. Anybody have any ideas on what I should do here? I don’t wanna just cut him off, especially since we’re so close, but I don’t want to deal with his shit either. I’m not a bad person, and I don’t deserve to be treated like I might secretly be one. TLDR: friend holding my BPD against me, refuses to stop, is creepily watching me for signs of the disorder. Not sure what to do.",3.361763955342901,4.7464225272727285,4.7945055821371625,83.88965311004787,73.22222222222223,8.200425305688464,28.58187134502924,8.766177420268882,2.1641313131313127,1921,77,394,37,38,642,202,495,0.14300000000000002,0.735,0.122,-0.9284,1,0,1,0,0,0,51.0,4,1,0,2,22,35,2,3,18,0,57,1,1,2,4,86,89,34,0,7,17,1,3,9,6,9,0,6,0,4,34,22,0,10,16,0,0,2,16,13,0,4,15,12,53,22,53,55,5,28,0,3,3,0,60,11,1,8,24,269,87,1,0.07400829554780566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006563576502002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609025213203884,0.0,0.06918776595166601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358767090769505,0.09022954009155618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4660542872962777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602690605085614,0.07829096353978741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059089601885105085,0.08188877136336832,0.0,0.0,0.0762993030164353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732291698470553,0.08481991847581816,0.0,0.06476515816698745,0.07573618147679345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06182443439312706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977635624409336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651388395592275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226245378832626,0.1586146233807271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858931277735995,0.0,0.07733255968795218,0.0,0.0,0.06207464700569997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654452913367751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845482211980444,0.08354635735277749,0.0,0.07724543259307819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134604749787484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254104341112857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827963521291463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049401111961993455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23553331842676736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029987282587267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064929231357403,0.0,0.12924237807862046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223482765591594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320268002336926,0.2111965103853419,0.0588543670950909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596845185203813,0.1224408537155376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541397730331824,0.056975201630882086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17730936127467078,0.06187424895007294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950388540321113,0.0,0.05564502780592655,0.05948506457691615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04916782303862192,0.1422645823891057,0.14542554923015702,0.058754319858124536,0.08630966458574546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004935492897036,0.16099954707792,0.0,0.07704524570799143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04365201020291475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678097547789827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05257336975542773,0.08091645316465282,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ahumbletoothbrush,2020/03/17,"My boyfriend is moving back to his hometown for a while and it makes me feel like he's going to abandon me TW: Self harm, suicidal thoughts. My boyfriend got kicked out of his apartment and lost his job a couple weeks ago, and has since stayed with me in my tiny student apartment. We had a fight this morning, and when I came home today he told me he was going to move back home for a while. I freaked out. At first, I started to panic. My heart was beating really fast, I just wanted to run away from everything. It felt like I was going to just fall apart and die. Then I started crying. A lot. He told me he loved me and that this isn't the end for us, and part of me thinks it's true, but a bigger part of me is convinced that he's lying, he doesn't love me, he doesn't want to be around me and as he moves away he's going to hate me and think that I'm crazy. I just want to cut myself or vomit to make the pain go away. I feel like I'm dying. I want to fucking die. I know I won't try to commit suicide, but I feel like I'm dying. I'm just waiting for the moment when I'm going to sink into the ground and disappear. I feel like I'm actually going insane.",1.9083690451425002,2.8007302924901194,3.548612440191388,93.33765550239237,76.11462450592884,6.11682962346578,21.6161847306012,6.05967700443912,0.05736837944664019,896,21,213,5,19,299,124,253,0.248,0.6759999999999999,0.076,-0.9926,1,0,0,0,1,3,27.0,2,0,0,3,9,19,4,1,10,0,12,6,1,2,2,44,52,19,6,4,7,0,5,5,0,1,2,0,2,1,8,17,0,2,9,0,0,14,4,10,0,1,11,5,34,9,32,39,3,45,0,2,0,3,21,14,1,2,21,124,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.08570151026256717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784881940751795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818011426850263,0.0,0.0,0.24753471039950115,0.13505924716947754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044486264668724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097173266853501,0.09646823821843672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645810860349478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778414040354935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892866491342879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776215745330181,0.2509599442923994,0.08432280056740969,0.0,0.0,0.07470126704510507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118993550307653,0.0,0.0,0.3493784850127398,0.0,0.0702391996570616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670594880050674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104069379596631,0.0,0.0,0.1761850614092442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714968900553619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048264621934018835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21452673224605268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586798295607234,0.07466304260615123,0.15852539508996816,0.0,0.11724360631181448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800223578330208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093448698219157,0.1030400825633147,0.0,0.19020512863316372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05626096078683647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161739956712378,0.0,0.0,0.0726471868717815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432159194614185,0.093606465047166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921258187511067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254546053251728,0.0,0.06972078231623681,0.0,0.0,0.083244896654765,0.1678351864175663,0.0,0.05962530832738916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563893780451636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20719853848177733,0.0,0.07044543439887516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,the_biggestbean,2020/03/17,"Ended a stable and happy two year relationship to be with someone else. Just another example of my impulsivity. I was diagnosed with BPD after I was sexually assaulted 3 years ago. I met my ex-boyfriend about a year after the assault and he saved me from one of the lowest places in my life. I was drinking and having sex with strangers as a lifestyle and honestly was hoping one day I would just be completely forgotten about as a person because I didn’t see myself as a person. He changed me. He motivated me to change my major in college, switch schools to be with him, and with this I began focusing on my physical and mental health and I have been great for two years! However, a month ago I met someone who shares all the interests I do. He shared more in common with me than my boyfriend at the time did and I fell head over heels. I normally would cut off all contact to respect my boyfriend, but I couldn’t. This guy made me feel really special and then I began questioning everything. Was I happy? Did I want a long term relationship? Could I see us together forever? I had always known me and him would get married and have kids and move to grad school together, but when the new guy came into my life, everything fell apart. It is 100% my fault that I let things get to the way they are. I pursued, I pushed my boyfriend away, I caused problems. I eventually ended things for no good reason other than I want to ruin my own life and happiness. I do this all the time, and I know it is an episode. I immediately jumped into something with the new guy. I have spent everyday with him since ending my relationship. Now...4 days later...I miss my ex so much. I miss everything about our relationship. I hate myself for hurting him. I want to rewind time and change everything, but I can’t. I am stuck in this with someone new who I am not sure I feel the same way about. I am so lost. I have a constant need for love and attention, and I am getting it but I also am slipping deeper into dissociation where I can’t recognize myself or my life anymore. I did a terrible job of explaining this but I needed somewhere to vent and I have been crying the entire time I have written this. If there is someone out there who can reassure me I will be okay I would love to hear it. The biggest thing I am feeling is pain...pain for hurting my ex. I wish I could give him all the happiness and love in the world.",3.31802612481858,5.040652849056606,4.715429769392035,83.03963715529757,73.96855345911948,8.162747943880017,27.32510885341074,8.841846274778883,2.118475181422352,1887,72,378,39,39,628,221,477,0.11900000000000001,0.727,0.154,0.9497,3,1,2,0,0,1,54.0,2,0,1,2,14,33,4,0,23,1,48,13,2,4,5,78,83,34,0,17,10,2,3,0,0,5,6,1,0,6,18,33,1,0,10,1,1,6,6,13,0,4,22,6,82,20,53,48,10,57,0,6,2,4,40,19,0,4,30,274,100,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915653269879152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0537484050397795,0.0559247203865161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047632181614301,0.0,0.0,0.06665499469048301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631467033118031,0.0,0.0,0.04097104369141026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464957506381783,0.0,0.0,0.07687118219309685,0.0,0.06904394472966767,0.21330015544198136,0.0,0.07046918286585495,0.07263093362276699,0.0,0.10732461489158077,0.0,0.07382784266449582,0.08669073506640046,0.0,0.0,0.06821748701592792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584093847086674,0.0,0.0,0.056145949544844885,0.0,0.17858630111507867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416187198009248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101951309834879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534451395392352,0.06447466676997167,0.0,0.05637318049097328,0.0,0.07410007887522384,0.0,0.19964760039445345,0.0,0.2861883329329752,0.0,0.0663566917395641,0.06897761023754824,0.07144187442765237,0.07575138947498777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675543068489351,0.0,0.0,0.14390097596857165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669628933817105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03693726536539064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687275360130101,0.18989173520206848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059479390503747974,0.0,0.0,0.07336846295686575,0.0,0.1819809526405208,0.06359642791979668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773261847122355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053646971983461265,0.07143438074690703,0.04940762776724897,0.09967182518106403,0.0,0.19473765649814653,0.0,0.0,0.06585225567564279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108747462575806,0.0,0.14303393358763208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173716526465251,0.07022091893437736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431160182262721,0.0,0.0,0.07529141146298239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043056921509426964,0.06910383535280698,0.0,0.2886367302941295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604171555811204,0.1071165170371662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055597419227700534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277897698866201,0.05174211179569626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334532768511061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395548889307188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676449354148775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131025508490626,0.0,0.08084624559864463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892790867115642,0.1066975150997319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728903483160206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19097832723683533,0.0,0.0,0.17312605363070144 bpd,KissinHomiesGN,2020/03/17,"I started talking to a girl with BPD what advice or tips could you give me :)) I myself am a schizo and im nervous that we will end up feeding eachother. What advice could you give to try and make the relationship work out, ive been researching it as much as I can but I need advice from people who experience it. Thank you.",2.125,4.0488721060606085,3.7181818181818183,87.99727272727274,77.93939393939394,6.218181818181819,23.12121212121212,7.1686216300943375,0.7899575757575765,253,8,53,3,6,84,49,66,0.025,0.922,0.053,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,3,0,1,0,2,0,1,3,0,7,1,0,1,0,11,13,6,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,11,1,8,9,1,4,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,1,2,39,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5808333035731204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495387764280377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163826051160277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17548505917274687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938099172063995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801301883501401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21401523745125994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322538314655989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564891755163867,0.1469114598701816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373589330611076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21271830501064454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402379829997021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925001265818226,0.0,0.1824121987969264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451779123277052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424156462678828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lostlittlegurl,2020/03/17,"Discovered my ""real"" sexuality during remission; now I'm emptier and more alone than ever. Hi everyone; it's been a while since I posted here-- mainly because my BPD went into remission and I began the tedious process of disconnecting it from my identity and understanding of myself. But I'm back, because I've discovered that some aspects of recovery are making me feel emptier than ever. I've identified as a queer woman ever since I could understand what sexuality was; it was a huge part of my life, of who I thought I was, and who I assumed I'd grow up to be. I felt that I was attracted to all genders and that was what I accepted about myself. When I was diagnosed with BPD, I was forced to reevaluate whether or not I was actually experiencing attraction to genders other than men, or if these people I'd used as examples were actually just FPs. It was at this point, that I probably should've accepted that my BPD had lied to me for years and that I was actually straight. But I wasn't ready to accept the massive loss of identity that came with that revelation, being someone that already struggles to figure out who they are and where they belong. For a while I called myself heterosexual and biromantic, heterosexual and panromantic, heteroflexible, pretty much any label besides straight because I didn't want to lose my community. I'd already come out to my family and friends as queer years ago, and didn't want to hear ""I told you so"" from my homophobic mother who thinks being LGBT is a phase or a choice. A week or so ago, after pursuing a same-sex ""crush"" went horribly wrong and resulted in me breaking her heart, I was forced to reckon with several unavoidable facts: 1. I am straight, and have been straight all along. 2. The ""internalized homophobia"" I was raised with is just homophobia. 3. I no longer belong in this community. 4. I'm basically the primary example of a fake bisexual, and if anyone finds out about this there's a possibility they'll be disgusted with me. I feel like I should be grateful for having been born into a category of privilege.. But I just feel lost. I've lost a huge part of myself. Who am I? Note: I know this post probably comes across as hetero-whining, but I haven't been able to find anyone struggling with the same issue, most people are relieved to realize they're straight. I just need support. It's a big shock to me.",7.047712820512822,7.237348253333337,8.099555555555558,67.81969230769235,64.24444444444444,11.9008547008547,35.97435897435898,11.51311941424646,4.3845128205128185,1894,84,339,56,26,646,218,450,0.09300000000000001,0.8240000000000001,0.083,-0.2711,0,2,0,0,0,0,60.0,0,1,3,4,17,20,1,2,18,0,39,5,1,3,6,81,67,34,0,7,16,1,4,1,1,2,2,1,0,2,27,29,0,0,18,0,0,6,6,10,0,0,30,6,51,10,55,29,10,45,0,4,0,2,18,20,2,9,17,243,78,0,0.091041618006566,0.0,0.2665304587893742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16140580245184394,0.0,0.0,0.09429165953940154,0.20093337872698247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06191142219457262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731683226649268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000538458334757,0.0,0.16649437595716562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439911924490318,0.0,0.0929636710478204,0.10412735723573577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684858507375615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726893238543622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240532586566078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24705706715380746,0.0,0.0869941675081011,0.0,0.0,0.08582593496008276,0.0,0.1381001326759998,0.06504015009486616,0.08741423051853768,0.0,0.16642077900005042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033852823337487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261052019665363,0.10788475568608072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502379584391712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050034092312406166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430538721855107,0.04447833586825358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185228300535236,0.1987653613276279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06077098696913252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669260646176532,0.06750620616771565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971784007204048,0.0,0.12623358943399388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606375626773054,0.10263574504793302,0.17438540764527755,0.09262205556516176,0.1963165249567223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362529283820568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285111438113524,0.0,0.1506211344263057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713926749574612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19035293278997528,0.0,0.0,0.10331294922186647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058335792719192564,0.0,0.0722768752497985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869941675081011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895550701998824,0.0,0.07863072695409062,0.0,0.0,0.107397410214518,0.0,0.07302809441912446,0.0,0.0,0.1687929839980538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099539717337551,0.0,0.11725563415906505 bpd,rochinaski,2020/03/17,"I've started DBT This week i have started DBT, i'm really nervous about it and want to know what are your experiences with it and if it has helped you or not and what are your recomendations to make this journey a good and rewarding one",9.21375,6.240802875000004,9.011666666666667,73.20000000000003,61.91666666666666,12.933333333333335,38.583333333333336,11.20814326018867,3.916758333333333,190,7,40,4,2,62,34,48,0.048,0.8,0.152,0.6378,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,3,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,11,10,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,4,2,4,10,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3772870390061015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235055135121448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585255032940635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21196975043262734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574566729613164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26135921369603016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24708826753866905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5459986168385664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22749490585479454,0.0,0.3093839866613087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dumbtrannyfuckup,2020/03/17,"I literally can not deal with people not responding to my texts I literally can not. At all. If someone doesn't message me back right away then I'm sure they dont love me and I'm left alone to my thoughts of self harm and overdosing. I'm actually planning a suicide but I put the date a long way away so I may be able to see my friends again, I go back to school April 3rd and I made the date the 14th but with this quarantine and my being trans with unaccepting emotionally abusive parents I'm not even sure if I'll make it to the 3rd. I can't stand my parents, thank God for the internet.",1.3748933333333326,3.325940456000001,3.2933000000000017,90.00448333333334,80.44,7.046666666666668,24.816666666666666,8.07648339933343,1.3284266666666666,467,18,107,9,12,157,78,125,0.114,0.7709999999999999,0.115,0.0428,2,2,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,1,5,6,0,0,7,0,8,1,0,2,3,23,19,10,1,2,8,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,7,1,0,0,2,1,15,5,13,14,1,17,0,0,1,1,9,5,0,3,8,64,17,1,0.16444983376329822,0.1948461619736904,0.16047931557926648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032043230384786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090120643562308,0.25290354256307235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695405576419917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19273398041213224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18498392864121524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861756423733801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270535336300737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346063027558864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786752255575431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455329279460427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842239552155614,0.15560640893746644,0.10977154101088853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652041581368242,0.0,0.0,0.1140088085663612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531750428097966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043925949523067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16643201132606755,0.1310452261175966,0.0,0.17155704179120015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933781048776125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988142684896616,0.0,0.30998404427613496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15140331239727894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055479878337384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053262353161316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Both-Button,2020/03/17,"How can I be a better parent with BPD? I feel like I am taking my wife’s lack of affection for me out on my son by not paying as much attention to him as I should be. This is unfair to him of course as he’s not doing anything wrong. I noticed that when she’s paying attention to me, I pay more attention to him. I can’t seem to find any guides on how to be a better parent with BPD. There’s lots of stuff on people who had BPD parents, but I can’t find any resources geared towards being a better parent with BPD.",4.724761904761905,3.6136310000000016,6.229285714285716,83.64904761904764,69.35714285714286,8.895238095238097,26.702380952380967,7.793537801064563,1.3516916666666663,400,9,90,4,6,138,65,112,0.047,0.8240000000000001,0.129,0.8214,4,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,3,0,12,0,0,3,0,20,15,7,0,2,3,6,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,7,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,16,4,22,9,4,6,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,2,2,68,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16746356084335734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132447987134616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266921520952866,0.0,0.0,0.6203054616236059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225760166996128,0.08796321217143299,0.0,0.0,0.2250749155954376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015449363669705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467967032185113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905138074431711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018291162311178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5468796755549615,0.0,0.0,0.08536198021028578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209180052725004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409529741859274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257750545665168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346219721645229,0.0,0.0 bpd,AsunaYuki0219,2020/03/17,Fp in county jail. The only person I know in the town I live in is also my fp is in jail and I can't visit her because of covid panic. I haven't felt this alone in awhile and I'm self destructing and I'm worried ill end my life before she gets out.,-1.4106766917293214,0.4746395614035137,1.8699248120300784,96.15947368421057,91.98245614035088,3.95889724310777,13.406015037593985,5.288315135182226,-1.187724812030075,193,3,47,1,7,69,39,57,0.242,0.758,0.0,-0.9194,0,1,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,6,9,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,8,0,7,8,0,9,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,1,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30940593685855816,0.0,0.23890334498028665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18210995057373588,0.0,0.2542068805275042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645961597835476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868385392777633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608002222136294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164180429980858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21100984620059676,0.0,0.0,0.2637940800749645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272062540226259,0.0,0.3505085999354782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26084941871639017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116523750092074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033863362289326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lenxbby,2020/03/17,"I feel like I will never be able to have a “normal” job.. I’m going to start off by saying that I have struggled with this since before even being diagnosed. Since being in therapy it has made a lot of sense as to why it’s such an obstacle. My bf has been so supportive and understanding of what I’m going through and dealing with so he has always worked full time. He doesn’t push me to work or get a job and I think I’ve grown too comfortable with that. I have had a few jobs but never lasted more than a few months,I somehow always found an excuse to quit .The urge to want to apply and go work comes and goes but honestly I’m not sure if/how I’ll ever be able to keep a steady job. I started online work but I still feel like I’m not contributing enough to our relationship financially. I want to keep pushing myself but each time I have I hated my life 20x worse. I hate to sound like I have no work ethic because truthfully I am very dedicated when I do have a job.",3.4218188153310085,4.063119868292688,4.97144599303136,85.50030487804878,72.26829268292683,8.198606271777004,23.91114982578397,8.418075326091056,1.2282613240418103,763,19,168,12,14,258,122,205,0.114,0.748,0.139,0.3137,5,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,6,11,11,2,1,10,0,19,2,0,1,5,35,43,14,0,3,7,0,2,3,1,1,2,2,0,0,6,10,0,2,5,0,0,7,6,3,0,0,4,4,19,8,22,34,7,20,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,3,13,107,25,10,0.2070379497241015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227215963480338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310420624751943,0.0,0.08808702307483733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917243064719797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067235175798417,0.0,0.10506958042767936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696277339875324,0.0,0.06837330658568046,0.09363883933588292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468460817485076,0.14790795265103654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350321277399494,0.0,0.0,0.054084391777297985,0.0,0.1764966570294459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20440711215342672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5136330465536287,0.18402484253395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438178100609554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731185133648606,0.1517224265166132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800813055414276,0.0,0.09795215699857154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596804303119679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142661620532194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010517216827444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111406381069874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232244375771554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126393148291574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654252643319815,0.0,0.0826703870457449,0.0,0.0,0.10822050890496003,0.0,0.0,0.1174721059181022,0.09756540871073743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838296952287215,0.0,0.0,0.06633077917859907,0.0,0.0,0.1207254934392112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077669036241244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541399564527312,0.12211634691558565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340977346646584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768152330230655,0.0,0.10549467925787133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lady_Larkin,2020/03/17,"Just diagnosed with BPD and I feel so lost. I ended a relationship last night because I'd been fucking it up slowly over time anyway because of BPD & the diagnosis itself sealed it for me & I felt like I had to let them go.. I have major regrets about what I did but I know in the long term it's what is best for them. I fell for them so hard but kept treating them unfairly. I was so needy. So volatile. It makes sense now. They were so patient with me. I feel one step removed from reality today. I feel so empty. Where do I even go from here learning more about BPD so I don't keep doing this to others? I've been previously diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and General & Social Anxiety. I feel utterly lost and hopeless with this new diagnosis. Sorry if this post is all over the place. I feel all over the place. Thank you for reading.",1.5519298245614015,3.984118228070177,3.3773099415204686,86.87894736842108,83.09356725146198,6.64093567251462,23.035087719298247,7.85451343220497,1.320501754385965,671,24,136,13,19,224,103,171,0.17800000000000002,0.762,0.06,-0.9601,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,1,5,3,15,10,1,0,5,0,13,3,0,1,2,26,29,13,0,2,4,0,7,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,11,7,0,2,8,1,0,5,1,6,0,1,10,7,23,4,20,18,7,23,0,5,0,1,8,8,1,1,10,96,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3918877639884733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922298669149044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469873777404527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652274706480499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4555321738636645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384017444590253,0.24473649263215744,0.0,0.0,0.1381748968715647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678245632445572,0.0,0.0,0.07963029439791308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047997304857339,0.0,0.11575876164512255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145794884232008,0.0,0.0,0.13703672248067764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800018375579824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716135520771376,0.0,0.0,0.06625791397767458,0.09827440559592394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232831700993844,0.0,0.05890067383311221,0.0,0.0,0.10669388490070664,0.0,0.0,0.2632160913474165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047630407278843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164398678392496,0.0,0.11313959732523413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169616779281118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519239884253423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546540373490045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059497478391425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943884351915824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289813192902956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349596790087599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099761280478153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030087518036655,0.0,0.1142790097718385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bosnjakpride,2020/03/17,"From someone who has loved ones with BPD. You guys are wonderful people! Peace be upon to you all! - Assalamu Aleykum Remember, it's not your fault nor are you guys evil or bad, because IT IS difficult to regulate emotions, so whenever someone says stop crying, or get angry when you guys get angry, and don't undertsand that you react like that because you've felt attacked or hurt, then remember! You guys are lovely people, and deserve not to be judged, but rather understood and acknowledged as individuals who have great potential and don't wish to hurt others. I really feel for you guys, and i support you all and i hope you all will get to the point, that you can regulate your emotions in such fashion, that it won't hinder your guys lives. Much support !! :-)",5.803591549295772,7.249877387323946,6.069126760563383,76.84171830985915,67.38028169014083,9.623661971830987,31.805633802816896,9.888512548439397,3.2264230985915496,607,25,107,14,10,194,86,142,0.151,0.6559999999999999,0.193,0.8809,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,13,0,0,4,14,2,0,1,0,13,2,0,1,3,28,26,15,0,3,7,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,6,10,7,0,1,7,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,2,3,16,7,11,20,4,6,0,2,0,2,24,3,0,5,4,74,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522373581564825,0.0,0.0,0.09190621608350066,0.13419875215486593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863287727749107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090983615750894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476342388023353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565613063803605,0.0,0.10568717942025486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252553322117706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135568469442,0.0,0.6539364494946003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932715755239034,0.0,0.0,0.2356704841875722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05377602520021715,0.0,0.09719632634123224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19869005489383168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091619587771222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458819894718424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262128301345687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405440391447243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051547407134423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24938212006126145,0.0,0.0,0.08753433315753678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18652870489870754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920258153947563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24981868824050454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657832331263644,0.0,0.1193692897537987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,barriercats,2020/03/17,"I've been better. Basically ""BPD free"" and yet I still have my past being used against me. I have been better since last year. Basically 10 months free of the threatening, the extreme moods, etc. I do know how to control myself and it takes time to get with where I am at. Before I start, I know I am in a toxic relationship. She name calls me when she gets mad. I threathen and have this extreme mood swings where I love her and go from absolutely hating her when she name calls me. She blocks me and calls me a POS, and I would chase after her to get some form of 'justice' or explanation. But, right now, I feel so sad. My other half basically said ""you're a threat"" and refused to share an information with me because of my past. It was a normal convo and she wanted to share it with me but just stopped and said that. Basically she was being a horrible person to me, called me names like ""you're a POS. You're disgusting, I can't believe I'm w a degenerate like you"" and I screenshotted it and said I'll send it to her work to show what a ""nice"" person she is. She got mad and said to not do it and I didn't of course. I did it to get it to talk to me and not just block and ignore me. I'm not that fucking person anymore. It hurts. I know what I did is wrong but having someone who doesn't trust you hurts.",1.6743917274939155,3.3244313722627763,3.418704379562044,90.88649939172753,78.34306569343065,6.4644768856447685,20.905717761557177,7.333567415737692,0.4139031630170322,1012,26,232,13,24,338,134,274,0.174,0.743,0.083,-0.9817,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,2,0,4,11,24,6,0,11,0,22,2,0,3,0,47,45,23,0,3,9,0,1,2,0,1,0,4,0,3,16,18,0,6,5,1,2,2,6,11,0,1,12,5,46,13,24,30,3,21,0,3,0,2,37,5,1,2,16,156,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992639231305656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756881525849699,0.0,0.09431916099964588,0.12488201373837035,0.0,0.19606311046788089,0.0,0.0,0.13960277756840575,0.0,0.4527320574286236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431976000603395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361915586355307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056045510836709764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247249349146106,0.2316434034228629,0.0,0.06299458584312527,0.0,0.08865120886111484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943443567330098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373192768525041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18274911020766224,0.090351773851968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830450369304724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004006294580997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847376128444161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086025274732185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116242186599004,0.0,0.29035128714283504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900381433381392,0.0,0.0946592480912042,0.4217479989808599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169040888829744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391684646339302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845518932002576,0.0,0.08851929913724188,0.09266964438305883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334008130945651,0.08909134048470113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646333980589892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957326942605404,0.0,0.0,0.06537802608923622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069496593255654,0.0,0.0,0.07873963016804916,0.1211893326666064,0.0,0.07137920638727849 bpd,not_a_femme,2020/03/17,"Being sad or slightly annoyed more than being angry, yet being told I'm very angry all the time So when I'm reading about BPD they always talk about extreme anger but I honestly don't get angry that often unless I'm being provoked pretty hard....which is probably a normal thing? Like no one can take shit without ever getting angry. Anyway, I usually feel extremely sad or let down over smaller things. Every time I open up about being sad I get told I'm being angry, even when I'm in tears saying the words ""I just feel so sad."" Same goes for when I let my mom know something is just annoying me or doesn't sit well with me, then I basically get told I'm so angry over nothing while I'm not. It feels like just any reaction is being put off as angry even when I'm vocal about what my freaking issue is. Does anyone else have this? I sometimes feel like I'm tripping balls.",4.359237288135596,5.181170757062152,5.5625,81.4535805084746,70.24293785310735,7.481920903954803,26.049435028248592,7.492282038375204,1.4018214689265531,692,20,131,7,12,231,106,177,0.32899999999999996,0.617,0.054000000000000006,-0.9957,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,21,14,4,0,3,0,17,1,1,1,2,24,39,15,0,1,10,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,5,2,0,2,5,9,1,1,3,5,13,5,16,27,3,21,0,4,0,0,7,7,1,4,14,84,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178830378192386,0.0,0.0,0.09136125139270536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393924987432792,0.1376554091469078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920661108081994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756884582184556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223052025052226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774711824215272,0.1215254634255098,0.1131939898375153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717215551195233,0.1919564853400272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807651534956308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034942516416244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022441405240849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383415085496603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747598779540041,0.0,0.1969069493518239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734676144859192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163252156319402,0.12891053559890042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103768614145463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668022156563678,0.14484987384674985,0.0,0.0,0.13505685367613798,0.0,0.0,0.1343843629539339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683892708335987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790629801424936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342765903448607,0.13287361367378284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101298105378492,0.10798383859287483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850969162521266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667880594768746,0.0,0.0,0.3851258326336826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479653485892443,0.1108511754036514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079499236831916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950668402247667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,peachiedoll,2020/03/17,"DAE wake up in the middle of the night feeling empty? Idk what else to do other than write about it rn, so. Anyway else feel unbearably empty especially at night? I'm so tired of getting trapped in this inescapable feeling. Nothing fills this hole in my soul, absolutely nothing, and I can tell myself that it's not there, but it always is. Everything could be completely fine, you could even be happy or at least, not drowning. But there's nothing you can do to stop this empty space from demanding everything out of you, and then you start giving into impulses and unhealthy coping mechanisms to somehow get some relief. You try to fill the emptiness with something... anything... food, people, money, things you buy that you certainly don't need. Sure it might work for a while... but not forever. At the end of the day you'll always have this monster in your closet, nothing can feed its insatiable hunger.",7.298915662650603,7.919797927710848,6.806891566265062,75.82696385542171,63.6987951807229,9.531566265060242,33.46746987951808,9.3871,3.0837730120481934,720,28,122,12,10,224,111,166,0.156,0.736,0.10800000000000001,-0.7298,0,1,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,9,0,1,8,5,0,0,6,0,14,5,1,0,2,26,23,11,1,3,7,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,14,6,3,1,3,0,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,3,12,5,23,17,2,22,1,0,0,0,12,12,0,4,8,89,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395259493884448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184437925146374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509099894636357,0.0,0.0,0.2298360197152928,0.0,0.0,0.09282424872422004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404734753450321,0.0,0.12748105258497205,0.0,0.0,0.09506574485093824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25871364599746405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21832906906659064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404317557448326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039708464810742,0.1380727133085908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321831668512698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268913280434146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672377254982963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701409098932197,0.0,0.5524266382238892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978434318639792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080590448705567,0.0,0.0,0.10187582788798397,0.0,0.0,0.12033361748831327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356542299025652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580293363779474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562204165155576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542868912227993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977203968166784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478422819474957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fml1312312,2020/03/17,"Desperately trying to find myself Holy fuck I cannot deal with myself right now For the last year or so I've been working hard af to try to get to know myself, be comfortable with who I am, and build my self esteem. Thought I was doing alright and then a guy comes along and all my focus goes out the window. I can't think about my goals and what I want out of MY life, instead I'm just sitting here binge eating, spiraling into fantasies about shit that is never going to happen rather than thinking about my terrible social life/lack of life direction. I thought about dropping everything to just be the type of person he would want. we're not even dating and I don't even know if he's interested in me at all, I'm just deluding myself into thinking he is. Why do I do this and how do I stop? I can't do this anymore. I need to commit to myself and building MY life, not getting carried away by fantasies :(",6.099891891891893,5.4200620432432425,6.677972972972974,80.13533783783784,66.4054054054054,9.12972972972973,30.932432432432428,8.238735603445708,2.1221459459459457,718,23,144,8,10,236,113,185,0.105,0.825,0.07,-0.8176,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,15,6,2,0,4,1,17,6,1,1,4,41,35,12,0,6,8,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,5,15,1,1,8,2,0,2,7,3,0,0,4,1,23,3,28,28,2,19,0,0,0,1,9,8,2,2,7,103,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483106512857706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668175098543193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448527237855093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095491876527734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975177401867793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20623420698214068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031237987301873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269267257175414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443322661629787,0.16313459455591806,0.0,0.0887277260555215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458531783941115,0.1380581621880808,0.0,0.13985463961430644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716011280480049,0.12726026104738214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44109432094288137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576247907418173,0.12041090507553645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631970176840744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332732838618386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628692869078706,0.0,0.16025698156030088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591467102414365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305249762409536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30011000620388656,0.0,0.24788684577725464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119931693068608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18416959207707995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087581482619524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365866979669792,0.0,0.0,0.11090458396951557,0.0,0.0,0.10053744437915284 bpd,BingerofAll,2020/03/17,"BPD versus Codependency? I know there can be a degree of overlap between codependency and BPD, and that codependent individuals often enter into relationships with pwBPD—but what exactly are the differences between the two? Is it the emotional dysregulation/lability or the intense anger?",11.190000000000005,13.585916,11.762222222222226,37.450000000000024,55.66666666666666,14.888888888888893,46.111111111111114,13.5591,8.078777777777779,240,14,26,10,3,82,38,45,0.094,0.8420000000000001,0.064,-0.5171,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,5,0,4,0,0,0,1,9,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,24,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7556875541240718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134396979421236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374634428587613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487402151139002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220913758012057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930597271802931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yinthemoonmoth,2020/03/17,"My grasp on bpd So growing up I had an ok childhood. It wasn’t so bad but I only remember the bad memories. Everyone in my family makes me feel bad for having emotions and feelings. I was always taught to just shut up. So growing up I didn’t know who to be or how to act. Some crazy shit happened to me when I was 9 that I clearly needed therapy for. But never got it bc my family doesn’t believe in mental illness unless ur an adult. As I got older these thoughts got more intense. I started smoking lots of pot which made it worse cause I slipped into psychosis and the thoughts got more real and just kept coming. It felt like my brain never rest in till I was actually sleeping. I have always been emotional but I would be crying then an hour walk out my room like everything is fine. I see myself as a quiet borderline. I could wake up in the worst mode but minutes later being the happiest person on earth. It’s actually tiring having to wake up and seeing what emotion you are today or starting out with. Another thing is any little thing can ruin my day. I can tell when people are being distant or not truthful and it ruins my whole day. Relationships are just a big no no for me. I either want you so bad or I’m bored. But once I get you, something about you will throw me off and I will ghost you so I won’t feel bad about ending things. I’ll either fantasize about you or wish I never met you. I was doing ok for awhile but I just slipped back into my old ways of just deep thinking and worrying but I’ll wake up the next morning and clean my whole house.",1.8391015978293623,3.927079498442368,3.593558436338057,87.74166113958398,79.56074766355141,6.135704954275953,22.81589789970857,7.233258080335977,0.9004723344387497,1233,40,249,16,31,412,178,321,0.213,0.6829999999999999,0.10400000000000001,-0.9941,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,7,0,0,17,16,1,0,10,2,29,8,6,4,5,63,57,33,1,5,21,0,4,2,0,4,2,1,2,2,14,14,0,1,10,0,0,6,10,10,0,0,19,7,43,6,36,29,10,49,0,2,2,0,14,22,1,7,22,183,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.1794870280986089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530426869437294,0.0,0.0,0.06253861505474459,0.09643218224524254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071457322460152,0.3839301340144123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361183879103736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582533025534045,0.10266214224707416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447227224018806,0.0,0.07921876881604648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734257021076174,0.0,0.10101804116804827,0.11861823301031454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103410755271177,0.0814527314131593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787546079460015,0.08265123597996857,0.0,0.1733907869637887,0.0,0.1394991542803005,0.0,0.08829977924791994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04804734936197328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294207772158184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132338537978179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056593050905032,0.10611400937288157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050540962036136686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985784614665808,0.09217200155282168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818443096930594,0.0,0.08701847896244101,0.061386626665033174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267799510598763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819007691441932,0.2127847194730711,0.0,0.09780466578079723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965006576823667,0.09793856696638416,0.0,0.06994270060243603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375619858788573,0.0802993424370401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467506752432247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873482703526572,0.10417718719801253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656666560083745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439963610028486,0.0,0.0,0.09203032917669564,0.0,0.0,0.07079831389971032,0.0,0.0,0.1301850632418046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038051425529846,0.0,0.10516875032254344,0.0,0.18329021414293525,0.058926762711304224,0.0,0.14601815039562094,0.0,0.10569899063334637,0.08717103735490245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054242699143414515,0.07299667431604732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20534885138189032,0.10575396247102044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339381863853582,0.093719084999674,0.06532852588788081,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,geecalla,2020/03/17,"For those of you who are BORDERPOLAR, how is it having a relationship from the initial dating to the commitment phase? The problems and how you dealt it with your partner. I was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I met a guy. We hit it off during the first weeks but things got spiral after almost 2weeks of self time that I had, the first week of which I just disappeared. Majority of our misunderstandings was due to my weird behavior, being unstable with my interactions with him from normal to irritable to absurd to caring. Being in the mental health field, he told me that it's my personality rather than my bipolar disorder that speaks to my actions. He thought I was a mean person and not stable enough for a commitment cos maybe he wasnt considering that it might be bpd. Even I couldnt understand whats happening with me. From what I've observed, it's a torture for me to wait for long replies, I kept on lying, and a lot of times irritable to the guy I'm dating. Those are symptoms of borderline personality disorder as what I've searched of which I have to consult with my dr. And they say 20% of those diagnosed with bip2 have bdp. I really feel I have it. I told him I have to do my psychotherapy and take my meds. It's hard given that I'm in a long distance now with my psychia. I plan to focus on my treatment soon when I go back. We agreed to reconnect with each other when I'm stable. So how is the dating/relationship experience for you with borderpolar disorder? Is it really possible to be stable? I'd appreciate your reply so much.",5.168345120226308,6.347187145214522,6.588297972654409,73.52663366336634,68.63696369636963,10.25987741631306,30.270155586987272,10.398101306919678,3.248843281471004,1247,48,233,34,21,425,155,303,0.158,0.792,0.05,-0.9857,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,3,5,1,3,14,4,1,0,15,0,22,7,0,4,2,40,41,15,0,4,4,0,2,0,1,1,7,2,0,7,25,18,0,2,4,0,0,3,3,3,0,2,12,4,38,1,47,22,5,27,0,0,0,0,30,5,0,3,19,174,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999560579054424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446533422030236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834807713709935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199603466798594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22298418270058626,0.0,0.0,0.5035753535121998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135010081349184,0.0,0.07255271138176232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745115352177832,0.0,0.0,0.05554179359093253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868710990141162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062428412766886814,0.0,0.08785444312384738,0.0,0.0,0.2175310122055946,0.09713707674106417,0.0,0.09840106984983192,0.0,0.0,0.11676190868866528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19442175106670986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338773878577417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103557776234973,0.11965526229608685,0.12201492393233974,0.0,0.11069964046352207,0.11652999301541403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074996587225823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762644633475517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28774171237968266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123835652928983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510845970649536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074122153079524,0.0,0.10846036726609726,0.2358685002094053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735450719661075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459406796665368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417278403005865,0.08259105010975241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297726852672645,0.0,0.0,0.08720601223331502,0.12810499183537127,0.0,0.0,0.2099264643004796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435429183682032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622479868642651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway8658556,2020/03/17,"Help I [18M] have been in a relationship with my girlfriend [17F] for over 3 years now. Ever since we met, she's had mental issues, even going to the hospital November 2018. Around January, I proposed that she might have borderline personality disorder and a specialist confirmed it. I love this girl, or rather the person she is when she isn't having an episode, but recently moments when she's not in the midst of an episode are few and far between. She tells me nearly everyday that she wants to die and blames me for keeping her alive. With each passing day, I keep having doubts whether I love her or not. In January, when she was finally diagnosed, I started dealing benzodiazepines in order to pay for her therapy. This had some consequences I could have never anticipated, such as being r**** by a guy who later went to prison... Interesting couple of months . (On a side note, her sex drive has completely gone away. That is to say, she no longer experiences physical pleasure from sex and I'm not sure if it isn't because of what happened to me.) I would give anything just to have her back but the idea of her ever returning to being the person she used to be is slowly fleeting, and so I'm having doubts if this whole thing even makes sense anymore. The issue is, I know for a fact that I am the only thing keeping her alive at this point and I couldn't live with myself knowing I killed her. On the other hand, I'm not sure if I won't be the one who dies first. I started getting these episodes of complete indifference whether I live or die. What do I do?",4.0067214912280695,5.711569562500002,4.9151315789473715,82.38425438596494,72.125,8.092982456140351,28.456140350877188,8.72156446121922,2.1839192982456144,1233,48,239,23,24,401,173,304,0.12,0.7859999999999999,0.09300000000000001,-0.764,0,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,1,0,0,1,14,9,1,2,16,0,31,6,1,2,6,50,53,21,4,8,16,0,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,5,18,12,0,3,3,0,1,5,10,3,0,2,7,2,40,6,36,37,4,40,0,0,0,4,36,14,0,10,20,182,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643418971893376,0.0,0.0,0.08831653298218067,0.09553897812267996,0.0,0.0,0.10083217666767427,0.08252368637039012,0.0,0.06542225166296363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22504931290778535,0.0,0.0,0.08568756531993983,0.11874930988385965,0.0,0.06921355395628362,0.1106438578448895,0.0,0.10892916560743277,0.33414863288965085,0.0,0.12299985230837565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176981017499735,0.1941570642194952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498111888411267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175655677272424,0.0,0.09128769872921624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05607110682945637,0.10295265864059844,0.06099333890444154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626525776993327,0.09490413706300492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193540670621931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211530239589196,0.0,0.2240317362048385,0.0,0.2861771094926003,0.11873545015531135,0.0,0.11796229008356406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18953387927999665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937238694915986,0.0,0.07163800183240053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081549311946112,0.11385125844960342,0.0,0.0,0.08566307777006389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277303462580626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272389413842924,0.0816229134280553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28112724642948705,0.0,0.0,0.10145360206742356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596713331578048,0.11522323516276722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534644444940061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877753712894783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192556271185256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20229867711947255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380380940186747,0.0,0.12273160356943305,0.0,0.14259940544033892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269140493770947,0.0,0.0,0.06330106069900264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948819905698446,0.0,0.11982073450500175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623818592934409,0.0,0.0,0.06911159217319432 bpd,PhoenixtheII,2020/03/17,"Going from 0 to 100 and back... Holy flipping moly.. You know that when you're talking to someone for the past half a year... You get a feeling of their pattern and behavior of when to expect they're online... And the moment they aren't... Cue in panic, fears of abandonment... you screwed it up again... you're no good... see? everybody leaves... you're a piece of shit... You cry and cry... You keep telling yourself, but maybe they're just a little bit late... Nope, that voice is not having it. You're going to be alone forever... No one truly likes you... Maybe I'm just better off not in this world anymore... &#x200B; 2 hours of this shit later Them> Hi! T\_T... almost instantly... it all goes away... Calming... &#x200B; whew... This shit is never going to leave me alone.. is it?",0.500094007050528,2.9616618648648654,1.4303760282021152,96.26856051703881,95.8918918918919,3.9252643948296138,18.596944770857814,5.7926816847441245,-0.1972124559341948,588,18,119,5,23,182,96,148,0.157,0.745,0.098,-0.8917,0,2,0,0,0,0,79.0,0,6,2,1,6,11,4,2,6,0,6,4,3,0,2,17,15,7,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,2,2,0,0,3,7,7,0,2,0,3,9,4,17,14,3,21,0,1,1,1,11,7,4,1,12,68,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366510806116499,0.25581274596793896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676194142579815,0.3001264477337839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247653428816135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116030155118393,0.09496210879247732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109223680349104,0.13482750355781462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713128504625069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896924771005628,0.06244414817272681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645224514444856,0.0,0.2105597679675965,0.1035840120518561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162035848786446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977043077296764,0.0,0.0,0.06787110656961931,0.0,0.1393107855888599,0.2615324667959165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06033473846002072,0.12377714012752232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24814007917681494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524904018392978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368523815077693,0.0,0.0,0.14489794272412698,0.0,0.0,0.11789252938953275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984116781694386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3803058452259804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463920105147954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926277382576056,0.10794243380728458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001264477337839,0.0795284702299367 bpd,JJOtterB,2020/03/17,"needing support/advice rn So my best friend/FP has to work all week. So we're not going to see each other for a total of 9 days. I know for ""normal"" people thats not a lot. But for me, thats still a long time. Now we've talked about it. He knows me. we've been friends for 4 years now. He knows separation is hard for me and is very understanding. He was cool with doing check ins during the week. But my BPD is staring up like reactor from Total Recall. I'm starting to get really (irrationally) afraid that 9 days without seeing each will deteriorate or diminish our relationship. And that when we are able to come together again, he just wont be as invested anymore and the nature of the relationship will have changed for the worst. Or that he'll enjoy the time away from me so much that when we see each other again, he'll be all ""yeah i don't want to be around you as much anymore"" It's only 9 days. but my brain is like ""that is more than enough for him to realize what shit you are, and when you see him again you won't be best friends anymore. he won't love you anymore. you guys won't be affectionate anymore..."" you get the point. Now me and him have talked about this. and he was very reassuring to me. he always is. but im still having difficulty convincing myself that I can have faith in it. i need advice or just, idk that im overthinking and scaring the crap out of myself for no reason.",1.4596839080459745,3.5960209166666717,3.1969923371647515,89.83,81.15277777777777,6.33352490421456,20.34770114942529,7.503015589744147,0.5650522988505751,1096,30,239,17,29,364,145,288,0.106,0.774,0.121,0.6782,0,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,3,7,0,3,19,18,2,2,10,2,30,4,3,1,4,43,50,22,0,4,12,0,1,2,2,8,0,0,0,1,16,16,0,0,6,0,2,2,9,5,0,0,3,7,28,13,33,34,15,30,1,0,5,1,31,7,2,4,23,165,44,1,0.09650699355850344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18861103435079948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030154965473975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4785450270364486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591168493786992,0.0,0.0,0.09067149726417732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20255627146260285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154717999946793,0.10773372159032336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209160281421066,0.0831322296374482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867170810625696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971752229143592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22368319148205454,0.0,0.1008418419101001,0.0,0.054847148443836806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955570964308316,0.0,0.0,0.08645131032305797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20848822745284884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911315935149692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429688459229546,0.0,0.0,0.08540565240129436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204679480069117,0.08710132957114149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188748900499604,0.14311742577591022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455636331244376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339791737292464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690579796975164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912303027298072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06182485127637975,0.09922526259522134,0.0,0.20722478869544925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662033633320954,0.0,0.3076143162542015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990630420450414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830814675947858,0.0,0.15414121943797304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951499263057457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513733160476278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254800806529447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046718379632917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925675343151513,0.05692232521078953,0.0,0.15482417804103474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302929793030112,0.0,0.0702582407033364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062147339745604074 bpd,autsch_,2020/03/17,"How do you deal with intrusive thoughts about self-harm? I've been struggling with this for some time now - I can't look at sharp objects without instantly getting thoughts about how I could hurt myself with them. These images are so graphic to the point where they make me feel sick. Do you experience this as well and what do you do about it?",6.445,6.9054066818181825,5.1480303030303025,87.54204545454546,65.51515151515152,8.41818181818182,31.65151515151515,8.07648339933343,1.9539515151515152,275,10,56,3,4,80,52,66,0.14300000000000002,0.8270000000000001,0.03,-0.8299,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,3,2,0,9,3,0,1,1,0,8,1,0,3,0,13,14,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,3,9,1,11,10,1,5,0,1,1,0,6,3,0,1,2,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201237077925716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842341959694321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26968712497198377,0.0,0.0,0.13940200861864185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404166916458244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951421388017168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315182389278173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18403163310008855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606252490966336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28761482511685804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28822109721966394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377493949324174,0.1607626619645291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478870630607149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657645894059712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,babyysquidd,2020/03/18,"Feeling like you are just flat out stupid? All my life I have felt like I’m just completely stupid. I’m a little air headed naturally, things go over my head and I miss the point of most conversations that go beyond what I know. I’ve always been horrible with numbers. Simple math stuff like that. I basically didn’t absorb anything after 4th grade as far as math classes go. I failed all my math classes every single semester, managed to become president of the engineering club ONLY because the club sponsor was attracted to me. I didn’t know what I was doing at all. I suck at almost every job I get. I don’t mean to do anything half-assed, but when I work on a task at work I almost always am made to redo it because I didn’t do it well enough. Once I was made to re-vacuum a hallway three times. It’s not that I’m lazy, I try my best, I just really can’t do simple tasks the way I’m expected to. I can’t do any kind of sports, I was laughed at in 7th grade during field day because I couldn’t throw a softball farther than 5feet in front of me. I’m not overweight or unhealthy, I just literally suck. I faked a migraine that day so I could go home. The bullying was so bad. My brain shuts off when someone is trying to explain something to me and I start to realize I don’t understand it. It makes it hard for me to learn anything. It took me forever to learn how to drive and I still am horrible at it. Every car I buy ends up with bumps and scrapes and dents all over it by the time I’m done with it. I don’t talk about it, but it hurts me a lot. It’s come to a point where I just know I can’t do certain things. I don’t even try anymore. I know I’ll be bad at it. I don’t know for sure if it’s all in my head but ive felt this way forever. I don’t know if it’s BPD related or just me, but it’s been this way my whole life ):",0.9212907268170448,2.5143983659147864,3.1645802005012555,92.11473997493736,80.3784461152882,6.438345864661655,21.860275689223066,7.3871296695380915,0.6003388471177944,1424,43,335,20,36,488,183,399,0.11900000000000001,0.789,0.092,-0.9244,1,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,0,4,17,20,4,0,13,0,35,9,4,4,7,59,67,20,0,5,16,0,4,3,0,0,5,0,1,0,28,10,1,0,15,3,1,10,15,10,1,1,16,4,49,10,44,48,11,47,0,3,0,0,4,24,2,8,13,210,77,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857397743142652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543411543346111,0.0,0.0,0.0630692144184982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919772933292747,0.0,0.0,0.2289616432852373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548750123275439,0.16960795156207958,0.10242864676580543,0.0,0.0,0.09732928221705776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680803264627505,0.1035331635722218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989088840638829,0.09724049537809767,0.0,0.0,0.07404867130492629,0.0,0.0,0.11962463135971448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490948371880968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214380471924362,0.09582951738801918,0.0,0.06125664812282443,0.0,0.23442288411509996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046894237876346834,0.0662564519880149,0.1780978905790662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048454999786901855,0.0,0.21083459134175972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308055751333115,0.0,0.28554681848368096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302996217329483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928454978123344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203427585460487,0.0,0.0,0.0965787788782684,0.3058186148302737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101589693757312,0.13593034705470455,0.09295402087539564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884777487756868,0.0,0.17551354801348126,0.0619074521585772,0.0,0.0,0.10102558758897222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987695118357871,0.0,0.07053611880343674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753464322189873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059414288725366374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858183238765261,0.07139899142154434,0.0,0.0,0.0656447993011656,0.0,0.0740656121858451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616988325206657,0.0,0.0,0.08741028054367737,0.0,0.0,0.07454424896910176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323020805064686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815974011426424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304218289601566,0.18890160609191176,0.0,0.0,0.09654994945018312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22084801047701447,0.0,0.0,0.08338814495448846,0.0,0.0,0.1035455512331033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350377174325409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wasteofspace666,2020/03/18,"is it possible to all my anger be directioned to myself? first of all, sorry for the broken english, and also i don't know if i am using the correct tag for the post. so, i (18F) feel so much hate and anger/rage but is always towards myself. i never get angry at others or confront them, the falut is always in me and i can't see things in other way. i haven't been diagnosed yet but my therapist think that i might have BPD.",2.338266452648476,3.607735539325844,4.4831781701444635,85.5659550561798,75.62921348314606,6.8834670947030485,21.703049759229536,7.447530270364453,0.7879072231139639,329,8,68,4,7,114,63,89,0.11800000000000001,0.841,0.040999999999999995,-0.5478,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,4,3,3,0,4,0,11,1,0,1,4,16,18,10,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,2,13,0,9,15,3,9,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,3,3,58,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860913841270547,0.3872527423257652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930795170151434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361872239942377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766092002604454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979358606801324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157698073315627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297446520090904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788671278015773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24685962231980485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106244977570748,0.0,0.17947381824536907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623360880810447,0.22286380655548102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18543304590678208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604903877914285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701844911575054,0.15459660195856806,0.14910578814342482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009794667780834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18470769740173004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_lovely_lacerations_,2020/03/18,My psychiatrist diagnosed me with it and my outpatient therapist said to my fucking face that I don't have it like I'm sorry Karen but I fucking take meds for this shit you've known me for 3 fucking hours fuck off Sorry but look at my fucking diagnoses and tell me I don't fucking have it. Call my damn psychiatrist. Royally fuck you Heidi.,3.215196078431372,5.280894441176475,4.794705882352943,80.87284313725492,75.17647058823529,8.650980392156864,28.98039215686275,9.2995712137729,2.751992156862746,274,12,53,7,6,92,43,68,0.311,0.6890000000000001,0.0,-0.9748,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,0,10,9,0,0,0,4,11,2,0,0,6,15,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,1,2,12,1,6,14,0,3,0,0,1,7,4,2,9,0,2,31,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200326622017072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26242089394537604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8365824802244264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273089061750766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315677451708059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855764963756652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359433492193374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296923196359215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269796211116694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894234466724249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719800274260257,0.0,0.11299122407415214,0.0,0.0,0.15009714433465488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cutieclem22,2020/03/18,"Does birth control make symptoms worse? &#x200B; I am not ""officially"" diagnosed with BPD, but its been suspected before and seems to align pretty well with my mental health issues. Though that being said, I have been doing incredibly well for awhile now, I'd be described as extremely high functioning. That was until....about a month-ish ago? I started birth control. And I knew that it could lead to worse depression. But thats all I read, just depression. But I have been acting CRAZY..manic, up down. Doing things I wouldn't have done a month ago (feeling inclined to do sketchy, impulsive hurtful things) being paranoid and jealous, being kinda mean too which is unusual and even at my worst, I was always the quiet inward BPD type, not really mean or aggressive. I dunno, I just have turned into a psycho. It reminds me of years ago when my ""possible BPD"" was uncontrolled and I wasn't in therapy. Pretty sure I mostly cared the new dude Im talking to off for one- and my friends that have known me awhile have made comments that I seem off. But I am even more concerned about nipping this in the butt before it progresses. I think Im going to stop the birth control to see if anything improves...But I am super curious as to if anyone else on hormones of any sort? Maybe people who are already unstable as is cant afford to add a layer of artificial hormones on top of it?",4.208025078369906,6.306004934865904,4.950994427028913,80.69685736677118,72.44827586206897,7.657331940090562,27.95559038662487,8.438071523408619,2.198829885057472,1092,42,192,19,22,352,158,261,0.17600000000000002,0.7170000000000001,0.107,-0.9672,1,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,0,7,11,13,2,1,8,0,30,4,1,6,2,45,45,18,0,4,11,0,1,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,16,10,0,4,9,1,0,3,5,7,2,1,11,4,22,6,30,28,4,28,0,3,1,1,5,12,1,9,13,136,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25830145525444104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071861179419831,0.0,0.0808205046664712,0.10524104850366914,0.11802440465973428,0.06605219146113174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791602811725088,0.09952185748364163,0.07993027152243573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530210510084478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669980643180621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903119914397288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268209420571454,0.07755094239830661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731702042851426,0.09858559309015448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499971044298615,0.09939840614588802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114021752510503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830779287110455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04911218900046786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504292050284034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05520160240750858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324536816018982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262389363585576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398039918123424,0.0,0.20983559884217887,0.10137919198044414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190739558354764,0.06483548147144598,0.0,0.09758082081136847,0.2116075652891896,0.0,0.0,0.09788487755310632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505756021899653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380941360081656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581826084393916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733818189409158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950024474250043,0.0,0.19763363627753852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715696245294847,0.0,0.06222439918743972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239351701541698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740057442598994,0.17684824166791488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874959347196835,0.0,0.0,0.08120559562401013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154451406086972,0.10095596460733047,0.0,0.0780699593396113,0.0,0.0,0.11107739475765034,0.0,0.129058612367448,0.06223741618493764,0.09543039749632216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565028535706322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746642880177366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19796891698166588,0.0,0.0,0.11802440465973428,0.0625489717634845 bpd,throwaway729571,2020/03/18,"feeling guilty and depressed i always see posts on social media saying to cut off the toxic people in your life, but what if i'm the toxic person? recently my best friend (fp) called me out for being toxic and said that i hurt him. i feel so fucking terrible. i've been doing nothing this past week except laying in bed hating myself. it feels like he wants nothing to do with me now. all i want to do is talk to him but i can't because he needs space. i've been feeling so lonely and hopeless because he's my everything and now it feels like i just lost apart of me, and it's all my fault. i'm in therapy but i feel like i'm never gonna get better. i kinda just wanna die.",2.427832167832168,3.592352622377625,4.333146853146854,87.15048951048954,75.22377622377624,6.318881118881119,22.090909090909093,6.574015621080383,0.5035650349650349,527,13,110,4,11,180,91,143,0.248,0.612,0.14,-0.9669,0,2,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,1,0,3,6,16,3,0,2,0,8,2,0,0,3,28,27,11,1,5,7,0,6,3,1,1,1,2,1,1,6,7,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,10,0,0,4,9,18,6,15,21,3,15,0,5,1,1,13,8,1,2,9,68,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236457717857204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811684093573875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594485176633913,0.13142320803331284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173557948969435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279875831581718,0.0,0.15422167731104078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13355065917712752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4508148919467138,0.3184761774198223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480675431215767,0.1373768252241086,0.07763653020942651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467101544107812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590776593193519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049594436615657,0.21779301500158266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221270601508386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018382983972394,0.11460824596878424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28516834277279723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185398593063533,0.10301941945675938,0.12975039014002984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423161896758118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672299178790227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413511059664003,0.11817141104270355,0.0,0.0,0.11841368475802015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147735415684593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194377641622257,0.0,0.0,0.1699352195267166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529437134867085,0.0,0.11919667221418065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pistachogirl,2020/03/18,"DAE feel they’re in empathy overdrive channeling the massive panic of COVID-19v I’m in partial isolation with family members and feel like a new rollercoaster just opened up in me seeing/ hearing / witnessing all the stories about people hoarding, old folks being unable to purchase basic items or hourly workers needing to go into their works because they live by the paycheck. I can imagine other BPD’s feel this way as well and just wanted to empathize (haha!) and let you know your anxiety, pain and anguish is valid and only natural. If any of you have comobordid OCD with germ/illness/hoarding related obsessions, my heart truly, truly goes out to you.",14.752241379310341,10.246534913793106,12.809655172413795,54.87586206896553,53.31034482758621,15.393103448275859,54.0,12.602617957971056,6.936989655172414,534,29,75,11,4,168,94,116,0.134,0.7659999999999999,0.10099999999999999,-0.636,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,4,2,2,4,7,0,3,4,1,5,2,1,0,1,22,15,8,0,3,4,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,10,0,0,5,1,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,5,9,3,17,13,2,12,0,0,1,0,7,7,0,2,4,49,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445184188441635,0.0,0.16257444108286162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954800641985906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26765692805880154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003415198131324,0.0,0.32236398565972985,0.15182173692532494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207779503014936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23952139379052195,0.25183292123610845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092858159212684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679343896457507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173123863696248,0.0,0.10382476358398283,0.0,0.18765584786228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575781952943349,0.0,0.2052496340604516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230001808237912,0.0,0.0,0.16162827545679584,0.22613240080277824,0.2493421705491687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733209239395692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169348032006725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253476609161207,0.16868560238826674,0.0,0.0,0.19107773848592585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471444814723953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bitchcraft_101,2020/03/18,"Things to do while in quarantine? I'm really struggling with having to be alone with myself, and I'm sure many others feel the same way. So I wanted to create some sort of resource for constructive things to do for people to check out. Feel free to add on! This is my list so far: * do some spring cleaning * go through your closet and clear out old clothes you don't wear anymore * if you have pets, groom them/play with them * make a bucket list * find some new music you like * read a book (new or an old favorite) * draw/doodle/color * test run halloween makeup * try to find the weirdest wikipedia article possible * if you play an instrument, practice and/or learn a new song * watch/listen to stand up comedy * finger paint * try out a new makeup look * crank up some music and dance (even if you don't know how to)! try out [this quarantine-themed playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1Tn6OrkJhOYO5u6y16erqB?si=b5QBrX1zQCe1FvkM1JR0yA) * teach yourself sign language (I did this when I had mono, it's actually pretty fun) Stay safe, be smart and wash your hands!",3.1279365079365067,6.260664439153441,2.2489947089947115,91.40619047619052,87.14814814814815,5.128042328042328,19.16931216931217,6.775458762138228,0.4047121693121691,845,23,150,11,27,242,127,189,0.036000000000000004,0.818,0.146,0.9638,1,3,0,0,0,0,52.0,0,7,1,0,5,8,0,1,8,0,12,5,3,2,2,35,21,13,0,4,4,0,4,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,7,12,0,1,6,5,2,3,2,1,0,0,2,6,13,8,24,17,5,24,0,0,1,0,8,9,0,9,10,83,20,5,0.0,0.0,0.14647337354555928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545560007676024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885625077864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991378920250073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178747233634707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743725393218266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530378984198728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248958479165276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332998938178338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260439811263827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001911546863356,0.15217516639529846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.579859870293594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31500386473246184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040586118176484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921222315622286,0.0,0.15270297816964942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15013798051711705,0.0,0.09615621358497528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998381684437515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15691435243470012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146498739270433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994360356683016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30571876852518404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853131301932031,0.119140299529655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kinzahhh,2020/03/18,"Does anyone else here relate with me I know it's wrong to self diagnose and I'm not doing that. With this whole quarantine thing going on, it's hard to get access to therapy and i have been reading about bpd, i exhibit most of the symptoms but i was wondering if there's actually any other people that relate closely. Now to begin with, my self esteem is really low and I have developed social anxiety over time to the point where I'm unable to open up about my feelings to even my parents and i completely suppress my emotions. But that isn't the only thing, the way i feel emotions is just so intense and overwhelming, i lack words to describe it. I'm very sensitive and I cry over the littlest things like even if someone raises their voice. It isn't just sadness that i feel in extremes, it's also other things like limerence and even anger sometimes. I have a tendency to overreact and my moods can change rapidly too. Even if someone makes a joke that i don't like, i get very upset. When I'm in these emotional highs, i contemplate doing crazy things like jumping off a building after an argument and once i even tried to overdose after i had a rather small argument with my mum. But these highs are brief and afterwards, i return to my normal more logical sense. I am really scared of rejection. I don't talk to people because i feel like they would reject me and not like me. I keep isolating myself like this so people won't use or abandon me. I idealise people and relationships to the point where i get hurt if things don't unfold the way i wanted to and this is particularly true of romantic relationships. I feel like I'm constantly at conflict, there is a battle ground between good and evil and I'm torn in between. My relationship with my dad has been lately getting turbulent. There are times when I absolutely adore him and then there are times when i hate him so much. It keeps alternating. This changing view of character happened to this other friend too. I can't accept people's flaws, it seems. I'm always living ambivalently, so torn, flung and conflicted in my mind for no apparent reason. On top of that, I have grandiose fantasies of being promiscuous, doing drugs and speed driving which i would probably do if given the chance. Everything is always so messy, so chaotic and last minute in my life. I revised for my college entrance exams just the day before and i wasn't afraid of failing, for some reason, i found it exhilarating and i can't do other bad stuff bc i grew up in a very strict household otherwise i probably would have. I was wondering whether this was relatable to anyone at all",4.377526063133391,6.347284411530818,5.3111351403772495,78.83556563060664,71.68389662027833,8.406323037385443,28.570479561654462,9.047159751262416,2.545423546525724,2101,82,375,44,41,687,245,503,0.168,0.691,0.141,-0.9534,2,1,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,2,2,31,32,4,4,16,0,40,4,0,4,2,78,71,42,0,12,16,3,6,8,1,4,4,1,0,2,34,28,0,6,14,3,0,5,12,17,0,0,9,8,58,14,52,57,7,52,0,8,1,0,15,27,0,11,26,271,92,4,0.0,0.0,0.0703343096785346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05763794714412949,0.11994350624181645,0.0,0.0,0.04901312774213976,0.0,0.05513679095114924,0.0,0.0,0.10079232462130752,0.07384883689818424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06017919228314475,0.043935942824304734,0.0,0.06133008621008361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077530262880093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15249051670898306,0.0,0.07556873611981706,0.07788692352972182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917044775769545,0.04648208632372304,0.0,0.0,0.07315409467535569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307287576428867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358353138421913,0.0,0.060208991686872326,0.2432223157664837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380226190528465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477590819025664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822151498631593,0.10298006642293138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790259629802279,0.055684575596758434,0.0,0.15062379426779146,0.0,0.040961596133598885,0.060452666364339776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373523738178957,0.0,0.06456459012266942,0.07115864160645574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230132102822974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715723695174423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812624451862328,0.0,0.0,0.039610257219789016,0.05875033260310681,0.08130316904447914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05090834690156583,0.2816956587838963,0.0,0.06364309903467312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0481102846898438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277469323068453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05298304639287215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061770166287286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675698429527847,0.0,0.05481590080395222,0.0,0.0,0.08003019660685334,0.0,0.0,0.2498368970120165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362673875157223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541699050874502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209399879709984,0.0,0.09234553339071376,0.14820916849807436,0.0,0.23214310162647636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215914240694041,0.0,0.0,0.06561391278700353,0.15037883307665995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347087050130639,0.12213697045504265,0.0,0.07128351791679634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250805243382503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491299652853707,0.0,0.057930748477704824,0.0,0.0,0.0824234657183851,0.0,0.2872985489623592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608165190390133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04893385061393054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062249222002139774,0.0,0.17840701843295828,0.042511404191911836,0.114418757750612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804685990861152,0.0,0.0,0.15632342940263622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535989587431133,0.07880214519946142,0.0,0.0 bpd,franticjellosaurus,2020/03/18,"dae want to have children only to know what it is when somebody needs them i'm just so fucking jealous of mothers. i know, motherhood is practically a living hell, but i just... i see how my fp considers his mom the most important person in his entire life, and i just... i get so jealous, i become just so fucking full of hatred towards her. i just wanna be someone else's one and only, i want somebody to love me unconditionally... i feel so much guilt for having these thoughts, for feeling jealous of moms and esp my fp's mom. i can't help it, there's nothing i can change in my way of thinking. i'm just so fucked up in my head, god please tell me i'm not the only one who has these thoughts! i just feel so wrong and weird, and i know i actually am",0.5054487179487168,2.7593376217948773,2.691282051282055,91.203717948718,86.24358974358975,5.005128205128205,22.76923076923077,6.42735559955562,0.506246153846154,583,22,126,6,18,197,90,156,0.24100000000000002,0.6559999999999999,0.10300000000000001,-0.9845,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,0,16,11,7,1,3,0,9,6,1,1,0,29,30,14,0,4,9,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,9,0,0,0,2,10,0,2,2,4,24,1,15,27,3,8,1,0,1,4,14,6,4,1,1,85,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.13506684859736415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286144789076306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641796889030875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156226427975112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099506727615568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838696200087937,0.07231279196636946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204717622865926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927723812548369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281972755228737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776210237539854,0.0,0.0,0.12221734827386375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249191844569291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4863075129752263,0.0,0.0,0.1017462620743857,0.10262823884278102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328068049325304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18757852752262125,0.3157979800379753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085306935332395,0.0,0.15193110273725094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029375126347778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727317558095415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097523552659252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886866557630882,0.0,0.21976196966298026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327398164263715,0.10986232110924432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132809952141293,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mungus91,2020/03/18,"My ex left me for good on Friday and is now ghosting me. My BPD pushed him away and I can't cope. People keep telling me it'll get easier but it isn't. I wake up and start crying. I can't get out of bed. My heart physically hurts and I can't eat or sleep because I'm scared of dreaming about him. Being in my apartment alone is such a shock because we were always together. And what hurts more is it's my fault I lost him. I got so controlling to the point where I'd get upset if he wanted to see his dad, friends, or even go to work. I took everything as abandonment. He got drunk and told me everything he hated about me with spit flying in my face from yelling so loud. I slapped him in the face three times before he shoved me out the door. I want to die.",1.0517995910020446,2.7593364294478526,2.619779141104296,95.63478118609407,80.41104294478528,6.064458077709613,20.069120654396727,7.0316486544052195,0.13779623721881418,590,15,141,7,15,193,103,163,0.27,0.679,0.05,-0.993,0,1,0,0,1,1,15.0,1,0,0,3,9,11,1,2,4,0,10,8,6,1,0,19,26,13,2,3,4,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,4,10,2,3,0,2,0,3,4,9,0,1,6,3,27,2,20,18,1,18,0,4,1,0,15,12,0,3,3,82,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145120057297654,0.0,0.0,0.1297098947106396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464603163196652,0.0,0.0,0.19005369098561184,0.0,0.13264776517148313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19633334584316547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748397479014624,0.0,0.0,0.17123378771571499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178537476219276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595106084991241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296143517382583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280201121157987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043737362655242,0.0,0.2443324833609982,0.0,0.08859378032449937,0.13075003782676126,0.2493530394152131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390545432142155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184726023639042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33375903022202824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855891166525067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693709280132035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17016831804332186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080719369364695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736294644850112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560693872854478,0.0,0.12422120352711885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599888561919678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103371300074022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625150275459166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089855886224414,0.0,0.0,0.14895604611943913,0.17319542220372544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389156477107896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134870876510742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Original_moisture,2020/03/18,"PSA For Those Who Have Trouble With Loneliness Good morning (IMO) the best sub I’ve been blessed to be a member of, I’m sure there are tips and tricks flying around on how to deal with the current climate. As we take care of our bodies and neighbors through social isolation, this can leave us feeling even more so isolated. As a personal note, these are some realities I have had to accept. This is not medical advice. Just anecdotal tips. I’ve learned that now the world feels like we do, to be isolated when there’s so many around us. As such, i think the ability to incorporate more self development and love into our daily routines. This is especially important now that we have no choice but to focus on ourselves. Sometimes removing the choice and being told, or voluntold, helps us to focus on the path of healing. So use this time to develop those skills, the time to transition from loneliness(which I suffer from) to solitude(which I benefit from). It’s hard, it sucks, it’s miserable. But the internet allows us to not be alone. Go on a walk if you can, there’s a world to explore when no ones around. Much love, OG Ps. Feel free to add tips and tricks! Positive development and encouragement pls. Pss. I have a Texas education so I apologize now for grammatical errors.",3.3921338912133905,6.124411343096237,4.2831698744769895,81.38180920502096,77.82845188284519,8.342828451882848,27.133221757322172,9.065960079200117,2.6438085690376583,1017,42,186,27,25,327,143,239,0.129,0.6759999999999999,0.195,0.9602,1,2,0,0,0,0,36.0,9,1,0,2,19,18,3,1,13,0,17,5,1,3,1,35,30,20,0,1,7,0,4,1,1,0,2,0,1,2,13,16,0,0,7,0,1,4,4,6,0,1,3,4,16,13,35,23,5,22,1,2,0,2,22,10,1,3,9,130,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275595236621838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519725878917493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486175762328248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699082660509299,0.0,0.0,0.14499749558993386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309146143357328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13457820847879298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621864530644137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980107197966392,0.09325586215171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418734703201367,0.1094884809652992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169357668042942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749639021343555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822013622265056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377392352904054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356299916106281,0.0,0.0,0.1323443178777229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150258094638784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595992394293297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845544232985413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398012179490664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617885689000914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306632263174126,0.0,0.0,0.12910471223113204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302984582539978,0.0,0.09814779240199778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364302106309497,0.0,0.0,0.15223468072641666,0.0,0.0,0.12473396942204487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6280811226367112,0.11274230184007868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Incognito_Malaysian,2020/03/18,"I uh, I feel myself slipping. I made alot of progress in the second half of last year and the first two months of this year. My mindset was so so so much better. I felt better. I don't feel better anymore. I can feel myself fighting the urge to go back to how I was but it's getting so difficult. I just broke my sobriety a few days ago. I can't see my shrink because my country is on lockdown. I feel myself slipping. I think I know why I'm slipping. I had an FP. Which I don't fucking know wasn't my FP anymore after we set boundaries??? Like I don't think I was emotionally dependent on them. But we went from FP CO-dependency to normal best friends? To just friends and now we aren't really anything anymore. And they said to me ""I think I've outgrown you"" and all I can think about is what they said and all the days I can never get back. I'm slipping And I'm scared And I'm crying And I don't know what to do. I'm slipping.",-0.45045,1.6976488550000006,1.8670000000000009,95.926,90.45,4.4,21.0,5.927762680638738,0.03144999999999998,721,26,165,6,25,243,98,200,0.092,0.7709999999999999,0.136,0.8255,0,2,0,0,2,0,24.0,3,1,3,6,11,12,2,1,7,0,17,1,0,3,3,35,43,15,0,1,4,0,5,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,5,11,0,0,12,0,0,2,8,5,1,4,10,8,36,7,15,33,6,19,0,1,1,1,12,3,1,2,14,110,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492528627238495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857284618537285,0.0,0.0,0.10668940282388266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19938289061819808,0.0,0.07903232526942218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605776296877967,0.34398983008401113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424124344829283,0.16722469711088858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458367488118428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26221605487041644,0.0,0.12448258134487432,0.0,0.0,0.11027867301529697,0.0,0.0,0.20033171968797425,0.11985765039394365,0.13547164276740428,0.0,0.07368204665894801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21375374224595686,0.10568056806116694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633395504365888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226762397166975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034839378623247,0.0,0.09530632751028532,0.0,0.09999266655915527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702768641877893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305594193458245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466502106753431,0.0,0.12980044235475252,0.0,0.1033128113597919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332293267098868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664743018563673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018515884851205,0.11698731414175682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697835044438503 bpd,juju_cubes,2020/03/18,"How do I set boundaries ? 1st off, I would appreciate it if no one suggested I dropped my friend group as we have a very long history. I'm more concerned with my best friend/brother. Anyway. I do not know how to make healthy boundaries. I've always bent over backwards for people but specifically my family and my brother because otherwise, huge fucking blowout. Brother is bipolar and obvs, I BPD. We are supposed to go to a friends bday party at their house tonight (15 ppl tops but currently the city has closed restaurants and bars due to Covid) but my boyfriend is worried and doesnt want me to go as his mother is elderly and sick and we live together. I'm also a bit immunocompromised but I'm terrified of upsetting anyone. I've been isolating myself for so long and I'm scared of them thinking a certain way and pissing off my brother. I dont feel like I'm allowed to have feelings. But I cant talk about them without being screamed and gaslighted. This is a very small part of him, otherwise beautiful man but holy fuck I cant handle it. What do I do?",2.949057971014493,5.314406840579707,4.008818840579711,84.75583695652176,77.21256038647344,7.038550724637682,30.63985507246377,8.07648339933343,2.3617518840579708,844,42,160,15,20,273,129,207,0.153,0.6990000000000001,0.14800000000000002,-0.4705,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,3,0,3,2,6,11,3,2,6,0,19,6,1,4,1,34,34,22,0,3,9,4,2,1,2,1,2,1,0,1,4,14,1,0,4,1,0,2,7,6,0,1,1,3,25,5,20,31,4,20,0,0,0,2,18,10,3,1,6,101,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233495584998312,0.13769330267186325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570804035945292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087557489413362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366191632976818,0.0,0.1806622015838039,0.0,0.2084173059739992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939422942932076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600059425705046,0.0,0.16734415437830344,0.11821953434105754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3835502243701589,0.305968712111956,0.0,0.0,0.1880931325444248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19094265400185167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094393364287512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084557226483315,0.0,0.14612260009623518,0.29289064523763536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045973557038896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213408959916928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17919960732932466,0.0,0.11472356797547538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567517404317728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300721871622673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603343074424668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730780221187125,0.0976048779598222,0.13135097627153566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15951760996323214,0.0,0.0,0.16805381027066338,0.0,0.11755283010019305,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cat-mp4,2020/03/18,"I'm struggling I'm on mobile so I apologize in advance for any weird formatting. But I'm struggling immensely as a result of this virus. Plans to visit my long distance partner/FP were cancelled, I feel trapped in my home due to quarantine and my mental health feels like it's rapidly deteriorating because the only human face-to-face interaction I've had in a week was when I bought supplies, I was recently re-diagnosed with bpd and diagnosed with another cluster b disorder and just as I'm starting to make progress in my therapy sessions all my therapists have cancelled our sessions indefinitely so I feel abandoned and like all this progress I made will reverse in the time I stay trapped, because I'm a hypochondriac I panic every time I sneeze, and I'm a college student pursuing medical school and because of the virus all my classes are in this weird process of being switched to online schooling. My fellow classmates, however, have made a petition to have the semester end now on a pass/fail basis and my grades are not the best they can be so I would fail all my classes and have wasted $12000 in tuition. My mother has ASPD (diagnosed) and she will see my failures and deem me a bigger one. Friday I told her I was worried about the transition to online school because my internet service is not the best and I have too many distractions at home and she told me to kill myself, that I'm worthless, that I waste her money and time. She spent hours berating me because I expressed my worries. She pays for my tuition and despite me being an adult I'm still financially stuck under her thumb because that's what she wants. My life is falling apart as a result of the virus and all the progress I've made to fix myself is suddenly meaningless. I don't know what I want to hear or what to do but I'm struggling and 2020 keeps getting worse as I start regressing back to unhealthy impulsive habits like drinking myself to sleep, spending money on whatever useless thing I want because I tell myself it will make me feel better, and falling back into old ED habits because while I'm trapped in this place the only person I see is me and I hate them. I feel like I'm a young teen again and all the years I spent trying to improve myself never happened. I'm emotional; I'm angry and constantly lashing out, I can't stop crying over the most useless things like a friend not answering me for an hour, and I feel abandoned by the world. I'm struggling",7.675000000000002,7.138064618143464,7.662205907173001,73.89819493670886,63.15611814345992,10.453198312236287,38.79122362869198,9.791249743138472,3.8268419578059074,1975,94,352,34,25,637,228,474,0.19399999999999998,0.728,0.077,-0.9929,1,4,1,0,0,1,33.0,1,0,2,9,12,25,2,6,25,0,28,7,1,7,7,64,72,33,1,4,7,1,6,5,2,4,5,1,2,3,14,25,1,4,8,1,9,4,6,16,0,1,14,9,64,9,44,51,9,51,0,6,2,0,25,20,0,3,31,225,78,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05319663864064213,0.08202720747394499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030255531445325,0.0,0.381488728661725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418757401662865,0.06918489918732278,0.0,0.0,0.0985234200282938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845349545460584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592803386352703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381944665928186,0.0,0.0,0.08965423859995693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663209686677999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799417786761396,0.06928537697047042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590912101013102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373217281651757,0.11176992028566354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060437527298047834,0.0,0.04087006850746799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917535256089306,0.0,0.0,0.07723238075343301,0.0,0.08315101164462667,0.08816684498822916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693492700406506,0.0,0.15407450498307593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953122402122994,0.08654592813501047,0.0,0.04299118699116124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525362405277957,0.19108735324190448,0.0,0.0,0.06922790775038974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222059150640182,0.10443346700943704,0.07930929765782219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880487430283907,0.07883381829413234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06033302688347378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208545409615216,0.0,0.053008237283556206,0.11898941370036413,0.0,0.09178183272874336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830428046679818,0.08172994472480935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723913871236007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23750789782222864,0.12467263529751067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782829002674021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073810572269804,0.08337894054004508,0.062471708954610475,0.06540077823989521,0.0,0.32711689768620583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837332689323271,0.0,0.08945871286562515,0.09082688677307434,0.10394029650952334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684333941782956,0.0,0.0,0.14949736668067154,0.0,0.0531105948206272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841988326889124,0.0,0.06274850442329878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15888542517402404,0.07971939087706173,0.055569794462849625,0.0,0.0,0.05037524077007818 bpd,room_willow,2020/03/18,"A Recent Diagnosis and My FP After my FP shut me out insisting i go to therapy, I finally listened, I went to therapy, and sat mostly silent, I answered my therapist's questions, and here I am. I came to the personal conclusion that I may have BPD shortly before starting therapy, and the relationship between me and what I now realize is my second ever fp really solidified the idea with me. I avoided the subject with my therapist, but low and behold, a few sessions, a YSQ-L3 test later, and here I am. She's seemingly avoiding telling me ""its BPD"", but her description of me being ""a highly sensitive person"", combined with spending the last session discussing biosocial theory, really solidifies in my mind that its BPD and shes just avoiding giving me the diagnosis. Idk what's next, I broke down last night and texted my fp, it's been 8 weeks since I've spoken to him and not a moment went by that he wasn't on my mind, after a year of being in love with him, being led on, then cut off completely, it's hard to move on, he's still not answering my texts, but I did tell him I saw a therapist like he wanted me to, I explained myself to him, and hopefully, with some time to process, maybe he'll come back? Idk if that's really what's best for me or not, but this has been so much to deal with, and finally having something of a diagnosis gives me a little more peace that hopefully I can slowly get him back and maybe even make a friend or two?",7.499464285714282,6.035335652777783,8.493968253968259,70.80500000000002,64.0,12.256349206349206,36.19642857142857,11.35114627814755,4.052980357142856,1140,45,219,29,14,392,156,288,0.076,0.8029999999999999,0.12,0.9627,0,3,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,0,2,10,12,1,3,16,0,16,1,0,2,1,55,36,22,0,4,11,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,2,13,22,0,3,8,0,1,7,4,6,0,2,9,3,42,6,31,22,6,41,0,2,1,1,26,13,0,10,22,159,55,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506771072432293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337152978249067,0.0,0.10282121037846736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701972219983952,0.0,0.0,0.11206001557268176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439883308536568,0.10272741362953837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101037149184386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471313216581819,0.08862614503224701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146588505152488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756970769107968,0.0,0.05118913459021127,0.18797765186276302,0.05568280012346061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776848331612833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351847605857473,0.0,0.19462728134762614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106045305705686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972927504366774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04786679641508186,0.09819906936782527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842840626370872,0.0,0.06540065864449969,0.0,0.1968628845594372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978584371562834,0.0,0.0,0.10413444402110593,0.0720246440740231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042000498817578,0.09194512930354314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711001294389112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097570832179639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18830044590980974,0.0,0.09674083777120507,0.10519103378155377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919492246153084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104789710150348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542777004553278,0.0,0.0,0.06934889033851806,0.0,0.07824485826770099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712730886212568,0.0,0.3361370015057935,0.3412778520731299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571313952977044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957096587424982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778959430353365,0.0,0.07859154035114445,0.0,0.0,0.18165201650666551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309421720990371 bpd,Tainted_Gray_Matter,2020/03/18,I'm close to snapping. Need help please My bf and I have been under self quarantine for a week now. I can't stand his face anymore. I see him every second of every day. Our apartment is very small and I dont have much privacy or time for myself to deal with these feelings. Everytime I hear him cough or sniffle or breathe I get a wave of anger over me. I've never experienced this type of anger and its scaring me. A few mins ago he coughed non stop and I dug my nails unconsciously into my other hand and it started to bleed. I'm having THAT type of anger. The type where I hurt myself. I dont know what to do. I need space to deal with my mentality but I can't,0.31305851063829593,2.484629964539007,2.3248891843971653,94.09031250000002,86.23404255319149,5.227127659574467,19.450797872340427,6.6274283507984215,0.06504574468085078,519,15,118,6,16,173,91,141,0.099,0.858,0.043,-0.7351,0,1,0,0,0,2,11.0,1,0,0,0,2,5,3,1,4,0,10,6,3,0,1,19,20,9,0,2,4,0,2,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,7,9,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,1,5,23,0,16,19,2,18,0,1,1,0,11,8,0,3,9,75,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628990181195303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18224822327265167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851499286299888,0.37891295196614494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4307488572519494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096645021685272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291849352528332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601106208056767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20711960456014145,0.0,0.12317564588244224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19672717190402256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099394676501347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519466442546093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509043723595568,0.2725229089574117,0.14173301394293725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017217997012108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18398357138702728,0.0,0.14643910035421231,0.0,0.1917098363948713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300717558288859,0.0,0.0,0.15363806347818212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715644998863244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162763542234947,0.0,0.0,0.14740740041938707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Peachfluzz,2020/03/18,"I hate having sex with my boyfriend, and I don’t know how to fix this. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, and we have a son together who just turned two. Sex was never really a issue when we started dating, or really until about a year ago. I don’t know what exactly caused this switch in my feelings, but I have zero sex drive or sexual interest in him. I think he’s very attractive still, and he’s my best friend. But for some reason I’ve gotten into this mind set of withholding sex because I feel like giving him what he wants means that he has “won”. I know that this is crazy and irrational. Any time he tries to touch me or initiate any sort of intimacy my mind immediately goes to, “he’s trying to manipulate you into giving him what he wants, if you have sex with him then he knows that you are weak and he can use you. do not submit to him, he does not deserve it.” On top of this, we are so close it almost grosses me out when he tries to touch me. He’ll constantly try to kiss me or do other things for me that would get me in the mood, but for some reason it just seems weird and makes me uncomfortable. It’s not like I see him as a brother or anything, but I’m having trouble viewing him in a sexual light. He knows me too well, and it feels weird to be intimate with such a close friend. The whole thing makes me feel very exposed and weird. All of this is obviously a problem and not normal, has anyone else experienced anything like this? I mostly see a lot of problems with hypersexuality and BPD, but rarely the lack of libido. tl;dr- I have no sex drive with my long term boyfriend, and the thought of sex makes me feel weird or powerless/taken advantage of.",5.790922203467853,5.273960591836738,6.4843455577719835,80.72673929722265,66.98833819241982,9.903268375019179,28.548258401104803,9.414487439383343,2.104216326530613,1325,36,283,23,19,437,167,343,0.10800000000000001,0.742,0.15,0.9686,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,3,4,0,4,11,23,1,0,12,0,22,9,0,9,4,86,54,31,0,8,18,2,7,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,23,25,0,1,16,0,0,2,8,10,1,2,5,12,41,12,36,46,9,29,0,0,3,8,34,11,0,14,18,185,64,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462839133423533,0.0,0.10689578635206667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518878995654472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464283714796048,0.10937909661014332,0.17569408594216646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507446747554016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202867233025976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444924812749134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966276498920938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535999334924875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341858939786936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891768292518585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698827675267596,0.07626299280598242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649512390368446,0.0,0.05577303325615477,0.20481072619580093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539459065076297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142039260782408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933380086384581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645955629231115,0.0,0.0,0.0944713464454064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075595067093936,0.0,0.0,0.2137715242944324,0.0,0.0,0.11628322115575405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155763187611775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233301380939942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459339289552934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20429273282017246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677495059514536,0.219515778996087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701335791328552,0.09718217384511896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555896379360208,0.0,0.08525155029915484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184134809612475,0.0684017815762425,0.0,0.08474843322431627,0.062247413155500274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899079036917929,0.11611452058015367,0.1042802935176276,0.0,0.0,0.09219865814089373,0.0,0.1761616415797242,0.12592910549290734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959820411138032,0.0,0.0,0.1191837684005487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583290431842261,0.0,0.0,0.13748839095990226 bpd,cirquedujerk69,2020/03/18,"My FP and I are on a break. My boyfriend and I have been dating for nine months. Things moved really quickly and some unfortunate things went down in his life after we got together. This led to him moving in with me, sharing my car with him, and me becoming the primary provider. Lately, he’s been a little distant. This caused me to snoop a little, something I never do. I looked at his messages with a friend and he said that he doesn’t think our relationship will last much longer. I was heartbroken by this...I love him. Due to COVID-9, he just lost his job. After confronting him about the messages he suggested we take a break. He told me that he needs to get his life together: break down some walls he has, find a new job, car, and house and then MAYBE we can work on getting back together. He told me that he said those things because he’s been unhappy with the state he’s in, and he can’t make me happy when he’s so unhappy. He told me I’m the best girlfriend that he’s ever had and that he loves me. He told me that I don’t have any other women to worry about. I want the best for him and I want him to figure things out, but I can’t help but be heartbroken. He reassured me that we will stay friends, everything with our mutual friends will be fine, that he plans to still care for our dog son and grab food/hang out with me. He says he’s not going anywhere. How can I make sure to support him as he betters himself while managing my feelings for him? I guess it’s selfish, but I’m afraid he won’t come back to me, and I just love him so much. :(",3.2983229813664567,4.2174319378882,4.125279503105592,90.42189440993788,72.78881987577641,7.711801242236025,25.18012422360249,8.04050195162591,1.1548993788819881,1212,36,274,17,23,389,153,322,0.081,0.764,0.155,0.9758,2,0,1,0,0,0,41.0,7,0,0,6,13,20,1,1,11,0,22,5,0,5,3,49,52,22,0,3,6,1,2,0,4,4,2,3,0,1,17,25,0,0,4,0,0,8,7,4,0,1,14,6,49,16,35,32,6,43,0,1,1,3,68,13,0,3,17,171,66,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685900914106405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511437332899086,0.0,0.06148496277132656,0.11139492238029518,0.0,0.0,0.21169835158885372,0.08920485731346457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283623982086212,0.10361377179608344,0.0,0.0868842808523115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123608223411113,0.0,0.0,0.09064888670953022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05099920923745572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218667605768653,0.0,0.12196357130209402,0.0,0.2337788041464198,0.0,0.10539319049172656,0.0,0.057322594018290464,0.0,0.08066911126983681,0.0,0.11111163003522942,0.0,0.0,0.1073702144891974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676061384444219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638200808355326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001813230744144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221655848720798,0.11377751336487395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248460885473602,0.0,0.20218183618155136,0.0,0.0,0.08469926098172499,0.0,0.11010354648197804,0.0,0.27309756086440146,0.0,0.134653264408229,0.0,0.10133013411546868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050764095836434,0.21440216529007652,0.14829137264695827,0.0747884104047454,0.07779152846429067,0.0974138194619159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646152252306444,0.0,0.0,0.1082887877487282,0.0,0.0,0.19188704076736585,0.08021006349139732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764903040864411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075062127890684,0.08054907861230869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445779114490907,0.09506189648942397,0.0,0.07583619421278638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680347714071743,0.06462874237562513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.385514510251151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898286168792956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350072887613473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342924331609879,0.10243096288586516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jojofb,2020/03/18,"Bites & sex My boyfriend knows I used to self harm and he doesn’t want to bite me anymore during sex. How do i explain him that it is not the same thing I really like when he bites me hard on my neck I cant really explain.. if he doesn’t do it i will just put my nails into my neck untill i feel pain",0.29304347826087,1.5667533043478308,2.4051449275362344,98.30163043478264,81.17391304347827,5.759420289855073,17.297101449275363,6.42735559955562,-0.5303159420289858,234,4,61,2,6,79,48,69,0.122,0.8170000000000001,0.061,-0.6258,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,7,5,2,2,0,13,13,5,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,2,13,1,5,12,1,5,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,1,3,37,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33985248810184626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31106827602423337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15859685802498644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28097941199774906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17238035216440026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323933834520495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337583277943172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315316797570276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018796312877216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32721772115728115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20838299859070555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27090313378040576,0.0,0.0,0.18500588837236429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,historynerd11,2020/03/18,"Has anyone else had this experience? Hey, First time poster to this sub. I (30M) was diagnosed with alexthymia with asd features when I was 20. Had a therapist who didn’t really know how to deal with it and was also diagnosed with bpd but I’m not sure. Have also had a bipolar diagnosis but it doesn’t really fit as far as timeframes of mania/depression etc. I’m having a hard time differentiating between the two. My mom was bpd, I always had to walk around eggshells etc. and my dad was definitely a narcissistic individual who was more concerned with not dealing with her than anything else. Reinforced her behavior, ended up having to beg for her forgiveness after she would split on me as a young child. I went through a lot of isolation and emotional abuse/ invalidation as a child. So it was a BPD fostering environment. I feel like I have more social skills than most aspies (gfs, was in a fraternity in college, bounced from group of friends to groups of friends, etc.), not a lot of issues with eye contact, etc. I am also have extreme emotions (particularly some anger), have a few suicide attempts, etc. However my interests are restricted, I look at things from an intellectual view, don’t really do the whole FP/ abandonment issues thing. Can take rejection/ see other points of view better than most others I know (all females) with bpd. I’ve tried DBT a couple of times, it hasn’t been incredibly helpful even though I go out of my way to practice DBT skills, set proper boundaries etc. I feel like I’m stuck in the middle ground of intellectual analysis and emotional breakdown. Can’t tell whether I’ve just been an aspie all along or I’m bpd saying I’m an aspie to try and justify my upbringing (even though my more official diagnosis by a psychologist was the former.) Doing financially ok but the rest of my 20’s has been breakdown after breakdown and I don’t really know what to do. I guess I’m just wondering... has anyone else had a similar experience? (If this is inappropriate please remove or tell me to delete.)",4.586983267716537,6.761414406824148,5.9017314632545945,73.95645546259844,71.5984251968504,9.381922572178476,29.49155183727034,9.827888789773867,3.159373293963254,1623,67,288,44,32,544,203,381,0.062,0.8,0.138,0.9829,2,1,0,0,1,1,55.0,0,0,0,5,13,12,1,0,22,1,40,4,1,1,3,49,59,25,1,2,12,2,3,2,2,1,3,1,0,2,14,17,0,2,7,0,0,4,9,3,0,2,20,9,26,9,51,38,19,29,0,2,5,0,24,13,0,10,12,202,40,2,0.0,0.08574406717219228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361762766408642,0.060215847484827535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012025650609489,0.14829882630336624,0.059552573437623824,0.0644227283237489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400348136946703,0.0,0.0,0.4557238611538326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007364825963627,0.0,0.0,0.14921614894142773,0.062330322146076075,0.14690368643987844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181362154945974,0.2442122684253348,0.06409643413802311,0.0,0.4842556860599221,0.09559656325490024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415792848927043,0.0,0.0,0.0731827175468025,0.10339921131201267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155605523622872,0.0,0.0,0.11182244096255207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04112831620151474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972134429744226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648273780476102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048506643614529325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510664648190947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193144313843672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071055098335699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06077076669941839,0.0,0.0,0.12304911433414036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475634989598993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943816634602162,0.06841100848977782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18544278815226525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754981801355938,0.0,0.0,0.05766780601169625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376990837277662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915868083072725,0.0,0.06820584107350719,0.0,0.05441161602190835,0.0,0.12650537921955568,0.0,0.0,0.08402465023021026,0.09615596624881904,0.0,0.1422020880658751,0.0,0.12659482383938456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826603799536056,0.0,0.07069287283636509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057442229946353285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708572087757822,0.0,0.08079611880143524,0.0,0.0,0.07847984503835187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05140804346593338,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SoPositiveImHIV,2020/03/18,"DAE find it impossible to let something go until they snap and then immediately feel terrible and hate themselves after? This is so stupid. Like, as I’m typing this I’m realizing how ridiculous this is. I’m sitting on the couch with my girlfriend watching tv when the cat decides its a good time to drop a load. Now my girlfriend had already agreed earlier to clean the litter box so what better time to do so then right after the cat makes doodoo. Cut to her and I mid-conversation and as she’s talking to me, all I can think about in my head is: “I THINK THIS IS A GOOD TIME TO CLEAN THE LITTER BOX” “No Derek, if you want the box cleaned then you clean the box yourself” “BUT SHE SAID SHE WOULD DO IT. THE PRINCIPLE”. I then go back and forth about this in my head until it just becomes so overwhelming that I crawl out of my skin from the anxiety. I snap, and out of embarrassment I ask if she could please clean the litter box. She happily obliges and the MOMENT she says yes, I’m washed over in guilt and feel like a total asshole. I go through this cycle of hating myself, feeling like an asshole, and just wish I could express, more than anything, how much I love my her and feel terrible about what I did. Holy shit. Am I just an asshole? Or am I an asshole with BPD? I feel terrible right now.",2.5966716641679177,4.5030313524904235,3.619560219890058,89.32385307346328,76.47126436781609,6.531467599533568,24.75778777278028,7.423996415210882,1.0442722305513903,1017,35,214,13,23,327,133,261,0.135,0.696,0.17,0.8488,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,2,1,1,16,19,6,3,18,1,15,6,4,3,2,41,37,29,0,7,7,0,6,3,2,1,1,2,6,0,13,14,0,0,10,1,0,3,1,12,0,0,3,9,33,7,31,30,4,30,0,1,1,1,19,9,1,3,19,146,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515689116364021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050722154538649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302717641117647,0.0,0.12840351529249744,0.0,0.0,0.10561351247074706,0.0,0.0,0.15169205498495691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147473000899492,0.0,0.0,0.1729872557173978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193252663941226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34724091038129395,0.19624543866236802,0.0,0.0,0.1255352222041374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234177157214152,0.23040497915891586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27120896930335514,0.2819210254024775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044946874388992,0.0,0.2013065126857666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239635503835988,0.0,0.09168205314953463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096790128620907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076882698908975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345919449567688,0.13065110562046964,0.10922606795259286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098758841187364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573858070536432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039656063491278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760164024098486,0.0,0.0,0.24026930594062415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101246633044742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794548315789506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756935195862666,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hsjsoajahwjw,2020/03/18,"Im so gross and stupid Like once every few months i get uncontrollably horny and wanting attention so ive sent nudes to strangers sometimes. I ALWAYS regret it after but i just can't think clear in the moment. I feel so disgusting because i didn't send any nudes with face in it but i have sent seperate nude and face pic to this one guy i have now blocked because i feel so repulsed with myself. I wanna cry. Im only 17, what if he saved them and something gets posted. They don't know my name or where i live or anything but still. Im so scared right now i really hope it passes.",0.7972136953955129,3.1290269090909097,2.213772136953956,94.58481404958677,85.69421487603306,4.779456906729634,19.386658795749703,6.1826913282559595,-0.07222833530106243,460,13,99,4,14,148,81,121,0.258,0.67,0.073,-0.9773,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,10,9,2,2,1,0,6,5,5,0,1,26,16,15,0,5,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,5,0,0,4,3,6,0,1,3,2,16,3,8,13,1,15,0,1,0,3,8,4,0,4,7,57,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198505189376918,0.0,0.0,0.12421285648172885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031094541358642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226917241085482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20063986768316205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389619340748414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847134863771599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086123047022915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18085890399750987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18141937101719852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5919019160570622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038337526898712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923686379528585,0.0,0.16128926046173586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579487862429846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19452348204341524,0.12377294389840265,0.13891869246336636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749346796159491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701459398935173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559878701410131,0.0,0.0,0.1828712757690788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406180932512661,0.18065220051033656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458699199204459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703907279022517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773568615142176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mattbadsuns,2020/03/18,"Need a place to vent I was diagnosed as bipolar a few years ago. I thought it was fitting then, because I did have severe mood swings, sleep issues, and so forth. But I feel as if I may not be bipolar, but instead borderline. Please don’t jump down my throat, as I’m not trying to “self-diagnose”, it just seems different. I’m a 17 year old male, and they can’t make any personality diagnoses until I’m 18-20. I’ve never brought this up to any doctor, so I’m just reaching out to let people hear what I have to say. I’ve been through a lot of stuff in life that’s left hard imprints. Not so much severe, one time events, but instead unknowingly damaging events that happened for months/years. I’ve always had mood swings. But the more I grew, the more I realized they weren’t typical “bipolar” mood swings. I understand there’s rapid-cycling, but that still didn’t fit it. I can go from neutral in a good way to violently upset or anxious with a simple sentence from someone that wasn’t derogatory/hurtful at all. It’s almost as if I split down the middle mood wise. I examine what people say to me so heavy that even the slightest things that aren’t meant to upset me will throw me into suicidal ideation or an internal rage nobody sees. It can last for a day, or for 5 minutes, then I return to normal. I’m always nervous, and I’m terrified of being left alone. I have a wonderful boyfriend that helps me so much, and the only thing I can think of is when he’ll leave me behind, how he will leave me, and so on. I never let him know this because I’ll seem looney. I’m never level headed for more than a few days. The slightest thing can send me into a fit of rage that I let nobody see, a panic attack, dissociation, or just a fit of sobbing. The drop of a pin could trigger it. I use the word “dissociation” sparingly, as I don’t experience it unless I swing (I feel nothing but an empty rage, I don’t talk, I don’t remember doing much, etc) I’m miserable. This has only gotten worse. I know I’m only 17, so please don’t tell me that it’s just hormones. It was never this severe until the events that happened years ago. It’s only getting worse. I’m on a mood stabilizer (Lamictal) but it doesn’t do much. I feel like therapy isn’t accomplishing what I wish it would (CBT). Any input is accepted. I’m just looking for advice/support/a direction to turn.",2.679692066805849,4.351751726513574,4.403005741127348,84.82400756784969,75.57620041753654,7.295219206680585,25.33616910229645,8.07648339933343,1.4983891022964504,1843,64,377,30,40,622,228,479,0.182,0.721,0.09699999999999999,-0.9928,3,1,0,0,0,0,69.0,0,0,2,1,19,21,5,5,25,0,40,10,3,4,5,66,79,37,1,7,22,0,4,1,0,5,7,3,0,2,33,9,0,0,16,0,0,6,19,12,0,1,13,10,38,4,46,55,12,52,0,3,3,0,14,20,1,13,25,241,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382490626700989,0.0,0.07808566783280922,0.08076372318039565,0.0,0.0,0.1297711505766504,0.0,0.0,0.15908714476716698,0.0,0.0,0.08809516102749394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887134644096085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507172219036182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06226065442713598,0.0,0.0,0.10058124883012214,0.0,0.0,0.2374440601129709,0.0,0.08147246317623949,0.0,0.0798157954744914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696827078219949,0.051505029501942065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762793660878683,0.0,0.0,0.1182870355777296,0.05570890048528776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04074131167831691,0.0,0.04431780949438335,0.06540589245165572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791484585477656,0.0,0.06985472919089612,0.0,0.08002993830535635,0.0,0.08788908466602993,0.0,0.052268324829730914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347916221788995,0.0,0.0,0.08139082057285914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571149560503707,0.06356407693548016,0.0,0.1651390408329277,0.16945091391478526,0.2392193835677246,0.05507955335282854,0.03809707054829395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548352838508008,0.0,0.0,0.06629577516368379,0.0,0.0,0.05205223020731236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22929697844907485,0.05782115379579104,0.2405718162480429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640380611680593,0.07482387673918088,0.0,0.08182685255290012,0.0,0.05284124043718999,0.23722910026935315,0.0,0.0914926837699236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812297421549344,0.06808909505381694,0.08147246317623949,0.17119716282362474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088336095742333,0.0,0.0,0.12402559145212087,0.0,0.0,0.12427986734313637,0.14198005749538262,0.08135010723877217,0.26428548308248184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803627826789801,0.0,0.06607216880896646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06227489844143076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892684000298399,0.08529742184664643,0.08849073685481612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267733968491701,0.0681579239567861,0.0,0.08917688265028285,0.0,0.15541926539433326,0.04996641100279981,0.0,0.061907379438787685,0.04547074298235948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052943275507663916,0.08481980622440574,0.0,0.08117989062790086,0.0,0.06734964997131873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189686422419816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967310795418919,0.0,0.08456594246448411,0.0,0.0,0.15893648673157856,0.05539472770145416,0.0,0.0,0.20086615560323773 bpd,satanismydaddy87,2020/03/18,"TW; Suicide mention TW; Suicide mention So today at work, I went to my boss privately who I have a good relationship with. I spoke with her about my current situation, and the fact that I am going through a rough time, but am actively seeing a therapist, but there is a possibility I could have to be put in the hospital, as I had to see my therapist today and sign a crisis contract. I told my boss this not for her to worry but so she knew the circumstances in the case it happens, and my work isn’t blindsided (I learned this because at my previous job they were blindsided by it and I ended up being punished for absences) Anyway, she went to my “head boss” and told him because I guess it’s her job, and they had to call HR. Then I had to speak with HR and tell them the situation, and now I have to get a “letter” from my therapist saying I’m okay to work, and until I get this letter I cannot return to work, and it would be a temporary “suspension”. My job is all about the mental health of their staff..or so they pretend. If I would’ve known this would cause such an issue I never would’ve went to them. But they still wanted me to finish my shift today because “we are short staffed” which really shows how much they care about my well being, although multiple times they kept reassuring me they “aren’t judging me” and “care about me very much”. Like I would kill myself at work anyway? I do work in a behavioral facility (so I was told their biggest concern is the safety of the clients lol), but I would never bring my personal life to work. Has this happened to anyone else? I’m so upset about this and honestly it just made me feel worse for speaking up and thinking I was doing the right thing.",5.548255131964809,5.500472645161293,6.354514662756599,79.87177199413495,67.41642228739002,9.517947214076248,30.53973607038123,9.255337874911486,2.441361173020528,1336,46,270,23,20,442,169,341,0.10300000000000001,0.8029999999999999,0.094,-0.7359,5,0,0,0,0,3,32.0,1,0,11,7,19,11,2,1,18,2,30,3,1,6,4,49,56,29,3,7,8,0,2,1,0,4,2,4,0,1,15,17,0,1,5,2,0,6,6,3,1,0,16,8,57,8,40,31,3,32,0,0,2,0,35,11,0,2,16,201,72,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05772989613713065,0.08459544315498048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150988724119445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430594727464777,0.0,0.16835674875000256,0.08481483655810647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591975376212658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897070485602644,0.0,0.07312621934671379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04174628064481852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627141036314495,0.0,0.04692239611078198,0.06924983948010219,0.0,0.0,0.09095233749128896,0.0,0.14602019144415082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473335006237823,0.08776049698073597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617421226979392,0.2457928020218603,0.0,0.0913436110344473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05831661468633539,0.04033606027287987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812300790194024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320397954928756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138645583505768,0.0,0.12735518952613786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209073565210376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307725924521892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299851388808932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528919049283128,0.0,0.0,0.08864165134398702,0.0,0.07050826154401953,0.0,0.06565732824326505,0.0,0.0,0.13158387633777666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856083073281305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593483490644696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806208141051761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721636096746657,0.0,0.0,0.2875856552347719,0.054851119051840716,0.05290296962002703,0.0,0.0,0.09628617650609443,0.0,0.2347799130011249,0.2366771540906721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681230353797035,0.04869773482977766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423395835753098,0.2296098935564361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207473981246414,0.08384662796323873,0.08413864394426272,0.3519018722239813,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,curlykalexx,2020/03/18,"should i get diagnosed? i’m already diagnosed with ptsd, but bpd matches my symptoms too and feels like a better label as to how i feel. idk if it’s worth getting diagnosed though, considering my meds rn are okay and i hate therapy lol. opinions?",1.5688449848024315,4.312809531914893,3.3477203647416403,83.02000000000002,91.97872340425532,6.941033434650456,27.99088145896657,7.957251820313856,2.6306072948328265,196,10,35,5,7,65,40,47,0.11800000000000001,0.602,0.281,0.8485,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,1,2,2,4,0,1,0,10,8,7,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,3,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318728093844477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18583419655326056,0.0,0.0,0.2646389720546458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6398025847065169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21248612147185605,0.15010987642599774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21955821092108274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20745014582372365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265409122025652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333961173365766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456192098973753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183952883739031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402907025283128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20644197954929114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AceZombieRobo,2020/03/18,"Scared (and doubting) new BPD diagnosis I recently visited my new psychiatrist, as my old one didn’t really care about my issues and was more of pill-pusher if anything. We sat down for a few minutes, i showed him a list of symptoms that I believe relate to my experiences, as my old psychologist believed I either suffered from bipolar or borderline personality. After a quick glance, my new psychologist said “yep, that’s trademark borderline”, discussed what it is to me, and sent me on my way. Now, I find myself laying down and doubting the diagnosis, either out of fear or of true disbelief. Has anyone else experienced this?",7.6071807838179515,8.539497707964603,8.457926675094818,63.17566371681421,63.07079646017699,11.41289506953224,37.381795195954496,11.20814326018867,4.690014917825538,503,24,79,14,7,170,81,113,0.102,0.825,0.07400000000000001,-0.4951,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,4,4,1,4,2,0,0,1,15,8,9,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,6,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,5,0,1,5,3,17,2,16,3,4,16,0,1,1,0,7,4,0,5,9,60,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202901064217111,0.1762690657840873,0.14156924564479745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876465991239536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21667068111996174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17540003169108118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371225278847702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828216988963215,0.0,0.1935859714912098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723587258908486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17955870109514194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.498454252621449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610412883342261,0.0,0.11657462635684325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502133702616084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102093247762077,0.0,0.1698627269447224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16364363910199992,0.0,0.17223595054568885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17880909798724914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365525063358992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Rthompson2496,2020/03/18,Checking in Hey guys I hope everyone’s doing okay with the quarantining. I know it can fucking suck to be stuck inside dealing with mental illness so feel free to message me if you need someone to talk with or just a friend :) ❤️,4.871884057971017,5.533349086956524,5.78130434782609,80.92384057971016,69.0,7.872463768115942,32.72463768115942,7.793537801064563,2.2976463768115947,182,8,35,2,3,60,41,46,0.14,0.602,0.258,0.7708,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,2,6,2,0,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,10,10,3,0,3,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,5,7,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,1,2,3,0,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459379624881169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206330038322434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696644791940171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592455820731416,0.3102111476973687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33224787595295513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332774850720937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844098492080245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381561096952878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488065381953081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843109573785712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269702883573914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Wachtelboimik,2020/03/18,"Validation? Please? I feel so bad right now. I don’t even know why. I had a great day and I was so happy. Me and my fp talked so much and we laughed and I felt good. And now I can’t sleep and I‘m overthinking again. I don’t get how she can love me. I don’t get how anyone can love me. I feel absolutely worthless and disgusting right now. I‘m kinda desperate right now and I don’t want to wake her up so I wanted to ask for some validation. I don’t even know...",-2.1627612761276107,-0.5234142673267339,0.7349669966996721,99.78724697469748,107.51485148514851,4.620682068206821,13.531903190319033,6.42735559955562,-0.6738519251925195,353,8,90,6,18,121,54,101,0.115,0.638,0.247,0.9376,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,0,13,9,1,0,1,0,10,4,2,2,0,20,24,14,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,3,19,6,4,21,2,10,0,1,0,2,7,4,0,2,6,57,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471938383021276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012049498156668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16087144996894476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425624772922304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545135113962765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194839540064782,0.0,0.18499346965843247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20132430549811806,0.0,0.0,0.16160250285120634,0.0,0.2124194183016768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051008586263316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21177284941310398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477844980163224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163466097866687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114938651266955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4936175284770872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280920125976025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15486089380439946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272835833485985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385475875654086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cinnamontoastpag,2020/03/18,"I’m exhausted by myself I’m basically self diagnosed- i always feel the need to add that, but I’m 99.9% sure i have BPD. I just can’t get a diagnosis or any D.T.T because I’m broke and i live in the U.S. basically i just wanted to say I’m so tired it his fucking cycle. I’ve dated basically my entire high school career and now that I’m out of hs it’s not gotten any better. Every relationship starts out perfect. Then shit hits the fan and i don’t even understand why i ever started dating them. This is really hard for me rn because i found somebody i really like after taking a brief break from dating. I’m really scared I’ll repeat my same cycle again and i really don’t want to lose him. I’m constantly in my own head. I can’t seem to get out. I’m scared as fuck right now. The other day he made me feel a bit rejected after a petty fight so once he stepped out of my car i left abruptly leaving him in the driveway. I drove home and cried and was angry and freaking out so i called him and he said it was ok but i could tell he was hurt and it fucking broke my heart. I don’t even know why i did that. Sometimes i do dumb dramatic things almost to test to see how much they can take.... i hate myself. And i know that if this one really doesn’t work i might hurt myself or probably actually kill myswlf because i don’t have the resources to get help and i refuse to hurt another good person because i can’t tell what i really feel. God damn i hate this fucking disorder. Fuck u mom lol",0.6602505102987593,2.7831004258675094,3.1591102245314566,89.01956717387272,84.17350157728707,6.379254035999257,19.41816663573947,7.618777277803332,0.6445881239562063,1173,32,255,21,34,406,169,317,0.303,0.608,0.08900000000000001,-0.9981,0,1,0,0,1,2,28.0,0,0,2,4,12,29,12,2,10,2,19,11,3,2,3,46,59,22,1,5,8,1,4,1,0,1,3,2,2,2,14,17,0,1,8,0,0,4,9,23,0,1,9,7,42,6,24,47,4,32,0,7,1,5,22,11,8,6,17,143,56,4,0.0,0.0,0.08483631207737458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705314501305148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233713370965776,0.0,0.0,0.11823797006112954,0.09115924191206844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21197980751598733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768872079874537,0.09491083138148336,0.0,0.1094919668357158,0.0,0.08877066108722396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939461747974002,0.0,0.06941076293357436,0.0,0.09549434470851366,0.05606607641974644,0.0,0.0,0.0882374993652683,0.0,0.0,0.09963538533933122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483989127772185,0.07863795584633153,0.07324673960506058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187129913980808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532006908502792,0.0,0.4018514192327717,0.13626031813475445,0.0,0.0,0.0729172048895467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787695282472103,0.17166122064519868,0.08922069847181978,0.0,0.0,0.1030187488891293,0.058270898966173934,0.09185191736153904,0.08720319401194128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791981095563582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096181028738177,0.0,0.09555473447658393,0.0,0.0,0.0920519300656143,0.09445545764686336,0.0,0.0,0.042472196230863325,0.0,0.0767654624884246,0.0,0.0,0.0972583633339654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082260282717482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222461486013986,0.0,0.10181757247066203,0.0,0.0,0.06390744828718374,0.06446142327916443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258325706976718,0.058909609075731575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590855057061921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373095697667876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341578751036133,0.0,0.0,0.0933359774018602,0.0,0.07424227105809071,0.08269537813245595,0.06913443976126475,0.17407480225370586,0.0879831646935788,0.06927617842232922,0.07914263191403298,0.09069247761890273,0.0,0.08923783599330133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598123447294001,0.0,0.12306650536245725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193549126344389,0.0,0.1307290524982508,0.0,0.15197056777954884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057755950285967174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991933846837776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050271307284624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255338452473976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689117237182404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328993367891482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,daewonbae,2020/03/18,"People with ocd and bpd what do you to cope with the anxiety? I've been having a lot troubles with my relationships lately, no much externally but internally specially in regards to my best friend who I live with, I feel like she became closer to people online and we got further apart, ive been discussing this with my psychologist and she told me I shouldn't expect things from my friend that maybe she can't give me (she's struggles with her own shit too), she's very shell-like (??? And I'm tired of having to ask her how she is doing to know how she is. Also I'm staring to get annoyed by silly stuff I hate to feel that way I'm trying to learn how to be less codependent but I feel my ocd is acting up at along with my abandonment issues, what do you recommend? I'm so anxious and unhappy. I don't make sense sorry",3.7371428571428567,4.765244142857147,5.041428571428573,83.85357142857143,71.85714285714286,7.980952380952381,24.714285714285715,8.344100000000001,1.3990142857142858,648,18,134,10,12,216,102,168,0.196,0.6829999999999999,0.121,-0.9394,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,2,0,1,6,12,3,1,2,0,15,2,1,4,0,29,30,12,0,2,2,0,3,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,8,14,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,4,4,27,6,23,24,5,9,0,1,1,0,20,6,1,1,2,93,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984264288298834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337742745662806,0.19755214856277145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347887056361038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18351418332136973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202413315722597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652569988288972,0.12492641884726785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702066470131521,0.0,0.091361813332802,0.16775023916411666,0.0,0.0,0.13985868064476942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17264689322342866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18251776022564065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610340633817044,0.0,0.19725980187169706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543214011963816,0.0,0.15441249404696986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866733508929847,0.0,0.0,0.11672638763585755,0.0,0.17567937273465462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854880513082034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24246423544877296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18774381847964586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795004729002694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19575148223679573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18281100347893664,0.2001831203776564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617516576616425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20098614345939805,0.0,0.16709478363033875,0.0,0.11872454407825594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428520446869056,0.0,0.13880283972660254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mavec2,2020/03/18,"Coronavirus outside for society is BPD inside for me The whole world is currently feeling the panic that I feel on a regular basis. The outside world this past week does not feel so different from the way my inside world usually is. Can anyone relate?",5.105434782608698,7.574427152173919,6.08195652173913,71.94076086956524,70.95652173913044,9.817391304347826,31.06521739130435,10.125756701596842,3.905626086956522,203,9,31,6,4,67,35,46,0.071,0.897,0.032,-0.4215,2,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,4,7,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,4,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19974259437648825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597832378707637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29845760668525256,0.0,0.0,0.24998609541508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4333202184406082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351646232680213,0.0,0.0,0.2726981795330727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31461803926022197,0.0,0.0,0.2267464274121005,0.22914206679466734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189331490803681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AnIllusionOfSelf,2020/03/18,"Anyone else having extreme anger issues now specifically? I'm so frustrated with the world right now. I have such contempt towards so many people and I hate the policies that are being forced on us. I feel like I need a violent outlet but I don't have one. More than anything I just wish this would end, that the virus would slow down and things could go back to normal.",3.0107738095238084,5.413711069444448,3.3353174603174587,89.47000000000001,77.19444444444444,5.7809523809523835,21.3968253968254,6.868970318607317,0.5033825396825398,295,8,57,3,7,91,58,72,0.191,0.738,0.071,-0.7866,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,0,7,6,5,0,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,12,15,5,0,6,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,0,1,7,1,6,11,1,11,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,6,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594265136533576,0.24316676574676985,0.1952976572464656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18248771856489293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18948412258794414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19825397924081425,0.0,0.21019886635326845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999828439647872,0.16954450970552426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487685480226622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23430858847826785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477048846476515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159446532073106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406095656526954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597294302198735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23252740109510506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608170709547764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453077059122811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20267363440222327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576677031290175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854718822380858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729112043034971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33717671203704264,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Moviegal19,2020/03/18,"I offered help during this time of hardship in my local Reddit. I was met with hostile comments. One Redditor even went back on my history and found a post from here, by me from 26 days ago about my PTSD and BPD. They then tagged said comment and commented, “26 days later, I’ll babysit your kid.” I’m so upset, I’m shaking. One troll has it out for me, anything I post, the Redditor makes a scathing comment. I think I’ll make a second handle.",1.7723096129837683,3.9999047078651735,3.1161048689138577,90.3348564294632,80.57303370786515,5.7533083645443215,25.61922596754057,6.937597516519254,1.1163997503121097,345,14,70,4,9,112,66,89,0.11900000000000001,0.85,0.031,-0.7601,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,0,5,3,1,2,4,0,2,0,0,2,0,9,11,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,3,5,1,11,0,10,6,0,15,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,0,7,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20575412320166087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910091786146067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848052926894256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923381320716402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993872980239145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330841281631072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544998665250672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558041608172005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098743898916274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145714809216912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44460008381573995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713276146171089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220792566549406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487286045468209,0.0,0.0,0.13534692638009418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151710279156372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,saldads,2020/03/18,"How do I stop feeling resentful? Or how do I deal with it? I guess I would be in the quiet category of BPD. A close friend of mine started dating someone. I’m happy for her, but annoyed that it has taken over her life. She has spent every weekend with him, leaves my texts unanswered, and talks about him more than anyone else. I am also frustrated that she is already moving in with him in a month or so, two-three hours away. I am concerned, but not because of my jealousy. I do think it’s a bad idea for other reasons (the commute to classes, expenses, how far she would be from any friends/family other than him) but I also don’t want to stop her if she feels it is right for her. I mentioned that I was afraid we wouldn’t get to see each other if she moved. She said we would, but considering we live so close now (20mins) and don’t see each other now, it seems unlikely that it will happen when she moves. We haven’t seen each other since December, but she spent the whole time texting him and catching up with work she missed while with him. I am trying not to be angry. I feel guilty about being angry towards her and bringing up my concern about not seeing each other if she moves. I feel like I’m manipulative for telling her. I’m afraid of bringing up how I feel, so I’ve just become distant. I know she is just doing something that makes her happy, but I feel so resentful right now and I don’t know how to stop that. Maybe I needed to vent or something. I think it would be helpful to hear about similar experiences, because people without BPD just tell me I am overreacting and that everyone goes through this.",4.4195636363636375,5.2453806584615394,5.093825174825174,84.85422027972028,70.1076923076923,7.632167832167831,27.6958041958042,7.686295010490155,1.4987230769230768,1274,42,259,14,22,411,156,325,0.10800000000000001,0.813,0.079,-0.8935,0,0,2,0,0,0,38.0,4,0,0,1,22,12,4,2,6,0,29,1,0,8,0,71,62,31,0,10,19,0,6,1,1,6,1,3,0,0,21,21,0,3,13,1,3,7,9,8,0,0,6,13,53,4,38,45,6,35,0,1,4,0,37,14,0,8,15,193,74,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620092086058354,0.15392283511733787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544507528324409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729178055640926,0.09860710615752853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041867935311293,0.0,0.08035463050176056,0.1173314668227048,0.1062872046299475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24241654381478925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921705387597504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039442033583538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108458535319972,0.09195944205381093,0.0,0.0941391373291332,0.0907245315261038,0.0,0.2919646572227864,0.06875237829321189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435316638468938,0.0,0.05028033309343508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601690190154027,0.0,0.0851028612291649,0.2048940780193654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846711287003076,0.0,0.0645062388620499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477495040581624,0.0,0.0,0.10864088020340686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577967108632368,0.0,0.0,0.10190204534122896,0.0,0.0,0.06797567812947393,0.04701697903535562,0.0,0.08497983294386073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423954863664197,0.0,0.0966839104491892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681617730836232,0.40914264902475,0.0,0.07135918685324016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671924558459001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894859435469312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437328942923307,0.09154428555660904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300674500673921,0.08761137392751486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960898920071441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154206428480283,0.14817728147760664,0.0,0.0,0.06811768422722222,0.0,0.0,0.2413775925433751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735238231039193,0.16823234099888454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333072673462055,0.0,0.0,0.056117096111458833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533922001827942,0.0,0.09401044890397606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05676360958584744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744618365989814,0.0,0.09276990580068843,0.0,0.07006234075477898,0.0,0.0,0.2734585849803758,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,xatrinia,2020/03/18,"HELP! I can’t stop ignoring or rejecting my partner! If they make me food, or give me a gift or even make an advanced moved I’m not prepared for - I go mute, stop what I’m doing and leave the room without a sound. I can’t speak, I don’t to talk or eat, and hovering makes me angry. What do I do? He is the most gentle and sensitive man on the planet, I’m hurting him so bad but all I do is show the opposite. Together 8 years",0.07679669030732937,1.695643393617022,2.9195035460992886,92.73388888888887,83.14893617021276,6.73096926713948,22.14657210401891,7.793537801064563,0.8759919621749409,325,11,79,6,9,115,63,94,0.182,0.731,0.086,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,7,0,9,2,0,3,1,19,17,10,0,1,8,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,2,3,2,3,0,1,0,3,5,4,0,0,0,2,12,0,4,17,2,8,0,2,0,0,9,2,0,6,3,48,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19943438464032714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444088302987113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577618201917244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888250464310895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291319823405185,0.135747098105834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600998221581395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556997774183969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529135107624376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4783137488874529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538656202164248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39938782481487417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919830216405306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23024820052026804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538151255776198 bpd,Sharkattack8,2020/03/19,"people touching me feels like my skin is on fire currently everytime someone touches me I want to scream. literally feels like my skin is on fire and makes me so angry. doesn't even have to be proper touch could be someone's arm rubbing against mine or someone leaning across me like I could pull my own hair out angry just please stop touching me was just wondering if any of you guys have experienced this? and if so how do you manage it? I almost lost my shit about it earlier, and that's not really appropriate ahahah ((not a pandemic thing. was a thing throughout childhood/other periods))",3.25416666666667,6.018497035714282,4.169642857142858,81.79202380952383,78.64285714285714,7.3047619047619055,27.190476190476193,8.344100000000001,2.276783333333334,476,20,84,10,12,153,76,112,0.191,0.72,0.08900000000000001,-0.9298,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,1,7,6,1,0,2,0,12,5,5,2,0,21,18,9,0,5,7,0,12,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,14,15,3,9,11,1,8,0,1,0,0,3,4,1,5,6,59,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19683526981671484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367353204800247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138884011178639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983184571897766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19878219405225195,0.28085759557547824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946340273016257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881007758039205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21457807748269309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121120766176178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627606316091545,0.0,0.0,0.21577352586901688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592701369862172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20177505962556266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.499656346772922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643403276863398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611831670493858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594137759479023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131704903637586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cup-of-bell-peppers,2020/03/19,"DAE have anxiety due to social distancing I've been social distancing because of covid-19 for the past bit as I can imagine a lot of you have. For me, this included moving back home from university, where all my friends are, who I'm really attached to. I'm used to seeing and talking to them nearly every day and this helped ease my incessant worries of abandonment as I don't really have many good coping skills (I've only recently been diagnosed and haven't been able to start therapy). The separation has been making me very anxious that they will leave me or forget about me if I don't remember to message or talk to them online, which is messing with my ability to study for my now online classes. Anyone else going through a similar situation? Anyone have any advice?",7.793150684931509,7.668024308219183,8.33845890410959,67.78522260273975,62.767123287671225,11.957534246575339,36.74315068493151,11.45678717892309,4.498728767123287,623,27,104,17,8,208,98,146,0.092,0.8340000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.1504,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,3,1,4,4,0,0,4,0,16,1,0,2,1,15,23,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,4,1,15,2,21,18,3,11,0,1,1,0,12,2,0,4,7,72,20,1,0.1619781412996951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15828316501350356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015069055093367,0.0,0.12391283474059755,0.1829891944237757,0.0,0.2265177651522429,0.16596574745268725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455119234549596,0.0,0.09874037150954174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683817832847776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446250102101072,0.0,0.0,0.1644044038061021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353119524747734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647357010494282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514391016399218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920559104883478,0.13585957992132255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857053376050542,0.0,0.16247728261397412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151146383909432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770802333985308,0.0,0.0,0.1081216670984269,0.16422041180332012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17215712996304364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319167547300905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462646407928055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075346900078765,0.0,0.15993387334488018,0.0,0.18348965834100905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907560723520692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820702174389382,0.0,0.3302326333334227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464896210884212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603837887075051,0.0,0.0,0.1852361211111921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989710727844126,0.0,0.13364893029551694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644966650959264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,taykatroo,2020/03/19,"Dating someone with BPD long distance I met this absolutely exceptional guy on OKCupid about a week ago, and we hit it off immediately. We’ve been talking on the phone for a few hours every night and are so compatible it’s absurd. Last night he told me we should probably just be friends and then see if anything happens because he has a tendency to completely lose interest in people. After I asked more questions he explained that he hadn’t lost interest in me yet but is a little worried about how quickly we’re connecting, and doesn’t want to hurt me if he does lose interest at some point. We had a great conversation after that and ended up video chatting for a few more hours last night. It’s only been a week and I’m not trying to tie him down or anything yet, but I could easily see myself falling for this person. I’ve been reading more about BPD trying to find ways I can understand him better so I don’t scare him off completely. Do you have any advice for ways I can support him setting boundaries he feels like he needs, while still pursuing a potential romantic relationship?",5.762285714285714,6.810087704761906,6.4428571428571475,75.58714285714288,67.19047619047619,9.619047619047619,32.61904761904762,9.784248007369934,3.208619047619047,878,37,158,19,14,288,129,210,0.094,0.75,0.156,0.9317,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,3,1,0,4,11,13,0,1,9,0,17,0,0,1,0,29,32,16,0,6,8,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,7,10,0,0,5,3,0,1,4,5,0,0,8,3,18,8,24,20,6,36,0,4,2,0,28,11,0,5,22,103,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316075164392993,0.10265182833698862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874959371565629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905909938409198,0.0,0.10825959901553778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705920598483571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241780009945647,0.0,0.0,0.2916981033751811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24283319760166086,0.0,0.0,0.09245878253300076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013394486278699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256654229073997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975685049720125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058553165984647576,0.08272924790968568,0.0,0.0,0.1058412831392353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946863639357762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276725397118565,0.0,0.11466256886023553,0.10240366776004732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280840477783171,0.0,0.12396884961390585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887888015429213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565751965407205,0.11606441344902906,0.0,0.1024814677851292,0.0,0.25910649832840305,0.12641198420627212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586600211324116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260180846155975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880729330349914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028279377878214,0.10111417700912964,0.0,0.0,0.10947068569071228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248545585936051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972517527485974,0.0,0.11583372406832587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432842505077005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593839057390184,0.0,0.18455901778798264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811898611732857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247993528560504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141117565058022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307757158988372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065414270995813,0.0,0.1572444376560987,0.0,0.0,0.12055436812669465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830324777491853,0.1838370881718684,0.18577937839194994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760294446719452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AJSKFAQ,2020/03/19,"My manipulative ex has ruined by life and I honestly just want to die Sorry for the long and meaningless post, I just need to get basically the last 10 months of my life off my chest. Honestly, I just feel like killing myself at this point, I can’t take these racing thoughts anymore. The idea of death and nothing to think about seems really comforting, and this is all because of the way that someone has absolutely destroyed my life and mental health. I got cheated on and emotionally manipulated by the only person that I cared about for the last year. I helped her through many tough times in her life like having operations cancelled and being abused at work but what do I get in return, a picture of her in bed with another guy, ditching me on nights out for other people she only met 5 minutes prior. Constantly leaving me on read and ignoring me when I needed help with emotional support. I moved to the same city as her and now I’m stuck with racing thoughts constantly as I now associate everything in the city with her. I can’t go out into university or out with my friends without having constant racing thougths which just lead to me wanting to kill myself. I blocked her on every social media I have, but I have conflicting thoughts constantly because I want to tell her how I feel but I know I’ll never get the opportunity. I’m just stuck, my life is ruined. I can’t be happy anymore. I just want to die, and if I do kill myself it’s her fault.",7.375912838633685,6.815229088339226,7.69591519434629,73.4902803297998,63.77031802120141,10.65620730270907,35.12108362779741,10.047579312681364,3.3845596702002343,1164,46,217,22,15,382,152,283,0.213,0.6809999999999999,0.106,-0.9883,0,0,0,0,1,5,21.0,0,0,0,3,12,20,5,0,10,0,15,7,1,4,2,56,42,19,6,7,12,1,2,2,1,0,6,0,1,2,9,19,0,3,9,1,0,3,5,10,0,0,7,2,43,10,43,33,2,38,0,2,0,0,18,16,0,3,19,148,52,3,0.0,0.11008502867392003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742589219819674,0.0,0.0,0.1842866415227392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327607295795725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947295475154976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016176399129416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19285510131429134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20902604272423134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828201295832933,0.0,0.0835029366664509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395777253481973,0.06637605094755272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178325583173722,0.0,0.14562739648815667,0.0,0.052803791768605945,0.0,0.07430987774718995,0.0,0.0,0.09199707122628407,0.0,0.09890610404388013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876066424952493,0.0,0.0,0.12455334647136625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488586400043534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30837869010788943,0.0,0.05106177423635698,0.1514706760445875,0.0,0.09837994729990387,0.0,0.0,0.3281309815548508,0.0907838091808646,0.0,0.0,0.08222382408591104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419775854712603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936330190825523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416113631547659,0.0987503050464103,0.0,0.13778551781718526,0.07165913791478641,0.0,0.0,0.08719122334216592,0.0,0.08915116635347863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132688590649126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441319055492617,0.08112680743822022,0.0,0.0,0.08783147428830357,0.0,0.08898361001235103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293672267633184,0.0,0.05952153695402975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458321244680461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471165465222164,0.07872367978681366,0.0,0.0,0.10400690644861688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543495934573224,0.0,0.0,0.06985794478278141,0.0,0.08120881571212885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05953398852781304,0.0,0.2212842473570437,0.05417748917190065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21920662734130905,0.07374888711587732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956344706455238,0.0,0.0676407364354865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059832010961518675 bpd,Idkidkidk7777777,2020/03/19,"DAE feel kinda sad that nobody asked about them during the coronavirus outbreak? I just woke up today and realized it’s been more than a week and none of my old friends asked how I am and no one I knew asked about me or sent me a message and it made me feel lonely and almost non-existent. I fought so hard the last couple of months to get out of my derealization and depersonalization bubble and now I am afraid I am going back to the rabbit hole again. I am just grateful I can still talk to my therapist who is supportive and caring, I guess. Hope everyone is doing well.",4.392717391304348,5.404708739130439,5.510163043478261,81.16089673913045,70.30434782608695,8.532608695652174,24.80978260869565,8.841846274778883,1.6119782608695652,455,12,92,8,8,151,79,115,0.096,0.765,0.139,0.7274,0,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,11,9,1,1,5,0,9,0,0,2,0,22,25,11,0,1,3,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,4,1,1,6,3,16,5,11,19,2,13,0,2,0,0,10,2,0,5,9,67,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18963922940217945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5311412515479448,0.0,0.0,0.14562346175207536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19308809254598808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20954814728395696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096310591204254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915149766301812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631645889602987,0.0,0.0989445459831713,0.0,0.10763044582396693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20862618801067426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964953212954914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18809956588485013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15437202373058884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791983118198648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116331416927448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198725088652155,0.0,0.12833049130884894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124111862394565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149090301988475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522184893683157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21988769295027308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951247734779638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191122765433687,0.0,0.17027762210683278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,juliesoto_,2020/03/19,"this can’t be happening ? This is the next most traumatic event since middle and high school. My parents are trying to enter my life, act like supporters when so much has happened thanks to them. How triggering and emotionally uncomfortable is it that the two most toxic relationships ever are also the only two people willing to support me right now I have two friends, one lives thousands of miles away in the air force, and the other has abandoned me after retraumatizing me the virus means everywhere is closed i constantly feel scared, out of body i haven’t felt like me i look around and everything is constantly surreal. smells, light, music or other sounds, are overwhelming i can’t sit and do homework i can only sit in panic i have been like this for two weeks, since it happened or go out with either my mom or dad who at the moment continuously trigger me because of their still selfish behaviors it’s insanity. i don’t want to get stuck here and i’m afraid i might everything is shut down i have no one to talk to and i can only burn my one other friends ear off for so long before they start to get tired of me i’ve been reaching out to therapists for weeks, no ones gotten back to me i can afford one NOW because NOW that everything’s fallen apart my dad is here to help financially with the cost of therapy. something he took away to p u n i s h me when he heard about my breakdown a few months back and i tried to tell him that talking to him is hard because our relationship doesn’t work he still has a lot of work to do himself. i’ve been no contact with him since then, almost five months, and i only reached out to him and my mom when things fell apart and i found myself alone in the apartment getting lost in realms of mental illness that haunt me terribly. this feels like the last shove i’ve been dragged around by every single person that i’ve let into my life and entrusted with my love",4.653842224187052,5.927141938992044,5.1611258473327455,82.92943609391888,69.92838196286472,8.237705079084389,27.490814421848906,8.626192665926032,1.8952042243835343,1529,51,300,25,27,489,199,377,0.132,0.773,0.095,-0.9273,2,1,1,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,3,3,20,18,0,4,12,0,34,7,2,3,1,44,59,23,0,1,4,5,4,4,2,2,4,3,1,1,17,24,0,1,5,0,1,6,8,8,0,11,11,10,44,10,48,44,7,60,0,3,1,1,30,26,0,8,30,209,61,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805575647921885,0.08332039724490158,0.0,0.06433464661020016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323246491049652,0.0,0.0,0.15116805193223182,0.1237198810851187,0.0,0.14712200009584306,0.0,0.06845575906845444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936016188692493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387252492911512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049374881113648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277028557976108,0.06778134173861931,0.0,0.2169058078276499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135437054451025,0.057472433609122874,0.07724318828664223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820764189693295,0.12430864283553188,0.0,0.1260930826232527,0.0,0.04572074375333179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21342106251570145,0.0,0.07206606575850995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053922942338991336,0.08499827068889437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557627524105122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822640548778031,0.1136463274527048,0.15721231894477114,0.0,0.07103751067565033,0.07119440224908337,0.06755648926505982,0.0,0.08781905496861016,0.06839444870512906,0.07260792370955353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763201471428189,0.0,0.0,0.0810731791967526,0.08534315889352982,0.0,0.1884406517434606,0.12842647076537134,0.0,0.059138913422672884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555790601703231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725699714403916,0.24473887649215065,0.0,0.09438899615468233,0.0893285530099098,0.0,0.0,0.05577286935381122,0.07024453832146993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274319143473374,0.0,0.06870259035655395,0.0,0.0,0.08054299565591742,0.0814181898811598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996435233272144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06193319550185568,0.0,0.0,0.056941871416581274,0.0,0.12849257246192486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18258403790445996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932293448473822,0.07031554608722773,0.07406618197533907,0.09199988552889224,0.09340692391382864,0.053446417204095986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246373099389074,0.0,0.0,0.08938125779058619,0.10923851880606718,0.0,0.3143460294656341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04745061719063305,0.0,0.12906188875585567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713495089162147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,acheybreakything,2020/03/19,"Pretty sure me and my partner of 5 years and I just broke up by text 5 years. Covid-19 lead us to being a part for a few weeks. I had asked if he could move in with me temporarily once we’re out of self isolation in 14 days time. I can’t go back to my family home as my dad recently has a heart attack and I don’t want to risk getting him sick, so I’m alone (other than my flat mates) for the considerable future. I got angry when he said no, admittedly, but I still think my point is valid. He says that that I need to think about things rationally and that I’m making everything about me (I have underlying health issues, I’m right off the bat not at risk but I do have some coronary issues as a result of that health issue and I’ve been a smoker since childhood so, while I could be absolutely fine I really don’t want to risk it and find out the hard way). He’s refusing to talk to me and I’m so angry and so scared and I really, truly feel abandoned. I’ve been meds free and pretty much not been to doctors for the past 10 years but I’ve never felt more at risk. I literally just feel so alone now and so useless and well, what’s the point. Sorry for venting here. Everyone’s feeling with their own stuff rn but I just needed to let it out somewhere. Sorry again. Stay safe, everyone. I hope you’re all holding up okay.",1.0247235023041483,3.0422137240143385,3.014350998463904,91.19866935483871,82.01075268817205,6.279621095750128,18.924859190988226,7.447530270364453,0.3320321556579615,1035,25,233,16,28,348,159,279,0.174,0.703,0.12300000000000001,-0.8999,0,3,1,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,1,1,18,16,1,5,10,1,17,5,1,3,3,54,39,27,0,8,10,1,5,0,2,0,4,2,1,2,10,17,0,4,9,0,1,3,7,9,1,0,7,7,27,8,35,27,7,36,0,3,0,0,17,14,0,3,17,144,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22243951591946495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039163770505387,0.122167350028769,0.0,0.08257338949458606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147834802844927,0.0,0.0,0.06925524053161296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991436630785796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20522430724885804,0.09651182761304644,0.0,0.10123418931808452,0.0,0.16289312761552788,0.0,0.10310763017640412,0.0,0.09814907728992343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05610487785095486,0.0,0.06103007453310804,0.0,0.08588658551891111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619697764057522,0.0,0.0,0.2282931016204517,0.0,0.12725321066108505,0.0,0.0,0.10771715379560384,0.1066587659069362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362500021465601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980970536425602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168114862647662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928190341068555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413457775077285,0.07894124193309375,0.15925107156727406,0.08282288792976092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436284018812888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628883249131194,0.10251231645516057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030294129504119,0.0,0.0,0.21850082291500128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758874940451962,0.0,0.1060309561746412,0.0,0.0,0.09170726164690897,0.10214890481258727,0.08539784769027271,0.10751235925907764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202726769895552,0.0,0.0,0.08883100687984971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404202061978044,0.0,0.1144594429413906,0.0857587894524419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293155211028416,0.0,0.0,0.1012102597128972,0.0,0.0,0.08631299146209392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134264576034739,0.13761753220403442,0.0,0.0,0.06261777973572677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917242380569127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667837248711772,0.08523819836915078,0.08613876375949787,0.0,0.09655312573448736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20745965201413172 bpd,IceARF,2020/03/19,"DAE get immensely sad when a Movie ends? And feel left behind? So I just watched „The perks of being a Wallflower“. The movie itself is sad enough (however, a great one) and I could totally relate to the main character even though I never was abused sexually. But once the movie is over, I felt so sad and left behind. Almost as if I had been abandoned and am not a part of something once again. It also happens with books, some make me cry, especially if a strong family bond is demonstrated there. Then the book is over and it’s gone. If that makes sense, English isn’t my first language.",3.31657894736842,5.3811127631578985,3.968280701754389,86.91663157894739,74.87719298245614,7.3670175438596495,23.68070175438596,8.238735603445708,1.3428343859649123,461,14,92,8,10,146,81,114,0.131,0.782,0.086,-0.6575,2,0,1,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,9,6,0,0,9,0,11,0,0,2,2,22,18,16,0,4,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,2,2,0,1,3,4,0,2,5,3,7,2,9,11,5,11,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,5,6,68,11,2,0.0,0.22775106413204815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19248208190561145,0.0,0.0,0.15371947687517354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15347323929661802,0.0,0.2111463092683331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702512087826271,0.1986162100493009,0.0,0.12696049841528367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18120933798167774,0.0,0.09719297408582,0.0,0.1845627996922984,0.0,0.0,0.1635035232894678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042780844493053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119248999608126,0.0,0.0,0.16998085175282954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4176984790725199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25661870907183065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825308319826272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4094192821573406,0.13025427395463432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081571699478057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798151408892124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18885666348065205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,makingitIguess,2020/03/19,"BPD partner cheated, trying to understand why. Greetings everyone. I apologize in advance, because I know I'm going to do a bit of rambling here. &#x200B; As you can see from the title, it's been rough lately. A month ago, I found out that my partner of 10 years had a 2ish month fling with someone she met in a 12 step program while living in a sober living house. This was about 3 years ago. She had just gone through so much awful stuff. It's hard to explain how bad of a time she was having. One of the worst things that happened is that she was sexually assaulted when she was using before rehab. She never told me and I do believe it was a factor in why she cheated. She felt as if she had already betrayed me and was seriously hating herself for it. As I'm sure some of you can imagine, the amount of shame and self loathing she is capable of is truly staggering. But I love her. We've been together for 10 years. We have a deep connection. I think of myself as pretty mentally healthy, but very sensitive, so I think that is why we connect. We are very compatible in so many ways. There is a lot to our connection, and if there wasn't I know I wouldn't go through all of this pain, I would end it. There is the BPD stuff, which obviously creates so much chaos, but I do understand her, and I do know who she is underneath all of the pain and desperation. I also believe she is capable of being healthy. She has her best therapist ever at the moment, and she is finally accepting her diagnosis (most days). I want to be with her. But I'm having so much trouble accepting what happened. She says the whole thing was terrible and made her feel terrible. She says that she really just wanted the emotional validation. I know that is at least somewhat true. But damn, we have had such passionate love making (sorry if tmi), and the thought of her doing that with someone else just really fucking cuts deep. Like it has actually made me lose my mind and be inconsolably upset a few times, and feel like I'm a worthless loser. I've melted down a few times and really lost myself. I know I have my own stuff to work through. &#x200B; So, apparently only happened 3 times. Also she was on this medicine called vivatrol which, from my perspective, seems to destroy her sex drive. So that does give me some hope for it not being some passionate love affair. The thing is, I know how passionate she is. I know how intensely she loves. She swears it wasn't like that with him. That it was just a stupid thing that didn't make her feel good, and it was done out of desperation. She says that she was mainly just seeking validation, and that she felt like she lead him on to the point where she basically had to have sex with him to keep him strung along. She says that she felt like such a fuck up, that she figured it was a matter of time before I left her. The thing is, from what I know about her, she doesn't do something unless there is a thrill to be had. I guess I can handle it if it was some fucked up mental game and not genuine passion and love like what we have. I know that when we are together the intimacy is real. She says I'm the only person she's ever allowed herself to be truly vulnerable around (she has immense sexual trauma), and that has allowed her to truly feel good about us being intimate. &#x200B; I want to lay this to rest in my mind. But I'm haunted by imagining it. Is her account possible? probable? Most likely bullshit? I oscillate between thinking all of these things. I just want to feel like I'm the one she really loves. I'm the one that has made her feel truly sexy and wanted and given her pleasure. I'm the one what actually cares about her. I don't want to feel like I can just be replaced. I've generally had pretty good self confidence, but lately I'm just questioning everything about myself. Also, as you might guess, it's really hard to talk about this with her. I can tell she really is making a huge effort to be there for me. But sometimes I just don't know if she can handle telling me something that would really hurt me. I don't know if she believes she could survive telling me that she actually did feel passion towards this guy. &#x200B; Anyway... if you made it this far, I'm impressed. If you want to comment, I'd appreciate it. Don't try to tell me I should leave. Maybe it sounds naive and dumb, but I love her and believe in her and I want to try. She's been my love for 10 years, and I'm not willing to give up on her so easily.",3.532291466922338,5.073071868008952,4.675420901246408,84.28944966442955,73.04921700223714,7.972106104186643,26.52981783317354,8.591530228387361,1.825785541706616,3526,123,712,64,70,1158,314,894,0.135,0.6729999999999999,0.192,0.9959,3,0,2,0,0,0,121.0,8,5,0,9,44,63,12,2,34,1,92,21,0,14,9,160,181,63,0,22,30,0,14,9,2,6,3,6,0,6,62,39,0,1,37,1,1,7,13,28,0,4,42,21,132,35,91,123,25,61,0,5,1,18,115,28,5,22,34,520,194,3,0.0,0.0,0.12515416716645125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579099542111555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04717593963695827,0.1025620256312688,0.0,0.1852794166582888,0.20778482500613812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0380567664843364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035694654692095984,0.02606014218845672,0.0,0.07275459063010922,0.192659470044118,0.04486372679435227,0.0,0.04667217675135506,0.0,0.10768483121742027,0.0,0.0436527625381844,0.0,0.04358670658751187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03413257843102413,0.0,0.0,0.0275703604143952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03741101260134934,0.04374832579426393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035712329894865086,0.04808825246356891,0.037864013057797886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734005742449496,0.0,0.04084967486368656,0.03842114836535818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292639817249764,0.09162231425043207,0.12314076899956836,0.04683078514665398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04687341842372415,0.0,0.1185656907218318,0.0,0.08201982825890725,0.048591879490393904,0.10757058889751682,0.0,0.0,0.09418839166507977,0.042329446889783455,0.11341165627603182,0.0,0.0765916145541515,0.0422069995315052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04246062239963678,0.0,0.04932802334313066,0.04576500324282549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037998366890413186,0.0,0.0,0.2584384801611274,0.0,0.09644823847955232,0.04526631879408345,0.0464482477948729,0.0,0.0,0.1879704179793581,0.0,0.07549846906847893,0.0,0.0,0.047826570034196665,0.046666923869583966,0.03634471507311572,0.308669998718928,0.16180519751956488,0.08560832742964826,0.043342021266629324,0.04294835003553064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616434970274582,0.045351236133180116,0.08633108709636386,0.0,0.06824564823874676,0.0,0.09427900942724543,0.0,0.03297161129261027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587464347813844,0.06502694956845685,0.09097851338967597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03732785012630603,0.0,0.0,0.040412783543873454,0.04819445871713025,0.0,0.08698470169717601,0.04609197630464205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04789003919629912,0.0,0.0,0.04865911866678668,0.19170823512062327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998348582441994,0.0,0.0,0.034066396816076726,0.038918201974361966,0.08919562254036988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244425888967176,0.06582242818527792,0.042281068601024416,0.047855380220295216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468163494328392,0.0,0.0,0.040291583950898005,0.0,0.0,0.034361013907218935,0.1494623342177289,0.0,0.0,0.04963630966806396,0.17040811133691325,0.08217785974924764,0.0,0.03393890577598275,0.12464000864130645,0.0,0.0,0.04084967486368656,0.0,0.0870737958163694,0.0,0.0,0.08900899000737499,0.05142326057330302,0.03692247103888665,0.0,0.07054683051298308,0.20172153670216975,0.033933141117869235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572629416077893,0.04772910285038967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031122675128311437,0.0,0.0,0.06073707079799112,0.0,0.20778482500613812,0.11011898081298713 bpd,blisteredbatter,2020/03/19,"I feel so incredibly unlovable I got out of a 3 year relationship about a year ago and was, at first, super psyched to have freedoms to meet new people and try new things. I was dating around and having tons of spontaneous sex and partying pretty much every night with my friends. Around two months ago, I went on a really fantastic date that I expected to just be nothing special. I truly hadn’t felt that good about a date since I met my previous significant other, and it seemed like a mutual attraction. Randomly, the person that I went on the date with stopped texting me back, and this was a person that would constantly be on their phone, definitely seeing my messages and responding back instantly. I cracked and asked him what his deal was in an aggressive manner, the kind of BPD episode that scares the shit out of people and ruins all types of relationships. He apologized and gave a really valid excuse as to why he wasn’t messaging, but the cat was out of the bag that I’m fucking nuts. He hasn’t been the driving force of a conversation since the episode, and he posted about another girl on Valentine’s Day. I think they’re just friends, but it stung to see it. Is this just my life? Like, I just have to be this way forever and that’s that? I want to be in a stable relationship, but I hate putting people through my shit and most people get scared of it and run for the hills at the first sign of my mental illness. I hate my BPD so much and it makes my life essentially unmanageable. Fuck it, whatever.",8.406632653061228,6.929666193877555,8.212925170068031,73.58326530612248,62.2312925170068,12.20952380952381,35.96598639455783,11.20814326018867,3.7952476190476174,1207,44,236,28,14,389,159,294,0.122,0.736,0.141,-0.1967,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,1,3,13,20,7,2,20,0,18,8,2,1,1,42,38,21,0,3,7,0,2,2,2,1,3,0,0,3,20,22,0,1,4,0,0,5,3,11,0,3,14,4,26,9,37,19,5,39,0,1,2,3,27,13,4,3,21,155,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17730530441784711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486899384231686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780598481171095,0.09349566135631818,0.0,0.0,0.15380272376691248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519176806440229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807506314983396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449804648986297,0.10310571093639953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426256870391949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05056795912808789,0.0,0.09602509028239782,0.0,0.0,0.17013656719053813,0.0,0.0,0.15453464461964128,0.1849148945301562,0.05225099201391354,0.0,0.0,0.08388347412911609,0.07998697200576027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19747794204092306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041448153147248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412797567781923,0.0977194718073762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675731715128289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078635442855567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982686708976204,0.0,0.14703741848514865,0.0,0.0,0.1931801733679919,0.0,0.09385242113228412,0.0,0.09596209903152787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773368077523673,0.1746493971515924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578174179271294,0.1017459193431874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053747048016046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12813767575500662,0.0,0.0,0.3221192882076768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20025451048896495,0.0,0.15938972233661575,0.09104516453595804,0.0,0.0,0.2053172421576329,0.16545827774181426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361266976814773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644206629908796,0.06408224072129508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790008843072316,0.0,0.09769504123566436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058988370376135676,0.07938312305212647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18542017050657655,0.09024328770332003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104409150091384,0.0,0.0,0.12880606269085976 bpd,EvilWinterElf,2020/03/19,Anger issues Can someone give me some advice on how to deal with anger issues. I’ve been so angry over the past few weeks for various reasons. I just need help finding a way to make it stop for a while.,3.4007142857142867,4.345254785714288,4.19857142857143,89.89642857142859,72.57142857142857,6.552380952380951,23.523809523809533,6.42735559955562,0.5146095238095234,159,4,34,1,3,51,36,42,0.27899999999999997,0.6659999999999999,0.055,-0.903,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,3,0,2,0,0,3,0,9,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,7,4,3,7,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,22,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25900574591557896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27325697266903176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422527253477299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542620293283417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17765876793462673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5532908487603759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769242675560276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19653269886460384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530221243915981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725175994140934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22457769870391472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215953394833104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103859397237264,0.21260872598101324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,UndertheKnife23,2020/03/19,"Anybody else here clingy/dependent on certain people in their lives? My psychiatrist suspects a mood disorder related to dopamine. Bipolar's on the table, but she hasn't made her final diagnosis yet, which is alright since I've only seen her once. Just curious since a redditor from r/bipolar suggested I look into borderline personality disorder. Does anyone here have any experience being dependent/clingy on certain people? Like you always want to see them, talk to them, get hugs and affection, and hear from them that they love you? And when they do, it feels like heaven on earth. But when they don't it hits so hard you start crying and hyperventilating. I can feel this way for more than 5 people at the same time, so it's really exhausting and depressing if all of them happen to be busy and don't reciprocate my affection.",7.806615497076024,8.40376508552632,8.15324561403509,66.68883040935674,62.618421052631575,12.0187134502924,34.65204678362573,11.645159339076185,4.389282748538012,671,27,112,20,9,221,106,152,0.11800000000000001,0.653,0.23,0.97,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,3,8,0,8,11,0,0,4,1,9,4,0,3,3,22,22,13,0,2,4,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,6,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,7,18,8,16,17,3,14,1,1,3,2,19,7,0,1,8,73,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202310629476544,0.0,0.0,0.11607125503112875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934651138618968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874888148529928,0.0,0.0,0.1470102362965105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3912382533586207,0.0,0.14936708154801473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425849267571956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16696210937261885,0.0,0.0,0.17260633715581586,0.12193697998405703,0.0,0.18697643334320027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917556195450545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093566424757746,0.0,0.15289970975807576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19237374036073526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16677556686387476,0.0,0.15071746528581026,0.0,0.14333192040086434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404934825398442,0.16150572018949955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18177333114568264,0.0,0.129813188732828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35499324599522025,0.14903504733327974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934480669720276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601337995033133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823838233295546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208113072503732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718966714541486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952745483398008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006740900856326,0.13548134370333126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BPDOCDADHDBP2,2020/03/19,"Which meds are breaking me out?! When I’m in a good headspace, i take great care of my skin. Even when I’m not in a good headspace, my acne never gets too bad. However, after a stint in inpatient and now intensive outpatient It’s like we’re throwing darts at the the wall for meds and now i have cystic acne. These are my meds and dosage *Lamictal 50mg *Adderall IR 7.5mg 2x/day *Cymbalta 40mg *Zyprexa 2.5mg *Trazedone 50mg Anyone have an acne reaction to any of these meds? It’s hard to be able and practice self care when my face looks like this.",-0.2699535603715191,2.0170207456140403,1.516522187822499,96.13379256965945,95.9298245614035,5.138493292053664,19.863777089783284,6.794906146795322,0.4159603715170288,431,15,95,7,17,140,75,114,0.012,0.773,0.215,0.9732,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,6,0,5,2,2,0,1,7,12,7,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,7,7,11,11,0,15,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,0,9,48,13,0,0.16571834727610688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269415887202168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587412155894915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836789791555915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33792179919374554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106874624456276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945540544891223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658099667921819,0.0,0.0,0.2779933744829323,0.0,0.18270506290906705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845108875872404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192322744411186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391616744796551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7363029011863804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278122056313834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172880378037577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245995732488474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,liz_salanderp,2020/03/19,"Does anyone have a successful longterm relationship? (Success Stories) I've been reading about BPD relationships for the past month and there is so much conflict/turmoil involved. Even after joining these Reddit groups, I see than many people complain about being terrible partners and not being successful at maintaining healthy relationships. It is in fact one of the key traits of the disorder, so I'm worried and quite honestly scared. None of us want to hurt our partner, but it happens and is often the cause of them walking away. I have been looking and looking for an answer to this and of course, therapy is important but is it possible to have a non-BPD partner be happy in the situation... Please write about how you got there and spread some positivity about having healthy relationships. This community needs some success stories.",8.876245210727967,10.13997127586207,8.02712643678161,66.20773946360154,60.3793103448276,10.85823754789272,41.628352490421456,10.746095033038511,4.985812260536398,685,37,101,16,9,213,96,145,0.078,0.728,0.19399999999999998,0.9728,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,2,1,1,5,11,10,0,1,8,0,14,0,0,2,1,20,22,12,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,6,7,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,4,0,1,3,3,6,6,20,16,4,8,0,1,3,0,15,4,0,3,3,76,12,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650145131018764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966715564631948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476434730407608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177671134297035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581741218015136,0.0,0.12077554659899775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115586239151327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038109224810523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204387447259635,0.14691672393151087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774508620378254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317912468007047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992287150745925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016014932378873,0.0,0.1014549647695354,0.1023344164578901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935207471671817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174841438669754,0.09568039329612484,0.0,0.0,0.15149612734014067,0.0,0.15558819956651734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467931335189677,0.13804970846370002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5926945013659644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817444917023333,0.0,0.1099779826855482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551316755346771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782916196692595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601187649808113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814032659166636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015825122390493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheCuntInTheRye,2020/03/19,"Recovery going down the drain. I feel especially strange these days. My college is all fucked up because of the virus, so I'm likely withdrawing; my ESA cat is dying from FIP; I'm getting next to 0 support from my friends in any aspect of my life; said friends are all moving away because of the school situation; my mom, who was more or less saved by her boyfriend (and who I really like) just dumped her. There's more, but those are my major stressors. SH/ED TW: >!I self-harmed for the first time in a long while, but in a completely different context. I really just wanted to feel something physically. Meanwhile, a few days ago I binge/purged out of boredom and apathy, and yesterday I hardly ate anything at all. I'll be the first to admit that since I started medication, restriction has been incredibly hard, so I've gone from a restrictive eating disorder to bulimia. The binging is a product of my BPD, and the purging I guess makes it bulimia? I don't know. Point is, I was surprised that I've finally been low enough to restrict that low. !< I cut my hair, bleached my hair, dyed my hair three different colors in the past week, flirted with a guy who I'm probably going to hook up with, flirted with a girl who I'm interested in dating, abused sleeping pills in several nights, binged, partied and isolated myself all in two weeks. Now that I'm pissed off at my friend, who is my roommate, I've been locking myself inside my room. I'm a mess, but somehow, I still feel nothing. My mood stabilizers work too well, I guess. And now I'll have to save face at another party tonight with all my friends. I don't want to. I want to be with my cat, I want my mom and her boyfriend to fix things, I want school to open back up, I want everyone to stay here, I want my roommate to apologize, I want to sleep normally, I want I want I want. All out of my control. It's all about control. I'm so tired. /vent",5.37572674085121,5.581755245382588,6.06132384994838,80.95547550762879,67.78627968337733,9.651990363657225,32.837099919697145,9.54385415503706,2.850983159343812,1494,62,305,29,23,489,197,379,0.185,0.715,0.099,-0.9781,2,0,1,0,1,0,66.0,0,0,0,5,15,22,4,0,16,0,18,14,7,3,7,56,53,15,1,12,6,2,8,2,4,0,4,1,1,2,14,15,2,5,5,0,0,4,2,7,1,4,8,10,46,14,49,43,13,50,0,2,1,1,19,23,2,4,24,185,60,4,0.0,0.10027288993943756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501952244255468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057551404673471286,0.0887420922110881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964340319813699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951281258322816,0.06507536210065311,0.0,0.10317950890606313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658871238399507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873310301630001,0.0,0.18983982086513115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915889204858256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783273521065252,0.17684099006978782,0.09699348489316108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659777226580094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744556889936081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086773588815045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837464137261054,0.0,0.0,0.09270819357343003,0.0,0.14397272616921256,0.0,0.0,0.26154017846808325,0.07823921075409936,0.04421576084148975,0.0,0.09619453006787976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18645930491046134,0.0837971548806001,0.0,0.0,0.15162398422216408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04651051764069372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059776778360351286,0.08269203374820343,0.0,0.0,0.07489502035184092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05649128286013426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525597344377593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19823561967784284,0.0,0.08994845701257867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000512554326599,0.07941966357451825,0.08291957915626454,0.08120491223392552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078905509302972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000284744092613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124561649033157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843248343417196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050265357340212,0.0,0.0,0.1713004617083648,0.0,0.0,0.08828770449267212,0.09560798145233204,0.0,0.07000693533176132,0.09512783542623396,0.16938253947723,0.0,0.0,0.06515242478387047,0.0,0.0,0.05990165636472735,0.0902044804124021,0.06758574779466008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960372922784943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056224511728171535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04934852154165875,0.09726990881061512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826713601442316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5490876123298295,0.0,0.1357704044090249,0.0,0.07609266929188625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161175776325047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,heartlesschick1995,2020/03/19,"Therapy? I’m not diagnosed with BPD. I was first diagnosed almost a year ago with bipolar 2 then a few months later they changed it to bipolar 1 with major depressive. Recently I come across an article about BPD and I basically know without a doubt. To know what I’ve been experience (splitting) is a thing. Like holy crap there is a word for it! Anyhow, the whole reason for this post— I seen my psychiatrist today and explained to her about why I think I have BPD. I asked if I should and how to go about changing therapies to see if I would benefit from it. She recommends CBT. Ive read online DBT. Anyone do either? She upped my current meds (all of them). So she might think I’m bonkers. Who knows😂 also if this is allowable what kind of meds are y’all on? I currently (newest prescription as of today) take vraylar 4.5mg in the morning, hydroxyzine 50mg PRN X3, and trazadone 100mg at bed.",2.4828315054835532,4.710786355932207,4.003921568627451,84.90095712861418,78.09604519774011,7.78052509139249,26.230973745430376,8.671277953709913,2.0803103356596884,703,28,140,16,17,233,122,177,0.032,0.903,0.064,0.63,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,2,1,7,6,1,1,8,0,12,5,1,3,1,30,25,12,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,0,9,8,0,0,6,1,0,2,2,3,0,1,3,2,20,3,24,19,5,19,0,1,2,0,10,5,1,7,13,90,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506518179580152,0.0,0.1299819527351062,0.0,0.0,0.1038058066488087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076336927094274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135108203791067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49045831678959206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27463506036546753,0.11181637017857908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118017125813763,0.26350070339769416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697517012630585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104129123388049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377173787328467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351729678547932,0.1426759593635454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634166520027341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883703937364804,0.0,0.0,0.1377036467547133,0.0,0.0,0.10360990613372972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431826073430967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298411215263663,0.0,0.0,0.1334621811757118,0.1281677593417649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034385713234135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759795306869876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968889341007296,0.0,0.08623733466626858,0.16634887946952867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460818093338544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712971971737725,0.14492375686361614,0.0,0.12512834625263125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221045395015676,0.0,0.0,0.08359080439577267 bpd,youwillneverknow6666,2020/03/19,"Some advice? Please? So I have been talking to this guy for like 4 months now and I’m already really attached :/ it’s gotten to the point where if he doesn’t message me or leaves me on delivered for a bit it ruins my whole day and I feel awful. It’s weird because I like him and know that he is just like that (he reassures me really well, even tho obviously that’s never enough) but I don’t know what to do:/ I don’t want to tell him I have bpd (just yet) or have him even thinking I’m like obsessed with him but to some extent I guess I am :( I guess I just really see how this could be something so good and positive for me so I don’t want to ruin it even though it is sort of killing me. I guess I just don’t know what to do anymore because at this point every time I do talk to him I feel kinda fake and stupid knowing he has no clue how much I was thinking of him and subconsciously relying on him. It’s just so confusing because even though I am doing all of this I am soooo self aware of how toxic I am being and I even get these moments of clarity where this isn’t bad at all and this is just normal. I think I have trouble with letting things flow and feeling like they arnt gonna fall apart at any second ? I would love some advice because I genuinely can’t keep feeling like this it’s draining me and I just feel so awful. At the same time I don’t wanna loose him :( idk anymore I think either way it’ll hurt",0.7946448087431683,2.68777373770492,2.689754098360656,93.88632513661207,82.11475409836065,5.640437158469945,20.330601092896174,6.742157984588678,0.181227322404371,1110,31,254,12,30,370,143,305,0.192,0.6709999999999999,0.13699999999999998,-0.973,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,0,28,21,2,2,3,2,32,1,0,3,4,62,58,26,1,7,13,0,5,6,0,3,0,0,0,2,22,12,0,1,13,0,0,2,10,11,1,1,3,6,43,10,25,48,12,22,0,3,1,1,21,11,0,12,14,180,65,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888020618691129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660572950774723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569453387714567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19161188127233006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066092021189834,0.2355574040882145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546735239577157,0.0,0.12167028444154478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771310216949891,0.0,0.0,0.062302063454090464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981851739430074,0.0,0.3190325884354899,0.0,0.08139365745009562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24423128837220984,0.1380288868297518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050471987868681435,0.0,0.0,0.08102747001435345,0.0,0.0,0.31926302735741285,0.09565387780447313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341736898450032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586672896456822,0.10687882830722084,0.0,0.2123657480908425,0.0,0.0,0.10229046785944748,0.0,0.09878488875301754,0.0,0.2831771688248053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718954684266562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710897940993076,0.0,0.07101559717802584,0.0,0.0745075286670268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465213113157743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604299136722872,0.18264540374976154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856624046823527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698146793102037,0.0,0.10077980940060063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743710462225283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529445655535873,0.08443679816357683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417989467692263,0.2476016589634796,0.18982732722564527,0.0,0.11266199803807543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395995364929395,0.07668034364970677,0.0,0.0,0.08685926032492701,0.0,0.0,0.10785573890572656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862523343902825,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,a1true1idiot,2020/03/19,"Anyone else love drama? Causing drama or just being in the sideline watching is like getting high for me. I don’t really do it for attention but I just get really happy for some reason when something happens and people start fighting or gossiping. I don’t really hide the fact that I love it either, it’s just exciting",2.770913348946138,5.576421360655742,4.831522248243561,75.94409836065577,81.29508196721312,7.420140515222482,25.107728337236534,8.418075326091056,2.467274473067916,257,10,40,6,7,88,43,61,0.122,0.613,0.266,0.9153,0,0,1,0,2,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,2,0,5,2,0,2,1,13,11,5,0,0,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,5,5,4,10,2,4,0,0,1,2,4,2,0,3,3,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684154451106081,0.2467903143188178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474303507663809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20120826010717646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516796140099749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21299237641782084,0.2564007599801311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254482619269608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767240198611975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4347724831476899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698252520088008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4629047152669541,0.24764497868123994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18542638201118386,0.0,0.0,0.1704824870760358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,livipup,2020/03/19,"I absolutely hate how everybody attributes violence/shitty behaviour to mental illness. It's like, we already suffer so much stigma that it's hard to even acknowledge to ourselves when there is a problem, but now anytime somebody online speaks of a family member/partner's shitty behaviour people immediately jump to ""they obviously have some undiagnosed mental illness and they're going to abuse you instead of getting help"". It's just so awful to be constantly reminded what people think of us. Personally nobody who gets to know me would ever guess I have a personality disorder because I'm not like the stereotypes. They think we're all monsters, but that isn't the reality. They just don't know what they're talking about...",8.466453488372093,9.621309627906983,8.9018507751938,59.96114825581398,61.24806201550388,11.411240310077519,39.38081395348837,11.20814326018867,5.108076744186047,598,30,84,16,8,199,88,129,0.23800000000000002,0.726,0.036000000000000004,-0.9813,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,2,1,3,0,12,5,1,0,5,1,7,2,0,2,3,21,17,7,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,0,2,8,2,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,2,9,2,11,15,3,6,0,1,0,0,12,0,0,2,6,58,17,0,0.0,0.2186440221950427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20363916855994008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249093772482432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19941698074846625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114933126647033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218837511877022,0.16692264225685746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739633519018089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928240384940801,0.0,0.10487559987503224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20328631410712392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653072819163508,0.18219029357227806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369004658670678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028314264698413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803091431105194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719361324438563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356545959668131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25586692822802154,0.32225801636798623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17657525275905026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832239393194538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364853943507821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219731097753236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108850288145105,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,siblstudy2019,2020/03/19,"[Mod Approved] SIBL study - looking for young bisexual people for online research! **Trigger warning: discussion of self-injury** Consent to contact form: [http://man.ac.uk/9YjBjj](http://man.ac.uk/9YjBjj) Bisexual young people have been found to be a high-risk group for self-injury, but it is not yet known why this is. The SIBL study is being conducted by Sophie and Brendan, who are Trainee Clinical Psychologists at The University of Manchester. [Ethical approval letter](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1k8PU1is7XOu6NkDmg03HoejqvQBVWkh0/view?usp=sharing) The study aims to increase understanding into the reasons why young people who identify as bisexual (and/or as attracted to more than one gender) self-injure. To investigate this, Sophie and Brendan are asking participants to fill out an online survey once a week for six weeks. If you are… **- Aged 16-25** **- Identify as bisexual and/or attracted to more than one gender** **- Have had non-suicidal self-injury thoughts/urges/behaviour within the last 6 months** **- Have regular access to a smartphone/computer with internet access** …then you may be eligible to take part in this study. As a thank you, for every survey participants complete they will entered into a prize draw to win a £50 Amazon voucher. You will be asked whether or not you want to be entered into these prize draws. You will also be asked whether or not you want to be sent a summary of the study findings. If you are interested in finding out more about this study then simply click the link below and fill out the ‘consent to contact’ form. Following this, Brendan or Sophie will be in touch with you to discuss the study and answer any questions. This will be by phone if you are from the UK or email if you are from outside the UK (or prefer to not talk on the phone). If you have any questions please feel free to email us at: [sibl@manchester.ac.uk](mailto:sibl@manchester.ac.uk) **If you'd like to find out more information please complete the contact form:** [**http://man.ac.uk/9YjBjj**](http://man.ac.uk/9YjBjj) Thank you for reading! To see us chatting about the study see video below. ![video](iq5k13r39nn41 ""Follow us on social media! Search SIBL study on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram"")",6.10089257599612,9.905593690807805,4.709963061644665,75.19492400387551,77.27298050139277,7.021460578902749,28.417161196560496,8.112205042999317,2.667157151507812,1801,74,255,35,46,525,179,359,0.011000000000000001,0.8390000000000001,0.15,0.9952,0,0,0,0,0,0,141.0,3,14,1,5,4,10,0,0,22,0,30,1,0,2,0,50,47,25,0,9,18,0,2,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,10,14,0,0,14,3,1,8,4,0,0,3,4,6,18,11,59,27,9,36,0,0,4,0,40,18,0,14,11,175,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149819398720201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860595633844544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28581909848092324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137034998925289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586441721203142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051529266279454436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794344372601878,0.0,0.0,0.11174015696435212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767457222780366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830710710658665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04978856938536222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557957737107164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813443920112286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085318944536067,0.13811506911433416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035968740648952,0.0,0.21195677750559608,0.0,0.0,0.22373536067599029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22832729836128204,0.0,0.10193858370054013,0.0,0.0,0.10478148653294132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624197532609093,0.0,0.4252616172815572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388543577985372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147409879247124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662439288060706,0.08191220560742442,0.0,0.18765192270631206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060929504303936,0.36775917361969496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021950250369592,0.0,0.1634937222848093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839176617833828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,notlivingnotdead,2020/03/19,"Why I want to end it all Why I want to end it all I don’t find joy in life. If anything, I only enjoy sleep and sometimes music. I don’t have friends, only acquaintances. I struggle to get past small talk and can’t connect with other people. Even if there is the possibility of getting past small talk, I don’t think people want to listen to me in conversation. I’m not interesting or good at relating experiences/stories. Plus my thinking tends to be super negative and I don’t see why people want to be around me. I don’t have any talents. I don’t have any real hobbies. I never travelled anywhere for leisure. I don’t have opinions on things. I have a very negative self image. I tried working on myself since at least high school in terms of being more social and outgoing but I graduated college recently and I’m basically the same. I used to think I just had anxiety and depression but I suspect I have a personality disorder or something else that’s super hard to treat. Now I have to sell myself and act like I’m this great person in order to get a job—why? Then what? I don’t see the point in going anymore. I don’t care about the consequences of me being dead for the people around me. I am open to whatever comes after death. If I go to hell, reincarnate, restart my life from scratch, experience nothingness—I’m open to it all. I probably would have been dead by now if suicide was easier. I attempted suicide for the first time this past month by partial hanging but I wouldn’t pass out soon enough and I had worries about being found out too soon and I told myself maybe there is hope. I still think about suicide constantly and often browse suicide-related forums during my free time. I am writing here because I can’t genuinely talk about this topic to anyone in real life. I also wanted to type out my thoughts. I know they are self-indulgent but this is just how I’m thinking. At the same time, I know that these suicidal thoughts keep me from taking action to really live my life. Like I am barely living in case I don’t end up committing suicide like I keep imagining I would.",2.5725486037469096,4.930484130434785,4.138386944739015,83.3772799575822,78.46859903381642,7.1308118298574295,25.556498173677397,8.176038313617813,1.8180464946388601,1666,64,316,32,41,554,203,414,0.18600000000000005,0.6829999999999999,0.132,-0.9885,1,0,1,0,0,5,38.0,0,0,1,5,21,19,1,1,10,0,39,5,1,2,5,71,75,24,8,13,13,0,2,3,1,3,4,1,0,3,13,20,0,2,13,1,2,8,17,3,0,1,8,5,53,17,52,59,9,55,1,1,2,0,13,24,1,9,25,216,66,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059189738036035486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066542391350504,0.0,0.05662124302216012,0.0,0.07340295347560721,0.05175298207151602,0.0,0.060908006898320176,0.1317780157816827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04511883359818274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546318617117355,0.0,0.0,0.06375733567006987,0.0,0.07998387917301998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374897795515315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482755832820653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06183000300909894,0.0,0.19666586147073187,0.07647724076028897,0.0,0.04888618407300092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240083478454752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764833399160884,0.06295708851085369,0.0,0.08115358507041384,0.0571837757159893,0.0,0.11600928771470385,0.0,0.08412881668470534,0.062080238158682736,0.0,0.08160175643961881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630286755717739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820087061446658,0.0,0.07351355731946352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344842867393424,0.1315757972717937,0.0,0.0,0.08135337445369405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20911582499053005,0.1084799147661361,0.0,0.1307131341872381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435797719583999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05907803619060908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05708490124947181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258342704961173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119669673916792,0.2052506200319578,0.1292540191260134,0.0,0.0,0.06996806244453514,0.08344074823106172,0.0,0.0,0.0798006470594657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16849046043451307,0.04741587965066021,0.0,0.07308084533045499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490709259091477,0.11796068326250768,0.0,0.1544274939861175,0.0,0.0,0.061225941069910826,0.0,0.07406841430180207,0.07544893240866815,0.0,0.05698033346946527,0.07320268956199208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059108443928188224,0.0,0.0,0.07737650821628841,0.0,0.4048017742801542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565003983383488,0.1784712674474242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04917225165535514,0.2371289939420369,0.0,0.11751922388890475,0.1294761579325718,0.0,0.0,0.07072446763283335,0.0,0.050251300444312315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392516260234199,0.0,0.06107009477876878,0.21827971001215346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671479621466969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05388377354543292,0.07516578625797339,0.0,0.10515621022933076,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,6toobroke6,2020/03/19,"I have an unbearable rage when I think of my boyfriends abuser/ex. I can’t get my boyfriend’s abuser/ex out of my head. I get so angry when I think of them that I start to shake and split, but I can’t do anything to stop it :( It will get so bad that I can’t move or speak, and all I can think about is getting back at her for what she did to him. I hate feeling so out of control when I spiral into anger, and I don’t even feel like myself. Does anyone have any advice when it comes to trying to calm down??? All advice would be greatly appreciated :(",2.7497689075630234,3.1107819915966424,4.093602941176471,92.20746323529413,73.62184873949579,6.622268907563026,22.43802521008403,5.985473137389443,0.11537731092437033,423,9,102,2,8,140,73,119,0.248,0.657,0.095,-0.9713,0,0,0,0,2,0,16.0,0,0,1,1,10,8,3,1,1,0,13,1,1,1,2,19,25,12,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,2,5,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,1,3,20,3,16,21,2,15,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,8,72,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38100878565516505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257373531262368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631465263948794,0.0,0.16042851002933212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990570394334668,0.16277639637785776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679334932444062,0.0,0.0,0.21865473402399024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060341019191105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287636563932205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971467168959246,0.1392734222171687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40741654232102464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214934765854989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192474289075604,0.20007652799680425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952434771731144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072026390914717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798770648157155,0.0,0.0,0.1629882204059276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37475123341057504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235930163953005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848798365365664,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,confessionthot,2020/03/19,This guy showed a little interest in me and I went crazy It’s crazy for my normally calm and cautious self gets when I get attention. I went from never sending nudes in my life to basically sending nudes and videos of myself masturbating DAILY to a guy that I didn’t even find cute. I was so turned on though and wanted him to fuck me badly. Honestly I’m such an embarrassment. All I need is a compliment and some mental stimulation and I’m at 100.,2.305333333333333,4.629208644444447,4.305555555555556,82.00500000000002,79.22222222222223,8.0,23.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,1.8816666666666684,358,12,71,9,9,122,65,90,0.16399999999999998,0.6890000000000001,0.147,-0.1513,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,1,1,4,0,3,4,2,1,2,15,13,9,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,6,0,0,2,2,0,4,2,3,0,0,4,0,12,5,10,9,2,11,0,0,0,3,6,5,1,1,2,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18916525862103686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963846666117256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20706858517676552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094478827193849,0.23673289650589915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44865321361208815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16002359357523974,0.0,0.2270691848155842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22831571892251135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16798881348579298,0.17473438057099416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219773195929393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23634789510163895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225906631962925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24642847249391975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336289249358832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4200403891178857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,IHeartRadiohead,2020/03/19,"My mother wants me to be depressed and purposely makes me cry at least twice a day. This is normal to me. I’m like a scared child. She makes me feel deep emotional pain on a daily basis. Several times a day actually. Every time she says or does something to me that I have pleaded with her not to do, my body feels like it’s being electrocuted, and I lay on the floor and sob as if I’d just received news a loved one had died in a car accident or something. She witnesses this, and smirks at me. And does it again later on that day. She purposely breaks things I buy, throws out my things, lies to me constantly. I find this normal and so I trust nobody in life and instinctively want to hide away in the house. She is a born-again Christian who is seen as the sweetest, kindest lady to people in the church community. She buys gifts for all, and will make cakes to take to elderly housebound friends. She is Irish, and charms the socks off everyone. I just wanted to write this down. For anyone who has been raised by someone who has damaged their brains, but is held accountable for nothing EVER because they are sweet as pie in public.",4.8346130952380975,5.684810258928575,5.194714285714287,84.41695238095241,69.17857142857143,8.473333333333334,27.43333333333333,8.648137234880735,1.7956033333333337,894,28,182,14,15,284,141,224,0.085,0.83,0.084,0.1706,0,0,2,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,2,0,5,12,0,1,12,0,15,5,2,3,2,34,28,17,1,6,7,1,2,2,1,1,2,1,0,1,13,11,0,1,3,0,3,3,1,5,0,2,4,5,26,7,32,21,2,29,2,3,1,1,21,16,1,3,11,121,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.1378538363359157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877546737693167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272270757082824,0.0,0.0,0.0861135667506852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15691308425297515,0.0,0.15769797188293125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265680800804235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517248975234274,0.2733118708312852,0.0,0.12167096156160713,0.0,0.14661031413405629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472431430005029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158903620268028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778188525149564,0.11902148745511495,0.13498434420192928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285521568047135,0.10091943240370682,0.0,0.0,0.12911325183268227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914065135259596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630003397571483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977933890267897,0.13802946037296726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749678391235988,0.0,0.28288557925800417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27681855788294474,0.13554715862247646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572452419586593,0.0,0.15031545547610706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793506147648626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233925085442673,0.14143047188450986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958874741668524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196930062485033,0.2175047251175718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621337117416632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769979795645536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16474500601448552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499644988057786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,guccieyebags,2020/03/19,"DAE have a lot of bitterness/hate on hand? What I mean is, I feel like I'm very quick to be very mean/hateful/suspicious very quickly. I want to note I'm not diagnosed and haven't been in therapy properly in maybe a year and a half/two years (lol). but i feel like!!! I have so many negative emotions that I try to keep at bay but at the slightest motion, they immediately rear their ugly heads. The main one being suspicion, I'm always suspicious of others, their intentions and ultimately I know that they are not permanent people in my life. I've come to somewhat accept this. What makes me hate myself more is being so quick to hate or judge someone. I'm not necessarily someone that seeks out conflict (my family fight constantly and I avoid them for this exact reason) but I get a surge of such fierce anger out of nowhere? It's becoming more and more frequent. It makes me self isolate more (but i guess this is good for now). I try to calm myself and rationalize by thinking ""I like this person, they are nice to me and I am nice to them"" but then something happens or something is said and my brain ""trips"" (so to speak) and I spiral when I cant control it. I dont know if this makes sense AT ALL, I'm just a horrible bitter person because maybe its hereditary.",2.663975155279505,4.738180746031745,4.041773636991028,85.5998447204969,76.85714285714286,7.39848171152519,24.845410628019323,8.321376580360154,1.609033609385783,996,35,201,19,23,328,140,252,0.191,0.705,0.10400000000000001,-0.9833,0,1,2,0,1,0,37.0,0,0,7,1,10,14,5,1,7,1,16,5,3,6,2,46,39,22,0,2,12,0,3,3,0,0,2,2,0,3,15,12,0,4,8,0,0,3,7,6,0,1,2,6,31,8,25,34,8,22,0,0,0,0,13,9,0,6,13,135,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213956824120543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748285317138785,0.13557003381623922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703192348797175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057400520737836,0.0,0.13265139548151822,0.13767690122557588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459078243307388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438645294900382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807957372270416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571974114644125,0.0,0.1241342849958546,0.17538822819941566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413289804263181,0.0,0.0,0.10295862502192928,0.0,0.0,0.13522526089499842,0.0,0.10854926343077256,0.0,0.0,0.24238454112424976,0.12597905325731446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091076933261836,0.0,0.0,0.13492267141818284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867034278940668,0.1799114049509382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435943306883293,0.0,0.0,0.2458139099056424,0.1244513475575028,0.24664193690516295,0.2674260132921069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317998969110506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510083985733387,0.21436477182572167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620958778094934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676534284443983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805719596107198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20801488666533074,0.18900110441946294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037770722571394,0.0,0.0,0.07865457959971063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666812162055675,0.0,0.11991095053600492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30384997745864084,0.07240236017004881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580966363973734 bpd,AtlasRover96,2020/03/19,"I ruined it. Hi, I am a 23 year old male, with BPD and some episodes of Dissociative as well. Last night, I fucked up so bad with my favorite person, someone for whom I would do anything at all. We had a small argument (which was my fault as well, but something I had not realized), and after that I was the worst I could have been. I hated her in those moments, for things she hadn't done. And it was over. I wouldn't want her to be like someone like me, I hate myself. Entirely. I know in the middle I couldn't take the stress of fighting with her, and I fucked up so bad by switching off against her. I feel dead, stressed and hollow now. I wish there was anything I can do to rewind this, anything to make my favorite person look at me again. But I can't, and it hurts. I don't know what to do to cope with the loss of my future with her.",2.514641460234678,3.419475118644069,3.4533333333333367,94.55436766623207,74.6497175141243,6.350108648413732,23.784876140808343,6.297961479604792,0.33115332464146,644,18,153,4,13,206,100,177,0.264,0.614,0.122,-0.9868,0,0,1,0,2,0,27.0,1,0,0,1,7,18,5,2,6,0,22,2,0,1,1,28,34,12,1,6,3,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,3,10,12,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,14,2,0,9,2,32,4,28,20,3,19,0,3,1,2,13,10,2,1,11,117,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.366289076352478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477665009805264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18686757211666488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846184814292215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183463321471902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502063154124809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27433245098733244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929704932297161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883379204321266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630811990315552,0.1209418387673419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497275775550475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459393282630048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903852516576753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392357537543629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568998222591984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25910296358654233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514278495765355,0.114222933785094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399160336045236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155622349041364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857083142385333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751282186408624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266805969383043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17061886346544913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053982146713206,0.0,0.0,0.09554579951440567 bpd,maryescaro,2020/03/19,"That one time I went full BPD mode! This event happened about 2 years ago. Went out for my friends 21st birthday at a Restaurant/Karaoke Bar in San Diego. At the time I was healing from binge drinking and alcohol abuse. We all get drunk but out of the group of 6 or 7 (I don’t remember exactly how many) people of course I WAS hammered before anyone could ever even get. I think everyone saw how I was acting & stopped drinking lol. Don’t remember much of the rest of the night. Next thing you know everyone’s packing up to leave, saying their good byes and what not, taking their last pics. Someone asked me if I was good to drive, clearly and obviously I was NOT, my drunk ass decided to say YES I’m fine, I drink all the time, this is nothing (this is me trying to look tough with my alcohol abusing/binging issues hahhaa!) My friend then took a long pause, and said, “yeah she’ll be fine.” For some FUCKING reason the lack of care in her response got me so heated that when they asked me again if I needed a ride home, I said no just to prove that I WOULD be fucking fine. They all leave we say our good byes again. They ask me if I’m leaving now and I say no because I had just orders food to go. As soon as they all leave I wait inside and get two more shots at the bar. 10 minutes later I’m pretty much blacking out left and right. With my food finally in my hand, I walk back to my car alone on the street, puking as I’m walking, vomit running down my leg. I finally get to my car and book it home. Thank god it was 2 am and the streets were practically empty. An hour later I’m in my bed thinking how am I still alive. Very thankful that I’ve learned why I did the things I did. With more responsibility on my lap I feel restricted to act that way, but deep down inside me that’s all I really wanna do sometimes. Is just not give a fuck! Everything still makes me so fucking mad, to this day, the same way that triggered me that day at the karaoke bar. But hey, you gotta be an adult sometimes. Life can be a living nightmare with BPD.",2.909958530805685,4.10955175829384,3.8697126777251203,90.80703347156401,74.07109004739338,6.791587677725119,25.035841232227487,7.1686216300943375,0.8649973933649279,1590,50,353,16,32,512,228,422,0.092,0.7440000000000001,0.16399999999999998,0.9906,0,1,5,0,1,0,49.0,3,2,6,0,19,17,5,0,19,3,26,22,3,6,10,65,65,26,0,8,13,0,2,0,2,3,5,6,3,1,17,18,12,3,10,9,0,13,7,6,0,2,17,11,54,11,44,40,14,66,0,0,3,5,30,22,5,5,30,215,71,2,0.0,0.09038599592978808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762260720961351,0.16305227470877506,0.0,0.07900890499990464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265544704284987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05334068545706686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139502956595678,0.0,0.0,0.05865893979431175,0.0,0.04650301132067513,0.0,0.06491345149301761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921581581925068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777828283561039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060907867259635415,0.0,0.0,0.09839583937754713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241926222433413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050385938422462535,0.0690047187759788,0.0,0.14578837512815662,0.06856060433081615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03857230609922209,0.0,0.0,0.16713435529876686,0.0,0.0,0.18448977054975868,0.0,0.11787617530904893,0.28209933867632664,0.15942437011101038,0.07318012646403117,0.043354880907664116,0.1919542985259957,0.061012586257260665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745912970033502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304141147615655,0.0,0.07512597789811723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796223769444331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041924586602651366,0.062182969261885615,0.0,0.32310186492519843,0.08288455901009081,0.0,0.053882795727118564,0.0,0.0,0.0673616079374322,0.06751038100897941,0.06406071525057205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05092124965928993,0.07734165420309112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215742955895378,0.05656482721868185,0.0,0.0,0.08113063177821217,0.07158889499372306,0.0,0.07319811836566639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05169311643117108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05288684982376272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760990977134942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04887052727939385,0.07843433186417419,0.0,0.0,0.1728334931013337,0.06514751026418665,0.14513020463691398,0.2426615759332951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463656581191951,0.0,0.1508968752038968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218436035656178,0.06377820160590132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05735729907018426,0.0,0.0,0.1404671155898334,0.0,0.0,0.10136156425303362,0.09776150144263472,0.0,0.0,0.13344829105552095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475614062174353,0.051792934503843716,0.0,0.07451997470123453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294363312100719,0.0,0.1211039628363431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414350845291878,0.06883591461295836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05419112202992343,0.0,0.0,0.049125443889901546 bpd,Little_potato_poops,2020/03/19,"DAE feel like they can't tell side effects of meds? My state changes so fast, life is complicated, there are many cause-and-effects at play. I don't know what it is for sure, and then it may change, but I can't monitor my state cause I'm not even sure of what I'm feeling. Anyone has any advice?",1.015238095238093,2.8474825079365083,2.178015873015873,98.14892857142858,81.06349206349206,5.469841269841268,20.02380952380953,6.42735559955562,-0.1765428571428571,230,6,56,2,6,73,46,63,0.0,0.828,0.172,0.7998,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,2,2,11,13,4,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,5,4,4,12,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368251177401376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16480874802229808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945926118496613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24896389050345416,0.5127559146255711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007225677769182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450825083241804,0.17313744909024115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319119186964226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17118150387938527,0.1184017195651622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457084956403117,0.0,0.0,0.2692001975176025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4568307702420353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21182771489595356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Weird-Birthday,2020/03/19,i couldnt cum for my pwbpd now they have been splitting for weeks and i dont know what to do advice please,1.2512500000000024,2.5580616250000037,1.8733333333333315,103.005,78.58333333333334,4.800000000000002,16.166666666666668,3.1291,-1.3256833333333335,85,1,22,0,2,26,20,24,0.0,0.892,0.10800000000000001,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4617364806380234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.553784410288379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259682050505107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.518679903656738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790232704698547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bluegummisharks,2020/03/19,"Uncertain diagnoses? I still don't know if I have it and I still don't know if I want to have it. Will it give me an excuse to behave the way I do or will it make me feel better about how differently I behave/react compared to my peers? I've been in the hospital (psych ward and ER) 3 times the past 2 years for attempted suicide and all 4 of the psychiatrists diagnosed me with it within the day, one of them even saying ""textbook borderline"" But my psychiatrist at school says I don't have it as of DSM6 but also ""most students I know have some degree of it, it is just a personality trait"", she's also claimed herself that she's not a diagnosis or pill pusher. But she's also recently left the clinic team this year for ""personal"" reasons. So am I allowed to say I have it? (Often for self referral to therapy)",4.253454545454545,4.926499072727271,6.13636363636364,77.7845454545455,70.39393939393939,9.636363636363637,28.93939393939393,9.800150414767053,2.643484848484848,637,23,129,15,11,222,103,165,0.040999999999999995,0.938,0.021,-0.4406,2,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,3,11,2,0,1,9,0,14,4,0,4,1,27,21,16,1,3,9,0,1,0,0,2,4,3,0,3,11,4,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,1,1,1,1,4,20,1,18,18,3,13,0,0,0,0,14,4,0,8,8,97,31,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773968610521351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912592454021985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145048729708936,0.0,0.0,0.3193281171118401,0.0,0.16435312121613532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390028761818547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953952676644414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509039312475788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25935668220165964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17091533451356164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050041470125521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659580496539116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016805051138649,0.0,0.2747101255222774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16173857022368865,0.1553224288865689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752923184930425,0.0,0.15920384485759967,0.0,0.0,0.16410629450391748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25125235038313976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17206915030739073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989512569657293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172741613324577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278418874997572,0.12486357269857447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20260207150399429 bpd,slejla,2020/03/19,"Do you think those that suffer with BPD are unsuited for specific jobs? I work in a highly competitive field, sales, to be exact and I am fucking terrible at it. I’ve been stuck in a sales role for two years, bouncing around between different employers because I keep getting fired for poor numbers. Before you ask, getting sales jobs is easy, it’s been my primary experience unfortunately and I just can’t seem to get an experience anywhere else. Anyway, to get to the point, do any of you feel that sales jobs and high energy, competitive jobs are unsuitable for those with BPD? Or maybe it’s not and I just suck..",4.910134099616863,6.740932810344829,5.81425287356322,76.33381226053645,70.0344827586207,9.638314176245213,30.13026819923372,9.994966539143718,3.147694636015326,490,20,90,13,9,161,77,116,0.15,0.777,0.073,-0.8851,6,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,0,1,4,4,2,0,4,0,10,1,0,0,1,16,22,5,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,3,0,5,0,2,4,0,1,3,2,9,0,16,18,0,8,0,1,0,1,5,7,2,2,1,56,16,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949354189521206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024394101104872,0.13677697168956754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918717840439468,0.0,0.12449618669272727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685362184051823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528593138093251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222043588775028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862319636213567,0.0,0.0,0.07397704036449693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352581442134554,0.3057567528487637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091620258176323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5807471150520587,0.1300440765987862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698469905087266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383070786675195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319208305022828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374739637956812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292034192235387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651298672960573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421668842455774 bpd,layingwithdandelions,2020/03/19,Question about the term ’favorite person’ PTW. Sorry if I use the wrong terms or my phrasing is off. Plz feel free to correct me 🙂 I was wondering if anyone was willing to share via comment or pm how they found out that their bf or close person was their ’ favourite person’ (a behaviour of BPD)? And how (with what they know now) they know the difference btw their ’favorite person’ and someone else?,5.663599999999999,6.6868908266666685,5.206666666666667,84.45000000000003,67.4,7.6,31.0,7.554174236665415,1.9534000000000007,312,12,58,3,5,95,55,75,0.055999999999999994,0.853,0.091,0.4137,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,6,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,3,1,20,11,9,0,2,5,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,5,0,0,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,10,3,7,6,2,6,0,0,0,0,14,3,0,7,3,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964242342688565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515287407849899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20865526262846407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683273340173896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097977284514638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21897256612870092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195116475987824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.697519012275646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223721783634839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921429889071682,0.0,0.0,0.2235598717203641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724859953270566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21657782576403695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21835239078440388,0.0,0.0 bpd,friendlyfire69,2020/03/19,"How to use coping skills when dissociated? More and more these days I get severely dissociated instantaneously when I am faced with stress. I lose the ability to understand spoken language, read, or access my memories. This has cost me multiple jobs because I wake up and am so dissociated that I don't understand what work is or what I am supposed to be doing. What can I do in these situations besides riding it out? My therapist is at a loss for how to help me too. She gives me coping skills and grounding techniques but none of it matters if I get too dissociated to think.",6.319200524246392,7.2210327155963325,7.695701179554392,67.62266055045872,65.88073394495413,10.999213630406294,33.92005242463958,10.914260884657429,3.92615753604194,462,20,83,13,7,159,73,109,0.085,0.8809999999999999,0.034,-0.5221,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,5,7,3,0,1,2,0,11,2,2,3,0,16,18,12,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,3,1,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,14,0,12,17,3,9,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,3,3,65,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486461832562147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325970632271926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24831672048801465,0.2279682710465529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928671012853893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23582344085452306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658610902321329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23770673730784905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26846830129003063,0.0,0.0,0.2671200457778904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722185982401985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759211750710046,0.0,0.1522716722124455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.494788296691601,0.0,0.2052467571361275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730065178129462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Yuri_anon,2020/03/19,"I hate having a FP. There's not even a logical reason as to why he is my FP, it's not a close friend from school or a crush, it's literally a fucking Discord friend who lives in Israel why is he my FP wtf Like there's a very low chance I'll ever see him irl. I'm not romantically attracted to him (already have a boyfriend) and we have a sorta sibling relationship but I'm so worried that he only says we're that close just to make me happy. Idk why I overvalue him so much but I love talking to him and it genuinely KILLS ME when he leaves me on read and is online, we recently have been trying to talk more after a period of very little message exchanging and aaaaaa why am I so dependent on someone who lives more than 5000 miles away from me And it's like his words can set my whole mood. One time I drew him and he loved it and it made me super happy. One time he said I was making our friendship weird because I wanted to see his face again (i wasnt trying to be pushy about it I'm just obsessed about him, fuck) and god that hurt me so much I wanted to isolate myself and die. It kills me when he's sad and I want to help him so much but I'm literally just an AI that generates words. I've written so much poetry venting about my feelings I have about him and god it's so tiring I hate having an FP so fucking much",1.4647183098591547,3.0851232464788763,3.5073014084507044,90.1503746478873,78.85915492957747,6.515830985915493,21.571267605633803,7.404127859558343,0.6083708732394362,1038,29,234,14,25,353,139,284,0.188,0.664,0.14800000000000002,-0.7916,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,3,0,0,1,22,23,7,1,11,0,15,7,1,5,1,39,37,26,3,3,10,0,1,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,15,15,0,0,3,1,1,0,4,12,1,2,6,5,37,10,23,30,8,19,0,3,2,5,33,9,3,3,11,147,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239661596827648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956936483907878,0.0,0.0,0.06208825550005528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057066730176546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672725255749844,0.09213129404735147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051499615364695335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738176694599665,0.28248260680397985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21684747000968851,0.0,0.20111624501907585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826949237524622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903506181021644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253690993130546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784694674762424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951984020106047,0.10208282591792196,0.17987500618715302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18385146948806305,0.09637516913934567,0.1359744872187428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743660326997871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803559509040672,0.07746331217225516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187992631078464,0.0,0.0,0.10472119328310787,0.10056692150880574,0.10935132133917093,0.0,0.0,0.09688492175415107,0.08099708760093774,0.0,0.10308002961624296,0.16232629386187544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629917716731499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373014354905194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878186459747507,0.11706430888712367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830213825927315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16807773364910336,0.1802254888910748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676236641620824,0.1137145266182028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343601928210233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ialessan,2020/03/19,"Anybody else without friends? I have two (2) online friends, and I'm very fond of them, but they have lives of their own and can't always be around. I get that. Offline, I have my mum and my dad and absolutely nobody else to talk to. I try to befriend people but they always seem to leave, or find others to be better friends with. Every single one of my childhood friends left that way. The loneliness is killing me.",2.362682926829269,4.616919597560977,2.941646341463418,92.22881097560978,78.63414634146342,5.0756097560975615,24.88414634146341,5.985473137389443,0.5768487804878051,325,12,66,2,8,101,56,82,0.243,0.695,0.063,-0.9444,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,4,1,1,7,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,12,10,7,1,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,12,6,11,8,2,4,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,2,1,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30967100602499165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565282997899153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457480291860607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108960144925933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678248762655475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17007598577958982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5750673491354402,0.0,0.0972203985103003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20587265766858387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19703444363980327,0.20217912359824372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643142102656356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260942822274502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900613908000044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940247136867198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495660225631897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633776702960453,0.0,0.18177551229807026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353750725687398,0.0,0.14770358534178382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937683895104392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,samoyedpal,2020/03/19,does anyone notice a correlation between BPD and being adopted? just curious. i don’t have any significant (memorable) trauma so i’m wondering why i have this shitstorm of a disorder. i don’t know if my adoption has anything to do with it. or is it just natural/genetic?,2.768235294117648,5.62123788235294,5.7720588235294175,68.81926470588239,81.94117647058823,9.674509803921572,33.990196078431374,9.725611199111238,4.7075725490196065,216,13,34,8,6,78,41,51,0.122,0.792,0.085,-0.4137,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,0,9,11,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,10,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228170792629458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23460923286514335,0.0,0.27611125391795555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4225862275299104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845445728654369,0.0,0.2936231315877414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18439761350560585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820012651954716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027621595510842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363866197042228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nope707,2020/03/19,"I want to go OFF on people Type out some hurtful shit, burn the house down, hurt myself and others, break everything, ruin all. But instead whenever someone talks or messages me I'm all like ""uwu I love you all!!"" I feel like such a fraud Just lmk if this isn't the right sub to post this and I'll delete it",0.65674107142857,2.828783156250001,1.9882142857142888,97.09250000000002,84.625,4.9071428571428575,18.517857142857142,6.1826913282559595,-0.28475178571428605,238,6,54,2,7,76,53,64,0.24100000000000002,0.623,0.136,-0.8774,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,1,0,0,3,7,1,0,3,0,1,2,1,0,3,13,6,5,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,6,3,6,6,4,8,0,3,0,1,4,5,1,3,2,32,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362298308414979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329032821971516,0.18777786642283212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938194146528852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032900135957345,0.5627660512230231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568274211912693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372295750045899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18222493383115795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517346572474376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22446980273387507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698085491773396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22270931181191544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112663688668748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550339022896236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Adjnor,2020/03/19,"Just got diagnosed today, resources/tips for next steps? Hey all. Heads up, trigger warning, mentions of self harm, abuse, and suicidal tendencies. So I had a particularly rough day today. Coronavirus has not only infected people I know, but I’m now out of work and financially panicked. As a result, I self harmed and had to go to the ER for some treatment. Staff sent a behavioral health official down to talk to me, and he came to the conclusion that I have BPD. He set me up with an official psych evaluation in the coming days to confirm, but I’m apparently pretty textbook. I also have PTSD from childhood sexual abuse and he thinks that played into what I’m dealing with. I have no idea how to process this. All I know about BPD is the less than positive stereotypes and the fact that there’s not really any good treatment. I would love some resources that have helped you, or tips and stories from your own experience. Hope y’all are having a good evening and staying healthy.",5.184526397515526,6.969312375000005,5.504192546583855,79.00913043478263,69.27173913043478,8.9527950310559,31.077639751552795,9.424239791934726,2.9128118012422366,783,33,142,17,14,249,122,184,0.158,0.7140000000000001,0.129,-0.611,1,0,0,0,2,0,24.0,0,3,0,2,8,7,0,0,10,0,11,5,1,3,3,35,24,15,1,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,6,14,0,0,5,1,0,5,3,2,1,0,5,1,13,5,24,18,6,20,0,0,0,1,15,6,0,4,7,91,19,4,0.0,0.3408706077725667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503448229453984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782096786608843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623408001302441,0.0,0.0,0.16452277310196484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239115486002062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553897219305093,0.14830005461777845,0.0,0.14600178919735174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500965982936972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407100761632427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175162785384693,0.24130426301120125,0.11504767494869465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14762863526309888,0.15290275186499247,0.0,0.0,0.09641768599970386,0.0,0.0,0.14287263786715831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16238587862151865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810922000528188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982763339039888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298303392427054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940220953260896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972547437883128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634422534594935,0.0,0.0,0.1681495744005459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215214240064984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001278162765467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332188032356092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734539155378122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156188585864082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921714201152236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727004823014731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472240965319653,0.0,0.0,0.10218486012239396,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jenvfhdiozb,2020/03/19,"How to not lash out to my therapist? So, I've been seeing this therapist for the past two years. At first everything was awesome and I felt really understood. But, for the past few months I've been secretly hating her. Usually, it goes this way: I spent the week angry at her, obsessing about every time she made me feel misunderstood, every dumb thing she said, etc., then, I go to our appointment, I smile, say some jokes and we talk about some useless topics like uni. The thing is that I know how I work. I always end up hating people I'm close to. I then spend months months pretending that everything is fine while secretly keeping track of everything I hate about them until the day I brutally lash out to them. I really don't want this to happen this time but I don't know what to do. I'm really afraid of telling her how I feel. I'm note sure why, maybe it's because I believe that if I complain during our sessions or if I tell her that I'm angry at her she will reject me and cease to be my therapist. Because of the virus our appointments have been cancelled and I've refuse to do online sessions with her (because I find it harder to contain myself when I don't have the person in front of me). She will check on me by email and I'm really afraid that the next time that she will try to contact me I will just end up telling her to fuck off. (obviously not a native English speaker)",3.647913912896119,4.94248307117438,4.704016268429079,85.17005931198102,72.38078291814945,8.341704795797321,25.48059650906627,8.841846274778883,1.747740077952889,1097,34,226,21,21,359,143,281,0.147,0.8059999999999999,0.047,-0.9803,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,4,0,2,2,9,16,6,3,9,0,18,1,0,4,2,39,41,19,0,3,8,0,3,1,0,4,0,3,0,1,16,10,0,3,9,2,3,2,5,12,0,2,9,7,45,4,34,27,4,35,0,2,1,1,31,11,2,5,22,149,61,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748622517063448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192280011187692,0.0,0.0,0.1184585665586104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780762707269207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18624848121739898,0.0,0.11726066520244305,0.0,0.0,0.17717264772539953,0.0,0.2834834431873274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632549359222628,0.0,0.1009524143109323,0.0,0.09609750799098063,0.08943338230637114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720170525209387,0.0,0.0,0.05975438829456638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297636034827053,0.0,0.0,0.31141665626488785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345467570061833,0.0,0.0,0.1155661357843171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05136686971671636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948751419025127,0.0,0.0,0.10562885863023228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517690408586873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181927322516942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20073908836909884,0.0728919395898256,0.09180558044023036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694255781195672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001372878423706,0.08361281203477046,0.0,0.0,0.08378423409397234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990947037922678,0.0,0.0,0.08450882693734267,0.2756951505453909,0.0,0.0,0.3662324675464973,0.13970280027801227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839267190690926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713842375867448,0.0,0.10270805525870244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157986065284876,0.0,0.062015233604315365,0.08345649979693913,0.08433824104387558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948739307842777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654432937710963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770773642746161 bpd,pinacolodaz,2020/03/19,"What’s next I just stumbled across a video on BPD and now I’m in a state of shock. I was diagnosed with bipolar last year and yet every single symptom of BPD is what I’m going through! It is scary to see it in words. I never wanted to accept that I have a mental illness. In my eyes it’s normal, as normal it is for my blind dog to be blind. She knows know different or what she is missing being blind is her normal. Just as much so as my brain has always been this way and I just thought everyone else’s worked the same. I knew I was a little weird but not clinically mental. It’s hard to accept and with this information what do I do? Can I be fixed. What’s next. I just feel like everyone wants to hurt me and have been too many times. Now I lost my job because of this virus so I’m just in a bad spot.",1.6414285714285732,2.831681457142857,3.4450000000000003,92.6275,77.28571428571428,6.371428571428572,20.5,6.868970318607317,0.15054285714285687,625,14,148,6,14,210,98,175,0.19,0.7909999999999999,0.019,-0.9733,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,11,9,0,0,6,0,18,10,2,0,1,31,32,12,0,5,8,0,2,1,0,0,8,0,0,0,14,7,0,0,8,1,0,1,2,6,0,0,7,7,19,3,21,22,3,19,0,3,5,0,4,7,0,1,10,101,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177856370966506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819305146443745,0.08629100781111823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35656876100381896,0.15802291598192628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436760007697933,0.0,0.14789552128350206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182515780468783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926673683619678,0.270524971602449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157478779059195,0.10112738164770757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044933566248529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680605427943445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153824655844567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047213606763306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155590561869651,0.11538674451196802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915693828878235,0.14187594509973925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452470915277094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351520680976948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28530959345774304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405968726850738,0.0,0.10917644067406668,0.0,0.3010920704561817,0.0,0.4160834333403617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128015224358534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713051668080512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237937085060726,0.0825422354296199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698637495297314,0.1123602827675606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030541960661136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091157194814682 bpd,cleeerrr,2020/03/19,Hi there I’m diagnosed with BPD and my boyfriend doesn’t get it I really am about to sound dumb but I really don’t know how to put in words what’s wrong with me because sometimes my boyfriend would do something and it could be something wrong and it would either send me in a angry way and I say things I really don’t mean at all or a I’m about to kill my self way and I just don’t know how to explain it to him and I told him there are groups for people who have to deal with people with BPD but he won’t go to them and that’s before this virus became a thing but just in short can someone please give me a good simple summary of what BPD is and how it can cause dramatic reactions at small things and that I just don’t mean to be this way,2.88289911308204,3.2602475670731716,3.9672283813747238,93.17422394678495,73.32926829268294,7.670953436807093,22.226164079822613,7.686295010490155,0.521519512195121,587,12,144,7,11,191,85,164,0.131,0.828,0.040999999999999995,-0.9489,0,0,2,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,0,10,5,2,0,4,0,18,1,0,4,1,35,29,16,1,3,8,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,15,13,0,0,5,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,1,2,16,1,21,22,2,13,0,0,0,0,14,7,1,1,0,97,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900732133024715,0.0,0.11028614653357026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48970704001895504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314225452129105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348077045889237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361929019202726,0.0,0.13154853846545653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771439138841763,0.12433099711891725,0.07365873542007619,0.10870833603860867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339111885112502,0.0,0.14245741044648388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823603842051293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17970657037054366,0.0,0.0,0.14226974059594752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029099281947146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490889950577263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306881511424924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520853340585262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981572547142852,0.1995558465016703,0.12818479457978674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25831571279069343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384519489003346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086283909722847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841384146906312,0.28341016521182005,0.0,0.0 bpd,betateeth,2020/03/19,"I’ve started making my boyfriend into my FP, and i don’t think he’s okay with it Recently, my (f19) boyfriend (m20) and i have been more separated than normal (i’m stuck with my parents and he’s with his grandparents because of the virus). that means we spend way less time apart. i was under the impression i wasn’t making him my FP.....but now that we aren’t together, i’m realizing how dependent i am on him. recently, hes been more distant. i’m sure he’s stressed, i only ever see him on breaks from work, when he’s tired, or late at night when he can sneak out (when i’m at my most nervous abt being caught. that’s a whole other issue). i’m sure it’s me and my disorder making a mountain out of a molehill, but i miss him constantly, and him not being able to be as hands on with our relationship is hurting me a lot. furthermore, it seems like my attempts to be sweet are off-putting to him. i don’t know what to do. i asked my tarot cards (don’t judge me), and they just told me to calm down and wait for things to go back to normal. but of course, i can’t do that. i need it to be solved NOW. i don’t know how to open that communication with him, without him thinking i’m absolutely insane. what do i do?",1.078096627756164,2.8507361400778244,3.095199416342413,91.94425178339823,80.59533073929961,6.462321660181582,21.992380025940342,7.492282038375204,0.6592854734111548,936,29,218,14,24,316,134,257,0.076,0.843,0.081,0.2909,3,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,3,0,1,2,10,11,0,2,6,1,25,2,1,6,3,46,50,16,0,3,6,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,13,18,0,1,7,0,1,2,9,4,0,0,7,3,40,7,32,38,6,30,0,2,1,0,23,12,0,5,15,142,53,1,0.14857388658381496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388965279554414,0.0,0.0,0.11424414786424936,0.0,0.0905692622485354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055558955691146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702785458629345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439358643059435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443796363214197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590514184661859,0.0,0.0,0.15507253688592754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330464504731088,0.0,0.16759781548953165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258569622796181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631220532109655,0.0,0.0,0.2975226689694997,0.0,0.0,0.1618405184171276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016565432901763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394265278878124,0.2911417272582349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129971357427315,0.0,0.0,0.16497371851727527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935779239956468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933975778285732,0.15951275196614953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839415168135888,0.13525608630097022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516136162962177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17019088510299618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800582596110437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870588843644693,0.19040029474461165,0.0,0.0,0.0866346280665686,0.17076382652645186,0.0,0.14196871562486785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793103562505387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587743849145348,0.0,0.14321992479529094,0.0,0.10816355893946622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cryptidgf,2020/03/19,"DAE force yourself to be cold towards someone to punish them even when you don’t want to & feel terrible right after? I often go through this whole shebang in my head where I get angry about a small or stupid thing, and so to punish the person I completely shut myself off from them despite the fact that I can hear myself thinking that I KNOW it’s dumb and I want their attention/love. If they react accordingly and leave me alone I start to hate myself. I don’t know how to listen to the voice in my head telling me that I’m going to regret treating them like that, but the emotions from whatever I made myself upset about cause me to steel myself against them. There is this resolve because if I treat them normally and act like nothing is wrong, my emotions feel invalidated and it will build up even further. I get angry at the thought of giving them love when they have caused me emotional turmoil. Does this make any sense to anyone else? Sorry if this is typical BPD stuff this is all new to me",6.699266266728195,6.4843758071065976,6.4889616982002805,80.43798338717122,65.04060913705584,8.991047531149055,31.61467466543609,8.296473431620573,2.2247807106598985,802,27,154,9,11,252,122,197,0.15,0.7170000000000001,0.133,0.2479,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,9,1,11,16,5,2,6,0,10,3,2,6,2,30,31,14,0,7,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,3,0,1,13,5,0,0,7,0,0,3,2,10,0,0,2,6,34,6,25,27,2,19,0,1,0,1,16,11,1,5,7,109,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776979455334235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412836069328944,0.0,0.09045894364270138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930114811332144,0.13629588811791782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108845851956688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16753548208244548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732987272868867,0.0,0.0,0.13947014517776768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164077049757325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112210211192054,0.4488926695378276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571843034271648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451898078437807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899612149425702,0.12760600831449767,0.15119797029311371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131330846393533,0.27303615346752497,0.0,0.149924503986456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620989072024373,0.0,0.0,0.14085019135058288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997482968434232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200567815706381,0.12586782865988422,0.0887926507014405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847265579469286,0.0,0.0,0.13033248415621385,0.12763738124128246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614893751164243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359933547705275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270838891581265,0.0,0.0,0.14890628707507114,0.09415305478545677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15227739197642542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626634844130215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837334147817077,0.08523458190563661,0.0,0.10560393467209406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569186417238986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851336376722826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543774576119006,0.0,0.0 bpd,DrRobotniksMachine,2020/03/19,"Itching I have a constant itching and sensation that bugs are crawling all over my skin when I'm stressed out. Especially when I'm lying in bed trying to go to sleep. I hate it and don't know how to alleviate it. Does anyone else have any experience with this or similar?",4.24722222222222,5.635835759259264,5.8453703703703725,77.1991666666667,71.03703703703705,9.103703703703703,32.01851851851852,9.516144504307137,3.032385185185185,217,10,42,5,4,74,43,54,0.17800000000000002,0.8220000000000001,0.0,-0.8678,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,1,0,4,4,4,1,1,8,9,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,7,9,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21543556942537515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215146517759312,0.3246001012680406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423493764710256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772347232574768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26464661624597513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30989220453854266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18004533059062575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127754375251328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410556543393288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170298279427914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628945186950956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21508710945056972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SpookyRamahd,2020/03/19,"I feel terrible today When you are feeling so so bad, is it normal for you to feel that your favorite person should be with you no matter what, even when youre being so rude? I don't know how to control that.",7.018409090909093,4.636494931818183,7.471818181818183,80.67772727272728,65.5909090909091,9.70909090909091,31.09090909090909,7.1686216300943375,1.8211272727272727,163,4,35,1,2,54,34,44,0.255,0.637,0.10800000000000001,-0.8637,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,5,0,1,7,3,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,2,0,10,10,6,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,7,0,4,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025683633385532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4064348792701542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393455663064685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5496837452738003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19915206973901892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.355051000258276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164122644437334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34348955403962395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,boliviantribal,2020/03/19,"Have any of you been diagnosed with a psychosis before being diagnosed with BPD? I've been told by psychologist that my symptoms and thoughts were caused by a psychosis. That the things I've experienced, only happened in my mind. But now, they've told me that I actually have BPD. The same thing happend Ti a friend of mine who also got diagnosed with BPD, after being told he suffered from a psychosis. I'm curious if anyone else also experienced the same thing.",6.164922480620158,7.637111616279071,6.602325581395353,73.25643410852717,66.55813953488372,9.454263565891472,32.93798449612403,9.725611199111238,3.3390914728682173,373,16,63,8,6,121,54,86,0.039,0.895,0.067,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,7,0,7,4,0,1,0,11,14,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,2,6,1,10,4,2,3,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,1,2,45,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.13933169863943332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22836061428302776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709460966001404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983438995484957,0.14629394863756978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149440477073112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5394754210677695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667335355645575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4347530097387711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927352558718145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031069390420348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141934018351515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625898979004904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416607871946635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085898561651237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840204025883189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28456805097346843,0.0,0.0,0.11335056991212053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092943323293945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gellish,2020/03/19,"Extreme loneliness (cw: slight suicide mention) Lately I’ve been feeling really lonely, I don’t know if my best friend (long distance friendship) soon/possibly getting a boyfriend is affecting but it’s just so messy. I feel lonely but at the same time I don’t want to be with anyone, like I know it wouldn’t be good for me to be with someone so I don’t know why I keep having this feeling. Maybe I just want that feeling of being wanted? I don’t know anymore. It’d be nice to die.",2.9102040816326533,4.5233316020408205,4.1181122448979615,87.35635204081633,74.81632653061223,6.53265306122449,27.556122448979593,7.1686216300943375,1.4122816326530612,379,15,76,4,8,124,65,98,0.18600000000000005,0.598,0.21600000000000005,-0.2018,0,4,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,2,0,14,0,0,1,0,22,27,5,2,5,5,0,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,8,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,4,10,5,8,19,2,4,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989395734805529,0.14026296888824105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105154999735903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20818932550941247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4057140341548511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498171956700554,0.0,0.10480431247413564,0.0,0.0,0.1682523047926625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830095214297376,0.0,0.0,0.4409742346511957,0.0,0.2262835769101889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800217817281467,0.0,0.0,0.1775231493550529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20152791635465891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850838320888888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699662563732368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21942194014366606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697045970394207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35495415663654845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18100873033441364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,okisabellam,2020/03/19,"dissociation? do you guys experience much dissociation or derealization? i remember once a few years ago i had gotten a really bad sunburn on my face. i was in my room at my dads house, a place where i’ve never really felt that comfortable or “safe” and i remember standing in front of the mirror in my room. i started peeling off the skin and shortly enough got this intense feeling of panic. i felt like i was uncovering somebody who was absolutely not me. it terrified me. i started freaking out and eventually had to call my mom while she reassured me that i am real and that it was just a simple sunburn, something normal that doesn’t usually warrant such a strong emotional reaction or loss. it wasn’t the first time i had experienced something similar to that but since then it’s been really rare. i think i was about 15 at the time so it’s been maybe 2 years since that event? it feels unreal now but i wonder if its common for others to go through things like that when living with bpd.",4.447812499999999,6.203323572916666,5.995750000000001,74.87425000000002,71.08333333333334,9.495,29.46666666666667,9.888512548439397,3.0566704166666674,794,32,146,21,15,270,120,192,0.045,0.847,0.10800000000000001,0.8187,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,3,7,10,0,1,9,0,14,4,2,0,1,26,25,14,0,2,8,2,5,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,18,6,0,1,8,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,15,6,23,6,17,10,3,32,0,1,0,0,8,13,0,5,18,105,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609935082035778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877592474992435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791635963384294,0.0,0.14525696587029382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16001630230738714,0.0,0.1469861325599604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915144680035504,0.0,0.0,0.1438555228632047,0.0,0.27317178325450664,0.0,0.0,0.1210009522499741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084607445560242,0.0,0.11377330505851735,0.0,0.0,0.14085356033995053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641417080290058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389959764359769,0.0,0.12561265206464986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291299456339007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666058522965724,0.0,0.0,0.10457286135999096,0.0,0.10971484821905343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393784545870559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514955825228086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166904104886853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862487336749705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191589096514444,0.27339415108963994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222914965780056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353475151756046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190277464351847,0.0,0.0,0.20137584817179613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450705893979812,0.09115044787408877,0.0,0.0,0.16589859086646835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667238896508656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15426810482946685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18321347960088225 bpd,throwawaywhynot7,2020/03/19,"FP is in a different country for vacation and now they might be stuck there because of COVID19 Ya’ll I’m freaking out. My FP is in the Caribbean with a whole group of friends while I’m in the U.S. I’ve told them countless times this is the worst time ever. I did not beg them to stay or try to do any manipulative shit because I’m practicing on giving my FP space or rather get to know myself better. Then all of the curfews came out, some of my family members have COVID19 and now they might be stranded for a while. I need help coping with these feelings. I’m so angry at them yet so anxious for their return. I hate the way this high tense situation makes me feel. Two days ago I called them and asked to book the first flight out. They ignored me and the rising pandemic and continued their vacation. In every relationship I feel like I am unheard or thought to be the “bimbo chick.” None of them have really ever listened to me when I voiced my concerns. So yes I’m furious at them but anxious for them.",2.4926211568525294,4.644556287128715,3.627602918186557,87.99048202188642,77.7128712871287,6.826889004689942,25.483064095883268,7.85451343220497,1.4354712871287132,798,30,163,13,19,258,119,202,0.11900000000000001,0.826,0.055,-0.8998,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,12,2,11,9,3,0,11,1,13,1,1,2,3,32,33,16,0,2,6,0,3,1,1,2,0,2,0,1,3,11,0,1,5,1,0,2,2,6,0,2,5,5,27,3,27,23,5,32,0,0,0,0,22,12,1,6,17,112,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346496429371111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329679312136404,0.0,0.0,0.3432061454230728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200542346019182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519291486114614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434266527162367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510625916248236,0.1737324341355072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979625393443905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587025309830223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748033868425115,0.12798178628889909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319722490232986,0.0,0.2304146848740332,0.10851695358923316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920554237206355,0.0,0.0,0.11735709085392468,0.0,0.07936116114386388,0.14571573479754255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996919844598453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181495829796172,0.16049004394426228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347993147963782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421036855083428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139402142956902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222824937532367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263147196004755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973106379634418,0.0,0.0,0.16308309663089893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15592253957730368,0.0,0.17074127715663556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190453742435154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059114724700293,0.17714751010703472,0.0,0.0,0.14514637534263222,0.0,0.10312971394300664,0.0,0.14838363084849074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057066436107892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959024276710125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yoshi925,2020/03/20,"My feelings I’m doing this because my therapist thought it would be a good idea to get my feelings out in a healthy way. I’ve been suffering with depression and feeling numb lately. He also said it’s very probable that I have BPD. I was about to go to bed when I started feeling lonely. The thought of going to sleep alone every night fucking sucks. Everyone keeps telling me that I’m ready for a relationship if I’m not happy being alone but why can’t I just not like being alone? There’s this girl I’ve been talking to for a couple weeks and I haven’t felt a strong connection like this with someone in a long time. She hasn’t been texting me as much and it sucks. I wish I could be happy alone but I hate it",2.717409909909911,4.2469558310810855,3.890270270270271,89.1382882882883,75.14864864864866,6.825225225225225,26.52252252252252,7.492282038375204,1.2913225225225229,565,21,120,7,12,184,91,148,0.243,0.654,0.10300000000000001,-0.9626,0,6,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,14,4,0,7,0,15,3,1,0,0,24,36,9,0,4,6,0,5,2,0,1,1,1,1,1,9,6,0,1,8,0,0,2,5,8,0,0,8,6,14,6,15,22,1,13,0,3,0,1,7,3,3,1,9,73,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5358129718935157,0.0,0.1034300703542306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078842115005134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289435003376465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326438952710587,0.143107987093996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139703424430664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897128241344872,0.12358623142707555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26158496898337624,0.0,0.12418298412796132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956918418368508,0.06757279886800051,0.0,0.14700942624918673,0.1084810241337912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27536146782318577,0.0,0.12769266901999335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600476757354378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495991045314585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589680776215622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637421720469472,0.0,0.0,0.11445842048478108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095076949952656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137321287140318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944624209434156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885861961411688,0.0,0.0,0.12302829386464866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942955242676749,0.0,0.10958609798704723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154479082480546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395549612027638,0.11304549355595628,0.0,0.0,0.15016923572325666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20535690810802126,0.0754169476472893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671586678863193,0.0,0.10266101371026028,0.1037456560144654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167057560847794,0.0,0.1487301865855697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187668828321473,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwayaways222,2020/03/20,"ex got a new girlfriend, trying not to have a breakdown hello, i am honestly too anxious to usually post on here, but I have no one else to talk to and I’m scared I’m gonna do something bad. I just found out my ex has a new girlfriend, literally was my own fault, I was snooping and saw a picture of them together (my first time on social media in a year). I really can’t stop shaking, I guess I thought we were going to get back together. I saw him as the love of my life, I miss him and his family so much and literally think about him everyday even though it’s been ages since our breakup. The breakup was my own fault too, I was horrible so I’m not even sure why I’m upset. I have always been afraid he was going to get a new girlfriend, and now he has. It feels surreal. My tummy hurts from anxiety, I’m so fucking anxious, why am I like this???? Why does my brain chose to fuck me over?? I want to attempt suicide, but I don’t want to die. I have no friends to talk to, because I lost them all. Any tips on how to rationalise this?? Calm myself down?? I’ve been afraid of this for so long, it feels surreal. Thank you",0.4210126582278448,2.439152586497894,2.5958075949367116,93.33685063291142,84.31645569620254,6.154869198312237,22.138227848101266,7.404127859558343,0.7491699240506335,861,30,199,14,25,291,131,237,0.257,0.6509999999999999,0.091,-0.9932,0,0,1,0,0,2,36.0,2,1,2,3,15,20,2,5,8,0,20,5,1,1,2,24,47,14,2,2,5,2,2,1,4,1,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,5,0,0,3,6,13,0,2,15,4,34,7,26,31,4,24,0,3,2,3,22,7,2,1,14,125,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383959638361677,0.0,0.0,0.08486500956511253,0.0,0.09546797984565046,0.28196608949818924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595979904328514,0.10419877212485898,0.07607399037362632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393127058561542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951770605901405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092091129787962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425036904998647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485209390353506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764579996937392,0.0,0.12620039690101467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615072605775712,0.0,0.13683148603559173,0.09641645531193407,0.2307422870626872,0.1304006735554601,0.0,0.14184796636397584,0.0,0.09981011482457068,0.0,0.13747597286730215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359583347499224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814653432188488,0.0609686268720625,0.0,0.0,0.11043981731810107,0.0,0.0,0.1362286932875604,0.0,0.11263253257292362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173882480170804,0.0,0.0,0.3615839205221044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456445142121953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951929678922706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994699517778832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494175729394025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323187192844917,0.0,0.0,0.1272129818087448,0.0,0.0960734352852754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433436797365872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365056843182916,0.0,0.11761799100913847,0.0,0.0,0.20061129538761072,0.0,0.1148946454833251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799637196435893,0.12261064193598377,0.09907344221771572,0.07276907968481784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847277431927405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744427240117718,0.0,0.1472148744456136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378247487790819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036401169399013 bpd,Geospizae,2020/03/20,"DAE look into the mirror and feel like they're looking at a different person? I know the image staring back at me is myself but she seems so unfamiliar. My brain is just telling me that that person is not me, they're a stranger.",2.8528260869565223,4.762324500000002,4.029782608695655,86.65380434782612,75.73913043478261,6.339130434782609,24.54347826086957,7.1686216300943375,1.0217130434782602,181,6,36,2,4,59,35,46,0.0,0.958,0.042,0.1901,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,3,1,1,0,0,8,8,3,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,3,8,0,4,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,1,2,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22481224611692693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32637836498616946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054613827706321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782958577980726,0.20886710811795275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16067730706888173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283579255507334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4910294435541273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5105673332043213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661600189660255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25554172400040165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DerNachtmar,2020/03/20,"i hate my head which is always unsatisfied dont know what to do feeling so lonely it hurts and really wished i had someone to talk to but the second i have some kind of conversation immediataly change to defense mode and feel exhausted and ""turned off"". Do you know what i mean?",6.93333333333333,6.7281790000000035,7.381851851851858,74.19833333333334,64.55555555555556,10.903703703703703,30.962962962962962,10.504223727775694,3.0036740740740733,222,7,43,5,3,73,42,54,0.207,0.74,0.053,-0.8295,0,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,0,6,2,1,0,0,12,14,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,1,2,6,1,6,13,1,1,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21384212421760276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718687908818209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011986159278153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598908498326501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253731369948205,0.2637531058663567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751206458023254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26762286855644823,0.2824777033817364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27994511695203383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646388840965296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21775275732687607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065644852337852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795389800915571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955339118888652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheSlacktivist,2020/03/20,"Should I call my psychiatrist tomorrow? Some background: I was originally diagnosed with BPD by 3 psychiatrists 3 years ago. My current psychiatrist and psychologist don't believe in diagnoses. There are good at what their doing and really nice but, yeah, they don't like to hear word ""borderline"". As a result, I haven't been on medication for the last 2 years. They didn't think it was necessary anymore. Furthermore, because of the current situation (covid-19) I don't know when i will see them again (i refused to have phone appointments with them). The current situation: I'm in a middle of an intense mood swing. I've been felling really angry for the past few day but, now, it's reaching a new top. My uni classmate where talking about cancelling the final exams of this semester and i basically told them all to go fuck themselves (in a rather long and ""intense"" message). They already managed to cancel our exams the past semester and I didn't want the situation to repeat. Right now, I've been isolated myself (not answering to the people who are trying to contact me), i have a severe chest pain, i'm sweating profusely, i'm feeling trapped, angry and i feel the urge to do something about it (nothing definitive). The question: Is this situation a reason good enough to call my psychiatrist tomorrow to talk about an eventually going back to a medication? Those intense mood swings are driving me crazy (while ruining my social life) and i need a solution. I know that the feeling of urgence is a recurrent characteristic of those episodes and that those feeling usually go away in a matter of hours, but ignoring them and pretending that everything is fine doesn't seem a good idea now. (not a native english speaker)",6.891648351648357,8.290160435897437,7.412619047619046,68.38,64.83333333333334,10.814652014652015,37.61355311355311,10.813802987103665,4.569659157509157,1384,71,224,38,21,455,174,312,0.155,0.737,0.10800000000000001,-0.9738,4,1,1,0,0,0,49.0,1,0,8,1,12,12,1,0,25,1,24,9,2,3,1,40,44,15,0,4,6,0,4,1,0,2,6,2,0,0,13,11,0,2,12,1,0,5,9,4,0,0,8,7,29,6,33,34,4,42,0,1,1,1,22,11,1,3,27,152,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388762431215576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688029356515565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503963078295032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951101836903077,0.08144241591996408,0.0,0.06456505355857937,0.0,0.0,0.11933040226729708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339675671606646,0.0,0.21630296035040414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830668013673563,0.0,0.0,0.2150038322669576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943893606990998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518994501458553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21421606372978744,0.0,0.0,0.11602515939162256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979170939322539,0.0,0.0,0.18058251250825832,0.2665104734759469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937436974823235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430534816733604,0.0,0.0,0.11956561081066812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641668367476322,0.08633519909365846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481118949517729,0.05174492149096547,0.0,0.0,0.09373180879722813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21339727432111288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853493774245672,0.0,0.1022937672467372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162869668969796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127014685339332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20221649528405414,0.07342841236386004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186495040307617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357042531921896,0.10889868621024767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045118520196176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440087237713058,0.09642141538242678,0.0,0.11965427066952715,0.0,0.0,0.4762134539561162,0.0,0.10796742675767,0.0,0.08153886057883189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17026159621104214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786632088280008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120671738286732,0.0,0.07190961392020485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665086536565444,0.0,0.06247165559817796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641210862533154 bpd,selfharmthrowaway404,2020/03/20,"We here are /u/selfharmthrowaway404 are proud to announce our new line of personalities tailor-made to the desires and tastes of the people around me! Reporter: have you fixed the defect where they keep exploding and hurting people? Me: hahaha of course not.",4.716212121212124,8.227492136363637,3.897272727272728,80.18257575757578,82.18181818181819,6.56969696969697,23.24242424242424,7.793537801064563,1.795451515151515,210,7,32,4,6,62,35,44,0.102,0.759,0.14,0.4389,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,2,1,1,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,7,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,1,6,4,0,3,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,23,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35337428952078753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4249487541855722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528320228776293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833818080565757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5503975120376339,0.34660597145453564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,loststoreroom,2020/03/20,Loneliness in wards How do you deal with chronic loneliness when confined to inpatient? I never fit in with any of the groups,3.291159420289855,6.415846521739134,3.8173913043478263,81.34898550724641,83.78260869565217,8.284057971014493,29.40579710144928,8.841846274778883,3.333388405797102,102,5,17,3,3,32,20,23,0.289,0.711,0.0,-0.7724,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.467031666175079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7080365601862634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.529684483659219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CryonicsColony,2020/03/20,"how can i deal with my bpd wife? she has never been dxed with bpd, but her symptoms match up well...this virus situation has made her worse, too...help me out here",1.768181818181816,3.603428848484853,2.287878787878789,98.2518181818182,78.69696969696969,5.612121212121212,17.060606060606062,6.42735559955562,-0.6361030303030302,124,2,30,1,3,38,29,33,0.125,0.875,0.0,-0.631,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,1,7,5,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,6,0,4,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6846011384747507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801958437766461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18217009395787534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571671914714074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20961543397596352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054949392709679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282486101531981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24436512488835602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27696960650207364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Alone-Whole,2020/03/20,"The BPD Hole - a new way to describe this phenomenon? So I have been struggling for many years to figure out the right way to describe these predicaments I get myself into, and I am in the worst one yet. I think I finally found the right descriptor -- it's a BPD Hole. I shall describe... Basically you do something wrong (the action or words hurt someone by accident, you suddenly realize how selfish it was, etc) and you feel a ton of guilt and shame, which leads to more emotions and then actions that hurt people, leading to more guilt and shame, and so on. The guilt/shame spiral can be temporarily stopped by using DBT skills or apologizing to the person you hurt and doing a repair with them and then when you see them smiling at you again and talking nicely to you, you relax and start to come out of the episode. BUT. You have probably run through this cycle a lot, right? There are a lot of bad memories from all your past episodes that keep a running-in-the-background, low level hum of guilt and shame going all the time. So you never do get back to ""baseline"" - you're always somewhat charged and vulnerable to feeling inappropriate levels of emotions in response to something otherwise minor, and then eventually you blow up again...do an action that hurts someone...and this super-cycle repeats while the guilt and shame cycles repeat inside of it. These concentric cycles eventually drill you into a deep hole where getting out of guilt/shame-induced depression requires that you never did any of those things before. But it's too late - you've already been the drama queen/king too many times. You are buried in bad memories of past events you cannot change. You've already apologized for them and repaired for them, but they still happened. It's still part of who you are. You will never not be that person who did that stuff. The people in your life won't be able to forget, even if they try. Even if I forgive myself, it will never cease to be part of history. Then you decide, maybe it's time to kill myself -- or just cut and run, ghost my life and start over somewhere else. I'm in this hole right now. I'm super deep down into it. I may be living here now.",6.406739130434778,6.826688437198068,6.202699516908215,80.0874695652174,65.59420289855072,8.652985507246376,30.569661835748786,8.364918446050245,2.164870647342996,1719,58,320,21,25,538,206,414,0.147,0.813,0.04,-0.9866,0,0,2,0,0,1,64.0,0,20,6,5,20,26,2,9,21,0,26,2,0,4,6,62,43,35,2,2,10,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,26,25,0,3,8,2,0,9,7,22,0,1,6,3,38,4,49,27,12,70,0,6,1,0,34,26,0,9,33,228,64,3,0.08889422499900647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19619397556267895,0.0,0.07396711636706406,0.0,0.0,0.06045112131218824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835417191119413,0.14844592951982324,0.0,0.0,0.07564243810511145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239183289927573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403830309535112,0.07657450360403696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765644657336604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425971832885836,0.19998807657660647,0.0,0.0,0.09914055900105016,0.11742759446088127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989518226420798,0.0,0.0,0.09737927837102116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746792940991968,0.0,0.0,0.13933069076444385,0.0,0.05052063663515438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078608869588935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806524256621144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901327162203514,0.09834828918623363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027655775878032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557724006271165,0.0,0.0,0.07849522929182229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114938241317352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18024958329733984,0.08930619720743277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742428258974945,0.0858545964390178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023702745995223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925275659898728,0.1697191927055436,0.1232561255751008,0.15523801691806685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958430096182349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30366072975743225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083718815009933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531978836899464,0.13687023476625826,0.0,0.0,0.12583957998072376,0.0,0.1419820858271164,0.0743195525190744,0.0,0.09293154497447774,0.10176261986686663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144981080080554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059057373116819224,0.05695982998787773,0.0,0.0,0.15550481239602454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060353343604145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677606886543101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411201962372492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719188018718652,0.0,0.0572449663877095 bpd,onogomo,2020/03/20,"I think I have BPD but maybe quiet BPD I’m 19. I am getting a mental health assessment from a doctor on tuesday, but I wanted reassurance or some perspective here too. I love mental health, i’m majoring in psychology atm. I have always diagnosed myself with a bunch of disorders, but none really fit or made sense. My dad was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and my grandmother with schizophrenia and bipolar. My mom has or shows very little empathy and can be extremely manipulative and controlling. My dad has been very distant and uninvolved (but kinda loving) growing up. i have a lot of emotional neglect and degrading that I think back to and cry about, ESPECIALLY when i start to like someone, and they , as usual, do not like me back. I probabyl have anxious attachment, i have never been in a relationship because it hasn’t worked out that way and i stop liking someone once they like me back. I devalue them and think they’re gross. I self harm when i’m extremely emotionally hurt, like after my mother degrades me for making a mistake, I will sometimes end up scratching at myself. I never paid attention since i havent made myself bleed, until i actually researched self harm more and realized it’s feeling quite addictive and gross after I do it. These days are worse, i get extremely infatuated with someone for a bit. One time i started hanging out with one and i almost cried the last time we hugn out because all my past trauma was coming up from my parents. He rejected me and i did terrible on my exam that weeek. When i have a crush, my grades suffer - i cannot focus, i often cannot sleep, and my mood shifts from extreme highs to extreme lows in an hour or two every single day. I worry, i text strangers on discord to reassure me. The latest crush led me to self harm twice. I just felt so rejected by them, after they opened up to me and hung out with me, asked me so many questions aboutt myself, until they told me they werent looking for a relationship, and then continued to keep messaging me. It has made me spiral thousands of times. My ENTIRE sellf esteem revolved on his interaction with me. When i self harm it doesnt feel like enough. I feel proud of myself when my scratches show and feel like my emotional pain was worth it, and I feel disappointed when the scratches heal the next day. I have a like/hate relationship with my best friend. I always felt she didnt put the same effort or give a shit about I’m extremely rejection sensitive. i compare myself to everyone in my research group, I will feel like entire crap after meeting with my supervisor because i feel like she hates me even though she does not. Then i procrastinate all my work for it because i‘m scared to do it I start to hate everyone i get close with. I feel like a guy (i am born female), used to think i was trans, and i still do feel like a guy on the inside especially around a girl thatt i like (i’m bi or pan idk).",5.432329227323628,6.475750056737592,6.266506159014561,76.57026315789476,67.93617021276596,9.624785367674503,30.444942142590516,9.811843763644266,2.921245390070921,2328,88,430,52,38,768,267,564,0.226,0.652,0.122,-0.9976,2,2,0,0,0,0,60.0,1,0,7,7,21,45,4,1,21,0,34,16,3,8,4,94,78,44,0,2,13,5,14,12,1,2,10,1,0,7,12,39,0,4,18,2,3,5,11,25,0,5,15,16,94,19,61,60,13,71,0,8,1,3,41,25,2,12,52,292,106,8,0.0,0.0,0.058781645723244985,0.06566612990598356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06031765176902563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002423528848826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0460803742415376,0.06804953319692254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362280974342625,0.05631252765585078,0.0,0.0,0.13895329489132732,0.0,0.14687722321689173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321396451968048,0.0,0.06576210974938046,0.0,0.15173026376272236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05188797934320005,0.0,0.0,0.06755979467310713,0.0,0.0,0.13233283252835618,0.11654170816119848,0.0,0.0,0.12227654173518783,0.0,0.0,0.13807134655202738,0.06165409723338911,0.052712928510538375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20327217346296053,0.053351215983012505,0.06223988890203356,0.0,0.03978530913641245,0.0,0.05075142698235843,0.11511615650256847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741141781374385,0.2581956576539663,0.1156720103101913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046538183284066094,0.0,0.09441246973853208,0.0577838588536691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928621828917335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894115631974707,0.0,0.1280561000151356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636426399632087,0.0,0.0,0.059320325242159175,0.0,0.06448388259174268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05354052344841676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04910037864852455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825674631577424,0.06037229540514458,0.0,0.0,0.05058306820395502,0.0,0.0,0.051210492156417466,0.10873068145201688,0.17099027565164193,0.04020799696774356,0.061069848412701376,0.0605151571060883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140743835076115,0.0,0.0,0.07054767382995952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291543147815984,0.0,0.06406166813179033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414937287721373,0.08163494347152378,0.0,0.06409534972239797,0.0,0.06688494826503442,0.0,0.05750207674075974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06055381613149825,0.06747810435984684,0.06406839936493793,0.0,0.0,0.03858872328957877,0.0,0.0,0.19401276019159325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603067430965696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513571351048594,0.0,0.061831387197537536,0.04982784070437357,0.0,0.060279500560743514,0.0,0.15311329903881565,0.0,0.059574943085998734,0.0,0.1279060500416851,0.0,0.04810454648584545,0.05035999222203645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438718334165588,0.0591815630281477,0.0,0.10537228599086518,0.0,0.0,0.057558078251284235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05884181823642515,0.0,0.0,0.05202456284850885,0.06634144264749138,0.09940201493882624,0.0355287527783794,0.047812532126428886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770504912963617,0.06117258074979466,0.06138562892612981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,OnlyAlexKroy,2020/03/20,"How the fuck do I not be so damn inpulsive? This is not... djennehdhrb it's so fucking annoying! Does anyone have some fucking advice? Speaking of impulse, I relapsed and now have scars on my wrist right before summer",2.1563333333333325,5.0444633,2.9400000000000013,85.85833333333333,91.0,4.666666666666667,26.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,1.5121666666666669,172,8,28,2,6,54,35,40,0.243,0.757,0.0,-0.8982,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,5,0,1,0,5,4,1,1,0,5,8,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,7,1,4,0,0,0,3,1,2,4,1,2,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899906579049036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075016497744513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25252109458166777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596968732744588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8230501399733738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25343161121162083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,amazonicdagger,2020/03/20,"Anyone with quiet BPD? Hi i found this sub a couple of weeks ago so this is my first post and sorry if you already have a thread about it or something but i cant seem to find it. Most of the posts i see here are from people who experiment what everyone recognices as your regular everyday bpd, but is there anyone else here like me who lives with quiet bpd? And in that case ive been on and off with therapy for the past few years cuz i leave it when i feel better, is there any tips on being constant? Any sadness coping mechanisms you could share? Thank you",2.4902631578947383,4.34955995614035,3.5542456140350893,89.88505263157896,76.63157894736842,6.665263157894738,21.049122807017547,7.554174236665415,0.6333607017543867,441,11,93,6,10,142,85,114,0.053,0.828,0.11900000000000001,0.8693,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,0,2,7,5,0,0,4,0,10,0,0,1,0,17,15,11,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,9,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,4,12,4,14,11,2,14,0,1,1,0,8,4,0,4,9,65,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332504522115984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588290614746048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044468012716291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102158065689113,0.15402157724861087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294666445655648,0.0,0.0,0.5679719223764103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16244354431240415,0.0,0.120019046743241,0.1663272718796927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255738648524143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436381094624468,0.0,0.14704273330051135,0.0,0.0,0.07600678889285488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739062488648374,0.12786292316692932,0.0,0.16481916267125812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591681812793696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343922310144231,0.0,0.1327361527416408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434983558198102,0.10421361946632277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28793183485172397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197863349264655,0.1368465471005348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157244112261674,0.0,0.16827199642071838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839533438266513,0.17190510677568466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057839876485145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680176324958792 bpd,MadiY35,2020/03/20,"being clean is getting hard I have been clean from self-harm for about 4 months now. This past week though, I have had such intense urges. I’m moody, distant, and emotional. All I can think about it cutting or self-destructing in some way. I don’t want to take it out on my boyfriend or anyone else. Any suggestions for things to do when the urges are taking over my life right now?",3.4954385964912262,5.073296263157896,3.3236842105263165,93.79412280701756,73.21052631578948,6.64561403508772,23.19298245614036,7.1686216300943375,0.5322087719298247,300,8,66,3,6,90,60,76,0.073,0.797,0.13,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,1,0,1,0,10,1,0,0,1,8,16,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,6,0,11,13,2,12,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,3,6,42,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086988842848218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654092562872343,0.2423851465853305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19761672476843464,0.2660997750542872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359358652856105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21191258113761566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16709033810736004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888210811832104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258246580217533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20202217368274208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4935703394878165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557295186796932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571609064969724,0.15157901617298408,0.2324204096536725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953006397123285,0.18777145676464552,0.1897553146885889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GoodB0y291118,2020/03/20,"What counts as an emergency for my GP? I'm one of those people who has always thought they have BPD, but has never gone to seek any help because they don't want their doctor to think they're needy. Last week I was just about to book an appointment for my GP so I could talk to them, but about five minutes before I was about to call I got a text message from the surgery saying that because of Coronavirus they will only be open for emergencies, and not taking any routine appointments. I don't know if I'm an emergency. I'm not going to die anytime soon, I just want to stop thinking I'm evil. I just want to stop making everyone I love hate me because I was an obsessive, overattached weirdo. I just want to be a good person. It feels like an emergency to me, but how do I know I don't think that because I'm selfish? I don't want my doctor to think I'm selfish. I know I'm not enough of an emergency to go to A&E, like all the mental health support groups suggest, but I just want help, and I'm tired of waiting. I'm not sure I can wait any longer . . .",4.130685197155785,4.380981334841628,5.036111829347124,87.07222850678734,70.49321266968326,8.305235940530059,28.45539754363284,8.192908349453996,1.677810342598578,829,28,182,11,14,271,111,221,0.242,0.635,0.12300000000000001,-0.9745,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,5,0,11,11,2,1,10,0,16,5,0,2,3,42,51,10,1,8,14,0,1,2,0,1,4,1,0,1,6,3,0,4,9,1,0,3,9,5,0,2,6,2,26,6,25,41,2,10,0,0,0,1,16,1,0,1,8,107,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052965506325312,0.13090547192484994,0.0,0.2464796793027543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945963689339803,0.0,0.1028066062912838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216513419472255,0.0,0.12336795061101673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646276673605399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538926159338162,0.0,0.0,0.24732321018947656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483654627863855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544608812904188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610888466979168,0.08631188865711956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732648841693948,0.1013358019567757,0.0966286153315679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119282050685503,0.0,0.128423118500129,0.0,0.0,0.16196255153839587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19919405160179604,0.09848220810778054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180504401516655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904231182319096,0.0,0.08064647226693678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175540126767928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318173414464424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186891540469912,0.09188698533946343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375948933177076,0.10549298837088188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607874995554726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20201731110136095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13710201709359593,0.11386885617023675,0.0,0.0908395583321298,0.09710835283201648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096593374129491,0.0,0.09591542454846737,0.0,0.13886168991284434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4275669705087362,0.0,0.0969123340759728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,VoiceofTheCreatures,2020/03/20,"DAE (Basic symptom of BPD)? YES! YES WE DO! Y'all. Come on. I understand needing validation for our crazy feelings and shit but it just seems like these posts are redundant. That's the crazy thing about the human condition; we always feel like we're the only one, when in fact, we never are. /End rant/",0.9210526315789488,3.3530913684210546,1.9522982456140348,91.21792105263157,100.22807017543859,5.087017543859648,17.980701754385965,6.742157984588678,0.447162807017544,236,7,45,4,10,74,48,57,0.10800000000000001,0.716,0.17600000000000002,0.6616,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,4,1,0,0,3,3,1,0,3,2,3,2,1,0,2,14,9,3,0,1,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,6,2,5,9,0,7,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,1,5,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22334034285800572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33805560379870714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312132300012501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377334235803734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27143441321326234,0.1917536352161368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26226515709640474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990241475985036,0.20701593414275601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18188296403080173,0.20413947304396754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570645654711468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443522661170244,0.0,0.0,0.2755211309124553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789829120965121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783210514081464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794264291476974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Popoakle,2020/03/20,"I might have BPD.. I randomly stumbled across BPD on google when trying to look up my various mental/emotional issues and while I dont really understand what it is I related heavily to just about every single symptom If it helps im 14 and my symptoms that make me think i have it is being extremely attached to one person for no clear reason even though I hate them passionately half the time. I just cant go a day without hearing from them or else I start to harm myself in any way possible. I also have the most stupid mood swings, like at one point ill be so depressed and demotivated and mere minutes away from ending it to getting super high and hyper for no clear reason?? I also frequently switch between blaming myself for everything then blaming everyone around me for everything and honestly im just so sick of my emotions at this point lmao. Also to people who do happen to have this, how do you cope? I really could use some good coping suggestions rn since nothing I tried really worked for me.",7.061276495525199,7.1290381139896395,7.638219500706548,71.55071596796985,64.23316062176166,10.956005652378712,33.089495996231754,10.637119530657019,3.607563730569949,808,30,140,19,11,268,129,193,0.152,0.721,0.127,-0.7556,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,2,2,14,10,2,0,3,0,14,5,0,5,2,27,25,18,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,1,9,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,4,0,3,0,2,23,5,26,21,4,21,0,1,1,1,8,11,0,6,9,106,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785642176374956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896015420370152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336431360702332,0.0,0.0,0.10909106351726912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924780451134245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270599861953084,0.0,0.0,0.07488264619920187,0.0,0.10000711135915584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608242087815475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699669225470396,0.2612207850345813,0.10284078448276744,0.0,0.0,0.0766908931144298,0.0,0.09782938342300404,0.11095000950994907,0.20870799049169947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060663737298619735,0.0,0.06598913589344242,0.09738925218700603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267747445851784,0.0,0.0,0.11463657948400875,0.0,0.0,0.13086668356909534,0.0,0.07782743843756162,0.12267872249537315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508418097188235,0.1211907804229782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05672646717505396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750485194745002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750567394677768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170136047696742,0.1231765025561377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114126132710092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736101742256536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049745373373675,0.10138453587010626,0.0,0.0,0.21952677633192916,0.13089885466250886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231529967312641,0.23876498681288685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604906153876196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218468429140295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24136969135593506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439989303147376,0.11407946860422034,0.0,0.06770585171225561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576648774828084,0.0,0.0,0.12087670612732485,0.0,0.10028350351784396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921643156841094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192784232858352,0.0,0.08453093232648512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,theneighborhoodgoat,2020/03/20,"DAE fantasize about suicide to feel better? i get really depressed and low at night, and sometimes to help me calm down and feel better i'll imagine a really detailed suicide fantasy, like i'll take a bunch of sleeping pills or something, and then i'll imagine everyone's reactions, how i'll be missed and my friends will be miserable, etc, and it's always super idealized. it makes me feel so fucking weird and guilty that i'm actively imagining dying to comfort myself, especially knowing how many people actually do die from suicide...is this common at all",7.868187702265374,8.335592339805826,8.289466019417475,66.20694983818773,62.49514563106796,11.526860841423948,40.467637540453076,11.20814326018867,5.049441423948222,453,24,70,12,6,150,73,103,0.22699999999999998,0.5589999999999999,0.214,-0.5707,0,0,1,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,0,4,4,14,1,1,2,0,4,3,1,3,1,20,14,12,4,1,1,0,3,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,5,8,9,11,3,7,0,4,0,1,2,4,1,1,4,39,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.17998729305694258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534692464239227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262452149911086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885830671948786,0.0,0.3828401773442965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20569987890879216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17624077329824764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797759306466414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14249824975169995,0.1705122426652177,0.09636253317951966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362655933641585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013636588865939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010829729142726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311544606183253,0.18699368770570635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308488694204616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786779881529894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363145761558055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18457367090119192,0.0,0.0,0.14199128490560078,0.18241634115783287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034958769969829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867627969022894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thefrostedtaint,2020/03/20,"Fist appointment with counselor/ bringing up bpd. Advice please! Hello, I’m needing some advice concerning how to bring up bpd to a new counselor. I haven’t been officially diagnosed with bpd, however, I have done a lot of research and I resonate with it all... I’ve been diagnosed with depression, generalized anxiety and ADD. I’ve been to counseling before for these things but I never felt understood. I really want to make sure I’m getting the right treatment and not wasting time if I don’t have to. Is there a right way to bring it up to my new counselor that I think I have this? Or is that frowned up?",3.9041025641025655,5.993854837606842,4.908042735042739,80.71334615384617,73.27350427350427,8.782564102564104,30.503418803418803,9.3871,2.9892741880341887,484,22,90,12,10,158,71,117,0.034,0.873,0.09300000000000001,0.7452,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,11,2,0,2,3,25,23,7,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,6,1,9,1,17,17,3,14,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,4,4,61,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084567177845057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073850776296333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343005815579669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5963390900375412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593761031891938,0.3203855746947088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615135359974255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154028308873155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245897086031657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418029923896005,0.0,0.0,0.10535186907503556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170279659526658,0.12172720740093705,0.3048638441601341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17324849494420266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110909347306947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26956965973300634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487516625310472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485436156689276,0.10113024493188537,0.0,0.0,0.09203117219652122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309144432412117,0.12527705940612907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Womblyy,2020/03/20,"New to this Hello all, recently just ended a relationship of mine due to me lashing out. I don't know why other than I think to see her true emotions to whether or not she actually felt the way she did. I'm pretty much a wreck now that we broke up, but she said that we could still be friends and possibly even try dating again later under the stipulation that I 1. See a therapist and etc 2. Move down to her location (Had a job lined up and am currently just awaiting for the go ahead) After all of this and realizing that I just totally fucked up a great relationship other than my meltdowns at times, I decided to dig deeper into what has been going on and why I've acted this way. I ended up doing a couple of online tests and a lot of it points to having BPD, which scares me because all I read are negative things. I guess my big question here is should I even try to stay friends with her? Or will it just cause issues? I get a feeling like she's only saying these things to try to calm me down and continue with my job which would make me happier leaving where I'm at now. Should I expect it just to not work or stay optimistic that it may very well work out? Thank you, I'm in a dark mindset currently.",5.4705679862306384,5.016048337349396,6.4636976477337935,80.39936746987951,67.63453815261046,9.84520940906483,29.43230063109581,9.424239791934726,2.290779460699942,952,29,201,17,14,319,149,249,0.07,0.777,0.154,0.9690000000000001,4,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,2,1,0,3,14,11,1,1,12,0,17,1,0,2,5,48,34,12,0,5,12,0,2,1,2,5,0,2,0,0,20,14,0,0,7,1,0,4,4,3,1,0,5,6,29,8,36,22,7,42,0,1,2,1,18,17,1,7,18,150,49,6,0.0,0.0,0.11403041469389362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123171895936993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471706404745583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200388963452513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329658359401856,0.12929419659603075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144244800972135,0.2069918665295429,0.0,0.13032054705679966,0.15435890723133772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908373650746816,0.0834788862866695,0.11219596816197563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18055868540897085,0.10802752467280692,0.061050196559922464,0.0,0.13281904137501127,0.0,0.0,0.1288294248265318,0.12872533457038934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196282813326705,0.2319145869728217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421864489106964,0.0,0.0,0.12372909078345845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057087843997139134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934314674972496,0.0,0.0,0.07799942502170401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419487703866106,0.0858994533327862,0.0,0.0,0.11285611144430853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888709923942235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104626375000419,0.13173274780742392,0.0,0.1188801998901296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309006600315102,0.0,0.11688333357287944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537696834658022,0.2509100159678552,0.0,0.0,0.11115273673273184,0.0929251713395672,0.11698894849792425,0.0,0.18623137098891285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490967544132065,0.0933179280190426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758135673979274,0.0,0.13567384379130168,0.1552621701929256,0.07487385868183273,0.0,0.0,0.06813717287055795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23800392597491396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641489996936782,0.0,0.1855028997184334,0.0,0.0,0.10506372227071943,0.0,0.21088098962922167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17013887583358106,0.0,0.0,0.08300810345183438,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Appleo22,2020/03/20,"My FP wants nothing to do with me Hi. Fairly new to reddit and BPD, recently got diagnosed. Please excuse any mistakes. I'm not sure which flair to use. I was in a long distance relationship with my FP for about 4 months. I've had several relationships before but I've never felt even close to this amount of love for anyone. My entire day changed depending on how things went between us. When it was going good it was heaven, when it was going bad it was hell. I've struggled with depression for most of my life, but only the last few years it's gotten really bad. I promised myself I wouldn't live another year with this pain last year, but right before last year ended, I met her. From not being able to get out of bed, just wanting to sleep, finding every moment concious a complete mental torture I started feeling hope again. I started looking forward to the next day, knowing I would spend it with her over the phone or texting with her. I started caring about myself again. My love for her grew every day, it was probably unhealthy how much I loved her. But it felt so good when it worked. I've never had such a good feeling in my life before when everything worked between us. The first month went really well, then we started having small arguments. I was pretty clear early on that I needed a lot of validation and attention. She told me it wouldn't be a problem and early on it seemed that way. Time went by and from responding instantly to my messages it started taking hours for her to respond. I know it's not realistic for another person to be available at all times so I just asked her what changed. She got really upset with me and said that I had unrealistic expectations and that she couldn't spend time with friends because of me. It wasn't about that at all, I would have been totally fine with her taking some time every now and then to respond if she was busy but she just refused to listen to me and kept talking about unrealistic expectations. She had some mental problems as well before and got really down sometimes. I made sure to always be there for her when it happened. At a start, she was always there for me as well when it happened. She started messaging me less and less and a few weeks ago she told me she needs more alone time to figure herself out. I was fine with it, even if I didn't like it because I really loved spending time with her. I just wanted her to be happy. At the time I just thought we would be talking a lot less, maybe an hour a day or something. I was so wrong. It started taking days for her to even respond to texts if she responded at all. I first tried to be supportive of her and give her space, but I soon realised she was distancing her more and more. I brought it up and we talked about it. She said she still had feelings for me but that she couldn't be in a relationship at the moment. A few days went by and we talked about the subject again, this time she said that she didn't think we could ever have a relationship. Keep in mind that this was less than a few weeks since we planned to move in together, telling each other we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. I was devastated. We barely talk at all now, she's being so cold to me and I can't fucking cope with it. I've tried to distract myself with everything there is but my mind always comes back to one thing, her. I literally feel like the sadness inside me could kill me at any moment. There's no words to explain how shit I feel and how bad I want to be with her. I know it will haunt me for the rest of my life and I can't deal with it. I feel so helpless. I just want to say or do something to make it go back to the way it used to. I'd do anything for it. I cant deal with this, I really can't. I'm breaking apart, shattering into a thousand pieces. Every single second im awake I'm in such agony. My head is so cloudy, I feel like I can barely think at all. I'm just stuck in my own mind. I cant live without her. I don't want to. I cant possibly explain how much I still love her. Fuck. Please, what do I do? I dont even want to think of any other option than trying to get back together. For anyone that read all of this, thank you. You've listened more than anyone ever has for me.",2.6179919812896766,4.349572513356566,3.824961736114428,88.64683690515966,75.89895470383273,6.6690277313732045,23.641210443415588,7.462294177604082,0.93031909694048,3318,102,697,42,73,1081,311,861,0.134,0.748,0.11900000000000001,-0.9690000000000001,0,1,2,0,0,1,83.0,11,1,0,5,56,46,6,3,26,0,63,15,3,10,14,157,153,53,1,28,25,0,9,3,1,6,5,6,1,1,49,48,0,3,22,1,4,12,22,20,3,5,44,17,122,26,116,89,33,116,2,3,1,7,93,31,4,15,75,503,171,3,0.04566164351977448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040476291914362215,0.0,0.0,0.047291691855318084,0.0,0.0,0.11398243585934754,0.0,0.0,0.09315445019376564,0.09576042908504906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578304850535888,0.0,0.03757564199260219,0.0,0.042687472822203566,0.0,0.0,0.10533295602497952,0.11437669515266308,0.05566982814720419,0.0,0.15541878198548031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057509241551547026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04655508875742426,0.0,0.09660792865211254,0.039333462734056135,0.04787536448136083,0.0,0.0,0.0729142136575813,0.0,0.0,0.17668789546041475,0.09415029894569762,0.039328306654920084,0.04634560700252597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05351510613499982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04044266306468554,0.0,0.0,0.1206363395983785,0.08260714148412537,0.15388761614378602,0.0,0.08207548183160511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161615292597326,0.06524137450830934,0.08768467696180422,0.0,0.04173391494665343,0.07767954130331754,0.0,0.0,0.035278072514773634,0.08442690730422067,0.0477126482484929,0.04380280919820807,0.07785169285582706,0.11489646054715075,0.10955936277984876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075688112928614,0.04860766860161109,0.0,0.0,0.04686201963576301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04535231494358725,0.08993504205865109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04932241057872445,0.0,0.0,0.04058616678616418,0.05051784321930567,0.0,0.07528333536997804,0.11166100154097923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675650757973482,0.06692391769517497,0.0,0.12096020336415135,0.04040911762687542,0.03834428037782559,0.0,0.0,0.0776397928893754,0.20605708013092566,0.04320615115076258,0.030479501617922268,0.0,0.045873258257643296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203239386951956,0.0,0.13831572985079635,0.0,0.07289337643998807,0.04853110076880962,0.06713312376615,0.06771506018665717,0.07043414886696481,0.044100299847108684,0.04856167590333164,0.0,0.0,0.04381357845855948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03094151138162177,0.034727737489248955,0.048587208090280484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039869985869772265,0.0,0.10024554530102232,0.0,0.051476642280535716,0.0,0.04645430711677534,0.04923097466791652,0.08738405221753448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045674000208994085,0.0,0.17551210843183812,0.0,0.045085364314057776,0.19609406698875367,0.0,0.03899479407490593,0.13030403819537445,0.03631197165109778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04156864532900726,0.0,0.051584660107251636,0.04687102089759946,0.03777178337396192,0.0,0.04569461981263763,0.0,0.0,0.07030512801517284,0.04516053300625853,0.0,0.2585563704198863,0.0,0.0729308949968828,0.0,0.0,0.04773546401258258,0.0,0.0,0.05181629195128325,0.08607111726806639,0.0,0.10299561979565786,0.1835054971443971,0.039910289054689664,0.04203910651772586,0.0,0.0,0.06067113400234159,0.08777441229334645,0.0,0.03625024449962535,0.21300537230072528,0.0,0.0,0.08726331433977758,0.0,0.09300377592278006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985066996881994,0.07887399856227216,0.0,0.0,0.21545936320282147,0.0724881745028759,0.07325403232736924,0.0,0.1231659038016344,0.1693152040290468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04401619491351375,0.0,0.06648444061989088,0.0,0.0,0.09731016437967993,0.04992383910398615,0.0,0.11761840540378313 bpd,kaystrrrr,2020/03/20,"Need advice My ex with BPD is practically stalking me after our breakup 4 months ago She posts about me on twitter. She will make references to how I just got into a car accident and say that “karma” is coming for me. She will change her bio to match mine, she will tweet things in response to my tweet. I have her blocked but she makes accounts to view my profile. I just put it on private so no one can view it She tore down my self esteem by calling me ugly after our breakup. Which was supposedly mutual. She claimed to have slept with someone else but then claimed that it was a lie to upset me/ She goes back and forth from insulting me to posting sad romance songs and asking me “why can’t we just be friends?” Will this harassment ever stop?",2.632065637065637,4.840345797297296,3.2828571428571434,90.35500000000003,77.51351351351352,6.1204633204633225,25.43629343629344,7.1686216300943375,1.0843671814671816,590,22,120,7,14,185,101,148,0.185,0.762,0.053,-0.9704,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,3,0,0,0,8,6,2,1,2,0,13,1,1,3,1,21,20,8,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,4,0,2,0,1,8,8,0,2,1,1,1,3,2,4,0,1,4,4,28,2,20,11,0,18,1,1,2,0,20,5,0,0,8,86,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039812713254852,0.1850380997287022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19514655319595686,0.0,0.0,0.16051050380229534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26290453671131103,0.0,0.21314997073447944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22082244557300892,0.17981363548465135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743780148001412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888200198351032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127434583277167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695086874692494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27867518457425905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661669364132606,0.0,0.0,0.15478031048970378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144967826852173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998362383623045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20984439862372015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660008344128356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21776450364960406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17686729045736158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17451851852870154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867959258633625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883581151135834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LadyT91,2020/03/20,"How is it that one interaction can literally change your entire mood and depression level for the day?! I just randomly got this burst of energy to be productive and start to clean my apartment from one end to the other, and I was going to run with it. I just had an interaction with my narcissistic extroverted roommate, who stopped me in the hallway to only talk about herself and her problems for 10 minutes, and not noticing my signs of me being uncomfortable, feeling cornered/trapped into this conversation (she literally cornered me in my room), and heading towards a spiral of a crisis. Granted, I haven’t been up front with her about how much she is actually annoying me since she’s been working from home with literally no other face to face interactions except with me, and she is driving me up a goddamn wall. She isn’t getting my subtle hints of not making eye contact and not really engaging in conversation. Now my mood is super irritable, I have absolutely no motivation to do anything but binge and get high. What the fuck is wrong with me?",11.30731958762886,8.711027231958763,11.263376288659794,57.50166237113403,57.60824742268043,14.236082474226803,45.3840206185567,12.602617957971056,5.772074226804127,849,41,139,22,8,286,117,194,0.156,0.7929999999999999,0.051,-0.9609,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,3,7,9,2,0,8,0,16,5,4,4,0,32,24,12,0,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,9,16,0,1,2,0,0,4,7,5,0,2,5,2,27,2,31,17,1,22,0,1,1,1,17,13,1,1,5,114,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.2113929345357605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17826238518012474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229158556921362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397040032983384,0.0,0.1865771914364548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19186380321502824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953116742738793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20026460056749945,0.2263532977483436,0.0,0.12311192147227085,0.0,0.17325331244990666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22231783548165646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22887423885284944,0.2172906698992614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445976267972215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924293149139696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466268785110965,0.0,0.0,0.29357888927363074,0.16475165794802807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072790875811129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877432922819125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17919289836950936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332697211014734,0.0,0.0,0.18110664320520267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741134728772703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770422451599694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23684339545755398,0.0,0.0 bpd,Yellowflower99,2020/03/20,"How do you make friends as someone who struggles with borderline personality disorder? I’m 24 years old, I’m a wholesome genuine person with social anxiety and bpd/minor NPD traits. I have a good heart but I’m very emotionally dysfunctional, causing me to rarely form genuine friendships that last a long time. How do you guys deal with it? Most people reject me on a deeper level because I have a personality disorder and I don’t regulate my emotions well enough to be socially acceptable. Does it ever feel lonely to be misunderstood and unrelatable for over two decades of your life? I feel like people hate the way borderlines express themselves",7.339827586206898,9.023530396551728,7.663275862068968,65.94681034482761,64.0,10.627586206896552,37.77586206896552,10.686352973137794,4.620262068965516,530,27,81,14,8,173,85,116,0.212,0.687,0.1,-0.9364,0,2,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,0,4,9,1,1,6,0,7,2,1,4,1,17,14,7,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,4,4,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,2,10,5,11,12,3,10,0,2,0,0,13,3,0,1,7,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112630385853747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974991303962468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18543076564123828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512455499565291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517874479635051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33747618793172285,0.0,0.12884178080895747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312273928224806,0.0,0.15212772938400673,0.0,0.0,0.1331777735158064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888761049346633,0.10518099091707747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137493700190457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348936202210192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457806388737304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453589358884615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744680092428703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001192880424555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039927543077342,0.07192903820396893,0.0,0.0,0.13029373050802825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827702763752846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544928971881713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041411959277601,0.3856661193824252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001644582799332,0.12474732272274562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391654282484366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585087415041294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382211085279306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214799953502542,0.0,0.116864153789578,0.0,0.0,0.13237726219684307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948111572119071 bpd,survivingbpd,2020/03/20,Help I want to die today but I can’t tell anyone because nobody ever believes me and makes me feel stupid,2.2677272727272744,4.227049409090913,3.7181818181818183,87.99727272727276,77.63636363636364,4.4,20.090909090909093,3.1291,-0.2348909090909093,85,2,16,0,2,28,20,22,0.281,0.599,0.12,-0.7227,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,6,4,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26083804730609456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274015521698005,0.0,0.0,0.4202880227151027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871563361753467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374357855772155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18862009208921965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500406623916423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490069112105049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260531595169877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35359803817211544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22002849322743526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,complicait,2020/03/20,"DAE recognize what parts of their BPD make them unique in positive ways? I know that recently, things have been difficult to process/deal with during this virus issue and I know since we already deal with BPD on a daily basis, things could feel worse right now. So, I'd like to put a discussion together to get us to see some positivity through our darkness as a reminder to ourselves that we are not our BPD and that there are a lot of traits that come along with it that actually make us really good fucking people. One thing I know is for certain, my BPD has allowed me to strengthen my skills of being empathetic and I find that (even though I have bouts of isolation from others) it makes me a very loyal friend and it makes it easy for me to understand my staff at work which makes them happy to work with me. What's your positive angle on BPD? Love you all!!",6.138698224852071,6.3157935502958615,6.152479289940832,81.05309763313609,66.15976331360946,9.836923076923078,29.91775147928994,9.642632912329526,2.457366390532544,686,22,138,13,10,217,109,169,0.054000000000000006,0.726,0.22,0.986,1,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,6,2,3,3,5,9,1,0,5,0,9,2,0,6,2,30,24,7,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,18,12,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,1,2,23,7,26,21,4,10,0,0,1,2,15,5,1,2,3,96,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.10348964171800427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702896998017978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6678322136689057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135280793228087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467240986168104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933304085767943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700451193141598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053622138785804886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692790950446342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193407746612748,0.09804164839777904,0.05540682269515984,0.0,0.0,0.08894982849107162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289234929103407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068879667156246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484715553915553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051810743103731134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016003924800872,0.09571439459353144,0.0,0.35394646995608753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186232154262949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484197043240875,0.0,0.07352181624554252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660968503011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793843721892404,0.0,0.10471172229575797,0.0,0.0,0.09056624273253698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450823366744893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772577423837294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21136500830185248,0.0,0.10419372711901652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040193899369287,0.25513052900387595,0.0,0.0,0.0875024745011422,0.0,0.08417766734009602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441153441025074,0.0,0.10807415590420176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hunterbelair,2020/03/20,"My boyfriend has BPD I'm trying to understand it better and find ways to help him deal with certain situations. Right now what triggered my post on here is the fact that his favorite person, our friend, is acting cold. Filip (name change to be at least a bit more discreet) kind of always texts in a cold manner, but I think it may be worse lately since he broke up with his partner. Zeke, my boyfriend, is taking this hard. Filip doesn't talk to him as much and it's hurting Zeke; he learns things from other people and not from Filip, so yeah? How could one help someone with BPD with their favourite person? Especially if the favourite person is distancing themselves? (I hope I gave enough information to help anyone help us; any questions are welcomed)",5.05504835589942,6.953312106382983,4.472920696324953,85.82454545454549,69.78014184397163,6.545712443584787,26.293359123146356,6.980632752743323,1.1510368794326236,601,19,110,5,11,180,103,141,0.081,0.743,0.175,0.9207,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,0,1,1,4,8,0,0,4,1,11,0,0,2,2,24,17,8,0,3,3,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,8,7,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,3,13,6,17,12,5,10,0,2,0,0,25,5,0,4,2,68,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960940861797358,0.0,0.0,0.09775320744643504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051157181348404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271329537962969,0.1569350046207843,0.0,0.3620898072683866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206576074771966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477065623763805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819732741976827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852956040586518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313825814068876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105893707731336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876949631045562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854035905241415,0.0,0.0,0.1427736702315884,0.0,0.0,0.1538846373856883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496908673059631,0.0,0.0,0.16215340493001104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567092866292588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097407004426601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996563947107248,0.3765442329761725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767033872688467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103006214173496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275955211822198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189093908480976,0.161578176642445,0.0,0.0,0.12179676302830515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080802062275808,0.11553876959783485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954994302870934,0.09210757312778008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759509483627142,0.0,0.0,0.14964618355510034,0.17291050466063382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410004908279582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464909504254871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Swimming-Act,2020/03/20,"when your FP hurts you i’ve gone through many FPs over the last few years. until recently i’ve had the same 2 for over a year now and one of them completely understands me. I grow distant a lot and always end up getting so angry at them when they don’t text me or are out doing fun things while i’m at home in bed. and then i hate myself and them because i’m never enough. then another FP comes around. things are good it’s a good relationship for me. im constantly reassured and have not gone crazy over them or freaked out on them because of it. until recently when i caught them in a lie. and it hurt me to the point where i cried for hours and contemplated killing myself because it’s my fault. whenever i open up to someone even the slightest bit deeper than i would to others, it ALWAYS goes south. i hated them. i screamed and cried the words i hate you all night. ended up sending some fucked up paragraph that probably pushed them away more. and now i’m back in this stupid cycle of hating and loving them. i know i should cut off all contact. it’s the best thing for me. but the feelings i have to go through before feeling better about it are. not. worth. it. to me. i wish i could do to them what i do best with other people and ghost them completely but i can’t. i’m struggling. i’m hurt. never mind that we’re quarantined. i’m going insane.",1.2470383693045548,3.5316525287769807,2.5405467625899303,93.3530743405276,83.06474820143885,5.577170263788968,20.41774580335732,6.88968998030894,0.3319046522781779,1065,31,229,13,30,342,153,278,0.17600000000000002,0.722,0.10099999999999999,-0.9505,0,1,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,3,12,3,12,23,8,1,11,0,14,2,0,0,4,40,38,24,2,4,6,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,17,17,0,0,4,0,1,9,6,15,0,1,4,3,40,8,38,31,11,54,0,3,0,2,20,22,1,4,23,162,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700769458519933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716546713626328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909795455383791,0.0,0.0,0.0960201353325217,0.07858538608701644,0.0,0.18690026336949905,0.0,0.08696455588367588,0.0,0.21450490159683588,0.09038747347993986,0.11157578066630712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803613242455782,0.2143092234646192,0.11044174454126936,0.0,0.08159827438271137,0.0,0.22452350074237276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103748786306126,0.10559977803774832,0.0,0.06750204552230626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335064280748862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448212634982234,0.053395210179318885,0.0,0.11616507447397782,0.171440792186412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4036048241245507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251479527526314,0.0,0.10064627828238903,0.0,0.3282212006878001,0.0,0.11039338942938844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306900604017127,0.0,0.05616637184819018,0.0833065286317402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688666866731579,0.09223936634349417,0.0,0.0,0.10361461999604396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031927275415549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764566925592166,0.0,0.0,0.09590764804736808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925327199961774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085251671612172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966119042792504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018873762929976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20182007010154326,0.10972440543700768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659361211572918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684148658797912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036911429649041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639366146666873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752479852520273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259985028953969,0.0,0.0,0.13162672180305374 bpd,justanotherlidian,2020/03/20,"New to Reddit, diagnosed a couple years ago, having a tough time coping with COVID lockdown Hi there. I was diagnosed as ""on the BPD spectrum"" a little over two years ago (black and white thinking, past attempts to self-medicate through substance abuse, porous notion of boundaries, pervasive feeling of emptiness / pointlessness / you know the drill). I have access to weekly therapy, but, as my city is experiencing a severe lockdown, I talk to my doc via Skype - not the best solution but it's there and I'm grateful for it. Right now I'm having trouble being *functional* in any meaningful way: one, I'm supposed to work from home but I can't do anything (blowing deadlines without even checking email); two, I *had* been working on a pretty big project I liked, but I'm veering between ""what's the point, there won't be any future for my professional field"" and ""oh shit no buyer is going to want to touch that right now"". Several things that definitely help me setting some kind of pace are sadly off the table and will be for an indefinite amount of time (for instance: no long walks - a physical activity I really enjoy - and no direct face-to-face conversations with regular people in my neighborhood, a smaller facet of my life that's been a big coping thing.) I understand I'm catastrophizing but... well. :) &#x200B; I also live with people. I'm not ""making an effort"" to be stable around them ( I have some practice with this, luckily), but they don't know the specifics of my diagnosis and this is not the time to share. &#x200B; Thanks.",4.333544441424301,6.849474413427565,5.041572438162547,78.303723158467,73.41696113074204,7.746072302256048,29.259173688502308,8.617729084823388,2.588794618102745,1221,52,206,24,26,393,172,283,0.12,0.732,0.14800000000000002,0.8703,0,2,0,0,1,0,68.0,0,1,2,5,9,11,1,0,17,0,21,4,1,1,0,32,36,15,0,1,10,0,2,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,10,11,0,0,6,0,1,2,10,4,1,3,4,5,20,7,36,26,4,31,0,1,2,0,9,13,1,3,15,136,30,4,0.0,0.13280216759050126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987128365003299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963417935147361,0.0,0.2428876822683716,0.27239061665095265,0.15244302409417446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922362455961715,0.09977924124250624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762608945492033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116689021154633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240197066276764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275274386864892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403095766939828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056673445994002834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370037859225848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512808322484826,0.0,0.11243019986708606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671907801032975,0.12319775688465645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791688136506914,0.054758974887733715,0.11233842195917862,0.09897293772612288,0.09919152674732384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481747876544786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450095243360546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825220466927886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595156573702391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699763057016516,0.1554109842211588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595637125831472,0.0,0.0,0.11403054353845622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180439721033498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19143962484916552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169288980830012,0.2532478555966779,0.11505344328396075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008952185668836,0.0,0.1031926308584688,0.12817874464712334,0.0,0.14892833015441104,0.0718194182900245,0.0,0.0,0.19607265629055987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21898113899858565,0.11668423656477865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611052295621038,0.0889677023692866,0.0899076710118134,0.0,0.10077770198717728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080457538170901,0.0,0.16319814827242726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27239061665095265,0.14435788122514673 bpd,JakotaBear,2020/03/20,"Side Effect I went to see a new therapist on Wednesday for extreme anger. It's been going on for years but has gotten even worse over the past few months. Depression/anxiety with no manic episodes. Basically fit BPD exactly with the exception of self harm. I haven't been technically diagnosed because my doctor said we would need to examine that further but that it seems highly likely that is what I have going on. He prescribed Lexapro which I started the same day. This morning at around 1 am my brother came home from work and I woke up and walked in to talk to him. I got really lightheaded and sat down and he said within like 30 seconds I was out cold. I was tensed up, balled up fists, and unresponsive. He started screaming right in my face, slapping the table and my face but nothing worked. When I came to he said my pupils were dilated to the size of dimes and I was extremely confused, sweaty, and weak. Two nurses that I work with in the ER said it sounds like I had a seizure. I am waiting on my VA to open so I can contact my doctor. Kind of freaking out. I've never had a seizure and have only passed out once in my life and that was about 7 years ago.",2.8119991789819347,4.888375922413793,3.6720197044334975,88.4130459770115,76.41379310344827,6.8328407224958925,25.702791461412147,7.793537801064563,1.4048774220032842,922,34,187,14,21,294,143,232,0.13,0.8290000000000001,0.040999999999999995,-0.9688,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,0,4,5,10,1,1,9,0,18,7,2,1,2,35,37,15,0,2,4,1,0,3,0,1,5,6,1,1,11,21,0,1,3,1,1,7,3,6,1,2,20,8,24,4,37,16,2,44,0,0,1,0,14,25,0,2,15,121,35,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310441243616233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760908666503804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358574164423475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778013875793635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16070021900966294,0.0,0.0,0.29186716660182177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228759625063914,0.0,0.0,0.12950525853772704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611958005620465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427465599858011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502925970012062,0.0,0.10204860481713422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13481010217492906,0.12798721934630486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286955156947824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090123439521378,0.1870079997657345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184434051143193,0.0,0.0,0.09460935937135123,0.09840838483789714,0.12323111299372595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242991672176134,0.0,0.0,0.13588348184541266,0.0,0.09704101236025196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180294288819132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174000532466122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896460775712524,0.4854845797742194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016759253336324,0.1161568163321878,0.1331084045439994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806234277823716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025552512430532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814650762435244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464083094599428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828094770101195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786699288698232,0.0,0.1300292211697658,0.0906391408046672,0.0,0.0,0.16433274894621538 bpd,coolstarfish55,2020/03/20,"I might have BPD I’m 17 and I’ve always felt like something is wrong with me. I looked up the symptoms for BPD and I related to most of them. The one thing I couldn’t relate to was self harm. I’ve thought about suicide but I could never harm myself. I have a fear of abandonment and I’m always lonely but I tend to drive others away and lash out on people close to me. Afterwards, I have a deep feeling of guilt and regret. I love my family but I tend to act in ways that may make them think otherwise. I have no sense of self and I have a ton of interests but none of them make me feel fulfilled. I feel empty inside and I get a thrill from doing dangerous things. I have social anxiety and I’ve been depressed. I’ve been to a therapist once and they thought I may have ADD or ADHD but we never got the results back after taking the test for it. My parents probably won’t take me seriously if I bring this up to them but I really need help. Maybe I don’t have BPD but it sure would explain all the issues I’ve dealt with my whole life. What are some steps I can take to improve?",0.3741081625797769,2.5620111353711827,2.3760043668122286,93.71527964393688,86.11790393013098,5.6191467920725575,18.414679207255627,7.010146845296331,0.15882519314746402,846,22,189,12,26,282,129,229,0.19399999999999998,0.687,0.11900000000000001,-0.9551,1,2,1,0,0,1,15.0,1,0,5,0,2,16,1,2,10,0,23,3,0,3,4,50,46,18,1,6,9,1,4,1,0,5,2,0,0,2,8,15,0,1,8,0,0,4,7,11,0,1,7,5,34,5,27,32,6,18,0,4,1,1,13,8,0,7,6,131,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617028597201467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024044158997257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304321940158447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427121594425015,0.09352254704196628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4595493999398622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710811175566912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475591537590727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465775222145425,0.1368625673083197,0.1844926105550633,0.0,0.11677960966093867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635443344425594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972750698939501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152304815213951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269454838340091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590772891246101,0.05942010437260865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213483701839084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977181518747826,0.0,0.1623720095656573,0.0,0.12218922116886105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902549731419327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018381056714657,0.1876102574927101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952725044729338,0.08241662618063281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350507893765658,0.0,0.0,0.0843198482258264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113292320050887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791644721979812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25376396627258346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398194029346145,0.0,0.0936332970736792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303862044765882,0.0,0.11463064957203503,0.1264155249479482,0.2743418506693644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121664778785742,0.16160523347919212,0.07793274690628367,0.0,0.19311421559431072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654070718840993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579059264332285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639930719975117,0.13297845519528154,0.0,0.0 bpd,BrownAndyeh,2020/03/20,"Glad I found you. I’m a husband who wants to Suppprt his wife I am a husband with a 45 year old woman who may have BPD. She is a beautiful loving person and a fantastic wife and mother, however she’s always had an erratic side to her that has never made any sense. She has had a very Trumatic childhood and life experiences up until she met me, although she claims that our relationship has been dramatic as well. Recently our doctor suggested to me that this is something we should look at, BPD could be a diagnosis that may help my wife. The problem is she can’t get assessed because she’s been diagnosed with an aggressive breast cancer and that must be addressed first, however is she is caught up in holistic healing and has so far refused all Western medicine, scans, even staging to know the severity of her cancer. -She has no coping skills -Feels scared when we have heated discussions -She is very particular/sensitive to body language and speech when we discuss important topics -She has fibromyalgia for past 12 years, has not worked -She had isolated herself from all family and friends. ( had very few friend when we met, zero now) everyone she trusts is online. -abusive step mother for 15 years, sexual assaults from father, birth mother moved out when she was age 3, her soulmate died suddenly due to a closet drug addiction, divorce and abortion at age 20, many inappropriate sexual advances from former employers/chiropractor/therapist",9.794438549955792,9.173565478927204,9.1488122605364,65.22933687002654,58.961685823754785,12.781727085175367,40.76657824933688,11.95083700844419,5.133240848806367,1174,54,186,31,13,374,170,261,0.11800000000000001,0.763,0.11900000000000001,0.0772,3,0,2,0,1,0,32.0,6,1,0,4,8,10,2,1,12,0,32,11,2,1,4,31,44,16,1,5,1,9,1,0,2,4,8,1,2,2,8,15,0,1,3,0,0,4,4,4,1,2,12,4,31,6,22,25,3,34,0,0,2,2,51,8,0,2,21,130,39,2,0.0,0.16294614874963395,0.0,0.14992394062126282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144328787395112,0.0,0.0,0.09352258374459724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383474145542236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276068969952872,0.3464190608976046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109803540873976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958627536544696,0.14273056202295864,0.0,0.0,0.1407639711052002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948681860653974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083480834192682,0.0,0.0,0.131412250400236,0.0,0.13452708727744594,0.1296475336091753,0.0,0.06953741741300956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697978021989786,0.0,0.15079046331625012,0.21250491957699505,0.0,0.07185180308962022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921809639597073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755808447375987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713887596500577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548743507054182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241228335906258,0.13013068771939404,0.0,0.13943005839211298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461686669749324,0.0,0.0,0.10606874237658794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443106923875372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312843919875262,0.0,0.12008263967998488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159407292605488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579060638369805,0.14765175279034926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768779405786166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536554672746794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587444628995844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596786064224407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34042074216934737,0.08111656084376483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365263848165847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012076695187086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656872385527676 bpd,GrownUpGalois,2020/03/20,"Friend of mine with BPD isn't responding to me and I don't know what to do anymore. We met on Reddit in one of those ""make new friends subs"", only after a few messages back and forth she let me know that she had BPD and that it would put a strain on any relationships she has with people. I wasn't sure what it was, I really didn't even know what to say after, I have struggles with my own mental health too, and I personally believe that just being there for someone can me immensely helpful for that sort of thing. And so I was. As I have come to learn now she is a wonderful person, somebody who I wish everyone I know could meet, somebody who can always put a smile on my face. It turns out too that if you're there for someone they're there for you, during my worse depressive episodes she was there, she made everything feel okay. We end up becoming more than friends, distance is a bitch but I thought we were soldier through it, I thought we were going to be okay. That someday I would get her out of the amazingly shitty situation she is in, someday we would be together in person. We first started talking in April of last year, by December I think I was becoming a worse and worse version of myself. I wasn't there, for myself, for her, for my family, or for my friends. I was somebody else, someone selfish and aloof to everyone important in my life. I understood what being treated like that meant to someone with BPD, I had read Tumblr pages, and forums, and this subreddit, I knew. The pain I feel now thinking about what it was like for her, how alone she must've felt, is like nothing I've ever felt in my life. In early January a dear friend of mine was in trouble, he had gotten into a lot of bad things and was on the verge of doing some really awful things to himself. I hadn't been there. For anyone, I just wasn't there. He managed to help him, to get him somewhere that would give him the treatment he needed, and he is okay to this day. But it put a strain on me, and I started seeing him when I talked to her, I started thinking that I would mess things up again and get her in trouble too. That if I wasn't careful something would happen and I would lose her. She would be gone forever. If I said the wrong thing, if I wasn't there at the right time. I would lose her. I couldn't handle the pressure, it started eating me alive, so I had to cut things off with her. I just wanted some time, I needed to figure out what was going on with me, and we could be friends until I figured that out. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. She put on a good front for me, she made me feel better about it like she always, always did. And a week or two later I was feeling better, I worked what I needed to out and when I told her she didn't want to go back to more than friends. She was working things out too and she wanted time, and of course I couldn't argue with that logic. We stayed in contact, and we talked everyday pretty much. I hope I'm not rambling too much. In the last two weeks things have taken a turn, she doesn't talk to me as much, going days at a time before responding. We talked about that for what little time she did give me and she said she didn't love me anymore. She said while we were together she had cried herself to sleep so many nights, and she had never told me, she didn't blame me but she said the pain outweighs the good. That was about a week ago. I think she is isolating herself, she hasn't responded to any of my messages. I don't know what to do, I don't know if she is okay, I don't know if she is hurting or if she just wants me to leave her alone. I don't know if I should keep trying to get through to her. She doesn't have very many, if any other people to talk to. I'm afraid if I leave her alone like this something bad will happen to her. I'm sorry this has been so long.",3.763753014612004,4.287251392230576,4.507138128339719,89.56608100439779,71.41854636591478,7.426150281363786,25.582919563058592,7.281374121172456,0.9616746772591859,2993,84,665,28,53,962,272,798,0.12300000000000001,0.758,0.12,-0.5214,0,3,2,0,0,0,89.0,11,1,0,7,36,48,3,5,25,5,87,10,2,4,4,133,159,49,0,33,21,0,6,5,7,11,6,5,0,3,49,48,1,1,28,1,0,11,23,21,0,4,56,12,138,27,102,81,12,87,0,4,1,1,106,34,1,19,46,488,187,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04203514560677642,0.0,0.0,0.14733907621787798,0.0,0.0,0.11837221398886692,0.0,0.0,0.0967420851222962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405619125611828,0.033157306002752115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292641254572882,0.07918777153032805,0.0,0.10474376926727452,0.040351097036073716,0.053426326114544134,0.0,0.08387862563486549,0.0,0.0,0.17917224340627794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04834805369017371,0.0,0.0,0.04084830292119944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757223412259386,0.0,0.05208886237200381,0.06116421128980331,0.0,0.040842948267228105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04852732793907167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04852270246325294,0.039613491780836486,0.0,0.0420002216173028,0.0,0.0,0.031320594480438516,0.08578857044987058,0.0,0.09062406537049623,0.042618217558531686,0.0,0.04470354371505539,0.0,0.09590831055916144,0.0,0.09106165582981048,0.0,0.0,0.040335597394408784,0.0,0.0,0.25645709903854097,0.0,0.09910038798285542,0.09097955250091412,0.1077999684968685,0.07954762685971246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386705146313465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05040545450543914,0.0,0.0,0.06356952018063051,0.0,0.0,0.04709895773781654,0.0,0.0,0.05076430423740829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04214925206308158,0.0,0.0,0.20848721160763772,0.07730758321940198,0.0,0.1004222884800344,0.0,0.0484903667145922,0.1004828676777618,0.11583557072720252,0.0475274975432372,0.0,0.04196538425211692,0.0,0.10610214704740743,0.0,0.04031495777688611,0.0427985813766564,0.08974027851035735,0.031653351330750916,0.09615327861637672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0477884076563935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457790841556353,0.10548443101235896,0.03657338114835665,0.045798724085146285,0.0,0.0445006448148537,0.0,0.04550096026474143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03213315436532607,0.03606519848811821,0.10091687109198803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575039102335994,0.12421646713008215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048243390670445266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19068159182022265,0.0,0.0,0.0474330319904566,0.0,0.06075718801262706,0.0,0.0,0.05091154765323511,0.0,0.040496591197458784,0.18042987502518695,0.03771044587909564,0.0,0.0,0.03778775941668276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053302290966477095,0.04745444571193444,0.0,0.16071592430643591,0.07301277249589705,0.0,0.05308303089174941,0.13425704485423826,0.05054362311386916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04957388845355059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044692976749894885,0.0,0.0,0.22868736024818254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835348605526001,0.12153979615544964,0.0,0.07529268288937861,0.13825549809859122,0.0,0.0,0.09062406537049623,0.0,0.03219520265645416,0.10315911981232112,0.0926452888002332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03912663075914215,0.1118786489105277,0.0,0.1141128708756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453088906449114,0.0,0.0514251834509935,0.06904493988616962,0.0,0.14497570326246495,0.30317354198652113,0.05184654390835403,0.0,0.030537053688399762 bpd,GriffinShaw,2020/03/20,"Did anyone else think they were trans? The whole constant identity crisis thing is p fucky. For the longest time I thought I was struggling with some sort of gender/sexuality crisis, but it seems like bpd was the root of most of it. I still don’t feel like I exist, so it’s not like a solution has been found, just wondering if anyone has felt similar. On the plus side, I’m very well researched on the subjects, and am a better ally for it! Trans rights. Life is pain. Hope y’all are enjoying animal crossing and/or doom.",3.96970588235294,5.628611411764709,4.653088235294117,84.41139705882355,72.13725490196079,7.845098039215688,25.495098039215684,8.472884824447931,1.6410156862745096,412,13,81,7,8,132,78,102,0.146,0.642,0.212,0.8747,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,1,1,4,10,0,1,7,0,12,2,0,1,0,19,21,5,0,2,4,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,7,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,8,2,6,7,9,13,3,8,1,1,0,0,2,4,0,7,6,50,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859445328248817,0.2095067381951037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18083974026089444,0.0,0.0,0.25752656861277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209626580749129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708109428415776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338768571316834,0.1460755424295244,0.19632613271079735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22419407579216252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20308781216666028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442531736764716,0.29968551866075216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21757367408070016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461881327144646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18614452746460397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329239116786984,0.0,0.0,0.2137595613616308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584276658790573,0.1310180335082741,0.0,0.1623287114470966,0.11922984277127835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871162802710687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18384577110501055,0.0,0.0,0.2282867873045136,0.0,0.0,0.22174223165337453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cactusgirl69420,2020/03/20,Things ended with my fp It’s a long story and I can’t bare with the details but we’re really over. It’s really over between us and I’ll never see him again. How the fuck do I deal with this before I kill myself?,-1.7126785714285724,0.2188690416666681,1.5884523809523827,95.8875,98.16666666666666,4.40952380952381,11.023809523809524,6.1826913282559595,-1.0386940476190474,166,2,39,2,7,59,37,48,0.23399999999999999,0.7659999999999999,0.0,-0.9231,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,8,4,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,7,0,6,4,0,6,0,0,1,1,3,2,1,0,4,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665268016979851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229156442527041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774195885742273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895664641503677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465310694090928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27718948103801144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415742574740508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4013129800830892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24959546085345685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20808917808331134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3767646015126503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,obiwancanneloni,2020/03/20,"Feel like removing all my social media atm Sometimes I have the omnipresent urge to deactivate my social media accounts for a couple of weeks. We're currently in a lockdown situation so the only social contact I still have is via (video)chat. But I still feel like removing all of it and make stuff worse for myself?! Can anyone relate?",4.578087431693992,7.410932737704923,5.397950819672133,74.4699316939891,74.08196721311475,7.3453551912568305,28.19945355191257,8.344100000000001,2.5519158469945347,271,11,41,5,6,88,45,61,0.051,0.856,0.09300000000000001,0.3720000000000001,1,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,1,2,7,7,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,6,7,2,7,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,6,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430466885930456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263632393152676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20688300540615,0.29230315995267936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19989434379785276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655835279139886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559186915692175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299558419053915,0.0,0.6256288724015749,0.0,0.0,0.20233427947161628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267547814010384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23419449302839065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410127231331256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20848390875927705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kitkatchunky78,2020/03/20,Social distancing finally my years of practice will come in handy! What a time to be alive fellow BPDers 😆,2.1563333333333325,5.0444633,2.9400000000000013,85.85833333333333,91.0,6.666666666666668,21.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.6676666666666669,86,3,15,2,3,27,20,20,0.0,0.855,0.145,0.4389,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4456710952380684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5667569178054426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5273966985558837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016844023074757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331712994027414 bpd,harl3qu1nx,2020/03/20,"Absolute fail. I've been going to the shops regularly and early and there's still no bloody toilet roll. Hasn't been for 9 days (the length of time I've been searching for it) There is half a roll in the house. I don't know how much more I can take tbh.",0.10933333333333196,2.1389563272727297,1.7159090909090935,99.08719696969698,85.72727272727272,5.121212121212121,14.62121212121212,6.42735559955562,-0.8445151515151523,198,3,49,2,6,64,42,55,0.16699999999999998,0.833,0.0,-0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,1,0,4,10,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,1,3,1,0,1,3,0,2,0,5,7,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,29,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055198020222949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692344455904354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5466264386618473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603522970023351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482496403399781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3783252815824348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561896675166734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276238614162378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Downvotes_dumbasses,2020/03/20,"This body is a vessel, and I'd like one of the other voices to take over now (metaphorically) TW: SI I feel like I have competing ""voices,"" or aspects of my personality that compete with each other for priority in my thinking and feeling. Lately, the *emotionally dysregulated coward* has been in charge, and the buried voices would very much like him to die. The irony is, he wants to die too. When I'm in that deep depression, I don't want to be there; I hate my life when I'm in that state, but I get stuck there, like I'm always waiting for someone to come along and tell me what to do, because I can't figure it out myself. Then I have moments of clarity - I've been doing ""the work"": being more physically active, eating a little better, trying to keep a more regular sleep schedule, going to therapy, taking the medications the doctors prescribed, listening to podcasts, reading books recommended by psychiatrists and therapists. It's all baby steps. Most days it barely feels like I'm making any progress, but my SO is noticing the changes. I'm starting to see a little, too. But I truly did want to die. I felt powerless, and hated every aspect of my life. So I agreed with the *voice* that said it wanted to die, I just wasn't willing to let it take this body with it. It's pretty deeply ingrained, though. Metastasized. Soaked through all the little nooks, crannies and folds, tied up in the threads of memory, values, and identity. Here, in this tangled web of experience and form, it would take something akin to chemotherapy - strip the whole system bare till the worst part dies, then start the gruelling work of rebuilding. So here I am, trying to do the work, mostly feeling like an incompetent failure, struggling with the most basic aspects of being human. I don't want to harm this body anymore, but I do plan on radically altering this mind.",5.985063275278788,7.04528944092219,6.514662323017171,75.22721463475757,66.69452449567723,9.03190076431525,30.937100613958147,9.20300075937882,2.731285528129308,1464,55,257,26,23,477,196,347,0.14300000000000002,0.721,0.136,-0.6937,1,0,1,0,0,2,63.0,0,0,0,8,14,13,2,1,21,0,25,9,4,1,2,46,59,23,5,7,6,0,5,6,0,3,4,6,0,2,20,17,1,2,7,2,0,3,4,6,0,1,7,12,22,7,44,45,13,31,0,1,1,0,7,14,0,4,18,176,42,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161387869702801,0.0,0.0,0.058527890248781474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535443130201519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052465087580745834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611845954896522,0.0,0.28680006014842435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104650771195308,0.07413831283040867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05550550581472604,0.0,0.07412859431133112,0.0,0.44661504926125456,0.0,0.0,0.08809228661097321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806709305738415,0.0,0.09681276329427303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251438999620301,0.0,0.0,0.08418914752360504,0.0,0.0,0.17407039761206103,0.18445688848270264,0.0826369401415424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04496597802399028,0.0,0.048913340432689655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699448844850723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649949230568266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970862945076286,0.0,0.0,0.08800840474775133,0.1215820445443648,0.25228525540546803,0.2587824875641273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05744978114799822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670252768079614,0.0,0.0,0.0869022128255693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632684765731039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979868100846915,0.0,0.0,0.05832060771680168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932011847549335,0.0,0.0,0.07514958713253195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756015143211407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608937734787038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186855733256536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858352804028771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612824254099356,0.0,0.07292351591720031,0.06625787830596769,0.0,0.0,0.1218360382105864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997496070960881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588439443941421,0.0,0.07522555324188954,0.0,0.09842407080954924,0.09992936013501526,0.0,0.055147673124263566,0.08455949314488702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686644660793735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101353504984229,0.2538200389858635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608971213922657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879714083536998,0.0,0.0,0.12227775718837215,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,KatConnors,2020/03/20,"Please. Please. Can someone put into words the ""unstable sense of self"" I feel like I really struggle with my self-perception. Sometimes I think I'm amazing. Sometimes I think I'm the worst. I'm a hard worker, Idk am I? I'm an exceptional person, no wait. I'm not. I have no idea what I am. It's like I don't know myself. My perception of who I am changes on a dime. I feel like I have this core belief of who I am but it can change and shift so dramatically from one moment to the next. it causes me to feel really... idk isolated/inconsistent. Like I'm constantly in flux. I can't even point to my good traits or my bad ones. I really have no idea. I feel like I see how everyone perceives me and it corrupts my own view. Please is this what they are talking about?",-0.8030000000000008,1.3316322000000014,1.87725,93.00275,98.875,5.5600000000000005,17.65,7.087006719466742,0.3872675000000001,592,18,133,12,25,203,89,160,0.132,0.711,0.156,0.6969,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,1,4,10,0,1,6,0,13,0,0,2,0,24,28,6,0,0,4,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,10,4,0,1,12,0,1,1,6,3,0,2,0,7,25,7,13,28,2,8,1,0,2,0,6,4,0,1,8,82,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480066940524813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893957121160596,0.2655587026469555,0.0,0.0,0.13563827319956293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290217553257312,0.0,0.0,0.1199359766225464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538587702086559,0.2690061004576552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527691818305453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124377381619725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833847134632259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898034543927622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066040404609804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348775645205466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010586470657774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095957844232037,0.0,0.4133368346837125,0.11865324947001575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617831061431076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412264110424621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002005121904747,0.0,0.2618812545150777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063493524688148,0.0,0.24827719056420905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312166410179488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088505659972057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608512495087732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shoegayss,2020/03/20,"I'm kinda going off the rails The past few days something happened and I'm kinda going off the rails. Nothing that I can think of set it off--it just kinda came out of nowhere. Working from home I'm getting drunk and taking hour-long naps. I'm rummaging through my ex-room mate's secret ashtray on the balcony trying to smoke her old roaches. I'm modeling how I interact with people off a character in this show I like. I feel completely disconnected from everything. Weirdly enough I haven't gone on any online shopping binges but I've been looking. I'm getting the urge to cut. I started smoking cigarettes again. I'm restricting my caloric intake to roughly 700 a day and already losing weight. I've been minimizing it when I talk to other people. My boyfriend knows I started smoking again--although it came up briefly as we were saying goodbye so I don't know how he feel about it--but when it comes to anything else I just allude to the fact that I'm ""so over everything."" I miss being younger when I got to do this shit all the time, miss being in college where this all made me fun, miss how it felt when I got out of the hospital and everyone babied me and I got to move back home where I didn't know anyone anymore and was completely removed from what felt like my real life. I really am just over it, over fucking everything. Just posting to ""tell someone"" without actually having to tell anyone.",4.0368,5.82200568,4.8610000000000015,82.47550000000003,72.2,7.472727272727273,30.681818181818183,8.150884317080207,2.307945454545455,1122,50,207,17,22,363,153,275,0.098,0.866,0.036000000000000004,-0.9332,0,0,3,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,0,2,18,11,3,0,10,0,13,5,1,4,3,40,50,17,0,0,6,0,6,2,1,0,1,1,2,0,13,13,2,1,9,4,1,8,4,8,0,0,14,8,24,3,34,34,4,38,0,4,1,1,10,15,2,3,15,122,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.11039282091813996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483527733586496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692827950122398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218872780069412,0.1581980272885057,0.0,0.09309151039909047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698546408598799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587677090014157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744641105161994,0.2372169711087992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591139530306085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945006849051249,0.0,0.0,0.11688745398310738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809494267482957,0.3050059891967306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439790622444836,0.0,0.21723378721879832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458142432830893,0.11820536536587142,0.0,0.12858208652832176,0.0,0.2714270739950626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003528404019203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269454280678808,0.0,0.11140446921297918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18651017057412603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990291009365305,0.11053345997024376,0.0,0.0,0.1001112847126058,0.09499576816919726,0.12655695212830026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704077577564096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202330348151712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854564229399877,0.0,0.11870473242400074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798977098991992,0.1568520396753594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834163474802888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876001242227153,0.07247020676526511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899608391850008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612028159529257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958496981668861,0.08708847285992316,0.0,0.0,0.16013966607964186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505525834312133,0.09092488106561764,0.19775093073841885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248536712860258,0.0,0.0,0.06596358298581763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680385052968358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775470003438856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904761300755612,0.0,0.08235570528060156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chinook2018,2020/03/20,"I finally blocked her after a year I finally blocked my fp a year after she left. I tried a couple times to apologize and make things right and everytime she would blame me for everything and put me down and eventually I gave up and left her alone. After 6 months I wrote her a short letter at christmas telling her I was doing well and was in dbt and I wished her a merry christmas. I never directly reached out to her but when she got the letter she blocked me on instagram, removed me as a friend on facebook, unfriended me on facebook and deleted her account on the game where we'd first met. After talking to one of my good friends this weekend I realized there was a lot of stuff she did that was manipulative and borderline gaslighting that she'd tried to convince me was normal. Like how my family spent $4000 for me to meet her and she'd been encouraging me to come and then afterwards she started saying she'd never wanted me to come and there was the issue of how she was embarrased of me because we met online and she refused to tell anyone about me in real life and she told me it was normal to hide your friends when you're embarassed of them. Or when she'd make huge promises to me and then months later she told me she'd never intended to keep them in the first place and EVERYONE makes big promises that they have no intent to keep and I shouldn't have expected her to be serious about it. Or when we'd get into fights and I would want to calmly talk things out after and she would put it off for months and would act like nothing happened and then she'd tell me it was healthy to not talk about fights for months and that everyone did it and it was wrong for me to want to talk things out. There's so much more like how she blasted me on reddit revealing my name and what country I lived in and spread lies about me and how she defended a friend to my face who was blatantly gaslighting me and who was talking terribly about her (which I had screenshots to prove.) Theres been so much stuff and everyone has been telling me she's just being a miserable bitch to me and she's refusing to get help and to try and recover from what happened in our friendship and now I see the truth. I blocked her on everything and I don't want her back in my life. I still care for her but I did everything I could to make her happy and try and salvage our friendship but she's just treating me like shit and I'm not going to take it anymore. I'm ready to move on and leave her in the past.",4.911732283464566,5.310832368110237,5.304793307086616,85.30494586614175,68.82283464566929,8.790944881889763,29.654527559055122,8.751876143730069,2.0566425196850395,1985,70,418,31,32,633,208,508,0.10800000000000001,0.727,0.165,0.9875,0,1,0,0,2,1,18.0,5,1,3,2,26,27,4,1,15,0,40,4,2,11,6,98,72,56,0,14,9,0,0,4,4,5,2,1,0,0,22,44,0,8,3,2,2,8,8,8,1,3,27,2,93,19,70,29,4,72,0,1,1,0,80,30,2,3,38,311,115,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746808696185324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417943756571707,0.0523004446093501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05751498326778914,0.0,0.045596117614621484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626146417875246,0.0,0.0,0.12886356956375292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597200525375734,0.08276247549554794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21441785307242808,0.20167064175095026,0.0,0.07051282187150112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387492992864255,0.0,0.12724614461357167,0.0,0.0,0.2311547489383148,0.0,0.07815765177110942,0.0,0.04250938149794342,0.06273694630131173,0.05982272932336862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228710677619945,0.07962377640797186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050135468918585724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806959508232961,0.0,0.13296765561519155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920019702080558,0.1625363172719916,0.0,0.10566396547683413,0.14616994155333765,0.0,0.06604793347779672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635905165505096,0.0,0.0,0.1997127689248129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388119436399944,0.07949835134286548,0.10997015471232577,0.0,0.1730663005101358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14657216045507976,0.07177062128632608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05068500619042878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140307793768642,0.0,0.0,0.07814790618599596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038513729355008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513640799463412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638770147554928,0.0,0.05948230793327521,0.0,0.0,0.05960425790079647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677898972180161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05294235256349916,0.0,0.05973371531207935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712514456771794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056238726916559865,0.30059867289695325,0.2615067147625187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907724276433704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043615268500060325,0.0,0.0,0.1429452353816187,0.0,0.2031315105130581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647100400220428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725231270100497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601391629281684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21253718445937592,0.08177978324415258,0.0,0.0963348159123868 bpd,mazdagoddess,2020/03/20,"How do you guys find motivation? I'm finding that I'm constantly frustrated with myself for being lazy and not going out to try new things or just do things I've been intending to do like eat healthier or exercise. I'm always thinking ""I need to just do it"", but then I wake up the next day and just... don't. I don't care to or want to, sometimes because I feel like it's not worth spending money on (if it's something like a craft/DIY project) or I think it's not worth learning how to do it because I'll get bored of it quickly and it won't matter anymore. I've never been able to find consistent hobbies because of my constantly changing sense of self and just simply not knowing what I want to do with my life and what paths I want to follow, which is a very predominant characteristic of my BPD. Hell, I graduated in August and I'm still sitting around trying to figure out what the fuck I want to do with my life or for a career. The only time I find the true motivation for things is when I'm manic, which isn't often, or when I get little bursts of happiness and self-reflection at 3am that's gone when I wake up the next day. I'd love to know I'm not alone in this and get some advice or recommendations or just a different perspective. I'm open to anything.",6.618277972027973,5.081225973484852,7.526969696969701,77.26814685314687,65.78030303030303,10.6988344988345,33.18648018648018,9.661875296680813,2.798552214452213,1003,34,213,17,13,340,129,264,0.086,0.772,0.142,0.9171,1,1,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,0,2,14,11,3,0,9,0,16,8,2,5,2,61,42,24,0,6,20,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,18,15,1,0,13,1,4,3,10,4,0,0,3,1,18,7,33,37,1,31,1,0,0,2,4,11,2,11,19,133,36,6,0.11427710886438253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167026818871896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835662061070085,0.0,0.0,0.09508770912348806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333218481829815,0.0,0.0,0.09404032355467153,0.10173085504332788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089867946458535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392801815484604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651312865729806,0.0,0.12089002857462727,0.0,0.0,0.2469859139914163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473985626163767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939525612051202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693401167976715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057781939884763135,0.08163958940636089,0.0,0.0,0.4177888287906418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564734570832206,0.1791152183037303,0.0,0.06494631448463581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131523043972004,0.0,0.12165010736033995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560742085455984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161434603133056,0.16749006909421593,0.11453568475580793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313955242632004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473502822295098,0.08813755131650608,0.11036954384695877,0.2430700034456096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691289081510925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384318949138377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797610147820119,0.11302298272498175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126184675685528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277618998418841,0.14644831410576273,0.0,0.0,0.06663590117098715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517331114495786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429058288013464,0.2696143985040353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,catallena_x,2020/03/20,"I think i'm not ok Hi! I'm brazilian, i have 16 years old, and i think i need help. Recently i feel so paranoid with my relationships, emotional instability, impulsivity, and chronic feeling of empty and rage. I can't to say that to my family or friends. Some advice? (sorry if i made any mistakes in the text, inglish is very difficult for me).",2.195714285714285,4.6273916417910455,4.874200426439232,77.164776119403,80.34328358208955,8.007675906183369,28.974413646055442,8.841846274778883,2.7744473347547967,268,13,51,7,7,95,53,67,0.217,0.6579999999999999,0.125,-0.7642,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,1,3,1,0,1,0,15,11,6,0,3,3,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,10,2,6,10,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,3,3,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252837816900183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17595213064238202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29104777060298337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439171252300015,0.0,0.2616535228881448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19990194814159185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17342802523156464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448261248717754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19185249483470493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27150419485209554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25547461968845553,0.27779002093753696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20576050097059212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896383422339348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315803985053373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21348766790252385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662013186574628 bpd,sorryexcuses,2020/03/20,"You are not a unique snowflake, but the power within you is limitless. Because I need to be reminded too. Peace is a choice. People have the capacity to survive the impossible and if you have survived this far then that alone makes you worth the effort. When noone is there to be your advocate, be your own best friend. And fight like hell for your safety and happiness. Fight like your life depends on it. Because it does.",3.48028481012658,6.136561126582277,3.646060126582281,86.51060917721522,76.9746835443038,6.987974683544303,25.064873417721518,8.07648339933343,1.608125316455696,335,12,63,6,8,103,56,79,0.136,0.546,0.318,0.9721,1,1,0,0,2,0,10.0,0,8,0,5,3,8,3,0,6,0,9,1,0,2,0,9,11,7,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,9,5,6,8,2,6,1,0,0,0,11,3,1,2,5,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435962818701109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40446736442093295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3481545342958671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29031947634362026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563117129474676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531574690324805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23432710868005305,0.3241557292077525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22144784883593555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459908072006287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299959094394453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lettucenot2,2020/03/20,"Got ghosted by my FP I apologize for format, I’m on mobile. I have been seeing someone for around 2 months. He became my FP very quickly, and we talked all day every day. Whether it was about serious issues, or just sending memes, there was constant communication. Saturday, we were supposed to meet up and he didn’t reply until it was late at night. It hurt, but I tried to be understanding. We didn’t argue over it, and I avoided even bringing it up. We continued to speak, and everything was going great as always. Then, Sunday, I received a message just saying “I’m irritated,” and when I asked why, there was no reply. Every message I sent would be left on open with no reply. So Tuesday I decided to text him to let them know that if they don’t want to talk to me, it’s okay, but I need them to tell me. He assured me that it wasn’t anything personal and that he just was not in a talking mood. Since then, he has left all my messages on delivered, but posted a bunch about going out with his friends, that someone has him in his feelings, and asked people to message him because he was bored. So today, I exploded and split in messages. It ended with me blocking him on all social media’s because there was still no response. I’m on edge and I have been trying my best to keep my mind off of it, but nothing is working. I’ve cried until I’ve vomited. I keep making up scenarios in my head about him with someone else, and even him making fun of me to his friends. I can’t understand how or why someone would just disappear when everything seemed to be going perfect... I’m at a loss and have no one to talk to about it, so I posted here for comfort. Any coping mechanisms are welcome and any advice.",4.71800586510264,5.257968351906161,5.78461876832845,81.1969281524927,69.29325513196481,8.311436950146627,30.749266862170092,8.296473431620573,2.212992961876833,1332,52,261,18,22,443,170,341,0.109,0.782,0.109,0.6369,0,1,0,0,0,0,45.0,4,0,3,4,23,17,1,1,4,1,29,2,1,3,5,59,53,31,1,5,13,0,1,0,2,2,1,2,0,1,14,23,0,4,6,0,0,8,10,6,0,1,16,4,41,10,49,31,5,51,0,2,1,0,47,21,0,4,20,188,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886262245916587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418194421898992,0.0,0.0,0.13759879179348394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325468501438144,0.09006317686637977,0.18916148416424752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334517153726116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617217736634896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932934774724624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113102202455412,0.13049318035432705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451495438939996,0.0,0.08960701656823451,0.0,0.0,0.13364429617101822,0.0,0.1704809862222356,0.0,0.18185100839099885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051154834679286984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632812425188794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249254631030175,0.0,0.08091527520592944,0.11154081170874933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383010048587653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830509163319177,0.0,0.0,0.10559569653126054,0.0,0.1798499428107441,0.0,0.0,0.05560065014363589,0.0,0.1141247084695162,0.0,0.2198440457627868,0.10345367063025666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506416242176447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021533446545811,0.0,0.08075331216351189,0.0,0.0,0.0750166292259217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494164229788153,0.0,0.09707580444369802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855573577300372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013887249788835,0.08833816108236388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19378670807297235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045482663099901,0.0,0.0,0.08061977422357704,0.09210180557985916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368926678218211,0.0,0.0,0.10313056398055052,0.3428856786358728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079487626555808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32526799922507443,0.08842745906338134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958977857833873,0.0,0.0,0.13737623025617834,0.0,0.0,0.2106440759498442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347624168843126,0.05967297052563235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825812448426264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736533146027965,0.0,0.0,0.14373721298357667,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BobbyBAKA42,2020/03/20,"New to Reddit Hello everyone, I was diagnosed with BPD a few weeks ago, and have been reading this sub and it has been extremely helpful. I know, as another redditor mentioned, mostly women express feelings about this. I am a male (26) and I want to join the conversation. I have never been able to hold a job, or keep a girlfriend around, despite being able to get jobs and start relationships. They always end. I have had many FP’s over the years, but one in particular still sticks with me years after she left me. I want to do better, but it is particularly difficult now with isolation due to the virus. I live with my parents, and feel like a loser. But I hope I can be there for others in this sub and would love to hear from any of you. Thank you.",3.4493693693693714,5.160716459459461,4.6875675675675685,83.42207207207208,73.5945945945946,7.906306306306307,25.171171171171174,8.59863814320734,1.6832144144144148,588,19,118,11,12,194,103,148,0.075,0.759,0.166,0.9083,3,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,1,2,5,7,0,0,8,0,16,2,0,0,1,26,28,11,0,4,4,1,2,1,1,1,1,1,0,2,6,11,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,5,3,17,5,21,20,2,17,0,1,0,1,16,5,0,3,13,85,23,3,0.32414029493388724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366540697631336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485534586131587,0.0,0.0,0.1102132578996886,0.1699446807755678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442767921122057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333787494367745,0.0,0.0,0.2041216772001408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449778812914476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435460456873601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15486497126825116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389507244470372,0.1157829457335312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467496285282468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18266483509478126,0.0,0.10863220355500534,0.0,0.0,0.16097222535783914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216592270538759,0.14405539374207976,0.0,0.0,0.08906951454730855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760896894336857,0.0,0.0,0.07917928757298902,0.0,0.14311090947605848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627463572993998,0.0,0.0,0.16431369161597115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499848903417245,0.15652835834658618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982292633198502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799597190531967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211400595055594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17400268531999274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471408454757374,0.0,0.12942942912164532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14921241697653265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19118634413746294,0.0,0.13000289637738846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512998274081936,0.0,0.0,0.20873572258040388 bpd,sunndiel,2020/03/20,"No one needs me Idk if anyone else has this problem, most of you probably do cause i feel like it probably files under abandonment issues. My life just feels like a constant fucking loop of me needing my closest friends and them SAYING they need me just as much but they really don't. If i disappeared from their lives they'd move on, it may hurt for a second for them but they would get over it. I think without much difficulty too, I'm not truly an important asset in their lives. A perfect example is my roommate, she tells me that without me she'd go insane and that we'll text and hang out as much as we can over the summer (she got a co-op placement out of our city so we'll be separated) but it's already been slightly longer than 2 weeks apart and I've tried to contact her but have gotten, basically, radio silence. I'm just so tired of people claiming they need me as much as I need them when thats never the case. Sorry if this is mostly a ramble post but I'm just so exhausted of people making these heavy statements and eventually making me feel let down..",3.0829166666666663,4.8446703472222215,4.331666666666667,85.38000000000002,74.69444444444444,7.022222222222222,24.962962962962962,7.793537801064563,1.3292240740740735,849,28,169,12,18,279,135,216,0.131,0.779,0.08900000000000001,-0.8898,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,4,1,10,1,9,9,1,0,8,0,16,4,0,3,2,44,35,22,0,10,15,0,3,2,1,4,3,1,0,0,10,8,0,1,5,1,0,4,6,5,0,2,3,4,33,4,25,24,6,20,0,2,0,1,23,10,1,6,7,121,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364140122585934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643561377189128,0.12665983382400214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269883187984365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358564881581622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326582248389456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18751282948737308,0.17662347368173514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095505892684126,0.11428157172238995,0.0645845809941532,0.0,0.07025417294791668,0.0,0.09886750227837766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233414663118911,0.0,0.0,0.12902363293978192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640636753335685,0.0873140733102802,0.12078567120732946,0.0,0.21831147750884655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503010527958306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138490205005965,0.36348975195711375,0.4583007807879601,0.0953407567855222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376581980946682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140039674436314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839054957894972,0.0,0.2665592447773294,0.11828440896107532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919197109212857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830489651061436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837868358846134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804637305094833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920853761109901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207911804105475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392756944397295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915779479175603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23832401761820526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781369893369684,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,31modulo16,2020/03/20,"DAE feel like quarantine is “curing” their BPD? My boyfriend was deemed a probable case of COVID-19 at a testing centre yesterday (couldn’t actually get a test because he is young and healthy and they are rationing tests). Now we’re each in self-isolation individually. And somehow my symptoms have pretty much gone away? Maybe it’s the lack of social interaction, something that’s often a trigger for me. Maybe it’s the idea that all I have to focus on is keeping myself healthy, so the standards and judgment I usually have for myself are toned down. Maybe it’s just that a lot of people have checked in on me and that makes me feel good. Idk. I am feeling so privileged in so many ways. Yes, I probably have COVID-19 and most likely am gonna feel pretty crappy in a few days. But I’m young and not immunocompromised. I have friends and adopted family to help take care of me. I am fortunate to be able to work and do schoolwork from home. Maybe I’ll go crazy by the second week of this quarantine. But for now I am feeling content and keeping you all in my thoughts — particularly you guys who are anxious about and/or vulnerable to this pandemic, who are feeling alone, or who are worried about making ends meet. Sending all of my love.",5.6431779661016925,6.784011495762713,5.8625000000000025,79.30273305084748,67.51694915254237,8.78135593220339,33.39406779661017,9.017664075816787,2.8398440677966104,987,44,185,17,16,314,142,236,0.081,0.753,0.166,0.9698,0,5,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,2,1,10,7,0,0,10,1,22,2,0,3,3,39,41,16,0,2,5,0,6,2,1,1,1,0,1,1,12,11,0,2,8,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,3,6,21,7,28,35,9,23,0,0,0,1,16,10,0,5,11,125,33,4,0.12033621742965946,0.0,0.11743078950329387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463202975279407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359456733530202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305983750121094,0.0,0.0,0.07335584122473154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155925328366165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269079365801525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760690507524691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658217096103534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344227614359255,0.0,0.365073643387256,0.08596821777606188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297146307926106,0.0,0.06287070691278371,0.0,0.06838984551449437,0.1009323098668329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191517744885162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065882996450309,0.0,0.12070703769738972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584494210335787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21392071833337276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758039483800843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230554879483836,0.10860813446987504,0.0,0.16065071912067985,0.12200203695749992,0.4835756187801755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846096587343734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342598142291308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448503895540929,0.25948559076051925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553691913297915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226676193723386,0.0,0.09264069927301276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250754058241424,0.0904778594800642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553351495322558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253334252602708,0.0,0.0,0.09551728820579528,0.09652645505333253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760619948622453,0.12220727005881833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Complex-Serve,2020/03/20,"Just thought i would say Hi. So I guess I'll introduce myself a little first. I'm a completely new to Reddit so I apologise if i make mistakes but have read the rules and the community rules so will try but apologies in advance. I'm late 20's and male and was diagnosed with BPD (amongst other things) about 3 years ago. The strange thing is I'm not sure that I actually have it. But do see that according to the the symptoms I often behave this way. I have taken part in group therapies before and found it was helpful so thought maybe learning more and sharing experiences might help. &#x200B; From what I have seen it appears at least to me in the therapy sessions that this is normally more women that are talking and discussing it so it would be great if there are any other men out there that i could talk to about this too. but basically just thought is day hi and if someone would like to show me thr ropes and explain the things on the page that would be fantastic.",3.67984375,5.589859796875,4.208749999999998,86.26125,73.42708333333334,7.508333333333333,28.66666666666667,8.278499904357787,1.9633791666666665,779,32,155,13,16,246,115,192,0.032,0.83,0.138,0.9749,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,13,5,0,0,10,0,21,2,0,1,1,39,35,20,0,10,10,0,0,1,0,6,2,1,0,3,20,10,0,0,6,2,0,2,1,1,0,1,8,3,12,4,15,18,5,16,0,0,2,0,15,7,0,7,7,110,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.1269542499339184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532163722486145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095820720114402,0.15808003363096934,0.08846926767119047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107015214732387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385048080284192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640245075830346,0.0,0.0,0.1038705140498802,0.0,0.0,0.08390070836783754,0.0,0.0,0.13204399476659698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725817034606374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065899886442176,0.0,0.14264278559518329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343053160137556,0.14331464409513905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17440027955196072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467531691214215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355799401814728,0.13038967156576514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683962542352845,0.0,0.13069821855971944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380105584308645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564685498454248,0.0,0.0,0.12746577577348925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088053620774335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013050933257295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345700714203712,0.0,0.0,0.10366911354979404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022932864622488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226132841186035,0.13521883314204453,0.0,0.2091313543763136,0.0,0.0,0.29755063538855314,0.0,0.2592886171579993,0.0,0.0,0.3098434180440557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832617152942528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326359663577428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696638845155077,0.0,0.15808003363096934,0.08377711023801104 bpd,JumpersHitIT123456,2020/03/21,"Self Destruction Tried to kill myself 3 times while stationed at my unit, so I’m getting honorably discharged with diagnosis of BPD. Ever since then, I have made an effort to destroy my life. This is literally the most sober I’ve felt in 4 days and that’s because I ran out of my antihistamines. I literally see no way out and I’m slowly easing myself into a quiet death. God why can’t I just not wake up?",2.922508710801392,4.762623585365857,4.951742160278748,80.42548780487809,75.34146341463416,7.612543554006969,25.12891986062717,8.418075326091056,1.7270432055749132,322,11,63,6,7,111,67,82,0.205,0.706,0.08800000000000001,-0.9049,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,3,0,3,0,3,2,1,1,1,12,10,5,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,3,9,1,11,7,1,13,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,1,5,38,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785367053088008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688716438740019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18888313336765425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649263948966293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812103764615851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530175196035962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32402791917489826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068695456216579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771297894124577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23338714751827466,0.0,0.3055373309394078,0.0,0.0,0.24227305819565664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707804687446115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19884604506202375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324742195246535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642783134444357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,migabbi,2020/03/21,"I feel like I’m falling apart I recently went through something very stressful & I think it broke me. I can’t remember the last time I was this bad. I was diagnosed with BPD a while ago but I didn’t want to accept it. I can’t deny it anymore. I feel like I’m not in control of myself. just spectating. I can’t pull myself back together no matter how hard I try. I’ve been having mood swings, overwhelming negative thoughts, it feels like a battle with myself everyday. I don’t like not being able to control my emotions. Or being so needy & attention seeking. I don’t like being convinced no one cares about me. And those voices taunting me, telling me I’m worthless & I’m gonna end up alone. I know I push everyone away. I know I’m gonna end up alone. I’m very sad. I don’t like myself. I wish I were normal.",0.2970426065162925,2.606515362573102,2.490977443609026,91.70684210526319,88.35672514619884,5.596324143692565,22.177944862155385,7.07126945348624,0.8377137844611533,641,24,136,10,21,216,98,171,0.23800000000000002,0.574,0.188,-0.8527,0,4,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,2,6,17,1,2,3,0,15,1,0,3,0,25,34,6,0,3,5,0,4,6,0,2,1,1,0,0,6,3,0,2,10,0,0,4,12,7,0,1,7,5,28,9,11,22,0,18,0,4,0,0,1,5,0,1,15,77,34,0,0.12365159970139535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960968242468247,0.0,0.0,0.2561315318386687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019293698461075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262916072778335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617474828121747,0.09508044761262953,0.1032439208198951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15573486119445454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607104684269554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773715667480999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550377085119052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909140661375316,0.21903723119240015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815440248757494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18756589237167068,0.2650101826003041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107675456830762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591137085437371,0.10079255731580407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624595543832836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121152313986884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378952408621841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209103726498935,0.0,0.14007315802290266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519304252071784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416424896828023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807694830389318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923095225588962,0.0,0.09816555814519047,0.07210224216570765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839513194930707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040510391935465,0.07293291720636146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462627173556005,0.0,0.0,0.14219323726407895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,seattleross,2020/03/21,"DAE become excessively anxious when someone raises their voice? When people raise their voice, even if it's not at me, it causes some of the worst anxiety I've ever experienced. Even if they're yelling at someone else, and I just overhear it in another room or something. Even if the yelling is justified. No matter the circumstance, the anxiety is the same. I'll start thinking about all the things I think the person yelling is going to do. Like, I'll be thinking that they're gonna start yelling at me or someone I love, or they're going to harm me or the loved one. Even if the ""yeller"" is someone who has never been violent, I still start seeing and almost feeling these scenarios. Anyone else?",5.68422723475355,6.82168838345865,5.788370927318297,79.88367585630745,67.42105263157895,8.617878028404345,32.071010860484556,8.841846274778883,2.664942188805347,557,23,101,9,9,176,79,133,0.107,0.759,0.134,0.6011,0,0,1,0,4,0,18.0,0,0,2,0,10,6,1,0,9,0,8,2,0,1,3,24,21,12,0,4,10,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,1,1,7,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,1,9,9,3,8,18,4,15,0,0,1,2,7,5,0,10,9,68,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423813265862959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909712672753445,0.21754775332524812,0.1606326262046479,0.0,0.0994215631501923,0.14568900615848954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570361185243931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606684219394364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23756063139515385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.375656871734998,0.1286177136019221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189481975778182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616180966965556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946615933838073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566614947984439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966460071139623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635066358171483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857566010845743,0.12415358604065715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330589128194456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.481903699183148,0.10946371775301854,0.0,0.0,0.3019254322612775,0.0,0.11355198590479634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446377633726236,0.273326107624536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mememememememyme,2020/03/21,"How did you start to be concerned if you had BPD? What experiences led you to find out? How did you start getting help? Hey so my ex-girlfriend has suggested to me that I may have borderline personality disorder. I fit every single symptom on the list. I'm pretty sure it broke us up, also the drinking I did damaged us good too. I always needed attention from her, no matter what. If she had gone out for 15 minutes or an hour I would call, honestly just to in my mind have the satisfaction of hearing from her. She hated that because it invaded her personal space. I always needed her to tell me she loved me and maybe too much. I havent had a relationship last long, in my adult life, a few months tops. She was the only thing to last longer, 9 months. My inward view of myself is very rickety. Somedays I feel good sometimes I feel useless and I feel weird how compared to other people they can solidly approach things the same every day and me it's like a battle to keep up. I feel depressed and empty, and have since I was 17. I'm very self destructive with alcohol. My emotions are whacky too. I've never put a label to my ways of being, or thought it was.anything serious. But in reality the last years I've been suffering with a unstable life and I want it to end. I want to have relationships that last, I deeply cared about my ex and I feel that all of these things ruined it all. I just want to know how to get help and to be able to know I can live a stable normal life.",2.3956992443948977,4.3585620568561865,3.922868821999257,86.66170444692185,77.26086956521739,6.837656385482473,23.78310417440852,7.793537801064563,1.186953078161774,1161,38,238,18,27,385,166,299,0.129,0.7290000000000001,0.142,0.3302,0,0,2,0,0,1,32.0,2,4,1,1,12,18,3,0,13,0,24,7,0,5,4,50,49,19,0,9,7,1,5,1,0,2,5,1,0,4,17,12,2,1,10,1,0,4,3,11,0,0,11,7,45,7,33,33,6,30,0,6,1,1,30,11,0,5,15,164,62,0,0.09982873941393576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066865625751994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983300684219427,0.16613101661194365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215054657781515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060854672969875616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573080262115865,0.0,0.10193630446381556,0.0,0.10178205306922143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438127829643213,0.0,0.08598234697673804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441238412475213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779415942763313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229389525969437,0.08841863238106319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822003706893351,0.0,0.0,0.09765166278006558,0.0,0.0,0.2523820508284473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124165927423457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043127921290184,0.0,0.0,0.1674632205558963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856021256350436,0.0,0.0,0.11251424465129077,0.0,0.13382619945929472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983111993545121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873237044461357,0.0,0.0,0.10972652886963782,0.3254949863468703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21153597280388808,0.04877127953324782,0.0,0.08815060584979556,0.08834529295410581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009933489528607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029138663585856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079856883340728,0.0,0.1593646947569493,0.0,0.0733856099112175,0.14804349070013853,0.07699407808259849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978109689773426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592425477958188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920867829909988,0.17433320936453464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015617170636264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100355455993847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143574125355512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414314704781198,0.0,0.0,0.08257936484493622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873317589463963,0.0,0.1413185911457713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940874054730317,0.10376028399271507,0.0,0.0,0.08725471837758203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19896533587248488,0.0,0.0,0.07925286811626417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401633638529563,0.0,0.0,0.16473832985571538,0.17664473093937294,0.07923940670144365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091547225320065,0.0,0.0,0.06428643516878664 bpd,BpD-fucking-kills-me,2020/03/21,"My friend came on checked on me after I split I went downstairs, away from my friends, because well, we all know what splitting is like. And after after 5-10 minutes she came down (my friend) and ‘checked on me’. She stood next to me as I was sat down, and asked if I was okay, I said ‘yeah’ but quietly and she said ‘no you’re not’ and hugged me and sat on my lap and I hugged her and she asked me what was wrong and I said ‘I don’t know’ it was all I needed. In my book, I call that progress.",0.20691588785047088,1.7662246915887856,1.4858037383177596,103.46795794392528,82.45794392523366,4.653831775700935,19.111214953271027,4.935628992294339,-0.809137570093458,370,9,98,1,10,117,59,107,0.038,0.7829999999999999,0.179,0.9109,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,1,1,9,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,2,20,20,12,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,4,12,0,0,2,1,2,3,3,1,1,0,13,4,25,8,14,7,2,15,0,0,0,2,15,8,0,1,5,65,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383778394957322,0.0,0.17003370302084692,0.0,0.0,0.11032180478339013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18479759289749526,0.41397859518786095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4194667839266103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19892028182466048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841614484341405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419203722084924,0.0,0.0,0.19247092751194952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5164512678668817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16271991786100168,0.16776734819766514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19786976949537935,0.0,0.0 bpd,death_conscious,2020/03/21,"i am not a bad person i fucking hate people but i am capable of loving. i'm not a bad person. i just get carried away. i've few years left to live. i'll try to make the best of them. if they're okay, maybe, i'll live some more. i can't give up hope. yet.",-3.4364999999999988,-2.0144916499999965,0.12333333333333485,104.86500000000002,107.16666666666669,3.066666666666667,11.0,4.935628992294339,-1.7892999999999997,191,3,53,1,10,68,43,60,0.083,0.58,0.336,0.9583,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,2,8,2,0,3,1,3,2,0,1,0,8,11,2,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,6,4,6,11,4,5,0,0,0,2,5,3,1,3,2,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113766044170657,0.0,0.3756986734636567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361031755128085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20799086542388365,0.11754303595547287,0.2158218152017299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221216856088398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22345642012215872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24444199323083965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3973238419343129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20305370309831167,0.0,0.15017624408192418,0.0,0.2260231717464217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559731648574826,0.3928886242681251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527470049500118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488007858418295 bpd,kaziren,2020/03/21,"fp stuff idk Fun fact: I'm actually failed all my exams in pt3(Malaysia important exam idk) except English(still not very good at it) and I'm just gonna say I'm dumb and afraid to talk to anyone even my friends. Everytime I wake up, I see my fp comes online I just waiting for his message and it's pretty painful and I want to stop dealing with it. Sometimes we talk to each other or we just went silent for 1-7 days. Everytime he stopped talking to me for at least 3 hours, I just become worried and self hatred myself for not being there for him. We used to play games together and talk to each other like best friends. But why all of sudden he stopped talking to me regularly? Is it because he has too much friends to talk to? Is it because my friend sends him lewd porn that he decides to stick with my friend? Is it because I'm too annoying and unfunny? Everytime my mind just can't stop thinking about these. It might be unrelated to bpd but I'm just really stupid. for Demi, If you're reading this, please..just talk to me or tell me the reason anything that can make me relieved for a while.",2.514459459459463,4.496877157657657,3.5687297297297316,89.24687837837837,76.97297297297297,6.421981981981982,25.964864864864865,7.365786028017652,1.2310551351351346,867,33,179,11,20,279,130,222,0.114,0.767,0.11900000000000001,0.2753,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,3,0,0,2,11,17,3,1,2,0,9,3,1,3,3,45,23,13,0,2,14,0,0,1,5,2,1,1,0,1,14,15,0,5,3,3,0,3,3,6,0,0,1,2,23,11,29,18,7,15,0,1,1,1,29,4,1,4,9,109,37,4,0.0,0.0,0.10299838747719192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380073077791692,0.0,0.08685596924851292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930209289268639,0.11656807576159472,0.0,0.0,0.1107647860392038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293241714113307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091916594104532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806891202602126,0.10881404862724346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971262263777694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4077257258962128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852759318577565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394227261569884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05156480305749248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045326479737743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119684057887378,0.1065721137545398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758899414862046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230916700215908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737897362312487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557529684762246,0.0,0.06761594073672629,0.108519621749383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393499953245133,0.0,0.0,0.08410708213688492,0.0,0.11010826286907327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438841914691144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529671841210462,0.0,0.0,0.12082575905569948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5938412695134442,0.09225249802826667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763008561466619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115849031908373,0.0,0.08708710963015932,0.06225419857208561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978428802184396,0.09523951105374433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718783214597173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,justplainanna,2020/03/21,Anxiety is through the roof these days So anxious these days that I feel like I’m constantly in fight or flight. Because of this state of high anxiety I’m exhausted mentally. I can’t focus on anything at all. I’ll start working on an assignment for class and within minutes my mind is in another place. Also feel like I’m unable to have sex with my boyfriend because my mind is so off in another place it feels uncomfortable and stressful to be intimate. Then I feel bad because we haven’t had sex in days. Even though I know he would never get upset with me about something like that.,5.007065217391304,6.171645826086959,5.510163043478261,81.16089673913045,69.0,9.228260869565217,32.63586956521739,9.516144504307137,3.020413043478261,470,21,90,10,8,151,76,115,0.16399999999999998,0.757,0.079,-0.8594,0,0,1,0,1,0,7.0,1,0,0,1,6,8,1,2,2,0,9,3,0,0,2,16,19,8,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,4,9,3,18,16,1,20,0,0,0,2,3,12,0,1,10,55,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173675214581972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31924886011895803,0.2329081511994681,0.17197441674198966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527075107111454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271041003072051,0.27839050036882124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645044900962245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945235822432307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054522069732147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078843940175149,0.2175035622059852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953289637549431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083733970548714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366057960981273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231128728538176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341011479161354,0.0,0.3074139601175663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174076910163836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31809191723695723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719262431158856,0.0,0.0,0.10774782877660896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743767678855521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14956332990841548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082386579897097,0.0,0.0,0.1081384706711162,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,disaSTer_ARTist0_,2020/03/21,"Do any of you get randomly angry for no reason? Hi, Im new here. I've been diagnosed with BPD three years ago and I have this problem with anger. Even if I'm at home, chilling, nothing to stress about, suddenly I get so angry I want to scream or smash something. I don't know what to do about it. Of course I'm not screaming, kicking or starting an argument with anyone. I'm keeping it inside, but even smoking is not helping at all, which I though was the reason. I thought maybe my nicotine addiction was the problem, but no. I'm just angry for no reason. I'm taking my medication every day. The maximum dose actually and it's not working. How to deal with this? (also sorry if I made some misspelling or smth, english is not my first language)",2.3520997123681653,4.465042067114098,4.003667305848513,85.31437919463087,77.99328859060402,6.404793863854266,27.42138063279004,7.447530270364453,1.6396534995206138,584,25,113,8,14,195,94,149,0.217,0.754,0.03,-0.9771,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,2,10,6,1,1,4,0,9,4,0,5,1,32,23,13,0,5,12,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,7,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,8,6,0,2,5,2,11,0,16,18,2,9,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,7,7,75,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.1511929116975092,0.16890056850630925,0.0,0.0,0.1373393495911028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390039929044247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536020796401832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083332238981714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19513353265852254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991939929714652,0.15972980983989116,0.0,0.1572544129190168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20466445459661572,0.0,0.13053829854294027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317864998812718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16189289502065146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038487726092096,0.0,0.15541110273585834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735494949683755,0.0,0.0,0.1377121639650483,0.0,0.0,0.08514749273177144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660198394495425,0.0,0.0,0.1556516952209724,0.0,0.0,0.1560793718793738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496359031748512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866303419019913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965011943678748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47789284833905293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927550793131,0.0,0.17343555807314753,0.1096628485053476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774759946126804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649083751212695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15222154335663526,0.12300002709315486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091383892292419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127935564352447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977220327071527 bpd,mamaola,2020/03/21,"Fuck my life Okay now i hate being wrong and i hate having a fight with him , he is so cute and he would do anything to make me happy and he ignored what i did just because iam a big ass bitch who don’t deserve such a nice and good person in my life. Why iam o doing this yo myself and others , should i just kill myself or like sell my soul to satan ?",2.7855844155844167,2.8956034025974016,4.208207792207792,92.32088311688314,73.41558441558442,6.16,20.5948051948052,3.1291,-0.344275844155844,270,4,64,0,5,90,57,77,0.304,0.522,0.174,-0.9353,0,0,0,0,1,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,14,6,0,3,1,9,4,1,1,0,13,13,7,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,8,0,0,1,0,11,6,4,9,0,3,2,0,0,2,7,2,3,1,2,42,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21376439750030693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583502854745053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24014848470525324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21787849221236585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27652458990756984,0.0,0.5129281625943389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28739139895243604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669592933118382,0.12690801971558893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733951026238628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268167103964735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23439743836576946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18452954765548607,0.2840121637593559,0.0,0.0 bpd,JoeyBasile,2020/03/21,"BPD and psychedelics Hi everyone. This is my first time using Reddit, so I don’t really know how this works, but I was curious if anyone here has experience with psychedelics. I was diagnosed with BPD back in September and I was considering taking psychedelics as I’ve heard some people say they give you a really enlightened experience and can help you find like an inner peace, but also I’m scared as I don’t want it to intensify any of my BPD symptoms. I was wondering if any of you guys could help me in whether it’s a good idea or not.",6.5027414330218045,6.279307700934581,7.1350934579439285,75.67061526479753,65.44859813084112,11.619314641744547,31.852024922118375,11.20814326018867,3.4362660436137067,432,15,87,12,6,143,73,107,0.033,0.727,0.24,0.9757,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,1,2,5,3,0,1,3,0,10,2,0,2,0,22,18,14,0,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,2,13,2,9,12,1,6,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,5,4,56,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554967462564448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135253785157596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977527989784044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072026220236788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5931930407197622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534856121765806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15934767352240706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001644193742228,0.0,0.3071445000919225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349153423254934,0.13354074946409414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060490499347487,0.0,0.1316808277941685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545076020248452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21046226946848196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17722941693717492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628091651749797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670033384285989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884128489483892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20115136372473255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484955053665955,0.15718042191548878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631789958769864,0.1180414819506118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154565211014716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355941693850588,0.0,0.0,0.09260033066110686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025550588042462,0.11429498525761908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,salmaaaaaaaokok,2020/03/21,"I experienced Fear Of Rejection way more than Fear Of Abondonment? I feel like everyone always says fear of someone randomly leaving you ( abandonment ) is a huge part of bpd. but i don’t feel that way. i do sometimes, but not as much as online articles and youtube videos say people with BPD do. I don’t imagine people randomly leaving me and get scared.. i feel like that’s so random. I shared this with my therapist and she said that fear of abandonment can mean other things but i’m not sure. I’m really confused. I also shared this with my friend with BPD and she said my fear of abandonment manifests/shows up as a fear of rejection REJECTION. That’s my one of my biggest issues. Even if it’s just perceived rejection, it can send me into a dangerous spiral. I don’t want to get into it though, i might in another post Someone please let me know about fear of abondoment. thank you :)",2.9069630642954856,5.341238697674424,4.203556771545831,82.94582079343365,77.72093023255816,8.465663474692201,26.396716826265394,9.168548406835145,2.537019425444597,704,28,133,19,17,231,91,172,0.289,0.574,0.13699999999999998,-0.9890000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,0,6,24,1,9,3,0,10,0,0,0,1,34,23,14,0,2,7,0,3,2,1,1,0,4,0,0,11,10,0,3,7,1,0,1,5,17,0,1,2,8,22,7,23,19,3,10,0,7,0,0,12,6,0,6,2,88,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260697902800373,0.07554689292166958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520417985032976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430511054331332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996779609983303,0.0,0.0,0.08675642279507217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7151700885601384,0.1377227214385251,0.12972480620059285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014630140152246,0.0,0.0948709939666351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476410711166128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049897355088989806,0.0,0.0,0.19227295711805392,0.0,0.09284180176602068,0.0,0.08871356373283514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988999891938908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631682576124796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667431636429965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152355921046852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831976780145983,0.0,0.12588860804783594,0.0,0.0,0.09966324310803412,0.0,0.0,0.08695441653347541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058164200309416124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272951128987118,0.14440417666553393,0.0908994438389377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538569101046898,0.0,0.08979641272588784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855711509085874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358982297596275,0.0,0.10541745269502144,0.060318710019065774,0.0,0.0892034769008056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05355195293293006,0.14413421636330898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,burnthrowaway7378,2020/03/21,"Does this count as ""middle path""? After he told me I was a priority to him and then ignored me for >24 hours and I felt completely rejected and abandoned and really really hurt. This conversation happened yesterday. Him: How are doing today pet? Life has been fast and furious. I’m sorry I have not had the time for you that you deserve. Me: If I respond with passive aggressive sulking will you understand what that means or do I actually have to communicate using my words? Him: Passive aggressive sulking is understandable. But I would prefer words. Then we had a conversation in which I tried to articulate why I was hurt and what I needed in the future. I'm not completely sure he understood but I'm trying instead of just hoping he figures it out This morning I tried to summarize: Okay after some thinking about how to articulate things - I am not mad at you. I am not telling you any of this because I want you to feel bad. I'm telling you this because I was hurt and I would like to avoid that in the future. - The purpose of sulking is not to make you feel bad. It means I feel bad and I'm waiting for reassurance that my friendship is wanted. It's an attempt to not feel like I'm begging for your time or attention. - What I need isn't for you to always have time for me. I need reassurance that I'm not just being tolerated, and in a perfect world I'd be able to ask for it, but that's not easy for me to do.",2.0729499207993167,4.416588752650178,4.0603850371634005,83.3328268551237,80.20141342756185,7.295674424271962,26.013037650785908,8.326086129247049,1.952224418179603,1119,46,221,24,29,380,134,283,0.168,0.716,0.11599999999999999,-0.9186,0,2,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,10,0,2,6,22,4,1,8,1,25,1,0,4,2,63,55,20,0,10,16,0,5,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,20,12,0,4,14,0,0,0,9,14,0,0,9,5,39,8,34,41,1,21,0,5,0,0,26,8,0,5,15,157,59,0,0.11696895008526367,0.0,0.11414482230931765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973275366581654,0.0,0.0,0.07954289709418799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935017868211502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29299256257465833,0.14260637261086687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452794374739912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236031645945906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23657206274727846,0.0835626413124137,0.11230853526270974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034352562645088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617655988642378,0.11519085423325565,0.0,0.3756530408269269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261862862803887,0.1142902413635516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807768246069631,0.0,0.0,0.2548269545311657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26019298314011435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986660917152822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093716323146187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024185118469708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20447203597937846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770897297709978,0.07494898021543739,0.0,0.0,0.20461660630228995,0.0,0.1108728878604832,0.11176884440070337,0.0,0.2382427171930765,0.0,0.0,0.2435376043406833,0.0,0.10102361730431574,0.0,0.0,0.1379826346425714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554628409559563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618277227488634,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chocouggo,2020/03/21,"I don't feel like anyone can replace my FP My ex/FP and I broke up a few months ago and I'm still not over it. I don't feel like anyone else can replace him. It feels like he was the best person for me and now it's gone and I don't know what to do. I've never felt so comfortable and got alone so well with someone before. I can't tell if I'm just being crazy or if this is real. That he was the best I ever got and now he's gone. How can I love anyone else knowing they're not him. I don't get why im not over this, its been months. Worst part is he doesn't even care and he never cared. He got with someone else a week after we broke up. It turns out I was just a rebound after a bad break up he had. I don't know what hurts more, the fact that he doesn't even care or the fact that he's gone. I don't know how to deal with this, i literally can't function.",-0.6514218381775336,0.7386148606965186,1.7447446975648084,101.39587588373921,84.47263681592041,4.629588897617178,15.056559308719564,4.9825596385082,-1.2612746268656716,661,9,180,2,19,225,93,201,0.156,0.7340000000000001,0.11,-0.6577,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,2,13,16,0,0,8,0,22,1,0,2,5,37,44,15,0,2,9,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,13,12,0,0,8,0,0,3,15,5,1,0,12,4,18,11,14,31,6,22,0,3,0,1,16,6,0,4,15,110,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209755629871373,0.0,0.0,0.11928874764208593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416035344326673,0.2360251150125249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616807370692204,0.0,0.0,0.0980072351811066,0.0,0.24174253665391815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522922113611033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874254029354744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886470820239473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214678631969575,0.10418428763429616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471101852059398,0.2468476455659736,0.11058808526215012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060175284843505226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763529631897374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329947559425836,0.0,0.1244110404555802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25319330428632025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880915052866133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395183622020897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18386653650563986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17766337130168988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247255833596698,0.0,0.0,0.10056820757149476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109676367026454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951783786295596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198058672980526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006698684820304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527961888475433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238812816000047,0.0,0.10355805174442008,0.0,0.1039294247526564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shes-sc,2020/03/21,"My S/O is not my FP and I need a bit of help. My FP is a very good friend and an ex of mine, who I broke up with during an impulsive episode a year ago. He’s been very understanding when I talk to him about my BPD, and he tries very hard to learn about the disorder so he understands my thought process... My s/o is kinda another story, he doesn’t like talking much, due to his own trauma. I can never feel truly validated by him and I don’t know if there’s anything I can do about that. I obsess over my FP, I need him to respond ASAP, I need him to want to spend every second with me, I need him to announce that he still wants to be friends with me... My obsession with my FP has been having a severe affect on my s/o, he is very jealous of my FP and he hates him. I know that breaking up with my s/o would be the right thing to do, and it would be because of my mental health issues and my obsession but I don’t want it to seem like I’m breaking up with him FOR my FP. I really, really don’t know what to do.",2.7662476190476184,2.53263178666667,4.8378571428571435,89.00250000000004,73.35555555555554,8.206349206349207,24.960317460317462,7.957251820313856,1.0346317460317458,772,20,192,10,14,270,108,225,0.09699999999999999,0.828,0.07400000000000001,-0.2484,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,0,7,12,2,3,8,0,22,1,0,1,1,37,39,11,0,10,3,1,2,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,8,13,0,0,9,0,1,0,6,7,0,1,3,2,39,5,31,31,3,14,0,1,0,0,23,6,0,3,8,126,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427583769765297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517917198459733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608649564087376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785857096231289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074236829321546,0.0,0.1623645952441556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774836437899327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086168928426846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518356468799757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19919963506112726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812822895025867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548299194593935,0.12727739492977916,0.0,0.13703117843396773,0.0,0.0,0.08640936133106099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455431844854754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125458090943592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259632309007903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991653147243845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947677466585675,0.3823569236010718,0.09942760296969788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16517317725616432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009315695680533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735985541806478,0.0,0.14563785285907574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295210758734433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072348371502812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564574883555498,0.0,0.0,0.10234452962499584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875251816141894,0.0,0.0,0.2684112232382945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42547524855647706,0.2281131563870052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18315578535886007,0.0,0.0,0.08301737369258752 bpd,justmejustme123456,2020/03/21,Hyper sexuality Does anyone on here have experience of hypersexuality? How has this impacted you? I don’t know how to tell the difference between being hyper sexual and just having a high but normal sex drive.,6.5045045045045065,8.974673864864869,9.311891891891893,50.26801801801803,67.1081081081081,11.41981981981982,28.54954954954956,11.20814326018867,4.307133333333333,171,6,24,6,3,63,35,37,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,2,0,7,6,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,5,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,20,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275416235165641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.411530002633608,0.0,0.0,0.34469477808627297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38529886667505703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41616518525539853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164710052755488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38592743249275735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34427620734581665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,too__scared,2020/03/21,"Don't Know Who I Am Anymore I want to be a good person. I like being goth I like piercings and tattoos I like feeling cute, but being tsundere about it I like being impulsive and free spirited I like being playfully rude to the people I love I like being polite to strangers I want to be sassy to people who are rude to me I like helping people I want to be a good role model I'm addicted to hurting myself , addicted to attention I need a goddamn job I don't want to change. Change is scary I don't know what my personality is. I don't know what's real, what's fake, what's me copying others because I look up to them, what's something I actually enjoy, what's me pretending to like someone/ something. I just want to go back to normal. Just want these meds to work. Just want to stop being so anxious all the time. Just wish I knew what's real. Being sober SUCKS",0.7772678903963808,3.1306233854748617,3.0940622505985647,88.06154562383614,86.09497206703911,5.420696993881352,21.931630752859807,6.868970318607317,0.7593429635541367,682,24,137,9,21,233,85,179,0.161,0.513,0.326,0.975,1,0,2,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,1,7,20,3,0,5,0,18,3,0,0,1,27,37,4,0,10,5,0,1,8,0,0,2,0,0,2,12,2,0,1,6,2,1,1,4,5,0,0,1,2,26,16,18,26,1,5,1,1,1,1,8,1,1,0,11,89,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.1110511638466997,0.24811486856634005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856019541069935,0.11285778086952065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750421398921733,0.0,0.06937066145443614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407679755942121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754006701790448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467445183503229,0.1908979838738652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627690301630713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182391498329838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292769944533786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18762244989519705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4447705664773398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556228863399874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270781442511022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640475660471862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438033081679762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149861274936797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23668117291694904,0.1987293572850037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590557812996177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642131116189732,0.17521567414058142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514085015412124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635696597974781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4698501561602796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308629457874237,0.0,0.0,0.08284684497380895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,elily0812,2020/03/21,Online support Does anyone know of a live BPD support group/chat? Can't seem to find any. Thanks!,-0.4421052631578952,0.2419395263157895,0.17621052631579026,100.56747368421057,127.42105263157896,1.52,14.326315789473686,3.1291,-1.455955789473684,77,2,15,0,5,23,18,19,0.0,0.602,0.39799999999999996,0.8221,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19591835230503776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20144670493884054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628527404860008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25211886007135104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26331881626415754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833260773945046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543981923385645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622760528392872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6538665101153662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26524441282827843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Katzenkatzen,2020/03/21,"Stuck home with spouse and raging big time My husband got laid off last year from a job where he spent most of his time at the office and started freelancing from home. I work in an office, but now when I'm home, he's almost always home, and I have not handled it well - I NEED MY SPACE. My BPD symptoms increased, with me splitting on him frequently, yelling, threatening divorce, etc. I was beginning to make peace with the situation - then enter the coronavirus. Now i am working from home at least the next eight weeks and trying not to go out unless necessary. We are together all day, every day. He is fine with that. I am NOT handling it well, splitting multiple times a day, getting very angry at him, wanting him to just go away. I know this is wrong and unfair to him. I'm not only hurting his feelings, im also very ashamed of myself, which makes my emotions more intense and negative. Anyone in a similar situation? Suggested coping skills? Help! We've been together 14 years now, and he doesn't deserve this.",4.50790378006873,6.218944979381447,5.085958762886597,81.63447079037803,70.85567010309279,8.059931271477664,29.94364261168385,8.648137234880735,2.412298694158076,802,33,147,14,15,257,127,194,0.16899999999999998,0.743,0.08800000000000001,-0.9661,1,0,0,0,2,0,30.0,1,0,0,3,9,7,1,1,8,0,9,1,0,2,1,29,25,12,0,2,7,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,6,13,0,0,2,0,1,4,6,4,2,1,5,2,20,3,23,20,6,35,0,1,0,0,16,12,0,2,19,95,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908854995111275,0.0,0.0,0.09510614920138363,0.0989570722552455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315675990175088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173614886438107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497848189149951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23009488311794546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377724802579286,0.0,0.0,0.13263541885027197,0.0,0.0,0.10020141152747128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06013323544054491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062134625540572086,0.0,0.13517829369138654,0.0,0.09511705638772797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971448775560099,0.0,0.5964690835943195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731417500261366,0.0,0.1284619330332056,0.0,0.11801703213853675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535935472563288,0.09694165345982636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587698431518256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818311417639965,0.0,0.0,0.1264805731243997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044959959161056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26735862146006056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417738192553867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361104060749745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20804246146283284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807438558810765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19625501779501536,0.07014642523138663,0.0,0.09539633692711286,0.0,0.21385991885488234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316103690898374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300283745357577,0.0,0.15317061292388245 bpd,NecroticBrains,2020/03/21,Not sure if I'm depressed or just lazy I just want to vegetate on my bed. I want to tidy the apartment and do laundry but it feels like such a big task. I want to go and shower but that too feels like such a huge feat that I'd rather just want to sit here feeling all disgusting. But then I start hating myself for not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. It's so contradictory and frustrating and I hate myself for feeling this way,1.3268742368742394,3.3708830549450566,3.0060805860805893,91.51947496947498,81.08791208791209,5.8026862026862025,21.1001221001221,6.937597516519254,0.39634700854700794,342,10,75,4,9,113,58,91,0.256,0.578,0.166,-0.9408,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,9,8,4,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,2,26,18,11,0,6,11,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,4,1,1,4,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,4,8,3,8,17,1,9,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,2,4,51,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943679642119856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4564191339084307,0.32243526925371474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825261953276298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4456018832203241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205004782541164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972933882428644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21268990790316974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5324205560590046,0.17912516589122618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sadpieceofshitxx,2020/03/21,"My boyfriend threatened to break up with me if I ever harm myself again So my boyfriend and I had it rough for the past few weeks. Everytime I would get depressed he would tell me I literally have nothing to be depressed about. And he gets mad if I say shit about myself and if I threaten to runaway. I have bipolarity and bpd so everytime I would act out he would be mad because I promised him that I would be fine and make myself better. I told him it doesn't work that way and he argues with me about it. He said it doesn't work that way because I let it work the worse way possible. He just doesn't seem to get I can't control myself. And now I showed him my cuts, he got mad and told me he would leave me if I ever cut myself or even think about it. Is it my fault for not getting better?",1.5521428571428544,3.2569246904761933,2.8256190476190466,94.7527142857143,78.88095238095238,5.67047619047619,21.91428571428571,6.42735559955562,0.17978285714285658,620,18,143,5,15,200,79,168,0.23399999999999999,0.711,0.055,-0.9844,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,6,12,15,7,0,2,0,18,2,1,2,2,30,29,15,0,10,7,0,1,0,0,6,1,2,0,0,10,11,0,1,2,1,0,1,5,11,0,0,5,3,32,4,14,14,1,13,0,2,0,0,17,2,1,6,6,99,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312477510909295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22215958340196096,0.0,0.0,0.15818424400358772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086701993895376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216351956252932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295522451650311,0.2272182326252965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624756991737417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045089859926452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329884318211967,0.0,0.12843080804896154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383655897662358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051311404180168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989595631492052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159104733960132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947091873964184,0.09987928251079667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433822735652817,0.0,0.0,0.12892287928571514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977677207622498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047708899700443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24002544696598985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990776814364659,0.10074584024493682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27430698163613537,0.0,0.12799344130251564,0.535320389244481,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SunnyDayz687994,2020/03/21,"Do you speak to yourself as “I” in your head or “you”? Sorry about the title. I’m not really sure how to phrase my question. I have an internal monologue or “inner voice”. When I need to do something (like walking the dog) my inner voice is like “you need to go walk the dog” instead of “I need to walk the dog”. Does anybody else have this happen to them too? I have no idea if it’s strange or not.",0.20520749665328,2.243410216867474,2.0813654618473905,96.56601070950472,85.3855421686747,4.6527443105756365,20.065595716198125,5.82211442006289,-0.17882757697456508,300,9,69,2,9,99,53,83,0.096,0.873,0.031,-0.5169,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,4,1,0,5,3,0,0,5,0,6,1,1,1,1,13,12,7,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,3,12,3,10,12,0,8,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,5,3,46,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244706337587908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21427833055270584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577859868388188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268279185703089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632497497510781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895647029049586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506323133680665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5705891291200146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873460700911065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16432468120268906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974712944519299,0.0,0.28713811201224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24175441282435084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,unapelotudapiola,2020/03/21,My favorite person hates me He has not been answering my texts and acts very jealous and I don’t know I want to talk to him but at the same time I don’t,-1.7814285714285705,0.13193085714285854,0.6257142857142846,103.04428571428572,97.57142857142857,3.9428571428571435,15.571428571428573,5.6839178017228535,-0.9363142857142858,120,3,31,1,5,40,28,35,0.12300000000000001,0.782,0.095,-0.2374,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,7,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,7,0,3,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4903519274444973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729530178739913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336670092630185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3991989382181772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896082126299577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4097990226872195,0.2929447290346373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,babyyy_blue,2020/03/21,"how do y’all cope with new relationships hey, I’m 23F struggling with BPD for a few years now. I’ve had so many lovely relationships enter my life in the last few years— most recently about a month ago with a new partner 26M that has escalated quite quick. I always do this thing where things are going super well and I turn them super quickly into my sole support system. I have a full on break and be completely manic or super emotionally uncontrollable, thinking he doesn’t actually like me. I’m wondering if I’m doing it to see how they react? Or if they will get scared away at my worst? All while getting super attached and afraid they’re going to leave me. Anyways now it’s clear to my new partner that maybe I’m not the most mentally healthy person (I’ve been working on it tons — making lots of progress with DBT and healing meditations). How do I go about having a conversation with this new partner, to work through it so they’re not scared of/for me, while also being honest about struggling? Basically how do you start or maintain a healthy relationships?",6.064727408513813,6.764816466019423,6.514271844660198,76.58222180731889,66.37864077669903,9.056908140403282,31.380134428678122,9.057496981413335,2.596224495892458,856,32,158,14,13,278,127,206,0.085,0.725,0.18899999999999997,0.9761,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,3,8,17,16,0,6,8,0,15,3,0,6,2,30,32,18,0,2,7,0,0,1,3,1,2,0,0,4,10,10,0,0,2,0,0,4,3,7,1,0,2,1,16,9,21,27,9,30,0,0,1,1,16,8,0,9,17,106,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.11926555673039167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833744655135584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773639474618234,0.10169381851835567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482631191073885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392725193260606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12814154892448812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747697736579806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770602826912114,0.0,0.2083751553019116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962266151513326,0.0,0.1294094995238544,0.0,0.0,0.08632504339901352,0.059708749767628015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390399558100899,0.11030505438810456,0.0,0.08158038252194595,0.12390822646704512,0.1227827804765026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316536520844873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755194831981318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4721493646397609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671462870928418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999216379650844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067393072855805,0.3936439610077145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447198339383963,0.0,0.09739063126833568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650538264517296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555341923123307,0.0,0.0,0.13868969943290946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239026418466326,0.07831132127523208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293632587239795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988720301001954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325384504584074,0.17794996012464429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870334155020903 bpd,ElBardones,2020/03/21,I am alone and ugly please help I feel so much like a clown. You remeber Aladin he even wouldnt ike me as a mythuical creature!,2.7644444444444436,3.7847715555555546,3.660185185185188,92.86583333333336,74.18518518518519,6.881481481481483,24.61111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.7544222222222219,100,3,23,1,2,32,25,27,0.175,0.56,0.266,0.4157,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5054970363242348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32236799820223994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467846683531623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271454342941296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384480989290561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587902417067019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5357582279928012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,NothingWorseThanLove,2020/03/21,"I’m not diagnosed but I really want a diagnosis I fit every single criteria, I would cry for hours every night because I didn’t know what the hell was wrong with me but after finding this sub it was just... a feeling of being relieved. I was never diagnosed but it’s so accurate, I just want to be diagnosed so that I’m sure this is actually what it is, and so that I’m taken seriously. The only thing inaccurate is that once I realized I do these things, I’ve been more aware and thus stopped for the most part. It’s weird. Is it bad to hang out here if I’m not diagnosed?",2.8991666666666696,4.029591250000006,5.343333333333334,80.5016666666667,74.0,9.333333333333334,26.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,2.4026666666666667,450,16,96,12,9,160,74,120,0.2,0.6779999999999999,0.121,-0.9242,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,1,0,5,0,13,4,0,1,2,24,22,9,0,4,8,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,15,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,6,1,9,2,8,13,4,8,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,5,69,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.16235321354907414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891208004474093,0.10141766572298114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827497372239618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6754485774638607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803479610482815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412171889600159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205925278515842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384103087526045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143265326027364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831487365802605,0.0,0.0,0.15612706394183673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771787214466326,0.0,0.1265319541740662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18016260024181366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658094300925026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909284898297405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15680184563197105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22105779708941645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19625878506764832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818454209954728,0.18189958167170087,0.0,0.0 bpd,ZwodderQuisby,2020/03/21,"Recent diagnosis I've been seeing a psychiatrist for the last 3-4 months and among other mental problems (yay...) she thinks I have BPD which is the diagnosis she gave me. But she also believes I could just be bipolar. Honestly I've never heard of BPD but from what she's told me I may or may not have cried for about a week. Is it just only something that happens to people who have experienced trauma? How is it even ""noticed""? BPD and BD seem like three same thing, are they? I seriously have so many questions and all of the answers have been very...broad in a way that I still can't wrap my head around it.",4.610327868852458,5.248299991803278,5.446024590163933,83.17920081967216,69.57377049180327,8.067213114754097,26.72540983606557,8.07648339933343,1.4612754098360652,477,14,99,6,8,156,87,122,0.064,0.863,0.07200000000000001,0.242,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,0,9,6,0,0,6,1,16,2,1,1,2,22,23,9,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,10,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,5,3,13,3,10,14,2,10,0,0,1,0,10,3,0,5,7,73,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235801558433602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473386877965737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18647270991590276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6253608698088087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214599614527447,0.0,0.1818045901587805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093175697019247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635964604283214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16986066105654102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491246346477384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808596598307983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678008178257793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16679480934452062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210823183653925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276512534082833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18843384529831225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258775548465711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147435588764776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837039238639752,0.0,0.0,0.18540869825641548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16342082236072508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188977069042346,0.15067377867388204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741742260728706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217622855248914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099572639931946,0.1060519073646512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815157322442205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313738645447085,0.13276186614339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,moosequitobites,2020/03/21,DAE struggle to manage mood swings when they are sick? I usually have a hard time self-regulating but when I’m not feeling good it is like my brain is riding a roller coaster. Sometimes I feel everything at once and can’t even think straight. It’s exhausting. My moods change minute by minute.,2.4192857142857136,5.280158071428577,2.4907142857142865,91.45428571428572,84.35714285714286,6.057142857142857,24.07142857142857,7.447530270364453,1.2431357142857151,236,9,46,4,7,71,48,56,0.221,0.684,0.096,-0.6501,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,5,3,1,0,0,6,9,4,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,3,5,2,3,9,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,23,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140713792603814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29762315859366145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858241292065104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25285258142510464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845105367405245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359768187171957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520277019230797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744977972857547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996206794115885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935016829362476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27825501829144234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941203641270331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027297341553364,0.0,0.0,0.16405312841829153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30985911829929724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,El-Martini-,2020/03/21,"BPD and Nihilism(?) Not sure whether it's just me or others experienced this too but I literally don't care about almost anything. Well that is not entirely true, I care about my car. And the friend that helped me when I was on the verge of driving my car off a bridge. Everything else to me does not matter, it always has ended the same for me. People come into my life, I get attached like a thorn to a shoe, they get rid of me. Repeat. At first it really hurt, but now I just want to throw away most of the relationships I have. I throw away money into gambling in the stock market, clothes, car parts, and a few of my friends. None of it matters to me. I can not even find a reason to hold a conversation most of the time with out the words sounding as though it comes from some barbarian hitting people with the ""That's crazy."" Almost entirely. The times I do try I get interrupted so much that I just sit there in silence then walk away once when they finish talking. I kinda miss going to the gym, but then I had to see my ex everyday there so I guess I don't either. I miss going to my favorite classes, but at the same time I despised school cuz then I would see my old friends, the ones who made me extremely depressed. I miss going to work. I can't even go out my house cuz I'm on quarantine so I'm just left with what I tried to run away from all along and that is the own thoughts in my mind. I guess what I'm trying to say or ask or whatever the fuck you wanna call this shit of a sob story is what do you guys do when you are left with nothing but your thoughts? TLDR: Big sob story/rant then asking for guidance on what to do when you are left with nothing but your thoughts",1.9113041474654369,3.670048528571432,3.1755115207373272,92.40503686635944,78.0,6.1161290322580655,21.861751152073737,6.968188349444268,0.42039907834101387,1315,37,293,14,31,426,176,350,0.14,0.795,0.065,-0.9751,0,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,6,2,2,21,19,3,0,21,0,18,4,2,4,3,64,48,29,0,3,19,1,0,1,3,1,1,2,0,1,18,16,0,1,5,1,2,14,8,10,1,2,6,5,46,9,50,40,12,55,0,7,2,1,22,22,4,11,19,210,64,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899171109243686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890616384180188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803701705027231,0.0,0.1773065138908432,0.0,0.35638365882949674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194350761695532,0.0,0.0968320414271319,0.0,0.1933710277447991,0.0,0.0,0.163375311199106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816769474648648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298637958768422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921830387742526,0.0,0.0839912405956666,0.0,0.0,0.1252686526550169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522709706946953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866729098842223,0.08066235688451807,0.0,0.0,0.2197962882612734,0.0876688148947441,0.14863429661219088,0.0,0.2155763170186628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20893189143963084,0.0938966176821846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635625558442625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942109782175592,0.1015174855439153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090992454892103,0.0,0.06698123954174988,0.046329152160838605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973044704578863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575127570508313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971096761312164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819839016923352,0.0,0.09950814191763574,0.10099086425896588,0.06425926805786022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269165821384324,0.0,0.1314863755249115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060750531780318036,0.09750104277249423,0.0,0.10181194011316796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075412629048989,0.0,0.0959730314515473,0.15113447836809712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734164110009763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937616085317265,0.0,0.0,0.07622076882835614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317000198659924,0.2258533026781613,0.16588842187949707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19315005313427724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05593319604229802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526356637164606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903737569212645,0.0,0.0,0.06736451731467362,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CuntyBitch7,2020/03/21,Do moderator rules make you guys irrationally pissed off? Is this a BDP thing or am I just crazy? I don’t know how to use a fucking flair and I’ll be deleting my account once this gets deleted.,1.5857500000000009,3.730898074999999,3.0599999999999987,90.935,80.75,6.0,25.0,7.1686216300943375,0.9305,153,6,34,2,4,50,35,40,0.23600000000000002,0.764,0.0,-0.8611,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,2,0,5,2,1,3,0,7,10,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,1,0,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4063083359439008,0.229619292383492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4351716003805167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415363197600963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933679789584883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4680504698490776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919825951635737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795847097608456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,deepcool45,2020/03/21,"What the hell I just need to vent This whole lack of identity thing is fucking exhasting. Its like, i look in the mirror and i know im the same person but it feels like a different person is looking back at me, even though i look the same. I dont even know how to describe it. I remember last year i was so depressed, i was really struggling to find a hobby. I tried alot of things and gave up on a bunch of them bc it just didn't feel right, and if it did feel right, it sure didn't last long. I accidentally fell pregnant (im 18) I was really excited to be a mumma despite my age, ive seen other girls do it sucessfully and thought why cant i. Im not an angry person, i hate anything to do with that emotion, could be a cptsd thing but i dont get angry and i get upset when people are. I spent a lot of time reading about what i was to expect going through pregnancy and was cautious of what i was putting into my body, long story short i miscarried and wasn't the same for a good 6-7months. I cried most days, whenever i saw a newborn or pregnant woman i was filled with rage like i had never felt before. My partner initially didnt want it he tried to convince me to get an abortion and i wasn't going to have one which stressed him out a lot which in return stressed me out bc im a natural empath and i just felt so defeated he didnt want it, i felt like it was my fault and he wasnt commited to me. After the pregnancy ended i was paranoid i thought maybe he slipped something into my food to kill it. When i miscarried in hospital instead of comforting me he just kept complaining about when we can go home bc he had work in the morning. Anyways i was so lost nothing could fix me except the thought of getting pregnant again. To the point i basically melted down and got my boyfriend to promise me we would try again at the end of the year and i slowly got better from that day forward. im fully healed from that traumatic experience and glad i dont have a baby right now so that's a fucking trip. Although i think about it everyday and how old it would be. We broke up so im definitely not trying again anytime soon. I didnt know about my bpd tendencies until a few months ago, my doctor never told me i displayed traits i came across it on an old paper with my diagnoses on it, knowing me i fully held on to that diagnosis and was reading too much into it i almost let it become my identity which was a slippery slope downhill, i left this subreddit and stopped reading about it and tried to focus on how i felt before i came across the paper which seemed to work. The most prominent traits i notice in myself are Impulsive, self-destructive behavior Extreme emotional swings/splitting. Fear of abandonment Chronic feelings of emptiness Unclear, shifting self image Paranoia over analysing things. im not sure if this counts but existential depression i almost feel a little manic at times. Like that i am batshit crazy when in reality im pretty high functioning. Im 18, have lived independently for well over 4 years. I work. And have a few good close relationships with friends. Sometimes i don't give myself enough credit for how far ive come. Its nice to remind yourself. Everyone check in with themselves and give yourself some credit💖 i cant be the only one. I dont know, i guess this all just comes down to the fact that i dont feel like my own person. I feel like everything about me is stolen from people ive met, i feel like there's no originality to me whatsoever. I know basic shit about myself I know i like to cook, garden and listen to music and which certain foods and tv shows i like but anything past that i just struggle to understand. Doesn't help that i literally look different in every photo of myself i hate dealing with the inconsistency of my appearance and not being remotely good at anything. I wish i could sing or draw really well but i cant and i feel some kind of creative block all the time bc im naturally creative i just dont have an outlet for it that i enjoy and its frustrating. Right now im in love with the club scene and want to learn how to dj and do that as a career. But i feel like that will change soon. Last month i wanted to do kickboxing and the month before that i wanted to pursue naturopathic medicine and teach yoga so i dont fucking know. Anyway all my friends dont know a single thing about this, they know of my miscarriage but nothing to do with my mental health and i feel so misunderstood talking about it that venting to them doesnt even help. I'm 18f from australia. Anyone wanna be friends <3",2.661580393234175,4.68192725515744,4.099371034627108,85.43601232290729,76.66558089033659,7.04441740904988,25.53721073217953,7.986249989870231,1.5468737516842608,3626,133,723,60,83,1199,378,921,0.142,0.7070000000000001,0.15,0.8072,2,0,1,0,0,0,66.0,3,0,3,6,51,57,10,6,42,0,70,14,2,7,10,160,146,61,1,17,23,0,15,11,4,3,5,1,2,9,55,51,3,5,34,11,3,13,29,24,2,2,43,22,111,33,104,90,22,98,1,6,6,4,38,43,5,17,55,493,166,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034818168154592086,0.0,0.07866382196179354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027464557081752508,0.0,0.09696898798313178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03020287022056855,0.0,0.0,0.04338020148199314,0.10026975723841343,0.0,0.0,0.03473878881318798,0.0,0.0436297440425591,0.049470105784920435,0.0,0.0,0.08984866166280032,0.0,0.0,0.04155162127984533,0.06767018690715593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408245785066707,0.0,0.04314577106537867,0.05066298125033872,0.040494580721872266,0.06766131627094463,0.039867019964544,0.0,0.08207569347817811,0.0,0.040203379821170164,0.0,0.0,0.3682744394000403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836642670986973,0.06957848046876453,0.04058536262535331,0.0,0.07782956687171999,0.0,0.03309397083075222,0.03753244935131155,0.035301132991977326,0.03842207308863757,0.0,0.044199420238331635,0.218465215232104,0.14030343695224987,0.15085471927599586,0.0,0.03589998983692525,0.0,0.09499183954697336,0.0,0.09103980154022737,0.1089374835092339,0.08208592888556876,0.07535935255796282,0.0669689145119546,0.09883524637489476,0.06282947598476654,0.0,0.043269879765844316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755910310048847,0.0,0.041751386025794965,0.0,0.0,0.05265532475755512,0.04150006799348953,0.03939970535944819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4667047040397378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043456025165017134,0.04090268707936104,0.21586528032231087,0.0960520676199704,0.0,0.0,0.0426763863760385,0.04016509798587045,0.0,0.2110852979718938,0.03936754298195233,0.034683782378562115,0.06952076813202364,0.13193675001520885,0.0,0.04287730471200628,0.0667866357429538,0.03545053030362737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039460700184517424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0395836576655576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405557123216574,0.0,0.028874339539035863,0.029124633713553744,0.060588258535742276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753778802392341,0.0447190224576258,0.0824327067893849,0.0,0.05323248228972592,0.029873196044921207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037495931908040056,0.054461763789215314,0.1371864671074146,0.0,0.0,0.03713103608700452,0.0,0.0,0.039960525043130884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039485908946818964,0.0,0.0,0.11786788841237815,0.0,0.07548875916642908,0.0,0.0,0.04217058848286951,0.04449507253464978,0.13417506723455594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03575782302603693,0.08195243160505812,0.0,0.040318986992258235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030238636663426955,0.038847605790810535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032838724203997444,0.08998716015803969,0.0821251816467817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403935717811592,0.0,0.0,0.031570704502200266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130475004373718,0.025168183664701586,0.0385910906751972,0.09354862184288998,0.06871111939696878,0.0,0.0,0.03753244935131155,0.0,0.13333818209527978,0.0,0.0,0.04089047734665013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583787668762564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063247721325909,0.0,0.03544288735629224,0.043853228729324636,0.045168528326943125,0.0,0.0,0.08578601165090796,0.0,0.0,0.05580487583021359,0.0,0.0,0.0758825207992456 bpd,Iluvnuggetsandcats,2020/03/21,"DAE relate to obsessing over people you ""hate""? I got diagnosed with BPD but I realized I have a few things that aren't really known ""symptoms"" and maybe it's just me and I'm sorry if I come off really psychotic, because I am and I really need to stop this behaviour. I am trying. I get extremely obsessed with people have done me wrong, it turns into an extreme hatred that lasts for YEARS. It's an obsession which turns into something that I just can't get over for a very, very long time. I will spend hours a day looking at their social media hoping for their downfall, anything good that happens to them I get so annoyed and angered. To be honest, this only happens to me when these people are actual ""bad"" people. For example, i spent months crying to my best friend about my abusive ex dumping me, she would comfort me and everything. She ended up SLEEPING with him and lying about it. She has a tendency to cheat on all her boyfriends and has genuinely (not to slut shame) slept with almost every guy she is friends with. It infuriates me to this day, this happened almost 2 years ago. Or my boyfriends ex girlfriend who I'm so jealous of. She tried to get my boyfriend to dump me calling me ugly and that she still loved him. She had him wrapped around her finger and manipulated him, and emotionally abused him the entire relationship. She does this to all her current boyfriends as well. I constantly look at her page and am so damn angry at her. Its been a year.. And my ex. He treated me like shit for 4 years, cheated on me, everything in the book. 2 years later I'll still break down and cry because I miss what we had before he turned into an abusive, cheating pos. I don't want these feelings. I want to GET OVER this shit. I just can't. I can't totally get over anything bad that has happened to me.",3.636830500242837,5.434114614084512,4.507518212724623,84.54915492957747,73.28169014084506,7.375424963574551,27.170956775133558,8.104835398774808,1.764969888295289,1428,53,276,22,29,461,188,355,0.294,0.615,0.091,-0.9984,1,0,1,0,1,0,45.0,1,1,3,1,13,32,12,4,10,0,22,9,5,1,3,46,51,21,0,6,7,3,2,1,3,2,2,0,0,1,24,24,0,1,3,1,2,1,6,21,1,0,7,4,57,11,45,41,6,40,0,1,2,2,37,17,3,5,22,190,81,1,0.0,0.29890754136731396,0.08206213759308381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745429165729559,0.0,0.16841295876832238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840190460904964,0.0748601427733194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042742951345796,0.10252400007361748,0.0,0.07155651340249895,0.0,0.0882498778384316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591154457085568,0.0,0.085867832134485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243823217091294,0.0,0.09087410489433832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18474329831037928,0.10846539564957401,0.0,0.0,0.08535210497102005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358990275183115,0.08605581129443125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459273022115157,0.0744809842066908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085154783995269,0.0,0.15115381141639592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0425196885217414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993929492787118,0.0,0.2636091244761623,0.0,0.0,0.07053278901482209,0.06725644447835913,0.0,0.0,0.08326478391139867,0.2974508369219695,0.0,0.0,0.08302392196831429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352281469811894,0.08281416132865321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854660122138041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0410833418571844,0.0,0.0,0.07441920545538194,0.1412330210139666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589675341785078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448220678079983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712182146259135,0.0,0.0,0.06235351416214593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395612631477357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331965711998595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161540296303412,0.0,0.0,0.09028386114840467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726394605440271,0.0,0.0,0.08415321837615658,0.08572170128232448,0.0,0.06473850548580559,0.0,0.0941346553243632,0.0,0.0,0.13431273874706426,0.07030508520242304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740429324937538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05586731227618235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049035005882574326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418655846323908,0.27440543684008645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387702186043767,0.09919985611621213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560924562245779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05973689059266521,0.09194193433538372,0.0,0.27076402527214 bpd,bpdthrowaywa43,2020/03/21,I was self harm free for a month and I relapsed tonight... I got in a huge fight with my FP tonight and felt like shit. Spent like 2 hours just like crying in my closet like an idiot and then started cutting. Idk why I did it or why I even got this upset in the first place but I relapsed and I feel really fucking horrible and stupid. I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster and I can't get off it.,0.1928104575163374,2.164714058823531,1.9756862745098047,97.719477124183,84.88235294117645,5.189542483660131,20.03267973856209,6.42735559955562,-0.04800653594771198,305,9,73,3,9,100,56,85,0.276,0.5720000000000001,0.152,-0.9109,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,14,6,1,5,0,3,2,1,0,0,13,13,9,0,0,3,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,7,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,8,0,1,6,3,11,7,7,7,0,14,0,0,0,1,2,7,2,1,12,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266737306584269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629700619333412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086808346891125,0.14742164848543188,0.19813530481298144,0.0,0.0,0.17552735696990487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19077393670989806,0.10781313716041532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300854606399436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20322030700325552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5040786026802409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16471237461564414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21559938758406874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219772753704534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152755988564816,0.0,0.2118227342386597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606071163037393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724106119315052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kikiinlalapaluza,2020/03/21,I'm hurting. I feel empty inside. Alone and lonely. I feel mistreated and abused. Torn down and only good for sex. I love him so much but this cycle is killing me. I went a good minute without self harming but now my leg is cut up again. It's not helping. I still feel all this hurt inside. I still feel worthless. I'm dead to him keeps repeating in my head. I want to stop hurting. I rang to feel alive again. I want to feel his warm love again. I don't by feel real anymore.,-1.0664000000000016,0.9854858600000008,0.7714999999999996,100.66325000000002,100.4,3.3000000000000003,16.25,5.148860815047168,-0.8927999999999998,366,10,84,2,16,118,64,100,0.326,0.47100000000000003,0.203,-0.9446,0,3,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,7,13,2,0,1,0,3,5,2,0,1,20,18,6,2,2,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,2,7,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,1,9,16,5,10,17,2,12,0,5,0,3,7,3,0,0,8,48,19,0,0.0,0.17503095458783266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299941014994262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650433020758435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5228623351909252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478108381180475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160932251360126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901751124836213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4744306754142623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130550705455507,0.16343674568140612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666566619244842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859548405635022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235215200066144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814433809212356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15411026056049815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359480804866929,0.123505410258993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17426504629061454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694332624594105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240243041876288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Esurienttt,2020/03/21,"I want to kill myself Hello reddit. I am at my wits end. I am completely withering away and I don’t see any point of continuing on with my life. Everything is just too overwhelming for me emotionally and the social isolation brought on by my mental illness feels like I’m looking from the outside in. I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and it has ruined my life in every way I can think of. I have no stable relationships, I have anger outbursts, and my greatest fear of being left alone is constantly coming true. I don’t want to live my life like this anymore. I seriously just want to kill myself because this pain is unbearable and takes me to places that cause me to show the ugly side of myself. When I tell you people I am the most unlovable fuck there is I aint kidding, and having people tell me over the internet that “someone out there does” isn’t helping. I need that physical presence but it’s never there. The screaming and crying from my inner world is not being heard and I’m ready to have it all go silent once and for all. No one fucking loves me, and I know it’s a fact so don’t try to say otherwise. I’m stupid, abhorrent my ugly, and completely useless trash. The only things getting me through the days are the thoughts that maybe it could get better but I know it won’t because it’s always proven to me. I have myself and the world around me as I constantly watch it burn down in front my eyes. Not to mention no one can validate or take my diagnosis or problems seriously. Everyone thinks I am an attention seeker or just dramatic but I think I’m ready to show everyone that I am serious so I think I will just kill myself.",4.5907140007977665,5.727443470948014,5.724201568940304,79.3456322297567,69.94801223241589,9.112032974338517,29.507911182023676,9.43228470229965,2.612208988166468,1313,50,253,28,23,437,170,327,0.209,0.69,0.102,-0.9895,1,2,0,0,0,3,24.0,0,1,0,1,12,23,7,2,12,0,30,9,1,1,5,50,59,22,3,6,12,0,1,2,0,2,5,3,0,2,16,16,0,0,9,2,0,4,12,18,0,2,3,8,47,5,33,51,4,30,0,3,4,3,13,18,2,4,9,179,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074908832412111,0.0,0.0,0.08635817570937804,0.0,0.0,0.07057796508113477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292771610846103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239144717944288,0.0,0.0,0.09751026133665704,0.0,0.0,0.12653383211022712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179018681932563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661669954582084,0.0,0.08940235555864358,0.21763506492177576,0.2243113558505473,0.0,0.0828645891002357,0.0,0.11400392822709696,0.06693331392180188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894762306370993,0.0,0.0908237329125076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167451585585494,0.0919234944427326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744408970282945,0.19834373364427066,0.09327606698358276,0.0,0.0,0.1167879819529616,0.05247726507867362,0.07414466151077434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19189676832071328,0.10844768924102242,0.0,0.058983913795387526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956549525257755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444711348262043,0.0,0.11407602328995906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276367461444628,0.0,0.2199211331009101,0.10140908816182156,0.0,0.0916448434989892,0.0,0.08715400958102157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367081900618224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042668776230673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459176776866808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695592336243552,0.08004607759874012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052858707214734,0.1406560119440726,0.07893384713553048,0.11043550583529108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390413838562646,0.09062183710973523,0.10843416674946964,0.0,0.09811121388110622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930908142169399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142720651371682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253470645430913,0.0,0.0,0.08270391819341602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579664615575088,0.0879374489345256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606814794843302,0.0,0.1814268871591749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895073452975019,0.2660072339204909,0.0,0.08239440472748498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046380753510101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836468231363543,0.08238040971017785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,neptunenuggets,2020/03/21,"i’m sick of it i had a “heart to heart” with my aunt, who i thought was more understanding. she starts giving me advice, which i never wanted in the first place, and has the audacity to comment “what are you stressed about” and making implications that you need a reason to have a mental illness. i didn’t ask for bpd and mdd. if this was for shits and giggles, i would’ve given up the act a long time ago. i need my fucking meds to function like a normal human. she even pulls the “i didn’t mean to upset you” bit. omfg",2.209958463136033,3.801201439252342,3.713956386292837,89.61076843198339,76.66355140186916,5.8770508826583585,21.234683281412245,6.42735559955562,0.20871007268951214,402,10,87,3,9,133,76,107,0.136,0.8,0.065,-0.8126,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,0,1,2,6,2,2,9,0,8,6,3,2,1,16,21,5,0,5,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,7,0,15,2,12,14,2,11,0,0,0,1,11,3,2,1,7,59,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17687160315367856,0.16044603080889228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921104319723465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19760567775521531,0.0,0.2279638056099076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954912953010315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395894099615287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673320545159173,0.0,0.17363218174731015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4289729507037551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842770629854196,0.0,0.0,0.16017975523645409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081924564571107,0.0,0.0,0.197162617065048,0.201050762514434,0.0,0.1824059418961441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684191688290324,0.1395987513260478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773420693547319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891070085306049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18609866945451206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18579442205060429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281130922948519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073354722025684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369418666419387,0.10554285271156193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884279138127392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675879011979683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857756885696436,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,herojusts,2020/03/21,ANYONE ELSE with INSOMNIA? Mine it can be random but it can go on for 2-3 night. What is your experience? What is the record number of nights you have been up?,-0.5745454545454507,1.6320830606060603,1.6446060606060615,95.02690909090909,97.1818181818182,5.0642424242424235,12.66060606060606,6.742157984588678,-0.5872375757575758,123,2,28,2,5,41,29,33,0.0,0.94,0.06,0.2477,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,0,3,8,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,5,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26354704399631546,0.3861929515011519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148632962022081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686942322273443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21420892154120955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7074165431842506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,UnexpectedUsername1,2020/03/21,"DAE split when OTHER people are being needy? Whilst I relate to a lot of the posts on this sub, sometimes I feel that I'm not just a ""quiet"" borderline but almost an inverted one. I've always split on people - which in my version looks like becoming angry/irritated/repulsed and then ghosting - when the other person has seemed too needy or clingy. I think it's perhaps because I grew up with an intense urge to repress my feelings and be overly independent, so I project my hatred of emotional expression and neediness onto others. This is a huge problem because my girlfriend can often be this way, which makes me feel like a massive hypocrite, especially since I've been working on recognising and acknowledging my feelings more, making me more and more needy. It is one part of my relationships with others that has destroyed them in the past.",10.397987012987011,8.855478928571431,9.693896103896105,64.74655844155848,58.41558441558442,11.916883116883115,41.480519480519476,10.608840637214634,4.565802597402596,681,30,107,12,7,218,101,154,0.152,0.77,0.078,-0.9354,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,1,6,5,1,1,9,0,10,0,0,3,0,26,20,11,1,1,4,0,4,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,13,7,0,1,7,0,0,1,1,3,0,2,1,6,14,2,15,16,6,17,0,0,1,0,5,9,0,5,7,83,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18895059675563655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700919915050635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23005321131296125,0.20839859424535565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21225626525116806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816390652502689,0.13480361100110475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843735070603354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584561176132597,0.0,0.0,0.16042158090235675,0.0,0.0,0.2519105037608694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557289753938683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043380926225098,0.18013054878960644,0.2616344467304122,0.16476103105779286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18071746930315447,0.0,0.0,0.1805554507643374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025876104327768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178066946031906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560902979477557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866239934354193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090801601301708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497771583065181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373720700781426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,FakeZirconis,2020/03/21,"Is my BPD actually getting better or is it just hiding until I find someone else I've fully had BPD for 2 years without knowing it, and when I finally realized I did it was so freeing. But the damage had still already been done. I let go of my ""FP"" (don't really like using that term) about 2 months ago after half a year of so much emotional stress and such emotional intensity that I almost took my life, and ever since then I've been feeling great. Things just simply started going up for me, my life has gotten better and I've started taking care of myself and realized that everything I did hear was true. You do need to be strong on your own & you do need to better yourself. The pain of losing her is still very much there, a lot of nights I start regressing on the positive mindset I've made (although when I wake up the next day I'm usually okay). But it has me worried and questioning whether my BPD has actually gotten better, or if it's somehow hiding and waiting for the next ""FP"" to enter my life. Ever since I lost her I've been kinda in over my head trying to find someone to replace her - anyone that shows even slight interest in me I start to fantasize about and I start thinking they might be the one to change my life and make me forever happy. I've learned I can't trust my brain but it worries me so much that once I do finally find someone else, if ever, that my BPD will start creeping back and that it'll again ruin what I have before I even realize it.",8.43036153846154,5.789700923333335,8.789333333333335,73.14992307692306,63.1,11.764102564102563,36.74358974358975,10.035473477838034,3.463628205128205,1167,41,231,19,13,391,157,300,0.094,0.807,0.099,-0.0957,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,3,1,7,21,20,0,1,8,1,28,8,3,3,4,47,54,26,0,4,11,0,1,1,0,3,5,1,0,0,17,10,0,1,11,1,1,4,3,6,0,2,15,2,38,15,27,33,6,41,0,4,0,0,9,7,0,10,31,163,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.15175812355023358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892638599769313,0.0,0.07786183541475737,0.0,0.08580615697560649,0.0,0.0,0.08424906229994374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05436910564241968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978989709677125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616499716110004,0.0,0.0,0.275076983510328,0.0,0.0,0.39172601976516425,0.08680189444389094,0.0,0.0,0.07927786529063159,0.0,0.08225599561839247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05014646643600321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957182706715499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991104399848752,0.17493104202376142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271478086603338,0.21100543494007185,0.0,0.0,0.06988246791036369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039315988671879985,0.0,0.0,0.1703567425474933,0.21320391232186234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04062452678602288,0.0,0.08838154515582905,0.0,0.0,0.08572674151108432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277316844070362,0.0,0.0,0.0798005326396997,0.0,0.0876371507723059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04273290188310351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951122055351871,0.2196866716723832,0.037987865368160574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698955882044865,0.0848803314981599,0.06610573845050254,0.0,0.073575016654019,0.051903022588607725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248728730424404,0.0,0.0,0.062064442708930585,0.0,0.171479774322954,0.11531081913722525,0.0,0.0,0.16538969652109994,0.0729691446854505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828080630866078,0.052689771122164865,0.0,0.08273832658550931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871049999738922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0498127618287308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864184921698105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976483191889248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33021841947804603,0.0,0.1241927751274243,0.0,0.08906973089954537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05846316045227268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05165791878874305,0.049823182380870426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639025771456116,0.05279151370930369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715659232800952,0.08563772522804201,0.06415720025623246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495442633869417,0.0,0.0,0.15793086350494734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100145186575474 bpd,ufowifey,2020/03/21,"DAE anyone else with diagnosed bpd reject their diagnosis at first? hi! new to the sub! please let me know if i'm using this correctly and if i'm formatting this okay (mobile user) i am seventeen and have been diagnosed bpd for at least three years, even though most psychiatrists are hesitant to diagnose adolescents. it's quite clear that i have bpd on top of a multitude of other issues associated with bpd. (tw: suicide attempt/hospitalization) after my second or third hospitalization for suicide attempt it was clear that there was more to my diagnosis than what had been discussed. my former diagnosis was PTSD and PTSD-related depressive symptoms. the resident psychologist at the hospital brought up the possibility of bpd and i immediately shut it down. i was 100% positive that my diagnosis was correct. anyone else have this feeling of extreme distress after first hearing about possibly having bpd? i spent years in denial of having bpd because i ""clearly did not display the symptoms"" when in reality i was just in denial.",6.5500000000000025,9.172894000000003,7.576666666666667,62.11500000000001,67.33333333333334,10.8,35.888888888888886,10.793553405168565,4.9159555555555565,840,43,122,27,15,282,111,180,0.10800000000000001,0.789,0.10300000000000001,-0.6087,0,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,1,5,6,4,0,1,6,1,18,5,0,1,5,20,26,9,2,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,11,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,3,0,5,12,2,13,1,25,13,3,21,0,2,0,0,4,11,0,4,9,94,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234787595021795,0.1792844518634482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05333212923325642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7713202225437046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753536485688136,0.2663967162445672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617069848661654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057785276763162086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04423677424936644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883521194331795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986058086171182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131518102724692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0480813480083034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946283770890615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449686190703562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096036013671813,0.0,0.19726009797194013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045385640111478,0.0,0.0,0.09305470459917543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19139626464661286,0.0,0.0,0.18186793569388493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595692915524272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556190533485663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267934904733735 bpd,MoonbeamDarling,2020/03/21,"I'm separated from my boyfriend because of the coronavirus, and don't know when I will see him. I am having a lot of trouble regulating my emotions. My boyfriend's family, who he lives with, will not allow him to come and go from their house because of the coronavirus. I haven't seen him in two weeks now, and don't know when I will. His parents said he can either come live with me or stay there until this blows over...the problem is that this could be months, due to the fact that we have no idea whats about to happen. My boyfriend and I aren't ready to commit to living together in my small apartment for potentially months because of a pandemic. We worry that being trapped together for months without the ability to leave could ruin our relationship - I agree it could be bad, but the alternative of not seeing each other for months is just as bad and is triggering my abandonment issues hardcore. I feel as though I'm the one who cares more about seeing him. I've turned into a needy, angry mess, constantly blaming him and his family for separating us and getting angry. I know it's unattractive and it's definitely taking a toll on him. I feel bad about it but I feel the anger in my chest so strongly, like I just want to punch someone. He tries to make me happy consistently and talks with me daily, reminds me how much he loves me, etc. but I feel like I'm the one with this deep, primal need for him. It makes me mad that I'm needy and angry want him so bad, but he's just fine with this and is trying to 'get through it'. Part of me tells me, if he really loved me as much as I love him, he'd feel the same way I do. I know it's not true but its my BPD. I'm furious at his family for doing this to us. (And him for not caring as much as me about being together.) I know they are just trying to protect themselves but it makes me so mad. My logical brain understands their choice but my emotional brain is on rage-mode. Any time he talks about them while we're video chatting I get mad and jealous (I don't show this) because I hate that he gets to be around them but not me. And the worst of it is that I don't know how long this will last. I have gone through DBT therapy, am fairly self aware, and have a therapist...but it doesn't take away from the pain. My boyfriend is loving, supportive, and amazing...and I need to get a handle on my emotions so I can be strong for us and make it through this. Any thoughts or advice would be helpful. tl;dr: My boyfriend's family will not allow him to see me unless he moves in with me (which we aren't ready for) - I'm having a hard time regulating my emotions. I'm very angry and upset that we have to be apart and it is draining him, but I can't stop feeling that way. I need to get a handle on these feelings.",3.0909012138799175,4.314951137082602,4.21182245473495,88.43453345322273,73.6572934973638,7.472285118731352,24.48036130297952,7.97965635744439,1.1379933870110763,2163,64,472,31,43,706,230,569,0.20800000000000002,0.6829999999999999,0.109,-0.996,1,1,0,0,0,0,68.0,8,0,5,2,21,33,7,1,19,0,48,8,3,9,3,102,107,49,0,11,25,1,8,2,0,6,1,1,0,1,35,34,0,3,17,3,0,5,17,19,0,3,4,14,82,14,70,85,11,41,0,2,5,4,53,16,0,4,19,321,117,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367566446091688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862494518682598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058008097375694415,0.0,0.0,0.0612219518951832,0.0,0.21763057626276372,0.15888888156744818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206940252946,0.14548494112708707,0.0,0.0,0.1328742378076106,0.0,0.0,0.11226278416853612,0.0,0.07041709687359314,0.0,0.1560799392238407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931944344437988,0.0,0.0,0.0726729828706076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245716170355144,0.0,0.2306354621491197,0.046551827859688186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20426709321191333,0.0,0.037033131523495584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057622642949330026,0.0693662829287809,0.0583724557503791,0.06433409784741291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043676792016932434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518833168909846,0.0,0.07356009609129895,0.0,0.06801231824108826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148683650679395,0.05311582066391531,0.0,0.06899727094594768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636698356877799,0.0,0.1726180236795495,0.05766642109873426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05539849981529317,0.23524541095750506,0.0,0.17398487058372972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080471135207976,0.0692570156854395,0.14370495616306764,0.14495064745683167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831107084492146,0.0,0.06933708445745618,0.0,0.07235481711030711,0.07056422036693172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623513435633483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041744519336009436,0.0,0.0,0.06995972509441832,0.0,0.0,0.06198409318431039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077030758311397,0.0,0.06797829710436683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055211648442488166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694541443211751,0.0,0.054478445770239255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394519571123588,0.0,0.0,0.09798760166461952,0.10474967921817133,0.05695456050416853,0.0,0.07451855725093548,0.07565823769552929,0.0,0.0,0.06402144698140234,0.05173144050186253,0.07599310636281317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272239586267,0.07087766917053792,0.06365391777031801,0.0678360596109122,0.2351460028486351,0.0,0.0,0.05376556906940658,0.07686860724629832,0.1034453074219378,0.05226911800421074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281395338755176,0.0,0.0,0.0661752906614827,0.0,0.04628929678792376,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,betapidelta,2020/03/21,i don't know anymore. i'm at a lowest low right now. i only have one friend who has borderline and i'm currently texting her. i should probably talk to her more often. i want to die. whether that's suicide or anything else. i feel like i'm ruining everyone's life with my emotions and bpd. i've been a time bomb the past few days and i feel horrible for it. i just feel like i'm not worth anything and everyone's life would be simpler not having to worry about my emotions. i just don't know anymore.,0.37189010989011,2.711447009523813,2.506666666666668,91.47692307692309,88.42857142857143,5.897435897435898,24.267399267399263,7.321109707123232,1.2493663003663005,396,17,84,7,13,133,67,105,0.218,0.669,0.113,-0.9058,2,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,9,2,0,0,0,20,19,6,2,3,6,0,3,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,5,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,1,3,12,3,7,15,2,8,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,2,7,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299436030291599,0.0,0.0,0.2737792731464808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950857412213672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728023312384437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726422123286117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389618060457556,0.3742365973653613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179039066983974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523305466954381,0.23767705812556514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851949479672356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828402279123019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23499200468384135,0.16253775558740224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127212210743033,0.12651460126350247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879730000150505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935050136373715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420596670101645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819569235221239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370364140809038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699843587547573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811593482202774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893373609766932,0.0,0.11816833397407847,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gunstav13,2020/03/22,"Why hasn’t my best friend left yet I was diagnosed with BPD at age 16, My entire life I’ve never had a close friend or partner stay in my life for more than a year. I acknowledge that my mental state and ethics could be described as “questionable” at best. 2 years ago I met my current best friend (and now roommate) and despite all the shitty things I’ve done that he’s heard about or even been there for, he won’t leave and every time I talk to him about it he just says he’s not going anywhere. I appreciate him immensely and everything he’s done for me but for some reason i get suspicious of him constantly. There’s no way he would still be in my life unless he was gaining something I’m not aware of, yet on the surface it looks like I take advantage of him. No matter how many outbursts I have towards him or how many times I’ve disregarded his advice completely he just doesn’t leave. I’m not trying to make him leave my life I just can’t comprehend why he hasn’t left yet when everyone else does",5.375144927536233,5.179648120772948,5.787741545893719,84.29146739130438,67.79227053140096,9.412077294685991,28.84420289855073,9.075114841892004,2.011084057971015,799,24,172,13,12,257,120,207,0.09300000000000001,0.778,0.129,0.8168,1,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,5,16,8,0,0,4,0,16,5,0,4,2,31,25,14,0,2,11,0,0,1,4,2,5,2,0,1,5,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,11,0,0,0,8,3,24,8,21,12,6,29,0,0,1,0,25,10,0,5,16,105,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179550112969938,0.10141336482921026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601838029212175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408942664159344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995174396785313,0.12363144852479455,0.0,0.09134329506438177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161189360211784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011681858749708,0.23415261402964885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955709189569517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556359871869721,0.0,0.09639137023536028,0.10931913368039756,0.10282007551645728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651676724227751,0.0,0.05977202919217104,0.0,0.0650191487143791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634159712641089,0.24860331088812476,0.0,0.32323128885898617,0.05589263377007938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960716091112623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076366402928675,0.2319779647028351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529359897075228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088236393424985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816007995974618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762766685141998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097965882131734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807476252829814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194079065615505,0.09136419261537287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601852156028345,0.09195461861696368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760057746915071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342126038508426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776736653488122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908095744320783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20646591458259775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127021798922279,0.0,0.0,0.14734647979959062 bpd,thelibrarian30,2020/03/22,"""you behave like someone with bpd"" this is basically going to be a ""therapists are useless, which is why i'm asking the internet for help""-post. all kidding aside: so far my experiences with therapists haven't exactly been enlightening and i have come to the conclusion that when/if i see one again it would be helpful if i had a general idea what's going on with me for them to confirm or deny. a couple of days ago i explained my issue in some forum and someone repeatedly said ""that sounds a lot like bpd"". i don't know what to make of this suggestion. i hope no one will take offense but this is my (most likely cliché and uninformed) idea of what people suffering from bpd are like: unpredictable and self destructive, with extreme mood swings, an inability to form stable relationships. i imagine people with bpd to be very extreme and unable to control their emotions, people who get into arguments a lot and do extreme things. if my idea is wrong i apologise and i'll gladly accept corrections. i do not identify with this idea in my head of what people with bpd are like. the things that prompted that person to think that i might have bpd is my nearly constant depression starting with puberty, chronic feelings of emptiness, self harming and my complete inability to handle rejection and criticism. whenever i feel rejected, criticised or attacked, i take myself out of the situation, hide and usually cut myself. i never argue with people, quite the opposite. i never fight back or say anything. i quietly walk away and then slice open my arms until i feel calm again. does that sound like bpd in any way? can this still just be ""nornal"" depression?",6.4274540311173975,7.919028501650168,6.899849127769923,71.29297029702971,65.96369636963696,10.25987741631306,33.9005186232909,10.398101306919678,3.91395879302216,1328,59,215,34,21,433,174,303,0.218,0.6709999999999999,0.11,-0.9925,0,1,0,0,1,1,39.0,0,1,2,3,6,25,6,0,11,0,24,3,2,2,5,61,43,20,0,4,8,0,3,6,0,3,1,5,0,4,20,24,0,1,14,0,0,4,6,14,0,2,3,9,30,10,36,33,6,29,0,6,1,0,17,10,0,11,20,157,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525037909508813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05005698317093885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06057434534630934,0.0,0.06881494456441845,0.08374143117886823,0.06915854693616806,0.0566011607187878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6489601059440319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340806514464839,0.07717815871902688,0.07954571764681423,0.08255931173301402,0.0,0.08144751003747124,0.0,0.0474720369835992,0.0,0.12679950642864354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441616820061112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280077826749285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200421410803415,0.0,0.0,0.11165752250919783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03845792485674895,0.0,0.08366794868108285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554458182247697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098677790472797,0.0,0.0,0.07311084101206572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332384656201031,0.0,0.07682919210689153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040453855331962885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157712969052467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516032668245214,0.0,0.0,0.04913491184930144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808804551724956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354436628071105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975940245205224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551577898681582,0.06427297485705069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049755203751565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829276244841321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902905382479994,0.0,0.0,0.07001948949818138,0.05853722769213202,0.0,0.0,0.0586572400666325,0.0,0.1535815211831891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274016045369997,0.0,0.0,0.12473817844848716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052101181918548296,0.0,0.05878464060343078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069036414401387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093260246691666,0.09780576002756253,0.04716599443041039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107046314828915,0.06073554528941591,0.0,0.058427793685138035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664211231893187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052290075789003215,0.0804804312190812,0.0,0.0 bpd,Socialist7,2020/03/22,"DAE become randomly obsessed with people? For the record I'm not talking about romantic obsession, I'm talking about an indescribable obsessive interest in the life of a random person. For example I had a teacher in school who was quite mean to me. I had no attraction to him at all but I became oddly obsessed with him. I had a yearning to know things about him, like his upbringing and his hobbies. I recently looked him up on social media and trawled through his photos. I've never felt any romantic or sexual interest in this man but I was obsessed with him.",4.498605870020967,6.704170349056604,5.812767295597485,74.36546121593294,71.9245283018868,9.616771488469603,32.532494758909856,9.994966539143718,3.8455651991614257,451,22,75,13,9,151,69,106,0.135,0.745,0.12,0.3147,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,10,0,5,6,0,5,1,0,0,2,17,11,5,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,6,2,15,4,19,5,1,8,0,1,1,0,14,6,0,3,3,57,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17816590634119267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893534167912369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25155674115363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398586058616195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505515121923435,0.12799775455990206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200102126835368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853898774924581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020670608460064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18163467317490506,0.2287643420209007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786644359677581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25868892293482365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651534066813484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670713915955077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42116407513736653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740581510994507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wastedhipppo,2020/03/22,"Alcohol control I (27F) have been seeing this guy (26M) for roughly 4-5 months and I am absolutely crazy about him. Like more infatuated right now than I ever remember being in my life. He is completely aware of my BPD (I told him about it before we even started dating), and I feel as though I've been okay except for a few blow ups when I've been drunk. Every time I do blow up I'm filled with so much shame and fear that he's going to leave me any moment... he went through a reasonably traumatic break up before we met and i don't want to have him deal with the shit (cheating, suicide threats/attempts, verbal abuse, to name a few) that i've done in past relationships. We are quite affectionate towards each other physically, and I believe he really likes me, but I think he's holding out a fair bit in fear of me devaluing him... I started DBT sessions with a psych in the second half of last year, and although i found them helpful (especially with recognising triggers and not being so judging of myself) they were way too expensive and I couldn't afford to go on past 10 sessions. I'm also going to begin sessions with a low cost psych hopefully soon (am going to self refer today). I am so afraid of ruining what I have with him, and I really believe what we have can work out if I don't screw up again. I guess the main question i have is has anyone here with BPD got any good tips for controlling alcohol consumption? I wouldn't necessarily call myself an alcoholic but I drink to the point of blacking out so frequently, and that is usually when I have been exhibiting most of my BPD episodes around him. I have tried so many times in the past but it's been a huge coping mechanism for me since I was in a physically abusive relationship a few years back. I just cannot seem to stop when I start, and I struggle to not turn to it in the first place whenever I start feeling any hint of uneasiness (depression, anxiety, paranoia, etc). Thanks in advance!",6.648626799557028,6.143475509043933,7.269494278331487,75.7672093023256,65.22739018087856,10.782281284606864,33.67404946474713,10.290406445055957,3.2649134736064958,1550,59,304,33,21,514,215,387,0.10800000000000001,0.7879999999999999,0.10400000000000001,-0.4346,1,0,4,0,1,1,47.0,4,0,2,6,22,18,3,5,16,1,32,8,1,4,1,57,58,27,1,5,8,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,0,2,10,27,5,4,9,2,2,7,7,11,0,3,13,5,48,7,53,41,10,61,0,3,2,1,28,23,2,6,31,208,58,6,0.0,0.2048191468849921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27711340230280995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912084523768844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763332484139948,0.0,0.0661213971536343,0.0,0.0,0.060436318575633335,0.0,0.0,0.07694414721881278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646203254308279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709709860903844,0.1947619306053552,0.0,0.0,0.09436300481431546,0.0,0.3265799332887281,0.0,0.08825827566376084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062388882595034,0.0,0.1938850579547482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910915161707783,0.07444505391485749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845148790756821,0.0,0.08467193240396137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639620925007716,0.057088516957345424,0.07818405653080197,0.07282395846059038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19452345322232695,0.08740675751104676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352029787536532,0.0,0.09476988039245214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964886181639492,0.07249632582378908,0.06912877231649055,0.0,0.09521625382392844,0.0855827621224454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05793455857085996,0.0,0.0,0.08584797613493411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045484526656452,0.0,0.09152060511444687,0.0,0.0,0.061050542946828136,0.0844540923110997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763001098564277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899040157926603,0.0,0.0635385736550471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24753169104520256,0.0,0.0,0.090304619579299,0.0,0.08170760297782126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682531036238684,0.09193267522528167,0.0,0.0,0.11074303715102794,0.08886804185569687,0.0,0.18559448182515587,0.09791231552525788,0.07381374369297865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887631540923356,0.07868581960160224,0.09016899944513963,0.0,0.0887227540301352,0.07149869111852884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447123277494365,0.0,0.0,0.07226228304729357,0.0,0.09035906944198106,0.0,0.094544229186909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795763615938195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0553831019885829,0.08492048290765836,0.0,0.10080014736089588,0.0,0.08192885931863671,0.08259092106119435,0.0,0.05868267838741297,0.0940148368574016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519429799000388,0.0,0.05098072252015035,0.0686068956185416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012472799264676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292462334921975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132069082573612 bpd,bat__woman,2020/03/22,"Have you ever been accused of being wishy-washy or weak, not knowing what their principles are? My boyfriend told me casually on the phone that he can't stand people who ""don't stand for anything""- that talk in circles and don't know what their values are etc. I understood why, but I felt pretty ashamed because I know I can be that person. I really struggle to have conviction, get easily pulled in opposite directions and change my mind all the time. I feel like it's connected to BPD. Does anyone know that feeling, and how do you deal with it?",6.9225714285714295,6.979874161904764,6.743571428571428,77.8839285714286,64.52380952380952,10.428571428571429,32.73809523809524,10.125756701596842,3.132238095238096,437,16,82,9,6,138,78,105,0.1,0.7559999999999999,0.14400000000000002,0.5954,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,2,0,2,5,0,2,2,0,12,1,0,1,2,19,22,6,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,8,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,3,13,2,8,16,2,8,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,1,3,54,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444015487760385,0.0,0.16994596595081635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589089922475838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26010104121442995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21846769453098344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129100482439508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18072449425770168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303211419873345,0.0,0.186806528238684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20884248835063202,0.147535847996376,0.198288789427642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789665411781987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4539855598286802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089381697642162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208523386154552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431729449855675,0.18032275436352732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21010212139796747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230013390671871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21589649867661456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599061155431052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042177401615282,0.0,0.0,0.1973359264289208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18634954906094892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,trippyfungus,2020/03/22,"What's your style? So I've heard there are a lot of us that change our appearance often, but I wanna know how many of us struggle to try a style at all? As if everything seems to defining to suit me. Like I don't want to be perceived in a way I dont see myself, but I also don't know who how I even perceive myself. Basically I resort to the most boring sense of style, and it's harming imagine of myself. How does one make their own style?",2.361293233082705,3.2484374000000042,4.111278195488726,89.75894736842108,75.0,6.69172932330827,23.045112781954884,6.868970318607317,0.5490902255639094,343,9,78,3,7,116,66,95,0.14400000000000002,0.821,0.036000000000000004,-0.8709,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,3,1,1,0,8,4,0,1,4,0,5,0,0,4,1,21,13,10,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,1,2,15,1,13,11,4,4,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,6,1,58,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833317147805218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425168599960545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20061884648824785,0.0,0.26868013181301026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514179358206159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20603576139326352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519803962081634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200031994967673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19490076068268528,0.0,0.0,0.1530266331087833,0.23242424372834705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534621823483233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826831394829909,0.20870124181593355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23966262405799005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556461877698831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5515207689678281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521801199376787,0.18196854763948092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chellybelly28,2020/03/22,"Are you supposed to be happy in a relationship, including the one with yourself? Suicidal thoughts everyday and at least suicidal feelings 3 days of the week. I didn’t ask anyone to erode my interests and small pleasures in life. But I guess who I am doesn’t matter. Whatever vessel of body this is supposed to be can be used and molded by somebody else. It seems to have never mattered in the first place. The only difference between social distancing and before seems to be that I get to stop pretending I’m okay when I’m suffering in public. I can now peacefully do it at the comfort of my own so-called “home.”",3.492110939907552,5.8573901525423775,4.793636363636368,79.80105546995381,75.4406779661017,8.358705701078582,29.371340523882896,9.095868883498916,2.8936,490,22,87,12,11,162,83,118,0.11199999999999999,0.7390000000000001,0.149,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,2,6,0,0,6,1,13,2,1,1,1,16,23,6,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,5,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,1,0,2,2,1,8,5,18,17,2,16,0,1,0,0,6,8,0,3,8,62,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361751932509509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18206691951237255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16571968893730782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21632567416979795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559899003464925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034744887260992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16269038558659202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847251103332996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565603277963115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174993170200132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21454138952687146,0.0,0.0,0.20731722685561327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19535223070894056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755916441958224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020482198718946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196906000438394,0.14811774434707578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034744887260992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090908664234918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545899863820538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19852523545658848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16282147209885695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4260543654450948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461140965422038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16820328071033958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562183835905913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BIGGL0CKK99,2020/03/22,"I need advice please I'm going crazy (26M) I work in retail and about 2 months ago this really cute girl came into my store and she came onto me very strong. (1st red flag) We ended up exchanging numbers. It started out with us texting all day everyday and hanging out a lot. As you can see it was pretty short lived. This girl has been through a lot of trauma in her life as have I so it's made her emotionally cold (2nd red flag). Everything started off fine, we hooked up a couple of times and we would spend the night with each other at her place. But then things started to change. We would lay in bed together and she wouldn't want to cuddle. It hurt me but I had really strong feelings for her so I was hoping things would get back to the way they were in the beginning. I invested so much of myself into her. I had been lonely for close to a year before we met so when she showed up in my life I was very vulnerable and I got attached quick. She recently got out of an abusive LTR and was having a hard time getting over her ex. I knew I was basically a rebound but sometimes rebounds can turn into something more and that's what I was hoping for 😔 (3rd red flag) the first night we hung out I picked her up and took her to a bar with me and a few of my friends. I stayed the night with her at her house in her bed that first night we hung out. (4th red flag). It was her first time going to a bar and we had a great time. Afterwards she ended up getting hooked on going to the bar, literally addicted, all she wanted to do was go out. It got to the point where she would go there by herself to drink and her being an attractive female I knew it was only a matter of time before someone came onto her and she could possibly leave me for them. Well it finally happened, she met someone else and she's being cold as fuck, she basically dropped me like I was nothing and I'm having a really hard time getting over it because it was the first time I thought I found someone again in almost a year. She's literally texting me, telling me that she's with this other guy right now and I can't seem to get the fuck over it. I keep blowing up her phone with calls and texts and she completely ignores them. I know it's making me look desperate as fuck but honestly I don't have anyone that's been there for me like she's been there for me these last few months. We spent so much time together. I feel fucking used. I don't know why I ignored all of the red flags dude but this shit fucking hurts. I don't have anyone to talk to now and I feel isolated as fuck. I don't have social media so it's not like I can just meet someone new to distract myself. I can't stop thinking about her even tho I know that she isn't for me I just wish it wasn't true. I don't want to go back to being single and lonely again. Apparently she contacted a few of my exes to get information on me and they told her that I'm obsessive and controlling. I fucking hate having BPD it's literally ruining all of my relationships and I'm left her with no one again. What should I do? How do I accept it, learn from it and move on when all I can think about is her. It only takes 2 seconds to call her phone or shoot her another text. I know she's probably going around and sending screenshots of our conversations to her friends and smearing my name, making me look like a desperate fuck. Why do people have to use us and just toss us to the side like it's nothing. After everything I did for this girl I can't believe it. The worst part about this whole situation is I knew this shit was going to happen eventually and I still allowed myself to become emotionally invested in her. I just need some help and suggestions please. I know this is a female dominated sub but fuck I'm depressed as shit 😓",1.9269910371318808,3.8016824673495577,3.5368758002560843,89.29714468629963,78.35979513444303,6.704737516005123,22.3956466069142,7.677116360667737,0.8774906530089628,2961,89,640,45,71,982,298,781,0.147,0.753,0.099,-0.9922,3,4,2,1,0,0,57.0,13,1,4,8,34,44,13,2,30,0,61,20,3,9,6,131,142,53,0,15,12,1,5,5,2,6,3,0,2,4,41,60,4,5,19,5,7,15,13,25,1,6,39,15,126,19,97,93,19,109,0,6,8,10,86,43,12,8,53,448,167,2,0.0,0.060857813928912124,0.0,0.055994224790406895,0.0,0.05019220161941753,0.04553099188227553,0.0,0.0514335191798253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05385952014254925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718296562867649,0.0,0.0,0.04572475440482801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899132617939066,0.0,0.031310952332550976,0.056727384185132936,0.08741377935392276,0.05786951812601705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469102495305909,0.0,0.10489655483327977,0.17623982973366492,0.0,0.0,0.05433618801506387,0.0,0.053854064403275004,0.0,0.057608973379973574,0.041009888914353,0.05683317047006727,0.0,0.03312546165265187,0.0,0.04423964563842444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050317060544492316,0.0,0.0,0.04290794159664081,0.11555493210696485,0.0909863268894164,0.0,0.0,0.03392536679608879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232510984245253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791338259587191,0.0,0.0,0.05626663395844097,0.0,0.1747604040401371,0.0,0.05631785733613672,0.07936723238832763,0.4273658213704977,0.16101308425289546,0.0,0.2335302718565689,0.0,0.12324119185400373,0.056628873186035725,0.0,0.050858329330848,0.09084184161224332,0.0,0.09202391817495198,0.050711210279441005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03442813466593345,0.0,0.0,0.10203187030609256,0.0,0.059267036088539136,0.10997221923600016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04565458798407917,0.0,0.0,0.1411412611137614,0.04186842811165968,0.0,0.05438694615639538,0.0558070198588547,0.0,0.0725596730466485,0.12546901775472336,0.0,0.04535525840743138,0.0,0.08626546731643625,0.0,0.0,0.08733548980393073,0.0,0.04860175733172118,0.06857159463508082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199633844875752,0.054591689372575865,0.07551674248459964,0.07617135142195418,0.0,0.04960756777307824,0.0,0.1928061357774383,0.0,0.0985700809427294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034805503096049975,0.07812911010021331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055622090570376884,0.0,0.03560925597767452,0.0,0.053664335769976465,0.11276426010050555,0.048555481010706524,0.057905071609838536,0.0,0.05225554467058596,0.055378963880978786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987150750019118,0.0,0.050715647592817416,0.0551455985093541,0.0,0.04386448383740301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04093037248746921,0.04675975894819175,0.0,0.0,0.15817289364236425,0.0,0.0577351676143622,0.0,0.0523590203423348,0.17408183888315334,0.039542434120618426,0.05080020338961904,0.0,0.109066883160942,0.05474707558351795,0.04101927117108156,0.042942514336708336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03861925509997998,0.04128435143472125,0.044894306296955115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824777614495058,0.06582381709693783,0.0,0.04077719351206907,0.2396055917776433,0.0,0.0,0.049080400759426566,0.05706717486741612,0.0,0.05586916589626725,0.0,0.0,0.18535331644985045,0.08872382371042133,0.0,0.08476118170924593,0.0908872643679627,0.04077026734358924,0.0,0.0,0.04618230821827088,0.0,0.092695848290394,0.05734595204495601,0.0590659418800338,0.0,0.0,0.037393525728177834,0.0,0.0,0.14594974308444436,0.0,0.0,0.0661533259145414 bpd,ShortStory3,2020/03/22,"Bpd in relationships Guys, I'm in a bind. I myself dont have bpd, but my SO does, and I dont know what to think anymore, today has gotten me feeling I'm going to blow up. So let me start from the beginning. First off, let me say that as someone who in the past thought he was incapable of emotion, I adore this woman. I love her to the core, more so than any other person I've been with. We've been together for 2 years now, and, for the most part, she's been living with someone else. My big problem with this, is that before we were together, they were. And through the fsct that I was incapable of setting boundaries early on, they still live together, and though I do try my best to trust her, I just can't. They have a dynamic that me and her don't even have, and I just have this feeling that somethings going on. Now, I cant even talk to ther about this without stonewalling, and manipulation. But the biggest problem, is that whenever I try to start distancing, and eventually leave, she's the sweetest thing on planet earth, all over again. When this isnt happening, she's cold towards me, uncaring, and just all around feels like she doesnt love me anymore. I honestly feel like she's keeping me around just because she's afraid of life without me not being there, but Im immensely miserable in the process, because I love her, but am not loved back. She feels super deceptive and like shes closed off to me. She used to be the best sexual partner in the world, but our sex life is now dead. I came here to try to understand. Do these sound like things you would do? Why? What is going through her mind? Btw, throwaway, because even though she doesnt use reddit, you never know.",4.377919254658384,5.273290880952384,4.857391304347825,86.25717391304346,70.25,8.224430641821947,28.59679089026915,8.456263369488248,1.8475441511387167,1320,47,276,20,23,420,168,336,0.086,0.735,0.179,0.9903,0,0,1,0,0,0,52.0,2,2,3,4,24,19,0,2,12,0,34,7,0,3,3,53,62,22,1,3,13,0,5,4,1,1,2,2,0,4,18,18,0,1,10,0,0,4,13,4,0,1,10,8,48,15,41,47,7,40,0,1,0,5,35,19,0,1,20,199,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062446826025091134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18213926042203465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634944453722497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061078419676707,0.0,0.16793420278535748,0.0,0.07813966176192724,0.0,0.192737607715404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313106627456481,0.0,0.0,0.10502784027989157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036012148574567,0.0,0.21524566022828234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671129352929827,0.1032951941501371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18195644024468552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23215734818036446,0.13120522170708498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810964679712848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15656550307841416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092508483356926,0.08120402561101159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919100975233447,0.0,0.0,0.08162177838146527,0.0,0.0,0.1009335643473582,0.0,0.0,0.09723358510145852,0.0,0.1878026191160394,0.12972298764168938,0.17945192039822924,0.0,0.1621732672938115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33151680309187026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272104875891632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708241371942811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944178997371056,0.08766111091032094,0.0,0.08018148567418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17573578164581524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858991218611796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730260563485963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561272044020694,0.0706944019642083,0.0,0.0,0.1299939883256128,0.0,0.0733347076106085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738086210437917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201413057267264,0.05884027486111512,0.1804429284822404,0.07290191848891253,0.0,0.0,0.08704309488406764,0.0,0.0,0.187037460990192,0.0,0.0,0.0955971618108272,0.0,0.1586214353434443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286133245446117,0.0,0.0,0.17703963645322335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523264205683195,0.0,0.0,0.05913482461912142 bpd,ThrwAwy4479,2020/03/22,"Is it BPD I (F21) find myself unable to function alone and catch myself copying routines of the people I’m around.I was raised by a narcissistic father with light verbal and physical abuse but still remain loyal to him even though I know he’s a terrible person and I feel like sometimes I’m chasing my lost childhood. My past relationships have been a constant cycle of me helping them be better people and one day just leaving. I also notice my relationship move at very fast, I can no longer be around people without feeling like they know my ever move and thought so I’m not sure if it’s BPD or NPD. I was on the starting journey of my mental health then the Corona virus happened and I continued to spiral down",5.003812949640288,6.393739345323741,5.705820143884893,78.91211151079139,69.2158273381295,7.2866187050359725,29.007913669064752,7.554174236665415,1.891310215827338,575,21,100,6,10,187,98,139,0.128,0.755,0.11800000000000001,0.1308,0,1,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,2,2,8,7,0,0,6,0,8,1,0,0,2,22,19,13,0,1,6,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,8,0,0,6,0,0,4,3,2,0,1,5,3,18,5,13,12,0,18,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,2,12,67,20,0,0.0,0.16575125985227526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488777170144554,0.0,0.11187300947634686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490702560525441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372468465504854,0.0,0.0,0.3523826504721181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117548361559838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021991832517716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239852575004877,0.12654193777712194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146900226269715,0.1998802961874889,0.0,0.0,0.1278603852764954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237076122395589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14870055193149456,0.0,0.0,0.09376785538021493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376393160669086,0.0,0.0,0.14812731945104782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669007427421176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271059198061215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098003210478272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973699088678477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927000165162167,0.0,0.0,0.09479564932617153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354444727814593,0.2909542091470532,0.12214985727540265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30038714301864794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835853063037712,0.0,0.0990175411887337,0.0,0.1117193575630366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184823696914952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744493367225674,0.11106003915553878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542702364634776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485261680436905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jordanpatrickbeats,2020/03/22,"Friends, anyone? Not sure if this is 100% allowed but here goes. Social isolation is already making me overthink and lately my paranoia has just been off the wall and I’ve been shoving it all down inside hoping that it’ll go away. During this period of isolation I’ve realized how few friends I have, especially ones I can relate to. It’s hard for me to make genuine friendships bc I feel like I can’t be honest with neurotypicals (or people who don’t have BPD) about my thoughts and feelings since I’m borderline and there’s such a stigma. Since social isolation is gonna be an ongoing thing I was wondering if any of y’all would like to be friends; I’d love to have some company. And what better people to make friends with than others who understand you bc you have the same personality disorder? Anyways if anyone’s interested I’m 22M from the US, down to make friends with anyone, age/gender/location etc doesn’t matter. I’ll send you pics of my cats and plenty of memes. Can talk on Reddit or another platform.",3.120208939434012,5.4846236180904535,4.445490610949489,81.84541655646656,76.63819095477386,7.606559111346204,26.554086220576572,8.532816995589336,2.133586934673367,816,32,151,17,19,269,127,199,0.08800000000000001,0.684,0.228,0.9879,1,3,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,4,0,1,7,13,0,0,5,0,21,1,0,6,2,36,36,13,0,5,8,0,3,2,5,3,0,0,0,1,11,9,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,4,3,15,13,22,26,5,11,0,0,0,1,18,7,0,8,4,98,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417840780467372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884825740241978,0.13700065699411984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274066035407575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275243113990372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555161920812515,0.0,0.0,0.16455239290538196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497392142040571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571220043471905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212377404548548,0.09333825314107012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5047094251966733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425289110376357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703907884598565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976752512162176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473818387779749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766053480839934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791908464050238,0.0,0.34884653599871035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853359217737777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811561429103476,0.11408082254213466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21615438391473474,0.0,0.0,0.2663677718436069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313854194899453,0.0,0.0,0.10501362164318087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679979087726143,0.0,0.0,0.10372358102604898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601397829405135,0.1571590071260681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416871859990797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281186797510836,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdandthemachine,2020/03/22,"Can I catch a fuckjng break for once? I’m 21F and was recently diagnosed with BPD a few months ago after struggling with its symptoms along with depression for most of my life. I’m still learning about managing it and I can’t really afford therapy due to my lack of hours at the moment. I’ve had a pretty rough upbringing, I grew up seeing and receiving constant abuse in all forms, was homeless as a child, then again as a teen. I am grateful for how far I’ve come I guess but with this virus going around and everything it has ruined so many things for me and my partner 24M. We were recently supposed to move for my partner’s new job next month and honestly I hadn’t felt that much excitement for anything ever really, the job would pay well and be able to let us live in a nice place and possibly get a dog (my dad literally abandoned my last dog without letting me know 🙃). The job got back to my partner and told him that they were going to have to hold off on hiring for now (they didn’t say bc of the virus but that goes without saying) and my partner is disappointed but seems to still have some optimism there while I can’t even get myself out of the bed. I’ve been secretly crying behind their back bc I don’t want them to feel worse but it really fucking hurts. Like my body hurts and I just want to scream & punch my head into a wall? I know when I was diagnosed with BPD my psych talked about struggling with rejection but I never felt this terrible after being rejected. Idk why I’m posting this really but I just don’t want to bring my partner down and I really can’t hold it together or know how to?",3.834683383991898,5.024100759878422,4.891812310030397,84.40675595238095,71.79635258358662,8.644427558257346,26.47429078014185,9.075114841892004,1.9780059777102328,1286,42,264,26,24,422,186,329,0.17800000000000002,0.733,0.08900000000000001,-0.9885,4,1,0,0,1,0,21.0,2,0,4,0,19,18,1,2,13,0,25,7,2,2,3,60,49,27,0,5,11,1,4,1,5,1,4,3,1,6,12,24,0,3,9,0,1,8,10,13,1,0,13,8,36,5,48,31,7,48,0,8,1,1,20,13,1,5,26,179,48,8,0.09378836165544767,0.11112387217531416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313772374162727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161965066931396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717983035611957,0.08349152616071581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423492180594116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041777267265508,0.2362463165755813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079036897708561,0.0,0.1013519000236453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302211131632613,0.0,0.0,0.08077977846440451,0.19038642570155226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194632833431795,0.08483694260239093,0.0,0.0,0.08429093194744608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04742221367795351,0.0,0.18010307033677733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670582906493587,0.0980010959861945,0.0,0.10660417456486686,0.0,0.07501112054575179,0.0,0.10331845415686368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625391700148199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923626440038434,0.0,0.20080476185838173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27921143148426353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463089236483812,0.07645003251506982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918099082972166,0.06624549348861643,0.045820256071716366,0.0,0.0828168416242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508667805317833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14972195096042956,0.09968218573803476,0.06894523724395611,0.0,0.07233536637777556,0.09058138411910456,0.09974498662633334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988154424205642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798887609472508,0.0,0.0,0.10573228580623018,0.08982332496819424,0.0954164813282411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30041613032366904,0.0,0.18520938484499605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916853915521713,0.0,0.0,0.07473718141927399,0.08538140200660092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497990135388124,0.0,0.0,0.19609591847756666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974820186823098,0.0,0.07538353245865137,0.0,0.0,0.1072551652897717,0.0,0.062308820042729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961879877372067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281585121511405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595641703113034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432700065767597,0.0,0.08462940854757213,0.0,0.0,0.1808172675807221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557835309079957,0.06662456120047515,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,xJamieLeeeee,2020/03/22,"I don’t know what will happen. TW !!!! - suicidal ideation Today, my parents have officially banned me from leaving the house AT ALL. i do understand there is a pandemic going on & that i could possibly catch the virus & bring it home to them or possibly to others as well. Like i really do understand that. i don’t go out to crowded places or anything like that, sometimes i just go visit my best friend or my boyfriend and we just drive around and talk or park somewhere and talk. But after today, i’m not allowed out. & i don’t know what’s going to happen to me honestly. my parents are my biggest trigger.. the last time i attempted, it stemmed from them. i get so extremely depressed being home with them. it’s why i usually worked or went out with friends (before this pandemic obviously) because i couldn’t stand being home. i get bored very easily. especially with having ADHD, it’s even harder & i haven’t been prescribed my meds for it yet since i need to take a drug test but haven’t been able to. i try finding hobbies to keep me occupied to stay away from my family and in my room, but i can’t ever stick to them. i’ll find joy for a few hours before getting bored once again. it’s so hard to keep myself distracted from my emotions. i always end up reverting back to being depressed & upset. i honestly don’t know what will happen.. i just want to take trazadon every chance i get so i can sleep for the next few months (since they are saying it will probably last until July or August). i’m so upset and depressed right now & all i can think about is how bad this will end. i feel like just a week into this ban, i’ll end up attempting to overdose again or something. i’m already having thoughts fill my head. sighs. i’m sorry for seeming so selfish since i can’t handle this ban. thanks for those who actually read all of this..",2.9841615853658534,4.913747086720871,4.160846036585365,85.76980564024392,75.42276422764228,7.214126016260162,25.352388211382113,8.07648339933343,1.5431063008130086,1461,51,289,24,32,477,187,369,0.152,0.7559999999999999,0.09300000000000001,-0.9833,3,0,2,0,0,0,56.0,1,0,5,4,21,22,0,3,8,0,30,3,2,3,5,57,63,23,1,4,15,2,2,3,2,4,1,1,4,0,21,14,0,5,11,1,0,10,10,10,2,0,4,3,44,11,42,50,6,49,0,3,0,0,16,15,0,8,25,186,65,3,0.07500846995240068,0.0,0.07319744657167122,0.0,0.09014560452797188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277371179623713,0.0,0.06241305580364369,0.4876298751313105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061725579634987836,0.06677344097675009,0.0,0.0,0.0704729266481223,0.05767688339686114,0.06262893930437156,0.04572446707953602,0.0,0.12765336658926932,0.0,0.07871676156020009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988815976224219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19381405577704505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698601153165471,0.0,0.0,0.08437443283240531,0.19930572205326824,0.0,0.0,0.04954238698183234,0.06784945538789415,0.06319787102367942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071130988825103,0.0,0.037926536160283686,0.05358606592139601,0.0,0.0,0.13711276528697144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590271563734025,0.0,0.1567553187588031,0.0,0.17051616817927076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19898922677889533,0.0,0.06719285591237227,0.0,0.07698033011526828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22571883353721875,0.0,0.07386823359744825,0.08654970349511867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333419490494132,0.0,0.0,0.12366808033464735,0.1222838285166609,0.0,0.0794231393115213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993604878373553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331750066799473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05987104509346055,0.0,0.0,0.055617830040833406,0.0,0.0,0.07977235874691663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988157248767229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657605845638382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836788636123676,0.0,0.0,0.16912155928324815,0.0,0.0,0.08087181711947396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502876830963433,0.0,0.04805234655315155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640568235000333,0.0,0.059649745925685976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828489392355191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18614334438230076,0.0,0.0750626401723424,0.0,0.0,0.05774518475163967,0.07418529474453467,0.0839658410778284,0.0,0.07994904877476426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820470917606176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279406896988307,0.12057793375479307,0.0,0.0690577214264097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048062398836227316,0.0,0.05954834661480785,0.04373804203138159,0.0,0.14219851800938213,0.0,0.0,0.05092582741239962,0.0,0.0,0.1561729250724394,0.0,0.0,0.08261123253575466,0.06188984323319091,0.04424193898037016,0.0,0.060167270154655186,0.0,0.06744162264231171,0.0695336031235789,0.06768347731086831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05460705947191321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Riji14,2020/03/22,"What is splitting? Hey there, new to the sub but not new to having an SO with BPD. I keep seeing the word ""splitting"" but I haven't been able to get a good grasp of the way you guys are using it. If there are any other BPD related lingo you use here and can teach me that would be awesome too. Thanks!",0.9034895833333324,2.6479757031250024,2.213750000000001,98.18958333333336,81.03125,4.891666666666667,16.916666666666664,5.46131890053228,-0.7887208333333335,231,4,55,1,6,74,52,64,0.0,0.807,0.193,0.9397,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,0,9,0,0,2,0,12,15,5,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,5,2,5,12,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,2,38,9,1,0.2242435781841509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15249332280517414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5648538734086831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171580142888454,0.0,0.0,0.1880848742163604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22203639792744906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993179956601165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4331516903208681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786930988988288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064533587170816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873489059944997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779941146831754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929620407945042,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lihpkraft,2020/03/22,"A Question I have an odd bpd I think. my anger and anxiety attack me. I used to have an outward and angry temper, but now it's all inward. l have been labeled with BPD, I do have the five traits. I don't split, or disassociate however. Is this quiet BPD?",-0.3150404312668478,1.924856094339624,2.7251212938005414,89.01037735849056,91.83018867924528,5.292722371967655,18.892183288409704,6.868970318607317,0.3632070080862535,195,6,42,3,7,69,41,53,0.23199999999999998,0.768,0.0,-0.8151,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,1,9,10,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,7,0,2,9,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17753633342021155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26401821162401456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.876869007924635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25997651779908504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14870394885402388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20043782820643652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tonironi02,2020/03/22,"Do I leave or be patient? I (39F) have been seeing my boyfriend (M45) for almost 5 months. I have loved him from the start, but didn't want to scare him away by saying it early, so I have been waiting for him to say it. I thought he felt the same as he is always affectionate (minus the sex we haven't had for 2+ months), says nice things to me, texts me everyday. He is aware of my mental health issues, but I don't think he knows the extent of BPD. Last night I finally got the courage to say it to him. His response: ""aw, thank you. You're sweet."" ......I was/am mortified. I thought 5 months was a good amount of time to realize how you feel about someone. Do I be patient and wait to see if his feelings come around? Or am I wasting my time with someone who just wants a companion to hang out with? My anxiety is through the roof!",2.009496284062756,3.3529741156069406,3.2119446738232864,94.04394508670522,76.6300578034682,6.561354252683734,23.917836498761353,7.1686216300943375,0.6571258464079284,634,20,149,7,14,205,107,173,0.046,0.809,0.145,0.9662,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,1,2,0,0,5,8,0,1,8,1,18,3,0,1,0,28,36,9,0,3,6,0,3,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,5,7,0,2,8,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,9,10,26,7,24,25,3,16,0,0,2,2,20,3,0,4,11,91,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452476671991744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069408775096307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109636510366488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912618106756973,0.0,0.0,0.13628022988804042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826867111757164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494863003186342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668433149053142,0.0,0.13927174852670446,0.15889632780210544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166193314788365,0.11601056992331547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418247604405266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139560367142288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971625993799253,0.1182359599243654,0.0,0.1535881110465046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309142296715865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617733519038567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34733507647754697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612057802932215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4614016459458212,0.1452213986164294,0.0,0.2311738032395848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458025564138195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026678749605868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354351236931528,0.0,0.0,0.09636546783749753,0.0929428515871955,0.0,0.23030865190653899,0.1691608595355043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110972686127685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LovesHashem,2020/03/22,"Any support groups for children of a parent with BPD out there? Hi, Looking for a support group on whatsapp or telegram or something for children of BPD parents. All leads welcome!",5.245520833333334,8.06846334375,4.42625,82.32708333333336,71.8125,4.266666666666667,41.91666666666666,3.1291,2.815654166666667,145,10,21,0,3,43,24,32,0.0,0.7559999999999999,0.244,0.8268,2,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,3,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,8,3,1,3,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,2,0,14,0,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945478614284178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5906399829808243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19690457132416853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5207257105505534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18051455076627293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5321714035961248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,honeyandcherries,2020/03/22,"DAE ~ Vyvanse causing OCD tendencies during quarantine Since starting Vyvanse, I’ve developed OCD tendencies/thinking which is annoying considering my state just issued a lockdown. Because of everything, I haven’t been at school, work, or seen my friends in a week but I really don’t care considering the germs. However, my brother and parents are still leaving for food and other things and I can’t handle the constant thoughts and paranoia that they are bringing the virus into the house. I am disinfecting constantly but I still feel like everything is contaminated. Is anyone else experiencing this or have any suggestions?",7.386813417190776,10.309739358490573,7.25993710691824,63.98998951781971,65.79245283018868,10.748846960167718,40.079664570230605,10.746095033038511,5.495470859538785,516,30,71,16,9,164,78,106,0.042,0.86,0.098,0.7696,2,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,3,4,1,0,6,0,11,1,0,1,0,13,17,8,0,0,5,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,3,9,3,5,14,0,11,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,2,7,47,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686489059844755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044471782660352,0.1911492909246792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372317655526396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19020689499191265,0.1916450255869383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032028351519536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558441073906545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353300996910926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432862629941692,0.13327607788365656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255849906599742,0.0,0.14413317240780785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152612778244108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947166296083659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197536511005939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114213522980026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20714903546895025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951294000765934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18880524686926334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543215537898147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204572719803545,0.0,0.2979686959382306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393992066424014,0.11953794144859516,0.0,0.14810510801296292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964445785106675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581543235235452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ravelrain,2020/03/22,"First time going to a psychologist. What should I tell? TW: assault *Sorry if I did something wrong in writing this post :( new to this subreddit and new to reddit in general I’ve decided for a long time I want to go to my school’s guidance counselor. I can’t go to a psychologist/psychiatrist in an actual hospital right now so I hope the school’s counselors (who are psychologists) will suffice? Anyway, the main reason i wanted to go in the first place was actually because I was trying to figure out my behaviors and feelings. I was r*ped when I was very young and the assault went on for years. I’m pretty sure I do not have PTSD, but my emotions are so irrational and weird that I just want to figure it out. While talking to a friend few days ago about my tendencies to have dreams so closely related to reality that sometimes I confuse reality with dreams, she decided to search it up as a joke and BPD came up. She told me that I have BPD-like tendencies, and so I went to this subreddit and I felt like I feel the same way and have similar symptoms(?) and I don’t know.. I’m kinda glad because I was desperate, but at the same time I’m so scared, like I don’t want to be diagnosed, I don’t want my family to know. My main question though is, if I go to the counselor, should I tell her what I feel I have (I feel like I have BPD-like tendencies)? Because I really want to share to her some of the posts in this subreddit that I can’t word properly myself, and it would be a huge help Sorry for writing a long post, I’m kind of scared in general writing about myself here :( Have a good day❤️",3.1787116564417164,4.5117464662576685,4.879035582822088,83.30798895705522,73.60122699386503,8.65158282208589,27.45717791411043,9.174902378510234,2.209122355828221,1252,47,262,28,25,425,149,326,0.10800000000000001,0.728,0.16399999999999998,0.9417,0,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,0,2,13,18,2,3,17,0,28,2,0,1,1,56,55,23,0,12,6,0,5,3,1,4,2,0,0,0,14,15,0,0,13,3,0,8,6,7,0,2,11,5,41,11,40,38,6,44,0,0,0,0,16,16,0,7,19,175,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.1759302317507754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990501449699093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648482932141674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34059024894941825,0.0,0.0,0.10309787954416584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626764031051365,0.0,0.0,0.09149174057850533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139707201063902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497739824749236,0.0,0.18231303436656288,0.06439711655059366,0.08654999077757458,0.0,0.0,0.15334865375251347,0.0,0.0,0.06964311112497573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561475023215107,0.07560642630915339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041995761257904,0.0,0.0,0.08953086391180944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386851684818387,0.0990788388232674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22019295579012374,0.0,0.0,0.1595448089275383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411847439288292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417869785833996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589919627601415,0.09170632753284634,0.0,0.0,0.1053706076070462,0.0,0.10097912700525452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774696291479878,0.09268049078973772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698036155226276,0.0,0.0,0.18049476428521236,0.1824560518447631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939534240378188,0.08915226355694159,0.2018120927962563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495731140130328,0.09369154897977773,0.0,0.07245233550851872,0.15757531506301395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856358112135866,0.0,0.15768672743327974,0.0,0.0,0.0861340808111581,0.0,0.0612001718529271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437619051624411,0.3190068073057296,0.0715501391131319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712417556833326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403394619179435,0.09855559634241047,0.0,0.0580481804557759 bpd,KGray9498,2020/03/22,"Help So over my partner and her playing the victim all the time she can never admit when she is in the wrong, she always has to argue that she is right, there isnt a single conversation anymore that goes nicely anymore - I’m so over it, i just want it to stop. I don’t know what to do anymore?",2.090645161290322,3.4358029032258086,3.9008387096774193,89.18125806451616,76.41935483870971,5.605161290322582,22.07741935483871,5.6839178017228535,0.1811832258064517,228,6,49,1,5,77,44,62,0.17,0.701,0.13,-0.4003,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,2,8,11,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,8,2,6,11,2,8,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,4,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22079658219618484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7894824459870844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17786183490309707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458321452836115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046581022217347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22661168425478545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22184862669417627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473060993623616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651322933666725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901239904508077,0.0,0.0 bpd,Greeneyedgirl17,2020/03/22,"Guys, we got this. *could be triggering for ppl not in recovery or dbt* I feel like people with BPD are always walking around with this haphazard and chaotic energy we are now seeing in the general public. We are always overwhelmed. We are always barreling head first between elated and despondent. Mood swings and intense emotions are the norm. Looking around at how “normal” ppl are dealing with corona has me so very thankful for my recovery and DBT. I have already been sober three years, instituted a strict exercise regime, started meditating, tracking my feelings in a diary card, and developed and practiced ways to self soothe. I am a master of distraction. I have TIP skills for crisis. I can opposite action all day. I can radically accept quarantine, and make the best of it. I know how to validate and feel my feelings in productive ways. I feel like an athlete that has been training for this physiological olympics since I was 14. All the things I’ve had to over come. All the behaviors I have had to change. All the things I have done even though every fiber in my being was screaming FUCK NO. All the time I have put into bettering myself. All the mental energy I expend keeping my mood in check. I am by far the most mentally resilient person I know. People are leaning on me because I am the most stable. I am just so thankful that I have a wealth of knowledge and experience to draw from in this strange and confusing times",4.697683883622098,7.03920110902256,5.333968617195165,77.41961261850281,71.74436090225564,8.38548545276234,29.986270022883296,9.085049710711278,2.881636678653154,1149,49,194,25,23,370,154,266,0.09300000000000001,0.7609999999999999,0.146,0.9227,0,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,4,0,0,5,10,15,1,3,15,0,31,3,1,4,6,50,48,16,0,2,3,0,5,2,0,0,1,1,0,3,9,21,0,1,9,1,2,4,2,5,0,2,8,8,30,8,31,37,9,27,0,1,2,1,9,14,1,4,9,148,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973730808217205,0.0,0.3160942846922093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254517935946671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719134257160036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288842704609266,0.11199230494038093,0.0,0.0,0.1594837172444666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339557883311422,0.10907893548380876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011022708728064,0.0,0.0,0.08166467858002507,0.1305480584549086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958455786226825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243962073350366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363669627198245,0.0,0.10668967455649037,0.0,0.0,0.1238666249685352,0.0,0.0,0.32013497721145595,0.18092634581865147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077098364251067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706568065466788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127609617551,0.0,0.0,0.12538177313487395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995701016845734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125529145078292,0.0,0.0,0.1391830350211826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372823194596187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633575065041316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452527083717408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25522277611784994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240686975234872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17557602513641185,0.11056681294077314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729626180695985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009062378782662,0.0,0.1321007730044275,0.0,0.0,0.10474811103242833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896280535947432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331643678894127,0.0,0.0,0.1682522272782486,0.0,0.12441151066377533,0.0,0.14767578067045198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448148214403112,0.0,0.20102305671379914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154437445218482 bpd,AlphaOmega1310,2020/03/22,"A BPD friend said I'm her FP but has been acting weird lately. A great friend of mine recently told me I'm her Favourite person and she told me what it meant and stuff but she's been acting weird lately. For one she is a lot angrier with me for the smallest things,be they a change in time or a small response (she sent a cute pic of something she found on Pinterest and I responded with ""aw cute""),when she gets angry now she just texts ""I'm tired,gn"" but she slept the entire day... She then texts the next morning saying ""wake up I miss you"" I love the girl with all my heart and I don't know how to prove it other than being there for her because I know how bad abandonment can feel especially for anyone with bpd,but it's not even that tbh...I genuinely love this girl and want her to be my friend for the rest of my life and hers. I just don't get why she's being so cold and distant since telling me I'm her FP. Thank you for any help I get and all your replies.",1.9369303255282693,3.3645525388349533,2.8261736150770997,96.38316105082814,77.00970873786409,6.2062821245002855,20.37007424328955,6.794906146795322,0.005779326099371485,757,17,181,7,17,239,118,206,0.107,0.7170000000000001,0.177,0.9581,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,3,1,0,8,13,0,0,11,1,10,6,3,2,3,32,32,16,0,1,7,0,1,0,3,0,1,2,0,3,8,12,0,1,6,0,0,3,3,5,0,1,9,4,35,8,19,20,4,15,0,2,0,2,36,4,0,2,8,110,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847473017102333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125345420324863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090902978423332,0.0882739036201739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647624154733817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531881679287976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338948806932452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564463345063012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321951706591427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877502088675072,0.3356360107496789,0.0,0.2269693577181759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596518573006272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715987426740926,0.09706206981649396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916590396943575,0.0,0.3267005393259422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228250992181398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231109888912273,0.2613906086957487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400545828845366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812597180438627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644117674297958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429809013821947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377460225978874,0.11515751323361945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978706872593975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148064042886817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577106123696753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265689917400576,0.13332019014721266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443898755774129,0.0,0.0,0.27674141113702444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541179169413822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066712712966286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,color_of_realism,2020/03/22,"This quarantine will slowly kill me I'm basically all alone for 6 days already. I can't handle being alone with my thoughts. My room looks like it's a part of shadow realm. My limbs are full of red and brown cuts. Every day I slide that razor across my body more and more, I can feel my own weakness. I can feel myself getting consumed by the loneliness. I can feel myself getting weaker to get up from bed, to eat, to function normally. I don't want to be alone, and yet it's happening. I am going insane, dissociating. I don't want to be alone, and yet it's happening. I am in pain. I miss my friends. I miss my therapist. I miss school. I miss being social. Despite always being anxious in these situations they were my distraction from self harm and suicidal thoughts. I'm trying so hard to cope with art, writing, gaming, binging my favorite anime etc. But I feel like these things are helping me less and less. I don't know where to vent this out anymore, my family members don't understand me and for the most part ignore me. I feel so alone and abandoned...",2.52542857142857,4.732768066666669,3.901190476190479,85.79464285714288,77.85714285714286,6.6761904761904765,24.785714285714285,7.734863291789972,1.3931714285714292,834,30,163,13,20,274,119,210,0.248,0.684,0.067,-0.9866,0,8,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,1,0,5,15,2,1,3,0,19,4,1,0,1,29,43,11,2,3,1,0,6,2,1,1,2,0,2,1,9,11,1,2,9,2,0,2,5,12,0,0,3,9,33,3,21,34,11,14,0,5,3,0,7,8,0,1,6,110,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5969306855708335,0.12720456942158392,0.0,0.09591482268345856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022357760836786,0.114317996630449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804025055496665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868069835173064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795115372234675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855779168320886,0.0,0.0,0.09712090707877848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866737195153864,0.0,0.29142275954697106,0.08234972546969511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890581968447522,0.0,0.18067323907446625,0.0,0.06551124530351364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20386777687948654,0.0,0.10326029990754143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726381535076092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275304376029378,0.0,0.06335000395974269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126313128969452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679872584673356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294124284898426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265662021157908,0.0,0.0,0.2496548231237947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666054774281805,0.0,0.0,0.12025293875280013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956959106516167,0.0,0.11750441082362388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608791792972368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383867809717204,0.07658102341776347,0.0,0.0,0.18302481854506414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826153748401407,0.0,0.0,0.12000132202632505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597980992389938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ddogvtae48,2020/03/22,"Venting about Coronavirus for a minute. No weed, no work, and I am rapidly losing sleep and my appetite, forced myself to eat a quesadilla bad idea. Shit is wild right now but atleast I have animal crossing and anime. How are y'all holding up? What are you using to escape right now?",2.520555555555553,5.1933273518518535,3.216296296296296,88.03333333333335,81.03703703703705,5.822222222222222,23.814814814814817,7.1686216300943375,1.1435037037037032,223,8,41,3,6,70,45,54,0.213,0.7509999999999999,0.037000000000000005,-0.782,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,2,4,3,1,0,2,0,5,3,2,2,0,8,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,5,6,0,6,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,28,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574477784229038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31550482380870404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480739452054741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449492455131619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5266347182654753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31650259311289924,0.0,0.0,0.3085587935796077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663034066260414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244723653857275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fakeular,2020/03/22,"DAE get super attracted to strange guys? I’m obsessing over this fucking strange guy, I don’t know if it’s my BPD but I can’t take it anymore, he’s sooooo kind to me and has just an odd character. I don’t want to scare him away 😭.",-0.7928205128205157,1.138609461538465,1.6323076923076951,98.7960256410257,89.0,5.7743589743589725,22.128205128205128,7.1686216300943375,0.5436820512820515,180,7,46,3,6,61,41,52,0.209,0.606,0.185,-0.09,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,6,1,2,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,10,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,6,3,5,10,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,1,0,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886579243789373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734648227638403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665857412628299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690845815529052,0.15206926794634384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5763995351956905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303099045872664,0.15996152129511795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29140649430063786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188443956192878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167747356946078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,iamadisaster-,2020/03/22,"I’m so embarrassed thinking about this. I called him dozens of times. My Ex-FP/ex best friend was someone I was so attached to. He was attached to me as well and asked me out, but I wasn’t ready to date. He knows everything about me and how crazy I am. He really wanted to be in a relationship though because he missed being in one so he started dating another girl and I lost my shit. We honestly haven’t been friends since then, but he did message me once to apologize. Recently I got really angry and called him 50 times in a row. He picked up every time and didn’t say anything. He would just mute and listen to what I had to say. I’m pretty sure he was at work. I was scared he would call the police on me but I think he just feels pity or he forgives me for acting crazy... but 50 times is just crazy. I’m so embarrassed thinking about it. I can’t keep acting like this 🤧",1.1644263285024152,3.1305394402173903,2.8260144927536253,93.00835748792272,81.22826086956522,6.262801932367151,20.54830917874396,7.3871296695380915,0.4882316425120768,683,19,154,10,18,225,104,184,0.163,0.677,0.16,-0.3971,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,3,13,15,1,3,3,0,18,1,1,2,1,29,34,19,0,3,8,0,1,1,2,2,0,3,0,1,4,8,0,1,6,0,0,2,4,7,1,2,12,4,21,8,20,18,1,18,0,3,0,0,29,7,1,1,10,91,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507070525802822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827253297888785,0.0,0.13436245582027415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761276236831178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15082937791227838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4402745483874256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109359408278154,0.0,0.12916978415961292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267112800427278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220814747892595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494914134424915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774841613213966,0.0,0.0,0.07898690297879134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021624331561473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689162713997012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530612749580136,0.0973910419420106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621888753256418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18414643575737666,0.0,0.14191002348674162,0.15430569362898516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285900459387193,0.14389270811102672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753052964356206,0.11888990467941556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177680369412333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172852420395136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13545808555474967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762774372480759,0.14120801318564305,0.0,0.3352262740457993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477208667862847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922505686104913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463271921404642,0.0,0.0,0.20419468598021698,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,vllgerwn,2020/03/22,"Nothing Important I used to think I didn't deserve to be treated the way people treated me. Like, getting bullied growing up, being yelled at or hit at home, touched by people that couldn't find the innocence in my adolescent body, or the way people would lead me on just to drop me when something better came along. Believe me when I say I stopped being a victim a long time ago. I'm not one of those people that stayed soft after being repeatedly hurt. I'm just angry, bitter, and hurt. And it shows. That's all besides the point. I don't have words. I don't really want to get into detail of the way my bpd brain has ruined relationships for me; or gotten me into incredibly unhealthy ones that ultimately left me discarded. I'm exhausted, fam. I just keep thinking about killing myself. Like, I'm always here and I'm always in this place. The only difference is that I decided I wouldn't ever attempt suicide again. I'm not fucking ending up in the hospital again, I'm not going to inpatient again, I'm not ""attempting"" anything. I'm going to do it. I'm going to make sure whatever I do leaves me dead.. All I can think about is how much better off people are without me. How far they go to make sure they don't ever have to deal with me again. I'm the actual, literal definition of a burden and even when I'm trying to be good I'm not good. Whatever. It's 5am and nobody gives anymore of a shit about this post than they do about me. I might as well not exist.",2.8108080808080835,4.5549739595959595,4.657341414141417,82.83134545454548,75.39730639730641,7.445602693602692,25.011313131313127,8.238735603445708,1.6292147878787877,1154,39,226,20,25,393,155,297,0.16399999999999998,0.743,0.092,-0.9695,0,0,1,0,0,2,37.0,0,0,3,5,21,21,5,0,12,0,23,5,3,6,6,48,55,14,3,4,13,0,2,2,0,3,1,2,1,0,11,10,0,2,5,1,0,7,13,10,1,2,3,5,29,11,37,42,3,44,0,3,0,1,7,15,2,4,18,148,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.1019909389522605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926456740770612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17392863993037275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036501612431588,0.0,0.0,0.08600641305405038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177518936807228,0.0,0.1848689162467616,0.0,0.11609189284989505,0.1316321776825876,0.1166725906997262,0.0,0.1195365848615746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774971591809683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919526142022493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256870142716224,0.0,0.0,0.06903074906125051,0.1890784443043404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552423157457036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662184166956356,0.10920887882555408,0.10025969753412443,0.23759167721946284,0.1753233729838808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483642462914178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223769567928868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289716528539027,0.11562965421521655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106656165251162,0.11355515791142337,0.0,0.0,0.10212087411342513,0.0,0.0,0.09249191969763268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952829369349012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087321965996697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683008015374602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002843471583212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164327033604845,0.07948788035400732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622854880873504,0.0,0.10919526142022493,0.0,0.09879985219746608,0.0,0.1000958664129814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695457523940576,0.0,0.0,0.11220930919958592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311401394675161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072824885966718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046026041393123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139840164908237,0.0,0.08737868477749877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432174643925708,0.0,0.1970070947886492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20090574529010932,0.0,0.0,0.060943163780257985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095838991631667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026685027639593,0.0,0.0,0.061645277383526965,0.2488759026015784,0.0,0.0,0.09397096128235004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074811340667368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742440026586374,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tedshmosbey,2020/03/22,"How do you know if your partner isn’t right for you, or if your BPD is flaring up? So I have a partner of nearly 2 years. He’s great, sweet, funny, talented, smart. But he has a killer defensive mechanism that can twist words and will rarely take accountability, he’ll make promises he can’t stick to, and will argue with me til I cry and wail with emotion and then apologise and promise to do it again. And within 72 hours it’s happened. I can’t leave - really, I can’t. I have a physical disability, we have kittens, my parents live close but there’s no space for me plus mums an alcoholic. I’m actually going to be relocating with my parents within 12 months to an accessible annexx attached to the house so I have independence and care, which is the lesser of many evils. The question is, I don’t know whether to bring him or not. Because I’m not sure if my BPD is painting him to be a villain or he’s taking advantage of my emotional disregulation... Any comments, ideas, thoughts, tools, techniques, memes, jokes, whatever totally appreciated!!",5.127526652452026,6.3306131990049765,6.21227078891258,76.09533582089554,68.75124378109453,9.52395167022033,32.76510305614784,9.784248007369934,3.204220753375978,827,37,156,19,14,276,125,201,0.107,0.7340000000000001,0.159,0.777,2,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,1,4,0,1,5,14,4,0,9,0,21,1,0,3,2,36,34,22,0,3,11,3,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,4,13,1,1,5,1,1,2,8,4,0,0,1,1,20,10,21,28,1,15,0,0,0,0,20,7,0,7,6,101,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.15582818247386973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706532312630154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859034016719972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734165511653188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40223186910665226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628080971172286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17540496289948335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592451685500682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075188348191653,0.0,0.0,0.1760517592938958,0.0,0.0,0.14120770142108874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157256203913819,0.18425346266814105,0.0,0.18026337484208566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551588742658716,0.0,0.0,0.1690819014180366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100356561264873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659005904492154,0.16189413149320464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274579452794161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546195345421422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17888220429696006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229741852607308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363689424778763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049992592843056,0.0,0.24012442488959196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267709606949703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283101848183518 bpd,poopystinky7,2020/03/22,"im an emotion sponge does anyone else feel like you just soak in everyone elses emotions like a sponge? like, HYPER empathetic and attuned to everyone around you. i can feel in my gut when someone is upset or angry you’re just hyper aware of EVERYTHING. today, one of my friends was mad, not even at me, but the anxiety i had about them being angry, i felt was directed at me somehow. it sent me into a quiet panic, & my brain screaming “they hate you so much they’re going to stop being your friend” & i couldn’t handle it. im such a people pleaser, but today was in a situation where i couldn’t please everyone, & it was destroying me. knowing i could lose friends if i don’t do what they want im hanging out w/ pals & i walked into the room we’re chilling in, & it was dead silent. im laughing & making jokes to everyone, trying to keep the energy upbeat but inside im FREAKING OUT since no one is responding. & my idiot brain says “oh my god this means they’re PISSED AT YOU” & i had to ask if they were angry. its almost like the less people express & tell me, the more i pick up on emotions + realize they’re happy/sad/angry. it scares me the most when people are silent. am i just a freak????!?!?!?!?",1.9907543216343624,3.9466285783132515,3.7494429893487013,87.46338920900997,78.47791164658634,6.418788196263312,22.071066876200447,7.423996415210882,0.8561257551946913,952,28,194,13,23,319,137,249,0.244,0.618,0.138,-0.9902,0,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,0,5,4,1,12,21,5,3,12,0,20,4,4,2,0,33,32,10,1,6,10,0,3,4,4,0,0,3,1,0,8,6,0,2,6,1,0,4,5,12,0,2,10,6,31,9,22,17,4,25,0,1,0,0,19,16,1,6,9,118,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704822967072111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6863774321820236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538457734082284,0.0,0.0,0.049216145691685385,0.07211968033475044,0.0,0.06265924941977481,0.06580223477152815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15715008120095708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05619819923823094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06159603629486238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175984190440688,0.2375273111957141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046489872879645705,0.0,0.0,0.2690307351313138,0.06325919253833659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117944662228151,0.05028440381202394,0.0675824465334137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314219533956692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04000248809915837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949247545750911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801495644772386,0.0,0.0,0.06256309635529536,0.0,0.0,0.03868279053070183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754990407764334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874491864405993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04698379146348728,0.0,0.0,0.07667195102131026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05174245837186834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539194810616032,0.0,0.0,0.0825838423744809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639220796266014,0.0,0.0,0.07726366156849032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05597447507737629,0.07046954972077879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05822475759258226,0.07911780642519634,0.0,0.0,0.059638578183816425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05884658652758016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152123882138669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343707133760885,0.0,0.0,0.047788073747060934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04151600769459695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,xxxinkbotxxx,2020/03/22,"Partner said things I wish I never heard. I suffer from BPD, and it has been a rough ride for my SO and myself. He’s studying for his exams and I’m always a mess. I apparently say things to him that hurt him so much but he chooses to ignore. We’ve been together a little over a year, but we’ve been best friends for over 6. I finished a bachelors and I’ve never felt like I earned it, 1. Because I cheated my way during the final semester 2. I earned pity marks due to my mental condition. My family forced me into doing the degree because I was a mess. It just fucked me up more. But I did complete with a second class. I’m a very insecure person, about my bachelors, about not being good enough, about not being pretty enough. During the entirety of the past year with him, I have been happy, even if we have had rough patches, I always believed that I helped him, I knew I was horrible at decision making, but I always thought my heart was in the right place. I’ve always tried to keep him happy. I would Uber food with my last $3 when he studies. I thought I really helped. I have never trusted anyone the way I trust him, I always believed he was my comfort zone. I know he really did try to make my life better and that he really did love me. But, yesterday he lost his shit completely. He started saying things that hurt me so much. I felt weak to my knees. He said that I’ve always held him back, and that I’m useless. That I got a free degree, and that I got pity marks on my question papers because I look too easy, and the lectures could get into my pants. (I always performed exceptionally well in class, but due strong medication I was always forgetful, so my exams weren’t that great). He said I’m the poster child of everything he hated. He said that his ex was better than me. He said that I’m sick in my head and everything I touch gets ruined. That I’m the worst thing that ever happened to him and he regrets meeting such an insecure person as myself. He went on to say more and more thing that made me feel like I was dying inside. I could feel the life leave my body. I know I’ve been difficult, but I didn’t know that I was ruining his life. He calls me the best girlfriend in the world and then he says something like this. I’m in an internal conflict. He used to say that I helped him through his exams. That all the credits go to me, that I motivate him to better. And that I’m the best thing that ever happened to him. He used to make me feel good about myself. Said things to make me feel like I actually do make him happy. He said that I motivate him to do better in exams. He is the smartest person I know. With such great potential. I have a way of imagining us moving in together, so during our past time we look at apartments, or furniture. We make fake budgets to see if it will fit our hypothetical salaries. We live in the same country but not together. He said these things motivate him, that they make him wanna finish everything faster. He studies so hard so fast that he scores full marks in exams. It’s unreal how he does that and he says it’s all because of me. And then he goes onto say something like this.......... Idk who I am anymore, I feel suicidal, I don’t know if I ever helped him with his endeavours or if I held him back. I don’t even know if I want to be with him anymore. I feel dead inside. Numb. I know that I love him. He’s the only one I’ve loved so much that it hurt when I used to be happy. I feel like an empty shell. I don’t know what to do.",1.543694546624053,3.5251777572815577,3.3293228004583035,89.80429757382059,80.02635228848821,6.343371726064844,20.99019075760317,7.423996415210882,0.6508983135339408,2717,76,581,39,69,907,264,721,0.188,0.657,0.155,-0.9615,2,0,2,0,0,0,93.0,7,0,1,15,27,57,4,2,30,0,41,17,5,15,8,108,112,44,3,12,20,1,13,6,3,2,7,16,0,5,46,27,1,5,27,0,3,4,11,25,1,2,40,32,116,33,61,64,16,60,0,11,3,4,96,26,2,8,33,373,162,15,0.0,0.0,0.0459792966313648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136402747225107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345460603943903,0.03294523123287493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245997380196235,0.0,0.11488809698313825,0.0,0.0,0.10616922060076564,0.14833883553955585,0.16668427264911248,0.0,0.052336252932630126,0.05934208475846245,0.0,0.048111621761318515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880234411885658,0.0,0.0,0.07523801966830904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889990225851317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04123231574197872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736870340797976,0.0,0.06224053470589599,0.12785979764342936,0.0,0.0,0.1270368918466045,0.0,0.0444176189856676,0.0,0.16676603851535646,0.10098096596424,0.09047922371957996,0.051614259688388085,0.0,0.0,0.0569739411743591,0.0,0.03640239921109804,0.04355881380083288,0.049233269993222604,0.0,0.02677761945384816,0.07903883870125501,0.07536737652083826,0.10389309474754413,0.0,0.0,0.08333063618145145,0.2006272600540297,0.04220748671169091,0.04651818302137594,0.04835553149636996,0.0,0.0,0.05583375205472448,0.1263258566024604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131884429983058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04187966463245523,0.0,0.0,0.20715372337369148,0.03840656121167565,0.0,0.04988999279125087,0.0,0.0,0.09984017731450996,0.13811362101431174,0.04722351075059837,0.04160508494970888,0.0,0.07913265676243175,0.0,0.05143366099714093,0.0,0.1275745224695812,0.0445831489774972,0.2201562711881125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047465318691901695,0.04748275207762948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050077806932348784,0.10390902609262606,0.0,0.1090183712875227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03192763008911108,0.03583452478171673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995682277528927,0.0,0.1234219762061397,0.049227131029061566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04793482501153193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052781709976124025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055287579617206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04023757421766256,0.35855168411632243,0.2622847439701377,0.0,0.0,0.03754606817729792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048364819632127284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254578139222059,0.0,0.0,0.033349583550290635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05153824001372009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504189920941245,0.0,0.0,0.07481110943477179,0.027474242652260863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397856303634035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667582802514148,0.1220816180576622,0.0,0.038876376072780536,0.02779076772757889,0.1121976037054908,0.0,0.0,0.04236375062257339,0.043677837323685666,0.0,0.0,0.05418210844435902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03347049312821005,0.0,0.0,0.06068347620591024 bpd,OPUS-SABER,2020/03/22,BPD = NPD (theory) So if you can listen to the simple fact that everyone is born bi sexual and depending on how much homophobia was instilled into you as a child will depict how much self hatred you will have for yourself and it creates BPD whereas people who can accept them selves and love themselves are NPD thoughts?,4.823,7.016948633333339,5.413333333333334,77.62500000000001,71.0,8.133333333333335,27.0,8.841846274778883,2.3459,258,9,43,5,5,83,50,60,0.063,0.805,0.133,0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,1,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,8,2,0,3,1,11,11,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,2,5,7,2,3,0,0,0,2,9,2,0,2,1,31,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7143661635435522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709910503128737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559592194798401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41695587333153533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966118762059337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29585566490043885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251459712566536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,spacebunzzzzz,2020/03/22,"just lost my FP we have a very on and off relationship (because of me) but this time it’s really done. she’s my only friend in this stupid city and the only person who’s truly ever truly known me. i can see why she’s given up on me after 3 years but i feel like i just got shot. i could use some nice words. this really sucks. i feel very empty. i want to cry and scream",-1.3326053215077636,0.6662381341463472,1.5636141906873604,97.12961197339249,94.48780487804878,4.445232815964523,9.893569844789356,6.1124844417494595,-1.355917073170732,285,2,69,3,11,99,58,82,0.205,0.585,0.21,0.1377,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,1,3,7,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,1,17,13,5,0,2,4,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,4,4,14,3,8,8,1,9,0,1,1,0,7,5,1,1,5,42,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357249056525752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17776729511790193,0.0,0.24456972723574166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278474671375623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139897781820115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251562837519557,0.15906065627453014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201824482056796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807293072448038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087751686132997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24304793862946625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33866954873956634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19440872194666947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28526959935768026,0.0,0.0,0.2390419516897232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774226119085889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982855804118149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19229745033519324,0.0,0.3674178692587506,0.13132428604477156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20090630157102815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433788059684941 bpd,kiddiabolik,2020/03/22,"Loss of pleasure for the things that define me. It's hard to accept you're good at anything. But my photographs are the only thing I've thought 'yea, i am actually good. I love doing this and I'm good' in-between bouts of destroying all my work and hating myself and how useless and awful i am. I want to link to my website that contains what I've managed to salvage and recover. I've lost all pleasure and joy for the one thing i truly love. I've taken one photograph this year, and others I've shot over the last few years, I've not worked on. I just don't have the energy. Found my self sectioned by the police after being found in the park covered in blood from attempting suicide a few weeks ago. I need to turn this around and use it as an exercise in self promotion i guess. I no longer own a camera or anything other than my phone. [joe dahl - image maker|beat creator](https://joedahl.co.uk/) I'm not fishing, i just want to show others my work whilst in a fleeting mood of 'I'm ok i guess' Thanks for listening. JEDxxx",2.7091563467492255,4.876453563725491,3.694427244582045,87.69886996904025,77.08823529411767,6.451599587203303,23.97213622291021,7.475848149327749,1.1154941176470587,813,27,160,11,19,261,123,204,0.12300000000000001,0.69,0.187,0.9359,0,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,7,4,17,2,0,11,3,7,4,1,2,2,30,27,12,1,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,14,9,0,1,5,2,0,0,4,5,0,2,5,2,19,11,25,21,6,16,0,3,0,2,6,9,0,3,7,100,33,5,0.0,0.0,0.13470252741646846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235995256621708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271825582040797,0.12288066982030048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026971329813372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473323468543109,0.0,0.0,0.3041228597775238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365250346355748,0.1362812675026167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251718150596793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068182069298153,0.0,0.24916446994796845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235141561371534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18707256450232868,0.10498205519682907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880018155854225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150988198973643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708434582689304,0.0,0.0,0.2751135316831341,0.0,0.0,0.10958459848230442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014275346025516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921816780063073,0.0,0.0,0.16283357624028033,0.0,0.11072358035940244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014739968468344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17778039718374436 bpd,psychedelicpasta,2020/03/22,"Guy I have been seeing cancelled on me and... I didn't have a meltdown!! I didn't even cry! I had passing thoughts of him being with other women but I continually reminded myself that we are not exclusive and that is okay, and i know that he wants to see me again. I am trying my best to be vulnerable and transparent with him about my feelings, as i just got out of an abusive relationship a few months ago and could not do that with my partner. This guy I've been seeing has his shit together, seriously. Very level- headed, a masters degree in education, and has BOUNDARIES and communicates openly and clearly. And I haven't been obsessing over him or stalking him or attempting ownership over his existence. I feel good. I feel excited to see him again, and I'm trying not to think too much about a potential future.",5.206363636363637,6.46953402547771,6.4362362478286075,74.3392646207296,68.61783439490446,9.785524030110016,31.47017950202664,10.018931242160765,3.2561770700636945,650,27,118,16,11,219,97,157,0.109,0.747,0.14400000000000002,0.7719,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,3,7,7,1,1,5,1,18,2,2,0,1,32,31,14,0,2,7,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,6,16,0,0,6,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,8,7,25,4,17,20,3,14,0,0,4,0,14,7,1,2,6,95,31,0,0.0,0.20961679225688545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682555534750695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18566265901088666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125320661500054,0.0,0.1943341613545516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168514953928695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683624711316025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483889323894667,0.14149606348839952,0.0,0.0,0.350349746914322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815670830132689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722852826858684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412128396734355,0.0,0.1300537786306417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18994181223991136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5639172906686852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18160195843835272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336077081310543,0.0,0.14045171769105302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24022900186219456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597441043929993,0.10434977085040592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sleppydoe,2020/03/22,"Is it okay for me to seek comfort on here even though I’m undiagnosed? I’ve been trying really hard to figure out what’s going on in my head. The two I kept going back & forth from was this & bipolar disorder. My psychiatrist leans more towards the latter because it runs in my family. I’ve been trying to get tested for two years, going on three now. A couple nights ago I randomly came across a post that lead me to here. It described every single thing I feel & gave it a name. Like someone had finally put it into words for me. I want to make it clear that I am absolutely not self diagnosing. I won’t be attaching myself to this idea until it’s proven to be true. I’m really torn in two over this because at the same time, if this is how I really feel, how can it not be true? As soon as I’m able to go see my psychiatrist I’m going to show her the post & hopefully be able to get help.",2.8075037593984966,3.8054759157894793,4.9186466165413565,83.97052631578947,74.05263157894737,8.375939849624057,22.518796992481203,8.841846274778883,1.3299849624060158,704,17,154,14,14,245,110,190,0.036000000000000004,0.846,0.11800000000000001,0.9256,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,7,1,13,3,1,4,3,24,33,7,0,3,3,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,16,3,0,1,4,1,0,9,3,0,0,4,7,4,16,6,29,21,3,32,0,0,1,0,5,12,0,3,10,100,32,2,0.23275707187132616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316255022791736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5043843802554089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948791051621527,0.0,0.14188655063972586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310604151467004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287706364576805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812176422576184,0.0,0.0,0.133379884745781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686692539339242,0.0,0.09805393589089308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971132625568572,0.0,0.11768896910564255,0.0,0.0,0.12748699757962326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160596335890075,0.0,0.3307030195832521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425230912429204,0.0,0.11943795307842064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780060794834228,0.0,0.0,0.11559014541695248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137720142728312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05685667415125159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776835764311969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921337227738734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229169348554144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699257258265447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22366521048933488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273862556088204,0.0,0.12140819419647925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860715583566368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731672805087647,0.0,0.11434132067068782,0.0,0.06786126019547971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802677322516534,0.0,0.3410547574394467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864307575874813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494396152238612 bpd,lucjack,2020/03/22,"What should I do? Sorry if this isn't the right subreddit, but a friend told me I could be having bpd, I checked the symptoms, and i have most, and most precisely quiet bpd, what should I do? I want to see if I really have bpd. How does a person get diagnosed, I have been searching about that stuff but couldn't really find something. Should I go to therapy or to the doctor. I have been thinking about having an interview with a psychologist, but don't think is a great idea. Anyway, sorry for all that text, what should i do?",4.5062857142857125,5.242127438095238,5.319047619047621,83.64428571428573,69.85714285714286,9.047619047619053,25.47619047619048,9.23628265651192,1.8189047619047616,411,11,85,8,7,134,60,105,0.08,0.86,0.06,-0.2098,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,8,0,21,3,0,1,2,25,28,9,0,9,6,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,1,7,3,0,0,4,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,3,2,12,2,7,18,3,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,5,0,68,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6109247325418273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290954731085223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411088489797204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549549588129026,0.14149509334607785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778077481601887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492048486016773,0.0,0.08447580505806171,0.0,0.0918915587452806,0.0,0.0,0.17826264272067294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825271483453539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118055809693786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071641685729272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808148335824408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884516248783515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447605628302995,0.0,0.3619950929175593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18509516871493514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805673291721526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18490541035919225,0.0,0.0,0.20720750616234854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450072468195594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536833435162853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,evansokhowru,2020/03/22,"How do I go about asking for help? I've done a lot of research and I've been thinking for at least a year that I might have bpd, but I dont really know how to ask for help or where to even start. I'm only 15 and my parents dont really have a lot of extra money to pay for stuff like therapy, and they dont really understand mental illness so I cant just go up to them and say hey I think I have borderline personality disorder can we get me help. I just dont really know where to start.",5.890183486238534,3.340544440366976,7.851449541284403,77.59974311926607,67.89908256880734,12.022752293577984,30.056880733944954,10.793553405168565,2.7085838532110094,380,9,91,9,5,138,64,109,0.086,0.7979999999999999,0.11599999999999999,0.4774,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,2,0,9,1,0,0,3,0,13,1,0,2,0,19,26,9,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,5,0,2,2,5,0,0,0,2,1,12,1,14,23,4,9,0,0,0,0,12,4,0,4,4,62,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424358293063336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330670038020595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860566022428007,0.0,0.0,0.13269082844536678,0.6078588531250239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564155096750363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774385248046437,0.0,0.14738156553966195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607322303187488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425193906370438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334706028954461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22047062442306545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067035980166244,0.1375525345091522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986149715773232,0.0,0.0,0.14397602607934165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321720928560555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322631578449368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103113658164404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835530541543808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843374142043292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828156812004772,0.0,0.0,0.1661663327228329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498432692837492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349907411514325 bpd,_4_4_,2020/03/22,"I'm very depressed but at least I'm not looking for a relationship! Win? I have recently had a big falling out with all of my friends (again) and with that came a new wave of depression. I must say, I'm not mad. For the first time since I was 11 years old (I'm 22 now), I do not feel an urge to go looking for a romantic relationship, which ultimately led to the demise of all of my friendships. The concept of going on dates has become foreign to me. I can't understand why anyone in their right mind would want to go meet someone with a preestablished agreement that you will have to have sex/kiss/whatever by the end of it. I also can't see myself ever meeting anyone, but maybe it's the depression talking. I know this is not good, but I feel more tranquil knowing there's no one around me, and at least right now I don't think there ever will be again.",3.8869696969696967,4.632221636363635,4.812954545454549,86.67901515151517,71.27272727272728,7.912121212121212,28.303030303030305,8.07648339933343,1.6413575757575751,672,24,145,9,12,219,108,176,0.109,0.742,0.149,0.8083,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,1,2,10,9,1,0,11,0,16,0,0,1,5,30,34,6,0,3,7,0,2,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,6,8,0,0,6,0,0,6,8,4,0,2,3,6,16,5,24,26,5,29,0,3,3,0,9,9,0,0,14,99,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594885566618605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20276146668706724,0.0,0.0,0.12907229055942387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013062310612286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583051352686326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.374640332381036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841855329862048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623044279887933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662311312957854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332885076234087,0.0,0.0,0.11201930565910134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472043384582097,0.12161115782606167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936598108857528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435110173393489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456624518300957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463990794199381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003273467286215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214314654563985,0.0,0.0982493195896956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316063338589075,0.3113310856021188,0.0,0.24764220067642945,0.0,0.11530227026336293,0.0,0.0,0.11553866169809875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199376452691764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228499856473406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165378769836993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929040621065561,0.0,0.0,0.08454513032420248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094023063364165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963235249854882,0.08551915730949004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083138028759644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299709583830803,0.0,0.0,0.09336913248693554 bpd,shawty00001,2020/03/22,I just can’t stand their hypocrisy god it makes my stomach turn. i try to see it from their perspective Nd i understand exactly why they do it but ugh. some people are just so blissfully self centered. they’ll take attention from everyone and anyone n act like it doesnt matter to them. and they blame me for being unreasonable just for having emotions. sometimes i wish these sociopaths would get a taste of their own medicine...,2.9407500000000013,5.9311415750000025,3.017500000000002,87.67750000000002,83.25,6.7,25.5,7.908726449838941,1.8503500000000008,346,14,63,7,10,105,64,80,0.09699999999999999,0.8,0.10300000000000001,0.1126,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,7,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,8,2,1,1,1,14,15,4,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,13,1,7,12,2,3,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,1,1,42,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19589085364831024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315136608803135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677000586994808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636939742050356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368695564754719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18700560330492508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19422416622458888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232472218634577,0.0,0.29226271040678314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770804072282287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106416552682536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902068199156373,0.3047281350295256,0.0,0.2916511811815851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25279626535823096,0.0,0.3221643642628216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19901403710204946,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BigYorkieRW,2020/03/22,"Newly Diagnosed... I was recently diagnosed with BPD. After living for a year after being misdiagnosed with adult ADHD (Not the psychiatrists fault) I got the news it was in fact BPD. I am terrified. With the Universities closed, what little semblance of structure in my life is gone. I've been having episodes far more frequently now and it's revolving around rejection and failure (what's new there?). I don't know how to cope. I was meant to start DBT but it's been postponed indefinitely. I also suffer with Social Anxiety Disorder and ADD. I take ritalin to help me focus but at the same time, it makes some of the BPD worse. I can't sleep because night time is when I start to plunge. I go from panicking about college to worrying about money to thinking dark thoughts. It's suffocating. I have a 4.1GPA in Chemical Engineering because the fear of failure is so intense that I study hard enough and long enough to make sure I won't. But it's never enough to me. Got a C- in a quiz yesterday online for college. Haven't left my room since then. I don't wanna sound whiny. I don't wanna sound needy. I just want someone to tell me if life is always going to be like this? The one passion I have in life, as dumb as it is, is making watches and fixing them. I'm now so scared to take the plunge and study it as a career (my life dream) because what if the BPD makes me lose the one thing in life that I've always loved? What happens if I lose interest or can't do it and shut down? Sorry for the rant.",2.500242857142858,4.623928976666665,3.928571428571427,85.98,77.56666666666666,7.085714285714286,23.714285714285715,8.07648339933343,1.3628285714285715,1183,39,238,21,28,390,160,300,0.193,0.718,0.08900000000000001,-0.9873,0,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,1,2,12,13,1,2,16,0,25,11,1,5,3,42,46,23,0,6,9,0,1,1,0,1,8,2,1,1,17,14,0,0,4,1,1,3,9,8,0,2,10,4,26,5,40,33,6,36,0,4,1,2,6,15,1,6,19,158,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491697399936394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646748957922593,0.159127437184863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731492392840779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512230652568559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748676739823744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.481721494380176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19410510781299453,0.0,0.0,0.10958910526929876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29640387700271603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759937961582408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868639778797036,0.0,0.15295251840623186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455668256425533,0.0,0.08565697369558496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409224653663162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05255039572472305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389169526537388,0.0,0.33769709705800943,0.04671523041648767,0.0958366236257503,0.08443444385786361,0.08462092354476156,0.0,0.21394923061572585,0.0,0.0,0.08630102040148971,0.0,0.2553090715722287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737482414395477,0.09235064561719808,0.0,0.08973313910214861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958952943046687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944134737569771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573256410834184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909806946419272,0.0,0.09568931856607688,0.0974728161359841,0.08101873833357404,0.0,0.0,0.1070390556089892,0.13536102826680324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012096602808736,0.0,0.1437890750077833,0.0,0.08357632428232183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352585373420233,0.061269603396979476,0.0,0.07591180774117046,0.1115138883414718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056399308408997914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710701834660262,0.09744521681582706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615763141813244 bpd,SadCoconut_,2020/03/22,"Does anyone else desire a possessive partner? I don’t know if it’s a BPD thing, but it’s one of my desires in a relationship. I love passionate, jealous types. I know those type of guys can be dangerous, but I really don’t care. Something about those behaviors make me feel loved and cared for. Most would take it as a red flag, but I see it as a sign of affection. I used to love making my Fp jealous, by complimenting other men. Celebrities, or real life fellas. I needed his reaction to confirm he still liked me. My type is probably Stanley from A Streetcar Named Desire.",2.669123376623375,5.022701107142861,4.289837662337664,82.44152597402598,78.10714285714286,7.6441558441558435,26.25324675324676,8.575989854853784,2.157846428571429,452,18,85,10,11,151,80,112,0.096,0.565,0.34,0.9902,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,2,11,3,0,6,0,6,5,0,4,0,22,20,8,0,6,5,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,8,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,3,13,8,12,18,1,2,0,0,2,4,10,1,0,3,2,54,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724786396894824,0.18646472907915534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22920323356066136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37109085753951104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925595020333333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15202478190008986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201688199963268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019336599755265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20002795416877364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854110520326328,0.08890848336977146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4927446211066157,0.0,0.24295226783276075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493927529565128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331747504555535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196210179108612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20713831678152345,0.11658399501341987,0.0,0.0,0.1953833550195474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501816491201922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010063636928954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533313697743355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682977125563225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090248212249985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717626442810756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292766387477083,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sparklebunny95,2020/03/22,"How do I shut up the voice in my head that tells me that everyone hates me? I recently realized that most of the time my interactions with my loved ones are contaminated by this subtle feeling of being unwanted, that everyone finds me irritating and secretly hates me. Most of the time I have these fake conversations in my mind where people are rude to me and I rage to them. Basically, what I do is hurting my own feelings without any reason. None of my friends gave me the impression that they would abandon me or that they hate me. So why my mind keeps telling me that? Did you experience this? Do you have any advice? Maybe some mental exercise I could do to shut up this voice in my head?",4.6020895522388034,6.1249068208955215,5.4867462686567166,79.59220895522391,70.34328358208955,9.53910447761194,29.07164179104477,9.888512548439397,2.759808358208955,550,21,109,14,10,180,78,134,0.215,0.738,0.047,-0.9774,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,3,0,3,11,5,0,4,0,13,4,2,2,0,22,21,5,0,3,2,0,2,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,12,3,0,2,6,1,0,0,2,8,0,1,2,4,28,3,15,16,5,11,0,2,0,1,13,8,0,4,3,84,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508168504319208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099096289915064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322596106708575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949522524076548,0.0,0.15097172174388315,0.0,0.0,0.15607538741716587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106170855916975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924079468627236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571290819594591,0.3167896692559953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652215205256692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718229018394154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929564873622255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505279567638788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555359320904773,0.0,0.3116738220909298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045831062452136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699821206287308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586846881933568,0.1523896938325359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697956120503523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999091259129382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926561732912693,0.0,0.0,0.14877587369194498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096369548612727,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,anon70000000000000,2020/03/22,"He enables my BpD I’m currently in the middles of breaking g up with my none bpd boyfriend and he’s crying and having a fit. My bpd rage can’t handle this and he’s constantly triggering that side of me. I’m tired of being this freaking monster especially when you tell someone things that can easily be avoided that trigger you. I just don’t know what is even going on at this point. Crazy disassociation. Had to call out of half my shift because I’m just so angry I can’t face the customers like ugh I’m tired of fighting for a relationship to work",3.379900793650794,5.026058696428574,4.856190476190476,82.41103174603178,73.64285714285714,7.477777777777778,28.515873015873016,8.167268648758528,1.9302646825396823,442,18,88,7,9,148,77,112,0.24600000000000002,0.6940000000000001,0.06,-0.9709,1,1,0,0,2,0,5.0,0,2,0,2,5,6,2,1,4,0,9,3,1,2,0,11,15,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,1,0,9,1,14,12,1,14,0,0,0,0,9,9,0,0,4,54,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290948910279346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6998411130464846,0.0,0.18913216514586664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20015896275849174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034574481332358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233725093660155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526581643585793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179305640034113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049001475555532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509446840937404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19885889409648805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569378286678439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16189201573226444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305313257618783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4257704199340879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484367517405174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,plamenunoc,2020/03/22,"Is it normal amongst BPD folks to feel bored during sex? I (18F) sometimes just look up to the ceiling during sex with my boyfriend (18F) and feel so bored. I cum from sex with him and everything, i love him but a lot of times when were having sex i just go: •_• does anybody else feel that way too?",0.6752142857142864,2.9927829499999987,1.322857142857142,100.84500000000004,86.16666666666666,4.095238095238095,18.57142857142857,5.288315135182226,-0.6563571428571429,227,6,52,1,7,69,44,60,0.059000000000000004,0.897,0.044000000000000004,0.2168,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,0,0,12,9,5,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,4,7,1,7,8,1,5,0,0,1,5,3,1,0,1,2,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692774129969477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25658287791953416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449324876415081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635108791522377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4447549313636967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663334425108242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462156738488955,0.0,0.0,0.2492696920555728,0.2646260789659329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872755190747459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899840851346752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709683320357308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23272994766676094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,schizojpg,2020/03/22,"fear of abandonment feels like i'm literally dying i turn on my ringer and text a friend who i think hates me. i have more proof that they don't hate me than proof that they do, but it's overwhelming. i'm too anxious to ask if everything's okay with us because i've done it before and it's gotta get annoying, right? so i just say hi, and i put my phone down and wait. that's stupid because i'm gonna pick it up in about five seconds anyway. while i'm waiting, the tension building in my body comes in from the ends of my limbs, my hands and feet, into my torso and it rings in my chest. it almost hurts. it's so uncomfortable. it's like i'm being squished by a hydraulic press. i get a notification but it's not the one i want. my ears start to ring. my grip on my phone has my knuckles turning white. it starts to get harder to breathe. i open some stupid app to play a game to distract myself but it doesn't work. i'm on autopilot. my thumbs move but my brain is just stuck in that loop, and i can feel the way my heart is beating now. i'm like the world's most pathetic, codependent hummingbird. my vision starts to blur from the outside in while i think of every single embarrassing thing i've ever done or said in front of this friend who i value so much, it's all flooding in at the same time, so fast that i can barely even process each individual memory. i start to feel heavy, like i'm melting into my couch and like i'll never be able to stand up again. i wouldn't mind dying in this moment, and it feels like it's gonna happen anyway. they text back. it's just ""hi"" and thats all i said to them, but mine had a smiley face. first, there's relief. it hits me like i'm on drugs and witnessing something profound. my body breaks out in a fluttery feeling, and everything is warm and fuzzy for a moment, it ripples through me. they don't hate me, they texted back! but it was only a word. but i also only said a word. they have often initiated conversations the same exact way. my brain floods with new thoughts now, impulsive ideas about what to text back now. i have to wait a few minutes though or else i'll look desperate. i need water, this is exhausting. it's so much at one time, like being sensory deprived and overloaded at the same time? how is that even possible? instead of saying something impulsive like ""why do we talk less these days?"" or ""do you want me to die? you know that if you asked me to die i'd do it without even thinking, right?"" or ""i want all of your attention, how can i get that?"" or something sexual to raise more interest because we have benefits, and they might like me more and be more interested in talking if i give them something to care about, i type out something much calmer because i'm terrified of fucking this friendship up. the little send sound makes the tension crash into me again while i wait. will they say they miss me too? will they ask me to come over? what if they don't? what if the last time i saw them was THE last time? everything is tingly, background noise starts to mesh together and i can't physically think about anything else. i semi-gasp for breath when i realize i'm forgetting to breathe. i'm forgetting to breathe over a person? a friend? i start to get mad, mad at myself mostly but there are some angry thoughts towards them too. anger is heat, there's a new kind of butterflies but it's like they're fucking wasps instead, my head is full of them. the only thing that brings me out of it is the next text notification. they miss me. they sent a sad face. that's cute, it's validating. they're so nice to me, such a good friend. the heat cools down but i can feel it move to my cheeks, i'm a little embarrassed by the swings i just went through and disappointed in myself for thinking such things about such a sweet angel of a friend. the regret brings me down some. i care about them more than i care about myself. i show a lot of restraint in this friendship, we've never argued and they've never known about my intrusive thoughts beyond the ones that make me worry they're upset at me sometimes, and i always handle it well. i should be proud of myself, but i'm disgusted by the way my brain processes everything. disgusted by my codependency. i'm barely even an individual. eventually there will be less tension in my body. in fact, i'm gonna take an anxiety pill. it'll feel like i just worked out. this is exhausting. being in my brain is so fucking draining. i'm so tired. i hate this so much. sorry for venting. i know it sounds crazy. i just thought i'd try typing out my emotional waves and actually sharing them. thanks for reading if you did 💕",2.126136726104108,4.224286575240129,3.287993476670703,90.24098449510151,78.65848452508006,6.516465410765893,22.587855095751447,7.578964762494966,0.859960449917859,3639,113,775,54,89,1173,361,937,0.151,0.691,0.159,0.8526,0,0,6,0,0,0,116.0,3,5,20,5,58,72,16,9,41,2,50,29,20,5,11,135,144,60,4,13,30,0,11,12,5,11,5,11,1,1,55,37,1,5,22,4,0,11,11,35,1,6,17,27,116,37,105,108,27,104,1,9,3,3,58,50,3,21,50,498,171,5,0.0506443274735473,0.0,0.04942155808211569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05071297840681084,0.0,0.0,0.040500250383304216,0.042140137490477465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0387427718976436,0.0572136747104145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041675966334369895,0.0,0.14203682911826812,0.0,0.0,0.11682708521815745,0.0,0.12348924785688635,0.0,0.04309459254901669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876329263022272,0.0,0.226143274180716,0.0,0.0,0.15490580138032006,0.0,0.0,0.08725120752648485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03266140151976046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102432648376208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365346068074556,0.0,0.0,0.05873134135948186,0.0,0.08461367413197242,0.0569680518676197,0.04485584210877712,0.0,0.0,0.133800402633,0.045810693642290096,0.042670030168396864,0.0,0.18206342387255006,0.0,0.0,0.05698894836888916,0.17925105563682886,0.10854095299895188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04307803907733265,0.0,0.0,0.1956384088868828,0.14045959403242125,0.13229785418698295,0.048582653673748345,0.0,0.04247805908096924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044784611529397916,0.0,0.0,0.20000315381050468,0.05197569087668938,0.0,0.0,0.0600137718990832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05421580001132723,0.057171281268908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273827370461732,0.05566559583175342,0.08256377259857263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969071231174035,0.1015178417414097,0.0,0.0,0.042528479977973946,0.0,0.0,0.04305599615972098,0.0,0.0,0.06761096369648123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05372562819272664,0.051136333673380566,0.0,0.0,0.10765381053018462,0.14891763161624688,0.037552127109692,0.11718008241406255,0.09782521411746288,0.053860816815486025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295372094471752,0.11555187949329394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04422067330712722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057093869776393386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0509115371680238,0.0,0.0,0.050658032547808485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649995789301065,0.1445230585849213,0.12082320576428375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19494238773556868,0.050088534843438635,0.056692178294476335,0.2150778939041985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0380782314957873,0.08141198410041676,0.0,0.046626492457658264,0.0,0.0,0.10093752245061216,0.1622542005836656,0.0497577946074649,0.1608237559508896,0.14765557310359256,0.05820820434930825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03438417397357367,0.11017297081298247,0.0,0.0,0.06091889027910489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961400947953288,0.12059732954728584,0.0,0.0,0.045535332537939885,0.0469477989517835,0.0456986283236446,0.0,0.0,0.048819324437459205,0.0,0.07373934714354304,0.051431772883544113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,latte_no_,2020/03/22,"[DAE] feel like you're just a bad dream in others lives You come in to peoples lives (at work, school, friends, however) and at first you manage to maintain, but then you start slipping. Your thoughts take over and then it's too late to go back. They notice the change in your moods and slowly start backing off. You realize you're toxic and you bring down the vibe and create a tense environment just by trying to seem normal and happy, trying not to project your self hatred. Then you'll split and move onto another job, group, city or state with new people and start over. Ive been the 'oh yea, that person..huh' for so many groups but Its whatever. It feels like I'm a bad dream. they remember me, but they'd rather not. so it doesn't matter if I split and leave. It's probably for the best",2.3487552742616025,4.500324297468357,2.8572405063291164,93.33860337552746,78.17721518987341,5.9854852320675125,19.39409282700422,7.0316486544052195,0.16079358649789022,621,14,132,7,15,192,103,158,0.10800000000000001,0.7440000000000001,0.14800000000000002,0.7179,2,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,9,3,3,8,8,0,0,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,29,17,19,0,3,10,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,7,11,0,0,6,2,0,4,3,2,0,1,2,2,15,5,19,13,1,26,0,0,0,0,16,10,0,3,13,79,22,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580713178783553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318301944964992,0.2517348082096971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15819962060943182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947028167527064,0.12985514685965746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244437176186915,0.2153872982245004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822527617431725,0.0,0.0,0.1164667173674788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567296398844046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047292829122514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14959308433809204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700491223773452,0.15961925081335598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472946876385086,0.0,0.26622463216162984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283374366682906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16022014792351674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455923408503497,0.0,0.0,0.14770000152770368,0.0,0.1716263983908472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090179045844092,0.131626419606557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253070543954953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076690467680858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256395843701254,0.0,0.13723435895923752,0.15726194248852446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200983950934749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334294351262834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967623738150135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20469456355116208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097455728593034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,blue_hydrangea,2020/03/22,Inpatient treatment centres Does anyone know of any good inpatient treatment centres in Canada? I really need more help than what’s available to me at the moment. Thank you,4.614000000000001,8.085520066666668,4.641666666666668,75.14250000000001,81.66666666666666,7.0,30.83333333333333,8.07648339933343,3.269333333333334,142,7,19,3,4,44,27,30,0.0,0.743,0.257,0.8251,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,5,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047363878136176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31333532809850706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921520868969396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3758610811064805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003648194640609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462745648274313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322746707045344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870766014388961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41256790546699135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Tmshrt2,2020/03/23,"Advice sought for impulsive BPD trait, how to safely explore urges during COVID19 lockdown. Hello, my country has now gone on lockdown and I’m noticing that I’m struggling with my impulses, or the boredom that spurns them. I wanted to ask advice as to how to get my adrenaline fix with lots of activities being shut for the forseeable? I don’t feel like I can do my usual hobbies either as many of the venues which facilitate it (performing stand up) have been told to closed too.",6.218333333333334,7.379406611111111,6.255555555555558,76.93000000000002,66.22222222222223,8.666666666666668,32.77777777777778,8.841846274778883,2.8307777777777785,385,16,66,6,6,122,67,90,0.055999999999999994,0.8809999999999999,0.063,0.1531,0,2,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,1,3,0,7,0,0,2,0,13,15,6,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,1,8,2,15,11,2,9,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,3,45,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5191647723255198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483395049009849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345669263117811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431662765465802,0.18977476966059612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878703352734478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297793121936648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258394143765477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26931939571021424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024352920602803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777068005051229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538324108506068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925672440452661,0.0,0.15668259341250718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,itsMadMax,2020/03/23,"How do I tell the love of my life who broke my heart it won't just ""take time"" and she's hurt me so much I just want to end it? So Saturday I was detained by the police for attempted suicide. I'd finally had enough of wearing the ""happy face"" for people and just wanted it to be over, the pain and unending loneliness are just to much to handle anymore. I'd always planned on doing it since I can remember but back in November I found some I fell truly and deeply in love with. She made everything better and for the first time in so very long I was actually happy, even though I was constantly afraid she'd break my heart. I genuinely wanted to spend the rest of my life with her Well obviously she broke up with me on the 26th of February. She did it via text and she had no real reason, just that ""the attraction was gone"" and all the nice things I said about her and how amazing I found her made her feel a pit of dread in her stomach. Since then I haven't seen her because she'd been really busy between work, looking after her nan with alzheimer's and having her mother visit from france (we live in the UK). Since she dumped me I've obviously fallen into a deep pit of despair that I genuinely can't see a light from and I attempted to kill myself (I'm not gonna say how) but my friends and family called the police and they tracked me down and stopped me before I could go to far. Well yesterday she finally messaged me that she can finally meet and talk tomorrow but our plans to do that have fallen through with this whole quarantine lockdown, she said we can wait till it's over to see each other and that ""it takes time and you'll stop feeling this way eventually"" & ""you'll find someone more suited to you."" How or even should I tell her that just a day before I attempted to kill myself partly because of her?",4.621873873873874,5.1796570027027045,5.379797297297298,83.95086711711713,69.51351351351353,8.977477477477477,27.578828828828826,9.075114841892004,1.9796396396396398,1441,45,301,26,24,469,191,370,0.135,0.745,0.12,-0.6261,0,2,0,0,0,3,32.0,3,3,1,8,20,21,3,2,15,0,27,10,5,7,3,62,51,30,3,5,11,1,2,0,1,5,3,3,0,0,18,25,0,3,7,0,2,6,5,10,2,1,16,10,58,11,46,26,10,42,0,4,4,2,43,14,0,2,20,213,76,1,0.0,0.0,0.09260029115950674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789572233768153,0.10281476228595876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410674328960668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296560803514815,0.0,0.11568979965803865,0.0,0.16149113756424988,0.0,0.0,0.08392370756977513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096894700651316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254386272268512,0.0,0.07576303943281207,0.0,0.0,0.06119708499238599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404559064237034,0.09804815369067717,0.0,0.12534971297837955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528224682881702,0.0,0.08945514072694863,0.0,0.09595985804436634,0.0,0.0,0.3118465804368216,0.08672899521724926,0.08071455283772483,0.0,0.20808698385115,0.07331283888220322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05392895367375716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020272607091616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22489346621576306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158317668076992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20996648833704695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404916511103193,0.0,0.0,0.08379082026737597,0.08397587846417874,0.07968485376337718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17128633668803175,0.1795770217723473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951215402331466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097111050971118,0.0,0.0,0.10275810914825527,0.0,0.06578572964301377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800715608894093,0.0607898429539133,0.09756413490199213,0.0,0.0,0.10749342689449952,0.0,0.1805268500032588,0.07546142794613347,0.0,0.0,0.15123227625630065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354853713418521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040115185013827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586668724624348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379575984778086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269300524642858,0.07627009066616014,0.1658784838646333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304161133026077,0.0,0.09323029153493127,0.0,0.16599576692420434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829532000953318,0.16790816987169135,0.07532035453423454,0.0,0.0,0.17063747945996308,0.0,0.0,0.10594282845212867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690820492148243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,B0220K,2020/03/23,"Quarantine makes me wanna contact my abusive ex friend I had a paranoia episode and that’s when I just blocked him everywhere even though it killed me. I’m having one of those lonely days and this quarantine thing is making me question why i ever did it in the first place. Our attachment issues don’t seem so bad when some time passes. Especially since i experience splitting with nearly everyone in my life I’ve learned not to trust my thoughts and feelings so my mind is trying to convince me this is just splitting and I ruined one of my only real relationships for nothing.",6.664888597640887,7.652581412844036,6.613132372214942,75.38412844036698,65.14678899082568,9.164351245085193,34.83748361730013,9.23628265651192,3.2475336828309302,470,21,80,8,7,149,80,109,0.212,0.727,0.061,-0.9595,0,4,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,1,9,7,1,0,2,0,7,1,0,2,1,21,13,9,1,1,3,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,4,0,3,3,1,16,3,10,10,1,11,0,2,0,0,7,4,0,3,6,60,23,1,0.0,0.2317993131496684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334975136304405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617047447382146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921720669871126,0.17696598075638878,0.0,0.18694071394734554,0.0,0.19137173029385585,0.0,0.0,0.09892056804179984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16640977964465328,0.0,0.0,0.1511496122395578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041954851213958,0.0,0.0,0.2164447167735468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818506851251833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611800771640591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19753884347304024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877201593728058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651390574402533,0.14879169073817566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044003122860132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21915959302483845,0.0,0.0,0.22267913793614927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21004224490592305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781016981631279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618339666425949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299733478175122,0.0,0.19221356899202785,0.15531490268956638,0.11407822598128932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282551705601242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17653307421326297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,strawberrymuteboi,2020/03/23,"does anyone else get extremely paranoid thinking you're something you know you arent? i kinda get like extreme paranoia sometimes where i feel like id honestly rather have my head stuck in like a trash compactor cus itd be better, i feel like im a murderer even tho im now and i know that, but i cant stop myself thinking i am. It overpowers everything im feeling and its all i can think of (getting high on weed litterally makes it hall where i can move for hours just lay down absolutely terrified and hide from everything. its honestly the scariest thing ever. like no matter how much i reassure myself or my friends reassure me its like its stuck in my head and i just really want this to stop. sorry if this post is like a jumbled mess i cant rly put my thoughts out well if that makes sense.",1.9405115089514064,4.338831571428575,3.421541834124956,87.39999269272926,81.11180124223603,7.018048958713921,25.61965655827549,8.124751697461798,1.7656873218852758,637,26,128,13,17,209,101,161,0.217,0.612,0.171,-0.649,2,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,1,11,16,1,0,4,0,10,2,2,3,2,31,27,10,1,4,7,0,3,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,2,9,0,0,2,4,2,1,0,3,3,20,14,9,22,2,17,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,4,12,76,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830221653514764,0.1293950905716827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168984239651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110513866093635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054958786052877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341081496764773,0.1142330580698636,0.0,0.0,0.2269957079675373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915622247585266,0.1804377100785556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756837081567403,0.0,0.19793791263499155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25921205911001904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342825734550778,0.0,0.0,0.12436642519552366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092321576967642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880713727661348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43187925783740094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859397944085538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422219805010913,0.09283485528988644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094722867618744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269524671936434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090214523930814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722125262874257,0.12490023735687053,0.1413670123789951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21116176217718524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389891054377939,0.2427572085515351,0.0,0.1002571015187162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448684673701468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354642055092455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,plskllmilol,2020/03/23,"Impulsiveness out of Spite I was talking to my FP who I just moved in with and is M (I'm F but we aren't romantic at all). We were talking about relationships and preferences today, and I told him how in the past I thought a guy wouldn't like me because of my tattoos. I only have 5 medium and small ones. My point was that now I wouldn't be phased if someone didn't want to date me because of my tattoos, because everyone has their preferences which is okay. He responded by saying he prefers me without tattoos and that they don't fit me but was being nonchalant about it and I know he wasn't trying to be a dick but my insides started boiling. I couldn't believe he thought it was okay to say that to my face knowing that they're permanent and I like them. Immediately I had an intense desire to go get a tattoo... just to spite him I guess? I didn't say anything or show that I was mad at him because I'm a quiet borderline and I internalize everything. This is definitely not the first time I've done this either the last time this happened I ended up buying a car which didn't go over well but that's a story for another time. Anyone else experience this?",4.234012605042018,4.9636762142857185,5.580997899159668,81.54359768907563,70.47058823529412,8.639075630252101,30.841386554621852,8.841846274778883,2.3870159663865547,921,38,189,16,16,310,132,238,0.133,0.809,0.057999999999999996,-0.9524,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,0,3,1,7,8,3,0,10,2,25,3,2,1,1,38,39,15,0,9,11,0,0,2,0,2,0,4,0,1,15,12,1,0,7,1,1,4,11,3,1,2,15,4,33,5,23,18,2,25,0,0,0,1,22,10,1,3,13,130,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507423967107304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051866889007924,0.1472966679154612,0.11830027049854915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505332379799973,0.0,0.0,0.16196560674366928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14711395457830506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009104308918445,0.0,0.12732657984062973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373665643959993,0.12920007732521555,0.14062253512302927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228015625381596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751074219185676,0.0,0.16340153417165884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15836522337315292,0.14234264315286932,0.12712438664513856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801085430209988,0.11718164557274825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046542114916793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279159700512496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741388229109813,0.10933414629587944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372329126943537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589741538031133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434188172019356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429654830253797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180536304261855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175238178837233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310938554761288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282549812875328,0.25147866900498683,0.0,0.1362654125281592,0.1373665643959993,0.0,0.0976019859817472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479196760416338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925536298932033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857721354729502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,beepboopbob5,2020/03/23,"First time I've been able to control a 'snap' and didn't freak out, went on a walk but got stalked by my mother for doing so.. Learned something really bad that will waste a year of my life, and just as I almost snapped I was able to keep calm. This is thanks to medications, so I decided I was better off going on a calming walk. Only to be followed by my mother, she shows up to my boyfriends house, trash talks about me to his mother, and now I'm just upset. Why did she think that was appropriate. Why did she think that would make things better. His mother is going to think I'm some mental freak now.",5.31754608294931,4.862896491935484,5.6879262672811075,85.83403225806455,67.95161290322581,8.376036866359447,26.5852534562212,7.447530270364453,1.1453769585253455,471,11,103,4,7,151,77,124,0.08900000000000001,0.7390000000000001,0.171,0.885,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,4,7,9,0,1,4,0,13,2,0,2,0,18,26,7,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,5,1,0,6,1,4,0,1,9,0,14,5,18,14,1,16,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,2,5,66,19,1,0.3625868071749907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18153915591498565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513724193650318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206785656419334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033359678143805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542080764777454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060664383337976,0.0,0.14499689631652016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20918824682166992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611419070372919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805289243675513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101475466100327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826340310810041,0.1827011101526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788180282193438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614119662106072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395685192759812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571677053155474,0.0,0.16691060848642492,0.0,0.0,0.12044328165754828,0.3484964781362181,0.0,0.0,0.10571364155480033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16806080142649615,0.3271781967052804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878563234669682,0.0,0.0,0.11674700797262832 bpd,thatgirlwhoisnothere,2020/03/23,DAE feel like its hard to stay loyal in a serious romantic relationship? I've been in a few relationships in my life and in all of them i felt like i would die if the other peraon cheated on me but i sometimes feel this terrible urge to cheat? Like im the most loyal person you could be with but also the least? Does anyone else feel this way. It's actually really hard bc I just dont trust myself...,1.0564123159303875,3.306033891566265,3.5030522088353417,86.37323962516736,83.57831325301207,7.062382864792503,18.86077643908969,8.167268648758528,0.909365194109772,315,8,67,7,9,109,63,83,0.226,0.619,0.155,-0.777,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,0,2,10,2,0,5,0,5,1,0,0,1,14,9,5,1,3,4,0,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,6,9,6,9,4,4,7,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,3,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.18618429069825065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257532711105998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340535759301808,0.19548771260600645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233092230394726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19801071969866746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669623074449095,0.0,0.22360538681858325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593812246414693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894086705632504,0.136300979640266,0.1831890799267572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418221482845138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060867947913433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476117846054894,0.27963223068070403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16659116008052194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222546657587298,0.0,0.0,0.4096758174340263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886969713995106,0.0,0.0,0.20335759832215514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151440849791081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553230429683252,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,souljizz,2020/03/23,"why is suicide demonized? when an animal is in pain we put it out of its misery. it’s considered the honorable and kind thing to do. why is it not the same with humans? my mental illness has brought me nothing but crippling pain and loneliness my whole life. done all the routes of treatment to no avail, only made things worse honestly. i infect everyone around me with my pain and abusive tendencies which i don’t mean to be abusive with, they’re cries for help. i am a leech. i only feel ok when someone is giving me their full attention. any other time i’m in immense pain or so dissociated i don’t feel like a human being anymore. i’ve failed at everything in life. i literally have no achievements or anything of value to my name. my existence is nothing but a painful burden. so what’s so wrong with suicide? I wouldn’t be suffering anymore and I wouldn’t make everyone around me suffer anymore either. I’m not religious so that’s not holding me back. I just feels like the logical and compassionate choice for all involved.",3.624159687325516,5.899226326633168,4.791013400335012,80.40456588498047,74.678391959799,8.040312674483529,29.64852037967616,8.841846274778883,2.6868557230597427,825,37,149,18,18,271,119,199,0.297,0.557,0.146,-0.9928,0,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,1,0,1,3,10,17,0,0,8,1,17,9,0,2,2,37,27,15,2,2,9,0,3,2,0,2,9,0,0,2,10,13,0,1,6,0,0,2,9,10,0,0,3,3,21,7,20,19,6,14,1,3,0,0,9,8,0,2,6,104,31,2,0.0,0.2511406102929509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207080050072223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31531439954893353,0.0,0.0,0.08721343721429532,0.18869134438738575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814929447174785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164152913463633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845548862138107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20253901683920272,0.09524900310369942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076172632467434,0.15142587638489274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166675397242153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710369153363786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036303479146442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971520824653806,0.10355405052368626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028190473499436,0.07074322512443093,0.0,0.0,0.11544451656365552,0.0,0.0,0.10680404883036827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203383499064712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120684531268595,0.5638569559282367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065403046605527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979746485205327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231852302665916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081830290684225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061798447339616626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19126296533149625,0.1183241433156256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080038224736686,0.0,0.1158737250064627,0.0,0.0 bpd,MeowMeowfuzzysocks,2020/03/23,"Advice needed from other artists struggling with BPD How y’all cope with productivity when depressed? I’m having a hard time with my depression lately. I used to be super productive when low but now it’s like my creative mind just stopped. I cannot even sketch and I have uni work piling up. I have so much stuff to express and this isolation is perfect to get it done. Some more background info: -I’m not currently in antidepressants (suicidal thoughts got worse) -Currently overcoming my Eating Disorder -I’ve always been a loner so I don’t have any close friends -My FP got deployed overseas so makes my mental issues worse Thanks for reading my post (:",4.2033936651583685,7.253364840336139,4.242184873949578,80.95224951519072,77.06722689075629,7.022882999353588,28.48157724628313,8.139509932561175,2.3977079508726566,532,23,87,10,13,164,95,119,0.183,0.631,0.18600000000000005,0.677,2,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,3,9,9,0,1,2,0,10,1,0,3,1,19,20,9,1,1,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,1,2,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,1,12,5,10,14,3,13,0,3,0,0,3,4,0,1,9,55,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667138669342801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192139585739888,0.0,0.0,0.1159881301198175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148170928484296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938099086105653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19547903322937185,0.0,0.0,0.17454432639885933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452768936988322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126547102050176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177591591304685,0.0,0.08911169850548345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728283103924936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279020999597054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780226007760718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19240156637008107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833280649245398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385157850086333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17188655914729234,0.0,0.17221917834501235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538282623977862,0.1264696940779149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633514191403199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060833492057656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142597618388445,0.0,0.17830862185449864,0.1952528875932011,0.18656733977808448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15703073809430906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540731764779831,0.09945617783388312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731095920724005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241712972411371,0.0,0.3476348625928751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hihellothere__,2020/03/23,"Help me understand I don't have BPD but I recently met someone who might have it. He has some of the symptoms but he refuses to speak to a doctor or therapist about his issues. The symptoms he has is insecurity, he's always digging for compliments, he says he hates himself, hates his life and everyone hates him. He also said it would only be a matter of time before I hate him. He's needy and gets upset if I don't text him back quick enough. I also made some jokes and he took it the wrong way and got angry. I recently rejected his romantic advances and now he won't talk to me. I said I want to be friends. Before I met I never heard of BPD but it seems to be what he is suffering from. I'm trying to learn more about this illness so I can be a good friend. What does it feel like when you're rejected? Should I quit reaching out to him? After I rejected him he quit texting me and I only reached out once to check on how he was doing and all he said was that it was nice to feel wanted briefly. How can I be helpful? Should I just leave him alone? Sometimes it seems he wants me to guess what's wrong.",1.9309913793103453,3.5712887370689685,3.5822758620689648,90.04031034482759,77.57758620689657,6.881379310344827,23.23793103448276,7.734863291789972,0.9661148275862064,865,27,191,13,20,288,124,232,0.23600000000000002,0.618,0.146,-0.9852,0,4,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,3,12,19,4,2,6,0,24,5,0,3,2,38,48,18,0,7,6,0,2,1,2,5,5,6,0,0,13,9,0,1,6,1,1,2,4,12,0,0,12,8,30,7,21,26,5,15,0,4,0,0,40,3,0,8,10,122,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809743056475092,0.0,0.16693175320355166,0.08684547582974976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025526580105334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762497317215742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26290458224538105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682868581978028,0.09133623118632266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784369304450003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973147177259824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055467654003814,0.07456304346688132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127437376487752,0.0,0.05452981780479332,0.0,0.0,0.0875418893458669,0.08347544883109152,0.0,0.11497700968242895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41218111981834216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991607596884947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893676305426166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051438255325564,0.0,0.0,0.07372069983445392,0.05099065862919827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987588673773464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072170198077576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049775994298533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111522754877761,0.0,0.15875850681763426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22202394370723424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20610859316834984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978436839228281,0.08300043158177567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003184601093173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884336605450532,0.0,0.10322611413112742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21696397022901195,0.0,0.08388988406886906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118339333361625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06085987976661725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596061261456847,0.0708614192448395,0.0,0.0,0.10865444589277784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18468310161589735,0.08284526417518111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741425419180618,0.2282277719130521,0.0,0.0 bpd,flearhcp97,2020/03/23,"BPD+BPD Relationship, please help! I have quiet BPD, my significant other has full-blown. We live 2 hours apart, it's tough, and now she's caring for her dad who just had triple-bypass. I believe in my heart she loves me, but whenever she gets stressed, she breaks off our engagement - 4 times now. I don't want anyone else. She doesn't believe she deserves happiness, and bails at the slightest hint of anything negative. What can I do, other than wait it out? Thanks...",3.766363636363636,6.097911090909097,3.8522727272727297,87.03590909090912,74.45454545454545,7.127272727272729,25.772727272727273,8.07648339933343,1.5612454545454542,368,13,71,6,8,113,71,88,0.114,0.6890000000000001,0.19699999999999998,0.7788,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,2,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,1,0,7,2,1,0,0,8,13,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,16,5,7,12,0,10,0,0,0,1,14,5,0,0,4,44,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193274244252737,0.174858384048016,0.1404362666485558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845442625057737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6448099954922387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739963048368411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256212330116985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916130020151479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18166767477304666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20222950573925014,0.1143878684606566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680628843292205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069336120152782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402471130519468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18733026747747805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322187738837664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195487151331812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711814514713335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995115375137466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065798938524012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pomegranate_peaches,2020/03/23,"i haven't told anyone about my diagnosis tw: self harm mention ok so i got diagnosed with bpd and anxiety a couple months ago, im 18f and i just haven't been able to tell anyone. i went in because of general mental health+ ive been having bad dissociative episodes for about a year and i thought they were just gonna say i have anxiety or something but it just turned out way more severe than i thought and i knew i had my own issues, and the diagnosis made everything so so clear and part of me is so grateful, but part of me just had this realization that i make life harder for everyone that cares about me. i have quiet bpd so i just hide everything and since i got diagnosed ive completely stopped telling people any problems and haven't talked to anyone about any issues because i feel like its better for people to see me happy even if im not?? but because of this, my self harm got really out of hand and its just... bad man, this whole year. i dont know what the point of this post was i just feel very oddly alone and thought id write it out without having anyone i actually know read it, but if you read it, thanks, and i hope youre doing well <3",3.3086741363211942,4.591517327731093,4.4406162464986,86.77578898225958,73.2016806722689,7.809897292250232,25.40709617180205,8.344100000000001,1.4427303454715208,916,29,196,15,18,300,126,238,0.124,0.7090000000000001,0.16699999999999998,0.9456,0,1,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,1,1,18,13,0,0,4,1,18,5,1,2,1,47,39,23,0,4,16,0,3,1,0,1,4,2,0,3,13,15,0,1,8,2,0,1,6,5,1,0,16,6,30,8,23,22,5,13,0,0,1,0,13,5,0,4,6,124,43,2,0.095878743908411,0.0,0.09356382337952547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499072148243139,0.0,0.0,0.09930146317286832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304016673598844,0.0,0.14669395331654386,0.0,0.0,0.2681625881303821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601094926114293,0.17534037711672149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479695748351047,0.0,0.0,0.2415118431161962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775476939793844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005270388185296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608800649180204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19462981367066626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123691737930335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332700609753564,0.0,0.0,0.09161624859779056,0.1723392654555674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695834750802154,0.06849579380564769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23004897058049856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206470574850206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191462128244724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522922643480176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20713099259228668,0.2001449971213601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538490041257853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772199229383205,0.04684151125122815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907227857371815,0.06399980606951225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966232229384421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652949865112009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20765467267484494,0.0,0.1329404975327713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906364037422371,0.0,0.09182533333150764,0.0,0.0,0.09174300921314693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19180938011635032,0.0,0.061422378463278825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624662544696506,0.0,0.0,0.0764029454321831,0.0,0.2000448805470796,0.1083156898170719,0.0,0.07931188774463888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381214127230892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801589230733906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706370253131085,0.16760449640530795,0.08827226567536735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283510387109711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161624859779056,0.0,0.0,0.10428854109795624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911000495880527,0.0,0.07610408412631497,0.0,0.0,0.08620650534790628,0.08888055617112789,0.0,0.10704519354639938,0.0,0.09242368768675302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348553513783685 bpd,sesilyber,2020/03/23,"Love or just codependency? Do you ever wonder whether it’s love or just codependency that you’re feeling towards the person? Every time I fall in love with someone, I feel intense desire for intimacy for about a year. Then it suddenly disappears. As I always fall for emotionally unavailable people, abandonment is inevitable. Once it happens, I deem the person worthless and experience intense rage. I dump the person and the feelings of love that I used to think to be pure and unconditional, vanish. This makes me question my own feelings. Do I simply use people to feed my ego? Am I even capable of loving someone? It causes me a great deal of emotional turmoil and confusion. At this point, I honestly can’t tell the difference between codependency and love.",5.2189743589743625,8.136038407407408,6.203703703703706,69.08128205128206,72.33333333333333,8.894586894586894,33.347578347578356,9.466822959209583,3.9287150997151006,615,31,91,16,13,203,88,135,0.12,0.611,0.26899999999999996,0.976,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,5,14,2,2,7,0,6,7,0,4,2,27,22,10,0,1,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,6,1,1,7,0,0,3,1,6,0,0,0,4,14,8,16,21,1,12,0,2,0,6,13,4,0,5,5,65,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033758709198327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387550209651894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243193359000163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598717562754205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712870534425561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796462135129768,0.10907734850452587,0.10159928569778767,0.0,0.0,0.11795668766367373,0.0,0.0,0.2438885310824697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329469877771306,0.0,0.0,0.10663420024975068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6530038794455147,0.0,0.08049239231601449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284206346464207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671989235478559,0.31587431295562274,0.0,0.0,0.11399317304507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508442246528976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20434501698619406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539787311176538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726692864152403,0.0,0.0,0.07031492922511846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20829595297824807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077086208053618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765372076965348 bpd,xs3ptember,2020/03/23,"its okay People will leave when I become boring and I can't fufill their expectations anymore. That's okay. I can't stop them. It hurts. But it's good that they're happy. It doesn't matter that I'm not. Turns out the one person who can't leave me has somehow found a way. And someone who I expected to leave, has. Ignore just some lyrics i relate to from april fools album by the scary jokes ""I think poisoned me right to the core, wonder if you'll ever really know."" ""Dont leave me to crumble at your feet Has something happened between us? You used to be so sweet.... so sweet...."" ""Come on, dont you remember me? Or have you burned my effigy? It floats around my memory like a mannequin adrift at sea I think perhaps Things might be better off this way""",0.7592763157894744,3.2078421644736856,2.124736842105264,94.07815789473685,87.88157894736841,4.778947368421052,16.55263157894737,6.339386263674448,-0.3104263157894733,587,13,123,6,19,188,104,152,0.152,0.723,0.125,-0.3018,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,1,5,2,1,7,14,1,0,5,2,15,2,1,1,1,26,25,8,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,12,5,0,2,6,1,0,1,7,5,0,1,1,2,21,9,14,19,1,14,0,1,0,0,11,7,0,6,5,80,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392874804449285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502921835673975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511467686179106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421555956959734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098421418855773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32920992015047834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704399008031733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539948715726742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780179882567725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419841941968175,0.1495103705733999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15035335663368052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718699328027358,0.0,0.0,0.5948600450898176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861619454080466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899399315959294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517174894115396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736952115118648,0.12263448409760375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997510450059971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910112360863665,0.11994251689700185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900182149128395,0.1081243561474826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742149458597907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330794902080368,0.1799878535819573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527679750974398,0.0,0.0,0.16894262620764905,0.12130267808462905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22296345708205886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231074400625758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,justminick,2020/03/23,"I got broke up with and now I don’t know how to proceed My ex broke up with me, as I stated in the title. It was a whole mess. Partially my fault and partially him using my BPD against me to invalidate anything I said or felt, regardless of how much valid reasoning I gave. He will never see himself as at fault for anything, because even if he claims to at some points he then goes back on it and tells me / others how insane I am. Like, it depends on the stance he’s trying to take - no matter what I said, he will say the opposite because I can never be right or valid. If I say “ok so you’re never wrong” he will say “no I am” but if I say “you’re wrong he will say “no it’s all your fault, as usual.” I may have been mostly at fault for prior problems but he kept using them against me even though he decided to keep working on the relationship with me. It was always his get out of jail free card for anything he did, and he knew it. Regardless, he cut all ties and contact with me. So there’s no hope anymore of reconciliation. All I know is, he left me a mess, my eating disorder out of control, my depression spiraling, and he doesn’t care. Simply put. He doesn’t care. I was always left apologizing for everything and him saying cruel, mean things constantly (I mean constanttttttly, and thinking it’s ok and justified) and me finally snapping and saying something angry (but true) back to him - he’s definitely a narcissist (NPD), but that’s besides the point. Anyway. Now that I know he’s ended it for good, I’m left in an awkward position. I’m at my house constantly and people keep asking about him. It hurts to pretend nothing is wrong when it’s most definitely over. I don’t know what to do, because in the past when I thought it was over, it wasn’t, and I told people and then he held it against me. Also, I know he is telling everyone and doing smear campaigns, but if I did it, I would be the only one wrong for it (like before). My son asked about him and his daughter. I don’t want to pretend like they’re coming back when I know they won’t. I need to protect my son. (Unrelated: My ex tells me I don’t care about my son, but that’s bullshit). My family sees me at home, and even tho there’s a pandemic they are expecting me to be with him so it’s obvious. It hurts to pretend like things are normal when they’re over. So my question is, what would you do?",1.54633361003102,3.559203556468169,3.400961160382717,89.13471012276639,80.17043121149895,6.6087465594827215,23.092708287823854,7.69321558396912,1.0417065752108003,1840,62,396,30,47,617,200,487,0.142,0.736,0.122,-0.6388,0,0,1,0,0,0,66.0,0,2,3,2,28,32,2,1,12,2,38,1,0,8,8,86,76,48,0,14,12,6,1,4,0,8,0,9,1,0,26,25,1,6,15,3,1,2,15,19,0,1,18,12,64,14,54,47,8,49,0,5,2,0,59,24,0,13,26,266,90,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057127125703717536,0.11888049623430713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084504661386078,0.0,0.0,0.17635655175521475,0.0,0.13356552473630667,0.0,0.0,0.1647889956158859,0.0,0.13063966985286934,0.0,0.06078654285833857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997079842384162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185004562672205,0.0,0.0,0.061535554138467924,0.0,0.15439328746500774,0.08012124301840981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152748766873034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187153294722482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309658347697635,0.0,0.0,0.06327085157356392,0.0,0.0,0.1415478734344025,0.0,0.0,0.06825989921309661,0.06420182593429086,0.0,0.0673432465423556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858950129536126,0.07825434804188533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03732221936873499,0.0,0.0,0.05991689922412996,0.05713367729066116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165585948543099,0.07095179619412498,0.0,0.08242723872391436,0.1529468481336345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699071426429426,0.0,0.0,0.2355552467224133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328453817820788,0.0,0.0,0.13959955295855994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562889932651272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05251347942498307,0.05296868699660453,0.1652869114310396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699918459919239,0.06854450744562435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04840669792088411,0.05433009000059148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819348529553157,0.09904907810364907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350597056564449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835434388814987,0.0,0.07181263710819306,0.0800243639578288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344782577058959,0.0,0.07669523757039469,0.0,0.06100572121348378,0.13590347148849652,0.3976599057049641,0.0,0.0,0.11385005246570007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499471328574093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053710777011192035,0.0,0.1873139242338074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491744666077444,0.04577312991882319,0.07018523985353442,0.05671198841611276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825989921309661,0.0,0.04850017000429667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339506545513933,0.0786763617958032,0.0,0.042134643085744335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975543895932732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05200606062568704,0.0,0.0,0.10149178286006637,0.3124150166747043,0.0,0.0 bpd,Dependent-Childhood,2020/03/23,"I blew up at my FP and he hasn’t spoken to me since My FP is a very flirty person and I became very jealous that I wasn’t the primary person on his radar. I invited him to my birthday event and he didn’t even say anything about his, and I completely blew up at him and I basically said that he treats girls like they’re disposable, and that I didn’t want to be one of those girls. It was completely out of left field and he hasn’t spoken to me. I don’t blame him. I really wish I handled my feelings of rejection better and that I didn’t say this to him, even though a part of me is happy I called him out. But that same part of me is also really happy I drew boundaries. I legitimately said I wouldn’t speak to him, and I’m glad I haven’t. I was really becoming obsessed with him even though I have a boyfriend. I’m starting to accept that the way I form attachments is completely different from other people and that the way I’ve felt about this person is not normal. When I look at the way I feel about him from the approach of someone with BPD, it makes sense. It doesn’t make me feel like a freak. And I’m very proud that once again, I’ve drawn proper boundaries... even though the way I did it could’ve been way better.",5.332471042471043,4.462032266409267,6.204150579150577,83.53240347490349,68.03474903474904,9.716602316602318,27.766409266409262,9.04235418022936,1.8136054054054047,963,24,216,15,14,320,114,259,0.057,0.8,0.14300000000000002,0.9607,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,3,13,14,1,1,10,0,21,0,0,2,0,29,36,17,0,4,2,0,4,2,0,1,0,5,0,5,16,15,0,0,5,0,0,1,11,4,0,1,11,10,41,10,28,23,4,19,0,1,1,0,25,9,0,0,6,144,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063634373928928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297720421972173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136244418958507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17835769767128726,0.0,0.0,0.12699599601474587,0.0,0.1029620605735806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171653511425513,0.0,0.0,0.08050717534482446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534932436954132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663977421635302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295301987903998,0.07203532087644889,0.09681576895788513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146778194764849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955566211437516,0.0,0.0,0.09852410216295043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467456615100571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346140050388813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987952130065752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738416055221534,0.06832724532784154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21838524888214447,0.0,0.0699051055924717,0.2641312124810677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19378915824312207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918310943761689,0.16037335505310027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341033756339765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543571744722815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137032001630471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972045796040694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24959406739257864,0.0594740855826613,0.4001838518437125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159533045742734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cryingorangejuice,2020/03/23,"i have a bpd relationship with bpd itself / become one of the reasons people hate everyone with bpd 👍 sometimes i’m annoyingly self confident, and other times i want to destroy this disorder, and myself, permanently. i’ve said to multiple people and known over the years that a lot of bpd is in my head to ‘save’ me. if i get too many signs somebody doesn’t care, then i’ll react harshly and dip. this has saved my ass in some situations, because it stops me caring at the end of the day and means i can totally forget about whoever was making me feel useless. but in some situations i’ve ended up hating myself because i’ve tricked myself into thinking someone doesn’t care, lost feelings for them, had to cut them off/lash out at them, and ended up being a total fucking prick. it really does feel like a lot of bpd is there to save me, though. and it’s hard to shake that. it’s a lot easier to have black and white emotions and be able to drop feelings and people as i please, but the reality sometimes hits that i’ve made a fucking awful decision, am a fucking awful person, am totally delusional, and generally a hot mess. bpd makes me feel on top of the world and like i want to get the fuck out of it at the same time. recently i’ve become a lot more in control of my emotions when i used to have absolutely 0 control of my emotions and was led by them. but in a way that’s worse? i’m a lot happier most of the time but i seem to have lost any respect for how other people might feel. again, as a ‘coping mechanism’. but a pretty awful one which is only gonna end with me even more hated and in even more shit. i’ve become what i used to not understand and what i swore to destroy, the apathetic borderline. great. i’m now one of the reasons that people hate ‘girls with bpd’ and the reason that people are scared of people with disorder. i’m a total cunt who will get shat on for this and not a lot of understanding, but someone in this community must get it. professional apathetic heartless splitter clusterfuck done talking now. hope you all get some relief from this hellish disorder. i’m on meds and getting help btw, i was just untreated for so long that i’ve got a long way to go i reckon.",4.689694180059291,5.3516625520362044,6.05187548759557,78.82020361990952,69.40723981900453,9.082977063504448,29.268528631611794,9.223106411051027,2.4071821501014203,1736,62,342,33,29,588,207,442,0.225,0.648,0.126,-0.9948,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,1,4,5,13,36,18,2,28,3,24,8,4,13,6,91,72,32,0,5,10,0,8,2,0,4,0,1,0,3,25,26,0,3,17,0,0,3,4,24,0,3,10,11,30,12,59,55,19,45,1,3,2,5,13,21,8,14,20,228,55,1,0.0557631468412005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03792085205180036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798539347915866,0.1847580437944854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.491622119554968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705627338705696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508622163804972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03596261654253618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917281921174825,0.0,0.04879870558194983,0.05706505976960662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18817810404593546,0.19755838688974053,0.0,0.0,0.07366206514769942,0.0,0.0,0.05328407648392598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16917313522801522,0.039837203245357215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062085227972509,0.17480365611310333,0.0,0.031691481412077484,0.0,0.044598882589317386,0.06147906625362541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04995282657143869,0.22021825130294695,0.05722907632732487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03737686189096909,0.0,0.0,0.05538538700851645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054486113682531034,0.0,0.0,0.09869726038113164,0.0,0.0,0.1217441239879702,0.2844470000123213,0.0,0.052764437837628166,0.07444466704886586,0.05653507852499474,0.0,0.06074241443673331,0.06194028523898069,0.0,0.0,0.059155886621489635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133596543835424,0.042410385956366405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27061401349294784,0.048690228936894835,0.0,0.061211189872921276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056731167550662924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03572329976345403,0.17200140687523693,0.05505938018952501,0.05986875093231469,0.0,0.0,0.05304352227811905,0.0,0.05582863794766103,0.0,0.0,0.050764674566901424,0.058173123645806464,0.0,0.05724006889453996,0.0,0.12536022686754866,0.0,0.0,0.09449586672059597,0.0,0.11030235617183994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04662048766767219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04482030516049657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03573077287865821,0.05478700864651869,0.0,0.09754781807535604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161028049093743,0.0,0.09632290966215186,0.0,0.0,0.06578109756051233,0.08852438080341786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568274106100966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035909638299148325 bpd,novicepotter,2020/03/23,"Inpatient treatment The state of the has gotten me to a place where I feel all my progress has been undone. Over the past few months, I made it through a break-up and thought I was really on my way out of the woods, despite my ex still undeniably being my FP. Yesterday I ended up reaching out to him - which at first was okay and he talked me down from a near-relapse (I'm in recovery), but shortly after we got off the phone I called him back. When he didn't answer, I called, and called, and texted, and called, and texted. When I calmed a bit I texted him again apolozing and acknowledging that that was inappropriate and not okay and that I would leave him alone from here on out. He responded a few hours later threatening me with a restraining order. I have never felt so desperate and crazy. I still just can't wrap my head around the fact that this person has gone from being in love with me 6 months ago to now having to put up such serious boundaries because I am that out of control. I have decided to check myself into an inpatient facility because I have been seriously considering suicide. I am so terrified that I will never be able to have a normal relationship. There was potential there for a friendship someday. That's how we had left things. But my erratic emotional behavior has ruined that chance. And this is just the most recent of many times I have become persona non grata with people or institutions that once valued me. I'm good at first impressions. I'm good at getting hired. I'm good at love when it is reciprocated. But as soon as there's any element of rejection, or as soon as my impulsivity or heightened emotional statws have the opportunity to shine, I become toxic and unbearable and unlovable. Has anyone ever been hospitalized for BPD specifically? What are your experiences? I'm really hoping to be able to address the interpersonal aspect of this illness - the fixative/obsessive way in which we love, the inability to move on, the tendency toward emotional manipulation, and the emotional destruction that accompanies not getting the love we want from whom we want it.",7.397606477373557,7.812565260204085,7.82379325643301,69.32617568766639,63.48979591836735,11.511268855368234,34.13531499556345,11.20814326018867,3.984618544809228,1690,67,297,46,23,557,206,392,0.136,0.695,0.17,0.8857,0,1,0,0,0,1,41.0,5,1,0,5,23,19,1,0,23,2,33,6,1,4,5,60,54,30,1,5,10,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,21,28,0,2,6,0,1,3,6,6,0,2,15,3,41,13,53,33,5,59,0,2,1,4,28,26,0,5,26,223,62,1,0.18499200261255924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199212426865124,0.0,0.0,0.09579796201885107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290045271130631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467535475250216,0.0,0.0,0.08234105145365103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711237155671039,0.0,0.1127694077589258,0.20430913280207172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098167717215173,0.0,0.11649547566923225,0.0,0.3777950360265168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374213055962413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4161822073925924,0.0819240028896589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366792867754208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904788378686512,0.0,0.0,0.04676875745433045,0.0,0.08881066656402084,0.0,0.0,0.15735410291903454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665068610172653,0.0,0.0,0.2327437723579479,0.0739775019151574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949275824372658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186939976105284,0.0910899293860808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793991001508462,0.10049717605892003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339250098556662,0.08752195289575042,0.0,0.09377642750309956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765885155869152,0.09830861121245013,0.0,0.0,0.1426772368100176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062644251955576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985052226482714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829789938754815,0.06412508097308295,0.08076394060355581,0.09663863459472324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298402887979727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851061386455737,0.0,0.09132864248920876,0.09930608974078284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477348522503013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117561272056902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434478216373003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06145023325215791,0.0,0.0,0.07343149313358008,0.05393516219483028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911307611840412,0.14683804100490133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570650548805601,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RengSAO,2020/03/23,"I think i have BPD but no money for treatment and it's ruining my relationship Longer post ahead: He is 22m and im 21m, been in relationship for past 5 months. I never knew i had this until it got bad with my boyfriend. I was getting pissed at small things, him saying something that wasnt supposed to come up that way would trow me off the edge. Where i just sit and think of him entire day hoping he might call or play games with me and if he is late i get mad about it. Whenever he stays up to play with other people i get scared that he might end up loving them more and eventually he wont want to spend time with me and eventually leave me. I'm afraid he might cheat when he stays out with his friends drinking etc Hate when he takes 10-15 mins to reply on 1 message even tho i reply in 2-3 min on free days. Hate when he rejects my offer or smth and i feel shit that he doesnt care or such. I'm getting pissed about almost every little thing really. But i never realized all this made such big impact on him in past. To me everything seemed fine but holy shit was i wrong. He told me how bad he had it these past few months and he tried to help me but all i did was give him shit and kept pushing him away (even tho i wanted him to think im hurt and wanting him to call me) He told me that he needs time alone. He needs to sort himself out because currently he is losing hope and doesnt see us in future as much as he used to before. But theres also then my brain thinking how is it time alone if he constanly plays with other people? to me that just sounds he wants to stay the fuck away from me. I asked him when he decides to spend time with me does he hate it? He said he doesnt but to me it looks like he hates it. He said his love has faded a way comparing to before and that scares me. I dont know how to get it back. His dog died 2 days ago it it pains me that i can't be there for him because im scared to initate anything so he doesnt find me annoying. So most of the times i just wait and hope he calls me or such so we can talk or do something. I fear that if he stays away too much he simply wont care anymore or isnt he scared that i might find someone else etc ? and i told him that and his response was: I dont, id care at some point but at the end of the day im trying to help myself and id be fine with it, no im not scared because i know you wont do it. To me it looks like i already lost him and i didnt even know i had this issue. Before i used to be alone and i never really was like this. I dont remember that i was depressed as much as i am now constantly barely sleeping or doing anything really. Everything seems like a chore and im just hoping we spend time together because i love him that much. We had talk about this BPD thing and he told me that its not an excuse for being such horrible person to him which i agree but i hope he sees me in a bit lighter spot and that he doesnt hate me as much. Feels like it wasnt my choice to act like that to him at all. I try to push shit thoughts away but at the end i give it in and i lose control. Havent happened in past 2 days and i try real hard to push my fears and stuff away but its so hard. I don't have money for treatment yet, not that things work anyway, buses are off here, taxies barely work and your only way to get to city from village is by bus or car and i dont own a car.. Feels like by the time i get to the therapy it will be too late and i dont want to lose him. he is seriously best person i know and it pains me to to think he doesnt love me because i was such shit to him. i regret it so much, i just wish i could go back in time and not do all the things i did. I love him but to me it seems im just suffering and waiting to be left alone and the thoughts of that are killing me. I don't want to lose him ever but fuck me for fucking up so much in the past TL;DR I think i have BPD i fucked up pretty bad in past and now my boyfriend is losing hope and doesnt love me as much.",0.6331196556252721,1.9678263000000025,2.5209382752079392,97.57554136874364,80.38202247191009,5.657084488545163,18.412374142711226,6.251319927027446,-0.4266083467094699,3077,61,782,23,77,1026,300,890,0.222,0.6559999999999999,0.122,-0.9987,1,4,3,0,0,0,52.0,4,2,1,11,49,77,20,8,16,0,69,22,9,7,8,149,155,80,2,21,33,0,5,7,1,9,2,4,1,2,55,47,1,4,24,5,6,8,32,47,0,0,30,13,118,31,100,109,21,104,0,12,4,10,99,38,11,28,56,487,173,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032227135005441866,0.0,0.03640498258195146,0.15061416606853786,0.04011941965510217,0.029073640635763714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0360550859281422,0.0,0.0,0.059835287776549416,0.0,0.03398767240321604,0.0,0.17078688735617273,0.05591057931758133,0.09106647426992258,0.11081048822515184,0.0,0.0928080704630364,0.0,0.03815306481239431,0.0,0.03969100901252226,0.0,0.13736619664643582,0.040584985422926614,0.11136970537425817,0.0,0.1112011792298204,0.0,0.0,0.03131721691413534,0.0,0.03928759675055463,0.040776009612126386,0.02902706863971302,0.0,0.0,0.11723209627826875,0.0,0.03131311165521568,0.0,0.037731477399078665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03181511859278407,0.0,0.21304305170692225,0.035614745829325965,0.0,0.0,0.030370522790628244,0.0,0.09660107936686388,0.0,0.08109243273137813,0.07203779210478604,0.03288581259685401,0.030631245764954056,0.0,0.0653483189423605,0.0,0.0,0.0818205413253546,0.05514760377151528,0.05194503954730678,0.0,0.0,0.06645690342075009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02808832410021156,0.13444103751112688,0.1329604712651577,0.06975140156785806,0.020661782469066258,0.0,0.029076974927171626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032149225975026355,0.0,0.06513513350251435,0.1794686379983185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048736919535306185,0.0,0.0,0.21665648319593636,0.0,0.0,0.03891952941998486,0.0,0.27489276723129474,0.03794590592001952,0.0,0.0,0.040222196169966605,0.0,0.07992056906666598,0.0,0.08202162764184044,0.03849543758782385,0.039500575078462385,0.0,0.0,0.12433091241436395,0.03643796298756709,0.0,0.0,0.0610592641755421,0.20336364772296725,0.03968654185045204,0.0,0.19687463528298746,0.03440064295284628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154270612376254,0.0,0.0,0.058037546732398276,0.0,0.2138049846587924,0.053914582668643365,0.08411927268430089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02765014855776484,0.07737005741414589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082337797422392,0.050408930374415614,0.0634887909203111,0.0,0.0,0.0343678882689872,0.0,0.034818711532010174,0.03698681762163508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04138074655986013,0.0698711782379896,0.0,0.0,0.07806483340894127,0.04118392166079442,0.0,0.06916519328666633,0.028911512328985683,0.18199199302485572,0.0,0.05794157278133824,0.09929059320791464,0.0,0.0,0.1865930211079745,0.0,0.0,0.0363819562533021,0.0,0.030804067140622227,0.05597678900314231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550013582436356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041618579163121706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02733496232927779,0.058442670027436965,0.0,0.0,0.04157591206810686,0.0,0.12076556015577927,0.1397715897980901,0.0,0.05772473061225133,0.16959441108250656,0.0,0.0,0.1389577196547717,0.0,0.09873253702918977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04373143146380016,0.06279930497248529,0.0,0.0,0.12866120494958275,0.08657238875579769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041807261482753766,0.0,0.0,0.052934766063841086,0.0,0.0,0.025826046611028018,0.03974925139383217,0.0,0.0 bpd,lesbiandaisy,2020/03/23,"Does anyone else start to morph into their favorite thing? So, right now, my favorite thing is Adventure Time. Its all I watch. I find myself thinking about it a lot. I have found myself wanting to be Princess Bubblegum. Its an overwhelming urge to become her. It might mor even be a bpd thimg, i dont know..",1.9436077481840213,4.606878711864408,2.297142857142859,93.60542372881358,83.91525423728814,4.727360774818402,21.987893462469735,6.1826913282559595,0.3439181598062957,240,8,47,2,7,73,47,59,0.0,0.855,0.145,0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,3,0,6,0,0,0,1,9,11,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,9,1,5,7,2,5,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,2,3,34,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535335834106153,0.2569568984212187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769702053718319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158525062338213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21946196056199446,0.0,0.293915898351018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20949708093924024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563985707788048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22921118893620715,0.0,0.0,0.2749706995405461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378238205010095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21320680386302507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26604121363287275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21416737738735625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775055525785414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332182656853715,0.16069166947834335,0.0,0.0,0.14623362886413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791835630051806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BlackMagick66613,2020/03/23,Having Overwhelming Emotions Hey so I'm new to the bpd subreddit and being isolated from people has taken a toll on me. I have issues of respecting people's boundaries when my emotions overwhelm me and I was recently in a intensive outpatient program because of a suicide attempt but now that class has been cancelled because of the coronavirus and I'm kind of at a loss. I keep pushing away the person that loves and cares about me most when my emotions overwhelm me and he has dealt with it for a long time and it has taken a toll on him and he is at the end of his rope. I just want my emotions to not control me all of the time and manage my symptoms without having multiple crises. Do any of you have suggestions on how to cope until I am able to go back to my intensive outpatient program?,5.530000000000001,6.171121394904457,6.316439490445857,77.7402643312102,67.53503184713375,9.33732484076433,34.808280254777074,9.3871,3.2913138853503185,637,30,116,12,10,210,92,157,0.083,0.8370000000000001,0.079,0.3291,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,1,0,3,9,8,0,3,11,0,14,2,0,2,1,19,23,14,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,9,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,4,0,18,4,25,18,2,20,0,4,0,1,9,7,0,1,11,91,22,4,0.15122490578890474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028381216594384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208077700816504,0.11628261799531366,0.0,0.18437059790017502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190462474962334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418387006343032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16961159075699764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6804306587866557,0.13394038059889118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594459893915607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578395121796288,0.0,0.13441564462988406,0.0,0.1574774682636655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382928285291792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648638168900468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460539563529578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096806173652828,0.13204375471833768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931635055797285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541550213764775,0.0,0.0,0.1571805800969366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17636091736797635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919636753650137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577541270715655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thewindblewitaway,2020/03/23,"I just want to look incredibly sexy and have people want to fuck me, without them actually wanting to fuck me. Is that too much to ask? I want them to want to fuck me, but also see me as a separate entity that is entirely unfuckable. I don’t want to get with anyone, but at the same time I want to look like the hottest thing on earth. Like.. I want to put on a halloween costume of some irresistible person, for forever, but make it clear that I am not that person. Idk.",4.428750000000001,4.6444260416666685,5.7687500000000025,82.20125,69.83333333333334,9.733333333333334,28.5,9.725611199111238,2.3430125,364,12,79,8,6,123,59,96,0.067,0.711,0.222,0.8671,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,0,3,5,3,0,4,0,5,3,0,1,1,20,22,6,0,8,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,3,12,2,17,22,3,5,0,0,3,3,5,3,3,1,3,55,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.1457429824705206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943426129662235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044282233492186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962106079265274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4142119541611842,0.07802863605240477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592865717957282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508309228790062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969155040052348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978862573563868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353972241466154,0.2608113974847538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501368948485589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901173695789255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922077285041346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870865445672745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7047188052894083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396700998154136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,skeletonfck,2020/03/23,"It just gets worse A year ago around this time I tried to commit suicide and failed. I hadn't told anyone for a month then got into a huge argument with my mom resulting in me taking her car and running away for a week. I told her after a month of hiding it that I failed to off myself and was hospitalized. It's been a year and we haven't talked about the agrument since it happened, but I can't open up to her like I used to. I've been on 7 different medicines since then, only getting horrible side effects or worsened depression. Right now I'm not on anything after the last one made me vomit everyday. I'm in the same spot I was a year ago, but this time its worse, I lost my best friend/fp because I told her how I had feelings for her, I have migraines everyday and I dont know how to tolerate the pain, and my brother is telling me how I'm a coward and failure because I wasn't successful with my attempt last year. I'm so tired and I feel like its never going to get better.",3.5741614906832315,4.183653748792274,4.8266701173222915,86.79271739130438,71.89855072463769,7.846652864044168,27.82919254658385,7.957251820313856,1.5697801242236027,774,27,168,10,14,257,117,207,0.24600000000000002,0.667,0.086,-0.9890000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,1,0,0,8,8,10,0,0,12,0,12,4,0,7,2,32,32,17,1,0,5,2,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,9,14,0,0,4,0,0,3,7,5,0,1,13,2,28,5,24,19,2,37,0,4,0,0,13,13,0,1,23,109,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256016693540843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897725317144121,0.0,0.10471719566750312,0.1132808719740455,0.0,0.0,0.1195570344209449,0.0,0.0,0.1551427461442913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354266693575592,0.11254366847786876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960158668920794,0.0,0.0,0.1329508015747594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913788675677891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286844297476913,0.09090854364309367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831424365362074,0.0,0.19945107219069666,0.0,0.07231999704697904,0.0,0.10177470138485913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252813889883333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993413234733578,0.2074540194433785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433737411594545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891011551043628,0.0,0.0,0.12040850785689515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490354952572788,0.20314197066903072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814425193358108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622895391209727,0.09678054955035313,0.13540463733205915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867214143566332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105276195180076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919255862242447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567734041786137,0.10227998794706157,0.1112234768712496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840282205847488,0.14625695479731882,0.0,0.3647829715369487,0.0,0.08639545979493653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990449533969264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020735299501864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593604327971517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277833436669569 bpd,leafyhat,2020/03/23,"Any sources to learn more about BPD. Sorry this is kinda long. Tl;dr, I wanna learn more about BPD, if you know anyplace I can look to learn more about day-to-day life with BPD I’d appreciate it very much. So. I do not have BPD, but I am a writer, and quite recently I’ve realised that the protagonist for my story shows a lot of signs of BPD. He was initially meant to suffer with depression and controlling his anger, though that, along with his feelings towards relationship, history with his family, and etc seem to point more towards BPD. Now, I’m still early stages and I can easily change this if this doesn’t work out, though I have Never seen a single book, movie or whatever that talks about BPD, especially in a non-stigmatised and/or positive light. So I thought perhaps I could educate myself and put out a non-shitty character with BPD out there in the world. Obviously I’m not going to be writing the next New York’s Bestseller or anything, but it’s a step in a better direction, right? So I bring this up to ask if any of you know any good sources to learn about the ins and outs of the disorder, from how it all works to what day-to-day life is like living with BPD. So far I’ve looked into the very vague descriptions on places like Better Health and WebMD, and obviously they just give me a list of symptoms and treatments. I also know a bit from the mental-health side of YouTube, but the people I follow are either training to be psychologists and do not focus on one single disorder, or focus on things like anxiety or depression (stuff that I’ve struggled with) though have mentioned BPD in passing for one reason or another. Regardless of whether this storyline comes to light or not I’d love to be more educated on BPD, just so I’m not another ignorant person y’all have to deal with. Thanks in advance :)",7.682406885758997,6.731851664788735,7.690962441314558,75.04962050078252,63.33802816901408,11.381846635367765,33.806729264475734,10.62613485830676,3.359879499217528,1451,50,280,31,18,469,184,355,0.107,0.7829999999999999,0.11,0.051,0,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,3,1,7,20,14,1,1,17,0,18,5,0,3,4,72,39,33,0,6,21,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,15,25,0,2,12,2,0,8,7,6,0,2,4,6,21,8,56,31,13,41,0,3,3,1,17,24,0,12,11,185,36,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04724091305840387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051565094417298,0.12388705447644155,0.04519092848899155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048612309395463765,0.0,0.05522558035207912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449110287326913,0.06449276612624798,0.0,0.8184085712621848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249174024246861,0.050886434898419805,0.0,0.0,0.06625575204316007,0.04716523957657371,0.0,0.0,0.1523896188253384,0.06090199953103584,0.10175952876520647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540628632280047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588236768059078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055689069173159036,0.0,0.029869245797683762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05666851183947781,0.03357272938333451,0.04954789851771019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255843545894354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739545613214927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345046654455264,0.08658072145766414,0.0,0.05216282427176284,0.05227802971036661,0.09921342244213677,0.0,0.0,0.0502220246041453,0.05331597812445911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05953201286715315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043425687628258686,0.0,0.04556098652154965,0.057053381044625685,0.06282514652017822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005922159588344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04095400240752044,0.05158054489330404,0.061719046803435276,0.0,0.05584338205374238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059385003259530174,0.0,0.06283174782671755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060737212117980326,0.05832777733175325,0.06342263864013853,0.0,0.05044829293282417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05377813234120767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612774589178692,0.0,0.0,0.04717603005657954,0.0,0.0,0.06175626077586518,0.06762481880032654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061399798766247,0.0,0.04748089735743223,0.0,0.05438677676221446,0.0,0.0,0.03924568924299597,0.0,0.17411771236837909,0.04689761792024566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748335213634056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601216176252624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bminusmusic,2020/03/23,"Daydreaming about going back in time (dissociation) I’m 22 and I really have made all the wrong choices in my life. Because of my horribly unstable identity and self-image I have constantly changed my major, career interests, etc and I’m left jobless with no prospects. Also about relationship decisions because I kept getting back with my ex. I had a mental breakdown a few months ago because of all this, I realized how many stupid decisions I had made, and since then I have been basically daydreaming about going back in time and redoing literally everything. It’s a coping mechanism for the intense despair, anxiety and depression I feel about the life I’ve created. It’s gotten to the point where I literally believe sometimes I will wake up and it’ll be 5/6 years in the past. I hate the life I’ve created for myself so much. And I’m only wasting more time being in this state but I can’t snap out of it. I don’t know if I ever will.",3.514192395190122,5.914245138121551,5.382242443938904,75.43818004549888,75.51933701657457,9.34169645758856,30.53656158596035,9.773937934552695,3.5408788430289238,754,36,133,23,17,258,107,181,0.11800000000000001,0.838,0.044000000000000004,-0.8779,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,12,6,2,0,9,0,13,4,1,3,3,25,26,14,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,6,11,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,7,1,19,1,19,14,7,26,0,2,0,0,2,10,0,1,13,91,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246408297822304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195021879855136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431647870257812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34471619724344155,0.0,0.2732804458969497,0.0,0.0,0.16836076558083088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808118866722193,0.0,0.0,0.161484893866664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870714756066415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16665823282804038,0.0,0.13517146367185218,0.0,0.0,0.13430149998450872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755582395684737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807301382833105,0.0,0.16985339013214962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753497977268906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212493051838142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623603045693459,0.0,0.31664862176214525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827958254334792,0.0,0.15150245935171255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059416366511094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927666553224052,0.0,0.10985106659425983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365116918700592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14265150922241585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126328023513976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573114447747627,0.0,0.0,0.16043602027634493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589208559451204,0.0,0.0,0.12361321678551775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779388892980985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614082217339815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633824456957072,0.0,0.09623049368094826 bpd,climbingoutpodcast,2020/03/23,"An uptick in people who have given up hope...let's give up together. I have been in this sub a long time -- yes I have a young account. I go through Reddit accounts like tissues because I get paranoid about people figuring out my real identity and i delete and start over a lot. Anyway. I have noticed after having been here for a long time that there's been more and more posts where people aren't just sad -- they are done. Like, truthfully giving up hope of ever recovering and living a happy life. I'm there now. I talked to two people in the last hour who are there, too. Are there more of us? Is it a sign of the times? Maybe we should talk to each other. If you want to be part of a group support chat, comment here. Let me know how you're doing and why you have given up.",1.3715801886792462,3.4839370188679264,2.757323113207548,92.99372051886795,81.32704402515724,5.232861635220126,18.742531446540877,6.322622252153567,-0.11596572327044052,602,14,129,5,16,195,103,159,0.013000000000000001,0.82,0.16699999999999998,0.9702,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,2,2,1,0,14,7,0,0,10,1,19,1,0,1,2,21,31,7,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,2,1,2,1,1,1,0,1,6,0,14,6,20,22,6,24,0,1,0,0,14,10,0,3,14,95,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782403032708243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743412616591134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032000170274938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527088202393706,0.2764110737516641,0.0818785766238947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15336571006142238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861889979237547,0.14188040674997265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917737068361946,0.11743667395267925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946436635871057,0.10176124409264913,0.14077112319505494,0.0,0.12721687758203,0.2549956908484962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248357417728697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473816638227505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640252018504241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15601429548439785,0.0,0.3995213360095631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797969968889226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398375275841304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197383067616336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348947885139106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23159679679672585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520259748328755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073592940044513,0.0,0.17329905429708922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497650467926213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300012038117867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,anonbabie,2020/03/23,Can teenagers have BPD? I’m 17 and almost certain I have bpd. Ive been struggling for years and showed signs even before I knew what bpd was. I really want to mention it to my psychologist but i’m scared that they won’t believe me or think “it’s just a teenager thing” All perspectives welcome! I feel like i’m going crazy,0.577121212121213,3.0603503484848464,1.93060606060606,94.28257575757576,90.96969696969695,4.751515151515153,20.96969696969697,6.42735559955562,0.3238606060606064,257,9,54,3,9,82,51,66,0.132,0.715,0.153,0.1007,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,2,1,0,7,0,0,0,2,13,15,4,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,1,8,3,3,11,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,30,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080901209430236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17682966485578866,0.2341289341616909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7851823142421003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725550559650687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050741842154858,0.14845838117703325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810231753875412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152470021698967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312739904256113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20805248706796173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172464870782252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805868447813455,0.13315524855244587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257079388498855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382181318578534 bpd,Terriblecorona,2020/03/23,"I'm turning into a monster I'm having a really terrible Corona. My bf and I are staying with his brother and his girlfriend. My bf is a hardcore conspiracy theorist and him and his brother keep going out and ignore the warnings. They want to argue with us all the time about Corona and insist it's a government conspiracy to keep us inside. I lose my temper about 20 times a day. I feel so angry with my bf who watches these dumb videos with a smug fucking face on and grins and goes ""yeah,"" when something is said by some loud guy who's pulling facts out of his ass. I feel so hopeless and tired. My friend and I keep trying to quarantine ourselves but our boyfriends just go and see friends whenever they like. I feel like a horrible monster and I say such mean things to my boyfriend. I keep thinking I'll be able to calm down and wait to break up with him tillafter Corona, or somehow get over it, but I can't. This week I found out that he believes in some antisemitic conspiracy theories too and I'm jewish and it really gets to me that he doesn't realize why those conspiracies are awful. He keeps telling me that I need to ""do research"" on something but when I type it in and I see the words New World Order anywhere I just see red. Today he was watching this guy on Youtube who is supermanipulative and awful, who claimed that the government is trying to keep us inside and told citizens to ignore the Corona measures. It made me so angry. He kept watching this asshole and going ""yeah,"" and ""that's right"" whenever he pulled a fact out of his ass. I called him retarted and said that the Youtube guy deserved to get beaten to shit. I feel so bad and so locked in. I don't want to hurt him like this but I can't stop getting mean. I keep yelling at him and flipping my lid.",3.8115952008346383,5.252981343661972,4.661721439749608,85.05864371413669,72.1830985915493,7.512780386019823,28.641105894627024,8.045849151850463,1.8161591027647368,1407,55,283,20,27,455,171,355,0.187,0.7340000000000001,0.079,-0.9919,0,1,2,0,1,1,32.0,4,0,2,2,14,21,6,0,14,4,14,6,4,1,3,72,53,35,0,3,7,2,4,3,6,0,1,5,0,4,22,33,0,12,9,1,0,5,4,14,0,0,7,16,45,7,38,45,3,34,1,3,7,3,45,17,5,4,12,176,67,5,0.09033060889999583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754222853194421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177166332398782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223765125442847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058255769875673324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826954799638057,0.06453220504706611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904285021797826,0.13957840872274624,0.08350919236000623,0.18877605956742266,0.0,0.15401090012269988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26832451370728905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670078508953617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5620299694176171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239291819972182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105684568418632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854730062439267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19679302883502373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697900192435756,0.0,0.08724186496126793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573620221754362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714184644253468,0.1718501891303893,0.07183452580243982,0.0,0.0,0.21594540044981175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927230719501158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908183177095773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628041021744348,0.0,0.07552043377731503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895293366134976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600116427556025,0.057880206792991815,0.0,0.0,0.10534500893820348,0.10382174676117016,0.08562285515632895,0.08631476783714745,0.0,0.12265710797240242,0.0982537633958742,0.0,0.0,0.32596980117651925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655866702918636,0.0,0.07245776580124205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150932450481357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sadgirlsag,2020/03/23,Quarantined with an abusive parent? Anyone else stuck in the fucking house with an abusive parent? I am seriously starting to lose my mind and was just wondering how the hell are you coping and dealing with being yelled at and bullied all day long. Seriously can’t take it. I really wish I had a job so I can move out 🙁,2.80952380952381,5.087425746031748,4.612936507936507,80.69178571428574,77.25396825396825,7.374603174603175,26.37301587301588,8.344100000000001,2.0355206349206347,254,10,47,5,6,86,51,63,0.33799999999999997,0.622,0.04,-0.9704,3,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,3,5,2,0,5,0,7,1,0,1,1,13,13,5,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,3,1,6,0,7,9,1,7,1,1,0,1,4,3,2,1,3,33,7,1,0.0,0.4684171720901091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821661631386006,0.20253796890052825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748186362427816,0.2037907951606591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651293019363416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18274425854352133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280865483862461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19615861499251586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17493319309949704,0.0,0.2211440179626029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19959202031337986,0.0,0.0,0.21009368480926607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43898195698896825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663352298816602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991301385063307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862448298989134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273126462823864,0.0,0.21436647625491265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,alexia66,2020/03/23,"God, I think I’m doing so much better & then I sign up for a sugar daddy website only several hours later I’m questioning myself is that something someone does for fun?? Or does it indicate underlying unresolved problems hmmmmmm",6.652857142857144,8.405151904761906,8.974761904761909,55.65357142857143,65.66666666666667,11.314285714285715,37.80952380952381,11.20814326018867,5.3717523809523815,188,10,25,6,3,68,36,42,0.091,0.711,0.198,0.7039,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,4,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,3,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092435812798741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524235557825773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4995316036636585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810731450078842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20981052323130844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170685457342813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731005603388494,0.0,0.0,0.3197265512986933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32243411063403754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418285038486084,0.2197239584156695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18288036601958696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wundeulotrvkirrgbhjo,2020/03/23,"Tinder I recently got a tinder and I got quite a few matches pretty quickly I’ve had it for 2 and a half weeks I believe and I have about 60 matches (I’m a man so I think that’s a good amount lol) but I end up talking to the girls then every time they try to make plans I always find an excuse not to or they stop talking to me for like a little bit then I unadd them because obviously they didn’t care, anyone else have issues with tinder?",0.8298958333333317,2.556103031250004,3.1970833333333366,91.13958333333336,81.1875,5.1000000000000005,20.041666666666664,5.82211442006289,-0.0612208333333335,345,9,76,2,9,119,67,96,0.032,0.815,0.153,0.8595,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,4,2,3,3,0,0,8,1,4,0,0,1,1,12,10,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,13,3,9,6,3,10,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,9,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718253831710496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443903079158035,0.21158468839796166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588109931599675,0.0,0.0,0.2326559243941249,0.0,0.0,0.22544562015219796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105415427560534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250509662577465,0.0,0.18289860253878829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398600764560446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18873818249819332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17320325021719152,0.3303154446155788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155334042950834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088596295196817,0.2069682622637078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784102800254272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21008576611229549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21963924335811308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038948353822367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726440912650895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319553802103888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231750937073078,0.0,0.0,0.12041239984847638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020063103411542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564265465874106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,trashflower7,2020/03/23,"Experiences with tegretol (carbamazepine)? Right now, I don't feel like sharing my life story, but here are the basic: recovered from EDs, have PTSD, I'm a quiet borderline, diagnosed, going to DBT therapy, etc. I have been on medication before - but I was on a combo of 4 meds. (always 2 antidepressants, tegretol, and something to put me to sleep) In October 2020 it would have been 2y that I'm off meds. However, I am thinking about going back to taking tegretol bc that was prescribed to me as a mood stabiliser. However, other than in my country (Eastern Europe), I really haven't read much or heard about people who have BPD and take tegretol. From what I see, it's mostly used for people who have epilepsy and I read a study that said that it helps with impulsivity but worsens depression - which is not what I need rn. I am interested in all experiences with the medication, but specifically if there are people who just take tegretol and no antidepressants. Any info will help. Thanks 💞🍃",4.899836065573774,7.028451114754107,6.061989071038251,73.33068852459017,70.63934426229507,9.25158469945355,29.686338797814212,9.725611199111238,3.1531460109289617,786,32,134,20,15,262,117,183,0.083,0.838,0.079,0.0333,2,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,6,0,18,5,1,1,1,23,33,11,0,3,8,0,1,1,0,2,4,3,0,0,14,7,0,0,3,2,0,3,4,1,0,0,6,5,13,4,22,25,4,12,0,1,1,0,8,7,0,3,3,94,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831440505049508,0.0,0.0,0.09669483959863537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933619667229973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209941728235362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908474181424056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246900590707195,0.1443209967711416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858068869919822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781804053123314,0.0,0.0,0.07189610416684783,0.10158136670046602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616209840220865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906154250073616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043379528391813,0.06946740035915433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158845659741765,0.28648519436647113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045268361439642,0.10543291602614643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957322635212391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621381366311502,0.14294135209222006,0.0,0.0,0.28445920392532953,0.0,0.09109127442185623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143044214458346,0.13525631943667926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330791550447522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229381175391204,0.0,0.0,0.10946567333468568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32073008583447216,0.0,0.0,0.1309104821019113,0.1626079412587785,0.0,0.0,0.09111033020876162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228074765663582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010084941346121,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,notsurehowthisgoes,2020/03/23,"DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness advice? Online resources? Books? ""Tutorials""? Any advice or direction would be very helpful. I'm currently struggling with (mostly irrational) fear of abandonment.",9.902435897435897,13.781208730769231,9.246153846153849,36.490512820512826,96.30769230769228,12.502564102564106,42.794871794871796,9.2995712137729,8.538379487179489,161,10,12,7,6,51,25,26,0.301,0.61,0.09,-0.8056,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,6,0,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6793618604997916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363870411033132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911584225834676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23299597213860326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633979397706737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868150442013948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469325059526682,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Quistiadess,2020/03/23,"It's just that everything sucks. I hate feeling like I can't go anywhere on top of can't get away from the people I live with, have no money to distract myself with, no food to binge, my boyfriend is pissed at me cuz I complain constantly... My brain is trying to run away from itself very hard. I want to do all the wrong things very very much.",2.331596244131457,3.9760444366197234,2.985563380281693,94.73402582159626,76.46478873239437,5.860093896713615,21.6924882629108,6.42735559955562,0.16395586854460076,269,7,60,2,6,84,53,71,0.297,0.612,0.09,-0.951,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,1,7,3,1,2,0,6,3,2,1,1,7,12,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,0,1,2,4,6,0,0,0,2,9,1,13,12,2,8,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,2,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4009263788972978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381856050997565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305714763090653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19175846347286446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788361949819143,0.15242780732300992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580014811157508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147426627508507,0.0,0.12126009430704406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19113289095560132,0.2106535000202848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423923068882072,0.0,0.1884049675644063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684762823498133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792024018911018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14175004732004215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448606475416339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5281447483066704,0.12584804714696513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332808401146774,0.0,0.0 bpd,head0nfire,2020/03/23,"Rage and forgiveness How do you forgive yourself after saying something extremely nasty/hurtful in a bout of rage? When you say something that you know will hurt someone (and it does), and afterwards you can't really explain where it came from or why you were so angry. But you said it, and you can never take it back",5.930499999999999,7.020082383333335,5.796666666666668,80.22000000000001,66.83333333333334,8.666666666666668,31.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.632166666666667,253,10,45,4,4,79,46,60,0.212,0.728,0.06,-0.9125,0,0,2,0,0,0,7.0,0,7,0,0,5,5,2,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,1,13,10,9,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,3,7,2,4,6,0,8,0,1,0,0,13,2,0,1,5,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18953441569229051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28191714007028235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21570371783889125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5277420021520786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354636148000225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901071006749036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790682315353186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23446697665875185,0.392035043309353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20884887753642,0.379517727254348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185328650723577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224175019282676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yellowpages2k8,2020/03/24,Anyone on Mirtazepine? Have you put on weight and are breaking out like a mo fo?!,1.1156250000000014,3.6526993125000047,1.5425000000000004,98.2525,87.125,3.2,20.5,3.1291,-0.5730249999999999,63,2,13,0,2,19,15,16,0.0,0.816,0.184,0.4857,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895988626321228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722139525081748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5601279194084351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6785049772807944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,whatsthepointofthiis,2020/03/24,"I have anxiety, depression, BPD, and a scary fear that one day I’ll end up like someone on the news who lost their mind had no control and went off, even though it’s never happened to me before. I also keep self hating when I’m hurt and wanting to harm myself. Any advice? I’ll start off by saying thanks if you choose to read my post. I know there is so much going on in the world right now but I am struggling really badly and can’t see my psychiatrist or my therapist right now. Hoping they can do over the phone soon. I had a really bad experience yesterday where I was bullied by someone in health care and made to feel like actual human trash. It was honestly the worst experience of my life even more worse than the 12 years of school I was bullied for. Idk why but coming from an adult and someone supposed to be in the caring profession it stings a lot more. I ended up calling my family hyperventilating that I wanted to kill myself and I truly felt like I was genuinely insane and needed to be locked up. I then calmed down when I got home and of course went into my usual routine where someone hurts me or does something wrong and I find ways to blame it on myself and make it all about what ever I did to make them treat me that way which is unfortunately something I’ve done for my whole life. It’s always my fault no matter what. As a kid if I felt like I didn’t deserve something (which happened a lot) I would throw the blanket off my bed thinking I didn’t deserve to be warm. It was bad and traumatic. This past few weeks I’m really not well and my anxiety is heightened, I’m getting angry easily and my mood swings are getting tough. I hate that I am this way, why can’t I just be normal? Why can’t I react normally? Why do I have to punish myself for someone else’s Behavior? I have never in my life attempted to kill myself or harm myself. But a few weeks ago I got so upset over something and was mean to my partner that I broke and scratched my face and arms because I was so upset over what I did (it was me taking out my anger and feelings on them) I have a very big heart that I wear on my sleeve, I love LOVE. I truly care so much for people (and my amazing cats) and I definitely have the tendency to put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own or do without to help others. And that has it’s downfalls as I sometimes I expect the same in return but sadly not everyone cares for you as much as you care for them. I get hurt a lot. I’ve just download the DBT book so I’m gonna go through that but has anyone else ever felt this way and have any advice or tips on how I can get through this? I really appreciate it thanks.",3.2973722627737203,4.357223153284672,4.7183284671532855,85.63570437956206,72.94160583941607,7.596788321167883,24.466423357664233,7.993328176185818,1.2104940145985401,2080,59,440,29,40,695,254,548,0.242,0.625,0.134,-0.9973,0,0,4,0,0,2,38.0,0,3,5,4,24,47,6,4,19,0,42,10,4,6,5,80,92,49,2,11,17,0,7,4,1,2,4,1,2,5,29,25,0,2,10,2,0,7,12,26,1,1,24,9,75,20,61,62,15,64,0,7,1,2,20,29,0,11,27,306,104,3,0.0,0.0,0.06109444351003586,0.0,0.0,0.1223557543696094,0.05549645840597253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05006601076950838,0.05209322306551828,0.0,0.0,0.0851484795337716,0.0,0.09578686633836957,0.0,0.0,0.04377558414212308,0.0641472648950291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682023241116316,0.03816404808987351,0.0,0.053273111011582316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885008929367847,0.0,0.06392774516407031,0.0,0.31915504417735463,0.0,0.0,0.053929541846417725,0.0,0.0,0.07021797379812977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0403757029835467,0.0,0.053922472420890384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0547869491150045,0.06406769377502836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689788631845195,0.0,0.11090070075315828,0.0,0.0,0.08270137018646513,0.11326145688220432,0.0,0.11964546813900208,0.0,0.12248139945602445,0.059019382913287836,0.07044917687610064,0.06331096860617938,0.04472575247763919,0.18033478850338688,0.0,0.05722076715563785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308362438221143,0.0,0.07116088669961906,0.0,0.10014350511423384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072459167133454,0.0,0.0,0.12362096478223585,0.0,0.06654727059977858,0.0,0.07418843394254551,0.041963494852546315,0.0,0.06279894163242508,0.06218190305590434,0.0,0.0,0.20106311454041706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055647106253500674,0.13852856832396002,0.0,0.03440663074952937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266144808340527,0.12234455411060526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683418652855301,0.1596761956054332,0.11300875288612518,0.059239328921077625,0.0835800076426269,0.0,0.0,0.06819630826639747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321423221274841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380678825014542,0.0928431396101606,0.09657124277158928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226812121927359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042423458725941325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059764529147214175,0.04340313073658165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05995926029290125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293634098611096,0.0,0.0,0.06262296107053761,0.0,0.16042807554176985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693039629253204,0.0,0.04978681912457877,0.0,0.06336063359641952,0.049888891508556216,0.0,0.06531173167475474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265229383641403,0.19278868829563792,0.06191895361551345,0.0,0.044312862474424806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544940427519966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04707193486729215,0.0,0.0,0.1152784218090588,0.0,0.07269041340898487,0.0,0.040115409050253986,0.06151009579218016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689516850086874,0.05165652230167443,0.07385330413579659,0.1987749752242648,0.10043754419814103,0.0,0.05629032975503417,0.1160728136581432,0.2259687775902277,0.06989738441548625,0.0,0.060349968207938434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380088193536933,0.04447351963795743,0.06844985371097545,0.0,0.04031622361231997 bpd,darth__baeder,2020/03/24,"Breakdowns and Body Aches??? Hey everyone, I hope you’re having a good day. Does anyone else get really bad body aches and pains after having a really bad/loud meltdown. I always feel exhausted and sometimes sore afterwards and was wondering if anyone else goes through this?",6.353749999999998,8.927900208333337,6.052500000000002,73.0425,67.75,9.8,28.66666666666667,10.125756701596842,3.4636916666666675,222,8,33,6,4,69,36,48,0.297,0.601,0.102,-0.8755,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,3,5,2,0,0,8,7,5,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,2,2,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16132081538878826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27112597425757096,0.3972988603454817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237576313296396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4307062671695732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503433160603733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16966266980218464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32391794894109044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18525734579219275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802980577490224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129249206390893,0.0,0.0,0.16261444634877092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19256315338347688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062983116870979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484045566263231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917488590159248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102508412982595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ps1s,2020/03/24,"How to pick yourself up after an episode? I would say ""forgive yourself"" but ugh. I've been committed to recovering the past few weeks. I had gone 2 weeks without an episode, and was very proud/happy 2 days ago. Then, I did everything possibly wrong yesterday with my girlfriend and I had a fairly bad episode. Could have been a lot worse but I really didn't get anything right. I'm pmsing and it's ALWAYS what trips me up. I'm always very depressed/suicidal and highly anxious and irritable when pmsing and the first/last days of my period. It's literal hell. I think I might have PMDD but I can't do anything about it rn and fuck up every month when it comes back round to this. My gf says I can't see this as failing because it doesn't negate how well I was doing before (I've been fine even though I've been under undue amounts of stress with the pandemic as I am chronically ill and at a high risk). I also know it's normal to relapse when trying to recover. But god I just fucking hate myself so much. I'm so tired. The cycles are always like this. I'm not even overtly feeling anything. Instead it's like a thick fog, or more like sludge, in my brain. I've spent most of the day/night staring at the wall feeling nothing but just. Done? I don't have the urge to threaten to leave or kill myself etc. but instead have that feeling of 'I should just slink off and kill myself' without saying anything. The future looks pretty bleak for me anyway which doesn't help. I don't know any tips for moving on would be great because I honestly don't want to do this ruminating thing to my gf Again but god it's hard.",2.04405389908257,4.229829226299697,3.3708476681957187,89.09599627293579,79.36697247706422,6.167010703363914,23.368597094801224,7.292943589461545,0.9450734709480124,1275,43,260,17,32,415,179,327,0.24,0.664,0.096,-0.9954,0,0,0,0,0,2,35.0,0,0,0,1,21,20,6,2,14,0,33,6,1,3,1,47,53,30,2,6,15,0,6,3,3,4,3,3,0,0,16,12,0,0,7,0,1,4,12,12,1,0,13,12,27,8,32,34,7,35,1,1,4,2,8,14,3,5,20,169,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851922435963729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985742815655382,0.2492727553758808,0.0,0.0,0.06790773303581431,0.0,0.0,0.11281255978710834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287027073564845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678562046943611,0.0833783256064515,0.12174657743478393,0.0,0.0849728901882974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147597916097757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601992544089519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797295074783244,0.0,0.0,0.19320291855024085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219071130610984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136949104544258,0.13191222201662642,0.0,0.08413574820800239,0.0,0.0897470796738084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147555345279154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494025044747511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18463658591712095,0.05217235096580298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009520600273864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630205779838678,0.08945429829909479,0.09859036262335512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693356878008035,0.21101361871453914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22095899039150715,0.0,0.10976009476125463,0.08139863922103784,0.0,0.10573655635487264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635859673161064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385664291716438,0.0,0.0,0.08489678674804424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593491282056508,0.0,0.0,0.07970672260535397,0.10613460853735207,0.07340805893474797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371116730185748,0.09784088983984914,0.09581767000241548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953269797079698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257633127442404,0.0,0.10159278529865116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397241022383175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527927738236449,0.0,0.23823631663134975,0.0,0.0,0.07957491536116162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143884650127058,0.0,0.0,0.10922984179298842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634206678652367,0.06398579289549583,0.09811123315257904,0.0,0.0,0.1147735496189209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779789450262376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478872413121132,0.058899589147417976,0.0,0.16020217801951522,0.0,0.08978548310981209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19252156009006005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176513501214507,0.14187433129864066,0.1091804437988083,0.0,0.0 bpd,The-She-Creature,2020/03/24,"I'm having a ""moment"" I'm (25f) a fashion student at a local uni with a group of people that I find very uncomfortable to be around. I'm currently near the end of my 2nd year. In January I started developing severe wrist pain in my right hand, to the point where I couldn't do my uni work. So we changed it that I'd do two written modules in term time and the two practical modules in the summer, and continue onto my 3rd and final year in September. However now with Corona, that may not be possible. Now the pain has started in my left wrist and I can't see my doctor or physio until this is all over. It's hard to anything without pain and I get weirdly claustrophobic about my wrist and thumb splints which makes me irritated and agitated. On top of all this my sister (who's my closest friend) has started seeing a guy and they're together everyday, she cancels plans and leaves me hanging almost daily. I'm at my wits end, work is closed so there's no escape there, video games can't distract me, crime documentaries are only temporary relief, I can't crack on with work without pain and frustration, I don't feel I have anyone to speak too. I'm getting told to ""join tinder"" ""be happy with your own company"" ""broaden your horizons"" and it's all infuriating me. I don't want a therapist, I don't want prescription drugs, just want to have a some sense knocked into me or a change of perspective or something.",5.227526881720428,5.8940421648745565,6.230627240143374,77.99927419354842,68.21146953405018,9.354121863799284,31.62903225806452,9.444778638647367,2.814449462365591,1120,45,215,22,18,373,158,279,0.141,0.7759999999999999,0.083,-0.9257,2,1,2,0,0,0,34.0,1,2,0,5,11,10,1,1,13,0,21,10,4,1,3,39,40,17,0,4,7,1,3,0,1,1,6,1,0,1,10,19,0,0,2,2,0,1,11,7,0,2,2,6,29,3,33,33,6,42,0,0,2,0,12,23,0,6,18,138,39,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642606911055725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129761156136067,0.0,0.09567903698677163,0.10350358095830854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459932309484076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190056969215387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348345023875866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20595869291981292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05878882754149175,0.0,0.0,0.12736641626562964,0.10626726730496798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982872483263428,0.0,0.12149094451674693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512405645078595,0.0,0.12376993912412496,0.10415370392799958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311151274284927,0.12632602346778266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761010079917452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842740412405772,0.4948713617049214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806059115445178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099112772758955,0.131075220529402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099292630723888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853018207556813,0.0,0.0,0.13135026683838105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950914192028682,0.0,0.0,0.2468862461495686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13499664503327322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779707482694028,0.0,0.0,0.11109949740775747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271547845668246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593365724276587,0.20573445277150204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22415729540834828,0.0,0.2539344738687792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974615421300394 bpd,bpdthrowaway25,2020/03/24,Why do people say we have problems empathizing? I feel like I can put myself in almost anyone's headspace regardless of the situation. I don't have to agree but I can see where they might be coming from. If anything I think I can empathize MORE with other people because of my emotions. It's demonizing and belittling to be told that I lack the ability to understand how my actions might impact another person.,5.294718614718615,7.245778493506499,6.272142857142858,72.95202380952381,69.25974025974024,9.28917748917749,32.31385281385281,9.725611199111238,3.5144995670995662,332,15,54,8,6,110,58,77,0.087,0.8490000000000001,0.064,-0.1668,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,11,0,0,1,0,16,17,4,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,3,12,1,8,12,2,5,1,0,1,0,5,2,0,4,1,43,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21587182340270128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260540014793931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073826489297898,0.0,0.1774036376349324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141531982034987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857027318701143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424980275012029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900352038028216,0.15401010532775064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532130048718176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4573917638354233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29891149353549823,0.1882357865540524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062805571987772,0.0,0.21671703587458133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143754621330362,0.0,0.0,0.17178902556773773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423204965578497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813469938117245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20599554092788264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244259606128844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19452705270220527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lilryles,2020/03/24,"How to deal with feeling angry/confrontational? Honestly since being laid off last week my mood has improved. I’ve been trying hard to keep busy and active. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, its only 11am and I feel ready to tear someone’s head off. I’m going to try exercising, but does anyone have tips for controlling misdirected anger? Most of the arguments I get in are a result of this, I’m just ready to pick a fight",2.535340909090909,4.56113185227273,4.120454545454546,85.11318181818183,77.06818181818181,7.127272727272729,21.227272727272727,8.07648339933343,1.0088590909090909,345,9,70,6,8,115,70,88,0.17,0.701,0.129,-0.7818,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,2,0,5,0,5,2,1,4,0,13,13,4,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,3,4,1,15,10,1,10,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,3,37,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18014215593773947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28895598844569337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656070896508124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254553382722599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605327742102988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460199046340088,0.0,0.1464180981216813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23078750302928114,0.0,0.2644045699269237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22899499546725866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100043156449949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19594060535053315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131157004326734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21829060159233726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24420483740598706,0.0,0.0,0.34983018324255294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20665670262907002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816799470016156,0.0,0.0 bpd,relentlessraisin,2020/03/24,"I've been struggling for basically my whole life I'm not asking for a diagnosis. I just want to share my experience. I BELIEVE I have borderline personality. It's not something I'm boasting proudly. It's just something I've thought for a long time. My mom has BPD. She wasn't a terrible parent but she wasn't there for me, emotionally, growing up. It's not her fault really because she had a lot of trauma from my grandmother she never dealt with and she tried to be the best parent she could but she wasn't prepared to handle having a kid with mental health issues. I think I was born with depression. Or a chemical imbalance or whatever. I was bulimic from the time I was 13 and it always felt like it was a coping skill to deal with my emotions. It was always brushed under the rug because no one knew how to deal with it, which is fair. I was in therapy early on and when I was about 15 they started me in a DBT group as well as individual therapy. They can't diagnose you that early on but I never felt like my emotions were right. I would be REALLY happy or REALLY sad or REALLY angry. My emotions became desperate and unbearable and I lost a lot of very healthy and supportive friendships because of them. But it's not fair and honestly abusive to expect someone to be there for you because you can't deal with your shit and threaten to harm or kill yourself as a result. Them ending their friendship with me was totally valid on their part. The DBT group and my therapist made me realize I couldn't cope with anything. It wasn't that I was this shitty person, I really really loved everyone who I loved but I had no distress tolerance alongside extreme emotions. My therapist was able to talk to me in a way that was understanding but also held me accountable at the same time. And she saved my life. It's been 6 years since I last saw that therapist or was in that group now though and I'm struggling really bad. I feel like I have no control over my emotions sometimes and no coping skills. In the past someone compared me to the third degree burns patient of emotional competence and that's how I feel. Everything is so much. Especially during all this COVID-19. I used to dissociate when I was really bad and nothing around me felt real and it was scary because I didn't understand why that was happening. But I've learned since then that when everything becomes too much for my brain I just shut down mentally without meaning to. It's like I completely numb out emotionally. And that's been happening during this whenever I really think about what's going on and how scary it is. Or when I freak out at my boyfriend because I feel like a literal ticking time bomb and can't control my anger. Or when I sleep all day because I'd rather just be unconscious then deal with my feelings. And then get upset because someone woke me up. I hate being like this. I would give anything to not be like this. I feel like my brain is broken and always has been and never won't be. I just want to deal with stress and anger and sadness like a normal person. Whatever that means.",4.2132752527037525,5.9067565465116285,5.2823955608963,80.00379691807451,71.57475083056478,8.777889305153037,29.419806319360994,9.308941714560437,2.6848221813812114,2459,100,461,55,47,810,250,602,0.192,0.657,0.151,-0.9902,2,0,2,0,0,0,44.0,0,4,6,8,25,41,5,5,20,0,51,11,4,8,6,109,89,55,1,9,27,3,8,9,0,3,5,0,1,4,31,36,0,3,18,0,1,2,23,22,1,2,37,10,78,19,62,40,11,50,0,4,1,2,41,21,1,10,35,330,109,1,0.0522933097138701,0.061959020945651436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04181894088512949,0.13053666843491735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606587643152594,0.046552132470824514,0.048887185504551206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873254586361511,0.2550201298609805,0.05775385210228332,0.0,0.05891665267294855,0.05487860230388104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586159297052979,0.11675325615309733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054828540313140765,0.0,0.11730278686896844,0.04175195266118651,0.0,0.0,0.033724858647871565,0.2695605306173799,0.045040151030418966,0.053076608594056295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4705834795283287,0.04631635092984363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04996849841215842,0.093995709757502,0.05115289119958092,0.0,0.0,0.13220534314741955,0.1120750527248584,0.15062933403410675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02732109599873316,0.05016450769555579,0.02971949301018764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248560215733576,0.055667200580557664,0.0,0.05162881702509727,0.0,0.05558534288043862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05458062911288708,0.0,0.0,0.05785479929998216,0.0,0.0,0.04262602691187721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387262229560795,0.22993082720185584,0.0,0.0,0.046277933522285104,0.0,0.0,0.05708432488285365,0.08891580378456096,0.09439350736778264,0.04948119405059626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392548917492068,0.0,0.0,0.1053987133477458,0.0,0.0,0.06124529231785372,0.0,0.0,0.07688319917005461,0.0,0.12099547269486505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05123634059864629,0.050176841028820536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03543530002361105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161310638825611,0.056628558474290686,0.04991988123321952,0.0,0.1369815029855011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05952123491684822,0.30150389924485765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04465820076985511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05367833094623466,0.0865151323589307,0.0,0.052331075316747716,0.0,0.13292385486707406,0.08051588927539496,0.051719420443484584,0.0,0.037013473767665235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05990180959658744,0.10933664281550634,0.0,0.0,0.05934182815954304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04203138151264274,0.0,0.0,0.11960391412988455,0.18214968925289174,0.0,0.06701488270669476,0.05137791128624192,0.04151504669343506,0.12197059770325855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035503724672715786,0.0,0.0,0.108878359269515,0.0,0.04516462962400848,0.0,0.04314745711237557,0.061687897884353325,0.0415079951976581,0.0,0.0,0.04701796560679592,0.0,0.04718657831275568,0.05838361279378387,0.0,0.05040888447306191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429533370476082,0.0,0.0,0.033675176952226465 bpd,JazzWaves,2020/03/24,"DAE feel like they're the worst person to have a conversation with My personality ( a bullshit collection of traits stolen from other people), orginally intended to make people like me instead of gradually hating me and finding me annoying, is completely backfiring on me at this point. I cant empathize with people well enough to know what traits they'd prefer over others, I only have a rough idea, so I alot of the time misread them, and end up making them dislike me even more, I hate living like this because it feels like everyone fucking hates me, because most days I cant act like a decent fucking human being and actually remember which traits they like. Im the most annoying horrible person in the world to talk to, and anyone else who disagrees in my life, either hasnt spent enough time being near me, or feels too bad to tell me straight up. I have a personality, but it's all made up on what I think people want to see",13.116535580524342,7.811360691011242,12.155280898876406,60.75479400749067,57.258426966292134,15.012734082397005,44.835205992509366,11.855464076750405,5.1312217228464405,745,27,133,14,6,244,109,178,0.152,0.765,0.083,-0.9039,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,4,0,5,16,7,0,10,0,10,3,0,4,1,27,26,7,0,2,3,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,5,10,6,0,0,9,0,1,1,3,9,1,0,2,5,21,7,23,21,9,18,0,0,1,2,13,13,2,4,10,92,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.11377272659697682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152079436498334,0.11945782319217185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734581631284127,0.14214149633590814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223993088344708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518938798342946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739401980596643,0.0,0.10326205118907067,0.2409324127064051,0.0,0.07700504202051077,0.0,0.0,0.11140449403479637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17685065387257504,0.1665804782278314,0.0,0.0,0.10655899822048867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21556680404154654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34531849591641106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316132636328223,0.12593466651299529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407352237763338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234930377518955,0.3417530148179942,0.0,0.10294902927676032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031805162476044,0.15564632087917749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867016003767501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32330878181645273,0.40719934938082303,0.0,0.0,0.11021301193379092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207107791889966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290526089982014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370873529912012,0.10190274326753254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470465731389651,0.0,0.0,0.1359663903863373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687664155443621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482629727564584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,quintywinties,2020/03/24,"DAE not have an FP? Hi everyone, I’m relatively new here and haven’t posted yet. DAE not have an FP? I’m a quiet borderline, everything about me seems relatively status quo. I’m upbeat and productive at work, I have a full time job and a part time side job. I’m very very close with my family. People tell me all the time how positive I am, except in my personal relationships, which are extremely chaotic. I split on everyone, all the time. I have very few close friends. I haven’t been in a long-term romantic relationship since 2017. My FP will be whomever is giving me the most attention that day, or week, or month, before they bounce. I also love attention from social media but I’m taking a break right now. Am I alone in this? Thanks!",2.1798858447488563,4.557992102739728,4.0470958904109615,83.38306392694066,80.02739726027397,8.276894977168949,22.062100456621003,9.029198982220553,1.8739201826484009,581,18,116,16,15,196,93,146,0.034,0.855,0.111,0.8614,2,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,1,6,3,0,0,10,0,13,1,0,1,2,19,23,8,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,3,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,14,3,9,20,6,22,0,0,0,1,10,10,0,4,10,68,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800225341108276,0.0,0.12199916794610945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981412174488655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838615247196604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915480450136197,0.1371077093083073,0.0,0.14381644348023712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178645705970235,0.0,0.0,0.14634584400630404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30277705164749275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500746945008782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376879604629037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217689332356302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733976473637275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520353862686485,0.0,0.10576328640395816,0.1332062221449928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610670500740555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275766128176988,0.0,0.13028219320183668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388814689337583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126196096064813,0.0,0.0,0.15551187218763865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470330468031995,0.0,0.13334087569166805,0.1404532868375755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35582707545275305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37762461855451374,0.0,0.0,0.1223714116063188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106275777630907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,redditanddelete,2020/03/24,"I’m watching myself split my FP I think my fP just gaslit me or that I’m splitting. The short of it is that she was listening to me rant about this artist who was stealing people’s works. And then I decided to tell the original artist what was happening. Unfortunately, even tho she agreed with me that stealing works is wrong, she was friends with the person who copied. Right. All of the sudden, she was telling me that it wasn’t right and that it was wrong what I did and it was petty and she can’t believe I did that. Etc etc. Like wow. I hate her so much right now I just want to start attacking her but deep down I also know I’m afraid she’ll abandon me because I fucked up and did something she doesn’t like and now I’m thinking it’s never ever going to be the same at all even when we do recover from this, it will have always happened.",1.8930681818181831,3.7593339886363673,2.913636363636368,93.76545454545456,78.43181818181819,5.990909090909091,21.795454545454547,6.9077264865688965,0.3656204545454549,666,19,149,7,16,212,97,176,0.154,0.7709999999999999,0.076,-0.9337,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,2,12,13,3,1,5,0,20,1,0,1,4,25,35,13,0,1,4,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,0,1,18,9,0,1,4,2,0,1,4,9,0,0,11,2,26,4,13,21,6,18,0,1,1,1,17,8,1,1,11,108,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500980502083198,0.13007155070348125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17783764469623325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529179851146326,0.0,0.0,0.17612017682026887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486783554703666,0.2064970226919313,0.14140124631062911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077317605728695,0.14451619678987318,0.0,0.0,0.08884079672717496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764681947512928,0.0,0.0,0.15433457216174148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590990445042529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527410374788841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491388273111397,0.0,0.12056435138275695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837326216488226,0.13649342153925909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4004917044280713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034350232642023,0.0,0.0,0.11064477102730393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732627960034213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20032830204068647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922021448110154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22760702271060115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34182483224027543,0.0,0.0 bpd,Solidfish1931,2020/03/24,"I think I fucked up, help. So I'm pretty certain that one of my co-workers at my night job has had contact with someone who's had direct contact with someone with the Carona, but she wouldn't admit to it because she needs to keep working. And my night job is cleaning a healthcare facility. She isn't showing any symptoms or signs but I told my day job (a daycare) that I was officially informed that I had been in contact with two people who had been in direct contact with a person who is in the hospital. My direct boss hangs out with my coworker alot. And now, they are calling the health department- but I don't know why. If they are calling for them or if they are calling about my other job. I told them I'm still allowed to clean as long.as I'm not showing signs or symptoms. I don't want to get anyone in trouble but I've been trying to not go into work because I'm in a high risk environment cleaning every night and they wouldn't listen. They kept having me come in to teach and then Friday they started having me cook. I didn't feel comfortable at all cooking while possibly being exposed to Carona while cleaning at night. I really hope I don't get in trouble or get anyone else in trouble- since they know what building I clean. I just didn't want to put anyone in danger of getting sick if I'd been exposed. And it seemed to be the only way they would listen and let me not come in. I am very very worried bout getting the kids sick. Literally every other daycare in our area is closed AND they have known that I clean the place that had the first three people tested at since the day we found out about the people being tested. And I feel like it's irresponsible for me to go in knowing I have a much higher chance of coming in contact with it, if I can social distance and not go around children. I'm kinda freaking out and spiralling. Help.",5.301156707742386,5.600352382352941,5.864573355033716,81.97888049290866,67.9572192513369,7.680818414322251,30.699372239014178,7.079830092131019,1.7762772843524766,1477,54,287,11,23,479,169,374,0.132,0.7909999999999999,0.077,-0.9651,5,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,2,0,11,3,7,11,2,1,15,0,36,8,0,2,2,72,73,27,0,11,17,0,2,1,0,3,5,2,6,3,15,27,2,2,11,4,0,9,12,7,0,4,16,4,45,4,48,50,3,50,0,0,0,1,39,27,1,12,14,198,60,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051860023112636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866788760823691,0.09118431007479616,0.0,0.07922304150027827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849916673551356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27261679887499873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299799410292481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478683078270704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434261117525574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996164599579306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999552828898404,0.06357694110455625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569778625434948,0.0,0.09757672855813984,0.0,0.08227301392365106,0.2324770324428478,0.0,0.15173109177687627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459587976091252,0.0,0.0,0.11930087222637645,0.09402646991303283,0.0,0.0883905796851812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532490835257601,0.07910147065019353,0.0,0.0,0.14672542431987096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910018358985563,0.0,0.04347770624452845,0.0,0.0,0.07875640606326398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542042818705182,0.06598751828611876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340573108598578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06030426739537133,0.06768353173697371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850905664229528,0.0777056511327535,0.09297921782475027,0.0,0.0,0.10032674753390138,0.0,0.09053833613637424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946300112470354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570114852474293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081016297887528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14723260906617364,0.0,0.0,0.09071761883660807,0.15080772904959125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299002457520006,0.0,0.07107028708184017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18499654675693905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05702341173238552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170074117480827,0.0,0.06042071337814268,0.0,0.08693367300969568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685783890082935,0.1049812894655241,0.0706388612422501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030274991742742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943648826001584,0.0903771720767434,0.0,0.06321839616110116,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,objectivelybadperson,2020/03/24,"I am a shitty person and I don't even feel bad To begin.. Yes I know I'm an objectively bad person, the sort of person that reinforces the stereotypes of BPD. I am fully aware of that so please *please* don't make a big deal of pointing it out. I just need some input, I can't talk about this to anyone else. So if you're going to call me a heartless bitch or a cheating whore, etc etc then please just don't. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, I really thought I loved him with everything I have and that he was the person I was going to marry. Something happened that made me realise I might not actually be in love with him. I love to travel but my bf doesn't so I go alone. I don't mind, it means I get to make all the decisions and that suits my selfish ass pretty well. So on this trip of mine, 7 days in I go with a few newly made friends to a club. I drink and I smoke and I drink a little bit more and before I know it I'm kissing a gorgeous Icelandic guy from our new group and he takes me back to his room. So it was a bad thing but mistakes happen, right? Well actually I didn't even feel bad, I felt excited. I love falling in love, having a crush, that uncertain path between lingering eye contact and spending the rest of our lives together. I knew it was wrong and I knew there should be guilt but I just didn't feel it. Not even when I arrived home later to be picked up by my sweet, adoring boyfriend. I thought all this guilt I was supposed to feel might hit me when I saw him but it didn't. I don't know why I don't feel bad, maybe I'm really just a morally bankrupt person. I still love my boyfriend, he's a wonderful person, he just doesn't excite me I guess. I couldn't live without his love and support but I think that comes mostly from a place of selfishness. I tried to talk with him about it but he blocked it out, I don't think he wants to know. I don't really know what else to say, I just needed to get all this out.",1.00622449601072,2.729146482185272,2.690308788598575,95.00124550825264,80.61520190023755,5.743126865217128,20.771118825750648,6.67199483983844,0.13258664961325284,1523,42,358,15,39,502,189,421,0.121,0.66,0.21899999999999997,0.9941,0,1,4,0,1,0,41.0,2,0,0,0,23,33,3,3,21,1,31,13,2,5,3,80,82,27,0,7,17,0,6,0,2,3,0,1,2,7,22,20,2,1,20,4,1,8,18,16,2,1,17,10,59,17,42,57,11,32,1,0,2,10,37,14,2,10,10,229,81,0,0.0,0.0,0.13764391438243773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304234479374694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0493125267170148,0.07226091383931289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054229159430787384,0.2944259930922952,0.0,0.0,0.06001134562883618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699473273145117,0.0,0.08882342088936297,0.0,0.07201362821628905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06075080493509236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04548261253648316,0.07270789358800094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381747607153241,0.0,0.0,0.1178287145303425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730741898563974,0.13974274496075295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338307436111383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829709711789632,0.0,0.06771479467647971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544872267240136,0.0,0.07369251485125886,0.0,0.1603233032911043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769093437930884,0.06983056452052902,0.12472956082770452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707420482841562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19379271931245354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068430083551444,0.12454924651425213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44555921738275933,0.13346439789972792,0.09415160164406312,0.0,0.07085156430263315,0.07682209933442143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963117420975036,0.07120986677793191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458637828003484,0.0,0.06811321778875852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3694768117492383,0.07368332603021018,0.2322449059228694,0.06666865967000746,0.0,0.0,0.07174899827984374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553983201506248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060227728851281165,0.0,0.056084091082945466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05429337796756471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056321135589483325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003062090098341,0.0,0.0,0.05302581544608822,0.11337020324817768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046853492812060575,0.09037879079498612,0.0,0.11197750614208617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04788165814871466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041597309375843085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268203928903675,0.0,0.06363759388082517,0.0,0.0,0.06798331713776701,0.07648105466240288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771077144039802,0.0,0.04541560993354343 bpd,bonesilianrail,2020/03/24,"feeling so sad, lonely and bored with this global crisis.. anyone wanna chat and be friends!? Title says it all really! I'm a 21 year old woman and just generally feeling so shit about whats going on with the world at the moment. As a naturally extroverted person, it's awful being cooped up inside, especially with bpd. I have also just lost (my decision) my only friend in the city I live in, so feeling extra lonely at this point. Would love to make some new friends for support and just general chitchat! I've tried talking to people on just reddit before but it doesn't really work out and the convo always dies. Would actually like to make real friends so perhaps we could communicate via other non-anonymous means. Maybe even a group chat or smth idk.. message me or comment if you'd wanna be pals <3",4.158856143856145,6.2518554350649405,5.427402597402601,77.25011488511491,72.57142857142857,7.335864135864138,25.48251748251749,8.139509932561175,1.7950925074925077,643,21,110,10,13,214,113,154,0.087,0.785,0.128,0.7679,0,4,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,1,0,2,11,13,1,0,7,1,9,2,1,2,1,35,20,15,1,6,8,0,3,1,5,2,0,1,0,2,7,10,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,6,0,0,1,4,7,7,19,12,3,16,0,4,0,1,17,11,1,4,5,70,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.1521406139384959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467702753807902,0.1297252987977714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901227450913537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266351815422278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19635666199782734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447731199137956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16180458806904993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029736626675122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364904829160784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4818067061106569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860430154429143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616721957440124,0.0,0.13766681160785946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17018852689172204,0.0,0.14071018620289552,0.0,0.2081353547912196,0.0,0.15662734585642954,0.16982605310553794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057384582823827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16359588167227213,0.0,0.0,0.11857264029492835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808477134310276,0.1361300745424007,0.0,0.0,0.14738044697667715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745381608808716,0.1997532386221578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398176974005827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600340564330649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17691894120250606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253103880538183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584913833383554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350056515015328,0.0,0.0,0.22150062077619626,0.0,0.0,0.10039759198481724 bpd,txPeach,2020/03/24,"The Worst Part of This When I'm clear headed, I can name every coping mechanism under the sun. I can give the greatest advice and tell you exactly how to do A, B, and C. But when an episode hits, it's like I have amnesia. I no longer have any clue on what to do to calm down. So I sob. And wail. And scream. And hyperventilate. And sometimes hit myself in the head because I don't know how to make my mind just SHUT THE FUCK UP! Then it passes and suddenly I remember all of the coping skills I should have used. And I sink into deep self hatred for allowing myself to forget such simple things that could have prevented such awful feelings and actions. This illness brings me a profound level of shame and I fucking hate it.",2.6296127320954885,4.619889648275862,3.896551724137933,86.99246684350136,76.65517241379311,6.6684350132626,22.877984084880644,7.61054688173877,1.0072334217506629,569,17,114,8,13,186,100,145,0.214,0.708,0.078,-0.972,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,1,8,9,3,1,9,1,11,5,2,5,3,30,23,17,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,8,11,0,1,3,0,0,3,2,7,0,0,0,2,15,2,15,19,4,16,0,1,0,2,5,9,3,0,5,83,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112467558786659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700853394417798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178017481433002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17260063740160894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18213938889451275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930615236281303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3997063750282904,0.0,0.2073777500528712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134311369610944,0.4437222348467807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880584062433802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561370933652872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430057304443716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21827827467705213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23409983641035995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448876673556287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255209247524643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21380568729389726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18894920439166396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436191364534282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18670848581312607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Morgxno,2020/03/24,"I want to recover from bpd but I don’t know how I’m so tired of bpd. It’s been 5 years since bpd was suggested. I was just 15 at the time. It’s ruined my life. I’ve done 2 6 month rounds of dbt. I’ve tried so many meds, I’ve just started lithium as a last resort. I require intensive support from mental health services to stay safe/alive. I’ve had been admitted 7 times for 5-14 days each time in the past year due to suicide attempts or risk. I’m supposed to be starting a 1 year dbt program which is a bit different to the two 6 month rounds I did under child services but that’s all up in the air at the moment because my country is in complete lockdown for a month minimum due to covid. I just don’t know what to do anymore. All the therapy and medication and support just doesn’t seem to help me. The past year has just been trying to keep me alive. I’m afraid I’m reaching the end of my rope. I’m so tired of fighting. I want to get better but nothing seems to help. Is there anything else anyone has found helpful to manage or ease bpd symptoms?",1.5068666666666672,3.1809345644444456,3.1672777777777803,92.39225000000003,78.91111111111111,5.922222222222223,25.027777777777786,6.742157984588678,0.7923111111111107,827,31,185,8,20,274,126,225,0.115,0.737,0.14800000000000002,0.4368,1,1,0,0,2,1,19.0,0,0,0,3,10,7,1,2,12,0,18,6,0,1,2,26,37,12,1,2,10,0,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,3,0,2,6,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,9,2,12,3,28,27,4,29,0,1,2,0,7,8,0,4,20,96,17,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102041253522435,0.07194450514660186,0.0,0.08467138008994532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272203119672412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099964594796373,0.1123314564075628,0.0,0.5183556785062184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078803439670851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635685229617047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107500279984033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529427796014536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595309471356655,0.0,0.0911318054625323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281580857882632,0.0,0.0,0.053756843006719256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936942466864992,0.0,0.0,0.20689909207744933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145517074656476,0.0,0.0,0.11309354616491896,0.08387074357515613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267568913457577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431637672409776,0.0,0.0,0.11428985857923478,0.10365290323131916,0.1036909735760179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463823286294679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098727685224798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196444184998485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18733809360699413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511335687521879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456550277890728,0.10966922200922602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254718923368508,0.2335213302022865,0.0,0.10694422386911286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766601228529527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799915239255174,0.2365185227030443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971387922896394,0.0,0.10051057007381058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137677939924064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650363954254644 bpd,sashuan,2020/03/24,"Asking for sugestions #bpdjournaling Dae keep a journal? Do you have sugestions on what to add/ helpfull tips What i have so far: Index: Diary venting pages •to write off all things aweful in my head so i can refill that space with a more clear vieuw on the sittuation Drawing pages •I draw when i'm sad or feel empty Happy notes •everyday i write down what nice things people said to me or did, so when i forget about all the good things in life and about myseld i can read the positive reality and snap out of it) Support system • the people i can call and in what way they support me. It's good to have more then one, because different ppl can support you in different ways and it is also less straining then if you just have one.. What els can I do with this journal book. I just started out yesterday but helpfull advise is so welcome! I wanted to post a picture of it but that's not allowed. But if you like to see it i have a tumblr 🙈 (focussed on the good ya'll)",2.4832703321878604,4.579377819587633,3.6978694158075602,87.74710194730815,77.50515463917526,6.3729667812142035,24.179839633447884,7.3871296695380915,1.1175083619702175,763,26,151,10,18,248,111,194,0.033,0.8109999999999999,0.155,0.9722,3,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,4,1,0,11,14,0,1,9,0,15,2,1,1,3,29,26,20,0,3,10,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,16,9,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,3,18,12,23,24,7,23,0,1,1,0,14,13,0,4,7,111,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091247172143856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134911859907248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216850542949227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438940631702106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159381145774429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644992664278448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3804515084820265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095239796954713,0.0,0.0,0.15517210866233694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439115795009754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679516464610424,0.07386739132898877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20491048416623686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20964241956361326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480527314189656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123827309535964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438233102994085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204847178959981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070182674529772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5147309066684651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013464167118564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918011851358447,0.2400268485678031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,manicmice,2020/03/24,"Not directly about BPD but it fuels the fire. Please please reply if you can, I need to calm down. First off I’m 18. So last year o had a week long manic episode where I posted my nudes on here for validation. I hated myself so much and ultimately was looking for reassurance and validation. I feel insanely guilty, dirty, and disgusting. I have a really close relationship with my mom where I tell her a lot, I always have, since I’ve never consistently had the support of friends. Whenever I did something I knew was bad I would always tell her. I do t know where this came from. I feel like I’m a disappointment and I can’t imagine how a mother might feel if they found out their daughter’s naked body was in the internet. I don’t know what the chances are of the pictures showing up but I’m hoping it’s unlikely cause I never kept them up very long. I’m pretty sure I only posted my upper body and once or twice lower but I quickly deleted it. I did sell some but did it through Snapchat so I knew if they saved them or not. I guess they could has taken a picture of their screen. But I felt guilt immediately and retracted everything. They were surprisingly understandable. I never did it to seek sexual pleasure or got off on the idea of people pleasuring themselves to me. I was fueled by supportive people in the comments who were genuinely nice. I automatically assume that everyone is a disgusting old man of people who are sex addicts. I have an extensive with of mental health issues so all of that makes this worse. I feel awful. I love my mom so much and this feels like something I have to tell her even though I don’t. Please respond if possible, I need to get out of this panic attack. Sorry for any typos, I’m not about proofread.",2.502244897959187,4.939483714285718,4.091475218658893,83.18362682215745,79.20408163265307,7.185306122448982,23.794169096209913,8.238735603445708,1.6127436734693874,1386,48,267,28,35,461,189,343,0.154,0.662,0.184,0.8656,1,0,2,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,8,1,15,23,4,2,15,1,28,7,3,3,5,62,60,26,0,9,15,4,7,2,1,2,2,0,0,1,14,13,0,1,15,1,1,1,9,8,0,2,20,9,48,15,34,37,5,30,0,1,2,3,28,16,0,13,13,184,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025559516862123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15655635430461845,0.0,0.0,0.06397442289960982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702422305716848,0.0,0.0,0.07854893727928335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20899287795474936,0.11848453397562025,0.0,0.0,0.10759706934662658,0.0,0.09664123663899936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751114637607747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621358415282997,0.0,0.0,0.08989297071018729,0.08454880427283794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378364653117039,0.13441481135892322,0.09032703098083808,0.0,0.0,0.08002039326595793,0.0,0.1031486993106002,0.0726823353725598,0.0,0.04915045599582682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524060302552131,0.0,0.10363453762413316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287987200170528,0.0,0.09999763367416246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343798937063083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619955106229463,0.0,0.09819016080328154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340263775341252,0.07668391707661716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192086913344992,0.0,0.0,0.16650734181896232,0.07899954978757617,0.0,0.0,0.07997944704431473,0.08490662179853771,0.0,0.06279598630720486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948057651613858,0.09979901565911344,0.0,0.2203596843376855,0.0,0.0,0.13831232457883014,0.13951127041304762,0.21766998866586407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871619125652256,0.1001871131268979,0.0,0.07154849692728475,0.0,0.11037708267912848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19565988185199504,0.0,0.0,0.3097992530681544,0.0,0.10605575393951466,0.18019624522852312,0.09570839018904437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060267039446130724,0.0,0.0,0.1010016543242063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782005169517958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448475080567289,0.0,0.10530958463740496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135110475657916,0.08866484710224345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466778489108763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242849437478716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793569420535432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762196627221599,0.0,0.0,0.07546152277424605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587075716795483,0.06682838657205475,0.0,0.0,0.060581402115743664 bpd,yuemyue,2020/03/24,"BPD traits.. What does that even mean? Long time lurker, but I commented on my first post in here today so I thought fuck it let me write a post... Anyways so I’ve been seeing the word BPD traits thrown around a lot lately. And I don’t quite understand. Because as far as I understand if you have BPD traits you’ll still get treatment like you do have BPD (that was what I was told before I got diagnosed). So all these people saying they’ve been told they have BPD traits and then just left alone to deal with them, is that just the reality in other countries? I’ve also heard some people say that it’s a nice way of diagnosing someone which got me kinda mad, but maybe I’m just being ignorant.. So can anyone enlighten me on this haha So is it a new trend to say you have BPD traits or are things just way more different country to country than I thought?",2.686608863198458,4.541452497109829,3.5045317919075174,90.47895568400772,76.05202312138731,6.694258188824662,21.93795761078998,7.554174236665415,0.7065525240847785,674,18,143,9,15,214,107,173,0.065,0.838,0.09699999999999999,0.762,1,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,4,2,2,15,6,2,0,6,1,17,3,0,0,1,25,31,15,0,1,8,0,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,14,4,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,11,5,17,3,13,17,4,19,0,0,1,1,15,7,1,5,9,92,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849657766089956,0.0,0.076052716089467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649725075437944,0.0,0.0,0.08466058774390961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057973053366808434,0.0,0.08092445802440576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7186628248400548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804557490005496,0.0,0.19305224661157885,0.0,0.09936093186960898,0.0,0.0,0.08322405205467555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281371064250764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089337336516622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791989782688024,0.049686661432967835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212287629066273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727874844417484,0.0,0.10332816792533292,0.09724783051808897,0.0,0.046461838560009065,0.0,0.0,0.08416192435493045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085198044193641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955423408905673,0.10359352365443172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184971901721536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186295167393766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18216209080383447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115225912256716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22688583102682156,0.0,0.0,0.07578366327978367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057927804764868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594826153519793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631812780172769,0.0,0.0,0.1510000967403508,0.055454508423998995,0.0,0.0901451979626072,0.18174731079850007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19800824149412866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097444877342572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ichijiii,2020/03/24,"it feels like i'll never get better. i love my boyfriend so much more than anything. but BPD is destroying me. every single time he dosent message me back, i think he instantly hates me/is going to leave and breakup with me. i suffer silently because i dont want to burden him with my stupid feelings. it makes it worse because we are long distance. plus he works so much and im so proud of him for it, and with this COVID-19 pandemic shit his workplace gets busy so he dosent have time to reply. i understand this but i still think these things. i feel abandoned and hes not even abandoning me. i cant afford therapy and no one wants to go out with all this happening anyway so i feel worse and isolated. i dont know what to do anymore. im fine for a while and then im not. i wish my overthinking could just go away and leave forever. i want this relationship to last. i dont want to ruin anything and im so scared.",0.6464734299516905,3.02917023809524,2.224306418219463,93.75149068322985,87.35978835978834,5.614998849781459,21.444904531861056,7.079830092131019,0.6416991488382789,721,25,156,11,23,234,108,189,0.273,0.638,0.08900000000000001,-0.9899,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,3,11,15,4,1,1,0,10,2,1,1,2,40,32,20,0,6,5,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,16,0,2,8,0,0,3,8,10,0,1,0,4,25,5,18,31,5,14,0,4,0,1,12,2,1,0,10,98,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795326998799927,0.0,0.0,0.17915405857096242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227130229513742,0.08370150436315027,0.0,0.13271197940521134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627193912972667,0.0,0.0,0.13709697935867493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691053972436305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827259342965551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189660876070139,0.0,0.0917136392553102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22015809072457085,0.07776485250879349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374276160829296,0.0,0.18559159607289427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625865484010088,0.0,0.0,0.10747014371744293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4703211743086934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598229524902764,0.08873000588210557,0.0,0.23051995357919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05318024671816275,0.0,0.0,0.09633178626131576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824439515898437,0.0,0.07266045406683999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600394690477995,0.0,0.08395441143755053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376184475342458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686775694224308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898118949333292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117363959453114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693042314803716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244832884168062,0.0,0.0723173265859448,0.13949765829798222,0.0,0.0,0.12694652347059968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332017265402484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25681809629826224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517597642955205,0.0,0.0,0.07924653270873326,0.0,0.22186171942508728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,krissyt-,2020/03/24,"Guilt and mistakes Does anyone else have issues of really letting guilt settle in? I think it’s one of the worst feelings in the world and I can’t stand to hate myself more than I already do, so I predict a part of me just blocked out that emotion so it’s easier to cope. Or maybe I’m just an asshole and using that as an excuse. Im not sure. But I’m just curious if anyone else on here has an issue with really coping/feeling guilt for their mistakes toward others and themselves. I truly feel like I never learn any lessons and I can’t control myself from hurting others and I hate myself for it I just wish I felt more terrible. I sound crazy and a bad person im sorry :( just to clarify I still love and respect people despite struggling every day with BPD. anyways",1.6057352941176433,4.004357544871798,3.4195927601809974,86.89011312217197,82.52564102564101,5.209049773755656,22.63800904977376,6.522977012572876,0.7598828054298643,611,21,114,6,17,204,99,156,0.247,0.615,0.138,-0.955,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,10,16,2,4,7,0,6,1,0,2,2,34,17,14,0,4,9,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,11,0,2,6,0,0,0,4,12,0,1,1,4,17,4,18,15,4,10,0,1,0,1,4,6,0,2,4,83,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565350025657668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646286439293617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983696366603174,0.290684176564432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843882510469615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786551095816169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909683699634966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914815151837584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413389110224272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369949467776051,0.15956215775871604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951474312515215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21517086667957813,0.10133766849967933,0.1361982452611428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28009501584072616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185335904630878,0.0,0.3064446836383109,0.2961090928839097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505123585584434,0.0,0.06930074498690703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280251633917375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250739115624125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940346494429656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612123125549693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360972705595374,0.0,0.09834092957141273,0.12385794878197395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18174548483473071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587894618150027,0.0,0.0,0.11328159341029415,0.0,0.0,0.1482924191662872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369194648094734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089175248859342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251285598726493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631204997412837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdgirly,2020/03/24,"no control Is anyone else sort of just waiting for a breakdown from whats going on with the world? I just feel weirdly calm and that's almost giving me more anxiety. I'm just so glad my therapist is still going to do appointments, just through video and not in person. I feel like I have no control and it's just stressing me out a bit. my work is considered essential so I'm still working, but its so chaotic and such a mess. Is anyone else feeling a billion different ways from this also? I feel like I'm so alone with these feelings",3.148333333333333,4.926334944444445,4.2770370370370365,85.77166666666669,74.55555555555556,7.022222222222222,28.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.8550111111111112,426,18,83,6,9,139,70,108,0.18,0.71,0.11,-0.8353,1,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,4,13,7,0,1,5,0,6,0,0,2,0,24,18,10,0,0,7,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,3,5,1,0,2,3,3,0,1,0,5,8,4,11,18,2,9,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,4,59,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855522893357168,0.163993098526267,0.0,0.12662491285523378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113011818148373,0.0,0.0,0.22143084467832946,0.32447729317317914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286691475317226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551848719880176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543221578573652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645464907480909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003088002879355,0.22623709869510855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189472236572613,0.17997721285451854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471442865588575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825689596780996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529019998993265,0.0,0.18137861121049773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838456294370746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256833904315328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305476711300072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_dolly_haze_,2020/03/24,"my late ex/first FP would be turning 27 today he’s been gone for 9 years now and I have moved on from that pain. but I still appreciate him so much more than I can really admit to the people in my life. we put our FPs through so much hell, and he stuck it out with me for 4 years up until the very night before he passed. I don’t need sympathy, it makes me uncomfortable... I just wanted to get this off my chest. he really was such a good dude. cheers to all the FPs out there putting in the time to understand and love us and our internal chaos. 💜",1.4887179487179485,2.9785466324786363,3.0926581196581218,93.72873076923081,78.40170940170941,7.073162393162392,18.53760683760684,7.908726449838941,0.24705196581196545,424,8,103,7,10,140,88,117,0.122,0.703,0.175,0.7974,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,4,0,0,0,7,5,1,0,5,0,7,4,1,1,1,17,17,8,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,2,0,0,5,1,2,0,0,4,0,15,3,18,11,4,21,1,0,0,1,11,7,1,0,9,65,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606419944781053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660004109569421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019614570864566,0.0,0.0,0.1636883993590261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201455519513288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784513272100987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761367763424749,0.0,0.13026878659289384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20742096404400628,0.28692564211957344,0.1447064134308822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831415871911349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20766076562536448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529726389983182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39237329615537736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500450924295061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558526007982888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379759311364115,0.0,0.184985979507086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212274732358067,0.0,0.2031652785235485,0.2347497945117337,0.0,0.0,0.16102493095288714,0.11510863168118984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863390545557172,0.0,0.0,0.2513493682575897 bpd,thrownneaway,2020/03/24,"spiraling and splitting during quarantine i live in a big household with my partner. i’ve been spiraling more frequently. today i split on everyone. i cannot be around them. i cannot talk to them. i regress and give the silent treatment, can’t stand to be touched or spoken to. i hid in my car for a couple hours this evening. when i returned, everyone was in the kitchen and all turned and gave me the worst look. just yesterday i had some triggering instances with my own family, and i’m sure that has contributed to all of this. i have been spiraling without an outlet. my partner has gotten so accustomed to my silent treatments; they just let the wave pass, and once i am able to talk again, it’s like nothing happened. all i want to do is run away. but there is, quite literally, nowhere to go. i saw an article about a spike in divorce rates due to this whole quarantine situation. i am terrified of the moment i finally get sick, and even more so of what’ll happen with my relationships after this blows over.",4.44797619047619,6.084251382653061,5.03865306122449,82.21110884353743,70.88775510204081,9.104217687074831,30.923809523809524,9.558583805096642,2.8989303401360544,805,35,156,19,15,258,125,196,0.081,0.9009999999999999,0.019,-0.9083,0,2,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,3,1,11,3,0,0,10,0,18,2,0,1,4,23,30,12,0,1,5,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,2,6,11,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,0,7,3,24,2,27,20,9,25,0,0,2,0,11,9,0,2,12,112,30,0,0.17290653137669768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392347123869027,0.0,0.0,0.16245137796336662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913177882335284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22840626650794724,0.0,0.0,0.3304392009541031,0.0,0.0,0.16300088949473304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18941065351868844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033652619041913,0.1658677003103823,0.09826676641395653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30580134932764946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17027810403763122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17680864310858654,0.0,0.08447339738440098,0.0,0.15267963500012785,0.0,0.14519793873372466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590848017088053,0.0,0.0,0.18413981285746245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839073796047568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18563690623560067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943541857670841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16296235955779112,0.0,0.0,0.2779514406751771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389517431505893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18807265477746754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198475205973034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19304396743386507,0.0,0.16667572606317552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,plantpowerforever242,2020/03/24,"Tomorrow is my birthday and I’m all alone Tomorrow is my birthday and I will be all alone. I live alone, and get to take off work for my bday. For obvious reasons I’m not having anything big but none of my friends that live close will pop by even to say hi for 15 minutes. I understand this is a global pandemic but it just hurts to be alone on a birthday. Sorry if this sounded insensitive, it truly wasn’t my intent.",1.9634883720930207,3.940739476744192,3.832732558139536,86.73072674418606,78.65116279069767,7.090697674418602,27.02906976744186,8.07648339933343,1.7982139534883728,329,14,68,6,8,111,55,86,0.201,0.757,0.042,-0.8868,0,4,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,2,3,15,14,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,8,1,10,9,3,7,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,2,46,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7755722437032255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540578472956157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236504141952385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463795214555905,0.0,0.09780947827029672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20041213614923545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306196523515569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19248302057639707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887687573585334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20956622520696028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075859275822591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948921726194839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362910819004781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,imicarusx,2020/03/24,Weird feelings about my identity Why the fuck won’t reddit let me post,1.5828571428571436,4.33182442857143,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857143,90.42857142857142,5.6571428571428575,21.285714285714285,7.1686216300943375,0.9611142857142858,58,2,11,1,2,18,14,14,0.321,0.679,0.0,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256449108089423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46888643117463896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.518633316440933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4857451769365374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4576575966602335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dogs_whisky_books,2020/03/24,"I suck at titles. I hope this is the right place to post. Sorry. Hey. I have never posted before so I apologise if I mess up. I'm in Scotland and we've just been locked down for 3 weeks, my uni is trying to start remote learning, and I am not coping at all. I've been drinking too much. Not sleeping. Anxiety attacks 3/4 times a day and dissociating a lot, floating away at random times and struggling to keep grounded. I know everyone is struggling at the moment so I feel selfish and helpless and useless because I can't focus enough to help myself, let alone anyone else. I just wondered if anyone can advise me on keeping myself together during all this crazy shit. I have DBT help books and I am trying to use my coping skills but the lack of routine and the complete uncertainty is making it really hard to keep to it. I've been slowly sliding back into my old bad habits and I don't want to be that person again. Does anyone have any advice on what else I can do to keep my stupid brain in check, and stop me from dramatically fucking up like I used to do? (sorry if I'm rambling. I'm a wee bit scared of posting)",2.067027353177796,4.240030384955752,3.7668061142397455,86.35331456154465,79.22123893805309,5.525020112630734,22.662107803700728,6.574015621080383,0.6602548672566382,881,28,171,8,22,294,137,226,0.19699999999999998,0.741,0.062,-0.9809,0,1,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,7,15,5,3,7,0,20,5,3,3,3,39,38,16,0,6,8,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,11,1,5,4,2,1,1,5,13,0,0,3,2,23,2,27,33,7,31,0,2,0,1,5,16,3,7,12,113,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986539275669796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164436767249006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645632356901252,0.0,0.08600871896395386,0.0,0.0,0.2358412206948621,0.11519792409061855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279054699816753,0.105631780166572,0.08645180720378913,0.09387443750842472,0.06853634557985107,0.0,0.09566973445283901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274455034292317,0.0,0.0,0.125509174756418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788082105012425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250811355737795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983883383903395,0.0,0.0,0.11013869566830434,0.0,0.0,0.18784184410323568,0.0,0.0,0.11617034802849492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743177888424163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056848036837836825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393981601559367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071528631043404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071905255855408,0.0,0.0,0.1116684578799456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39973215584754335,0.0,0.0,0.06178864280159468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149673948878891,0.0,0.05492766792316595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558405070236477,0.0,0.0,0.07504796495738639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264906006401676,0.0,0.08671302441610662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179764774440075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816962691564277,0.11746552524436164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32303087249569673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202560116361621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601469131415316,0.0,0.0,0.11256214394953107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540788225262835,0.0,0.0,0.1125112959335091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517125849057046,0.07957860363836627,0.0,0.0,0.09399659810374633,0.0,0.2350727039666789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111779120069467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526653159414577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19420701671413532,0.0,0.0,0.06631418609662454,0.0,0.0901846447492276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192564778466287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dariakayb,2020/03/24,"advice on coping with self quarantine and more... hi, i’m just posting this to ask how everyone is dealing/coping with extreme or destructive paranoia being self isolated. i am states away from my partner due to being moved back home from college due to covid. i’m usually fine with being alone but i keep getting sucked into a hole of anxiety and making up scenarios or accusations or paranoia and it’s debilitating to my mental health. i feel like i’m regressing. let me know, thanks !",4.032333333333334,6.785154011111113,5.354444444444444,74.485,75.55555555555556,8.444444444444445,30.0,9.150863307647796,3.2520000000000007,391,18,63,10,9,130,66,90,0.19399999999999998,0.718,0.087,-0.8147,0,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,1,0,6,1,0,2,0,17,17,8,0,0,5,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,3,2,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,3,14,13,1,11,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,3,5,40,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21149923772649112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22416293472800605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557332606995334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233890581081204,0.0,0.2033492114700535,0.1664263046341702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068143459145174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943679493392586,0.15462227509446735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307913541926393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300618728909993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171034513859736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923787011887968,0.0,0.0,0.11894783721050327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22132097990162272,0.0,0.10573993870453983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447304090162608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21811708029975388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23003774124214585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20728633339606395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4515809341367178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19926564520437992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23837422104794245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,iggybot6,2020/03/24,"""I know I like to make you scared, just to see how much you care"" Those are some of the lyrics from a new song by the band June that honestly sum up my bpd in a nutshell. It's a pretty damn good song and damn it most of it doesn't hit home for me",3.6047368421052655,2.03516350877193,4.4480701754385965,97.01315789473686,71.80701754385964,8.301754385964912,22.508771929824558,6.42735559955562,-0.0015333333333336086,188,2,54,1,3,61,46,57,0.126,0.6509999999999999,0.22399999999999998,0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,2,7,2,1,5,0,2,0,0,2,0,7,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,6,4,9,6,3,4,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,2,3,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093300408247149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313623318192078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725971897011007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260046193024449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786132101498439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878010341324536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21694210017355847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389146818016904,0.0,0.0,0.3138900296679981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306450044476717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32538481119795193,0.0,0.2589854010416989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sweetblueberry,2020/03/24,"so so sad, and alone. someone just fucked me up in a group full of child sexual abuse survivors. Like, they told me i didn't belong for no reason at all. I don't know why i care. I just feel so sad and suicidal already. I have nothing. I don't know what to do. I'm only 21 and I have no friends. Please give me some hope there's a good person out there.",-1.2261538461538457,0.7592853589743598,1.0673846153846152,101.30261538461541,92.84615384615385,4.1456410256410265,15.492307692307696,5.6839178017228535,-0.9277630769230774,270,6,68,2,10,90,54,78,0.275,0.537,0.188,-0.9026,0,1,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,7,8,1,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,1,13,15,6,1,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,1,11,5,7,13,3,5,0,2,0,1,7,5,1,2,1,42,12,0,0.0,0.2742606277536685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397388186134092,0.25543898087761474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360047090997065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170409727287508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788374045387201,0.21399537870436308,0.0,0.22205240111210112,0.0,0.19415067519474927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22990741035914544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544257729679289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130872417245952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22210699441702847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760475557579975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211548658049655,0.0,0.25409059878052903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379953760892129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19612844814133495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25319663753748745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22118476911453835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20887064372685668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpd1147,2020/03/24,"I need to open up to my SO I'm not sure if it's the BPD, or just me in general but I'm getting worse and worse the longer I'm alive. It's taken 10 years but I'm almost able to always explain to my SO that it's 'my head' when something is wrong. But I want to be able to tell her more, I just...can't. Even when I used to see psychs I could never open up so they just assumed I'm fine(I'm not). I know she won't judge me, but the things I need to tell her would change anybodies view of me, hell even my own if I didn't already know. I guess it's not so much how to explain it, but more so how to talk in general. Fuck I don't know, I'd normally delete this without posting but that gets me no where you dumb cunt. Fuck sorry, posting...",0.04923694779116517,1.4321301084337392,2.089855421686746,99.79028514056226,82.25301204819277,5.390522088353414,19.5004016064257,6.079149491110277,-0.3799545381526106,562,14,148,4,15,188,88,166,0.244,0.728,0.027000000000000003,-0.9915,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,1,0,14,7,5,0,3,0,7,3,1,3,2,39,28,19,0,8,15,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,2,2,23,1,16,22,4,13,1,0,2,2,10,7,5,6,4,91,32,1,0.29727221759372235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488375925186244,0.0,0.1640236421283216,0.0,0.1236771495094074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720197577599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723729466238145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867383824404402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19634549607959706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27482337498469955,0.1553124642344101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373943122281956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254352914400562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450595546740825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926464225556527,0.2204235826231532,0.11463733022959095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563182818687606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28470461082402004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844373472921965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442733825508275,0.0,0.16638595478062562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008777350494825,0.0,0.0,0.11946807401518347,0.25982902098029115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874722610998043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837387496212552,0.0,0.0,0.08766942799717684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327990478826266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30294578640405795,0.10558682711099217,0.1625102516821043,0.0,0.09571678083892793 bpd,wtfafafa,2020/03/24,"Lamictal used to help... but possibly making me feel worse now? I thought I'd post this here because, while my diagnosis is a big ol' mess, the biggest things lamictal helps me with are BPD symptoms + depression and anxiety. Plus I know lamictal is pretty common for BPD. I've taken lamictal for years, and for the most part it's seemed like it helped. It helped my depression, my overactive mind, and definitely made me a lot less sensitive. But I'm starting to think it might be making me feel worse lately. Sometimes it's almost like when I get up in the morning, pretty much whenever it's been a lot of hours since I've taken lamictal, I feel better in a way. It seems like a lot of days, an hour or 2 after I take it I'll start feeling worse. But I'm also not 100% sure it's not just my emotions changing throughout the day and I'm falsely blaming it on the lamictal. It just seems like pretty often a while after taking it I'll feel generally bad and sometimes flat or sad. &#x200B; Has anyone else taken lamictal or another med and had it work for a long time, only to turn around and make you feel worse?",4.661486486486488,5.534058752252253,5.809027027027027,79.77516216216219,69.58558558558559,9.163243243243244,29.664864864864867,9.3871,2.577668108108108,881,33,171,18,15,294,125,222,0.185,0.667,0.14800000000000002,-0.9109999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,0,2,8,11,0,0,13,0,8,1,0,5,1,47,37,18,0,0,10,0,6,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,15,10,0,0,12,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,7,6,14,6,18,28,7,26,0,3,0,0,5,7,0,13,21,99,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094530070355357,0.0,0.0,0.07263046985984438,0.0,0.0984058013023488,0.11035889777712447,0.0,0.09523498164664916,0.06947872420459479,0.0,0.0,0.06350498463456412,0.0930580631039083,0.0,0.0808510015502568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758327322168673,0.05536436200763488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032484351515712,0.0,0.0,0.22877472943693794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607783089540464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171455937289294,0.0,0.1564500325765509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587028290702053,0.1021627356617748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755345588637847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04745084398298383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435047890780076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17888311825000988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04991349858364251,0.0,0.10245138248988306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748453118733806,0.0,0.0,0.08037477718766002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23164132580177824,0.0,0.0859381490074725,0.1818735445266528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088297498427684,0.0,0.0,0.09634798753643363,0.09170451803276974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676475733074716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907436556034892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835157759664692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238836917624768,0.08698254925024634,0.27719644499992924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480433230808584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512905133676133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796509298505394,0.0,0.1285688223561153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855988360917931,0.094399027135211,0.13657396281732914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06033822517715207,0.05819518997335945,0.0,0.07210267127233176,0.05295914741484905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878845884000433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844120872520811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209042434687991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611963357640796,0.0,0.3702222694571463,0.0,0.0,0.11035889777712447,0.05848651048748425 bpd,bbytrwy,2020/03/25,"just called therapist to make an appointment last night well .. my boyfriend called to make the appointment for me (grateful for that) torn between feeling like I want to get better but also that I don’t deserve to",5.842307692307693,7.8549019487179494,4.910769230769233,83.0092307692308,67.97435897435898,8.276923076923078,33.51282051282051,8.841846274778883,2.9321897435897437,172,8,30,3,3,51,30,39,0.037000000000000005,0.772,0.191,0.4854,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,6,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,7,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22438485750245968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248155885551014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.573020209464327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187292387285752,0.2004509934411916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659482288961315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22871538044902265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708035111232258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745872262778144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26331134631826675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32578245807639994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549713937553304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522808873069284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,esotericspeech,2020/03/25,"If you were shown a trailer of your potential life before being born, would you choose to exist? Would you choose to be born? If you were shown a trailer of your potential life before being born, would you choose to exist? Would you choose to be born? [View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/fp0so6)",5.508461538461539,8.492039076923081,4.123692307692308,84.0213076923077,71.69230769230771,6.467692307692308,20.015384615384615,7.554174236665415,0.7119569230769232,240,5,40,3,5,69,22,52,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,10,2,0,0,0,10,10,2,0,6,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,8,0,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,2,4,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4726284370885125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923153205496541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7891204278925316,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,anonymouse0102,2020/03/25,"Help Needed Hi all, i’m a non BPD married to a person with BPD. In all honesty, any negative thing that could occur in our marriage has happened. most notably physical abuse (which has stopped due to treatment) mental abuse ( comes with the territory ) and infidelity on his part. my Question is when does the blame shift stop. my husband knew and has acknowledged that he was wrong for cheating. After the first time, I started to slowly heal and work towards forgiveness but it happened again and he’s now coasting through the marriage vs putting forth real effort. in his mind, he “stopped cheating” — and often says that what you wanted right? but fails to acknowledge that it will take plenty of time to work through this and that the trust is ruined. Marriage counseling works momentarily, but if he sees that i’m hurt or upset after sometime he just kind of gives up... just like he does with continuing his education or even jobs. when i ask him to tell me his needs it’s always the following: give me more sex stop crying all the time and don’t talk about the affair if i don’t do these things and sweep it under the rug, he’s mad and won’t show real effort other than “no cheating” is he being an asshole, or does he really not get it? he says he hates analogies but i told him that it’s like me stealing money from him 2x, repaying him after that but that it would be normal for him to have issues with me morally. he says that cheating and stealing are two different things so there’s no comparison. I am asking for something he really cannot provide or understand? i can’t change him but can i get him to understand that he has to show me that he is worth my love? or do i leave??",5.187911025145066,6.115428908814589,5.557166344294007,81.85613636363638,68.4224924012158,8.29184857695496,29.54421110804089,8.438071523408619,2.0807799392097266,1337,48,257,19,22,427,177,329,0.218,0.718,0.064,-0.9957,2,0,1,0,2,0,32.0,1,1,0,7,11,19,6,1,12,0,25,3,0,0,3,57,49,26,0,8,17,1,0,2,0,3,1,3,2,1,27,15,0,4,7,2,2,3,9,13,0,2,3,4,29,6,33,40,6,29,1,3,1,2,49,8,0,10,20,171,56,5,0.0,0.2317671941586661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138206219806395,0.0,0.0,0.06651113570735089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828699944216802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463653616959089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034653154994965,0.08425083092551773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808978233707714,0.0,0.10743481669904814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218599490218587,0.0,0.0,0.2567709178741963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459965093650569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319336063757092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219873820343768,0.18764801343694854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297827003175714,0.0,0.0,0.09656274322131443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555700621255241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470287643548068,0.0,0.0,0.10208359551069113,0.09705692813097752,0.0,0.0,0.10184944156429368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356196760739884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556571398645344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827333782685362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985650018661853,0.0,0.0987557358712561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504316910694212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958286841711258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591389200895247,0.0,0.0,0.08540004375481969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832160337263796,0.10956461272067113,0.0,0.0,0.2226482826711764,0.12531349428730265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352541511011505,0.0,0.2333367243687892,0.0,0.0,0.07793836957708297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529549958075085,0.09673220119321517,0.0,0.0692272798235625,0.0,0.0,0.3270793153879261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353761018655205,0.0786124055151112,0.08548637169500624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19493300732705132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109362830516758,0.0,0.0,0.0934574053668978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554182186970786,0.20363807761447325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05768825422025301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21361084086531013,0.0,0.0,0.0694782647023198,0.10693502771269853,0.0,0.0 bpd,madeyoulook404,2020/03/25,"Hi there... I am new to this and Reddit... I am just wondering if anyone has some advice Hi.. I've been trying to figure out how to put this into words. So bare with me please... :) I am seeking support... I am a 21F, For so long I've felt so abnormal about myself. I've always felt like there is something wrong with me. I have never felt comfortable with myself and I honestly have no idea who I am. Recently I've really noticed these things about myself. I also came across borderline personality disorder... and this group. I am 100% not self diagnosing nor asking for a diagnosis. I know that I need to talk to a professional but I really don't have access to one. I don't even have a doctor right now. I don't really have anyone in my personal life to talk to about this either. I'm having a really hard time just trying to understand myself, or even understand what is going on. I honestly just want to vent about it :( Plz leave some advice if you have any... <3 I've noticed things in my past and now, like how I mirror other people and their likes, I change myself around certain people and when something happens that makes me upset my first instinct is to spend my money cause I stop caring about it. I recently hooked up with a guy and it was really out of character for me but at the same time I loved it. I feel so guilty about it but then 5 minutes later I don't anymore but then go straight back to feeling cripplingly guilty. This is a pattern I see in my life in so many places, I feel so guilty about literally everything. Don't even get me started on how empty I feel sometimes, like even when I do something that makes me happy I just don't feel whole as a person. I also feel like everyone hates me or that I do everything wrong even when people tell me I am doing a good job I just feel bad. I get really bad anger outbursts sometimes and I have a lot of mental breakdowns. The smallest thing someone does can cause a complete opinion change of them. I have actually never had a stable friendship or relationship due to this. Idk mannnn like this is all so confusing :( I am sorry for ranting so much. I could go on forever but I'm just tired of feeling so IDEK!! I read so many posts on here that just resonates so close to home. It makes me feel better Thanks for taking the time to read this... <3 Stay safe and clean lovlies",2.927884615384613,4.775167771367523,4.353341880341883,84.69026923076925,75.34615384615384,7.4150427350427375,23.45213675213675,8.238735603445708,1.371261367521368,1839,55,366,32,40,610,213,468,0.154,0.706,0.14,-0.8588,1,0,3,0,0,0,64.0,0,1,2,2,45,26,2,2,15,0,37,6,0,8,4,80,76,42,0,5,19,0,13,6,0,0,5,0,2,5,26,19,0,2,18,2,2,5,11,8,0,2,7,14,59,18,51,68,8,49,0,0,1,1,18,19,0,11,29,261,85,5,0.0,0.0,0.06735192174477203,0.0,0.0,0.13488780189921476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103878469362578,0.057428768997059364,0.0,0.0,0.04693482255307593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844762505961331,0.09651842452702383,0.0,0.0,0.06144093519562435,0.06452280995643069,0.0,0.0,0.05307082581390436,0.11525482422001933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06104109300298161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893856838598734,0.07036877439222898,0.1418016478266323,0.14602445655818747,0.0,0.0723643926379017,0.0,0.0,0.05510551035131346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005213931015375,0.0,0.0,0.07910097117687577,0.07064317238851463,0.0603983946399715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279297384904257,0.0,0.0,0.06594995996559783,0.12405842665740092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314079615292984,0.049306699722294116,0.19880522458879504,0.0,0.0,0.0587069455000585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211844440353579,0.0,0.1176741008736914,0.05788929006118392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833898524437808,0.061032670117083014,0.07347128223471665,0.06182685578774438,0.06814129950016368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923099973546379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779132793764604,0.0,0.0,0.06849003029233511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03793066224366056,0.0,0.0,0.07308043264044664,0.0,0.0,0.0974993573503829,0.202313181713561,0.0,0.0,0.06107903899595021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586769053127471,0.06229172608479758,0.0,0.13821078834891787,0.13994748192736686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955423063121323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05073640461905932,0.05117620780468594,0.10646236240582213,0.06665832099989183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571556235606048,0.0,0.0,0.04676859806052255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588579351860528,0.14354583315100444,0.1807923977103756,0.07210945185549654,0.07576138666461744,0.0,0.0,0.06610046961895198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938247194775614,0.0,0.0,0.13807398942117902,0.0,0.2652894085477362,0.0,0.1362945239493906,0.07409984347514371,0.0,0.05894126592747365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499866311517744,0.0,0.07200115735649573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05847899633784361,0.15940101793257294,0.1365217613528201,0.07726035568700501,0.048851520272445714,0.07356434314104714,0.0,0.05770240376010152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832116865162768,0.0,0.0,0.051893185229456684,0.11094861827519226,0.06032505149010661,0.0635427937343364,0.0,0.0,0.1375581098011747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073540767365752,0.07932640281644637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371781403082884,0.0,0.0,0.1437010048954626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04070879178995981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705648656154387,0.0,0.0,0.07484742106748798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092139074236435,0.0,0.0 bpd,tranzgendered,2020/03/25,"My ferret brings me more joy than I thought I could ever feel Sorry if this sounds really stupid.. In January, I impulse bought the first animal I saw to keep myself from doing something really stupid. We have slowly been bonding since then. His name is Slinky. Whenever I feel like rotting in my bed and not getting up, I remember that he's waiting for me to let him out and is excited to play with me. He relies on me to feed him and give him water and love him. Today, I spent probably 4 or 5 hours assembling a cardboard mansion for him, and afterwards I decided I would cut his nails because they're way too long. I thought he would be scared of the clippers but he sniffed them and chillaxed when I leaned him against my legs. With the hand that wasn't cutting his nails, I was rubbing his face to keep him calm, and that was the first time he'd ever held still long enough to let me pet him like that. He fell asleep in my lap and, while that made it impossible to cut his nails, it made me start bawling. He trusts me enough to fall asleep on me. I cried for like 15 minutes amd hugged him. I'm glad I bought him; the $400 I blew on him and all his stuff is nothing compared to the joy and meaning he has brought to my life. TL;DR Ferret fell asleep on my lap for the first time and I bawled like a baby because I love him, he loves me too, and he gives meaning to my life.",5.914765258215965,4.955076908450708,5.962309859154932,86.03808920187795,66.88732394366197,9.263474178403756,30.905164319248826,8.238735603445708,1.897625164319249,1078,34,240,12,15,341,150,284,0.043,0.77,0.188,0.9932,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,1,3,6,21,5,1,9,0,17,14,6,2,3,41,43,18,0,4,4,0,4,4,0,2,2,1,2,0,9,16,2,4,8,1,3,5,2,6,0,3,14,6,55,15,30,22,4,32,0,0,1,4,37,9,0,2,21,150,64,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152738864685674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268358280997058,0.0,0.12751276072481035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23989148904231866,0.0,0.0,0.2100091451138572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739105922981495,0.08293039221782064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962228283570597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606490691347172,0.2227165920047929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431930072381005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20636148490499992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23740739370262595,0.16398704418654814,0.22685100408717435,0.0,0.0,0.20546127356933702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143108728772745,0.21968286769916712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528988906410132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138567430310116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515812455655478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873269302825814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150047843499085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622027815232787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602583739465097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936709082485368,0.0,0.1299464704816699,0.08216481247879882,0.0,0.09270478699246086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288834212563613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184315368399416,0.13537896160627516,0.0,0.1100340048158146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921420308505561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492540527861174,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Cakes1990,2020/03/25,"I am letting the intrusive thoughts control my life & it's killing me & my relationship. So I get intrusive thoughts, that compel me to do things. Such as live alone because that's what I deserve, or to not eat etc (the same reasoning). Only recently, I got engaged. Now the thoughts are saying that I'm not ready, that it's too soon after a year and I'm better alone where I won't get hurt, that I should hand the ring back. I feel sick every time the wedding is mentioned because I feel not ready due to these competitive thoughts. I told my fiancee this evening that I wanted to wait, because I don't feel ready, and now he's feeling like it's all been a lie. But it hasn't; my mind's just changing how I feel through these thoughts. I take sertraline 50mg a day & have had DBT, but the intrusive thoughts are getting worse. I don't know what to do. I want to see a therapist, but all are away due to the current illness. What should I do?",4.094631245043615,4.766074886597939,4.584639175257732,88.77261300555115,70.75257731958762,7.8249008723235525,31.933386201427442,7.882392219407189,1.9765817605075344,744,33,163,9,13,236,105,194,0.114,0.81,0.076,-0.8237,1,2,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,2,11,5,1,0,11,0,18,5,1,4,2,35,42,9,1,4,8,0,6,1,1,3,3,2,0,0,17,2,1,2,13,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,10,9,22,3,11,28,4,14,0,1,1,0,7,2,0,1,13,103,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358856748395117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701589568584901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069917424883341,0.08756483588000755,0.0,0.20825616189960128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007154723667778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046738840867005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772339807985794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344162336195177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652520203115435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700361273131694,0.07521507282767052,0.0,0.09594677933751768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878996504995923,0.08135417157643553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848901871984468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107830998933107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219083131594898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598867868461056,0.0,0.06258414417429216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644754910882645,0.08043510812070019,0.055634837287158234,0.0,0.10055599648302292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498390096577372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660903714718457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708512668533552,0.11244037979380116,0.1222619119473968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056002863967327,0.0,0.0,0.09074569380525027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562177388838918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322206567098708,0.07565520932939211,0.0,0.0,0.5424365074346467,0.06640293730571492,0.0,0.0,0.10881491539119108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433590366431805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605099094292347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333343300843101 bpd,chars74,2020/03/25,"Anyone on Rexulti? Do you have problems with impulsivity while on it? I been on it for a couple years with an antidepressant for treatment resistant MDD. It has helped my depression a ton. The problem is I think it makes my impulsivity worse. In the past couple years I have run up 10k in cc debt, ended a 13 year relationship, been really promiscuous, and am currently addicted to a hard drug, after being clean off cocaine for over 20 years. (I am 45) and I have had problems on and off with alcohol, and got arrested for the first time as an adult for domestic battery on my ex.(I smacked him when he called me the C-word) I felt stable in my thirties and my psych said I no longer met the criteria for BPD at that time. I don’t want to stop the medication, because I cannot go back to being horrible depressed, but I really need to get this impulsive behavior under control.",6.270176470588236,6.427807429411768,7.490588235294119,71.63764705882356,65.88235294117646,11.505882352941176,34.05882352941177,11.20814326018867,3.936576470588237,693,29,131,20,10,237,111,170,0.145,0.8270000000000001,0.027999999999999997,-0.9275,2,0,3,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,2,2,5,0,0,12,0,15,4,0,2,0,19,25,9,0,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,6,8,1,2,2,0,1,2,3,5,0,1,7,3,18,0,29,16,1,31,0,2,0,0,9,14,0,0,15,92,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876476000212986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556406161264343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183209236390284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198511087584058,0.0,0.08877836689628113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342347071342652,0.0,0.14871066092524166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334318167411369,0.0,0.3222869752591425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508721836458766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889154843879145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899028789258607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983341931490936,0.0,0.0,0.12387792539839355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608881027254685,0.0,0.082768307140874,0.0,0.1164784304114491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046126933794916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976167552639175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721317516183467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671296986656568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798726451532474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902606147859647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4180620116953786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18659632905518064,0.0,0.0,0.15635858421619542,0.0,0.0,0.13853320665773666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175823503361655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331768198360556,0.0,0.0,0.16984307049583056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858998987165897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841554783250213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751392916493852 bpd,jmmm989,2020/03/25,Sessions moved online due to covid19 I just received an email from my therapist and they said that they’re moving all the sessions online. I have severe anxiety thinking about this. I’ve tried so often to read over help and every time something has come in the way of it. I recently just started getting back into therapy again and I really like the woman I’m working with but it just feels like the world is telling me not to do it anymore. I was there last week and she told me that they were going to still have the option to meet in person and I explicitly explain to her why I didn’t want to do online sessions I just don’t know what to do. Something doesn’t want to see me do anything I am I’m supposed to feel bad all the time.,3.1090176600441524,4.6274441788079494,4.165182119205299,87.61258554083885,74.09933774834437,6.622737306843268,26.490618101545248,7.1686216300943375,1.224562472406181,585,21,119,6,12,190,94,151,0.054000000000000006,0.8740000000000001,0.071,0.1119,0,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,1,11,3,0,0,7,0,14,0,0,0,3,26,30,7,0,2,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,7,8,0,0,5,1,0,5,4,1,0,0,5,4,17,2,18,25,2,21,0,0,1,0,14,5,0,2,12,82,24,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310961262305743,0.0,0.1699511056436722,0.0,0.0,0.14102134348533854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317714897579054,0.14308520412431994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476184428140748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443850139581468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329771918534798,0.12242540374697075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953275846318938,0.0,0.0973924395072934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114864424081526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417942522465106,0.13968787240173214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744359349484736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36427433668796905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963201355824335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141447305384888,0.0,0.10978279197409828,0.0,0.1692053231810681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630103044901121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655818733239572,0.0,0.0,0.19359717321639827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638550688917128,0.0,0.0,0.121295222083244,0.0,0.13685478475754875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978327136735564,0.0,0.19597435541274646,0.1989715704521316,0.0,0.10980575792229713,0.0,0.0,0.19985223258033005,0.0,0.0,0.16374956185181902,0.0,0.11634768992478314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021546888762367,0.13602401999156502,0.13746115178228832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463305421481696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475801662861938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sleepy58,2020/03/25,"DAE self-harms in “odd” places to make sure it doesn’t look like self-harm? I find myself cutting in random places - like my ankle, calf, etc.... Then when the doctor is taking staples out I can just lie that it was an accident during a hike or something along those lines 🤷🏻‍♀️",2.035789473684212,3.7822059122807055,2.9331929824561414,94.33768421052632,77.59649122807018,5.261754385964913,18.417543859649122,5.6839178017228535,-0.41558666666666655,215,4,47,1,5,68,51,57,0.12300000000000001,0.747,0.13,0.1027,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,1,8,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,3,5,6,1,7,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,2,4,25,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559008901341163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788327520171411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285091302258455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442893466601204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20994958583379889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16688691711121548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5224248088808904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5216402275051127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19247371920055292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356361267524669,0.0,0.1879801238126668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jayraan,2020/03/25,"What can I do to make my parents understand me better/What can I do to deal with them? So I'm currently living with my parents. Things went fine while I was doing everything they asked of me, but as soon as I hit another low (which i'm currently still in), they started fighting with me again. They'll tell me that they can't see me like that, that they're suffering because I don't do anything. Rationally thinking I'm sure they're trying to tell me that they care about me, but it just feels like they're trying to guilt me for feeling the way I do. I've tried to explain my mental health issues to them hundreds of times, but it always ends up with either of us screaming at the other. It feels like they just don't want to understand it, and that they just want me to function instead of actually being okay. I really just don't know what to do anymore. I split on them constantly and I'm very aware that it's having a major effect on their mental health as well, but I just can't help it. I can't move out either, since i'm only 17 and I can't even imagine being able to hold a job (if i could even get one, since i didn't even finish school yet). I don't want to go to a mental hospital either since I'm extremely afraid of those due to horrible personal experiences, and therapy is really not at all helpful to me at the moment either. If any of you have any ideas on how I could make this situation at least a little better, I would appreciate that immensely. Thanks!",4.619835526315789,4.8829726282894725,5.865789473684213,81.50552631578948,69.42763157894737,9.163157894736845,27.51315789473684,9.134995656068208,2.0270421052631584,1165,35,242,21,19,392,150,304,0.128,0.787,0.085,-0.9043,5,0,0,0,2,0,29.0,1,1,11,2,17,16,1,2,7,1,27,2,0,4,2,48,55,16,0,8,16,2,3,3,0,2,2,1,0,1,20,9,0,1,11,0,0,3,10,6,1,1,3,5,42,10,39,45,7,30,0,2,1,0,24,12,0,2,17,169,62,2,0.1014070912083905,0.0,0.09895869287062008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437882343808421,0.0,0.0,0.13792059883806998,0.10633417697916167,0.0,0.0,0.10056858558046118,0.0,0.0,0.08344939562036284,0.0,0.09480194132877036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181682157404352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793726628279286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339128791530093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958504006711678,0.0,0.16193062151957638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454625826541804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981658359131763,0.0,0.0,0.2009352820502609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113815481111358,0.09919559369700644,0.0,0.0,0.1538234167713928,0.14489049244273816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052981019733043866,0.0,0.05763198686106227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21558199189030208,0.0,0.0,0.1359420713344849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144762626607078,0.0,0.10584265683213824,0.10063089065346156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05573068530358583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862714748316938,0.10163654598955044,0.08954431940104449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353800416411378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065834902069787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777968953252808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871606943895366,0.0771246624425205,0.0,0.0,0.2252011481335391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854476058931847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992795861013748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262939016910758,0.08080832247272897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25165498127863983,0.1139858193087974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177646109673283,0.0,0.0809838340319005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557498336027907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772685348292138,0.09336202511230424,0.1159678465124262,0.0,0.06737036542308762,0.06497756940745802,0.0,0.0,0.05913129037783785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065462751826207,0.0,0.0,0.2111367165221736,0.12198024479787653,0.0,0.0,0.0836714704566549,0.17943758928553588,0.08049222888965306,0.0,0.0,0.09117715349840796,0.09400538950435043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203668808285603,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hashedslungslasher,2020/03/25,"I’m horrible I’m so fucking horrible and evil. I split and say horrible things I don’t mean. I’m so terrified of him abandoning me. I don’t know how to cope. I can’t go to therapy, my insurance is shit my parents won’t let me anyway. Sometimes I think the best place for me would be a mental hospital. At least that way I couldn’t split and hurt the person I love the most in the world. God take me away from my own misery. Sometimes I research ways to take myself out. I’m getting my vehicle back this week after being at a mechanic I’m thinking of driving myself to the nearest hospital, at least that way I’ll be safe and forced to get help. If I don’t I’m afraid for what I might do to me or others. Sorry for the ramble, this is the only understanding place I can go when nobody in my life gets it..",0.8805677154582767,2.8115353604651183,3.38030095759234,88.848146374829,82.02325581395348,6.837756497948017,22.326949384404926,7.928766900206844,1.1266124487004108,630,21,138,12,17,219,97,172,0.20600000000000002,0.7070000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9712,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,6,9,3,1,9,0,16,4,1,1,0,19,36,10,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,8,5,0,2,5,0,0,3,6,6,0,0,0,1,24,3,20,28,5,21,0,2,0,2,6,11,2,4,4,94,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478447947252174,0.1184953986927173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172118699088886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246538432426936,0.24153676784665554,0.0,0.17516013471921346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032917344423756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497003650626993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469076703275619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758036453524127,0.10884723427923784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908362654009726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786292438594835,0.0,0.0,0.15529919052534294,0.16347852180406153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720198278235057,0.0,0.0,0.17111271706235068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455645933997953,0.3220088670597511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254858461662498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15818411970927534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048228531144518,0.1725052608447301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23173197623725145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622977034596748,0.0,0.10237892988176216,0.19748546650969312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604262568604191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669584485300925,0.1236118223686181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947007622466724,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,suicidethrow48188,2020/03/25,"How much that one small action can mean to us. I had a rough time with a new therapist today - afterwards, my husband went to the store and bought me a Twix candy bar. I burst into tears over the gesture. Afterwards, when we had lunch, he had leftover wings because I swore yesterday that I was burned out on wings and he could have the rest. I don't like the drums very much, but I love the flats (the parts with 2 bones in them). When he had only a couple left, I caved from the smell of them and noticed he had a flat left, and finally asked if I could have one. ""Yeah! I know these are your favorite and it was the only one of those left, so I was saving it for you."" I had to take a moment to just sit there and cry again as I held it in my hands. I almost didn't want to eat it anymore, some ancient voice rising up to tell me I was unworthy of such kindness and consideration like that. There's something so powerful in how simple the act of my husband just wanting to keep me fed is. Just little things like that always prove that he loves me, even when my BPD gets the better of me and convinces me that he either doesn't or shouldn't. He's only ever been patient with me and my condition. He makes me want get better someday, to be the best possible partner I could be for him, through ways that he shows me love like this. Just had to share somewhere and felt only you guys would understand why this is such a big deal.",4.535340136054423,4.607166819727894,5.028299319727894,88.10360544217687,69.57823129251702,8.029931972789115,26.197278911564627,7.594959193182576,1.1231442176870745,1111,29,246,11,18,355,162,294,0.061,0.777,0.162,0.9891,1,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,2,3,2,4,18,14,0,0,18,1,28,9,2,3,2,47,48,21,0,9,8,2,3,4,1,2,0,1,0,2,16,16,4,2,6,3,2,4,4,0,0,3,18,5,37,14,30,23,7,34,0,0,0,3,28,14,0,4,18,170,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774296819791683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952941901914767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670742577019927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058877788548652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559020256066382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129165338695379,0.19032180867852275,0.0,0.0,0.1355147995967202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577226229640764,0.11905416110327377,0.11819037834265188,0.0,0.11092790088495168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009871018842092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106687961665689,0.09732775047507146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103310103781593,0.1178673800638178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243010325267254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065380601419572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956372595089136,0.0,0.1120458376746906,0.05913256043953055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35071374048025145,0.0,0.0,0.2102660615931346,0.10784057590272482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291331791198104,0.0,0.07182190969878187,0.0,0.0,0.11720480129751636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15819251946345486,0.0,0.0,0.10391796404721387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250002845867446,0.0,0.0,0.21873176906750474,0.3273298175622684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651719017073332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212995802823485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283351576683777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080899639776088,0.0,0.09404462095445518,0.0,0.0,0.12492854344187868,0.07148274211079303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627407429692947,0.0,0.10198948392157202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112012391223441,0.1294260811372988,0.0,0.0,0.08877888827116567,0.19039069833343505,0.08540558157148101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974360347853016,0.0970896605335568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643390331051635,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pretty-weird-ideas,2020/03/25,"“Chameleon effect” on Creativity I have severe fear that the creative projects I am working on have already been done before. But, due to my chameleon effect and the things I am often inspired by, I end up screwing around with new concepts and it ends up being something that is already made. I was working really hard on worldbuilding for my indie game and then I realized I just remade the world of FF7, thew all of it away then accidentally made a worse version of Fire Emblem. Now I’m remaking the concept entirely. I always have mediocre or sometimes good ideas that need the inspiration of others or approval from others. Otherwise I get too much in my head and rework it. So I need to work past that and make something that I want, that simultaneously doesn’t subconsciously copy another work. Does anyone who works in the creative field or have creative hobbies have an issues with this? This also applies to storytelling as well: I have spent one too many w DND or Vtm game unintentionally creating my favorite character from another media, later catching on halfway through the process. I always get to making it my own eventually, but the character is always inconsistent due to how self conscious I am about their personality. Sorry for the word vomit. TLDR; I can be really creative but out of self consciousness I give up too easily or go too far into source material I am inspired by.",7.457159090909091,8.520127213438734,7.787151679841897,67.3963796936759,63.42687747035573,10.277569169960476,36.36585968379447,10.270032843473604,4.046043675889329,1127,52,178,25,16,369,151,253,0.053,0.816,0.131,0.9578,0,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,9,13,7,1,1,11,0,19,3,1,7,1,39,32,19,0,3,9,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,16,10,0,0,9,2,1,2,1,2,1,1,6,2,23,5,34,24,4,27,0,0,0,1,8,15,1,6,10,133,39,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592774038262292,0.09394625007815777,0.29325062370283744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463695861868968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214259358642557,0.0,0.0,0.10457936490521587,0.0,0.0,0.11037343297073256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996420590760634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280484391443072,0.12021967576025325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080993633537992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219419496137158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275368351181967,0.1126945657939936,0.06676484060656775,0.09853406641902143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523624505033828,0.0,0.1205652114955668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261714277183026,0.0,0.12261538249252554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22231900340145472,0.15683351197436865,0.1191031576378944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635905289757312,0.17421529452411594,0.0,0.11345994089479874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960540097744287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214501244998362,0.0,0.1025763148083766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051744559588254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451080955980985,0.13271548055541801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808789440629109,0.11618767725915218,0.13150579339934088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804644528258696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929093084110244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056258590382661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42762298268427373,0.0,0.11971901730100795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,eftlokir,2020/03/25,"I feel alone. I feel like im completely alone. I do have plenty of friends and some of them know i have BPD, but i still feel like im completely alone. I have noone to relate to in terms of emotions and feelings. I feel like im a worthless good for nothing waste of air. I would do anything to feel things like a normal person.",0.905093167701864,2.9274720144927566,2.277474120082818,96.2908695652174,82.47826086956522,5.102277432712215,21.45134575569358,6.1826913282559595,0.08905631469979358,255,8,58,2,7,82,37,69,0.125,0.602,0.273,0.9011,0,3,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,1,7,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,13,13,3,0,2,1,0,6,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,9,6,9,12,2,5,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,7,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4328526510932356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464111076696555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17545737028613062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29212993692015143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670616229834253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42263906717472455,0.2985714911964255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763135915568506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684748560349675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4514394672667888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656170089083628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722413370151629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649523461337373,0.1336726941925234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216410212571695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112539715664425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255206065260596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896256139902927,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Valonquaar,2020/03/25,"If I were to kill myself right now, it would make one hell of a story. I am a sixteen year old and I am pretty sure I have BPD. I got it from my father, who is the reason I will be killing myself. I have known nothing but abuse all my life, and so has my mother. I don't know how to describe what I am going through, because such matters might seem trivial to the outside world, but they are eating me up inside. I have nothing but hatred for myself, and that has ruined any chance I have at future relationships. I hate that I sound like my father, I hate that I talk to myself the way he does. I hate the fact that he wants me to die. I hate the fact that my mother has to suffer so much because of me. Everything about me needs fixing. I've had good grades first two years of high school, with only 2 Bs. I was one of the toppers in sophomore year at my school. Now in junior year, I'm failing three classes and my father is losing his job. We have no savings, and I obviously don't have a shot at college. He doesn't have money for tuition, and I am the worst version of myself I can possibly imagine. I often fail to act in self interest, and I don't think I will in the future. I simply don't want to. My life has been ruined. I have been robbed of a normal childhood, and I won't have a normal future either. I am sure of it. Nothing about me has been normal. I have no friends at all. I don't any have people I can truly confide in, and therapy's fucking expensive. With a month long quarantine in place in my country, I am confident I won't come out of this alive. I just need to find the courage to kill myself. I hope a few more days of this bullshit will suffice this need. I just want to say that life will never be easy for people like us, and yet people expect us to be grateful. What did I do wrong? I was born like this, with BPD. I didn't ask for it. Nor did I do anything to deserve it. Now I am like this, drowning in a pool of self-hate and anger, with my ambitions nowhere to be found. People expect me to be grateful to God for the gift that is life, when he failed to give me a normal one. Fuck God.",2.1144193445752464,3.2776857171492217,3.736082723512567,91.12580400890872,76.01559020044544,6.022297168310533,22.85084314349348,6.1826913282559595,0.34254293350302234,1633,45,365,10,35,545,198,449,0.20800000000000002,0.636,0.156,-0.9872,1,1,0,0,1,3,55.0,3,0,1,5,14,32,11,0,19,0,60,7,0,3,8,61,84,20,5,15,7,5,0,4,1,8,4,2,0,1,20,18,1,0,8,1,3,3,13,20,0,6,12,2,69,12,54,59,8,42,1,7,0,2,22,18,3,5,24,266,89,10,0.0,0.09451931432723286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849830520674277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564732223912849,0.0,0.07457805470056778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725915389804714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20094548019195865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871836024496136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05144772248702541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279296540281647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981088985938284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816288636118198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169585558633837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291212119124217,0.06785584502229593,0.0,0.08746822989745401,0.061633304756539865,0.14749981891312414,0.0,0.07652662677007505,0.04533748368845196,0.06691076603259011,0.06380266941846982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150418008715068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428576165984944,0.0,0.07923372364411686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916352727096683,0.0,0.26477480810279563,0.0,0.04384178255018085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253873447438835,0.15589446628944795,0.0,0.0,0.07059760593771375,0.0,0.08924686023839244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05324985970415925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846277587943746,0.0,0.0,0.06367495960809008,0.0,0.05864317381008961,0.1774545479778089,0.061526736764986115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126468887407752,0.22963632430429226,0.0,0.08370954330142695,0.0,0.1621710709800958,0.06067183027881275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22122138416895834,0.0,0.08334700005375698,0.0,0.0,0.08993335960152017,0.0,0.08115898244109282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202110505343367,0.0,0.08564757461313888,0.0,0.06812668198158255,0.0,0.0634396001693605,0.0,0.16147138268770495,0.0,0.07262338340073171,0.16644365784635987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037237080050414,0.0,0.0,0.06411943410607025,0.0,0.0,0.09122868455528227,0.0,0.0,0.051116049499175364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779277457750743,0.0,0.1919169426578804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115856871185745,0.06332100128925736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056669262137362786,0.08722050188042094,0.0,0.20548772958595787 bpd,mellowjellie,2020/03/25,"BPD is making me have a severe identity crisis Everyone knows being borderline means that you don’t have a “stable” sense of self or whatever but lately ive been saying to myself “i don’t know who the fuck i am.” When i think about my core personality, i don’t know what’s me and what traits I’ve adopted from people who i thought were cool throughout my life? I tailor/tweak my personality any way i can to present myself as likable as possible to whoever I’m with or talking to. I don’t know if anyone else has ever experienced bpd identity crisis’ before or knows the feeling I’m talking about.",4.100270774976657,5.579727579831936,5.928011204481795,76.11192343604111,71.52100840336134,8.650233426704013,28.348272642390288,9.150863307647796,2.50550345471522,478,18,88,10,9,165,77,119,0.084,0.858,0.057999999999999996,-0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,4,2,1,0,4,1,14,2,0,1,1,18,27,9,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,5,2,0,0,9,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,4,17,1,11,23,0,5,0,0,0,1,9,0,1,4,4,58,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394646188822645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171617616050774,0.17168489477716076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425811135274806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4220715974627301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399747759961509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156750127187446,0.0,0.16011064260980284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472330816581966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490640579388615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604326302560195,0.0,0.18901483907858704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835249610125445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184751868283208,0.0,0.0,0.18252182736187972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616492060422698,0.29261364213589725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18889858441176716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325033914821233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17480149463337985,0.18929496641443688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693565633394956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073656030854298,0.0,0.1330238253156012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300123068986527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,iamatotalfuckwad,2020/03/25,"I'm really struggling I have never been diagnosed with BPD. I have severe anxiety issues and have thought maybe perhaps I'm more manic bipolar than anything...but now I am utterly lost as to what I am. Every description I read about BPD resonates with my day-to-day life. I think I am doing well in my relationships and communication, only to have an experience completely rock me back to this place of self loathing, giving up or even wishing I was dead. Unlike bipolar describes, these feelings can completely diminish within a few hours and I can become really energetic and can hardly sit still (which may be the anxiety). I am either constantly worried about my partner abandoning me (even though he has been with me for 8+ years) or telling him he should just move on with his life and find someone better for him...which I dont want, but I get so confused that sometimes I truly feel like I am burdening him with my constant mood swings and that if I truly love him, I should let go. With the coronavirus shutting work down, I lost my job. I am so blessed to have family and friends that have helped us, but when I have no financial control I just cannot get ahold of myself. After panicking in my head for days, not really thinking anymore just reacting, I made a horrible fucked up mistake in an effort to get some money. (Falls under the description of ""poor sexual choices out of desperation""). Instead of being a team with my partner in this time of stress, I completely turned my back on him and selfishly made a decision that he would not have wanted, though in my head I thought it was helpful. This mistake deeply hurt my partner because about 4 years ago I did the same thing (again for financial reasons) and it ruptured our trust. It has taken those years to build a somewhat healthier relationship and I never thought I would again do something so drastic. In the moment and even hours after, I was trying to justify myself. (Which I regret). I truly DONT feel like this was okay at all. I dont even really remember the experience, as I I've already compartmentalized it and dont want to think about it. If I had thought more about the consequences of my actions, I KNOW I wouldn't have done it..but that whole reasoning process went completely out the window in my state of panic (still not an excuse). I feel like I'm forcing my partner to be in his head about it all because I dont know what to say for myself. I don't expect him to stay with me, but I dont want to give up. Is it selfish of me to ask for forgivness if I promise to go to therapy and work on myself? Or should I tell him that I think my internal struggles are destroying us and then best thing to do now is let go? I feel devastatingly guilty and just want the best option for him now. He is an amazing guy and deserves the best, which I am not giving him. There is so much more I wish I could explain regarding the BPD aspect of this situation and my life being affected by not getting help for so many years. I am about to turn 25 in April, and feel like it's all getting worse as I get older. I am turning to Reddit as I am so ashamed to talk to any friends or even a therapist about this. I dont even know what I'm hoping for with this post. Someone to relate and tell me I'm not evil and awful and just confused? Or give me the hard truth and tell me I dont deserve forgiveness? Honestly looking for opinions because my mind is not helping me at all.",6.854428898707247,6.167226836524304,7.3195888561610225,76.17845381279659,64.87628865979381,10.607772868597614,35.06140566192113,9.994966539143718,3.3188428735067923,2718,110,528,52,36,895,283,679,0.163,0.69,0.147,-0.4405,1,0,1,0,0,0,73.0,3,0,0,11,40,43,3,7,22,2,66,11,3,7,7,123,123,47,1,22,24,0,8,4,6,7,6,1,1,6,31,33,0,2,25,3,2,7,21,20,1,0,19,10,93,22,88,90,17,64,1,5,1,2,48,24,1,16,33,393,124,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043665104443049434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05435849786643318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03349778849679586,0.0,0.07536595384773592,0.0,0.04885166157306898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046050487113172674,0.0,0.0,0.0757542141106041,0.0,0.09008343200696277,0.054402661853476524,0.0,0.0,0.15508274870611222,0.043565555632277965,0.0,0.0,0.18611984349518645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20658836977958567,0.10646289315756416,0.0552481229927399,0.039329278994692164,0.0,0.0,0.09530388091657252,0.0,0.0,0.049996817260915004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05040902825991598,0.4618491641694074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19521050912971372,0.0,0.04150280641830498,0.0,0.0,0.09636944866742336,0.04643697261221437,0.0,0.14944089060727872,0.14076247092696745,0.0,0.0,0.045021805821999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611471545694996,0.045539123655919216,0.15441467119316402,0.1890147687031631,0.08398502280817087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04877412439800104,0.0,0.0,0.08825272264565237,0.0,0.15166174209859562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206899598008254,0.0,0.0,0.04892527143878842,0.09702032520394033,0.0,0.05273274576567258,0.0,0.0,0.05141356639068269,0.04888192655415559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121432439281302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074126764690468,0.1043792009888808,0.09626177753899633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041365128283829516,0.0,0.10754396843472558,0.0,0.0444581432715386,0.09322005615394847,0.0,0.04994086368347063,0.049487255828694815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04973751715226174,0.0,0.0,0.052354489099192936,0.03621101047298458,0.0,0.07598310816465932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03746366608253453,0.0,0.0577947873993459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05146513900513306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04717647644945495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04927229978667904,0.0,0.1262262291205039,0.10129284965762383,0.0,0.10577139741261768,0.055800810105809666,0.0,0.0,0.039172709744086716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05138784828524606,0.055648614650965864,0.0,0.0,0.05536914571148358,0.0,0.0,0.08347393019819163,0.037921961381239995,0.04871838049281277,0.0,0.0,0.05250350748972875,0.07867655352179106,0.0,0.05642598325948967,0.10299234061049188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03959249387585639,0.17221804246420686,0.0,0.0563319247107251,0.0571934603518803,0.06545094122000024,0.1262526349441051,0.0967933750806149,0.15642447835994264,0.028723301309690724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03344360692145635,0.1607388415992032,0.0,0.0,0.11850495068757726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14527108265915928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044289729443757406,0.045663558332904204,0.0,0.05499588043026756,0.11329076809428228,0.0,0.0,0.07172223309505192,0.05002487472617027,0.05019909834402607,0.06998431740402479,0.0,0.0,0.12688464564014998 bpd,ExternalFile,2020/03/25,"I wanted him to be in love with me, now he is and I don't care anymore. Hey guys! So I've been talking to this guy for a few weeks now, he became my fp quite quickly, I fell in love and got addicted and shit and I always wanted him to love me back. Now he told me he loves me too and I literally don't now if I care anymore or if I want him to love me back. I'm so confused, I did not consent to that messy shit. Is this bpd typical and can anyone relate or even explain this behaviour?",-0.4009591326105095,1.28033812844037,2.456196830692246,95.1020433694746,85.1467889908257,5.431526271893245,20.00083402835696,6.574015621080383,0.0407908256880738,372,11,92,4,11,131,62,109,0.157,0.6659999999999999,0.177,0.6682,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,11,10,2,1,1,0,8,8,2,0,0,17,22,12,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,0,17,7,9,17,1,11,0,0,0,5,18,2,2,5,8,62,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534738338057955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714241595311772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792370550776331,0.09843847979453617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21650628634530453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17731077891578068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870745232372185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929855913704087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259672027146855,0.0,0.0,0.2787938510651631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6353090458753062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973964341153964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890226683473842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131557355171739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345238245099265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491117067676926,0.0,0.11292732420271515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,milkj,2020/03/25,"DAE find comfort in thinking that they’re unlovable and that they’ll be alone forever This is something I find myself constantly repeating in my head to soothe myself. I feel so lonely, yet it seems inevitable that I’ll ruin any relationship that isn’t a professional one. Being close to people is just... stressful. They’ll always walk away in the end, because I’m just too much. I’m too difficult to care about. No one can understand me and attempting to understand me is exhausting and futile. I feel sorry for anyone who cares about me because I don’t have anything to offer. I have nothing to give. I’m not the kind of person I’d want to be with. I kinda just suck, to be honest. There are too many things wrong with me and it’ll probably take my entire lifetime to figure out even a third of it, haha. Deciding that I’m simply unlovable and will be this way forever feels comforting. Thinking about it makes my chest and hands hurt but it’s almost like it allows me to finally give up. It feels like I will eventually reach acceptance, and that would make being alive a bit less painful. No one will hurt me and no one will be hurt by me. I won’t feel disappointed or lonely anymore. Less suffering for future me if I can just accept this ASAP. Anyone have similar thoughts?",3.523066812705366,5.671195437751006,4.604813800657173,82.20728641840088,74.5421686746988,7.740124132895218,25.776013143483024,8.575989854853784,1.9647493975903616,1020,36,189,20,22,333,136,249,0.20800000000000002,0.675,0.11699999999999999,-0.9757,0,5,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,2,1,14,27,1,1,5,1,27,5,3,3,0,44,51,12,0,3,8,0,6,2,0,9,2,0,0,1,18,12,0,0,17,0,0,1,7,16,0,5,1,6,24,11,26,34,4,15,0,8,0,0,8,7,1,5,8,131,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480869592195947,0.11874621801271686,0.0,0.0,0.09540071167667867,0.0,0.0,0.07796816042167559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137052431613142,0.1603364750907575,0.0,0.09434987840299856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772052849520533,0.0,0.0,0.13978314774870992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517168424120026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337933155829281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238994618026598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154877309076342,0.0,0.0,0.07572740855851989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898607105943945,0.08190832445278459,0.0,0.12559706144355628,0.2095820372821872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21997174245881584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766734032711006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.368216115078164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939374533737325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112027600185517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306390624017188,0.1162404279805612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428335123850618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001291210883844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107681127083083,0.0,0.12199917106304338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948614651963502,0.1001108196496785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236156251034516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309471239094788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437603788489797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826569457741733,0.0,0.12834495751268887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133494216036046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086204996006677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617054309837143,0.1469303816268767,0.0,0.09102189554850404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23871621097055026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762547371438107,0.09100643511757134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144639887018809,0.12535536052316318,0.0,0.0 bpd,moonqvveen,2020/03/25,"why do relationships when you have bpd SUCK? i just want to be loved. but i don’t know how to be. it’s like i set a certain unrealistic bar for how i should be treated, but that’s hard when i’m dodging every act of affection. i hate myself.",-0.1587820512820528,1.93012786538462,2.7669230769230784,90.66141025641028,87.65384615384615,5.7743589743589725,20.2051282051282,7.1686216300943375,0.4200282051282054,187,6,44,3,6,66,39,52,0.183,0.5720000000000001,0.245,0.5474,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,5,6,2,0,1,0,7,2,0,3,1,10,13,6,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,7,4,4,9,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,3,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4526052550008751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027789180796517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219187590703356,0.3547966704281447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974965662513228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755666626608318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243392358558572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858214905949148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21196167214562206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242693100274667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RudeGold4,2020/03/25,"lashing out, anger, reactivity Today I lashed out verbally at my mother for a minute. I don't understand why I am so easily triggered by her. It can be really disproportionate. I care too much about what I think she thinks of me. In general with some people I have moments of intense defensiveness. Once the switch has flipped I don't want to show any weakness and I feel like my desire to prove myself or be right surpasses my empathy and love for the person. I don't totally know how to begin working on this. I'm scared to get close to new people because I haven't conquered some bad behaviors like this one. My anger today escalated quickly from a bit of fear and frustration to raising my voice and insulting her. Yes I did apologize but I know this isn't enough. My family dynamics are so dysfunctional. I look back on the moment trying to understand my reaction and ugh. I don't understand myself sometimes!",3.8490517241379294,6.2482437183908095,5.469640804597702,75.21756465517242,74.45977011494253,9.40747126436782,28.69109195402299,9.827888789773867,3.2762885057471265,733,31,129,22,16,248,113,174,0.121,0.755,0.124,-0.2688,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,7,15,5,2,5,1,14,2,0,2,2,29,29,10,0,2,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,9,0,1,9,1,0,0,6,10,0,1,1,3,27,5,22,26,6,16,0,0,1,1,8,8,0,3,10,92,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986484338822762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422797508044255,0.1348940139099373,0.09848413475878352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17637927342937562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16471894336622128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693239351204306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523023146424232,0.1817974396419504,0.08168847745444639,0.11541692390238292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440728193695705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17757588248252235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785796000541702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356678618074018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581222125532786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876357136007523,0.0,0.0,0.1560335290262085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720537832827002,0.10947574576628576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22400767163632265,0.14106603853156113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103498062977629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796947762831982,0.0,0.0,0.16174754080734416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597847942553859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20703942839110034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062758060312729,0.0,0.0,0.10968714060376554,0.0,0.0,0.5045620992723747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529097568165393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578078490957144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176160018324128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheShanoMac,2020/03/25,"Wrote something based on how I feel and my current situation I wish I was the only person left in the world, So I didn't care what other people think of me I wish I wasn't always so perplexing to you girl, Loving will be over in a week you'll see I'm feeling you so much it puts my stomach in a whirl, I'm terrified of when you decide you're leaving me I melt inside when I see your eyes, want our love to unfurl, But in due time your heart will start to bleed from me",2.7093758668515946,3.1389470388349534,4.3543966712898765,90.05145631067963,73.75728155339806,7.050762829403608,22.481276005547848,6.868970318607317,0.4259081830790565,367,8,86,3,7,124,69,103,0.068,0.773,0.159,0.8123,1,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,1,6,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,0,7,6,3,1,0,11,22,8,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,5,20,3,12,14,1,16,0,0,3,2,12,8,0,0,7,54,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663502822335207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20383277728229965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021721229049225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369073403134145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116874661915284,0.21721474479647884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608730048018212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469649336959807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204892462019842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860004474608756,0.17456330053168936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20097581738448134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31862229650594004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22471957346680985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390894833419222,0.0,0.0,0.14150510844615208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810130041348958,0.0,0.0,0.11657553924538255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791858195658347,0.0,0.16036456223095327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4597985530882816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,VolatileMoon,2020/03/25,"Screenshots So I'll start this right out and say I fucked up. Recently my FP broke up with me and I've been being an udiot and trying to reach out to them and spam them with messages because my impulse control is nonexistent. She is on reddit and has been posting on BODLO. She just posted screenshots of a small snippet of our conversation to the sub. She has BPD as well, and I've asked her multiple times and informed her how that sub functions. I understand seeking validation and honestly she has every right to be angry. I've been posting anonymously venting about things myself because in my eyes it's more complicated than what it is. It always is honestly. She has asked me to stop. I have asked her to stop. Now, let me be clear. I am not villainizing or invalidating at all. I'm just so..-idk I can't put a name on the teeling- that she would post screenshots.",2.7701764705882357,5.209507664705885,3.858235294117648,85.21205882352943,78.23529411764707,6.8235294117647065,26.470588235294123,7.928766900206844,1.7408235294117644,693,28,133,12,17,224,103,170,0.1,0.831,0.068,-0.765,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,2,1,7,6,2,0,5,0,19,2,1,2,2,26,26,12,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,8,12,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,3,2,24,3,22,18,2,23,0,1,1,1,20,12,1,1,6,96,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741688941013654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4294691955387773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18669393094739456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19286257436741813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717489392197421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901909767908093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156673127028366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658636815844104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5866269728210514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393850346368773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119794998701735,0.0,0.0,0.26154531582451,0.0,0.12177556413624856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083865955126077,0.0,0.0,0.2560480026648796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173313695151164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929165849628372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396559559493006,0.0,0.0,0.15941430896619255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768275985220896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877955326861054,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hydrefg,2020/03/25,"DAE struggle to maintain their long term relationship due to not being able to trust your own emotions? I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years. Four in November. I know I love him more than anything when my head is in a good place, but when it’s not... I question wether or not he’s really the one for me. Which everyone says isn’t good. But nobody who says that has bpd. My head is not in a good place most of the time but *i know* he’s the only person I’d ever want to be with. It sucks that I only get to enjoy my relationship 25% of the time when I’m semi okay with my emotions. Does anyone else struggle with this?",-0.35332485156912696,1.9026822213740504,1.5704707379134852,96.76561280746395,93.19847328244276,4.43782866836302,16.438083121289228,6.139981653823899,-0.4773158608990671,485,12,110,5,18,159,80,131,0.057,0.777,0.166,0.9326,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,0,4,10,1,2,6,1,7,3,2,0,1,18,14,7,0,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,7,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,3,0,3,1,2,14,7,17,11,4,15,0,0,0,1,13,5,1,3,10,69,21,0,0.141586572506593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900062354839427,0.14507217546004178,0.11651368521510515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17832333159911412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390336373559435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182774133370935,0.3185316740765133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807316081646672,0.0,0.1352920375893158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397314036442038,0.0,0.0,0.3562682984672911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290617342237843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562455488172786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252996611987325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778740959606286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959427258197648,0.21536593705314616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362793386406845,0.2958556662071617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860936481673588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070398387911624,0.0,0.0,0.3040219831530169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251906506522917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960340546492342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512053807529828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835114288459894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117711059612138 bpd,olivia-celestine,2020/03/25,"help :( my ex traumatized me so much. i’m so devastated. it’s been months but i’m still so affected. i can’t eat properly, i can’t even sleep for no longer than an hour without feeling a heavy pain on my chest. i just want to feel okay again. i can’t even go to the therapist because of the lockdown and i feel worse than before. can you just suggest some coping ideas or whatever can ease the pain and uneasiness that i feel? i’m desperate. :(",0.6147152847152846,2.9790681538461565,2.5484515484515486,91.5260939060939,87.24175824175825,6.825574425574428,22.558441558441558,8.00094639256281,1.3311670329670329,346,13,76,8,11,115,63,91,0.263,0.5870000000000001,0.149,-0.9048,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,9,3,0,0,5,1,6,5,2,1,0,15,15,7,0,1,5,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,5,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,1,4,10,1,8,14,2,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,4,47,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995275361771386,0.0,0.18140076370918912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21813670335155527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28160720158354313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4311615311458911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115529718855217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428902849789179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20993968817979128,0.0,0.0,0.2406546499451567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701585096296865,0.0,0.1567120751531926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.453677813786886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21333429140341345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024609099902965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24751879994130044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573928496280054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054982356927713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172489739876381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mew-moo,2020/03/25,"Freaking tf out My boyfriend (23) and I (26) are in a Long Distance Relationship (FL to MO) and the only way we communicate is through Discord rn. He only has an old laptop because his grandma (who he lives with) doesn’t want to pay for a phone plan for him. He has an old phone, but no service. He connects to WiFi thru the Ethernet so there’s no real WiFi thru the house. Well, lately his laptop has been crashing and it’s starting to look like it’s gonna die for good any day now. When it crashes, it takes at least a couple hours for him to get it work again. Idk how he does it, but he does it. It crashed again tonight around 8p my time, and he hasn’t come back online. I’m freaking tf out that it’s not gonna fix this time. I have no other way of getting in contact with him. He has my phone number memorized, and written down on his desk, but no way to call or text me. His grandma isn’t very nice to him (very much a ‘only do things for you if it’ll benefit me’ kind of person), and I very much doubt she will let him borrow her phone to tell me he’s okay. For hours I have been on and off crying, rapid thought switching between ‘he will fix it’ ‘everything’s gonna be fine’ ‘he will figure out a way’ to total negative depressive meltdown to feeling completely numb. I’ve been switching for hours now and I’m so mentally exhausted. What the hell can I do",2.8075037593984966,3.805475915789476,3.9870676691729336,90.64947368421056,74.05263157894737,6.972431077694236,26.203007518797,7.2636822038024595,1.048563909774436,1056,36,238,11,21,345,155,285,0.18,0.741,0.078,-0.9873,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,1,1,0,2,12,15,1,1,11,1,23,2,0,1,1,31,38,17,1,2,6,0,1,1,0,7,2,0,0,1,17,16,0,0,4,0,2,1,9,7,1,0,5,2,24,8,37,24,4,35,1,1,1,0,34,12,1,3,19,145,41,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831285910742692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088210863335416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939963706492952,0.0,0.0745174444634341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482250805045472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053004552875302,0.12816816335315515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525818631141842,0.13427683724737824,0.07883582469195352,0.0,0.1052866518376739,0.0,0.12686765109708148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139491821404352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986301489963166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061809108613520077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773255224208893,0.0,0.0,0.10253059155883693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611505401562145,0.14105058266301046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729598568567382,0.0,0.0,0.13789403378005333,0.0,0.0,0.12500048538016298,0.0,0.05972115100887121,0.0,0.10794171680261742,0.10818011403285753,0.10265229402144156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231909461059336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797235230787098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256544335171263,0.0,0.0,0.1859407392351213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673679286210856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391378890671607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124190636806585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652334942764946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191059302722558,0.0,0.10684468938141664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121199595943268,0.0,0.0,0.0970463057347304,0.14256031075631714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025867714078174,0.07210135932671931,0.3881192881350794,0.0,0.0,0.10991002609238806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899345976917676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Waffle_and_honey,2020/03/25,"It has been an uphill battle for a long time but I am starting to really feel stable and comfortable with how things are going. I just wanted to say to everyone still struggling, that things can get better This is just a rant. I don't have anyone in my life that I talk to other than my therapist once a week. I was diagnosed with BPD last August (2019). I was diagnosed with PTSD back in 2013 after spending 6 months in the hospital following a failed suicide attempt. I posted here only once before, on an account that I deleted. I made a post on r/offmychest about something horrible that happened back in Afghanistan while I was working as a medic in the U.S. Army. I posted here because I needed some support, fell asleep, and when I woke up my other post had almost 60k upvotes. Hundreds of comments. I wasn't expecting that and it freaked me out. Deleted everything. I regret that. After almost 9 months of intense therapy things came back full circle. And now my therapist is asking me to hand write a detailed account of that day and read it out loud to her. I want every single one of you to know that things can get better if you want them to. I have burned every bridge that I have ever had. From family to friends and even guys I deployed with. I gave up once and tried to kill myself. I spent years running away. I have lived in 3 states in the last year and a half alone. After being diagnosed I suddenly started to make connections in my mind and understand that those sudden surges of emotion where normal for me. That even though I felt those feelings so strongly that they didn't have to define me. That when I would start overflowing with conflicting, overwhelming emotions, that I could take a step back and just be like ""alright man. Maybe we should focus on trying to calm down instead of acting"". Stupid rant. I just hope that you are all ok. Things can be ok. It's not fun getting there, but they can be. Take care everyone. You can do this.",4.005186891961088,5.914336402116405,4.399346304830178,85.23950076804918,72.54497354497354,7.205461682881039,26.214712408260798,7.941651935203635,1.5997665813278708,1552,53,290,22,31,488,213,378,0.131,0.73,0.139,-0.2545,0,1,1,0,0,2,44.0,1,4,3,6,24,22,3,2,14,3,33,7,2,3,2,54,63,20,2,12,8,0,4,1,1,2,5,2,0,2,30,19,0,1,5,1,4,7,4,8,0,2,14,6,46,14,50,42,4,61,0,3,0,0,18,20,0,5,30,217,76,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685088685687505,0.08628663372236778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058254043497242676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778859496761439,0.0,0.07827484480937537,0.25624870779213105,0.0,0.05078653228796248,0.0,0.07089280901487571,0.0,0.0,0.14736628801558302,0.0,0.0,0.10492918875879656,0.0,0.0,0.095287315741045,0.0849426555474872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651825934113505,0.0,0.0,0.05372967611806282,0.0,0.0,0.2536813291625596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18743071843211329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005425308506807,0.07536093424083101,0.14038876436510905,0.15921734550906114,0.07487591118601701,0.0,0.0785396189859808,0.0,0.08425061575564544,0.0,0.07999307391258538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436703788957583,0.0,0.13058204227299966,0.0,0.04734841887710006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249248241445951,0.0736729766814201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274811990171416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921729475791221,0.0,0.04578637620846703,0.13582162902969114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05884608904336359,0.040702283684387976,0.0,0.07356647191925987,0.0737289488898287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883231055265945,0.055611746777679036,0.0,0.08369861338516978,0.0,0.0,0.08392858802974132,0.0,0.0,0.0841218844964029,0.0,0.13299849988252488,0.0,0.0,0.06177516987222278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162857002852875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26617530959747715,0.0564547123323574,0.0633629174001394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191614161743782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097387864825844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333505467991921,0.0,0.05337212668851858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625345118083223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413803981055093,0.0,0.0,0.1769070683117522,0.0,0.06653347741177111,0.0,0.0,0.08709632362957631,0.0,0.0911303628227286,0.0945420480648097,0.0,0.0,0.12528127699477087,0.06696343901834426,0.0,0.0,0.0952751149493234,0.19346448882608488,0.2767456455774927,0.0,0.08185411722123151,0.0,0.04858019405617448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312744984746065,0.0,0.0,0.08673126017959346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741962931576075,0.0,0.06682826949240771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060652498895109035,0.0,0.0,0.059182816134532974,0.0,0.0,0.10730104874587952 bpd,angerphish,2020/03/25,"I Feel Like I’m Quietly Falling Apart I’ve been considered by my therapist as a “recovered borderline” for a while now. Lately I’m worried I’m falling back into it in different ways, as since late January I’ve felt incredibly empty and since early February I’ve started to smoke (fun cabbage) several times daily. This is after going through an intense depressive episode from October to end of November that almost caused me to fail several classes. I don’t truly understand why I am doing what I’m doing, and it really feels like I am detached from my life and it doesn’t feel real, especially since the pandemic started. Sometimes when I’m sober I just don’t feel alive. All my classes are online and I have the opportunity to work from home, but I haven’t really been productive. I don’t know what to do anymore.",7.0322222222222175,7.146052292993634,8.34963906581741,66.27029016277424,64.28662420382166,12.328096249115355,38.46355272469922,11.855464076750405,5.044195187544231,658,33,111,21,9,228,98,157,0.078,0.8490000000000001,0.073,0.1009,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,5,0,15,1,0,1,1,18,30,9,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,7,5,0,0,7,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,3,6,12,4,17,27,1,19,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,14,67,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021140387253834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876768754989828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534693900368034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409959965419084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920172261473334,0.0,0.0,0.15672649553129064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286261676437894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033943303073271,0.21433157664752872,0.14403126239054884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525303766320544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504703154922108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824405069468965,0.0,0.3384312520478898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595512932687562,0.1465727222246001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17074201368062042,0.1921980093380608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389328203134644,0.0,0.3722646531136041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836180743312455,0.0,0.21235295447867453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17417091999623252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747090635290357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561636811962118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190694160461304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535894225100556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920765455957188,0.1523404669021204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mybigbeansprout,2020/03/25,"DAE have a hard time apologizing? I was diagnosed with BPD two years ago, and after a year of therapy, one unfortunate thing I’ve learned about myself is that what I thought was just myself myself doing anything to avoid confrontation, was actually myself trying to avoid taking responsibility for my actions (which cause the confrontation in the first place). So, Reddit, I’m asking you to help me with any advice on how to become better at apologizing. *the situation: I’ve recently moved in with my friends of over 11 years. I moved in about a week before COVID-19 hit. One of my roommates (aka the guy who owns the house) has asthma. My other two roommates (one his girlfriend, the other our friend). I’ve had to go to work through this time because I work in a medical office, and my roommate (the house owners gf) has been letting me use her car since she’s since been home. I’ve been working all week, and made plans with someone I’ve been talking to for about two weeks to go on a hike with his dog. I assumed that hiking was a safe activity during this time, but my friend (house owners gf) texted me whilst I was hiking about how she is angry with me going out and risking her boyfriends death for a guy to “validate me”. The validation thing is not something I’m worried about, I understand that in these times I need to understand her fear and apologize for doing something that made her uncomfortable. So, any suggestions?",8.102719065321295,7.53394885501859,7.783125331917155,73.48417286245355,62.308550185873614,10.659691980881574,34.82766861391397,9.957137785484203,3.2850263409453007,1138,42,207,20,14,362,142,269,0.11800000000000001,0.812,0.07,-0.9105,0,2,2,0,0,0,36.0,1,1,0,6,10,11,2,4,15,0,19,3,0,6,1,31,34,10,1,1,3,0,1,0,6,0,3,0,1,2,14,12,0,3,5,0,0,7,1,6,0,7,13,1,33,5,40,19,2,33,0,0,0,0,28,11,0,1,15,142,47,4,0.0,0.0,0.095187349035626,0.0,0.0,0.09531734171360566,0.08646548610697555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326644057229619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026911549966337,0.0,0.09118901247326122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946096498197032,0.10772795949244623,0.08300143058411108,0.0,0.0,0.08626835990232046,0.0,0.0,0.12285128630158865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020295335187132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990035215398362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097623614081432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296954811929033,0.0,0.0,0.2260831374099773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16630684651825794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931646988737048,0.0,0.0,0.08737886535657982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538064023167457,0.0,0.09784301865768874,0.0,0.0,0.3376526322179753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974375178105288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18459402704013791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826374452042502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20734435002890053,0.0,0.07232648198345562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19829184166550146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191108708890856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631139013358704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16137622574058638,0.10964178742582767,0.0,0.0,0.08264739136556992,0.15018586886631435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333977423428309,0.07840091699834023,0.0,0.0,0.11154827901092353,0.0,0.12960572340156715,0.0,0.0,0.0774378003496077,0.2275111205634475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622491269672519,0.0,0.2858543660073081,0.20309023640912435,0.0,0.08424534837969994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347279808097221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21303617024424487,0.09905908083376598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18844239647524674 bpd,btg2018,2020/03/25,Why do I feel everything so much?? Five minutes ago I was annoyed and angry being quarantined with my family. Then my best friend texted me saying that he was going to have to put his dog down. I’ve gone over to his house since I was 3 years old (now 21) and his dog almost feels like my dog in a weird way. When he told me how bummed out he was about it I almost instantly started crying and couldn’t stop. I can really be an emotional roller coaster sometimes and it’s exhausting.,2.9102040816326533,4.5233316020408205,4.1181122448979615,87.35635204081633,74.81632653061223,7.757142857142857,22.45408163265306,8.472884824447931,1.2427918367346944,379,10,79,7,8,124,74,98,0.14800000000000002,0.743,0.109,-0.4608,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,0,2,0,10,1,0,1,0,13,16,8,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,6,0,1,2,1,0,3,1,3,0,1,6,3,13,3,9,7,2,16,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,2,9,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831760175462349,0.0,0.4138450238952901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21685844765095189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22698697078569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324448842000661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18571686274906973,0.0,0.19480406192783092,0.0,0.20896921045733904,0.14762537026562575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965140392889038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174396367362807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238437582702734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009550376463243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519059389498873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168364354809479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20773268478564733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238041140110546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16433032873596118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093672683011754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043746152402972,0.0,0.14626255273373576,0.0,0.0,0.17276229738106036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19745566654753152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640231169486385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864626228306948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307092913542534 bpd,clementmichael,2020/03/25,Any luck with citalopram Doc just put me on citalopram for mood and ativan for anxiety has anyone had relief with this combo?,5.207826086956524,7.702250000000002,4.799347826086958,81.1364130434783,70.73913043478261,6.339130434782609,24.54347826086957,7.1686216300943375,1.3060608695652167,102,3,16,1,2,31,20,23,0.061,0.7190000000000001,0.21899999999999997,0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42609126175193945,0.0,0.4793267825903178,0.0,0.0,0.4381145496238134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6298791261489598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,FuckFreudIllFightHim,2020/03/26,"I've been struggling Firat time poster long time bpd patient. Please give me words of encouragement or literally anything, it's getting bad again. I'm super depressed and haven't been taking care of myself and I don't want to drag my boyfriend down with me or cause chaos. I can feel it starting to effect our relationship. He deserves more than this and I don't want to feel like this anymore. If you guys have any advice I would really appreciate it. Please :'3",2.7067415730337068,5.451238382022474,3.3933595505618013,86.58576966292135,80.91011235955057,5.807191011235956,23.50674157303371,7.1686216300943375,1.022742921348314,372,13,70,5,10,117,65,89,0.18,0.638,0.18100000000000002,0.0225,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,1,0,2,1,7,0,1,0,0,8,0,0,2,0,15,18,6,0,4,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,2,10,4,8,15,1,6,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,3,6,39,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965218796102362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676135895809394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19944658808544527,0.0,0.0,0.16549598602993046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791803536682462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532903799296501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050445424229276,0.20659485861842614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17321532097907708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20337401562408827,0.14367266973544124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507141527399803,0.19292256139138106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991300272046254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825194514866342,0.0,0.0,0.17797558236199454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44151568635785376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288358978707436,0.0,0.0,0.21591634400625986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234634193137485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21024331898078966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120931851013195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345371379517695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372391918789575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286242142290256,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Frozenbloom,2020/03/26,"DAE happen to be quarantined with a family member who makes your life hell? My mother is the worst and unfortunately we are quarantined together. She tries to pick a fight with me every single time I leave my room, due to her boredom and never getting treatment for her own BPD. And I know this is awful to say, I just wish she would fucking drop dead. She is a volatile and cruel person who never apologizes or admits wrongdoing whatsoever. My dad’s advice on dealing with her: “you can’t control how mom behaves, you can only control how you react”. Quarantine has me at the edge of my rope. Just wish she would fucking die",4.151596638655459,6.220484201680673,5.214025210084035,78.87582773109246,72.52941176470588,7.785210084033612,27.026050420168072,8.548686976883017,2.1493018487394964,496,18,87,9,10,163,84,119,0.27899999999999997,0.6829999999999999,0.038,-0.9858,0,3,0,0,1,0,11.0,1,4,0,2,4,6,5,0,5,1,10,3,0,7,2,26,19,7,2,4,3,3,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,3,8,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,1,21,0,11,16,3,8,1,0,0,2,23,3,3,1,4,64,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278151033665415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22269222381135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3966259740909707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228843642397846,0.0,0.0,0.18350598942436114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897421062913166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668538674676384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32692512072585045,0.09237850696450173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635686510167338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717286542227102,0.0,0.0,0.1872214885243229,0.0,0.0,0.12488961924399472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180253436288652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20708351755691407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727411598601083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447572739219335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438798316803473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061033496172295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310221183950093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004573597985622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4066569035912199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512085167591179,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BeniBaniBuhn,2020/03/26,DO you have videos that you watch in the event of a crisis ? Im right now in one. And i need some frendly voice who say everything will be alright or something. I cant find any. Have you any suggestion ?,0.3764285714285727,2.6563437857142844,1.7336190476190474,97.59471428571429,87.33333333333334,5.2647619047619045,20.304761904761907,6.742157984588678,0.19209904761904809,157,5,36,2,5,50,35,42,0.10800000000000001,0.8440000000000001,0.048,-0.5362,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,0,0,5,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,5,1,3,5,1,5,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,2,2,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4926036851802311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32551331199766137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331035397508508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39122770564124026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685595383856997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454295393284337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093085605280369,0.0,0.2880282855132127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788318089632703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,iamafacsimile,2020/03/26,"Experiences with Teletherapy? Hi. Many of us who are in therapy are now unable to meet with our therapists in person. Teletherapy is a common alternative. For those of you who've changed to this form of therapy, how is it for you? Thanks.",2.468257575757576,5.421199613636361,4.165454545454549,78.25984848484852,86.95454545454545,9.296969696969695,25.51515151515152,9.2995712137729,3.2609060606060614,189,8,34,7,6,63,32,44,0.0,0.9259999999999999,0.07400000000000001,0.504,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,11,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,2,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963779663754139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740556333348519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840438586153217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24462972131513966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25793876489847595,0.6407873664130502,0.32529375680956424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370046188193858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,abbyinferno,2020/03/26,"wont see my fp for 2 weeks. my city is going on lockdown for the coronavirus which i support completely. i guess it didn’t really click earlier that i wouldn’t be seeing him for a minute because we don’t live together. today, it hit me like a truck. i am a complete mess. can’t stop crying, having suicidal thoughts. i have no idea what to do and i feel like this whole pandemic has sent my brain into a downward spiral.",2.073023255813954,4.077480197674419,3.969941860465117,85.7470058139535,78.41860465116278,7.555813953488372,24.703488372093023,8.472884824447931,1.7596093023255812,331,12,67,7,8,112,68,86,0.172,0.736,0.091,-0.7783,0,1,0,0,1,0,9.0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,5,0,12,1,1,0,0,9,21,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,3,4,12,3,6,14,1,8,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,1,5,44,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971397104764704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23754247943669626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4462096506430598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337383132834472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759232261526663,0.15201623654562235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093267956457332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344106609456708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402124574235464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079155480619894,0.0,0.1878962547492974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631784223367382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33912996931041833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17790081892827356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327562192615147,0.2414700105124264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893039989492686,0.0,0.0,0.2016987362149316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706862001317851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375709012059022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jfbonner,2020/03/26,"Bad experience at A&E I was in crisis earlier so I called my mental health team. They said go to A&E as I was a “risk to myself” which I did. Most people at A&E were nice but a nurse was really loudly saying I was a “pain in the a*se” who was “wasting their time”. It’s made me feel worse than when I went in, I wish I’d just stayed quiet. I feel like such a drain on resources and like I just cause problems",0.8002525252525245,2.8217665000000025,2.705151515151517,93.08328282828285,82.86363636363636,5.2747474747474765,18.868686868686872,6.42735559955562,-0.07686010101010066,324,8,72,3,9,108,63,88,0.23,0.6459999999999999,0.124,-0.8779,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,1,5,7,0,1,5,0,7,2,0,2,0,11,14,5,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,10,6,14,3,10,4,1,11,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,4,47,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6000773751810967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541423584763885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885083307203265,0.0,0.0,0.18964620856225084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18058484697440408,0.0,0.0,0.18668959741357447,0.13188603662043275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491860717045016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19623271339482035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038308412819687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468326122318825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860443278459077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964389730833516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798592695848118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766476625861973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826644535732266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560720511834768,0.14680996711149466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19677061551680766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764807816864906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17113611850810145,0.0,0.0,0.21229338034839745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18813424001196766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,edw1992,2020/03/26,"Your BPD story A couple questions for this lovely community - 1) If you had the opportunity to share your story about living with BPD, would you? 2) If you said no to the above question, what would hold you back from sharing your story? 3) What do you feel is the most common misconception about BPD? 4) How are some ways that you feel misunderstood by healthcare providers, therapists, friends, significant others, and family members? 5) How can people be more compassionate towards those with BPD? I appreciate the time you take to answer these questions. Sending <3",4.159026687598118,7.5136624693877545,4.447959183673472,76.59978806907381,82.46938775510205,6.688854003139719,25.905808477237052,7.882392219407189,2.175634850863422,454,18,71,9,13,142,72,98,0.04,0.748,0.212,0.9626,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,10,0,1,5,6,0,0,5,0,8,1,0,2,0,18,13,5,0,4,2,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,1,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,11,6,11,8,3,6,0,0,0,1,20,1,0,7,3,52,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998328172921784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7205784803871788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826291066891648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483845622117613,0.0,0.14464321460742646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050667335309544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630045359657446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909255422945787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916083250624627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4806879197323175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360568077088618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754275486368084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607193505474388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340349054442156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135326627949544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20321258660107785,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,summatsnotright,2020/03/26,"A bit of a grumble I guess I can't get over how hard it is trying to understand if I'm reacting to something whether that be good or bad in the right way. A lady yelled at me the other day. Bear in mind this is all down to the corona virus. Not just some weird shop. Anyways, I was a customer and she was staff and she shouted at me because I didn't adhere to some signage that was left out advising customers to stay a metre away from the counter. I did this until my turn to be served. Some guy finished paying at the counter so my turn... I strolled over to the counter and she shouted at me to walk around ....there was nothing I might add to walk around. There was duct tape on the floor. This is a hardware store mind so you come across this regularly right? Just tape on the floor over cracks and stuff. It wasn't straight or laid out with care so I had no idea she was shouting at me to stay behind this line of irregular duct tape. She then legit bellowed at me to get behind the line. Considering it was irregular I was already behind said line. To which I told her I was getting angrier and angrier by the second and starting to tear up because I hate situations where I feel I cant control myself in public. Anyways she didn't apologise asked me what i wanted then proceeded to tell me to stand at the counter to pay. Bear in mind again pleade that if I'd have been stood at the counter, we still would not have made contact because she was in the back room getting all my items. That's how this shop works. Order, they go get it and give it to you and you pay. A colleague of hers laughed along with her whilst she was shouting at me. And look, I'm not an easily upset person. But this lady shouted. Full on. I got into my car and cried all the way home. I was shaking and angry and upset. But I cant get it out of my head. Was I over reacting? What if I'd have shouted back at her? I genuinely hate it when I don't know if my reaction was plausible. To me it's the worst part about this illness. Am I acting okay for the situation I am in is a constant question in my head and I'm tired.",1.5536847686554651,3.462622677345543,2.9860512362560705,92.63809566333653,79.66361556064072,5.911011888150918,23.702014846235407,6.914303735213361,0.6721187587207673,1638,57,364,18,41,534,197,437,0.11199999999999999,0.8490000000000001,0.039,-0.9825,1,0,1,0,0,0,41.0,1,3,1,2,20,12,2,3,25,1,37,4,2,6,3,63,67,31,0,6,14,0,2,0,0,2,2,8,2,2,25,25,0,1,5,2,6,7,11,8,0,1,25,11,57,4,67,38,11,70,0,0,1,0,28,43,0,12,14,267,82,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457483456197175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18485472711138026,0.09706351627770207,0.0,0.09754816760764913,0.15967193520360926,0.08669057124385651,0.18987453156511652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133513602714622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585776848953436,0.0,0.0,0.0894371099513678,0.0,0.11219927747533597,0.11644995355291993,0.0,0.0,0.11404824626848355,0.06695933366886378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05249766516173901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32546954202763223,0.0995995874791604,0.059006843281883124,0.08708452176761297,0.08303932660251252,0.0,0.11437630575809887,0.10280429837368284,0.0,0.0,0.09300791498704344,0.20501382806124116,0.21311134649114016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041461813935623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720718403480646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057060184678838985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280751051796455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718788994868686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824289605960364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014323015347688,0.31450470614067105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962407481018072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243369710331164,0.0,0.0,0.09065706556536844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630914742361018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733407855742386,0.09876252755389478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23341008154121035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993050989372663,0.0,0.0,0.07348874508653422,0.2213299086865896,0.08291576715212877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885620139354555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074870764644376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933298621409932,0.0,0.09921041902789317,0.0,0.07049119973102935,0.2258662632555208,0.0,0.1080867745624486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061239404750327936,0.16482486876433458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558673725194273,0.0,0.0,0.07375517999229071,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,codejx,2020/03/26,Coping skills How do you stop yourself from reading into small things too much and over thinking? Primarily when you’re in a romantic relationship.,5.721466666666667,9.342395280000003,5.596,69.78466666666668,76.2,8.133333333333335,32.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,3.7295333333333343,122,6,17,3,3,38,24,25,0.085,0.8109999999999999,0.10400000000000001,0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,13,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568133037102084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4855156439614174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5211210796920194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058030022475784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32246775583733217,0.31101465540525164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,h-ell-oo,2020/03/26,"DAE attempt suicide or self-inflict harm bc theyre... ""bored"" The title is somewhat misleading but I wasn't sure how else to summarise it. Anyway, I've struggled with suicidal ideation and self harm for years now alongside my bpd, like many others. As I've gotten older the drive behind these tendencies has shifted. Its become less of a desire to be dead, and away from this realm of being, and more of a need for some kind of climax or release. Like I said I've struggled with this for a while and all that while I've been receiving help and I've made improvements but somedays I swing so low for absolutely no reason at all. None of the things that usually make me happy appeal to me and I feel so completely numb that I cant even fathom feeling full of passion and energized again. I dont necessarily want to be dead but I dont really 'want' anything. When Im that low everything just feels pointless.",3.2871822033898286,5.475897079096043,4.257708333333333,84.24046080508475,75.38418079096044,7.1368644067796625,26.31673728813559,8.07648339933343,1.7524466101694918,721,27,136,12,16,233,117,177,0.257,0.606,0.13699999999999998,-0.9774,0,0,0,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,0,1,9,15,0,2,6,0,10,2,0,4,3,31,20,19,4,4,6,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,11,9,0,0,4,0,0,2,6,8,0,0,5,4,10,7,21,12,8,15,0,2,0,1,4,5,0,4,10,90,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528775452800592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430427188691049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814679046449904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19175197964736215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596299249992977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.356868818491621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718430029079644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055886806760657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683136568246068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309446382186945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207163281831047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204913251179734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445478351463313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854365168458626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876210451966596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406145503894258,0.1016272274893939,0.15435634315132366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289052413509446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753445224892472,0.15653707913047707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482343246585214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31765731542007497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183269150087372,0.0,0.3330708582415424,0.0,0.14349265162729324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114730901095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768049622864728,0.0,0.17960052294668824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804320779872426 bpd,gapsnglasses,2020/03/26,"Trapped I’ve been triggered for the last few days. It’s mostly my job. My supervisor doesn’t like me and is trying to fire me. Everyday at work we are getting a huge amount of interactions. Everyone wants to know where their box is, why is it delayed. I do three chats at one time and I have to respond to everyone in under 2 mins. I had a panic attack yesterday trying to deal with all these angry customers and a job that doesn’t give me all the needed resources to work efficiently. Does the resources my job give me work? No. Are they updated? No. But I have to give honest answers and help these people and if I don’t, I get penalized. The customers are relentless as well. Yelling at me (they love typing in caps through a chat) and demanding to know where their box is. I DO NOT KNOW. No one wants to acknowledge that EVERYONE is ordering things online for delivery. These delivery companies are swamped with work. I do not know why everyone can not understand that higher volumes of deliveries will cause delays if the company does not have the man power to handle it. But no. They all want their shit now. I’m sorry, just like you’re afraid to go outside, so are some of these drivers who deliver packages. So are some of the workers who work for the delivery companies. I am running myself ragged trying to appease everyone because it’s my fucking job to. These people are out here risking their health to deliver a box and you’re mad because it’s a few hours late. Calm down. This job is toxic. I find myself banging my laptop and stopping myself from hurting myself. I have so many emotions I just do not know what to do to handle them. I just want to leave. But I can’t. I want to cut and release this but I promised myself we’re not doing that anymore. I want to do all these impulsive things but I can’t and it makes me feel trapped. I can’t escape this. I can’t escape this pressure. I can’t seem to do anything right and I feel so weak. I keep having these crying, hopeless episodes and I am tired.",1.676129454069958,4.2191163258145385,3.1121243325705588,88.19939931350115,83.73684210526315,6.176332134684538,24.463386727688786,7.505811317475913,1.3837745014710692,1590,63,311,27,46,518,179,399,0.145,0.775,0.08,-0.9802,6,2,0,0,1,2,43.0,1,0,8,7,12,19,5,4,14,0,40,6,1,3,4,65,67,24,0,9,16,0,3,2,0,1,3,1,0,1,26,16,0,4,12,2,0,2,18,12,1,3,2,4,49,7,40,64,10,28,0,2,0,2,22,12,2,6,15,222,75,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839816991600943,0.0,0.0,0.06968599585676767,0.0,0.0,0.09633789672521748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324261164657704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699164739324522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301910083527057,0.05461282583639137,0.08730332995421647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821141870120555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525574991025804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4045859657385745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563543533672963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773977308127366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828706045474801,0.08848560481852817,0.2437038106416442,0.04812668046019112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001290951228576,0.0,0.0,0.05676049867917631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339462263227948,0.0,0.09065373516834174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4201686409475203,0.07526917174321457,0.0,0.0,0.2326948132032271,0.06902705829376696,0.09552488199538248,0.0896659146778905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274260671568025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642872920222285,0.0,0.0565258319174172,0.08585416451776637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279056262747541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476530643794886,0.0,0.0,0.0993559746403638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741554670327325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231788771232166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770912296518833,0.0,0.0,0.08692476282150123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479446427333196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079786784676087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125177952660119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04937870221398996,0.09732939734550512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17248037292069626,0.0,0.0,0.08815685388370548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29968550426383217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613920620620429,0.0,0.15282450314272295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082471920565837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,redpheonix22,2020/03/26,"I need to get this off my chest Im probably gonna leave this up for a few minutes but I need to get this off my chest. Thanks to this quarantine thing due to the Corona virus I have to spend more time with my grandparents (who I live with) I like there company but I don't like being around them since we can get into alot of arguments which have been happening alot recently. I recently just got into another argument other a silly thing. I asked her ""What do you mean?"" and then she started to have an argument since she though I was being rude. I told her I wasn't being rude then she continues moaning at me. I tried to speak up but my granddad keeps on backing her up. When I went upstairs she mumbled under her breath"" you little shit. "" I'm sensitive and that really messed me up. Then she comes up and says ,"" Don't expect to get any friends if you have an attitude like that. "" and"" Your being immature. You should know what fine means your not an idiot. "" she had attitude so I did too. Wow, even my grandparents hate me now. I'm already depressed and mentally messed up but that just tops the cake. It's like everyone I'm close with is trying to target me. I want to sleep forever. Each day it feels like my personality changes and Im constantly changing my opinions in things I feel so narccistic sometimes. It can get so exhausting, I feel emptiness. I suffer from derealization and it makes my world feel like a dream, I'm constantly tired of my burning feelings it sometimes feels like there are knives being stabbed directly through my heart and it burns horrifically. Why should I exist if there's just pain and suffering that constantly stalks me. It comes out ready to strike when someone makes a little action or insult that emotionally hurts me. It's as if my emotions are ten times stronger than other people's. Not to mention my horrific memory loss. I can barely remember many things only faint details, it's as if I have alzheimers. I feel cold inside and out. Sometimes it feels as if Im going insane, like I'm slowly losing my sanity. Im used to this pain but sometimes it's as if I just click and they it comes flying back to me all at once. I don't even know why I'm like this, I only experienced neglect and some abuse when I was living with my parents but it wasn't alot, I was young though and I've recovered. Sometimes It feels as if everyone is rotten inside and all they do is pretend which is why I have trust issues. I have constant negative fantasies e.g. Getting into an arguments. I feel cold and numb, what is the meaning of living if I have to live in this cycle of pain just because Im sensitive. Im pathetic. I feel like I'm being mentally drained.",3.0033403954802265,5.121555775894541,4.235486111111111,84.39978283898306,75.98681732580037,7.7395009416195855,25.94008945386064,8.59863814320734,1.94585527306968,2131,79,416,44,48,698,236,531,0.23399999999999999,0.649,0.11699999999999999,-0.9978,3,1,0,0,1,0,55.0,1,6,3,3,23,37,6,0,14,0,39,13,6,3,2,88,88,46,0,14,22,2,11,10,1,3,7,2,0,1,38,31,0,2,17,3,1,6,8,21,0,1,11,18,73,16,52,68,9,53,0,7,1,0,31,25,1,14,32,281,111,0,0.0,0.0692341859661076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644828608828167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03973680878431232,0.06127265823169915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052018236366760166,0.05462746894516978,0.0,0.0,0.0898635657994815,0.0,0.03562054166289892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362986781347785,0.1510059536407848,0.0,0.2525835774759552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03768479713963761,0.0,0.05032871960835039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145972788539093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718959989172289,0.0,0.0,0.1116714970221728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250032712211963,0.16697972141555714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045145605568476084,0.0,0.18317466728533846,0.0,0.033209125555593175,0.0,0.04673463737114425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051672583598158274,0.0,0.0,0.057691020041474673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924402243526324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255430967816636,0.0,0.3787094818302853,0.060989430892774414,0.0,0.05193841235224042,0.0,0.0,0.06422708729469334,0.0,0.0,0.06187267831734732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854767448059288,0.11713150979648827,0.20639153412831776,0.0,0.0,0.06537218094117939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800967909401534,0.05924243479247297,0.0,0.19095375580744595,0.0,0.0,0.1177745227270001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665545423300057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622298096103668,0.0,0.08888267568012129,0.18653220902576398,0.0,0.06488352745550813,0.0,0.0,0.04051045693742546,0.051021910432994144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300123577269247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03743401993989868,0.0,0.11539213619911452,0.0,0.06619380623877233,0.0,0.0,0.04646869380087685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05998118579604043,0.09667365092606443,0.0,0.05847573678519174,0.0,0.04951054609288389,0.0,0.2889613101040158,0.0,0.041359558091307036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053797749877225146,0.0,0.0,0.15528258149108493,0.0,0.11482130641354188,0.0,0.06814613041732848,0.06716075461241691,0.0,0.0558357485110864,0.0,0.07934507159615814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050467814351389265,0.0,0.0,0.034465613955794165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054168474019097385,0.15818153457630998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,IWantedToBeAnonLOL,2020/03/26,"Anybody else feel like they are really getting their shit together? I honestly feel like a brand new person. I'm making good decisions, doing my DBT, I have skills which are helpful and not destructive. I am planning a future. &#x200B; Things feel really good at the moment.",4.809183673469383,7.819410734693882,5.32995918367347,74.30432653061227,74.3061224489796,8.817959183673471,28.16734693877552,9.3871,3.3129477551020416,222,9,33,6,5,71,39,49,0.066,0.596,0.33799999999999997,0.932,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,2,0,7,2,0,3,0,5,1,1,1,0,7,11,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,6,5,1,11,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,5,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24899410337322345,0.2792387688287281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19197296109670994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485896132375033,0.3283461112911551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006386001110447,0.0,0.0,0.385499808019012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403374552399787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22454266476540205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339691883810053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22194753054639926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20065725034511184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29443850482112816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358919866412861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267252619544536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792387688287281,0.0 bpd,uncomfortablue,2020/03/26,"What was your first reaction when you found out you had BPD? I remember I was 18 and when the doctor told me that I had it and explained what it was,it felt like nothing else in the world made more sense. From my childhood until now,it made all the puzzle pieces fit together. But what about you guys??",2.969508196721314,4.618676114754102,3.289311475409839,93.20937704918032,74.7377049180328,6.847213114754098,22.036065573770493,7.554174236665415,0.6046760655737704,237,6,52,3,5,73,44,61,0.0,0.907,0.09300000000000001,0.6747,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,2,1,12,10,6,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,1,9,1,5,1,3,9,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,6,36,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33544835474336404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726122655724129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22249451797156725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557300342474204,0.0,0.0,0.22655032151711715,0.0,0.2920301942933617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263720398794244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012122039379626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5040383746089078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555622785629958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30171350230839045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25450114133824764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,QuothTheOboe,2020/03/26,"""Favorite"" things, being creative, and the mad dash to do something with it Being home in quarantine has emphasized some of my ""favorites"" - my favorite person being my roommate, my favorite show being Curb Your Enthusiasm, and my favorite game (Civ V) is starting to crash mentally for me so I'm kind of in limbo with that one. All this being said, with all of my extra time, I've had the opportunity to arrange more music that I enjoy. &#x200B; So, because I know Curb Your Enthusiasm (through no fault of its own) will crash hard in a few weeks, I have taken up the time to arrange various tunes from the show. It literally makes me giggle every time I listen to my work, which means it's still a VERY strong favorite show. &#x200B; WHICH MEANS, if I sleep on this project (arranging many tunes from the show) until this quarantine is over, I'll no longer want to do the project because the show will have lost its ""favorite"" placement in due time. So, I've been cranking out one song per day, which is way higher than my normal output. &#x200B; Anyone else feel that they need to be creative NOW, or it will be lost when your idea crashes?",10.282222222222224,7.5746579629629665,9.175555555555556,72.02500000000003,59.648148148148145,11.451851851851853,40.2037037037037,9.150863307647796,3.637337037037037,904,35,165,10,9,282,123,216,0.09,0.752,0.158,0.9558,0,2,1,0,0,0,46.0,0,3,1,5,6,9,1,0,9,0,20,1,1,1,2,22,34,9,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,3,0,3,1,1,16,6,0,2,5,7,0,0,2,4,0,2,6,5,19,5,28,18,8,21,0,2,0,0,8,8,0,3,12,114,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37488902879577735,0.4204258230622341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064335536545329,0.11817205366938616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406115738994524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438009629434117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634573130529077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717283414453667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05831571456891541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331550948645483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568817334786564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019666052846796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010133350136548,0.06338387493480196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25179868808446904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698552046602991,0.11692932797933435,0.0,0.2512623979743593,0.0,0.0,0.11622830698802294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551778859784567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130016284808799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630494143769533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070412737171626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970787651590844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541606332252992,0.0,0.0,0.08878880205338313,0.0,0.0,0.0816331291932861,0.0,0.0921049002009754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662196854439432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26900586587986425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516161500878507,0.06802625672566405,0.09154578561833968,0.09251299243098214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396363116720912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4204258230622341,0.0 bpd,peachynbreezy,2020/03/26,"DAE fall for unavailable people? Someone else’s post about erotic transference with their therapist got me thinking. Does anyone else fall for unavailable people all the time, and do guys you think part of it has to do with the logic that “if I just fall for someone that is completely unavailable for me, I can just stay crushing on them forever and live in the fantasy and they can never hurt me?” I think I tend to do this cause real relationships are scary, so if I just keep falling in love with teachers and therapists and celebrities I won’t have to deal with an actual human person in a relationship. Even though love is all I want, I will forever be afraid of it failing. In my head though it’s safe.",5.692834967320259,6.668536404411768,6.007745098039216,78.90457516339872,67.30882352941177,9.86797385620915,29.816993464052292,9.994966539143718,2.8598866013071897,565,20,106,13,9,181,86,136,0.075,0.8140000000000001,0.111,0.7299,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,3,1,8,6,0,1,5,0,13,3,1,1,3,26,22,10,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,6,9,0,2,4,1,0,4,2,3,0,0,1,0,16,3,19,18,3,13,0,2,0,2,12,5,0,2,2,77,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.14193654886015972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170082548423297,0.14902896032637195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494154583403422,0.0,0.0,0.1524997637084138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995079930812147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12728277783041805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24300676382391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960672231047094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163282836379318,0.0,0.0,0.14401667342098246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927190630862375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570540156816867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928112217568608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843350389068714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26254551893925265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217868705101153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750632311485546,0.0,0.2016710598391734,0.12699983572062915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392992552061535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16555199552297525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31231405968772685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24647572648196106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502852352413052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377533478243325,0.0,0.2795921718693462,0.2858044108500878,0.0,0.08481206695859707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578916926571885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,flextapeflipflops,2020/03/26,"Anyone else really feel like going full 2008 Britney Spears just so people know something is wrong? Don't know how else to explain it but I feel like shaving off my eyebrows. ""Oh my god are you ok?"" ""WELL NO BUT ITS BEEN A LONG TIME COMING"" I'm so naturally good at hiding my feelings from being invalidated all the time, that it's like I have to make a conscious effort to show my feelings so people know that I'm struggling and will reach out to help. I know I'm the one that should be reaching out myself and I shouldn't rely on others but god damn it's hard and I haven't gotten to that point yet. Then people start talking ""oh my god did you see she shaved her eyebrows? Is she ok?"" At least someone's thinking of me now :/",0.24939999999999785,2.636858140000001,1.9670000000000023,94.3185,90.93333333333334,3.8,18.166666666666664,5.341637118332708,-0.4665333333333335,571,16,120,3,20,186,93,150,0.121,0.685,0.19399999999999998,0.9072,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,1,8,10,1,1,4,2,13,0,0,2,1,26,32,11,0,2,4,0,5,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,11,1,0,2,4,3,1,1,3,6,17,7,13,24,3,17,0,0,1,0,8,8,1,0,10,76,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116959267647042,0.17138816695912487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440885334258297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794657073312405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383075139860134,0.2389958401360969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950635537664115,0.14029837315190655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984131391057298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211774147729732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677094813037469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24515942613563774,0.0,0.0,0.14802893239417314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165420947986136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334666940209027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34789244854334045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581244792983504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715762332531899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329275505769358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172756378743478,0.1287728321367757,0.0,0.0,0.11839476374606872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486721289908694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344455134188859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718004010286808,0.0,0.0,0.1950732885771368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039606832851254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828837905301467,0.0,0.0 bpd,TimbouTambou,2020/03/26,"People want to see me, but I don't want to see them. I just want to be home and not see too much people. I only want to see the three of the closest people to me and just stay away from everyone else until this coronavirus thing wears off. Past week three people asked me to see them. I can't say no to them. It is so hard. I feel so bad because of it, since if I see my friend who lives two blocks away from me, and say to this other friend that I can't see him because of the Corona situation, I feel that he would get mad at me, and I just have to agree to that. Today one of my friend asked if we should see, and we talked for a bit and I really didn't give an straight answer and didn't answer for couple hours and now I feel like he hates me. And how even could I tell someone that I want to limit my social circle right now? Of course they would feel bad if I told them that you shouldn't be included right now. But it still is logical and necessary, and this is driving me crazy. What should I do?",3.163133640552996,3.316903170506912,4.158225806451615,92.85733870967744,72.59447004608296,7.490322580645162,21.02995391705069,7.1686216300943375,0.1948949308755754,776,12,190,7,14,252,105,217,0.121,0.754,0.124,-0.6066,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,1,5,1,12,8,2,0,5,0,18,1,1,1,0,43,41,20,0,14,9,0,5,1,3,5,0,2,1,0,15,13,0,2,7,0,0,1,8,4,0,4,3,15,34,4,25,30,2,19,0,0,8,0,24,8,0,3,10,132,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789018966059922,0.0,0.17877841955695778,0.0,0.1588794920249351,0.1159955794142033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387061869511892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596328875291235,0.10527301227705176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947908281599762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284051242766983,0.0,0.0,0.09091242999422304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242697916777912,0.06796959223459031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220519836228718,0.0,0.049707862078679284,0.09126904828016986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522870524103861,0.09393320517185334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543536372370216,0.0,0.09369588213609284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046481663216164336,0.0,0.0840122878182398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994044932695803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447080330788899,0.07235991498227909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082397614795487,0.2638384317263285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060950516612357515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250180334294484,0.0,0.15132176015358315,0.0,0.0,0.6065279933868236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787025942739599,0.10694379635719096,0.0,0.09698547073343468,0.08061366016704054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140890455991383,0.07598066766068053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647168017357989,0.08315845867613943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320823663860924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018366173436153,0.09091242999422304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294008493121364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28058661337206875,0.0,0.07631731771985642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517254948545787,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,L1TTL3M3,2020/03/26,"I think I’m splitting on one of my FP So, I have this FP- or they were an FP for a while.. I love this person, but they have seriously questionable morals and have really offended me to the core with a lot of their actions. I see myself viewing this person in a very negative perspective and am also feeding this to others in the group.. I’m not sure if it is the dust settling and I see this person truly now through all their masks, and I just don’t want them to be in my life. I don’t want to lose anymore good people from my life from this disorder, but I also know that I’m not that great of a judge of character, so I guess I’m questioning how others know if they’re splitting or coming to terms with truly not liking someone",3.920980392156864,4.362866098039216,5.261967320261436,84.58785294117645,71.02614379084967,8.47294117647059,26.41111111111111,8.548686976883017,1.6336828758169943,575,17,123,9,10,193,87,153,0.19699999999999998,0.701,0.102,-0.9496,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,5,1,7,8,1,0,8,0,9,4,0,1,2,29,23,16,0,4,10,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,11,7,1,0,5,0,0,2,6,3,0,1,1,3,19,5,19,21,3,9,1,1,3,1,12,4,0,8,4,91,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710387212137748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16806158722336645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597721920556908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942190799946304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213737821353398,0.0,0.1868333637557825,0.18668240808152195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18626467450261672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393932110178042,0.08279097681226523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18958555521388265,0.0,0.14407123448953704,0.15294681659994186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483239652825848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174841860846035,0.4439052091385376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.379674296682918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856222558306478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27007986355259994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358530241491704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971670785331216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858493619557752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398245789089674,0.19990713063331653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,IcicleBoner,2020/03/26,"How to bring up possible diagnosis I've struggled with mental issues for as long as I could remember, so I've been in therapy for a while. I've also had to move around a lot in the past few years because of school, so I've bounced between a few psychiatrists. This means I haven't really been able to stay with one doctor for long enough to develop a serious treatment plan. For a while, the general diagnosis was chronic depression and anxiety. Then sometime last year I got diagnosed with bipolar 2, which felt like a step closer toward the right diagnosis, but I don't believe it was entirely correct. Now that I'm going to be staying in one place for the next few years, I can finally start a real treatment plan with a psychiatrist I really like. I told her about the previous bipolar diagnosis and she thought it seemed accurate. I didn't even know BPD was a thing until recently. After finding information online, it was like a lightbulb went on. I was like, that's me! Almost every symptom described exactly how I've felt for years. It was such a relief to know my experience wasn't unique. I have an appointment with the psych next week, but I'm not sure how to bring this up. I'd love to start on a treatment plan specifically for the BPD, but I don't know how to bring up that I think I was misdiagnosed without sounding paranoid or ignorant. I mean, who am I to question a doctor? Maybe I AM wrong. Does anyone have any advice? Have you been through something similar? I'd love to hear your thoughts. EDIT: For context, I'm 22F USA",3.618830769230773,5.7031551600000014,5.0760000000000005,79.22146153846154,74.06666666666666,8.615384615384617,29.871794871794872,9.265573868473778,2.8709641025641024,1228,55,229,30,26,411,163,300,0.055,0.8390000000000001,0.106,0.9607,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,2,0,3,12,13,0,1,21,0,24,9,0,4,3,42,50,19,0,1,6,0,2,4,0,0,7,2,0,0,12,8,0,1,15,0,0,7,7,5,0,2,20,4,22,8,43,28,5,43,0,1,0,2,11,13,0,5,25,149,34,5,0.0993002817293536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703508604765212,0.0,0.0,0.09943488825597033,0.0,0.0,0.07941039942276044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752759672771448,0.0,0.07596444372613217,0.0,0.0,0.06943306583171549,0.0,0.0,0.08839830362140899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060532530070321236,0.0,0.0,0.11187741301871576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501304573339315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792831948234248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552718714736407,0.10078769570078458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20327609212641626,0.08689834571414724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260373566491858,0.0,0.06558689955897652,0.0,0.08366477014301328,0.0,0.0,0.09713472976146488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906876856476656,0.10877860487508187,0.09075865852434467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056434638482682126,0.0,0.0794195065523357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191863443363208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364369510231054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16371851373520493,0.08094298304147554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940524072079588,0.0,0.0,0.17575524906568832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442154851461772,0.17924476240517034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997604798621553,0.21633423535675486,0.0,0.0,0.10007132830766824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554048447448976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112139523126044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345768816226008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479335497175037,0.0,0.0,0.10374765941957084,0.0,0.0,0.11194614750834966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123904147395262,0.0,0.0,0.1130254602063253,0.1272286064097156,0.0,0.09804704853248772,0.0,0.11248786176631682,0.08480189802934654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049718649913228,0.0,0.09039924702864456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644620824808425,0.09821051773195992,0.0,0.1405705010075633,0.21168177600118696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381021486618364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358934035935283,0.1032110141156007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135585262628808,0.0,0.06597069482029061,0.06362761096252945,0.0,0.15766666348800432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488567461248328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965269630262828,0.0,0.0,0.09205235601006227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572192804827984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856926965166824,0.0,0.2557845029843261 bpd,cmadison_,2020/03/26,"Is fear of abandonment a necessary symptom to be diagnosed with BPD? Hi everyone. So, after learning some stuff about BPD, I've identified with a lot of the symptoms. But I see a lot of emphasis placed on BPD people having a strong fear of abandonment, and I don't think this is really the case for me. Of course I'm afraid of rejection and people leaving me, but I don't think it's to an irrational extent. Is this symptom necessary to be diagnosed with BPD? Also, could anyone please explain their experience with this symptom to me? I think I need some real-life examples of how this symptom could manifest.",5.593879310344828,6.843930456896555,6.646034482758622,73.23991379310345,67.70689655172413,10.972413793103447,33.46551724137931,10.9516,4.115262068965516,487,22,85,15,8,163,66,116,0.129,0.826,0.045,-0.8121,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,4,7,0,3,7,0,10,7,0,1,0,23,17,7,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,1,9,1,19,13,5,3,0,3,1,0,3,2,0,4,1,62,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764672807432218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766345602661034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5521472335213913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17501266000585153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22248249152597246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472707581578168,0.0,0.10720939962349248,0.0,0.2466599496870619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605010850315232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18635525221028248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126668458208758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196506926652348,0.0,0.114508212521196,0.12030740411780352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474829302192865,0.07021228422426988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733665895831315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546527407588148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.569579535817843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21068091672838934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,steveharvey-13,2020/03/26,Not coping This isolation is killing me I cant stop splitting Im numb 24/7 and when I do feel it’s pure pain my SO can’t deal with me like this. There’s something about being locked up in my house that is triggering me behind believe. Everything is shit there no point in any of it. I don’t want to be like this any more it’s never going to get better I’ll never be happy or normal so what’s the point.,-0.8397565543071153,1.2848713820224729,1.4890168539325863,97.5969709737828,93.6067415730337,4.3149812734082404,15.281835205992513,5.985473137389443,-0.6814501872659178,319,7,74,3,12,107,61,89,0.19399999999999998,0.6679999999999999,0.13699999999999998,-0.8202,0,1,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,2,0,1,0,10,3,1,1,3,12,14,5,1,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,0,1,8,4,9,11,1,10,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,6,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28253318139315586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340456565755503,0.0,0.18372429321901906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21416515878936146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18669838328731408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503681025972723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085327078386975,0.0,0.11806030959147727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211372492921947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396977342099683,0.0,0.0,0.22438891881923875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229827457499604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20297717756244069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204353219311017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20353571413001592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22104416560139184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927525164023559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132364898584866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599241752143574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367535255873098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122527196540292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,simmysimshi,2020/03/26,"DAE get emotionally attached to inanimate objects/small stuff? I wanna know if this has anything to do with borderline or not, since it really messes me up. I get really, really emotionally attached to inanimate objects such as plushies, toys, insects and stuff. For example, if I go to sleep and some of my plushies (a lobster and two seals, which all have names) is missing I get really anxious and sometimes need to take my atarax. I also am, at the moment, very attached to worms on a string (I know, u can roast me for it) and get all emotional when I think about them even though I don't even own one. FIY I'm 22 years old. I also have a meal bug farm, for my gecko, and one of the bugs had some issues during the pupae to bug stage and is kinda deformed and I didn't have the heart to just leave him be and die off, so he's my pet now (his name is Bung). So, does anyone else experience this? How do you deal with it?",3.7459440559440575,4.592666449197863,4.9119786096256695,85.4667009461127,71.67379679144385,8.32069107363225,26.149321266968325,8.617729084823388,1.6222467297408474,714,22,153,12,13,236,117,187,0.057,0.934,0.009000000000000001,-0.8192,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,1,0,13,2,0,0,7,0,15,3,2,1,2,29,27,20,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,8,11,1,0,3,1,0,1,3,2,0,3,2,0,20,0,22,24,5,11,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,6,5,105,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152567822561603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204389358900686,0.0,0.094105674078951,0.13789928156456055,0.11075282653376801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875227639873958,0.0,0.0,0.13967903979499954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777713257823895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124293495480961,0.4541734712885026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17778559306902048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316509520526461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28126256131418265,0.0,0.07648833638840767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948508105245293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047283775824632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792991312042333,0.0,0.0,0.14250716190845114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979382808752826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122538760549694,0.0,0.18239793978322644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.344877001321836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133094606104328,0.0,0.1346832158618047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310901458980715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.308137585690136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119193718821193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623728691707902,0.13223008077724366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147098488733355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111047561032904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666898394861912 bpd,throwsmyway00,2020/03/26,"What would you do if your SO went out drinking with his cousin and a single female friend and never told you about it? Like really drunk, til late at night, and stumbled his way home. And never even said he was going out with them. And never told you about it after. Is it a normal thing to be upset about or not?",2.853281250000002,4.2127490156250005,3.598875,92.05862500000002,74.46875,5.745000000000001,15.925,5.6839178017228535,-0.6840587500000002,243,2,52,1,5,77,47,64,0.076,0.836,0.087,0.1943,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,1,0,5,3,0,1,2,0,5,2,0,0,3,17,10,9,0,3,3,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,5,9,2,0,0,2,0,2,4,1,0,0,5,1,7,2,11,3,1,13,0,0,0,0,13,3,0,2,8,44,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22223791102599974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983988663023873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17527263853480102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893062317513146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275605899511821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559096627198926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083307372312694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.524908742237661,0.0,0.0,0.2128941574909992,0.22227611084523832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533329131843278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21579724512706336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071670561133438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4335517861759429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007210573040103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21030289099412566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115590650008,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ThrowRAjo,2020/03/26,"How to a supportive friend Hey, just joined this group because my friend 30(M) told me he had BPD. We have feelings for each other, but he asked me to not act on it, saying it wouldn't do us any good. I'm sad, obviously, but agreed to be just friends. Any ideas what this all means? I love him (like I love all my friends, but there was room for more) and am truly confused by his worry. What is this about? And how can I be supportive and help him not to worry so much?",1.2684240362811825,3.02145098979592,2.2627891156462603,98.23379818594108,79.91836734693878,5.580045351473924,19.05215419501134,6.42735559955562,-0.3062145124716551,359,8,87,3,9,113,68,98,0.111,0.568,0.321,0.982,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,0,0,0,7,12,0,1,1,0,10,2,0,2,3,22,19,9,0,1,7,0,1,1,4,1,0,1,1,0,8,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,2,12,10,9,13,5,3,0,1,0,2,19,2,0,1,1,59,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318642062718235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593755904803677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392289758936424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147133274563048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619970412008301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5268490511461523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299035941274815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426900961300612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19245093193043186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328781408035771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077293327277505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18570246906858007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532226123557916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557237148950854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38691689061262136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290074500430524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20506619663179348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462610038671759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MusicalPanda97,2020/03/26,"DAE get insanely triggered by sounds and smells? I constantly find myself badly triggered when a sound or smell reminds me of something. Currently stressing out like f**k because I bought the wrong scented Dove deodorant and it’s one I used when an ex and me were on holiday a couple years ago. As soon as I used it and smelled it I broke down crying. We’ve only newly broken up and she broke my heart I still love her so much and now every time I freaking spray myself I freak out thinking of her. But it cost £2.50 and coronavirus has taken my job so I can’t really afford another one.... anyone else get this s**t or just me?",3.01645818181818,5.020841744000002,4.134618181818183,85.65930909090909,75.56,7.105454545454546,24.96363636363636,8.00094639256281,1.5159599999999998,498,17,96,8,11,162,91,125,0.198,0.732,0.07,-0.9447,3,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,1,4,0,3,2,1,4,0,19,11,16,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,9,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,7,0,2,3,6,19,2,10,8,1,15,0,2,0,1,5,5,0,2,11,62,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17343978142759842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20516538329479095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368092300581504,0.20047563253828746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336698241084022,0.11927183011713882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114377276193246,0.0,0.0,0.21649281635797454,0.2149220794695236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344787812379213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648510352977881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882866102903014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044473664005318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318567010767329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416123619652068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558903997339012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17658976773431054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438317810483707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651670257948622,0.14880738612009936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534408120816373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062775589707866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625342502150238,0.0,0.2241265726531664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253703024913384,0.0,0.0,0.11409025959228647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.337972882988008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139222575166168,0.0,0.12599789630097244 bpd,dyingoutsidein,2020/03/26,"He wants to hang out with his friends alone My new boyfriend and I have been dating for two months. In typical bpd fashion, we’re already in love and I’m basically living with him. We spend every single day together and rarely do things alone, which, I love. He says he enjoys it but I know he doesn’t need that kind of dynamic in the way that I do. This is my first relationship where I’ve been 100% faithful and committed to my partner and it makes me want to be around him all the time even more. In all my past relationships I was always cheating (pls no judgement) and had one foot out the door. In this one all my eggs are truly in one basket. Which makes the fear of abandonment overwhelming, if he leaves he leaves with everything I have emotionally. Even though he’s shown no signs of wanting to leave I still worry about it often. In my past relationships my fear made me a controlling and manipulative partner. I’m trying not to repeat past patterns. And I say all this to finally say that- today he’s supposed to hang out with his friends alone and my anxiety and worry are through the roof. I feel absolutely crazy and the feelings I feel are so isolating. I can’t tell my partner because I don’t want to manipulate or control what he does. The anxiety I feel when his friends ask to hang out alone is just ugh. I worry why suddenly now they want to hang out alone when we usually hang out altogether. It’s just a few of his guy friends and I wonder if they ask because they dislike me. If they’re gonna talk badly about me when I’m not around. About how my boyfriend and I are moving too fast, how I’m too suffocating, and clingy. Even if they just hang out normally and don’t talk badly about me I worry that they’ll do something fun and exciting and I’ll miss out. Then the next time we all hang out they’ll talk about how great of a time they had when I wasn’t there. Then I feel the anxiety about what I’ll do and for how long. He doesn’t know what time they’ll be over and for how long it’ll be. I don’t have a car due to recent circumstances and I don’t have many friends were I live because I live in my college city and every one went home for online college. Not to mention I just have a hard time making and keeping any close friends. So my only option is to go home. Where I live alone. And be alone for however long, whenever long. I think most people with bpd can understand what a hell it is to be alone. I don’t even want to lay in my bed because of the depression it will cause me. Usually, in past relationships, today would be when I cheated. Something to give me the attention I need and to curb the anxiety. But I just will not cheat on my partner, I love him quite a lot and can not betray his trust. Nor do I really want to. So I guess I’m seeking support for what I can do alone while he’s with his friends what won’t be self destructive or impulsive or a bad habit. Because honestly I can’t spend anymore money using online shopping as a coping mechanism. And I can’t go waste my money on food and eat until I can’t walk because none of the restaurants are doing inside dining. All the museums in walking distance are closed. I know there’s a killer virus out and that’s why everything is close and I probably just sound like a baby whining about not having things to distract me from being alone but fuck. This is such a confusing and debilitating mental illness. I just feel so crazy. How can I not be okay with being alone and just doing nothing for a few hours? And why don’t I have anyone in close proximity that would want to hang out with me other than males who I’ve shared ‘experiences’ with? I feel like I used to have so many friends in my early teens, am I that unbearable?",3.499887978521503,4.795563654353567,4.509772253853633,86.41538096560663,72.74670184696568,7.905050224505856,26.22700550849419,8.425802102053193,1.588572207563764,2942,98,623,49,57,958,284,758,0.18600000000000005,0.6890000000000001,0.125,-0.9943,2,11,2,0,0,0,59.0,3,0,8,4,48,44,6,5,27,1,71,10,1,17,7,147,120,65,0,17,25,0,8,2,12,10,1,4,4,7,30,61,4,5,14,2,5,15,25,19,0,6,9,12,90,25,85,91,13,93,2,5,0,4,66,35,2,14,44,412,120,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5212463979055353,0.05048928186902628,0.0,0.03806994151155954,0.0,0.0,0.03111342939533528,0.0,0.14000287117926746,0.0,0.045374419966377234,0.03199137680210263,0.0,0.0,0.0814592703330524,0.08554526395397981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460487035354752,0.1673426591553181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524793863555585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04700066302378063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263116767388003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029506729678416957,0.0,0.039406764458404034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04003852757933128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04681647109175255,0.0,0.05146566982886221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087700244481835,0.0,0.0770973067268435,0.0,0.08223921789278099,0.04475495505125758,0.0,0.1029690959930617,0.16193770619570086,0.032685763726746135,0.0,0.05011988589125796,0.0,0.03891725385275074,0.055324389958780015,0.0,0.28278760259560065,0.0422976671647865,0.0,0.04389019338757255,0.05200466846057799,0.0,0.0,0.050442552940539724,0.05040179689227569,0.045302401856219865,0.0,0.0,0.04098546468588903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178744927828272,0.0,0.0450572287545789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040667133951260204,0.0,0.04764443390364103,0.07543352147343528,0.0,0.0,0.14533662369136266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04470495148083456,0.0,0.16160201640126434,0.16195892635463974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038897339997832486,0.12388089158712914,0.04329234504021804,0.09162091962965917,0.092772186217986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046107996710627694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036519397353572965,0.04862791763917194,0.0,0.06785014799838639,0.0,0.04418827751391614,0.048658553769401626,0.0,0.044827967035852026,0.04390098413200462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401295196370304,0.03479701741089117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470465409588895,0.0317191863226057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049329187748121325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04866366653151971,0.0,0.0,0.02931037423527132,0.0,0.045175307130167104,0.1964852638411167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915323609764732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04773008192926344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704453828694214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03653819405574656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05191966259693174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032294829638074,0.03998990788097464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06079216956968679,0.029316505802197888,0.04495183080212864,0.0,0.1333939414217578,0.0,0.08673648796621783,0.0,0.0,0.031063104442718932,0.0,0.044693774921006464,0.047630211713250534,0.0,0.07903134784083354,0.10078034957071973,0.0,0.2158891927534622,0.03631639220725462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04241324463155193,0.12385418352036345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049616890490482964,0.0,0.1858564971179597,0.0,0.06500286186173568,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GriffOfficial_,2020/03/26,"Literally have no friends left My mental health has been bad in the past few years and I'm kind of used to this whole no friends thing but fucking HELL it's so annoying like I'm like oh cool I learnt something awesome gonna share it with.......wait I've burned every bridge I've even remotely created! Seriously this whole Corona thing also has got me into a spin even tho I'm not even affected by it yet Then like I'm feeling sooooo gone mentally and I'm over it I hate this fucking illness so much and the fact that I can literally be arrested for having suicidal thoughts or having mention I do in trying to get my diagnosis for bpd confirmed is bullshit FUCKKKKKKKK",2.407894736842106,4.913615315789475,3.818759398496241,84.60453007518797,80.05263157894737,7.1082706766917285,27.545112781954888,8.192908349453996,2.0972345864661652,539,24,104,11,14,177,93,133,0.257,0.556,0.188,-0.9512,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,8,15,5,0,3,1,10,4,0,2,1,12,25,10,1,0,3,0,1,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,4,2,7,8,10,19,4,10,1,0,0,2,4,5,3,1,7,61,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083880415180274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660745989892548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20606098292798053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241884527227801,0.0,0.13784842482494572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272609795356152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25280925646299984,0.3025094930018116,0.08547943713854245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085380931424426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615309363738097,0.0,0.17390970782406012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703745680393899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17776267070650478,0.0,0.0,0.23979464673166176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297606615967986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120272125810243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618419371010422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595491952974908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789627115196837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21739033884965955,0.0,0.0,0.12988801123862986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108040473509004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413064512130113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36532929425369015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535943256268378 bpd,ThyaJawantal,2020/03/26,"Feeling perplexed I always try to be honest. I met this guy and he was sweet and caring, somehow too nice for me but I know that it's because I like to be treated badly. I told him right from the start that I have borderline, ads and had suffered from depression, he told me he would be there and thinks he can handle it. Not that I haven't heard it before, that's why there was more anxiety than a few years ago, but I really didn't think that he would go right away after my first borderline-ish I don't know how to call it, breakdown? It wasn't even that bad, not even my final form (I was moody and stubborn and didn't want to talk and the next day I cried because yeah well, I think I knew he couldn't handle me or I hated myself again, can't decide. and it hurts that he went away right after the first time even when I told him I had borderline from the start I don't know, what's the point in being honest? Obviously it doesn't matter whether you tell it right at the start or just act like you were normal for a while I'm so devastated and I really start to think I shouldn't let anyone near me anymore, at least when it's more than friendship. I don't really know what to think. I was 1 1/2 years single now after my last relationship and I thought I could date again (I dir before, too) ... More like fall in love again, I thought I could do it. Then I see myself in situations like this, where he goes partying every second weekend and I don't hear anything till the next noon and I know that won't be okay for me, that'll hurt me but as soon as it gets difficult, it's just good for me. And I know it, but how do I stop it? How do I stop falling in love with guys telling me ""I never had serious relationships, maybe one, because I was never really in love before you"" and my heart goes oooh, and thinks I'm the one because I'm gaming so I gotta be cool, right? But then I sometimes get to hear things like ""now you're acting like a woman again"" and yeah well, because I am one... I'll stop now, just needed to get these thoughts out of my head so I don't hurt myself (mostly hours of sad songs and crying, can manage 99 % of the time to not punch myself again or different things )",2.9849135607703943,3.8405095921908963,4.089852100177481,90.62191809636495,73.46854663774404,7.149700913692237,21.995727338460526,7.348242739294969,0.4979567606652209,1706,37,389,18,33,556,194,461,0.157,0.6809999999999999,0.162,-0.4207,1,0,0,0,0,2,54.0,0,3,0,2,31,33,2,0,12,4,42,5,2,3,3,74,87,40,0,9,15,0,1,6,0,6,0,4,0,3,30,19,0,4,18,3,0,6,19,13,2,6,22,8,60,20,39,49,8,67,0,6,1,3,33,18,0,5,49,261,90,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06136402808303399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05760097301604013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05295714469719167,0.0,0.06865286985818382,0.04840392075108282,0.0,0.05696650165856487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007884629109553,0.0,0.11560042354739873,0.2109954207904213,0.0,0.17671682702369573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068674402312619,0.0,0.07057977988603842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054149584657327,0.0,0.15208142459217033,0.04464457449933341,0.0,0.059623626569763936,0.0,0.0,0.07232567688752976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716792066720807,0.0,0.05832527852759972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03500237823370336,0.0,0.0,0.07583290333957479,0.0,0.11776596443417275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850204460049194,0.0,0.03934231818817358,0.05806287498348986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708780855833946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834562576098083,0.07104510203258728,0.0,0.15604382859385227,0.08203228232302358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817294996058765,0.0,0.2223212608787412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282663992839024,0.05642783722083875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078753223947835,0.0,0.20291983137003627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187435536021156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954609167109642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05132966309920242,0.10678159694622136,0.0,0.14724372727600887,0.0,0.06782607004562934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072651052402646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654402589785467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738993109860854,0.0,0.0,0.1486440736601234,0.0,0.29559002635016435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055163580298540515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778121077622641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846556550941155,0.0,0.19599201934137006,0.0,0.0,0.17362628487386444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05564065257748712,0.1210118804131354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198039135171283,0.26614056012524856,0.0,0.16487140369959766,0.08073162726561961,0.0,0.0,0.1984431460431536,0.0,0.04699941659369763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040830859834887635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448366887208134,0.06417252200933714,0.06246504196943176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835129615122537,0.0,0.0,0.0891576129002867 bpd,RexxaBiBaby,2020/03/26,"The Fire that Burns *It hurts…* The words just keep repeating in my head. I grip my arms in a self-made embrace so tight that should I let go I could fall apart at any moment. *It hurts…* There is no one here to make it better. There is no one here to tell me it’s okay. It’s up to me, but I don’t know how. All I know to do is rock back and forth, listening to my head tell me what I already know. It’s a cruel track on repeat. *It hurts…* The pain is physical as much as it is emotional. My chest seems to be caving in on itself while my brain is screaming to be unbound from whatever invisible chains hold it down. I am an un-salvageable, unforgivable human being. Everything feels so overwhelming and overstimulating. I want to talk and scream, but what can I say that I haven’t said already? What can I express that hasn’t already been expressed? Besides, it will only be met with plaintive pats on the head and feeble attempts at comfort. *What do I need…?* *It hurts…* *Save me…* I keep trying. Each step like trudging through thick, suctioning mud. The muck covering to my knees, every step a fight for the next. Fatigue has set in long ago and I want to just stop. I want to just sleep. Maybe when I wake up things will have righted themselves. Maybe I will feel less monstrous and grotesque. *Yes…sleep.* *Trust no one.* My inner fire burns me, constantly. It isn’t without it’s own pain. Put it out. PUT IT OUT. I don’t want to burn anymore. I don’t want to feel anything. I want complete numbness. I want disconnection. I just want to exist. When will it die? When can I bathe in the ashes of the aftermath and its eerie quiet as the particles fall like snow around me? *It hurts…* A visceral self-loathing. This is the part where I am supposed to rise from the ashes…but it has to stop burning first. *It hurts…*",-0.5557555199210569,1.415294181818183,0.988549812918876,97.62507709386948,105.80440771349865,4.150635253484643,17.81460466263723,6.0901366780834065,-0.14028239792771655,1400,45,304,18,67,445,182,363,0.156,0.768,0.076,-0.9899,0,0,0,0,1,0,68.0,0,0,0,3,17,16,2,1,16,1,35,13,9,2,1,47,57,19,1,10,7,0,8,2,0,5,4,6,1,1,31,12,0,6,7,2,0,8,10,9,0,4,3,14,36,7,42,43,6,46,0,2,0,0,11,21,0,1,18,199,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850060633615976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.317471031351958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521260323895296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510311476331863,0.0,0.0,0.07891427927325688,0.08536781672097503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373814407100414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481226438587207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705170787934616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054518519563513,0.10362956366237966,0.0,0.07656519375899315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952496112270506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078701503563515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079655910774161,0.0,0.08618518741504895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546377453813725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156913217125285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05449993582837604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952510436606927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047363294683876,0.0,0.0,0.15810588554091348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806020951913227,0.0,0.09369993344974664,0.0,0.0,0.08486498764867277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401135882814582,0.0,0.19268094549285994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049463158089342,0.0711057068782393,0.0,0.0,0.10198653837950072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19494493832893225,0.07293326818726055,0.20408031932490275,0.0,0.0,0.10384607845915596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280403626753584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818947037667676,0.0912191046760858,0.07626038890836456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730016341836752,0.2000809911287012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19193061238393294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16034678550605327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707761348525635,0.16763475109531076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637090753290202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065107123989903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4524958046804102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924403713084926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_sadfish,2020/03/26,"Just here I’m just here. No purpose. No gain. No reason to feel the ways I do. I can’t open up, or my world will crash down. I can’t help but to disappear and feel like everyone would be better without me. I feel lazy. Unmotivated to do anything. Or change my surroundings. All I can do is sit in my sorrow and cry. Because I am nothing. Just a speck of nothing. If I was gone, the world would go on. It would keep moving. So fast that I can’t keep up. I don’t feel pretty no matter how much u tell me I don’t feel nice because of what I’ve done Don’t tell me I’m a good person because you’ve only seen what you’ve wanted to see out of me. As you can see, my thoughts are filled with negativity.. no sign to change or to feel better Maybe I’m comfortable here. Maybe it’s my own fault. I hope if any of you feel this way your sorrows are lifted and your heart becomes light, because I’ve felt this way for too fucking long.",-0.4721833333333301,1.6103912150000037,1.7609999999999992,97.27966666666669,89.35,4.533333333333334,17.833333333333336,5.985473137389443,-0.4648666666666671,713,19,171,6,24,239,108,200,0.152,0.672,0.177,0.8208,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,4,0,3,9,11,1,0,4,0,22,2,1,2,1,37,44,12,0,7,10,0,8,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,2,10,0,0,5,13,4,0,0,6,12,24,7,20,33,3,21,0,2,3,1,8,10,1,6,3,104,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987803329258543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666103044456233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864144253045565,0.12972729931568255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20777078484079292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485179610362065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902624160304216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020417520928578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223975741720274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4157454108470744,0.08391471380361715,0.11278172214589505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085915159996494,0.0,0.0,0.06675623226680877,0.09852136190697794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919276606782022,0.07873215017481258,0.0,0.0,0.11666604382585237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20881084102929615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05738588886098324,0.0,0.0,0.10394997242996694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23601227699083974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484327506222236,0.08634791817363982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254154775107677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933497107993378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256308910812673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950085098691632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077026544642575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720364984415694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20533353315033973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325152682397206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692819967993302,0.2797070630439015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132289571373548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503244193012446,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheAnxiousApple,2020/03/26,Do I have to have a FP? Or does it change? I'm trying to understand the whole favourite person thing. Can it change? I know of past FP whom have exited my life however I know I'll always have a soft spot for them. Right now I don't know if I have one? Is this normal?,-1.3772457627118655,0.6173521864406766,1.0862499999999995,100.41039194915257,94.93220338983048,4.983898305084747,12.459745762711865,6.6274283507984215,-0.8805440677966101,205,3,52,3,8,69,41,59,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,9,1,0,0,0,7,14,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,7,0,4,14,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,2,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20669102157303454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5255544325215197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21737895670628493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40954703356876987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754542377052945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24338199466025426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683241601637505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23712857174786134,0.0,0.2168957361034463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121346266011942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502777694292514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686491897694652,0.0,0.0,0.25859606623672954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773328456169738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Brightseptember,2020/03/26,"Not good enough - confirmed by my bf Im 28 Im really ashamed that I live wwith my friend in a room, work as waitres for the minimum, have a family with is toxiv mother is bipolar and my father is probably also BPD. I dont really fit it, giys dont go after me. Have always felt like guys pick me just because I was available, just because of their insecurities.. I was engaged with a guy whom I always questioned whether he really likes me as there were rumours he tried to pick some other friends I knew. Yesterday we had a little argument where he opened up that since he had low self esteem he picked up girl that are less pretty less interesting. I started panicking that its the same with me; that the rumours were true etc. He ackowledged in a very cold mannner ""yeah, mhm, so what, but I still like you"". I was trigged by it and tried to turned on him, made up a story how I picked up him just because he was available. He flipped out. Started cursing, said to go fuck myself, then aksed what wrong he did to me, all he was trying to show me love since he was so damaged. He hysterically asked what I wanted and said you want me to think I picked you because you are my dream girl -but I cant lie, I knew it would f* hurt you to know that I picked you because you are poor (oe how you call it) and not the dream, Im telling how it was, why thr fuck did you want truth, you can have it and do the f* you want with it. And havent replied since. I know that he sometimes doesnt value girl who had sex before him. So in my mind he is narcissist. Thinking he did me a favour and he things I am a poor trash that should be grateful. Im crying as my fear got true. How do you live with that?",1.3785037878787882,3.2409720397727284,2.7501136363636403,94.34412878787882,80.02272727272728,5.743939393939394,21.74621212121212,6.714681859716394,0.2824723484848493,1306,39,299,13,33,423,171,352,0.141,0.733,0.125,-0.9058,0,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,1,12,1,1,14,22,2,3,13,1,37,5,0,11,4,55,61,22,0,6,8,2,1,3,3,2,1,2,1,6,24,15,0,0,8,3,2,2,7,9,0,0,22,4,49,13,29,36,7,23,0,3,0,4,55,15,2,2,9,186,73,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607416888015607,0.15830894405557178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893223805845388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899470314207284,0.0,0.08094728502584489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981092395713523,0.0,0.09713676018902873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044941104161086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229796164483065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829309475139997,0.10609334241617084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896786149713071,0.10704592790133917,0.0,0.0,0.0913382082622344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469919737902767,0.175889396174622,0.0,0.0,0.10812735485099703,0.07978921141581494,0.07608289339631967,0.0,0.0,0.18838419803880468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183694883364773,0.0,0.4110201020775723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456019155538444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942483325403013,0.09534367521056897,0.16800028814049622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585711962925907,0.09001281794621849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605259342753196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677980977128108,0.10256453403209116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656560965150713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828251191422447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809778369567536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923969633120258,0.0,0.0,0.2360736540832401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408444694974394,0.0,0.13466478082154676,0.0,0.07596968486156537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314643834683087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319910005970307,0.12190891009212035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19375787306850506,0.10347241200156183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784909151126625,0.22443684427143687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583860928715555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925462799142182,0.0,0.0,0.06757650533030739,0.10400800165612747,0.0,0.0 bpd,bhaldbhabie,2020/03/26,"I’m really scared Through extensive research, family history, and my own mental illness I have come to the self diagnosis that I probably have Borderline personality disorder. I’m really scared bc I have no one to tell or talk to about it and I feel like I can feel myself going crazy.",3.1311111111111103,5.955530259259259,5.838518518518517,69.23333333333335,79.74074074074073,11.007407407407408,27.51851851851852,10.504223727775694,4.253318518518519,230,10,39,10,6,82,39,54,0.278,0.679,0.042,-0.9167,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,10,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,0,2,7,1,5,10,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,25,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115024960991093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28139884039776103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314639875847317,0.0,0.2482948571822281,0.17540679866836226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954045080205965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995363622880648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24743665663239814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637759392146848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21438746921185364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647230450585506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145858212377401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4916370557491657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561415098445428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19734784580938225,0.21460418606356865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PlacidInertia,2020/03/26,"Are there any keen and interested armchair psychologists out there who could help me determine whether or not I'm BPD? I haven't been to a psychologist or psychiatrist or therapist or anything, for the simple reason that I can't afford it. But I've been doing some research, and I seem to have many of the traits of the subtype ""discouraged"" BPD type. I think it's also comorbid with social anxiety. Idk. I can't stop feeling scared all the time, and ashamed and worthless and like I'm just a waste of space. And I want to die.",4.213325242718446,5.8772462912621375,5.126395631067961,81.24066140776698,71.52427184466019,8.645145631067964,29.379854368932037,9.188382445141503,2.5058553398058256,420,17,82,9,8,137,70,103,0.16,0.691,0.149,-0.2905,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,2,6,0,9,0,0,1,1,26,15,13,1,2,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,2,4,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,1,7,3,9,12,2,4,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,6,3,54,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124331408526326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412245136795338,0.0,0.17337839418575585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18650477922133787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5708883643754926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809529870837865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352157438697251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145956067975803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519115016510843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072448207115088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297766115236392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23302287995477405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269054114415383,0.0,0.0,0.20632384727166986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23103015839699698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18948054841953227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631456196724986,0.0,0.14522127028706724,0.0,0.0,0.1321551603221008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367769263005422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,forestwltch,2020/03/26,"seeking advice/vent post/CW: Multiple hi guys, i’ll preface by saying it wouldn’t let me flair it as “cw: multiple” so i’m sorry if that breaks the rules somehow... i’m not even sure if this entirely fits here since it involves several other mental illnesses, but my BPD is the main culprit. i know that a lot of people are having a really hard time right now with everything going on, including myself. the hardest part is sitting at home all day, every day. i’m only a week into quarantine and i’m going insane. my partner works at an ‘essential’ (liquor) store so they’re still going to work long hours, leaving me alone. everything that i’ve been able to hold at bay with my daily routines and coping mechanisms is creeping back up to me. OCD is in full swing. im scared to leave my apartment complex because i’ll have to touch the doors. i’m having a really hard time not breaking my few-weeks-clean streak, like a really hard time, and intrusive thoughts and visions of me bleeding out on the bathroom floor taunt me. ive also fallen back into disordered eating habits that i had to work so hard to get rid of. i really don’t know what to fucking do, it feels like i’ve tried everything that i can to distract myself and it’s just not working. it’s reached a point where when my partner goes to work after being alone for a few hours i’ll think of doing shitty things like downloading tinder or hitting up old flings just for something to do, so someone will pay attention to me. i feel horrible saying that because while my job is closed my partner has to work extra hard to support us... but i’m so fucking lonely. i’m not being dramatic when i say it’s killing me and i’m not sure if i can survive another week (minimum, lol) of this. so sorry for the long rant post but if anyone has any words of advice to offer me it would be much appreciated. i’m not in danger of dying but it feels like i’m losing my mind and it’s becoming pretty unbearable. and i definitely do not have money for therapy rn. i hope you guys are having a lovely night in spite of it all, sending love to each and every one of you",3.294282352941177,4.895064463529412,4.8610000000000015,82.47550000000003,73.7764705882353,7.729411764705883,26.382352941176467,8.405096225971981,1.8660823529411763,1667,59,321,29,34,561,221,425,0.158,0.735,0.107,-0.9414,1,5,1,0,0,0,44.0,1,2,0,8,19,19,5,2,15,1,31,8,0,0,4,55,59,29,2,7,18,0,9,4,3,3,2,3,2,5,22,16,2,1,9,1,3,5,9,9,0,1,3,12,32,10,47,48,10,51,0,2,0,4,17,21,2,8,25,202,54,8,0.07788563647671791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610894255056683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613320606218274,0.0,0.06228511535112589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052964903616446284,0.08166988081958433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05445944795576983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197784937143408,0.0,0.09495672217573124,0.08601856632485211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809423262646666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045958441908023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083299410666606,0.0,0.08926368709741615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969645028614489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05144272833594011,0.0,0.1312440158231827,0.0,0.20999576391132813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181439540124792,0.11128302852250656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400803178059954,0.04069203044798751,0.0,0.13279260625474726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15423805054854806,0.0,0.0,0.3488511599253076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812564379278235,0.07735801085530665,0.15340332612567836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412985263717747,0.0,0.07728947625228164,0.0,0.08616891704440564,0.0,0.08560781784448432,0.0,0.0,0.16493928646144546,0.0,0.07964334021076197,0.0,0.15220395130826075,0.0,0.0,0.13785267472769658,0.0,0.0871341048431998,0.0,0.06621558291578797,0.14058965555701902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849040267132859,0.0,0.07864229014231394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05725490444657886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309039371568879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172787370804532,0.0,0.05277732297273922,0.05923553620173965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434255440441796,0.0,0.05399609361675793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362710133299563,0.0,0.14918582033246375,0.07923769268857107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19958213241075431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665139079912294,0.0,0.18581335268049434,0.07797710937233422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798859995366842,0.0,0.0644278033415006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599224703827956,0.059960168107697484,0.0,0.17437318688941747,0.0,0.0,0.06219956989928504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838369728722947,0.14681258128132055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906901311165223,0.0,0.05174375606399498,0.04990597097011738,0.0,0.061832495452496285,0.13624722290781374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528792346202402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368683087600872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495031918490615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402100258110244,0.0,0.0,0.05532772150498103,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mekmekrecords,2020/03/26,"i just remembered that i suffer w bpd ive been so fixated over my recent diagnosis of adhd that i totally forgot that i have bpd. Ig i was confused over the overlapping symptoms of the 2 disorders but lately my bpd symptoms have been very apparent I actually really hate it cuz one harmless thing that i see as threatening can easily cause me to spiral and relapse and relapsing is the last thing i want to do lmaooo",3.170277777777777,5.667488543209879,5.548873456790127,73.31368055555558,77.14814814814815,9.975925925925926,28.64351851851852,10.125756701596842,3.7449370370370376,336,15,58,12,8,118,57,81,0.166,0.75,0.084,-0.8376,1,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,3,0,9,2,0,2,1,11,13,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,1,12,1,7,9,1,6,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,3,45,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.17030988755032592,0.0,0.2097434881868792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6594192075127221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17928384276339698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20001920000598905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230595289297387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226005181412954,0.1968702563619001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182617283996392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180430631529448,0.0,0.17232102994409124,0.0,0.19770125144927148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390727374648548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627937509629631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318914898043665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400027234872692,0.1029385587293334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheBossOfItAll,2020/03/26,"How should a person with BPD react to being gaslighted by their SO? Is there any hope for this relationship? Long story short, ,my boyfriend and I have been together for a year. He is intelligent, caring, and we really click well together. My main problem with him: he is a horrific liar. He is a diabetic with an anxiety disorder and limited life experience, so I feel for him, and understand where he comes from, I even have tolerance for lies that were meant to impress me (inflated sexual past, life experiences, friendships etc. ), but there are just some I can't deal with. Now, I have BPD, and I would like to think I can manage pretty well, in the sense that I can recognize where I am falling down a spiral of paranoia and delusion, but being lied to, just intensifies all my doubts about myself and even further loosens my already loosened grip on reality. I have confronted his lies with facts, and even still he insists firmly on telling the truth, then he acts distant, and accuses me of not loving him, otherwise I would blindly trust him. I explained to him, that that trust doesn't work that way, and that it has to be earned. To be fair to him though, he has finally admitted to some things. Unfortunately, my perception of him has already been messed up. I already suffer from pathological jealousy, and I can't even know if my jealousy is justified anymore. Being lied to hurts, especially when it is the one thing you have asked to not be done to you.",8.315934065934067,7.6443439450549455,8.223791208791209,70.8337087912088,61.93040293040293,12.049084249084249,37.44871794871795,11.35114627814755,4.241480586080586,1159,49,211,29,14,375,156,273,0.19399999999999998,0.67,0.13699999999999998,-0.9529,0,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,1,2,1,3,20,17,2,1,9,0,34,6,0,2,3,47,46,20,0,6,7,0,2,1,0,3,5,0,0,1,11,18,0,1,8,0,0,3,5,7,2,1,5,4,35,10,33,32,5,21,0,2,2,1,27,9,0,5,9,164,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4161397736767123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548042269293415,0.0,0.09616028222544984,0.0,0.12466078711188758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751268606959067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31662991513669786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815969577021966,0.0,0.0,0.10827956195834787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295913507160009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406327932687185,0.0,0.0,0.12863491103628666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018891139600564,0.3320950941006535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24591776282677055,0.0,0.0,0.063557780328994,0.0,0.0,0.13769838666349915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484862645049555,0.0,0.0,0.1345646265048181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908152338158853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17757148797516806,0.061410751294773365,0.0,0.0,0.1112406905373474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344930664176993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517768500026869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999503083368247,0.0,0.10975653566159524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788225790575564,0.0,0.12027808179811765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052674448335526,0.0,0.0,0.1349549353163674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038431420195468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986748473409083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670192084970374,0.08054359022947967,0.12349977397102055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085830489688854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977494017499487,0.0,0.0,0.22603908876970816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151121725591854,0.0,0.0,0.17858758150988768,0.0,0.0,0.08094678506612941 bpd,lamerthanjamesfranco,2020/03/26,"DAE get physical pain with emotional pain? When I hear something really really emotionally painful, I get this sort of pain that radiates from the centre of my upper chest and then outwards towards just under my collarbones. I was wondering if this is normal? And what causes it? Because I am certain it is caused by emotional pain because it never happens with anything else. It is a very physical resonse I am not imagining it, even thought I thought I was the first few times.",6.663103448275861,8.178724218390808,6.883390804597702,71.53818965517243,65.43678160919539,10.857471264367817,38.63793103448275,10.864195022040775,4.796296551724139,385,21,62,11,6,124,58,87,0.184,0.76,0.057,-0.9309999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,3,0,7,6,1,2,2,17,14,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,9,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,4,1,9,1,8,10,1,9,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,5,47,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660487886469093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793942488645354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661577528907819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821861224242843,0.4371636318961563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556355718484322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019130548102506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536431627290876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455662596493668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600715298030895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991344804406366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692704959170056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6892275365325277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16598028285049016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973042718870463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20568925605895508,0.07553900182237004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688857488005228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048652964420136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,catfoodonmyshelf,2020/03/26,"I [18F] have been emotionally abusive to my boyfriend [21M], and feel like I’m at my lowest. How can I better myself during this pandemic? My boyfriend/ex (not sure what we are right now) have been through an emotional roller coaster since December. It’s gotten progressively worse since mid-February when he downloaded Tinder and lied several times and twisted the story. It’s a long story but it’s in my post history if anyone wants details. I’ve been controlling throughout the relationship in different ways and recently it’s been bad. Coronavirus has shut down my school and I’ve been in isolation for a week. It’s just my father and I. It’s driving me crazy not having anything to do and I’ve been overly sensitive, in addition to the giant lie my boyfriend told recently. I’ve split on him so many times recently in the past 2 weeks. We’ve taken breaks and fought so many times in the past 3 months. Our relationship is so toxic, yet he is my first love and I don’t want to lose him but I think I did tonight. My self esteem is so low, and I am so unhappy with isolation. I want to become a better, happier person who is more self-conscious so I don’t split on any one in the future. I called my boyfriend such mean names and yelled and it’s not okay. This is like a rant / Asking for advice. TL:DR: I am emotionally abusive and want to stop it. I am so unhappy with myself I take it out on my relationship. how do i fix this to be a better person",2.3016829745596894,4.4787340410958905,3.9949510763209415,84.99520547945207,78.45205479452055,7.733072407045009,24.469667318982392,8.634040054169528,1.8146502935420743,1148,41,232,26,28,384,153,292,0.182,0.7140000000000001,0.10400000000000001,-0.9809,2,2,0,0,0,0,35.0,2,0,0,7,14,12,1,0,12,1,26,1,0,3,1,38,41,26,0,5,7,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,14,18,0,2,3,1,0,1,5,4,0,2,11,2,32,8,26,29,1,41,0,2,0,1,20,18,0,1,21,146,46,1,0.0,0.2397122266303055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885077718797118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879115266505181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073227632980197,0.0,0.08324470981548733,0.0,0.09456940984642244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446300398107562,0.0,0.11172145938248028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683990427061628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032939942367353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345770075581747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056889541997336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413686133940485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05114870553892408,0.07226755154279181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860452480847556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884172853870274,0.0,0.0,0.08952196402689287,0.0,0.11317032788368855,0.0,0.0,0.09129936805498946,0.0,0.0,0.205117396224696,0.0,0.11019110802292176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807436366677719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854752173556486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19313419903829693,0.0,0.17665515360883002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688174471410553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996450256249652,0.3258186587916048,0.0,0.08638868546063208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237765941450493,0.0,0.0,0.2110604595200078,0.1142801515514793,0.0,0.1673584790273418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457291729851152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534055574999342,0.0,0.07605849629789248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481819154744899,0.0,0.0,0.17695875705002595,0.0,0.0,0.09666114661703716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386632831234092,0.08029479646328228,0.16228626686156802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308900953751493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mojobubbles_bjj,2020/03/26,I wish I were dofferent Sometimes I feel like an imposter and that I'm just an empty shell going with the flow of life. Having my own Personality and being can be so taxing and hard sometimes. Why is dissociation so easy sometimes?,3.9804545454545455,6.365177045454548,5.595454545454548,74.53818181818184,74.0,7.127272727272729,26.90909090909091,8.07648339933343,1.9687454545454544,186,7,32,3,4,63,35,44,0.073,0.738,0.18899999999999997,0.7563,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,7,10,5,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,2,7,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,23,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133562648971165,0.18870947987862827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012306303287862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366273521438061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18657761640627613,0.12905080347020284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306464066079639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7837560835172707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383551316949925,0.0,0.3037605376111152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Matsdaq,2020/03/26,"Was there ever a me? Venting I've always know there was something wrong with me, but I thought it was something singular like depression or I was just bipolar, not my entire personality, if I can even call it that anymore, I guess I've let BPD define all my actions my entire life, I thought that was just how I worked, but knowing that I fall into to all the tendencies, all the symptoms, makes me wonder, was there ever a me in the first place, can I call anything mine? Did I ever have a personality? Maybe I'm just a human shaped husk that tries it's hardest to mimic what I think emotions are.",4.610021008403361,5.433076084033615,5.580997899159668,81.54359768907563,69.67226890756302,7.6306722689075634,30.00105042016807,7.645422480735847,1.858906722689076,470,18,92,5,8,155,70,119,0.07,0.9,0.03,-0.6586,0,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,11,3,0,0,7,0,12,3,0,2,6,25,21,5,0,1,8,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,8,2,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,9,0,18,1,5,11,3,10,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,4,5,70,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465045054989586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16048582817122906,0.0,0.0,0.13316728369225864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038115406286139,0.0,0.3304805954569074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937869033569628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18203010971803812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068831615841436,0.4391369539549919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764732903113122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17826727309283033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17786836980699836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547590449048113,0.11430100823009624,0.07905898485394096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801871168433033,0.0,0.16257386094658136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825967801253592,0.16907153593603602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24915989271082364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819699624711487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369022273427897,0.0,0.2569402057931968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986780758306536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754911196120377,0.11780972853229227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692903414068312,0.0,0.0 bpd,Local_Lie,2020/03/26,"What to expect when I bring up my concerns about BPD? (undiagnosed) Hi! I made this reddit account just to post. I am pretty confident I have BPD alongside anxiety, trichotillomania, and dermatillomania. There are all undiagnosed but my legs and loss of hair (I don't pull from the roots I rip it out as well as pluck body hair off my legs) is a huge indicator as well as my grandparents and mother confirming that my mothers side has anxiety and have been diagnosed. The only reason I am trying to find a psychiatrist is because my relationship has become rocky (or more so was rocky and I promised my partner to seek help because as the saying goes, ""It's not you, it's me""). I am scared of losing another partner, especially someone I want to marry. But it is hard, I'll be honest, because I am scared that my parents will find out I am seeking help. I used to visit a counselor at my university but stopped going after they disregarded how I felt and said it was my relationship causing my emotional stress which is not the case. This was also not a sudden idea that I probably have BPD. I have been showcasing symptoms early on since I was 19 and am currently 21. They have only gotten worse. I have ever changing moods (and I mean going from happy to depressed to neutral to angry within a few hours. There was a period where I was depressed for a month and was constantly drinking and sleeping, gaining ungodly amount of weight which I have now lost), unstable relationships that usually last 1-3 months although my current one is now 1 year, self destructive behaviors (self harming, recurring thoughts of self harm and suicide, stealing prescription pills from my SO, and in the past just bouts of sexual adventures and alcoholism), explosive anger from minor issues that shouldn't have become a big deal, constant boredom which causes me to make hasty decisions, and just a constant feeling of emptiness. I have constant anxiety and fears such as being hacked and bank account details stolen. I have a horrible sleep pattern. I am constantly feeling like I am not myself, or more so trying to constantly find an identity. I know I have a fear of abandonment because I begged my SO not to leave me, to give me another chance. I don't want to screw up anymore. I have constant issues with emotional cheating as well and feel like I can't make friends definitely due to the fact I unload all my sh\*t the first hour of talking. I want to ask, what should I expect when I make an appointment with the psychiatrist. Should I voice my concerns, write down what I have been going through? I used to keep tabs on my moods but have stopped doing that. I want to get help, but am scared. Are they going to do a physical and blood test? Any advice and help will be appreciated. I am not trying to self diagnose. I want to get help and want to know what to expect as I have NEVER seen a psychiatrist and my parents are not too keen on mental illnesses (my father telling me to get over my anxiety like he got over his depression).",6.837190116820015,7.273351156414765,7.236940452806785,72.98470459009619,64.67662565905097,10.56054998449292,35.0129742582446,10.39495659498063,3.715953127261448,2404,104,426,55,34,786,265,569,0.212,0.6509999999999999,0.13699999999999998,-0.9964,5,0,2,0,0,1,66.0,0,1,3,5,23,34,4,6,23,0,58,17,8,11,5,89,94,45,1,12,17,5,8,3,3,5,6,3,0,6,20,25,3,5,14,1,3,7,12,20,3,2,18,12,73,12,64,68,6,58,0,7,1,1,36,18,1,2,35,304,93,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717397765628233,0.0,0.06252795545335799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04678934792765317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03978788975975982,0.12270284633288152,0.17903583477576085,0.0,0.058024861116914725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054697691604847685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426653249946811,0.1292364188561678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498992262647844,0.2210687972968294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020900526678513,0.06189439592741396,0.0,0.0,0.4425894712130621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060319851185443724,0.15118024890192966,0.11877010052209393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057316204559308866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162871707546142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05292442548749908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167699992107915,0.08875119743578706,0.08359718546926301,0.05617748137613782,0.0,0.1604275440752472,0.04976742956782466,0.0,0.0,0.04520363945796435,0.0,0.09170506756454744,0.05612683043872662,0.13300726123186896,0.0,0.04679471393333274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228354810029054,0.05241225999083116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960855808899264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152384732514406,0.0,0.0,0.06604914649770657,0.0,0.12213566348741173,0.0,0.052005178276513485,0.0,0.0,0.06430965009652707,0.047692360488798026,0.0,0.06195221456745624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575311605644792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654562157409473,0.06386910528164033,0.0,0.0,0.055362301275600614,0.11716493876625615,0.0,0.0,0.06373307451132669,0.0,0.0,0.05896295991212298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340209576605993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04512547942603058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039646976863421335,0.08899693281130583,0.0,0.0,0.12993386819946584,0.0,0.05585312879979695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056035115404838236,0.059524333402763675,0.06308222276374993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015663893774604,0.0,0.188449188237823,0.0,0.0,0.055655126472058405,0.046528428497238684,0.17573210293888586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441491375181624,0.0,0.0,0.04839896161010152,0.0,0.1171018126522766,0.0,0.04957419103737578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783170596133886,0.06702146327448973,0.0,0.0,0.06399896903410618,0.0,0.0,0.060812892071118785,0.0,0.04702703827141368,0.051139140788823464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04644933426954928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917060245516735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106537969510228,0.06443901422308389,0.0,0.20705951341270634,0.0,0.0,0.07124777590755592,0.15781891447249116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962531500079471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03767765365629566 bpd,inescalier,2020/03/26,"i feel like i can never win the constant emptiness is awful, i feel like i don't even really exist, and i want to feel so so so so bad. but when i do feel, it's just so intense it's unbearable i can't cope with it because it's pure hell. i just want to feel like a (functioning) human ???? does that even make sense ?? i'm sorry i understand that it's kinda negative but i'm so frustrated i don't know what to do, i really feel like i can't win against my BPD it's either nothing at all or way too much ? does anyone else relate to that ?",-1.7071374764595078,0.21553135593220674,1.5666666666666664,95.50653483992468,99.84745762711864,4.995103578154426,15.87758945386064,6.691623216298621,-0.11001280602636496,412,11,97,7,18,146,63,118,0.255,0.626,0.11900000000000001,-0.9698,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,12,9,2,0,2,1,8,0,0,1,3,23,21,11,0,2,6,0,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,2,0,0,8,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,6,13,6,7,21,3,5,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,7,61,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093874534498024,0.1602926857550512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062202145355795,0.09536521592341199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19703244722268368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905755976888476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27380581954165056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068670258677575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20665611798888214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4746087870891264,0.4470470252340861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597609359727779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30571743312804595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442583890667606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150024179460946,0.0,0.12065723999216582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010972762586902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20044071357668491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17512332184537854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286099841270316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18454636360854146,0.12417588922821025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,randomassaccountt,2020/03/26,:/ Anyone else just want to be a little kid being so oblivious to everything and just play outside and not have a care in the world before all the childhood trauma effects u not have responsibilities u can just be u,8.579024390243902,7.422606048780493,9.097682926829274,66.34945121951222,61.6829268292683,11.126829268292685,35.134146341463406,10.125756701596842,3.4738195121951225,172,6,30,3,2,58,30,41,0.18,0.735,0.085,-0.6283,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,1,1,10,8,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,22,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28171721317783377,0.4128189047240761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428384261594565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4107836428881615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365714484709342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621007533060625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038118825481717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376409982053359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jess23232323,2020/03/26,Anyone else feel weirdly calm in times of disaster? I feel kind of guilty for saying this but I actually tend to feel unusually calm when the world goes through periods of turmoil. It's like the outer world suddenly matches my inner world and I find myself coping surprisingly well. Anyone else feel like this?,4.431666666666668,7.488459785714286,5.117857142857143,74.99380952380955,76.14285714285714,8.019047619047619,27.190476190476193,8.841846274778883,2.7391047619047617,252,10,40,6,6,81,41,56,0.138,0.614,0.247,0.8158,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,5,3,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,5,7,7,5,0,10,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,6,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.22296913896446627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195251071313016,0.468221317646364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817410619567861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4621170550414228,0.16323027016096642,0.0,0.0,0.20883184215407374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23793275515217194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22325319881628952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18170104438652307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332318821009678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205436135209974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SympathyCoping,2020/03/26,"I keep hurting the ones I love I keep doing this. I hurt my ex by making callous comments about her and it ate at her confidence. She described it as a bad relationship and I don't blame her. I hurt my current girlfriend by messaging my ex, the one I hurt. I messaged my ex some good luck due to the outbreak and she messaged me back. I didn't expect this. I have ruined so many people and I blame others when really it is just me. I cling to others and when I fear they don't love me, I will talk to someone else so I am not left alone.",0.030989966555182488,2.124268834782612,2.327826086956524,94.12919732441476,86.7391304347826,4.929765886287626,20.150501672240807,6.297961479604792,0.07042474916387942,416,13,94,4,13,141,67,115,0.19,0.628,0.182,-0.4745,1,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,7,11,0,1,4,0,8,3,0,1,0,13,14,10,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,2,2,0,28,4,8,11,1,7,0,5,0,2,18,2,0,2,5,70,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872055927344576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526397028911626,0.1360189582068959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608631178371264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18331353355152466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663707317669674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6975731371680974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895950848989102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17699687334398978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940564351836228,0.0,0.10874042263246816,0.16516020760311426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22077743046470674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129378882100284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436118175005044,0.0,0.0,0.17489911734267205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380289669033523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309369527428853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lovelyatlas,2020/03/26,"Finally went back to therapy! It's been about 2 years since I've been in therapy and got my diagnosis. I recently decided that it's getting a bit out of my control again in terms of coping so I called an office to set up. In my area the average wait is about 3-6 months to get into a place. But this place thankfully only had a months wait, which was really great news! Due to recent global events the office has closed, but thankfully they gave me the option to do the appointment over the phone! I was really nervous about going back to therapy but now that the phone call is over I feel so much better already. It really helps me to have someone to talk to that isnt in my personal life. Really excited about the progress to come!!",3.835491651205942,5.1845939591836725,5.435423623995056,79.8953988868275,71.99319727891157,9.9713048855906,26.28880643166357,10.230975488527342,2.7153863945578225,580,19,115,17,11,197,90,147,0.02,0.8190000000000001,0.161,0.971,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,3,10,6,0,1,11,0,11,1,0,1,0,15,23,6,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,5,0,3,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,8,1,11,5,25,15,3,31,0,0,0,0,9,14,0,1,13,77,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148601583315489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20709174464895835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909656813701648,0.14701475827305635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750075432175331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599838827387625,0.0,0.0,0.15103358028956385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808856581138012,0.0,0.0,0.14751436588765662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070945989485795,0.0,0.07653085751037245,0.0,0.10770057367100952,0.14846404931811996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026032120014776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511493229182516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21496999234594502,0.0,0.09899121022367477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241563536848912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758064965359535,0.2813838292774857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450687241089755,0.0,0.2659226638921413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139283676176236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409769106844354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823528074336608,0.0,0.24795521480023716,0.4619892122732022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483194595925297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671716465970597 bpd,KaiserMakes,2020/03/26,"About recent events. I feel so much better than before,i was getting better,i AM BETTER. But then the quarentine came and i feel worse than ever. I do know that its for the good of the people and all,and i feel like a shit person for wanting that,but i just want this quarantine to be over. People treat it like its a Walk in the park,like its easy,it isnt for me. Social isolation is literally the worst thing that could happen to me,i do video calls,i do text my friends,and while It does help a little,it feels incredibly underwhelming. I have moments when im calm and thinking things straight,and i have moments when i just want to beat someone to death. My calm moments are getting smaller,and i literally just want to leave my home and have some human contact. I do live with my parents, but they are making the situation worse. I do know that i am a horrible person,and an awful egoist for thinking that,but i just want to have some peace,every day feels like a chore,and people are talking about MONTHS in quarantine,i cant even take 2 weeks,to be honest,im scared of being home, this quarantine has done me more harm than the vírus could do to my body.",6.760730496453903,5.6573060340425565,6.910478723404258,80.39791666666669,65.25531914893618,9.705673758865247,30.64716312056737,8.59863814320734,2.0962269503546103,918,26,190,11,12,296,119,235,0.15,0.74,0.11,-0.9534,2,4,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,1,3,11,13,1,1,13,1,26,2,2,1,1,32,46,11,1,7,6,1,5,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,12,6,0,0,9,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,3,5,21,9,22,38,5,17,0,0,0,0,8,3,1,2,15,116,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30538205216557124,0.0,0.12784691336270934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164040169654015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18379131181779726,0.0,0.0,0.07422809733069327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072223369132437,0.1177842776192354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602053836789174,0.10411190176297797,0.09697425722919832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29098271934206305,0.16445075938128312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026695169577348,0.0,0.0,0.09653797317832452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017799711231074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771471491535436,0.0,0.23090351906223086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24864920260542986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265086944560709,0.0,0.0,0.12187119307642626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869186415347975,0.0,0.10163283370440344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682819720470441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186939422846636,0.0,0.08460959986039943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278016907794473,0.0,0.0,0.23938147757461894,0.20099666820998696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364448487338805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523225976946025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181455025691482,0.0,0.1293739446115669,0.0,0.11732698245427893,0.09752138563094044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653868303660897,0.09251067618813726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529307764344834,0.14749912781239996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394362105484045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23458752289774534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Myuute,2020/03/26,"Im so tired. Its been a whirlwind. And im not sure where to post or reach out or if i just need to vent. For context- i work in a hospital. Covid has cancelled/shut down many things. Including my therapy and dbt group. I feel like i keep switching between super functional and an overwhelmed mess. Up until covid i was doing much better. Ive managed to sneak a talk therapy appt via phone sometime tomorrow. Its rough right now. Everyone is scared. Its weirdly easier for me to shelve my shit in lieu of the greater good. But my functioning time gets shorter every day. Im trying to unplug and step away when i get home from work. But its hard. Work changes so much every day- the world is changing so much every day. Im tired. So so tired. Anyone have coping techniques that theyve found help? I dont want to take time off (we are strapped rn for workers in my dept) i deal with public and staff. And i need to be chill for them.",0.3692196474549405,2.8177787165775428,1.6875816993464063,95.299302832244,93.3850267379679,4.9094078035254505,19.760150524856407,6.605766666666668,0.3069185581303233,728,24,153,10,27,231,125,187,0.129,0.7559999999999999,0.115,-0.4335,0,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,1,6,9,10,1,2,6,0,11,4,1,0,1,23,20,18,0,4,7,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,6,9,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,3,3,17,5,24,16,4,22,0,1,0,0,8,11,1,3,10,88,23,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575146783314185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178579945274056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581491649442617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292115101966355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20960442852358646,0.11169027484544948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696968526990884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738347674125348,0.10352026145085323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05477823878129809,0.07739568680850117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187854871920333,0.0,0.0,0.11320280139635068,0.0,0.0,0.09086759787972704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970483117680461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726157375803028,0.0,0.1086704403893143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4680884632564048,0.0,0.0,0.09629454550929133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05292778918255296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098363056328373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23891959330897625,0.16066042844507622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375651327987977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251886221370248,0.0,0.0,0.1084638334405654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120596036257016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714766495951744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210596091117932,0.0,0.08145563856707662,0.08707685324941881,0.0,0.0,0.24778468144358684,0.0,0.07197402140820591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634388229370808,0.37355094516196297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355343821387185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389973203385227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366109995061542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,whirlycurl,2020/03/26,"I realized my mom said (directly with words) “you’re a genius” but she said (indirectly by behavior) “you’re an idiot”... Is this a common experience in BPD? Would this be how the splitting in BPD forms? I’ve had periods of believing I was in fact a genius (it’s not true) or believing I’m the dumbest human ever. The parts have been coming together slowly through years of therapy but realizing I received mixed messages is new. Mom used the exact phrase “you’re a genius.” She definitely has said this when I said I felt stupid but probably other times too. Then, if I was too slow or too clumsy she’d yell at me. She’d ridicule me if I spelled a word wrong. Really I could never do anything right in her eyes when I was younger. I’ve been wondering if there are other examples of mixed messages in my past that helped the BPD develop, but I haven’t thought of any yet.",2.3319049247606003,4.623349912790701,4.134952120383037,83.43768125854994,78.94186046511628,8.000547195622435,25.815321477428174,8.841846274778883,2.1985891928864567,683,27,135,17,17,230,106,172,0.10800000000000001,0.871,0.022000000000000002,-0.9433,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,9,5,3,0,11,0,18,1,1,2,5,29,28,13,0,5,10,2,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,1,7,2,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,12,7,19,1,13,11,2,22,0,0,1,0,16,7,0,7,13,89,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990592074840291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108795855185564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979061099702618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4995337498349768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388541854863456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555726807836407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958963474223147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932471669419898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694033835280275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886161834761286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30968064139157503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196690001673722,0.1276872351708746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431682962535757,0.1262074214477063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425425011146667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469578038534753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290484324924115,0.5030400375643778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119128115373612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495832251645863,0.07709150266527487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418519645222278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337385209257408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391671475206748,0.14454860865807742,0.0,0.08513756733674882 bpd,xxCaptainCoolxx,2020/03/26,"Lost her Hi, New here. 25 year old male. Noticed symptoms at 16 with my high school girl. The other day I found out that due to my lying etc, my girl had developed feeling for someone else in our long distance relationship. We were quarantined and I couldn’t help but self destruct. It was my last chance and now she is gone and I’m becoming a crippling alcoholic, bc, yeah knkw, us folks feel more. Fuck losing this person. From 18 to nearly 26 was the best person in my life. Oh it’s also the apocalypse outside.",1.2479817212490474,3.8521198910891066,2.5112871287128726,90.89576542269613,87.71287128712869,5.483929931454684,21.63061690784463,7.010146845296331,0.7812431073876618,403,14,80,6,13,129,85,101,0.15,0.7290000000000001,0.122,-0.6436,0,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,3,0,0,3,3,5,2,0,4,1,6,4,0,0,0,11,13,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,6,5,6,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,7,2,12,1,10,5,3,15,0,2,0,1,14,6,1,0,8,47,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19914009863854126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14901551304514132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20579717513638107,0.0,0.0,0.195551654451896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017346703236315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566261865146505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078176348626987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884375512095008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20431148229373436,0.0,0.17226772895443587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489934026115213,0.19687775688577744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189144284637027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161699553328945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490446339697884,0.0,0.20846607192971733,0.2034114154784536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17996770800797238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21214858811709086,0.19553180502334486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32540867069699025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20005872926191406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18858537313274307,0.0,0.0,0.19439258398649026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578847288629638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19367793553670712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22414329795905985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999643377401632 bpd,pickme9000,2020/03/26,"She wanted to be my favourite person until she was We had a huge fight one day because she has never been my fp despite us being friends for 20 years. Things were the most stable with her and I loved her. When we got into that fight it changed, then changed more, then changed for the worst. Long story short she became my fp, she didn’t like it and thought I was too clingy. She went through one of my episodes and decided that was too much. (The episode constituted of me blocking her out of fear then unblocking her a month later) Now she keeps her distance from me and I have these rules that did not exist before she was my fp. I feel frustrated. Obviously she has the right to not be around me, everyone has that right. But why did she want to be my fp in the first place, I even explained why FPS suck and why I feel more stable without them. We are “ok”. We hang out sometimes but not often. I split black on her a lot even though I never had before. I needed to vent this here because it seems like a bpd issue no one else would understand.",3.4233708530805664,4.7504833838862615,3.7019401658767777,92.00987707345972,72.98104265402843,6.602014218009479,24.56190758293839,6.9077264865688965,0.6885755924170613,818,24,178,7,16,253,121,211,0.08800000000000001,0.841,0.07200000000000001,-0.5321,0,0,0,0,2,0,20.0,5,0,1,1,10,11,4,1,9,1,21,1,0,0,3,39,35,13,0,4,6,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,10,14,0,2,7,0,0,2,8,6,0,4,14,3,40,5,20,16,6,27,0,0,1,1,28,11,1,4,16,135,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414738142994707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563294659691472,0.0,0.21821995862031104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149482258632672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4069349519447557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269447819951742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711548349592656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938272645659602,0.0,0.0,0.12252442466108425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428870560417675,0.12966876428944185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906806804365723,0.0,0.0,0.09906627018988533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255319769747352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383352296352596,0.0,0.11397221781677855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528845710565018,0.0,0.0,0.11347503646301706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901225820436457,0.11572801414385955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234792337978184,0.0,0.09426008429064964,0.09507716791452332,0.1977899563341297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606656124989392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196107131385072,0.1339677705009927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190067954651324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673116913817792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681774387882674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518695219651906,0.0,0.12598035203521935,0.10179627910638787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348668412551476,0.15423881431041478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126078303351648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886580355667666,0.34710919138339474,0.0,0.0,0.12360426597022055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108731807482257,0.0,0.0,0.08257265702480662 bpd,ElsaJeanAsDeanerys,2020/03/26,Do you have mood swing from very positive to very negative? It's hard to deal with it even after medicines from psychiatrist. I was diagnosed month ago. Total Borderline. Life is brutal,3.279090909090911,6.442870242424245,3.7900606060606097,79.64509090909091,89.0,8.700606060606061,24.78181818181818,8.841846274778883,3.041247272727273,150,6,25,5,5,47,29,33,0.24,0.664,0.096,-0.7063,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,6,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138603438052805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36502905526755214,0.0,0.35937205360740665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23385889140899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171758114931709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25008903811828925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826140823248741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5842871532733283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,badassllamalady,2020/03/26,"If anyone is having trouble with dissociation - I recommend buying the book “3000 questions about me” They’re short questions that are yes or no or maybe a sentence. I go through a couple of pages at a time and it helps ground me, feel more like myself. It helps a lot when you’re dissociating",5.166964285714286,6.55019891071429,5.673571428571428,79.32142857142857,68.82142857142857,7.742857142857144,28.285714285714285,8.07648339933343,1.7859785714285716,233,8,44,3,4,75,46,56,0.083,0.6729999999999999,0.244,0.8221,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,9,5,5,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,5,5,3,6,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,6,3,29,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20244184206169805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203526875928229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639198263732958,0.20683593141264936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454310397599636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881235334160431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144675271469034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461428655969513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908656713676138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6486660554423687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688237138922763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SamAdams2077,2020/03/26,"Boyfriend To Someone with BPD and Stressed Out l I am in love with a girl and she loves me. The problem is she has episodes or mood swings into where she feels no one one cares and gets really cold. She goes on about how she blocks evrything out emotionally that she can't talk to me about it cause there is no point and makes it worse. In my point of view it feels their is nothing I can do to help her. Like she has such a negative image of herself nothing I do seems to show how good looking she is.at least to me. Or how she feels unlovable but I love her truly and she seems to question it alot. I told her this over and over again and show the best I can but it feels I am useless to her episodes. Is their any advice to do from a lived one's point of view about this or from a person with BPD that I can do to reassure?",2.116793831168831,3.393979948863638,2.7219480519480506,97.93863636363638,76.2159090909091,5.9376623376623385,22.23051948051948,6.1826913282559595,0.002511038961038992,645,17,157,4,14,200,90,176,0.09699999999999999,0.741,0.162,0.9468,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,2,1,10,13,0,1,7,0,16,3,0,5,0,33,30,15,0,1,5,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,9,13,0,1,7,2,0,0,4,4,0,3,1,8,29,8,28,29,3,13,0,1,3,3,27,12,0,7,2,116,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325074455524293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922131335287308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423045804531964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34156869753177405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382539623313966,0.13929928328635338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15253254868735122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742551756123557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084577486307937,0.0,0.0,0.11373544298071585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089029834373744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624765801155437,0.0,0.11973791226591785,0.0,0.11387044545447254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36715480805516215,0.0,0.09051452764961088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26022507904025344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275659653748315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840131061319838,0.0,0.0,0.3845595061808851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975156729479104,0.0,0.0,0.1519038301689727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686928781754176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24689158924940344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489404251671825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553301564757014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899071515897306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957229054493502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818870935501731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,the-awkward-barista,2020/03/26,"I have never been happier than since I started being unapologetically myself. What the title says. (Damn, titles are hard tho, I just spent 15 minutes trying to write it. Talk about irony lol) English is not my first language btw. Anyway. I was out smoking when I realized I was really feeling myself today, with my new self-made haircut and the look I was wearing. I thought it was kinda sad I couldn't finally go out tonight to show off my newly recovered self-confidence and desire to be around people — what's up comorbid anxiety and AvPD! Does it really matter, tho? If I think about it, what's stopping me from dressing up like that everyday? What's stopping me from doing *anything* I want to do? *Cue Harry Potter meme* Oh, I don't know. Maybe your *frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment* and your *unstable self-image or sense of self*? You're right. It's crazy difficult not to act like a chameleon and a people-pleaser when you have BPD. But what if I could *use* the criteria *against* my diagnosis? Fight fire with fire, use your weaknesses to your advantage superhero-style kinda thing. That's how I figured it out. The only thing I have to do in order to figure out who I am, is to express the parts of me I usually repress around others because I'm terrified they'll find me silly or reject me. I look far more silly standing there, all awkward and silent (think deer in headlights), than just being me. And it's far, far more exhausting. Maybe I'd have more energy and I'd be willing to go out with friends more often if I didn't feel the need to *perform* a personality every goddamn day. Also, why do I fear rejection so much? Yeah, I'm afraid I'll lose all my friends because it happened before and it hurts like a bitch, but were they *really* my friends? Were they *good* people to surround myself with, were they looking out for me? No, not all of them. The ones who truly cared about me reached out and kept in touch. And in the end, they are the only ones who truly matters. So why on earth would I want to surround myself with people who likes me only when I perform an act? So, yeah... I did not plan to write that much ha ha! If you read this far, I hope you'll find my *stoned-and-bored-because-of-quarantine-induced-introspection* helpful somehow! TLDR: *as long as you're not hurting others or yourself,* do whatever the fuck you want to do. You'll be happier, and happiness is way more attractive than faking to please people.",1.5985931257749009,4.285178989495801,3.0957156633145075,86.76635280341647,86.83613445378151,5.810387105661937,23.559581209533,7.266761967509797,1.3010317261330764,1933,75,360,32,61,631,235,476,0.12,0.723,0.157,0.9726,0,2,0,0,1,0,95.0,0,9,6,7,21,38,4,6,15,5,39,4,1,3,4,86,65,34,0,13,17,0,6,4,3,5,2,1,0,2,26,26,0,6,12,2,1,4,10,21,0,3,13,10,59,17,54,40,11,48,0,7,3,1,31,24,3,13,21,249,85,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109929384843885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801399244655404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316329525820729,0.15829304500590802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839437086688873,0.0,0.07565373225900793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197588109179278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064711935466248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709854025035674,0.0,0.0,0.057337980930424026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780355043904412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874565388429898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490840142349472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004565275140867,0.08990860449184204,0.0,0.0,0.09739381804721088,0.16251968454053614,0.07562467218811117,0.0,0.0,0.2060691367067249,0.08219354905569011,0.0,0.0,0.10105635971805947,0.07457139094513365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862060665998935,0.0946436846085802,0.07964365479319876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059592821668262866,0.0,0.0,0.08830520605646992,0.0,0.0,0.1903546303912535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04886123564462976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374285008470958,0.0,0.0,0.0786803377741564,0.22397971861388216,0.09946474835187658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786390629877047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071448138332822,0.06592378305657505,0.06857094325665578,0.0858674153677725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049204287152104,0.20285447514714414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627815611678488,0.0,0.2465490578340103,0.07763059773416506,0.0,0.195187468270606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893155740551166,0.10119619679511754,0.17086925904176412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592651731664424,0.0,0.07070281071551529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709996407320611,0.0,0.0,0.07354520090334836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292918452878618,0.0,0.0,0.1486612983064964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146047895454666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813238191745327,0.11393666929226914,0.0,0.07058262216864987,0.0,0.0,0.08427391220886006,0.0,0.0,0.060362354947088276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357506456291695,0.09791904804133847,0.0,0.15731983710275207,0.07057063342958317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045037612867796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315733553788991,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,needaplan0,2020/03/26,"I feel like my thoughts are mostly good based concerning relationships, yet every time I ask people’s opinion they say I’m crazy. Makes me think my brain is hardwired completely different. For instance, just asked a question if I am wrong for being angry that my boyfriend’s brother is ig friends with my boyfriend’s ex from 15 years ago and likes all her pics. Keep in mind my boyfriend is in jail so he can’t have social media. I feel his brother keeps tabs on her for him. I don’t know what to do because this may end our relationship. I have never thought he was really over her and this is upsetting. I haven’t told my boyfriend I know, once I do we will likely break up and he will call me crazy and insecure.",3.81118881118881,5.3193018671328725,4.085594405594403,88.92531468531472,72.28671328671328,7.437762237762238,27.685314685314694,8.00094639256281,1.5646139860139865,569,21,119,8,11,177,98,143,0.11800000000000001,0.8029999999999999,0.078,-0.7003,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,1,0,3,8,0,2,1,0,18,1,1,1,2,25,32,6,0,1,2,3,2,3,1,3,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,2,8,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,3,25,5,11,24,2,12,0,0,0,0,24,5,0,5,9,70,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449594911465361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057569775280005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968637909702392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18255357896702865,0.16698242870452715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145810906681636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085405971489367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448390546958037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778109033032074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653713778636079,0.11682587513740797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634288366117905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371612176554412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907059815340058,0.0,0.0,0.17974363873936064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23967751480670904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915755460707832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511869762472633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612442860003856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17415412855487128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337112180593392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18319104200468386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476151480708833,0.0,0.0,0.35114007265890623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300456312600818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666982561104851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478343033209027,0.0,0.2596491302968709,0.09535566661318677,0.0,0.0,0.1562599369183557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879439964280644,0.0,0.1053079678894052 bpd,oniongiovinski,2020/03/27,"I (INTP) have a girlfriend (INTP) who has a BPD. Hi... I was dating my girlfriend since 2017, we were good with each other that year and broke up at the end of 2018 because of some reasons that i created, i mean i did some problems that lead to our first breaking up, but i thank god for that because i finally knew myself better and thought of my personality and tried to develop it, and the same happened to my girlfriend. in January 2019 i tried to get her back, she mentioned that she still loves me but she refused and told me she has no energy to have a romantic relationship again, and she may remain this way forever. and that was enough for me to try to forget her as i thought, but i was deeply in love with her. in August we got our relationship back, i was a new person that time because i knew myself better honestly, and she told me that she was trying to develop herself in our seperation period, she said that she couldnt forget me nor stopping to love. after a while she started to open up about her mental health, about her mood swings and fake memories issues. she didnt mention anything about this in our first relationship. since three months from now our relationship has been unhealthy and went down, she became isolated and have feelings of fear, her family's environment is not good though. and and she is having a super strong insomnia and kind of symbolic dreams and nightmares... since 3 months till now we werent texting that much, a week may pass without talking, it looked like we became so bored. she becomes cold toward me usually. she told me that she has no energy for anything and she feels emotionally numb and empty, and also that she has no will to try to help herself to fix her mental health for how sluggish she is. and that she fears herself, and she doesnt like herself being alive. i started to feel lonely, and thinking if she stopped loving me or if she will be okay without me or if im making everything to her worse. im someone who doesnt have a strong presence in people's life but my family. so im afraid if she forgets about me over time. and i became so insecure with her. two days ago, i asked her if her feelings toward me are still the same. she asked what am i going to do after she answers... she answered that she still loves me, and she doenst have attachment feelings toward me and she sure is not being with me because she's attached but because she loves me (spiritually), and that her sleep schedule is messed up and sleeps the whole day and wakes up at 6pm, and this made her feel numb all the time. I really do understand her. and i cant help her because it's gonna be worse as i know. im sure she doesnt wait for help from me. but i dont know what to do. i dont want to break up with her, and im not willing to give up on our relationship. I wonder if she dated someone else she would become better, because i sometimes think that i am useless to her and that she doesnt need me in her life. and i dont know what her feelings are toward her friends or she's behaving this way only with me. i forgot to mention that she's obsessed with BTS, this makes me annoyed sometimes because of some reasons like needing and stuff.",6.258908886389201,5.810016803149607,6.574848143982003,80.23858267716537,66.00787401574803,9.398875140607423,32.158605174353205,8.759644201051973,2.422139257592801,2510,89,503,34,35,812,250,635,0.12,0.703,0.177,0.9938,1,2,0,0,0,0,66.0,10,0,0,9,18,40,1,5,13,1,51,16,3,7,3,118,101,59,0,12,20,0,7,3,4,7,7,1,0,2,33,46,0,5,23,1,0,4,19,15,0,4,21,10,123,24,75,68,10,69,0,3,1,6,107,24,0,15,40,379,156,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05047175205067383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045532982721885634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370959621538684,0.0,0.1064579506695202,0.0,0.0,0.08756300849734208,0.0,0.27766908776071225,0.12576622431060702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107005581699767,0.0,0.0,0.0717109212067438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344009071533505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20019134955784876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04756406350359998,0.06404714284080401,0.05042981868962825,0.058831767088337074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05117184866154297,0.0,0.10735141470802972,0.12814127205933384,0.2015255496434194,0.0,0.0,0.062372363976150785,0.0,0.09686219667469004,0.0,0.0,0.04398985293807397,0.0,0.029747548974767488,0.05461973961578412,0.0323589534573141,0.09551312458010594,0.045538204642145585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050349736697308516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104402471202202,0.0,0.0,0.11449223075915282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30751192358947305,0.0594280675154655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05929175456071596,0.0938742571671446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043342952768054,0.08345051437313207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0478132487008877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30833047291954085,0.053875739224309965,0.07601258788935801,0.0,0.0,0.062021744458246465,0.0,0.0,0.1147594293923981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089410733570844,0.0,0.04185569152778592,0.08443702637258411,0.0,0.05499069440335393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043303614855498336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03947336669188197,0.09943144225466892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054481599080739684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03647568819382342,0.11708268324638264,0.0,0.3056484011864476,0.0,0.0,0.05416070161855965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129812748133078,0.0,0.11395745075229645,0.0,0.0964860971110998,0.0,0.11262549589229423,0.0,0.08060146076723627,0.0,0.13641133642766878,0.09520477575532796,0.0,0.0,0.06517993634456548,0.0,0.0,0.10732603912111023,0.0,0.0,0.04576429071814882,0.0,0.0524204975367729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296663740898747,0.05594090853015592,0.09040419789601284,0.0996023273232044,0.0,0.0,0.1632189668137982,0.0,0.19328448400043066,0.0,0.0556197674290277,0.0592740555652015,0.0,0.0,0.06270872861429486,0.0,0.033583275055113916,0.09038884238348288,0.04567191288373832,0.0,0.0,0.05278173093426975,0.0,0.06356880342529007,0.0,0.10977164017836892,0.06174640460578159,0.0,0.0,0.1160485690852562,0.04044684148252225,0.0,0.0,0.03666595130981451 bpd,olixpop,2020/03/27,"How do you cope with your behavior? Have you ever done anything what was just so fucked up and hurt someone else really bad? I have but in the moment I feel like.. i didn't even feel anything. Now I get sick to my stomach everytime I think about it. Has this happened to anyone else? How do you guys cope? How do you control your behavior?",0.2558823529411747,2.6757822352941183,1.8120000000000007,94.18300000000004,94.29411764705885,5.072941176470589,20.03529411764706,6.742157984588678,0.4719600000000002,264,9,55,4,10,85,49,68,0.187,0.813,0.0,-0.9234,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,6,0,1,9,4,1,0,1,0,9,3,1,4,1,12,15,6,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,2,12,1,6,12,0,5,0,1,0,1,7,2,1,0,4,41,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619443175672103,0.2373077422222773,0.3811840484050569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19338135642085527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597658505428884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23701337514576398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3869542291746735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297359497520546,0.2095009090216451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23421393012505756,0.1654593903111754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21411603777040766,0.12100458871113665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22932637748428694,0.20480844273723767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24793903961374214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131510047883149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483727500236434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19623903312462196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840378877598231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,haleydoubleu,2020/03/27,"What exactly is a Favorite Person? I’ve been diagnosed with BPD for 5 years now, and I’ve just decided to get involved in therapy/GT. I’ve been seeing a lot about us having a “favorite person”, but what exactly does that mean? I have someone who would meet those qualifications in some senses, but the people I tend to get extremely attached to are toxic and controlling and long term rather than someone I just meet and take on as an “fp”. Is it different for everyone? Also, as someone showing the extreme of all BPD symptoms, why do I develop such close relationships with people before my BPD shows up? Am I just manipulative or does a favorite person trigger that? HELP",6.481190476190478,7.333338031746035,7.4096428571428605,69.99160714285715,65.50793650793649,10.426984126984127,35.59126984126985,10.411451182825502,3.9925269841269837,536,25,90,13,8,180,84,126,0.0,0.888,0.11199999999999999,0.9275,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,1,8,0,0,0,7,0,10,2,0,3,3,25,16,10,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,7,7,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,7,0,16,13,4,9,0,0,1,0,10,5,0,3,4,64,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413953157286848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145101722373824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5392827659802595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008159056674096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448659175525964,0.0,0.14912038390449486,0.0,0.0,0.2498044726224389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638272231307189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913898024909858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566757111287907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630979031494938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134224323461665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554726362433925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19789925080615905,0.3738737580145717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532364596033763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137357384771756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627989185824357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834904357550546,0.10731369472827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716842126798901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878982181635254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138987750078082,0.0,0.0,0.09191215371806237 bpd,gooseglug,2020/03/27,"I received the greatest compliment from my DBT therapist. I haven’t posted here for awhile. Thought it was time for an update... A little background: I started DBT in February of 2018. I completed the year long course and decided I wanted to do another 6 months of DBT. I started the other 6 months in October of 2019. I am schedule for my final session of the group portion of DBT on Monday. Even though the world is in chaos, I am fortunate to still be able to meet with my therapist via video appointments. At my individual appointment today, she mentioned that if I want to, I can attend Monday’s video appointment as my last DBT group session. We where talking about the use of DBT skills in everyday life. She told me that she is 100% comfortable with me graduating DBT. She said if she wasn’t, she would suggest I do another month. She said that where I am now in my life compared to where I was 2 years ago is a huge improvement. She said that everything that has happened in my life this last year and all the decisions I’ve made shows how truly far I have come. She talked about how I’ve become mindful of things in my life which has lead me to become more self-aware (the main thing that I became self/aware of was how bad my drinking had become), that I no longer use mind alternating substances, I’m repairing/handling my interpersonal relationships in a different way, I’m actively involved in my sons life, I’ve gone back to school and I’m actively using the skills in my every day life not just talking about using them. She told me to be proud of everything I’ve accomplished. With all that being said, I want to say if your struggling, don’t give up hope. If you don’t think there’s time for you change the way things in your life, there is. I wasn’t diagnosed till I was 30. I didn’t start DBT till I was 33. DBT works if you are ready and willing to do the work to learn the skills. 🖤",4.57954822954823,5.559054793650796,5.2514285714285736,83.30703296703297,69.84656084656085,8.989987789987794,28.55962555962556,9.265573868473778,2.254296377696378,1504,53,307,30,26,486,182,378,0.033,0.856,0.11,0.9753,1,0,1,0,0,0,41.0,1,5,1,8,18,6,0,1,16,0,32,9,0,9,2,39,59,16,0,10,7,1,0,0,0,2,8,5,0,0,15,9,1,0,5,4,0,5,8,2,0,0,18,5,54,4,48,36,6,57,0,0,0,0,37,21,0,6,28,196,69,9,0.08203104520836034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271557210716527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203340663911432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307681029099323,0.06849249630993348,0.0,0.27179053374218376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677796890201198,0.07066248192186514,0.08600799019501948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05290323790034161,0.0,0.0,0.08325978414654939,0.0,0.08570498282476308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803591947591187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054180731706909055,0.0,0.06911469355801264,0.0,0.14744842808188974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986100037994617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869165331368988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253978236606595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147533708089304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337325007651425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4055866722381789,0.0,0.08221665762759367,0.0,0.07259489364294655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761975840384643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565594247616006,0.0,0.19642919299047465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856306583433316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807064329210734,0.0,0.0,0.3121212356539509,0.0652343796347568,0.0,0.08301979717935087,0.0,0.0,0.17115254091703808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741859880298501,0.0,0.06551009866721744,0.0,0.0,0.08575665930120159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19780034057314225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19048873205832684,0.16349334427811074,0.052562181501085575,0.08059508542284857,0.06512348693877168,0.09566592427437176,0.0,0.07775583921916895,0.1567683581196029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833939404315971,0.0,0.0,0.14515210744495832,0.13022485091106709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943915579343893,0.0,0.0,0.058272500930352876,0.0,0.0,0.1584759108621651 bpd,JustAGuy1721,2020/03/27,"I’ve been reading about BPD, And I definitely feel like I have it. My mood is often all over the place. What can someone new to having BPD do to get used to it? I have a lot of the symptoms, I’m looking for some advice on my newly discovered illness",1.1103773584905667,2.930416641509435,3.460981132075472,89.12883018867926,80.69811320754717,5.749433962264153,23.807547169811322,6.742157984588678,0.7492067924528305,194,7,42,2,5,67,42,53,0.052000000000000005,0.848,0.1,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,7,2,0,1,1,7,12,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,8,11,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,3,2,31,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24761089749709025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6382745618569067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812217814154464,0.1810226869880938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238641666202033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237941157867302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212784746395396,0.0,0.0,0.21542409294647527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447267500253992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647398184352304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534597195610533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146974976842113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633704248399242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21884859509541854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Stewie-Griffon,2020/03/27,"What is BPD fear of abandonment ? I don't get what the fear of abandonment symptom means. I don't know if I have BPD but if a pet or a person I love completely abandons me forever I would be extremely scared of that and cry a river and never get over it,I would forget about it,but not get over it,and I am a very introverted loner. Isn't this the same for people without BPD ? How do people without BPD usally react to abandonment ?",2.9204012841091505,4.334458696629216,5.0135152487961525,81.76370786516856,74.3932584269663,8.681219903691815,25.07383627608347,9.23628265651192,2.0580195826645267,340,11,69,8,7,118,53,89,0.316,0.626,0.059000000000000004,-0.9735,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,3,6,0,10,2,0,2,1,22,16,7,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,4,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,0,0,7,1,10,13,1,3,0,4,0,1,2,2,0,3,1,47,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7175780767931877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934257105232004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564604468275213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205626354215701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232524902422121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827969550619149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855502809703795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551557397352249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985625901364823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974958770481475,0.1243705664095701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260436796106452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804666693203306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752551030411995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746085293568233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023664334175211,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,xandramoonx,2020/03/27,"Any BPD out there deep into astrology? Cancer sun, Cancer moon, Leo rising here. ☝🏼",0.3710416666666667,2.5384756875,3.452500000000004,79.80916666666668,104.625,4.633333333333333,11.583333333333332,6.42735559955562,-0.21139166666666664,65,1,11,1,3,23,15,16,0.40399999999999997,0.596,0.0,-0.8689,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4751073688873635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8799278311480586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mustgetlonely,2020/03/27,how do you guys (healthily) cope with anger? i’ve been really struggling recently and could use some tips. self harm has been my only coping skill for this for years but i’m trying not to do that right now lmao. is there anything that works for you guys? thanks !!,1.937058823529412,4.583617117647059,1.8387254901960801,97.01926470588238,83.70588235294119,4.968627450980391,16.34313725490196,6.42735559955562,-0.4347803921568625,207,4,43,2,6,61,43,51,0.10800000000000001,0.728,0.16399999999999998,0.7578,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,2,3,4,1,1,0,0,7,0,0,2,0,8,10,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,3,1,5,7,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,3,25,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272779190128729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22051241000509975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5469360228212303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21005224368849806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693211457661562,0.0,0.2727008039211594,0.0,0.0,0.235861722640028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28812270552646924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887300482059528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25427538000256433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875124728960544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385364202291852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20106702786074326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778550212332182 bpd,waikalama,2020/03/27,"Do you feel good when you're in pain? Do you ever feel good when you're in the middle of it? A flood of pain and frustration and despair... But also, a hot wave of pleasure? Almost as if you feel so good to hate yourself? What is that????",-0.4015333333333295,1.6985889800000038,1.5839999999999996,98.54866666666668,89.2,4.133333333333334,16.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,-0.8038666666666665,179,4,42,1,6,59,33,50,0.225,0.584,0.191,-0.4979,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,0,0,5,9,2,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,9,7,9,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,3,4,7,7,0,6,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,2,3,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457975147763369,0.0,0.0,0.1962980918253188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220369420452494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37234309678337396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6176526216347651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24234564651131396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5223836541519956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,benlovesdabs,2020/03/27,Tips with dealing with splitting? I posted this in another group but I’m really struggling right now. I really wish I could get into a DBT group but now I’m so confused with all of this virus stuff. Does anyone have effective tips for dealing with splitting? Sometimes I will be upset with my S/O for hours or days and I don’t even know why at a certain point. I get so manipulative and I really hate it. Does anyone else get like this?,1.0353409090909091,3.5524745795454566,2.9504545454545443,88.15818181818182,87.29545454545455,5.927272727272728,20.5,7.348242739294969,0.8391909090909091,345,11,69,6,11,115,57,88,0.17800000000000002,0.68,0.142,-0.6722,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,3,2,0,5,0,0,2,2,19,13,7,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,8,2,11,10,1,10,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,5,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904912502695041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254048327877415,0.18613692659797565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504445995865908,0.0,0.0,0.11715868595314785,0.3745766039432596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31795196077757865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15175752438198573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998780382250533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28473688261522745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935625537032904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890311027718284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983815386032284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875218345401546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717318360929768,0.0,0.17398454088840715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491371257633341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514063895293112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17967100768855093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18991536084024246,0.20796258877835386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639241121058534,0.0,0.20890540961549955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Imnotwhoiam669,2020/03/27,"Currently social distancing from boyfriend, I think I'm going to go crazy without him I'm used to seeing my boyfriend multiple times a week, and him staying the night frequently. Now, with social distancing and the corona virus and all that bullshit, I've decided it's best to avoid contact for a while. I'm an essential worker as is my roommate, and he lives with high risk people, so it isn't safe right now. But I think I'm going to go crazy. I'm already insanely stressed out and my job is making things worse, I'm scared for the future and my finances, and I miss my boyfriend. We talk on the phone every day, but I need a hug and I want to sleep next to him. Not being able to see him makes everything so much harder.",5.101727549467273,5.371178198630136,5.607899543378998,83.75026636225269,68.38356164383562,8.954642313546422,29.92085235920852,8.841846274778883,2.1863966514459663,571,20,117,9,9,184,89,146,0.125,0.8170000000000001,0.057999999999999996,-0.5551,2,2,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,2,4,8,0,4,8,0,4,2,1,3,1,27,24,14,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,12,0,2,3,0,1,4,3,5,0,0,0,2,15,3,16,23,3,20,0,1,2,1,11,4,0,0,11,66,19,3,0.1636956600834234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18064223145250846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178849603789306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557015854973162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792065375621168,0.0,0.14711910412588647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.372128063973506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729534523935281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16244268397808276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445462668971818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185362484466349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033514522536792,0.121378257771681,0.0,0.0,0.17409219158549485,0.15361728794016485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348595949605812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979519929335255,0.0,0.0,0.16388791268229808,0.0,0.2608884946758637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16381387913143028,0.33373422154896354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17447779324830745,0.0,0.0,0.18751282555565807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157237089365814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875212282078836,0.2097791384808053,0.0,0.0,0.09545225580027147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138049205870873,0.0,0.0,0.09655194152551093,0.0,0.13130678454891906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779677482716775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668198625364959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LostButLaughing,2020/03/27,"Let's make a BPD Zoom community? Hey everyone! Since the quarantine started I've been doing a lot of therapy-related Zoom meetings, really benefiting from them, and I thought it would be cool to have one for BPD sufferers. I'm imagining volunteer-hosted meetings in which we all take turns describing our emotional state, our experience with the disorder, what ideas and actions have helped us to feel better, and what we hope for ourselves and our mental health for the future. At the end of the meeting we could give each other feedback, build connections, friendships, trade contact information if we like... What do you think?",9.48830303030303,9.739565345454542,8.830909090909092,64.40303030303033,59.18181818181819,13.15151515151515,41.06060606060606,12.45797560212912,5.604151515151514,508,25,79,16,6,161,85,110,0.053,0.833,0.114,0.7052,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,8,1,1,1,0,6,0,0,7,1,9,1,0,1,1,23,19,5,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,10,0,0,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,2,2,11,5,11,13,3,7,0,1,0,0,18,2,0,3,4,53,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631663817143175,0.0,0.0,0.4736896112514758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014415331494502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155237882386984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115330948445208,0.1665581811569724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17969166489995475,0.0,0.18395085856457088,0.0,0.0,0.09508469925543828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803965336790604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19989039342015752,0.0,0.0,0.1260472355929823,0.0,0.0,0.18677798433254106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122877238481212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19229582541749768,0.0,0.0918726674797088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598750145159235,0.0,0.0,0.12552611443841882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18951210143990632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274288453687602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047087298494635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555584885139706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310411431983782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413916377766869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204960748201219,0.0,0.14929221601198947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045464845668332,0.0,0.0,0.22620330119726956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358668593148867,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pouringlikerain,2020/03/27,"did anyone else hide their borderline symptoms from their therapist? about a week ago ago my therapist diagnosed me with borderline. At first I was diagnosed with mdd, but I never before told anyone what was really going on in my head, or the patterns with my relationships and self image. I finally had a moment of realization that I have really bad thought patterns and that I needed to fix myself. that's when I told them how I really feel. im just wondering, did this happen to anyone else? did anyone else suppress their symptoms of borderline until they realized they were the problem? I'm also fairly young for someone with borderline, maybe that's why?",6.99025,8.343048858333333,7.56666666666667,67.53000000000003,64.58333333333334,11.333333333333336,32.5,11.20814326018867,4.2482500000000005,533,21,82,16,8,176,76,120,0.096,0.904,0.0,-0.9011,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,6,1,5,2,0,0,4,0,8,5,1,1,1,18,17,8,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,10,1,18,0,15,7,0,14,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,2,10,61,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203525133959288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939527337100784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34762794845494777,0.3820517052734905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377759036546197,0.0,0.0,0.10576227965710293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523050038643213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114869361921199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284514119733894,0.0,0.0,0.13615444887658726,0.0,0.1057216543071927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063730141587038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099099058314446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755817444193435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13425534583012866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248667710979908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216002134321012,0.09586069398708692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892946849969753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23887152450995286,0.0,0.0,0.13344175837062458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296623662314988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531115496470396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25837137295593954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886222968912037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867297754954504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23753028912223625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996985480653359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215307589261768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478802394639955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bahhhhhhh126,2020/03/27,"I feel awful Hi, when I was 18 (F) I was really close friends with a 15-year-old (M) (i was taking a fifth year of high school so we met in high school) he really liked me, and me being super impulsive let things happen (although we never had sex) I ended that aspect of our relationship because I felt uncomfortable and like I could've been taking advantage of him. his parents supported it, but I couldn't help but feel really off about him. I check up on him to make sure he doesn't feel like I took advantage of him, I know her pursued me but I feel incredibly guilty about letting anything happen in the first place. (it is legal for 15-year-olds and 18-year-olds to have sex where I'm from, still, we didn't do that) am I a terrible person? should I stop talking to him altogether, he doesn't seem to be negatively affected by it but I'm so worried that I could've hurt him. I don't know what to do and no matter what it comes up in my mind and I start to panic about it. I feel like I'm the monster that other borderlines talk about on here.",2.781691176470588,4.1650025231481544,4.3884422657952085,86.23019607843138,74.69444444444444,7.860130718954249,24.279956427015254,8.4952907291091,1.4147476034858384,819,25,177,15,17,275,120,216,0.159,0.721,0.11900000000000001,-0.9311,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,4,0,0,4,10,13,0,1,5,1,20,2,0,2,2,33,42,13,0,2,4,1,6,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,13,11,0,1,9,0,1,2,8,3,0,1,9,6,34,10,26,27,0,23,0,1,0,2,24,13,0,1,12,118,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281729470202332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875628161146702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715936730919214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18010870069377466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989925327020592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28515232296179377,0.16115567328683353,0.10829694545229353,0.0,0.0,0.0959398761422028,0.0,0.0,0.08714196430144172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19948122872974314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560135818633447,0.23833954264485785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074498397430865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397385033922086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23067266024094346,0.0,0.2204157325304854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752887970509848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388664906922367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699129017886569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550652068493331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323358110222916,0.12524093900354255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848465740036402,0.11784247708291315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21677020309192116,0.0,0.0,0.121095208490362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283008110867748,0.0,0.10268059304551508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983397474310908,0.0,0.09007495301265517,0.09429823716251773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127993768978191,0.1063040820217438,0.0,0.16960942938288287,0.18131409503258653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749332576368219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531483246760836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454462705145628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290534548921195 bpd,galacticbees,2020/03/27,"I just need some support right now i am struggling a lot with my emotions today. i was recently laid off due to all of this and haven’t been able to get out of the house the past week or two because of everything. i know everyone is going through the same things, but i don’t think that makes it any less difficult or painful. i don’t have any friends and i can tell my boyfriend is just emotionally drained from dealing with my moods. i don’t feel like i belong in this world and i’m struggling very much with those feelings today. sorry this is a lot, but if anyone would just like to talk i could really use a friend.",5.850956130483687,5.3007383700787445,5.70146231721035,86.50031496062994,66.8740157480315,9.146906636670417,31.528683914510694,8.418075326091056,2.028013273340832,491,17,108,6,7,153,84,127,0.126,0.7440000000000001,0.131,0.3925,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,10,0,2,6,0,14,1,0,2,1,29,25,8,0,4,8,0,2,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,2,2,13,5,14,21,7,13,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,6,9,74,20,0,0.1504485217110223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20462030772626771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519710448271337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917120224223468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201209024786206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510581971164433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384686742149723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437600098246379,0.13521343033718555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214258609875,0.10748045397139036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23247230934048316,0.0,0.07860314306026983,0.0,0.08550336197591735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735973944493338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826825729636246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700309651927493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558119061373233,0.0,0.0,0.10042555649402443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059697428637637,0.1115556725224264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008783451000547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362013757824274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638117546265196,0.0,0.14854976494473696,0.0,0.0,0.12848221550445635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684148026535982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145629215370925,0.0,0.0,0.17072719954202406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092482286260517,0.13149863926245525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995131271644504,0.09640133786737146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28521521419628704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696634468645234,0.0,0.0,0.12993921780314568,0.0,0.12413578665541727,0.0,0.0,0.12068072920164755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687431324454533,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,zerezz,2020/03/27,I ruined a relationship feel ashamed I have never posted on reddit but i thought why not since this is a big deal to me right now. I feel really ashamed of myself since i ruined a relationship. Yesterday i attempted suicide and before that i told my casual lover that i want to kill myself. Today he said to me he doesn’t want to keep in contact with me because this was all too stressful for him. I had opened up about many things TODAY and he just kept not answering me until i stopped and he said he doesn’t want to keep in contact with me and that i have to overcome my issues. I feel VERY ashamed and i feel like he hates me because that triggered me and i got angry and said something.. i calmed down and apologised but i don’t think he accepted my apology. I also feel so ashamed of opening up about stuff since i never done that to him.. I hate myself.,2.749827586206898,4.59350421264368,3.9891724137931055,87.12306896551728,75.83908045977013,6.938850574712642,25.393103448275863,7.793537801064563,1.3721062068965515,679,24,138,10,15,222,88,174,0.264,0.619,0.11800000000000001,-0.9896,0,0,1,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,1,7,15,3,5,3,0,9,1,0,1,3,37,29,13,2,3,5,0,5,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,9,12,0,4,9,1,0,0,7,10,0,0,10,8,34,5,21,19,1,19,0,2,0,1,20,10,0,0,9,96,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013855947473226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15456732637918696,0.0,0.1078800959160671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307041935476903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297395406111836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32051785769976937,0.0905713665972495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139722208776088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25033720172724416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132324956758071,0.0,0.2253750549230755,0.14026283573579104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06193810527317905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853460849534776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19556047572794855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214198050128572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121825367638756,0.0,0.0,0.27222767396664793,0.0,0.10826907974149856,0.36178927563802776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146201683926158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760112461023908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599341659315384,0.1452255954801206,0.0,0.14513230227524898,0.13867629762165368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842267282228559,0.08123524408238098,0.0,0.10064883545325463,0.0,0.0,0.24034446050033545,0.12114333416676246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460644168844414,0.22433366615728556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439886341145995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,photography_guy_12,2020/03/27,"Blocked by ex. Hi everyone, I hope you are all doing well! I don’t really know how to word this, but I’ll try my best. I would love to get your insight on this. Thank you in advance! So my ex reached out to me about a week ago, wanting to see how I was doing amidst what’s currently going on. I ended up replying and since then, we’ve been talking every night over the phone. She said she wanted to get back together and I said let’s just take things slow, especially with what is going on right now. Learning from our past interactions, I did not want to be badly hurt again so I took things one day at a time. Quite honestly, I was really enjoying our interactions this time around. She seemed to be in a better place; on medication, closer to family and friends, pushing herself out of her comfort zone, etc.. This new her was very pleasant to speak to and interact with. Unfortunately, when I texted her to see if we were going to speak tonight, I noticed she blocked me. She blocked me on everything; phone, Facebook, Instagram, and even LinkedIn. I was taken aback; I did not know if it was real. I’m very shocked and confused as this came out of nowhere and I know I did not do or say anything to garner this action. This is where I am right now- confused, shocked, and hurt at how cold the blocking was. She’s never blocked me on anything before so I don’t really know how to take it. It seemed very abrupt and who knows what caused her to do it. The only difference was that I messaged her a bit later than usual since I was helping my mom with some cleaning downstairs. While her intentions may not have been to hurt me or to cause pain, I can’t help but be worried for her. I guess I was ghosted and it just feels weird. I feel as if it was very selfish of her to not even speak with me regarding how she is feeling and do something like block me on every platform, which she has never done before. I want to acknowledge that I am hurt and confused by her actions. I am glad I kept certain boundaries up to protect myself, but this felt cold. Has anyone else experienced this? If so, how and what did you do after? Once again, thank you in advance for your points of views and insight!",3.480795531027056,4.9725986201373,4.24690335172971,87.50688484318216,73.09610983981695,7.246439628482972,27.26941714901064,7.827709963407826,1.5058424283214435,1715,63,355,23,34,549,212,437,0.153,0.705,0.142,-0.5901,1,0,1,0,0,0,55.0,3,6,0,5,25,28,0,3,7,0,43,3,0,9,4,89,79,38,1,10,16,3,4,1,1,2,2,6,1,0,25,24,0,8,15,0,0,10,10,13,1,1,25,16,65,15,57,48,5,62,0,4,3,1,49,26,0,15,27,256,90,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512725417439373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059260347974275526,0.08683811567050144,0.13948682911551868,0.07544696709255087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516881352810687,0.07076411599611207,0.0,0.0,0.14423488152523672,0.0,0.08894166351457725,0.07495597715799861,0.09252688835102443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693334830253056,0.0,0.17412665063091898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054657824798929784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885474712238915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673039781013807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079915681972553,0.0,0.07506483632389996,0.0,0.09452053067083738,0.11195537583891182,0.0,0.14281389803179445,0.08098386594274798,0.07616934869052208,0.0,0.07989634489658284,0.0,0.12855899368503532,0.0,0.08137490740563147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547894076383191,0.0,0.08855851370678723,0.0,0.14449900523153472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336353483132076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361453449050456,0.0,0.0,0.0841775452003561,0.0,0.0,0.362913722065491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23288654518233365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666433891427883,0.0,0.04140539179222258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649170366782791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537840522379365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926014789923387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073144683512766,0.08185370445470846,0.0,0.07953371412589985,0.0,0.0,0.09649035387754548,0.0,0.09025777738303338,0.05742993441753923,0.06445747468113984,0.0901817671328596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090507215812738,0.0,0.0,0.0885474712238915,0.0,0.08011773547308425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014384814386683,0.0,0.0964659708101209,0.16288229673731244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475494999106372,0.16123651870360248,0.06739794073966096,0.0,0.0,0.13507223849941005,0.15430949998704993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021493748289118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524598687713566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744543766688282,0.06812019320116534,0.0,0.15605592761825832,0.0,0.0,0.11261050579648778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883877690182988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416223925813308,0.0575408301375701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334200621427227,0.2797160606058047,0.19995495607451866,0.0,0.0679826887008486,0.0,0.07620194211549491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606944896918553,0.0,0.06020516461481335,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,asr11415,2020/03/27,"How Is Quarantine Treating Everybody? 18NB here, I've never posted on this subreddit so I'm hella nervous but quarantine has been really difficult and honestly I just want to know that I'm not struggling alone. I work in retail and they've closed the store until further notice. This means I can't go to work and I'm stuck at home which I don't do well with. Not being able to go places and see people means I have been getting bored easily and I am very aware that boredom is not good for me. My doctor gave me new meds for my panic attacks and they're alright I just wish they were faster acting. I'm trying to keep myself distracted but i really don't have anyone to talk to or anything to do so I'm struggling. I do have my dbt workbooks so i can work on those. Idk I'm just hoping everything goes back to normal asap",1.5470479947403035,3.871451715976331,3.362790927021699,87.67569197896124,82.13609467455622,6.359105851413545,20.631492439184747,7.594959193182576,0.8970707429322822,656,19,130,11,18,219,102,169,0.174,0.682,0.14400000000000002,-0.6749,0,3,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,3,10,14,1,5,1,1,18,1,0,1,1,27,37,14,0,4,9,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,6,8,0,1,3,0,2,3,7,8,1,0,5,1,17,6,16,31,0,16,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,2,5,81,23,4,0.15495513639469427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604867892808791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834823425354742,0.0,0.12751487421954782,0.0,0.0,0.17628383769877434,0.0,0.11915093507777187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860314811130147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926368502667766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809576632288268,0.0,0.1761291499112486,0.12996901661121876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554326360734394,0.1539054139576753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773124498605308,0.0,0.0,0.08515929053561491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33758314037732035,0.17212022439955066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951095386873448,0.14965663631656753,0.0,0.0,0.15182313357615698,0.0,0.1764174498210883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18180646560992164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742638090486066,0.0,0.1618951370128659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840418711017145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985364564549528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12347918159743156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239855058537449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454706903781056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052043660897056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278542157403173,0.09139655419473848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393232769825942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17819075958472896,0.0,0.0,0.33842755440631445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Chainhell,2020/03/27,"DAE alway feel like you’re being gaslighted? Due to quarantine in my country i’m stuck with my parents and having to communicate with my friend via texting. Maybe being stuck with my psychologically abusing parents does not help but the conversations with my friends are really tense and I always feel like he says mean things and then manipulates me into thinking i’m the mean and bad one. I often have that feeling that when people know about my bpd they abuse their knowledge of how I feel and act to manipulate me. Wanted to know if i was alone in this :(",4.050571428571431,6.63671981904762,4.687857142857143,80.15464285714287,74.61904761904762,6.866666666666667,25.73809523809524,7.908726449838941,1.6555523809523804,451,16,80,7,10,144,72,105,0.21600000000000005,0.68,0.10400000000000001,-0.9333,2,2,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,3,0,28,20,10,0,2,3,2,4,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,10,0,0,10,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,3,5,14,4,13,15,0,7,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,2,5,52,18,0,0.0,0.3869234371182967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16911025193141194,0.0,0.0,0.27172635316017185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633312021291166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20564716434590607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428886235841891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302398585082459,0.2332964807688753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523015564289697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944405770206307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794703369829826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595420553824746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640380784979765,0.3557225499545064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064367925116422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626092674467824,0.0,0.0,0.1131987400352664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460222401828263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984789575365754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847688413738432,0.10462410622053936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630758004937333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,weewoowaabahh,2020/03/27,"Anyone up for online support group via zoom? I'm a 34 year old woman who has struggled with mental illness one way or another for the last 20 years. I have a 'tool box' of various coping skills, but am having a really rough time. I tried to sign up for a DBSA online group and they are full, so- I thought maybe we can put our one together? I'm thinking a 9 person limit. I would love it if we could take turns moderating and I will volunteer to go first. I'd like to model it as closely as possible to real life meetings. (If you have been to dbsa or NAMI meetinging-- like that, where everyone gets a chance to talk.) We can meet via ZOOM at an agreed upon time. Please be in touch if you think this is something that you could benefit from in these times!!",2.5684665334665344,4.266451201298704,4.0481818181818205,87.13842657342659,75.94805194805195,7.0761238761238765,22.885114885114888,7.882392219407189,1.0777548451548449,591,17,122,9,13,196,110,154,0.022000000000000002,0.8079999999999999,0.17,0.9767,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,4,3,1,3,2,6,0,1,8,0,15,3,0,0,0,22,26,11,0,6,6,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,2,7,7,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,2,2,13,5,20,19,2,20,0,0,0,1,18,9,0,5,10,78,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17936794119362987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960687294189914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731498284306399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345207706783574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550080371994675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937010377874538,0.0,0.09721550609445988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943410062929762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082245751181925,0.16713939774203507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543854161247716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184952006030255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17238499419040598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17949530840541875,0.0,0.23182499272268875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493601762065768,0.0,0.18776896935693085,0.0,0.19284080979253312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719593030515464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19470005675484114,0.10958334893567936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168786092464366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882567953522993,0.0,0.0,0.19411319887330827,0.0,0.0,0.12861340500957408,0.1374889546130616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21921254632301232,0.0,0.13579997052621126,0.29923373979583195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613632039797155,0.18606064882301235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577690436117118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151382367271925,0.0,0.0,0.22030990697647287 bpd,ev0164,2020/03/27,"Can u ever value yourself in a relationship? I have so little self worth or sense of myself that I am a literal piece of paper when it comes to being in a relationship with a partner that is positive for me. I’ve found myself trying to figure out what will make them like me more ie. criteria to change about myself to make myself into their dream girlfriend, and if they are happy with how I am I start to subconsciously invent things they want to change about me, convince myself it’s coming from them, so it and then blame them for it?! I feel insane does this happen to anyone else? I tend to go from being the person that they were interested in to a shadow of a person trying to mimic what they like, never voicing my concerns or opinions as they don’t feel important and letting them do whatever they want, adapting myself to that. Has anyone experienced this and if so have you been able to change this behaviour??",7.881023720349562,6.949337089887643,8.166029962546823,71.74257802746568,62.93258426966293,10.383021223470664,31.013732833957555,9.444778638647367,2.6967320848938816,734,20,130,11,9,242,103,178,0.027999999999999997,0.813,0.159,0.963,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,11,0,8,5,0,0,7,0,16,0,0,3,2,26,29,15,0,4,4,0,2,2,2,1,0,1,0,4,14,10,0,0,4,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,3,4,28,5,29,22,2,14,0,0,0,0,19,6,0,5,7,112,42,1,0.15412245114291995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21553200272922074,0.1579166645445581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4891233522044318,0.2655256894503201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487359560803944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874953136893186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941258073562074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15585788431874092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689873126027007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759134073780178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628997454847272,0.16406621513697212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760064840917604,0.0,0.1505928892054379,0.15447118546590885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20575586583669145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886873566914866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691475591158587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309396676206184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078332939968687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908866418286134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239210818169454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20927805492529256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181810829718222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mellowabdomen,2020/03/27,Struggling being away from FP during lockdown Anyone have any advice for this?,5.369999999999997,9.04656176923077,4.191153846153849,76.59134615384617,85.15384615384616,2.6,21.884615384615387,3.1291,0.4464153846153847,65,2,7,0,2,19,13,13,0.18899999999999997,0.8109999999999999,0.0,-0.4215,0,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4959723675466355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451516702662765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35489103425606305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4768602995249062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5306018692807849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,washedherbaltea,2020/03/27,"I’m dealing with a breakup with someone who blames me for all my issues and i need support. my ex and I are moving in together even though we just broke up. I’m scared to live on my own especially because i essentially was just laid off and can not afford to live alone even if i had the emotional stability to do so. She did a number on me; i had a lot of issues but she had no compassion or empathy towards me. I lost her trust because of my BPD tendencies. I smoke a lot of weed to cope and deal with overwhelming emotions that can lead me to violently self harm. She caused a lot of emotions for me. I tried my best to be the best boyfriend i could be. When she got kicked out i gave her a place to stay, rent free. She took care of me when i was hospitalized twice. Our relationship we spent trauma bonding instead of working on ourselves. she encouraged me to work on myself but when i did things as self care she would say i’d be regressing my progress or be selfish. she decided to focus on herself and we broke up. I feel used. She said i’m very conditional because i did things for her because i loved her but when my love wasn’t reciprocated i would change how i felt or take back what i did for her. I feel bad because i understand her frustration. I never intended to be this way. i had been working so hard with DBT and through life (working full time is hard and my support system is small due to childhood trauma so i don’t have a lot of people) so it’s easy to shut people out when i feel my love isn’t being reciprocated. i wish i could tell her this now and fix everything that went wrong but i can’t fix someone who isn’t compassionate of my mental illness and my falls while i’m trying to progress. i always heard so much about the shit i was doing wrong and i never heard about the things i did right. i dunno. break ups are hard. i feel like i have no one that can relate. i understand her frustration but i wish she saw mine. we got couples therapists two separate occasions, and she wants to get another counselor as a condition to live together since she can’t trust my words (with my stupid BPD mouth). I really don’t wanna do it cuz she didn’t do much of the things i needed her to do to feel safe. she controlled so much of my life (telling me i can’t use weed as medicine when i needed it) and she still wants to control it. i don’t know. i feel i’m in a trap. and this sucks. i just really need someone to talk to and some support",2.4979128075591746,4.06427757367387,3.97336373842268,88.16088572364113,75.8172888015717,7.440939283375433,25.282112452053514,8.192908349453996,1.3955680232014216,1931,67,423,33,42,640,218,509,0.145,0.674,0.182,0.9825,2,1,1,0,0,0,39.0,5,0,0,12,25,35,6,2,14,0,47,8,2,9,3,82,94,42,0,14,13,1,10,1,0,2,3,4,1,2,17,25,0,3,11,0,3,5,15,18,0,3,27,15,97,18,60,57,13,43,0,4,1,3,51,19,2,10,16,304,114,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058237308064236,0.0,0.0,0.0567058786074434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146073725509211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052402791471189834,0.056902021280286375,0.2077166424729712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303748047353834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166392588340487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896600077374574,0.070008352681251,0.07209317953280933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287101330817887,0.10882372842582792,0.07540617242014491,0.0,0.0,0.14051837151797628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299771875047467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002426001871096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06124841438465462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20675073775640732,0.04868604669428387,0.06543424796165019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03560532312571388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901082924336296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18314581211862285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226083287868113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037453206228381615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627207441095696,0.03329442404126252,0.0,0.1805318834411465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439327591255776,0.23175321552829825,0.18452286820531635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867870977714424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243217838257926,0.15029326511180285,0.20212808862473894,0.1051222567413089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046179893641740834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449262371944607,0.0,0.07120176689798888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731668383674092,0.0,0.0,0.07316710426349578,0.0,0.05819933683104898,0.06482582089300566,0.054195251424131036,0.0682295807076986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218967113371145,0.0,0.06995452591939627,0.0563740056959367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322865831872633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263834459356308,0.054424312578238515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320058792578185,0.0,0.0,0.051239974555711325,0.05477602070748532,0.11913140770824875,0.0,0.0,0.07912687133047065,0.18110211106339866,0.0,0.0669565793757223,0.0,0.039738546206769546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571664913273396,0.09253813164721077,0.0,0.0665722003909422,0.14189215408373082,0.0,0.11771864728198145,0.0,0.056230509662213,0.08039273158076407,0.05409393464236299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317530854872228,0.0,0.0,0.15673722091256104,0.0,0.0,0.19845471404353032,0.0,0.0,0.09682295920388442,0.1490216525996102,0.0,0.0 bpd,BKwhopper__,2020/03/27,DAE never get approached by people because you’re presence is too intimidating? Or when you look at people in the eye their eye contact breaks. I feel unapproachable and like people are uncomfortable with me lol,6.886396396396396,9.451418540540542,6.760540540540539,68.55990990990989,66.29729729729729,8.176576576576577,31.25225225225225,8.841846274778883,2.9119981981981984,174,7,26,3,3,55,33,37,0.132,0.742,0.127,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,2,2,2,0,1,5,5,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,4,5,0,6,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,1,3,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23437843836636044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944071278606752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20087750149390116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18783991066372868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228704975151959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965384727872927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7996602963837767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,conflictedavocado,2020/03/27,"What things have made the biggest positive impact on your mental health? I really didn't know what tag to use for this, so I apologize in advance if that's the wrong one! I haven't been officially diagnosed with BPD yet but my therapist agrees that I have a lot of the traits and is continuing to observe me. I'm curious to how you all have gotten into a healthy mindset? I'm impulsive, get attached to people really easily and then get upset when they don't get attached just as fast. I've lashed out at people and basically have been a ""toxic friend."" (I say ""have been"" because the people I was a toxic friend to all left me and I don't currently have any close friends to be toxic too lmao). I have a dbt workbook and I plan on starting that! Have you done anything else besides dbt that has helped you? Especially in regards to maintaining structure, healthy mindset, and healthy relationships.",3.910077519379848,6.095499000000004,4.935488372093023,80.10098449612406,73.53488372093022,8.307596899224807,29.48992248062015,9.029198982220553,2.6893196899224803,716,31,131,16,15,234,105,172,0.031,0.785,0.184,0.9802,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,4,1,2,6,5,0,1,9,0,20,2,0,3,2,20,30,13,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,8,10,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,8,1,17,3,18,21,3,18,0,0,0,0,12,10,0,2,7,91,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051535765552585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583657327551428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803138072030044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232017944284929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798740927155081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813571087056203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804417717222024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4107581082712515,0.0,0.27776967019605797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18837607344827564,0.0,0.0,0.11878651546853825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739521910914567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19254953810426345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506657071492796,0.0,0.16768940446823682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785956039675332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008854014388988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685851246713619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270627380285263,0.0,0.0,0.19026745288163827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093208348951985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543689562248342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20576553376123005,0.11773678120234145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530607736938233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19376173589041734,0.0,0.0 bpd,hermitcryptid,2020/03/27,"Lacking empathy? Hey, I have BPD and I was just wondering about what I noticed with my empathy capabilities. I was doing research on it today. I know I have cognitive empathy (understanding why people feel how they do) and generally have a great understanding of emotions and why I or others react how we do. My therapist told me I was fantastic at this. I do feel affective empathy (sharing in their feelings/caring) but it’s selective. I can basically choose to let myself feel bad/good for them and sometimes I can’t feel it at all and it’s impossible to relate or care. I dont really have compassionate empathy (taking action/concern/helping). I don’t feel a need to help out if I see those commercials with sad shelter dogs or starving children. (Like I said, I can understand the sadness and maybe even cry but I don’t feel the step to go further and help.) Does anyone else feel like this? I think BPD is kind of the most emotional cluster b disorder and so most people wouldn’t think of us as empathy-lacking, but clearly I have issues with empathy related to BPD. I kind of just thought this was interesting to observe about myself.",3.5341071428571453,6.067027847222222,5.411243386243386,74.58666666666669,76.08333333333333,9.114285714285714,31.119047619047624,9.606745405546679,3.588799206349206,909,45,157,27,21,311,122,216,0.109,0.772,0.11900000000000001,-0.1323,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,2,0,3,0,8,11,0,0,5,0,22,0,0,4,2,50,44,19,0,4,9,0,7,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,10,13,0,0,16,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,7,9,30,9,22,35,4,9,0,2,1,0,13,6,0,7,3,114,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593230601290735,0.11126864080411893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067247652481143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41031565152534943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072006898347016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928675499652824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244595356535064,0.0,0.09503241286758858,0.0,0.1272727944693264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071737552781282,0.2443100223399933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172612166975917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843630593939322,0.07758045016061177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171716872449301,0.09108452213836224,0.0,0.11972661850869765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21836726990344196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334520056901062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22617043069838946,0.05968109543585552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104597471654963,0.0,0.10610828277674496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909849931223324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052198304412944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363638298418335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505725106629498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695688816256004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329892666148724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653633414401997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740345391320588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165009406518728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608742574983914,0.0,0.1391668700957788,0.0,0.08621247813701384,0.0,0.0,0.10293557522511562,0.10376739086213878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391543759097356,0.13062668422996554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19598059860991268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776688872873532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,locasinfin,2020/03/27,"I try to break patterns, but all it takes is one thought and I crumble into hopelessness Today I was about to do some much needed house work, before that I had been up since 4 and I wasn't already feeling my best. At one point I'm on top of the shed, my escalator falls down so I can only try jumping over to my house or wait for help, and in that moment it felt like I had done this before; alone, on top of the shed, trying to rebuild my life and doing things that I needed to do and hoping for the best. Remembering that made me feel so useless, like I just convince myself that my hard work is going to pay off but in reality I'm just fooling myself and falling into old patterns. Thinking about where is so frustrating, it feels like I don't deserve better bc I'll do the same as before or worse, and I'll be convinced I'm doing okay until it's too late and I hurt the people I love again and then healing becomes difficult bc it feels like I only deserve to suffer for all pain that I caused",5.800266608391612,4.825267899038462,6.6480069930069945,81.07881118881122,67.125,8.717482517482518,30.447552447552447,7.348242739294969,1.7787634615384618,785,24,163,6,11,262,115,208,0.203,0.602,0.195,-0.3072,0,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,7,10,20,1,0,5,1,17,4,0,2,2,35,35,19,0,3,6,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,13,11,0,1,8,0,1,4,2,8,0,2,9,6,22,12,27,25,7,27,0,4,0,1,2,15,0,4,11,115,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300507267987307,0.13856756827282868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868014857820918,0.3205477235391864,0.0,0.2635520383225066,0.11105481831474873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899307221898382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849980663807467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539641040469046,0.17941181292713013,0.12056510901409215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136326939755637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112484392049545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416567940380268,0.0,0.0,0.1247174987619987,0.0,0.28977755588817594,0.13442329416557916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164633469048513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869249290656246,0.2453850079517285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333015158364515,0.11881561303670335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230703317579823,0.1862143739631141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317626432648211,0.0,0.17017644687958455,0.19100046216868327,0.13361335738618915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705313986675256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870248236505065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224422799568598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387126549196536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441161640322222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342189466224835,0.08045899582816107,0.0,0.09968707946061403,0.0,0.0,0.1190239172858735,0.0,0.0,0.2557575798046586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828302072566168,0.0,0.12796466532449272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WillowWispWhipped,2020/03/27,"I don’t know what to believe anymore Everything I say...I’m told that’s not how I said it or not what I said. I’ve always thought I had a good memory for events Generally and now I feel like I’m losing my mind...and probably never had it. Is my whole life a lie? I just don’t know what to believe anymore. I was asked if I fact check myself as much as I do everyone else.....but if I can’t believe my own “facts” what the hell am I supposed to do? I feel so right so often. Not like I’m a know it all with facts, but how I remember things going down. Last night my FP tells me a completely different take on how things went down....and I’m just so tired of feeling like I’m always wrong. Even when I try to be good, I end up messing it up. I just started DBT group this past Wednesday via zoom....if this doesn’t help, I’m very worried as to where my life is going to go. I feel like I can’t handle anything anymore.",-0.4230954545454537,1.494674445000005,2.056454545454546,96.5107272727273,87.05,5.236363636363637,19.590909090909093,6.574015621080383,0.0013499999999999626,699,21,170,8,22,239,108,200,0.092,0.7909999999999999,0.11800000000000001,0.4126,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,1,14,10,1,0,5,0,14,3,0,3,5,31,37,15,0,2,10,0,4,4,0,0,3,2,0,0,13,2,0,0,9,0,1,4,9,4,0,0,8,6,26,6,16,28,4,20,1,1,0,0,7,6,1,4,14,101,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18801998930384065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361430679170776,0.0,0.0,0.09297448004513692,0.0,0.10562282850328064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818757474195071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845937643599755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804204237139848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006843185327584,0.0,0.0,0.07462348182178767,0.0,0.0,0.10795905069770308,0.10154084991082693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285081809044177,0.2421428836878288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926306585880627,0.1895277208304441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572938847922896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18627569858860715,0.0920953309916008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960491967962095,0.22078900480325167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639785056426545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407951519473912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305469906798223,0.0,0.08713860923011102,0.0,0.0,0.1060258629980056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078540112297857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181360128899466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279864723616385,0.09648592841861092,0.21494332598729374,0.08984774456652653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996917293814809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494833079466034,0.0,0.09875116369379487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012031301360332,0.0,0.0,0.08969501131944195,0.0,0.12985607796872786,0.0,0.10795905069770308,0.0,0.0767072962706115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932219029567335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473535662701486,0.0,0.12614026064040207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473860745740007,0.0,0.0,0.12352797547581555,0.0,0.0 bpd,Darkidabunny,2020/03/27,"I love someone with BPD, I'm autistic. Hey guys, don't know where to even begin. The love of my life has BPD. She was with me for almost 3 years and sadly a bunch of things bunched up at the wrong time to end with us. She still keeps me around, i think she's trying to cope and I believe she still wants me (I genuinely do not know anymore though, I'm just assuming) I need help. I approached things the absolute wrong way. We had a BDSM type relationship of commitment that included not engaging with anyone of the opposite sex outside of professional or class scenarios. This was fine, personally it was what I need even, it was a beautiful thing. But she at some point started talking to guys while she played a game at night after I left And I thought personally that this meant she wanted to change this, that deep down she didn't want it. I was wrong, but I didn't find out I was wrong until she broke up with me, 3 days after an incident that I really don't wanna mention right here. I never catches onto her discomfort because she masked the obvious and I have Asperger's, I was actually incapable of noticing in time. She initially convinced herself, based on the fact that our Valentine's was bad for her (which I never noticed in time :/) and a lie about how I felt that I told her, that I had lied and that I had just cheated As time went on she learned to accept it wasn't a lie, but just yesterday, in relation to a nude I sent her (as a therapy idea I got, to recover my own sexual empowerment) she called it disgusting, and as I woke up today, I found out at some point in the last month she flirted with someone else in an attempt to look for a new FP. Are things completely lost? I'm trying my best to not lose her but I feel like it's a loss either way at this point But i have asked her to block me and get rid of me if she is looking for other men or if she genuinely doesn't want to date me anymore and she hasn't So maybe I'm misunderstanding her, despite barely texting me back (I spend my entire day texting her and hoping for a reply), despite saying she doesn't want me or love me anymore, calling any sexual thing I sent to her disgusting (she's very sexual and into BDSM), despite flirting with someone else after breaking up with me, telling me to leave her alone and not text her (which I think she doesn't actually want, based on how she is and how she responds when she is more relaxed) She still keeps me around, she sometimes still shows some love in ways that doesnt push her (such as being jealous still, caring for my feelings when she's not completely sad herself and she doesn't want me to spend the money I have to travel to her on a switch (which would be to play with her anyways, animal crossing) and she likes that I stay around her and basically ""stalk"" her like I would when we were together It's been almost three years together, I am down to do whatever to be with her as long as we are genuinely happy together, I don't mind tapping into those more let's say ""unhealthy"" ideals because they're very similar to mine I don't wanna lose hope. I don't wanna think she may not love me anymore, but I don't know and she can't answer me (literally, she said she couldn't answer those questions) But I don't wanna be hurt either I'm scared she may be keeping me around until she finds someone else, or just not strong enough to tell me anything, I may be misreading everything. I don't trust my own judgement because mine lacks those factors that my condition keeps from me. If there's anything to be done, I would be so happy to do so, I don't wanna lose her, I have built my next 6 years entirely around her, without an exaggeration. This includes my career, my expenses, everything.",5.201693731447531,5.487318698795185,5.907919504103372,81.62939104243061,68.17001338688085,9.280123392119203,30.295355334381004,9.20300075937882,2.388134415924569,2936,105,599,52,46,960,300,747,0.11699999999999999,0.762,0.12,0.8797,1,1,0,0,0,0,79.0,5,0,0,9,34,46,4,2,23,0,63,8,1,3,5,132,115,50,0,25,28,0,3,3,0,6,1,3,0,5,36,39,0,5,21,6,4,8,30,20,0,1,29,8,135,26,97,70,14,89,0,9,2,7,89,38,0,19,41,437,171,5,0.0,0.0,0.1088499102905542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169423555963827,0.05776247147491415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03792654383170553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212414331865362,0.03899674121758695,0.0,0.091790412378964,0.24824237048331085,0.0521388394979028,0.0,0.0,0.04288485375948102,0.04656688685307074,0.1019933967536197,0.0,0.0,0.06283540084717239,0.058528765930387125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048454577721473,0.0,0.11389790832685792,0.0,0.056862778235759276,0.0,0.05899886961213326,0.0,0.11695074829067448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193602879704078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05707362502441789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397698372335256,0.0,0.04939700991857759,0.05762688540039754,0.0,0.07367312155174878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024768605428523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05639950916369901,0.039843182662502176,0.053549402158084534,0.0,0.10194831172534917,0.0,0.0,0.06115058938047493,0.0,0.0,0.02913831558276408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04460557671695377,0.0,0.0,0.11044513980442533,0.0,0.1187396331538478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037382472019959305,0.0,0.0,0.11078740030129383,0.0,0.0,0.05970456210383164,0.06295925380354049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19828914629944985,0.0,0.0,0.09195170105456367,0.045461229822378456,0.0,0.059053983396731874,0.060595916062081714,0.05703015444493259,0.03939307159338645,0.08174143777058251,0.0,0.0,0.04935603723778308,0.0936680551977839,0.1871821841027136,0.06088119866577639,0.0,0.25167985636209034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056029984710105465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05631333317827523,0.0,0.04451629252561312,0.0,0.0,0.08270774588526449,0.08602886374280566,0.05386447834742289,0.059313640707163336,0.052337790341488014,0.0,0.0,0.12699248279100336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973950743210289,0.0,0.0,0.15816633064013735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247686259693674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03572866169887316,0.0,0.0,0.05987773701081942,0.0,0.04762857051747901,0.05305148391499866,0.08870349714327512,0.055837017620121165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18902010040270364,0.0,0.05515945607415576,0.0,0.0394753665631349,0.05944501614839282,0.2226960263329887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04482703252284348,0.09749352762129404,0.0,0.06377958986367145,0.0,0.18526058751939412,0.10720840780729303,0.054795231974265966,0.04427635450798125,0.13008327952365828,0.0,0.052864876623856825,0.053292074227103865,0.0,0.07573039777943967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708626760474662,0.0,0.0,0.09203468425955344,0.2302683987114703,0.13280650197927266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051700754716693914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05376175187186055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885545586731605,0.2439095933369887,0.0,0.10774508460988133 bpd,redlegopen,2020/03/27,fear of people forgetting i love them whenever i’m up late at night i’ll sometimes find myself in a panic because i start thinking back on if i affirm my girlfriend enough and if she knows i love her. she is very very kind and understanding and is by far the least needy person i’ve ever dated. she is very independent and shows obvious signs that she knows i love her and our relationship. yet i still will go into a complete anxiety attack thinking she’ll leave me because i didn’t say i love you in the “right voice” when we got off the phone that night?? what the fuck is wrong with me???,5.632941176470588,5.632298176470593,6.112268907563027,81.51949579831934,67.23529411764707,9.15294117647059,28.764705882352942,8.841846274778883,1.9935344537815127,469,14,96,7,7,152,79,119,0.14300000000000002,0.68,0.17800000000000002,0.8256,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,2,1,1,0,5,10,2,2,6,0,7,5,0,1,2,21,21,8,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,3,8,0,0,6,1,0,1,1,5,0,0,2,2,23,5,10,17,2,20,0,0,0,5,20,9,1,2,10,62,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883883612482632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185664261130034,0.0,0.10939953751539673,0.0,0.17345720701377051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917105520326948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700655496260112,0.0,0.0,0.128694523749373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009723901105194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003539916191229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152955582220602,0.0,0.0,0.08085730729135161,0.0,0.11378911283715065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815595395207629,0.15637958684343695,0.0,0.16049070211396976,0.1506470911216783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.51362954468496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670280789599632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669272947128116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863452922357352,0.12422773022331506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527484918845966,0.0,0.12150078944782952,0.0,0.11314159560736775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407121268958364,0.0,0.10070191376840026,0.0,0.1136197988407943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823262248199062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481117283833802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521716064314926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555373498700473,0.0,0.0 bpd,loleonii,2020/03/27,"Losing my mind over a guy I've been doing so well with managing lately. I broke up with my ex 10 months ago after 5 year long, unhealthy relationship. I have a great job and going on 3 years self harm free. But I can feel myself spiraling over this guy I just met. We matched on Bumble last weekend and I ended up going over to his place that night. We sat on his couch, listening to music and drinking scotch talking for hours. We clicked instantly and have so much in common. We even guessed each others favourite colour! He told me he liked me a lot and asked if he could kiss me. We made out for a while and ended up in bed. I had so much fun. We went for coffee in the morning and he told me he wanted to see me again. He asked to hang out again Tuesday night. When Tuesday came around he told me he was starting to feel unwell and given the current climate with covid, we agreed to postpone, but we kept talking to each other on messenger. I sent him a message on Wednesday asking if he was up for hanging out on Friday night. He saw the message but didn't respond. I've sent him another 2 messages, one yesterday and one today and he hasnt looked at them. I'm feeling so upset about this, I dont known if I'm being irrational or not. I probably am. I really like him and i thought he liked me too. My mind is going to a bad place and for the past couple hours I've been fantasising about parking my car outside his apartment all day tomorrow until he maybe comes out and somehow engineer a way to 'accidentally' bump into him in person. I know THAT is irrational but I don't care?? I don't understand what's happened and why I'm just getting ghosted like this! He seemed like a really decent guy, I didn't expect this at all.",2.3963812482865734,4.237473135977339,3.86003289774285,87.66973133510008,76.8470254957507,6.5944987663346435,24.70154436626153,7.4822170145007005,1.1579877364525264,1359,47,279,18,31,449,188,353,0.081,0.8290000000000001,0.09,0.2803,2,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,8,0,1,1,16,16,0,1,12,0,20,2,0,1,2,66,59,29,1,6,11,1,3,5,0,0,0,1,2,5,9,35,1,1,8,2,1,11,7,5,1,2,21,9,43,12,46,36,7,72,0,2,5,1,53,28,0,8,37,176,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581958476027989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151770174417953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618480015621399,0.27152347847116026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808354719928592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072918599468946,0.09870811274148504,0.0,0.0,0.08339650890359553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772979347077445,0.10712261887380638,0.0,0.0624368863163251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346504261370792,0.09484065828065552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149656683742245,0.0,0.0,0.06394459621719575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685588574338718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05058121022007502,0.0,0.1650645263629308,0.0,0.0,0.1067375469182344,0.1066513062273853,0.2875826239011073,0.08561211609642852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19068416596069396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607274945675508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053206327912397225,0.07891616164213215,0.10921017373087034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236491641382015,0.0,0.0,0.0856771589305897,0.0812992016887076,0.10830986868658256,0.0,0.08230762344457852,0.0,0.09160755038266354,0.0,0.0,0.09726246622594208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19550866182315288,0.0,0.07727584472275782,0.0,0.14233855258927935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725595549472621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312070613703644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241971870146554,0.0,0.08453406846114737,0.2022996127175714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438164178387352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404278779530012,0.0,0.0,0.10394178052756613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714805730655737,0.08813563971547818,0.10099789884428116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852529992590042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563051674279368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685933625042851,0.0,0.0,0.09176815420831463,0.2775291799440328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078657127963593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057103282589169885,0.07684628138651392,0.0,0.0,0.08704722543297225,0.08974735466206935,0.08735938841231691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468981513024024 bpd,AFowden,2020/03/27,"Today I did some BPD baking and it really made me laugh. So during the ""lockdown"" we're facing I decided to make a carrot cake. I don't bake and haven't since being a child probably. I looked up the recipe, went shopping (came back with half the ingredients as being in a supermarket at this time was a stressful experience), so had to venture out a second time to get the final ingredients. Finally I'm ready to go, I look at the recipe and dont even view the ""how many does it serve section"" before deciding that whoever came up with this recipe can't possibly like carrot cake as much as I do and I don't want to make a small puny cake so I'll just double up the recipe. As I worked through the process with cake mix almost overflowing my bowl, SIX carrots, SIX eggs, all I could do was start to laugh because I began to see I probably had about twice as much mix as I needed and had used double the ingredients I had predicted. Duh. Well I poured it into the only cake tin I had and managed to get about 3/4 of the mix in before I decided to remove some again incase it would rise. Cake and tin were ready to go so I put it on the oven to cook, and was left with enough mix to make another cake easily. I laughed at myself and I decided to freeze the rest of the mix for another time. I found this quite a light hearted and funny experience thankfully but I realised just how many of my BPD influences were there. All or nothing, thinking I'm some sort of carrot cake superfan, fear of failure at the begining, fear of not knowing what I'm doing (so I'll just double up and don't need to follow YOUR recipe). The cake turned out great in the end.",5.579248120300754,5.205531047619051,6.51338972431078,79.86231203007522,67.39285714285714,10.049874686716793,29.588972431077696,9.682069395223575,2.4379011904761905,1296,40,270,25,19,433,163,336,0.055999999999999994,0.8690000000000001,0.075,0.3286,0,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,1,0,2,17,10,0,3,24,1,24,6,2,8,2,53,54,26,0,5,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,10,20,4,0,7,2,1,9,7,3,1,5,17,6,26,7,49,33,13,40,0,0,4,0,2,19,0,6,13,180,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073434084838818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248131010127455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242871893630631,0.0,0.06534696438914346,0.0,0.1824353684899832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27002449871254564,0.0,0.0,0.2452121280169787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558895692555958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380977626841366,0.0,0.12563537022740714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494569503975947,0.1107642891004133,0.0,0.07080333144667487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20972061532196368,0.0,0.24125532185295365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348605488921359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753717928251706,0.0,0.0,0.11201316151943527,0.0,0.12184629675838175,0.0,0.0,0.11818627936264076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127030259984821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05891327012913205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647104504035012,0.0,0.0,0.05237157495612158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003880434130198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143343044548724,0.2146666846060923,0.2173640880223956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576058699688615,0.1589720598714807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285946433036428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815289825944772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084974651202622,0.0,0.0,0.2311553568989224,0.0,0.0,0.10776369486584028,0.0,0.11401837044774765,0.0,0.0,0.0686738453082795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542300358563115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867537282587032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587536414580717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279505686668153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986936043452904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868821149395946,0.0,0.0,0.18752421565267732,0.0,0.10161126073251504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166007458188698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258473659464676,0.0,0.0,0.06322821447055876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638396234311923,0.09937370903113107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804149066406488,0.0,0.0,0.07615045178639247,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cookster1015,2020/03/27,Does bpd mean you wont be truly happy in a relationship I feel like i am legit ruining my marriage cuz i cant control it and im scared he will leave or does this happen to everyone,2.1926666666666685,3.1476136000000032,5.245000000000001,81.20666666666669,75.5,8.333333333333334,25.833333333333336,8.841846274778883,1.8925833333333333,144,5,31,3,3,53,35,40,0.281,0.6579999999999999,0.061,-0.7908,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,2,0,6,8,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,2,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32125516190637604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860857450298962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4464317127845845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24373291509665285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897243143425485,0.1822240023099176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255599641232348,0.2715296537601785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755223085645899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700851811475269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461564689159114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778489694785302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738526432438109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553722907623987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DMNK392,2020/03/27,"Am I The Only One Feeling This Way? Also a Story of a Crush I am writing this because I feel like I am imploding emotionally and there is no sign of those massive waves of emotions ending anytime soon. I don't even know if it is BPD or something else, or if it's maybe ""normal"". I just know, that I feel like most people are not feeling things this intense. And what I read on here in many posts sounds very much like me. Now to the situation. I try my best to keep this as short as possible. Last week a TikToker and author created a Discord server for her followers, so they could talk to each other during those times of home quarantines here. That evening or maybe the next I joined the Voicechat (for those not familiar with Discord, everybody who joins the Voicechat can talk with each other) and after a while there formed a group of people, we were 5 or 6, and we talked the whole night until like 7 in the morning. It felt amazing. That's the first problem in this situation. I feel like, things like this, amazing evenings or nights with others, to me feel like THE best moments in my life. I feel intense happiness during those moments and afterwards when thinking about it. In and of itself that is something great, I guess. Problem is, I always feel like I'm the only one who feels so intense about moments like those. I feel like others enjoy them and then... move on with their life. I don't. I think and think and think about those moments. And after a while my mood drops. Because I realize, that those moments are gone now. They will fade like most memories do in a few days and in a few days or weeks I'll probably won't even remember how their voices sound. But those evenings/nights continued. Everyday for the last week or maybe a bit longer we were in the Voicechat for hours usually until early in the morning. We played games online together like [Scribble.io](https://Scribble.io) or we just talked and talked and talked. During those hours of us together I feel one of the highest forms of happiness I ever experienced. But as soon as I wake up the next morning I feel emptier than I ever felt. Because I know that this is just something temporary. At the latest this will probably end when social life gets back to normal and I have to go back to my job (currently woring from home). Most of them could probably continue like this (one is a student, one self-employed, two currently at home), but I wouldn't be able to keep the routine of staying online from 12 to 7 or 8 in the morning. So I would drop out of the group, or at least miss most of the days. It also doesn't help that I seem to crush really heavily on one of the girls in our group. And I mean heavily. But she lives about 6 hours away (everyone in the group lives somewhere else in the country). And while I know that it is possible to meet one day and that 6 hours is not that far away, I also know that there's probably no chance of us seeing each other more often. This is the situation. While I am with this group, and at the same time of course with her, I feel like I never felt. Happy on a level I can't completely comprehend. All those hours, those nights and early mornings, together. But as soon as the moments are over I remember that it's just temporary. And that sooner or later this daily contact will probably lay in the past. Aswell as knowing that there's almost no chance of this girl and me meeting other than maybe a few times if at all. And that it's probably that important only to me. That she probably doesn't feel like this and especially not this intense. And it feels like... wave after wave of intense happiness followed by wave after wave of intense emptiness and sadness. I don't even know what I want to get out of this post... I just feel alone with feeling so intense. Maybe someone else can relate... Thanks for taking the time to read this wall of text :)",4.651186365648517,5.9325714116865935,4.97051128818061,84.26306219566182,69.94289508632139,8.233820274457727,28.154271801682164,8.626192665926032,1.9874938468348828,3055,107,598,50,54,965,272,753,0.059000000000000004,0.8290000000000001,0.11199999999999999,0.9791,6,2,3,0,0,0,101.0,8,0,6,3,40,33,0,0,41,0,37,4,1,1,5,134,86,69,0,12,28,0,20,16,0,6,3,3,3,2,67,43,0,2,36,4,0,5,16,4,0,9,7,25,65,28,98,70,22,112,0,2,1,0,40,33,0,22,84,432,132,4,0.04166858935926825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04172507322804473,0.04315609198716008,0.0,0.0999670675684804,0.03467160434800853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829802269823412,0.06408114633750864,0.0,0.07620235595863878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745722756976276,0.0,0.04549130751029466,0.0,0.05248012961987697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043688723165104616,0.0,0.0,0.06653795599880127,0.0,0.0,0.10749117192135184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442627883919484,0.0937431091807555,0.07381200455948676,0.0,0.0,0.13760855142985476,0.07538324929443962,0.0,0.039816122800948345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581711432781897,0.26791243707635165,0.1200251408769119,0.0,0.0,0.035443280822584834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04354023626522936,0.0,0.02368121958589076,0.0,0.0,0.04593976687163613,0.0459026489375366,0.0,0.0,0.17742795278884715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027929577111350558,0.0,0.12539097772936736,0.0,0.20517583510367693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041349645370259584,0.0740739135571001,0.0,0.0,0.1602997688886975,0.06793092352068221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829527085311555,0.325714687987062,0.0,0.07358825561635986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04224540946658805,0.20930849325228587,0.045389309377796186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04428711612653717,0.030631207628402636,0.0,0.032137384900919365,0.0,0.08863003500684295,0.1564125936240724,0.08165274098573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19765000178986175,0.09507251959881667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039777383442584996,0.057775506594052416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395014736395466,0.07981398068843208,0.0,0.31448050844115955,0.07974242510181294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335973094264595,0.0,0.026693965328757344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440477787601738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03320447086888604,0.03793351878990847,0.04346942628338337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051172085582042,0.0,0.042475879402581136,0.03530566054442461,0.09623554749555886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04441317207475098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03132959347824035,0.20094980249320696,0.0,0.03836283873047738,0.0,0.0,0.05536551849277795,0.10679819823009368,0.0,0.0,0.09718915818123414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02829023697690197,0.0,0.040704157121165034,0.0,0.10024436496222433,0.0,0.04589206428527089,0.03438095010909873,0.024577213600020187,0.03307458672020039,0.10027208692032158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0465214919485091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029600170350590437,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,usernameinstalling,2020/03/27,"I’m not sure anymore. I don’t think I can do this, between my diagnosis and a suicidal girlfriend I want to beat her to the punch. I figure if I kill myself first then I can’t lose her. I’m ready for this to end tonight. I’m fucking spent.",-0.4838993710691817,1.4846413962264189,2.1040566037735857,95.71067610062893,87.86792452830191,5.042767295597487,22.040880503144656,6.42735559955562,0.2687257861635226,186,7,45,2,6,64,37,53,0.263,0.665,0.07200000000000001,-0.9014,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,7,11,3,2,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,10,1,5,10,0,4,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,4,28,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369062536452653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008868874740006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889616265598041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140612837140878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3758446021184293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800544800726853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3715933563545343,0.0,0.3201776121267841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21767582146740472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20037286203042987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,intoxicatedflxwers,2020/03/27,"how does rejection feel to you? I just want to know if other people experience it the same way I do. whenever I get ignored, hung up on, blocked, broken up with, etc etc it sends me into a total meltdown, I can only describe it as being emotionally set on fire and the only thing to put it out is hearing from said person who’s rejecting me, absolutely nothing else stops these episodes, the pain is unbearable, I immediately enter this state of mind where I’m completely paralysed with panic and fear, I start crying and screaming and rolling around and pacing and rocking back and forth, throwing up, throwing things or hurting myself, and texting and calling the person a million times over begging for them to just speak to me and make it all stop. I am so incredibly tired of having this emotional reaction, especially because the people who do this to me are often emotionally abusive and undeserving of having me in their life to begin with, however I’m still not capable of leaving them. I just want to know if there’s other people out there who experience such a painful reaction too?",13.44743281471004,8.70176217326733,12.604879773691652,56.089554455445565,55.98019801980198,15.30523338048091,49.154172560113146,12.540900571622839,6.087587553041017,877,41,143,19,7,290,127,202,0.237,0.736,0.027000000000000003,-0.9932,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,3,0,14,9,0,2,8,0,10,4,0,2,2,41,23,17,0,4,7,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,16,18,0,4,3,1,0,5,1,9,0,1,1,6,18,0,29,21,5,27,0,3,0,0,14,12,0,4,7,115,34,0,0.0,0.14755231894067855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086158226626894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957588894630952,0.0,0.07591471541034255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127163045427642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305714348590622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679465203396265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089804635103705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040321016287403,0.4202516594828365,0.0,0.0,0.27777645651314803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436361195454986,0.0,0.14013527078803634,0.06296808651918831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650638278185528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140358766968325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333161258986302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688115974638054,0.0,0.0,0.13186342898960934,0.0,0.0,0.08796198325589298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312735167981107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574374806920566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949364495953806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18942729992773072,0.2650257202162372,0.14611371058609793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590083979057585,0.21747641273220966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251909756448671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846026600816854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814574218755934,0.0,0.0994529410737544,0.20823184937027253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546959186694846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261672416306764,0.14313340940729952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690665288911325,0.09884922086430828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thoughtstorm,2020/03/27,"Did anyone else make the 16 personalities test? For me some of the questions are super hard to answer. Starting with the first question: is it hard for you to introduce yourself to people? I would answer this with a yes, totally when I would need to introduce my true self, talking about feelings or introducing myself to a group of friends of friends or my partner for example. But when it comes to work related introduction of myself to strangers or people I just work with I am super confident and would answer that question in the complete opposite way. Anyone else feel this way or has experience with how to answer psychological tests? Stay safe :)",7.057371794871795,8.610336051282054,7.158194444444442,69.79062500000002,64.55555555555556,9.952564102564104,35.13782051282051,10.125756701596842,3.867735897435898,526,24,84,12,8,169,72,117,0.021,0.76,0.21899999999999997,0.9805,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,5,5,6,0,0,6,1,8,0,0,2,2,31,14,9,0,4,6,0,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,5,6,0,1,9,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,10,6,21,10,2,9,0,0,0,0,11,1,0,8,4,63,15,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204822833632666,0.3001404738067734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616623848618952,0.15356529105022776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447046703963765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432704314260505,0.0,0.0,0.1481137515817681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458266895844085,0.0,0.0,0.2263162915670931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262406931300425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776622251814716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860160584360863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030801507327312,0.12788719314385075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4922214382805475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279446537650265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366836030010457,0.15611171950135086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772265499625532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325134802799819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21325586937473945,0.0,0.0,0.31213263600173624,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PhysicalTurn1,2020/03/27,"I don't feel man enough I'm almost 17 now and I feel so out of touch with all my male peers. Growing up I was extremely abused by a stepdad which led me to shying away and closing down from him and being closer with my mom and two little sisters. I never got into sports because anytime he tried to teach me them and I messed up, he would beat me. I never got taught how to stand up for myself because how could I stand up for myself when I was so used to being hit and choked all the fucking time? I never wanted to be around him. I always stayed in my room to avoid him as much as possible. The only time I would come out to socialize with my family was when he wasn't around, the rest of my family being my mom and two little sisters - all females. Growing up, my friend group was mostly girls. I understood them so much better than boys and I was just a lot more comfortable around them. By the time I started hanging around boys more often (around 3rd grade) there was just something that I wasn't doing right. I was just such a fucking pussy. Anytime other boys would pick on me or do something to me, I'd just take it. I'd take it and cry. Now if you're still reading this, you're probably imagining me as a delicate, somewhat feminine guy, but I'm not. I'm actually just a stereotypical high school football player and pretty popular at my school. I forced myself to be like the rest of guys my age, and the feeling is so unnatural. I don't know how to explain it, but anytime I get validation or feel included by guys I just feel so uncomfortable. It's like a knot in my stomach, like I don't belong here but it's where I'm suppose to belong. Really deep down I'm just a bitch who takes everything so seriously. I can pretend like what people say doesn't hurt my feelings, but I'll be thinking about it over and over again the rest of the day. I am so fake that at this point I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm also such a dick to so many people because I want to act cool. That's such a cliché bully thing to say, but it's true. It's like getting back at everyone who treated me that way in the past. If only they knew I do what I do because of me, not because of them.",3.8002115244347214,4.245250614879652,5.146185995623637,85.2992060539752,71.29759299781182,8.018935083880379,26.830707512764405,8.021203637495839,1.4673743836615607,1709,53,369,22,30,573,206,457,0.096,0.799,0.105,0.0154,0,1,2,0,1,0,41.0,0,0,5,2,40,20,3,1,18,1,32,4,2,6,7,81,66,38,0,8,18,4,7,5,1,3,0,2,1,9,22,25,0,1,13,3,0,6,12,8,0,2,14,10,58,12,59,41,14,62,0,1,0,3,33,35,4,9,22,265,80,6,0.0,0.09830593207776084,0.0809667921472896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308251178588627,0.0,0.0,0.06635111238803343,0.06903772130333519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228398667195415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693046390101963,0.0,0.0,0.07795308540363785,0.06379884064841762,0.0,0.252888836665184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338025941330198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071471344273071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624482698047791,0.0,0.09113869485750432,0.053508812969751005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573023238797396,0.0,0.05480093004762066,0.0,0.0,0.07928143046744036,0.07456812355966093,0.0,0.15643354237988927,0.0,0.2517128763897187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410244841755743,0.15340893321924828,0.0866968446740748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327174436436805,0.0,0.0,0.2464601575055019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766240444962897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882114568954998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911963301516306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20267485703096286,0.1663155576329877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053816243442464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411859964210462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19434702016879116,0.0,0.0,0.12198505464058347,0.0,0.19197483334818227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620491100418274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920429307860441,0.1150419600536396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843350771385238,0.09353625556258,0.0,0.08441036069868653,0.08945573806150005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299249459262406,0.0,0.053152733295812826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708559622891282,0.0,0.13196221470033673,0.0,0.16794022356154736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457750887082632,0.0,0.1277487833326232,0.0,0.0,0.05872662257458505,0.08843502495926016,0.06625998249516288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18714943687528948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055121608985172335,0.0531638525513678,0.0,0.0,0.14514149566474838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05633121203198225,0.0,0.1620993494856586,0.0,0.0,0.07165947660841175,0.0,0.0,0.09787576057340368,0.06585775718057706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17681861133541835,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kribz97,2020/03/27,"Is it possible that someone is triggering my BPD behavior? Im not diagnosed with BPD. I dont think I have BPD tbh. But what I noticed was that the person who I was dating was source of behavior that could be classifies as BPD. Since that person is gone... Its gone too. Is it possible that this person was triggering it?",1.8352380952380971,4.337793476190477,3.8406349206349217,83.55714285714289,82.49206349206351,8.679365079365079,24.87301587301588,9.23628265651192,2.602339682539683,251,10,49,8,7,85,38,63,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,12,1,0,2,0,7,15,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,12,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,0,5,0,3,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,36,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7540021084817541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949703506963237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190899956248552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17540877680175762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166619732946466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039703416487748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920507287163658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374544314090405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380620721434825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268124844805768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590066186812962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Nananabanana_,2020/03/27,"I found out of Bpd about 3 days ago when a social worker requested an appointment fir me with a psychologist. I got a phone call saying she requested an appointment with a psychologist and an evaluation for mental health. The nurse on the phone told me the social worker suspects a personality disorder. I hung up and started my research... That's how I found bpd. I fit the description 100% on every little thing and details. I feel so relieved and bad for myself and bad for everyone around me. I knew there was something wrong with me, I always knew I was different. My childhood and life story would justify this. I don't know how to feel, I don't know if I want the official diagnosis. I don't know if I want help. I don't want meds. I'm just so confused. I didn't tell anyone anything, I don't know how. It's really like everything just makes sens now but at the same time I hate. Can anyone please help? Advice... Anything? I think I also just need to talk.",1.8594411027568896,4.355587194736845,3.775413533834588,84.10956140350878,82.3157894736842,7.197994987468673,22.731829573934842,8.269060116576782,1.5967619047619048,757,26,148,17,21,255,108,190,0.121,0.7979999999999999,0.081,-0.6024,1,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,14,7,1,1,14,0,10,2,0,4,0,40,31,16,0,7,6,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,11,0,0,12,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,9,3,28,2,16,21,1,15,0,0,0,0,15,8,0,3,8,94,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253671165801358,0.11372462221514112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259642370203514,0.10675063388292846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941187282229526,0.0,0.211149563756545,0.11420859079930262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21423975750172464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32316284224683706,0.0,0.13100220945031146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273882154578056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403960817824478,0.14703569241261505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809297357677973,0.12259012606106562,0.1153021030702788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973829670611092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813348352295228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260818990559796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266634657556637,0.0,0.13637020137476216,0.0,0.0,0.17198512251078185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28202744435057364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061763278318297,0.06267782033281556,0.12858398906234214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563703943379396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250537640444305,0.0,0.12928987228511912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512815124340264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202110831585324,0.0,0.14082795420378386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218822789656795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202429774558264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615585368042424,0.0,0.09876675635491756,0.0,0.0,0.090806939558383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311761453495807,0.11213434656624673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852326320847123,0.082205421215762,0.0,0.0,0.07480908684133955,0.0,0.0,0.12259012606106562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22701284064136315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911361619223625,0.1402690185564093,0.0,0.0 bpd,willowcloudyy,2020/03/27,"Just diagnosed I was just diagnosed with bpd. I didn’t even know it existed. I’m only 13. I’m not sure what parts of me and my anxiety and depression are just me, or it’s coming from bpd.",-0.5578048780487848,1.5289971219512208,2.8616585365853666,89.15102439024393,89.97560975609754,8.158048780487805,20.39512195121951,8.841846274778883,1.7257960975609756,146,5,34,5,5,53,30,41,0.187,0.813,0.0,-0.7478,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,11,7,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,3,5,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917744605815028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6314616572874059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159441934444305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159158861133954,0.5088829728274967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557604672893916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377707258761182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906583540068719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714690138148713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23626902776119899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ohyikesmissy,2020/03/27,"What’s wrong with me?? I want love and attention but i cannot bring myself to maintain my relationships with my friends despite feeling isolated as all hell. I left my job in November and haven’t been working since (much to my chagrin). All my socialising came from work with the customers and my colleagues. Since then, I’ve been at home just miserable and really not doing well. I live with two roommates that I’m barely interacting with. I feel incredibly apathetic and disconnected from all the people I used to love. -I have no desire to make plans with my friends or the rare occasion it happens, I flake beforehand -can’t even fucken communicate. I keep disappearing from conversations (you will never see me have a full convo online. I will either get too overwhelmed and come back in a few days, or I just don’t gaf and then come back to it weeks later when I remember). I’ll sometimes interact with them online so that I haven’t just completely disappeared from their lives, like tagging them in shit or sending them stuff that makes me think of them. But the idea of it going any further than that? Wooooooo boy that thought EXHAUSTS me This goes against my identity. I used to be a social creature, wanting to spend as much time as humanly possible with the people I love. I was neglected as a kid so being around people and loving them as well as feeling loved back is so so so incredibly important to my mental well-being. But........I still deeply crave love and intimacy and the company of friends but I just can’t??? Honestly just want to completely disappear from everyone’s lives idek Ahhhhhhh my brain is broke and I’ve been crying for hours, I really hope this isn’t incomprehensible:((",4.301889481126942,6.792526107255522,5.1633242684651375,77.51350157728709,73.41640378548895,8.788817578592408,28.91210703796366,9.40505699530331,2.9145932557380623,1364,57,243,35,29,443,173,317,0.145,0.669,0.18600000000000005,0.9595,1,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,1,6,3,20,22,2,2,10,0,20,9,2,4,4,59,49,31,0,5,13,0,3,1,3,2,1,0,1,3,12,23,0,2,8,0,1,9,10,8,2,1,6,4,40,14,39,39,8,30,1,4,1,6,25,8,2,4,14,171,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324979177328348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279836049416069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21455617595036555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382959575364024,0.0,0.10637832938749622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023925786539106,0.1950378212667792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021667982834438,0.0599835680071398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06143203580733929,0.0,0.0,0.08887476309435992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108551097676986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155772120894772,0.0,0.048593734283094873,0.0,0.052859561213514934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224817877829628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329632199147103,0.09237962772529708,0.09159582829643284,0.0,0.0,0.10499664063632047,0.0,0.0,0.09229778486191743,0.0826713031774978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101055321313882,0.0,0.0,0.045439845869601495,0.0,0.24638783202700776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.503669363991702,0.0,0.12416940640047235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373191087279098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367456763622195,0.0,0.07173482169071065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19344366427413934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485447228745233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916880287428992,0.0,0.0,0.09985761989268634,0.10536186949507396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411669631668741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547313002678608,0.1538771853629737,0.0,0.0,0.0948116856581296,0.0,0.0,0.0919889807650063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427767400479095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647386478810256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05959686616182774,0.0,0.07383931991105344,0.05423470946605908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908569711617672,0.0,0.0,0.16066105188790591,0.0,0.0,0.16457860905803082,0.0,0.07460677855360633,0.0,0.2508806960746681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542435224375646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169151622757447,0.0,0.0 bpd,psychonauticusURSUS,2020/03/27,"Anyone else always hyper-aware of their mental/physical state? Not sure how to word this one or really explain it. And maybe this isn't related to BPD, maybe I'm just somewhat of a hypochondriac. I feel like I'm always super aware of my psycho-physiological state, especially when I'm imbibing substances (like drinking or getting high) and I constantly notice shifts in my mental state, or my physical state. How to word/explain this... Like... I'll be watching a show that makes me laugh and I'm feeling good, then my girlfriend comes in and makes a negative comment about something unrelated and I immediately feel/notice/focus myself feeling really bad. Or... crap I'm just really struggling to think of ways to articulate what I'm saying. Ok, like maybe I'm playing a video game, feeling pretty ""normal"", and suddenly I feel my body temperature rise (idk) and I feel my face flushing. I IMMEDIATELY notice it, hyper focus on it, then start stressing about wtf is happening to me. God I know I can think of/articulate better examples of what I'm trying to say but I'm struggling right now. Does anyone relate to what I'm trying to say?",3.99858490566038,6.535985650943399,5.631735849056607,73.56562264150946,74.56603773584905,8.202264150943396,27.581132075471697,8.982922981607832,2.7028388679245294,906,36,150,21,20,307,109,212,0.092,0.794,0.114,-0.3194,0,0,2,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,1,2,8,16,1,3,4,1,4,4,3,4,1,34,30,17,0,1,8,0,6,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,10,8,1,0,10,5,0,2,3,5,0,1,0,10,18,11,19,29,1,19,0,0,1,0,8,5,1,5,11,79,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18734583400354526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743263398741345,0.1153482366189047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399692672995126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956503227256304,0.0,0.12504744759529265,0.14178654027030535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697494606869464,0.0,0.1216555285388088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985167174389558,0.0,0.0,0.1102824068153474,0.0,0.0,0.09404347192709513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984554929594881,0.08042488932601509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05881673223097715,0.0,0.0,0.09442407974077406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955129357842987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894357144416964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186926584399926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21999735451975708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029177805083122,0.0,0.33929558469907306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269018746814305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030136293307767,0.0,0.25633886881517803,0.0,0.0,0.07628495405563929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453107898907106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163587447748873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613997318114836,0.0,0.2685767726316361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666712162772493,0.0,0.0,0.07968243937329632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289563455052033,0.23537943147712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610230291161424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426933721226898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528645166631887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935822483470446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PrincessxBoom,2020/03/27,"I just realized how mentally ill I am. Of course I knew that already. I’ve had a diagnoses for years. Despite that, I’ve always felt like a “normal” person. I thought that everybody feels the same things that I do. I thought that everybody has extreme ups and extreme downs. I thought that everybody can be happy one second and be sobbing the next. I thought that everybody needed the amount of love and attention as I do. I thought that everybody had different personalities to be as likable as possible. I thought that everybody was at least a little bit suicidal. I thought that everybody was as mentally and physically tired as I am. I thought, that everybody was somehow coping with these terrible things in a much more elegant and mature way while I stumbled through life and barely made it out alive. Tonight, I yelled at my sweet fiancé because he was not giving me enough attention and I thought that he no longer loves me. I always start our arguments and he just listens. He nods and apologizes. Today, I finally asked him about his feelings. He said that I am the sweetest girl in the world one second and the next, I am yelling at him. That he wishes I would stop being mean. It made me cry because that sounds just like my dad, the person who abused me and made me develop this cursed disorder. I don’t want to be him. I felt like a terrible person and I felt like I wanted to rush to the kitchen to stab myself because I do not deserve to be alive. I finally opened my eyes tonight that I am mentally ill and that I do have a problem. Although my therapy sessions have been cancelled indefinitely due to covid, I will be looking out for my irrational thoughts and I will try to be stronger. If not for myself, for the person I love the most.",4.569352468427095,6.3174152865671624,5.180074626865672,80.87293628013778,70.76119402985073,8.974741676234215,33.18312284730195,9.466822959209583,3.2224718714121714,1391,68,260,32,26,447,155,335,0.142,0.722,0.136,-0.2962,1,0,0,0,2,0,32.0,1,0,0,0,6,13,0,0,16,0,32,10,1,4,0,61,65,23,1,8,7,1,5,4,0,3,5,5,1,6,24,18,1,1,20,0,0,1,5,4,0,4,25,13,50,9,31,29,8,26,0,1,2,3,27,12,1,4,16,189,74,1,0.0,0.09075816002912193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452971209921062,0.0,0.12747423122213547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161041181214517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400834620406156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362707121883806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414121180581248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774711838664902,0.0,0.08003041941922606,0.08778993234395162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914800242417656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746225493526368,0.0,0.2206432734845692,0.16782253056494226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348144544131809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154184203612841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05410465799610268,0.14969104483945408,0.07677305771867089,0.0,0.0,0.06432448507629185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074027538679964,0.21744156344958696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834395671536118,0.0,0.0,0.2315835486151989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056309618739354875,0.05679773274524338,0.0,0.0,0.16292937388023113,0.0,0.07505147641757406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381192540288374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344196690877585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635469163914207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329560116120055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286388893545012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054217686531653264,0.0,0.0,0.06404080818243592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378767720572129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759847245029195,0.0,0.10177892022592797,0.0,0.0,0.608116331393337,0.0,0.08804012684967819,0.07260759199645989,0.0,0.0,0.052006191774764905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036101640404004,0.060801304041610674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880859146810755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544142538316444,0.0,0.0,0.0493277177752705 bpd,BPDying4,2020/03/27,"I've left my boyfriend, and I question my BPD diagnosis but am scared to date again CW:abuse, suicide I had been in a relationship of 3 years when I finally decided to break it off. It had been a terribly abusive relationship (e.g.cut off from my friends, ""not allowed"" being friends with his friends, would ghost me), and was very turbulent. A lot of the turbulence was blamed on my mental illness, and how unstable he would tell me I am. Fair enough, I did have multiple episodes of ""breaking up"" with him then desperately asking for him back. However, the final 6 months of the relationship took a very dark turn, where in a span of 4 months I was hospitalized 3 times for suicide--and his lack of care or help is what was the final push to end the relationship. It has been over a year since the relationship has ended, and I've been nowhere near the ""level of BPD"" (for lack of better wording) I was while with him. To the point I sometimes question if I really do have it. I still see it in myself 100%, but I just feel less confident in the diagnosis now? Yet, I am petrified to date again. I am scared that it will trigger another part of me that is more unstable, and that it wasn't just that 1 man I was like that with, but that it will be every relationship.",6.891485732009926,6.096526641129035,7.361290322580648,76.26385856079405,64.84677419354838,11.34044665012407,35.20595533498759,10.727762888450028,3.524500248138957,989,40,203,23,13,326,132,248,0.196,0.684,0.12,-0.9740000000000001,2,0,0,0,1,2,40.0,0,0,0,1,12,9,0,2,15,0,31,1,0,3,0,30,37,14,2,5,8,0,1,1,3,4,1,0,0,1,15,9,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,15,2,27,6,32,16,7,40,0,0,1,0,21,15,0,5,22,151,42,0,0.0,0.22501970861037912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957187701917773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877303150630024,0.0,0.0,0.07301693920683865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398274774442961,0.0,0.0,0.2391928767215963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681614037577237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682094331230866,0.09811713038732316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000631855896638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048013682814423884,0.0,0.0,0.3120659639353293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22009324299047706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06364843173282976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317228418458907,0.0,0.0,0.04639174494137638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073000490118215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569545888330888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515893440274553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283039928994417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976612437335119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21274967165142772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083260849715666,0.0,0.0,0.6116969559018943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19013930391021602,0.0,0.0756693339429095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855034495651313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391601690978132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583368388082924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038687799748375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299758953719724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055370848214127744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550197444557692,0.0,0.10328717562027384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670080124768346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349110596503825,0.0,0.0,0.12229984253366068 bpd,kspicola25,2020/03/27,"What are some tips on how to talk to others about your BPD, especially those of the opposite sex Question about says it. I don’t usually tell the people I am seeing/interested in that I have bpd. But I feel like I should try and be open about it, just want some opinions/personal preferences on how ya deal with this sorta thing. Thanks!",5.87409090909091,6.19269746969697,6.2207575757575775,79.85113636363639,66.72727272727273,10.236363636363636,28.62121212121212,10.125756701596842,2.539557575757576,267,8,54,6,4,86,53,66,0.0,0.8909999999999999,0.109,0.6921,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,2,0,15,9,4,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,7,2,10,7,2,5,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,4,2,40,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6246051212533061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556404731763957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537828294538547,0.17714586184800202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114291140863477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17190733694368251,0.21651300457714695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777769477916129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19719129347020944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19930444255952995,0.21673187005879016,0.22829236237056985,0.0,0.0,0.1647365709741687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16835159350054255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730978237390769,0.0,0.1462558647615722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sadman555,2020/03/27,"trouble with work im currently working a part time job ive been at for around 4 years and ive always had issues there, i have lots of episodes/breakdowns at work and have to call in sick somewhat frequently because of my bpd and other conditions (i have cptsd, depression, and lots of weird physical health ailments) . lately i just feel unable to work, i feel like i need to take a leave or absence or quit. does anyone else feel unable to work because i feel rlly pathetic right now :( btw i was recently diagnosed and am not on any meds for bpd yet just on an antidepressant",7.121815476190478,6.6060551696428575,7.177500000000002,76.85083333333336,64.26785714285714,10.680952380952384,34.73809523809524,10.125756701596842,3.3453523809523813,457,18,87,9,6,147,75,112,0.16899999999999998,0.809,0.022000000000000002,-0.9403,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,6,6,4,0,0,3,0,9,3,0,0,0,20,15,7,0,1,5,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,4,10,1,16,12,4,15,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,5,9,54,11,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714458432077901,0.0,0.0,0.09573877995593354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844030194251284,0.1442510990727527,0.0,0.12532869743629507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17164273148787834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546281220629009,0.0,0.14375745429287348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125810701613245,0.14289403871236495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320209813489336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760798936979755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847409572254304,0.10057699205590452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964810954946622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520722006346638,0.14694319656051852,0.13970761116478028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881186468696146,0.14907122428631853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878054904172648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23938112559729205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638064595178286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439045960920244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245667802062382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974241517100648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900842410593345,0.0,0.0,0.12022981193916847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585296740553793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209299619762946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5124665985705412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066106834105543 bpd,midnightrazorheart,2020/03/27,"Am I Hallucinating? TRIGGER WARNING As a child, when I was being sexually abused, I always thought there was an invisible person watching. Growing up, I brushed it off as a guardian angel. Now I'm older and I struggle to think a spirit was ""protecting"" me. I am now (24 diagnosed with BPD, CPTSD, Generalized Anxiety, and major depressive disorder. Is there any other cases where those being abuse felt like someone else was in the room when there wasn't? What mentally can explain the feelings I had?",4.398666666666667,7.242475755555558,5.747777777777783,71.665,74.77777777777777,8.444444444444445,33.33333333333333,9.150863307647796,3.7206666666666672,398,21,62,10,9,133,68,90,0.217,0.721,0.063,-0.9390000000000001,0,0,0,0,2,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,6,0,12,1,0,1,0,10,18,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,4,3,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,8,4,8,1,7,8,1,11,2,1,1,0,3,5,0,0,6,47,12,0,0.0,0.5469479391194534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19205371736109397,0.0,0.0,0.1569597834399534,0.0,0.1765702203866035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29069909427679386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19879766826307116,0.2342688864583037,0.0,0.0,0.2645300574381044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19281345083766854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670526562788802,0.0,0.22161530466283855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276287505898384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326037765427181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20153576135729068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19556589546266887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412943690259284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789473521099558,0.0,0.1832386058144761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Space_Kitty_03,2020/03/27,"Bday rant So my birthday was yesterday (as of a few minutes ago) and some of my friends didn't remember. I know we're going through a worldwide crisis and still getting used to a new routine, but it still hurts. Am I being too needy? Am I overreacting?",2.2216000000000022,4.524677960000002,3.649999999999999,86.705,79.4,6.4,30.0,7.554174236665415,2.0014000000000003,198,10,39,3,5,65,41,50,0.233,0.727,0.04,-0.8693,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,9,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,5,6,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964746028155636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25839947392031176,0.0,0.1747391839731661,0.0,0.19007875661127216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35804150833172843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18380798484594246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32301918636424143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788728602374841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5341931561550034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888621497949961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yagirlshezza,2020/03/27,"I just found out that all of my friends actually hate me I turned 21 yesterday and none of my friends wished me a happy birthday. I was upset and drunk and stoned and apparently sent a bit of a 'fuck you' message to one of my friends who has been treating me like absolute shit since we got back to uni. She informed me that she didn't wish me a happy birthday because she doesn't consider me a friend anymore, just an acquaintance. Now I want to drop out of my uni course because i have no friends and no support and all the people I thought were my friends actually hate me. I haven't cried this hard since last time I attempted suicide. I'm done.",5.237958015267175,5.462899618320613,5.568769083969468,84.30292461832063,68.08396946564886,8.992748091603053,34.6956106870229,8.841846274778883,2.699922900763359,514,24,109,8,8,164,77,131,0.233,0.568,0.19899999999999998,-0.6488,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,1,1,0,1,4,16,4,1,7,0,9,3,1,0,2,19,22,6,1,3,2,0,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,4,9,1,0,3,1,0,1,6,5,0,1,9,1,25,11,10,13,4,9,0,0,0,1,15,2,2,0,6,71,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.25271502893393977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128413140258632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956505273845402,0.0,0.15786425021916026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136277798615332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223187863252107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132506887336059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197230777098058,0.6002331947563156,0.11970569034864795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356002665091996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756758342563743,0.11599205519705265,0.2556768987236327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055465822550322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325924616796919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774157667581453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976776618087214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291326410135024,0.2142206814795243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163426553362,0.14693668635722645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279567691609608,0.07550304740925409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084119657093713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637290242474759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977999688206977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,suspiciouswasp,2020/03/27,"does anyone else get annoyed when people set boundaries with them? hello. i don’t know if this is a bpd thing but i’m hoping someone in this group with understand what i’m feeling. whenever people set boundaries with me, including physical, it pisses me off and i have difficulty respecting them. i am a very physical person and when someone doesn’t want me to touch them it upsets me and i find myself poking and prodding at them against their wishes and then obviously upsetting them and then feeling bad about myself. does anything else get this?",4.371980198019802,7.1760365445544565,4.9390990099009935,77.64092574257428,74.64356435643565,7.604356435643562,28.911881188118812,8.548686976883017,2.679165544554455,445,19,71,9,10,142,63,101,0.179,0.691,0.13,-0.8253,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,6,0,3,7,2,2,2,0,5,1,1,0,1,20,16,12,0,4,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,9,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,3,16,2,9,16,0,9,0,0,0,0,9,3,1,2,4,51,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14265362731687134,0.2090398152089238,0.1678888398098424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034590878709127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569526249034973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3570737969140986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408605206197603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20631453577624445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864680997997517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131812188404301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20263519489749496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212256275638413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828797905416813,0.17814002145934651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457263622079831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554001684929307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123891857733096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833562419142914,0.12033467891716546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346098059117921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,theweepywillowman,2020/03/27,"Have you ever encountered a ""stigma"" around having BPD? So I was doing some reading about how BPD is treated and found a flurry of articles talking about a terrible stigma surrounding people with BPD as being ""untreatable"" and ""evil."" They tell about how sufferers have been looked down upon, judged, and even denied treatment or blacklisted by doctors for being the equivalent of ""psychiatric cancer."" People talk of how they've hidden their diagnosis from family, spouses, and therapists out of fear. Really?! This completely blew my mind. I was diagnosed 20 years ago and this is totally new to me. Not once have I ever had the slightest inkling of such a thing from anyone. Not from any medical professional, and certainly not from any normal person I've told. They don't have any idea what BPD is let alone have enough information to form such an opinion. But just because I have seen it doesn't mean a stigma doesn't exist, I suppose. Is this for real, or is it some type of exaggeration? Have you experienced it?",6.030468384074942,8.057649240437161,6.530807962529278,71.52159836065573,67.52459016393442,10.037314597970335,30.011319281811083,10.290406445055957,3.5109253708040584,813,31,130,22,14,264,117,183,0.08800000000000001,0.899,0.013000000000000001,-0.9253,0,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,2,3,0,14,6,1,1,8,0,24,4,0,3,4,33,29,14,0,1,7,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,8,9,0,0,4,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,7,3,12,2,24,19,5,10,0,1,2,0,12,5,0,5,5,103,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953359780694223,0.0,0.0,0.1279768701700717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520868784877557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640005803814035,0.0,0.0,0.1099997309909106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532454528145402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6225070367233217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12955635681887714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541665348875558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647479948571064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276764695637227,0.0,0.08161402439252258,0.22354462287324214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648680900585665,0.1390458423369677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548348673700925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949071160363244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635436962471358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376412429249952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459934590647565,0.0,0.12447951148956815,0.0,0.0,0.12476620104681613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934058872880013,0.0,0.0,0.12106821715078225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159351017771292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713298903106664,0.10789286247040146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235992066593184,0.14064489598201507,0.0791593950680051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986349674728508,0.10800192762035198,0.0,0.0,0.14346938048758862,0.08209160567825564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807238662594002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957230333406927 bpd,akumagirll,2020/03/27,"apparently I'm BPD free! :/ To start, I had BPD in adolescence, which became adult BPD. BPD explained every problem I had ever had, it was validating to hear I was diagnosed and learn about it, because I fit all of the criteria, it was like this diagnoses described what I was going through, perfectly. About 2 years ago, I wen't to the psych hospital for some time, I have been there alot to say the least. I was an adolescent, and they preformed ECT on me. ( Electroconvlusive therapy ). If you don't know what it is, ( I'm not good at explainig) But it's a way of breaking up the nueuro pathways in you're brain,through literally shocking you and giving you a controlled seizure. it's supposed to make depression better or sumthin, they typically do It on older individuals. However, I was a teenager. Now, to do this treatment, they literally ERASED ( my temporary psych doctor ) my diagnoses of BPD. I was diagnosed with the adolescence one from a psychiatrist when I was very young. they took it away because apparently you aren't supposed to preform this procedure ( ECT ) on borderline patients. like what? what the hell? Looking back, I personally don't support ECT, I think It's fucked, it didnt change anything for me at all, and it was a "" last resort "" because so many meds only did the opposite of make me happy, they made me angry. I have been struggling with severe mental health since I was 7, and Borderline said it all for me, they found out when I became older. I was also diagnosed with OCD, and anxiety, and depression. But this doctor took everything from my chart, and now I only struggle with depression( based on my chart in the hospital system and psych system ) he only left that in my chart. I don't have a psychiatrist anymore, so nobody can test me again. I am not saying having BPD is a good thing, but it really helped me get the help I needed, because when the people in therapy or treatment see the label of BPD, they know how to specifically help me. this doctor, literally just said "" that diagnoses doesn't seem right "" after a 7 day stay at the hospital. HE ONLY KNEW ME FOR 7 DAYS. 7 days, meeting for 5 minutes a day, isn't enough to decipher weather to take away a diagnoses Iv'e had for 8 years. sorry for this but nobody understands me, and I didn't really know a better place to discuss this.",4.874377334993774,6.523093805936076,5.966272312162722,75.92756537982571,69.84474885844749,9.418679950186801,30.85263594852636,9.800150414767053,3.163560730593605,1829,77,328,45,33,608,201,438,0.076,0.856,0.069,0.5215,3,0,0,0,0,0,73.0,0,4,7,4,16,19,2,2,25,0,36,12,0,5,5,49,65,24,0,3,10,0,0,2,0,0,11,5,0,2,28,15,0,1,10,0,1,3,10,9,0,1,27,7,48,11,49,38,7,50,1,3,2,1,27,20,2,6,24,226,76,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595282403372597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05047772004051797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048287276620124164,0.0,0.06259892100608863,0.0,0.0,0.051943080379364896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860823065896588,0.04853603656750829,0.0,0.15391153443099986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165052273737848,0.0,0.0,0.5564894965572388,0.07046374266272477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677348858402188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079539928819507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628309026677093,0.0,0.16309768393282653,0.4484643304738824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19382059044926836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522071015450172,0.0,0.0,0.0570964215443647,0.053182037557197616,0.0,0.05672894891314841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920875279047083,0.0,0.058354207669262324,0.03297803832030017,0.06055126987510825,0.03587303303627741,0.10588554657615984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719331735500618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709451069031519,0.0711417841658499,0.0,0.12692572341185646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406870336691344,0.05145191646071645,0.0,0.0,0.06858098699195501,0.0,0.0,0.06167531680633016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05300561566310495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05972647340393799,0.08426731353116552,0.06399463355041457,0.0,0.0,0.0701130335235011,0.0,0.06361096948404751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0468033096395472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04277232077820613,0.19202499961572805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043760048953959865,0.05511469055313683,0.06594785248667445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603981277166687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808736641822526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05390486005291403,0.12008476361842275,0.10039246502175714,0.0,0.0,0.050299144269636456,0.05746285016264086,0.0,0.07130859259359341,0.0,0.05221421846237341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706586225357117,0.04467726171505304,0.06727842640472212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319752324998211,0.0,0.0,0.07162879128761235,0.0,0.0,0.04745902286754135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436838345050712,0.0,0.04193468724780933,0.04044529125102223,0.0,0.0,0.03680627458351678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025917123502912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571102975532106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052081310872060485,0.0,0.0501023918034136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129551435454184 bpd,kalashnikuwu,2020/03/27,"stuck in this endless loop, will it ever end? i don’t know what to do anymore, i’m ruining the only relationships i have left, my mood keeps changing every 5 minutes. i’ve been crying and feeling ok then crying and feeling okay again all day long. no one seems to care, it’s like i’m talking to a wall.",0.78857142857143,3.031159920634924,2.9041269841269863,90.27142857142859,84.71428571428572,4.8698412698412685,23.285714285714285,6.1826913282559595,0.5536095238095244,237,9,49,2,7,80,51,63,0.182,0.63,0.188,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,0,2,9,14,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,2,3,4,4,11,1,9,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,7,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294644562250114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23590493515399924,0.0,0.24476687460298704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5083149687413611,0.1492194431499846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20493192178069286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092943314597604,0.1949456497471184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339829843841984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20565908688795254,0.0,0.0,0.12715910564341373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513924942245075,0.0,0.0,0.11303943267722892,0.0,0.0,0.20476193962530395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567874840510143,0.17597312944956875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24841300592348664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106375230401687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597259100853009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_jeangrey,2020/03/27,"Where has the time gone? Sometimes it’s hard for me to wrap my head around my age. I struggle getting myself to take the steps I know I need to take to fix myself. I wake up go to work get through the day and tell myself “I’ll try to find a therapist tomorrow”, “I’ll organize and clean my room tomorrow”, “I’ll start drinking water and cut out soda tomorrow”, “I’ll start exercising tomorrow”. I use the little bit of physical and emotional energy I have to take myself to work and the essentials to keeping myself alive, but that’s all I can do. Then it’s like one day I was 19 and now I’m 29. What happened to the last decade of my life?! How did I let my life slip that far away from me. The worst part is I know I’m continuing to do it. I’ll wake up tomorrow and I’ll be 40.",1.4846449957228425,2.87924708383234,3.8298075278015418,88.8508532934132,78.16167664670658,7.885201026518392,23.305816937553463,8.634040054169528,1.360055945252352,601,19,140,13,14,209,93,167,0.068,0.8690000000000001,0.062,-0.4501,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,1,1,8,0,10,9,3,2,1,18,27,10,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,6,9,3,1,3,2,0,3,0,3,0,1,3,1,22,1,21,22,4,27,0,0,0,0,1,9,0,0,16,83,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896105442024374,0.0,0.0,0.15721402563692954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18268332554819952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158307358963247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392176385847146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18822610153041786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293851711741405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484824225565326,0.0,0.09509869431668172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797123230264658,0.0,0.14989670323713836,0.0,0.17173102023574816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873246786673042,0.0,0.0,0.18392270315169928,0.13639800321754095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711084196329337,0.23638323586655804,0.08175001670361043,0.1677107340020216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240746393514927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133885683652184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18120436879911986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549573551960894,0.0,0.2368770575072129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17493185313019585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37743876607962495,0.0,0.14625563965311744,0.0,0.0,0.194285476900087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757269902475292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360751876207435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452121727202413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24363953807794475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mairara92,2020/03/27,"I thought I looked bad after surgery, now I start to like what I see in the mirror and I feel very guilty of my behavior these last few days I had jaw surgery two weeks ago. I thought I looked bad in the first day and started crying because I didn't like the outcome. I said to myself that I won't look in the mirror until I reach one month post op. At 9 days post-op I looked at the mirror and HATED what I saw. My face looked asymmetrical and like a foot. I started crying and screaming and praying to God to kill me. I continued with this behavior for the next 4 days. I was cursing the surgeon and saying to my mom that he was an asshole who destroyed my face and I hope he dies. He is actually a very nice and professional man who did the best he could and cared about me. I made my mom very sad for the things that I was saying about myself. Today I woke up very calm, saw myself in the mirror and didn't think that I looked bad anymore. In fact my left side looks much more symmetrical than before. I feel very guilty for this behavior. It's not the first time but it was the worst mental breakdown of my life. I don't want to act like this ever again. What can I do now? I feel very very bad for the things I said and how I made my mom feel...",1.911363636363636,3.3821316515151523,3.124848484848485,94.03227272727274,77.18181818181819,6.012121212121213,21.090909090909093,6.574015621080383,0.09753636363636352,972,24,226,8,22,314,124,264,0.14800000000000002,0.763,0.08900000000000001,-0.9548,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,3,7,19,3,0,16,0,14,6,4,3,2,30,43,15,2,3,2,3,4,4,0,1,2,5,0,1,17,13,0,0,7,0,0,1,5,10,0,4,17,19,41,9,26,24,5,35,1,1,10,0,14,10,0,1,27,142,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.07765342636156175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053816842521451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891671795694595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26576619563431303,0.04850799725378094,0.0,0.067712206958881,0.0,0.08350873607661218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113170788396187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635339212205055,0.0,0.17481813820489792,0.20527638837820672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258597319491676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197986998736387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094143284017326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537239476481222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856353977498512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903562996167153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803761325324241,0.0,0.0,0.06486399948139318,0.0,0.0,0.08645814210003205,0.0,0.05620596242968552,0.15550471168143742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4677589338494939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505910063760735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019257931382251,0.0,0.0,0.2795907733101054,0.06351576467633374,0.0,0.05849655893808764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462859397118917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05392187470594584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242112821876125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513875202494281,0.12656198732808796,0.0,0.0,0.06341073165488828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897014222557769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573178684106156,0.0509882533284081,0.0,0.12634684310409708,0.04640064626786115,0.0,0.07542750918334838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773291719179852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4596022165243167,0.0469352185303483,0.0,0.06383002278304795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,c_chen13,2020/03/27,"Does anybody want to be my Snapchat friend? I have a terrible time replying to people and I want someone new to challenge me to talk and get to know them. I'm 20, a girl, and have struggled with BPD symptoms for as long as i can remember. I'm hoping to find someone like me! Feel free to dm me c:",1.9904761904761905,3.2237909047619056,3.7462222222222223,90.64600000000004,76.46031746031747,6.944761904761903,28.473015873015875,7.554174236665415,1.5128311111111112,229,10,52,3,5,77,43,63,0.08,0.6859999999999999,0.233,0.8172,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,0,7,0,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,11,12,5,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,6,11,11,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,28,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078053538279584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21387060444141184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357281562760475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233714462268894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18881799341841896,0.0,0.12768563955962314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427381229782947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431240530929694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939843411806313,0.0,0.0,0.21628076485528588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23603699217961935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943184381004522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768504600469913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4141480371607315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554933953939356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540186673579097,0.0,0.19643442672523687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250795224258406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882995138561649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,divideandavocado,2020/03/28,"How do I get over losing my fp? My best friend and fb just kinda...faded on me. We texted less and less until she just stopped completely. I asked her once if we were still friends and she said yeah but she's just busy. This was a month ago. She's posting all over social media so she's not busy for everyone else, just me. It would be easier if she just had the guts to tell me it's over and why instead of lying to me like this. Have you ever lost an fp? How did you recover? She's the only close friend I had. The only one I could talk to about mental health (besides my therapist). It's hard for me to make friends and get close to people, so it's not like I can just replace her.",-0.22096038415365984,1.857003598639455,1.6694277711084449,98.4949699879952,87.843537414966,4.8193677470988385,16.13005202080832,6.2272716619740125,-0.6033614245698278,527,11,126,5,17,173,86,147,0.078,0.7490000000000001,0.17300000000000001,0.9445,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,2,0,3,14,9,0,0,5,1,11,2,1,3,2,28,17,13,0,4,11,0,1,2,4,1,1,1,0,0,6,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,7,2,26,7,14,7,4,13,0,2,0,0,22,6,0,2,8,90,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444633437617402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233729873269236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100714526551455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085114715762909,0.0,0.0,0.13010320842929834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612474982506287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739861553921085,0.0,0.1557067765565761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5035825188134654,0.0,0.1702704673999329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597219504545156,0.0,0.0,0.1732094187084712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921937074693146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18230061998368707,0.1778803946859197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108771136734473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16421640063327228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006602790265442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353762273350287,0.11041989490020596,0.2478633364989699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296978790045373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606212738585098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500382883851585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16610814408640126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013297348682493,0.13623443128302468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097393633027066,0.14242645966781114,0.0,0.0,0.1891988076861956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470380387501474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575579907308794,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dumbestbitch1,2020/03/28,"BPD Binging Okay does anyone please please PLEASE have anything, even the smallest hint or tip that could help me here. As soon as I get left alone for five seconds, I feel abandoned, panic and binge. Every single day. I’ve always had a difficult relationship with food but the last year has really spiralled. I binged so much last night I’m still in physical pain waking up this morning. I’m so ashamed and my stomach feels like I’m going to burst. This happens nearly every day. I’ve put on nearly 15 kilos in the past year and it only makes my self esteem worse, and worsens my BPD symptoms like depression and anxiety and puts even more pressure on my relationships. Because why would anyone want to associate with me like this? If anyone has experienced something similar, or even better overcome something similar I would give nearly anything to speak to you. This is really hurting me. Peace guys xx",4.042183867559004,6.8544512035928165,4.422014793941532,80.85573441352591,75.88622754491018,6.80366326171187,27.18879887284255,7.928766900206844,2.060488129623108,729,29,120,12,17,229,111,167,0.19699999999999998,0.6609999999999999,0.142,-0.9343,0,1,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,1,8,13,0,3,4,1,8,5,2,1,0,20,19,14,0,5,4,0,2,3,0,2,2,1,0,2,6,8,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,8,0,2,1,4,12,5,17,15,3,22,0,3,0,0,8,9,0,3,13,70,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619668739373745,0.0,0.0,0.0933524187747012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582628539118635,0.0,0.0,0.2353409765682725,0.0,0.18464829465568816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839097275557032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922437440321256,0.0,0.0,0.2826028463206522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957588276657745,0.0,0.0,0.14470863238784346,0.0,0.09663048148261384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817964633786597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22230452893589847,0.0,0.18905256425940464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345491230063932,0.08014971870822682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566255725186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861549307877046,0.10762442889425523,0.06376108546026102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108734664847122,0.0992106827154848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751996807684172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010345405272015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829022953943338,0.0,0.0,0.12189652790498655,0.0,0.0,0.16443348162254404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488878030098144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824737526824515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528423919378167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532678571270574,0.11937979819104147,0.1316326979017785,0.0,0.0,0.10709959999607996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3694581384060094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255671396063721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437456545197709,0.0,0.0,0.24090363558326086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170403320703413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274118691182075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959637596836492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661005489535407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617352670719863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012354905026665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433284980533795,0.15939542171947566,0.0,0.0,0.14449545520876084 bpd,oddsick,2020/03/28,"i’m so upset with my boyfriend that i want to hurt myself to make him feel as bad as i do that’s super fucked up and i know it. i’m not going to do it. but i’ve told him so many times that when i’m depressed or having a hard time i just need emotional support and comfort from him. i need a distraction. we’re long distance and he just doesn’t know how to do it and every time i give him ideas it’s in one ear and out the other. but he’s my fp, i love him more than anything in the universe. i just want to feel like he has the passion and love for me that i do for him. he says nice things to me but never DOES anything. his actions don’t match up. and i’m splitting on him so hard right now but i just keep thinking that if i kill myself, he’ll feel what i’m feeling. he’ll realize how much i needed support i don’t really know the point of posting this but i guess i just wanted to get these fucked up manipulative thoughts out here and not say awful things to him instead. *advice is fine, i don’t really care at this point*",0.885616740088107,2.36613389427313,2.8197599118942733,95.06188656387668,80.10132158590308,5.5972687224669615,20.60110132158589,6.2581,-0.04617867841409673,802,21,193,6,20,269,115,227,0.13,0.664,0.20600000000000002,0.9581,0,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,0,1,14,19,3,2,6,1,11,6,1,4,1,49,47,23,1,7,14,0,6,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,16,11,0,1,11,0,0,2,7,8,0,1,2,9,31,11,25,43,2,22,0,2,0,5,21,12,2,3,8,124,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961019527620348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014534691580139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220087982293134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479739054077672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054249959761657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711515312042827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768620969492842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312928964302834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475612972066832,0.08744428924144343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22631806756709355,0.06395019487802296,0.1174195223807869,0.06956409690759359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484002829434236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192969917209045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103428613785606,0.13817739528131606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879686500776556,0.13542010503657398,0.0,0.20180745126130054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597996231707441,0.0,0.0,0.10832226011136416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209458651171864,0.0,0.08170454333616721,0.12409680791041752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997983774148054,0.2722794554953611,0.09440426619481043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829430247665106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314196380329249,0.0,0.11722765094621393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682820593277072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453096911875473,0.0,0.19467858094137952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778015549154319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626374131535633,0.07843050675967939,0.0,0.09717382225583113,0.21412144738466946,0.0,0.0,0.11696072556415316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21658829635730376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,vocalfrygang,2020/03/28,"Love is hard I have been working with myself for a while now and doing so much better than I thought I could. Recently though I've been having a hard time due to a stressful relationship, and while it's much preferable over the more serious issues I've had, it's still been hard for me. I don't have romantic feelings often, at least not seriously, but when I do it always ends up devastating for me. Recently I've been dating a guy who I work with (I know, but it's minimum wage retail) and who I like a lot. Having seen him every day for months I felt like we were a good match. He isn't perfect, but no one is, especially me. We went out on a few dates and since he is shy and awkward I made it clear to him early on what I expected and how I felt. After our third date he started working a lot of overtime, and because he now works a different shift than me, it means I haven't seen him. I told him my feelings, which is something I'm good at now after so much therapy haha. But after another week of getting mixed messages, it seems clear to me that for whatever reason he doesn't want to date me anymore. The problem is, I'm kind of at peace with this. If he decided he wanted to actually talk it out, I would still do that, but ultimately I know that I'm a good catch and have been clear and fair and I should be with someone who has time for me and treats me well. But, typically, my brain knows that but I'm still SO SAD. Its frustrating because it feels like my brain can't agree with my heart. It kind of feels like maybe I'm just describing how emotions work haha. The point is, I've gotten very depressed and feel like maybe those articles about how people with BPD can't have relationships or find love is true. I know it's NOT, but what I know doesn't matter anymore and that's so frustrating. Anyways, I really just wanted to get my feelings out and find people who maybe have better cooing skills than I do. Thanks for listening.",5.721735952489723,5.1671655226130655,6.437816354499772,81.12850616719966,67.14070351758794,9.748926450433988,30.15121059844678,9.218907990703514,2.267463316582913,1530,48,324,25,22,505,181,398,0.122,0.69,0.188,0.9864,2,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,3,0,0,9,21,30,2,2,13,2,37,5,3,5,5,81,74,35,0,10,14,0,11,5,0,2,0,1,0,1,26,25,0,0,21,0,2,2,10,9,1,2,16,14,42,21,40,54,8,40,0,2,2,2,27,11,0,6,32,217,68,6,0.0,0.0,0.07858030881208915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670028454360672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443697286125547,0.0,0.0,0.15971735847480856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817399135255406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243477585029918,0.0,0.0,0.10141780513215157,0.17978397495452733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429227122966395,0.0,0.0,0.051931649208509616,0.0,0.06935564498674716,0.0,0.0,0.08413097723548216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090579238735102,0.07132081750796809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784537513128615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24429367934821225,0.17258018436498002,0.15463232067174948,0.0,0.14719589197390928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414146895099117,0.0,0.0,0.20262042294020507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973192783953291,0.0,0.0,0.2164024408579805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542193552401963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404667056622657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770777752654376,0.2212708320223436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967010478192968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691812260639116,0.14535303359956206,0.07619424112889298,0.0,0.0,0.24269308938358164,0.08771480114288377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427389796637313,0.0,0.17758434680255825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054565493947314136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116511165579831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612169253486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705108379417733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05158606492638974,0.08279261062340383,0.15901648392343196,0.1729063828429286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330649227578577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661070920715809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822815848763031,0.06199170411978736,0.0,0.0,0.05699566470420404,0.0,0.19292094011388408,0.0,0.09224055748922287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472255327306928,0.0,0.07413615268987657,0.092086798308195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911492510144094,0.06392746858538521,0.09390898209261478,0.0,0.0,0.07694462289999701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664411563705847,0.14248633212030293,0.0,0.06459190710298643,0.0,0.0724012077228972,0.07464703022007785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931140222508643,0.0,0.0,0.05720230361926664,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,give-me-brie,2020/03/28,"I’m (very rationally) angry I’d never normally want to brigade another subreddit, so mods if you feel the need to remove this please do. But ‘loves ones’ is the most toxic community on reddit I’ve ever witnessed; and I’ve witnessed r/gamersriseup become a huge cesspool of racism. Loved ones is horrendous: In every single post they absolutely perpetuate every stereotype ever about people with BPD. I frequently scroll through that sub as a form of self harm. Now, I’m not saying they shouldn’t have a community, because yes of course some partners get abused by some people, whether they have BPD or not. But, scrolling across a subreddit entitled our ‘loved ones’, only to realise that it is people shitting on our entire existence, hurts almost as much as when someone leaves. I’m so so so upset that they’d dare to call us their loved ones, because they are helping further the stereotype that we’re bad people. We are not bad people (in the majority), but they treat us all as abusive and evil. Idk tho mods if not appropriate you can remove but I’m gonna start campaigning for the sub to at least have to change it’s name, if not be disbanded all together.",4.697069317023448,6.813005811926607,5.2636085626911315,78.89635066258921,71.1559633027523,8.330682976554536,29.083588175331286,8.998388855275968,2.5777759429153924,929,37,164,19,18,298,133,218,0.174,0.754,0.07200000000000001,-0.971,0,0,0,0,1,0,26.0,5,2,7,0,10,12,2,1,9,1,13,5,1,0,5,33,27,21,0,7,14,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,7,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,7,7,0,4,0,2,15,5,24,23,10,18,0,1,0,4,24,8,1,8,7,106,22,0,0.0,0.2655561750883526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221639213562844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750938160427885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713832489052587,0.13662693749595553,0.1237664171158694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822825869024217,0.0,0.11443036679731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854936389119065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027374815389648,0.18883832061312514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566631698122982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854906712461925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511446079866968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996734692279143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866010676048212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4045702851203928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238028937733179,0.08309439424883433,0.0864310379168192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979939988751164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037511759791227,0.08523008921050272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884570117084362,0.0,0.0,0.12301315010237368,0.0,0.0,0.10732679731786147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911817489378407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690769622060955,0.0,0.11503258148407912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495187286088784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931981792527107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695995500476958,0.0,0.0,0.09246493489303086,0.06609853561832098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wamd2,2020/03/28,"Splitting when people show more love? Does anyone else feel like the more someone shows how much they love you, the less interesting they become? I have BPD and I’m in an “open relationship” with someone who has bipolar disorder. I get jealous all the time and I want us to be monogamous. I’ve told him and he hasn’t had sex with anyone else since december. The problem is that now I suddenly get the urge to have sex with others and that he isn’t enough for me. We are living together at the moment because I can’t find a room to rent in Amsterdam and he shows me how much he loves me all day long, something that I’ve wanted since the beginning. Now that he does it, I constantly think about small things that annoyed me that he has done in the past and I want to have sex with someone else as “payback”, even though I never thought about this when he didn’t show me how much he loves me. It sounds stupid when I write it down but it seems completely rational and justified in the moment. Sometimes, when he tells me how much he loves me, I also think about how easy it would be for me to get over him if we broke up. I really do love him and I don’t feel like this all the time but when I do, it kind of scares me. Does this happen often in people with BPD?",4.136565977742446,4.664173517374518,4.748675902793551,88.15264365205543,70.58301158301158,8.256279809220985,25.273904156257096,8.313332769828598,1.255314149443561,987,26,219,14,17,316,124,259,0.062,0.7959999999999999,0.142,0.9715,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,3,1,2,0,19,16,3,1,12,0,19,10,0,5,4,42,41,24,0,6,3,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,2,0,18,16,0,0,7,4,1,0,6,6,0,0,5,3,32,10,26,33,11,30,0,1,0,9,30,12,0,3,20,146,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507373060879413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128253522167407,0.1923770002843252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057226797605875276,0.10368022342451846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364706223295971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842867796314332,0.10144812930960947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060543162963036176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759164465732944,0.0,0.246458261534342,0.09606918364908952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352675891192505,0.0,0.0,0.0970004592188998,0.0,0.0620051437185616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493447807542993,0.1341320804743182,0.0,0.0,0.0858022517201858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471412157409695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301548335028372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775887594278804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917275208827548,0.0,0.08289547266647397,0.08307855342216798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5083681647615353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760427911691753,0.0,0.0724040457084528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961660999545698,0.13016555121587126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982800264823926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601402725132097,0.0,0.0,0.10078920536277901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398766414206017,0.0,0.0,0.08546246798906203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531272678902566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23862607374931524,0.07227141641143192,0.0928471586184481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205299387975233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236797959731636,0.12030570704604683,0.09223407837469688,0.07452817708213948,0.10948134505989036,0.0,0.0,0.08970388798283221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292296503148395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611398553757525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668781836635465,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,janedee95,2020/03/28,"DAE stalk their BF’s ex on social media Ugh . I thought I was so beyond this . I haven’t felt this insecure in like 5 years since my very first relationship . So it’s upsetting to realize all the progress I thought I made was an illusion . Because 5 years later , in a new amazing relationship , here I am succumbing to my old insecure ways . For context I’m 23 , he and his ex are 21...which only makes me feel more ridiculous . This is different , though . This isn’t just an ex . This girl was/is his best friend and he’s known her for ten years . They used to run amok together , party and make money together . Apparently , she gave him a plaque to stay when he got kicked out at 17 . They dated in middle school lol but he left her for another girl ( ???) then he cheated on that girl with her ( 🙃) . Yes I know that’s terrible but it was middle school . I understand that was so long along it’s silly to count her as a real ex but they remained friends all through high school , partying together . They have so much history and a past I just can’t compete with. To top it off , my boyfriend makes music and I just realized he dedicated a whole mixtape he put out to her a couple years ago . It’s under a nickname he has for her ... he barely admitted this nickname is directly related to a symbol he has tattooed under his eye . He got a tattoo for her!! He claims that it was out of commemoration for her being there for him when he wanted to take his life a couple years ago . I can’t be mad at that ... it just hurts now every time I look at him I’m reminded of their friendship and how much she was there for him . I would have been there for him if I knew him when all this was happening :( I feel crazy . Now about his friend , she is gorgeous and lives the LA fast lifestyle . She’s very confident, dresses well , and much of her Instagram are sexy pictures in her bikini or of her showing off her body . He told me she’s a stripper and she’s posted photos showing off all the money she’s made. The first fight we ever had was because I noticed he was liking her sexy pictures , before I knew it was his “ best friend .” So I felt disrespected that he liked those kinds of pictures , then he told me that was his best friend and he doesn’t see her “ that way “ . Oh okay 😒 also , he’s got photos with her and his other ex ( apparently the two girls are also best friends now) from when they went to a rave a couple years ago . Anyways , since I found out that was his best friend I’ve been obsessed , constantly checking her Instagram and Twitter , maybe she would say something about my boyfriend .. maybe. I feel so pathetic . He posted me on his Instagram on my birthday , opening up my gifts and she messaged him saying I’m cute. I feel like that was a condescending comment . I feel like I fail myself every time I check her social media I just can’t seem to stop it’s disgusting . I beat myself up about how I’m not as bold and independent or have the same looks as her . And I don’t have that extensive past with my bf that she does . I don’t know what to do . Any advice and brutal honesty welcome ...",2.4389288345366147,4.356899714748785,3.72155768380728,88.36167349344338,76.9740680713128,6.950805952556357,24.18414616177987,7.877588486780915,1.2188809724473262,2392,80,501,38,55,781,257,617,0.102,0.706,0.192,0.9965,3,0,1,0,1,0,80.0,1,0,7,12,34,40,6,4,22,3,42,3,2,9,5,79,82,42,0,4,12,5,7,5,9,2,1,2,0,4,31,27,0,1,20,2,4,3,9,14,1,4,32,13,94,26,62,46,15,70,0,2,4,0,105,29,0,4,38,325,125,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530857288795712,0.17773064376922326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689287906059672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04544882838229033,0.07008037670097507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148172610984529,0.0,0.05687008136876499,0.0,0.3506862963840205,0.0,0.0,0.07423655433509416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222288361906441,0.0,0.0,0.22184880138803245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982640870571924,0.0,0.0,0.0584861329656398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060454403230134464,0.11261960928969295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689642235923648,0.09549122003141804,0.12834059435821718,0.0,0.0,0.11369647292746687,0.0,0.0732790906168929,0.3614458381857761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035770700048668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591003267718215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706128839422841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154626081241884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959643285682303,0.07345949403725911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261440436001299,0.0,0.04720622470224662,0.16325648660218758,0.0,0.05901488884695464,0.059145227574749465,0.1122460138861416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647826988141395,0.13383492380625506,0.0,0.13428574829553191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739014792216032,0.0,0.0,0.06454786503027181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608997516119995,0.07013014000941313,0.0,0.0,0.05082961612583494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275995927787678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801535134401654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718576717162815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607074725996285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350756585679994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629679404648243,0.0,0.20291612333780187,0.053257361276915806,0.060842382421214175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057013143347164,0.0,0.0,0.13625594359449356,0.0,0.05145141790183182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123523696488873,0.0,0.05587549932191252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05025020531476184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566322270800523,0.10611609886500928,0.07794188514395911,0.0,0.0,0.12772386255027776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528626852191599,0.06957565784414073,0.0,0.05772237639251769,0.0,0.11028868300501353,0.03941991875264946,0.10609807462361699,0.0,0.0,0.0600910210171021,0.06195499222867739,0.0,0.07461681632049448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495269311439763,0.0,0.0,0.2582301135162327 bpd,BritAuroraThrowaway,2020/03/28,"What is it like for you to struggle with identity? Hi there, i'm suspecting that I may have quiet/covert BPD. The chances of me being actually diagnosed are slim (so i'm a person w/o bpd). Having said that, I am working through previous trauma and as a result have discovered that I have had a very unstable dysmorphic view on identity through out my life. I'v been viewing this subreddit and have noticed that a lot that one of the biggest struggles with bpd is identity issues and general dysmorphia, can you tell me a little bit about your experiences on that? What is it like for you to struggle with identity?",8.262985507246377,7.759919139130439,8.507608695652177,68.20518115942029,61.95652173913043,12.884057971014494,40.90579710144928,12.161744961471696,5.256188405797102,491,25,85,15,6,162,74,115,0.128,0.8140000000000001,0.057999999999999996,-0.7983,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,4,0,1,3,6,0,3,7,0,15,2,0,1,0,12,18,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,11,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,3,3,10,2,16,13,2,5,0,0,2,0,8,5,0,2,2,66,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.15848983698440114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17731089229793398,0.0,0.6136534067770529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16484388050199358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886925158928614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951502632773596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147157857729985,0.15869175102424704,0.16277862144563413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807613675831432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18490615051556064,0.0,0.0,0.11005398644288207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418111361876154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544901785407968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5093621359820684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195448814323894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400619317251974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823723858217945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dodgytacos,2020/03/28,"Am I a jerk? I have BPD, and recently while my fiancée and I were headed back home from a trip, I happened to notice the route she was taking was going to take longer than the regular way we normally take. Since she has a lot of anxiety, she uses her GPS to guide her even when she knows where she’s going. I thought I was being helpful by mentioning the faster route, but she disagreed with me, even though she turned in the direction I suggested. At some point, she decided that she’d rather take the route she was more comfortable with, but was passive aggressive about it by saying “Next time I’ll just follow the GPS like I wanted to.” I got upset by that, so I shut myself up and didn’t say anything. A couple of minutes later, she tried making a joke out of something, but I didn’t find it funny because I was still upset so I didn’t respond to her. She got mad at me for ignoring her and called me a jerk, even though I told her that I’m having difficulty behaving rationally right now, so I needed time to cool off and I didn’t want to respond because I wasn’t in a clear mindset. I told her I was sorry I upset her, but I needed some time before we could really talk about it. Her response was basically “fine. I hope you have a better apology once you’ve calmed down.” I just... UGH. I got pissed all over again! I didn’t react, but I could feel my anger building. I don’t think she realizes how much effort I really put in to control myself. I used to be really bad, super sarcastic, and loud and demeaning, but I’ve really been making an effort to wait until I’ve cooled off before responding. I used to split really bad, and would have a tendency to yell when I got angry, but I’ve been working my ass off to be better about it, and it doesn’t feel like she notices me struggling, and when I’m in a mood she always takes it really personally even when I tell her I recognize I’m being irrational. It’s like she can’t handle any display of negative emotion. I feel like she’s being petulant. But there’s still this voice inside of me that doubts, that wonders if maybe I really am being a jerk? I don’t know guys. I need some help.",5.384999999999998,5.0498531438356205,6.572023744292237,79.14946027397262,67.78995433789954,9.930374429223743,28.707214611872143,9.592334608150935,2.3582709406392692,1679,49,343,32,25,569,206,438,0.18899999999999997,0.6759999999999999,0.135,-0.9833,0,0,1,0,0,0,47.0,2,1,0,7,27,31,7,5,18,2,38,3,3,8,2,65,77,31,0,12,12,0,3,4,0,1,0,5,1,2,13,15,0,3,11,1,0,5,11,16,0,0,24,10,76,14,43,43,7,41,0,0,0,1,46,17,2,8,22,239,89,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842060209650362,0.0,0.0,0.055918120385593635,0.0,0.0629044881669711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766695315589713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322855111402327,0.13731453077227207,0.10025131850509296,0.0,0.13994059558887365,0.0,0.0,0.1454486456468023,0.0,0.0,0.10356377024418773,0.0,0.08396437304899212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222612390909384,0.1313053461851164,0.09098414212916983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249586359152676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172442866607444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473142387157073,0.1174879469404478,0.0,0.0,0.07515525265711699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346457038347146,0.0,0.26306219937101905,0.0,0.0,0.08141902740983094,0.07271428780202359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439004417032203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023190407219174,0.0,0.08248177295748521,0.08167133834741666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903811380238104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069053828648136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699076309795751,0.0,0.0,0.10977616875320924,0.0,0.08260946328580225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06044732305555114,0.18291391294797013,0.0,0.0,0.08745081851614256,0.0,0.08056635690979201,0.0,0.18723511882030144,0.0,0.08757054458632926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179865261403419,0.0,0.0,0.07773240079497364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826622368634147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3687432555076364,0.0,0.08119060841745661,0.0,0.0,0.07022259006273286,0.0,0.13078262163541216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802016840281201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330342679119977,0.0,0.0920479429842139,0.0,0.0,0.13133538626813918,0.0,0.0,0.08596295993692872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30912755402145403,0.06609205975277396,0.07187123137999049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05268862779163885,0.1615779382213086,0.06528015135254098,0.1438440947223066,0.0,0.0,0.15714548815481547,0.0,0.05582767465802551,0.08944086857201389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21305676561623368,0.0,0.0,0.09700086188623948,0.06526906325922914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917317407709514,0.059863242388618315,0.0,0.0,0.058412684259382966,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Hexepill,2020/03/28,"Public File with DBT Books Heya! Y'all seemed to really like the free book so I made a file with four more self help books along with it~ 🐱 ↓↓So here's the link, I'll add any suggestions y'all have↓↓ https://drive.google.com/folderview?id=1XSMOiJ8SIYbR2sKnKQ2nU8Jc-uRjPaZb Enjoy!!",8.232727272727274,12.374387727272731,4.469272727272728,78.69390909090913,69.45454545454547,6.247272727272727,13.345454545454547,7.554174236665415,-0.31886727272727233,236,2,38,3,5,62,38,44,0.0,0.7170000000000001,0.28300000000000003,0.9248,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,8,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,4,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,16,4,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32518524784667874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205203322209848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233619228252744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4524744531658057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063404290497338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43532574791156586,0.4988559224601848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,borderlinepnkdisrdr,2020/03/28,"I love my gf but my bpd hurts our relationship and i think its making me want to leave her Long post ahead I got diagnosed with BPD a few months ago, and im struggling to get coping skills (my group therapy sucks and doesn't meet enough so its been hard). When i have episodes the little coping methods i have just leave my brain. This is severely affecting my relationship of over a year. I was unemployed for months, bitched about my job constantly before i left, kept flaking on interviews to the point where talking about jobs at all gives my gf a panic attack. The flaking and quitting talk got so bad she told me if i quit/kept flaking We would need to re-evaluate our relationship. I have a job now, but my bpd just keeps getting worse. I raise my voice at her, I struggle to not snap at her, I constantly forget talking about my job issues makes her anxious, and I dump my problems on her without thinking about it, even though she has her severe depression, anxiety and ptsd that constantly drains her energy. I do it so often she doesn't have energy to focus on her problems, and just puts energy into me. I do the same to her, try and help her leaving me with no energy for myself. I cant even recognize when I split, which turns small arguments to me hurting her feelings and making her cry and I fucking hate it. I feel so guilty I almost dread going to see her. I feel like i want to break up with her and am not sure if i love her romantically anymore, but i cant tell if its legit or just the BPD making me freak out because I feel like crying when I think about it. Im worried if i do break up with her, she'd kill herself ( not in a toxic, manipulative threat way. Shes severely depressed, has no actual friends, scared about moving next year and wants me to move in with her, which terrifies me because of these mentioned issues, and no energy to take care of herself as i mentioned before) and that makes it all the worse. I feel so fucked inside over all this. My lack of identity makes this even worse because i have no idea what i want and i just want to leave this state and just...run and explore things, just try and find myself, even though having no plan and just going is stupid and unrealistic. i dont know if Im mentally healthy enough to be in a relationship. I cant lean on her for help, my friends arent much use at all, and i cant go to therapy because of the quarantine so i have no idea what the fuck to do or how to approach this. I don't know if this is a rant or seeking support or even what im asking for. I just want this to stop and someone to help me because this is eating me up so bad",5.352340669279472,5.146947555140186,6.0726077781127525,82.26348507687669,67.8411214953271,9.37051552607778,29.968344889960807,9.023248300946321,2.1877259571902314,2062,68,436,33,31,677,223,535,0.295,0.6,0.105,-0.9992,7,1,1,0,0,0,51.0,3,0,0,4,35,34,11,5,15,0,33,8,1,10,5,102,81,49,1,17,25,0,6,2,4,1,1,1,0,0,25,30,1,3,14,0,0,8,19,25,0,0,6,8,91,9,60,72,10,52,0,4,1,5,53,23,5,12,18,305,116,6,0.0,0.0,0.05387533597729759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04893882602729245,0.0,0.05528313667361031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042234197659435625,0.062369663505911076,0.05475179774244527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05161230703668603,0.06280741029514751,0.0,0.0,0.0921932473046309,0.16827233337168593,0.0,0.09395639241180427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781316799678531,0.06163072021752535,0.0,0.0,0.05628854031898897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17898167448777072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212874482429354,0.0,0.0,0.09510165414387707,0.05603526140745848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470371531349585,0.0,0.0,0.05649187269236908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408986204891927,0.0,0.1823228041944094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957487411051347,0.07888163974108181,0.0,0.0,0.05045938514657722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530758978769552,0.15311754856368884,0.05768811522741945,0.05296083108090133,0.09412844587301816,0.0,0.08831024024447162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04945579193132981,0.05450676549976745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101487733124962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820325195069968,0.12464689929432278,0.2385377470511227,0.11524624127799532,0.219142872096668,0.04907167286136668,0.06107980310583722,0.0,0.060682074669301624,0.0,0.0,0.2338304689680776,0.05998397845220959,0.0,0.0,0.05394397247123443,0.05533321938597244,0.0,0.04885760735301816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965529073221308,0.0,0.2211118098813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563698030917616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813347516333933,0.11735536953151733,0.04058445214808006,0.04093625420176622,0.0,0.0,0.05871465236131559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477504363947917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521896874989781,0.0,0.05287428950391625,0.0,0.0,0.1056537722892629,0.06453554719354347,0.055499589177066586,0.0,0.11744164352134648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370922081906835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055273138512000435,0.0,0.04399386649813577,0.0,0.0,0.18710899051773325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04677781262508715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046156610067543534,0.0,0.11543140234221567,0.0,0.0,0.06264972351094879,0.05203316848871183,0.0,0.0415097701259894,0.13312301856309458,0.048254486771634575,0.0,0.1262710028231498,0.0,0.03667794073257967,0.10612574644832326,0.10848374701228274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052753895639387635,0.0,0.07496562217039804,0.06005077590132034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04768224448379258,0.0,0.0,0.1953797110548678,0.04382177804896085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05321883016886494,0.0,0.0,0.05606670755715647,0.16878591991845945,0.039218391639729205,0.0,0.0,0.0711046690225699 bpd,toughguy420,2020/03/28,"DAE Just let go of it all All of a sudden, for a short period of time (maybe an hour, maybe a day) I'll feel happy, and content. Not because of any reason particularly but in fact, for no apparent reason at all. Just all of a sudden none of the consequences matter, none of the judgements people make about me matter, none of the fantasies I create matter, and the thoughts about the future or the past aren't there to attack me. The rapid self destroying thoughts just kinda fade away, and instead I'm left in awe of the beauty of it all, fully relaxed and completely present in the moment. I always know that this feeling is impermanent and that in about an hour I'll be back to being a high strung, self hating, character playing, slave to my own fears, and the judgements that people will make about me. But in that moment, that rare and beautiful moment, I'm actually me... and it's amazing. This only happens to me no more than like 3 times in a year and I guess I was wondering if anyone knows what I'm talking about.",6.546363636363638,6.099395621890551,6.976164631388514,77.59265943012214,65.41791044776119,9.49814563545907,30.71053821800091,8.841846274778883,2.346966169154229,804,25,154,11,11,263,111,201,0.083,0.738,0.179,0.9608,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,0,11,9,3,1,18,0,7,0,0,4,6,39,23,13,0,1,8,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,11,9,0,0,9,3,0,1,7,4,0,0,3,2,10,5,30,16,10,29,0,0,0,0,3,11,0,5,18,108,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.14300460447193594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193532393709497,0.0,0.0,0.09965410876615574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246611207357882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671355647691866,0.13768175630862567,0.11268234458514913,0.0,0.08933111243158784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15364730625282072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450796346954192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490135756593485,0.1481928552598174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328363327083606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143338253370335,0.0,0.1295872875466553,0.15599750361744025,0.0,0.1446806465322724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548304822620754,0.0,0.0,0.2886302193151073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16107214793568414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592191483840773,0.14984991090210814,0.0,0.07159339526109469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956368737973996,0.0,0.29444381830538136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145238005562502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398916556256858,0.2031886105258983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013407484491176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057521378025572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778552758506278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326771807885461,0.17090053530625032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891938296966845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436873928698396 bpd,the_unstable_one13,2020/03/28,"An honest individual Do you feel like you are oversharing your emotional problems and thoughts, with no filter, telling yourself ""I'm just honest and direct and a no-bullshit person""? Like, normal people don't do that. Or do they? Also, do you worry afterwards that some people have lost the respect for you in a way or pity you so you completely distance yourself emotionally and act like you're a badass, trying to prove how ""still cool"" you are? Is that lame? I feel like such a disappointment when people I admire or really like, don't see me the same way or don't care as much. I want to just run away and find new people for whom I'll be good enough. Also, do all of you go to therapy and, if not, how do you cope with your everyday struggles and planning your future? I really want to start living and I don't know how to control my emotional states and... have a will to live.",3.5430788177339916,5.2366375114942585,4.7192118226601,83.3648275862069,73.3103448275862,7.730049261083742,24.497536945812808,8.418075326091056,1.5470226600985226,693,21,136,12,14,228,99,174,0.13,0.677,0.193,0.8788,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,12,1,3,11,18,0,1,8,1,17,0,0,4,2,36,29,22,0,5,8,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,11,0,1,6,0,0,3,6,6,0,0,2,4,20,12,14,25,5,15,0,4,1,0,16,2,0,6,12,95,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078471081251898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209534088763972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249598271614346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625349310154353,0.0,0.14575360177528013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4385396901555359,0.0,0.1342764291315373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141651926273765,0.18567723228434144,0.0,0.0,0.1187749013273437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385541750186729,0.10899860686281147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714188986870137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.317442929044015,0.0,0.2295021724733506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185930579603687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553057940182792,0.0,0.0,0.12550964292571432,0.0,0.0,0.12732657737074246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603728385195095,0.11347015116262232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434769411146968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16650273833957085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355590218044616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198156769929602,0.0,0.10378082032373813,0.0,0.0,0.1358553357660521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358485420013655,0.0,0.14861284830619553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316835166407852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822971534796771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15329956845157858,0.20630165621854168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197381693229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Little-Bit-Psycho,2020/03/28,DAE get frustrated that they have things to live for? Sometimes when I'm sort of suicidal I remember that there are people I love and things I want to finish doing and I just get like... mad? Like I wish I didn't have things to live for so I could just end the suffering. And it puts me in this really irritable mood. Is this a thing other people experience or is it just me?,1.3049675324675327,3.499171363636368,3.3351785714285747,88.29419642857144,82.11688311688313,7.486363636363637,18.715909090909093,8.472884824447931,0.9545597402597408,293,7,64,7,8,99,51,77,0.21100000000000002,0.6659999999999999,0.12300000000000001,-0.8666,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,6,7,2,0,2,0,8,1,0,0,0,12,14,6,1,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,10,3,7,12,0,5,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,2,5,48,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334305796086446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18120001370623776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001216503544841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21377258225453208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19989805953587614,0.0,0.361301471376684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846443478970313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836644973729168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056626472484934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106125249711814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317529126482732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233804056440852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22378084279397745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5436640161511463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206684865900289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23526061209706706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,disgustingmoon,2020/03/28,"My boyfriend has bpd Hi everyone. I need help, because my 22 years boyfriend just told me that he has bpd. I already knew that he has depression, like I do, but... bpd is new to me, and I want to deal with this the best way that I can! He told me that the trigger for this was the sexual abuse that he has suffered when he was a child. I’m a 16 years girl, and I’m here to ask for some tips and advices to deal with all this new world of bpd (that I almost know nothing about) and obviously with him too. I want support him, understand him, and be able to help whenever I can. Sometimes he gets really aggressive, and starts to shout and get really angry, I kinda of get scared. I would like to know what is the best way to calm him down. I really love him, and I want to be there for him in the bad days.",2.664745098039216,3.3473204352941184,3.956176470588237,91.93112745098044,74.05882352941177,8.019607843137255,23.57843137254902,8.344100000000001,0.9865490196078436,614,16,149,10,12,202,86,170,0.11900000000000001,0.71,0.171,0.7759,0,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,0,2,6,12,1,1,7,0,14,1,0,1,2,28,33,10,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,2,10,11,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,5,1,23,7,20,25,4,12,0,2,0,1,23,3,0,3,9,92,33,0,0.11465065609326194,0.1358422796564921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203529421750676,0.0,0.0,0.11480607082444168,0.0,0.12651984996808255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718288674627843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957285088767694,0.06988997580553605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406375803730137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.577593951251916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394018836802438,0.2363995842774757,0.09874844209387444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955361514303924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797007073322189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536958360944104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601800443033612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120250386776729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347669338464126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501200875996533,0.0,0.22146063617666129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001039666677906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22034443827353234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478530771802327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133924304859214,0.0,0.08115032448649921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010420586288993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21910723028607848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119355376365639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028717823796307,0.18200870851611933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144453660062922,0.0,0.0,0.1476625271092914 bpd,Stank85,2020/03/28,"Rant! Made me so frickin mad one moment and then within a few minutes it seemed like not a big deal! Vent!!!! Aaarrrghhhh!! There is a specific reason why I ALWAYS f$&@$ing grocery shop because my ADD husband gets easily side tracked. He does buy things which are on the list but also other extra stuff too. I make sure we are within budget and do an inventory of what we need and make a list accordingly. Because I need to be home with the kids he went to Costco and instead of getting 12 items on the list he bought 30 items!!! Things like band aids, pizza kit etc I’m like why the f$&@ do we need so many bandaids?? Are we going on a survival camp to the forest or something?? We are literally sitting at home and watching tv and eating! So instead of spending 140$ as I initially budgeted it’s now 295$ I’m in tears 😭 I feel everything is out of control in this world and the one thing I can control is how I can budget and feed my family conscientiously and THIS happens! I tell my mom and she’s like cut him some slack it must be stressful for him too, and it’s not like he’s done something criminal. And then I calm down I don’t how how I calmed down I just became quiet and then thought rationally what I can do. So I say I’ll go back and return some of the stuff. He offers to accompany me and my mom is with the kids now. (Side note: my mom is with us because she was visiting us and now she is stuck here because of the lockdown) He drives to Costco and we just laugh about it a little. And I return the stuff while my DH waits in the car. The Costco employee informs me that while he will take in the refrigerated stuff they’ll end up in the garbage because they don’t sell it back to customers once returned. I don’t want food in garbage especially in this pandemic so I decide to keep the perishables and return the stuff that aren’t perishable. And then we return home all is well. But I just feel like I have ZERO tools as to how to react appropriately when something like this happens? I have to like force myself to act properly and I can’t just be me because “me” is a f$&@d up rage monster one moment and calm as a cucumber the next. I know the post says vent but if any of you has come out through the other side and found good coping mechanisms so as to not feel this way I’d appreciate it!",2.000970464135019,4.066158084388185,3.5542869198312235,88.34113502109707,78.915611814346,6.407426160337554,23.824472573839664,7.471455274886353,1.0223125738396623,1828,63,384,26,45,604,224,474,0.053,0.8290000000000001,0.11800000000000001,0.9841,2,1,3,0,0,0,52.0,9,1,2,3,29,19,3,1,28,0,34,5,0,11,3,80,63,50,0,6,12,4,3,8,0,3,1,3,3,2,27,37,4,4,10,3,8,8,8,4,1,4,8,7,51,15,48,49,8,57,0,0,1,0,38,25,0,5,29,264,78,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06128176748244259,0.06376311462099446,0.249088906321454,0.0,0.05211169458152688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784898783312216,0.0,0.2802812069848501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601080439745373,0.0,0.0,0.17189632156616455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900317612114471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706028751112114,0.07842009883976572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841262407685808,0.0,0.0,0.06787230351228687,0.0,0.0854637998296802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887098414960922,0.0,0.07224086850658554,0.0,0.1162407788511588,0.05474518783671965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092662485893422,0.08402191487355383,0.0,0.0,0.08007304905013611,0.0,0.08710230444855788,0.06427443077681631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552904609535266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306013648847908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811313651885133,0.0,0.0,0.042114382852549016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29950421064165994,0.07680437422037632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251008668276733,0.10230354917064087,0.07769178659837869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692478348645762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17046270333350408,0.0,0.0,0.08149791720452472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160949335121909,0.1557814069956306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339129663445537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878941090626801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188006299639205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976196666011822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17698281810042435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778052934336651,0.0,0.4386206948033047,0.0,0.0,0.0722237923046285,0.0,0.0576169605516666,0.0,0.06697885467261229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527306553053361,0.0,0.0,0.060836438815563186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843552686237967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04519893778531662,0.06082610550449743,0.0,0.0,0.06890045455067312,0.07103768672901062,0.13829508157068707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,swanceba,2020/03/28,"Long term relationships? **TL;RD:** Have you had any success in long term relationships, and if so, how? I've been dating my SO for about 3 years now, which is incredible to me. I was very sure she'd leave me at some point very long ago. I split with her for a long time, but after about 2 years I stopped splitting with her which was pretty cool for me. Her, along with maybe five or so other people, fit that description. Anyway, she and I are graduating college soon, and she's asked me about getting serious long-term. The fact that this is a consideration for me is something I never thought would happen after my diagnosis. Anyway, I'm pretty terrified to commit to her long-term. Though I am in the best place I've been in a very, very long time, there's always a constant fear that I'll regress into a pretty dark place. I also don't feel so comfortable having her commit to a guy who has all those problems she would have to deal with for the foreseeable future. And although I hate myself for thinking it, I can't help but feel I might miss out on some experiences committing to someone while I'm this young. Given the nature of BPD, I've always felt more stable when I'm not in a relationship. I don't have to worry about splitting or cutting myself thinking about their every word. But on the other hand, she is an amazing person who's been by my side all this time, and I do think we might have a shot to make it long-term. All-in-all, I'm not sure what I should do. These are the types of things about which I would normally talk to my therapist, but that obviously isn't going to happen anytime soon. So if you're someone with BPD, how have you dealt with long-term relationships before (if at all)? I'm curious to see what experiences others have had with this issue before. Thank you!",4.715567226890755,5.564837450980395,5.415731792717086,82.72847163865545,69.44817927170868,8.190896358543418,25.79936974789916,8.344100000000001,1.4933605042016809,1418,39,286,20,24,460,169,357,0.079,0.74,0.18100000000000002,0.9916,0,0,1,0,0,1,52.0,1,3,1,2,22,14,2,1,15,1,35,1,1,3,11,61,58,26,0,9,11,0,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,23,16,0,1,8,0,0,1,7,6,0,1,10,6,40,8,46,41,9,42,0,1,1,0,27,15,0,9,26,201,63,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636213150799951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059868454423921726,0.12458515080225127,0.0,0.0,0.050909866672845486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998743094265641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740694813096076,0.0,0.07856480894394738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885763576784012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090103764275995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718116241195093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630758756359969,0.0,0.0,0.14646208012995948,0.0,0.08424244852314698,0.07570664768925042,0.0,0.07188086888106181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03911318067821702,0.0,0.04254675214443728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412680901082548,0.1324034023921041,0.0,0.0,0.07391238069654567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05017954377499951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813822725567426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926982312358133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5962679746888725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049972084867515525,0.0,0.07521062462033379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883705865575454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057739481912682314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335050713992007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05190104652678063,0.06536807401008682,0.1564332144076557,0.0,0.0707703716316588,0.0,0.0,0.2284898165463548,0.0,0.07163442710156287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32150228308904577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05965665691421537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686349898754765,0.05763371507573972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625893850734703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111625677739334,0.0,0.0,0.06017258675623025,0.0,0.06892441434879105,0.0,0.08692249762551976,0.04973609961507135,0.14390886161144556,0.07355318128897048,0.05943339616610674,0.1309608340461218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470814913018451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602769666059388,0.0,0.15954302185813554,0.0,0.0,0.0964195053203164 bpd,babyeshona,2020/03/28,"Vent I am not diagnosed with bpd but I can relate to some symptoms, like I get angry and irritated very quickly and after giving the person who offended me harsh reply I always end up crying, I get in trouble because I just can't tolerate injustice and just have to talk while most just ignore it. I remain depressed most of the time because I feel nobody likes me because of that every one talks about me behind my back (I am sure it's not the case but my bpd just doesn't agree). Also since I am soo bubly and people pleaser except when I have my anger bursts most people like me alot when they first met me but the more they spend time with me the more they see ME they start to drift away :( also iam excessively indecisive and change my mind very quickly. Aside from that I have always been very intelligent academically successful. being good looking helps me only for first few times :( I can't help shake the feeling I'm a toxic person and don't deserve any happiness in life :( I just wanted to share it to someone who can understand what I'm going through and what's wrong with me. Lots of love also sorry for my crappy English if anyone got to the end",5.207874818049491,5.985978200873365,5.925572052401747,79.77077438136828,68.30131004366812,8.2027365356623,27.057059679767104,8.238735603445708,1.736145618631732,924,27,174,12,15,302,133,229,0.225,0.596,0.179,-0.9411,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,4,3,14,17,2,2,9,0,14,4,0,0,1,36,30,17,0,2,12,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,9,10,0,1,3,0,1,3,6,8,0,3,3,4,32,9,24,26,9,22,0,1,2,1,16,4,0,8,18,126,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28434479760585224,0.1972387619402996,0.0,0.0,0.08059868297656153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287298722663385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135484894471152,0.09113571613575576,0.0,0.21674881547670893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29854735560529444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538002958942385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019030031108866,0.0,0.0,0.10208239263368137,0.1202968257034346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20994973652670232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998594739311382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198560612137443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20162865145727046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384518191520084,0.11369662076387185,0.0673584986935534,0.0994102093835188,0.09479246916749123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616833861512747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15888492368756876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837152391980972,0.1737108516440119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952820799355387,0.0,0.0,0.10076273930725416,0.10697027941447658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967292638974912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031323446627689,0.0901409400807097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643357670545616,0.20697680108982008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444628894765866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804220798743092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042288071487483,0.0,0.0,0.1326751136138087,0.08389012637491862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170510930552853,0.12318921758663146,0.0,0.19052618130040674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20733251598279026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233850593968386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933779454990525,0.06990705035962244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295846523449614,0.0,0.0 bpd,sophiaportillo,2020/03/28,"Does anyone else feel confused when you say things sometimes almost like what you just said is a blur and your mind was taken over? I constantly argue with and hurt my mother who is Bipolar but I love her so much and don’t want to hurt her anymore. Sometimes we’ll just be sitting in the car happy and then she’ll say something to trigger me and I get angry and lash out at her. I always end up ruining the mood and make her disgusted of me. It feels like whenever I get triggered words just come out and I yell things that I would never want to say to her. It just seems like I have no control and finally after my mood changes back I sit there questioning and wondering why I said those things. I try to work on not saying mean things out loud to her but no matter how hard I try I can never fix it. The thing is after almost every impulsive anger episode, I sit there trying to believe that I’m a good person and I would never say those things but it’s so hard because I constantly do mean things and it makes me feel like a shitty person. I don’t have control but want to fix it because it doesn’t feel like my true self but I can’t gain back control so it makes me feel like the shitty side is my actual true self.",2.7957480314960605,4.185143889763779,3.8110314960629954,90.35946062992129,74.66929133858268,6.654803149606299,22.936220472440944,7.1686216300943375,0.6729675590551176,964,26,207,10,20,311,125,254,0.161,0.6729999999999999,0.166,0.0776,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,1,3,0,5,13,20,3,1,7,0,18,2,0,9,5,63,41,23,0,5,10,1,7,6,0,4,1,9,0,4,21,17,0,3,10,0,0,2,10,7,0,0,4,16,37,11,20,32,1,27,0,3,0,1,27,9,0,7,19,139,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0790136332336951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215663089238302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737232692174024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029905312386372,0.05661509871070833,0.08296185659712116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451964717976732,0.0,0.09871536346807123,0.0,0.0,0.09122383846487256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565399883733724,0.06974724369515026,0.0,0.17499649424600755,0.2724393697368199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085613117426923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763884096198106,0.0,0.07171411008294394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821950267521966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204700680033893,0.2313758174612851,0.0,0.08869709811665591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846054599166344,0.0,0.0,0.06791258533626654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619253611948809,0.14506384912720288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733570329955485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373428867974066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730772852630599,0.0,0.162141424574703,0.0,0.0,0.17639699388923946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175516253597194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059521206853728435,0.0,0.18734383158813075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139724434551154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070331603671897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540392814793798,0.321947237766032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371073468518287,0.16893573018825747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062333552093384814,0.1601599494195143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765433872417471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16491700890191022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327206086566116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306153018583322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780694779764753,0.05894607491341367,0.0,0.0,0.11503548170327027,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_discussing_,2020/03/28,"You cant just assume I had friend who had B.P.D she hurt me alot and to be honest I do not think it was her B.P.D doing what she did... Many people go through this and end up having a huge stigma about B.P.D and assuming that everyone who has B.P.D must be like that. Well no. they arent all like that and as in my case it might be their personally beneath the disorder and not the disorder itself.",2.4055574912892013,4.117274085365857,3.512717770034847,90.7425609756098,76.4390243902439,7.124738675958188,20.25087108013937,7.957251820313856,0.6191163763066201,313,7,69,5,7,101,61,82,0.11699999999999999,0.7140000000000001,0.16899999999999998,0.5994,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,2,0,3,6,0,0,4,0,15,0,0,0,2,15,17,6,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,10,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,1,1,0,4,0,10,5,7,8,2,6,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,4,3,57,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6001457464461815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318982623079687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501839570537417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20228449597064455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880055633432004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802879005542739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25582786500368104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26544834012454016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777537826418254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815157258373271,0.22861453081503064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677661833937931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354111302504681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,KayMae007,2020/03/28,I wish I was asexual. I want to stop being depressed and having anxiety and then dancing and having sex with men I'm not in a relationship with.,2.080919540229882,4.455093413793102,4.862758620689653,77.4164367816092,80.3793103448276,8.004597701149425,26.90804597701149,8.841846274778883,2.611266666666668,115,5,21,3,3,41,22,29,0.23800000000000002,0.629,0.132,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,9,7,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,4,5,0,4,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34740388841557523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911366413392117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4875596057409464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796682949406924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678543104070246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5222205962795387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ricky-blair,2020/03/28,"Feeling hopeless I have been struggling with BPD my whole life and when I become a part of an intimate relationship with a girl it becomes uncontrollable. I used to think I only experienced it in relationships because of how constant and consistent it is. But since I started seeing a counselor this past December (when I have the money, which ends up being every other week or sometimes every 2 weeks) I have noticed that I do show symptoms of BPD outside of intimate relationships, with my mother especially, but it is mild compared to what happens while in an intimate relationship. I was abused emotionally and mentally by my dad. He is a completely (COMPLETELY) different man now, but he really fucked me up growing up. I have absolutely horrible stories of physical and emotional abuse. I also thought that my dad just hated me or was ashamed of me. As I got older I realized his dad was absent most of his life and it caused him to feel like his feelings weren’t validated so he would split very intensely. Some days he would be a great role model and love me and treat me right. Other days he would hit me and throw me around for waking him up from a nap. I also realized my mom shows signs of bpd. Her dad used to get high and beat the shit out of her which lead her to meeting my dad and getting pregnant at 16. She gets incredibly jealous over people in my dads life and also split very intensely. I am currently dating a girl going on 7 months. Some days are incredible. I don’t overreact, I don’t split, etc.. other days, I can be so cruel... it is better than it was in some ways, in others, not so much. I can control a lot of the triggers now and have dealt with things that used to make me intensely jealous. But every other week I have a break down where I split so badly and can’t stop the rush of thoughts in my head and it’s absolute torture. I have NEVER hit he or have been physically abusive. EVER. And that will never happen. But after a BPD episode, I can only imagine that this shitty absolutely worthless feeling I have for myself is the same exact feeling I would have if that were to happen. I am losing hope of overcoming this and am really scared. Is there anything you guys have tried or helpful methods you can share with me? I am hurting badly..",4.3594131046496045,6.043214182232347,5.6000301487337545,77.91042442717408,71.1867881548975,8.536004287819912,29.540466300415392,9.088552180705676,2.6282661932198845,1802,73,328,37,34,601,219,439,0.18,0.72,0.1,-0.9936,3,0,1,0,3,1,45.0,0,2,0,5,17,24,7,4,17,0,46,9,3,9,4,72,74,38,0,6,12,8,5,1,0,5,4,0,0,4,26,23,0,2,11,3,1,5,7,17,0,0,11,7,56,7,47,53,10,51,0,4,1,2,38,19,2,11,26,248,82,2,0.0,0.25940995178888365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750874896552896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060056750722799375,0.06496813676531507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121871373847868,0.044488248430671576,0.16120250407246126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454534042972143,0.0,0.0,0.3676656473146616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497109883024522,0.0,0.0,0.15303737623358885,0.07886601676780602,0.08185386034712802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882655949562804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624911169245098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418652720503832,0.06463908014453014,0.0,0.08139257282827772,0.0,0.06601505976946277,0.18446771056951075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18450572205451612,0.052137299030442855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746931599019282,0.11438793072711155,0.0,0.04147651211664242,0.0,0.05836918981640229,0.08046128242577473,0.0,0.07226219011190765,0.19360930200821866,0.0,0.0,0.07205315562332472,0.07489906977999305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04891730509360322,0.07710792770873663,0.0,0.0724861247561691,0.0,0.0,0.07812715751793381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464490154735924,0.03565459634021745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164653568969099,0.0,0.062045429438637285,0.06586776986286641,0.0,0.04871506470024126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354720031306987,0.0,0.0,0.08547390455274556,0.05825235586209573,0.0,0.05364908043434468,0.0,0.1125741543340404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308880726192854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111009950220904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903079271580353,0.06966816554108866,0.05059550439541335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935063814922006,0.0,0.0,0.3134150709037011,0.0,0.06232496646909155,0.0,0.0,0.07306623342035848,0.0,0.058156026691319126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491345640147537,0.06037024141576122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217960171644155,0.0,0.05165598863605584,0.0,0.0,0.06101498369511615,0.0,0.07629508667889824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585470541908951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048485015526355514,0.046762971253022166,0.0,0.11587676388779446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04954898342542539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890952151036066,0.0,0.12043314649481332,0.0,0.05792854087931602,0.17562171631522008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814801457960486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20737307379767095,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CrunchySockTaco,2020/03/28,"Facebook BPD groups. What are your experiences? I just had to leave a group that I was really into. The group members were very supportive and friendly. I was able to be helpful and supportive in return. It was great for a while. The problem I ran into was with the admins. They had a very strict rule set as how things were to be posted and what would be allowed through their approval gates. I tried to speak with them and it was a waste of time. I felt like they were trying so hard to keep people protected that they went way overboard with their censorship and strict posting rules. It felt like being treated like a child honestly. Has anyone had better luck with BPD groups over there?",3.803142493638674,6.175308137404581,3.620171755725192,88.55152989821886,74.49618320610688,6.504071246819338,23.89376590330789,7.492282038375204,1.0713353689567424,550,17,104,7,12,166,82,131,0.057,0.688,0.255,0.9827,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,6,2,4,12,0,0,8,0,18,0,0,2,0,20,25,9,0,2,1,0,3,3,1,1,0,1,1,1,8,11,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,15,4,13,11,17,5,0,13,0,0,0,0,15,4,0,1,6,74,21,0,0.16147310211798666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290574743752507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280983685090065,0.0,0.0,0.4067394389673855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795167813043176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31007900079427564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247537181450081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780246651352075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464818294817644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082320166427753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435247124033501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709767002675662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23666280412024235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194511764897032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092931930818916,0.0,0.0,0.1545079513081345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344380397186848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664755254813173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727555406685613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941562643772876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21925927393062847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664644401572511,0.0,0.12816983250701794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14968718339315834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470585885498825,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,grrlfiend,2020/03/28,overwhelming sense of self hatred to the point that its disabling in all aspects of life. especially my interactions with others.,7.818571428571428,11.340600619047626,7.047857142857144,63.23464285714289,66.6190476190476,9.914285714285716,34.3095238095238,10.125756701596842,4.552980952380953,107,5,14,3,2,33,20,21,0.278,0.722,0.0,-0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44844365603561737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6001790391478337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6623317962539561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Hummerfisker,2020/03/28,"My dreams are too realistic and I confuse them with reality Things are going so bad right now and I've started hallucinating and dissacociating a lot to the point where when I think about suicide I can see my dead body on the ground sometimes. Recently my dreams have become so much more realistic and I struggle to separate them from reality. What the fuck. (Also I don't know what flair to put this in I just put it in seeking support just to see if anyone has experienced this)",4.902950310559007,6.617799543478262,6.2096273291925455,73.95152173913044,69.8695652173913,9.170186335403725,30.534161490683232,9.606745405546679,2.9119422360248453,386,16,72,9,7,130,64,92,0.20600000000000002,0.716,0.078,-0.9344,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,2,0,10,5,1,2,4,0,6,2,1,0,0,12,14,9,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,2,0,3,1,4,0,0,0,3,11,1,10,14,3,14,0,0,2,1,2,7,1,3,4,54,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17007020858481195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148702135671393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756856881920285,0.0,0.2348746636265102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362257690379905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966077759087916,0.0,0.0,0.12086390205723214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687655513861753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808023945138188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563351610868796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010396289804945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4275793686998339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20998360562667126,0.0,0.0,0.1816169744904373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389370974246895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103337013452864,0.0,0.15052722691869294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223263580571508,0.0,0.2326238448476127,0.24133268034261224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14128690839144736,0.13626881550540484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cihevb,2020/03/28,"Struggling in LTR Hi there! Hope you’re all safe and well. I wanted to ask how was your experience being in a long term relationship (with a non BPD but someone who has extreme anxiety/depressive episodes) I’m currently in my longest (2 years and 1 month) but sometimes I struggle and I feel like I’m pushing him away amongst other not-that-great feelings.. How was/is your experience? What did you feel/experience? Is this a ~~BPD “thing”~~ ? How did you cope? Any advice?",1.96507490636704,4.786355685393262,3.080028089887641,86.19022940074908,87.65168539325843,6.112734082397004,27.641385767790265,7.492282038375204,1.9382127340823976,372,18,70,7,12,119,66,89,0.059000000000000004,0.821,0.12,0.6251,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,4,0,0,6,6,0,2,3,0,6,0,0,3,1,15,13,8,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,3,2,9,4,6,9,2,10,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,1,6,40,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570222850738794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153136841455012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852543000630634,0.0,0.1593169690255932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4271359555187143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605073366273955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4976171560985722,0.0,0.0,0.25721966182272704,0.121141124835489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18695196030528854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16842166455152718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284353018915035,0.0,0.0,0.15006446445440252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353494723485972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18205514543196694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367644631493512,0.0,0.16770945761884914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545435913090245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265503637039798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001701302063946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246415065447266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919777548644474 bpd,Rainbowinthewind,2020/03/28,"Favorite Person Help So I'm in the midst of a major crisis just out the psych ward on a new heavy drug regime etc etc. But through this and leading up to this I had been talking to this woman and she has become my fp. We talk 24/7 and she knows everything about me. It's a very borderline relationship and I wouldn't say a healthy one as I rely on her far too much. My dilemma is do I slowly cut her out now before I do something stupid to hurt her which is inevitable as I'm not allowed friends or do I keep the relationship and try to maintain it at normal(whatever they are) levels. My key thing is I do not want to hurt this woman I love her but I also know she has heightened the crisis through no fault of her own. Please help. This is why I usually have no friends.",4.377577639751554,4.5296106397515565,5.12750931677019,86.97672981366463,69.93167701863354,7.930683229813666,28.522360248447214,7.554174236665415,1.4276032298136652,607,20,134,6,10,197,100,161,0.20199999999999999,0.722,0.075,-0.9568,1,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,1,1,6,8,2,0,8,0,15,2,0,2,0,21,22,12,0,2,6,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,3,9,8,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,2,1,24,3,19,19,5,13,0,2,0,1,23,9,0,1,3,97,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288321815292606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779230798430201,0.13708484065306364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868256803321132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593397588276901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478693250163469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489320215975838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21596482337426398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449232892492329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431937153418115,0.0,0.0,0.17707347681206653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453996827632967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842756012442356,0.0,0.0,0.15559207195068633,0.0,0.0,0.157844493265181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916601206438073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066692815307846,0.0,0.17684020461637576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459237497907536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811375263652106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402319910026832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25897330053559203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702815490766973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093768088140821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17742967460866144,0.13292495958940506,0.0950213741690136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453683353586631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kisertio,2020/03/28,"Some confusion with the term ""favorite person"" (FP) Hi everyone, I've been reading about the idea of FP and I'm confused. Most definitions mean someone who can ""make or break"" your day. As in, someone who can make you either super happy or super disappointed. But I experience this with pretty much everyone around me. Of course the stakes are high for my partner, but a colleague, friend, or even someone I've never met with whom I have a confrontation can make me feel like shit for days, with me going over the incident again and again in my mind. So in view of this, I'm not sure the term FP says anything about me..? Or is everyone my FP? Or just not all BPD people experience FPness (ie., the relative importance of relationships) the same way? Thanks for your input.",4.8129780564263305,6.487815137931037,5.501253918495301,79.09959247648905,70.03448275862068,8.858934169278996,28.35423197492163,9.339509955726095,2.5058965517241374,605,22,112,13,11,196,90,145,0.095,0.743,0.162,0.8989,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,3,0,2,8,12,2,2,9,0,7,1,1,3,3,33,17,11,0,0,11,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,5,7,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,3,12,7,19,15,8,16,0,1,1,0,13,6,1,9,8,75,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274758400690745,0.13278576895012287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18786426749307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923942492257868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852006808062726,0.0,0.0,0.4275919361438394,0.0,0.2918180384632344,0.0,0.0,0.07542076900621965,0.10656133433144603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524216061195945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477217954814073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878568052758324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759780074871022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838569726337502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287299940190999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29870030053547675,0.0,0.0,0.16248110322971426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150611058733917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965120370736403,0.0,0.11504289942278187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341012211621643,0.13024247039791342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517513384447746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492023257696776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014412319087615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861957785251125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311260886108882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791533350572273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058338244108215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373282926177499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839782126744358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kjints,2020/03/28,"Jealousy Hi. Anyone in here having problems with jealousy? I'm jealous of everything, but especially my friends. For better mental health, more money, better childhood and past in general... Right now everyone seems so lucky and happy and I'm here, unable to do anything because I'm a traumatized piece of shit, can't even earn my own money and I'm so jealous. I'm even thinking about deleting and blocking everyone who's doing better than me, because it's bad for my mental health, but my boyfriend is telling me not to and is kinda angry about it. Anyone with similar feelings? I hate it. Jealousy is the worst.",3.564736842105265,6.35778924561404,4.469385964912281,79.93986842105264,77.59649122807018,6.2561403508771924,30.552631578947373,7.492282038375204,2.3947157894736852,490,24,78,7,12,158,70,114,0.29100000000000004,0.541,0.168,-0.9537,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,4,9,13,4,0,2,0,7,3,1,0,0,19,16,10,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,3,0,2,0,2,7,0,0,0,1,7,6,13,16,4,6,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,3,3,53,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356524518387838,0.0,0.13866950838087486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069894969167854,0.20544446592131232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4471006432055175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22259875038554086,0.0,0.0,0.32203736935659205,0.15144607133995003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520380294581979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019053601829714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17938220482973866,0.0,0.16636890186907827,0.0,0.35823685251356346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396372260389826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608620204907725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124147078737694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390676079054754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534053260611555,0.0,0.0,0.17297326354289438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472853122148123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797451004327836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,poppycatt,2020/03/28,"upset over sweet cartoon babies so animal crossing new horizons came out and it's beautiful and amazing. there are a lot of villagers I got attached to while playing new leaf and pocket camp and I just love them so much they're so sweet and wonderful. pocket camp really let's you see all the villagers. well, I love tiktok because some of the videos are funny and some are cringy and either way I'm usually happy. but this horrible person posted a tiktok of her and her friends smacking Apples with nets. like why? she's such a sweet villager and I'm honestly so upset. like I see the trend a lot with people bullying ugly villagers and I know they're not real but I hate seeing it because animal crossing villagers are just so sweet and wholesome (except for when they're roasting your appearance after being attacked by wasps). this is stupid but these are my feelings. Apples deserves better.",3.8090336134453793,6.544602928571429,4.418879551820731,80.98298319327729,76.26190476190476,6.33389355742297,26.549019607843146,7.510576382923642,1.8329246498599443,724,28,116,10,17,230,102,168,0.13699999999999998,0.6,0.263,0.9634,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,1,1,11,20,3,2,7,0,8,2,0,0,1,33,22,21,0,0,8,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,15,0,0,3,2,0,4,1,5,1,0,2,8,13,15,12,18,7,14,0,0,3,2,10,2,0,6,8,79,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911603650973075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048611813921106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861042140594213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19218354940745155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496189786522013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982090753905134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439033457703628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788729145725294,0.0,0.16589655813294826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234585134249668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182384134317186,0.0,0.16418364368060848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28570915743261593,0.30331041625067584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352266481683903,0.0,0.0,0.3245722082179168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649205317362095,0.14671883638244174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092796118056574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19125690994871636,0.10764543703066412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016986312111448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18506322516667809,0.0,0.0,0.13337577606984596,0.0,0.0,0.1510807164299168,0.0,0.15162251206243355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18222325713342094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hardcoregorewhore,2020/03/28,"My FP is abusive, but I can’t stand the idea of him leaving me. He is so awful. He’s incredibly toxic, and abuses me emotionally and verbally, and arguably sexually and physically. But right now, he’s pissed at me and went into the other room to sleep and my anxiety is off the walls about him leaving me, even though him leaving me would probably be the best thing that could happen to me. Why am I like this? I feel so stuck.",4.028992248062018,4.970667558139539,5.779069767441863,79.1587596899225,71.09302325581395,8.989147286821705,28.286821705426355,9.2995712137729,2.3207193798449617,334,12,68,7,6,115,58,86,0.252,0.6629999999999999,0.085,-0.9579,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,1,0,4,1,8,2,2,0,0,13,12,11,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,14,2,7,7,1,9,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,2,51,18,0,0.0,0.4418674085584469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426472615226047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19568632150107787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887926603001184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20975103729446665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316014117836145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428365955842384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489274979859753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21049930893675506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5923270342639746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109868749872203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20104369249381407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924237620190854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660234042086754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388083812980864,0.0,0.18320354462275315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285740350945433,0.16825807412359478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324612867951223,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Traut__E,2020/03/28,"Can someone explain a FP to me... I feel like a fraud, bipolar 2 diagnosis but meds did nothing and its never felt right. I see FP around so much, and I get it at a surface level, but can someone explain the complexity of these feelings towards another from a bpd mindframe? Thanks in advance. I'm already getting the urge to delete this.",3.188974358974363,5.439762692307691,4.610384615384618,81.30378205128206,75.92307692307693,6.17948717948718,35.44871794871795,7.1686216300943375,2.6575641025641024,265,16,47,3,6,88,51,65,0.039,0.8690000000000001,0.092,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,6,0,3,1,0,0,1,12,13,5,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,4,2,8,11,1,9,0,0,1,0,2,7,0,0,2,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687943610599237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554127530067681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168360462957273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067779425876685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463206936887173,0.17401215963969102,0.23387306169475144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545188854901188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899989883672275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705602282557237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17905784385978218,0.0,0.18786235650450667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337196439092788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080142664932719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941001162087624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127656689100457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22425388090316173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,johnnyaclownboy,2020/03/28,"With my girlfriend, gonna die. Was interested in threesomes and exploration. She's really invested. Friend (female) here from other state, we had a threesome yesterday, felt kinda ignored. Now, she wants to invite another guy over. She wants me to choose who she's inviting. I am so unhappy and wanna die.",3.534920634920635,6.714251222222224,4.681534391534392,75.23833333333333,83.07407407407408,8.27089947089947,28.08465608465609,8.841846274778883,3.3246433862433857,242,11,37,7,7,79,46,54,0.19899999999999998,0.617,0.185,-0.4445,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,12,7,3,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,8,2,7,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,2,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365215222476177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6661462451426761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30814169538411124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24794856869510415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31776967860259075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20559501966417368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37858389723337305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,randerson2011,2020/03/28,"I grew extremely attached to my own therapist I started seeing because of my attachment issues, and now with these circumstances I won't see her again. I started therapy around last September, for numerous reasons(I have a history of depression and anxiety) but the largest being my struggle with losing my FP(closest friend, later relationship, and then breakup) as well as my main group of friends. After this, I still had some friends but no one I could genuinely talk to, except for my therapist. 10 years of therapy and she is the first one I feel genuinely cares for me and tries her hardest to work with me to improve. I thought about her constantly(should clarify I am a guy but not thinking about her romantically), therapy became the only thing I looked forward to every other week because I had so much I wanted to tell her and I loved being in her presence and feeling calm and safe. I got a phone call on Tuesday that we're not going to be seeing each other anymore. It was extremely emotional for me and also her because she really did care for me. The general look right now is that the virus will prevent me from seeing her for the next couple of months (I'm getting therapy on my college campus, where even summer classes are already being moved fully online) and her internship at the facility will be done by the time it's open again. She said that after discussing it with her supervisor they decided that bi-weekly phone calls were not doing me justice and she would only be calling me two more times to help me transition to either online therapy or something nearby (not an option so online it is). The one bright spot is that she said she wants me to look for her when she's a private practitioner in a while from now and we can continue, so maybe I can try and improve to get money and resources to do that. I am just so tired of everyone I care about leaving. This time it really hurts because I feel like I have lost the only person that I have to talk to. I broke down after that phone call and still haven't fully recovered. I just needed to vent after all this so thank you if you read this long.",6.7152052545156025,7.0268128152709375,7.138041871921183,74.01680008210181,64.935960591133,10.411986863711002,33.91174055829228,10.222266870305534,3.504895238095239,1697,69,300,37,24,555,211,406,0.071,0.77,0.159,0.9907,0,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,1,2,1,4,23,19,0,1,16,0,32,2,0,0,1,53,62,31,0,6,13,0,3,1,3,4,1,2,0,2,21,23,0,2,6,1,1,4,7,6,1,5,11,13,60,13,52,40,8,44,0,5,8,1,44,11,0,4,32,240,81,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538670462707634,0.061877823426690785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919268093046695,0.0,0.07673652806836183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068881338747388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867157120424333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160395379244369,0.0,0.2366709769659321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06177870361626332,0.08561543781246422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664411995098571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918285043754504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703795707594687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05110633644352695,0.0,0.06519289553479096,0.07393639954052231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737139257273795,0.055277665863539126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581626706915691,0.0,0.0,0.1793422826675417,0.0,0.08085187803665457,0.0,0.043974751676915114,0.0,0.06188491984428696,0.0,0.0,0.07661473213718265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051863723211478974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283296197646836,0.0,0.0,0.08076078588508394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307203651760633,0.0,0.0819303615819763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0378021665802653,0.0,0.0,0.0684756174698427,0.19492988930513835,0.08656432156439473,0.08446540492825139,0.0,0.06983515911574245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773492392361782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06176104867321033,0.08223879378710297,0.05688050584293281,0.057373568523617476,0.0,0.0,0.08229060514400889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729661188376795,0.17654455782959416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756202711862239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739726948525376,0.0,0.09913851711452147,0.0,0.0,0.08307322151410387,0.0,0.06607896334298195,0.14720521833102224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24663566937111395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05956807936995712,0.0,0.0,0.10953472975296988,0.0,0.12358567473936607,0.0,0.0,0.08089054068572582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438432674625735,0.0676303232269092,0.07123772914970118,0.4424328858542281,0.17967976663615806,0.05140539570508743,0.04957962816987315,0.0,0.0614281632790147,0.13535628141554498,0.08893270922088006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506689838571938,0.0,0.07558543153275017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127712878565716,0.0,0.12413324987913853,0.0,0.0695706135095853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05633089004344264,0.0,0.0,0.05496592504623905,0.0,0.0,0.04982781986363986 bpd,blueisthecolourthe,2020/03/28,"I don’t feel strong enough to say anything anymore, and I feel that the loneliness is inevitable now. Over the past couple years, I’ve had a lot of problems with people and never understood why until I had a therapist tell me I may have BPD. I spent most of these years in an abusive and co-dependent pseudo-relationship with a boy I met in high school. He also turned out to be a sociopath. A narcissist, more likely. We fed off each other in the most evil ways you could imagine. After our final fight, I called his ex-boyfriend crying and asked him for help. When the two of them first started dating, the ex-boyfriend and I would message each other sometimes because we didn’t know how to deal with the narcissist. The things he would do were unthinkable, and maybe we messaged each other because only him and I could understand it, since we were the ones who had to deal with his antics. The ex-boyfriend’s normalcy was often a topic of conversation between me and the narcissist. It was strange to us how stable he was. We didn’t have his healthy upbringing, so we were not sure what to make of him. Before I even messaged him, the ex-boyfriend was always very understanding and non-judgmental. We went out a couple times after and he listened to me. I loved hearing him talk, and just being in his presence. He really was very normal and healthy, and everyone else I‘ve ever known has had some sort of mental illness. It was a sigh of relief being around him. It felt like maybe it was my turn to be taken care of, instead of the other way around. I wanted to prove to him that I was not the needy BPD person the narcissist had spoken of me, but I failed. It was the first time that I started to see myself as the problem. I started to act crazy and I didn’t know why. I couldn’t stop saying and doing things that were inappropriate. I believe that I over-shared with him because I felt really safe and comfortable around him. I needed to release all my pent-up anger and sadness and it deluged onto him like a waterfall. It’s been a while since we’ve spoken. I really miss him and I know that I probably should not. I miss him and I don’t know how to say anything anymore. If I say something, I prove that I am that needy BPD person who can’t take a hint, who can’t move on. If I don’t say anything, I sit here alone wondering if I could have been happier. I don’t want to hurt him, either. I know that I am not the coolest person to be around and I don’t want to make him sad by proxy, or make him believe that he needs to talk to me just because I am sad. I just wish that he would notice how hard I’ve been struggling to be the person everyone wants me to be. I am losing interest in people altogether. I stay in bed all day. I play video games all day and I don’t go out anymore. I feel disappointed by others frequently, so I must have decided that it’s just not worth it anymore. With what’s been going on lately, I don’t have anything to distract me from him anymore. I want to talk to him, but I just go to bed thinking it’s not worth even trying.",3.710821256038649,4.826593834138488,4.689262479871179,86.02220289855074,72.01127214170694,7.5811916264090184,26.360386473429948,7.946510646118237,1.441490434782609,2405,78,497,32,45,784,253,621,0.13,0.7809999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.9812,0,1,1,0,1,0,68.0,9,1,1,5,24,29,3,2,30,0,64,3,0,7,9,125,112,39,0,23,18,0,6,3,0,6,1,7,2,5,36,45,1,2,20,3,3,6,20,16,1,4,33,14,90,12,68,62,13,54,0,9,1,1,71,19,0,12,28,361,126,2,0.0,0.07348583872384193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423600902821798,0.0,0.04959891067649592,0.051607209721031035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075454169615616,0.0,0.0,0.20415503726635675,0.2208506491413197,0.05798212713530833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512319582223202,0.0,0.05277608968461595,0.13975494029418728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343433284738189,0.0,0.06333131946021933,0.0,0.06323548565106163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855838001491725,0.13725215973766197,0.06812817182285909,0.07999802081300622,0.1278837617310821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051811359504729086,0.0,0.0,0.06408522759376131,0.0,0.08192979248109933,0.05610238160228607,0.0,0.1185292136494336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408044584968522,0.0,0.11910154786144413,0.06794198676661788,0.0,0.1055116347229311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574546709913482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05555946207367682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699032166147006,0.0,0.041571988678048184,0.0655295685557816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639575302786559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042813867091755,0.0,0.06996343240798246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090233850002452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938666900801005,0.0,0.052728822350537885,0.055977208428545235,0.0,0.1242003487902878,0.0,0.12461871910215383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250351226149012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591949039742476,0.0,0.09197694239410666,0.04783513176431664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06076831758420824,0.0,0.07061237220970931,0.0,0.0,0.04202766123354623,0.04717046845593289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920694493600093,0.08599638642650043,0.21662060897469146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687012473377256,0.11869321115304095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919849913892765,0.0,0.0,0.06658833593861516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24661161900787576,0.0,0.06276949886466572,0.04942344388239688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026103538543152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047747507656620385,0.06134126930337218,0.0,0.1316983123225433,0.06610711931966204,0.0,0.05185310610449706,0.0,0.06483878197167123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058454929914699014,0.0,0.04663276855831633,0.14955262087925789,0.05420989580747134,0.0,0.0,0.0720122347735676,0.08240922154888773,0.039741144933528746,0.0,0.0,0.07233096597616052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04210881556187652,0.134924087792059,0.06058640817382361,0.12913402161106366,0.07460473870823679,0.0,0.0,0.10234916647521536,0.18291069024149006,0.09846023369286916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057494945454152575,0.11193028007536547,0.0,0.07132215238848581,0.0,0.06726013152582043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217578717111542,0.0,0.0,0.07988017191810823 bpd,nouprightposturehere,2020/03/28,"DAE left feeling confused and hurt by pBPD/FP Bit of a ramble... **General rant:** Read message boards of pBPD/FB and it sets me off into a sobbing session, I don't know why I did that to myself. It hurts to see all that they say about us that you should escape and just have no contact. Does anyone else feel like the no contact from our loved ones/fp only damages us more? Especially, if we've asked for them to compromise and provide clarity/general communication with what to expect? It's like as soon as my partner knew I was mentally ill it's been made clear we'll never see eye to eye again and everything I say is discounted and invalidated and then I'm blamed. I fuck up still but I try to recognize and own up to it and mitigate immediately but when he's done something wrong there's always reasoning from him as to why it's my fault. I'm so confused. It almost seems like we're being manipulated by them because we are mentally ill. They know what sets us off and know that we feel extreme emotional pain that's often really hard to manage. Sometimes I feel the pBPD are just bpd. **Fight with FP:** A week ago I got into a fight with my partner because I texted him saying I'd be going back to my place after having stayed there for several days. He came back slamming doors and being angry when I was just asking him questions about his night and so on and so on it escalated and was a huge blow out. Apparently, I'm to blame and I'm the abusive one even when he comes home slamming doors, ""I'll do what I want in my house"" after he just made the point that he was having me live there, like we lived there together and preparing for the future. ""You behave only how I let you behave"" was another line. You started this, you shouldn't have said that in the first place. etc, etc. Now they're doing the no contact with me and I've been the one reaching out to try and fix it all. I'm asking him to make an effort and he refuses. He's given enough already as if a relationship doesn't constantly require giving enough each day to sustain a relationship. My partner, of a year and half, got into a fight last week and has since ghosted me in the pandemic. I don't have any family or friends because of my extreme depression due to my ex harassing me online, which is also still happening during the pandemic. I just have my dog and I have my two roommates and my coworkers who I somewhat interact with but I feel like I'm dying over here. This was the last relationship I had left in me, I've been in so much stress from this week from the no contact that I can feel it the physical pain and mental anguish fucking me up. I can't explain it's just an awful sensation. I've tried to explain this but it goes absolutely unheard. I don't know what to do anymore but cut them off for good.",3.1011450557906883,4.747756046017702,4.634199692189302,83.71434686417854,74.38053097345133,7.744901885340518,26.26490958060793,8.456263369488248,1.7807937668333969,2206,79,446,40,46,739,257,565,0.172,0.764,0.063,-0.9968,1,0,1,0,3,0,58.0,8,5,5,3,31,28,7,4,24,1,40,9,2,6,4,91,82,46,2,6,14,1,7,5,4,3,4,4,3,3,30,40,0,2,16,1,1,3,11,20,0,5,20,15,63,8,63,55,12,60,0,5,4,3,61,25,3,10,34,302,93,4,0.0,0.08561163790405309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405065411963333,0.0,0.07235402548796556,0.0,0.07973637964949265,0.0577831600620213,0.06012284582447031,0.0,0.0,0.04913661130890598,0.07576679868120273,0.0,0.0,0.07165861432135179,0.05052313029168506,0.07403489149624419,0.0,0.0,0.2026490393014024,0.0,0.0,0.11112092889715516,0.0,0.1321399048275018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888492382245678,0.0,0.0910040017275783,0.0,0.0,0.0826417048381821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06224221384302695,0.0,0.07808315167440373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319838638055801,0.0,0.06223405473986465,0.0,0.07499040196725715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323178142945153,0.07394305532450515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060360682088758284,0.08127836317884113,0.0,0.14931968920906907,0.16116925565117934,0.04772445854367312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493910447158634,0.0,0.06811660040861936,0.0,0.2192090667755267,0.10323951417690104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06146098366319384,0.0,0.0,0.05582486719464883,0.13359916095017094,0.0,0.06931461477149803,0.04106479468925168,0.06060497067967486,0.11557957377167008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389581179936196,0.0,0.06472725400972211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247873837557564,0.0,0.0,0.08337381357774908,0.15470325345131708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15884020486055928,0.11779669612497895,0.0,0.0,0.1570128819362925,0.07388673600954146,0.0,0.1765033513813334,0.0,0.12760688263819092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521393212743583,0.13674089756310606,0.048231493635799975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21845139767287436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053116531763998685,0.0,0.05572834236932609,0.0,0.0,0.06780743513535865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792517791086204,0.10990800772894152,0.1537711244208592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098444671927685,0.0,0.0683053496368012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094334476792625,0.0,0.07227563225988845,0.0,0.046289094262718086,0.07429128317641316,0.0,0.23272796244865898,0.0,0.0,0.06873207735614391,0.1723828018792251,0.0,0.0,0.11515747945755594,0.06577922033528026,0.0,0.08162880209973115,0.0,0.059770975006455764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05562625952574653,0.0714631094558289,0.0,0.051143224431323485,0.07701536595837674,0.11540759563558554,0.0,0.08276909406749594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471714033502204,0.0,0.07058368970893569,0.0,0.2607454981993899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04261850733059492,0.0,0.17387840383436576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039974469533347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900067915161509,0.0,0.04653054569919357 bpd,godlikenomad,2020/03/28,"I just realized I’m projecting my personality insecurities onto reddit So, what I’m fairly guilty of as a byproduct of BPD is feeling like I have no solid personality and that I am more like several different personalities trying to find out who is most successful. I’m NOT talking about Dissociative Identity Disorder. Basically: Since I’ve joined reddit, I’ve made several alts for the simple reasoning that I feel like a different person that day. I am interested in slightly different things, and I say/feel/do different things. I’ve since realized it’s a coping mechanism I started doing in response to BPD. My body is just trying to figure out what kind of person I want to be to survive the longest and avoid the most anxiety. I react so severely because unusual trauma has damaged my emotional response to anxiety. So each alt I have on reddit is basically a slightly different piece of my personality traits that are “shattered” as they sometimes say about BPD individuals. I’m not like, doing this for fun. I just start feeling so insecure and awkward as one person that I switch to another. A weird example is that when I use this account I use light mode. But I use dark mode in most others.",7.099517374517378,8.051058166666671,8.666357786357791,61.17243243243246,64.18018018018017,12.288803088803089,38.37966537966538,11.899873341045813,5.3201881595881595,971,50,153,33,14,340,116,222,0.157,0.723,0.12,-0.8543,5,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,2,10,15,0,4,8,0,14,1,1,6,0,31,28,13,0,1,6,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,0,7,15,7,0,1,8,0,1,0,3,7,0,1,1,5,20,8,25,26,6,11,0,1,0,0,11,7,0,3,8,105,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116470817149737,0.13301850867658974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05299812966052855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965713104039608,0.32849559718793003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606943835774026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4541716577439592,0.09964135986098302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977963750459254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758389422014308,0.12422063945588555,0.0,0.0,0.07946205365447279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053516533225488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16989897210966698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822652153610253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058913141522901065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5313917163787852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938932709775495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827717065736744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29465409855004737,0.0,0.14383618124125036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598639023908931,0.0,0.12307388490435787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987949095414576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551882711061992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805380255508675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252660664728984,0.0,0.0,0.05127976701043365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wisemind011,2020/03/28,"DAE get really emotionally caught up/overwhelmed by details in television shows? Okay this is weird and random but I'm just thinking here. So I don't binge watch tv shows much (particularly not dramas) because they are so emotionally taxing. Well, I was watching a television show and these parents told the children to stay behind and keep an eye on the room but the kids ended up leaving and I had such an intense lingering reaction to it. So like the plot was switching over to new things but I could barely focus on that because my mind was still stuck on the fact that they left the room. Kinda like suspense but I feel like I experience suspense differently than neurotypical people because it's a very unpleasant sensation for me. Anyone else feel this? Does everyone experience this? I find myself saying ""this is tooo much!"" when watching tv shows!...it's so weird to me. I would say its a sensory overload but not exactly! I think I have a difficult time reminding myself that it is fake. It makes it almost unfathomable to me that people binge tv shows. I'm beginning to think I'm becoming too emotionally entangled with televisions shows and that's my issue.",4.864266829865361,7.346457962790701,5.6175764993880035,74.94203182374541,71.69767441860466,9.17747858017136,29.92044063647491,9.682069395223575,3.2769534883720928,942,40,158,25,19,306,127,215,0.10300000000000001,0.8190000000000001,0.078,-0.7609,2,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,2,0,11,9,0,0,12,1,12,1,1,1,2,30,27,15,0,2,8,1,2,3,0,1,0,2,2,2,17,6,0,1,6,9,1,1,3,4,1,0,7,8,19,5,17,18,2,17,0,0,4,0,8,9,0,3,9,102,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381894026742325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344264827049292,0.1369277059019876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24439306468159935,0.14759243693313345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669889913261243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962304460998806,0.0,0.0,0.11694732843189125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116372234504072,0.4509735714320006,0.11836341394993395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276966329012762,0.0,0.2614467985598869,0.0,0.0,0.13514256147729656,0.0954708621096306,0.0,0.0,0.12214251674478566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982022828530406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948312998841594,0.0,0.1187834058372527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150312121526035,0.14519784716431194,0.0,0.0,0.19586601803732875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892042608870635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493606954889698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19647830078290487,0.0,0.0,0.12906820794097285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483889480801139,0.0,0.0,0.1852952306056844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561178867934705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21254826493511347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244010042774946,0.1067233097440727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878300789991399,0.2568890945651262,0.0,0.0,0.07792526859218396,0.0,0.0,0.1276966329012762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102651703890692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015642023765392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493245000200164,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwawaypleasebpd,2020/03/28,"Please i need help she is having another meltdown. Me (23m) and she (19f) have been going in a long distance relationship for 1 year and 2 months now and she has develop the habit to only want to masturbate when i do through voice calls, which has become incredibly hard to deal with as she wants to do it a lot of times (which i don't mind but i have a life and family and friends that could see me on the act). If i don't satisfy her i will find myself in one of the worst breakdowns she can give me not letting me get to do anything at all and be on the voicecall with her all day and night and the next days for the following week. I am already required to stay on all with her or she will feel alone, and when she does she loses her mind and i will find myself with very bad messages that i don't care for her, DARVO when i argue with her and other kind of stuff that just really hurts my heart. I am really on the point of breaking emotionally because she is not paying attention to any of my needs (she won't let me see her through pics more than once every 3-4 months, i have never hear her voice and i am not allowed to see other women or be on internet groups channels where women in any kind of lewd act because that will cause her to go on a meltdown and when i ask her i am being hurt and i really am just a normal being person she tells me she can't have empathy when she feels lonely or distressed so i feel stuck) and i don't know what to do. I have offer her paid therapy for months, i have looked for a lot of places that will charge only 40 dollars for a session but she refuses always telling me she doesn't know, even found a way to make it easier with a sliding pricing place within 5 miles of her zone and she refuses everything. She monitors me on social media too and i had to make a throaway account and i had to type this through a phone because when she hears me typing on the keyboard and knows i'm not typing for her she goes insane. Please i beg anyone, please help. What do i do?",4.972567300079177,4.523543876484563,5.854100356294537,84.33519645684879,68.66745843230404,9.011916072842439,28.23050277117973,8.472884824447931,1.7298193982581154,1576,45,345,21,24,521,199,421,0.11199999999999999,0.836,0.052000000000000005,-0.982,1,3,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,13,12,1,1,19,0,45,2,1,4,4,68,74,33,0,7,12,0,4,0,1,6,1,4,0,3,15,25,0,3,10,1,5,6,12,8,0,1,6,12,69,4,52,55,7,46,0,4,4,0,55,18,0,6,19,251,84,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218764680205443,0.0982248877541819,0.0,0.07406355553801665,0.0,0.0,0.12105987634889727,0.093334878366304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062237949900729526,0.0,0.07324774979444765,0.0,0.08321245261101969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431973750892035,0.16277924049956824,0.09830469133302193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088929088577197,0.0,0.09075175598153397,0.09143791868260168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106734303436384,0.0,0.0,0.11480833568494518,0.0917655317985603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789336135785242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012441165725912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05879034894972469,0.0,0.07499487038693331,0.0,0.07999656211654006,0.0,0.0839108253816446,0.0,0.13501858294404065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16270728577609234,0.0,0.0,0.0975950092092742,0.06876900278380499,0.0,0.04650411723669494,0.08538662384200778,0.1011730120361926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973558979839923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006417628085416,0.10547742823805506,0.1193232228181356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905743623206884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18538069859803824,0.14675291280338718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18203776953412906,0.06287048455113826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877116079428555,0.07474608832275106,0.09957956342635724,0.0,0.15134645270394415,0.0,0.0,0.11882990096661945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17974970726589629,0.0,0.2131411008306891,0.0,0.0,0.13199976162336066,0.06865009670637215,0.0,0.0946632791228582,0.08352997382559184,0.08721102513929756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479287953818508,0.060315565184203335,0.13539242400917972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772020900859662,0.18599327429738136,0.2931191683296939,0.08414333997326949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106649843590538,0.0,0.0,0.0955635645413306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127886394547056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907346144580662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487295146660113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189529913268017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559754734077633,0.0,0.10179083673879062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05190252044871387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344267609587186,0.10500095733466376,0.07065209518028001,0.07139855431353519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057319603028568165 bpd,MinimumRoyal,2020/03/28,"I’m starting to get bad - help please I’m constantly overreacting guys and blowing things out of proportion. It’s been really affecting my relationship with my boyfriend and combined with anxiety... You can imagine. Everything is either black or white for me and it’s driving me crazy . What are some ways you have found that help you stop before you react, calm down and react from a place of love rather than anxiety, fear or anger??",4.960705244122966,7.478654075949372,4.943074141048825,79.72430379746838,71.53164556962025,9.071247739602173,29.00723327305606,9.606745405546679,2.9899461121157325,348,14,61,9,7,108,61,79,0.18100000000000002,0.6679999999999999,0.151,-0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,4,0,0,1,5,1,1,1,0,5,1,0,3,0,18,11,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,2,8,2,10,9,2,8,0,0,2,1,9,3,0,3,3,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586155689977266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19570594253086215,0.0,0.0,0.1994487109559496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532924288597124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106547077937005,0.0,0.0,0.2637540261688693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25699664589526683,0.0,0.0,0.12245915284995078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320830491801769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142134858137842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115462159228576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448877664994527,0.2572899431322661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501562995870143,0.0,0.0,0.2516472487261571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590251876543802,0.0,0.0,0.19596061840516926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571836703923214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860479509548493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bunniesandbabies,2020/03/28,"Elementary Education student, getting diagnosed tomorrow Hi, (hopefully I used the right flair.) I’m going to a psychologist tomorrow to get a proper diagnosis. I have all of the symptoms but I could have CPtsd but everything just aligns perfectly with BPD. I’m afraid though this will affect my future career as a teacher because of the stigma around the disorder. I’d never ever hurt a child and going to work at the preschool makes me feel so much better when I’m sad. I love my kids and would protect them at all costs. But obviously others don’t understand this and think otherwise. Would the diagnoses affect my ability to get a job around children?",5.999916666666671,7.9004931583333375,6.916666666666668,69.22166666666669,67.41666666666666,10.666666666666668,33.333333333333336,10.746095033038511,4.212083333333334,529,24,85,16,9,176,82,120,0.059000000000000004,0.745,0.19699999999999998,0.9647,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,3,7,7,0,1,11,0,7,4,0,4,6,27,22,10,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,3,6,0,1,3,0,1,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,9,4,12,18,3,13,0,2,0,1,6,5,0,1,6,57,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32139365769260225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004041057172656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965105419798142,0.0,0.0,0.2273526167627895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441267249142351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664383234141503,0.0,0.0,0.2068860961558389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328636296547253,0.0,0.0,0.16223545175566867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127392569456276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829352762960994,0.0,0.20518193380937413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929235720197656,0.0,0.0,0.19324529046075575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791335148223652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629220455925332,0.0,0.12049531976959092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269946662410675,0.0,0.1392244761219038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415902268698053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18762444516379845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566687243835658,0.17735529992358756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879227237932098,0.0,0.15590720277195766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141723957004495,0.0,0.0,0.25646568461531355,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,globiexd,2020/03/28,"DAE laugh or become instantly happy after a breakdown? I’m definitely not proud of how I act when something’s really frustrating me. I don’t even know how to communicate it. I just get to a point where I’m so mad but not angry and I just go *berserk* I guess. This happens a lot I think, I don’t like to keep track. Even when I’m at my therapist appointment I get lost and say “oh nothing much happened”. So uh it’s been a long week, I’ve been working non-stop (I work at an “essential” job), I’ve barely talked to my friends, and I feel so pushed away from the world even though 35 hours of the week I’m out of the house. Everyone else around me is doing nothing, they get to lay around and watch me go crazy with all the schoolwork I need to get done at home as well. I feel this anger, that with everything I do it’s not enough. It’s weird tho, I’d have a whole attack about my shows and how I need new ones and cry the whole ride. But when I arrive at work I’m happy af. I love that place. Today I had asked my sister to do something again, after she lied to me and was in bed playing games all day. (SHES 22) I just started screaming and yelling and throwing things, in the moment I didn’t even know why I was so angry. Again not proud to admit this, but I literally flopped on the floor and decided to give up. I go down and chill and start again, and again. Three times of me yelling until I can no longer breathe. Fast forward 1 hour later, I eat some dinner, hang around my cats and now I feel kinda happy. I’m joking around, laughing. I bump into her and she tells me I’m this awful person and how she won’t do anything for me again. I feel so awful. But I’ll just wake up and go to work and get worked up and then have a good time by myself and fall asleep. It’s my schedule at this point. I’ve already started with DBT. I don’t want to sound like a failure to my therapist. Anyone else feel this way?",0.8028571428571425,2.7036502586206943,2.377366995073892,96.09629679802956,82.12807881773398,5.340788177339904,19.509605911330052,6.385866456164764,-0.13114660098522135,1479,38,346,13,40,482,204,406,0.128,0.735,0.13699999999999998,0.4761,1,0,2,0,2,0,47.0,0,0,1,8,36,22,4,0,15,2,20,6,3,4,2,66,59,42,0,3,13,1,5,2,1,1,0,5,2,1,14,29,2,1,10,4,0,11,10,7,2,2,8,11,49,15,47,50,8,67,0,1,1,1,17,26,0,5,33,215,63,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272847743820707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05875527542075864,0.0860979993815567,0.06914899542783852,0.2992157476434686,0.07855609928340489,0.09559551669279452,0.07894834056471421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280381541546673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230229545087433,0.05419197928697197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599119959435106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859830031773786,0.14039147931788062,0.0,0.0,0.08682478119002081,0.0,0.2220023731587016,0.0,0.0,0.0802936450891153,0.07552016169183047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124388212350341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492086749994345,0.0,0.21950933640965195,0.0806086095234168,0.1910232646420941,0.0704798321797043,0.0,0.0,0.092567802768406,0.0,0.14861375369381374,0.2683524173361377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428828955807806,0.0,0.16550396699384393,0.09695858810327587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338616410539408,0.07468914734929864,0.0,0.0,0.09236066659559128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210499201633142,0.0,0.0,0.07436333065377627,0.0,0.0,0.09172796197494576,0.07143874859919533,0.07583976925611745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06177124091819865,0.12461339684268954,0.0,0.08115607001723094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125685555044664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05694046237398717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337118740804628,0.08779278619541465,0.0,0.15886979319972844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05383135341538932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682351194882873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937979813177686,0.0,0.0,0.17842921964769629,0.0,0.0,0.07025229932996557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753960869394794,0.07344535579484666,0.0,0.0,0.19512910422520172,0.05582536645090013,0.05384261463449097,0.08255840990478472,0.0,0.09799637966416999,0.0,0.07964999867010253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04956268785750269,0.0666985869231266,0.13480655227323235,0.0,0.07555247732490802,0.0,0.07582341860191373,0.1876315372144048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058718385538395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MangledThing,2020/03/28,"Got a question I've never been diagnosed with BPD, but after many many years of struggling and suffering and research and introspection and observation, I've come to the conclusion that I have BPD. I might be comorbid with something else, but I think the main issue is that I have BPD, and particularly the ""Discouraged"" or ""Quiet"" subtype. Okay so here's my question. Is it really so that BPD belongs in the narcissism spectrum? Because I feel like it doesn't quite fit. I know some can be unconsciously manipulative, but I also feel and can observe that they're some of the most empathetic and most caring and kindest people you'll ever come across. I'm super loyal. (Random comment sorry). I know we all manifest it differently, but, I can't really see the correlation between narcissism and BPD. When I feel rejection or fear of disloyalty or mistrust, I'm more likely to withdraw and disappear than to manipulate. Or have I being the wrong material lol. I'm super depressed and paranoid right now. (Another random comment lol) Could someone please help with some much needed insight",5.4399095022624415,8.003738897435898,6.6137858220211125,68.0754298642534,70.28205128205127,9.51131221719457,33.009049773755656,9.916854025145753,3.970882352941176,875,42,134,24,17,293,118,195,0.147,0.679,0.174,0.7929,1,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,1,1,0,4,7,14,0,2,8,3,16,1,0,2,3,51,31,23,0,2,8,0,3,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,7,17,0,1,10,0,0,3,3,7,0,0,2,5,14,7,14,23,9,13,0,4,1,0,7,4,0,14,8,94,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796298550904047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153393792812218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705194916668675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6926744467276928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214726356112067,0.0,0.0,0.1895019569178356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878220808364865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947385579012248,0.11164263976585236,0.0,0.11492139478528947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188673305839122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949680169575033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377498884833,0.16685037598782573,0.0785804711939932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797307348634169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372734981056832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480623339837917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090078340649375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747603089335234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230353914215223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668734413871908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085900301804409,0.08155992077879078,0.08483494788125646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625670392645124,0.0,0.0,0.12074151172044728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464392136128285,0.11699325363920005,0.0,0.0,0.14093126521594562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393515435909684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765179756446398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319843171539173,0.0846795477321322,0.0,0.12313043032071525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149906875213028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048037362556922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026229766525487,0.0,0.07083319279653004 bpd,whitehorseflying,2020/03/28,"Is there such a thing as intermittent anorexia? When I'm upset or struggling financially sometimes I don't eat or barely eat for a day or two. Sometimes I'll restrict for days on end. But it comes in bouts. And then I often make up for it by eating really well for several days after. When I was 18 I had borderline anorexia written on a psychiatric report. But I think after that I learned to hide my eating habits better. At the moment I'm on day two of not eating properly. I know I do it to feel in control. But yea, it comes and goes. So is it intermittent anorexia? Is there such a thing? Or is it just disordered eating?",1.4614285714285735,3.871138634920637,3.653333333333337,84.90000000000002,83.28571428571428,6.457142857142857,23.285714285714285,7.7094869923839395,1.3733714285714291,492,18,96,9,14,168,73,126,0.08900000000000001,0.867,0.044000000000000004,-0.6561,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,10,4,0,2,5,1,8,6,0,2,0,21,17,14,0,0,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,4,6,2,4,0,0,2,2,2,1,2,3,1,9,2,18,14,0,20,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,5,11,72,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089045871927862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121430833416035,0.0,0.0,0.13810851119370915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31765247134519603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112556294077752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7559987791276965,0.0,0.0,0.10906275019691393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06226171978109669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767282350912493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219484126861461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888465541046367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391096548284052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435710982802145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872943057214448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361337830986675,0.07890115764070635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24057373033427476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071486709970796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,edothecat,2020/03/28,"Mean jokes? So I'm working on a farm have to be around the same people everyday which is already pretty hard for me. But I can tolerate it if I like the people enough. However a couple that works here made some jokes over and around dinner last night. First my gf was asking me if I knew some pastry place she was talking about. I didn't cause I don't go places. This girl says to me ""she doesn't go there with you."" Implying that my gf goes there with someone better than me. At least that's how I took it. My gf continues asking me and I'm going ""right"" cause now this girl is staring and has stood up in front of me and I'm uncomfortable. She then gets in my face and says she can see lies in my eyes. Then taps me on shoulder and says ""I'm just joking with you."" I am incredibly pissed off at this moment but I keep my bpd mask on which I've perfected so no one has the slightest clue. Then we go outside for a smoke and there's some sewage smell that's been lingering and no one can figure out what it is. The guy (girls boyfriend) says ""I thought it was (my name)."" Then he says it again. Then he asks ""how old is your leather jacket?"" Implying that it's my jacket. Everything's been semi cool with these people so these jokes caught me off guard and now I am incredibly defensive around them. I couldn't even talk to them today and my own gf is sick of my bpd not wanting to discuss what may or may not be delusions. They just felt really mean to me. My rationale is always that when I am trying to be funny I don't pick on other people so why do they do it to me. But then maybe that's just society? Can anyone tell me if they think I'm correct in being more defensive or am I over analyzing. Thank you for reading :)",1.2706904761904738,3.2414327833333374,2.77809523809524,93.46500000000002,80.8888888888889,6.114285714285715,19.452380952380953,7.225922671290522,0.2398547619047617,1342,33,304,18,35,438,177,360,0.054000000000000006,0.847,0.098,0.9165,2,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,1,4,5,5,22,12,3,0,7,1,35,6,4,7,2,61,62,31,0,5,13,0,3,1,4,2,1,5,0,4,24,19,1,4,8,5,0,7,9,3,0,3,13,13,50,9,37,42,8,47,0,0,3,0,37,22,1,10,19,210,74,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214993530282183,0.0,0.08456332353031253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106123727232165,0.0,0.0,0.2714136018422365,0.28502769685224705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898824367368791,0.0,0.0,0.2559958942432554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088015959894414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112450361605194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500974309247504,0.0,0.06712488028128323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133743464559134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757960931439294,0.0,0.0,0.08644542643865616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053096866371202665,0.0,0.23103201263302106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062851459082313,0.0,0.0,0.09103946506512647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033236902470083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284105641223835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049650710316075215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616365128667907,0.0,0.0,0.10209981433150454,0.22140716738725072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953717675283135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664235579557392,0.0,0.1377326436878223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818265233533205,0.0,0.2123609825995779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339305102076958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165632698083762,0.0,0.06510602750727078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679046106954445,0.0,0.4040966027271689,0.0,0.0,0.08098501541938963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610977343599772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337079944943006,0.08882807232733579,0.09356616759192156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511964732535226,0.0,0.08068193482347018,0.0,0.0,0.09633224274252204,0.0,0.11291336373724895,0.06899930093267755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059943313965841315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170420700922294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797398966300346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cellfcenered,2020/03/29,"i wish i could end it tbh i cant keep doing this shit. i hate it. i hate that nobody listens or understands. they wont even try to learn about my bpd to understand. i hate the depersonalization and the rage. i literally got mad because i couldnt find something in the fridge the other day. now im very upset about not being able to take pictures for my page. everytime i look forward to something im disappointed so its not even surprising. the feelings of emptiness are coming back and it feels like im living on autopilot daily. i dont even have a purpose and nothing i like to do is interesting anymore. my anxiety has been through the roof. nobody understands how i feel, not even my bf. i hate living. i dont enjoy life and i wish this sick game could come to an end.",1.57554298642534,3.966666192307692,3.570874811463049,85.80549773755658,82.58974358974359,6.491101055806937,23.920060331825038,7.724431198458867,1.3577033182503777,610,23,123,11,17,206,94,156,0.262,0.6609999999999999,0.077,-0.9857,0,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,10,14,7,1,8,0,15,3,1,1,0,25,34,7,0,5,4,0,3,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,8,6,0,1,8,1,0,3,8,9,0,0,2,5,20,5,13,27,1,10,0,1,1,0,4,3,1,1,8,80,28,1,0.10897260383197843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336374366033035,0.0,0.10807154118917514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379320586938865,0.0,0.06642868784883332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724717975953482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18774049821496025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740115139567162,0.0,0.0,0.0702783143930401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554301602109488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19303476442540146,0.0,0.0,0.2879015083436716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529946827351014,0.07785004995132119,0.0,0.0,0.0995989856972544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715534612124437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4303515424648957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531273357937205,0.0,0.0,0.09685985727456167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697057278929012,0.1064770196269427,0.0,0.1924496113085785,0.0,0.09150954176727208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045621523841612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118588118551304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778486869917633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193383627376953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398524485233172,0.0,0.0,0.3403329711431242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991381069569343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506262328895715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,I_wanna_eat_food,2020/03/29,"DAE dissociate into a something that calls itself the devil? Always been told it's BP2. Always felt closer to BPD. Always told it wasn't because mostly women got it. Therapist suggested BPD. Now I'm questioning everything. I struggle with voices/personalities of my abusers instilled within my head? And they tell me to hurt myself when I try to fight the urges and practice grounding techniques? Or under high stress scenarios dissociating into this person that refers to myself in the third person and thinks he's satan? Does this even make sense? I'm so lost, every doctor has made it seem like I'm so unique and different and hard to treat and I feel so crazy so batshit insane, folks. Wow. Help? Does this resonate with any of you guys? *Oh boy*",2.9157246376811585,5.947162746376812,3.7318840579710177,81.96202898550727,84.57971014492753,5.67536231884058,21.43478260869565,7.1686216300943375,1.1086782608695651,601,19,99,9,18,191,99,138,0.205,0.72,0.075,-0.9598,1,0,1,0,2,2,19.0,0,1,1,1,7,9,1,2,4,0,3,2,1,2,0,20,16,12,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,10,10,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,8,3,10,3,14,8,1,10,2,2,0,0,16,8,0,4,3,57,20,1,0.0,0.16473834679923438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470744796550464,0.0,0.0,0.0945512118739935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475681578045609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3502292249919953,0.0,0.14197425040895362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526604532906154,0.0,0.14231219373215148,0.24334773619289024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091833874398998,0.0,0.11714626007020865,0.0,0.12495918750277095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030223956326075,0.0,0.1334991369538417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120210039810284,0.0,0.0,0.13767035905564412,0.0,0.0,0.1245515338740052,0.0,0.14269401209092664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319483599710486,0.14690221922777238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884400556963512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792737768589907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177737100785682,0.0,0.0,0.131561957905977,0.09280953757857398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642101827867832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557553754130119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265757819505942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703892901998563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15926857675624578,0.14535363460475292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152611673987955,0.0,0.0,0.1614348657092614,0.0,0.08909050546271041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26571523225584104,0.0,0.094398278386755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Thor1138,2020/03/29,"Anyone else (tired of) constantly searching for that one feeling or happy place? I don't know if it's the BPD, depression or something else, but I feel like I'm constantly chasing that one feeling or moment where I can just feel kinda safe and it's tiring me out. Honestly, recently I've really come to appreciate the lyrics of Black Sabbath's ""Paranoid"". ""All day long I think of things, but nothing seems to satisfy."" - That really describes me. When I was working, I could actually forget it for a while, because I had purpose and was appreciated, but now that my work is currently shut down due to the whole quarantine thing, it's gotten a lot worse again. I will literally just try anything not to feel this emptiness, to chase that one moment of happiness and safety that keeps eluding me or the perfect fantasy of it. From video games, Netflix, alcohol, porn, cutting, pretty much everything just to feel something besides the emptiness*, but it's all just temporary and often I will sit for hours in front of my PC doing pretty much nothing, because I can't decide what I want to play or watch or do to scratch that itch and it makes me wanna scream in frustration. ""Think I'll lose my mind if I don't find something to pacify."" - really sums that frustration up perfectly. Anyone else feel like this or can relate? I honestly feel this is driving me insane... *[EDIT]Forgot music, which isn't a bad thing in itself, but I will literally listen to the same song for hours or days on end if it makes me feel something until I'm physically sick of it...",5.6673549488054595,6.862919993174058,6.393807167235497,75.31542064846418,67.49829351535836,9.546006825938568,32.056143344709895,9.766711354998122,3.1933537201365185,1230,51,217,27,20,404,156,293,0.10800000000000001,0.6940000000000001,0.198,0.9868,1,1,5,0,0,0,49.0,0,0,0,5,9,17,3,0,9,0,17,6,1,2,4,60,39,24,0,6,21,0,10,2,0,3,5,3,0,0,26,7,1,2,15,6,0,3,5,7,0,3,4,15,23,10,31,31,7,32,1,2,2,1,2,10,0,15,20,148,49,3,0.0,0.0,0.09102665047538668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968666635304352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304454077368379,0.19115030189587304,0.07676050225772789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778838994352242,0.1137237780267892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748137974134545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035142435081205,0.0,0.20160248382751664,0.0,0.07447552942921287,0.0,0.0,0.12031421491146263,0.0,0.08034089137776952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23376739745392114,0.0,0.08261732773844582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383296830536374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4244810633771937,0.13327678276869645,0.0,0.0,0.08525513078704326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985940283426927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837216513919064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291048088640063,0.0,0.0,0.05126358751035401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114261727225413,0.0,0.0,0.08254880024248802,0.0,0.1043551143163154,0.0,0.0793022977298399,0.0,0.0,0.12452864295532533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941849944136827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714129753084267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790070433846226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18962438124682685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745648973307144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18979614224664249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17927035815107442,0.0,0.09210155903393656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491751369826643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872423012120993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18591086425679199,0.11953857367388243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21442051111786972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333018034310002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05501825138089093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414244593760888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581615066780894,0.0,0.09505906341545246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,doglena,2020/03/29,"Currently diagnosed with bipolar 2 and bpd and adhd but I dont think so much bipolar First time posting here. I feel the only reason I was diagnosed with bipolar initially is because my dad has it, but I've been researching and taken abnormal psychology classes and I can see I fall more under bpd. I am being treated only for bipolar, do psychiatrists use different meds for treating bpd? I haven't been ""ok"" on my meds over 2 years now and I've switched them up a lot. What should I tell my doctors about this?",4.0368,5.82200568,5.4510000000000005,78.24550000000002,72.2,8.6,32.5,9.188382445141503,3.1307000000000014,408,20,74,9,8,137,70,100,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,2,1,12,7,0,2,0,15,17,8,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,2,12,3,9,11,3,11,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,5,52,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19368446922191251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824238445266316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6089307482482571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271504937140969,0.0,0.16837917448553374,0.0,0.16495533863790787,0.0,0.0,0.18887975069862908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148795567010532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370836522190757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701350688013986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580275705793187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847204085313047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451407414852098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434790060322526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570057651002248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284246274912664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086201058713518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326560298608926,0.0,0.0,0.09397440396581072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391915503957362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378254241986526 bpd,ColorfulFlowers,2020/03/29,I’m struggling really badly. Please help. I just snapped and lost my closest friend of the past three years. I’m in a lot of pain.,-0.2616666666666667,2.028665703703705,1.027685185185188,99.71708333333336,95.66666666666666,4.181481481481482,17.86111111111111,5.985473137389443,-0.37417777777777816,102,3,23,1,4,32,23,27,0.32299999999999995,0.43799999999999994,0.239,-0.46799999999999997,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,2,1,3,2,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28107791810558863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26008498927151474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256407528844221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674791623228457,0.2861968251272726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582056102867143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213582043141509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695264468206849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156583470719156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519261898558683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216783256049242 bpd,sorvetinho,2020/03/29,"How can you tell if you're splitting? I've been recently told I fit the criteria for borderline by my therapist, so I'm not sure of when I'm having symptoms unless it's the extreme emotional dysregulation I'd like some tips to identify splitting, if that's okay ! Thanks in advance !!!",5.055727272727271,6.528955254545457,6.507045454545459,72.90056818181819,69.18181818181819,10.590909090909092,35.56818181818181,10.686352973137794,4.2789090909090906,229,12,41,7,4,78,45,55,0.039,0.74,0.221,0.8535,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,1,1,7,7,6,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,4,6,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,3,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3899707744073336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16937139462864295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34230681470234503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267438384735113,0.3603355125208441,0.0,0.0,0.30301549356452595,0.31917836007212635,0.0,0.4025247150463938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312696661819465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aspdreddit,2020/03/29,"Bpd community, I need your opinion. Long distance relationship and bpd. It's been 4 years now that I know a bpd person with whom I have a special bond. Unfortunately, a great distance separates us, we really only saw each other once. There are feelings of love between us. Several times this person has left, it's been a roller coaster ride and I've come back almost every time. In those 4 years, we didn't speak to each other for a year and a half and I thought it was silly that we didn't speak at all, even though it wasn't my fault. I had promised myself that I wouldn't come back and yet I came back, also knowing from her side that she hadn't forgotten me. That was a year ago, we spoke again, things were going well, this time she promised me that she wouldn't leave, she told me that it was better in her life, that she wasn't in the same perspective anymore, until the love feelings came back in our story and after a while, it didn't go on her side, because she needed me and the distance made it impossible for me to be there. Distance is a part of the problem. She put an end to the relationship, she didn't have the courage to tell me or to do it, I gave her an opportunity to tell me because it had been a while between us that it wasn't going well, she was distant, she made excuses and I told her she could tell me everything. That's when she decided to tell me. She told me at the same time that I was the most beautiful person she had ever met, that I had a place in her life that no one else could have, and that it would piss her off if we didn't talk anymore, that I didn't deserve her, after the time we saw each other this summer she told me that I confused her, that she had never felt that way before, that she panicked. She told me all that five months ago. And I told her that I wanted us to be able to keep talking and that she's the only person that made me want to be in a relationship, that I loved her. At the New Year she wished me a Happy New Year, as a last farewell message. And that was her last message... again. Even though she promised me that this time she wouldn't leave, when i came back a year ago. When she put an end to the kind of love relationship we had, (2 months before she sent me this last Happy New Year message), I told her I understood, I was very sad but not angry with her but very sad and very angry with this situation. I thought like she said, that we were going to continue to be able to keep in touch, because I wanted to and she wanted to, like she said. And because we're important to each other.. But like I said, she hasn't talked to me since New Year's. And now I'm feeling a lot of anger. I don't know what to think anymore. I'm angry at her. The time passing and the events at covid19 fuelling that anger. She doesn't care if I'm okay or not because she’s not there. I don't doubt that she had feelings for me, I don't doubt that I'm important to her, but I feel like I'm more a thing to her than a person. Something that happened. A ghost angel. But not a normal person. It's deeply hurtful. How can you say you care about someone and then just throw them out of your life like that? I've always understood that with the emotions she has, and the distance, she'd put me aside sometimes, but she's clearly putting me behind her. It’s like I'm a bad person or like, she doesn't care about me. I feel abandoned. I feel like she's trying to forget me. But she can’t !? And i can’t ! So, I don't think the fact that she has bpd can define her whole person, all her actions, but I need your opinion, a “bpd look“ at this situation. Do you recognize yourself in this story, in her behavior ? Until now I have always forgiven everything, I thought she was a good person and that she was going through difficult things. But I'm afraid maybe I was wrong about her. I don't know what to think anymore. I'm pretty sure I'm her fp. I don't understand how I can be her fp and have no place in her life in any real way. I have the impression that bpd, indirectly, make others experience what they feel. Because today I am the one who has strong emotions about her, I had and I am still able to have very strong beautiful feelings for her when she is here, but with the way she left, I only have strong bad emotions. She could have left by explaining to me that she couldn't live well with the fact that we were just talking to each other because of her love feelings. But she didn't. She left abruptly. Like I was a stranger. She left and she didn't have the courage to tell me that. I feel like she's trying to convince herself that I came into her life to make her evolve. I know bpd have strong emotions but with the choices they make, they don't help themselves to not go through that.",4.076012530478451,4.40474107121058,4.744068207140434,88.84091104329157,70.63784333672432,7.665481438421417,26.48822038140451,7.3871296695380915,1.0802190540780572,3695,107,828,35,63,1187,283,983,0.083,0.769,0.147,0.995,0,0,1,0,0,0,115.0,14,6,4,6,38,60,3,4,50,1,88,11,1,8,9,156,178,57,1,20,24,0,13,10,0,4,5,7,0,9,77,53,0,3,28,1,0,21,36,17,3,4,66,23,177,43,85,98,15,115,1,4,3,5,156,30,1,14,71,581,254,0,0.10843331237651067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611958893008653,0.0,0.036193433061851486,0.0,0.0,0.02890469357720628,0.06015013487253504,0.0,0.0,0.024579456917582333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338227863638406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896420671434812,0.060358191047935085,0.1542331951605725,0.0,0.061512508227721176,0.0,0.0,0.03196681768578659,0.0,0.0,0.31865857578371964,0.0,0.0,0.1653584298596092,0.11055498866929303,0.0,0.0,0.06227046484714902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657517663371223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030194039543944094,0.16263050893164374,0.06402648670222717,0.0,0.0,0.047746120110506864,0.03269471298961478,0.030453247455874983,0.0,0.06496857956244248,0.035356195408521765,0.0,0.0,0.2010328495782092,0.0774647800277795,0.03470432816518889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325030054047068,0.030316239279252307,0.0,0.039849369899441184,0.0,0.0,0.03196240667601165,0.07695285155603084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02422685453661589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03869336785672136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425367349999755,0.0,0.0376388695574882,0.09932018784337784,0.08838762198827105,0.0,0.07654348084826901,0.19635518528111484,0.0,0.12764942547591693,0.1765834641633114,0.0,0.03191620047294458,0.03198668975195477,0.03035222425623432,0.0,0.0,0.030728708190188005,0.16310882989827974,0.1026022219784636,0.07238007800979063,0.0,0.036311945569992704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057700290283191624,0.0,0.0,0.08040192717367046,0.02787681840214444,0.1396340917119618,0.0,0.0,0.03541387451894717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03849264626683414,0.04898481249500331,0.08246842025452768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03914090351820282,0.0,0.0,0.2840393576980101,0.07552648838624394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0367718870554614,0.0,0.034585345235203784,0.0,0.14534057122697888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04114028285255274,0.023155052167347333,0.0,0.0,0.1552223966107251,0.0,0.0,0.1031449110487442,0.028743507398759624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04083292622339504,0.0,0.029899052172260587,0.08125572419259418,0.0,0.0,0.030625064565739605,0.02782575381325747,0.035747772857662403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028864994444300383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034065704553106785,0.0,0.0,0.11620611880982408,0.15795915734796329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203827456039777,0.06947968822561326,0.07102345257594933,0.08608393790842192,0.14753278503679942,0.0,0.03426070045283537,0.2417629124943009,0.0,0.04907940090272666,0.0,0.0,0.037627634096699385,0.17390923166310746,0.0,0.0,0.11929178502101645,0.08527570273322113,0.08606931620923157,0.0,0.0,0.09749457014378801,0.0,0.0,0.040353973630515065,0.04156431929528091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025675971336184975,0.039518268312388055,0.0,0.2094824941340363 bpd,doilookthursty,2020/03/29,"Just found out I’m pregnant.. My best friends response was, “Well good luck, idk what else to say” 🙃🙃 I’m livid. Am... am I over reacting? Like I know it’s not the best time but.. really? Trying so hard not to totally split on her but I’m pretty sure it’s happened. I just... am in shock that that’s what she picked to say... I.. feel like.. I fucking hate her all of a sudden? I haven’t spoken to her since. 🙃",-2.7771844018506293,-1.4343872247190994,0.10794448116325484,103.61331130204893,112.25842696629213,3.4424322538003964,13.1004626569729,5.5289334501034215,-1.1931419695968275,303,7,78,3,17,103,59,89,0.145,0.624,0.23199999999999998,0.7471,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,4,12,2,0,2,0,5,1,0,2,3,16,14,3,0,0,6,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,4,11,9,9,12,4,6,0,0,0,1,7,4,1,1,4,45,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4670010810467113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18587061150811796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125029348016578,0.15895439686752189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439603064695648,0.17190332918324225,0.20569812072588015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866228573112941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19675645140144804,0.0,0.19931673844138,0.21967317270923056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228045222423625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21740500417963746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263629920520816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253951345541066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35388264556784704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840547073101325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097040817451928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297418269417801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106322963121918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20005466470706693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BingoStingoPingo,2020/03/29,Does anyone else feel threatened by new people?? It's like they're there to take your place and make your friends/collegues forget about you until you eventually end up all alone. i dont even know how to explain it properly its so weird,5.79340579710145,6.683754717391306,5.268260869565221,84.60210144927538,67.04347826086956,7.872463768115942,28.3768115942029,7.793537801064563,1.5915594202898555,191,6,37,2,3,58,42,46,0.198,0.75,0.052000000000000005,-0.7185,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,4,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,8,6,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,6,6,1,5,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312536084116327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21100012659145845,0.3091924706110961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640753613085901,0.0,0.35366469365636904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520847676766149,0.0,0.2672729828347524,0.0,0.0,0.1993120128560424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258074395034002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584138363902526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474264530731471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20142954730031426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914451668326448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20920488576809174,0.0,0.31527873656268457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22688867345910024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tnmfne,2020/03/29,"I thought breaking up with my toxic bf would help But it didn’t. I’m still as insecure and paranoid and afraid. Even with a much nicer guy now (toxic guy was my abusive ex boyfriend.. my new boyfriend is not toxic). I’m so afraid I’ll fuck this up for myself. I’m having a full on meltdown because he didn’t stop me when I told him I was leaving to go home today, after spending two days together. Like I could spend another day with him but he could go without that which hurts but??? Is that normal?? Idfk I never know if I’m being logical or not and it’s scary. I’m also pissed that I can’t tell if he actually likes me or not or if he just likes the sex. He’s very nice to me but that could be fake. I have such strong feelings for him but it’s only been like two months. I don’t want to have these feelings. I don’t want to be hurt. But how can I build this without feelings. It’s all so fucking scary to me. Like maybe it means that I shouldn’t be in a relationship until my mental health is more stable but how exactly do I learn how to be in a normal fucking relationship if I’ve never been in one before? Experience, right??? Or am I wrong? Idk. I am so sick of my bpd. It is so fucking lonely to constantly feel like everyone has bad intentions with you. I just want it to go away. I am in so much mental anguish. I wish I was comfortable asking my friends if I’m thinking logically bc reassurance really does help me, but I think I’ve annoyed the ones I was most comfortable to do that with. Fuck me.",0.3493016370602575,2.517951000000004,2.625080982236156,92.02467128178336,86.0219435736677,5.6761058864507135,20.773336816440263,7.054809383877858,0.497079345175897,1175,38,262,17,36,399,156,319,0.157,0.643,0.19899999999999998,0.9105,0,2,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,1,0,1,16,29,7,4,6,0,35,9,1,4,4,65,64,32,0,16,24,1,4,6,2,2,2,0,1,2,17,8,0,1,12,0,2,3,13,17,0,4,10,4,37,12,30,44,6,28,0,3,0,6,22,10,6,10,20,176,54,1,0.0,0.10920026081620586,0.0899395858730252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737041867675629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664286748571363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616168115939071,0.0,0.08659189814478098,0.0,0.07695378908042423,0.056182829128766834,0.0,0.07842548793757889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607838568755527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959744652651452,0.0,0.22075836822147726,0.0,0.0,0.11887739038251295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065406985564205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06087400554258735,0.0,0.0,0.08806745129152714,0.0,0.09015489553001534,0.0,0.0,0.18640524311264092,0.06584257789397023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120632436115443,0.426024532930185,0.0,0.0,0.15713820224263916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825153573242841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796691179846903,0.0,0.0,0.123552294840131,0.0,0.0924488460682482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973287281915165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050651384039375635,0.0,0.0,0.0975892547210574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701625032901777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259196645816843,0.10039452642761874,0.0,0.0,0.18576095638054388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356509350662334,0.0,0.13550351948134698,0.0,0.142166407992461,0.08901337378969157,0.0,0.0,0.18060394342085925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490655745103132,0.07009551156608451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05904315453116039,0.0,0.0,0.19790108619811497,0.0,0.07870826712914564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360295779938889,0.07705393051334067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055612977680557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811101206001424,0.0,0.07316858558331127,0.0,0.0,0.08736148882597382,0.08806745129152714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006330714579208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604564272183126,0.16308362612969055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059850139571033,0.17768722771590836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547125579262678,0.10076778086738768,0.0,0.0 bpd,rysealy,2020/03/29,"Upset my bf doesn’t give me as much affection as I want... I question all the time if he truly loves me. By the title does anyone relate? How do you deal with these issues? I want to change I need to change. —————————————————————— Hey, i know this is a relationship post but I decided to post to this sub reddit because I was relating to a lot of posts on here. I haven’t been diagnosed with anything but I go to therapy and I know I have “issues” if you will. So I go from having great amazing fun times with my boyfriend to instant panic that he doesn’t actually love me. This instant panic happens with ridiculous things. for examples: say he has to go because he wants to go home and have alone time, he doesn’t text enough, doesn’t say I love you and things like that. When I this happens I either feel terrible about myself and latch out or I get upset with him that he doesn’t compliment me enough and give me enough reassurance. I’m confused if I do this because I have issues ....or because he really doesn’t treat me the way he should even tho I know he’s an amazing guy. I love him so much. I’m at wits end. This behaviour of mine hurts myself and him.",1.4965254394079537,3.5467708893617065,3.1573358001850167,90.62434782608698,80.53191489361701,6.29972247918594,21.706753006475488,7.423996415210882,0.7222839962997223,889,27,192,13,23,294,117,235,0.114,0.6629999999999999,0.223,0.9866,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,3,0,0,8,20,1,5,6,0,19,5,0,2,1,36,42,20,0,8,8,0,1,1,1,2,1,2,1,1,12,12,0,0,6,0,0,4,7,8,0,0,2,3,37,12,25,38,8,16,0,1,0,4,30,3,0,8,6,127,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.09644117402203814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235526237155976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910233542717129,0.0,0.0813264348143657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24097678229060696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20909232671590147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018865912053851,0.0,0.10030761384104084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648442297160383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753164089909751,0.3063450103952948,0.0,0.06527448959170655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049970044655937934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051633177396752966,0.1896082737665805,0.224663293860207,0.0,0.0,0.10895743045578847,0.0,0.097854549620986,0.17478528324986167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913182460492743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579665244363323,0.0,0.0,0.3094500277964053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629386736168058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04828201942657575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401942349596797,0.3567819322657059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529885117937405,0.07327917949219917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231905050524512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839476615507833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070917673663916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331128930245095,0.0,0.0,0.10610351886725232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718284712450178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130176131276119,0.0,0.1313129134434086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17288095366010456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748726794219724,0.0784444986952071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,estlcae,2020/03/29,"Isolating? Does anyone else here do this? I have felt such shame, constantly thinking of how I've acted foolishly in the past. It has gotten to the point where I have had no friends for several years and often end up speaking only a couple sentences per day or less. I feel shame whenever I talk and realize it, and if I say even a few sentences in a single moment and then realize what I have done, I feel extreme shame that lasts for hours. This applies to just about everyone except for my parents, and even then, if I hold a longer conversation with them, I will often feel shameful afterwards. I have also taken note of my clinginess, and I try to distance myself from others as much as possible because I don't want to ever go through the social hurt I have gone through previously. I am a natural introvert, but I feel that things have gone in a much more restrictive direction.",8.724985207100591,7.257403177514792,8.707921597633135,70.25703032544378,61.60355029585799,12.236982248520713,38.87647928994083,11.20814326018867,4.353431360946747,703,30,126,16,8,230,109,169,0.099,0.862,0.039,-0.8137,1,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,12,6,0,4,9,0,13,0,0,1,1,28,25,16,0,3,6,1,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,9,7,0,2,8,0,0,4,2,5,0,0,7,7,19,1,21,17,6,22,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,5,12,101,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804287313004218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206987997454929,0.17686795119967294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522657522791423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865391679619833,0.0,0.0,0.19099897775042132,0.0,0.11132458845489783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510595262059643,0.17664855632769794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420052435134675,0.0,0.15288866766897122,0.0,0.0,0.22802565207139944,0.15614322653839233,0.0,0.16494427981223944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491242011382933,0.0,0.1657407353990553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336454862248653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810301543417016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699943539215964,0.0,0.18479156873787184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407070361058908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25378877332203265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128407264865016,0.0,0.0,0.19167230659944487,0.0,0.1647837961911301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318018439793658,0.19460131104016196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727308108494762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950096595602552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759627217465636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874413227173188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146799955871767,0.11060690150804947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719656349265475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181480545741008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111605909010702 bpd,sellysally,2020/03/29,"DAE ever feel like cutting off EVERYONE and completely vanish from their lives? I’m resisting the urge to delete all of my social medias, change my phone number and pretend like none of this ever happened right now. I’m sick of this.",6.027878787878787,7.304881181818183,5.952727272727272,78.50742424242426,66.72727272727272,8.593939393939394,28.303030303030305,8.841846274778883,2.2870393939393936,188,6,32,3,3,59,35,44,0.128,0.742,0.13,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,6,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,6,4,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125569733969431,0.0,0.30978366333584434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5345200644188886,0.0,0.2823242129209084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939320025254915,0.2110763251120356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26127385918437696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886931739387501,0.0,0.26089615067462785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25232079777177024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011837511253485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,doublependulum72,2020/03/29,"BPD or PTSD, anyone here been misdiagnosed before? Recently been diagnosed with BPD and I still do not fully believe it was the right diagnosis. I asked my psychiatrist, ""Are you sure it isn't CPTSD"" and he said ""BPD does not belittle your trauma"", this helped to hear at the time but something just doesn't feel right about me having BPD. I know I have trauma from an abusive 3 year relationship in which there was one incidence of rape, also date rape in the same year, struggles with school and a few medical withdrawals from school which I consider traumatic, dating someone with BPD but I don't know if this means I have PTSD or if I have hangups about the diagnosis and can't accept it.",5.694495335029688,6.942648152671758,5.850025445292622,79.04584393553863,67.4732824427481,9.486344359626802,29.05937234944869,9.725611199111238,2.616322476675149,552,19,104,12,9,175,84,131,0.23199999999999998,0.745,0.023,-0.9885,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,0,7,7,2,1,6,0,14,4,0,0,1,24,21,11,0,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,7,7,0,1,5,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,5,3,12,2,12,16,2,12,0,0,0,2,8,5,0,4,7,71,19,2,0.0,0.1376074697693858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287749476683864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120811953229372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857566499200846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882698887215607,0.1308505424693155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7313743039617748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788013595267653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163531109250892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05872411307618197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308987545646582,0.0,0.07784651130901159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276555338948705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651102348237367,0.0,0.1169993085410196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869979064138849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271523997064559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467470637567476,0.12469140427315838,0.0,0.19836665972444814,0.11047618628173553,0.0,0.0,0.23508071942728184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840544637987797,0.08941061067715872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274993223105647,0.0,0.0,0.12141523979307554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946102188936094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772244412531768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149581314349592 bpd,LiaBlackPandora,2020/03/29,"He's too good for me First off, I hope the flair is correct for this post haha. I feel like my bf is too good for me. Sure, he's not perfect, but he still is very understanding and patient and tolerates my bullshittery a lot. But just about 20 mins ago, I kind of blew up on him. I kind of have a thing about updating each other about stuff we did. For e.g. when we finish showering, we'll usually give each other an update. My bf has poor memory so he forgets to update me sometimes when he reaches home etc. But I know he's really been trying. But I just can't help but blow up at him and get all upset whenever he forgets. When he forgets to update me, it feels like he's forgetting about me. It feels like he doesn't care and love me anymore like??? Rationally, I know that's probably not true, but I still can't help but feel a lot of emotions. So he forgot to update me that he finished showering just now and went straight to gaming. I knew he was gaming because it said so on discord. He's sleeping right now because I told him to. I just... Feel he's too good for me. I feel so bad for blowing up on him. I know it's not his fault. But I just idhajdkfkds I wish I could just die and let him find someone better. I know he'll be happier that way. But I'm selfish. I want to be with him. I can't bear for him to leave me or vice versa. Though, I know we should just break up because I'm too toxic. I don't deserve him, but I can't leave him. I really hate myself. I wish I could just die",0.6872903225806439,2.5003918500000037,2.9276814516129046,92.4582056451613,82.0625,6.129032258064518,20.947580645161292,7.233258080335977,0.4680917338709678,1152,34,267,16,31,393,143,320,0.172,0.6890000000000001,0.139,-0.9618,2,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,4,0,0,3,28,22,1,1,5,1,21,2,1,0,5,67,50,25,2,7,22,0,6,4,2,3,0,1,3,0,12,12,0,1,14,2,1,1,9,5,0,1,8,7,52,17,31,34,6,33,0,0,0,1,40,11,0,4,22,171,64,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081472400435064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160173024888736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554051035435216,0.1873556039639621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060768229700826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445343030554012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635941405728899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21265146316575226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524116687122585,0.0,0.0,0.11425754874111405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108073004420504,0.21956843646296054,0.0,0.0,0.0936363927683936,0.08714293936770189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053525295639372326,0.09827827204050286,0.0,0.25778770386730643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114702920071462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373386090843538,0.0,0.10276454959331678,0.1017548241146773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133694237821978,0.2815160431122071,0.0,0.0,0.21695707914306386,0.0,0.1047608901191849,0.0,0.2002053326306355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419669711645994,0.09246408688238772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811767870251764,0.0,0.11045718778763937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126271316537744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749075802229077,0.09745231678173563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102522837209205,0.0,0.08680457804004961,0.0,0.10132453213673684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363156769758533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727942243435215,0.0,0.0,0.09655682857490222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806246359116913,0.0,0.10065547484101872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789426640462384,0.0,0.0695560441460367,0.0,0.0,0.10665286577267634,0.0,0.0,0.1128329342728827,0.08453103045844602,0.0604269860144799,0.08131912842937614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497111022528117,0.0,0.0,0.23562224270279625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ocddco27,2020/03/29,"I don't know why but I change so much from when a girl and I are in that 'still friends, but are headed in the direction of becoming a couple' stage... when I'm easy going and she still finds me funny and cute and everything's fun... Six months into being boyfriend/girlfriend and I'm paranoid, and when her attention is put more into other areas, I think she's mad at me... I don't know why ... and it happens until I have completely destroyed the relationship... I want to love some one... But I guess I don't know how to...",1.6880188679245298,3.651530443396228,3.3496603773584934,89.92694339622645,79.47169811320755,6.504150943396226,21.92075471698113,7.554174236665415,0.8078860377358486,401,12,86,6,10,133,68,106,0.102,0.695,0.203,0.9111,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,2,0,4,0,8,2,1,1,0,22,19,16,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,9,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,2,0,2,0,0,14,4,10,18,3,16,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,2,7,61,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22462885956556752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151602109332384,0.0,0.2132510998638415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22504775165593646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18279429266025532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18589525866613074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571390180805992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559152469903168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224057598012204,0.0,0.17985757298096988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087373607997928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33533434665163986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18356789321054415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234437969311355,0.0,0.1495154411409293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782268615728896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044636583653382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21836531123646136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248558781875099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032443835664054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996500360026754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670566338821439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Blueberrybuttons,2020/03/29,"Do you think being diagnosed actually helps? So, I’ll say right off the bat that I am not diagnosed with BPD. I have diagnosed generalised anxiety disorder with ‘depressive episodes’. For many years, I’ve known my mental health was a huge problem. I’ve had conflicting information about my symptoms because I’ve never had just one long term therapist or doctor, either for money reasons, because of self destructive/self defensive tendencies to escape or availability issues. I relate so heavily to a lot of what I read about BPD, formal symptoms and other people’s written accounts, as well as to some symptoms of other disorders like bipolar. Basically, I feel that anxiety/depression isn’t the whole picture here in my mental health. But I also know there is a lot of overlap in disorders, and they can be hard to diagnose, so I’m not trying to diagnose myself, I just want to find things I relate to. I’ve hidden things from the therapists or doctors I’ve seen because I’m terrified of a diagnosis, and I’ve not really seen them for long enough to feel comfortable telling the whole story anyway. I don’t know if I actually have anything more than what they’ve seen, but I’m scared of finding out. Anxiety is so common, I feel like people won’t judge me, but if I talk about the other things I feel/experience, it might lead something that I can’t take back. A label that could make people leave me or judge me and change my life for the worse. I’m not listing my symptoms or anything because I’m not asking for a diagnosis, I know you guys can’t give that to me. But what I’m wondering is, do you feel that having a diagnosis is better than not knowing? I don’t know what is going on for me, sometimes I feel an overwhelming urge to understand but other times the last thing I want is to be labelled and stuck with a disorder tag that people can use against me, or that will make me second guess my own judgements as if I don’t do that enough already. I wanted to post in this sub specifically because you guys all seem so supportive and lovely, and are dealing with something that a lot of people don’t properly understand. Again, I’m not saying I think I have BPD. I just feel like something else is going on, but I’m reluctant to find out what.",7.8914978156854545,6.915287050343252,8.331188891200334,70.711395360932,62.93592677345538,11.789848138131893,36.797274807572286,11.022393298168332,4.055330434782609,1799,74,327,42,22,599,193,437,0.07400000000000001,0.8440000000000001,0.08199999999999999,0.5431,0,0,3,0,0,0,43.0,0,4,2,2,18,13,1,2,17,0,35,16,0,5,2,81,79,31,0,8,26,0,7,3,0,3,15,2,0,3,25,13,0,2,23,1,2,3,16,5,1,2,8,12,43,8,48,64,13,25,0,2,3,1,19,11,0,17,13,227,68,4,0.0,0.0,0.12315674590725605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963453965233632,0.050462583933000536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654559466565107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038550097460146,0.0,0.05899177859496725,0.0,0.0,0.04852148268774974,0.0,0.1923317286876002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055808521762431534,0.0,0.0,0.23842398393343625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675346607306636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05038174977504014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650553104090722,0.10869918527925916,0.32023561086992963,0.0,0.0,0.28928107634891204,0.12917498130051655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05271355846388055,0.0,0.0,0.13040230651065954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06172578766796055,0.0,0.0,0.22334359305297832,0.09016005084807106,0.0,0.0,0.17302203955865986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060533113141198525,0.07172455249846403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951388085393381,0.1249616465762521,0.0,0.0,0.05652692730394762,0.0,0.0,0.134148783837143,0.0,0.0,0.04229588794017367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586201179247078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339582936247314,0.05143648823339355,0.0,0.06681582381270694,0.0,0.0,0.044570753395963496,0.09248523452829166,0.0,0.0,0.11168642988969377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094099168269935,0.056951947938629476,0.0,0.08424204537093982,0.06397544429913342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718379055439388,0.06694116694019954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048668092074587985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04275949519009421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21873463594224105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060434197943605536,0.0,0.0,0.06038001690353696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063118997910647,0.0,0.040424706816099935,0.06487928505045698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05388869629280725,0.0,0.10036236161884417,0.06317603177535176,0.0,0.0,0.05744561951360162,0.13165813256502376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457368264655616,0.06240941400846298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160731287920956,0.0,0.26234823148998365,0.047444791938089335,0.050718934351489484,0.055153860838320336,0.0,0.0,0.14653238919564213,0.16768845132055152,0.0808663268789118,0.0,0.0,0.036795237957279216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04284206267089242,0.0,0.0,0.1313826516605784,0.0,0.054499799970181714,0.0,0.0,0.11165744488329983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05673620578553601,0.0,0.0,0.1409020840107295,0.0,0.0,0.06843134226483698,0.0,0.0,0.06430624909352342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04063556865483997 bpd,terryyyble,2020/03/29,"I feel my BPD is distorting reality and is driving me crazy So, during quarantine, my mental health has been in its worst stages since a long period of time. I (20f) had a boyfriend (23m) for a year and a half, and it's been weeks since I feel that I don't love him anymore. I don't know exactly why, because everything has been good between us and no drama happened. He's the best, but I decided to break up with him five days ago because I felt something was wrong: I felt weird, I didn't want to talk to any of my friends and I just wanted to cry all day. Is this normal with BPD? I really miss him so much, but at the same time I feel relieved that I don't have to talk to anyone. I don't know how to feel and if these feelings are normal with BPD.",4.511400966183572,3.7638414099378883,5.605300207039338,86.73740510697034,69.6832298136646,9.143133195307106,28.44789510006901,8.515128840125781,1.664469427191166,581,17,137,8,9,194,98,161,0.151,0.772,0.077,-0.8179,0,1,1,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,1,4,9,0,0,6,0,17,2,0,1,2,31,31,12,0,5,4,0,7,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,10,1,0,1,6,4,0,2,8,7,22,5,17,23,5,15,0,1,0,1,9,3,0,1,9,89,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160491327130826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902736756142639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983349128459706,0.09153950936002853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15961035384461789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738826244023053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4946523475394817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438050758484272,0.16885997587973486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176588569886568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309753094614417,0.0,0.2513997758286138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114537487254473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980612738695213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115768584181272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915758337285178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438960168900598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585653805001525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815679899323545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193253365035734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623832150762493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565397627900605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386814025707119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21659013186528364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078553080782636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104506394681277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526763418140296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747582566115964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443529441569448,0.0,0.10501291641676888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813132501063887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313609166528712,0.0,0.08430561010309293 bpd,sleepybumbum,2020/03/29,"A year ago, I posted a suicide note on my facebook and I feel like I’m dead ever since. Emptiness lingers like a grim reaper. my s/o(m,23) whom I’ve been with for a year, broke up with me(f, 22) last year. 6 months before that, I was in medical school and he was fully supportive of me. But because of my depression, I stopped for a while to recover. He was not the same man ever since. He started blaming why my ex-boyfriend, whom I’ve been with for 5 years before med school, still contacts me. We fought everyday until the time came when I started harming myself again. Before my depression reoccured in med school, I was diagnosed already with major depression a year before that. However, I did not take it seriously and started to heal on my own. I became productive and finished my undergrad studies to overcome. However, everything that he did triggers me. On the day of my birthday, which was last March 13, 2019, I cut my wrist to make him stay away from me. He was shocked by what I did and so he cut his own wrist to stop me. I was overwhelmed with how he handled the situation. His cut was not that deep but mine was. My parents did not know about it. He was afraid to let them know. He rushed me to the emergency room and after the doctor talked to me and said that I need a psychiatrist, he started promising me that he will be better. That it will never happen again. He was a changed man for a week. He immediately return to his abusive self when he knew I already forgave him. In order to stop me from harming myself, he would slap me, drag my hair, and choke me. I would stop. Not because it was effective but because I was afraid with the man I’m with. It brought so much trauma to me that the countless times he did that to me, I started to bury everything in my head and forget that it ever happened. I would blame myself for being suicidal and depressed that he grew tired of me and started hurting me. I was frustrated with myself and he was too because he couldn’t help me. I just never thought this will happen to me. That someone will hurt me because he can’t fix me. When it was around June 2019, our helper heard accidentally from the above floor of our house that I was cutting myself while we were fighting and he was shouting and cursing at me. When he got the blade from me saying that my parents will blame him for that, he started hurting me, kicking me, and dragging my hair again. I passed out because I couldn’t take it anymore. He brought me back to my room and put a used cloth on my bleeding wrist. He was panicking because my hands and arms are full of wounds from the blade because he was hurting me at the same time when I was cutting my own wrist. My parents knocked and they started cleaning my wounds. Knowing that I told them before not to blame my bf because “he never hurts me” they talked to him quietly. I never knew what they all talked about but after he came back to his house, he started not talking to me anymore. He would only reply 3 times a day. Although he did hurt me, I don’t want him to leave just like that after hurting me. But he did. After denying his abusive tendencies inside my own mind, I would get flashbacks of all our fights and could not focus on the present moment anymore. It would appear one by one and started tormenting until I lose all hope. That morning, I was determined to end my life. I locked my room, placed my cabinet in front of it, and started writing my suicide note. I did not blame him or wrote about how he hurt me, instead, I blamed myself for every mistakes. I posted it on facebook to make sure that there’s no turning back. Several minutes after that, when I was about to jump from my window looking aimlessly, my parents opened my door forcefully. I couldn’t stop crying. They were there the whole time to make sure I’m safe. I started medications and therapy. I focused on recovery ever since then. Around November 2019, I started working up until January. It was a hard journey. One day you’re fine and then some days, it all feels like yesterday. I always have vivid dreams about it would think about that dream the entire day. I started applying for medical schools again starting February that’s why I quit my job. It seems as though everything went back to normal and I was a better person than I used to back then, but after all my friends comforted me for what happened, it’s not the same as before anymore. I feel like they stayed away from me. And for some reason, I think it’s a good choice. The day I wrote my suicide note, it’s as if I was dead already. I’m still living and yet... I feel like I’m a piece in a puzzle that will never fit in to anyone’s life. The way they forget about me feels like I never existed. I’m trying my best to make sense out of this life that I have but I don’t know how much will I hold on. I lost everything and yet... it’s like I never had anything or anyone to begin with. Edit: I would appreciate any advices and words of encouragement. Thank you.",3.278888833918763,5.0790944320486835,4.094846880720329,87.12131895314897,74.25354969574036,6.757017760846982,27.33879186662049,7.499876790926021,1.4868776431009751,3914,151,777,48,82,1253,350,986,0.184,0.7120000000000001,0.10400000000000001,-0.998,7,0,0,0,3,6,119.0,5,1,8,8,44,58,9,3,34,0,67,22,9,12,18,151,138,62,7,18,22,4,9,8,2,15,13,5,6,5,51,46,0,7,17,2,0,13,24,34,0,3,55,16,153,24,112,61,21,148,0,17,2,0,89,34,0,9,103,537,204,9,0.0,0.08973092574296429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0370025837737839,0.033566257049294314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535946052147728,0.0,0.031507857729444436,0.0,0.0,0.02575043375272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502130775191844,0.052954100207568564,0.0,0.03116080051464408,0.06741820445452608,0.0,0.0,0.07115341231143439,0.14558452658233442,0.0,0.2077469187258288,0.0,0.19332897875565186,0.0,0.03973842479311181,0.06697946369305645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661809143772756,0.0,0.0,0.04005760425136748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030233219527072187,0.0,0.04159443528850612,0.14652407708371906,0.0,0.13045701451956435,0.03843357393122194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038757839738614464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03353836925228692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700921769366414,0.03190405442224193,0.0,0.13612742621943566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573188575066413,0.1352587306928023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029255467688095286,0.0,0.019783618259794213,0.0,0.0,0.031760519111940604,0.03028519955176035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394044277672987,0.0,0.033920834627656354,0.0,0.03886182559091971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02538103322924331,0.0,0.0,0.03760985478605169,0.0,0.0873854263066093,0.3242939041346836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03757653468850663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324147847348515,0.06173229978734353,0.0,0.04009502405596307,0.0,0.03872093435294673,0.08023842232101727,0.14799678645496828,0.0,0.03343670320596851,0.0,0.031798218430073445,0.04236278820812703,0.04133562182691406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011043984173402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412201337101692,0.11443916835619385,0.0,0.0,0.03823424464503376,0.0,0.030224579563171764,0.0,0.05567228573270325,0.028077437542237668,0.20443418157513285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03710100808105998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697770784388416,0.028799084801810274,0.0,0.0,0.16818451471074922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03306345840888758,0.03956230282643787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253104076495345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03806616602140662,0.0,0.040275551282438496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038932940528034594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036019594300460436,0.030112861548341308,0.0,0.15329117390126548,0.0,0.03447212598566394,0.039502887872452465,0.04277822594579362,0.0,0.09397037104756076,0.042563392467674016,0.0,0.0,0.032084056979661664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020302308822183,0.08072103575010746,0.06048027258721862,0.1582899268146714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567867482350015,0.04297031404600836,0.07137722133372437,0.0,0.05694160351656333,0.1217422327151814,0.0,0.03486227094325185,0.04330350033601435,0.0,0.0,0.04852648873440543,0.03720352155417608,0.0300616723376886,0.11040093999121084,0.04352182813211921,0.0,0.036182944404833314,0.0,0.025708783269837183,0.041187742811590385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540878091917017,0.0,0.0,0.022334569283929937,0.030056566243093483,0.030374122266438538,0.0,0.0,0.035102509345576294,0.06833702808765278,0.042276455827153316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02756717226404266,0.0,0.0,0.21519349305271865,0.0,0.0,0.1219235212388186 bpd,samlast,2020/03/29,i don't know how to vent cos I don't know what's wrong or how to express it imagine understanding your emotions. myth,-0.407,1.8086650000000049,1.4794999999999978,95.58725,99.0,4.1000000000000005,22.25,5.985473137389443,0.2724000000000002,95,4,21,1,4,31,19,25,0.0,0.882,0.11800000000000001,0.3724,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,8,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5159823813819727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5041855172625312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4775290042324096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5015228772477935,0.0,0.0 bpd,hotsaucecommitteep3,2020/03/29,"My life’s lowest point In September 2017, I was hit by a negligent driver and sustained ten fractures, requiring a metal implant and screws in my shoulder. I lost sensation in my right hand and gained a lot of weight. Maybe eighteen months later, my mom was diagnosed with an aggressive form of brain cancer. My dog, her constant companion, died six months later. I was laid off months after that, in late February. Then the quarantine happened. Last night, I found out an ex-girlfriend of mine - the only woman I’ve ever really loved - got married to someone who, on paper at least, could be my identical twin. The only difference is he’s much better looking. (I personally don’t know him.) I also struggle with BPD. I don’t have the energy to do the DBT workbook, but feel that may be my only hope. Any other suggestions?",3.982521008403364,6.394761542483662,5.099593837535013,77.96602941176472,74.09803921568627,8.292997198879553,27.922035480859012,9.04235418022936,2.7237604108309994,648,26,109,15,14,213,111,153,0.085,0.8240000000000001,0.091,0.4491,1,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,4,2,7,2,1,10,0,12,9,3,0,1,16,22,6,1,2,1,1,3,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,4,6,1,1,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,6,4,17,3,17,11,4,22,0,1,1,2,10,10,1,3,12,73,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427485764119015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567863316631454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744036782579094,0.0,0.0,0.19572327555873384,0.17347993493459146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679342657635284,0.0,0.12407578631566288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772967553678618,0.16128265603566072,0.1623619286478292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056993171545187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857587902180746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039018191899755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428911002173115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742140282239554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434916885443478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540482999526079,0.12667330434871865,0.1753001322811575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097649704303321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049847210667348,0.0,0.16963955084005286,0.13211715341776634,0.14025629824780175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15612211402040574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18200484811180034,0.3721209848659494,0.0,0.11423829046870207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583417278349106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35457048384374673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135690960624438,0.0,0.0,0.14690504280371566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955444793369604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271238882950606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167154078259566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245982601743064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892376705453061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,among_the_pines,2020/03/29,"Self-fulfilling prophecy All of my fucking friendships end the same exact way yet I can’t make it stop happening. Ever since I was in my early teens. The friend or friend(s) will do one little thing to either make me hate them, or make me think they hate me, and I cut them off... or I lash out at/distance myself so far from them that it really does become a self-fulfilling prophecy and they do end up hating me. I can’t even blame them. I don’t deserve to have friends because I can’t handle having them. I think I’ve had one single consistent friend over the years, and we don’t even hang out because they live 2 hours away. When I do have friends, I’m so paranoid about them leaving my life that the whole time we chill I’m stressed about doing/saying the wrong thing, not being funny/generous/entertaining enough or being a bad listener etc... It just makes me want to not even try. I just have my partner... but it fucking sucks feeling this alone still and when I go on social media, it seem like everybody always has people to talk to and chill with but I know I have to keep my “safe” distance from everyone because it’s not even worth trying to meet others when I know it will end in me being devastated.. I’ve made only 2 acquaintances in my one year at college and even then, we really only communicate to talk about school work.. Just bummed out and really can’t take it anymore i wish I just didn’t give a fuck at all",3.5466003787878786,4.948056822916668,4.388371212121213,86.91647727272729,72.78472222222223,7.31969696969697,24.549242424242426,7.84624498591911,1.1849458333333345,1127,33,231,15,22,363,151,288,0.115,0.799,0.086,-0.7245,0,1,0,0,0,1,35.0,3,0,9,1,20,17,8,1,8,0,23,4,0,5,4,49,51,19,0,2,14,0,1,1,5,2,1,1,0,1,14,14,0,3,6,0,1,2,10,11,0,3,4,2,41,6,28,42,8,34,0,0,0,3,23,15,4,5,17,159,55,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955566567937935,0.0,0.0,0.07677021816893367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150011746274686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668413818417392,0.0,0.07703576234453202,0.1687280298082733,0.10189724954254978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073998475923094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451529342271525,0.09533235628071336,0.1028976485460192,0.3046942509248975,0.08345717776036013,0.0,0.08816126313016805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04665095175882975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35641087634948937,0.2558870074931655,0.0,0.08850708953197457,0.05243519670642762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158787802958031,0.0,0.0,0.27327187332938035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086048321157177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200760552247043,0.0,0.0,0.10141067853594644,0.0,0.0,0.09769320944306556,0.0,0.0,0.06516809489250061,0.04507504795316235,0.09247177777111472,0.0814699311522297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730149408748443,0.2463451114635605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875594169576576,0.14034035841379813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396355648164334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17731814670413662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337125140680956,0.0,0.09337509522882123,0.0,0.08399278222566264,0.1925008895439476,0.0,0.0,0.07632091808847635,0.0,0.0,0.09405052318672898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368136166709835,0.07713601045081993,0.10568697010380812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937030378886005,0.14831503058971007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259089285468358,0.1182368271147546,0.0,0.0,0.05379930506198877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252810595649489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054419115744391774,0.0732340855320975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300835953778044,0.106097912069651,0.0,0.0,0.06716857258858926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087512144168956,0.0,0.11882871131135785 bpd,k9jm,2020/03/29,"No contact with family for 2 years except my mom and she died on Monday. Besides my husband, my mother was the only person alive who loved me. No goodbyes because she was in a nursing home. I’m so sad and it’s selfish because I’m sad for myself. I have voicemails of her saying she loved me. But that’s it. Never had a dad, never met him but he died 20 years ago. I’m sad.",-0.8376363636363635,1.298408600000002,1.996363636363636,93.70318181818183,94.25,3.4090909090909096,18.522727272727273,4.851557810540192,-0.4513750000000001,288,9,61,1,11,100,55,80,0.256,0.669,0.075,-0.9453,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,2,8,10,5,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,1,12,2,7,6,0,8,0,3,0,2,17,2,0,0,6,39,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20274042567992875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27884285151347704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4747363231717677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21561042197818786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294179579112863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41284513145122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678661007818706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527953932614314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394667219931015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19970351840016715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18188189287193185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945675659940595 bpd,lexibillings,2020/03/29,"My husband was recently diagnosed with bpd and I don't know what to do My husband and I have been together for 7 years and married for 2 of those. When we first started dating (in high school) he was a self-described hopeless romantic. He would buy me flowers, write me poems, and just generally be thoughtful. As we went through college those sweet things became less and less frequent. About two years into our relationship he wanted to break up to date other girls (I was his first girlfriend); I asked him to try to make our relationship work and he agreed. About 3 years later while we were engaged, (on my birthday) I found out that he had asked another girl on a date and had given her a tour of the college campus. I was hurt and tried to end things with him. He convinced me that he made a mistake and wanted to be with me. I agreed to try and make things work. A few months later he was almost fired for flirting with a coworker (whose husband was in the room). I was devastated, but he convinced me that it was a mistake and he wouldn't do it again. Fast forward to now. I'm pretty severely depressed and anxious (getting treatment) and I have been in and out of the hospital several times in the past few months. My husband came to me on Christmas Eve and accused me of cheating on him because I had deleted a text from his sister (it was really only that). The day after Christmas he asked me for a divorce. My depressed self did not take this well and I attempted suicide again. We decided to give it some time and try to make things work. He has now revealed to me that during the entirety of our relationship he has been flirting with other women, watching porn, and has signed up for various dating websites. He asked for a separation so that he could date other women, but come back once it was out of his system. We have gone back and forth with this and I finally told him that he could leave if he wanted, but he couldn't come back after. Once I made my decision he began sobbing and begging me to let him stay and that he wanted to make things work. He was administered a personality assessment by a psychologist who said that he has a lot of antisocial traits (read: sociopath) and some borderline traits, but does not meet the diagnostic criteria for either. However, his therapists believe that he is borderline. I guess the reason I'm here is because I don't want to deal with this for the rest of my life, but I feel very against divorce. His mood swings and manipulation have caused my depression to worsen significantly. I'm torn though because we've been together for so long and at times he can be really loving and sweet. I'd just love to get some advice.",5.291911196911201,6.321065835907338,5.854586872586875,79.44852123552127,68.24710424710426,8.854362934362936,31.016216216216225,9.081645337920577,2.5845793050193064,2125,84,402,38,35,688,231,518,0.11699999999999999,0.807,0.077,-0.9745,2,0,0,0,2,2,55.0,8,0,0,7,17,20,1,0,22,0,44,5,0,9,0,93,83,38,1,13,11,5,2,0,1,2,2,1,1,6,31,45,0,0,8,1,1,6,6,9,1,3,31,6,53,10,66,43,11,65,0,6,1,3,74,18,1,7,40,280,84,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534959543012071,0.0,0.0,0.07721308762530757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085505161884586,0.0,0.08711072821129713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883443903913105,0.0,0.0,0.1778751761649122,0.0,0.14101399309071927,0.0,0.0,0.08687494546651896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971155358980528,0.0,0.0,0.088191654218834,0.0,0.07921173482421022,0.0,0.132844398885702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312982649221955,0.0,0.0,0.04972864416048427,0.0794955427196669,0.1992404772021955,0.07826356841337585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747822318508873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829529986325593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03898840635115703,0.0,0.0,0.08446866182779768,0.0,0.13117700874606086,0.0,0.0845455594465793,0.0,0.0,0.08057208335141104,0.07396955992388148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494377553939246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146943045797746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254631158458149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04237684971087095,0.0,0.0,0.08164683471423519,0.0,0.07884873002403431,0.05446405848126498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823865186926449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555494291041203,0.13918697741521188,0.1459239736047503,0.20588225848027808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309463879892722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164236206278189,0.0,0.058644536874518836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360884848473878,0.0,0.06732822307385425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844712969088018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712942976179651,0.0,0.09879543998551536,0.07928044526908906,0.07613540360455133,0.24835721905198546,0.0,0.0,0.07334790118142161,0.0,0.0,0.0780379824763213,0.0,0.0,0.16088209611024867,0.17422145642259426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05457783783036875,0.08218746863266584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843442527937331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05797604316425056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952898488893059,0.25613751517218,0.0,0.07575877173390913,0.06121558598301239,0.13488786968443806,0.0,0.0,0.07368053644692661,0.0,0.20940661119511808,0.0,0.07532386182604385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362264001087213,0.2274031416209436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932985858364171,0.07148041050163484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224543809150941,0.0,0.0,0.05477571086605068,0.0,0.0,0.14896615957834108 bpd,RoseLunaa,2020/03/29,I had someone to love but hurt him so badly he only has hate for me now This is my cycle. We’ve been together for a year. It’s always after a year that they are done with me. Want nothing to do with me. Would rather see me dead than be around me. I did and said some terrible things. I was suicidal every other day. He said I can say here. He doesn’t wanna see me on the street. I still love him so much. Seeing him everyday is heartbreaking. Yearning to be held by him and knowing he’s just keeping me around to clear his conscience. He doesn’t wanna be responsible for a death. He’s told everyone about me. They tell him to leave me in the dust. Get rid of me forever. They don’t know how much I love him. They only know my illness. Everyone only knows my illness. I’m just the crazy girl now. This is the 3rd relationship that has happened this way. 3rd in a row. I guess it’s time to find my next victim....,0.08259276121101777,2.3086602094240902,2.167020259503758,94.31708172091965,88.26701570680628,5.415979968131119,18.251991805144552,6.895973343053719,0.09463878898247202,704,19,159,10,23,235,110,191,0.226,0.669,0.105,-0.9857,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,4,0,13,10,2,0,8,0,20,5,0,1,1,26,41,6,3,6,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,9,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,9,6,32,3,23,28,3,17,0,3,3,3,27,6,0,2,10,108,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890618359331401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330294688678492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928288439513027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440951553918802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394003308046307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027562832470064,0.25013102573565105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962583626980595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838162025619816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418376093686416,0.0,0.11574051286562599,0.0,0.0,0.12922110299860015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011430007854725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116335938025149,0.0,0.0,0.2877222505908565,0.0,0.0,0.13858752595979962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35438444576529743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242997169557555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919688814301287,0.0,0.0,0.12558697092706414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986301173196903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052070588789833,0.0,0.0,0.24900179399862984,0.10408441146536587,0.0,0.0,0.3128934125115085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089780301312126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045243336871168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316612964266442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439860626638325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695368205624768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631966059261022,0.0,0.0,0.12506551286782552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719892363993336,0.10388982804108464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297641823084343,0.0,0.0,0.1685703357225642 bpd,illearium,2020/03/29,"Trying to fight the urge to be self-destructive. Don't know what to do. Yet another fight with my FP, who is currently my ex-boyfriend. He knows fully well how much I struggle with insecurity and paranoia, and no matter how much I've explained to him that when I start questioning him about things that have happened in the past, it's because I need reassurance and nothing else. I've been very clear that I don't mean to attack him or cause a fight, but my brain starts making up scenarios where he's cheated or betrayed me and I just need him to help me understand that none of it is true. He promises that he won't get defensive and that I can always come to him with these issues, but then he finds a way to try to attack me instead of reassuring me. He turns the question around on me instead of simply reassuring me that he never thought about someone else, that he never flirted with anyone else, that he never considered cheating on me while we were together. He goes and turns it around by saying, ""But how can I be sure *you* didn't do those things then? Guess I'll never know,"" and it breaks me every time. I don't even know what to feel. I feel hurt and angry and I can't possibly comprehend why he would try to flip it around like that instead of simply recognizing that I just need reassurance. I hate him for it. He makes me hate myself for even having brought up my insecurities and letting myself be vulnerable. I have brought up this issue time and time again. I've told him he gets defensive and aggressive (even physically aggressive) to the point that all I can do is start crying and hurting myself and just wanting to disappear. I have been trying to fight the urge to self-harm but this feeling isn't going away. I don't know how to cope. I keep replaying the fight in my head and the things he's said to me and his accusations and his complete lack of consideration about how it'll make me feel. I don't want to self-harm but I don't know how to cope.",4.879334244435769,5.6318285812182785,5.5641624365482265,82.16095275283095,69.02538071065989,8.802655212807498,28.35181569699337,8.950670267944501,2.0406773916438885,1567,52,320,27,26,509,172,394,0.17800000000000002,0.715,0.107,-0.9831,1,0,0,0,5,1,38.0,1,1,0,0,26,30,15,3,9,0,32,2,2,10,8,84,72,34,0,7,10,0,4,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,29,26,0,3,18,0,0,5,16,20,1,0,9,6,49,10,45,56,5,38,0,2,0,0,42,13,0,5,19,220,78,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915669832370544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715125785373656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581145624768355,0.08515912023828645,0.0,0.22196465086693928,0.0,0.18910613855742334,0.07808742682822285,0.0,0.0,0.05066493116087846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278162769393458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537997550542024,0.0,0.0715945153080202,0.08714242980367197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129575986703636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082908131467573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468611574721978,0.0,0.07002631171970096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809777928205338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596380295103689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684625476554499,0.0,0.04723504982350027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155837188752737,0.0,0.0734965772188756,0.0,0.0,0.16411381874333333,0.08529794604817388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05570891151188628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779484334434819,0.0,0.0,0.17349681804204728,0.0,0.07387467914819529,0.0,0.0,0.27406048346300266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498870341655422,0.0,0.04060482785608193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664357770826856,0.0,0.0,0.09053445419643184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219527911000172,0.18488177404679265,0.2564075674373393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974919306899801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934079078758324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856867708023367,0.09369745243833623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862112279837836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905952344234876,0.06609481671665746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601150471386104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042139991223581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764834895020421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688778387226072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833304639984748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656498104980468,0.0,0.0,0.06598246135346722,0.14539162707639214,0.0,0.0,0.0794180611121029,0.0,0.22571316452278575,0.18080621848140785,0.0,0.08652359451477791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857695337406207,0.09804443598938868,0.0659712539700088,0.0,0.0,0.07472859470635382,0.0,0.07499658143022404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059041111300165476,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cinatnoot,2020/03/29,"DAE gift their FP so as to tackle fear of abandonment? I like gifting because it shows I care and it makes me feel secure to know they are feeling loved and are probably not going to leave for the time being. Also feels like it could make them remember me, even if they do leave, eventually. Miserable fear of being abandoned, I know. :/",3.3320833333333333,5.679773875000002,4.241875000000004,83.64895833333338,75.875,7.3916666666666675,24.729166666666664,8.344100000000001,1.7404979166666668,264,9,49,5,6,85,48,64,0.212,0.5429999999999999,0.245,-0.0526,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,4,0,3,10,0,3,1,0,6,1,0,2,0,15,16,6,0,2,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,6,1,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,3,9,5,7,13,0,2,0,3,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16548107732927286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261420212254003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21097794585106272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16521599927536162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667467833684602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4657053960255882,0.3138886181668077,0.14783014645276485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760254126269502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22744557579850955,0.0,0.0,0.4382159471599688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021901516459814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867615362978239,0.0,0.2762534800618501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22310450231987464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344102622183909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066198643021935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Zurus_,2020/03/29,"Anyone else get bored of friends from being with them so much that you make new ones just to repeat the cycle over and over I feel like my friends are metaphorically comparable to songs. For instance finding a new song that you like and putting it on repeat. Then you get bored from hearing the same song over and over. I tend to do the samething with friends but obviously in a different way. I'll make new friends, hang out with them as much as I can, become apart of their friend group/get kinda close to them. Then after a few weeks/months i'll get burnt out of being around them/hanging out. But then i'll go and do it again with another person that becomes my friend or another friend group. I've been doing this for years as I feel like its the norm to me now. I would get in arguments/fights. So instead of dealing with the drama of fights, I kinda just leave them. Recently I just did this with a friend group where I pretty mush just left them without notice. Now i'm slowing getting into another friend group but I can already tell that i'm going to get burnt out again. But I feel addicted to doing this, like I want to be with them a lot cause I have nothing else to do. I guess in the end i'm just trying to solve my boredom by group hopping. (I feel like an annoying person and a bad friend for doing this but it's all I know)",3.0106993006993013,4.58045001831502,3.6861754911754936,90.73647602397604,74.45787545787545,6.5753579753579725,23.764402264402264,7.1686216300943375,0.7452212454212449,1057,31,226,11,22,334,127,273,0.061,0.7390000000000001,0.2,0.9902,1,0,1,0,2,0,24.0,0,3,7,0,14,20,2,0,13,0,16,1,0,3,2,49,38,19,0,2,12,0,4,5,10,1,1,4,0,2,12,19,0,0,6,4,0,4,1,5,0,1,2,8,29,15,47,32,6,40,0,0,0,0,30,18,0,5,22,151,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948178954133858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057982548634824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25821124933327555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573938313347286,0.08410298512560062,0.0,0.07307062229716213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853526644485887,0.0,0.18130683554902516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432110136722795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462321562308575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575850129578813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371384071830369,0.0,0.07270052745915541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601304700009084,0.17591876917185642,0.0,0.0,0.07502170726750647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.63416557793542,0.0,0.300192185911866,0.0,0.09329849067479712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042287387932592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251268327205196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04511026867450962,0.0,0.0,0.08691327164505103,0.08918262596957817,0.0,0.0,0.20050625368439973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978341023004866,0.0,0.0,0.10958110452672087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551728439581074,0.0,0.1206798251631854,0.0,0.0,0.2378267020792174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876015134601104,0.0934512078511605,0.0,0.0,0.055621070111765016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334214331461978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350717717914515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825153521116813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810463386418856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174352145610509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557284729615417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048414249223045866,0.06515308490543087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912437867504522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058308889189819364,0.0,0.0,0.052858290378177734 bpd,apeaceofmind_9999999,2020/03/29,I can’t stop hanging out with my toxic ex. He is my FP... my first love.. it’s hard to let go... but I think he uses me... he’s narcissistic. Idk what to do guys. I’ve tried meditating. But I literally can’t distract myself. I want to run away.. I’ve been planning at the end of the month to take my car and drive away. Alone and I want to camp. And live. And meet new people. But I don’t have money. I don’t have a job now. The world is in a pandemic. I want to die. But I want to be free? I know people who have just left everything behind for a new life and they seem pretty happy. Will I ever be happy?,-2.629493835171964,-1.045690477611938,0.859785853341986,99.27525308241405,106.76119402985071,3.822972096041532,11.796236210253086,5.7926816847441245,-1.2108782608695652,452,8,115,5,23,161,81,134,0.109,0.71,0.18100000000000002,0.8992,1,1,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,1,2,3,5,0,1,6,0,15,2,0,1,1,22,26,9,1,4,5,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,7,0,1,3,0,2,5,4,1,0,1,1,1,18,5,16,21,0,20,0,0,0,1,9,7,0,1,8,71,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687647195136445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061895373443893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16911403133735115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432333504534925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739556268195386,0.0,0.0,0.1464469246800739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860326714584162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260695760735108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613438844010855,0.0,0.3469218053293477,0.14596917173160745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170049190220345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955181822517977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770431997933268,0.16662510749559614,0.11509480997754801,0.0,0.0,0.14388584260929269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706670016579532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006333403055992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147518915979733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22593489623678065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657764356316146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834150554339254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362316096535903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251642380882954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441033431749824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063082147943068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407345320294836,0.0,0.0,0.3844432031397457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,helm65,2020/03/29,"Mental health nurse offering help to anyone stuck in quarantine and needs help managing through hard times Hey guys and gals I am a registered mental health nurse here in the UK a lot of my friends are struggling with being stuck inside and as this subbed helped me through a hard time dealing some sad bpd news, allow me to cut to the chase if you feel your in a low point of crisis and can’t get through to a crisis team number feel free to message me or if you have any questions about coping and you can’t get through don’t hesitate to get in touch and I can see what I can do for you.",5.507898465171191,5.326625834710747,5.291924439197167,87.90983471074381,67.51239669421489,8.567178276269184,28.85596221959858,7.957251820313856,1.5588904368358918,470,14,102,5,7,145,76,121,0.201,0.688,0.111,-0.8807,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,5,0,1,2,6,1,1,7,0,10,2,0,1,0,18,19,10,0,3,3,0,5,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,3,1,1,0,3,4,0,0,2,6,12,3,20,16,2,8,0,2,1,0,16,6,0,6,2,63,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213507503266614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558143804967067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22620160982196405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18516110291288534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18162367533620205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875955548996655,0.0,0.28150287375128524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17783357082131715,0.0,0.0,0.3217750599623865,0.0,0.0,0.3818156675222587,0.0,0.0,0.3611489920086627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526906429645668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361991831006757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317212338545434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978132558993014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011946128005332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143119020822383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187758323948095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20945397998321685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,casey_vee,2020/03/29,"I have a quick question if you don't mind sharing your experiences. So bit of background I have BPD and I don't really like to share to much about online due to I keep myself to myself in general but I'm curious about who else with BPD has a comfort item. I have a Teddy bear named stu he's 16 years old going on 17 and I'm now 20. Does anyone else have an item or stuffed toy they can't cope without?",0.372070707070705,2.2872345909090903,2.705151515151517,93.08328282828285,83.77272727272728,5.729292929292932,20.005050505050505,6.937597516519254,0.25325353535353523,316,9,73,4,9,108,64,88,0.040999999999999995,0.86,0.099,0.6811,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,1,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,12,12,6,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,10,4,11,12,4,8,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,3,6,45,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401361050171544,0.22568635151088184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24047108446977705,0.0,0.5548292354512075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19275438596503375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680043784763612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21546031788269687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518102615752202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957806369927418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760979478093004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224037058322403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619192790920328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23112986599914115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467459300684925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110666724521514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123264984241408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418427025478127 bpd,ArthurWick,2020/03/29,"I can't take anymore of the ghosting I'm done searching for friends. I'm just done. No one keeps their word, everyone ghosts, no one, absolutely no one sticks around. I can't take the pain anymore, it will kill me. I'm just done with it all. I hate everyone and I hate my life, fuck it all because it's not worth living. Goodbye to all the fucking ghosts",0.497747336377472,2.862664589041098,1.7979908675799088,96.61866057838662,88.04109589041096,4.888280060882801,23.179604261796044,6.42735559955562,0.4535065449010656,277,11,62,3,9,88,44,73,0.289,0.6409999999999999,0.07,-0.9521,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,1,0,3,7,5,0,3,0,6,4,0,0,3,11,16,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,6,0,3,3,0,7,1,5,12,3,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,38,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264810875443752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653030930540395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033959918767793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5053337134828986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145677389730317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271707772075814,0.30434302822564696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32501997765627233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630545282516674,0.18210726740695546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162629681998002,0.0,0.0,0.14534621627985628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33461488425113695,0.0,0.17514769302092362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475198158460465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ConsistentDonut,2020/03/29,"How do I remind myself of good things when I’m sober?? So I’m pretty fucked up after weed, coke, and alcohol and I feel great and super communicative and self reflective. The problem is right now I love everyone and I know everyone loves me or would love me if they knew me and knew I only want to make everyone else feel loved and validated. Problem is, I will never remember this shit or feel this way when I’m sober. :/ I’m making myself sad. I just want to always be like this, unashamed and brave and outgoing. Fuck.",2.3770873786407805,4.617704815533983,3.893019417475728,85.49700485436894,78.51456310679612,7.6151456310679615,21.9504854368932,8.548686976883017,1.4457036893203885,408,12,82,9,10,135,64,103,0.168,0.519,0.313,0.9585,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,6,15,3,0,1,0,6,9,1,3,1,30,26,16,0,6,4,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,9,2,0,8,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,3,13,9,5,21,0,8,0,1,0,6,6,2,3,3,6,48,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632239535051407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171166561154212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219313729626295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4193131568694317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22188155158435716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704558671594296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268767096117225,0.0,0.16126757468821706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038835169287982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146207598143295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5280718962293535,0.0,0.1952780293362778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128155076248956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124794993728636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881321981019485,0.0,0.2799288801760559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569990014952551,0.12491717608735428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259565790564944,0.0,0.15014813412304495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717792989278984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255236148430025,0.11610547347977572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390883558760608,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,livingwithbpdaint4me,2020/03/29,"You’d think that people would text back during the quarantine knowing that no one has anything better to do But all four people I reached out to today to all ignored me. And every time, they say it’s them, not me. I don’t want to call them liars, but it’s one hell of a coincidence if it isn’t that no one wants anything to do with me all at once.",5.026599999999998,3.9454673600000056,5.8825,86.28375000000004,68.73333333333333,8.566666666666668,28.083333333333336,7.1686216300943375,1.2397333333333331,272,7,63,2,4,90,51,75,0.20199999999999999,0.757,0.04,-0.912,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,3,1,1,4,2,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,3,16,11,4,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,4,0,1,9,1,9,9,3,5,1,0,0,0,6,2,1,1,3,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3933864547145273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18379175062143466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113939093807073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24406630929556225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20138479520586924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135923003041464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545486715861855,0.4858987426610745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314129695506309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19007842626257865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315446849641245,0.0,0.0,0.13937457851855756,0.0,0.2265631655310648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819605685050396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697930651481916,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,floneddter,2020/03/29,"How's social distancing/quarantine treating you? Need advice and tips! This is my first post here after being a long time lurker. I've been taking a lot of things I've read here into my daily life but social distancing is slowly killing me. I know many of us would die for some situation like this where we can close up on ourselves and no need for explanation but this time I'm having the hardest of times. I've been treating myself for the past 3 years, and I feel like I walked a marathon and was finally ready to stop and this happened. I also have an immune disease, so I've been home for the past 15 days, turned to different kinds of arts, read a lot, but today I felt drained. Just feel like this will never go away, I'm neurotic thinking my friends and relationships won't last through this. Then I get creative again, and start something. Then out of nowhere my heart starts racing. All more of the usual things J haven't felt in months. So how are you dealing with it? How are you keeping yourself busy and your mind at work?",4.348529411764705,5.716001500000001,4.464000000000002,87.281,70.76470588235293,7.2047058823529415,26.835294117647056,7.554174236665415,1.3243611764705892,822,27,165,9,15,255,131,204,0.10800000000000001,0.779,0.113,-0.3468,1,1,1,0,0,0,21.0,2,4,0,2,11,8,1,0,9,0,16,3,1,3,2,37,34,19,2,3,4,0,4,3,1,3,2,0,1,0,9,13,0,2,6,4,0,2,4,1,0,1,6,4,18,7,22,24,5,34,0,0,0,0,11,9,0,3,25,106,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207648119409636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988300453274912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611119522464515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970142806791125,0.12740963255189214,0.0,0.0,0.12826063540996924,0.12911893099127894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497552333222413,0.1765768063695336,0.23731995749856,0.1353801835604958,0.0,0.10512045022781616,0.0,0.0,0.0954806581939528,0.0,0.06456751650809235,0.0,0.07023561044682845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092848845509626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644758343284628,0.0,0.0,0.12396478474436255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984709883709383,0.13672733733109316,0.12869367303639204,0.06791851046804763,0.100737419041851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872910032560353,0.1811306359716017,0.0,0.0,0.10936791250245216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101333207480456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529473457650175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478456619382512,0.0,0.098643534982743,0.0,0.0,0.18327187556966335,0.09531556592742332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23594974050509296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835926852313225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24723480005769674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268291922818656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891354502033051,0.0,0.2519565606227148,0.0,0.09514096744497104,0.0,0.0,0.17494672092410812,0.0,0.0,0.1033217213197212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291975504108807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420737854912976,0.07918760919497926,0.0,0.0,0.2161883965344639,0.0,0.11714314042669682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442385659669953,0.0,0.0,0.1486562831242725,0.0,0.13611026822543834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997059217713163,0.0,0.0,0.08779049686877144,0.0,0.0,0.07958401609791327 bpd,TheReindeerMan,2020/03/29,"I'm tired of always looking to fill the void I have long suspected having BPD, but I don't have a diagnosis so I have no idea what's the case. It's so tiring constantly having to look for something to fill this emptiness I feel constantly. When my mind's not occupied there's always doubts that creep into my mind that bring me anger, sadness and anxiety. When I'm not with other people I feel like the only ""personality traits"" I have are anger, sadness and anxiety. I feel like I need someone else or else I'm not even a person, just a mess. I constantly look for things in life to make me happy, but I feel like I'm just not able to feel happiness, at least not long enough that I can look back and remember it afterwards. It's so tiring living a life where you're just looking for the next thing hoping it'll make you happy, that it might be the one thing to save you from yourself.",3.7990522736931567,4.878868718232045,4.899668508287295,84.73291117722059,71.76243093922652,8.221164470888228,24.97280067998301,8.617729084823388,1.5312810029749255,702,20,146,12,13,231,95,181,0.19,0.6509999999999999,0.159,-0.5236,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,0,12,14,2,1,9,0,12,5,0,2,0,33,31,11,0,2,11,0,5,3,0,2,5,0,0,2,15,5,0,0,8,0,0,3,7,6,0,1,0,10,17,8,15,28,2,17,0,2,5,0,4,4,0,4,13,94,32,0,0.09809908654849976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16325259712465387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15009106540118952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543214226055975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355236538651106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180307866598807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389839802284814,0.0,0.0,0.1013625799433848,0.0,0.0647935214707641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480092285333569,0.2102460210941176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132849053279405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743452766651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074192805140223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385805719277193,0.14377877553401014,0.0,0.0866232906809061,0.1736292091943929,0.4118926290722825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309638040460293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040676283578586,0.1981042250158468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273922966670035,0.0,0.0,0.10432949145420188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647447986957819,0.07460877583427462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800955478581261,0.17131267703197944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112714178541558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311903768897554,0.07552146951277608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19551802235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382514070866933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kalcala1991,2020/03/29,"Mentally exhausted. I am so tired of being so jealous and insecure. He says its all in my head and he is mostly right. When we are watching tv and an attractive women comes out all I can think is ""he probably wants her"". When we are out in public and I see him checking out women I get in an infuriating rage. When I find the porn on his phone I go to my room and lay in bed crying. They all end up with me telling him to leave me alone and when he doesn't I start to get violent. When he does I start crying and feeling intense regret. He already knows how I get. I tell him ""Why are you with me? I am crazy!"" and he says ""So am I"". I go through this rollercoaster of emotions and it's so exhausting.",-0.4456009957325726,1.7351532094594615,2.0384352773826464,94.32192745376958,91.22972972972971,5.548221906116644,19.951635846372692,7.0608816371341465,0.4417918918918917,537,18,124,9,19,183,84,148,0.24100000000000002,0.7240000000000001,0.035,-0.9868,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,1,1,0,10,8,3,1,3,0,11,5,1,1,3,28,24,19,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,2,2,3,17,0,0,4,1,1,3,1,7,0,0,0,5,27,1,17,23,4,22,0,1,2,1,24,11,0,1,8,84,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830414587277816,0.1950285896385131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522393070157597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38826446846768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465970748516578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19880015381407026,0.15653244262953478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936120776391776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153020479003188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770061418574808,0.0,0.20088218269365124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813784218019136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712750085977999,0.0,0.0,0.18713408530863185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810468354170603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905474104283405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509284973795579,0.0,0.2810893837603893,0.0,0.0,0.1408328350475597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501841938210053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30894380134113625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324298084816885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031278865700629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424134396020884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594734950906119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fizzy_bubblech420,2020/03/29,"I know you probably hate these But I tried talking to a counsellor about my feelings, but felt basic and glossed over and not worth the time taken up because I felt fine. And I’m scared of my mind a lot because it takes me to dark self hurting places but then I’m fine again and I forget the dark places happened. I don’t know if I have BPD, I probably don’t. I’m just being dramatic and I don’t know why I’m writing this instead of sleeping Or if anyone is reading this You should’nt read this Sorry I’m gonna delete this if I remember I posted this",1.5204895104895115,3.4292358119658144,3.08125874125874,91.91601398601401,79.76923076923076,5.9639471639471635,25.166278166278172,6.980632752743323,0.9597247863247866,438,17,95,5,11,144,69,117,0.145,0.8140000000000001,0.040999999999999995,-0.8823,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,4,5,1,1,4,0,7,1,1,0,0,26,23,13,0,4,9,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,7,2,1,0,5,3,0,0,3,3,15,2,7,17,1,8,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,5,3,58,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455187872600292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19973524027873804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20633478783467565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283602080848328,0.0,0.3145998578515291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487196739558753,0.0,0.0,0.1617455716838706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538054575757278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701056493177363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928013794964136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541890197700845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34232938320026657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690129665143862,0.0,0.35326714242593205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277433291912441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18558442933275468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401973783279106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090763522199565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394564473217474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833912838580924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317776404330677,0.13167820266190694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955290339334469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122800356443648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782868414924755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mtizzle416,2020/03/29,DAE find it difficult to watch tv Like I can’t stop switching my mood in between wanting to watch something light hearted and something graphic so I just end up switching in between shows lmao,5.241666666666667,7.539602055555558,4.495555555555558,84.20500000000001,70.1111111111111,5.911111111111111,39.77777777777778,6.42735559955562,2.910011111111112,158,10,26,1,3,47,29,36,0.11699999999999999,0.723,0.16,0.4019,0,0,2,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,1,7,2,0,5,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,3,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426815522045336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536226763953925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45848236352701294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18902144631038229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5957142425968284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234685467928343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282056355353331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,probablygonnadie2020,2020/03/29,"Have any of you really really wanted to DBT to work so badly, but just couldn't find success with it? I'm at a weird point in my therapy path. I've been doing DBT for 5 years. I got some benefits early on, but things still got bad for me and I am worse off now than I was when I started, or at least I reverted back to being just as bad. My life is a complete mess -- actually mess is an understatement. The skills all seem great when I'm not in crisis. But when the trigger hits and the other evil me takes over my body and starts destroying things, the skills just seem so stupid. That version of me is like ""What the fuck is this nonsense? How is this going to help?"" Thus, I do not do the skills. My therapist has told me that sometimes I need to just do them anyway. I have attempted this during a crisis, and it often feels like it just gets swallowed up by the crisis and does not much of anything. I have told my therapist that I would really like to discuss my trauma because these crises keep occurring because i keep getting triggered. By life. By anything. I feel like life is a minefield and everywhere I step there's a trigger. I get triggered by the stupidest shit, it's bewildering. I want to deal with these memories so the skill use is easier. But he is not into that approach. He said he wants me to learn to handle crises with skills FIRST because talking about my trauma might induce a crisis. I am not so sure. I think a lot about my trauma and it is very therapeutic for me to work through the details of it all and talk about how different things that happened to me likely impacted who I became. I feel like all my life I've been screaming for people to hear me, to know what happened, to know why I'm like this, and I crave that feeling of being heard. Most of my outbursts stem from frustration and feeling misunderstood. I really want to do what he wants to do. He is the professional after all. but........DBT just seems like it's missing something. How do I feel safe again using DBT? How do I get relief from the constant tension in my chest and the constant emptiness? How do I get to a place in life where I'm not dreaming about being rescued and I'm happy with where I am? It feels like such a long road. I meet a lot of people who have learned to use all the skills, even the Distress Tolerance ones which are the hardest for me. I am trying another round...just because I don't know what else to do. I am doubling down and hoping maybe the solution is that I just didn't try hard enough before. I don't know.",2.700653798256539,4.526600046966735,3.8567350115637815,88.09686554883474,75.92759295499022,6.8372353673723545,24.333792919409362,7.686295010490155,1.1531992172211352,1988,65,410,28,44,646,223,511,0.174,0.674,0.152,-0.9643,2,0,1,0,0,0,61.0,0,1,1,11,34,36,6,2,28,0,44,10,3,14,6,92,97,31,0,9,18,0,8,9,0,2,5,4,0,0,32,18,1,3,19,1,0,3,10,19,0,2,10,12,53,17,61,80,14,36,0,1,0,1,20,17,2,11,25,287,85,6,0.0,0.0,0.07164112891399184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049923797064353896,0.07698060938301891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082635160206436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056450562585484775,0.1838919849502318,0.17900910996184358,0.0,0.06246960597985037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154601131206002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697281157619007,0.15866814232798146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568624593354904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670163526845332,0.0,0.0,0.06424477675629531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061327681396681225,0.0,0.0,0.07585592151360686,0.0,0.04848902111629064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598410184379488,0.20978689484253935,0.0,0.0,0.06709874287800277,0.06244561018844048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786973319459859,0.19177800123391814,0.0,0.04172266711001248,0.0,0.11743119910093468,0.08093880441186563,0.0,0.0,0.12983889025148646,0.0781501917940772,0.06576420733207053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274251511887573,0.0,0.0492076197390858,0.0,0.0,0.07291631574013123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050684428094575,0.0,0.0,0.16138488068023668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592711480245299,0.32279579461144603,0.0,0.0,0.06496876693783807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482731387277465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375387534910974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788027744785242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396747724171092,0.05443528864043625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974698681171097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179155765154008,0.0,0.07670163526845332,0.0,0.06939962530666681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881226471835132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983318935381426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004990795819128,0.0,0.0,0.07535805312436215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565174117228778,0.07260797354606882,0.0,0.10392511366624592,0.0,0.05862823290738105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919149298807299,0.0,0.055197925708329695,0.11801421635455105,0.0,0.0,0.0839549028071422,0.17047780382806824,0.14631829385322545,0.04704050034819729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402997705595456,0.0,0.0996860939167081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902174582490581,0.0,0.06057394684108777,0.21650635386537728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624439718163311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068920179725344,0.0,0.07481477766152886,0.05215094811557578,0.0,0.0,0.04727598136909262 bpd,Lovinglifting123,2020/03/29,"DBT Skills to help stop compulsive lying? Hello! I have had a continued problem with compulsively lying throughout the past 6 years. I’m not sure why I lie or what I get out of it. It is beginning to seriously impact my relationships. I do not want to lie, and when my partner says “just stop lying” I truly want to. I’m unsure of why I cannot stop. I see a therapist, and will be bringing this up in session. In the meantime, what skills do you utilize to help stop compulsive lying/other behaviors? It almost feels like second nature now, and I often find myself not even realizing I’m telling a lie until it’s coming out of my mouth. Please help!",2.259483173076924,4.621769203125004,4.3828125,81.17709134615386,79.625,7.063461538461539,23.90865384615385,8.139509932561175,1.6799487980769232,510,18,95,10,13,175,79,128,0.22399999999999998,0.6629999999999999,0.113,-0.9048,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,2,5,4,0,0,5,0,8,1,1,0,1,25,19,6,0,3,5,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,7,7,0,4,3,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,1,3,13,2,15,16,0,18,0,0,1,0,9,5,0,3,12,61,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421746622823403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986976488228246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491322270626175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797033735701884,0.12429250793741345,0.0,0.0,0.1590160536579621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089821843630096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3498486483586399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499863401121238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660851478601661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19097957896994852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647691876062393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18679115485660966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383571716163759,0.0,0.0,0.13864082995397567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5818257168096311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397562293634166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152067609136061,0.0,0.0,0.20200607670328485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052377407197786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31398271159644325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120384625355624 bpd,angelsanddoves,2020/03/29,"i hate dating This past week had literally been the worst week of my fucking life. I've been dating my bf for ove a year now and we live like four hours apart and we havent seen each other since january. We got into this pretty heated argument last week over something so fucking petty (i went to him and told him that im feeling insecure because of how he treated me last year and it had an impact on my self esteem) and im blaming myself bc i feel like its all my fault. Well we took a break and friday he told me that he thinks it'd be best to go our separate ways and im freaking out. His reason is because of a mistake i made a month ago but i thought we had moved on because we had a heart to heart and started seeing a therapist again...but i guess hes not over it. He said that his trust in me is gone but that he will talk to me on Monday and think about all the things I said on the phone. I've apologized profusely since the mistake happened last month and i even sent him a message last night telling him that i love him so much, how I will do anything to gain his trust back, and how much he means to me. I don't want the relationship to end because we've been through a lot together and overcame our problems and he's literally the only person I see myself with...I'm just stuck and I wish he could see that I love and care for him and that my one mistake doesn't define me. I don't know what to do because I've revolved my life around him. How do I salvage this?? What do I do??",2.750174458225434,3.594677278996865,4.060509745127437,90.65394302848577,74.0156739811912,6.927136431784108,25.468311298895998,7.079830092131019,0.8786308027804282,1168,37,267,11,23,385,158,319,0.095,0.759,0.146,0.9743,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,8,0,0,2,13,21,3,1,15,0,24,8,2,6,2,54,58,24,0,7,4,0,2,2,1,2,2,2,0,2,18,26,0,0,8,0,0,6,5,11,1,2,20,8,50,10,25,33,8,41,0,0,4,4,43,11,2,2,24,170,68,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835906564031463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776003045332503,0.08394638633076064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251035539224343,0.0,0.2874199473682489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989613172539628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614444021634756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529033284041765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835212069183836,0.0,0.0,0.06228381069612748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536113790533296,0.06736745217832048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435640138624575,0.0,0.0,0.053592475991323024,0.0,0.07541977963507082,0.0,0.10388133103536386,0.0,0.08338857616886339,0.0,0.0,0.09310105444697374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234902935756144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286583384704386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055783383802113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05182443946124523,0.30746612307244675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332127952329577,0.09213976782665403,0.0,0.08326802612634034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016990865119718,0.1702176337803121,0.08922829549176868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271960294399582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505376331644201,0.10022525229868147,0.1386416990439516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849352266397813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389965889087397,0.07171888122223047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001936996583115,0.0,0.0823385278644032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593630841630388,0.0,0.09023171267127196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695540523519557,0.0,0.10124217783482416,0.0,0.0,0.17940049297297606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254330442810796,0.0,0.09837475540477666,0.0,0.0,0.1560107419141621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259622264472107,0.0,0.0,0.06674554318840784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579422044064751,0.0824217610244345,0.0,0.0,0.1094887772229297,0.06264827725213935,0.12084639166922287,0.0,0.07486312577519053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021408040561693,0.10477001288648488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055620181427541784,0.07485040997556365,0.2269236764342539,0.0,0.0847864124761243,0.08741641325349943,0.0,0.0,0.10843956278369916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145133913940592 bpd,playboyhunties,2020/03/30,"HELP! IM A PREGNANT MESS! I’m 12 weeks along and nuttier than ever. I want to run away. I feel like my partner and I are not compatible, as our blended family and parenting styles are far different. Idk what to do. Please help with a coping skill suggestion. I cannot even think straight...and going to ye olde psych ward is not an option with all this corona bs going on.",1.6531081081081105,4.043230459459462,3.32560810810811,87.69489864864866,82.24324324324327,6.943243243243244,21.41216216216216,8.07648339933343,1.2107891891891889,290,9,59,6,8,96,58,74,0.061,0.769,0.17,0.8011,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,2,14,11,4,0,1,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,1,7,1,10,11,1,9,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,4,35,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24828879768874704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761041609523999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454674132903394,0.2390458365126713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24912866472557724,0.0,0.13362200935338234,0.18879334963518013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003795670010774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35426698565090464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854551479154707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910815861461228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27730516037820185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934387093385171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900872709383945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16933247686261474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587230954240072,0.0,0.21198011601681374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DadTryingToHelp,2020/03/30,Please help me help my 19 year old daughter with BPD My daughter just threw a fit and moved out. She was suicidal so I called the cops. When they arrived I said everything was OK because I didn’t want them putting her into a mental hospital again. Now she just texted her (ex) boyfriend saying she just took a lot of pills.,2.669739583333332,4.852919828125003,2.7668750000000024,94.22395833333336,77.28125,6.1416666666666675,24.729166666666664,7.1686216300943375,0.8803416666666668,255,9,54,3,6,77,51,64,0.065,0.725,0.209,0.7865,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,0,4,1,3,1,0,0,0,9,7,3,1,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,2,13,1,4,1,1,12,0,0,0,0,15,3,0,1,5,33,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997689392327784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30986470434138363,0.0,0.251222947645591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22111485237230344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32981588333237066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091649169745084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24793919852557425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26148971513752395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25816587525004625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27006577915307645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473269322417021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23402976159757705,0.19565200402851496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691156127919699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733470876481103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511418094556033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843450301322848 bpd,SatomuraMomiji,2020/03/30,"I wanna help my best friend First of all I don't have BPD (but I empathize with and wish the best for all of you guys) but my best friend does (diagnosed BPD, dunno for how long) and recently her behavior is worrying me. Also I hope I have flaired it correctly (if not please warn me) So, she has been acting like EVERYONE should do stuff and things for her, and if people recuse to do it, she'll IMPLORE for you to do it and even if you still denying it she'll pretend she's sad or hurt until she gets what she wants. And she thinks everyone hates her (nobody mistreats her (and if someone did it I'd probably murder the person) but when she feels something, as you may expect SHE REALLY FEELS IT, and if people don't reciprocate her the same way that's enough for her to start thinking you hate her) And at one of our recent chats she told me that ""You know, I was never sure of who I am my whole life so I just act based on what I expect people are expecting me to do"" and at the beginning of the year I asked her if she had any New Year's resolutions and all her resolutions were about other people and nothing about her, like she just lives for the others. Also she has a HUGE fear of being hated by other people, and many people already abandoned her and so she always assumes everyone will get tired of her for being the way she is and will just abandon her and move on. She already regularly goes to a therapist and a psychiatrist and takes A LOT of meds daily (to a point one day she broke down with me saying she couldn't take it anymore having to take all those meds and that she just wanted to live a normal life) so yeah (sometimes I wonder if she really opens up with her therapist but I don't know and I don't judge her if she doesn't, I imagine how hard it must be) I always try to help her with whatever I can but the past few months have been REALLY hard and I often don't know what to do to help her. What would you guys recommend me?",2.97501240694789,4.27543930521092,4.2958808933002475,87.41766749379654,74.06203473945409,7.482878411910669,22.42928039702233,8.049812674583475,0.9644808933002479,1532,38,328,23,31,506,183,403,0.139,0.741,0.12,-0.9372,0,0,1,0,0,1,32.0,1,7,0,4,18,19,4,1,14,1,40,4,0,2,8,84,64,46,1,21,19,0,4,2,2,8,4,1,0,3,22,26,0,2,10,2,0,3,9,10,0,3,7,5,72,9,42,45,12,30,0,5,0,0,59,9,0,16,18,256,94,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741825544853368,0.1285710173646244,0.13377695934614145,0.0,0.0,0.054665962358715264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797223701191357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515105647556387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25308380295210664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20248939438078714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05184300815682378,0.0,0.0,0.08159118118207041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034726431918999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083061329345666,0.0,0.05309489980774559,0.0,0.0,0.2304398631716065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045779965534063,0.08129223318301346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837719838553055,0.0,0.0,0.12421369758519872,0.0,0.08399784962805651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919167014117702,0.0,0.0,0.14402204535570573,0.23809675913896264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616452701875623,0.0,0.0,0.07984249608354177,0.0,0.0,0.08605601815695071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132535889665393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355952593381348,0.07854612115711969,0.0,0.14196650638274666,0.07114002493315688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834220995562956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149986900011243,0.0,0.0,0.17858381962181924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416419018704164,0.08543873069949103,0.0,0.0,0.06199946201261565,0.07763833052856478,0.0,0.0,0.07876225817032625,0.07713355913220311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894471448167244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673855173073665,0.33438162476951616,0.07019088649868964,0.0,0.0882408601197668,0.07599176200145244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866708547733762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449404123597732,0.0,0.15874506199508606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392702242310573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811170126327662,0.06188589176965551,0.07950486505855202,0.0,0.056898379989816686,0.0,0.0641972157915301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202395962909578,0.0,0.0,0.07576385959492643,0.0,0.18132321096256526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866711619520568,0.05340559555770759,0.10301757368554697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239310845401176,0.0,0.07681328772386882,0.0,0.0545775419557287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482875010945904,0.12761502463651694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974928986052262,0.09244116018023643,0.0,0.08717634541166626,0.0,0.08163696893130264,0.0,0.05710466619721394,0.0,0.0,0.10353327150427907 bpd,mythkillax,2020/03/30,"lockdown this lockdown is driving me absolutely insane.. i rely on my boyfriend way too much and it’s only been a week and it’s killing me. my head is going crazy and i’m taking it all out on him and it’s putting so much pressure on him. i feel so bad about it but i literally can’t do anything about it cos of the fact i’m just splitting all the time. being shut inside all the time is making me more impulse.. buying stuff, self harming etc.. nothing i seem to do is getting the feeling away. i’ve got another couple weeks of this and probably even more if the government decide to extend it.. i don’t know what to do with my self and all my stress and anxiety is being pushed onto other people but somehow still staying inside of me :(",2.054247871333964,4.040862622516556,3.8548391674550615,86.63584437086094,78.40397350993378,5.903689687795647,25.355250709555346,6.868970318607317,1.0965171239356677,580,22,115,6,14,195,90,151,0.151,0.825,0.024,-0.9617,0,2,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,10,5,1,2,6,0,13,1,1,2,5,26,24,12,1,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,12,9,0,0,5,0,1,4,2,5,0,0,2,2,15,0,15,20,9,18,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,3,5,87,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821186586602632,0.13286475031323086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292386914668476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631781087549463,0.0,0.14501557342784158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19217365372035472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936991476963897,0.11471402417081925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17563568696848128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907406491717688,0.0,0.09870636554716974,0.0,0.13890778883497729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824582115429438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19215122432958773,0.0,0.09545000433581494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593277106892115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25534961713895515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16665067640606146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320914918672853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040786693568732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18725645147423808,0.0,0.0,0.17459640450516326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811177961450834,0.36237230648456864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18511980694320415,0.1387010991766588,0.0,0.19894989167382127,0.0,0.19882208587662867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058577051284487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025484485683797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13785912652365054,0.2786312934556168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ANTIHAPPYGANG,2020/03/30,Frustrated by girlfriend being secretive about our relationship. I was diagnosed with BPD almost 2 years ago now. I usually feel like no one cares or could ever care anyways. I've been dating this girl for just about a month now and I really like her. We always have really good times together and all and I really care about her she is just always so secretive about me and it just makes me feel like shit. I've already brought her into my life and really made her a part of it but her family and friends other than one don't even know that I exist. She says she just needs time and she'll tell her family and stuff when it feels ready. I want to support her with this...it's just so fucking hard for me. It makes me feel like the biggest fucking piece of shit that my girlfriend won't even tell anyone about me. And the thing is she's so sweet and caring around me it's just it's almost like she's embarrassed of me. I need some advice :( I don't want to ruin this by making it a big deal...,1.5052310924369756,3.721698220588237,3.0064145658263333,90.81029411764708,81.5,6.630812324929973,18.537815126050425,7.793537801064563,0.5446697478991593,783,18,167,14,21,256,106,204,0.09,0.6970000000000001,0.213,0.9772,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,2,0,0,0,22,20,5,1,5,0,11,6,2,4,2,44,32,16,0,5,8,0,5,5,3,2,2,1,0,1,14,15,0,0,7,0,0,1,4,7,0,2,4,7,32,13,19,24,4,16,0,1,0,2,26,4,4,4,16,115,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141009334356572,0.09199242089074708,0.0,0.20783619019398936,0.0,0.11452096310086085,0.0,0.17270225306063844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256358471889644,0.0,0.0,0.09238390552111904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070402706628262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4232319826766961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285782509299022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698996274074517,0.0,0.10533189638106956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708801377523613,0.0938726173838656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19566423046148965,0.0,0.2098919260186064,0.2224158278613089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017817694021069,0.1918811043182076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870435758614225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296418398542876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057033355789828086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330106051566966,0.2535020260460067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819670364418598,0.20781670025320745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283414621826668,0.0,0.0,0.15389928332646752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406445305828031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123808323746458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659298894349407,0.0,0.0,0.11141811101900208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252796937447178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213052059764448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880031689451365,0.0,0.11776538592679008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814120777841138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894510627197442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102689583161733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429616610927285,0.0,0.12242122170270578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668292557362701 bpd,Unlucky-Accident,2020/03/30,"Just started on the DBT workbook - can't stop crying Just started on the DBT workbook today. I got it about a week ago and couldn't look at it. My wife and I have been having some serious issues since I can't manage my emotions, and I don't understand what she's talking about half the time. I just, try to defend myself so hard that I can't see the circular arguments. And I can't see that she wasn't trying to hurt me to begin with. I lash out with my emotions, I'm snide, I'm an asshole. That she was just trying to address a problem seems alien to me. I have been ""yelled-at"" ( my term for it when my wife tries to talk to me about something important and I blow it out of proportion), Yelled-at so often lately and I feel so broken, my emotions so freaking invalid. Every time I look at the book it just seems to confirm to me that I am broken. I keep getting intrusive thoughts, ""I want to die"" because this feels so hopeless. And as mentioned in the title, I can't stop crying. I've tried nature (looking out the window cause quarantine), and taking breaks, and verbally telling myself to stop. But every time I sit back down I feel so overwhelmed again. Please tell me this gets better",3.9193235294117663,4.9368517166666726,4.764215686274512,86.05058823529413,71.41666666666666,7.147058823529411,27.450980392156865,7.285733465282438,1.3925539215686271,932,32,187,9,17,302,123,240,0.11699999999999999,0.784,0.099,-0.8482,0,1,1,0,0,2,34.0,0,0,0,1,18,7,0,1,10,0,15,0,0,1,0,37,38,18,1,3,6,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,12,14,0,4,7,1,0,0,8,6,0,1,6,9,34,1,28,31,2,28,0,3,5,0,10,9,0,4,17,126,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841025205568472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536554990528065,0.0,0.06767519405500537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981858938711614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404548034208235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438948647056143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521856350710973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37463899395141853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187073943495116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16840124281930208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600404874815952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879077929566484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944980999056732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884645344560102,0.0,0.0,0.11587335223686038,0.0,0.09867739149255543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252324950525083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796800387391751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186379870722168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622868594990198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769330342567358,0.20213219496964008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183476416982166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546664036590464,0.0,0.0,0.1571574147494689,0.0,0.0,0.27844662405161186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347129002632822,0.17846320770481475,0.19406825179525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813543755035791,0.19420546620549692,0.0,0.10523154139642256,0.0,0.0,0.3768677332587544,0.0,0.0,0.1155730584243957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654809557574102,0.0,0.08905148476401971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Columbia_ProbSolving,2020/03/30,"[MOD APPROVED] How do you respond when you have problems with friends, coworkers or family? **Teachers College, Columbia University, Problem Solving Study** Researchers at Teachers College, Columbia University are seeking young adults (18-24 years) to participate in a study aimed at understanding interpersonal problem solving and related thought processes. * Participation involves completing a screener survey and a single 70 minute online session of computer tasks. * Eligible participants will be compensated at the end of study completion. * We will only be recruiting individuals who have been involved in Reddit for 3 months or more. * This study is private and confidential. Your personal information (including your Reddit username) will **not** be linked to any of your study responses. Note: the research team will be able to see publicly available information on your Reddit profile (e.g., public posts), but this information will never be linked to your study participation. * If interested, please **send a private message to Columbia\_ProbSolving** to see if you qualify for participation. To protect your own privacy, please **do not** share any information that uniquely identifies you as a person in your private message to the research team, this includes names, contact information (e.g., phone, email, mail), and important dates (e.g., date of birth). * **Note: Reddit private messages are not monitored actively by the research team.** &#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/3wg7bv4hqvp41.jpg?width=1275&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4c6564447e9df1c3a32ede397eb6bc1532fe5039",9.604044700793082,14.210192890410964,7.186398702235043,53.80457281903392,81.28310502283105,9.6111992309541,40.92297524633501,8.99025400887824,6.212115981735161,1309,77,132,40,38,381,133,219,0.035,0.863,0.10300000000000001,0.94,1,0,0,0,0,0,96.0,1,11,0,4,2,6,0,0,9,0,18,0,0,1,1,29,22,12,0,5,8,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,5,6,0,1,9,3,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,2,12,3,24,10,3,18,0,0,2,0,40,7,0,4,9,86,17,13,0.13513549228282626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5856769977177197,0.16420441444035136,0.18379353749161345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28337398519642176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968993582344332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739371537342564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044053461196292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786386067235244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422482248735937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277663131959022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359901988848785,0.0,0.2966763801996612,0.0,0.0,0.1294224467066608,0.0,0.0,0.38791924700336666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21537098259649254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728248609159743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068081327552515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420441444035136,0.08702282643898887 bpd,Meggstaylor,2020/03/30,Do you think you are worth fighting for? Stopped myself in my tracks today with this.,2.5874999999999986,5.490152750000004,1.5425000000000004,98.2525,84.0,3.2,20.5,3.1291,-0.5730249999999999,68,2,13,0,2,19,15,16,0.228,0.674,0.098,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,2,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5899902888725964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4521790754869913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6689137034982615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mercurialmrn,2020/03/30,"Does anyone else get extremely emotional when they're sick? Even when I was a kid, i remember laying on the couch sick. I was home from school and my mom was taking superb care of me with OJ, tissues, cartoons, the works. But if she wasnt sitting with me I would get so sad and cry. I felt like she didnt care. As I got older I noticed my emotional outbursts happened often when I was sick with a cold or flu. Now I'm so nervous about this coronavirus and how I might respond. I havent been sick in years so Idk what will happen. It always feels like no one cares and I have this heavy blanket of emotions on me. Obviously the added emotional turmoil doesnt help your immune system either :/",2.3156502490315454,4.401530194244606,3.521007194244607,88.86288323187605,77.9928057553957,6.29131156613171,23.641947980077475,7.321109707123232,0.9790128389596012,543,18,110,7,13,176,92,139,0.242,0.608,0.15,-0.9304,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,2,11,8,0,2,5,0,13,6,0,1,1,19,25,15,0,2,4,1,2,2,0,3,6,0,2,1,4,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,9,3,19,5,11,13,1,11,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,4,8,72,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148702012414368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652906585454908,0.14145043815607564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4222591960466284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164347868847844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081010734025145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153246091984559,0.6211590158048095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118194725937424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980316513949758,0.09862427174681458,0.13255142881165413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144252791179935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041267854579473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441575963089351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253324741384064,0.0,0.1384772651519972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489032473382878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645120044318094,0.0,0.16168466235562234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571729502468923,0.0,0.0,0.09354750876284997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638583845045134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971584601036705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379781309037074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050339356041553,0.0,0.0,0.09806807584744584,0.0,0.0,0.08890086746633684 bpd,SuperCoolThr0waway,2020/03/30,"I’m in the midst of an episode and don’t know what to do I’m not really in a good enough place to type out everything I want to say, but I’ll try to be as thorough as possible while keeping it short. So I recently matched with a girl on Tinder who is practically the holy grail: blindingly beautiful, shared interests, and best of all I can verify that she is exactly who she says she is. I really want this to go somewhere, so I’d like to meet her as soon as I can. Which, for her part, she seems enthusiastic about too. However, this quarantine is making that outside of the realm of possibility for the time being. As a result, my emotions are going into overdrive. My compulsion is to try and command her full attention all the time, but I’m self aware enough to realize that coming across as clingy is a bad look. I think I’ve been okay about giving her space, but I’ve basically been in a constant state of anxiety for days now. I’m deeply terrified that at any moment I could misstep and derail this whole thing. I don’t want to talk to her about any of this because I don’t want to come off as “crazy” or anything. My plan was to wow her once we met in person, but since nobody can go anywhere I don’t know when that’s going to be. I’m scared that if we go too long without meeting, she’ll lose interest and move on. I’ve known her for about a week and I absolutely realize that I should not have feelings this intense for someone this soon. When I fall for someone, though, I fall hard and fast. Which I again can’t tell her because I don’t know how she’d react. She isn’t the best at answering messages. She was actually pretty forthcoming about that, saying that she’s “not a texter.” At first I was fine with this but once I started getting more emotionally invested it’s become a problem for me. I’m one of those people who, if someone doesn’t respond to me as quickly as I respond to them, I basically start to figure “oh guess they hate me now” and I in turn start to get angry with them. I’m smart enough to not let on about this to her, because I realize that it’s my mind playing tricks on me. But it’s still an agonizing feeling. I really don’t know what the purpose of this post was. I guess it was mostly to vent, but I suppose I could ask for advice too. I’m sure most of you have this same problem where your feelings for certain people basically go from 0 to 100 and then back again at the drop of a hat. How do you manage this? How do you rationalize that not replying to you in a nanosecond DOESN’T mean you’re dead to them? I mean I’m self aware enough to realize this but not so self aware that it doesn’t affect me. Are there any...coping mechanisms I guess you’d say...to help you feel normal when you have your episodes?",2.984698040475422,4.348520542402832,4.437418888531962,86.16003453260521,74.14134275618375,7.830966912945713,25.93784131063283,8.438071523408619,1.5957116607773854,2161,74,463,38,44,720,246,566,0.099,0.767,0.134,0.951,1,1,0,0,0,0,54.0,2,9,4,5,30,21,2,1,20,1,45,1,0,7,5,86,94,41,1,12,18,0,5,1,0,2,1,3,0,5,39,18,0,1,20,1,1,11,18,7,0,2,8,10,70,14,81,76,15,64,0,1,2,0,56,23,0,9,28,321,109,2,0.0,0.0,0.07425863163249738,0.0,0.0,0.07436004299111604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349565709239857,0.0,0.05821316321085573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626204505088693,0.0,0.07113940407825309,0.0,0.0,0.05851305801609229,0.06353690669774383,0.13916208214149434,0.08404195454036738,0.0,0.0,0.15971592654611275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109977772118134,0.0,0.08223264562938136,0.0,0.1215127850280408,0.0,0.0,0.04907556698287634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711953140542297,0.0,0.3145096688571261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683900976201485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390551499992275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472714255545846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795139449348615,0.07299813123847251,0.2594823572392889,0.06382563933974053,0.0,0.0,0.2514846734696057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681669890034581,0.07512895738472528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051005484741923415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763754160416154,0.0,0.0,0.16728128921412996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778132240911582,0.0,0.03717661809313797,0.0,0.0,0.0673424861499111,0.06390139953352136,0.08513185921388806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050794611120040814,0.0,0.0,0.16578150952201626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768351770492275,0.0,0.0,0.08087791006824345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455783554974288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620793222555511,0.05156455829880238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240445552539548,0.0,0.10551064587520123,0.06644401384915613,0.0795040302316877,0.0,0.0,0.17157341082426164,0.0728788473589448,0.07741689790163961,0.0,0.1456270186476093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624696634494014,0.0,0.07513553129068655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24205808902530096,0.07618528139971571,0.0,0.0,0.06927485891148108,0.2381538915033785,0.0,0.0,0.0629473234779751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934274539520693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615832312407896,0.0,0.060770292382748614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171949504135115,0.0,0.0,0.0611630103581386,0.0665111797966326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050554741617702736,0.048759186798393896,0.07476384565743385,0.0,0.08874427466140766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332825625808376,0.08277049907922407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953335824270264,0.0,0.06103954932871481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495836647619233,0.0,0.0733537421852457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Gold_Being,2020/03/30,"DAE feel unseen if they are “high-functioning?” Hi everyone. I have not been diagnosed with BPD but this sub has given me such comfort because so much of what is posted resonates with me completely. I had THE most fantastic therapist for two years and she made me feel so incredibly seen and capable. She is ill right now and her illness makes it so that she can’t be there for me regularly. I grew very very attached to her and often feel like she’s the only one ever who will fully get me. I have had fantasies that she is my soulmate and the one who will save me and hold me forever and ever and I’ll be accepted for all that I am. I’m trying to find another therapist and I just met with one over Zoom and I’m so damn tired of therapists only looking at symptoms!!! I’m more than my actions! I’m a human being with real, deep emotions! I am one week into in a two-month NC break with my girlfriend of almost four years. It was a mutual agreement and we laid out all of the rules etc. I look at photos of her and just cry and cry and cry and cry and panic and I miss her and need her. She is the most incredible person and I had dumped all of my obsessive doubts (rocd I guess???...) on her and it truly hurt her. I KEEP HURTING HER. I need her to need me as much I need her. I keep looking for things that may hurt her to the point of her leaving me. I keep needing to confirm that she won’t. BUT I KEEP HURTING HER! Then my parents gave me suggestions and opinions on the situation and my relationship and I didn’t know WHAT I NEEDED OR WANTED. I couldn’t calm down enough to make a decision. Any decision seemed BAD. I don’t even know who I am. I cannot make my own decisions. I’m 25 years old and I feel like a child. Yet I feel like I’m not dysfunctional enough to be seen. I don’t care how high functioning I am. Just because I’m not actively destructive doesn’t mean I’m high functioning. Is getting out of bed at noon high-functioning? Is literally sitting on my phone for hours a day high-functioning? Fine, I’ll do behavior therapy but I need someone to validate where I’m coming from and who I am as a human being.",1.3031797614150555,3.363159895927605,3.438134512546277,88.30492698477993,81.26244343891403,7.0951048951048925,23.167626491155897,8.150884317080207,1.339057013574661,1662,58,359,34,44,566,204,442,0.159,0.718,0.12300000000000001,-0.9648,1,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,1,0,1,0,17,22,3,3,14,0,37,5,0,5,5,94,85,38,0,10,11,1,5,3,1,4,5,0,1,4,16,35,0,5,14,1,0,3,11,12,0,6,12,10,69,10,42,63,12,37,0,5,5,0,38,18,1,11,16,247,85,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878240537811339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04671107509447562,0.0720267134543771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057352690990296336,0.0837447116376617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651176068839381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003331271199624,0.0,0.0,0.059169744258311875,0.07201941745604018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30180785441231445,0.0442989118392577,0.0,0.0,0.06971818709114969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726620995768135,0.0,0.14194880415907707,0.07660671954272986,0.045368630589156064,0.12426679716896212,0.0,0.06563556363608347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17365685359621122,0.14721493518704482,0.0,0.0,0.06278076992579534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177464170490512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756690009840115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628700498856849,0.0,0.0,0.06764511777733015,0.0,0.2941332377967381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442168008852428,0.0,0.0,0.07549967874889531,0.0,0.0,0.07273204395615535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067435764711444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17304512031384384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499547042836619,0.13755191054855448,0.0,0.0,0.07482277767119164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054827138805968255,0.0,0.10098906855371767,0.35652568584409344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207785883524033,0.0,0.18618257210607006,0.10448260605998023,0.0,0.08059208608766301,0.07627133169700409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05997684168941358,0.0,0.0,0.06493358478020922,0.0,0.0657853557805476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818345410060347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374659506046194,0.0,0.05866028141020944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253215309091581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720964395883814,0.0,0.0,0.05820021554992665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139447669625337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855219354647006,0.2392606922392924,0.04563411448227362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894823837340383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046635521460997316,0.0,0.13419891777688278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335172186584737,0.040514725035038286,0.0,0.055098408040079205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270095900659004 bpd,C0mRADEdOgger,2020/03/30,"why does it feel like its always me? I feel like im dissociating, i just feel weird, i feel like crying i do not feel good whatsoever. My partner is upset and i feel like its all my fault...he doesn't wanna talk and im scared, he even said yesterday he wanted to overdose and im scared...he thinks im the reason for his problems and im just feeling so terrible, i cant even think straight today im just repeating over and over again in my head why is this happening to me why is this and that..it hurts so much i want it to stop ffs....",-0.7535057471264359,1.3582400862069015,1.8708275862068968,95.42359770114945,92.10344827586206,5.162298850574714,17.21609195402299,6.742157984588678,-0.14198666666666648,414,11,99,6,15,142,63,116,0.217,0.675,0.10800000000000001,-0.9229,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,8,11,0,2,1,0,6,1,1,1,1,26,19,8,0,4,4,0,7,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,6,6,0,1,10,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,8,13,5,8,18,2,9,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,9,51,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692240030531198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474877745313065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141713340508198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799494794369935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697408917266835,0.29851635449225955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761943067848459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237715305878816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721018196842992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183085182202444,0.0,0.6770341510289324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20414329699281256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679304553047228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995792127822703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074063705219224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936916757414724,0.0,0.10458666848272216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733656538016878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396419059175142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387260141273888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901963896880717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232311246683234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827874825123046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,riosolivia67,2020/03/30,"Medication Advice DAE experience severe disassociation after stopping Abilify or Citalopram? And, given the Pandemic, isolation in dreary Maine isn’t the most conducive to our diagnosis. I’m non-Essential (hah, can you imagine in future YA novels they’ll call it “E or n-E marked your ID chip...these were scanned by Trump-Ettes, the guards.”) so I’ve been laid off work. My roomie isn’t the most supportive or understanding, due to no fault of his own, he’s just a little on the Spectrum and doesn’t feel comfortable around “emotional things”. In conclusion, I don’t have a huge support system, I’m off my meds, and I’m actually vastly terrified what I might do in these recurring and longer lasting dissasociative episodes.",7.682843511450379,8.515036015267178,8.09090648854962,66.22048187022904,62.89312977099237,11.740839694656492,36.22232824427481,11.45678717892309,4.526869465648856,582,26,97,17,8,192,100,131,0.139,0.7659999999999999,0.095,-0.701,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,3,1,2,3,4,0,0,7,1,11,1,0,0,0,18,19,8,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,4,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,2,10,3,13,14,4,18,0,0,1,0,8,11,0,6,6,58,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.21582265203615705,0.0,0.0,0.21611739041043773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19688147322285712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258315929784163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24877799309715115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163393177593705,0.0,0.0,0.11182638193045298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027691816926336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216628803690681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24566162888734155,0.222797904934448,0.0,0.2346184136808665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498506216299173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18490171454288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5019450638103724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693050718915254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302379143265267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100890054388375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwawayvzvzvzvbx,2020/03/30,Feeling so alone I 22f live my my roommate 23f and things are generally really good. She leaves usually two or so days a week to hang out with her bf. Lately though shes only been home and it has set off my abandonment issues so much especially with the covid thing going on sobi csnt get mental help. Is it wrong of me to be hurt that she my roommate is never home anymore?,2.3427819548872217,4.374524105263158,4.015338345864663,85.61236842105264,77.6842105263158,6.974436090225563,21.383458646616546,7.957251820313856,0.9970248120300752,296,8,60,5,7,99,62,76,0.142,0.7709999999999999,0.086,-0.7003,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,1,10,10,7,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,5,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,1,1,10,1,8,8,1,11,0,2,0,0,6,3,0,1,5,41,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123577824268942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20334284065755748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223270370772766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367349587153572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712401881034632,0.0,0.11652795804403013,0.17197634942685552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374328116005493,0.0,0.4113401490705089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194976787765177,0.0,0.0,0.21400665405372327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23129206782766445,0.2171058931065805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810525241720569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20663032243973226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072669988192325,0.0,0.15813813244696182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594082242779653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313527481376643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27243659443351803,0.0,0.2014490317415849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002925692247162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258206559924869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644693100265859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22417713019855465,0.0,0.0 bpd,100126694595,2020/03/30,"How to cope/deal with angry or upset partner Hello, I'm new to this sub, but reading all of your posts really helps me when I'm down, I feel understood, you can put all of those feelings that I feel into words, something that I really struggle with. A little of my back story, I was diagnosed with bpd about 5 years ago, but all that time I just ignored it. I was in abusive and toxic relationship for 7 years, I was abused mentally and physically, but I still couldn't break it off, because he was my first and only, I loved him and he kinda got into my head by always saying I'm nothing without him, nobody will love me and etc., even when he was sleeping with my so called ""friend"" while I was working night shifts and I was expected to be ok with it and not to ruin it for him. He would say she is only for fun, he only loves me, but after 7 years together you just get bored of having sex with same partner. And for some reason I believed it. Last straw was last year on January 1st I had to work night shift, he asked be could I leave house 5h earlier, because he wants to meet with the bitch, I started having breakdown it all turned into a big fight, he wanted to hit my face, but I moved so he hit my ear and ruptured my eardrum, after that he broke up with me, I was calling him for a month crying begging for forgiveness, basically humiliating myself. On my birthday on February that bitch called me to wish me happy birthday, I was drunk so I cussed at her, told her she is a whore and everything that he told me about her, after 10-15min I hear someone banging on my window, so I come outside and he comes charging at me, saying I ruined his life and such, now it's all foggy, but I remember lying in the snow and him kicking me, my parents came and shit went down, my dad wanted to kill him, my mom was holding my dad and my cousin took that asshole out of my property. 10 guys (his friends) were waiting for me by my house daily, so I found a new job and moved to a different city it was all well until I lost my mind again and couldn't take it anymore, so I dropped everything and came back to my parents and admitted myself into a mental health institution for a month, in that month I found a guy, whom I really liked (only other guy in my life that i liked was my ex) so we started dating, I felt better mentally and I just dropped working on my mental health as I always do. Anyway I have a lot of issues from my last relationship, my bf has anger issues, even if that anger is not directed at me, when he is angry I just start to shake and stutter and I feel so much fear, he never even shouted at me and he says that's the worst he can do, but I just get consumed by that fear and I can't control my body. Yesterday he had a shitty day, he was angry at everything, smashing doors, shouting at things etc. I really wanted to help him somehow, but I have no idea how to act around angry people, how to comfort them. I tried talking to him, but he just sees everything black and I should understand that more than anyone else, I have other myself who is just like that, but at that moment she wasn't there, I tried pointing good things in life and that it doesn't have to be like that, but after like an hour of trying he broke my spirit and other me showed up, I started to cry and say how yeah he is right it won't work out, we will only make each other miserable and unhappy and he agreed on that, he can't show his emotions to me (he only says I love you, but why for what reason) and I need validation, if I don't get that I start to feel insecure and fall into paranoia which he really hates, I start to think that I'm not worth him and he will leave me or that he doesn't really love me and he is just using me and after some time he will get bored and leave me. Also not having my own opinion really bugs him, he said it feels like he's just pulling me behind himself on a leash or something like that. It all wasn't that big of a problem, because we used to smoke weed everyday and we quit it 4 days ago and now his anger is coming back the fog will be gone and I'll just trigger him with my problems and his anger triggers me even if it's not directed at me, I think everything that happens is my fault. For once in my life I was happy, these 6 months were the best, he and my job are the best things in my life, but it feels as it's crumbling down. Now I don't know anything, I feel so confused. On the other hand he really is nice to me, he believes in me and pushes me for good when I don't believe in myself, he takes time to deal with my emotions, even if I say it's fine just ignore me it will pass, he makes sure I eat and in general take care of myself, it feels like nobody ever in my life cared about me as much as he does. When I was feeling really bad and wanted to die he took me on a date and turned my shitty day into awesome day, he is not a bad person, he cares about me and I deeply care about him and I want to make this work out, but I don't know where to start and what to do, I'll go to therapy after quarantine, but what can I do now? I'm sorry for this long post, I hope it makes some sense it's a mess in my head right now also English is not my first language. TL;DR: had abusive relationship, left that, found better life, but it seems it's all crumbling down, because I don't know how to be and act around angry people, even if that anger is not directed at me.",5.970119743803957,4.499600710758379,6.7472542467279295,82.12279448621554,67.0246913580247,9.651016429963798,29.94764689501532,8.371475516178862,1.9098656084656085,4202,114,924,48,57,1401,395,1134,0.177,0.69,0.133,-0.9962,6,1,3,0,2,1,115.0,4,4,1,14,63,73,11,8,24,2,78,27,8,16,11,210,169,100,2,22,44,7,12,8,5,9,10,12,2,6,69,80,2,5,28,4,1,20,25,37,1,2,39,26,166,36,132,111,23,146,1,6,2,7,123,56,3,18,73,633,235,8,0.0,0.14024466565352858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699496999225344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310497156461052,0.06566014167560814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0391291754747803,0.02758814762804416,0.04042674126549047,0.03246844952274973,0.07024737914603613,0.03688549238504932,0.0,0.0,0.09101634953974667,0.06588725667679977,0.09620663330215412,0.0,0.0,0.13335824435945445,0.08281205990856262,0.06979022682542567,0.0,0.04382607795337857,0.04969272133196403,0.0,0.12086518814152974,0.09025298076925543,0.16090972440552403,0.0,0.0,0.10196205426806212,0.0,0.0,0.04425260942254074,0.031501943015348324,0.0,0.08667985419421223,0.101781929477378,0.04067680639324831,0.0,0.04004642161161123,0.04094849761317239,0.041222517108322386,0.0,0.0,0.03452770465307107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04037274556493743,0.03295994129382289,0.08876407575690898,0.0,0.0,0.08800644758819498,0.15635960006872507,0.03568968700553435,0.0,0.0,0.17729994070556968,0.0,0.0,0.08879663538569964,0.19949846274022046,0.05637392104797295,0.03788339143232024,0.0,0.0,0.0671215216031085,0.0,0.1297824973084899,0.06096632051856046,0.0,0.08245531568338338,0.0,0.022423424907796117,0.06618667008363599,0.03155610435844301,0.0,0.0,0.11720120938016948,0.034890298335782936,0.08400205828662473,0.0,0.038954059587886114,0.08098528932000336,0.08387853464568543,0.04446912680721335,0.0,0.052892273794547764,0.0,0.0,0.03918813546221292,0.0388556418275246,0.091052516501517,0.0,0.044540367585900915,0.0,0.08236241701118889,0.07830683420345799,0.0,0.04365157734063831,0.0,0.06505100231808697,0.0964843020621374,0.0,0.12533278123545108,0.04286843017599013,0.0,0.1950797139698522,0.15420740517510395,0.03954469698188093,0.0,0.034916805844205374,0.0,0.0,0.043070252644758174,0.033543587849832704,0.17805028870440429,0.0,0.10534719911956927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904713672749055,0.0,0.0398387275613905,0.04620971201543201,0.12597176191696233,0.08386973645883691,0.0580085482168179,0.029255694607071444,0.030430452893062006,0.0762125825983694,0.0,0.07405247932949928,0.0,0.0378585404042556,0.0,0.0,0.04201873549752324,0.0,0.1800457528200275,0.0,0.0,0.08762115119327338,0.0,0.0,0.054706841804443455,0.034450951601580286,0.0,0.0,0.037298125802695474,0.0,0.07557477333750366,0.0,0.0,0.07550701832524727,0.0,0.039663595593759364,0.0,0.04196569671566118,0.03946609802647545,0.0,0.2274853760731131,0.08113348780707003,0.0,0.1270810685747275,0.04469530042492578,0.06738942761485595,0.03753114040907949,0.21963573987641086,0.0,0.0,0.031440862090361954,0.035918733280982364,0.0,0.0,0.04050042249159895,0.0,0.0,0.03948391506231508,0.0,0.03343045003094874,0.06074942114363634,0.0,0.04416711335547159,0.1954872495721884,0.0,0.03150915004088882,0.0,0.0,0.041247372541039065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03718626719584831,0.0,0.08899669852767972,0.03171277271777806,0.0,0.0,0.045120712292275884,0.0,0.07863728524841339,0.0505628810546404,0.0,0.0,0.06902031953288593,0.0,0.0,0.07540269085453619,0.08767284858901807,0.08036292246366464,0.08583233590585404,0.0,0.04107448455340595,0.0,0.0681536310538821,0.0,0.0,0.13963097675879818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03547516173105378,0.03657557039566679,0.03560238040027175,0.0,0.04537178676925115,0.0380336177094273,0.0,0.1436200813774631,0.0,0.0,0.02802799892577709,0.0,0.0,0.10163198966902284 bpd,shav94,2020/03/30,"DAE not feel anything after breakups anymore? I used to get really fucked up and destructive after break ups. Now it’s like I don’t even care. I never break up with people. This past year when someone tells me it’s over, it’s like a switch flips and they’re as good as a stranger. I feel like a terrible person for it.",0.14893939393939706,2.525818439393941,1.573030303030304,96.84621212121212,91.87878787878788,4.751515151515153,17.939393939393938,6.42735559955562,-0.11871515151515055,251,7,55,3,9,80,48,66,0.165,0.644,0.19,-0.0498,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,2,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,8,7,5,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,5,5,11,7,0,13,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,10,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608840621403755,0.0,0.0,0.2164753256391546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682064088461164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737481351856613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660212934155689,0.18792956078585216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431940118945419,0.1374375861459987,0.0,0.0,0.2206415946854395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855523447600237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20288748912253776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511197932069329,0.18237214231632431,0.2296931660166091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685224736540627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22288922517357795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22992535486599736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22719870663276526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694015142572604 bpd,tashibutt,2020/03/30,Truly tired of self. Wanting to love life fully. I had another really awful episode earlier yesterday that continued through all of today. So out of control on every emotion. I was just a ticking bomb. This happened so close to the last. I feel like such a heavy loud on my loved ones. I say things I don't mean. When I face it or choose to walk away from the issue to possibly simmer down. I find things go continue to pick at and more I'm things pop up after fighting back and forth on thoughts. When I'm hurt I wanna say something spiteful. Then I just don't feel like my actual self. I'm really hating myself lately and just need to hear how some people make it out of the haze. My minds killing me.,1.349964788732397,3.7637109507042257,2.912095070422538,89.99166373239437,83.85915492957747,6.085211267605634,21.551056338028168,7.413659706084162,0.9002380281690145,553,18,112,9,16,181,97,142,0.16899999999999998,0.728,0.10300000000000001,-0.8803,0,0,1,0,2,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,10,9,4,0,5,1,4,5,1,4,1,26,20,10,1,3,4,0,2,2,0,0,2,4,0,2,7,6,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,5,0,1,3,6,14,4,23,17,3,23,0,1,0,2,8,10,0,2,13,72,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.1441707149767427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549158934586195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880446241270245,0.11360119657744827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570042879646835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618506350893456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447541105918945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940127261039082,0.21108773047469825,0.0,0.0,0.1350296105240878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396275769479579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306439884679688,0.0,0.0,0.14586042408129962,0.0,0.0,0.16651116117926582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815629765621772,0.0,0.0,0.15419980870682828,0.0,0.0,0.1634499112565707,0.0,0.0,0.12042596984635418,0.16665459666258498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435152921281513,0.14435438663697214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666781423346029,0.0,0.09861608329094401,0.0,0.0,0.16092970091340314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491729939944653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954565627628332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011091066408677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242274143137277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655209479181407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18928914827909424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349739484386729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082453496895118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373572388152108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29445115339153644,0.0,0.0,0.11728725671780944,0.0,0.16980278979891006,0.14003809538610368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713954206738607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Windta,2020/03/30,"DAE feel like the person who hurt you doesn't exist? Not sure how to explain it but when I think back on a painful relationship, I almost don't think that person is real. I struggle to remember what they look like or little habits they do. As time goes on that's inevitable but I also can't picture them as a living breathing person. I can't believe the life I had. Like it never happened and they don't exist. Those years were such a fog and it's hard to believe that it IS my past. I was in a really low point and did things and acted in ways I never thought I could. So maybe my brain is just trying to erase all of it but it's really messing with me. Are they real?",1.0551609657947694,3.0210259647887336,2.9079678068410466,92.27943661971834,81.60563380281691,5.183903420523139,19.29778672032193,6.1826913282559595,-0.07186076458752577,525,13,114,4,14,175,87,142,0.10400000000000001,0.826,0.071,-0.6645,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,5,0,7,9,0,1,6,0,15,4,2,1,4,26,22,14,0,1,6,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,13,5,0,0,6,0,0,1,8,5,0,0,5,3,18,4,12,16,1,16,0,2,1,0,12,7,0,2,10,83,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635014117139944,0.0,0.0,0.11687772138970963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238188560704616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293265668893015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315399499817887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669049926479008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389885509085012,0.10441103568431877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924175281240086,0.0,0.13092350699320046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645876528349364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032314973101522,0.2142074906075244,0.1464827243145687,0.12905491548391906,0.0,0.12273089146240365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682935302918051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254429029482401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551605881845973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395186450706679,0.0,0.3828429319972602,0.0,0.0,0.138160903898434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327060018326096,0.1872574589833092,0.0,0.0,0.15691257871366793,0.16556175340782242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278982927591395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774655368918814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709691104867453,0.1872966322000358,0.0,0.1160283823123194,0.08522242095547078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922763113472828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600867443016465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411711215697156 bpd,kitimiti,2020/03/30,"My experience with a psychiatrist and why i probably won't see another one ever again My mental health has always been shitty. I rember writing my firts ""i want to die"" on a test in firts grade. I was growing up with a single mother who had her own mental health problems so i got my share of verbal and physical abuse. But maybe the worst thing was abandonment, due to her working long hours and very active dating life (don't even know how many ""uncles"" we had living with us for a while), i spent most of my childhood alone taking care of myself. The kids around didn't help either, i was bullied for my looks and for crying all the time. In my teenage years, i developed anorexic and bulimic tendencies and was also harming myself by cutting, burning and scratching off my skin. I wanted to kill myself many times, even had my plan and everything but i was afraid of what my mother would do to me if i survived. I never saw a therapist/psychiatrist becouse my mother was very much against it. After my 18th birthday, i decided to change things. My crazy moods made me lose many friends and made living normal life almost impossible. Always shifting between blaming myself and others for problems that weren't even problems, causing drama in my relationship due to crazy jealousy, impulsively ending things and then being sorry, outbursts of anger or sadness in very inappropriate times (work, school) and terrible clinginess towards my boyfriend. When i first saw i video on youtube explaining BPD, i couldn't help myself and started crying, i finally felt understood. But of course i wanted a proper diagnose and help so i signed for a psychiatrist. After i think 2 months, i got my first sitting. I was of course extremly nervous and shy but i tried my best ti ansrew his questions truthfully. But his behavior towards me left me in tears. By his words i wasn't really sick, this was just who i was and there was nothing to help me besides stabilizing the moodswings with antidepressants if i want. Everything i felt was becouse of my difficult childhood. But perhaps the most hurtful thing was when he said that i will most likely never have a long term working relationship. On the third or forth sitting he basically talked me into stopping taking the antidepressants (""you don't really need them, do you?""), i was too ashamed and nervous in his presence to say anything against him and just agreed with everything. I think he was just trying to get rid of me and just like that i let him. The whole experience left me even more terrified of ever getting help than i was before. I was humiliated, ashamed and he didn't even know everything (he never asked and i didn't know how to tell him when he was already fixated on other things). I should have told him every single nasty detail, i should have been stronger and keep asking for help but i just couldn't. Also my behaviour probably wasn't ""destructive enough"" becouse even in my impulsive episodes, i still had the responsible voice that came with fear of my mother (cutting, but not on places that she could see, skipping school, but only when i was sure she would never find out...) I don't think i can do this again so i stay undiagnosed. Many times i doubt myself but than i come here (or on bpd memes) and i can see there are people feeling just like i do. Maybe i will find the strength to try again once BPD becomes more known (even in my country) and find the right doctor but for now i try my best with what i have - you guys and my will to live as normal life as possible. Also sorry if this post doesn't make sense but i just had to get this mental vomit out, i hope you understand.",5.813280503690837,7.0714481793002975,5.910212145648532,78.68591681657469,67.2069970845481,8.695440729483284,30.484957508839397,8.962127807601751,2.524898306556665,2905,109,521,49,47,919,304,686,0.182,0.725,0.09300000000000001,-0.9961,0,1,0,0,1,2,80.0,2,4,1,11,38,36,5,7,19,0,60,10,1,6,9,128,104,59,2,21,27,4,5,3,1,8,9,3,0,2,21,39,0,3,18,2,1,3,18,23,0,4,44,14,108,12,71,47,17,73,0,4,6,0,53,26,0,13,43,386,129,8,0.0,0.06535922076723613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523784897756625,0.05713230696133195,0.0608738223947076,0.13234166782399784,0.09180019094600264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784329143873348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04539450859906277,0.049106829916100936,0.10314005293542468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092327980815791,0.0469397118796051,0.0,0.1157804829267062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084278768132225,0.0,0.0,0.06309185951042053,0.05624242900081647,0.056667670987381014,0.05835521650966559,0.04751810262253287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044043224857270864,0.0,0.12118809011276245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05598935757422715,0.0572505602929213,0.0,0.0,0.05646174232490595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04885810910749866,0.05699820007443517,0.0,0.25504282464657146,0.09979631472919076,0.046477267878108935,0.0,0.19830805107790525,0.10792014004638556,0.0,0.062073792987245364,0.027892107000721925,0.03940851012891805,0.1059304009531578,0.06042844974705695,0.1512541471380367,0.09384336284550868,0.0,0.0,0.042618853097587485,0.0,0.08646128607569836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823789689424927,0.0,0.0,0.05462011465726526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727153338758775,0.0,0.0,0.2218478688896051,0.0,0.0,0.05478937794594157,0.05432451481324356,0.0,0.05905321019010444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04903147356844234,0.061029766806814975,0.0,0.0909485462814292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986967969559525,0.056407979205237116,0.11688992875246908,0.08084967271869099,0.0,0.14613001137384138,0.09763516684318414,0.046323087857787416,0.061713368136687034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043932662724346,0.03682177934743792,0.22370678995404505,0.1108374418115647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667742082380687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0440306383091368,0.0,0.0405512055480572,0.04090271940708882,0.1701806493173734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080961979508896,0.052930455971566884,0.0,0.0,0.05874687205274731,0.037379925664545066,0.041954002499599984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03824312890240314,0.0,0.05763367006600061,0.0,0.0,0.06218807601782859,0.05283097512460133,0.0,0.1189502445942488,0.1583508317938035,0.0,0.0,0.061795266039115664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067775375172827,0.0,0.0,0.11844899166192152,0.0,0.0471089626439517,0.0524727143142099,0.043867889461188934,0.0,0.11165594909141094,0.13187348076379693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235010871465191,0.03904470675004952,0.05879649577297388,0.044053301081657316,0.04611879878090282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0519905431519362,0.0,0.08295153101931088,0.04433798826237829,0.04821495691386659,0.0,0.0,0.06404857904929376,0.18323947164538226,0.10603880871582852,0.0,0.0,0.12866412510603953,0.0,0.0,0.052710679886183165,0.0,0.14980842134214276,0.0,0.0,0.05742670406713494,0.06635438435748027,0.0,0.0,0.13654593626130562,0.13014643791827518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04977609300668475,0.061587600635667726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047812165196127,0.0,0.0,0.0783725282206182,0.0,0.0,0.03552321019931782 bpd,admirablehome1,2020/03/30,"BPDex (28F) is threatening to ""expose"" me (26M), ruin every future relationship I have, and make sure that I will be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life. [Recently, I noticed the inappropriate nature of my ex's relationship with her boss.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fq5bsr/my_26m_girlfriend_28f_has_an_inappropriate/) Basically, they text frequently, text each other late at night (midnight) about non-work related things, and whenever we have relationship problems, he would be one of the first people she confided in. I brought it up with her calmly and civilly because I wanted to communicate with her my concern and wanted to establish healthy boundaries. She flipped out, got defensive, and broke things off with me. I think okay, that's fine. I'll just go no contact. This happened on Friday afternoon. Sometime tonight (Sunday night), she called me. She proceeded to curse me out repeatedly, told me I am the worst person to have walked the face of the earth, and that I am a narcissistic psychopath. Then she made sure that she will ""out"" me for the POS that I am to everyone. She will make sure that every potential girl I will ever get in contact with will be told of how horrible of a person I am. Lastly, she made sure that for the rest of my life, I will constantly be looking over my shoulder. She lives in NY; I live in TX. Add a lot of cursing in between and that was the basic gist of her little tirade. She then sent multiple texts and multiple FaceTime calls that I did not reply to. I stayed calm, and told her that this is not a good look for her, and unless she wants to have a constructive conversation as two adults, she should not contact me and we should continue going no contact. I understand that she's hurting and obviously *very* angry with me, but it was *her* decision to break up. Since I am no longer in her life, shouldn't she be relieved? I don't think she's really going to carry through with all of these threats 100%, but I find this to be a little drastic and rash, even for her. She was diagnosed BPD a few years ago, and have seen professionals to guide her through learning DBT. She also owns the DBT workbook. I chose not to go to ""loved ones"" because of the toxic nature of that sub and decided to ask other fellow BPD Redditors. What kind of advice would you give me? What does all of this mean? TLDR; BPDex broke up with me for bringing up her relationship with her skeevy boss. Two days later, threatened that she will expose me for the POS that I am, will ruin every future relationship that I have, and make me anxious and paranoid for the rest of my life.",7.1606050349058625,7.611255351738245,6.9367181439954875,75.36294478527606,63.989775051124745,10.016811226288695,32.812989210916015,9.83838024301492,3.068264311402581,2093,78,378,40,29,661,227,489,0.11599999999999999,0.8370000000000001,0.047,-0.9872,0,0,0,0,0,0,90.0,2,1,1,1,6,21,2,0,20,1,38,10,4,7,8,75,70,25,0,9,8,1,0,0,1,13,5,0,0,4,28,33,0,1,8,0,0,8,9,9,0,5,13,4,75,12,71,38,10,53,0,5,4,1,60,20,0,1,23,280,103,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821809055361817,0.07095419469836778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401117436942548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904269596741476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483035412967723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758818405447407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20162528379019012,0.0,0.16346778901880074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649915012920313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05162177142225943,0.0,0.0,0.08124299601427756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004706185029709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05286832070531476,0.07240439925600584,0.20232161892390693,0.07648549191202522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315878472551599,0.06808540304750323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041819697077995606,0.0767855182673564,0.18196344613046045,0.06713712683187721,0.06401851544897531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078266308341254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568877958180741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335352996830847,0.0,0.06524656013711347,0.09029314172968593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261498357827781,0.0,0.16045027395672493,0.1413606733609702,0.0,0.2016504531531697,0.0,0.0,0.06805056392849784,0.07224285373531973,0.15147917538516056,0.16029001594436315,0.0,0.0,0.08719140416216402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502317820394096,0.0,0.0,0.0911306480022437,0.0,0.0,0.1084797998531258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05549244541469145,0.13978270272436685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659131755069733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05127824925243405,0.0,0.07903381377806985,0.4296866125284132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662132410076254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916558311190405,0.0,0.0,0.08531627578338295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017621686030701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635538116191436,0.10257795275274942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294564757360757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638275458616574,0.0833286483677562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604469989816739,0.1416361116893848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582730003298789,0.0,0.0,0.11372195134432975,0.0,0.0,0.051545724931946736 bpd,selfhealingglass,2020/03/30,I am lonelier by the day in spite of an increase in company The only person who gaf about me is driving my mental health through the earth. There’s nothing I can do to make her feel better without feeding unrealistic ideas. My internal coping mechanisms are shattered and I’m scared as fuck just posting here. I’ve learned to rely on myself. Only myself. This relationship and every relationship I’ve had prior have added fuel to a fire that I don’t know if I have the tools to put out. Please. If there’s anybody out there. Make me feel not so alone in this extroverted world with seemingly no use for me.,3.3324499229583964,5.658073169491527,4.693636363636365,80.51800462249618,75.77966101694916,7.3417565485362095,26.828967642526965,8.296473431620573,2.0164813559322043,486,19,89,9,11,161,86,118,0.158,0.764,0.077,-0.8808,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,4,2,1,6,0,9,3,0,3,0,19,18,6,0,2,5,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,6,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,1,3,12,1,18,17,1,13,0,0,0,1,5,7,1,3,2,61,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20466329509785955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17476907367050892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744143657574308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649407834200847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998340634084117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826863066843344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21004909236841016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22307647182186635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086007208899372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638110411929798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991433616152369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896111343360412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005810495250405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254452872138232,0.0,0.21691530600085554,0.0,0.0,0.18925476717668815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986515927997408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4243161570730065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978410501277504,0.0,0.0,0.17989578279027407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067070144883364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904879934562193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kushmaster69420666,2020/03/30,"DAE cry and then stop? I never really cry, it’s hard for me to cry, but when i do i cry for like 2 minutes then i’m ok for like 10 mins and i do it all over again.",-3.4297560975609755,-2.0562778780487783,0.5592195121951207,105.65834146341464,96.07317073170731,4.255609756097561,10.639024390243902,5.6839178017228535,-1.7463990243902443,121,1,38,1,5,45,27,41,0.278,0.526,0.196,-0.2339,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,6,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,3,5,3,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,9,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9208495797241246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877413775070556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20477916346005465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164003745671968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426150164089048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521720342015454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jobrinz,2020/03/30,"BPD rage in video games I’m fairly recently diagnosed and just wondering if anyone else with BPD struggles to play video games? I play a lot of sports sim games (NBA 2k, NHL, FIFA, Madden, etc) which can be fairly rage inducing for many people even without mental health struggles. Probably because you often don’t have full control over what’s happening so it can be pretty infuriating at times. But with me it’s different. Almost every single time I play I end up shouting, swearing aggressively, smashing something, breaking something or throwing something. I’m getting so insanely angry and don’t know how to deal with it. I know it doesn’t sound like it, but I love gaming. I don’t want to have to take a long break or stop playing all together. Especially with the quarantine shit going on. So my question... does anyone else with BPD play video games and have it trigger your rage this badly? If so, how do you deal with it? I would love some advice to calm myself down when I play.",5.116405529953916,6.819308720430112,5.578525345622122,78.73064516129034,69.3225806451613,8.109984639016899,29.414746543778804,8.634040054169528,2.3821778801843325,786,30,137,13,14,252,116,186,0.158,0.682,0.16,0.1564,1,1,3,0,0,0,26.0,0,3,0,1,10,18,5,2,3,0,13,5,1,5,1,34,25,16,0,4,8,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,10,9,0,2,5,15,0,2,5,8,0,0,0,2,14,10,20,22,6,18,0,0,0,2,13,7,1,10,8,85,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693665264143667,0.0,0.0,0.11982864613237297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734710364467748,0.24522480275897424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991647247047844,0.0729475464046517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4521470469445112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342160792276862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24674167425817814,0.0,0.12145890978965786,0.0,0.12502595201441544,0.0,0.0,0.1047209012923484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999318977912436,0.0,0.10598894010729952,0.0,0.13345970436748786,0.07903854990957063,0.0,0.1008241303535785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252077180824844,0.0,0.06800919116981738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105820630846862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127199821642305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315310832497868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05846297421936679,0.0,0.0,0.10590102687089267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173612139899688,0.21600725441596505,0.0,0.0,0.1213229799267676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059561787717005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296163672307247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174378247176597,0.12902065368830967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340537910856081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815616519504304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228358730664682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27637519778993763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004649568109246,0.0,0.2502026747413503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997426439150882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395569179705436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058236219983671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535417039619485,0.1297731411623981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850076000828884,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jamesybabe0730,2020/03/30,"Recovery is choosing. And right now I’m choosing to remind myself that a 10 reaction to a 2 situation is unhealthy. I can make a better choice. I won’t make someone cry because they took a slice of pizza out of tin foil that I clearly marked as mine in sharpie, even though she knows I have an ED and having food taken from me without asking is a huge thing for me. My choice is to send my BPD to sleep on the couch right now because it’s 1:30 AM and I don’t need to be up plotting revenge over a damn slice of pizza. Because in the morning, this slice of pizza won’t matter anymore. Because I am choosing to not let it matter. It’s a slice of pizza. And to be honest the crust wasn’t that great anyway. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.",3.1724475524475544,3.9738979230769225,4.539627039627039,87.77506993006996,72.97435897435899,6.441958041958042,26.361305361305362,6.1124844417494595,0.8697256410256418,580,19,123,3,11,193,93,156,0.094,0.792,0.114,0.2819,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,1,5,5,1,0,11,0,16,6,1,2,1,18,26,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,6,5,0,4,0,0,3,6,1,0,0,3,0,16,4,24,18,0,14,0,0,0,0,6,9,1,0,2,85,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18143417824164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103066749344192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4460909600771273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16180167738941933,0.0,0.0,0.2304152323696856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759256619040066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20095859323650064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083471052158636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22122013320124692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20169961727244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054283882524867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870756134179634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442369698619977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565281776365334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124713279316683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056399952144666,0.1830790349188688,0.0,0.15501032556954092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470457986400049,0.0,0.16843293765600353,0.0,0.0,0.12154179973623573,0.0,0.1797444129993277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20326075166220367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17635429550807244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BPDcharlie,2020/03/30,Mood swings suck sooooo much I have legit gone from being in the middle of a breakdown to being calm. Not shutdown but just calm like everything that I was just mad at disappeared but it didn’t...like let me be mad! Let me feel. For Christ sake just let me actually feel an emotion for longer then 5 minutes. Bad stuff has come from mood swings swinging the wrong way and I won’t go into those but idk I’m tired of it...and just had one from being mad to depressed/tired,1.6642105263157916,3.985217789473687,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,81.63157894736842,5.063157894736842,18.973684210526315,6.2581,-0.16607368421052635,370,9,79,3,10,115,65,95,0.28300000000000003,0.648,0.07,-0.9776,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,11,4,0,4,0,12,1,0,0,0,13,19,5,0,0,8,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,6,0,1,3,2,6,3,12,8,1,10,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,50,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.21337558369272133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18256765920162876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18835178469004554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459572662378152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19651287234486595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22111691512954004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242665851693091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6707681684049781,0.0,0.10682371073847273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073646704672073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481661792438592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25030748048686713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513115745582571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735580354169873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390647438643345,0.0,0.0 bpd,smartyr228,2020/03/30,How do you deal with poor self image? I think that's the worst part of this for me. There's nothing about me that I like. How do you cope with this if you deal with it?,-0.6907894736842088,1.0452922894736858,0.5360526315789471,108.13986842105264,86.63157894736842,3.8,12.13157894736842,3.1291,-2.0431789473684208,129,1,36,0,4,40,26,38,0.184,0.755,0.061,-0.7236,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,7,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,6,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,27,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7252700527332978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184549194012044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375100951872869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809070034918846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669481405429056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253848486427233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yawaworth-92,2020/03/30,"I can’t get an Ex from over 5 years ago and it of my head! Backstory: 2 months before I met my current partner 5 years ago, I ended a doing with a guy I’d been seeing for only 3 months. The guy never wanted to commit to me, but I had fallen HARD for him. I’ve been with my current partner for 5 YEARS and have a connection with him that I’ve never had with anyone and never even thought I’d have with anyone. Why tf is this guy from over 5 years ago still stuck in my head? It’s like some part of my goddamn brain is obsessed with him. I feel like I’m being unfaithful to my partner of 5 years. There’s been drama in our relationship surrounding this guy before. I don’t know what to do. I’m constantly fighting the urge to contact this old fling of mine to see how he is, the last time I spoke to him as 4 years ago. He’s tried to contact me once or twice since, but I’ve ignored it. I know I need to talk to my therapist about this, but I have to wait until Wednesday and that’s if they’ll even be open then because of this stupid quarantine. This guy has a whole knew life, I mean he even has a fricken daughter, though he’s not with the mother. I also have a whole new life, a great one with my current partner of 5 years, who I live with and want to marry and grow old with. I don’t know what to do or why I’m like this 😩",4.318698453608249,3.3640420446735426,5.492815721649488,88.07571842783508,70.13402061855669,8.374656357388316,27.12220790378007,7.1686216300943375,1.0924104810996558,1029,26,246,8,16,345,135,291,0.10300000000000001,0.836,0.062,-0.8816,3,1,0,0,2,0,24.0,1,0,1,0,9,8,2,1,12,0,23,5,3,1,4,42,43,18,0,4,7,3,2,3,4,1,2,1,0,9,15,17,0,2,7,1,0,2,7,4,0,2,10,5,31,4,41,30,4,38,0,0,2,0,30,6,0,4,33,152,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192868013722219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201097554336545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592665046022866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05489213722834603,0.0,0.15324762789011467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052282166283442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973093877098298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975538221373045,0.0,0.0,0.1784266287956588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045530735741212386,0.06432997193751687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04704611676290235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992777174261446,0.0,0.4458060494587768,0.0,0.0,0.08066489787821159,0.0,0.18482948471418525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846329919356752,0.07340075373725052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272064639816099,0.13197802099436054,0.0,0.0795136168994634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808815624092478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375015536247027,0.0,0.0,0.06676910096368548,0.20835061435489746,0.0869684635856118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889794658522673,0.0958976784001016,0.06101853536609887,0.0684852026792386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751269766849237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667734563818416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351244251703862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448824561988537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191207211506431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237679200137417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045521203263012,0.0,0.0,0.08847123898392126,0.07148767876102967,0.05250743767247264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061136360581873224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106224730034983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250777589937646,0.2010696982773896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40591358958861457 bpd,Laaalika,2020/03/30,"DAE feel jealous when your FP talks about another person? They talk about how great they are and all, but, you cannot complain or make a scene because you would seem clingy.",6.5163636363636375,6.994495333333332,4.790454545454548,90.10568181818184,65.36363636363636,7.8121212121212125,28.62121212121212,7.1686216300943375,1.2677393939393946,138,4,28,1,2,39,30,33,0.057,0.795,0.14800000000000002,0.4965,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,2,0,4,3,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,9,6,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,1,2,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,2,1,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691702554778464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21461521085351815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780143558770037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38815228071435776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23500574311613184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30740908348206186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205062375472069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5659521111979913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25009647226157106,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bal99,2020/03/30,"DAE feel intense anger/jealousy whenever their partner or FP talks about anyone of the opposite sex, especially to other people? I feel like the most insecure person to ever exist. Any time my boyfriend has a friend over and talks about girls I do or don’t know, I want to crawl into a hole and scream and accuse him of liking them more than me in some way. I’ve been this way about social media etc. Something as simple as seeing a picture of an attractive girl that I know my boyfriend has also seen is a trigger. If we are around any girl whom I perceive as possibly more attractive than me I feel horrible and can’t get out of my head. The funny part is that I know I am an attractive person yet I still feel inferior. I’m tired of feeling in constant competition of other girls.",5.251161290322582,5.92354679354839,6.1375806451612895,78.66637096774197,68.16129032258064,9.038709677419355,29.69354838709677,9.120678840339163,2.441309677419355,623,22,118,11,10,206,98,155,0.10300000000000001,0.748,0.149,0.6605,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,2,0,8,9,0,1,9,0,10,3,1,1,1,25,23,11,0,2,3,0,5,2,2,0,1,1,0,7,6,8,0,0,9,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,8,18,6,23,21,6,13,0,1,2,1,16,6,0,5,7,83,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342370563496258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283002194419113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173711558981008,0.0,0.0,0.1494304039608861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18139631719730934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872075396140753,0.0,0.15183838632292998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4243736384082464,0.11991874853501976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968771239362908,0.0,0.08769957883891834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227211385095784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27675331585664664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640151926605798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817753112349751,0.0,0.11637253331925285,0.29313660821189896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892361884644388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376216394562546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111146167086275,0.0,0.12922632349047306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340526885504417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698379638099136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788013308290147,0.19292962224425492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900778988088256,0.2664778673191773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nunneryofwhores,2020/03/30,"Help with dad! My dad has suspected BPD, and he’s been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and was almost put into a psych ward, and he keeps threatening to kill himself, and he refuses to get help and he screams whenever someone tries to help him, and I don’t know what to do anymore. I have epilepsy and the stress is brining in more seizures. Please offer any advice if you have any",5.4124000000000025,6.373298773333339,5.678666666666667,81.06600000000002,67.93333333333334,9.733333333333334,33.66666666666667,9.888512548439397,3.2876666666666665,308,14,59,7,5,98,54,75,0.22899999999999998,0.653,0.11800000000000001,-0.8754,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,1,2,0,8,1,0,0,0,17,11,9,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,11,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,1,6,0,8,9,1,3,0,1,0,0,14,2,0,2,0,35,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181056301000563,0.0,0.0,0.22349966223914985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30356337348344176,0.0,0.17074517619278404,0.0,0.22135155562300365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28110894330140274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19223934149242333,0.2265403656813085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661127646087488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488129487576449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983878442856319,0.2469345298618868,0.0,0.12266329308186558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24500339901878976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243747403248763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891141847416896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556715323462221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153618483653866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PartOfTheMatrix,2020/03/30,"A girl with BPD is really interested in me, need guidance. I've been lurking around, trying to inform myself about relationships with people with BPD and I've seen some frightening stuff. I've talked with this girl for about a week and a half (and we have never seen each other, Skype calls only). She says she wants to meet me as soon as the quarantine ends, and that she has ""strong feeling for me"". I'm really confused, and a little afraid, honestly. I kinda like her, and I was willing to give her a chance before I read all this stuff. Lurking around in some subreddits dedicated to BDP, I've noticed that 99% of people there advise to run away from them, because they are unstable and can ""ruin your life"". Like, is that for real? She seems like such a nice person, if she hadn't told me she had it I'd just thought she was just very clingy. What should I do?",3.809932126696837,5.283106499999999,4.502941176470589,86.07015837104072,72.23529411764707,7.58371040723982,23.07692307692308,8.139509932561175,1.1114615384615387,675,17,137,10,13,216,107,170,0.085,0.7709999999999999,0.14400000000000002,0.8589,0,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,1,2,1,9,10,0,2,7,0,14,1,0,0,2,32,24,10,0,4,3,0,1,3,0,2,1,1,0,3,10,15,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,9,4,22,7,23,13,4,11,0,1,2,0,25,6,0,6,7,95,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28162250453386245,0.0,0.0,0.14861269551306966,0.0,0.0,0.09642335896616999,0.0,0.13459715526554486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984373170568508,0.0,0.16151661651135446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400980584284373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997914998473875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517379929349606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117252411606048,0.2318321846541699,0.1585351188962954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728639683472353,0.12199601553857288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800858017859011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030089581575044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21932032185964526,0.13811423844642307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582200148319997,0.18004029418777656,0.20266474195540693,0.0,0.0,0.16982312719194526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578886602720835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399859111106558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621501233848704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271368496172253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255750360412904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114510253045707,0.0,0.10739194245158727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305127637694167,0.0932970165894585,0.0,0.126880216625495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rebu_rebu,2020/03/30,"Can you tell me your symptoms? I have most of them and wondered what symptoms my fellow BPDs have as well. 1.Markedly disturbed sense of identity 2.Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, and extreme reactions to such. 3.Splitting (""black-and-white"" thinking) 4.Impulsive or reckless behaviors (e.g., impulsive or uncontrollable spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating) 5.Intense or uncontrollable emotional reactions that often seem disproportionate to the event or situation 6.Unstable and chaotic interpersonal relationships 7.Self-damaging behavior 8.Distorted self-image 9.Dissociation Frequently accompanied by depression, anxiety, anger, substance abuse, or rage Overall, the most distinguishing symptoms of BPD are marked sensitivity to minor rejection or criticism,alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation toward other people, and varying moods and difficulty regulating strong emotional reactions. Dangerous and impulsive behavior are also correlated with the disorder. The source is from Wiki.( I know this website isn't accurate but what is stated is true to my understanding about BPD)",15.682635501355016,17.531935054878048,13.749593495934961,28.940663956639586,46.012195121951216,17.776693766937672,58.4661246612466,15.616094167265928,10.789987262872627,975,66,84,43,9,309,120,164,0.201,0.733,0.066,-0.9545,0,1,0,0,2,0,42.0,0,2,1,3,5,15,3,4,4,0,9,5,0,0,1,31,14,17,0,1,8,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,5,8,1,2,7,0,1,1,1,10,1,0,0,0,8,4,16,14,2,5,0,3,0,1,6,1,0,12,2,63,13,0,0.0,0.3532865197712439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922451210765694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405085236458115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3755387449966113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284080829929956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17086617698505424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15255282660251193,0.0,0.3354047506057185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193410462171774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335788704710114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16969320702069454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006323034236095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572285494386513,0.3110597079394708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757960168198952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4648742315181735,0.0,0.0,0.1303082727200996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552868300280963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552044239791598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404677141783336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167807429816944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nonexistentp,2020/03/30,"Cutting people out of your life because they don't care about you but you still love them I'm feeling this huge pain after cutting someone out of my life because I know I'll never see him again, even if I know that's the right thing to do since he doesn't care about me at all. And that's the point, it hurts because he doesn't care so he won't ""come back"".",3.3984615384615395,3.5604983333333378,3.806820512820515,95.55484615384614,72.07692307692308,6.24,24.57435897435897,3.1291,0.04652512820512733,282,7,68,0,5,88,54,78,0.22699999999999998,0.65,0.12300000000000001,-0.8079999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,2,0,7,8,2,0,2,0,5,4,0,0,2,11,15,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,0,2,10,4,9,14,1,12,0,1,1,1,10,6,0,1,5,41,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843215733441745,0.0,0.35301740793876385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5904367700237054,0.0,0.0,0.16628273664885027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749793237978824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760439973424548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20664817945937847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21217420078187665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726929481177398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422180915882166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888065038055787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20540306817136045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382630578542598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18248066326831494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485101038967367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382406607578766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968071639143594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355810281933575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415816410986302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282440128105411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,psychthrowaway21,2020/03/30,"Does anyone else get extremely upset over ""half-assed"" mental health care? Or am I the only one? I just realized the extent to which I am hurt over mental health providers seeming to not give a damn about me might be a BPD thing.",4.91,5.746114666666667,4.944444444444446,86.33000000000004,69.0,7.777777777777778,23.88888888888889,7.793537801064563,1.0298888888888889,180,4,36,2,3,56,36,45,0.141,0.743,0.11599999999999999,-0.2948,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,6,8,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,4,1,5,6,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,3,0,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642008487756498,0.2292127179152579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817492422231921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280826633277845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19576618790348846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18687723743722898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168768890511734,0.21459869693778288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4755769646290689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23948136126942446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4508850496573094,0.2373161803747433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158863427538447,0.1701381109843314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20365308263011464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861999192477304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,betadeploy,2020/03/30,"Intense phases of life with BPD Has anyone experienced really intense phases of your life as a result of your BPD? I've recently recognized a pattern of SUPER intense, personality-defining interests/passions that have made my life extremely unstable and been totally disrupting when it comes to developing a career, often with those interests having a tie to a Favorite Person in my life. I think I am also on the autism spectrum to some extent so I'm sure that has something to do with it too, but I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced something like this. I've been in and out of therapy for a long time with the depression/anxiety/ADHD triple-whammy but I recently have become fairly convinced that a self-diagnosis of BPD feels like it might be much more accurate. I've had a lot of trouble with maintaining friendships/relationships (especially because of my difficulties with boundaries) and at 26 I feel like my life has kind of fallen apart.",12.220640394088669,9.50202487356322,11.93991789819376,53.73258620689657,56.01149425287358,15.460098522167485,46.69622331691298,13.707050652182113,6.5650223316912975,784,38,118,24,7,263,107,174,0.069,0.784,0.146,0.8486,0,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,1,6,9,0,0,10,0,15,5,0,2,2,27,22,10,0,1,4,0,2,3,0,1,5,0,0,1,8,11,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,5,4,11,8,26,15,6,13,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,6,8,87,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564088485628286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407680938103207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820006449995741,0.13334880407249333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933510773495384,0.14373478928556674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.491738741730957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121082858507747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871934309438698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161031825940578,0.1859510491646141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552585990191462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4596258696660893,0.1907466359103009,0.0,0.0,0.11517411880365527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106445185551995,0.0,0.12314622733501634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806314556997612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567145766084027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363748477920615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337413936570039,0.0,0.2570047261987139,0.13972689020703696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357694879896122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003837658939702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266000432539195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883200660574045,0.0,0.0,0.08339158077096404,0.0,0.0,0.07588852311038917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113656514382367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Stealthyprinter,2020/03/30,"A question about dissociative amnesia.... So I was curious about everyone else’s experience with dissociative amnesia for those of you who have had it. When you black out are you still doing things? Like for instance when I’m super triggered and I have to go to work or do something important, I’ll dissociate and black out and when I wake up it will be done and I’ll be at walking out of work or suddenly come to it and be in my car driving home or on the phone with my friends like nothing is wrong. And then have a long period of regular derealization and dissociation until I’m back to ‘normal’ per se. Has anyone else experienced this? It’s kinda scary tbh. And how do you cope with your body being on autopilot essentially.",3.8528723404255314,5.909451822695036,5.646400709219861,75.50875,73.32624113475177,9.522695035460991,28.77127659574468,9.928628108626363,3.0791744680851063,581,24,110,17,12,199,90,141,0.02,0.846,0.134,0.937,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,5,0,3,9,5,0,0,3,0,17,2,2,2,0,23,21,18,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,8,15,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,3,3,10,4,23,13,0,23,0,0,2,0,9,8,0,5,12,80,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044481252975506,0.22045675530216105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544469057587344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389941568569859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534121181704008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22018329093918584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594769939465092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055945154925574,0.0,0.21046767896596205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662320135571573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228033581708027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21582293385929008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102325287933188,0.0,0.0,0.19040975059990808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21081103006343696,0.20645173755626225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410283420452697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656406112956095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182698290532195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429426843796779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132779555866456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352435863746173,0.0,0.0 bpd,anpzs,2020/03/30,"DAE feeling like people are walking away from you because you are too deep/dark to manage? (sorry English is not my first language) Since I've been diagnosed with BPD a lot of people ran from my life and I didn't care in the beginning. But in the last few months the few that remained are uncomfortable with the type of person that I became, they say that I'm always into ""heavy"" conversations and stuff like that. I know that I can't talk about a lot of stuff and that is trauma related, but should I feel guilty for that? What should I do to not push everyone away?",4.305774336283186,5.4157889911504435,4.7470685840707985,86.18662057522127,70.59292035398232,7.7738938053097355,24.74446902654867,8.07648339933343,1.229177876106195,448,12,92,6,8,142,73,113,0.091,0.865,0.044000000000000004,-0.7188,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,1,1,3,4,0,0,6,0,11,2,0,0,0,17,18,5,0,2,4,0,2,2,0,2,2,1,0,1,10,6,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,3,3,11,3,16,13,4,12,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,6,67,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15583181476131494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519111157020709,0.0,0.0,0.1141640413572271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358723800458977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19094426029978268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19008507734464386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895389583226864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893886104875706,0.13379274241469036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15930012110891972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292409250197893,0.15265805101470634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228127695676453,0.1829909225355572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184372153243066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948496734277514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596724959980871,0.1635255170435562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489324314914947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491980423718174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20964442815110948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287811802754239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505284270673546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,naomixrayne,2020/03/30,"DAE struggle with gender identity? Lately I (24F) have been flipping between feeling feminine and masculine, to the point of wondering if I'm gender fluid or if this is just another part of BPD identity confusion. I know I'm definitely not trans, but sometimes I really feel like a man and experience gender dysphoria and want to be referred to with a male name. I don't think it's an alter, because I still feel like me. Can anyone else relate?",6.931428571428567,7.357416904761906,8.240571428571428,65.90442857142861,64.47619047619048,11.958095238095241,37.03809523809524,11.602472056035307,4.834912380952382,356,17,58,11,5,123,64,84,0.04,0.8079999999999999,0.152,0.8456,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,21,15,7,0,3,6,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,6,2,8,13,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,5,4,37,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23306211337348898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541144307243346,0.2277346882252848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548944927557816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27993244187755306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18567219913121974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21741584278113,0.0,0.0,0.3371485219291011,0.31756943379594416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214992080252768,0.0,0.2507223218640473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21717292960217285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406891473275958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101103572826216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238735597641422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198237698823157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749950246251878,0.0,0.0,0.2323575245419114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241714261767852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310964638889546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410347200620028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,midwest_misery,2020/03/30,"Finding your new favorite person I hear other people with BPD talk of their favorite person (FP), and I had never thought of that being a thing. But looking back through all of my relationships, I see clearly that pretty much at all times, I have a FP. It can be a friend, a partner, or even a stranger I have talked to for a couple days that I admire. My (F23) favorite person has been my ex girlfriend since June of last year. We broke up around Thanksgiving, but we are still close. I felt the infatuation and idolization slip away, and I was without a FP for a month or so. Recently, I have met someone on Tinder, and I wasn’t expecting anything because 1) Tinder sucks 2) people suck 3) quarantine for the foreseeable future but we message every day, send music back and forth, have deep conversations, have a lot in common, and she has agreed to go on a date with me once things settle. She is adorable, caring, sensitive, queer, strong, talented, independent, and just all around amazing. I am already finding myself worshipping her before I have even met her in person. I have problems setting boundaries, and have things to do, but consistently am checking my phone to see if she has opened/replied to my messages. In my mind, we are already in love and we have our whole lives ahead of us, and I’m sick of doing shit like this—especially when I have things to do and I am decently content being single. I am poly but am willing to reconstruct my whole identity to be monogamous again if that’s what she wants. How do you not scare your FP away? How do you set boundaries? Why do I idolize people before getting to completely know them? Help?",5.56318681318681,6.631740923076923,5.824157509157512,79.76846153846154,67.65384615384616,8.506959706959709,31.523809523809533,8.704169506293173,2.516742490842491,1296,52,238,20,21,413,180,312,0.065,0.752,0.183,0.99,0,1,0,0,0,0,48.0,7,4,2,2,13,16,3,1,12,0,37,4,1,3,5,52,54,24,0,5,12,1,1,1,3,1,1,1,0,5,11,21,0,0,6,0,1,2,4,6,0,0,8,5,45,10,35,41,8,37,1,1,3,2,40,14,4,5,20,181,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23263624241292616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867401412563946,0.18766734105209734,0.0,0.0,0.1980647779529229,0.16210138625369985,0.0,0.06425450772282731,0.0,0.17938545276181148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275514325773607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746842265045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051616572864392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662971321013728,0.0,0.13595627555344494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923931279042248,0.0,0.08880908518176349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120627170103492,0.0,0.19267831423174486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143639951081205,0.0,0.055070274642356636,0.0,0.05990464812899605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880020134942193,0.0,0.07065140725454677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792837059648068,0.08591994292829283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0514960380934514,0.0,0.0930754124198718,0.0,0.08851447693168367,0.0,0.0,0.0896123957598318,0.0951330132480802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642999302226548,0.0,0.08413404846555819,0.0,0.0774855242607075,0.0,0.08129559068075633,0.10180175335236256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225392977008346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21922570628836655,0.3681457479199287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723577689159217,0.0,0.100859288503938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407569004322843,0.11316657659165305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552977528217458,0.0,0.16798983992321262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819772485296797,0.08719291678392165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931014571291902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417735264816438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16944266976743802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801082006574817,0.0,0.0,0.08368057501440421,0.06146307521962423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679041694192436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062171178615208385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511250307224194,0.23536402722026736,0.0,0.10160760433897187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787799594405218 bpd,IreneButterfly,2020/03/30,"DAE’s image of themselves look different in their head then they do IRL? So basically if I go a long period of time not looking in the mirror I begin to think I look a certain way, like I picture myself looking a certain way...and then I look in the mirror and it’s not like I look completely different but I don’t look like I thought I did in my head...same for my voice, if I don’t talk out loud for a while.....",6.523988764044943,3.878336426966297,7.804353932584274,78.73889044943822,66.75280898876404,11.147191011235957,34.609550561797754,9.516144504307137,2.853177528089888,318,11,73,5,4,111,50,89,0.0,0.867,0.133,0.7814,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,0,1,5,0,0,6,0,4,1,1,0,2,11,15,8,0,2,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,9,15,5,10,13,0,14,0,0,7,0,3,5,0,2,10,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535103106967245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896779146481964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878668531438872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284548971933875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20318300540568715,0.0,0.0,0.12268328346552293,0.8149006329754415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142562988643298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882857580011752,0.0,0.11005682090628542,0.08083633101984959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200762546351661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bordedlinebit-h,2020/03/30,how do you deal with constant thoughts about people hating you? every second of every day i am plagued with thoughts about how everyone i love hates me. i’ll have full blown suicidal ideation if people ignore my texts or change their tone of voice suddenly. i find ways to make myself believe people are mad at me and hate me. how do you deal with this/make it stop?,5.040704225352108,6.29750715492958,4.573352112676059,87.56566197183098,69.0,7.370140845070423,26.876056338028175,7.554174236665415,1.3357188732394365,292,9,57,3,5,88,51,71,0.267,0.6829999999999999,0.049,-0.9549,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,1,0,5,6,4,0,0,0,5,1,0,4,0,15,12,6,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,2,1,12,1,9,10,1,7,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,2,4,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19849603629487356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18637649487380512,0.0,0.0,0.1903894368943208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136223879412797,0.3632704469217769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29688075193750924,0.16834881861803744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102655120840714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5218277892481401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901053619326486,0.0,0.11760241123697054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664258695701917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729548751055166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19271378846805828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797366055735578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984454559932552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,babyWilde,2020/03/30,"How can I meet my own emotional needs instead of seeking my FP for it? I've been dating my FP for a around 5 months now. Due to his job and the whole Covid19 ordeal, he's been stressed and worried. My BPD is making me feel like his losing interest in me, and makes me want get demanding and needy. I've been trying to keep myself from lashing out, but it's getting harder and harder everyday. I know that in order to protect our relationship and our mental sanity, I need to start meeting my emotional need on my own (at least for the most part), but I'm not really sure how or what to do. All the articles I can find are regarding emotionally absent partners, which is definitely not the case for me. I'm also sick of always relying on him to feel good and soothe me in stressful situations, while feeling like I don't help him as much as he helps me. Any suggestions? What do you guys do to get your FP off your mind?",5.307448680351904,5.273348376344089,6.42067448680352,79.14646627565985,67.92473118279571,9.98944281524927,30.349951124144678,9.800150414767053,2.654027956989247,722,25,148,15,11,243,116,186,0.111,0.737,0.152,0.8066,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,3,0,1,6,8,0,2,5,0,12,1,0,4,2,32,29,16,0,4,5,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,6,9,0,2,5,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,3,27,5,25,26,8,17,0,1,0,0,19,9,0,2,9,101,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819949236331808,0.11258057521712783,0.0,0.0,0.0920087512412059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044583136643328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040582030103069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.456583421188771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20523548488080906,0.19331692856165197,0.0,0.0,0.12366189883557273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120662543314376,0.0,0.0,0.11348335839016438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396843433925684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18137769600774628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426453573024386,0.12026100253594295,0.0,0.0,0.07435743179479534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220165182649296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136627520745102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806278203447779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363507424936745,0.0,0.13661459601894,0.0,0.10799530016088213,0.0,0.0994611884638363,0.30097007193613146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651689283607627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866767496933029,0.0,0.0,0.14526174159083888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208305332434918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576615254951283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099717617334309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275188034704355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918599301007373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980354230373002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105780139138444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374038842890464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bigbootytyrone,2020/03/31,"Standing up for yourself Has anyone else struggled with standing up for yourself in a mature way? If you have over came it, how? If you are trying, any tips?",1.6310000000000002,4.361614433333333,2.2816666666666663,92.0625,88.0,3.0,24.16666666666667,3.1291,0.1426666666666674,123,5,22,0,4,38,24,30,0.073,0.825,0.102,0.2359,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,4,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,7,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,0,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27330528351724626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810173123608348,0.4117932936674076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4596656946722366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357352672908561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4201523759299473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728632211759967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190089315585161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hunniechi,2020/03/31,"identity issues i feel like a complete creep and tbh i probably am, but for most of my life i’ve always found someone to copy appearance and even personality wise. they have all been internet personalities so at least i don’t actually know them i guess?? but it’s still pretty damn creepy. i don’t know who i am. all i know is that i like video games, astrology, baking, and the color pink so that’s a start i guess. but my personality traits, career goals, style, and who knows what else changes all the time. it’s honestly exhausting and i wish i could be happy with just being me, whoever she is",2.7736363636363635,4.960463728813562,4.593636363636363,81.23495377503853,76.96610169491525,8.358705701078582,23.43913713405239,9.095868883498916,1.8747864406779664,472,15,96,12,11,160,81,118,0.055,0.73,0.214,0.9666,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,1,5,7,1,0,4,0,11,3,0,0,3,25,22,10,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,3,7,6,1,0,6,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,3,17,5,5,17,5,5,0,0,2,0,9,1,1,4,5,62,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.16849158696714234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366723584446262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18265174759778355,0.0,0.18103108329525688,0.0,0.0,0.1378552333653018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423556021775633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140405273090476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730225663754335,0.12334858262550698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18931315278422253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.380409664612098,0.0,0.0,0.18380014436929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802125381928954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795584334099637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195510553132573,0.16870624310946608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4522810517159512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17565764004479828,0.186157051175748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629454723723306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220987854887468,0.0,0.1378867719338044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067963375590194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19855087193283308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MidnightAmadeus,2020/03/31,"That sinking feeling you get in your stomach when you feel abandoned/hurt by your FP is so specific It’s so different from butterflies, anxiety, depression, etc. It’s a very specific, visceral doom that you know right away is trying to warn and prepare you for abandonment, any time you feel slightly hurt by your FP’s actions (or lack of). It’s a very primal instinct and it sucks lol.",3.656614481409005,6.170198027397263,4.479882583170255,81.51849315068493,75.57534246575342,8.554990215264189,32.34637964774951,9.23628265651192,3.3682461839530333,308,16,55,8,7,99,50,73,0.259,0.688,0.053,-0.941,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,8,0,0,3,5,1,0,2,1,2,1,1,0,0,9,8,6,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,3,8,0,8,8,2,6,1,4,0,0,8,3,1,1,2,34,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663023885843711,0.0,0.18708008357054406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22976277869630504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21063055995996452,0.0,0.0,0.2555027041919194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27273789814946275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37095548953244106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776728357430606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.523591674016484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439828657228772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088443670760844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259907385489254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16603339991972876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035587290233685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PenguinWithAPen,2020/03/31,"What do you think of the word “yandere” to describe BPD attachment? I’m not sure if this is offensive, so I apologize profusely if it is. It seems like BPD is the basis of yandere traits in anime, and a few of my friends (all borderline or close to it) like to identify with the term. Do you think it’s apt, given reasonable artistic license? Edit: please don’t downvote, I’m just trying to get a nuanced opinion.",1.8518518518518512,4.358533691358026,3.653333333333333,84.90000000000002,82.45679012345678,7.05679012345679,28.753086419753085,8.167268648758528,2.4014049382716047,323,16,61,7,9,108,57,81,0.057999999999999996,0.769,0.17300000000000001,0.8344,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,0,2,5,1,0,5,0,6,0,0,1,2,16,13,5,0,2,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,4,9,12,3,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,5,3,39,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6672349927849642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20465201613521564,0.0,0.13839318538612472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588220521070924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29076777006222365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723492530723399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411443275714248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496540545482433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394594084544431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984174393138974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aaaaypple,2020/03/31,"Thoughts? Not sure how this subreddit works, or what the exact rules are. I know that asking for a diagnosis is not allowed, so someone take this down or just let me know and I’ll take this down. I’m not asking for a diagnosis, since that’s not allowed and understandably so, so I guess if it’s ok I would be grateful to know if this resonates with anyone? Or maybe this is just a vent idk. I have the feeling that one of my parents has BPD. They have depression, but for the past few years, as I’ve also learned about mental health, I think it could be something different. They frequently ask for reassurance if I love them, or will get angry and cry if I don’t hug them/kiss them/tell them I love them. They’ve not really been able to hold a job for a long time, and usually blame others if they aren’t able to. They also don’t seem to understand that things can be their fault, and will get mad at the other person for not appreciating them if they’re told they are lying. For example, they once said on their way to pick me up and would be there in a few minutes, so me and my friend walked around only to find them eating at a restaurant with another person. Obviously, this isn’t a big deal, we just thought it was funny. But the next day they got angry and started yelling about how they’re “so sorry for having to put up with me and raise me”. They can start getting angry and completely distant for days afterwards (or go to their friends house), especially when caught/getting called out on what they did wrong. I don’t know if this has to do with BPD, but they also randomly fixate on things, and sometimes manipulate others or force others to follow their agenda to achieve that goal (eg. start a nonprofit company), although frequently she thinks it’s for their benefit and they should be grateful. I also remember when I was younger, having to beg them to not to leave the house when they was mad, or being worried they would hurt themselves. There’s plenty of other stuff but I would be writing an essay. Does anyone have any similar experiences? I know that if it is BPD, it’s not their fault. I think they have had a difficult past that they don’t talk about. But I guess it’s a lot and I kinda want to know if it’s just me being a bish or idk. It’s hard to deal with, and I guess knowing someone relates would be nice lol. Again, if this post isn’t ok, just take it down. I’m basing this post off of rules in other subreddits (every subreddit has their subtle rules that only the community understands ig).",4.4031616391576565,5.433197671314744,5.0475389869095055,84.42042629482074,70.29482071713147,8.286943653955607,26.4942515651679,8.591530228387361,1.6814524075128063,1989,61,407,32,35,640,218,502,0.13,0.765,0.106,-0.9203,6,0,1,0,1,0,58.0,1,0,28,3,26,19,2,0,20,3,49,5,0,6,3,103,91,53,0,18,36,1,2,0,2,8,1,2,0,2,38,22,1,1,20,0,0,4,15,8,0,1,11,4,55,11,53,61,3,42,0,2,0,3,48,16,0,25,19,287,93,6,0.14679155757433765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347783111157376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04991164642377234,0.0769618735541885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264007012969212,0.0,0.0,0.0653378039293117,0.20584543639246614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773182421241974,0.0,0.07494529628171663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695407764521905,0.0,0.0,0.058600557092679,0.0,0.08062181659744297,0.09466841087288032,0.15133565026347887,0.06321567672150033,0.0,0.0,0.07668296733738703,0.0,0.0,0.06422914062207655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510220497553519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06183910916217196,0.0,0.0,0.0717951551996096,0.0,0.0,0.03711111105119468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708241213482766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134107932497308,0.0,0.15338506046896136,0.0,0.04171251249113394,0.0,0.058701309128091225,0.0,0.2425611751419994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574820139315138,0.0,0.0,0.07801628070941376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16937774882900333,0.07857169919926753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283398529181087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28235480389192,0.0,0.0,0.07771553222176263,0.0,0.07505215652603271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495295459617922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06239846646696374,0.1324851118358872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373592485488534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396568214606188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805724339711018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816410902924623,0.04973487920387045,0.11164159421620287,0.0,0.0,0.08149732653833416,0.0,0.14012915151566008,0.0,0.12817272605958993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058573522188464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378302973123216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04701921529738665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831431097138737,0.0,0.06981619309082153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668167604551691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06071374666379645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437601037612707,0.056503656303682426,0.07259030194571406,0.0821605653513217,0.155849729974675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402060692508173,0.0,0.0,0.06917465290354345,0.0,0.16555347429173714,0.058992746806438776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752178823949026,0.14108715436548586,0.0,0.11653609993792995,0.04279766884401608,0.0,0.0,0.07013281193814029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292227824758141,0.0,0.0,0.08083508105654345,0.0,0.043290731947729096,0.058258152908958714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05343300109656535,0.07453697607425464,0.0,0.2606912771131786,0.08024676224138841,0.0,0.047264475163805074 bpd,Laura_778,2020/03/31,"I’ve become super hyper-sexual again and it’s making me feel disgusting. So, I’ve always been super sexual. Not even with numbers (it’s actually quite low) but I’d let guys do what they wanted to me. I’d do webcams when I was around 12 and barely hit puberty and no boobs. I’d also dry hump my teddy when I was around 6. So, I’ve been really sexual from a young age. I relapsed and self harmed a few days ago. Today, idk why, I posted my nudes all over a nude, forum, thing on Reddit. It just makes me feel shitty because I needed that validation in that moment. I didn’t just send my boobs or bum, it was my vagina too. I know it’s wrong and sooo unhealthy and could really damage me but I feel I need that validation. I’ve also been watching a lot more rape porn too, which is absolutely awful. I’ve always been into rough sex but, I keep having weird fantasies and watching more and more incest videos. Please don’t judge.",1.2675789473684205,3.4900724421052622,3.641315789473687,85.87671052631579,82.47368421052632,6.326315789473685,16.868421052631582,7.554174236665415,0.3784526315789472,724,14,146,12,20,250,115,190,0.214,0.7440000000000001,0.040999999999999995,-0.9894,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,3,15,9,2,0,4,1,15,10,5,2,1,32,26,18,0,4,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,11,12,0,1,4,2,0,1,4,7,0,0,8,6,19,2,9,15,6,18,0,2,2,10,4,7,2,2,9,91,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.16956518841101909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402820428681396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779124274280444,0.2891653209867061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30936737906528805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592279155179747,0.1919048269916045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873362486395752,0.0,0.0,0.11206115139599908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147671753095993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635755979615588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720502193343918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444632137213654,0.0,0.0,0.09549422976041913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776818898196866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477249683006081,0.0,0.0,0.2319729737940636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576824266855196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907368560729017,0.0,0.0,0.16641453272065607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18481568652665464,0.0,0.0,0.22263085882097305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812701033124315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543875909133634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470464222013131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248844830304024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15679182977090406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899798357161832,0.0,0.0 bpd,Anonymousys,2020/03/31,"I want to leave husband but he has no idea and I’m numb. This is really hard to explain. We’ve been together 11 years and I’m just not in love with him anymore. He hardly ever wants to have sex, and withheld for a month. He hardly reaches for me anymore, it’s always me. I have like a “switch” with relationships...I will be 100% in it and push aside any of my own feelings to make things work and pretend everything is perfect. I do let him know when I’m feeling unloved but I’m not IN HIS FACE about it. Once I’ve hit my limit (the straw breaks the camels back) the switch is off and it’s superglued off. I told him months ago that I didn’t feel emotionally connected to him anymore. He didn’t do anything to try and fix that until recently, but now I think it’s too late. Now he cuddles with me and I feel nothing. He kisses me and holds me and I don’t care. I’m looking for places to rent for me and our kids (optional:more to story below**) but I don’t feel any emotion about it at all like fear or even relief..just like, it’s something I’m going to help someone else do, not me. Like I mentioned above, I can pretend everything is fine until that switch flips. So he can sense something is up but he won’t be expecting me to just up and leave. How do I even do this. My thoughts are a mess :( ** from above: last time I left he refused to let me stay in our house, so I had to bring him our 3 kids at bedtime and then go back in the morning before he went to work-",-0.1359252223469447,2.004377067092655,1.8088697003712968,97.16110871254645,88.2332268370607,4.789534582505829,19.96105690354891,6.243973517019112,-0.057319592435887134,1134,36,265,11,37,374,158,313,0.135,0.78,0.086,-0.9144,1,0,2,0,0,0,42.0,3,0,0,4,17,13,0,1,7,0,28,6,1,2,3,49,55,26,0,3,11,1,8,4,0,2,1,0,1,2,13,16,0,4,10,2,1,5,9,4,0,0,7,9,35,9,38,41,2,38,0,0,1,4,28,14,0,1,21,161,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619123551470317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029245527631652,0.0,0.0,0.14758666920032573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32285059730855525,0.0,0.0,0.0892978891488835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16688134710059735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233753855839838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063739525715566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064963764121996,0.24412759814076485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433451287792228,0.0981572499095007,0.0,0.0,0.19505101948445286,0.0,0.0,0.12210857340000418,0.2743400419947147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334217008740685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916220585213676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273473897835082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252107452741519,0.0,0.12249925283772725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05963653207353545,0.08845350524170914,0.12240867362958725,0.22980160679046674,0.1179009278887803,0.2219261152784364,0.0,0.21205810526330898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112454550601956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793824575769937,0.0,0.07243402939931914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322989851530451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412224156219688,0.0,0.0,0.11556401490637967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337417761811185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951693513809974,0.0,0.10714461952629832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194367655188633,0.16707896911869094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566163229678005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209197117303813,0.06953147769347309,0.0,0.0861481040186825,0.06327546621682346,0.0,0.0,0.10368990864097263,0.0,0.07367397629928356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800889958954342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059369260798727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579991689767906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987954676651491 bpd,thatslikemy4thaccunt,2020/03/31,"[F19] [Europe] Anyone here want to be friends? I'm lonely and feel like nobody understands me. I'm not even sure that this is allowed but I wanted to try anyways. Sorry if it's not. Hey, my name is Diana, i am 19 yo university student from Europe dealing with bpd. I recently moved to a city for college so i lost even the last friends that i had and am now very lonely. I would like someone to to talk with about our days, our relationships, our everyday life battles. Someone who needs a friend who understands what we are going through. Someone to cry with, somone to laugh with. My hobbies include taking care of my two amazing cats, movies, embroidery (just starting but loving it so far), cooking, drawing (haven't done that in a while but would love to start again), music (rock/metal/punk), thiftshopping... and searching the internet to find out why did my plants die again. But even if yours are totally different, don't let that stop you from messeging me if you think we could be friends. I prefer someone close to my age and in my or simmiliar time zone. Bpd sucks, let's fight it together.",4.142991837883479,6.043443856459334,4.448725021108924,85.06460455952718,72.15789473684211,7.405685336335492,29.04052913031241,8.124751697461798,2.005887475372925,862,35,163,13,17,270,136,209,0.127,0.677,0.196,0.9648,2,4,0,0,1,0,41.0,5,3,0,1,12,18,3,0,5,0,18,4,0,1,2,40,36,15,1,10,11,0,1,2,4,2,1,0,0,0,11,12,1,1,6,1,0,2,4,6,0,1,4,1,23,12,23,25,1,20,0,3,0,2,22,5,1,4,15,108,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165959602602553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941761515932358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190712699233309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932442429753154,0.0,0.12828410904070492,0.07531740945360946,0.12040139927064016,0.0,0.0,0.12120559227272,0.12201667685798802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951278536917748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23140846476085425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590505897489807,0.0834320535261484,0.0,0.0,0.106740431265483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.360914779191486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637226406709508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519630477398754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388435150152893,0.08248951610062996,0.11411163392155375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748588557408527,0.0,0.2108081317230451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241252020682221,0.0,0.0865954552398339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531224033967233,0.12538462606334344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39581012560922585,0.0,0.0,0.13073254075881496,0.16532368530686875,0.0,0.0,0.097638456157378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110069570377462,0.0,0.08780865545841321,0.09386828879973308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483185345573404,0.0,0.0,0.06809894701439748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929013420703886,0.0,0.11408310519125965,0.24315701516681665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636080993388957,0.13776700183683396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053813413009197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592306961343414,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Satsu1992,2020/03/31,"BPD penpal? Emptiness, splitting, dissociation & social isolation require an understanding friend. 28/F/UK Hey beautiful people, We are all struggling with social isolation in many countries but I think BPD makes this experience harder to stop splitting/feeling empty inside when we dont hear from friends for a while. If you like writing letters, drawing or making cards I'd love to write to you. I'm not necessarily looking for someone with BPD, but someone who understands the condition (wont send a couple letters and flake out) so we can talk about ups, downs, trials & tribulations. Anyone interested? If a few are but dont necessary like old-school letters, I'd also be open to starting a discord we could all join & chat on together. Edit: I currently work in healthcare & with such dark times ahead I'd love to find some sunshine in the form of a penpal around my age. Currently living in the west country, I enjoy crafts, reading human psychology books, watching scary tv/movies, piano, cooking, youtube & play a fair few PC games. Love to you all & stay safe ✌",5.985935374149662,8.004202729591839,6.182530612244903,74.01008843537417,67.62244897959185,8.491972789115646,33.98503401360544,9.029198982220553,3.283420136054421,869,41,139,16,15,277,137,196,0.10400000000000001,0.6609999999999999,0.235,0.9881,2,2,0,0,0,0,43.0,4,3,0,3,6,13,0,1,10,0,8,4,0,2,3,34,20,11,0,3,7,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,1,2,11,1,3,4,6,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,4,11,12,24,17,7,22,0,0,3,3,27,11,0,4,11,75,13,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825607387755877,0.0,0.6361670250701154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842377281526145,0.0,0.0,0.08711332809220344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697417660112167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813071834987556,0.10827672428474183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293749586072717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572275978391832,0.0,0.0,0.04947935495913714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943937240131254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120789263516538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029176264291042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561581118449597,0.0,0.08640937622917122,0.0,0.0821750937230893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649588367060416,0.0,0.13064039159979915,0.09921146927532973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268428478774548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784160657569058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788331430136826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990363391738436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995054353834455,0.16582755383723832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926356995945536,0.10430236355500436,0.0,0.08181269400372836,0.0,0.10230120869389428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865361549600716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270270720624446,0.0,0.0,0.057061106180180135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037448282123362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124093978597848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wutever_,2020/03/31,"My FP/ex hasn't responded to me all day and won't answer my phone calls....(how) do i just need to let it go already/finally?? To give some context and background: My FP is someone I met online about 5 years ago..it's always been kinda off and on (mostly bc of me) and we briefly dated last year, I ended up moving 1000 miles away from my my hometown to be with him and then quickly moved back home in less than six months bc I split, freaked out and have been having a hard time figuring out my sexuality.. Since moving back home, we have continued to have a very on/off again relationship.. he even started seeing a therapist and she legit told him to just stop talking to me. Regardless of the therapist's advice, he started talking with me like ""normal"" (texting most of the day, video chatting regularly and even watching movies together using apps) especially while this whole quarantine situation is going on. But then today, nothing. I messaged and called...and just...nothing. Part of me feels panicked and my brain plays out all the worse case scenarios. Another part of me feels relieved..bc I want to date around and meet new people..and it seems like my FP ""gets in the way"" of that bc he tends to get jealous and upset.. After explaining all of this, ik it doesn't seem like a ~healthy relationship~ but admittedly, I have burnt so many bridges that he's pretty much the only friend I have..and loneliness is scary. So. I guess I'm just looking for ways to cope with these feelings? Or input/perspective on what's the """"""""""right"""""""" thing to do. Thank you for reading and also sorry for so much text.",4.8228896103896135,6.120664340909091,5.386233766233765,81.38149350649351,69.55194805194805,8.327272727272728,29.259740259740266,8.710501217029153,2.2162545454545457,1259,47,240,21,22,405,186,308,0.069,0.865,0.066,0.3378,0,1,0,0,0,0,70.0,2,1,0,0,15,9,1,1,10,0,17,1,1,1,3,51,42,23,0,4,6,0,4,3,1,1,0,0,2,0,10,22,0,1,9,4,0,5,3,3,0,1,4,7,29,6,40,35,12,45,0,0,3,0,25,14,0,8,27,151,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108631641303263,0.09169871222047296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272579630209638,0.08607542909454878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847223909934196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092088946938851,0.0,0.0,0.09719100150888067,0.15908730708010765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154800418386744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342833308401125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162252633330392,0.0,0.0,0.13665032621525475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15691634540392524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992218818041838,0.0,0.10809261901441007,0.0992349102435822,0.11758158733458544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395752455573455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266737271992344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20752971421622407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432236553206322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578062996193778,0.0,0.15161559468887342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686865731442481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487809305312228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825696776163592,0.32984044975444743,0.15208954935195626,0.07670396080483108,0.0,0.09990887290447853,0.0,0.0,0.10135519900590424,0.19851861583175184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867540862765683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22404405726551288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524185734986123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034740783563786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22212476200868905,0.0,0.08834239083799594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243313603862618,0.18834686010686688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557166997883964,0.116277733060569,0.0,0.0,0.08764953159724148,0.0,0.0,0.11579942220417334,0.1464393419119649,0.0,0.0,0.0864855585480505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629208830810002,0.0,0.09523925607441587,0.0,0.2402177541354731,0.0687249818824978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06032024369149365,0.0,0.09805479235605642,0.09884716670659996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934420315900317,0.0,0.08535385336124274,0.06101518076107219,0.16422137351885382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549385893406225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542039762620556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332317734511325 bpd,UsedAmbition,2020/03/31,If anyone needs to talk during this time Feel free to message me. I know the world is pretty funky right now and there’s a lot going on. But a lot of people still need support. Please feel free to reach out. We all need to help each other through this.,1.613653846153845,3.629854596153848,2.0813846153846143,98.66361538461538,79.96153846153845,4.16,16.16923076923077,3.1291,-1.1547738461538462,197,3,44,0,5,60,43,52,0.023,0.667,0.31,0.9451,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,15,9,3,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,5,8,9,4,8,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,3,3,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066076578857725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24682019890513154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871170032732058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635962673496204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413554763440128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4150024472052388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5429287220694987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920874213987164,0.0,0.0,0.2679176815980463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24830889443709075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20843609143069794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949161555833856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769699295247136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961757690390753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423203029705028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BadMaw101,2020/03/31,"My partner died several months ago and I'm finding it harder every day to keep myself going. As the title says, my partner passed away tragically and I've had to move back in with parents as my entire world has fallen apart. I only got diagnosed with BPD after he died but I'm now realising it's been a big part of my life for a few years. Has anyone else had trouble with derealisation after a loved one dying/trauma? nothing feels real anymore. It's got so much worse since the mandatory caronavirus isolation has hit my city, I'm barely able to stay lucid for 3 hours a day at the moment. I just sleep 16 hours and dissociate for the entire day. I don't know what to do, the only option is mental inpatient but I've been through that system before and I don't want to go through that again. I keep going down to the train tracks and before isolation had a friend pull me off the tracks while screaming and crying but at the time it felt like I was joking? I didn't mean it even though I did intend to go through with it, I've never had these irrational feelings when it comes to suicide before and I don't want to hurt the people who are still in my life but it hurts not being with him. I don't know what I can do to fix this mess of my life, sorry for rambling. Not sure if I want advice or just someone to listen but there you go. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯",3.2910864706893577,4.583991256317691,4.591830840639506,85.63511432009629,73.25992779783394,6.8646381296200785,23.298779439573664,7.2636822038024595,0.8364042977479799,1066,28,218,11,21,353,155,277,0.182,0.741,0.077,-0.9818,1,2,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,1,0,0,11,11,0,0,14,0,22,6,1,1,2,41,47,20,3,4,11,1,3,1,3,0,4,3,0,2,15,13,0,2,7,1,0,10,8,6,0,1,12,6,23,5,36,33,3,41,0,3,0,1,11,10,0,3,20,143,38,0,0.10636323592584752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103936923144906,0.09428459105783947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548374938436572,0.07437164762776882,0.1089817046317288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999317614159556,0.08178676301624248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27152183925120704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396077222701686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162250970557284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683502023175435,0.2057864638836197,0.0,0.0,0.10795644553620803,0.22077649260348625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885283538371164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025191419345328,0.0,0.08961561367627603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756089588352766,0.0,0.10212538647159246,0.0,0.09721407070373618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217597223089525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022433905919647,0.0,0.17013679247283364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20949272428931984,0.0,0.2277280878307793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890810623727588,0.0,0.0,0.11690890565183673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22538249720703915,0.0519637044587998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599697312106367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586074537433297,0.0,0.0,0.1071891249131781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489812015154946,0.11304728702063747,0.07818921671627775,0.0,0.0820338846315167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102058393503187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207448136553599,0.16178806766516185,0.0,0.0,0.11810378625532185,0.11518101948601775,0.0,0.07373887541061784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106464835939315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458431431592668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201601815047712,0.0,0.08798476788521341,0.0,0.1064400501827904,0.0,0.09012122463822393,0.0,0.0,0.11906493453260265,0.0,0.11336905741809733,0.0849418176053748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634411665112128,0.0,0.10024609110291884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450133926149964,0.0,0.062021258218847075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18820737697644985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839322427390093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849443668057413 bpd,tiredandconfused111,2020/03/31,"How can I get my friend with BPD to acknowledge my feelings? I'm at the end of my rope... my therapist thinks my friend has BPD (we were intimate once but have since moved to different cities). We still keep in contact, but it's getting harder to manage the relationship because she constantly asks for emotional support regarding job searching and depression. To be frank, I feel like I need a break from it all. Or at least the emotional vacuum. I've been saying for years now that it feels like she never really cares about how *I* feel and I just want her to take my feelings seriously and I'm not sure how to communicate that what I say comes from the heart and isn't trying to slam her. She always takes it as an attack and I just want to be heard. Is there any way I can present stuff so she will take my feelings and requests seriously?",3.4236919104991443,5.329549596385547,4.3885025817555965,84.71807228915665,74.12048192771084,8.357314974182444,25.71256454388985,9.04235418022936,1.9937191049913936,667,23,135,15,14,216,105,166,0.107,0.76,0.134,0.2017,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,0,0,0,10,11,1,0,6,0,11,1,1,3,3,34,34,14,0,3,6,0,6,2,2,1,0,3,1,0,8,10,0,1,8,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,3,9,23,7,19,28,2,14,0,1,0,0,17,3,0,1,9,89,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603391744977644,0.0,0.0,0.08665836282103817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913203824546735,0.14497268645754974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768157327530653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209931490918865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992576621883736,0.0,0.0,0.10977167953411657,0.0,0.13770909120027575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975728996789906,0.0,0.0,0.13313967544360675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866884670402781,0.11286723163580233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866017280449234,0.1820753820560688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969078235931716,0.0,0.1331562788831913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100793956438982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645693691470233,0.11326772128078008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451401149318153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544041309180516,0.0,0.0944894673614288,0.09828367858124523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571128594574736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163642177230909,0.0,0.0,0.13681464574814525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20267862721809166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541335066258097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176763342529843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587954437603298,0.0,0.14460871226060842,0.12010347481704207,0.0,0.2874397874926373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479587716257145,0.0,0.08165349965673749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651819575853388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032579466774787,0.10114986208235953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206225061211678 bpd,thotiana69420,2020/03/31,"I hate looking in the mirror This feeling comes and goes, and its come back hard this time around. Normally I can look in the mirror and find at least one thing I like about myself but now I catch a glance and immediately have to look away. Does this happen to anyone else? Is there something you think or say to yourself to work through this feeling?",3.561519607843138,5.713236426470589,3.4064705882352966,90.82578431372549,74.44117647058823,5.7098039215686285,23.098039215686285,6.42735559955562,0.4219921568627454,279,8,56,2,6,84,51,68,0.053,0.87,0.077,0.1431,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,5,2,1,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,14,13,6,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,8,6,1,11,13,1,11,0,0,4,0,2,5,0,1,4,40,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391555638643228,0.2108890035153791,0.0,0.1832252529382156,0.0,0.0,0.19337658238841568,0.15826444458295155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35459492649119323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18011625473694076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719379044116326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20813961597270308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881176163252615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820077507624528,0.0,0.18437612080635796,0.2032066536211408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055425256298924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5185160294885631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20166189962831704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394703414249993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367794777476885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584518624068986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367390181685583,0.1318824528849937,0.0,0.0,0.12001648704928312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984089688349694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,newwavebabe,2020/03/31,"First post- ""splitting"", overwhelming discontent and effectively destroying all my relationships I was diagnosed last year with BPD & CPTSD, previously severe depression & generalize anxiety. I was actually happy with my recent diagnosis because I finally a ""click"", what the doctor described sounded extremely similar to my situation. Except of fear of abandonment, I prefer to push anyone who tries to get close to me away. In my relationship, it has been one hell of a rocky 3 years. I've consistently broken up with my significant other (literally every single week) and then come down and try to work it out. I can't shake the feeling that I'm not meant to be with another person. Barely keeping my own shit together mentally and I don't want to have someone else who requires compassion and support that I can't provide. I can't muster empathy anymore. I'm so wrapped up in my head and everything that is even slightly critical (even when it isn't directed at me) I take as a personal attack. My only way to handle this is block it out or blurt out half thought through solutions because if my significant other is going to express criticism, there better be a course of action. On top of that I don't express anything, my needs, my desires, my emotions, dreams, thoughts, nada. When I do, its shoved in my face, its shot down and I'm told I'm wrong. Anything, any advice, any self help guides, anything. I am at the end of my rope. I'm not going to write down my feelings and rip it up. I'll just feel bad and left with a mess. I haven't started therapy again. Especially now with covid19 (ps- hope everyone is safe) I can't get through to DBT therapists in my area (literally called, emailed, texted and nothing).",4.8596189791516915,6.915726968847357,6.024376947040497,73.86066319194825,70.58878504672897,9.673664030673377,33.52995446920681,10.035473477838034,3.813171004073809,1371,68,237,38,26,457,193,321,0.154,0.752,0.095,-0.9682,0,0,0,0,0,0,55.0,0,0,0,6,10,17,4,3,8,0,21,5,3,1,1,47,45,17,0,6,6,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,17,21,0,5,8,1,0,6,10,12,0,3,7,5,32,5,44,36,3,43,1,3,1,0,14,21,2,3,14,152,49,3,0.0,0.0,0.10656195097673904,0.0,0.0,0.10670747738879426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23663298508487698,0.0,0.14851740322884086,0.11450411303653585,0.08353652778004328,0.0,0.108295536001434,0.07635410658196362,0.0,0.2695831001960126,0.0,0.0,0.12422901974416906,0.10259555362100486,0.0,0.09117615808282192,0.13313274294605731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657716946517857,0.0,0.0,0.13753164554881675,0.0,0.11150384314586788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406480956802464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940524789576909,0.11083414461835653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117692573262105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122130649777994,0.12283357680207195,0.096717429261818,0.0,0.0,0.14424911414524266,0.0,0.0920044174937924,0.10434381408452448,0.09814054029381483,0.0,0.0,0.12287863349454127,0.16564207672486553,0.0,0.0,0.11962158218102845,0.0,0.09288415959499947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410338321407712,0.0,0.12412000968141128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162437978438492,0.0,0.0,0.11206913011486368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319343011210375,0.0,0.0,0.10845871611867844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706061415566933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901132450625364,0.0,0.0,0.11864445307417933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004637021100976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096927906413681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477887345091896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399570679901292,0.08305035424267844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906957774695377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458194540857237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782031160543908,0.2344765727013637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139178155831452,0.12336318473732115,0.11209065636558416,0.0,0.12274365128395605,0.0,0.0,0.0925235060780712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729123644219707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391712542253465,0.0,0.0,0.08210365669153953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248779628798438,0.12678783576929892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173382769206293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434381408452448,0.0,0.14827718119528654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440808461980813,0.08667665972671935,0.08759242286336756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794977839661686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939138056500555,0.0,0.1406404640853326 bpd,psychodexlw,2020/03/31,"My SO has BPD, what to do ? Hi everybody, my girlfriend was diagnosed with BPD and is now in a mental institution for BPD and suicidal behaviors. Where i'm from, and the way I grew up made that i'm a total idiot on all mental-health issues. Do you guys have any tips, or anything that i could do to make her feel better ? I tried to check up books but the best ones i've found are in english but she speaks french and all the french books ive found look really depressing... Thank you and have a great day :) &#x200B; (I'msorry if it's the wrong flair, couldn't figure out which one to use)",3.291666666666668,4.519578833333334,4.163333333333334,88.96166666666667,73.16666666666666,8.0,22.5,8.515128840125781,1.0809999999999995,460,11,101,8,9,148,84,120,0.069,0.7659999999999999,0.16399999999999998,0.9369,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,2,3,7,1,0,7,0,12,1,0,3,3,23,22,10,1,3,4,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,5,7,0,0,4,2,1,1,1,3,0,2,4,3,10,4,13,16,4,11,0,1,1,0,8,7,0,2,2,64,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777060322909786,0.1769345876316714,0.09902119220204557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119826316191829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281087056755358,0.12878203162771,0.0,0.0,0.5501798662653312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162593791788314,0.0,0.0,0.09390773076202202,0.0,0.12541545156964895,0.1477931730316216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362583131462375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31931221000160803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605378072092531,0.0,0.14417882980432906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547788077641163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198115660236464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227745478323587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778164935259168,0.0971971789319678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934854108379877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973409969680482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328281250474507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592759568733973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406001874849535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886102866808524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576206539461682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558007338717145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15920392607429046,0.1769345876316714,0.0 bpd,sad_hearts,2020/03/31,"DAE think their partner deserves better? He reassures me all the time that my BPD shouldn't be an insecurity of mine. He says he understands because he has it too. But I feel like mine is so much ""worse"". It's hard to be honest about the psychosis and paranoia. Whenever things get serious, he gets quiet and doesn't say anything. I'm always arguing with him and he forgives me so easily. All of the trauma from my past abuse makes me afraid everyone is using me and I can't be loved without being manipulated. I can't be love without an ulterior motive. I'm afraid I'm damaging him. I try to be honest. I try to talk. But he doesn't say anything and it makes me so angry. I don't want to beg someone to like me or understand. People tell you to talk but no one listens. What am I doing wrong? I just want to be normal. I don want to work hard and heal. I want all the bad stuff to go away so I can be a good person for him.",0.6451816396661769,2.7882681082474257,3.1582179675994126,88.87379725085913,84.41237113402062,6.169464899361807,21.09376534118802,7.447530270364453,0.7747126165930291,719,23,156,12,21,249,110,194,0.192,0.6970000000000001,0.111,-0.9296,0,0,0,0,1,0,22.0,0,1,1,3,7,19,1,3,7,0,20,3,0,5,3,33,40,14,0,6,7,0,3,2,1,1,1,5,0,2,7,7,0,0,6,0,0,1,9,9,0,1,0,8,26,10,18,31,4,4,0,1,0,2,26,1,0,1,4,100,33,2,0.0,0.15628780386823682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975689481313147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170958580394141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393063434717976,0.0,0.1101365381806318,0.08040906600413791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666070753405645,0.0,0.0,0.1661318007858263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604245128856933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669596266952314,0.0942341329879386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378315547193927,0.0,0.07496558570081202,0.11063703490453657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363248882339645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888584700920136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381017927780278,0.0,0.1760974185792829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696656087571226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924050490454725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938335589518284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259198174571972,0.09144745850768547,0.11517579385764888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146923734895859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176407159552493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510015492453312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120431281805135,0.11529222107016444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763291321180748,0.08452045146019928,0.0,0.0,0.07691582501061285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17911190569355587,0.0,0.0,0.27463893714420723,0.0,0.11392498894794115,0.0,0.0,0.3112078253802778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543065958596443,0.0,0.0960296079937059,0.0,0.13442413956145724,0.0,0.14421920840414842,0.0,0.0 bpd,MendelEatsDirt,2020/03/31,"I'm alone again, but it's fine I finally was able to break up with my fp and tell him everything I've been keeping inside for the past year and a half. Granted, my brother was the one to tell him I'm toxic and he should stay away, which I'm beyond pissed about, but the final convo I had with my fp felt really good since I finally got to let it all out. He pretty much used me for emotional support, drugs and sex the whole time we were ""friends"". I called him out on using me and all I get is ""wow you're ridiculous lol bye"". My therapist told me he only said that because he didn't have an intelligent response to the issues I brought up. Instead later he told me I need more help than therapy is giving me and he never cared about me and dosn't care how I feel. I just feel really hurt. He totally gaslighted me calling me the crazy one. Telling me how self centered and entitled I am even though I've done literally everything for him, paying for his phone, running to the store when he asked, buying him cigs, weed, pills you name it. I just don't think he's self aware enough to realize how hypocritical he sounds. It just sucks because after all the time we've spent together and all the times he told me he cared, really he was just in it for a free ride. Like I can't believe how much I've done for him just to have things end up like this. You can read my other posts here for more context but my ""friendship"" with him was one of the most toxic and painful things I've ever experienced, yet I still miss him so badly and wonder who he's talking to now instead of me. Nevertheless, this is probably for the better. We've ""broken up"" before but got back together after 3 months. This fight happened about 2 weeks ago but I'm trying really hard not to get back with him. He was never good for me but my stupid bpd brain can't help but love him. He's the only person who (at least made it seem like) cared.",4.722614503816793,4.81955714249364,5.538743638676845,84.51819179389315,69.17811704834604,8.789185750636133,26.80756997455471,8.59863814320734,1.6116531806615768,1499,41,323,22,24,491,200,393,0.157,0.7090000000000001,0.134,-0.8913,0,1,1,0,1,0,41.0,1,2,0,1,27,25,5,0,15,1,23,7,2,7,8,58,59,25,0,2,13,1,4,3,1,1,3,2,0,3,16,18,0,1,7,1,5,3,7,9,0,4,21,7,46,17,41,36,13,43,0,2,0,2,56,12,2,3,29,202,62,2,0.08226488467626263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292285668639452,0.0,0.0,0.08520161073348734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690656222916907,0.0,0.07729056714775644,0.1265132368155223,0.06868774249815078,0.10029582028719168,0.0,0.0700013577644428,0.09268435415871168,0.0,0.072756605311211,0.0,0.0,0.10360974243094244,0.09183481792954086,0.16800329003993328,0.0,0.3354981303784304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683710775634433,0.0,0.0,0.09540114885213168,0.0,0.0,0.09253692271002974,0.07286227031176587,0.08500161666040024,0.0,0.054335180470065976,0.07441329794321043,0.0,0.0,0.14786874775327905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319119495107058,0.0,0.07898719014586393,0.27035148026115075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355764583401086,0.0,0.08596001377089148,0.07891597343898495,0.0,0.1379997644708635,0.13158948663168327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274656583526525,0.0,0.07369317819984571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028083625830654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806626048875353,0.0,0.0,0.08586316651398693,0.0,0.07312080934339192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412141819793957,0.0,0.1205714018789758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424727025586365,0.07784102296237737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566304609581249,0.0,0.12094831151200032,0.060998369612879924,0.1268955010632125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672344446657548,0.1251323035879501,0.08753563740117078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853114088921964,0.0,0.07183052419478997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878701940538434,0.08369296247565475,0.08869545950097596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822871467223756,0.0,0.2108039665455034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825274379616215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489086135627854,0.17164043204406818,0.0,0.0,0.06805036270606621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768342137370018,0.06569684316834698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335321624763376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612139816433232,0.2157094055358632,0.0,0.0940770650830966,0.0955158716745734,0.1093062679559318,0.05271201639009348,0.08082483151279475,0.0,0.14390794743422072,0.0,0.0,0.23582286807705705,0.0,0.055852456686329516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421008946572642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598792834594851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184580589264732,0.0,0.0,0.08921275824637094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05297588857132266 bpd,hannahannika,2020/03/31,BPD and flirting Does anyone else flirt almost unintentionally? Goes hand in hand with subconsciously making people fall in love with you and then wondering why. Any relate?,7.291309523809524,11.058369321428573,6.592857142857145,64.41880952380957,70.07142857142857,8.019047619047619,23.619047619047624,8.841846274778883,2.3926761904761897,143,4,19,3,3,44,24,28,0.0,0.662,0.33799999999999997,0.9049,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,7,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,4,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,1,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201184977773959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21739686343636866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223531288866242,0.3275552132594493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026322533997692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27975862775390986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670559204516704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885283278435433,0.0,0.2133923190053935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22162942984106027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28846612265802096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466849066697215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,spawnof-seitan,2020/03/31,"I did it!! I graduated from uni with a bachelor's this month. I discovered my diagnosis around my third year while my first two years were me completely spiraling/ splitting. I wanted to take a leave of absence so badly the entire time, but I actually graduated a quarter early. Which saved me from paying full tuition for online classes. I just can't believe I made it out alive.",4.653427230046948,6.874562535211267,6.143309859154929,72.09458920187797,71.53521126760563,9.240375586854462,31.551643192488264,9.725611199111238,3.492406572769953,304,14,51,8,6,103,57,71,0.054000000000000006,0.83,0.11599999999999999,0.726,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,8,6,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,12,1,8,3,1,10,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,7,40,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.281073744202199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564059533172753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24049131889396816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245088826884112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019918401546111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24499643892724876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049800257816898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27253902363703075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299011728126384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21656118330660412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679514219911523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813614685993217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16988635563676252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37096113072693504 bpd,CrazyLoveXO,2020/03/31,"Who am I? I know alot us experience the feeling of not belonging and not knowing how to belong. I get this alot and many times I dont even know what i am.. what do I like? What are my hobbies? What are my future goals? I thought i was doing well.. i started going out and socializing, doing all my chores and stopped being clingy. Now my SO says he doesnt know me and i dont put passion into anything.. now i dont know whats going on. I feel like i dont even know myself. Does anyone else know how to find yourself and what your personality is?",-0.12111801242235742,2.0715046956521768,2.38922360248447,92.56358695652176,89.0,4.6770186335403725,19.518633540372672,6.1826913282559595,-0.035223602484472316,420,13,94,4,14,144,65,115,0.042,0.8859999999999999,0.07200000000000001,0.4731,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,1,0,1,8,4,0,0,3,0,15,1,0,2,1,27,29,9,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,8,8,0,1,11,0,0,3,7,0,1,0,2,3,21,4,6,26,3,12,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,2,8,70,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265987350789597,0.13578065415993826,0.10905126601241047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596765353029145,0.0,0.6212418221313906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070203162204192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750541689067654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296283213927991,0.0,0.0,0.1340104639989491,0.09467109687602483,0.0,0.0,0.12111932143389155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923533997539351,0.0,0.15062640258297705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5098001273754693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948349097368328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343527521992202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570986427461658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321748890636315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538386757939047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508571397165464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379713171438796,0.0,0.0,0.11079122892263013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520472429245116,0.0772724838653858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940319309474155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914986257831013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PizzaInMyUrethra,2020/03/31,"I’ve been so DEPRESSED?? Six weeks now of CLASSIC depression. I haven’t been this depressed for years. Lying in bed all day, can’t even watch tv, sluggish, nothing brings joy or even mild contentment. I’d basically quit work before self-isolation began, I couldn’t concentrate or enjoy what I do anymore. Before this I was stable on my meds. Before that I was switching every ten minutes. Idk, I feel broken. I feel like my BPD has shifted into bipolar and now I’m stuck in depression. Does anyone have ANY tips or ideas? What do you do when you’re so low? I have a list of activities and I can’t bear to do a single thing. I’ve felt flat for too long now, I think I will have to kill myself soon.",2.2318003273322407,4.2400754751773055,3.7038297872340458,87.82615384615387,77.93617021276594,6.3242771412984204,22.902891434806328,7.321109707123232,0.8886187670485541,546,17,111,7,13,180,93,141,0.265,0.667,0.068,-0.985,0,1,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,1,0,2,10,9,1,0,2,0,17,1,0,0,1,13,25,8,1,1,3,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,5,1,0,1,4,6,0,2,7,4,15,3,10,16,2,16,0,5,1,0,1,5,0,3,11,69,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098357704300762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16017952606574662,0.11293507615411305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4123122261162664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034225473777609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416384339769423,0.0,0.5564506926509712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134290590998075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21335833029057447,0.0,0.1360833930395396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633337213209088,0.11538638172624087,0.1550797738966743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18233082818987792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17869246887024998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890809344007588,0.0,0.0,0.14293573386076855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940680606513754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549780435164825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717911335817947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16849541896456102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730342026847517,0.103492320315708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12955762812807814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758487772579455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401039467848856 bpd,ThrowAway5679991,2020/03/31,"Believe the government or someone is stalking them? I was diagnosed with BPD, general anxiety disorder and an eating disorder at around 19. I at 17 has several misdiagnoses before they settled on that one at 19 years of age. I am not on medication due to the fact I believe it just makes me worse. I am now 21 nearly 22. At around the age of 19 I started to believe someone is stalking me. As I’ve gotten older it has only gotten worse. Most of the time it’s not too bad and I can understand I’m being irrotational. The night before I had a dream where the government was tracking all my conversations and tapping my conversations. I when I tell my boyfriend about it he reminds me I’m being irrational and I will calm down. I’ve told him about it before and I deleted all social media a couple of years back due to thinking people will stalk me. My one friend I was telling all my delusions about actually agreed with me and that set me off that I actually believed everything and stopped thinking I was irrational. I started going off on my boyfriend through text that everything made sense. He had to ground me again that I was being irritational and no one is stalking me. Does anyone else get this feeling?",3.9627253218884095,6.087394145922753,5.311439914163092,77.73213841201718,73.20600858369099,8.265150214592275,31.39248927038627,8.982922981607832,2.9354980257510737,968,46,174,21,20,323,121,233,0.098,0.841,0.061,-0.8169,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,0,12,3,0,0,9,0,20,3,0,2,4,29,35,11,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,11,12,1,1,4,1,0,1,3,1,0,3,11,1,34,2,28,19,4,33,0,0,0,0,12,15,0,2,16,128,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.2146570643439767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413746958643516,0.0,0.0,0.07690337976764858,0.11269161953983968,0.0,0.1958181806544364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457091777345989,0.09183205756289643,0.0,0.0,0.2807648853452253,0.4956572824626946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852101532163966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169521944000775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163145895313743,0.0,0.0,0.2521024169722915,0.0,0.09624775172440878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254110374873127,0.09187753076475623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976930797485172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561122207269023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497337630434143,0.0,0.05746210783480326,0.0,0.06250644967633325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104069533245007,0.07341518331149988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079732308915563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321254651442074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22358404266173207,0.08364779863289168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624906695256163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425062999089333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211485154748084,0.18637819611491707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569450223203796,0.0,0.0,0.0919515603702553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922617517631656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094663028186508,0.0,0.0,0.06413256296732234,0.0,0.0,0.10509443853335096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449723725416106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22416621270236028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416521979553561 bpd,motail1990,2020/03/31,"Confused about my past TW: suicide, hospitalisation, sexual assult Hello, all, I've been a quiet observer on this page for a while, since being diagnosed with BPD last year at 27. I was diagnosed after a failed suicide attempt last year, that ended up with me in the hospital, but only for 8 days, a short stint. I was diagnosed due to my instability in my mood, my issues with self-identify, suicide attempts and ideation, feelings of emptiness, some risky behaviours, very strong emotions, hallucinations, paranoia and disassociation. However, I do have relatively (obviously not always) stable relationships with people, and Ive never suffered with the 'borderline rage'. I always been unstable, I flit around and can't hold down a job, I change my mind about everything and always think reinventing myself will fix me! (I'm sure so many of you can relate!) Anyway, to get to my point, I haven't started DBT yet, but I am on the waiting list (where I am in the UK, the wait list is about 2-4 years) but I have had the initial appointments to see if I am a good fit for it. In these meetings, it's suggested, as I've also seen suggested in various other places too, that borderline is caused by childhood trauma. Now this is the part where I get confused and concerned... I don't think anything happened in my childhood. I can't remember any of it. I remember some big events from school, but I honestly cannot remember anything about home, or my family. So surely nothing bad could have happened to me, right? The only bad things I can remember happening to me as a child, were my best friend at school dying next to me in the classroom, we were about 13, and she died from sudden death syndrome, basically her heart just stopped. I went to a fundamental Christian school, and they didn't really help us cope with the death well, at all. We were told many times to pray, or else she would go to hell. About the same time, my dad lost his job, so we were pretty poor for a while, but we never went hungry or anything. And when I was 18, I was raped by a guy at uni, then when I was about 26, a friend sexually assaulted me. My mother died of breast cancer when I was 23. Ive not been without sadness in my life, but I don't think I've had it harder than others. I just keep coming back to the same thing, as far as I remember, I didn't have a traumatic childhood. People say that without the childhood trigger, you don't end up with a personality disorder. So it makes me wonder, have I been diagnosed with the wrong thing? Am I just over reacting? I love to hear people's thoughts and opinions on this, and apologies for my rambling here, I m never really sure how to word it properly. Thank you for taking the time to read this ❤️",5.939308586337763,6.290216931688808,6.707954814990512,76.30252045777992,66.59013282732448,10.003059772296016,31.838768975332066,9.903583721103773,2.9927305977229604,2141,81,408,45,32,709,264,527,0.175,0.698,0.127,-0.9829,3,0,0,0,0,3,85.0,5,3,1,6,29,27,4,2,28,0,46,10,2,5,9,83,75,37,8,3,17,2,1,0,2,2,6,3,1,3,19,25,0,5,11,1,1,4,16,14,1,0,24,6,66,12,71,47,10,68,3,4,2,3,31,29,1,10,35,287,85,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055036158998443864,0.17179384955839286,0.0,0.0,0.04680066562193978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699015503275299,0.06126531447600495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291912993573196,0.11492538367513375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222343316405612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866776878107358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069816336334861,0.07280353256131919,0.059283230162614026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054947998598732235,0.0,0.0,0.0443838759054827,0.0,0.0,0.2794076184477821,0.2142761151309804,0.0,0.0788748715995102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057491146090413676,0.07741440437391488,0.12191002450322835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061851911094489224,0.0,0.06487834944468945,0.0,0.034797984510853704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634192604537283,0.0,0.07191230344777634,0.0,0.03911258171637368,0.057723821245541214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814364736860415,0.1825746491062357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756631126845391,0.08155326105578546,0.04612929089692274,0.0,0.06903311215522433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183128311028351,0.13658852134886929,0.06117130045911656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121966623228486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048610334219855736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512629239466763,0.0,0.06211367349288121,0.0,0.0459385770806434,0.13954746071338708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694896294222871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923708091073158,0.0,0.07319195437036469,0.0,0.0,0.06603564180373091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046830007580002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452647728704158,0.06569746776422686,0.14313552652992065,0.060091875583874826,0.07190333660373645,0.0,0.06505812556842341,0.0,0.0,0.07001573696851474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883966166784153,0.0,0.08817703805061823,0.0,0.0,0.0738880389543734,0.3898040993728816,0.058772790179106485,0.0,0.05472925146726222,0.0,0.20895169305031466,0.0548414567711718,0.0,0.07179535165011909,0.0,0.0,0.056929473577015735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048711884716485625,0.0,0.0,0.057537469134027686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258371354700488,0.0,0.19458904075605915,0.0,0.05174485547984719,0.0,0.0,0.06336116513238366,0.0,0.0,0.1371649182887759,0.13229322629327622,0.0,0.054636216563298506,0.1203903016118491,0.0,0.0,0.06576145079998777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278323466345043,0.0,0.0,0.056784563639191876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061878377982526774,0.1275955829054571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268204895070154,0.07463347969586538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048888490622578815,0.07524500103674746,0.0,0.1329554757114262 bpd,Cariad_Bach,2020/03/31,"I'm freaking out. This isolation is killing me. I miss being with people. Even my shitty shop job. I see people. I talk. I'm angry all the time. I don't do anything but lay bed rewatching shows and movies and eating until I'm sick. Sending photos of my ugly face to my boyfriend half hoping him to tell me I'm disgusting and dumping me and half hoping he'll be like wow you're so cute I love my girlfriend and instead I get nothing. I need something anything. I wanna hurt or cry for a reason or be anything but horny and sad. I just feel kinda numb and apart from everything like I'm falling out of the world. My face doesn't feel like mine anymore and I just want to crawl out of my skin. I miss my attention whore days. At least I got attention. I thought it would be different with a bf. But it's never enough. Nothing is good enough I'm not good enough. I've thought more about dying the last two weeks than I have in the past two days.",0.4119557823129263,2.7457019642857183,1.983775510204083,95.3856292517007,88.03061224489795,4.6952380952380945,20.41156462585034,6.21433560688645,0.10031360544217628,739,24,160,7,24,239,117,196,0.256,0.597,0.147,-0.971,2,2,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,6,20,3,0,6,0,11,8,3,1,2,37,32,15,2,6,8,0,3,3,2,2,2,0,1,0,3,13,1,0,7,2,1,2,4,10,0,4,3,4,26,10,19,23,6,17,0,4,1,2,8,7,0,5,11,95,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831612579131546,0.0,0.0,0.31942091311599674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212442428701424,0.1668865074159266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428222054113473,0.1351808114156499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239415948823724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010709153071492,0.0,0.08545821997548303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628377658523295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084287889811158,0.09243337045529704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067598834699513,0.0,0.0,0.217045643847874,0.10348178838962836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25701894601573666,0.0,0.0,0.13851036834988076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839562124746018,0.0,0.14314641750222384,0.0,0.0,0.10546684317666427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896343638759496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167758991359255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959380652355636,0.0997904446984713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482986760566457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351355889456996,0.17939989558811356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330303373508359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310387494810704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960764915990357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399555022232816,0.11308905003833936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20543603222229503,0.07544600583305376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527826052256857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631520368432873,0.0,0.1037856292650247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191208841486738,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Quinerra89,2020/03/31,"DAE notice that they have trained themselves to switch from overly sensitive to completely uncaring? I thought that over the years I had developed some special sort of confidence because I had finally learned to “toughen up” like my Dad always said. I used to be so scared of people’s opinions and thoughts and feelings lest they be negative towards me, and now I tell myself I don’t give a FUCK, everyone is stupid, bla bla bla. Is this a manifestation of BPD, or am I just a jaded bitch? I tend to be way more of a pushed away than a clingy type.",6.68767295597484,6.598551226415098,6.773584905660377,77.96559748427673,65.0377358490566,10.462893081761008,36.53459119496856,10.125756701596842,3.577640251572328,434,20,84,9,6,139,78,106,0.19399999999999998,0.72,0.085,-0.9353,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,4,6,3,1,6,0,10,1,0,1,0,13,18,5,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,5,2,13,2,16,10,2,10,0,0,0,1,6,5,2,4,4,58,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19736469412203206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22285189264806124,0.0,0.0,0.14459146957067762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987379708751937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486937551985037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266493589064563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993258641160108,0.0,0.0,0.25983480813480386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21928234745301106,0.0,0.2275384266157817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588117454916673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700473309395175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16444069146940926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256261365832761,0.0,0.2374729156331568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073183100242036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37661162600592185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048597551420175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827382851177216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15274537978564626 bpd,musicager,2020/03/31,"Being aware when splitting but not being able to stop Hi all, I’ve been fairly stable for a couple of years, since I did schema therapy with an extremely talented therapist. The past few months, and few weeks in particular, I’ve been extremely tough. I broke my knee in January, and now that I am starting to walk again, we’re in lockdown. I’ve noticed patterns and mechanisms coming back, and I’m talking about them with my loved ones which is helping. However, I’m majorly splitting every day with my boyfriend. I’m super mean to him after he does stuff that is fairly minimal. He is really good at making me notice that I’ve split, and calls me on it. What worries me though is that today I noticed I split, but I couldn’t help it. I was aware I was purposely hurting him, and I couldn’t stop doing it. I’m sure you can all imagine how that has felt once I’ve calmed down. Any tips / suggestions / stories are very welcome",5.0709706959706935,5.864710950549451,5.820604395604399,80.34522893772895,68.61538461538461,9.143589743589745,30.551282051282055,9.2995712137729,2.629328205128205,731,28,140,14,12,239,117,182,0.094,0.7090000000000001,0.196,0.9740000000000001,1,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,1,1,7,10,0,0,3,0,18,2,1,2,3,25,28,11,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,10,0,2,3,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,6,1,19,7,16,18,5,22,0,2,0,1,14,6,0,0,14,87,30,0,0.1519635467483171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334042284091656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168505872995163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517177177312216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090313975166892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814477408415926,0.0,0.09800391602210816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329843238237225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803584226948558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590883594483053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745981315084698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20371592426261975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268011977890445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715303399334275,0.0,0.10143684747078094,0.0,0.0,0.16553285204919851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129585319770278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5190345155416956,0.0,0.16183621773331416,0.10297443212416127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506640040499688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735173929597624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257058162181701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756058054054148,0.0,0.0,0.2540966591175658,0.0,0.0,0.17396190406680126,0.0,0.0,0.14322384439558486,0.0,0.0,0.12214254259945433,0.0,0.0,0.1737835594611219,0.17644139036413853,0.0,0.0,0.14930341311915202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440436736862711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125385840977443,0.0,0.0,0.12189599090166395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15432635820901427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097859541785327 bpd,iAmFuckingSuffering6,2020/03/31,"I’m alone and my friends are together, major splitting and I feel ignored My ‘friends’ are talking about something (over text) that neither of them want to tell me, they didn’t even think to message me. The only thing that’s kept me going in this whole quarantine thing is knowing that everyone is dealing with the same, that I’m not the only one isolated and that the whole world has stopped. But now, my ‘friends’ (two of them) have snuck out and met up, so they’ll be spending quarantine together. And I’ll be here, again, alone, splitting because I feel like they don’t want me, now they’re gonna talk about things and spend time together without me. I can’t deal with it, it hurts and I’m too anxious. I feel so, so alone.",4.413749999999997,5.418933986111113,4.366277777777778,89.40650000000002,70.25,7.704444444444445,31.06666666666667,7.908726449838941,1.9099716666666675,570,24,120,7,10,175,84,144,0.141,0.82,0.039,-0.8571,0,6,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,5,0,11,6,0,0,4,0,12,0,0,0,0,24,26,11,0,2,3,0,3,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,11,10,0,3,5,0,2,1,6,2,0,2,3,3,17,4,13,19,5,11,0,1,0,0,15,5,0,0,6,80,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4508606685838436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392938824419487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845576236090914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29919749160093045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958416771054826,0.0,0.0,0.13865577194982476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201110838928464,0.10366433150011282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363274760611369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246754207611558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533983744289542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974690593756682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089185598887393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832812742381546,0.22072053009097095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171030885921183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121315787619748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332627089044173,0.1268297446524134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892075433008603,0.09297858239785307,0.0,0.0,0.0846129457414904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174826502864984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117550802838913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240131346101057,0.0,0.13987778324035535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Feelingabitsht,2020/03/31,"Anyone else considering doubling down on self improvement during this lockdown? I'm finally comitting to DBT Zoom sessions with a Psychotherapist - eek! I am not getting anywhere with my local mental health centre - they announced they are closing down for in-person appointments for 12 weeks and reassigned my new amazing psych to work in-patient at the MH hospital. So now they are doing phone appointments but i'm not high priority enough to qualify - until I had a fucking breakdown and my GP got involved. Now I have an emergency script for diazepam and sleeping tablets to pickup soon from the pharmacy after finding counselling & DBT via NHS is 1yr wait in my area :-( Considering all this, it's not worth the risk to me and i'm ponying up and going private so I can recover from this BS sooner than later! Are any of you guys doing similar and starting proper treatment for the first time?",6.398703703703703,8.321693623456794,6.573765432098768,71.97694444444448,66.46913580246914,9.103703703703703,36.339506172839506,9.516144504307137,3.8955950617283954,725,37,111,15,12,232,116,162,0.06,0.899,0.040999999999999995,-0.6088,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,3,2,5,3,1,1,7,0,10,3,1,0,1,16,19,10,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,9,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,2,0,1,2,0,13,1,23,17,3,23,0,0,0,1,8,10,1,0,12,76,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433055744445619,0.0,0.15270530477670552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570142873907669,0.2300834422416748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18758713939280167,0.0,0.0,0.23202565299513245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459893556942881,0.20523947663899147,0.19100662402543486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20759775702227015,0.11732087641548015,0.0,0.12761995224278794,0.0,0.17959738745318826,0.0,0.0,0.22234505218534414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386917839200307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23725500408653746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22629892709272856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21687690866799392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19607302703271112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342601522774617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22471747181042906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894139758541256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094000163948188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012471722079149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347893331963448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,withthetrouble,2020/03/31,"Dissociation/paranoia/verging on psychosis New to reddit here so I already posted this on r/Borderline but found this more populated group lol so keen to hear more thoughts!!: Hi all, this is my first time posting on reddit but in this fucking wild time of isolation from covid19 and the fallout of being alone with my thoughts all day every day I just want to hear some other people’s thoughts on the bpd trait that I feel like nobody (including professional resources online) talks about: depersonalisation and stress induce paranoia or ‘micro psychotic’ episodes. This might be a long one sorry but I’d love to hear anyone’s experiences/thoughts/what therapists have said about it etc. About a year and a half ago some friends took me to an emergency room and I eventually spent some time in a respite centre (in nz our mental health services are super overstretched so there are some charitable trusts that have facilities to house people for a short time. It’s like for if you’re not imminently suicidal or completely psychotic so they won’t admit you to the psych hospital but you’re not safe enough to go home). Anyway.. through that I saw a psychiatrist who said I had traits of bpd. She couldn’t make a conclusive diagnosis because I hadn’t seen her long enough and because I came in through an emergency channel I couldn’t keep seeing her but she described what had happened as basically being an episode of severe dissociation because of extreme stress. Ive never really felt satisfied that that summary actually helped me understand what I was experiencing and even though I’ve scoured the internet for info on it and watched practically every YouTube vid on bpd, the mentions of this kind of extreme dissociation or paranoia that seems like psychosis, are few and far between. So what happened for me: my best friend and I were apparently ‘emotionally enmeshed’. I was really stressed at the time with university and I had a couple of dreams in which my best friend had killed herself and somehow people saw me as responsible for it because she blamed me in her suicide note or something. (Can’t fully remember now) but after that dream we took a short trip together and during that time I was super dissociative and I remember feeling like she didn’t exist even though she was with me. I was seeing a psychotherapist at the time who didn’t really take it seriously and chalked it up to some escapist idea because maybe it was ‘easier for me to pretend my best friend didn’t exist for a little bit’. Anyway a couple months passed and then I had that dream again. I’d been super out of it at that time and drinking heavily for a couple days and when in a fight I asked my best friend to leave me alone she said ‘maybe I will’ and I think that triggered me into this kind of psychosis again where I thought I had killed her or that she killed her self but it was my fault and somehow she didn’t exist but was following me to make sure I knew I killed her and hold me accountable for it. I ended up jumping out a window (ground floor) at my university one night and climbing on the roof because I thought people were trying to find me make me pay for what I’d done. That was the night my best friend and some others took me to the ER. For about a week after that I would fade in and out of reality: between thinking she was dead and knowing she wasn’t. I remember thinking people were talking about me and saying repeatedly ‘they know’. After all that I returned to university a few weeks later. I still don’t feel I understand what happened but it still feels really important to me to be able to call it something. For a while I just decided to tell people I had a short psychotic episode but now years on that still doesn’t feel like the right definition because I can remember a lot of what happened and usually people who are psychotic don’t remember much of their episodes. I think it makes sense that when you have an unstable sense of self and are already dissociating a lot, that if something strikes a really deep nerve (like my best friend hinting that maybe she really would leave me alone and kill herself) that the mind might just dissociate to a point where nothing is really based in reality for a while. I guess what confuses me about this is that I wish like in schizophrenia or bipolar or something I could put it down to uncontrollable chemical changes in the mind but I feel like with bpd, the question always remains with me of whether I just decided to let my mind unravel like my therapist once said. And so I guess if I had allowed myself to fall apart like that then I can’t really feel sympathy or compassion toward myself in that time because it was my own fault. Whereas I feel like if I knew it was out of my control, I could move on and stop blaming myself. Hope this resonates with someone and maybe you can share your experience and thoughts? Hope you are all hanging in there in this crazy time.",7.418414123642544,7.544064682743842,7.287047260814173,74.17231450585453,63.48017148981779,10.557050698699667,35.39584218083277,10.23491550297108,3.539133365689904,3971,166,724,82,53,1266,357,933,0.126,0.7,0.17300000000000001,0.9956,2,4,5,0,1,1,55.0,2,5,3,13,38,53,7,5,42,1,66,5,0,8,6,161,132,72,8,14,30,0,9,11,7,6,2,8,3,2,62,45,1,5,41,6,4,14,17,15,1,4,53,24,112,38,110,64,28,115,0,0,6,2,63,50,1,31,60,517,174,5,0.039918541626180484,0.0,0.03895473830829504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03538537860463068,0.0,0.0,0.12403071096738785,0.08810220664381932,0.0,0.033215424440678605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027911972457348503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03731844781346138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467177971849406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25135227995022463,0.0,0.04358070864415183,0.0,0.20110402305351244,0.0,0.040761294160845535,0.045656177199521066,0.0,0.0,0.04222852403076922,0.0,0.041853831413013576,0.0,0.044772038776252014,0.0637434145744203,0.13250732113971714,0.0,0.07723247091099918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04085052750520991,0.0,0.0391049736461397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044902986440639205,0.035355979429914634,0.08249304879728125,0.044519725903122004,0.05273164052671949,0.0,0.06726618598527992,0.0,0.0,0.03904799347799463,0.0,0.0,0.16147211251335955,0.1425890705692255,0.03832806002440688,0.0,0.036484823860971904,0.03395469111483268,0.0,0.04376862048587505,0.21588676366714196,0.036904048494593694,0.0,0.0,0.022686627129311143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794954811482886,0.0,0.1411993381080927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042431543073468435,0.13497329281182396,0.0,0.02675655700528481,0.0,0.04004155200999844,0.07929623782092793,0.0,0.046060637470620704,0.0,0.0450631745943713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035481433943545464,0.2208197594269021,0.08313803654595983,0.04387637303539348,0.0,0.0,0.08453594359945807,0.0,0.04081941337671058,0.0,0.21452401382643185,0.04000886568659789,0.0,0.0706533063518436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787463318004264,0.036028042341548154,0.0,0.10658374603212484,0.0,0.16041416192067068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04022850101799839,0.08469452878110599,0.1209190426361556,0.0,0.031862599080915426,0.04242709234425854,0.029344721181510162,0.0,0.030787640202141524,0.03855357625074253,0.0,0.07492169431999983,0.0,0.03830291729934143,0.0,0.0,0.0425119440316199,0.054099673811754484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19372143385323776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037735924649659455,0.0,0.07646185674758567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04012915990949071,0.04471790240874778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20458271950726425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22609963003918584,0.03409021643755228,0.15188669736219948,0.03174482651408059,0.0,0.0,0.06361981881011781,0.036340341060901546,0.08328748965308846,0.04509658967645208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0338228507792989,0.12292497434930198,0.0,0.04468553917137024,0.0,0.0,0.09563699672265023,0.03337368823345877,0.1371796636863481,0.0,0.0,0.08732881099512256,0.0,0.03762275306613996,0.0,0.030013775379086,0.06417002334328363,0.03489056486222582,0.0,0.0,0.0926970070986452,0.0,0.10231275853596444,0.07843952894043249,0.1901451786409104,0.2327682263863399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330529056209479,0.027102069442285617,0.0,0.0,0.08311321927167252,0.0,0.0,0.043964633952156135,0.0,0.023544990104871745,0.0,0.06404049248641899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045904352830005817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05671397330465462,0.0,0.0,0.051412464052926383 bpd,OhMySweetBoy,2020/03/31,"I feel horrible about this but i cant help it I romanticize BPD and erotomania. Have you ever heard of a yandere? Its my biggest daydream. I want a crazy girl to stalk me, hate every girl who talks to me, and kidnap me. Yep. I want a girl like a more severe version of you. I feel horrible about it but i cant help but like it.",-1.3594675324675336,0.6332320142857171,1.726103896103897,94.02162337662338,100.28571428571428,4.831168831168832,17.79220779220779,6.574015621080383,0.06757142857142863,251,8,58,4,11,88,41,70,0.331,0.524,0.145,-0.9556,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,3,4,1,0,4,1,3,0,0,0,1,10,9,5,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,13,3,6,8,2,2,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,0,3,39,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3767168195597253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27056085920492223,0.25201190173649324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024765976831635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29530782463807737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4009723884923876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922587135148303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33790758788316033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240412168169531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528440119375351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,k88885180,2020/03/31,Unstable self image Is it just me or is this a trait among people with BPD? My self image shifts so much during the day. Like I’d be so happy about my face (think I look pretty good) in the morning and just be pure disgusted (like I don’t even understand how people can bare looking at me) in the afternoon (or anytime really) because I realized what I actually look like if that makes any sense.,5.011898734177215,5.4738448734177245,6.255544303797468,78.35496202531645,68.62025316455697,9.864303797468356,28.458227848101266,9.888512548439397,2.5981524050632903,311,10,61,7,5,105,59,79,0.07,0.778,0.153,0.7929999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,1,0,4,0,6,1,1,2,1,13,12,7,0,1,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,8,5,6,10,1,6,0,0,3,0,2,4,0,3,5,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.196124176734129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366709842113593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225134739338222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531230003853778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961328482203185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274315314731142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685696422738549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139433347795028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945610546674141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5063091966612254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415344545735752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774093045288722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786637472848912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044654612195224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875076043331898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4193248639276817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287776943748002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092237352023089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thecoalescence,2020/03/31,"Men with BPD? What are your experiences like? Flair just in case, idk 🤷🏻‍♂️ My therapist last session started talking about BPD and a lot of what I’ve seen on this subreddit I relate to. But I was just wondering if there were other men out there that have this because it feels like I’m crazy and (I know this is so stupid, so sorry for the ignorance... the thought stems from trauma) like I’m just a sissy because the vast majority of people I see posting here or videos on YouTube are women. I just want to know how you cope with it all. The goal isn’t for self diagnosing, just relatability I guess.",1.2266510538641704,3.6486013606557393,2.8970960187353647,89.81295081967217,84.57377049180329,6.108665105386418,21.82903981264637,7.447530270364453,0.8447334894613578,474,16,101,8,14,156,85,122,0.08900000000000001,0.838,0.07400000000000001,-0.4209,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,1,12,6,1,0,6,0,7,1,0,1,1,24,19,8,0,2,8,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,4,9,5,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,3,9,3,14,15,3,8,0,0,2,0,7,5,0,5,5,63,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411263262450601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4981869929181994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20073972430032824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934640804785416,0.0,0.0,0.10000210954478808,0.1412920919458308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21787391539244405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173863855209243,0.16121483864488687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898718919895703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814312755142416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711382814265646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18941591474719396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576028452428303,0.0,0.2063247835024009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22139541565301896,0.1399877406702017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896584503620045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296346065971178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570130279290046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665413392066845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21448096828500895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,catsl0veboxez,2020/03/31,"Ready to end it Ready to end it Soooooo tonight I looked at my husband’s phone and saw he has been regularly texting his ex of 4yrs. He also called her while he was at work today and they were on the phone for 11 mins. This is an ex that he had saved nude photos of and used them to masturbate to during a dry spell in our marriage. He says it’s nothing but he was hiding it, didn’t mention he was all buddy buddy with THIS ex, and got super pissed when I confronted him. I’m so angry I’m shaking. He told me if I leave I can’t come back. It’s nice to know that keeping in contact with his ex is worth more than his wife, and our children. After he got super mad and called me a psycho, garbage, and bitch, he came back in the room and tried to hug me. It made my skin crawl. We had been doing so well too! I hoped I would see nothing but he has been accusing me of being grumpy, moody, sensitive the past few days (which only brought it into fruition when I wasn’t to begin with...) and that was kind of my red flag right there. I also saw he has been talking to chicks on Snapchat. He saved one where (just days from my birthday) he told some chick she was “on fleek.” I think I’m destined to just be a single mom. Fuck him and guys that think it’s ok to be shady and dismissive to the woman their supposed to love. Fuck him... he’ll regret losing me. I hope he knows This is the last time. I have money to leave but have been a stay at home mom for the better part of 8yrs, have very little work experience, and the only income I have is from child support. I want to send my daughter to live with her grandma, my son to live with his biological dad, and leave my infant daughter with my husband.... how the fuck would I support my children or find a cheap home... especially with this virus bullshit going around... He has guns all over the house... it wouldn’t be so hard to pull the trigger and end it...",2.4292937438905184,3.694891553030306,3.4267839687194512,93.24646627565984,75.3888888888889,6.0187683284457485,22.37015314434669,6.207218560251982,0.17892596937113006,1469,38,335,9,31,471,200,396,0.146,0.7170000000000001,0.136,-0.6899,1,0,0,1,1,0,56.0,3,0,3,6,17,26,7,1,16,1,36,8,3,4,2,55,69,28,0,8,7,13,2,0,0,4,0,1,3,8,19,26,0,1,5,0,3,7,4,11,1,1,24,8,44,15,47,37,7,42,0,2,5,6,67,16,5,5,18,206,63,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574461886380517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763320729042315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513898401714118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706291236180994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20103818278322846,0.11259008191449416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479805648791623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269723800765256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615680635799936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629401877146576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997313308101075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27302087676931186,0.0,0.0,0.055946190932505885,0.0,0.15746424525093214,0.0,0.0,0.09747189623448728,0.0,0.0,0.08818364583988889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19748835304750373,0.1955479074113796,0.0,0.11358749820835645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749873071259683,0.0,0.10251097353172636,0.10820100887066113,0.08024241327025786,0.0,0.3127038682954566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986635706549541,0.1738501086977721,0.0,0.0826655022836849,0.1101301059700311,0.0,0.0,0.08884669035532661,0.09314709133746273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23058541520592024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889132582191829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670605249530995,0.14973737070756912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660182337394583,0.09397290881928418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840679289554516,0.0,0.0782840972857279,0.0,0.0,0.07844459447309554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492482432334976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22341896931819755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912300840587126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261538150042809,0.0,0.0,0.05740163825236873,0.0,0.0933103942437688,0.1881288588482272,0.0,0.06683486015976074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502126841378227,0.0,0.08122399238215779,0.05806295067146516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851012634011254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333218993128918,0.0,0.0,0.13985907913758672,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jikolololz,2020/03/31,"I want to save my boyfriend. Just came out of an episode 8 hours ago and haven't slept since... It was one of the bad ones where it slowly tore down his reality. The one where a part of me feels too suicidal out of nowhere and almost unprovoked. I quickly snapped out of it through his help and constant re-assurance. I have experience with myself and am very critical of self-improvement. So I developed recognizing an episode for a few years now. And I can't do this. Not to him and not to anyone ever again. I love him and I feel that coming from the REAL me! Not from this illness, not the idealization. I think I have to break up with him. I entered this relationship forgetting I had this problem- AGAIN. Forgetting why I had so much emptiness and hurt. I even warned him, a side of me WARNED him. And I failed to see the same warning for myself. But I can't get myself to tell him this is what we should do. He just tells me to trust him and to never give up. He doesn't realize the hurt, the pain and the loss of the self dealing with me. I'm so tired of repeating the same mistakes, only to realize it when it's too late. I'm so tired of not being able to control the constant distrust towards him. I am so tired of waking up every morning knowing I'll do it all again no matter how much I try to keep it down. I am tired of crying like a child from small ""negatives"" that don't exist. I am tired of losing myself, only to wake up being apologetic and have NOTHING to show for it. Please tell me this is the right decision... Sure, he is too good to be true. He keeps re-assuring me. He tells me he will keep re-assuring me even if it means repeating things over and over. I just love him so much that I don't want to see the man I love change for the worse because of me. That's harder than anything else. Watching everyone turn. &#x200B; tldr; I want to break up with my bf to save him the trouble of dealing with me.",2.246332442067736,3.9458849671717218,3.612959001782532,89.90414438502674,76.85353535353536,6.9820558526440895,24.525846702317292,7.827709963407826,1.1581458110516931,1501,51,328,23,34,492,179,396,0.191,0.711,0.098,-0.9915,0,0,0,0,0,0,54.0,1,0,0,5,24,22,1,0,21,0,27,13,3,2,5,68,51,23,1,8,10,0,2,1,1,2,7,0,0,3,21,24,0,4,8,1,0,3,14,11,0,3,5,5,53,11,59,41,8,39,0,5,3,3,35,18,0,2,17,239,74,1,0.08419203198452521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463115649775441,0.0,0.08430615851867873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122203148017363,0.1023025341383184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058869026325827786,0.0,0.06928286869722941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029683000355319,0.05132268125557809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629325557705803,0.0,0.0,0.08906400637457343,0.07252398068268524,0.0,0.1819633536159016,0.09442852286443316,0.0,0.0,0.09248099378174432,0.0,0.1735965762326536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033163943748824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121608618362856,0.07615651301479953,0.07093541811952696,0.0804490945314808,0.0,0.08235596246519025,0.0,0.0,0.0851400421177811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04398686181394106,0.08076466874063587,0.0,0.07061628196471767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056432144347359874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829121923113924,0.0,0.18025862308091456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245012392541375,0.0,0.0,0.0462697389668424,0.0,0.09497227922533416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04113197412383848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418934830293872,0.0,0.0,0.2279597878272751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170980457107646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18567249230395325,0.0,0.06493408534060141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078452536081125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115209933888406,0.1280636683249847,0.0895862580111501,0.0,0.0,0.09117176618561736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241756872630767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056040422690877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958289643799036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039073436298377,0.0,0.0718995352973372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418029822507924,0.0,0.17566130191952548,0.0,0.0,0.0696445188740518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209241807132884,0.0,0.07934999377364346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943501874739942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559334450177034,0.053946854570430386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4838317780899027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05716086320736815,0.09157675444857756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946724369011464,0.14897592541441473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597021363316224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579887331874972,0.0,0.0,0.1023025341383184,0.05421690825383736 bpd,thats_madness,2020/03/31,"DAE feel this and what would it be called? Does anyone else look in the mirror and feel like they dont look like other people? Not even in a looks way, like I just dont look like a human. I look like a cartoon character. Or an alien. But I know I dont, but in my head I just dont look like others. I dont look as human as everyone else, I never thought I have, and I hate it. I feel so out of place, not only in my own body, but in life as well. I feel like I'm not all there sometimes, and, when certain feelings come up, not at all. Like I'm on autopilot. I say and do things that I wouldnt normally believe or do in this state. I hate myself and my body, is this detachment of self? Not BPD at all?",-0.19788461538461632,1.3683734423076963,2.157025641025644,98.1213076923077,83.80769230769229,5.442051282051283,17.45128205128205,6.42735559955562,-0.4521456410256413,531,11,136,5,15,181,78,156,0.083,0.7759999999999999,0.14,0.5782,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,0,7,12,2,0,5,0,12,4,3,0,5,35,31,16,0,3,12,0,5,8,0,2,1,1,0,3,10,8,0,0,7,0,0,1,12,2,1,0,1,13,19,10,16,27,4,17,0,0,7,0,6,12,0,2,10,90,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284419482279419,0.09208976399548464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126077331885364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996665102967151,0.11319712735936825,0.0,0.09177462163907353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742120866958545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865210188290292,0.0,0.5266767671926224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016165637096168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05936301161894868,0.0,0.0,0.08588147087861102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272229442209778,0.12841651150446565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747016167126406,0.092239888092977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04939413256027192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348289084131438,0.3512754949915726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5283192041194118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931880081044159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806052678938538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835562454687727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062309501001136275,0.0,0.0939024950558102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147391912610805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376147160610523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889080204169174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059710386517135436,0.0,0.0,0.07135241976290581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134030027065642,0.0,0.0,0.08081035396991343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384615048217626,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CartierBlade,2020/03/31,"DAE get extremely attached to fictional characters and cry over them? I know as BPD Warriors we get extremely attached to things, especially fictional characters from any media we consume and like, but I guess I’m just looking for some reaffirmation that it’s not weird. I was binge-watching a show tonight with my partner (also FP), and after a certain character died I just lost all desire to watch it. I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it, and further, I can’t stop crying. I wish sometimes that I could be as detached as a neurotypical person when it comes to the media I consume. I know human beings are supposed to have empathy but god damn it, can’t I just stop fucking crying?",5.791606837606839,7.117597784615384,6.472564102564102,74.38465811965816,67.30769230769229,9.162393162393165,35.982905982905976,9.444778638647367,3.631649572649573,552,28,93,11,9,181,85,130,0.23399999999999999,0.6559999999999999,0.11,-0.9637,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,0,1,1,6,6,2,0,4,0,8,3,1,0,2,27,21,11,1,3,6,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,8,8,0,2,4,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,3,16,2,15,16,2,8,0,1,2,1,6,2,2,2,6,65,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730063871190197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525888549832856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319870973727151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15866764372318656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470646832342135,0.0,0.6069885257704006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911652823276354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931345035266824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028526752614215,0.1924685229105664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029115089057363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202457459958718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998835081139803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546773712486567,0.0,0.2010705517095505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083192969827684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18217352003392545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079904596375725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237094327612152,0.11802468949434235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21181510758683025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,massdepresso,2020/03/31,"I accidentally told my friend I cut oops Our texting went like this: Friend: *lyrics to teenagers by mcr* Me: *more lyrics from teenagers* Me: ""lmao I can't listen to mcr because my dad thinks it glorifies self harm too late bitch haha"" Then I deleted the message. Friend: ""... "" That was a shit idea of ""hey, let's tell a friend I'm not even that good of friends with I cut"" that was probably a very short lived bpd impulse But my boyfriend said he (my friend, not my boyfriend to my knowledge) also cut so I guess he was cool? Yeah we're the gay transgender kids and we're all bisexual (me and my bf) or pansexual (my friend)",0.1873299101412087,2.5745631544715444,1.1331108258451008,98.46908857509632,96.3170731707317,4.540693196405648,20.294822421908425,6.339386263674448,0.07268455284552866,480,17,108,6,19,148,82,123,0.147,0.603,0.25,0.9459,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,0,0,4,17,5,0,5,3,5,2,1,0,1,12,12,7,0,0,4,1,0,1,8,0,0,2,0,2,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,6,3,18,11,8,5,2,4,0,0,0,1,20,1,2,2,3,54,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170887066712194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925374647390524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844056443564264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967062916161917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7918436868161405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280667286305685,0.0,0.0,0.16129357180145454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528567895650645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651634623260377,0.0,0.0,0.1497201321324273,0.0,0.07153139120184418,0.0,0.12928788278812245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15786105608426051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392750073865652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15274366930213154,0.0,0.150293771523976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797391116668794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381736813235003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399066243560222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208084146204775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572896484093985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pizzadrew,2020/03/31,"FP Input Just looking for input here. I know as people w/ BPD we can get pretty wrapped up with FP’s, and our FP’s might not always be the best choices of people. Have any of you guys ever actually experienced a scenario where you felt your FP wronged you so badly that you left them completely? Did you regret it, feel proud of yourself, want to go back? If you haven’t experienced anything like this, do you ever see yourself getting to that point?",5.01094696969697,6.035367897727273,5.684545454545457,80.43015151515155,68.88636363636363,7.684848484848485,29.43939393939393,7.793537801064563,1.8831757575757573,357,13,67,4,6,116,68,88,0.094,0.7559999999999999,0.15,0.6687,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,8,1,2,7,6,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,2,14,16,4,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,6,12,3,9,12,1,8,0,1,2,0,12,4,0,2,4,45,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.1980171547248075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688427166078395,0.0,0.0,0.13799012379621114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698292393426514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603020157893155,0.16942673474738354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21294826368075093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25556612737075496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21275400556270496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670990378710368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260063883066453,0.0,0.19483158459669464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120309086069376,0.0,0.11532207760954767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009191581222068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151755762485507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204692838887518,0.0,0.0,0.09913471303277237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703986868648888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152622548413027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813533919232745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19182160513819002,0.0,0.0,0.20643894875373486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616981149402913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196853618086726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218572507490004,0.0,0.0 bpd,loominggloom,2020/03/31,"School Cancellation Causing Me to want To Relapse please read carefully since theres content warning! hey everyone! my first time posting here, so please go easy :) im freaking out because my school just cancelled for the rest of the school year. should be every kid's dream right? well im a senior, and i was gonna go to prom and graduate. i never expected to be alive to the age where id graduate and be an adult. but im here now and i was really happy and excited that all these years of working to stay alive to be handed my diploma in front of my classmates in my cap and gown and everything but I cant have that now and its freaking me out. its really all i can do to not start self harming again, I had a really close call last night, but the urges are getting stronger now and its scaring me because ive come so far and haven't relapsed with self harm in years. i know everyone is having a hard time right now, and i hope it doesn't sound selfish when i say that i just feel like this school closure and everything is another sign to me that my life is so fucked and that maybe all these bad things are happening cause ive outlived my welcome. i cant even see my therapist during these times because of everything happening. im not asking so much for advice, i dont want to burden anyone with taking on some therapist role, its selfish to ask but can i just have any reassurance? and any tips on stoping self harm relapse is welcome. im just freaking out and dont know what to do",5.32924092409241,5.339965438943897,5.929455445544559,82.53332508250827,67.87788778877889,9.373597359735973,31.684818481848183,9.150863307647796,2.5097313531353134,1180,45,244,20,18,384,154,303,0.11699999999999999,0.693,0.19,0.9565,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,20,21,1,1,8,0,29,3,1,2,4,48,49,24,0,5,10,0,3,1,0,2,1,2,0,5,16,22,0,0,3,2,0,4,9,12,1,1,3,6,27,9,28,40,6,38,0,0,1,1,14,13,1,2,20,155,43,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219341256475113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439828300088307,0.0881989157037389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05881316602057881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572669986141071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023012595514071,0.15382194483389655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588790220249415,0.0,0.08575793546725505,0.17281268102929598,0.0,0.07245516331043275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971576100890472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05555527710509293,0.0,0.07086810812042507,0.1607455141757413,0.22678371136934586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04252962673747535,0.060089731694329185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154574578223234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776032074625412,0.04394512306470013,0.0,0.09560573835059544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876018036412125,0.08953894017624274,0.07534795873003293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354233666029777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.454277740242217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245166803079384,0.06856262276185851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05941089402202479,0.04109294435260813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450195298369684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06183210309887576,0.0,0.06487246995379149,0.0,0.0,0.07893354819904748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18465974900399906,0.0,0.0,0.08055618215461402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413490484065866,0.0,0.1616531776692095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366262091172094,0.0,0.06688935204848115,0.08421092852510348,0.34050391659212753,0.06702648785563546,0.0,0.2632419276650606,0.0,0.0,0.06957843379797649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059535007667610426,0.0896523528549279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324186357563608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19532136170004252,0.055880370259934815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713940081118815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922304230607228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562691792958423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612346418021586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624963869084642 bpd,darkie_cel,2020/03/31,"I really need your opinion on this To make this simple and short. I´ve been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now, and in the middle of a discussion we just had, he told that he has one teddy bear that his last girlfriend gave to him for one of his birthdays. I want to know what do you think? should I be cool with that or not? because I´m not, and I´m losing my mind over this. (the last girlfriend cheated on him and that´s why he broke up with her because he couln´t forgive her, but he still loved her. I know that girl didn´t do anything to me, but he really loved her and it drives me crazy just to think of her)",5.4754761904761935,4.9082251190476205,5.2903174603174605,89.19357142857143,67.65079365079364,8.152380952380952,27.523809523809533,6.868970318607317,1.0536476190476187,479,12,107,3,7,148,78,126,0.053,0.821,0.126,0.8706,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,2,0,1,4,7,1,0,3,1,7,2,0,1,0,26,18,8,0,3,7,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,9,8,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,4,1,20,4,17,12,0,14,0,2,0,2,27,7,0,2,6,72,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18042506897911564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673070119598307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409894682975809,0.3574380074779064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452860279057015,0.0,0.0,0.39576556433635296,0.0,0.1463518888897594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213812262044639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257199820442111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29714059583845803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809158858524973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509430395243608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28097465189011306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950393225750288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932004753145293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978401196841548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411905943773972 bpd,bklynalliecat,2020/03/31,"Quarantined with FP. Splitting tips? Hi y’all. I’m newly diagnosed with BPD after years of anxiety/depression/bipolar diagnoses. I’m currently quarantined with my FP and I cannot, for the life of me, stop splitting on her. If she greets me with “hello” in the wrong tone, I split, if she looks at me wrong, I split. I’m an introvert that needs alone time to emotionally recover, and I think the inability to now be truly alone is making my splitting worse. Any tips from those more experienced with their BPD diagnoses on coping mechanisms in a situation like this? (You are all so strong and this subreddit has given me a lot of silent support for a bit now!)",4.488959999999999,6.386471376000003,5.616199999999999,77.06110000000002,71.24000000000002,10.12,29.3,10.355215969177356,3.3332400000000013,522,21,97,16,10,173,82,125,0.14300000000000002,0.7509999999999999,0.106,-0.6008,1,4,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,1,1,3,5,0,0,7,0,5,4,0,1,1,16,14,6,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,16,3,19,12,4,12,0,0,1,0,8,5,0,3,8,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441660766613477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129888443013694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18139460858354828,0.0,0.4185244650819138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5059213925359184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186898283736952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735784975737615,0.08117332130423384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952557016158976,0.0,0.0,0.1412562220933268,0.0,0.0,0.11090754082689767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319937012735616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18676145693895774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891024956772924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18854696468219834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646329170134332,0.0,0.0,0.0968843844665267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693227631252381,0.0,0.36332157218771854,0.0,0.10699623851169056 bpd,annieacid,2020/03/31,"DAE feel like they are faking intense emotions I get emotional often, restless and frustrated or self loathing. I tell myself I'm not ""damaged"" enough to have real negative feelings that could truely affect me. I feel like I'm alone in this regard",7.003333333333334,8.359381777777777,6.780000000000005,73.17000000000003,64.55555555555556,8.666666666666668,35.0,8.841846274778883,3.337,200,9,30,3,3,63,38,45,0.318,0.54,0.142,-0.8957,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,1,6,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,10,9,2,0,1,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,6,2,2,8,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,2,2,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545321744523395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19621853884531332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5528915228654125,0.0,0.2539347100867928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727893562790708,0.35114051255901546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839891777103798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401308365950926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27972750976291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256380202299067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148041708296215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Fruitsandchocolate,2020/03/31,"How do I let myself go? I already posted this on another sub but I would love to have your opinion because I have quiet BPD: I'm not really making any progress in therapy. I'm stuck. But I always give my 100%. I work SO hard but it's not working. I'm so exhausted I want to give up. I told my therapist and he told me that I should try to let myself go in therapy. We had this conversation many times and I still tell him the same thing: ""but how? I don't know how to let myself go"". Everytime I feel overwhelmed and want to give up therapy we have the same conversation. I tried everything. I tried to talk about my feelings in different ways. I tell him everything. But something is not working. So I would like to know: does anybody had the same struggle and overcame it? If so how? Thank you 💕",0.13209146681539252,2.498752797546014,2.429606804238709,90.83992610150587,91.5766871165644,6.1538204127161205,22.133017289459016,7.520522993642371,1.1686466257668708,618,24,132,13,22,209,86,163,0.078,0.782,0.14,0.8827,1,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,2,2,0,4,10,6,0,2,3,0,14,2,0,5,0,33,35,18,0,6,9,0,3,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,5,4,29,3,14,24,3,13,0,1,0,1,18,6,0,2,3,91,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127094841966248,0.0,0.09583208595890604,0.0,0.0,0.07832070977531642,0.12076757619302395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020760325174548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505473246597694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203299201663088,0.0,0.0,0.1007875364212327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20701780684115748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646855058244647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314495860883103,0.19636420468357965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317122692849984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659071570204966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35331261882521303,0.0,0.05626707821181206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394696165248854,0.0,0.07687800836185943,0.11676603340115654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030265835528924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378194427615133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866480638669476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197627352462023,0.0,0.0,0.12040247401416425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257065499797247,0.2013302956283584,0.10603463346967744,0.3951266508332951,0.13372322801829595,0.07651496414909993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715754820293393,0.0,0.0,0.22010300212888792,0.0,0.23458208578029185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358625128913489,0.09141793975875223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515391218981128,0.0,0.0,0.1636293516137205,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pyramidkittens,2020/03/31,I’ve been in remission for almost 4 years and things have gotten really bad over the past couple months I went to rehab in 2016 and got treated for my BPD. I was put on the right medicine and went through so much therapy and have truly felt better and normal the past few years. I don’t know where it all went wrong but a couple months ago I just started feeling so sad and so helpless. One night I got drunk and decided to cut myself which I haven’t done in a very long time. From then on I’ve went back and forth with suicidal thought everyday all day. My friendships seem to be falling apart. I’m upset and im helpless. I feel like I need to be admitted honestly but I’m still an essential worker and can’t afford to miss work. I’m so sad guys. I feel like I was doing so well and now I’m distraught. My anxiety is also sky rocketing. Day by day it’s just getting worse. I don’t have any friends to talk to. The one I did have did things that would make her happy at the expense of my emotions. I’m alone. I’m sad. And I’m coming to the realization this is going to be my life.,0.9560434782608702,2.9447875608695675,2.8291304347826087,92.59021739130436,82.08695652173913,6.086956521739131,21.30434782608696,7.255503002510835,0.5714347826086961,849,26,190,12,23,283,131,230,0.233,0.64,0.126,-0.9857,1,1,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,3,13,19,1,2,9,0,21,3,0,1,2,34,50,21,1,3,4,0,4,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,7,14,1,0,9,1,1,8,4,11,1,2,15,4,19,8,23,31,4,38,0,6,0,0,5,11,0,2,21,113,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147353711459536,0.0,0.11462832022027572,0.11855965607832385,0.0,0.0915441335884001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784566480814982,0.0,0.08757164344951496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802278335513067,0.09558029545768312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124219517522802,0.0,0.0,0.1441749202066226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986084792311116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533247177195592,0.0,0.2214771273469882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171457727008254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287668817126658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364318662347458,0.16355927691160535,0.10991217205481932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884416687238351,0.0,0.05980749413907084,0.0,0.06505772697059341,0.0,0.1831092645346401,0.0,0.0,0.11334641209406912,0.0,0.12185879265658152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365064149232526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291144737219494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085576847259769,0.11185159385751944,0.0,0.0,0.10130513204999952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641171392884344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827427461794421,0.0,0.08415093384191595,0.08488038735867592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742529300327973,0.11215937824028227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513993278868485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185551417422878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507712953847984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733344286522927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775944130968993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042120529104039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102468200869163,0.0,0.09141840235667563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521504210396367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200917867976424,0.0,0.0,0.13091001901359825,0.0,0.152101743435314,0.0,0.0,0.09087889123906298,0.06675021206703101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445233414076318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292510602758656,0.4244710132157738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333781373871077,0.0,0.11665791560341934,0.08131843860352142,0.1251584149788156,0.0,0.1474339058942471 bpd,totalynotatrap,2020/03/31,"Questioning if I may have it So I was venting on a discord server and someone said hey that sounds a lot like Bpd and I looked up the symptoms and i heavily relate to all of them and I’m kind trying to not freak out idek why I would tho but yeah idk why I’m even posting this I guess I’m asking, what now?",-1.7848262032085564,0.0789652500000031,0.8767914438502693,99.78692513368985,102.38235294117644,3.6491978609625666,16.475935828877006,5.565023196281405,-0.6781647058823528,239,7,57,2,11,81,52,68,0.07400000000000001,0.792,0.134,0.5863,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,3,1,4,1,0,0,1,14,11,8,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,7,2,6,7,2,5,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,5,2,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23401807234402044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152728648499308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653358806518933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27575883938473633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606727261032305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229509953240555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21020814740689028,0.0,0.0,0.21281553425329608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397400933360921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28041887951160605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381143523778884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120977372937748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26018128660637857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995278257874544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4517548712733004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782216953484925,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Flaechezinker,2020/03/31,"Been here a long time, gonna leave the sub I get that we all have the same diagnosis BPD but the thing that I cant stand is how everyone can relate to everything. Stopped taking my anti-depressants like 2 weeks back maybe a bit more. Please don't tell me how I should totally go back to it blah blah... Im sick of strangers pretending to be able to help me in any way; I read so many posts and comments and I gotta say I cant stand the ""support"". The real world isnt like this and we should accept that. I have seen so much pain, death and torture online and irl to know that humanity is fucked and we are just some people with a personality disorder trying to be normal. Im out",4.004024864024864,4.170632090909091,5.2122610722610725,85.99309246309247,70.74825174825175,8.873038073038073,25.67909867909868,8.841846274778883,1.4794543900543893,531,14,122,9,9,177,98,143,0.217,0.669,0.114,-0.9621,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,3,0,0,0,8,7,2,0,8,0,15,3,0,2,2,26,24,11,1,3,2,0,0,4,0,4,2,1,0,2,7,11,0,1,2,2,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,2,13,4,10,16,7,14,0,0,1,1,9,3,1,1,8,74,20,1,0.1646100623816424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119404871390774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253149954397441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971155448838036,0.0,0.20732061112126726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177840552382134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886573926363614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729196881490828,0.14794090995052514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217935018062118,0.08600196356463262,0.0,0.0935516918918636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033465498321934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3556142292013981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046538535991352,0.0,0.0,0.17429828824547247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608403234085059,0.0,0.0,0.14567472523117672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16688876668406624,0.16537293275853487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100733612703575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128291110847842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515671224640167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411989091565655,0.14373115716555854,0.0,0.18069241702104788,0.0,0.0,0.15765093733761965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465460820230232,0.18736228871924024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090452857000354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762138290172748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867975480731942,0.0,0.0,0.12376628093596705,0.0,0.14387645000374905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935961107669476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598545113379144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175942706885672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065980555082649,0.13204026291665394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,basketc4se,2020/03/31,"Is my BPD acting up or am I just being a shitty person? So here's the deal. With this whole virus everyone's literally isolating themselves at home. What I've done for a shit ton of time and practically cooped up at home before this whole pandemic started. And because of the virus, you're advised not to go out. To meet anyone. To even see anyone for awhile is a no no. Is it new for me? No. But the only person I've ever gone out to see is my partner. And because of the virus I have tried not to. And oh well would it make matters worse that he's my FP? Idk if it sounds dumb, but social distancing for health reasons is triggering feelings of abandonment. Like it's a valid reason for him to stay away from me, and I'm getting paranoid thoughts that he's thinking ""God! I can FINALLY justify not meeting her without her freaking out and getting batshit angry at me!"" and even though yes 1. Technology: we can still text. You can't feel the same energy through text. You can't find that physical comfort of hugs when you feel so fucking shitty. You have to REFRAIN from touching people and you can't risk it. So because of my triggers, I'm splitting on him so much - from ""oh aren't you just enjoying this time away?? I bet you've been dying for this for a long time!!!!"" to ""please talk to me I need someone right now I love you"" to ""fuck off you havrnt been around for me and you aren't even making effort to see me! Who cares about the virus when I'm in a shitty time now????"" Disclaimer: yes I am aware that I have plenty of irrational thoughts and I need to practice some DBT skills. But when it's already hard to go to therapy (my country isnt on lockdown yet pls don't judge me for the ONLY thing I drag myself out of the house for) I'm in my never ending loop of fuckery and shit!!!!! Woo BPD",1.9258407928388763,3.8665426902173974,3.3170460358056277,90.55890025575451,78.6195652173913,6.0685421994884905,24.138746803069054,7.048011613610866,0.8638789002557541,1402,49,297,16,34,458,185,368,0.135,0.748,0.11699999999999999,-0.7204,0,1,0,0,0,0,54.0,1,9,0,2,22,15,5,1,14,2,24,7,2,6,2,53,51,24,1,4,11,0,5,1,1,1,1,1,2,3,17,18,0,2,9,0,1,4,15,8,1,0,6,9,38,7,57,43,6,41,0,1,3,4,27,18,5,4,19,199,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017602780848727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962103201719514,0.0,0.0,0.08887885211711916,0.0,0.0,0.18760611207680492,0.0,0.0,0.18258478617768967,0.0,0.08495656750181957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514902098413767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179363111835013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293075425650823,0.0,0.0,0.10361825616905512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217108119893213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842869029637078,0.0,0.0,0.19783032392866556,0.09031108212241816,0.0,0.09540148958100077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144645607876334,0.0,0.0,0.1093699442198056,0.09125203831829792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18460111854514408,0.10432465805818376,0.0,0.1134828539123823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943711476606449,0.0,0.0,0.10612535253559276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002955120333785,0.0,0.0,0.11520206515044808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048776827429497495,0.0,0.0,0.08835534252680817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010958399612877,0.0,0.13328807772366896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339395776991431,0.14806033114260184,0.07700283641662478,0.09642618615197723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186578283525498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921655101784857,0.17435304035046906,0.0,0.10959444318536292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20530449255792815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526289584109074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23867888876150625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204968846101914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177440396513623,0.08459418872645855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066733330420345,0.10641625740735433,0.07973242904901459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024768670010242,0.0,0.0,0.1141758500885099,0.0,0.06632932294841191,0.06397350168080189,0.09809238668407416,0.15852376679043073,0.23287024977209486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778487101038558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976823595854047,0.0,0.0,0.22293580174072555,0.0,0.09624228903537617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174558665513968,0.07092353912547307,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,timemelt,2020/03/31,"Break-up and Scared I don't deserve love I just went through what I assume was a break up the other night due to my emotionality. I'm a 31 year old woman and I feel like all my relationships follow the same pattern of me being too emotionally draining. Men always get exhausted and stop caring, and I don't blame them for it. It is exhausting for me, too. I end up sobbing incoherently on floors about once a week or every other week. At first partners will be worried for me, and then they become desensitized. The worst is when they begin to judge my emotions as insincere or manipulative just due to the frequency of them, when I'm in the midst of not being able to form a rational thought. The other night I went to his house after a long day and I was incredibly exhausted. We were spending time together and it was nice, and when he went up to the bathroom, I checked my phone. My best friend had been trying to reach me for a little while, and I didn't want to take away from my time with him so I didn't want to respond. He encouraged me to because she's always there for me. He quickly became tired with my being on the phone and not spending time with him. Somehow I started to get angry or frustrated or outraged or something because I felt like he was criticizing me for being on the phone when he suggested that I do it. He immediately said he wouldn't engage with me, and I felt really stricken, like I wasn't allowed to feel what I was feeling. I started packing up to go but I really didn't want to - I was really tired. Somehow trajectory led me out the door. I tried to stay calm, and I went to get gas because I was completely out and wouldn't make it home. The gas pump was shut off. This is when I began to really break down. I called him asking for advice on where to get gas, which was probably not effective communication. I probably should have looked it up. I wanted badly to come back to his house and sleep on his couch and deal with the situation in the morning. I think this wasn't unreasonable, given our history and what I could expect previously from him. He told me to go home. I don't remember the sequence of events from here, but at various times I was crying, I drove back to his house to try to sleep in my car, in his driveway, I went up to his door but was afraid to knock on it, he saw me out there and got even angrier, I just drove around blindly within a mile radius, sobbing and feeling trapped like I had no where to go. Then I fell into the bad pattern I have of calling him repeatedly. He told me to stop and go home, and that if I called again he would block me. There was something in me totally desperate that felt like I couldn't go home. But eventually, of course, I did. We were together for 5 months. I know something shifted for him. I know too many times I have been emotional and he has had to care for me and he's sick of it. He started calling me manipulative and that he wouldn't ""play my game"" and I told him I loved him and it wasn't a game and I was scared and didn't know where to go or what to do. Sobbing. I think I won't hear from him again. We used to talk every day, throughout the day. I don't really know how to get through this. What makes it so hard is that I really don't see a way out. I feel that I am objectively unbearable and shouldn't be in a relationship. This makes me incredibly sad. I love people so deeply and I fuck up so badly. I'm really really trying. I've been practicing DBT and I think I'm making some progress, but it feels really hopeless. I feel like I will never have a relationship, and I'm doomed to this pattern of everyone deciding I'm too much and they don't want to deal with me after a few months. I'm so draining. I don't want to be. I don't know what to do. It just makes me so sad to feel unlovable. I'm really lonely.",3.0466814908936897,4.312330808132149,4.714064167725542,84.62730124947059,73.82846251588309,8.143744176196527,25.44195256247353,8.697196308434329,1.6381701990681914,2994,97,645,57,60,1013,279,787,0.17800000000000002,0.7609999999999999,0.061,-0.9983,2,3,3,0,0,1,78.0,4,0,5,4,37,41,3,3,28,0,68,13,2,12,3,127,151,60,0,16,19,0,12,6,2,9,7,2,8,3,33,48,0,3,24,3,3,18,26,23,0,1,48,18,112,18,103,85,10,106,1,8,4,4,71,38,4,11,52,442,145,0,0.05254005564239487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05134153429799542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743507038115189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04677178866038628,0.04911785963946992,0.0,0.04936311178890075,0.08080011936982638,0.13160625558542824,0.09608379078131506,0.058026363594495874,0.0,0.0,0.055137546932853734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21459708456506196,0.0,0.10713617667714573,0.0,0.0,0.04525860572146092,0.05508724872466123,0.0,0.0,0.0419489592072146,0.0,0.05771278403222189,0.10165196807696604,0.10833298068241533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364019635981497,0.04653489458444487,0.0,0.0,0.03470221123473565,0.0,0.08853452582547286,0.0502042747209283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125266462786532,0.0750692524978528,0.15134007839304442,0.0,0.0,0.044690544489321214,0.0,0.0,0.040592316658071136,0.048572434822216584,0.1372500528116236,0.0,0.17915834644578255,0.0,0.042021082122648115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04706556993693845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059216461203912815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21080783865444652,0.0,0.0,0.18187251014526687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437320269950338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401050371692418,0.05265893852154957,0.0,0.04649629590438797,0.04412041418846625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225835455396751,0.0,0.17535447560758427,0.05326736993357313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387394230478026,0.0,0.03862298623344343,0.0,0.04052212990310397,0.0,0.0,0.09861056611881877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05513195020803238,0.05595344453723222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03642465917248384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132941326240918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.336585050095322,0.0,0.0,0.16922507157901862,0.05951764097109556,0.0,0.049977624467597015,0.0,0.1052035227697017,0.0,0.04186762196305338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05905722388408932,0.10515599888446228,0.0,0.0,0.12134370512517367,0.0,0.0,0.1115643654176082,0.05600070863794783,0.0,0.08785167821000067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039503583152479115,0.0422297065434213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009966385435464,0.0,0.04171093539889605,0.15318264480507815,0.12077413001303837,0.0,0.1506128241627849,0.0,0.1426849958454239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04537773888280335,0.0,0.0,0.18593691650272284,0.04170385063064346,0.08428892693805475,0.0,0.0,0.24352578978396502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05335697685984397,0.0,0.037322948080517865,0.0,0.0,0.033834073240313366 bpd,PaulyBragentino,2020/03/31,"Female buddy I don't have a lot of female friends, especially ones I can be honest with. Any women out there with BPD that want to chat? Not even specificly about BPD but about whatever.",1.533333333333335,4.262572333333338,2.6235555555555585,89.07700000000004,89.55555555555556,5.102222222222223,18.31111111111111,6.742157984588678,0.30161777777777804,148,4,28,2,5,47,31,36,0.0,0.8440000000000001,0.156,0.5187,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,7,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,21,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22215206287835956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8228783457154297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21576756379429268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523904086351578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777297292176652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213652885408219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926829927437857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lotuswaves,2020/03/31,"Question about abilify side effects I was taking abilify for 3 weeks, after 2 and a half weeks i felt constantly on the verge of a panic attack for 3 days and it stopped once i stopped taking the abilify. It was working amazingly and then suddenly was making me feel worse? Could i have done something wrong or has this happened to anyone else before?",6.944545454545455,7.529027242424245,7.1146969696969675,73.44204545454545,64.45454545454545,10.236363636363636,36.196969696969695,10.125756701596842,3.8689515151515153,282,13,47,6,4,91,49,66,0.247,0.753,0.0,-0.9409,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,1,1,4,0,7,0,0,2,0,12,13,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,5,2,5,1,7,7,0,12,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,9,32,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074384819725372,0.20624128928453245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22899187848918065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17127955676997494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175186529927674,0.0,0.16071048862895496,0.0,0.0,0.12981281513284446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059854584177664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814862079875986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177624730031808,0.0,0.1932661215545924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779965410775374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435996501826086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21436301596024288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361657462474453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254863814420044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495979329216644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365682104831511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026840365535266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32291896843760864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653860204024088,0.0,0.20512762577443072,0.0,0.220074637691734,0.0,0.0 bpd,AlaynaPop,2020/04/01,"How is everyone actually doing, and HOW are you coping? Let's share some techniques, ideas, and love. Hey guys. I personally feel manic as hell, but also.. can't tell if that's real or not. My job that I just started means the world to me. That being on halt and finance's coming in on halt.. has been so hard. No therapy? HARD. Like I said. I don't know If I'm okay or not, idk what's real atm. But how are YOU. Can we please have a post of just talking and genuinely helping each other? I feel like we need to stick together and really support each other right now. BPD is fucking rough, let's make a thread of how to ease it a little bit in this qaurantine! I know I need it!",0.2553873239436619,2.397266704225352,2.6627992957746507,91.77898767605636,86.1830985915493,5.803521126760564,18.734154929577464,7.1686216300943375,0.30650563380281737,520,14,116,8,16,178,94,142,0.07400000000000001,0.735,0.191,0.9485,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,2,2,0,0,9,8,2,0,4,1,14,2,0,5,0,38,29,18,0,4,10,0,5,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,9,10,0,2,6,0,2,1,5,2,0,0,2,6,13,6,10,24,4,11,1,0,0,2,13,7,2,5,4,76,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.15071227832659348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350652721072547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860972954987005,0.0,0.1945132146387996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133037370566242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475751317034156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618016587929676,0.11033278426816344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277834917224835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292101395023874,0.0,0.0,0.2766978597240685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035186434709833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434525314987326,0.0,0.0,0.1532590049491269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975362772398733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31585306728393925,0.0,0.15090428385546725,0.15479059962278946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938916241635904,0.0,0.1030906630019896,0.0,0.0,0.1682316819958122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290323030005628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485205003410966,0.0,0.16952999851548833,0.0,0.0,0.1479119246586799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35157566711536464,0.09893895165965147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189189328621784,0.14690889479088365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931423676191616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175257980216495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413394157338713,0.134988367291075,0.0,0.17661690806048874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Teatoly,2020/04/01,Lying to your FP. Does anyone have any experience with lying to your FP to keep your perfect image untarnished? I just got caught in a lie with my FP. They told me they feel so hurt and are done with me. I am in agony and just want the earth to swallow me. I am so sorry I hurt them. And I apologized but there are no excuses for lying to them. They have been so forgiving and try to help me out so much. I hate myself so much right now. How do I make this better?,0.456969696969697,2.3542884848484853,2.574030303030302,94.24104545454549,83.34343434343434,5.980202020202023,16.97070707070707,7.1686216300943375,-0.09992202020202036,356,7,84,5,10,120,60,99,0.21600000000000005,0.618,0.166,-0.7261,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,5,2,10,6,1,0,2,0,9,1,0,2,1,18,17,11,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,5,1,21,3,13,12,2,6,0,2,0,0,13,4,0,0,1,64,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806897840310485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252931120396852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055766419629912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034121366312096,0.2378695417490121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22737352201007446,0.0,0.0,0.11752999212770017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18590562783725006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22948900226203114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580141413881884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4976693462834313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066057147407119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15515727932351184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417441980061641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19850476009375914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602005255414572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221089210617357,0.0,0.15781330700966328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13710070221288048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thrownaway3564,2020/04/01,"need advice 19F, throwaway for personal reasons, will also post on bpdsraisedbybpds but its not very active so posting here too :/ hope thats ok! TW // emotional abuse tl;dr: emotionally abused by mother and partner, did not realise until recently. should i have a conversation with them about it? insert stronger boundaries? cut them off completely? backstory: ive known i had bpd for awhile, after a recent psych assessment they confirmed this. need advice on what to do about my family please. i basically dont remember anything about living with my mum prior to being 14/15, having spoken to my therapist it seems likely this was due to trauma from emotional neglect. around the time i was 14 my mums partner moved in. prior to then, after my mum came off some medication which made her mostly emotionally unavailable until i was 11, my mum (who also has bpd) and i would argue quite heavily (almost had myself put up for adoption because i was unhappy etc.) when my mums partner moved in everything got a whole lot worse, any negative emotion i had i was punished for because i was upsetting everyone else. between 14-16 i was deeply depressed and suicidal, still treated like shit and they called me lazy and horrible and punished me like i was an adult rather than thinking, ""why is this child misbehaving? what is causing this behaviour?"" that said i could tell them i was depressed and theyd have forgotten the next day. as i got older i was treated a bit better, although things were still difficult until i moved out completely last year (march 2019). it was only recently i began thinking about it and realised the way they treated me was not ok at all. to make matters worse, since i moved out my mum has begun emotionally and financially relying on me. even though our relationship is better in the sense we dont argue (i seldom speak to her partner but i am nice to them despite hating them for the way they treated me lol), now that i am remembering everything that has happened, despite feeling like it happened a million years ago, i am angry and upset. to this day i struggle with my emotions because i dont want to upset other people. i see all the damage their ""upbringing"" of me did and it hurts. im scared to bring it up because i feel like i will be dismissed and/or my mum will get upset and suicidal (she often asks if she was a bad mum). dont know what to do. part of me just wants to cut them off without having the convo. dont know how to move on. worried about my brothers wellbeing too as he lives with them still... also feel angry at myself for still accommodating my mums emotions when she never did the same to me when i was younger. p.s. sorry if this is worded badly im a bit manic i think, if any other info is needed feel free to ask, thank u (hope everyone is well <3)",4.365144354700122,6.4358474215501005,5.293192558858912,78.52682784842759,71.94896030245745,7.909279945007732,28.846923870080772,8.643655677312706,2.4371470699432893,2222,89,385,41,44,726,269,529,0.252,0.657,0.092,-0.9988,0,0,0,1,2,0,75.0,2,0,13,3,28,42,8,6,16,3,54,2,1,5,3,73,87,33,2,14,11,11,4,5,4,5,1,2,0,7,26,21,0,1,15,0,1,8,11,23,1,1,27,7,73,20,62,51,11,62,0,5,1,0,50,17,1,11,38,285,99,1,0.0,0.1304853279891455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761717301343247,0.048811533194156966,0.0,0.055139341906488684,0.0,0.0,0.13210565953764775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489176705278537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045313555409033326,0.04901925644837045,0.10295612063694616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195344711737627,0.1342677175206398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740050284960776,0.12023277921522765,0.0,0.13870412136088384,0.0,0.0562272142174717,0.06297934618116811,0.0,0.05656661407808643,0.0,0.0,0.11546857837217618,0.0,0.0,0.0439646814461532,0.0,0.0,0.07102435085143073,0.0,0.09485428901531648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226770852705637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04599949021432801,0.4955229983894455,0.0,0.0,0.061411695010962275,0.03636971432058506,0.0,0.0,0.10523335916096656,0.098977201625238,0.0,0.05191009752544092,0.0,0.1113694651672466,0.0786764638466005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028769032483137023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808053999237885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738706283270096,0.0,0.0,0.05436499012081481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938334128948586,0.0,0.0,0.05894789908764068,0.0,0.11895864800426505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06052423693937966,0.0448850790214174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450915237708785,0.0,0.09724627598748724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046814037904278884,0.0,0.05210354954325469,0.03675611412508552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05547189107925386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926253028733071,0.0,0.12248932961936695,0.04246929045150675,0.0,0.058561932015276465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04187918485223115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962970293342677,0.0,0.038174928950979486,0.04808037116765672,0.0,0.060444503814478384,0.0,0.0,0.10547352058664253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05535523140395074,0.0,0.058568085367654926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05661568152026807,0.16310924143760966,0.05911887927042594,0.1247551393489974,0.0,0.052379138378610364,0.0,0.05512936975069917,0.0,0.04387943580247485,0.05012883382711781,0.0,0.0,0.056523122158218336,0.0455500879838859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061640422247077574,0.0,0.0,0.17589895880540238,0.0,0.0,0.05756557915726195,0.0,0.12046368655037805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048128973946107566,0.05069617660590511,0.0,0.06393435957757994,0.0365825392003316,0.10584970699191107,0.05410078712721346,0.0,0.03210866876895596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04543414346511766,0.06495717222082494,0.08741558993143557,0.0,0.0,0.04950977734918294,0.0,0.0496873260249407,0.06147776988980036,0.0,0.053080404787255404,0.0,0.0,0.05592087467498743,0.1122312650520278,0.039116382241709435,0.0,0.0,0.0709197214971839 bpd,hitori_arukishiteru,2020/04/01,"Cut everyone off and ran away. Well, here I am again. Back to square one. I left the few people I had left. It was only a matter of when, but I tried. I just couldn't bear it anymore. The stress of maintaining the facade, the fear of disappointing them, the anger in them disappointing me, the pain of feeling attacked or judged or misunderstood, and worst of all, just being triggered constantly. It doesn't help that I'm cycling through a myriad of intense emotions almost every hour, and they're usually negative in nature. And cycling through memories, of the thing they said that hurt me, and them not even realizing how much pain they caused, and so they simply brush it aside, effortlessly, exacerbating my anguish, to the extent that I become suicidal, and me feeling like I deserved it anyway for being so quiet and weird and nonsensical. And the feeling of being abandoned, it hurts. I understand they all have lives, and people who are more important to them, more of a priority, than me, but I can't take it when they leave. I have no one else. I need the attention. I need to feel loved. I crave it. I need to feel like I'm cared for and protected and understood. I need them to reach out to me as often as possible and be interested in what I say. Otherwise, I feel like they don't care, that they aren't listening, and so I figure: it's time for me to go. They'd be better off, anyway. What a tiresome way to live; this isn't how relationships work.",4.458328267477207,5.932302624113476,5.506008105369808,79.50500000000002,70.63120567375888,9.05937183383992,27.96757852077001,9.48565724429506,2.4657535967578523,1148,41,222,26,21,379,149,282,0.255,0.618,0.126,-0.9948,0,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,13,2,17,24,3,3,14,0,18,3,0,4,2,49,40,28,1,5,7,0,6,3,0,0,2,4,0,0,18,16,0,2,11,0,0,2,9,15,1,2,5,12,38,9,33,28,8,20,0,5,1,1,20,9,0,4,11,168,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111067018891717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004276000343396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623331219292766,0.1042508149586718,0.08532158921711631,0.0,0.0,0.12254688723198726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813533109182716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262627562442293,0.11398675035318832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199086195204012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269305743130507,0.12481535538283672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328820390335708,0.0,0.09348880302315576,0.10602728159537632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486113901325235,0.3366290424983613,0.23781009141118836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306127168904996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437432198080349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927350286646148,0.0,0.237570502200196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174908918022469,0.2411172899168755,0.0,0.0,0.16262873168679587,0.0,0.1959598813614892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014596500286158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156855686475156,0.32910250127347423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037908495989016,0.0843902762529955,0.23613907553694904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385174336505744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509101878508205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912979135105915,0.0,0.0,0.1055486149804874,0.08824005076275862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710460061822873,0.0,0.0,0.12137251264931273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342830482497247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371706493440851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470181874573336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533473154444034,0.0,0.0,0.11551354177877893,0.0,0.0,0.12220704781560587,0.0,0.0,0.0880750880080633,0.0,0.0,0.09976659771349997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078038933828346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,feggatron,2020/04/01,"DAE hate how they’ve changed other people’s perceptions of them over time? My BPD symptoms have caused me to alienate people I’ve cared so much about and I always notice the way their behavior towards me changes (especially in romantic relationships). My current relationship is falling apart and I notice how different she acts towards me now, my behavior pushed my SO away so much that we can’t really connect much anymore.",9.636842105263156,9.565499000000004,9.054210526315792,63.98947368421055,59.0,12.336842105263159,42.6842105263158,11.698219412168324,5.384694736842107,348,18,53,9,4,111,58,76,0.069,0.8590000000000001,0.07200000000000001,0.0516,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,2,0,8,2,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,3,0,7,5,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,13,1,8,5,3,13,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,3,38,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474970363767404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579728800797087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665444463750582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22325657358984166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18073146713015392,0.1820979551976596,0.3750415507245086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852021317744352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17501053751733125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909261567894101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4036302558795014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457837229639771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355923237977646,0.0,0.0,0.3806282983054604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18424415494047047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033634949207769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407031376929997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hchinnis,2020/04/01,"COVID-19 Education/Resources for healthcare workers Hi everyone, I am a registered nurse in an ambulatory surgery center that is currently shut down. I have been looking to bring myself up to speed on the Coronavirus, management plans, safety for medical personnel etc., and I’ve come across some free courses aimed at medical professionals- COVID-19: Tackling the Novel Coronavirus https://www.futurelearn.com/courses/covid19-novel-coronavirus Managing COVID-19 in General Practice https://www.futurelearn.com/courses/management-of-covid-19-in-general-practice I am wondering if anyone has done these or similar courses? Has your workplace provided you with recommendations on relevant courses to do? Are you aware of any central resource that lists courses for medical personnel? What is everyone doing training wise? Thank you for your time!",14.650701754385965,18.999259157894734,11.500877192982461,35.167807017543915,49.526315789473685,13.487719298245615,49.50877192982456,12.45797560212912,8.087077192982461,720,42,70,24,9,214,86,114,0.0,0.871,0.129,0.9355,1,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,5,0,2,0,3,0,0,4,0,12,3,0,0,0,8,17,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,9,4,17,15,2,15,0,0,1,0,6,10,0,4,3,51,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267545502990912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698359535469855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193396696829817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22975311722248115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503895648061879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42906053966926333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18853303655279574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6785148658002979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20669993875636106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091440641932778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434730429921489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,iloveGod77,2020/04/01,"Am I actually ill or am I picking the wrong men? Sometimes I don’t know if I actually have full fledged BPD. I have made a lot of progress in my life but suffer from instability in my romance relationships only. I date me that remind me of the abuse my mom gave to me growing up. Men who are unavailable and mistreat me. I get triggered by real red flags and break up and then feel awful and try to make up. Am I just dealing with jerks ?! This is the mind fuck of recovering from BPD. You see the red flags and run but still get stuck in the trauma bond and repetition compulsion.",3.3866666666666703,4.789338606837607,4.910769230769231,83.0092307692308,73.1880341880342,7.935042735042735,27.52991452991453,8.515128840125781,1.8231299145299151,455,17,96,8,9,153,78,117,0.23800000000000002,0.698,0.064,-0.9774,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,2,6,2,0,6,1,8,3,0,4,0,21,18,11,0,1,5,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,3,4,16,1,15,15,2,14,0,1,3,1,8,7,1,3,4,63,19,0,0.0,0.2279677067718151,0.3755178052914961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4846531170013313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19836044877126371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728542652968887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778747323032306,0.20104667589202574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574040554453844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590089095115174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357530812437468,0.0,0.1820576594639896,0.12843140567705655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942735572983726,0.22534166336355724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633218737098552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21899828662758603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20657027946191625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332136583453093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19029283378139009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365437202929522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062993204163892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103639657004741,0.0,0.0 bpd,Esther_Echo,2020/04/01,"Trying to understand - also just a story about caring about someone. I was very close to my housemate who has now moved out and is no longer talking to me. After he moved out, I accidentally read something about BPD and it describes him very accurately. As far as I know, he has never had any help to deal with this nor a diagnosis. Any time I asked him if he felt he needed support (relating to some serious things he told me) he emphasised that he felt completely fine. I can see now that once we started living together, I became his FP. I also really loved spending time with him, and I am really grateful for the beauty, enthusiasm, and joy he brought into my life. However later on we started to have trouble relating to each other. Any time I was less-than-perfect or showed any vulnerability, I would see his estimation of me drop and drop. Before he moved out he was not speaking to me at all and not responding to any messages I wrote. I felt nervous around him and it was really hard to talk to him. I am relieved to read these things about BPD because I always had a feeling that his behaviour was not coming from a place of malice. The thing that was confusing was that he never, ever (in all the many hours of intimate conversation we had) admitted that anything was wrong or that he wanted or needed any help, so I couldn’t get any understanding of where his behaviour was coming from. Anyway, I dont now what I’m looking for here exactly - I’m just trying to understand and process, and wanted to share my story.",5.627454350161116,6.406481666666667,6.739974937343359,74.30063909774438,67.36734693877551,9.862943071965633,31.119942713927678,9.93914555978268,3.071621768707483,1206,46,220,27,19,406,154,294,0.092,0.7979999999999999,0.111,0.8648,2,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,3,0,0,0,17,12,0,2,7,0,22,2,0,0,6,56,52,19,0,7,9,0,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,17,23,0,0,9,3,1,6,9,5,0,0,18,9,35,7,39,32,4,34,0,0,3,1,40,12,0,6,14,156,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580369325317766,0.07585369994207716,0.0,0.0,0.433950789171638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501817586232996,0.08115309354320549,0.08522372934905456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05557122562263689,0.0,0.07757175194499223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296295242153173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294526055944502,0.0,0.0,0.15705518086630468,0.09558113505666686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939835397248812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684064011779376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246082752971394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04609401120809319,0.0,0.262588108995474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04762813949882238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166282943529192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222073106539229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897757489102943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05009999557159635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439008815755738,0.0,0.0,0.08049730558696876,0.0,0.07655272980471046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227684454723802,0.0,0.0,0.09242348815026248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906708542451884,0.0,0.13519024624013126,0.14061879148879922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970840596147743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524440136118142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823724092692278,0.0,0.17520124099144027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528788138807838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724087279934133,0.07018060341462992,0.0,0.0,0.12904920739812967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344902963735114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465443774367761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18169101946085414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594710725304059,0.0,0.0,0.08710875336155324,0.0,0.12378539656815365,0.0,0.0,0.2847071188468325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504356272137083,0.1075388705475551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475853893207628,0.09967082777621857,0.0,0.0 bpd,SafetyEnthusiast,2020/04/01,"NSFW: I need some help or advice or something My main question is about my love life but first let me give you some background: I am a 21F who just got diagnosed with BPD. I am on Bupropion and Lamotrigine. And, I am not doing well. I am in a relationship with a 23M who is an alcohol (in recovery rn as far as I know), has a porn addiction, and is terrible at communication. We have been together since Feb of 2018. Since then he has joined the millitary, relapsed, lied, and kissed another guy while drunk. I knew he had relapsed in the summer of 2019. He told me. But I trusted him to get his stuff together because he always seemed so committed. I was with him over the summer for about a month close to after he first started drinking again. He had spent the night with me and he proceeded to have sex with me without really asking. I guess I should insert a trigger warning here: We were just kinda in bed and my back side was turned to him so he started kissing me and I just kinda went with it. Then he pulled out his dick and just fucked me. Didnt kiss my mouth, didnt look at me. He just came. And I started to tear up because I didnt really know what to say or do. So, once he was finished. I quietly got up and went to the bathroom to cry and clean myself up. I came back and he was really quiet. I was also really quiet. He asked me if I was good and I said yeah. But I kept quiet. He started to have a panic attack because he was convinced that he raped me. Then I had to snap out of whatever trance I was in to tell him he didnt. It was the worst i had ever seen him. He was shaking and crying. He didnt want to sleep in the bed we were in but he didnt have a car so he asked me to drive him back to the base where he was staying. I complied but I was sti trying to convince him there was nothing wrong. Half way there we parked and we finally got somewhere talking. We kinda made up and went back to where we were before to sleep. The next day he we were supposed to go to a party. I had a report to write so I let him take my car so he could go early and just come pick me up when I was done. At about 10pm I finished and I called him and told him I didnt want t ok go because I was tired. He said he was cool. I went to sleep. At 3am he calls me drunk and crying. I got an uber and went to pick him up. I bought him McDonalds and told him it was gonna be okay while he sobbed and sang Christmas songs. It was weird. I felt weird about it. But I just went with it because I didnt know what else to do. After that we made up and I thought everything was going to be okay. But. It was not. He relapsed several more times and I left in the fall to go back to my college which is in another state. I visited him frequently and I could never tell if he was drinking or not. Finally in december, he relapsed big time. He texted me and told me that he kissed some guy and that he got drunk. I called him immediately while I was on my way to work in the morning. He was still drinking. We fought, he said some awful things (like I was a broke bitch, who would never leave). I told him we were done, he said yeah right and I hung up. I got to work but I was so messed up I asked my boss if I could go home and she was cool with it. So I left, he shut off my phone because his name was on the bill and I drove back to campus without being able to talk to anyone. His mom called me later on facebook messenger and told me they had kicked him out. The situation was just a lot. This all happened about Dec. 3rd. Right before my finals, subsequently I did really poorly on them but i still passed so okay. I ended up talking to him again on Dec. 12 after his mom threatened him enough that he turned back on my phone. I told him to tell me everything that happened but he is not really good at explaining things so I still don't really know. I gave him some stipulations of things he would have to do to keep me around. Then I told him I didnt want to talk to him again until Jan 12. His mom had got me a plan ticket (she had also bought my boyfriend one but of course he was not going to come now) to visit my sister a few states away so I went there for a week and spent my 21st b-day with her and christmas eve. I came back on christmas. I landed in his hometown and his mom picked me up from the airport. She asked if I wanted to come over for christmas and that she had taken him back. I said yes. I guess it was the BPD. But if felt really attached. I had painted him a little picture of us as charlie brown characters with me kissing his cheek. When we got to the house I gave it to him and we made up and immediately had sex. I dont remember it being weird. I was really happy because I felt so alone. And now here we are. March almost April 2020 and I dont feel right about anything. I feel like I dont know what I am doing wrong or what he is doing wrong. I dont know if i can trust him and i feel like he only wants me for sex most of the time because he normally doesnt reach out to talk unless it is to ask me for nudes. There are alot of other things i could talk about with this but that would be waaaaay too much and this is already so long. Point being, I dont know what to do. Should I keep trying to salvage this relationship because I dont know if it is BPD making me worry for no reason or if there is actually a problem? I think I love him. He can be really nice sometimes. I just dont understand him a lot. And, I am scared to leave. I dont have much contact with my family other than my older sister. I feel really alone. I dont have much friends. I dont really like most people. I know this is super messy, has a bunch of holes, and is probably an over share but if you take the time to read it, I would really appreciate you weighing in. Thanks.",0.6355845486480725,2.5121575592532466,2.648198318075369,94.0625989993613,82.57954545454545,5.857526080476903,19.1892697466468,6.9995283661766585,0.10903843410687708,4451,112,1041,56,122,1493,393,1232,0.113,0.7879999999999999,0.1,-0.9259999999999999,0,2,5,0,0,0,121.0,15,3,2,6,63,50,5,3,41,10,130,32,7,10,5,206,242,102,0,27,46,6,7,4,1,7,5,12,4,2,43,82,8,3,25,10,6,30,31,20,1,4,110,24,197,30,142,112,20,163,0,2,3,15,173,63,4,33,69,719,240,7,0.03305827613953325,0.0,0.032260108798520995,0.03603840057691904,0.0,0.032304164841441836,0.0,0.035329243529405883,0.033103088295647835,0.06847680845223075,0.03648062976608643,0.052873382970317066,0.027507133991378205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932896987299195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02311511531996721,0.0,0.02720414451516045,0.029428874525730543,0.18543015390728484,0.037608561556416314,0.03105933864499705,0.22877796407125145,0.0,0.18136816468950365,0.0,0.05626031627530979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490722461377254,0.0,0.1350247843012604,0.11342958323512616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543033314317879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055773740840222,0.0,0.10893889212665507,0.042639706534098216,0.0,0.0,0.03355345441038028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766018815813347,0.38744053430339415,0.09715357559871983,0.0,0.0,0.027615947769236933,0.0,0.0292798204434206,0.034158036286375336,0.0,0.0,0.029903103390234657,0.0,0.0,0.0594212939685235,0.0,0.03116440063311936,0.0,0.06686103082482744,0.04723367815887691,0.09522338797180277,0.1086411769052604,0.0,0.05623870559291758,0.0,0.0,0.025540742140803808,0.030561843597033636,0.017271584852875724,0.031712510775801374,0.1315144611085854,0.055455427173104914,0.2115177868782608,0.0,0.07283483638140545,0.06546578158581744,0.05846664882711144,0.03519114966668015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022158265657775282,0.0,0.033160146375033464,0.0,0.0,0.03814481217590529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058767429537709075,0.0,0.0,0.16351167615909654,0.0,0.0,0.07000788238701719,0.07183582750562682,0.06760865423881329,0.02335003808672598,0.06460241553499581,0.03313307741256783,0.0,0.029255534100204157,0.027760626017609126,0.0,0.0,0.05620992839737843,0.05967276979440371,0.09384162059671147,0.022066656024859643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15486981388389945,0.02638680062022409,0.0,0.0729049100896821,0.024512292877567926,0.05099316107377415,0.0,0.035157851712359564,0.03102295272791056,0.03239009168012125,0.03172030754252007,0.0,0.0,0.035205985183185226,0.02240114346705879,0.02514230866709029,0.0,0.03878676424624242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022918446250002236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0312507563310104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035642412969334764,0.031632305647820394,0.0,0.0,0.03703283501818978,0.0,0.03306722217854771,0.0,0.2753137166068175,0.033989413719556286,0.0,0.07098443371876212,0.037448582540298016,0.08469476158742799,0.15722995438879656,0.026289268048204115,0.033097101478573414,0.0,0.0,0.03009501301541036,0.0,0.03734644237347662,0.0,0.05469229527484302,0.037158887468309365,0.09924645129361012,0.0,0.0,0.025449876053457242,0.032695480399930504,0.0,0.09359527200630056,0.035235723821141346,0.07920114608444223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03784381705649415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049711419007402544,0.1594259408142768,0.08668317134536456,0.03043561914980973,0.0,0.0,0.08784979895344508,0.021182408515527013,0.0,0.026244578609511463,0.07710618665830539,0.037995625353518615,0.0,0.25270879626099857,0.0,0.044888798993011236,0.07191582303369869,0.0,0.0344148313239797,0.039765035837675405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749313888748687,0.0524802417269316,0.0265173550746562,0.0,0.02972336038880077,0.21451747224630452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373399702234997,0.0,0.04813363750349756,0.03357228410660675,0.0,0.09393460352498263,0.10843210615034957,0.0,0.0 bpd,deaduglyflower,2020/04/01,"Stalked FP's gf on reddit Hey everyone I'm feeling pretty stupid right now. I just found and stalked my FP's gf for like an hour. I knew it would upset me to see how great she is and all the sweet things she posts about the two of them but I did it anyway. Not to mention that it's not really a great thing to stalk someone's social media account. I now feel unloved because apparently if he loves his girlfriend, let alone another person, he can't possibly care about me. All I want right now is for him to comfort me? But it's not like this is a real problem/I don't want to sound creepy. Why did I do this and how can I make myself feel better? I need to work on not relying on him so much of the time.",1.9770833333333329,3.1778179802631605,3.556578947368422,92.1243859649123,76.4342105263158,6.64561403508772,23.19298245614036,7.1686216300943375,0.6182614035087717,551,16,128,6,12,183,94,152,0.084,0.708,0.207,0.9594,1,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,10,12,1,1,6,0,11,1,0,3,2,26,24,9,0,5,8,0,3,2,3,1,0,1,0,1,9,3,0,0,5,0,1,0,6,3,0,1,4,6,19,9,15,18,3,11,0,0,1,1,16,5,0,1,7,82,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698531076632894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17196684907178428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999720346526424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504344939905528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720751981512275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567077064080859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487678848618557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17981601854114307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616181080898614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16150560259320396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769969697705972,0.0,0.16024288060721878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801515464211668,0.0,0.1094703502186121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055785330867305,0.12160289637657587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431972665133299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848837992552648,0.15706534153905047,0.1668455519051568,0.0,0.15692452783004332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186666329843656,0.1050617133797592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801078454361949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068566465827006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717593704745173,0.1389554958627829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217906787671728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562891232814301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020281873302344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934612665535101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798324335554233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119392946282107,0.0,0.0,0.11649991206123095,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Crazybomber183,2020/04/01,"Can you have BPD and mild autism at the same time? I was only 2 or 3 when I started showing signs of autism, but I didn’t get diagnosed with it until much older(most likely sometime during my late tween through early teen years) I am now 15 turning 16 this year and I noticed that I started to somewhat fear abandonment, I still have no clear sense of my identity, my mood swings have become unusually stronger, I’ve been having very negative thoughts here and there, I get strong urges to do risky things, and the strangest thing is that on some days I really hate the ones I love for no reason, but on other days I am super close and I value my loved ones. I am NOT asking for a diagnosis, but I’m wondering if these are actually symptoms of BPD, or if it’s just puberty doing it’s thing, or if it’s because of the recent quarantine driving me insane. But whatever it is, I really hope I can get things figured out.",8.667336065573771,6.200254661202187,8.806659836065574,72.66605532786888,62.49726775956285,12.210109289617488,37.62909836065574,10.686352973137794,3.7883885245901614,725,27,143,14,8,240,120,183,0.145,0.684,0.17,0.8024,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,2,6,10,1,1,5,0,17,4,0,1,1,31,31,17,0,4,12,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,14,8,0,1,4,1,0,1,5,3,0,2,4,0,21,6,15,27,4,20,0,1,0,2,4,5,0,10,15,103,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.14046310782820695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456296683906452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877435081494473,0.15896864597664934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625707333892763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18565671101942244,0.0,0.0,0.14609443862353455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619707089455792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256056079077513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210936304855434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429633016048316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236877638332636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032102802200384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25982003812781235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581128033478336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387481400792986,0.0,0.0,0.19507275997983425,0.10947163369509387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442124012303754,0.1479926405123114,0.14212179784894852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235875079010935,0.0,0.2037606702776229,0.0,0.11494938627409515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960710295182394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825050888746471,0.0,0.0,0.11427100566079522,0.08393163425493425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15656363821376487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876424835424472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560950467887998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853832112752828 bpd,human_speaking,2020/04/01,"Zyprexa + antipsychotics anyone? So, umm... Hi. Has anyone here have taken Zyprexa? Or other antipsychotics in general? My doctor just prescribed it to me, to see if it helps w psychotic symptoms. I'm curious. I want this nonsense to end, being in a mixed reality seemed fun at first but not anymore... I just thought maybe I can see others' experience especially on the long term + dosages. Hope y'all doing well!",2.326290909090911,5.26068458666667,3.746424242424247,80.34654545454549,89.8,6.993939393939394,28.15151515151515,8.00094639256281,2.6979333333333333,324,16,55,8,11,106,62,75,0.025,0.787,0.188,0.8815,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,0,11,13,4,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,2,6,3,7,10,1,8,0,0,2,0,3,4,0,4,4,35,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24858966088635545,0.35053783679947154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256563500233976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220124100191632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451958417853136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132132365560229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801366559039052,0.0,0.0,0.2489642367138269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218282603383803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25182398609412776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3994908223944186,0.22819355678838235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26053412152107835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19899787836111216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784712745468825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253755239564191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,h0pe3,2020/04/01,"What is BPD like for you? From, someone without BPD Hi all! I do not personally have BPD and I have only met one person who I was aware that they were diagnosed BPD. However, this one person I know is not a good person at all and has done things like abuse their infant children and sell themselves for crack - and blames it on their BPD. I struggle with other mental illness and I know that this individual likely acts this way due to not treating/having their disorder under control. (And possibly not all of their actions are caused by BPD) I do not want this person to be my only knowledge of BPD and accompanying behaviours/experiences which is why I am asking all of you, what it is like for you? I would like to be more educated on this disorder which seems to be incredibly complex and I figured talking to you guys would be the best way. &#x200B; Thanks for listening!!",5.847016875340228,6.82599790419162,6.441088731627655,75.92365813826893,66.96407185628742,9.186499727817091,31.349482852476875,9.339509955726095,2.7798670658682627,698,27,127,13,11,228,94,167,0.087,0.785,0.128,0.8087,1,0,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,4,5,2,0,9,0,1,2,0,20,2,0,2,4,30,28,8,0,3,6,0,0,5,0,2,2,1,0,8,16,9,0,1,6,0,1,2,6,1,0,2,4,1,20,8,20,18,6,9,0,0,0,0,23,4,0,1,6,99,36,0,0.0,0.09964179071922148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111961063575627,0.10218767250059264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786198140730649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825514222575016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7414250377313729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639130250923724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432250188581726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535719649692385,0.0,0.0,0.1927660512964076,0.0,0.0,0.08606094479866676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226349612694255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053699652115666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326975092192879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243557790736308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054289630492797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475050426219162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139732905761251,0.12791988300430934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671534842590631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480730007273536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655920931763009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125554237897051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791697088726819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759438829732578,0.0,0.07742568298637373,0.0,0.0,0.05587064493994882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04960288685236918,0.1335053687916538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588491698601875,0.0,0.0,0.08106699299622767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948090817829606,0.0,0.10218767250059264,0.0 bpd,NocturnalNympho,2020/04/01,"I fucking hate april's fools being lied to or deceived is one of my big triggers. April fools, especially this year where things are already crazy and much more is believable, is just a minefield of triggers where I fall for misinformation and make an (april's) fool of myself and it's just absolutely fucking miserable. I'm paranoid everything I encounter or have said to me is really just some shitty ""gotcha"" joke and it's really hard for me to deal with when everything is already so high tension",8.381290322580648,8.214284763440865,8.031741935483872,70.60761290322583,61.58064516129032,11.310967741935485,37.95483870967742,10.793553405168565,4.1565329032258065,405,18,70,9,5,129,61,93,0.34600000000000003,0.634,0.02,-0.9872,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,7,9,3,2,2,0,8,2,0,3,0,14,14,8,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,8,0,1,1,2,7,1,9,12,3,10,0,1,0,2,2,4,2,3,5,47,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4749470120278968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24245155565658094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218570371083045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868075496796601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3978894112175904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19277283483288807,0.21246093314108425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273657847716833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436446192356783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15819340031170182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582199134043594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757194031908308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047001313219174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429662802825918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385788001976342 bpd,01000111_01101111,2020/04/01,"Who else feels stuck? Because I do I feel STUCK in a life that shouldn’t be mine Because I’m an awful person and I don’t deserve it? Anyone else feel that way? Is there anyway no not feel that way? To feel or to have a sense of belonging? Because that would be great",-0.6801315789473676,1.5028936842105267,1.0589254385964928,100.16101973684212,94.61403508771929,3.5517543859649123,15.896929824561406,5.148860815047168,-0.960191228070176,208,5,48,1,8,67,38,57,0.185,0.746,0.069,-0.6997,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,8,1,0,0,0,10,16,2,0,2,2,0,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,5,4,1,4,10,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806864315145827,0.2316284596206568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4134180788414764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776935855867506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5715217226852285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24923547210017755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967512109772525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19738966342933176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588768858475411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058880865000652,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,QueenOfSiamese,2020/04/01,"How do I stop thinking people hate me when they are neutral with me? This is a big thing I have been struggling with recently, I find that my need for reassurance constantly is so bad that if I'm not getting it for any period of time my mind jumps to ""omg they hate me, they want me to die they're going to tell everyone how much they want me dead"" and I start spiralling like of course they hate me, i suck I hate me as well. I'm not blowing up at people when this happens I just get really quiet and I can't talk to them anymore but it's unreasonable for me to expect people to add on ""btw I love you ur great I don't hate you"" to the end of every thing they say to me ever lol. It is getting to the point where I am struggling to email my lecturers because their emails are so formal and I think they are constantly angry with me, if any of you guys have any tips for this or if you relate I would really appreciate it x",1.626148103911614,3.1954836243654827,3.5446401911018235,90.28918483129296,78.23857868020305,6.868796655718128,21.232905344879068,7.724431198458867,0.6716899970140346,722,19,164,11,17,244,108,197,0.166,0.7120000000000001,0.122,-0.8129,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,4,9,0,10,14,6,2,3,1,14,1,0,2,1,28,34,15,2,8,8,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,11,7,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,9,1,0,1,2,39,5,25,32,1,19,0,0,0,1,22,6,1,4,12,113,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417499396106168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751906384603428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894162897748046,0.07223582751401778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561104194890809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298314613102915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495485007150608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718903618481933,0.09984043121987053,0.11323077388134993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830584472434904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185732347870822,0.0,0.06734565375865086,0.0,0.0,0.13064545186404394,0.0,0.11733253802615767,0.1047881829345672,0.0,0.0,0.5849656375613567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05789257527923309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694988070752444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965010535040164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711032367525573,0.08786543035143814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24645664354625854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201975953644852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182685502793986,0.0,0.11700336460120687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423507879157464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387412893980427,0.0,0.0,0.09907038360567086,0.0,0.2477615512371717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524492444665446,0.10357325869826453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745080294784805,0.151858616359794,0.0,0.0,0.06909765956340153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978743885686631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654473920890888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417821626111002,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rodjborgz,2020/04/01,"Having sex with older men is my only form of validation and I'm sick of it! When I was 13 years old, I installed Grindr for the first time. Back then, I was genuinely confused about my sexuality and I started using it as a way to confirm I was really into men. I didn't have any sexual experience and very little interest in trying anything but chatting with older men (in their 20s, 30s, 40, 50s...) really excited me in a way I couldn't really explain. Chatting quickly turned to sending photos and videos. I've had very deep feelings of self-hate since I was a kid, but seeing these older men appreciate me made me feel so confident. They would say things like ""I love how young you look"" and I became fascinated with that concept. When I started noticing my body change because of puberty, I hated myself even more because I was terrified they wouldn't like me anymore. Suddenly, chatting with them wasn't enough and they really wanted to meet me. By the time I was 15, I had probably met with over 20 different men. My parents are workaholics and they never paid that much attention to what I was doing, so after my family had dinner I would tell them I was going for a walk. I would meet these strangers in their cars, they would take me to their houses and two hours later I would be home again. I even managed to bring some of these men to my home while my parents were working. I was always a little anxious, but I wasn't really aware of how dangerous that was. I was just so excited and full of adrenaline. I didn't feel abused or obliged to do anything, I felt so certain and aware. How could we be doing something wrong if I felt so loved? After all that, I came out and started hanging out with younger and more age-appropriate guys. As I got older, I began to realise some of these men were pedophiles and I was way too young to consent. I don't feel like I was raped, but I'm finally realising something wasn't right back then. I'm 18 years old right now and I'm finally confident enough to have sex with guys/girls my own age, but it just doesn't feel the same... honestly it doesn't feel like anything at all. Whenever I'm feeling really sad or bored, I still go to these dating apps and chat with older guys to feel some sort of validation. My definition of sex and pleasure is so messed up and I'm scared this won't ever change. My parents never really cared that much about me and all my life has been a desperate cry for attention. When I was younger, I would yell for hours and break things just to get some sort of reaction. This weird sex ""fetish"" has just been a way to compensate that lack of attention. I just hope someday I'll be able to view sex in a healthy way... Does anyone relate to this? How has BPD affected your sex life? Does it get better?",4.920434343434344,5.621618463636366,5.751242424242424,81.0404191919192,68.9090909090909,9.165656565656567,29.095959595959602,9.2995712137729,2.3630262626262626,2185,76,435,42,36,717,241,550,0.109,0.746,0.146,0.9779,4,0,2,0,1,0,66.0,1,2,10,3,30,25,3,2,11,0,54,14,1,7,7,93,96,45,0,13,13,3,10,4,0,8,3,2,2,10,22,32,1,0,14,5,1,8,13,10,0,2,34,15,69,15,59,49,18,74,0,1,3,9,39,17,0,11,47,295,91,2,0.0693969816912804,0.08222407542574371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577438480434395,0.0,0.0,0.047192327273972906,0.0,0.0,0.07839883624564603,0.06882315831250044,0.04852398315873732,0.0,0.17132340877761726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672399060111697,0.0,0.08460751183901616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061375990820038535,0.0,0.07708440222936473,0.08740306908365619,0.0,0.0,0.07937165948795655,0.07075484790064039,0.0,0.14682560983596168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055407842996693206,0.0,0.07622932575665546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250507547276037,0.0,0.0,0.12145953267209295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434112661392482,0.0,0.09167210381713724,0.06277354299194497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788356433082726,0.06542129816533279,0.0,0.280713592712835,0.0991544351728466,0.13326397064724438,0.15204200269026208,0.0,0.05902903717513858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251411735780458,0.0,0.07887980789845063,0.0,0.05550310579344255,0.0,0.0,0.13742784490457338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851515211864337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922166184076565,0.06892686130393694,0.13668409601695314,0.08007479945462162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803428096224387,0.13561543950966254,0.13910801379180507,0.0,0.0,0.0582759865442186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526697083088412,0.06566510202510935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202953292428887,0.0,0.10704646093706388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900892361562041,0.14564091691232212,0.0,0.0,0.05277953172397997,0.0,0.0,0.2311714067672435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482168367841888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112023843789621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852928637137508,0.0,0.05518726523179628,0.06947848507431087,0.0,0.055300409550442325,0.0,0.07239618682333514,0.0,0.0,0.05740590038364854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685037387143463,0.0,0.0,0.1473586224761784,0.0,0.05542051922239225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052177893670909824,0.0,0.06065602079396387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220854202775997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093187619985827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04711599523086248,0.07548398823516833,0.06779076733655222,0.0,0.0,0.059936710685563076,0.0,0.11451955547034863,0.04093213781531385,0.275420469514632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05052182918531501,0.0,0.0,0.2957857481808612,0.07587470535871912,0.0,0.08937876187953127 bpd,lifeainthatimportant,2020/04/01,"Anyone from (and living in) India here? \*Living in the subcontinent, not ex-patriate Indians/ Indians who moved abroad. Our culture is particularly toxic to people suffering from mental illness, and as a male with a hypermasculine appearance/ demeanor (that I gradually curated subconsciously ever since I was 17, to deal with being bullied for being called ugly and gay throughout my adolescence) we get the brunt of it. I've started online therapy (most I can do because some retard from Wuhan fancied bat soup three months ago and all of the country is under lockdown for at least two more weeks), and my family although completely clueless about BPD understands enough to know that what people like us are going through is incredibly difficult- and as far as Indian parents go they've been wonderful in that regard. I've also separately been diagnosed with clinical depression, anxiety, cyclothymia, insomnia, and alcoholism by different therapists over the years- although in retrospect, the first three may just be an amalgamation with a bunch of other shit that BPD covers and I may have been misdiagnosed. I'm in the 18-24 group if that helps. I think finding community helps with any illness, and I would love to know if there are people within my age group out there, with the same fucked up condition I do- our unique cultural context helps massively.",9.912307692307696,10.44705911965812,9.533418803418801,58.77269230769232,58.23076923076921,13.353846153846154,41.07692307692308,12.635684438814375,5.896651282051282,1110,54,158,36,13,359,162,234,0.149,0.78,0.071,-0.9642,2,1,1,0,0,0,33.0,4,0,0,1,7,7,2,0,11,0,19,10,1,0,2,36,32,17,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,1,9,17,1,0,6,0,0,4,1,5,0,4,4,0,14,2,35,22,8,24,0,2,0,3,17,12,2,8,9,120,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183557616082115,0.1468855509511612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991370338544824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346645138438676,0.0,0.10514407931767107,0.0,0.0,0.0961038536318218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378442374907692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34621113978666546,0.0,0.14034541822020907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410713876253595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169845328262906,0.11838008557872474,0.13950249552558872,0.0,0.14359944726721555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420161169077365,0.0,0.0,0.12432572503196244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956971901332512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562108168727848,0.11690956882391484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706451614501904,0.07180867755639274,0.0,0.15622488137423096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27637691052361324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107096205873916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714806524753016,0.0,0.24273066812513105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404833492595585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385109554535786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970627615374916,0.14608093637620848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526149997974158,0.0,0.0,0.2858585354289439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410840165000055,0.11369487599617455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728338142611544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571788866858344,0.1595827671428279,0.0,0.08806839418132532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426255549525734,0.14308377295728208,0.1653278874411225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024907189610428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905186515917954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763608425879304,0.0,0.0,0.08850925759087504 bpd,QueenEuphoria,2020/04/01,I’m Scared Of BPD I been scarred by someone form my past who has BPD a horrible incident happened to me and she reacted horribly she didn’t take my side or support me when I was crying on the phone to her. I was hurt beyond anything I was afraid of people for a long time because of the horrible incident. Obviously we are not friends anymore but we were for years. I started school in the fall and met so many different people. I am a easy going person and people tend to open up too me and a few told me there experience with someone who had BPD I felt I wasn’t alone one friend his ex has it and he told me so many stories about how she has ruined him and effected him she even spat in his father face literally...she’s been stalking him for some time even tho she has a bf. Another told me he had a ex who sister had it and the ex’s sister favourite person was his ex. When she found out her favourite person was dating she went over board to keep them apart and eventually it worked he couldn’t handle the harassment him and his family was getting by one girl. I recently found out one of the closet people to me now may have it. She doesn’t have a favourite person form what I can tell and what she has told me but still...I’m sorry to everyone who dose have it but I’m just so terrified I don’t mean to be mean and I don’t know where else to talk about it. Some info or advice to handle all this would be great.,1.0902215705441485,3.2445419191919207,2.8467883132399265,91.71670576735096,82.67003367003367,6.256500488758554,20.691756272401435,7.4822170145007005,0.6322374063212775,1118,33,246,18,31,370,150,297,0.11599999999999999,0.8320000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.9437,1,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,2,0,1,2,17,9,1,2,13,0,33,3,2,3,2,42,55,23,0,2,7,7,1,0,3,2,1,0,1,5,13,17,0,1,8,0,0,3,7,5,0,3,23,1,44,4,29,27,6,26,0,2,0,0,52,12,0,5,11,172,57,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956996260365162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101429722656779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026919674739701,0.0,0.0,0.0971238618920782,0.0,0.0,0.08059104668152127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05969944199285925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700319987676127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757551220329427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231981660469718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181099518070623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936849991777735,0.0,0.0,0.0935797962004994,0.0,0.09579789838868463,0.09232312616284236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403165880271766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21475837729186664,0.15132658488879355,0.0,0.051166288297221016,0.0,0.055657948256432166,0.0,0.0,0.1079721911356916,0.0,0.0,0.08660240027603124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483999421953548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704792489591344,0.0,0.0,0.053821770996727185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666819546736572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985786927598986,0.0,0.21335690280493186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19908712047906235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348874712275007,0.27157943828339104,0.3420475310101168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669766123498236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804866493031217,0.09911407880821567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595772195039418,0.0,0.0,0.10962869944636038,0.0693179391399892,0.0,0.07820993669750304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113394161918384,0.0,0.0,0.07363391426621772,0.07871535549328199,0.08559832374687684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421179381234685,0.0,0.0,0.3743191848019976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078547157279886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129686112412048,0.0,0.0,0.06956925270589988,0.0,0.0,0.06306605754313249 bpd,Cuzzayri,2020/04/01,"Am I splitting or reasonable? AIMTA for taking him back? I talked to this guy for a couple months but I never met him because I was super insecure, eventually it started taking a toll on our “relationship”, and we had an argument. I apologised first, he told me to fuck off. I have BPD, so I thought he meant it literally, and I blocked him. I always secretly wanted him back, I thought, “if he really wanted me, then he would’ve made a second account to message me”, toxic. I know. I’ve just always spent my life chasing boys and when I had an epiphany, I told myself I would NEVER put in effort into a relationship. I now know it’s 50/50. Around 7 months later, still no contact. My close friend comes over after not seeing each other in 2 months, I straightened her hair, gave her some weed, bought her McDonald’s. That “guy” knew I was with her, messaging her “are you with so and so” after figuring it out from her story or something. Turns out she left my house to have sex with him, and she confessed 1 week later. I always told myself that I would never let a guy in between a friendship, and that’s what I told my friend at first. It slowly hit me that it was pretty stuffed up, and I interrogated her. She said he told her to tell me to unblock him, and I was like, “wtf? You just fucked my mate.” Despite this, I still wanted him. I forgave my friend, and he eventually came back. It turns out he had sex with my friend while he was in a relationship but “he knew it was never going to work out, and I’m friends with her cousin that already warned me.” I believe him, I believe I’m pretty good at reading people. I believe that he genuinely thought him and I would never talk again, the only reason why he reached back out to me is because my other friend tried to clarify if he actually screwed my friend. He called me to tell me it wasn’t true, but now that we’re talking again, he told me the truth. He seems really genuine, he claims he’s come to his senses and that he wants to marry me and have my babies or whatever, and he wants to book a hotel for us after this isolation bs. I’m trying to not invest much of myself because I’m scared of getting hurt, but i feel like I need to do this to fulfil this longing. What got me second thinking is he wants us to hire an Airbnb with his friend and his girlfriend. Am I the asshole for not wanting anyone to know about us, especially his friend and his gf? I want to keep this super lowkey because I’m scared of what people will say about me, or try come between us. The root of the problem is, should I even be talking to him? Am I allowed to not invest that much or should I show humility? Am I the asshole for wanting to stay LOW LOW LOWkey. I’m sorry the grammar is all over the place, and I’m not sure how to write in chronological order while explaining things.",3.086563171255616,4.572631673110724,4.3557445811364985,86.35519468853742,74.09666080843586,6.885545791837533,25.122476078890838,7.471455274886353,1.1441247490724464,2198,71,452,26,45,724,240,569,0.115,0.745,0.14,0.9583,1,1,1,0,1,0,67.0,6,2,0,6,21,27,3,3,19,0,31,7,1,6,9,106,90,36,0,18,18,1,2,2,12,6,1,2,0,4,30,37,0,2,18,4,5,6,12,10,0,4,30,5,97,17,65,51,5,64,1,3,1,5,99,24,3,9,34,311,127,4,0.0,0.0,0.05491380252335176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062098057741027265,0.0,0.1404695811864563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039347011689042304,0.0,0.0,0.05009441890861056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308018972582062,0.0,0.1372126746652338,0.0,0.0,0.1901993736726141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087319212115319,0.0,0.05746047221342228,0.06436070187055473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542122201223795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06226440549523023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03716742841011508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028453046037081545,0.040201055908823134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573064965112517,0.0,0.0,0.3912836596681983,0.10404596305106134,0.02940003723482835,0.0,0.03198093521358925,0.047198668728166415,0.0450062259993902,0.0,0.0,0.16715574447498174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493086232908303,0.06024083114742838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05001754706708703,0.0,0.0,0.09277761534057533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611401912867449,0.057542401839481276,0.03974690192197984,0.05498376201048203,0.0,0.0,0.049799355368802964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05324636125793606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474841956036485,0.0,0.08273346422256046,0.04172531527652624,0.2170039470988301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042797740756195135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780244753280171,0.0,0.058792742607485335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449864210750338,0.0,0.053845143441746575,0.0,0.05656936378978401,0.0,0.0,0.05628768706421152,0.0,0.07209915626823701,0.1157149199054027,0.0,0.1812466845574974,0.0,0.0,0.053527994713135116,0.0447501179583352,0.11267709641283286,0.0,0.04484186415348476,0.0512283331710807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04332128811380208,0.0,0.062992410686625,0.039829936068822375,0.05997895393862485,0.08987851679540503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05303612659153456,0.0,0.08461977185437301,0.18091868372488007,0.09836921884106076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03738492127827857,0.03605711950493929,0.0,0.13402214010549468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32262447610901945,0.0,0.11461591739233358,0.1224165525615926,0.0,0.0,0.2707553578274633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987185882550493,0.0,0.04513837225738153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05077714157014372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040967020308357485,0.0,0.0,0.15989736117432832,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Foreign-Math,2020/04/01,"DBT skills don’t work You know how airport security is mostly “security theater”? DBT skills are like that. I need real results, not “something something, look into DBT skills, something something.” What DBT skills will get me a girlfriend? Oh right, none. It is useless.",4.212681159420288,7.566252152173918,3.8173913043478263,81.34898550724641,81.82608695652175,4.8057971014492775,31.57971014492754,6.42735559955562,2.0749101449275367,213,11,32,2,6,64,35,46,0.0,0.7959999999999999,0.204,0.8398,0,0,4,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,5,1,4,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,0,8,9,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,8,2,2,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,1,1,17,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391064428999579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632593770413238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007799087878688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235858475571602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974235658491242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030547261603067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22737899884011825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8198996815169058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19383568890705244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,IAmHomeless1,2020/04/01,"Broken up with GF, suicidal and stuck in quarantine with my verbal abusive father So a couple of days a go i let my paranoia get to my head and broken up with my gf because I thought that such a wonderful person and soul like her wouldn't be happy around me. We've had an argument where she explained that it s not the case and that she loves me for who I am, but the damage had been done and she fells absolutely awful because I dumped her. I truly understood my mistake and asked her to forgive me but she said that she can't... A little bit of a backstory for me: I was officialy diagnosed with BPD 3 moths ago but had the illness since I was 14. My mother is very supportive and caring but my father i think it s the reason I have this condition. He had mood swings since i've known him and he has outbursts of anger where he would phisically and verbally assoult my mother. He never punched me or something like that but he yells and screams at me like he is about to murder me. That is why I chose not to stand around him during my growth (I am 19 now). My therapists said that it s possible that he has BPD or some kind of bipolarity as well since I don't have significant trauma. But the true problem is that he doesn t understan mental illness... He never knew that i take pills, my mother never told him that becuse he don't get it. He is just that kind of macho father that tells me to man up and for the last 2 days he screamed at me so much for staying in bad all day and being down, saying that i m crazy and handicapped. At this point with all the thing going on I just want to die. I lost my girlfriend who was the most beautiful soul i've ever met and now i just feel like staying in bed and rotting to death. I hate myself so much, I've always hated myself and I m only thinking about ways of commiting suicide in the next year or so",3.5470060112468498,4.457539172774869,4.8167830133798715,85.72803277099091,72.19371727748691,7.858212138840412,25.666472755477987,8.167268648758528,1.4288164436687991,1452,44,306,21,27,482,188,382,0.217,0.67,0.113,-0.9940000000000001,0,1,1,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,0,1,18,27,5,0,15,1,28,7,1,1,8,63,54,30,5,5,14,6,1,4,3,2,5,6,1,2,23,23,0,0,11,0,0,4,9,13,1,0,18,7,53,13,39,31,7,39,2,2,0,1,46,18,0,6,17,208,76,0,0.0,0.120190026677267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992059976661974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440635666443884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060653503417745,0.0948328756699132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469831384432333,0.1236739854157692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074640470354076,0.0,0.25552071337856896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342502500260882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224163067917732,0.0,0.19626157411994555,0.0,0.0,0.10295964825613037,0.10527889237541274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380852428043734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175845113201757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05129120337038124,0.07246888546260588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599661540230898,0.0,0.11530158492538285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798495877936523,0.0,0.20030235471297228,0.10410689103731152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112686766237833,0.0,0.08268728642723967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372945769400528,0.0,0.19823419367282236,0.1016697104959113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073394036587808,0.0,0.09155372369946116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222784330410142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491404095521145,0.0,0.2347107631636167,0.0,0.10788278313978532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714982860035527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885736531815174,0.0,0.0,0.09589375926025263,0.11435856223269962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706455327062943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042974007443767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929856830978308,0.08066930331670565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517370975405228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809360713141471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21624347146519327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22191818686827802,0.11511311509956725,0.0,0.0,0.07627039160730738,0.0,0.08866318921332449,0.0,0.0,0.11777986845942608,0.06739234870568399,0.1299975438178202,0.0,0.08053217261080921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693043991847973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836987728702421,0.05983204688538026,0.08051849390103277,0.0,0.0,0.09120690505339954,0.0,0.09153398519956914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000754897531097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206019400955667,0.0,0.0,0.0653241506156151 bpd,catbread1810,2020/04/01,"Just a ramble I had another night of broken sleep. Nobody's fault, I have kids. However, the impact that it has on my moods feels to be quite a lot and I'm finding it hard to wrestle under control. I'm swinging between quick tempered and depressed again, I'm sure this is down to all the change in routine (although I'm used to not doing a lot thanks to fibromyalgia) but I'm not sure where to find balance. I've got a pile of uni work that I've been trying to engage with but nothing has been completed. I've got children who I need to oversee some form of daily learning with but as pretty much everyone is in this boat it's my only form of comfort and not feeling overwhelmed. Oh we're supposed to be moving house but we don't know where/when. Edit: terrible formatting.",2.627142857142857,4.59337717834395,3.9657370336669717,86.60409235668794,76.57961783439491,6.269153776160145,27.13785259326661,7.1686216300943375,1.4495190172884445,615,25,119,7,14,202,101,157,0.102,0.799,0.098,0.522,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,3,4,11,1,1,6,0,12,1,1,2,3,29,25,9,0,1,8,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,6,0,1,6,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,5,3,6,5,22,18,7,10,0,2,0,0,4,6,0,3,3,76,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842589882225376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858897183084216,0.0,0.1842403235742819,0.0,0.19708625549278072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513484027166429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679091265862244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776998261169596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212119668263435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28108057477745346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741167030742576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20275865948526367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657177004341476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987837423096348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867638148748233,0.12917529275461945,0.13029503518974644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490243232496832,0.0,0.16860922020332444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336438826384906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17877162225983492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869011145955714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758480928779521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33123028237293883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178046207073726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930315278201267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517666880882764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279271185207659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway69xdxd69,2020/04/01,"BPD and Bisexuality Being BPD and bisexual is the most tiring confusing shit to live with, and I don't know how to get control back and figure out who I am when being bisexual just distorts everything even more than it originally was. Sorry if that was incoherent I'm tired as fuck lol If anyone else knows anything to deal with it like mantras or something, this is wearing me out",5.74232876712329,6.980808438356168,7.076602739726031,70.33106849315071,67.35616438356163,9.675616438356164,32.40821917808219,9.888512548439397,3.267626849315068,308,13,55,7,5,105,57,73,0.196,0.74,0.064,-0.8703,1,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,2,1,1,1,8,5,2,3,0,20,13,10,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,3,1,9,9,2,5,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,5,4,40,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997767058958618,0.2051185584536628,0.1647395103551674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393393769323427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5042651990331468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245303768847916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20638734730281508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723325782079412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222376560052673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179918079533612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18507265122491698,0.10459113794719127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22003864115297075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780283935289097,0.0,0.17677164973517448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20549240473489574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15411622730168098,0.0,0.22409658406643126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4601784638284644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TestingSmegma,2020/04/01,"Hello BPD Monsters Yes people with BPD are absolutely Monsters, Fucc 'Em. Living with one of these Demons right now and its ruining me. I would sooner kill myself than help someone with BPD.",3.026470588235292,6.134518117647063,3.3737647058823548,82.98594117647062,88.41176470588232,5.072941176470589,21.50588235294117,6.742157984588678,0.9993129411764708,152,5,24,2,5,47,29,34,0.163,0.706,0.131,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8529971164363882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131980371637924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24976608647052076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19934709987379146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297842731966424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651111154621475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927947926543917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19128272520418085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037091967290953,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,eztamarie,2020/04/01,"Intense Guilt. So to start off nothing bad has happened recently to me. I was upset yesterday with my mum but we are all fine now. In regards to my partner I get intense guilt about how he is too good for me and how I am the worst person in the world and he is trapped with me and doesn’t see just how awful I am. The guilt makes me physically debilitated where I cannot eat and barely move and can cry for literal days on end. It’s an intense feeling in my gut that I cannot explain. I am currently on Venlafaxine and told my doctors 2 months ago that I had began experiencing mood swings again and he said come back in 3 months to see if I’m any better. Can anyone share any tips on dealing with this if they know what I’m talking about? thank you",4.149999999999999,4.448362503184715,5.3393694267515945,84.7453598726115,70.46496815286625,8.318216560509553,29.07579617834395,8.238735603445708,1.7632247133757954,591,21,130,8,10,197,101,157,0.156,0.708,0.136,-0.8113,1,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,1,1,1,12,12,0,4,4,1,14,3,1,4,1,24,30,14,0,2,4,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,5,12,1,0,3,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,5,5,19,5,19,25,2,25,0,0,2,0,15,10,0,2,13,83,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17074720266154994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619782434569025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468532500694513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811392660333733,0.1608307795611124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035792886536147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592623521546784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115855056871345,0.12422483412368993,0.1985841515415883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19715611147392464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19709972670687048,0.0,0.0,0.17060534104974104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973951410396212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063670403950628,0.0,0.0,0.1615616476236383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033442166183407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585965523267983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285762453435556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30749704409723744,0.20472600889163264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18482537817988395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818953109199122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901903428774976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322701154243914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30698855075244863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363383813447043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154821742943824,0.0,0.17733985750175965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18405795236897154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,a_damn_kid,2020/04/01,"My FP doesn't care about me as I'd want to or need to, and I'm jealous over his partners My fp us my best-friend of a year and half, he went through my worst times and I too helped him, he's bipolar. He and I spend time together smoking, drinking or me getting high. He used to talk to me everyday but now it's like twice or once a week. When we don't see each other. And the biggest problem for me is that he's really hooking up, like he always finds someone to be with. Funny is, that I'm sapphic, and he's straight, but I still get jealous every time he hooks up with somebody. My last ex-girlfriend r**ed me, so I have hard time finding somebody to be with. All of this is a shit-show and I do not know how to healthily cope with this...",0.7415833333333309,2.4458558250000024,2.4349999999999987,96.60333333333335,81.375,5.266666666666667,23.791666666666664,6.079149491110277,0.3150291666666667,572,21,136,4,15,188,99,160,0.1,0.812,0.087,-0.26899999999999996,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,2,0,0,0,7,7,2,0,4,0,9,2,0,2,1,28,20,16,0,3,6,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,6,13,1,0,3,1,1,1,3,4,0,2,1,2,19,3,20,17,3,18,0,0,1,0,15,6,0,3,13,82,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086155621752476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19027001636863186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18485408967194056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17761137421676132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527585702943596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314217655606781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007697448668746,0.0,0.18945035641041785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624150376730729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152594455173285,0.19156030221412015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964132671436768,0.14778901972288466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17715442375922266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443649386114628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19308553608570003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734858621866728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161496050396725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444778297069872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18610854648276293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362043358473804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479162819186664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572732016976264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42288518014697296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21808943059635644,0.15659062835198256,0.0,0.0,0.1069392882421527,0.0,0.14543316125152134,0.0,0.0,0.1680729687332894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675546025091772 bpd,Freyrsboy,2020/04/01,"Good Mood Tracking app? Hey friends, I'm on the hunt for a good mood tracking app for android, most of the ones I've seen have pretty plain options (happy/fine/sad) and I'm looking for something a bit more in-depth (anxiety level, depression, etc). I'd prefer it to be free, but if it costs however much a month, I feel like I'd give it a go anyway. &#x200B; Any suggestions?",4.328289473684208,4.921037355263159,5.243263157894738,84.54384210526318,70.18421052631578,8.185263157894736,30.989473684210523,8.238735603445708,2.151176842105264,293,12,60,4,5,96,57,76,0.033,0.7759999999999999,0.191,0.8577,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,9,3,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,3,1,6,6,7,5,4,0,1,2,0,4,2,0,3,2,27,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555211537650279,0.2865586430377916,0.16037214006156994,0.0,0.18040891427055009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574647236552175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031195940761183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26301221993533314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192424759706584,0.16847663469688146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822012788870543,0.0,0.0,0.22622913571643996,0.13402733379602513,0.39560517452722793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152143765515764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19803737633108695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18823684888395495,0.0,0.1733618099564972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980416566321598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399233734480225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155306290214926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865586430377916,0.0 bpd,thesmithslover,2020/04/01,"Shutting off my emotions is how I achieve at life. BPD took the better part of my youth. As is a common byproduct of this disorder, many friendships were obliterated, relationships were pandemonium and my academia was failing. Work life suffered greatly too, and I’m lucky to have had such patient management when my lack of control bled into my motivation and affected my ability to complete basic tasks. I’m a software engineer and one might say it takes a highly logical thinker to succeed in this industry. The juxtaposition of having BPD and working in the world of numbers and data has caused multiple mental breakdowns, burnout and written warnings. 2 years ago, during an episodic state of mania, depression, rage and self-loathing an idea popped into my head: what if I just turned it all off? And so I did. Simply put, I ‘let go’ of any emotion high or low. In that moment, an almost chilling calm engulfed my body. My clenched muscles instantly relaxed. I went from a blubbering mess to a logical entity. For once, I could think straight and see how things really were. At first, this was a tough endeavour. Everything tried to crawl its way back, resurfacing to cause another delightful cocktail of emotions with a debilitating aftertaste. But, I really committed to shutting it all off. You know how they say it takes 21 days to form a habit? Well, that rings true. After a month, this suppression became autopilot. During the next couple of months, my work had seen such an improvement that my boss pulled me aside and said, verbatim, “It’s like you died and resurrected as someone else completely.” 6 months after that I was promoted to a Senior engineer and became the go-to person in the office when any issues arose. Outside of work, almost every other facet of my life has been transformed harmoniously: - My friendships have consolidated. I no longer spend countless hours talking about myself. I learned how to slow down, become an active listener, take an active interest in their lives rather than using them as echo chambers. - I’ve taken up and explored many hobbies. From reading, cooking and walking to getting the creative juices flowing by working on some software pet projects. Consistently dabbling in these activities keeps me sane. - My current relationship has not seen an ounce of the drama that used to occur. It’s a normal, functioning two-way street that has as many ups and downs that sit comfortably within the spectrum of normality. Despite what may be perceived as a negative ‘coping mechanism’, deciding to suppress my emotions has actually lead me to lead a much more fulfilling life. I’m not in a constant state of despair like before, crumbling under the weight of the world. I have slowed my pace and think in a rational manner about everything. Every action I take has been calculated by weighing the pros and cons first. I’ve learned about delayed gratification, something a younger me would have believed was never to be controlled. In the past 2 years, I’ve accomplished the following: - 3 pay rises - 2 jobs - moved out of my hometown and into the city - published a few projects - gained a dozen friends - lost weight through healthy eating - developed a rigorous habit of keeping my dental hygiene in check The rut has been broken. Apologies for the lengthy post, I just wanted to put my thoughts out somewhere.",7.679941130298276,9.166091957482994,7.1672108843537465,70.53090266875981,63.09863945578231,10.044374672946102,38.376242804814225,10.155593326086523,4.301456776556776,2693,137,415,59,39,841,341,588,0.08800000000000001,0.784,0.129,0.9734,3,0,1,0,0,0,80.0,0,2,3,21,18,22,1,0,43,0,34,11,2,15,5,83,64,34,1,8,8,0,2,2,1,3,4,5,1,1,23,25,6,7,14,5,3,15,5,9,1,4,22,10,42,13,79,35,9,83,0,6,3,0,15,36,0,8,29,276,65,25,0.0,0.0,0.07019611321700721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376415682988669,0.0,0.1440607747696384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978336484663586,0.07542789531209115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05531194360674745,0.0,0.0,0.07944421309956476,0.06120958170896401,0.08104372158195347,0.0,0.06361878569054727,0.0,0.07990121218397986,0.18119388531040356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778976259826027,0.0,0.0,0.15084050957712736,0.07773388730486573,0.16135768018879432,0.057432550449861765,0.07959236215110409,0.0,0.04639075593484585,0.0,0.0619556830626666,0.0,0.07465497140505709,0.0,0.0824413110192835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360529302360759,0.0600906899698115,0.32365922676961306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121310557215338,0.0,0.12929726632251082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223721398347971,0.0,0.0,0.05557516368464471,0.0,0.037581960226532006,0.0,0.08176222537436695,0.0,0.0,0.07930625276669645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382388623301106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200207157588924,0.0,0.0,0.07083939579326264,0.0,0.0,0.08120346440809396,0.0,0.07507923666586183,0.07138228273360576,0.12787449549738178,0.0,0.0,0.039532428953428206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355624212300878,0.20323327827491927,0.07028554217390948,0.0,0.06351804980724163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852323447804999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21878594622070416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249142298585498,0.076309416894653,0.0,0.0,0.17224841261447624,0.07645326620078488,0.052878942583992776,0.0,0.055479070612927416,0.0,0.07650143261081277,0.0,0.14095789675645934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660616823302373,0.048743580278197085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789629787784927,0.06866807214128777,0.0,0.06280901514358947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889181375777835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446248222753514,0.0,0.0,0.07195234480807718,0.0,0.09216408814712232,0.0,0.0,0.15445798329718632,0.0,0.0,0.06842464015426286,0.11440782471189875,0.0,0.0,0.057321191182146285,0.0,0.07504168051365867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060948494733438774,0.05537744438385739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21633829064963947,0.05781692316983099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04778900833798547,0.09218336836067964,0.0,0.05710667074657769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992007504455509,0.04883770287274045,0.07824231603334222,0.07026797028218079,0.0,0.0,0.12425382307168355,0.0,0.0,0.04242787560308037,0.11419394190290175,0.0,0.17518973497306176,0.06467629678725148,0.06668249926546241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618399622304439,0.0,0.0,0.05109905320853,0.0,0.0,0.09264483100521922 bpd,beccatws,2020/04/01,"73 Distraction Activity Ideas 1. Browse [mindfulness and meditation resources](https://thewellnesssociety.org/mindfulness-and-meditation/) to try 2. Work on personal development through journaling - [here’s](https://psychcentral.com/blog/30-journaling-prompts-for-self-reflection-and-self-discovery/) a list of prompts 3. Browse new [healthy recipes ](https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/category/healthy) 4. Plan your meals 5. Work your way through this [list of films](https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/blog/movies-have-helped-you-your-mental-health) that have helped people with their mental health 6. Do the [7 Day Happiness Challenge](https://www.actionforhappiness.org/7-day-happiness-challenge) from Action for Happiness 7. Watch [free online documentaries](https://documentaryheaven.com/) 8. Watch comedy 9. Play on a [trivia or games app](https://www.wired.com/gallery/best-mobile-games/) 10. Learn some basic yoga poses - check out [Yoga with Adriene](https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene) on YouTube 11. Learn calligraphy or hand-lettering 12. Learn how to play a musical instrument 13. Talk to a volunteer listener (see pages 20-26 of [The Social Connection Planner](https://thewellnesssociety.org/free-tools/)) 14. Read a biography about someone who inspires you 15. Do some mindful colouring - [free mindful colouring sheets](https://thewellnesssociety.org/free-tools/) here 16. Rediscover old music you liked when you were a teenager 17. Watch a live stream theatre show from [The National Theatre](https://www.nationaltheatre.org.uk/nt-at-home?queueittoken=e_safetyevent25mar20%7Eq_b4873837-6173-43dd-b995-d9a71e62c36d%7Ets_1585401348%7Ece_true%7Ert_safetynet%7Eh_2d41b29d0eaa42d4f117766f716bc0b32951ad18f792cded5f43e6a3aed7995f) 18. Make a list of things to save up for 19. Have a relaxing [DIY foot soak](https://www.healthline.com/health/diy-foot-soak#sore-feet) 20. Do a [free online nutrition course](https://www.futurelearn.com/subjects/healthcare-medicine-courses/nutrition) 21. [Start a blog](https://www.bloggingbasics101.com/how-do-i-start-a-blog/) 22. Download [Bumble BFF](https://bumble.com/bff) and chat to new people in your area 23. Reorganise or redecorate your living space 24. Do a [jigsaw puzzle](https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1787558878/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=thewellnessso-21&creative=6738&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1787558878&linkId=6ed60a1f48648aee4e5fba9aa7d64598) 25. Make a list of goals for the year 26. Find a [new podcast](https://www.elle.com/uk/life-and-culture/culture/a29853336/best-podcasts/) to listen to 27. Declutter 28. Update your CV 29. Make a list of books you want to read this year 30. Search Pinterest for [craft or DIY project ideas](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/search/pins/?q=craft%20projects&rs=typed&term_meta[]=craft%7Ctyped&term_meta[]=projects%7Ctyped) 31. Download Reddit and browse uplifting content such as [r/aww](https://www.reddit.com/r/aww/) and [r/humansbeingbros](https://www.reddit.com/r/HumansBeingBros/) 32. Do a [free online drawing class](https://www.thoughtco.com/free-online-drawing-classes-1098200) 33. Search Facebook for local groups with volunteering opportunities 34. Arrange to catch up with someone over video chat 35. Explore new music 36. Do a [workout video](https://www.pastemagazine.com/health/fitness/the-10-best-fitness-youtube-channels/) 37. Brainstorm ways to save more money 38. Learn furniture building or upcycling 39. Make a life experiences bucket list 40. Get a [30 day free trial of Audible](https://www.audible.co.uk/?utm_source=awin&source_code=CMJ30DFT1Bk14503182090C7&awc=8095_1585399360_cbd78a73f8ebc3f1a94e8df81a42b0e5) and listen to an audiobook 41. Do a [free online coding course](https://www.ukwebhostreview.com/learn-to-code-for-free/) 42. Build your [Mental Wellbeing Toolkit](https://thewellnesssociety.org/the-mental-wellbeing-toolkit/) 43. Use [Jackbox Games](https://jackboxgames.com/how-to-play-jackbox-games-with-friends-and-family-remotely/) to play games with friends 44. Join an [online book club](https://www.scribendi.com/advice/online_book_clubs.en.html) 45. Start learning a new language 46. Do the 4-week [Best Possible Self Exercise](https://thewellnesssociety.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/The-Best-Possible-Self-Exercise.pdf), an evidence-based intervention for improving wellbeing 47. Plan some thoughtful birthday or Christmas gifts 48. [Research activities](https://www.agingcare.com/articles/lockdown-activities-for-an-elderly-loved-one-457557.htm) for your elderly relatives 49. Start a side project to earn extra money 50. Browse[ free online courses ](https://www.opencolleges.edu.au/informed/features/free-online-courses-50-sites-to-get-educated-for-free/) ([here ](https://theyarethefuture.co.uk/free-online-education-resources/)are some for kids) 51. Write a poem or short story 52. Make a cookbook of your favourite recipes 53. Make a list of things you’re looking forward to when the pandemic is over 54. Become a volunteer listener (or chat to one) on [7Cups.com](https://www.7cups.com/) 55. Watch a live stream gig from [Sofar Sounds](https://www.sofarsounds.com/v/listeningroom) 56. Watch [TED Talks](https://www.youtube.com/user/TEDtalksDirector) 57. Use the [Netflix Party](https://www.netflixparty.com/) extension to watch Netflix with your friends online 58. Do a home improvement project 59. Do some gardening 60. Make a list of topics you’re curious about and research them online 61. Do a [spring clean](https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/home/cleaning/g3345/spring-cleaning-tips/) 62. Search Pinterest for [family bonding ideas](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/search/pins/?rs=ac&len=2&q=family%20bonding%20activities&eq=family%20bon&etslf=5385&term_meta[]=family%7Cautocomplete%7C1&term_meta[]=bonding%7Cautocomplete%7C1&term_meta[]=activities%7Cautocomplete%7C1) 63. Search Pinterest for [indoor kids activities](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/search/pins/?rs=ac&len=2&q=kids%20activities%20indoor&eq=kids%20act&etslf=4120&term_meta[]=kids%7Cautocomplete%7C1&term_meta[]=activities%7Cautocomplete%7C1&term_meta[]=indoor%7Cautocomplete%7C1) 64. Learn knitting, cross-stitch or embroidery 65. Find a new [board game](https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=board+games&ref=nb_sb_noss_2) to play 66. Do [exercise song videos](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pISwIAgGRqk) with your kids 67. Take part in a [virtual pub quiz](https://www.standard.co.uk/go/london/bars/virtual-pub-quiz-coronavirus-lockdown-a4396276.html) 68. Start a [dream journal](https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/dreaming-in-the-digital-age/201705/keeping-dream-journal) 69. Watch a live opera stream from [The Metropolitan Opera](https://www.metopera.org/user-information/nightly-met-opera-streams/) 70. Do some [baking](https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/collection/easy-baking) 71. Feel more connected by [finding a pen pal](https://www.fluentin3months.com/pen-pals/) 72. Learn how to invest in this [free online course](https://classes.brit.co/learn/investing-101) 73. Explore ideas for [camping in your backyard](http://www.froddo.com/camping-at-home-12-fun-ideas-for-camping-in-your-backyard)",17.87207605344296,24.58011141486811,9.268385748544024,42.760050359712245,51.75779376498802,10.467310722850293,37.55916409729359,10.002507306423793,5.660503747858857,6256,247,551,152,105,1538,464,834,0.004,0.889,0.106,0.9955,1,2,0,0,0,0,894.0,0,15,2,8,9,24,0,1,46,0,17,5,1,11,0,64,41,20,0,1,9,0,1,1,2,0,3,5,2,5,7,14,1,0,17,27,12,5,0,1,0,1,2,17,17,31,69,39,12,45,0,0,11,0,39,20,0,15,21,190,24,22,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8648135013406831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03526050523587649,0.0,0.0,0.16752538345377993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06177019428036332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0312304153284649,0.03009762868481045,0.0,0.016143086649889928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754121025497748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049332941283745775,0.0,0.03336074091844441,0.0,0.01814466569324968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797308044703528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357462543071622,0.0,0.0,0.02139977790422706,0.0,0.12810023648188767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208266203969975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045101510815747474,0.01559776119075897,0.0,0.1127673591527173,0.0,0.02681036685967723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491791287819894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869832049543609,0.0,0.09671052431351296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185009895484673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033501675765165564,0.0,0.043268683785959744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03457347882261731,0.0,0.04426787432146483,0.02787714197074621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035992530063066415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387063152502155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025441427171941103,0.0,0.13322594386300635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03254522551050594,0.05410273785389115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298932781759324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024004886990988312,0.02566145276808417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04242132970986941,0.0,0.0,0.025346214460448963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021676117248392496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05514879445663201,0.0,0.0,0.018831180667301845,0.05068381861025322,0.02560965366014775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04648600067379282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04111946510996811 bpd,gpbean,2020/04/01,"Desperate and bored af with my life Where should I start? I feel so tired, desperate and bored, my life it’s just going to school, studying and being with my boyfriend. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, he loves me and is so patient with me. He supports me a lot and I know he’s the kind of men every woman would love to have: patient, has a good job and comes from a good family, I get along really well with his family but I feel like something’s missing. I want to go out, be like I was before. Go wild at parties, meet new people, do stupid stuff. I feel like I’m wasting my youth and I feel like a split a lot on him: I sometimes feel like I could get married to him and sometimes I feel disgusted by him. I don’t know what to do anymore.",0.5421462264150954,2.4484915597484256,2.312040094339625,96.18617334905665,83.0880503144654,5.484433962264153,20.000393081761004,6.6274283507984215,0.04548081761006273,574,16,135,6,16,189,86,159,0.156,0.647,0.19699999999999998,0.7216,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,5,18,2,0,6,0,13,5,0,0,0,33,35,11,0,4,2,0,6,5,0,2,3,0,0,2,4,16,0,0,9,0,0,4,2,6,1,0,1,6,26,12,17,29,2,11,0,1,0,2,12,4,0,2,8,82,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229488402471459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054926957392099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679257586669244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898310690868198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445339527500204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23374320313426986,0.0,0.3761097083296454,0.3542680431638387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954253843169192,0.0,0.2113717490847264,0.20796692564729294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302501051863472,0.0,0.0,0.12909978567274594,0.20439851325459346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751329268273569,0.302837035820316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21079642869159346,0.22378265052873744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973480822191974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594792340788734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942088344284698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546825058475433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544119936937503,0.2452268024231385,0.0,0.08774939607584784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419205060567028,0.0,0.14068416317048393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248981200977712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312304457720757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146746486452727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806753325516868,0.13554604666048925,0.0,0.0 bpd,scatteredintestines,2020/04/01,"I feel like my boyfriend hates me frequently, even though I know he doesn't. To preface this, I have an extremely caring boyfriend, he is always trying to help people and he himself has been through stuff, I know he has good intentions but these thoughts often flood my mind. When he asks me questions that I feel like I can't answer because of my guilt and fear inside I feel stupid, I feel like that's why he hates me or thinks I'm annoying.. but sometimes he even says that he hates me and then a few minutes later says he loves me like it was just a joke...? It's so confusing,, it's like I think he loves me and wants the best for me but then I start feeling like he hates me, anytime he gets frustrated at me I feel like he hates me. I'm still really bad at opening up do to trust issues n stuff but I know my boyfriend wants me to open up to him (like I said before, he is very caring) and when I can't I just feel so guilty.. and then I just feel stupid for not doing it, but whenever I do open up I feel like he just shuts me down and doesn't listen to me and then I get the selfish feeling like I'm not worthy enough to vent, like my problems don't matter and I sound like I'm whining. I know a lot of what I think isn't true, I know my boyfriend loves me and trys to help me the best that he can but my mind goes past that, I end up fighting with myself, self degrading but then trying to pull myself back up at the same time.. I just freeze and say nothing, I shut down in front of him frequently. I don't know what to do.. I know I should probably talk to him about it but I don't want him to think he's done anything wrong.. and I don't want to let him into the toxic place that is my mind, I love him so much but all I can do is feel bad that he has to deal with me.",1.7423255813953489,2.7813584651162806,3.009475452196384,96.46243023255815,76.75193798449612,6.2969509043927685,21.1687338501292,6.588339656340683,0.03146656330749309,1374,32,340,11,30,445,152,387,0.171,0.638,0.191,0.8309,0,0,0,0,3,0,38.0,0,0,0,2,17,44,10,3,9,0,29,4,0,1,2,77,77,33,0,6,17,0,12,12,0,1,0,6,0,1,18,18,0,0,25,1,0,2,11,20,0,0,5,18,66,24,35,70,8,36,0,1,0,4,42,18,0,5,28,210,84,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579791244486328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05518330169439351,0.0,0.06269049752450419,0.0,0.0,0.05156372570501129,0.1119818290203303,0.04087814284752641,0.0,0.057061709930122134,0.0,0.14074718543817252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674089767067732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913420604178439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862396598703867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059393787008685875,0.06928919307235101,0.0,0.08858280484835453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545927803701814,0.3729738383156357,0.3353454502800549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007043188918577,0.0,0.0,0.05624535567695405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33103114778448656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989558617703296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999148670501358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579745771094412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857169799868572,0.0,0.3931358236243242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570106043078138,0.242091087015772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20312942759406316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04929559717441253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434428768683913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401477521309439,0.04648981088436023,0.0,0.07006169471064419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230023450679951,0.06416577683154708,0.0,0.0,0.07512069002091222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04295929098838399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378783941246474,0.15998245516086992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699564755482098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632241487862325,0.0,0.04746423958869751,0.0,0.05355287851432406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353151595942655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05389895514489202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187311133048847,0.0658844805047018,0.053236833029018917,0.03910225846743917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105642473520427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055330155037053866,0.1582109900456795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060509723363604974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331776994149612,0.0,0.0 bpd,AHumanPrion,2020/04/01,"What to do [Venting] When your favourite person is in a relationship with three other people. As I'm writing this I'm seeing it become confusing. The relationship goes like this. 3-fp-2-1 **You And Them** 1. Your former favourite person until you realized they were only interacting with you since they were ignoring their friends, and once they worked it out, they started ignoring you. But like a fool, you kept trying to talk, insisting, angry messages and constant calling, because you were so attached, they understood you so much. You'd later find out they had that effect on everyone. Everyone felt special with them. 2. Doesn't want to interact with you if they can help it, thinks you are wierd, you tried to reach out to them once, and it was kind of nice for a while until they dropped you out of nowhere. You constantly think they're saying bad things about you. 3. Acts very strangely. In public, in groups as small as three, they seem to want your attention. In private, they alternate between oversharing and ignoring you for days on end when you overshare back. You wouldn't feel all that strongly about them if not for the fact that they knew the above trio for about two weeks before being embraced completely. Two weeks. All of the tiptoeing on your part and not wanting to look too presumptuous, and this new person just hops in to the inner circle of adoration and reassurance. To make things complicated you've known 3 for longer than the others and had a thing for them once. A thing that was discouraged by a common friend who knows everyone involved. A thing that fp told you later would have probably worked out if you'd taken initiative from what they know of 3. You also had a thing for 1 once before things went to shit. You told them about it, the response was strange. 'The way I think about us I can't explain to you right now'. Young and lonely, I lapped it up. You may have a thing for the favorite person, but you are doing your absolute best to squash/avoid thinking about it. Your relationship with them is rocky and scarred enough without shit like this getting involved. And there's this stupid chat culture you have, you don't know why you agreed to it. Basically, you can text something and be left on read. And that's okay. The other party is either thinking about it and will reply hours later, or they have nothing to say. Except you know they only do this with you. This was this time when your favorite person logged in with your phone and never really logged out. And you had a glimpse that lasted about a month into that life. Might be worth mentioning. Every one here is young. Can drink, drinks a lot, but brains haven't finished developing yet. The more I write, the more nasty I feel. I thought this would help, get it out, help me figure exactly what I'm feeling. But all its doing it making me realize that regardless of what the others are like, I'm objectively toxic to me too.",4.0153005464480875,6.416262349726777,3.995660837887069,85.97226721311476,73.95446265938071,7.087810564663025,24.82335154826957,8.043390162373402,1.4813660182149355,2326,76,433,37,50,712,258,549,0.071,0.828,0.102,0.9485,0,3,3,0,0,0,76.0,1,39,22,5,22,25,3,1,25,1,44,6,3,3,6,97,81,37,0,10,14,0,4,4,2,6,1,2,0,5,47,32,2,5,25,4,1,2,9,11,0,5,20,8,71,14,74,50,11,57,0,2,2,0,97,23,2,9,34,318,118,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754229859859793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055328867997964576,0.06007932661307234,0.04386303236798341,0.07946852150123644,0.12245662132808373,0.0,0.07551221656037999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032545284174182,0.07347398653152427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544333193636403,0.15551534475946002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04640495061417011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097679507693425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373067415847011,0.07434863491279894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06062509722589905,0.2062679395004781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914766138074128,0.0,0.06908797730759557,0.0,0.06576546481542032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118433723228907,0.0,0.07518691916748642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468953571091506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086107128629023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492994399700523,0.15817810046626654,0.05865283808532098,0.0,0.0,0.07817919724801305,0.0,0.05082386593758606,0.14061409639675787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060423984313091934,0.0,0.0,0.061173473349786726,0.0,0.0,0.09606089406216853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633276610896117,0.0,0.0,0.057433705772259876,0.0,0.05289512252367818,0.0,0.05549604614179497,0.06949448000868848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904265646386733,0.0,0.0,0.3065184329901424,0.048758494876530806,0.10944987072924947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792013264722611,0.0,0.049884459947414514,0.3141411674727237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757954020106465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197436084210374,0.0,0.04609614429299173,0.0,0.0,0.231757866705284,0.0,0.06144908190367196,0.0,0.11444283130645075,0.0,0.0,0.0573387303644881,0.065505028351737,0.0,0.0,0.14772131872335106,0.059521827599238075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055394388817052886,0.0,0.0,0.050930040661735655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05783461403662921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824290468452784,0.2305289367472885,0.0,0.057124144289790964,0.0419574743210802,0.0,0.0,0.13751195966698535,0.0,0.09770529254155666,0.0,0.1405789418599785,0.0,0.08655287168744383,0.0,0.0,0.05937031900808803,0.12732257315166168,0.05711444152671336,0.11543574313052983,0.0,0.0,0.06670290282808042,0.06492809529961639,0.0,0.0,0.06936194511331115,0.0,0.10476803208971286,0.0,0.0,0.10222937707257973,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sydonixO2,2020/04/01,"Just got diagnosed Traits I have are fear of abandonment, splitting, unstable self image, self harm, episodes of dysphoria and feeling of emptiness.I've had the fear of abandonment, splitting, unstable self image and feeling of emptiness since I was a kid but the self harm and dysphoria started after college. Some unfortunate circumstances led to me cutting myself and it just felt natural. So I kept doing it and eventually got caught and started therapy. Therapy is nice and I've also been prescribed a bunch of meds but I don't feel any different even after 3 months of taking them. I still have very strong urges to self harm and I act on those urges by scratching alot. I'm so glad there is a community for this and Im happy I can be part of it.",4.621170212765957,6.868576453900713,5.311648936170212,77.90875,71.69503546099291,8.955319148936171,31.608156028368807,9.516144504307137,3.2886070921985824,604,28,105,15,12,195,87,141,0.19399999999999998,0.653,0.152,-0.4331,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,1,8,12,1,2,6,0,12,1,0,1,0,23,24,14,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,5,9,0,3,4,0,0,3,1,8,0,0,8,5,10,4,15,15,4,10,0,2,0,0,7,1,0,2,6,70,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605223841795974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901828077936454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346015233741891,0.0,0.13855454187422273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759101527865816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29845768766396186,0.20116252025766584,0.0,0.12733128185147344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21212880189873345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117122775170465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324705252046202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730546747103918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585209847586917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436092176766818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6917322982800249,0.0,0.0,0.10970057167269473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18773128451376744,0.0,0.1059065810389366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971004245421247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033138226017133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942133664694262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lavvalamp,2020/04/01,"I feel sorry for being me Today was overwhelming. I don’t even want to go into detail. At the end of it all I asked a close friend of mine: does everybody actually see that I’m crazy and abnormal and not tell me? Are they all in on it and I just don’t know? And he told me yes. “We know you’re weird”. I know I’m the one who asked but when he told me the answer it was the first time all of my insecurities had proof to back them up. I don’t hate myself for no reason, everybody else feels the same way about me. I think he knows I was upset by the answer but after he told me that he started calling me names and became really hostile towards me. One second I was talking to a friend and then all of a sudden, it was like he couldn’t hold it in anymore. How much he an everybody else hated me :( I haven’t stopped crying and I don’t think I’ll sleep tonight",0.5761827956989265,2.357958768817205,2.8410752688172067,93.09827956989248,82.27956989247312,5.853763440860216,18.397849462365595,6.937597516519254,-0.011621505376343766,665,15,156,8,18,227,105,186,0.19899999999999998,0.737,0.064,-0.9815,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,2,1,6,10,3,3,10,1,14,1,1,2,5,37,35,12,0,2,4,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,8,10,0,2,11,0,0,1,8,7,0,4,9,3,26,3,19,24,6,22,0,1,1,0,22,8,0,0,13,104,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.14100323437293638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329712157471852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27016081082773924,0.0,0.0,0.11110533889382436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754236746295987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871754840007454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644582032033938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24140885451167526,0.0,0.12797692066588465,0.0,0.0,0.09543552583018093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461188748415115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290472166529515,0.0,0.0,0.22326814039161572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821180667914923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285311639965012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176358399114992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059143535154833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621815928060964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19582287848032767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256520002469386,0.1485617205704222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115141323135735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459623307363315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174683302955345,0.10227209831595617,0.0,0.0,0.12080168390887742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613710211041382,0.12629227427321638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851691282972407,0.0,0.0,0.08425437881259458,0.0,0.1369614098678206,0.4142045581336412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522505610976606,0.11469093099447558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,choxxho,2020/04/01,"Afraid of loosing him.... Did anyone else find someone who is way too good for you, and you think that he might leave you?? I met my current boyfriend after being with people who invalidated my bpd and my other mental issues... made me feel like I was crazy, kept telling me that they couldn’t help me, to go see a psychiatrist(even though I was already on pills). My current bf is wayyyy too good to me. Helping me through my splitting,understanding my fp issues, helping me calm down after going into extreme rage because of the assumption of being abandonment.... I need help to stop feeling like he’s going to leave me, or desert me now... how do I not feel this feeling that he’s going to leave me? How do you stop feeling like your SO is gonna leave you??",4.888163265306126,5.865855809523811,5.234156462585037,83.71858163265307,69.1360544217687,7.240544217687075,28.985714285714288,7.1686216300943375,1.5356971428571429,592,21,115,5,10,188,89,147,0.094,0.7140000000000001,0.192,0.9399,2,0,0,1,0,0,29.0,0,6,1,0,7,9,1,1,2,0,12,1,0,3,0,23,28,7,0,2,2,0,5,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,4,7,0,0,4,2,3,0,0,6,6,28,6,16,17,0,15,0,1,1,0,20,3,0,2,10,76,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251062344164333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396232087039784,0.1230355538052593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319929851836914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512358230661469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031094526869563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793113229223121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30357880796458897,0.2573542800826281,0.0,0.0,0.10975041239367407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729756013350901,0.2014338369443973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219468101865883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25066342901997923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.508587061156323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599421418849492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362204846588092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210118101029815,0.12738528623071538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903736673455823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324794885325207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568774920536582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174290097994926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20078354006461888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495470382066717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076942042294386,0.11797741825453716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500690869703612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953134525663903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CelestialDesolation,2020/04/01,"I feel like I dont get any love from my mother anymore. My mom is very toxic (recently realizing this) and coping with her with my mental issues have been very hard on me for years. She gaslights me, stops speaking to me for weeks -even for months sometimes- because of little reasons, tells me I have to change my character constantly, refuses to spend time with me when I want to etc. Couple days ago I was having a hard time coping with my suicidal thoughts, the lockdown because of the current virus has made me feel very lonely. So I went to hug her. Im hugging her at this point, waiting for her to hug me back (I dont know why I was expecting that tbh) and she doesnt flinch, keeps on doing her nails, and asks me ""What happened"" in a cold tone. I started crying and told her I feel lonely, and she distances herself from me, and in the same cold tone says: ""You know why."" I ask her what she means by that and she says ""You have to change your character."" This response really made a deep cut into my chest and I ran to my room and looked for every way to end my life. (couldnt find anything) She then accused me of smoking her cigarettes (I have traumas from my dad about this I dont smoke) when I told her I hid her cigarettes so she wouldnt harm herself anymore. She now keeps telling me Im a liar and that I smoke or just unreasonably accuses me of lying everytime we have an argument, even though it isnt about lying at all! How can I cope with this?",3.144647473560518,4.5455564729729785,4.019670975323148,89.16563454759104,73.79729729729729,7.1748531139835485,25.707403055229143,7.7425588080867325,1.2379399529964743,1140,38,243,15,23,366,153,296,0.15,0.7959999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9789,1,5,4,0,0,1,39.0,1,3,0,0,13,11,2,0,8,0,20,6,1,4,1,43,44,18,1,4,2,3,5,1,0,1,1,3,1,0,11,17,0,5,10,0,1,2,7,6,0,0,10,11,63,5,36,32,3,32,0,2,1,4,38,11,0,1,19,164,74,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998426563827283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903164292946443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013452594666484,0.0,0.0,0.0835357289581953,0.0,0.1898000390938352,0.0,0.0,0.07805646422577456,0.0,0.1237615494678634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21477247799743224,0.0,0.0,0.109698412275689,0.0,0.0,0.11232110035877801,0.1115061684887375,0.06546684395652297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569139339369792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990950416188022,0.0,0.11321271665821245,0.1340954409931702,0.0,0.08552824057364737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539825561984425,0.07252019511548496,0.0,0.0,0.09278013155528753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05303583173307476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976672886724596,0.0,0.18186963111939372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21930076523937087,0.10595215732380082,0.0,0.18045706464675249,0.0,0.0,0.1115766839907182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170092967596392,0.049593637020718194,0.10174169501065253,0.0,0.0,0.0852445159385356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916185458607628,0.19210622309886305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057633036151784,0.0,0.0,0.10230022298982487,0.0,0.0,0.118889630853875,0.08102591218983528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596165426746167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503118838586065,0.1043712457248014,0.10023085631010938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614528381115072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039796646884093,0.0,0.07185071809306237,0.0,0.0,0.08486857978496957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103765504760303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745192961824374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973502739056726,0.08058919125813464,0.11838493039357803,0.0,0.0,0.1939981378393114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512741006321399,0.05987440936325111,0.08057550286351421,0.08142680557259348,0.0,0.0,0.09410264364249987,0.18319758677110948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537040163039631 bpd,darkstreetlights123,2020/04/01,"I abused women I really think I should just kill myself. I did it years ago, before I was on meds or had a therapist or even a diagnosis. Still did it tho. Can’t hide it without lying to people. Can’t tell people because who would want to get close to someone who’s done something like I have. Only way out is to end my life",0.7685714285714269,2.7570415507246397,3.132546583850935,90.16043478260872,82.76811594202898,5.681987577639752,18.55279503105589,6.868970318607317,0.13572298136645955,253,6,55,3,7,87,52,69,0.142,0.762,0.096,-0.6278,0,0,1,0,1,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,2,0,11,1,0,0,0,10,14,3,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,0,8,1,7,7,0,8,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,5,39,13,0,0.0,0.2701866795434717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20214113387908694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900930214085153,0.0,0.1940427799260934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333611303619439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20197318930009547,0.0,0.0,0.1506163566380576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913997504675275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522892692611736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610693505367614,0.11140741050057494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532978154525361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17343249347011416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161844309708475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460864081579085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932150983586176,0.17555410367838942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18211072596123226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19931448019067388,0.0,0.0,0.2647686539047769,0.0,0.1461169686202722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450219227971807,0.181005239040155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21981963090110712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199101610136368,0.0,0.0,0.14684841859818792 bpd,lilweeep,2020/04/01,"can’t stop splitting on my crush :-( i keep splitting between liking my crush or wanting nothing to do w him, how can i get this under control before it gets worse? he’s starting to notice and i feel really bad but i can’t help the way i feel",0.27470588235293997,2.5083755882352925,2.532843137254904,92.04279411764708,87.23529411764706,4.184313725490196,22.225490196078432,5.46131890053228,0.2052196078431372,189,7,39,1,6,64,40,51,0.205,0.6890000000000001,0.106,-0.2492,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,10,11,4,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,8,1,5,11,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,24,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398809255360784,0.0,0.0,0.2444685161951387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32222792209236223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905319073756485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30020156308107865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19256906769972454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553627005824541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035876185958432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756691405795211,0.32708944452469435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404976187335487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033502367662855,0.0,0.0,0.2401930871580019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945516542352038,0.2280429203732649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292780103179818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CoolCooter,2020/04/01,I’m Losing My Mind I have spent the last few months stuck. Stuck inside my head with my thoughts. Stuck inside my room with no way to vent. My mistakes and decisions and fuck ups haunt me every single second of every day. I can’t stop splitting and get ahold of my emotions. I am obsessing over everything someone says or does not say. I just want it all to stop. All the progress i made with therapy has been lost. I just don’t want to be me anymore.,1.2932608695652164,3.6078313695652175,2.363217391304349,94.50569565217394,83.13043478260869,5.419130434782609,21.156521739130433,6.742157984588678,0.3540008695652177,354,11,76,4,10,112,63,92,0.305,0.6679999999999999,0.027000000000000003,-0.9692,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,2,5,1,1,2,0,7,2,1,1,2,21,19,4,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,6,0,2,2,0,1,0,4,5,0,1,8,2,14,0,10,10,4,9,0,2,0,1,2,3,1,1,5,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986585733928462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918655109522673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529693548819025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253273221891353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375479174859913,0.0,0.18003013278879965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18518791475523988,0.10465627746791724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055808977177164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632833946358222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22410115575443135,0.21866739695529352,0.0,0.0,0.1895428197405836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202260964794238,0.0,0.15988945720525385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185969272325583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697261807959524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349444835328092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290775674593464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902767026780856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363018583770133,0.159000658785596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ejacobs1,2020/04/01,"Stealing I really need some advice about my stealing. I have literally no impulse control (I.e. stealing, drug use) and I keep getting myself into trouble. My medications aren’t helping and my family doesn’t believe that I even have a mental illness. They say I use it as an excuse for my behavior but I don’t know how to help it. I could really use some advice or support. It’s ruining my life and all of my relationship :(",2.9945121951219487,5.405680097560975,5.387987804878048,74.68978658536588,77.29268292682926,8.002439024390245,29.76219512195122,8.841846274778883,2.984287804878049,336,16,57,8,8,118,57,82,0.214,0.674,0.113,-0.7814,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,3,6,0,0,2,0,6,4,0,5,1,18,14,7,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,1,15,1,6,13,3,1,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,3,0,44,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3738877522735488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155385035841849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145680889946484,0.1527437997583628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22185644006958646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635707069221527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18034807215819812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995048735262944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25645931977283704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700432610206392,0.0,0.0,0.10513782453898797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351264349132462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927225933299382,0.19279337779743094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185239166603592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451134925158114,0.0,0.0,0.2053931010117866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521357290569898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21709394986267533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4956858329069197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gothtrashcan,2020/04/01,"One step closer! Sorry if this is the wrong sub ): For years, therapy had gotten me nowhere, it just felt like a dead end. But today, with my current therapist, she texted me and referred me to a place to get a psych eval. She knows I'm cluster b and believes I have ASPD. I emailed the place about insurance and I'm now waiting for a response. I am hopeful that this is going in the right direction. In one step closer to finally getting the proper help! I'm fucking ecstatic right now! I also found a tumblr group that's for cluster Bs and I've finally found people who understand me! People who are just like me! Im so happy right now!",0.931640625,3.4230176328125026,2.9253125000000004,88.33843750000004,87.515625,5.7,23.625,7.1686216300943375,1.2204906250000005,499,20,97,8,16,167,80,128,0.085,0.763,0.152,0.8751,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,1,0,9,0,6,1,0,0,0,17,21,8,1,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,6,0,0,3,0,2,0,2,5,1,12,4,10,16,0,21,0,0,0,1,7,9,1,2,11,59,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241407099136108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246317458614316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355790689764408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697606395215534,0.3353724941900463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356778067834983,0.0,0.1415154272921952,0.1599508028831972,0.0,0.08699608479252627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295124887253878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260298671636428,0.0,0.0,0.15203807489490045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653473337114728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412605027663947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14956948538651374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20745524591862555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21224594672404348,0.0,0.3198617167951128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921757971635851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713549983694874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750546728975942,0.1777319441008508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450972592476971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935653700140395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673635490972014,0.0,0.09857532053238494 bpd,M3L0DY543770,2020/04/01,"So done with people. I'm so sick of people acting supportive and understanding- and then when I split they lose their minds and literally start blaming me for ""not trying hard enough"" or saying I'm being dramatic. When I have a rough day because lifes hella stressful right now, they tell me to get over it. I cant get over it. If ""getting over it"" was an option I WOULD'VE ALREADY DONE IT. Been dating the same guy for FOUR YEARS and he STILL says it. I don't know what to do anymore. He's either supportive, or tearing me down and then blaming me for it. My struggle is only valid when it's convenient for him to care about it. I havent seen my therapist because of all the crazy stuff going down right now, and I'm really struggling to stay sane. Hope you guys are having a better nogwht than me. Stay safe out there.",2.9799477351916366,4.834329085365859,3.944425087108016,87.64743902439025,75.21951219512195,6.636933797909408,23.29965156794425,7.447530270364453,0.9380797909407672,646,19,130,8,14,208,105,164,0.141,0.759,0.1,-0.8455,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,3,2,10,10,0,3,5,0,13,2,0,0,1,21,28,16,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,10,8,0,1,2,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,5,5,18,6,19,22,4,24,0,1,1,0,12,8,0,5,12,91,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508612701256369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557813408990246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667251062553556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209075915335959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938346468533575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816569679258256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27980059521792106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125646328481664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142737045408524,0.0,0.07769461206417384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707258899621637,0.0,0.0,0.12246399691804333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578242372762386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513143673445176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656128268158944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529418842875398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380366512136331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039730027614311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18955297278314454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757898946674107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23349668738349555,0.0,0.21743223150782048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967630061704094,0.29142622172576604,0.1091756142946548,0.0,0.15659916731935805,0.285834891094472,0.1564985677098254,0.0,0.3102704555864464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948928706851104,0.0,0.0,0.15872914834338994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281612288386998,0.0,0.0,0.14231840837138332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097113822372256,0.0,0.0,0.0880358157051591 bpd,TheUltimateTinyBear,2020/04/01,"DAE get scared of themselves when they rage? Also help please I'm new to knowing about BPD so I dont know if rage is the right term but that's what it feels like. A blood boiling, uncontrollable anger that comes from nowhere and is so strong I feel like I'm not even part of the decision making process. Idk. Maybe this isnt the same for others but I genuinely scare myself when I rage. I dont feel like me. I dont feel in control of me. And the things I am capable of doing in that state terrify me. I have made people cry in fear, I've had to be physically restrained, I've lost countless relationships as a result. I literally feel insane. Like I should be in a placed in a facility where I am locked away, wearing a straight jacket and dosed up on tranquilizers. And it terrifies me. To the point I am scared of myself. Anyway, I guess my main questions from this come down to: Does anyone else feel the same? If so, how do you defuse your rage so that you dont hurt people? Or how do you stop yourself getting into that state in the first place?",1.8009390298175347,3.935945271028043,3.051575433911882,91.33465732087228,79.93457943925233,6.132265242545617,21.405429461504227,7.2636822038024595,0.5428663106364038,824,24,179,11,21,266,123,214,0.252,0.622,0.125,-0.9875,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,4,1,4,13,18,5,5,12,0,18,4,2,6,0,35,36,19,0,3,6,0,6,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,7,1,3,10,0,0,2,6,12,0,1,3,6,25,6,25,30,5,27,0,2,0,0,8,17,0,5,10,119,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623153049937421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539717187490383,0.11048447328294006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130973874548713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358079818084332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857718184880386,0.0,0.0,0.12094039960669994,0.0,0.0,0.1184460796876623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436267042181527,0.0,0.5055033496794861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007804337653104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122063068301687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133861378360687,0.3271322182293946,0.2311011021013015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172005618221024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126733424149842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878678953389525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227610769503319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543413603566262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852098392731132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21072096592217848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770907148732633,0.0,0.0,0.102031256736985,0.07197729425011948,0.0,0.10832962589783957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041427874512018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676927162322782,0.0,0.14951134849191092,0.0,0.2253185860418487,0.11836484732992862,0.10193410734466853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079416382878652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157689562749674,0.0,0.09208614374789932,0.0,0.0,0.3238696170274619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015062305906918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163739288320843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,guilhermersts,2020/04/01,"I'm destroying myself Guys I think there s no one so fucking wrong and broken like me Ive 23 y.o and never achieved anything in my life. High school I didn't fail because the teachers liked me. I started two colleges and stopped, and I'm doing another one, but I'm doing everything completely wrong. I dont even know how to drive. I live with my ex, we have become best friends, my parents don't help me financially, so I am supported by my ex girlfriend's parents. Guys, they are even paying for my college and I am not taking it seriously, college started distance classes due to the corona virus and I am not following, I have already failed several subjects... I don't think these good people deserve what Im doing with their money, but my ex girlfriend insists that I go to college so that we can support ourselves in the future, but I will probably be expelled from college before this. I've tried to work in several places and I haven't worked for more than three months. I can't do anything. I abandon everything. I feel stupid, lazy, ugly, weak, blood-sucking and all that is bad. I just don't kill myself because I don't want to bring suffering to my ex, cats and my few friends. Medicines do not help much, therapy does not help, I am hopeless. I do not know what to do.",3.7163833992094872,5.3564440671936815,4.6415237154150235,84.3161986166008,72.75494071146245,7.2734387351778675,31.62233201581028,7.908726449838941,2.26411162055336,1011,48,194,14,20,328,141,253,0.21100000000000002,0.65,0.14,-0.9594,2,0,0,0,0,2,35.0,2,0,2,6,8,22,4,0,3,0,27,3,0,1,2,33,45,16,1,1,9,6,1,2,4,1,2,0,0,2,8,13,0,2,5,0,2,4,15,14,0,4,1,1,38,8,17,42,5,16,0,5,0,1,19,5,1,0,9,128,46,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713095530524532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208018916723264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18960686274607136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619088851686527,0.1404551047548628,0.1272342438449085,0.09803048631173167,0.0,0.12089994369611418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078965495682922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081617467604442,0.0,0.13501873615064294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521828814589614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070766298753678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05825082225797909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17801331656746006,0.10650464088183953,0.0,0.0,0.06547333351736329,0.09662801161304634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22814099992721576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316573068263605,0.1217198074300259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444055559645208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745663490455122,0.0,0.12662668579618827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137229722769099,0.11256613241947756,0.0,0.10172762398186433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195507840209087,0.0,0.08468851301429169,0.0,0.08885275998400917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613100909483307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558417761266224,0.0,0.0,0.07986824746603795,0.0,0.12036411128792522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242098625826902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659303552079085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602964327444899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308457965926942,0.0,0.0,0.0963160635540492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26146524809746685,0.0,0.0,0.08661939539576646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174630800605588,0.0,0.0,0.1476366963789839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821624702038228,0.0,0.11253799007568943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795055875924268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16774039695511792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25191592230440346,0.0,0.0 bpd,BPDStoner,2020/04/01,"I'm doing good I have to say since i stopped drinking things have been 100x better. I still smoke cannabis but in a healthy way, not to just YEET my mind to somehwere else. I feel healthier and happier, I even quit dipping. I was doing a can a day. I started seeing a therapist and i was in the process of doing emdr therapy before all this covid stuff happened. A lot has happened lately, totalled a car (not my fault) got the covid; I was in bed for a month lol. A lot of other stuff has happened but i'm trying my hardest to not let it get me down. For once in my life I'm not suicidal.",1.156463414634146,3.1111040975609785,2.9896138211382137,91.88490853658541,81.1951219512195,5.726016260162603,24.88414634146341,6.816661863887847,0.8914829268292683,456,18,99,5,12,152,75,123,0.012,0.813,0.175,0.9647,0,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,10,1,13,2,0,0,2,16,24,4,1,0,7,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,6,2,1,1,1,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,5,3,14,2,13,18,4,13,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,2,6,71,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399446878521231,0.0,0.0,0.14545289898118866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060641108347138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16110973312399995,0.0,0.0,0.13738654334591607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862531975250586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315671425009365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592438546272077,0.0,0.0,0.13794256696797388,0.13153494603104735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43629848505458413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18551982096264066,0.0,0.0,0.1681731038846839,0.11616407470557046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796387011145717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660593088490993,0.0,0.13127166076149596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514621079901488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749251298559893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307864460933111,0.0,0.0,0.1310545830134722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604431501415176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640674984175747,0.0,0.1313392268904569,0.1374972414841891,0.0,0.0,0.3765383144444305,0.1798942707489757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18807614491422456,0.19095256539740088,0.10926096320051258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165861443780277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054194382662074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,acole1982,2020/04/01,"Just needing some advice 😔 Just looking for some advice and insight as to what happened today, I am a complete wreck. My exbf (20 years ago)w/ BPD and I recently started talking heavily again last summer. (We live in different countries) we did remain in contact over the years prior though. He was diagnosed w/ bpd in august. He told me that i was the only one that supported him and the first person to know. I was flying to see him this summer after we started to get very close again. Well in feb he split me, hated me. Said he never wanted a relationship, that we were just “friends”.(dont know where this came from) He then said “we could never be sexual again, the thought of me touching him made him uncomfortable and we couldnt see each other”. We remained in contact after that though but it was rocky. He later told me it was because he felt smothered(there was something else i still dont know) 2 days ago everything was great again, yesterday we spent all day texting and talking on the phone. He said it will still take him some time to get over what i did in feb (i still dont know) He even said he was surprised i was still willing to be sexual and talk with him after everything that happened. This was the most he has ever opened up to me. He was telling me how he was feeling and things got very sexual again. Then we said goodnight and went to sleep. I did tell him i was not comfortable with something though afterwards and he opened that text this morning. When i texted him this morning, i received a huge amount of anger and i was back being this horrible person again. I remained calm and he actually told me he was angry, which he had never been able to do before. He could not tell me why though, just that it didnt matter and he wants what we have to stop now!that he did not want that from me. ...after a few min he seem to calm down and said we can be friendly and keep it to small talk. He said we need space and he cared about me. I told him that is fine, if that is what he needs it’s ok but he cannot treat someone the way he did. I also told him i will not allow him to hurt me like he did before either but i will still be here for him. A few min later he said “we shouldn’t speak to each again, that he will see me around”. I pushed him a little to see if i could understand what i did. He then said “im not talking anymore” and blocked me on whatsapp. I feel like my whole world is crushing down and i have no idea what just happened! I have read so much but i am still learning. I love him but i feel it is officially over now and i still have no idea what just happened.",2.557683259819364,4.29029114933838,3.359884057971016,91.91180676328504,76.06994328922495,6.214509556815796,22.719638731358966,6.937597516519254,0.5366536525939929,2034,58,438,20,45,644,217,529,0.094,0.821,0.085,-0.568,1,0,2,0,0,0,55.0,13,0,0,1,38,18,2,0,13,1,57,3,1,3,5,101,112,37,0,13,19,0,5,2,2,6,1,10,0,2,34,40,0,3,15,1,1,4,16,3,1,2,47,20,71,15,44,50,13,80,0,1,5,1,90,24,0,7,53,306,105,2,0.05668786345800075,0.0,0.05531917741239566,0.0,0.0,0.11078944818096363,0.10050074121111606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04533326392660223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056219128067029486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05046421700259908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043589467866217285,0.0,0.03455639540627144,0.0,0.0964743930886569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279275914523112,0.0,0.0,0.06483581397681383,0.05779705484348292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05943614630397793,0.0,0.0,0.13578193871334646,0.0,0.0,0.07311796452095068,0.0,0.0,0.0575369881397193,0.0,0.059226751916910986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993132613507997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04735543589139752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03744179917803615,0.05127741793919309,0.0,0.0,0.10189479284302884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598926113224678,0.04049782098116643,0.05442923876378914,0.0,0.0,0.04821866769836696,0.0,0.0,0.04379690268732609,0.0,0.059234137903048975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04533846294224314,0.06249856958818412,0.0,0.0,0.20051556176546398,0.0,0.0,0.055967529040154486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06068553027806894,0.12798739554725524,0.0612326202208499,0.0,0.0,0.050386777691463235,0.0,0.0,0.12461666896324833,0.04620817474661865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05538965334198722,0.05681613162099785,0.05005642200321803,0.0,0.04760352810148278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051163010012802636,0.05363942705915697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041672102230797786,0.12609999739439348,0.13116352498422024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03841316337257879,0.04311367461276964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899531163740433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05670320399892916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05597242628997138,0.06086155051322505,0.0,0.0,0.4853082558480354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806915510944122,0.05160650184490912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05672880275503606,0.0,0.048031442748894,0.08728217361679985,0.0,0.0,0.0802479230528098,0.0,0.3168970068898048,0.04739359216538636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432871567056453,0.0,0.0,0.042622218428762966,0.22781778674718856,0.14864307384304787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03766089758330048,0.0,0.22278215210992885,0.04500383148985815,0.033055149054082286,0.0,0.05373346622028997,0.2708384141956933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05901406506465925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354684837236596,0.10030791179827908,0.04499618741010939,0.0,0.0,0.05096919718745732,0.05255021735696794,0.051151979537724115,0.06328997511054396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301025096468497 bpd,garnetspurplemorty,2020/04/01,"Can you overcome BPD without medication? I've been reading a lot of posts on here. And most mention medication to help along with therapy. I'm in the UK and they wont give me anything other than short term medication (benzodiazepines).. or longer term antidepressants which just dont work for me, i've tried multiple which has resulted in many suicide attempts, I will not try them again. So, can you get better without medication? It feels impossible.",5.521640211640212,8.06530469135803,6.112980599647268,71.84555555555556,69.98765432098766,9.566843033509699,33.79365079365079,9.957137785484203,3.8682613756613753,364,18,61,10,7,118,65,81,0.055,0.872,0.073,0.1179,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,2,2,3,4,1,0,0,2,0,7,4,0,1,0,13,11,4,1,0,5,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,7,1,11,8,4,8,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,3,3,41,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946051230189396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988367060643934,0.0,0.0,0.2134432803689989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19861920440232667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568982574205537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885418054776671,0.1625723976252193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359309897183802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407851359528295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17181738769305369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6828983758555741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230674334114584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951724921365774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18537419198782853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19380530158356166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23011989591120466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267287405722668,0.0,0.12337718874876805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,idontknowwht_todo,2020/04/01,"I want to talk about my friends (who I love) I wanted to say this because it feels important. And im hoping that someone here can relate. I remember walking into school the first day of sophomore year, brand new school, almost no one i knew, no friendgroup to huddle around, just a scared kid walking in with no expectations. i remember someone recognizing me from facebook, my friend taylor, she immediately came up to me and said hi, and told me to follow her to meet her little friendgroup. they were all older than me by a grade. there was zach and vini and aj and casen and sara and brooke. zach and vini were total nerd metalheads, they were hilarious, they loved metallica and rush and star wars. they could just talk all day about that stuff, and it was so funny everytime, they made everyone laugh. there was casen their only friend who had a car, kind of an asshole, but loveable. there was aj, zachs girlfriend, who happened to be bpd herself. we used to walk to arctic circle or the grocery store together sometimes and she would buy me food, she was always so caring towards me. there was sara the vegan wiccan, she would always go off on some tirade about feminism and we'd get a little uppity but she always shine a light on the group. there was brooke, really short girl who loved cosplay and adventure time and tumblr. ahh come to think of it i think we all had tumblrs back then. even when we pretended to be cynical about it, i think we all secretly loved it. i can tell you almost everything about that first day, all of us piling in the back of casen's car in the morning, me in the back next to taylor being quiet and shy and scared and not knowing any of these people, just knowing they were older than me and funny, and laughing at all their jokes, and smiling so wide and laughing when they cranked panic at the disco and sang so loud, with the sun shining so bright and warm our faces. i wish there was a word to describe how all of that felt. i feel like i could sit here for hours and days and years to try and describe it, and never come close. but i remember feeling it. they were my friends, and i loved them so much. i was in love with them, i felt it all so strongly. none of them talk to me anymore. slowly, after they all graduated, many of us just grew apart. i became a bpd psycho-freak in those years, and drove them all away. they don't talk to me anymore now. somewhere along the line i lost that sweet, innocent kid that just loved everyone and loved life. but i still remember the feeling. sometimes, i make myself go back to that place, and i try to make myself remember everything, every detail, so i never forget it. anyway im sorry if any of this sounds stupid or if this isn't the right place for this. i was just hoping maybe someone could relate, or share their feelings. thank u.",5.047467449201021,6.0106193740875895,5.173077530084832,84.3538518445453,68.76277372262774,7.9681199447622815,26.67212467942395,8.098718942377014,1.5387215821661082,2219,65,434,28,37,696,256,548,0.054000000000000006,0.743,0.203,0.9984,0,0,0,0,0,0,71.0,8,1,17,4,39,36,3,3,20,0,30,11,1,5,13,116,74,54,1,13,16,0,8,1,5,2,1,6,0,3,27,47,1,0,19,3,2,14,9,8,0,3,26,19,72,28,60,39,14,67,0,1,3,8,67,25,0,10,28,307,99,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233631429465406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376359173748924,0.0,0.0,0.08377760275158966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217747142964808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054835343797074186,0.0,0.0,0.0578734165052439,0.18946046116220824,0.0,0.037549613073218496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516123115629205,0.0,0.0,0.0704517846694941,0.06280333989205672,0.0,0.0,0.10612256984794312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475431450842908,0.0,0.0,0.15890264271977514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040684945734972534,0.0,0.05189903252152697,0.11771919540620485,0.11072075083204737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557291805663767,0.044005675079041684,0.11828761833644208,0.0,0.0,0.10479057747158343,0.07448463339652953,0.0,0.190362071087546,0.0,0.03218245035159967,0.0,0.07001520790523383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05447097180516239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223615688989312,0.0606616931185116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330729764907696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414491321715317,0.06770537909162411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043508540057857016,0.030093706632287557,0.12347490145331196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724157228107568,0.0,0.4447573207923843,0.05828558528343891,0.08223438300482673,0.0624507769989845,0.06188354285655679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04528167062326418,0.0,0.09501646134428827,0.0594918019611315,0.06551024858691676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041740447885281744,0.04684810961447496,0.0,0.07227206566663529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04270434733461628,0.0,0.12871374991037982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0394613023524681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3488930398128054,0.052604417082472585,0.05859387246746179,0.04898525936954514,0.12334083226168993,0.12468107523692235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657554001498356,0.0,0.12184413690527865,0.06895399870610815,0.0,0.0,0.0491923000188749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051505544569997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980407885251003,0.05383943013731636,0.056711228908785515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840867231093966,0.0,0.0,0.03591833125144455,0.0,0.0,0.05885959770310242,0.0,0.08364209522410966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818979294334922,0.053200956893912216,0.0,0.0,0.07266427785509796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083474305873287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751500629476439,0.0,0.0,0.11900141675099128 bpd,SeanSchram7326,2020/04/01,"Daily Help. Anyone? I'd like to share my story, experiences, and lessons I've learned. I'm an open book an we need all the help we can get. I want to do my part. Anybody?",-2.3657915057915058,-0.8983764594594561,0.5038610038610045,100.86459459459459,110.8918918918919,3.1953667953667955,16.096525096525095,5.288315135182226,-0.8942015444015445,129,4,32,1,7,44,29,37,0.0,0.7040000000000001,0.29600000000000004,0.8677,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,9,6,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,2,6,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,15,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897157381879742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.405303432873589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21647523216138653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5554459238593762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024252988398471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072274106099717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4486891866730071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24438810977206946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Irene-the-Addler,2020/04/01,"Tell me I'm not alone Anyone else trying really hard to go to college so that you can have a nice, stable career? But you constantly feel like giving up and just crawling in bed, wasting your life away? I was so, so unhappy working retail, I constantly was suicidal. So I know this is my ticket to having a meaningful and fulfilling career. And I do love learning in general. So then why does my brain just cause me to not want anything at all, have no interest or drive for anything, and just make me to want to sleep my life away, never accomplishing anything? I'm tired of being tired. I want to want things. I want to go places in my life. It'd be nice if I had the drive to back it up. I feel like I constantly fight myself.",3.4510018552875716,4.7046061224489835,4.8735188620902905,83.9239703153989,72.80952380952381,8.33865182436611,25.608534322820034,8.841846274778883,1.8151142857142848,568,18,116,11,11,190,87,147,0.18100000000000002,0.66,0.159,-0.1698,0,1,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,3,0,2,9,7,1,0,3,0,12,8,2,2,2,27,27,13,1,6,8,0,3,2,0,0,5,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,5,1,1,4,4,1,0,0,3,3,20,6,19,21,1,19,0,0,0,1,7,9,0,2,8,80,25,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209318786483715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917907652217212,0.13068001162906698,0.31486416379788545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23965644119954824,0.09807054475962614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423770484251201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101892270279142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4134769550933803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161129253423084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654347535171986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897631921239006,0.18222949531709756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234818585319568,0.14496807489233354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425097188313113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009276099024972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27025625498822603,0.12461940333769282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511001416437315,0.0,0.08513407694442772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983668684009837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325236827073814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170552092803228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763231262246108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395082832326668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147576039295874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473204475600501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29317740655892394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659142697263929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761325856645685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508519705251423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285078795403977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Sly_Wood,2020/04/02,"66 Year Old Father with Undiagnosed Condition My father is 66 years old and has suffered from an undiagnosed mental disorder where he cycles through family members, friends and attacks them viciously. Never physical but he is a severe alcoholic and drives daily under the influence. He is a danger to himself, and to others as well as property.",6.902372881355928,9.69583550847458,8.012,58.63766101694917,66.79661016949152,11.499661016949155,37.22372881355932,11.20814326018867,5.7352481355932206,281,15,35,10,5,95,45,59,0.225,0.708,0.068,-0.8705,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,2,6,3,0,4,0,4,1,0,1,1,8,4,7,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,3,2,8,4,0,8,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,0,5,28,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759936577578364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29379979388255634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959800337097508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434577155722612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995254395816014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602580375511311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19918044712266894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5419856517630609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917521069003031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322002436234293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326126169626902 bpd,OldMap,2020/04/02,"Do I have BPD? This is a new account. I'm worried... recently I've seen the BPD definition and started connecting the dots. I feel so ashamed and bad that this might be the case, it's the first time I've seen a definition of a mental illness that actually makes me feel bad, like it makes sense from all my behaviours in the past. What stands out/ makes me feel super ashamed is all the lying (also to myself) and manipulation I've done. Self-harm and substance abuse, trying to get my mom's attention. Impulsive behaviour. I'm very creative and sensitive. I'm a male. Is mental illness really a thing? Won't I be lying to myself getting a diagnosis? Aren't I just weak and couldn't this be fixed by will? Furthermore, where can I read more about this? Thanks in advance.",2.28471026490066,4.778221026490068,3.9542011589404,83.52216266556293,80.45695364238411,7.483609271523179,25.33153973509933,8.472884824447931,1.9814268211920527,609,24,119,14,16,203,91,151,0.214,0.69,0.096,-0.9655,0,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,0,0,0,3,5,8,0,2,12,0,15,3,0,4,2,20,30,8,0,1,1,1,3,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,10,7,0,0,4,1,1,1,3,5,0,1,3,5,11,3,10,20,3,12,0,0,2,0,2,4,0,1,7,72,21,1,0.0,0.19291185642774789,0.15888618165766555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020492249335294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718912610591655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4101253368215251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661860959343516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469759313847853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384922978535946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17013062079788208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954430031779625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32604540235498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281630527190688,0.17272340759711502,0.0,0.19068963418355106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724994662391928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554275199054603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286134379732753,0.0,0.10430492074672952,0.0,0.16076242466569884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985393543272329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524291101409327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990027911257064,0.0,0.0,0.10816856820199564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494006713395713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054224763688653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343413101860706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16534885435568122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,swizzaswitswoo,2020/04/02,"How do I be angry at someone? I have zero angry feelings besides my momentarily fleeting moments of rage where I fucking hate things and rahhh grrr fuck this shiiit... besides that I have learned to actually deal with my moments of rage throughoutmy day or whatever. I breath, I point to a place on my diaphragm to focus on... but I have realised that I just do not get angry at people. I will hurt myself, cut myself, eat myself to death but I JUST DONT GET ANGRY AT THE PEOPLE THAT HURT ME. I dont even hate the parents that did not treat me well. I have never learned to hate or be angry or stand up for myself. Any resources or personal experiences appreciated.",2.7378425480769235,5.218941570312502,4.659375000000002,79.19427884615384,78.609375,6.438461538461539,26.25240384615385,7.61054688173877,1.7582300480769235,523,21,92,8,13,178,74,128,0.359,0.5870000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.9937,1,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,0,0,6,12,8,0,3,0,12,4,1,1,1,17,20,8,1,0,10,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,5,10,1,1,1,1,21,2,15,16,0,14,0,2,0,2,3,9,2,4,4,74,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.15953417126067326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117289344238987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543191728211936,0.16854204705981446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3831977439314661,0.0,0.0,0.16728218821202834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797786015231124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991608593549544,0.0,0.0,0.08266105989359061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022716644200905,0.1708244688863697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4842118292739472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35002023649964303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260868607523039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18152664254270248,0.0,0.0,0.2266747054023585,0.14274556979607694,0.1708031685483571,0.0,0.15454267509369188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851717924645535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860971485701527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146989326549545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,loveless_hatemore,2020/04/02,"I can’t stand to be stable I don’t know why I can’t stay on my meds, I feel like shit so I take them to feel better...and, I do. But I feel empty without the chaos in my heart and mind. On the pills, I feel compliant and do what I’m told and don’t complain but when I’m not...I feel bold, I do things to make change happen, even though it usually is the wrong decision and things just get worse. So much worse that I feel like shit again so I take the pills and it starts over again.",-0.4284090909090885,1.2751676574074082,1.3502020202020188,102.86954545454546,85.3888888888889,5.0383838383838375,14.447811447811446,6.1124844417494595,-1.092937037037037,369,5,99,3,11,120,58,108,0.204,0.6890000000000001,0.107,-0.9153,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,9,7,2,0,4,0,9,5,3,1,0,19,25,12,0,0,4,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,8,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,6,14,3,8,23,1,11,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,7,58,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388002141650919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602115760466113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365704465848652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4761198915122794,0.2242351879542527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199439947753794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878106152038813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597403629436324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624983242987944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334540262842153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475831978641524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17432437986370894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846413370793694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536857354025765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221922364386213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108256983168023,0.1672766013936365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23599791121713834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20852723044147384,0.0,0.154192239671533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996239610187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284666205912838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161346793458135,0.0,0.0,0.1512840557674901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319869470269442,0.0,0.17158868171078182,0.0,0.0 bpd,giannakillz,2020/04/02,"Has anyone else lost there empathy and love for anyone and anything? I can get attached to someone or something but in the end I don’t genuinely care or love. The last time I felt something genuine like love was when I was 14. I miss feeling love and caring about things. I don’t know what to do, I can get obsessed and attached but there no genuine emotion behind it anymore.",3.7676126126126133,5.558003689189191,4.209189189189189,86.8518018018018,72.91891891891892,6.014414414414415,31.25225225225225,6.42735559955562,1.6892954954954955,299,14,56,2,6,94,47,74,0.08800000000000001,0.5579999999999999,0.354,0.9837,0,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,10,0,1,2,0,8,4,0,0,0,11,21,9,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,2,7,7,6,17,0,5,0,2,0,4,4,1,0,2,5,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226981445199094,0.24291874363774785,0.177982467869617,0.14294535233518962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35420997287211897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451091903200208,0.19539602707065526,0.153852081151215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783104356969121,0.0,0.1667851349708154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815085771806255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546435162747573,0.14159368818872856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486404567149683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896207712399931,0.0,0.6271062924492328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471806485569814,0.2674549458683387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540264073528905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128944702664687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,2TdsSwyqSjq,2020/04/02,"DAE feel like they can’t feel all the same feelings that other people can? Here’s my situation: I feel neutral most of the time. The most common emotion I feel other than “neutral/nothing” is anxiety. Other emotions that I have felt are: some version of love (I don’t think it’s the full thing) for myself and for my partner and others, fear, desire (this is rare and it’s kind of “on or off”), anticipation of a good thing (this only happened once to my knowledge), and shame. I don’t listen to music much or watch movies much or look at art much or read poetry, because mostly it doesn’t do that much for me. I have come to understand recently that for many people, certain music is so meaningful that it can heal them during a tough time, and a song can be a spiritual experience. I learned that people can personally identify with music that doesn’t even have lyrics. None of this makes any sense to me. Like at all. I feel like I’m missing a critical piece of the human experience, I feel like I’m only experiencing a tiny fraction of what there is to experience emotionally. I desperately want to experience all the emotions everyone else feels. I want to experience that depth and complexity. I feel that I need to do this in order to develop truly close intimate relationships with others, and to develop a deep and trusting relationship with myself, and to develop a relationship with nature and god, to find meaning. DAE have a similar experience and does anyone who used to experience this have a recovery story?",6.925156314273963,7.3373631363636385,8.011036610448379,67.59198477992601,64.4895104895105,11.20493624023036,33.956396544631836,10.966923227221727,3.9125794323323735,1211,49,211,32,17,413,141,286,0.057999999999999996,0.812,0.13,0.9542,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,2,0,4,13,0,2,16,0,22,2,0,2,4,54,48,16,0,4,4,0,10,4,1,0,1,2,0,3,27,17,0,0,18,3,0,1,6,4,0,0,1,15,22,9,34,46,16,15,0,1,2,1,11,9,0,8,8,155,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055430138174051714,0.0,0.062355537826009,0.0,0.0,0.05699424560330092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049688226272174785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021433553665779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133064914858438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809181299511909,0.3667547094968141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05383711373026922,0.0,0.0,0.07788706113317757,0.0,0.5581324121042183,0.0,0.09172230977868873,0.3709287800897877,0.17469399242465816,0.07826314925851784,0.0,0.07449939323001686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836739061409088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207973001060203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488095352482238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928823571074774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844854180685282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735666781327636,0.0,0.054409091008860884,0.08263915615716083,0.0,0.08878915538749843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396792629019747,0.060439224344139314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821180961744782,0.0,0.0,0.08680634028692694,0.0,0.12398527070884438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952797375278653,0.07117208532159434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153285658216394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048208008390784,0.2625362794026568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162155279774084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830430539596286,0.05222882848265677,0.0,0.0,0.09505920431513676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485561597785941,0.0,0.0703991590775225,0.0,0.0,0.09615436177539324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,curiouslittleflame,2020/04/02,"Clinging to things that don't want me My relationship ended, I not only lost a partner, but also my FP. I clung onto the corpse of what was our relationship until I admitted we were done. I started talking to a dear friend, who wanted our relationship to move forward into something greater. I thought I was cautious. I thought I kept my heart at bay, but now here i am clinging on to my phone hoping for a text, a call, a mention. I fell for some caring support and I'm clinging to things that don't want me. I don't have anyone to go to. No more FP.",2.7291052114060967,4.165307141592924,4.4482595870206465,85.53358898721733,74.92920353982299,6.438151425762046,28.484759095378564,6.937597516519254,1.428713667649951,429,18,88,4,9,145,71,113,0.10099999999999999,0.6809999999999999,0.218,0.9402,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,3,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,6,0,9,1,1,0,0,15,23,5,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,3,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,8,0,20,5,15,15,3,12,0,1,0,0,14,5,0,2,5,67,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121016249820809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346814246139068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18030690170865885,0.0,0.1800340588663584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18070162391222655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639658256990788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364244973714837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035391496070313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20924696518650346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538278964138634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19275683750457345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18767553206023446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429628644919805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5687392894396578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593914106405813,0.0,0.0,0.12498352504220735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20037975663629398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192751150077534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23462248278335385,0.0,0.0,0.2803680038575663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124526076001109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,partybots,2020/04/02,"Scared but excited to start therapy - any words of advice/motivation for a beginner? Before I get into anything else, I have not been diagnosed with BPD, although I suspect I have it. Over the years I've looked at the symptoms and felt like ""Yes, that's me...sometimes."" But then last night (while kind of having a breakdown) I discovered quiet BPD and suddenly I couldn't stop crying because of how closely I related to what I was reading. I've been depressed for years and was put on mood stabilizers last summer by my psychiatrist and kind of ""informally"" diagnosed with bipolar 2 by a therapist, but I never really agreed with that opinion. I emailed a therapist today inquiring about starting teletherapy as a new client and I keep checking my email every 5 minutes to see if she's emailed me back. Of course I don't *want* to be diagnosed with a serious mental health issue. Seeing some of the related searches when I google BPD are so hurtful. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, I don't have to give any examples. The stigma behind this is terrifying, but I'm losing hope that any sort of therapy or medication will ever make me actual feel **good**, not just ""okay."" Anyway, I'm excited to potentially be able to start a course of therapy that is actually going to work for me. But I'm also very nervous and scared about approaching a new therapist with this. I don't want to be written off or not taken seriously for self-diagnosing. I've had bad therapy experiences in the past, because it's very hard for me to describe and talk about my emotions and I convince myself my feelings or experiences aren't ""bad enough"" so I don't deserve to get help (also quiet BPD symptoms), so I feel like when I've brought up issues in the past to therapists they've just waved me off and said, ""No, that doesn't sound like you"" based on previous things I had shared. Anyway, this turned into more of a vent, but I'm really just looking for some words of wisdom or encouragement, especially for my first few sessions so that I can really do my best to accurately describe how I feel. TL;DR - I'm probably starting therapy soon, suspect I have quiet BPD, and I am nervous because of previous bad therapy experiences. Any advice or motivation or stories about your own experiences are appreciated!!",5.660038491147034,6.958709572748269,6.9623256351039275,70.85352694380293,67.59122401847574,10.484649730561973,34.06381832178599,10.577609850970193,3.977006220169361,1827,85,316,51,30,621,208,433,0.127,0.737,0.136,0.589,0,0,0,0,0,0,63.0,0,3,0,5,23,29,0,4,15,2,29,8,0,4,3,66,64,37,0,5,19,0,6,3,0,1,8,5,0,0,14,18,0,2,11,1,1,4,12,12,0,1,11,15,39,16,56,48,7,43,0,3,4,0,15,12,0,12,30,210,53,4,0.06195121479977605,0.0,0.120910898148819,0.0,0.0,0.06053801010592541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908472818604697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851580184609516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050980571194619136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047636660160753234,0.15518002996152624,0.1132946565946702,0.0,0.05271592087203527,0.0,0.06501397784614632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901269316761654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805050045261604,0.0,0.0,0.05335849052904281,0.2515167158357836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051752290558958,0.06968677824419911,0.0,0.06401216549175033,0.0,0.0,0.05603842056037996,0.05219657040279622,0.0,0.0,0.2424007023211446,0.0,0.0,0.12529758251398693,0.04425796023139803,0.0594828814556053,0.0,0.0,0.05269567166089676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473390558157335,0.0594292502918037,0.03520830303701804,0.051961739718574235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05549612000190584,0.0,0.0,0.06585124436275434,0.0,0.0,0.04152459340472794,0.0,0.0,0.06153153474470345,0.0,0.0,0.06632005674866111,0.0,0.0,0.129321945640114,0.0,0.05506508620041918,0.0,0.12902531380836926,0.034046767489722636,0.10099701716062236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079870282331867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404683523933056,0.0693075628539147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0413529169379173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240933131241995,0.06243225343694723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04778059602483501,0.11966573859215544,0.0,0.058137018399206236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827888890491176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679388763423759,0.0,0.0,0.06227808191411858,0.0,0.0,0.06196797967832726,0.0,0.11906260365676047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058929791960028385,0.0,0.12404794698275735,0.0,0.09873419468920508,0.0,0.06462862809407585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061271335525439174,0.0,0.1753975547857366,0.0,0.0,0.05179398956438255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838828678627717,0.12878206574691292,0.0,0.09958807957150276,0.0,0.0,0.4250796793527002,0.2877205410880141,0.04115763434026765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05872250786477419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738513196299795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022324805317846,0.07308086317907289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045101222209644166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978910236138709 bpd,Doglo123,2020/04/02,My girlfriend has BPD My girlfriend has BPD and as someone who doesn't know alot about it I want to learn more we've been dating for a year now and I really love her and I really want to make things work with her we have been having a little bit of a rough week partially because of BPD and I think me knowing more about it could help me understand it more and make our relationship better and thanks for any help,5.41129411764706,5.3555993058823566,5.616470588235295,85.07411764705884,67.70588235294119,9.15294117647059,26.411764705882355,8.841846274778883,1.5949294117647064,331,8,71,5,5,105,54,85,0.0,0.79,0.21,0.9459,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,2,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,4,0,8,1,0,2,0,19,18,7,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,12,3,10,15,5,5,0,0,0,1,11,1,0,1,4,49,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173106208225198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515861701905964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256835173430636,0.1883328772709301,0.0,0.6517992789255029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377327382615345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23125550379709855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18961058310090567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289725260386052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569423003251665,0.0,0.23029941670347084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210246999384501,0.0,0.0,0.185207872706679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461645531462802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588211945052683,0.0,0.0,0.11460593210012815,0.11053546853689022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17958578705654324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20349810132612972,0.0,0.13837464542276492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558709199508522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108880034211216 bpd,wedontdothose,2020/04/02,Does anybody else feel like their medications just blunt their happiness as well? I dont have the full highs of bpd so i believe its like bpd 2 or something. I forget now but I take ssri's for it and I feel like it blunts not only the deprressive episodes but also the happy ones. Idk if anyone else expiriences that?,1.9847619047619043,4.5244554126984164,3.0914285714285725,88.92857142857146,82.17460317460319,6.139682539682537,21.698412698412696,7.447530270364453,0.9101174603174598,253,8,50,4,7,81,49,63,0.046,0.711,0.242,0.9179,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,5,8,0,1,6,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,7,6,3,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,4,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697876963942566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851196647316945,0.18831710226347392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070711724844904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46296035702536603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608380266263473,0.0,0.21540340277573525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070700452685442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18586198755191768,0.2626027506215651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913009979413854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19418683253250066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693751473137012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18515157478345848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454253237977801,0.13978245333226266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414924205592436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818906210029794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525150062547542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,loserchimeracantslee,2020/04/02,"Splitting in BPD When I don’t have the “kill switch” turned on, and I’m not actively fantasizing about being killing myself it feels like there’s another ME that is the one who wants to kill me. We share a body and a mind and sometimes she’s asleep, but even when she is there isn’t any peace or rest from suicidal ideation because I’m in constant anxiety about her being woken up. About being suddenly overwhelmed by fear or guilt or shame like a great whelm of the ocean. That feeling of not having control, of being absolutely helpless to her temper tantrums is one of the reasons fantasizing about suicide feels so good. If I kill me then I kill her and she can’t destroy or control me any longer.",5.50242497972425,6.375770759124091,5.505790754257909,82.70123276561235,67.68613138686132,8.424655312246554,32.010543390105425,8.515128840125781,2.3758489862124903,562,23,109,8,9,176,84,137,0.34299999999999997,0.529,0.129,-0.9929,0,0,0,0,0,4,8.0,1,0,0,2,10,18,8,4,7,0,12,2,2,3,0,21,20,14,7,2,8,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,4,0,0,0,5,13,0,2,1,3,15,5,16,15,1,9,0,2,0,0,9,4,0,5,7,76,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255889674479954,0.13303965049726554,0.09705913757059484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734190991739423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092968257011054,0.1597948018713542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371069569957281,0.2846025238878112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379983575044092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276980992358893,0.1924556543054993,0.0906396279285452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641685088935028,0.0,0.13988029371194427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7018427413063256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396957288994913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810772698383927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194776169651982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044877863152313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548276119537366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775616288275505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800372310671946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483424690852325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dead-man-here,2020/04/02,"How do I handle escapism? My excessive escapism is killing me. I don’t do anything any more,just sit in front of my pc playing games or scrolling through social media. I can’t even take out 20 minutes for meditation. I don’t even have a normal conversation for days ,recently I have started smoking weed. I think i might also be addicted to porn. I basically reaching out for every bit of gratification I can get. Fuck fuck fuck. I don’t think i can recover from this now. I don’t even have the will to think there is a future where i can be better again. :(",2.7478378378378387,4.788221126126128,4.472333333333335,82.7685,76.47747747747748,7.322882882882882,28.21711711711712,8.238735603445708,2.032631711711712,439,19,87,8,10,148,70,111,0.163,0.753,0.084,-0.8934,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,9,6,4,0,3,0,19,5,0,1,0,9,28,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,0,1,5,4,0,0,0,0,16,2,12,24,1,12,0,0,0,4,3,4,3,2,6,61,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20585838323054573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101154546200818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841450008202127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539538707074926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700950416023974,0.20615927282785707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178316612302907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741718642567529,0.0,0.15910191022662054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5237256601886638,0.09865866622059018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089183147579746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20032444410875688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18501853021272305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18645210746334268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19249383870486067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365861875665527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419806675814882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629941645685647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,-zbee-,2020/04/02,"BPD and extra time in exams Hello, I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder including traits of dissociation (depersonalisation/derealisation) with traits of OCD. I am 18 years old and was wondering, is it viable to get extra time in exams with having a diagnosis of BPD?, I dissociate on a daily basis and get extremely anxious during exam period. I feel like if I don't score a certain grade then I have disappointed my family and ruined my future. I find myself blankly staring at a question, bare in mind I study and prepare myself for everything I need to succeed in the exam, because of this, I end up getting a grade that is a few marks off the next grade e.g 1 mark off from an A. Sometimes, I find it difficult to finish the exam because I spent too much time overthinking one question whilst also zoning out. When an exam goes badly for me, I spend months crying over it until results day. Results day is the worst day for me as I numb myself and expect the worst outcome. I have studied GCSEs and I am currently doing my A-Levels. People around me also describe me as a slow person as in, I think slowly and take longer to grasp things.",6.2733701298701305,7.091923077272733,7.755844155844157,67.44590909090911,65.95454545454545,9.74025974025974,31.168831168831172,9.784248007369934,3.1687467532467526,927,34,152,19,14,321,134,220,0.149,0.825,0.026000000000000002,-0.9767,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,1,5,10,0,0,15,0,13,2,0,2,1,28,22,17,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,6,13,0,0,8,0,2,0,1,7,0,1,3,2,27,3,32,19,6,33,0,2,1,0,5,13,0,4,21,114,33,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244739220968928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585543032237268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494027271522733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718546539002166,0.17111076808711473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35352904154732245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416667146296106,0.27154028052667656,0.0,0.0,0.14245117464160967,0.0,0.0,0.16085199353511834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430746368011318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613653755307386,0.0,0.1323084479735767,0.0,0.07096461859228874,0.10026527900945714,0.0,0.0,0.25655269575905176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21997951568169055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856738105926978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171237551226526,0.0,0.11202514940524344,0.0,0.10317258696522637,0.10406692768087893,0.0,0.0,0.14926264261934705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472725566330097,0.0,0.09510404386889412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730025258631517,0.24509448413455398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144457666938789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388086463908453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552490280277932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324156985365424,0.08992990521541533,0.0,0.0,0.2455157089178749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522023903189121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038008720183968 bpd,77buzzbee77,2020/04/02,Honest opinions about Betterhelp Online therapy service. Is it worth it?,7.0109090909090925,10.891605090909092,6.936818181818182,55.12522727272727,89.0,9.472727272727274,41.86363636363637,8.841846274778883,6.792781818181819,60,4,5,2,2,19,10,11,0.0,0.634,0.366,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,angrygemini,2020/04/02,"my first post! Hello!! I’ve been on reddit for a while but never got around to making an account until I became aware of this community. I’ll give a little background about myself: I’m in my 20’s, college drop out, currently furloughed from my job and dealing with the emotional stress of isolation. Reading (and upvoting!!) all of the various threads I’ve been finding about BPD has been very enlightening and validating! I had heard of BPD previously (outdated high school health class curriculum) but I first became familiar with the disorder during treatment at an impatient facility about a year and a half ago. A nurse simply blurted out “you’re borderline” which, needless to say, freaked me out as someone who had a very stigmatized understanding of BPD. There was a long talk with the attending overlooking my case, and an informational video. My memory of the entire experience is pretty terrible but essentially I gathered it takes a lot longer than 6 days to diagnose someone with BPD (not to mention, you can assume someone’s behavior during a crisis is atypical). However, that experience stuck with me. I’ve ended up doing a lot of research on borderline personality disorder. I understand the repercussions of self diagnosis, but I also resonate with so many anecdotal descriptions on Reddit and elsewhere. And the research certainly aligns with my symptoms. So, FINALLY getting to the main point of my post. In the past few years, I’ve worked with 7 different therapists. I made a point to mention BPD with the first few therapists I saw after being discharged from the hospital, but each came off as relatively dismissive and I couldn’t discuss it further with them. Eventually I just stopped trying to discuss it with people. However, it’s consistently felt like something in my treatment is missing. I feel like there’s been a obvious lack of awareness in my own symptoms and behaviors and the motivations behind them! and despite making progress in therapy, I want to understand myself more and explore BPD as a possible diagnosis. I honestly don’t know what else fits! I managed to get a psychiatrist to listen to me last summer when I described feelings of depression & euphoria that did not align with bipolar disorder. She changed my medication and hinted at “hypomania” but otherwise did not discuss it further with me. SO, I’m curious. Are mental health professionals hesitant to discuss this disorder because it is so stigmatized? Am I just kidding myself, and they don’t think I fit the criteria?? How do I encourage discussion of this with future therapists? I think it is possible I’ve been dismissed simply because they weren’t familiar enough with the disorder. Where do I go from here? I’ve just been feeling so confused. Validated by this subreddit and other information I’ve found, but also filled with self doubt, especially after feeling dismissed by several therapists. Conveniently, I’ve done some DBT work and have literature from previous treatment so I’m learning about emotional regulation regardless of a diagnosis :-) I want to be respectful to this community so please let me know if I’ve violated the rules in any way, but to be clear I am NOT seeking a diagnosis on Reddit. Also I’m not sure how the flair thing works, but anecdotal accounts and advice are more than welcome!! Thank you <3",7.108119725842878,9.137226265758096,7.8460488887128115,63.12455528703303,64.87734241908007,11.865916564319955,39.37518323362783,11.57555815409259,5.614237621330375,2706,151,400,94,43,901,294,587,0.12300000000000001,0.747,0.131,0.6078,6,1,1,0,0,0,72.0,0,2,4,8,25,17,1,3,35,0,35,7,0,6,6,100,70,45,0,6,18,0,5,2,0,0,7,3,0,4,19,39,0,1,21,2,2,5,10,8,0,4,21,9,47,9,82,44,14,58,0,2,1,0,31,27,0,7,24,290,66,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06204514070996034,0.056283181587056884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523272541933879,0.0,0.0687952110549609,0.0,0.04317777632225718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056522701324948486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741013067991938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4798072548781756,0.0,0.0,0.07261968115709838,0.0,0.0,0.0671677336770433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04094807286807818,0.06545903937109558,0.05468688262387246,0.06444459438637404,0.0,0.06633722284592199,0.3638454195161991,0.0,0.0,0.06497592362066484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05304069532802522,0.14284334599765558,0.05623641992576337,0.0656057873084298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242177076632764,0.0,0.0,0.12841694208474258,0.04535978908603315,0.0609637439897564,0.06955405637908367,0.058031934304926175,0.1620226874298694,0.0,0.06961737620914157,0.0,0.0,0.06634549555702826,0.060908777645492886,0.03608483516832495,0.0,0.05078157458154296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349813023343219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708439836300581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300752932266614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069788764973376,0.05175569968398868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492643419273426,0.0,0.06203946119247888,0.06363719539901361,0.0,0.056189774250520234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079598539021224,0.0,0.06007911139788296,0.08476484594359827,0.06437247168336173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639630495967462,0.06398654238151362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04897012304136657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060611756913403377,0.04401841773079511,0.05544009958544502,0.0,0.06969682698959108,0.12004381375387273,0.14315882547231668,0.1216184971734263,0.06459574430598068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351071024512335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050492601905008316,0.0,0.0642588400883338,0.0,0.0,0.13247519424481866,0.07172961391981801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139358067691448,0.04888041986345085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053083432455567146,0.07273162179571095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05984189871998283,0.1319881736483521,0.04773923118497224,0.051033692710060065,0.0,0.058456309953017926,0.07261038277779365,0.29488351906044,0.04218227869503519,0.08136817796544378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043107937683774515,0.0,0.0,0.1982970055860977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477762035164756,0.07490025574374012,0.05039820714174623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867213375326973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177550062302325 bpd,SparklyChipmunk,2020/04/02,"Sorry for posting this here, but I need to vent.. makeup rant 🤦‍♀️ Oh god, I know this will sound shallow and stupid, but I'm so disappointed and sad and maybe someone can help somehow. So.. I've been struggling lately a lot, my therapist saying that I spent over an year in a continuous depressive episode. Part of what I'm going through is intense self hatred, from a lot of reasons, some physical, others mental, others even medical... Something I sort of lost lately is the ability to do my makeup. This used to be my start of the day zen moment, where I would just be alone with my makeup kit, coffee and some stupid video playing on YT. It also, addmitedly, became my armour once it was done. Whenever I had my makeup done, I felt strong enough to handle the world. But lately, it's like it doeent work anymore. Products I've successfully used in the past, like they dont work. My foundations (tried multiple) are sort of grossly sitting like a were smudgy layer on top of my skin. The eye shadow looks muddy and unblended... and it's just an overall mess. My skin otherwise is as it was, so that's not the issue... but I don't know anymore... I feel suffocated and irritated (like my skin burns) when I wear it.. And it's gotten me to a point where I'm even afraid to start doing it because I know it will be shit and I'll be disappointed again. I miss it. I miss the time where I could at least fool myself that I was the fatal sexy woman by doing my hair and putting on makeup. Fuck I know how this sounds, I dont know why I care so much. I dont even have the ""I cant go out without makeup"" issue. But I just miss having that sort of coping mechanism/relaxation time with myself. It was my dumb form of meditation and now I've lost it. And have nothing to put in its place...",2.1187954545454564,4.075456258333337,3.807878787878789,87.19227272727277,78.08333333333334,6.585858585858586,22.297979797979803,7.5764669431780325,0.9033055555555554,1383,41,286,20,33,462,190,360,0.22699999999999998,0.679,0.09300000000000001,-0.9958,0,1,1,0,0,0,62.0,0,0,1,7,20,27,5,2,16,0,33,9,7,4,0,47,60,25,1,3,10,0,6,4,0,3,1,3,0,2,25,15,0,0,8,2,1,4,7,19,0,0,14,11,37,8,32,38,9,37,1,9,2,1,5,16,3,8,19,190,62,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009035487228529,0.0,0.07791122418342862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19324004983708706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059389746871707526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933190127989144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778642105779213,0.0,0.0,0.06283145787661731,0.0,0.08391253412719206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19940044656649614,0.3425462638863724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066669742949944,0.0,0.19304608737067366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049261315137076635,0.0,0.09354386285366192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006840546912295,0.0,0.0,0.11073843734564484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530233195587577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033740473039504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677128335692796,0.0,0.3297009909673429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19038892526940146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181297415164411,0.0,0.2127031215603638,0.16565553731113408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787711896282278,0.0,0.0,0.09814605120357063,0.09818209895412716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161903242517723,0.07223985447294719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348249925676212,0.0,0.0,0.10375509377735438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550244030794506,0.09300376756682784,0.0,0.0,0.10178902524481473,0.0,0.09209869108522642,0.0,0.09330680233460607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19587929201820636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016975209073796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747675452019955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163615774674027,0.0,0.10000598742163512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254840220464746,0.07500299346287459,0.0,0.1090599927344818,0.13791669475519722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185039971793627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311864093119828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361931197096045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614559321147953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828889059927946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791145838610433,0.0,0.0,0.0939148102723434,0.0,0.14185400712506732,0.0,0.0,0.06920835723642857,0.0,0.0,0.06273889786325276 bpd,cheekylilmonkey,2020/04/02,"Feeling completely alone and just want to vent No one has to reply or anything, not really looking for advice. Just want to get it all off my chest. I feel like I’m going crazy!!! I don’t know what the fuck is happening anymore. 4 years after my diagnosis, I thought I finally had myself together. Therapy, medication, good support, hobbies. I felt “fixed”, I felt “cured”, I felt “okay”. Well, that lasted a month. Then I moved house. I moved away from one of my close friends, I moved away from my family, and I moved away from what felt comfortable for years. So I’m here now, in an house with hardly any furniture, and with my partner. She’s home all the time now, which I thought would be an amazing time for us. But all we do is argue. We’re getting on each other’s nerves all the time. She mistakes my normal reactions as me being angry, I mistake this as condescension, which in turn makes me upset, and then she says “I knew you were angry all along!!!!” When I wasn’t, and it’s driving me INSANE. I don’t even know what my own emotions are anymore! I left the other day in a huff, said I was calling a taxi. I called a taxi but then cancelled it when I left and went for a run instead. I thought she’d be worried so I sent her a few texts, but she didn’t reply. So I called her to check up on her, and she was absolutely fine. She was driving down to see her sister and she’ll see me “at some point.” I felt so fucking rejected but it was my fault because I’m the one that left first. I get that. I’m so bored all the time that I seem to be talking a lot, but no ones around to listen. Except for my partner but I know she’s not listening. When I bring it up, she says “I know, I’m sorry, I’ve just got a lot on my mind.” And I understand that too, absolutely, 100%, but then she says later when we’re going to bed, “Do you want me to quit uni? It’s the one thing on my mind that’s making my head full of other things so I can’t listen to you.” I think it’s really nice of her to offer but of course I wouldn’t say yes. She’s been trying to get her degree for six years. I can’t be the one to hold her back just because I want someone to talk to. Sorry for venting, I really am. I’m just in a bad place. I hate being stuck here.",0.4342535087719313,2.3272725600000044,2.6032697368421047,94.0239923245614,83.39999999999998,5.6425438596491215,19.580043859649123,6.816661863887847,0.11044649122807026,1706,46,398,20,48,577,208,475,0.13,0.8,0.07,-0.9815,0,2,0,0,0,0,70.0,2,3,0,2,25,21,4,1,19,2,30,5,2,2,6,74,84,34,0,9,17,1,8,1,3,3,1,8,2,2,24,16,0,1,18,0,1,12,11,11,1,8,23,19,79,10,53,51,13,61,0,1,3,2,44,24,2,5,26,274,103,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830311800693455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239282537418809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04753275949848421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863925858127266,0.0,0.0,0.057519762613178,0.06222367609279841,0.0,0.0,0.19701326591471374,0.05374693378132185,0.058361569754472424,0.08521784672033082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21411976956973944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328629542854934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045078164401936884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862538312059128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0461667003426554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589322907765137,0.0,0.07068464547696454,0.0499348537413441,0.3355632489691826,0.07656939554589284,0.0,0.05945485610794157,0.0,0.0,0.05400270624517236,0.12923839510871532,0.14607442776039278,0.0,0.07944882472858063,0.05862678395991755,0.05590348964531012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181020982757517,0.0,0.06261451320888657,0.06900940122640763,0.07173509492010427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011298394798687,0.0,0.0,0.16130487323794407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536555544879114,0.05697586664477409,0.0,0.0,0.22783181490648435,0.0,0.0,0.034148432821881416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05869637318079333,0.0,0.0,0.11884886643353693,0.0,0.0,0.09331437094147453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041447041135666,0.0,0.0,0.14115328485498846,0.0,0.05579159112872386,0.29716031424056394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848479956505839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841865041051151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302810676952723,0.0,0.06607581740496372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743446930316193,0.0,0.0,0.13433456193144014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648861644654472,0.22234148279343344,0.0,0.0,0.11139866241682668,0.06363214265099254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05922400293505085,0.0,0.0,0.1564892634454876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931895915762996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236207366503033,0.0,0.0,0.0799339881681364,0.0,0.09287370861086183,0.04478755465769102,0.0,0.16647264140146606,0.16303139215134993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04745587681740489,0.07602850857383907,0.0,0.07276585841634209,0.08407819699726052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490964314931372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284632963469884,0.06479576812333611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098439765742436,0.0,0.04965324394697408,0.0,0.0,0.13503527283242606 bpd,JustCherri,2020/04/02,What is the difference between BPD and DID? I was just wondering a lot about it. I think they are practically the same but people with DID just have amnesia. Don't hate on me or anything please.,2.407894736842106,4.913615315789475,3.6413157894736834,85.87671052631579,80.05263157894737,8.010526315789475,25.28947368421053,8.841846274778883,2.130505263157895,154,6,31,4,4,50,34,38,0.0,0.8220000000000001,0.17800000000000002,0.7874,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,10,10,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,4,7,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852131080045673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4365165477447172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621116005554296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421847537459866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946574623950445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240281082243038,0.0,0.0,0.38045049961549854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222080152690302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3758608440750243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pallypete,2020/04/02,"Any joy with Aripiprazole/Mirtazapine combination? Or Quetiapine/Mirtazapine combination? I've just had a conversation with my psychiatrist who has offered me a combination of Mirtazapine and Aripiprazole.. Or Mirtazapine and Quetiapine? He also offered the choice of going back on Fluoxetine alongside Aripiprazole or Quatiapine due to the fact that I've had a little bit of success with Fluoxetine on it's own before, yet the benefits seemed to wear off too quickly so I stopped taking it. He originally wanted me to take Olanzapine alongside Vortioxetine or Fluoxetine. But the problem is I suffer with Cluster Headaches :( And as an abortative medication I have Sumatriptan injections that work very well when used if /when I suffer Cluster attacks.. Yet, I can't use them alongside SSRI's due to the fact that they have a high risk of serotonin syndrome. I refused to take the Olanzapine due to the side effect profile I also should mention I just stopped taking Vortioxetine around 8 days ago after 4 months of use due to lack of efficiancy at 10 mg doses and 20 mg doses. Has anyone had any joy with these combinations? Thanks for any advice. ;)",6.623845699083649,9.386715989949751,7.6536860774460544,61.038956547443114,67.49246231155779,10.712503694945317,36.328997930830624,10.718039707386858,4.958153177652972,938,49,136,30,17,315,115,199,0.12,0.7809999999999999,0.099,-0.5128,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,3,14,11,1,1,12,0,10,4,1,5,2,33,21,16,0,5,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,10,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,3,0,13,6,26,17,3,26,0,2,0,0,10,8,0,6,17,93,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156339533062393,0.13748812564099752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24806923456870186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164230255912834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845057838668408,0.0,0.0,0.1380732226253569,0.0,0.17645035279410176,0.0,0.11926348328169015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197995674727567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16933067221179135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002763931415214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814775944539448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638732553954395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545245435223107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624844849497882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238005413092387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841119309697487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119858468785995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593436058556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4664681157025051,0.0,0.0,0.14279662699767945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018737035156746,0.0,0.1279749849339083,0.091482886022619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945487968112247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291574268288584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,inmyfeelings2020,2020/04/02,"DAE struggle with affection? Random thought and I know it can be pretty common with BPD. Do you ever feel like if the affection isn't on your terms, you despise it? Or like...it just doesn't even matter to you? I get an almost cringey feeling when my partner is lovey and I'm not on the same page...which then makes me feel like a monster.",1.5194409937888196,3.6944091014492777,2.619503105590063,93.83869565217393,81.17391304347827,5.102277432712215,22.900621118012424,6.1826913282559595,0.3718099378881985,264,9,56,2,7,84,53,69,0.077,0.698,0.225,0.8998,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,4,0,0,4,4,1,1,4,0,6,0,0,3,1,21,14,6,0,1,4,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,3,8,2,5,12,2,7,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,4,7,36,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665525633118683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33525916171945874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581712519371742,0.2407856568686011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40378360606859226,0.3803348459651641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13907419071826402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462920116642526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901434958997968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768504480957847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708126840495505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27828138951899145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113264973626293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,claimbaggage,2020/04/02,"I miss being alone “Hes bored of me,” “why is he looking at her like that,” “why won’t he show me his phone,” “why won’t he talk to me,” “fucking look at me,” “fuck you,” “you only care when I’m being crazy,” “just leave already if you’re going to think about someone else,” “don’t leave,” “don’t fucking leave,””you’re just using me.”I had all of these thoughts within 5 minutes but since I’m a quiet borderline I just keep it all in and come off as being meek/hesitant/shy. He finds it cute but it’s been 2 years and he still doesn’t know that I’m going crazy and I just want to off myself to shut my brain off. DAE prefer being lonely than having an FP? I’d much rather have my cat stay as my only FP.",0.059692982456141415,1.781510671052633,2.102789473684208,98.03519298245615,83.73684210526315,4.579649122807019,16.054385964912278,5.2151,-0.9333382456140352,530,9,129,2,15,177,94,152,0.11800000000000001,0.8170000000000001,0.065,-0.5499,0,3,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,0,8,9,3,0,2,0,15,4,1,1,2,22,34,9,0,4,8,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,1,5,1,0,3,5,6,0,0,3,3,16,3,17,25,3,15,0,2,2,3,12,8,3,1,4,71,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616994054480383,0.1722888749308823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428820101870632,0.0,0.0,0.15918081754585442,0.0,0.0,0.1344886868874882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042320271934987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269629546218046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4330077920454208,0.0,0.0,0.1774599576097975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877192338171065,0.0,0.0,0.08580274245430564,0.0,0.0,0.3306296895117078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627525594890391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622129636806404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477054185401606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23748164991630066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914900428953288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322850159991839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16640949603790206,0.12468239025860857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548812960836767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000392086119954,0.0,0.12394656974565993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484269828881826,0.0,0.0,0.0920871340221236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4226381747627335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005399969709444 bpd,Rondie09,2020/04/02,"So far today whenever I’ve had an irrational thought, I switched my attention to something else and focused on it until the irrational thought left- and when it did, it didn’t come back. I’m so happy with myself! For the last few months I’ve been stuck in a constant vicious cycle of mood swings, paranoia, fear of being abandoned which caused me to act out irrationally, super depressed and started having panic attacks again. I was fighting with my boyfriend constantly and I could tell that I was finally pushing him away. My number one priority is to get better for myself, no one else, but after the last fight with my boyfriend I realised that I couldn’t keep doing it to him and that I NEEDED to get better. The thought of losing the person I love the most and the person who treats me better than I’ve ever been treated really shocked me into making some serious changes. Once I started thinking like this, I wrote a huge letter to my boyfriend talking about the future and our differences and what I’ve done in the past and apologising to him and in it I just made it very clear that I was ready to change. When he read it, he told me that he loved me very much, just not as strongly as he used to because of how much he was being pushed away, he said he was doubtful that it would work but he told me that he was willing to give us a chance so that I could show him that I’m ready to recover. The first thing that made me realise I was finally starting to change my mindset was that I didn’t over react to him telling me that he didn’t love me as deeply anymore. Normally this would’ve triggered me and caused a huge row but I just accepted it calming because I knew he was right and that my behaviour was unacceptable. Today, I found my mind bringing up what he had said yesterday and my fear of abandonment and unworthiness started kicking in. Normally I would text my boyfriend straight away and question him and just not be a very nice person over the situation but instead, I reminded myself that my boyfriend was giving me another chance after putting him through hell and that he told me he loved me twice today already without me saying it first and that my thoughts were irrational and that I needed to cut it out. So what I did instead was think about a book that I’m reading at the moment. Then I thought about a book that I’m trying to write and made up a new scene for it and I got so distracted by it that once I came out of my imaginative trance, I realised that I had cooled down and that there was absolutely no reason for me to feel the way I was feeling! The realisation that for the first time in MONTHS I controlled my emotions within MINUTES, has given me the motivation to keep doing this. It has shown me that I AM ABLE TO DO THIS. I don’t have any access to therapy for the next while but until I do, I feel so positive that I’m going to be able to fix myself and fix my relationship and I’m so excited- something I haven’t felt in a very long time! Yes, I’m still worrying about things and still getting feelings that are totally irrational but that’s normal- recovery will not happen in a day! But if I keep taking little bits of recovery each day, that will turn into a large recovery for my whole life :) TL;DR: I think I’m finally starting to get my life back in track!",7.121677725968437,6.265781614329272,7.18836441893831,77.89049497847921,64.41158536585365,10.278622668579628,35.14777618364419,9.478462496947786,3.063964275466283,2633,104,518,42,34,848,270,656,0.115,0.742,0.14300000000000002,0.9819,0,0,2,0,4,0,44.0,2,0,0,12,29,36,6,5,29,2,51,6,0,13,3,109,115,50,0,11,16,0,5,1,0,5,2,3,0,3,53,36,0,6,22,5,0,8,12,17,0,6,47,9,83,18,78,56,9,85,1,4,0,4,49,31,1,5,46,371,136,6,0.12050993580498873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649285541509647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04097544440458765,0.06318258757319929,0.0,0.0,0.059756737166409876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854872467868625,0.16983457744993805,0.09266470199963192,0.0,0.07346173833393661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987186762518305,0.06578281904965938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891563117384758,0.0,0.12379690006132338,0.191225299551644,0.05190431950851986,0.0,0.13022842866616688,0.06758107008656328,0.09621737775755987,0.0,0.0,0.07771893905597167,0.0,0.05189751556194902,0.0,0.0,0.06295361684192725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166175224227258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067058786785399,0.06777872879334786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05450406812982109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560718153707985,0.12186688892285795,0.0,0.05785421842717976,0.1980191162928589,0.0,0.15375853474979126,0.0,0.06606646222724745,0.0,0.0,0.12592293518786346,0.11560411140847815,0.03424428683526776,0.0,0.04819140222769717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05328326912108837,0.06414253376878064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16067215206083432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823168192793813,0.0,0.0,0.06546719892971678,0.0,0.08511973156126945,0.029437533721168013,0.06039130738634223,0.0,0.05332375048044532,0.0,0.06740989645900917,0.0,0.0,0.21752984417205584,0.17104412260054214,0.04022065896240876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06084034082099678,0.0,0.09618988102769044,0.0,0.08858866886759681,0.08935659042354709,0.0,0.05819462347269962,0.06408184194200972,0.0,0.17711122561021514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833914861348053,0.08166065132311258,0.0,0.0,0.07069622217548427,0.0,0.0,0.05752018485466339,0.0,0.1578369414900046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06057288527581374,0.06749935404801477,0.0,0.1205425475050904,0.0,0.03860087535497067,0.061952142454497074,0.0,0.06469128573503921,0.0,0.05145741336117896,0.11463254544816502,0.04791716893338815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772910850659355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277443616545317,0.0,0.0,0.2132438820600165,0.0,0.09623939040289416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04530423703939663,0.048430660782406834,0.10533099558399224,0.0,0.06890680706902548,0.0,0.08006144654727228,0.11582685132885068,0.0,0.23917856984676555,0.07027031268312114,0.0,0.1713439924292848,0.1727286120022649,0.0,0.04090916796582246,0.06554010242831372,0.0,0.0,0.07247930738818309,0.05204094602566079,0.0,0.19886663572115548,0.0,0.047827588883103435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727251983417737,0.0,0.05808363885446069,0.0,0.04386633426622005,0.06119184475072791,0.0,0.12841020119533844,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SlyDintoyourdms,2020/04/02,"This is a reply to a mystery post that I lost, that I think might help a lot of you. If you have BPD, you have not ruined anyone’s life. I accidentally refreshed and lost a post someone did about hating that she ruined everyone’s life. I wanted to reply and put that into perspective. I realise that’s how a lot of people with BPD might feel, and maybe you have behaved terribly to certain people. But please understand that very few people would ever consider their whole life to have been ruined by one person. If these are people that love you, they will understand your condition, or at least wish they did. They continue to live their lives. You are a part of their lives, warts and all. So please, never make yourself feel like everyone you know has a terrible life because of you. That’s very much overstating things and puts unnecessary blame on yourself",5.936599326599327,7.161402222222222,5.886969696969698,79.0868181818182,66.90123456790124,9.100785634118967,28.30751964085297,9.339509955726095,2.3985728395061723,688,22,124,13,11,216,93,162,0.111,0.738,0.151,0.7237,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,9,6,2,4,11,1,0,7,0,15,6,0,2,4,31,28,11,0,5,5,0,2,1,0,4,5,0,0,1,11,7,0,0,6,0,0,2,2,8,0,1,5,2,21,3,15,19,8,10,0,5,0,1,19,3,0,7,4,92,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797969225116835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679835753977626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809194128460113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087921982855484,0.0,0.21313060619443866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127790741068066,0.07967227581898083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010618108731582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475172470025991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061290295259958626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150888514033223,0.05448465660205299,0.0,0.2954313810271198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434817365558963,0.18962626217579245,0.10065414253682853,0.0,0.0744426762320555,0.0,0.11204015587233856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366172186433776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198246578335439,0.0,0.08601365280692025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557108192865347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207688781839207,0.0,0.3092648876220537,0.09737785370266198,0.0,0.2448382117954908,0.0,0.0,0.2136170085163539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22422346144270106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449333968988397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409113248938765,0.07145963471583787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23219940012167004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18403682284500167,0.0657793384269166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451179425008305,0.12824630405976506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792229605305734,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,EpilationJoy,2020/04/02,"How to approach psychiatrists/therapists? This is a long and probably dumb post but I figure this sub may be able to help me. Sorry if it's not the right place. I was diagnosed, wrongly, with Bipolar II in 2017 by a psych I no longer see due to his general disinterest and tendency to jump to conclusions. To be fair I went into that appointment off of a manic event and was sure I was bipolar, so I said as much and he put me on Lithium, Effexor with little protest. I came to realize later that I really wasn't bipolar and it didn't make much sense to be diagnosed. My current psychiatrist also expressed disbelief after looking at my medical history and listening to me explain my mood swings. He is much better but still disinterested. Now where does BPD fit in? It might not, but I do wonder if that is the issue. The real issue, though, is I self diagnose a lot. Aside from being severely depressed, having mood swings, and anxiety my symptoms could be many things. I once thought I was schizophrenic, had DPDR, bipolar disorder, etc. And was sure that was the case only to have it not feel quite right. I'm probably just depressed but that also doesn't account for some stuff, or it does. I don't know! And I don't want a diagnosis from this sub, but I'm going fucking crazy dealing with whatever I've been dealing with for the past 8 years and I need to figure out how to approach a psychiatrist honestly and without the idea that I know what I have. Going into a pscyh office with a diagnosis in mind really led to a huge mess and I really want to find a way to minimize my own bias. My college therapist had a survey on my first visit, and being able to answer honestly on paper then discuss helped a lot. I had to answer questions and could give them an idea for how I'm doing. Do most psychiatrists/therapists have similar surveys for personality disorders if I asked for one? I've only ever had it happen once And when going to my next appointment(postponed until may due to covid) I want to also start therapy again. How do I be open and speak my mind without leading the therapist in a certain direction on our first meeting? Would explaining my self diagnosis issue help or just make things more confusing for them? Whew. Sorry for the wall of text.",4.232722804718215,6.085198635321099,5.804524246395808,75.63457798165138,71.8211009174312,9.294783748361727,29.429619921363038,9.749128247673873,3.0725590563564875,1799,74,323,47,35,611,217,436,0.102,0.8140000000000001,0.084,-0.4205,1,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,1,0,2,6,17,16,3,1,22,0,41,11,0,8,4,91,71,39,0,10,17,0,1,0,0,4,10,3,0,3,19,26,0,0,17,0,1,12,11,8,0,3,17,6,39,6,55,41,10,56,0,2,2,1,26,22,2,15,20,237,58,4,0.14950939214819842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17934391032698802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057187137884084915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988554968708577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611445380160065,0.0,0.0,0.09415092279313314,0.0,0.0,0.08549945743050386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937108394037375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541376183694136,0.1287722203789849,0.22762332882366104,0.0,0.0,0.1713507162881191,0.0,0.13083667659490264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337124663410515,0.0,0.06761990238614174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03779822046236258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832443791621963,0.1271726125843492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691095119393803,0.0,0.07171151619598938,0.1274544495046729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610533085715088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031949105131362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16877790538955714,0.0,0.2340734424647517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216645191625646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492384422955818,0.0,0.06615555363247942,0.06277511725093846,0.0,0.0,0.12710753869793978,0.0,0.0,0.09979868021837893,0.07578952860563364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530749170175402,0.0,0.07930291914795612,0.1509618657328983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485990900010256,0.05542965992563,0.0,0.0,0.07950246734834113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922262317912925,0.05065571672655029,0.11370862987994035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136181607290118,0.0,0.06527291718885933,0.07810274667142837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159433473238824,0.0,0.16119641191355666,0.0,0.0,0.07514911694007036,0.08374236801889458,0.07951082101222681,0.0,0.08508721001807011,0.14366931752538026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276802039891215,0.0711088346196198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05956981424792938,0.0,0.15597090279740872,0.0844515284854633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736352399568666,0.05291175864155654,0.0,0.05969919684935315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557624210050459,0.0,0.0,0.14091083272869964,0.07769875228290067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548850989709599,0.3471838554389029,0.0993273967646794,0.0,0.07344610934247944,0.059346878502253765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227676971568045,0.05933679819893085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929835219594173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412171877576266,0.08106827907052175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05310359127402936,0.08173252496823719,0.0,0.048139573342734866 bpd,fuzzypeeches,2020/04/02,"I’m sad I feel .... desperate. I so desperately want someone to save me so I don’t have to save myself. I so desperately want to share the most intimate vulnerable parts of Myself with someone - the parts that I can’t share with anyone else because they’re too heavy. I so desperately want someone to want to love me beyond all my broken pieces. I so desperately want someone to tell me I’m loveable beyond my body and my weight. I so desperately want to be loved. so so so desperately. Why can’t I let myself have that?",1.9546337157987643,4.3875356019417495,4.21521624007061,81.51925860547222,81.33009708737866,7.240600176522506,23.92674315975287,8.296473431620573,1.698658252427184,409,15,81,9,11,141,48,103,0.245,0.531,0.225,-0.7583,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,12,7,0,0,2,0,7,4,1,0,1,14,18,10,0,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,18,6,12,16,5,2,0,1,0,2,5,2,0,1,0,57,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033069757628262,0.16167488389192966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618754679366633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526953305532958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181360938217546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978355363427853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135134696729148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848239442715801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34174319469278064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5347810838092314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791574085142935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5584131010447285,0.0,0.0,0.19214616528040546,0.0,0.0,0.14238126886580782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,darkPhoenix_Queen,2020/04/02,College with BPD Hi guys so I was just reading up on BPD and a lot of the symptoms described and experiences people have went through are very relatable. Obviously I’m kind of self diagnosing myself and I know it’s kind of bad but the struggles that I’m hearing people with BPD are going through seem similar to my own. So I’m currently a college student and I was wondering if any of you have tips for being successful in college with BPD?,3.22646551724138,5.471022034482767,4.927112068965517,79.1072198275862,75.7816091954023,8.02816091954023,32.71408045977012,8.841846274778883,3.112035632183909,355,19,65,8,8,120,58,87,0.066,0.8740000000000001,0.061,0.1415,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,1,4,0,7,2,0,0,1,15,16,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,7,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,3,1,6,3,14,12,2,6,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,4,1,44,8,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005664547408176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285133360330902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7412440455313735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933862932433065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392597530388335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362004408195102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456864913236392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583150697073973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064363089865402,0.08086138645606447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508866536684152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040093581637211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717452263811348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339459102556331,0.15349358713768765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381714097328486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292929629978602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140154155806565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639534644615353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956131219906286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ass-tricks,2020/04/02,"Low key freaking out My FP has been sick for the last few weeks. Not super serious but also kind of consistent symptoms with covid-19. So I’ve been just kinda worried in general but he’s been mostly okay. Just coughing and stuffy. Anyways, today he was basically sleeping all day and didn’t feel well and now he’s stopped answering me all together. Very likely he’s just sleeping obviously. But I can’t help but panic and thing he’s gotten a lot worse very quickly and ended up in the hospital. And his phone only works when he’s connected to WiFi so if he was in the hospital I’d have no way of knowing. I can’t can’t stop the terrible thoughts of him not being okay right now and it fucking sucks.",1.976382978723404,4.404212737588658,3.641957446808512,85.69400000000002,81.19858156028369,6.8805673758865264,26.421276595744683,8.021203637495839,1.88604170212766,560,24,109,11,15,186,94,141,0.22,0.703,0.077,-0.9698,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,12,13,2,1,5,2,12,6,2,0,3,32,18,16,0,1,10,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,9,0,2,4,0,0,0,7,7,1,0,8,1,6,6,11,9,5,19,0,1,0,1,11,7,2,4,12,68,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557793903102919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562819161052366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725326552163881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849540574372287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800870341501376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056857422720772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028514897060821,0.10705554284059964,0.15878585978354015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951681577691323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560976209985573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481521814993865,0.0,0.228552747978344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635589378965918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38987611042171344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257186556914157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024690590792687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941472013935829,0.0,0.0,0.15464735657392745,0.0,0.0,0.18464513432361668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32145647020895474,0.0,0.1546210891054153,0.15625470412931647,0.0,0.17514623423811904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181480893554568,0.19782618987656356,0.19851516700435412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DLYFDY,2020/04/02,"Need advice or something please I don't know what to do. I live with my ex, we were together over 5 years. We are quarantined together, and have a lease together for 7 more months. I am finally understanding that we can never be together again, and it is the most painful thing in the world. I can't bring myself to move on. Meanwhile, she has had approximately 20 guys ask her out in the couple months since our breakup, and is presumably only curbing them because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. Worse, we've still been having sex, and basically acting like we're together this entire time. It breaks my fucking heart in a new way every single day. My mood has been all over the place, I'll be fine one second, then suicidal the next. A lot of it has to do with knowing she's texting 10+ guys who she used to fuck or I know want to fuck her (Not even ""paranoia"" anymore, considering how many of her ""friends"" literally jumped at the opportunity the second she was single). My jealousy is probably the reason our relationship ended. She keeps telling me shes already told me multiple times why it ended, but all I remember is her telling me that if she told me it'd just hurt me worse and that I'd try to change for her but she doesnt want that. I'm drinking too much and I'm a fucking mess. Anything is helpful. Cant get counseling even though i know its overdue because everything is closed. Can't smoke weed because I cant find any. Just breaking here. Over and over. Every day.",3.801304347826086,5.4039488435374174,4.7271901804199965,83.93820319432123,72.46938775510205,7.970186335403727,28.42886719905353,8.587818076936951,2.0488167997633835,1176,46,236,21,23,382,171,294,0.086,0.858,0.055999999999999994,-0.7571,0,1,3,0,0,0,37.0,5,0,1,1,10,13,4,0,12,0,32,8,1,3,3,45,55,15,1,5,8,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,14,14,1,2,10,1,0,4,9,8,0,3,7,1,39,4,23,45,8,36,0,2,0,5,32,13,4,5,17,154,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862689605528813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137793834420846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863535175366453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009469658390388,0.0,0.0,0.08305617391871914,0.0,0.09435522532308452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18457660402168405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676976491362138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167629662762824,0.0,0.13018203457070995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887224190240397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878671815629904,0.0,0.0,0.13332563691890115,0.0,0.17007449417486653,0.0,0.09070870292529612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05103286193650554,0.0,0.0,0.1105630611878408,0.09224750701001223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797768902740476,0.3732298651269605,0.052731367994054375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19987165330953124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960164849873915,0.06765074950927974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160937015235916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971055578902569,0.0,0.0,0.22187230748760714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049308933949878425,0.0,0.08912237782332964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580644001375755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232641913434633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16112153059990994,0.10727182110992843,0.07419461262067069,0.07483776081439679,0.07784286053267324,0.09747809963407272,0.10733940355312258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683922726091003,0.07676124350127002,0.1073958392025831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054495856944832,0.11079000921311943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881880328249753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377207986501964,0.0,0.10836024395440404,0.1143331665049478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348971947693154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770026844725145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060223029724284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040021921369368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17643322818145155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705290968197546,0.0,0.09916247675153024,0.0,0.11770531592589695,0.0,0.0,0.19288444929178716,0.0,0.06852433632103827,0.0,0.0,0.1050709098473918,0.0,0.08717046728759315,0.0,0.0,0.17859206184135049,0.08011294164643472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107295056924362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057110589786303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499512860739888 bpd,shaddupu1,2020/04/02,I'm glad I'm not in a relationship anymore I'm glad I'm not in a relationship anymore. It was really holding me back and I think that I would have eventually cheated. I feel guilty saying this but I feel more free now. I know I broke his heart but it's better than fucking hurting him even more being in a relationship I couldn't properly commit to.,1.3866666666666667,3.7778076666666682,3.9811111111111153,82.55000000000003,83.44444444444446,6.933333333333335,24.277777777777786,8.07648339933343,1.6804944444444452,280,11,56,6,8,98,46,72,0.191,0.637,0.17300000000000001,-0.0854,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,2,0,3,0,5,2,1,0,1,13,14,3,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,1,3,10,5,5,10,2,5,0,2,0,1,6,3,1,0,2,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4153405006387345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101700638744293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519881519127446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830786913734308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117596151357348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935885270719819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481420607686448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22416888516279002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508171563381432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414811162111953,0.0,0.0,0.6744572815948026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16652466213609982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341761746583867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875298245470547,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PartySkill,2020/04/02,"Feeling hurt, rejected and so insecure about a guy I didn’t even know I had feelings for For context: The relationship we have is casual and very new. Fun, largely sexual, not lots of emotional talk, and vague and undefined. we’ve gone to movies and dinner, and he’s taken me to gatherings with his friends and started to incorporate me into that. But it’s also very much based on sex and we don’t have a ton of great conversation otherwise. Anyway, last night we got together and for the first time he let me stay the night (and morning) at his house and sleep in his bed with him. We had sex almost right away but then watched a lot of TV and talked. I had taken an extra adderall because I had gotten up early that morning and was afraid I’d be tired. I didn’t feel like I was that hyper or different but for the first time we were talking about stuff and joking and the convo seemed to flow (in my mind at least). It felt like we were bonding and in the morning he even offered to make pancakes (but I declined). Well in the morning I stayed and watched tv for an hour of so and more talking but eventually I got the hint to leave so he took me home and when he got out of the told me to text him. I interpreted it like he was eager for me to take the lead (because he usually initiated). Well I was way overconfident and impulsive because later that night I asked him out again, which I know is way to soon, but I thought he wanted me to for some reason. Anyway he doesn’t reply for like fifteen minutes and then he’s like “I need to catch up on sleep” And then he’s also like “lay off the adderall, watching tv is not the time to be sped up and talkative.” I rethink the night and realize he was probably annoyed the whole fucking time. So I start pathetically apologizing and for tbe first acting desperate and weird despite the fact that I don’t even like him that much or see much potential for a long term thing. I beg him to give me another chance and he replies that he will, as long as I don’t take adderall on weekdays. So I said “of course. I promise I will never take adderall that late on a weekday again. So sorry” but still I felt tremendously embarrassed, insecure and desperate for any reassurance that he still likes me so I cave and basically ask him “just so I know, is this just physical? if so, that’s fine and I’m still interested but I just want to know what you’re think” And he responds with: “I like going places and having fun, and also the sexy, but we don’t have to see each other all the time” And of course that’s not even what I wanted, or thought I wanted, to see him all the time but I still felt so embarrassed and rejected. And now that I’m thinking about the night over I see all the little cues I didn’t pick up on at the time that he was annoyed and wanted me to shut up but he was responding to me so I thought he was having a good time. And I only kept going because I genuinely thought he was into it. But it went on a long time and looking back I feel like such a fool and I wish he would have just told me he was tired. I’m so confused and I know I’m making no sense. I’m typing as fast as I can to just get it out. but I’m very embarrassed and hurt even though he didn’t do anything really wrong. It’s just that I was trying so hard to be the cool, collected, chill non clingy non crazy girl, and not act desperate and weird, and the thing is, I thought I was doing a good job. In fact I thought I was almost too aloof! And I got confused because he let me stay over, and I started to let my guard down just a little bit, I’m apparently annoying and boring and too talkative. And once my mom said the same thing. And my ex once said he liked “sleepy me” best. And the thing is I was suppressing myself so much that night, even though I was talking, I can be way worse and more crazy weird talkative, emotional and hyper. And now I’m worried that I have spent my life annoying almost everyone whilst I think I’m fine. In fact while thinking I’m cute, and bubbly, and interesting and charming and inquisitive. I feel like maybe even though they say lots of nice things, no men actually enjoy being around me, but I was never aware of it because they were always hanging around because I’m easy and have big tots and and ass, and kind of pretty face. I’m having a full blown breakdown over the tiniest thing I feel worthless",3.2957971353992366,4.533839903587445,4.431611003279566,87.00280737567768,73.17040358744393,7.746897798005487,25.981594270798478,8.257765969515432,1.474694310956429,3422,113,734,54,67,1121,325,892,0.131,0.726,0.142,0.9302,3,2,0,0,0,0,77.0,7,0,2,5,57,60,5,8,39,1,62,11,4,5,8,173,143,110,0,9,29,2,10,12,1,3,3,4,2,3,36,81,1,3,29,5,1,11,17,24,2,3,53,23,95,36,85,79,23,110,0,5,8,4,72,41,2,14,64,486,131,3,0.0,0.0,0.04524109447464225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926982897105,0.0,0.0,0.11122326318365,0.03857559363493647,0.0,0.0,0.03152668381639901,0.048612955638845406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03815068572145112,0.08254122768253079,0.0866814922392278,0.0,0.043557152355997004,0.035648310876600885,0.0,0.19782622513282971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04865241361931828,0.0,0.05061358496206581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04843678456973518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429849307045444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143443986703582,0.0,0.0,0.04429937991537829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406473656572106,0.09935970656437614,0.1335398562457839,0.0,0.0,0.11830248041401935,0.0,0.0,0.03581795509001992,0.04285947273544311,0.0242214124861096,0.044473151191043614,0.05269540424814468,0.07776986232560704,0.14831469166752095,0.05111254041596552,0.0,0.045904116878180634,0.0,0.0,0.04152984133642098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04650329372152127,0.0,0.045655687341291336,0.053493714548375385,0.0992596035218226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046005575650366,0.0,0.0,0.04827725623574661,0.12739240615538885,0.037789940071381485,0.05229658709441569,0.04908900402074734,0.0,0.14222004951182016,0.032745744463096665,0.2717923863272435,0.09293066522617176,0.0,0.12308257145687004,0.038931087064264486,0.0,0.0,0.1182419453505653,0.0,0.0,0.06189189727753664,0.0,0.04657528563719196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04681082087619208,0.05429677814286368,0.0,0.0,0.13632100853025522,0.03437567321270139,0.07151204703330177,0.044775194526817164,0.0,0.26103675173781954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874469498493198,0.0,0.035259197940789244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04843678456973518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04716522665318095,0.04998438729765894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029699680138579237,0.047666245852668855,0.0,0.049773754517634,0.0,0.039591555982392286,0.13229816300693972,0.036867676636370285,0.0,0.0,0.14777304935124005,0.04220479650422596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927878267509758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051896708515990785,0.09844245806009988,0.1482421575417385,0.14809400488529315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05307160349107139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457182667122003,0.18631379740878026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18479886779923144,0.11882357258452385,0.13664666842023995,0.22083002901239773,0.2432982687129801,0.10656899435630272,0.0,0.08859875983075657,0.05150814624641077,0.031475690438296865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051059466564277234,0.11475663602522004,0.1367229210101246,0.11039626007688913,0.0,0.0,0.08336719282950619,0.042976585323860006,0.0,0.051759767176731,0.05331220933237223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0470812695171741,0.0472452413242686,0.03293312104938278,0.05068785507482339,0.0,0.0 bpd,damnassrocks,2020/04/02,"I’m mentally ill and my boyfriend brought home a gun that he doesn’t know how to use. I posted this on r/relationships but felt it belonged here as well. We’ve been together for 2 years in July and I’ve been living with him and his family since a couple weeks after we started dating. I’ll start with some background info on me. I have been diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), and clinical depression. My boyfriend is aware of this, I see a psychiatrist monthly and I’m on a cocktail of different medications so I can try to manage living a normal life. Yesterday I let my boyfriend use my car to go to the bank. We share each other’s locations on iPhone just in case anything happens while we’re out and about. I noticed that he wasn’t at the bank like he said he would be at, but at a pawn shop on the other side of town. I texted him asking what he was up to and he said he was buying a gun. I responded asking why he didn’t let me know (considering he said he was going somewhere else) and he said he didn’t plan on it. I stop replying because I was annoyed and he gets home 30 min later and shows me the gun. It’s some type of glock that he was able to get for $700 to “protect us during the coronavirus.” My family back home is very gun-savvy and my dad has always kept them locked away in a safe, aware of my history with suicide attempts. I don’t find myself in fear of them, but while I am dealing with mental issues and suicidal thoughts that have intensified after losing my job due to business closures, I’m in fear of what I could do to myself. To make matters worse, after talking to him about how I feel about the gun, he informs me that he has never shot a gun in his life. I assumed since he was buying one that he knew how to use one. After he told me this, I was shocked and full of anger. This weapon powerful enough to take a life is in his hands and he doesn’t know how to operate it. I explained how many people have accidentally been shot or have shot themselves and his attitude is that there’s no way that could happen to him because he plays a lot of Call of Duty. Ridiculous I know. I took this as him trying to reassure me that I shouldn’t be worried and I ended the conversation because I felt it wasn’t going anywhere. Today he posted a picture on his instagram story of him flexing the gun saying “quarantine ready.” Which is embarrassing. He is aware of my issues, my previous attempts to end my life and I’ve explained how I feel/what goes through my head in depth a multitude of times. I get triggered very easily and we honestly don’t have a very healthy relationship, a lot of our arguments include him screaming at me, being emotionally abusive and insulting me. I tend to dissociate or have an intense panic attacks during these times because these are all things that are my main triggers. I don’t know whether I’m more scared of me using the gun to end my life in one of these uncontrollable situations or him accidentally shooting me because he doesn’t know how to use it. It’s currently in a beanie in the shirt drawer of our dresser. I constantly express how I feel but 90% of the time he doesn’t acknowledge me enough to give me a response or is too busy playing ps4 to have a real conversation with me. I don’t know how to get him to understand WHY I’m uncomfortable with this weapon right next to our bed without him saying I’m being a crybaby, sensitive or overreacting. Please send help. TL;DR I’m mentally ill and my boyfriend bought a gun without a safety to protect us from coronavirus, but he has never shot a gun in his life. I’ve had previous suicide attempts that he’s aware of and don’t know wether I’m more worried I’ll shoot myself purposely or he’ll shoot me on accident.",5.172857142857144,5.7000460873015895,6.223399470899472,78.49636904761904,68.28571428571429,9.527513227513227,31.62301587301588,9.569149931871646,2.8221301587301584,3006,120,591,61,48,1004,310,756,0.20199999999999999,0.732,0.067,-0.9989,4,1,0,13,0,5,61.0,8,0,2,6,19,25,7,6,34,0,57,14,3,17,3,106,115,47,3,5,15,1,5,1,0,3,11,7,5,1,33,33,1,6,22,5,6,7,19,17,1,3,29,13,87,8,94,75,12,72,0,2,1,0,82,32,0,11,31,374,120,4,0.06074262983511115,0.07197008364627132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05054273401343426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0464679455639709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04998600874681275,0.0,0.11357231848707162,0.06910351052820025,0.05706970025518868,0.046707332924423625,0.0,0.18514071677388544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650321588076002,0.0,0.062025016494802826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656412036371667,0.0,0.09699609450112366,0.06721056456926625,0.0,0.0,0.062622984160074,0.05231753806993383,0.06165249066032465,0.0,0.06346311976796036,0.13923263257138174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05074267290321589,0.06832728283004008,0.16139982199855218,0.12552674829625202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452549090585462,0.13670469204164276,0.09213989626934138,0.0,0.11664490071619038,0.0,0.05551766322376787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269420681170165,0.058269865466241876,0.1035643090492426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742901391514627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233946245995574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040714504378790733,0.0,0.18278943112777804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679904823435695,0.060277687369805974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670604864029617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422690889096785,0.2574258949531121,0.029675780708688888,0.0,0.10727371000194053,0.0,0.0,0.06795546542251596,0.0,0.10328242341762553,0.0,0.0,0.04054617708918743,0.061583492720059814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061191809110107076,0.18364285216434725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04848418761589373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369692158637148,0.0,0.0646004759397517,0.0,0.05951488035693736,0.0,0.06915588666671384,0.0,0.0,0.12348233402366235,0.0,0.0,0.07126838838077694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042111291317304365,0.05303812141956492,0.0,0.06667716688955634,0.0,0.0,0.11634929713659205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913841100640544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042970429657216,0.0,0.051873873987094164,0.2311206035818399,0.09660995455104356,0.060813969102397336,0.0,0.04840401160378748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004938621932418,0.06827726095108884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598789207578332,0.0,0.0,0.05078355841707033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993277343355443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045670898122448116,0.048822624971538525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04035470419264118,0.0,0.0,0.04822286307148437,0.10625854780842843,0.0,0.05757691063440255,0.05804218587566332,0.06748729675801138,0.08248051681419857,0.0,0.0,0.06323521986224784,0.14613180929778205,0.2623106468018592,0.0,0.15035709329036065,0.0,0.048214672226420105,0.048724073714776266,0.0,0.05461491911834522,0.0,0.10962155102900174,0.0,0.0,0.11710745511049328,0.0,0.0,0.12337417822994755,0.06190192919002512,0.043149821443672735,0.0,0.0,0.039116262088463916 bpd,SakurasConfession,2020/04/02,"Help understanding how to move Recently I matched a woman on Tinder and she told me she suffers from BPD. I really like her and would like to make this work, but my options on physical rendezvous are limited due to the virus. I've done a bit of research to try and understand. I just don't want to text too much because I don't want to scare her off or annoy her. I leave her space when she doesn't write back. Is that the best thing to do?",2.855124223602488,4.061342586956524,4.029192546583853,89.58413043478262,74.21739130434783,7.86583850931677,25.099378881987576,8.418075326091056,1.362811801242236,346,11,78,6,7,113,65,92,0.126,0.721,0.153,0.6877,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,5,6,1,1,4,0,8,0,0,2,0,16,14,7,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,14,3,12,11,3,9,0,1,0,0,11,4,0,2,6,53,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585424898111956,0.0,0.13148417010255936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263560130487797,0.0,0.2354803892724001,0.0,0.27165720284381856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220728354774024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457416263328998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22838725580224525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21075295951203055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439764450062665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292470345652065,0.15855883444518834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817816393642313,0.0,0.2129703614291881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159458599222424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329653905855794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061034648072764,0.0,0.1464410759005281,0.0,0.0,0.4490870808821081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25444209641386906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570267376526517,0.0,0.0,0.15322179155015547,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,idekfam1997,2020/04/02,"Am I having a ptsd episode or am I just too sensitive because I have bpd? No matter who yells/screams at me whether they’re just playing or being serious. I become extremely quiet and start having negative thoughts. I end up thinking if they hate me or not, and I end up thinking about everything that’s wrong with me (obese, ugly, retarded, ect). I never really talked to anyone about this but being yelled at really does triggers me for some reason. As a kid up until I was a senior in high school my parents would always yell at me. Especially my dad since he was very verbal abusive.",4.972676991150443,6.248334265486728,6.00016592920354,77.20254977876108,69.17699115044248,8.835840707964602,30.054203539823014,9.188382445141503,2.72094778761062,464,18,82,9,8,154,82,113,0.18100000000000002,0.797,0.022000000000000002,-0.9499,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,5,4,1,0,3,0,10,1,0,2,1,21,15,10,0,2,9,2,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,3,3,1,0,4,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,3,16,1,14,9,1,14,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,5,6,62,19,2,0.0,0.232512862826644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632877882747611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721589670143533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962636668438335,0.2167321769552745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471579973049241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17173135430801473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476216113817488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17636827725465376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19374683246509344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20733882676304344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135274528209822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21790181408873024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293946033213793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25143333519069205,0.20176788293399694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19860582845170768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233214143462696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389000119357559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773065317858845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514859336430325,0.0,0.15579300979496616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191893648042546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940359668939545,0.21455814331431647,0.0,0.0 bpd,UnofficialUnicorn,2020/04/02,How is a BPD sense of self distortion different than usual sense of distortion? Like we all go through phases in life or days where things might not go well and we are always growing. But how does a bpd sense of self distortion differ from a non bpd sense of distortion?,6.801282051282049,6.9162339999999976,6.3738461538461575,80.2378205128205,64.76923076923077,10.77948717948718,30.794871794871803,10.504223727775694,2.988517948717949,216,7,42,5,3,67,35,52,0.035,0.878,0.087,0.41100000000000003,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,2,1,10,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,8,4,1,7,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,3,26,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069662029750575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6842987206859441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679987575550628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3784392692340477,0.0,0.0,0.1584891005430528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058560498266538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792215374348204,0.08848037101239256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19212729417016816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3778709263884237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032031218018788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19946521415192087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16283811886330976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,miseducationof,2020/04/02,"Does BPD affect focus or attention? I’ve never been diagnosed but my first therapist did give me a handout one time from Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder Book by Marsha M. Linehan. I burst out crying asking her if she thought I had BPD and she said she could not diagnose me and that she was just trying to help me with coping. Anyway, long story short, I did some research, and I do feel like I have symptoms of BPD and such as splitting, mood swings, intrusive thoughts; etc - all stemming from a traumatic childhood. I was curious however if BPD is known to affect focus and attention. I have a personal project that I want to finish but I’m always dreading it because it becomes difficult after about 30 mins. Please lmk if you have any insight or just want to contribute. Thanks.",5.986581818181818,7.744010506666665,6.405515151515157,73.42609090909096,67.26666666666667,9.721212121212124,34.303030303030305,10.018931242160765,3.8386666666666662,656,31,106,16,11,212,108,150,0.125,0.757,0.11800000000000001,-0.631,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,2,5,6,0,1,3,0,12,3,0,2,2,32,22,13,0,6,10,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,2,4,7,0,0,7,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,9,2,18,3,14,12,3,10,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,6,9,74,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108238199332111,0.0,0.0,0.09057300746748803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451362613331353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119070667052172,0.14709665680698514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6709869409776977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634048514629266,0.0,0.1463017335618229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703678246435067,0.0,0.0,0.1526459985011533,0.0,0.1165544887820592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854081108537853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734430096390692,0.0951501644028664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329039557265222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776691257435285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927370056288826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506936044977381,0.0,0.0,0.11786796996688842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027234771611702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025223386302214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325907900524457,0.0,0.14620139731777762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669312738108296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843424622251782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262242868601035,0.0,0.15464255833001728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114741910193294,0.0776635085704948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042650859553132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711650762565013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwawaygffjtd,2020/04/02,"I think I met my soul mate years ago, and he has now become my FP. Please help. Around 3 years ago I went to a festival. I met this guy. We constantly wanted to be around each other at the festival. We got on so well. We just clicked immediately. We spent at whole week by each other’s side. It was so nice. I was so sad to leave him. He promised me we would meet again , and that we would see each other again at a festival In a few months time. I was gonna give him my phone number / socials , but my friend who drove us there was eager to leave , & I didn’t get much chance to say goodbye to him. He told me that my friend had the leaflets for the next festival, but my friend lost them on purpose because he was jealous of how well me & this guy got along. At first he was all I could think about. I tried making myself move on & forget about him. Dated many other people. But now almost 3 years later I just can’t shake the thought of him. & in my mind he is my FP. I have never bonded with anyone like that before. Recently I found him on Facebook. Do you guys think I should send him a message, or add him as a friend. It would mean so much to me if I could just reccomend with him. And maybe just be friends. It rare that you find someone like that that you just bond with instantly, in my eyes it would be a shame not to have him in my life. Do you think I should send him a message. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you. Sorry if this isn’t allowed in this sub but none of the other subs understand how much people with bpd get attracted to people.",1.4274437627811878,3.228281601226996,2.6559754601227006,95.3752719836401,79.61349693251533,5.696359918200409,19.148875255623718,6.588339656340683,-0.13956572597136985,1206,27,280,11,30,387,160,326,0.062,0.743,0.196,0.9935,1,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,7,5,1,2,22,23,1,2,12,0,28,2,1,4,2,60,53,17,0,11,13,0,0,2,6,7,1,1,0,3,20,20,0,0,9,0,1,6,6,5,2,1,19,4,54,18,37,22,10,41,1,2,3,0,53,16,0,4,21,192,74,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619070405839356,0.15637282765823696,0.0,0.08832231078293705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822705603580636,0.0,0.05998089291614341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06167341188350652,0.0,0.0,0.15703829072620756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053767576221190015,0.09741300490026858,0.07505404170201753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108827282057716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531583547131003,0.0,0.1408454335470775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061571330773158,0.0750252119839346,0.0,0.09670976004734418,0.3407261196961357,0.0,0.09216459029232722,0.084612112544672,0.0,0.0,0.14108758933556162,0.0,0.0,0.2620037617893782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05912044242996541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867879483091724,0.0,0.0,0.0623002090400239,0.08618281429289641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628371817855072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887601887658505,0.08942374201880501,0.08861151514102672,0.09607864957308436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905963122043167,0.0,0.0704025915688728,0.09374556187906148,0.19451750450091865,0.0,0.068027396415977,0.0,0.09380462262814583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834460381106676,0.0,0.0,0.0968201299913329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708957231936289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014236502866386,0.0,0.0,0.07028617012692444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991159346490442,0.07473390174677169,0.0,0.0,0.09873575458573232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120523950552443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22606703656534416,0.0,0.07002312919007153,0.05143173138786389,0.0,0.0,0.08428150510310653,0.0,0.05988387578712375,0.0,0.0,0.09182217080750488,0.1060970451512691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052024265742944296,0.0,0.07075092375454277,0.0,0.1586097254930773,0.08176483061853415,0.0,0.098475217706758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25062680471707705,0.0,0.0,0.17039903269075402 bpd,Raynedrop98,2020/04/02,"FP randomly leaving My FP and partner (who also has mental health issues but likely not bpd) is really the love of my life. However recently she has been struggling a bit and will on a seemingly random schedule get struck by a mood and say she has to leave and hang up on the call and then won’t reply for hours. (We can only talk by txt or video call) I get that she is going through her own stuff that’s causing it (she says it’s social exhaustion and she started a new job recently etc. ) but every time it happens I feel so hurt and I can’t think and end up crying for hours and making stuff worse by trying to txt. I don’t know how to be better at coping with this it hurts so bad. Thanks for reading and for any advice",3.805894039735101,4.3184192913907316,5.068536423841064,85.61843377483444,71.31788079470199,7.894304635761589,25.03377483443709,7.908726449838941,1.2364749668874175,567,15,120,7,10,189,102,151,0.20199999999999999,0.7170000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9688,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,1,4,10,0,1,6,0,12,4,0,3,0,25,24,18,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,2,3,2,0,1,10,12,0,0,4,2,0,2,4,5,0,0,1,3,13,4,18,20,3,17,0,2,0,1,16,5,0,4,11,80,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699985505320432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103932604454589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838035133291336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851497143575448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494308387440567,0.1418876291339852,0.0,0.16368580232000335,0.0,0.2654166748934419,0.0,0.0,0.13350939422783095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275995657370213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151100166356226,0.0,0.14494482890737734,0.0,0.0,0.10950073951605917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571398196748672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580222758400426,0.0,0.07386184934963567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492722320689995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381462402630966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559778066775346,0.0,0.27825947960505715,0.0,0.0,0.13564922536069035,0.12896976297701487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142511834563425,0.0,0.0,0.2752273881517293,0.0,0.0,0.09179780585742707,0.06349411484015594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729808140389385,0.0,0.0867523469627333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097369938760411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552057318572865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884389743848497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999972122171174,0.0,0.08325861928292702,0.0,0.2566486300822262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20670605465049008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831484607452933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324824928905253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198957809935808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358671670015623,0.2975566342250143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044605830987653,0.0,0.11965389724366712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832760365220332,0.0,0.0,0.07578337481695001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823739901041198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244498061908969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Daisyloux,2020/04/02,"Trauma dissociation My best friend of 9 years died on Saturday. His neurological damage from a stroke during surgery meant he had weeks of being an empty shell before dying therefore this has been a lengthy and mentally exhausting process hoping for improvement. I have become completely numb. It's like I haven't accepted anything and a part of my brain refuses to acknowledge it whatsoever. I can talk about it in the same way I would talk about the weather. I feel like everything is on fire and I've just said ""Fuck it."" and gone to sleep. My whole life has been turned upside down. I've lost my dearest and closest friend who was with me throughout all the good and bad and I feel completely detached from it. Usually when triggering and terrible things happen I turn to my harmful behaviours but this time- nothing. Literally nothing. This is so out of character I'm starting to question everything. With everything going on in the world at present it's hard enough to believe this is reality.",4.0562087912087925,7.084107313186816,4.686472527472528,77.67102747252748,77.5164835164835,8.475164835164836,30.528571428571425,9.120678840339163,3.3392672527472533,809,39,135,22,20,258,121,182,0.13699999999999998,0.762,0.1,-0.4379,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,5,17,1,0,8,0,14,8,2,2,1,26,28,11,2,2,2,0,5,2,2,1,5,1,0,0,12,11,0,1,6,0,0,2,1,9,0,0,8,6,14,8,24,18,6,21,0,2,0,1,10,10,1,2,10,90,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873154651594057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032284293621013,0.0,0.14592695541374692,0.11243270658044978,0.14886500960154433,0.13866204694683193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475005266738669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27707111011423585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27425969138839645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365253779362707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562491655770664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336175684403907,0.09439353755433834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20416627257562364,0.1221518477389313,0.0,0.0,0.07509239597968488,0.11082418629031912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684192353546492,0.0,0.1183623253338192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123467971259392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332716751893992,0.12910386771896049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442352575418029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331557357951083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535641650585547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308367021107968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480155871526661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568567329729766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222519739421096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352213470776326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21240181607664968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778115128743832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704593427512603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874385060358381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552227984440147,0.0,0.0,0.10487846514195033,0.10598653544032194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751817499486122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386120106571602,0.0,0.0,0.08508724295921567 bpd,sailorxans,2020/04/03,"Is there hope for me ? I feel like this is a never-ending nightmare I recently moved back home after 3 months of getting kicked out. It’s been very intense for me as I was doing a lot better out of the house. Everything happened so quick, I didn’t wanna be a nurse anymore nor wanted to go to college, I applied to a restaurant job and quit in two weeks because I felt I was about to relapse on drugs, and it seemed everything my therapist told me back where I was staying at went down the drain. Finding a new therapist has been a hell-hole because the one I had told me I was misdiagnosed and made me question myself more as a person. PTSD came back to me as a wild-fire especially when I just got out of an abusive relationship with someone I knew for 7 years that I was unaware about and instead reached out to an ex who I cared about still on the daily despite us being broken up for two years, telling me he still loved me and I didn’t take it well when we rushed into things quick. I have all these plans for life (doing videos for YouTube, having trips around the world, wanting to take and edit photos for my instagram, etc.) but I’m not sure where to even start. It’s been hard that my ex (who I still love) came at me still wanting to have children with me since I really was killing my body so I wouldn’t have one. I almost had his child back in high school but Now Im not interested in giving birth since I can’t handle having a kid. I take medications that I wanna get off of due to the fact that It be nice to have children but my body dysmorphia has been insane with not drinking ballerina tea anymore to flatten my stomach. I was suppose to have my job back at GameStop but that didn’t work out at all due to the virus and I’ve just been stuck inside with thoughts and problems I’ve made up for my own suffering. I wanna move out since I despise my neighbors and my parents aren’t necessarily helping me recover since my mom and I would physically fight consistently and I just keep getting flashbacks of getting my dad arrested since he would hit me a lot. The only thing I’m looking forward to now in life is getting medical marijuana to help out with my anxiety and depression. It hurts finding out my ex and I won’t work out in the future despite him and I being very happy together, due to the fact he really wants kids and I just can’t give that to him. It hurts only for the fact he’s been on my mind consistently for two years and now it’s just hard accepting that he isn’t the right one for me. It hurts the fact that my progress has been thrown down the drain due to the fact that I moved back here and it’s very hard to find a good therapist that accepts your insurance these days. I also have a car I want to design and modify but Due to lack of funds that’s been put on hold and when talking to my ex it just made me loose that part. I lost a lot of myself when I was in my abusive relationship (love for anime, gaming and collecting, makeup, etc.) and at this point in my life it’s just been an identity crisis. The only thing I can say is that I cut every single toxic person in my life out and have my friends who have been making me happy and making sure I’m doing okay. I hope once the corona virus passes we can do the things we’ve been planning to do since day 1. I don’t know if I’ll ever admit to my ex that we wouldn’t work out so I can avoid being hurt. I don’t think I can even handle being his friend as of now since I can’t handle the thought of him having someone else as a partner. All I know is that I’ve been all over the place and I wish I can just sit down and do what I’ve been needing to do at the house. I wish I can stop going on YouTube also and watching other people talk g about their drama since it’s a gross feeling watching that. I want to get better and it’s slowly fading the future of what it looks to be better for myself with all my questions and confusion.",5.462458571040479,4.797083154034231,6.198844335778322,82.99653599565336,67.7041564792176,8.982602553653898,29.66922032056507,8.167268648758528,1.824324444444444,3092,94,665,35,45,1019,311,818,0.13,0.768,0.10300000000000001,-0.9819,4,1,2,0,2,0,47.0,4,1,1,11,47,38,4,2,40,1,77,15,3,5,13,135,138,49,1,21,17,8,6,1,4,5,7,1,2,8,45,52,2,4,18,4,1,14,17,15,1,6,41,11,102,23,109,84,15,104,0,7,4,3,58,47,0,11,44,474,147,8,0.0,0.119781798446153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05061633856065382,0.0,0.0,0.08084614430444341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038668942758959414,0.0,0.10025970659725472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044998275180543126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332089135455881,0.0,0.06162696191873825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341163130829871,0.0,0.1122944622164651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562647642914625,0.051536869745507766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519832236742068,0.0,0.04353676196273547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04951761832575405,0.058619421532015874,0.0,0.04222621616076843,0.0,0.04477036375950995,0.0,0.1127483585687368,0.06677271471708875,0.04572339570544987,0.04258871715384839,0.0,0.09085823976182766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05111699160088208,0.03611137160077295,0.048533832668687306,0.0,0.13859937093769015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810623829071857,0.0,0.15845489313584465,0.0969801468491616,0.05745498020039318,0.042397111891046696,0.040427708045739384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044699268918800585,0.10761818534626014,0.13584275018405695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776227440980595,0.053406545460475005,0.05070358332277418,0.1004107782968049,0.0,0.11665079162308935,0.21644994042325755,0.0,0.054600317975439565,0.0,0.10032182031102012,0.04492922357052602,0.05592367183280575,0.0,0.05555951816117635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281367619193047,0.024695110825847768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489487340960489,0.0,0.05517891497632348,0.12892184291786493,0.13686413900977018,0.1434887040381685,0.06748212265153722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184321837677976,0.0,0.0,0.05103888707145577,0.05920099404595061,0.04034678643265222,0.16117299433970406,0.0,0.037480566891760436,0.03898559376297602,0.04881939804262167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05383177694716024,0.10275752990908996,0.11533168110999635,0.0,0.0,0.056127370457967785,0.05473836153264574,0.0,0.035043492749489924,0.08827281070097877,0.05281171172574934,0.0,0.047784026934274935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048367435624870746,0.05908769477446736,0.050814518943614516,0.11325025015191542,0.053763826975773886,0.0,0.0,0.06476445370015962,0.0,0.049909872585342574,0.10853888004514467,0.0,0.04316756076790505,0.0,0.04019765407249405,0.0,0.051157090890860665,0.0,0.04601683547379374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345094221501577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565800507801077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035778006067263515,0.053877248866688585,0.16147021243851686,0.042260239605870636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528144136095686,0.0,0.11401700616283687,0.08125684350591865,0.04418102131078192,0.0,0.0,0.17606973958043626,0.1343268980404333,0.032389001031452216,0.0,0.08025864320673516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660121341672286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813362122174645,0.0,0.06080280180689165,0.0,0.0,0.12512173205170699,0.1788864778245599,0.0,0.040546410963364234,0.0,0.045448559335706025,0.04685833412028187,0.0,0.0,0.11625499321370165,0.0,0.0,0.11039824156012948,0.0,0.0,0.07181543987855675,0.0,0.0,0.0976534134198556 bpd,natsunokinoko,2020/04/03,"I literally have no idea how to interact with people anymore I have such bad social anxiety that seemed to implode on itself when I tried to make friends at college this year. I already ruined at least two relationships with friends I had met freshman year, and since then I feel like I've lost my ability to make friends. Now I am trying not to be as self-conscious so that I don't feel like killing myself later when I think back on something cringey I thought I said or because I may have accidentally offended someone. But I simultaneously feel lost. Other people have always seemed to define my identity. Even when alone and doing things I loved, or watching tv or something like that I would be thinking of ways that I could use my current experience to get people to like me (like imagining future conversations and things like that). It really helps for social anxiety to not seek approval, but I feel SO disconnected from everyone I talk to because I feel extremely self conscious of how I am interacting, making sure I don't accidentally get high off of an interaction and crash later because of it. This is so confusing. Not even sure if this will make sense.",8.057841781874039,8.08754752995392,8.156509216589864,68.79285906298006,62.17972350230414,11.104301075268816,37.89900153609831,10.686352973137794,4.150007987711215,942,43,162,21,12,307,121,217,0.128,0.741,0.131,0.2121,1,1,2,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,3,13,19,2,1,1,0,17,1,0,7,2,41,39,20,1,3,9,0,5,6,3,3,0,1,0,1,14,6,0,0,13,1,0,0,6,7,0,1,6,7,26,12,24,27,1,19,0,3,1,1,16,6,0,8,18,112,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077322886425015,0.11478752659922555,0.0,0.08655212080902941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914846383779674,0.0,0.103158873448152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998417182710657,0.08685150007503521,0.19022700688044727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305068822586682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13740710522841934,0.0,0.0,0.09939458919248922,0.0,0.10175051819354486,0.0,0.0,0.26297559840206186,0.14862235446060354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410944084559309,0.0,0.10869124345837404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972172697931599,0.10990175917013847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742476265796965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150815852380393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30491050479991805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270979997942565,0.0,0.09388118700176977,0.0,0.277733896772174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163409822201604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663721957646744,0.0,0.0,0.1116774521968112,0.0,0.0,0.0989458662710754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18938993812118346,0.21702895530386374,0.0,0.0,0.0860455718402916,0.0,0.0,0.21206849320389928,0.08813494080089028,0.16015777924694585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19607330771066908,0.0,0.0,0.08360651273093668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821117122654036,0.1333023194227912,0.0,0.08257944790266003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124411342283513,0.0,0.1016114249926005,0.0,0.0,0.0898389975716571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825654214550337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389209609215291,0.0,0.0,0.1339696202812651 bpd,ThatOneDork,2020/04/03,"Very Confused... This is going to be a very “rant”-ish post, so I apologize first and foremost. I have BPD, and this girl I know has quickly became my FP; and I realize that it might be a huge mistake because it’s taking a toll on me mentally/emotionally to the point where I keep having intrusive thoughts in which my inner voice keeps repeating that I should kill myself. I would never act on those thoughts, but my mind equates that saying with some form of happiness; it’s real fucked up... Girl I work with asked *me* for my number, we’ve been texting a ton. Exchanged a lot of private info, but she seems standoffish whenever I try to tell her that I’m into her. She never says that she’s not interested, and she has even discussed a future in which we have kids and are married. She has been saying that her past relationship has her mentally messed up, and she ghosts me for a couple of days every now and then. She never believes the positive affirmations I give her; she always thinks I’m going around sweet talking every girl I see, and that she feels like I’m too “perfect” and “sweet” to really exist. She has gave me legitimate answers and proof on times where she has ghosted me, but it feels like I’m the one that is putting in all the effort. I want this to work so bad... but it feels like I’m always fighting an uphill battle. To any of my fellow BPDs, have you ever had a situation like this? And is it worth fighting through the emotional turmoil if you believe that FP is worth every second of it? I feel like I’m drowning with no support here.",4.029191134952004,5.413708133116884,4.995595708639186,83.09802089215134,71.56493506493507,7.694184076792773,27.352343308865052,8.18289091462,1.768181931112366,1227,43,239,18,23,401,163,308,0.109,0.7390000000000001,0.152,0.9046,0,0,0,0,4,1,38.0,1,2,0,5,11,21,5,2,14,0,23,1,0,0,7,54,50,19,4,5,6,0,4,5,1,3,0,4,0,4,23,17,0,2,12,0,3,4,5,10,0,3,6,11,43,11,27,39,5,33,0,0,1,1,37,15,1,6,18,170,66,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17330620357817164,0.0,0.0,0.0708189993825677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270697778313304,0.09735715594319498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695283034302828,0.06348298203119589,0.0,0.0,0.23466099276250266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116110717607504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522930064239365,0.0,0.06716190119468776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342877214544578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878370954175217,0.09420089576383137,0.2632281730234736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106259311349176,0.2975915064547959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858171632415401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627606223556218,0.0,0.09990089934866796,0.11837070535697608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108593238066021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18512943061280684,0.11521585174884408,0.0,0.057232804981344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543885383937781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853638929635388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494896429099304,0.11047643898928748,0.10515205195809857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24095834075941874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056818662574532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941373412539516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844627834312893,0.0,0.09973765452800692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468980110604774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853450121794515,0.06671496569843613,0.0,0.0,0.11180774708118403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484497244448244,0.0,0.0,0.08298636443743282,0.09480545036009966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170581006065498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817721880399645,0.0,0.0,0.07830057200213099,0.08370405704892395,0.0910232435501398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672892209741965,0.0,0.1653515878734931,0.06072506720588033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070445197144884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185336677853116,0.06142466816355958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163080935210707,0.0,0.0,0.07397830653058078,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,depressed-potato303,2020/04/03,18+ BPD/Stressed and Depressed server We chat regularly and try to help anyone in any way we can. Hit me up for an invite! :),0.2941025641025625,2.495498153846153,2.7669230769230784,90.66141025641028,86.69230769230771,5.005128205128205,20.2051282051282,6.42735559955562,0.1736820512820514,96,3,21,1,3,33,24,26,0.10300000000000001,0.6579999999999999,0.23800000000000002,0.5093,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274621160023582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823703197906597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5086151416527558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3478218755906564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706816069564508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4625908059475174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741769692951981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205448563417728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Melt-My-Mind,2020/04/03,"I think I should go through a psych evaluation I've been creeping here this thread for about a year now, those of you who are diagnosed with BPD are speaking feelings and emotions that I thought only I felt. I think I might have BPD, if not some other disorder. I don't have health insurance as of now, what steps should I look into taking?",8.717263681592037,6.5693143582089615,7.914029850746273,78.10099502487564,62.13432835820896,11.321393034825865,37.25870646766169,9.725611199111238,3.2658497512437816,270,10,55,4,3,84,51,67,0.0,0.96,0.04,0.3089,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,9,2,0,0,0,14,17,3,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,4,9,0,8,11,1,6,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,3,3,41,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5897014893898641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23761462278693266,0.0,0.0,0.2683079719386819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26333991314586314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837200444607507,0.0,0.22478032750048535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304893262953166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24884578406346786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965917010757206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483515198107251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17804963139875934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760200295799176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000138195951917,0.0,0.18585554769501866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15075783251310748 bpd,EinsteinPicasso,2020/04/03,"So horny you want to cry? # Crying from being horny? Has/Does this happen/ed to anyone else? Is there something else thats the real issue because it feels like its just hornyness",2.3526470588235284,5.102427500000005,2.6485294117647062,91.21338235294121,82.82352941176471,3.4000000000000004,17.323529411764707,3.1291,-0.7138,141,3,25,0,4,43,31,34,0.17800000000000002,0.7140000000000001,0.107,-0.5685,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,4,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827428984424031,0.2677852813114215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931732039476787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.574164239135551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4366509332726558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214706477390353,0.18670941354535808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311120823102956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727828451962939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768303875870965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29747498469894457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012009912401891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541517620131206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Silverbearw89,2020/04/03,"Hey! Hey! I saw your post at the BPD community. I recentely lost all my friends after a bad break up. Im an introvert,I'm a 21yo f ,I'm into fitness like you, I like most types of music. I lived in England till 4 months ago but now I'm living in Portugal. I used to to be vegan and now I'm a vegetarian but I still eat plant based most of the time. So yeah,how are you? :)",-2.2917886932344764,-0.5284727831325267,1.8277108433734952,93.33051899907322,102.13253012048193,5.445412418906393,16.023169601482856,7.010146845296331,0.04419443929564393,281,8,71,6,13,105,60,83,0.052000000000000005,0.794,0.155,0.7772,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,0,1,4,5,0,0,6,0,2,1,0,1,1,8,8,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,10,3,11,5,3,17,0,1,1,0,6,6,0,2,11,39,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258995405108629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21278005517240944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209610027793328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26076408283041863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968881039809014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27527002498636705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490030837230667,0.0,0.45005529686159534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781870484909188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20341018736249186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440654726190587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516229279070063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035148835236555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859876440412473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200992135244177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RageQuitPlay,2020/04/03,"I don't know how to title this properly I just need someone that I can talk to Since I can think of I've been the one to get picked on, left out and the one that's being bullied. It already started in kindergarten where my kindergarten teachers always thought that I was the one that did that and that or hit someone blah blah so I usually had to spent my time sitting on a chair inside looking at all the other kids play with each other outside. When I started first grade my teachers always said it was my fault like in kindergarten so my teachers told all the other parents that it was my fault when in reality it was the other kids doing that and bullying started their really too were fifth graders would come to me and insult me and hit me, because I was a rather fat kid I was strong for my age so I defended myself and then I got I'm trouble for that, my teachers even said to my parents that I apparently had ADHD and needed medication and then we went to a psychologist and it came out that i just was Unchallenged because I had a rather high IQ don't want to specify on that, so I then changed school and I've been bullied on that one too but it was not nearly as bad as in first grade. Starting into fifth grade I knew no one so I was the one that again been left out and picked out. But I changed my personality to be friends with the popular kid that I really really hate/d and then I Integrated myself into their friendships in someway so I'd be not as lonely as normal, so since first grade I've been called fat, annoying and all other kinds of things and all of it really hurt me because im a sensitive person but I don't show it to anyone irl. So me as a 12 year old never really had an interaction with a girl so I met the first one on Omegle and instantly had a crush on her but she left me scarred and alone and all of it started with her, I then tried to fill the void up with other relationships and it tore me apart because Everytime they left me so the hold got even bigger I then had my first suicide attempt where my actual dumbness saved me. My parents don't know about all three of mine. So I then had a real life crush on a girl that gave me a bit of attention but she was in my parallel class so after my first try as an inexperienced pseudo depressive 13 year old I got rejected and her whole class made fun of me to this day. After some other stuff that happened I attempted my second suicide where a lifeguard saved me, I didn't knew that they had life guards there... So I then had a really bad phase with 14 where I couldn't stop telling people how shit I am and blah blah you know the drill. And they always left me and I really didn't have anyone to talk to so I just sucked it all up now I'm almost 16 and I can't even see a psychologist because I cant tell it to my parents because I don't want them to worry about me and with my parents I mean my mum because my dad would just make fun of me or insult me or shout at me like he does almost everyday and I can't even get myself some help or really talk to someone because I'm afraid that they'll leave me because I annoy them too much and idk what to and if I left some stuff out I'm really sorry but this is just too much for me and I don't know what to say what to tell what to do and I'm on the verge of self harming again and I started taking random pills again I shaked so hard yesterday for like half an hour that I couldn't move I'm so sorry that I annoyed you guys too..",3.6761500501840096,4.235937627049181,4.937761793241887,86.26886416861828,71.63661202185794,8.05201293632207,26.140961302553805,8.159919018807972,1.3909326642132258,2741,82,602,38,49,912,262,732,0.139,0.787,0.07400000000000001,-0.9915,6,4,0,0,1,2,23.0,1,2,8,9,47,32,8,2,30,0,51,7,3,6,8,113,99,75,2,12,20,7,1,7,1,3,6,4,0,10,50,48,2,3,10,2,1,6,17,20,0,16,42,7,104,12,77,47,15,88,0,4,2,0,53,40,3,11,44,439,154,7,0.0,0.0,0.052197626139440616,0.0,0.06428347959730625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071231741782803,0.055398555366550695,0.059026529815944986,0.0,0.13352159831977553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748016167693161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932229503711953,0.2934580200328783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058396221756030285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546183310674306,0.061177257810231166,0.0,0.0,0.11316870837810797,0.04607610613080088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03449603152709085,0.0,0.046070066183311435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04680865432149811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131613135991564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729867044874719,0.0,0.0,0.041325530484591984,0.0,0.05589167318787002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834031067131174,0.0,0.0,0.05296259869246689,0.04730021675009729,0.0,0.0479157093099024,0.05280939257299337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03585260278960953,0.056514149722298776,0.0,0.0,0.05267596919689159,0.0,0.05726116637480145,0.0,0.057777385119072384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05570064564737538,0.1175847979226916,0.0,0.0,0.05663721245445686,0.3486962512409099,0.0,0.0755618380585561,0.0783961878785209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04491735558965079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050612660761298535,0.03570437621667493,0.0,0.0,0.058265288927539176,0.0,0.05388462071381943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056850426945303185,0.07864125659252219,0.07932295005170119,0.041254075955242435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052407941544781365,0.0,0.0,0.11225558315327314,0.0,0.2537190941805443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969664663976478,0.0,0.0,0.03708259313463093,0.09340920288610034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06088228323390056,0.3083982685439021,0.0,0.0,0.05742725413780561,0.0,0.0,0.10176072781854928,0.042536663271346815,0.0,0.05413380455590382,0.04262387146626459,0.0,0.05580077592356335,0.0,0.05490577191076798,0.08849343935241262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596337159107486,0.0,0.0,0.11975329157890065,0.2271590765757791,0.0,0.0,0.04471926592132648,0.0,0.0,0.12246439878682808,0.11701674367440484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04021713132487085,0.1289774890023577,0.14025544051090896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035535767957540015,0.0342736426380891,0.0,0.042464354692729515,0.03118991266710072,0.0,0.0,0.05111110811715715,0.0,0.0726311483423491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05891066468551626,0.0,0.06309849041851846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04958491299855658,0.0,0.05971864755990431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054320757111770326,0.0,0.07599421544074918,0.0,0.0,0.06889042755989025 bpd,original_anaphora,2020/04/03,"fucking done So today was utterly shit. first thing in the morning my parents find out about my self harm, and I'm just so fucking annoyed at myself for doing it in the first place. but this is all just making me want to do it more, which will only make things worse. (also sorry if I was supposed to put some sort of warning about the self harm mention, I don't really know how this works sorry.)",6.880125,5.577752762500001,6.960000000000001,80.78500000000003,65.125,9.0,31.25,7.1686216300943375,1.877625,311,9,62,2,4,100,61,80,0.22899999999999998,0.755,0.016,-0.9597,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,8,6,4,0,3,0,8,3,1,3,1,15,15,7,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,6,0,2,3,0,6,0,10,11,3,9,0,0,0,2,4,5,3,3,3,48,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541728803867976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18608533287280146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619835795531912,0.3093458216857034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362160817920722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993444369232572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24275906665695535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829742437521728,0.0,0.0,0.2019116698009653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899839741749298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18279930604840025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649128476577493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793973097228267,0.0,0.18665602589232128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4071097211777516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416126754311333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723629462754685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725387378640562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238159988977774,0.0,0.18531037490144545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,xshrekisherex,2020/04/03,I hate my face Hi I was diagnosed with bpd a couple of weeks ago and I have this extreme hate for myself I cry all the time and just want to punch the mirror all the time and no one seems to care it's like I feel I hate myself so much I smash my head on my wardrobe is anyone else had experiences like this?,0.05067226890756515,1.9058618823529407,1.9073949579831933,98.68970588235297,84.58823529411767,5.0621848739495805,15.596638655462186,6.1826913282559595,-0.8040067226890755,240,4,60,2,7,79,48,68,0.21600000000000005,0.659,0.125,-0.836,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,4,0,4,3,2,0,2,10,11,4,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,1,12,3,6,9,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,39,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629578833025272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390620471579921,0.2037768347517044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25048334706785264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027721830507586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200577711382685,0.2184611691607431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018597785449621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613934985134746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945435392915864,0.0,0.0,0.10056008474206594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5890607094511066,0.20410903034087374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19432618075427652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620023744351834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347667457457225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810535686817122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319379336167079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173050213237838,0.0,0.15953014427367745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,4twenky,2020/04/03,"I’m proud I didn’t cancel my DR appoint over the phone today, but embarrassed to talk to my family or friends about it I have a parent diognosed cluster b with traits of c whatever that means, anyone know? I’ve been struggling with a lot of things for a long time. I just always just I’m good every thing is fine all the time. I’ve tried seeking help in the past but all I would admit to was depression. I’ve booked and cancelled many appointments, today I spilled the tea.. I am being referred to a physiatrist and psychologist, he believes I may have BPD as well as anxiety ocd and possibly adhd. Anyone relate? Unfortunately the referral to see a specialists is a long wait time here. Like 2 years.. any advice what to do in the meantime. Thank you",2.884285714285713,5.180756714285717,4.3186054421768745,82.8019897959184,77.09523809523809,7.737414965986395,25.465986394557824,8.634040054169528,2.0192394557823135,595,22,113,13,14,197,101,147,0.134,0.691,0.174,0.7476,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,1,5,10,0,2,12,0,12,2,0,0,2,20,20,8,0,1,5,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,5,5,1,1,4,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,3,1,10,7,17,14,3,12,0,1,1,0,8,3,0,3,10,69,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978534446841974,0.16087467467799504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369854708799052,0.0,0.0,0.1119541456378269,0.0,0.12594161214568295,0.0,0.0,0.2302264538022392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854817999992599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20734590749418924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179570471756298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870799962146435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519865125737792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719284349568655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380839568116244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034811754520768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047642355873138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042997422790854,0.0,0.0,0.2913849996743187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996266408659838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16690912973651773,0.0,0.17933049349613495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18280229601924253,0.0,0.15715810397928776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855957550552031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118891273785854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210717509591106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323234763980428,0.0,0.15156932096469758,0.0,0.0,0.2187459093360043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28799148860217044,0.0,0.3121002600677453,0.0,0.0,0.11177306347543202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802227379519847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694853324068745,0.0,0.0,0.10601641731184863 bpd,youllneverfindmedyke,2020/04/03,"No clue who i am My lack of self identity really began in high school because of how badly middle school fucked me over. To where i’m at now (F23) I still haven’t a clue who i am. When I was in high school, the bull shit thing people would say to me when i brought this up was “you’re still young, everyone’s figuring their self out as a teenager” which yes! is very true. But i knew how different this was because i literally felt like multiple people living inside of me. I remember always (and still sometimes now) taking the “personality quizzes” on buzzfeed just to look for security and i couldn’t even answer the questions because they made me so confused. I don’t know if i’m actually shy. I know i’m shy because i have anxiety, but i used to not be shy. I don’t know if i’m actually hyper, or if i’m just like that with my best friend. If i’m sensitive, or what. I’m different around literally everyone. All my life i never spent my own money on clothes or decorations or anything because i knew i’d be disgusted with the purchase and be like oh that’s totally not me. I have no interest in anything, have no clue what job i want, everything is so taken away from me because i can’t figure myself out",2.3371586308428443,4.22631337651822,4.506045270518957,82.75348822230401,77.17813765182186,8.053662127346339,26.611888111888113,8.841846274778883,2.1394874493927127,952,38,195,22,22,329,131,247,0.09699999999999999,0.763,0.14,0.9275,3,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,2,1,16,13,3,1,6,1,19,3,1,4,4,46,42,20,0,8,14,0,1,3,1,1,1,1,0,3,10,8,0,1,11,0,3,1,11,5,0,0,11,3,32,8,24,26,5,27,0,0,1,1,10,16,2,10,13,130,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.21689933354910126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247146480251944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501635450749444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829057940245465,0.0989318311292199,0.0,0.0,0.10441300577517833,0.0,0.09279131877028234,0.4064734591552331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662710873960133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23222042734455825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340222386220435,0.0,0.0,0.21238447238869493,0.0998790731061396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670499965537644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586099295709397,0.10274056342507394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23483599384606216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028224243889778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832271852517253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849644480413517,0.16288174540942393,0.0,0.09813237542752877,0.0,0.09332363569712006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515662492913178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857125337172659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409110206826973,0.0970369504890145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449426759601386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119457324678548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589189711166662,0.0,0.0,0.08837733243185121,0.0,0.3374172447790938,0.0,0.0,0.23187167701863104,0.0,0.11407631166627002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099132670801432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662526017709542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835581004998042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383175210454637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598313275501448,0.0,0.09169627069978116,0.06554905621172409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894561449333164,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,blublebubbles,2020/04/03,"My psychiatrist said you could only be diagnosed with bpd if you're 25 or older. Is it true? I'm 19 and I have a lot of BPD symptoms. I've been hospitalized 3 times and I have a history of self destructive and impulsive behavior. I brought up BPD with my psychiatrist and she said that even though I seemed to have a lot of the symptoms our personalities aren't truly formed until we're 25 and she couldn't diagnose me. She also said that the symptoms would most likely disappear even though I've had them for years and years. I honestly felt a little unheard. She told me to look up other cluster b disorders so I could see that I would probably relate to other disorders as well and that it didn't mean anything, but I don't relate to any disorder as much as BPD. Should I bring it up again or should I just leave it and accept what she said?",3.683940620782725,5.0910385906432785,5.135321637426902,81.67331983805671,72.4502923976608,9.004228520017994,26.604138551506967,9.466822959209583,2.2595277552856485,673,23,137,16,13,226,96,171,0.07,0.873,0.055999999999999994,-0.2851,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,1,1,0,9,6,1,0,6,0,17,5,0,0,1,30,30,20,0,8,5,0,1,1,0,4,5,4,0,2,11,10,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,1,1,0,10,7,22,5,17,12,5,13,0,0,2,0,15,4,0,7,7,99,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210731715957363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982095345004755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449087976894243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5172506608926559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395158493373355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20842124852264715,0.0,0.0,0.3530154111149769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135628693540068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985818885039534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871555932117953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050160692617155785,0.10290501355336666,0.0,0.0,0.08621920508683027,0.0,0.0,0.17457730749066908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184066447234006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547624455433162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808721121595748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089649837071994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069853077676524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906609793206139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181684489884129,0.0934693654826292,0.10711001304953212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320148728577807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201750803233564,0.0,0.05986927417215724,0.0,0.0,0.0981081600890964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923150833704612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458714735203239,0.0,0.0,0.13223569874790533 bpd,ziggywitchybusiness,2020/04/03,"I hate elearning! I basically got a 2.5 quarterly GPA for quarter 3 due to the sudden shift to elearning and the increase in work! I’m currently crying in my room because I usually get 3.5 or above. Not this. And no one else felt this kind of pressure or stress. No one else was damn near suicidal and could barely get up in the morning, so why the fuck was I? So now I’m dealing with the repercussions of my failures. Parents are mad as hell, and I want to just explode and push everyone away because I feel like an absolute failure. And I am! My parents were right. God, they were so right. I’ll never be able to survive on my own. I’ll never go to college to get my masters. I’m gonna end up a fucking failure. I’m just gonna die before 25. Jesus! Fuck me. I should’ve never attempted recovery. I should’ve just finished what I started.",1.0600367197062432,3.3563119069767424,3.1707588739290102,88.45355569155448,84.0,5.946634026927785,27.075887392900853,7.273561745256523,1.5726697674418606,656,31,133,10,19,222,105,172,0.268,0.68,0.053,-0.9924,3,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,4,8,11,7,2,8,0,8,3,0,0,3,20,27,12,2,2,6,2,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,0,2,0,0,3,6,9,0,4,6,2,17,2,19,17,2,25,2,0,0,3,4,11,5,2,12,81,20,3,0.14341821064002508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474612993510285,0.0,0.0,0.1748528200929102,0.0,0.1220383340043201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450777115004765,0.0,0.15753816998771247,0.0,0.14785787769736938,0.0,0.0,0.14884545982902986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396150239338083,0.0,0.12702596584686573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370422463189379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251655653466645,0.1024579983375474,0.13770397319321787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39776347417933655,0.22479028707318768,0.0,0.08150787418068743,0.0,0.1147046445517056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159579104316594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493479965927232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006689338507709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318388964934633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436778244429168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31849790102961795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449567365255836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151214766048884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428507572859555,0.0,0.0,0.15687624472266828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579548970478067,0.0,0.0845917764731953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941262782695634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441016544858303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,409inches,2020/04/03,"Just wanted to rant.. I woke up this morning, feeling better than usual. My SO and I have been having a hard time, and today turned out no different. We got intimate, had fun, and fell back into bed. When she asked me to go get a bath ready, I gave her a kiss and got up. 4 minutes later she came in crying and told me to get out. I went back to bed and cried. What did I do wrong? What happened? Why am I fucked? Am I worse for her? Shes better off with someone else. Get out, get to safety. Hey away from me. Took the dog for a walk and when I got back she had started class, so I went to sleep. 4 hours later she wanted to talk but i couldn't. I started to melt down and when I got up she told me ""Your just going to hit yourself again. Or me."" I ran into my office crying, and slammed my head into the door 7 times. The room got dizzy and everything got quiet. I'm sitting here, listening to music, trying to make it all stop. The misery, pain, self loathing, that I'm the biggest most disgusting fucking monster anyone has ever known.",0.11638888888888844,2.27975289814815,2.037933333333335,95.84040000000002,87.14814814814815,4.381925925925927,17.436296296296295,5.6839178017228535,-0.506040148148148,790,19,176,5,25,261,130,216,0.191,0.753,0.057,-0.9866,1,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,1,1,0,2,13,9,3,0,9,0,12,6,2,1,2,33,48,17,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,5,19,0,1,2,1,0,9,2,5,0,0,19,4,31,4,29,27,2,43,0,0,0,3,18,15,2,2,18,113,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459607287027911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973532528926556,0.0,0.10023331732476784,0.2461006927392273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18870700983963964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220183033126058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515627511694787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114622819758612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912095932293805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650196629642424,0.0,0.0,0.0958808795362857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05394273680393952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972556468316705,0.2229523641887077,0.0,0.12126217830753107,0.0,0.5119506010976271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943404853494456,0.0,0.0955680879020463,0.0,0.10948876715076307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506244668058473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121253162911534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135195101374289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129488711050772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676124562267954,0.0,0.09039317609203584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102325111189402,0.0,0.0,0.08919276784244724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574871848841424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441682940131772,0.0,0.10112414693597713,0.20388264907943265,0.11853007114263785,0.07243156857299919,0.1160417739926615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749757359576195,0.0,0.12585020999693686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19779464364861454,0.09626589644584806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872031364760816,0.0,0.11664242466317043,0.0,0.0 bpd,Alluringgaze,2020/04/03,"I understand I'm new but I want to thank you for accepting me into your community If anyone needs to talk or needs someone to listen hit me up I have no problem listening I've gone through some dark and fucked up shit like all of you. You guys have been kind to me and accepted me into your community and I'd like to pay your kidness back. Also just a heads up I used to work in a bunch of the Nightclubs out here in Las Vegas so if your ever out here and need a hook up let me know I'll call my old bosses and help you out.",2.5906304347826072,3.1550266173913077,4.484076086956524,88.5174184782609,74.13043478260869,7.836956521739133,23.94021739130435,8.07648339933343,1.0205000000000006,411,11,97,6,8,141,73,115,0.14,0.672,0.188,0.6652,0,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,8,0,1,7,9,2,0,4,0,4,3,2,2,2,29,18,11,0,7,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,10,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,2,2,18,6,21,14,3,16,0,0,0,1,15,11,2,4,6,67,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264424668664715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220919135821652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638794894740538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20767542280238005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839703628280426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802307512591745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20137982727065895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087282673230599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363224451824726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117907103551564,0.11177324602604413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20797153540077026,0.0,0.19872401988588198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4524147900889186,0.0,0.19642728262803189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21341484843707825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946087893010289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087683598713847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17232462758064207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347048104591613,0.0,0.18724651501272416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21172748937510014,0.0,0.17565646108197802,0.0,0.0,0.11995977742051316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806427681087647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lectorsaurus612,2020/04/03,"Question Hello, I was previously diagnosed with emotion dysregulation disorder—is that the same thing as BPD or different? (I’m just confused as the internet has said that it is. Thank you!) (Sorry about the incorrect flair. There wasn’t one called ‘question’ and I’ll take my post elsewhere if it’s not relevant!)",4.347559523809527,7.383462446428571,5.3285714285714265,73.48309523809526,76.32142857142857,9.447619047619048,32.54761904761905,9.725611199111238,4.066604761904763,251,13,41,8,6,82,46,56,0.043,0.899,0.057999999999999996,0.1984,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,10,8,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,1,3,1,4,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,5,0,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107724464999824,0.0,0.2519589000067032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25044562028855805,0.0,0.2578007834801428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775600555260847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672038950792767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23631788091136716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5528319810973084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23471534688042006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762159427862322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552496885211528,0.0,0.0,0.2271738529098299,0.0,0.0,0.16392945061652234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wittyid2016,2020/04/03,"How do you deal with horribly inappropriate behavior (e.g. racism)? First time poster in this sub. I just finished reading ""Eggshells"" and am currently reading ""Splitting."" Opened my eyes. Been married for 17 years and am currently (1 month) into divorce. We have a nearly 14-year old. We had been separated for 1 year but they moved back in the marital home a couple of weeks ago on account of COVID. My STBX is undiagnosed but certainly exhibits many of the behaviors. Whether they have BPD or not, it's definitely helped me better understand how to cope and interact. So about 4 months ago I started dating. Didn't share with STBX or my son because, well, not their business right now. With my STBX moving back into the house, they decided to go through my work emails and discovered my dating. That's been explosive to say the least. Lots and lots of rage and drama. Occasional regret, remorse and self doubt but always on a repeating cycle. The ""new"" thing that is very difficult to handle is the raw behavior expressed in front of our 14-year old. The person I'm dating is African American and my STBX is using horrifically racist language and behavior. Confronting them on this is unhelpful as the attention fuels them and seems like an incentive. But then ignoring sends mixed signals to my kid as I would normally confront bigotry anywhere. So I feel stuck (again). I'm currently working on getting my SBTX back out of the house (easier said than done). But I'm curious if the community has any advice in the meantime. Thanks in advance!",5.2517026378896885,7.723518169064746,5.566348920863309,75.78583033573143,70.54676258992805,9.237649880095924,33.166067146282984,9.725611199111238,3.6770211031175055,1233,60,205,32,24,392,178,278,0.151,0.775,0.073,-0.9758,3,0,0,0,1,0,46.0,3,1,6,5,12,13,3,1,15,0,19,1,1,3,1,47,32,26,0,4,12,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,3,6,19,0,1,5,3,1,6,3,7,1,1,8,4,24,6,34,23,3,48,0,1,1,0,24,15,0,7,28,135,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953707224252574,0.21687199566077076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178632629109173,0.0,0.0,0.08318693306914694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821870198771821,0.0,0.07456974291222296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081887826967788,0.0,0.0,0.15406727487054991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535311432969674,0.0,0.0,0.12611433915199174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518356130702402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185248799300343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405175689084112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391109927883122,0.0,0.06952156928033583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199358242825075,0.0,0.1227045129400777,0.0,0.0,0.2822991518975453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597630650006907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20799702776915147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402094201083284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19528137671848686,0.26002966619605544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814471613798205,0.0,0.0,0.1198550325666266,0.0,0.0,0.2567243852370112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681170376029596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447213197318667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446706468688263,0.11636151876213448,0.09727978263192387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136241294645073,0.12761431986117935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658407395989376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262277860808555,0.0,0.0,0.08126899283368551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133018180596415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734730021286272,0.0,0.10565173256319924,0.0,0.1009330451189079,0.0,0.0,0.09812378697292476,0.0,0.10998716405534914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811183578935472,0.0,0.0,0.0868979862407247,0.0,0.0,0.31509974234207155 bpd,sparky385,2020/04/03,Am I over reacting I was chatting to a friend about my mental health and I identify with most of the bpd criteria but he told me that I couldn't have bpd or anything similar because I function to well. But I feel like I only look like I'm function on the surface and I'm actually not. I guess my question is do you live normal lives to the out side world. I've been diagnosed with clinical depression a few years ago and I hide that pretty well. I fell like my concerns where being ignored and overlooked and not valid but I dont know if I'm wrong or not.,2.2761206896551758,4.002139887931033,3.9891724137931033,87.12306896551725,76.8448275862069,7.398620689655173,27.11724137931035,8.238735603445708,1.7899510344827587,441,18,93,8,10,148,76,116,0.126,0.698,0.17600000000000002,0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,4,9,0,0,5,0,9,3,0,1,0,26,17,11,0,3,9,0,1,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,8,0,1,3,1,0,1,5,3,2,0,3,2,16,6,10,12,2,10,0,1,1,0,6,7,0,6,5,61,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.1702393178120068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464056430047068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355856741972564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634390197362932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4394306467024816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025466134512208,0.17706441180140375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044556410657646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820782616477119,0.12462805376353445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478065265118247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19217779047118494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18543358934591714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095873880020649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556843008118518,0.0,0.3080874131735838,0.0,0.1464951672912117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758058933858978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709252484525098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267808557113694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747970298080856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19542539702873726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669570672115247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31370536455858783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19073512631592973,0.0,0.11234092677168317 bpd,liltooter,2020/04/03,"Am I being explosive or am I right? So my boyfriend of 3 years and I havent been able to see each other since the UK went on lockdown. It's been hard. But I feel like it's been harder than it had to be. I feel like it could all be because my BPD is overreacting to not being with my FP or it's because of a lot of little issues that's making me feel upset. Any advice or opinions are much appreciated. So for context, I've always struggled to be able to talk to him about my BPD. I started to question if I had it about a year ago. Maybe less hard to say. Its not new, but I'm still learning. I feel like he hasn't really put any effort in to understand it. Like when his mum found out she bought a book so that she could understand me better. When I told him i thought I might have it he told me that, I'm not that bad so he doubts I have it. He never asked my why or how. That was it. Hes not a bad person, hes amazing. Like one of the nicest people I know. It's just I feel like I've been really clear on how I find it hard to talk to him about these things because of the way hes acted with it in the past. When I get really upset he sometimes gets annoyed cause he doesn't understand why I'm upset. And I have to keep reminding him I can't help that I'm just programmed with too much feelings. Even on our anniversary I tried to talk to him about something and he got all angry and shut me down and kept on telling me I had no right to be upset over something before I had the chance to explain what it is I was upset about. What's really upsetting me is I've repeatedly asked him to look into bpd. I'm not good with words and I feel like bpd is new enough to me that I dont really feel like the words I use will properly explain it. I've sent him videos and stuff but like it doesn't seem like hes put much effort in. When he told me he had ocd I spent a long time trying to understand it. And when an issue comes up that I think might be stemming from that I'm really gentle with him.i just dont feel the same respect is given to me. Like today I sent him a meme and he asked me what a favourite person was today. Like this is definitely something I've spoke about before. I can remember the conversations. How can he really know me if he hasn't put in any time trying to understand one of my biggest daily and mental struggles. I'm just sick of arguing with him and I'm not sure if this is something I'm upset at or if its something I'm using to be upset at?",1.5538408246029078,2.8397769609665424,3.5667404528556936,91.2689278472457,77.71747211895911,6.675295708009464,20.963332206826628,7.348242739294969,0.4305338289962824,1927,47,450,24,44,656,203,538,0.11699999999999999,0.746,0.13699999999999998,0.9354,0,1,5,0,0,0,36.0,1,0,0,3,25,32,2,11,16,0,52,1,0,7,5,93,109,35,0,6,22,1,12,12,0,3,1,2,0,2,37,21,0,2,26,2,2,8,16,15,0,2,26,16,63,17,59,70,10,49,0,0,2,0,52,20,0,16,32,285,100,3,0.11444226217148087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05591582704450146,0.05072308018202178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04761256495257474,0.0,0.0,0.11673699400349286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604820998407871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555450865670212,0.10464441120759116,0.0,0.09738193603703653,0.0,0.0,0.05060744041944268,0.0,0.0,0.2882720459273417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05878186391104232,0.0,0.049290937725156775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091372834092301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412547894348156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591247245840738,0.0,0.03779401741679144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603945086161017,0.24527272488585344,0.0,0.0,0.05229907716417197,0.0,0.0,0.06274001675005372,0.0,0.0,0.059791358554417626,0.0,0.0,0.04799436991654295,0.045764965779071465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537766822317671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03835411799709535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194479886738672,0.0,0.05086077046116573,0.0,0.0,0.06289447436572908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354642515702268,0.05735060587842551,0.0,0.05063890036689514,0.04805133860190013,0.0,0.0,0.04864735940208477,0.0,0.0,0.03819554932909655,0.0,0.057486317218386374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05766544158076204,0.12140515500321375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619234588723838,0.0,0.04413246386415939,0.11052904994008976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754903863641978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054624044327280505,0.03966992748253418,0.09992656908430636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725691239708737,0.06410076248707733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25660125263028605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482038692728455,0.0977330665925477,0.0,0.04550454012741194,0.0,0.0,0.045597833030519085,0.05209196866507192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04733391094097747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202581114066652,0.056593161784330576,0.0,0.04050141109803248,0.0,0.04569686920062063,0.0,0.0,0.11963990050072222,0.06550450505750438,0.0,0.0,0.053930238864040005,0.0,0.0,0.13797653300638849,0.050013790692382584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038015176899677865,0.03666499031173587,0.0,0.04542718641971142,0.06673220339248392,0.0,0.10847788315608026,0.16403172873037816,0.0,0.1165481757405764,0.0,0.0,0.2978460773591463,0.0,0.09884137019802497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04541947043144424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05304456179046238,0.10326634125457132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369706470148181 bpd,flirtywithfungi,2020/04/03,"Quarantine depressive episode Hey y’all. This is my first time posting on this thread. I’m super new to BPD and your comments have really helped me feel a little more supported. Most of us are in the same spot: already struggling with BPD in our highly structured daily tasks, but now throw in a little deadly virus and being housebound for a month. This all seems like a recipe for disaster. I spent a total of 17 days with my FP since this quarantine order went into effect. We lived in the woods for about 6 days and he stayed with me at my house for the rest of the time. He’s starting to take more space (which I feel is a good thing), and even though I feel like he completes me and gives my life meaning in so many ways, sometimes I can’t stand him. I feel this lurking depressive episode coming on. The suicidal ideation began happening last night. I could feel myself “giving up”, wishing that the virus would take me or that I could just stop having to struggle in the way that I am. I absolutely hate myself, out of the blue. My face, my hair, my clothes. My unstable sense of self is really prevalent right now. I keep going over what I think is wrong with me, why I act the way I do and how I need to change my behaviors. Having BPD is so incredibly exhausting. I’m reaching out here to connect and hear how y’all are dealing with this quarantine and perhaps what coping skills you’ve implemented. Thanks a bunch.",3.9484336167429688,5.652117636690651,4.321635055591893,86.58534990189669,72.27338129496403,7.50058862001308,25.945716154349252,8.150884317080207,1.5242388489208634,1125,37,223,17,22,353,164,278,0.147,0.765,0.08800000000000001,-0.9654,0,3,0,0,0,0,29.0,3,3,0,4,11,13,1,2,16,0,17,4,2,3,2,43,45,15,2,5,3,0,6,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,13,18,0,2,9,0,1,5,1,7,0,1,3,8,37,6,34,38,8,45,0,2,1,0,18,19,0,3,16,146,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475697308178917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929201635123366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000899478203108,0.08957928727054587,0.10903288777432432,0.0,0.0,0.16605716449376245,0.0,0.0,0.13413155656369122,0.10721045249547878,0.17913508930170458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868526547748909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629056009923331,0.0742913974866616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845493711680323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19951583998353756,0.0591006458968775,0.08722295919983274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195915323633716,0.0,0.0,0.1026698682924702,0.0,0.0,0.11720574031769385,0.0,0.06970316883049905,0.10987250611961484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999198512054265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243223558347444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476677989244474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345212265683497,0.10160978179521417,0.20845318170935634,0.09182621320615153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054308447501144,0.0,0.11327699957814702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300485457366158,0.0,0.0,0.07710822296546563,0.0,0.10043543471958083,0.0,0.09758877996190828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959490880903916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332389648899978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888079924238992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946697636704762,0.10848559386043237,0.0,0.0,0.08602266869952856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285004365903253,0.0,0.07360556944246259,0.1108408773638849,0.0,0.0869413738461846,0.0,0.21742854793577845,0.0,0.11374959146196348,0.1180080821610343,0.0,0.0,0.15637701458195055,0.0,0.0,0.09574120704323008,0.0,0.0,0.0690871914655998,0.066633418869418,0.10217091323894688,0.0,0.1212763135330025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508871629904544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476303339251273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640096654811484,0.09383596331846863,0.0,0.11958484997650146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387242789724317,0.11369814946072285,0.0,0.0 bpd,jentheobnoxious,2020/04/03,I self harmed and it's the worst it's ever been Guys I fucking hit myself in the head and I started fucking bleeding and it was right in front of my boyfriend and fuck he started blaming himself and freaking out so bad and he was so hurt. I hit myself in the fucking temple too which could have killed me. I would have fucking died by self harm on front of my fucking boyfriend which is so awful and I'm so fucking mad at myself. I don't know whats fucking wrong with me. I feel unheard and I just lose my shit. Like I go into full on child mode and I literally can't use words I just fucking hurt people. I hate my brain so fucking much and I'm so tired of fucking being this way. I'm so fucking tired of being the problem. I FUCKING HATE BPD. FUCK BPD AND FUCK PEOPLE THAT CAUSE TRAUMA INCLUDING ME.,0.2885714285714265,2.6202254761904804,1.9288095238095235,95.48285714285713,88.88095238095238,3.676190476190476,22.285714285714285,4.892091775363687,-0.06239999999999979,632,24,134,2,21,205,86,168,0.425,0.564,0.012,-0.9983,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,11,32,20,0,4,1,12,21,3,2,1,25,40,18,2,3,2,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,4,8,14,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,31,0,0,3,1,24,1,14,31,3,17,0,3,0,15,7,10,16,0,4,87,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05410324311539687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322047806465165,0.07233548956764624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656492757199127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05173556670987964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724962104411966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861308878725144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03276358547974787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8985642872304734,0.0,0.0,0.03682593783551846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415975657345004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794832035902118,0.06650097481435636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873422326014498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168888250473182,0.0,0.03561103588998954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031656807223394916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249187779672439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047633650955311836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898449172573783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06200249904786296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055336749009582235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519594159848802,0.0,0.06651374832884285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172807110655536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489504907440613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05596427376226803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051433274797183536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04603031652563423,0.07084594289138359,0.0,0.0 bpd,meganface_,2020/04/03,"my boyfriend started a new job recently like a month and a half ago my boyfriend started a new office job. due to the current pandemic people are off working from home and so his colleagues have made a group chat and added him. and he talks quite a lot in it and most of the people in the chat are girls and they're all like 19-23 (me and my boyfriend are 24), skinny and very conventionally pretty. everyone in the chat jokes about stuff but like he's quite jokey with the girls and had said a couple times how X found this funny or Y laughed at this etc. and I KNOW that it's not anything serious logically but I just think like, I know he loves my personality but some of these girls are probably funnier or more fun than me plus! they're a lot prettier so idk. I'm just in my feelings and needed to ramble it all out",2.337142857142858,4.236899857142859,3.3875238095238096,90.72414285714287,77.21428571428572,6.622857142857143,23.7,7.554174236665415,0.8915685714285715,648,21,142,9,15,208,101,168,0.013000000000000001,0.741,0.247,0.9914,3,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,6,9,0,0,13,0,6,2,1,2,2,37,18,20,0,1,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,1,4,8,14,1,0,6,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,2,12,8,16,14,8,17,1,0,0,1,16,7,0,6,14,86,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517694854033002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254897715124329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873198325834787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17007139487405046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571478752208994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710567296664579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720207024508446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529641628540377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026540187934941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16761369960771152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980039442196021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592903102461566,0.13763201123344648,0.14429374318895988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217194526712914,0.0,0.0,0.11307255152749257,0.0,0.2945597870308109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21144061940488426,0.1331520940610059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514147135530593,0.16441458973947867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243928040677429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505696713695482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505694924657295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158724251036312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456942830645572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256909895223887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771215570536093,0.0,0.0,0.0889206214567181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582372384675214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101762764511904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,insaneoverthinking,2020/04/03,"Rage Mode Was just having my wonderful little epiphany, where everything felt like it made sense. Life couldn’t feel better & I wanted to share it. Big. Fucking. Mistake. All it took was “you know drugs give you BPD, look at your 5 time rehab recovered sister. Don’t put yourself into a box.” (Btw, I’ve only ever smoked weed, she did EVERYTHING, so it’s not even a fair comparison) It took everything in me not to instantly break something & Im usually never mad. I’m always sad before mad, but this time just felt like I was robbed of my peace of mind for absolutely no reason. I already haven’t eaten in 4 days, with or without weed. I lost the interest to pursue the things I know that made me happy. Finding out other people hurt as bad as me was such a relief & now, over some well intended words, I’m crying and want to bleed.",2.7447188755020093,4.797105078313255,4.15130120481928,85.01076706827313,76.5301204819277,7.077269076305221,22.512449799196787,8.021203637495839,1.2206478714859434,657,19,128,11,15,217,121,166,0.129,0.665,0.20600000000000002,0.9119,0,0,3,0,0,0,29.0,0,3,0,2,9,17,4,0,5,0,9,6,0,4,3,32,28,6,0,4,7,1,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,9,4,1,0,8,0,0,3,8,9,1,0,13,4,14,8,17,14,2,20,0,3,1,1,7,9,1,3,9,72,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741343506706755,0.0,0.10361251422581652,0.40475952285472294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397090450173344,0.0,0.0,0.10595929081982136,0.0,0.0,0.11012983958361837,0.0,0.0,0.1568314555690447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367818800964586,0.08030657067424159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440631437155882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224579312516746,0.11263753346269692,0.0,0.0,0.33573779452413194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296220745554207,0.0,0.2391218376040521,0.0,0.11381111019890157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511884355008987,0.0,0.1194531198678852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255628509333645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330367873638416,0.0,0.1345054331189892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686837973201768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795377061792671,0.12167059463083107,0.12480404013848916,0.0,0.0,0.10456735547471634,0.0,0.13593078086586952,0.0,0.0,0.2356519888524933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573200790781788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603926073926566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470480695136352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632807179607555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517928709350026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280296454602844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586333659699406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272707133585758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521988849394932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766976750225953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714370168402182,0.0,0.1468929368369012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196048639923706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003503664206205,0.13503910349389314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ArguablyEpic,2020/04/03,"DAE intensely idealize (and desire to inhabit) fictional worlds? I feel kind of silly about this, even childish, and I'm genuinely not sure if it has to do with my BPD, something else entirely, or if it's an entirely normal experience that I'm just not handling well. Sometimes if I'm reading a book, watching a movie/show, or playing a game that takes place in a fictional world (especially one with fantasy elements) I'll find myself feeling depressed during the experience and for potentially days afterward, feeling like the fictional world had some essential ""real-ness"" or authenticity that's missing from the actual physical world. If the story/world is well constructed and conveyed, it just seems so much tidier and more compelling than the minutiae of real life. I've found that this feeling can hit especially hard if there's a romantic aspect/plot in the story, like there's something genuinely heartwarming, compelling, even a little magical about love in these stories, something that I don't know if I've ever felt in my real-world romantic relationships, past and present. I don't know if this means anything about my current SO/relationship, if it's just a result of splitting, or if it's something about me and romantic relationships in general. Like I said at the start, I know this is kind of cheesy or childish, and I feel pretty embarrassed about it all, but I didn't really know who else to talk to about it. Is it just me, or have others experienced this too?",14.433555555555555,9.258515540740746,13.32925925925926,52.931666666666715,54.7037037037037,17.48148148148148,51.48148148148147,14.712192995108573,7.2292592592592575,1196,58,194,37,9,394,139,270,0.061,0.821,0.11800000000000001,0.8863,1,0,4,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,0,1,19,16,0,1,15,0,11,2,0,3,3,58,33,25,0,12,22,0,7,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,21,10,0,0,14,5,0,0,5,3,2,1,5,10,13,13,25,27,4,19,0,2,1,1,7,12,0,17,10,129,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.105528315141994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898939409949587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13619760806219325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974087435344845,0.0,0.09314018323012402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18067294548433074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428499181644625,0.09781814866145107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21156188645379176,0.0,0.0,0.27339228672736393,0.07725470650449268,0.1038306448120996,0.0,0.098837321401821,0.0,0.0,0.11856911319515195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968715331766186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252207896116311,0.2377220293111678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638195497674674,0.15849413531326126,0.1083839442902884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975999010974848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779535251965735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949479624502931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595351130541196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327795892124142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323115661286104,0.0,0.0,0.11298250685347297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001650070137507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816852059370917,0.3692584460359167,0.06927677682592567,0.0,0.0,0.3483032747239034,0.0,0.0,0.10286519664349647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844591775952838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33300353167030244,0.10695248986639926,0.0,0.07654152239355093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191996954649313,0.0,0.0813072628479386,0.08691823819282553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944603573272656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rshuks,2020/04/03,"Low self worth As much as I’m aware that I should have inherent value, I have an extremely hard time actually thinking and feeling it. I seem to only feel good enough to exist if I have a boyfriend. Because they validate my existence for me. When I’m in a relationship I think I’m great, I feel warm and loved, and then I start splitting on them and going between “you’re a nasty person”, to “I’m an unlovable person”, and then I lose them and whilst they move on because I turned out to be super damaged, I spend years thinking about how wonderful they were and how much I screwed up and how worthless I am. And playing over in my head all the reasons they grew sick of me and all the things I should have appreciated more in them. I hate my fucking brain, what I’m describing above is just the basics of it, what comes alongside that is what breaks me, the way those thoughts influence how I spend my days, how they make me cry and have nightmares and wake up hot and fearful. The way I have this constant reel in my head of thoughts saying “you’re not good enough” and “oh I hope someday somebody will love me” and the more distorted way those thoughts develop as that repeatedly doesn’t happen into a bitter narcissistic hateful view on the world. What the fuck happened to me that made me think like that? Why do other people that are emotionally abused just rise above it and I am still drowning in it?",5.698299232736571,6.109233152173914,5.6627791986359775,83.38008951406654,67.1159420289855,8.668030690537085,31.45268542199489,8.4952907291091,2.1991063938618924,1114,42,225,15,17,349,148,276,0.168,0.6829999999999999,0.14800000000000002,-0.8025,1,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,8,2,10,22,6,1,14,0,18,10,4,9,2,49,50,28,1,4,4,0,6,1,0,3,1,1,0,3,19,19,0,0,13,1,3,5,2,12,0,0,5,9,38,10,27,41,8,35,0,4,1,5,15,15,3,4,12,153,57,0,0.0,0.13230916186016595,0.10897255314196458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614441902242946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465921209126005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619270635987023,0.0,0.1206742051240614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266283503713132,0.0720170802160751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256122692292227,0.0,0.2307672579587112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565834517630806,0.1693891660484514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206471847091033,0.0,0.0,0.06346390164131481,0.18732483273300604,0.0,0.12311514766340452,0.0,0.0,0.19749654398676675,0.0,0.1000332307289142,0.2204994657489633,0.2292086270019875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091222615220198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05455569139547789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249287234132094,0.0,0.0,0.20157074231091876,0.10566363400766594,0.07453973144829304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186861669703284,0.16417870211733993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492908639730888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741702352919924,0.19500962166865324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481403289589585,0.0,0.1198904043377669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880344072421775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165900014820396,0.11649481919827645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903968811948657,0.0,0.08917877653476344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418772937774543,0.2862112030742931,0.0,0.26595744810487804,0.06511492316775483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146349065702998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659122741746639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076364236107194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109995317912275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191098842491588 bpd,Badonkadonks_,2020/04/03,"My boyfriend of 2 years is talking to a guy on reddit for sex I'm female, and my bf always said he was heterosexual but I guess he's been lying or only just figured it out himself. He said if I don't consent to it he won't do it. He's cheated on me before so why should it be any different now . Currently I cannot go home until the quarantine ends, so I'll be homeless if we break up. I feel very depressed. I can't eat I can't do anything but lie in bed. I can't be alone, yet I'm disgusted at myself for being this weak. Idk what to do.",0.21438897168405546,1.6290139262295114,3.3403725782414315,90.86789120715349,81.86885245901641,6.075707898658719,22.566318926974677,6.980632752743323,0.5804655737704922,417,14,100,5,11,151,84,122,0.217,0.765,0.017,-0.9790000000000001,2,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,2,0,17,3,0,0,0,13,24,9,0,3,6,0,1,0,1,2,1,2,2,1,6,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,4,3,13,0,13,14,0,14,0,1,0,1,12,6,0,4,6,62,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453051281250468,0.0,0.0,0.19707814019442796,0.0,0.0,0.16106609458387194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949073359772312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015418709517986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20399852330175036,0.0,0.0,0.24745779702937015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423566385156453,0.0,0.0,0.20977876357547068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975845621148175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460729035434085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26091693340193106,0.23451869768314415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23757982122801166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18013506728318146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4505970996980077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19037102595683392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19542602175569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21372024904986234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252360866951192 bpd,Katzenjammerrr,2020/04/03,"DAE feel physically paralysed sometimes Today after waking up from a horrible night I got dressed and did my daily routine. Since my flatmate wasn't awake yet, I decided to listen to music for a bit. I was lying in bed and noticed myself spacing out all the time and my limbs felt really heavy. I kinda wanted to move but somehow knew I couldn't. When I tried moving my fingers it felt like I was moving through something as tenacious (sorry if this isn't the right word) as honey, while I wasn't really there... When I could finally free myself from this state of mind after an hour I immediately started crying. It wasn't the first time that I felt that way, but being paralysed while being awake was a totally new and terrifying experience. Did any of you experience something similar? How do you deal with it?",4.835952380952381,6.6730657337662365,5.9656493506493495,75.14942640692642,70.23376623376622,8.25021645021645,29.06709956709957,8.841846274778883,2.5483307359307354,649,25,110,12,12,216,98,154,0.095,0.8540000000000001,0.051,-0.7721,0,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,1,6,2,0,0,7,0,14,2,2,1,2,25,23,14,0,4,3,0,5,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,7,6,0,0,6,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,13,7,19,3,17,6,3,26,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,3,17,82,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933638324007103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947666751840248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166294405120539,0.0,0.1604571326507048,0.0,0.1505974780396964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28577983547711505,0.0,0.0,0.07386018723057952,0.0,0.4207663075224877,0.1600186250632041,0.0,0.12425178832737666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168299617033797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438549922102589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136513523794903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474946641841527,0.0,0.0,0.4657655767926003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108067658074006,0.0,0.13708200837837173,0.0,0.0,0.16630798201798538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871594757973763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474772167734012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083520457988604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249121902087569,0.14447245423179386,0.16351961900163944,0.10339302623667287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035565599158248,0.0,0.13846254136809813,0.0,0.0,0.0991757098949339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615914416028159,0.11594797244489667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,xlatinprincessxo,2020/04/03,I cant stop contacting my ex even tho he has a new gf. He dumped me 8 months ago and 7 months ago he got into a relationship with a new girl. He lied about it this whole time saying he wasnt in a relationship until i saw proof on her ig bc i stalk her ig and i cant stop.. i keep blocking and unblockjng. All i do is compare myself to the new girl. Wonder why shes better than me.. if shes prettier.. then my thoughts tell me i deserve to die and im gonna die alone bc im still single and hes not. He blocked me on everything yet sometimes when i call on private he picks up. Im seeking answers and closure from him and im not getting that and its making me self harm. Any advice?,-1.5118734335839576,0.4588588026315818,1.5170676691729348,97.07780701754388,95.84210526315788,4.474185463659148,18.422305764411032,6.1826913282559595,-0.20406679197995006,526,17,128,6,21,184,95,152,0.129,0.81,0.061,-0.8959999999999999,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,1,0,5,0,9,0,0,2,2,25,17,13,2,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,4,10,0,5,3,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,2,22,1,13,12,3,21,0,0,1,0,24,6,0,2,15,70,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564801906379927,0.2279588761376288,0.0,0.0,0.13317130122485468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743959640340543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371958485978452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312957381443089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668938824830042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492664191666544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556045348949227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717834785414918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283809784457708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5555588593793687,0.0,0.0,0.11428884082172384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582892114669244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20526450652018205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725534497484023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27609608621381504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225289739286283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341381898847186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271700526775539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268507855398233,0.214999210472522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238559918586254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020790764792944,0.0749767070185245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602449521382074,0.14355627056193612,0.0,0.0,0.13944078051165412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lgstarfish,2020/04/03,"I am my partners FP Would love some advice on how to deal with this! They have quiet bpd, but it still feels awful that I can make them feel so intensely horrible, even if that doesn’t explode and directly hurt me. I can see them imploding and it’s so awful to see. I’m getting better at realising that parts of it are not rational, but I want to be able to help them return to calmness!",4.468,4.6934248000000025,5.842500000000001,81.67250000000001,69.75,9.4,28.5,9.3871,2.2567,304,10,64,6,5,103,60,80,0.20600000000000002,0.655,0.139,-0.8212,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,4,1,5,4,0,0,0,2,8,1,0,2,0,14,17,8,0,3,4,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,10,3,9,15,2,4,0,1,2,1,8,2,0,2,2,47,17,0,0.2566932613668425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25083768415151464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270243297223493,0.0,0.0,0.3232961767179301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26463948110593194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695434782009938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259583651433197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411163444051935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720560822324702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27479544534951456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23167569035761834,0.0,0.1713447452182085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779737874845795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4091025902415791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049955701117637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15140433624723715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18234752798554074,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Aaaa172,2020/04/03,"Can’t move past events from over a year ago Hey all don’t really know why I’m here but I don’t have anything to lose and nowhere else to go. A year ago one of my best friends died and shortly after I was abandoned by one of my closet friends. After that I was diagnosed around 8 months ago. It’s been so long now and I still can’t get over it. My friend the one who left me left such a mark on me that it’s ruined my life. She was I guess my FP and she told me she wouldn’t leave and then I guess I was too much to handle. She had her own problems I spent a long time helping her through and the moment she got better I got worse and then she left. I had never felt loved in my life until that friendship. And I haven’t felt it since. I am so deeply and completely alone. Being in isolation is worsening all my symptoms. The splitting is back. The DBT skills don’t work. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. On paper I am more successful and have more friends and am more loved than I have ever been in my life. But whenever I close my eyes I just see her. I hear her words in my head everyday. I have nightmares about either her or about someone else I love dying. I can’t really handle it all. The last year has felt like a nightmare. It doesn’t feel real but I know it is. I feel so helpless. I can’t help anyone. I can’t be good for anyone anymore. They tell me that they love me and I don’t believe them anymore, I don’t even know if I love them anymore. I’m sorry. I don’t know where else to go.",-0.6152439024390262,1.4572916219512209,1.3147073170731716,100.24187804878048,90.09756097560977,4.377560975609756,16.736585365853657,5.838893488441508,-0.6971612195121946,1164,28,284,9,40,381,152,328,0.153,0.664,0.183,0.9461,0,2,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,4,6,16,20,0,0,10,0,36,12,2,0,5,44,64,23,2,3,7,0,5,1,4,1,5,1,1,0,13,15,0,1,10,0,1,3,16,6,0,3,15,8,60,14,26,46,10,43,0,4,2,5,31,15,0,4,26,191,73,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197980718334209,0.0,0.0,0.0856025605106618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24590576746756346,0.11558442063016205,0.0,0.06801556555090725,0.07357781617719232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355429736989647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312051693577156,0.08673819002613535,0.07309899020788567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665906471529247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389005493765067,0.17155948402577276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071354573971856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05459087608796167,0.07476347906035474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358268392400614,0.0,0.2380766865492233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554269655976226,0.0,0.04318226625631117,0.0,0.09394608914869368,0.06932458839027078,0.13220873285120033,0.0,0.18210102455265054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482481201549823,0.0,0.09315482734179777,0.0,0.11079980622077233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22711692824639684,0.06737242326013265,0.0,0.08751654937946668,0.269404966873141,0.0,0.17513868652096354,0.04037959938529556,0.0,0.0,0.14628886390530205,0.0,0.09246646269356842,0.0,0.0,0.3729833503212742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597204945236951,0.0878460111539418,0.060758740742908775,0.0,0.06374632894132018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802143229131006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890070014015073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908681550771318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407608736497852,0.10589799386859773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586295458875188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837060052233222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003078369612759,0.0,0.0,0.09252216344727443,0.0,0.0,0.06600600557035613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590708998877312,0.0,0.0,0.07224150373503478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048195054342876194,0.0,0.0,0.07897754185856742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458058741567966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06017165095925527,0.0,0.08422946396615899,0.0,0.09036700295895504,0.0,0.15967556251552256 bpd,artie_de_meison,2020/04/03,"Group chat for the ones who feel lonely and want to talk Hey. Yesterday I made a group chat in whatsapp, there you can get a support and help from people who feel the same way as you do. They are not professionals, just ordinary people like you but at least they are there to help you just by listening to you and your problems. You can join group chat here https://chat.whatsapp.com/Jki8I8u1gf13eYCCUTy0nY",5.300357142857141,8.271971972222225,4.154761904761909,83.59500000000001,72.33333333333333,6.8920634920634924,21.3968253968254,7.957251820313856,0.8592158730158728,330,8,61,5,7,96,48,72,0.067,0.77,0.163,0.6858,0,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,7,2,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,1,0,13,12,5,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,3,10,2,9,11,2,4,0,1,0,0,22,2,0,0,2,43,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31304122169959137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16173002289473234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41497718277345896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512332283419588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929089904384765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20976288375715452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4292137482805932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296202899746248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35128002285498305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24880906295458066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18258391130478413,0.2457108241171204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tinalatinaa,2020/04/03,"I need a friend to talk to right now.. Hey guys, I’ve never posted on here before but I really love this community and the helpfulness from fellow BPD humans. I have BPD as well but lately a lot has changed with my mental health lately. I believe it’s partially due to all the isolation from quarantine but I really need to talk with people and see if what’s going on is normal? I have always had mediocre eating habits but for these past few months I have not been able to really eat much at all. Food even smells terrible and looks so unappetizing, I’ve lost a lot of weight because of this right now I’m barely 100lbs. My insomnia has returned, and at night I get random panic attacks. It’s harder to get to talk with my therapist because my mother refuses to contact her and I don’t have her info. These couple of months have been horrible for me as I lost my best friend in December and I’m sure some of these problems stem from that but.. I don’t know I feel so alone, the one person who I loved and could always count on us gone. I can’t even see the rest of my friends because of corona and everything keeps getting worse. I guess I just needed to let this out but if anyone has any tips or similar stories please let me know because I’m running out of hope.",2.792737884683408,4.613866789883272,4.2094888574460585,85.68923859214719,75.65369649805447,7.318641669614433,22.965864874425183,8.150884317080207,1.2515073929961087,1003,29,202,17,22,332,144,257,0.134,0.713,0.153,0.7666,0,3,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,4,9,15,1,1,7,0,18,8,0,0,4,46,42,21,0,9,11,1,2,0,4,0,2,0,0,3,11,13,4,2,4,0,0,3,5,6,1,1,6,6,27,9,34,33,9,25,0,2,3,2,21,10,0,9,11,135,38,0,0.09525532010980768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865578413229564,0.0,0.0,0.15852011415191095,0.0,0.0,0.06477688411877898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660473461728678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083666781294066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23226703604408966,0.0,0.08105526152761032,0.10732012643429087,0.09996458166901027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399414822154837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076749827146704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605362211173998,0.1053981999163576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19493994597813705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583048111641607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560933961619763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04816395194964768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151831111821871,0.0,0.22078207207739814,0.0,0.14930091971706885,0.0,0.054135793578117056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493447428069973,0.09431774292880353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125195093714302,0.0,0.0,0.06384763317363176,0.0,0.0,0.09461002593569266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466730523118075,0.0,0.0,0.10469966558103544,0.0,0.21490430022712936,0.0,0.0,0.19481003711533496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999047822683435,0.0,0.20796486853561064,0.16196533358975224,0.17194329083019874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599495838029226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520637754457698,0.0,0.07002362049831379,0.21189183865693165,0.07346677517289807,0.0,0.0,0.0893906651507048,0.09332998908815844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454747013346653,0.0,0.0,0.11176159424360198,0.0,0.0,0.09093198140894627,0.06603804520081086,0.08317327135090871,0.0,0.10456173684479618,0.0,0.0,0.0912282656627006,0.0,0.0,0.09114647683310663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18306899164264448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626950458150982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181231475929508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977701190308525,0.0,0.0,0.2296878542906019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059876845064276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458042161387864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159953179610987,0.08564597248277354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707330908155927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,firsttripdiagnosis,2020/04/03,"First trip to a psychiatrist resulted in BPD diagnosis and I'm terrified I've been needing to go to see a professional for years but I always felt I was faking all of my problems and felt no need to go. I finally went through my school and after an hour of talking I was diagnosed with BPD. I read all over that's its something that's difficult to diagnose so getting told first trip that I have BPD is absolutely terrifying. I feel like I'm fucking crazy and I dont know who to turn to. He recommended me a book to read but the book is expensive and I really cant afford a $40 book right now, as I can barely afford rent due to quarantine. After I got out of my appointment I called my parents and told them and it felt like they just blew the whole thing off. My dad lectured me about trying to get a job at a grocery store because I was laid off due to quarantine. And my mom just kind of changed the subject and we ended up talking about her job and I didnt get any support. My boyfriend is where I got most of my support but I treat him like shit because I dont think he should be with me because all I do is treat him like shit. I feel like I dont deserve his support because of how fucking terrible I am. I could go on forever about my problems but i feel nobody is really going to care. I just need to talk to someone who understands. I feel crazy and now I feel like my family thinks I'm crazy too.",3.6325,4.249496709459463,5.290783783783784,83.49070270270272,71.77027027027026,8.892972972972975,29.664864864864867,9.120678840339163,2.3033099999999997,1110,44,241,22,20,379,146,296,0.183,0.705,0.11199999999999999,-0.9740000000000001,6,2,1,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,2,2,12,22,4,0,10,0,21,6,2,2,3,47,59,18,0,7,7,3,8,6,0,1,2,0,1,0,8,15,0,0,12,5,3,7,6,9,0,2,13,9,46,13,38,43,5,29,0,0,1,2,20,10,4,1,18,155,54,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830473508071436,0.0,0.0,0.05582342572434986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20016309538827096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31016516986412324,0.0,0.08382218340084957,0.0,0.08369534253923977,0.0,0.08683941859369304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554149343209434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663748504385875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886235592201492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270660691970271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738632930139774,0.0,0.20753366195587505,0.17593348008598714,0.2364553243148029,0.0899246332448008,0.0,0.13964995000971595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178016227556948,0.1286645524215131,0.0,0.1866125852114369,0.0,0.13130835806183094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084126088342347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16292159684034313,0.0,0.0,0.08548320030569682,0.04511404094560957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24062762482317546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614180100201414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18260415698865068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115026813819807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709642872600127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164222695935445,0.0,0.10517680184241446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010367146654621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830785856138423,0.06541441126951568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852663173423166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695538564103125,0.06319622546693805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794613276266801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979404080360758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054536372694169895,0.10519880424314956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15687936978988842,0.0,0.055733133162293634,0.08928940474074824,0.0,0.08545768298393798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609744915400078,0.0,0.0916495859611128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052862710564690586 bpd,lirone_p,2020/04/03,Looking for advice My partner has bpd and I do not live with him. My mom (who I live with) works with many old people and so due to the covid-19 pandemic i can't be around anybody because she is extremely anxious about getting the old people sick and possibly killing them. This unfortunately means that she wont let me see my partner who lives alone and is very much not handling it well. He feels lonely and its making him hate himself and be extremely depressed. We talk and video call every day multiple times a day but its not helping and he is getting worse. I dont know what to do to help and I have very little experience with bpd. any advice would be greatly appreciated.,3.4452272727272732,5.69701215909091,4.2545454545454575,84.1518181818182,75.13636363636364,6.824242424242425,28.424242424242426,7.793537801064563,1.8452606060606067,543,23,103,8,12,174,88,132,0.168,0.772,0.059000000000000004,-0.8605,0,3,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,1,1,4,6,2,0,3,0,15,1,0,1,0,24,24,11,1,1,4,1,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,8,15,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,4,1,0,0,3,16,2,10,18,1,8,0,2,2,0,18,2,0,0,6,68,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596435988168709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759499022260716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034416801170228,0.0,0.0,0.15008536435550754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182667765672807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809855722971709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346458212238745,0.0,0.1356571246212653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713575774416208,0.0,0.11442555250953453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570198943049754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193385248017652,0.0,0.0,0.12995511125215925,0.0,0.0,0.0671741505668542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881976118195952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647020808585473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131164211894417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780962878057264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469814648436162,0.0,0.07301218873601177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358505504158042,0.0,0.0,0.13315297735604792,0.3519332327998193,0.0,0.11156253195214287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867998928730114,0.1346914522342441,0.0,0.14471517907383474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555950913074275,0.0,0.0,0.09766177890691956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788124304723976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842062128164897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14977108691632618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058661392674418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678170348662888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746728592610415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21923423907395775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945023649672848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671810838398544,0.0,0.135387915989214,0.09437451266877356,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sadleyla,2020/04/03,Moving on is hard for me DAE feel the struggle to moving on from their fp ? Ive been loving the same person since 6 years ago until today. We cant be together because he doesnt love me as much as i do. So how do yall cope with this ? Anyone ?,0.10611111111111173,1.6035670185185182,2.8257037037037063,94.03966666666668,82.51851851851852,5.060740740740742,16.355555555555554,5.6839178017228535,-0.6547955555555554,185,3,44,1,5,65,46,54,0.13699999999999998,0.7929999999999999,0.07,-0.4035,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,1,1,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,8,2,0,1,0,5,11,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,2,7,2,9,9,2,8,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,0,4,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22984197556564898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812992581826276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805873853051045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110312367115856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23226991416429385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4680326594815987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5511613613558726,0.19060552563647884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263991063576497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21448460075535397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710627094104404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24577343174252125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697210504165869 bpd,dotsalot3,2020/04/03,"DAE find that their FP is someone other than their SO? I find myself with a human who fills so many of my needs & wants. It’s still new, but... he checks off a load of boxes for what I want in a partner. I am finding that my favorite person is someone who fills few needs and kinda messes with my emotions. (Same cycle every year- march to June) That person is my ex but we’ve been apart for over a year. I love being validated and being told I’m cared about by this person. Same as with my SO, but it doesn’t feel as real. Am I leading my SO on? Am I still in love with this other person & in denial? I think I’m fine without him but, why am I not able to feel close to anyone else? Is that normal?",0.7753736991485347,2.444346788079472,2.760799432355725,94.47955298013248,81.11920529801324,4.579186376537371,16.745979186376537,4.65589566412798,-0.8340789025543991,539,9,123,1,14,181,89,151,0.0,0.841,0.159,0.9749,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,2,1,7,5,0,0,4,0,12,2,0,1,0,29,25,12,0,5,6,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,13,7,0,0,6,0,1,3,3,1,0,0,2,2,18,4,23,21,3,18,0,0,0,2,16,8,0,1,7,86,31,1,0.13748962883254168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29793991079499743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613594527281244,0.14087437251157214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017983979819545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485494260575352,0.15465732683849182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584094217048388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903777487770186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769890897549049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24817951594974205,0.0,0.0,0.13939290378564267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20389363530913696,0.0,0.13278834027857422,0.0,0.0,0.13471064444362593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4802025626974842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649329792184494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329890326782061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195987903765232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809780256800162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313772323380957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16218989063776704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406300487761385,0.0,0.0,0.13253509586572373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177077626387214 bpd,KaryVVitch,2020/04/03,"New invisible enemy I know a lot of people have been talking about how to deal with mental health issues during this pandemic, and especially social isolating. I've read a million tips and distractions but they're not working for me. I'm constantly panicking and crying over losing my job, being scared of losing family or friends, but probably most of all, I'm just scared most of all that theirs no stable clear future in sight. Every time I've reached a crisis point in the past I'd try to remind myself that it'll pass. But this ISN'T. Not like the rest. The knowledge that things will only get even harder when this all blows over has completely crushed my spirit. It's like my emotions are short circuiting because of it now.I try to force myself to enjoy small things but I immediately split again the moment I remember how bad things are. It leaves me feeling the call of the void if you know what I mean. How do you deal with what's going on right now when you have bpd and need constant stability.. when one of the foundations of your sanity have just been taken away.",5.667494824016565,6.796920859903383,6.023771566597656,78.2101086956522,67.45410628019324,9.199309868875087,26.86300897170463,9.424239791934726,2.256784955141477,866,25,158,17,14,278,132,207,0.184,0.7120000000000001,0.105,-0.9708,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,4,1,3,12,10,0,3,10,0,13,1,0,3,4,33,23,16,0,2,10,0,1,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,15,6,0,0,6,1,0,2,4,6,0,2,3,2,16,4,22,17,7,24,1,2,1,0,11,10,0,5,14,108,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517213290689705,0.0,0.11123985177410907,0.08121457902485478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779605750883356,0.0,0.13604072867956007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968706933076722,0.2879443707992176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634475039178227,0.0,0.2747045266143172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986361745944735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799586653721117,0.0,0.11225037312140224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559554286069616,0.0,0.06736410208500622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029316562831721,0.0,0.06960615418851318,0.0,0.07571656762845387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161518071370882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390554641700256,0.13220827621374714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643729750084342,0.0,0.0,0.14106926195110175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017698534858574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29809620557254823,0.0,0.11326571870159804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512439702051144,0.0,0.0,0.13426253274931346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878690647580624,0.0,0.12867247506071816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027877056154934,0.10132593092320026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271812430347912,0.09236355071220896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594356465913922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364236483955906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326409736872427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092140256064793,0.11377602160294915,0.0,0.0,0.2667690276641718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580921302210935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070836551528127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26553237746297137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768634382925002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18090619307147596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699160274700007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mjmsteph,2020/04/03,"Feel like “something” is wrong with when talking to a person? So not sure what to call this or if anyone else has experienced this. So if you have an idea of what it means/is let me know... Yesterday while having a conversation with my SO, I felt like his voice started to sound very different than normal and then his face started to seem less familiar to me. Like I maybe didn’t know him/ he wasn’t the person I thought I was talking to. It threw me into feeling very panicked. The last time (only other time) this happened to me was with this guy I had a fling with. It was strange because while having conversations I could only see other people’s faces in him. Like he strangely started to morph into having features of my mother, which freaked me out & led me to stop seeing him after because I couldn’t shake it. Panic attack? Dissociation? PTSD? Anyone have any similar situations?",3.415147058823532,5.798598794117647,4.310220588235296,83.08474264705883,75.76470588235293,6.367647058823527,25.33088235294117,7.413659706084162,1.3711470588235295,705,25,128,9,16,227,104,170,0.147,0.7879999999999999,0.065,-0.9273,1,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,0,4,10,1,2,6,0,16,2,2,1,1,26,30,11,0,5,4,1,3,4,0,0,0,2,0,3,13,8,0,1,8,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,9,8,21,5,21,18,1,20,0,0,2,0,17,4,0,4,17,90,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814507530077148,0.0,0.0929799447736325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19120723790980973,0.1400943194752826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554820033174765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669662702913168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961489970001406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916643614437553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428519910477765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421896499595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382678914949497,0.09767873761458454,0.13128062703033372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538253109879786,0.12090839995094013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434962826084275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502846155071586,0.11145182795940728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981396866140722,0.0,0.2671941988123695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736197284757448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396472135381668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079760939266222,0.0,0.16042122127283195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094790199918708,0.2387717866351617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598280867847821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179095341540896,0.124472325443379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368835799143554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526013904687434,0.0,0.0,0.29033102140122896,0.0,0.0,0.1143109960382384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288648214907062,0.0,0.0,0.2197940854740089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085470116970777,0.15945476339412126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22563036320114815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949095163315154,0.0,0.0 bpd,erieberie,2020/04/03,"How did you get diagnosed? I don’t really have anything else to say, Sending love during this time. Xo",0.9788333333333306,3.57450055,2.9400000000000013,85.85833333333333,93.5,6.666666666666668,21.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.6676666666666669,81,3,15,2,3,27,20,20,0.0,0.802,0.198,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37268484928024825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4596676103082562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3783263732617535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366131379039634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4087453881258565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901290135892471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36015144290874285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26408023543352865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,katysearra,2020/04/03,I’m wondering if I have BPD i am trying to be as honest as i can be with myself and i took several tests that say i might have it. I guess i’m just asking for advice with therapy and such.,1.7287596899224802,2.099112418604652,4.81860465116279,86.0448062015504,75.97674418604652,8.524031007751939,21.310077519379846,8.841846274778883,1.1147891472868214,146,3,35,3,3,54,30,43,0.0,0.912,0.08800000000000001,0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,9,13,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,7,1,6,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,27,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28396664502435204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716676469316555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659949698640061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201238018323923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082759960564168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310932749518876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32829029929869913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323213801340291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32286239027715785,0.19729532881879916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151385188282663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,artbru97,2020/04/03,"Can two people with BPD happily have a relationship? if so, how?",1.1950000000000005,3.7673618333333367,4.449999999999998,73.84500000000001,97.33333333333334,9.066666666666668,22.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,3.0623666666666667,50,2,9,2,2,18,12,12,0.0,0.716,0.284,0.6072,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6164819520276621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33934326517934377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5255175078683421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4781500811726712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ahwg195,2020/04/03,"DAE feel a lot about a little, and little about a lot? hi! first time making a post to the sub (i believe) context; f, 21, diagnosed bpd I've been thinking a lot lately about how I react to things, I definitely experience the intense, often short-lived but constant, mood swings on a daily basis, when I'm not feeling empty (lol) but I've picked up on how I react MORE intensely to little things but with big things, I tend to shut down emotionally. For example; a small negative; once i spilt a whole can of coke in front of an entire airport restaurant and everyone looked at me. i felt embarrassed and spiralled into a whole panic attack and became a crying mess. also little things like my SO liking a certain tweet, my friend replying in a different tone, etc absolute TEARS or instant rAGE a big negative; my ex telling me he didn't love me anymore and intended on us breaking up (at first over the LITTLE things he said or did i was a total mess constantly breaking down) i ended up breaking up with him calmly and cooly, the next day it was like it never happened i felt /fine/. news that my family may be sick? obvious worry and anxiety internally but a calm and cool reaction, almost emptiness and shutting off. a big positive; my mother recently made a grand and generous gesture, and also made a big effort for my birthday during quarantine. i didnt know how to act; i still don't, a lot of me feels empty and some of me feels overwhelmed? i feel bad because i felt i could've expressed more happiness but really i just felt almost awkward and shut down. i often struggle to show intense happiness around my family. &#x200B; is this a bpd thing? does anyone else get this? is feeling empty/shutting down at very bad experiences a learnt response from trauma? this isn't always consistent, my reaction varies but i've noticed this behaviour crop up multiple times. i've been doing really well managing my symptoms in the past 6 months (also 6 months sober woo), I'm just curious :) hope everyone is doing ok during this quarantine <3 tldr; i react in a very ''typical'' bpd way to ''minor'' things in my life, but big positive or negative experiences lead me feeling shut down and empty. bpd thing?",4.872379807692305,6.6440672475961575,6.07375,74.67125000000001,70.03365384615384,9.23846153846154,30.54807692307693,9.673873057562805,3.2093211538461546,1749,73,295,42,32,585,217,416,0.18100000000000002,0.644,0.175,-0.7777,1,2,0,0,0,0,62.0,1,0,0,4,18,29,2,5,28,3,17,6,0,12,4,72,42,32,0,1,13,2,11,3,1,1,4,1,0,0,16,18,1,0,13,1,0,3,9,12,1,2,14,14,36,16,44,26,11,65,0,1,1,1,12,40,0,14,20,197,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451686743947236,0.0,0.0,0.16114120043513466,0.05588864494622544,0.0727758335321326,0.08161572455206409,0.0,0.0,0.05138286564227036,0.0,0.06661199745662273,0.04696499727720184,0.06882092335658949,0.0,0.05979321291891398,0.0,0.07641259698024623,0.0,0.0,0.1121639217010227,0.040944614440980034,0.0,0.0,0.07567464197158227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383798801598474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516816296266752,0.0,0.05362769142348861,0.0,0.07378021843121538,0.04331740667425425,0.0,0.0,0.06817348186288268,0.0,0.07017562142460594,0.0,0.0,0.05877863120360843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056109731395940984,0.07555426758697738,0.05949036673048092,0.0,0.07490938911669158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283626294313853,0.0,0.1971077726781789,0.12663886557518195,0.0,0.23773293589719896,0.0,0.257964891221836,0.0,0.0,0.11426508665363115,0.0,0.0,0.05189335499721257,0.0,0.03509218640529887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059395896688442314,0.14300186050549887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671236866264099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03691343819018118,0.0,0.07576773583004817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04744231036642739,0.09844377459413572,0.33659682613012665,0.0,0.0,0.05640368682064099,0.0,0.0,0.2284132350275753,0.06062118730803801,0.12711080736005645,0.04483475101806037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722473170725676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051803628012120934,0.0,0.07143327589271897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647051294910262,0.0,0.07153107286647307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880645421840919,0.0,0.0,0.0641188690837201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432778800293515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860582934375497,0.0,0.06631968950537975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389156426475379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363996038548815,0.0,0.0,0.07021793435353473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981263089642062,0.0,0.0,0.05870725496947311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35698420808545894,0.04303814817644243,0.0,0.0,0.07833168462141737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079409399402937,0.0,0.0,0.11084025384430628,0.0,0.05331434378964919,0.0,0.0,0.060391545549568014,0.0,0.0,0.14997997322429935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682117398001573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161572455206409,0.0 bpd,StandardPea5,2020/04/03,"I KNOW THAT I ENDED IT BUT, WHY WON'T YOU CHASE AFTER ME I was attached to someone I didn't want to be with. We hurt each other and it sucked. In a way it was me who ended it but mostly because he was mistreating me and just wrong for me and I was worried about my symptoms getting bad with him. I also mistreated him and didn't wanna stay after that. Despite not wanting him I feel like I'm no good without him trying to talk to me after I tell him to go away. I do want to be left alone but it hurts. I'm ashamed of how I acted with him. I was pretty dependent on his validation and couldn't handle the thought of him leaving me. I really didn't want him though. It hurts to feel someone give up even though they have every reason to give up and it's not ""personal"". Feelings wise I'm taking it personally but am also thinking mindfully about it. Probably because he kept chasing for ages even when I told him to go away. And I really did want that. I gave him mixed signals. He gave me mixed signals. It's almost like hey, I'm saying I don't want you cos you don't give me what I want and I don't trust you, but don't you know I'm willing to put up with that anyway? I know this is all flawed thinking, it's just how I'm feeling right now. It's hard when he actually walks away even though he wasn't good for me and vice versa. Maybe it's not him I want, it's comfort and validation. I want to believe people are SPECIAL more than they can and should be. I'm trying to be compassionate and just want him to move on for his own sake. It also means I can be left alone if he does. I think this comes down to me feeling like I need a person to validate that I am ""good"" via affection and devotion, even if the devotion is highly dysfunctional. Which is kind of objectifying. This ended badly because it started badly and I stayed when I knew everything was wrong. Yes, my biggest mistake (as fucking usual) was staying when I could already see it wasn't gonna work. The thing is, if the other person thinks it could work and doesn't listen to or accept my explanations about why it won't work - I stay even though I don't want to. I don't feel in control or empowered. I feel sour and kind of dirty. Because I acted out and self betrayed. I'm so scared of people revoking empathy for me. This is not a damaging loss. I guess even though I did a good bit of the rejecting and the pushing away, I feel rejected.",1.4697423790589779,3.422276608349904,3.4404137673956257,89.06107128064943,80.13320079522862,6.33878396288933,22.80521040424122,7.413659706084162,0.8815699469847579,1886,62,405,27,48,637,202,503,0.175,0.6970000000000001,0.128,-0.9567,1,3,0,0,0,0,49.0,1,5,2,5,30,34,2,2,10,1,45,2,0,7,1,94,102,44,0,21,18,0,9,3,0,5,1,2,0,5,34,26,0,2,20,0,0,9,21,17,0,0,20,13,72,17,55,69,6,46,0,7,1,1,46,18,2,9,17,280,106,3,0.0,0.0,0.057569799817194664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059074139470934976,0.1222003366242845,0.06510153347452673,0.14153284908009556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217078583850176,0.0,0.14777300305081875,0.1438491936430779,0.0,0.0,0.06646622746034199,0.0,0.0,0.06440635418159264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05081825367345045,0.0,0.0,0.06616697792595996,0.09420408854171146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051626195639666084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567539724188786,0.0,0.0,0.23379055701491466,0.0,0.04970513254371085,0.0,0.05302015594571412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23863379904862986,0.08429089353725336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054539159458950805,0.030822018881453143,0.16977775014328667,0.06705549255781633,0.19792604303176026,0.0,0.0,0.06498872921327338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05284718860012765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233057951065231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18946343709329408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286669937983735,0.09726495884895787,0.0,0.0,0.062466307845047676,0.12819467643553215,0.0,0.0,0.08646471451672795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059267573026216123,0.064261945761455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595672942579103,0.0,0.0,0.06270146634676492,0.0,0.04374342947308127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179825870855427,0.2060457346037517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600182795815908,0.06360569310108644,0.0,0.0,0.05930543505485781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558635174801391,0.060655832128761314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050380698761280436,0.0,0.0469145317620587,0.05906345569231941,0.0,0.04701071541436548,0.0,0.061543785362613485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997113743651832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04175637710097895,0.2515197427840125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06131753099682845,0.04435627385447715,0.04741727911121522,0.0515635047713686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03919310510789797,0.15120432798302744,0.28980736201571144,0.046834781192848084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563714574850446,0.0,0.08010633777467062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497374351820273,0.0,0.3827591888664606,0.04682682611901099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646612476852033,0.0,0.0,0.056868274577774915,0.0,0.12884537492679551,0.05991144318496365,0.0,0.0,0.12900172746511046,0.0,0.0 bpd,lskira,2020/04/03,"Everything is so Dull and Boring, but then But then I start feeling the blues again Music touches every part of my being Work starts to yield results I start loving again &#x200B; I enjoy progress and oh boy can I hear the guitar &#x200B; I just wished I had this earlier in the day, and be down during the nights. That would mess my circadian rythm less.",4.184901960784317,6.491452000000002,4.2741176470588265,84.60519607843139,73.11764705882355,6.298039215686276,24.568627450980397,7.1686216300943375,1.137727450980392,288,9,51,3,6,89,52,68,0.094,0.711,0.195,0.8696,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,1,0,11,13,8,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,8,2,4,9,2,11,0,1,1,1,3,2,0,0,9,37,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.397623838088193,0.4459221704470324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833621589671785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545986904227589,0.0,0.16490946217695976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277832825182243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20680716970556234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560737264687278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219343800257866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19870236941546074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896266373055088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21100506081246145,0.0,0.0,0.1335832955358942,0.0,0.0,0.13034641214070944,0.0,0.4459221704470324,0.0 bpd,mangomagpie,2020/04/03,"I feel like my diagnoses is being COMPLETELY glossed over? I told my boyfriend about my recent diagnoses but he doesn’t seem to have any interest or care for it? When I told him he just asked how I felt about it and that was the end of the conversation. I feel like he doesn’t take it into consideration when I am having my bad days and he doesn’t reassure me or de-escalate situations, rather he escalates them. He’s always told me that his philosophy is that everyone’s responsible for their own happiness which I agree with to an extent but if you’re in a relationship with someone, isn’t it partially your job as well? Otherwise whats the point? He struggles with depression and when I found that out I researched ways to be more there for him and support him to make sure I could help him which is something that would really help me if he did the same. He isn’t a very open person so it makes it hard to talk about things but it just feels like he doesn’t believe my diagnoses or doesn’t care? I know I should talk to him about it but he gets defensive so I would rather know what everyone else thinks before I potentially start a situation between us that isn’t productive or helpful for either of us. Am I overreacting or should I not be putting this expectation on him? Is this normal? I don’t know if I should be upset about this or not. I am completely open for being in the wrong here but I just don’t know.",3.728846153846156,5.216507269230768,4.8695104895104935,83.30503496503498,72.46153846153847,9.116083916083916,26.28671328671329,9.573946990214177,2.195103496503497,1133,38,238,28,22,373,140,286,0.073,0.7390000000000001,0.188,0.9871,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,2,1,2,0,19,17,1,2,9,0,32,3,0,3,1,59,55,25,0,13,22,0,5,3,0,5,3,0,0,1,22,11,0,1,12,0,0,1,12,6,1,0,7,5,40,11,29,37,5,18,0,1,0,0,36,9,0,10,10,170,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538682464702439,0.0,0.0,0.06978410878672868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593445855970092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568217321445923,0.0,0.0,0.08732079761366149,0.11561592503219648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092528293602444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215187120071382,0.0,0.0,0.08193253366955026,0.0,0.0,0.0661804524231571,0.0,0.08838517615517343,0.31246689629014895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572460112974031,0.0,0.0908895450424732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611277641521901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566101279076194,0.21993206175078886,0.09852986663499017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251590444506206,0.0,0.0,0.053613938393979925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923931684987057,0.09192603264568176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063490814559969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183304132708228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255858074137577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504026681439226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369973105254423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005443562189514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960252866527232,0.0,0.0,0.0970076654208778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315995047853976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574004807456428,0.0,0.1013234030613837,0.11017388064696344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342004150276832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23069501965050565,0.0,0.0,0.086948334311138,0.07900074593544303,0.0,0.0,0.07263391272512683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727915220507543,0.0,0.0,0.11645027415003438,0.09671673545927928,0.0,0.07715635185894483,0.16496174964116994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817518121721926,0.06575380052621466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941691646228285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24687487567541444,0.0,0.0,0.08467102152809168,0.0,0.08145380029732499,0.0,0.0,0.09226636850768764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579449683833787,0.1121972362620482,0.0,0.0 bpd,Funnier_user_name,2020/04/04,"I love everything. Fire spreading all around my room. My world so bright it's hard to breathe but that's alright. Hush Anyone else super relate to ""cradles"" by suburban? I feel like it was written by one of us for us.",0.2623588039867144,2.6285846046511665,1.6243189368770778,94.35813953488376,98.30232558139537,4.317607973421929,22.421926910299007,6.1826913282559595,0.5778996677740875,170,7,34,2,7,54,36,43,0.059000000000000004,0.626,0.314,0.9329999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,2,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,4,4,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,6,5,7,2,1,3,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,1,21,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19616520648454752,0.2874538789179493,0.0,0.2497465908362149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343612835770411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521378379377029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185315253643066,0.2004230586956444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513152901391893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706124766632755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532049061012576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19010612202785213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6749277568366545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mninp,2020/04/04,"Not sure if I have bpd or just depression and anxiety (or all three) (long story) So...where to begin? I’m 28 years old and everything I have been through in my life I consider to have been a traumatic experience. They’ve all been super negative and no matter how much I’ve “pushed” through it all, it just further breaks me down. It gives me ptsd, trauma, fears, anxieties, and it’s gotten to the point right now where sometimes i just wanna scream and curl up in a ball like Angelina Jolie at the end of the movie Girl, Interrupted. Everybody in my life has either abandoned me or betrayed me. The warmth and unconditional love that has ever been given to me has always been swiped away by something horrible someone has done to me. A lot of times I feel cold and empty. Just an unending loneliness. My last gf was my best friend for two years. Then we had sex and fell in love and...turns out she was either bpd herself or was a narcissist. I never did find out. She emotionally abused me and then discarded me. Not sure if it was intentional or not. But our situation was...extremely complicated. She was muslim and she had to decide between me and her family. It was the most intense, neurotic, insane, toxic, but amazing relationship I’ve ever had in my life. I could be myself with her. She accepted everything about me. I could just talk and talk for hours about everything and she’s listen. She would give me love for hours and hours and never wanna stop. It was...everything I’ve ever wanted. But now she’s gone. The breaking up phase took about 6 months in itself...the experience was yet another traumatic event in my life. Now I’m SCARED of vulnerability. And worse yet I have nobody else. Just me. And unending loneliness. I’ve been in the military...more trauma. I can barely hold a job because I just wanna break down quickly if anybody has anything even slightly negative to say about me. I feel like my skin is getting THINNER the older I get. I feel myself getting angrier, all the time. I used to have my own place but I couldn’t afford it anymore because I couldn’t work anymore because of my breakdowns. Now I’m back home with an alcoholic mother who harasses me every day. I’m not suicidal, never have been. But my desire for SOME KIND OF CONNECTION is making me go insane. I can’t get a date anymore because I’m too desperate. Heck I even lie to people to get them to wanna be around me more. I crave that connection and warmth so much that it’s tearing me apart. I’ve tried stoicism, but the problem is still the fact that i crave that connection so much it makes me wanna scream. It makes me wanna hate the world. I still have sex sometimes with some FWB girls that I’ve known, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about LOVE. Quality time. Bonding. Vulnerability. Being able to be my whole complete self and have you tell me “I love that about you”. Just thinking about it makes me cry. I’m crying right now actually. The fact that my ex gave me all of this makes me miss her even that much more. I don’t...really even have an identity. I don’t think so at least. I’m not sure. I know my interests, I know the music that defines me, I THINK I know my personality...but I’m not sure. Am I overthinking this? Or under thinking it? I don’t even really know who I am. I TELL myself that I am...whoever I WANT to be. I find myself becoming someone else or pulling life advice out of my ass, just because...I’m trying something new. I’m being someone else today. Some people out there think I’m an empath...some think I’m an asshole and a narcissist. I try out new things. See what works and what doesn’t. Ive lied so much I don’t even know myself anymore. Because if I told the truth...nobody would like me. I’ve become so insecure in nearly every aspect of life just out of pure FEAR of being hurt...that it’s made me avoidant. I’ve become people pleasing. A doormat. Because I just want that closeness. I want to share smiles. All I feel is a giant gaping hole. All the time. Sorry for the rant guys. Just trying this out. Maybe something here will help me. And yes I have a therapist and she’s great, but she can’t be there for me all the time.",1.7488852672750994,4.2098381779661045,3.3785714285714303,87.00691097038555,82.47457627118644,6.487912087912087,22.27304898491339,7.729019648127648,1.1630973738126285,3269,109,650,59,91,1080,319,826,0.155,0.727,0.11800000000000001,-0.9758,2,1,4,0,1,0,136.0,2,2,1,4,53,36,2,5,33,1,63,16,2,9,21,154,126,50,1,22,40,2,5,3,2,3,7,4,1,4,36,36,1,4,20,1,0,6,21,15,0,2,26,11,111,21,77,85,26,88,0,3,1,8,49,36,2,16,46,447,147,3,0.051817576878762935,0.061395355328458336,0.050566480258344766,0.0,0.0,0.05063553641182929,0.0,0.055377230951988016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043116374982667134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054335247415141265,0.07928060896261745,0.0,0.20555644986187385,0.0,0.0,0.042641450627534334,0.04612862938636101,0.0,0.0,0.048684319207921975,0.039844518111632865,0.0,0.18952508347160266,0.1716853276870142,0.0,0.0,0.05437935004381958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052484823705945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05432974348672685,0.0,0.0,0.08274423740617311,0.0,0.11383835007072275,0.03341805032562295,0.0,0.044630403036639316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05302737182540136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298608091879053,0.058287799533434576,0.045894992842925135,0.0,0.0,0.2053501249512976,0.1406158946973112,0.08731708678824593,0.0,0.18628118752794787,0.10137506640174428,0.04884899983505405,0.11661836026501493,0.10480209525552564,0.03701848727582967,0.0,0.0,0.09472065302526582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040034131357475175,0.0,0.13536272613769168,0.09941628282175073,0.02944912307672875,0.0,0.0,0.057129061440952415,0.0,0.05130754785780693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05115912934170201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034732229514192525,0.0,0.051977254556371096,0.0,0.15308962610875204,0.0,0.05547178776533194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051420949468893584,0.0,0.0,0.053960032415666666,0.1423879255293027,0.0422382411560492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196017218636584,0.07594635196816629,0.0,0.0,0.045856924933654536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04405345084823955,0.2338369311317857,0.04903104413927914,0.17294317468326498,0.0,0.05205772073042802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0413602954961086,0.0,0.19045940606350986,0.0,0.11989472922356414,0.10009147729053698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05437383027961008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777135009902436,0.0,0.054138339029265514,0.05688013888658744,0.04898435907143711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04958242295635936,0.060571974428130226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05897974679932407,0.03319566661342353,0.0,0.0,0.055632685380994897,0.0,0.08850385505606727,0.0,0.041207416939238385,0.051878434105015934,0.0,0.041291899928079585,0.0,0.05405703367814927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824512748309345,0.0,0.0,0.13171459420494935,0.11967510677708565,0.10249781701021304,0.058005534948271674,0.0,0.0,0.08276316766174574,0.0433218145081465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05668001877231533,0.0,0.195349811889604,0.0,0.0,0.16659602192089248,0.09058169228838334,0.0,0.0,0.06016420059563279,0.03442529558891785,0.19921566577116395,0.0,0.0,0.15107622891960767,0.0,0.049117004010834964,0.04951391530113077,0.057571234528221736,0.14072293322240592,0.05636264385231805,0.0506182432221472,0.0,0.0,0.04475374919943487,0.0,0.0,0.12225339756087088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05785247407278572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544762622420298,0.0,0.052806537738900594,0.07361943979152427,0.0,0.0,0.06673764120786227 bpd,Sonofarson,2020/04/04,"Does anyone else feel being cooped up and isolating is the same as their regular life? Does anyone else feel no difference after sheltering in place for a month? The irony of having BPD is that as far as my social contacts go, there was absolutely zero change in lifestyle. In fact, since I'm not attached emotionally to anyone, there's no one, no activity or hobby to miss as would be expected. The anxiety I feel is more for the immediate threat of getting sick and dying a horrible death and combined with impending likelihood of loss of income. Since everyone is now experiencing this anxiety, it feels like the rest of the world and I are on a more even footing. Except that NTs are suffering the effects of withdrawal from society, this is how I live.",7.741214285714285,8.001848264285716,8.344999999999999,66.40250000000002,62.78571428571429,12.428571428571427,36.07142857142857,11.93303328291395,4.703357142857144,607,26,102,19,8,203,95,140,0.213,0.763,0.023,-0.9778,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,2,5,5,1,0,10,0,12,3,1,2,1,18,20,10,2,2,3,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,4,0,2,1,5,5,1,23,16,4,12,0,3,0,0,3,8,0,1,4,75,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499580563829913,0.0,0.0,0.3427002160361549,0.3347875605159772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20576114261687886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282576894612045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955420092703305,0.17068882513174727,0.0,0.0,0.2859356368870949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729524565940774,0.18377135686594653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790557485717904,0.0,0.0,0.15610881644991453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33042289126825897,0.11671289172448085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535505560517198,0.0,0.0928479947715022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539437846918472,0.0798152401355902,0.0,0.14426034833067794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040186256021627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070500261195663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068882513174727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27028578698042544,0.0,0.0,0.16653704064445746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605468426062986,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HomeWhereIBelong,2020/04/04,"I've had an eating disorder for 17 years and just recently admitted it.... CW :eating disorder No one knew. Not even my boyfriend who I have been living with for years. As of a few months ago I told my therapist/psychiatrist (also a whole new world I was introduced to last year) boyfriend and two close friends. I haven't even been able to talk my two best friends from elementary and middle school about it. I'm afraid they'd feel gulity if I told them what I was doing all those years and all the food I've wasted. My therapist is not a therapist who specializes in bpd I didn't know I had it until the 2nd or third time I went to a partial program saying it wasn't just anxiety and depression something else was wrong. I don't think my therapist and psychiatrist have ever communicated (unlike my therapist and psychiatrist I'd have in the program) The only help I get from my psychiatrist is her refering me to the same eating disorder clinic (only one in the state) and they don't accept my insurance. That has happened 3 times now the last two I remind her they won't take my insurance and that's it for our conversation on that. My therapist doesn't even ask how I'm doing with my eating disorder unless I bring it up. Then she'll say ""so you're not eating again"" even though it's not something I've ever mentioned has gone away. I need help getting rid of 17 years worth of bad habits and thoughts surrounding food. It just seems like the people around me don't see it as a major issue like I do. I'm overweight and it doesn't look like I'm starving so I don't know if they even believe me. It sucks that I cant ""just eat something"" I know that I can and I had gotten much better the last few weeks. Trying to snack throughout the day but with covid-19 my anxiety and nausea are now getting in the way of my progress. I get so anxious and will just throw up clear fluid and get so nauseous and sick to my stomach it feels like my body won't accept food. I have had some success in ensure shakes but it sometimes can take a few hours even to get through that. This was probably all over the place it's just dinner time where I am now and my boyfriends making dinner again because I feel so shitty I right now I cant even move. 😔",4.327977120932219,5.193225839207052,5.092538013357967,84.63624058547676,70.34361233480176,8.32502486855194,27.420491686798353,8.558390810932622,1.7734507034247553,1777,58,368,28,31,576,208,454,0.095,0.81,0.095,-0.1634,0,0,3,0,0,0,35.0,1,0,5,4,32,18,1,2,19,0,41,17,2,2,6,63,77,35,0,3,16,0,3,4,2,4,3,2,0,0,25,22,13,0,14,0,1,6,18,6,0,6,19,7,54,12,36,53,12,54,0,1,2,0,24,18,1,5,32,248,79,4,0.06250290641572642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055405055327966884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0499835516789783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562910466010542,0.07061049350477977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05564083809567517,0.05843178022653951,0.0,0.058723538047438385,0.0,0.052187316108986435,0.03810119162002363,0.0,0.0,0.07041937197118044,0.06559294416041837,0.055278741479895824,0.0,0.06942663875624391,0.078720222612642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04030920390170726,0.0,0.053833661709459225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28653498300114794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3837364627858852,0.05221315811256258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889780614604637,0.11307491442389632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481004245799866,0.044652088832066165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267362876087128,0.0,0.09657918090325443,0.0,0.1959311333393341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527111372440853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378876133147863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615527725677673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652367955331275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304988832160028,0.15284463264182954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214305172389198,0.0,0.05519121147141549,0.0,0.05248669962997959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04172117537551978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049889223588522665,0.0664306979728284,0.04594682789214434,0.046345113135809635,0.0,0.06036569649657065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470717395045665,0.09507255363598273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0433316454588116,0.0,0.06530223413893131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738870450624948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171407967871592,0.0,0.0,0.05337714056895177,0.0,0.0994096397295112,0.0,0.06325627816363252,0.04980672413476068,0.0569002985558829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435337292365544,0.06181697264033219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398881408389476,0.05023746860894529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43542415055849704,0.0,0.04004933867445044,0.06140878820886196,0.0496203260516908,0.10933784209820656,0.0,0.0,0.11944841116687364,0.0,0.042435370657747634,0.0,0.18316877262195946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04961189784198195,0.050136061409499284,0.0,0.0,0.05794082043720205,0.0,0.06978226290568858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833711629496862,0.0,0.20124911246722724 bpd,solidsnake5677,2020/04/04,"Does anyone else let themselves be taken advantage of by their FP just so that they remain in their lives? My FP used to also be my best friend, i say used to because our friendship ended once in october of last year. We didn't speak for a month but then we started talking again but the friendship was never the same. She continues to be my best friend and fp, but she doesn't really care for me. After we started taking again things were bad, she treated me like shit and i was actually the one that ended it that time. We didnt speak for another 2 months. Needless to say those 3 months were the worst months of my life. Last month we started talking again, this time things were better, she was nice and friendly until a few days ago when she started treating me like shit again because I've been asking her if we can talk over the phone (we used to live close to one another but a few months ago i moved out of the country so we've only been texting) The thing is that ever since our friendship started I've always helped her financially. Whenever she needs something i help her without any hesitation. I've given her thousands of dollars over the months and im not rich or anything (far from it) i work hard and have even sold my things to help, but the money doesn't matter to me, i just want her to be happy. I'm aware that I'm being taken advantage of, but she's my fp so i let myself be taken advantage of so i don't lose her again. All i want to do is to be able to have the friendship we once had but she just doesn't care, she treats me like shit (yells at me, doesn't care about my feelings, curses at me) and is only nice or actually talks to me when she needs something from me. I know my life would eventually be better without her since all my emotional pain is due to her but knowing something and being able to do something about it when it comes to your fp are very different things.",4.6023255813953465,5.12357339793282,5.143840826873387,85.7553581395349,69.54263565891472,7.84574677002584,27.366304909560732,7.699297019823105,1.4101810645994832,1503,46,313,16,25,482,166,387,0.105,0.7040000000000001,0.191,0.9872,1,0,4,0,0,0,30.0,10,1,3,9,20,30,3,0,13,0,38,6,3,3,4,52,66,28,0,6,17,0,2,3,3,1,3,5,0,0,16,18,0,0,3,0,4,2,11,7,0,3,16,7,61,23,42,38,8,48,0,1,0,0,48,9,3,3,40,220,77,1,0.14235245339736036,0.0,0.13891545992755064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618686088121034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05691960277567212,0.05922432242194192,0.0,0.0,0.04840227489191583,0.14926895932619294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04976807263741825,0.07292845547012464,0.0585719699654628,0.0,0.06654016387892636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059429176260422586,0.08677673432332779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493901173920809,0.12589917688054356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177067202984444,0.0,0.0,0.061312016927092323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045902777958327916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436400781249733,0.0,0.0,0.06228679563214256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05945860427282011,0.08006367497781013,0.12608202126337367,0.0,0.0,0.04701122645549687,0.06438297196483714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035988838825176506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649717285614082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576841683730258,0.06375991868632556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431237732769747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688253873639833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078233185548914,0.11603624904770934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455650282725965,0.10054774769674908,0.10431932734468324,0.0,0.12569982436771496,0.0,0.0,0.07962799150213097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.397685295630519,0.07564906481654267,0.0,0.1055525404527552,0.05489549390521407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516007169866993,0.096461706532502,0.10826545545591636,0.0757365235045055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04559731339462142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132043845506921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191841216290012,0.11775542047996045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191797466738397,0.0,0.0,0.2518944979967708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535156644867012,0.2288350196514017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23643161168446244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300686034410655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442022131338032,0.0,0.05872784120389043,0.08396316523865363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372226852159097,0.0,0.05181714074140782,0.0,0.0,0.050561549301033855,0.0,0.0,0.0458351563896921 bpd,puttytatcats,2020/04/04,Gabapentin Has anyone w BPD been prescribed this medication for mood stabilization? What was your experience with it?,8.713333333333331,12.924242555555557,6.9311111111111146,61.40000000000003,67.8888888888889,10.266666666666667,36.77777777777778,10.125756701596842,5.095911111111112,98,5,13,3,2,29,18,18,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475812140201449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6260752494658631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.486255458974517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5007721141238013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Pitauya,2020/04/04,"Marijuana and BPD So I have as many of my fellow BPD suffers know as an addictive personality, first I overate to deal with my extremely empty feelings but my ex introduced me to weed and ive been addicted ever since. It lets me ignore my problems and as I do I use avoidance to avoid everything I possibly can. I know it doesn't really help me and is a depressant, so very likely could be contributing to how I'm feeling. I have no real relationships with friends and my family is the sole source of my trauma so I cant and wont talk to them. Im always alone I do have two pets but that's it. Has anyone else suffered from weed addiction because of their BPD? How did you stop?",1.4334052757793752,3.7643085035971247,3.9837122302158283,83.00631175059955,82.66906474820144,7.735443645083933,24.374580335731416,8.648137234880735,2.0420845083932853,538,21,108,14,15,188,92,139,0.261,0.701,0.039,-0.986,0,3,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,2,1,6,10,0,2,3,0,18,3,0,3,1,25,24,16,0,2,2,1,2,1,2,1,3,0,1,1,4,8,0,4,4,0,0,0,4,8,0,2,2,2,22,2,15,18,0,4,0,3,0,0,11,1,0,0,4,78,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4535315488124642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362639341142527,0.0,0.0,0.11538944461824642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696540249863003,0.1420898311610987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453553177034047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5239722641227311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107214092499298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296874721196326,0.11944133572352895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584590661817225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544027646219702,0.0,0.0,0.12463294270632852,0.0,0.13073128163927614,0.0,0.14023738743371972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117957636125411,0.0,0.0,0.10714064401216564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295152191266677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979375166894365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242527836605366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180548701382253,0.0,0.06775003215453898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059558038017342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108643296921785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563362228254057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326940924430977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578435160570591,0.08883932231768664,0.0,0.0,0.14888600146267536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471412431842885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593924855601323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146242264562388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546618831715093,0.0,0.0,0.11977143873489045,0.0,0.11442212764995426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Airportgirl9,2020/04/04,"Has moving ever helped anyone? I know we have all had the urge to move, but has anyone done it and actually created a better life for themselves? Im currently in a toxic situation where I am dating my FP in my workplace, but I had an emotional affair with another coworker last year that is making my life very troublesome. I have no friends because of my actions and I’m afraid my FP hasn’t truly forgiven me. I have the possibility to move 10 hours away and start a new life. My FP is encouraging me if it means I’ll be happier, but I don’t know if our relationship can handle long distance. Right now I have an awesome job and an amazing FP, but no friends and a toxic environment. If I moved, I would have nothing but the potential for a new life from scratch. Based on your experience, what should I do?",5.284472049689441,5.661755863354037,6.886515527950313,74.36554968944101,68.00621118012423,10.415155279503104,32.87018633540373,10.355215969177356,3.3761746583850933,638,27,125,16,10,221,98,161,0.062,0.695,0.243,0.9883,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,1,0,1,3,6,0,1,11,0,20,4,0,1,2,23,26,13,0,5,8,0,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,3,0,0,5,4,1,0,0,3,1,21,5,11,20,1,22,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,3,11,86,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.12857626942521366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815917926741478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18425575150640813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379046576467767,0.0,0.0,0.080318121381273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165287614168202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348336212427724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482094023298557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918216092095454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888407284901526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035909651344049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831424447459367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975455223961205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232066063519633,0.0,0.13074894315828295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482090256010366,0.10739991091294318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3722567467925616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166012011347844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794912404312613,0.0,0.0,0.14352249405504244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5601492904930839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25450434132504124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642483118422335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485367331135215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414581973641424,0.0,0.11252014629771523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810089936477774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932586045010485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087136987824206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359671542499967,0.0,0.0,0.08484748090934481 bpd,bpdbpdbpdmjd,2020/04/04,"So much lies in my life! I have BPD and major depressive disorder. Long story short. I have a 6yr old kid that I transferred custody to his father when he was 4 after a suicidal episode that led to me being in a psych ward and rehab(not for alcohol or drugs but for my episode) and I am in a sugar baby turned real life gf with my sugar daddy turned bf for close to 2yrs now. (We love each other and it's not about the money anymore) Problem: Aside from my BPD & depression issues. I AM SO SICK OF LYING TO EVERYBODY! The only person who knows I'm an ex sugar baby and for 2 yrs my ex sugar daddy who is now my bf has been giving me an allowance which I dont care about but for 2 years now I've been lying to everybody!! To my friends and family and to the father of my son and his family and friends. It's so bad. I've made up this whole story that I am a personal assistant/secretary of this super rich businessman and kept the lies for 2 yrs. My friends and parents and the father of my son even envy my job because I told everyone that I get paid a lot of money for such little work and flexible time. And I go on all expense paid trips with my bf all the time. Last year, I've been to 7 countries with my bf, even spent 1 month in turkey and I spend a lot of time visiting my son alone in sweden and everyone keeps asking me how I can afford it and how come I can get off work that long and frequently! I just lie and lie and lie... I'm so sick in my head and stomach about it. Especially right now, I visited my son in Scandinavia and now I'm stuck here with the father of my son and I just hate lying and lying!!!! My son even asked me what I do in my country and I have to lie again! Mygoodness. I actually hate meeting new people because when they ask me what I do for a living I have to lie again! P.s. I cant work because I literally cannot work because of my fucking BPD or depression. I used to have my own business but I literally could not open my work emails due to anxiety. A friend of mine stole money from me and for years I didn't even want to think about it because it was causing me stress and I cant handle stress. I lost a lot of money but I couldn't care less because I would rather not have money than deal with dealing with problems.I couldn't even leave my house for 1 month before.( my son used to live with me and I couldn't even bring him to school, when his nanny was absent and no one can bring him to school..he's gonna stay with me because I cant fucking leave the door). I really hate my life. I know I'm very lucky with my life but this fucking mental issues are fucking with me! The father of my son who graciously let me live in his guest house just told me to close cabinets and drawers when I'm finished getting something and here I am thinking I'm a burden to him and everyone and I should just risk getting covid19 book a flight and fly home to my country! Wtf is wrong with me.",2.3741525309639218,3.5719757915993573,4.079762722132475,88.78159346392029,75.41357027463651,7.161564351103933,23.88129375336565,7.720077496677588,1.0072899569197629,2281,68,505,31,48,768,245,619,0.18100000000000002,0.74,0.079,-0.9972,3,1,3,0,0,1,53.0,1,0,1,7,35,28,7,3,23,0,39,19,2,8,2,95,87,51,1,9,15,16,0,0,10,3,8,0,2,3,21,51,5,2,4,1,11,8,13,18,0,1,16,4,87,10,71,62,11,55,0,4,0,5,55,18,4,6,28,328,108,11,0.0,0.0,0.061920294617080485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781121482267567,0.0,0.06571744968811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875054378355558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048540838113571294,0.0,0.06292763442729384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17795801360341446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05298002259525264,0.270759544733728,0.0,0.05399323636467437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397478631020995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938770355273208,0.0651829939157906,0.0,0.05465854057817568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050661500779564085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083307641041012,0.16395412677264784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272183648047914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436562654049424,0.0,0.0735845266997248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25145788616640524,0.0,0.0,0.18189418409749206,0.0,0.0,0.11963436830417327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960923675706835,0.2346425266434584,0.1326048376678755,0.06086923086803064,0.036061406050202284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18793803790617292,0.06512036886136828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06364783348721134,0.0,0.0,0.1464308767708521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245543779906402,0.06296661987025402,0.05639932235799362,0.0,0.0,0.06974345260848451,0.051722095805911895,0.0,0.1343736541620332,0.0,0.06488427883608959,0.1792729524478739,0.0,0.0635958771177732,0.16808863813048933,0.11230658284374646,0.0,0.0,0.06926568424288387,0.16183463678818594,0.05726818079510165,0.06004010330511824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394499727668705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129404575854037,0.0,0.04664474361590749,0.0,0.0,0.06128262962761871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658251816561768,0.0,0.0429969226670234,0.04825833569697017,0.0,0.0,0.07045627340068436,0.0,0.0,0.04398983750578433,0.1108082070093152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607152845442473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222261228380188,0.040649170086825635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05418792005910579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843423637276313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048848682843577435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763171239370343,0.0,0.0,0.14536879739260428,0.0,0.0,0.06940652074956781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131534733329357,0.0,0.0,0.11099864443654857,0.0,0.0,0.12126278939832802,0.0,0.0,0.13803576973927012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960483393307263,0.0,0.0523547952325328,0.03742581229815257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084223028006265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309701614633865,0.0,0.0,0.04507469551119613,0.06937513241418464,0.0,0.12258360828736607 bpd,woooaaahh,2020/04/04,"How do I safely and considerately end a sexual (FWB) relationship with my friend who has BPD? My friend and I have been hooking up for several months. She recently discovered she has BPD and it makes a lot of sense. She has a history of abusive boyfriends and an unhealthy sexual life, with me being her first healthy sexual relationship. After a couple of hook-ups it seemed like she was getting the wrong idea so I established that I didn't want to be anything more than friends, and said that if she wanted to continue hooking up with that boundary in mind, then I would be happy to continue and she should just let me know. She said that us hooking up was ""educational"" for her, because as I mentioned, I was one of if not the first healthy sexual partner she'd had. Lately, I've been thinking about it a lot and realize that if we continue down this path it will probably end really badly. I still care a lot about her and want to support her in getting help (which she is struggling to find the self motivation to do), but as a friend. How do I considerately tell her this? I am concerned she will hurt herself or see me as abandoning her, which is not the case. She just exited a depressive period in which she hurt herself a bit, so I don't think that *right now* is the best time to approach this, but it has to happen sooner rather than later. What advice do you guys have?",6.604287484510528,6.352908040892192,7.151955390334573,75.72783395291202,65.24535315985129,10.89080545229244,33.17496902106568,10.504223727775694,3.309364114002478,1089,41,213,25,15,359,141,269,0.10300000000000001,0.775,0.122,0.5256,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,2,1,0,4,11,17,0,1,15,0,31,1,0,4,0,47,47,22,0,9,11,0,0,1,5,4,1,2,0,3,19,12,0,2,10,0,0,1,4,7,0,3,9,3,39,10,32,29,6,27,0,4,1,0,38,9,0,8,18,169,58,1,0.0,0.13063337963878854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773927792928847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907299384191906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205777961012382,0.06721003037815262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157051415498866,0.0,0.12036919808758903,0.0,0.2777229964844508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241166117381726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199434476507165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496191286989733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953052634517547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077048141578222,0.18756459304856435,0.0,0.0,0.3407289591957807,0.0,0.1152066979522144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916914385113807,0.0974975604306184,0.11736780917257153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390116890040938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360591309105752,0.12446374457780585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060592909128508884,0.0,0.12437171277218385,0.0,0.0,0.11274254612699593,0.07787591028689654,0.05386470782011433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812029251204252,0.0,0.0,0.07359563691250186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132546676770776,0.0,0.08800397285120334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471120314601486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188728405709262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063176189590277,0.0,0.10886287261909147,0.2367438276338836,0.0,0.09415661522913664,0.20975427580746364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878584448359953,0.10037142230630508,0.11501933598796507,0.1245560364830829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804926890173129,0.0,0.0,0.11526178877065607,0.0,0.0,0.12511533345927428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636716437039176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129307533364055,0.0,0.0,0.06429020000378978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262241166152391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950926223603715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832152917456384,0.12054582722621265,0.0,0.0 bpd,drawablackline,2020/04/04,Has anyone been to therapy Since this corona virus thing has been going on?? Being cooped up has made my symptoms and anxiety worse and I’ve tried to setup an online therapy session or a phone session but have kinda got the run around. Anyone successfully been?,5.274374999999999,7.580434354166666,5.8066666666666675,74.80500000000002,70.04166666666666,8.133333333333335,26.583333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.387233333333333,211,7,33,4,4,68,39,48,0.066,0.8390000000000001,0.094,0.5329999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,1,0,7,11,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,1,5,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,23,3,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20352609341951206,0.0,0.0,0.3720540808227512,0.0,0.0,0.2368392437103854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512012849765861,0.0,0.2127829957944093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517411760712511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22007776475368546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27652587803506945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.608498452462451,0.0,0.17675055773923487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18062921834263346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711257764953888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lostinsaudade,2020/04/04,"Dont wanna die but cant stand being alive?? Sometimes I just find it hard to wrap my head around this whole living thing. I'm a fairly religious person so thats the only reason im still holding on but quite honestly, I've been feeling beyond exhausted lately. I just get extreme mood swings where im super happy for a few minutes-hours then I instantly crash and feel so weird. I don't know how to describe this feeling but its sort of like a feeling of doom, like everything is black, like theres no way out and im trapped in 'here'. &#x200B; When I feel like this I tend to force myself to sleep because I know that being awake will make me go extremely manic at some point and I'll do things I regret (like cut or get super irritable). I just don't know how to cope with this anymore. I feel like I've tried every single thing but regardless im the most unstable person ever. &#x200B; I just cant seem to have any sort of baseline when it comes to my emotions. Im either super low, super high, or simply numb to the point where I can't stand my own existence. I've been on medication since November - mainly for my bulimia but its meant to help with this too apparently. I'm currently taking zoloft (25mg daily) and lamictal (a mood stabilizer) every night. &#x200B; Despite all of this, my mood seems to be anything but stable. I feel like I'm slowly losing my mind. I just don't have any control over how I feel anymore. Everytime I remember the fact that I wont be able to sleep and escape my life since I already slept for like 14 hours today, my heart starts beating so fast and the sense of doom and fear kicks in. I don't know why I feel so trapped, kind of like im suffocating and sleeping is my only way out??",3.9066666666666654,4.957927096866097,5.081041595441596,83.64081025641029,71.47863247863249,7.8952022792022785,26.57561253561253,8.238735603445708,1.6389552364672366,1365,44,275,20,25,452,180,351,0.154,0.6679999999999999,0.17800000000000002,0.8566,2,2,0,0,0,1,47.0,0,0,0,8,23,29,1,1,9,0,21,11,6,6,3,64,49,26,1,3,14,0,10,9,0,2,5,0,0,2,16,14,0,2,19,0,0,2,10,10,0,0,4,11,31,16,33,39,9,34,2,5,1,0,3,16,0,8,21,158,47,0,0.0689556662616617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609429241100818,0.0,0.0,0.22414030675541216,0.2513660462451155,0.09378443529696256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677098398262422,0.0,0.0,0.05674463792980779,0.061385162423089515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04203473412975425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05939920073245926,0.0,0.0,0.07733964313176762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715650948839112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081552730366279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756584336542811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623743479200697,0.11619624571789852,0.0,0.061972906548953675,0.0,0.0,0.07759429536073452,0.3137945107305975,0.14778582526597414,0.0,0.0,0.0630242297259348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205297916309833,0.0,0.03918909422045493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340458896094286,0.061770732697276835,0.0,0.07076840729466302,0.0,0.0,0.08171279652865755,0.04621952957212986,0.07285544733423274,0.0,0.0,0.13581488241305165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44690371448600535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180671522770724,0.15158492332377602,0.0,0.07778499504056625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04870542634193446,0.303194299051866,0.0,0.060889116635417025,0.0,0.0,0.07714375237046943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04602844267918296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946557925460181,0.0,0.0,0.06962556587346112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471022160163102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488778290664012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041885607129205,0.0,0.0,0.1303707861166223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334283899001053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089790946698651,0.0,0.0,0.07811332777068214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554929754182287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408167939968028,0.0,0.20701639565749802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819891712460421,0.0,0.048807175492870634,0.0,0.055068084150228375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051846079390219436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374332419562463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536190884162955,0.0,0.0,0.046816371022857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946759651287497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062221763433365586,0.07698653883233618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513660462451155,0.0 bpd,Tuhawaiki,2020/04/04,"No happy memories? Hi all, A few years ago, I came out of a really bad relationship with someone I should never have been attracted to (of course). I will just call it abusive, to put details to the side. In the course of it, I lost everything really: my family, friends, and had to move town. Ever since then, all of my memories have changed. I can't say I have any happy memories at all. I have many memories of disturbing things that happened during the relationship, but now even memories of ""happy"" events before the relationship are not just tinged with melancholy, but are so bad that I have to find ways to avoid remembering anything from my life. There is a lot more I could add to this, about how it has unravelled my sense of self, and how it makes it almost impossible to plan anything for the future. But I guess I wanted to ask if this was something that other borderlines found tricky to deal with, and if anyone had suggestions.",6.294729315628196,6.881158707865173,6.697313585291116,75.86775791624109,65.85393258426967,10.74239019407559,30.78855975485189,10.637119530657019,3.237004494382023,742,26,139,19,11,241,108,178,0.141,0.821,0.038,-0.9511,0,1,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,2,10,10,0,2,8,0,17,1,0,3,5,35,25,12,0,5,8,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,12,9,0,1,3,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,7,1,15,5,26,15,6,17,0,1,0,0,11,5,0,5,8,105,27,0,0.0,0.1533978548761773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147651556016146,0.0,0.12964303187317855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880423614733091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052670872924848,0.0,0.2130814951742846,0.0,0.12103466570122152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21619996291765306,0.0,0.0,0.1101673341008794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322008256336826,0.14807636620262785,0.0,0.0,0.13695948220216406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336928952986013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347534071676553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551208392871924,0.11711079495978112,0.0,0.0,0.11635706975592992,0.0,0.1220504669686418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833097885673008,0.0,0.0,0.14195446646633084,0.1000262941587898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262308293020698,0.0,0.11448771108174342,0.4134617861461912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144674674705018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132910511555008,0.11006866600673763,0.0,0.0,0.08642058302280704,0.1312597568382746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760349745065906,0.0,0.0,0.09985334219210272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015062895418872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588043256502066,0.0,0.0,0.4169990328807586,0.14666147570634694,0.0,0.0,0.10295777798906904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350628718220596,0.0,0.0,0.10709688045127154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969741982832584,0.09967043143828312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601247551328291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636330483321346,0.10276530078027812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337284592631669 bpd,barelyalivebutidc,2020/04/04,"Spending quarantine with my FP I’m spending my corona quarantine with my best friend (FP) and another friend and just yesterday my FP told me that I am her best(estest) friend ever and that the other friend can be quite annoying (which is true) and that I’m her number 1 priority because I asked her if she was mad at me. I’ve been grumpy all day because I just feel so depressed today and now she’s almost ignoring me and laughing with the other girl 24/7. I don’t mind that they’re having fun but she doesn’t even try to include me. She only asked me whether I’ve taken my meds or not, which irritated me too. My rationally thinking side knows that I’m being stupid, that she doesn’t hate me and that she just wants to give me the space she thinks I need/want .... but the irrational side is the one controlling my emotions. So here I am, mad .... sad ... and about to scream. Just needed to rant. Sorry.",3.069833333333332,4.828337427777782,3.9711111111111137,87.96500000000002,74.72222222222223,7.2444444444444445,24.222222222222207,8.021203637495839,1.2286222222222212,707,22,147,11,15,227,101,180,0.187,0.715,0.09699999999999999,-0.9686,0,2,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,3,12,17,5,0,5,0,13,0,0,1,3,34,28,15,0,3,10,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,11,11,0,2,4,0,2,0,4,9,0,1,4,2,31,8,9,22,2,9,0,2,0,0,19,4,0,3,5,97,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523598058924154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255810523410966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898564580593915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18900462056786912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253800995676473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738746563717067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997883878297352,0.0,0.13352352475805654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743831987738472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239310211357827,0.14022974339994895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838572031860984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4790903030912572,0.0,0.0,0.14871490729992246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530559172331359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519814478956038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721987549141417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653190072661502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298993850576906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050495180803522,0.11790413345591945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648890583188554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353873043475598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19866859114664867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694636514257484,0.14813382908846526,0.0,0.10525236598649328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287650844845085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,babsquinnx,2020/04/04,"Was So In Denial of This Disorder, I didn't realize I was regressing. Basically, after my ex of 2017 called me ""too much of a mess"" I went through first month of 2018 going on a DBT path but I still wasn't 100% healthy, I see that now. Then my silly goose self decided to jump into a relationship with a guy who mirrored same emotional scars as me. First guy I ever trusted so much, and he hurt me badly. Ghosted me. Became hyperfixated on him and long story short we have it another shot just for him to crush me more. Eight days later ended up finding an amazing guy but due to hyperfixating on ex and being unable to control myself from hurting him or fucking up, I lost the relationship recently and I've been a mess. I moved away from the label .... The disorder... cause I figured ""oh I probably don't have it after all"" but of course the disorder ends up being mentioned more often than not lately and I guess I just didn't want to accept the fact that relationships and loving myself is always going to be so so much harder than most and the stigma attached on this disorder ended up scaring me away. Because of my ex from 2018, I feel really goddamn shattered. I'm struggling to connect and don't find men attractive anymore lately as I used to. I pushed everyone else away because they weren't him. He claims to be a friend but it's clear he doesn't give two shits. I lost an amazing over this and so so much more. I get it, he deserves to be with someone simple and who is consistent and healthy. I'm clearly far too unstable for anyone and it eats me alive. More than ever the complete lack of identity is extremely strong. I literally can't figure out how to be in a relationship or how to present myself at all because I just can't figure out who I am and what is really me vs trauma. This sucks. I got in with a therapist finally and I'm happy to be going back into therapy but given my moods lately and slow slips into suicidal ideation I know I'm going to most benefit from medication too... I'm just so sad......",3.2980438043804376,5.010735495049508,5.1904860486048605,79.65448394839484,74.0,8.164296429642965,27.34143414341434,8.841846274778883,2.2502501650165017,1596,61,304,33,33,548,202,404,0.184,0.696,0.12,-0.9778,0,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,1,0,1,6,23,26,3,2,17,0,26,5,1,5,7,66,51,34,2,2,13,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,15,24,1,1,10,0,0,8,10,14,0,4,12,2,43,11,59,32,14,56,0,5,1,2,30,23,3,6,25,224,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734909817041695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487332049012332,0.0,0.0,0.08027136747277029,0.056595578855759235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281391927089665,0.06223835753659919,0.06758205518392447,0.14802199231285934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826494451966107,0.0,0.0,0.0831483354683414,0.0,0.0,0.08486472318538113,0.0,0.09078181253461973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052200018043007786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710599524387868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282248362776026,0.06761552032147053,0.09104732794658596,0.2150681530915805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643088927114625,0.0,0.07734225207379168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04092602059349405,0.0,0.0,0.08866651697259595,0.1479565608641529,0.1376961374871614,0.0,0.0,0.06253453923354796,0.07482831927639941,0.042288144747454015,0.07764563920542566,0.18400172852421992,0.0,0.06473562548227679,0.0,0.0891652425006375,0.24043188317301234,0.0,0.08616281850279113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329726264778728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04448286006701679,0.0,0.2739137091341897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162992112374228,0.0,0.0,0.1767125442968129,0.0,0.07305208954600045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153918143578456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460604823213176,0.08602709299958099,0.2380027401024733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872677019297857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370529574801447,0.0,0.07991911923123217,0.3475998333083216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103570285931519,0.0,0.06449921226024269,0.0,0.08443874211259125,0.0,0.08308440587307939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858074331118877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463930126299301,0.0,0.0,0.08461673312441786,0.0,0.08853592515911464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256267818320944,0.09397832387089232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790672461066798,0.0,0.0,0.06990672684191661,0.0,0.0,0.047740887756125436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503278605114108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CHlCKPEA,2020/04/04,"i'm scared of food is this my new coping skill? or perhaps the one i've returned to. i don't like food. the thought and sight disgust me. i hope my appetite never returns so i can continue starving until i die. this is my fault, i did this. i'm no victim. i'm evil. i'm bad. i deserve to starve. it comforts me. oh, my... it feels good. like a burden being washed away. food scares me. the idea of eating scares me. i don't like it. i don't want to see it anymore. i dont care about how i look. i just don't want to exist. i want to wither away. i want to disappear. the smaller i get the easier it is to do that. i don't need food. i don't need anything. i hate it. but i love fasting. im like Oki now, and I look up to him in this regard. maybe i should say hi.",-3.1063953488372107,-1.7856763197674397,0.2271802325581387,103.0072819767442,111.61627906976744,2.847674418604651,14.09593023255814,4.8782641753992095,-1.3024046511627905,571,15,147,3,32,200,90,172,0.248,0.657,0.094,-0.9104,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,1,5,19,4,3,6,0,15,7,0,1,1,18,35,7,1,8,3,0,1,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,11,2,5,0,3,0,0,1,9,10,0,1,2,6,29,9,16,31,0,13,0,0,4,1,4,4,0,2,12,88,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974678867392816,0.0,0.0,0.09936300768915307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268881716080421,0.0,0.1008171946616504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310777399582098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531444965815336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151246979159302,0.0,0.0,0.12355247900551315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610523988013086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5840222784394498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308438104288716,0.0,0.0,0.10127534121750699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921088254130645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992722358137622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630662849529165,0.13042553105403298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359600136649911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20279110742895784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897725309116243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213047780761299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906206492288138,0.09312613842798796,0.1166164621662332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182006933990353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602142577062786,0.3626610144132416,0.0,0.09621828783198584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958581978096101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848745786810093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,unicornsareok,2020/04/04,Gonna die alone I don't really have friends I can trust and get support from. I have a few acquaintances who text me now and then. I have a boyfriend but he might not be my FP forever and I feel like I'm gonna die alone. I really need friends or atleast a friend.,0.13195402298850567,2.0220516206896555,1.8110344827586216,99.29574712643681,84.51724137931033,6.625287356321839,21.73563218390805,7.793537801064563,0.6529908045977009,206,7,53,4,6,67,40,58,0.271,0.5479999999999999,0.18100000000000002,-0.6975,0,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,9,14,6,2,1,3,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,8,6,1,10,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4648839071030771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4658461309960212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134786285508188,0.16033294589558694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5201825376402578,0.0,0.1172554917460617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964523617932652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380849255574725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16641211444496692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28755140529867546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546806776082537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RichMan_24,2020/04/04,"To those with experience with Gabapentin, does it lower sex drive? Just curious to see how often it lowers sex drive, thanks. [View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/futr2d)",8.62717948717949,12.898311461538466,5.036153846153848,74.39217948717952,69.0,8.082051282051282,24.051282051282055,8.841846274778883,2.2867589743589747,142,4,20,3,3,38,21,26,0.128,0.6920000000000001,0.18,0.3612,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,5,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,2,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4887949962650954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5463736907851928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4450957925656066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5142421385732273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PristineMarionberry6,2020/04/04,"I don't understand why certain things make me mad today I got mad cos I told my mum I suddenly have cystic acne and she said something in a stressed/annoyed tone about me picking my skin. I have had a really bad skin picking problem and I KNOW it's bad. anyone who has problems with body focused repetitive behaviors KNOWS. anyway I was just trying to tell her about the new acne so it annoyed me that she interrupted to lecture me about a habit that is painful and not even the cause of the cystic acne. hours later im like wtf is wrong with me, why did this make me so mad. I understand I just wanted her to listen but like WHY am I so sensitive with her???? I literally had an angry outburst",0.6904962406015045,3.199196200000003,2.792255639097746,88.16748120300754,90.57142857142857,5.518796992481203,22.36842105263158,7.0608816371341465,1.047214285714286,548,21,107,9,19,184,86,140,0.23,0.723,0.047,-0.965,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,10,13,4,0,7,0,11,4,3,6,1,24,22,7,0,3,4,1,2,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,7,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,10,0,0,7,4,24,3,11,15,0,7,0,0,0,0,11,1,0,0,8,72,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488372418278038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743704842119603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18250239630046236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878333310359214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085198700169656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140725641591086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16180429722365902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747427028193846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805920791030247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053923991140084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21934561773147676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868382025018832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17482882932284755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144295000916967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525601852551927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562887527337611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648764674281004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360712186637534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915489640410986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15573901088619446,0.15699752762607128,0.0,0.11155022008379686,0.0,0.0,0.3420881907697619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969095306047509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4447707876549317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796383593318278,0.0,0.0 bpd,love_pendant,2020/04/04,"I don't know if this is BPD per se, but DAE significantly doubt their ability to do things they once could or even can now? I've been having this strange phenomenon recently. It feels like a new persona has taken place of my old self and is just igniting this cycle of self-doubt and avoidance. For example, I used to paint a lot but kinda of fell out of it since getting to college. By no means was I amazing, but I enjoyed it more just for the act than the outcome. However, now when I consider getting back into it, my mind goes to, ""I *can't paint.*"" It's not a ""can't"" like low self-esteem, but like something is legitimately telling me I would have no idea what to do if I picked up a paintbrush right now. A similar thing has been happening while watching some films and TV shows. My mind will almost always drift off to, ""These writers are amazing. How do they do it? I can't understand how to write like that to produce something this long."" And yet, in the past, I *have* written lots, and I'm still a fairly good writer. But because I legitimately think that I'm unable to do something, I don't even try it. It's usually an activity that requires some creativity.",3.558788745827372,5.029120789699572,4.8540414878397735,83.31698974725799,72.86266094420601,7.924558893657607,28.824272770624706,8.515128840125781,2.0532596089651887,916,37,187,16,18,304,137,233,0.069,0.773,0.158,0.9766,1,1,3,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,3,2,13,11,0,2,10,0,26,0,0,6,0,44,39,17,0,4,11,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,19,7,0,2,6,3,0,3,8,3,0,0,5,2,19,8,22,31,5,25,0,1,1,0,6,8,0,10,18,131,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554322476750813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126301453207169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408328313665532,0.0,0.08251403982017208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048085131013874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807373633863736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17880766046302798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844195055411459,0.096701023755033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143975250262114,0.0,0.0,0.11353332599621176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969816913453996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280466797109468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439017195080873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26451972248568506,0.0,0.0,0.11978910846088073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23015601719350995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744643656854026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733494969779353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073127828035536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420372748984207,0.1441537031296689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921618603650098,0.0,0.0,0.14142211618531625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365141119099938,0.0,0.0,0.1155964765175152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4236291822694563,0.0,0.0,0.11197097390553136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31261961779008696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809846148583446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183103770891963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798539903434435,0.08673305441760648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190037674299327,0.0,0.0,0.140914260803133,0.0,0.11690735313452502,0.14907962774484732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961556740969348,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,EmptyIndication,2020/04/04,"Stayed Calm Instead Of Exploding Social media was always a big trigger for me. If someone didn't reply back as soon as I wanted, I would spiral down and get spammy. I almost exploded tonight when my friend didn't text back, but I stayed calm instead and just admitted that I needed to talk because of anxiety. She replied and admitted that she just didn't feel too much like talking tonight. I feel better knowing that I shared my honest thoughts to someone instead of letting my feelings spiral out of control.",8.546105263157893,8.203849294736841,7.843157894736844,72.67210526315792,61.31578947368421,9.705263157894738,41.10526315789474,8.841846274778883,3.915484210526316,413,21,66,5,5,129,62,95,0.02,0.736,0.244,0.9661,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,10,7,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,2,0,21,16,8,0,4,4,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,7,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,3,13,7,11,9,1,11,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,2,7,50,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985845026669226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501452899753805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171094916796093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049850267777893,0.0,0.12089139526401108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17539409928667807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224278935263184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30082309320121153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532181991745606,0.0,0.10361175542430627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898910901299044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027912147967147,0.0,0.09688702188086852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578484020215182,0.14704856075189074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021578569892669,0.33606445708185523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42275624731063793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187972562766575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574404945038918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697172376484395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087776612881556,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Cool_Maybe,2020/04/04,"Anyone else obsessed with a parent? My mom is my best friend. I have decided that the day she leaves this Earth, so will I, by any means necessary. I cannot live without her. Even spending a few days apart is torture. The thought of losing her is the worst thing I could ever imagine. She tries to help me the best she can and I truly appreciate how she has read up on BPD and anxiety and depression and is learning how to deal with me and help me, but it always boils down to this separation anxiety I have from her that I've had since I was 4 years old, and I'm turning 23 in four days. I feel like I see threads all the time about someone shitty ass parents (and my heart truly goes out to you) and how their parents were/are abusive and I was just wondering if anyone else had it kind of on ''the other side of the coin'', less hateful of their parents and more clingy and needy? Thanks xx",5.681868131868129,5.059105318681322,5.966241758241763,84.70375824175827,67.24175824175825,9.038241758241758,30.83736263736264,8.238735603445708,1.9446334065934057,696,23,151,8,10,223,115,182,0.179,0.696,0.125,-0.9234,4,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,2,3,8,12,2,1,9,0,15,3,2,3,2,31,24,17,0,2,4,5,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,8,14,1,0,7,1,2,0,2,6,0,1,5,2,26,6,20,17,7,15,0,2,1,1,19,8,1,2,8,106,34,2,0.0,0.14147414811872347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935364634680817,0.0,0.0,0.08119877620095389,0.0,0.18268738010090085,0.0,0.0,0.16698002732567802,0.2446869014988768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506141443938581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503850870629641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533433299754553,0.0,0.0,0.23101699678972376,0.12310022286819705,0.10284244168022776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994933466392164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886517863915136,0.1080077030139394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06037422158407235,0.08530220118400794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225119065068038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788667405526072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414942481036496,0.1600678929699667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434083291194198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643153573085406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05833473552920235,0.0,0.10543586980286768,0.0,0.0,0.13358247057088005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006589907358726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984445565321152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529435292956467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5303357955677797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943625602829125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514948378873284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877217605322218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117057395334228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109931108864491,0.0,0.0,0.07932667448737601,0.0,0.0,0.09479339368862263,0.06962539974903814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106743984092438,0.12987720295886312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510114071520212,0.1294884834305019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689222488267676 bpd,WeakArtichoke9,2020/04/04,"Am I being unreasonable?? Basically, I’ve had this really good friend for over a year but we now live in different cities and haven’t seen each other in ages. However, recently we don’t talk much, he’ll ask if I’m okay then not reply once I’ve responded. I was in the middle of a depressive period a couple of days ago, which he knew and he asked how I was and then just didn’t respond. And a couple of months ago I was telling him how my psychiatrist thought I was also showing signs of OCD behaviours and again, he didn’t reply leaving me feeling pretty shit cos I thought we were really close friends and when I needed support I was left high and dry. This feeling has been worsening during isolation, he’ll post on insta how he’s talking to his other friends and hasn’t responded to me. I know I’m not entitled to his time it’s just why ask if I’m okay and then ignore my response? The worst part is that last summer I let him stay in my flat for a while when I had to go home to sort some things out. He had nowhere else to stay as his contract had just ended so I let him stay at my flat rent free and he said he would either pay me back later or pay for my food etc. He didn’t do either. Even when I came back and we shared my flat and I would run out of shampoo or soap, he wouldn’t buy any. So now I’m feeling like he just used me for my niceness and my needing to please everyone. He will talk to me when it’s to talk about himself and what’s happening with his life but even if he’s the one to ask if I’m okay, I don’t get a response. Am I being unreasonable in thinking that they used me? Am I being blinded by bpd and actually making this a lot worse than it is? I really can’t tell if I’m the shit friend in this or if it’s them? please help me I want to know whether my thoughts are valid or whether it’s bpd making this into an issue. Thank you",1.0966861637757148,2.816044878109452,3.0890883420734205,92.26686365469948,80.31840796019901,6.535000672314105,21.561382277800192,7.534196372845213,0.6303616243108778,1459,43,339,22,37,492,188,402,0.09300000000000001,0.748,0.16,0.9762,3,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,4,1,2,0,22,19,2,0,12,3,36,5,2,8,0,77,73,44,0,12,22,0,3,1,4,6,2,1,2,0,17,26,1,1,10,1,5,3,11,5,0,1,21,6,50,15,37,41,9,49,0,1,2,0,49,16,2,13,27,218,67,2,0.0,0.0,0.08349108439465656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168186257777996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841973329005213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058181550419253825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31993619376545224,0.0,0.0,0.13157577934342288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155115614945668,0.0,0.0,0.0978541740810746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18933391952869205,0.0,0.05517705099873993,0.0,0.07368993703857141,0.0,0.0,0.08938863471979559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147171884136656,0.0,0.075777920495237,0.0,0.09541843570318727,0.1130189045204684,0.0,0.0,0.08175317839003385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978024970808522,0.06112178719021614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345560892377266,0.0,0.264403851939616,0.0,0.04469989105080236,0.0,0.04862389487237512,0.07176097543824314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565758599860806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05734691223847802,0.0903954450218082,0.08582043528830295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892990594134083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403954751377214,0.06974020218580654,0.0,0.09059228617563768,0.09295770163532817,0.1749752269006825,0.060431290318731415,0.04179872548801114,0.0,0.07554821220152037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273732250801154,0.0,0.0,0.11421964209642585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829061275791816,0.0,0.06289408423984773,0.12687854998439368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111518806350416,0.057975494485336676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264966508964928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878313243040543,0.0,0.0,0.08193975382611451,0.08704201268165662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16442960961085587,0.0,0.08447700753595344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138409869122852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564562894525607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735764602932086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708883031669027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27506922480956936,0.14956080939037028,0.07876919643733159,0.0,0.0,0.05684012896766767,0.054821335789575466,0.0,0.20376760115167786,0.049888851722764964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778719152676975,0.0,0.0,0.05046361087987601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720169460764438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718967735984724,0.12155417638954905,0.0,0.0,0.055095767056739284 bpd,Fritochipteeth,2020/04/04,"Do these thoughts sound more Narcissistic or Borderline or something else? These are thoughts that go through my head pretty frequently. “Why are people such terrible listeners? Nobody listens as well as I do. Nobody asks as good questions as I do. Nobody cares for me as much as I care for them.” “Everyone around me is a fucking idiot and is no where near my complexity.” “Why are people so exclusive? I am the nicest person alive. I would know to do so and so and include someone in, why does no one do this for me?” (Really ashamed of this one but it’s been in my head a lot) “ I hope the people of my generation die from Corona. They’re so stupid and useless and make the world a terrible place.” “I have the prettiest face I have ever seen.” “I am the most unattractive person in the whole room.” “ I want to be famous and make a difference, the world has to know of my brilliance and pay me the validation I deserve”. “I don’t care if I never talked to my best friends ever again.” These thoughts make me sound like a terrible person, but on the outside I am a very sweet people pleaser who one would never tell thinks these things. I’m intensely angry at the world and hold a lot of pride in my sweetness and softness and get very frustrated when I don’t get that 100% reciprocated. It is my deepest joy also to make people feel like they’re not alone and to help out people in any way, with nothing in return other than making them happy. So how am I simultaneously a very sweet person yet extremely arrogant and negativistic and hold very high expectations for people? Sorry for the confusion. Just want a little help labeling these chronic thoughts so I can get the proper help i need. Thanks",4.406779141104291,6.044836450920247,5.240998773006137,80.71289693251532,70.99386503067484,8.283484662576686,27.76392638036809,8.841846274778883,2.161116220858895,1337,48,253,25,25,435,167,326,0.14400000000000002,0.607,0.249,0.9917,0,1,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,2,2,18,27,4,2,21,0,25,5,3,6,4,56,56,33,1,8,7,0,2,2,1,2,1,4,1,4,14,16,0,2,10,0,1,1,7,10,1,3,6,10,33,17,36,47,7,30,0,1,1,1,17,19,1,9,11,179,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611563999573038,0.0,0.06649295310549592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056543089509455524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401882247199776,0.07773160353684883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725807617917686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543229755240478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629388347779976,0.08687134560128225,0.0,0.0,0.07276285812082002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945899115305594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042318382025371,0.0,0.07945091270480198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04204182839706151,0.059400525753789415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423948210015007,0.07686843999582542,0.13032326858955728,0.0,0.047254588787259806,0.06974010194385707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885119632246228,0.0,0.0,0.17066645975671124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671958671653807,0.08784980294068828,0.0,0.08258413842759897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139128321922964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124324840500134,0.08333554763732295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137790786295715,0.0,0.0,0.2775077064919083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112291283341423,0.06165275037276593,0.12825681571701147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978218163573078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690285090591805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035076101808819,0.2904044423109441,0.08687134560128225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459080720051383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314412749456398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05326635945149324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045053000071719,0.0640109378253036,0.0,0.093076717232766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683073795570871,0.0726745005205963,0.0765509631945117,0.0,0.0,0.0552394440641145,0.05327750247700668,0.0,0.2640390210303628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744212819999735,0.09808499245516523,0.06599854323815413,0.0,0.0,0.07475950648286776,0.0,0.2250828121814945,0.0928311130186214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813106777518848,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,f4keaccount2p0st,2020/04/04,"Never diagnosed but I feel I have BPD Hi, I'm a 23yo guy, I've never been diagnosed with BPD nor have I visited any Dr. In struggling with many things right now like suicidal thoughts (but I can't commit suicide because of my family and religion), I practice self harm like cutting and punching among other things. While going through r/BPD and r/BPDmemes, I read stories of people and can relate to many of those posts and some even exactly express the things I feel. Idk what to do sometimes the thoughts in my head get so overwhelming I just feel like banging it. So idk if I have bpd but I really feel I do. I made a new account because I didn't want me friends to know I'm posting here and sorry you had to read this and sorry if I wasted your time. I just dk what to do. Thank you",2.045300207039336,4.04900077639752,3.40096894409938,89.79656728778471,78.50310559006212,6.529358178053831,26.26128364389234,7.554174236665415,1.3952033954451344,619,25,129,9,15,202,95,161,0.19899999999999998,0.6970000000000001,0.10400000000000001,-0.9246,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,3,0,0,7,9,1,2,4,0,11,4,1,1,4,30,25,16,2,3,7,0,4,3,1,0,3,0,0,2,9,9,0,0,7,2,1,2,5,4,0,0,6,4,21,5,14,19,1,14,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,3,9,83,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525836017314617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492495426997328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5575322967353561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22465235167944428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309548612476555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432839202309838,0.0,0.223829231214156,0.07906158295268531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550219174742832,0.0,0.05781971219674524,0.0,0.06289544652827651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957919271075778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357778651004255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060820501398748415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220108513200832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471718994323796,0.0,0.22440093362032748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17070870579644473,0.10688430588342096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672358833654272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21197962108290436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22139685336301046,0.0,0.07089706097581347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451027571724127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545135868130407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109453954744839,0.24776860161014694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569472213786815,0.0,0.24210670590275946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188866596563327,0.0,0.0,0.22056965828403965,0.0,0.0,0.17571681983476484,0.06453167962217192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527513577531635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Nazgul0,2020/04/04,"Why do people with BPD lie so much? I just want to clarify that I'm not here to demonize people struggling with this illness and I don't pretend to be an expert on personality disorders. I am close with people that are diagnosed with BPD, they are some of the nicest people I've ever met. I know it varies, but one common pattern I've noticed is lying. My boyfriend has BPD and every time I confront him about something, he will constantly deny it, even with overwhelming evidence. He has gaslighted me, gotten angry and defensive, said horrible things to me even though he knows what he's done wrong. I know there is no malicious intent, but it has put a strain on my emotional health. I just want to get a better understanding so I can be more supportive, I have been doing research but I would like your opinions. Have any of you overcame this, and if so how?",4.89413654618474,6.288176265060244,5.656807228915664,79.14476907630524,69.48192771084337,8.90682730923695,29.49598393574297,9.2995712137729,2.6192586345381534,684,26,126,14,12,223,110,166,0.17300000000000001,0.718,0.109,-0.9387,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,1,1,13,9,2,3,4,0,20,3,0,2,1,30,32,13,0,4,7,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,9,10,0,1,4,1,0,1,3,6,0,1,5,1,18,3,15,23,3,8,1,1,0,0,11,3,0,3,5,92,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489776830763297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341931184444195,0.0,0.0,0.527269368458415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080235773166326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163879448337932,0.0,0.0,0.15993467594690974,0.0,0.0,0.14280657019731322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697328472407926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843409420732218,0.12622961152382542,0.11757563362660725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290833389190184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483335345848052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300766255129741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681763503779538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258420738369807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887689716980158,0.0,0.0,0.09456167811865768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38698144859602857,0.1218483713970156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028479046795714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274258396128852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743125640285607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588639601760808,0.0,0.0,0.15835798905770254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927098255457401,0.0,0.13710569703717335,0.0,0.08137185512942409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14527491451280589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461864693314365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592081983103046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913125367679497,0.15257438285974748,0.0,0.0 bpd,mad_rose4,2020/04/04,"I think my psychiatrist is a bully? is all psychiatrists solution to sedate their patients or is that just me and bad luck? like they assume what you’re feeling or going through but don’t really care to ask questions and when you try to explain they jump to the easiest explanation... My first (and only) 5150/5250 was because an MD put me on Lithium, Latuda, Zyprexa, Gabapentin and more all at once then stopped all of them no taper down. I was then started on high doses of Fluoxetine then Paxil. This all in under a year. the radical detox from Paxil took tolls on my body and mind and landed me in the psych hospital. Flash forward to the present after a bad experience now I have PTSD too. I dissociate 10 times more than I used to and way harder than I did before and I used to have anxiety but now I have panic attacks. My BPD symptoms are all through the roof even new ones are surfacing I didn’t exhibit before. My psychiatrist wants to put me on Prazosin for night terrors and sure okay but she’s pushing I start Serroquel and that’s an antipsychotic like lithium and latuda but plus it has major sedative effects. I think she’s convinced i’m psychotic but won’t say they diagnosis for the medication (which... haha is that legal?). I’m telling her it’s just dissociation plus the fear of that feeling on top of it causing I panic... and she’s treating me like i’m a kid and won’t listen to me telling me to take the drugs anyways and see how I feel. I don’t wanna go down that scary road of antipsychotics again where I can’t even function but I feel like she’s shoving it down my throat and not giving me another option like i’ll just have to suffer through all my heightened BPD symptoms plus now PTSD. by the way I’m not bipolar or schizo-effective so I don’t know why they’re trying to prescribe antipsychotics... also isn’t BPD mainly treated by DBT not drugs anyways? ugh what is she doin’? these are HEAVY meds they shouldn’t be prescribed so carelessly... and that’s coming from a licensed nurse (aka me) Please just do your research into what you’re taking they don’t always know what’s best.",2.788708024036765,5.200332364734301,3.8533627901496414,85.42075821845177,78.0096618357488,6.551101684929893,26.28113585483681,7.678348718463194,1.5842059149287149,1685,67,322,26,41,544,211,414,0.10400000000000001,0.764,0.132,0.8479,0,0,2,0,0,0,43.0,0,2,7,4,20,24,1,4,16,2,28,10,2,5,7,67,57,36,0,3,16,0,4,5,0,3,8,2,0,1,17,21,0,1,12,0,0,9,14,10,0,2,5,7,48,14,46,48,11,48,0,1,1,0,24,20,0,7,24,218,65,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770791229162078,0.0802001174460248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106817249606316,0.07373433124364398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901070495994482,0.10965195627963413,0.0,0.0,0.16095505092821694,0.05875545721511679,0.0,0.16403322767993955,0.0,0.10115020712910226,0.0,0.0,0.10706210828556044,0.3641809461873219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982710245988133,0.09901403955148408,0.0,0.08302722187976755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22355221199064246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732288792267085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428311441751362,0.0,0.10846002468176967,0.1949407934099636,0.06885752868577685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198510966242648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246136255143048,0.10955573748421768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101836141166518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594145129256884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354444357429024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706210828556044,0.09709783954427316,0.0,0.0,0.0973214661981343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308932206469353,0.0,0.0904508791457791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264697686714527,0.0653130325226351,0.07330520542768544,0.0,0.22617427528981615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580188665870832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22533802830254315,0.19378727756433345,0.10797336133778987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06174675774959978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766492934413615,0.0,0.0,0.07680643897203236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644372782803765,0.0,0.0,0.08058225240236387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084180814657593,0.20036203069500444,0.14493918719601506,0.0,0.16848963677740605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351934965434215,0.0,0.0,0.05620292201060898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708738321651932,0.13087830060299654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649154495884694,0.0,0.0,0.056850424267455985,0.15301199868422946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697255341197525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062068838870300215 bpd,throwaway-83716,2020/04/04,"Recently diagnosed with BPD Hi 👋 I have recently been diagnosed with BPD. Just wondering what day to day things you all do to cope to make life that bit more easier and bearable? What are your best coping strategies?",3.0584999999999987,6.0781378500000045,3.7550000000000026,82.39,83.0,9.2,25.5,9.3871,3.1006,174,7,31,6,5,55,32,40,0.0,0.825,0.175,0.825,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,7,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,5,5,4,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22964031709268984,0.0,0.2388970831093878,0.0,0.5511976055888917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28224433235085034,0.0,0.0,0.4441996959125067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15456053631336936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606546581111685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4321208937303922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537569479367388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373032572981999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,electroshockdaisy,2020/04/04,"I don't want my BPD to keep ruining my relationships I met this guy a few months ago during a party. I was trying to avoid any kind of relationship -mg BPD tends to get better when I'm single. But, of course, for me it was an instant crush, and, even though I've tried to dismiss my feelings for him, I fell in love. For 3 months after our first encounter, I managed not to see him alone and the situation was kind of manageable. But then, my impulsive ass decided to have sex with him. He told me he liked me and we started going out together immediately. It's been 6 months. I think it didn't lie when he told me that he liked me, because he's always very considerate of me (he knows about my condition, my past and the abuses I went through). The problem? He doesn't want a relationship, albeit spending a lot of time with me and doing with me things couples do. I always feel like I have to walk on eggshells and TRIGGER WARNING it makes me feel extremely suicidal when he doesn't give me the attentions I'd like to receive. He treats me well, but that's not enough. I need more. The other problem? I change opinion about him continuously and I'm not consistent with him, and this has made the communication between us even worse. Having had the chance to know him fairly well, and having talked a lot about him with a therapist, I came to a choice I can't seem able to make: should I try to be myself and express honestly my feelings for him or do I dismiss them and live in the regret of not having tried enough? He's not a bad guy, and for the first time the feelings I have persist notwithstanding the de-idealisation. Please help me to find out what to do 🙏",4.015788423153694,5.152459296407186,5.099775449101799,83.28682884231539,71.30538922155691,8.201397205588822,27.389720558882235,8.59863814320734,1.8108786427145704,1311,45,272,22,24,432,170,334,0.09300000000000001,0.795,0.11199999999999999,0.8140000000000001,0,2,0,0,1,0,37.0,3,0,1,4,11,18,0,1,20,0,23,3,1,4,0,59,53,21,1,7,9,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,11,21,0,2,13,0,1,6,10,6,2,2,12,6,48,12,41,39,7,27,0,2,1,3,36,5,1,5,20,182,59,2,0.09495677980080114,0.11250825661640897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417345592916632,0.0,0.0,0.09834658640721124,0.0,0.0,0.15802329524659306,0.0,0.0,0.06457386647127111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928494478632693,0.057884771609603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398155515294806,0.0,0.0,0.23918948007889426,0.0,0.0,0.10860525931733787,0.0,0.0,0.10045168220957046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506787074276933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19623147416294245,0.0,0.12543611499941984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400650049964068,0.06783714246295408,0.0,0.0,0.08678877645081982,0.161540376779736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04961099824936389,0.09109119574045706,0.05396612624064452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18804428217289304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636475278974643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440194888743714,0.0,0.1977657476391387,0.1043715256883826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18556434463382346,0.0,0.08384857625295987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614577170001225,0.08570220113042913,0.08985040100640153,0.1267687757370281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273807870894297,0.0,0.0,0.07040924902930605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064699090345946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423402923547924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18172162815227355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30584413476976713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566825940551344,0.08644508600341415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673539902921322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721089748287047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386730499306417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632266270499376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025214014189387,0.06308506514039841,0.06084447030963401,0.09329455403238256,0.0,0.11074012384808443,0.0,0.0,0.181470544766131,0.0,0.25787768143205875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142213143804425,0.0,0.0,0.07834928801413472,0.1120159379436864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707550977834538,0.08802588620661041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967690710016695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mystomachhurts111111,2020/04/04,I hate my lifeee Was talking to my crush/fp on the phone w his other friend earlier and they were talking about how fit this girl they know is and how my crush was upset bc he missed his chance w her :)) someone bring me the rope,0.8362499999999997,2.921635124999998,1.6748333333333356,100.1535,83.16666666666666,4.673333333333334,17.933333333333334,5.6839178017228535,-0.6471716666666665,178,4,42,1,5,55,37,48,0.18100000000000002,0.6809999999999999,0.138,-0.34,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,2,0,3,4,1,1,2,0,4,0,0,2,0,5,8,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,0,10,1,3,5,0,3,0,1,0,0,11,2,0,0,0,25,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395998038274369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4339704571904111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415684314235436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724342940760824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7065967768550396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bedshock11,2020/04/04,"Could someone help me figure out the cause of my BPD? Ok so I’ve recently been diagnosed (just turned 20, female) but honestly until I read all these symptoms I thought I was just a sensitive and anxious person lol. But personally looking back I didn’t particularly HATE my childhood, like I don’t remember being actively miserable even though it was pretty shitty. I want to try get to the root of the issue and come to terms with it. I realise this is over sharing and I should really discuss this with my therapist but hey, why not. Ok so I went to private school, I was one of the only black kids but didn’t feel the difference too much. When I was around 10 my mother and father began to argue severely to the point where they were attacking each other with knives (no blood was drawn just ripped clothes)and police being called to our house multiple times. It got to the point where my older sister and I had to hide the knives when my parents started to argue. (Strange this is at the time I remember enjoying it ? Like it was exciting for my parents to argue for some weird reason - anyone know why ?). My parents were arguing over money, my father eventually moved out to live with his secret girlfriend and my mother, sister and I were left in a house we couldn’t afford and ended up having to drop out of school and move into a tiny one bedroom flat. We then didn’t go to school for like 6 months and my friends would constantly ask me where I was- it was embarrassing and back then I lied a lot with terrible nonsense lies that were probably obvious. Eventually I had to leave the school and my friends and go to normal school where I was kind of teased for being “posh”. Then my mum met my stepdad when I was like 11/12, who was never properly introduced at a reasonable pace- one day he appeared and never left like he only left to move his stuff into our house. Him and my mother would have loud sex against my bedroom wall, and the creaking was very obvious, they would do this whilst my friends slept over/ whilst my sister was in the room which was really awkward(. I remember once they were having sex at like 5am and I banged my fist on the wall and knocked over a drink in the process and my mum came in and scolded me for knocking over the drink and I felt so like dumb. ) I liked him at first but as I got older her got meaner and i genuinely think he hated me. I can understand why because I developed a mean streak where if something displeases me or hurts my feelings I lash out as that’s the only way of expressing myself- my mother understood this but to an outsider I must of just been a brat. Anyway he had flashes of anger at me and would accuse me of things such as lying or that I was staying up too late or swearing at me- when I told my dad he would be on his side ( which was devastating because I saw my dad as my king I’ve always been a daddy’s girl). My stepdad would often buy me cheap sweets to make up for it but my mother seemed to not particularly care whether he apologised (she would use as an opportunity to shout at him but would basically reconcile with him without making sure he apologised with me and I feel like he would buy the sweets for her not for me). Eventually due to him my lovely mother turned into an alcoholic like him and we ended up being evicted from every house we lived in ( I moved around 8 times in the span of 10 years ) until the day she suddenly dropped dead in my kitchen due to her drinking. I told my dad ( who was still close to my mother and would come round often - they were better apart than together ) about her drinking and he again, did nothing. When I was homeless for the millionth time he wouldn’t let me live in his house with his wife because he didn’t want to upset her (never told him but that very same wife told me when I was 13 that I was not welcome in the house and that the house was for the new baby not me) so I ended up sharing one bedroom with my mum and stepdad and walking like 6 miles to university because we were so poor at the time. I’ve never told anyone about the evictions not even my boyfriends, only my sister knows. Feels good to say it ! There’s a lot to unpack but I’m so focused on trying to find the source in order to understand myself. I know it sounds horrible but I honestly am so disattached from my childhood like I dont actively feel effected by it so it’s hard for me. Also when I was younger I would do this thing where if I was frustrated I would stand on my own feet - as in use one foot to stomp on the other and like press all my weight down on one foot. I feel like that’s important. I also have a VERY distinct memory that crosses my head often of 5 year old telling my mother I was embarrassed about something that she had said to me or made me do and she told me “ why are you embarrassed there’s no one else here “ and the feeling of like being so misunderstood and dismissed still washes over me now. Sorry it’s really long, I just feel so numb about everything that I can’t pinpoint what is and isn’t emotionally significant. I kind of expect this to be ignored- I’ll remove it if it does lol. I might just delete it after anyway as it is quite person.",4.29425848719476,5.376121995169083,5.0913361127655365,83.81294222751639,70.59420289855072,8.221957514393491,27.124942095162467,8.561046370304387,1.8053337965720344,4095,134,824,66,73,1329,399,1035,0.139,0.731,0.13,-0.9508,7,0,7,0,0,0,74.0,7,1,4,6,57,59,11,6,42,4,87,20,6,10,11,172,145,86,1,24,32,25,13,15,4,16,5,5,5,5,44,63,7,1,29,5,5,14,23,22,0,8,63,23,146,37,132,56,10,140,0,2,4,3,106,65,1,16,70,588,190,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04430562403106488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630734182529414,0.03449608921798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046835348549703615,0.0,0.057976311207951735,0.0,0.0,0.07381220315737266,0.03875731010298642,0.047164066427882616,0.0,0.06375675377064285,0.0,0.10108880429009083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03666592592819968,0.0,0.0,0.05221446389868065,0.0,0.04233289996110397,0.047416511712484566,0.04226884124433409,0.042588430677789404,0.0,0.07142419599106074,0.0,0.044800995855139684,0.0,0.033100563266096936,0.0,0.0,0.05347351422688292,0.0,0.0,0.04207864611684722,0.0,0.04331442460126935,0.0,0.0,0.0362798723794673,0.0,0.04858806170857672,0.16245087124184665,0.0,0.0,0.034632550173539264,0.04663428068415765,0.11015752843817793,0.0,0.0,0.054764778919772314,0.0,0.034929861535348265,0.0,0.03725946619572382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769788413887735,0.08885206886908034,0.0398058492528184,0.0,0.03789154467251056,0.035263859300010525,0.0,0.0,0.09609024188329614,0.0,0.021659913104995245,0.0,0.047122680302065935,0.034772713216582755,0.09947241935895404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037137914856409736,0.08186170060887446,0.04254751352089409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02778819157553464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348559654033346,0.04438127603730593,0.0,0.0,0.04327101972248571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634353389700411,0.06835212725461938,0.0,0.04676603946208581,0.043897669556220376,0.1351315870707346,0.04239326004048035,0.0,0.3038117344427913,0.0,0.10982360402151138,0.03668871917941801,0.034813987969469315,0.0,0.0,0.07049162975466647,0.03741715133530338,0.03922823460365641,0.055346611916357966,0.0,0.0,0.04515953891614154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043980019378131376,0.0,0.0,0.03309110388081888,0.17625170081820185,0.03047614585693492,0.0,0.1278987941425738,0.040040060556595966,0.0,0.0,0.04061969861077599,0.039779737116615234,0.0,0.04350283392800903,0.044151048461344634,0.19664945490382527,0.12612165603261866,0.0,0.0,0.13810145569948368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108597673087316,0.0,0.0,0.07838176662547132,0.0,0.0,0.04217733839722044,0.04469836290904169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04409531813532232,0.041468873013796516,0.0,0.07967650417786645,0.08525074611583704,0.04093443182040901,0.0,0.1408903208311616,0.0,0.039435722645877136,0.03296879043634609,0.0,0.20978679575084605,0.0,0.037741491146306434,0.0,0.046835348549703615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03512693568534396,0.06383225494897199,0.0,0.04640844944679668,0.029343940871143094,0.044188343030399965,0.06621627204907499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04745909515469399,0.0,0.0,0.039073348248596984,0.0430903763414196,0.0,0.0,0.03623581690195225,0.0,0.0,0.04813553162365159,0.055085246311548035,0.02656439068615261,0.04073193454712635,0.032912746398289394,0.1208714571580242,0.0,0.0,0.2376873900617961,0.0,0.056294051406309435,0.09018804533880244,0.0,0.08631775975976584,0.0,0.07161220421908979,0.0,0.1026207190003174,0.048905596900902834,0.032907156037426985,0.0,0.05048425379531917,0.0,0.038431660589490914,0.1496363375793903,0.0,0.0,0.039963699020599056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35340393494309924,0.0,0.0,0.05339473984604316 bpd,IActNormalTilIDont,2020/04/04,"Ever have one of those days where you can't say anything right? So it starts today at my local gas station. I'm a regular, and I sorta noticed one of the people working there might be taking a liking to me. I'm finally thinking I may have to shoot my shot. So today out of nowhere she goes from not worried too much about the pandemic to saying that we should stay away etc. I of course say that I have been social distancing... and then say ""I've already told all the people I care about I won't see them for three months"". To which she goes "" what about me?"". I tried to shrug it off a little, explain myself, but she acted a bit surprised. I thought, maybe she was just playing. So later in the evening, I go back in to get something else. She's there, and literally told me I'm not welcome. Now, she wasn't mean, but she did make a few remarks about me not being nice and what not. And even if she was being slightly playful.... it sucked. Why? Because of course I did that thing where I got my hopes up and was like""hey this could go somewhere"". I even thought that I could respect her wishes and not go in anymore hoping maybe we could talk some other way, and go from there. BUT FUCK ALL THAT, LETS RUIN THIS SHIT BEFORE IT EVEN HAPPENS. So, ya, a little on edge. I get home. My ex (and somehow my fp, sometimes...) asks if I need any provisions. I said no. And because I didn't explain myself, she used it against me to show that, surprise suprise, im an uncaring bastard. Which is of course triggering me, because of what happened earlier today. So ya, I just want today to be over in the fuckin hopes that tomorrow I might not come off as big an asshole. Except now I can't get this shit out of my mind. Anyone else feel like this? Like some days we're just better off not leaving our homes? I'm somehow fucking things up with people I have limited contact with. It's like speed dating, only I'm speed ruining shit. Writing all this to try and get it off my chest. I might try to go to sleep... 4 hours ahead of my usual bed time... cause fuck today",2.2933306623931635,4.0415559879807725,3.3546474358974367,91.59313034188035,76.86057692307692,5.776068376068378,24.29594017094017,6.42735559955562,0.6265360042735044,1585,53,336,12,36,509,209,416,0.133,0.765,0.102,-0.9712,0,0,1,1,0,0,74.0,3,3,1,4,28,27,9,0,13,0,29,9,5,4,4,71,74,23,0,12,16,1,1,4,0,6,0,5,3,0,28,18,0,1,7,3,0,7,13,11,0,3,14,7,55,16,49,46,9,56,0,2,1,4,33,23,9,14,28,234,83,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107846694267845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04996365690537999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286474025973455,0.05137351315926077,0.07528101387559316,0.06046141050521956,0.0,0.06868664594584396,0.0,0.0690296077051523,0.05649563348519199,0.0,0.1343640249590069,0.0,0.0625194825659624,0.0,0.0,0.06498024413496989,0.0802126797897008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490986669033439,0.07547625084355472,0.0,0.06328984711488707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17598486558729634,0.0,0.0,0.09476706018612327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275329250923801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194099245496271,0.19411094165046155,0.06645986637989808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03714978272197828,0.052488597890732784,0.0,0.08048527055596927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037717639479686,0.15354489552626793,0.0,0.20877989528469607,0.0,0.0587624788866047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299425553937383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739733655485926,0.2189235993657341,0.07235537715873003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936264971053196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779651577067083,0.0,0.07513036470160499,0.0,0.17947417732220122,0.1472770146200399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049043304693996065,0.0,0.14762552289982844,0.08003283128700836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338273743732513,0.07418603895474354,0.0,0.058644857710179736,0.0,0.054010565612186034,0.05447875051791765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364865604268185,0.0,0.0,0.09957341097003584,0.05587896522615279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280924413090546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274490939086459,0.0698889451254035,0.2337123634170412,0.0,0.0,0.058547879477627074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262546600677973,0.0,0.0,0.07352532172080384,0.07489571744083552,0.0,0.05656253599584879,0.07266594474323243,0.0,0.05200404444777711,0.07831165435881766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05524199648565594,0.05905422025787956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762341091750233,0.04707805812576877,0.0,0.11665753649866745,0.04284226619809579,0.0,0.34821556239083845,0.14041178781142433,0.0,0.1496485269821799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345644348805153,0.08091931533446825,0.0,0.04333584309871442,0.05831886087608607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629728761256579,0.0,0.0844894741058969,0.0,0.0,0.05348868100936924,0.07461464740551639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LilBismygoodfriend,2020/04/04,"How to bring up Bpd when dating? (M29) I don't want to overshare and mention it right away (because that's pretty cringy) but I feel like not mentioning it is a lie of omission because it does impact my life so greatly Help",2.6163333333333334,4.565966133333337,3.4819444444444483,90.13625000000003,76.55555555555556,5.388888888888888,26.805555555555557,5.985473137389443,0.910222222222222,176,7,35,1,4,56,40,45,0.024,0.768,0.20800000000000002,0.8640000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,6,5,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,5,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29707950661226257,0.0,0.0,0.385504129491382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39824175572117626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767080037779406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598797891035141,0.22589273331455526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486106751049749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21194162259007585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22334080816944427,0.15447893105885824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216882074581573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700323432792431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18650244894020435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,breadbradfry,2020/04/04,"I didn’t get upset with my boyfriend! My boyfriend is really great, but like all of us he’s not perfect. I have to remind myself he’s human and he’s allowed to make mistakes or be in a bad mood. Not everything requires a reaction. I’ve been trying not to be visibly upset or passive aggressive when things upset me. Its been hard and usually I’ll still send one or two short texts so he knows I’m unhappy. To be fair, its a lot of progress from previous relationships when I used to start nasty fights and be highly sensitive 24/7. But he doesn’t deserve attitude, especially for things like cancelling our plans and I’ve been trying not to be so reactive. Today he took a nap and was supposed to come over after, but overslept so I heard nothing until pretty late. My first reaction was to be upset that he didn’t set an alarm, but instead of being passive aggressive I said it was fine and we talked. It turns out he had a pretty bad day, and I got to support him instead of making it about me. Its a small win, and it should be like this all the time, but I’m still happy that I stayed calm and listened before reacting. He deserves a partner he can lean on and I’m workin on it",2.614035714285716,4.492729141666668,4.108809523809523,85.96000000000002,76.33333333333334,7.238095238095237,26.011904761904763,8.11559375814309,1.6558154761904769,934,35,188,16,21,310,136,240,0.20600000000000002,0.6409999999999999,0.153,-0.9342,1,0,0,0,1,0,21.0,3,0,0,6,10,22,3,5,9,0,22,0,0,5,3,39,39,24,0,2,12,0,1,3,1,1,0,3,0,2,13,14,0,1,1,1,0,3,7,11,0,3,13,4,17,10,24,17,3,26,0,0,0,0,23,8,0,4,16,122,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25364486212661563,0.0,0.0,0.12924784024832384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084043107067012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795696759659198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650961136816192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919819363752594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935664737382636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148090758297965,0.16746008716445876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616905268721362,0.13606427685896946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16048091586270155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347518344914008,0.0,0.1713393809418058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22261844321662574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913208326669834,0.0,0.0,0.20277650902346034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574327033005147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292510259068056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30905499520059165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730510329338858,0.0,0.0,0.16307382106606866,0.0,0.0,0.14448288507764895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750905402906163,0.16189532889162053,0.2426002969603765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236382215389215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208403065119408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20181892909061352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856871730512875,0.0,0.14397467007948045,0.0,0.1687562110962764,0.20624769661076314,0.16521351855366964,0.1483751913350395,0.0,0.1827058694183796,0.13118483925418306,0.16728620123044835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Brooklynbridge123,2020/04/04,"How do I forgive someone who deeply hurt me? Unfortunately closure is not possible as the person is long gone. The whole experience has made me afraid, mistrustful and wary of others. Now I think that everyone is going to hurt, betray or abandon me the same way so now I’m even more standoffish from people. I’m also afraid of giving my heart to someone who will just break it without a care; of giving my heart and soul to someone who leaves anyway because they find better. How do you get over the feeling of knowing that for many people the bad will always outweigh the good, that who you are as a person and what you can offer is simply not enough for someone to stay? Obviously forgiving someone is easier when there is the possibility of reconciliation or at least the chance to talk to the person . That is and will not be the case here so How can I move forward for myself?",6.584615384615388,6.872465834319531,7.129994082840238,74.04481360946747,65.21301775147928,9.363550295857989,31.101183431952663,9.120678840339163,2.594703668639053,702,24,127,11,10,231,100,169,0.124,0.762,0.114,-0.7112,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,1,1,14,11,0,2,12,0,17,2,2,4,1,24,29,15,0,0,7,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,11,4,0,1,6,0,0,4,4,6,0,0,2,1,13,5,20,23,5,13,1,3,0,0,17,3,0,2,5,101,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847953880975356,0.1024670530716668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282148125726907,0.0750684505763131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089123278371044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555520632186784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272423843966078,0.0,0.08133654618891617,0.0,0.0,0.11767095422531593,0.0,0.1204600840551544,0.0,0.0,0.06226614517620526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255290112427792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433852404638472,0.23626507405085234,0.06998651575950621,0.1032887359519091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291856397080046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636599492984044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767763351089158,0.0,0.0,0.130393471785064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089800328244004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652339984515014,0.0,0.1248503694953997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088434653845504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17074738858328142,0.322578117808716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27765645452706605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5217045851735442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312568871744746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098979815827276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890676572217778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774729195584164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748773020752364,0.0,0.11870802057032805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AsukaSoryuuu,2020/04/04,"Seeing someone with BPD? Hello all!! I suffer from BPD and was officially diagnosed late last year after months of trying to get a proper diagnosis. I have been talking to this guy for about 4-5 months now. He recently shared he suffers from it too, however he does not mention it much. I don’t bring it up to him besides talking about my experiences, but I have grown large feelings for them to the point where I really want to control my symptoms and my emotions. Not just for him, but for the success of the relationship. However, I would really love if he could open up too. I know it’s hard and i’m not really sure how to bring it up or what to ask, even though I can 1000% understand how he is feeling. Any suggestions?",3.2695221445221416,5.1123978111888135,4.8183391608391615,81.74238053613054,74.38461538461539,8.403030303030304,27.301282051282055,9.075114841892004,2.3108233100233107,569,22,112,13,12,191,93,143,0.059000000000000004,0.8220000000000001,0.11900000000000001,0.898,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,2,11,6,0,0,4,0,9,3,0,3,2,25,21,10,0,4,8,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,7,5,0,1,4,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,2,4,14,4,22,17,2,17,0,2,1,1,18,6,0,2,8,77,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799662258714286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846643017019176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4000326667505307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811954028146368,0.12679730486149826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118936940574033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389761860381175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786404979688753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048928731595831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534719519860635,0.0,0.0,0.16059877568280392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297195981739221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724741665059822,0.0,0.0,0.14226306284013313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872781272407418,0.12945179769769669,0.17914522224800095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433327253911325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253522138173237,0.0,0.11674403018945738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012730566691365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30521432246704616,0.0,0.15680626305779,0.17050310183876471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655145029110096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455966707088593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496770677286737,0.16506497311349025,0.0,0.2552918153867753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560305630104031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782194158861433,0.0,0.0,0.16532738750145087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367057940716014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128144610863524,0.0,0.0,0.10226878998753436 bpd,Tlps1lo,2020/04/04,"Is humanity F.U.B.A.R? Aside from all the shit going on in the world, is there really any hope for the future of the human species? Part of me Hope's for good because of my nephew's and loved ones. The other side of me feels that global catastrophe is necessary for the survival of our species.... if we are even worth continuation. This is just my opinion so please don't fry me for expressing it. Posting a public post is already self destructive enough to me already. I'm sure I'll be beating the fuck out of myself for months/years for even voicing up. So here it is.... we live In a world where greed and power rule essentially everything. We no longer reap only what we sew. We now also reap what people in higher positions of our hierarchy sew and in my personal opinion I don't trust any of these fucking people. Nothing is sacred anymore, everything is exploited and twisted to the benefit of whomever seizes the ""oppurtunity"" or manipulation of public crisis first. I feel like the majority of people are subconsciously consumed by fear and chaos to the point where any sort of common sense is unrecognized.... and I see every day that the people sucked into this, fucking love it. Maybe not on a level that they recognize but they are consumed entirely by it. I'm not just talking about people I don't know. In all honesty the ones that scare me the most are my family, the only people in this world I'm close too. Idk, this is a rant for sure but what in the actual fuck happened to human decency? What happened to common sense, integrity, honesty, kindness and just the general good that I know exists in people but has been buried beneath this layer of selfish shit? I hope for the best, but I can't help but defer to the fact that if we as a whole continue down the path we are on, there will be no future. At least not one that we will recognize. Maybe I'm being pessimistic/paranoid schizophrenic idk, I'm pretty severely bpd so honestly I have a hard time trusting anything my mind comes up with. This I feel in my bones though. Sorry about the rant but I don't speak out often..... in fact never really but shit is fucked up and stuff and I'm just drunk enough and angry enough to say something about it. Chaos is what we've lost touch with. This is why it is given a bad name. It is feared by the dominant archetype of our world, which is Ego, which clenches because its existence is defined in terms of control. Terence McKenna",4.006853791598473,5.9765735893617045,4.851702127659576,81.74294871794872,72.68085106382979,7.7992362247681415,27.15766503000545,8.5409612609427,2.0355488270594653,1937,71,360,35,39,627,227,470,0.171,0.6859999999999999,0.14300000000000002,-0.8927,1,0,1,0,0,0,63.0,11,0,2,7,22,33,11,3,29,0,35,13,4,2,7,67,64,26,0,5,17,1,5,1,0,2,1,3,0,5,32,25,1,1,5,1,2,2,11,17,0,4,3,9,35,16,63,56,12,50,0,1,1,7,29,34,9,11,13,253,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.07665139932086272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335907557788782,0.06281471052708422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024575390154666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789838960929664,0.0,0.0,0.06463821177533108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558419809031125,0.09576411607242044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243115308247938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989283040108648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766204272867951,0.0,0.0,0.08809812545748423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050656883907028334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434828688045385,0.0,0.10376026666817753,0.0,0.06617997587280906,0.0,0.14118753785332816,0.0,0.07404794982074261,0.17677640316566687,0.11914850329782495,0.056114620514162286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668127858249628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630812425600649,0.0,0.0,0.0446405698215678,0.13176446859812102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891926013606726,0.0,0.07036347128591984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05264898763359907,0.0,0.0,0.23404730157921855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179552879552847,0.0863357202831195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0383745261151467,0.0,0.06935921629743055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574428876618308,0.0,0.14178505517943127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782380419026654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793109663942707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060580966674826216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536880843172329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967822711275362,0.11947840309688483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505969861598077,0.0,0.3811864648088952,0.06858497828559193,0.0,0.08622198375182429,0.07425313465517754,0.0,0.15045431105169993,0.07991143150346078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063956535269633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062464426130778475,0.07864012975410536,0.0,0.06259249000392927,0.0,0.08194256854334553,0.08873674560310804,0.24188480735750106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046999482312498,0.0,0.08792791982800688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991852913887258,0.0,0.0,0.14806089292653887,0.0,0.0,0.06313380986912859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717289239333891,0.0,0.04580189996077842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087724353471894,0.08769590189384703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05058225883847354 bpd,lordbnar,2020/04/04,"How did you find out your BPD? My english isn't fluent so forgive me if I make mistakes. I'm really curious about other's first experiences since I just found out my BPD. Tbh I was really scared and relieved at the same time. Everything I hated myself for have a reason and it is treatable, so I was really happy about it. But at the same time I got scared because that meant there is one more thing for me to deal with. I'm seeing therapy for almost 3-4 years and I've been with my current therapist for 6 months. It is the first time I loved a therapist and there is a good relationship between us. She is trying to understand what I feel and becomes happy when I make a progress. And I'm trying really hard to be happy and stabil. Rn I have a childhood and sexual trauma, social anxiety, and I have suffered a lot from depression. Now there is BPD too and I feel like I will become exhausting for her to deal with. I don't know what to tell my parents too. They are always trying to make me happy even though sometimes they are the ones hurt me the most. I love them so much and I don't want to be a burden for them. My dad doesn't care about my mental health as much as mom. He always says it's normal our family, he and his cousins were like me when they were young, and that we will always be lonely even when people surrounds us. But my mom is literally an angel. She makes pancakes when my mood is down, makes tea when I'm tired etc. We often fight but we continue hugging each other 1 hour later. When she saw the scars on my arm and my legs she started crying while saying where did she do wrong. I feel sorry for her for having a child like me lol. I don't want to make her sad so I really don't know what to do. Quarantine made me think about myself lmao",2.703705483323912,4.105104510928964,4.259391369888829,87.00368852459019,74.92896174863387,7.343357829282081,21.637083097795358,7.990435384864732,0.8970645562464679,1385,33,293,21,29,463,182,366,0.125,0.7559999999999999,0.11900000000000001,0.5441,2,3,0,0,1,0,30.0,6,2,5,3,27,29,2,2,15,1,34,9,2,9,0,58,64,33,0,5,5,5,4,3,0,2,3,2,0,1,12,23,1,0,12,0,0,0,6,14,0,4,12,8,60,14,34,47,9,30,1,5,2,3,41,8,0,5,25,210,72,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859250469371375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959201997729224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06004166148135566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047844405893305214,0.17336349053793473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965515346804461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800218228451966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621330950882668,0.0,0.16183147200752432,0.06759997396503087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087532762661246,0.10367867459488994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705382573888388,0.07677447864223026,0.0739897220815263,0.0,0.11905481065684252,0.056070494680868714,0.0,0.0,0.07173488522165099,0.1335204949400707,0.0,0.08605597162339186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583042768500784,0.06277251426500298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341997061608738,0.07030814084306071,0.07748878737961577,0.0,0.08342706775155348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729301130421533,0.0,0.08402100706219669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626783003338445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150330507114708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672608642960184,0.14167356224495106,0.0742654576650924,0.3143405385719903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909554159180504,0.0,0.0,0.18384397349695586,0.06264686645172317,0.0,0.11539264730115688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689972638397087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636844256678248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714954008136505,0.0,0.0,0.0544123883061611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514010681213255,0.08069679582258225,0.0,0.0842647125609107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483061423271632,0.15715658189179205,0.0,0.06254327028625076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492452357780773,0.0,0.0,0.08000670803072936,0.0,0.0,0.07762477246367976,0.08785877754928109,0.05555287461979561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860032202012842,0.0,0.08975571014221767,0.1822568526012542,0.05214268586458575,0.050290731964714966,0.07711220734988089,0.0,0.13729765066181054,0.09020824091296646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15986075592306154,0.0,0.0,0.08170681140704454,0.18881825996452925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258628569258988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858122434122561,0.0,0.05054248338778585 bpd,hancocklovedthat,2020/04/04,"Is an FP relationship only affiliated with BPD? And if I may ask, what makes an FP relationship different than another (dare I say) unhealthy relationship?",5.547564102564103,9.053793500000003,8.213076923076922,51.61525641025645,75.53846153846153,12.6974358974359,35.5897435897436,11.20814326018867,6.2675282051282055,125,7,18,6,3,45,21,26,0.141,0.8590000000000001,0.0,-0.5803,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25673388240694434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22889038264546174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30836475982567635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558034908694195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343119718580398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862102531914424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.788592818808447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947049224593073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RoseGoldTampon,2020/04/04,"Slipping back into old habits Been doing good for a while, able to utilize DBT skills almost subconsciously. Basically, I’ve been proud of myself for the improvements I’ve been making. About a year and half-ish ago I was in a much worse place. I made some very bad decisions and burned many bridges. During that time I made a (short lived, but intense) friendship with H. After maybe a month and a half I feel out with a mutual friend, which ended with H falling out with me as well. I moved away and haven’t seen anybody from my “old life” in over a year. Recently (as in a few days) H reached out to me, since then we’ve been talking a lot. We haven’t talked about that previous time, I just told them that I am doing much better and have “calmed down” a lot. It’s been going well, however I have noticed myself slipping back into old thoughts and habits. I’ve been more jealous and possessive over them, and if they mention certain things such as old acquaintances or my old environment, I get pretty sad and shameful. I realize I need to deal with a lot of my past and my therapist and I will be working on it. Today when we talked, I even noticed myself switching between feeling clingy and wanting to distance myself so I don’t overwhelm them. I don’t think I acted clingy or distant, but I got to the point where I was overthinking every word I sent them to make sure I didn’t say/do something destructive. I don’t want to slip into the person I used to be because I’ve worked very hard to get where I am, I also don’t want to cut H off because I can’t keep running from my past and I do enjoy their company. This was mostly a rant but if anybody has any advice on how to make sure I don’t slip back to being difficult, I would appreciate it.",6.219133740867747,5.526438651558074,6.564571343372599,81.0889831519308,66.16713881019831,9.471239004025646,31.89339496048904,8.6894789155246,2.33267478753541,1376,47,282,18,19,446,184,353,0.11599999999999999,0.7340000000000001,0.15,0.8523,1,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,2,0,6,5,16,19,3,2,16,0,31,1,0,7,3,63,53,29,0,7,8,0,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,9,26,0,1,6,0,0,6,9,8,2,1,17,4,47,11,46,31,9,51,0,2,1,0,17,21,0,10,24,195,56,2,0.0917336645711512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964107533339279,0.08131635874972644,0.0,0.09185801416761456,0.0,0.0,0.07335937841508945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062382037589778463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618679755217812,0.21161257702208555,0.0765937781991823,0.11183998096296474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811309716560036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591606247116689,0.09457338016116258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124879881586601,0.0,0.0,0.06058922028844984,0.0,0.07728956884170568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276659419078707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087320169247767,0.0,0.09585410714209416,0.0,0.05213435557891485,0.07694184556804501,0.07336779158728911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217534512775347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153709597812503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479420017336597,0.0,0.0,0.08100250645497058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339660435745127,0.0,0.1736012228888816,0.1836988002744684,0.09300353770716126,0.09215879590427027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322093587048295,0.09749836790843368,0.13486959694104322,0.06801934992646541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20887877024178128,0.4812952485204605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514032542733698,0.0,0.0800982975711403,0.09584215496161712,0.0,0.08671796396048141,0.0,0.0,0.0933261157165759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057592693225844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729502919866737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588303528278961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062105668823243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729157864699658,0.0,0.0,0.22119613431850832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650985493868567,0.06094377059940807,0.058779228214163225,0.0,0.07282628291972776,0.10698127502805456,0.0,0.0869527878775907,0.08765544765756626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922843298843958,0.0,0.1513797607954796,0.16232067630407873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649591624393872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356640070094022,0.0,0.09348444122421863,0.06516496334393025,0.0,0.0,0.11814694475497503 bpd,Goodbyemamabear,2020/04/04,"Please be careful who you talk to and meet IRL from here. Predators do exist. Hi I wanted to share my story in the hopes of sparing someone else what I went through. About a year ago I found myself in a very bad place. My ex of many years had left , and a parent had died. Feeling overwhelmed and alone, I reached out online for support. It was here I became acquainted with someone who, under the guise of being my ""friend"" proceeded to use and take advantage of me. For the next year this person would come and go, but not before collecting things like free vacations, gas money, cigarettes, gifts, meals, toys and even basic necessities for their child (of course because they did not work). Then when the well dried up they would pick a fight and disappear, only to return when they were broke and/or burned all bridges again. It was an online, long distance thing and during our periods of ""friendship"" we would video chat, text and talk everyday. We even vacationed together during the summer (all, of course at my expense). Yet, like clockwork when something or someone better came along they would again disappear. This happened a total of 4 times in one year. And yes, it was my fault for allowing it to happen, but they found me on a forum, much like this, and preyed on my loneliness and vulnerability. This is not speculation on my part, it was something actually said to me recently before being ghosted again (presumably for the last time). They told me they never cared, nor even liked me as a person, and needed to go no contact again. This was someone I considered my best friend and FP, so as you might imagine hearing this was devastating. This happened right before the quarantine, and I have not heard a peep since. It has now been three weeks. I was dumped and blocked everywhere the same day they received a large government check, and it will stay that way until --you guessed it--- they either are broke or have burned all bridges again. In other words, until I have a use. I wanted to share my story so what happened to me, does not happen to you. I have met many wonderful people online, but unfortunately predators do exist and we need to be careful. Particularly I have noticed a tendency for them to target the BPD community, feeling we are extra vulnerable. Sometimes they even pretend to have BPD, as my ""bestie"" did so they can better connect and take advantage of us so please, please be careful.",6.582131873252562,7.679833272522526,6.247250698974838,77.54229729729731,65.37387387387388,9.007020813917368,31.3013358185772,9.130062681391069,2.6789211867039446,1919,71,336,32,29,597,236,444,0.11699999999999999,0.735,0.149,0.9206,1,2,3,0,1,0,73.0,6,4,13,6,22,28,2,1,21,1,37,1,0,4,5,69,72,38,2,9,11,2,2,4,2,6,0,3,0,3,23,28,1,1,7,4,4,8,8,7,1,2,21,5,52,22,49,40,10,56,0,3,0,0,47,14,0,6,36,248,75,2,0.0,0.0,0.07402784494199237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724479317062942,0.0,0.0,0.07856747461522287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333944180916004,0.04624319450412552,0.0,0.19365232130619905,0.0,0.07960977454874124,0.13418297357685152,0.0,0.0,0.19108455199975216,0.0,0.0,0.08676296012109448,0.3093749122233662,0.0,0.0,0.06534616787111737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04892304615883685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873009478797556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638508415686196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337080609848897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20041770926838115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671359779773927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635186328351342,0.11721758973047962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622530599969773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356769668218328,0.0,0.33541114512993797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854990725604591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075345514471612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618355470055974,0.0,0.0,0.08242147497205679,0.0,0.0,0.14824431095291546,0.0,0.0,0.0671331939886196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381907781934304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047484999671711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05576539758266732,0.11249758812942966,0.05850745644795315,0.0,0.08067734710105619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863664453168303,0.0,0.0,0.05140430199599269,0.057694502492700875,0.0,0.0,0.0842329015834131,0.08214835261647455,0.0,0.05259136588480244,0.13247502805845887,0.07925694148771804,0.2498125683414801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490201930393561,0.0,0.0,0.0647835248309369,0.07215967408184308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275169094149742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571017402987321,0.11680056567971847,0.07502689989256861,0.0,0.0,0.08085604161291314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608436371852111,0.0,0.0,0.11407367659885648,0.12194584649459927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079524740178482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846846837464856,0.0,0.0,0.07248692069640669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124953438592134,0.13103635409790446,0.0,0.06259196096225612,0.08948769532732498,0.06021367164852345,0.06084984591956495,0.0,0.06820672328662387,0.07032243652447959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226629823702246,0.05522655667184774,0.0,0.0,0.21555340398460626,0.0,0.0,0.1954039011570179 bpd,RavenousRougeRogue,2020/04/04,"I hate feeling like my F/""friend"" hates me/is annoyed by me Throwaway account I started a new job last year, and became friends with someone who had similar interests to me. Instantly they became my FP, just like everything about them, their thought process, what they were interested in, fascinated me. They are pretty introverted and a private person, and I know I can be a little pushy/overbearing, but there's definitely no malicious intent out of it. The first time we hung out they were all ""if I don't respond to your messages/DM don't worry"" or something, and I took that to heart and I try to remember that, but like.... I like to talk to them, they ground me and bring me down to earth, and I think they get annoyed cause of that IDK, so I try to give them space and back off for a bit, but then after like a day or two and I try to like chit chat, I get crickets back.... it's like trying to get blood out of a beet to get a word out of them. Thats when all the fun thoughts start - that they hate me, that they're using me, messing with me, are afraid to cut me off/ghost me etc etc....... and yeah, it sucks. IDK what to do to break this cycle cause it hurts a lot.",3.814565899581592,4.409359690376569,4.5042442468619255,89.37469273012552,71.34309623430963,7.816004184100419,27.07139121338912,7.865858978985527,1.295771757322176,902,29,204,11,16,289,132,239,0.128,0.711,0.161,0.6608,1,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,1,1,12,1,7,21,7,1,10,1,10,2,2,4,2,38,29,19,0,1,7,0,1,7,1,0,0,0,0,1,14,17,0,0,6,1,1,2,3,10,0,2,6,1,38,11,31,22,6,26,0,1,0,0,21,10,1,4,20,134,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801921299161825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791867907259907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24073057612767426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556459396684373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613497901882212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530433524736496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05924438812028938,0.08370586952285629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966426363538186,0.0,0.0,0.18104963343857228,0.0,0.2448647803010109,0.11239960099285738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34704168544257136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884634752214564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543230614169887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627258712418916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439325857471233,0.09550872991484097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4007014807539601,0.11743455783639292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961326569770418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131629728141538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230783334180753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920344105552955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327301318093511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927728411864943,0.0902027573265833,0.0,0.0,0.16586626178387628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417635551954487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507744442075875,0.0,0.1860388907576319,0.0683224412263152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017955622502084,0.3182014272873695,0.0,0.11445751499942393,0.0,0.0,0.1011967740127644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899125126607354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545327616420427 bpd,allietenario,2020/04/04,losing myself during the virus I was finally figuring out who i was and getting somewhat on track with my mental health and then the world got slammed with this pandemic and i’m just slipping so fast back into the dark hole of depression and lack of identity is creeping back up on me.,5.227,6.7427680181818195,5.648863636363636,79.05329545454545,68.81818181818181,9.136363636363637,31.931818181818183,9.516144504307137,3.1036363636363635,231,10,41,5,4,74,43,55,0.149,0.851,0.0,-0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,12,6,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,5,0,9,3,2,11,0,2,0,0,1,6,0,1,5,33,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5239064672945861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934174874866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731859540727083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779853566191275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27246391290596883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36211494135630906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38112118155490976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433139648436062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wellfuckmylife_,2020/04/04,Im in love with someone who has BPD Hello i am in love with my girlfriend of four months and i need some guidance of how to treat her right especially when her BPD is kicking in sometimes it feels whatever i do she will end up turning it and using it at her self so she could hate herself more. What angers me the most is how amazing and wonderful she is but she is blinded by self hate. I love her so much and im afraid of hurting her. im afraid of our relationship turning toxic. She is amazing and knows when her bpd is kicking in i just don’t want us ending up badly i just don’t want to break her...,0.17651162790697586,2.3638485116279107,2.125240310077519,95.14320930232564,87.13953488372093,4.68031007751938,21.778294573643407,6.079149491110277,0.1598192248062018,474,17,107,4,15,157,71,129,0.121,0.7020000000000001,0.177,0.7439,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,2,0,0,0,8,13,3,2,1,0,13,4,0,3,0,22,27,12,0,4,3,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,0,2,23,6,16,25,4,14,0,1,1,3,24,8,0,3,5,77,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661297522499233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4824503980381343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101947357945381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226184851534293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456218011892567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25212815947873785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669114322541567,0.0,0.4137703084568984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017321455163045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34572641768761625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019182237179924,0.0,0.0938643407816227,0.09467799394452328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708762006370062,0.0,0.10904365637762073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26640993667267304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818843948513884,0.0,0.12628530961094794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777727033414712,0.0,0.0,0.15359125484701408,0.11028022330150113,0.0,0.0,0.15062572659890447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384706679642243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,givemefuelgimmefire,2020/04/04,"I just came up with an idea for trying to figure out my triggers by using mind maps and word associations, wondering if anyone else has done this and if it's beneficial? (Does not mention any harmful triggers) (is this the right flair?) Hey lovely peeps :) I hope you are all well and have what you need. This is my first post here. I was diagnosed with BPD at 18, I'm 33 now but in the last year I've also had adhd and autism added to that. I note that because I am not sure if after this long the BPD side may change into PTSD as the adhd and autism has finally revealed itself so these triggers could be more PTSD like, I'm not sure but for now my formal diagnoisis is BPD. Anyway.. Earlier today I spoke about something with someone which was a significant part of my life. Tonight I saw something associated with that and felt panic, I started crying, felt overwhelmed. Although I knew the event upset me and that there is alot of emotion tied into that, I did not really account for the fact that this everyday public thing was triggering me. This has lead me to wonder if mind mapping an event in the center and then writing every possible association with that word around it may help me identify trigger symbols more easily? Wondering if anyone has tried this? I'm awaiting therapy again, I've had therapy when I was younger but alot has changed since then and some new events have caused some difficult times to add to that, that needs new therapy lets say. It could be the autism or the BPD or just me overall but I'm just not aware of my triggers. I know the events but my panic attacks are so random. I want to figure this out. I'm currently getting help for the adhd and autism side as some of this is sensory related (I don't know all of those triggers neither haha). Thanks for reading :)",5.415323283916784,6.291000977077367,5.9484564594493605,79.44150118350571,67.88252148997135,8.820281549769529,30.073626510526967,8.964715089967882,2.395430696399651,1427,52,270,24,23,462,185,349,0.085,0.823,0.09300000000000001,-0.6099,1,0,2,0,0,0,36.0,0,2,0,2,16,15,1,4,16,1,31,3,0,10,5,88,56,31,0,11,20,0,2,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,27,22,0,0,12,1,1,2,7,7,1,1,14,5,27,8,35,35,11,42,0,1,1,1,11,15,0,19,25,190,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30445598226306875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752986914756694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574248436479368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809047389796284,0.08652289922755045,0.0,0.07517309974277335,0.0,0.09606728747274557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051476303664685134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4254172545753528,0.0,0.0,0.09658148685298933,0.0,0.08674729137684252,0.17866119717713316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484339106578996,0.0,0.09275781394611997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570892416904283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389754941258307,0.08641557237568058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054216070454815,0.09498818036438772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114774665646119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215904407286513,0.09250431941743548,0.0,0.07182805820937034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04411852616809408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320212147171545,0.0,0.0,0.08387198644692709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532704382192317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281647315665237,0.06883316408099946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863497532691122,0.05964532352592356,0.041255093041277086,0.0,0.0,0.07473031906197779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621404399546787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052881841309636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522837295720493,0.0,0.16311316216969088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19815377545837945,0.0,0.09144466748425044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519796837398016,0.08087404887130548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197421130255774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446689284264118,0.0,0.05409701503285001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211474969291898,0.0,0.06715329080710382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985298340686248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715491619807745,0.1300182967809414,0.0,0.0,0.05976992691166276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591750187384842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774472761713315,0.2897073610584911,0.0,0.05610086866672297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04923999943815217,0.0,0.08004307716683214,0.0,0.0,0.11466392168971914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293253879827842,0.0,0.0,0.04980728330210021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592533425782623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747278812479568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054379193852651136 bpd,SubitoSalad,2020/04/04,"I’m really struggling with the quarantine and problems with my FP So the quarantine has been hitting hard. I’m constantly lonely and even though I am essential personnel and still going to work, all of my routines are fucked. I have been staying up super late and not really sleeping cause my room is in the basement and doesn’t have a window. I haven’t been good about taking my medication when I’m not at work because I’ve been waking up at such radically different times of day which has been tanking my mood and caused multiple mental breakdowns. I really miss my friends and interacting with people who aren’t my coworkers in person. In regards to my FP, he’s kind of my boyfriend? We started dating in June of 2019 but have been on a weird “break” the past month or so. We still talk, we still do pretty much everything we did before except he doesn’t call me his girlfriend. One of the issues in our relationship that made him break it off is that I practically started living with him very early into our relationship due to some unforeseen circumstances revolving around my family moving, and it just kind of continued from there because he always acted like he enjoyed having me staying at his house pretty much every night and his family didn’t have problems with it. However now he has told me (7 months after the fact and 4 months after I stopped sleeping at his house very often) that he felt suffocated and the fact that I was always around ruined our relationship. But he still wants me around as a FWB pretty much. I’m really struggling balancing giving him the space he needs to hopefully be able to continue our relationship and also not going crazy from loneliness. Any suggestions?",9.581335436382757,8.321800971608834,9.253892744479497,66.35753732912725,59.788643533123036,12.743554153522608,37.22166140904311,11.729898335038438,4.437673144058885,1376,51,231,34,15,446,169,317,0.09,0.7859999999999999,0.125,0.9521,3,4,0,0,0,0,19.0,8,0,0,3,19,18,1,2,11,0,27,5,3,3,3,48,46,21,0,5,8,0,2,1,2,0,1,0,2,1,9,25,0,1,1,0,0,4,8,9,0,1,12,2,36,8,40,32,5,53,0,3,0,1,37,19,1,4,27,162,45,2,0.0848442686736874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784993100495783,0.14119445653832347,0.0,0.0,0.05769701213205124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22658816144735944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344055737489856,0.0,0.07219622356564304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663548447375705,0.0,0.0,0.1743168707146177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168651295760626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054717534303307024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864420258193742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05603883927361519,0.0,0.07148495566088385,0.0,0.07625255789388463,0.0,0.15996725111802185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146380328481821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555047151198258,0.0784371592264927,0.0,0.08139035360533133,0.09643790624839084,0.07116334715442679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600379961888848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426950274755263,0.0,0.19579778927973734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855537326229715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767044992716379,0.0,0.0,0.0957080306201396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0414506240244154,0.0,0.07491904365792605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028169846763661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547167461896601,0.08550306723811399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20316565738139453,0.09017603036727084,0.18711089934550185,0.06291095016371444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962059864187188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574926722402225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809934547781445,0.05882033300863181,0.0740827428098625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589513699189649,0.0,0.1623690133038961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174136442961128,0.0,0.0,0.3643639698975085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16981108437967032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010642011658047,0.18086540303398727,0.2710269702424661,0.07093360768606784,0.0,0.17739530256692326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379233104309506,0.06819460931613308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335906319401673,0.0,0.04947337536316192,0.0,0.0,0.08107233463896453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001081453285086,0.05004334790294268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353527616961467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AvaSavage,2020/04/04,"Self isolation is making me disassociate, I think. My BPD is pretty well managed. I had to write out these thoughts and wanted to know if anyone ever feels like this or has felt like this. Apologies for the brain ramble below. I have a therapy appointment in a fortnight. —————— I guess having to leave the house to attend film screenings, D&D and gigs forced me to have real life connections with people, which as an introvert I didn't realise I needed. I feel closer to the people I work with at the moment because I see them everyday. I'm easily annoyed by my close friends when I see their facebook/instagram posts, I snap or ignore them. Being around them humanises them but when I see them online I feel very removed. It's almost like object permanence, my feelings for these people don't exist. I haven't forgotten them I just don't have any feelings, I don't miss them. I don't love them, I don't feel connected to them. I don't feel anything, but I know it will all come back when I see them. I can just feel myself crawling into my ugly self righteous shell. Where I look out at everyone that I've ever loved & known, I see them as enemies, not real, never was, never needed. It's probably just a defense mechanism of having to go through this alone when you live alone. I know it's only going to get worse. Soon I'll work from home & not have my co workers. I'll feel more isolated & paranoid. I'll feel like I never knew these people. Months later it will be over & I'll see them & it will be like nothing happened, I'll feel love for them again. My goal is not to cut them all off, push them away, make snap decisions, burn bridges, explode, say mean things, destroy, hurt, be cruel or avoid friendship. I want to have friends after this. Just because I can't feel connection doesn't mean it doesn't exist.",4.115916666666667,5.54855275833334,4.884444444444443,83.79166666666669,71.41666666666666,7.555555555555558,26.66666666666667,8.045849151850463,1.6425833333333335,1443,48,277,20,27,466,186,360,0.16399999999999998,0.727,0.109,-0.9765,0,4,0,0,0,0,58.0,0,1,16,4,17,20,5,1,8,0,32,5,1,2,7,67,77,14,0,5,13,0,13,5,2,3,1,1,1,2,17,10,0,3,23,1,0,6,17,9,1,0,6,22,54,11,34,64,3,38,0,2,8,3,27,14,0,6,22,177,71,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117950005632684,0.14724139776781672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4621113362751069,0.0,0.04833897497536907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049702986546905435,0.0,0.058495370243258175,0.06327906802089138,0.0,0.0,0.06678495302571817,0.05465854948187862,0.0,0.08666324874743013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895267305779902,0.07935229650760557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612318338042233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859754536735435,0.0,0.06792298960539479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43130127662326656,0.101563623524888,0.06825096487441311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983732033781204,0.0,0.03713800851534906,0.0,0.0807963768756117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830609630755217,0.0,0.06285858884697718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130218847526136,0.0,0.0,0.082020403539823,0.07609597505797043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171963096859725,0.0,0.0,0.0752667851380676,0.0,0.0,0.05020812627708392,0.17363816629220075,0.0,0.06276771781995427,0.0,0.059691937608246225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19246593624470226,0.0,0.09489710021834703,0.0,0.0,0.15486076353927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056737886793494674,0.0,0.0,0.10541450010203043,0.16447110670336731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820619310030829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05406193359368909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971204053921981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807800206674608,0.07231711156724309,0.0766396510591411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181635826677668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05652816860485961,0.0,0.0,0.3398643721723094,0.0,0.14831044219747078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128976929825021,0.0,0.04722448184975811,0.045547208002412326,0.0,0.0564320757003085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05865103763514332,0.08385335921477405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391228255120304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349874980824264,0.0,0.07243979580532829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bee_tea_s,2020/04/04,"How do I bring up the possibility of having BPD to my therapist? Hey, I just really need some support right now. I am 16 (17 in less than 6 weeks) and my psychiatrist and therapist believe I’m bipolar. However as time went on, I feel as if things still went unexplained. For example, some things I experience include rapid and severe mood swings, fear of people leaving me, impulsivity w/o mania, romantic relationships often being really unstable, and just feeling super empty inside. I’m scared to bring up the possibility of BPD because I’m under 18 and I don’t know if they’ll take me as seriously (if I were an adult and presented these symptoms, they will probably be a lot more straight forward with me). My therapist also has been really vague with explaining the types of condition(s) I may or may not have and I don’t want to be misdiagnosed and have treatment meant for bipolar have no effect on me. To anyone that’s wondering, yes I’m in DBT therapy. Thanks in advance!!",3.724208937198069,6.3261106358695685,5.711884057971016,72.31814009661835,75.79347826086956,9.523671497584543,29.243961352657003,9.861636050157227,3.5489381642512083,783,35,134,25,18,270,119,184,0.1,0.79,0.11,0.4319,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,2,3,7,7,0,2,5,1,18,3,0,2,0,33,37,17,0,5,7,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,4,10,0,0,7,0,0,6,4,3,0,0,5,2,18,3,24,25,5,21,0,0,0,0,6,11,0,11,6,94,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762952224762654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094106663081632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204325049700507,0.0,0.0,0.15163394972237748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390163230272736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165233563706658,0.0,0.15144828064733995,0.13610290093788666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396573389421468,0.0,0.0,0.1425086595861052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442142339141602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979487686980937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330598051312304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034542191292045,0.0,0.0,0.1451080170828382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586604693525352,0.0,0.0,0.14449653604456816,0.0,0.11493693315909068,0.0,0.0,0.13474550028016516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204549149285118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074816985491364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152728225032201,0.0,0.13988787640792588,0.1011930006639072,0.0,0.0,0.12391002672341735,0.1539124600513632,0.4687991521758901,0.1788278214809419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847901501809235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938315554177815,0.0,0.10795792126855867,0.0,0.0,0.2495277991585509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595433092580193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yobrewolfnus,2020/04/04,"I can't get help. I made this account as a last resort, I'm struggling with untreated BPD for 6 years now, and I can't get help at all. Not from my family, my friends, or healthcare. For starters, I was diagnosed 3 years ago after a suicide attempt and breakdown. My family didn't like the fact that I was seeking medical attention for mental health (they still think only insane people go to therapy). The doctor tried to start me on treatment, she prescribes me medication and set me up for a second appointment but the next week she was moved to another city and I couldn't reach her at all. The replacement at the hospital did not know what he was doing and just told me that I just needed god .... Anyways, the medication was too expensive and because I looked ok, my family thought that I was in fact ok and made me stop the medication just after 3 months. Right now I'm struggling so hard to keep myself from falling into self harm and starvation again. I already broke down and punched myself in the face and arm multiple times, I busted my lip, and my face is swollen, not to mention the pain in my arm. I'm really heavy, so my hits really hurt, and I can't stop myself its so hard, I'm so angry and idk why and I don't know where to direct all this anger so I'm directing it to myself. I'm also extremely suicidal rn, I tried talking to a friend but they basically told me to suck it up cause that's just life. I know I won't kill myself, but I feel like shit, I'm so tired, I'm giving up, I don't wanna cut myself again, I'm scared I might hurt my fingers, they're very important to me cause I draw and drawing makes me feel ok sometimes, but lately I lost interest in everything, you might say its easy to hold yourself from literally breaking your fingers, but I get these bursts of overwhelming depression and anger to where I go blind and just wreck myself. That's how my first suicide attempt went anyways, I also did fuck up leg at some point by continuously kicking an iron bed frame. I'm not proud of these things, and I really wanna stop but I can't find support or help and I'm so so so tired. I wanna vent but no one listens, I've been called an attention whore so many times talking scares me now. Please, I can't take this anymore.",4.282885501595182,5.121239615384614,5.357490251683803,82.79412265154201,70.42857142857143,8.772066643034384,28.303792981212336,9.023248300946321,2.1409985820630983,1775,62,363,33,31,587,219,455,0.28300000000000003,0.639,0.078,-0.9988,0,0,0,0,0,4,50.0,0,2,2,5,29,30,7,5,15,3,23,24,9,6,5,73,64,42,4,5,18,0,6,2,2,3,13,2,1,1,16,21,0,5,10,0,2,5,15,20,0,3,17,10,61,10,44,42,4,51,0,6,2,2,23,19,3,5,27,228,77,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160208247148503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913711983295039,0.12919132986514315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469953417866731,0.0,0.0,0.08010700410406897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04923963433462555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173316926260503,0.0,0.08248021248435601,0.0,0.0,0.16595616246025455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957131010240201,0.08198483156033406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267654130472125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259527912570718,0.0,0.2284421841044147,0.0,0.0816844412363689,0.05770561058286376,0.0,0.0,0.07382680276618679,0.06870709568103615,0.0,0.0,0.12481298746348628,0.07467510107397253,0.12660466707460405,0.07748665226865648,0.0918124836171847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447169039398224,0.0,0.0,0.08585995024909149,0.0,0.0,0.16242515498432572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17294241978448152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179644982235188,0.08936546816401403,0.0,0.13317533135926762,0.06584233109513081,0.09111761479673564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057053706484402424,0.07892508013107602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678305792371414,0.0,0.08817535415742883,0.0,0.0,0.15286234245556612,0.05391787847448178,0.08189307882739437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254888883827505,0.08140210903997486,0.1713788257694299,0.0,0.0,0.0644737611158133,0.08585094422760713,0.0,0.059893570961303766,0.0,0.0,0.08590503127955977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05473516829127216,0.061432957569687176,0.08595019741680023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05599915086089365,0.0,0.0,0.08866659299262403,0.0763583970399873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552394237257382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898133028631669,0.0,0.06423544909610572,0.16173954888034858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426584564228712,0.0,0.08291428253687888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988844965373346,0.0,0.05717289579509225,0.0,0.06450694605788593,0.20259432043694686,0.0,0.16888694440069238,0.0,0.2650639179337992,0.09166240863941033,0.0,0.0,0.06073267843155729,0.12984762308072725,0.0,0.0,0.0923731471700824,0.0,0.053663259836960686,0.05175729964931458,0.0,0.06412625449399616,0.09420099713317713,0.18567774909483464,0.0,0.15436777270288465,0.0,0.10968172097503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664775872682611,0.0,0.0,0.06479275911897438,0.0,0.0,0.07487914918326795,0.0728867909490548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403278518823453 bpd,UnluckyLoserHere,2020/04/04,"Feeling constantly used and sick of it I really wish my FP would just... remember I exist outside of needing favors. It really fucking hurts me that I only ever hear from her when she wants something. I dont understand how she can say she loves/cares about me when it's always me initiating conversations, coming through with favors, etc. I ask one thing and shes all ""yeah I'll take care of it!!"" With 0 follow through. Even though she knows it upset me a lot that she didnt come through for me. Why is it the people who have never said they love/care about me that are asking if I'm ok?? Why are they the ones trying to support me and not her?? Why does she only remember my number when she needs something?? How many times have I told her I dont like discussing personal issues where other people are around for her to fucking get it and actually reach out and be a friend in private?? I've been distancing myself and I know shes noticed but hasn't done shit. I'm so fucking hurt over this and feel so stupid for believing her and being so emotional.",2.650119730606136,4.664210265402847,3.9524270391618894,86.5053379895236,76.67772511848341,6.906560239461213,23.427538039411324,7.85451343220497,1.1995725118483418,830,26,166,13,19,272,130,211,0.091,0.7879999999999999,0.121,-0.6843,0,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,2,0,16,15,5,1,4,2,18,5,1,3,3,37,45,19,0,6,4,0,2,1,1,1,1,3,0,1,14,14,0,0,7,0,0,3,6,8,0,2,5,5,34,7,20,37,3,15,0,2,0,3,27,5,4,2,8,118,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.10714168709755004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913561935411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773864328112372,0.2052824191476968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369860183157345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119408179018368,0.0,0.0,0.18915311330641596,0.0,0.11864673767259655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608019685366252,0.11235589368087387,0.25735209235962025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235018365389467,0.0,0.0,0.12244771110079007,0.07251694113230903,0.09931364356803084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110288202744954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482544866106186,0.3045043187158528,0.05736207374695632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374417878274778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235070382479868,0.0,0.0,0.11459489298942745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067822387944215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363909212322432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334169636160246,0.09909205932140648,0.0,0.0,0.1113124089879132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281956331482011,0.08467877994465661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499954128226246,0.0,0.0,0.14879654119982236,0.1670043572973262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223265440396375,0.09586661624150043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406718326891291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487471036032796,0.0,0.1044378534536054,0.08731143930219604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270047067270708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690473317260454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459128006155958,0.0,0.0,0.08255033071541455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294128896028565,0.0,0.10787061896428474,0.0,0.06402091648097752,0.0,0.0,0.10491148272660099,0.0,0.07454193173884346,0.0,0.0,0.1142979123925907,0.0,0.09482550829463328,0.0,0.0,0.06475848823746062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972120867883552,0.0,0.12625600943340753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779934745521342,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Elmosy,2020/04/05,"Trying to figure out if I have BPD I know the best thing to do is to see a therapist but I'm too nervous to go and I know I'd lie about stuff, I just can't help it. I was diagnosed with GAD two years ago, my mood swings are terrible, my mood just changes really quick from hyperactive or really happy to very depressed and maybe suicidal. I don't really ever get enough sleep cuz it's hard for me to relax even if I'm really tired, usually about 4 hours or something. If I have a big thing coming I might not sleep until I'm done with it, I could stay awake for days really tired but can't stop thinking. When in conflict or an argument I can look really calm and collected while I'm so angry on the inside and if the person I'm arguing with pushed I lose it and turn into a completely different person. While I can handle an argument sometimes and give impressive speeches I could also get very angry bc of something that's really silly. I am distant most of the time even from my family cuz I just fear I'd snap at someone at anytime. I hate hurting people's feelings but when I'm angry I do it and maybe hurt them physically but it never got really serious. I never believe or trust people's feelings or nice words to me, I just believe that at some point they'll know how bad of a person I am. I just believe that people don't necessarily care in general cuz why'd they? I mostly make a good first impression but then I worry about how can I keep their impression of me good and I always fear that I'll mess it up so I back off. I can appear confident, witty most of the time but I'm really insecure on the inside. I'm either really comfortable with who I am or just empty and full of self-hatred. My goals are continuously changing and I just feel so dark inside and like idek who I am anymore. I always wanted to see a therapist but I also always decide against it cuz idk if it can help especially that I don't think I can be completely honest. I just want to know if this means anything cuz maybe this will be my starting point.",2.8292287271203023,4.365447413301665,4.991136649434122,81.33294501886267,74.86698337292162,8.46838060639933,24.02130781053514,9.088552180705676,1.8889161101019976,1615,49,324,37,34,562,196,421,0.24100000000000002,0.634,0.125,-0.9962,1,0,2,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,4,4,27,32,2,4,14,0,31,5,2,8,3,85,67,48,1,10,29,0,4,1,0,3,3,1,0,3,21,18,0,3,12,1,0,4,8,14,0,2,3,8,47,16,39,57,8,42,0,4,3,0,13,15,0,18,23,225,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396865606553669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541837138722595,0.18013762852647885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156687650829781,0.0,0.0,0.05938447435234585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055489335589206684,0.060253571725504475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439109153114621,0.07573122092354972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088749782673243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357557523117621,0.0,0.15267898982016398,0.06216253096565521,0.15132427303370174,0.0,0.0,0.1152334869414228,0.0,0.0,0.04653953660727301,0.0,0.062154382307828576,0.0732445106573895,0.0,0.07539557773595194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384839295557377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456426459741558,0.0,0.09532672277763356,0.06527608597812445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802939710426666,0.1624081714447727,0.10946421696818114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138230092165878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540498008664649,0.0692258777615511,0.04101222327834763,0.1210547676227932,0.057715804033724775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681946857935244,0.06464438976815008,0.07124659127611667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967394477641681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106658616186233,0.0,0.15450520136395302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414230210750653,0.0,0.0,0.15863685662173335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03525547813403572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060599229019279124,0.08073258286985034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048169747371399264,0.0,0.21749403475229104,0.07860728979352334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655415027157958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131399718315024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008741217027546,0.18903135337871446,0.0,0.0,0.1364358093889762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4622983467032816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501005412115653,0.0,0.07528234810921516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443138343919776,0.0,0.06114396380582466,0.11111009287020017,0.07137162192934512,0.0,0.05107775055067017,0.07691677039786407,0.0,0.060331980847173824,0.0,0.0,0.08261002959066918,0.07893523957418115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757494759775896,0.09588454674438106,0.09247901138815187,0.0,0.0,0.08415832303540316,0.16588282995261538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04899433119505986,0.07849324844772343,0.07049332802119583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947798382365354,0.1190850156413555,0.0851278936938041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328561438009618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04647097699914155 bpd,excitedraven,2020/04/05,"Fiance with BPD currently destroying our relationship My fiance with BPD is currently destroying our relationship because of a discussion being turned into a doomsday scenario and I am the devil walking on earth because I said I needed time to think about a life changing decision. Screaming at the top of his lungs at me and saying we should break up because my answer wasn't instantly ""yes"" to what he wanted. The same man who cried with happiness two days ago because we signed the lease on a house we were going to start our family in. He's currently locked himself into our bedroom and I fully expect him to come to me with apologies later today for how he acted. I just don't know if I can take this anymore, especially since he never takes his BPD seriously. I'm not sure why I'm posting here, I just need to vent about this situation. I love him, but I can't deal with being screamed at.",6.831511627906978,7.023964709302327,7.51451162790698,71.8223488372093,64.69767441860465,10.368372093023256,34.06046511627907,10.125756701596842,3.4986888372093023,718,29,125,15,10,239,111,172,0.115,0.847,0.038,-0.8683,3,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,7,0,0,1,6,9,2,0,8,1,10,3,1,1,2,33,25,6,0,6,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,1,4,14,0,0,4,0,0,4,5,6,0,1,3,4,25,3,25,19,1,26,1,0,0,1,26,10,0,1,10,85,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264956864139745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721792941471336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373767746828894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5227863029633194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636865453967324,0.11918661540714608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198416488695304,0.08923204645419762,0.14264515111191586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043538387338222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863431567110905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728892654655953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965117627369754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604013915560902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772917557937792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487711101123045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518734621223603,0.10671330756328408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251255345314386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970980244459345,0.0,0.0,0.13161395079295832,0.11003101936680884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144544798578478,0.1555246901198499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979333388807539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040455172804108,0.0,0.2080620159346244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886567856257537,0.0,0.0,0.08067999746079221,0.0,0.13115100195493334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504981291698886,0.1351595735423657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160949504862959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485018816481187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nbohwell,2020/04/05,"Harmful self serving beliefs in giving BPD credit for any “positive” traits Sometimes I see people make posts saying that BPD gives them positive traits such as loyalty and a huge amount of love. This type of thinking can be very potentially detrimental. Here are some reasons why: 1. Loyalty and love for others are less about how you internally feel on your heart or think in your head, and more about how you treat others. To focus on your internal thoughts and feelings as the definition of loyalty or love, may help you feel better in the short term, but it’s an ego self serving way of telling yourself you are loyal good or loving because of how you feel or think, rather than because of how you treat others and what you do. This focus could lead to minimizing abusiveness or mistreatment of others, because rather than admitting that to do as such is not loyal nor good nor loving, instead you can keep believing yourself to possess qualities which you may in fact not embody well at all, because you can give yourself character points for feelings and thoughts. Conversely, those who give themselves bonus points for their feelings and thoughts, also tend to go the opposite way at times and demonize themselves for their “bad” feelings and thoughts. But feelings and thoughts do not make you bad or evil, and it’s crucial to learn not to vilify yourself to yourself over your internal thoughts and feelings. But to do this successfully, means also not to congratulate yourself as good and loyal and loving just over your feelings and thoughts as well. In other words, to get out of the pattern of demonizing yourself for “bad” thoughts and feelings, it is crucial to let go of giving yourself character bonus points for being “loyal, good, and loving” over just internal thoughts and feelings. 2. Giving BPD credit for any positive traits of yours is not fair to you as a person. You are more than a disorder - why do you give credit for your good traits over to your disorder? You are more than a disorder; own your own good traits. 3. Recovery and treatment is about change. If you give credit for your positive traits and behaviors to BPD, then, down the line, as you start to progress and change, you may become unnecessarily afraid that you will “lose” your positive traits as you manage or improve upon BPD symptoms. This won’t happen; you will still retain your positive traits even through change and progress, because those positive traits are *yours* and *not the disorder’s.* But the fear could be there with this line of thinking. 4. Harkening back to #1 a bit, if you fall into the habit of considering yourself to be loyal, loving, or compassionate based on your internal thoughts and feelings, even though other people don’t experience your internal thoughts and feelings, but rather your words and behaviors, this could lead you prone to be dismissive of others criticisms or efforts to have frank discussions with you about certain problematic things in a relationship. Here you judge your self based on what is internal, but everybody else judges you by what is externally experiential to them - your words and actions. No amount of how you feel compensates for rageful lashings or abusive tactics, and it’s unfair (and narcissistically entitled) to perceive that it should compensate in the eyes of others. If you behave in an unloving or disloyal way, then you are not acting as a loving or loyal person, regardless of your thoughts and feelings. The way you treat others should be the measure you focus most on. To focus on your thoughts and feelings as making you this person or that person is an emotionally convenient, self protective way of combatting shame you may feel for your behavior at times. But for the aforementioned reasons, that mentality can backfire. I wrote this to try to encourage people not to trip into the pitfalls that such a mentality as described above can cause.",10.293402872777019,9.709141110465119,8.869787961696307,67.51187414500687,57.95348837209302,12.105745554035568,41.31087551299589,11.267331181571699,4.791756874145007,3156,145,503,69,34,966,246,688,0.1,0.6779999999999999,0.222,0.9987,0,0,0,0,0,0,72.0,0,54,4,10,30,48,2,3,24,0,45,13,3,13,3,147,111,77,0,12,37,0,18,0,0,9,1,1,0,8,37,36,0,3,42,0,6,8,14,11,2,0,14,21,60,37,106,78,13,53,3,1,2,9,94,31,0,22,8,375,97,10,0.0,0.10036242651976343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773913334427385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057602793996851975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032566734892244736,0.106088606532732,0.12908955111377085,0.04677540614249737,0.0,0.0477171696262433,0.0,0.03745766271532434,0.04623835359581199,0.0,0.26670972136476623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04350805363616071,0.134411129606033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144593677546808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416018639464905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03538037975400658,0.0476412667243042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05594732890349398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041429223750925885,0.0,0.047658742059302435,0.38546781247278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02212762119028211,0.3250297787572564,0.04814021248101921,0.2131414162425454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037452494039542865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04346625294455248,0.0,0.0,0.05018834277183504,0.02838822915705109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037645167777423376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043308668628986115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0473820166626757,0.0,0.0,0.3440259857360633,0.0,0.08481258835486391,0.0,0.0,0.0461346804772605,0.0,0.0,0.08536344233811821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808642076736581,0.14792353416955226,0.0,0.0,0.12011142646598627,0.0,0.040562332266728986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709158744524749,0.0,0.04547112129880576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03368069402406875,0.0,0.0,0.03374974580912955,0.0,0.17673307830453647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04188806129181,0.0,0.02997757214810552,0.0,0.033823048537454374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044020837941853616,0.0,0.0,0.03701826623403701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028137358115121282,0.10855200967879823,0.04161146970614196,0.4371047175645298,0.04939258627207239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028754811682457963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034945544876781684,0.0,0.16808864368845516,0.0,0.0,0.07616061464980281,0.0,0.07643373678849877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,metsalehti,2020/04/05,"I want to restart myself. I feel like in my entire life all I've accomplished is hurting other people and burdening my family. I know I've abused other people, I know I've made other people's lives horrible and disappointed people and broken their hearts and I'm tired of being that person. It doesn't matter if I've changed as a person, it doesn't matter even if I became a literal saint, because I still have the memories of these things and I still did them, I still have memories of my own trauma and it still happened and it doesn't get any better no matter how much time passes. I just want to completely restart as a new person with a new life. I often delete all of my social media and start over and the feeling of starting a new account with no post history, no history at all, feels amazing and I just want my life to be that. I just needed to say this. I can't kill myself because my mom would cry.",4.067114345114348,5.067400227027028,5.39567567567568,81.72482328482332,71.05405405405406,8.07068607068607,25.582120582120577,8.384062270229773,1.6526008316008314,722,21,140,11,13,242,96,185,0.205,0.698,0.096,-0.9571,0,0,0,0,1,1,14.0,0,0,2,2,10,8,1,0,7,0,11,5,1,2,3,36,26,15,1,7,5,1,3,1,0,1,4,1,0,3,12,12,0,0,5,0,1,1,7,5,0,0,2,4,23,3,16,21,5,15,1,2,0,0,8,3,0,3,11,99,35,1,0.0,0.14153314677683906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123263835103706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563578039073233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564712430426054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636621622020575,0.0,0.12524497200345489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121432251019574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788980676140887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261035344723852,0.0,0.18119819794550215,0.08533777457653997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240964803954351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563254635963744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155325514401845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787769755158016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215786298901544,0.0,0.13129730127221642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253121124282906,0.05835906273783741,0.0,0.1054798394956938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303001553880775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399027746842017,0.0,0.0,0.08781224224276582,0.0885734334262041,0.0,0.3461074947123679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33125672629577696,0.3129071904600462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440366131816004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949944072927655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176804312851927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16909994172034498,0.0,0.3815836391439983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935975591892916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696544354789618,0.1372944999289183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113707295329756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485650845979159,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,first-sign-of-spring,2020/04/05,"I think I need to be hospitalized, but I'm worried about the pandemic. I have spiralled down very hard over the past few weeks. In January I found out that boyfriend of 10 years had been cheating on me for 2+ months. I feel like the only thing that was making me hold on to this stupid world doesn't matter anymore. I haven't seen my therapist in almost a month. I just stopped going in and haven't returned her calls or letters. I'm getting nearly or completely blackout drunk multiple times a week. I'm binge eating to the point of being sick every single night. I'm abusing medication. I feel so empty and broken and sad and tired and I wish I could just blip out of existence. I think, at this point, I could probably use in-patient care, but every time I think about it I get terrified by the possibility of catching COVID-19. So I'm just riding all of this out and trying to convince myself that I can get through this like I've gotten through other times when I've felt bad, but I genuinely feel like I'm giving up. I just feel done.",4.6489268626110745,5.455344354066988,5.36324333561176,83.20020334928229,69.57416267942584,8.268079289131922,28.80416951469583,8.418075326091056,1.9345021189336973,826,29,166,12,14,268,125,209,0.239,0.6609999999999999,0.099,-0.9881,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,9,9,2,0,7,0,13,5,0,2,1,38,40,14,0,4,9,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,10,9,2,2,9,1,0,3,3,4,0,0,8,7,22,5,28,28,3,32,0,1,1,0,4,16,0,3,16,101,32,0,0.0,0.15246631375375055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885574696933533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761728477292664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744352131377592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139800798283638,0.0,0.1311991747400103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349199083919706,0.0,0.0,0.205483115036826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168566037308818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167310850049188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21683911232531444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602605531280775,0.18385991140504712,0.12355424038256728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109241775559578,0.0,0.0,0.20169202471548472,0.1234428409758441,0.07313255562686044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527318084166438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886015687291564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858957756389305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296328848636062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20542439265383686,0.0,0.0,0.09541556305746242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207586951177258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786793712106462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228408738306281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432908684787848,0.14506884565902534,0.0,0.0,0.1387402198228428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758333961655896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494089224776488,0.08549014644911823,0.247361368295963,0.0,0.0,0.22510532527381735,0.14790023948123115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873661646481678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113933831953668,0.0,0.10617555980334872,0.0,0.0,0.20644077466603927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797715930712546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306821196677383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286654657462886 bpd,irishsprings3,2020/04/05,"26m I believe I'm better than everyone, it's destroying relationships Im a 26yr m and I believe I'm a narcissist/egocentric. Its destroyed all my friendships and relationships. Im not sure if I can change. I've tried accepting help but I believe I'm smarter than my therapist and any help she provides is useless. My ego is so massive I can't see outside my head, I need help can someone pm me. I need someone to relate with maybe share some information.",0.7117582417582433,3.2313245164835216,3.1537912087912083,84.0287087912088,95.04395604395604,6.556043956043958,29.57692307692308,7.7094869923839395,2.6391626373626376,365,21,69,9,14,125,58,91,0.107,0.6559999999999999,0.237,0.8938,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,1,7,2,0,2,0,5,1,1,0,2,14,11,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,13,4,4,11,2,0,0,1,1,0,8,0,0,2,0,35,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961453641695254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5448168463490431,0.0,0.142559207597716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051734981060607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402368423084234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654271550286086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241262129317995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34822511383886434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193673820372892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23904026856582386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34611486948358816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844733681702666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731510518209596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191940264695486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715368756813247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094372384958152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,speacies,2020/04/05,"I am destroying my relationship and I can’t seem to stop myself This woman is literally amazing. Yes, we had hiccups and I will say for the first 6-7 months she put me through some crap that even she admits now she shouldn’t have. But since then she’s been amazing. She’s dealt with all my crazy outbursts but I can’t seem to let go of the past. We recently had a situation occur in January that she couldn’t have foreseen or controlled but because she didn’t react the way I wanted her to now I keep blowing up and creating issues. She’s at the point that she’s given me her location on the phone but it’s still not enough. I keep creating narratives that just circumvent everything she’s doing to calm me down. And right now she’s going through some crazy work stuff and needs me and I am too selfish to think of anything but how it makes me feel. How do I stop?",2.036698612029081,4.133092511235954,3.4092597488433576,89.26915069398547,78.94382022471909,6.884864507600793,23.95373430270985,7.928766900206844,1.2468059484467948,689,24,146,12,17,225,106,178,0.1,0.805,0.096,-0.1655,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,0,3,9,6,2,0,6,1,17,2,1,5,1,38,30,15,0,4,8,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,8,9,0,5,5,0,0,3,6,3,0,1,5,2,32,3,16,21,4,22,0,0,0,0,20,7,1,5,11,107,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536444999153073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768164588291786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981232958133838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18252234157896716,0.0,0.1166728911655209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587578633598605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931742887835947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025483529162673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20078376864680805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843723310596604,0.0,0.3140218236748597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18063230829801927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791244949527505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099699981587288,0.0,0.0,0.13098062944759215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686284130245935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669873869161763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17757782841257894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17441642613773828,0.18965149151699515,0.0,0.15085455610705722,0.0,0.14047583773043984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32162342116916104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461232389971198,0.1985572910082784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106957162167927,0.2953676127774817,0.0,0.0,0.20221718969812408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318750206019265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419027515773996,0.14021322136791697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286002531321719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,A_Nerds_Life,2020/04/05,"I'm having a good day! I am really having a good day today! I haven't had a good day in a long while. This feels really nice for a change! I've gotten a lot done outside, played with my dogs, painted some ceramics, I feel good!",-0.621360544217687,1.4557346530612243,2.2847959183673474,93.22746598639458,90.22448979591834,5.715646258503401,14.289115646258502,7.1686216300943375,-0.20014557823129264,174,3,40,3,6,61,33,49,0.0,0.629,0.371,0.9536,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,10,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,4,6,3,7,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,6,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22434628586289532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4103107649292177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21702544267604965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21446208187629545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7115107988115024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18767891168088133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18029782247603252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717202076476954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20102145687081827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wtfis09,2020/04/05,"Looking for words. DAE look for the perfect song/ story/ movie/book/piece of art to describe how you feel ? Like if you could just have it all written it would make you less miserable somehow. Because it’s so difficult to break it down for people everyday. It is so difficult to just tell them that being inside your body is like being in a battlefield not knowing which side you’re on but wanting to win and your only armour is a bunch of pills and the hope that the person sitting behind you on a chair while you free associate on the couch might know something about this battlefield that you don’t.",9.822068965517241,7.4570536206896625,8.61489655172414,74.61975862068967,60.206896551724135,11.693793103448277,37.8551724137931,9.888512548439397,3.5354193103448264,484,17,90,7,5,149,81,116,0.08900000000000001,0.759,0.151,0.8737,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,8,1,2,7,9,0,1,7,0,10,2,1,2,2,21,19,8,0,5,5,0,1,2,0,2,1,1,1,1,10,2,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,4,9,7,16,13,3,10,0,1,2,0,11,6,0,4,4,67,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964361643635872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908969304320295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20909510852323707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241771371550465,0.18709181102992933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601124455498645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878520092685219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558890899560169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4398375057296245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748113126053301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778202549242842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19917653019428785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155916634238095,0.22866924304800906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20161306876473664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289003968492065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446747853172949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18603669856869406,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,eternalnights1,2020/04/05,today marks a year that i last attempted suicide i don’t really have anyone in rl that i can talk to about it and i felt proud of myself for once and wanted to share,1.7091666666666685,3.1297138055555562,3.84,88.90500000000002,77.6111111111111,7.022222222222222,17.555555555555557,7.793537801064563,0.2927888888888881,131,2,29,2,3,45,30,36,0.122,0.7340000000000001,0.14400000000000002,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,5,2,6,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619824726687981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597481314921769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054112991897888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.399018171588556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24002731625165705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40983520377659627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011507232671751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551494474364684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22099386691723072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24127933773156304 bpd,freud1an_slip,2020/04/05,Weighted blankets Has anyone used a weighted blanket to calm them down or anything before? I have CPTSD too so I can have pretty horrible meltdowns where I dissociate and wanna know if anyone else has found this to help?,4.64725,7.552801225000002,4.830000000000002,78.24500000000002,74.25,6.0,30.0,7.1686216300943375,2.15125,179,8,27,2,4,56,33,40,0.079,0.722,0.19899999999999998,0.6512,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,1,0,7,8,4,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,4,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638711589691109,0.2666022633332787,0.2141197103382795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214082236200449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21736095151864746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852922466696111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17440436039433044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429972992068714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647135818934967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22472640292746773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6336989558478159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yanderegays,2020/04/05,"getting lead on roughly a month ago (before quarantine) i found out my, now ex, fp was leading me on. he explicitly told me he liked me, and didn't give me a clear rejection until i confronted him about his boyfriend. i've split on him hard, and i can't fucking stand him anymore, so the fact that it's not me he's dating is less of a problem than the fact that he and his boyfriend are happy together now whilst he treated my like this for months. i feel so unbelievably worthless because of this, and i have no idea of how to move past it. has anyone else dealt with this? any wise words? ~~sorry if this post is weirdly done i've never posted here before~~",3.5996240601503766,4.919270203007522,4.4135413533834615,87.1084323308271,72.53383458646617,7.4252631578947375,28.33759398496241,7.908726449838941,1.6622186466165418,519,20,108,7,10,167,92,133,0.141,0.772,0.087,-0.6638,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,7,11,2,0,5,0,9,1,0,3,5,21,15,9,0,2,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,3,0,0,3,5,6,0,0,5,3,17,5,13,10,1,20,0,2,0,1,13,4,1,1,12,67,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637005317797193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763118111454544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18613154914913974,0.1312326312490963,0.19230387268566496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441008836548774,0.0,0.3194095827563335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19206533041024426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567854384470237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948983909631376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057852142582015,0.0,0.17351032411235914,0.09805685564229026,0.18004306597721262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997925211928272,0.1681275053264548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118717687721074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18338530563984706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996142764337466,0.19947780376659024,0.0,0.0,0.14475304602178954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916508869164896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594977268808305,0.0,0.0,0.1795877132853088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21009625504626725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17933957831304512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,littleM99,2020/04/05,"Crave for pain. Am I the only one who instead of self-harm more I use my SO to inflict pain on me to get that same amount of satisfaction? I have too many scares that it's effecting my job choices and not to mention to endless amount of ""omg are you okay."" I am a sub and part of that is thinking that when I'm emotionally hurt I go to self-harm to direct that pain to something else so I don't have a break down and my life choice helps it a lot. I get worried having to explain that to someone and just thinking they abuse me when in fact it is 100% consent and I beg for it sometimes.",2.6530952380952364,3.4119451031746024,3.917619047619048,91.91071428571428,74.15873015873015,6.552380952380951,26.698412698412696,6.42735559955562,0.7965936507936511,457,16,107,3,9,150,77,126,0.171,0.772,0.057,-0.9403,1,0,1,0,1,0,10.0,0,1,1,1,7,6,0,1,4,1,9,4,0,2,1,15,17,9,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,11,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,0,0,15,1,18,17,6,7,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,2,75,26,1,0.0,0.20601698448105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525274845321687,0.19558933452980604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18168814563140148,0.0,0.09881886829094934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165467509803782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18613998368520324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254707448241616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228151659658921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782484849520233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17628498983486632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782422549008975,0.13224204604059148,0.5550553195048608,0.0,0.0,0.18829291803393128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408220046509207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627853282640989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473262560068116,0.13385977100797927,0.17196977738270874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228279892074941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017475515798592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17658153828669498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kuraaku1,2020/04/05,"Let go So my inability to let go of women who were in my life keep building up. Theres a girl who i had a very short friendship/more than friendship thing with over a year ago now. And theres my ex gf, we seemed to end in a way that it might have ended up being friends. Buuut to be fair, i ended things due to not being able to get over another ex, my very bad mental health and her inability to ever see my point of view on things anong other reasons. Anyway, she ended up trying to hurt me back and it worked, so I havent talked to her in weeks because the pain feels so fresh. Long story short, im now constantly thinking about the first girl who got over me pretty fast, my first ex annnd the pain from the recent ex feels like a brand new wound everytime it creeps into my mind. Anyone any tips on healing or trying to let go of the past?",4.1249460708782735,4.218867627118648,5.01878787878788,87.74001540832049,70.46892655367232,7.792295839753468,23.43554185927067,7.348242739294969,0.7081683615819201,658,13,147,6,11,215,109,177,0.105,0.807,0.08800000000000001,-0.6318,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,3,11,6,0,0,10,0,11,6,0,1,1,17,22,7,0,0,2,4,2,1,2,1,6,0,0,3,11,6,0,1,5,0,0,3,2,4,0,2,3,4,16,2,28,12,0,39,0,1,2,0,17,15,0,3,21,93,27,1,0.11883380667966885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053389995999189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081106352704097,0.12460760761411005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309136065405308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137586216353737,0.09922126488610243,0.0724399855764097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841712853747686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4210059239027199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749198150558698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017188642724408,0.08489489523607271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20215995051089608,0.0,0.0,0.09181070426070932,0.0,0.06208575930563054,0.0,0.2026079725866162,0.0,0.09504225087656644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631477958116605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272140478298345,0.0,0.12836090319765042,0.0,0.0,0.1056249474604906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36454685570007217,0.08393583199102883,0.0580561954162571,0.0,0.0,0.10516417942969017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975652712348585,0.12606388973637714,0.11998826903612375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477043099154365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528950974270034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134403148012452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233635779307033,0.0,0.0,0.1208967029178916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221809450092537,0.11733404787891533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469515845887977,0.1081818345155213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955141124645244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23684370250322576,0.07614390502152325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16136070855911624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961006715874927,0.0,0.09432474448391688,0.09532131177370948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865124265666057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652507538231243 bpd,flkdbfnr,2020/04/05,Found a great support book for BPD Called The dialectical behaviour therapy skills workbook - really helping so far control my emotions and identify what destructive behaviours I do so quickly without realising.,20.622187500000006,15.797519343750004,17.90875,23.661250000000024,43.0625,22.8,75.75,19.287186520377343,13.2500875,177,14,17,8,1,57,31,32,0.102,0.662,0.237,0.6478,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,12,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642697952661984,0.0,0.2953318994479889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243913503279021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253401185956402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171211829856066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188724874370272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19386197042413136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18528546624371373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282100328801809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307549312740117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788033692840698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lovecrafts-cat,2020/04/05,"What do you guys do to cheer yourselves up while in a very low place ? I have been having the most difficult time lately, I genuinely just feel absolutely horrible all the time. It usually doesn't last this long or is this bad. Just need some ways to keep my head high until therapy opens up again(:",4.9848275862068965,6.083604896551733,5.323620689655171,82.72094827586207,69.0,9.937931034482759,26.568965517241374,10.125756701596842,2.410262068965517,236,7,48,6,4,75,50,58,0.2,0.7490000000000001,0.05,-0.8691,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,7,1,1,0,1,10,10,3,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,4,1,6,9,3,17,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,3,9,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21968010451750888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330328362609941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605134409375607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27001969302606504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27798287790418824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338581303555526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21446414810561956,0.2967917646561429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328379703194881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19508762007014369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27488674816900605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008813325130251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30683507501697155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28977090142907885,0.21708761765809767,0.0,0.2088389998918118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pinkripebananas,2020/04/05,"I feel like unwavering loyalty is always overlooked as one of the really great personality traits that comes with this disorder. Everyone, especially on some less empathetic (ahem) bpd subreddits seems to paint us as narcissistic. I know this might not extend to all pwBPD, but most often when I split, it's because I feel that the people I love never seem to be able to love me with the same intensity. I've never cheated, despite most of my exes cheating on me. I'm always available for my friends when they need me and I'm way more emotionally invested in all of my relationships (much to my downfall). I've never ghosted anyone because I know how shit it feels and I've helped people that bullied me. Yet somehow, I'm the monster. The only time I've ever split and gone batshit crazy was when I've found out that the people I so passionately care about and I'm loyal to, don't seem to have the same feelings towards me. Yeah I'm not the best partner, and this disorder seriously sucks, but sometimes, I wish I was just surrounded by people who care about me as much as I care about them.",6.128086037185563,6.648085009478677,7.013933649289104,73.684939846883,66.20379146919431,9.904629967189207,32.81844695588771,9.851270322608157,3.1612964637258463,871,35,160,18,13,291,120,211,0.14300000000000002,0.631,0.226,0.9762,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,2,1,13,16,4,0,8,1,7,4,1,1,6,41,32,16,1,2,5,0,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,10,9,0,0,10,0,1,2,6,5,0,1,4,4,23,11,26,26,12,18,0,0,0,3,11,6,2,9,10,109,33,0,0.11702176520450198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19474296613660533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182433912255356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267076382381774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228071229129462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738481673397644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35793446615341795,0.0,0.0,0.10080388890845336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682341624292817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316337351560755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585288624996628,0.0,0.11181931151047776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366788823920931,0.08360037244415051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830832543400966,0.09041072551195864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901690926108592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843722250363444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286242035456905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717092348124093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112334238636317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414160008576497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17204892424437151,0.08677015612173537,0.27076319846610736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792969766496581,0.08900032564072156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32451263031377503,0.10217889163667022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749671393035566,0.0,0.0,0.1256375816565612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319596660036143,0.0,0.0,0.12012116033446882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157375180260408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823633235485244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076277503109874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288643030451747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456925478496112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,0ddities,2020/04/05,"I haven’t been able to have a truly okay moment since my job shut down and I’m so exhausted. Title says most of it, I’m fucking exhausted! Absolutely emotionally drained. I’m sure like a lot of you, my workplace has been shut down for a few weeks now. My paycheck before the shut down was so pathetic due to my hours being cut in half from business slowing down, which stressed me out, but having zero income has completely shot my nerves. I’ve even been randomly vomiting from anxiety, it reminds me of when my senior year being in an abusive relationship. I legitimately don’t know what to do. I’ve filed for unemployment, but nothing has come through yet. I’ve tried asking family members, but the only one who could help was my stepmom who sent $50, but that $50 was immediately withdrawn as late payment to Dave (a finance app, which no longer will let me borrow because I have no paycheck coming in). I’ve applied to a couple mutual aid funds today, but groceries, meds, pet food, and utilities aren’t exactly good at waiting. (Meds and dog food completely gone, groceries are pushing it. Utilizes can shove it). I’m just shit out of luck with less than a dollar in my bank account. I tried making a post in r/MutualAid, but for now it’s a waiting game. BPD isn’t easy to deal with in normal life, but WHEW. How is everyone else holding up and dealing with their current situation? Any ideas?",5.381,6.3340997666666645,6.255555555555558,76.93000000000002,68.0,9.111111111111112,32.77777777777778,9.2995712137729,2.9731111111111117,1107,48,204,21,18,366,169,270,0.132,0.79,0.078,-0.9331,6,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,1,1,0,10,11,3,1,11,1,25,8,1,2,2,34,39,16,0,2,8,0,0,1,0,1,4,1,1,0,11,11,2,3,2,1,6,5,6,6,0,3,8,1,17,5,35,26,4,37,0,0,0,1,12,17,2,4,15,128,28,4,0.12925405837548082,0.15314492339490868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789719200584943,0.0,0.09887900087332743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083509656575105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879207429289717,0.0,0.10998568366630168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627909617711018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22268185270798596,0.27104084209064383,0.0,0.0,0.10319884811436854,0.1430171571409881,0.0,0.0,0.2665105173169262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797518025419872,0.1453934185517773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537108653294788,0.0,0.0,0.1235077918387556,0.0,0.0,0.12184922291979362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31258904089450484,0.0,0.0,0.11949329419598324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841217174808997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663627077046783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127289211252504,0.0,0.0,0.14591209904785954,0.0,0.0,0.12826470870927556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710346501975122,0.0,0.14580420775804645,0.0,0.0,0.13217103191931068,0.09129596392723437,0.06314700404758697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098871782619656,0.0,0.0,0.08627808763984551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871442412269998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664153397288058,0.12402275501250565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758589507654885,0.0983035358054919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378965880191806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877048671426684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278801509821298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267743349170238,0.10692029276278232,0.14528697714679426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806008716523522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218204203599421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225177340596006,0.0,0.0,0.17551004235545775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367980914419686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323537583304358 bpd,PsychoticBaby96,2020/04/05,Need help figuring this out Hi I need help figuring something out I lack empathy and sympathy and have never yawned from another person but I just realized I caught a yawn off my bf It’s freaking me out,2.881,5.347857099999999,4.830000000000002,78.24500000000002,78.0,10.0,30.0,10.125756701596842,3.8409999999999993,164,8,30,6,4,56,31,40,0.134,0.7290000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.2263,0,0,1,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,14,4,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,5,3,1,6,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950393991640676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5050349352082523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5586883213887391,0.290561186023157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32895039032638923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900289377838945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,erdbeerlove,2020/04/05,"I get angry at my “crush” for no real reason and I have no idea how to stop. Great. So, I have been talking to a man for the past 3 weeks and we cannot meet each other (distance, quarantine, age dif), and he is basically the perfect human, we match in ways I’d have never thought we could. I am trying to stay normal and not overreact to the smallest triggers, but I sent him a pic (in my opinion he could have said something in response) and I have been left on seen more than an hour ago. A part of me knows that he HAS things to do, or maybe he didn’t consider the pic that interesting, but I am extremely, extremely angry at sad and I have already screamed at my whole family for no apparent reason. I have an urge to do something, punch something, but I have to stay calm. HOW DO I STAY CALM BECAUSE I HAVE NO REAL REASON FOR BEING ANGRY?!",2.4451032204789414,3.8967753641618543,4.1668579686209775,87.19770231213877,75.70520231213874,7.023781998348472,25.073905862923198,7.7094869923839395,1.2386865400495457,650,22,138,9,14,219,97,173,0.149,0.758,0.092,-0.8544,1,1,3,0,0,0,23.0,3,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,9,0,23,0,0,6,2,33,29,13,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,4,10,0,1,6,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,7,3,20,5,20,19,4,20,0,1,1,0,14,8,0,2,7,99,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265098547036342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268767628169372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843451680018841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220944156120332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043689064288908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722892716983543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254636051641396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626027749960634,0.0,0.0,0.1561956658476841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604101755960932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033245925216124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900483631110533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671454029901142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556695333659766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983429836138196,0.13208371500854552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31497614319170264,0.0,0.42678248420815984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161547117708908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31955718373085346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4424315720575968,0.0,0.1156781674247431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121142278353344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192262955726983,0.0,0.0,0.10984524523213668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939398038529832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982658758040396,0.11098693617536713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447802123959653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,everytxme,2020/04/05,"I am not diagnosed with BPD but I do have abandonment trauma , I hope it’s okay that I vent here. I am 18 and I thought my abandonment issues were over, that it was just a “childish” phase that I conquered and that I matured. Well I was wrong. Really they got worse and manifested differently. There was this guy that I met over 2 years and ever since I never forgot about him. I met him once. Ever since I have been obsessed and in love with him. Over the past 2 years I’ve been talking to him on and off again rather it be platonically or in a FWB situation - and every single time he would do something to severally piss me off whether it be ignoring a nude I sent or ignoring me for days on end (he has an avoidant attachment style and rarely talks to people). I say that I hate him and I stop talking to him for months and months later I start missing him again and contact him again... Last year I told him that I loved him and if there could ever be a chance of us being together. He said yes, but he would need to feel better about himself first. I was so happy unfortunately this ended because I started having paranoia if he only said yes because he wanted me to shut up ... if I was just wearing him down... and if he felt better he would choose someone better than me.. and what if it wouldn’t work out? What if his avoidant style would ruin things? My thoughts started racing and I grew to be mad at him again because he hadn’t replied to my text in about a week or so , I started hating him again and I started thinking that maybe I needed to move on and that he was the worst and maybe he would hurt me and so I blocked him and cut him out of my life completely. I called him trash. I was happy that he was out of my life. And this entire time I thought I was right to be mad at him all those times and that he was the worst until he told me the other day (because I contacted him... again) that he was sick of playing of my victim game... and now I’m thinking that maybe I did over exaggerate ... I mean he had no commitment to me when he wasn’t answering me.. and that I let myself get too mad and angry at him... and now I’m just realizing that my abandonment issues aren’t gone. I subconsciously ruined the possible relationship because of my insecurity. They’re still here. I have absolute chaos in my mind 24/7 and it ruins relationships. This wasn’t the first relationship I ruined here. I just wanted to vent. Now I just feel deep shame for the way I acted. I feel terrible and dare I say it - unlovable.",2.2671077133339,4.201421212180748,3.7014662167933743,88.2332738959597,77.54616895874264,6.705065345519775,23.245963953190397,7.665016162671287,0.9784442299478942,1963,62,417,29,46,646,218,509,0.25,0.639,0.111,-0.9982,2,2,1,0,0,0,59.0,1,0,1,7,33,41,8,5,13,3,43,9,3,0,6,94,81,45,0,19,19,0,4,0,0,6,4,4,0,1,31,33,0,10,13,2,0,5,8,30,1,2,33,8,85,11,49,34,4,70,0,9,0,3,62,24,1,10,40,300,116,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336627295189103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034043724518239,0.0,0.0,0.09655331658624257,0.0,0.07828064461007493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037882432004073,0.0,0.0,0.0612085028856375,0.0,0.0,0.09888151218301856,0.0,0.0,0.07781048653346563,0.0,0.08009564858106237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579985216724805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080359591471625,0.0645911827358878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628808635421888,0.0,0.0736077032668478,0.0,0.0,0.13041760143907802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040052818531570784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06131373876659526,0.0,0.0,0.07590759887468046,0.0,0.16321660617985556,0.0,0.15137603845773814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614283034392348,0.0,0.0,0.08206843613383721,0.0,0.0,0.16003077133500082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06248989867399301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839226053826884,0.10829751249343922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838119895832862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23105235478141434,0.08350757495700598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740693549326243,0.0,0.12238202178587065,0.08147975195620823,0.0,0.11368805199766893,0.05912658983633955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164270666409087,0.0,0.058305033098339995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318271361604302,0.05314789444606526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642507542817045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049111747703334534,0.0,0.0,0.2469194344227055,0.0,0.06546907237778457,0.14584655396723675,0.12192966556710905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866064285314019,0.0,0.1268314747244311,0.08617148856235096,0.0,0.0,0.06495560595073535,0.059018282103415164,0.0,0.0,0.2713093845334925,0.0,0.061222506188334636,0.06409300493801183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848544395622152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05093093780174233,0.09824404321445254,0.0,0.1825835938227673,0.13410697953576872,0.0,0.0,0.1465079731274372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221514863140293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043466556651462,0.06085086042442076,0.0614937667729776,0.0,0.06892849555742403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05581097115911179,0.0,0.07812529836261163,0.2722930220988629,0.08381804579855641,0.0,0.1481037676762971 bpd,enterpseudonymheree,2020/04/05,"Fallen out of love or just splitting? Is the grass greener on the other side? Should I fight for my 6 month old marriage or just give up. I don’t think I’m in love anymore but then I think I’m just splitting. Living with roommates and quarantine/isolation has me questioning everything.",2.8496969696969683,5.559960545454548,3.4322727272727285,86.78174242424242,79.9090909090909,6.575757575757575,27.34848484848485,7.793537801064563,1.926030303030304,230,10,42,4,6,72,43,55,0.098,0.797,0.105,0.3421,0,2,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,13,11,5,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,7,10,0,9,0,0,0,2,6,5,0,3,3,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939197465523417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663585572842631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843054418363414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617004456376708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5349716174142165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365599829675007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31099082370029313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320026155208369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798043021406024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,emikttyy888,2020/04/05,"i’m getting there i posted a lot on here last year just before i went to hospital and i was dealing w a shit breakup and changing meds was having an extreme reaction on me. bpd , drug abuse and bipolar got really scary and bad very quickly and i completely lost control of so many aspects of my life. i used to use this page a lot to rant and it became a very safe space for me and helpful space for me where others genuinely wanted to help each other. i am doing a lot better now and i moved out of my parents house and i live with some of the best ppl i ever met. it back studying at uni , i’m so much better off drugs and i’m OFF ALL MEDS !!! yeah ?? she did that ?? ( im still a bit :s but i’m happier now ) and it’s nice because the boy who the break up fucked me up hard with. he’s now a very close friend of mine and it means the fucking world to me that i can sometimes maybe be there in a way he was to me. sorry ab the rant i just wanted to gas myself tbh bc i don’t do it enough and would be really nice to hear other people’s stories or smt idk :)",-0.29441558441558513,1.6147687705627725,2.112301298701301,96.37588051948052,86.40259740259741,4.9081212121212126,18.330909090909085,6.152001189255117,-0.29669537662337664,810,21,193,7,25,276,138,231,0.11599999999999999,0.736,0.14800000000000002,0.9006,1,0,2,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,0,5,15,12,3,0,14,1,13,7,1,3,2,36,30,17,0,3,4,1,1,0,1,1,4,1,0,1,12,18,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,8,2,23,7,26,19,11,28,0,1,0,2,12,14,3,5,9,127,35,0,0.0,0.13729719848670952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910349459683657,0.09675379504323864,0.07063852214987043,0.0,0.09860415811557154,0.0,0.12160744695753567,0.20497041895101548,0.1265094245223879,0.0,0.14594504665684765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122584199288355,0.0,0.12149651281147585,0.0,0.12996770902755275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946575369168955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687647858910825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973357541814275,0.0,0.0,0.10481883252871016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952752288547253,0.21425580642658254,0.060541788475045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267870624623922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380446933198732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060360979855234,0.0,0.15534197282463336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337083521776214,0.0,0.0,0.1251687784247347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944565293043188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184848575117501,0.0,0.0,0.1023229313372154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649518608106802,0.2955475387076219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117482717750446,0.1164156340109701,0.12622577197971654,0.2574300147083403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316061862272225,0.08518410794453543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866947770481024,0.0,0.0,0.08033563433023926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097967192358152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484696033938987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894772296071465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460690349635134,0.12971661133833529,0.0,0.0,0.09254080375503916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20016381871190386,0.0,0.2868359551009201,0.13669640725093415,0.09197904305875296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742062790718628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231683637517828,0.0,0.0,0.07462202248386886 bpd,actualadult24,2020/04/05,"Think my mum might have BPD, please advise. So just now my mum, dad and I got in a bit of an argument. She asked me to pass her the paper towel in a demanding tone, but I handed her a few sheets of paper. She then got angry and said ‘I only wanted one sheet,’ ripped it from my hands, and took a single sheet. I usually hold my tongue in these situations, but decided to say how I felt. I replied ‘You’re so demanding.’ (Admittedly my choice of words was a bit inflammatory.) This next part is what gets to me. She absolutely lost it, screaming about how she had only asked me to do a simple task, why did I have to make a big deal out of nothing (her tone of voice), and is now angry at my dad for not taking her side. She has gone up to her room, now deciding to spend the day (or probably the weekend as she usually does) avoiding us. This behaviour is pretty frequent for her; some days she’ll be fine and normal with us, and other days, if my dad or I try to communicate to her something she has done or said to upset us, she will fly off the handle, and the whole cycle starts again. I’m absolutely at my breaking point, and if it weren’t for the current pandemic and lack of funds, I would have moved out months ago. There’s more evidence I have that makes me think she might have BPD, and will give it if requested. My other dilemma is, even if she does have BPD as I suspect, she wouldn’t want to go and see a mental health professional to confirm it, or to do the work to get better. She stubbornly believes that my dad and I are just messing with her head, when we’re just trying to help her. Does her behaviour sound like BPD?",6.218200070447343,4.945147808383236,6.910676294469884,80.51000176118353,66.42514970059881,10.373793589292005,30.12610073969708,9.478462496947786,2.273790630503699,1264,35,277,21,17,420,177,334,0.106,0.835,0.059000000000000004,-0.9471,3,1,1,0,0,0,44.0,3,0,0,3,15,9,1,2,16,0,28,4,3,4,0,54,53,30,0,10,14,6,3,1,0,7,1,6,1,0,13,16,0,3,7,1,2,5,3,6,0,1,13,10,51,3,39,32,9,37,0,1,1,0,43,13,0,11,19,192,64,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275040051865575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745419506628853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517508195585107,0.0,0.08256174406019612,0.2038311436757366,0.0,0.4702913776769189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18061182762346525,0.0962412140320489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450773677824776,0.09553091264684417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061657731889023536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963200178131456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754452707085973,0.08955118746210597,0.053053762751664416,0.0,0.14932331531723586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958054878687274,0.09922819318074534,0.0,0.0,0.06257148845082057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0456067880037881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190410139687407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462559425297225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407627395200116,0.198062206898591,0.0,0.0,0.07451221209107146,0.09921778493758836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992802932482054,0.0,0.09146457032265806,0.08957320431605234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325733752733488,0.14199592158403218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109048984226952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247182525293526,0.08824726488280357,0.0,0.0,0.09497195365284417,0.10064861871026158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759715362396986,0.07423679530990361,0.0,0.0,0.07438899476368206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493090632536907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186648315117265,0.0,0.0,0.06607461490717631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018864942627218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963163997221753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037168614502592,0.12675897162451533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33687078931520315,0.0,0.2056267990712365,0.0,0.11012217125923038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842351358419747,0.1042235256397092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796094490565988,0.0,0.0,0.0663141697366262,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_blue_morpho_,2020/04/05,"Everything around me seems to be dying, NSFW possibly First my therapist lost her sister about a week ago. Then three nights ago my BFF’s father died of corona. And the night before last someone’s kitty fell from the 6th story window and I comforted him while he passed. (I just moved into the apartment on the first.) then I witnessed his human’s devastation when animal control brought her out. I don’t think people know what to say or just flat out don’t care because I posted the cat situation to my private Instagram and only friends I have on discord responded to it. And yeah, I know not everyone reads the stories they thumb through, but there were 15+ people. I feel selfish for making it all about me but the better part of me realizes I’ve experienced three events of various severity and I need support. I still talk to my therapist on mondays and fridays over the computer so I’m looking forward to that at least but I’m just so numb. I haven’t cried yet, just known I should and have nothing come out when I “allow myself.” I’m just tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’ve been fighting the sinking doom feeling but it didn’t start getting better until I allowed myself to feel the fear. I’ve been trying to decorate my new place and distract myself but I’m just so on edge and I need attention.",3.641884871884873,5.636735169884176,4.719510354510359,82.19456212706216,73.74903474903475,7.489013689013689,27.988943488943487,8.296473431620573,2.0920872586872585,1055,42,194,18,22,345,155,259,0.149,0.7659999999999999,0.085,-0.9597,1,0,0,0,2,0,20.0,0,0,1,6,17,13,1,2,12,1,11,3,1,4,1,47,34,24,2,3,13,2,3,0,1,1,2,1,1,1,6,15,0,2,10,1,0,6,5,7,0,4,6,6,31,6,31,26,4,41,1,2,1,0,14,14,0,2,21,132,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239669293404932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246002355248608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700928047844584,0.0,0.10749708569146499,0.0,0.0,0.2234563238638233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880132765416047,0.0,0.0,0.1088216638954201,0.0,0.0,0.14168925754716127,0.0,0.0,0.13876700544147236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622201176469736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071323503462633,0.11353679382771888,0.0,0.0,0.14215579041173082,0.1916279476147484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21491158793759,0.0,0.0,0.09760184543215956,0.0,0.06600194097279867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388547604525151,0.10297538986990497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608494908775587,0.0,0.13790355414602956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432591107453237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426824818465594,0.0,0.18734342231990567,0.0,0.12200980219049275,0.0,0.23710332458674804,0.0,0.1212165463618033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607926468246952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368025197074129,0.0,0.17516191472481438,0.0,0.13198742219997225,0.0,0.0,0.14241751107936498,0.1209887243172551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636366986319372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046227562300103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150056170026573,0.0,0.14271635788349893,0.0,0.0,0.14199963223930032,0.0,0.0,0.10703856125464713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941665850172886,0.0,0.10088688855852143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335720058908813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153885340951407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933565339360334,0.0,0.08094683194465163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14519715724813528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576942668301961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013338914350291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway44847,2020/04/05,"Similarity between BP and Borderline PD? I just want to say I'm trying not to violate rule 4. I'm *not* asking for a diagnosis but I want to know if others have experienced this. I am male (only saying that because I've heard of BPD's rates being higher among women and I don't know if that changes anything). I was diagnosed bipolar 2 initially, and during that first visit to a doctor I was ""hypomanic"" so I didn't know I had anything wrong and thought I was just tired all the time. Changed the diagnosis to schizotypal PD, then to Schizoaffective disorder. Currently, I am in a major depressive state and have been for a week. My life has been an utter hell since about 4 years ago when I experienced the first burst of mania. I haven't been happy in about 3 years. I am deeply saddened with life. I am living the worst possible reality I ever have been and don't know where the hell I went wrong. The thing that makes me doubt this is the frequency of mood changes and their severity and content. I have noticed an interpersonal context to many of the changes. I feel a deep loneliness and craving for closeness from a variety of people and somehow a strong avoidance. I consider myself an extrovert yet isolate myself and feel internal pain from that need conflicting with that safety. I have no ability to connect to others, as if that has been destroyed. I see so much overlap between these conditions. At first it strongly resembled bipolar in intensity and frequency. Maybe it's because I refused mediation and the rapid cycling eventually morphed into some kind of pseudo-BPD, I don't know. I have a variety of problems including body image issues, severe self hatred alternating into self love and grandiosity. These things are all new and getting worse over time. I don't see any good future for myself and I will accept the fact that I have truly lost this game and I have lost to this illness. I had an extra awful shit day and I'm really thinking this fight isn't worth it anymore. I keep wanting to just run off into the wilderness. I don't really care what happens anymore. I've done too much harm to be allowed any kindness anymore and I get that. My family will always show kindness to me and I don't deserve one minute of it. I know who I am and what I've done. I know that I cannot be helped, that's all good (just saying that passive aggressively, go to hell world). I just don't want to care so much about this anymore. I'm tired of looking for answers and therapists, one after the other, not being able to help me.",3.9911811846689917,5.998910475510208,5.253832752613242,78.68165505226483,72.81632653061223,8.209059233449477,29.502239920358384,8.9110942124816,2.6223663514186155,2023,86,365,42,41,672,236,490,0.268,0.65,0.08199999999999999,-0.9989,2,1,0,0,1,0,50.0,0,0,1,7,17,32,8,2,24,1,46,13,2,2,5,73,83,32,0,9,12,0,2,0,0,2,10,4,0,4,32,28,0,4,13,2,1,4,15,19,0,5,18,11,47,12,51,59,10,38,3,3,3,1,18,15,4,6,18,259,79,1,0.07465744744642301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617932258863858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621209769588436,0.0,0.0,0.10153924875305399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29616050724914755,0.0,0.0,0.12287343604324814,0.0,0.06979463534780829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102097403593028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292759379621298,0.18805688310184915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223648665934514,0.0,0.3159107206962181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04814787734641513,0.0,0.06430235008897475,0.07577573763119654,0.0,0.0,0.08556390279151667,0.07641506096833181,0.0,0.15280097849960853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753193543481963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038039710981829,0.0,0.07549809726843036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905107599774581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801086983649419,0.0,0.04242954786535375,0.12523824963891395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601933421686534,0.0794742410563116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008262662377257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792297852027663,0.0,0.06635896959288372,0.0,0.2332327287537238,0.2872084645894011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546552602886773,0.0,0.0,0.06592389388303507,0.0,0.0626934528963832,0.0,0.16299484611989692,0.0,0.06738126114175373,0.0,0.04983442589506764,0.07569093376094566,0.0750034406028999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464544220736502,0.05535755130044098,0.0,0.07210462796375654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499799874398255,0.0,0.0,0.10117963707924528,0.056780352976431435,0.07944078782441621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05175807381005712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416505450823494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714370944977134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565494509475456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811179621976236,0.0,0.0,0.11898463936498745,0.0,0.15576799974180094,0.1686833304338211,0.07663479694740538,0.06175741201645569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668305070755633,0.09919818143061612,0.0478374777880644,0.0,0.05926967395465599,0.08706671597059558,0.1716155065709572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05068750617256323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613958724665998,0.0,0.05988570107371108,0.0,0.0,0.0692082017437936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608231711207804,0.0,0.1632523977204372,0.0,0.09615389682986583 bpd,tsukinoasagi,2020/04/05,"New diagnosis This is all new and scary, I was diagnosed a few weeks ago, I start DBT on Tuesday. My object permanence is so bad I've been so clingy to my partners. I'm just scared...",0.7965789473684204,2.9020873421052684,3.020263157894739,90.32934210526315,83.47368421052632,6.957894736842108,22.657894736842106,8.07648339933343,1.1939263157894728,141,5,32,3,4,48,31,38,0.19899999999999998,0.8009999999999999,0.0,-0.8267,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,3,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,2,4,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30601461254392104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882423133460418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503886423192451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6668267043501159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456230857765855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244346825551012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769127711521618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chaoticanihilation,2020/04/05,"Never mentally present? Anyone else completely lose grip of focusing on their surroundings as soon as they get interested in something? For a while it was Pirates and Wizards, i’d just sit there and think about how cool it would be if i was a pirate or wizard and these thoughts could last like 10-60 minutes. I dont really know how to describe it. I also constantly mention things that previously happened when trying to socialize i feel like its annoying.",7.7164285714285725,8.337392071428576,7.678666666666667,69.93300000000002,62.80952380952381,11.481904761904767,38.22857142857143,11.20814326018867,4.642174285714286,370,18,61,10,5,119,70,84,0.067,0.8109999999999999,0.122,0.5672,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,1,8,6,1,0,2,1,6,0,0,2,1,15,12,12,0,3,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,3,6,4,9,6,0,11,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,2,9,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720358500708312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636828291535385,0.2398552984785046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24544139784695426,0.2529706908796721,0.0,0.1869037104667443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743545161064249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19555413840918112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836413677845785,0.16723563705724226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230360236368965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20700711111921868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286510453964433,0.19081652676070893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287314166195477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618894853300643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359100514767953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18054646832818144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996556753577636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386276929163077,0.0,0.18021574438948895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555205699195475,0.14999693949666115,0.0,0.1858431946924576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893335410128104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629250435864704,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,frizzybunny,2020/04/05,"Help Can anyone pm please, just need someone to talk to :( My life is crashing around me.",1.66,4.237743529411766,1.6073529411764724,98.67808823529413,84.29411764705883,3.4000000000000004,20.264705882352946,3.1291,-0.6208588235294119,68,2,14,0,2,20,16,17,0.127,0.655,0.218,0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30234976337109226,0.0,0.0,0.3849348413782786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898340019335738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30542259437179425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32062509092539904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4746541904918769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663779385453089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34755321221039825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,KVAFILMS,2020/04/05,"I have been so calm and balanced this quarantine, is anyone else able to relate? Before Q, i was having deep lows and really high highs and theyd only ever last a few days, if that. My relationships with people were hanging on by a thread and I was having breakdown after breakdown. Since i have been in isolation with my brother and his fiancé, i have felt calm, grateful, inspired and brand new. I feel a smidgeon guilty at all my bliss but so grateful its here and i am clearer headed and more forgiving of myself. I even bought a school course to supplement my resume! Is anyone else coming out clear or feeling this?",3.571941448382127,5.957048644067798,4.193636363636365,84.10275038520804,75.27118644067797,6.3248073959938385,24.28659476117103,7.348242739294969,1.2502101694915253,492,16,87,6,11,156,83,118,0.042,0.758,0.2,0.9606,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,4,0,14,1,1,0,3,23,19,13,0,1,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,12,0,0,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,7,3,15,4,11,11,3,15,0,1,0,0,5,8,0,2,5,66,19,1,0.19435314594863176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717924771660202,0.3982755312331344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653802124166939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674180260311146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534170070226516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32471422917819914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283684199108968,0.17580354743813198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19654158050053008,0.0,0.18660949875398106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19946239862725984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41068953884578907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842375391697616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877074794482971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478143253821081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347400000575301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450760199142005,0.0,0.0,0.20866254411441207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966957597192696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077093071870185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,borkthecats,2020/04/05,"Is it possible I have BPD? I’ve read some of the signs/symptoms as well as some of the posts here and am hoping that someone here is able to help me figure out if there’s a chance I do. I’m 16 (F),and I’ve always been highly competitive with anyone around me. Most of the time I feel like I’m better than most people, reasons behind it can be any factor (looks,smarts,family income,athleticism). I frequently get random bursts of energy or a sudden spontaneous mood, and at times can also get random bursts of anger, thoughts about killing/harming the people around me start to pool in my head, sometimes it triggers when I’m in physical pain. At times my emotions seem to switch off, like I’m numb to everything, unable to feel most emotions, like I’m just a walking zombie. During these moments are when I feel suicidal, but I’ve never self-harmed or do anything that would harm me when I feel this way. It’s like I want to die, but at the same time I want to stay alive. I’ve never opened up to my family or my friends. My friends know nothing about my mental state, because I don’t like to talk about my feelings to them. It makes me feel weak and vulnerable, it makes me feel like they’re constantly judging me, or mocking me for feeling this way. When they talk about their own problems, I get really angry because their problems seem to be so trivial compared to what I’m facing internally, and sometimes because I don’t show it, because I’ve created this other fake personality for people that I’m always happy and bright and quirky, they think I don’t have any problems and that I’m just so fucking happy all the fucking time. But at the same time, I invalidate my feelings by telling myself that other people out there in the world have worse problems than me, that I shouldn’t feel this way. Most times it feels good to manipulate people, or to lie to them and get away with it. Is it normal? I’m not sure. I feel so alone in my struggle against myself, like no one understands, like there’ll be no one that I can connect with, like I’ll truly die alone and unhappy. This is the basic summary of how I feel. Not everyday though, some days are normal and I feel happy. I’ve reached out to my school counselor about my issues, but she has told me that it could just be a normal teenager thing, which hasn’t helped so now I’m here. Is this a sign of BPD, or NPD, or some other thing, or is it just a teenager thing?",5.5098627799502315,5.62213175876289,5.8709704941343785,82.75814432989694,67.49484536082474,8.58656238890864,29.301457518663355,8.216663640201805,1.8676676146462847,1913,61,386,23,29,614,208,485,0.156,0.69,0.154,-0.8268,1,2,0,0,0,1,60.0,0,0,6,1,29,35,4,1,15,0,30,7,2,6,4,95,73,36,3,14,19,0,14,9,2,2,3,0,0,1,35,19,0,0,22,3,0,1,11,14,1,2,3,15,48,20,56,63,12,47,0,0,1,2,16,19,2,22,30,249,83,2,0.06364899400466079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184232451317038,0.0,0.05090007750977907,0.10592212365295776,0.0,0.0,0.08656699708035014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04450485652088234,0.0,0.05237769882007586,0.11332219806901185,0.0,0.0,0.059800325064138626,0.0,0.0,0.15519934390655046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05629236281648824,0.0,0.0,0.16032735962041358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878195079966275,0.0,0.05081854254694235,0.0,0.0,0.041048335583109316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211521379328853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431931026697216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05720361170056368,0.0,0.12000521386438312,0.0,0.4505598132986127,0.09094170806920003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983501097596894,0.11768493866216695,0.1330158894083457,0.0,0.0,0.05338575636504276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032666129985872,0.0,0.0,0.06532223058399687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532515803622498,0.06724865673818682,0.0,0.0632178125759265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643301321307132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03497982253996526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798611509222549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849723954812989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414321555354037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818005602482023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18708750049066156,0.06107292637033315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626041117294038,0.0,0.06772701720870387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22063099143546694,0.0555758465087237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175467730317184,0.0609581420494641,0.0,0.0,0.2436139651122346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366621832637656,0.0,0.040775175385023794,0.06544176656177324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441617999033028,0.0,0.11588730730561846,0.0663997820766568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0539295860713566,0.0,0.12590096514234408,0.0,0.04505108555607317,0.06784135884084164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653974821188335,0.0,0.06962166879134246,0.0,0.059988423594489464,0.06615567553537888,0.0,0.10231730079980893,0.0556320262030456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268566902119498,0.04078370532445102,0.06253481344598545,0.05053019157807871,0.25979968179038104,0.0,0.0,0.06081934138916824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626084746118655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508365150503972,0.15156482647227565,0.0,0.0,0.0572280895470753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486376257643366,0.04521441916205905,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Top-Cicada,2020/04/05,"People tell me it gets better, but I don't think they get the manner in which I think and function, which is really childish on a good day. Reading this sub has been an eye-opener to me; it literally described everything I feel in some way, shape, or form. I'm really intensely suicidal and self-hating and it sucks, because I thought I was making progress. Anyway, I'm falling back into old habits and I just don't think any of it ever gets better. I don't think I'll ever be content or happy with who I am because that's not how I'm wired, and thinking about that for too long gets me spiraling. In fact, being sober and simply existing makes me unreasonably angry and self-loathing. I'm not sure if this is because I'm a huge pothead or because I have bad mental issues, but it's how I feel. I become enraged when I see myself in the mirror for no real reason, I just think I look like a fucking freak. All my head ever has for me are bad thoughts; I deal with a lot of chronic, moderate-level pain that makes me a useless dopamine junkie and that's really all I'll ever be. I try to make consistent improvements but I continue to feel like a failure because I'm irrationally perfectionistic and I hate something if I'm not good at it. I used to have a fragile ego, now I don't have one anymore because I replaced it with the self-hating thing somehow. I don't ever give myself a chance to really improve before everything becomes too overwhelming and I lose control of the situation and spiral out or smoke weed and try to distract myself with something (I can only choose between the two, there isn't another option for me to go do something normal because the bad feelings won't go away even while I'm doing work or something productive). I fried my brain with Adderall and I'm not really the same anymore, I still get cravings for last year's tweaking episodes. But, I thought the Adderall gave me pretty instantaneous happiness, productivity, and confidence even though it actually gave me incredibly bad paranoia, anger issues, and a stark reduction in my intelligence. Anyway, I wish I was dead and I wish I had the balls to do it. I wish I wasn't automatically so negative and cynical all the time without even realizing it, and I wish I wasn't me. I've been through the system, SSRIs (I tried Zoloft and then Lexapro, I took them for a year with no improvement) make me more angry and prone to suicidal urges because they take my fists and put them through the walls while numbing me out and making me want to die just for the sake of dying, and I don't even know where to begin because I can't cope no matter what I do.",6.841209744013213,6.326294562620429,7.508678089733003,74.2432153179191,64.83815028901735,10.265923479218275,35.1060418387008,9.696096459569628,3.2766955133498485,2094,86,393,37,28,698,244,519,0.22,0.649,0.131,-0.9959,0,0,5,0,0,1,52.0,0,0,4,6,28,26,6,2,24,0,33,7,2,11,10,101,86,42,5,8,19,0,5,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,21,32,0,1,17,2,0,5,20,17,0,2,13,7,64,9,44,69,8,43,0,3,2,1,10,15,2,11,23,268,85,2,0.0,0.0,0.06156421457167175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042901604166405136,0.06615265317222865,0.0,0.0,0.12513152310812753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05927270117831963,0.048510326405892534,0.2107014186051001,0.3461175124098407,0.13935018215664516,0.05368274181397185,0.0,0.0,0.1115913800222524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042641711370948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075789805640786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04068616226208584,0.06504035259370819,0.0,0.0,0.13094954885078766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667456505089318,0.28533088418469504,0.0,0.0,0.11339779772138528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759556621121967,0.045069660417817625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058323296696380374,0.1648028471503521,0.06051919509017269,0.07170806126036844,0.10582945764291003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431544838451615,0.0,0.06228575926189148,0.06474588640703585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169373699324907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034671192279611324,0.0514246617200908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061642646599305975,0.0,0.0,0.055830375216725917,0.0529775379080673,0.07057867795715662,0.0,0.05363466246389663,0.0,0.0,0.2526680281604038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357727393695242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061812269966136174,0.0,0.0,0.06619962744717943,0.0,0.04274966373083147,0.0479808203771127,0.06712945537344196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04373686869429127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418257930575684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342027487636183,0.0,0.0,0.06310448530113408,0.07180728753089832,0.2020770609104466,0.0648643677076508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05027250016723828,0.0,0.1974417916849452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091289541616431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942710906479428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050381689476183295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801478053435812,0.0,0.05945914009766678,0.0,0.04743388321390785,0.0,0.05514117960965747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04191247390566824,0.2425432011663579,0.06198306291228939,0.15025307685259376,0.036786777827396214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700924370757756,0.12849663668200734,0.0,0.0616272354937157,0.0,0.0,0.05448726912619367,0.0,0.0,0.037210590697141166,0.05007585192332245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29018964574057193,0.060814014805401564,0.0,0.045928387995955035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125245107701641 bpd,babyslug,2020/04/05,"I wish being alone wasn’t one of my biggest triggers. CW: self harm I’m on week 3 now if total isolation. My boyfriend went to visit his family in another state and now he’s stuck there until god knows when. It was supposed to be last week, then in 10 days, now it may be sometime in May. I’m so sad and lonely that I relapsed after two years clean from self harm. I took apart a shaving razor with a nail clippers and just went ham. I’m banking on the fact that he probably won’t be back until they heal anyway. I’m also past caring. I feel so selfish for responding this way to something we all have to do right now. Being alone just fucking sucks when you have a partner who doesn’t really know how to maintain a long distance relationship. I keep going back and forth between telling him we need a break until he gets back because his stale, lukewarm text messages just make me feel worse. This was a mess. I’ve also been drinking a little and I’m alcohol intolerant so lol. Anyways. This sub helps me feel a lot less alone. But I’m so sad and I don’t know how long I can just live with it.",1.4477337437475983,3.6147894601769934,2.9660677183532123,91.29868988072336,81.38938053097345,5.523355136590997,22.65794536360139,6.7026698264267655,0.5838951904578686,862,29,181,9,23,282,140,226,0.171,0.757,0.07200000000000001,-0.9695,0,6,3,0,0,0,20.0,2,1,1,0,24,10,2,0,9,1,18,4,0,4,3,35,43,22,0,3,6,0,3,0,1,3,2,0,1,3,9,10,2,1,6,1,1,5,4,9,0,2,8,3,18,1,20,27,4,39,0,3,0,1,20,9,2,4,22,113,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618882059848336,0.0,0.3959514066737106,0.0,0.2038187900000165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336262780782691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939679992473541,0.0,0.07768294281514651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992805683301492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218476767993703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483738263177907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013398937768108,0.0,0.193304271950793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781122432839462,0.06657931322593849,0.0,0.0724240138145674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541671898319983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326971821068685,0.0,0.0,0.2101041526844809,0.10387619872477848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277229367184173,0.11252707703712413,0.2255512027462037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834033069505833,0.0,0.0,0.08506357788489534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449113322740647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635297572383263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165073498450732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373960408050497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163786103682573,0.0,0.0,0.1368170578144841,0.0,0.10882844294756326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658841381239325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810537271235514,0.1260360672840663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138344793065894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158451760787671,0.0,0.0,0.12448507674874855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115164537227103,0.20444068155621592,0.0,0.0,0.2362662819354125,0.0,0.0,0.1465434885741019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986673350975847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206369738407097 bpd,bachaposh,2020/04/05,"Was anyone else really sad as a child? whatever happened aside, I don’t have a single memory of me being genuinely happy. And my family doesn’t let me forget it. Even when meeting old friends of my mum’s, they’ll tell me “I remember you were such a moody child” and laugh it off. I wasn’t a brat, let me be clear. I didn’t scowl or mouth off at anyone. I was terrified of my mum, so would never talk back to her. I was in a constant state of sadness. I would cry when there was no reason to. Not much has changed there. And whenever someone brings it up, my mum never fails to mention the time she took me to the doctor when I was around 4 (I don’t remember this) because I was so unhappy. She’ll claim I told the doctor I didn’t love my mum because I felt she didn’t love me. (Mum cries when she tells this story but it’s all manipulative!!!) What I do remember coming is home from nursery in tears and stand in our hallway, facing a wall, and not speak to anyone... Just wanting to be left alone. This happened a lot. Even after a regular outing. Well maybe it was because of what was going on but I couldn’t express it properly, so I guess I was depressed.",0.5984444444444463,2.8220707333333337,2.7741666666666696,91.0052777777778,85.41666666666666,5.888888888888888,20.555555555555557,7.242747475848597,0.6235138888888883,896,28,193,14,27,303,130,240,0.12300000000000001,0.7979999999999999,0.079,-0.8485,0,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,1,1,1,1,16,11,0,0,11,0,31,6,2,2,4,30,43,16,0,4,6,5,1,0,1,4,2,1,1,2,11,7,0,0,5,0,0,4,13,5,1,0,17,2,36,6,23,16,4,28,0,4,0,2,26,11,0,3,11,142,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108183308067524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452351911317782,0.11978645992889556,0.0,0.10407325205766248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898953346698427,0.0,0.21379880614035346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367357386062162,0.10070622518264552,0.0,0.12633643583636958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568367510230369,0.0,0.0,0.1006930239735365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393213795569433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766195749301053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544337764379637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102108243888438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225038694009208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032313118993296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644173151495618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287877706412635,0.0,0.20676340425559492,0.12445115378969493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172686461026722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270213065101625,0.2390934966854869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993913314817517,0.2110287706164896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745019011397592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859411174261384,0.0,0.18033391324591055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267568794713835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489450748134398,0.12020129476017535,0.0,0.0,0.3973032437762109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905609845569137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396653451350616,0.2043661695295436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817022166680857,0.0,0.0,0.11171097550580936,0.12988952158413758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895559671137809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511468167223807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609673028855707,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,clarizzy,2020/04/05,"I (F24) am tired of feeling so alone. Hi. I’m recently diagnosed with BPD in February 2020... And finally, for the first time I feel like I understand what’s going on about me. Like finally it kinda makes sense that I’ve been bingeing, purging and starving every other day. And finally it kinda makes sense that I have been sleeping with way too many strangers than my liking, taking way too much drugs to the verge of overdose, drinking way too much alcohol that I always would vomit literally all my guts after, shopping way too much that I kept running out of money... When I was being diagnosed by my psychiatrist, I felt like there’s this unknown figurative lock in my head has finally been discovered. Since then, I’m on Fluoxetine and Quetiapine. And I was previously on Venlafaxine for the past few years. On top of medications, I started seeing a new therapist too. Because I desperately want to get better. I hate that I’m always in those intense and unhealthy romantic relationships, that I’ve never ever able to commit to a healthy romantic relationship with anyone at all. Right now, I feel so alone. I was so alone to the point that I slept with a stranger yesterday. And I’ve been abstaining from one night stand since last August. :/ I’ve an extremely loving support system. However, they are all very far away from me (about average 13 hours flight away). I miss them a lot and I don’t know how to share with them my latest diagnosis. I was previously diagnosed with chronic depression and everyone in my support system knows about it. I am not very sure how to start this conversation with them. I really don’t know. I want to but I’m afraid to share. So, when will all of this get better? I’m tired.",4.198600176912868,6.428029504643966,5.421622069880584,76.73863390092879,72.83900928792569,9.196329057938966,28.873175586023887,9.696096459569628,3.04878690844759,1362,56,244,37,28,452,173,323,0.083,0.799,0.11699999999999999,0.6919,1,3,3,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,4,4,19,16,1,1,9,0,18,16,4,4,8,48,49,19,0,3,2,0,4,4,0,2,10,0,0,0,16,17,2,2,9,2,2,2,4,4,0,2,11,5,33,12,43,35,9,52,0,2,1,1,11,17,0,3,30,159,49,0,0.08707354955009385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930551437116917,0.0,0.2705458119759864,0.0,0.0,0.14490433708459902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060883850406293925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361693217657775,0.0,0.0,0.05307922761826964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401895724021736,0.0,0.0,0.1096660875042388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056155236044783716,0.0,0.07499632063737381,0.2651334597285792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529892931256515,0.10097767345571826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876301062285032,0.07336322094735208,0.08320250805010407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208100875987244,0.0622053611967049,0.08360426252409389,0.381539269642601,0.0,0.07406471676576643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909846716233981,0.0,0.04948590482005515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596710328807441,0.08936258255804967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574990667596546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143560036988053,0.07097656443517329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701589522212041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402681804789144,0.0785872780473077,0.0,0.11624454092376164,0.088278912509784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771744056970239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920272331910136,0.0,0.0671564893270911,0.08409617674511116,0.0,0.08171262772875121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05900329065631806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831215556230635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231264898329214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05578154548745344,0.0,0.08597462554942945,0.18696881170111893,0.0,0.07436033555398833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938634554096096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440562799621422,0.0,0.08713643302622966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326221307331285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19762006432240112,0.08206578997783227,0.0,0.06546847282472451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109910222090422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05077328696959645,0.20015647234248773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064663589530343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436895949172821,0.10271647104504616,0.2764597227709769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185455133820295,0.0,0.0,0.056072511091799164 bpd,sdkfhuieheu,2020/04/05,"Diagnosis process? Hello, I'm not sure if this is appropriate to post here, but I thought I'd give it a shot. Ever since I was 17 docs have told me they suspect that I have a personality disorder, and now that I'm an adult I've been doing some research and I suspect I have BPD. I already have a therapist who knows this, but I've been told by friends that the diagnosis process is a hard one and it takes a long time. How long did it take for you to get diagnosed?",4.230952380952382,4.227176448979595,5.710612244897959,83.21176870748302,70.22448979591837,9.390476190476187,31.639455782312922,9.2995712137729,2.4204231292517004,364,15,84,7,6,124,63,98,0.136,0.8190000000000001,0.045,-0.7537,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,7,0,11,1,0,1,2,15,21,7,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,9,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,1,9,2,4,14,1,6,0,0,0,0,10,0,0,2,5,53,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255546831157149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25742802547790994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20745636315759264,0.0,0.0,0.23425408508844284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18488674818961065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791487255147785,0.0,0.10678781790160104,0.19607406354287074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18309754382240945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233000617424772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617658338501011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385031686278412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17846960699504386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19575366527270474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16907744477942602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19263962774692453,0.0,0.30735882119751234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373180520487777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226659599163132,0.1191842191972182,0.0,0.0,0.39061587496354017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Flippity_Flappity,2020/04/05,What does FP stand for? I hear it a lot.,-5.271000000000001,-4.666692099999997,-1.84,117.16000000000004,120.0,2.0,5.0,3.1291,-3.3089999999999997,29,0,10,0,2,10,10,10,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5268588977808754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6785552462967592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5118422408831315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,IlikeCannedPeaches,2020/04/05,"I’m thing to learn more about bpd I really want to learn more about it, can you guys tell me your symptoms ?",1.5217391304347814,3.1006274782608725,2.2341304347826103,99.52771739130438,78.56521739130434,6.339130434782609,15.847826086956525,7.1686216300943375,-0.5326347826086959,84,1,21,1,2,26,18,23,0.0,0.9259999999999999,0.07400000000000001,0.1513,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,13,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5317182304029742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4180224519965873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704579449374934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4388044412390634,0.0,0.0,0.3690020542526163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804762081530092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24901143762970146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kirqr,2020/04/05,"my bf doesn’t believe i suffer from it i’m not diagnosed but after a lot of research and months of questioning, i truly believe i suffer from it. my boyfriend was the one that first suspected it after coming across something about it but now he doesnt think i have it especially because im not diagnosed. how do i try and talk to him about it and help him understand because hes not understanding me right now and it hurts. example: he asked for a photo of something and i asked why and became paranoid about it but apologized because i was realizing i was becoming this way. he said it was so he could remember and thats it. i sent the photo and saw he screenshotted it. i asked why and he joked about it and then said it was to see if it would make me paranoid again about ‘literally nothing’ and he was right. that incident really hurt me and i feel like he’s not understanding even though he’s the one that initially suspected it. i’m very anxious and feel like im having an anxiety attack because of it now but he just said hes done with the conversation. for context we’re ldr and have been dating for 8 months. im trying to get to an online therapy thing that my local therapist place does so i can get the help i need.",4.812936746987951,5.3451321285140585,6.1179292168674735,78.91858057228917,69.08032128514057,9.919779116465863,30.421937751004013,9.978442167317967,2.8545600401606426,976,37,197,23,16,330,118,249,0.14,0.77,0.08900000000000001,-0.9058,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,15,8,1,0,9,0,19,2,0,2,0,43,41,24,0,4,10,0,2,2,1,1,2,3,0,0,23,16,0,0,11,1,0,2,6,5,0,3,13,7,23,3,22,26,1,19,0,4,2,0,28,5,0,3,13,132,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762523955148152,0.11260628858462896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27955275116118217,0.11339662540071713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430479418015793,0.11008507361536332,0.0,0.2246029939331411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858626430116039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958372671232031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233948564963372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722774369107705,0.10200386153563112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583551409646027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079905947712646,0.14241809542344488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478494214109708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415391371458113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362236928711446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21341191779142105,0.0,0.3230037915013788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097393992368123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474155791251202,0.0,0.0,0.06653496500640763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15912196700032913,0.0,0.0,0.07390900311304283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564247296719644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508701046548838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414092661980527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116607056024927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385544039345756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291425968897545,0.17024669836991915,0.2844460756020014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942941725785006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534719724390102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801163482529292,0.0,0.0,0.11398898266002752,0.11573232041681356,0.066220764176984,0.06386879859568506,0.09793184247057242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534785999360166,0.0,0.0,0.31130085074006697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224370876802185,0.0,0.0791187174643834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988541917575215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080746116883888,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,insidetheborderline,2020/04/05,"What should I know as someone who loves someone with BPD? Hello, all. One of my closest friends whom I love dearly just got out of the hospital. While he was there, he was diagnosed with BPD. Since I love him, I want to gain perspective on what it's like to have BPD as I got hit with bipolar instead, lol. What things can I do to support? What should I know about it? Share anything about your illness that you'd like as I'm interested in reading everything. :)",2.890467032967031,4.859065450549451,3.498997252747256,90.23662774725277,75.8131868131868,6.747802197802199,27.85851648351648,7.645422480735847,1.5329439560439564,360,15,75,5,8,113,62,91,0.024,0.602,0.374,0.9890000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,1,5,10,0,0,1,1,8,6,0,0,1,11,19,4,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,2,3,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,11,10,16,11,1,5,0,0,0,3,13,4,0,0,3,51,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361471291202249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6251165159067282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792318124518982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869128815859212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782238809724528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646429427811116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18184847838812732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616561293522746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4479616859279992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121098062962686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16548976076351166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685780456201938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28036200458058363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877450129052096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991429922226637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758374104396944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,venus2693,2020/04/05,DAE constantly redecorate? It’s such a niche issue I think but every time I feel a bit off I redecorate an rearrange the whole house and if it doesn’t look good or gets physically too difficult or just doesn’t go the way I want I have these crazy panic attacks and start taking it out on people around me. I just am always trying to make things around me beautiful and if it doesn’t go the way I want to I flip the fuck out and idk what to do. Does anyone else do this?,1.1706060606060618,3.245175000000004,3.1699898989899005,89.9683181818182,81.82828282828281,6.78828282828283,17.980808080808078,7.908726449838941,0.4550274747474754,371,8,83,7,10,125,64,99,0.19699999999999998,0.691,0.11199999999999999,-0.8823,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,2,1,7,0,7,1,0,1,0,21,19,9,0,4,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,0,2,10,1,9,19,2,13,0,0,1,1,0,6,1,4,3,55,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574918678952492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234540136012649,0.19393448848390946,0.0,0.33698955482348303,0.0,0.2153275077741641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066391540720555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20453891095329307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563572850065084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811488027934856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947225506528154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570306958646106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749815824479549,0.09888831605805554,0.0,0.2151385594496561,0.1587547945409135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21839780625563351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975538061362163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589432343923976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634245634773866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220732975186748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121937422855712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396973871447712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231115894613333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574582411727075,0.12127970455505215,0.0,0.0,0.11036770830889296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285052234667489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22327846376396634,0.30047518944573764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21131865115625453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lamb_ear,2020/04/05,"Does anyone knows if there is some BPD support from psycologists or whatever in this time of Covid-19? Hi, in these weeks I've been getting discounts in games, free films,... but couldn't get any support for BDP. Does anyone knows if there is some?",6.3053623188405785,7.322868956521741,5.011739130434783,86.44123188405798,65.95652173913044,7.872463768115942,30.55072463768116,7.793537801064563,1.8024289855072475,196,7,38,2,3,57,36,46,0.0,0.838,0.162,0.7851,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,10,4,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,6,8,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,5,2,20,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727177605539421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551828946972277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31988382920874164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44452604253365535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26539220848074463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279165816879121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5764358366617585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481000537811751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037305634161113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PM_ME_USED_COUPONS,2020/04/05,"My FP said he was proud of me Despite the quarantine I visit my FP about once a week usually on my 1-2 days off from work (I don’t work from home - essential worker). I still frequently have panic attacks and have a minimum of 1 every time I see him. With the quarantine, my coping skills have been failing me and a lot of my negative thoughts and impulses are rising at very rapid rates. The other day I started to have a panic attack on my way to his place and shut down upon arrival. He said despite everything he’s really proud of me because I haven’t been closing him off as much or trying to push him away. He has genuinely seen me trying to make an effort to shut down negative thoughts and find a safe space to be in. After he said that I realized I can finally trust him and it felt really nice to have someone be proud of me.",7.326271929824562,5.3716171461988305,8.203559941520469,74.31832236842106,64.67251461988303,12.058771929824562,35.41008771929825,10.9516,3.6732859649122807,656,24,133,15,8,224,100,171,0.127,0.7709999999999999,0.102,-0.6915,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,9,3,11,2,2,9,0,15,0,0,1,0,17,25,8,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,8,0,1,5,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,10,6,24,6,28,13,2,29,0,1,2,0,14,15,0,2,10,91,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33810812701646986,0.13961468321351675,0.0,0.0,0.09058524017728428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19166953901107475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520199120997885,0.0,0.1335521858397486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426793972032681,0.1627841432914173,0.13581779699353413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905801389978635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633448890127186,0.0,0.0,0.09919171897720594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092381698058728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825425405063825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487003934637068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15525547396474518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19039405515772284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4240581653956772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841503838478215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590838038276458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517991384812876,0.0,0.11867222981482678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359437572396209,0.0866499118602097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017794236663177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16366201332813335,0.12261064309532813,0.0,0.11795184062707904,0.11919803479153628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21636528159132346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,confessions_of_,2020/04/06,"If you developed BPD /other mental illnesses as a result of taking Accutane (isotretinoin), there's new subreddit group for you. Introducing: r/AccutaneDamage. Discuss delayed post-exposure toxicity and stories. The damage to your mental and physical health can occur after you stop the drug. So many young men and women have had their mental health damaged, sometimes permanently, by taking accutane (or isotretinoin), even at a normal dose. Although there's been a long-standing ""controversy"" about whether accutane actually causes mental health issues, there is irrefutable scientific proof that it does indeed change (sometimes permanently) key functions of the brain in multiple ways. Keep in mind: the ""proof"" that accutane does NOT cause depression (which is, unfortunately, the current conviction of most dermatologists) is industry-funded, poorly conducted research. If you developed mental health issues (depression, anxiety, suicidality, psychosis, brain fog/cognitive issues, memory issues, OCD, bipolar, schizophrenia, anhedonia, BPD etc), after taking accutane, there is very good reason to believe that accutane directly damaged your brain. So: Introducing: [r/AccutaneDamage](https://www.reddit.com/r/AccutaneDamage/). [r/AccutaneDamage](https://www.reddit.com/r/AccutaneDamage/) \--> please join, and share your story, gather support. The more public awareness the better. Source: This drug completely f\*\*ed up my body and life after I stopped taking it, and I am in horrific pain/disabled now with severe bodywide damage as a result of taking it years ago. Thank you! I hope you can show support and find a new community here. Research re: mental (sometimes permanent) and neurological damage caused by accutane use: (note: isotretinoin, or accutane, is a retinoid) * [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27671426](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27671426) (apoptosis of hippocampal neurons) * [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18466335](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18466335) (hint: using accutane will create a high concentration of RA, negative effect on dentritic morphology) * [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15051884](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15051884) (suppresses hippocampal neurogenesis) * [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15863802](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15863802) (21% decrease in brain metabolism of orbitofrontal cortex) * [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/31666680](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/31666680) (retinoid dysregulation is involved in the aetiology of schizophrenia) * [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25678793](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25678793) (altered retinoid signalling pathways associated with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or major depression)",16.1399804623901,22.20245856626507,9.981146206447411,39.4846613480951,52.19277108433735,12.504851839791598,45.71996092478021,11.20814326018867,7.960973852165417,2332,122,177,74,37,621,205,332,0.124,0.792,0.084,-0.9287,1,0,2,0,0,0,262.0,0,9,1,2,10,15,0,0,15,0,13,18,6,9,2,38,25,19,1,4,7,0,0,0,0,1,12,0,0,2,9,10,0,5,3,1,1,0,2,8,0,0,2,0,14,7,29,22,4,23,0,8,0,0,18,9,0,7,13,109,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0708953552785449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439932847160004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05557660836178732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185101954129294,0.0,0.06425250925186841,0.0,0.0806971293048348,0.18299880555592754,0.3244031226262974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238929033052988,0.07685345465181713,0.0,0.07617153590689313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877185200556868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326253073688786,0.0,0.1271519961221274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685005278363623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102330863645363,0.047984257524407915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640025481439167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609348876675362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088917499486689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675810221951576,0.0,0.07215726759701503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033084832496749,0.0,0.06457414359485593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051314434686652005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429245161109462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365511031129966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4392811754127984,0.0,0.07335520538209099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033052738915922,0.0,0.0,0.07118100783566217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077304106313496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974724825725084,0.0,0.0,0.06957806334721273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469570472954719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207316711153545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155564055997893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147633828476408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946667530601476,0.1648834044685289,0.0,0.0,0.273116617022382,0.0,0.0,0.06688582627617085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549154828775058,0.0,0.05994338094641461,0.0,0.057665728990122136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04678384534291027 bpd,picantebasura123,2020/04/06,"Im wondering if any of you experience this??? Do any of you get so upset about something and so overwhelmed with hurt that it sends you into a panic attack? Almost all the panic attacks i have had were triggered by me being so upset and overwhelmed with hurt, i want to know if this is normal. Idk if this would be classified as a panic attack because its not caused by fear or panicing but it is exactly like a full blown panic attack. I would really appreciate if anyone could give me a response because i dont really understand if this is a normal thing or if this happens with anyone else and i also want to know if what i experience are panic attacks or if its something else.",7.192324093816628,6.436272731343291,8.166759061833691,70.60649253731344,64.22388059701493,10.343710021321963,33.32196162046908,9.606745405546679,3.1460588486140733,542,19,95,9,7,185,73,134,0.264,0.643,0.09300000000000001,-0.9784,0,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,0,5,19,5,11,6,0,14,0,0,2,2,36,23,20,0,15,13,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,12,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,18,0,0,2,0,11,1,12,16,2,3,0,4,0,0,5,2,0,13,1,77,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992983916566782,0.0,0.0,0.07181950493861497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214517498797145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559182300183233,0.09201901124371174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5108483930282263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094923681012552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225765724255193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170445991407651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525442407361577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004628686692492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569910879493858,0.0,0.1010590803782578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0469210254367568,0.08615211270128753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941700603005346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19228285651634555,0.0,0.09700815889797493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987123658968202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04387570116486405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17598573941740042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6322227290581547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506673675987958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827732565813158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05966451090651146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349339911243204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594228818294883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973930532425924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275941947114808,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,6xydragon,2020/04/06,I don't know how bad I fucked up I took too many pills by accident and now I am having an manic episode. Internet is not really happening. So I am asking you guys. I took 600mg of setraline and 1350mg of burpophine in the last 2 days. Should I seek help or sleep it off.,-0.4513075060532685,1.617123966101694,2.297142857142859,93.60542372881358,89.0,6.761259079903147,18.59806295399516,7.957251820313856,0.7218842615012107,210,6,50,5,7,73,48,59,0.131,0.7709999999999999,0.09699999999999999,-0.4497,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,4,2,1,0,2,0,6,3,1,1,0,7,12,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,0,8,0,6,9,0,8,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,1,3,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554124293413647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281171160030453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17619644059167824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252576225186292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705186933392485,0.24159677103834276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18312544132838726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014787168633795,0.22270083610600555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27698984563297857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17502392399800198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734051252644139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6070878764919273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Coyotea-,2020/04/06,"Who actually am i? I feel like my entire identity has been taken over and just consists of past traumas and mental illness. I have no real, consistent hobbies, interests, desires. I feel like I'm just... here? Nobody knows how to talk to me or interact with me. Nobody. Whatever personality I even have is copied from people that I idealize. I want to just be myself, but I don't even know who that person is.",2.7076923076923087,5.211686115384616,5.004807692307698,76.54644230769233,78.87179487179488,8.002564102564103,26.41666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.5537897435897445,319,13,56,8,8,111,56,78,0.07400000000000001,0.8170000000000001,0.109,0.1431,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,1,0,17,16,5,0,3,5,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,12,4,7,13,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,3,44,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.2465125680202652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33369527525217896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25545611938336005,0.3609316810649219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776575549492727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468266219017558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25457316681398273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411464400061463,0.1751291378280003,0.4411415649184028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875274049213074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20303970622368125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899691865027193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jess6six,2020/04/06,"Recent diagnosis Hi people. I truly don't know yet what this post is going to be about, I guess I want to talk to anyone that kinda understands. I've had constant dissociation for the past 5 years, it emerged from a car crash when i was 16 and stayed with me ever since. I've tried literally anything in my power- ignoring it, staying busy, eating healthy or exercising. I used to go to a consulant, but she didn't help really, at least i had someone to talk to but I wouldn't mention the dissociation that much because i dont think she took it seriously -mainly I was talking about exams, schools and flings. I stopped seeing her after a year, in 2018. This year I decided that I had to do something, find another psychologist that's covered by my insurance and somehow try to get my shit together because this summer 5 years will have passed and here I am doing nothing. So I found an NGO that is about psychiatric problems. I felt uncomfortable with the idea of seeing a psychiatrist -its a ""heavy"" word isn't it- but since a psychologist didn't help I decided to give it a shot. After 4 or 5 sessions, she diagnosed me with bdp. When she told me that, i got incredibly sad and it affected me for weeks. I was reading about it on articles and on the internet and even though I have some signs, i just couldn't believe it. I felt like I'm incredibly problematic as a person, that now everything makes sense and the fact that I don't have people close to me because it is a ""personality"" disorder and so on. I felt like crap. Now with the carantine due to the virus, I havent been to my psychiatrist for a month and probably I wont for a couple of months. It makes me sad because we had just found the ""root"" of the problem and I had just started to open up to her and I truly want to get better. Living with dissociation is probably the worst thing that has happened to me. Its no life. And I desperately want to change that or at least minimize it. Im still trying to realize that I have bpd but I think that every case is different and that I'm not going to let a diagnosis, a label or anything else define me. I'd really like to read sth from people that related to my story or live with extreme dissociation and what do you with it. Has anyone managed to minimize it, to cope with it? Thanks in advance for reading this🌻",4.282732508672034,5.43199491576674,5.9379736893775785,77.47977158190982,70.68466522678186,9.240630931343674,29.79704169121016,9.573946990214177,2.7144303815694744,1838,73,362,42,33,630,219,463,0.138,0.799,0.063,-0.9893,2,0,1,0,0,0,48.0,1,1,0,3,20,14,2,0,24,0,37,6,2,5,2,75,69,30,0,7,13,0,3,3,0,3,3,0,0,2,36,26,1,2,14,4,0,7,12,9,0,0,19,5,51,5,59,44,6,44,0,2,2,0,19,11,2,9,26,255,87,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885865352264398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850619024720754,0.0,0.1394697573773863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066300670647216,0.0,0.0,0.09547443881921536,0.0,0.07494680332544673,0.0,0.0,0.10672871494425676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964507095111436,0.0,0.0,0.09157525250322164,0.0,0.0,0.0937646490356206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601064707587129,0.0,0.08853663393372865,0.09712088427636054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931618560426654,0.0,0.0,0.08671151704757946,0.07079049173877927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055970836832256655,0.0766533675106513,0.07139820954750324,0.0,0.07616002635390574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440948438881966,0.0,0.07745202321711737,0.0,0.0,0.185828947563015,0.0,0.0,0.08854767506513925,0.08129158741352688,0.14448132005513958,0.0,0.06777536783152806,0.0,0.09335210810502796,0.0,0.07493646163033905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360062925233153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956626255952352,0.09153515777637078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04657160845794025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866537320999384,0.05985529419779283,0.12420097260783801,0.0,0.1496562606421014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313096650410373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352794122387206,0.0,0.06229461419111855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131157358074446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089517021817916,0.17624686577663706,0.14798568862753506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115875146615209,0.0,0.18273093228156626,0.1621719805057732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542927302023437,0.0,0.10857490775806873,0.0,0.08367182154054327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576273105554884,0.13505570706128614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698573817987737,0.1401977766318622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180103798252435,0.06523800144647371,0.0,0.0,0.059980336227420175,0.1806459250947039,0.06767452058792138,0.07084753062666499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20433556799256689,0.0,0.07801841399733976,0.0,0.0,0.056298361720495765,0.1085976210236218,0.0832579079973704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097395435925947,0.09415071477871974,0.17260136321402944,0.0,0.0,0.08821869352047171,0.0,0.07318928473018622,0.0,0.0,0.14994786274958982,0.0,0.06797436832632725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21828250423519466 bpd,hmcarson,2020/04/06,"Wtf is wrong with me; vent, rant, undiagnosed, help? I feel no remorse for things that I do when I’m not “me”. I’m in an off again on again relationship with a guy I had been in a LTR with, all the while I’m having sex with his friend and talking to other men. I have trouble seeing how this is wrong. I know it is wrong, but I don’t feel like it is ? Guy tries to control me too much, says things that make me spiral, and just isn’t who I want to be with. And then other times he’s nice and sweet seemingly enough. I have a history of drug abuse/alcoholism and Guy tries to control that portion of my life too heavily to were it makes me start abusing again. Guy was talking to me negatively and so last night I had his friend over, which is also my friend I guess, and we had sex. All the while I was dissociating and not really involved in what was going down. Immediately after he leaves I text Guy and tell him I love him. And he says I love you too. And then after I put my phone down I’m sitting there like , “I don’t love you. Nah” In short, I don’t know what’s going on. I’ve been this way for too long; not giving a fuck about shit I should be caring about.. basically feeling numb. And then sometimes I feel things all too fast and intensely.. I don’t know who I am, I don’t know what I’m doing. Half the time I feel like I’m in a movie, like shit isn’t real and I’ll eventually wake up.. idk I’m just ranting and I’ve been looking into BPD for a while, I previously was told I could be bipolar but it’s more than that I think.. any advice would be magical. Thanks..",0.7748534866468829,2.5362477863501525,2.803240912462908,93.72204237759644,81.52225519287833,5.992915430267062,19.136591246290802,7.04035,0.039563872403560296,1212,29,291,15,32,408,157,337,0.10800000000000001,0.716,0.177,0.9854,0,0,2,0,1,0,44.0,1,2,0,2,17,22,3,0,10,0,36,13,3,5,3,54,71,27,0,4,7,0,5,4,3,2,4,2,0,6,21,22,0,2,11,0,0,3,12,8,0,1,12,10,42,14,34,52,7,38,0,0,2,6,35,14,3,2,23,193,63,0,0.0,0.108247174279128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927635820926279,0.0,0.09763651888462636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306090562876905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062128227634214064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506526771679565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314805076416632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049369893170305,0.07294387205010475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594909779335653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943997499454108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309729011512899,0.13053582383418508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21175453278095413,0.08446124856953457,0.0,0.08764125262583898,0.10384447947242444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064381752035992,0.4523059639516699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06123697275163045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20083721978714006,0.0744709469829125,0.0,0.09673750762683896,0.0,0.0,0.06453057600041133,0.17853637197538855,0.0,0.0,0.08085110866517464,0.0767197543916085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473690744360202,0.0,0.12196759751725113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716043065785332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573557787486676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184246954635954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398817461955376,0.05852783309081173,0.0,0.0,0.09808691484616364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453069672502354,0.0,0.0,0.07280243699085343,0.08317110736227537,0.0,0.0,0.1875603441199173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035780477022368,0.0,0.06466538503116218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146864111483701,0.07985304571642415,0.08411241246680795,0.0,0.0,0.18208743729658575,0.058540076787285324,0.0,0.0,0.10654600690103937,0.0,0.0,0.08729880933450851,0.0,0.12405547452329055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05388675072075447,0.07251765960084063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489983066969089,0.2996648759557081,0.0,0.0 bpd,LargestOofInTheWest,2020/04/06,"vent about a friend. IDK if I'm being too harsh hey! I'm 20 with BPD and I just wanted to vent for a second about how my friend treats it. Overall, I think I have learned to cope with a lot of the parts of BPD, but I really struggle with disassociation and derealization which has gotten even worse since I had to move back to my childhood home due to the state of the world. Anyways, a friend of mine (a past roommate) knows about my BPD and dissociation and now kind of tries to mimic me or just talks really casually about all of these real issues and its been really throwing me off mentally. I'm not saying people shouldn't talk about what they are going through, but its how he is saying it. It feels really invalidating coming from someone who said they understand. He started watching videos on DID and now thinks he has that despite admittedly not having any of the signs and saying he isn't sure when he dissociates or zones out. I know it shouldn't but it really is triggering me as someone who intensely dissociates, because he texts me ""oh just disassociated in the bathroom :)"" or a picture of his cat like ""don't mind him, he's just dissociating"" and it feels as if he's making fun of or making it way less serious than it is. I do appreciate dissociation memes though, tik tok really has some good ones. I think memes about what we are going through can help those around us feel less alone about what we are going through, but that's not how I see how my friend talks about it. I've also never seen anyone talk about dissociating/derealizing as if it's exciting or a choice. It helps bring the brain away from the emotion it is overwhelmed by sometimes, but it's a scary scary feeling at least to me (i know everyone can have different experiences). So it rubs me wrong that he messages me so often as if excited he did or said he could have DID bc the brain often doesn't know it has that disorder (that's it. he doesn't have any other signs except dissociating which if he does he claims doesn't affect his life(isn't that the point of being diagnosed?? if it affects your daily life????)). I haven't really known what to say to him because sometimes it really triggers me because he didn't experience this until after I told him how badly it happens to me (i also know people can dissociate more and less than I do, I'm not trying to invalidate anyone. Its valid and can be really hard to deal with) and suddenly he's telling me he has done it forever and is changing stories he has told me before to include dissociation. I haven't voiced to him that I feel this way, please let me know if you think i am being too harsh in my opinion of this sudden development. I think it bugs me because all of it is centered around me and the way he talks about all of these parts of the disorder makes it seem like its not as serious as it is. I'm still glad he supports me, but I am unsure if he understands that people wouldn't just choose to live with trauma. No one picks it. I've never dealt with someone doing this and don't know if I should warn him away from self-diagnosing and let him know which things are triggering, but I also don't want to come across as if he can't feel these things. I just don't think he knows enough or has enough symptoms to delf diagnose with such a serious condition. Please let me know what you think! I've been wondering what to do for a while, but today was when he started insinuating he has DID. Thanks!! I also hope everyone is doing okay during this time of world crisis. It's a stressful time already!",6.036769593727229,6.059937593172123,6.791241022794299,76.91226000069389,66.38264580369844,9.931082815806821,29.6641224022482,9.685265186389033,2.4876293168650028,2820,88,562,54,41,935,279,703,0.095,0.8009999999999999,0.10400000000000001,0.882,1,1,0,0,0,0,67.0,3,3,2,0,43,28,0,3,22,1,69,6,2,14,6,134,126,63,0,18,37,0,8,2,4,4,4,7,1,0,61,29,0,0,31,2,0,8,23,9,0,3,16,18,61,19,82,98,14,48,0,1,3,0,67,15,0,25,23,392,122,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05765115381000061,0.06142664780288315,0.1780580376320103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570690644263625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784317632600872,0.0,0.0,0.09910558684531276,0.0,0.0,0.10459638817476392,0.042802207680482526,0.04647714489822679,0.1357291185483296,0.0,0.047365994711184634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21032071385781148,0.12427894655959774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05888516920718066,0.09589927621529984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044443203251944584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05738717682570677,0.0,0.1694934741959336,0.0,0.05815707004197554,0.1275916153222345,0.0,0.04871197293995177,0.056963634878504074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261454822664836,0.0,0.1150316580637458,0.0,0.036765570739881966,0.0,0.0,0.10637874348763053,0.0,0.10890021642609213,0.0,0.0,0.1688724544456371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17202358426014833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949054631610837,0.04668835236072992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04922352312372244,0.0,0.04986404264628855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462085984865388,0.0,0.05583556658785578,0.055286947492835734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05809879152162531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05796552758976972,0.30591498396959965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076074422165913,0.07863430949158719,0.05438927249513608,0.0,0.04915236352275165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047323572767661866,0.0,0.0,0.11146852862884413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0560962558783735,0.0,0.056204808238243434,0.0,0.0,0.05916206092924235,0.0,0.0,0.08586307214867048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754387826611522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055745294409463,0.053137620794999736,0.11577130123698698,0.0,0.0,0.12220479167033067,0.05262050614332446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335785927625287,0.3209382608792274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589849017664137,0.1770651021922709,0.0,0.0,0.044357029774878,0.050674447699347216,0.058069729331410004,0.0,0.0,0.04604586572272159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149187097496274,0.0,0.11010630968545664,0.0,0.07879858223953627,0.0,0.044453370983528064,0.0,0.06376296506810525,0.05819213629320976,0.0,0.0,0.06316688830432278,0.05246269509029939,0.057856246691306276,0.0,0.2237032177494956,0.04865282087882753,0.05124796556873175,0.0,0.0,0.07396142411011714,0.2496708661802688,0.054689632661840085,0.0,0.0649162939572685,0.0,0.05276299741973957,0.10637874348763053,0.0,0.07558445300199987,0.0,0.0,0.11589644896420966,0.06695698147022296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566418117273287,0.13255056227814527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060365272477817825,0.0,0.0,0.05672640810600671,0.0,0.06085988498307385,0.0,0.0 bpd,pureozium,2020/04/06,"Abandonment issues in relationships So we all know we have abandonment issues, and that's something I've really worked on. The past year and a half I've used that addictive personality we have to my advantage and became addicted to self improvement and growth (there still are cons to being addicted to anything though, so keep that in mind). I'm currently dating this wonderful girl, she's everything I could have ever wanted. She expresses how much she cares about me on a daily basis, she has proven to me time and time again that she does, yet... Those abandonment issues are still there. I guess the only way to get through that fear is to just jump right in and go through it. But what're some things you've done that help?",5.497664233576644,7.104014861313871,5.515043795620439,79.92366058394163,68.27007299270073,9.859562043795616,26.838686131386858,10.125756701596842,2.6366618978102183,584,18,109,15,10,183,89,137,0.091,0.789,0.12,0.5065,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,3,0,0,2,13,6,0,1,4,0,10,3,0,2,2,26,20,11,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,10,9,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,4,0,1,1,0,13,2,15,17,3,21,0,3,0,0,14,6,0,3,11,75,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4727454574105194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189530753899777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737927788004995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541213262462427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649746800388062,0.14792575922373308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307545660915962,0.0,0.0,0.1299130295618876,0.0,0.0,0.1626599517172902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552187990927549,0.0,0.08215160849271992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592391148022637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688942226547907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4526207569521329,0.0,0.12848348295566828,0.0,0.0,0.07944139512539397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459552036733514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626154483390796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993747429505747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799019174616245,0.0,0.12621627159152968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260300893087753,0.0,0.0,0.15519357153387375,0.0,0.12344568005843168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079811563266393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128234608389896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308770733053804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603319589851383,0.0,0.1420205267873913,0.0,0.1685775862109479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248455674973447,0.0,0.0,0.08525986688260609,0.11473777731089825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675928653560006,0.10523477787652157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308604127109596 bpd,lenalater,2020/04/06,"Does anybody else sleep with almost every person they hang out with the first time? I’ve been feeling really good lately but I realized I’ve been sleeping around with practically anybody and everybody and it sent me into a weird mood today... I do not feel good about being such a slut. Feeling hyper sexual about everything and I need to fucking calm down. I think I’ve slept with 5 different guys in the past 3 weeks and I’ve been nearly blacked out each time because my drinking is out it control lmao. WOW. BPD symptoms are coming back hard. I stopped therapy about 4 months ago and was doing well but now I think it’s setting in that my abusive relationship is finally over and I haven’t spoken to my ex in weeks/longer so I can imagine that’s why I’m acting out but like jfc. Why can’t I give myself a break???",2.4459585889570548,4.7421817055214746,3.730364263803682,86.46278565950922,78.57055214723924,6.52898773006135,24.29792944785276,7.645422480735847,1.317859202453988,650,23,126,10,16,212,109,163,0.099,0.72,0.182,0.9358,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,2,9,10,1,0,5,0,13,7,3,1,0,33,25,10,0,1,4,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,18,1,2,7,1,0,4,3,3,1,1,6,5,15,6,21,18,1,31,0,0,1,2,7,12,1,1,14,76,20,0,0.0,0.173597705487114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129877746324378,0.0,0.14671478218351358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043045643920065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126618924740232,0.0,0.08931489862413487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18453198977174376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262107088722831,0.0,0.0,0.1643303455808245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307821551132245,0.0,0.0,0.12821728959697684,0.0,0.0,0.14353006941036872,0.0,0.0,0.1223954612804984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344619422075845,0.0,0.1316792881043766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222489368609627,0.0,0.0,0.16050130492821152,0.0,0.1246265811766034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13545184021561235,0.0,0.14055166301736655,0.0,0.24578162756087835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507404566086138,0.0,0.0,0.13124971153060244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652766239720148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158040089111463,0.0,0.0,0.129662201751071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694781075833804,0.0,0.0,0.10863988514399993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986626496047574,0.0,0.12793227012263506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386201163550176,0.0,0.0,0.15730353673432731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932439687395786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249408047104535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15228640289642711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675540118559847,0.0,0.0,0.1877632940903787,0.0,0.0,0.1708695164562927,0.0,0.13888019950476652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175264355734618,0.0,0.13173563464102275,0.0,0.2644161124517354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nostradamuswasright,2020/04/06,"My FP is moving out, and I can already feel my mental health take a swan dive My FP is and always was my brother. I literally can't imagine it being anyone else. He's two years older than me and even though I know it's objectively false, I feel like he's raised me. He matters more to me than anyone else and I literally cannot think of something I wouldn't do for him if he asked. Still, I've never told him he's my FP. I don't think he suspects, either- he doesn't know a lot of BPD. I prefer it this way, I know my thoughts about him tend to be obsessive and idealizing, and I don't want to taint our relationship with them. I'm happy just being in his presence and talking about memes or video games or shit. Anyways, he's turned eighteen during the corona outbreak, and once it's over he's planning on moving out. I know it's wrong, but I've been praying that it doesn't blow over. I can't imagine my life without seeing him every day. Thinking about it makes me physically ill. I know he doesn't care about me half as much as I care about him and the thought of only seeing him at holidays and family gatherings for the rest of my life scares me. I've pretty much alternated my time since quarantine started breaking down in my room or trying to spend all my time with him. (I'm pretty sure he just thinks I'm worried for him because he has an essential job). I don't know what to do. He's leaving forever and I don't know how to stop him. I know he deserves to leave but I don't know why he wants to. I donxt want to get a new FP. I want him. Side note: I don't know if this needs to be said but yes, I'm a minor. I've been diagnosed with ""adolescent BPD."" I know there's controversy regarding diagnosing underaged people, but if this isn't BPD (though I'm sure it is) all the things I'm feeling are still real and I genuinely need advice. Thanks. Other side note: When I posted this in a general mental health subreddit, the majority of responses were some variation of sweet home Alabama/incest jokes. This isn't an incestuous relationship or fantasy. He's a platonic FP and I want actual advice instead of disgusting jokes.",2.5699495167148925,4.260562113895219,4.4122403496891,84.56163824416673,75.92482915717541,7.7527796589300015,25.076709967370558,8.524219190627866,1.6624272732869545,1684,58,351,33,37,572,203,439,0.085,0.802,0.113,0.927,1,1,1,0,0,0,49.0,1,0,1,2,17,16,2,2,13,1,31,8,1,2,5,79,78,30,0,13,15,1,3,1,0,1,7,1,2,0,17,18,0,1,24,6,1,2,17,5,0,2,8,7,55,11,43,65,10,30,1,0,2,0,38,13,1,9,13,207,72,1,0.0,0.0,0.07423923161285158,0.0,0.0,0.14868123295563634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395179134396916,0.0,0.06330135165214608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638825868284076,0.15589776687599174,0.0,0.0,0.07112081895479515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046375242045746924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28744529152503884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512916647616487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04906274602263689,0.0,0.0,0.1544311390231691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710352314390122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050247500617340166,0.0,0.06409733678034962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171771090815161,0.0,0.11539898046250407,0.05434873134904796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03974658598400156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098434903440152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617305257702697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631046139450817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549372149041261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4599033644841755,0.0,0.0,0.161107063454582,0.0,0.0,0.10746950027452044,0.037166905725625726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467712057787753,0.0,0.0,0.05078134106062865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333349082604744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617135615327464,0.11184927159142474,0.11281882523491345,0.05867452461600078,0.07347470426141031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101848956854528,0.0,0.05785924926897629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052741540643490036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285980780705106,0.15479334557393373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659117780656242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335437207192227,0.0,0.0,0.07236572618678275,0.0,0.07616537804406018,0.0,0.12124549333209747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809095200760383,0.06293087853029325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058567044973437836,0.0,0.0,0.053847005908595626,0.0,0.12150883236607407,0.06360296790933019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340151673900609,0.0,0.057199707114181625,0.06114703156110912,0.0,0.07004058769469666,0.0,0.0,0.050541534224043436,0.1949857939690948,0.14948862730189946,0.1207917407930464,0.08872109027685822,0.0,0.0,0.0726939072547599,0.0,0.051650630908871634,0.08274887533969469,0.07431522746304843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22435806908573944,0.06038561191775544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864678460504407,0.0,0.0,0.07333457856738469,0.0,0.0,0.07725890173306238,0.0,0.0,0.08317719667387036,0.0,0.04899046935453102 bpd,cyansad,2020/04/06,"Separation/Loss of Primary Care Giver My diagnosis with Borderline Personality Disorder has meant several painful self-inquiries into my own childhood traumas. I have recently remembered the warmth that my auntie, Kimberly, provided for me while my biological parents were away at work. She was my mother role. Even more recently, have I been able to make the connection between her sudden departure with my intense fear of abandonment. My parents weren't so great at explaining things. In fact, I had no real semblance of their schedule, not really ever being able to depend on whether or not Mum or Dad would be home. But Kimberly was. And to my misfortune, no-one had the courage to speak softly to a scared little 7 year old boy to tell him that Kimberly would not be visiting anymore due to a family disagreement. It was as if all the hot water in the house was turned off, and I didn't notice. About a full 20 years later, I am just coming around to looking at this with vulnerability in my right hand and forgiveness in the left. But I'm having such a hard time believing that I'm being too hard on myself. It is terribly easy to blame myself for all of the damage that it's caused to me, and for all the damage that I have left in my destructive trail so far. That whole, being biologically susceptible to developing BDP mixed with an invalidating environment is right on the money. It's where I have taken these rulesets and designed them into my biosocial wiring. Emotional dysfunction, cognitive dysfunction, inter-personal dysfunction. The gang is all here. It's just us now. Everyone else left.",7.1104776496034585,8.310459777397263,7.820807498197548,66.36413482335979,64.23972602739727,11.763806777217017,34.5465032444124,11.520995432342351,4.536038356164385,1293,56,211,41,19,431,180,292,0.177,0.7509999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9858,2,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,1,0,2,1,13,14,1,2,15,0,27,3,1,3,6,41,37,15,0,3,11,5,5,0,0,2,1,1,1,2,14,13,1,1,4,0,1,2,6,9,0,0,12,7,28,5,41,18,8,41,0,3,1,0,20,25,0,4,14,160,42,3,0.2353432415950059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669862852338765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047526903421272,0.0,0.0,0.11055636125214252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257562104833753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997405980547535,0.12088116869878353,0.0,0.10136368195967699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486187202506816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829953988372657,0.13236473523003006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772099574926389,0.10644071783877047,0.0,0.1124402763785398,0.0,0.0,0.11093033158182274,0.13241328805511512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973337734656126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21082131834549886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803423001740712,0.0,0.0,0.13577725150608758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3835516808970079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793787748307676,0.0,0.0,0.09881452511490564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854672061744353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396992020020845,0.12347657152977255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521090099467996,0.0,0.2613208187963436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20549264094875985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339360660638535,0.07538345343693649,0.0,0.23237305905485198,0.0,0.13329900765201108,0.2009818424285096,0.0,0.0,0.1178098203985222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275716371870775,0.13293543760596052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285018316365167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817579617547335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861526837713154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279929331711548,0.0,0.0,0.14154447129487013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137616232456936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566634140282188,0.0,0.0,0.16718108650162064,0.0,0.0,0.15155333155591694 bpd,nativesadboi,2020/04/06,"stagnant for a month now recently broke up with boyfriend (cheater) and left alaska/job to come back to my parents in chicago. been suspended from a pretty prestigious university but in order to lift that suspension i need six months of work. halfway through already (3 months in) but im struggling to find the motivation to finish the rest. i know with the pandemic is should be difficult rn but that hasn't even been the thing stopping me. it's been myself. im not on any meds rn when i should be. i don't do anything besides sleep and wake up until late afternoon, just watch tv all day. i don't read for pleasure/curiosity anymore, just whatevers on instagram and the news. i don't really care about my appearance as much but i do shower every day or so still. im better than what i was before but this halfway point makes me feel trapped. i know im depressed/anxious/etc. but what can i do to feel some sort of normality again.",2.724972677595627,5.097548737704919,3.9148907103825152,85.10271857923499,78.01639344262296,7.3453551912568305,27.653005464480877,8.344100000000001,2.105795628415301,741,32,144,15,18,241,120,183,0.11900000000000001,0.8290000000000001,0.053,-0.8939,3,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,3,10,5,0,1,7,0,17,2,2,2,1,33,26,14,0,4,10,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,6,0,1,6,2,0,2,5,3,0,1,4,3,15,2,25,18,4,28,0,1,1,0,1,9,0,4,16,96,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459919819847021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996585127808414,0.0,0.0,0.14945688101168494,0.13120213354354454,0.0,0.0,0.1088683775864706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172749704080687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257419530287624,0.0,0.0,0.11700510615008275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488464102390502,0.0,0.0,0.11396133360962026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17064001658069136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754506770276055,0.0873802939456873,0.0,0.1114651288161752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378571683445992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091619383292054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5716097486149851,0.0,0.13128341696282558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541289953460226,0.0,0.14923570789390345,0.0,0.14374004646168573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830864131185552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469510886074007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167923370963459,0.0,0.09725281963474364,0.09809584547009156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296220408300916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689910840963755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506253002042472,0.0,0.0,0.13459264511575494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233185215082344,0.0,0.08475223787933688,0.0,0.130626390009059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239159358639466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056517971908911,0.11060542242806548,0.0,0.13830455701622796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789161774623425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631310073766104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fuckbitches-,2020/04/06,"What do I do I’m 16 f and I’ve struggled with mental health and suicide for 6 years now and spent 2 years in therapy and seeing psychiatrists. I’ve been on antipsychotics and taken off them. I’m now on Ritalin and they have diagnosed me with adhd. It took 2 years for that diagnosis as I had to switch from private to nhs (cahms). I knew I had adhd from a very young age way before I got diagnosed. I have researched bpd so much and I’m certain I have it. I know you’re not meant to self diagnose but I was right abt my adhd and I also have 2 best friends who have it who say I could definitely have it. I relate to all the symptoms. I have been told I can’t be diagnosed or tested for it until I’m 18 but I’m not sure if that’s true. I really don’t know what to do, whatever it is, it’s ruining all my relationships and I don’t enjoy living because of it. Any advice on what to do?",-0.04471009129040127,1.9401525181347168,3.0347002220577366,89.67454231433506,85.99481865284973,6.577744880335555,20.07130520602023,7.793537801064563,0.7995232667160126,688,21,158,14,21,246,106,193,0.052000000000000005,0.82,0.128,0.9490000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,2,1,4,8,0,1,2,0,22,7,0,0,5,27,37,17,1,2,6,0,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,1,15,11,0,0,4,0,1,1,5,2,0,0,12,2,21,6,21,23,4,16,0,1,1,0,9,6,0,2,8,104,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4682982908326012,0.1269244773746633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387091778222844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832789532255553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917816179983192,0.0,0.11052462237030616,0.0,0.1363088272265886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16358865058873692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370453077781644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5273319630524802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035069359923043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388283015030893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806424691841254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427654514037868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469296591542576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089596313030188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548219408238497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320920315219643,0.0,0.0,0.13945047327043325,0.0,0.11092314157858918,0.0,0.10329168464680892,0.0,0.0,0.10350345211222108,0.0,0.13550089984670907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357865263454432,0.0,0.14207574897106398,0.0,0.1224173502264624,0.1350027558021482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148537577328215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411298996135844,0.1443096957614462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717071918541757,0.0,0.10309858320716593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509297076256557 bpd,yung-insomnia,2020/04/06,You never know who's actively listening when you vent My CHIROPRACTOR called for a wellness check and first asked how my mental health is since I'm trapped with my family.,7.323437500000002,8.258084468750003,6.875000000000004,74.27000000000002,63.6875,11.4,31.625,11.20814326018867,3.690825,141,5,25,4,2,44,29,32,0.156,0.759,0.085,-0.3532,0,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,5,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,5,1,2,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292126240955384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35958442535709106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33197558955563644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29953852899089023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743188813603485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19353237807449994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548842773355662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715997158113365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913020401348821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31662505577470873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,JamieVXC3,2020/04/06,"I broke up with my girlfriend for my own sanity. I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years, we were in a poly/long distance relationship. At first it was magical, explosive in the best ways because I found someone who had such an amazing mind and was interested in ME. We had such an amazing emotional connection, one I will always treasure...but I had to end it for my own sake. Whenever she would suddenly decide to do something in her world that didn’t involve me, i.e: her partner Launchpad Mcquack, edibles, shots or even spending time with her family—I started to feel alone, depressed and then enraged. My mind was screaming at me, all “HOW DARE SHE DO THIS TO US?!” And I wrote down my thoughts in my journal, usually at 5 in the morning. When I would wake and read what I wrote I felt ashamed and disgusted with myself. She is an adult and allowed to do all those things, but in the moment none of that registered to me. I never lash out at her when we talk, I am too passive for that and I avoid confrontation if I can. So I journal and I journal. My thoughts were getting so out of hand...so eventually I had a talk with her and explained how afraid I am of eventually snapping. She was calm, understanding—she struggles with her own mental health and she is my friend first and foremost before anything else— and she told me that it’s okay that I wanted to end things. The distance was killing her as much as it was killing me. I feel relieved for the most part, but I also feel a bit sad. I know it’s not the end of the world though and she is still my friend.",3.3725401929260457,5.018794639871384,4.172854019292608,87.30229067524118,73.66237942122186,7.291112540192926,29.48180064308681,7.9765259561132025,1.8855789324758845,1227,53,252,18,25,393,155,311,0.127,0.78,0.09300000000000001,-0.8988,1,2,1,0,0,0,39.0,4,0,0,3,13,23,5,4,13,1,25,2,1,3,3,54,40,28,2,4,5,0,4,0,5,3,1,1,0,2,16,24,0,1,10,1,1,0,4,14,0,3,20,5,56,9,40,17,11,35,0,4,0,0,33,18,0,3,16,196,72,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317663213656076,0.0,0.10174147028207013,0.10586106272412564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469500929388856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755493806876533,0.0,0.10825876792483156,0.0,0.13351437332568325,0.0,0.13889631726910265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957836546240242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431105561388381,0.3380497120656354,0.0,0.0,0.08403065141188741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19298574817441727,0.0,0.12215557183633853,0.0,0.0,0.21643436725038448,0.0,0.13949521213792468,0.1965868277397287,0.0,0.06646960486790165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523380533053672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28151035005037,0.0,0.06991931544187173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125897714891066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821247782546402,0.0,0.2569211658458794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352472298422207,0.0,0.09812345816587524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621068463191182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377718487647604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725903332033933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659161279204418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779699456349777,0.09794371620324788,0.0,0.0,0.0900502299116855,0.0,0.10160173352478602,0.0,0.0,0.13300278008368682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20451663588656432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690447481774622,0.0,0.12499752800154712,0.20200424974994188,0.0741856900178283,0.0,0.0,0.12156856172433746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303553450383822,0.0,0.1401199277391302,0.0,0.07504036803089012,0.10098496926239801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807534176196055,0.0,0.0,0.08192847409836533 bpd,bzzfeeds,2020/04/06,"I think my partner/fp could be cheating. What should I do? For starters, I'm in a ldr with my partner (fp) who has DID. I also have a dissociative disorder so that's not the issue. What I'm worried about is the fact that one of his alters has a boyfriend, who is one of my partner's roommates. So last night when my partner was black out drunk he sent me a video of himself sitting shirtless on his couch with said roommate laying on his shoulder. And my partner had small bruises on his collar bone and neck. I'm at leas 80% sure that they're hickies. I'm not sure what to do because I'm not poly and if my partner's alter is hooking up with someone else while in my partners body, is that considered cheating? I just feel really shitty because it's an alter doing that stuff not my partner but my bpd is sending me into crisis mode because it feels like I'm being cheated on. I don't want to confront him and sound crazy by accusing him of cheating if he hasn't because I've ruined three relationships in the past that way. I'm stuck. Any tips/advice? Edit: spacing for accessibility.",4.336560606060605,5.193480140909092,5.362727272727274,82.73742424242427,70.31818181818181,7.13939393939394,31.93939393939393,7.0316486544052195,1.936130303030304,861,38,168,7,15,284,127,220,0.16399999999999998,0.784,0.052000000000000005,-0.9752,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,5,0,8,0,20,5,4,0,3,26,34,12,0,5,8,0,2,1,7,1,0,2,1,7,14,9,1,0,3,2,0,2,6,6,0,3,6,5,23,3,24,24,0,23,0,1,1,0,22,13,0,2,7,109,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17524034461695565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341107250815227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195134568034753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4372744689420921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19919650345408407,0.22586133185304394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318134758356682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20552905827509493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980818194057136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18135045652312706,0.1281142242604796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18717515062731316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617883922467834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761215169163884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829015558081592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430388849393969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17119189428542667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488414005952767,0.0,0.0,0.19253456463541424,0.0,0.0,0.17058500986754588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194671907774726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052912859735476,0.0,0.0,0.3380350123870144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490817318131324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577417085560767,0.14234473621200966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821195089022312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Cookie106B,2020/04/06,"22 Year old misdiagnosed Entire life: tell now.. Okay, so I am nervous to even post this because it is admitting something much greater than myself. But here i go. So, I am a senior in college (yes my graduation is cancelled because of covid) but more importantly I have had high functioning BPD for my entire life. So here’s some good news. Without college it has taken me 22 years to finally put a stop to what I go through and look doctors seriously in the eyes and say there’s something more going on here. From the time I was a little girl I was always told I had plenty of learning disabilities. Adhd, dyslexia, anxiety, depression. All of it. So the positive is HELLO there’s this entire world of people that experience what I go through on a day-to-day basis. It is almost overwhelming seeing how much everything I feel connects with the diagnosis. I guess, overall, I am struggling with telling people and explaining what I need. I am seeing a therapist, but she is not particularly trained in BPD people. The main issue I have I guess is I normally get attached to people too much... like, Social boundaries are hard to see and I struggle Identifying how I am feeling so it cascades into all of my relationships in life. Including my professional. Where and how do I get someone who is trained in helping in Iowa, during this crisis. i am feeling so alone because of this huge transition out of college and just looking for any advice. Thank you, And stay healthy.",4.3559975669099735,6.672083766423359,5.48585766423358,76.06606143552312,72.64963503649635,8.070316301703164,32.219586374695865,8.841846274778883,3.0639031630170317,1168,57,198,24,24,386,154,274,0.11599999999999999,0.76,0.124,0.3213,0,1,2,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,0,0,19,10,0,4,10,2,22,5,1,3,2,36,44,19,0,2,6,0,4,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,14,11,0,1,6,0,0,5,2,6,0,0,6,11,29,4,31,38,10,30,0,2,6,0,14,15,0,4,9,146,43,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468362377459485,0.10138027894549742,0.0,0.0,0.10388754335059973,0.10745050949713232,0.0,0.0,0.08632573944334257,0.0,0.0,0.07055145588692348,0.0,0.07936610156776548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18972945870709715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613312006012529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338163473285473,0.0,0.08935706086935892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618935769586688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852385506407503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932410323467511,0.1014843846655309,0.0,0.0,0.15737266360718816,0.0,0.0,0.1136496679162236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840695611911176,0.0,0.2358470373799829,0.08701798519549904,0.0,0.0,0.22857783402045614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293685267060543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953936634361943,0.10961430566698037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828481890822796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21983853037891551,0.050685499374749435,0.10398165830616664,0.0,0.0,0.17424254879707524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22879774659602345,0.07692701859710574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164994345832358,0.0,0.0,0.1088649290934382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877001755317828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936086071600134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429429883136997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138535428045254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250370628931353,0.0,0.0,0.24801856341667866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575690876977466,0.08790441949099359,0.1597388786301569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105804012382689,0.0,0.0867370615675941,0.0,0.21691759072295624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18135874293623894,0.09551621515156046,0.0,0.12045815786979952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604956570631907,0.0,0.0,0.09913461771365137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000831824861613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361921609340313 bpd,bennyx23,2020/04/06,"How did you know you had BPD? Self diagnosed? Doctors diagnosis? I was dating someone that had BPD and I fully tried my hardest and my best to reassure them all the time. To make them feel valid all the time. I noticed some of the way they’d react to certain things and how heightened their emotions were. I then started going through these posts just recently and started realizing that I feel a lot of what BPD comes with and it made me wonder if I have it? I want to know more. I’ve read some more posts of how it feels and I am a lot of it. I became very attached, I was scared I was going to get abandoned. & now that they left me I feel abandoned and I feel like they hate me. I feel like they don’t ever want to talk to me. I feel like her mom hates me too. I start to think that my ex put it all into our relationship, tried to further me for my own independence but I grew very dependent of her. There was a situation that added onto the reason why she broke up with me was when she told me she was moving back home, across the country, to help her mom. I broke down, I started crying and then I started thinking about how I was being abandoned (even though she said we were gonna be ok) my mind started racing with negative thoughts. I know I overreacted but that’s the way I reacted to it. I don’t know. I need some help?",1.6084531772575232,3.5466449456521763,3.086231884057973,91.84299331103682,79.6159420289855,5.985284280936455,22.57190635451505,7.010146845296331,0.5669575250836125,1039,33,230,12,26,340,140,276,0.129,0.797,0.07400000000000001,-0.9638,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,2,2,7,1,14,15,2,1,9,1,19,2,0,11,5,62,54,19,0,4,4,3,7,3,0,1,2,1,1,1,15,14,0,3,17,1,0,6,3,8,0,0,16,8,57,7,27,34,12,33,0,5,0,0,29,7,0,8,19,165,72,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895215456340767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070224391552117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958414595234346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34506734493058777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866963747267998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031780089065047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926944094902482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347647642963608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272994758473863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060320249239195815,0.08260998932575257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232417284142231,0.1957308710203189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04771429311918306,0.0,0.10380583567418804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803318951074573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242836909454576,0.0,0.0916078609746067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20076248193839505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922643924283116,0.0,0.0,0.13385244973035113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552849389680791,0.0,0.08641528132424857,0.060961104768276826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221366547954572,0.2139208346517011,0.0,0.09706554771051662,0.0,0.06771739463091614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397575197186383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17493096024460006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180829207365504,0.0,0.0,0.09135114959653952,0.0,0.0,0.09389878595270104,0.09017383722078597,0.09805041361888413,0.0,0.0,0.08687235357644342,0.0,0.09143369382694842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527338964232644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026547397791607,0.0,0.0,0.07738059232022765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3878479260403308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734047293633989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06067322561061996,0.11703658436554568,0.08972775905757227,0.07250298841887537,0.10650635777944432,0.0,0.0,0.08726632270073327,0.0,0.1240093095778649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507077473101906,0.10773339553057276,0.1449813469959284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240790299959083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903962342964648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,coolnarwhal88,2020/04/06,"isolation has become unbearable. i really can't do this for another 2 months (long probably-incoherent vent) so i dropped out of college a year ago and have been a shut-in ever since and i was JUST finally getting out of this rut until covid-19 hit. i genuinely don't think i can last 2 more months of being alone with just my thoughts currently i'm living with my mom. it's just me and her. we have a bad history. i'm really scared of her and being around her just makes me feel more ashamed of myself and more confined to living in my head 24/7. like i genuinely can't even look her in the eyes or talk to her i don't have any friends and i'm too ashamed of myself to reach out in any meaningful way. i'm so scared of people. i've always had this unshakable premonition that everyone hates me and secretly think i'm an incompetent loser. i can't even distract myself because even the littlest things remind me of how unloved i am and how much i've wasted my life doing literally nothing i'm trans (mtf) and even though i've felt this way for as long as i can remember, i still can't bring myself to actually take myself seriously and do anything about it. my mom told me she personally didn't think i was trans and i had a fight with her about it but deep down i wholeheartedly believe her over myself. even though logically i know that doesn't make sense. i just don't know how to move forward. for the last 5 or so years i've been committed to being the man that i assume society wants me to be + trying to be as bland/uninteresting as possible. how am i supposed to reconcile with the fact that i'm such a fucking spineless pushover the point is that i don't really feel like i can seriously tackle any of these things in isolation + especially being around my mom. quarantine is just further enabling all of my behaviors/traits that i hate about myself. i can't make my own choices or take initiative or be authentic with anyone and it's eating me alive",3.850244725738397,5.292836425316459,5.288291139240505,80.59944092827004,72.08860759493672,9.114767932489453,28.103375527426163,9.558583805096642,2.5258337552742605,1568,59,314,38,30,527,182,395,0.11,0.8490000000000001,0.042,-0.9629,2,4,0,0,1,0,29.0,1,0,0,2,29,17,4,5,12,0,38,5,2,7,4,62,68,31,0,1,11,3,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,17,23,1,1,15,0,0,3,11,14,0,0,10,5,53,3,46,50,6,34,0,1,2,1,19,15,1,5,17,213,70,1,0.0,0.0,0.09437414264802316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857267925061793,0.0,0.0,0.1001614738702999,0.0,0.0,0.0804697282130564,0.0,0.0,0.1972965369378252,0.10140793593253797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676212595610373,0.0,0.0795833588511919,0.1721832260273964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074806880070377,0.058952976924457876,0.10680761592084527,0.0,0.10895805181773056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895756481537636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193772812531773,0.08747892831340894,0.0,0.09240970069139652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779806540741467,0.0690890087847601,0.0928559133304491,0.10594010485974374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747172198701048,0.08940601549816403,0.050526519387853366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19096045228284173,0.09925144927394113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629759735385927,0.15766166740089704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830850568409988,0.09449437410741278,0.0,0.17079183500377956,0.17116904134826433,0.08121129708974753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936622492312028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397936286878395,0.15438458074091446,0.10278648089866103,0.07109232465721876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279500101977953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704592130104421,0.08444266616896998,0.0,0.0,0.0914213697870914,0.1090249927299408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858630001692351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955257134118483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364538388154395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999877663544143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772320215981701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542643293426666,0.07773112077916926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128498473297348,0.18590188167294994,0.1900324226255113,0.07677623224707925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240970069139652,0.0,0.06565913875124782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05704153977926476,0.15352638299742025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455499451742047 bpd,randomquirk,2020/04/06,"Manipulating breakups? DAE know that a relationship is over but have such a hard time doing the actual break up? I don’t think I’ve ever broken up with anyone on my own. I usually just let everything crash and burn to the point where the other person is pushed to end things. I hate that I can’t just stand up for myself but one one hand, I’m so afraid to be by myself and if I break up, then it’s done and I can’t take it back. And on the other hand...what if I’m wrong? What if it’s all in my head? What if it can all work out if I’m just patient??? Is it just me?",-0.4497940642035161,1.2639258740157508,2.1570078740157466,96.99797092671108,85.53543307086613,5.482495457298608,14.493640218049665,6.67199483983844,-0.7507972138098125,434,6,112,5,13,150,75,127,0.166,0.8,0.034,-0.951,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,10,3,1,1,6,0,12,2,2,1,3,23,19,13,0,5,11,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,12,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,2,1,2,11,0,15,16,3,21,0,0,0,0,2,11,0,5,6,82,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.22382142529160268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037323646385268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17636301336854535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23471402163630856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031441116599413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20746846401681465,0.0,0.0,0.20613319675654646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054607296307096,0.2264446563699194,0.2353886373474359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260497795118885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345352498388366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108393645088165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20026754540013564,0.0,0.0,0.2168185131405384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462458702119913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244952155919285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237601441569135,0.1469640692988487,0.0,0.0,0.13374115307891868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25260667792754216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669761781924939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507682031030457,0.0,0.0 bpd,livnicoletl,2020/04/06,"My story, need some help from others with bpd. I have been married for 4 years to my husband, our relationship has it's normal ups and downs but my reactions to the ups and downs aren't normal, obviously with the mood swings and impulsive behaviors. So 3 weeks ago I found my husband unconscious and covered in vomit, turns out he tried to commit suicide. He hasn't told me why or what led him to it, he really hasn't opened up much to me. My bpd episodes have been extreme. Between trauma, depression, blaming myself for what happened and extreme paranoid thoughts my mood swings and self harm has been awful. I went to therapy, have been back on meds and they havent kicked in yet. Everyone keeps telling me my paranoid thoughts are just my bpd taking over, they're not real thoughts. My in laws have been calling my husband nonstop, asking him about if I'm on meds and what's going on with my self harming, and they're constantly trying to go on private walks with him. They havent encouraged him once to talk to me. I'm feeling so alone, and nobody around me understands bpd. They think I'm dramatic and overthinking and attention seeking, these thoughts will be the death of me. I wanted to turn here because I know there are others who get the same way and made it through it. Please tell me how. Or just any kind of validation for my feelings would be helpful too.",5.385606060606059,6.503083318181819,5.3269696969697025,82.99378787878791,68.0909090909091,8.442424242424243,31.71212121212121,8.680891452615391,2.4577212121212124,1092,45,208,17,18,340,148,264,0.17,0.785,0.045,-0.9914,0,1,0,0,0,2,28.0,1,0,3,0,12,8,0,0,4,1,22,1,0,3,2,53,49,20,2,6,7,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,11,20,0,1,11,0,0,5,6,4,0,0,13,2,33,2,38,32,3,28,0,1,0,0,27,16,0,4,6,139,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186710905015534,0.0,0.0,0.10733569720346024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047607072113699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225806040116448,0.0968857208839682,0.0,0.0,0.07968972864572481,0.0,0.06317557675519099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5221039294988435,0.0,0.10582399859386614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199375726052826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926158166537727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902869106057843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480300588674864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363158427883982,0.0,0.0,0.0541455609247731,0.0,0.11779751584717528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164502050917996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893012521785073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211648680568342,0.0,0.10792100255476704,0.0569556650983565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806294034548653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302325863895007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618442439034444,0.07684482105805426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20308265829270286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036901546040946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113761266242543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796051855523568,0.0663919101048267,0.0,0.0,0.11126633755297242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162300135308619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133610225362892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792141512925714,0.08329873474148715,0.1811649587154712,0.0,0.11851686000556635,0.0,0.0,0.06640579892238062,0.0,0.3291018032568559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902869106057843,0.0,0.1407241559717839,0.2254525343618361,0.0,0.10788878739509963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112722991371415,0.08226147600170207,0.08313059148822567,0.0,0.0,0.09607166057414053,0.09351541940277062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362007947492306,0.0,0.0,0.06673822109493117 bpd,Ajdctx,2020/04/06,Someone tried to tell me if you have mood swings and dissociate that means you have bpd. So I figured I'd come here to hear your opinions on that I figure yall will have some strong opinions on that statement,7.91,6.309681904761906,6.928571428571433,82.7914285714286,63.28571428571429,9.352380952380953,35.285714285714285,7.1686216300943375,2.224771428571429,168,6,35,1,2,51,32,42,0.0,0.9179999999999999,0.08199999999999999,0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,4,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,10,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,4,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,4,0,23,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4855620038317036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33210027584295565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43452074554161335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41995559412018696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32665863069933704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369705355882287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617498137842915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,infernalbunny666,2020/04/06,"Anyone else feel guilty that your FP isn’t your romantic partner? I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now, but my FP is a long distance friend I’ve never met in person but that I’ve talked to online on and off for 6 years now. I feel guilty that I seek validation from another guy more than my partner, but at the same time I’m kind of glad my boyfriend isn’t my FP because then he’d be taking the brunt of my anger when I switch. I do hate that I fantasize about living with my FP and dropping everything to go see him. But I know that I have a good, stable relationship and I’d like to keep it that way. I hate myself for it, especially since my FP constantly hurts me (usually unintentionally) but I always place him on a pedestal. It’s definitely easier to idealize someone over long distance. Has anyone else been in this situation and/or what would you do?",5.942386363636363,5.703422102272729,6.694454545454544,78.41418181818182,66.61363636363637,10.221818181818184,30.66818181818182,9.888512548439397,2.6264131818181817,694,23,144,14,10,230,106,176,0.129,0.715,0.156,0.4802,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,0,1,4,10,3,0,5,0,13,0,0,0,1,19,24,10,0,2,5,0,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,4,11,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,3,3,26,6,21,18,2,23,0,1,1,0,14,8,0,1,13,90,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535234024069045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909060329083166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267995330305246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169578395718722,0.3179227023193101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457314602603516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765342721677626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592025297216561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943165960370246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688895121769494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986235325299102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817079510717495,0.13012578031158625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536150084277749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063412855653513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660827597664777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789737119199968,0.0,0.16155655805784874,0.08526200644324516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579456294930205,0.0,0.13699326136290346,0.2745916421372426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965510345031477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546404295509928,0.16209040878925826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656448788676467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362811750485225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833509653537056,0.1743861502402868,0.0,0.0,0.1314513448387013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166475044641207,0.12469729299057535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904645696303365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17086703590015803,0.0,0.0,0.12314452802501585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020845213032618,0.0,0.0,0.19981277111522794 bpd,imsomewhatsane,2020/04/06,"I have most things I want in life, but suicidal ideation is still present Life is going well for the most part. I have my husband, we are having a baby and school is going well. I have good days, but this past week has been a lot of bad days. I am constantly feeling suicidal, but I wouldn’t act on my feelings; I know I have so much to live for. Sometimes I’m unsure what causes me to feel this way. Sometimes, like now, I know what’s causing me to feel this way. Yeah, I’m going to wallow in my sorrow and talking about how lonely I am. My husband is the only one who shows up for me. My friends suck, my family sucks and I have no support. My friends don’t check in on me to see how I’m doing, and when I check in on them, they don’t reciprocate. At school on my group projects, I’m the only one doing the work. My partner just makes excuses. I hate being taken advantage of, I hate having minimal support. Work sucks, Everyone is fake and just talks shit about each other, which I refuse to join in on, which has left me friendless at work. I hate these damn thoughts of wanting to die. I wish I was normal.",2.9050537084398966,3.9467107739130434,4.10299232736573,89.74351662404095,73.86956521739131,6.976982097186701,25.268542199488486,7.285733465282438,0.9797698209718662,858,27,189,9,17,281,120,230,0.27399999999999997,0.58,0.146,-0.9929,0,2,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,2,4,12,21,8,0,6,1,25,3,1,5,0,33,53,12,3,5,5,2,4,1,3,1,2,0,0,1,11,7,0,1,7,1,2,4,4,12,2,2,4,5,35,9,28,47,6,29,0,2,1,0,14,14,5,3,10,132,46,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242812775700436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274344854572633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119625110365954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278198327844596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488694960888812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577659315384756,0.0,0.0,0.10435613403020214,0.0,0.2238887497402442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17104985534321634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18873651324965499,0.09284815162831184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32787379331070765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167334840829633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027359889894534,0.0,0.15637840963956318,0.054081405363851816,0.0,0.09774827918512996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411140119009813,0.0,0.0,0.0738917119195732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137569806378549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846044460836277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500235321448045,0.1683814916885161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987504489761534,0.10567367712234126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240643817486549,0.08821189907278681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362980986228495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21896611938501295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840349082311638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421710845999173,0.2512373440747699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17794956755695376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354277001856781,0.0,0.0,0.08788177238453819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058498622887632,0.17573369063202493,0.08879518309607541,0.0,0.19906142377500435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729712893171852,0.0,0.0,0.2417681821869221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,FluffyPistachios,2020/04/06,"Why am I so cruel? I'm (19f) abusive. I'm abhorrently abusive. I recently ended my relationship because I've evolved into such a rotten human. Our arguments and my desire to insult him (25m) during these arguments, have only metastasized as our relationship has progressed. Should an argument arise, no matter how insignificant, I belittle him to the point of humiliation. Point out his flaws. I feel after a lot of time reflecting I've come to the solid conclusion that it's me. Its all me. The next part of my text may be why I won't relate to others on this sub? I think I have an issue with self grandiose/a superiority complex? I feel that I'm intellectually superior to him, even if logically I know all humans are equal and share equal potential, because he has never had experience with discussions involving politics, philosophy, psychology etc.. basically almost any topic that provokes a thoughtful discussion, he has very limited experience in, if any. This is just due to his family, peers and those around him being uninterested in these topics, he himself has actually expressed the desire to learn more and converse more deeply about these subjects.. this is where the problem arises and it's all me. We will attempt to have these discussions, but due to his lack of experience and vocabulary we can rarely digress beyond a certain point because he will get overwhelmed and/or confused, then not have anything more to say on the subject because his mind goes blank. I get frustrated. I feel like I'm being deprived of mental stimulation.. I feel as though we can't understand eachother on a deeper level because he can't even begin to talk about his feelings.. he doesn't have experience with assessing his emotions and drives, he's very much your stereotypical toxic masculinity working man, never had time for feelings etc. Except he is clearly expressing a desire to understand himself better. He clearly wants to learn. I just don't have the patience to guide. That isn't meant to sound pretentious, as if I'm some fucking enlightened shower of wisdom , I just mean he needs someone patient who is willing to bear with him while he learns to communicate better.. not get frustrated with his inability to expand on topics, then verbally and emotionally abuse him. He is so goddamn kind. So kind. So fucking patient too which is ironic. During the first half of our relationship I was a drugged up mess fresh out of an abusive relationship of my own. Last year I know I must have made life hell for him. Yet he stuck by me. He fucking stuck by me. And now look at me. IM the abusive one. I'm the person I spent so long trying to recover from being with!! I became everything I swore I never would! WHY AM I SO FUCKING NASTY AND MALICIOUS? Why why why. Why do I get such an intense desire to insult him and make him feel as stupid as I perceive him in the moment? Please I don't want anyones sympathy. That is not what this post fucking is. I don't want you to tell me the first step is acknowledgement of my behaviour, and that I'm not a bad person. I don't care. I just want to know, why am I so cruel? Why have I insulted a man who's stuck by me through everything..? What would possibly give a human being that drive..? To hurt someone they love when that person has done nothing in the moment? Why would any human being have that drive? I need to know for fuck sake I need to know",4.265757456828887,6.575945020408162,5.518149529042387,75.76033261381477,72.89324960753531,8.380455259026688,29.27138932496075,9.09142767046562,2.7934620094191525,2706,114,469,61,56,900,291,637,0.204,0.69,0.106,-0.9973,2,0,1,0,1,0,84.0,6,2,1,9,26,35,15,2,27,0,57,9,0,5,10,107,111,34,0,21,13,0,7,1,0,10,2,2,1,10,27,26,0,1,28,0,1,5,17,23,0,4,11,11,73,12,73,84,16,51,1,3,1,7,74,20,7,8,26,326,100,4,0.0,0.3252184537541577,0.05357132451935262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05497118118089659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119950498121115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03838509509816019,0.0,0.04517536078985082,0.0488697603998626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04583650644824295,0.16732279465471747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710345651815164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05597091146531126,0.0,0.0,0.04728870289095715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0561784512181497,0.0,0.0,0.06366281982041043,0.0,0.0,0.12350294536504908,0.04862224032284641,0.0,0.12244881046272713,0.0725175922050335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867534677048467,0.214798283472876,0.05175178515964884,0.0,0.19430217995154733,0.03921826049464317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339032198194706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045070526212452,0.11472517751203125,0.052661980054196526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05876812324810456,0.0,0.059297927454112616,0.057297960923535625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433306778900924,0.15084913419317705,0.0447481911443495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038775209212579896,0.02681978685327616,0.0,0.0,0.04858191027988338,0.04609945721317292,0.0,0.0,0.046671267201733486,0.049546474495634416,0.051944647198863686,0.036644017487593855,0.0,0.0,0.059798671552853386,0.0,0.0,0.0553230281232153,0.0,0.05543008420323152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040355439405168635,0.12211576885795968,0.12701931031348612,0.0,0.05838333327544265,0.0,0.0,0.05267492741040965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03719946928180851,0.04175146417460863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944784776857675,0.0,0.0,0.14380121542895966,0.0,0.060260163717769676,0.15568556380323098,0.0618878551091988,0.052575926819984894,0.0,0.0,0.05252879095164203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05420393348516616,0.2357543279422928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0436561116015566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057269299324977416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930277031218883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04412394094052303,0.04798219302887235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03517563092467998,0.05393579372497365,0.04358190005943986,0.06402149127456183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03727130049618498,0.0,0.0,0.1142989385838787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059116216713216,0.1295181393062462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4953579253708632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03996549935868425,0.0,0.0,0.11699126219153383,0.0,0.0,0.03535171734849496 bpd,livequently,2020/04/06,"i think my boyfriend has bpd and he’s starting to scare me i (19f) started dating my boyfriend (20m) a couple weeks ago and he recently opened up to me about his bpd diagnosis. i was happy that he was open with this to me, and i was open with him about my mental health issues (i was diagnosed with schizophrenia in high school). however last night he started scaring me with his behavior. the entire night he kept apologizing over and over about seemingly little things, involving sexual performance and how he sucks as a boyfriend and it was all very overwhelming because he couldn’t stop talking about it. it isn’t the first time he’s been overly apologetic about himself but he just could not stop talking about it. i kept trying to reassure him that everything was ok and i was happy being with him but he didn’t seem to believe me. later in the night we were talking about an episode that i had a few days ago, and how my psychiatrist wants me to check myself into the hospital for 72 hours following a psychotic episode, and how i thought this was a good idea. he was immediately upset and started acting like i betrayed him and i didn’t really know what to say because i’ve worked hard on maintaining my symptoms and getting help when i need it because it’s taken me so long to be able to have an almost normal way of life. he started acting erratic and saying that he wasn’t good enough and that he ruined the whole night by not focusing enough on me, but never even asked me how i was feeling. idk i think i sound selfish but i’ve worked so hard to keep myself above water and i really can’t maintain my own mental health and his, but i really love him and want him to feel happy. our relationship has gotten really intense really quickly and it’s starting to scare me. sometimes he says things that don’t make sense in the situation and he’ll laugh or act erratically and inappropriately to the point where i’m scared he might hurt me. please help, i really need advice.",4.815344189489267,6.212148968911919,5.5605218356772745,79.75027202072539,69.67357512953367,8.830347890451517,28.293486306439675,9.23628265651192,2.3743237601776457,1586,56,300,32,28,516,189,386,0.11,0.757,0.133,0.9257,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,0,0,4,18,20,1,6,14,1,27,7,0,5,2,69,58,34,0,7,9,0,4,1,0,2,5,4,0,0,18,30,1,5,9,0,1,4,10,10,0,1,21,8,49,10,39,31,6,49,0,3,0,1,43,17,1,5,28,194,67,3,0.07623319800929428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449419880480458,0.13515226077455092,0.0,0.07633653594367075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126774941340272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941314980651054,0.0,0.0,0.0858887087820035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920260884461949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086600545864272,0.0843505836186843,0.0,0.049164106100875515,0.0,0.0,0.07737509128322209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753854392388625,0.0,0.05035130831272516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851348282576983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709159092961952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484391928295845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039828699550641264,0.0,0.0,0.12788157926122862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434549704943521,0.13657994338048518,0.0,0.0,0.16206464931765704,0.0,0.0,0.10219501139756516,0.08054455918982566,0.0,0.0,0.0750743440308083,0.0,0.081609215161453,0.08605800141573974,0.0,0.07956765271506541,0.0,0.06775956909452867,0.0,0.0,0.04189577195554544,0.06214023108697499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05384576223747028,0.03724368985977302,0.07640569158501867,0.0,0.06746398131938444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880343754615452,0.0,0.050886251631687855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365026670768192,0.08087137605547469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305190075309428,0.058795741932352125,0.0,0.0,0.2861587686130536,0.07469234820859418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368115901449111,0.07206501286596602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930216322441108,0.0,0.07527108619264415,0.08184592518405318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818710965005376,0.3052909207848872,0.07715206628160687,0.0,0.13879968069795778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568930860823483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539658210901777,0.0,0.32374949952657184,0.0,0.0,0.12746873406482964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792354819018485,0.0,0.18382007069296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129189874310893,0.09769431024546647,0.0,0.060520643888529874,0.044452190810358366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05175733736976931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290037214402637,0.08992863063987158,0.0605103642164883,0.06114967312743766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511164313292616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110997352167545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hellothisisananonacc,2020/04/06,"how to support my gf Throwaway because... Yeah. Hi!! My gf has bpd and I’ve been doing my best to be a calm presence for her- for perspective I’m typically fairly mellow and patient, so whilst its not easy I can usually soothe most people. I just wanted to know what you all would appreciate most in a partner, especially since I can’t relate to emotional intensity- I want to be able to support her and also gently nudge her in the direction of personal growth where possible (I’ve been in therapy for many years now and strongly believe we always can grow and should always be seeking growth, though I recognise that has to come from within oneself) I’m just looking for ways I can support her and make her feel more confident/secure :) all tips appreciated",5.062797202797203,6.881779755244758,6.066013986013989,74.72671328671329,69.62937062937063,8.836363636363636,31.88111888111888,9.339509955726095,3.1283902097902097,607,27,104,13,11,201,96,143,0.015,0.716,0.26899999999999996,0.9882,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,1,0,2,8,6,0,0,3,1,14,0,0,2,2,23,26,10,0,4,3,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,3,8,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,2,17,6,17,19,6,14,0,0,1,0,12,5,0,2,4,75,20,0,0.1697694987717326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576460683172406,0.2825236458581473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348991070773032,0.0,0.0,0.1912720890745566,0.1781626150152053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138187406399527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624139077310008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19096783576836868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584055958167533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330087666898873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425636214274046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332245871189425,0.17211962537805497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176967944749193,0.14823617801264655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19138960152920684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043508373357055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5779572460397435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19414621740400376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16679767057640138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18697711804293704,0.0,0.2002688979032196,0.13475512600528386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059938100256072,0.0,0.0,0.10932599109733776 bpd,PixieSuicide,2020/04/06,"No sense of remorse I’m a 29 y/o diagnosed with BPD about 3 years ago. Recently found out that I’m also a narcissist. Used to be on medications to regulate my emotions but have stopped for 2 years. Have stayed in a mental institution for a week, been on drugs and went into rehab for 6 months. Series of bad relationships and ONS. No guilt or remorse for what I did. Basically I don’t feel anything, I gave myself reason to “forget” my past and refused to face it. I don’t know how to love properly or show love. Currently in a relationship that I constantly hurt my other half. Hiding truths about myself by painting myself as a good person plagued with hurt by my past relationships. I have cheated on a couple of my exes and I feel no remorse over my actions. And I have zero explanation for what I have done. I do feel chronic emptiness inside the pits of my chest down to my gut but I have no answer to what that feeling is, but I doubt that is remorse. He’s constantly hurt by me and he want’s me to change. I really want to change myself but I do not know where to start. Anyone here experiences similar issues please share your healing journey with me. I’ll be forever grateful. Thanks",2.306709039548021,4.684809444915253,4.195,82.50077683615822,79.5508474576271,7.153672316384183,25.08757062146893,8.212053250817874,1.8113790960451976,943,36,180,19,24,319,132,236,0.22899999999999998,0.638,0.133,-0.9725,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,0,6,13,1,2,8,0,17,11,3,3,1,36,35,15,0,2,7,0,4,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,9,11,0,2,9,1,0,3,7,7,0,2,6,4,30,6,38,27,0,28,0,3,0,2,12,11,0,3,13,125,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422458061856103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402598157749824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221230740832812,0.0,0.09675554115574823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981715676100378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808363856756118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487609504718869,0.0,0.0,0.25411711553920385,0.0,0.0,0.13009629512973198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933779565506493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032170532493112,0.0,0.0,0.13635155260583026,0.0,0.0,0.13225787358635496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150124968200202,0.0,0.0,0.23780109005383995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891669650798407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861769156473152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776046146501739,0.0,0.0,0.12271944527608747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923407234871254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122349824491758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844607627579735,0.11848957995790813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938485373784068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244803782132449,0.0,0.10266337058090283,0.0,0.1290638225950081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532259432875958,0.1208883490590767,0.11609272898835775,0.3786998683747801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322133772247806,0.12532103424274554,0.0,0.0982993201426889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824875597940584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154845013044388,0.0,0.0,0.1386994751005598,0.0,0.09431287349755337,0.0,0.0,0.1089947058985156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143097843757047 bpd,monaro_1996,2020/04/06,"All alone... I’ve lost all my friends, and everyone around me just ignores my existence. I’ve never felt more alone than what I feel now. I want to talk with a friend but I don’t have anyone at all. I feel like giving up and leaving everything behind.. 23m...",0.6713836477987414,2.9268690000000035,2.326698113207545,94.1144496855346,85.41509433962264,5.79748427672956,20.154088050314463,7.1686216300943375,0.4508012578616349,199,6,44,3,6,65,41,53,0.061,0.688,0.251,0.8372,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,15,8,3,0,1,2,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,7,3,7,6,4,5,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4995175988231378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686177723835463,0.0,0.0,0.2146747354531743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304292759165298,0.21673018028305696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438654949562679,0.17227769540373827,0.23154193459362105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726239722528899,0.0,0.0,0.2313331709440255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25534315996232915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781376868902695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632438449609141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18598984058772505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19382733353005965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223658999172192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Cool_Motor,2020/04/06,"feeling like life has no meaning i don’t know what to think or feel anymore. i can’t sleep. i don’t know who i am. it’s like i want to do one thing one day and then something completely different the next. does anyone else have trouble finding and sticking with interests ,?",2.6530909090909103,4.708128127272733,3.503636363636364,89.53545454545456,76.81818181818181,6.581818181818183,29.181818181818183,7.554174236665415,1.761836363636364,217,10,44,3,5,69,42,55,0.09,0.731,0.179,0.4404,1,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,7,2,1,0,0,12,14,4,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,0,2,5,3,3,14,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301307107834471,0.16225437786013355,0.23776209412033544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432994438984389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14965270473585926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24244229650418686,0.0,0.0,0.20306804621154093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938475479049368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346623585779493,0.16577618059932794,0.0,0.0,0.2120890025219273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25505662921154915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16390339612536795,0.2267352897832621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527698895849744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24678723326809796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144854391847676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322170433583572,0.0,0.0,0.17864301122928913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416335022581734,0.14868792423013127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368687837101668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,z4nzibar,2020/04/06,"relationship help? please, I dont know what to think or feel I (21/F), whilst not diagnosed with BPD, I am almost certain I have the personality disorder. For many years I have struggled with issues of self harm, inability to cope with intense emotions, unstable sense of self, and most of all - unstable and intense romantic relationships. I have recently been seeing (or had, until this morning) a generally pleasant guy (23/M). Our relationship moved very quickly, by the second week we were exclusive and sexually active. But within the first few days we had our first argument. We would be really good for a week, then would have an argument.. etc etc A lot of our arguments stemmed from things he'd say I did that annoyed him - things I was unaware of. I reacted, as BPDs do, explosively, emotionally.. etc. Often he would tell me that I was being abusive and insist that I take all the blame for arguments, which I did. We have had numerous arguments which have ended with ""can you promise not to react like this again? this is the last straw"", and every time I have promised. But things got a bit more heated this weekend, and he left for real. Naturally, this left me feeling like my world is crashing down - what is wrong with me? what have I done? what did I do? And I've been grovelling to him, trying to get him to reconsider his decision. He's responded saying that if I come up with a proposal on how I am going to change, and try to control my emotions, then he will reconsider. So now I need help. I need help with strategies on how to not 'blow your top' in regards to explosive anger, I need help on how to identify when one of your emotions are blown out of proportion (felt too intensely). All of this may seem like I want to change who I am for this guy, but I want to change for me. I want to really see if I am able to. &#x200B; tl;dr - any tips on being BPD in relationships? How to control your emotions? How to control your anger and not have arguments? How to cool off?",3.721628937007875,5.681126821522309,5.0035687335958015,80.39582554133858,73.43569553805774,8.752001312335958,28.17921587926509,9.354420925462401,2.590029461942257,1553,62,299,38,32,515,194,381,0.12,0.792,0.08800000000000001,-0.9357,0,0,0,0,0,0,71.0,7,5,0,6,13,15,3,1,11,1,42,1,0,11,4,71,61,28,0,11,11,0,3,3,0,5,1,2,0,5,21,22,0,3,7,1,0,3,5,6,0,4,14,8,48,9,54,38,11,37,0,0,2,0,39,15,0,10,22,224,69,0,0.0747681303931465,0.08858800834071967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486948235467744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810112380431793,0.09085146220736208,0.05084489257577895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816274336133218,0.0,0.1883356856953652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372843041669589,0.06440612391098624,0.0,0.0,0.25157644769725424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048219258690480056,0.0,0.0,0.07588807849226316,0.0,0.0,0.08569075503758257,0.0,0.0,0.0765137563326007,0.08762769197678896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4205204158853232,0.0662223711714841,0.0,0.25015868835313426,0.0,0.0,0.06299537457924759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561002651545802,0.05341436729224271,0.07178913038600901,0.0,0.0,0.1271954670341866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039063262189639965,0.0,0.04249245153466622,0.0627119604238518,0.05979890407409665,0.0,0.0,0.14806440823586015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004620070319146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780385027603236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04109060910853883,0.060946005439844624,0.0,0.0,0.16247158488150132,0.0,0.0,0.1095837954778409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356519072660811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580314889654785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946668999844206,0.0,0.16631886390893375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05066482016881965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528464751806559,0.0,0.08207295472350891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510250121429268,0.09579675775449437,0.0,0.07382450866877238,0.3210919634022396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118917236523287,0.0,0.0,0.11916103932172585,0.06806609781532948,0.1559989326467736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816388378846846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056216329047009586,0.0,0.06535064150235698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14901787064090144,0.0479083989511433,0.0,0.0,0.04359789810162094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152530525593807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06169153792641136,0.13230054144401635,0.0,0.11994896851456045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933940388649334,0.08174721328716067,0.09085146220736208,0.04814822460373988 bpd,dannymcdannydan,2020/04/06,"New to the community :) Hi everyone, My name is Daniel! I’m a 22 year old college student (taking a brea lol)and I got diagnosed with Borderline about a year ago. I’m just now finally wanting to look for a community of people who share the same struggles I do. As I’m sure you can relate, every day is struggle for me to combat the inner voice in my head that tells me that people don’t care about me. The many triggers I have also don’t help. I’d really love to make new friends who can actually understand my struggles so please feel free to DM here and I’d be more than willing to share my number/snap or whatever. Also feel free to just comment below! Thank you all for taking the time to read this and I hope y’all have a great rest of your day :)",1.6650537634408629,3.7172791612903247,3.5896774193548424,87.73118279569893,79.96774193548387,6.713978494623658,23.23655913978495,7.793537801064563,1.1586688172043007,590,20,124,10,15,199,97,155,0.055,0.6809999999999999,0.263,0.9888,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,4,0,0,9,14,0,3,10,0,11,3,1,2,2,17,27,7,0,2,3,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,1,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,4,15,13,20,24,4,14,0,0,1,1,15,3,0,2,11,75,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.14202969160633674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901574054520018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23278254653010225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839153904944002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877273386474234,0.0,0.0,0.14772382858337035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262687500828895,0.1390732770901401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718257225727935,0.0,0.0,0.1594360488983744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244672956036787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164046215218885,0.16046248298800495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936986272219255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755489845246247,0.0,0.0,0.14455777002166265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222008229124873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135890433797373,0.0,0.0971515740869918,0.1475585045260432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811340947475107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527236680625773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20180340204763705,0.0,0.0,0.15976331639682256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558312241379265,0.0,0.09323904427762214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4564617420648773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717324894022873,0.0,0.2188615529795879,0.0,0.12721164054893927,0.1339971178861485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084867723016807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151616227199546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584546652588072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18745078856309752 bpd,poopsicle6666,2020/04/06,"How does somone draw you in close then discard you like trash!?? I can't tell if its quarantine bringing out some emotions in me but my ex diagnosed with BPD broke up with me 3 months ago and my mind is still irrationally searching for closure. Usually one can sense the decline of a relationship through lack of chemistry and incompatibilities but there was very little to indicate this would happen. As adults its a strength to take accountability for one's actions while also communicating their needs in a relationship. The fate I am experiencing now mirrors the emotions of her ex, whom I sense while dating her was shell-shocked by how his relationship with her ended. For some background I first saw her checking me at the local gym, noticing this I worked up the balls to break the ice and ask her for number. Obviously like many of you here know it was fireworks at first the way she just lured me, I was captivated, enthralled and intoxicated by her personality. I had never felt a strong connection with someone like this in my life. She made me out to be this amazing person who works out, reads books, plays guitar music and was well spoken etc. A big strength of her was the fact I was supportive and understanding of her work in sexual violence prevention. I even helped her with presentations and legislation reviews. Eventually all of these traits were eventually used against me as I became someone who was obsessed with his body (WHICH I AM NOT!), listens to weird music and reads strange books and had totally different politics (which again is not entirely true). Sometimes I would try to have healthy constructive discussions on sensitive political subjects she would get angry that I just wasn't agreeing with her, even though such differences were minute and really of no importance. We spent every day with each other, we would Facetime in the morning before going to work even while taking a shit lol, worked out together, slept over whenever we got a chance (I miss how she brought her pillow and pink t-shirt to sleep in to my house). We shared everything with each other: our past, thoughts, dreams, whatever came to our minds. I felt she became an extension of me and gave me a sense of security and safety around her, it almost felt that she would never leave me. I even noticed she started adopting a few of my mannerisms and characteristics, one was my awkward laugh that she commented on before. She always spoke about building a future together and working towards a marriage which to me was reasonable. She would even fantasize about what kind of wedding we would have, how many kids and what to call them to which I told her to slow down on. I remember having my deviated septum fixed and I cannot forget the way she took care of me for that week, I was convinced I would marry this woman when she came to my house with tons of food, gifts and a card. We even got very adventurous during sex, she was turned on by the thought of me sleeping with other women (another red flag). So I allowed her to sleep with other women as well. I had to call it off when I noticed she was get VERY attached to somone, I am not the jealous type but I noticed her blatantly ignoring my texts and deleting her texts to this girl. Eventhough she made me promise not to do such a thing on my end, which I maintained and she would go through my phone to read my texts to other women. Slowly I noticed some odd behavior, I thought it was anxiety or that her nutrition was off as she was vegan. I found her a family doctor who referred her to a psychologist whom found she matched all 9 diagnostic criteria of BPD. Reading about the disorder wrenched my heart when I learned what splitting was and knew how fated to doom this relationship would be. I asked her if she would do this to me, she reassured me that she wouldn't as I was ""a great guy."" Was I a perfect boyfriend, fuck no but I will say with confidence I did good by her. Definitely more than I should. I made sure to read books, DBT manuals and watch youtube videos with her so I can manage her outbursts in a calm and lucid manner. I - and now I realize, like many - tried to be supportive of her, understanding of her while she would seek therapy and professional help. She made me promise that I would never give up on her, and I wanted to uphold that. I did notice that the level of compliments and things for me dwindled slowly through the relationship. I attributed it to her starting her new job. I was okay with that as I consider myself more of a giver than a taker. Over Christmas we were with her family while she was stricken with anxiety, she was crying on the washroom floor and told me that ""nobody cares about her in her life except you."" We hung out during NYE and she even woke me up to have sex with me. Next day while on the town she really wanted to hang out with me and that she loved me. Day after that she broke up with me out of the blue saying ""I feel this needs to end deep down, you will thank me one day."" Which has left me in shell shock, it has also surprised many of my family and friends who even said ""she was an extension of you."" Normally I am humble to my shortcomings or what did not work in our relationship but I just can't really think of anything, especially anything big enough to compromise what we worked on building together. Frankly the sex while great is not what I truly miss, nor is it having an attractive partner. What's really hard to undo is the trauma bonds, the way I say saw her in pain, crying huddled in the shower because of her job, anxiety dealing with her family, her talking about her past with her father and her attempt on her life. The unadulterated faces of childlike joy and giddiness she used to make when I would make food she enjoyed, surprise her with icecream or her favourite cupcakes are almost permanently etched into my brain. I was almost conditioned to care for her as almost a parental figure (she called me daddy, which at first was cute but in hindsight another major red flag). I know I am not alone in this as there are plenty of men and women who have experienced very parallel stories to mine. Question I have is what goes on in a pwBPD's mind during a discard? How do you throw somone away who truly cares about you for seemingly no reason. I have told myself to stop thinking about it and move on but it is hard for a neurotypical person such as myself to undo the trauma bonds created. Its also disturbing to think that she can mentally flick a switch to juxtapose from ""I need to see you"" to being a soulless husk for absolutely no reason. I really hope she see's this because I do remember her checking out this subreddit.",7.2926084774681375,7.289038349168647,7.258452823034805,74.70675253420765,63.76642913697546,10.630932387675221,33.861574833004354,10.272044090617687,3.3498144569714405,5317,203,979,111,71,1703,496,1263,0.095,0.757,0.14800000000000002,0.9977,6,2,0,0,0,0,120.0,12,9,2,16,47,63,3,3,53,2,91,23,9,19,12,201,168,81,0,28,23,4,6,4,2,18,7,6,2,14,69,82,2,4,28,14,4,11,20,17,2,7,65,23,210,46,187,81,16,124,1,5,9,5,167,64,2,15,49,741,279,24,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03395586054870526,0.0,0.15343126363817935,0.039673349948880166,0.0,0.0918996200162808,0.0318735693907806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033413196484851,0.08791170380612369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304496776673066,0.03410036373045823,0.07162167312134969,0.0,0.03598964493514164,0.0,0.0,0.04670183042795258,0.0,0.06519098264873444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04254920873226501,0.09648985586514326,0.04276204214738375,0.11734379070308705,0.08762346750592834,0.1562216326559076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415444368339857,0.09881652122995356,0.03949169094321908,0.0,0.038879672370987904,0.0,0.08004300484187678,0.04390186900599221,0.0392077019311609,0.033521742782741136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861779416201706,0.10178294717422907,0.03958022453985351,0.0427211934433044,0.2024054344293972,0.0,0.03227436473804654,0.0,0.03442686426709067,0.0,0.14444553713420846,0.0,0.019368609123384384,0.0,0.11033898570079308,0.0,0.0,0.09774891228537587,0.09263926932056604,0.08400086319455613,0.029595035861318987,0.03541317837421959,0.040026493379458565,0.0367465004927523,0.0435402404891919,0.03212916341359594,0.06127343964261905,0.08446475868160871,0.0,0.03792885388843616,0.03387377232796123,0.0,0.06862910741706349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0453926644985475,0.051351261694062435,0.0,0.0,0.03804639231883244,0.0,0.08839970882957797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076025370949922,0.0,0.0,0.03988969012865586,0.042103831099826745,0.0,0.0,0.040560406945042086,0.04161946194507962,0.0,0.0811697495785537,0.07485729247591319,0.038392565447588935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03457256160125876,0.1449838385814194,0.051138958515365915,0.15534464186426666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03860332782964322,0.0,0.11603408841014715,0.0,0.030575396216596763,0.040713099249986666,0.0,0.08520999696353528,0.08863159235980209,0.036996067597614216,0.04073874895639466,0.0,0.037531639430835664,0.0,0.26166906030844,0.0,0.0,0.10382825065729152,0.0,0.040760168096798464,0.0,0.04253415803542752,0.0,0.07313461347881024,0.0,0.10034167777551233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042911363905071866,0.0,0.19158128233182245,0.0,0.12269867117788982,0.11815450534560913,0.0,0.2467571439295777,0.08678621295542388,0.0,0.036437673681971865,0.0913871444727654,0.0,0.0,0.06104967025469541,0.03487224390457359,0.0,0.0,0.039320445972216365,0.0,0.0,0.11500066321293673,0.0,0.0649129131698054,0.0,0.037885505033666285,0.0,0.05422621269589301,0.0,0.030591133513983095,0.032025439555505915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693814084409549,0.0361028483217936,0.0,0.057602524630274175,0.03078882366072175,0.03348103656497986,0.0352669172741477,0.04380612400486364,0.0,0.05089746288701709,0.0736346034336183,0.03763534277769324,0.09123179438151433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980875937234462,0.04255925363358709,0.05201437016379109,0.04166580888576326,0.0,0.07975556556496906,0.0,0.06616798054934904,0.04218852640335816,0.12642548501927253,0.045187613197788176,0.09121629829843013,0.030726674661814692,0.0,0.06888319155144038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22309715515680892,0.0,0.0,0.3809596763536343,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jjohnson9592,2020/04/06,"Why is it when anytime you admit to your FP, that they are your FP and they leave. I feel as if I complicate every relationship with who I am. Doesn’t matter if it’s romantic or platonic. I can’t seem to function.",1.6743333333333332,3.389995933333335,4.268611111111113,84.49625000000003,78.55555555555556,8.055555555555555,24.583333333333336,8.841846274778883,1.8393333333333337,167,6,36,4,4,59,35,45,0.028999999999999998,0.833,0.13699999999999998,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,8,6,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,9,0,4,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,4,1,27,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813086381988943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288323264791669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4792048941175558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4858894010841023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4120015356496672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4083728477546801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jeux_x,2020/04/06,"this may be controversial but I stand by it this is coming straight from the heart because I've done stupid things and hurt people and myself and I really don't want anyone to go through the pain I went through. I know you understand that relationships are a BIG DEAL for us. they are probably the most stressful and unstable things we go through so please remember: 1. Your behaviour's CAN be toxic or abusive 2. Your partner CAN be abusive to you and you likely will always try to look past it 3. you may be causing lasting damage to yourself and your partner 4. or worse you may end up seriously harming yourself. So please understand you will likely need a proper support system before you take the plunge. You need to do research about healthy relationships. You should have a therapist you can be 100% honest with. You ARE very compassionate and loving and people should see that, not your fears and insecurities. idk",4.822137254901964,7.286961252941179,5.002941176470589,79.37990196078431,71.76470588235293,7.827450980392157,29.568627450980397,8.648137234880735,2.516462745098039,743,31,128,14,15,233,105,170,0.252,0.594,0.154,-0.9728,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,15,1,0,3,15,1,3,7,0,23,3,1,1,0,30,38,14,0,5,4,0,0,2,2,7,1,0,0,2,8,12,0,0,4,0,0,4,2,9,0,0,2,2,23,6,14,24,1,12,0,2,2,1,25,3,0,6,5,91,31,1,0.0,0.31760173651208395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152175513392468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937152606088954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170202140584051,0.0,0.11404767245796756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768333295911725,0.0,0.11545296693807296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817663886957746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715683608571702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870873086523358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15081838655062066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234202290855928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882342994028356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434793888515279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365810029850574,0.10925043650785116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095829555729152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254948400188262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096520166841848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875963267710894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261488664722907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279445730756036,0.1858358163772265,0.0,0.0,0.29424425979427443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450449300876858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586155503698639,0.0,0.0,0.2877911104074081,0.15182721884005454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680269745879636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352823896927342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209300747186294,0.0,0.0,0.1007721251447197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561645081136258,0.17808405213210185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099598764312672,0.0,0.0,0.2790550548153189,0.1612187802251943,0.0,0.0,0.1105868612497252,0.07905299014907123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242449894702088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658564231235684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MissYouBitch,2020/04/06,"What do you do when you have been rejected by someone you still love overwhelmingly, and know you will never be enough for? It still hurts after a month knowing I went to the ends of the earth for somebody who will never like me back, not even as a friend. I will never be enough to join their inner circle and I wanted their approval so badly. Especially with this whole quarantine thing the rejection just stings a little bit more as we are all so isolated. Would anyone be up to chat or have any advice that has been through something similar ? I know it’s really nothing personal but tell that to my BPD",3.9041025641025655,5.993854837606842,4.504623931623931,83.60565384615388,73.27350427350427,7.756923076923077,24.52051282051282,8.548686976883017,1.6891887179487188,484,15,91,9,10,154,85,117,0.132,0.816,0.052000000000000005,-0.7698,0,2,1,0,0,0,7.0,1,4,2,1,8,8,0,1,6,0,15,1,0,0,4,17,21,9,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,5,0,0,3,0,13,3,14,11,6,14,0,4,0,1,13,3,0,1,11,77,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735859699097133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164663660005674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975277145290705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169254483075632,0.14299948109700605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869774932600594,0.0,0.21570281487440215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169033756514594,0.3539259446522385,0.0,0.11311920191205578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323192471241216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18334318604785366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28236900564725104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836716386202206,0.1716529548737004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545737380980823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367024330316689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.396271375625844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643338000686521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14954236830621478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097170205805249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511264388242112,0.13184849603159152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735455888083067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496935354960532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378114223778255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101678851962832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876477034288353,0.0,0.19121173743537287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166204831487122,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,beingnthyme,2020/04/06,"Can't stop obsessing over new FP I've latched onto a new favorite person....and I feel like dying inside. I met up with him once before on a trip, and we've been texting ever since. Within the last week, I suddenly started having these overwhelmingly obsessive feelings for him. I can't stop texting him, checking social media, thinking about him...It's severely reducing the quality of my life and I hate myself for not being able to date/hook up ""normally"". This happens every. single. time. I'm scared I'll scare him off. I'm scared he'll ghost me. I'm scared I'm too much for him. I'm scared he'll think I'm clingy. I'm scared he doesn't like me as much as I like him. I'm scared I'm not enough for him. But most of all, I'm scared that I feel these things. I'm sad that I feel these things. When will I find peace?",0.8733591731266159,2.9813680930232596,2.6122480620155057,93.35355297157624,83.18604651162791,5.682687338501292,19.439276485788113,6.937597516519254,0.20495633074935427,640,17,142,8,18,211,96,172,0.223,0.664,0.113,-0.9595,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,0,4,16,1,11,4,0,7,1,0,0,2,19,30,6,2,1,3,0,4,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,2,7,0,1,1,5,13,0,0,2,4,20,3,18,24,6,19,0,2,0,0,12,7,0,1,14,71,28,0,0.10025655377102777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531094301504405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405047434581406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359182031159772,0.0,0.0,0.09068779268192027,0.0844704705817987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027709038360734,0.07162330204622888,0.0,0.0,0.0916326738461061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886565393973664,0.0,0.0,0.0989825906704528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172247238736917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081416886701708,0.1469408640551553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474002053772619,0.0,0.0,0.19365680874037605,0.0,0.0,0.09823013621370408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676995774619512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754015567731106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8029944017761131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326136886779338,0.0,0.08293325730203432,0.0,0.0,0.10219893096403468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096210477678379,0.0,0.0,0.1676379362877753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321199894657298,0.1284807029485231,0.0,0.0,0.05846040274573465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041976005301893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,seekingstars,2020/04/06,"Was anyone here subject to gaslighting as a child, for being a little different? I'm curious to know if anyone was always exploited because they couldn't take a joke and thought a little bit different. As a kid I was always super defensive because I assumed that it was always about me and directed towards me, and once people figured that out, they exploited that for their own entertainment.",11.56516431924883,9.36695133802817,11.090704225352113,57.700657276995294,56.74647887323943,13.973708920187795,46.2018779342723,12.45797560212912,6.066573708920188,319,16,46,8,3,105,46,71,0.10800000000000001,0.7559999999999999,0.135,0.2378,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,3,1,2,4,1,0,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,11,10,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,7,3,9,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,0,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5278749208530967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29572666915820056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25781784628092713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308682739384107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4418780790620759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621727622731574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4238929586354058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22520650640368725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660527706603774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589976099912409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678819618292606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tuff-waffle,2020/04/06,"I just want to show everyone the disgusting behavior that can happen if you do not validate someone on this sub... My last post was removed because it was screenshots so here is the imgur link. This is what happens on this sub if you disagree with someone. These comments were never removed either and the user is *still* going on. Nothing in any response i ever gave warrented this shit. This is a fucking cesspool. https://imgur.com/a/b3gjHmR",5.280941558441558,8.462681948051952,4.561152597402599,79.50458603896107,73.67532467532467,6.966883116883117,34.300324675324674,8.07648339933343,3.1917025974025983,358,19,53,6,8,107,59,77,0.15,0.835,0.016,-0.9013,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,0,5,3,3,0,4,0,9,2,1,0,2,11,15,4,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,1,1,0,3,2,3,0,0,4,0,5,0,6,11,1,12,0,0,0,1,4,4,2,2,4,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629595205687748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803376006685313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23450255931437586,0.0,0.2477203566094244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396684533823503,0.0,0.0,0.14733529404885246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4585001966374464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113198299527813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19994625011455047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487532214930312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482856989541581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661119646726156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43931604612128816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20703393462832276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290981866566836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,88throwaccount,2020/04/06,Am I overreacting? This isn't about anything in general just how I normally feel. Whenever something upsets me I can't tell if I'm overreacting because of BPD or if what I'm feeling is valid. I'm so tired of having to go to a third party to see if my emotions are valid. I can't even be angry at someone for harming me without taking a step back and analyzing what's upsetting me and why. I just want to feel emotions like a normal human and know that what I'm feeling is okay. IDK if that makes sense to anyone else.,3.244166666666665,4.383645268518521,5.299074074074074,81.11583333333336,73.16666666666666,7.992592592592592,29.24074074074073,8.472884824447931,2.164885185185186,411,17,83,7,8,143,69,108,0.138,0.733,0.129,-0.6088,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,3,1,9,1,0,2,0,22,23,10,0,7,8,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,0,5,9,2,12,22,0,5,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,5,2,54,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348469272905876,0.1976001402312876,0.1587011462698462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829164120421995,0.0,0.1175610724275322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24289092804154466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16110348788449133,0.4338661308829848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737723403255727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3900480026773249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096024999182556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598667101580483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421797284868863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873051764358995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.377908937702931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367844559243432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340326742461167,0.14846724916706508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500105259290255,0.0,0.1685615543757611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216555383126507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374938025540207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17401935301836136,0.0,0.0,0.18590289391693907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,biiiiigsuuuuuuuuc,2020/04/06,How do I give my FP space? My FP has been very busy with family and university studies recently. He clearly needs space but I can’t give it to him. When I’m not talking to him I want to die. I’m worried I’m gonna ruin our friendship/ relationship in general if I keep up my behavior but I physically don’t know how to stop. Please help,-0.09458333333333258,2.1419042638888897,3.0994444444444436,87.09000000000002,89.69444444444444,7.088888888888889,23.277777777777786,8.167268648758528,1.6457944444444443,265,11,59,7,9,95,50,72,0.205,0.6709999999999999,0.124,-0.8537,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,15,15,7,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,11,0,7,13,0,7,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,1,3,32,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727812012577225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477774168108661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5042705035863427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761727392202036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233619796749652,0.0,0.0,0.14444722508890054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948887989477512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288513867812056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25951782297964715,0.28218639318102834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197418028339078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21125679185811874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21686637551169816,0.15502687437956073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669216690641321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,itsthatguy1596,2020/04/06,Not sure how to handle how I feel anymore So I’ve never posted on here before so here it goes.. I’m gay 23 and spent most of my childhood in cps with very abusive foster family’s. I have two best friends and they try to be there for me when they can.. I know they care about me but I can’t help but feel like I’m alone most of the time. They say they try to understand me but I can’t even find the words to express how I feel half of the time. I’m scared I’ll only end up dragging them down with me and one day they will realize I’m more of a problem then I’m worth. Part of me already knows that I’ll always be alone,-0.8727857142857154,1.0192806500000025,1.3082142857142856,101.26803571428572,88.92857142857143,4.357142857142857,15.892857142857142,5.602791699666715,-0.943857142857143,481,10,123,3,16,160,86,140,0.11900000000000001,0.77,0.111,-0.2835,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,7,1,11,7,0,1,4,0,7,1,0,3,2,26,20,13,0,1,4,0,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,8,0,2,0,4,2,0,3,1,4,19,5,17,16,5,13,0,0,0,1,11,4,0,2,9,76,21,0,0.0,0.20562591438507574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594866255119676,0.1915144526677284,0.0,0.14440577765776344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211290957789116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476765032219334,0.0,0.18212784202656868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17694367764445487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111924055466579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371195131187074,0.0,0.0,0.11462676882287327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16360553993281415,0.0,0.26325313882987184,0.12398267351856873,0.0,0.0,0.15861966092770274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408269767236444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632551704082612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19075480369952696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847867507464164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385085996952675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760056659474882,0.13199101863250087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18793549250558328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662109407108638,0.0,0.0,0.16606192770258502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801227702399754,0.17375175031791232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356686706939294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20239438340081628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356553005027928,0.0,0.1695311068962184,0.18066951220209784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319521494546406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,globularity,2020/04/06,"Forgiving myself for manic actions I like to think I'm an insightful person but sometimes I can just feel myself getting extremely manic. I recognise that I am acting manic when I feel invincible and frantically careless. In these times, life it's self feels meaningless and very hilarious. 2 months ago, I went to the states (I'm from Canada) to meet a sugar daddy for an agreed amount of money. It was the stupidest thing I've ever done, I put myself in a lot of danger, had unprotected sex after he insisted on it and I figured i wasn't worth the argument, and of course he didn't pay me. Now you see, I feel radically stupid for this event. In the moment I figured I wouldnt be able to amount to anything in my actual career and that sugaring was a viable option and that if I died in the process it wouldn't matter because I often consider suicide anyways. So it's all over, I have herpes now and this disgusting man is constantly coming up in my subconscious. I did this to myself. I have no idea why I chose to do this but I don't trust myself and don't know how to go forward with this much self-hatred. I am constantly putting myself in situations that are emotionally traumatizing and then when I get back to a normal, rational state Im mortified at my lack of self respect. How can I move on and trust myself? I just don't know, I feel like I'm one more stupid decision away from killing myself.",4.418763440860211,5.639797498207887,5.922184587813621,77.44994354838713,70.4336917562724,9.164229390681003,28.286917562724014,9.516144504307137,2.5777984229390682,1118,40,211,25,20,380,155,279,0.243,0.672,0.085,-0.9951,0,0,0,0,0,2,25.0,0,1,0,0,13,13,5,1,11,0,22,4,0,2,2,43,39,19,3,5,5,0,5,2,0,2,1,0,0,4,16,12,2,0,14,0,3,9,8,7,0,1,8,8,37,6,33,28,7,39,0,0,1,1,9,14,0,4,18,153,53,2,0.13340022616869213,0.0,0.1301793775266733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825125158947833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977701970092583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533390375240253,0.10257653961918077,0.0,0.08131953969630065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491248278105838,0.0,0.2883165063795658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844837358355772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651474693983706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005729926021175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066814187666255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372558128960338,0.09530114822953918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139392224563704,0.0,0.07581442274108617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059261781311678,0.14409513585592965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475875853678249,0.0,0.1466265511700117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422452485632844,0.1303452244006506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341210185139045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647878781545496,0.14178332884516298,0.0980645154607374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070389809545144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039544567689473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647993200391152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682081453784756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630270887094252,0.0,0.4174965882066855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994744346398442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193623471578728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459181956957052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862518269100804,0.0854774784638492,0.0,0.0,0.07778674465516577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100691573910491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366334613805335,0.1203729550393848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wildmind_silentlips,2020/04/06,"I'm scared and I want to die. That's all. There's a million things I could scream here. But I feel like someone has popped me like a balloon and I am completely deflated. I guess I just wanted to say this ""out loud"" (not really out loud, but somewhere that isn't in my head). I want to die. And I don't know what to do about it. I wish I could say sorry to the people I love and them quietly leave. I'm so scared.",-0.9897902097902076,0.9760419890109908,1.3814185814185826,99.89312687312687,90.64835164835164,5.067332667332668,15.965034965034967,6.574015621080383,-0.5182835164835162,315,7,80,4,11,106,57,91,0.196,0.637,0.16699999999999998,-0.4118,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,2,3,0,7,2,1,0,1,20,17,7,2,6,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,6,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,7,14,3,9,15,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,2,52,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19647124296642365,0.0,0.0,0.2992258407307103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3889553294852695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474827506487808,0.1338689958953304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064274219717312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19231267156910853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298275278618678,0.0,0.0,0.19841531054144806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18309521589644534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912368644678016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991024652575353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004462863388453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980346272927188,0.3752132727905963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587720241834427,0.0,0.0,0.2097639123402725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449130402196028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315763442936289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21548529617473147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Richi4k,2020/04/06,I met a nice girl who i'd like to become friends with but knowing she has BPD is making me stay distant i met this girl last year. we went out once since and have been texting every now and then. we were staying at the same hospital the first time we met and we got to know each others during our stay. she's diagnosed with BPD. i think i have a good understanding of what BPD is but i'm not really sure what to expect from her if we become closer friends.,1.5167708333333323,3.413581302083333,2.9512500000000017,92.90208333333337,79.72916666666666,5.933333333333334,20.041666666666664,6.937597516519254,0.20565416666666714,359,9,80,4,9,117,67,96,0.027999999999999997,0.831,0.141,0.873,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,6,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,4,0,7,1,0,1,1,24,18,7,0,2,4,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,5,12,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,0,14,6,9,11,2,13,0,0,0,0,17,3,0,1,7,51,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33165433612594186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5673201552206371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523975176227445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650654619712154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277161961008929,0.0,0.0,0.23200864226349005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593739733211415,0.12008743294748266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503532439252044,0.12239102797946748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335494908775031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022525726541057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15990320048002898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618894277037687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242043506315952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4801148140789912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151313855868305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620906496108858,0.0,0.0,0.0875527695029698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630983323009015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918911876808998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669067992412524 bpd,kiwiflower33,2020/04/06,Ups and downs Anybody else get ups and downs very often? My mood is always either sad or angry or anxious it lasts a couple of days and then goes away and I become normal. It is really anoying! And... is it normal for someone with bpd?,0.7253900709219891,3.1908811489361746,2.77989361702128,89.0841666666667,88.57446808510639,3.984397163120569,16.343971631205672,5.46131890053228,-0.4152666666666667,182,4,34,1,6,61,35,47,0.177,0.823,0.0,-0.8423,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,12,4,8,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,8,4,1,8,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,3,3,27,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21790079105095267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295843955923219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460399713901705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892201143987751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298221116002252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897594574668545,0.0,0.16888756543798247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21876277137504208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368187613920409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134628934877746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.513163356205957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776368647495324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218856469400271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21607411502105048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tiredchild777,2020/04/06,"Medication for BPD? I’m on 10mg of lexapro has anyone had any success stories with this? I’m diagnosed BPD it’s ruined my life I have body dismorphia, I’m insecure mostly that’s the root of it. I don’t know who I am. I could go on and on.",-2.506666666666668,-1.027109814814816,1.3752592592592627,94.8206666666667,110.11111111111113,5.122962962962963,18.362962962962968,6.742157984588678,0.4175096296296301,186,7,45,4,10,68,40,54,0.125,0.8009999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.3736,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,6,4,1,1,0,6,11,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,7,9,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,26,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19361227020331445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19907555065316493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162481482688767,0.7171634715017177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273174240248796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889742197086212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618070093445369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564689334663092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20109878862996486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868149380626981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Bofumaga,2020/04/06,"I don't know what to feel anymore In this text I will talk about suicidial thoughts, self harming, eating disorders and substance abuse. I (M17) have been in a relationship for almost 3 years with my girlfriend (F18). I love her with all my heart. She was diagnosed with BPD 2 years ago, when she tried to kill herself in school. Ever since I've known her, she's been self-harming. She has made an enormous step and has kinda quitted on doing it ""on purpose"" when she is stressed, but she refuses to throw away her old razors. This doesn't exclude that she sometimes scrathes her back or her legs or arms in a really violent way (literally 5 mins ago). She has also been that kind of girl who is small. Like, 155cm/5' and 40Kg/88 pounds. Since we've been together, she has kinda quitted on her food strikes and doing her purges. But she has been losing weight again in the last 6 months or so. It was obvious that she had problems. I never doubted it. But I never knew they were so serious and deep. She had been drinking and smoking since she was fucking 6-7 or so because her fathers left her to finish the cigarrettes and the drinks they were having. She became addicted, specially on drinking alcohol. The alcohol was her way out. ""Im feeling low? Give it a drink."" Nowadays, the alcohol theme seems relaxed (maybe because of the global pandemia and stuff) but I'm afraid. I started noticing she had problems with substances when she would literally call me everyday about a year and a half, completely drunk, just to tell me to come to her house and take care of her. I did it everyday I could. If I was in an activity, I made up an excuse and go. If I was studying for exams, I would say ""fuck it"" and go. I didn't want her to feel lonely or sad or worthless. When I arrived, she was usually on her room, crying (always crying) because she had harmed herself again, or thought that I hated her for no reason, or whatever.Sometimes it wasn't in her house. Maybe she was with some friends, they started up drinking, they offered her some and when she started crying, they would dump her for being annoying. This happened about 4-5 times I think, but these were devastating. She cutted off her relationship with her best friend at the moment because of this (ngl, this girl was really an asshole, she literally told her to JUMP OFF HER WINDOW because she was always annoying). She also is one of the most manipulative persons I've ever known if not the most. With everyone. No exception. She was a really social girl when I first met her. But, with time, she broke relationships with everyone because they didn't do what she wanted to. In some point of their friendship, she asked them something where they couldn't escape. Things that were really nonsenses. I am not an exception. And, hell if I don't do whatever she wants, even though it's something she wouldn't do, she will get reaaaaaally mad. She doesn't mind on hitting you, hurting you in every way or whatever. But, after the storm comes the calm. The ""I am so sorry"". ""I hate myself"" ""I am an idiot"" ""I want to kill myself"". You feel that. You really feel she is being as sincere as she can. And you pound your heart in her and say ""I am here, you are worth living, I love you"".She is lovely. She will tell you how much she loves you, and how she talks to everyone she knows about how much she misses me, and loves me, and... it tears again. A bad day, a bad moment, a bad feeling, a bad memory. It triggers again. Sometimes it's a memory for something that happened this morning. Or last one. Or last year. Or 10 years ago. It is hard to admit it as her boyfriend but her life is really fucked up. I mean, there are things she doesn't want to even tell me. At least when she is sober. Because when she drinks, she speaks of whatever you want to talk with her, even if you dont want to because, well, maybe it's too private. And she confesses you things. Things that I will not comment because I consider that they are more than private and I would feel this as disrespecting her. The thing is (if anyone is even reading this) I don't know what to do. I'm starting to feel that this is escaping out of my hands. I've read a couple books about BPD. Ngl, it's one of a personality disorder. And I don't feel myself sometimes as big as I can go against it. I'm writing this on reddit because I don't want to talk to her about this, because I don't want to worry her, but fuck, this is a massive chaos. I don't even find a meaning in this text. Exctract whatever message you want to out of this, I'm just using this as a way to de-stress and clear my mind. If you want to comment me anything, feel free to do it, I will be grateful if you try to help or even care with my situation, my girls situation or just stop by and said ""Hey man, I've read it"". Also, if annyone has felt bad for something that I've said, I am so sorry, really, I'm trying to talk about the subject as respectfully as I can. Take care everyone <3",3.2662627161749747,4.95179078331638,4.243223677517804,86.52615799847408,74.02543234994913,7.315813835198373,26.52961597151577,8.035081973570634,1.5667436520854519,3872,140,788,59,80,1253,354,983,0.175,0.727,0.098,-0.9979,0,2,13,0,1,1,170.0,0,15,10,5,48,57,16,3,36,0,93,30,5,9,7,156,170,85,2,29,40,1,14,1,3,10,6,5,2,8,55,40,13,2,27,12,2,8,23,37,1,5,39,19,155,21,105,115,11,98,2,8,0,9,152,39,5,33,48,564,210,6,0.0,0.048467893592178464,0.0,0.04459447281639279,0.0,0.0,0.10878428556146724,0.1311508528381951,0.04096227211826838,0.0,0.0,0.09813950959954504,0.06807550387355503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04056857430741675,0.02860300027976955,0.0,0.03366282808487106,0.0,0.03824235549386898,0.0,0.03843330477286877,0.03145482021782675,0.17077743371613938,0.2743006014751339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04292918474753055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304141773663864,0.0,0.041770437759925616,0.0,0.12512169050569746,0.0,0.0,0.0704752080754812,0.042890023392118864,0.0,0.0,0.032660767842395785,0.045262619226957165,0.13480266565163387,0.026381515321071584,0.0,0.0,0.041519562096162775,0.0,0.0,0.09376552142409847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04794248939567811,0.24043866635009606,0.0,0.041857890143921835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211141627950834,0.0740051228641738,0.034465760875481394,0.1563528814392223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20683717741786856,0.0,0.039276963076556315,0.0,0.03738809318106702,0.03479532093051182,0.04946469016504031,0.0,0.06320901665308841,0.15127078690385978,0.021372125535195845,0.03924155004361572,0.0697448669869127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234753318814198,0.0,0.036644476576572944,0.08077403327781574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096949559367382,0.027418979747034784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440195804662103,0.04379159779097783,0.0,0.04418638617990637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051467287477144,0.04259815901970615,0.06744395682485482,0.10003355629688336,0.0,0.0,0.04444538056156745,0.0,0.028893697335367664,0.019985006391305942,0.0,0.0361214722714973,0.0,0.0,0.04576426898839802,0.0,0.0,0.1846000146979122,0.07741404597603001,0.0,0.0,0.12328919942796678,0.08911904033490821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260845569970582,0.0,0.03265143414060906,0.0,0.060142440269821636,0.0,0.0630997241532068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04657268668338825,0.042924827229882376,0.0,0.08315856148491185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143651625936925,0.0,0.0,0.038670167970426036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828460596195254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701887862007777,0.12275367249505165,0.0,0.18344169847593428,0.042059024870616586,0.0,0.13175584997600062,0.0,0.0,0.0778235084206758,0.06506149166283162,0.0,0.041399886626318536,0.0,0.03724003336275252,0.08534947121665712,0.0,0.0,0.10151563481685842,0.09196196116173956,0.0,0.04169935235444554,0.0,0.12596827691330253,0.16183156728075346,0.09158367373523647,0.11581623341800053,0.0,0.0,0.034199933929328755,0.0937172501822788,0.0,0.046828523019282316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151367674762236,0.16439676544227275,0.10726309343138037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588337053809327,0.02621143906526145,0.040190743804590895,0.06495089286116139,0.04770619242064419,0.0,0.0,0.03908822035980557,0.0,0.08331913851927786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03533035915249126,0.045053083910679165,0.0,0.2654069308589709,0.12987972138742745,0.0,0.04981348745186876,0.036780144669326505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0415428622527477,0.0,0.11623612747387893,0.0,0.0,0.13171325727128402 bpd,mercadess550owner,2020/04/06,"guilt is swallowing me up sorry if this is triggering for anyone but i recently started using again after a strong period of great progress with my therapist. i feel absolutely terrible, more so bc i know how disappointed she'll be in me. She's one of the few people in my life i feel are *genuinely* concerned for my well being so I cherish our relationship greatly - probably the most stable relationship i have in my life rn. I've gone through a looot of therapists before finding her and i have a HUGE fear of her dropping me as a patient, and dont know how i'd recover from that. I know it's an irrational fear (she's assured me she wouldn't drop me bar me slashing her tires or something like that lol) but i just can't stop this guilt from consuming my life... Anyone else feel guilty seemingly for no reason all the time ?",2.1689434219495567,4.739874650306748,3.9404396728016384,82.94054362644854,81.63803680981594,7.794001363326517,26.233469665984998,8.680891452615391,2.3574324471710977,660,28,126,17,18,221,105,163,0.18100000000000002,0.618,0.201,0.69,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,2,7,13,0,4,8,1,11,6,0,5,2,26,21,11,0,2,5,0,3,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,5,3,2,1,9,1,0,1,4,6,1,1,1,3,28,7,17,16,4,15,0,1,0,0,10,5,0,4,8,87,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028253520938306,0.1486067158572871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341511495286545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998133407023652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211591257963982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32641207158367025,0.22000396597666627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256044976740394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31980582217406245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23912429038567454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30733004989078744,0.07085735619107472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828027565767423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005498321283484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15637354302390935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491213586803265,0.14320573996085192,0.3114291787623565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203549985853327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165594460235934,0.0,0.16235614000023274,0.10265736151550536,0.0,0.0,0.121256748819249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33679638964169883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457176852192749,0.1666977642913966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526470063655967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040495262125487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pink_fr3ud,2020/04/07,"DAE find it comforting to relate completely to a fictional character? Anyone else here find themselves almost instinctively relating to a character in work of fiction? Because I just read Death of a Salesman for one of my college courses, and as I read I realized that the main reason it hit home so much was that Willy is a perfect reflection of me when I'm at my worst. It was oddly comforting, even though the ending had me tearing up. In the past I've felt a sort of connection to Anakin and Kylo Ren from Star Wars (yeah, judge me, I'm a bit of a fan) and Rick from Rick and Morty. I feel like a lot of this is because I don't usually feel like I really exist as a person, so when I realize how much I relate to someone else it's really comforting, especially if it's a fictional person who I know won't abandon me. Maybe I'm overthinking it because I study psychology and English in college and therefore have to overanalyze people/characters, but I feel like I might be on to something. Anyone else feel the same way?",7.649900990099013,6.428532207920793,8.5860198019802,69.48348514851489,63.55445544554457,12.43643564356436,38.02178217821782,11.602472056035307,4.4769449504950485,814,36,151,22,10,279,114,202,0.04,0.8690000000000001,0.092,0.7645,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,9,10,1,0,14,1,10,0,0,3,1,30,20,16,2,1,3,0,5,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,10,6,0,1,12,2,0,0,2,3,0,1,4,5,18,7,25,12,7,12,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,5,8,101,28,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206954872818544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844421778320542,0.2702753480295426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411981570044948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399055505794903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828495689847764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305334288158038,0.0,0.11681606979591867,0.0,0.0,0.08711260583847204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667517329401923,0.28266836481395763,0.12663581683060404,0.0,0.24109153808529546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229719017143854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248371474271254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933054959311608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212881123332216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250199992567502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991525825268314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939097744117757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937259515689229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590465814495524,0.0,0.230323856007024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638529113544736,0.0,0.16898520155814795,0.1356056719356777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175061647390096,0.10153595385268784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295820061445073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525904333912232,0.0,0.0,0.10468874958311954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601804712233993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,iashar,2020/04/07,"Looking for friends Hey guys! I hope you all are doing well during this wild ride. This is a long shot but thanks to BPD and probably also my personality lol I struggle in making lasting friendships. So sitting at home I have maybe 2 people outside of my family (who are really nice but not the same thing) that I talk to. I was wondering if anyone else feels the same and wants to maybe become social distancing online friends. This is a no strings attached friendship while we are stuck at home because I have pretty awkward commitment issues and honestly I’d probably screw it up pretty fast anyways. I just want someone to be happy with and try to ignore the world crashing and burning around us.",4.7308049965301855,6.9397775419847365,5.17820957668286,79.14879944482999,71.29007633587787,7.511727966689799,30.22970159611381,8.296473431620573,2.475360305343512,562,24,94,9,11,179,98,131,0.091,0.598,0.311,0.9902,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,1,0,0,6,12,1,2,5,1,10,1,0,1,2,24,19,11,0,4,5,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,7,8,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,2,2,12,8,13,16,3,12,0,0,1,1,11,6,1,3,4,66,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824381097898655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338734437272903,0.15150032823638288,0.0,0.1316269957115599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013425314245918,0.16330006037333886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622484417704446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351828933905774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938951096829644,0.0,0.07476259931343371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284729681590965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464049218823532,0.0,0.1574000154919612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29663182945613353,0.14685861881638024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543277150338669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052586130285005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085169323006496,0.12416539404438355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869788378801636,0.0,0.29709104625439586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250769949177232,0.12910589160325267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008541191217063,0.31883677610316713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472308033195972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072493304270826,0.1252815338124257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15457566658211253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884449069186916,0.0,0.13612987842290672,0.0,0.0,0.09823179867103213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038742302876924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778577090027466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744236459064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329441473206562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603481643061512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kyoto-kai,2020/04/07,"DAE get really sensitive over how long it takes someone to reply? I'm talking to someone new and waiting for his reply makes me super :(. I hate texting games (ie. Wait the same amount of time it took them to reply), but I've been doing that. I've regressed a little and I hate it. Everytime he takes a while to reply, I get incredibly anxious. I think he's ghosting me, or talking to another girl, or just ignoring me. I'll reply and then he'll take a while to reply again and I end up feeling anxious and dumb. I analyze his text lengths. His punctuation. I read through our first texts and wonder if he's still into me. I analyze his patterns. If he hasn't flirted with me in a day. Etc. It's driving me nuts. I know he has stuff to do, and I'm tired of feeling this way. I don't want to freak out like this anymore.",0.8577516339869256,2.9948106705882367,3.1556862745098044,89.25947712418305,83.47058823529412,5.895424836601308,24.73856209150327,7.1686216300943375,1.1346405228758174,634,26,134,9,18,217,98,170,0.16899999999999998,0.753,0.078,-0.9576,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,1,2,4,8,3,0,5,0,6,1,0,2,0,28,26,16,1,3,6,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,10,0,3,5,2,0,2,2,5,0,1,2,2,22,3,18,23,3,20,0,0,0,0,16,6,1,5,12,81,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697148545578594,0.0,0.35977981331683023,0.15791805232900505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269321976714824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410346965279564,0.0,0.17758880204976318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102771549005193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354449695439391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638713567176538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31442263455777664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875112365089566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779403981965352,0.15959501961252054,0.0,0.14091771435410996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629041055312237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378988262421975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592778088918212,0.0,0.1020098376066989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698381191687604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271650512596826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228565521212006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591740721513817,0.2559736687920608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020311774961672,0.0,0.0,0.0928510444317434,0.1830168836410185,0.0,0.0,0.1769156303873182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392076213803646,0.1263931071567547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268325886445915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GiraffeNugget,2020/04/07,"People with BPD...? I’m creating a web comic as a passion project that focuses on two characters with mental health issues. One of the characters will have BPD. I want to know, what is most important to you about how a fictional character with BPD is portrayed? What should i avoid and what should I definitely include in the character story/arc? Thank you for your time <3",4.73,7.105743376811597,5.312391304347828,77.45815217391308,71.7536231884058,9.817391304347826,30.34057971014493,10.125756701596842,3.550988405797102,299,13,52,9,6,96,51,69,0.031,0.7659999999999999,0.203,0.8788,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,1,5,0,6,2,0,1,0,11,10,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,6,2,11,7,1,3,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,37,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8197890269777544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306263387554233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22645773160648505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192396804129804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21865223914519796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702281363494746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041796668869106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19975455131149308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265155116728282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21194575040118926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797307075345474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nataliexholi,2020/04/07,"is this normal so i’ve realised that over my life i always get attached to one person and one person only. most of the time it’s not even romantically i just always want to be around them and they can make or break my day and i am just sensitive towards them in general and although i’ve noticed this over the years as much as i try to stop it i physically can’t. so anyway i have this friend (let’s call them egg) and i would say they’re my bestfriend and we talk all the time, we always go out etc. so for a while i felt like i was actually the first choice, however egg began getting closer to a person of interest (let’s call them beans) and this has made me go like crazy, because i feel like now i’m just an option and i’m not as important (which to me sounds like i’m just a shitty person). so every time egg is on the phone or speaks to beans for hours and ignores me for a few hours i literally lose it, as my mental health is fucked anyway, therefore i guilt trip egg (as a joke to them but i secretly mean it ), however they know me too well and start apologising. at that time i feel bad and ill feel okay about egg and beans being a thing for a while. however then the next time they talk to beans i once again feel out of control and guilt trip egg again, then i have to pretend that i’m really happy for how things are going for them. like i am half of the time but not always. ok this is really long i’m sorry but pls can someone get back to me i’m really struggling 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bpd,MachiavellianBonnie,2020/04/07,UNPOPULAR OPINION : Cheating for us isn't bad So idk anyone else does it but basically I always date multiple guys at once because my relationships tend to be really unstable and go on/off a lot so to remedy some of my abandonment issues I always have two other guys as a sort of backup to which I can go to when guy 3 is currently airing me from a recent argument or whatnot. I think it's only fair because they're being assholes for not taking my symptoms into consideration so I'm being an asshole back by trying to fix the symptoms they bring to the surface for me which is: making me an emotional mess by getting mad at me and then proceeding to activate my abandonment issues by ignoring me,6.498750000000001,6.713153139705881,8.392941176470586,65.16823529411766,65.39705882352942,11.505882352941176,35.382352941176464,11.20814326018867,4.3919588235294125,561,25,93,16,8,200,93,136,0.22699999999999998,0.72,0.053,-0.9845,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,1,0,5,7,2,0,7,0,8,2,0,1,0,16,17,10,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,5,3,0,3,2,0,0,3,2,7,0,1,0,0,15,0,20,14,2,15,0,2,0,0,6,5,0,5,7,69,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694792906456845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322598860299984,0.1659175457336552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451501872732056,0.13520570271972152,0.1974233883453912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170699483869356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527265359042542,0.18215068959162486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460231509285095,0.0,0.18405834906215046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4810117365055455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380279899743861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376680285605003,0.0,0.0,0.10809026513568007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245133419971911,0.0,0.12315589670166993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373720767448713,0.0,0.15988742347347598,0.17385339791682164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33661682565712314,0.12175203290266552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375890892014597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994058590732247,0.0,0.15818315295196414,0.0,0.19478317249255686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gustavro,2020/04/07,"It's ok If my teacher will know about my bpd? Hi! I need an advice. A few months ago, my philosophy teacher wanted to work with me to be in an important competition. He worked with me for 5 months, everything was good and he was very impressive by my progress. One month before the competition I abandoned him without even going to the competition. I feel so bad and stupid, he was trying so hard to be like a friend with me because he saw how lonely I was for 3 years in high school. After the quarantine, I am supposed to meet him and I really don't know how to say sorry for my actions. I don't have a good excuse for him and I don't have a reason to explain why I did this. I feel like I betrayed him so badly. It's okey to say that my reason was bpd? I think he will understand, but I'm scared that he will be thinking that I want attention. What can I do? (If there's grammar mistakes, I am soo sorry, but I really try to learn english lol)",1.5303030303030312,3.3064666767676805,3.7181818181818183,87.99727272727276,79.20202020202021,6.824242424242425,23.12121212121212,7.793537801064563,1.066624242424243,734,24,160,12,18,252,106,198,0.139,0.767,0.095,-0.8574,0,3,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,3,8,14,1,1,9,3,21,0,0,4,0,31,35,13,0,6,5,0,3,2,1,3,0,2,0,0,7,7,0,1,12,0,0,2,4,7,0,1,7,6,29,7,22,22,1,11,0,2,1,0,17,3,0,2,8,105,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097514420888326,0.11881184796339953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238233110843568,0.08170505307116918,0.0,0.11405190435294955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376188351526512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852729438228124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204598940230402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554185965213614,0.0957529445311418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355328489415834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617383788391383,0.22484043796869305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006691841315845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161284266940738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732166696626425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096315494408894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32095072261499585,0.0,0.0,0.09938350396265948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082398540382616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172948209500707,0.27561575328412563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21317626941664888,0.13419005445053675,0.13564818696452702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30007713329915275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176540694551495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18199872834758626,0.0,0.0,0.1395327047675333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059096472657057,0.15811184703693887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094360982067645,0.0,0.0,0.12920268163537274,0.0,0.19515471594025344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631262548764504 bpd,KindaUsefulSometimes,2020/04/07,"What do you do for work? A quick survey **for people diagnosed with BPD**. I hate my job, and I'm trying to figure out whether it's just me splitting on it, or if the job is actually as terrible as I think. I have been trying to explore other career fields and shadow where I can while laid off during this time, and so far it has helped me appreciate my current job more. What do you do for work? (or what DID you do, if you got laid off due to the pandemic.) How long have you done it for? Do you enjoy it? If not, why do you still do it? &#x200B; Technician, doing miscellaneous repairs around an amusement park (laid off, but expect to be re-hired). 2 years. The pay isn't great but the hours are flexible and I have a lot of freedom, and can work as hard as I feel like that day.",1.0769444444444431,3.0542214320987635,2.9266512345679025,92.11368055555558,81.5925925925926,6.025308641975308,20.001543209876548,7.1686216300943375,0.32944320987654363,600,16,135,8,16,200,100,162,0.07200000000000001,0.821,0.107,0.7917,4,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,7,0,3,7,6,1,0,7,0,22,1,0,1,0,25,27,20,0,4,10,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,12,8,0,0,4,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,4,2,17,4,20,22,2,19,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,6,11,101,29,8,0.0,0.0,0.16244434003931926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18036310681867,0.20227134381040895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818778604526595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20965492083169435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073551709118754,0.0,0.0,0.16895692422412098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034993094611092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416893518959256,0.11892154059474434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313604857398886,0.18352657008018167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911857783665816,0.16434821961980448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115769591377894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639329924556654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4955679429135944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813256460329218,0.0,0.0,0.14731493805821702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152129459941792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154048146291096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293794705196174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666307399142423,0.0,0.0,0.09706619158419597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260355466597706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502073954528549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635621795379357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20227134381040895,0.10719702089610036 bpd,spoopadoop,2020/04/07,"DAE cling onto their BPD diagnosis because it's the only 'stable' part of their identity? I feel like I cling onto my BPD diagnosis because it's the one constant in my identity. I constantly don't know who I am. My gender? My style? My likes and dislikes? Any sense of self is completely thrown out the window, BUT I know that I have BPD. And my BPD isn't going anywhere. It's a part of me and even though I can have strings of good days, I still have BPD. With everything constantly feeling like it's up in the air it's almost comforting to know that I have that one constant in my life. As hellish as it can be having BPD, seeing myself improve over the years is always a nice thing to look back on and reflect on. I don't necessarily love having BPD (sometimes I hate it) but I do love how in world of ""what ifs"", ""why's"", and ""how's"" I know that I do have BPD.",1.7670460893854738,3.5300554357541927,3.6714490223463683,88.66627967877096,78.44134078212291,6.70963687150838,23.47800279329609,7.645422480735847,1.0034829608938547,669,22,146,10,16,226,89,179,0.08,0.83,0.09,-0.6534,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,2,0,6,10,2,0,7,0,18,3,0,2,0,20,30,13,0,1,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,14,7,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,0,4,25,8,21,29,2,22,1,0,2,2,6,13,0,2,11,103,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997081790846687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645204773530197,0.0,0.0,0.05430927953382796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061409379165310876,0.0,0.0973669508700192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8046727907138704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373437491157458,0.3452122234891576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05150474445849736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052748467804477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177531953215117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076182006812402,0.11410765791562985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0453877333900232,0.06698492643478943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884774419180478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755614979785768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056409288079469974,0.11705043868691305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706443666076746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415815722998632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823387528958296,0.06073907577012059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17296674027456546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06364012063178137,0.0,0.08331406765650574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898611410937299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377834373128598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05305713633616651,0.0,0.07846455990338877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206353874585437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051428870366179186 bpd,blondebeech99,2020/04/07,Question So I’m like trying to get my life together and looking forward I want to know what in the heck I should do. I haven’t been diagnosed with anything but I have felt the issue to be BPD for a long time now I fit every criteria basically. I would like to sign up for the DBT program in my area but when I was in psych hospital I was told that I didn’t do well in group therapy which is correct I didn’t I hated group therapy they never let us talk. Our DBT program is a group setting. I just can’t help but wonder if I have some NPD behaviors going on but I have no idea. I have a therapist and she is leaving the choice of going into DBT up to me. I just don’t know what to do. I’m not trying to diagnose myself but I don’t think DBT works for other Pds I could be wrong. I just wanna know what to do. Thank you all in advance and I’m sorry this makes no sense if anyone has questions to possibly help let me know.,-0.2122258273848168,1.8464866915422924,2.494877784988102,92.74090201168072,87.55721393034824,5.684706900281204,19.684404066623408,7.079830092131019,0.3966801211334632,719,22,164,11,23,250,110,201,0.086,0.797,0.11699999999999999,0.6068,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,1,1,2,7,6,1,0,7,0,28,3,0,1,3,37,47,12,0,7,11,0,1,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,10,0,0,4,10,2,1,0,7,2,29,4,24,33,2,21,0,0,1,0,14,12,1,6,8,118,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420205009886454,0.0,0.1108662513269058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967997589312805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075660335791019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734837485864721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351065625741212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935602584620962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703876523684026,0.0,0.1531333400873271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301191230113596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060511684271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208683074044932,0.0,0.1406166995725482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961628238314222,0.0,0.0,0.14265310712597745,0.0,0.2755285338429596,0.09515944122312413,0.13163853825722496,0.0,0.0,0.1192263698808309,0.11313410496497435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992921763936015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390734044968536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188090097469753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018430954288181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508123227818659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828592932775398,0.0,0.12403562258950496,0.30813693308880985,0.1564247765016406,0.0,0.08632560472110687,0.0,0.0,0.07855856176762943,0.0,0.0,0.12873441445281586,0.0,0.18293730457683496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16205620635290674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794636187329878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113292301136518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610227101658071,0.09808056911635377,0.0,0.0,0.0957039593442308,0.14729938331848674,0.0,0.0 bpd,Havershamhouse,2020/04/07,"Something my mother said to me today So I was on the phone to my mother today and she was watching some programme. She also has diagnosed BPD. There was a screaming child on the programme she was half watching and she pipes up ""You know, you never had temper tantrums when you were a child. You were really quiet child"" Yes mum. Every time I opened my mouth because i didnt want to do something you beat the shit out of me. Funny how your actions had that effect! She was completely oblivious of the consequences of her own actions. Like. WOW!",1.7130357142857164,4.470678298076926,2.6244505494505503,89.47769230769232,88.13461538461539,4.894505494505495,21.85164835164835,6.5431188927421005,0.7155186813186813,429,15,78,5,14,135,67,104,0.033,0.7759999999999999,0.191,0.9590000000000001,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,6,0,2,5,6,3,0,6,1,12,3,2,2,1,10,15,6,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,3,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,11,5,20,2,10,4,2,12,0,0,2,0,20,5,1,1,6,60,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20251258654281015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15437019991877354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31894163897954136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26551292979132296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257029017564738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21336209271496348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391717790216702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371822580607393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953110689142314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16222934498226338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24088524665167504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599429208664736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3899065985373354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476638378462783,0.0,0.4800758774307488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493650424249674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,KaiserTybe,2020/04/07,"Rage and Reality? Does everyone have explosive anger? Losing touch with reality often? Or can let's say one or 3 experienced of dissociation be enough? Or with rage, I do not have a short fuse, I rarely get angry and if I do it's only at my self. Now I am quite mean to myself so I guess I could say I rage and get angry at myself often enough. Just wondering your thoughts and experiences with this? Hopefully this question is fine to ask here...",1.7029545454545456,4.222776113636364,4.067,81.57800000000003,83.31818181818181,7.610909090909091,21.3,8.548686976883017,1.5954509090909093,350,11,70,9,10,121,60,88,0.187,0.705,0.107,-0.8668,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,2,6,7,4,0,1,0,10,0,0,0,0,22,18,9,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,1,4,11,2,8,14,2,4,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,10,1,51,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906637985503014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628358394764429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784762219155244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4214654938572099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19488100238926387,0.0,0.199500225719364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131087682759301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22467165580111545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025663284451041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20855059266937803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281655836969721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221591025706464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820040641616174,0.15511160317070544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284683751872988,0.2169237450076992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32437518504248497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212762187060318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191188790826516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211728475876588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,asdfghalle,2020/04/07,"How do I know when my feelings for this guy are healthy? It’s hard to draw the line between reasonably missing someone and being completely obsessive. I kind of know what the difference is but in the moment I’m always terrified that I like this guy way too much even though it does feel like the healthiest I’ve ever been before in a relationship. And if it is unhealthy, am i supposed to just end it with him because I really don’t think that would help, but I also don’t want to be dependent on him.",7.323465346534654,6.021017782178216,7.8266138613861385,74.92803960396044,64.24752475247524,11.644356435643564,36.041584158415844,10.793553405168565,3.7236281188118814,400,16,79,9,5,133,73,101,0.136,0.7390000000000001,0.125,-0.2838,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,5,0,11,0,0,3,1,18,19,9,0,3,4,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,9,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,9,3,10,15,1,8,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,2,6,58,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628524046172582,0.16944642702888493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241382507980795,0.0,0.17328431197801833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21351472425319892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127625088490221,0.0,0.0,0.17820845455607404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18036633550191028,0.0,0.0,0.13450359628223402,0.1842058146857024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059349909788168,0.1454818593962316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032751207685646,0.0,0.0,0.18242319991570533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364969155290302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120617676897273,0.2238325948570068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19897835400211944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970027449886014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304582563526706,0.20937785497357114,0.0,0.2186352578949701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254517480934062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048554749278127,0.20007719516760686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011330623898113,0.16164151185339842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466140807937472,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,anddreimunteanu,2020/04/07,"I don’t know if I have BPD Hello! I am diagnosed with CPTSD and for 3 months I have been having this thought that I might have BPD which is making me really scared as I know is a personality disorder which is very hard to live with. My therapist is saying that I don’t have it, only some BPD tendencies. To give you some examples as of what I think are BPD symptoms: for example, when someone tells me “goodbye” in a cold manner, I get this fear of abandonment or rejection. But the thing is that I tell myself :”this is your fear of abandonment, maybe they are in a rush or something” and this calms me down. Another thing I have is this black and white thinking but not with persons, it’s more with ideas. “I am either perfect or I am not perfect”. But I can control it. Like I realise that I’m doing it and see in between. My therapist is telling me that due to the fact that I worry too much about hurting people is a sign I don’t have BPD. When I broke up with my boyfriend I didn’t move on fast as a person with BPD might do, or is it a stereotype? Sorry for my English mistakes, I’m not native. Thank you!",3.47616266375546,4.290527585152841,4.728992903930131,86.65017057860264,72.2751091703057,7.995742358078602,27.41293668122271,8.278499904357787,1.6453862445414846,863,30,187,13,16,286,119,229,0.168,0.767,0.066,-0.9554,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,1,3,4,14,0,3,8,0,32,2,0,2,3,41,44,17,0,2,12,0,1,1,0,2,2,1,0,3,21,10,0,3,6,0,0,2,7,9,0,0,3,6,32,5,26,39,5,13,0,5,3,0,13,6,0,9,6,142,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782889137769336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7050175608502841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463929096014243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469338006529997,0.0,0.0,0.10692519030750773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20996766264529199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04874325989807684,0.08949793362524444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357480600885478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987519626732906,0.1053197211217741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254597936159986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04557966679504746,0.0,0.08238199368290558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062275741274669935,0.0,0.09372827674450183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19794442429007925,0.0,0.0,0.07446790155427854,0.09915878261855084,0.06858322519556584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095574009200452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467963371861399,0.2443871578783321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059767745944408326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419264855653722,0.09340547685608123,0.0,0.07434475750113193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904931784508774,0.07182374596277788,0.0,0.10443712778932072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697016802118967,0.0,0.0,0.24463420037409775,0.08589433494466213,0.0,0.21664747378166005,0.12396330790884555,0.1195604980474803,0.0,0.07406652759291689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769788926501033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474652057236904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,marissa5077,2020/04/07,"Every day it gets harder for me not to cut myself again. TW. Obviously. I guess this a vent, idek anymore. BPD has me (18f) by the balls lately. I know the whole world is struggling with the current pandemic, which is making everything so much worse. I didn’t really have friends besides my boyfriend but at least I used to go places all the time, my best coping skill is distraction. Now, I sit home all day, I’ve been slacking on all my homework becuase I’m stupid and worthless and it doesn’t matter anyways. I keep thinking that I’m going to die, so why write papers? My boyfriend is doing the best he can at helping me with my wild swinging moods, but a lot of the time when I’m coming down from smoking weed or have been sober all day I’m just a mess. I haven’t cut in well over a year but this is the closest I’ve been to relapse. My bf would find out right away. My family would find out. I’ve already put them through years of hell with all the hospitals and therapists (I can’t even talk to my therapist now). I refuse to go to a hospital ever again. If I do something, oh well. I’m not telling anyone. I wanna feel the pain and have it numb me. My pain from Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS) is terrible and will never get better. I am a psychology student. I’m supposed to help people like me and know what I need to do. I’m hopeless and I’ll never get better. I’ve been hitting myself and punching walls and digging my nails into my skin to avoid cutting. I don’t think it’s gonna work much longer, I’m tired of trying. I’m fucking tired of being alive I want that pain to wash over me and make it better, even if just for a second. God I’m the worst. I’m pathetic. I wish I could help people and not make my boyfriend cry when I have a meltdown. I wish it would all be okay.",1.1962205754141235,3.226786134408602,2.7321563498982857,93.38174803836095,81.47311827956989,5.419471083987213,21.882011043301368,6.5153245180268975,0.33528514966579515,1390,44,305,13,37,454,196,372,0.221,0.653,0.126,-0.9935,1,1,1,0,0,2,45.0,0,0,1,7,16,29,6,3,18,1,32,9,1,4,10,66,68,21,1,11,11,0,2,1,2,5,7,0,2,0,12,18,0,3,7,1,0,5,10,18,2,1,5,2,40,10,36,54,14,40,1,2,0,1,11,16,2,5,19,191,52,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473000658754576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412023950572386,0.0663597694243355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916635380892753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991938449502948,0.2518072301907381,0.0,0.0,0.11952950136836248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175223774214989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577390490661487,0.0,0.10424866532568157,0.1836175845170802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849638680057024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536768987097455,0.08584698880277324,0.07996153978115669,0.0,0.08529447748938315,0.0,0.08946796983854935,0.0,0.04798681001145911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348286672332036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332335296316203,0.08773812573324566,0.1487518066725316,0.0,0.16181006350777707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045485363456998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19083842492747194,0.0,0.09519743410596823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435590780753217,0.0,0.0,0.10431459124768112,0.0,0.107056952432246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04636577992165857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068482108298934,0.0,0.0,0.1900494354675649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953216200697074,0.07037084093679945,0.1463931442362561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30295677351473604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159032846359447,0.0,0.0991555057367558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540571892062763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607985610630472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810483352933403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306249107597944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921529230910052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628102885816343,0.08295113657338682,0.0,0.0,0.22038399567754635,0.0,0.12162255956631304,0.0,0.0,0.1106797153509113,0.21815862933765434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443425242915456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196743223110478,0.0,0.0,0.05597741674634677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706619512482747,0.0,0.08563698390238775,0.10595802212751124,0.21827208908487888,0.0,0.0,0.06909195654168983,0.0,0.0967162836834968,0.2022533268144559,0.0,0.0,0.12223139247154545 bpd,throwaway2189_0,2020/04/07,"Lacking self identity, is this BPD? Anyone else have this issue? So I don’t have impulses or even anxiety really, but nothing seems real and I feel like I lack a self-identity. Everything seems fuzzy. I’m on Lexapro, but I’ll see how it works in the coming weeks. Also, I found myself questioning which “personality” or role I should have in a given situation. For example, if I’m with my mother I would think “ok that’s just mom, mom doesn’t judge, I can just relax” but then if I’m out in public and I’m passing someone I will start to think about the other person and what he’s like and I start to tailor my demeanor. It’s not necessarily about being liked, it’s more like surviving, but I want to do more than just survive.",2.115306122448977,4.22078104081633,4.238333333333333,83.37750000000003,78.72789115646259,7.465306122448977,22.744897959183675,8.418075326091056,1.4901918367346942,571,18,115,12,14,196,93,147,0.040999999999999995,0.7829999999999999,0.17600000000000002,0.9649,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,9,6,0,0,4,1,12,0,0,1,0,33,28,16,0,7,12,3,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,3,9,7,0,0,7,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,2,13,6,13,22,4,11,0,0,1,0,10,5,0,7,8,76,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297998955695096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764336364062801,0.0,0.0,0.10752845688928826,0.157568574880389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936839586150324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247020066401674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284657337009315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157203944907874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382099971891719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775716637254301,0.10986240940883436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16861482033241146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605092108083856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005218861183055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36021693760017554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755867210208115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26855428744478604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227184673838755,0.0,0.0,0.17503840828005593,0.09851715141435026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254492144332567,0.27999603418069496,0.3208578417116251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285822605170048,0.0,0.0,0.1302996037794228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176964084249478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19707552130666767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070503552979373,0.0,0.12335522589844312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119556552838952,0.0,0.0,0.10924283553999167,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,daydreammmmmmmmm,2020/04/07,"Anyone in recovery from opioid addiction? I have been fighting this battle for over 5 years. I’ve literally tried everything - inpatient treatment several times, outpatient programs, 12 step groups, individual and group therapy, medication assisted treatment and other psychiatric support, meditation, etc. I’ve come a long way but still relapse every so often and can’t seem to maintain long term recovery despite my very best efforts. I believe that that my BPD is truly impeding my progress in this area, and I’m honestly so afraid of what will happen down the road if I can’t truly stop for good. I have so many dreams, and I have worked so hard. So so hard - a decade dedicated to my mental health/growth. I’ve done all of the trauma therapies. I’m working on learning and practicing DBT skills now. I need to hear from someone who understands the depth and frustration of this particular type of substance use disorder - I would love to hear what you’ve done that works and how you’ve dealt with opioid/heroin addiction while also having BPD. Thank you!",8.376574162679429,8.914631126315793,8.163205741626799,67.30107655502394,61.42105263157895,11.961722488038278,37.79904306220096,11.567385478589935,4.761631578947369,854,39,137,24,11,274,126,190,0.127,0.6940000000000001,0.179,0.9369,0,0,2,0,2,0,24.0,0,1,0,7,11,11,3,1,5,0,12,4,0,2,1,22,25,19,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,10,10,0,1,3,1,0,2,2,5,0,0,3,4,12,6,18,20,4,20,0,0,0,1,8,8,0,3,9,82,22,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27420755034961913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057522386463376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793868549200516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169549506797188,0.13198391913492266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167963758473799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833648738445027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14413901719848007,0.0,0.0,0.25740507561423803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026261241004487,0.0,0.0,0.10596348901256013,0.0,0.11303059512128327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548676269825738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121467861632453,0.0,0.2253237121397784,0.0,0.0,0.13368364156205795,0.2834954060075012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22259834541393364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350894993921964,0.0,0.0,0.12750723666405325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669626455861102,0.12674279842609976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932540800342164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449286961393053,0.0,0.14208006339858112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656133462688057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043708888774576,0.10514621558024992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271804893569073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578866482476904,0.2876493326730105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333531116082466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853870275384344,0.0,0.0,0.13092710056460802,0.0,0.10862165896729302,0.0,0.10377032670882333,0.0,0.09982739449676237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746779813607433,0.0,0.0,0.08934073485958456,0.0,0.0,0.08098934092937979 bpd,Nocturnis_17,2020/04/07,"I lose interest in EVERYTHING I know you will be sick of seeing such threads but I am new to this community as I decided to take a look at it as I have been very bad these days, and the confinement has made me think about things too much. &#x200B; I write here because I feel a terrible helplessness in not being able to keep up a single habit. It is not a question of me giving up, the problem is that I lose interest in practically EVERYTHING. Since I was a child I have never known what to do with my life and I have thought about a lot of things that in the end came to nothing and were just simple ideas as a psychologist, astronomer, teacher, translator, etc. &#x200B; There comes a point when I can't even finish things that I like. I recently played DOOM Eternal and I loved it, but eventually I got tired of it and uninstalled it, not because it's a bad game, but because I just completely lost interest and started doing something else, and I can add hundreds and hundreds of other examples, and that happens with anything, be it languages, (one of my hobbies), healthy habits, sport, even my studies. &#x200B; No matter what I start to be interested in, I will ALWAYS quit. How do you deal with this?",6.937547045229452,6.774399090128758,6.947639484978541,77.17440739517995,64.53648068669528,10.259359524595576,36.37801254539453,9.851270322608157,3.455944470122152,960,43,182,18,13,307,136,233,0.17300000000000001,0.6990000000000001,0.128,-0.9249,0,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,2,0,4,12,16,0,0,12,0,21,4,0,2,1,40,39,17,0,1,8,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,20,15,0,2,8,3,0,2,6,9,0,1,8,3,27,7,28,25,4,21,1,5,2,1,9,9,0,2,11,140,47,0,0.10362428286402943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862237045110961,0.33683060156822336,0.3777445377682998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527395543598124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730438956045554,0.18950520308427626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851857377250845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926314416629484,0.10864808904845008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682908982426726,0.10683208550582286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656479155534312,0.0,0.09178035730086456,0.0,0.11556846723549972,0.1368857230556079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862616474117172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05239555097737721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994058544701424,0.0,0.0,0.08287780526475698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163461111221163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697920216242827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210602385774404,0.0,0.0,0.05694919585295385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319289552098572,0.05062559034265853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701829916325085,0.2318581329196637,0.11311814572704355,0.08809765965157522,0.09352496104690572,0.09805180197628473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617577106786301,0.0,0.0799214351791423,0.10008097811385727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943029417039996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021849588618563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795844163473676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915444393578884,0.0,0.0,0.11608291233893762,0.11021718019099697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231647800159636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257513716150182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571907760891749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977503557313972,0.0,0.0,0.14669160152483374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791256451262889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20653010711771885,0.06639825629411625,0.0,0.08226610564932105,0.0,0.1191008694043866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550088577565168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777445377682998,0.0 bpd,Debarmy,2020/04/07,"Ramblings of a nut case. (CW SUICIDE) idk how to cw i never really doned it before so if i did it wrong pls tell me famalamalamalam luv u thx Anyone else feel like at one point they had what they wanted but they didn't realise it and now they're chasing for any semblance of it the can possibly get? I feel like most aspects of my character are just incompatible with society as a whole. I've been OUT of society for quite a while now, just sitting in my room playing video games and masturbating pretty much. But I wasn't always like this and it just sucks man. I don't want this to sound like I'll kill myself, however. I really want to but I'm a pussy and I don't want to do that to the few people that I do have. Sometimes I think maybe if I had someone to love I'd be okay. But I've been quite toxic in the past. I'm sorry if the way I'm writing this is dog shit. I've been lurking here for a long time, but posting always scared me. I do have a few people though, which is nice and I love those guys, but I think I'm always just looking for more? I don't know what I'm trying to say... I'm not really looking for advice. I just thought that maybe writing stuff here for once instead of my journal would be more cathartic? I'm glad I have my sense of humour though. I can joke about anything with my friends, and I like that when I feel down they'll just tell me to kms or something, and then we'll back and forth until the loneliness postpones itself. Sorry for grammar or trashy formatting.",0.8126470588235293,2.99810493312102,2.4799175721243927,93.73187710753092,84.06369426751594,5.350168602472836,20.381790932933683,6.661559191721324,0.2187271637317352,1175,35,259,13,34,385,159,314,0.111,0.715,0.174,0.9777,1,0,1,0,0,2,29.0,1,0,4,2,18,19,3,1,11,1,28,3,1,1,1,46,52,28,2,8,18,0,3,5,1,3,0,2,1,2,18,11,0,0,7,4,0,0,7,5,0,1,10,7,33,14,31,37,7,21,0,0,2,2,16,7,2,6,16,167,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474276545898528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26756673310541584,0.0,0.0,0.07289144075769158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749482648568809,0.10982666007581383,0.08820650038314416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242087101536208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120899953917658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969042620267096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954172795731892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625922532993344,0.15315009991571174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281309784151138,0.0,0.05600124845292178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613286305169778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858751896126192,0.0,0.058907661080580716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26183294366525856,0.0,0.0,0.09485790955053396,0.1800216631031317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934825110490081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21536928486148105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879543226921315,0.0,0.08266990861052377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415160450346107,0.07263328823697564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102322969466946,0.14862117327786648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132720213821272,0.12083824057976142,0.10265636904958676,0.10904861876481743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280150298421389,0.0,0.0,0.20600192090779576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524011225106592,0.107313776863074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002682864544064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081995126984528,0.08251847436736083,0.1060115638930079,0.2399761342704141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270448945134202,0.1172461542461821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873738805307415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736334357432226,0.2106231151976056,0.08509521157282665,0.06250212057971864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277354124055194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528887784092061,0.08508075781273633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967145116709367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614320161032279,0.11719313096289224,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mageimin,2020/04/07,"Watching myself ruin my own life is the most exhausting thing about bpd. It's like I know what I'm doing is only going to makes things worse for me, but I can't even do anything differently. How are you supposed to cope when it's your own fault your life is fucked up the way it is?",2.075499999999998,3.587035550000003,3.4466666666666685,91.725,76.83333333333334,6.133333333333334,20.333333333333336,6.742157984588678,0.13223333333333365,223,5,50,2,5,73,47,60,0.243,0.73,0.027000000000000003,-0.9354,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,0,4,5,1,0,2,0,8,4,0,2,0,5,13,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,8,1,5,13,3,4,0,1,1,1,3,1,1,1,2,36,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379191695343668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641335254681519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30206638076931763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19095946343752945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672845839351167,0.0,0.0,0.16431220802339294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889148467091832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084246550810469,0.14124826683517588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929882585688129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21988698063698525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841538041954756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294881120352104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946355581231524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,besterrunner,2020/04/07,So just found out person I’m dating May have BPD... Honestly got kind scared cuz she has not shown this side. I mean I have my own mental problems but. Idk. I like her but this scared me. Anyone have any tips? Or?? Advice??,-1.5959999999999999,-0.4243113777777765,0.06277777777778049,102.62750000000004,118.33333333333334,2.688888888888889,8.944444444444445,4.935628992294339,-1.8774888888888888,168,2,38,1,10,53,37,45,0.198,0.6579999999999999,0.14400000000000002,-0.4137,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,11,9,5,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,7,3,1,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,2,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562072797655244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829697041969772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332808932418967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33021686624033114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874758341887996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20969585912565394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27302866921041913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809191347109114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28559981867636003,0.0,0.0,0.2642240436169609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22893262779620704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508787031801801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5249922652122234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,curiousmug,2020/04/07,"how can u tell between bpd and faults? does anyone else struggle with the notion of a diagnosis being an excuse? gradually coming to understand bpd and its hard for me to distinguish symptomatic consequences of bpd from any toxic behaviour, faulty coping mechanisms and irrational thought patterns that i feel obligated to work on in therapy.",11.3721052631579,11.731759894736848,10.865614035087724,51.002631578947394,55.31578947368421,15.319298245614036,45.31578947368421,14.06817628641468,7.383905263157892,282,15,36,11,3,92,50,57,0.19399999999999998,0.785,0.021,-0.8611,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,10,6,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,11,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,24,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614323334948453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998487347051924,0.20512911331250194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7564367207810878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245503948465926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519684294332122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724186320220288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012274091061644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17934036173796447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20929307411271333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498409741615215,0.0,0.2289467667888409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589368672872695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20841582409217216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574837854653855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ginormous_cock,2020/04/07,"How do you take care of yourself when you don't feel like a person? I think it's a form of dissociating, i don't know. But I just get in this mood sometimes, where i don't feel like a person. I feel like some kind of fraud. Or a sum of a few different parts, but not a real whole person. Can anyone else relate? Any ideas on things to do or to remind myself?",0.7471978021978032,2.274171192307694,2.976227106227107,93.57115384615385,80.66666666666667,5.482783882783883,16.27106227106227,6.1826913282559595,-0.6175553113553116,275,4,66,2,7,94,50,78,0.114,0.855,0.031,-0.5649,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,4,6,0,0,6,0,6,0,0,1,0,15,14,6,0,0,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,8,5,8,14,5,4,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,3,4,45,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461836546564753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12813480106668587,0.1877644167947799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868387088214481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19146044527373768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15308441790997654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779747612740323,0.3927480700890666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957421608586098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068704001806548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908298632454188,0.1007110898201265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26858456734110103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19844520713547245,0.0,0.0,0.4800285132814622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20858210256924636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124196305462192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377834957144663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174519093707906,0.1174211620266395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045954982138504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,denimlace,2020/04/07,"Abandoned in quarantine I was quarantined with a guy I have been seeing on and off for two years. It was so wonderful and then I overheard him talking to another girl while in the bathroom and he began acting distant for a few days. When I asked him what was on his mind, he said he was getting too attached and it was too overwhelming being quarantined together for two weeks. He drove my back to my house last night in a city badly affected by the virus. I am afraid he has gone to meet with the girl he was chatting with. I haven’t slept or eaten in three days. Help.",3.4954385964912262,5.073296263157901,4.255263157894738,87.11517543859651,73.21052631578948,7.873684210526315,26.701754385964907,8.515128840125781,1.7821649122807015,450,16,92,8,9,144,73,114,0.067,0.867,0.065,0.188,0,3,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,6,0,12,2,1,1,0,12,22,9,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,7,1,1,1,1,0,3,1,4,0,3,13,2,11,0,17,8,1,21,0,2,1,0,18,7,0,2,11,65,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24208789290573546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158327912215164,0.0,0.0,0.17752519574985234,0.19276725881862147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977847998569513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062032918807755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285981336600189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15474765753373912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663936078054244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18819030533507475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331134332850514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166563637501799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21961075394242535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183973930794648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18556499616705446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4510539448036037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519042262468532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503692541542515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867305944214915 bpd,hrowaytayyyy,2020/04/07,"Started an argument with my FP- Advice on what I should do next So i dont really know what to do, I got angry at my FP because i wasnt receiving much attention and I felt really lonely which led me to overthink into an episode. kept thinking things like - They dont like me because if they did I would get an apology, they would give me more attention , etc. We haven't talked in a couple of days and I'm just overthinking it- like if they cared about me they would check up on me, and I feel really bad because I should have spoken up instead of being like ""No im fine"" when i obviously am not. I am also getting urges to call them and apologise (but im just scared, of it not being taken seriously or a bad response) So any advice on what do I do , should i wait for them or potentially embarrass myself",3.3619678714859447,4.375453650602413,5.301385542168674,81.69296184738957,72.73493975903614,8.90682730923695,26.48393574297189,9.2995712137729,2.130102008032128,630,21,131,14,12,218,97,166,0.13699999999999998,0.747,0.11599999999999999,-0.7623,0,2,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,7,0,8,12,0,2,5,0,20,0,0,1,1,32,34,13,0,8,9,0,2,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,2,6,0,1,2,7,6,0,0,6,2,28,6,17,20,3,14,0,1,0,0,13,8,0,4,8,99,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284952678425666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165980622681947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915057706941698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434776933166484,0.26663922213068764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888046993840298,0.0,0.14865518199769698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16132749337900107,0.0,0.09403043418559827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417584652700641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260812740220912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372203363463131,0.0,0.13999309162618212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523513883934055,0.13986687056485542,0.0,0.0,0.11661143424049328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149830498379689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012914176528871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849265942924045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718148110005972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506242093398898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802140981588576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597355729108244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319963221878377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171903815615772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686458245326032,0.09342423912879977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107213536088523,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GuySimile,2020/04/07,"When is it justified to cut someone out of your life? Like, for example I have a friendship where I feel he is not respectful of me, and is essentially just using me when it's convenient for him. He even told me we're not even friends; we're just hanging out! Actually, I used to kind of date him in a way where he would probably say ""we're not really dating, we're just friends"", before I cut him out the first time after I had some very bad BPD episodes related to the relationship. So, since he has come back into my life recently and I've given it a another shot to be friends with him, I still feel like he's manipulating me and causing me to feel bad about myself, and like I can't trust him. He has even told me he ""can't be there for me"", which I think is just poor character because I barely asked him for anything. I feel like in this case, it's pretty clear he's not a good friend, so I should cut him out of my life. But in general, how would you know if you are reacting justified to cut someone out, or if it's a splitting/black & white thinking overreaction?",5.641621621621621,4.847968432432432,6.614189189189191,80.59263513513515,67.37837837837839,10.643243243243244,32.013513513513516,10.125756701596842,2.800091891891892,840,30,186,18,12,282,114,222,0.16899999999999998,0.727,0.10400000000000001,-0.9211,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,3,0,1,18,18,4,0,7,0,16,3,0,6,1,43,30,13,0,5,12,0,4,4,4,3,3,1,0,0,7,12,0,0,7,0,1,2,6,6,0,1,4,6,31,12,26,21,1,24,0,0,1,0,27,11,0,4,14,118,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.12115507598018785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451934308914368,0.0,0.0,0.13018487732092804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216705145958403,0.0,0.11606596723921048,0.0,0.0,0.09546572343073473,0.20732455175332126,0.07568230235668864,0.0,0.10564475984217782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15636591497639135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753896972423812,0.0,0.1069465137022839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460049608347994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25110123838351817,0.17738935419910398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056041796339156,0.0,0.0,0.3836801139122429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413335141912676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928587858623267,0.0682310489004903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630780624026225,0.24261885201716746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630787749822905,0.1338575538720738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953536592253932,0.0,0.12258576278897115,0.13329348196434967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873116943702676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270035403380698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103882728515173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991484656949708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591040085555887,0.0,0.0,0.07239440791623912,0.0,0.0,0.23726635271969976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21445605298031434,0.0,0.10243893756563263,0.0,0.09854659377615807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17638895916804614,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kookie_st,2020/04/07,"Do I really have BPD???? (19F) CW: Self Harm, Sexual assault, . . . . My psychiatrist diagnosed me with BPD like a year ago but i dont really known what that means?(never heard of it beforehand) I basically told him I had childhood trauma(molestation, alcoholic/abusive parent), terrible relationships with basically everyone, have abandonment issues/manipulative, anxiety/suicidal thoughts/ tendencies, mood swings and self harm whenever I'm frustrated/sad/angry. I've been like this all my life. I'm wondering what it means to have BPD since I dont want to be misdiagnosed or anything. I was given Prozac but decided not to take it after 2 months as i felt even worse. Is there certain symptoms you have to show? I never really researched on it(im kinda dumb/lazy oops plus sites I've visited were pretty vague) and would like some input. Thanks!",6.025590094836673,8.829500705479452,6.9749315068493125,65.05905690200211,69.34246575342465,11.615595363540569,31.77871443624868,11.20814326018867,4.8068257112750254,677,30,103,26,13,225,108,146,0.161,0.716,0.12300000000000001,-0.7805,1,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,1,0,0,2,11,1,0,1,0,14,4,0,0,3,23,26,7,0,2,4,1,1,3,0,1,4,1,0,2,7,5,0,1,6,1,0,1,4,5,0,0,9,2,13,5,11,15,2,9,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,4,9,57,20,1,0.0,0.16269204312365387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171863589163134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299592106333647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5188182589175987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936859818711447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218568406478341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906931564157437,0.0,0.0,0.13120732016772887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184087231817435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832031914462745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698739318941704,0.2012508454977838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495728169590324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960097783391938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590333396168924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246851681008908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396954766881316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26389638737148186,0.0,0.0,0.14742149794015638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28649233178151257,0.0,0.0,0.1135857493369224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019683507036702,0.0,0.0,0.1427195478053754,0.1032413935122373,0.0,0.0,0.12641826751983012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901024037893353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120732016772887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099006399416928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489088021411006,0.0,0.0,0.13993246669990075,0.0975423711551525,0.0,0.0,0.08842430460148873 bpd,vexals,2020/04/07,"a vent I’ve lurked on here for a while. This is a throwaway while I can vent about my life. I know I have BPD. The psychologist hasn’t officially diagnosed me yet, but it’s blatantly obvious and he’s very open about it. I have every symptom and have been suffering from them since age 5, except suicide/self-harm. I’ve always been a weird kid, but it only started negatively impacting me in high school when things got more social and unknown. I’m not looking for confirmation, a diagnosis, nor am I thinking this because I want attention. I studied this through in and out looking for an answer because this disorder is the only thing that has properly structured and explained the way I am and have always been and why I’m suffering all the time. It’s honestly the only thing that makes sense at the moment. I’ve been isolating since the beginning of February. The Coronavirus lockdowns are a coincidence, I did it to avoid everyone. I always want to go out and have constant breakdowns. I don’t understand why I can’t outside and have a life like everyone else. I don’t understand why no one texts me or tries to talk to me when I supposedly have so many friends. I either smother someone with attention or completely ignore them because I have no gauge for whether or not someone likes me. I put up huge barriers between me and other people because I don’t want to go the other way and be rejected. I broke up with my girlfriend for this reason before February. She really liked me apparently. I couldn’t stay in the relationship because I was so insecure about being intimate and close with her. I have serious trust issues. I often find my ‘social battery’ outside is quickly drained and I can never do things too out of the way. In that sense I love my room because I don’t have to deal with anxiety and the pressure of being around someone. Now I’m back to full capacity, or in a better phase where I can go out and be social. I think. Either way, I’m totally socially deprived now that lockdown is over. I could make an effort to be social but I don’t know how. I’m really losing my grip with the world and the feelings of emptiness are seeping in hard. Today I slept as much as I could. I might add more to this but now I’m over it and disinterested.",4.065281189398835,5.801406407239824,5.486726567550097,78.21835746606335,72.03167420814479,8.852333548804136,30.728118939883643,9.3871,2.9590989528118943,1800,80,333,42,35,605,208,442,0.154,0.764,0.08199999999999999,-0.9854,1,4,0,0,0,1,39.0,0,0,2,3,19,21,1,3,24,0,45,6,1,4,5,76,74,36,0,6,14,0,3,3,2,1,4,0,1,1,22,30,0,3,13,0,0,4,15,13,0,1,8,5,49,8,49,57,8,52,0,6,2,1,18,25,0,6,21,248,71,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20441403565780067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264468056498837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289836167055389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296740506990997,0.0,0.2995117839906997,0.0,0.06968130704338364,0.0,0.0,0.07242395742072254,0.0,0.0,0.1031360320082766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585881139002281,0.08849266271285237,0.0,0.1307630299193944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442372028979635,0.0,0.08311537203931263,0.0,0.0,0.0938516184199392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840755485218425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899481577259624,0.15649644714630215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041405419721987566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484484704794295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326705617935803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961781567020348,0.0,0.06549392550726431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335624823772458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651997550866113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854705945806296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000784658756016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568091195462415,0.12002014165570507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753187563209548,0.09161258093879117,0.0,0.0,0.07390780694913714,0.0,0.10932277211984157,0.0830223540701497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687103816883575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06019766401679301,0.0,0.06315766332536156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055489946000749385,0.1868402859420005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056771358422118876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232082596953691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049200786094018,0.08419528827485095,0.0,0.08791788686457294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287580132377746,0.0,0.0,0.08542784046109524,0.0,0.0,0.13547846412040995,0.0,0.0,0.4173764136421902,0.208152252806402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05796128886447615,0.08728252711776273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511378077578292,0.0,0.06581908686872652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176130253025608,0.1049420273050674,0.0,0.0,0.047749997006680034,0.0,0.07762097357296648,0.0,0.0,0.055597095653254464,0.0,0.0,0.17049818323789948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756680664873863,0.14490034458103968,0.2599979580342435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22167561844744765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cosmiclexi,2020/04/07,"Has anyone else experienced having an abortion? I found out I’m pregnant a few days ago, and it was completely unplanned. I have never experienced pain like this before. I know that an abortion is the right choice for me, but it hurts so bad. I’ve never felt guilt or shame like this in my life. My appointment isn’t for another 2 weeks due to COVID. Which means I have to spend the next two weeks still pregnant. I have never experienced pain or depression like this and I’m just looking for someone to relate to. Having BPD on top of the regular grief someone feels in this situation feels like it truly will kill me",3.920250000000003,5.88997719166667,4.725000000000001,82.56,72.91666666666666,7.800000000000002,26.166666666666664,8.548686976883017,1.8585666666666665,493,17,94,9,10,159,77,120,0.271,0.637,0.09300000000000001,-0.9839,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,13,1,2,6,0,10,3,0,0,3,16,19,6,2,0,4,0,3,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,6,0,1,0,4,9,0,1,3,7,9,4,12,15,1,16,0,3,1,0,0,6,0,2,14,59,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683119756831325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186035789895875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793239378631292,0.15816049038859087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888450194298862,0.0,0.0,0.13134934709851712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19441154366097946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184396213625615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995497001175601,0.0,0.13295040240623215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894832269501127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609853137332996,0.11027511393412992,0.14821020886077144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924823170357592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652460207347777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077693284974932,0.0,0.08483244922242084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902932868022086,0.30165081404751043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962387501043204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681437482292525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571568126681068,0.0,0.16416405642680446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32850073734817176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182295412554512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735075780230433,0.0,0.0,0.2615781636260454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327242973820245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078769958577887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476372339459595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ThatOneWhovianChick,2020/04/07,"When you can finally start seeing your own black and white thinking... It’s like taking a weight off my shoulders and putting another lighter weight on. Okay. So I thinking extremes. That...(makes me a bad person) makes me human, and that’s something I (need to punish myself for) can accept. If I (stop talking to everyone so I don’t hurt them) regulate take responsibility for my actions, (people will see through me) it will be easier to interact with people and (hurt them just by existing) enjoy myself. I (need to show people that I’m good) would like to make friends. I (hate myself) would like to get to know myself. People putting up boundaries with me is (locking me out) something that I should respect. That voice in my head is something I (want to kill) can learn to deal with. The voice in my head (will) can (never leave) become manageable with time. (I will be okay) I’ll take things day by day. (I will get better) I will grow and change. I am loved.",2.560379637618638,5.064390945355194,3.2548403796376206,88.8818981880932,79.43715846994536,5.819844693701468,23.29278113316077,7.0608816371341465,0.8857825136612028,745,25,144,9,19,234,104,183,0.055,0.797,0.147,0.9384,0,0,3,0,0,0,47.0,0,2,2,1,4,18,3,0,3,2,19,6,3,2,1,27,38,9,1,7,2,0,2,3,1,9,0,2,0,2,7,10,2,1,5,1,0,4,2,6,0,0,0,8,29,12,24,27,1,18,0,2,4,1,11,6,0,1,11,94,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252121997089728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970268326449068,0.0,0.13187938805910604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056087812893039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632035352635151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401963882805025,0.12310686310498943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410173958885304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080823946276102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225616683785556,0.0,0.12477399481634127,0.0,0.0,0.10015576511328232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789303306430356,0.2450990087434801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25566257257718755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321098983051625,0.0,0.06562482445806693,0.0,0.0,0.12643835566436604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750136466141507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777253408455968,0.0,0.15941471775251653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17708257409470204,0.09209664992654937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311365017113929,0.10426454185342147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24008083554086845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19030923262960464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757838435054108,0.0,0.0,0.0845192847357879,0.0,0.0,0.09983242826713486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693452449664687,0.0959775438588797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933095350402014,0.15302670558769993,0.0,0.0,0.06962915546231246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043133858182514,0.0,0.0,0.2908193578999769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965142216450646,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LunaFox7,2020/04/07,"DAE accept horrible behavior/actions from a partner and justify them to being your fault? My ex boyfriend used to abuse me emotionally and physically. We’ve been broken up since 3 years ago, but whenever I’m in a depressive state or feeling super unproductive I think about our past and it really triggers me. I haven’t ever opened up about this before because I am deeply ashamed, so here goes: One thing I can’t seem to get off my mind lately is the time I almost walked in on him having sex with someone else. He locked the door before I could get in, but I heard them from the outside of his dorm. There was laughing and sounds of kissing. All I did was wait outside the entire night, waiting for it to be over. It was the longest night ever. The most horrible thing about it when I look back is the fact that I was trying to convince myself it wasn’t as bad as i thought and we could get through this. I even told myself that I might have done something wrong for him to cheat on me. It was always a constant struggle within myself. Replaying every bad thing in my head, every fight and hurtful thing he said. It’s like i was trying to reason through it all so that i wouldnt have to let him go. I blamed myself for everything he did and i guess that’s why i tolerated so much. To this day, I haven’t been in a long term relationship. I try to avoid it or settle for physical relationships/situationships. However, I havent been in one since last October and I could honestly say it feels so good being alone and trying to self discover. But the thought of opening up like that again terrifies me. I don’t know how it would be if i become emotionally invested in someone.",4.064186746987954,5.508352563253013,5.0500433734939785,82.50941445783134,71.56024096385542,8.20356626506024,27.737831325301205,8.726425361277474,2.038849734939759,1329,48,262,24,25,435,179,332,0.179,0.721,0.1,-0.9826,1,2,1,0,2,0,29.0,2,1,2,1,16,20,2,3,12,0,35,3,1,4,5,49,55,23,0,6,6,1,2,2,1,3,0,4,2,2,23,13,0,3,9,0,1,2,7,11,0,2,18,7,44,9,43,26,5,37,0,2,1,2,21,17,0,8,19,191,67,1,0.0,0.12265217063114806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176266160124463,0.0,0.10365855037075804,0.10721366288817734,0.0,0.0,0.08613545687745829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959912615537226,0.17286678984936715,0.06310374987510554,0.1143277478330216,0.17617277205117174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186642700750593,0.0,0.2479526408176504,0.0,0.0,0.06676069205513173,0.0,0.08916009654641491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593508617150592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647619482832447,0.23288814262388235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837281210689962,0.1872763242713009,0.17443714056985854,0.0,0.09303550682220828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468385109112892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16225200190974529,0.0,0.05883179353260229,0.08682617675449579,0.0,0.0,0.11403699691639425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623956509863904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081840217080097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05689090988855351,0.08438117075331883,0.11677306809945358,0.0,0.0,0.10585439987233128,0.0,0.1011475528355375,0.0,0.0,0.09161037266568706,0.08692923828343961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981647915730444,0.10452389874119712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609780722282307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942896855589485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402932583029107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881986024721408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631642644467392,0.10643397747830004,0.0,0.11113983433297124,0.0,0.0,0.0984695385593122,0.082321848398157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423910526730757,0.10799208642144313,0.0,0.0,0.1712626928945796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17542131427380225,0.07969338797805414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821972624944756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750916388388421,0.06633029947146687,0.0,0.16436381702253636,0.06036231017354843,0.0,0.0,0.09891610131809946,0.0,0.28112832192225684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940651053856398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340909792284788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353637781532732,0.11318092979531398,0.0,0.06666234369974287 bpd,Throwawayutbk12,2020/04/07,"BPD Isolators rise up I’m tired of reading about those with abandonment issues. Please tell me I’m not the only one here who can relate to these: -you grew up isolated in your room so you’ve learned to entertain yourself. You’ll watch a gif that makes you laugh, and then watch it again, and again til you’re cracking up practically euphoric. Then you’ll think about some dumb shot you said and you feel all that warmth drain instantly into your stomach. You’re narcissistic as fuck, but like your points are valid? For example an authority figure brings up one point, you sorta agree with them, however you then bring up your point which is also sorta valid, but they’ll deny your point. Causing you to become very angry, and isolate yourself from the conversation entirely. You now view that person completely different. Incapable of logic or empathy. If you’re anything like me you also have a flaring anger. You can’t stand being misunderstood. It’s almost a defense mechanism, when someone says “what?” Or “why would you think that”. Not everyone with BPD is looking for a partner to rely on. I want to be alone my entire fucking life. Conversations with people are so exhausting. And you always overreact and say something you’ll stay up thinking about at night. I honestly don’t know what to do. I want meds but idk if that’ll be a long term solution. Plus I can’t stand the thought of having to explain my past and how I feel day in day out to some fucking shrink. I smoke weed/tobacco and that shit is getting to me. 24 but I’ve been doing it for 4-5 years daily. Trying to quit but the soberness of being alone drives me insane. If you actually read this far, I’m sorry for my incoherent rants. I’m an illiterate mess",3.7378181818181813,6.0622756303030325,4.5763636363636415,81.84454545454548,74.51515151515152,7.793939393939394,26.45454545454545,8.648137234880735,2.103472727272727,1378,51,253,28,30,444,195,330,0.17800000000000002,0.733,0.08900000000000001,-0.987,3,2,3,0,0,0,37.0,0,21,2,1,13,15,7,0,11,0,24,8,2,3,1,52,47,30,0,6,12,0,2,2,1,6,3,3,1,2,16,15,0,2,11,3,0,5,5,10,0,2,3,9,36,5,41,34,4,41,0,1,4,3,33,18,5,10,17,161,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.1067844249492354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957477762308666,0.2266655905780964,0.0,0.17501657638131882,0.09105156785477282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004864014657282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208529108321936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27563755257180433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124111014783055,0.0,0.0,0.11473154520997506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114200825189355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432734434769815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456165715714123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065859654617208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034889542016048,0.05717080087965527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142127782517902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060137912188784226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729113392661878,0.10692046695069347,0.0,0.0,0.09683895999806028,0.09189065368735147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730430014630096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154811149495295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268930548148432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483003816431557,0.08322374204250986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445992320559787,0.07586251859288988,0.09554695062676252,0.0,0.12011737599700804,0.41377343949796175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638849337111032,0.2189121138467274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408960719296703,0.17404060156129966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232467285432902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271667138480412,0.08424182312498406,0.0,0.12249394582494764,0.0,0.11663403026350475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956435357229294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103481417093709,0.0,0.08687237393880612,0.0,0.12576960075683588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742933729248657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028827683741056,0.12908510430161374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874034603282032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773340662686762,0.0,0.0,0.07046704261835493 bpd,undead_inside,2020/04/07,"i’m losing my mind and i don’t know what to do i’m shaking as i’m typing this. i need to do something NOW. for context, there’s this girl that i met about half a year ago and developed feelings for. she said that she likes me back and i guess i grew attached because we haven’t talked in a week and i’m already losing my fucking mind. every night i seem to have these intense outbursts of anger followed by the urge to cut her off because being away from her makes me go insane. i miss her so fucking much. but i won’t give in and text her first. i need her to reach out to me, to reassure me and put my mind to ease. because i cannot under any circumstances let her know how clingy and pathetic i really am. i actually have been self harm clean for months and relapsed this week and i started starving myself as well, all because i’m terrified of losing her. what should i do? should i ghost her and force myself to get over her to get my independence back or should i let this continue? feelings don’t last and one day she’s going to break my heart anyway, right? but without her i am miserable. she’s my escape from reality, the only source of comfort i got left.. i am aware how ridiculous this sounds, oh god. it’s just that i don’t have anyone to talk to. so, if anyone reads this, i’m sorry for ranting and wasting your time.",1.6656956400999725,3.604159953068592,3.1765523465703964,91.26394543182451,79.43321299638987,5.849986114968065,22.928214384893085,6.844919456158928,0.6105830047209104,1045,34,225,11,26,343,147,277,0.161,0.741,0.098,-0.9584,1,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,1,1,0,4,12,16,5,2,4,0,22,3,1,4,1,39,50,22,1,6,6,0,2,1,0,4,0,2,1,2,13,14,0,0,5,1,0,6,7,12,1,3,4,4,48,4,34,39,2,31,0,5,0,2,24,9,2,4,16,153,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.11117728847250204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009902932398344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257223751008763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747494312282267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15932220564122618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703910125865042,0.17520719106858565,0.0,0.27779779240115826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347413152465261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959892491709792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521083450161035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690709405342372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106491904946504,0.11904535000535993,0.10929011370445968,0.129495809668239,0.0,0.09111862484600383,0.0,0.12550453046820234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350052222081154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522369277588796,0.0928665214107371,0.0,0.0,0.12378309954150128,0.2329981867851233,0.0,0.055659463463154535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.382368853099666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604782109760805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451043921431245,0.0,0.0909362383971732,0.0,0.08375018479452052,0.16895232892064932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691370528973024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720055765792333,0.08664737372720632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452910175157277,0.0,0.0,0.11395882518837824,0.0,0.07298519066904105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729388494340686,0.10837161216519507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371576749770224,0.11885174519758213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770733630366298,0.0,0.127533062594001,0.08063882100099919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18314201317594955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643232986801041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827723305631244,0.0,0.10243494939698856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982252131747687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336589328180895 bpd,Pretty_Train,2020/04/07,"I’ve finally reported my cousin to the police I’ve done it, finally, after all these years. I did it online because I couldn’t face phoning them and now they want me to contact them and so am so scared because I don’t think anyone will believe a female sexually abused a child. I’m am so fucking stressed the police just rang me.",3.758507462686566,5.071799179104481,5.1345074626865665,82.11758208955227,72.13432835820895,7.748059701492537,29.817910447761196,8.238735603445708,2.1610023880597016,263,11,51,4,5,88,47,67,0.16,0.82,0.02,-0.8762,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,3,0,5,3,1,2,4,0,7,2,1,0,1,7,11,5,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,9,0,3,7,1,5,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,0,5,34,12,1,0.0,0.3075874198933255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18152063985471312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165034831393069,0.0,0.0,0.29248398228111977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656642737262384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.568765377789455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399990364781395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599081576952972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973746644079069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634329070731374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531207325365499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671759920524292 bpd,archangelh,2020/04/07,"Every feel like dying I am currently feeling around 10 emotions running through my head at the same time. They switch in intervals that last seconds. I feel like I can’t be here anyone, then I feel like everything is other people’s fault, then all mine. I feel sad, angry, like I don’t care then anxious then that switches to not feeling like I even exist and that people are pointless. I really don’t know what’s happening to me. Nothing I know is triggering me well Idk .. I’ve been down for a a couple days now. Feeling like I don’t want to be in my relationship anyone idk why. At one point I think I don’t have a connection with my boyfriend then the next I feel afraid to lose him so I push him away. I’ve been agitating that he always seems disconnected when we get on the phone I know he doesn’t do this intentionally but it hurts but idk why it hurts so much. Last night we talked about it and mended it but this morning I got up and felt like the way I described above. It’s his birthday and idk how I even feel I don’t want to ruin it for him.. but I’m going through this and I don’t understand it.",0.8124375624375624,3.090281034632035,2.535606060606064,92.7080244755245,84.97402597402598,5.631768231768232,20.57292707292708,7.010146845296331,0.4137544455544462,873,27,192,12,26,287,122,231,0.13699999999999998,0.7559999999999999,0.107,-0.8922,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,0,1,1,12,16,0,1,7,0,18,1,1,3,1,37,42,18,1,2,5,0,10,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,16,9,0,0,16,0,0,3,9,7,1,2,4,10,33,9,20,36,3,28,0,5,0,0,12,10,0,1,21,123,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676962620416097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780714216964636,0.0,0.1458305264814786,0.0,0.0,0.09283164298422256,0.0,0.0,0.09797484555168724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632079282025522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538425212802605,0.0,0.0672522153449082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822656609761383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173013867657556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775240914977022,0.0,0.08786071399669078,0.0,0.09372047752834642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4745456204836007,0.3724896057308264,0.10012551389755728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05448219222355952,0.0,0.05926494058081915,0.0,0.08340254254001304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221479172872972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702175022785522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22326859765967547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192930174389964,0.1700048484180283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35662286870109045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666306638010945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665807470057852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090336245786077,0.09786006832968802,0.0,0.10005983282039448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066308128617531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445897645982428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985786613134256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680467884423548,0.0,0.0,0.1119580975252018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949329374254333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381661581584246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681865401070908,0.0,0.0,0.060806725597680175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855954861734947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301453464965273,0.08277290827857907,0.0,0.0,0.09376058121053947,0.0,0.18819363836112613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwawaysleepybaby,2020/04/07,"Coping with BPD-related symptoms I’m not sure if this is the right place for this, so sorry if not. But I’m looking for some advice. A few years ago, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and OCD. I’m considered “high functioning” so of course still work and whatnot but I still struggle emotionally. I have been through trauma as well and, in the last two months, I made drastic changes to my life that were good for me but also extremely stressful and caused a lot of emotional turmoil for me. I’ve been having mood swings, trauma responses, etc. a lot, and I seem to be getting agitated even more often than usual. I always chocked it up to severe anxiety in combo with bipolar but I’ve said to my therapist multiple times: “I don’t understand why I have so much fear ALL the time. Normal people don’t have this level of fear, I can tell. I don’t know how to get rid of it. I’m just always living in crippling fear and anxiety.” I was always interested in psychology so I knew about BPD even before my own diagnosis. I realized a lot of my symptoms matched BPD but I didn’t think much of it because I know sometimes symptoms overlap. But I looked into it more recently and stumbled upon something that really shook me. Not only do I relate to a LOT of the symptoms like I said, but it also said something like this: The BPD brain is always on high alert, and fight of flight can be easily triggered and override the rational brain, which sometimes results in reactions that are not always appropriate to the situation. It also mentioned that in the BPD brain, things can seem scarier and more stressful than they would to the average person. I read the whole thing, showed it to my boyfriend, and started crying as I described what it was. I’ve been searching for an answer for so long. I don’t want to be so afraid, so on edge, and so emotional all the time. I intend to talk to my therapist about this on our next video session. I want to make it clear that I am not trying to diagnose myself. I am here because I relate to a lot of the BPD symptoms and I would really appreciate any helpful ideas or advice on how to cope with these things because as much work as I’ve done with coping, understanding my emotions, etc. I have never been able to find a way to call this crippling fear and anxiety that I have all the time. It’s so hard for me to not feel on edge, and when I do get agitated it takes so long for me to come back to a rational headspace. Any advice or tips or whatever else would be helpful. Thank you in advance",4.3594333110665735,5.60761327054108,5.42304776219105,80.87018063905592,70.60320641282564,8.510376308171901,29.692774437764417,8.920646497554287,2.4077681585393007,1998,79,385,37,36,660,220,499,0.14400000000000002,0.765,0.092,-0.9828,1,0,2,0,1,0,47.0,1,1,1,3,27,21,1,10,22,0,37,13,3,8,6,81,66,47,0,8,19,0,2,2,0,3,10,3,0,1,29,22,0,0,13,3,0,3,12,13,1,1,15,7,46,7,67,44,20,44,0,0,2,0,14,21,0,14,21,281,75,4,0.055349952276219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622619983041405,0.04906439306784993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327900105137161,0.2302779714302189,0.0,0.0,0.07527973115713513,0.0,0.12702768597547792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0425606967517558,0.0,0.10122245150369973,0.0,0.04709873267044696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4182679636497762,0.1853665562055563,0.05651848976967744,0.0,0.0,0.05685964783373858,0.058552910366477424,0.04767908286624892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607993235418966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235807290603993,0.0,0.0,0.06343584060352707,0.0,0.0,0.056642218271541735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04623778277603202,0.2490449856433692,0.0,0.0,0.12345965577419972,0.07311624292122036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491363380538526,0.027986598950840345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050588853631531726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675419673787342,0.0,0.0,0.04642491390859367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04958268540089895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419981256765923,0.11696052700615853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062483358900504785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083777248941,0.04511759856483983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0390953081852509,0.05408238169615842,0.0,0.04887502191803562,0.09796593200606377,0.09296003934065528,0.0,0.0,0.23528275046108546,0.0,0.05237346314961605,0.0369465229437994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044179803837530965,0.0,0.12206575071046386,0.0,0.042689295411741913,0.0,0.05886530217727685,0.0,0.0542312013230821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04209613287043778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0383726876993963,0.04832944338041032,0.0578289194918284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536493075938072,0.0,0.07091719348935073,0.0,0.054651400404769526,0.0,0.0,0.04726855681688985,0.15795143887865504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077703550688967,0.0,0.0625296913345851,0.0,0.0,0.0622156654305615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522219483247595,0.1094850361915912,0.061959740005890426,0.03917698110574872,0.0,0.08840508677247319,0.0,0.1268063666488818,0.057863787882172675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05216667498055765,0.28764896766601805,0.04161627572516408,0.04448819502069638,0.0483782979373163,0.05095879955532765,0.0,0.12853112137977848,0.1103161465307112,0.03546601448548335,0.0,0.0,0.12910000913915454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037578984329263335,0.0,0.05406886071124173,0.11524250468090486,0.0,0.0,0.060960152649898236,0.0,0.0652936718406561,0.04393421578865052,0.0,0.0,0.04976625435836198,0.0,0.04994472279493832,0.061796245055647465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059084894367485,0.0,0.0,0.1179570540879408,0.0,0.0,0.0356435545464162 bpd,ZacharieMioda,2020/04/07,"I don't know where to go next For most of my life I have struggled with almost every symptom that comes with BPD, and almost a year ago I learned about the disorder, and spent a lot of time studying it. With the exception of over endulging in food/ substances/ gambling catagory, everything lines up with my behavior. I am 17, and am not sure where to go from here. I'm scared of bringing it up to my parents or family, and I don't know who I can talk to outside of that circle. I need help finding out the best way to move forward from here, and if it's better to keep this to myself, or bring it up with anyone else. I've been having issues in relationships and any way to begin working on myself, no matter how small, would mean the world to me.",7.616419172932331,5.543680059210527,7.628571428571429,79.04500000000003,64.19736842105263,10.264661654135338,34.214285714285715,8.418075326091056,2.5376022556390976,587,19,121,6,7,190,98,152,0.08,0.848,0.07200000000000001,-0.0675,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,6,5,0,2,6,0,9,3,0,1,1,33,22,10,0,3,5,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,13,1,1,5,0,2,7,4,2,0,0,2,0,13,3,32,19,3,26,0,0,0,0,5,13,0,7,6,87,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416222333968354,0.0,0.31996359211938985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086458324394596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171156092712686,0.16369835448372946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676637482281031,0.14129935944306204,0.0,0.0,0.2012187096268626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762359584257386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831047907033826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346334591368333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460909374127186,0.0,0.14358668364071234,0.0,0.1506124365763728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460225224099993,0.0,0.19318874576320752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18159651974862992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070872634552592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667533879059343,0.0,0.14200667386810456,0.0,0.0,0.17560558026110645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284690412609727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582668210720586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17403116817751516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698051514854036,0.0,0.11846389089353206,0.0,0.0,0.16991213062387256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17740037682128149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17152806253579922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995286275475087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670213032359669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057683500571914,0.1660572430961113,0.0,0.12841323706811505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316038822978624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536284002911382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631098751152227,0.0,0.0,0.11349263284641803,0.0,0.0,0.10288356760236993 bpd,PixxxiePunk,2020/04/07,Banned for sharing a picture of my dog and newly adopted dog I know this is silly but I got banned from a page about dogs getting a dog friend. it violates their standard because “two dogs playing picture” and they acted like two dogs playing- one that I recently adopted is fake but I literally just adopted him and wanted to share.. my dogs are all I have and I love them and it upset me that is all..,1.6778194444444452,4.169536587499998,3.069166666666668,88.89027777777781,83.125,5.055555555555556,26.38888888888889,6.42735559955562,1.113222222222222,317,14,61,3,9,103,52,80,0.184,0.604,0.212,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,3,0,2,11,1,1,3,0,5,1,0,0,2,15,10,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,1,2,0,1,0,3,0,3,1,0,13,8,5,9,3,2,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,0,2,44,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20508096144921556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599203651311529,0.0,0.175767666288019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690690235920093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848898444348704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435978388608133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30363581504097426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279696242659775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33217813557340664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6572747710256679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19843160482744127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Homesick089,2020/04/07,"I need someone that listens to my actual problems... Hi, is there someone here that want to try helping me? My girlfriend has bpd and i am experiencing now something that i am not sure how to handle it right. I would prefer it to be over PM or even better on Discord because i have kind of a lot ot tell and a lot of that is really private. Pls write me a PM if u feel to help... And sorry for my english, my native language is german.",2.4779047619047603,3.71874348888889,4.633174603174607,84.74500000000002,75.2222222222222,6.476190476190476,27.301587301587304,6.868970318607317,1.2861587301587298,334,13,69,3,7,116,63,90,0.068,0.841,0.091,0.2538,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,0,9,0,0,1,1,17,13,6,0,6,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,11,3,10,11,2,4,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,4,1,52,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.2158197057672676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13481673874795747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19559754778101013,0.0,0.0,0.27854256612205736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607372090442908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182485535024003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29647701465862736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303035184502399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37604368552153056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398691862937345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116197109033265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416803970664951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888689489547495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747753428929644,0.1702593378086308,0.0,0.24756988070853586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20844015001789576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933030940427569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015273896661274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044556470925114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15710531713284334,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fuckithavefunbro,2020/04/07,"How do I manage this new type of anger Hi all, A little bit of background; I’m 20, roughly 1 month on T and I’m autistic on top of other disabilities. I have been diagnosed since I was 17, and I’ve tried medication before but have been forced off my meds cold turkey I don’t have any faith I’ll be able to stay on my meds. I don’t want this as a suggestion, I use cannabis to treat my Mental health. I have been recently struggling with managing my anger. Prior to T, I would flip only for a short period of time, calm down, apologize, fix the damage, and everything was sort of ok? Now I’ve been struggling with much more massive mood swings (which I know are normal.) but the concerning one is that I feel like I have been verbally abusing my partner. I feel like I can’t control my anger once I’ve been set off, I get “locked” into my anger until I’m able to completely isolate and calm down. But this takes me 20-45 minutes now, versus 10 minutes max. I feel like since I’ve started T my overall swings have been less, but the swings I have had have been so extreme and violent. My partner is also trans, and insists I’m fine, and that I am not a dick to them. But my guilt tells me otherwise. My partner has severe ptsd, and doesn’t deserve to be yelled at the way I can get. What do I do? TDLR: I’m wondering how to manage testosterone based anger. I’m trans and I’ve recently started T.",3.187767857142859,4.2137283125000025,4.467599206349206,87.45875000000002,73.16666666666666,7.707936507936507,26.561507936507937,8.11559375814309,1.4910841269841266,1086,37,235,16,21,359,150,288,0.184,0.7020000000000001,0.114,-0.9828,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,1,2,6,20,6,3,8,1,35,4,1,4,1,33,53,20,0,3,7,0,4,3,3,1,3,1,0,3,8,12,0,1,5,0,0,0,5,10,0,1,11,6,33,9,26,39,5,27,1,1,0,1,8,12,1,2,15,136,41,4,0.25880077139795665,0.1533182973456322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348144169240127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799669960360545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101101974410814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412717067772206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567384246001524,0.0,0.14513353569953458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133866762774268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629672288120525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19628616916788144,0.2773309841963092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521272144750773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754655896318094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111506786771632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18965547655970774,0.1296931811714523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874693145655437,0.13035727498069433,0.13040515348904086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328615331323343,0.0,0.09512417248795474,0.0,0.0,0.12497569885291425,0.0,0.0,0.1267849036816756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780718759768354,0.08768505025793165,0.09841482432877348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126212620646615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25553453979778445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461856034844282,0.0,0.21408267247376855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18318051803573385,0.13792359388594375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27055475793694744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729298596893253,0.0,0.11310164065378042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545440551141065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878543678252059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176038627648906,0.0,0.0,0.07632370013364516,0.1027120030756759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032919843964914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192232132211373,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Chaoticbuticonic,2020/04/07,"I always push people away I don’t know when this started, but every time I feel that I’m getting close to someone, I distance myself to the point where the friendship/relationship is nonexistent. I don’t know how to stop.",3.4422093023255838,5.7867392093023255,4.24436046511628,83.77956395348839,75.51162790697674,6.16046511627907,27.02906976744186,7.1686216300943375,1.500306976744186,178,7,32,2,4,57,32,43,0.078,0.922,0.0,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,9,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,4,9,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,4,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803901056533755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.316599004713626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28391588114426797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703846309737598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605547358067106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37038517731581777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336159618615128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185501940022676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617849259829688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855177334988833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23851256382006805,0.0,0.0,0.2817260994672732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19649277011581448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,condensedwatermelon,2020/04/07,"I'm paranoid of people abandoning me because that's my own solution to all problems And being a dummy I didn't even realise I do this until now and this is probably where all my problems stem from. Up until now I didn't even think abandonment was such a big fear of mine. The precautions and measures I go through to prevent this unrealistic fear have created so many problems that I didn't even know what I was trying to fix in the first place, and I've just been building on top of this for such a long time that it's completely warped who I am. For the first time I feel like I know how to deal with my problems, instead of avoiding them.",7.895216284987277,5.82484509923664,7.9677480916030525,76.82531170483462,63.656488549618324,11.176081424936388,37.86386768447837,9.725611199111238,3.415380661577608,512,21,105,8,6,167,81,131,0.18100000000000002,0.726,0.09300000000000001,-0.914,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,3,12,10,0,3,6,0,11,0,0,1,2,21,17,8,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,4,4,0,0,1,3,9,0,2,6,1,15,1,18,10,3,17,0,2,0,0,3,7,0,0,10,81,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983957804429356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923831126897693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16640956963620274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198350124193153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632686828169914,0.08161519123879528,0.11531337845951906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745953901915553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173464732215124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741657158796806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788581694498637,0.0,0.0,0.14284530052412162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16364730390432528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190335240212386,0.0,0.1686420822962039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740303620699902,0.6178012257178025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342684224671372,0.0,0.0,0.18824227183392608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095887355937698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,NotTaken141000,2020/04/08,Can anyone talk man please Just so much going on rn I just a mess.,-1.6660000000000004,0.2457187333333373,0.7083333333333357,103.34250000000002,95.0,3.0,7.5,3.1291,-2.455,51,0,13,0,2,17,14,15,0.158,0.696,0.146,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906777177226596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31753971251038576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41073158537679466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6133188720947172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4490868265270806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,emr467,2020/04/08,"Integration of Thoughts, Feelings, Acts into an Identity Frequently, the thoughts/feelings/acts of a BPD do not integrate, or integrate well for that matter, into a larger identity. Such integration requires tranquility, which is usually not the state of the BPD psyche. How often do you experience the tranquility necessary to shape an integrated identity? How do you pass the time when you're so dysregulated as to make this impossible?",10.98916666666667,11.791384027777786,11.424444444444447,45.215,55.944444444444436,16.088888888888892,47.16666666666667,14.554592549557764,8.082933333333333,358,21,47,16,4,122,47,72,0.0,0.873,0.127,0.7998,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,1,7,3,0,0,9,0,4,0,0,3,0,13,7,6,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,1,2,3,9,6,0,10,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,4,37,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7596663195719424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29500598786334714,0.0,0.0,0.15248939773060893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013089565415353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394231699085297,0.17585543955542576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321510048247519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271159284761432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,UnknownSquidKid,2020/04/08,"I'm obsessed with this fictional character and I can't move on from it Ever since the beginning of the year I found this anime. That I really enjoyed. I'm obsessed with the main character and strive to be like them. I'm actually going to cosplay as him since I have the some what similar body type and build and funny enough the same bday. I told all my friends and they want me to do it. Sadly I have to wait longer since the convention got canceled due to covid19. Honestly the next part might sound silly but I'm jealous of his looks (main character) etc. I know its anime which is 100% fake. I've been losing weight to ""look"" smaller. For reference I'm 165cm and 56kg (I'm a guy) Before all of this happened I was about 61kg. How do you guys deal with this feeling? The reason why I'm cosplaying because I wanted a new hobby and want to express myself other than people video games 24/7 Sorry for any grammar or spelling!",2.507005347593584,4.525758417112304,3.907486631016045,86.64005347593586,77.12834224598929,6.966844919786098,24.903743315508024,7.928766900206844,1.456178609625668,732,26,146,12,17,241,124,187,0.099,0.815,0.086,-0.7398,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,2,1,3,11,1,2,10,0,10,2,1,2,3,28,31,11,0,3,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,11,10,1,1,5,2,0,2,1,6,0,0,5,5,17,5,20,24,9,9,1,2,2,0,12,1,0,3,7,88,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.15079693436146585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105084267418882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419877036495336,0.0,0.13149185691698834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17164565524961226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931147419255834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966862318918348,0.172339450253064,0.0,0.1397793276924124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813394663050309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943186059332266,0.11938786816262975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782176368447837,0.0,0.12359007382527,0.0,0.0,0.3060138212916123,0.1366485069932716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492448970230303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549452387052655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595290254943298,0.17287718752318326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392967649150034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423869693979282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924400367605614,0.16434216914984173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673386513833542,0.0,0.1071301853447815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899452629122718,0.158880412389918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38348121415897984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729813267901467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765802558329386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734336680138596,0.0,0.0,0.18817334575110628,0.0,0.0,0.13943738973748385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995108978244563 bpd,tempxerr,2020/04/08,"I feel selfish I haven’t been officially diagnosed. I relate to every single symptom of BPD, and my friend (who has been officially diagnosed) has given me advice and told me her experiences with BPD and I feel like I relate to it down to every single detail. But I haven’t been officially diagnosed. I feel selfish and guilty to say that I have BPD when I haven’t been diagnosed - and there’s a slim chance I’ll be seen due to the quarantine. Am I not allowed to say I have BPD? Of course, I’m not wishing it upon myself, but if i can’t say that I have it i’ll go back to life before actually discovering what BPD was and constantly wondering what is wrong with me. I’m sorry if I have offended anyone that has been officially diagnosed - i just need some help.",4.087486631016041,5.2455363464052285,6.1077480689245425,76.04668449197862,71.15686274509805,9.746642899584076,27.63458110516934,10.018931242160765,2.7323647058823526,603,21,118,16,11,211,76,153,0.109,0.828,0.063,-0.6739,1,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,2,0,20,7,0,1,0,23,32,11,0,4,7,0,3,1,1,0,7,3,0,0,9,8,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,9,7,21,2,13,22,3,7,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,4,5,84,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.1016371255530583,0.0,0.0,0.10177592637340524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282535507309379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008629964401827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862550440608845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6558776842033923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255108725617792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.528559385826217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755047546810358,0.0,0.0,0.10188043837719324,0.0,0.0,0.1579868273304174,0.07440606148213944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046741664436592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919186394396126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981075119004487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356549128557388,0.05088330498022251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722723454996305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484770575946562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658940484268505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825359157609604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952150120739396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976942150376857,0.0,0.11294817631464815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387363524422753,0.0,0.0 bpd,ManlyOldMan,2020/04/08,"How is working with BPD? Hello One of my friends has BPD and struggles a lot with working and BPD, and when I look online I also see a lot of negative stories about working while dealing with BPD. I wanted to find positive stories that may help them in their career or that offer tips but I havent been able to find any. I was wondering if anyone on this sub is willing to share their story with, it does not have to be positive, but that may help me in understanding my friends struggles a bit better.",7.268699999999999,6.062840470000001,7.432000000000002,77.40100000000002,64.3,10.0,36.0,8.841846274778883,2.9938,397,16,77,5,5,129,64,100,0.065,0.7090000000000001,0.226,0.9590000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,3,4,4,6,0,2,3,0,11,0,0,1,0,22,16,11,0,2,5,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,2,11,4,14,10,3,5,0,0,2,0,11,3,0,7,2,60,16,4,0.13394235881517236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711365595245197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910853970735121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365561159853174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846113166168525,0.14623036505938095,0.0,0.6747828482126239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380886905492036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721386082078512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448417787732817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20696706832443065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795574794601224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247784715966466,0.0,0.0,0.2277460072811621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076280878865288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673471840003693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800512708752215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943871925758572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900267355604207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525477453656008,0.2925348973897192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,magnolia666,2020/04/08,"I hate myself and hate everyone that loves me do you ever feel that your heart is so fully corrupted. I feel uncontrollable hatred for everyone who cares for me because I know that they will eventually fuck up and rip my heart to shreds. I don't even know what I'm saying right now I'm just in a black hole of emotions trying to make my heart stop hurting. I want to be numb and not feel all of these painful things",3.994627450980392,5.007513658823534,4.650294117647062,86.95465686274514,71.23529411764707,8.019607843137255,24.75490196078432,8.344100000000001,1.27378431372549,331,9,71,5,6,106,60,85,0.28,0.64,0.08,-0.9641,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,1,0,5,9,3,1,1,0,5,7,3,1,2,15,19,4,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,7,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,0,5,13,2,9,17,1,6,0,1,1,2,6,3,1,0,3,45,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255245257366426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17152337956689942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892379632642592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111541841488944,0.15217515917052807,0.0,0.3215051026055747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25518893161260586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555274498847553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321878511966543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5980659469475481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009546113191754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184911430771252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183563262826955,0.0,0.11229593293788086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790103371682668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366891018281075,0.0,0.13378456066933145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406491925935741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176563318846963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421824756098872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922738609854563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,friendlyvelvet,2020/04/08,"My family has a hard time believing I have BPD Three weeks ago my therapist told me that I have BPD. When I had the courage to tell some of my family members, they had a hard time believing it and I was even told my diagnosis is bullshit. Like, I wish it was bullshit. My behaviors have resulted in lost friendships, a shrinking allowance, and have almost gotten me into legal trouble. I'm guessing they are having a hard time believing I have BPD because I don't always show it to others. In fact, only a few people see the borderline side of me. I'd say I'm a bit higher functioning when it comes to my BPD but it doesn't mean I don't have my issues some days. Sometimes I question the diagnosis, but I know denial was what got me into a rough spot before starting therapy. I just hate that my family isn't the best support system when it comes to mental health.",2.958863198458573,4.8813282774566495,4.732277456647402,81.6766435452794,75.47398843930637,7.8503275529865135,25.98420038535645,8.648137234880735,2.0363213102119464,684,25,130,14,15,232,94,173,0.147,0.8009999999999999,0.053,-0.9397,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,2,5,7,1,0,11,0,19,1,0,2,1,20,36,7,0,1,3,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,10,6,0,0,3,1,0,2,4,3,0,1,10,6,25,4,10,26,5,18,0,1,1,0,7,5,0,5,11,89,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388710866835996,0.0,0.10605840560025803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812962548094913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456469895839075,0.0,0.09012572164618984,0.3579892406647556,0.11115108251066608,0.0,0.11563156562587025,0.0,0.5335840963306421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824725000910896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830630498701723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995574810304732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29954123432080465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470976722794504,0.0,0.11667712918167708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284636658963606,0.10456896969256142,0.0,0.11258251437738168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054756781918873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820802214913143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05174463730071222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561855147085287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537230282606956,0.0,0.0,0.10673723994429096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055300298648344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342800908488108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864885239130366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422772608672009,0.0,0.0,0.08440040883588626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475247779244258,0.0,0.07496706373779465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019089701977835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925742321799427,0.0,0.12112284178116955,0.12297528416953715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18527937210553808,0.0,0.0,0.2024123230832037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495849012140963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179683056824755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,skrttina,2020/04/08,"anyone else find comfort in suicidal ideation?? not sure if it's just me, but whenever i'm feeling numb or empty or am dissociating, i often find my thoughts drift toward jumping off the golden gate bridge. something in it brings me inner peace and a sense of relief. it calms me almost instantly. is this a bad coping mechanism or is it normal?",4.996923076923078,6.799544076923077,6.0,75.20000000000002,69.76923076923077,8.276923076923078,29.92307692307693,8.841846274778883,2.667830769230769,275,11,46,5,5,91,53,65,0.188,0.616,0.196,0.1708,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,16,7,6,1,2,7,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,1,1,5,4,5,6,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,6,0,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914903395012933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20354091292185056,0.2982619904233393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430527876449323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431731420044934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718675490692593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5321124737997528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852120242073561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22409972582719428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31841149781672434,0.0,0.2743542942877685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23109750548442484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,coldkingofheII,2020/04/08,DAE with BPD struggle with hypersexuality? I (22F) can’t really tell if I have a high sex drive or if it’s a side effect of my bpd. It’s almost like an impulse and I know some times it gets to be too much for my SO because I’m asking for it daily sometimes. I’m strictly monogamous but I’m always “in the mood” and I do t know what to do to calm that down or lessen the impulses or if this isn’t even a bpd thing?,-0.5735483870967713,1.2495134193548445,2.6283978494623668,92.78259677419355,86.84946236559139,5.440430107526883,17.902150537634412,6.742157984588678,-0.14982494623655904,320,8,79,4,10,115,63,93,0.02,0.92,0.06,0.5046,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,6,0,6,1,0,1,0,16,13,10,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,10,12,2,6,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,8,2,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000454342656732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662284955277954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867623111829636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178076002806053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7548274580189924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194925880179453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437399862792256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21107286467328654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21958182385763844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759979306831616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468573391978431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798074331179127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19758221700386827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20884781869176247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461183178679462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272138708659778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649019312692566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,liquorjam,2020/04/08,"DAE instantly want to kill themselves as soon as it becomes quiet? I’m not sure if this is a BPD thing or an ADHD thing, but I cannot sit in complete silence OR even listen to music because it triggers my overthinking and extreme anxiety and ends up with me having a huge meltdown. I play youtube videos or podcasts in the background at all times because then I can hear people talking and focus on what theyre saying instead of what’s going on in my head, but it doesn’t work with music. I can’t focus on music the same way because its essentially just sounds and not an actual human saying something coherent so it doesn’t work for me as a distraction. The only time I listen to music is when I’m walking home from work or to the grocery store because then I can focus on the trees or the ground or whatever else, but if I’m just at home sitting in my bed I go crazy if I listen to music or am in complete silence. I dread going to sleep every night because it means I can’t focus on something that’s not my own head (overthinking) and I don’t want to change bloody sheets every single night if you catch my drift. Can anyone relate to this? Having to listen to someone physically talk at all times to not go out of your mind?",8.359156363636362,5.899332791999999,8.613636363636363,73.7868181818182,63.08,10.690909090909091,36.32727272727273,8.575989854853784,3.0169600000000005,978,34,187,10,11,325,128,250,0.08800000000000001,0.877,0.036000000000000004,-0.9277,1,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,3,7,5,1,2,11,0,14,3,3,1,3,37,29,26,1,6,20,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,3,1,13,8,0,0,1,2,1,7,10,3,0,0,0,9,20,2,35,29,5,37,0,0,0,0,12,17,0,11,10,130,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.11643912530789735,0.0,0.14339947406923628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127948706654553,0.0,0.0,0.08343133081347684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636818769830869,0.13177958522419045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502793854943182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622475762182836,0.0,0.2502095371272331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967656410836252,0.0,0.1056821197627359,0.0,0.0,0.07880974645996056,0.0,0.2010645225476076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27124926351369155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449135242923645,0.0,0.1344823320384013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393754133382066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200992102618575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299744793069872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047920372093447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22394750759624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907482503453732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082721476589957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18977613470777144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940618934584007,0.0,0.10109946392124716,0.18371675838829304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245770473481807,0.0,0.0,0.19180982118132292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854183587072634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20872938587389764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407560760129956,0.09471067628437582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605991822810411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sofarawaynb,2020/04/08,"advice/resources for healthy relationships with FP? so i'm very new to recognising and learning how to manage my BPD traits. I'm also in a relatively new relationship- my first ever- and I'm very aware that immediately I became very emotionally dependant on him. I'm doing my best to make sure it doesn't come out harmfully- that i'm not stifling by needing his attention more than reasonable etc. But I don't like how dependent *I* feel, i hate knowing that my mood is pretty much dictated by his, or whether I've seen him that day etc. Right now i don't have access to therapy (waiting for CBT and counselling) so I'm doing a lot of self-therapy- I've been heavily researching DBT techniques which has been an amazing start. But I've no idea where to start on coping with/working on Favourite Person feelings and thoughts. I care about him so much, he's so amazing, and i'm desperate to be able to keep this relationship healthy for him and for me too. He's amazing, and since I've opened up to him about likely having BPD he's been more understanding and helpful than I could've dreamed of. I want my relationship with him to be something I enjoy and makes me happy, not something I feel painfully dependent on *for* my happiness. if anyone has literally any basic resources or advice for a new borderline it would be so appreciated x",4.663255813953487,6.4277776899224826,5.7231705426356605,77.00661627906976,70.5503875968992,9.035968992248064,31.892248062015504,9.516144504307137,3.1233141085271314,1076,49,197,25,20,356,141,258,0.038,0.758,0.204,0.9924,0,0,2,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,2,14,15,1,0,4,0,17,1,0,8,2,47,42,23,0,4,8,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,14,0,2,10,1,0,1,6,3,0,1,5,4,26,11,32,33,8,20,0,0,1,0,17,10,0,7,11,126,34,3,0.1045708179494424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218539304302897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362524533377315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111174209176294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311834730287257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974062193116227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634065690646009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066169181791376,0.0,0.0,0.0900785003304339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349128912773021,0.0,0.0,0.06743952664946475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117628095345818,0.0,0.0,0.2332482081219705,0.0,0.09459029162758187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862244267027747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889478843277686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22263516038728007,0.0,0.1032420333617656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070091615013272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804772506121294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294734773231923,0.0,0.0,0.05746938678186584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217603914811478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890236993277838,0.0,0.0,0.1396036659739236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374316653072867,0.0775379364974885,0.0,0.3029854427927478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127072308906433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130720474897587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063861157422437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075162170971624,0.0,0.4490796957662377,0.0,0.0893029071635817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909016916924533,0.0,0.0,0.0865020612127948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100744905082187,0.0,0.0,0.14803152633532307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855675837255244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391716875246771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301754877814392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886190937333792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588456290508723,0.061678577763051114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612880089962493,0.0,0.0,0.07428410878794463,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,markcorrigansbitch,2020/04/08,splitting someone close to you challenges you or says something that reminds you of your abuser and you completely split into blind anger and then spend weeks feeling guilty thinking about it nonstop :* 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bpd,throwaw444yyy,2020/04/08,"i feel like i’m going to be abandoned again i can just feel it. maybe i’m imagining it, but i’m usually right when i start to feel this way. it’s always early, then things go back to normal and i’m like, “maybe i was just imagining it, everything is going to be fine.” then i start feeling it again, and i’m right. it’s going to happen again. i feel it. i got too clingy, too bold maybe, too annoying, too emotional, etc. i just know it’s going to happen again.",-0.9643877551020416,1.1519050102040822,1.7093877551020429,95.27489795918372,95.83673469387756,5.248979591836736,15.16326530612245,6.868970318607317,-0.1638857142857142,353,8,81,6,14,121,44,98,0.059000000000000004,0.789,0.152,0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,13,6,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,16,26,6,0,1,4,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,1,8,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,2,5,8,4,6,22,1,20,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,14,48,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128621566995156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188612066238244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387983372219287,0.0,0.0,0.17239571687789634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892505023436594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3907972818204285,0.11043080136309087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.439252181831701,0.0,0.12363042440261444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733862419638357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495221646129025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103834373271702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4658841762951248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514539591191058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640181259904091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21882269800557055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269498455512653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024620960042233,0.0,0.0,0.12269709613001215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dizzygalok,2020/04/08,"DAE High risk behaviour during pandemic Hi guys, I feel like absolute shit about myself for writing this, because I know it makes me look like a terrible person. But since corona struck, I’ve been struggling so hard to stay inside. My impulsivity has been going off the walls, and I get this strange rush of mania and I just have to leave the house, I’ve been taking public transport still, just walking the streets, going to shops just so I have an excuse to spend money, its so hard. My housemates and peers are obviously not understanding about this at all and think I’m trash for breaking quarantine, which I guess I agree with, I’ve been thinking about it and why I’m behaving so inconsiderately, and I’m starting to wonder if it’s because it’s a way for me to engage in high risk behaviour like I get to roll the dice on if I get sick or not, and because when I’m feeling dark it almost feels good to defy the rules and be awful. I know this is so selfish and wrong, but I’m so disconnected from reality, I can’t even comprehend other people’s thoughts feelings or sufferings right now, I want to so desperately. It’s causing confrontation with my peers leading to me splitting on everyone which is even more nightmarish, and while being left on read by my new crush. Saddest part is I’m studying to become a therapist some day, and it’s my behaviour like that this that makes me question whether I’ll ever be stable or whole enough to help or empathise for others. Praying some of you can relate to this or offer me advice on this, and I truly hope you guys are all doing okay during this pandemic x stay strong x",8.377833859095688,6.819378476340695,8.397741324921139,72.49570767613041,62.343848580441644,11.229358569926395,36.275289169295476,10.047579312681364,3.4586510620399578,1295,48,243,22,15,423,174,317,0.11900000000000001,0.753,0.127,0.6715,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,0,2,19,18,2,3,9,2,18,2,1,4,4,56,48,31,0,4,15,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,22,14,0,0,12,2,3,6,3,9,0,0,5,7,26,9,33,40,8,31,1,1,1,0,12,13,1,14,12,157,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475661251687196,0.0,0.0,0.11759469081776472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147627744010384,0.12969828451419455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063860871610445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573618300587281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134226511326428,0.0,0.15513008181754648,0.10622713404442732,0.0,0.1122146538784896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23751567157062886,0.0838959454427881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18406560704250696,0.0,0.13348260314226007,0.09849932662394087,0.0,0.0,0.1293684442451238,0.23255921852281236,0.0,0.0,0.21039828458534646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078714540945914,0.2481541091141433,0.0,0.11663995030413525,0.0,0.13550480106464954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290789603898035,0.0,0.0,0.1243472393056161,0.1275940155449648,0.0,0.0,0.22949221574342896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861624402812996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677821775719314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134199387387954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717120367347556,0.0,0.08141498994662992,0.1025401498525794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155463759681493,0.0,0.11746728080352208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028927627342968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054585427448213,0.09714386004590138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312145210808425,0.25034123774077155,0.0937841428673901,0.0,0.0,0.12276908371928118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829688179057933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635166810492097,0.0,0.15049585452040598,0.0,0.09323067019199464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225449821915825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926650119127832,0.09321483459190497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596727380920712,0.1311125431024778,0.0,0.0,0.1273537914680613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839728510714027,0.0,0.0 bpd,lowknees,2020/04/08,"When did you start to think you had BPD? I'm not here to ask for a diagnosis or anything, but rather some outside perspective. What was the thing that made you start to think or realize you had BPD? I've been diagnosed for social anxiety, but despite the medication and therapy I'm still struggling with thoughts and emotions and behaviors I can't explain. I googled some of my irrational feelings and behaviors after feeling frustrated about my lack of progress and I got some results on BPD. One of the main things I feel frustrated with is why I feel such anger to one of my closest friends. I always wanted to support them and see them suceed and be happy, and now I'm struggling to not tear them down and have these terrible irrational thoughts! Their love and affection makes me angry! Is this the idolization and devaluation cycle? I know I still love them underneath these irrational feelings and wants to push them away and hurt them. TL;DR What is enough of a red flag to go see a professional about it?",5.205238095238098,7.237022539682544,5.2446349206349225,79.90314285714288,69.63492063492063,9.272804232804233,32.7058201058201,9.725611199111238,3.326428994708995,816,38,148,20,15,255,109,189,0.214,0.6409999999999999,0.145,-0.9459,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,4,7,1,10,12,3,2,7,0,11,4,0,4,0,44,39,18,0,4,7,0,5,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,9,15,0,0,12,0,0,2,3,7,0,2,9,8,23,5,24,29,6,14,0,1,3,2,17,5,0,5,7,108,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519195654431736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671131184097967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403327327961688,0.0,0.11818607188675155,0.0,0.11877619100789745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4776664609174331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831411368973428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220601054819124,0.0,0.13062613756132654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196099351552765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767213982478724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184766521306188,0.0,0.10110999683128652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13457693875495286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353357254730285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694773829234722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281988159529616,0.11962210335388705,0.08438664392928028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273553212033924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713315615409777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20148149025111572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886974641987167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17896211558656533,0.0,0.2019190977823216,0.0,0.0,0.2643242435473508,0.0,0.0,0.1434604487121087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457282258533205,0.0,0.16797628274967372,0.1620102622663419,0.0,0.2007274602640149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913213470274414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140748087459851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nice2afault,2020/04/08,"Discarded now being stalked 2 years ago I went no contact with my best friend who has BPD. She had stopped going to therapy and was leaning so heavily on me that I felt like I was going to break at any moment. She was calling me 30 times per day and lashing out if I didn’t respond. I tried to establish firm boundaries and she exploded, stating that I was no better than her abusive father and that she’d be better off without me. She blocked me on everything, and I did the same. Since then, she has reached out from at least 20 different fake profiles. Sometimes the messages are so so sweet, stating how perfect I am and how sorry she is. I don’t respond, then the next message is “you are the worst person in the world and I hope you die.” I decided a long time ago that I can’t be friends with her for my own mental health. But now, she’s threatening to spread damning lies to my family and my job. I know she’s doing it so that I will reach out, but frankly I am scared of her at this point. I don’t want to break no contact. Any advice for how I can get through this? Any insight from the other side of things would be so helpful.",3.3463273001508282,4.388101038461542,4.250884866767223,89.10228506787331,72.80341880341881,7.215284062342888,29.149321266968325,7.510576382923642,1.57966395173454,889,36,191,10,17,287,135,234,0.124,0.753,0.12300000000000001,-0.0335,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,4,10,13,1,1,7,0,27,1,0,3,1,31,35,21,1,4,4,1,1,1,2,2,1,0,0,1,11,13,0,2,4,0,0,3,8,4,0,0,9,2,39,9,27,19,5,34,0,0,0,0,27,13,1,2,15,141,50,1,0.0,0.17546264465761288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471200769088402,0.26254601451443155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30211919713893154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541150503005408,0.26194745546250514,0.0,0.0,0.18651439463688732,0.0,0.15121662887874113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550591340444713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369422400093408,0.15472271628082326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330939027828378,0.0,0.1396062398219384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421897942072755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288282078333971,0.0,0.07737100563753659,0.0,0.1683261214222576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574129338576402,0.0,0.0,0.0992617244873342,0.0,0.0,0.1470869609626609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695665065131402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138648875642901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234938048728654,0.0,0.0,0.1310551471146066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492400679130089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574955840018198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930663103975132,0.0,0.0,0.13999308487670753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148264102391186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250172529289148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646497237477296,0.16577482958365847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381001957394812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935402435619398,0.0,0.09838453372956896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270514702173928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054350974549532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734742367581802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728107835500233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275364666659238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519901330422933,0.0,0.0,0.09536521909430604 bpd,hfl92,2020/04/08,"Horrible realisation Just had a horrible realisation that my gut feeling (or what some have previously called paranoia) that my girl friendship group (5 others) don't actually like me is probably true. Searched the internet 'nobody likes me' (pathetic I know) and found a thread on Reddit where the poster had described their difficulty in making/keeping friends. A commenter said (I've removed a one or two things that they originally said that I don't think apply to me): >""Do you tend to dominate conversations, so the other person isn't able to contribute? > >Do you interrupt people? > >Do you sometimes come across as a know-it-all? > >Do you talk about yourself a lot, and perhaps not show much interest in what's going on with the other person? > >Do you tend to overshare or discuss heavy, emotional, or hot-button topics with people you don't know well, or discuss such things in places or situations where such topics are socially inappropriate? > >When talking to people, do you complain a lot, and seldom have much to say that is positive or neutral? On the flip side, if the person you're talking to is talking about something bumming them out, are you overly upbeat, perhaps causing the person to think you are being dismissive of what they're saying?"" Yes to all, except the second to last point - I only overshare stuff like this to people I do know well. I've been really bad with BPD/depression/anxiety symptoms almost constantly since September 2019. A lot of bad stuff has happened in my life since then. This is just the nail in the coffin. I feel suicidal for the first time since 2015, and I can't turn to anybody, and I need someone so bad. There's no wonder that nobody has the time of day for me when I've turned into (or maybe have always been) this bitter, angry and jealous person. There are worse words that would better describe me but I can't think of them. How am I supposed to improve myself and get out of this hole when I feel so disgusted by myself? There's no light at the end of the tunnel for me right now.",7.0337136742509605,7.494137593264253,7.218429826537509,73.20168844334313,64.25906735751295,9.71822482541113,32.84478486145528,9.54385415503706,3.0875806713223715,1645,62,281,29,23,532,201,386,0.127,0.821,0.053,-0.9734,0,0,1,0,0,0,74.0,0,9,4,2,20,16,3,0,22,1,28,3,1,3,2,52,50,25,2,3,14,0,3,3,1,1,2,4,0,6,21,14,0,0,11,1,0,3,9,7,2,4,7,9,34,9,44,41,7,35,0,0,0,0,36,20,0,15,15,199,55,0,0.08770586791718775,0.0,0.08558827536362687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878247576326914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297830807768987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709474889513145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21969220870290435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756871283099616,0.0,0.0,0.11046247035223974,0.0,0.08955749724734673,0.0,0.0,0.09009808604417367,0.0,0.07555083920237726,0.0,0.09477888513807434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05656302908116592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865729651974756,0.07768136649383914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304016625620385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746025664457965,0.0,0.0961649572071047,0.06776133598900712,0.0,0.04582269606052745,0.0,0.0498452659198571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755800934609222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795700524600496,0.0,0.0,0.19280340520274086,0.07149198829876302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061949248280573126,0.12854597060948605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22369317753502765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811233279269788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289478089712713,0.0650327897435776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05943176594638885,0.06670426472879355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24321682246051235,0.3829069044612937,0.09163396473104336,0.0,0.08291039422355417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945617596920004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618662482485093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490033198455766,0.16685672966181406,0.13949445284704362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21765360080558666,0.09858507027073304,0.0,0.08940508728118361,0.07431289726993412,0.06752026204367094,0.08674334600333436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008044706402501,0.09593598426301186,0.0,0.0,0.09115997874300087,0.0,0.2819786175704234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653576295147886,0.1685951362608125,0.0,0.0,0.102283993788837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079759783985156,0.08567588879404413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577162166176967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511327247434836,0.0,0.0,0.08937977232953494,0.0623037321640862,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwawayninja777,2020/04/08,"I fucked up so badly and I lost my boyfriend I just split on him out of nowhere and hit him on the shoulder. The neighbors heard the ruckus and accused him of being abusive which, of course, I denied. He's leaving me now. I deserve that. I never regretted something so much.",1.1799206349206344,3.774325722222226,2.0593121693121685,94.03833333333333,88.07407407407408,3.8264550264550254,26.232804232804238,5.288315135182226,0.6316804232804234,215,10,42,1,7,67,39,54,0.318,0.647,0.035,-0.955,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,3,0,1,2,1,0,1,7,5,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,1,11,0,7,1,1,6,0,2,0,1,6,4,1,0,2,33,13,0,0.0,0.4479421122632025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156663049125845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495125885786723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.400313484301264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4126997598553727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779193578929838,0.0,0.2915850228425665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910508991451539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ProfessorWT,2020/04/08,"Participate in a Research Study on Creating and Validating a Personal Identity Inventory (18+; drawing for $50 gift card). I am a Professor Emeritus in the Psychology Department of Fordham University and, along with my colleague Professor Emerita Dr. Georgiana Shick Tryon, am developing a Personal Identity Inventory. This study asks you to answer 82 questions from which I will later construct a much shorter test. It also asks you to answer four additional short questionnaires consisting of 6, 10, 7, and 8 items respectively concerning your feelings and attitudes. Upon completion of the study, you may enter a drawing to win one of three possible $50 e-gift cards. You must be 18 years of age or older to participate. Your participation is completely voluntary and anonymous, and you can end the study at any time. All data are confidential. This study should take approximately 45 minutes to complete. If you are interested in participating in the study, please click on the link below. [https://fordham.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_0HxQWMDYaQSKXRz](https://fordham.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_0HxQWMDYaQSKXRz) Thank you very much for your time!",11.531408591408589,13.231711241758244,10.313276723276722,50.590814185814196,54.714285714285715,14.090709290709293,43.46853146853147,13.172668634160411,6.770246153846152,954,49,124,34,11,300,122,182,0.0,0.878,0.122,0.9612,0,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,0,10,0,1,1,4,0,0,11,0,11,1,0,0,2,20,16,9,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,4,9,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,2,13,4,24,11,4,19,0,0,1,0,15,10,0,4,7,79,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14901143975916534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671368592800428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3483947581463966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5861037768314044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503684671031302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421620016807604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739542408089618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626491640045076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253997757668737,0.0,0.2045390614704961,0.0,0.2100638800077605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20873701489923802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401001733314998,0.0,0.0,0.17155155107139058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21730600999643448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374527833984894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999315371423686 bpd,insatansshadow,2020/04/08,"i think i might have bpd, but i have no way to get tested i think i might have bpd, but i have no way to get tested gonna keep this as short as i can i’ve looked up symptoms so many times, and i identify with pretty much all of them. i’ve taken online tests (and i know that they can’t tell me whether i have bpd or not, but they certainly seem to point towards it. i’m not self diagnosing either, just making an observation). i’ve felt this way since the first time i looked up bpd symptoms, which was months ago, and it still feels the same way. i feel like if i didn’t have such a supportive boyfriend, i wouldn’t still be in a relationship, and i most likely wouldn’t still be here either. i really want to get tested for it, but i can’t see my therapist for months anyway because of coronavirus (which is REALLY fucking with my mental health and anxiety badly since i’ve felt seriously actively suicidal heaps of times since january), but even after, i don’t know how to bring it up, because what if she thinks i’m just attention seeking??? i don’t know, maybe it’s stupid. anyway, any answers would help. thank you<3",4.431578947368422,5.049981456140351,5.1915087719298265,84.91489473684213,69.96491228070175,8.887017543859649,26.16491228070176,9.029198982220553,1.7358259649122814,884,25,189,16,15,287,124,228,0.12300000000000001,0.78,0.09699999999999999,-0.7785,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,3,1,12,9,2,0,5,0,21,5,0,2,2,48,49,18,1,6,15,0,4,2,0,6,4,0,0,1,11,7,0,1,13,0,0,1,11,4,0,1,5,7,26,5,20,36,6,23,0,0,3,1,8,7,1,7,13,120,37,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581670759105335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658344908833504,0.0,0.07405980251469996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083276191994193,0.11802962024932047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4877179734205038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826066608770563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394245242420314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790064152270547,0.06916147322565583,0.18590661167697267,0.0,0.0,0.08234700075710964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949978955918687,0.15173854333539494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290508306435094,0.0,0.0,0.06489006813580885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604966123623863,0.0,0.0,0.15961363238494194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945934851253291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259295213777353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462179103264548,0.09815069837194122,0.09725920542509454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756226003008432,0.20540138038876532,0.0,0.0,0.15454650797830133,0.0,0.0711668902885526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151725766512107,0.0,0.0,0.09849112904462344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403862916306235,0.0,0.0,0.10393829579744164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714547085712409,0.08813268489868364,0.10099451281011064,0.0,0.0,0.2402480515646545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231939080667634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589502406033413,0.10985946005736016,0.0,0.2012464502550894,0.0,0.0,0.08461668408082204,0.08913014361724965,0.0,0.11240450528497684,0.0,0.18609686602941775,0.0,0.0,0.16935302326541093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05710136815660932,0.30737482021742496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687714340687517,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,drivelikeoli,2020/04/08,"BPD & drug abuse in early teens hi. so this is my first post, and i'm basically gonna tell you my story along with asking some questions i really need answered, and maybe see if anyone else has experienced this. i'm currently 16, my 17th birthday is a week from now. recently i received a diagnosis of emerging BPD - i'm not 18 so it is labelled as an emerging disorder. i also have ADHD, which combined with BPD makes me extremely volatile and scarily impulsive at times - i've had issues with self harm since the age of 9, and abused drugs since around my 14th birthday, so for three years. on new year's eve 2017 (going into 2018) i thought it would be a real clever idea to take 500ug of LSD - this was my first ever trip. long story short, i tried to kill myself and multiple other people, had the most intense ego death experience i think i've ever heard of, and get the police called on me. i ended up in the resuscitation ward in hospital and i was there for the night, it was insane. i have no idea what really happened but i was stuck in a 36 hour trip. since then, i've not really had any negative mental health issues besides ones that were already present, however recently i've been experiencing weird hallucinations. i'll see things like people or animals in my peripheral vision and theyll be moving around but when i go to look, they aren't there. the thing is, this isn't just a normal ""oh, i thought there was something over there"" kind of thing, because when it happens i'm convinced that it was real. the other day i was sat at my desk and i saw my cat come into my room and walk to my bed, but then i looked up because i could swear the door was shut so i don't know how he could've got in, and there was no cat - i searched the whole room but nope, nothing. there's other things too, like thinking everything is twinkling or much brighter than usual. man idk what's going on. that's not the only thing though, i've been really fucking paranoid too. its as if i know something bad will happen to me and there's no way to change that thought, so i'm suspicious of everything all the time. thing is, i'm struggling to see why this is happening, is it because of LSD, or something else? it just hasn't happened before. i've also been getting migraines on and off recently. the obvious answer is stress but i don't know why i'd be stressed... i've struggled with substance abuse recently too, i've been doing shitloads of ketamine just to feel numb and forget things, and even though it makes me dissociate i much prefer it to being aware and feeling alive because that shit just hurts too much. i think the worst thing ive been having recently is intrusive thoughts. i'll be cooking food and my brain will just stop for a second and go ""chop off your arm."" there isn't even a ""what if"" side to it anymore, its just a straight, imperative statement. fighting the physical and mental urges to act on them is close to impossible too, and i don't know why that is because i don't wanna chop off my fucking arm but apparently some alter presence in my head and body does. jesus this barely makes sense i'm sorry. i hate talking like this but i just wanna know if anyone else has experienced anything like this. what the fuck is going on things just seem so out of hand.",4.137356410256409,5.4794176215384605,4.9404807692307715,83.76097756410256,71.24615384615385,7.816666666666666,27.38782051282051,8.278499904357787,1.7551666666666668,2594,90,515,39,48,840,301,650,0.151,0.7929999999999999,0.055999999999999994,-0.9963,3,0,5,0,5,1,75.0,0,2,3,2,41,24,7,4,24,0,56,17,7,4,4,101,112,52,2,11,25,0,3,4,0,5,5,1,4,2,43,33,2,1,22,1,0,12,16,17,0,5,27,13,50,7,61,74,9,79,1,1,6,3,17,33,4,12,36,330,93,1,0.0,0.19698994950863336,0.0,0.0,0.06660374451062262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061157048993573625,0.08863827443510043,0.0,0.060047253161624035,0.0,0.03768731610848935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496147939155139,0.07750152610739826,0.11356812301669435,0.04560571485771271,0.09867061685809876,0.05180996545339285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04627315878840557,0.1689167618985132,0.0,0.04715810747929669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155882537825608,0.20939762565330533,0.061866745911359135,0.056589739553616014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05862672483373561,0.047739189291003965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884962880420426,0.0,0.0,0.03574114041202306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635158107151734,0.0,0.04849817826982959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853858196169,0.0,0.13888821669662552,0.0,0.049085430401368084,0.0,0.0,0.07320841658919641,0.1002606353466286,0.0,0.0,0.09961535778839116,0.05421112912390353,0.0,0.0,0.05604376026583971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427998626489158,0.06701375622702899,0.0,0.0,0.15370393917392866,0.057909042021305014,0.0,0.1574815455480481,0.0,0.04432421992873462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24503741641363844,0.0,0.0,0.05471550875475963,0.056876630493389965,0.05890858032893745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05457726956003501,0.0,0.05932796605750858,0.1251242565406171,0.0,0.11568759704932773,0.0,0.0,0.061313718965596835,0.057711119482243674,0.15228616839497278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108301120822476,0.0,0.0,0.04904471616229143,0.09307722900274523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097929824319362,0.0,0.055676566646663816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170010384153524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05890240129041581,0.12221963235875033,0.04109302679450611,0.0,0.05352471956068871,0.0,0.05200766138280622,0.05429956764696559,0.053176724604478594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03755384260938858,0.042149201173994566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684212411656148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05307678090466711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620827798231655,0.0,0.0,0.12615956893235744,0.14201318987078995,0.0,0.2736014822538263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248704626647187,0.050452039815296605,0.057814863887101324,0.0,0.05688755536277086,0.13753131743372568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799444472270952,0.0,0.06203784927785257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04633337493217203,0.12696622453366582,0.11587346722044313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04166873909893485,0.04454427886681399,0.04843928582445548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313656482775009,0.10653217367894277,0.10889920462121366,0.17598829736537985,0.06463137924709535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03762635810950768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103700179648493,0.0,0.0,0.043989601263301537,0.044454363696000206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002305616592054,0.06187414821842434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03936858537533933,0.0,0.0,0.07137697687134469 bpd,goddessxcass,2020/04/08,"Do I call the helpline or am I just wasting their time Long story short, last week my therapist called me (she's called me each week since lock down as the place I go for therapy is now shut. So shes called me twice) and I didn't answer her call due to feeling horrible. Instead, I texted her the next day telling her I felt suicidal. Because she is not working, i then received a call from the new hotline they set up and then I proceeded to tell them what was going on. I then had to visit a different place so they could see where my head was at and they said they'd send home treatment and medication. A day later I get another call, and because I felt like I was going to get help I told them I didn't feel as bad, was then told I wasn't getting home treatment but instead, the person I talked to on the hotline would call me. I still haven't received the call and it's been nearly 7 days, and I now feel stuck, abandoned and worse than ever, it's like I don't matter. I've tried calling the number for the hotline but its going to voicemail for a different person than i spoke to, and ive forgotten the name of the woman that I met to talk about home treatment. I don't even know what to say, it's like my brain is on fire, I now feel like I'd just be wasting their time as they haven't called back. I know theres probably loads of other people going through it and need the service, so I'm just stuck and anxious, I feel shitty for being so selfish but I just need to talk to someone because I feel like I'm going to do something. Sorry for the long rant and no one will probably reply to this but I'm so stuck and I really don't know what to do or say, I feel like a huge burden.",3.0943454038997205,3.7910651420612815,4.3084501392757675,89.74985069637884,73.06685236768804,7.192467966573815,25.780612813370475,7.24861992348623,1.0026772367688013,1322,41,297,13,25,435,160,359,0.159,0.764,0.077,-0.9838,2,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,9,1,21,10,0,0,18,0,29,3,2,0,1,46,64,31,1,4,11,0,10,6,0,2,1,4,3,3,11,14,0,1,13,0,0,10,10,4,0,2,19,15,52,6,36,39,1,49,0,1,1,0,47,13,0,2,31,191,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573346430723788,0.0,0.07081919841753151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04820293149894184,0.05234156725091532,0.11464142432739928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699801467308965,0.7041220676790066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05005098563932025,0.0,0.0,0.12128503997672115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099049863686407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0414045999945499,0.05670456615693559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218773071289165,0.1343522038353101,0.12037994479413495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825512554441254,0.0,0.21376100848719087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433561178713319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04201820876306085,0.0,0.188642465234308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335447503221123,0.051098799573294384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18375610874547094,0.0,0.0,0.11095319085732484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315120984543382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296419271239552,0.0,0.0605441206484945,0.0666690243598686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04247877235824495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04345972170974813,0.10947287175470408,0.13099049863686407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517577341972345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04015931223827244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059630308159941886,0.09970346688120822,0.0,0.0,0.04995393891119178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05185586986098193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053115040351631684,0.04826001373591051,0.0,0.0701736891342826,0.0,0.0,0.05006243632131957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857011181779073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115786963748842,0.10958353408120153,0.0,0.0716887882717678,0.0727851904714888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310734283022173,0.0,0.0,0.1198014673344988,0.0,0.042560797770505504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056849923000546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045637354032664765,0.0,0.06388406842298736,0.04453150623278915,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Bookish_War_Goddess,2020/04/08,"Some advice please? Hi ... So, the thing is I didn't think the entire quarantine thing would have any negative effects on me. I love to stay home and I don't particularly like people, but I was wrong. It all started falling apart yesterday when I had my Skype therapy session. I was sitting in my parent's room, because it is the most private, talking to my social worker when my dad comes in. I know he forgot that I was having a session, but I feel so violated. I yelled ""Whoever that is go away!"" and he made this motion with his arm. He usually does it when he is angry at my mom. The rest of my session was shit. He says I over-reacted. Did I? Anyway, my dad went through some crap years ago that is still really affecting him right now. He is a ghost and now that I see him basically all the time he is really freaking me out. I pick up on everyone's mood so easily and ... Today I totally lost it with my mom. It used to be something that happened all the time, but I have gotten so much better. She ... God I am whining. I just really needed to vent about this, I feel like I want to cut, but I don't want to break my 1 year 3 months ""streak"". Am I in the wrong with my dad? I'm splitting right now, so he is just bad ... I need some advice if anyone wants to give it. \- Nina P.S. This is really rambly and I wrote it while sobbing. Sorry if something doesn't make sense.",1.0988364462392752,3.0875341978798616,3.362386420999496,88.95787544169615,81.57950530035336,6.587026754164564,21.06120646138314,7.7094869923839395,0.8319107521453808,1050,31,228,18,28,360,153,283,0.201,0.74,0.059000000000000004,-0.993,1,1,2,0,0,0,53.0,0,0,0,4,16,16,4,0,9,0,26,4,3,6,4,44,51,20,1,8,8,6,2,2,0,1,0,2,2,0,17,10,0,1,5,0,0,5,5,11,0,0,13,5,40,4,22,36,10,39,0,3,1,1,25,13,3,6,20,152,57,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341171969119281,0.10618769298988366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146214067521883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376080965981646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254779897879696,0.0,0.10002066901916433,0.07302361877172524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594560359858277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318953311903928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483010807497538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446564882965543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114008515760752,0.08557887492737655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149146583159052,0.06808011363959239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593098446765524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201603656466106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583412433493449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704788309052724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307662726188461,0.0,0.1081162573371532,0.11334935332956568,0.07996157274328201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805960693515351,0.09561621275464403,0.0,0.08806033357767037,0.17764735062948878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301397879669966,0.0,0.0,0.08304815214946955,0.0,0.0,0.1314947921928011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069653041274785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046021028897944,0.0,0.09526279002291577,0.0,0.0,0.09545809673768398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296397080362685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211206801157548,0.0,0.184442274630415,0.0,0.13409646870348665,0.08478884547037607,0.12768150689947186,0.095665426860143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628364887748514,0.0,0.0,0.13699170545929815,0.0,0.15916793377267682,0.0767573798895523,0.0,0.0,0.13970245302435633,0.0,0.11354807428328365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034611564954548,0.13193311013247805,0.0,0.21196790419917547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104766551982724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509624911464161,0.2619457983387736,0.0,0.15428324251393313 bpd,kevinbsmith006,2020/04/08,"Looking for someone to talk to Hey everyone! The quarantine period has been lonely and I'm looking to make another friend or two. I'm open to talk about anything from what you're doing during the day to listening to BPD meltdowns. I know this could be more of an r/penpals post. However, I'm looking to connect with someone who shares a BPD diagnosis so we connect on a more meaningful level! Send me a direct if you are interested :).",2.637380952380956,5.248516547619047,4.766666666666668,77.51166666666668,79.95238095238095,8.019047619047619,30.76190476190476,8.841846274778883,3.2023190476190475,346,18,60,9,9,119,62,84,0.028999999999999998,0.8370000000000001,0.133,0.8306,1,3,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,6,0,6,0,0,1,0,10,15,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,4,4,3,13,12,2,7,0,1,3,0,10,3,0,2,2,39,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20927198218496745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642333719010514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5027159167282954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15934454520904626,0.0,0.0,0.12870948353225475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19070264135612916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419129244449786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968130203606707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5027786719499913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321798535233134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911378590341869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381988122903961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208219469872163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949559558068316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GattsuWaifu,2020/04/08,"I feel like such a piece of work... I met my SO last year. We started dating around this time, and our anniversary is coming up soon. I can say without a doubt that this is my best and healthiest relationship that I've ever had. Yet here I am, about to complain.. tsk tsk. \[I'm pretty sure the common denominator here is me. I'm definitely making myself miserable but I just don't know how to get out of this vicious downward spiral. (Perhaps I should exercise more or see a professional for help)\] That was just a preface to this... So, my wonderful SO is literally taking care of me right now. Like, paying all of the bills at the house, paying the entirety of the rent, and buys/cooks dinner for me EVERY night. I work for practically minimum wage and I'm paying my way through college and managing my pre-relationship bills. All he wants is for me to be happy, succeed in what I want to, and he plans to be with me for the rest of his life, so he says, thus the money spent is no big deal. I'm going to pay him back as best I can though. Perhaps it really is just his kindness, but I feel like I owe him. I don't feel like I can be angry with him about anything because, without him, I would be living either on the streets or back at my mother's house, barely scraping by and with no support whatsoever. Not that I'm not happy with him, he's an amazing person and he genuinely makes me feel loved...it's just that I feel guilty when I do get frustrated with him, because what right do I have to get upset with him? Don't bite the hand that feeds you and all that. If I can be quite frank, I want more intimate time with him, but he always comes home after work and gets on his computer and starts gaming. Before dinner, he's gaming (and no big deal, I'm usually doing school work) then after dinner he goes right back to it, up until bedtime. Then it's ""I'm too tired,"" or ""Alright"" but he gets to finish and tough luck if I get there or not. He'll give me a kiss, roll over and go to bed. It's probably been about 2 weeks since I've actually gotten there and tbh, I'm sexually frustrated. I remember at the beginning of our relationship when we loved actually doing things together. Now, in order to have any quality time with him, I feel I have to either be playing his MMORPG with him or pitch a little fit and make him come to do something with me. The only time when I feel like he gives me his full attention is in the bedroom and now, even that feels like it's been compromised. I mean, not only am I not getting there, it's like...he'll finish and immediately start talking about his videogame or resume a thought that he was having the 5 minutes prior to the sexual engagement. I know, I know...communication. ""You have to communicate with him, otherwise it's just going to get worse. Whether you feel comfortable doing so or not, it's all about communicating the hard things."" I know. I have. Never once has he thrown it in my face that he pays for practically everything. Never once has he talked down to me and made me feel bad about myself or this situation. It's ME doing that to me. What do I have to fear? NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. AND I HAVE TALKED TO HIM ABOUT THIS. Maybe 3-4 times now. This makes me think that perhaps I'm not getting my point across or something. He makes the argument that ""Well, what can we really do? We are in quarantine,"" and that is a valid argument but more so, what about the times when we weren't. I know for a fact that I should be doing something to help my mental health but I don't have insurance and even if a therapist were willing to work with me on a sliding scale...it took me so long to find a good therapist the first time and I burnt that bridge. So oof. What's my point? I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't want to ruin this relationship by being a real piece of work. He says he loves me no matter what. Why am I like this? I know this was a long post, so I'm sorry you had to waste your time reading this. I just don't have anyone to talk to. I don't live near my family anymore, and when I talk to them on the phone it's even more frustrating because they either don't listen or I don't feel comfortable talking about a particular subject. I don't really have close friends...again, as you can blatantly see, this whole issue stems from me and my inability to function as a normal human being. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.",3.0791653290529686,4.532655921348315,4.575987158908506,84.90056179775281,74.05617977528091,7.827287319422151,24.174959871589085,8.461967990115637,1.4181207062600318,3430,102,720,61,70,1147,338,890,0.08800000000000001,0.7709999999999999,0.141,0.9944,3,1,3,0,0,0,133.0,7,6,2,12,53,41,4,4,36,1,76,14,2,8,10,141,154,67,0,11,38,1,13,7,0,5,5,4,4,2,49,49,4,0,24,5,12,9,27,12,1,1,15,19,112,29,100,125,18,92,0,2,2,3,82,33,0,16,54,496,161,19,0.0,0.0,0.1004861478941132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04284061705532037,0.0,0.0,0.03501236043660798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05106044487346045,0.03600032645795349,0.0,0.042368730157670266,0.04583360608637247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876905766269374,0.04298880051251788,0.09415647218311557,0.0,0.043810937659248914,0.0,0.10806311578285584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05249358063976752,0.0,0.0,0.17740310268807674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615995891912113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201838708422577,0.046572187473556174,0.0433793179387784,0.0,0.04627244882427658,0.0,0.04853657795466888,0.05793625409999445,0.2863624942012341,0.18390864700344145,0.0,0.0,0.04705742568938792,0.04379410902546688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24209458446932264,0.09878044949609507,0.08778232897726032,0.043184155788582784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961596850324372,0.04612149448428717,0.0,0.0,0.05472739001494014,0.0,0.0,0.0690201875595143,0.0,0.051644825404073336,0.0,0.0,0.11881625265556818,0.0,0.05812161785083789,0.0,0.05373818387963853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361492207871254,0.16977271192268475,0.041968099479235056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03636620377150579,0.2012283319411546,0.05160266721138637,0.09092646094441773,0.09112727872911464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293655530211244,0.048717457964353006,0.1718370879257721,0.0,0.051724776943368224,0.0560835316976417,0.0,0.0,0.05188594864712874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941861506497037,0.0,0.0,0.0483162818110493,0.05044551404336503,0.09880473543568948,0.0,0.0,0.10966217925581516,0.0,0.07831510311696492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04495573683183063,0.0,0.0,0.0973421429572108,0.0,0.04930951778310557,0.052379943455914686,0.05551079823239519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05476187825903606,0.05150010186006228,0.05860253204647538,0.0989500746656084,0.0,0.0,0.22110750925832048,0.058323792815940766,0.13190672095813155,0.0,0.1228316042090163,0.0,0.05210675171457006,0.08205562146709218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04258989101664427,0.05787261110992334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890970478275943,0.0,0.05763455092889608,0.10932652618773164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584258944101928,0.04852510494189105,0.0,0.038711191533807685,0.28967842650531744,0.0,0.04740154700403395,0.0,0.11955882094416012,0.0684102458026173,0.032990258156574415,0.050584899604976016,0.04087426710251757,0.2401759933448456,0.059175777311359076,0.0,0.0,0.05720302814921425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056704741210983525,0.0,0.12147150568020985,0.04086732444570236,0.04129909915112839,0.0,0.046292249145731226,0.0,0.046458259335510614,0.05748246897962547,0.0,0.09926165920067273,0.05583455399670436,0.2248952652515467,0.0,0.0524688047684667,0.036574297227025473,0.0,0.0,0.03315540477731201 bpd,emotionaltofu,2020/04/08,"Haven’t been single for years I’m a 22 year old female and haven’t been single since I was 15/16; and this was with like 4 relationships (including current one) and several flings where I would lead guys on but was too scared to commit but wanted the benefits of the relationship. I’m in a great relationship of 1.5 years now, it’s definitely more serious than any of my past ones, I haven’t made any relationship-ending mistakes and my life doesn’t revolve around my current SO like previous relationships, plus I love him of course. Im an ENFP and they’re an ISTJ, so Ive learned a lot and learned a lot about being independent. Plus Ive grown out of my constant old attention-seeking ways somewhat. Like any person with BPD comes fear of abandonment, relationship anxiety, and other issues. Things are going super well now and I am my own person who happens to be with someone they love, but sometimes I just want to be single.... I want to experience that bad ass single independent woman life. But then I think, am I dumb for doing this now? Can I not fully be independent while with someone? Am I not fully independent until Ive been single? I think about this an unhealthy amount and would love some insight/hear from others’ personal experience.....",5.086371308016876,6.83598719409283,5.92559071729958,76.03032700421942,69.46413502109705,8.979746835443036,28.77848101265823,9.444778638647367,2.6639772151898726,1003,37,180,22,18,329,132,237,0.10800000000000001,0.674,0.218,0.9842,2,3,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,1,2,12,17,1,2,9,0,25,6,1,6,1,47,39,20,0,6,7,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,5,9,18,0,1,4,0,0,4,6,7,1,2,7,0,22,10,27,26,12,25,0,1,0,4,16,5,2,4,18,128,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192405391916863,0.0,0.0721481254832135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395733042124069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874625710751966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187821745128767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124110331875357,0.0,0.1019173483872604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353209557822318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18450970817014967,0.0,0.10612678434412867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053599462842478095,0.0,0.0,0.10397888582121127,0.0,0.09338332410707112,0.08339944753763201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629604173945713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187272554284282,0.09843682060970656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323016218522155,0.13822767013243334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036072080455582,0.2553597375801283,0.08923992818475196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979283449684918,0.0,0.1278159789789504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003110579119451,0.0,0.2470477870151195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6075322606659719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442237698870824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654527748474828,0.0,0.07801554051738016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981984657644072,0.0,0.09327659638557044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265644470811495,0.12086214641344027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668822978919705,0.07486016822359608,0.0,0.0,0.08479746608081386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399252729219746,0.0,0.0,0.1822007591259385 bpd,snxwfall,2020/04/08,"Abandonment Abandonment Abandonment I keep toxic people in my life sometimes because I feel like I don’t have any other choice. I am so overly attached to a guy whose been in my life for over 4 years and I just wish I could cut him off and his family and friends without panicking or having a breakdown. I know he is so bad for me, but at the same time I feel like I can’t let go. Someone help. 😭",2.1468846815834794,3.735614084337353,3.8198278829604138,88.7951807228916,76.83132530120481,7.152495697074013,25.110154905335627,7.957251820313856,1.3524540447504307,311,11,67,5,7,104,62,83,0.133,0.695,0.172,0.5036,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,1,0,3,0,9,2,0,0,0,17,15,7,0,2,4,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,4,3,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,2,14,3,10,12,1,9,0,3,0,0,7,6,0,1,4,47,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708001019231366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928656376906603,0.14080836430108226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442541500712847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177552745586336,0.0,0.2335893171175079,0.3300362704543654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17846103901614846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127601184747914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287147988378997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482663308224318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053130734766854,0.0,0.0,0.1269451653960697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23620125475262385,0.32630782888383314,0.2256984964604769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013824922796194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19571569340433648,0.0,0.22845340088931665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469117410287199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26562522192542803,0.22266454252888696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14874893481631865 bpd,lillylilxxx,2020/04/08,"Please help: Feeling completely abandoned My closest friend (which isn't only just a friend, but we haven't really said that we are together) lives in another country and also has BPD. I was going to visit her this week but with everything that has been happening in the world I wasn't able to go... When I told her about not making it, she immediately stopped talking to me. Eventually (after me begging her to reply...) she told me that her therapist didn't think it was a good idea to talk to me until she feels she's ready. It's been almost a month since then and I feel like I am losing my mind. I have been quarantined for almost a month now without any kind of irl human interaction (which completely messes with my head and my mental health in general) and it kills me that I can't talk to her. Sometimes I get so angry at her therapist for telling her not to talk to me, and I find myself hating a person I haven't even met. I miss her so much and all I want to do is to hug her and kiss her and spend time with her, but I can't do any of that. I can't even talk to her. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with how abandoned I feel that it almost feels like I'm going to die from how intense the feeling is. And weirdly enough I am not angry at her at all. I understand how she feels. I will forgive her the second she says ""hi"". I'm just... frustrated? Annoyed? It's not my fault the trip was cancelled. The world is literally DYING. But despite my frustration, I miss her so so so bad. I was thinking of at least sending a message to her to let her know that I think about her and I miss her, but I don't want to mess with her therapy... I am really heartbroken. I could use any advice or coping skills you have :( PS: I can't afford therapy atm so I have no access to any dbt skills",3.120081300813005,4.151436184281842,4.641897018970192,86.12430894308945,73.33604336043359,7.851490514905149,25.319783197831978,8.285830014693849,1.4254596205962051,1388,43,299,22,27,466,164,369,0.17800000000000002,0.687,0.134,-0.9873,1,1,0,0,0,0,48.0,2,1,0,3,19,26,5,1,11,0,34,4,1,5,2,63,66,30,3,3,13,0,7,2,2,1,1,2,0,2,16,17,0,3,15,0,2,6,16,17,0,1,13,9,70,9,40,50,5,26,0,7,0,2,51,10,0,4,12,216,86,0,0.08881469545539741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678869249635719,0.0,0.0,0.26680526472720706,0.0,0.0,0.07102507986781564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415881539813993,0.0931299520809366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415656091294931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118589998202667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18624103682938187,0.0,0.0,0.0709113074035913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843512637012993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176932207003076,0.0,0.1173225374338957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982092147068881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143516502368188,0.12689847235870236,0.0,0.0,0.08117502263236077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723602678892455,0.0,0.09280402536814616,0.0,0.15142631448828692,0.07449355276330241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853854187617186,0.0,0.0,0.08768612439901152,0.09114950057749698,0.09440586810669167,0.0,0.0,0.059530618230321575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026098060725763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982603015295124,0.09248683814323544,0.04881023391733996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908190434828621,0.0,0.08678074799191113,0.0,0.0784250032477667,0.0,0.0,0.09936092629532264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059284498873890486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895043235797323,0.0,0.08967752418627915,0.0,0.14178208514175614,0.0,0.06528902030955151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754757803728452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775495663291515,0.0,0.09749186505753826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379393627795975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844831137386957,0.07062901058698473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346843386644354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17568000958254093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425306225952001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569294398308908,0.07762795849418101,0.0,0.2031346890614136,0.2062414136315412,0.0,0.1707266120027858,0.0,0.0,0.05178856314890342,0.0,0.0,0.16973249515558034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924592301875328,0.0,0.07670738087454032,0.0,0.0,0.104770416978012,0.0,0.07124179147447461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561419705920484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,juicepress69,2020/04/08,"what worked for YOU to stop wanting to appeal to others 24/7? that’s it. that is the question. answer as is or (!) if you want to read a bit about my situation & how it pertains i’ve been dealing with bpd, bipolar i w/ psychosis, and anxiety for a couple years now, but have seen So Much progress in my mood, motivation, willingness to heal, and ability to cope with it in the past 4 months or so. however, something that’s stuck is my constant urge to censor my own thoughts, opinions, and values in conversations with others out of a fear that a difference in opinion (whether it’s from an individual or a group) will make me unwanted by those there. instead, i’ve been relying on this sort of “conversational recipe” that allows me to come off as strong-minded, empathetic, and confident when really it’s only somewhat the case. it’s to the point where i am struggling to even tell Myself how i feel about situations !! i have learned over these past months that i actually AM a creative, individualistic, fun person - but i am a bit (very) clouded by internal judgments so uh help please aha",5.191229773462784,6.705905048543691,6.1485242718446615,75.44129773462785,68.90291262135922,9.182653721682847,32.17993527508091,9.558583805096642,3.07451430420712,864,38,159,19,15,286,132,206,0.092,0.725,0.183,0.9743,1,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,2,0,3,13,5,0,2,12,0,11,2,0,5,0,34,19,19,0,4,7,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,18,9,0,1,6,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,5,2,15,1,32,13,5,20,0,0,1,0,11,10,0,9,9,113,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.14896325781966124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653949652889195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677595249522227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33330601717018515,0.0,0.19225588295321955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149346789359795,0.0,0.16495917744223065,0.0,0.0,0.16890304918931318,0.0,0.0,0.15737426164706345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948555868516942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082312581423182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177239524988247,0.0771838451867195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023173065109766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189429276815244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413182328819694,0.0,0.24368571156255026,0.0,0.11221446881281064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609632910875307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914411999632894,0.0,0.1332870879518538,0.0,0.16756259780178376,0.1443025037971706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100164742347354,0.0,0.15269015902974425,0.0,0.09779076216037183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431674064587978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175165425419576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762127383243366,0.0,0.15958172172545065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342182324296653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118613592388933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259512879993314,0.1800724935485719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113018089945728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983008546643133 bpd,Monolinii,2020/04/08,"BDP, CPTSD, depression and anxiety during quarantine I'm having ""an episode"" for the 4th day in a row... I'm in a relationship and I love my boyfriend more than anyone in this world, he listens, he understands and even when he doesn't- at least he tries. Sometimes though, I keep my mouth shut because I know, I KNOW, what I'm feeling is bpd's fault and I'm scared he will get tired of me and my shit. So. A few days ago I started having the usual ""you're ugly, worthless piece of shit"" thoughts, I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror... then the doubts and the paranoia started to creep in. ""What if he finds someone better? What if he finds someone prettier? You have nothing to offer. There is so many better and prettier girls around, you should just kill yourself and let him find someone perfect"" - this doesn't happen often, but when it does - IT'S BAD. So then I went on Twitter, looked at all of the beautiful girls posting selfies, then I looked through the list of the people he follows (stupid, I know) and then I stood under the shower, crying, holding a razor in my hand and considering if I should cut myself or not. I get jealous of his friends, I get jealous of his ex (who is supposedly his friend) sometimes calling him or texting him even though he is open with me about it, I get jealous of girls interacting with him on social media... I know it all goes down to my own insecurities and abandonment issues, but when it gets bad like now, I don't know how to deal. It hurts. The meds numb the pain but it's still here. Fuck bpd.",3.132206477732794,5.033376026315793,3.8752631578947394,88.10414979757088,74.92105263157895,6.387449392712552,26.16599190283401,7.1686216300943375,1.1708091093117412,1208,44,243,13,26,384,163,304,0.193,0.688,0.11900000000000001,-0.9769,1,1,0,0,0,1,55.0,0,2,0,3,20,28,9,3,16,0,15,9,4,1,3,48,45,32,1,6,10,1,2,1,2,3,3,1,1,3,13,15,0,3,11,0,0,2,5,21,0,0,3,6,34,7,31,37,7,35,0,4,3,2,33,17,3,7,16,158,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858615084337892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644983152071001,0.0,0.0,0.06987672027110474,0.0,0.0,0.08896313968858151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668827304503449,0.0609193130154709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767683797871191,0.0,0.0,0.25172870863528723,0.0,0.1020445815614777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977366089110112,0.12889932862897804,0.1030283678405995,0.08607367772518718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745359754394695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980179347851107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05053002638438499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740157294475754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441872293388118,0.09238809179353044,0.2610589838503905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837199401189869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106982246587229,0.0,0.0,0.1043059442036003,0.0,0.08882662227756906,0.11056302512038284,0.0,0.2746077019269961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021900811386066,0.0,0.0488230845562463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517601325277719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019503872264244,0.0,0.0,0.10131817935492818,0.0,0.0,0.111005009506866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589011460165332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633764955670218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928219199825421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570989265492913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729255186289399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000521463894614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20516322672060835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187092093337907,0.25402323891167594,0.0,0.1976761012359572,0.0,0.14146870024552188,0.0,0.07980804268095575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19637082367945635,0.07933705078882786,0.0,0.1148603261373338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784915426813766,0.0,0.0,0.10403562812968883,0.0,0.0,0.110064039121231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264054026940473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Drummers_left_paw,2020/04/08,"DAE just love to sit in a cocoon and not do things that you KNOW are good for you? Hey everyone, I got diagnosed with EUPD (Borderline Type) September last year. Negligient upbringing, invalidating environment. Seeing a therapist. I've reached the part where I am able to identify my cognitive errors and see where my BPD is influencing me. And it's influencing me big time. My therapist keeps telling me to write. Basically note down all the occurrences where I identify a cognitive error. They've also recently told me to start writing morning pages, where I'm supposed to write a page or two about what's on my mind when I wake up. The problem is, I don't. I just don't write. And I don't have any excuses as to why I don't do it. I know it's beneficial to see how far I've come and all, but I can't bring myself to initiate and stick to it. I also have issues with preparing for my teaching eligibility test. I'm lazing around and the pandemic just makes me want to do nothing. I'm kinda lost here. It's probably the all-or-nothing cognitive error because my self esteem is shit and that test is national level, VERY competitive. My parents had been very academically oriented with me in my childhood and made me feel like being a whiz kid was the only way I could be deemed acceptable of their love. Which still plays havoc on my mind because I go out of the way to make others happy. I don't know why I can't make a plan of studying and commit to it. It's common sense that it's the only way to clear this test. Yet I don't. Anyone else experiences this?",3.4990384615384613,5.159367596153847,5.388738461538463,78.65626153846154,73.35897435897436,9.094564102564103,27.54410256410257,9.592334608150935,2.5927777948717954,1238,47,244,32,25,426,166,312,0.062,0.805,0.133,0.9626,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,2,1,2,16,10,1,0,14,0,25,5,2,7,4,49,50,17,0,3,6,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,17,16,0,1,5,1,0,3,9,3,0,1,7,4,36,7,31,40,5,33,0,1,3,2,16,16,1,2,11,154,53,6,0.11281586580589628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18043761425145116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671865736888989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788834764710165,0.11559318648035925,0.0,0.10043003891975633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754300935253136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208763367592087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718087899233843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007428893545844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145057290376656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424317966511067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780039439525096,0.0,0.1103555644255749,0.0,0.0,0.057043091488951175,0.08059567707340815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411585638013857,0.09462459572548644,0.09022915381044938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009458695287707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775045341923833,0.0,0.10027592510420083,0.0,0.0,0.1860019483714298,0.0919599879648346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05511613348326681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231518442959841,0.0,0.2036414470305964,0.10674909999905706,0.22591639936497185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278237285514321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216499731802968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160309924599282,0.0,0.0,0.12526866811985324,0.12216858884191906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163458437986112,0.1079495474607644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139205727586143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696989161837436,0.0,0.11769155226164822,0.0,0.11580386504219845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985165047748799,0.0,0.09009489616278354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860603927492263,0.0,0.0,0.2619758309654858,0.07494984832220865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578383859257843,0.0,0.0,0.10780039439525096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020470810591687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861698086462609,0.06654172061061146,0.2686439493912207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20359754300880675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264971876554474 bpd,jigglybunnybae,2020/04/08,"I just need 1 real friend. But, I don't even know what a friend is to begin with. I just want someone to talk to everyday. Someone who is loyal to me and defends me. Someone who truly genuinely cares about me. Just one person and my entire self worth would change. Does anyone else feel like this?",1.3049636803874094,3.8096107796610177,2.4971428571428578,92.1715254237288,85.27118644067797,4.727360774818402,18.59806295399516,6.1826913282559595,-0.040319128329297634,232,6,46,2,7,74,44,59,0.0,0.6809999999999999,0.319,0.9590000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,13,10,3,0,3,4,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,7,5,6,9,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511268817995143,0.22145623661078176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203644226905824,0.0,0.228642571553048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18914152592865266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805533745573782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275537884600373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928454133353327,0.15440715733541532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33397131402159985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187823514021411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559282834387207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16026164425592573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645892586119955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18872107546939065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460093783894924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22547633678369344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5493924135590759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372142989341682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274822459067339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353637140998294,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ellothwice,2020/04/08,"Coping at home I'm finding this whole situation with being in lockdown actually okay, anyone else? I'm feeling like everyone has finally slowed down to my pace and I'm not feeling shitty for just staying at home like I usually do. Shopping in the supermarket has gotten worse though, had a small panic attack waiting in line to go shopping and everyone looking and staying away from each other and masks and stuff is freaking me out. I can't get a delivery to my house because it's too rural so I have to keep going shopping. Normally I'd go with my husband but we can only go alone now and I feel like I have to go myself. I haven't been in a supermarket alone in about 6 years so I'm feeling a bit better about myself. I don't beat myself up or hurt myself for just being at home and doing what I normally do anymore. Hopefully this will make me less likely to hate myself for staying at home in the future.",3.3555737704918016,5.100631114754101,5.223737704918033,79.34052459016394,73.91803278688525,7.50295081967213,28.04699453551913,8.238735603445708,2.1124902732240445,726,29,133,12,15,249,105,183,0.12,0.764,0.11699999999999999,-0.5563,1,3,0,0,0,2,10.0,1,0,0,2,9,12,2,1,6,1,17,0,0,1,0,28,38,12,0,3,5,1,4,4,0,1,0,0,4,0,6,12,0,2,5,3,3,5,4,5,0,0,3,5,19,7,28,32,4,29,0,1,1,0,2,15,0,2,10,96,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.1071645392532086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22747243889177346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890792738306984,0.07678587504213986,0.11251943207732283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493151205224895,0.10317571264834303,0.0,0.0,0.06694279208741402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712329563461247,0.11989059007962477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173714624504396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20986771840788448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22210500302670108,0.15690509256318602,0.0,0.12029802027524808,0.10036980117417332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057374308452920686,0.0,0.31205471389397965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842052870773138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4406174610312952,0.1090720302539304,0.0,0.12671287772961512,0.11756026021689653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760947411610596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21460213103092668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221775150039506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330300838512792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21519265622740336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835199887544772,0.0,0.12884537202062868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343774410598905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35114761690317386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571300499234034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078936265931763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094676913579795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260560151692905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191184866802303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071788004966252 bpd,yugiohslut,2020/04/08,"I just want a call A call when I tell you I can't stop crying To show that you care A call when I tell you I miss you To show that you miss me too Words means nothing when I can't feel them over the loudness of my own anxious thoughts chewing through my brain.",9.636206896551727,3.8598002068965553,8.537241379310348,85.50689655172415,64.17241379310346,11.6,39.3448275862069,3.1291,2.327420689655173,204,6,53,0,2,63,35,58,0.096,0.7390000000000001,0.165,0.5778,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,5,1,0,5,3,0,0,4,0,2,2,1,0,0,7,9,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,15,1,5,8,1,5,0,2,0,0,11,1,0,0,4,34,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24507866744840354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421750244550378,0.6645551511600477,0.0,0.22118317910575416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382966695882417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969058427913876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23630953890322506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20815826647775754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18137023439635908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792274850185137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222487456882726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795590179629282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,axrut,2020/04/08,"My favorite person is angry Hello! I know you all probably have read/experienced these things about FP so many times. But, I really need to vent, I'm sorry. So, my FP is my boyfriend of one year. Our relationship was rocky before I got diagnosed. But we were doing well the last few months ever since I got to know this mental illness of mine and tried to be more understanding towards him, and I tried to not let the negative thoughts control me so much. He even admitted that we were doing well and he was happier. Until we had to go back to our hometowns because of Covid-19 :(. I don't mind not seeing him, but the problem is he's the type who gives short replies, doesn't ask back, rarely texts and rarely initiates conversation first. I am having a hard time coping with that, and this week I've been acting up and devalued him a lot. Like, if he says that he's gonna watch movies (which he does a lot), I'll be like ""You don't like interacting with me right :( you are just doing me a favor and I'm just disturbing you"" something like that. Also, ""Are you gonna leave me? Don't leave me."" And I just keep on repeating them even though he says that he won't leave me etc. I know, I know that I'm being unreasonable but it's just really hard. Even when my condition was better, I still had to fight the negative thoughts constantly. :( So he's really stressed right now and he said that he was tired, sick, and bored of me. And that just worsenedmy condition! I'm clinging harder at him. I know he has the right to say that after going through so much because of me and he's always been a good boyfriend. This is stressing me a lot. Arguments with him can literally kill me. I've felt like killing myself so many times, and when I do that, it isn't to manipulate anyone to pity me. The pain is just unbearable. This is why I hate being in a long-distance relationship with him. Thanks for reading, sorry for venting.",2.534237097980551,4.592131997382204,3.7409169783096514,87.68160732984295,77.19371727748691,7.297651458489156,23.47973074046373,8.238735603445708,1.3185858489154825,1501,48,313,28,35,488,184,382,0.187,0.705,0.107,-0.9884,0,0,1,0,1,2,59.0,5,5,1,3,27,22,4,3,14,0,38,5,0,2,2,54,66,29,2,3,13,0,3,5,0,3,5,4,0,1,20,20,0,2,10,1,0,3,10,11,2,2,16,9,48,11,30,42,9,31,0,1,2,0,45,9,0,4,24,209,68,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825966136205124,0.07102354893183735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05968333613045008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979692112841304,0.0,0.0,0.1312679501885147,0.0,0.10406521145904288,0.0,0.07263220019854758,0.0,0.0,0.07549099748197792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224018703123242,0.09573471181987664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663517660163245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469615685713363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519519874748203,0.16913173537316706,0.07720995315309151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195574473141506,0.0,0.0,0.07260430075691883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188185150595903,0.09702027290933267,0.07159308648075588,0.13653497935309078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292553868140074,0.0842719947484278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586888929755524,0.18886891560615826,0.0,0.23454884136708265,0.0695770409443599,0.0,0.2711410208286572,0.0,0.08728293111254519,0.0,0.20850467474650444,0.0,0.0,0.07553792621013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21770144799005225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307643893715915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601940088434118,0.0,0.08618585778622137,0.0,0.06813084291487917,0.0,0.12549387977554508,0.06329085513478627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057839857458812025,0.0,0.09082546600915793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453011170495727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202887739485166,0.0816747614894736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075944539872068,0.0,0.1640449170175764,0.0,0.0,0.18328214066952547,0.0,0.21868227150674524,0.0811936958796465,0.20363704006993807,0.0,0.0,0.06801817815642994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060788141114308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571169929075375,0.0,0.19109950460223646,0.0,0.0,0.06816591017381306,0.0,0.19555144876904826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858491134099321,0.0,0.0,0.05670714819451701,0.0,0.08386244968569878,0.1355272500328339,0.14931640159576526,0.0981048828037566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159030894592958,0.0,0.0,0.08885925583107739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846793512832221,0.0,0.15349171176134266,0.0,0.0770210767726056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496686731928968 bpd,reginawasntthatmean,2020/04/08,"Deliberately hurtful? Is my BPD sibling trying to hurt me? She will only engage via text or phone call when SHE decides. Too bad if I need or want to chat. She doesn’t seem to give a flying fuck how anyone in our family feels so long as she is okay. Is this part of the condition or is she just being an ignorant asshole?",1.9822727272727287,3.8706948030303066,4.075757575757578,85.43363636363638,78.24242424242425,6.824242424242425,21.60606060606061,7.793537801064563,0.9361696969696977,251,7,52,4,6,86,55,66,0.213,0.7140000000000001,0.073,-0.9159,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,0,5,7,1,0,3,1,7,1,0,1,0,12,13,8,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,9,2,6,11,1,3,0,2,0,1,10,1,1,5,2,36,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17458766356026345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20847906058586912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31447331043276433,0.0,0.2549593770955826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23538363609600296,0.0,0.12624976117741835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23083254372048134,0.0,0.23952349297579426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5345923621379772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209660334400401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18514049714918493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18989898453617068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27038778513015843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22730658854371086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952177022985446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472724586999529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bellabubblie1234,2020/04/08,Can I make it? You ever feel like you fucked up your life so bad that you don’t feel like you’ll make it another year? I am not actively wanting to die but I feel like I won’t see 2021. Do others feel the same?,-0.7337500000000006,0.9616847916666664,1.6748333333333356,100.1535,86.5,5.506666666666668,15.85,6.742157984588678,-0.5823800000000001,162,3,43,2,5,55,33,48,0.196,0.6709999999999999,0.133,-0.4882,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,5,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,0,6,2,0,2,1,11,15,2,1,1,2,0,4,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,5,9,3,2,13,1,3,0,0,1,1,5,1,1,0,5,26,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401993289396287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19126345251719776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377379609931573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072064645040924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4632976594274124,0.4909418595673851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21177104857071088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179855230565834,0.3357353402440371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058113212311116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18253872256415185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511111779040053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751323860425775 bpd,RorschachRaven,2020/04/08,"Dating Me Is Like: ...Progressively figuring out how much of a rabbit hole I am as a person. You’re only gradually able to put more pieces together if I feel enough trust for you to tell you about some—actually, pretty serious traumatic life events. I feel an inexplicable desire to share these... It helps, I think? Maybe I’ve felt increasingly lonely in their solipsistic knowing. The instances an idyllic childhood and onwards were deprived from me, only really by happenstance. They progressively get worse. I’m afraid no one I like will, realistically, be able to handle all of it. Especially when or if, they figure out how much of a jigsaw of a person I really am. It’s a big ask for me to emotionally invest in someone, and as a result, I feel an especially stinging kind of rejection when they leave. I don’t mean to sound edgy. This is something I worry about a lot. This identity-rabbit-hole I also feel equally in affect. It’s a cavernous abyss I somehow feel in my centre. It’s an emotional typhoon of a force that unpredictably wrecks chaos in my life and in my relationships. I look “functioning” enough, but that’s just the surface. Choking anxiety can and has, many times, lead me to abruptly self-destruct. I feel like a paradoxical paper-person. I don’t make sense. I don’t feel near ready or stable enough to date anyone at this moment. But there’s someone who’s caught my eye, and I can’t help but let my mind wander about us. It’s heavenly. The tranquil reveries are starting to seem like my only respite from the deadness. I don’t know. Maybe some things are better left to fantasy? 🐇",3.549997731397461,6.017942888157897,4.956170598911072,78.20026315789478,75.71052631578948,7.877313974591652,26.601179673321234,8.74248658614541,2.308769872958257,1274,49,227,28,29,424,174,304,0.084,0.775,0.141,0.956,0,2,1,0,0,0,47.0,1,2,4,4,11,15,0,1,18,0,17,3,1,6,1,42,37,19,1,3,8,0,8,4,0,1,2,1,0,2,14,7,0,0,15,1,1,4,6,5,0,1,3,11,34,10,36,31,12,27,1,3,2,0,16,13,0,8,14,152,48,1,0.21134534271717226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845063971069767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808393043504976,0.0,0.0,0.0738887888259137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878968295820932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934588904181182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377350642513806,0.0,0.32756435279711144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740189442318898,0.07549257753297202,0.10146233619203604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05520960930619292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141660328254696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004182587118158,0.11614987319915025,0.0,0.0,0.11189210103951698,0.11481366662516725,0.10805746600668432,0.1492794657854716,0.2065053179719981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873842959885332,0.0,0.0,0.08983912629858158,0.0,0.0,0.07053732869359716,0.10713550277599457,0.21232480350420066,0.11510851811464536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669927417977126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536314460392625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160653694280818,0.2411064850834423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768079019361188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750709678279388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623022170305443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539323835141245,0.0,0.0,0.11345290214585273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962004312168811,0.1102396425802816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790722230427001,0.08135198511145683,0.0,0.0,0.07479566068186183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236257247893354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020422733585659,0.06771078093112587,0.0,0.0,0.06161858446630381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711121251153054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731572723817864,0.10768947998328006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,futureOTbayarea,2020/04/08,"Phone Interview Tomorrow I’ve suspected BPD for quite some time now. I don’t say this lightly because I know it’s such a misunderstood diagnosis and from what I am gathering, difficult to treat. I had another “episode”...and this time, I became verbally, emotionally, and even physically abusive towards my parter of almost 5 yrs. I could not stop myself from spewing mean and hurtful nonsense in an effort to make him hurt how I was hurting. Even though I still believe that my feelings were justified, my actions and anger were not. How do I seek guidance from a psychiatrist? What will a screening be like? What kind of questions could I expect?",4.297820512820515,7.196764017094019,5.0552350427350445,76.18490384615386,75.4957264957265,8.344444444444445,33.68162393162393,9.075114841892004,3.6334905982906,518,28,85,13,12,167,85,117,0.223,0.698,0.079,-0.9562,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,8,8,1,0,4,0,11,0,0,3,0,20,15,7,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,4,4,15,3,10,7,1,9,0,3,1,0,6,2,0,3,7,62,22,1,0.0,0.20687752675467505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484097034179494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830878173228423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643715179217676,0.0,0.0,0.19671923803210545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21990798521199964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788146285042536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19640632003737013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306489676155044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828517299549372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5607524964791312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818234944652371,0.09595794898698788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853028342679399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654971636263675,0.0,0.0,0.19019525385575226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19559675977238572,0.185713150042816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885233589301882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394392079062375,0.14597700089889182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17154782394063667,0.0,0.20362632595319066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Spac3yNac3y,2020/04/08,"Navigation I'm new to accepting this disorder. I was diagnosed 7 years ago and didn't take it seriously. But maybe I have ignored the very thing that will help me out. More and more makes sense now. But I'm at the lowest point that I can remember being in. I have always had some sort of idea of who I thought I was. But that exploded into smoke and mirrors last year. I never realized just how much I lied and manipulated myself. But now I'm so scared to get it wrong again.. that I don't know which way to go. And I'm on the verge of losing my family. I had never felt like I burden, I had always had some sense if pride. But that's no more. How do I come back from this? Sometimes I feel like I should let go of my husband. For good. But is that me splitting?? I feel like I can't heal because I feel like I'm either too much, or not enough for him. I've lost any respect I've had for myself. I was hoping to get some feedback on how to get back in some way. Thanks in advance.",0.11364596273291735,2.154147271428574,2.355631469979297,94.43618012422364,85.8095238095238,5.556935817805384,18.178053830227746,6.895973343053719,-0.02520082815735014,757,19,178,10,23,256,115,210,0.168,0.7240000000000001,0.10800000000000001,-0.8962,1,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,4,11,17,0,1,3,0,20,2,0,5,2,44,42,17,0,3,11,1,4,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,13,8,0,1,10,0,0,4,7,7,0,0,12,4,26,10,21,26,11,28,0,2,0,0,4,10,0,8,16,122,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988246990377825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22506172198082847,0.0,0.0,0.091968121284306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079830658608323,0.0,0.082441303066075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649764440881755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372661766647949,0.0,0.0,0.15499723478606278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973950300501806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749262924281202,0.0,0.20514485536141505,0.2898473431998703,0.12985200903699984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21197260842648644,0.0,0.1537204914174335,0.11343324550526974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064880090035317,0.0,0.0,0.13432424943457028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15266996949331654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743245964480674,0.11023899031218937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382924894007776,0.0,0.2642865463371145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129943368254375,0.14763089111608785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027402863690168,0.0,0.1358671766202184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19883453520075026,0.0,0.20861149409652371,0.13061603766358518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784590781549615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532010291385209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353992504940123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337562306946486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168396285326653,0.0,0.0,0.12451120603033156,0.0,0.0,0.08984772384106395,0.0,0.0,0.1073657847518618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158750770838154,0.0,0.21469509649270385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786416580667633,0.0,0.17418078928502553 bpd,betoche17,2020/04/08,"Is there a way to calm him down when triggered? So boyfriend is a musician and based on my research and consultation with a psychologist he matches the symptoms for BPD. He seems to go through cycles rapidly and I’m trying my best to avoid his triggers (the ones I recognise). But this last one is confusing me and I’m not sure how to react without making him feel abandoned. Last night through some sexting I thought he wanted to come over and stay the night. When I asked him if he is, things suddenly escalated and he started sending me heated voice msges one after another that I’m pushing him and suffocating him asking him to come over all the time and that he feels terrible that he is not enough for me and it makes him feel shit that he is unable to give me the affection and attention I need. I tried explaining that it was a misunderstanding but he just doesn’t hear me and goes on and on about the same thing. I’m not sure if I should leave it and let him cool down and settle before talking to him again or try getting in contact with him and try to explain and calm him down. If I msg him, he might feel pressured again and if I don’t, he might feel abandoned and undervalued. It’s a pickle.... can anyone help?",6.736771130104464,6.1115444814814825,6.8020576131687225,79.58823361823363,65.09053497942385,9.78144982589427,33.918645140867355,9.057496981413335,2.7024937638493185,971,37,196,14,13,311,128,243,0.095,0.84,0.065,-0.5162,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,10,13,1,3,11,1,14,2,1,7,3,65,40,29,0,7,12,0,5,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,12,22,0,3,10,0,0,5,6,7,0,3,2,8,28,6,27,34,5,28,0,2,0,0,35,9,1,10,12,136,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328607864481914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859477952369998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369033332382695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781625458816382,0.0,0.13296862639020668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957996708204975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21828953117726724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091968834522175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203281815090085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619790690568668,0.1215465664537757,0.07200912553668533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280525601840954,0.0,0.08492740068151039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065622668580048,0.0,0.13416184213541935,0.0,0.1295640046192559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16915256517530886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688270460173184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394983122721327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23780730652286464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25757488194253075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534707943074822,0.0,0.0,0.13006041759804396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968214491986679,0.1350502102230667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388351104933637,0.1316945597959233,0.0,0.10184033175756713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16835376898939214,0.0,0.0,0.10058927344366714,0.07388245215680278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440963365157167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473363662909567,0.10057218795555163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221386814687814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,geogwogz,2020/04/08,"I need help. I can’t get over what I saw on my boyfriend’s Instagram. I don’t know what to do anymore, we’ve had so many fights about this and I just can’t move on. I’m so anxious. I’ll go a week where I don’t think about it and then I’ll just start thinking about it again and I’ll spiral and get to where I cant get up from the couch, and quarantine is just making it worse. I’ve been going through who my boyfriend follows and watching his likes activity ever since I discovered he was liking thirst traps of this girl’s bikini thong photos over and over again through our relationship. There were like 5 photos he liked while we were dating, and he’s been following her for years and he’s basically liked everything, and all she posts are bikini pics. I’ve never been insecure about my body since seeing this, but now I am. I finally told him about seeing it, and I told him it was contributing to my insecurities and me thinking he was checking other girls out when we were out in public a few times. It became this huge argument and I tried to find her profile again to defend myself because he claimed he didn’t know who I was talking about. When I tried to find her I discovered this other girl’s profile. She is obviously some kind of model, and she posts seductive selfies and model shots and is always trying to look hot. In the year we’ve been dating he’s liked 70% of her photos, which irked me but not too much until I scrolled down. She posts a lot, and in the 3 years he’s been following her he’s liked everything she’s posted. Everything. Hundreds of photos. And he’s commented. “I would” “holy moly” “unbelievable” “oh my” things like that. He hasn’t commented things like that in years and the last time was a year before we even met, but now she’s established in my mind as his dream girl. We finally talk and I tell him what I saw. I say it appears he was obsessed with her and I didn’t like that he’s continued to like her photos since we’ve been together. He tells me he’s never met her and that she’s his friend’s girlfriend’s friend. Apparently they had some kind of group chat and they were planning on visiting them in the city the girls lived in. He says he doesn’t remember the comments and that he wasn’t interested in her and if he was he doesn’t remember. He says anything he liked while we were together had no ill intent and he didn’t know it was hurting me and he would stop. However I don’t believe him. I don’t believe that he doesn’t remember the relationship he had with this girl, and it makes me really upset to think he has never met her but was still obsessively liking and commenting sexual things on her photos. It makes me feel like she’s his dream girl and I don’t compare. I hate her and I can’t get over this. Please help me. We’ve had 4 fights over this and I keep bringing it back up, I just want to believe him but the story doesn’t make sense to me. I feel like our relationship might end over this.",3.0618564356435662,4.550321493399341,4.132429867986797,87.92161509900991,74.16501650165017,7.690264026402643,24.011138613861384,8.344100000000001,1.2703059405940595,2339,69,504,40,48,760,226,606,0.07,0.807,0.12300000000000001,0.9813,2,1,0,0,2,0,45.0,7,0,3,1,27,29,3,5,13,0,53,3,2,5,6,89,93,47,0,5,11,0,3,15,3,3,1,3,1,7,37,41,1,2,14,3,1,9,23,9,0,0,36,12,83,20,53,54,6,73,0,1,6,0,106,26,0,6,49,312,120,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523317774880683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499009858847361,0.06583076578909243,0.0,0.0,0.05462478751806892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051041845518322734,0.0,0.040464412215593513,0.0,0.056484184248571025,0.22436136831276007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373281542982911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05879265820683086,0.0,0.0,0.04384312594590135,0.060044184367279686,0.0,0.0,0.1789732197939783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712708058159855,0.09484325565494764,0.0,0.1454313012454305,0.12133957613854893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256948985973052,0.0,0.13872248798896952,0.0,0.07545015786217335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553615153269159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898574646597444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106077713904181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059001273678932875,0.0,0.13824835983748704,0.10944154191819798,0.05410826588522075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4864460845000856,0.0,0.05861443794014243,0.0,0.0557421791644798,0.0,0.0,0.05643359586995188,0.0,0.0,0.17723569964429944,0.06729853590617611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041830777855762,0.06702451333582783,0.0,0.0,0.07055105187653586,0.04879667288016188,0.0492196617052828,0.15358821081346255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286491090131443,0.0,0.0,0.2542933830206339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04252449690602297,0.0,0.0,0.213800673284375,0.2255855753497397,0.0,0.0,0.15836326119409,0.0,0.0,0.10579195719632753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164729771594115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04698385059665125,0.0,0.05301086596859272,0.055496351028842414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670687986524664,0.11603746170598207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229904910250148,0.17013357117504965,0.0,0.0,0.07741300337879142,0.0,0.0,0.12685718064035398,0.0,0.13520225414006645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03915243130127257,0.0,0.05324574296710753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764652377210005,0.09430838296140336,0.0,0.0,0.21373155795517276 bpd,dudeitskitkat,2020/04/08,"Is this a relatable BPD reaction to abandonment? Whenever I feel like someone is distancing themselves from me, I usually develop this “you can’t leave me if I leave you first” kind of mentality. I’ll try to act cool and distant so as not to feel the sadness, but then I think that it just makes the situation worse (it just gives the other person more reason to distance), but if I act like everything is okay, then I feel like I have no control over the situation and I end up hardcore pitying myself and internalizing all of the anger and sadness. Does anyone else do this, rather than react the way that a “typical” BPD would (such as with externalized anger)?",6.1645,7.0009842800000035,6.929350000000002,73.21242500000002,66.2,10.73,34.025,10.686352973137794,3.7798200000000013,525,23,96,14,8,174,81,125,0.187,0.723,0.08900000000000001,-0.9247,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,2,5,12,2,0,8,2,7,0,0,4,1,24,13,13,0,4,8,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,5,0,2,5,0,0,2,3,6,0,1,0,4,13,6,13,12,2,10,0,4,0,0,4,2,0,2,8,69,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166339702067772,0.16362777671929934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022639102806905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791130293259369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975134702300082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334058038289284,0.0,0.1414435606143655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352477692720106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422418099647751,0.2281742004741627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583762883342332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319528508784672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629916779505538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33819074044617403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340587016717489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659854984561366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609363540173905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394406880191157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641944392718811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3590107638906125,0.0,0.0,0.13531019424410706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232696913609138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842333499864026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758829614556997,0.0,0.0,0.12675952480828492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274421802548245,0.11344370103930948,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DeadofKnightinGreen,2020/04/08,"Support in a breakup Hello, I don't have BPD, but my ex does. I only found out after we broke up. Since then I've been educating myself more about BPD along with seeing two counselors for my own mental health needs. They and I did a number on each other. I feel if I understood more about what their mind and emotions may have added to the situation I wouldn't have taken so many things so personally and taken so much responsibility and feelings of guilt that I only perpetuated the problems we were experiencing. Besides the point, I've healed, a lot. I understand more so than before, and since have handled the rare interactions between us far better. That also means I've been distant and giving them room to be responsible for themselves and take care of themselves even when I can see their emotions dictating their actions since my standing is that of recent ex I have the least amount of business talking to them about any of that when in large groups. Especially as an ex. I can tell they still love me and I'm very likely still a FP. We've had strong and intense bonding moments unlike any I've felt before, and I still love them. It's been hard lately to not reach out to them directly for any excuse even though we still talk directly on our friends group chat online sometimes. I'm starting to worry about how they may be feeling, if they're experiencing any guilt. I don't want them to. I want them to feel comfortable and not worried about their standing with me, but I also want to keep my distance as I've made it very clear I want to get back together with them and don't want them to feel pressure to get back together. I want it to be their choice. I want to talk about it, but don't know of too many people other than therapists or shared friends that I'd want to talk to about this. So here I am. Any advice would be much appreciated.",6.846428571428575,6.512914631868135,6.873934065934068,78.19606593406597,64.76923076923077,9.477802197802195,31.661538461538463,8.841846274778883,2.3629850549450544,1482,49,291,20,20,474,178,364,0.084,0.7490000000000001,0.16699999999999998,0.9913,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,5,0,16,2,28,16,0,3,10,0,27,4,0,2,1,61,64,32,0,14,8,3,7,1,2,4,2,0,1,1,14,22,0,1,11,1,0,1,7,5,0,1,12,11,47,11,49,44,10,27,0,1,2,2,42,10,0,6,15,199,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108284344975086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327111923519269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821314318885825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760630392459096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121233096025795,0.0,0.0,0.07338521820765549,0.0,0.0,0.20900984932462452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459920374503717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261254921876803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866728728283338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960926662513536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20977490525864345,0.0,0.07966963493788275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097851583471483,0.12821356049648105,0.0,0.08670270335905735,0.07959780292274142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432988303232457,0.0,0.0,0.08819923430410019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375256894178309,0.0,0.0,0.045601246448453085,0.0,0.09360014574167623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04053771062500886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054292916929837,0.14977752482384568,0.07851356493567699,0.0,0.16824856819569214,0.0,0.09038480642784844,0.0,0.0,0.08361993766867602,0.0,0.08378175134810932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199329798566025,0.061525392027363526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621343951314526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057524867103715516,0.0724511358035102,0.0,0.0,0.07843880798995237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939648956677421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192844269716794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224169801938127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20591494180908135,0.0932681055259672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206503810867867,0.0,0.05873059112480214,0.0,0.265057840499349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415978268111183,0.0,0.0,0.06238736127100392,0.2667707330065389,0.0725243741420765,0.0,0.0,0.09634112332688656,0.0551253339205375,0.0,0.08152315342081355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105515181081302,0.08638057644542657,0.099809488696754,0.0,0.0,0.13692719995147387,0.3915294987696621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853159769507026,0.0,0.0589435200500809,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Small4Town2Titan0,2020/04/08,Any advice? How do you regain focus when rage is starting to take over?,0.91,3.4918457142857164,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857143,91.85714285714286,2.8000000000000003,14.142857142857142,3.1291,-1.1138857142857144,56,1,10,0,2,18,14,14,0.233,0.767,0.0,-0.6072,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6200592922448108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4315048869376745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4491264392883853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4770906079372192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Etheimos,2020/04/08,"I suspect i might have BPD, overlapping with another condition, need opinions on my situation. Hello there, it's my first time posting here, and though i don't have a certified medical opinion yet, because covid-19 cancelled my first therapy appointment, and as an avid reddit user i might aswell ask any opinion on the matter in a dedicated group as this one. Some background: i'm male, 25, gay, single. I left my retail work about 2 months ago on a sick leave, for reactional depression (implying the work caused it). It was also fuelled retroactively by my parents, my mom being 100% BPD and my father having a lot of signs of an overt narcissist. I started to realize progressively that i might have taken on, well, a big part of BPD but also some narcissistic traits. Some of the things i verified about myself and fit into this theory: -i do have unstable relationships with grandiose expectations that turn to disappointment; -outside of relationships, i tend to have very promiscuous tendencies, and in a disappointing relationship i do tend to cheat as soon as i lose trust in the durability of the relationship; -if i don't ""click"" with someone, let's say a customer, on the first 30 seconds, the rest of the interaction with that customer will cause me exceptional annoyance, even if they don't do anything bad. And i do label every fucking person i come accross. -i cry spontaneously, especially when i wake up. But i also cry a lot overall. -emptiness is quite a constant in my life for at least 6-7 years now. -when someone in a position of weakness or sadness seeks my help or attention, unless i'm in good dispositions, i don't want to be emotionally contaminated and even if i do comply, inside i feel angry. That might be a narcissistic defense? -i don't harm myself, nor prone to substance abuse or acloholism, but when i'm alone and i think again about something i was embarassed or regretful about, i tend to audibly whisper to myself that i want to die. And that happens veeery often nowadays because of the confinement. -i do tend to feel anxiety when i'm facing abandonnent or rejection, but i always tend to twist it, for myself or anyone i explain the situation to, as the other one is actually a jerk and i'm a victim. My first breakup was painful because my first ex decided we weren't a good match after 6 months, and because he made the first step he became ""the ennemy"". -i tend to have a very superficial charm and approachability, which is in my opinion a more narcissistic trait, but it only lasts so long before i become pretty underwhelming, which favors my promiscuous contacts. If people are not around long enough to realize i'm awkward and push me away, it's a win, right? So, what do you think? Is it even a thing, having BPD and NPD traits overlapping? And do i belong here?",7.575549132947978,7.900327778420043,8.140815028901732,67.51018208092488,63.1233140655106,11.313063583815026,36.56782273603083,11.00357731598739,4.247521464354529,2243,100,380,57,30,747,265,519,0.177,0.733,0.09,-0.9932,1,1,1,0,1,1,81.0,1,1,1,12,28,25,6,1,33,0,39,9,2,3,0,77,67,47,1,9,18,4,2,0,0,5,5,3,0,2,21,23,0,2,10,0,1,4,8,18,1,9,6,6,54,7,60,52,11,53,0,7,1,2,23,23,1,24,25,281,75,2,0.0,0.08547619077930045,0.0703999527403426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394931886719074,0.0,0.0,0.07471710819319295,0.0,0.1730752220449584,0.06002772480122815,0.0,0.0,0.049058871729512135,0.07564692718610784,0.05518825015779879,0.0,0.0,0.050443197085183626,0.0,0.05936652291440968,0.06422146275922933,0.06744280866728818,0.0,0.06777955977799849,0.0,0.060235357566583984,0.175907793085367,0.07967490778888336,0.06138732562365259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36344009313612297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821892303722572,0.0,0.062143739744064785,0.0,0.07795961545146902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584886751870555,0.0,0.0,0.06213559354951038,0.0,0.07487175881804077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811497717762387,0.0,0.07454172443379915,0.0,0.1429468594406378,0.0,0.06078254559058886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729540845574309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.368182473343142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666938961156743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101817376267135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379472152467691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04835510211257731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058805164330779015,0.0,0.07638770907870325,0.07838223505451085,0.073769838982515,0.05095585969834277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276863776815457,0.0,0.08070817807437777,0.0,0.12266469178476253,0.0,0.06826227913391837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267523510648345,0.0,0.3061240343275926,0.0,0.08449155926926097,0.11516573166162318,0.0,0.0,0.05349220211611108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977702493974772,0.0548670605235966,0.07676392070710895,0.0,0.0801048888469049,0.07812249764164426,0.0,0.05001401399353651,0.06299140358536054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069091865781096,0.07339410697131997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673164355889069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30981301460024474,0.0,0.06160867022435329,0.0,0.057370024376874364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16218072530323402,0.0,0.0,0.12225096097741026,0.05553825260171186,0.0,0.0,0.05106231016698521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250039159821973,0.0,0.09585556163491107,0.09245105574399676,0.07087891448118516,0.0,0.04206644133343407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846952058461971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904901722104905,0.0851021602320374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486410754918717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504012328756826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04645692920519319 bpd,Jacob-golds97,2020/04/08,"Symptoms disappear in a romantic relationship Title basically says it all. About a month ago, I entered a new romantic relationship, and it's been going really well even though we can't see each other because of social distancing (we were close friends and clearly romantically interested in another for a while before we started dating). And with the beginning of the relationship, all of my symptoms have either faded or disappeared. It's been a full month since I last cut, which is the longest I've gone without cutting in about two year (normally I'd SH about 3-4 times a week), the intrusive thoughts have gone down, and my suicidal ideation is nonexistent (meanwhile, my last attempt was at the end of February). For the first time in a while, I just feel ... fine. The temptation to all this stuff isn't even really there anymore. It makes me feel like it's all done for good. Like after four years of cutting and six years of depression and two pretty crazy hypomanic episodes, it's all just over. I feel like I've grown to the point where I have a much more stable idea of my own identity. I recognize my flaws, but I don't *hate* myself for them, whereas previously they made me feel like I didn't deserve to exist. It feels really good, even if deep down I know it isn't real. In my last relationship, all of this stuff also happened for the first six months, before it came back even worse than before. Anyone else have symptoms just disappear like this for long periods of time? Idk, some part of me makes me hope that maybe if I just marry this girl, my symptoms will be gone forever.",6.7346504782928625,7.1233020529801365,7.012273730684327,74.67111846946284,64.89403973509934,10.817071376011775,33.334069168506254,10.62613485830676,3.5301451066961,1268,50,234,31,18,411,164,302,0.064,0.7979999999999999,0.138,0.9494,0,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,3,0,2,3,17,17,4,0,17,0,18,4,0,3,7,45,39,14,1,4,10,0,5,5,1,1,4,1,0,1,18,13,0,0,8,0,0,10,6,5,1,7,12,7,27,12,35,25,14,52,0,1,1,0,13,14,0,5,33,162,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492429095269673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759278817928664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862944097872594,0.0,0.0,0.08382382572786717,0.05910025066636879,0.08660351447395473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499275395434509,0.0,0.05152426524411622,0.0,0.21576782649021495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667147390185446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279929438013938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649608762334822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060788635310887,0.0,0.07486204172979577,0.0,0.0,0.22330583608450727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21368613279995946,0.18114914291642226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378996391259452,0.0,0.0,0.06530204335267556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048036209270611294,0.14178729378477134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747431616384803,0.0,0.0,0.08344868663006891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395013178086988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541586207923193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04645147613063372,0.20669189226193144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20646765649450946,0.0,0.0,0.07479994690777161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997744078471956,0.11283914307891865,0.0,0.08491443227842478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20239568473080216,0.0,0.06213392407906885,0.0,0.0,0.08163256910580567,0.0,0.0,0.08281431915454306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152986844801164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990129000485324,0.0,0.0,0.08598999211160936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620535907294354,0.16244225515631078,0.0,0.0,0.36298307562975496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721585897268313,0.0,0.0,0.06735366418070947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991806693411005,0.0,0.0,0.08616026824696528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05982561583827716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19351658369439448,0.09245413644797587,0.0,0.0,0.3514058745754463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304314268035479,0.06710159793646006,0.14785763221449075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513283047475108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779902718320123,0.0,0.07599607552498397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147688531617997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613587206223981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328958035194324 bpd,LittleRossa,2020/04/09,"Advice on handling the current state of the world and possible relapse? I have been in ‘remission’ for about a year. My mental health has been pretty good, I was excelling in my current career path, and had just finished up a trade program with an appointment to take the licensing exam for it. Two weeks ago, my place of work announced we’d be closing until further notice (a day after we were assured that this was *not* going to happen and we still had good job security). That same day, I received an email from the testing company canceling my licensing exam two days later. Between the stimulus check, PTO, and unemployment insurance, I (thankfully) don’t have to worry about money. But mentally, I am **spiraling**. I was finally getting my shit together, making huge strides toward a more lucrative career, and felt amazing for the first time in years. Now I’m stuck at home with my family, and have completely lost my sense of self. I’ve even tried to slip back into my protective ‘character’ that I haven’t had to use in a few years, and can’t even do that. I’ve loaded myself up with projects, including making masks for a local police department and participating in a online study group with my friends from my trade program, but when I’m not doing anything, I’m completely numb. I know, BPD or not, everyone is struggling with their mental health. What is everyone doing to stay sane and safe (that doesn’t including bleaching/cutting/coloring my hair...because I’ve already done that)?",6.236365731847867,7.684102459854017,6.657568190549368,73.01660968113717,66.37226277372262,10.001997694967343,34.12908182865924,10.186864033877496,3.813134306569343,1190,54,195,29,19,386,165,274,0.049,0.8640000000000001,0.08800000000000001,0.8509,5,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,3,0,1,4,9,13,1,1,15,0,26,4,1,3,1,33,41,14,0,0,7,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,9,18,0,3,2,0,4,3,7,4,0,3,13,1,24,9,36,26,3,43,0,1,0,0,9,17,1,1,21,137,33,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626964396963704,0.10547200650566016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130164037702136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097913572841188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149123843188972,0.0,0.07253145234911547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985599747856554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249504611970012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302042254624093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176179181039788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717542533119772,0.0,0.0,0.22738834074088404,0.0,0.0,0.11216738720610717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424315792722793,0.13034099494824553,0.0,0.1012076044791182,0.0,0.0,0.0919266295849864,0.0,0.0621641522537998,0.0,0.06762126557721948,0.19959602129473467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521702815398698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529485433570803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935050579175124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807311447642205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539041384777199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298849308053978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588452914479595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597232152147747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546390512665174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431280184028375,0.0,0.0,0.13413641647286634,0.0,0.12104935384898548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412610797078025,0.0,0.12213521514020928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682095586761216,0.09502065860985433,0.0,0.0,0.12438775719717872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946104964461551,0.0,0.0,0.10954434574962688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938044145871661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807822258021432,0.0,0.23245987047281014,0.0,0.0,0.10276384639047882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544166978715532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662166198947373,0.1208338782160712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298651006528717 bpd,fuckingshiteater6767,2020/04/09,"How do you deal with Chronic loneliness No matter what, I always feel so lonely to the point where I can feel a physical pain in my stomach. I can hang out with someone and dissociate for a bit and get so caught up in my own fantasy world that I just get dragged down the depression pit and I feel that loneliness again. I have no one to talk to, and every friendship feels so empty.",6.6679870129870125,5.723428233766235,7.08892857142857,78.52482142857143,65.36363636363636,10.816883116883119,33.535714285714285,10.125756701596842,3.071262337662338,302,11,62,6,4,99,53,77,0.275,0.6779999999999999,0.047,-0.9554,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,4,0,4,3,1,1,0,14,11,8,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,4,1,0,2,2,3,0,1,1,4,9,0,11,10,2,11,0,2,0,0,3,8,0,0,1,46,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22705053389359944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29790446251223385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28131802256237104,0.2350233952049333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229905589016642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5518871122746462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851276736619085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18490445371797087,0.0,0.29035398622935016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25795129771639225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312027155022097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193233761934673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RamenTheory,2020/04/09,"Seeking audio recordings about people's experiences during quarantine Hello, I am an NYU student directing a **PSA** to help people recognize the **impact that the shelter-in-place can have on one's mental health** and to make them aware of the resources that are available to help with such. I am seeking people with diagnosed mental health problems to **submit audio content** describing their experiences during quarantine. I would like to know how the isolation has affected your mental well-being, how coping with your mental health condition is different during quarantine, etc. Even if you are only able to record on an iPhone, that would be totally fine. The final PSA will be a compilation of people's audio with animation over each statement. **We fully intend to treat this issue with care and integrity and to tell your story as honestly as possible.** Please PM me for my email if you are interested! Thank you all for your time.",4.267210049664037,7.622230509202456,5.0285539000876405,72.83519427402865,81.33128834355827,8.012737364884607,26.166812737364893,8.704169506293173,3.0175144025708445,755,30,108,20,21,243,104,163,0.04,0.7909999999999999,0.16899999999999998,0.9663,1,4,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,7,2,0,5,8,0,0,9,0,14,4,0,5,2,24,18,9,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,3,4,3,0,0,4,10,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,15,7,23,13,4,5,0,0,0,0,15,3,0,2,3,79,19,1,0.13124143351289488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380938824942654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320729240511595,0.0,0.13711936470576114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636889047306478,0.08668372906782852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567586104645241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437685753827866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185105200942917,0.0,0.0,0.17593673286601302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369819589925667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212685959868502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411793515353177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760467597629025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5290419866656065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893259190333343,0.09981502415204882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639451406410801,0.0,0.0,0.14406368293434774,0.0,0.14795499689804786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558032732908872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471079759061065,0.12082947913599044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652793529701972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180018101906292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18646029773375544,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fumalsam,2020/04/09,"Feel Super duper lonely If anyone wants to chat and feel bored upset want to vent, send me a message ! I’m not close to one at the moment so would be nice to talk to an adult.",0.05289473684210577,1.9736898157894769,1.778157894736843,99.2346052631579,85.05263157894737,3.8,12.13157894736842,3.1291,-1.6989684210526317,135,1,32,0,4,44,33,38,0.157,0.6559999999999999,0.187,0.3304,0,2,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,7,3,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,2,1,2,6,5,0,4,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,17,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291427808235541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4760267320709238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31897633009020965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3783519771129631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5552931473705479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343904647650993,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,meiiwukou,2020/04/09,"Another friendship down the drain My friend is getting tired of putting up with my self-image problems and irrational abandonment fears. The worst part is that she hasn't said any of that, but Iv'e assumed it already. Recently she's been telling me about a friend that she has, and who she has been talking to frequently. She's been friends with them for about five years, and we've been friends for about three but I've just barely heard of this other person. We've had our issues in the past, but nothing as big as this one. I can see and feel her slipping away from me, and when we talk about it and I tell her that's what it feels like, she's quick to reassure me that that's no the case. Things don't change. I know it's my brain that's screwing me over. I can tell that the things I'm arguing for are rational/irrational, but I still cling onto my ideas as much as I do. I feel like I'm the backburner friend now, or that I have always been and just didn't know it and that's humiliating for me. I feel like I have to struggle to hold onto her when she's got these other people she could be happy with instead. I know THAT'S irrational. I still feel bad. I don't know what to do anymore. We argue practically every day, and she's been nice but I feel like things don't change. Well. There goes another one.",2.4844408791914,4.187749678966789,3.2435937750681876,92.79373335472486,76.19557195571957,6.779464142467513,22.852719396759184,7.586124646067393,0.7310669340606446,1037,30,232,14,23,327,128,271,0.138,0.7040000000000001,0.157,0.8905,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,3,0,1,0,15,22,3,2,7,0,25,3,1,0,0,38,42,21,0,2,8,0,6,4,5,0,1,2,0,1,27,14,0,2,12,0,0,1,6,9,1,4,11,9,39,13,31,29,3,20,0,1,1,1,33,8,1,2,15,163,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309215913586812,0.0,0.08527377939118062,0.0,0.0,0.06969172026585048,0.21492400059636727,0.0,0.0,0.10163525670352756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096285828704641,0.0,0.08556873694097887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440453699067388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216826122372526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818240616158243,0.0,0.0,0.06609283485209788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634605760403911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532147971852702,0.3109098603771478,0.2928545192979074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958892284969764,0.0,0.053542957872013054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196474186124332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909469282183648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569044423591793,0.0,0.1069652668895417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252871500340129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002713962201701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533654386373632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833487227164713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888979976750018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097872943612387,0.0978312911740475,0.0710485698046146,0.08948390215797349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806206107448724,0.0,0.1030233750403163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118925906353174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748447401636304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166540824745266,0.0,0.10691176070031884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368556270651555,0.0,0.0,0.10713712327663294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16474335361497142,0.2687230749866345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20425476835928372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117788737105125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214421529169857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599547034896595 bpd,lakelid,2020/04/09,"I notice people with BPD seem to have a pretty good sense of humor r/bpdmemes is so hilarious, and the comments and captions are great too. I’ve always felt like I can make just about anybody laugh, its always been a strong suit of mine.",3.285,5.200533617021278,3.80526595744681,88.70875000000002,74.53191489361703,5.5510638297872354,22.388297872340427,5.985473137389443,0.3068340425531915,188,5,37,1,4,59,41,47,0.0,0.5670000000000001,0.433,0.9755,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,8,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,6,5,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,22,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4902769248569352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710499852829064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828710414051586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471042267578615,0.0,0.3248076928370341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393117816615866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966539345962936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354145369510392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042449306691124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29972347933952925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26820115900387115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,r0sebudbean,2020/04/09,"Does anyone find having a diagnosis super validating? I was diagnosed with BPD in June last year, and a few months ago i was kind of diagnosed with ADD (long story, my therapist says i definitely have it but the criteria to be diagnosed is more ADHD biased in germany), which was probably the most validating moment of my entire life, i identify so much with ADD and it has helped me an incredible amount to understand myself more, be kinder to myself etc. I had an appointment with a new psyc. to get a prescription for ADD meds (my therapist cant prescribe them) but she wanted to formally diagnose me before prescribing me anything. So now im terrified i'll fail the test (i always fail tests) and i wont have ADD and then i dont have a reason why i am all these things that dont make sense. When i was 19 i was diagnosed with dyslexia and dyscalcular, which i felt gave me a lot of answers to some difficulties i had throughout school, but my parents basically dont believe it.Being diagnosed with BPD helped for a while but somehow it just didnt sit well with me 100%, i dont doubt i have it, when i was younger i was almost a walking textbook definition, but there was still something unanswered. My parents dont accept this diagnosis either. When i was almost/kind of diagnosed with ADD, it was like a light switch had been turned on, everything made so much sense. I finally had some solid answers to things, i had a base to grow my confidence, there were things i literally could not help doing becase my brain just didnt work in that way and it was such a relief to go a bit easier on myself for once. Im so scared it will be taken away, something that has become part of my acceptance journey, i live for validation and for being considered a good person, and one of my irrational stupid thoughts is saying ""everyone will think youre a liar if you dont have ADD any more and why should they like you if youre a bad person who lies about stuff""... Does anyone feel validation in their diagnosis? Or has anyone had a diagnosis taken away?",6.053026315789473,6.351535107769427,7.011544486215537,74.40423402255641,66.34335839598998,10.760275689223056,31.41196741854637,10.595843684498618,3.2867050125313284,1624,59,308,41,24,545,200,399,0.133,0.759,0.10800000000000001,-0.9368,2,0,2,0,0,0,42.0,0,4,3,4,17,16,2,2,21,0,50,9,1,3,1,59,64,26,0,5,12,2,2,2,0,4,8,2,0,2,19,23,0,0,11,0,0,4,11,7,1,1,27,5,47,9,37,28,16,30,0,2,0,0,19,8,0,10,18,225,66,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413020409960563,0.0,0.062053584565139965,0.0,0.14019612136543366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824824350266914,0.0,0.0,0.04760455466085512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684352788317526,0.0,0.05760664249854381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154056114989718,0.0,0.05844972113514025,0.0,0.07731299904014746,0.05956753987835633,0.07886959823018089,0.0,0.0,0.07642532864985936,0.0,0.17633307870426326,0.07814668677781267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589183333263716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.497362192813287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252048788785673,0.0,0.4922591483063688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807203667406024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689102681731042,0.06291433344904472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03539570503368975,0.0,0.06721401911554073,0.07668504867110294,0.06398162721663737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03657376593659843,0.0,0.0397844135227729,0.05871533592950856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076494345453888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512308678017724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457950539127278,0.0,0.057061925010418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049445307704485714,0.06840002364700215,0.0,0.06181407974454736,0.061950600691568124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951418998402985,0.0,0.06623869004207696,0.04672765813510568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775773841632395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055875860722710835,0.0,0.10292076610077576,0.0,0.0,0.06760949574384223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074551089122709,0.04743595824328516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554604672010923,0.07580660904166217,0.0,0.0,0.122248132067798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547525490337292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197491557899964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133865761941628,0.0700853831868037,0.07084694317274003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778371733959416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05590462028581452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013687909718471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255814677586644,0.1395209825214259,0.044855203365503735,0.0,0.055574695857115435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614334472422186,0.0,0.07287576654444533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04128968212782788,0.05556525627401593,0.0,0.0,0.06294125495542807,0.0,0.1263339414084794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05096313994129161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04507974496269747 bpd,NumberOneSayoriLover,2020/04/09,"I feel like only giving a first impression because after that my relationship can only go downhill Does anyone else have this problem with friendships and relationships? Like I finally found someone who understands me but I'm afraid of talking to them again because of how sure I am that I'm going to ruin it and just be annoying.",7.042540983606558,8.28461649180328,7.57389344262295,67.92346311475413,64.40983606557378,10.034426229508195,36.56147540983606,10.125756701596842,4.144308196721312,270,13,41,6,4,89,49,61,0.159,0.674,0.16699999999999998,-0.5287,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,1,3,8,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,11,12,4,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,1,1,6,4,6,10,0,6,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,6,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668253857311006,0.2149436459094677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557589837236333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835792470700977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752436562752063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607069873158832,0.14986634768169432,0.0,0.22980292911435846,0.0,0.17843813427374708,0.0,0.23001213448893815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012393847372877,0.23844477949911716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20497510346492945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190931656474853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20073042375587008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4504488423662975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17774528911090606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19771447310946896,0.0,0.0,0.16861262561561596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21838761145206734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fckthatguy24,2020/04/09,"I don’t want to leave My girl is an amazing human, it’s a long distance relationship but I never felt this way about a person before. I noticed very early her push and pull patterns, I figured they would get milder in time but they didn’t, they last longer and there are very few instances in which we can communicate meaningfully. Most of the time she just isn’t there for me and I feel alone. She has very awful bouts of depression and she disassociates completely and goes into auto mode, she can only cover for the basic tasks in this state, which are work, house keeping and child rearing. I feel awful when trying to reel her back in, I feel possessive and manipulative but I didn’t want things to reach that point in the first place, I try to give her time to come down from her emotions but it is taking longer and it’s starting to progress into other things (like ignoring me on social media), when we do talk I ask her to be very honest with me and just tell me what is going on, she always says the same, that she wants to protect me from herself when she depersonalizes but she doesn’t want me gone. I’m at a lost here, the people I talk to with about this say she obviously just wants this over but can’t bring herself to do it and is pushing me to do so. Is this a thing with bpd? If your feelings change you try and avoid the process of giving the other person closure? We had a bad discussion once and she got really unwell for it, she told me she can’t see life without me but nothing changes. I don’t want to leave her and I don’t want to be another jerk who ends up a foe but it’s taking a toll on me and I just can’t connect with her at all anymore. What are some of your experiences? Do you ever try and push the other person to their limits so you won’t have to bring yourself to talk about your real feelings and intentions? What would you like to hear from the other person in a similar situation? I read a lot to understand her condition and challenges but nothing seems to work lately and this pandemic makes me feel less creative and patient to work something through, I need support too.",3.998862239089185,5.228430343529411,4.805244781783681,85.02979506641368,71.4470588235294,7.460341555977229,25.94497153700189,7.831003766801068,1.3365992409867171,1676,52,341,21,31,542,202,425,0.099,0.816,0.085,-0.8977,0,2,1,0,0,0,30.0,3,7,4,8,21,13,2,1,19,2,32,1,0,3,4,81,70,34,0,11,15,0,7,2,0,3,1,3,0,7,27,29,0,5,11,1,0,9,13,7,0,1,8,11,64,6,55,57,7,45,0,2,1,0,58,18,0,5,18,250,91,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572976968441166,0.0,0.0,0.0688752970548902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867966360291941,0.0,0.0,0.08209039808817792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738330074240228,0.0,0.0,0.06364874185389845,0.06911353311063888,0.0,0.0,0.07043529138801942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425201212979872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751296083542913,0.07130319446801152,0.08678784390080521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129384759418514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931105527576256,0.073313938536328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748745808818563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096967585037275,0.0,0.0,0.2511206744166569,0.0,0.07947682632908581,0.0,0.0,0.07040823582181997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04324643700515726,0.1588103363094346,0.04704284858667043,0.0,0.06620260042449103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329325951656296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551105071658668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357408023370814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747254164730848,0.09337362388177672,0.17529320564988585,0.0,0.0,0.058466316773326386,0.08087921049555613,0.0,0.0,0.07325312779886863,0.0,0.0,0.09035851490521214,0.0703722081154841,0.0,0.0,0.055252847832008574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613764943293669,0.06384105879269188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588493810622602,0.0942397029016712,0.0,0.08815250212406638,0.0,0.06295399508485182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573856510823776,0.289103186783279,0.08648208909487408,0.0,0.07824897810738764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279723911045724,0.09421588857269857,0.0530276814749331,0.0,0.0,0.08886919953538833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316517487240386,0.0,0.0,0.06596082983902453,0.07535510467782182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304238723711587,0.0,0.08437852434389886,0.0,0.06372411512378644,0.0,0.0,0.05858845712886475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393190644297517,0.0,0.0,0.12447275503977055,0.1995938405520614,0.07234885779016771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649757750396887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448000229465521,0.0,0.0,0.07909490596292003,0.0,0.2247947289637643,0.0,0.0,0.08617152667653401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731916444390953,0.3417592129122443,0.06570281439694536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979199103014045,0.0,0.18078320604528894,0.0,0.0,0.1176017414890332,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,saadlilgrrl,2020/04/09,Anyone else can’t handle sarcasm that well? Whenever someone is sarcastic to me even if it’s a close friend or family member it makes me feel like they’re being so rude or mean to me that it actually puts me n tears sometimes. Even if my boyfriend is being sarcastic to me even if he has no bad intentions it makes me feel like he’s trying to put me down or start an argument or makes me feel like I’m less than him.,7.2860227272727265,4.970577375000005,8.008181818181821,76.83227272727272,65.02272727272727,11.981818181818182,33.36363636363636,10.686352973137794,3.1410136363636365,331,10,72,7,4,112,56,88,0.19699999999999998,0.675,0.127,-0.7241,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,0,2,0,6,0,0,4,0,16,15,8,0,3,7,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,3,10,5,6,13,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,7,4,44,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.17513981186127253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549173264029034,0.18389135344665347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985250388616467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499267075285446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3556207794759841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919122305948586,0.0,0.272240906702581,0.3846467579167401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866043667970313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630444066365403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593989724652,0.0,0.0,0.19549877064430915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608399810609193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206693663853732,0.0,0.17750343998282736,0.0,0.12703195169508874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185042306297032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16136782981395373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,foxinforest,2020/04/09,"Does anyone else tell their FP that they're their FP? My FP doesn't know they're my FP and I'm mulling over telling them. I'm recently diagnosed BPD and I've been taking advantage of this isolation time to learn as much as I can. In my learning I've discovered the FP phenomenon and it really resonated with me. I'm fascinated. I feel the urge to tell my FP who they are and what that means to people with BPD but I'm scared of placing too much pressure on them and alienating them. Does anyone else feel this way? Has anyone told their FP about it? Thanks guys.",2.1457944664031596,4.27496267826087,3.3655335968379454,89.55407114624504,78.73913043478261,7.6600790513834,22.62845849802372,8.575989854853784,1.3763913043478264,448,14,97,10,11,145,66,115,0.079,0.856,0.065,-0.3899,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,7,1,2,4,0,2,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,14,16,8,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,7,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,14,2,13,14,2,7,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,0,2,51,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32517457138730216,0.3176665680452859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904770888825254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15733903992299395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713129254616725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589937033267771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567625537087111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349124856924373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519331514827667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688590093108055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22791073250635974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746930212903896,0.0,0.16195982072845394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930788993665476,0.0,0.15306063280961318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551991072865998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655352745758828,0.0,0.4064751959709017,0.14271886995371452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039168689280896,0.0,0.0,0.14812543180166693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304531669453946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Royal_idiot97,2020/04/09,Medications for anxiety Any medicine you find helpful for extreme anxiety and other symptoms?,8.647857142857141,13.151600928571431,8.211428571428574,48.658571428571435,75.42857142857143,11.371428571428574,57.0,10.125756701596842,9.291828571428573,79,7,7,3,2,25,12,14,0.198,0.64,0.163,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27348071455387024,0.0,0.615298377481974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675644327351225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269557521644302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4051311113894885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179953568313433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thrwy9845,2020/04/09,Why do I only experience borderline symptoms with women and not men? I'm bisexual with a preference for women and I've noticed I only experience borderline-like symptoms with women I'm romantically or sexually interested in. With men I'm fairly stable. Is anyone else like this?,3.7132285714285733,6.986694380000002,7.491714285714287,54.07300000000001,85.2,10.057142857142855,31.142857142857146,9.606745405546679,4.953085714285715,229,12,30,9,7,86,31,50,0.0,0.7829999999999999,0.217,0.8611,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,9,5,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,5,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,6,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18024974991255546,0.26413190552441745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21534686762749025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5043277446444027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594106802780275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29349071934156445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921152706127818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5358760774772089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23261149135352802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,emodoraa,2020/04/09,"/: idk, here is some flair goddamn it i'm tired of being this way",-1.4450000000000005,0.5519202142857154,0.6257142857142846,103.04428571428572,96.85714285714286,2.8000000000000003,14.142857142857142,3.1291,-1.581028571428571,49,1,12,0,2,16,14,14,0.4920000000000001,0.508,0.0,-0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8228458008944902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5682647164397108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Sirtemmie,2020/04/09,"Anyone else disappointed with how easy it is for you to lie? Now, I know that the links between BPD and lying are unclear at best and non-existent at worst, so this might have something to do with the disorder, or it might have to do with my other personality quirks. Hell, I don't even know if my diagnosis is correct. I'd say that I lie pretty often. Sometimes it's to get away from an exhausting conversation, sometimes it's to carry a conversation forward, sometimes I don't even notice doing it. Almost never do I lie to ""cover my tracks"", if you will. It's rare that I get caught, but when I do, I just come clean quite easily, actually. Never do I really feel strongly about it. Really, the only thing on my mind when I think about it is the absence of shame and the seeming lack of conscience I have during these moments. Just wanted to see if anyone here feels this way.",6.005549132947976,5.94037744508671,7.0494855491329504,75.3344595375723,66.45664739884393,9.69456647398844,30.016763005780355,9.3871,2.5140917919075143,690,22,132,12,10,233,102,173,0.12300000000000001,0.7829999999999999,0.095,-0.4576,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,2,0,3,13,7,1,1,7,0,18,1,0,1,3,33,30,12,0,5,7,0,2,0,0,3,1,1,1,1,16,7,0,0,7,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,1,4,17,2,21,26,3,14,1,1,1,0,6,5,1,10,7,103,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.14708325734223548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092664705565828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21077712268955875,0.15443284410645702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160859553614338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817379211950774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898295050864201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298339460354119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274085428055735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590917091633086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19910136200345574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241948290369828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574923987696063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566610755627886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197851587039965,0.15218659259433606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324927135165721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17159837777559878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146311278413636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160492959514322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533388007074631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603117564224956,0.0,0.0,0.1931131749809098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986045062099385,0.0,0.0,0.12010618718650692,0.13721195336658212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603341737862526,0.4472047308604985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001332223306513,0.09657678659039294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889993846981666,0.11963637425269455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chloelouiise,2020/04/09,"I can’t it take it anymore. I can’t cope anymore. My boyfriend is ignoring me and it’s literally tearing me apart. I know that he’s busy but I can literally see when he’s on Facebook and ignoring my messages. He’s been like this for the last month. It tears me apart so much every time he does it and gets angry at me when I try to talk to him. Why is he ghosting me?! I’ve only been recently diagnosed and I don’t really know any coping mechanisms and I’m on a waiting list of SIX MONTHS to get therapy. I can’t do it anymore. I love him. I don’t want to lose him but it hurts so much. I don’t get it.",-0.9181388888888868,1.0324844222222218,2.297662037037039,93.61760416666668,89.96296296296295,6.041666666666668,21.030092592592595,7.413659706084162,0.697675925925926,467,17,114,9,16,167,72,135,0.151,0.77,0.079,-0.8655,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,2,0,12,2,0,0,0,13,23,11,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,2,1,20,2,9,21,2,12,0,2,1,1,11,5,0,0,8,67,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137436484569784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5310206728114651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18115619602561014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15619142437017494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037938306934964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797495518356424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19106943506107527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961788619865263,0.14548723235315558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719763775473653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19967650103412787,0.0,0.0,0.16108761634572322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849263963812441,0.0,0.2624106601544646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574414549766128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143405958563066,0.0,0.17623014615211208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422276135255078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419678725583406,0.143457643399322,0.0,0.0,0.2041105365195654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407470490384113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117804578738743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527372808440108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105288670536164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hlynn999,2020/04/09,"Seeking advice Hello all, I do not know if this is allowed, if not please delete. Thank you. I’m looking for someone unbiased to talk to. Doesn’t have to be a counselor or anything like that, just someone that won’t judge and is able to understand things outside of their own point of view. Basically I need some advice on how to deal with your “split” self. I’m very self destructive and I effectively ruin everything before it ruins itself, bc to me, everything good will always come to an end and will ruin itself no matter what and I guess subconsciously I’d rather rip the band aid off quicker rather than slower. Normally I don’t really give a shit what I ruin bc I don’t care about anything, including my own life. And when it comes to relationships, there’s only been one or two I’ve ruined all by myself, that were going to end in shit even if I didn’t do what I do. But now I’m in a relationship with this amazing guy and it’s a complex situation that I’d rather explain to someone in private bc it can get misconstrued quickly, especially on the internet. I feel like I’m ruining the best thing I’ve ever had with my constant paranoia, low self worth/inability to believe anyone could actually love/want me, and my huge general distrust in people. I need to know how to defer what’s actually going on and what my head thinks is going on and how to handle it appropriately and without causing unnecessary issues and tension. He knows I’ve got bpd among bipolar and extreme anxiety and he’s pretty good with helping me with it, but he’s got a similar past and issues and he’s also learning how to deal with it all. I’m having a hard time figuring out what’s reality and what’s something I’ve taken from one small insignificant thing and turned into some huge evil plot against me. I want his help and I know he’s willing to help me but I know I can’t expect him to help me get over shit that may be 100% made up in my head. I don’t even know how to talk about it. Idk, I’m sorry if I’m rambling or if I’m looking in the wrong place. I just need some advice and tools on how to deal with this asinine mental illness and how to just function like a normal human being and be able to do normal things and not drive all the good in my life into a blazing fire all the fucking time.",4.005670438288469,5.0429489570815464,5.4902341006632875,80.85175510469502,71.23175965665236,8.137755234750943,28.069709975289374,8.484438967287268,1.9661739628040047,1818,65,361,29,33,615,219,466,0.138,0.7659999999999999,0.096,-0.9439,2,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,2,1,2,23,26,7,1,15,0,29,10,5,11,6,101,70,42,0,17,21,0,3,3,0,5,4,0,0,5,29,34,0,0,14,1,0,6,12,16,0,3,8,6,35,10,57,52,11,41,0,7,3,1,30,25,4,13,13,237,64,1,0.1488885606098351,0.0,0.14529375772212555,0.0,0.0,0.21823826738472935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595330640638649,0.0619436048206474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05694967067030628,0.0,0.0,0.05205317170493055,0.0,0.12252259925436533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334659945915756,0.0838732111279834,0.0781246793329017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375996499846802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590090522206251,0.07647478249393866,0.0,0.12825431147124708,0.0,0.08044782019452172,0.0,0.05943770023725636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302463524709737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187107223422412,0.0,0.0,0.09833949008133804,0.06733911355127876,0.0,0.0,0.13381143788631097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037641264922514066,0.053183008724503635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882253756274492,0.07778812776991961,0.07141373710479898,0.1269252001991925,0.1873209910044262,0.11907978314854276,0.0,0.0820087676782397,0.0737115416149451,0.0,0.0,0.0666874528063678,0.0,0.1528026175364667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19959372748122267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540097481421397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454757774167581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516439351657447,0.10910914509341436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502889237007014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671888694739442,0.07044097801190778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502232506576373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655984716981372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21881876604449305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008907419354591,0.05661822975963725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106548909694088,0.05161029055438345,0.0,0.07777842826126216,0.0817174645769898,0.0703739074060279,0.0,0.0,0.07573659627197382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04769091221807227,0.0,0.0,0.1598505941066284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329848601568525,0.0,0.2292479518198325,0.0,0.08367849015580177,0.0,0.0,0.18922919136460806,0.057310843997194875,0.0,0.0833342769583578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196709852197472,0.0,0.06853829140027694,0.0,0.0,0.19782988775388866,0.04770088889109963,0.0,0.0,0.08681811702168242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097399975852311,0.07272124468090295,0.07749912121597319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061424327687297525,0.043909165308634895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176162966360278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139313405452088,0.0,0.0 bpd,slifer621,2020/04/09,"Relationship's phantom Hello ! I wonder how many people with BPD, who could be *normal* and behave *normally* until they fell in love ? I mean, I'm someone who can control most of the BPD problems, except for my Me problem. I just lose all control whenever I fall in love. In such times, my other Me starts feeling neglected, and wants to prove me that the person I'm in love with doesn't deserve that love, nor deserve me. So I get all paranoid about everything and suspects the person's honesty and feelings. I beging to dig and look for anything that may harm my feelings, anything that may be of *proof* that this person doesn't love me. And if the person doesn't recognize that in any way, I start avoid them. If the person doesn't look for me, and so rapidly - because I feel time passing quickly in such phases - I get to the conclusion that this person absolutely doesn't care. I, then, mind leaving the person's life without any sign; because after all, it isn't like I'll be missed. However ! I doubt everything, even if I do believe that Me is so right about this. But the real issue, is why I lose all calmness when in love, and why I can't think just like right now ? And by now, I still the person in question, yet, I broke my relationship. Am I the only person experiencing such a hard matter, though I *mastered* my BPD in so many different ways compared to many other people ? I honestly won't complain just because of this, my situation is better than a lot of people suffering with BPD, I understand what of a hell this trouble is, yet, I wonder, if *being in love* or *in a relationship* is the hardest part of a BPD for everyone, and if there is anyone who mastered it ? Anyone could give an advice about it ? Thank you - and I wish you all the best if you have it.",4.042356461981825,5.450851201729108,5.2236455331412115,81.38260197295503,71.56484149855908,7.6439370427843025,28.33174462425183,8.139509932561175,1.9463904677455115,1385,52,262,20,26,459,160,347,0.141,0.723,0.136,0.7383,2,1,0,0,0,0,59.0,0,3,2,9,24,29,1,2,18,0,26,8,0,3,7,68,56,29,0,14,13,0,5,2,0,3,1,0,0,9,23,14,0,4,13,0,0,3,10,14,0,0,0,8,40,15,37,47,9,32,1,6,2,7,31,13,1,15,16,195,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06156278070601943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568419523864355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810200061955706,0.0,0.1036871122532901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521247703546135,0.0,0.0,0.07097932226540866,0.06611451638342761,0.05571829875923228,0.0,0.0,0.396730891885414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423260466053109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131950703346655,0.1006005999559829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582149473720562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04161084489330125,0.0,0.0,0.06019911164341533,0.11324050963110588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741858514685375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582970313344506,0.060435252114098614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056435542888415215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657555357864236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670780582378266,0.0,0.0,0.044498697962505586,0.0615571453430365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580811113193964,0.14096156400841398,0.0,0.0535602686590676,0.3980191348860735,0.0,0.0,0.19161605465314333,0.0,0.06862536858024736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361194755838016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345306686852385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04791426871774365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822276078182123,0.0,0.1310286107878163,0.4950818047376349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056480675979793,0.0,0.0,0.0705743148704555,0.0,0.0,0.0717076874385612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029149715532814,0.0,0.10760315396167364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081453588784617,0.0,0.0,0.05337961738222583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918331790847411,0.0,0.05031180769821237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05800185073869974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04036779705240335,0.06189708948254876,0.0,0.07347150566531697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558512576418139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037158977853977315,0.1000127887129051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369523544574485,0.0,0.072446784756066,0.06072966290048658,0.136641425086954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,windyMagician,2020/04/09,"I will never forgive my parents. It was almost four years ago. I had worked so hard in high school, I had a GPA of 5.2 and the highest ACT score in my grade. I got accepted to my dream school which was highly ranked in what I wanted to study. I paid my deposit and signed up for the orientation program I wanted. But my stupid parents didn’t let me go because I cursed out my school on my PERSONAL twitter account and got in trouble with my principal. Everyone blew it out of proportion. My psychologist even said they had no right to do that and it was emotionally abusive. I had to go to stupid community college and now a state university where people bully me. I hate my life, I hate how my parents ruined my life, and I want to kill myself.",3.385720720720723,5.081259013513517,4.767297297297297,82.85045045045045,73.72972972972974,7.636036036036036,27.873873873873876,8.344100000000001,1.947200900900901,586,23,116,10,12,195,91,148,0.235,0.731,0.033,-0.9868,3,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,1,2,5,9,5,0,4,0,11,2,0,1,1,19,22,9,1,3,1,3,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,6,9,0,0,2,1,3,3,3,7,0,1,12,2,28,2,18,8,0,20,0,1,0,0,7,12,0,1,4,82,34,8,0.0,0.16538624964923498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373431617204199,0.0,0.13977493265449212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509015761353919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15701514411909895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219504974223622,0.0,0.0,0.13338013459314754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865955967067485,0.0,0.22327889887560054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504138517661215,0.27562399441712604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29495994800579034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443091473033985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273585305231762,0.19718704018809294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076571102863465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4649802602633081,0.0,0.0,0.09677116082129483,0.12188086418150294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192054398000827,0.1327779818588845,0.0,0.0,0.4238045937776391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469938176263473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016200645749364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988862537528489 bpd,hesaidshesaid_,2020/04/09,"Welp I feel like it takes over your whole fucking life and im sick of it. I dont think anyone would take me seriously if I ever explained to them this is why I react this way or this is why I dont enjoy certain situations. Its honestly so fucking hard when all people seem to think is you're ""immature"" and hey grow up. If it was that easy I would have. My relationship went to shits because I was told i was always sensitive, irrational and moody. My mood swings were too much. In other words I was too much. I was a burden, I used to try my hardest to not get upset over small matters but I couldn't help it. I always need validation, attention and it fucking sucks. Any time I got upset I was ""overreacting"" sometimes I was but I've come to the conclusion that yes I can be highly sensitive but I can't always help it. Even the smallest jokes would trigger me it was horrible. Friendships ended up being one sided, me always trying to reach out and getting ignored. I gave up a lot time ago. If people really cared they would show it. Since they dont I've got my answer. I sometimes really wish I could be ""normal"". Whatever the fuck that is cos it sure is better than always being made to feel like someone who is crazy. As much as I'd love to tell people ""hey this is why im sensitive af"" a part of me knows they wouldn't care. People would still leave when I get ""too much"" or ""unbearable"". I remember the exact words I was told once by someone I loved and still do; ""you're meant to be my peace but you're always ruining it"". Kinda left mark and ill never forget it. Its made me give up all hope of finding someone who is willing to stay by my side and help me with my ""issues"". Any form of relationship I give up on after a while because I always seem to disappoint or mess things up. People tend to leave. Its very rare for anyone to stick around and I do not blame them anymore. This whole bpd shit sucks. Its almost like it takes over every aspect of your life.",1.6472880299251855,3.7994943491271833,3.3860841645885285,88.64166988778057,80.57107231920199,6.204513715710722,20.498815461346634,7.365786028017652,0.6280627930174569,1538,42,318,22,40,512,194,401,0.16,0.6890000000000001,0.151,0.0673,0,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,2,5,2,11,32,8,2,8,1,40,12,2,6,7,72,81,25,0,15,12,0,3,3,0,7,4,0,0,0,28,13,0,1,14,2,0,3,9,17,0,1,19,3,48,14,40,48,11,35,0,2,0,6,25,18,8,12,15,209,76,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059240613245143625,0.0,0.06692042258703433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3892544133932826,0.0,0.0,0.09089315407430268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627723502659545,0.09345794395646212,0.0,0.0,0.05949271868333865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147768984544589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910555499501124,0.0,0.0,0.08416983314540914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627493415192513,0.0,0.0,0.05756798222402594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053358182371318695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23497219399621655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059191394465869324,0.0,0.0,0.04414047334534568,0.060451408571488965,0.0563070152923048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758234152416588,0.09548648979520104,0.0,0.0,0.061081255165153926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471324089506452,0.10474748580369377,0.1282185277372759,0.0,0.0,0.106899842366282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05986640220797908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343838818031711,0.07060938607493147,0.0,0.06637710181133656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437537191373107,0.06975298103492276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03672792758036569,0.0,0.0,0.14152628395032654,0.0726108073456983,0.0,0.09440777260606756,0.0979490397346136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056816332789621525,0.12063306407895867,0.1264720046761662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19651046243975176,0.0495534731772945,0.05154328589568974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547904544457485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117158933963796,0.04528562331888072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237019487486215,0.0,0.2316569521234101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562580252697592,0.0,0.0,0.1435004570913532,0.07570517126680472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216787370873999,0.0,0.0,0.13719972310084502,0.05528232712548077,0.0751195305415129,0.0,0.0,0.1698740977949384,0.0,0.13219282415635578,0.0,0.0,0.07123170826876664,0.10674077934988603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298632518565364,0.0,0.15074314838838831,0.0,0.0584122182781232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04439877042320756,0.0856437149676231,0.0,0.0,0.07793802422849685,0.0,0.0,0.12771753564357144,0.0,0.09074613737569903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577195170670713,0.0,0.055141609882141535,0.0,0.053046409484061766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06195192323712018,0.1809105843400076,0.14922624023010886,0.07685100794470848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373699738863873,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jaypp_,2020/04/09,"How do you cope with your FP ignoring you? My FP is ghosting me right now. He has his own issues and tends to withdraw when he's feeling low so I'm 85% sure that's the reason but I'm still feeling like absolute shit. I can't stop crying about him having not responded to me for almost 2 days straight. I'm also switching antidepressant right now so I'm feeling especially fragile. How the hell can I get through this? It feels like the only thing that could fix my excessively low mood is him messaging me back but... well. I don't know when that will happen. edit: deleted an extra word",1.344878934624699,3.85944002542373,2.9971428571428578,88.58677966101696,85.18644067796609,5.744309927360775,22.83535108958838,7.1686216300943375,0.9734944309927362,465,17,93,7,14,153,83,118,0.131,0.6890000000000001,0.179,0.3154,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,0,0,13,10,2,0,4,0,10,1,1,3,1,19,22,10,1,1,3,0,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,6,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,5,14,4,6,20,2,13,1,2,0,0,10,5,2,1,10,58,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20830903223943972,0.0,0.0,0.1663591496268351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599599538795809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609266502119244,0.0,0.22850793647475434,0.1341602318756992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42073889001716736,0.29722911948606323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086855429865414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839576254439678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21712618380888624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432622142330168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032630088805701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15821393883045734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21388644512776694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553079129547909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21353676828240348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166130663759185,0.17391992121193925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19606302435819128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382039225387578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18704129301160155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,212029,2020/04/09,"DAE have trouble with money? Not in a bad way, only sometimes. Every payday, i get anxious about what to do. I feel like i have to spend either all of it, or save it. I feel like o can’t just spend some because then it’s not really a routine or something. I got $400 and i have a lot of things i want to buy, but i know i’m not going to because it won’t be the full 400.",-0.5467941176470603,0.8526064823529431,2.436102941176472,96.52121323529413,84.17647058823529,4.720588235294118,18.86029411764705,5.148860815047168,-0.5341470588235295,281,7,71,1,8,100,57,85,0.046,0.835,0.11900000000000001,0.5147,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,1,18,15,5,0,1,8,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,4,1,5,2,0,0,1,2,8,3,9,12,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,3,48,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974177239232668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198176503857477,0.32097126440915164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22181451054587886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26623226127164284,0.3761571961808671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375465808528544,0.0,0.14962118095193405,0.0,0.21055934228455764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446851202698482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572387377118581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238209037243005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20022705625242948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686561201923176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026764459718436,0.2603786263194706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17490345526463286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528219355450212,0.20896975793940709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,try4gain,2020/04/09,"""Transference"" is behind so much emotional triggering Transference is kind of like some ptsd flash back. You imagine things from the past are happening now. ----- me: in kitchen gf: on couch saying nothing + working me: seething with anger. how can she ignore me like this? why isnt she talking? ----- This kind of thing plays out often in my life. And the feelings of rage are always very intense. What's really happening here is ""transference"". my mom use to be very silent and ignore me. that rage from childhood is still there from the past. but now im getting triggered and ""transference"" projects those intense feelings onto someone else. Transference : - ""Transference describes a situation where the feelings, desires, and expectations of one person are redirected and applied to another person. "" - ""Transference is a theoretical phenomenon characterized by unconscious redirection (projection) of the feelings a person has about their parents, as one example, on to the therapist. It usually concerns feelings from a primary relationship during childhood. At times, this projection can be considered inappropriate.""",7.123826940231936,10.854268757062151,6.643157894736844,64.02693131132918,70.46892655367232,10.505976806422835,39.25929229854297,10.307518312809881,5.721357062146894,898,53,115,30,19,279,114,177,0.06,0.888,0.052000000000000005,-0.5389,1,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,1,1,1,11,10,3,0,10,0,14,2,0,4,0,24,23,9,0,2,1,2,5,2,1,0,1,1,2,3,9,7,1,2,6,1,0,0,1,5,0,2,0,6,10,5,24,21,2,18,0,0,0,0,13,8,0,2,12,87,19,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134282701137296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429422840621126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104820842771094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387697402417417,0.15334044832087967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34463473488632185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122101461381768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24109275935053134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724783693921278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839103767257953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628609174976888,0.13319708701022254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596550833612112,0.0,0.0,0.1002100986706649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080168995982225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18474646997643426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136603960327202,0.0,0.2602636871519376,0.0,0.35708529505571285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15934953435945995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873293972590782,0.0,0.0,0.14635551497741597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840628464596108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322818895644225,0.0,0.0,0.1155025870905988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886447365737788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095679923341904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582767846109845,0.1811284797654949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794886643812043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773578726960016,0.15013604249684334,0.22495478758919946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300663134980586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924180465355552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aschesklave,2020/04/09,"Right now I think my depression is saving me from my BPD. I'm too depressed and apathetic to be able to get upset enough to become unstable. So emotionally suppressed that there isn't much emotion to be unstable in the first place. So it kinda works in my favor in a small way I guess.",4.452368421052633,5.53914436842105,5.907850877192985,78.0870394736842,70.2280701754386,9.208771929824564,28.285087719298247,9.516144504307137,2.5011087719298244,227,8,44,5,4,77,44,57,0.26,0.698,0.042,-0.9201,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,8,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,6,2,8,6,2,9,0,2,0,0,0,6,0,2,2,31,8,1,0.22914933651080074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530774388271494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886055675825455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947319755218813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5155243218343236,0.0,0.23677252009442734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949143085750943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972107053681195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25243382869127784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16845112859602476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394122847036754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956922813295208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146829642191448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18188807729861567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16682344613528888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Still-in-wonderland8,2020/04/09,"I’m stressed and confused and angry This is how I am feeling right now. I have been diagnosed with BPD (last year I think) here’s how it is for me. Extreme mood swings - I get so so so angry and then a moment later it goes away and I’m feeling good. And then I’ll be desolate and sad a moment later. They normally last minutes or hours or a whole day. Never more than that. It feels awful and unpredictable. I just want to be happy. Not fake happy, like the odd feeling mania gives me. This isn’t visible to everyone- like at college I can’t get too angry so I have to go to the loo and cry or shout. Panic attack - I have bad panic attacks a lot where I shake uncontrollably or I cry or I can’t breathe or talk. It’s awful. I hate it. Self harm and suicide - I self harm and have attempted suicide so many times. I also threaten it a lot. When I’m feeling ‘normal’ or whatever I can help but wonder why I did that. But nobody seems to care about me. Like my parents are pretty normal and still married but they just act like nothing is wrong until it benefits them. If they want to explain themselves they just tell me that I’ve misunderstood but then when I attempt suicide they stop me but they don’t get me any help. I’m so confused, I can’t drive - I’ve asked to go to the hospital several times but nobody has taken me Splitting - This is the worst (according to others) I either love you or hate you. I’ll meet people like a slightly rude cashier or something and I’ll just glare at them. They are poisoned in my mind unless the do something super good. I hate it, I’ve never felt neutered about anyone I’ve met. Relationships - I hate so many people that my parents have begun to make jokes about it. Calling it my hate list or whatever. I feel so I’m cared for. And I hate my so called best friend but I have nobody else. She isn’t nice at all to me. She uses the R word about me. I can’t tell her off because she scares me. She told me that she’d killed several animals and that she is a psychopath. I’m not sure I believe her. I also have loads of odd flings with older men for no reason and then I just block them because they make me uncomfortable. Illegal - I’m not going into to detail but I engage in activities to do with shops. I can’t stop myself and I’m not sure that I want to. It feels good and bad. At the same time. I’m so stressed. I just don’t know. Memory loss - I have huge gaps in my memory. I’m not sure why but I think it is associated with the BPD. Also I live in a country similar to the USA but with free healthcare so I can get treatment if my parents take me there. God I really hate myself, I can’t do anything on my own. When I was six I was ‘gifted’ why am I not now. Now I’m just a mess that nobody wants to be around. Also I’m not sure I care about other people. Like I can’t bring myself to care. It all feels selfish like I need them around me but I don’t like them. Also I’m an adult and sometimes one of my parents has to sleep at the end of my bed so that I can sleep with panic attacks. This post is so rambly. Is this a usual way to feel. I don’t know anyone else with BPD. I just don’t know any more. Any advice will be welcom.",-0.09268124702348146,2.0865907744807157,2.2213572920101115,93.9571500531194,88.5845697329377,4.871421767959848,18.410008425834338,6.365700525700222,-0.09229169505806477,2458,68,549,26,81,832,253,674,0.242,0.62,0.13699999999999998,-0.9974,4,0,2,1,0,3,71.0,0,2,13,5,46,66,13,10,21,2,52,6,3,6,8,118,117,70,4,10,40,4,10,8,1,1,2,1,1,4,29,28,0,3,19,2,2,7,24,34,0,2,8,11,98,32,55,103,12,59,0,2,0,1,48,18,0,18,40,362,127,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05183914455572018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21211745887886305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822599301502042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741865830845878,0.05435525864525147,0.04365503912445864,0.09445021644357147,0.04959391769126522,0.1810536506941081,0.04984154686325594,0.0,0.0885878694642808,0.0646767000360647,0.0,0.0,0.05976837474178285,0.055671948744461464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004411414004586,0.0,0.10833849669777693,0.0,0.21634911483861047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654429089690142,0.034212398334454934,0.0,0.0,0.0538439047120042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863173621601636,0.0,0.04698591813105252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0506908624792482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414097991061231,0.0,0.05093563011028136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04098574380102773,0.0,0.11086424159723296,0.05088970534915791,0.09044738871515703,0.13348566290458022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294389460969533,0.0,0.36662628313122814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111563119959577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052242856961741496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058691170803049565,0.0,0.0874634943467678,0.08648449070468538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20733759711819733,0.0,0.046843488053636084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020120526131904,0.04787904833007655,0.0,0.07082161555011407,0.10756729138877076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05356465232941197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03933537053532688,0.08182975356989654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593109925796422,0.050902216977890026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03594756651664166,0.0,0.0,0.1867257075190052,0.2356197995098172,0.0,0.0,0.110333078162934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05080654813158149,0.05397019151613448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03398472855507741,0.05454349740414507,0.0,0.05695507589832815,0.0,0.045303797106789966,0.0,0.0,0.05311158596250306,0.0,0.0,0.048294074085170065,0.11068394181918287,0.11986117792198075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061751874307665,0.0,0.0,0.0816798583177021,0.05246709652113898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04236522525812764,0.08870315054781389,0.12153554695491445,0.0,0.0,0.17408191330264444,0.0,0.19999328248672704,0.0,0.039886458118378286,0.04263900352770588,0.09273482169613753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679836759417497,0.0,0.0,0.09280038911250099,0.0,0.0,0.0506908624792482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045817547093624976,0.0584262895511784,0.0,0.1251593643057639,0.04210805093638383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360617757944266,0.05922762903059861,0.0,0.0,0.05752968356974841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058001062224213626,0.0,0.03416199842087519 bpd,kobresia9,2020/04/09,"I just had the worst meltdown of my life and it actually helped me a lot Hi guys Obligatory “English isn’t my first language” So I have been struggling with BPD my whole life. If you read my post history on this sub you can find a post about my first self harm. Recently I’ve been diagnosed with AvPD in addition to my beloved BPD and I’ve been struggling with panic disorder and possible GAD for the last 8 years (I’m 24F). I’ve just started taking Cipralex three days ago in hope that it would help me with panic attacks, dissociation, insomnia and anxiety in general. Unpleasant adverse effects are of course can be expected in the first couple of weeks and till today they were mild and tolerable. Today I woke up, took my 5mg and went back to sleep. In a couple of hours I suddenly woke up cause my heart was racing like crazy, I had paresthesia all over my body and when I tried to stand up I started hallucinating and almost passed out. Took a little dose of Xanax, it helped... a lot. So I decided to vent to my boyfriend on the phone. We discussed his previous girlfriend who also has BPD and she treated my sweet man like total shit. That moment I felt like I was ripped in half. I can not describe enough how I love my boyfriend and the thought of someone treating him like garbage made me sick and furious. At the same time... I never met his ex, but I do know that every time she did something horrible to him she must have felt tremendous devouring pain too. This was too much for me so I hung up and started crying. I cried like I’ve never cried in my entire life. I screamed and started trashing my room, threw cups and plates that were in my room. I’ve never felt worse in my life. My mom came running, hugged me and started crying too. And I could just wail “when will it end? when will it end?” Than my father came and I told him that it feels like my whole life there were a child in me and an abusive parent that suppressed child’s feelings and emotions. And finally I cried out all my anger, my sorrow, my pain, my anxiety and panic. He started crying too. He said that he suspects he is just like me and my confession hit him so hard he too could no longer hold himself back. The thing is... after we all calmed down and had heart-to-heart conversation, I lied down closed my eyes and thought to myself: “Not once during the meltdown I had an urge to kill myself or cut myself. Maybe this was my point of no return and I can only move forward from now on”. My question is... how do I make things right? I will go to sleep and the next day I’m afraid nothing will change. How do I catch this feeling? This urge to change? If you’ve read through my whole post I really appreciate it even if don’t leave any comments. You have no idea how I love all of you guys just for being there and living your lives. Thank you.",4.122376106194693,5.1868390407079685,4.559103982300886,87.53423119469028,70.98230088495575,7.703097345132744,27.04535398230089,7.993328176185818,1.4586292035398234,2218,73,466,29,40,701,269,565,0.191,0.726,0.083,-0.9967,1,0,1,0,0,2,62.0,2,6,1,4,29,35,6,6,17,0,42,21,6,8,9,96,79,46,1,9,12,4,7,7,1,6,12,2,2,6,22,40,0,2,16,2,0,12,10,19,0,5,32,11,85,16,54,36,14,84,1,1,1,3,51,30,1,9,47,308,107,2,0.0,0.06907003724785041,0.05688750649379566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05167499622832018,0.0,0.058374017339634425,0.0,0.0,0.04661848687272183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0396425959884434,0.0,0.08919102405686415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631897316666932,0.0,0.08965050647137404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475259838000601,0.22026151851241585,0.0,0.0,0.13334788986974544,0.0,0.059885018516154076,0.12333675128359155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930876208650304,0.12900460755512216,0.3842058916779671,0.07519089899855705,0.0,0.0,0.059168193374081086,0.0,0.0,0.06681111533152874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557402369171461,0.103264126355868,0.060234313628402016,0.0,0.03850329476162186,0.0,0.04911604798581897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842710394246149,0.04164595646236869,0.16791701278625276,0.06385931817827542,0.053280569821568174,0.14875708028144202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03313038937463972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154424214234311,0.0,0.0,0.05222086570067742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20723955118657286,0.11722172011605846,0.0,0.0,0.05790008404460306,0.05740882797524216,0.0,0.0,0.06580795427452442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449477544394827,0.0,0.032037405003483815,0.047518201895310426,0.0,0.061725983145024435,0.0,0.0,0.2058773966921492,0.19935993159152907,0.05842690017689279,0.10295109815303104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991206411203503,0.10522701892863877,0.0551601342949023,0.038912362191664704,0.0,0.05856515840086995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682743942219529,0.0,0.06195835464598485,0.042853529230776816,0.0,0.13488208300105714,0.0,0.0619973891001401,0.0,0.0,0.055935620446296665,0.0,0.0,0.06208226770830803,0.0,0.04433597098202245,0.12405997071678215,0.2051898507266593,0.06472969380065674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05510761339397231,0.06571884848842592,0.16749147450939447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530373644237428,0.0,0.11662154198935365,0.0,0.03734526687222548,0.0,0.05755927533605661,0.0,0.0,0.049783607673554775,0.05545189017913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06081439401536288,0.0,0.059838975201222624,0.0,0.0,0.11667419097917535,0.0,0.049393160547463615,0.04487833560324876,0.0,0.0,0.2475689873196165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188517307990103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04383058174510962,0.0,0.0,0.05367019971448054,0.0,0.0,0.07745720945417069,0.0,0.0,0.09255942969069976,0.06798456139176548,0.0,0.11051367903586903,0.05570336641655997,0.12953576999417807,0.03957847538832058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046760729123050855,0.0,0.0,0.05404004489905927,0.0,0.19525284206159246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594075807370601,0.0414110922671823,0.0,0.0,0.037540065851887565 bpd,ohoopsuhm,2020/04/09,"You wouldn’t say that if you understood what it was like to have BPD “You’re an absolute psychopath. Figure it out yourself, I’m done helping you.” I was violent this morning. Split and dissociated bad due to being misunderstood. Pushing shoving type stuff, I’ve been a lot better with aggression. It’s really hard though, to have a mental illness that can manifest that kind of behavior. I am not a violent person, cannot watch videos with real life violence it makes me sick. But when my words fail and I’m not believed in, not taken seriously, when you don’t stop doing what you’re doing that is hurting me... its like an instant split. I’m thrown from my body I’m not in charge I don’t make the movements of the thoughts. A self defense mechanism kicks in, if you won’t stop by my words my body will force you. So much shame in it. That was me who did that, and yet it wasn’t. Violence is such a serious thing, especially in a relationship. How am I to on one hand allow myself the patience and understanding that I am not innately evil, I am very sick and seeking help as I know I need, and yet on the other hand I am repulsed, in need of punishment.",3.8778838808250566,5.133918718614723,5.289498344792463,81.34164247517191,71.77056277056278,8.898497580850524,28.7397504456328,9.325443323948027,2.432753806977337,908,35,184,20,17,305,130,231,0.221,0.6709999999999999,0.10800000000000001,-0.9836,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,6,0,2,9,16,6,1,12,0,26,8,4,4,0,36,39,15,0,5,8,0,3,2,0,3,4,1,0,2,21,9,0,3,5,1,0,2,11,12,0,1,10,5,23,4,21,25,2,18,0,2,1,0,13,9,0,3,9,128,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750414107287662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18554231142231897,0.0,0.14564948791213658,0.0,0.3658532778278033,0.20741355184489105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168528761900271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14752438794407932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22076823484052105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629747412840474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149289399167694,0.09050594050941256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632107791018773,0.16091242726718466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000832538586902,0.0,0.0,0.21985550560144013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596259298738333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106158307008022,0.2442219853328481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159404300887801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379559107631154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18744628223343646,0.10550069524913867,0.0,0.0,0.17680883033986594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130963212371605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180117822501184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753661556665643,0.0,0.0,0.18852361507494989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940863640675584,0.0,0.16180105256517954,0.13074058645293954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714417021862732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588142844885906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,zhdlfrufghs,2020/04/09,"DEAR CORONAVIRUS, I JUST GOT MY LIFE BACK TOGETHER I was doing so good. After practically self isolating myself for the first 3 years of university, I finally decided to approach more people, make new friends and I finally felt okay for the first time in 3 years. I was regularly seeing my therapist, I was attending all my classes and I got really good grades last semester. I volunteered and applied for a new position and then this happens. IT WAS 3 MONTHS. 3 MONTHS OF SORTING MYSELF OUT AND ACTUALLY LIVING AND THEN WE'RE HERE?!?!!?!!!?!!!! I've been so, so lonely and constantly being around my mum (who is a narcissist) is driving me completely mad. My therapist is so damn popular that she's been unavailable for a month and I just can't work from home. I missed out on a 30% assessment for one of my courses and I'm stuck in the deepest fucking hole, trying so desperately to get out but I can't. Everyday is a fucking mess, I'm a mess and everything's a mess and I constantly have anxiety attacks. It's almost as if the universe is trying to tell me that I'm undeserving of happiness or peace. I'm fucking done with you, life.",2.405382262996941,5.0276924357798185,4.678188073394498,77.70073776758413,81.06422018348623,9.137920489296636,28.80810397553517,9.516144504307137,3.4198801223241584,893,43,163,30,24,309,123,218,0.158,0.743,0.099,-0.9173,0,2,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,1,0,3,10,18,6,0,11,1,17,5,0,1,1,27,33,22,0,1,5,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,6,16,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,11,0,3,11,2,24,7,23,21,2,30,0,2,1,3,7,7,4,4,20,111,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.12079075518201915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239471031874412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469083648851127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018983228856466,0.0,0.14081683915205045,0.0,0.09517865210271437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978025583507238,0.2675229302728343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12666921358543495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124486617788122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188475527256724,0.27118837662550754,0.0,0.2105732426835212,0.0,0.0,0.09563159102669708,0.34329594399970165,0.06466958281507186,0.0,0.0,0.20764043199655632,0.1979952498844784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094576386721994,0.13176538152768527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416074439185465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008966615974317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17485798027772606,0.0,0.0,0.10929940209349004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262365332465492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963984027760344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23909366575326746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387606666877821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581299112863508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929619816368888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863608757680932,0.0,0.12912881987284336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818857631853347,0.0,0.0,0.2874346479225111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721767134592664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16807605837424433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011281487016534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941964003385428 bpd,Adari28,2020/04/09,"DAE get depressed/stressed over the fact that they have BPD? I got my diagnosis last year around November, and it cleared up so much confusion and turmoil in my actions and life that I first thought that I have a chance of quickly getting this under control. That lasted for about two days. After my initial high of being given something to blame for my emotional control issues and serious lack of identity on, I started dreading the fact that I am mentally sick, or atleast so different that others might view me as crazy. I only told my partner and mother about it; mom didn't accept it, as I was the golden child of the family, and my partner keeps joking around with the idea that I simply made it up to blame my constant whining and anger on. Every other day when I happen to split or have emotional flare-ups I become terrified, and a little while after, depressed, which makes trying to regulate these things a step away from impossible. Does anyone know how to make peace with something like this? How to accept myself the way I am?",8.391846153846151,7.739110774358977,7.929871794871794,72.94096153846156,61.769230769230774,10.466666666666667,36.42307692307692,9.642632912329526,3.4890923076923075,831,33,142,13,10,263,125,195,0.19,0.741,0.069,-0.9764,1,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,3,10,11,1,3,9,0,9,2,0,7,3,33,22,18,0,1,2,2,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,3,18,12,0,3,5,1,0,2,1,7,0,2,7,1,21,4,31,13,2,28,0,2,1,0,7,12,0,4,14,109,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639508398957636,0.0,0.0,0.2454496802078273,0.0,0.0,0.12952423191066445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225580201035754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363014404040572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897794179359708,0.3092439593666295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778168975473282,0.0,0.1187388211899541,0.0,0.0,0.14403460690775613,0.0,0.0,0.1206424235100423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310148425084782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615319658289534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996236336832645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726384822340655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405256902074692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025942629521883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190935338769635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565691075584195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562742857027062,0.0,0.14389027151115252,0.0,0.12253651404554215,0.0,0.0,0.0757643815815537,0.2247489882575768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737476328251132,0.06735154881583204,0.13817217590338815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044669074646567,0.18404555905875136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893069507467862,0.14624792690283156,0.0,0.16146024484564114,0.0,0.0,0.10134313751078716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048489234039201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21226309328235693,0.0,0.0,0.09757818619101948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791843712602466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158821653454713,0.0,0.0,0.10944563002675453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173136551173312,0.0,0.0935980523831682,0.0,0.13466942088714606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942704025125362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877747350291881 bpd,ButterfliesOnMyFace,2020/04/09,"I wanna Cut People Out of my Life Almost everyday I think about cutting people **a lot** out of people my life, who **annoy** me. I **ghost** on so many people, they should call me Snapchat and it's usually for long periods of time, sometimes a whole pregnancy term if we're talking time. I'm extremely bad at confrontation, so I don't got the gall to do it, like back then when I easily cut people out in 1, 2 , 3. I also think talking to these people about why I have a problem with them is a waste of time, because I still don't like them in the end. Another reason, I have not cut certain people out of my life yet, because unfortunately I have some emotional bond to them, like my best friend who has been a thorn in my side lately and I wanna block her immediately and just move on like back then. So many people I don't like, like this one ""friend"", I call her the ""princess"" cuz she is a spoiled \*\*\*\*\*, but unfortunately she goes to my school so seeing her after I block her will make me have a panic attack. But one thing that is a bit funny was when she said something like, ""oh, I have a tendency of ghosting people every now and then,"" which caused me to chuckle inside, because *she's never met someone like me!* I wish she got the hint for me ghosting her for so long, so she can just move on and find a different friend, but I am starting to realize no one really likes her either... The therapist at the hospital once said, that my problem is with people. It's true.",0.525040896159318,2.946879260135137,2.5965433854907545,90.32057610241822,89.16891891891892,5.548221906116644,19.61379800853485,7.0608816371341465,0.5305418918918918,1135,35,236,18,38,380,145,296,0.129,0.7190000000000001,0.152,0.8518,1,0,1,0,0,0,63.0,0,0,4,1,18,27,7,1,16,0,20,3,0,4,3,41,32,22,3,7,8,0,0,9,3,2,3,2,0,0,11,11,0,2,5,0,0,2,6,11,0,3,7,3,46,16,34,23,7,39,0,0,1,0,28,13,0,4,33,167,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137734115107391,0.0,0.0,0.06498933400652776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521572341860226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245314868039138,0.0,0.12497888927260965,0.06785470026808015,0.14861915480579033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528489099556699,0.0,0.08872271189174223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596575276903178,0.0,0.0,0.08348377932040353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849069056373674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141463856362164,0.07197859957313073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847110367065133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742767296940766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18836046364142944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999357453134808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916729181143123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17220423650235886,0.3573273500269891,0.0,0.0,0.14383779288304002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909044978550062,0.0,0.0,0.05424647330063441,0.16478432905031676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274830114397985,0.0,0.0,0.06267825871729547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654689378901194,0.16520623192120676,0.0,0.0,0.09534952503593816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5634042970498874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555234306302566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052061836089796615,0.08355619545457861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546073952157156,0.0,0.0,0.08224672420217606,0.06475942028597985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885741738510752,0.06256344505859962,0.08037531842469216,0.0,0.05752132786041029,0.0,0.06490007444730429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306389609141091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435745895269557,0.05399030292611441,0.10414545427147254,0.0,0.0,0.14216263752745362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895043167703629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333098910889269,0.09073190358372364,0.09345324565437096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwmeaway10155,2020/04/09,"my bf lied about not knowing when his release date is the past 6+ months my boyfriend has been in jail. every time i asked about his release date, he'd tell me he doesn't want to know because then he'll be counting down the days and it'll feel longer. fair enough, but when the topic came up i'd still tell him i wish he'd find out so i could take the day off of work in advance instead of him calling me and me having to leave work at a moment's notice to pick him up from the jail. we always talked about everything we wanted to do together on his first day out. he just found out when he's released from jail he's going straight to inpatient rehab. we decided i'd put enough money on commissary so that when they put his unused funds on a card when he leaves, he'll ask the rehab's transport to stop at the store for him to buy clothes, then buy a phone to sneak into the rehab. so he needed to 'find out' and tell me his release date. this motherfucker said april 24th. i remember about a month ago he was fucking with me and saying maybe he knows, maybe he doesn't. then laugh and say he was joking and he really doesn't know. but he said he thought it'd be on a friday. he gave an estimate of the days left and it wasn't like 20-30 it was real specific so i looked at that number of days away on the calendar and it was friday, april 24th. i remember thinking that was suspect, why did he know that exact number of days away was a friday. and now he's admitting that's his release date but denying he knew this entire time. i feel like i'm losing my mind. i'm doing mental gymnastics and i can't really tell if i'm reading into things too deep or overreacting. i just think he must've had plans for his first day out that he didn't want me to know about, why else lie about that? i'm so disappointed because prior to this, i would swear up and down that he would never lie to me. we aren't perfect but he's always been honest. i can't say that for sure anymore. but i'm the bad guy for calling him a liar. when i talk to him about this he'll ask then why am i with him if i don't trust him. he says i don't love him. i spend a quarter of my paycheck on talking to him. i look for anything i can do to brighten his day. but i'm worthless no matter how hard i try to love and be loved.",2.9299083115027433,3.5040650748987865,4.217361276494405,90.70465110740652,73.35222672064778,7.188282924505835,23.84115265539414,7.1686216300943375,0.6742569183138833,1793,46,416,17,34,592,209,494,0.15,0.79,0.061,-0.9932,1,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,4,0,1,8,25,17,2,0,20,0,38,7,0,2,4,76,81,37,0,10,12,0,3,2,1,6,3,6,0,1,19,26,0,1,20,2,6,6,13,6,0,3,19,11,55,11,64,49,2,73,0,3,2,4,76,29,1,3,40,243,74,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662645909068715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440203265603247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741355233326514,0.0,0.0,0.061515875761814574,0.0,0.20965368537683296,0.0,0.14046700981646332,0.0,0.062416166395270915,0.09113824941857826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526636474676358,0.08549824881913183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05968469826161915,0.0,0.0,0.3856793053293849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062447073499055025,0.0,0.0,0.15448098471093027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629831652500222,0.0,0.06718375090488292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559537230135688,0.05340401488780045,0.0,0.0,0.13664694417824788,0.12717081488562226,0.0,0.08196350711576332,0.0,0.06910853501456048,0.0,0.0,0.042484215940642917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401785570648889,0.0,0.0,0.06696457774604768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24649587125970354,0.0,0.0,0.15830662099546916,0.0812200478794806,0.0,0.0,0.0730417044680312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554845973691653,0.08363020119173505,0.0,0.0,0.20240423426971987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020015659731886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533408622072732,0.0,0.07547986587589067,0.0,0.1193352834749785,0.0,0.0,0.05542887637776494,0.05765461508205761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510751386324591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713608073097461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029610928005413,0.0,0.0,0.07477386874600138,0.08508600723418433,0.09577819108730712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936260206390427,0.0,0.1422156588651681,0.2377883776085841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05969835294776149,0.06249738974261565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045442041396607,0.0,0.0562054335856561,0.18025243107490552,0.26135190276613296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04966299634150288,0.09579822735105607,0.0,0.05934603958099732,0.08717889651512946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0507528141605827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227489986512309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023605969844753,0.0,0.08596299604738321,0.0,0.0,0.10884307951603717,0.0,0.0,0.1062056812144541,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TzeHuen,2020/04/09,"DAE gets annoyed or anxious when your FP got a boyfriend/girlfriend It feels like you are being robbed of something, and you secretly want them to break up so badly. This sounds so wrong but I just can't stop to think like that.",3.244333333333333,5.34994626666667,2.695277777777779,95.77625000000003,75.22222222222223,5.388888888888888,24.583333333333336,5.985473137389443,0.4040000000000004,182,6,38,1,4,53,41,45,0.16699999999999998,0.6629999999999999,0.17,0.0492,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,1,0,4,5,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,8,6,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,5,2,4,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,4,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4031537042865028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979657663019216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804406961972556,0.2549430562407681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864462307467521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854160057927481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486905508740825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27473063436613804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983535148345681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286634526883237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104870910698738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901737575691805,0.0,0.0 bpd,asha47,2020/04/09,"I try to save myself. I like guns, I like to shoot guns but only when someone is with me. I wouldn’t be able to do anything to myself with someone around, no one deserves to see a suicide in front of them. One of my family members always ask if I’d like to finally go & personalize/buy my own gun & I always decline. I am scared of using it on myself when I have my breakdowns & mood changes..I often get really sad & my bpd just kinds pushes it forward to remind me of why I’m not liked or if I’m annoying, etc..I have been wanting to start medication for it but havent asked yet.",3.602857142857143,3.740095753968258,5.536626984126986,83.42017857142856,71.61904761904762,8.204761904761906,27.654761904761905,8.07648339933343,1.6286380952380957,459,15,100,6,8,160,81,126,0.213,0.722,0.065,-0.9719,0,0,0,4,0,1,21.0,0,0,1,0,7,10,1,1,1,0,9,1,0,1,0,15,19,7,1,4,7,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,3,0,2,1,1,17,6,18,16,1,12,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,4,10,63,20,0,0.14092557753918586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23452273965048165,0.6107712175424939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159697426773503,0.12545364196735048,0.2634927828890837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749083157689055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716927095024308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285209244872995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15437708180636794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362779777551133,0.0,0.08009125334672812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675230279491513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753964750390731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196769324802602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19098963704633096,0.10718025206828594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028053357725173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109108778249962,0.0,0.1122994396026996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388115690563353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974784912220264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541497086810734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567921655124527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171445159874104,0.0,0.0,0.08312155688842357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716341415772628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Leah2614,2020/04/09,“Your feelings are just so annoying because they get in the way of me having a nice day” How do you think it is for me? Do you think I want to get upset about things that are tiny? And why can you just never pretend to care? Always belittling me and making me feel bad for my emotions when I’m trying my hardest.,2.6781538461538474,3.904848200000004,4.003076923076922,89.51692307692308,74.69230769230771,6.430769230769231,23.76923076923077,6.742157984588678,0.674753846153846,243,7,52,2,5,80,50,65,0.174,0.752,0.07400000000000001,-0.8542,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,4,1,0,6,5,1,1,2,0,7,0,0,2,1,12,17,5,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,12,2,7,17,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,39,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404659263543948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412976854361881,0.17616788974302644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29464835858691685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18637704194147012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250790381983912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29224781686345946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30197458248882464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19290555258228115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228897732345977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19199458667712224,0.3703510142277977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19620776625027528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045598398673875,0.2293897638722499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26077188275556984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hapyornot,2020/04/09,"Hypomania? Hi so I've been feeling different and got a thought that it feels like hypomania but I really don't know, so maybe someone here could know better than me. Anyways so I barely sleep, cause I drink with friends like every single day and go to sleep at 3-4 am and then I just wake up by myself at 6-7 am and start cleaning the whole apartment or sowing plants etc. It feels impossible to sit down. And yeah my alcohol and drug cravings are through the roof and I feel like socializing like every waken moment. At home I do like 5 things at a time and I can never do one thing for longer than 30 min, it's just impossible. I feel a lot of happiness that wasn't there before but I've also felt self-conscious about my body, I've felt a lot of anxiety about everything (like normal) but at times it disappears and I get so happy with the situation that I'm in. At the moment I don't have a job but I've been spending the same ridiculous amount as before :) Anyway thank you to anyone that wants to give their opinion",2.0438942307692294,4.166956370192313,3.6698461538461538,87.27515384615386,79.04807692307693,6.66,22.419230769230765,7.734863291789972,1.0067165384615393,807,25,167,13,20,268,126,208,0.038,0.753,0.209,0.9901,2,0,3,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,1,13,12,1,0,10,1,13,7,4,1,1,37,31,21,0,3,7,0,7,6,1,0,2,0,2,0,10,11,2,0,10,1,1,2,4,1,0,1,7,7,16,11,25,23,7,22,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,4,15,108,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727996047948595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952429407280866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110994358223028,0.0,0.0,0.08327636457755944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20268791846971174,0.0,0.0,0.10533284893612743,0.0,0.13229146424967256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223468553281559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509037456291262,0.0,0.0,0.0768086098135621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244324704144954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667108253019305,0.1381163230113785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282618886453254,0.0,0.0,0.200691063177705,0.0,0.10703795485542307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010986264791685,0.17016782950245388,0.2287062661028647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920151219086382,0.0,0.06222399400265559,0.11425002957931008,0.0676863605659754,0.0,0.09525386360227744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25356490495329026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194653974573569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181867764730382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309067226552976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34911274944209963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20250638706764787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196503422673056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185602177968827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166911367785544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070415243421107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629747934326894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424559682585715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387158217784847,0.2383688060546924,0.12140581181523855,0.10091168070810183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842984545657848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964979760554792,0.0,0.0,0.1582473585886218,0.0,0.0,0.09455081950563224,0.13889445980387816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024731709464395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329691009651379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rosetulle,2020/04/09,"Was your diagnosis kept from you? I’m wondering if anyone can relate to my experience or if it is unique. I was 12-13 and had an eating disorder /self hating behaviour leading to several a mental diagnosis. BPD was one of them. Later Age 16-17 get a new doctor and she said I can’t have BPD I’m too young to be have a real diagnosis. Around that time, I’m hospitalized for suicided attempt. No new information is given to me about diagnosis. Age 23 Im trapped in an intense, abusive relationship. When I finally escape I go to the doctor, get medicine and therapy. Never given a diagnosis or anything. Age 27 life gets much better. I have career success and get married. until eventually, BPD and disassociating lost me a good job and unable to work. My doctor explains my condition, treatment and medication but doesn’t tell me the name. I eventually find out what a ‘quiet borderline’ is and it matches me perfectly. In got a copy of my old medical records because the Dr wouldn’t tell me and confirmed it. Sorry for my whole life story I’m just beside myself wondering, why keep this from me? Is this normal?",2.5820440251572343,5.312091575471701,5.276698113207548,72.96444968553459,81.35849056603773,8.250314465408806,27.701257861635213,8.959647251330699,3.0018389937106917,882,40,151,25,24,313,132,212,0.066,0.86,0.07400000000000001,0.5559,1,1,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,2,1,7,5,6,1,0,12,0,16,9,0,1,2,31,36,16,1,4,6,0,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,1,7,11,1,2,5,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,10,2,22,4,18,24,2,19,0,1,0,0,12,4,0,6,13,97,29,8,0.0,0.1330198769981195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850078262130461,0.0,0.09238745320636348,0.0999428144725042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684378678608965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929241170844573,0.0,0.0,0.4241949370144929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866948821261448,0.34473486361958544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487875757909585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982018746608366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298471215204598,0.10261142351237534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346227408850216,0.0,0.06380480589145092,0.09416553569877828,0.08979141774996206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084195304281774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126930260470545,0.0,0.11140921551614873,0.09978944832188448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15859719829836955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255438769922693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22619751176405814,0.11314029556386335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253030422957616,0.0,0.08658842919913227,0.21685933612596667,0.0,0.0,0.10999934505491936,0.0,0.0,0.11780696075485972,0.0,0.07607607703593039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778619201165758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053441057331606,0.0,0.0,0.10679310312910924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712058562543352,0.12683150890045078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256754535054007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280357504258475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19625532749212973,0.0,0.1283888746402755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065464696085604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013049068130155,0.12534383006708946,0.0,0.0,0.24350091331377044,0.08173284368542137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wagls,2020/04/09,"Anyone with ADHD as well as BPD? Hey guys, so I was wondering if there are many of you in here that have dual diagnoses of ADHD and BPD? I am in my thirties and generally have my BPD under control and have pretty good emotional regulation now but I've realised I still have a lot of misplaced anxiety and 'tetchiness' that I can't place as being related to my BPD. I've found some DBT techniques that help but it feels like this is different to the usual BPD guilt/ fear/ anxiety and I am wondering if I may have undiagnosed ADHD also. I have read up about how it may manifest differently in women but was hoping to get some personal insight from you guys. I'm not trying to diagnose myself, I just wanted some personal experiences of how ADHD may manifest in people that also have BPD before I take this question to my doctor. How did you guys realise you also had ADHD? Are you able to tell the difference between BPD related symptoms and those from ADHD? Has any medication helped? Did DBT help with your symptoms of ADHD as well? If anyone has any good reading I'd really appreciate it too, cheers. Thanks heaps!!!",4.867827102803737,6.468124789719633,6.499147196261685,72.28928154205609,69.79439252336448,9.835981308411217,29.73014018691589,10.125756701596842,3.3147579439252333,891,35,153,24,16,306,116,214,0.018000000000000002,0.802,0.18,0.9892,2,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,6,0,1,16,10,0,2,3,0,24,6,0,4,0,36,34,23,0,5,8,0,1,1,0,3,6,0,0,6,10,8,0,1,6,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,6,1,20,8,27,24,4,10,0,0,0,0,18,7,0,14,4,116,30,3,0.06562536807642574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5520825764026278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574417494227757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925500136345993,0.0,0.1004064539078686,0.0,0.0,0.09177356644969288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05584235469628846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5785699763713835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360443053602299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321673438885287,0.0,0.20569362597682472,0.0,0.06717034501116682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381970615291883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419420249958815,0.0,0.07384678402433563,0.03318215792112459,0.04688277606636712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195482882318341,0.0,0.0,0.034286546232752006,0.0,0.0,0.110086890336013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19493829600399828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196190269471728,0.0,0.0,0.06518079797110195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03206123997676005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579234115320657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653382292068184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611065419811538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04549636721975217,0.1146030802317744,0.06856454199227491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676459207942155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351543131663629,0.0,0.13128625446606734,0.0,0.042041291223346836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0524085037175774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641976987211835,0.04934210961564495,0.0,0.057359464253981585,0.0604190218785067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04455531716159602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722770714540163,0.0,0.038707542386133366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801017438115236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233582457620872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dumbretardbitch,2020/04/09,"Paranoid delusions rather than paranoid ideation So typically people with Borderline Personality Disorder experience paranoid ideation, which is more along the lines of maybe thinking that people are talking about you behind your back or thinking that someone is pretending to like you(I’m not really sure tbh feel free to correct me). I was diagnosed with BPD my sophomore year (2 years ago) and I’m now coming to the realization that maybe my paranoid thoughts are more delusions. So for example, I feel invisible people watching me everywhere I go, certain animals give off a “certain vibe” and immediately I know that they’re not actually animals but instead they’re shapeshifters (either sent to protect me, like my cats, or sent to hurt me), i feel as though there’s vampires in the trees at night that watch me and plan to take me if I give them the chance to, and etc but I won’t get into any more of them just to save time. I know it sounds fucking dumb and childish and I’m really embarrassed to be sharing this but even without any evidence that this shit isn’t true my brain keeps telling me it is. Anyways, figuring out that this isn’t normal paranoia like I had always thought everyone experienced is driving me insane and making me feel fucking crazy and I just want to know, does anyone else with BPD experience delusions rather than paranoid ideation? Cause I’m scared it might be psychosis and i guess I’m just looking for some kind of reassurance",6.943520599250935,8.36658157303371,6.502865168539326,74.86006554307117,64.73033707865169,9.528838951310863,37.305243445692895,9.725611199111238,3.79738052434457,1188,60,201,24,18,369,153,267,0.159,0.7190000000000001,0.122,-0.9196,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,2,1,15,19,4,2,5,0,14,5,2,2,5,57,44,19,0,5,15,0,4,3,0,2,1,1,0,1,14,16,0,2,12,1,1,5,6,7,0,0,6,9,28,13,30,34,6,17,0,1,3,2,13,5,4,6,10,128,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.11205712710196487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178951367787524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554742760272282,0.0,0.0,0.15617613395705188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029152758173255,0.11765649709870755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829687586600349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892477276278516,0.1281878121690238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796163243857545,0.0,0.09891553434384033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654962880182056,0.0,0.0,0.13160467216726526,0.0,0.1004881584607683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592539778912587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806535997210056,0.07584386908253819,0.0,0.0,0.10972460554636106,0.0,0.22465076949617685,0.0,0.0,0.2322451878912936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123162332657835,0.05999372758469425,0.2203100350913464,0.06526030901875593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649775251557968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292746381467234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206582628550748,0.0,0.11957735994153275,0.18932203848049045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829982968852072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642794503619144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664965094619898,0.0,0.2307235385466837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181606126262283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775980262872203,0.11250862924585188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388251627223705,0.10026477920987252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712556673631594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496446370513058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787093622228001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729474906829563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822554085443692,0.0,0.08633756992144627,0.09229568435302768,0.10036613339520876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715634458486246,0.11281950086190942,0.18232375466249906,0.06695806431311292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677294743431584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069163854427468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789299759657715 bpd,mrrrrthswrrrrrm,2020/04/09,"spiraling I am newly diagnosed with BPD and don’t know much about it yet. What i do know makes a lot of my life make sense. My therapist also thinks my mom has NPD, which again answers a lot of questions about my childhood and ongoing relationship with her. i’ve had a rough couple of years. Several bad relationships and bad breakups. Drug and alcohol abuse, then i got sober in 2016, so i have 3.5 years now. But it didn’t fix my life, not even close. I made a list tonight of all the friends i’ve lost. There’s 34 of them. Thirty four people who are not my friends anymore who i cared a lot about, most who i still do. The way my brain works seems to be unacceptable to other people. It’s like everyone else is speaking a language i don’t understand when it comes to emotions. I never feel like i should be feeling the way i do. I’m ALWAYS too much for people. Tonight i was lying on the floor in my apartment praying to die and i’d be dead if it didn’t mean my cat would be left alone and not cared for. My life is broken, my brain is broken. I live in a city where i don’t know anyone. Which is fine, bc i don’t want to live near the people i do know. They just leave. this is disjointed. i don’t know what to say. I am having a very fucking hard time. i want to know if it’s ever going to be possible for me to have friendships and relationships. I am 100% alone right now. It hurts so much every single day.",1.3021572871572855,3.167251249158252,2.8895466570466586,93.238446969697,80.2794612794613,6.128379028379028,21.044853294853297,7.1686216300943375,0.4008711880711879,1099,31,251,14,28,361,157,297,0.155,0.752,0.092,-0.9685,0,2,2,0,1,1,34.0,0,0,2,2,18,12,1,0,13,0,33,9,2,3,3,47,58,15,2,6,7,1,4,2,2,2,6,2,0,0,16,11,1,0,15,0,0,2,11,5,0,1,7,6,35,7,27,44,9,31,1,2,0,1,15,11,1,8,18,164,51,1,0.0,0.10962612035764413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888029726251496,0.0,0.19165446239201547,0.0,0.07399161860100645,0.07698759764395803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175920553066076,0.06469511503107206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545077874476172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653106856331323,0.20657535118918965,0.0,0.0,0.18866930231030324,0.0,0.0,0.07970145874009565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237633565898074,0.0,0.05967049441305908,0.0,0.0,0.09391017793860022,0.09602557587957848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072987689870612,0.0,0.07729214814167734,0.10407734091364833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06111140219248647,0.08369349176234248,0.07795568096574015,0.08841089703187907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935660934508027,0.0660993509989011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296803004490444,0.08553718896499662,0.0,0.0,0.052583670109326616,0.0,0.07400010428125715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288356480741581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904913571201693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30509348685499466,0.0,0.0,0.09796983362218988,0.10052788098820896,0.0,0.19605786677980466,0.09040536130726946,0.0,0.16340123629261633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010011613261585,0.2359824556282084,0.0,0.08754869350160903,0.12352132620737614,0.0,0.0,0.10078604533671126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836329697439087,0.0,0.0,0.2040479348380184,0.0,0.07136041451231842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25657869250542675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043072029671184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364834820265566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29800929227144385,0.0,0.07901521389187759,0.0,0.07357900650368311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423061282379732,0.0,0.10452607966295886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388999485976462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742779906448507,0.0,0.0592858108894403,0.0,0.0,0.05395164101947315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632101940484572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634220577301667,0.1091464134659605,0.14688290447114774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735876442854616,0.0,0.0,0.06572658081438806,0.0,0.0,0.11916518193106924 bpd,ethereal-af,2020/04/09,"Feeling high when you're sober Hey, occasionally I have these episodes where I feel like I have a body high when I'm sober. My vision gets blurry and everything feels off. And all my emotion is drained from me and I just feel ridiculously empty. I also can't speak, and have trouble moving when I'm in this state. It ranges in how long it feels, but when I come out of it I cycle through emotions very fast. I've been noticing the amount this happens is a lot more frequent recently and I'm not sure what it is or how to help it. Has anyone felt anything similar? Or know what it could be?",1.4366346153846197,3.778329958333334,2.4650000000000034,93.83076923076923,82.75,5.35897435897436,22.56410256410256,6.67199483983844,0.4789679487179495,465,16,100,5,13,147,81,120,0.094,0.835,0.071,-0.1663,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,9,4,1,0,3,0,11,1,1,2,2,25,24,15,0,1,5,0,6,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,11,7,0,0,7,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,8,10,2,8,20,4,18,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,3,9,64,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340446970146076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253867510769618,0.0,0.1475674790874873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991873322235582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447081225090006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431747553536686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034282845505117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116387247841765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4533552673615647,0.1281083257378451,0.17217811922417195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368882139131912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15857466080769614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019636942622886,0.3789290087356925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855118394723826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760811792987044,0.0,0.0,0.15869513610763458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245392900825755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19059187862190125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20416032636567816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17705974409901826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900972443787732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796018443324524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lil_Green_Leaf,2020/04/09,"I hate myself and I want to die I am not actively suicidal atm. I do self soothe by making plans for the future. Sometimes it's the only way I can get to sleep. My noticeable weight loss and excessive alcohol consumption have recently been flagged as behaviours ""of concern"" by my doctor and therapist. I have a Skype appointment with my Psychiatrist after Easter. The real issue is that I have been struggling with my usual methods of self harm (cutting, scratching, picking and restricting circulation) alot lately. I cut last night and am already thinking of starting again. Usually this type of self harm satisfies me until the skin heals over and/or something specific sets me off. It's like I am constantly being triggered by the fact that I hate myself and I want to die. TL;DR In the wider scheme of things some people have real problems. I am in distress and self harming without knowing why. This is one reason that I hate myself.",5.5593697478991615,7.876052382352942,5.943361344537816,74.07941176470592,69.29411764705883,8.857142857142858,32.73109243697479,9.424239791934726,3.5100504201680667,755,35,117,17,14,242,109,170,0.244,0.684,0.07200000000000001,-0.9876,0,0,3,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,0,2,1,13,5,2,8,0,15,6,2,4,1,26,25,9,3,3,2,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,4,8,9,2,1,3,0,1,0,2,12,0,1,2,3,22,1,22,22,2,18,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,13,86,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880303155443634,0.0,0.0,0.13300074492044914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024315104452067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501688530974726,0.0,0.0,0.12336097017248945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296858541418895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35697618882080506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579528311801114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623659633982877,0.09824278706068436,0.13595582475686613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058881723293346185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045041184946898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310319610435338,0.0,0.0,0.13721687131968835,0.0,0.0,0.08166988309391493,0.09166359800212423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355586082845666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532476938275113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743643933605996,0.0,0.1239182923402499,0.11900247493930492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.502929431095791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061060017693945,0.0,0.0,0.09278492435428244,0.1192008821285544,0.0,0.08530719574804546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599739286352418,0.0,0.13183321233172798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993714193628404,0.08007049752730555,0.07722663040190685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26547934670609513,0.0,0.14217583610601794,0.09566599162407953,0.0,0.146765226239482,0.0,0.0,0.10875376621156947,0.0,0.0,0.11618041046827568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,stehpthenimph,2020/04/09,bpd wow... i must not have been in full realization yet. seeing people talk about BDT and how they cope overwhelms me for some reason . its an emotional night for me here. im tired of getting upset. i wish i could just control reacting. got on here to find coping skills and found hope instead...,1.4146428571428549,4.12182975,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857143,90.78571428571428,4.942857142857143,19.5,6.6274283507984215,0.3839714285714284,230,7,44,3,8,72,49,56,0.121,0.76,0.11900000000000001,-0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,7,4,0,2,1,0,4,1,0,4,1,15,10,3,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,6,2,7,5,2,5,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,2,2,30,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129812834891018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787176496590816,0.1984097125910931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27953283311384325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271275696328016,0.0,0.0,0.27247110839888905,0.0,0.0,0.12983274935118358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875083874041444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24681990854501315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684262729124858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332035699078188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228094079621653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555028429432216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19802500461401884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19973758816512896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856180567670082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857666007536565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Alkalify,2020/04/09,"my boyfriend, his bpd, our struggle My boyfriend suffers from BPD i struggle to cope and handle our relationship when it’s at it’s worse. (i’m not experienced or educated properly on bpd, hence why i’m posting here) Back in November/December time my boyfriend (not at the time) and I experienced his first battle with bpd together (bare in mind we have been talking/flirting for 4 months prior). He pushed me away completely, saying he 'doesn't want romance anymore' and when i asked what the sudden change was it was 'he doesn't have the time' or 'i'm not sexually attractive to him' or 'he doesn't see anything long term' or anything in between. This shocked me and made me lose a lot of confidence, i felt in denial that he could just change so quickly and I lost a lot of sleep trying to figure out where i went wrong, I would always try talking to him on snapchat or through the phone draining the life out of trying to maintain one conversation when all I would get back was 'yh' 'ok' or 'no'. When I felt like I could move on and start anew, when I was no longer dependant on messaging him he started to come back, and worked so hard to win me back over he would meet me more frequently (at least twice a week), call me all night and would be very present in my social life and promised me that he only pushed me away because he was struggling in his own life. However, now I've completely fallen for him again and he no longer finds it necessary to put in the added effort i'm so scared hes going to push me back out again. Recently his sleep schedule has got awful, he wakes up at 2am and goes to sleep at 2pm, so I only find myself messaging him for around 4 hours a day. I feel I need a lot of reassurance from him based on what has happened and when I dont have this I feel lost and unwanted. Especially in this time of quarantine, all I can do is communicate through the phone and when i’m ignored or directed at with anger I question us and feel hopeless at maintaining a lucrative relationship. I feel like im completely back in December and im so scared about having to experience this (together) again. I know he is suffering and I dont know how to handle it or if I can handle it. I’m so scared because I can’t be with him through this, i’m watching our relationship dissolve in front of me, I always remain so scared that he will push me away because i'm falling for him so much. Only a week ago did he finally open up and tell me about BPD, I was slightly hurt because something so crucial was hidden from me, but then again I understand that he is ashamed. I’ve tried to mention and bring it up to him to talk over and understand more, but he says i’m too sensitive and selfish in that i only think about myself I dont know how to approach my boyfriends BPD, do I reassure him, confront him, give him space or leave altogether. I have no firsthand experience with borderline personality and dont know what to do, when I last tried to speak about it (in December) he said I was 'boring him' and would ignore me altogether.",6.072294891640865,5.715899085526317,6.619315015479878,79.45579334365327,66.3684210526316,10.245046439628485,33.671826625387,9.845776108104099,2.9963767801857597,2396,96,495,47,34,785,253,608,0.13,0.8440000000000001,0.025,-0.9926,1,1,1,0,0,1,51.0,5,0,0,7,44,33,3,8,14,2,44,7,4,4,3,90,84,55,0,11,16,0,7,2,0,6,3,4,0,1,21,34,0,2,17,0,0,14,15,24,0,3,18,15,76,9,79,56,12,99,0,7,2,0,65,39,0,15,47,325,97,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04986781562567723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361949637128444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579113306624794,0.0,0.0,0.09258828308028158,0.05008003401474278,0.052592046443572966,0.0,0.15856393703981664,0.2595457331652171,0.0,0.13717327327471213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4251170429148149,0.0,0.0574439721159585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902341212962465,0.048459821163740716,0.1769509806397158,0.0,0.0,0.08983215584225272,0.0,0.0,0.036280659522661095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26372785842882895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005891224566178,0.0,0.0,0.11377950234014267,0.04018951194973109,0.10802974030278632,0.06162602684720541,0.1028344780347304,0.047851580028585916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02939159484893895,0.05396616907508478,0.0319717517083433,0.0,0.04499330220870661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0497472602873364,0.0,0.05039459492301713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055401123516417926,0.0,0.06022353265427401,0.0,0.12153291522640895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236679649693563,0.04585639291600732,0.0,0.059567298915501075,0.0,0.0,0.11920646512727093,0.05496797311426956,0.0,0.0,0.04978505520408858,0.0,0.06293640987882818,0.12282079381148076,0.1434812835084332,0.0,0.05323107126611205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568028261162847,0.0,0.04490324193151436,0.0597915439084829,0.04135485342171676,0.041713333617791996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279272662952613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038120724794234666,0.17114180457783404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049120831240143215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05387798470787824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056553119579111175,0.06301993084213142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554630942445972,0.18119463855361012,0.0,0.0,0.05351262384868196,0.08947453542102933,0.2252894811029412,0.0,0.04482898756022876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889078283577766,0.05734621331166445,0.0,0.043308848162499934,0.0,0.0,0.07963699735775538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764338978893191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043336595413744,0.049170485783569286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0360467655004702,0.0,0.0,0.131214003689432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19097167464605488,0.0,0.0,0.11712958453845285,0.06766940222627539,0.0,0.0,0.0464173391238666,0.033181423281549584,0.0,0.09025082104031487,0.0,0.0,0.05215015369372596,0.050762560628627496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04095525639828418,0.0,0.057329975794747176,0.1998143071857642,0.061507432771532436,0.0,0.0 bpd,bdpbadboy,2020/04/09,"DAE split on their pet? I love my dog lots, but during quarantine he seriously is always looking at me, always needing something, always shedding, always dirty, and I really dont want the responsibility of him at the moment!!! Like I would give him away, but then know I missed him.",5.087500000000002,6.9126181346153865,6.272307692307695,73.24769230769233,69.57692307692308,8.276923076923078,26.461538461538463,8.841846274778883,2.143407692307692,221,7,38,4,4,74,41,52,0.195,0.705,0.10099999999999999,-0.6679999999999999,0,1,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,8,10,4,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,10,2,5,9,1,6,0,1,1,1,7,4,0,1,3,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.75482241916386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21307458949553396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26579359510581063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21755550859145528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124636635676072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079705630464533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19044462151784705,0.0,0.0,0.1928068648811035,0.20468483043588764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681602690314651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528606236594693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745923168159956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337653115188172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16110353567312174,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Hypnomethyon,2020/04/09,"bpd dating so i, 19m, am a bisexual nb person. I have this egregious need to be loved and acknowledged and generally I can just go on grindr or tinder for immediate gratification. I'm highly insecure, I have hella trust issues, and hella abandonment issues. Lately I've been looking for something more serious and... I started talking to the first guy around October. When we began to get serious, I told him that if he didn't like me or wasn't attracted to me, to just rip off the band-aid because I don't want to be strung along. He was sweet, he was intellectual, and I felt insanely attracted to him. He was my first kiss and we kissed in the back of a bookstore and it was so picturesque and amazing. Cut to December, we were talking more and everything was great. Until he told me ""I don't really like you, I never felt the same spark you did. Sorry, but I can't pretend anymore. We can still be friends."" (unrelated sidenote: ""we can still be friends"" hits different when u have bpd 🥴) I tried being friendly with him! Tried to start conversations and send him memes but he'd just send one or two replies then start ignoring me. So I moved on. I started talking to this guy in February and he was a dream. Strong, kind, great with kids, handsome, just loved everything about him. I, of course, was attached instantly. We spent the weekend together in bed, ordering takeout and watching tv, it was absolute bliss. Until Monday came and he told me that he wasn't ready for anything serious, which I took in stride and we still talked. A few days later, he posted on his snapchat story about being in a relationship. I asked him what was up, and he told me that he was in a relationship with this guy, sent me photos of them, and told me I should hang out with them. I cried like a baby. Asked him to retrieve the pullover he left with me and not to contact me again. He pulled up to my house with his new boyfriend, I threw the pullover in his car and ran inside. He sent me a photo of the two of them with the caption ""have a great life"" and I just. Shut down. Recently I started dating again but fuck.. I'm so tired of putting in the effort and the emotion and the energy only to get heartbroken again and again. And it's hard to explain my trust issues to people because I'm neurotic and just really emotionally complicated. I'm talking to this guy who's really sweet, and he wants something serious, but he isn't certain about his sexuality and I just want to be simple and sweet and not so fucking messy, yknow? I don't know why I'm making this, I'm kind of spiraling rn, apologies if this is the wrong tag, please don't feel obligated to respond I'm just so tired of it all",3.172031085906319,5.057228236294897,4.497502205419028,83.75566309598825,74.765595463138,7.878025624868727,27.067464818315482,8.648137234880735,2.01037766015543,2103,81,421,42,45,695,233,529,0.106,0.726,0.16699999999999998,0.9925,1,0,2,0,0,0,75.0,7,2,3,4,28,37,3,1,22,0,40,9,0,1,3,84,86,48,0,7,19,0,4,3,3,1,3,0,1,6,16,46,0,2,6,4,1,14,12,11,0,5,31,9,62,26,60,45,5,67,0,1,2,6,75,20,2,5,34,274,78,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126754692135938,0.0,0.0,0.05913609785408715,0.06397219374861822,0.13436207266688932,0.0,0.0,0.05525725057010599,0.0,0.08761251252823367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181014718874327,0.0,0.0,0.08219069867586537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893675883745789,0.04634488426321904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508023454589292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166959454624513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291694158138595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03633546038618018,0.0,0.1379971003060481,0.0,0.0,0.12225113696468533,0.0,0.0,0.1665606311195932,0.13287006121793707,0.07508959757110778,0.0,0.040840689009251634,0.0,0.0,0.23768350170780775,0.0,0.2846177253466457,0.0,0.0,0.06437401359091195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592588515746433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291881202891803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250149925603983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966591005616975,0.039493338868280464,0.0,0.08106318493015348,0.0,0.07807800246088753,0.0,0.050758079763316005,0.1053240646262254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06034577179051458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971607145446976,0.0,0.04796827664517666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637766840007465,0.0,0.05328457762853312,0.055424212319329216,0.06940452667892262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048695382108898524,0.05465409966434101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04981988973586275,0.06274690892307615,0.0,0.07888262265119382,0.0,0.0,0.06882369280146304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224090785838212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810943297849376,0.0,0.07095480940520457,0.154305253604661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064537315870528,0.0,0.0804433465629969,0.2543205852769972,0.0,0.17216666094371405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887987659141115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651890224065485,0.0,0.3433349120744913,0.07984104922648086,0.09757882326804372,0.0,0.1403969771353891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715776740870316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484405267685234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856954340490764,0.0,0.0 bpd,withthecord,2020/04/09,Any BPDs in Utah? I'm looking for a DBT support group in Utah but unfortunately have no idea where to start. Is there anyone in Utah with BPD who could offer some advice?,2.938137254901964,4.935020852941179,3.753529411764706,88.33754901960786,75.76470588235293,5.7098039215686285,20.15686274509804,6.42735559955562,0.04052156862745093,135,3,28,1,3,43,30,34,0.16899999999999998,0.7809999999999999,0.05,-0.6608,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,6,1,5,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,1,16,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477064046299708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24197204153522064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487999203806139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44814698244983936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840959465537319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016811878239557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988019504679221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518535588167089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4037840571918101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AmberNHobbs,2020/04/10,"My GF has hit me in the past, just did it again. Not sure how to feel about our relationship anymore. Okay so just stay with me. Last November, my Girlfriend and I (3 years) had traveled out of state to see my sister for thanksgiving. While there, we went to a party and had a good time, but about the time we were winding up, my girlfriend got angry and just started hitting me. A lot. Well, about 5 minutes ago, she woke me up from a nap by jabbing me in the ribs 3-4 times. When I asked her why she did it, she broke down crying saying she had went through my phone while sleeping. The reason she banned me? Because a friend of mine had sent me something she thought pertained to her (it didn’t) Her mom has a history of being violent as well, and I’m starting to wonder if I should stay in this relationship for my own safety (I do believe in self defense but I could never put my hands on her, she’s the love of my life)",2.60301754385965,3.9592192315789485,3.6342105263157904,91.56780701754387,75.10526315789474,6.32982456140351,25.298245614035093,6.742157984588678,0.7729719298245614,714,24,158,6,15,230,117,190,0.111,0.765,0.125,-0.008,0,0,1,0,1,0,26.0,3,0,0,0,13,10,2,0,11,1,14,5,3,2,2,27,30,13,0,3,7,2,2,0,4,1,1,1,0,1,4,8,0,2,4,2,0,5,3,3,2,0,14,4,35,7,28,11,2,31,0,1,1,1,28,9,0,3,14,115,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253532251612804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827791676257066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977559974760712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114247228374583,0.0,0.0,0.16845131045059214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937492747067112,0.0,0.16423433472914653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755988749916824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155143047289328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540542240378255,0.11958016898229767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187403334787199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056063054124458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271116313279125,0.1349424084086789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510923112251087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531457298488115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272822758538614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030307320802894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537255054028367,0.0,0.3210446063937969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188996977331088,0.0,0.0,0.11914346457371468,0.0,0.15597592477484767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962218344835276,0.0,0.0,0.11510334044115245,0.0,0.0,0.21165384921314775,0.31872450035954525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091536979946204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869757872611796,0.2615488077743798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688624543947387,0.2772023339039026,0.13491331553723496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16214177864129328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628224669767604 bpd,raisaroq,2020/04/10,"Struggling with jealousy Venting mostly, sorry. I feel like being in quarantine has made it harder for me to cope with irrational feelings and extreme black / white thinking and it just sucks. Advice is sort of welcome, I'm not sure if I'm in a state where I can process it properly, but it's appreciated all the same. I've been in a LDR for six years, I love my partner. She is not my FP, I sometimes have a FP who is not her, but mostly don't because I don't develop that kind of intense feeling for others as much anymore. I do, however, have jealousy and abandonment anxiety that applies across the board. I used to be very, very bad at mitigating these feelings and it hurt the people I was close to, so I started working on it and got help from a therapist. I still struggle with feeling jealous and insecure, but I haven't really spiraled like this in years and it is driving me into really toxic behaviors and habits that I thought I'd been good at handling. Right now my issue is I'm extremely jealous of a close friend of my partner's, someone whom I have not had any prior issues with. I think part of it is this... intense frustration of feeling left out??? She shares an interest with my partner and I, but my partner tends to do things related to this interest with her friend instead of me, and though I used to let it roll off my back and focus on other things when they were together, I'm having a very hard time with it now. A few months prior to all this shit going down, they went to an event related to this thing together, but when my partner told me about the event, she had phrased it as a trip she was planning on doing alone as a treat for herself. So I did not ask her if I could join / tag along, and though I was disappointed (I really, really wanted to go and rarely get the opportunity to go out and do fun things), I worked through it and things were fine. But then I found pictures from the event with her and her friend, and even though I know nothing insidious is happening between them, I've gone off the deep end. I've gone from not really feeling anything about this person to violently hating her and wanting her to go away, I've gone from feeling comfortable and trusting my partner to feeling paranoid and uneasy. I know that like. I'm being a brat? I know I'm not entitled to my partner's time or to fun things, and that I need to get over this and be friendly / normal again, but I'm just. A mess??? I'm cycling between intense anger and sadness, I genuinely feel like I'm grieving and I don't know why or what I'm even sad over!! I don't have anything to be sad about, I didn't ask to go with her, I don't get to be sad about it and she had fun so I should be happy for her. But I'm not. I'm bitter and sad and her like. Offer to take me to another event or do something else I like with me feels like she's placating a child and like she doesn't actually want to be around me. I'm frustrated with myself, I want to be calm and normal, but being stuck inside all the time and unable to do anything I normally do to deal with feeling bad has taken a toll on me. I just want to go back to that kind of blissful place where I was able to feel things but not intensely, where I could be angry and do something productive to deal with it or sad and not like. Sobbing all day / night until I can't breathe. I'm trying really hard to be better, I thought I was doing well, and then all this happened. I don't know, I'm sorry for venting here, I'm sorry it doesn't really make sense. It just sucks and I want to feel normal again.",4.49956343061346,4.79904471095891,5.583513996426443,83.29698034544373,69.6986301369863,8.649195949970219,29.9791542584872,8.587818076936951,2.1056926742108404,2789,103,584,42,46,927,271,730,0.18100000000000002,0.6459999999999999,0.17300000000000001,-0.8454,1,2,2,0,0,0,80.0,0,0,3,5,32,62,11,3,23,0,64,3,2,4,6,137,143,64,1,16,30,0,16,9,11,1,0,0,0,9,43,54,0,1,24,0,0,12,21,28,1,1,26,19,83,34,96,101,11,71,0,11,2,1,46,30,4,9,37,410,126,2,0.057661407933985026,0.0,0.05626921638547733,0.0,0.0,0.05634606048503332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059719828848843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03921173468904038,0.060463013809557785,0.04411081924328464,0.0,0.05718462258800151,0.0,0.0,0.14235127697791947,0.05133087798964002,0.10781126540073063,0.0,0.05417479085145808,0.08867612694987008,0.09628973421251813,0.035149859082718324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05099682951299645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207588456764122,0.0,0.0,0.03718683790816018,0.11889275935202526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04816870737858375,0.0,0.05107089261689938,0.0,0.0,0.07616963224541429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40817476536029823,0.12357996404799895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322275758913529,0.17819624293796024,0.0,0.09037711727597952,0.0,0.19662184161930596,0.04836365324805693,0.046117095394668184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019795852125978,0.061381640955250824,0.10330659130819324,0.056928702656653576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03864922628783605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617277297749359,0.0,0.0,0.12036705795796936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009096637345852,0.1584460091221273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264928843527734,0.058962696292411715,0.0,0.2535340619369573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052041671912092524,0.05456061838165397,0.03848943754410557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0460247856909865,0.0,0.04238776943810934,0.04275520335800291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05411132525514807,0.2259837483967505,0.05532767604943044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062441685729322426,0.0,0.03997516001308187,0.05034771730377067,0.060243898685935375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585756209907156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04924252731904289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591886066275384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04885632382412425,0.08878113781818474,0.05702860684509434,0.19364167611929256,0.0408130413173125,0.0,0.046048474860357534,0.0,0.0,0.12056044641299765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434519458304805,0.0,0.0433542027155982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694933886398488,0.26815374091911753,0.0738942038769821,0.1699561215965445,0.09155343411563288,0.10086849200119803,0.0,0.0,0.055097946306273585,0.0,0.0391483109929522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996018858697924,0.0,0.14273010101008685,0.20406115413017706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051844530589358534,0.05345270283973011,0.05203045200214338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395638343999022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426411241193387 bpd,mountainoverfire,2020/04/10,"DAE love to be dominated in the bedroom? I found a respectful domme, which has been the best medicine for me. Look for it if you desire it. It's out there. I'm also much better at handling interpersonal stress. Cheers",1.3585714285714303,4.0518315238095255,2.873333333333335,86.93000000000004,90.90476190476193,5.6571428571428575,21.285714285714285,7.1686216300943375,0.883257142857143,172,6,34,3,6,56,37,42,0.052000000000000005,0.575,0.373,0.9538,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,2,2,6,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,7,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,5,6,4,2,3,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,1,0,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001738026437756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3939152543958652,0.3319738089432567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115608724933105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152063366233095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33877541434276365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759314531385053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4299715294378713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MeditativeMindz,2020/04/10,"It's 7 minutes passed midnight right now, yesterday was my 20th birthday and 1 out of 2 friends messaged me so it's the end of the world. Something small seems like the end of the world. Being in lockdown, not being able to see people's reactions and gauge their level of interest in me as a person is killing me. My mind is constantly wondering if people are thinking of me. If I am a part of their lives now. If they ever message me or I message them, a lack of emoji means they're bored or not interested. 1 - 3 word long answers means I am boring and they hate talking to me. Yesterday (7 minutes ago), was my birthday. I have 2 best friends who I feel like are my wingmen in life. There for me, I'm there for them. One of them wished me happy birthday twice. The other, not a sound. And I work with this person too so we have daily phone calls about work related things. They knew it was my birthday. For 17 years we have known each other and every year we wish each other happy birthday and celebrate. Obviously we can't celebrate in person given the global climate but I thought a message would have been nice. Clearly they don't think about me at all. Fuck this illness. It just makes me so overly conscious of every single thing. It has destroyed whatever I had in me... Sorry, needed to vent xoxo",2.0234754521963842,4.417145662790702,3.3211627906976773,88.27099483204138,80.74418604651162,5.682687338501292,24.671834625323,6.937597516519254,1.0737354005167965,1023,39,198,12,27,332,143,258,0.09699999999999999,0.769,0.134,0.8395,0,1,1,0,0,0,32.0,4,0,9,3,12,16,4,0,11,0,21,3,0,1,4,48,39,16,1,8,10,0,1,2,2,1,2,1,0,3,13,14,0,0,12,0,0,1,5,6,0,2,8,3,37,10,27,28,7,27,0,0,1,1,26,14,1,7,14,143,50,2,0.12669532672574518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123077627837888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295892891817265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937009397371274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369126388511228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22442890862746007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460317646777965,0.21349255418215085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406096396116584,0.09051116672779563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957689902939285,0.11712778801665512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697390623791667,0.0,0.12508540532716494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016960754770294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948865609234125,0.12379387402010812,0.0,0.11187429466482056,0.11212137728285904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845701143947701,0.0,0.0,0.27601670562417163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279261632152124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394297941648423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585203229019239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719869247452252,0.0,0.17566917424457446,0.33187641729107353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819711677228212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095977210117106,0.11533866710742538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753625228711058,0.0,0.1418250455702968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018329044884739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834149086025055,0.16236249926556473,0.0,0.1005819374149164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913867462591444,0.0,0.13739567737326808,0.18447141358080224,0.0,0.0,0.09000072503946238,0.0,0.0,0.16317527308385252 bpd,sourtax,2020/04/10,"When were you diagnosed/what was the process like? I’m meeting (virtually) with a psychiatrist next week; my therapist thinks I might have BPD. All the symptoms resonate with me/seem accurate, but—for obvious reasons—I’m not big on self-diagnosing. The symptoms, though—the self-harm, the suicidal thoughts, the constant boredom, the chaotic relationships, the intense fear of abandonment—they all ring true. My sister has BP1, so I’m familiar with bipolar disorder, but I didn’t know much about borderline personality disorder until recently. So, for now, I’m curious: how were you diagnosed? Did you or anyone suspect you might have BPD before you received a formal diagnosis? What did that process look like for you? Thanks.",5.559795285359801,8.83692337903226,5.830000000000003,70.25346153846156,73.2741935483871,9.944416873449132,36.95781637717121,10.035473477838034,4.9203952853598025,585,34,88,19,13,186,84,124,0.139,0.7440000000000001,0.11599999999999999,-0.4423,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,6,0,0,6,5,0,1,9,0,11,4,0,1,4,17,19,7,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,2,4,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,7,2,10,4,9,10,3,10,0,0,1,0,11,2,0,3,9,52,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316578557090204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554857816339834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37165152967042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944201469376312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29950691873677754,0.0,0.0,0.33819506983762826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660273601752527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108600169900552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441645186751148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389930793781262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313040492161986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846138579692373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569140945517032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882921802365768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456813214798604,0.15840640997312813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343179826933148,0.3078399174912873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16138854756774307,0.0,0.0,0.3067082008624688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583815245838735,0.0,0.17130927547339064,0.0,0.09453986210055428,0.14496065506149378,0.11713298989638712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835042696829312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,user1039289,2020/04/10,"Looking for advice CW: eating disorders, self-harm, suicidal tendencies Throwaway account. My post will be vague for privacy but I’ll gladly answer questions and add more information in the comments if it’s necessary. Sorry for any mistakes, I’m typing this on my phone. First off, let me please say that I have not been diagnosed with BPD! A close family member of mine was diagnosed with it and while I do have the symptoms I am not diagnosing myself, that’s actually what I came to ask about. I am aware that this is a serious diagnosis that many people won’t diagnose anyway. I’m not set on the fact that this is a possibility because I am not a professional, the things listed in this post are just things that I and other people have observed. With COVID-19 ruining all plans, I cannot see a therapist until things calm down. A lot of therapists are having online sessions but I do not have insurance nor do I have the money to pay for it out of pocket so it will be a long process. I have made arrangements for when society is functioning normally. When that happens, I will be able to seek help from a mental health professional but not until then. For some background, I was severely neglected and emotionally abused (sometimes it escalated to physical abuse but not as often) as a child. The parent at the root of all of this has lied to me about most things throughout my life. I went my whole childhood believing that the other parent hated me because that’s what I was told by the abusive one. CPS was involved in my life for years straight, picking up one case after another but dropping them every time. I began dissociating as a child but learned the term years later. I’m so scared to be abandoned and I beg my partners to reassure me 24/7 yet I push everyone away to the point that I only have a few friends left. Just recently, I went from loving a friend and being excited that they reached out to hating them for not messaging me sooner all in the span of a minute or so. I’ve been ignoring them for days because of it. In relationships, I cheat and manipulate without even noticing until later, then beg them not to leave me because I can’t be alone. I push people away before they get the chance to push me away and it seems like this has ended every friendship/relationship I’ve had. I’m the most codependent person I’ve ever come across and it feels that I can’t function without a partner/close friend to lean on at all times. My relationship with my family is rocky. I still see the abusive parent occasionally but speak to them regularly due to living with family members that are still close with them. Multiple times a week, I go into a fit of rage that I can’t control and it feels like my emotions control everything. It’s like my mind is always 100% one way or 100% another but never in between. I self-harm frequently, I have an eating disorder, and I think about suicide everyday. I have no sense of identity, I suffer from derealization and have for as long as I can remember. I have no money, I have spent it all with zero regard for the future. I make every decision on impulse and don’t think about how my choices could affect me. I always assumed that I wouldn’t live this long, so now I still live as if I’m on a timer. I wasn’t aware that any of this was even a problem until a peer mentioned it. Does anyone relate to this? Do you have any advice on how to feel a little better until I can speak to a professional? What are the odds that I have BPD if a close family member does and I suffered extreme trauma? Any input would be appreciated. TLDR; My family and I think I show signs of BPD, my family history proves it possible but I don’t know what to do during quarantine.",5.191451435345922,6.217595908713694,6.338487029666643,75.8992353289864,68.47441217150761,9.553493098484207,29.969486549806646,9.759181447463524,2.8668110141982104,2954,110,545,66,49,991,317,723,0.152,0.762,0.086,-0.9953,3,2,0,0,2,1,69.0,0,1,8,5,27,27,4,1,40,0,66,11,0,10,9,108,98,52,2,9,27,3,3,3,4,6,8,3,0,4,49,31,2,5,16,1,5,8,24,15,0,5,16,9,78,12,94,67,13,86,0,5,3,1,36,33,0,13,43,409,127,7,0.056530774869219334,0.2679188969572413,0.05516588161004638,0.0,0.0,0.11048243787919927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058548833974837275,0.0,0.0,0.0940762665542915,0.0,0.0,0.15377146173575953,0.118554892918876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03952763219454306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05284864340905414,0.0,0.1593375716068384,0.0,0.0,0.13784254264237544,0.0,0.04810352572539675,0.06369082482111563,0.0,0.04999687644713264,0.0,0.0,0.2135955959825764,0.0,0.0,0.06465614648012544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04869625697294082,0.0,0.0,0.12680814185036815,0.04513522378205501,0.0,0.0,0.036457673116326035,0.0,0.0,0.22951018611517998,0.0,0.0,0.12957833119355452,0.0,0.09894092408444624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569019122925815,0.0,0.12717902578718354,0.05006948731119002,0.0,0.0,0.07467608729336761,0.05113532231714888,0.1428888479389349,0.05401757796067444,0.05080621532704837,0.0,0.3197531006194629,0.0,0.08575097500083123,0.04038559686195321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04808504822499825,0.0,0.0,0.13102660929992602,0.0,0.029534996647478606,0.0,0.032127742110395444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04998997752109964,0.0,0.0,0.11162487316176772,0.0,0.060089570187770926,0.0,0.0,0.03789138677724575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03106783546063933,0.0,0.0,0.059857928186982774,0.061420852302221725,0.057806547380955,0.07985871620751972,0.08285424336409837,0.05665868758638588,0.1497531297039831,0.15008387051855154,0.04747161325067847,0.0,0.0,0.04806044323417046,0.05102123142827943,0.05349078603820884,0.037734731193864834,0.05731333286142268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056969724888023786,0.0,0.05707996750548375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04360001859086755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055388156751846926,0.0,0.06436066187205927,0.0,0.0,0.11492014823800765,0.04299420166231847,0.0,0.0,0.1883122065783126,0.0,0.0,0.11757396421785772,0.04936049212216757,0.0,0.062053814933315486,0.05343985461264051,0.12745990952008004,0.10828171155043896,0.0,0.0,0.054092316901933835,0.0,0.0,0.06332740552913135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05581732025985831,0.1820786884729111,0.06403834791086767,0.0,0.0,0.044955541155164765,0.0565971675175001,0.0,0.09009541701334484,0.05146349429351731,0.1179478541849647,0.06386368475688728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05591038183382846,0.06328157422338472,0.0,0.0,0.13543664950301218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236709847817715,0.0,0.0,0.0587571203362267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127317346451212,0.15022613962028278,0.10866791377065424,0.0,0.0,0.09889064830407264,0.0,0.0,0.05401757796067444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04487149780020666,0.045345577716312986,0.0,0.0,0.1048091893227287,0.0,0.06311459131112646,0.0,0.10898729933704378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040157840519925735,0.0,0.0,0.07280793116303792 bpd,cosmeticvampire,2020/04/10,"Do I have the right to be upset about this ? So about a week ago I cut off a few toxic friendships, and made a post on facebook that was kinda shitty in nature but nothing horrible (by that I mean, it wasn’t a racist/rape joke/homophobic thing or anything like that) and i got a few threats and people ‘attacking’ me. I had just cut off one of my super close friends and was making posts on my instagrams spam account where i had about fifteen followers, all friends of mine close and not so close alike, and i was talking about my BPD and how i hate that i cut people off the way i do and things like that (even though this specific friend was deserving) and then another friend texted me and said she doesn’t like how i post about my BPD and use it whenever i fuck up because it makes it seem like all BPD people are like me (she has bpd as well) and i’m like ??? i have NEVER used my mental health as an excuse for the way i act, i use to it explain to myself why these things might be happening so it can help me better myself in the future but that’s it. i think i should be aloud to speak about my mental health in my own personal space (my spam account). i find it unfair that she’s saying i ‘cant’ basically just because she doesn’t want to be viewed like me???? it’s like, i’m not the poster child for BPD not everything i do is inherently BPD related, and some things ARE. I don’t have to pretend to be a-okay all the time simply because you’re worried about how others might view YOU.",3.669667128987516,4.337751611650487,4.583522884882112,88.40873786407768,71.71844660194175,7.827461858529817,25.07027276930189,7.957251820313856,1.137429218677762,1164,32,258,15,21,378,149,309,0.115,0.6940000000000001,0.191,0.982,2,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,0,2,19,23,7,1,12,0,30,3,0,9,4,48,49,26,0,2,8,0,0,8,4,3,2,3,0,2,24,16,0,0,5,1,2,2,9,8,1,1,10,5,42,15,30,31,7,28,0,0,2,1,18,15,1,6,14,179,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715807798158199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467433484159043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645109096458877,0.0,0.0,0.0918657796292778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14767495449264198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714175881414692,0.0,0.0,0.6102174130356158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05333519236920242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725736809796652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738048382240408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495517075871775,0.07465288415080451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458385269495816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140773343267426,0.0,0.0,0.07972477266895404,0.0,0.17166881134288334,0.0,0.0,0.0541256103834392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31560639511055405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764084318483328,0.10780367425081597,0.0,0.0,0.08796137747311501,0.0,0.0,0.16275578146918535,0.17132783808879762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228005411449175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748264389486906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05471888378665113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679474709095025,0.070508550680537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320110543387593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896080734235067,0.0768125753458301,0.06421633812046985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351256520318195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490449576693952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21458917696246416,0.051741901103706266,0.07933732619730906,0.0,0.04708648548668939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092284911952116,0.0,0.0,0.047628959161169694,0.12819257429310016,0.06477348233554206,0.0,0.07260473579195753,0.0,0.072865106074027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200643485825805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TeddyLovedust,2020/04/10,"Anybody wanna be my friend? Sad, I know... Looking for friends on reddit... But I want friends with BPD like me because I feel so out of place in this world. Is it stupid to ask for friends on reddit? Guess I'm pretty desperate and even lonelier because of the Rona. Anyone interested/wanna know more about me?",2.0234382566585936,4.7065372033898285,2.897142857142857,89.3037288135593,83.74576271186443,5.405326876513318,25.37772397094431,6.868970318607317,1.1669690072639232,241,10,46,3,7,76,46,59,0.151,0.579,0.27,0.8334,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,10,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,5,12,9,1,6,0,1,1,0,5,6,0,1,1,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543648618102496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20638659802708947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691540558493311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780473036756649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581399461061345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111626025231744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6822536814585083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24319886138045324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426546626431744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785521517660004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18538800865391186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23065369385033835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22459859475564886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021362604939607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,beehiive,2020/04/10,"not good enough i love when people just let me know im not good enough i looove it sooo much(sarcasm) if anyone could let me rant to them-that would be really nice",0.8288235294117641,3.2001227647058816,1.26029411764706,101.16632352941177,86.05882352941177,4.576470588235295,11.441176470588234,5.985473137389443,-1.3885058823529413,130,1,30,1,4,39,27,34,0.27399999999999997,0.6459999999999999,0.08,-0.757,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,7,7,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17155051975081184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19588755179597345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5070127314946135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41156651060839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650140698853323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483487436267852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5017625745653344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22143291373410773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18035637496859805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009092585718952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571739148726203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428563338571387,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,emelyn1989,2020/04/10,"Don't you feel like you also perceive music differently from time to time? Sometimes I hear people repeating the sounds they're hearing from music we're listening to but I don't feel like what I'm hearing is actually what they're saying, like they say ""Badabum badabumbababumba"" but all I hear is something like ""Bada Bada Bada Bada bum"" so i get a little confused... if someone else experience this or knows about what I'm talking please let me know:)",4.8113109243697485,6.942193694117647,5.804537815126048,75.07470588235296,70.88235294117648,7.680672268907562,29.789915966386555,8.418075326091056,2.501756302521009,364,15,60,6,7,120,55,85,0.11900000000000001,0.845,0.037000000000000005,-0.6808,1,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,1,0,3,5,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,11,17,6,0,1,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,8,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,8,4,5,16,1,4,0,0,0,0,11,1,0,3,7,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.14781095804682184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112893730193157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582518640430546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653211192297792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816480809368968,0.0,0.0,0.15317358481241267,0.2164175968637441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913579957323577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6828619602355841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648574770685198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488633373352834,0.0,0.2959985346609991,0.15181076871060314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500886771072296,0.0,0.0,0.16626642352223675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409069306507053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283383792235178,0.11660749767238375,0.1498057651292353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217442734846704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17664446503391376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,the_noofa,2020/04/10,"Can Borderline people have manic episodes? I think i got the flair right. Anyway it feels so weird. So for starters i'm having it now and i feel like sort of how bipolar people describe mania, but i am sure i am not bipolar, i am just BPD. I feel like i need to run out of my house and go to a roadtrip, walk for hours, go to some place to eat, really anything and i can't control my laughter or how easily agitated i am at the moment. It's not as common as your average mood swing where i hate everyone and lash out. I don't even know if i feel happy, sad or neutral.",1.1583471074380185,2.8421258264462854,3.4256198347107443,90.09479338842978,79.99173553719008,6.383471074380165,22.570247933884296,7.348242739294969,0.7759355371900836,439,14,98,6,11,151,80,121,0.14300000000000002,0.73,0.126,-0.4875,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,9,8,1,0,3,0,9,3,0,3,1,26,21,14,0,2,7,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,6,0,0,4,4,3,0,0,1,4,16,4,13,20,1,15,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,5,7,64,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624847497078033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486817050585169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22145726918375386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20204092140400204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130414042221602,0.0,0.0,0.1886721960993194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993471602359533,0.28211702702678376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244310792347569,0.0,0.15791901965760086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21018948573566806,0.0,0.1949412649903615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944487442388566,0.2278311032938057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851350552367396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19292845825152735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640687453914972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27377431409747777,0.0,0.2062935087176948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649170001695348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168621453132214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860945442944945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651816137558658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,niamh1640,2020/04/10,"Im 15 and i need someone to talk to :/ So everything has become so overwhelming lately. I dont know if i have bpd but i can relate to some of the symptoms but i havent told anyone about it. I am enjoying lockdown as i dont really like people much but its causing me to over think so much. My anxiety is really bad and my blood pressure is low. I just need someonw to talk to for support. Being young is a pain but it is bearable. Ive been feeling very down lately i was okay a few weeks ago but now everything has come crashing down on me. Its like im hapy and then God is like "" ah shes happy let me just ruin it and take a massive crap on her happiness"" its so unfair but tbh life is unfair. I need someone to talk to preferably my age or above i dont mind just the company and support will be great x thank you :)",-0.6907312252964459,1.4466868636363657,2.077302371541503,93.79872529644273,92.29545454545456,5.106324110671936,19.58399209486166,6.7026698264267655,0.3031934782608694,632,21,142,9,23,219,103,176,0.21100000000000002,0.6,0.18899999999999997,-0.5697,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,9,18,1,2,5,2,23,5,2,1,0,27,35,19,0,5,11,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,7,1,0,3,1,21,11,17,28,4,15,0,3,0,0,7,6,1,3,11,96,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384175183150113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961541230490196,0.0,0.0,0.08191033221457117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781097223101233,0.0,0.1293771716160644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475397104519498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033992617441687,0.0,0.10090982851258083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118783199506918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21056429363244725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05923190487329645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915249927096428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494055271029083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25307286200443496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437969042122181,0.0,0.2642887585558431,0.0,0.0,0.11978844259750655,0.08274280056281925,0.17169302137650294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182828022220001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222973864669644,0.260584041024629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465027219813472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121341902014527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500918516758983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19851273126681912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26586894575313264,0.0,0.12175824807882855,0.08807827236398721,0.2824695355172578,0.0,0.10785114593668467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506162502736069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119368277464435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665668627156204,0.0,0.0,0.09396645154266596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kasunex,2020/04/10,"Was it me? Or her? Or us? I've been out of my relationship with my pwBPD ex for quite some time now. Moving on has proven beyond difficult, though. The girl I fell in love with was kind, gentle, open-minded. Sure, she was often depressed, anxious, but she was never aggressive. It seemed like she just needed someone to believe in her, to support her. These days whenever I think of my ex, or anytime I might check her social media and see her posts, I'm always presented with the angry, vindictive, edgy person that gradually consumed the one I had fallen for. It makes me want to hate her, to believe that the person I loved never existed. That she was always selfish and manipulative, pulling me along in a tangled web of lies. If that's true, than I'm the fool for ever believing in her. And yet, what if it's not? What if the girl I cared about is still in there, somewhere? And what if, perhaps most upsetting at all, our relationship helped turn her into this? She always paints me as a terrible, monstrous person. This is an exaggeration, but in all the confusion and pain of our relationship, even I can say I surely made some mistakes. There are certainly moments I regret beyond what I can say. But if that's the case, how can I let myself be consumed by that same cynicism that pushed us apart in rejecting her? I don't want to be in a relationship with her anymore. I don't even really want to be friends. I just want some clarity. I want to know that this bond we shared was real, that the person I loved wasn't just a lie - or if it was a lie, I need to know that as well. But I have no way of knowing. She won't even speak to me anymore, despite my frankly overly frequent attempts to establish some line of communication. Instead, I'm just left with confusion that makes it next to impossible to move on. The way that I see this relationship and the person I was with completely colors how I'll approach relationships in the future. But without closure, I'm left wondering. And given how at a loss anyone seems to be to understanding these feelings, I worry I'll be left this way forever.",4.645978416659642,5.850743022004893,5.720613776241469,79.16841075794623,69.88019559902203,8.770963662423068,29.01787370373493,9.130062681391069,2.396984082286485,1652,61,317,32,29,548,196,409,0.16,0.7040000000000001,0.136,-0.9523,0,0,0,0,0,0,59.0,5,0,0,3,24,30,3,3,19,0,29,4,0,7,9,83,62,28,0,15,21,2,1,1,1,2,1,3,0,7,29,17,0,0,9,0,1,7,9,16,1,1,13,7,52,14,54,41,8,46,0,4,3,3,46,22,0,22,14,238,81,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18535392337184411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838850219737432,0.14727851646310958,0.05191958947924155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509739107593038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757061233957245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785310581033285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04788719476673703,0.0,0.06395420384817674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471306873545631,0.06716630355009201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037544667466846975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736786637617259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330969841183001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04977037927774877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732331948543453,0.1224229107769098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420290763662332,0.07592896519730946,0.0,0.03627638070928211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010493351165631,0.07026020780493787,0.0991292239845049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877094985265247,0.07497460171121242,0.0,0.0,0.15783887868747418,0.0,0.110115668105615,0.11453734720986672,0.0,0.07896915947033863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05031591478458329,0.0,0.07901067894645399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241753104338587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111407513785467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897745709728722,0.0,0.0845164393120357,0.047568524705639006,0.0,0.0,0.4783211254296856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180983080446458,0.0,0.0,0.11834043188500715,0.13519471562253524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569182374634792,0.06291452637975488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05929873063676778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426169291208052,0.13996559342108367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04757847577588088,0.07295342791978401,0.0,0.04329765936913641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076619902791635,0.0,0.07730023794408236,0.17863500205305174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21898241380212927,0.17681628894232468,0.0,0.0,0.06676257712618994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157747031469944,0.08052446762257029,0.0,0.07540776606854327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ntanash,2020/04/10,"Life with my girlfriend suffering from BPD.. Hey guys this is my first time posting on reddit.. Seeking some support. I’m (20m) in relationship (19f) who suffers from BPD. I have been dating my girlfriend for 8 months now. It has been exhausting and hard for over 4 months. We face many issues; The constant fighting, the lack of sex(roughly having sex 3-4 times a month), poor communication, constant mind games and questionable untrustworthy things she has done. Also the added stress from social isolation during this COVID-19 is not helping. We’ve been living together for almost 5 months now. I feel like i’m going to lose it and i’ve been feeling out of character around her from the things she put me through. She even says she misses the old me. Constantly getting rejected by her with sex. She never initiated sex so i always had to and getting turned down %90 of the times i try. Has anyone gone through this and what did you do?",4.173879310344827,6.6537506839080525,4.31676724137931,83.48308189655174,73.77011494252874,7.108620689655173,27.54166666666667,8.07648339933343,1.9211735632183904,745,29,134,12,16,231,117,174,0.192,0.772,0.036000000000000004,-0.9771,0,2,0,0,2,0,29.0,1,1,0,2,6,10,1,1,7,0,15,6,1,0,1,19,26,7,0,1,1,0,3,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,9,10,0,0,3,1,1,3,2,8,0,1,8,4,18,2,23,18,2,26,0,5,0,3,21,6,0,3,17,87,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849511570190686,0.0,0.0,0.10261839320918203,0.1067734929527615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972514561103967,0.0,0.0,0.11423304688033607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232320427912241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41600879319869466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131710896797466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475492249425863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976607824404238,0.09167266941751576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914992156543736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408503002527095,0.0,0.07292787801762446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705813282821907,0.0,0.0,0.11495056338543765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601097529089928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339339624907249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906370372093728,0.06269124186128669,0.0,0.113309943975966,0.0,0.0,0.14355856583587331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009752547624315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956780134707854,0.0,0.40969893424047815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896919697734123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465148186758494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289620951817355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899821829609914,0.1437490779691858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377689136171301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020461447404154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080727284874955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699146657035495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561734292972262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705017667852501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244753183034824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712165114040059,0.13957658450145102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,newu40,2020/04/10,"been contemplating getting help I (22f) have been struggling a lot the past 4 years and have been trying to work on myself and the traits I find toxic and have negatively impacted my life. Since November when I found this reddit I’ve been doing more research into BPD, I’ve never felt something more relatable and many times a lot of y’all explain your emotions that I relate with too better than I could express it myself. I know it’s dangerous to self diagnose and was curious the steps y’all took in getting diagnosed. I almost don’t want to deal w it bc it feels like I’m admitting something’s wrong w me but I have never felt so relieved than how I do when I read some of yalls post. Just looking for same guidance, any and all advice welcome.",3.356902286902286,5.437547081081082,4.477027027027027,83.24177754677757,74.81081081081079,7.256548856548858,26.92515592515593,8.139509932561175,1.8769536382536376,600,23,112,10,13,196,100,148,0.044000000000000004,0.835,0.122,0.8677,0,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,4,0,2,6,7,1,1,5,0,13,3,0,1,3,29,26,11,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,8,0,0,8,1,0,2,4,3,0,0,9,4,18,4,12,16,7,13,0,0,1,0,11,3,0,4,8,77,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15347655996408746,0.0,0.0,0.15727223225674686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680573048930224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389062144780948,0.0,0.0,0.19781072855958276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539909531781368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192127322578093,0.0,0.3188238286359089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667060713072633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941391657247777,0.11220321704425344,0.3016031748180752,0.0,0.14354938264733733,0.0,0.0,0.17220744915789202,0.0,0.0,0.16411403553430434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527355852156244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863157005503936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093564988201607,0.07673125547701933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189028116171622,0.0,0.0,0.26705245248099296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592335096237757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422676760631635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14993090253327898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041942334722674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15710183291973207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163847135010245,0.0,0.0,0.12992110114165034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24182389158602915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419251340665078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158255861396024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17449869507480856,0.10663297571972244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263766235712806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434106312382025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17171972224323712,0.0,0.10114105940731548 bpd,normak1993,2020/04/10,"Feel betrayed and abandoned. My girlfriend met with her most recent ex back in September and didn't tell me about it until November. She said she met with him because she was having anxiety about running into him while she was in the area she was in (she was there for a meeting) and so she took it upon herself to get it overwith. She said that she didn't feel safe telling me because I wasn't comfortable in the relationship at the time. She tried to meet with him in public, but ended up stopping at his apartment on the way out of town (she claims they smoked together and his roommate was present.). I immediately assumed that she cheated on me with him, and I'm still not convinced that she didn't. This situation has caused nothing but turmoil, and was actually the catalyst that lead me to seek therapy and find out that I have BPD. She's sworn up and down that she didn't cheat and that her story is the truth, but I just can't seem to let go of this. We can't even talk about it anymore, and we actually broke up yesterday during an argument where I repeatedly called her a cheater. I just don't know how to trust her after something so painful. She said she knew she'd hurt me, but the benefit of no longer being anxious outweighed the risk of how I'd react. She does have ADHD, so she's pretty impulsive and illogical at times, which often triggers my BPD and creates massive issues. Idk if I should even be interacting with her anymore, and the pain simply will not go away.",6.224057211925866,6.277963541095892,6.505398871877521,79.01526591458502,65.986301369863,9.473327961321514,33.61482675261885,9.168548406835145,2.8011524576954066,1182,48,231,19,17,381,159,292,0.16699999999999998,0.757,0.076,-0.9786,0,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,2,0,1,1,17,15,2,2,12,0,25,2,0,6,1,52,40,25,0,2,9,1,2,0,1,2,2,3,0,0,14,23,0,3,7,0,0,5,11,9,0,0,18,5,49,6,39,16,1,42,0,3,0,0,51,23,0,5,13,175,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.24741644503767485,0.0,0.15235166015145396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969779107114925,0.14321284631367384,0.25144149750761513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910361494377154,0.09747750856944996,0.0,0.1545543680268122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193221455686143,0.0,0.12944528617541542,0.0,0.0,0.13022664645969426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093637494437376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227967535225246,0.0,0.0,0.16745941067389172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819639466770502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158645367614394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623155165336854,0.0,0.14409144761304146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570879818669893,0.0,0.0,0.13231386312361526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966890748725893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962985486207818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163824022862355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697822317943565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289696109636227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516905872948594,0.13610242570317807,0.0,0.0,0.361758944564644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540570399404168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14249362729033332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759294209330938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123785864820477,0.10598453049753584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189209158542244,0.2216033247418868,0.0,0.14497135870767805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784000507062714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084498377808513,0.08606780542980359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006233032558042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,VoidOfIdentity,2020/04/10,"CW: suicidal ideation: i am so irrationally angry i know this is the stupidest thing to ever be upset about but my bf doesnt wanna come over bc hes worried people will be outside more bc of easter and ya know virus, but he said he would spend the long weekend with me and now hes not and im so mad i want to kill him and then myself  but im ignoring him instead of actively guilting him bc i know if i talk to him im gonna be mean and toxic. gooooooodddddddd i wish i was a normal person or i wish i was dead!! im so tired of living in this purgatory hell >:(",-1.6058743633276755,0.3399759677419389,1.7052631578947377,94.46078947368423,99.80645161290323,4.546010186757216,17.010186757215614,6.339386263674448,-0.15121935483870974,436,13,101,6,19,155,80,124,0.316,0.604,0.08,-0.9899,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,7,6,3,2,3,0,12,1,0,0,1,25,22,14,3,7,6,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,3,7,0,1,4,1,1,1,2,6,0,0,3,1,19,0,11,13,1,8,1,0,0,0,13,2,1,2,5,65,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484846322195934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160266228796065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6763758699723953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319231641187258,0.0,0.25809683092241803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382308802808815,0.13853617335911625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052188934450513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533795055918543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852763213746082,0.13668784667069153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890882623332627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123330703050826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582382817406124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040006220335339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17992385723788085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923334801817686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600348637572167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897764009790954,0.0,0.11120409282039084,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thevacantthroughfare,2020/04/10,"Death in the time of CoVid-19 *****Content Warning: death, emotional abuse ******* Back in January, I was told that my N-Grandma (who raised me, yes I borrowed a term from r/raisedbynarcissists) was only expected to live a few more months. This month, on April 1st, she died. None of this was unexpected - I had been involved heavily in their care since October and was aware of how bad things",0.7472521008403348,2.1290772714285744,1.6930252100840342,90.25844537815128,119.14285714285714,5.647058823529411,22.689075630252105,6.794906146795322,1.4944705882352944,299,13,57,7,17,93,58,70,0.256,0.655,0.08900000000000001,-0.9432,1,0,0,0,1,0,26.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,6,0,0,1,0,3,8,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,7,0,7,1,9,1,4,10,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,6,36,12,0,0.0,0.33702153349344904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21872111535879607,0.2375002020156999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29001125543946954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952096337254944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199630245255907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511706838224482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4540835422897042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21633370307393734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23529634694818355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889730232567691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658625219204251,0.0,0.0,0.2717999688213689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,siennaalwin,2020/04/10,"I broke up with my SO I'm so sorry I don't know where else to post, I've always lurked in this sub so I'm not sure if I'm even flairing this right but I don't know what to do. I'm not crying but I feel so empty and I can't sleep. My SO has been perfect and loves me a whole lot so I'm so amazed that for the first time I didn't actually doubt I'm loved (unlike with my past relationships) but I keep feeling that I'm abusive and toxic and that she deserves better because I always get mad over stupid things and saying hurtful shit. I always apologize and say what I did wrong and what I can do better and she's always always so patient and says she will always accompany me to recovery but I still feel like a burden and I feel like garbage and now I broke up with her and I don't know if I should have done that. I'm so sorry this is a mess I have no one else to talk to",1.079752538071066,2.211488406091373,3.2281186548223366,93.84847239847721,78.64467005076142,5.9402284263959375,19.419098984771573,6.322622252153567,-0.19213680203045724,684,14,168,5,16,234,96,197,0.23,0.5720000000000001,0.19699999999999998,-0.7752,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,4,13,19,3,1,4,0,17,4,2,0,2,36,36,27,0,3,8,0,4,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,11,15,0,1,7,0,0,0,8,10,0,2,4,7,26,9,13,30,2,12,0,3,0,2,12,6,1,4,7,109,37,0,0.0,0.13653511492843498,0.11245313520319858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5753105441343274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024643507959827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20383270756333316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265806845405209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179258311610106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19252879323214472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611190010709107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330659386838229,0.16464839685810573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801917909190658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06020574446181023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336188751259945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242652528889523,0.0,0.0,0.18999109954710275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259639906954005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796902293959872,0.20800890944134293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808649470899802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000523599896904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036366675954427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371970243733972,0.0,0.09841040871123118,0.0,0.2749194647186089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828749023228552,0.0,0.0,0.1153186295336742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25799320936502823,0.0,0.0,0.09202714560477436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860800819093894,0.0,0.0,0.09262185583054064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655728457848912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719469304523089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286562176269507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599182858151495,0.0,0.0 bpd,CynicalMission,2020/04/10,"The effect of knowing I have bpd I feel overwhelmed I feel outcasted I feel weak I feel lonely I feel insane I feel like an observer of my self-destruction I feel like I’m giving up I feel like I forgot everything that everyone told me that I should have held onto I feel like everything is a matter of time before I fuck up anything good I feel out of control even when I’m alone I feel that No matter what I know I am just gonna forget it and go back to being dead inside and impulsive because I’m too stupid to memorize all the behaviors to avoid (80% of what I do) I wish I were strong enough to kill myself or do SOMETHING IDK ANYTHING ,cause right now it’s like I’m stuck and I know why I’m stuck and how to get unstuck but I STAY FUCKING STUCK like do I have to hurt myself to do something about it? Do I have to cheer up??? Cause the temporary pleasures or distractions don’t cut it anymore,I don’t think I can cheer up knowing how damaged and defective I am , the worst part is that I Could try to fix myself but since I i was told I have bpd it’s like I have no control over this beamoth it hurts so much to live knowing everytime I act or think in a really extreme way ,and it’s like I don’t want to care about myself anymore,I fucking hate myself, I don’t know I’m stuck and I want to do something about it but I don’t think I can.... I want to focus on myself and get things done so that I can at least try to be happy alone because I don’t want to feel the pain of losing someone again I want to be alone forever and be happy alone ,and be strong enough to do and act how I want to or at least get somewhere.... not stay here stagnant on my bed alone days on end at 18 years old.",0.9649758919961436,2.688801196721311,2.8585085181613654,93.74161041465769,80.74863387978142,5.945226615236257,21.420443587270974,6.923569853693429,0.3749407907425266,1322,39,305,15,34,442,150,366,0.21899999999999997,0.607,0.17300000000000001,-0.9704,0,8,3,0,0,3,24.0,0,0,0,6,16,36,7,3,8,0,36,5,0,8,1,67,89,24,2,9,9,0,12,8,0,2,2,0,1,0,17,12,0,5,23,0,0,3,9,19,0,0,11,12,51,17,41,70,8,30,0,6,0,3,3,15,3,4,17,195,68,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658036145838287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625979212800006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05431704743772953,0.0,0.08612178401994662,0.0,0.0601086046978794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793475011120574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202119051624369,0.1451314674988427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845533889696045,0.056399510916379784,0.0,0.0,0.045556325207089014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722882445928623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256520649638903,0.14597798493319972,0.0,0.04665640765216848,0.0,0.0,0.06749861244912485,0.12697159583363174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4286065423317942,0.20185812500487293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19591391203238265,0.11071792003590246,0.06776338635822536,0.04014578393636541,0.059248659996656725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039310435634334,0.0,0.06974140953444928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512410675447731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815161152253468,0.0,0.2329281538965939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760852632906621,0.0,0.06237555037048336,0.0,0.0,0.07902699657418595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05192780881490001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412377056221353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516489956137014,0.0,0.0,0.0764951768308229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045253166147389216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060325338607857736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736919054815154,0.0,0.0,0.058433328753574175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598522138949128,0.16314411015623442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058359672521948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0469294272382024,0.1357878985725766,0.0,0.0,0.041190181645308035,0.0,0.0,0.1349972248982497,0.0,0.09591851779964501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499883513260026,0.05606996748785905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374072993071947,0.0,0.08123138886833968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04548921401450316 bpd,2lazy2beagoodnerd,2020/04/10,"Help? My boyfriend's friends think I'm abusing him; so do I. :( Hi, This will be my first ever post, so I'm sorry for mistakes. I feel really scared, guilty, and feel very alone. I was hoping talking to others with BPD would help. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. We've struggled with my desire to be around him all the time, my emotional volatility, and my depression. Basically, it feels like we struggle with ""me"" constantly. Since the stay at home order things have gotten worse. I have so much more time in my head, the world feels so slow and I feel so isolated. I've been snappier, more depressed and because I have nowhere to go and no one else to talk to I want to spend all my free time with him. He wants to play games and hang out with his friends. I get that. I really really get that. The ""rational"" part of my brain KNOWS that's normal, healthy, not a problem- but every time he says he would rather be away from me I descend into self hate, shut down, and push him away (act cold, sarcastic). He sees this and in turn he's been doing his own hobbies less and is clearly more stressed and sad. I want to stop being this way and doing this to him. Last night, he wanted to play games. Hour 1-3 I was doing ok. Hours 3-6 I was not. After a night of pushing him away from me and a morning of being cold he told me that his friends are messaging him (unprompted) that they think I'm abusing him. Friends I know and like. It hit me so hard when I heard that I felt like I couldn't breath. I think they're right. I am abusive. All I can think of now is how much I want to leave. Leave him alone to be happy. To be away from me. I hate myself. I hate that I feel like I can't control how my brain twists things up and chokes itself on its warped perception. What do I do? I scheduled my therapist and psychiatrist appointment. Is it even possible to trust or forgive myself after knowing that I'm abusive? This hurts because I spent so many years being abused... How did I turn into the one hurting someone else? Thanks. I know that was probably too long. I appreciate this sub and anything you guys may be able to share.",1.1820084485407063,3.511459080645164,2.3463882488479264,94.34434427803379,83.76958525345623,5.644316436251921,21.023233486943163,6.996647511020387,0.4366053763440867,1667,52,363,22,48,530,213,434,0.18,0.6659999999999999,0.154,-0.9515,0,2,0,0,2,0,69.0,1,1,1,2,19,32,3,4,8,1,39,4,4,4,5,74,79,30,0,14,5,0,8,4,4,4,0,2,1,2,24,27,0,2,17,4,3,5,5,14,0,3,13,13,66,19,45,51,11,48,0,5,1,0,41,17,0,4,26,234,90,0,0.06872631328075884,0.4071472151389287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688194752552949,0.1423594675744932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565558999686652,0.061180989644430285,0.0,0.0,0.2582825346366516,0.0,0.0,0.08378984536274654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655838569846501,0.1534425895555467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742687291864065,0.07708240426140525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838774584612848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148240319563407,0.07730785213197967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045393081748643566,0.0621668850181371,0.05790488308062565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20850053393648205,0.09819618387988166,0.06598803847467005,0.0,0.0,0.05845856696776006,0.0,0.0,0.2123911166308922,0.0,0.07181332423044523,0.0,0.039058747635966326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804985528353305,0.0,0.07316043844797042,0.0615652774759044,0.20355901773648968,0.0705330249679201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213159820716806,0.0,0.06893809582166997,0.06826073624508933,0.13536314943995262,0.0,0.14714587959694586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108073772295372,0.05602111810266069,0.0,0.1455424849361366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430482067521898,0.0,0.0,0.060820624562516634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967769464528023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104349602462948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898997873170145,0.06733719503717422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931414570600198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442389995272389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747859190573278,0.06582081041528627,0.0,0.0740985896987933,0.06576180011833843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208350837644792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05869189602757206,0.0,0.054653922793090615,0.06880702899632862,0.0,0.054765973658988484,0.0,0.07169653340381578,0.0,0.0,0.05685111654396899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05823158221747068,0.0,0.0,0.07693348101166743,0.0,0.07325310563033635,0.0,0.05745827526331215,0.07872575966113501,0.14369532944693025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104792146171923,0.0,0.06327395559752921,0.0,0.07979654679909437,0.09131741744552127,0.17614818601363133,0.0,0.0,0.16029946382552612,0.0,0.0,0.0656709375412174,0.0,0.0,0.1495089871836061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05670640605841605,0.20268280105184447,0.054551748535699315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003798468629856,0.09764240220078486,0.0,0.0,0.08851498494423465 bpd,Patient-Aerie,2020/04/10,"All I want to do is love another person and have them reciprocate A girl I only knew for a week whom I had a romantic interest in cut me out of her life yesterday over something completely trivial and I'm more crushed than I should be. I fall in love incredibly fast and hard. ""But bro it's only been a week"" yeah, I'm aware. I'm perfectly self aware that my thought process isn't normal. I'm right back where I was a few weeks ago, just overly desperate for female affection. There's a physical pain in my chest that won't go away. I feel so empty and alone. All I want is to be able to love every aspect of someone and have her feel the same way. I am so terrified of abandonement and being alone.",2.47718390804598,4.053476620689658,4.259051724137933,86.04903735632188,75.89655172413794,8.419540229885056,25.186781609195403,9.075114841892004,1.896022988505748,550,19,119,13,12,186,94,145,0.163,0.643,0.19399999999999998,0.7808,0,2,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,6,8,1,0,7,1,15,6,1,1,3,23,29,9,0,4,2,1,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,4,7,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,5,3,15,5,16,19,5,19,0,1,0,3,11,9,0,0,7,75,19,0,0.1640079429541105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538314575579758,0.0,0.0,0.3397255333856492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17197662830336333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540908612167276,0.12611198452556266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719592078056908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818376554341533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585468768980627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320949354534956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469189024438621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584366039959312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4440707154410856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069296191155655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494708621951152,0.1745160147229316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320540970626666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400618871586347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109605330441288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896339783912634,0.126261327189202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020398684056114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19347226810722476,0.13018187117560406,0.3946718370935155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,proudlyso,2020/04/10,"DAE confuse FP with love? I dont know. Is that what's happening? Is this person being my FP clouding everything, or am I actually falling love? Is it a crush? I have no idea. I hate being in my head. I cannot have feelings for this person. Fuck, I can't have feelings for anybody! I'm goddamn married! I love my wife, this much I know. What is happening to me?",-0.9722000000000008,1.1030828800000023,1.951500000000004,92.20325,100.2,4.633333333333333,22.25,6.42735559955562,0.7048000000000005,276,12,59,4,12,96,48,75,0.231,0.616,0.152,-0.5489999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,1,0,13,5,1,0,0,8,25,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,2,12,3,5,23,1,2,0,0,0,4,6,1,1,2,0,41,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.2010021280393492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414014545643908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18511726995589906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20829454672066972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904207961037984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36428646000467,0.0,0.0,0.2033579124705924,0.21139002649757652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325209816067125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263972172259321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5577021046141314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141550579865945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596992803544129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SecretAcct4Secret,2020/04/10,"He posted to FB but won’t reply to my text Title says it all. To be more specific though, I sent him a text and was waiting for a reply and I saw he posted something on fb a couple minutes after I messaged him. He still hasn’t replied to me and it’s been almost an hour. I know there are many logical explications for this but my BPD is screaming at me rn. It’s telling me he’s ignoring me because he doesn’t want to talk to me and he dislikes me. I feel hurt and angry over something so small but BPD be like that sometimes. How do you guys cope with situations like this?",0.6352585119798242,2.7344280491803303,2.7716393442622973,91.90633669609082,84.08196721311475,5.393190416141237,22.499369482976046,6.67199483983844,0.5345994955863809,450,16,99,5,13,152,77,122,0.153,0.784,0.062,-0.9274,0,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,0,10,0,0,1,1,18,16,11,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,6,6,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,4,16,2,13,9,2,10,0,1,1,0,15,4,0,1,5,64,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19323136369986585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763258891165905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4860773740609564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21351739504586909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757132060665437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19107042428377005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003636589759032,0.0,0.20657814428152366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106051146389488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18855057782892484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19564107261533406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696234215443988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345731704113125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216906121717208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29711513390420724,0.1908520500587682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410591833412252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551018023733603,0.16866409622468256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895918324806376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381857795477225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,unknownerror68,2020/04/10,"My friend told me he was scared of angering me I can't sleep it's 2 am and I've been thinking about it for two days. I love my friend and he's one of the few people who I can relax around and let my mess of a personality go. Two days ago he half jokingly said he didn't want to do certain thing because he doesn't want me to get angry and it scares him. I won't elaborate on thing. I keep turning it over and over in my head and I can't stop thinking about it. Why am I so toxic I don't know how to behave anymore. I just don't want to isolate myself from the one person I still talk to in this quarantine I'm so afraid of being alone. I'm so scared he hates me because of how annoying my mood swings are and I'm just so done. Why am I like this why can't I just be a nice person instead of this toxic bitch I am.",-0.2341397849462368,1.3463715000000036,2.3335483870967764,96.73698924731184,84.0,5.423655913978496,18.397849462365595,6.42735559955562,-0.3075892473118276,633,15,161,6,18,219,95,186,0.183,0.7040000000000001,0.113,-0.8829,0,2,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,14,18,4,4,4,0,21,3,2,2,1,22,38,13,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,3,11,8,0,2,3,2,0,1,8,9,0,5,6,1,24,8,21,28,1,12,0,0,0,1,17,6,1,0,6,105,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649208601275288,0.0,0.0,0.1361070289480623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032905873975775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698783186651318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021957798308528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950450532816344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448388434596228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20306288265980849,0.0,0.0686592775768506,0.0,0.07468656894746684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297457934796961,0.1348704183103191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680830947125732,0.0,0.0,0.07222263012466129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13438145362807022,0.0,0.06420307137613086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860779714176907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781013543858493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110709735748627,0.3442413524264111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500642151526148,0.0,0.3947101143462589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315106036095426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049487451931006,0.10986940690090873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562695912158347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746134990736193,0.16841174430749015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557332995491413,0.0,0.0,0.14294254111301946,0.2567480805836264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325371484458725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557466777790521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mxdvlinvh,2020/04/10,"Anyone else struggle with these things? Hello all. Came here because as of late ive been feeling like I'm crazy and it's taking a toll on myself and my relationship. I've always been a relatively sensitive person, can read people very well. I'm an empath. I have severe anxiety, social anxiety(would rather die than have to go into a new place or talk on the phone) I struggle with mood swings, and PTSD. Really low self esteem, severe trust issues. I beat myself up for doing things wrong, constantly telling myself i need to do better and I need to stop being selfish. Lately been feeling depressed for no reason. No energy, no motivation to be around other people. Sometimes I'm terrified I dont know who I really am even though I used to be so confident I knew who I was. Some days are better than others.. I am curious as to whether some of these things are relational to growing up with a mother who has bpd, or if these are symptoms of my own bpd. If this is not where i should post this please help me find a thread that will help me. I just want to know where this is stemming from",3.151625676340384,5.229071658878507,4.462444663059522,83.12999754058045,75.4018691588785,7.12208558780128,22.47811116576488,8.032893268588372,1.2379663551401876,861,24,163,14,19,284,135,214,0.17800000000000002,0.6579999999999999,0.163,-0.6766,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,4,10,12,0,2,7,0,24,1,0,3,1,35,39,13,1,7,8,1,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,16,10,0,1,8,1,0,3,5,6,1,0,6,2,21,5,27,28,4,20,0,2,0,0,14,10,0,6,7,120,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969939205167956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917420686844105,0.0,0.0,0.08150706136030751,0.119437699310195,0.0,0.1037702407507138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105877557955491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20618986011323676,0.0,0.0,0.2936266502103097,0.0,0.0,0.1333227467949408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259686048348284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517672156837804,0.0,0.10039985426670413,0.0,0.12097918833000908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366168369303289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737761279546303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699206974012063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788057439075655,0.08327620802832444,0.0,0.0,0.106541047276411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624828511538441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626615689398576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166671477229095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812545708578285,0.0,0.2629875801751243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569492405093748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286740143821974,0.0,0.1125821082666358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162715858641813,0.10178268813004968,0.1217887578634999,0.12795666779426176,0.0,0.0,0.1116399290514443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626176309091953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659955270885634,0.0,0.14935290131875906,0.11985132634175767,0.0,0.1251504159649166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216058546215894,0.2633773379875541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882640414623875,0.0,0.0,0.11528874030145428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745607404926128,0.0,0.2437243826574577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115879314574672,0.08764463476079393,0.09369294911217173,0.10188557671683007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323278141166316,0.0,0.11452747576673387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067733185880348,0.0,0.09618081438349646,0.06875483114416621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480863822261713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280656820640274,0.12744881732271418,0.0,0.0 bpd,elinodedinox,2020/04/10,"Have I lost the ability to love or am I simply recovering? I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 18 years old, and my then current relationship suddenly started to make a lot of sense. I would miss him even before I had left. He was the only person I felt safe with and without him I was a mess. When he broke up with me after two years I had constant panic attacks for a year. I wanted to kill myself, because I did not see myself recover from this. Today I am 22 years old. I have been in therapy for my disorder for 3 years. I take anti-depressants which made therapy go more smoothly because my symptoms weren't as bad anymore. I am in a relationship with a very sweet guy who I am not dependent on, I don't mind being alone and I'm hardly impulsive anymore. Now here is the deal; I am extremely confused. With my ex I would have great sex and I felt so much love for him.. even though I was not doing well, I miss those feelings, because I have not felt them anymore for the past year. I talked to my therapist and we discussed how my current relationship might feel dull, but is actually very healthy for me. I am not sure whether I am not in love with him, or if I'm just starting to be 'normal', like, not feeling so much anymore.. I suppose that would be a good thing. On the other hand, it breaks my fucking heart. I haven't felt the love I felt in my first two relationships in my current relationship and it makes me sad. It makes me wonder if I just don't love my current boyfriend or that I can't feel love as deeply as I used to be able to.. I'm really sad and scared about it (although I mostly just feel numb) and I really hope someone can offer me some insight. xxxx",3.659312015503879,4.509167625,5.0587209302325595,84.32329457364345,71.87790697674419,8.175193798449612,28.57751937984496,8.472884824447931,1.9171437984496125,1309,49,277,21,24,439,170,344,0.102,0.727,0.171,0.9857,4,1,0,0,0,1,37.0,1,0,1,2,15,30,3,3,12,0,37,13,2,7,1,66,73,26,1,8,18,1,13,1,0,4,3,0,0,2,12,15,0,1,12,0,0,1,13,16,1,3,17,15,57,14,35,48,6,35,0,7,1,8,27,9,1,13,25,200,69,0,0.07073024734523448,0.0,0.06902251844810747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325520512315056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28058159832821816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046586730524416,0.0,0.0,0.059056802128865465,0.1293495068617023,0.0,0.060186230961920426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908227050163453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643426999948577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291977925819798,0.060919858396403764,0.07178971219540288,0.0,0.0,0.08106299123889392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343332259735486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881669131947064,0.0,0.3395606471769649,0.0,0.0,0.060163112259292835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538897393864772,0.0,0.0,0.04019762954548647,0.059325175699326826,0.0,0.07798034739782933,0.0,0.07003406506542874,0.0,0.0,0.0633604087849106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381568365696608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025109493156374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825253912951825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768486206945079,0.0,0.0,0.03455522613008812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721042023524945,0.060132326955337566,0.38302085833381294,0.06692667022389556,0.1416389679969472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503361502498973,0.07141738689166785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398974025062599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930062494487177,0.0,0.0,0.14843899296112492,0.0,0.0,0.05379354033306338,0.0,0.08298670557649825,0.0,0.0,0.06752002438533425,0.0,0.0617589237890385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062321520170018,0.0,0.0,0.3796890779632418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081331658399279,0.0,0.0563628496581576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05992950904728904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012646623508432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666242106478919,0.07351580911971341,0.05318034351572538,0.056850293601948425,0.0,0.0,0.1617724040829093,0.0821232687011551,0.046990033471343166,0.0,0.06949210889961213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704400421253677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818634829877754,0.0,0.0,0.061088224135002964,0.0,0.1167197230611228,0.04171853244173794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359498672458926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818143442604352,0.0767039360955571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073421509235635,0.0,0.0,0.2732877618484832 bpd,an_odd_kibis,2020/04/10,"I got my heart broken, trying to handle it in healthy ways has been a handful. Last sunday the guy I had been talking to for maybe 3 months caught me off guard with the news that he wanted to stop doing what we were doing, but these past few months have been low key some of the best times I've had despite all the bullshit going on in my life and in the world. while he'd look at me with adoration in his eyes and make me feel like it was all real, I guess in the end I was just being led on. the pain has been unreal, I've been desperately trying for a week to ease it in productive ways (i.e. writing music, playing ukulele, doing crosswords, playing acnh) but it hurts so bad I don't know how long I'll be able to continue to handle it healthily. It breaks my heart that my trust has been burned again because while I'm strong enough to be able to trust others still (somehow, maybe that will change with different moods), I don't think I could trust him again. I don't know if I can save the friendship or if I even should. I have support other than him, but I'm bad at reaching out when I need to. Has anyone else been through similar and had a coping mechanism that helped you in that time? I'd really like to turn this into an opportunity for growth rather than breaking and falling into old habits. TL;DR: got my heart broke, but I want to handle it in productive ways so I don't fall into depression. If anyone has something that helped them through something similar, I'm open to trying new healthy coping mechanisms.",7.348333333333333,5.941584748366015,7.0967189542483675,80.51723529411768,64.26143790849672,9.990065359477123,31.83790849673203,8.648137234880735,2.2651610457516336,1207,35,247,14,15,382,166,306,0.10099999999999999,0.679,0.22,0.9921,1,0,2,0,0,0,31.0,1,1,1,3,11,21,0,0,12,0,35,7,5,3,2,46,54,18,0,9,10,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,18,13,0,2,4,2,0,6,4,7,0,0,16,4,29,13,40,31,6,51,0,4,2,0,13,20,0,7,22,164,47,0,0.22660963690170985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584507270581737,0.1160941762468697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18920958132207086,0.0690695656703381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890641661238485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986147423822315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904646778360191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758927410454447,0.0,0.0,0.11837941957984133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946516368589406,0.0,0.10035443849560152,0.11707416574686876,0.0,0.07483676398359666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05729032063762542,0.08094498494066396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643937394361867,0.0,0.181240427814594,0.0,0.12481803162179927,0.11218958402452704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40280026621708176,0.15189166288907946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129515157763472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453873008719235,0.09235854963011607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003054409340986,0.11071002209528304,0.0,0.0,0.1002711988343028,0.09514751095099576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563184614228002,0.0,0.22765983867315365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808776501929001,0.0,0.0,0.08401408720116738,0.0,0.10943049970684876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889434704218645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205643154153889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816226991878382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289656889786689,0.07258596803530913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445516963211172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904853743766534,0.0947279016788393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857696525518406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107012116055553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260115261525908,0.0,0.0,0.13213790162381367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23077960261353794,0.12324310617686199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366023509786856,0.2698082729433085,0.09088629091998376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LoneArcher96,2020/04/10,"Give me a reason why I should forgive, and convince me I'm not talking about the bigger stuff that really hurt, I'm actually talking about the small arguments and trivial words, that stuff when I tell you about and you be like ""and that makes you mad?!"", ""just drop it"", ""you're overthinking way too much!"", ""you're taking it way personal!"". I know where are you coming from, and yeah it's a very small trivial argument in the context of a joke, and tbh I know people would normally drop that stuff easily, except for sensitive ones like me, but still I see nothing wrong with me stopping at that argument, wanting to finish it and have you apologizing instead of just evading, dodging, projecting or blame-shifting or whatever the hell you call it, no matter how small it was, the moment you try these defenses I will lose it, normal people don't, well I guess I'm not normal. &#x200B; So long story short, I see it as I'm the only normal one and all the people are just irresponsible, and I can't get the concept of forgiveness if you don't see what's wrong with what you did, I won't ever drop it, I will remember it every time we have a conversation in the future and I will be barely able to hold it. Any other POV to that?",4.4497958191541045,5.542967090909091,5.5650704910063205,80.51840787554694,70.2396694214876,8.669324258629072,27.458434613514825,9.007467420416297,2.132620515313564,964,32,187,18,17,320,133,242,0.17,0.7340000000000001,0.096,-0.9619,0,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,1,9,0,1,15,14,3,0,13,1,17,0,0,3,2,47,33,18,0,8,10,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,1,24,14,0,3,6,1,0,1,7,7,1,2,2,3,26,7,18,23,2,24,1,2,3,0,20,9,1,4,11,131,50,1,0.11240681074952999,0.0,0.1096928324141525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179273248404628,0.13658657859923054,0.07644048590346526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147799216101395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968285142814889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167839573431534,0.09470758612247332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05872791919660762,0.10783085549052668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382877489650645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033381576032935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355168699175655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098325796897905,0.0,0.0,0.09947649027728464,0.0,0.12575446868007678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503241902850158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263193959431607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44053923323525374,0.10785736654262468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233952815001806,0.08549044481990309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337861877089684,0.09814929141368016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072010681307039,0.11557292277841034,0.0,0.0,0.12733500418103974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687210244255819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976822426637149,0.09397712703040856,0.0,0.0,0.3860367156430833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451593248344409,0.18069667317231547,0.09824850712582707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554531529967764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631684592208669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927473910619172,0.06630044934011559,0.17844658853321801,0.0,0.0,0.10106722237910308,0.0,0.10142966294047677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985057324751006,0.24579840327567226,0.13658657859923054,0.0 bpd,Belldandypie69,2020/04/10,"Why? Why do I have feelings if all they do is ruin everything? Why is it people claim they want to know what you're thinking and what you have to say and then just continue to ignore you when you try to explain yourself? Why is it I feel like I am so severely different from everyone else around me that no one will ever possibly understand how I'm feeling or thinking. Someone who is the love of my life claims that they love me back but when I open up to them they seem to be more interested in social media. I'm tired of feeling neglected and ignored and kicked in the teeth. By everyone that claims to care about me and have my back. I've never felt more alone in my life. I've been on the road to recovery because of my borderline personality disorder for about a year now. It almost ruined everything that I loved. And here I am trying to do better and it just seems like the very people that were griping at me to do better or the people that need to do better for themselves. Those very same people I realized refuse to work on themselves but expect me to flip myself inside out for them. Doesn't that seem a bit hypocritical? I don't know I just feel really alone and misunderstood right now and I don't know what to do. Every time I feel like I've made progress something ruins it and I feel like I've ended up further behind than I ever have been before. You don't get to just sit there and blame your mental issues on every bed decision you make you don't get to sit there and say well this is just me either deal with it or go away. You don't get away with disrespecting people and invalidating their feelings and not be held accountable or responsible. That's what I was told about my own issues and now the very same person who said that to me is doing the same thing and throwing it back in my face and gaslighting me. That's just being cruel and heartless and selfish. This new age hippie crap obviously is not for me. Pulling the ""don't care what anybody thinks about me"" while still hurting everyone else around you doesn't seem like the kind of world I want to be a part of. I'm at a loss and I feel nothing but pain right now I know my period makes my mental issues so much worse but damn. Feelings suck.",4.3791960629355575,5.3353443073496685,5.196348875637618,83.60469502119408,70.29175946547883,8.198893598678067,25.842445577986933,8.460557738077197,1.5616698182340687,1770,51,360,27,31,576,200,449,0.156,0.703,0.141,-0.9103,1,2,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,9,7,6,31,31,5,0,13,0,37,10,3,4,5,92,83,36,0,5,18,0,11,5,0,1,4,3,1,2,28,26,0,5,26,0,1,3,12,15,1,1,9,14,52,16,53,69,11,49,0,6,0,3,31,22,3,10,27,254,80,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941999574264444,0.1436016999008735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342971302503065,0.0,0.0,0.1302681572938632,0.15992229234520455,0.0,0.04226049883976099,0.0,0.05899133762733121,0.0,0.0,0.18393969512598168,0.07568605946913927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136499715542275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147208338486001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243093648052144,0.07945362600094602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582598937281426,0.0,0.061402277406089764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541870966853974,0.1168203251194096,0.19873195142574232,0.12461151471657872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505331914770752,0.14857956940817066,0.06656385177282508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086599536798798,0.0,0.0393995752589408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421493913804386,0.0,0.0,0.21707506285619027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219238252346978,0.15239907207394887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793403745862682,0.1693459599354652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877083214147092,0.06559795714652444,0.09255131446461176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972864669382262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05096260206744315,0.05140436602185358,0.05346850108107271,0.06695550291959887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652018672368469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046977105888879885,0.0,0.07376777401565034,0.0,0.0,0.07507332479219365,0.0,0.24030966943231605,0.12106561472655936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781546720646963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044412024140705636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840808600319293,0.06594492131250153,0.11026166862041732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524472226573844,0.0,0.07831867067552481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066914780895732,0.05873971248150781,0.05337055780122205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536384979038745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04605712777365036,0.13326394466586694,0.0,0.0,0.040424560253603616,0.07968006267944358,0.0,0.06624398380858078,0.0,0.09413563493400573,0.0,0.0,0.07217083260200216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160368278976526,0.08178056652673325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233241845048386,0.0,0.2502238033210087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050470168836333325,0.0,0.07064913791786231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044643684474448525 bpd,throwawy173,2020/04/10,I think i have bpd (thoughts?) I experience all symptoms of bpd. also would like to say i am not trying to self diagnose i swear but i really feel like this is what i have. ive been diagnosed with depression and i’m currently in therapy but i cant tell my therapist everything i want to. almost everything is a lie because im scared of what will happen if i do say what i want. i want to be properly diagnosed but theres already so much i havent told her and i cant do it now so idk what to do. idk how to get help if i really do have bpd. im been reading up on symptoms and other info about this and everything lines up exactly with me and my actions/emotions. is there anybody here i could possible talk to about this i really dont know what to do,0.5070332480818394,2.5493117018633558,3.4948337595907937,86.87452685421995,84.15527950310559,8.011837778589697,23.756302521008404,8.841846274778883,1.9641345268542203,588,23,130,17,17,210,85,161,0.098,0.816,0.086,-0.5717,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,1,1,0,23,5,0,1,2,27,34,14,0,7,6,0,1,2,0,2,5,2,0,1,10,7,0,0,5,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,3,22,2,18,26,2,6,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,3,4,94,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737552020399615,0.0,0.12935146285812674,0.0937380943986124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145416795740595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4428907156739959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935879387914484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095850922227632,0.3569172275606601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737701405930142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185292863950712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160402389858137,0.114660353479524,0.0,0.0,0.059268248662703485,0.08373958187120573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06124084975842808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036542762925356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856783437156395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532281436355256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441919281297782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453224638940684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616770808789916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132144135012259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724834765396915,0.0,0.22527591860505564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18643073331293628,0.11735429240306708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228250613475272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436659141490661,0.0,0.09421428483228786,0.10245249867851924,0.0,0.1340474286991969,0.13609753861506813,0.0,0.07510768169054552,0.0,0.09305690874863408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120055104690946,0.0,0.07958239554691372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074122110487867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832673288322055,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,daisy3002,2020/04/10,"Always follow your GUT Hi everyone, I am very sensitive to peoples emotions and actions. I sometimes wish that I wouldn’t feel so much because it takes a toll on me. For the most part, I know when someone is lying, when they’re being dishonest, how they feel etc. this is good and bad at times, because it’s hard for me to be in relationships... I am sensitive to almost everything. I met a man 2 years ago, from the very beginning my gut disapproved. We did the on and off, he would be caught in lies. He would apologize and we would get back. I knew better than to go back with him, but I ignored my intuition and kept trying. Yesterday I received the final confirmation I needed to his lies. I found out more deception and that was the final straw. I am relieved to now know the truth but disappointed in myself for taking 2 years to finally really listen to my gut. This hurts a lot, but as many would say, better I found out now than later. My advise is to always follow your gut. Our gut is there to guide us. It knows life experiences, the past, and has taught us to look out for certain things so that we can be aware.",3.652007385914008,5.067561771300452,4.871173832761804,83.50265101556319,72.54260089686098,8.2963861777895,25.225270377209178,8.841846274778883,1.7682705882352938,877,27,177,17,17,290,129,223,0.125,0.79,0.085,-0.8844,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,6,2,1,2,10,10,0,0,10,0,20,6,5,1,2,40,43,16,0,7,3,0,3,0,0,5,1,2,0,1,9,14,0,2,8,0,0,6,1,4,0,0,9,6,31,6,30,25,6,33,0,2,1,0,22,10,0,3,17,126,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333273549174432,0.0,0.11672854056332115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19399202740340354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792710739827866,0.09733151784782866,0.1421206181380648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20619430980967848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112614881144016,0.0,0.0,0.1300069475676104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113881305862113,0.10476606988118606,0.11402833997138433,0.0,0.0,0.1178831183217342,0.0,0.0,0.38309193124134944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556271240751176,0.0,0.0,0.06090328718232639,0.0,0.0662497147916953,0.09777382433957278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442429214229317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479115622097214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19219233316088205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233720804592823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788988058209988,0.0,0.0,0.09910409035548204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818421421535792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569274744261635,0.08643556600836476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262345170794322,0.1112797547724794,0.0808153232969929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746780622203777,0.0,0.0,0.1251531167832803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270155897050457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876982615346838,0.0,0.11529122829915316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529305236541168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744427596174633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797320960390828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791437334682664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28043997329338444,0.0,0.0,0.19236578004220392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340503489280726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312334208801602,0.0,0.0,0.15013519025241195 bpd,reality-is-so-scary,2020/04/10,"Is there a way to know If I have bpd without actually going to a therapist? Is there a way to know If I have bpd without actually going to a therapist to get diagnosed? I think I might have it but I don't want shit to get real",1.3992000000000004,2.5292891200000014,5.097000000000001,80.78350000000002,77.8,9.0,26.5,9.516144504307137,2.349800000000001,176,7,40,5,4,67,25,50,0.031,0.872,0.09699999999999999,0.6011,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,4,0,7,2,1,0,0,11,15,3,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,8,14,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,30,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.3525975393921601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4550716213862576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18336679422094065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887755047126836,0.0,0.20534726326730765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985727775565358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19165243911956534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056314132323102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18544559883285375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4195219635840808,0.0,0.11576007334043435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655835382961262,0.28680008823265674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3483009103605091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SS37,2020/04/10,"DAE have some really serious confusion about whether you can call your trauma trauma because what ended up happening was your own fault Seriously, looking back, all of my abandonment trauma and feeling like my parents neglected me was really my own fault. Sure maybe I didn't know any better because I was a kid but it's really fucking me up and making me feel like I don't deserve help and therapy. I was acting toxic, people left me, I couldn't ask my parents for help dealing with it because it was my own fault, rinse and repeat. I don't get it. I want to blame others but I know I was at fault too, at the very least. I just want to be able to say I'm not a bad person for once.",4.447634920634922,4.892583985714289,5.900952380952378,80.4618253968254,69.85714285714286,9.07936507936508,28.41269841269841,9.150863307647796,2.2530317460317466,538,18,108,10,9,183,84,140,0.258,0.664,0.078,-0.9631,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,0,1,4,18,1,1,3,0,13,1,0,1,2,24,26,7,0,3,5,2,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,6,5,0,2,4,0,0,1,5,14,0,0,7,4,22,4,12,17,6,9,0,2,1,1,13,5,1,2,5,73,28,0,0.16050081179932604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914605583089557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500465930153882,0.0,0.0,0.12341521714982005,0.13401147372904965,0.2935194154745803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194992507638002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388927391365762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546928939810893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215608008935518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230806591108718,0.2293236240380342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838041423285142,0.08385504973843552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193033781207307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151606218743548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17641409741211853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438460163900502,0.0,0.0,0.1568251788719951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478025874904753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713553818527898,0.0,0.16124463822777987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092812638644905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35643431502532474,0.0,0.0,0.11127105396477922,0.14014311805826368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.308462789690454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763668757370414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15127011567177895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18354666607697745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242997873925094,0.18933507446377104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,anxiousspaghetti,2020/04/10,Sharing experiences and advice between BPD diagnosed people Is there a chatroom or something like that where people can talk to each other?,13.82478260869565,12.567693217391305,12.362608695652176,47.39434782608697,51.60869565217392,14.417391304347825,49.08695652173913,13.023866798666859,7.029730434782609,116,6,13,3,1,37,22,23,0.0,0.7909999999999999,0.209,0.6486,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470516222001413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.447303055601838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604730486207246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474080037310835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350992681217398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4924370580951391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734143047033389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854587102104292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway503191,2020/04/10,"I abused women pt2 I abused women Made a post about this a week ago. Didn’t use a throwaway account and people found it. I’ve learned my lesson I abused women, and I don’t see a point to being alive anymore. I’m too unstable to be trusted to have a car in my name or be around people. I can’t hold down a job. I can barely get through school. I can’t cope with having to explain to people why I got kicked out of high school or why I can’t be friends with women. I legally can’t own a gun. My plan is to jump off a cliff near my house. The fall will kill me. How am I supposed to have any romantic relationships in life anymore? Who decides that they’re ok with being with someone who has hurt women? I don’t want to be with people who are okay with that I can’t deal with my emotions. I just want to die",0.8226136363636378,2.423004215909096,2.6454545454545446,95.68818181818185,80.70454545454545,5.081818181818182,20.659090909090907,5.602791699666715,-0.2029590909090908,626,17,148,3,16,208,100,176,0.157,0.7290000000000001,0.113,-0.9111,1,0,0,1,3,4,14.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,1,0,9,2,23,1,0,3,0,26,33,5,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,7,11,0,1,5,0,1,3,8,2,0,0,4,1,20,4,26,22,1,15,0,1,1,0,13,9,0,2,2,93,27,5,0.0,0.4834187626859269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055716069209604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248571192369824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697539689626389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107020595207772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402116174972274,0.0,0.0,0.14114812822122744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298342890051014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911867051484606,0.10507445361025967,0.0,0.07105519218644127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087728567290623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369309561635216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692751899507215,0.14559246304561602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496054457432138,0.0,0.1504655553847048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606191081745404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868794696386776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3771453787895768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285654163174187,0.0,0.1302518824756676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460147584340689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27528164158361873,0.10837562041076626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523366478636783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746166545120178,0.0,0.0,0.1604344657312992,0.0,0.10909223311907483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454404750665115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ShunoMoon,2020/04/10,"Ranting I don’t know if I have any mental illness or not but I figure you guys will understand. I feel intensely lonely every day and want to die everyday. I just want someone to hug me everyday and tell I’m not crazy and smile and just genuinely enjoy being with me. I have great friends but I have never told them how I feel and I’m embarrassed too so I’m probably never gonna tell them. I watch porn and even though I hate it I cannot stop watching it because it makes me feel less lonely. I am Christian and I pray everyday and I still have these problems. I have anger issues and I often get angry at people on the internet and in video games. I often get angry at my sister and scream and cuss at her and sometimes I hit her. I feel like a bad person my internal monologue is always that I am a bad sinful person who deserves Hell. My friends and family and I laugh about my terrifying weed trip I had a few months ago but I am actually still really terrified by it and I am haunted by the memories every day and every night I’ve never told anyone how I really feel about it. I stay up late every night due to fear of demons and I often question if everything is real, how do I know this isn’t a computer game. Or a drug trip. Or a memory I’m reliving. Or what if I’ve already died and I’m just reliving my life. What if I’m just hallucinating everything and I’m actually just a mental patient in a hospital who has no idea what’s going on so I’ve made up a whole new world in my head. How do I know that I am real. How do I know that I don’t jump to a different parallel universe everyday but don’t realize it.",1.3110287081339749,3.264780166666668,4.047139819245082,84.50538277511963,80.66666666666666,7.654226475279107,22.936735778841037,8.575989854853784,1.6330046783625731,1275,43,267,30,33,452,160,342,0.24600000000000002,0.647,0.107,-0.996,1,4,1,0,0,1,18.0,0,1,2,0,22,19,3,2,12,0,24,6,1,7,3,73,53,40,2,7,19,1,5,1,2,2,3,1,0,3,16,21,0,1,14,3,0,4,11,12,0,0,4,8,46,7,20,45,3,35,5,2,2,2,20,11,1,12,20,179,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.18836790646992968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555402984161205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650583819570608,0.0,0.08030755995437475,0.0,0.0,0.06563297702449601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748498444048713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117067922096798,0.05883417073703511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448737080341928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003330387776508,0.10083681453208433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192585022992048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637467299364961,0.0,0.32526956104762184,0.0,0.17348150954001426,0.0,0.09098501403566224,0.1086053264279342,0.24400243966070395,0.06894977575269365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491332889420414,0.0,0.10084938958120022,0.0,0.05485125356755721,0.0,0.0,0.10640726472600694,0.0,0.09556424855659093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528780767107524,0.09905143076937042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895280299474004,0.0,0.10073576713847388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21216675791172787,0.0,0.10887224039218303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817084557680328,0.047151971197728605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132408553417726,0.06442398914639492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945272602580976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703672703513836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233131416823784,0.09321403198509927,0.0,0.1811441087929629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691080564264021,0.1685449827323143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405864956162307,0.09235107092958776,0.0,0.0,0.10811801111071463,0.0,0.0,0.2197086166953808,0.12365895731515593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177618267794512,0.0,0.0954550282583964,0.0,0.0,0.10287131346322864,0.15415275638737078,0.08069020684934364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871535900553766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482472795774392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18444694032000086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047470342553556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138531713089569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775467631443614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shush-im-not-here,2020/04/10,"Mood fluctuates so intensely its concerning throwaway account bc my partner follows my main so i have issues with mood problems as everyone else, but it gets so intense esp with my partner also being my fp i love intensely, but i also HATE intensely i get vivid violent impulses, never ever towards my partner, but the only thing that concerns me is how angry and rude i can see myself getting towards them i never want to physically hurt them, the violent impulses is towards me just wanting to brutally mutilate myself i feel like breaking up with them, not because i want to do it first to avoid getting hurt... its more to hurt them... like payback its also partly motivated by wanting them to apologize and beg and show how sorry they are (even though they almost did nothing wrong .. just really minor things sometimes) i typically vent privately where my violent thoughts run free, but its getting to the point where i fear i may hurt my partner soon and they dont deserve this one bit sorry if this reads horribly, im on mobile and its really late and i just guess i need some reassurance or something...",6.381155462184871,7.7921647205882385,7.156582633053223,69.70676470588236,66.00980392156863,10.142296918767508,37.12044817927171,10.290406445055957,4.344627170868348,889,46,139,22,14,295,121,204,0.268,0.618,0.114,-0.9925,0,1,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,8,2,17,21,6,2,3,0,10,1,0,3,3,38,27,22,0,7,10,0,1,2,4,1,0,0,0,4,12,9,0,1,3,2,2,2,4,14,0,2,2,3,32,6,17,23,5,17,0,4,2,1,15,8,0,6,8,112,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500289442187063,0.0,0.0,0.27552982482280697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000979522243173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125383411698914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460007858875328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594010979582818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585550120016281,0.10388587950948268,0.0,0.1097414339272634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923504432941366,0.05807020179062864,0.0820468720916305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768898091866676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000146438897046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265171533815206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133878461899881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49178526843239395,0.0,0.1240546981881285,0.11987065238772372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12955265893577209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221709447190327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365409389051834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515775339932664,0.1771545019252991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019899855752446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778234439658018,0.08734648088841951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436834016790108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856773841887428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989327262299282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487829253453763,0.0,0.1471481312747363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915183596394978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841499568516792,0.1135868305374969,0.2571241051016602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525987706010178,0.0,0.11283680390459765,0.0911758587603726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27095944784845943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255673986686532,0.0,0.0 bpd,capnkirishima,2020/04/10,"How can I (22F) let my (25+) BF know or understand when I get anxiety it's not his fault So for a bit of background,a few months back after New years I started dating this guy I met on a discord server. We hit it off,we have common interests,we make wch other happy at times and such. I've been in a handful of relationships,many that were emotionally abusive. And here years later i finally meet one of the sweetest guys in the world. I am finally able to communicate with someone albeit there are still times I panic when something happens. But I've put in more effort into the relationship than in past relationships definitely noticing that. Lately my anxiety has been pretty bad and I'm not sure if it's the quarantine and staying home driving me insane,my hormones acting up or mood swings but for example I'll have this thought that pops up in my head of ""did my bf do that or think this way?"" I'll feel insecure or sad. Or I'll see something that causes me to panic and try talking to him about it. And he gets very worried for me because he doesn't like seeing me in that state where I'm sad,angry,upset,etc. He tries hard to reassure me and he is sweet enough to even research BPD to try to understand how BPD affects someone and how to help them cope. But I'll get worried which worries him cause he wants me to be happy and then he sometimes feels he isn't a good enough boyfriend. I try to reassure him that he is the best person I've dated to not only deal with me when I get in states or anxiety but he's researched and that's more than anyone has ever done. And we are able to talk and communicate properly. Instead in the past if I had a worry or a concern most of my exes didn't care to compromise or said ""that's a you problem."" I don't know what I can say for him to understand it is not his fault if i get worried about something relating to him or get reminded of a past trauma through something i see and have a ""what if"" thought. He's sweet and thoughtful truly. I want him to know how happy he makes me even if at times I get anxious or stressed. I like him a lot. And he gives me this butterfly feeling. I also had to write this on my alt hence my lack of history/posts so people wouldn't find me from the discord. Also,if you see this,I hope you know you're an amazing sweet boyfriend and really appreciate you sticking with me so far. You never gave up and you're patient. I'm really glad I met you :'(",3.330596532787773,4.4602819681274894,4.792188004737807,84.87029342091095,72.94422310756973,7.81746527403898,27.710993862388285,8.27314431278463,1.7786965004845483,1916,71,400,30,37,642,231,502,0.14400000000000002,0.716,0.14,0.6327,0,1,4,0,0,0,47.0,2,6,1,2,23,28,0,4,18,0,28,2,2,9,3,82,70,48,0,11,23,0,5,2,2,1,0,2,1,3,23,23,0,0,15,0,0,3,10,10,0,1,15,14,55,17,54,51,10,53,0,1,4,0,51,19,0,18,29,251,78,2,0.1367600423632202,0.08101914351639758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093669564678248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693158711874966,0.07724996033601915,0.0,0.04781290072486625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258001544184802,0.05709446145125155,0.041683826231899264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176061351804656,0.0,0.07465327286010423,0.0,0.17224448584423355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971798888416647,0.1404902357944917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049679928158578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997650270505325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691832013007963,0.0,0.14130968202490973,0.07626179905977294,0.09032871816622877,0.06185364398886024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372497989751207,0.0,0.0,0.14981394163084846,0.06249810055145756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500801715026769,0.06559634717244375,0.0,0.05735391749900377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541394332281906,0.0604682269024099,0.2183754122074535,0.0612550677737673,0.0,0.07017762936892047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045833686809048785,0.0,0.06859073661129186,0.06791679005453513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031948539746826,0.0,0.07713564231693322,0.0,0.0,0.06992320454637413,0.0,0.06681404868210049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813424871590706,0.0,0.0,0.09128839023658243,0.06932660880943756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054580280523705525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273888782984743,0.06604185056008124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785110733499191,0.0,0.0,0.04633607204151675,0.052006087430380064,0.0,0.16045844311600094,0.0,0.0,0.19582940273556373,0.04740609683971477,0.05970679695541078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548915830827935,0.06956706460306156,0.0,0.0654304453472226,0.0,0.06874080797609915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761198507890396,0.0,0.0,0.1468291044810083,0.0,0.0,0.06504505901100079,0.0543785374167004,0.0,0.0,0.21796009476222455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587634009124455,0.2105691242047116,0.0676295894212266,0.0,0.04839973094238115,0.0728840043282737,0.0546083732457081,0.0,0.078329083231559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444736071935737,0.0,0.0,0.10992254167322396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043815156508935436,0.0,0.162858296087138,0.11961882074568182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18570218319934967,0.0,0.0,0.21355804080307647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05642067880997585,0.08066461631634411,0.05427687798596549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472161537757084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806898342779597 bpd,Throwaway_Drama3361,2020/04/10,"Sense of self and media? Hi everyone. I recently got a BPD diagnosis from a therapist I’ve been seeing, and honestly she’s the first one I’ve been super honest with, so I’m slowly coming to terms with it. One thing I always see with BPD is an unstable sense of self. When I was younger (like middle school) I would binge watch a tv show and then pick up qualities of the main character. I can’t tell if this was me emulating qualities I admired, or actually actively molding myself after them. It definitely felt like I could relate to them so deeply, they also felt like a part of me. I’m curious if anyone’s had similar experiences.",2.3307323076923083,4.782639304000004,4.8688,77.28178461538462,79.96,8.966153846153848,24.81538461538461,9.466822959209583,2.7218923076923085,503,19,94,16,13,177,85,125,0.02,0.774,0.20600000000000002,0.9694,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,2,4,7,0,0,7,0,9,0,0,1,0,15,17,11,0,4,3,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,3,8,5,14,7,12,7,3,9,0,0,3,0,8,2,0,3,9,62,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.16607751632448367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360981169999354,0.14160883718725442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118998387943136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4286879866483032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660063750149555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588010642991993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262053507976987,0.0,0.16647509535185526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268115403067034,0.0,0.0,0.1447605865886572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361137253232215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24943364545719304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306456120822581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18429544157853756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803867981613785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17223786740459365,0.2712332813887276,0.0,0.35508336143900204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487505399116716,0.0,0.0,0.19759969362158225,0.11306437705242856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089563730074453,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,n3verlasting,2020/04/10,"DAE think cluster b's are more interesting? hear me out: someone else said something about bpds having better humor and it got me thinking. is it just me, or are people who are cluster b more interesting? im the type of person who either takes years for someone to become my fp or latches on right away and everyone ive instantly obsessed over has been cluster b and it was because they were just more interesting. is it just me?? or???",2.1146428571428584,4.82628879761905,3.700285714285717,83.49471428571428,83.64285714285714,5.7409523809523835,26.25714285714286,7.1686216300943375,1.5837657142857142,345,15,62,5,10,114,58,84,0.019,0.8140000000000001,0.16699999999999998,0.9222,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,4,6,0,1,1,0,11,0,0,0,0,13,17,6,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,7,5,8,12,4,6,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,3,1,45,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22849131030062975,0.0,0.0,0.1482504543619598,0.26859165415637937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21508772278515909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20315964106992013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23238487400741603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945066217768936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741003620215603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626941746321972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686019742265527,0.21234998265018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20768865763585767,0.23133575835228665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4121195586210768,0.18722470535861652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285365628245046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31166125797824085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566107047818841 bpd,LivingInAnIdea,2020/04/10,"DAE feel like they don't care that they have bpd? Especially during quarantine my parents are all on me about my bpd habits. They say I should be in therapy and everything. But I just dont care about any of it. I dont want to be in therapy because I like how I am. I love with a purpose. And get angry with a purpose. Why should I want to change that if that is how I'm hardwired to be?",0.5853571428571414,2.3108294404761938,2.833571428571432,93.44892857142858,81.97619047619048,6.5809523809523816,22.404761904761905,7.645422480735847,0.7735761904761906,299,10,72,5,8,102,52,84,0.136,0.754,0.11,0.1431,1,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,3,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,12,1,0,2,1,15,20,6,0,5,3,1,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,13,5,11,15,1,3,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,2,50,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239702375184908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971812828836904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.453373509660193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670165596528798,0.0,0.1904019010351196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42188578450501096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176030256673252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100660599781668,0.1285824249193718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940355419755122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17586467048358634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16244488553296932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998537601290928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431325260600379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4116606042494718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123214570584649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240986327253046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,heliotrope_eggplant,2020/04/10,"I can’t stop ruminating and getting explosively angry-sad. I have calmed down a bit but my mind keeps racing onto multiple abusive and belittling comments from over 20-30 different people throughout my life. I keep replaying all of the condescending, bullying, snide remarks said to me over the years, and can’t stop feeling intense scorching pain and anger toward these cruel people. For those who experience this — How do you deal with this? I feel so much pain and anger that I want to puke but can’t. In these moments I feel so far gone, and fantasize myself being violent towards these people. Ive never in my life been violent. I’m a petite docile woman who is known for being a pushover. I’m just so sick of attracting bullies, boundary pushers, and abusers.",6.91354609929078,7.91510375886525,7.090212765957446,72.13333333333334,64.60283687943263,9.954609929078016,35.52482269503546,9.994966539143718,3.761771631205674,614,28,101,13,9,198,96,141,0.36200000000000004,0.578,0.06,-0.9964,1,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,5,9,5,0,5,0,10,5,0,1,2,24,21,13,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,9,8,0,4,4,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,3,4,13,2,16,16,3,15,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,0,5,69,22,0,0.0,0.4117530004471727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897002841503017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17913833303014462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815416118635411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16997005530034498,0.0,0.0,0.2635739520344307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078212567990204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088907138298201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454628350873909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17544748170235264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277331672575008,0.0,0.1340139772015212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697845492302323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613887119645591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528499962865212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29054131233730074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248780830252924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189537002877616 bpd,weekendwarrior72,2020/04/10,"Questions for yall What is the difference between BPD and idk, having ADHD with shitty self esteem? Im impulsive and have mild swings, and feel like i need validation and I do have a mild fear of abandonment (its not bad though, maybe normal?) i have swings from being sad but like a shallow “I cant see myself going anywhere in life so i guess ill shoot up a vial of insulin and see what happens” sad to normal. Haven’t been like that in a while, most of the time I’m normal/stable. Not really hyper sexual but to be fair my standards are way lower than my friends, it is more of a validation thing. I don’t self harm (besides the passive suicide thing which i haven’t done in a long time) and while i like drugs, I’ve never had a substance issue or craved them as an escape. However, i have experienced what seemed (to a therapist too) like 100% BPD, but i was on trenbalone and other steroids so I’m always like a very mild case of that. Idk what Im really asking, but is BPD intense and 24/7? Im a male btw, i know the majority of sufferers are female.",3.3620058139534885,4.559570860465119,4.908299418604654,83.80617005813956,72.95348837209302,7.793604651162791,25.065406976744185,8.278499904357787,1.4795174418604655,825,25,169,13,16,278,126,215,0.182,0.677,0.141,-0.9087,2,1,1,1,0,1,28.0,0,1,1,0,4,14,0,1,15,0,21,4,0,0,1,28,33,19,1,3,7,0,1,6,1,0,4,0,0,3,12,9,0,1,4,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,4,4,16,7,20,27,3,13,0,4,2,0,8,5,0,5,12,108,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647988369201522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449297768369172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616547329465276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481982395894437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4290834367426484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864849175704223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621371844309245,0.0,0.0,0.13169627957832086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778922298617038,0.05742053948276943,0.0811289699898286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773799472865322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454010409762616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510173853336895,0.0,0.10042281657900333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36800049641728816,0.11852959548980598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062410901078192964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021245065130833,0.332884986020771,0.0,0.0,0.10049911167486793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408865066280907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420504820975315,0.0875862900307124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338009926365009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272158289567526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550190667738105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180988989913451,0.10338290401853313,0.2369406091791975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421878581204213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318546484143368,0.15089156679548302,0.0,0.1115744384197932,0.0,0.13243824633750526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370083711138642,0.0,0.09014051249199646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chaosismentality,2020/04/10,"Am I a hypochondriac? I’m losing my mind! Just so you guys know, not asking for a diagnosis!! Just asking if anyone does this. TIA !! About 3-4 days ago I woke up with a stiff neck and back pain. The first night I didn’t really think much of it, thinking I pulled something from yoga. But the past 2 days I’ve spent HOURS convincing myself that I have meningitis and that I’m going to die and it’s driving me crazy. I have looked up symptoms and causes and I’ll feel like I have them but then question if it’s just my mind playing tricks on me. I’m scared I am going to die, almost every second of the day and it’s becoming too much. And I don’t want to go to the hospital/doctor because of this virus going around. Does anyone ever get one symptom of something and then hyperfixate on it and convince yourself you’re dying? I must’ve taken my temperature 20 times today.",1.0956145251396665,3.427308770949722,3.0625111731843577,89.04683938547487,84.19553072625698,5.591173184357542,19.5645251396648,6.961326702584282,0.41350703910614506,686,19,140,9,20,230,110,179,0.11900000000000001,0.807,0.073,-0.873,0,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,1,2,9,8,1,1,7,0,7,5,1,1,1,31,26,16,3,3,8,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,9,11,0,1,5,2,1,6,3,4,0,3,4,2,18,4,17,22,2,25,0,1,1,0,6,5,0,4,15,86,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086029345837148,0.0,0.12523195287761524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174893110072232,0.0,0.0,0.11133207255264077,0.23383296938752265,0.0,0.0,0.09616528477520547,0.0,0.07623689316987932,0.13812162217220994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847355996172202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24196475288208585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38938515537047697,0.0,0.0,0.12800669079442875,0.21888594087022364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131261228926688,0.10537048651469927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323531951778961,0.08934462103051881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063780343666044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533995502472306,0.0,0.28430343156559656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383146251235433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316129619664225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873103782413899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06109918344931557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050209387789173,0.13991286325344213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525547948514399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18387054370590145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736261340477293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474553546232819,0.0,0.1330752371933606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938623526557368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009853728759725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011819152232767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520930421151327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19255832870957407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25997548914426866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602699036028995,0.0,0.0,0.07292490543423881,0.0,0.11854455523275212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376505820850401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,notthesmartestfella,2020/04/10,"feeling pretty stupid How do I stop myself from pushing people away? I've been talking with this girl and I think I messed it up big-time, because she dipped out on me without saying anything so I blocked her on all my socials. I want to fix things but I know I can't now, so all I can really hope to do is stop myself from doing it in the future.",1.1044980694980708,2.9333670945945967,2.884208494208494,93.21310810810814,80.75675675675676,4.769111969111969,21.382239382239387,5.288315135182226,-0.05097065637065645,271,8,59,1,7,90,57,74,0.139,0.74,0.12,-0.0979,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,2,16,12,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,2,14,1,12,11,2,11,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,4,46,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314238483488605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642197284457893,0.0,0.0,0.1714318795841486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219558576295574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793194393815241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455366175148147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949656982007378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28610647630346736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18015965224278005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22364105508260465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866730201987385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4702326437486154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260376461468743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18683309944878126,0.1801973406378967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587352986879314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710904372189933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Sockgreg,2020/04/10,"Finding Purpose (Possible trigger warning {Reflective}) For a lot of my life I’ve struggled with finding Purpose in my life. I’ve never really had friends before and not in the sense of “I don’t have friends, but has like *Actual friends*” but like actually being alone in my own personal life and not feeling like I can ever connect with people. All throughout my childhood & Adolescence I would only find refuge in basketball and Writing poetry/Short stories and it was in a “I can zone out and manifest my own reality” type way. And BPD never shined brighter in my life than it did when I was in middle school. I would actively avoid doing things due to fear of being laughed at or ridiculed or Teased. I always felt as if I was light years removed from being a kid and it’s always been rough. I could never talk to people my age or younger cause I feel I do not relate. It’s been a rough time when it comes to bringing up my Ability to make fiends and retain friends. Sometime I’ll think That friends never want me because they would hang out with others and I would assume they would chose them over me. It’s sad to say because it sounds very hard to ever escape a “Me against the world mentality” Because it becomes comfortable and I feel this weird urge to push others away and do “Wrong” and ruin relationships but a wave of deep and Everlasting sadness reigns over me and causes me to feel as if I’m not Worthy to anyone. I just have lived with that feeling of loneliness my entire life and it becomes more Unsettling to Find a reason to love myself thoroughly. Finding Myself thoroughly insecure has been one of the hallmarks of my life when it relates to finding Purpose and it’s something that ruins me and my vision sometimes. I’ll see a significant other Hanging out with some other People and I’ll feel as if I’m not worthy of their time and sometimes i’ll feel jealous and in my own round-About way, Like I’m not good enough for anyone’s time. It becomes hard for me personally because I often feel as if I want to just wander away from my life and just vanish. Sure that nobody will ever miss me or anything about me, I often wonder how my family and my Older friends would react to me dying only to realize the pain they might feel. I still struggle with feeling worthless. As a college senior I contemplated suicide Twice this semester and recently I wanted to die as I got into a car accident yesterday and I felt so horrible because it’s my car I s Saved Up to buy and it’s just heartbreaking to me right now. I try to tell myself things will get better and I know it happens to us all. But I just feel like a hermit sometimes who’s incapable. Unloveable. And Worthless. I hope you all, if you read this, feel Loved and realize you are not me. You are worthy. You are special. And you are loved. Hopefully you all are doing well during these times. Please be safe and know that even if your physical family isn’t there, you have one here. And I’m happy To be here with you ❤️",4.327086741781137,5.787862322580647,5.237133431085045,81.35751832844576,70.93548387096773,7.9351906158357775,28.836278746720176,8.438071523408619,2.14489779286927,2384,91,445,38,44,779,260,589,0.20600000000000002,0.664,0.13,-0.9933,0,2,1,0,0,1,43.0,1,10,5,1,24,46,3,5,15,0,41,11,0,7,12,139,79,56,3,18,26,0,18,5,6,9,8,2,0,3,31,43,0,3,29,1,1,8,13,20,1,3,11,23,74,26,69,53,11,57,0,8,2,3,35,23,0,20,29,322,105,5,0.0,0.0,0.11186201156135113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05936087806311927,0.0,0.0,0.0953810589970562,0.06210059376432499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015172277666592,0.0,0.04716522109824781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769833791614077,0.0,0.0,0.1746929402817178,0.1898991783936732,0.048770698426182174,0.0,0.0,0.05069030900923811,0.0,0.0,0.07218602129287037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775623588522645,0.0,0.049371650570246825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045761227566541225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896748825120887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05922154004258578,0.0,0.037855904303385104,0.15553363372314774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806264063450403,0.06449511760351424,0.34776119866063165,0.08189145122374268,0.11006244887701863,0.0,0.3143082946354307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656877703497765,0.0,0.0299446328058233,0.0,0.0,0.048072959659871996,0.045839904921314484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050683314398428485,0.061012701715560974,0.10268565881666897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385311591231324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629974627080245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833821132950668,0.14000565292959855,0.0,0.05061004446162603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04872701840158188,0.15518661389973662,0.0,0.03825809371551741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05775986749489882,0.06080197666016565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768189192792146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767602351094671,0.0871810210052997,0.06098701953185056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920465839393685,0.10009019668124627,0.0,0.0629144714169886,0.0,0.06461385849468332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05733033965787576,0.0,0.03671734737642477,0.058929190447040036,0.0565914795703621,0.06153467735428227,0.0,0.0489465511882852,0.0,0.04557905282827953,0.0,0.058005667297165414,0.045672498496498966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044123755860632816,0.2267433274539131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04577169683618836,0.0,0.0,0.11983580825174832,0.0,0.06269312084619548,0.0,0.05401854846446542,0.0,0.0,0.046067488865597375,0.05009568719358185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615485186028867,0.03672502844084918,0.0,0.0,0.13368295186621454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03891300695304537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894268284078944,0.0,0.0,0.047290736791635486,0.10141731415875872,0.09098768766504696,0.0,0.0,0.05153291491079336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215548765272276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442888623953807,0.06266476857205631,0.0,0.03690887102597579 bpd,aidanzsz,2020/04/10,"Is it worth it to hide that youre kind of crazy Is it worth it hiding your intrusive and lowkey psychotic thoughts / experiences with the people you are friends with? Some of my close friends know I’m a borderline because I feel like It would be lying to them if I didn’t let them know ab it. None of them care much or have any problems w being my friend bc of it, but I also know that most likely none of them know about the extent of this disorder and how it influences my behavior and thoughts. I’m only seventeen but I dissociate probably every day and it is very hard to feel comfortable in my life. I am usually able to somewhat recognize when I’m having a psychotic or neurotic thought, but lately I have been consumed by my internal dialogue and it is draining. Do I try therapy again for the third time since it’s unfair to burden any of my friends w these types of thoughts?",5.436761363636363,5.902803244318182,6.204545454545458,79.0768181818182,67.69318181818181,10.490909090909092,33.04545454545455,10.436869588844218,3.388836363636363,705,30,140,18,11,232,106,176,0.151,0.745,0.10400000000000001,-0.8359,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,4,0,5,11,0,0,5,0,16,1,0,2,0,31,30,14,0,3,6,0,3,2,4,1,1,0,0,0,15,8,0,0,10,0,2,0,3,2,0,1,6,3,20,9,19,20,7,8,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,6,8,97,35,1,0.14311392708444307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144481557837914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946447560061865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724092161523016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591418670583794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922966434496778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402095924794693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057965602170533,0.0,0.0,0.1399928820981388,0.0,0.0,0.14472540325253264,0.10224061810464087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4422778602239804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282019682276023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903113209399965,0.3146066862923093,0.0,0.16143874335514402,0.0,0.0,0.14634368670905926,0.1010855990813879,0.1398364716195516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520520330656652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884459050826124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921717731642908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543010188818334,0.13694070026178026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183853193827672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16366324812348065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4544658884970628,0.08345088177465365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716496224543812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15761977170019004,0.11808397794759995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166402766162384,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mourninlight,2020/04/10,"How do you manage idealization? This happens a lot online, but also with strangers irl.",4.300000000000002,7.693530000000003,4.641666666666668,75.14250000000001,82.33333333333334,5.666666666666668,27.5,7.1686216300943375,2.083,70,3,10,1,2,22,15,15,0.0,0.872,0.128,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,9,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5461176510377134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6038892752414609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5805801016857136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,iputthefpininfp,2020/04/10,"My bf isn’t my fp anymore I’ve been with him for 11 months now officially, and it’s a big contrast now since the start of our relationship. I was completely infatuated with him at the beginning, I was so reliant on his validation and approval. I almost felt used by him, I overshared every aspect of my life to him. He knows about my diagnosis and he tries his best to be understanding. My symptoms however seem to come out in full force in romantic relationships. He feels like I need him to survive, he wants me to be emotionally reliant on him. However, I shut myself away and deal with my emotions alone when I split on him. I avoid conflict as much as possible. At one point, I did feel reliant on him and his attention, but not anymore. I’ve gone from being very clingy to pretty distant. I’ve changed a lot these past six months, I moved out of my parents home and started university. I became so much more independent and emotionally resilient. In the meantime, I unfortunately gained a new FP. I feel terrible that it happened, but I know you don’t stop experiencing attraction to others when you’re in a relationship. I experienced some kind of pull towards one of my housemates. Conversations have never flowed so easily with anyone like they do with him. We’re good friends now and I’d never do anything impulsive to mess that up but it’s like he’s become the special person in my life that my bf used to be. I feel very weird about it and I don’t know what to do about it. After splitting on my bf I came to the conclusion that I should probably break up with him for various reasons (the distance, poor communication, the fact that I’ve changed and want something different in life now). But I feel very guilty for thinking that way because he’s been there through some of the darkest times in my life and he’s still around. He’s comfortable and understanding, I know he won’t just abandon me. He’s offering stability and long term commitment. But there’s flaws in our relationship I probably can’t overlook, he’s just hard to talk to. I feel bored a lot of the time, we barely see each other due to distance, I feel like he takes me for granted a lot. He’s invalidated my feelings, he’s awkward around my friends. He calls me “weird” a lot and just generally makes me feel very abnormal and self conscious. Tbh I’m not very attracted to him anymore. I feel like I still hold some resentment towards him for things that happened at the start of our relationship that scarred me. (Pushing me to do things that I didn’t feel ready for when I was vulnerable, not respecting my boundaries). My housemate on the other hand is literally the opposite of my bf, so it was really fascinating that I was attracted to him in the first place. He makes me laugh so much, more than anyone ever has. I forget all the bad things in my life when I’m with him. He’s very respectful of my boundaries and has never made me feel uncomfortable. He doesn’t know about my diagnosis, but unlike my bf he calls me “normal” which is a huge relief when I’ve been made to feel like such an outsider. I find it really easy to talk to him and open up about things (without oversharing). I feel healthy when I’m around him, I feel like a better, more confident version of myself. However, he’s not a very emotional person at all, so I haven’t opened up to him about my mental health issues. But I do think he’s a softer, more open person with me so I think I could slowly if the opportunity came up. He’s very happy go lucky and stable and disciplined, and I think I’m drawn to that because of my chaotic life. Sorry this has been a very long rant about the ridiculous situations I end up in. I probably will break up with my bf. I don’t know what to do about my FP/crush since I don’t know if he’ll reciprocate. I don’t wanna risk losing him completely.",4.66364813195052,5.805157656953642,5.751090840934648,79.2025278020742,69.78145695364239,9.194801949269023,30.00687242284144,9.50408208654531,2.630943771085843,3041,119,603,66,53,1010,292,755,0.113,0.7170000000000001,0.16899999999999998,0.9943,6,2,1,0,0,0,77.0,4,1,1,9,38,38,2,3,29,0,40,9,1,8,8,133,97,44,0,9,17,1,18,7,8,4,8,0,1,4,30,42,0,6,35,0,1,9,19,13,0,4,17,21,108,25,103,71,22,91,0,2,1,0,75,45,0,12,41,396,138,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05017655431767706,0.05189742824170663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908288776922948,0.0700742377299094,0.0,0.041235132587624665,0.13382191183738226,0.0,0.0,0.04707870693734382,0.0,0.04183861263530713,0.06109151096426211,0.05534104450277528,0.0,0.0,0.052585915255843454,0.04431701080229327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233302650217624,0.11462184622770395,0.0,0.0,0.10601657179323604,0.043164147435951164,0.1050758894529832,0.0,0.0,0.040007663319294666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05165979680340097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05235285280149539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254618552259173,0.04438137275198822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045326124201061,0.04221868156325718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800464304442527,0.1789880748131103,0.048112142450352335,0.0,0.04579837961423821,0.04262237469713479,0.0,0.0,0.07742760578083674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028477888927026032,0.042028741078624914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862179124936218,0.0533415679220428,0.04488748973881346,0.0,0.0,0.05326313002638245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0502630410464676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05230039061942221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05218042675255016,0.19276874642723607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21235924163591796,0.17136381719403845,0.0,0.0,0.088689120650084,0.0,0.05605873917528697,0.0,0.1704022597670808,0.0,0.09482799371217167,0.06689579864887933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05049771291084367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999246008502832,0.05325754315040649,0.11050682487595093,0.03715491388710701,0.11594059262371055,0.04839522666592228,0.0,0.0,0.04909581788946914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790980840906795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563970315865189,0.0,0.04783435681499135,0.0,0.1312587676290766,0.05235285280149539,0.0,0.04736885146506377,0.056489950857566675,0.0,0.0509784906297435,0.16207673323978336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642017423889059,0.05152001675775784,0.0,0.26898957752737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0399300901651278,0.0456170143937135,0.052274228906575716,0.0,0.0,0.0829007523439253,0.056324199083358825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03857607111365302,0.0,0.05609250832718174,0.10640143770934814,0.0,0.08003363257300215,0.04189305801961637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052082052353923436,0.0376754533256294,0.08055083670210551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315978767951026,0.12843034607116144,0.0,0.0,0.05843748970693567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034020470247548486,0.0,0.0,0.10432970107434908,0.0,0.08655553480820717,0.0,0.37210380460991693,0.059110735956704887,0.03977389777198538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048302930755482656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,stinkygrill,2020/04/10,"Haven’t slept in days I’ve (22f) never had insomnia so badly it’s lasted 4 days. Legit 4 whole days, and idk when I’m crashing. I don’t know if there’s a trigger for it, honestly I’m so out of it I can’t remember much of anything. Shadow people are really wild when you haven’t slept. None of my anxiety medication or antipsychotics are making me feel sleepy, or even rlly working. I feel strange. I’m not sure what else to put, if someone has questions or needs more info pls lemme know. I’d like to sleep & go back to normal somewhat. Thank u kindly",0.8501204013377937,3.1468516173913064,3.0460869565217408,88.97963210702343,85.0,5.973244147157192,21.02006688963211,7.321109707123232,0.8017290969899671,436,14,90,7,13,148,83,115,0.083,0.792,0.125,0.5532,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,1,7,6,0,0,1,0,8,5,3,2,2,22,21,10,0,4,6,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,7,0,0,2,7,1,0,0,3,2,6,5,9,18,5,12,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,7,9,48,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088275840053177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474412476032651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860394521190432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820081574550226,0.16092512888254526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728931271051536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610048154436895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729921820093487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19490455330882944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953537073112918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007031632118244,0.21184351289309852,0.15710421638037494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416026635536276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865167295469854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941595775064871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141681921040853,0.14291007586749713,0.1486486097847982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18883873828047154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361772840721473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19375125190539053,0.21590657750671866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234705576697334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183304433695725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19287353702883425,0.0,0.163303186418027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816498407425669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774438916627825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215181015025984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031289977157668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,saybruh,2020/04/10,How do you cope with the early stages of splitting? Potential trigger warning. I can’t seem to break the cycle. I find someone I like. We get a little personal in talks. I wind up overvaluing her because I completely undervalue myself and then i just figure nothing romantic will come of it and start pushing them away while simultaneously divulging every traumatic part of my past hoping they somehow are strong and “good” enough to look past the giant trunks behind my back carrying all the baggage I’ve collected throughout the years. I can’t stop it either it’s like i know I shouldn’t do it. I don’t want to but I can’t help vomiting my trauma out to them to tell them it’s not my fault I flipped my shit and telling them It has nothing to do with them. I just keep going around in circles telling them how awesome they are and how they don’t have to but I also can’t stop vomiting out all the shit I’ve experienced and pushing them away. I know reasonably that they shouldn’t be expected to deal with it and almost expect them to leave because it’s too much for them to deal with but I can’t keep it in it’s like this giant stress abscess I have to keep draining before it gets worse. Almost like ocd (I imagine).,2.955454545454547,5.050894426229512,4.017421758569299,86.01379284649778,76.04918032786884,6.895380029806259,26.2548435171386,7.84624498591911,1.562596721311476,976,37,192,15,22,316,124,244,0.13,0.753,0.11599999999999999,-0.6696,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,1,13,1,12,12,2,1,7,0,19,4,2,5,2,50,33,16,0,6,7,0,0,4,0,3,2,0,0,1,13,16,0,5,7,0,0,4,10,5,0,0,0,2,40,7,29,29,6,28,0,0,1,0,24,12,2,5,14,136,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24013031626078996,0.0,0.0,0.09588608516708508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673875627477132,0.0,0.0,0.22530492457571336,0.09219771677978307,0.0,0.14618305350163913,0.0,0.10202830185709877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032854937517177,0.12571562011801754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472286810654621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389146267922742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102313215563848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958882620128736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528834457996452,0.0,0.06814342442878005,0.1005686323472548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036820149030822,0.0,0.0,0.11909036011914753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197248844584183,0.0,0.0,0.131790692953355,0.0,0.0,0.12695956634167585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23431346246430204,0.12017392889018125,0.0,0.0,0.10068800599009993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814222488067912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23009960321666706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984285746667304,0.2289212439218587,0.0,0.10469434649769473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327986732085283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915484574611724,0.0,0.0,0.2461566411677285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159310429478732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486769446803576,0.0,0.0,0.2004879252507393,0.1373480507891899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637318741481148,0.3144005351365854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072167425958037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219101751793185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721335875357019 bpd,schulmans,2020/04/10,when was your “this isnt normal” moment? NSFW i’ve always wondered other people’s moments when they realized that what they were experiencing wasn’t normal. mine was when i tried to kill myself when i was 8. i don’t even remember what the episode was about but i remember afterwards thinking that a lot of my friends don’t relate to how hard i struggle.,2.952919254658384,5.483928971014496,4.3296480331262925,81.57782608695653,78.1304347826087,6.8414078674948255,25.799171842650104,7.957251820313856,1.8260128364389243,285,11,51,5,7,94,48,69,0.115,0.821,0.064,-0.3071,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,2,0,7,3,1,1,2,0,9,0,0,1,0,10,11,6,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,6,2,11,1,4,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,7,40,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014019796196345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15986935240944455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18700443418513985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21682601537126767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677884593474785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057791781771648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4743081257743949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16780448468398831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5483827329978707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530394321996985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509354807651454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16433360492543536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624889760946871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kittypawprints4me,2020/04/11,"New interesting person is now taking over my life (sorry don't know if this is the right tag lol) So I'm kind of new to learning about my BPD. I have sort of ignored it for sometime after my last therapy session so please bare with me. But since quarantine, I've started talking to a wonderful new person for about a month. He's absolutely wonderful and I have honestly not clicked so fast with someone before since I was in elementary school (so you can imagine that this feels odd) but HOLY SHIT am I overthinking ever little detail. We speak everyday since I'm basically obsessive right now and talk to no one else (yes that's unhealthy ik) but whenever he talks with someone else there this horrible jealousy of attention I feel. I'm usually just jealous of my close friends' attention so I'm not used to being so jealous of someone new in my life and I hate it. Every hour I have to scroll through his social media, looking through all of the people he follows and finding every detail I can find out. I realize how absolutely creepy this is and I want to stop but how do I distract myself from this when he's all I think about?? I stayed up all of last night scrolling through all of his friends' social medias. I hate it honestly. He didn't speak with me that much today since he's with his friends right now and my brain keeps thinking that he's going to lose interest and I don't know what to do.",4.209281416537735,5.730243797833937,5.060422898401239,82.27554753309269,71.31046931407944,8.30868145091972,30.51899604607186,8.841846274778883,2.4950324565927464,1120,48,216,21,21,364,144,277,0.175,0.72,0.105,-0.9784,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,1,0,1,18,17,5,2,4,2,16,4,2,3,5,51,38,21,0,2,8,0,2,0,3,0,2,2,0,2,13,15,0,3,15,0,0,2,6,9,0,1,2,6,29,8,36,35,5,34,0,1,2,0,24,10,1,4,21,134,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119824253478937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201823687932532,0.10652401692655136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594279288315095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631588310813443,0.16079657579495205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649782575827644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17443042620582225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211715303610156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05423128880130624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18842160501177194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397277811811784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481665786232324,0.0,0.09936873481894268,0.10488435517865012,0.15556553236744936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348006681288146,0.0,0.09563926525064033,0.0,0.0,0.08013158096249959,0.10675432023217643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616600752805808,0.0,0.07014714175524987,0.0,0.0,0.368641863959737,0.0,0.08954834976111471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466133149319331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661545359262369,0.16663997703005234,0.0,0.104746183136927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444730583862781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657352454602194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795069744021068,0.3157407245831603,0.0,0.0,0.19454417663043572,0.2425556842240929,0.0,0.0943761330566886,0.10681862783003497,0.06754113822687828,0.10170859455240902,0.0,0.0797781933223149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717464835703927,0.2300930223219465,0.0,0.0,0.109124916880664,0.0,0.0,0.12228685922759895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045017818107444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241513648648109,0.10509533864655572,0.0,0.056283164126741135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20696510503874566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,restrada98,2020/04/11,"I keep desperately trying to help someone else with BPD, but I have it as well and it’s so draining The title of the post basically says it all. There’s a person I met with BPD that needs a lot more emotional support than I can give right now and it’s mentally exhausting how often they need me to talk to them. But I understand their situation and I don’t want to be rude and cut them off when they’re in such a dire situation. I’m well on my way to recovery, but this person I’m talking to has done no specialized therapy and is relying on me to be a psychotherapist when I’m not trained to be. What’s even more frustrating to me is that despite my many efforts to be a kind person and offer advice when they’ve asked for it, they never take it and always seem to ask the same questions. Almost as if they’re waiting for me to give the answers they WANT to hear instead of the truth. They say that they’re on the brink of harming themselves and I don’t want them to do that, but I feel like I’m losing my sanity more and more every time I try to help them out. I need some other perspectives on what to do. Any thoughts would be appreciated because I feel so torn between knowing what they’re going through but also wanting to preserve my own mental health.",6.7216153846153865,5.379873161538463,7.4138461538461575,77.53115384615388,65.46153846153845,10.615384615384617,33.846153846153854,9.661875296680813,2.9014615384615388,1002,36,209,17,13,335,139,260,0.124,0.74,0.136,0.0497,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,9,2,15,13,3,0,11,0,16,2,0,1,3,46,44,24,0,9,7,0,2,1,0,1,2,3,0,3,15,12,0,2,8,0,0,1,5,6,2,0,3,5,28,7,36,35,9,18,0,1,0,0,26,9,0,7,7,148,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834344467795587,0.0,0.0,0.11102291710782804,0.0,0.0,0.0886647971074005,0.09225490473045107,0.0,0.0,0.07539718609319944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20730187289148805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067586922318695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792803765137313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346118818720766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926198502283304,0.12471677860363578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323032228236538,0.0,0.09341496735554014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121210597741222,0.07920742451725064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127182469320116,0.0630114671034174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117852414344427,0.12496150487502948,0.0,0.14863116512907654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854868222465817,0.0,0.11545677603371285,0.06093269441020065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054166763542197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403810578987105,0.0,0.09425993981835773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240743827485536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22346705431944636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466319368117827,0.0855118024698631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904290953479183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061853254707017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242027129243076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468461483319794,0.0,0.1763407209184751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093427252248824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24925094881589102,0.0,0.0,0.0939420142569382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581693946292816,0.0,0.0,0.08336241474631496,0.17823043028272395,0.0,0.0,0.12679250783402915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880204786173001,0.06465071848742912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055046723016058,0.0,0.0,0.11542231139396195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26158218425102003,0.08800552798896914,0.0,0.0,0.19937560792754094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876073077811561,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dinojenson,2020/04/11,"DAE get jealous/upset/angry when their FP talks about their life before they knew you? Like my FP mentioned when we were driving somewhere that “down that road is where we had the after party at prom” and idk why but it made me so upset that he’s had a life before he knew me? It’s I feel like he should have been living under a rock until he met me. Even though I know it’s totally irrational to think like that but still, does anyone else get this?",0.7256598240469181,3.080993569892474,1.9180254154447736,96.36976539589443,86.41935483870968,4.242033235581624,14.906158357771261,5.565023196281405,-0.8807548387096773,354,6,76,2,11,112,66,93,0.096,0.794,0.11,-0.1849,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,2,1,3,0,8,4,0,1,3,0,7,2,0,1,1,13,16,8,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,8,1,12,3,7,7,1,11,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,0,8,48,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578973914928646,0.24294269334155055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.403518781136377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20749269668389397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19807129290275172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660600377127998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988770882450725,0.16938827846247276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477557656811288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303070295635726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349493757602153,0.3475134388809084,0.0,0.20936857696761768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243550390399865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893528277623266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905764891310236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192768600679554,0.23295503501049536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21395091251631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,somewhereheremaybe,2020/04/11,"My partner wants to know more about BPD to better understand how to approach my issues and “quirks”. I need help finding educational material! I’m really sorry this is annoying or has been asked before. Im in a relationship that’s actually going pretty well. My partner is very healthy and gentle with me, it’s something I’m not used to. I mentioned in the beginning of dating that I have BPD. I’m not ashamed of it anymore and I always bring it up so someone can decide if they can handle it or not. I honestly just feel it’s fair at this point in my life. My partner and I recently were discussing our relationship, with how hard everything has been in life, my mental health has been slipping quite a lot. As a result, I’ve needed more reassurance and validation than ‘normal’. While they have done their own research and looked into BPD, I think we’re all aware of the misconceptions and misinformation that’s out there. Just the other night I googled BPD and a suggested search was “Can people with BPD truly love?”, and that was one of the more..kinder ones. That being said, my partner has been asking for articles or other material to help them understand the disorder. I’d really appreciate it if anyone could offer me healthy/unbiased material if possible! Videos, articles, even podcast episodes would work! I’ve been looking myself but I find a lot of stuff demonizing folks who have it, sadly. I’m really happy my partner wants to learn and understand. I just want to help them. :) Much appreciated!",4.621853499406882,6.886476195729539,5.8993816725978645,73.6207925563464,71.74021352313167,9.09614472123369,29.14605575326216,9.621722640351123,3.070142230130488,1205,49,207,31,24,403,157,281,0.047,0.8029999999999999,0.151,0.9808,0,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,1,0,5,3,10,9,1,1,10,0,24,4,0,4,1,53,49,22,0,11,13,0,2,0,5,1,3,1,0,5,18,15,0,0,10,1,0,3,3,3,1,2,10,5,27,6,27,36,7,17,1,1,2,1,26,9,0,8,5,145,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.0898047791408055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765735822008609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126575295779693,0.06434720475025411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720650739451602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830793921140923,0.0,0.0,0.08139013310442972,0.0,0.0,0.5795220029370091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347582753902941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547056509065304,0.0,0.0,0.09417525979399503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060782764008788126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827076593949488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046531461997312736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682214637354178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05230089142618513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979641278727532,0.08243784267996475,0.0,0.0,0.09782007323881796,0.0,0.0,0.1850506611091499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940462227325272,0.09605196011343274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958316412129546,0.05057546477091921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000235221797887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455849227862384,0.0,0.0,0.15647561007229116,0.083057685043397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274126347596903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676502094250464,0.1364732562963736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636081903584235,0.09016662181303886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247193401686818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379972295153054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699497226798514,0.10374627115243357,0.0,0.09362423283302856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788171773826183,0.0,0.0,0.1768639715530733,0.0,0.09086525895845224,0.197604460430116,0.0,0.0,0.08753846068152221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797391988898464,0.07084664569532959,0.0,0.1030163505223238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534854838305184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05896699017005279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874091044317648,0.0,0.07948151704537501,0.0,0.07593166104740648,0.16283918681519202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274305061119933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699652986668428,0.0,0.0,0.06537312363021963,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ian_idyll,2020/04/11,"She's moving on without me I was alone for 15 years before I met my ex. Then she dumped with a text 6 months ago because I couldn't control my temper. Now she's posting in a queer cruising group on FB. I'm going to die alone while she's living a perfect life. I'm 42yo. I'm trans. I'm black. Nobody wants that. I can't eat or sleep or shower. I can't concentrate. On top of everything else, I'm about to be fired. I'm losing everything. I'm worthless. I can't deal with it anymore. Everyday is worse. I have nothing left to live for. I don't know what to do. 😔😖😡",-1.8161152882205516,0.08377311111111041,1.1375856307435264,98.71823308270679,99.63492063492063,3.9224728487886384,16.949039264828738,5.750287758089431,-0.5387396825396822,436,13,105,4,19,151,81,126,0.17600000000000002,0.742,0.08199999999999999,-0.8975,1,2,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,4,2,5,2,0,3,0,10,4,1,1,1,10,21,4,1,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,2,1,1,1,1,0,3,6,4,0,0,2,2,15,1,15,17,0,17,0,2,1,1,8,6,1,2,7,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630941798983456,0.0,0.0,0.3811119711987038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246656643917533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215732145078793,0.0,0.1565601589836313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20635808445565626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896834550237552,0.0,0.0,0.19095040132225746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882655632676078,0.15369828893524418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33071293752423564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045645685370837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111494294121984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19990340118186128,0.0,0.1299561011083753,0.0,0.0,0.3249293884553903,0.0,0.0,0.20583540758998745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468573934051855,0.1955500295382651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765413606125084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620955761259438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841207826022335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852083553420548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773577783966422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874993975276877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848218094475743 bpd,godspeed-sweetdreams,2020/04/11,Can I talk to someone? Feeling awful and need reassurance/validation,5.726363636363633,9.288009363636368,8.009545454545453,47.43431818181818,91.72727272727272,9.472727272727274,41.86363636363637,8.841846274778883,6.495509090909092,57,4,6,2,2,20,11,11,0.261,0.609,0.13,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34329067029338106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5034227769783822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.575260653225076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5457034031046112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,capndeadasfvck333,2020/04/11,"self harm trigger warning sorry if this is long, also double sorry bc mobile. 22f misdiagnosed bipolar for nearly 7 years, but rediagnosed 2 years ago with borderline. (just some background) struggling. idk if it's this time for us rn (quarantine and COVID) or just me as a person, but I am fucking struggling with these goddamn mood swings. I can not for the life of me pick a feeling. :( yesterday I got so frustrated I punched myself in the face.. twice. I haven't cut myself since November and that's a good amount of time for a clean streak of no cutting for me. did I just ruin my progress? am I really that bad...? it's scary to look at yourself and see the monster you are. especially when you know most people see this sweet smiling girl. I feeling like a fucking clown. the mask I used to out on everyday is getting worn out and the real me is starting to show through.. I came on here just because I have nobody I can think of that I know, that would even understand BPD or anything. I don't mind advice, but I'm more intrigued to see if anyone can relate? p.s. pls don't be mean I'm sensitive",2.211587767071641,4.556391400921662,3.482624633431086,87.66211876832848,79.69124423963133,6.157436112274822,25.53183912861332,7.348242739294969,1.329729953917051,862,34,169,12,22,280,138,217,0.19399999999999998,0.6809999999999999,0.126,-0.9470000000000001,0,1,0,0,0,1,34.0,1,2,0,1,9,14,5,2,10,0,16,5,1,3,0,37,37,16,0,4,13,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,1,3,10,9,0,0,7,1,0,1,5,10,0,1,4,7,24,3,24,31,5,18,0,1,4,2,6,7,2,7,11,112,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150884603375447,0.12836731428693648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580629690868655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125608604713038,0.0,0.11916813564352853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091217252827882,0.08827619809135998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823859483045016,0.0,0.0,0.16562662542613069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956471195064921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644284046790926,0.10345389399477348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26775316689396195,0.07565841908313607,0.0,0.0,0.12146163728566353,0.11581957807789417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591700411103742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228516851356342,0.07074794626498633,0.0,0.0,0.12815427642042285,0.12160581065036292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15774298374865892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621908220701813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039457443468427,0.12644446328209105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482803383486178,0.09277042979423017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461898218184227,0.0,0.15107074986995986,0.0,0.0,0.11979018230726315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242108959739567,0.10249884961300712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30277839306528226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278983685108058,0.0,0.0,0.16888236469872264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507546500894251,0.17419129581277798,0.12507128103449078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287046122924352,0.0,0.0,0.18650867085774692 bpd,_throwwawayy_,2020/04/11,"Paranoia in relationships How does anyone else manage anxiety and paranoia, especially in relationships? It seems like based on my past experiences, anytime I felt anxious/paranoid in a relationship, and I looked into it, turns out I was right. Usually about my partner cheating, lying, etc etc. Now anytime I get that nagging feeling now, I really struggle to not go into crazy stalker mode and prove myself right. It's just hard not to when it seems like any time I follow my gut instinct, I've been right.",6.135604395604397,8.221046516483518,6.596483516483519,70.92351648351651,67.35164835164835,8.716483516483517,34.97802197802198,9.23628265651192,3.5864021978021983,407,20,63,8,7,132,64,91,0.2,0.7120000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.8707,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,2,1,1,0,2,1,1,1,1,15,11,5,0,0,3,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,3,4,10,2,10,8,2,18,0,0,1,0,4,10,0,2,8,40,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633600421344304,0.0,0.11962154436955695,0.17665199965554118,0.0,0.10933655481038852,0.1602181006051494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368392080242412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062589327874846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487846270118147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529584871032085,0.0,0.0,0.07906465812808447,0.0,0.1501383695486963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169613509552681,0.0,0.08886787396974981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007554391230267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278759048465745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131023428306748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927151390159674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017372365409148,0.0,0.0,0.5036440433376237,0.0,0.4006137678429607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847041855107161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634704029216315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911797830887678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17008412499819947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17221791176434909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,recovering4life81,2020/04/11,"Miss Diagnosed So my current diagnosis is Bipolar1 which I was given by 2 different psychiatrist. I don't think I am bipolar, I think I have BPD. Is this a common problem for people that have BPD. I can see how it can be hard to distinguish the difference but I go up and down with my emotions, and have always had a hard time fitting and being comfortable in my own skin. I have abused drugs most of my adult life and I think that has further complicated getting diagnosed properly. Currently I take Suboxone and I am slowly getting stable on my current dose. I have been in therapy for 2years+ now and we work with a dbt. Any input or advice would be appreciated. Sorry for word vomit, and stay safe in these trying times.",3.018098663926004,5.54230682733813,4.751207605344298,78.68267985611514,77.84892086330936,8.000205549845838,27.914182939362803,8.841846274778883,2.64361829393628,575,25,103,14,14,194,95,139,0.085,0.8029999999999999,0.11199999999999999,0.8271,4,0,1,0,1,0,13.0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,0,20,8,1,1,0,22,30,11,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,1,7,0,0,1,6,10,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,4,18,2,14,22,2,17,0,1,1,0,2,8,0,2,7,76,24,1,0.0,0.1899115894936224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662870836705298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333700124765934,0.0,0.0,0.10899933916067332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4037468512805208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253719296781606,0.0,0.334927551525276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858797857897641,0.0,0.0,0.1802991219492001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674846596552433,0.0,0.0910936949997991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871678662735131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321408009760968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112148082257492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337115819610855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772644293041993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17942600515169546,0.0,0.17084255041329965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051441955611478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18329993837369765,0.0,0.0,0.30811258877994663,0.0,0.0,0.1869270182757684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882303630094108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668943475531544,0.0,0.0,0.1138619098597982,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,truebeaans,2020/04/11,"I’m being petty about twitter. Am I overreacting? Hi. I’m embarrassed to write about this, because it seems so stupid, but I’ve felt angry and pissed off about it for the past week. I need some perspective. My friends and I (we’re 23) have kept twitter accounts since high school, and we all follow each other. We retweet anything that we find interesting/cool/whatever from their timeline that may pop up on our feed. Something I’ve realized is that my best friend never, ever retweet’s anything from my timeline. I always RT from hers (not on purpose, but because I find something interesting), and she used to RT from mine a year or so back. But she’s just stopped. Now. She still RT’s from our other friend, so she hasn’t stopped all together. But she never does from me. The thing is - the stuff I RT are very similar in many ways to the things she RT’s, so I honestly don’t think it’s because she genuinely doesn’t find the stuff I RT interesting. I even purposefully retweeted things she usually would, and she still didn’t retweet anything of mine. I feel angry. It’s just weird that she refuses to RT from my timeline. Makes me feel like subconsciously she views me as lower than her, and doesn’t want to ever be inspired by me, or “learn” from me. I know it sounds ridiculous but what other reason would there be. There has to be a subconscious viewing of something??! I thought she might have muted my RT’s, but she randomly liked one of them. But that was once in a blue moon. I don’t know why but I feel absurdly angry over this.",2.222326158940397,4.700342205298019,3.0555256622516573,89.96520902317883,80.58940397350995,6.2915562913907275,24.6692880794702,7.531066641456977,1.2322546357615898,1214,46,246,19,32,383,150,302,0.11699999999999999,0.755,0.127,0.7991,1,0,3,0,0,0,44.0,5,0,2,1,18,15,3,1,8,0,22,2,1,3,6,60,39,21,0,4,13,0,4,2,3,4,0,1,0,0,21,10,1,4,16,0,1,1,9,5,0,1,5,8,48,10,31,26,5,24,0,0,3,0,28,8,1,7,16,170,69,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527492732833877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826764386857529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804505409011243,0.0,0.20939826877738704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016289926205467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002015672731252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562756315307588,0.20714742606695405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17368712026478056,0.08180032960626997,0.10993998104655757,0.0,0.3139585599590478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653921363243049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097776484639505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585472932444608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187989354436344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643104693520321,0.11608716679175747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214686431169824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490186303281345,0.1766221707092024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194100922698432,0.0775895924513502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930521930178376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772723843489424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588224736611065,0.0,0.10423841970913267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471732786418208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26444795291305584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18288306444142927,0.19145778051400125,0.0,0.0,0.2621550410169632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22821034028087303,0.07336832810675903,0.0,0.09090188460083903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988930587128662,0.12610789641690678,0.09447623162300443,0.06753631058348987,0.09088644455424306,0.09184668524425364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332034378207414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626780261306792,0.0,0.0,0.07373560414923475 bpd,humanprototyp,2020/04/11,"Trans people with BPD in Germany Did you face any additional obstacles during your transition because you were also diagnosed with BPD? I don't have an official diagnosis with BPD yet but doctors and therapist told me, they suspect that I have it. Should I wait with getting diagnosed (and with that receiving help for it) after I transitioned by law and medically? (idk if the flair is correct, if not please tell me so I can change it)",5.842916666666667,7.7044981250000015,6.572499999999998,71.6891666666667,67.75,10.833333333333336,34.583333333333336,10.864195022040775,4.359458333333333,350,17,59,11,6,115,60,80,0.091,0.865,0.044000000000000004,-0.4316,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,8,5,1,0,1,18,11,8,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,11,0,9,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,2,2,45,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149836752722531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274155008208826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421675001947255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7079438415438029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982086886918391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.380345676333766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177733503263544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978911521579544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558767325283993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887518231039445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298961923988882,0.0,0.0,0.20567191904988116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376639410888175,0.0,0.0,0.21754670148183575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790365174733808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheCoolBossMann,2020/04/11,"I want to help a friend who doesn't want to hear about BPD. I recognise a lot of BPD symptoms in my friend who's diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. I told her her I think she should bring it up to her therapist but she told me she doesn't like me ""analyzing and diagnosing her"". How can I talk to her about this without judging or diagnosing her?",3.2603286384976538,5.135451676056341,4.813732394366198,81.62698356807516,74.49295774647888,9.240375586854462,28.734741784037556,9.725611199111238,2.758603755868544,283,12,59,8,6,95,46,71,0.087,0.789,0.124,0.1243,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,1,0,12,11,4,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,1,4,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,17,3,11,8,1,3,0,0,0,0,18,2,0,2,1,43,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351447842112878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4449953823519701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.537920007776604,0.0,0.0,0.2024682160536317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27297489836100824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19910920106628854,0.0,0.11841179638480676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630738741518272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501904232712228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836178815600634,0.0,0.14199300262422376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051164342235392,0.0,0.1131969028090537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33761331989679905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083978572900609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702943992719983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TJ-free,2020/04/11,"Favourite songs seem to reflect where my life is at at the time. Not sure if a BPD related thing, but does anyone else find a song that happens to describe the exact situation their life is currently in and it suddenly coincidentally becomes a new favourite? I’ve done this for at least 2 years consistently that i’ve noticed. If i listen to one of my favourite songs from say a year ago i can remember the exact emotions i had and why it was a favourite and how it described what troubles i was facing. Just a random thought i had while walking and listening to my current favourite.",9.493125,7.5002113482142905,8.844214285714287,71.55078571428574,60.51785714285714,11.817142857142857,43.82857142857142,10.355215969177356,4.462422857142856,469,24,88,8,5,149,74,112,0.054000000000000006,0.946,0.0,-0.6685,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,9,0,8,3,1,1,3,19,13,9,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,8,4,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,6,6,9,1,11,7,1,15,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,4,9,59,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809864835812896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276206569151212,0.2091987171465949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254923374605595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571479478372936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867261355554506,0.20893921775479213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055981313489565,0.22966643112661525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660984381317045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805489491417016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884259606835665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971909435551972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324515921648501,0.0,0.0,0.13835247935997627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312874898813018,0.0,0.0,0.16236606048153648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858708540113405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294982940964109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924300388634748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564304780197448,0.0,0.0,0.16209005248875585,0.1190545486423146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842338035160837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629606195585799 bpd,Fallinrunner,2020/04/11,"I just don't want to be angry and sad all the time I've been super aggressive and upset for months now and I'm exhausted. I have no desire to hurt people but I think my obsessive nature has made me this way. I try to delete my accounts and block my friends as a way to force myself to stop being like this but I always come back. The person that I care about the most but makes me the most angry is probably really worried but I've ignored them for a month now. I dont know if I should go to them or ignore them. My friend tells me I'm should avoid them for my sake and theirs. As my obsessive nature also really hurts when it comes to them. I yelled at my last partner and pretty much ended my relationship there because I scared them so badly. My anger, I feel comes from always feeling terrible and depressed. It's like I want to be this bad person as an excuse to not have desire for friends or loved ones. It doesn't help that if I snapped I could end up being extremely dangerous. I dont want that to be me.",2.924150943396228,4.098840424528305,4.271839622641512,88.03530660377363,74.0,7.3754716981132065,22.212264150943398,7.865858978985527,0.8537962264150942,798,19,172,11,16,264,117,212,0.31,0.529,0.161,-0.9889,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,7,1,9,26,3,5,7,0,17,2,0,2,1,42,34,21,0,10,10,0,2,2,4,2,1,1,0,3,9,10,0,5,4,0,1,4,6,18,0,1,2,3,36,8,21,24,4,19,0,4,0,1,18,2,0,6,13,120,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063543203527586,0.20942048023131948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676437456625316,0.21014485473620967,0.07671183321197488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830383433140072,0.0,0.0,0.3252040252316689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047422783653023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838713181021904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29497068935036114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229165008710063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272585249019873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916745790165528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715186457534871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434892992848568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694319371184538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915921794324129,0.10257764886985553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229596373951809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113576900732315,0.11907430545840945,0.08400020342493535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008910291921888,0.0,0.09250800954028812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527348258223771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872426771421466,0.21975995313787344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802608443830435,0.13567846150348994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16123462249729,0.0,0.0,0.13510671634303012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259893322234164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520916012112956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999105042356117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063417594083194,0.0,0.0,0.07337921247924882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854381434746174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226737976934535,0.19977430997636053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779818977636093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway248394,2020/04/11,"BPD bf broke up with me, reeling from the breakup. Need help. As the title suggests, after two years of being together my bf decided to dump with no warning whatsoever. He has been struggling with bpd for a long time, with me having to patiently dealing with his meltdowns, occasional fights. He can get extremely cruel when he is going through it but I love him and am stubborn af. Overall he has been an extremely kind and loving person. But ever since the lock-down started for COVID-19 he was changing. He had started insisting that I am lazy and put no effort in my looks to look pretty for him and that should pamper myself to aggressively insisting I should get a makeover. It hurt me quite a bit as I thought he had always loved me the way I am. He also started citing we were very different and we weren't compatible and he wished we enjoyed his hobbies together. I have tried to be accommodating , now from what I feel every person has their own individuality and I love him for it but trying to mould me into his fit..was just concerning. Later on he started talking with a childhood friend and announced that he had feelings for her. Since I wasn't keeping him sexually satisfied he was losing interest in me. We fought and quarreled. He asked for a break to sort out his feelings and he returned back after a day saying he wanted to be with me but I had make some changes such as starting to put makeup, spend more time with him and quit being a workaholic. I promised that I will make the changes for our relationship. A heads up here would be that I suffer from depression and anxiety, so I struggle with the self care area. I started taking care of myself more, working out, eating healthy and also started to take initiative during intimacy. A week ago he again brought up that he is sad that we are too different and that he has had thoughts about our future. But later dismissed it saying that the lock down is messing with his head and we were talking about our upcoming wedding. During this time he also disclosed that he was confused about his sexuality; he might be gay and wanted to experience men. It pained me to do so but I suggested he can have a one night stand provided he uses protection. He proposed a threesome with which I wasn't comfortable with. He said I was stifling his individuality with rules (I only asked he use protection and not sleep with a guy we were friends with or knew) The next day he didn't call or text me as usual so I hit him up asking why was he quiet today. He dropped the bomb on me that he didn't want to be with me as we were too different. He wanted a more open relationship and I was a prude. He ridiculed me and body-shamed me. He brought up our sex life and ridiculed me for being inexperienced and completely disregarded the fact that I have been a victim of sexual assault. He blatantly told I should take the hint and \*\* off because since I wasn't okay with his lifestyle. He said his feelings changed towards me. He proposed taking a break and kept flip flopping to saying he was cheating through out our relationship because I couldn't keep him satisfied to saying he never cheated...or saying he had a crush on someone else. I have seen his meltdowns and splitting before but this has been the worst. I had been crying for hours. He even suggested that there are plenty of women who are okay with an open relationship. I held my ground that I won't concede and that I valued monogamy. I turned down his suggestion to be friends or take a break. So he broke up with me. He was extremely cruel throughout the time, saying that he will eventually be back and I will be taking him back regardless of what happens. I am legitimately scared as this is not the man I fell in love with. It was like talking to a demon. &#x200B; He later called me at 4am to tell me he was bleeding from the nose, I asked him what had happened..he said he fell face first on the marble floor...after telling him to hold his head high and ice the area. I went back to sleep. &#x200B; I don't know what to do honestly. I am scared for him. I don't know what I did to make him hate me so much.",4.6080735377926025,6.035288041095897,5.265164109166896,81.55517360744669,70.2079701120797,7.984541022014903,29.799459653418328,8.440438957873402,2.1719652953965007,3279,130,628,51,59,1058,324,803,0.14400000000000002,0.7440000000000001,0.11199999999999999,-0.9587,3,1,0,0,1,0,84.0,13,0,1,6,26,47,13,5,38,2,83,19,7,5,4,117,149,52,0,12,13,0,4,1,5,9,3,10,0,7,32,61,1,10,10,0,1,8,15,28,0,3,48,18,103,19,96,79,8,82,1,7,3,8,137,28,0,7,41,427,135,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04807597553782442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011491425760788,0.04512778994766917,0.11752700506747303,0.13180270437961736,0.0,0.0,0.04148955784926914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028092794185631,0.0,0.0,0.16681319286518914,0.0,0.06612219572539985,0.0,0.04614991398335798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921047521088589,0.0,0.13661394160713478,0.0,0.1107598142646652,0.0,0.1105922110157032,0.0,0.22949337476197185,0.0,0.05686427147378177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059574502170532666,0.06995406066310546,0.05591381096085685,0.04671244867702668,0.0,0.0,0.16999181351474066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05549585288640985,0.04530630819359621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03582164668008046,0.04905858127571257,0.045695250969108835,0.0,0.0,0.05305214903094268,0.0,0.0,0.1096912006788196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046132186903249835,0.0,0.0,0.12570527123607764,0.0,0.056671004223720525,0.0,0.03082294930601012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053701087890340685,0.04795975196908957,0.0,0.0,0.05354574552628945,0.16698199388634555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036352517078738864,0.05730216032085871,0.0,0.0,0.05341046174823557,0.0,0.05805959307344191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964129602441838,0.0,0.056477313071948615,0.059612176551983864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03830772098533152,0.02649643760859563,0.0,0.0,0.04799618884667152,0.09108733029992383,0.060674991751895974,0.0,0.0,0.24474561960194824,0.0,0.10860667108206866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753466904173761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03986889933973861,0.04021449869918667,0.04182930621609338,0.0,0.05767944227064744,0.050895789241453916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03675097875648877,0.04124809311953565,0.05770976828958655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471166328299167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05517640146725542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090421290509889,0.0,0.11537100579211672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23291198678994335,0.0,0.0,0.1547694577856755,0.2587786644866417,0.10859721291719472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05657883952447933,0.0,0.0,0.13459103447632673,0.0,0.10854815599069527,0.0,0.04595306340659771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687142400552729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339620758794397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24466741707839734,0.13077589929091246,0.0948074040161737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611292118810696,0.12649924911379087,0.0,0.05140835334025271,0.051823780874305087,0.0,0.07364388789448938,0.05899200834219472,0.05297962661674077,0.0,0.0,0.09368309808302124,0.05973209132589762,0.04474948084754025,0.1279566208368335,0.04304914728299564,0.04350397355652996,0.0,0.0,0.05027630510413608,0.048938570747474604,0.0,0.062367470146164214,0.0,0.0,0.039483660554311635,0.0,0.0,0.038526924124680575,0.0,0.13180270437961736,0.03492550400215738 bpd,stressedmum101,2020/04/11,Newbie needing some positivity I stumbled across reddit by accident today and glad I found this group of positivity to me borderline is a spectrum everyone suffers differently and to different degrees we cant be stereotyped into the black and white thinking we can have with our condiction. So shout out to my borderline brothers and sisters I'm blessed to be a quiet borderline so I tend not to act out but I hide it the only person my condiction affects is me it's a blessing and a curse 🙈🙈🙈😂😂😂 💗💗💗,2.6931683168316845,5.080248069306936,5.40642574257426,74.29043069306934,78.20792079207921,8.396435643564358,32.87227722772277,9.120678840339163,3.5436209900990097,409,23,72,11,10,146,67,101,0.111,0.742,0.147,0.3806,2,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,6,0,7,0,0,1,0,18,12,8,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,11,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,4,11,3,12,9,1,6,2,1,2,0,7,4,0,1,1,49,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.671570210368972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071027954606884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523885533669365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383072936828838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444322758919515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28062615334343066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20593432333048084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046410114135486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,maarthaaluvdino,2020/04/11,"Do any of you cling onto romantic relationships but have a hard time keeping friendships even close to that intimate? I feel like it might be how I was raised, but, I’ve always found myself having this cycle. Having just got out of a relationship... and the quarantine. I could pursue my platonic relationships to be closer but... I’ve just always kept myself at a distance that way. Anybody else?",5.176250000000003,7.457937458333337,5.970555555555558,73.63000000000002,70.25,8.688888888888886,27.277777777777786,9.2995712137729,2.677927777777778,315,11,51,7,6,103,54,72,0.023,0.852,0.126,0.8053,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,9,0,0,1,0,15,14,5,0,1,5,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,7,1,7,6,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,2,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35551169245586683,0.0,0.0,0.14527455918317014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705648021955936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17845901963635172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109946723027195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080168795271832,0.1526160892338088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342323876243392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085805454409456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913689821686001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189882635017341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436798909503922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22662585060818774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6880704886581865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245683707284088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956818877134186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,eujakin,2020/04/11,"Sick of my own impulsiveness im aware that impulsiveness is a part of my bpd but its never been really much of an issue, even helped me make decisions sometimes and what i consider to be part of my personality. but ive been going though a bad episode and decided to shave off most of my hair on impulse. my self confidence is highly correlated to my looks and it feels like without my long hair, i can’t live my best life until my hair grows back, which takes quite a long while for me. now it just feels like im not myself and cant thrive because i don’t look the way i want to. any advice would be greatly appreciated...",5.8880427446569215,5.347036409448819,6.909336332958382,77.84047244094491,66.79527559055117,10.406749156355458,29.95388076490439,9.957137785484203,2.5104542182227223,492,15,105,10,7,166,85,127,0.052000000000000005,0.81,0.138,0.9062,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,5,0,11,5,3,1,1,18,19,9,0,2,5,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,2,7,17,4,14,14,6,13,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,1,9,72,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280305566405994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063370327365708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023895766407125,0.1305625050810883,0.09532176389558096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410077665889936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19694267172857466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328097879175208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813084574432446,0.22342166678366368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888687335343382,0.0,0.0,0.17239859146348455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048115844301438,0.1652135999686236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33781309067555954,0.1632097621284112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044882872027408,0.15278906830556685,0.0,0.1380776664797153,0.27676524234797545,0.2626230087332942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437825851361014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149500184604242,0.0,0.12060226395400148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386671684984881,0.0,0.0,0.13653634315339436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631885335724536,0.0,0.0,0.10017469257324857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312812130546558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465403102155467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757085755058486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153632833039337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223113862505708,0.1241193099593181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073519997343635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108083525499278,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,youngsteryona,2020/04/11,"I thought we were friends. I only needed you to reassure I was wrong in my assumption. But you chose to keep silent. It makes me feel that I was right about you, while I hoped I was wrong. I know I give in to emotions and thoughts that shouldn’t exist. But I can’t think other way rn. If you cared about me for a bit you would say something. You would reach out to me not to let go. Even if what I think is true, if you had showed that you cared to the slightest, I would have forgiven you... I am gravely upset. We were never even friends while I counted you as the closest.",0.9185000000000016,2.8979191833333324,1.879999999999999,99.395,82.16666666666666,5.0,20.833333333333336,5.985473137389443,-0.17541666666666694,442,13,105,3,12,138,71,120,0.09,0.725,0.18600000000000005,0.875,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,2,10,0,0,4,11,0,1,3,0,15,0,0,1,2,26,29,9,1,9,6,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,1,6,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,8,2,29,7,13,16,1,10,0,1,0,0,17,5,0,4,3,78,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883133630298531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35172815463986284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940269593999676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278547750737499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721564394239716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665292168064831,0.0,0.0,0.1654672094774042,0.0980294993688263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132054163692212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533161887198282,0.0,0.0,0.09479546823472858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763817351534887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513777703522138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789844137598153,0.13303418522994542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118569148859374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473047020916791,0.0,0.13717021190448125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279049400669748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22104803065603928,0.0,0.2738740692673204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369137753337596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36759380616053816,0.37717938616929797,0.0,0.0 bpd,ThrowRAacc,2020/04/11,"How do you know the relationship you’re in has run its course or it’s just your BPD? Basically, that’s it. I just feel like I can’t differentiate between the two. How do you know whether it’s really the relationship or just your head?",2.9193749999999987,4.640508854166671,4.823333333333334,81.855,75.04166666666666,8.966666666666667,24.5,9.516144504307137,1.907024999999999,187,6,42,5,4,64,31,48,0.0,0.9329999999999999,0.067,0.4329,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,4,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,4,1,1,2,0,11,7,5,0,0,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,6,1,2,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,1,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827526189182917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366145591804453,0.2171069056136138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118900590492346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33403203840360873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484706577877619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19468673596846772,0.0,0.0,0.6525517957579929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968670781081061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,trashyberries,2020/04/11,"My SO just pointed a gun at themselves I'm drunk as fuck. My partner just pointed their gun at themselves and that freaked me out. I was having an episode and I don't remember much but I was freaking out a lot and wanted to prove my love, I apparently just repeated shit over and over. I'm the one with bpd btw. Anyway, when they pointed gun at themselves it kind of ""woke"" me up and it freaked me out, causing a panic attack which then they said they would call an ambulance and I begged them not to because that would mean taking me away from them. I panicked and almost called 911 on them because of the gun incident, said that if they aren't stable they shouldn't have a gun period. I want that gun far away from us now tbh. I had to calm them down and they fell asleep but I feel soooooo fucke5c up from tgat and it hurts a lot. I don't know what to do. Please tell me I'm not overreacting?? I want them safe and I can't deal with any of this rn. I'm just so hurt and fuckef up",1.1970289855072491,3.1272158888888915,2.412683574879228,96.19931521739132,80.93236714975845,5.492657004830917,21.46111111111111,6.508806274219699,0.139094879227053,767,23,178,7,20,245,109,207,0.26899999999999996,0.654,0.077,-0.9937,1,0,0,6,0,0,18.0,1,0,12,0,9,13,3,1,9,0,13,5,2,1,1,41,29,19,0,7,9,0,1,0,1,3,0,2,0,1,10,16,1,1,5,1,0,1,7,9,0,1,6,3,33,4,28,20,3,25,0,2,0,2,21,19,2,4,5,123,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373774732976273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329492675079808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607514062843553,0.2577918668637344,0.0,0.0,0.16726133410974248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278789580805046,0.0,0.28017572762694515,0.0,0.0,0.14093346504258938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143841585829767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936814621913369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683133413959266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937326835201352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286383910446884,0.07539686235374206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332706202063821,0.1238206880550165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944176617657526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085154039266267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296451318974926,0.0,0.0,0.1609646695785806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059507280381002,0.3890709445340607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554112293698035,0.0,0.2610010723799913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082510665720144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315093679906696,0.0,0.11991142085693855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650244865427755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24275730949208985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949138154758374,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,strawbebbycakes,2020/04/11,"dae feel like they have to be the worst off?? i always feel like my problems have to be the biggest problems or im invalid. my problems have to be the worst or else im not worth anything. i know this makes no sense but i still constantly feel like im fighting to be the most broken. as if garnering pity and trying to validate myself in this way is healthy. i feel like if someone else has a story worse than my own then i need to be okay and stop moping because im not them and therefore not worthy of being sad/angry/depressed/etc. anyone else feel this way? or like if someone mentions something bad happening to them you shut down bc you cannot stand someone else being hurt? because YOURE hurt and it feels 100x worse (in youe head)",2.3204889741131325,4.425579979865778,3.1325263662512017,91.56001677852349,78.06040268456375,5.330968360498561,24.73681687440077,6.1826913282559595,0.6622709491850434,583,21,118,4,14,184,85,149,0.298,0.5820000000000001,0.12,-0.9866,0,0,1,0,2,0,14.0,0,3,3,0,1,16,1,0,5,1,13,1,1,2,0,29,23,13,0,7,10,0,6,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,7,0,1,0,5,10,0,0,0,6,15,6,14,16,4,13,0,3,0,0,8,6,0,7,9,72,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866764434535438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728369588260728,0.10673282341122443,0.08572170748538956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697625274508469,0.1270001647646118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256902077689647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480772858396003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617528813159993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160240008655719,0.2976716683987517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211576136157504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690681852308297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22302882732797646,0.0,0.4500789370876059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572482217281457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544570627948965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953320777610092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723953968396577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990252367965231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647846109790361,0.08019391418017596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318900910330794,0.08708943660105432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072349756311873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653680352848998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123129731635946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,delvewithin,2020/04/11,My FP (boyf) rejected me And now I'm sitting crying in the shower. How do I fix myself? I feel so awful and...bad thoughts...,-1.5138461538461527,0.4529333846153882,1.9219230769230795,92.86057692307695,99.76923076923076,4.138461538461539,18.03846153846154,5.985473137389443,-0.0628153846153845,92,3,20,1,4,33,23,26,0.35100000000000003,0.649,0.0,-0.8825,1,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,3,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4999055601019813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6576649756882913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027304391950841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4753162020348087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Excruciasm,2020/04/11,"Did you have trouble getting diagnosed? How can I avoid the same trouble? I only first had it suggested to me that I could have BPD from a friend who studied psychology but did not end up finishing her degree (so I obviously take what she said with a grain of salt). I took 3 different online tests that said it’s likely, but she said that no therapist/psychiatrist wants a BPD patient and that they’ll do whatever they can to not diagnose it (a HUGE grain of salt). I’d like to know if there is any truth to her claim, because it sounds totally off. I obviously am not *looking* to be diagnosed with this if I don’t have it, but if I do have it and there’s a chance I can feel better than I do now, I want to make sure I find the right resources. If anyone has advice, I’d appreciate it. I’m also unemployed due to COVID crisis so budget is a factor in this as well.",3.2684142672969467,4.288718273743019,5.139776536312851,82.73744305973358,72.96648044692738,8.859647614954879,26.618392780403948,9.265573868473778,2.0663773957885696,677,23,145,15,13,233,108,179,0.076,0.7609999999999999,0.163,0.9424,3,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,2,2,8,10,0,1,8,0,21,3,0,2,5,29,34,14,0,7,10,0,1,2,1,1,3,4,0,0,15,4,0,1,3,0,1,1,5,3,1,1,7,8,20,7,17,24,2,11,0,0,1,0,13,5,0,4,7,104,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970197811386332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251129318895335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417896473498002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071186487783756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338724641635196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354899737428644,0.0,0.0,0.3858915962729839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223150468524852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4664740774858305,0.0,0.1600578767165316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13568674691678426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746082140133355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001894845935253,0.13030897896828558,0.0,0.0,0.11835933972418967,0.0,0.08003891852111822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419286383341787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14968827462327602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286465893457773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225994305978307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651294377325107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308290887336259,0.437175242999499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438601492336953,0.0,0.11518480351964284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778731001791341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17020709766429007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807186883254522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774217251041376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ladymonro9,2020/04/11,"Hobbies What are people’s hobbies? I can’t find myself to stay focused on ANYTHING.",2.5874999999999986,5.490152750000004,3.7550000000000026,82.39000000000001,84.0,3.2,33.0,3.1291,1.6613499999999997,68,4,10,0,2,22,15,16,0.0,0.8220000000000001,0.17800000000000002,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651944610489884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5166747669912075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3919084551770592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6025355270228087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,drawacirclethencry,2020/04/11,"My parents are abusive and my mom threatens me to deprive me of any rights I am so sorry if I am breaking any rules rn but I fucking don't know what do to do, I am in a very bad mental health and my parents are abusive towards me. Yesterdy they found out that I dropped out of college and they want me to stay here. I can't deal with it any longer, please help me",1.085388788426762,2.6408019873417743,2.7025678119349017,95.78759493670887,79.75949367088606,5.020614828209767,26.475587703435806,5.288315135182226,0.4951359855334543,283,12,66,1,7,93,51,79,0.214,0.695,0.091,-0.897,2,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,9,2,0,0,0,11,13,6,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,16,0,10,12,0,8,0,1,0,1,7,5,1,1,0,46,19,1,0.0,0.4466582273150976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845377610010873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738077344748075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19432429196272885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20666889508491634,0.0,0.17425541042581402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20035541505293203,0.0,0.0,0.1263404697514591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358884327282787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18995297918962825,0.0,0.0,0.22075650390024007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185903387296958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20690475581255716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16096891531292973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109984483015904,0.0,0.20090461809377147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555234928895409,0.1111759300554032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mewxie,2020/04/11,"I ruin everything I’m clingy. I need too much attention. I get attached to quickly. I ruin anything that might be good for me. I hate it. I feel insane. I need to shut up and shrink myself. Shrink smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller til I’m less than a whisper. Quiet. Unavailable. Detached. Distant. Uninterested. Neutral. I want to be all of these. I wish I was more of these. I feel too intense. I feel too THERE. I just want to be less.",-0.6539999999999999,0.7516588222222254,1.6361111111111128,91.34750000000004,116.33333333333334,3.5777777777777784,23.38888888888889,5.6839178017228535,0.7166222222222225,354,17,68,4,20,118,51,90,0.174,0.7190000000000001,0.107,-0.8402,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,17,17,6,0,5,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,15,1,10,12,5,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,51,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344872522407009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25609215425798576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4322335717455879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488731421690528,0.0,0.0,0.2390001775723727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813263500612756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30228393095299483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20946896568471984,0.42256945075240543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361384620980498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276751974657173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TigerBananatron,2020/04/11,"DBT material in Spanish Hi all, My mom has BPD, twice diagnosed but vehemently rejected it and in denial. She's asked me to help her find some good self help books to help her learn to manage her emotions. I'd like to get her some DBT books but I'm having a hard time finding any in Spanish. Thanks all!",1.8929569892473133,4.001788080645163,3.4754838709677434,88.5498924731183,79.48387096774194,6.713978494623658,23.23655913978495,7.793537801064563,1.0848301075268814,239,8,51,4,6,79,45,62,0.078,0.642,0.281,0.9505,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,10,6,3,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,7,3,7,6,4,4,0,1,0,0,12,3,0,2,2,26,8,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910410334504832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187255275507178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946705055554624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23746937148298616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631789362442021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4276792210906221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223696402056915,0.0,0.0,0.19623859402154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20958652696787508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4704650693679766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430339500775925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27401677421117604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440763373091781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21540337581351696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364267703948613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BlueW4BTSWC,2020/04/11,"What can be done? I’ve been asking my boyfriend to call me just twice a day since we are in this quarantine. He’s only been calling me once (at night) and thinks texting makes up for it. Today I broke down and told him he was hurting me and he said “no I’m not.” I am not making this up. He legitimately said that to me. I’ve already been feeling down and this sent me over the edge. Has anything like that ever happened to anyone else here? I mean...how can a person just say “no I’m not” to something like that? Idk. Thanks in advance.",-0.1039285714285718,2.1302378928571457,1.6478571428571451,97.49714285714286,89.71428571428572,3.9142857142857146,18.714285714285715,5.288315135182226,-0.5466857142857142,412,12,94,2,14,134,74,112,0.105,0.812,0.083,-0.3485,0,1,1,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,3,0,11,0,0,2,1,15,24,4,0,0,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,8,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,9,4,11,3,13,14,0,14,0,2,0,0,15,8,0,0,6,60,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20311039609395126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869624944798652,0.1885871443207736,0.15146242275148336,0.0,0.17206753396420948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3758835524191586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118700907015614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883532124404993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15375518805144012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648920846413626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306425451778487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627601315781027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970357772929052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984094973241288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457176465656741,0.0,0.0,0.2004909648170469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272410747764916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960136555011464,0.0,0.13998289790590218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071061822688276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35015884888511656,0.14636873542283751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225304261177522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169531718350595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945405549520678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793566644543504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17446358686896193,0.1758734156801516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwawayintoledo,2020/04/11,"I’m tired of losing trust in friends and people-disposing I’m struggling with one friendship in particular and I just can’t shake the feeling that they’re being dishonest and secretly don’t have my best interest at heart. I’ve been slowly piecing together reasons why I don’t like this person anymore and how I think I should just cut my losses, but is this sort of dilemma normal for people with BPD? I can’t tell if I am being over dramatic or if this person is really having a negative effect on my life. I just dread talking to them.",6.590778816199375,6.3892114579439285,7.465934579439256,73.29865264797509,65.26168224299063,10.497819314641744,33.72118380062305,10.125756701596842,3.4112193146417447,434,17,78,9,6,146,75,107,0.222,0.655,0.12300000000000001,-0.8991,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,4,4,11,1,3,2,0,13,3,1,3,0,22,17,9,0,4,7,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,1,1,11,5,11,13,2,6,0,2,0,0,7,5,0,4,1,57,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252612522711264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383687886571688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860741250020215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484850625587845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17548733828068105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691612846034594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604352767042622,0.11096883839787816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25411089045134466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225483873677613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391553698032426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746986159483511,0.3966587287128373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551131694168365,0.23353713492281775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237455419868908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18256604716857786,0.1985298486272763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14554175709817024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610633286550654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20495798072635596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,letshuglonger,2020/04/11,"Is anyone else scared of ageing? I’m 25 now and I think that’s it for me. I’ve done what I want to do and the thought of being a cog in the clockwork of society for the rest of my life intimidates me. I’ve always romanticised the notion of dying young because I’m terrified of getting older than 30 and I’m coming up to it. Similarly, getting older disgusts me. I don’t want to be old I want to be young and dumb forever. Sorry if this is a really selfish and ignorant belief. So yeah, just wondering if this is normal for anyone else?",1.3654626623376631,3.395242348214288,4.395194805194809,81.68616883116884,80.875,7.287012987012987,23.574675324675326,8.296473431620573,1.666864285714286,421,15,84,9,11,152,67,112,0.195,0.728,0.077,-0.9425,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,1,6,1,9,1,0,0,0,18,21,8,1,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,2,0,8,0,16,16,1,10,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,7,56,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796041898198116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822849123558569,0.4136507919568108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304958553172332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738811290796543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094947296876173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065688405597211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372496865256404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21092292852327788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425769104669713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977760886017108,0.0,0.0,0.2118139875880054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931416602203144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20209313820817332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259613419983062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293412178248216,0.0,0.1602511705014684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571798165641683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21890429521238333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,grosssugarplaum,2020/04/11,"Struggling with quarantine and dealing with my SO/FP I’ll preface this by saying that I don’t know if I have bpd, but I seem to have a lot of the symptoms and they seem to be getting more severe over the last few months. Im currently in quarantine away from my partner and it’s been 4 weeks since I last saw him. My partner is bad at holding conversations over text so I’ve been calling him everyday because I really need his validation right now otherwise I feel awful. He has a lot of college work at the moment and he has little to no time to speak to me and when I do call him he’s almost completely focused on his work and not on talking. Because of this I end up getting upset that he’s ignoring me and it’s been leading to a lot of fights. I hate fighting with him and I feel like I’m ruining things, and whenever he hangs up on me even if he says he loves me I get terrified and I ring him back several times until I feel we’re okay I think he’s losing patience with me and he’s very stressed about his coursework and he said that he’s going to have less time to talk to me for the next two weeks and he says that he’s less motivated to talk to me because of how much we’ve been arguing. Even when he asks for space the only way I can bring myself to not contact him is by completely shutting off my feelings for him I don’t know how to deal with being away from him, my country is under lock down for another month and I won’t be able to see him until then. Has anyone had any similar experiences or any advice on how to be less clingy?",2.65860182370821,3.8082409027355664,4.391032218844988,87.02045714285715,74.62310030395136,7.695610942249241,26.533860182370823,8.238735603445708,1.5725252522796356,1223,44,268,20,25,414,165,329,0.16,0.789,0.052000000000000005,-0.9899,1,2,0,0,3,0,12.0,0,0,1,5,11,14,4,3,8,2,23,2,0,5,0,46,45,27,0,3,6,0,4,1,2,1,1,6,0,2,9,19,0,2,10,0,0,4,6,11,0,1,7,12,43,3,52,33,9,46,0,2,2,1,48,20,0,9,22,177,52,5,0.10023977922011804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979531521222918,0.0,0.0,0.10037565928283952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633297447635204,0.1051101485796508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008998432166269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371066219527108,0.0,0.18835714453810853,0.07707820278796146,0.08369602863042337,0.1833157170617724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624849286791473,0.0,0.20471204412586624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21019900274137104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20668562172401309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878269164626257,0.0,0.0,0.13241485758202914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805373858286688,0.0,0.0,0.2027369769682382,0.07161131830370727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711344219459125,0.0,0.05696857655741173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896602927427547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827616279020373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017832232535422,0.16341759777901654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04897209282012591,0.10046659271343884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214267260479903,0.0,0.2556608270535524,0.09047031436843113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16002087086044176,0.0,0.07368777146360775,0.07432652615808696,0.0,0.0,0.1066061423960968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623686907434657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421616935464965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560422375313229,0.0953509847168015,0.2391440872979251,0.0,0.0,0.07987812595046842,0.18250906051835689,0.0,0.22648483679990303,0.0,0.08291938122017839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482432842178372,0.1047923816303054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418751173566937,0.0,0.24170681256533824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659485520703126,0.06422960301936527,0.0,0.0,0.17535186411060555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791969888846344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270831581552901,0.0,0.07956567096726304,0.16081260904020894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145951506244509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sadshayshay,2020/04/11,DAE Does anyone else switch a lot with friends ? Like every time things are okay with a friend I find small things or create problems so they get distance from me and I can get furious with them,4.115175438596488,5.846960868421058,3.3236842105263165,93.79412280701756,71.89473684210526,6.119298245614036,23.19298245614036,6.42735559955562,0.3636561403508769,155,4,32,1,3,45,32,38,0.139,0.584,0.27699999999999997,0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,2,0,1,6,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,8,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,4,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,2,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20176705499009068,0.2956626388243904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525197913736004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410538894152056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431232738461029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637375582649808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4458796984291747,0.0,0.3015201752219627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409752768622644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453224125632223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761118456369521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834113516404751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168260984081309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,JulianH97,2020/04/11,"Radio Head DAE hear a song they fall in love with, then literally hear the song in their mind as if it’s being blasted on cassette in your head for an extended period of time? I’ll sometimes fall asleep with a headache from the noise in my head & wake up hearing it the next day.",11.179137931034482,5.785958293103452,10.1648275862069,73.83793103448278,60.89655172413793,13.66896551724138,41.06896551724138,10.125756701596842,3.7774206896551736,223,7,49,3,2,71,45,58,0.0,0.927,0.073,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,6,0,1,6,5,0,0,4,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,12,4,0,13,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,1,5,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20935369917979893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461086168290696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5948981359042583,0.0,0.6533186672549683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743885187657202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950970352111007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20549157360140566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910994383844485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266808734824355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kynahh,2020/04/11,It has got to the point in my BPD where a literal colour scheme feels like a brand new identity what the fuck am I lmao Titles explains I just can’t believe this is my life lol,-0.27736842105263193,1.9687417894736856,1.3476842105263138,98.93678947368423,91.63157894736841,5.145263157894737,18.12631578947369,6.742157984588678,-0.060332631578947186,140,4,33,2,5,45,34,38,0.084,0.695,0.221,0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,4,1,4,2,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,1,2,7,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,3,1,0,2,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4065481864076415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4544710189956405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245382265127064,0.25778738471877777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33359492803263624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886003124584272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548751435877619,0.17629039698396304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485058691230405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.341114690156347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,machinecloudrain,2020/04/11,"Sexual abuse Why? I have been sexually abused,but i don't remember it as a traumatic event,i feel disconnected from my body everytime i think about it,like it's a far away thought,or like if i invented that event.Why does this happens?",3.385212765957444,5.3256368297872365,5.06058510638298,79.70875000000002,74.31914893617022,10.657446808510642,28.77127659574468,10.686352973137794,3.4657702127659573,189,8,39,7,4,64,37,47,0.198,0.742,0.06,-0.7757,0,0,0,0,2,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,4,6,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,4,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,19,9,0,0.0,0.3549340762102763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28145001802734737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327478108307773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621502692653188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146844034624887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649032478519902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635172391109105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393473490061973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19194836460299267,0.0,0.23782016762153235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5406194070643155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,anotherrbrick,2020/04/11,DAE have sex with everyone they kiss? Coming to the realization that I’ve either immediately or eventually slept with everyone that I’ve ever kissed except one—and only because he had a girlfriend I had previously been friendly with.,10.991463414634149,10.434237048780492,11.400121951219516,49.84213414634149,56.5609756097561,14.053658536585367,42.45121951219512,13.023866798666859,6.077965853658537,193,9,27,6,2,66,33,41,0.0,0.7929999999999999,0.207,0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,4,4,1,0,1,8,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,3,5,2,1,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268879291057173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206148896558104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366736324587966,0.0,0.7113006573363279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875585961772111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25221042257267,0.28307270576183324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,spazykiddo,2020/04/11,"Advice on patience? My (21F) partner (23M) has unmedicated ADHD, and has trouble listening to me on the phone and remembering big things (I wasn't sure if I should have posted this in a relationship advice or ADHD subreddit, but I need help with avoiding splitting?). We've only been dating for a few months, but we click really well and I'm not ready to let go of the relationship yet. (TW brief suicide mention) He falls asleep on the phone every time, without fail. We switched to facetime to help him have some other kind of stimulation. I know he can't help disengaging, but it really frustrates me because it feels so disrespectful when he still falls asleep when I'm talking. He'll also stop listening when I'm talking and I'll get frustrated when he doesn't remember something I told him while we were looking dead at each other. In that same vein, last year I lost a friend to suicide, which I shared with him in a rare moment of vulnerability. We've had the discussion that I don't appreciate jokes or comments about drug abuse or suicide more than once, and he can't remember not to joke or make a comment on it in a self deprecating way until I'm already hurt. Quarentine has us back in our childhood homes, so we're currently attempting long distance and I don' t know if he'll be able to maintain a relationship when he can't physically be with me. I wouldn't normally try so hard for a relationship that's barely gotten it's legs, but we got serious pretty quickly (haha definitely not a BPD thing right eyy). Does anyone have any tips on managing those outbursts of anger and frustratoin? We get on really well, and I think things could be good if I find how we can mesh his diagnosis and mine.",6.736483253588518,6.8168878030303075,7.453381180223283,72.56059808612441,64.9090909090909,10.826156299840513,34.03508771929825,10.5429385540328,3.5402121212121225,1365,55,255,32,19,455,190,330,0.20800000000000002,0.6859999999999999,0.106,-0.9907,2,1,2,0,1,3,35.0,8,0,0,3,17,19,3,1,13,1,23,5,4,3,1,55,45,32,4,8,15,0,2,0,2,4,1,2,1,2,15,19,0,2,8,2,0,4,11,9,2,0,8,6,29,10,32,28,5,41,0,3,2,0,42,14,0,8,21,157,44,2,0.09550905157781353,0.1131626083640194,0.0,0.0,0.22956663954987636,0.18666067964323207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539661339913604,0.07637855404030758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494943021784576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678214955926698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344056524141966,0.0,0.05822143135886845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029030700940414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762562060426252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835806146598854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076017771322627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047049522592511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04829224620364905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729354284976233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379005632857262,0.0,0.09979907491735178,0.0,0.05427999501862877,0.08010846106721009,0.07638731346468364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555735032414111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920531120846189,0.0,0.0958033660646176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224441507923898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945797988945702,0.1049785539393652,0.07785262445922267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976644761745364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452250515178654,0.08020354875605612,0.0,0.10425941213805112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375303356813046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623441375990779,0.0,0.0,0.07081875155415047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935785920545126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171402285213206,0.0,0.07263893752762207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147127027119432,0.0971670415784806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18355663226935487,0.0,0.0,0.4101639125192969,0.3245794111823125,0.08156420819486092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963677054582523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735275340546819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627365196411336,0.07984984373128437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134142020393375,0.0,0.0900161508088922,0.0,0.0,0.15353311567934647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903559099073368,0.06119834376458659,0.0,0.0,0.05569209603847014,0.0,0.0,0.09126299173308793,0.0,0.06484437664253456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488562932875808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581063956204827,0.0,0.0,0.17174821508887028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206731747255867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06150469782885285 bpd,Parking_Hand,2020/04/11,"Question: How Do You Want Neurotypicals to Respond if You Confront Them About a (Possibly) False Memory? I could really use some insight because I don't want to fuck it up. So a few folks important to me have BPD, but one relative is not in a great place & frequently experiences genuinely traumatic delusional episodes. They've been to a therapist long enough to get a diagnosis, but don't seem to be in treatment, and have taken offense to the suggestion in the past. So, it's not really up for discussion, and they may not have a metric for recognizing false memories. Neither do I, for the most part, but periodically, they will confront me about horrible things they remember me saying or doing to them - things I have racked my brains over but can't remember at all. (I have my own history with depression/anxiety/an-ex-telling-me-I'm-a-bad-person, etc, and used to be one of those people who always assumed everything is my fault. This isn't about me, but still.) So far, if I'm pretty sure what they're saying I did is false (it's less ""accusing"" and more ""seeking closure."") I usually try to mention that I can't remember that happening, but try to apologize sincerely. Is this helping or making things worse? I don't want to ""confirm"" a hurtful false memory, but the emotional trauma they feel as a result is very real, and sometimes apologizing is all I can think to do. This relative is an adult, and not a threat to anybody, so unless *they* decide they want treatment, there's no way of ""making"" them get help managing these episodes. Recently they told me about some truly awful things that they remember me saying. It was my fault, in the sense that I accidentally triggered an episode of some sort while we were talking about other things. However, the scenario they described involved a third party that we've never really hung out with together. I felt horrible, but obviously they felt much worse, so I did the usual ""I can't remember that but I'm really sorry, that's so shitty."" I'm afraid of spending the rest of our lives accepting the blame for things I didn't do, and seeing them be hurt by this shitty asshole version of me in their memory. I don't know what else to do. TL;DR - Someone in my family has untreated BPD and experiences traumatic delusions/false memories. Sometimes they confront me about terrible things I didn't do. Saying it was a delusion is off the table. If you've been in their position, what would you want the other person to say to you? What would help? (Apologizing all the time kind of sucks for my mental health, but I will a thousand times over if that's what they need from me.)",5.6475559237779605,6.853927722334004,6.493176115516629,74.54537193750741,67.55130784708247,10.434583974434844,31.92146999644928,10.525883462305444,3.5718673689193974,2086,86,374,57,34,690,228,497,0.179,0.7390000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9947,1,0,0,0,0,0,87.0,2,4,18,0,15,19,7,1,26,1,48,3,1,7,6,78,75,34,0,13,21,0,3,0,0,5,1,5,0,2,34,12,0,0,16,0,1,0,17,14,0,4,13,9,57,5,55,53,18,29,0,2,1,1,46,16,2,15,12,281,91,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273652396572155,0.08169285243732417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295352632593007,0.04596144328808345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18992030922911096,0.08416822882656236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06019854214488762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629846995184554,0.08481172022946087,0.0,0.07790547945757845,0.08408782660768868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776215643365321,0.1475058904046628,0.07107778541413506,0.0,0.038123098030036426,0.0,0.14478630315715388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697035116004053,0.07878386729697541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312569722455322,0.0,0.0,0.06667350943371986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014371526955602,0.0,0.0,0.15161149448505593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614285590548916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785145984141168,0.04143633830993225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657712339660705,0.06672416387627746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006564547932082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598266048739212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05542562934756877,0.05590608058441625,0.05815098135624493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218221021653492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816478379246645,0.07197517439895351,0.0522709364367453,0.13166788225785145,0.07877404362818659,0.0,0.0,0.08499903281834081,0.0,0.07670607483785125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446213779907025,0.0,0.0,0.08581853878150619,0.19320554985323785,0.0,0.07444565517837748,0.0,0.4270517416969173,0.0,0.0,0.29979446340436416,0.0,0.0,0.06008181973715394,0.06863879406272508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388381675790973,0.0,0.14913954978544433,0.08440101086628121,0.0,0.0,0.06021231438841328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710609841402373,0.0,0.0,0.06060142652319176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875419794466429,0.3506339222224929,0.048311491844355584,0.0,0.0,0.08792944638853313,0.0,0.0,0.07204527131918784,0.0,0.10237952142524924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023797387117705,0.16607876358826185,0.06221059974133096,0.2223561584505804,0.0598468009037306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536724096928421,0.10712003851624016,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Marimoonz,2020/04/12,"Feeling of emptiness Every morning I wake up, get dressed and go to work. Every night i get undressed and go to sleep right away. Rinse and repeat. Life is bland. It’s as if BDP is eating me alive. I can’t enjoy things like normal people, I can’t seem to fit in with the rest of them. As if i’m in another world. I’m sick of this. Is it how life is supposed to be ? What is my purpose here ? Why is it happening to me ? What did I do wrong to deserve this ? Can I stop feeling the emptiness? Can I smile without lying to everybody ? Can I be likeable ? Do I have to take pills the rest of my life ? Endless questions, endless thoughts to them. I can’t anymore... Is this normal ?",-0.8042380952380945,1.3485569571428575,1.3385714285714307,97.33976190476193,97.28571428571428,3.523809523809524,20.952380952380953,5.288315135182226,-0.13219047619047553,514,20,113,3,21,170,78,140,0.098,0.746,0.156,0.7674,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,2,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,19,8,2,1,0,16,31,8,0,4,3,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,9,4,1,1,5,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,2,2,16,2,21,27,2,12,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,4,4,77,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895897515468309,0.0,0.0,0.17930992363210144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16987219939085904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850085987304551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046719317111916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828408275136108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18892624466081093,0.0,0.20551123600233026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988521746702106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3831236431968958,0.08833216426728087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967319464600655,0.35430091896435384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534738474658966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20254291973573732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544064367906119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16459803314092014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18093552211656586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116103155662858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594281865026536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011877276941227,0.0,0.0,0.14353893176673044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314834220844507,0.0,0.0,0.1742895168165626,0.0,0.13162815475336154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19768182624959565,0.0,0.0 bpd,CasedOutside,2020/04/12,"Dated someone with BPD, encouragement Hi all, I just wanted to say that I dated with someone with BPD for a couple of years. I learned a lot about myself and the “disorder” during that time. I want to say, knowing everything I know now, I’d be willing to do it again. She was a magical human. There is someone out there for you and BPD is manageable. It also comes with a depth of emotion and soul that you won’t find in most people. There is beauty in it. BPD is like an emotional barometer for unconditional love. Thanks For Reading, Case",2.7945714285714267,5.0687595523809525,4.350714285714286,82.57178571428574,77.28571428571429,7.247619047619048,25.73809523809524,8.238735603445708,1.8398380952380944,423,16,80,8,10,141,68,105,0.025,0.7979999999999999,0.177,0.9371,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,0,8,4,0,0,6,0,9,1,0,0,1,19,16,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,6,9,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,9,4,17,12,3,11,1,0,0,1,9,4,0,2,7,60,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041757470336924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6955965127746542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893836005747695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15277604280343382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824454659533607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106289004766947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124091835951252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619695947174786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517635083237412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745588841325018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738541434681625,0.12461700285433833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572299363993574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811117314670301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21960366865415784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35096846940626464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711981198570385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051194804591022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628790191422923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891500569049215 bpd,tenkittens,2020/04/12,"What are some ways that you deal with low moods? Hi, I'm reaching out because I've recently realized that my low moods have resulted in harm in many areas of my life. While I haven't been diagnosed BPD, my therapists have noticed I have a tendancy to split. I have CPTSD and dissociate quite a bit, which contributes to the vulnerability of my moods. I tend to be either high or low. As you know, it is super sucky because you never really know how you'll wake up and what kind of day you'll end up having as a result of it. I usually categorize my day as ""bad"" or ""good,"" which is only exacerbated in the evenings when I have to hurry and make sure I can at least categorize it as ""other: productive."" After a ton of therapy and important feedback from my partner, I have learned where my moods are negatively impacting those around me. My moods have caused me and others significant mental, emotional, and physical pain, even going so far as to cause my partner to develop PTSD of her own with physical violence as a way to protect herself against me in her own home. I want so much to break the cycle, which I have not successfully done up to this point. But I want to be better and curb the rage that comes out of low moods. How have you successfully pulled yourselves out of a low mood, especially given the extreme feelings associated with BPD? Thank you so much in advance.",8.135515239477499,6.932792037735852,8.701886792452836,68.9815965166909,62.58490566037736,12.531204644412195,36.98838896952104,11.661520659325953,4.250062409288826,1090,44,207,29,13,367,146,265,0.127,0.787,0.086,-0.9276,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,7,0,6,10,24,1,0,11,0,22,4,1,7,2,40,34,23,0,2,5,0,1,0,2,2,3,0,1,2,15,15,0,2,7,0,0,4,4,9,0,0,3,1,33,8,43,27,9,39,0,5,0,0,14,23,0,3,9,153,48,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159513915831938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404795797036435,0.1665294720819337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080382849709714,0.1491222284804067,0.0,0.3440637039542397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28063360437889795,0.0,0.11766123593801213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618006577690778,0.1408195435624914,0.0,0.1386372066218606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978023500988918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15364673066995108,0.1209792728646646,0.0,0.0,0.1804344167732424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690646217230062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762793445720878,0.11456622947476355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431611658838667,0.1370121242474644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422387297835128,0.15013391769510642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647841367582917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117569575267226,0.13848205179196604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765181675253094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20082051682334015,0.0,0.105347564540174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551000204929424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388377300882767,0.1453426817092809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912284707148886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596678192623769,0.0,0.0,0.14528156905066789,0.0,0.0,0.08750382907552581,0.0,0.13486734498243205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873560236482556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257548379111469,0.1562039568393311,0.1585929268025912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043592436284647,0.0,0.16113007352204942,0.2168394951791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ocdMasterBaiter,2020/04/12,"Temporary loss of consciousness and uncontrollable emotions Hi! I am new to posting on Reddit, so I deeply apologize for posting/saying something wrong. These past months I have experienced blackouts and a sudden change in character after drinking alcoholic beverages, and I don’t know if it’s just me or if it has something with my bpd to do. I can be happy, go out and enjoy myself and suddenly my mood goes down, but mostly I go crazy and lay in a backstreet and had strangers help me back to my senses. It’s scary, because everything about that part is blurred out in my head, and I was wondering if some of you guys may have experienced the same thing?",8.882849462365591,7.7095020161290355,8.552258064516128,70.55672043010755,61.096774193548384,12.137634408602151,39.215053763440864,11.20814326018867,4.379902150537634,526,23,94,12,6,169,89,124,0.105,0.818,0.076,-0.5656,0,0,4,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,4,6,0,1,3,0,12,3,1,0,0,25,16,14,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,11,2,0,3,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,2,15,2,16,12,4,17,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,9,7,72,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207364259119381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882225183434495,0.0,0.12590941808572995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601393027174494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184998316662864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023378831040912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323380985668441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18563154406005275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23477136947615904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20451446455055086,0.0,0.2198736181455312,0.0,0.0,0.21197728892063392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384444125341511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351308555533747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164864216673963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994848296090715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22367077762586024,0.19717292749901055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978153773035724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16425483506238767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180206604348113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722095848107654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22399191600326246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258272295566334,0.0,0.0 bpd,crispknight1,2020/04/12,"Wondering if there's anyone I can talk to Hey, Ive been feeling pretty lonely lately and don't really have anyone to talk to about my bpd. It'd be nice if someone wouldn't mind reaching out and talking to me sometimes. I prefer communicating on discord. Thank you for reading and have a nice day",3.469661016949153,5.410520372881359,5.0120000000000005,80.14613559322035,74.08474576271186,6.753898305084746,27.0542372881356,7.554174236665415,1.677112542372882,238,9,43,3,5,80,46,59,0.109,0.687,0.204,0.7191,0,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,0,0,11,12,5,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,6,3,8,8,0,4,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,3,2,29,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32525959089399864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929343866931809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14999896508347405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760265540428015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26236755230271275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23484592737178245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366239511663876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326493077995737,0.0,0.14900078217464774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970696736705755,0.0,0.2300338638107048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5608323338360062,0.0,0.21413427742498292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522299931353084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Luna_a6,2020/04/12,DAE need a certain “atmosphere” to feel comfortable and sound? Not sure if it’s a bpd thing or personality thing so trying to figure that out. Does anyone else need a certain “atmosphere” to feel comfortable and sound? I also find myself being really annoyed and unable to focus unless things are like I want them to be. It isn’t even about keeping my room clean but even weather can affect whether I feel comfortable with doing something or not. Like I need a certain “aesthetic” to feel good and I don’t really stop till I fix that to fit my inner needs.,4.834811320754717,6.484063000000003,5.719009433962263,77.65983490566039,69.9433962264151,8.69622641509434,27.400943396226417,9.188382445141503,2.412475471698113,442,15,78,9,8,145,68,106,0.08199999999999999,0.684,0.23399999999999999,0.9369,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,5,11,1,0,4,0,7,0,0,1,4,32,17,13,0,6,8,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,7,6,0,2,6,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,10,10,12,15,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,4,55,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025640850202828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226342206515851,0.17970405173332654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208929803756396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534817852980173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651279845918827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23168207297264184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35472245297783583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16029995539146072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710575738291629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589145503480267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136983250307453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5201870536769109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531406043394728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22471398612094445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350209883140481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466308500065059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529956842295473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495567125642223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907582558626405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344741906622387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yawannabemyfriend,2020/04/12,"DAE feel like they're not normal and keep on wondering what is it like to be normal? Yeah, i know bpd is mental illness and it definitely means we're not normal. Hell. I bet some of us here are definitely freaking crazy. I mean, living with BPD is like constantly walking around with slashing razors on your skin. Am i the only one or DAE ever just wonder what it's like to be normal, too???? What do normal people think or do everyday??? How do they get through their lives not feeling hurt or pain just because they're alive???",3.177950377562027,5.1903896213592216,4.110226537216828,85.97811218985979,75.11650485436894,6.519525350593313,23.09492988133765,7.3871296695380915,0.9490936353829564,413,12,80,5,9,133,68,103,0.121,0.6509999999999999,0.228,0.9174,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,1,2,0,7,8,1,0,1,1,10,3,1,1,1,31,20,6,0,5,8,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,8,0,1,1,3,4,0,1,0,3,8,4,9,18,1,7,1,1,0,0,4,3,1,7,7,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154557526954763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906066672684296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.326691792042021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401538628222185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731625369606236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115504354620347,0.09265389778397648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776011184828186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884082607717282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527858133552145,0.0,0.0,0.07127679853238296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534490574900338,0.0,0.22904553851796755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28255103269725323,0.0,0.0,0.13070172231449664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.635366196477242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788446455766799,0.09863864039798333,0.1380042724707549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991395372905918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310310735549707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600671848959993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28129667327321234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,abilicry,2020/04/12,"BPD had ruined my entire life Tw: suicidal thoughts, self harm Pretty sure i inherited from my mom or something because im exactly like her. As abusive piece of shit. I cant control my impulses i freak out over nothing and my mood is never stable. The amount of people ive lost because of this is fucking insane. I have literally no friends like at all. Not a single person i can ask to come over when im not safe. I ruined all of my FP relationships single handedly. I cut myself or beat my self up until im black and blue and get asked if im being abused. I want to kill myself after any inconvenience in my life. Its like the only option i have. I dont feel like theres any hope for me. The only reason im posting this here is because nobody knows me and i am not comfortable venting to anyone like ive said before i have no one. I dont know what to do and if any of you guys have any recommendations or advice for me please let me know.",1.0992424242424228,3.1560863484848523,3.6467575757575763,86.55013636363638,81.97979797979798,5.980202020202023,21.011111111111113,7.1686216300943375,0.6553305050505056,739,22,154,10,20,258,117,198,0.24,0.638,0.122,-0.981,0,0,1,0,1,2,15.0,0,1,0,3,3,20,4,0,4,0,18,5,2,2,5,31,32,13,2,4,8,1,2,5,1,0,2,1,0,4,4,7,0,2,6,0,1,1,9,9,0,1,4,5,30,10,21,26,6,12,0,3,2,1,12,6,2,7,9,100,34,0,0.0,0.23566346767391885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971811795411944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270517058061193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953760244386137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859442496828102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18187099880421986,0.0,0.084624442758868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525352361182354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566718444511208,0.0,0.0,0.11154139098487448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233108816219091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0502847997525176,0.07104694673394214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683465769146383,0.0919397243139088,0.05195840835962543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847092325900823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877607663362854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5371141708134849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002645310173613,0.0,0.16396500405745168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169414374848446,0.14048864935760794,0.2429307093108656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856118888255313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647438699030335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670180557223638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542475149944037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738974853197688,0.15127208672004624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894595946865134,0.08683571686589657,0.0,0.10916600042523043,0.0,0.0,0.09524540418556607,0.10117618484164136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225094297880342,0.0,0.10677185173664344,0.0,0.0,0.09459951991768907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074956312347213,0.0,0.10208377583010958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765613036644529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878192413942378,0.0,0.0937302460280993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895202115121723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05865806022698952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Arylcyclosexy,2020/04/12,"I'm so tired of even the smallest things triggering mood swings... I should preface this by saying that I haven't been diagnosed with BPD (at least yet) but the symptoms are present and they're making my life harder, that's why I feel like I can get some support from here. I just find it so hard to try to get any help for myself that I'd rather try to suffer alone. Anyway, I had a good day today and I was learning to play some new songs on guitar and I was in a good mood because I felt like I'm constantly improving with my singing/playing. I decided to post a story on instagram saying I've been practicing singing and there's a soundcloud link in my profile if anyone wants to hear some acoustic covers. Well, an hour later I went back to listening to one of the songs and it turned my whole night around. I thought it was shit and I felt embarrassed for posting it and I quickly deleted every trace to it and I started hating myself for posting it. If I weren't out of alcohol (or drugs) I'd start drinking right now, instead I just took some melatonin hoping I could just go to sleep early... This has somehow been a pattern lately, my days start great but I often end up getting to bed with self destructive thoughts. Why all this happened? I realised one of the 4 songs was too imperfect for me and I thought others would somehow turn it against me, laugh at it or something. I feel like my self esteem is constantly alternating between very high and low, I felt confident enough with sharing but then an hour later I start hating myself for letting other people to hear it. Anyone else have similar experiences?",3.81817277359864,5.681399971608838,4.3896056782334405,85.3071263042951,72.94321766561514,7.022033487017715,28.59609318126668,7.748469712250963,1.8118503761223,1289,52,244,17,26,409,181,317,0.11599999999999999,0.721,0.163,0.9547,0,1,4,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,0,21,21,4,1,11,0,19,9,2,2,1,54,51,20,0,8,11,0,6,3,0,2,6,8,1,2,18,16,2,0,12,7,0,3,2,7,1,2,17,14,35,12,38,30,8,42,0,2,0,0,9,12,1,12,27,169,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664638138836697,0.0,0.09366229056707652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06149818174094061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646703002232118,0.09266026067169213,0.0,0.08050538157933723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953811932184238,0.0,0.05512769172748795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389838428644565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195453928330119,0.0,0.0722041440910969,0.0,0.0,0.11664482248402674,0.0,0.0,0.09178854761335814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859083469800443,0.10487466196116532,0.0,0.07554595439569486,0.0,0.08009763048570201,0.09344243670722677,0.0,0.059730765855129986,0.0,0.07619449660433955,0.0,0.0,0.08846174828810469,0.0,0.0,0.091452236724757,0.12921205261354105,0.26049229905970905,0.0,0.0826549847316479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174400667394987,0.0,0.051395693347218746,0.15170340005060493,0.0,0.09970374042661527,0.0,0.0,0.07997043633755599,0.0,0.08101104908633441,0.17856959045647006,0.0,0.0,0.20385125057390305,0.0,0.060615965124858624,0.09554842499805047,0.0,0.08982130969497466,0.17811843287886894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201342571559606,0.0,0.0,0.09247483288567973,0.0638761677555954,0.13254436834760253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036535858372949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873416648110593,0.0,0.08486612849888392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256075923340308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06269550875786196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598321548477713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723009243190013,0.0,0.14383340102331774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18868464904327828,0.0,0.09282914199638227,0.0,0.0,0.09049925241281204,0.0,0.0,0.06962046683229559,0.0,0.0,0.2560384387211641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026233658059286,0.0,0.09399549238130908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06008029274302999,0.0,0.0,0.2153833453773764,0.0,0.10394051307521494,0.08572080294879192,0.0,0.10047543717087742,0.12279742089392152,0.1967323204921742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461747324221686,0.0533402821140311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131097462896135,0.08383317034686033,0.1632051332931942,0.10096626677391383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424167779225289,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,butwaiii,2020/04/12,"DAE feel intense levels of shame to the point that they want to hurt themselves This is being brought up because yesterday I had a conversation with someone my boyfriend doesn't like, for good reason. Now I feel guilty and catastrophized it as cheating of some sorts, even though we were just talking about a few games. Now I feel like killing myself. &#x200B; But everyday I feel this way. Anything I do, any mistake I make, its the end of the world. I always feel like a terrible person who doesn't deserve to live because i'm not perfect.",5.942478991596638,7.244531539215687,5.24775910364146,83.39205882352944,66.94117647058823,7.789355742296919,34.179271708683466,7.957251820313856,2.5203624649859946,435,20,79,5,7,131,76,102,0.308,0.669,0.023,-0.9848,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,1,0,1,1,6,11,2,1,6,0,7,0,0,2,1,18,16,4,1,2,3,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,6,1,0,1,3,6,0,0,3,5,11,5,11,12,2,11,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,2,8,51,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302628500127205,0.19926436674227133,0.22346849056559515,0.12506382529040275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134070939915306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242173609591432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288800386711824,0.0,0.0,0.12146957607357832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4649473460996438,0.2627679894918965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425340215594108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968774417496882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034670819897136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26954464761380137,0.0,0.16239423569308162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227600954335563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058147313766444,0.0,0.0,0.17385261388239956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890881729992389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582474979816174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781837724526425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806887901198067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847377165313812,0.14597770218370013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22346849056559515,0.0 bpd,_gayspice,2020/04/12,"How do I talk to my therapist? New to posting on reddit so bare with me! I’m not diagnosed with BPD but I’ve suffered from/still have anxiety, depression and an ED. However a couple of years ago I stumbled on something about BPD and everything just kind of clicked, it explained so much about how I was feeling and had felt in the past. I was on medication for around 3 years for depression/anxiety and they were actually pretty helpful and I was able to function and manage my feelings. Last year it just stopped working and it’s been a downwards spiral from feeling depressed to dissociating, feeling suicidal, impulsiveness, all that good stuff. I started seeing a therapist again for my depression but even though I’ve been seeing them for 4 months I really struggle to open up with how I feel. I want to tell them about all this stuff I’m experiencing + how I think it might be BPD, but I’m terrified that they’ll think I’m fucking batshit or just making it up (and what if I am?!) I don’t know if that made any sense or if this post is okay for this thread but I’m really at my wits end. I’m feeling extremely self destructive, it’s making my relationship really REALLY hard and I’m so exhausted and lost. My emotions are fucking everywhere but simultaneously none existent and it’s eating me up. So basically, how do I bring this up to my therapist? lol. Thanks for reading ?!",2.9177763957987817,5.417923958955228,4.660215588723054,79.33033443891657,78.06716417910448,8.447982310668877,28.58264234383637,9.150863307647796,2.8569282476506364,1103,50,206,30,27,372,143,268,0.193,0.706,0.10099999999999999,-0.9884,1,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,4,2,19,14,3,1,5,2,17,6,0,8,2,54,47,31,1,4,14,0,8,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,17,16,1,1,11,1,0,1,3,10,0,0,10,12,26,4,32,34,4,27,0,5,3,2,10,12,2,6,12,137,43,3,0.09602627647740124,0.0,0.09370779388503103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512150020323543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530116088596294,0.0,0.14691967733947012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548374481774931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628252009923568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625124847327544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481218736639132,0.09746464928732207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825885382258492,0.0,0.10801663625361232,0.08505077885008762,0.0,0.0,0.06342444996794093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630222548783717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913226239224997,0.0,0.09220028434937304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17754949051310587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805422847734151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602068224084787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436438897576698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999659002966567,0.052773530247896314,0.07827423178547438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482402421495192,0.0,0.0,0.09086238462114836,0.12819657040984486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673637107432212,0.0,0.10186870443588243,0.0,0.0,0.07664725774014533,0.0,0.07059036213587165,0.0,0.0,0.09274277619947724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166794649734568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18393325750166306,0.0976932452470692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605226255157384,0.0,0.2460675664190453,0.0,0.0,0.1030962841059663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304101957712446,0.0,0.10017634891865436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739257190517068,0.0,0.0,0.0679678927352372,0.0,0.0,0.08028226690713759,0.0,0.10038751371409094,0.21985422496252452,0.10503716077092992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718228362183084,0.08393119817071266,0.08840809384326781,0.0,0.3344817246446272,0.0,0.1230595211912326,0.09434532908701096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05663878582140535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699082729429812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855133211189086 bpd,lonerlass,2020/04/12,"Planning to disown my family After seeing a therapist again since November, and feeling like I see things a bit clearer as dismal as the reality is, I’ve decided that cutting contact with my family - mother, aunt & grandfather, is the only way to move on with my life. I can’t bear feeling uncomfortable around them anymore. They don’t care about my mental illnesses and they’ve never supported me. I don’t see why I should suffer and feel obliged to visit them and spend time with them when they don’t even speak to me like an adult or have real conversation. It means I will have absolutely zero support / no one in my life or to talk to, other than mental health support workers. I’m awaiting my own accommodation, and when I get the keys, I’ll be moving out and not telling them my new address. I’m also thinking of changing my phone number. Does anyone have any advice for when things start moving? I guess I’ll just tell my mother I’m leaving and I won’t be back... I imagine they’ll play hell with me for it but I know in my heart it’s the only way I can move on with my life and get better.",3.6329411764705877,5.0967817963800925,5.070950226244347,81.86081447963804,72.66515837104072,7.552941176470588,26.12217194570136,8.124751697461798,1.6381927601809951,871,29,169,13,17,292,128,221,0.076,0.835,0.08900000000000001,0.2181,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,7,3,10,11,2,0,7,0,16,6,1,0,1,32,36,17,0,1,5,3,3,2,0,4,5,1,1,1,7,15,0,0,8,1,1,5,8,3,0,2,0,7,32,8,25,30,2,23,1,1,3,0,19,6,1,3,12,111,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428426349190342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534289353166209,0.0,0.11562965019571532,0.0,0.07257236507905754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583625897388547,0.07462018561708167,0.0,0.0,0.09500225498398833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206008111905233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438400414164914,0.1165091637045664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088068113943257,0.0,0.11289421793198245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339024007269292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048668470151581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20120975627404,0.0,0.16188052043985393,0.07623984961364866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151221612201684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756266267630194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134369713569927,0.0,0.1264621551013496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05864979813068358,0.0,0.0,0.1129996780475819,0.0,0.0,0.22613568897391395,0.10427471746959184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624793320214273,0.0,0.0,0.21509466718248266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4537002909069771,0.0,0.0,0.08230802857470168,0.10306957060912808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231534259761482,0.16232873715837473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146922678732727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551229241747612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827879871548085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553603424983156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633092958885719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577643626306374,0.1865536683430392,0.0,0.0,0.12390861818201165,0.14179830413103645,0.06838102399082989,0.0,0.0,0.06222852320898844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16941664900586387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962970138371182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,paleartbby,2020/04/12,"mood stabilizers out of curiosity, does or has anyone taken mood stabilizers that have worked for them? if so, how does it feel in comparison to the general extreme ups and downs? i’ve spoken to my doctor before about them but still have yet to try them or have them prescribed.",7.435320512820509,7.707752403846152,7.735384615384617,70.47628205128207,63.42307692307693,10.77948717948718,30.794871794871803,10.504223727775694,3.1142871794871803,223,7,40,5,3,73,41,52,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,4,1,5,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,9,6,7,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,10,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,3,2,31,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26043588286264746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169399100214583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38123326316976536,0.6518924986034521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883292744913215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974506813501588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528789892363251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711586380835717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,living-in-sin,2020/04/12,Am I a real person? I’ve dissociated. Nothing feels real and I don’t have anyone in my life who can understand the thoughts going through my head.,2.4057471264367827,4.860600379310345,4.862758620689653,77.4164367816092,79.6896551724138,6.625287356321839,26.90804597701149,7.793537801064563,1.9440252873563213,117,5,21,2,3,41,25,29,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,0,0,6,8,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,2,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20894204257501714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15109247948617252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16982641476805047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066757507098681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21106555535245725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867260559724202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609182861182752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6802456505587217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372298725438376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110823827686273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,KILLA2-0,2020/04/12,"I hurt someone I care for too much today and I couldn't do anything about it. I told her how she's a narcissist and a self absorbed egocentric person who didn't care about other's feelings, and that she didn't deserve the attention she was given. I believe it is true and it is, when I think about it rationally, but then I proceeded to be unkind to her and tell her blatant truths about her appearance, problems, issues etc. I felt relieved, energetic and free when I did that,like I was finally standing up for myself and my feelings. The thing is it didn't feel so good afterwards. She is a gentle person, although very self centered. I felt wretched, evil, like someone who committed a terrible crime. I know I can't take back the damage I did, but it goes against my nature and attitude to actually hurt someone like that. I like to consider myself as a person who bears it all up and helps people heal but I did the opposite and extended such negativity towards someone I used to adore. That's not very mature and I'm ashamed I did that. But I wouldn't apologize, because she more than deserved what I said, after all this time. My hands feel dirty. I need to send out some positivity out there to at least counter what I did today. I wish I could hug you. I wish I could embrace you with all my heart and soul and tell you that I've got you. I feel so much love towards you, yes you, dear reader. I wanna shed a tear with you, look into your eyes and promise you we'll always be together. Because we are. Under this sky, on this earth, we are breathing right now, and you're reading my words to you, with a voice you have assigned for me (unconsciously hehe) and you'd look into my eyes, whatever the color they are, and feel like you're not alone here. If you can't see or hear, then you can feel me in your veins and in your lungs. We are the air we breathe, the earth we walk on and all the things we touch. I've got you. And you've got me. I will never let you down. I love you. And I cherish being here with you. May you be content, healthy and may all your good wishes come true. I hope that your days get better and better and whatever worries you got fade away. I know you are strong. I know you can. I have faith in you. I trust you. And I know you'll do and say what's good and right. I offer you my support and blood like mother would sacrifice her child. May you find your bliss. And let us all revel in it.",2.5902217294900223,4.198872585858588,3.755304262133532,89.64254988913528,75.66666666666667,6.768662232076867,24.19438285291944,7.499876790926021,0.9586644493717666,1890,60,408,24,41,614,222,495,0.09300000000000001,0.64,0.268,0.9986,0,1,0,0,0,0,63.0,8,32,1,3,16,37,1,1,15,1,45,13,9,2,12,100,86,44,0,13,8,1,11,5,0,8,1,4,0,6,26,44,0,0,16,1,1,4,11,8,0,0,19,21,101,30,42,49,12,44,3,3,6,3,73,23,0,8,21,292,127,2,0.0,0.0,0.07965520439699507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453992216489968,0.0,0.0,0.06791937355645912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671712456189808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669031693768351,0.06276535796177199,0.0,0.0995169078090139,0.0,0.0,0.09196455347529986,0.0,0.1443831330661593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664463006302895,0.0,0.0,0.07031357406679782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034344311861645,0.0,0.0,0.0526420192909764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103457038899533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28890791851209674,0.05831363297106601,0.15674752741102674,0.08941729662027016,0.07460468811351842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0426462176649241,0.0,0.0,0.20539205620714748,0.2611350856349304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919984379647076,0.09672720676497673,0.05471218931952039,0.0,0.0,0.08107303894008877,0.0,0.0,0.17476464923559948,0.0,0.0,0.0851963402033581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17943806654138644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693623713523675,0.0,0.19939171028987746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709056924957255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473413094975668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000900866985327,0.06052464706787334,0.06295500572469541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05658919292265896,0.21381803250715145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810506119684484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164809232118349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394163214128329,0.07764502117701466,0.0649122739450617,0.0,0.0,0.06504535636863229,0.0,0.17030744654281674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766457903828783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262822108028684,0.0,0.0,0.06137259589900788,0.0,0.14268944915671036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845737898119563,0.052302646914889166,0.0,0.0,0.04759677886472094,0.0,0.15474381344568405,0.07799714403013454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818603146338692,0.07049865883090692,0.0,0.13470000235625013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815976258226285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828951684350287,0.0,0.0579847706843151,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hoedinson,2020/04/12,"DAE feel like you love to make people fall in love with you? It happens to me most of the time I love to make people fall for me and when they’re really do, I dump them and don’t wanna deal with their feelings towards me. But when they ignore me I start panicking and doing anything to make them fall for me again. Edit: I don’t mean to brag about it, and I really feel like a horrible person when I’m doing this. I don’t know it just happened, like I really love to feel wanted and desired by others. I’m not a super model or anything, but I do think that the way I treat them and the way I talked to them kinda lure them into my “trap” by manipulating their feelings. If you think this ability to make people fall for you is cool, I don’t know what to say. Sometimes it feels good knowing that you’re wanted, and sometimes you’re confused because you don’t know what you want. You want them but you don’t want them in a certain way.",3.1604081632653056,4.045262387755102,4.439387755102043,88.16989795918369,73.08163265306122,7.028571428571429,23.18367346938776,7.1686216300943375,0.695289795918367,732,18,159,7,14,242,86,196,0.094,0.72,0.18600000000000005,0.9407,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,8,10,1,6,15,1,1,6,1,11,4,0,5,1,47,42,15,0,8,7,0,6,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,11,10,0,1,13,0,0,4,7,3,0,0,0,8,35,12,23,42,1,17,0,0,0,4,26,4,0,5,9,105,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18590916605118407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885798070394285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164544544835079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34268891845796945,0.16139404257232245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474358045902423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997762862787016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483144461677186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16555631611081414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4077950277855466,0.0,0.30160063418526484,0.0,0.0,0.12304407718042208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349319913636148,0.0986303284582756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170908331843805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982851668454389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234361566270361,0.0,0.07995205912158071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079114056558066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475749825114104,0.0,0.0,0.06586655780998718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331269640951995,0.2689817529875244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,haidennn18,2020/04/12,"constantly changing career paths does anyone else constantly change career paths?? i just don’t know what career i want at all, i also have adhd so i end up getting bored easily which isn’t helping. in the last 3 years i’ve done about 5 different courses at college only one of them i completed. i don’t have a clue who i am or what i like. i was on a programme this year at my college for people who want to try out different paths AND I STILL DONT HAVE A CLUE. i drop out of one and get impulsive and apply for another. i’m so confused",1.4495698051948054,3.5002396875000024,3.657694805194805,86.97366883116884,80.69642857142857,6.929870129870131,23.574675324675326,8.00094639256281,1.406507142857143,423,15,87,8,11,145,73,112,0.051,0.83,0.11900000000000001,0.5835,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,1,4,0,10,0,0,0,1,12,16,7,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,2,0,13,1,14,14,1,16,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,2,8,59,19,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20673112502580904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375620119330692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18037492676286607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202783552270414,0.17625184597966706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639425642059416,0.0,0.18035665555344152,0.3717787476793197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594425129918806,0.0,0.0,0.15053332254953108,0.17603321535200506,0.2016027589273756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369821347378045,0.0,0.15235609234601594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17974366898128208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529943550395527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453609898206676,0.14021689451241165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403886565873066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331264762581887,0.13082675518715506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925499748333222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737307747576566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167883187312674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20292028361509493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22154674392519824 bpd,SaviorOfTheWeek,2020/04/12,"I wanted distance from my abuser, but not like this. A member of my family was physically abusive towards me when I was little. As I grew up, they lost mobility and resorted to throwing things from their bed or making the most scathing remarks possible instead. I prayed for ages to make it stop. Today I got my wish... in the form of them passing away in an unfamiliar medical facility, surrounded by complete strangers. (Just to clarify, it wasn't THAT disease, and I dislike mentioning it by name as I can only see so much news about it before it triggers severe depressive symptoms in me.) There were several occasions in which I'd be huddled up under several layers in bed, saying out loud that I'd give ANYTHING for to escape this situation, and now I feel like a fool for wishing such a thing. Only the further scarring it would do to my family is stopping me from jumping straight into hell right now. Happy Fucking Easter",7.394046242774564,7.673743924855492,8.140815028901732,67.51018208092489,63.50867052023122,10.85063583815029,39.26531791907513,10.577609850970193,4.518600462427746,741,38,119,17,10,249,121,173,0.212,0.728,0.06,-0.9845,0,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,3,1,9,8,2,0,7,0,9,3,0,3,0,22,20,9,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,1,2,2,2,0,13,5,0,2,1,0,0,4,2,5,0,0,6,4,18,3,30,12,3,28,2,2,1,1,7,17,2,2,9,94,31,0,0.0,0.3192051340854484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085016034471018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655912289687635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462343682020056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412348944128518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602061515388405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25397444902580085,0.0,0.06811054087378475,0.09623277796263867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453195362468288,0.0,0.1292206377771552,0.0,0.0,0.10773533320514324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433952308661003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161943241256974,0.1350090954652164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704565453343782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17983233086150435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357004094084783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902315887755304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20489737845863795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185885718008746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503673514515858,0.0,0.1071222650234221,0.0,0.0,0.10734188590220617,0.0,0.0,0.45653254669676707,0.0,0.0,0.15141327571604546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252376508763023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000934378580526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17898310117440033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768392468189474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945208548766805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30980659147111306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569006899719164,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway5897448965,2020/04/12,"Getting Increasingly dissociative from my meds and suicidal from my situation I reaaaaaallly am at the end of my rope at this point. I have no motivation, no one who really truly cares, or at least not people that are ""significant"" to me. I'm tired of hurting everyone. I'm tired of destroying myself and everyone around me. I've now pushed people so far away that it would take days to be found if I did something. I really don't care anymore. I lost my FP and they have made it clear they hate me, I burned every bridge I had there and with everyone else. If only strengthens the notion or idea to off myself. And I seriously want to. I already have a plan, and it's gonna be easy. It really won't matter either. Like I've already hurt enough people that they would probably celebrate one less horrible person in the world. And they're right. I don't want anyone to stop me or convince otherwise. I can look back and see it all myself, no matter what the intentions were. I'm tired of this.",3.1987364945978385,5.182355566326533,4.860552220888357,80.74999399759906,74.96938775510203,8.693397358943576,24.284513805522213,9.325443323948027,2.1289421368547417,785,25,153,20,17,265,116,196,0.21899999999999997,0.6559999999999999,0.126,-0.9606,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,3,3,6,10,2,0,5,0,16,3,0,3,2,31,32,14,1,6,7,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,12,10,0,1,3,0,0,2,7,6,0,2,6,2,25,4,19,20,6,18,0,3,2,0,5,11,0,5,6,105,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610702337866896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731114000875364,0.08271058640276202,0.0,0.0,0.10530250165327454,0.0,0.0,0.1111366340617209,0.09095712337736854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412075258354569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628677345231501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881548079877264,0.0,0.104769155815154,0.1222244047890364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996637857897964,0.3390913116572485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296980452369851,0.0,0.0,0.06180124526795744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167861342023205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532621541361505,0.13353415282871642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05779014724748935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933316901260784,0.0,0.1291266779050367,0.0,0.0,0.11192813823479447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139267833887858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031169964809527,0.08996429672050774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460205933483385,0.10328560103119504,0.0,0.0,0.11182156549463257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753580662245514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273373467806828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101836394599524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426120867421818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329620609732901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106483541705496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889510060352626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938922855236848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893878659268371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4078682381931939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954011608437694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805856327160415,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,waterbottle012222,2020/04/12,"Are people with BPD able to manage their emotions differently in public compared to at home or in private? I’m just now learning about it, so excuse my ignorance, I mean no offense if I cause any, I just want to be educated. I’m asking because according to my research “unstable emotions/moods” is one of the things people with BPD struggle with. But I wonder if this is at all times? Or it depends on the place or person? Or does it not matter who it is and someone with BPD wouldn’t be able to control their emotions no matter where they are? Edit: I want to be educated because I feel like I may have it. I can regulate and keep calm about things in public, like at work if bullsh*t happens, I can laugh it off to myself, despite being filled with rage. But if I’m in private, that rage I have inside me always comes out.",2.9799477351916366,4.834329085365859,4.448083623693378,84.03646341463417,75.21951219512195,6.393031358885017,26.958188153310104,7.1686216300943375,1.4341773519163763,646,25,123,7,14,215,94,164,0.142,0.77,0.08900000000000001,-0.8414,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,3,2,7,9,3,1,2,0,15,0,0,3,1,38,27,13,0,7,13,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,11,9,0,3,4,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,0,1,17,4,25,21,1,16,0,0,0,0,9,12,0,11,4,92,28,5,0.2871817038227174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947909161356697,0.0,0.0,0.09764670323984506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342380631969301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17506330112612348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5425429540388692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750735883351854,0.0,0.12369080451869585,0.0,0.0,0.16104935019655278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002187849243526,0.0,0.0,0.12565732214930536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32304076319997066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260384914874253,0.10258133329628348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269769161291437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144033332149534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763014677993328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403024743796065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641253283215134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730087741559272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19909563388195284,0.1253779933316493,0.15002187849243526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166406285456748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011233533419235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079076323767544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372898047655603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938720953601796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557181537222143,0.10453585035026154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aestheticMexi,2020/04/12,Relationship advice My girlfriend wants to fix her friendship with her ex to help her get over her past. I’m so scared of her leaving that I have been having full on meltdowns on her. I am hurting so much and am so scared of being abandon. I don’t know how to handle myself and I want to lash out and be angry at her. I can’t talk to my therapist because of covid-19. I’m lacking coping skills and ways to stay calm when she talks to her ex. I genuinely want her to be happy and figure things out because deep down I know that’s what she needs but my emotions won’t allow me too. I have been fighting with myself for days on end in my head trying to be ok with it. But I push her away more and more everyday. I even tried to leave her so she couldn’t eventually leave me. I am such a toxic person but I know my intentions are good. But this disorder gets in the way of my rationality. And I genuinely don’t think she understands it’s my illness doing this to me. I love her and support her but my illness gets the better of me even when I have the best intentions. Her ex called her tonight and I told her it was her choice and I wasn’t going to control her even when I was in the middle of opening up to her about finding out my new found birth brother is doing heroin. And she still chose to talk to her ex and give her advice about her and her girlfriend. I tried so hard to understand that she needed a friend and was genuinely just trying to be a good friend but I still tried to fight with her. And got in her face while she was sleeping and started screaming at her that she’s a liar and will never love me. I hate myself for what I have done and need help to get through this.,2.5394071226224213,3.9059350481586432,3.70072339133954,90.9849256373938,75.28895184135978,6.515944961554028,23.37201537838932,7.021680442328713,0.6275318494536632,1324,38,293,13,28,430,154,353,0.11599999999999999,0.721,0.16399999999999998,0.9714,0,0,0,0,4,0,20.0,0,0,0,4,20,21,4,2,8,1,31,7,3,5,1,57,59,34,0,8,7,5,1,0,4,2,2,1,0,1,13,26,0,2,9,0,0,2,7,9,0,0,11,2,73,12,50,40,6,40,0,2,0,2,57,20,0,0,15,224,86,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895080745492511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110273384680737,0.0,0.0,0.11821912762140313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017598178305907,0.08575853294740471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901311106073513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875559618582584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253503785257905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113141834653027,0.0,0.0,0.09922986745225217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907368068005097,0.08588308075158982,0.0,0.0,0.19213535367464396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862515264414346,0.0,0.0,0.10631819647438827,0.14983135733177536,0.0,0.20264289796364224,0.09301860744183008,0.05510800326123341,0.16266093363601514,0.07755255537668962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322209299080294,0.08686247555968117,0.095733834221781,0.09951507422059808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998851017404495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380409131754456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15986990669945675,0.0,0.0,0.3080189286633614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17503117264079412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128115525296906,0.2156971453440561,0.07478614458617468,0.09365035153300208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256500361084986,0.0,0.08466695703350863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041051782567236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941597315748984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703601162478166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686330225215775,0.10335283715688902,0.15487432007840024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100358494885039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338127546804579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258498101947306,0.0644198910996484,0.062131887200864336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926551530509698,0.0,0.32916769044129834,0.0,0.0,0.20189001796381226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715791489086432,0.15393416933025678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bleach-boii,2020/04/12,"Never was able to put my emotions into words until I found this sub I honestly thought I was alone with these feelings and going crazy. I never knew anything about bpd but after stumbling upon it, I’m pretty positive I have this because it explains my behaviours. It explains my irrational fear of abandonment; how an argument or lack of affirmation leads my down a spiral of madness and anxiety. How one thing from a specific person can mess my mood up for a whole day because all I can think about is how I messed up and horrible person I am. It explains my impulsivity. My lack of control when it comes to texting/ calling. Sometimes leaving 100 missed calls at my worse. My impulsive shopping behaviour. BPD explains my clingy ness and my feelings of emptiness. Reading thru this sub and relating to most posts just brought me calmness and clarity. Now I know that I’m not alone with these feelings and other people experience the same and it isn’t necessarily our fault. But I’m also scared. I’m in a relationship and i don’t know if I should come clean with bpd because I’m afraid of the consequences. Just venting advice welcomed.",4.8318605870020965,7.120197542452832,5.534465408805033,76.36074423480086,71.21698113207547,8.296016771488473,33.47589098532495,8.998388855275968,3.28273501048218,917,46,153,19,18,297,129,212,0.247,0.653,0.099,-0.9883,0,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,2,10,13,1,3,7,0,10,0,0,5,3,50,33,19,0,4,7,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,14,15,0,2,13,2,1,6,5,9,0,1,6,3,24,3,26,26,6,21,0,2,0,0,11,7,0,3,7,112,38,2,0.12755957203952642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246497374780177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642264933576935,0.0,0.10200934367400526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758272346433536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497065900860647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23327739345045875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4819704466478205,0.0,0.2605051701350045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197625528312845,0.0,0.0,0.1430689066528967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226537122539387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348734949545414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477773821748216,0.0,0.1435399822164721,0.19349385707843936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139862486716624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249504440155408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020680964383544,0.0,0.0,0.13506716864165405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967636115101163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643766728165507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843374600422979,0.22276019620571172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216680929135988,0.1297739432581391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823260208993115,0.0,0.0,0.12759409147131154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695124253326035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770938455882866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126159678436903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474491161427293,0.0817350231331571,0.0,0.10126805165692036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241570676719226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999410162739494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pukeybaka,2020/04/12,"I can't stand being alone, but I also want to be alone so badly long post ahead: My fiance and I have been together for nearly 4 years, and it's had a LOT of ups and downs due to my mental illnesses. I'm in treatment now, thankfully, and big shoutout to him for being so patient with me during all of this. I am very reclusive nowadays, but I only ever crave his attention and no one else's!! He typically leaves me alone during the week and weekend though, and that's been the thing through our relationship. It has caused me some serious distress and issues where I would split on him, along with other manifestations of this wonderful BPD diagnosis. He does take time for me here and there, but it's still difficult. Also my bar is set high because of my panic over being alone. HOWEVER, due to this quarantine and our limited work, we have been indoors with each other for a month straight and have probably hung out more than we ever have. It should be nice in my case... right? It isn't though. He normally games with friends and doesn't knteract with me at all, but now he has been doing his own thing. He has also been hanging out with me a lot!! I thought that it would satisfy me but now I feel more agitated than ever. I just want him to leave me alone, to talk to his friends, to not look at me or touch me or care about me. I feel more vulnerable than ever and I'm on edge most of the time. It's not his fault, he's a great guy and an incredible person in my life. I do love him, but I've just been so agitated. (But then I swing the other direction to clinging so I don't know what the heck is going on with me) Has anyone else experienced this?",3.6900914935707188,4.686769664688431,4.977644658753711,84.38508222057372,71.93768545994065,8.465331355093966,25.91110286844708,8.841846274778883,1.7024699307616218,1295,40,277,24,24,431,167,337,0.11,0.7290000000000001,0.161,0.9603,1,6,0,0,0,0,41.0,4,0,0,3,23,13,0,2,10,0,32,4,0,1,6,64,47,33,0,6,13,0,3,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,19,27,1,1,6,3,0,2,7,6,0,1,8,5,43,7,46,31,11,43,0,0,1,1,26,19,1,7,19,211,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5151667538977959,0.0,0.2386671606467889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956012813399623,0.10193106620934776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306331542493285,0.0606433044188464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529409766042493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142853009344814,0.10219541855110408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705736942624412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16620889307962952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599486612350261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006021775571368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371909431202355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056537913701889216,0.0,0.0,0.10967925724657204,0.0,0.09850282147560864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510819594154856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383336275357777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05467270604147975,0.0,0.0,0.2106741498721436,0.0,0.0,0.07026707930127928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803844032224295,0.08353982561344969,0.0,0.0,0.16915207939053206,0.08978638989145804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002544585384128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794055840423816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974712388994612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741157845622431,0.07566054455097418,0.0,0.11672069351698798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686384602741518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527625754239824,0.0,0.10725842284723901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680643891771982,0.0,0.08495708524846632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944645446255078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479808402449713,0.07995986405011601,0.0,0.09158966064380757,0.0,0.0,0.13218284198800434,0.0,0.19548112166577805,0.07897759650471617,0.11601750953071087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208306937938756,0.1173541232968194,0.0,0.07979846049802777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788398640916304,0.07242408151445395,0.0,0.0,0.1413383183896483,0.0,0.0,0.06406314696445785 bpd,iamwhoiamdocta,2020/04/12,"not asking for a diagnosis, just guidance; no one in my life can relate and its getting harder every day to feel normal With everything being in quarantine I dont know how to go about getting the help I think I need. I am starting here and I hope some of you can help my shed light on this. I have been looking back on my life and questioning my decisions, maybe I wasn't just a crazy teenager, maybe I was just lost and no-one showed me the light, maybe when I was diagnosed with ADD and given aderoll when I failed out of college, I should have been diagnosed with something else. I thought maybe PMDD but im starting to think its more intense than that, its cyclical, it definitely gets worse with hormones but im starting to feel like I need to know more. I am a 28 year old female, I have an extremely reckless past behind me, I have totaled 2 cars, got a DUI by 16, have had sex with a lot of people, I yo yo diet like crazy gaining and losing 30 pounds in a year. I go weeks where I shut everyone out of my life an di just wanna be a recluse, then inspiration runs through me and I feel like I can take on the world. I drove 100 mph the other night black out drunk. I am fucking reckless, ill go a few years where nothing happens then boom I bomb my life with a crazy decision and ruin everything. I have been feeling fucking crazy lately, I have had a boyfriend for years and im getting violent I can't quite ever get my point across enough, like nothing ever satisfies me. I will attack him physically for an hour and go back and forth from anger and craziness to sobbing with my ears plugged like a fukcing child. I feel like im losing my mind. the thing is im sooo fucking rational, im a level headed person I have sustained so many friendships. I have had a job for so long, but I never move forward, I have been in the same place for years afraid to leave my comfort zone, but I never once have felt like I want to kill myself or harm myself. but I have made some crazy choices that are basically someone who doesn't care about life. I have always been the crazy friend and im starting to think the role I was in isn't just who I am , maybe it requires more, maybe since my friends were on low doses of antidepressants they were able to succeed and because I never did that im behind in life, while they flourish. I feel empty and full at the same time, I feel nothing sometimes, I can shut out everything and act like nothing matters cuz in the moment it really doesn't to me. I am so black and white, I either am a pack a day smoker or I quit cold turkey, I am either a full face of makeup or look like a disheveled mess. I am in deep despair then I turn on a show I like and boom the feelings gone and I couldn't give a shit to breathe life into it. am I just a normal person because no one is normal, or should I look at the decisions I have made in life and think maybe there's something deeper going on, maybe I need a mood stabilizer, maybe I need help. I have gone to therapist but never anyone who said hey these choices your making ARENT NORMAL. just looking for some thoughts on this, just looking to talk to people because I dont feel I have anyone in my life who can really relate and give me advice on this.",5.579996728952856,5.110622062027236,6.0692791429856525,83.3681228278203,67.41149773071105,8.658805250030667,30.572883019176512,7.824948511530503,1.8651975385370243,2537,84,531,25,37,823,277,661,0.14,0.721,0.139,-0.7155,3,1,3,0,0,1,54.0,0,2,2,9,25,37,8,1,36,0,61,24,5,5,7,113,124,42,1,14,21,0,10,10,2,3,13,4,0,3,20,34,2,1,23,3,0,13,16,19,0,2,27,25,84,17,69,91,16,85,0,8,8,4,25,39,5,10,45,354,104,5,0.046100807269892005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04504917531344568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03835956470722149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446951268053519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0430980316458149,0.052446323598127495,0.0,0.07089735031507942,0.0,0.08430787265850953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04700284546939874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946241372890205,0.0,0.0,0.09358269792914188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805960555883322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03851130894761081,0.0,0.0,0.04763445743237114,0.0,0.0,0.08340163899328636,0.03884191843639774,0.044051296953075136,0.12429729893089833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097895799693594,0.09880327777496307,0.044264004551087616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123473867744333,0.1278583603875108,0.12042884528933755,0.08844819016871061,0.13100075582500034,0.0,0.036871026962623975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04076679161851144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04731272834212856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270119804909356,0.0,0.0,0.04578850363877759,0.045400008860390466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39837426231783396,0.0,0.04574793774411074,0.0,0.051003712841287886,0.0,0.050671596070532655,0.0,0.05200371861026285,0.04881409846772963,0.0,0.0,0.2930612718381121,0.22522525790347886,0.0,0.0,0.040797763726052164,0.19356533660853756,0.1031500224104015,0.05032447695423516,0.0391932577603933,0.0,0.08724339701931806,0.030772646831288126,0.04673898276385155,0.41683011545030696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046548673479705004,0.0,0.0,0.048997862334273896,0.0,0.13673265779766824,0.14222313836463782,0.0,0.0,0.04326248466846305,0.18067601198523772,0.17693987168443634,0.0,0.048375042239257364,0.04909585517484915,0.062478200208697175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04400843695418557,0.06392099025594561,0.08050689343407877,0.04816553154038231,0.0,0.043580163967818095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05164345480766437,0.09806776638412593,0.0,0.0,0.05906671523145764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04385242469230678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04732181617614243,0.03813506416625211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039061064397005366,0.07098130743605296,0.04559487718451277,0.0,0.13052155466072954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034662069750704606,0.037054082615996686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053526590459754525,0.03062732788271695,0.1181581433181431,0.0,0.0731977829243035,0.026881751451945515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05014444012958465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02719145055851242,0.0,0.036979286834079854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04698066111016986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843704203736166 bpd,fuxkinconfused,2020/04/12,"looking for advice !! my girlfriend has BPD and has serrrious abandonment issues. Since we met I've been more than happy to spend my spare time with her, but now that we're in quarantine and I dont have school or work I feel like I'm starting to lose my individuality. I know that we need to spend more time apart and not be constantly texting/ on ft when we are apart, it is best for the relationship. I love her and care about her so much so I've been worried about bringing this up because I know it'll trigger her. Any tips? Also any tips on dating someone with BPD would be great bc thats the only reason im on reddit lol thanks!! >.<",2.8252324774462174,4.56090652671756,3.8270645385149216,88.83582234559334,75.33587786259542,6.290353920888273,24.122831367106176,6.980632752743323,0.7429938931297708,509,16,108,5,11,164,88,131,0.057999999999999996,0.706,0.235,0.9849,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,3,0,0,3,7,9,0,0,2,1,12,1,0,2,0,20,24,10,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,1,4,0,2,1,2,2,0,0,3,2,15,7,15,17,4,15,0,2,1,1,11,7,0,1,8,65,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398093828351126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419673581180622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282316453247297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022947624607822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610511264080994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42269893043387774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710923817903152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813418315190117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19667080903026926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484923401573857,0.1198827287609941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18500993101270288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863571988137858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18126243396342065,0.17514891842009414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18444679198131764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198296385935194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409172323150521,0.1877352619790844,0.0,0.0,0.15145410551380692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233588674056917,0.12442819076960887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276262483825013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725355223017281,0.0,0.18016398352749968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983158987345967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881327593620765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218395665640152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187760200412644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154495911283328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19570146601456195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221668951908067,0.1704181078552307,0.0,0.11920664486236543,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wildpinkzozo,2020/04/12,"Please read! Okay, so, I tried to commit suicide a week ago (not the first time, but the first time trying to cut myself to do it). Okay, so, my stitches got infected so they were taken out. Then my wound opened. And now I'm just sitting here, in pain, feeling a bit sorry for myself. What's next?",1.2325000000000017,3.2899092500000044,2.4700000000000024,95.165,81.5,4.666666666666667,18.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,-0.4701666666666666,225,5,49,1,6,72,48,60,0.228,0.644,0.128,-0.8738,0,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,1,2,6,4,1,0,4,2,2,3,0,0,1,8,6,6,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,3,1,6,2,6,3,1,13,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,9,32,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180101658234504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685017906512288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435419449028305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4183913318061824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19669995872877247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615590143175496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261696533740582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699672687455767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24600564647696696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753086780138576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690174489714229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28681812451358424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33395299902192604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19727750467749092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AlwaysLooking4TheSun,2020/04/12,I just broke up with my boyfriend and I don't know how i feel;; I would write more in my post why we broke up not I am not sure why my posts are always rejected that's' why I don't wrote more. If it's not rejected i am willing to share more details. I am looking for support at this time.,1.1564615384615389,2.005204030769235,2.913846153846155,97.32615384615387,77.92307692307692,6.430769230769231,23.76923076923077,6.742157984588678,0.3729076923076926,222,7,58,2,5,74,42,65,0.188,0.71,0.102,-0.7641,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,1,15,13,3,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,2,12,3,7,10,3,7,0,4,1,0,4,4,0,1,1,40,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081966437700584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265148363066344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751011405990907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21011528018998826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.479268358581574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839379066309527,0.2358220931889432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590078051387087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6773329377979446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17774361002042555,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,exnihilo666,2020/04/12,"do you ever get scared you’ll fall out of love? i am incredibly in love with my girlfriend. she is everything to me. after countless traumatic relationship experiences, she makes me feel safe and i am incredibly in love with her and i’d do anything for her. it’s so hard to be functional without her but that’s it’s own different issue. do you ever get scared that one day you’ll just... stop being in love? you’ll abandon the one you love most and more than anything in the world because you just.... stopped? one day you just wake up and stopped being madly in love? that scares me just as much as being abandoned. what if i never find this kind of love ever again? what if I’m no better than everyone who abandoned me for having mental illness? i guess the point of this post is validation of my feelings, but also see what other people with bpd feel like with this. thank you so much!!!",3.2433333333333323,5.182547428571431,4.266285714285715,85.25504761904764,74.71428571428572,6.9523809523809526,24.809523809523807,7.793537801064563,1.3073809523809516,700,23,138,10,15,227,94,175,0.18600000000000005,0.613,0.201,0.8482,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,9,0,1,11,19,1,3,3,0,15,9,1,1,4,36,32,13,0,2,9,0,4,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,13,9,0,7,4,0,0,1,3,7,0,3,0,5,24,12,25,25,5,22,0,3,1,7,24,9,0,4,12,106,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099512165896881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666927948128889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061740523571344935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957563520244761,0.0,0.0,0.12756104345049166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063693012307748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581805856164647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748459085849473,0.0,0.09677922305889668,0.09102566667269653,0.0990731605876542,0.0,0.0,0.15363355874943235,0.07235582998399301,0.0,0.0,0.09256984780606924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058312548063904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111573462909208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072871417107176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057120195215976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546954288831684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04948123433540973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6398762637066552,0.0,0.06760647376558081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206836220157682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890774224565878,0.0,0.07811486712065327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058937679209628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021613666352987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957441596799645,0.0,0.09700009062761207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087388875452103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042026377227908,0.0,0.08070858402857897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540286820847093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324679214071847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763216485571956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kroka4loka,2020/04/12,"Symptoms are spiraling. I don’t want to kill myself but I’m scared I’ll get “backed into a wall” I am sure a lot of us are struggling in quarantine. My hearts go out to everyone who is mentally suffering during this. If you can lend a helping hand, I will appreciate it, but I understand if you’re mentally incapable at the moment. I am 29F and have been at my uncles house since the lockdown was announced in my state. My GF and I have an apartment with a roommate (R) in a nearby city, but R’s boyfriend and situations surrounding him have left us feeling less than comfortable with being stuck locked up with him. We intend to address that situation with her, but she has been struggling for a while since her line of work would have been more damning than others (she’s a tattoo artist) and their shop shut down before a lot of other businesses. While being at my uncles is by no means a bad thing, he operates through life a lot differently than I do. I spend a lot of free time with video games, art and reading where he likes to go for walks, mountain bike, and golf. Obviously he can’t do those things like he’d want, but he has a really big yard and is constantly on my ass to go outside (much like if I were his child). He likes to plan absolutely everything (what we will eat tomorrow, what we will accomplish tomorrow, etc) whereas I like to see what I’m in the mood for as it strikes me. While none of those characteristics about him are bad, they have just caused a lot of anxiety for me in trying to feel some semblance of normalcy in all of this. I’ve been really paranoid lately. As my anxiety swells, it just gets worse. I think everyone is mad at me, talking about me, lying to me, or anything along those lines. It’s making me not want to communicate with people I normally would want to, and I’m starting to want to hide a lot. I feel like people are silently judging me a lot as well. I am normally decent at reading people’s emotions but now I can’t do it and feel like everyone just wants me to shut up and go away. Then the brain fog starts to get worse. I can normally get work done online, but trying to organize my thoughts to do that has been an absolute bust. I also feel like the days having absolutely no meaning to them. The time goes by abruptly and in a dizzying whir, then it’s bed time and then I do the same thing all over again and I hate it. It all feels stupid and useless and like I said.. I don’t want to kill my self but is this existence really worth it? I keep drinking to cope with stuff, but that only gets me so far. Plus, the hangovers the next day. I’m too broke to afford my medications now, and the withdrawals will start tomorrow. My stimulus check would have been sent to my apartment and I’m not there to get it. I’m actually over an hour away. Idk. Everything feels dumb and I really am tired of even putting in effort anymore",4.2551689774696735,5.208921499133453,5.2305506932409,83.25463019930676,70.57712305025997,8.95890814558059,28.28981802426344,9.255337874911486,2.219823604852686,2263,80,469,46,40,743,268,577,0.172,0.716,0.11199999999999999,-0.9937,2,2,1,0,0,1,61.0,5,1,3,5,16,29,7,3,29,0,53,10,4,3,5,93,98,43,2,16,18,0,8,9,1,7,4,1,3,2,29,32,2,1,12,11,5,7,9,15,1,0,13,10,63,14,79,75,17,68,0,3,1,1,32,33,3,12,36,324,92,5,0.0,0.0,0.062268451438354966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05102809324715722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976275335750163,0.0,0.06328145517876173,0.0,0.0,0.05250943083434116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990145056250325,0.04906523903667246,0.10655582259666524,0.0,0.0,0.054296822025228716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123202926461482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065549495788936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895494016590162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823031475884523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666690102957475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652988365127251,0.0,0.06250859993492214,0.0,0.06529261242823273,0.0,0.07177661953438573,0.0,0.0,0.07116398443003062,0.04214529143305308,0.0,0.0,0.18291691341968466,0.11469496215874063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258464946542196,0.13675564517124736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000256445615011,0.0,0.1450566684362261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629982499230127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561405965634417,0.04276987711624226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283908431281156,0.07362710397025768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05671643662425516,0.14119057207041052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197941454987479,0.0,0.0693287453632711,0.0,0.045070235868320895,0.2805650129466679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797373488474138,0.0,0.0,0.042593052232788836,0.0,0.0,0.13901357523172125,0.0,0.06428092877690009,0.1286090766289983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04690701119339407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786167386169242,0.0,0.18755803306155885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04852967595560677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271153233924365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414574333192251,0.0,0.0,0.12765268284033754,0.0,0.16351090634912593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060697041294308335,0.0,0.06388401443529351,0.0,0.05084757041290658,0.0,0.06656678019296927,0.0,0.0,0.10556705042885248,0.14344814484505386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549317253196486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341419669728455,0.07304612328934026,0.0,0.0,0.060139296886954026,0.06632205971394489,0.0,0.051287316458476895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717573987814554,0.04088627797984865,0.0,0.050657277037496416,0.11162275217782766,0.07333914361454265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664434511611273,0.0,0.0,0.06642749615136616,0.15350891830323002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634537146549621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057372020488648125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290753134643273,0.0,0.130053795084136,0.13598440572164167,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gumpypiggy,2020/04/13,"There is a guy that is not attracted back to me and I’m okay with this and I hope we can still be good friends Usually I’d feel so rejected and want to go cry although I don’t feel the urge to do this. Its okay to not be attracted to someone that likes you. I know I’ve felt this way before and its okay. I know who I am as a person and I’m okay with being an average looking woman at this point. He said he still wants to be good friends and I am okay with this.",-0.9512857142857136,0.9212831333333328,1.532976190476191,99.65660714285715,89.09523809523809,5.404761904761906,18.27380952380953,6.816661863887847,-0.15161904761904801,359,10,93,5,12,122,59,105,0.10300000000000001,0.6509999999999999,0.24600000000000002,0.9146,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,1,0,0,5,14,0,0,4,5,11,0,0,0,0,20,24,9,0,3,2,0,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,10,10,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,5,9,13,11,18,0,8,0,1,1,0,11,2,0,1,5,59,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972996739499795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676118127661666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22817939338797216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21006698099838764,0.0,0.199451403255432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209801899724628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180565782143022,0.34846468929714297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20568332445341114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063207203311261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283236919921165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148538116466388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17443915614830754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18138002910050746,0.0,0.0,0.1963700515946553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19759684487965812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17600721366368294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317836103596345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22878298379268536,0.0,0.24504664796817366,0.16488477377091926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cassiadian,2020/04/13,"I feel like I’ve done everything I can My FP and I got into a fight recently because I was jealous over him spending time with a friend. He threatened if I kept messaging him, he might end the friendship. So I waited. I gave him 3 days before I sent him a message telling him I was heading up to a place that has no service. I told him to take all the time he needed, and I apologized. He thanked me and told me to have a good day. Well today I haven’t heard back from him, and it’s tearing me apart. We have been through so much together. We were SO close before this quarantine and then shit hit the fan. He has an autoimmune disease and someone in my house got sick, then I got sick. I haven’t been able to spend time with him. So I sent him a series of messages. I asked him if there was anything I could do. There had been many times in the past where when we were fighting, he would call me the next day. He would show up at my house to go hang out. He has pushed an apology before. So I figured I could do the same. I gave him offers to do things for him. Then I sent him a list of lessons I’ve learned not to do. I just want my friend back. I’ve tried talking to my mom, and my friends about him. They all think he’s manipulating me and abusive. He has my stuff so even if he refuses my apology, I can use it as a way to get my stuff back. You guys would understand, how stressful it is not to hear back from your FP when your obsession got in the way.",1.588550581251546,2.9952188135048274,2.9618167202572363,95.13262367054169,77.90675241157555,6.4566411080880535,23.85864457086322,7.1686216300943375,0.6274451150136038,1125,37,271,13,26,366,153,311,0.114,0.787,0.099,-0.8316,0,1,0,0,3,0,32.0,3,3,1,1,21,13,4,2,17,0,31,4,2,3,2,45,58,24,0,10,6,1,1,1,3,4,2,2,0,1,8,16,0,3,6,1,2,6,5,6,1,0,23,3,58,7,29,28,4,42,0,0,0,0,60,13,1,4,22,183,66,2,0.10076882874408874,0.1193945842209284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292415999572894,0.0,0.09420525208374757,0.0,0.0,0.3099400368624668,0.0,0.06142774269994317,0.0,0.2572405538588531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289624077819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091142023586527,0.0,0.0,0.19496267442819284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312149799526776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925127249428247,0.0,0.0,0.06655686101201233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056452566360043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050951747577538696,0.07198927138934103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335612413593863,0.0,0.052647553938757925,0.0,0.057269247593835323,0.08452011260584431,0.3223761510173691,0.0,0.0,0.09977698330933442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341789009923154,0.0,0.1135737936499846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23254739777749955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04923055969421432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216377605342757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689980293151774,0.0,0.11801923432898564,0.0,0.0,0.07407668373694462,0.07471880967654905,0.0,0.0,0.10716879256677564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619524926687342,0.0,0.0,0.10528197848567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949706154270672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034377546188274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853811015876572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543035286402036,0.0,0.23071240036186144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576561838008337,0.08099416748910725,0.08807639788825025,0.09277439878844168,0.0,0.0,0.06694633220269393,0.0645685965922422,0.0,0.0,0.2350364576085309,0.0,0.09551706705951836,0.19257786843652488,0.0,0.06841542007759449,0.0,0.0,0.10490390452621387,0.0,0.08703191388677327,0.0,0.0,0.059436066023589876,0.1599712117083252,0.0,0.0,0.0906032788907602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21474985422258228,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lozza511,2020/04/13,"I’m going to be alone forever DAE develop romantic or platonic feelings for someone super quick? Every friendship I’ve had has started with me almost idolising that person to the point where I never see their flaws until they do something to hurt me. Then I feel so betrayed that I can’t see anything but their flaws. With romance it’s even worse as time and time again I start with a crush on someone that in the moment feels almost like love, it makes me feel like I’m at the top of the world. Then it just stops. No reason. This normally happens about 2/3 weeks later when I’ll just either lose feelings completely or start to find everything they do irritating. I’ve tried to stop this happening in so many different ways in order to not hurt them but inevitably they always end up hating me and saying that I lead them on. But I didn’t lead them on because I truly did feel the things I told them, I just lost those feelings just as fast. It’s gotten to the point that I’ve resigned myself to a life alone because it breaks my heart to have hurt so many people, especially when a lot of them are my friends.",6.0165610859728496,6.111200067873305,6.150407239819003,81.2460633484163,66.42081447963801,8.971945701357468,30.12217194570136,8.617729084823388,2.160250678733032,889,29,173,12,13,283,128,221,0.19399999999999998,0.679,0.127,-0.9442,1,2,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,10,6,14,13,1,0,9,0,10,3,1,4,1,35,33,17,0,1,11,0,7,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,14,5,0,2,9,0,0,3,5,7,0,0,6,10,26,6,27,26,2,39,0,6,2,1,15,13,0,5,22,113,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191006208800619,0.2266149779406135,0.0,0.0,0.09103123675826924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002853299591118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333809003506581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470592656141552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430181595400113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968977090764914,0.0,0.0,0.07225899614820153,0.0,0.09217591232633196,0.0,0.09832347276577104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38721860574216604,0.0781568181692851,0.0,0.0,0.09999145562338116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452372193810385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062175683744256985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934876731800404,0.0,0.0,0.10801183581234623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964190920679192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.351351344877697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727387542641108,0.10689659245426253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239286581234747,0.11942521796903023,0.09300967708433272,0.09873958582669294,0.0,0.07302669153725387,0.22183293466913892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084377574926822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719074205547337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584557909121127,0.09552561574676448,0.0,0.0,0.20684052357725508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248348768539476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700086983426829,0.0,0.0,0.1743584761039322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853919369676473,0.0842230125907347,0.0,0.0,0.23230591838822656,0.0,0.0,0.18292995897147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726818345579369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758638423435073,0.0,0.0,0.10453830936432096,0.0,0.07427678380103073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683822369994842,0.08775569380513187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148999518690478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,breatheart,2020/04/13,"How did your diagnosis change your life/therapy treatment? I've now had a couple therapists want to go through the formal process of diagnosing me with BPD. Even though it's not formally recognized, my old therapist diagnosed me with cPTSD instead. I think this was due to my trauma not being childhood related. I was talking to a friend about how lately I'm struggling. One minute I'm living life and the next I'm crying about something that happened months ago. The big difference I've read in treating BPD vs. cPTSD is that with BPD you validate your emotions and cPTSD you remind yourself those emotions don't matter anymore. I am asking this question because I'm wondering others experiences with diagnosis and how it's helped you to have a name for your brain illness. I'm pretty nervous to add another diagnosis to my laundry list and I'm not sure a name will help me or make me feel more broken and alone. I'd like to feel better again, but it's been 3 years since I felt healed and my trauma keeps resurfacing lately. How has your diagnosis affected the way you handle your emotions? Does having a confirmed diagnosis make things easier to address it? How do you address your emotions in therapy, do you validate yourself or remind yourself it's delusion? tl;dr: I haven't been formally diagnosed because I decline when my therapists have offered in the past. I've been struggling a lot and I'm wondering how a formal diagnosis could/would help me.",5.324478362965451,7.508064173431734,5.977928547467292,74.14385357262665,69.62730627306273,9.060114055686011,33.720395840322034,9.573946990214177,3.630909963099631,1185,58,193,28,22,385,142,271,0.098,0.815,0.087,0.299,0,1,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,13,0,1,14,10,0,3,12,0,19,7,1,9,1,42,39,18,0,1,7,0,3,1,1,1,6,0,2,0,12,12,0,1,7,1,0,1,5,5,0,1,8,3,29,5,20,29,2,19,0,0,0,0,23,4,0,6,14,120,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812099807302337,0.0,0.0,0.09488412111455752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606490902340208,0.0,0.0,0.0908561320439102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564640389114926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169367195629164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102483615981332,0.0,0.0,0.3461525878970881,0.1022711414953932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969151033007796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073146051750744,0.10136877076268916,0.1006333021672296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789578051939066,0.0,0.09571677430284817,0.0,0.0,0.08017173004717325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4122121404231124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06050995750103541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961573743024054,0.0,0.0,0.09264523697906693,0.0,0.08796347923212533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707804854057787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05206615344124801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101365577433277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842201127548957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143042919030145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20668839470624653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129418872866775,0.04475780602560945,0.0,0.08089653901689149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788665643811434,0.0,0.0,0.1223056570644162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312514827911673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743216529521256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613312366383137,0.0,0.0620797860728494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745560347098512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320402653907796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262826444467206,0.0,0.09163845059455576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578376513431523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052867025750081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19154897493142453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863447890626704,0.0,0.0,0.07363558854906167,0.0,0.0,0.20953640572286134,0.3191115564005655,0.060864043989455725,0.05870233325746725,0.09000995446333186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0540361094924092,0.07271865796159513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987022096305369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507971457175908,0.0,0.0,0.05899619249072551 bpd,mwooddog,2020/04/13,"FML Guy I was seeing essentially dumped me..and I use ""seeing"" lightly. We dated, were friends, dated on and off...I DO NOT want to work in a pandemic do not get me wrong but after deliberating between 2 job offers I chose the one that happened to be at his place of work because of the benefits, and it was a permanent position. Applying there was NEVER about him, but the past 2 weeks I've been there he dodges me the small time our shift overlap. ...yesterday I discovered in a 1.5 hour window he completely took me off of his Facebook. He took the TIME OUT OF HIS DAY to unfriend me. Not block me just unfriend me. Which imo is worse. That is a harsh message. And I came crashing down hard. I thought things were ok. I did a LOT of crying yesterday and I'm definitely hurt...today I be been trying to entertain myself so I dont think about it...but I cant stop thinking about him. What happened? What went wrong? Where do I go from here? I didn't have issues facing him at work I'm an adultwoek is shockingly too busy anyways...do I ignore him completely? Do I make it a point to say something? Idk what to do. I'm so sad I'm not even crying half as much as I assumed I would be today. I wish I knew what to do. ..he's clearly not even a friend anymore. I was so afraid of this....",0.17897727272726982,2.4834107613636403,2.414090909090909,92.00363636363636,89.11363636363637,5.4727272727272736,21.25757575757576,6.980632752743323,0.6308575757575752,987,35,214,15,33,333,144,264,0.14,0.74,0.12,-0.7392,1,0,1,0,0,0,50.0,2,0,0,3,14,12,1,1,13,1,26,1,1,2,2,31,48,11,0,3,8,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,11,7,0,3,5,1,0,5,9,7,0,2,16,5,35,5,29,28,2,32,0,1,2,0,19,13,0,2,14,141,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223434098043228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520122403017322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109494102976214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586884946272157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27101795002801543,0.07955923015009209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445810637250451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629608120278224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906206160738381,0.0,0.06445231949558232,0.0,0.07011030080301897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214922680053247,0.21817981164673347,0.0,0.1105094347388232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148816461462937,0.0,0.1320631421239814,0.0,0.0,0.12875940796872856,0.12241920499458997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487920751778704,0.0,0.0,0.08234607167949419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068634210319786,0.0,0.0951455103168879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359427742757816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776438743797753,0.0,0.0,0.12888856569440685,0.0,0.1166183502372402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981035798382878,0.0,0.0,0.19660942141761026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497122334128387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313738166617524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195720540416086,0.15809265599634598,0.0,0.09793681239886444,0.1438684585091696,0.0,0.2338682830568854,0.0,0.274122700350583,0.08375569581817555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654642619612384,0.0,0.0,0.0727629686531894,0.0,0.09895473148574296,0.0,0.0,0.114359169173601,0.0,0.0,0.14186189805718138,0.0,0.0,0.2694302181258801,0.0,0.1257179113820848,0.08763386697942475,0.26975716892661056,0.0,0.0 bpd,idi0thuman,2020/04/13,"Boyfriend keeps hurting me hi, I have bpd and my boyfriend (now ex) knows this. yet he still manages to hurt me and bring me down by cheating on me every so often (few months). and somehow I always find out. And now I feel so bad like I want to die I feel like I am not good enough for anyone and maybe my bpd has to play a huge part. I don’t know what to do I just broke up with him today. I am so sad I feel like crawling back to him because I have no one else.",-1.087750809061486,0.789296398058255,0.8176941747572819,104.48796521035601,89.87378640776699,3.4333333333333336,16.350323624595465,3.1291,-1.353264724919094,351,8,92,0,12,114,68,103,0.248,0.63,0.12300000000000001,-0.9508,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,11,11,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,19,15,8,1,1,2,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,6,1,0,1,3,6,0,1,0,3,19,5,12,15,3,13,0,4,0,0,5,5,0,2,10,63,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459277083565748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226276720831054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348540831862611,0.14643246467923146,0.10690818789155963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4417623697372704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820136315531206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650497479391145,0.0,0.0,0.1812113162641316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477626815856294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26602763331369483,0.25057871943828625,0.0,0.0,0.1602913955031229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709790205411116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754893991107242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558831305568285,0.0,0.0,0.1927652190472015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25704102223834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761897629731579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998424359942635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188399900818224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18991619438662816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400562941349393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623688423535604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344189505747488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cami-p,2020/04/13,"What does a psychotic episode look like? I was just reading about LSD and how people who have BPD shouldn't do LSD because it can trigger a psychotic episode. But I thought psychosis is where you imagine seeing things and voices, isn't BPD a personality disorder? Why would BPD and LSD trigger this? I've suspected I've had BPD for a while but I've never heard voices or seen things.",4.404099099099104,6.352578148648652,4.6875675675675685,83.42207207207208,71.56756756756756,7.636036036036036,31.25225225225225,8.344100000000001,2.3853765765765766,309,14,58,5,6,97,50,74,0.022000000000000002,0.9179999999999999,0.06,0.3546,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,9,0,0,3,1,16,14,8,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,0,1,6,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,6,3,1,2,7,0,3,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,3,35,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165094246962564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8400771188256955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19111312424988391,0.0,0.14592647508096376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814669817132753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003033127456468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286100182569444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156053764295664,0.14560208913152706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16679789832745498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328803702549378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22156626514927372,0.0,0.0,0.1323830750257611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15046844059010306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845638532615005,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,zaike153,2020/04/13,"I think I screwed up Idk if this person is being manipulative or it's my bpd. So there's this girl I grew really close to her and we seemed ok. She starts to grow distant from me. I texted her asking If we were ok, she said she needed space, this pissed me off so i overreacted and blocked her. Once she had realised I blocked her I apologised and explained I was wrong and it was to do with bpd. She then began to accuse me of spreading rumours about her, which wasn't the case and then refused to talk about it or take it back. I found out a little later she was giving me space so I wasn't dependant on her, it was really upsetting and we were ok for a while then she suddenly stopped speaking to me at all and left me on read. Did I screw up here?",1.3054008438818556,3.1978256582278486,2.931924050632912,92.80316033755275,80.39240506329114,6.2386497890295365,21.29282700421941,7.3011,0.4881353586497896,586,17,134,8,15,193,89,158,0.19,0.747,0.063,-0.9648,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,3,0,0,0,8,8,3,1,3,3,13,3,1,2,1,29,24,18,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,9,13,0,4,4,1,0,2,2,5,0,0,13,2,34,3,19,10,1,24,0,0,0,2,26,12,3,6,10,100,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951148890153349,0.0,0.0,0.16048445961396154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5257237564482719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288388191047789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20021284208754608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267631107844506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20918140612627825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475519607375424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22226844168378307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822367864320438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20876563760947034,0.0,0.2674088617688734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985302031241057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900009788274084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477254162152101,0.0,0.0,0.17449020142136826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569233126011514,0.1677525153956145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373240110616666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281907005028193,0.0,0.0 bpd,btj3,2020/04/13,"DAE get into day long ""moods"" where it feels like EVERYTHING is bad? I get into really a bad mood that can last a day or two where I'm just PISSED for no reason. Every thing will set me off from my boyfriend asking me if I want to go for a walk or take a nap (trying to help me snap put of it) to seeing someone post a status I disagree with. It gets to a point where I'll feel like I want to die, like actually die, and that's the only thing that will make me happy. I think about how tedious life is and how I hate cleaning my apartment and how I hate maintaining my body and how meaningless things are and i just spiral. Does anyone else get like this or have advice how to snap out of it?",7.961171171171173,4.2943071891891895,8.142162162162162,80.62130630630631,64.94594594594594,11.21801801801802,31.423423423423422,8.344100000000001,2.01750990990991,536,10,125,5,6,177,89,148,0.21,0.6759999999999999,0.114,-0.9647,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,11,12,3,0,7,0,7,3,2,7,0,27,24,14,2,3,6,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,11,9,0,0,4,1,0,3,1,5,0,1,0,3,15,5,17,22,0,18,0,0,1,0,2,9,1,4,8,78,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.137026480814743,0.0,0.0,0.13721361113590122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981826479787716,0.14387354164234342,0.0,0.0,0.13127069505324745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23448422184058804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597134109912786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811143590938153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29146080995498125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287963357211465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730016661803006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830715778971325,0.0,0.12619750988469053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199784344794567,0.20062749119878426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934478002245651,0.0,0.07980206804325574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947622851387196,0.0,0.2772649161826061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411837954440888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445838254606885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918049458224283,0.2744021016227323,0.0,0.0,0.1242643943683932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093729262889981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679325657969704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327392039990183,0.0,0.13448042011941375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115760493451127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995455786318514,0.14437179291722255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189396027550397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897464633776315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557591180851487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27985992389365,0.08997337585532204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533374782503383,0.0,0.13716674956056332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564286014990456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fae-prince,2020/04/13,"Does anyone else look at baby pictures of themselves and know its you, but for some reason you feel absolutely nothing, like its someone else entirely? Im going through my memory boxes (boxes i keep of junk that means something to me) and I found a bunch of baby pictures.",3.710588235294118,6.316671823529415,4.815450980392161,78.70552941176472,75.86274509803921,6.432941176470589,27.84705882352941,7.554174236665415,2.013381176470588,217,9,35,3,5,71,40,51,0.063,0.937,0.0,-0.4736,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,10,7,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,7,6,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832811139755552,0.2685739642051468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293838737255758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4379369603459692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253626513970695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874021723861549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896941801450853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831356851517174,0.0,0.0,0.23298520907328404,0.0,0.0,0.14405485924404374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280590916470338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220115642545425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855266375773711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515121911167056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695040679513742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220942922658558,0.20179356966427045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thekillerkrab,2020/04/13,"Staying home with my boyfriend and it’s making me feel like I just do not love him anymore. I want to be single again! I want new experiences! But maybe it’s just the quarantine talking? We’ve been together almost a year. We’ve been under stay at home orders for a month. Over the last couple weeks I just feel so bored with him. He is the sweetest and he tries so hard but I just feel blah when I think about him, romantically. I love him as a person but not as a partner right now. I find myself obsessing over my ex before him, which I haven’t done in a looooong time. I’m craving that single life, even though I have always hated it and just spent my single time wishing I was with someone who cared about me. Idk. There is a lot of good about him but I also feel like... ehh. He’s not super motivated and with this whole situation I know he’s been depressed and lethargic and I can’t really blame him. I am working from home and I feel like I’m the only one doing anything all day. I just crave excitement but maybe that’s not his fault. Idk. Anyone else feeling this way?",0.8075113122171942,3.173517104072399,2.408257918552035,92.9360067873303,86.10407239819006,5.0289592760180994,18.907239819004523,6.490185161304077,0.005883257918552154,844,23,181,9,26,275,126,221,0.183,0.69,0.127,-0.9334,0,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,3,18,14,1,1,10,0,14,3,0,2,1,43,33,19,0,3,15,1,7,4,1,0,1,0,3,2,9,11,0,0,10,0,1,0,6,5,0,1,6,7,31,9,18,26,6,21,0,1,0,2,19,6,0,2,14,120,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791200345281436,0.0,0.0,0.09416653908054946,0.09797941657893101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167787240903202,0.08233520489320967,0.12065123291842073,0.09690017902118774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019860605850056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005640344960307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302907734015124,0.0,0.07594054638002751,0.0,0.10141995594412494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050157176375577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836700732079777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777433919721928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518442663241342,0.0,0.0,0.3572348610074673,0.2523669803441351,0.0,0.0,0.10762354587000587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987651131204596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054830072938371,0.11625610101964935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35434572680484605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471363085070912,0.09598390930252296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831719912932522,0.17258360101308262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010886615895463,0.21255224815268334,0.0,0.07860063079786428,0.0,0.2365961937962876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939888296237799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137259863960332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979206297142054,0.08955599428937383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028168399388566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543519252347733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055989269582297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235861344218086,0.0,0.0,0.09977121298902908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510167481507799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464490601738733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545097314530985,0.1156911195886668,0.0,0.13732472430197354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994613938410859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890681408886466,0.09346636163436227,0.09445385986942627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146633174931718,0.13540943054182694,0.0,0.0,0.08572513810222201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582867474398097 bpd,AdditionalFeeling1,2020/04/13,"I havent stopped thinking about a guy I saw briefly First off, I want to say that I have no sense of self or stability. I've found this problem started since I was about mid 20s. I've barely known the guy, we only knew each other for not even a month but I haven't stopped thinking about him since this past October. It's not healthy to be this consumed by someone you've known for such a short time and still feel almost the same way as when they left. He's done the most damage out of every guy I've ever met. And he was a sense of comfort, too. He gave me closure but despite that, my soul has never felt at ease. Even with guys that never gave me closure, I feel more attached to him than them. I will literally sit down and think about him the whole day. The situation, why I chose him, what made him choose me, why he did me wrong, if I deserved it, him, intimate moments we shared, the way he humiliated me, the way he chose to leave, etc. I will sit and thinking about it until mental exhaustion. Let me say...nothing in my external reality has changed. He left that day and never came back. And I don't think he will but low-key, I am secretly hoping he would. I haven't communicated with him since then. And the longer we don't communicate, the fact as of a chance he will ever come back. I don't even know how I would cope if he ever did. Here I am chasing a ghost...holding on desperately to breadcrumbs.",4.083337568058076,4.583877486206899,4.970217785843918,86.61392921960073,70.6896551724138,7.898366606170597,27.67695099818512,7.85451343220497,1.4031724137931034,1101,36,244,13,19,359,154,290,0.10400000000000001,0.836,0.061,-0.9205,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,3,0,2,1,19,7,0,0,15,0,24,1,0,2,7,58,45,19,0,7,8,0,3,0,0,6,1,1,0,5,12,16,0,2,15,0,0,2,12,4,0,1,14,5,37,3,29,23,6,39,1,1,1,0,34,10,0,6,22,158,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939972266738303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265756729397675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353290278287742,0.0,0.0,0.10500938115116697,0.0855081490280022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803563722678998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158272663982276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070689713663807,0.1966911133844716,0.2693730709355772,0.0836351817265359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038289874780296,0.0,0.09531012405158013,0.0,0.0,0.08443489757183109,0.0,0.1088391284458138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3931524742172927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859270543204586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05455353798592722,0.0,0.0,0.10510747564775047,0.21570378170969776,0.1015053553498295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392709806673093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003593763923817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923250665632421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296782413500408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524760180956064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549563008763399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475983088196448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949833556507362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157879284843858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035552147137846,0.0,0.0,0.2463395076831892,0.11157820309665946,0.0,0.0,0.08410705111347329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070260393813677,0.0,0.07927328799276487,0.16598024338117742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180255438806623,0.0,0.0,0.05788231524898749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854916544848735,0.23637619970309795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791427411425724,0.11082601035788266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103024853547316,0.10853087364864802,0.0,0.0 bpd,burningmanonacid,2020/04/13,"How do you get rejuvenated after being emotionally tired? I feel like we are susceptible to getting emotionally quite tired, even when things seem to be going great but especially when stress gets bad. Right now, my life keeps going back and forth between great and stressful, on top of my mental disorders causing me to already have a baseline of anxiety and stress. I can't just disappear to a hotel or something now to spend time alone and breathe and try to calm myself, so I am not sure quite how to handle this. What are you all doing right now to rejuvenate emotionally?",9.787358490566037,8.541785283018866,9.37611320754717,65.60001886792453,59.37735849056603,12.25358490566038,38.181132075471695,11.20814326018867,4.22964,464,18,80,10,5,150,76,106,0.222,0.648,0.13,-0.9183,0,1,1,0,0,0,9.0,1,2,0,3,11,9,0,3,2,0,9,4,1,3,2,18,17,12,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,2,1,1,3,2,4,0,0,0,1,10,5,13,15,1,15,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,9,57,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556803813775015,0.14444620066859548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100134533884835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065039361278133,0.10929209453226177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446551330045653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001733555123845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44171872899250336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645510049368459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618458848817897,0.09351161695124592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20516214995628348,0.0,0.1487816126132851,0.0,0.0,0.2886250251364873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634574257916006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245521003121646,0.06394882392298314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191165924219775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784464932306265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22356771445156434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916215035271052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076958448853378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4498203162741957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336725596595292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696101033404946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632609265691542,0.3008897466701765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886930555602003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,it_be_kadyb,2020/04/13,"I need guidance... So I’ve been doing a lot of research on BPD, I’ve always know I’ve had a personality disorder or something not completely right, I am 19 and I constantly struggle with connecting my conscious mind to the physical work I find myself lost in my mind. It feels as if I live in two worlds sometimes and I have to force myself to be a normal person by watching other people’s actions enough to replicate them and seem like I’m a normal person. The decisions I make seem unrealistic and I feel like I’m just sitting in an empty room in my brain watching my body carry on this thing called life. I have to remind myself often that I am a human just like those I am surrounded with and I’m not just a voice inhabiting a body, I am a whole person with a personality and that blows my mind sometimes. Realizing I have my own talents, my own way of life, my own quirkiness. I forget this often and it make me nervous when I’m with other people and they are spontaneously laughing and conversations without trying and I’m sitting there rehearsing I’m my head a conversation I can start so they don’t think something is wrong because I’m not talking and I want to make so I can’t be judged by what I say and the whole time I stay in my head and once I leave I have to question if it actually happened. Do I even have “friends”. I’m not sure if this would be considered BPD, but I just want answers and guidance so I can better understand myself. I can actually be outgoing and funny, I always want to interact with people but I always end up just observing and analyzing them. Which is what o fear most of them doing to me...",3.0086672473867613,4.870181835365856,4.98771777003484,80.16756097560977,75.15853658536584,7.734494773519164,26.958188153310104,8.527137837955566,2.043232229965157,1294,50,250,25,28,445,153,328,0.075,0.851,0.075,0.7235,0,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,5,3,14,13,0,3,14,0,27,7,5,3,1,69,52,28,0,10,16,0,2,3,1,1,2,2,1,6,15,21,0,0,13,0,0,1,7,5,0,1,3,6,48,8,29,44,8,22,0,1,2,0,19,12,0,11,8,182,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.17648846801169013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257288700349887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055123788625718616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997580997524797,0.0,0.2008892214164791,0.2277806403088083,0.1009470400168978,0.09233662800771028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948115544769221,0.09772004498751384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036377942870449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009195948455047,0.09343582087898117,0.0,0.059726536850602724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175612204001144,0.09144576180487947,0.06460145212839145,0.0,0.0,0.08264913266697692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986409253087729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996477434189134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856094872896285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04969661070266442,0.0,0.0,0.09574970738934477,0.0,0.0,0.1277432905040239,0.13253498405919134,0.0,0.07984917389168407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987123411912508,0.0768782601746443,0.0,0.0,0.18108325394799785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27391811003067396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670508745713555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17719957781558596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630237809531947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18807320953873846,0.3947891967232685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129953930579476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722462445562593,0.0,0.07191160872943081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646436710754416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923107525192194,0.17887029714402347,0.0,0.06400507772887118,0.0963837251032668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453449797697462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522688560342913,0.0,0.0,0.07268223073724843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060076038991611076,0.05794231586526044,0.0,0.0,0.05272902535193725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061394363350104876,0.0,0.08833456623912056,0.0941382574867256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000951668853958,0.07177717162328641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20191823650029533,0.0,0.08716892094960838,0.0,0.06583232558108874,0.0,0.0,0.0642371294101531,0.09886831864742253,0.0,0.0 bpd,Francesco-Viola-III,2020/04/13,"I'm getting really upset about how upset I am about being rejected This is something I've been dealing with recently that's been really annoying. I got rejected by a girl about a week ago. It wasn't anything harsh, she just wanted to stay friends, but I got really depressed about it. A week later, I still get really upset whenever I think or see anything about her, but now I've started getting angry about still upset. I think this might be the thing I hate most about BPD: you know you shouldn't be feeling such strong emotions over something, but you still feel them anyway and then the rage from that lack of control just amplifies all the shitty things you were already feeling. BPD fucking sucks",8.114060150375941,7.664494541353384,7.612481203007518,74.32593984962408,62.23308270676692,10.607518796992482,35.54135338345864,9.957137785484203,3.4926270676691717,566,22,98,10,7,178,84,133,0.32799999999999996,0.62,0.052000000000000005,-0.9921,0,2,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,4,1,2,16,14,5,4,6,0,11,1,0,2,1,22,29,7,0,3,6,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,12,0,0,6,4,14,2,13,18,3,13,0,3,1,1,10,1,2,3,11,70,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435991647460973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481511702718334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23089583944925335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3533843708312051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573488040024547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463433727722416,0.12083283076032646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15780901218017948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128067356171265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838883563258844,0.12969719611144792,0.21988949593698864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224407796266518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385087742209422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710051864721743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882707124258987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594972120312775,0.0,0.1385208939639579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117941317197139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160064431347108,0.0,0.0,0.0992990189708623,0.14953203225616118,0.33611082863346525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864068273080578,0.17978620842217566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274753918993495,0.0,0.2250666973381409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cyn_full,2020/04/13,"My boyfriend needs me right now but I don’t know how to be that person. I really hope I’m posting in the right place, and I’m doing everything right as this is my first ever reddit post. If not, please let me know. I also hope he doesn’t see this but let’s give it a go. So my boyfriend of a year and a half has a broken down relationship with his mother. Recently, she has gotten a diagnosis of cancer, and after a procedure was done she developed a chest infection, required a ventilator and was put in an induced coma. I’m not too sure of the ins and outs of it, as my boyfriend hasn’t and doesn’t want to get too into it. I have just been sent home from a psych hospital after I was potentially exposed to the virus. I’ll be back in next week as I’m not unwell, but I’m being treated for bpd for the first time in my life. This has all been very heavy for me, and also explains why I feel how I do in this situation. I’m afraid my boyfriend will fully pull away from me as he has wanted a lot of space and alone time since finding out about his mother. This hasn’t gone down well with me, but for the most part I’ve hid my feelings as I know it is wrong for me to feel this way, but I can’t help it. Everything in me is telling me to run now before he leaves, which I know maybe isn’t true but I can’t reassure myself enough to believe it. I want constant reassurance, affirmation and comfort from him and he can’t give it, so I’m trying my best to use the skills I’ve learned in hospital to get by, but being there for him is hurting me so hard and making me spiral. I hope this doesn’t come across as me having so empathy, I’ve cried so many times for the hurt he must be feeling over the past month. Is there any clear guidelines to helping someone when they lose someone? How can I help myself in this time whilst still being the support he needs? Thanks to everyone who might reply, please be gentle if you can I’ll try not to be too sensitive. X",4.987898550724637,4.299544891304354,5.937729468599037,84.55195652173914,68.68599033816426,9.132367149758457,28.386473429951693,8.456263369488248,1.6836096618357486,1531,43,346,20,23,509,197,414,0.102,0.753,0.145,0.9636,0,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,1,1,6,24,18,0,1,20,0,44,5,1,6,6,66,82,37,0,11,14,2,5,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,18,17,0,1,12,0,0,7,14,5,1,3,9,6,43,13,55,60,6,54,0,3,1,0,29,22,0,8,22,236,61,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391256369533696,0.0,0.14502647124542167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166250979904644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851927005584123,0.06972393073592004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715824751690381,0.10216033756354913,0.09515843623197597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420272987490593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781089908069089,0.0,0.09798809842612548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960287652600773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279260925940824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369212236839733,0.0,0.0,0.08202126136713,0.0,0.08664441093873666,0.16298674487936105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833932088249344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287584545873304,0.15425721906483272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474850532770518,0.17396857449915135,0.051533026748689516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122751708595026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18233380748891148,0.0,0.09095500882651247,0.2701839582458287,0.0,0.0,0.1941401864673805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19933172898558305,0.0,0.0,0.0960123560436209,0.0,0.18544386606416746,0.06404684998244133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014427899771839,0.0,0.07708914302879083,0.0,0.0,0.060526659647795314,0.09193081497154383,0.09109581660164506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619247039824104,0.0,0.0,0.07237638990408363,0.0,0.0,0.13446960033420535,0.0,0.0,0.09643451740691096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819282642523536,0.08656010968965933,0.0,0.07917442664098971,0.09473669100623924,0.19906913432189627,0.0,0.0,0.17368429809193248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115401153423973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05808910408208184,0.0,0.08953120477958304,0.09735164800563223,0.0,0.23230937223919626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225670448501198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500778409125093,0.1019231609969047,0.0,0.0,0.15365826431506818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241364236562498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289758364362356,0.08546066936551272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925446132091317,0.08348189953997218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114946601491836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312554541963362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783145952628076,0.0,0.07481685709604054,0.16044843483644292,0.07197406180758686,0.07273448788775698,0.0,0.08152824405360475,0.0,0.08182061522842304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913952188711178,0.0,0.05839210628697675 bpd,browncow5000,2020/04/13,"Do you consider your BPD to be a disability? Do you consider BPD to be a disability? Hi all! Fellow BPDer here. I have struggled with this question for a long time Part of me understands that because this condition has such a major effect on my life and behavior that it objectively should be considered a disability Another part of me feels like because it is all contained in my mind, therefore it can’t be perceived as a disability. This has been reinforced in social settings bc when talking about this condition and my mental health people generally don’t seem to change the way they behave toward me, which I appreciate But I feel like I’m caught in this limbo where one day I will feel great and like I can manage my condition no problem, which is a luxury that many people with disabilities do not have. And then I have the days where the condition is completely debilitating and I can hardly function I think the answer is clearly yes BPD is a disability, but why does it feel so wrong when I try to accept that as the truth?",7.448529684601112,7.468053658163267,8.156029684601116,68.32403525046385,63.438775510204074,11.821150278293135,35.16512059369202,11.389717465364855,4.1722612244897945,831,34,147,23,11,279,111,196,0.055,0.8390000000000001,0.106,0.7842,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,1,1,8,9,0,1,13,1,24,2,0,2,4,32,33,13,0,2,3,0,5,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,15,7,0,1,12,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,2,5,20,6,17,25,5,17,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,2,10,111,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413043144715284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429305879784642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.509164632877839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425548868267594,0.0,0.14129000094819874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738140495122253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179266338716099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725484640221799,0.1925406514603062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856991082856602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071567513301043,0.0,0.0,0.14324023771978556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518275349463236,0.1975061808310577,0.0,0.0,0.11925557809674595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662230230520347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358032169358412,0.0,0.13606601093956713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131473399330617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918570888384584,0.0,0.1868468746639046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894411305714154,0.0,0.0,0.15095852065216006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267758170775668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736764561386314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087712602639996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831245734171203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086346752868989,0.0,0.0,0.0785778071362201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149106038612413,0.0,0.0,0.14028664083130035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069637208530492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159710356092825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733546889415616,0.0,0.0 bpd,sup3rficialspc3cad3t,2020/04/13,"Angry So, I go through periods where I say I don’t have BPD then I realize I do and I get sad. But, today I am angry that I have it. I have been diagnosed so I know for a fact that I have it so that’s always in the back of my mind. I’m just angry that we have this disorder because of something that wasn’t in our control. I have to deal with a whole mood disorder because I went through trauma or whatever . It sucks that that’s “just” life . What about the things who are the cause of this do they feel anything or go through anything ? This disorder is so frustrating because you don’t even realize you’re displaying negative symptoms. I just wanted to vent because I’m angry and y’all have this same disorder and I think would understand. Any coping methods that are not toxic ?",2.087924528301887,4.150763075471698,3.757836477987421,87.00052830188679,78.62264150943396,7.510440251572327,26.952201257861642,8.447377352677275,2.0089552201257868,615,26,126,13,15,205,87,159,0.256,0.7440000000000001,0.0,-0.9908,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,2,2,1,1,11,5,2,0,5,0,18,3,0,2,1,25,30,11,0,2,7,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,18,5,0,1,6,0,0,3,5,4,0,0,3,2,21,0,13,26,2,10,0,1,0,0,8,3,1,2,4,96,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816596114574103,0.0,0.0,0.09657352081624818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23372873995445356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919901733257292,0.0,0.3462785489836397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17886005202819602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588618474776885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927934336346888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464088806735853,0.0,0.14413992353420513,0.0,0.0,0.6510355314881082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379806355869366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180589927223184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419578591102885,0.0,0.16141820524846048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804647808393954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030778539750697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433923659919191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293421654570608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932833154625847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760559390777542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434694226093958,0.09099601806584166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13461145538957606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784025199939999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376278288654887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164721610289298,0.0,0.15855213259968978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088176319871067,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,damnoriginal,2020/04/13,"Is this sexual assault? (I am just affiliated with BPD, too young to consider diagnosing for now) Many people in my life know pieces and bits of this story, but i have always been too confused, ashamed and scared to tell the whole thing, so here it is. When i was 15 i started talking whit this guy and i was already in a bad depressive state (had been for two years). I was not comfortable opening up to him about my struggles, as i feared he'd leave. He threatened to leave me if i wouldn't tell him because ""we have to trust each other"". I opened up and he left anyways, telling me that if he knew what my struggles were, he would have never wanted me to share them. Then he came back and i started growing more and more fond of him, but we'd fight constantly and one of us would always end up leaving. It would tear me apart and i noticed that whatever it was, he'd always come back. So i stopped getting angry, stopped giving him reasons to leave and stopped leaving. He had 100% control over me and he knew it. I was at my most vulnerable and i think he liked it. I let him walk all over me for two years, my emotions were becoming unbearable as i completely mirrored him. He was happy, i was euphoric. He was mad, i wanted to die. He liked the role of the hero and told his friends about my struggles and how he'd save me. But instead i wasn't allowed to talk about my condition or he'd leave. Then I got affiliated with BPD and he called it bullshit. However making him aware of that meant giving him all of the cheat codes. He manipulated me using guilt, mostly around the ""we have to trust each other"" topic. He knew i'd rather die than leave him and that i would have done everything for him. So i got called crazy for being jealous and then he'd purposely make me so. Over one of our fights over me not trusting him, i attempted suicide. He was sweet for a week, then shit got back to normal. At last he told me that if i couldn't 100% trust him blindly, he'd leave. So i let myself get manipulated into pretty much anything. He'd talk a lot about sex and i was so excited, because my being only consisted in his will. He put every single idea into my mind and i was okay with that. We were in my room, my parents in the other room. He had put the idea of oral sex into my head, so i did it. It was disgusting. I felt like throwing up and crying. I wanted to tell my parents but they would have forbidden me from ever seeing him again. He told me he wanted to do stuff to me and i laid on the floor crying saying i wasn't comfortable. He said i made him look like an idiot. The next day he left me for good, i had a panic attack so strong i threw up at school and had convulsions. I had the image of us in my room blocked in my mind, i was always on the verge of vomit and tears. Then i simply deleted it, had no memory of it untill many months later. A friend of mine was talking about her abusive situation, when i remembered. I remembered very little and she made sure i told my parents about it. They were calling it sexual assault and it felt wrong to me. Because i wanted to do it, but only because of my mental condition and his manipulation. I've never felt valid in this situation, i tell myself i said yes. But does a yes count when there's no other option to us? Because for me it was that or him leaving, which would have meant death. I am sorry for the length of this, i doubt someone will get through the whole thing. But if you went through something similar, i get you and i am here for you.",2.8585032511348314,4.331947783216783,4.171755612808248,87.4951502883082,74.66433566433567,6.975585817691081,24.851551956815115,7.605630317579735,1.122403263403263,2735,88,578,35,57,901,280,715,0.23199999999999998,0.647,0.121,-0.9983,5,0,1,0,2,1,85.0,8,3,3,4,34,47,11,10,20,3,68,8,2,12,6,118,111,59,4,19,17,3,3,4,2,9,4,3,3,1,36,42,0,5,15,0,0,9,10,24,0,4,54,10,126,23,83,35,15,80,0,1,3,2,94,37,1,12,37,420,162,1,0.0,0.05903129457801444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054980161937198,0.0,0.16582462429747893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040999518933658816,0.044352422023105936,0.0,0.056680074271060726,0.0,0.11493085136734688,0.04159955075333261,0.1518560995979917,0.055024831000081265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054393062554725584,0.0,0.12549891966275492,0.0,0.15262245787735462,0.056983453910780635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04291751157328978,0.05223774787123571,0.05384022127035243,0.055879961148499364,0.0,0.0,0.10945494396682906,0.03213127055688457,0.0,0.042911885674357615,0.050568599524289465,0.1034153911180642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04359984235365112,0.05098552472213167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056043396868615036,0.04412778177880787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045067135007309085,0.04197744800331648,0.0,0.04477708287734071,0.0,0.0,0.0560639541963701,0.0,0.0,0.14351170263418378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698519175253009,0.0,0.10412041000519537,0.09558820607365527,0.0,0.041788592820678205,0.11954236655587565,0.0,0.0,0.049331923489428366,0.0,0.0530367792397299,0.0,0.0,0.051132067462858574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248665526025488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027381040573199702,0.04061183525692876,0.0,0.4747917266887538,0.10826417894856656,0.10189338238512402,0.03519097349688263,0.09736266315638392,0.04993504699072307,0.0,0.0,0.04183819533030715,0.0,0.0,0.042357149336264124,0.0,0.09428615551026226,0.0665135623720556,0.10102401208169784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0502091737475329,0.0,0.10061266792562114,0.0,0.03976769536070733,0.0,0.036625133104416674,0.0,0.07685207935012274,0.0,0.052986595705825416,0.0,0.04881528902193615,0.0,0.05672303422198492,0.0,0.0,0.0675217781762227,0.0757842291021356,0.0,0.05845575015979501,0.16596534944579733,0.0,0.0,0.03454051901662847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05068720434794451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017037231075042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05122563624679715,0.0,0.0,0.11287793799536637,0.0,0.09478485880427998,0.03962070347382947,0.0498808274586169,0.05042284122141002,0.039701933400335065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051141888915946815,0.0,0.112004735856452,0.0,0.0,0.042214284610179925,0.03835565108586676,0.0,0.055772001031152256,0.07052897996084319,0.0,0.0,0.12496105512557078,0.0,0.15625529918899464,0.05703462915604576,0.05449752455924015,0.0,0.04695694091890717,0.0,0.0,0.1601811536544535,0.21773449034719045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619946261318134,0.03192412680019625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042942282619746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973383217894045,0.0,0.1797903263029455,0.04303048232767279,0.0,0.041108626511821116,0.1469324569824934,0.0,0.03996445471196646,0.0,0.0,0.0461857838298006,0.0,0.11124966769186743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21235405253795087,0.05447287865335201,0.0,0.06416787290352309 bpd,gayorgianess,2020/04/13,Just been through a breakup with my girlfriend of two years She broke up with me and got back with her abusive ex like two weeks after even after proposing to me. Two months on I’m finding it difficult to not think there’s something wrong with me because she knew me better than anyone. I’m also struggling to not immediately search for someone else to obsess over to get over it as I know it won’t be beneficial but it’s just so damn hard. With lockdown especially it’s been difficult because I can’t go see friends or anything to cheer me up and everything I do at home just bores me. Just wondering if anyone has any recommendations for dealing with these kinds of thoughts etc? Thank you so much for any help,4.914642857142859,6.235206892857146,5.125714285714288,83.24928571428572,69.35714285714286,7.885714285714287,31.142857142857146,8.238735603445708,2.1555857142857144,575,24,113,8,10,181,93,140,0.156,0.71,0.133,-0.1542,0,1,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,10,14,1,2,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,23,19,9,0,1,9,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,6,8,0,0,6,0,0,1,4,8,0,3,5,2,14,6,28,12,2,13,0,1,1,0,9,6,1,3,7,78,20,0,0.0,0.1914329170094773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292067195010946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21974500348578005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259456878754393,0.0,0.1329575704134862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242366346467134,0.0,0.19698199959553087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289470445475191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665706071500772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497021815985674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019221157834414,0.10671484082517116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452078537606208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14767119444672594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482785553892975,0.0,0.08441316571998743,0.0,0.09182342057944172,0.0,0.12922153748897836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473414302599005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082963356849016,0.0,0.1620669414589756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16824931384457553,0.0887941303871499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893448190944556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896288282452442,0.0,0.1187718500188563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874962299357687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689694085422927,0.12438375650836304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890706269031752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875108364219072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103526930249944,0.0,0.12826778678895034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4734884863229682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960095483073206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521475429865985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665040438395227,0.0,0.10404517786731553 bpd,milk_motel_,2020/04/13,"I can't think of a title I feel like my mind is spiralling out of control, I can't think about anything without remembering things I don't want to and have been experiencing insomnia, I have no one to talk to since I constantly feel like a liability and have no other activity that would take my mind off of things like this. I feel extremely lonely and unwanted by everyone and the only person who remotely liked me hasn't been in contact with me because of something I did and I feel he's finally fed up with me because I have constantly pushed him away to see if he'll leave me. Idk what to do I'm just so frustrated with myself.",10.026015625,6.333165195312502,10.434625,65.847875,61.109375,14.302500000000002,42.00625,12.340626583579946,4.918210625,507,21,101,13,5,174,79,128,0.154,0.764,0.08199999999999999,-0.7223,0,2,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,0,3,0,14,2,0,1,0,25,26,7,0,4,3,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,7,9,1,1,7,0,0,1,7,2,0,1,4,6,18,4,20,20,0,9,0,1,1,0,7,5,0,1,7,73,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414052612636715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315004758392928,0.0,0.0,0.19873459616473388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35230440726152146,0.18282573999245053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575977250598785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32968409821508804,0.2329038663790482,0.0,0.17856574048778914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17260043173116354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185471244673478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291803553197416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045747712555024,0.12397384930650965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233105803687968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18465467869584412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989513957888948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484072728582908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254904289219275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256066160112325,0.1310185142751586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165886570177485,0.2088960688554609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614550412927286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713252603752975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157951974127586,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rileymstultz,2020/04/13,"DAE get unhealthily attached to people, to the point that when they are busy or working, you get unbearable anxiety? I’m currently working on healthy boundaries, because I’ve found myself to either connect on such an extreme level with someone that I become instantly attached, or cannot form any sort of connection at all. That is the way I’ve been with my best friend lately. We got really close a couple months ago, and now we talk everyday, from the moment we wake up, until the moment we go to bed. Until recently, we’ve had exciting and amazing conversations. Then, a couple days ago, he wasn’t responding consistently, he seems distant, he doesn’t want to stay up & talk, he doesn’t message me first, & he doesn’t want to talk while we’re working (we work together). I know this is normal, and that people have lives and things they go through as well, but it just seems uncharacteristic. I am having overwhelming anxiety, and abandonment fears surrounding this situation. I’m trying to keep from texting him first, giving him some space, and also keep myself from going crazy as well. Sidenote: he’s also diagnosed schizophrenic, and I’m not at all familiar with the behaviors of that disorder. Does anyone have any advice on coping/healthy boundaries? What’s worked best for you in this situation?",7.8889915966386575,8.448697394957986,7.74840336134454,69.78924369747902,62.4453781512605,11.169747899159665,35.48739495798319,10.914260884657429,4.115887394957983,1052,44,172,26,14,337,142,238,0.07400000000000001,0.816,0.11,0.6848,1,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,5,2,2,9,8,10,0,2,8,0,14,3,1,0,2,36,32,19,0,3,6,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,11,16,0,3,4,0,0,3,6,3,2,2,5,0,18,7,29,27,7,36,0,2,0,0,25,13,0,6,18,110,29,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374114153764533,0.18821398228449893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697968399189536,0.0,0.2300548808657684,0.0,0.1443888031672718,0.0,0.16242863132106947,0.0,0.0,0.07423155688555116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471590870309649,0.11724856455656213,0.0,0.0,0.22282279400532345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23493442373675236,0.0,0.06846627752782525,0.0,0.0,0.10775309252380684,0.0,0.0,0.1216718625566578,0.0,0.09290385518586047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946275951087493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060418975216036,0.0,0.11640212265056002,0.08202118081091889,0.0,0.1109314503313226,0.10184111197594033,0.18100444046340167,0.0,0.0849081564790879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18872489833428435,0.0,0.0,0.05834434463356938,0.0,0.11975635725391298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374377154441346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473820113611442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401708578127694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719995318958254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003582402333084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801066193060296,0.0,0.10482304033988436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932934047441305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386630592774835,0.0,0.0,0.08995146708071597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315550889651953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559891142823918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052990281605638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207762950452183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523523910825446,0.08426715582411651,0.0,0.0,0.19090636468727185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38643921963942496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yuckygf,2020/04/13,"IM SO FUCKIN’ TIRED this quarantine has only made me return to destructive habits and invasive thoughts. my friends hate me, my old friends have abandoned me and i think others will do it very soon. my mom continually makes me feel guilty bc im alone, i keep repeating to her that it isn’t a healthy thing to continually reproach myself that my impulsive attitudes and attachment issues have ruined all my relationships, i can’t control myself. then i started having binge eating problem and self harming again, with strong suicidal thoughts. i would like to break away from everyone, since i think they hate me, but at the same time i am so afraid. i don't feel safe with anyone, not even in my own skin.",4.838667591950035,7.074430618320612,4.907980569049276,81.08620402498265,71.06106870229006,8.427758501040945,29.466342817487856,9.095868883498916,2.5948259541984724,565,23,103,12,11,176,94,131,0.198,0.72,0.08199999999999999,-0.9327,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,2,5,14,4,1,2,0,11,4,1,3,1,24,23,8,1,2,2,1,3,1,2,2,1,0,0,1,7,6,1,4,6,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,3,3,23,5,10,18,3,14,0,2,0,1,7,3,1,0,11,68,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896075224315307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406919688359575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532725995924414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297203874976245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16692989774698594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775046253769414,0.0,0.0,0.15588441283922405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497395715800878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25207851256496633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221280640117349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524319501751893,0.1702726636185572,0.0,0.14500367827473346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970050716610219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543641919662745,0.10889522703302132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910641050965068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17118485895142024,0.0,0.0,0.12407305426579746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561000951488405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514810619485835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17018748978948178,0.0,0.0,0.1349486280159876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546922178491148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844542069240865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838098657838588,0.2090632293181078,0.0,0.2590251411767229,0.0951265077539098,0.18750200503745548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346051258532852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588785774321793,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nisholuv,2020/04/13,"I'm still new to this disease. So pls help me 😭😭😭 So is BPD was the same as DID? i'm confused. Someone said to me that BPD is the worst condition of DID. So, does BPD have multiple personalities, are they changing everyday. Is it possible for the perosnality to change the owner voice and sexuality?",0.8460000000000001,3.3816392666666717,4.0516666666666685,79.37250000000002,89.66666666666666,7.666666666666666,25.83333333333333,8.472884824447931,2.398333333333333,236,11,48,7,8,85,43,60,0.107,0.821,0.07200000000000001,-0.4920000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,3,11,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,3,0,6,7,2,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,31,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7527592780944216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4215120484312569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434511756946092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353783267498984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924149289229269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17395755865349966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245988009138128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18951074659852632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880461066291394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910314698269198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,supercreeeps,2020/04/13,"Access to Work (UK) Just a quick note for my UK pals... I’d heard of Access to Work before, but I thought it was a scheme for people with physical disabilities, however, my workplace’s occupational health department suggested I contact them, and I’m so glad I did! They can provide a variety of support for mental health conditions too - they’re fully-funding a series of coping skills sessions, a monthly catch-up with a mental health support worker for 9 months (who is also trying to sort some DBT sessions), sessions to explain my conditions to my manager to let them know how they can help me, and some software and hardware adjustments to my work computer. All sessions can take place in work time and are still classed as time you’ve worked (well, at least at my workplace). The process is very quick and all I needed was a doctors letter, confirming my diagnosis. All the support is provided at no cost to yourself. If you’re diagnosed, it’s worth applying, just in case they can help you in any way - there’s no pressure to accept their recommendations if you don’t want to! til;dr: if you’re in the UK, formally diagnosed and in work, contact Access to Work for free support within the workplace :)",8.916505681818187,7.919361308035718,8.682175324675324,69.08555194805197,60.91964285714286,11.716883116883118,40.452922077922075,10.832165505486646,4.468951785714285,959,45,164,20,11,310,124,224,0.035,0.784,0.18100000000000002,0.9886,1,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,2,6,9,11,9,0,1,11,0,13,6,0,1,3,28,25,14,0,5,6,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,3,8,0,0,5,0,3,1,3,1,1,0,5,1,20,9,31,19,6,19,0,0,0,0,18,10,0,6,7,107,23,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845440010455546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521827244883908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412056211002914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22453268654831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321353950706185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35271826988164506,0.0,0.0,0.148278471019433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06078810426058751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310573707621185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22293677849412116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765749409944697,0.0,0.0,0.0820155639706152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668272013200025,0.0,0.11556341540802775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833291246530814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5020735293491394,0.0,0.0,0.08316460002407179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781161054909001,0.1289946113158528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509660935767756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126444510863653,0.06524036579572805,0.08779669539783103,0.0,0.0,0.09945124993265064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5636753795058962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mayahere99,2020/04/13,"A good tip that is helping me not push away people I love!! When we were little and couldn’t tell who in our life was going to put us in danger or help us, we got confused. I didn’t know who to trust so now, even though I don’t put myself around dangerous people I will still go on random tangents and cut off people. It’s helping me to remember the memories of who hurt me. I made a list of people who really did me wrong And have placed them in a no contact pile. By “punishing” people who actually deserve it. And then sending some extra love to family members and friends who have shown me they do deserve my trust. I sent my sister a “I love you” text this morning, it’s small but it makes me feel so much less alone remembering the good and that not everyone is a “bad guy”",3.035910973084885,4.162066788819878,4.520760869565219,86.54751811594204,73.65838509316771,7.602691511387165,24.59679089026915,8.07648339933343,1.2596331262939966,607,18,130,9,12,203,102,161,0.107,0.721,0.172,0.9036,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,5,1,2,0,9,16,4,1,7,0,12,4,0,2,0,23,23,13,0,1,4,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,13,9,0,0,4,0,0,7,6,8,0,0,7,1,24,8,14,14,4,21,0,1,0,3,27,10,0,4,4,93,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.1244725292534529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321055920252221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354848392414996,0.0,0.0,0.1198394730230897,0.0,0.1065007434657311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424701272665193,0.0,0.0,0.1218815752903014,0.0,0.0,0.1202448446066654,0.0,0.06449421534220694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854649880851764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498168806407027,0.21396943588062198,0.10201513144012156,0.0,0.0,0.12629671313933089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25648661517406257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365472480996372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009934302421529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009387776623023,0.0,0.12784079474901974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3453624705789433,0.12069295795897535,0.08514207142742651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376552954335096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4421431107243937,0.0,0.1332648812835166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25645034456241944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171319345378705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889835130352254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186333669313498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148622848168682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531937043697186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068591378586161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394582866940163,0.0,0.0 bpd,kt-marie,2020/04/13,"Where to start with online therapy? Recently connected the dots that I likely have BPD. I had a therapy appointment set to find some answers, but it was sadly cancelled for the foreseeable future due to quarantine. I desperately need to talk to someone and wanted to maybe try online therapy. Has anyone tried it and been successful? Where do I start and what would you recommend?",5.73497512437811,8.491592671641795,6.376940298507464,69.23217661691542,70.044776119403,11.033830845771144,32.062189054726375,10.864195022040775,4.634006965174129,307,14,46,11,6,100,50,67,0.134,0.754,0.11199999999999999,-0.1754,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,11,11,4,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,5,2,8,7,1,8,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,6,34,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441848470757791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25971071065116275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884696166499692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074240681586746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20716281732385972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290000292474654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20360470230641628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471866507220585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29190899103123186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574151140229829,0.0,0.0,0.7074476064350292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800022638274207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162633088217645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648365643966832,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sporglorg,2020/04/13,"Sharing eMoods or Daylio reports with therapist I've started using Daylio (also trying out eMoods) and would like to integrate the reports into my therapy regime. If anyone else is doing something like this with their therapist, could you run me through how you're doing it? How are you sending the reports and how does your therapist use the reports?",8.046774193548387,9.413522870967745,7.013064516129031,72.38959677419358,62.225806451612904,9.425806451612903,38.08064516129032,9.516144504307137,3.9906322580645175,286,14,42,5,4,87,45,62,0.0,0.875,0.125,0.7998,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,1,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,5,0,15,9,8,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,6,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,3,31,8,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420619149205715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357488926790934,0.21038980140714525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394315563089776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17968989578700478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17153090469644194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200632454748438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807678593326285,0.0,0.0,0.1453370514087005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23481827625380056,0.7152287006942079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940887284312656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546867359017674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458639737768728,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,provaa,2020/04/13,"Is this splitting? Okay so I have BPD (as mentioned by my therapist and psychiatrist but they are more focused on my bipolar which I feel like I don’t have). I can usually distinguish between splitting. But, however, I’ve been experiencing something different? I have cut a “toxic” person out of my life. I have done a lot of bad things when In the influence of this person. They haven’t FORCED me to do anything though. When I finally cut this person off, I’ve begun to do better, became healthy, and it’s been consistent for months. But my mind usually labels this person as a “bad” person and they ruined my life. I never want to get in contact with them again.” And then there’s a part of my brain, that goes maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe they aren’t bad. Maybe I should hang out with them again. It’s like my brain splits thinking they are bad or they are good. How do I stop from my brain from doing that? I just want to be neutral. I don’t want to hate them but I don’t also want to be involved in their life again for the sake of my mental health and well-being.",2.0251871539313413,4.199672311627906,3.276345514950169,89.80798449612404,79.37209302325581,6.327796234772979,21.866002214839426,7.447530270364453,0.7633211517165006,837,25,175,12,21,271,109,215,0.201,0.701,0.098,-0.9757,3,0,1,1,0,0,26.0,0,0,10,1,11,13,3,0,6,1,24,8,3,2,1,29,33,19,0,5,6,0,1,2,0,1,5,0,0,5,10,9,0,1,3,0,0,1,6,8,0,0,3,2,33,5,28,27,3,21,0,1,0,0,18,7,0,2,15,127,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540551424519821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788482300148283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35668410264164796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445325880880608,0.0,0.0,0.1345070701839849,0.35766228186935184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158012387385773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092903997993909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05399976698828009,0.07629579092973401,0.0,0.11699088224921872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579701934402558,0.0,0.0,0.08957624818644662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543991728560542,0.0,0.1135202062204218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22630161700392945,0.1043512294900016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079498172377083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32187579256274723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076262469077425,0.0,0.10783451540807004,0.0,0.08524433844230865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236842244308144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156507327802952,0.0,0.0,0.4662550611811783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221754046047326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928706561622146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399953666113438,0.07095117462191071,0.06843119885996586,0.10492750034724073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352435924384193,0.0,0.251966526650698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602331973068606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,strawbbyg,2020/04/13,"urgent need to rant my bpd is REALLY bad to manage these pasts months, my whole life but really bad lately it all just builds up something happened that set me off and i just need someone to talk to thank you !",2.435714285714288,4.620770904761908,3.1145238095238104,91.43464285714286,78.04761904761905,6.104761904761905,17.642857142857142,7.1686216300943375,0.08131428571428545,166,3,34,2,4,52,34,42,0.214,0.696,0.09,-0.8123,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,5,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,6,5,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,21,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127570899671551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113048574801656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21857364740205676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788211189509941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17458510429371532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972905706255843,0.0,0.0,0.3665502550885421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23595392719528985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31668980745435776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20942828654642676,0.19028531125098294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19866773093906945,0.0,0.227563043956404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27595904441726204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,reeree99,2020/04/13,"I love you Even if you can't begin to imagine, one day I promise you're gonna look back at how you feel right now and be so happy and proud of yourself for making it through. Hold on and stay strong 💗",2.5026666666666664,2.7408574888888886,3.633333333333337,95.73000000000003,74.1111111111111,6.0,23.88888888888889,3.1291,-0.048111111111110993,157,4,39,0,3,51,39,45,0.0,0.655,0.345,0.9578,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,0,2,5,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,9,8,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,5,5,6,6,0,8,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,1,4,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881279004932419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24165614581967015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24749159638670615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18946400348390288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988844336258491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146609784282633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33818927781241603,0.0,0.2501210012705713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25391234753803626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199992263856474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993896724863301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Discombobulated_soul,2020/04/13,"When others make you feel like a monster for having BPD? First time posting here... but longtime lurker! I balance life with BPD pretty well, sometimes people might think I’m over excitable or super passionate but that’s it for the most part. However my romantic partners are another story ... and I’ve lost count of how often I am overly sensitive or get really mean in retaliation when I feel like I’ve been wronged. My question is how do you guys deal with it when the other person bites back? Today my ex told me I need to learn to chill out and just not send messages when I’m mad, we started discussing my BPD and when I told him I can’t always help it and that I’m trying /working on my emotional control but sometimes I still lose control esp in texts where I don’t have to look them in the eye and see the reaction to the sometimes hurtful things I’m saying/anchor myself to what the consequences of my actions are.. in response he told me I’m not only a psycho but a coward. It hurt man. A lot. Like I know I’m awful sometimes and probably deserve it in someways (although I never cheated or anything, no name calling or anything either, I just get harsh and judgey/snippy) but I just wondered how you guys cope with loved ones saying things like that. Just kinda stung because I think he is right. Sometimes I feel BPD does make me a monster, it does make me feel like a psycho , that my brain just gets seized by these frenzied feelings that make me act without thinking then I come back to earth and realise and feel horrible and want to apologise. Afterwards he tried to make a joke out of it and I haven’t responded. I guess I’m curious as to how others with BPD deal with painfall fallout from relationships or even just when loved ones say things to you that hurt. How do you try explain why you can’t just change who you are and the bad things about this illness?",3.754882882882885,5.542112200000003,4.33675675675676,85.93720720720722,72.94594594594594,6.771171171171173,27.738738738738732,7.42949916751922,1.5466468468468468,1494,57,286,17,30,474,191,370,0.134,0.7020000000000001,0.16399999999999998,0.8689,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,1,7,1,7,27,21,2,0,14,1,16,7,2,12,1,79,57,36,0,2,21,1,6,5,1,1,2,2,0,5,24,21,0,2,15,1,0,4,9,9,1,3,5,11,40,12,35,51,4,33,0,5,3,3,39,12,0,13,21,190,64,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059197468065097986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460063780779495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709082281558578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941061670563927,0.05940222901576071,0.04336869337483129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4480165910469776,0.0794201801932585,0.07264593031734931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526086885363346,0.061284215937329176,0.0,0.0,0.15958798541924388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669258311082908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451710528797785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002737133751228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04698990993891585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158351214430143,0.15247576257582718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051501002253965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150933715037828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837308499799214,0.14088739728383953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047686292002113016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284832191532025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03909885595792746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050251077934583714,0.17378670892066522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05974300240292705,0.07959188541579489,0.0776620287568138,0.060484044653438186,0.12842039033827993,0.0,0.2374457051295443,0.0,0.0,0.07749662131061075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754724912782962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052752339639490456,0.05487060238898951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641796745735408,0.05410818207630876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704196810091843,0.0,0.049322259105998405,0.06212015555258536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813624090664827,0.07237897684758172,0.07670521415195658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969750934562894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04557663799514112,0.0,0.0,0.07638198057097814,0.0,0.06075654708246895,0.0,0.1131530537660634,0.0,0.0,0.056692519450495485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35181594299402114,0.0,0.05035605606325413,0.0,0.056815652714219365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18905952432928405,0.13675851712135526,0.0,0.0,0.04148461108086728,0.0,0.06743614873823585,0.20394328750932533,0.0,0.14490622209327333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04196254671727799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396695773376251,0.0,0.06419635178976446,0.0,0.0,0.06858023185138412,0.07715258216007452,0.051793645057013366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778474416950121,0.0,0.0 bpd,AggressiveSasquatch,2020/04/13,"Idk dude Im forcing myself to write this. I'm feeling the worst I've ever felt in my life. Not by emotional standards but physically and mentally. My brain is fogged over, I cant see my future at all. I feel like my life is coming to an end. I started cutting myself and I like it. Not cutting deep but small little cuts, cuts deep enough to leave a temporary mark for me to remember the moment but not deep enough to cause significant pain. I'm kinda OCD not bad, so I clean my blade with alcohol first and pour alcohol over the cut to avoid any infection. I dont know why i'm writing this. I'm afraid of being outed by people, the government tracking me, my online friends connecting the dots, etc. I'm pretty fucked right now, I stopped showering, brushing my teeth, working out, eating right, sleeping on time, and meditating. All positive effort is pointless. I want affection so badly but it's never enough. I want to be strong for my family but fuck it, when i'm dead nothing will matter. I love so deeply that I simp out for women and attend to toxic friends. I try so hard for my bosses that I accept bad deals. I pretend to be happy so well that I actually feel happy, even while talking about a dead loved one or traumatic events. I feel guilty for not giving my abuser, who's now nice, positive reassurance. I think i'm better off dead. I should be sleeping now but i'm so angry, sad, hopeless, hyper, etc. I'm not a bad or toxic person, i'm really not. I'm extremely generous and attentive to those who don't hurt me bad and that I like. I am a leech and a parasite on my family. The external world treats me like how I treat my family, parasitic. EDIT: i'm not a threat to myself and especially not to others. I just feel hopeless, lost, and terrible. Respond how you want: if you have advice/suggestions go ahead.",2.4887311618862427,4.623380881542701,4.437184410954469,82.26615094798251,77.65013774104683,7.796759034192189,24.450575271430893,8.671277953709913,1.9161113919948136,1432,50,276,32,34,488,194,363,0.231,0.522,0.247,0.8655,1,1,2,0,1,3,54.0,0,2,0,7,17,41,8,2,13,0,14,15,4,5,4,65,47,29,3,5,19,0,7,4,2,2,6,0,2,2,13,15,3,2,11,1,0,3,13,23,1,2,2,9,43,18,33,39,8,37,0,5,1,4,17,18,2,4,20,172,56,4,0.0,0.10909971117559586,0.08985677111627874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19681097601745465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261753931115206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3844146570617006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143725346756199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279170273112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459149703963644,0.0,0.07931874356631635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949304091182886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791704277719276,0.0,0.0,0.09422080034149956,0.0,0.10357757618858666,0.08155552544295216,0.28542968043310724,0.2053870206482405,0.060817953850640386,0.08329160740852565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26041441138548826,0.0,0.23279200563717636,0.0657819512297609,0.0884112143094733,0.0,0.0,0.07832317813773558,0.0,0.0,0.14228151771089628,0.1702529028740326,0.0,0.08833150068093851,0.05233117073526283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19604168731523686,0.0824855696087061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857351571978652,0.0,0.09946217202430836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05060474515386849,0.0,0.0,0.09749939628650554,0.0,0.0,0.13007761635394854,0.17994249500339518,0.09228832339138136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005161679819977,0.0,0.1662115416528277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279495551265274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710177518575469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835321766543051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623957728671612,0.0,0.09797958357171037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063836659444918,0.0804006808802772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367843605989164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05898878865397095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430865968148577,0.15727158793831514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337581698068514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842929444470583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517467894142359,0.0,0.0,0.07698298063682213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401039450515143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05900112877977917,0.0,0.0,0.053692572841865766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251625749297812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16293346165321268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279095423836838,0.0,0.08308785366059908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703531713358639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Carrot-bomb,2020/04/13,"I can’t just listen to music, it’s a full body experience. I feel music so deeply, it often brings me to tears. It’s embarrassing and weird but I wouldn’t change it for the world. Like no matter where I am if I have headphones in I get lost in my music. I sway, bob, tap, lip sync, make expressions that, in my mind are me passionately singing but to everyone else probably make me look like I’m very animated and talking to myself. Music is my favorite part of life. *Edit* to add: You all are amazing, thank you for sharing this with me and making me feel less odd ❤️",0.8633333333333333,3.1244908888888894,3.048205128205129,89.23846153846155,84.55555555555556,5.993162393162392,20.11111111111111,7.321109707123232,0.5734752136752133,442,13,95,7,13,150,81,117,0.099,0.6829999999999999,0.218,0.9614,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,1,4,9,0,1,2,0,7,4,2,3,1,19,19,7,0,2,4,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,4,18,6,12,17,4,7,0,1,1,1,6,6,0,2,2,60,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25412182225090546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24201777821143616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191115443909428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186080764854211,0.0,0.22378969765254106,0.0,0.0,0.231355007134016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952755102809585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16159332757783498,0.22353966312801302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921166859414864,0.0,0.2497392328498121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4581351468029917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231001506793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247745292245858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466623862978789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388384195007115,0.0,0.21062890591623165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18876658103215127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Payme666,2020/04/13,"Heartbroken after two dates???! Heartbroken after 2 dates ????! Sooooo I started dating a girl, the first girl I’ve ever dated since recently coming out, I got way too emotionally envolved way too quick (why am I like this) as she gave me too much, and I apparently misinterpreted it? I told her that It would be best to end it, because we werent on the same page, as she said (although she had made it seem like she REALLY liked me, and that I was different from other girls) she wasn’t looking for a relationship. We only went on two dates, but they were very very intimate and personal, and lasted for 12 hours - at least. I’m now feeling heartbroken and miss her like hell. APART from that, we never got to have sex, and I have never in my life been as attracted to another person, as I am to her. I can’t handle it, and I want to text her everyday that I want her. But I know I can’t, because I have feelings for her (already?? Damn girl). How the fuck do you cope with something like this??????? And was It the right decision?",3.1969027093596054,4.691442837438423,4.645809729064041,84.35226139162562,73.82758620689654,8.227709359605912,25.002770935960587,8.841846274778883,1.72699039408867,788,25,164,16,16,263,116,203,0.14300000000000002,0.75,0.107,-0.9285,3,0,1,0,0,0,46.0,3,1,1,2,7,11,3,0,6,0,16,3,0,2,3,30,35,16,0,3,2,0,2,5,0,1,1,1,0,6,13,14,0,0,5,0,0,2,5,4,0,3,13,4,33,7,22,20,5,30,1,1,1,2,26,7,3,1,24,117,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356571067295374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592062413718512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696603940994279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603906443899622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987338583315292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14539181464552484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653544415685788,0.12325380520021452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258775233018909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072621252396733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183688007454853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286504992251293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22259675525206188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704384571362885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647829337773476,0.11343337529793072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982923051498978,0.33993094131161755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685873545646222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167586241463855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022980725319761,0.0,0.21465640998978303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583689270654513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430170072563409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914898930838129,0.0,0.13740298707969836,0.14940497300395564,0.0,0.11884125298681805,0.132372329313447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266853694976406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511398303798133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713160183218558,0.0,0.0,0.09849764486959042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297264239940404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718767649025292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22964193711498435,0.1641594814014093,0.2209162963676881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290020339502152,0.12556959291189762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885475003851343,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BottomWithAnxiety,2020/04/13,"DAE blow things out of proportion? I'm not too sure if I'm the only one really, but does anyone ever feel that as soon as you mess up (whether it's with an SO or a coworker) your relationship with them is absolutely ruined? It can be over the smallest things as well. Recently I missed a phone call from my SO letting me know he was coming home from work, and when he walked in, he commented on it. He wasn't rude, he just said ""hey, I called you to let you know I'd be here."" I immediately felt horrible, and in my mind, I was telling myself that he was probably very irritated and was going to break up with me because of it. I've talked to him a few times about feeling like a shitty SO, and he reassures me that everything is fine, but as soon as anything little happens, my mind starts telling me that the relationship is doomed.",7.275754437869821,5.448218254437872,7.870051775147933,76.26413091715976,64.68047337278107,11.763609467455625,34.14275147928994,10.686352973137794,3.239585207100592,651,22,140,14,8,218,106,169,0.16899999999999998,0.738,0.09300000000000001,-0.9563,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,4,1,1,12,10,1,0,8,0,13,0,0,0,2,25,26,18,0,1,7,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,10,9,0,0,5,0,0,3,2,5,1,1,7,4,18,5,23,15,1,19,1,3,0,0,25,8,0,2,8,95,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733557859041022,0.0,0.12632308128999736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357636827368083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134953718898791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223258331419824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433490375297516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388557599479996,0.0,0.0,0.13796208412581198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523538016993738,0.10966534460152258,0.14739067635775713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724149656246936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574562560541095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397991522163687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872673163457294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139423671476759,0.0,0.07499570685460805,0.15385421986135545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099963745852061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040202335934941,0.11674889830853112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655063782060039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834043707170258,0.0,0.15156952321280764,0.3296178781134787,0.0,0.0,0.1460201940804267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108652958627521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446784162132939,0.0,0.0,0.12338301412120585,0.2683435556233707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20396629800877453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951109526501291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266592512213532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380211191171222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117548357337442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Throw_Me_Away_666,2020/04/13,"How to Handle Being Called Abusive? Hi all, I’m using a brand new throw away account, so I apologize for that. I’m sure many of us here have been called “abusive,” “manipulative,” or something of the sort. It’s really hard for me to cope with being called these words when my bf is describing my shitty behavior. For example, when he’s pointing out my myriad problems, it’s almost like a knee-jerk reaction for me to respond, “well just leave me then.” He responds by telling me that this is emotional abuse. I know my behavior is wrong, but (and this is not to justify it). I am doing it more from a position of shitty coping skills that I learned to protect myself after a lifetime of neglect, rather than trying to be intentionally malicious with him. Thus, being called “abusive” really stings, makes me feel like more of a burden, and feeds my paranoia that he really does secretly hate me. How have others coped with being called out for the symptoms of BPD? Are there any DBT skills that can apply to these types of situations? Thanks! Xoxo",4.8805272108843525,6.624237698979592,5.640693877551023,77.89478231292519,69.96938775510203,8.90013605442177,28.37278911564625,9.3871,2.6194915646258505,823,30,147,18,15,268,121,196,0.196,0.701,0.10300000000000001,-0.9722,0,0,1,0,1,0,27.0,1,0,0,2,10,10,1,0,7,0,16,2,0,7,2,30,24,10,0,2,5,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,14,7,1,2,4,0,1,1,1,5,1,0,1,2,18,5,29,18,3,10,0,1,0,0,17,4,0,3,7,103,32,2,0.0,0.5386400423556968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138068851022352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728781695050223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678056841564597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314175194269946,0.0,0.5802611970703934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994583512861792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784412860526534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05746628218596265,0.0811935994486955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181060570421023,0.11220863308010638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062460619233921835,0.0,0.0,0.1203419293679248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105005696832128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586414187047076,0.11522612398986468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976660465353827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743865355876298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875040244669804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184267259512703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775053490065946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749549570765365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711644063653217,0.11812879996910018,0.0,0.0,0.09933757673898834,0.10463624966535763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716280643891785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671035234678014,0.09815954820765573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218753701796804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426152041397925,0.0,0.0 bpd,plsthisisadisaster,2020/04/13,"I feel evil for liking certain things? I've always been highly emotional about just about everything, but in the past few weeks it's reached completely new heights. I sort of thought that I didn't split on myself that often, but I'm being proven gravely wrong. Okay just trust that this is relevant, but I love reading, like so so much. A week and half ago I was reading a book I was loving and then about 40% through I realized I was operating on the assumption that the main character was a black lesbian (like me) based on a few notes in the book, only to google it continuously until I found out that while that was a common thought, it wasn't actually the authors intention and while she supported reader headcanons she was partially hurt by thinking that the reason that people thought the main character was black was because of her personality(sort of angry, rude, etc common stereotypes about black women), and while I knew that the reasons I thought the mc was black were different (plus I thought she was reclaiming the stereotype bc she's also black) I literally could not get over how betrayed I felt. I literally cried for 3 hours about this character, and while I had been feeling pretty good about myself beforehand it descended into thinking I was so so so completely evil for imposing myself on the character AND thought and (still sorta think) of the author as evil for not clarifying anything so much so that I've refused to read the rest of the book or any other book she's written even though they appeal to me. Like before I found that out I was on her website trying to get a signed copy to then cry about the book so much I still had a headache the next day and completely HATED myself for being so stupid about it. Something similar has now happened like 3 times since, but more on others external criticism. Someone will rightfully(or even playfully) criticize a book, or person, or character I like and boom I'm spiraling. I just go into a spell of being like 'if this is bad and i like it, i must be bad' and next thing I know I'm crying about it. Even when the criticism is super super civil! It doesn't seem to matter to my brain I'll still feel horrific about enjoying any sort of potentially problematic content even if people aren't shaming me for having an attachment to it. It's ruined multiple of my favorite things for me, at least for time being, and I would love to hear if anyone else has experience with this because it sucks!",7.480019766101132,7.431136676659534,7.485235546038543,73.38862090265197,63.389721627409,10.867698896392687,34.87802668423653,10.475803106731721,3.625171372096855,1976,79,354,43,26,636,221,467,0.20199999999999999,0.647,0.15,-0.9895,1,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,1,2,35,34,7,1,27,1,36,5,1,4,2,67,69,44,1,6,15,0,4,8,0,3,0,2,0,2,31,18,0,1,21,10,0,1,6,14,0,1,30,11,44,20,55,30,11,43,0,3,5,4,15,16,1,11,34,260,75,9,0.0,0.0,0.07629922668261024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930805187387923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252611015548776,0.06505784171110174,0.0,0.0,0.10633967294521028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05467016353254557,0.08011181416999537,0.06434123337996543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056574677633814,0.0953241306095854,0.0,0.06653137240693388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872825423208687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24593272417162684,0.0,0.0,0.0624259518783835,0.0,0.2576542217149978,0.05042414231836522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168876656453186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531520002179084,0.08794984358631817,0.0,0.0,0.08719916513485243,0.20656708624518452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026942789613676,0.07648188218592597,0.0,0.0,0.1186010789439057,0.0,0.07507177475979063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145600463837807,0.0,0.0,0.08169895371945671,0.0,0.04443547001404377,0.06557954027817321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914049980570527,0.0,0.0,0.0771934686097385,0.0,0.0,0.08812242371171526,0.0,0.0,0.08260885100248848,0.0,0.0,0.07699843865970295,0.0,0.08370079324432005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042969526656085735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30558572371428633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21170044176344333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17242930877725365,0.0,0.0,0.07551348517605921,0.16630550840534686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946473151393795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463833198241182,0.10841003274745983,0.06826986658559257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795442807415901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23462445491326914,0.0,0.0,0.16077850191976684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117850204473501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467708867675638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624758555013321,0.0601921671800466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18732070112846094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872567324274368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15583189209543086,0.15029720443013006,0.07681832377024085,0.3724304338257849,0.09118292891100573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053083836004218836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254337794395298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554179662300423,0.08548520298457762,0.0,0.0 bpd,beforeoddisee,2020/04/13,"DAE have trouble allowing people to care about/nurture/be kind to them? My kinda boyfriend (we were dating before quarantine) has been crazy supportive of me. In spite of my mood swings, overreactions to small stuff and sensitive nature he's always been super nice. He's literally everything I've ever wanted in a potential significant other. However, whenever I'm feeling down I feel a great urge to reject his comfort. I'm not mean to him or anything, but I'm extremely resistant to him trying to make me feel better. It's like my mind just wants to stay sad. I can FEEL myself doing this and I wish I didn't. I just started DBT with a therapist, and I've let him know this is something I've recently realized about myself just so he knows. Idk what gives? Anyone else?",3.8979158004158014,6.112935371621624,5.354054054054056,76.95393970893973,73.66216216216216,8.878170478170476,27.600831600831604,9.466822959209583,2.837426611226612,617,24,108,16,13,207,104,148,0.09,0.723,0.187,0.9126,1,1,1,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,1,2,6,14,1,0,3,0,10,0,0,2,1,27,28,6,0,3,6,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,8,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,4,18,9,15,23,0,9,0,2,0,0,10,4,0,2,5,63,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935149794038038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255047908365813,0.1839104884871776,0.14770639990335924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273424183251452,0.0,0.0,0.1587458487292352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18300378098381714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499423083361434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623605456605349,0.0,0.0,0.16131559301191348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630256467524337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218482264640628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978902657184022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869130156102185,0.19728792112021104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835424546131368,0.0,0.08769059268172691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981212338882352,0.0,0.0,0.1955191135088788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18123547971395024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443696529695886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17722642909127004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818150273933402,0.0,0.0,0.1270451701607642,0.1913143017862376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20547508755149416,0.0,0.20368508785484712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20840373257156972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218631023583232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21173774536190665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20640663103340556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pluto_projector,2020/04/13,"having self compassion during a breakup I’ve had a lot of self compassion in the past but now I feel myself slipping again. I was recently broken up with and feel myself downward spiraling. I haven’t been sleeping well and today I slept from 12pm-7pm after pulling an all-nighter. This has been a common pattern recently. He said he will talk to me in two weeks and well, that’s a whole different discussion for me. I’ve been through worse breakups and managed to get through them because I went to DBT IOP when it got bad. I feel myself in the cycle again, but this time the person that broke up with me is actually a good person, vs someone who is abusive and manipulative like I have experienced in the past. It’s common for people with BPD to be in relationships with narcissists, abusers, etc. The fact that this person is genuinely a good person somehow makes it hurt even more. I had a mental breakdown in front of him over facetime (bc quarantine), which I don’t do anymore often anymore and he was so kind about it but still stuck to his word despite it and I respect him for that. I give myself credit since I managed to have a very healthy relationship with him, but he said he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore and doesn’t think he can love me. He told me that I didn’t do anything wrong, and I know I didn’t. This time, I wasn’t clingy, respected his boundaries, etc. I put so much hard work into being as healthy of a girlfriend as I was and I feel like it hurts even more because I know I didn’t do something drastically wrong, so my thought process is wow there must be something wrong with me. In terms of the 2 weeks he said, I don’t know how to cope during these two weeks. I don’t know if he said that to give me hope that he will change his mind, or if he genuinely means it and will try to really think it out. The last time we hung out, he was the most loving he’s ever been- staring at me in admiration when I wasn’t looking, hugging me from the back, kissing me by surprise, etc. But we can’t see each other a lot bc of quarantine and our relationship is the type that doesn’t constantly text or facetime (which I’ve had in the past and am proud because I became completely fine with it). I tried telling him that it’s still the first two months of our relationship and that the beginning is when you build a foundation of the dynamic and I think that quarantine inhibits us from doing it. I genuinely think we can work it out. I want to change the hopeful mentality I for the next two weeks until he talks to me again. I don’t know how to set realistic expectations for the worst. I know there are things to occupy my mind during this quarantine, but it’s hard for me to even start bettering myself and changing that mentality.",6.161887890005289,5.919394367941713,6.4267924084846335,80.52852987837127,66.15846994535522,9.779681532404961,32.645925142487805,9.370254747372089,2.670885022621776,2184,82,446,37,31,703,230,549,0.11,0.727,0.162,0.9854,1,4,2,0,1,0,49.0,6,1,1,5,26,31,0,0,29,0,51,6,2,4,3,78,90,37,0,7,11,0,7,2,1,4,0,4,0,6,36,31,0,0,17,0,1,4,14,8,2,5,26,15,67,23,63,57,13,59,0,3,3,4,54,18,0,11,38,314,103,6,0.0,0.14849760629053926,0.061152844842494065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18644309857866734,0.0,0.0,0.05156866763836404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048186182258602536,0.0523233799444101,0.11460158947277135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055422865342625985,0.0,0.0,0.07892546358329686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988765287711816,0.0,0.0657039674662352,0.06771953789895381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547249145624806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20966701424388096,0.1241706389823436,0.05668486282401861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842872189210264,0.04476850666917971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05330355298467041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03274032816468068,0.12022961628247285,0.0,0.10512230925106457,0.05011961709110474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227261290077936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448268782296315,0.0,0.0,0.13417020971275906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525685539417507,0.20663712418626007,0.05108104409559856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061230752790316825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052623544024228,0.0,0.0,0.10655255539777274,0.11311678008743532,0.0,0.04182995167526513,0.0,0.0,0.0682614984055111,0.0,0.0,0.18945735906606653,0.0,0.1265493197825291,0.0,0.05001929579023517,0.0,0.04606662139935402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664585864198659,0.058807669452525815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17946497756824353,0.043444620609019186,0.2188696656700472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299650302315495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04014535794230696,0.0,0.12374996377301785,0.2691187490126988,0.0,0.0,0.23843835283708176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04993658124221397,0.0,0.13074832878524528,0.0,0.0,0.05183785132143887,0.0,0.06271112180713345,0.0,0.05309658428373672,0.0964864893220154,0.0,0.0,0.0443552219766129,0.0,0.10009008190473828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073689752436174,0.05477272835464868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041632416356657036,0.16061502450974202,0.0,0.04974969717825853,0.1096229099511262,0.0,0.05939991294741283,0.05987991975088593,0.0,0.08509201804401142,0.0,0.2448617786445807,0.0,0.07537932007374587,0.0,0.0,0.051705901746993035,0.03696195095205348,0.0,0.2010671086872612,0.0,0.11268827748883478,0.058091884926508526,0.0,0.06996420064541946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124299252491017,0.0,0.06386187040343554,0.0,0.20554585865690495,0.0,0.0 bpd,kelzeycarzon,2020/04/13,"Any book or podcast recommendations? After years of knowing something else was going on with me besides depression and anxiety, I was diagnosed with BPD. All of the criteria was true for me. Everything finally makes sense now and it feels good to know I am not alone, which is how I’ve felt all my life. I am looking to learn more about it and how I can cope with it to try to control it as much as I can. Does anyone have any book or podcast recommendations that have helped?",4.306082949308757,5.807721451612906,5.1978801843317965,81.45967741935488,71.04301075268819,8.755145929339479,29.414746543778804,9.23628265651192,2.4657262672811067,377,15,75,8,7,123,63,93,0.057,0.861,0.08199999999999999,0.34,0,1,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,10,2,0,4,3,21,17,9,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,5,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,3,8,2,15,13,4,6,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,4,53,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339164273229688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071766635772651,0.0,0.1727775421090864,0.0,0.0,0.15792223133696615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844549601428301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25331424627389265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19452755070648908,0.2292368571907233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976461861547352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886718725749016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20298283617761229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419846960730415,0.0,0.21685507074502527,0.24741180297627485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835792179306654,0.18943545549514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138504423598542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482466885244504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952722127557795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18966031288733748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15075916816131574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602853324058642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387329277736396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333990769428166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454424450686237 bpd,r222228,2020/04/13,"How to ease up I need help or tips on how to back off I guess. My partner likes to play games and have his time and I’m fine for about an hour until I want to talk or engage with him. Today he said “You need a hobby” and while it hurt my feelings really bad, I agree? The problem is that when I’m trying to “ease up” on the clinginess, I become 100% cold. It’s like I have to put myself in a mindset of wanting nothing to do with my partner in order to ease up. And I don’t feel like that’s right or fair to him, but I don’t know what else to do. It feels like it’s either try to talk over and over again while coming off as annoying, or I completely ignore and avoid him to the point it hurts his feelings. I just feel so clingy and annoying and when he points this out I can’t help but cry and then shut down to avoid him.",2.5606959706959707,2.7309442087912075,3.940384615384616,93.82544871794872,73.94505494505495,6.945787545787545,21.760073260073266,6.42735559955562,0.1025150183150183,634,12,158,4,12,210,100,182,0.162,0.691,0.146,-0.903,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,9,16,2,2,6,0,8,0,0,2,0,38,23,25,0,5,8,0,5,4,2,0,0,1,0,2,9,13,0,3,6,2,0,2,3,9,0,0,1,7,22,7,33,22,1,31,0,2,0,0,17,17,0,5,15,105,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450497850758308,0.12433621455680224,0.0,0.1644628143641622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282754460225297,0.1561325473391506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357404287920305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439778309760455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764746768665292,0.21276709021934787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16404456319649874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19962661778971014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664940271251292,0.0,0.3188290970441978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183874281923895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910056660903725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22083434673970687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288613124693614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815420162426344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424897211472175,0.0,0.1496987909522851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539754205247143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717096982626713,0.14165045448334593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393814107131999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683242345649468,0.0,0.14115220249019714,0.0,0.0,0.2022044337317661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756656037471256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,toastgrrl,2020/04/13,"Weed and BPD I’m spiraling. I need to quit weed I think. Bc I don’t have any right now and I’m panicking bc it is the only way I can calm down. If anyone has ways of coping when quitting weed pls help. I wanna cry. My FP is being weird and strange and I want to die right now.",-2.7916017316017303,-1.2740027142857144,0.31665223665223863,102.99324675324678,107.88888888888887,3.560750360750361,12.076479076479075,5.565023196281405,-1.3343841269841268,211,4,55,2,11,73,45,63,0.203,0.682,0.115,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,9,12,6,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,5,11,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435405734728634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16899174021426644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30439374064153313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654795747668919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508308264877993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199633105022182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17920633199020736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18381229926141027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5141233991422193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127952625968027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548619605577414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255204848851216,0.3836765360473275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Doravelu,2020/04/13,"DAE Feel shitty even though there’s nothing to feel shitty about? Okay, so over the last 11 months I’ve had a whirl wind. As I’m sure most BPD do. I’ve been in a stable relationship with lots of love with a person I can’t love or adore more. It has great open communication, I’m doing what I want with my life. Cut out seriously abusive and manipulative friends and family out of my life. And I’ve learnt that verbally processing really helps with the surge of emotions... I’m still working on the last one, unfortunately aided by smoking and lost of rational thinking. (Still not 100% but trying to work it out through therapy) I’m in a much better environment and mindset than previously in my life. But FUCK ME! If I’m honest I’m slowly dying on the inside! I feel a surge of downs. Like dropping a 101 times in a day. I just want to cry and cut and scream and yell and punch! I don’t understand... my therapist told me that most of my unhealthy emotions originated from my environment and the shitty places I was getting into and emotional baggage I was in. I did what she told me I fixed it all and theoretically I’m in the best position of my life, I have money, control, a way to get around, my own home, a loving partner and future possibilities. But in the last few months I’ve cut and coloured my hair 1000 times. I’ve dissociated tons and had to go for a walk so no one notices! Like I’m done feeling like shit even if there’s nothing to feel shitty about! I’m loosing my mind! I’m so sure in BPD you’re also supposed to get good feelings right? Like WTF? Where are my good feelings at? I feel so low... I have no libido! Normally My libido is through the roof! DAE experience this or is this just a me thing? Does anybody’s therapist tell them they are just acting out? I feel like no one understands... like I’m shamed for feeling low because everything is good... I don’t want to tell my therapist so I’ve been ignoring her emails and calls... (I know not a good thing) but her reaction is more than I can bare. I feel guilted... I feel bad for my partner who has put in so much effort already. My therapist pointed that out... I feel bad for myself like I can’t catch a break to save my life... I’ve been drinking a glass or two of wine a night... I know this isn’t getting sloshed... I just don’t get drunk anymore because my emotions come raging out and I can’t control anything what I do or say, so I’ve stopped having more than one or two drinks... But I’m loosing my mind, if anyone was to ask, my life is perfection. And not in anyone else’s eyes but 100% in mine. This is everything I want and want for my future, but why do I still feel so sad and angry and just flurry of 100 emotions? Any helpful advice or support is 💯 Welcomed! Thanks for reading x",1.5705680720451198,3.7518129609236266,3.3946097036552314,88.31728677822443,81.02486678507992,6.2954597862329,23.73154466984513,7.475848149327749,1.0532339846062757,2159,78,457,33,57,722,240,563,0.17600000000000002,0.652,0.17300000000000001,-0.9342,0,0,3,0,0,0,86.0,0,0,2,9,26,45,6,2,23,1,36,17,3,4,4,100,89,48,1,9,24,0,15,7,3,0,6,3,1,3,16,35,4,4,19,5,1,6,13,17,0,6,13,20,57,28,63,76,13,56,0,4,2,4,25,31,2,12,23,280,73,3,0.0,0.06840650683946428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056417951314798924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371198277925844,0.046170640239571736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039261764169701084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057257583322652614,0.08073927663252142,0.05915630672984775,0.047510966723650884,0.05139637004675112,0.05397440983634445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964125883895601,0.07038941219244928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605892963856485,0.05106189536422978,0.0,0.0,0.1454303648196289,0.0,0.058953866663866726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049733570472372035,0.0,0.0,0.12950937199732318,0.0,0.0,0.06341916119749713,0.03723428386286514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05991979093796185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05052426743281018,0.0590829266163027,0.0,0.11311659502916625,0.0,0.0,0.048230164884439056,0.3247203909896597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626681558029033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377694909102883,0.05647588596940367,0.054427398024500084,0.0,0.4086955475111447,0.08249175819483773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04460590000442147,0.05337505589793121,0.15082071276903955,0.0,0.03281211792630008,0.19370143792604336,0.0,0.06365301595349229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739707615019399,0.0,0.05791288934293162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345926690687309,0.14118513609394764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24467953004355866,0.1974447541557608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302454753038178,0.049084212814307915,0.15632421257154572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165917367354177,0.0,0.09216701561869962,0.0,0.08488370231801343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05418036483021013,0.05656801915357585,0.11079653508506987,0.06573165396759781,0.0,0.0,0.1564908584046143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05041195496550982,0.060320762690757784,0.0,0.05457821484899578,0.06508751171616224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058039598382271435,0.0,0.0,0.05775060089439776,0.0,0.03698650464816446,0.0,0.0,0.06198575857494518,0.0,0.04930535489062904,0.0,0.04591317101448642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592641242059901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832168160979766,0.04826902596450761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551696769745358,0.10882906509476677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092582932219568,0.053154609873303456,0.06602497784083268,0.2681390328319092,0.07671310657151045,0.03699424201878996,0.056724321755867994,0.0,0.06733145875013292,0.0,0.0,0.11033648938343907,0.0,0.03919825955256715,0.0,0.11279736659728935,0.12020829435915192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702679264509246,0.0458273373924307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05209683663197045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406350173748367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Dino_eating_a_pickle,2020/04/13,"My boyfriend is my fp and its killing me. (Tw, mention of sucide) I go from ""I love him so much cant wait to marry him"" to ""he hates me and he wants me to die I know it"". This happends when we talk and randomly. He will do the smallest thing like say ""ok"" or change his tone slightly, causing my extreme reaction of believing he wants me to die. I usually end up crying and hyperventilating for awhile until I can calm down enough, which sucks as we have limited time together. I also get crazy jealous, even if he is just hanging out with ""the boys"", which leads to more suicidal thoughts like ""he is avoiding me because he hates me and wishes I would jump of a bridge."". I feel like this contiunes I'm going to end up dying in one of these episodes. I have attempted in the past, expecially in the face of rejection. I hate the strain it puts on my boyfriend. I know I'm a burden to him, I know I make his life hell. He says all he wants to do is ""make me happy"" and I feel like he's taking a caretaker role and it makes me want to die even more because I'm ruining his life. Another layer to this is that he doesnt express or feel much emotion (not a sociopath) which clashes hard with my crazy emotions. Sorry if this was confusing or long or stupid. Please if anyone could give advice it would be greatly appreciated. I hope you all have wonderful days.",2.671925465838509,4.385920040293044,3.9944417900939655,87.5654132823698,75.7032967032967,7.238668577799013,26.52157986940595,8.04050195162591,1.5438037585602808,1053,40,223,17,23,346,154,273,0.222,0.6659999999999999,0.113,-0.9869,0,2,0,0,0,2,39.0,2,1,0,3,6,24,8,3,9,1,19,4,1,5,2,50,50,19,6,12,9,0,4,4,0,3,2,2,0,1,15,12,0,3,8,0,0,6,3,14,0,1,2,6,37,10,29,43,7,23,1,2,0,1,29,8,2,11,13,138,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852647385664297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063090332944052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572536035564713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050022238446411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292577838331842,0.0,0.0,0.11359692105105375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357657364643373,0.10666105162170716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050174364976824,0.0,0.1107531589169279,0.06502474141812926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185678903796723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22683244866546154,0.1786046769885861,0.10418071123901587,0.0,0.1331898843591972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294270037449453,0.14406092152871647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052677676758465235,0.09672195146404672,0.11460402952273395,0.0,0.0,0.11116155525117703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733166774741533,0.09032072588685416,0.2986358381958171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014344935975608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115495665544185,0.0,0.1662347973336023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424334557723698,0.19703490978721294,0.0,0.0,0.08922826607137999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099983890559198,0.0,0.2019073842591091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823813489124427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832263539389387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625028833200712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067720249651282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013584655131022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036253490997562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286699475521587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102878093824228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580896842945377,0.08104050910466372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698463621008151,0.0,0.0,0.08004496636704353,0.058792734011722865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104612815933564,0.0,0.2378802918310345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594548138350178,0.0,0.10934202160923397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324848365318768,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,grdma,2020/04/13,"Can we start a thread for family members with a loved one with BPD? I feel like there are so many questions we have about our loved ones suffering from BPD, but I am also afraid to ask just in case those questions are insensitive or hurtful. Can we start a thread here and educate each other on what we have learned from our own experiences, give advice/support to each other, and also get clarification on anything we are confused about? Thanks in advance.",9.47570588235294,8.124800070588236,8.523382352941178,71.80272058823532,60.058823529411754,11.323529411764708,37.720588235294116,10.125756701596842,3.6410588235294123,366,14,66,6,4,114,58,85,0.131,0.757,0.11199999999999999,-0.4234,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,7,0,0,1,8,8,0,2,3,0,8,2,0,0,0,20,17,7,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,11,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,4,0,2,0,1,9,4,13,17,3,7,0,2,0,2,13,4,0,4,3,52,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876059117167092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797753323535662,0.0,0.1681085563228606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4529570355556213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17589964737285507,0.16951943215407486,0.0,0.09092300628602172,0.12846430762945318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394915984839693,0.17250088914531247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925023233700364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785155959036578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245913235968957,0.0,0.0,0.18231048185684684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24370301003653036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4028818161622192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25455675450970705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20405897697938333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655552094927938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,iwishihadamustache,2020/04/13,"Looking for coping mechanisms to avoid suicidal behaviour Hey people, I'm the boyfriend of a wonderful woman with bpd, her biggest struggle, especially in the current lockdown is having suicidal responses to distress. Do any of the people here have experience or knowledge on how to stop things from getting that extreme or any ways of bringing it back down from there. Things like talking don't seem to help much, it tends to lead to her spiraling and getting worse. When she becomes suicidal it's damn near impossible to talk her down, she becomes extremely difficult to get through to. I don't know if grounding techniques would help so any advice is appreciated really.",10.356723163841806,10.100843203389832,9.580000000000002,61.407231638418104,57.64406779661017,12.951412429378527,46.78531073446328,12.161744961471696,6.145639548022599,550,32,81,15,6,175,84,118,0.256,0.677,0.066,-0.9781,1,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,3,4,0,8,0,0,2,0,14,18,7,3,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,2,4,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,0,1,6,1,22,17,1,14,0,0,1,0,11,7,1,5,5,57,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497335344209385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126027751661011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782358689025592,0.0,0.0,0.338458623389351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19298646998954008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988729329373102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401673707801201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205412240177803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421061119987314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748599140208675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867370729925207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264089236325245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21245928983415704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816237452410716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949386060154872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281062444184488,0.0,0.16018814445403207,0.0,0.5028227294442903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24631921522268915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035969813804524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216259903267624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617023542426684,0.0,0.0,0.1561533677034589,0.10884943365090123,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shaunajack,2020/04/13,Does anyone else get really attached to characters in tv shows? I swear I get so attached to characters in tv shows and books that when I finish them it feels like I'm grieving. I thought it was normal to feel like that all the time but nope. I got diagnosed last year and I'm now wondering if anyone else with bpd gets this? Like it feels like I've lost my best friend! Over a non existent person!,1.9491666666666667,4.143082728395065,3.072330246913584,91.06923611111117,79.74074074074075,7.012962962962964,21.23611111111111,8.07648339933343,0.9875296296296292,315,9,67,6,8,101,55,81,0.068,0.6940000000000001,0.23800000000000002,0.9546,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,2,3,8,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,12,13,6,1,2,2,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,3,7,6,7,9,2,9,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,2,10,33,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23848081014610897,0.3494617376471097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17896351182334005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147799229108983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730870661950774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923428512068104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849163201565891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25867931942354194,0.36548571175997663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175311464291667,0.0,0.2672888383556793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639055136863798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900688339298786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332545864669135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18615654958795266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708580505998136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489025461045736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924759250833067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538388803392773,0.09943896886848763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184935401722433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981744570081084 bpd,_gh0stmal0ne,2020/04/14,"Hi all. Hope all is well. Or as well as it can get. Most of us know and/or are used to people coming and going. And I’m not sure if it’s been done before, so apologies if it has, but I would like to have a group chat. We can discuss how we’re feeling, what we’re doing, how we’re coping, etc. Where we can drop in just to chat and there’ll be no hard feelings if you need some time and don’t respond for a while. A safe haven. Would anyone be interested in this? Please let me know in the comment section. I would love to talk to like-minded people and share and encourage each other.",1.245498181818185,2.8100177680000016,2.718618181818183,95.8113090909091,79.32,5.1854545454545455,18.563636363636363,5.565023196281405,-0.5045199999999999,451,9,106,2,11,147,87,125,0.061,0.698,0.24100000000000002,0.9774,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,3,1,0,0,7,10,0,0,4,0,17,1,0,3,3,35,29,17,0,8,7,0,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,1,4,2,0,2,3,0,2,0,2,3,7,10,12,21,7,10,0,0,0,1,16,5,0,7,3,74,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163403299833054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019328103207464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216718132072208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19265280136819216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20995689493328246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19037731406633146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835678252026712,0.0,0.10699108523139647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686417575676092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869821919950952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20692281582083155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19250606583297147,0.0,0.18394622697295648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990975903618086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190086425849656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959056335415662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26102811672648313,0.0,0.0,0.2066502208480888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17743048171045545,0.0,0.0,0.1513142609892762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097744720116889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264506132536909,0.1625940501707178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33853223296367463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4011982158297384,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,garclicbread,2020/04/14,"Diagnosis has left me shattered and terrified of relationships I was recently diagnosed with BPD after many years of increasing symptoms being misdiagnosed due to overlapping. I’m mostly distressed about relationships, I’ve had quite a few very turbulent relationships with the classic on a pedestal to hating them timeline. I’m receiving therapy but I’m terrified I’m not going to be able to maintain a relationship with anyone, I guess I’m asking for advice and what the common consensus is on receiving DBT and success rate with relationships. I also thought I should note I’m in a relationship at the moment, we’ve known each other for three months and have been dating two months. I’m very confused because the infatuation I experienced with him was very short and mild compared to other relationships, now I just feel stable feelings that include lust, happiness and well very neutral feelings. I can’t tell whether this means I don’t really like him that much or whether it’s a sign of a person that I might have a maintained relationship with.",8.074343971631205,9.364215973404256,8.220000000000002,64.03333333333335,62.13829787234043,11.585815602836881,38.539007092198574,11.374738998889045,4.988190070921985,865,43,132,25,12,282,117,188,0.094,0.794,0.113,0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,5,7,1,2,11,0,14,3,0,0,0,31,30,11,0,1,6,0,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,8,13,0,0,6,0,0,4,3,3,1,2,5,4,13,4,22,21,5,21,0,0,0,1,16,7,0,5,11,89,21,1,0.09339633717706808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126581976084518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468901709733412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530489052720916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731296768178934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693354026968012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762941718073902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479531625727128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167198296800151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053079290737162665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288659499669807,0.0,0.0,0.09942213762282197,0.0,0.0922095470589459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014753936168789,0.0,0.0,0.04562873271350137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468922676277636,0.0,0.10173599126028482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907875444409037,0.0,0.0,0.14909613056340776,0.0,0.06865705414543251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155007915835487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933850097019377,0.0,0.0,0.059832085145523364,0.0,0.09221761554428363,0.8021817081977285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707455514578152,0.0,0.0,0.08163251530295454,0.0,0.10680685113347256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414625924649346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123465040342436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082470377071321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397452357136555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601441790228353 bpd,crystalcastles,2020/04/14,"How do I become my own favorite person? My favorite person dumped me over a month ago, with the urging that I need to become my own favorite person. I'm all for this, tbh. I don't think I can pursue a healthy relationship until I address that. And I've got a ton of free time alone these days! Those who have worked on this, what steps did you take?",2.3633333333333333,3.9463597777777792,3.3483333333333363,92.43,76.22222222222223,5.355555555555556,20.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,-0.1986000000000004,272,6,59,1,6,87,53,72,0.063,0.726,0.21100000000000002,0.899,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,4,0,5,0,0,1,1,6,10,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,8,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,10,2,7,8,4,8,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,5,40,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20422380439255455,0.0,0.0,0.2386110182051153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5088877589787701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858028611491222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842611960030324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389237189870605,0.0,0.0,0.1708287314861836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6034940314663395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24734896951517565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732220378531825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476224192736001,0.0,0.0,0.13434026880273334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16772417573516932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,taco238,2020/04/14,Disassociating like crazy Hey I’ve never posted on reddit before but I feel like I’m going crazy. I’m disassociating so much and I feel like part of it is because like life just doesn’t feel real if that makes sense. Like all the craziness in the world with COVID and just things in general seem so unreal and strange. It’s so hard to ground myself and I just feel myself slipping into a dark place. I don’t really know how to explain how I feel but I just feel like nothing is real if that makes sense. If you have any advice for grounding during this time or just feel somewhat how I feel please let me know because I feel really alone and scared. Thank you.,2.348316946211681,4.605563195488724,3.571428571428573,87.67934065934071,78.69924812030075,5.8968189705031815,19.25332562174668,7.010146845296331,0.2479906304222088,527,12,107,6,13,171,77,133,0.136,0.7020000000000001,0.162,0.5837,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,0,11,8,0,1,3,0,6,1,0,5,2,42,25,17,0,3,11,0,10,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,13,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,10,13,7,9,24,4,12,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,6,8,64,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513507263239534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262764168897276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870826323281043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15612378687957235,0.0,0.10896642581517672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5827417293286198,0.2744502036866049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727773104879343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471323545494096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075271768167055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094617830669164,0.0904499071959676,0.3753708538765185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095706500868946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413606846164416,0.0,0.09876486431458782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228734130022475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867242557451606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379151218079574,0.14056729355099798,0.0,0.0,0.1226424769377334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915120653426914,0.1640722088521652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282066327289763,0.0,0.0,0.11657758861869938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178969780403515,0.0,0.0,0.08507487367912113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467062153790867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cloudsinmybrain,2020/04/14,"Finding moments where I feel like the true me I’ve been trying to go for a walk in nature everyday to clear my mind. The goal on the walk is to walk as slow as I can and focus on all of my five senses. I usually focus on one of the senses at a time. I find that by the end of my very slow and mindful walk, I am fully immersed in the present and am hyper aware of everything around me. I also have ADHD so being able to achieve this present feeling is like hitting a reset button in my brain. I find that it’s really hard to feel a sense of identity with BPD but being in this meditative state is when I feel the closest to the real me.",4.150383211678832,3.716188737226279,5.903348540145987,83.23998631386863,70.38686131386861,8.601824817518247,28.07390510948905,8.07648339933343,1.6541394160583938,495,15,109,6,8,172,80,137,0.01,0.8959999999999999,0.09300000000000001,0.8284,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,12,0,10,1,1,0,3,19,16,9,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,7,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,5,15,3,25,12,1,27,0,0,0,0,0,11,0,0,12,78,20,2,0.17415828667560787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20930441649978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392743189328277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503779884225502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21934626536807966,0.19441824553350665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425254907643124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652223827288472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35223865045678576,0.2488374295990507,0.0,0.0,0.47753255663434796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897816779703936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560116166876326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17016988358969218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35170044519121585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801416230327758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19823025833809832,0.11157025802219528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015530975043885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824204460255575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918107478757709,0.14369882583866142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GeneralPigeon91,2020/04/14,"Periods and BPD For the ladies of this sub, does anyone notice a significant intensity of their symptoms in the days leading up to their periods? I had a full blown meltdown yesterday over something I could usually deal with, cried over Toy Story 4 (I can’t cope with children being lost or feeling left out / abandoned) and erupted at a colleague. All within the space of three hours! I know logic would dictate that things get amplified when hormones join in to the mix, but guess I just wanted to see if anyone else has similar experiences? Edit: Thanks for your insights. I deal with it by talking about it with my friends when I’ve calmed down and laughing about it. The tips about self soothing / self care are excellent as well. Not to mention self validation. These feelings and emotions are real and they’re okay, I try not to attach too much judgement to them. Detached mindfulness works as well. Lots of love to this sub 🥰 C x",4.2009482758620695,6.687542931034487,4.452399425287356,82.51066810344828,73.71264367816093,7.108620689655173,29.84051724137931,8.07648339933343,2.2757137931034466,746,33,131,12,16,233,125,174,0.027000000000000003,0.732,0.24100000000000002,0.9919,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,3,4,9,12,0,0,8,1,8,2,0,1,1,31,19,12,0,4,6,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,8,10,0,1,5,1,0,1,3,2,2,1,2,3,12,10,32,14,4,21,0,2,1,1,14,12,0,4,8,89,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20060777009775574,0.14698193091704712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18067081108339728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625728698446255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453350596891122,0.0,0.15757357558707058,0.09251366829694324,0.2957822154377887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553444925757676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983443786536498,0.1613624403354348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032205911606754,0.0,0.0,0.14506570824480935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108294563229482,0.0,0.07494693570480722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802683557549918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126979034310394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883661185229371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155859325916736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565931039862361,0.12195643669806926,0.12946962537616516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484405418177645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545258113446758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633192799991686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327800929328015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143114303819195,0.0,0.4489502919010073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043515928164473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490999363433056,0.0,0.11530003217873565,0.0,0.13206989462678018,0.0,0.0,0.0953021000957512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973934343794477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799039630365033,0.0,0.0846107878819671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579583517049805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443363090134966,0.0,0.0,0.10190307882590248,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LuckyLukl,2020/04/14,"Help coping with anger Heyo, has anyone some good Tipps how to not think about certain events? Especially in regards to losing your FP(s). My thinking gets very cruel and detailed and I need something to keep me off it, otherwise it won't end to well, so any kind of ideas a really appreciated.",7.7755757575757585,7.6014377090909075,7.650909090909089,72.86303030303033,62.81818181818181,10.242424242424242,32.878787878787875,9.725611199111238,2.9870606060606053,234,8,42,4,3,75,50,55,0.209,0.655,0.13699999999999998,-0.5897,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,4,7,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,12,7,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,4,4,9,6,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943244281205384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998078039828454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530957143336541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492961377430571,0.0,0.0,0.23967925249365404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19153676457430968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225846532327873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539937802409136,0.0,0.2975717415721432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31968877383536193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118850519521499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830631281076974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21998955123032926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662028477875645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357792930638861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569296879581996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,notokbutitsokay,2020/04/14,"My mother doesn’t believe I could have BPD because I’m not clingy with boys. I don’t have a diagnosis, but reading through this board and other similar ones, everything makes sense. It is the most “omg thats what i deal w every day.” feeling. Im 17F still living w my parents. My mom is truly a good person. She tries to understand my mental health more than anyone else I know. But she just never quite gets it. *putting this here because I don’t want people to think I come from a bad home, quite the opposite actually.* She told me that I probably don’t have it, because I’m not clingy in relationships. (ex. i dumped my last bf for being too clingy, bordering on stalkerish.) In relationships, I just try to be the most chill girlfriend possible, because I don’t want them to leave me if I have a problem with them just trying to live their life. If he wants to go out, he wants to go out. I’ll just hang w my friends for the night. If he says someone on TV is hot, I don’t care. If he watches *ahem* adult videos, I don’t care. I just take a more passive route. But I’ve never had a sense of self, I dissociate, I have explosive anger, I always am terrified of people abandoning me, I just don’t act like it. Im not asking for a diagnosis, I just need to vent. I feel like the stereotypes about the disorder make it harder to get diagnosed sometimes. If yall have any tips for me that would be great",1.7729681249193447,3.746865094076657,3.4802942315137457,89.04313846947994,79.24390243902441,6.899935475545233,23.5216156923474,7.921354282810032,1.166455258743064,1090,37,236,19,27,363,157,287,0.105,0.758,0.13699999999999998,0.8042,1,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,1,3,2,11,12,2,0,13,0,24,3,0,2,2,44,48,9,0,13,18,4,3,2,3,1,3,1,1,4,12,6,0,1,5,3,0,6,13,5,0,1,2,5,37,7,27,41,4,18,0,1,1,0,28,6,0,7,8,142,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.10309997194059338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790995592696993,0.0,0.0,0.07184618883772928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387351839933841,0.10825176285723777,0.0,0.0,0.0987692663209362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821403187374065,0.25761506684705743,0.0,0.0,0.11903230874378752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330635247108213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21543612943444776,0.0,0.0,0.09100883700203233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435359264909903,0.0,0.0,0.0681360465129958,0.10892136891653234,0.0,0.10723337078078253,0.0,0.0,0.12108500689429258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825771350937768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890153828367052,0.0,0.094952155603229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684047045549476,0.0754769756550618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162557090258568,0.0,0.11039639852564312,0.0,0.12008760536125168,0.08861490550464078,0.0,0.11648041551364705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230189420471932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597639896889187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282420571642133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05806293438558164,0.08611952929609018,0.0,0.11186897655554008,0.0,0.0,0.07462430727027197,0.1032313199957029,0.0,0.1865832409439215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104550181120645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647118954678188,0.0,0.0,0.12373697780745692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833875340162284,0.1629688699657859,0.0,0.0,0.0991461490640903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159173818399685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731274625824492,0.0,0.0,0.14648996877565135,0.09225023156056254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910543900994837,0.0,0.0,0.11390946633143186,0.10109357798743923,0.0,0.1062082673466985,0.0,0.2247453297889456,0.10567942284552792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268589101893795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401778230310386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102168596061057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895176072984693,0.0,0.10449137456013784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437289109352697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943627742856925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769678729927735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095389776260058,0.0,0.2151899399439676,0.0,0.0,0.10998624232802436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492623926714369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505131994564505,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Juni0rbug,2020/04/14,"Urgent please help me with this So my (f18) bf (m21) brother (m22) is on drugs and my bf is trying to get him committed into rehab. The only thing is I feel like they aren’t really trying. They tried taking him to the Er but he wouldn’t go in and they called the police but then he acted normal and the police said they wouldn’t do anything. The whole ordeal is making me feel PHYSICALLY unwell. I was worried that his brother might hurt him or his sister while the sleep or even himself and then they’d wake up to see that and his brother would possibly life with the guilt and I could lose my bf or his sister. The part that worries me the most is that he’s pretty much ignoring that fact that this is causing me real distress and I’m worried it’s traumatizing me or bringing up old trauma. Idk what to do to make him realize that his involvement might be effecting my mental health. Main because I know that most people wouldn’t be phased by this like I am. What should I do.",2.8053475935828867,4.643746070707074,3.9109387997623313,87.7677807486631,75.66666666666666,6.477005347593582,21.748068924539513,7.285733465282438,0.6856710635769456,774,20,156,9,17,251,110,198,0.17300000000000001,0.755,0.07200000000000001,-0.9782,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,5,2,2,8,0,2,9,0,23,6,2,4,2,39,35,17,0,7,6,5,2,2,3,7,4,1,0,0,15,10,0,1,5,0,0,3,4,6,1,0,2,4,30,2,13,22,6,12,0,2,1,0,30,5,0,8,6,113,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695710532052132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663833282036472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451259376085369,0.0,0.0,0.14600194976175174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347557771323873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164820357658547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387249510379314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372575876554533,0.1015344236982854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425466246749178,0.0,0.08077314769066334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107266831162824,0.0,0.0,0.0952636686962266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521481945034542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781084102788374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003873825999372,0.13887059586593334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590019832706292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897396340717832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322898840712106,0.3015452073520782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447853197503616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925272900466135,0.0,0.0,0.1491367132474177,0.0,0.0,0.10809278127232416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539079726422415,0.0,0.09853186636140797,0.0,0.0,0.15601102440236467,0.0,0.16022504882116806,0.0,0.14459264038970265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176983560995462,0.09104917912394167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519381449207676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325555340404896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422280546280491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686062311647468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442180935756676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894814789311725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867794841891322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43300576857897694,0.0,0.10096181586954794,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MorganFein,2020/04/14,"Fictional villian character copycat I can't watch movies/read books with cunning villain characters because i catch the mood of them immediately, and feel myself in his/her state. In this state of mind, i can't concentrate on work or study, and just get bad thoughts about intriguing with someone, i start to tease my friends or haters. I try to avoid triggering, but i like to watch movies and tv series. What can i do?",4.4306593406593375,6.872516205128207,4.18648351648352,84.89423076923079,72.84615384615384,8.046886446886448,30.37362637362637,8.841846274778883,2.5777010989010987,336,15,63,7,7,102,59,78,0.132,0.7979999999999999,0.07,-0.3818,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,2,8,3,1,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,14,8,6,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,2,2,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,3,10,2,11,7,0,7,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,2,2,35,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091770880109191,0.22572564280224536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18722999524852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28608551023958656,0.0,0.19346149528628226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809052269228366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3738878319949296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37039069095969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137459263834476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26209351122532315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939692833173379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25140293287408955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695758832879792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,starshot65,2020/04/14,"How to refrain from splitting? I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar I and quiet BPD and I'm currently manic and having a really hard time trying to prevent myself from splitting. My version of the ""emptiness"" we feel is feeling alone and right now, I'm feeling the most alone I've ever felt in my life. I'm aware that my manic state is highly contributing to these feelings, along with this quarantine, but I think that I'm feeling these feelings for a good reason. My mom has always been absent, and she hasn't been answering my calls (though I don't understand why I expected anything from her anyways). My dad is a narcissist and is controlling, abusive and called me a ""mental case"" the last time I was manic, so I know that I can't go to him. My sister, who is the closest thing to a parent has blocked my number as a result of being ""jealous"" that I'm ""collecting"" diagnoses when she wants her own (???). I have a few close friends that suffer from Bipolar and BPD as well, but they're all going through their own things and aren't able to be there for me in the way I need them to. The splitting is especially horrible with my best friend. She suffers from a plethora of mental illnesses and was in a really bad place on the brink of suicide last year. We've literally saved each other's lives, so it's understandable that I'm extremely attached to her and terrified of her leaving me. She's having a really difficult time right now, and is under immense pressure from all her family. But, my manic thought spirals always end with ""no one cares"" and it really feels like she doesn't care about me right now. My bedroom is covered in reminders of her; photos, stuffed animals, presents she's given me, clothes and objects of hers, and I'm having such a difficult time trying not to split on her and burn it all. I understand that I'm being really extreme, but the abandonment is so fucking heightened right now. I have no one.",7.743909168081495,6.88708191666667,7.906004527447653,73.25269100169781,63.16666666666666,11.057385398981323,37.052065647990936,10.307518312809881,3.7904279569892476,1531,65,277,30,19,500,185,372,0.17800000000000002,0.727,0.095,-0.9906,2,4,0,0,0,1,50.0,1,0,2,2,16,18,2,1,19,0,29,7,0,4,4,61,59,28,1,3,5,4,9,1,2,0,6,1,1,0,17,24,0,5,16,0,0,2,8,9,1,2,8,10,47,9,40,48,10,37,0,3,0,1,27,16,1,1,18,201,64,1,0.09116364383132533,0.10801401075076393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18883608298557794,0.0,0.0,0.15171090926981107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750199112273192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761178346912099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567061985110878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22963483614182365,0.0,0.1861765461164096,0.0,0.18589482124880488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224777835880726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505835901833612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074392963149954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246273506254093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594097004764556,0.0,0.32266554237491496,0.06512732536845614,0.08753139444651134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408656101657716,0.0842793197306743,0.0,0.0,0.1036207993126774,0.07646373921592989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166471850835315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631939493915956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050101154514442886,0.1486210743439774,0.0,0.0965291358263404,0.0,0.0,0.06439157766731096,0.0445379515224685,0.0,0.08049916769844025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18374302212822685,0.0,0.0,0.10676975784780583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759668677059108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354968878750501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122643798480638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524660461122908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29200882308430004,0.09373140914204188,0.09001310021949485,0.0,0.0,0.3114130148890581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971822989333776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113014829693533,0.058413981940511485,0.0895678172011758,0.07237375012424052,0.21263301534659776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378826004544985,0.0,0.0,0.2847137048609625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05377067910028216,0.07236145715496765,0.0,0.0,0.08196706411785132,0.0,0.0822610089600435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587063977099037 bpd,RizzyRizzz,2020/04/14,"Hey cool cats and kittens Just got diagnosed with BPD. I cannot stress how relieving it is to actually know what has been going on!!! I’m 27 yo and have been struggling for years!! I just thought I was flat out crazy, there has been a slew of other diagnosis. I look forward to any advise you guys have for me.",2.887619047619048,4.3437625238095245,4.120825396825399,87.96028571428577,74.55555555555556,7.5796825396825405,25.29841269841269,8.238735603445708,1.356323174603174,241,8,53,4,5,79,51,63,0.132,0.7959999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.5921,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,1,1,10,1,0,1,0,9,16,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,6,2,6,2,8,10,0,5,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,2,34,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.30214331335111416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21055142051434805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38995407550131306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142565932819371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17596351528182955,0.0,0.2476304611960209,0.0,0.0,0.3065713182028401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015841079235705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600018362630603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35466732170515597,0.3236808247761024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458027648978392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19938437416210836 bpd,Caitlan90,2020/04/14,"DAE hate dating apps but feel like you're addicted to them? I hate dating apps! They make me feel like shit. I hate the small talk. I hate the mindless scrolling. I hate the ""let's talk for a week and then ghost each other"" I hate rejection. I hate them But I can't stop. Everytime I delete them I just redownload more. I can't stop. I'm addicted to them. When I'm in a relationship I don't use them but as soon as it's over I'm back on them no matter how much I love my ex. I don't want to use them. I feel SO much better and happier without them Does anyone else feel like this? How do you stop?",-1.7360668847691727,0.14788631297709998,0.7146128680479826,101.04989821882951,101.90076335877865,4.632642675390767,13.87168302435478,6.42735559955562,-0.7035171937477283,461,10,116,7,21,154,69,131,0.319,0.483,0.198,-0.9763,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,9,1,7,14,8,0,5,0,6,4,1,5,0,22,25,12,1,1,5,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,4,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,0,4,26,5,10,24,4,14,0,1,0,1,15,4,1,0,13,68,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321867235143554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446255666014492,0.10911491966233232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188673599955185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941846257562789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931929609315464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896144566123346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153847483446807,0.2282363977523136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7359802607333981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889656351022098,0.0,0.15608166865821882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961143161168939,0.0,0.07108507146973518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15656958439560795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433389677285688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931379102360904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670993769615528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17119048130273165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18395195220666172,0.0,0.0,0.06281247813731583,0.0,0.08542246176977195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026556930121553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bonbi_,2020/04/14,"Father left My dad got out of my (and my siblings) life when I was 7. He did the usual Deadbeat dad thing where he would visit once every 2-3 years for a weekend. Then the visits stopped completely when I was in middle school. I’m now 17 and I’ve realized that my entire life I’ve felt nothing but abandoned and had a need to feel loved by him and it still affects me to this day, but what I’ve learned is that no matter how much I’ve cared, he hasn’t and doesn’t. Crying myself to sleep because I cared so much, meanwhile I wasn’t ever on his mind and I’m still not. I don’t think I ever wanna mend a relationship with someone who I can’t ever trust or feel loved by so I don’t think I want to try. I’m gonna put my care in the people I CAN trust and DO feel loved by. My life will always be affected by this underlying feeling of not being capable of being loved traced back to him, but life goes on. People don’t really understand what it feels like to be abandoned by your parent(s) (unless they’ve gone through it) especially as a boy. It’s like experiencing a lifetime of pain when your so young it just changed everything for me. I’ve developed bpd, but I’ve managed it and have been self harm free for about 2 and a half years. I guess out of everything I’ve experienced and all the pain I’ve felt only makes me stronger and I know that this will always be with me, but it’s made me a much more empathetic and caring person.",3.6948019801980174,4.154991970297033,5.078235973597359,85.637948019802,71.54125412541255,8.172211221122112,26.04108910891089,8.238735603445708,1.3944166336633668,1129,33,250,16,20,379,157,303,0.08,0.693,0.228,0.9947,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,0,0,17,18,0,0,11,0,24,11,1,5,4,58,54,28,0,4,10,3,7,2,0,4,6,0,0,3,17,16,0,3,13,1,1,4,10,5,0,1,11,9,29,14,33,34,5,32,0,2,0,4,22,10,0,2,20,158,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159504276000007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370020110132214,0.0,0.05842726271849812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071557167336272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3908884208545389,0.0,0.10139310674934028,0.0,0.1004934482966175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528310657125868,0.06181319654844693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600965003064878,0.08075498413414743,0.0,0.1722816792982446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423148736085827,0.06847290633686559,0.184055738188632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665736702094163,0.0,0.10558595315888243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05267484333231725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413772715050768,0.0,0.27079745354519275,0.09365171886855693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460215792003186,0.0906924712490791,0.06397842090872949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677785082820964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113750728146599,0.07106911846508775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196749997024543,0.0,0.0,0.10207361441710083,0.0,0.07289573937746335,0.20397530700778527,0.0,0.10642642497192553,0.0,0.0,0.13289607624325692,0.08368964721199637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635241315797938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06140185453485208,0.0,0.0,0.10290349324588384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700198407754317,0.0,0.0,0.09998901836027944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591592593227538,0.0,0.08121060345688788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530866073813117,0.080132138438196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367629295370912,0.12282939892118637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507362222954878,0.0,0.0,0.09977980177277476,0.0,0.0,0.10556160618492344,0.0,0.05653287084758037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680867503830838,0.0,0.0,0.12344427316869275 bpd,Fat_Methaney,2020/04/14,"Self-employed people: have you ever sent an ""I am quitting the business, possibly forever, effective immediately, for mental health reasons"" email to your clients? How did it work out? I have work-related anger issues. This was fine (given a sufficiently broad definition of ""fine"") when I was younger, but now I'm married...*and* I work from home. I've never been physically violent with my wife, and I don't even think I've ever put her down verbally (and I'm quick to apologize if I believe I've come close to doing so), but it's certainly fair to say that she has witnessed angry behaviour from me, and I can tell it's beginning to frustrate her. I don't really see a way forward other than ending my current career, and going to work at a gas station or something until I get my head straight. This probably doesn't qualify as an 'impulsive' decision because I've been contemplating it for over a year. My overhead expenses have become unwieldy (TLDR: insurance problem), so the difference in take-home pay wouldn't even be that big. Things that are stopping me: 1. Right now my self-confidence is so low that I'm not even sure if I can handle having this conversation with my clients, without either breaking down or changing my mind at the last minute. 2. I have reached out to everyone in my professional network, and scoured the phone book, and to make a long story short, I have nobody else to refer my clients to. 3. Usually, when I leave a job without a rock-solid plan, I end up back in a nearly-identical job three months later for half as much money. (Fucking hell, I can't believe this has happened often enough that it has a ""usually"".) It goes without saying that my marriage is a higher priority than my career. It's the only area of my life where I feel truly competent, and where I don't feel like I'm getting ripped off.",5.332083333333333,6.436266829545456,6.388522727272727,75.38299242424245,68.20454545454545,9.503030303030306,33.416666666666664,9.725611199111238,3.352891666666668,1452,66,260,32,24,485,209,352,0.092,0.831,0.077,-0.7912,4,0,1,0,0,0,62.0,0,2,0,7,18,12,5,0,17,0,28,4,1,4,5,43,46,22,0,4,11,1,2,1,0,1,2,2,1,0,19,13,0,1,7,1,3,5,11,7,0,2,7,5,36,5,39,37,3,51,1,1,1,1,15,23,2,5,24,177,55,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245998850034245,0.0,0.06537175394203112,0.11843678727300624,0.0,0.24164272357471825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344439081068672,0.0923766978672774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204168165049308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958422504762306,0.0,0.18996342590706333,0.1108063078418864,0.0,0.21249057266279414,0.1940071994716944,0.0,0.1024712326774543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844628043147746,0.07661139297789067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914050741784734,0.1120556540241378,0.0,0.06094625974515785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483088304763664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100579081636551,0.11398978926233992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756922196899138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192940599046704,0.21283584808338846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741390397153867,0.0,0.1135503648701927,0.0,0.0,0.07574590900559301,0.05239144225890023,0.0,0.0,0.09490292973542648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158270633686589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807144923863886,0.0,0.10828057925392638,0.0,0.08559695668609787,0.0,0.07883282909722941,0.0,0.0827091442903772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155991084102693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743458549298518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089559119984952,0.0,0.0,0.11562152316358584,0.10261301229307188,0.0,0.10780457532353586,0.0,0.11406162363404025,0.0,0.0,0.06869989692270692,0.1102593078946004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158131677878892,0.0,0.17056113553278776,0.0,0.0,0.08545540903988605,0.0,0.22374683327699246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255763817553105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965640683988517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107126403705843,0.0,0.08063020297200701,0.0,0.09373140470057434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124466834885063,0.06871426855823942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362166914611121,0.0,0.0,0.08512113769740458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101230191415861,0.0,0.31228438368336203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905824674704264 bpd,Orion_InTheSky,2020/04/14,"Reassurance regarding Diagnosis Hello. I'm quite new here. I haven't received an official diagnosis nor am I looking for that here. I just wanted to know if anyone else has been in this situation. Did anyone else know they had BPD before they had been officially diagnosed by a psychiatrist? Like you just knew yourself well enough / could identify with some of the symptoms? Were you correct? I apologize if I am invalidating anyone's lived experiences by posting on this sub without having the proper diagnosis. It's as if a light has clicked in my brain. Just looking for other people's experiences if you are willing to share. Would be much appreciated. I don't have anyone else to talk to about this. Please correct me or let me know if the flair is correct EDIT: sorry if the title is misleading, what I mean to say is asking for other people's experiences before their official diagnosis and if they had known.",5.316428571428574,7.632933023809527,6.790000000000003,67.75500000000002,69.95238095238095,9.561904761904762,31.04761904761905,9.957137785484203,3.5891976190476185,740,32,119,20,14,252,102,168,0.024,0.871,0.105,0.9035,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,3,4,1,7,4,0,0,7,0,24,3,1,0,3,27,34,11,0,10,12,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,8,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,8,5,17,4,18,21,3,6,0,0,3,0,15,3,0,9,2,93,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34850846715842754,0.38301941708632026,0.0,0.0,0.11648939414864885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21206033709487415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693636243566678,0.13910103367364193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994874141317032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264720379129002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122759120912839,0.0,0.0,0.1287508703993295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656644932588435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205439899505524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741764495470387,0.0,0.06087599094028962,0.0,0.11002900753167592,0.0,0.2092746042326265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357320029278375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159943653021084,0.0,0.0,0.12034484290883946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277163582527222,0.0,0.0,0.13677950539324304,0.0,0.0,0.11933769877741444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325333693366874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909135627675554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006188952155493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394857420463496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951290531544038,0.0,0.10015324296348896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734955978411055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203537841481524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011532984302285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851622692140425,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wheres-gary,2020/04/14,"Am I being manipulative? I’ve been best friends with this boy for a year. We met on tinder and we sort of have a relationship in the sense that we live together in a one bedroom flat and we kiss and cuddle just like anyone would in a relationship. Recently we’ve had the conversation of why we aren’t together and he said that it’s because he loves me too much, and scared of ruining things if we get together. However recently he has started talking to lots of girls on tinder and phoning them, being secretive and whatever and it’s honestly breaking me apart, every time I see that he has a message my heart breaks a little more and I can’t stop crying about it. So anyway; basically I’ve given him an ultimatum, I’ve told him I can’t be ‘just friends’ with him because I’m in love with him and that it breaks my heart every time that I see that someone’s messaged him and I can’t be friends with him if he’s gonna meet up with other people because it would honestly break me in two. Basically making him choose between me and them. I don’t want to restrict him in life and stop him from doing the things that he wants to do but I also know that being friends with him whilst he dates other girls will break me in two. Am I being manipulative for telling me best friend that I’m in love with that I can’t be friends with him unless he cuts them out? :((",5.470629496402879,5.2331648669064785,6.466825539568343,79.64541816546766,67.59712230215828,9.683812949640288,31.04406474820145,9.354420925462401,2.478876978417265,1075,38,225,19,16,360,127,278,0.048,0.7929999999999999,0.159,0.9866,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,6,0,3,2,7,18,1,1,10,0,25,8,2,3,0,49,43,19,0,6,6,0,0,1,6,4,1,1,1,3,20,28,0,3,3,0,0,0,6,3,0,3,6,3,38,15,33,26,5,29,0,1,2,5,53,14,0,4,11,156,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726305386796337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629909190652219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19955522717506569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290289676248113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986296163801205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18387625290669396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5058340583605806,0.0,0.057010584711317425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586149448699829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996938095055637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707453228498219,0.05331041584757033,0.10936669290434732,0.09635477067736724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276974035136876,0.2954546030056152,0.0,0.07283830484098862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021559858661469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394239139823303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564992052075516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21548524978790187,0.2343076275964669,0.0,0.0,0.10379790517425026,0.0,0.10924794242197823,0.0,0.1739086841636482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245684102381996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723554654576996,0.0,0.0,0.18245805520733752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770635103259876,0.09537550308067083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449886749759878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272572500930063,0.0,0.0,0.10426863225969336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21318835143870146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287233545887799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984636348505678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503113110935454,0.0,0.0,0.07026956489565905 bpd,thegallowdance,2020/04/14,"I need help how to deal with my mother with BPD My beautiful fellas, I hope you're all doing well. Please stay home :) *Firstly, I apologize in advance if I cause any kind of psychological disturbance or trigger something hurtful for your mental health. Please do not hesitate to criticize me in case I say something wrong. This text consists of some hardcore family drama, self-injury and severe agression.* **My mom has BPD that I believe.** She has never visited a mental health professional in her life because she gets triggered and becomes terribly paranoid everytime me and my dad open the subject. I have never told her about BPD as well, also didn't say anything to my father about the topic even though I feel like she has BPD. She meets all 9 criteria indicated in DSM: fear of abandonment, suicide attempts, no sense of self, extreme idealization and hatred towards those close to her, paranoid tendencies, alcohol overconsumption, sometimes overspending and regularly very serious verbal and sometimes physical fights with peers. I am also concerned that she may be suffering from NPD or at least narcissistic flare-ups to an extent. Yesterday night she almost lost her mind after a delicate issue for her opens up. She constantly thinks my father loves his mom more than herself, and she believes me and my father is going to abandon her, and move in with my grandmother instead. This is probabyly her biggest trigger in general. She attacked my father, competely lost her mind after consuming a huge amount of alcohol and decided to break up with dad. This happens regularly but this time things got physical and my father is slightly injured. As we couldn't make convince her to consult a psychiatrist never ever, we didn't have any choice except than desperately waiting for her to become better by time, and actually it was so. She suddenly decided to quit *escitalopram* and things are getting messier again. **My question is that, should I say my mom and father that she may have BPD? I am extremely concerned that she will overreact and hurt me, dad; or the worst, herself again. She never thinks something is wrong with her except than those times she self-cuts.** (She doesn't hurt herself anymore no matter what, which is a great improvement that I believe) ^(Btw, I didn't want to post this story to those evil subreddits that demonize people with BPD all the tine. Despite all the struggling as a son of a mom with BPD, I want you to know that I am more than respectful to you, as well as my mom who is in too much pain. I have grown up with a mom who is 55 now, spended her life trying to mentally and physically survive. This is what I have observed, and you all deserve love and respect because of that. Please be aware you're the strongest no matter what.) ",5.3132460660075225,7.772879502994013,5.676508378591657,75.11685419857963,70.3373253493014,8.652481084342941,32.409645824629806,9.289312734170188,3.3599406860697214,2225,104,358,50,43,710,253,501,0.152,0.722,0.125,-0.9357,0,0,5,0,1,1,72.0,2,4,0,10,17,34,3,3,15,0,35,10,0,6,10,82,55,33,1,8,8,17,1,1,0,4,8,3,1,1,27,32,2,3,7,1,1,5,13,20,3,1,8,4,71,14,63,40,13,43,1,8,0,2,71,17,0,10,19,269,98,2,0.0,0.0,0.05669873659325736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418578532535278,0.05818031474786368,0.0,0.0,0.09292758535166093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902209980206508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05762113037242767,0.0,0.0,0.04781262932940586,0.0,0.0,0.06609890681572388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708363375017793,0.1283372057500044,0.0,0.19638166895254106,0.0,0.051386103972738136,0.0,0.0,0.5122381235435747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596863019668488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278714018030132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05990015214683029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03837552921922916,0.05255618302569354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05477297530580515,0.06538040275714566,0.029377892049021487,0.04150776262080734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04942115314416999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060711329043390626,0.0,0.03302045275247949,0.0,0.0464691213454195,0.06405716968853165,0.0,0.0,0.051379013351170885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351847238340945,0.0,0.0,0.03894424770046715,0.0,0.05828059714411371,0.05770795410641617,0.0,0.0,0.18659674947484187,0.0,0.0,0.060642928336795174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06050382879861649,0.031931095233048136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082077693363669,0.028385485031863982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268494218293233,0.0,0.1048778439494319,0.0,0.03878323924018797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17565810593126585,0.0,0.11733201565497076,0.4082870351658228,0.0,0.061752758142202165,0.04271132829863557,0.04308156695447103,0.17924600476933408,0.0,0.0,0.054524373617286674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061824151162304934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040280302685004536,0.0,0.0,0.19133418001263613,0.0,0.0,0.055645229097067005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508703895301693,0.061798155782285875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386140660842718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18183778055371547,0.06563821938895928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341882472589964,0.11492784742689136,0.0,0.0,0.06192852715051132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060740360661040736,0.0,0.06355367108910151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720018307657348,0.07445826102655301,0.05708448295423067,0.0,0.1016384521752657,0.0,0.0,0.055518525849866315,0.0,0.03944714207239602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047939867900183834,0.06853960519420071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672082743518256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704985928116588,0.0,0.0 bpd,spice-and-stars,2020/04/14,"Need help responding in a healthy way! My FP and I had a huge fight for the past two days. To me, it feels like I need his attention and he keeps rejecting me by hanging up on me, not wanting to hang out, and telling me he’s not going to sleep over during the week anymore. I told him it was a lot to take all at once and I felt so abandoned. I put all his stuff at my door and told him to take it. I texted him after that I was in so much pain and he just said I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say to you. Then today, he texts me “have a good day.” Reading those words I feel FURIOUS. Wtf? Does that mean he won’t talk to me for the rest of the day? Is this the preamble to getting dumped? No apology for leaving me? No asking if I’m okay? No reassurance that he loves me? I’m so hurt and mad I could burn down a hypothetical barn. (Not actually, don’t worry y’all - but you know what I MEAN). I have not yet responded on the off chance that he is actually trying to be nice and I’m just scanning it negatively and projecting onto him the anger I already feel. What do I say??? I don’t want to end the relationship but I am feeling like a wounded animal about to bite someone and I don’t feel like my needs for attention and connection are being met.",-0.13774473358116168,1.883354215613384,2.4705687732342017,93.32045043370508,86.76951672862451,6.11454770755886,20.119083023543986,7.42949916751922,0.497646741016109,960,30,230,17,30,332,144,269,0.128,0.7559999999999999,0.11699999999999999,-0.6131,0,0,0,0,1,0,30.0,0,3,0,0,7,17,5,0,14,1,18,4,1,0,2,45,48,18,0,7,9,0,6,3,0,1,2,3,1,0,14,12,0,2,12,1,0,4,13,9,0,1,8,10,37,8,32,36,5,28,0,3,1,1,33,13,0,2,13,150,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.22993300162062885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000732197641682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683681382841833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013734264702768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406246379226472,0.0,0.0,0.22793496542835825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309716347265116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434554085845807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978438015549017,0.2524925163260273,0.11311699513882867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155136321408147,0.0,0.06695468252420167,0.09881424227133097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896620196199015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611906742352685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471579277309932,0.0,0.0,0.1294916432554518,0.0,0.0,0.12474479422004313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17266945000878772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015866373862313,0.10632898946138307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25666134198542395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660460981133458,0.2620659982802763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125464825595261,0.0,0.0,0.12535916586090887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246389023091087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843255263941276,0.0,0.0,0.11784283956163046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648487963285973,0.0,0.0,0.11206519972724954,0.18737600516120992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789603990828,0.0,0.09982084260844316,0.0,0.0,0.13187972242803456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486536116363912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771583576884416,0.09469198563609098,0.10297197023272664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116710131407654,0.2251468385581332,0.0,0.07998590733272214,0.0,0.11508418760183188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897591109701676,0.09351285500471393,0.09450084445523084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964274677595828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,orich4lcumplus,2020/04/14,"DAE have issues with memory? any tips? Long story short, my mother (ab\*ser, NPD) had to stay with me for a couple months last year and it completely took a nosedive on my life. I was getting better, my relationships were getting better, I was doing great at work. I had things sorted... then she had to come back. Now my disassociation, negative thoughts, and memory issues are coming back, bad enough that my work has took notice of my memory loss and have had to take me aside to ask what's wrong, because my work life now is a complete 180 from the happy, energetic, focused person I was. She's been out of my house since September, and I'm still getting random angry outbursts and disassociative episodes. Anyone that has memory issues or can sympathize, is there anything you do that helps? I'm currently in talk therapy, doing CBT and DBT on my own (with guidance from my therapist), and am on medicine (my memory hasn't changed or gotten worse since starting my medicine). Any apps, exercises, tips, ANYTHING?",6.696819819819819,7.769969740540542,6.942500000000003,72.74708333333334,65.1081081081081,9.842342342342343,31.632882882882882,9.928628108626363,3.1801261261261264,802,30,136,17,12,259,115,185,0.094,0.7929999999999999,0.11199999999999999,0.5661,1,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,0,6,6,7,0,0,4,0,22,3,0,0,0,18,36,10,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,13,0,0,1,1,0,4,2,3,0,0,13,0,21,4,18,23,2,24,0,1,0,0,9,7,0,4,12,90,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343756898384088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402469535816579,0.0,0.19777707562560548,0.0,0.1123414410628712,0.0,0.0,0.18480450725430408,0.10033578087398863,0.07325367730045525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21255876353302708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712246948983386,0.20702925675366815,0.2519890301141813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296429585911868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416631079995545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18834943743871213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248633124281262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279217338575065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805464950439415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865845695376097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762744653047577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795346655043598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975730466236774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634544999161924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959174485136912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368127739155667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492660660475507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290161293990758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19880945369707348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505596996200951,0.1280837633216734,0.09596681766662403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035184943055384,0.09658698737226387,0.0,0.0,0.1374232933583408,0.13952503345973302,0.0798346935777888,0.0,0.0,0.0954004638065878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670235237680977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26245256653888305,0.0,0.1224620932709206,0.0,0.13138552501556142,0.0,0.07738465341818695 bpd,bigeve,2020/04/14,"Struggle with believing recovery is possible for them personally? I'm not sure if its maybe a result of my co-occuring mental illnesses but I have a lot of doubt about my ability to recover from BPD. It feels like a mountain of work and I don't really think I am capable. I think maybe if I had access to effective treatment (my mental health team have tried me on CBT, various meds and coping skills classes that are now cancelled due to COVID-19) or could be admitted to a long term/residential treatment program, my chances would be better. Or if I had any kind of family or friends support. But I don't, and unless health service funding changes drastically or my family changes their outlook and priorities, I won't. I can't see a way into a future where I am better off than I am now. I don't want to be stuck repeating the same behaviours all my life, and I probably would choose not to go on at a certain point. I understand that lots of people improve massively over the course of their lives, but I don't really think its possible for me. I just wondered if anyone else feels this way, or used to feel this way then made progress?",7.063108108108112,6.6225180585585575,7.677252252252253,72.97101351351353,64.36036036036036,11.904504504504509,36.96846846846847,11.374738998889045,4.273830630630632,907,41,171,25,12,302,132,222,0.065,0.743,0.192,0.9862,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,3,7,5,10,0,2,9,0,21,4,0,4,3,48,38,19,0,8,16,0,3,1,1,3,4,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,11,1,1,1,8,2,0,0,4,4,27,8,26,27,5,19,0,0,1,0,7,8,0,13,8,119,34,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027424260330762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253939191321794,0.12095044169238185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299562000862578,0.0,0.20880136503983784,0.0,0.0,0.14867279443886622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497506545063071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424885119610436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861095237586888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22256351672843186,0.0,0.17906039242874972,0.0843309457705936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120081367248126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708735510099227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25095136279425073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292508155502607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337825349995161,0.057670533118403915,0.0,0.10423537136446064,0.10446558285787033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20071426186645205,0.0,0.11169646921485284,0.0,0.0,0.2371829400346581,0.0,0.13112072158610544,0.0,0.23792198968952985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183712652460337,0.10307182034706727,0.0,0.0,0.1115901170591003,0.26615465791936743,0.0,0.0,0.1272718328282542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124453574434088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406610669024464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234056411998651,0.0,0.0,0.13395539071668006,0.11125545372780657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269142628873697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014440164607999,0.0,0.0,0.12288838757483987,0.0,0.10195246414708344,0.0,0.0,0.06962564787667676,0.2810944600300895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801412065016293,0.08593773198003639,0.0,0.0,0.16771071541797272,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,willowchiddle,2020/04/14,"weird one but does anyone else with bpd get really mad when you set a time to meet someone or have someone come over and they come late/ keep changing times? It might be my anxiety tbh but I get SO angry when I set a time for someone to come over, and when asking them how long they’ll be they tell me something like “I’m not ready yet” when they have 20 mins until they were supposed to be there. It may seem controlling or as if I’m a teacher I’m school or some shit but I genuinely cannot help myself getting mad. Stresses me out beyond belief",1.1684210526315797,3.3662861052631605,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,82.6842105263158,5.203508771929825,20.026315789473685,6.42735559955562,0.06129473684210529,432,12,94,4,12,138,76,114,0.257,0.718,0.025,-0.9849,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,6,1,9,6,3,1,3,0,10,1,1,2,0,23,22,17,0,1,8,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,2,2,0,0,3,2,5,0,1,1,0,14,1,11,15,1,21,1,0,0,0,11,4,1,8,13,59,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379754430712148,0.0,0.0,0.11315350474585432,0.16581133033354006,0.0,0.0,0.15128680598338326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20381598847741988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17119196794951208,0.4182000164371367,0.0,0.0,0.1815032280463729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416162783018177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518605612442386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536444657401438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846951804307646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143839659137514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825483946102507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906071018514793,0.0,0.0,0.1432121869532879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716733344270997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965845761638174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367079824821912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637780030776096,0.0,0.14732161838380198,0.0,0.0,0.16611353579802265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4113475798267482,0.1245826651060966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853727792459809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144431042113625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830886349863449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jane8jane8,2020/04/14,"I AM DONE AND I WANT OUT(warning! Self harm talk) I AM SORRY IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY NEGATIVITY PLEASE DON’T READ I JUST NEED TO GET THIS OFF OF MY CHEST. I absolutely fucking hate myself at this point! I’m done and i want this life and this illness to just be over! I was a fool to think i would ever get better. At this point i just want to off myself. My boyfriend of two and a half years has wanted to break up with me since 6 months into the relationship and i can’t let him go! I have been self harming for two years now! And i attempted suicide about a month ago. I am on meds but nothing helps anymore. I cant go to therapy because of this lockdown! He tells me that he loves me but doesn’t want me AND HES THE ONLY ONE THAT KNOWS ABOUT MY ILLNESS AND GETS IT I HAVE NO ONE ELSE! I HAVE DEFINED MYSELF BY HIS LOVE FOR SO LONG I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE! I hit myself so hard today i know i’m going to have bruises and a massive headache. At this point i want to die. Nobody understands me! I am all alone and have always been. I FEEL SO UNLOVED AND WORTHLESS! :) i hate myself. PS: i am not going to attempt suicide. I am not that dissociated at the moment. But i really feel down and have suicidal thoughts.",-0.4695225694444432,1.7663716484374987,1.7489583333333345,95.18909722222223,94.234375,4.406944444444443,18.82986111111111,6.139981653823899,-0.11820972222222224,946,30,212,10,36,316,134,256,0.248,0.66,0.092,-0.9943,0,2,0,0,0,3,27.0,0,1,0,3,11,11,3,0,7,0,29,7,1,1,2,42,59,19,4,9,9,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,12,14,0,0,8,1,0,4,9,8,0,5,6,3,44,3,30,49,1,29,0,1,0,3,15,14,1,1,10,156,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886567875536178,0.0,0.0,0.10358482162197234,0.0,0.0,0.08322004580036124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19837494662922855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06096788877839161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845466556443783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379922308605426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046990413158201,0.11721620660208015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354925085603704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066058610023171,0.0904688083639782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011406359027722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924617600905206,0.15676028803491432,0.0,0.22736209824792103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959331464360447,0.1974871537152441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703758681201084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489600095644213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102271565333167,0.07064317349915794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850965311384791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18053391665162996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109352253759316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966118148319866,0.0,0.0,0.07415945756407986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596657533705504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554477801238146,0.07606550647762482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978584737644614,0.2836379872193632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000415290466829,0.0,0.0640718264708751,0.0,0.0,0.10737810465895273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20867379599215888,0.0,0.0,0.08273299790385161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195800382129008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32819877089112603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038783745147908,0.08741704960057363,0.0,0.1143752556020766,0.0,0.0,0.06408522993986394,0.0,0.079400312463643,0.0,0.0,0.09480201721506973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19539919675410228,0.10411858392411896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539467318978713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104740546614248,0.0,0.0,0.12881207105558054 bpd,Dezzydoll,2020/04/14,"I'm struggling with devaluing someone I am close to. So I'm polyamorous, kinky, married, and have a boyfriend. Since all this shit started him and I have decided it's in our best interest to not see each other. Recently I told him I loved him (and it was returned in the same manner) and I struggled with telling him that for a long time. Part of my own recovery was respecting the intensity of emotions. So as a means to cope with this, we've started random small group chats with various friends, one of which is a kink conversation that everybody has brought friends into. Prior to all of the covid stuff happening, another friend made a group with me and one other girl as a sort of emotional support group for the drama of our lives. To vent, give advice, give validation. Over the last several months, I grew quite close to the other girl, not having known her at all until that group conversation started. I've heard the drama in her life and the struggles she has. Well, turns out she's also into kink and was invited to the group. Her and my boyfriend have a lot in common and started talking a lot more. I am in no way trying to control who he sees or his relationships. Him and I have been seeing each other for a while though and when you stay at home all day there isn't exactly anything new to talk about. On the other hand, some brand new potential partner who you don't know is going to have a shit ton to talk to you about. That's the fun of NRE. I started emotionally pulling away from him and freaking out. He went above and beyond to reassure me and while I feel stable with him, I've completely lost interest in her as a friend. She didn't do anything wrong though. I'm still having a hard time being the old ratty toy left in the corner while the shiny new one gets all the attention and it hurts. I'm just having a lot of difficulty reconciling it when I can't see him, there's nothing new to talk about day to day, I just recently expressed my feelings for him, and feel they have more in common than him and I do. I hate black and white thinking. I hate how hard that switch was flipped and how difficult it is to work through it without damaging that friendship in the process.",5.842974122651544,6.054474488479265,6.009861751152072,81.70567174760723,66.78801843317972,9.441900035448423,31.899680964197092,9.265573868473778,2.5812764267990067,1744,66,351,30,26,555,206,434,0.098,0.787,0.115,0.813,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,2,3,1,5,19,26,4,3,29,0,28,5,3,4,6,66,63,36,0,0,6,0,6,0,5,0,1,1,1,3,23,33,0,1,10,4,0,5,8,13,1,3,12,14,44,13,64,50,19,62,0,3,7,1,56,24,2,7,31,251,67,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655136421752139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264717904084006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214462824874713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893163375234834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360149245890192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221130309076807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213630734887059,0.0,0.08786316123064357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515653347350687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643604208256847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883072541309453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420961710173348,0.0,0.04092857342624007,0.15029863638735008,0.04452151011491248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927437608912293,0.0,0.14035161339105026,0.1546858756046674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857978855423052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386286252571296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043052728260718286,0.06385624033576645,0.0,0.0,0.08511488568488923,0.0,0.055332718825681165,0.0,0.0,0.06917423012948462,0.06932700651062201,0.0,0.0,0.08551560239616864,0.19980148329984468,0.07070345196696658,0.07412567504655626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533346811987826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252895237280919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30263880571225343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516779423636895,0.0,0.08220295825016127,0.0,0.1592523534521961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483283809861088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332251645269706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469941087036468,0.08410610932136592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497022047851292,0.0,0.0,0.08850007812903049,0.16082645510508442,0.06480232248731095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637586030319065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772415643446994,0.08349829630140639,0.06256113631285615,0.0,0.0,0.24568887063647815,0.08967870976055946,0.0,0.08889747216538448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518617092852022,0.06847120233318542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05019607463110197,0.1539341331448274,0.0,0.09135948580122266,0.0,0.0,0.07485568501189764,0.0,0.05318662187782066,0.08520966861512841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062181364514152127,0.0,0.0,0.07043561714286307,0.07262046872969949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551540866392159,0.0,0.057031278067858085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565072740651468,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lolamontez__,2020/04/14,Going through divorce My husband dropped a big truth bomb on me two days ago. He's been cheating for all of the 5 years together. He's lied about everything he's ever told me even wanting to have our daughter with me he doesn't want her. He never loved me. He was using me and playing me just to get what he wants all the time now he's bored so he's telling the truth and leaving me with a baby. After all the years of suspicion and suicide attempts and self harm. This is a lot to take in,0.7786188811188808,2.8930652884615427,2.279965034965034,95.55594405594408,83.61538461538461,4.935664335664336,23.87762237762238,6.1124844417494595,0.43060769230769225,386,15,86,3,11,125,70,104,0.23,0.7140000000000001,0.055999999999999994,-0.9641,0,0,0,0,1,1,6.0,1,0,0,1,6,7,1,0,7,0,5,1,0,1,7,19,14,5,1,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,3,0,10,4,13,11,4,14,0,0,0,1,18,3,0,1,9,52,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20625830116039726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006045691461425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368407830202774,0.2104739325217996,0.0,0.0,0.2091193220629615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156659251814785,0.0,0.13223838080225436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463763396265258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19781767333935865,0.21000433231284174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945848300179684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427377747699456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25451603046935084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749476921038202,0.0,0.2033740747956159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567857920921714,0.0,0.0,0.22233735006444272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272962256061505,0.0,0.0,0.2009622939720096,0.0,0.0,0.411725112295423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29967879141581005 bpd,scrabblecoffeebooks,2020/04/14,"Struggling after friend (of years) ghosted me. Does anyone have any advice? Any advice would be welcome. I apologise a lot to my friends. If I don’t hear from them for a few days or weeks, I immediately think I must have done something wrong and then panic. I get so overwhelmed and have to lie down to recover from my emotions. I apologise and say I understand if they don’t want to talk anymore etc. I know there is a pandemic going on, but I last spoke to my friend six weeks ago - we were talking about something I struggle with, (which they know all about - my anxiety) and then after I explained I heard back nothing and I haven’t heard from them since. I feel so awful and I’m really worried about them. I have said worse things in the past about my anxiety so it’s unlike them to just disappear. I apologised as I was just frustrated and I know it isn’t their responsibility to listen to all of that and thanked them for being there and listening. They are very stoic and logical so always have good advice. I hear nothing back so a few weeks later just sent them a message just apologising again and explaining I will give them space and I understand if they don’t want to talk anymore. I wished them and their family well and just said take care. It’s really unlike them to be unresponsive- and they have been online so I worry I’ve pushed them away. In my initial message I just explained how frustrating the issue is, and what I’m struggling with at the moment. And what therapy skills I’m working on (as after I explained my worry they then asked if I can use some therapy skills I’ve learnt to help). And I haven’t heard from them since my reply. The reason I worry so much about people not replying is because my ex broke up with me this way - just never spoke to me again. I still don’t know why. It was my first serious relationship. And some other things in childhood which makes me sensitive to rejection. I won’t message anymore as I know it’s a scary time for everyone at the moment. It’s just very unlike them to take so long and I feel terrible incase I’ve added to their stress or something. They normally reply within a week to two weeks. I’m worried as I don’t want them to think I’ve made it all about me, but I know apologising might make it seem that way. I’m just terrified I’ve upset them. However they always said they would say if something was up - I just panicked as they normally reply and I guess when patterns change I worry. I don’t know what to do as I am scared I’ve pushed them away. I probably shouldn’t have mentioned about what was worrying me, but they know all about it and we normally talk about things like this with each other, and normally they ask me a lot about how I’m getting on with therapy- and I’ve definitely said worse (well, more crazy) things in the past. This was at the start of the pandemic so I know everyone is dealing with it in different ways. I’m just really worried and feel terrible. Does anyone have any advice? I just feel awful. Thank you. 😊🙏🏻",2.66635429046827,4.824747098169716,3.929645531257432,86.00410461730452,77.18635607321131,7.420976943189922,24.04329094366532,8.362691859325677,1.5583327549322568,2390,80,478,47,56,781,222,601,0.19,0.7340000000000001,0.076,-0.998,2,0,4,0,0,0,57.0,2,1,30,4,45,27,2,8,16,2,43,0,0,7,6,110,107,56,1,17,23,1,4,1,3,7,0,15,0,0,27,34,0,0,24,0,0,5,13,16,2,3,19,19,92,11,70,78,14,58,0,3,0,0,72,18,0,14,33,338,119,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21138349613307691,0.0479382251423236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999697376852231,0.0,0.0,0.11032776954584506,0.0,0.08274135856770712,0.0,0.1608970353514742,0.07562730554769903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111408857497163,0.0,0.1016189649629652,0.08316761445630731,0.0,0.032966369066137174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055137667528837135,0.0,0.057208953874245724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0348768118813244,0.055753603092214506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565015806575442,0.0,0.0,0.0946506922053772,0.055342117618918565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060832173017144775,0.0,0.0,0.0603129520660013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335058404896197,0.0,0.0,0.05098135173169377,0.0,0.10937690635390092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04600000597670284,0.0,0.0,0.12534509236012986,0.0,0.05650862679595299,0.051877996473902746,0.030734633397494358,0.045359329566871984,0.0,0.0,0.05957468034752843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190308265096522,0.0,0.0362483574948921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056444961083762464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674861734913886,0.04408202084332941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026420518301309284,0.0,0.0,0.047858667061160175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195293579285617,0.0,0.051171342616579615,0.0721969894810112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736981698565665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03975466438993689,0.0,0.04170945418167635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21194576157658454,0.10378150216334504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345065621029539,0.0,0.0,0.1032500284189588,0.03749192494251191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05830686152278676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039341620893874,0.05560274610733984,0.0,0.05806115807414915,0.0,0.0,0.20576800309606527,0.0860123983716173,0.0541430265783944,0.0,0.0,0.04923195738531247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947026369110488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16653220421386236,0.0,0.0,0.03827775751850832,0.0,0.043187968794038405,0.0,0.06194789921774645,0.16960694615628752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132212672188084,0.1738682556312074,0.0,0.09957829918277583,0.1855339079519608,0.0,0.14371210127636833,0.06930393635787474,0.0,0.0,0.03153419882026489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052827825962915236,0.11259736012058225,0.0,0.0467073356046712,0.0,0.08924252347968306,0.09569249343626487,0.12877740024309958,0.21689661578451255,0.0,0.09724795342407136,0.0,0.048798348788371436,0.0,0.06218877083568925,0.0,0.0,0.03937052941560188,0.4393629627919348,0.11022328740773793,0.07683306857817468,0.0591274577226484,0.0,0.03482543318850166 bpd,voteYESonpropxw2,2020/04/14,"I hate someone's guts and I don't understand why. I just want to stop feeling this anger. Help! I understand why I would be angry about something like this but I don't understand why I can't let it go. It happened a year ago and I don't want to care anymore. How do I get rid of this anger? Back story: She treated me so badly and I was too fucking stupid and self-hating to LEAVE. From the very beginning of our friendship, she was holding grudges against me and I didn't even KNOW until the end when she told me. Some were assumptions she made and never asked me about, she just TREATED ME LIKE THEY WERE TRUE!!! Others were boundaries she had that she didn't communicate to me and punished me for not knowing. The worst fucking part is that I was ACTIVELY trying to help her understand my perspective, like how she can't just get naked and lay on my bed if she wants sex because that makes me freeze up, or when she jokingly accuses me of lying I don't know whether to play it off as a joke or take it seriously, or how I genuinely want to know how she feels about shit so if she thinks I don't think that's HER FUCKING WORDS and not mine. At the end she spilled all these beans about shit she'd been holding onto for months. So all those times she was treating me like shit that I brushed off because ""no I am just being insecure"" or ""why would she spend time with me if she doesn't like me?"" were actually my gut trying to tell me that SHE WAS INTENTIONALLY TRYING TO HURT ME. I spent so much time trying to have a conversation with her, like an idiot, because I thought she was hurting me by accident. She shut down every attempt. And then in the end when I finally fucking said it all straight up, her response was to turn it around on me. I hate her so much. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. I don't know how to stop fucking hating her.",3.3079362985299667,4.4467440369393145,4.166501130795325,89.29941622691292,73.01055408970977,7.419562759140597,26.99217866566152,7.83500028581142,1.3598336977007168,1446,51,318,19,28,465,171,379,0.245,0.631,0.124,-0.9967,0,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,1,0,1,1,25,39,19,1,9,0,34,11,5,8,5,67,77,35,0,9,15,0,3,6,0,2,0,1,1,0,18,13,0,4,14,3,2,1,15,25,0,0,20,5,76,14,39,51,8,34,0,2,0,6,38,13,8,8,26,227,94,0,0.0,0.0,0.07263391348171175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597858539686463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381554598320726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625936507269503,0.06958293207626393,0.0,0.0,0.05723284014341185,0.06214677112310148,0.13611732955467912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588735909255609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19777130555848915,0.0,0.0,0.04916096965476065,0.0,0.06271132274631619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526909407774883,0.0,0.0,0.08153551592330444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440512735918482,0.07777424482544416,0.0,0.042300849233310164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658190823068261,0.0,0.0,0.4409111833080374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977905286949444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935983729293027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20452663920639524,0.0,0.0,0.07881167580825989,0.0,0.07611073436339534,0.0,0.21817934449558968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042840632244088,0.049683266555313986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05941010941030684,0.0,0.10943068966728997,0.0,0.05740577120684276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060151340736263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080091995432394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764775968579936,0.0,0.2292070376510838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306513979803365,0.05730061565917127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445528780248462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05596284454258158,0.0,0.06505596955817107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538475130757157,0.0,0.059089895325295134,0.1302039337255932,0.0,0.0,0.071122004571984,0.0,0.20213503697208904,0.08095954822748835,0.0,0.30994115940343586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061413365210693814,0.17560531513988895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686495808470804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574728541655268,0.0,0.0,0.04793111991085676 bpd,GraveyardQueenxx,2020/04/14,"Current boyfriends Exs DAE obsess over your current lovers past lovers? I’ve done this for all the people I’ve dated. I look up the ex and just can FB or insta stalk sometimes everyday or go weeks without. I’m not jealous, some days I can be. But idk why I do it!!??",0.7944242424242418,2.9942073818181854,2.3595454545454544,94.47265151515153,84.27272727272728,5.121212121212121,21.89393939393939,6.42735559955562,0.3365757575757571,206,7,45,2,6,67,44,55,0.096,0.7659999999999999,0.138,0.6629,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,1,2,0,5,2,0,0,1,9,8,4,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,4,2,4,6,2,10,0,0,1,2,5,2,0,3,7,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395444571607115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801063459658366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21109472672812102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31191134416048993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545761592774963,0.2575058419566505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3673581148006685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979422675724424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351617691039256,0.0,0.0,0.3580495026904647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Powerful_Balance,2020/04/14,"How could I ever let you go? Dear FP, It's now been more than 3 years since we talked to each other. For me, it doesn't really feel like any time passed at all since then. I broke your heart. I was so scared that you would leave me. So I made sure you couldn't: I decided it had to end, but I couldn't just say ""bye"" and move on. I had to lash out with hurtful comments because I was too scared of being in a world without you. ""I hate you!"". ""I never had any feelings for you!"". Why the hell did I say this? How could I let this happen? I couldn't control it anymore. It felt like I had to say it to save myself. Is it true? Did I ever like you or was this just a ploy so I could feel validated? Was any of it real? What could I have done differently? I thought I tried my best. I went to therapy to work on my issues. I tried my best to communicate with you when I felt insecure or rejected. I started to go to the gym to build some self confidence and tried to change my diet. I stopped taking drugs. I tried to reconnect with my family, I started talking to my father about my mental health issues and I even managed to contact my mother after years of not-talking to each other. Tried out new hobbies and met new people. But it wasn't enough. My thoughts felt like a mess and I didn't know what was real anymore. I doubted myself and our relationship. And when everything built up to the point I couldn't regulate my fears, I tore everything apart. ""I hate you!"" No, I don't. I just can't stand myself. I couldn't believe that someone like you could ever ""love"" me. And after what I did to you, I don't think I can forgive myself for treating you like shit, and I don't think I should be forgiven. I'm a horrible person. I wish I could go back and fix this. I wish I could explain my previous behavior and say that I'm sorry. But I know how I would act when I saw you. I would panic and fall into the same patterns. I don't even think I could handle looking you in the eye, I would collapse and cry. I'm still too weak to accept what I did to you. I am a coward. I could go on and on about how much I hate myself, but that doesn't change anything. You're gone, and I can't fix this anymore. I need to accept it, but I can't. I don't want to. How could I ever forget the person who made me feel worthy of love? I'm sorry if my text is a mess, I'm not a native English speaker, but I felt like I needed to write this or I would break down. I don't know why. Maybe I just want to be heard or noticed or something. I don't know what to do anymore. It doesn't feel like I want to keep going, but rather that I have to keep going. And this just sucks.",0.4457701481295509,2.2542575096660857,2.557564335927694,94.82345672231988,82.86643233743409,5.399962339944767,19.123807431584233,6.4566740036849675,-0.1087647752950036,2029,51,477,19,56,684,217,569,0.183,0.69,0.127,-0.9853,1,1,2,0,0,0,81.0,2,16,0,4,30,38,6,6,13,0,63,9,3,8,8,124,120,41,0,30,21,2,9,8,0,6,3,6,0,3,31,25,1,4,23,1,0,12,24,18,0,0,30,18,107,20,55,64,10,52,1,3,3,2,41,15,3,8,32,340,138,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410963072625775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218831078157185,0.0,0.0,0.04602831773639578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043009234271021324,0.0,0.0340964039788667,0.0,0.0,0.06301764466089843,0.11739703810636265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833997238769592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273392161021261,0.4465816704331155,0.0,0.06144007380765393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05843836534375986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057239157748764126,0.0,0.0,0.06486483887356335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04954027787506155,0.05779402276606925,0.0,0.07388679840364551,0.20237939015255185,0.0,0.0,0.10053843808860707,0.0,0.052728911714395504,0.06294048233797106,0.14140771681283096,0.07991748260798495,0.21481885379926405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19072900767948506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04946160846368164,0.0,0.0,0.1656675811307915,0.0,0.05945445348768109,0.0,0.06628119764202094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05987772543131816,0.0,0.0,0.11675960988134902,0.0,0.0994321257853004,0.0,0.0,0.12295785591978994,0.0,0.0,0.05922525982697398,0.0,0.11439112217993105,0.0,0.21860937454779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04696986204391335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096392506579123,0.10585083037173787,0.0,0.0,0.05619249052623635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056367583392206086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944821719143474,0.04111739131367992,0.08294762618890852,0.0431391882030855,0.10804140693232492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368040186926599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562564419909649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038777088742185335,0.09767755282109554,0.0,0.0,0.05287502207999298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273286197228246,0.035832286844563986,0.0,0.0,0.0600514026038293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792153428764118,0.1119979275334714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583506021818652,0.0,0.05741470080348055,0.092537162609188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047392080580166085,0.043060166096662536,0.0,0.1252254392745569,0.07917971682825005,0.0,0.0446683839543864,0.046762720633396725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05271644772325,0.0,0.04205486020566991,0.1348711380196857,0.0,0.0,0.06396457214337249,0.0,0.0,0.10751934827777428,0.0,0.08880954168018139,0.032615141205529184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18987510356226125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897268053397584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05185070430856492,0.1009421577761226,0.0,0.12864100678536045,0.053917679049241836,0.0,0.04072008880089599,0.0,0.0,0.19866696116288274,0.0,0.0,0.07203838774916198 bpd,notoriouscarrot,2020/04/14,"self-splitting & social media Right when you think you've got yourself figured out, you shift into another persona like the human chameleon you are. This usually happens to me in a cycle where I have a period of extreme self love, then a couple days afterwards I come crashing down thinking I'm the scum of the earth. It definitely makes it hard to appear normal because I feel like people notice my erratic behavior on social media. Sometimes I overshare with my glowing confidence, and then dead silence. Anyone else do this?",7.756035087719297,8.882694936842109,7.7260526315789475,67.87153508771932,62.78947368421053,9.701754385964913,37.93859649122807,9.725611199111238,4.169175438596492,429,21,61,8,6,138,74,95,0.057999999999999996,0.789,0.154,0.8591,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,6,0,3,1,0,1,0,12,13,4,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,10,3,10,12,0,16,0,0,1,1,8,7,0,1,9,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20375230509828185,0.0,0.0,0.19718702332272134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131489067039532,0.19267964504598895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146336519804559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198858980916278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080739613224285,0.0,0.12127681721243445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709180583030552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950838276465759,0.13434309515625328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040091772148972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629216425678073,0.0,0.168456035733199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837436506288825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972264077681531,0.0,0.12552496378353256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18424926189596413,0.0,0.21409639064522976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037032581037236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059383697798624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923547261765106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.383386979240552,0.0,0.0,0.18598644889660298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409899405477711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20711071960024052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bluemues,2020/04/14,"Help i'm losing it Dear fellow BPD's, this is my first post. I don't know where to turn to. (Sorry in advance about the long post) I'm 29 years old, have BPD, PTSD and Bipolar Disorder type 2, been in and out of therapy since 15 years old. Been on antidepressants since 19 years old and occasionally diazepam for the hard moments/sleeplesness/panic attacks. My last therapy was 2 years ago, finished it quite well. Graduated as an dietitian in 2018, have a job in a hospital as a dietitian. (Which is all going downhill right now...) I've been in a relationship for 7 years after the guy broke up with me the 20th of december 2019. Now i'm in a new relationship for 2 months with a really nice guy, which i thought could be long term. But... as many of you also experience, i have a really hard time during this Corona Isolation to keep myself grounded en stable. Since last thursday i also had a problem at work with my supervisor and was kinda depressed. My new boyfriend does know about my borderline, but doesn't seem to understand that i sometimes have hard times. Right now: very tired, a lot of nightmares, cravings for food or not hungry at all, emptiness, loneliness, a lot of thoughts raging my mind which is driving my crazy or i hear constant music. And even very depressed, as in planning (in my head) to set my dogs up for adoption so i could go and end my life... I'm even drinking strong alcohol which i normally don't do because i want my brain to stop and to shut up, and to stop feeling the pain. Because he wanted to know what was wrong, i told him i was depressed, but he doesn't take it very well. He only wants to talk about it over Whatsapp or when i drive over to him and his mother. So i tried to open up over Whatsapp because i couldn't drive anymore (because of the alcohol), but he just totally turned it all to him. That he doesn't want to be involved in this kind of relationship, that he thinks i faked my happy moments and that he tried his best to help me and it doesn't help (well, he called me ugly when i cried :/ and laughed at me when he found out i drank alcohol). That he feels like a piece of meat that i enjoyed for a moment?? Even with that statements i don't want to lose him. It's so strange, the fear of abandonment by loved ones.... I'm even really considering suicide because i don't have anyone else... i live on the 6th floor and the windows are very tempting, i'm losing it... I don't know what to do anymore...",5.165092024539875,5.410435805725972,5.728145194274028,83.0266963190184,68.2433537832311,8.892188139059305,30.81942740286298,8.745826893841286,2.226290470347648,1915,71,397,29,30,620,221,489,0.18,0.715,0.105,-0.9887,1,1,4,0,0,2,80.0,0,1,0,10,23,28,2,1,22,0,33,13,2,0,4,64,66,32,1,10,9,1,5,1,1,0,7,1,1,2,24,20,6,4,13,1,0,6,11,15,3,2,13,6,46,13,68,48,9,74,0,8,0,1,33,30,0,7,36,244,70,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05771612498680277,0.20874850559894467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041369564171172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914333498694058,0.04552645625121854,0.0667129338445244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407207399438903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19845239073133708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832897361089961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400764083369818,0.07268434165375426,0.06648463408282783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036082618275633,0.0,0.1039701432551968,0.0,0.07152032537739772,0.0,0.0,0.16823755500260534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462175064212016,0.0,0.05697823777574425,0.0,0.0,0.06378305491045018,0.0,0.0,0.05439108654872525,0.0,0.05766817279554948,0.0,0.0,0.1720182784762414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636901161138027,0.0,0.07326690053001313,0.06584318859375257,0.04651462803706438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05538256968135155,0.0787313229644499,0.07138980194865338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400707628732063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893835916725913,0.0,0.06931085194916821,0.17497742999626245,0.0,0.06682168880870226,0.0,0.07338375100111841,0.0,0.1309256689539651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461167146124726,0.057872798227702624,0.0,0.0678020908304773,0.14313110838084725,0.10614675103681256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045989149208411774,0.03180947838530186,0.0,0.057493361221306626,0.11524067908659395,0.0,0.218524452287222,0.0,0.11070846113654627,0.05876435626274455,0.0,0.0,0.06601136461412696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574258307883503,0.0,0.05197021548097396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576737134500482,0.0,0.0,0.06379401839168887,0.0,0.0,0.20496611367946668,0.0,0.04412025049035181,0.049519122000579424,0.06928167681050311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471484705802048,0.0,0.0,0.06230151826050726,0.07611015650103728,0.0,0.0,0.06925254574306122,0.0,0.0,0.1251334831804944,0.0,0.0,0.20971145967568525,0.0,0.11120724267053304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059273738177823464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615791022654781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643954978132517,0.07288536298379375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886982348697126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712198197263852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04895464961560304,0.05233298658562799,0.0,0.0,0.14891801812093944,0.0,0.0,0.04171988680257848,0.0,0.10338020324436643,0.07593237985201214,0.07483441685019067,0.0,0.06221543672840937,0.0,0.08841089110897707,0.1416420608676722,0.0,0.06778185144120015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148904188254396,0.19201795279477066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17562524534035415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04740088707500557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118761134649007,0.0,0.2096436662662899 bpd,_jess_we_can_,2020/04/14,"When you have a logically good bf/fp My bf is quickly becoming my fp. And for once I am not looking through rose colored glasses. He is objectively a good person. I just don't know how to not fuck this up. He has had a difficult life, and he seems so understanding of my struggles and trauma. I just don't know how to have a relationship with a well-adjusted kind person. This might be my only chance",1.9491666666666667,4.143082728395065,4.092083333333335,83.75812500000002,79.74074074074075,7.50679012345679,26.174382716049386,8.472884824447931,1.9476530864197528,315,13,65,7,8,108,54,81,0.094,0.736,0.17,0.7391,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,7,7,1,1,5,0,11,2,0,2,0,16,17,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,2,8,3,7,14,0,3,0,0,2,1,8,1,1,2,2,45,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25179190919774497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21076878406057897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824465928478801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374116606006381,0.250589574068358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103279632597575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19145027595978734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418564300661013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24279695906286675,0.0,0.1733931334807539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981360308274263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447709467301969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20754930177579367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23833979066047306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23734079159115806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20498621123596028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Substantial-Trouble,2020/04/14,"Relationships and splitting Hi, I have a terrible time dating because of BPD. One thing I do is split between black and white. One minute my girlfriend is an angel and the next she is pure evil. She has picked up on the times I think she’s evil and is upset. How do I break this cycle?",0.3041379310344823,2.725205189655174,1.6823275862068994,95.91418103448281,91.93103448275862,4.279310344827587,17.594827586206893,5.985473137389443,-0.36004137931034474,223,6,48,2,8,71,43,58,0.23199999999999998,0.768,0.0,-0.9382,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,4,0,8,0,0,2,1,8,9,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,0,2,8,0,4,9,0,7,1,0,2,0,6,2,0,0,4,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117159037418511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43742262025307393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693662956496505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4706901575465212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728791159652976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307361885936376,0.22254112197553055,0.0,0.0,0.4050365018127177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,butter-scotchh,2020/04/14,"How do I stop being so affected by some hate comments online? So I posted my opinion of a tv show on fb and some guys started making fun of me, trying to humiliate for not thinking the way they did, I’m not gonna mention what tv show it was cause i’m scared of getting attacked over it again. I don’t know how to stop thinking about it and feeling so horrible even tho i know they were the ones being assholes and not me. I got heart palpitations and shaky when they were making those comments. It’s triggering a mental breakdown and I don’t want to let them win by letting it affect me, but i feel like i can’t control how i feel or stop myself from thinking about it so much, I know I’m gonna keep obsessing over it even when I know i shouldn’t cause other people would just move on but I’m just not like other people. please help",2.166761904761902,3.8385814857142897,3.6594285714285695,89.60590476190477,77.0,6.038095238095237,23.666666666666664,6.742157984588678,0.6794952380952375,660,21,140,6,15,218,95,175,0.146,0.74,0.114,-0.4102,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,4,2,17,9,2,3,4,0,14,1,1,11,0,46,38,18,0,3,9,0,3,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,11,5,0,5,10,4,0,1,8,5,0,1,5,3,21,4,16,25,3,14,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,5,9,97,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216468720672134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928644649438429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987552128873658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18829829393633185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21622399996133226,0.1018336560515225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447349856838896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400567559702088,0.0,0.0,0.14114123957761968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073295708870842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891564806837778,0.09554442049176223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266998980355809,0.0,0.0,0.3133544150780718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915223505865258,0.0,0.13927986174525606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902988162204342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436510989159687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150200193477828,0.10478644091711624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659168745284584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976444997408625,0.0,0.0,0.15647080488136333,0.0,0.0,0.1365180092346947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427116828350562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089356904917487,0.0,0.0,0.3575201810878081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740098405028775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677820350649836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407630453387256,0.11314500783836867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012593606888253,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,curvypervy106,2020/04/14,"Rationing my medication is such a huge and unequivocal fucked up part of my dealings with my disorder. After years of undergoing treatment starting with a DV counselor then on to a psychotherapist and a psychologist and finding the right medications to help me keep my stress levels low, focus better, feel better and lead a life that’s productive and worth it... I’m always afraid I’m going to miss an appointment or something out of my control is going to come up where I can’t get my medication in time. Those thoughts make me go off the deep end. I end up not taking my medication as prescribed; only for a couple days when “I don’t really need it today, anyway”. And the fucking beast comes barreling out. I took my medications today, as prescribed. And yesterday. This working from home shit has had me fucked up. But I felt good yesterday. And I felt fucking great all day today. I know it’s not a coincidence. But you couldn’t convince me that not taking me meds was a problem 3 days ago.",5.08206349206349,6.678031571428572,6.157539682539685,74.96107142857146,69.26455026455028,8.997883597883598,30.43121693121693,9.424239791934726,2.8791312169312167,793,32,141,17,14,264,117,189,0.124,0.764,0.11199999999999999,-0.5118,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,5,4,15,5,2,12,0,8,11,1,3,1,34,33,15,0,3,6,0,3,0,0,0,6,0,1,0,7,14,0,2,6,0,1,7,6,10,0,0,6,3,21,5,23,26,2,39,0,2,0,4,3,15,5,1,17,92,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129501053709116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569648379878789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821737477206998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17743467718651168,0.0,0.0,0.11551278841792803,0.0,0.11395721205320195,0.0,0.19926137641219246,0.1061788534446731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803622493239625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18243832011342834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05207517481325034,0.0,0.1977743792367717,0.0,0.0941316020961113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38085284137492337,0.05380837174777203,0.0,0.1755959052435129,0.0863836835524997,0.0,0.11354757189542584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903247188696435,0.0,0.10330803447150076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154283530325663,0.0,0.0,0.05660097611717214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274535257753091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687470687102674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439941137657728,0.5187612997576443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636627320432791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832904176890126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115288539693418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854815733679884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659784573093357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795346529006105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571843774088928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928724568615023,0.0,0.0,0.07289732286945183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797545893791707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487232566351353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817630839447308,0.0600546850666167,0.0,0.2928693244841389,0.0,0.114426418478068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749784308279464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632261166248332 bpd,hcw221992,2020/04/14,Im losing it optimistically I losing it but im happy is that dangerous i lost my identity iv had a fucked up year so far and then this corna i got sick and i have had to go through a neighborhood fire my father with a stroke my brother sexually assulting my sister and going after my neice. Because he was going through an alcohol withdrawl and he tried to cut his junk off after i got sick and i know it was covid because it was a lot longer than i regular flu excuse the run on and spelling but my nest friend most likley almost 100 percent gave it to me she got sick too plus she gave it to her kids she ashamed and in denial she called me a retard and im acting like one of her paricpaants frim her disabilty day program i know how to spell but i cant see very well i broke my glasses too just going ona rant hopefully some of yall can keep up ghanks for reading if u did,0.8893243243243241,3.0897411081081114,3.070472972972976,89.52408783783787,83.86486486486487,5.8621621621621625,21.682432432432428,7.1686216300943375,0.7317081081081079,695,23,147,10,20,236,118,185,0.263,0.647,0.09,-0.9907,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,3,6,13,3,1,7,0,10,8,0,1,0,24,26,16,0,2,5,3,2,1,1,0,7,0,0,1,8,10,1,1,2,1,0,6,1,8,1,1,12,3,28,5,20,14,4,17,0,4,1,1,20,6,1,6,6,96,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165649541672986,0.1514702469327112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18441972305757184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544586809959125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975535397207537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168671177855294,0.1398422393408593,0.0,0.0,0.34386999478593544,0.0,0.36294179476892224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102461746926627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024047388470665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4901771175981453,0.0,0.0,0.13445145939522216,0.0,0.0,0.16626279526819904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390053570033481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384541318583819,0.1651238338175608,0.12860026318964785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250121385129456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130613385766653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053877950775425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269914104778824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248096312340599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360055804326129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740982895475424 bpd,sm0kep0pe,2020/04/14,"relationship advice (help) so I’ve recently been reading a lot on bpd and I don’t have a diagnosis but I have many traits of it. it’s been extremely hard dealing with all of it since the quarantine started. my bf lives an hour away and I haven’t seen him in two weeks. our one year anniversary is also two weeks from today. i’ve been extremely depressed these past few weeks and i’ve been constantly thinking he doesn’t love me anymore all because I haven’t seen him. his parents won’t let him come over so it’s not his fault, but I still just feel extremely upset because he’s okay with all of this. like I feel like i’m going through hell and he’s enjoying his time off. Its like I want him to be just as upset as me but he’s not which irritates me and Idk why",0.7705452035886786,3.022914422360252,2.5567184265010354,92.66322118702554,84.90062111801242,6.310697032436162,21.987922705314013,7.594959193182576,0.8923744651483787,606,21,135,11,18,200,95,161,0.128,0.695,0.177,0.8318,1,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,0,6,11,1,2,4,1,14,1,0,0,3,23,25,13,0,1,7,1,3,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,3,1,0,2,7,5,0,3,6,5,19,6,15,16,5,19,1,1,2,1,18,5,1,1,15,84,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214353387471416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450938404535652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440778803233854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628075248053415,0.0,0.0,0.18982068062996088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19609263648096464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411761660138524,0.0,0.16825118440848513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16051490028072007,0.13410003561571382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744832838311834,0.11122867203447084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848516223792174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947230506340566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435920130595087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332839586747188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15920887642343426,0.0,0.2281944103317585,0.0,0.13748170176376354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323664794802369,0.14052098416991088,0.0,0.0,0.1578504813445347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055030875009822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728810788425693,0.0,0.14862867237691568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15573731939389227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373021303235326,0.1671583625374086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879266682293453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020185405579504,0.0,0.1243383767114768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976318853461733,0.0,0.0,0.09078711506223787,0.0,0.14758083142970646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30418314678100805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183305466452994,0.0,0.3746678606183748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049068858695932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026259515890942 bpd,Queenxxxxx,2020/04/14,"Feeling Chronically Empty I feel like an empty shell of a person. I can’t describe it other than nothing fulfills me and it feels like there’s impending doom. I dissociate a lot and barely recognize my own reflection in the mirror. I feel hopeless, empty, and lost. I try to describe this feeling to my bf but he doesn’t understand it. Objectively my life is pretty good, apart from having mentally and (now less so) physically abusive parents. Anyone have any advice on how to help this feeling go away? I am on antidepressants, but I’m not going to therapy anymore cuz I feel like I’ve already discussed my childhood trauma enough. I just don’t know who I am or who I want to be. With this whole covid thing as well I have all the time in the world to get lost in my bad thoughts.",3.5408898944193083,5.512091294117654,4.964705882352941,80.43040723981903,73.9673202614379,7.5835093011563615,28.762694821518348,8.384062270229773,2.230201005530417,620,26,115,11,13,207,103,153,0.16699999999999998,0.6709999999999999,0.162,-0.2082,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,2,6,11,0,0,6,0,10,2,0,2,1,26,27,11,0,1,5,1,7,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,10,5,0,0,11,0,0,2,4,6,1,0,3,7,17,5,17,23,6,13,1,4,0,0,8,8,0,2,6,81,27,0,0.0,0.170893069031508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094327124878075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591652135780265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980837011645318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430408391163513,0.10085139128282056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551208684502772,0.0,0.12042891739692065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903172384324098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.510501410177247,0.3091212454570485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535603166847092,0.0,0.16394240235094848,0.12097618608373648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667665028132554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926693951538487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187636076896306,0.2113955542752773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148957270122007,0.12262213284063728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145353407147669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839589823801204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601541923507255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259390969948497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673728525807286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649435355972281,0.0,0.09582230421231984,0.0,0.0,0.11450525899450012,0.0841036924687727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792505399160778,0.0,0.0,0.1501521221825282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507263373969838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968320544011405,0.0,0.0,0.16103151113747866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,idkjordan,2020/04/14,BPD girlfriend dumped me out of nowhere So my ex had just been released from the hospital before lockdown and had been acting different since the start of the quarantine. She barely talked to me and I felt like I was the only one trying anymore. Well eventually I asked her what was going on and she told me she doesn't want a relationship anymore but assured me we would be just as close as best friends. I'm not someone who can be friends with their ex so I told her I couldn't talk to her anymore and cut her off from my life. I feel empty now and I don't know what to do. I guess I lost myself in her and became obsessed with her and her promises. I figured she was the one and she told me she felt the same way. All the plans we had are gone and I just don't know how to move on. I know I have to work on myself now but deep down I still hope she'll come back to me. Does anyone have any tips on how to move on from a BPD relationship?,1.3999004975124372,3.0797895124378134,2.7371393034825893,95.32769900497513,79.24875621890547,5.6606965174129344,21.11691542288557,6.42735559955562,0.045748258706467926,736,20,173,6,18,238,104,201,0.062,0.802,0.136,0.9589,1,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,1,4,12,12,2,1,9,0,21,1,0,2,2,39,40,17,0,4,6,2,3,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,3,16,0,0,7,0,0,6,5,4,1,2,15,3,41,8,25,20,3,23,0,1,0,0,31,11,0,2,6,127,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519849560084443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727489121281996,0.08760259568646388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171251118295069,0.0,0.0,0.09633688322835228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660880708652977,0.0,0.1314794943818296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155856227896212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079224399288356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089677306742467,0.0,0.0,0.10963826174505133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334815735775297,0.0,0.2405876224545109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193590667952267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120268647927007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801619925076505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443685719272027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065610468633917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849291545640839,0.06120820954322195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676401835392418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663175038930529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16979351276383828,0.09528533473872852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690196679107951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363753249346906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615407156588992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886777835437616,0.0,0.10005323186868123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139961870206846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591472430294689,0.0,0.08506068982573628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389668543671274,0.0994458676474992,0.0,0.0,0.11264678919139665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120939971031244,0.0,0.0,0.08899928661029725,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,isaystupidshitt,2020/04/14,"I need advice Me and my husband have been together for about 4 months now. Every time we get into an argument I literally feel like I want to die and recently I locked myself into our room and pulled out his gun but I ended up opening the door. I feel like I’m the problem in our relationship always. It’s hard for me to take in anything nice or assuring that he says Does anyone else trouble with this? Is it only me? How can I fix this? I’ve been going to therapy since I was 12 I’m 20-21 now. What do I do when I feel like this? He won’t let me catch a break to calm down by the way when we fight he wants to solve it right then otherwise we can’t do anything. Help?",0.9607270811380388,2.5066472328767126,3.3379452054794534,91.13439936775556,80.09589041095892,6.6840885142254995,20.819810326659642,7.61054688173877,0.5742914646996837,520,14,122,8,13,180,99,146,0.11599999999999999,0.715,0.16899999999999998,0.8466,0,0,0,1,1,1,11.0,5,0,0,0,6,9,1,0,5,0,12,0,0,1,1,22,23,9,1,4,2,1,4,3,0,1,0,1,2,0,8,11,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,3,5,22,6,17,18,0,24,0,0,0,0,14,10,0,1,12,75,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17022309974285976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494569465073326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180245488441685,0.17848521022514854,0.2866982525598481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078877931054024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524407961335209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551907640050935,0.0,0.15428666304350594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467683195130446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642374127655293,0.3733386924530277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910106398217942,0.0,0.09900005747067887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604611968409407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676044509138644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781280331880013,0.0,0.2553112766701797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904222616240472,0.0,0.0,0.12916472213117275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248451823504429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668281460964796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17199832763215755,0.18702217501066884,0.0,0.14876311790504726,0.0,0.1385282894357745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14409739548183922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309743167419785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19920922554967155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157555664069023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054915753005233,0.13826931397020056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Will_Gld04,2020/04/14,"Obsessing I don't want much in this world of this one person asked me a question, anything once in a while it would make me so happy as I give out so much time and effort to them, but they never do. And it hurts. I've constantly obsessed about this person for about 3 years im not even kidding and I don't know if I can cope anymore. They have no idea as im always horrible to them so that they will never find out.",3.078333333333333,3.4595059444444445,4.420000000000002,90.09000000000002,72.8888888888889,7.333333333333332,23.88888888888889,7.1686216300943375,0.7058888888888895,325,8,75,3,6,108,60,90,0.198,0.77,0.032,-0.9207,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,5,1,6,4,0,2,2,0,7,0,0,1,2,17,12,11,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,6,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,0,0,11,1,12,10,2,11,0,1,0,0,11,5,0,2,6,55,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838079182493306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887693092643652,0.0,0.0,0.15663623664251994,0.0,0.17794519907247952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056933802914737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571988950141705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17397023792407346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825945432556673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20262387754338604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037663341073956,0.2148743059763808,0.4112066416169085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460764570632997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705556512143892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798483087223504,0.0,0.2936088227531133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20270929759666909,0.1289814795394078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332400683552451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132279479040388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099065156489267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226935193857826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521434921856146,0.0,0.0,0.12257478119715133 bpd,sirroscoee,2020/04/14,"Any active bpd discords? Going out of my mind because of quarentine. I'm in the UK so it's already been a couple of weeks of being sat in the house, and yesterday I just found out that my university is ending after my next assignment until the beginning of the next academic year (october) so I have no idea how I'm gonna cope. Would love to join an active bpd discord or two.",3.1538095238095245,4.573118948051949,5.352662337662338,79.54423160173161,73.80519480519482,8.769696969696971,27.119047619047624,9.2995712137729,2.4195645021645023,297,11,58,7,6,104,58,77,0.064,0.79,0.146,0.7665,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,6,0,5,1,0,1,0,10,13,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,5,1,12,7,0,14,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,9,38,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22806782038805326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054412668017915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598540429002655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5205925930380884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286787665449481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18305015216849085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266053088990525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745652687806885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384718747415327,0.0,0.233307663928428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18652965465222707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20867992261858412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4395962822450159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20188862772083555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577990602440504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468139422367831,0.0,0.0,0.13309006736612358 bpd,lexilemonnnnn,2020/04/14,My fp and other best friends are hanging out without me I’ve never posted on here so let me know if I’m doing something wrong. I can’t tell if I’m being crazy or not. My fp (roommate/best friend) left to go hang out with my other closest friends. My problem is that she told me she was going to see her sister but I have her on snap maps and can clearly see she’s not. I’m upset because I was not invited. I feel like something is going on and they just don’t want to be around me. There’s no other explanation for it because my closest friends literally live across the street so it would be extremely easy to ask me to come over. They also just left their apartment and are currently routing so they had to drive right past my apartment and didn’t even ask if I wanted to come with. This also makes me suspicious of my fp because why is she hanging out with people that don’t like me and why does she feel the need to lie about going over there?,4.0025058275058285,4.499063469696972,4.891414141414142,87.12122377622379,70.86868686868685,7.3044289044289075,27.857031857031856,7.010146845296331,1.2531502719502725,749,25,160,6,13,244,106,198,0.08199999999999999,0.807,0.111,0.7867,1,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,4,1,13,10,0,1,2,0,20,0,0,1,2,37,41,16,0,8,11,1,2,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,8,15,0,0,3,0,0,10,10,3,0,0,5,4,30,7,25,31,1,33,0,0,2,0,20,19,0,4,5,113,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027458121183674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284659180590716,0.23701394433989675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318219727749385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660614199337061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21839145142122146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093179106027592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372624563074038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819109760066807,0.09056003133973163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917493617043679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881709875268152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966602877234414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754583188860768,0.12962449856455535,0.0,0.12386070709532672,0.0,0.1119346926708572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461577158791743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399369677434463,0.09776800039624038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101032029102045,0.0878820067188901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140460898778545,0.0,0.0,0.12129576617679595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825552956613738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20202855528380806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951778191180505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079708405316073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112817274278324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953706011820014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287690921533717,0.0,0.0,0.12219570850138535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004931407727952,0.13859623491779385,0.0,0.0 bpd,medina_ds3,2020/04/14,"DAE get irked when others compliment things you don’t like about yourself? Or question people’s standards for going for you? I hate everything about me and I dislike when others try to tell me “oh I like so and so thing about you” like no, and I feel bad because I know they’re being honest and/or trying to comfort me but in the moment it feels condescending, and even then I know it’s unintentional.",2.2867948717948714,4.983127423076926,3.3720512820512845,86.32294871794875,82.46153846153845,5.51794871794872,21.48717948717949,6.937597516519254,0.7138102564102571,321,10,60,4,9,103,54,78,0.10300000000000001,0.748,0.149,0.3736,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,0,8,8,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,12,9,11,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,12,6,8,8,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,7,42,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202519062891619,0.16080267605012555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742294424280993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370755857504543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667582105342869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781830796223338,0.0,0.14991676177080898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604359724375839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289941899526162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866203800265529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828773392948242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955028565546881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23056228106033544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504979638440739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581893831036333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hgaugusto,2020/04/14,"Aligned views of how you see those close to you as how you see yourself DAE view themselves so lowly that they think the same of those that are close to you. Since they are choosing to stay in your life, they must have something broken in them like you and you want to leave them because they remind you of yourself and your flaws. Then it’s a never ending cycle of wanting friends, getting them and realised you attracted the same kind. Is it your brain tricking your or just you genuinely attracting the same type of people? Idk- corona thoughts",8.990388349514564,7.880730368932043,7.108077669902915,80.79201941747577,60.84466019417476,9.405048543689322,36.13398058252427,7.554174236665415,2.5761161165048545,440,16,81,3,5,128,65,103,0.07200000000000001,0.778,0.15,0.8395,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,13,7,0,4,6,1,0,4,0,5,2,1,2,2,19,12,9,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,20,5,12,10,3,8,0,0,4,0,21,4,0,1,4,60,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159122452369121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29139761557314714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311965364855909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20167238161982307,0.0,0.1363782474458155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718242629615196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27639479493812946,0.0,0.0,0.1843743523936381,0.12752686401506064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013236769585043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096645793544636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4160168095441048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21592805298149134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20095489345355788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782249749021689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725852170699335,0.0,0.2072299482767601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30792642441850177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Andy553,2020/04/14,"New To Thread: Hi everyone, I’m on my lunch break at work so I’m going to make this short and sweet. I’m new to this thread, and was just diagnosed a few months prior.. After finding this thread I was in total disbelief... I have almost something in common with every single post I’ve read thus far, and it amazes me. I’m actually just glad I found people who I share so much in common with. A person (friend, relative, etc) without this disorder, I’ve found have a hard time understanding “BPD”. So far everyone I’ve told is extremely understanding... yet it’s as if 5 minutes later they totally forget that I even told them.., and set off every trigger in my book lol... My question today however is “What ways, techniques, strategies, coping mechanisms, etc, have you found and implemented in your own life, that helps you / makes your life more “normal” “. This can be for any symptom / trait that you have that is caused by your “BPD”. Feel free to share stories and experiences... Thank you!!",2.4463133640553,5.136791096774194,3.597619047619048,85.045,81.58064516129029,6.768663594470048,22.29800307219662,7.957251820313856,1.3780648233486938,768,25,144,15,21,248,116,186,0.019,0.846,0.135,0.9664,1,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,7,2,1,7,8,0,0,3,1,11,5,0,5,2,30,27,11,0,2,4,0,2,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,13,8,1,0,8,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,7,3,18,9,19,19,9,27,0,0,0,0,19,11,0,3,11,87,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.11921806853568699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223333211248926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830782366247366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30773192484893075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254998976356678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239976607794069,0.0,0.0,0.14001478738409076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724985952621946,0.08069062464956915,0.0,0.2058631406392924,0.2334729772640748,0.0,0.11950346902084916,0.0,0.0,0.06177166826237116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165907975419773,0.0,0.0,0.4018517867198508,0.09438647482597007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943072872266894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943827792443776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188644527887408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725813423829385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16309579901018545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751310587407586,0.0,0.08980732852806637,0.0,0.0,0.2359806840123541,0.0,0.0,0.1196984236449604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469571236813345,0.10667213794158133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170029022651458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685580203225325,0.0,0.12220077695917833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405067684411858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269790347722496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124756197317734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123697801955929,0.0,0.11580071067859235,0.2334729772640748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25436180299642513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969710470297235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177653192758628,0.0,0.08893955272443116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sadboimochi,2020/04/14,"I worried that my FP didn’t ever love me and he recently told me that I’m right I feel so stupid. On top of everything, he threw every insecurity I’ve ever shared with him back in my face. The worst of it was when he told me about how he was always disgusted by sexual stuff between us, how he never found me attractive, and how no amount of plastic surgery I could get would make me attractive to anyone. It’s been a month since this happened but every thing is really hitting me this week. I can’t breathe right now. I want to die. I’m going to kill myself. I don’t know how with my family around 24/7. I should have planned for this. I can’t stop crying.",2.537126741871269,3.9695831240875954,4.081871267418717,87.98049767750501,75.42335766423358,7.609555408095554,22.67352355673524,8.296473431620573,1.1068160583941604,516,14,113,9,11,172,92,137,0.23800000000000002,0.7120000000000001,0.05,-0.9809,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,1,0,0,2,12,9,3,1,2,0,12,3,2,5,3,22,27,9,2,4,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,3,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,8,1,20,4,15,15,2,18,0,0,0,1,11,6,0,0,10,74,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402210457129854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783218284238467,0.0,0.0,0.15001735773154676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958046676672486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345484575231723,0.0,0.1851098625009016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489578941398282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30486959701119604,0.2839685206138348,0.0,0.1514537279764712,0.0,0.15886441848736832,0.0,0.08520811058182254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18477204001728564,0.0,0.0,0.08804405758702055,0.0,0.09577305222921308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490205166492646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864409568887477,0.0,0.09261346215978407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520946926674403,0.0,0.1124875308407053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451000664582474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997199875887644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795738481134128,0.0,0.16639187124240534,0.0,0.0,0.28782807252653153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940039769838658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088916647000815,0.0,0.0,0.19291357664145545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195632630055767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220536505520142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027072289581636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939668661176858,0.0,0.1351755242576812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711389047611199,0.0,0.11971083882308713,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,OFS97,2020/04/14,"Anyone else feel like all they crave is the affection a relationship brings but refuses to let anyone in to be able to do that? First post here so not a clue if I’ve done it right or wrong?! I feel like I switch between wanting and craving the emotional and physical affection a relationship brings. To the other end of the spectrum where I completely shut off emotionally and all I want is meaningless sex? I want affection but I don’t want to give anyone the power to know me to that extent because in the end they’ll use it against me?",5.2480323450134785,6.097544773584907,6.123261455525607,78.13292452830191,68.24528301886792,10.208086253369274,31.18059299191375,10.290406445055957,3.1536781671159035,430,17,84,11,7,142,65,106,0.034,0.752,0.214,0.9520000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,2,3,3,0,0,9,0,8,1,0,4,2,22,19,8,0,5,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,2,10,2,13,15,3,12,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,2,5,58,15,0,0.16087155579046528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33745539677602004,0.1648319198282559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980658072540706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686707655368717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462745498483553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13438754227576305,0.3619176950896525,0.28496889844571593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268298451414825,0.22985334320073025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368372631740974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15432265508921034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841079990779639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450206517712104,0.0,0.15718743244613168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15407048144194366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34543169283973607,0.0,0.13738342965781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389413726931736,0.0,0.0,0.37954484657402016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758877922169628,0.0,0.0 bpd,Frenchie1234567,2020/04/14,"Does anyone else has a bpd parent but doesn’t have the same kind of bpd as them? I have been clearly traumatized by my mom whos bpd completely ruined my childhood. She never took care of herself and always used it as an excuse. My therapist is investigating but thinks i do have bpd. I feel shattered, and im kind of at loss. My mom is a very angry person and i have completely repressed this feeling and emotion from me. Is it normal that i feel like bpd could be completely different for me? That im not an angry person? Does everyone has to be angry when they have bpd? Im kindof at loss sorry 😩",2.8922950819672124,4.522285114754105,4.7401311475409855,82.80773770491805,74.90163934426229,7.50295081967213,24.49508196721311,8.238735603445708,1.5356596721311475,472,15,93,8,10,161,73,122,0.285,0.642,0.073,-0.9873,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,2,1,8,0,1,5,0,16,0,0,1,2,19,24,9,0,2,3,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,3,15,4,11,19,1,6,0,3,0,0,11,2,0,1,4,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833666389774413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582877810336145,0.09646327169507916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7114383691180675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598769266223504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961295463879766,0.0,0.0,0.0751675844475361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836209259759413,0.0,0.0,0.16477486192040888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786465510836005,0.10590110516538834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996013562748068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280850109346827,0.06725762072751601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30508014361176616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19607626684556567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045994774613138535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205243294690724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261087471657073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224267880318153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045375245346256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440857711843787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053882683151886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931027394188872,0.0,0.060324685841340625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459920276759146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131155299139657,0.0,0.07767996271958708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,beatrixkivo,2020/04/15,"After years of misdiagnosis and months of evaluation, I was just diagnosed with BPD I'm still trying to take this in. For the longest time I assumed I had something similar to manic-depression or Bipolar II. Mostly because of the lack of sleep I get and act under a lot of manic-induced episodes. I run on very little sleep and have a lot of rapid thinking patterns but the doctors and practitioners as well as therapists weren't quite sure how to pin point me because I didn't meet full blown mania. I have been diagnosed in the past with GAD/depression and have a long history of panic attacks. Years of CBT has helped but I feel it's run its course and i've hit a dead end with it. &#x200B; So today, after months of evaluation, I was diagnosed with BPD. I'm feeling a little out of sorts because I always viewed this as a really scary diagnosis for someone. I've always educated myself in the psychology realm and I feel I know a decent amount about personality disorders and how we function biologically. I went to school to work in healthcare and feel this diagnosis on a severe level thats making me anxious. I know having a personality disorder is nothing to be ashamed of. It took me years to feel comfortable in my own skin and speak openly about my mental health issues but I am at a place now(and feel the world is) where it is acceptable to be different. &#x200B; I am going to be starting DBT in the coming weeks which is pretty exciting/scary. I feel like things may get dug up here and I don't know how I feel about this. I guess I just wanted to communicate with others that can relate. After reading up and educating myself more on BPD things about myself are beginning to make a lot of sense. Scary sense. I'm relieved to finally have a formal diagnosis and feel it is very much sufficient and definitive but it just came out of left field for me. &#x200B; I suppose I just want to hear others stories. How to cope/things that have helped along the way? Were you propelled in a strange way by your diagnosis? I guess I just feel ""crazier"" than I am. I don't mean this in an offensive way. I just mean this in I thought I had myself figured out but I guess I really don't afterall.",4.801452740807576,6.169947116550122,5.9805233476201245,76.83346492217463,69.67599067599068,8.985367320851191,29.92262576133544,9.370254747372089,2.6936574328896907,1759,69,328,37,31,588,206,429,0.105,0.8290000000000001,0.066,-0.9595,1,0,1,0,0,0,48.0,1,2,0,2,19,10,2,2,22,0,32,9,3,6,1,78,71,28,1,3,12,0,11,1,0,1,6,2,0,2,21,27,0,0,20,1,0,8,5,4,1,0,12,14,45,6,67,54,10,58,0,0,1,0,10,29,0,11,19,231,66,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759903253468842,0.22969874176191685,0.25759964987991457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983211724474705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039242575111764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923144899284986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26700289415423584,0.0,0.0,0.0808227255606053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06087223608914764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217285131426728,0.21517256821962688,0.0,0.0738306072279497,0.1619780093742073,0.07232932964744486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258882801121539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35730696906374315,0.050483584152022205,0.0,0.07741081096448822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383981441598372,0.0,0.04016094099063844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335386784377547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511432562461487,0.07964537018556826,0.0,0.09473144693364782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375662243912352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650804799985147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677848061741317,0.0,0.0,0.034523687421873374,0.14165117492197488,0.0,0.06253691328853009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802323317411325,0.0,0.0,0.0943397956549245,0.0,0.0,0.15395130887714695,0.0,0.0,0.07121439631889115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280936158585946,0.0,0.05194741417664195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780563689173058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291096324209629,0.0,0.0,0.06745839855948305,0.0,0.1234051122905285,0.0738306072279497,0.0,0.06680191967029384,0.0,0.0,0.07189241306542132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516166135899824,0.07068481467436162,0.0,0.09054050299107916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151745249427563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983211724474705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414334509038983,0.0,0.059874811118466924,0.05440190175669318,0.0,0.0,0.05001754018253901,0.0,0.056433712542161424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660157797729394,0.0,0.05313180558023081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204831442942044,0.09389429091858656,0.045279721779835504,0.0,0.05610066564416531,0.041205733012288526,0.0,0.06698281285240944,0.0,0.07851218342298266,0.04797736593420476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661319245198505,0.08336091150413613,0.16827341016901748,0.05668375526028649,0.0,0.0635369432980269,0.06550780402188293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05144546506154474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25759964987991457,0.13651916544781625 bpd,BizzleIsBack,2020/04/15,"DAE get obsessed by people and idolize / copy them ? I've always had issues with idolization. It can be a celebrity, somebody I know irl, a social media person etc. Example ; I've been growing out my hair for a year now and every time I see a picture of somebody I idolize I have the URGE to cut my hair the same way they do or shave my beard / mustache because they are clean shaved. I creep on their instagram / social media pictures to buy the products or the food they have, I often buy items they own, few days ago I found my favorite singer glasses, and they were cheap, so I bought them. I found the items they wore on instagram fan account like '' insert name '' closet. They do that for famous people! I think people who don't have BPD can't understand me/us and find this unhealthy, but that makes me feel less lonely. I literally have no one in my life and not a single friends and I'm dealing with a LOT of mental illnesses. I can attach myself to those things and that make a '' sense to my life ?'' I guess. The thing is the people I am obsessing with are often changing. It can be people I've already idolized or a new person ! If you're like me please, let me feel less alone ! Have a great day",3.615332403533241,4.949027774058578,4.400048814504881,87.16558693630869,72.51464435146444,6.650023245002326,25.4116689911669,6.937597516519254,1.0079733147373309,934,29,187,8,18,300,142,239,0.10400000000000001,0.812,0.084,-0.7170000000000001,0,3,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,10,0,4,8,1,2,16,0,22,6,2,2,0,33,37,13,0,1,6,0,4,2,1,0,3,0,2,2,10,11,1,0,8,0,5,1,4,4,0,1,7,5,34,4,16,27,10,13,0,1,1,0,18,4,0,8,9,127,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140527623861412,0.0,0.0,0.13325697189419014,0.14198378590652233,0.0,0.10705865136036133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843230421383376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204764694263973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361093199259566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659551110403931,0.1326468059000682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349423180286205,0.0,0.0,0.1084048642310858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011264261324318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759645115033734,0.0,0.15558086882070102,0.28214659665059705,0.09940539095037147,0.0,0.06722156447794561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185237682458912,0.14173776441940322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429165796748785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071030105520126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156752981544756,0.18175820044076527,0.12571734088993286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938542578030863,0.0,0.0,0.17176827180868354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296629243117942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426437259276595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718597180153273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4459966544622983,0.22468866636127946,0.0,0.14123429812538948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252845050596933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623132358423373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709571233626634,0.08244261612087098,0.0,0.0,0.07502494041878242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339436318409042,0.154766800111285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212739546242984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285531733080123 bpd,havenmarah,2020/04/15,"The Debate. The debate was wearing me out. Once you've posed that question, it won't go away. I think many people kill themselves simply to stop the debate about whether they will or they won't. Anything I thought or did was immediately drawn into the debate. Made a stupid remark—why not kill myself? Missed the bus—better put an end to it all. Even the good got in there. I liked that movie—maybe I shouldn’t kill myself. Susanna Kaysen",2.1032941176470565,4.791141270588239,2.579117647058826,91.71102941176471,83.3529411764706,4.341176470588237,17.911764705882355,5.6839178017228535,-0.3553294117647061,348,8,67,2,10,107,63,85,0.213,0.7040000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9338,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,2,0,3,7,4,0,8,0,7,1,1,1,1,13,13,3,3,1,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,6,0,9,2,7,3,1,8,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,3,3,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435821941396642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876499955005846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689874975334724,0.0,0.0,0.1319177326159302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350939897594572,0.16752144626222326,0.15973984591906554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6629046626902884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757647388301313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18898642030568952,0.0,0.2024917264354975,0.20065251439822832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127026282410072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846548327538344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20078069766707604,0.22373983567279093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669806301041596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797693177122596,0.0,0.15856084748870972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18022246012663304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,psycholover12,2020/04/15,Mmpi & mcmi I’ve already been diagnosed with BPD but I’m wanting to take one of these assessments. I’ve called around to a few different doctors and nobody performs these tests?? I don’t understand and it’s extremely frustrating. Who performed these tests on you? Because I’m not sure what to do.,3.3168421052631563,6.0483234035087765,4.055350877192982,82.9082894736842,78.12280701754386,8.010526315789475,30.552631578947373,8.841846274778883,3.0139263157894742,242,12,43,6,6,77,44,57,0.134,0.866,0.0,-0.8059,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,2,1,2,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,9,8,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,7,7,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,25,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30967402526366805,0.0,0.0,0.3040544777518713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24981361593254264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710649367568858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534343502170818,0.0,0.28654705752778137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848260393361659,0.0,0.2931908971368992,0.0,0.2872291295555932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19015714126738908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644834863352407,0.0,0.21099327676495092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921380308728773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551848445853598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,walldey,2020/04/15,"BPD books on kindle? As title says, I'm wanting to learn and understand BPD better so my pwBPD and I can try and heal our relationship. Any books aimed at explaining BPD to someone WITHOUT BPD would be good, but really just Ant trusted literature on it would be great. Thanks, appreciate your input guys.",4.6080357142857125,7.071828017857142,5.424428571428575,76.12057142857145,72.39285714285714,8.765714285714285,27.271428571428572,9.3871,2.7028185714285717,243,9,42,6,5,79,45,56,0.0,0.691,0.309,0.9702,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,12,10,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,5,7,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,23,5,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013446660538248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432354029098666,0.0,0.0,0.8159030036656629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583956934838626,0.0,0.17855516959352027,0.0,0.1603602033379676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037520612526797,0.0,0.0,0.1738782910588089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879254681440022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372233390677735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910574524135153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995632771420084,0.0,0.0,0.1686001210180566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552483265206188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561181501919106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300953529744602,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,redheadbeauty15,2020/04/15,"Anyone else who chats with people online get triggered??? I talk to people online occasionally when they message from my posts. Along with bpd I also have bdd. I don’t use reddit to meet people I don’t do that I just respond to messages I do get. I’m genuinely curious if anyone else has this problem because it has ruined my whole days multiple times. Someone messages me and we talk and then eventually they ask for photos. Typically I decline and apologize and then they yell at me and say that I am a dude. If I do like them I will send them photos. Taking photos in real time especially spontaneously is so much mental effort for me and gives me huge bouts of BDD and then my bpd makes it worse. So I send photos I’ve pre taken on a good mental day. Every single time I send these photos I get the response yeah that’s not you. Like I understand the concern of people not want to talk to a catfish. But 1) they message me, I’m not purposely looking for someone to manipulate 2) I don’t know what you want me to do picture wise that Is me and I don’t understand why it’s hard to believe. 3) it’s so disrespectful, when someone shows themselves like that to get a response. This triggers my identity crisis with bpd i often don’t think of myself as human and don’t trust my mind. And even though I know they’re talking about my pictures I feel like they’re telling me I’m not a real person! I can genuinely not handle it. At all. Like it flares up my bpd like no before, and instantly makes me cry. It’s like I can’t prove myself physically like I can’t mentally. I don’t know if anyone can relate but I just don’t know what to do. I send them my hand, I send them my room, my clothes, my bras everything to try and verify I’m real and it’s not enough. I wish I could just meet people irl and just by pass this but my BPD makes that almost more impossible. If anyone has anything remotely similar I’d be interested in hearing.",1.4327100663050023,3.724125906329114,3.612034358047016,85.91701476793251,82.34177215189874,6.2935503315250125,22.3161543098252,7.536579438409214,1.0635521398432788,1523,51,306,25,42,520,178,395,0.06,0.8540000000000001,0.086,0.8641,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,2,8,1,14,14,0,0,7,1,27,1,1,7,2,64,56,32,0,9,17,0,3,8,0,1,0,3,1,2,21,19,0,0,9,2,0,6,17,2,0,0,1,7,62,12,31,52,6,25,0,1,1,0,37,8,0,6,18,198,83,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641214717846237,0.0,0.0,0.06102404532875937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21342728848760406,0.1563745759050668,0.06279556384562153,0.0,0.07133834002204581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04651707944711614,0.0,0.06493308915985661,0.08597378143097016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4805407250625859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060926293154078076,0.0,0.08382153133564298,0.09842560616189763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274922657710517,0.0,0.0,0.07884729281844459,0.0,0.050401181214970926,0.0,0.06429337672068339,0.0,0.06858134533711242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03858397502267273,0.05451495544798977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947259929300964,0.07320226497168535,0.0,0.06400412289558052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835761281411012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860054586106677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677490786422234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29824463747047364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408009494699282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280996318368548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23070368563110394,0.0,0.07705004078980585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056095679755029264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645142459694753,0.06662981949056856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308264752384258,0.0,0.0,0.07301712677584651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26056804362166963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06068374652456601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939683591452735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05737465084403112,0.24533619229653494,0.06669717326251905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889553816329476,0.07497291707699584,0.0,0.13348866193427886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05180860294187941,0.0,0.0,0.1588801100829997,0.0,0.06590622208732648,0.0,0.0,0.0900177048259313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688567389063311,0.08519594609942667,0.08775124697168307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776509155408855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shronkosaurus,2020/04/15,"I think I have BPD? Okay so to start i don’t like to be one of those people that self diagnose themselves, however, I feel this is a better fit than my current diagnosis. I was diagnosed with anxiety and low mood but I’ve never felt that anxiety was a true fit for me. This is what I hate about the GP because they listen to you for 2 minutes and diagnose you, I didn’t even know what symptoms were symptoms so how can they get an accurate picture of me if I don’t know what to say? Upon looking at the bpd characteristics, they fit me to a T, minus the voices and hallucinations. Am I just being one of those people or should I talk to my GP about it? Does a diagnosis matter?",2.23404761904762,3.9225793571428578,4.637142857142859,82.59619047619049,76.85714285714286,7.809523809523809,25.23809523809524,8.59863814320734,1.7635952380952378,530,19,111,11,12,186,86,140,0.07200000000000001,0.789,0.139,0.8025,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,3,1,7,7,1,0,8,1,14,5,0,1,2,18,24,9,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,1,5,3,0,1,10,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,5,6,20,4,17,16,0,9,0,1,1,0,9,6,0,2,4,83,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520605070725889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042764401013524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570446578247545,0.0,0.0,0.4149836872181325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5016412239509015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417035135177406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088131917331972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330053722478817,0.0,0.1581820137791467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607299523918313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626525861997596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108020702440955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048658319646901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834516353909296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270622860531258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22327233214748954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22842829210748056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101264665807005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718660274945556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660808012744447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424683875425392,0.0,0.1324166095313943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556259676469812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ammababutterfly,2020/04/15,"Anyone else gave up on meeting new people ? I know corona isolation is a factor but even before that I noticed since my last traumatic experience in a relationship and struggles keeping friendships I completely gave up on thinking someone would understand and know how to work with me. Most people in my life serve a purpose and I only communicate with them when that is needed - suicide watch if I get unstable, sex if I need it, and school related matters. Outside of that I rarely even communicate with anyone besides “maintenance” to ensure the future needs can be served. I get surges of extreme loneliness and then hit up 20 people trying to get some form of consolation but due to my habits with people it can frequently just lead to a higher sense of isolation. I seem to be unable to actually care about the normal interactions that people have in their interpersonal relationships. I notice more and more that my attempts to have people in my life are purely selfish and in the end if they don’t understand me or respond perfectly I get extremely upset. I also notice that for over a year (since my last relationship that was really abusive) I did not get close to anyone. I get the increasing feeling that someone is going to hurt me and push them away. Every time someone I fuck starts talking about something more personal I try to brush it off because I’m really just scared of finding the emotional connection I had and getting fucked from it again. I’m working on it and trying to be open and shit it just gets extremely lonely. And its so tiring to keep having a list of things that come from the disorder that you need work on and figure out and every time you solve one you find another.",11.188498052580336,8.529578224683549,10.69379746835443,61.68800876338851,57.89240506329114,13.773709834469328,42.02921129503408,12.09199376347754,5.118898052580331,1373,56,225,32,13,450,174,316,0.188,0.745,0.067,-0.9940000000000001,0,4,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,3,4,6,13,11,3,3,12,0,17,7,1,2,2,57,49,25,1,9,10,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,18,22,0,2,10,0,0,5,2,9,0,1,5,3,33,2,44,39,7,37,0,2,1,3,17,18,3,7,14,163,51,5,0.0,0.09762436133674793,0.08040543643502583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589108951981454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639812895615903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728370738445672,0.08442320665627745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741262420196007,0.0,0.0,0.05022710358740761,0.0,0.07011190371894006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400698702920419,0.0,0.0,0.07097582201873895,0.08638937719483403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443157589493396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883028035708838,0.09268305676762392,0.07297733421160559,0.0,0.0,0.10884197287966194,0.0,0.13884234053022373,0.0,0.0,0.08059792194372506,0.0,0.0,0.041661285130356066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061470379185235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234532456326674,0.3443830463668423,0.0,0.04682686201443508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882053344886821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464725630547396,0.0,0.0,0.0905640514172208,0.13432551354370953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639576387440782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443787922915354,0.0,0.07957740853086162,0.0,0.0,0.0807294071441584,0.0,0.2814210680244597,0.0,0.0,0.05583284694920393,0.0626649560913511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427330672663933,0.0719439587639575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556843379912577,0.0,0.0,0.2653835302709162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249156584496824,0.08338793357341903,0.0,0.07500912880159882,0.0,0.0,0.0845770752388969,0.13631565530890788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20943853275537327,0.06343154029875303,0.0,0.0,0.058319461512995364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613693181926464,0.0,0.09012653487546987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622581689714271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054739442059049,0.0527952590635417,0.0,0.0,0.09609013764990536,0.09470069857022488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782197620375153,0.0,0.0,0.17155177930269402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17995318094764842,0.0,0.0,0.058530899879696126,0.0,0.0,0.05305954795100446 bpd,op3rav3ctra,2020/04/15,"Completely cut off from my ex-bf of 6 years Going through a messy horrible breakup right now. My ex-boyfriend, who I thought was my soulmate and who I was going to spend the rest of my life with, hates me and thinks I'm a worthless piece of shit. He never wants to talk to me again and won't even respond to text messages about our guinea pig's surgery. I've tried giving him space like he wants but it's already been a week and I'm going crazy. Anyone have any advice on how to handle this? I'm feeling very tempted to self-harm but promised myself I wouldn't.",3.796602564102564,4.539669974358977,3.930844017094017,92.92908653846158,71.47863247863249,6.5337606837606845,27.44551282051281,5.985473137389443,0.796966666666667,445,15,99,2,8,137,83,117,0.133,0.7709999999999999,0.09699999999999999,-0.47600000000000003,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,0,5,6,3,0,4,0,6,2,1,1,1,15,19,7,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,1,3,3,4,0,0,4,1,12,2,15,13,2,12,0,1,0,0,10,4,1,0,6,54,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22301650275493126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518493361045801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519920757595512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957856222993244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392870747815705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073888798324828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539621391181852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189319328176643,0.3891125227363415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253225880136656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120038573526704,0.11149804408232897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760193538961713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949008703532012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23808596599344026,0.0,0.2342672396150422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834366969054248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623583956576489,0.0,0.18118326743620244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549481779427985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188307562771448,0.2692232284475636,0.0,0.18306641945666235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469678846022236 bpd,thatsmymind,2020/04/15,"Do you ever get obsessed over things? To those who have BPD, do you guys ever get obsessed with things? I recently asked if you experience chronic boredom/emptiness (the post got removed because it was too short), and most said that they do. I’m curious - do you ever find things to obsess over because of the chronic boredom/emptiness? I can’t think of any generic examples so I’m gonna share some examples of my own obsessions. Sometimes I will become obsessed over a certain topic that I can research (whether it be relevant or not); I’ll spend days thinking about it and researching it. A current obsession of mine has to do with my Spotify playlists - I’ve been continuously making, deleting, remaking, re-deleting, renaming and reorganizing my playlists; it’s like I can’t stop. Sometimes I will become obsessed with a thought or idea. Does any of this resonate with you? I haven’t been diagnosed with BPD and I don’t believe that I have it, but I’m curious to see who relates.",6.3053623188405785,7.322868956521741,6.679130434782612,74.48688405797105,65.95652173913044,9.611594202898553,39.78985507246377,9.725611199111238,4.14416811594203,784,45,135,16,12,254,102,184,0.075,0.867,0.057999999999999996,0.4482,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,5,1,0,6,10,0,7,5,0,19,3,0,1,4,28,33,10,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,1,16,9,0,1,5,0,1,1,5,7,0,0,6,2,19,3,18,23,3,14,0,0,1,0,12,4,0,5,9,95,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983215871925124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631953190202867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777779784953568,0.32208759832939504,0.0,0.16428621183076805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3673036781071688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940401231302616,0.0,0.0,0.14800153381330086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760573959061308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957004050971829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426373417040566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327440988747655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236708675941124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662344994310332,0.0,0.0,0.1443820950368388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461003140940406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123898831908101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973342088080024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965270705110908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439770347737236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387056851215784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619754341388736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884341617270509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219098280981629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906236902900892,0.18686773122162068,0.0,0.11576268246436625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rrraining,2020/04/15,"Should I ask my bf about this? Yesterday my bf and I were talking about his ex because she recently came back into his life (read my last post for more info if curious) and we were scrolling through his messages with her and we got to the point where we met each other and around the time we met he was still talking to her. He wouldn’t scroll down any further and I asked if he talked to her while we were together and all he said was ‘not at the start’. Which makes me wonder how much did they talk while we were together and he never told me? Should I ask him further about this because it’s giving me so much anxiety that I actually feel sick. I’m starting to lose a little trust in him because he never told me this ever happened and I’m scared to know what they did or talked about if he wouldn’t even show me, but he showed past things. This is all LDR btw and she was as well. They never officially dated but were together for like 5 months but continued talking after ending it apparently. I’ve been with him for almost 9.",4.90378021978022,5.159024923809525,5.319523809523812,85.69598901098902,68.80952380952381,8.556776556776558,27.582417582417587,8.384062270229773,1.6123516483516478,814,24,174,11,13,260,120,210,0.036000000000000004,0.9159999999999999,0.048,0.546,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,6,0,3,1,13,5,0,1,4,0,16,2,0,2,6,46,36,21,0,7,8,1,1,1,2,4,2,1,0,0,11,21,0,0,4,3,0,1,6,2,1,0,18,2,33,3,22,14,6,32,0,1,0,0,47,10,0,6,21,122,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.11419881528990394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718291123597772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958052261246992,0.0,0.08952325307928617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041764188441838,0.32820571107632657,0.0,0.0,0.08998444702693527,0.0,0.2140107427845488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384459948331842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364877649430122,0.0,0.0,0.07729343255737069,0.10585516006731102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05917099161803744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226035172673887,0.0,0.0,0.093595006239359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348418338770583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431348325593626,0.09539040635825292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265770903415222,0.0571721515652548,0.11728907087868826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092023448218712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811461490062689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340766297287394,0.0,0.17205262001348987,0.0,0.2707690147086191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117129158210543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062576918768696,0.0,0.1120769107256622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705594737148907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155473575386882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131688756182614,0.0,0.11716171826909942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566077390826814,0.0,0.0934557403276187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5643580956646819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774573100943494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823779813402528,0.0,0.0,0.2236434269842483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521888081764702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690783858851354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Xx_DietDrKelp_xX,2020/04/15,"The “Favorite Person” and benefits/drawbacks of diagnosis. Hello everyone. I have a diagnosis that includes BPD. I’m new here, and I’m posting for two reasons. First, is a having “Favorite Person” characteristic of BPD? I’ve learned about all the DSM-5 PD’s and haven’t heard of this until browsing this sub. I feel like I identify with the idea and it makes sense considering the attachment style. Second, I had an interesting discussion with a Psych Doc about integrating your diagnosis into your identity and social structure. What I’m saying, as someone whose identity fluctuates constantly, is that being given a diagnosis can feel like a godsend. It can feel like part of your identity has finally been solidified. It’s not necessarily a good feeling but can provide a sense of stability. We may try to hang onto that feeling of stability by focusing on having the disorder and that can sometimes make things worse. What I’m not saying is that I can speak for anyone else with BPD. I’m also not saying you shouldn’t embrace your diagnosis as starting point for improvement. I am saying that integrating a BPD diagnosis into your identity could be counterproductive or even dangerous. It was for me.",5.995565939771545,8.527062990654214,7.3532087227414324,63.51917964693666,68.62616822429906,10.736863966770509,34.786085150571125,10.746095033038511,4.729831568016613,976,49,147,32,18,332,120,214,0.077,0.8190000000000001,0.10400000000000001,0.4131,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,6,0,1,5,6,1,0,14,0,22,0,0,3,1,31,37,12,0,2,5,0,5,3,0,2,0,6,0,2,16,12,0,0,8,0,0,1,5,1,0,3,5,11,14,5,24,27,2,13,0,0,0,0,19,5,0,2,9,109,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184441918417714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030484231090358,0.11767600805386387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5785913870500704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411058353174388,0.0,0.09169729698571873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162649614571384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959413050801023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585644625732277,0.0,0.0,0.10974280115740806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903546263348172,0.2461436828547452,0.0,0.1258110758419568,0.0,0.09769019799151456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632959370471147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296501397513012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832773881815524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332472348728196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109215361282061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436988962955499,0.0,0.0,0.200562812199335,0.0,0.0,0.10856909102635708,0.0,0.10999325393962248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180835341379946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653290058659507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707372941778448,0.09731088343854144,0.0,0.11358824567609305,0.0,0.08129046140881156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630033588786565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797469047333155,0.0,0.11219043711412086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704058012069565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Alexly814,2020/04/15,"How to stop wearing a mask in front of my therapist? Edit: omg you guys an emotional mask not a corona mask 😂😂 bad phrasing on my part! I'm going to take your advice and start a journal for when I have moods. Hopefully at one of our future sessions I'll be able to hand it to her and the floodgates will open. Thank you all for the kind words and relatable stories!! They really comfort me, I'm very new to this BPD thing 😊 Original post: I finally have a therapist that I'm planning to keep, but the problem is I can't seem to take the mask off. I find it really hard to discuss negative thoughts and emotions. I've hidden them so well for so long that there's a physical tug in my chest whenever I approach the topic. No one gets close (the last person that did turned into my FP and I couldn't separate myself again). I also tried telling a psychiatrist the truth once and he basically downplayed everything i said. So I don't give voice to it, I don't confess to splitting or emptiness or abandonment or anything even though I definitely have those. As a result, my therapist thinks I just have a lot of anxiety and a couple BPD-adjacent symptoms. But she won't say that I have BPD because I'm not presenting it all,, but I'm not presenting it all because I'm downplaying and hiding and only allowing her to see certain things. During most of our sessions I'm calling her an idiot in my head and I'm translating what I'm actually going through into anxiety-caused things rather than saying what they actually are. If that makes sense, maybe I'm just rambling. Can anyone help? Any tips? She's helped tremendously and I want her to keep helping, but I am blocked by my own ""rules for being human""",3.882130177514792,5.407863366863909,5.2249704142011835,80.7565680473373,72.13609467455622,8.750295857988167,29.86390532544379,9.265573868473778,2.687919526627219,1350,57,260,30,26,451,195,338,0.11599999999999999,0.784,0.1,-0.8855,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,2,3,3,1,14,12,1,0,18,0,18,5,4,5,5,56,47,27,0,6,14,0,2,0,0,2,1,4,0,3,17,15,0,5,5,0,0,4,10,4,1,2,3,7,38,7,32,39,7,27,1,1,1,0,29,10,0,8,12,170,55,3,0.10127566809081114,0.0,0.1976608857317505,0.0,0.0,0.09896541073780582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099011518233057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887092719239027,0.0,0.07747560888577694,0.0,0.0,0.07081430190566723,0.0,0.08334124559257036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456095256834506,0.12347341452278485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826594759126309,0.0,0.10341378041922973,0.0,0.0,0.10403800879597587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205960044848927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22784299053980714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689162362040674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910200401872448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094254407793608,0.0925641258715755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291235657839779,0.09715284917157443,0.11511459214939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002788339477582,0.0,0.0,0.0907231060408707,0.0,0.1039380534921238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20364883656542832,0.0,0.0,0.10058958989042016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800369342699545,0.0,0.1054630235968867,0.0,0.08255318657736897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962577930095042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610095135864414,0.0,0.0,0.06760229486906744,0.0,0.10174502097221244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978126713307381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785528123647113,0.13725402746644974,0.07702470923944893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096716793005396,0.0,0.0,0.08843000699227413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969940948506111,0.0,0.0,0.09690713678517238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975957258133228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633635224899513,0.16107695234697,0.0,0.0,0.0807035952634266,0.0921975645817923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168343913767909,0.0,0.0,0.08467099334814504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526419690708404,0.15229339698376732,0.0,0.08851939781713414,0.09324102836288987,0.0,0.3527665694246037,0.20184916123047444,0.06489335878034608,0.09950282969456918,0.08040156786220165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875953072421051,0.11015884484261572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356303262090961,0.059735013002041426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910589883324222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,congafla,2020/04/15,"Impulsive Buying... TL:DR - Just looking for someone to say it's okay to buy a spin bike... &#x200B; One of my worst 'side effects' is impulsively buying stuff. I see it, I want it, I have to have it. I have been working on working out and losing weight and this virus has me kicking myself because I can't go to the gym anymore. (I was never a gym freak until I started seeing progress) Anyways, I'm like super about to buy a spin bike for my living room... not a Peleton (because who's rich?) But a used spin bike similar to it. It has the screen and such. I've wanted one since I haven't been able to do spin classes, have been trying to convince myself it's not an impulsive buy because it's for my health and well being. It's kinda pricey... ($650 to be exact) My husband said ""just buy a bike and I'll ride with you"" but I hate biking outside... in the florida heat... in front of people... Ugh. Just looking for validation I suppose. Trying to make myself feel less guilty for spending this much on a bike that literally goes nowhere....",1.2071237458193984,3.5423371538461548,2.970610367892977,89.87221571906359,83.71153846153845,4.963545150501672,23.46655518394649,6.280692351149826,0.6278387959866216,800,30,161,7,23,265,119,208,0.084,0.858,0.059000000000000004,-0.8692,0,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,0,1,0,6,7,11,1,0,11,1,16,2,0,3,2,23,30,8,0,2,7,1,2,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,14,7,1,0,2,8,8,3,5,5,1,2,5,9,19,6,25,23,3,13,0,1,5,0,5,7,0,1,4,106,33,3,0.16482154566699156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17858407586847092,0.2002762186025756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634586844311656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014210532609615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333872582256205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367188271656174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272715323615822,0.0,0.17519759564106516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052348175504119,0.0,0.1455404444946526,0.0,0.2768171739865101,0.1843931498827636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001966159299403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116280067534607,0.0,0.12712053694436815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233746899181652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426650679748868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678303368348545,0.13107270856683076,0.0,0.0,0.2626828647582755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363420857945922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965276077750988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166615383549365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18868123657939448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22380602067496275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235289571147233,0.0,0.0,0.19443203602677805,0.0,0.0,0.20070823943946786,0.1481943638265084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23998409652140906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002762186025756,0.0 bpd,DefiantRanger9,2020/04/15,"My therapist thinks I have “mild BPD.” What does this look like and how do I accept it? Please help! I’ve been seeing my therapist for only 6 months and today she tells me she thinks I have “mild” BPD. Well, it makes me hate myself even more and I don’t want to continue seeing her even though she’s the only therapist I’ve gotten along with. She is just a counselor and I’m not even sure qualified to diagnose. Should I see someone else to receive a proper diagnosis? If so, who? I am scared of BPD and I’m sorry for all the stigma it carries but I am going to hate myself even more if I have this on top of everything else. Literally the only thing she’s basing it off of, is that I self injure sometimes (impulsivity?), have some suicidal ideation and acted on it twice (risk taking and destructive behaviors?), I am also irritable and have a lot of social isolation. Like wtf? TLDR; How do I accept a diagnosis of “mild” BPD when I already hate myself? For those of you lower on the spectrum, how does mild BPD present itself as? Could I really have this and not know it? I really feel awful....",2.509423963133642,4.585220437788023,4.519841013824888,81.98261866359448,77.3410138248848,7.6579723502304144,22.37073732718894,8.548686976883017,1.5369541013824883,853,25,166,18,20,292,117,217,0.196,0.725,0.08,-0.9874,1,1,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,0,1,13,12,4,2,8,1,17,2,0,4,2,34,35,20,1,5,6,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,15,11,0,0,6,0,0,3,3,6,1,1,2,5,28,6,20,31,5,13,0,0,4,0,13,5,0,4,7,121,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479450819597463,0.07594222194846459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5980155887957898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582057289511851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638588411871793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662062778968144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586595233360397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508898038254601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534700905285217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048016364353428174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396990661659898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812701851220828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365198646436146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052189418504079536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278867179200218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079745365400248,0.0,0.0,0.08073451362961684,0.0,0.0,0.06338882800221418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579890510640892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21667190686454296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042413309235048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167201193287484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950749615453102,0.0,0.2270206801065757,0.0,0.09906756992317667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680325949855406,0.08046220743441779,0.0,0.09392126207007123,0.10630378691574394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387458099172486,0.0,0.08950191044553876,0.0,0.07140068222516925,0.0,0.08300222490904463,0.0,0.0,0.3307795902120951,0.06308948430627069,0.12169746503962366,0.0933010894002756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001422938283088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056011892380727776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538352966624907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SincerelyMe-Vodka,2020/04/15,"I'm helpless I'm helpless. I'm in a relationship with someone I've known for a long time, he has obvious relationship issues from the beginning. Now we're getting further and further apart. I feel alone and broken. I can't eat or sleep, I'm shaking and it hurts physically. Even breathing is difficult for me. I don't know what to do with my mind. I'm so afraid of losing him and then being alone, I feel like I can't stand it anymore. I ask myself what is so wrong with me that everyone always leaves me, I am in therapy, working hard on myself and yet I am always alone and the only person who always seems to lose him is me. What do you want me to do? I can't do it anymore. I don't have anybody to talk to right now, so I'm just gonna leave it out here. I hope that's okay. I'm just so helpless now.",0.09411978221415396,2.122347758620691,2.697670901391412,92.03284029038116,85.7816091954023,5.502238354506957,21.226860254083483,6.8360192770164,0.4425793103448279,626,21,142,8,19,217,93,174,0.218,0.732,0.05,-0.9775,0,3,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,3,12,13,0,2,4,1,17,3,2,0,1,22,34,12,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,10,10,1,0,5,0,0,1,5,10,0,0,0,3,22,3,16,32,0,18,0,6,0,0,10,8,0,3,9,89,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4214561589063974,0.0,0.0,0.3385978785099817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690430950547737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680802640844144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879679664666694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959101538597014,0.0,0.0,0.12961283413726596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371704954756646,0.09690348707255284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086794273710814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150961135724372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472424509653813,0.0,0.0,0.14520878793766873,0.0,0.0,0.14157619806711902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454592294929026,0.0,0.0,0.2872530021078682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626838711982284,0.0,0.0,0.12003991139305208,0.0,0.3034999573378357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696090495273336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103162721086443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843835876947285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29125994092949137,0.0,0.11583850131953415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348442121647675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357411009093681,0.0,0.11492999323736587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902481870923583,0.0,0.0,0.15511975321348165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909460636248067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800058389869066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987498221901342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830448112674802,0.0,0.0 bpd,macockkk,2020/04/15,"Anyone originally diagnosed with MDD and/or anxiety, but turned out to be BPD? I was diagnosed with depression at the age of like 13. I have been going to therapy on and off for 12 years. I have been given different medications at different dosages and different combinations on and off for years. Some have helped, but it never lasts for more than 6 months. I have always felt like there is something more than depression and anxiety. CBT doesn't really do much for me either. I am not trying to self diagnose, I have just been reading up on BPD due to another failed medication. A lot of it seems to click with me, but as many know, there is so much overlap between BPD and MDD. I am just looking to see if anyone else was originally diagnosed with depression but years down the road, found out it was BPD. If so, what was the changing factor or what caused the diagnosis change?",5.3197389558232935,6.819488102409643,6.08331325301205,76.08693775100404,68.57831325301207,10.593574297188756,30.09839357429719,10.686352973137794,3.4345598393574304,699,27,130,21,12,229,95,166,0.131,0.8320000000000001,0.037000000000000005,-0.9575,3,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,5,0,19,6,0,3,1,32,28,15,0,2,11,0,1,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,11,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,10,4,9,2,31,17,7,24,0,4,3,0,2,13,0,6,12,96,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418280179708201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608715054507814,0.15479185792717906,0.0,0.0,0.1414829456320249,0.10366216887158976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5096879054953836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393101072826634,0.21405208745801185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614166224178861,0.4107478159115837,0.0,0.317108087075225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451581535993243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097140516330412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092933976727004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057498101175313024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781313119063062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05560121655844029,0.08246828461173865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988545797664688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495858850783228,0.0,0.0,0.08601240068826949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257203261396304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20383930701302408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075413481345206,0.0,0.14874540299345546,0.0,0.07802970627593771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011988894048094,0.0,0.06481306056372416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062059551313984,0.09210274383914313,0.10554395061493936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788677192760315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569843996406948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868881486748422,0.11004555179062753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19545340805429795 bpd,PiIsKindOfTasty,2020/04/15,"I think I might have BPD Hi, so I think I might have BPD. I went down a rabbit hole, and read a bit about it. A lot of the symptoms matched up to what I was experiencing, and what my friends and family were complaining about. I want to get help, or at least see a psychiatrist or something like that to see if I really have it or not, but I have no idea where to turn to, or how to get help. If I ask my parents, they'll make fun of me and refuse to get help, as I've vented to them about being suicidal in the past, and all they've done is make fun of me for it afterwards. I'd appreciate any input. Thanks.",4.590616883116887,3.3432850530303067,5.977922077922081,85.79045454545457,69.68181818181819,9.967099567099568,27.190476190476193,9.23628265651192,1.6330658008658014,465,11,117,8,7,159,78,132,0.073,0.6990000000000001,0.228,0.9642,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,0,6,6,0,0,6,0,12,1,0,3,1,25,26,15,1,3,8,1,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,3,16,5,20,18,4,8,0,0,2,0,11,5,0,9,3,79,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716063665284294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731717342155728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203788446016255,0.0,0.3969360728510864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126030415113665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485535545079792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174686349513685,0.0,0.2469890583251733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168701202322908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778900221099299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698622677285011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396992229004345,0.0,0.0,0.21037338257769014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343375546236577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17497530182039736,0.0,0.15042910989697106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762386866211514,0.0,0.10095056779744327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511436683418927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213137256845152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723682836217298,0.0,0.0,0.16378722949093272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507962022380147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019433721871427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140312215196624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294548926113336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607937426246226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hell-etc,2020/04/15,"abandonment i’m TERRIFIED of abandonment and ppl always make me feel like i’m overreacting, i sometimes try and distance myself before i’m abandoned but i feel like a hypocrite. i cant stand the thought of being alone, i sometimes try hard not to be alone , doing anything to not be alone. i feel like every time i’m angry and lash out at someone , they’re gonna leave me and i tell them that i know they’ll leave me. i cant stand the thought of being alone",2.0309456264775427,4.135156042553195,3.2960992907801447,90.03388888888891,79.0,5.879905437352246,24.274231678487002,6.937597516519254,0.8793962174940901,364,13,75,4,9,118,52,94,0.287,0.628,0.085,-0.94,0,4,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,0,6,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,1,0,18,20,5,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,3,6,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,4,14,3,7,12,0,5,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,39,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6165936564971847,0.0,0.0,0.12384283607006627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247871445543525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664782030576385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540010227645035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257666960826445,0.3189837587068979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333271337653315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179595119845316,0.0,0.0,0.31519004141926793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218140129375305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993486731681242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261076091911427,0.0,0.2944037005578118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300885530558756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363170985013877,0.08678702075346602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20209870562364296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ericscott627,2020/04/15,Very shaken up Just came down from an intense shrooms trip and came to a profound realization that if I keep living the way I have been chasing after temporary highs and abusing drugs that I will die soon. I think I have this disorder and I hope I can get better and stay sober from here on.,4.66,5.678097931034486,4.916724137931039,85.63818965517244,69.6896551724138,7.868965517241381,28.29310344827586,8.07648339933343,1.6894,232,8,47,3,4,73,45,58,0.188,0.6970000000000001,0.115,-0.6724,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,11,11,5,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,7,2,7,7,0,11,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,2,33,10,0,0.0,0.2796023453875189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087085916735364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5398054532136185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449140418864157,0.0,0.2704580059457379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736664160703736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329185327999427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24932995769815225,0.0,0.2343852695331985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097533423228165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20837811626273595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25152744977234875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120896113817964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19471144027130252,0.0,0.18731304388717296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,vanilla36,2020/04/15,"DAE feel like you have an “emotion” switch? So in the Vampire Diaries you know how they can shut their “humanity” off like a switch? And they suddenly start feeling invincible and confident and not sad or grieving anymore. Does that ever feel like it’s happening to you? It’s the best way I can describe it. Especially if I’ve had a huge fight with my FP. I’ll be at the lowest point you can imagine sobbing uncontrollably and feeling an emptiness so bad that it hurts... then after a while I feel like I’m the baddest bitch and nothing will ever be able to hurt me and I have no emotions and I’m literally invincible. It doesn’t last forever but it happens. Anyone else?",3.1559669211195884,5.3673896793893165,4.611011450381678,81.44771310432573,75.87022900763358,7.420101781170484,30.00063613231552,8.344100000000001,2.381411704834606,532,25,101,10,12,177,85,131,0.13,0.6920000000000001,0.17800000000000002,0.5562,1,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,4,3,1,5,14,2,1,9,0,10,0,0,1,2,22,21,15,1,1,4,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,8,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,1,5,12,5,7,17,1,15,0,5,0,0,9,6,2,2,12,66,20,0,0.15514384373155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538610045872917,0.10848018281114108,0.15896320195420138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295386291531623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281389238174293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576742314539278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296027738144979,0.3490318848150266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806729776157318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39222694470797625,0.3325043788830752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743863772827949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33216938695184395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526299915282759,0.12646293941419945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031817817159645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886470231302634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666107924826224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981161111417248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314596180259267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Astaroth_Ichor,2020/04/15,"DAE get so furious when you try to explain a bad mood of yours and the person listening to you says ""omg same""? Today I was in a pretty low mood and I was irritated by the smallest thing. A while ago my boyfriend sent me a beautiful Japanese song (Hollowness by Minami) and it really touched the whole ""lost identity"" side of me. Then I explained to him how beautifully she has expressed her identity crisis and how it relates to me perfectly. He fucken said ""ikr same here"" and I got so furious, like, IT'S NOT THE SAME BRUH! UPDATE: This post was a result of an impulsive action. And now that I've calmed down, I can see the real reason why I got mad when he threw a ""same"" at my face. In that time, I was trying to share a moment with him (which I don't often do) about me really not knowing what the fuck I actually am, and how I'm slowly making progress with that. And when he said ""same"" I got so mad because deep down I'm a bit jealous of how put together he is inside as a human being. He too has identity issues to some extent but from where I'm looking at, he's so much more put together and I fucking envy that about him. It made me so mad at that time and this was the only place I could rant about it. I guess we need to talk. Thank you all for commenting and challenging my brain to some long overdue reality check. I really needed that.",1.9743478260869551,3.8455795072463808,4.106904347826088,85.2815739130435,78.20289855072464,7.749333333333332,22.99652173913044,8.608573733854374,1.5394749565217398,1048,33,219,23,25,360,154,276,0.125,0.7959999999999999,0.078,-0.9206,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,4,0,4,20,19,8,0,17,0,14,4,2,8,2,43,40,27,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,2,16,14,0,0,4,1,1,5,3,11,0,0,14,8,32,6,29,24,13,31,0,2,2,2,29,12,2,4,14,152,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.1348179528132788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246480172049452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535245803437988,0.08421713234361614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15082791405392112,0.0,0.0,0.15422507125776444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030438184745174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554414936220294,0.07217953684682844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33148208506464216,0.0,0.15219172997459618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419643085912015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592558757151098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749485458663577,0.0,0.0,0.12226155963954526,0.11601420168430095,0.0,0.15081093860397524,0.0,0.0,0.13072424581230885,0.09221857896656484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015587681338685,0.2048782392615322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507201338552434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063036615288515,0.1443410733621768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323129283198985,0.1405518450690937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777649868571805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724900527594454,0.26551413854963635,0.14204487664977236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628313587410415,0.10986526181154456,0.0,0.0,0.11009050635189868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104260424821807,0.0,0.12719324327170564,0.0,0.0,0.09178309133991963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611169122124577,0.0,0.13095342794735246,0.0,0.0,0.1875944071447769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466210609410512,0.15424352416518314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fsuinbfuon,2020/04/15,"Exhausted and out of spoons I'm just...tired. I have so much I've tried to do and just couldnt escape the past. It is exhausting living with a heavy conscience that grows heavier still with even most recent actions. I should be restricting myself better, but because I don't feel connected to this world and am so exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, I justify it. ""I'll be gone soon I hope, so why not try or say things I need to?"". I'm not here anymore. Im slipping away into the shame and the messes I've made. I let this diagnosis (BPD) consume me and become me and the effects I've had on others because I couldn't control myself or my emotions are vast, abusive and downright unforgivable. I think I've tried to convince myself I'm not horrible for years, when I am. And now I have, and I'm devastated. I proverbially drained my own blood and energy like a vampire. And I just...i don't want to do it anymore. There is no hope. There is no love or positivity any longer. I'm out of spoons, I'm out of tethering energy. And I'm ok with that. I've said it before. No one will believe me until it becomes truth. And it's not for me. None of this was. When I CTB sometime soon, i will be at peace knowing people won't have to worry anymore. That I wont be out here hurting others. A permanent solution to a PERMANENT problem. And that's ok. We all aren't meant to live. And I'm one of those.",1.4443829296424475,3.6706718062283774,3.723401384083047,85.52567877739334,81.80276816608995,6.898316032295273,24.858246828143024,8.021203637495839,1.6035826066897347,1108,44,228,22,30,381,145,289,0.149,0.6779999999999999,0.17300000000000001,0.8635,0,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,1,0,0,3,15,16,0,1,8,2,28,5,1,3,2,53,48,26,0,8,9,0,1,1,0,5,3,2,0,0,17,25,0,2,5,0,0,3,15,7,0,2,6,3,26,9,27,30,5,23,0,1,0,1,4,10,0,6,11,155,43,0,0.0,0.15296186023972014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779212331049795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3840962006034356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212932800976278,0.0,0.0,0.15739577896303233,0.2851606277421317,0.10985421129469976,0.1454509876754951,0.0,0.11417806380039527,0.0,0.0,0.1625963681375855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479612667314218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904392424545945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526903744038802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527661319631982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25644997212664034,0.0,0.0,0.1382037419934122,0.0,0.139449671244633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094973829247088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320130400930633,0.0,0.06307152071098401,0.0,0.22799454169542585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651738730824095,0.1221571189044585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301019852676976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490302611905492,0.0957256830165263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749623969855373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324013161985042,0.08950137516375352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235308373088257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274702342762595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280323876432207,0.10266514652417004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768275935952875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309907009369827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576800678832933,0.0827217809942018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629503672826487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614626143742217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649226677415594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110686309850686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313587968138852 bpd,cndyflower,2020/04/15,"being too picky and rejecting too many guys? someone else like that? So basically what I do is making accounts on dating apps, chatting with strangers just to get validation attention, chasing after them, but as soon as they wanna meet me I just dont do it because I feel like none of them is good enough and I'll get bored. at the same time I think I am not good enough for them (depends on my mood) everytime I'm thinking about the meet up I'm thinking about how I dont know how to behave around them when it happens because sometimes I just want it to end up completely sexual with no feelings other times I just want to have a romantic relationship. I can't really decide what I want. I currently have a fp who doesn't want me to meet other guys which brings me to feel bad about it and I try to stay loyal. on the other side i dont trust him because I feel like he cheats on me anyways and I still want to do it. I'm really confused and I'm kinda tired of my splitted mindset, what is wrong with me ? someone else ever felt that way or similar? What can I do..",2.300291866028708,4.0408178999999995,3.943971291866028,87.40964114832536,76.81818181818181,6.9952153110047846,24.760765550239235,7.85451343220497,1.2980909090909092,838,29,176,13,19,280,118,220,0.132,0.732,0.136,-0.7058,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,5,0,18,14,1,1,5,0,17,1,0,4,1,41,40,13,0,6,7,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,16,9,0,0,11,1,1,1,8,6,0,0,1,5,29,7,29,38,4,22,0,1,0,0,15,9,0,4,13,123,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467645270156976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817938250518188,0.21503796774029094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232866638361097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4134296817388064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19645599752366275,0.0,0.10414627773401362,0.24299550202526898,0.0,0.0,0.10636325167383699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378200200824537,0.1680068965395173,0.11290098163510162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286764370499245,0.0,0.0,0.19725108394666893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23285721592062836,0.10398089460097172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646221799789681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17233971235232642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848955533955099,0.11921372881151295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065718068720735,0.0,0.0,0.12624333819176636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992604401187404,0.0,0.11629554180354668,0.0,0.0,0.12533101035666322,0.09390431626111066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22603304599456303,0.0,0.0,0.1371306621610626,0.1351477874801746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983316250361379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467762904952701,0.09333427848375617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856181118824594,0.0,0.0 bpd,emotional-vampire,2020/04/15,"Anyone have any advice for how to get over people who have moved on ? It’s been almost 2 years since me and my best friend stopped being friends. Over the last few months of our relationship my friend had been spending less and less time with me, while I became more and more jealous of the people she was hanging with, and would blame myself and constantly worry that I wasn’t good enough for her. I don’t want to get into the details but I eventually had a big self harm episode over our fallout and she doesn’t want to hang out with me. Her words were essentially she still cares about me but that she’s got her own life to live and she can’t deal with the baggage and attention that I require. It’s been 2 years and I still think about her. Almost every other day she pops into my head and I miss her. I’ve tried making new friends but things haven’t really been working out. Either there’s no real connection or I’ll become too attached too soon and get clingy, or i’ll second guess myself and worry that I’m becoming too clingy and then distance myself or start idolising the person and then feel hurt when they don’t live up to my expectations ect ect. Regardless anyone have any advice or tips for how to get over people you still care about who just aren’t in your life ?",5.36794260700389,5.7850751595330765,5.321067607003894,85.52222397859923,67.83268482490273,8.137062256809338,25.401021400778212,7.865858978985527,1.1780819066147858,1024,24,210,11,16,319,138,257,0.096,0.805,0.099,-0.1995,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,2,1,3,15,12,1,0,6,0,20,3,1,3,0,49,36,27,0,5,9,0,1,0,4,1,2,0,0,2,10,22,0,2,3,0,1,3,8,4,0,1,10,1,34,8,29,24,9,33,0,2,0,0,26,12,0,7,18,146,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21772585408846826,0.0,0.0,0.2231104938794082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151739716975327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155792859840071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24607444530057396,0.0,0.0,0.11691186933195433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22716808028578275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038839868442824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184651397726563,0.11485287237485875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511035281269975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386287104211673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056329327476127136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442825359488007,0.0,0.2328164545971885,0.0,0.0,0.0934405850171966,0.08910014201925047,0.0,0.12272432236192388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433288307578687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926053543494808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080931873713778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573762086215186,0.0,0.0,0.1967439573390002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436319052776617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892179584117044,0.11840506902747786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075949023370453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317010039721401,0.09727387910535423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268024065289103,0.07136840426316897,0.0,0.0,0.11960645426264745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162189112734922,0.0,0.0,0.09215473267318187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885248943996828,0.0,0.2669026928982675,0.09313892705444764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740120221437419,0.07138333413556397,0.0,0.0,0.06496070409219985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563616137214713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314182058953134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110360836808729,0.22627281239707214,0.0,0.0791383707074721,0.0,0.0,0.14348134691071432 bpd,lunareym,2020/04/15,"DAE Obsess Over Response Times/Snapscores? So I (F/21) started talking to this guy from Tinder for about 2 weeks now, and at the beginning of us talking (over Snapchat) he was messaging me first constantly, good morning, good night, etc. This past week he had a family member fall ill and hasn’t been doing this. Significant changes in patterns of behavior have a tendency to really affect me, so I’ve been trying to figure out how to navigate messaging first and what to say without coming across as “clingy.” He always responds fairly quickly and will let me know if he can’t talk which has been a lot recently, but then he’ll post something on just story or his snap score will go up and it’s been causing me to obsess over the reasoning behind it and if he’s just avoiding me? But then why would he respond? He’s been super sweet with everything too, but DAE feel this way?",8.610892857142858,7.184659732142857,8.263095238095236,73.22357142857145,61.79761904761904,11.495238095238097,37.07142857142857,10.411451182825502,3.746021428571428,697,27,127,13,8,223,115,168,0.053,0.855,0.092,0.8276,0,2,1,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,3,9,7,0,3,5,0,16,1,0,4,0,28,23,18,0,3,9,0,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,1,8,9,0,1,4,0,0,3,3,3,0,2,7,3,8,4,24,11,2,28,0,0,0,0,19,9,0,4,14,87,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659739660225625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686413992960548,0.17366348743370275,0.14141254049318452,0.0,0.1774027009360485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18308598364213025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475397993368153,0.0,0.15475897977914066,0.0,0.08300612804370389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792752154652369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329804618587942,0.2753855411358547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16254792909282187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022010752396302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786856383690588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956615554146334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540565650669274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671288145103945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572235000300583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516750630573524,0.16878768349998413,0.1620919050483559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054960851570846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638128035592494,0.0,0.0,0.1161959520605451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958458280844781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145641492438337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974687865673107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030554901144714,0.2633645271158386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813225653842674,0.0,0.0,0.1582480034277239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166172227939082,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cellogal,2020/04/15,"Lamictal and Birth control? Hey friends, I was recently prescribed lamictal. My psychiatrist said it WOULD effect my nexplanon implant, so I got nervous to take it. Now after online research it seems like Nexplanon would actually be fine with Lamictal (maybe making Lamictal less effective, but not the other way around). I'm uneasy because of what my doctor told me, but everything else online is reassuring. I'm mainly reading that Lamictal is fine with most birth controls, but if there are issues it may be with the pill not impacts or hormonal IUDs. I was curious if anyone by chance had an experience with this medication and birth control, or had any information their doctors told them about it. There is too much conflicting info and I'm overthinking it now... &#x200B; Thanks :)",6.8126270053475935,9.346291639705887,6.9318181818181825,67.38590909090911,66.42647058823529,10.23957219251337,36.6283422459893,10.436869588844218,4.68830294117647,637,33,92,18,11,204,92,136,0.057,0.772,0.171,0.9384,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,2,5,8,7,0,1,3,0,13,4,0,6,0,31,24,11,0,4,9,0,0,1,1,3,4,1,0,0,10,8,0,4,5,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,8,1,9,6,10,11,4,9,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,7,8,67,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.15027970753024444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685662877140128,0.18712426904021529,0.10472383301828596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767889195624172,0.0,0.0,0.13709075453811878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938756727389497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5181651207289857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152466926121129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864546055473006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840335651731886,0.15063946760659833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897837304260285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316616532523487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073376730787547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523558098470817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102794774633198,0.0,0.1547115600312884,0.0,0.0,0.15513665352555658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320615432744074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154039544902514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520543190638668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648724037548996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019387790415996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578723363897007,0.0,0.0,0.14178054925050368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29430313014136594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223634190287334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218791338133228,0.0,0.18712426904021529,0.0 bpd,qeridap,2020/04/15,I feel like i could die right now and nobody would notice nor care I feel like a ghost. Nobody listens to me. I feel. So. Fucking. Alone. Even on this sub the times I’ve posted I get like nobody listening really.(I have another account.) I haven’t been this sad like ever. Maybe I take things too personally but god I feel like shit. I just want to be noticed and important and loved. I have “friends” but there’s always someone they like more and would rather see than me. Someone else they’d rather talk to. I’ve always been told I’m quiet in school and that I have a soft voice and I just want death.I’m so ready to throw in the towel on life because I can hardly stand it anymore. I’ve literally been talking to 2 people recently. Not even my boyfriend has been talking to me really. I can’t do this anymore. I’ve already self harmed. Tried not to so hard but it happened and I don’t even care. Does anyone else deal with this kinda stuff? How do you conquer these thought? I guess I should get in contact with my therapist but who knows when I can talk to her,0.3994444444444447,2.84705264814815,1.6948518518518512,95.73533333333334,91.96296296296295,4.546666666666667,19.237037037037037,6.2581,0.0015714814814815625,836,26,178,9,30,265,123,216,0.11199999999999999,0.731,0.157,0.84,1,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,2,1,16,14,2,0,4,0,21,4,1,1,1,35,43,17,2,8,10,0,7,6,1,3,1,4,0,2,11,9,0,0,6,0,1,1,6,4,0,0,6,12,27,10,16,31,1,14,0,1,1,2,18,6,2,2,11,109,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870228352413036,0.11582104509845252,0.0,0.1746628293959065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100550319138648,0.0,0.0,0.2081753808610173,0.0733873518932143,0.107539350852633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397992126725427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21401833003069032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379845608181734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820455019020403,0.0,0.0,0.10892727718991738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184729781799916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535376732946292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20796642722872216,0.09493829214439037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21227469251888728,0.22494077007234556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108838762668459,0.0970297028379293,0.10966987253198776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156203569313292,0.0,0.09281183485565016,0.0,0.18803909178504366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05768081837761031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413319977297637,0.3076558435719574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947264699900032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544194402165903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389851493071248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276295430556465,0.0916431266907972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005183921723578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723720462022388,0.0,0.103630930977241,0.0,0.0,0.0896314552345379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062206068757656,0.08363597444671904,0.0,0.10949151516994368,0.0,0.10773535060373084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778569720190874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014897961198237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891350203768846,0.3374371403730375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186146804549923,0.06972779521432372,0.0,0.0,0.08332297282729173,0.0612004177256788,0.0,0.0,0.10028951349042417,0.0,0.07125792024317171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381099019704415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911480449943193,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sadluk,2020/04/15,"Different Stages of friendship I feel like the same patterns has been repeating themselves my whole life. I know how to make a good first impression if I want to, I will get close with a person and eventually we’ll be good friends. But after between half a year and two years they all turn on me. It’s like they move on in their social life and I can’t keep up. They always make new friends before me. But I don’t know how to deal with it and go being best friends to just being friends who don’t hang out. I hate myself I hate everything I thought I would be able to write a proper text explaining this because rn its all i think about but im just a mess i dont know anything anymore. I hate my life and i dont have a reason to I have always had everything I could’ve wanted but I hate all this shit that I never use. I have never in my life been accepted by the people around me because nobody understands me. With the virus now I have no idea how my future look like because I am graduating and my grades are mediocre and I don’t want to stay in contact with my friends because i live 40 minutes away but I am the only one in the friend group who does not live there and they have all known each other since childhood and I knew non of them before high school. One of my closest has started to question who the fuck I really am because I never open up about my past because I don’t have contact with any of my past friends and I am ashamed because it makes me such a fucking looser. Meeting new people has also become a problem. Everyone is such good friends and all they talk about is their social life how the fuck am I supposed to join that conversation when we have no friends in comon... I’m to shy and often my friends starts to bully me if I’m silent and I just shut down and try my best to defend myself but everyone sees that I am weak. Worst part is nobody sees my struggle. Many of my friends know I am depressed but we don’t talk about it and they have no idea how bad it is, also nobody knows about my social anxiety but it is there all the time. I have always tried so fucking hard to look cool and trendy and handsome but fuck me it never worked nobody gives a fuck. My relationship with my parents suck as well but even tho I have been watching Netflix 6 hours a day and laying in my bed for whole weekends it took them 3 years to act but they don’t really care I fucking hate them when I think about how wrong they have done me. We moved across the city and I hate it here I have nothing to do here and it sucks it’s just a fucking posh neighborhood with big houses. My dad told me that if I hate him that much I should move out but I am afraid to live alone and I don’t know where what to do. I’m sorry for posting this I know it probably will stay zero likes zero comments just out here with all these other miserable people’s texts please help me I’m loosing my mind I don’t know anymore I have zero control Ita fucking 4 am and I have internet school in 4 hours and ive just been playing video games all night fuck me.",1.5863223012681722,3.5865194654088057,2.7623930302092994,93.82784874729354,79.97484276729558,5.491246520259821,22.06144963398289,6.480989288636888,0.3066932467264665,2404,74,527,21,61,770,260,636,0.183,0.679,0.138,-0.9921,2,1,0,0,0,1,25.0,4,0,13,6,37,58,20,4,20,1,61,17,1,12,12,118,120,51,0,9,22,2,2,4,11,5,6,0,1,1,28,41,0,2,21,5,0,7,19,31,1,8,10,8,98,27,60,101,17,63,0,2,5,10,55,25,13,5,31,366,126,5,0.047102708289273036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04878420035412336,0.0,0.07533603760238372,0.11757967984789125,0.0,0.0,0.032031456857397465,0.0,0.036033442915511776,0.0,0.0934264594953554,0.0,0.0,0.038761515511223546,0.04193139673152586,0.0,0.0,0.044254544964113074,0.0,0.039328793940103336,0.2009936164712616,0.05202124063365852,0.08016187095155568,0.0,0.09886277268685166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04802435033186033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05282969257100093,0.037607679786727716,0.0,0.0,0.030377350136748464,0.04856082397326013,0.04056949362927629,0.0,0.0,0.04921230486187368,0.0,0.0,0.0412198974434926,0.04820242429094312,0.11040804662472348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03111089458884288,0.0,0.0,0.09001731262523728,0.0846657540204702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0238165445890852,0.03365018421342278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04006553960842596,0.0,0.0,0.4003057913906975,0.4354569481050341,0.02460922098855449,0.04518520983635567,0.02676955460313236,0.1185225508205522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04219477471240339,0.3255292091228784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031571952483821865,0.049766597425755364,0.0,0.0,0.09277335909377853,0.0543502012351496,0.0,0.10634644859446216,0.05087900781773888,0.0,0.0,0.04186705136622106,0.0,0.0,0.20709133306834304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635017928645046,0.09204801608176873,0.0,0.1247776631431444,0.0,0.07910882368553583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432427062484162,0.04775475314292076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0475603078994044,0.0,0.0,0.1501881736788946,0.03462591029969395,0.0,0.14531404969017894,0.09098417836266667,0.0,0.044202700904515765,0.0,0.045196318970625086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383602832896673,0.03582373218331812,0.0,0.0,0.052301983325529884,0.05100764295186834,0.08992972968929627,0.0979652614311256,0.041128268042039055,0.0,0.05170462902379208,0.0,0.0,0.045111374149946835,0.0,0.050784686223027016,0.04507093047312916,0.0,0.0,0.0527658132451911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06035040212777225,0.04842942906636023,0.0,0.050570681006195016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534091096464624,0.07506952019670048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04835025317483253,0.03896384704284355,0.0,0.0,0.14404583795096262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05272762557431459,0.06667907872691305,0.1004104396432114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049241977798368856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571874540807813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036302709553016,0.0,0.03739428895811042,0.02746596799342116,0.0,0.0,0.04500865631261863,0.05233284204278467,0.06395929405088073,0.05123422073555101,0.046012501707416616,0.049035580495360914,0.0,0.04068161655502315,0.0,0.0,0.08334719321431099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042350991559912066,0.0,0.0,0.1051769833405692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03429133262513895,0.0,0.0,0.033460412525976965,0.05149941720729538,0.0,0.09099779944601542 bpd,throwawaytokiw,2020/04/15,"Is my boyfriend reasonable? I am in a long distance relationship with someone on a different continent. My boyfriend is generally kind and understanding. We had a long history where I was quite abusive and he dealt with a lot of stress from unhealthy relationshop patterns with me, to the point where it affected his health. We broke up for many years, but got together again two years ago. I'd like to think since then I've grown up quite a lot - I was a teenager back then, and in my thirties now. Since getting back together, he has been setting boundaries. Whenever I am upset about something, he is very quick to say 'you're manic right now, so I will not talk to you'. He would then just ignore me for the whole day. We already have a huge time gap, so we generally only spend 30 minutes with each other per day and send memes and short messages to each other the rest of the day. Part of my problem is this - he is not generous with his free time, and well, a list of other things. He doesn't listen to me when I talk about my interest, he took a trip on Valentine's day for four days, contacting me only sparingly when I had expressed to him what the day means to me (to which he selfishly replied 'well Valentine's day is just another day to me). My point is, he's not perfect. So my question is, given all these background, should I just let it be when he ignores me when he thinks I am manic? Usually when I get upset it's not about something unreasonable. In the grand scheme of things, it could sometimes mean that he only spends 5 hours an entire week with me because he ignores me due to 'imposing boundary'. I get wanting to do that, but I genuinely think it's excessive, I even think it's excessive to go one whole day not talking, which he imposes on me if I get even slightly upset. Usually this results in me being fully angry and upset, and then I can be very unreasonable, and he would extend the time imposed to ignore me. Am I supposed to be ok with that kind of boundary setting? I know I have a part in this, but is his reaction and extent of boundary setting justified?",5.667439024390244,5.986203060975613,6.232341463414635,79.58997560975612,67.17073170731706,9.486829268292682,33.47317073170731,9.3871,2.937153170731708,1645,70,321,30,25,536,191,410,0.138,0.773,0.09,-0.9516,1,0,2,0,0,0,45.0,4,1,0,3,26,22,0,5,18,1,34,1,0,3,2,63,52,26,0,7,12,0,0,1,0,4,1,2,0,0,21,23,0,4,10,0,3,5,6,12,2,3,8,2,46,11,46,34,11,62,0,1,0,0,35,17,0,4,38,224,67,0,0.0,0.09914445251567897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741752779345146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234047962954592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774341851200443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868605166612004,0.0,0.05100918068436409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680987570292472,0.0,0.0,0.4856870454377158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742544048241319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053673144818274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748726860806097,0.0,0.04755599456813886,0.0,0.06692474203349667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894553696404342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240572969068896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17427500314831704,0.04598710389710019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855661703149086,0.0,0.04088072268748487,0.0,0.0,0.14810435389702406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227966406932946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483610634305491,0.0,0.18229920485244785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056702210056731324,0.19092210218406014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18122970121204626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15820504453430334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006830731917712,0.0,0.0,0.09373823230432514,0.1780031777718558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603466511722993,0.0,0.08983858965499136,0.0,0.07146034262785278,0.0,0.06654390662240173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843820159088058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089988735527604,0.1288384425574485,0.08275943593097365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585258169849964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017710211497976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118355991570028,0.2144692977697547,0.0,0.0,0.14637950956617427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929690608909393,0.0,0.0,0.08174100442479316,0.08711149043212152,0.0,0.0,0.1843184428872336,0.13808581696610722,0.04935530588800057,0.0,0.06712124494015856,0.0,0.15047269589930393,0.0,0.0,0.18684644263196187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888454775761202,0.0,0.0,0.10777145704822276 bpd,kajagoogoos,2020/04/15,"quarantine is making my bpd symptoms spike in my relationship hi everyone! i’m having a hard time right now. i am in a happy, healthy, and also new, relationship. i really love my partner, and they’ve treated me better than anyone i’ve dated before. things were going swimmingly; they understand my mental illness, and are awesome about me having to ask for reassurance, talk about things that neurotypical people don’t usually need to talk about, and are okay with me being clingier than most. i saw them once or twice a week, every week, which was going super well. they live 45 min away, so it was the most we could fit with our schedules. now, with corona, i haven’t seen them in 25 days. i am simply not built for long distance relationships. i thrive off of physical touch and physical affirmations. like others with bpd, texting can be weird and i often misread tone. so, i have been splitting (they don’t know what splitting is yet because it hasn’t ever happened until now), getting super paranoid, needing more reassurance than ever before, and feeling super clingy and needy, way more than i usually am. i really love them a lot. they’ve been mostly good with my needs during all of this, but i honestly feel like a super shitty girlfriend for having so many problems arise when they’re struggling with their own mental state, too, and there’s a whole pandemic going on outside. the fact that i might not be able to see them for another month has me spiraling into a deep depression. they’re definitely my FP (i’m trying to work on that), and all of this is so extremely hard. sometimes i feel like i should dump them to spare them the pain, but my rational side knows how stupid and counterintuitive that is. plus, i really can see us together happily for a looong time, so i don’t wanna throw this away. anyone else going through this? advice? can anyone relate? i am DYING over here bro.",5.404472372697724,7.0091848112676125,5.955845070422537,76.68113488624053,68.49295774647888,8.729144095341278,28.020043336944745,9.162432508145574,2.4477822318526545,1508,51,261,29,26,488,200,355,0.107,0.735,0.158,0.9348,0,1,0,0,0,0,52.0,3,0,10,6,22,25,2,1,11,1,34,5,0,2,5,51,59,24,1,7,5,1,6,3,2,2,3,0,0,1,15,20,0,0,6,1,0,6,7,7,1,1,7,10,41,18,40,46,10,43,0,1,4,2,27,14,0,7,24,187,56,1,0.09382570833681696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168539628879672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503238505865778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838443600536692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968153504764469,0.0961355260003034,0.0,0.0,0.08771437175530852,0.0,0.17630468307178138,0.0,0.0,0.057195280943384025,0.0,0.1596775344093554,0.0,0.0,0.08298121435860162,0.0,0.0,0.23634039025118544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749121934395756,0.0,0.0,0.06050981987006075,0.0,0.08081194510634325,0.0,0.09737627208465864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783793398634784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697414496276546,0.07905220594338684,0.08965448512822591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232329184658812,0.13405820956617004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04902006009268527,0.0,0.2132932490484408,0.07869655262234128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296976401808699,0.0998792112064989,0.16809881084503395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312831109531967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751550532133894,0.0,0.082849819428072,0.08303279935522716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976726198888022,0.16936272994841026,0.0,0.06262938888339076,0.09512454172629337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18910849192279036,0.0995342493916222,0.0,0.0,0.07489078524497562,0.0,0.0,0.20871172161154886,0.0,0.09061745377669292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992131723885088,0.0,0.0,0.09983716887467403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504693240232842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977853143964175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18032145391540616,0.0,0.0,0.30220109238784665,0.0,0.08012664226468108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953388377806834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092796024662262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808700209898437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752083618404138,0.0,0.15082710061293772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466726303669752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942105011511458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370149707945028,0.0,0.0,0.09767587131995148,0.11286077467442572,0.0,0.2066715242735492,0.0,0.0,0.07447448005052355,0.15052264749662375,0.0,0.08436057980938308,0.0,0.0,0.10475305264884174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830623312799579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kikuripuff,2020/04/15,"Favourite Person I want to know more about Favourite Person. Have you ever had one? Are you the FP? What makes that person your FP? Anything that relates to having or being an FP. &#x200B; Reasons I asked is because; 1. I feel like I might have it, but I am very unsure. 2. Or my ex might have it because he told me that I am his Favourite Person.",0.16985714285714335,2.5678691285714312,1.3000000000000007,98.21000000000002,93.42857142857142,2.8000000000000003,19.857142857142858,3.1291,-0.6530285714285715,269,9,56,0,10,84,47,70,0.052000000000000005,0.905,0.043,-0.3776,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,12,0,0,2,1,11,18,3,0,1,3,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,12,1,3,13,1,1,0,0,0,0,12,0,0,4,2,41,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817203352304272,0.22224347447422646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505110854829406,0.0,0.1709867757484573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22298823968820247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544348777682097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924797168345525,0.13066377013036715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051703643140654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935568330014491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208714556083175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880559146565699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393774843414578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6388047717327482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18805162393576552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17476875267633207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091162432951086,0.1078791369669225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22224347447422646,0.0 bpd,Jstalittleweird,2020/04/16,"New and Full of Feelings Hello there! I’m forcing myself to post so I doubt this will be eloquently written. I read a little about BPD so many years ago and immediately wondered if that would explain all of this *gestures at full self sarcastically*. I received my official diagnosis (along with PTSD and something else I can’t remember because why would my brain fully function like that?) a little over a year ago. I’m struggling. I’m not really sure what more I expected to say. Thank you for reading, and I’m sorry is this kind of post isn’t allowed.",1.9955256064690021,4.809311301886794,3.615687331536392,82.62547169811323,86.92452830188678,6.047439353099732,26.439353099730464,7.447530270364453,1.8614145552560653,442,20,79,8,14,146,75,106,0.09699999999999999,0.851,0.052000000000000005,-0.5475,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,2,3,0,7,1,1,1,2,19,16,7,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,0,1,6,6,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,2,9,4,11,11,4,14,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,3,6,49,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28991015516228835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968334395700412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059540579550792,0.18254802077865528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660418422401002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268317140989358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028616073485398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989007245741961,0.3277900906096525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578871989527916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579334984344523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31322356334472495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19115201588539696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271385757244584,0.0,0.10475832514497996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18524198810810066,0.0,0.0,0.13004167177531153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705922756839214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588956156548944,0.0,0.18305288943534356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095187236903428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412041087515355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055188255910062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475559099956126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733592566791614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323269871481697,0.0,0.0,0.21060952317900208 bpd,Tyler95_,2020/04/16,"Living with a personality disorder? So I've recently been told by my therapist I have suspected bpd, and am currently waiting an official diagnosis, and to be honest this at first seemed like great news. It felt like I was finally moving on with my mental health journey. But the more I researched the more accurate this diagnosis probability would be and there are more traits I exhibit than I realised. Even small things in my personality which I didn't relate to my mental health seem to link up, which now has me wondering will I ever feel or behave normally, or will I just be constantly treading water trying to mask and contain this? Like do I even have a personality or am I just a personality disorder of you get what I mean ?",7.4164416058394185,7.793457678832116,8.745684306569345,62.8618841240876,63.452554744525536,12.689416058394162,36.10310218978103,12.161744961471696,4.863847445255474,590,26,101,20,8,205,90,137,0.054000000000000006,0.83,0.11599999999999999,0.8596,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,8,5,0,0,6,0,16,3,0,0,1,26,25,9,0,2,6,0,2,3,0,3,2,0,0,4,8,6,1,2,8,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,2,17,5,13,14,3,14,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,6,10,80,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17391896287378303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922575380565048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165251914735672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18241369997058385,0.12490991000124275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982222910053265,0.0,0.1325876299677043,0.15127035983046488,0.0,0.11745890656438986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721460940490901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522442239920112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935654832726327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20239074699955145,0.0,0.12193560866931173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504200098155568,0.0,0.0,0.27832358870933105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676734530169386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529844658254378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4822978989245003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488838980398481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634677820014934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25142309265925583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033261882394245,0.0917405656672211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319504893252654,0.0,0.09375374470517307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975223396255316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980948592457775,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,zach0605,2020/04/16,"Looking for attention I have quiet BPD, which is a fucking curse when all I want is for someone to care. I find it hard to talk about my emotions to people because I’m scared of lashing out which just makes everyone uncomfortable, but not talking about my emotions makes me seem fine and I want so badly for someone to care. I’ve only had two FPs, my first was my abuser of 5 years and my current FP is my fiancé. I’m too scared to ask him to check up on me more or make me feel cared for or thought about because it makes me feel fucked up to want that in the first place from anyone. I shouldn’t feel like I deserve for people to care, I’m not anyone’s problem but my own. I’ve built up this persona that I’m all that and such a tough bitch and nothing can get me down but I need to be cared for so bad. Waking up in the morning with no message from my friends and loved ones asking how I am, or how I slept, or if I want to hang out is just making me so much more depressed. I have so many loved ones, but I always have to make the first move in being seen. Why does no one care when I don’t reply? Why does no one notice when I’m not around? Why the fuck am I so unseen yet ‘loved’? None of the people in my life love me to my standards of needs and it’s eating away at me but I can’t fix it.",2.320845070422536,2.9021002394366207,3.6177183098591565,94.4170704225352,74.77464788732394,6.102535211267606,22.65070422535211,5.341637118332708,0.001775211267605492,1004,24,243,3,20,329,139,284,0.175,0.6559999999999999,0.16899999999999998,-0.6008,1,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,0,3,19,24,4,2,7,0,17,11,2,8,2,51,58,26,0,9,15,0,4,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,10,10,1,0,7,0,1,2,10,11,0,8,5,7,34,13,43,50,7,27,0,1,2,7,11,16,4,6,10,163,44,0,0.0,0.09368947016713154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579569913786318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058041696428826,0.0,0.0,0.07039240710674552,0.14784657465460274,0.0,0.07429239634880777,0.0,0.13204656605047552,0.09640525497322776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995906270885852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4837257830320214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810610984297195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839595281399744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091219277849725,0.0,0.17789466405984525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555836212113108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994620021782194,0.05649030681077535,0.0,0.0,0.07227198008990413,0.20178028839287326,0.0,0.0,0.061092187436931636,0.2193072386646092,0.04131277365973773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083455336224921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055852132079387634,0.038631442823633434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640203948204315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28546860675097463,0.0,0.3166940753432457,0.0801683770765317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404288821185213,0.058128308719684614,0.11726437569665818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587340114322005,0.09002599486458003,0.0,0.0,0.21432969299741456,0.06013915434482087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445935748650664,0.0,0.08261524462632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566290497924179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833324779688795,0.0,0.0,0.0719857773089942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399787305648084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271129790048255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627757293338032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724356936942013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865589991674912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140552959188851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0509209060809075 bpd,notrllyglutenfree,2020/04/16,Nothing I just wish I wasn’t struggling with this. It makes me feel guilty being not enough or too much or hate myself for not handling either. I feel bad for everyone that has to put up with me and I miss everyone who decided they don’t have to deal with melancholy me. I don’t know how to work on myself I just wish I wasn’t myself because I don’t even know where to begin.,2.722541666666668,3.8090968375000043,3.9175,90.72416666666668,74.375,6.833333333333335,23.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.6792083333333334,297,8,66,3,6,97,49,80,0.27,0.73,0.0,-0.9629,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,6,4,1,1,0,0,8,0,0,2,0,20,18,4,0,2,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,2,2,15,0,11,15,3,5,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,2,1,52,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852129083519484,0.13522121921123867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22868973439033696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22920241754508106,0.0,0.14651197483975895,0.0,0.0,0.4239226938598298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22432071000989046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190042515741276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438161983207833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806855012478987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306540090466734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128451153651069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229933454856513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23189752360389834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5101709197503426,0.0,0.0,0.16148975878687594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,burritoconnaisseur,2020/04/16,"Anyone used natural therapies? Hi all! New and I really enjoy this sub because it has helped me feel extremely understood and like I’m not the only person on earth who does the things I do. Thank you! Not officially diagnosed, but I have done research and have fit the criteria for years. Most of the time I’m able to manage my symptoms pretty well when I am working and on my normal routine, but this quarantine is really bringing out the worst. Unfortunately therapy is not an option right now because of the coronavirus and financial limitations. And honestly, all my previous experiences in therapy have been shit. I tried BetterHelp for a while and it was AWFUL so I want to make necessary life alterations to manage this on my own the best I can. So, I’m very interested to hear if any of you guys have experimented with more “natural” (non therapy/medication) means of treating BPD symptoms. Supplements, diet, forms of exercise, etc etc. Right now I’m doing yoga and exercising every day which has helped a lot. What has worked for you to implement in your life to make BPD more manageable? I understand this is in no way a replacement for traditional therapeutic methods or DBT to fully cope with BPD, but interested to hear!",5.502133333333332,7.65129265777778,6.95877777777778,67.43550000000002,69.08888888888889,11.577777777777778,32.5,11.319583603955671,4.622066666666667,988,45,163,37,18,337,137,225,0.084,0.747,0.168,0.9609,0,1,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,4,0,4,6,11,1,0,11,1,17,9,1,3,2,34,33,17,0,3,8,0,1,1,0,0,7,2,0,2,10,11,1,1,4,3,0,1,4,2,1,0,4,3,17,9,26,29,12,20,0,0,0,0,12,10,1,5,9,117,27,6,0.11059676190410618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520959061935738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733182742614918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483751906942434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606447834038393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4178782499850932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713257619863176,0.0,0.0,0.11225338528911882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678397164070976,0.1131788858034774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246689248913564,0.0,0.0,0.09318254190343718,0.0,0.0,0.2163697099939408,0.0,0.0,0.055921045879594296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109508182283202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493011771874996,0.0,0.14826135644927227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562355273353891,0.05403199140811989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402541199323848,0.0,0.0,0.14764839473784308,0.0,0.0,0.12047229626532514,0.1228480702202152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068150418190304,0.0,0.0,0.10836134475005682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411382110903347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965688265786947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125166671100936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417022353354218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888980607513324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352598677639088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22990476472435156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018226392177232,0.379431107522159,0.0,0.07347557429468357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448986126188377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750879415707706,0.0,0.0,0.11513512954647055,0.0,0.09552009265324306,0.0,0.09125391120079236,0.06523283563433611,0.08778656174395033,0.0,0.0,0.09943977108893956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103151973453256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122068860897128 bpd,Jibakoma13,2020/04/16,"DAE get irrationally angry at friends? Yesterday I was talking with some friends and they were saying a joke that they do all the time. Fine, right? Normally its fine, but I just happened to get the big sad at that moment and i started criticizing them for it because of some reason. Does this happen to anyone else?",3.5241242937853126,6.2046014406779655,4.045000000000002,83.57620056497176,76.96610169491525,6.6451977401129945,26.78248587570621,7.793537801064563,1.7852350282485872,251,10,45,4,6,79,47,59,0.179,0.693,0.128,-0.7499,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,3,0,1,6,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,1,10,8,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,6,5,7,6,3,8,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,2,4,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18146482323902555,0.26591243300491685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582030800144267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22711071095435534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21679853252533327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010143314293505,0.0,0.2711805715870745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4589914412248327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542778688346761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668333195504102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216315994677004,0.0,0.20638345573512326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18369202635948545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20859511023498775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133020470482067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,erinwil,2020/04/16,"I have treatment resistant depression and don’t know if I should kill myself I’m tired of people telling me that it will get better, because it never will. A few years ago, I was diagnosed with major depression. Actually, I have been diagnosed with that more than once. And a bunch of other things. However, I have been doubting that I have major depressive disorder for a long time because 1.I get rapid mood swings that aren’t present in MDD and 2.antidepressants don’t really work for me. I know I’m not bipolar because I never had a manic/hypomanic episode. I did a bit of research and think I fit the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder. For the past few years, I have been trying to figure out why I’m suicidal so much and I’m sure it’s BPD. What else could it be? Since it’s likely BPD, there’s no medication that would make it better. Antidepressants barley work. Therapy doesn’t work. I don’t know if I can spend the rest of my life depressed and suicidal. I can’t live with a disease that will never get better.",3.530755555555558,5.7613269200000055,4.9093333333333335,79.65522222222225,74.8,8.644444444444442,27.11111111111111,9.2995712137729,2.571827777777778,824,32,154,21,18,274,111,200,0.19699999999999998,0.736,0.067,-0.9806,2,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,6,2,12,1,1,9,0,25,6,0,1,4,27,37,9,3,5,3,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,0,1,15,10,0,0,5,0,1,0,11,6,0,0,6,0,18,5,15,24,9,13,0,4,0,0,2,3,0,3,11,103,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.10833274037921306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840638649032668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030176072981621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945461113558514,0.12119751794311727,0.0,0.2796341454825316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863490145054781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824615706283018,0.22535185409121355,0.0,0.0,0.25446118691968145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273717329024668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399923814484314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281951160483555,0.0,0.18302963651841408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841181285817593,0.05423537745743436,0.0,0.0980265727518183,0.09824307165628446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410208481033129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183398667648918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160737818587781,0.0,0.2568603649582468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182252941694754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597453463877644,0.0769624833878511,0.0969323288597123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111781390703895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183115689033987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24286055612252544,0.0,0.10462850264861064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703031438665148,0.0,0.12695311795389494,0.0,0.07375214945668401,0.07113269135732814,0.0,0.0,0.06473261259791767,0.12759319079411435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537058597067588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017202674277992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24245650662898344,0.0,0.0,0.07886049826932695,0.0,0.0,0.14297755195842998 bpd,splashka,2020/04/16,"I opened up about my fear of rejection and was rejected the next day I didn't know how is that even possible. I told him that I want to leave that relationship because it is toxic, I told him all I need is a closure, I told him I want to leave in peace and stay friends, I was fully sane and aware of what I want. And he said 'no' because 'you always get what you want, not this time', and because apparently I love arguments and I am going to cause another one, and no - for so many abstract reasons - like I would not be a person at all... not even mentioning a close person... he also added loads of manipulative things of threatening to never talk to me, blocking me, giving me 48h to respect him enough so he can re-consider the call; he turned everything against me, he used the words that I use to say how I feel. Where do people have hearts and empathy? He is my FP, my best friend and a lover. I am 24F, he is 30M. Broken, for just a moment. Rather shocked about the lack of empathy.",6.468,5.063265800000004,7.078000000000002,79.93900000000005,66.0,10.8,32.5,9.888512548439397,2.73065,760,25,166,14,10,252,116,200,0.142,0.6970000000000001,0.161,0.6369,1,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,2,0,1,12,11,0,1,9,0,15,3,1,7,3,37,33,14,0,8,5,0,1,1,3,1,0,2,0,2,9,11,0,1,3,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,7,3,29,7,20,24,5,13,0,2,0,2,29,6,0,0,6,113,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410213980695446,0.1083173176214834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650146271976024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23806324942535606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661225771215954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292481190984956,0.0,0.0,0.13372717537854198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395310535420396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345071742813034,0.0,0.17196076677675798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699428908670563,0.0,0.0,0.14648480970861075,0.06582117492340908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20114815884642734,0.0,0.06801187440762553,0.12487720833998404,0.07398233314508723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425983823439576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154162733403127,0.0,0.0,0.27567634035951616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359768673839758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748941858501193,0.0,0.0,0.13197858943336924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652426218167848,0.10040018030018537,0.0,0.13844423748436685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882109991090443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024802884337156,0.22733028420357346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675450046186225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384317402107948,0.0,0.13976089722226734,0.0,0.0,0.12382770894620072,0.10352161726867593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387508814969134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463097969237407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648351532375513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759069930137657,0.0,0.0,0.3731678156509097,0.0,0.0,0.14159470499531382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22486148562981664,0.0,0.0,0.3071260072125662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247368599771984,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tomscott1,2020/04/16,"can anyone explain this behavior? I share mutual friends with my ex BPD who cut me off 3 months ago. Whenever I engage with friends in a mutual discord server she pops out of nowhere and start engaging with the same people / likes all their posts but act like im not there(not straight away but hours later). If I stop talking in said server and disappear for a week or more, she also disappears but reappears and posts again whenever I post again in the same server. She also mirrors the way I talk when I post, everything down to the choice of words/slang that I use. Have also noticed shes had her profile set to offline now ever since we broke up but use to always show as online in the past. Can any explain this behavior? I dont know if im overthinking shit and just being paranoid but something just feels off",3.9401015965166906,5.817236943396227,4.468050314465412,84.81322206095794,72.64779874213836,7.659603289791969,27.954039671020798,8.384062270229773,2.018349395258829,650,25,123,11,13,206,107,159,0.172,0.753,0.075,-0.9453,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,1,0,10,10,2,0,7,0,7,1,1,2,2,31,15,17,0,2,11,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,9,0,1,4,1,0,3,2,3,0,0,2,2,17,7,20,12,4,33,0,1,0,0,17,11,1,3,15,81,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237716840287345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312068989905573,0.1148725759237152,0.0,0.0,0.09388193515815024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653106137522856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297069421247634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387507118896844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617990889441314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487838666238772,0.0,0.0,0.12407466922988247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980460816246993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133214490202523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595607782720073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982455486880454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587125676757595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489311328699755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019395036141157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717619944307684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178883946907782,0.09570975143147073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.528872991533919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132164098717408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171117328968671,0.11420028061394688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628125853155923,0.0,0.0,0.0977158324910774,0.0,0.0,0.11541991710204587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221926288844898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23846988318705706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958140084971144,0.11073915897833372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,altaccount1959,2020/04/16,What is splitting? Ice seen the term being used here a couple of times. What does it mean?,-0.11333333333333327,2.134069888888888,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,100.11111111111113,2.4000000000000004,11.555555555555555,3.1291,-1.876244444444444,70,1,15,0,3,21,17,18,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5359265156889299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4238598891716029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5276015571341846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824296728452965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4183248031602264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,justajsaltacct,2020/04/16,"It is becoming tragically clear to me how similar I am to my father. Moving back during the covid crisis has made me realize how my: + Drinking problem + Tendency to flit from hobby to hobby + Posture + Distrust of therapists + Sense of humor Are all mirror images of him. This man is completely miserable - sexually repressed (I am so sure he is gay,) constantly behaved inappropriately to me as a child (still does - very complicated) and was unable to show the slightest degree of love for me until it was much too late. The thought that I am growing into him is just too much to bear. Advice welcome but not required. Do you all think it is possible to change?",4.564319999999999,6.480548991999999,6.371400000000001,71.64670000000002,71.08,9.16,31.7,9.642632912329526,3.4155599999999997,524,24,88,13,10,181,88,125,0.098,0.8140000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.3362,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,1,8,9,1,2,4,0,13,3,0,3,4,18,17,7,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,1,2,3,2,0,2,1,5,0,0,4,0,12,4,17,13,4,8,0,2,0,2,9,1,0,0,5,66,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135786437466408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16806256518757742,0.0,0.0,0.2413872551242739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312121996682897,0.0,0.2291606597118463,0.2361905160183905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912672166059604,0.0,0.0,0.21410994540340691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24655021125873636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972629427791982,0.20681096026273146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23229941305308224,0.3213400273277809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463985691294517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091366538030316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454584619786892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20599440055401466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537701637207139,0.0,0.14004726957775232,0.0,0.17351575354552254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033855507166935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sannekeeee,2020/04/16,"What's the most helpful therapy or training that you followed? I'm looking for a new therapy to try. I'm currently doing MBT, but it's like a pilot for young adults and everything is going wrong and it's all really messy. Is there any kind of therapy or training that you've found to be helpful? (Just in case there are any Dutch people here: what institution do you have a positive feeling about? I've been at serveral now but they're all so crappy)",3.035,5.088619555555557,4.530833333333334,82.61625000000002,75.66666666666667,8.055555555555555,27.91666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.380666666666667,360,15,69,8,8,120,64,90,0.081,0.746,0.172,0.831,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,7,3,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,0,2,12,15,7,0,0,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,2,8,12,3,8,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,3,5,43,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804771607151282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18533976149747589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427244745892916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261126634897092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720117355450806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764536009185683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21474931894161944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075004672364986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17317521923537285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991712719372153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296892841539985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211161072201305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7075012564781926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001174904874872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254722659211515,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway736t,2020/04/16,"Do you care if you hurt someone? I guess in the context of a relationship that you cared about. I feel like from what I understand there can be blocks around it. As if it's a cascading domino effect and if you feel even a little bit bad you have to feel all bad so there is resistance to feeling bad at all? I understand it's either overwhelming or it's not at all. I guess I'm just wondering how it's processed. I guess it varies from person to person?",1.7303073286051998,3.75984640425532,3.4216312056737586,89.13388888888889,79.63829787234044,7.1565011820330975,22.14657210401891,8.167268648758528,1.1514174940898343,358,11,77,7,9,119,57,94,0.161,0.736,0.10400000000000001,-0.7583,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,5,0,1,8,8,0,1,4,0,5,0,0,2,3,25,18,8,0,3,7,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,2,0,1,8,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,11,3,12,17,5,5,0,2,0,0,8,5,0,8,1,56,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869576778664916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3902615483980125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700941511010315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176986535592565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029049768877578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151103178325185,0.11130414198995416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5148965284775816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667880077287877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611641430310499,0.1561533590709583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720785453605917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727178144234212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320095351844106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243883111842448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895935094010706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway58647267,2020/04/16,"HAE Dealt with a situation like this/ Stigma help (Sorry in advance this got way longer than I thought it would) So i just recently discovered I have BPD, no official diagnoses yet, and I dont know exactly what type to classify it as because I haven't found something perfect to explain me yet. But that's a song for another time. My girlfriend: ""I grew up with a dad with the violet kind of BPD and he made my mom walk on eggshells and was almost abusive to her, and his therapy didn’t always work since he was lax with it, so my view of BPD isn’t that of an obsessively loving, overly clingy person, but someone distant and compulsive"" Me, I'm very intense with love, affection and clingyness. I'm very black and white. And I have very high insecurities. Sometimes If I notice a change or when someone is pulling away from me I'll either blame it on myself ""what did I do wrong?"" ""Are you mad at me"" or I'll make ""do you not love me anymore? Do you not wanna be with me? Is there someone else?"" But never like downright cheating accusations or anything like that. I get jealous. I get ""hurt"" very easily if someone doesn't care about me like I do them. I apologize way to much. I DONT have self destructive behavior like self harm. And when I'm in a relationship with someone I've been known to be the ""sweetest calmest and most patient person anyone I have ever been with"". I love plans and details, but I'm very go with the flow if I know the details. But here is the kicker. I don't get angry or ""lash out"" until the breakup. When the abandonment really shows itself and I know they are leaving. I hardcore switch from sad to angry and destructive to happy to ""fuck them I know I'm better off without them"" and before I know it, I've burned every bridge of every relationship I've ever been in because of abandonment or rejection. But this was BEFORE I knew I had BPD. Now that I know I have it, I'm going to try to actively he better, at least about the breakup stuff, the lashing out. But my girlfriend is petrified. She's scared because of her family history dealing with it. That I'm going to be just like her dad and treat her like her dad treated her mom. I don't have the anger problems that he did though. I have the fears and anxiety and insecurity and clingyness, and if I notice someone isnt giving me the attention I want I'll either walk away or bring up the insecurities of them losing interest in me or leaving me or not wanting to talk to me, but never anger. Never abuse. I've never hit a women. Now that's not to say I havnt gotten angry in the past with family. But I always just walk away and even that's gotten so much better over the past year. But how do I quench these fears for her? How do I show her I'm not like him? How can I help? I don't want to lose her because of a stigma.",3.4341934163118246,4.7540883626760575,4.872543399934493,83.65607926629545,72.94366197183099,7.959777268260728,26.76564035375041,8.499448955792047,1.8072397150343928,2202,77,448,38,43,737,236,568,0.145,0.657,0.198,0.9884,0,0,1,0,1,0,70.0,0,3,5,9,24,47,8,7,23,0,43,6,0,6,8,102,84,54,0,10,33,5,0,8,2,1,1,2,0,5,23,33,0,2,12,3,0,11,21,25,0,0,17,5,72,22,64,62,6,52,0,7,3,5,50,20,1,14,27,305,95,2,0.0,0.14759261540673727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236838891543388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365048815996898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531016256742489,0.047647058825668616,0.0,0.06176895199671376,0.0435503929187887,0.0,0.051254392039798334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17555349169539752,0.0,0.0,0.1518708953639041,0.0,0.10599812484641066,0.0,0.0,0.16525530317133602,0.0,0.0,0.3137778684366611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350264810087376,0.0,0.06588817098937524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421202775160907,0.0,0.06321690820605423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599267421350834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05203025637237967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04113796808341201,0.1126788150618432,0.10495384495967447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743154847931955,0.14017354166187607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829114719806786,0.0,0.05758051727406521,0.09762239507711062,0.059748449688003975,0.1061922291941178,0.0,0.049814172460042126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630243345244942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349525082935079,0.06580642323461018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666762672336697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648591596958231,0.20537781288613216,0.0,0.0,0.13189944082750402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434303736846698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935963896035933,0.0,0.0,0.2248548220612896,0.05893458879685826,0.04157502685942718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589244207830898,0.0,0.0,0.09157175398477517,0.0,0.19214891815967766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182140226595405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891417455526587,0.0,0.10876790271702344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059597337967844985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039900699567857,0.0,0.06149789638364132,0.1337393275688918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04953070478768742,0.062357109359510624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995150755304655,0.0,0.0,0.05152193523326976,0.07000978049510426,0.0,0.0,0.3166379824979133,0.04794923523072895,0.06160042891309045,0.06972179381714554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130023275001407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05006148767304496,0.0,0.0,0.0712271362179724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611936743442359,0.0494465069549081,0.03631827787744113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04228672032861265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569539490041156,0.11021007976806706,0.09887621653812816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06003951471119436,0.0,0.045343464587371055,0.0,0.0,0.04424473808107991,0.06809773262347175,0.0,0.040108828099652334 bpd,Estanton2701,2020/04/16,"How do you stop from splitting? I never really heard of the term till I came here but it makes so much sense. I feel like I can literally feel myself splitting in two, like in the pit of my chest. Its such a feeling, like everything in me is so overwhelming I split. It’s so terrifying and I hate it, it makes me explode at people I care about. Being isolated is making it so much worse. I feel like up until recently I went a good while without splitting and now it just comes in waves where I’m okay for a day or two and then I’m not. With no work to distract me I don’t know how to shut my brain up",-0.34781976744185883,1.8154280697674423,2.007088178294577,95.03295784883724,90.00775193798452,5.395542635658915,18.14001937984496,6.9077264865688965,0.0670810077519377,467,13,109,7,16,158,82,129,0.161,0.653,0.18600000000000005,0.1548,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,12,10,1,2,5,1,6,2,2,5,1,23,22,15,0,0,5,0,4,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,1,5,0,0,3,5,3,0,2,3,5,17,7,18,18,3,22,0,1,0,0,2,9,0,1,14,78,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18465471342944856,0.0,0.18918748344893674,0.16864875577113966,0.0,0.0,0.14248795840199502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667718082149914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866181398923406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345495011560726,0.35451151300417155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873990026990465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331029603096614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090621583534544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32324817048265936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312417715174446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431939900959932,0.0,0.12757608123256473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467598787548755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596728699924153,0.0,0.1633245859474775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829200072326006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231673561120572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333876088938656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594514521199414,0.0,0.12042204716983512,0.0,0.16856915708846062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bumblebeebooty,2020/04/16,"I think I convinced myself I was cured I thought I had managed to finally get to the point when I didn't meet the criteria for BPD. But I notice myself doing things for attention, and progressively becoming more attention seeking. I don't know if my relationship will survive this.",4.421538461538457,7.135150384615389,5.712153846153848,72.63284615384616,74.0,9.544615384615383,33.47692307692308,9.888512548439397,4.1350338461538465,228,12,37,7,5,76,39,52,0.0,0.938,0.062,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,10,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,11,1,4,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,30,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36011315781285097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41066743359729024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571882526461411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035549659245794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17919678817372794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3712271460565729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082368039185918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.350071766994814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21662308719413692,0.20892927617387072,0.0,0.2588591759220473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,i_hateyoudontleaveme,2020/04/16,"Relapsed, I guess This week I had a couple of episodes after not having any for my months. In once episode i hurt myself. The other episode last night, I acted terribly to my boyfriend. I am in DBT skills group, individual therapy, and take medication. The episode last night concerns me the most because I went into an old habit of making threats to get what I needed from my boyfriend. To lead up to this, we had an argument that felt very triggering for me because I felt he was attacking me about really stressful decisions in my life. I felt part of my brain telling me to leave the conversation if it was too much, but I didn’t because I became obstinate for him to see my way of things. This was all over the phone, so I easily could have left. Then his boss called, so he quickly explained and hung up on me. This is my biggest abandonment trigger. I kept calling back even though I knew he was on the phone w his boss and when he finally picked up I was just not myself anymore. Just crying, asking why he left me, begging him not to leave me because I was afraid I’d hurt myself again (but that’s a threat). He was understanding and helped me come down. But I feel awful. I feel like I should do him a favor and leave him. I keep trying to find solace in the fact that there used to be a time I had a meltdown like this almost every week and be bedridden after because the episode had lasted hours and taken everything out of me. The last two episodes happened after many months of nothing and were much less intense. But I just hate myself for this and how I made him feel. I was just hoping people on here might be able to relate and offer some support.",4.461961147086036,5.525085115501522,4.909060393815249,85.3446583850932,70.1854103343465,7.667027884234175,27.98215937623893,7.893859768569023,1.6177203911721958,1309,45,263,16,23,416,176,329,0.122,0.8109999999999999,0.067,-0.9419,0,0,0,0,0,4,31.0,1,0,0,2,17,15,4,2,16,1,25,3,1,10,2,61,52,21,0,5,12,0,6,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,13,14,0,3,11,0,0,4,4,10,0,1,22,7,52,5,39,24,7,44,0,3,1,0,25,17,0,7,24,188,65,3,0.09420721162132226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433491423522976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406413440543736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342823969544699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807102582716311,0.10717430341390023,0.0,0.07243953067266266,0.0,0.2871392090231649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516640436487756,0.1923921921261413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115117113517599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521679276904827,0.10423848780919057,0.10348219833616014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06222297478650999,0.0,0.07937363891468427,0.0,0.08466736728917243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429019904171991,0.06730165080576354,0.27136109046022244,0.10319939551903366,0.08610368471434866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04921937981287189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037798646158372,0.0,0.08330712611264106,0.0,0.0,0.09301011769679217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314510814697871,0.0,0.0,0.09356901771520992,0.09277512684932923,0.0,0.2017015369610413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373569824893884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30716580456167136,0.0,0.29925550397835193,0.2047128221462953,0.0,0.06654133960637873,0.09204977001622737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914114147117824,0.06288404528821959,0.09551132617747347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490385460715152,0.0,0.09993896408801817,0.0,0.0,0.15039059505382818,0.0,0.13850628032473733,0.06985345372196637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17681417267015487,0.0,0.09039436033320652,0.0,0.0988546212378462,0.10032760578592874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201722976013763,0.0,0.0653114187440611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06035155207813937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507095061338813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791404261928148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690522734191034,0.0,0.0,0.07083209890708951,0.0,0.08234125530797055,0.0,0.10773415672888574,0.0,0.06258708534865745,0.0,0.09255810710181007,0.0,0.054932982690720465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396051276709606,0.0,0.09202675691079563,0.0980730296935574,0.0,0.0813647834506652,0.0,0.0777308157649344,0.0,0.07477729960024762,0.15113468534243726,0.0,0.0,0.08733102899463124,0.08500735549382922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,katsophiecurt,2020/04/16,"Recent diagnosis; do I write to my ex girlfriend to explain why I was acting the way I was? Hello lovely people After having symptoms most of my life; irritable, explosive, major paranoia that people dont like me, reckless behaviour etc; I took an overdose recently cos I work in A+E and I had a shift which pretty much hit every trigger. During this time I started a relationship; it was my first same sex relationship. I had recently been put on sertraline and had no sex drive which put a lot of pressure on things. I had a relationship with alcohol where I felt I couldnt possibly turn down the opportunity to get drunk off my face and would often pick her over that; I didnt feel affectionate all the time and we didnt have a lot in common which I constantly made a big deal of. After a very boozey session in London she dumped me. I'd recently been signed off with severe anxiety and depression and had been a handful during this. I crashed my car 4 times; the 4th time I was cut out of my written off vehicle. My girlfriend had ended up feeling so unwell with anxiety she could no longer be with me. I kept trying to get her back which ended in her blocking me. My overdose was two weeks ago; Ashley blocked me a week later. Today I was diagnosed with BPD and it almost felt like everything made sense now. My sertraline was stopped and ive been referred for psychotherapy. I am wondering if I should write a letter to Ashley to apologise and explain some of my behaviours and also take responsibility and apologise? Or shall I give it a few months? Thanks guys",5.280819490586932,6.533418654485049,6.386710963455151,74.8022812846069,68.43521594684385,9.587153931339977,30.944629014396448,9.842372674337009,3.095951937984497,1249,50,225,29,21,418,169,301,0.141,0.787,0.07200000000000001,-0.9404,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,0,3,6,10,2,1,16,0,31,10,2,5,1,52,52,15,0,5,2,1,5,2,2,3,4,0,0,1,12,18,2,4,8,1,0,6,6,4,0,2,26,5,42,6,32,19,10,47,0,1,0,3,22,15,0,9,27,164,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909079247836964,0.10959902713517873,0.10269300754637292,0.0,0.0,0.08201238911426427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569070439892674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885768837902142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916316090408458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108244307081136,0.0,0.0818810164833032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572866102738296,0.08832960170412776,0.10409014156618976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019251302972896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816647918102525,0.0,0.11437480827920725,0.0,0.0,0.08640616007476777,0.0,0.092168913900506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370875795227527,0.0,0.19693582689816452,0.0,0.0,0.08723237189037478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716045450462558,0.09837913246426512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154457406479243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724369163394191,0.1002053990672747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17437547063703945,0.09255898035977714,0.19407813083850434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185761675817925,0.0,0.07538898299701015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219604845823713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561421521657993,0.0,0.10433427711672556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20619017201684006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050387734706104,0.33031381796396764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585681838010994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258824228577725,0.0,0.0,0.08573972808319114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106592863303246,0.07710783781976117,0.0,0.0,0.09441793584681538,0.0,0.0,0.06813231431989664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392002262041041,0.0,0.09720919162695928,0.0,0.11394125684498127,0.0696274276974783,0.1115492924941719,0.10018034699584463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846177824472232,0.0,0.08140258412698938,0.16452525036158264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925390251318518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112154279869335,0.07466052646258571,0.0,0.0,0.07285141240073388,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,annacanhavefun,2020/04/16,"DAE feel like they can't recognize affection unless it's sexual? im not sure if this is a bpd related thing but i feel like someone doesn't care about me unless they show some sexual interest in me and if they don't i get so hurt and insecure if someone doesn't want to have sex with me it validates the voice that tells me i'm not good enough for anybody and never will be so i end up taking it out on the person so i don't end up getting hurt even more,,,idk it's so irrational lol",1.7630476190476188,3.3345942571428613,3.794285714285717,88.63904761904762,77.85714285714286,8.095238095238095,23.095238095238088,8.841846274778883,1.5070952380952378,387,12,87,9,9,132,68,105,0.253,0.617,0.13,-0.9469,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,3,0,6,9,0,1,3,1,9,1,0,1,2,20,17,13,0,4,8,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,7,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,0,3,11,6,11,15,2,8,0,2,0,1,5,5,0,4,5,58,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466776919826309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996914154125028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469460738231368,0.20237481650488012,0.0,0.12936309460231593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980645012942198,0.2798435738551532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20465660180491,0.0,0.0,0.16427732853649574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4193424550473379,0.0,0.21156144780094308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913737353057617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105861954109295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710166197361537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319015757050379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18459489276190805,0.0,0.14726167534158105,0.0,0.17118949450143922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012008941425468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552277728980424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kn1ght-of-heart,2020/04/16,"Is it a delusion if I know it’s objectively untrue? I know this isn’t totally BPD related but I do have it so I thought I might as well ask y’all and see if anyone’s experienced something similar. Okay so. I believe that I am literally a fictional character. Like, a specific one that I relate to. I know that this is impossible and not true, but it makes me feel very bad to admit that. It helps me ground my sense of identity to think of us as the same person and I feel like I’ve started to kind of believe it. But I don’t know if it’s actually a delusion and I was hoping people would give me their thoughts.",1.5070930232558126,3.3709864728682177,4.24436046511628,83.77956395348839,79.62015503875969,8.020930232558143,26.25387596899225,8.841846274778883,2.0969736434108524,481,20,104,12,12,171,75,129,0.065,0.768,0.168,0.9002,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,1,1,1,0,3,8,0,0,5,1,10,0,0,1,2,28,26,14,0,5,7,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,13,4,0,0,10,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,3,4,19,7,9,21,2,2,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,5,3,73,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.17302064836658892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397330290195913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575293063501026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803931274220006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3995160589818406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22330498142788754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929789040730856,0.12666419804762638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700837157751045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884143090562573,0.0,0.0,0.17610035488143252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18463218611898716,0.3897609810892535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17324107447562642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835010094196435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18808882974435587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201440575117088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291850763727127,0.15481279554346922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14128630787320096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649532563945893,0.0,0.0,0.12549488555444524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360761608747162,0.0,0.2815151080540538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132718251486701,0.0,0.0,0.14629227254571364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594153050822901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259498697559886,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,8housemouse,2020/04/16,"Trying Not to Relapse So I’ve(21F) recently moved in with my boyfriend(24M) and it’s wonderful. Honestly, I adore him and he treats me so well and is so kind and considerate of me. However, he isn’t perfect. Of course, no one can be. And maybe this isn’t a borderline thing but he didn’t grow up with a lot of affection so he doesn’t naturally want it/need it a lot... and that triggers my constant need for it. We’ve talked it out and when I hinted that I might need more his reaction was kind of incredulous, which weakened my resolve and I dropped it. And he does show me affection! Don’t get me wrong. It’s just... while he’s watching TV or something. He has ADHD (undiagnosed but it runs in his family so much and he shows the signs because he does the same things I do and I also have it) but it still hurts me, but I see it kill him when it’s silent and still and he just has me to cuddle with. So, then, he goofs off and it kinda makes me feel...I don’t know, not taken seriously. And I KNOW he loves me. I just don’t always FEEL it. Now, he got a weighted blanket that’s only big enough for him and he doesn’t even cuddle me at night. And, of course, I can’t ask him not to use it because it’s helping him sleep and he has bad insomnia/sleep apnea. I just... I feel neglected even though I’m not. It’s hell.",1.053449131513645,2.8117394910394293,2.9749283154121886,92.84649503722086,80.61290322580646,6.586214502343537,21.84188034188034,7.61054688173877,0.6687903501516401,1014,31,239,16,26,340,135,279,0.09699999999999999,0.733,0.17,0.9578,1,0,1,0,0,0,48.0,0,0,0,2,20,16,2,0,6,0,19,5,1,5,1,58,36,35,1,3,13,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,23,22,1,1,7,3,0,3,14,7,1,1,4,5,31,9,19,30,6,21,1,2,2,3,26,7,1,6,10,155,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160926078930866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708264267156732,0.11141850339976504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518176945184184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180389418459498,0.16325275617914248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470219732609554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23435984632993265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383581903987418,0.0,0.17688410033099214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262323758986014,0.0,0.2031170166420139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995909265765883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709492337421032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975274553494239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334654933786264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814446920816726,0.2788799409771012,0.1471798087946839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276800665677081,0.12085320677710568,0.0,0.08938167786211025,0.0,0.13452414161716753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205053528357625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231831181454374,0.09843453671852127,0.19857561228817053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565943675080302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073652966991858,0.10183970473187727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322136286849725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670381483529114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680005624319781,0.0,0.0,0.10308551601466392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21387114016896228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762662354060494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779191741028175,0.0,0.1315595851790806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091173956512222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564969827203715,0.0,0.0,0.07897979942217141,0.0,0.0,0.16305848374825566,0.12039539748379688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452127180211468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464025416284513,0.0,0.0 bpd,silentmarscar,2020/04/16,"I’ve been on seroquel for 2 months now, and my memory has significantly taken a toll/life feels like a haze. Anyone else have/had a similar experience? So ive been on seroquel for around 2 months now. Made my way up to 150mg, and I was pretty happy with it at first, because it definitely helped me sleep (I have pretty bad insomnia) and I also noticed it did partially help with my mood. One month into though, and I started to notice some really shitty side effects were more prominent. First and foremost, my memory. Let’s say it was at an 8 before taking it, now it’s at like a 4. Like I can’t remember what I said 2 minutes ago, and the day before seems so distant and I barely remember it; like a haze. Also, everything just seems like a fog in my brain. I can’t remember certain words (vocabulary) and people’s names and I just feel absolutely off. So, I stopped taking it, but the withdrawals were really bad, I couldn’t deal with them. Bad headaches, chills, restless, nausea, and it was all chronic. So I went back on it, but only 50mg. My sleep sucks again, and my memory is still terrible, but I don’t know what to do. I want to stop, but I really really don’t want to face the withdrawals. My psychiatrist says “the goods outweigh the cons, so I recommend you continue to take it”. Fuck my psychiatrist. Anyone else have/had a similar experience?",2.8313764044943843,4.8828939026217215,4.83564138576779,80.20829353932585,76.26591760299625,8.49494382022472,24.98267790262173,9.188382445141503,2.2162610486891383,1060,37,206,27,24,364,140,267,0.128,0.76,0.11199999999999999,-0.9228,0,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,1,1,3,17,16,2,1,13,0,19,7,4,2,2,42,36,23,0,3,6,0,2,5,0,0,2,3,0,0,13,16,0,2,9,0,0,1,5,7,0,3,12,5,29,8,22,22,3,31,0,0,0,1,9,12,2,3,22,132,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609099577034267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553336138989298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581708589960084,0.1990217779433172,0.0,0.08645736618793971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467926402291908,0.2432733610936269,0.05920343382364127,0.0,0.16528388681024545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084180088547926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263434775158636,0.10012642716209977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622625497841844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728516898439423,0.19000393800587909,0.0,0.0,0.09821355248687907,0.06938252778601524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16522039805264715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978584964019057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145962513825923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338601670432823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301949407809621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053374596999701415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993117519986738,0.0,0.2372395643117075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918972662773301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23256070650166025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22114346488073736,0.0,0.0,0.06581100687580567,0.07386411550806238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733076041228148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19761185466129289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24887016522525224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300539894322165,0.0,0.0923833341327401,0.15446740054358662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17682875085346506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19438022283959944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874201643553741,0.0,0.07756013552313658,0.16239329157108062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21906639785462964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541987991269828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145677521882448,0.07708931363735673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003118754528984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ssstardustttt,2020/04/16,"Resistance to journaling Does anyone have a hard time journaling? I used to journal so much as a teenager and it used to be really helpful. I don’t know why I can’t bring myself to write my feelings down now. When I’m splitting I can’t message the awful feelings and thoughts I have in my head fast enough. But if I try a healthy coping mechanism like journaling those thoughts instead of attacking someone, I can’t do it. My brain shuts down. All of a sudden nothing wants to come out. But all the emotions are still there and will eventually come out directed at someone sooner or later. Why do I have to try to hurt others to feel better? Why can’t I write this down? I bought an expensive journal, pens, I have DBT workbooks, I have other books about BPD but none of it comforts me. It all feels like a chore and I’m just a child throwing a tantrum because I don’t want to do my homework. Maybe it’s cause it won’t make me feel better? Not the way I want. Why do I reject anything that should be “good” for me? I don’t understand why I do this. I just want to be normal. It’s like I have to have some kind of outspoken tantrum in order to feel relief. I feel like a kid screaming in the middle of the room and nobody hears me. Maybe that’s why journaling doesn’t help anymore? I need external validation and comfort and maybe hiding my feelings in a book makes me feel like they don’t matter? Honestly I probably just bought the damn books and journal to waste the money because that provides more of temporary release than trying to cope. Can anyone else relate to not being able to write your feelings down?",3.226689671037498,5.0550749378882,4.159247757073847,86.48422245226597,74.46583850931677,7.006395215090867,27.453876236484927,7.793537801064563,1.6555365539452491,1278,50,252,18,27,412,157,322,0.106,0.7440000000000001,0.15,0.9114,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,1,2,10,20,4,0,17,1,30,2,2,5,3,56,61,16,0,8,10,0,11,5,0,3,0,2,3,2,15,12,0,0,14,3,4,4,13,7,0,0,4,13,35,13,37,50,8,27,0,2,0,0,11,14,1,3,12,166,50,5,0.08703278907049428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631314034987349,0.12171069946245908,0.0891753774618961,0.07162056973079152,0.0,0.0,0.0990123620290654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610876081646167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539468585765362,0.0,0.0,0.10961475110707136,0.0971573760741591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940664866051813,0.0,0.14994208274884985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616298021920526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727047274648278,0.09790017341115344,0.0,0.08992813644082437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4400639319675656,0.18652872570580392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299897422962147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796428402521284,0.0,0.08932075054658188,0.0,0.09809227863288827,0.0,0.11667248788299107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317040075492272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063125685050108,0.04783094476907504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21259912271930007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161901250504756,0.0,0.26230840386974513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397911408787127,0.0645337103073055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527365447827509,0.08351030840044088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383606685449387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05575543328049022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748519949470834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950449777653356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381886257301901,0.050749519206154836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17726865238964593,0.0,0.0,0.09060420279854477,0.0,0.15033677175995366,0.0,0.0,0.2053367757423506,0.06908257692128224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4712013303104994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hannahmariezt,2020/04/16,"Is it normal to feel like you're faking when you feel slightly better? When I have a break from mood swings etc or have a slightly better day I often think that people are going to view me as a fraud or something and say I'm faking my bpd, obviously this isn't the case but sometimes I forget that and get really anxious. I think it's because a lot if the time growing up I was told by different people that they didnt believe me. Am I over stressing about a tiny thing? Or is this a genuine concern?",5.1708974358974364,4.880900961538465,6.1469230769230805,81.86474358974361,68.23076923076923,8.087179487179487,29.83333333333333,7.1686216300943375,1.6871717948717944,396,13,80,3,6,132,72,104,0.153,0.772,0.07400000000000001,-0.8348,1,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,2,4,7,0,1,8,0,9,0,0,0,1,16,17,10,0,2,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,3,4,11,3,8,14,2,9,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,6,5,56,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324544720069364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543167369688712,0.0,0.0,0.2318252871226956,0.0,0.36396263575320537,0.0,0.0,0.25915224317829616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270059795513287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149793267853462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294809752345321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080806715509637,0.14699766590304525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750306809811612,0.0,0.11694028237607425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052577594529652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17493298419824765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20160478967351625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853013558285915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181752873664773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363159474419373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15840698938568418,0.20350561259287814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357016832912165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367002941499831,0.2636902084579303,0.0,0.0,0.11998249879387457,0.0,0.0,0.1966160833303304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sylvainthewicked,2020/04/16,"Does anyone else secretly hope your friends will agree when you say things like ""I should kill myself""? I get so wrapped up in the idea that i HAVE to kill myself that I'm honestly surprised when other people tell me not to. I have such a strong desire to tell everyone about how much I want to kill myself, but I don't really know what I get out of it. I think I just want them to kill me? But why would I expect my own friends to want to kill me? Sorry I guess I just want to know if I'm alone here in wanting to tell everyone I know how much I should kill myself. I hope that wasn't too much.",3.57015625,3.5725782031250013,4.478125000000002,91.454375,71.65625,7.9625,23.03125,7.645422480735847,0.6323093749999993,462,9,111,5,8,150,70,128,0.221,0.5870000000000001,0.192,-0.9353,0,1,0,0,0,6,10.0,0,2,1,1,11,14,6,0,2,0,8,0,0,2,0,28,24,8,6,13,6,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,1,26,8,15,19,4,6,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,4,3,76,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109144299010583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368576647104008,0.10797663751247928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222077597051076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803340368553779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013946403544484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628362337659314,0.0,0.1101158225202018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609050334091668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20933683819849996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896380897761825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6995395219819293,0.0,0.17374609669860833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05148447713415458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324043858357921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305882989897816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751061088865178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380424840109739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796687636624625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763263705289075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001132895733005,0.06752473373217452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31078610533197304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950911501329218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486057459675077,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,inlovewithaloser,2020/04/16,"I’ve been online shopping to avoid feeling my feelings towards this guy Have made 3 separate orders on the same site. It’s not the *best* coping mechanism, but it’ll have to do for now. I know the inevitable wave will hit me as soon as I realize I can’t run away from these feelings. Might as well look good when I do.",3.0109090909090876,4.229898272727276,4.039818181818184,89.6097272727273,73.84848484848484,7.098181818181819,26.83636363636364,7.554174236665415,1.3047672727272723,250,9,54,3,5,81,53,66,0.026000000000000002,0.85,0.124,0.7311,0,1,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,3,0,9,0,0,1,0,11,16,5,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,1,1,1,2,1,1,0,2,4,6,3,10,10,2,9,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,3,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000421651343687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351407227461523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4844226244099788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26785770662489394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162091613368321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755077698933968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681756501969368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30217903591335954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.338782511866998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871362300420857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,The_Tagperson,2020/04/17,"How to open up to my wife, I keep pushing her away and alienating her I have always have found myself splitting on my wife but have kept it internally in my head. I also have never really disclosed my splitting in fear of her reaction and abandonment even though logically I know she won't and that she will be supportive. I honestly feel like I can't talk to her because of my own fear blocks me regardless of how much I tell myself that it will be ok. How do you guys open up to your significant others and what methods do you use to bring yourself to open up, how does that look like? Every time I think about opening up it feel like I'm about to have an anxiety attack.",6.7779621848739495,5.7633833088235304,7.344495798319329,77.01058823529414,65.17647058823529,11.00672268907563,32.66386554621849,10.290406445055957,3.0343394957983194,534,18,109,11,7,177,79,136,0.14,0.721,0.139,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,0,10,10,1,2,1,1,13,1,1,5,1,26,25,11,0,1,1,2,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,8,0,4,6,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,2,3,25,6,20,18,2,16,0,1,1,0,14,12,0,0,5,82,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007901285445388,0.1561558305508394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356644481488395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21350083827363905,0.17632141625476153,0.0,0.0,0.11440141876345393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423060503743445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395375433880733,0.0,0.1581194176711237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223601105608049,0.1897823997805212,0.26814186622213465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057696205641702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582203982787535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19260276925145725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668090316438506,0.0,0.0,0.10313809906504304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750571140004908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575948847942408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379584751826796,0.0,0.14474207713504084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022571222167396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129648145711349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508414157033196,0.16403117606337875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025086277058425,0.18438406246449865,0.0,0.1094314353324642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16208595642168733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gynecologay,2020/04/17,"Today I took a shower. CW: scars, self harm Apologising ahead for a very long post. For some, a small feat and an everyday routine that falls naturally. Usually it is like that, but I’ve been going through a really rough patch lately. Normally I’d say something along the lines of “like everyone else” but no, not today. I will not invalidate my feelings and my hardships, just because everyone else also has feelings. Not for this. Two days ago I had a serious meltdown. The worst one I’ve had in maybe a year or two. It was really bad, and it lasted for way too many hours. My boyfriend had to deal with all of this, this brutal horrible meltdown over *phone*. I said horrible things about myself and the way I see people around me, I did horrible things to myself I haven’t done for many years. We’ve been together almost eight months now, and quite honestly I’m surprised he didn’t leave me earlier. He’s been an angel to me all this time, taking care of me, grounding me, helping me through these meltdowns that so often happen. As this meltdown lasted into the very early morning, we didn’t talk about until late the next day (he needed some space, which is totally understandable). We nearly broke up. He couldn’t take it anymore. He really made me realise how horrible it must be, to experience everything borderline brings and not be able to help. Before, when we were at our boarding school together, he used to hold me tight until I’d calmed down. We can’t do that anymore, and being long distance has really taken a toll on our relationship. I’ve realised how much harder I’ve got to fight, not only for me, but for us, our relationship, our future and my future with everyone around me. This personality disorder is so hard to deal with, to work with, and I’d thought I could continue taking baby steps and not make any major efforts. Having this disorder is exhausting, but seeing yourself hurt everyone around you is even more exhausting. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore, as cliche as it sounds. So I took a shower today. I had naturally a lot of nervousness after the recent events, and my heart was beating so incredibly fast and hard. I needed some self care, and some self love. I went about my usual routine, but I did it with care. I believe that we borderlines hate ourselves so much we refuse to take the time to appreciate what truly is ours and always will be ours: our minds and our bodies. It is sort of “our thing”, I guess, being borderlines. So I took my time showering today; I made sure my hair was completely clean and refreshed. I made sure the wash rag touched my skin softly and caringly, as if it was my boyfriend doing it. I realised I have to treat myself the way I want to be treated by a partner. I am not only in love with my boyfriend, I am supposed to be in love with myself too. I was careful around my fresh scars, apologising to myself for having inflicted myself pain when unnecessary. I apologised to my skin, my hair, my nerves and my scars, for not loving myself enough and not taking care of myself. My body is mine, and despite the scars, the dryness and other imperfections, I’ve gotta work on loving myself and be thankful for what my parents reproductive organs gave me. My brother told me the other day that I need to love myself a little more, and he was very much right about that. Recovery is a long and hard road, but it is a road worth driving on, despite the bumps and accidents that happen. Our minds are complicated, challenging and often hurtful. We have a duty and responsibility to ourselves to work on us, for us. Not for others. I don’t agree with the sentence “to love another you have to love yourself” as many find themselves in a relationship, even without bpd. But I do believe we all have to love ourselves a little more, and that is okay.",5.1853189308735885,6.4517964511691925,5.924569949025003,77.97590312053295,68.66987620357635,8.893157483075761,29.24802438169216,9.221295682616745,2.5229037894112243,3008,109,550,58,51,983,303,727,0.14,0.706,0.154,0.8724,4,0,1,0,1,1,98.0,21,2,0,8,27,42,3,1,32,1,61,20,7,7,7,114,115,55,0,10,21,2,13,2,1,4,4,3,4,5,37,50,0,4,5,0,1,9,19,15,0,4,32,18,94,27,85,69,18,79,1,4,2,9,61,26,0,12,42,397,131,6,0.04938173030317911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043773924390657935,0.0,0.049448669722470494,0.0,0.0,0.03949055188232458,0.04108955550018065,0.0,0.0,0.033581269977848466,0.05178104989526619,0.0,0.0,0.14692022158196796,0.03452885401040215,0.0,0.0,0.17584083801851166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041231682126901814,0.030102644448168382,0.0,0.04202021535170908,0.1112725994426756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970394010523818,0.062194560627433663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30208779098335603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05177580469614768,0.0,0.0,0.03942729341912266,0.0,0.0,0.09554139239079233,0.10182079119615296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131914823198406,0.0,0.0,0.05053465507071165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250419828614773,0.0,0.0,0.05102452797176642,0.0,0.06523233427011865,0.0,0.0,0.1887454380489947,0.04438111504414611,0.048304807847639006,0.0,0.0,0.04993777319253149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045134006871630765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028064775333718102,0.0,0.03949508083036672,0.0,0.05439954327445345,0.0,0.08733620204286502,0.0,0.13270899237395833,0.048754235143187136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05851758817302854,0.06619906580004167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04863105715656151,0.0,0.15859249088037686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050540217767345,0.11140948539751816,0.05228812223209254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04825083811717645,0.09898693361963558,0.0,0.13110383209765325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04198258119637603,0.4011204563108364,0.1401785616394664,0.032962688432792146,0.15019597127511608,0.049610585445221685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972294091460594,0.0,0.03941602599880946,0.0,0.10890376112264616,0.10984778191852393,0.0,0.0,0.05251803040094686,0.0,0.04838361096301182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033462338462659426,0.07511406224311762,0.052545642713443065,0.0,0.054832567567900864,0.0,0.0,0.034235074052518216,0.043118222158604856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04729404725939724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05252354869476264,0.0,0.0,0.12654080369475298,0.0,0.04875850121805631,0.15905249324685275,0.0,0.04217172786172463,0.046973333820777535,0.03927033397461145,0.0,0.049976947431574485,0.07870169115491711,0.0,0.15454774338425026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03801646856044762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308339280394673,0.0,0.1856445777791352,0.03969116427099721,0.0,0.045464062618462885,0.0,0.0,0.09842108207934483,0.0,0.0,0.039203577867922564,0.08638465217141802,0.0,0.18723242509298307,0.04718635951224868,0.1645947580689877,0.0,0.0,0.0964775501203047,0.05140812278586528,0.17820042402792366,0.04264995984264888,0.10877399866128816,0.12223529751987634,0.05825324793865956,0.11759075695295346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045777358725432434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047602225821109366,0.0,0.10785146338285126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360043054324438 bpd,mamalivesfornaps,2020/04/17,"DAE just want to self harm not for suicide but to actually give yourself something to feel real pain over. God I’ve always been like this. I’ve also never posted real feelings like this online or anywhere ever. I used to cut myself up a lot in high school, very shallow, pussy little scratches but it would instantly relieve me of the shit I put myself though in my head. The whirlwind would stop and I’d get myself together and take care of myself again, like stop the bleeding and bandage up and just feeel so much relief. I’m pushing 30s now, have little kids, and I’m doing all in power not to do this again. But I keep this little pairing knife around just in case. I never have the balls to do it though. What even is this compulsion. I’ve never seen a therapist, who knows if I’m even borderline. My husbands the only person to ever see my “crazy”...I don’t have friends. What else can I do to get out of my head. I have no tools.",2.76799603174603,4.529429619047622,3.938568121693123,87.86436011904762,75.56084656084657,5.994841269841268,22.92361111111111,6.6274283507984215,0.6294150793650797,734,21,146,6,16,239,112,189,0.084,0.737,0.179,0.9677,1,0,1,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,0,1,16,11,2,0,7,0,14,5,3,1,6,36,30,14,1,4,10,1,3,3,1,2,2,0,0,3,10,7,0,3,3,1,0,2,7,4,0,0,2,5,15,7,21,26,3,26,0,0,2,0,7,13,1,3,13,100,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.12035855848780885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863209384112458,0.1026257851766784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097955663434686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257497043736533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303175620202376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16292508988930388,0.2231297135938709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472520380114345,0.0881115660642186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528941535736273,0.0,0.12887638220161862,0.11831553659172865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531575074963112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031170376540374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962708076044707,0.0,0.0,0.06778247319259757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18076784064455007,0.3708464959508572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048562172691988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066646302899567,0.0,0.2853739612863991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938029083263744,0.1312386511715026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769260826951076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812220100938395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398717203048422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807677049490163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482304586810054,0.09828316163544654,0.0,0.12866678907427584,0.0,0.12660306700896412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094950404991441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206229546475752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349100297201726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273364156150547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320309460468594,0.0,0.0,0.24235482104940426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652307048165564,0.0,0.10176546676788338,0.07274701850656885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752293140578169,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Miss_Minus,2020/04/17,"Has anyone seen Feel Good on Netflix? And did anyone relate to Mae? The need to chase highs, the falling in love quickly, but as soon as you get there you get bored and self-destructive and jump to the next thing? I just ended my relationship today because I felt I was becoming a toxic person towards my bf and that I need to seek therapy (again, sigh). I started watching Feel Good afterwards because I like Mae Martin as a comedian, but damn so many things in the show were relatable, and so many things that were said were things I have actually said before myself. It hit me hard.",7.290029761904763,6.816049848214287,7.3882142857142865,75.34011904761907,63.91071428571429,10.323809523809524,32.95238095238096,9.725611199111238,2.9701738095238097,461,16,86,8,6,149,74,112,0.077,0.79,0.132,0.8171,0,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,2,0,0,7,7,1,0,6,0,7,1,0,0,0,13,20,12,0,2,3,0,4,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,7,5,0,0,3,2,0,2,0,2,1,0,9,8,13,4,11,10,0,15,0,0,2,1,8,5,1,0,9,58,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.15472481420325487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22172782773334634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933048215417421,0.17510928380541482,0.13491688817727654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043085862812135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603382777847886,0.0,0.15223570285889335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567475169082285,0.0,0.0,0.2659733951769612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203230623145094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751990391820742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746096582594256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143100233745275,0.0,0.0,0.3214956244527049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23513001675625744,0.0,0.0,0.1686228681978225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844232612051213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17022653871152255,0.0,0.0,0.30164034017279073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16540531295631294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222459882204333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18131912401718744,0.0,0.4213421568338993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028966384392214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mansfieldjayne,2020/04/17,how to stop relying on reassurance hello. i recently found out that me constantly asking for reassurance (ie: if he's going to leave (especially if we're in the middle of an argument)) is making my boyfriend feel a bit drained? sounds obvious but i really didn't realise until now and i'm feeling like a horrible person. i promised i'd work on it and stop asking for it but i'm really struggling. does anybody know how i can stop relying on reassurance so much?,3.660477528089889,5.917923853932584,6.117289325842697,71.01952949438204,74.50561797752809,10.292696629213484,31.3497191011236,10.411451182825502,4.083189887640449,369,18,64,13,8,131,65,89,0.196,0.6509999999999999,0.153,-0.6485,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,3,1,18,13,10,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,3,6,5,11,11,2,14,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,2,8,38,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847147226992474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246360878254928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22235292711570454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006152910177547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20807637585756852,0.14699463122953227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22560467650369576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693786821816675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308004267577873,0.0,0.0,0.21786960608965508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052370065445597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373460670978288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125691090451998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796612629400505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636296148948634,0.0,0.2031626878231992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5160724775464077,0.0,0.21510450943079065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979536996385465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,I-Am-Special-UwU,2020/04/17,"Am I Overreacting? So today I wanted my partner to play a game with me, and he told me ""Okay, 5 secs"", but an hour later he was still playing a different game (one that I can't play with him), so I was upset and left the room so I could avoid yelling at him for lying to me. Eventually I calmed down and we were talking again and I apologised for behaving badly. I was just talking to him about stuff in my game and instead of listening he turned to a book and started reading it, not processing any of what I said and only realising he was doing it when I shut my laptop and walked out of the room again. I'm curled up in the dark in a different room desperately trying not to bloody rage out on him for acting like my damn parents but I feel like I'm overreacting so I shouldn't feel and am hoping a third party can let me know.",7.024580924855492,4.854948647398847,7.917738439306357,76.81279263005781,65.41618497109826,11.193352601156073,33.1856936416185,9.827888789773867,2.805324277456647,648,20,141,11,8,221,99,173,0.12,0.7070000000000001,0.17300000000000001,0.7912,3,1,0,0,1,0,14.0,1,0,0,0,11,13,2,2,9,1,13,0,0,0,0,27,25,16,0,4,5,1,2,2,1,1,0,3,3,1,5,14,0,1,3,8,0,2,4,5,0,2,7,5,25,8,23,15,0,24,0,0,0,0,19,14,1,1,10,100,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298664496133827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328337420788505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613773615989104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40863450847904265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19776074335770286,0.1397071984829378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942339478049308,0.19258596046070525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747396577971173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124751364430544,0.19997205479393876,0.0,0.19108023853799075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325156591053658,0.14873122924949825,0.0,0.0,0.2171448310406698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19561165474510284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18602113831891467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384174783008228,0.0,0.15617345740577707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22386796315459026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314365405149424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18536681353560736,0.1868647506068956,0.0,0.13277154342041686,0.2127117462425388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153456079322416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lucybaby5,2020/04/17,"Does anyone else struggle with actually taking meds and wanting to get better? I’ve been put on a couple of different anti-depressants in the last few years, to try and stabilise my moods. A lot of the times they don’t work, or just make me feel numb, so I stop taking them or switch to a different one. However, when I can feel them actually having a positive affect I freak out and stop taking them anyway. Part of me believes that if my BPD can be treated by something as simple as medication, or even if the medication is having a positive affect at a low dose, then my symptoms can’t have been that bad to begin with and I must have been faking it. For some reason I strongly believe that if my BPD is treatable then I can’t be suffering that badly and people won’t take my illness seriously, so I don’t let myself get better. I’ve tried exposing this to my GP, who doesn’t seem to understand or care very much, and just tells me to keep trying medication before she will refer me for therapy. But it is really not that easy and I fee like therapy would help to get at the root cause that’s stopping me from taking my medication in the first place. Does anyone else struggle with this or am I just crazy?",6.542527018436111,5.910528516528928,7.517107438016533,74.32468213604581,65.48760330578511,10.586649713922444,31.42530197075652,10.035473477838034,2.9183600762873496,959,31,185,19,13,325,135,242,0.16899999999999998,0.741,0.091,-0.9456,3,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,4,5,8,17,0,2,11,0,25,8,0,6,1,44,42,23,0,6,13,0,2,1,0,4,8,0,0,0,11,11,0,4,6,0,1,1,7,10,0,2,3,2,27,6,26,32,5,20,0,2,0,0,8,8,0,11,12,134,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.18094540647032828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965157567514882,0.1899870471605847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481986612933146,0.0,0.0,0.07889035542443577,0.20890742338083976,0.0,0.163990946341111,0.0,0.0,0.2335328818425628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945251906357746,0.09523988380533464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025831179344827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985197285969478,0.0,0.0,0.19372682676806005,0.0,0.0,0.16226429454677366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489652949952312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06123483652643812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375508057941058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788600521035916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531323938375754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06214232585457806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824059250026821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755719567144661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480342656744864,0.0,0.04529398215514074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881969962542397,0.0,0.0,0.06188540883101741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029811812472214,0.3735868972859008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815335864823586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282347085935626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039713479909784,0.0,0.06427423413657472,0.0,0.09686341338403004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320030715736316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05939313313613698,0.09532249750898593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440074391585603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137356845063428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23253200425933684,0.0,0.19384363584343733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636237754177708,0.3485362128925789,0.0,0.08103362665422463,0.0,0.21204654705892456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05406061388928003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888343440768479,0.0,0.0,0.09651557100158922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649640366381799,0.05468343505671392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749481734051921,0.0,0.0,0.065859337001199,0.0,0.0,0.05970293736844943 bpd,literalphandomtrash,2020/04/17,"I never really get angry, is this normal? It's very rare that I get angry. No matter how much things go wrong, no matter how much people hurt me, I don't get angry. It's just unbearable sadness instead. I always hear other ppl with BPD talking about anger, but I just never really feel that. Does anyone else feel the same?",2.5225520833333306,4.669174484375001,4.241875000000004,83.64895833333338,77.59375,6.1416666666666675,16.916666666666664,7.1686216300943375,0.27581041666666684,253,4,46,3,6,85,45,64,0.18600000000000005,0.6920000000000001,0.122,-0.6307,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,2,14,9,3,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,0,3,6,0,2,9,3,3,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17705272063810445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878300503958353,0.2180215986419898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26799307108421383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18620806748841212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777531125952904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21517922252304306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335114180443529,0.0,0.12092963203045867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23982220216691494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277888840715336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128403631169639,0.0,0.32822314039982026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20848241970539685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751712274470036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726288139791365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17102712681920074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136374510239044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556847655042251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326450949592032,0.0,0.0 bpd,healthyintentions,2020/04/17,"Very aware; it’s ruining my life Does anyone else realize that their feelings or actions are not normal? I upset my boyfriend and when he voiced that he was hurt, my world felt like it was crashing down. I started crying, internally I was going INSANE. the anger I felt towards myself was unreal. And before I knew it, he was apologizing. He didn’t mean to make ME upset. This is the behavior I see people talk bad about. People w bpd “playing victim.” But I wasn’t meaning to do this. It’s horrible. He should be allowed to be upset without me wanting to do harmful things to myself. Are any of you hyper aware of this type of behavior? I almost wish I wasn’t aware I feel as if it’s upsetting me more.",1.4822142857142848,3.959206150000004,3.583928571428572,84.95232142857145,83.92857142857143,6.071428571428572,23.035714285714285,7.413659706084162,1.2556428571428575,551,20,104,9,16,187,87,140,0.198,0.713,0.08800000000000001,-0.9552,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,1,0,2,12,2,4,2,0,16,1,0,2,0,22,29,7,0,5,5,0,4,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,11,2,0,0,8,1,0,2,5,10,0,0,11,6,20,2,13,15,1,7,0,2,1,0,9,3,0,3,3,70,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853837794650812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589666785114448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944917412282966,0.18969045475076945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15457817387783934,0.0,0.0,0.15753439636610853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331683091981012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20335971247163326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620109806558223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465471756737886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18721743546307446,0.0,0.35551308482202715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521524947796136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19818851561423972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076478763886099,0.0904465457081368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357759667342624,0.0,0.0,0.4033278347423056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813908587396301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25669557760575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475268903944051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310379647181703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488027501088303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299402105466352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527539673325528,0.10919613540258474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128936094203827,0.1784614345177706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Regular-Permission,2020/04/17,"i think my only friend left blocked me. i am partially guilty i suppose, as i was venting to her how many times friends and acquaintances have distanced themselves from me because of my instability and how it is such a pattern that cannot be denied as cognitive distortions. i feel like it probably hurt her because i suggested she'll eventually leave me as well, and i may have had the intent to test her a bit with that message. but she hasn't responded and i think she ultimately got tired of me, i gave her the confirmation i needed and dipped. rationally i know she may simply have no wifi or is busy with anything else but i feel like she did leave and now i'm stricken with pain and even my body started hurting. i have no one left. i have no one left. the cycle never ends.",3.979588744588746,5.604001915584419,4.969545454545455,82.29098484848484,72.05194805194805,8.25021645021645,29.71645021645022,8.841846274778883,2.356512554112554,621,26,123,12,12,203,93,154,0.203,0.72,0.077,-0.9654,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,5,0,17,3,1,3,1,26,27,15,0,1,3,0,2,2,2,3,2,0,0,0,4,10,0,1,5,0,0,0,6,3,1,2,5,2,30,5,11,18,1,8,0,2,0,0,15,3,0,3,7,88,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261258896731135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18165549261507924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626671335458192,0.1655030948854457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446863936063812,0.0,0.13196792816128136,0.0,0.0,0.09841171791961062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067564587239055,0.2128882811323534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302308397373249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191672442011847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190107002673451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188535769727888,0.0,0.0,0.31553455771445305,0.4856600132839439,0.0,0.0,0.14558571062349715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510605001151962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048006635785447,0.1149163778224712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20192968720582846,0.11331962880028207,0.15854428716921634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606449535208417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546149144110063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909436958919692,0.0,0.0,0.08688188270635483,0.1712511853269522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396701991670024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SimilarRice51,2020/04/17,"How to end something with someone who potentially has BPD? Started seeing a guy recently for something casual, but as it turns out he's going through a lot and I feel as though he's latched onto our very short relationship heavily. He's not malicious at all but he has displayed some manipulative behaviours and although I care about him, I can see this behaviour will end up negatively affecting me (it already has to a limited extent and I don't want that to continue). I don't know if he actually has BPD but it seems to line up quite well, and he's regularly entertained the thought of suicide but hasn't got a plan to do it (I think he's just very overwhelmed with everything atm). He has friends trying to help him but he's not in a state of mind to listen to advice and refuses to get a diagnosis/start medication or therapy, in part because of external factors but also because he sees these as ""failures"". Because of all this, I'm struggling to find the best way to end things with him and would appreciate some advice. I'd like to be there to support him but without the expectation of becoming a couple or regular sex or anything like that; he's told me I'm the only thing that makes him happy and that he might have tried to kill himself if I hadn't been there etc. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, but I think the best thing for myself is to get out of this before I get sucked in too deep... Any opinions and advice are very welcome, I feel like I'm coming across as coldhearted but I'm having to be clinical about this to make a decision.",5.594807017543856,5.803307057142861,6.721503759398497,76.40165413533836,67.31746031746032,10.314118629908103,33.721804511278194,10.186864033877496,3.337761904761903,1253,54,247,29,19,423,165,315,0.08199999999999999,0.7340000000000001,0.183,0.9888,0,0,2,0,0,1,26.0,1,0,0,5,10,18,2,2,15,0,21,3,0,5,2,61,54,31,2,5,18,0,4,4,1,3,2,1,0,1,17,15,0,2,10,3,1,2,8,4,1,0,6,8,21,14,47,43,10,23,0,1,3,1,28,13,1,11,10,165,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.09416856897211333,0.0,0.0,0.2828915110568971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064884412426823,0.07716977710964099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656222563556815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941000370155829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764736818111429,0.10657495861023104,0.08211307510852707,0.0,0.20253834354686173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430728441249926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838660298289198,0.0,0.0,0.08312487174328105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067737015824367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564069583401798,0.0,0.10762128206711638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672658629941858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637755018350285,0.137877026617924,0.0,0.0,0.08819783680733223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455446455268963,0.0,0.15124937485179546,0.0,0.05484229401474981,0.0,0.07717862727491581,0.0,0.0,0.09554863883255084,0.0,0.10272439641451744,0.08644365866262806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646808781994029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676123957721344,0.0,0.053033025504240175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857707706650034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820395329765403,0.0,0.0,0.12882693191389136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721203812353774,0.0,0.10236960792759192,0.0974359277888755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339142104640395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449841968750642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082034357279042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263798181043847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528057957786323,0.10360322378854032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306903173703856,0.08784856636900888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176282513405256,0.14857844549994806,0.0,0.0,0.13660420184003064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008811339718716,0.0,0.10555364403122823,0.10950529964231956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035438965559602,0.0,0.19232785071186093,0.12366462306421835,0.09480923902900798,0.07660899181614464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922084061277817,0.0,0.131032229012275,0.10496260542440626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388639868252014,0.056917287111288586,0.07659597947422779,0.0,0.0,0.0867636972440741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302106406322452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685497315442717,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,princessbrigi,2020/04/17,"Woop woop, the quarantine has finally got to me! And I’m a mess. It started with mild sadness 3 days ago and now all I can feel is my throat clenched like a fist trying not to scream 24/7. I’ve literally been crying over any little inconvenience. I’m trying my hardest not to be a cunt to the people I live with but my mind is so out of hand all I want to do is tell them to fuck off... and they haven’t done anything. I’ve been drowning in intrusive thoughts since yesterday and I just can’t stand the constant “jump, cut, do it, kill yourself” while I’m having a fun and lighthearted conversation. On top of all of this, my grief has come back from nowhere and now all I can think about is my dead girlfriend. Even this fucking mansion of a home can’t take the sadness and anger away. Oh, and I’m once again stuck listening the same 5 or so sad songs just so I could add salt to the wound. I wish it was easier to step away, return to being mindful and start engaging in the positive side of things but it’s soooooooooo fucking hard..",3.235188679245283,4.487132471698119,4.049198113207549,89.63153301886793,73.33962264150944,7.564150943396226,26.45754716981132,8.07648339933343,1.387711320754717,812,28,179,12,16,260,132,212,0.196,0.655,0.149,-0.9412,0,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,1,11,16,7,0,12,0,21,6,2,0,4,34,40,16,4,3,7,0,3,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,7,14,0,0,3,1,0,3,5,13,0,0,7,7,15,3,26,30,5,28,0,4,0,3,6,11,4,1,14,111,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801764412019404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588056322169707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281268945064259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925684065374054,0.11972281180912898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412078045908155,0.0,0.16825515348293038,0.0,0.12431286953344943,0.0,0.1710278854922304,0.10041288337214123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933399018651268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283762790004962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872602130816382,0.0,0.0,0.17056048947047922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4318232585807069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452660085708893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947559523912592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561786504274676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17225771871380058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606659782574568,0.1560511602174263,0.1374849449808088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31442292555128043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16581420331181335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794198447551916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287957050641476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204089074730601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706616496204557,0.0,0.13608766542000633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343940347624267,0.09976554196543314,0.0,0.12360750226835958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21141860975971907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183522102212067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17904600380990307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thatsnailisawitch,2020/04/17,"I hate being so sensitive to rejection. I have feelings for my FP, but not entirely sure he feels the same. Everyone says just to ask him outright, but I know if he doesn’t feel the same way, that will be it -I know I’ll cut and run out of hurt and rejection. I’m terrified of losing him either way so I either obsess or freeze up. Feeling very anxious about the whole thing and I wish I didn’t have any romantic feelings, they cause me too much stress.",0.8269501466275669,3.207441978494625,2.55243401759531,91.82137829912024,86.20430107526882,6.392570869990226,21.357771260997072,7.686295010490155,0.9963419354838714,356,12,76,7,11,117,68,93,0.32899999999999996,0.584,0.087,-0.9837,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,5,9,2,2,3,0,7,0,0,1,1,24,18,9,0,2,8,0,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,1,7,12,1,8,14,6,5,0,4,0,0,7,2,0,2,0,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563431144089588,0.0,0.0,0.2253241742076637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18646084984716144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20489231468170546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19058509061950807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5042450364688826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19691771984310733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135176673826978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192273870897557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231359543106292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662029024847792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15861236672150728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22847178068213236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18798130472543034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250715560495024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16456892412365426,0.0,0.3166316890665222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22268121893953333,0.2293601460369241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cassanmango,2020/04/17,Rage and paranoia I wanted to ask for any advice other bpd sufferers have when they experience rage or paranoia. I switch into a very very aggressive and angry person who in that moment does not trust anyone and has to be on the attack/scream/cry because that’s the only option I feel like I have? I’m watching myself lose friends and I also think I will lose my boyfriend and family at some point because of this irrational destructive behaviour. After I’ve calmed down it’s like I’m looking at a different individual who has been angry/shouted... it’s really confusing and really hard to control at the moment. Does anyone else have trouble with this or have any useful advice? 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I’m new this sub, but I want to know more about how to help my sister with BPD manage her meltdowns. She was diagnosed years ago, but I’m older and haven’t been living at home. Because of the virus I’ve moved back and want to help her. The lockdown is very difficult for her because she can’t see her friends and get out of the house. I’ve been making time to spend with her because she gets on best with me out of our whole family. But she can have real, and pretty scary, meltdowns. Like punching walls, banging her head, smashing things in the house and screaming that no one understands her and that she wants to self harm. She doesn’t seem in control of herself and just very distressed when this happens, it makes me very sad to see her struggling so much. The main thing is I don’t know what to do in these situations. Everything I do, even talking, seems to make things worse and doesn’t help. I try to listen to her and do things I think would help, but I’m not sure if when she says not to do something if she really means it or if everything is just too overwhelming. I was wondering if anyone has any advice about what I should do during these breakdowns? Is it best to just let her ride it out and leave her, or should I try and take control during the situations to calm her down? Or something else completely? Also, I want to be clear I’m not saying I keep doing things when she tells me to stop, but I suffer with panic attacks and I know when I’m going through an attack I’m not sure what I want and I reject every offer of help, even when I actually do want the help. Any advice appreciated!",3.9029740518962086,5.011624541916167,4.499176646706587,87.59281686626747,71.54491017964072,7.243313373253492,24.994510978043913,7.492282038375204,1.0367469061876244,1303,37,272,14,24,415,160,334,0.166,0.672,0.162,-0.7076,0,1,2,0,0,0,31.0,1,0,0,4,17,20,2,4,8,0,28,2,1,6,3,71,63,33,0,14,19,2,0,1,1,3,1,4,1,1,18,21,0,4,9,0,1,3,10,12,0,1,4,6,43,8,39,54,6,25,0,4,2,0,40,10,0,10,13,188,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.07812418579893031,0.0,0.0,0.1564617523092655,0.07096579293628567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402163769485529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888315292535647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05597778901798404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18215302800210506,0.0,0.0615589718746215,0.0,0.1464062038631788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802998447760634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20165824164450166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393835111481437,0.0,0.17958170060190115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125627606912056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687743826320676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057539252192744,0.0,0.06745156353393325,0.0,0.14390032716264792,0.0,0.07547071339963182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061851920491421436,0.0,0.08365306592827829,0.0,0.045498297510676564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079423328261489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216168588476076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32196353844462994,0.0,0.08030380345901404,0.0,0.0,0.18475030027377634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115843304812439,0.0,0.0,0.13199187318646438,0.0,0.0,0.08476891453081119,0.0,0.08186381357788293,0.0,0.03911185750981644,0.0,0.07069189015331953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603162170977789,0.0,0.0,0.08720565654927329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508803265417958,0.0588511834339273,0.0,0.0,0.0773196505746996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054248766030486215,0.0,0.0,0.09392976308411187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144685651597308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112251186523633,0.051286631242214505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732924580898752,0.0,0.0,0.12759029481549772,0.14576196274607334,0.08351701999495678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17997507986016684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326374084957795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693132423870267,0.0,0.08369306808048871,0.0,0.0,0.09084785367989986,0.15090574746233162,0.0,0.060192979495482114,0.06434686823868185,0.06997343815670627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26593191527582005,0.05129736011962071,0.0,0.0,0.04668194154553365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870703799305304,0.0,0.0,0.08334226934525095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19816648687665075,0.330538281869731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938089837969783,0.0,0.0,0.08681851502627817,0.0,0.0,0.08158502914648261,0.056870270219540026,0.0,0.0,0.051554150643547764 bpd,RedeyesGreendragon,2020/04/17,"How to tell if I may have BPD From what I’ve read it seems I have quite a bit of the criteria for it, but I am not sure if it is just due to anxiety and depression. I would like to hear from others experience to see if it may be possible.",3.5316666666666663,2.4816199444444464,5.852222222222222,85.165,71.7777777777778,10.903703703703703,27.25925925925927,10.504223727775694,2.2205259259259256,183,5,48,5,3,66,39,54,0.168,0.775,0.057,-0.7425,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,1,1,13,11,6,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,2,8,7,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,6,2,36,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20748158514217407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29610060676972033,0.0,0.3415904944100053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336002936592557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26530395951984675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30568321888796146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250377108439054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30575836531271666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884745030081947,0.2712921243986269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161262120135745,0.2469073443989417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556204421133549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23705712338456206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19266600326476616,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cakesnotpies,2020/04/17,"How do you all prevent yourselves from splitting? So I recently fucked up a friendship that I actually genuinely cherished, but I just could not stop splitting on him constantly. Everything he said would offend me for no reason, and I was constantly splitting on him and getting furious with him. I know it’s because he’s the only person I truly trusted and the only person who showed real genuine care towards me because I have a stupid fucking pattern of doing this shit to people who care about me and are kind to me. I wish I could go back but he has blocked me on everything and there’s no way for me to reach him, I’ve tried. My question is, how do you all prevent yourselves from splitting with people? Is there even a way to prevent it? And do you know why it happens?",5.3966887417218565,6.304329231788081,5.9281390728476815,79.45551986754967,67.94039735099338,8.159205298013246,34.96754966887417,8.238735603445708,2.8479319205298017,618,30,111,8,10,200,85,151,0.163,0.633,0.204,0.4986,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,0,0,9,11,6,0,5,0,13,3,1,3,2,30,24,11,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,7,8,0,5,4,1,0,1,3,6,0,0,2,1,23,5,17,19,2,13,0,0,0,2,16,5,3,1,5,86,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.14496771873750172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422920609320572,0.0,0.18111483373994394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029223347969932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210691816040374,0.0,0.2372172884915724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981188164061767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670223304219684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746723995473574,0.07761357132240589,0.0,0.08442692015426091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136621385296687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469660459529275,0.16328328674876982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22596471413198074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20597790854463552,0.2594240399996769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664149877639399,0.0,0.0,0.16908749237697795,0.0,0.152738721339189,0.1466796024635378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130930523080112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248901316244673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419817611843365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085872350159968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358312233061879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404728937328028,0.0,0.17083029174066566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552882252021983,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kiki333666,2020/04/17,"Am I in hell? I feel like I’ve died and gone to hell. I’ve pushed everyone away from me. Yesterday was my birthday. I didn’t get many nice messages (one from an uncle and one from an old work friend and a happy birthday from my mom). My sister ignored me. I must be horrible. I don’t have any friends. I’m here quarantined for my birthday and everyone has forgotten about me. I guess this must have been what I’ve wanted tho... I’ve ran away from and pushed out every person in my life.",0.7884338433843361,2.982597960396042,2.478037803780378,93.65010801080109,84.24752475247523,6.0489648964896485,21.063006300630068,7.348242739294969,0.6310910891089105,378,12,84,6,11,124,62,101,0.183,0.68,0.13699999999999998,-0.7351,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,2,0,3,0,11,1,0,0,2,12,18,6,1,3,0,2,1,1,2,2,1,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,1,0,0,4,2,3,0,2,5,1,14,5,13,10,0,11,2,0,0,0,6,5,2,1,3,52,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420404765967113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3924852176569992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21677669973300645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17598410725893046,0.3991732890629041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561222236569062,0.14921857049839007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227487826715,0.0,0.1091272711525391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300966300096388,0.0,0.0,0.2223486822175428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753283844059034,0.10204456303879207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211763952116722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446289717622181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21917657429894669,0.0,0.2830748513330127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823794284567289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319842438912618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206168270445747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mamajuana4,2020/04/17,"DAE love so intensely it leaves you disappointed? TL;DR: DAE with BPD know that their SO is trying their hardest and loves you more than anything but you get disappointed realizing they will never feel love for you as intense as you feel it for them? Along with feeling negative feelings intensely, I’m actually appreciative to feel positive emotions intensely too. I feel ALL the feels DEEPLY. I would consider myself to be what many refer to as an “empath,” after all I was raised by a narcissistic mom and BPD Dad so feeling out peoples energy and emotions is all I’ve ever known. I’ve been with my fiancé since we were 14 and we’re getting married in September after 8 years together. I know for a fact I’m marrying one of the most caring, sensitive and loving guys i know. However, his family isn’t very loving, or touchy feely at all. He is definitely more open and more in tunes with his feelings and showing of affection than they all are. I personally see that he’s more sensitive and emotional than most guys yet I still find myself sometimes wanting/needing more. He’s likely my “favorite person” and I constantly feel excited to be around him, I want to spend 24/7 with him, and I want all his attention bc I want to give him all mine. However, I often find myself sad or disappointed when I realize that he, or anyone probably, is incapable of loving me on the same level/intensity that I love him. And it sucks. I wish i was his favorite person and I wish he missed and loved me the same way I do him. I want to reiterate he is AMAZING and does the most to make me happy. I genuinely know that my feelings stem from knowing that he can’t feel them as deeply as I can.",3.7208021978022,5.802756753846152,5.275247252747254,77.91528846153847,73.76923076923076,8.950549450549449,28.222527472527474,9.516144504307137,2.8294373626373632,1335,54,246,35,28,450,165,325,0.075,0.6509999999999999,0.27399999999999997,0.9977,2,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,5,6,0,10,19,1,0,8,0,18,8,0,2,10,77,59,27,0,7,4,2,12,1,0,2,0,0,0,5,10,24,0,0,24,1,1,0,4,6,0,1,4,13,52,13,38,51,17,17,0,5,1,8,44,7,1,7,10,173,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.07642859675314947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054762860185186855,0.0,0.0644503279312847,0.06972101669195893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19728149836036848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985201524638727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463562517360194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853797826242841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26429690400099304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084452953812609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383271469783373,0.0,0.4752086977132184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316532527629006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183747936205116,0.07513126236650358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509736353342954,0.0,0.08337263224846088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21521192076643814,0.0,0.0,0.08292910984764809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03826298290746898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5654917146428335,0.0,0.052278917146484485,0.07940374517729061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917269268099192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05807296433918496,0.06040487602221852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0530713635079798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05429692434051732,0.20515686713443887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844417365470076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241055245789615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478675269155942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746005144444383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254610499797443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531738429401597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462184260695021,0.18477963220191354,0.06216642444552688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012726687534852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055635971183604735,0.0,0.0,0.05043523142279945 bpd,irishspacecadet,2020/04/17,"Help with attaching any suggestions I feel like an abused dog most of the time, keen and eager to trust but unable to properly attach as I'm so afraid of my food/bone etc being taken away from me. This affects all of my life including my attachment to my house, job, car etc I can't relax and place my trust outside of myself. Has anybody any suggestions for dealing with this? Maybe dbt based? Thanks in advance",4.547666666666668,6.087539100000001,4.949999999999998,83.32166666666669,70.5,8.333333333333334,27.083333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.054708333333333,328,11,62,6,6,104,62,80,0.057999999999999996,0.715,0.228,0.9253,1,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,8,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,1,1,9,7,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,9,7,14,5,4,6,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,38,11,1,0.0,0.27044153724935194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31043865116789937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21445045893277315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23531799944308734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5091230856310393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541117237707285,0.16306341989489934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760034706760017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299264075700564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633723972852513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265050922303705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161221281657995,0.11151249723951487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22931001774833976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384749718097087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101439624707249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133095695504234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Tanzomat,2020/04/17,"Tired of being nice? Just want to go ape shit? Jk jk (almost) I’ve got “quiet” bpd; I can hide most of my symptoms to the outside world and I manage that by being super friendly and nice to everyone, even people I hate! Anyone else just put on a perpetual happy face? Anyone else tired of putting it on day after day even when you’re not ok? I do this in front of people that have slighted me and who I even despise and I want nothing more than to tell them “no” and let out even a fraction of how I really feel. I know it’d probably only lead to more problems in the end, but lately I just feel like I could explode.",2.3995348837209285,3.6018027906976755,4.168131782945739,88.1554534883721,75.35658914728683,6.4003100775193795,22.97751937984497,6.742157984588678,0.6033528682170544,476,13,102,4,10,161,85,129,0.126,0.7190000000000001,0.155,0.5806,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,9,11,3,0,4,1,8,5,2,2,0,22,16,8,0,4,5,0,2,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,3,0,0,5,2,4,0,0,1,3,13,7,18,10,3,17,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,2,7,68,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147258309229802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975740174805412,0.2895183030465602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793856125223947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128014378475088,0.0,0.0,0.18222920386764954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23604440954650055,0.0,0.12513309313058826,0.0,0.0,0.3732592557951165,0.0,0.0,0.13500011637089865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287190751694462,0.1009312242774206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915340382996463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029328761824872,0.0,0.11299537754747767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039632558958108,0.0,0.1394858066173955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776443809759788,0.0,0.15937120016201622,0.0,0.0,0.14446946564524116,0.0,0.06902279417340235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556299655317688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074506197207219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958930092861509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232488840254688,0.1351869030827131,0.0,0.2840529938739526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905082708278452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502298757438825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468451267619638,0.0,0.0,0.1234858819549402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32476361220207955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666624705103698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mrslovelyy,2020/04/17,"first time researching & considering that I could have BPD Hi everyone. Over the last few years I’ve been struggling hard with my moods, emotions, outlook, everything. Unfortunately, my partner has to struggle as well because I can be so hard to keep up with. Everyday is a mystery on how I’m going to feel towards him and life in general. Will I be angry? Freak out? Will I not care? Will I be overly happy and content? I really don’t know what to do from here and it feels like something is just off with the way my brain works.",2.2731381118881124,4.758787240384618,3.6415034965035,85.79440559440562,80.44230769230771,6.858741258741258,25.8006993006993,8.00094639256281,1.7360884615384626,419,17,82,8,11,137,80,104,0.18,0.745,0.075,-0.8686,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,5,8,0,2,3,0,15,2,1,1,0,16,22,6,0,1,2,0,4,1,1,3,1,0,0,1,3,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,3,1,1,1,4,10,4,17,14,1,15,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,6,59,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102569938401324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182932730341407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444037152352932,0.2166279942728002,0.0,0.0,0.1978505775497789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549360088099914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21828418038821606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18542653018011465,0.17440286246334166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962386609971256,0.1386319301620056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506189248981246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028513248759886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20657366493890206,0.3476678180441063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724837553422916,0.0,0.0,0.1066467832724196,0.1581795834735423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706579608011346,0.09480478662512604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431570478132703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493919413943211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4057339112253335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315421432899607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403071472649724,0.0,0.0,0.17447749073193616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127333150687724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496415569560833 bpd,UnicornsnRainbowz,2020/04/17,"Does Anyone else get extremes wrt self esteem? I mean one minute I think I’m ugly, crap and absolutely everything etc and literally a few hours later I think actually I’m quite pretty and I’m an excellent writer designer/friend? It’s weird and there seems to be no trigger so it’s not like someone boosted my confidence or devalued it... literally nothing relevant has happened? No official diagnosis to be transparent, just suspect it myself and had it mentioned as a possibility by past Psychologist/Therapist.",4.34130869130869,7.63125795604396,6.568231768231769,62.706313686313706,79.32967032967035,10.342057942057943,34.64635364635365,10.018931242160765,5.175013186813188,418,24,60,16,11,146,69,91,0.19699999999999998,0.696,0.107,-0.6938,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,1,0,3,0,4,1,1,1,0,14,13,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,5,2,4,10,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,4,36,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.21091551224500346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15112585077632246,0.2214547257841624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891402355606026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805521427797201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410464349561459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942472161812215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698451779530735,0.0,0.1129210440447844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19112649718007604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21284835820856496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559210796472032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23543318286977466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20738630968927144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645792668390284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063242670685015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436585016184505,0.0,0.21988588152488572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298850109504447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19676018843607654,0.2254747985310035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18312955515819945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250948120624728,0.0,0.27697975667336433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,karatecutie99,2020/04/17,TFW you finally un-FP someone just to realize you’re in love with them I guess I’m glad that I’m not attached to him like *that* anymore (at least for now) because I’ve been trying to get this guy to stop being my favorite person for a while. But man I wish I could just stop having feelings about him altogether.,1.8846666666666685,3.8114962615384655,3.5211538461538474,89.11301282051281,78.69230769230771,6.17948717948718,24.679487179487186,7.1686216300943375,1.0092564102564103,247,9,52,3,6,82,50,65,0.064,0.7120000000000001,0.22399999999999998,0.9001,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,12,11,2,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,8,3,10,8,1,7,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,1,6,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747609714722119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688882253934022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221203344081146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008573082518705,0.0,0.0,0.3034967399641218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474814742017975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30520382824350323,0.2743248718829479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535353077344156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500500953661079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419109734702505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347451183370044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4632554745208242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18810000788877693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185959340795308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LokiMeNotYou,2020/04/17,"DAE. Stuck with my husband. I guess there are married people here. I've made this mistake of getting married although I knew I have bpd and now I am stuck with this person and I can't do nothing about it. I hate him, I can't even look at him. And I remember there was a time I loved him. But now I don't know what to do. I try to remain calm, but I feel I need to scream. And I am not sure how I got here, is it true I stopped loving him or it's just a fucking phase of my bpd? DAE is in this situation now?",-1.5545962732919278,0.2819848260869584,1.1579192546583847,101.39141304347828,92.04347826086956,3.9813664596273295,17.77950310559006,5.288315135182226,-0.7963540372670805,385,11,101,2,14,132,67,115,0.12,0.738,0.141,0.6475,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,11,9,2,0,2,0,12,3,0,2,2,23,27,9,0,2,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,6,3,22,5,10,21,0,7,0,0,1,3,8,2,1,2,5,72,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5163102894885672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538211803108968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364003649732932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18949337434660526,0.10708944582135106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639348876427815,0.0,0.2257998420820893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20236748203241808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126472883020562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212491390936582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699905887237533,0.1939495271237578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198419151629472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19667622774326404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210182382831618,0.17897370397309165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321933965641789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23039719285845603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136582721205118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931837487086644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195208614173693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916257971390533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,desperatehousewife11,2020/04/17,"BPD and relationships My fiancée and I are trying to start new after two years. I have had major issues with my BPD. I am currently in awesome therapy, and my new medication has been helping immensely. (Thank God). I’m wondering if anyone has advice on the following: An issue which was huge for me was I was always making myself very available to him. I am very outgoing and he is more introvert. How do I avoid falling back into that same pattern? Also- any boundary I ever set in our relationship seemed to pertain to his ex (baby mama, that’s another story for another post lol). How can I make him see that it is important to me and may be a trigger in the future? Thanks everyone!",2.9151048951048963,5.339233121212125,5.265454545454548,75.39702797202798,77.63636363636364,8.303962703962704,27.57808857808858,9.057496981413335,2.8558291375291374,540,23,92,14,13,189,96,132,0.028999999999999998,0.848,0.12300000000000001,0.9126,1,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,4,1,17,1,0,5,1,19,27,9,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,5,1,18,2,14,20,3,19,0,0,1,0,9,6,0,4,9,72,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477419032865513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847854985628074,0.1232758398618258,0.0,0.0,0.10074967250808506,0.3107043791086025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359259003373697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392113636816288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37318907945599067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401360483653532,0.0,0.14156731627016347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993043771735682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30926817612628005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977876397635052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492493789257209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861757494910474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418903983115963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181234979456348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805940655193725,0.13487366609295404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486403061192416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27280024982489826,0.16942679564946578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005867132138633,0.0,0.14472474664321527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24448482149284326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606664891956636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540619745518658 bpd,MAD2047,2020/04/17,"NSFW; Sexual preferences I recently read an article that says most people with kinks were not actually abused as children like people tend to think, but it is linked to childhood/emotional neglect. Since childhood neglect is thought to be a prominent aspect of BPD, I was wondering if you guys have kinky desires? I do and have been experiencing kinky thoughts since childhood. It is also said that most kinky people tend to begin having these thoughts before the age of ten, which definitely resonates with me. I have been diagnosed with BPD since the age of 18.",8.514545454545452,9.488977575757577,7.770252525252527,68.74204545454548,61.12121212121213,11.044444444444444,37.71212121212121,10.864195022040775,4.4398606060606065,456,21,71,11,6,142,67,99,0.076,0.828,0.096,0.0261,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,13,1,0,0,0,19,22,5,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,6,4,0,2,7,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,8,3,6,1,11,13,2,6,0,2,0,0,5,0,0,4,7,48,12,1,0.0,0.20074727662622768,0.1653395952532476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549340137970908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417276116263258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4267832261163869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17196825361651955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19058635550316166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776269878595093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277511789907557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523850446824041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694762148911583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672920448389098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116707592456747,0.1347378263892737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4204636453967057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856413635550877,0.0,0.4035263518783549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18374000302386986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,secretaccount61234,2020/04/17,"I wanna reach out to my ex to apologize and explain myself but I can't tell if I'm just lonely and I should continue to never speak to him again I've been holding back the urge. I even typed out everything I would say in an email the other day - all I gotta do is press send. Waited on it. But I keep walking around with this guilt that he ""deserves an explanation."" I cut him off one year ago with no contact since then. He didn't want to go no contact. Is what I'm thinking is rational or is BPD just telling me to do it because I'm lonely and I want the attention?",1.1795529061102847,2.8339014262295086,3.2436512667660224,91.56133383010432,79.81967213114754,6.403576751117736,23.38599105812221,7.348242739294969,0.8185803278688524,442,15,101,6,11,150,82,122,0.172,0.809,0.019,-0.9533,0,4,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,1,5,0,11,0,0,0,2,27,22,8,0,6,6,1,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,6,8,0,3,3,0,0,3,5,4,0,1,2,3,14,0,15,17,1,17,0,2,0,0,15,6,0,2,8,69,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285101970411657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294826492188416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19822018765225105,0.0,0.15714289522963468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.324670257503727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166249524914781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17026407575992014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23167987528686915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650473839609926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22913049913451114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988191170039709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468128942061145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20500039416904486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21324180781287527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4506296196871232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16517774808984878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040956768224294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18312254560896624,0.0,0.0,0.16600461482088855 bpd,Zmajsystem,2020/04/17,"DAE get scared when they have fun I really hate going to online communities for help (my heart is literally pounding just as I'm typing; I prefer to do the helping...) but I haven't had a therapist since the beginning of March and I feel so trapped since I have no one to talk to about my issues... Anyway, everytime I get happy and start feeling okay, something always inevitably comes and makes me feel horrible later. Ex: Today I was actually feeling okay, I was just chilling and playing some animal crossing, I'd done all the mandatory chores for the day so there was nothing that I had to worry about, but for some reason, a few hours after I was done playing, I just got flooded with so much self hatred and disgust, I legitimately hate myself right now but I have no logical reason to, and I think thats the only reason I'm not a complete mess right now, but I know it would only take one little mistake to send me over the edge currently... It seems like if I get okay, then later I'll be not okay; If I have the best night ever, the next few days will be the worst days of my life- If anyone else ever gets this way or has any advice it'd really help- Thank you for reading at the least (My first post, I'm sorry if I did something wrong-)",4.808019999999999,5.307587192,5.89095,80.65722500000003,69.08,8.49,27.225,8.472884824447931,1.8011799999999996,978,29,193,14,16,326,146,250,0.182,0.657,0.161,-0.9171,1,1,2,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,1,2,15,19,3,1,13,4,22,2,1,4,3,42,46,21,0,7,14,1,4,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,6,8,0,0,12,3,0,4,5,8,0,3,10,4,27,11,20,31,9,32,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,8,22,132,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.1051728955326621,0.0,0.0,0.10531652498005904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089677469711782,0.0,0.0,0.0732907252138184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535881617621216,0.11042826813542636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310325876100265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092838656756173,0.1130000824034592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20851796078225013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22058257600178569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003221929315275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19497739382129609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179772006989656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167339678171252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22523204751228704,0.0,0.06125104078934139,0.0,0.08619754757176727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472853767119692,0.0,0.2128110850629689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771394523774365,0.21671801918879607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613670803010536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248914437925847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059230345241735524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612470037582457,0.05265344223305317,0.1080189069153841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194067829567123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922705758752008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461998124030942,0.10113957726381996,0.0,0.10341306076395887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606231717241844,0.16393555393186168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321869971636798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780420876631293,0.0,0.13808690496287884,0.3324320832892431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18407859622607486,0.0,0.0,0.10790161986060956,0.0,0.0,0.09811435168095192,0.1124328750348283,0.0,0.0,0.17830525908351208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594098750294176,0.0,0.12064533731164727,0.07628373036920011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103341979872118,0.08662549736567647,0.0,0.0992247798451809,0.0,0.12513513204246382,0.0,0.06905789598687997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021581392518694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554681286332921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945078800536727,0.0,0.07656029854964379,0.11783509104862945,0.0,0.0 bpd,wandererinok,2020/04/17,"Ruined my anniversary Ten year anniversary with the wife was today. Just got diagnosed with BPD on Tuesday, but have lived with this pain for what feels like forever. We have two kids and she’s pregnant with our third, yet I still found a way to fuck up today because in my opinion she “wasn’t affectionate enough”. It’s like if she doesn’t act at all times like she would die for me I lose my mind. I know I’ve pushed her away with years of erratic behavior which we now know the reason for, but I’m afraid I’ve damaged things too much. Now she’s asleep. Went to bed pissed. And I’m pacing around the house wondering why I cannot stop fucking everything up.",2.632944862155391,4.6511863233082735,3.1941541353383482,91.90270989974935,76.74436090225564,7.140100250626568,22.36152882205514,8.07648339933343,0.9720431077694238,523,15,113,9,12,163,94,133,0.201,0.695,0.10400000000000001,-0.9567,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,3,0,0,1,8,12,3,1,4,0,7,6,2,1,1,25,18,5,1,2,4,1,1,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,5,10,0,1,6,0,0,3,3,8,0,3,5,1,17,4,18,12,3,22,0,3,0,2,11,7,3,3,14,68,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751086142174355,0.0,0.0,0.15568348679822408,0.0,0.0,0.10101105212326876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20869721316805284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818512578260178,0.17197362322338286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17121556424704354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892323273232566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378444989369851,0.11837830473675524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18168486101706025,0.0,0.3063796321326099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252788057335027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911990925075556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18213214509332687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428624468078286,0.0,0.14631884467769934,0.0,0.0,0.18537934765149855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731286183104452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218108208634912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17631974706133186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037035149298882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233068398284142,0.13853518436294918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008575530147616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662279137593037,0.0,0.3141342662236453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186781963138014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315273823671454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360840394743389,0.14952124521516832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796979085964077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771070510329144,0.0,0.0,0.21341468573392675 bpd,suckmydickbitxh,2020/04/17,"Gonna explode Hi sorry if I don’t type I’m gonna cry and I’m tired of it. Basically I’m tearing myself apart right now just like any other night. I can’t stop these past two weeks with be really really negative in my head. Usually it’s more sporadic but at times it’ll become constant and it’s been constant for a fucking while now. All I can think about is how my boyfriend shouldn’t be with me. That I’m too ugly too fat too stupid and no where near comparable to his ex. I mean I just can’t stop. I’m insane. We spent three weeks together because of covid and he left today to see his family and I’m like losing my mind. I feel like I do everything wrong. I’m sorry I’m not even talking I know I’m just rambling my emotions but it’s all I have. I just keep getting into spirals like this. I can’t stop. I cry and cry. Even when he’s beside me. I just keep thinking he’d rather be kissing and holding and fucking someone else. And how disgusting I am.",-0.8692753623188416,1.2718025314009689,1.7512415458937198,94.79671739130436,96.14975845410628,4.692367149758455,18.977294685990337,6.42735559955562,0.1101775845410633,752,25,169,10,30,257,117,207,0.24100000000000002,0.6829999999999999,0.076,-0.9869,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,1,18,11,4,0,1,0,16,6,2,2,2,40,39,16,0,3,10,1,1,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,9,13,1,6,5,0,1,0,8,6,0,2,2,2,25,5,12,29,3,24,0,1,1,3,9,8,2,1,20,99,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245279188884745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391165014384665,0.13390888047529173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620520090227714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3995556753930482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128713857056737,0.1363876707353745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601663095393877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896987650984688,0.0,0.11430181544997392,0.0,0.061306627521120184,0.08661958924699874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241836284781101,0.06334707115412806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443541917154405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155415714412928,0.0,0.0,0.06663472513709852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173629736870784,0.0,0.0,0.2369425764041883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564548828569006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207460764691106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242590734656073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378302631787104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574492723985196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534913598225156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035451221252077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661895107566276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027330296063278,0.0,0.0,0.2714543991943341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30410624968301475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974545426549192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538163415564965,0.0,0.0,0.07070067880675537,0.13935672975686328,0.11492891864437645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184416695268324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335375326849325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19451565018989425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256564471276636,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lynnabis,2020/04/17,"Tired of taking care of others. I’m kind of tired of taking care of others. In my relationship I give so much, I leave nothing left for myself. It becomes the standard, the expected, the usual...that I give all of myself until I burn out. I’m tired of it. Maybe I just want to be alone, be single. Not be a part of a partnership where I give and give and burn out. Am I alone here? Is anyone else craving being single, just so they can rest? Recoup, do things they enjoy for them self for a change? I’m exhausted, sorry for this rant.",1.1978482068390301,3.276250853211013,3.1057381150959134,90.44516263552963,81.75229357798165,5.431526271893245,17.248540450375312,6.574015621080383,-0.1361816513761469,409,8,86,4,11,137,64,109,0.188,0.7170000000000001,0.095,-0.8227,0,2,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,3,0,6,5,0,0,6,0,8,4,0,0,1,11,20,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,13,4,17,16,6,6,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,1,65,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280781658789955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947810005951009,0.13888888226940688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970636119277358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27640827666759005,0.0,0.1433958767122825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323617147128445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5201347189675432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115638555066648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352982994754626,0.1472774743995965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361800460331031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964620164403803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006564953051866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678943689789126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455319508773802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141013535386196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173919081734374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20383623310128549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900546215282497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4673907102854359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929120481005767,0.0,0.07995198922439342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dude10113,2020/04/17,Deleting apps and joining again. Does anyone delete social media apps/dating apps every few months because they think they are a waste of time and that they are bad for you and after a couple days will pass and you are just back on them again. And then the cycle repeats it’s self.,7.004848484848488,6.6392802727272775,5.934545454545454,85.16848484848488,64.45454545454545,7.333333333333332,25.60606060606061,3.1291,0.5770606060606052,225,4,43,0,3,67,42,55,0.114,0.8859999999999999,0.0,-0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,4,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,5,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,4,4,1,11,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,9,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23597684939678304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595045729728879,0.2817852698124521,0.2057272793719228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734199271458267,0.0,0.21764943561471695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953347600855935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843450541519394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693767255680901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520696975560502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440227141992555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162462940347876,0.0,0.0,0.1967897925747076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwthisawayyyyy--,2020/04/17,"Learning to love myself I got to a really low point in my life last year and I haven’t been the same since.. At first I was really hard on myself but I realized that even though the people around me might not be the greatest, I’m living for myself. Not others. They won’t be feeling what I feel. So recently, I decided that I’m gonna try to love myself by the end of the year. It’s really hard but I’m making pretty good progress. I’m still VERY insecure but I haven’t told myself I’m ugly, worthless, or cried for a few weeks. I don’t love myself yet but I’m getting there!",0.09131336405530276,2.196865596774199,2.614285714285714,92.095,86.58064516129032,5.8009216589861765,16.921658986175114,7.1686216300943375,0.10712396313364092,450,10,100,7,14,155,77,124,0.188,0.614,0.198,0.5451,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,2,7,7,0,1,7,0,9,4,0,1,0,17,25,8,0,0,7,0,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,4,4,17,4,11,16,3,15,0,2,0,3,5,6,0,2,9,67,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186969778493273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873955074274092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110049411001036,0.0,0.0,0.11267934119337727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725204362823581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511182231492725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913118201580099,0.0,0.0,0.14309074167872413,0.13644398098393576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30564723253581144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390613379298227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049945112230598,0.0,0.0,0.1506424578316998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4619180478721172,0.0,0.11387647117423386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18097907841313765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827219225270935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127164208714526,0.0,0.0,0.17356099294589078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32787116743429345,0.0,0.16844639568091527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112164478618508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624095738068276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16761311342187896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630151047833831,0.0,0.11582584191313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076242964705507,0.0,0.0,0.13684460470014587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21972093114290725 bpd,aborderlinekendoll,2020/04/17,"I feel like I’m going to burst I don’t like that my girlfriend has male friends. I don’t like that most of the communication she has with them is on Snapchat. I don’t like that I’m constantly convincing myself that she’s cheating on me when I damn well know she probably isn’t. I don’t like any of it. I KNOW that I’m better looking than any of them. I KNOW that she chose me because she likes my qualities more than anyone’s she’s met yet. I KNOW that she’s willing to do pretty much anything to make me feel secure. But do I believe any of it? NO. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA",0.8182263191354089,2.9847994049586783,2.2780165289256225,95.30835346471711,83.87603305785125,5.375969485060395,21.704386522568345,6.67199483983844,0.3051304513668147,452,15,103,5,13,146,59,121,0.07400000000000001,0.672,0.254,0.961,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,1,3,13,2,0,1,0,11,0,0,1,0,10,24,2,0,0,1,0,2,6,2,1,0,0,0,1,9,1,0,1,6,0,0,1,6,2,1,0,1,3,25,11,12,22,3,6,0,0,1,0,13,2,1,1,9,66,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756515251762689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875050765056792,0.0,0.15152627914863845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224614501131802,0.0,0.0,0.20745553358832614,0.0,0.16285122245191602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989830273578735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18620698061801874,0.131545094129506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226117719430906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464737897836936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047800857359571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5397503114595393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462586463400818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229106204327244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535939657281792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18733008764611167,0.19852718449252132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16555823694434024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,that-bitch-periodt,2020/04/17,"i’m finding it so hard to acknowledge that i have bpd. i dont jnow who i am i feel like it’s conpeletelt changed everything i thought i knew about myself. i genuinely don’t know how to act or think anymore and i feel like it’s just destined me to always be unhappy. idk :/",0.09113300492610676,2.3229400344827624,2.289704433497537,93.40431034482759,88.3103448275862,6.072906403940888,25.52709359605912,7.447530270364453,1.3748541871921187,214,10,48,4,7,72,42,58,0.158,0.748,0.094,-0.3541,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,12,12,4,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,8,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,10,2,4,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,29,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22594489753993585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26929693777239383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34199794710470993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872556860574002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31824548443846185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24404465731720096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745998322447045,0.3879796628535285,0.0,0.0,0.2481846891269616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432485118546351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492325143640923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653236459214929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739933038167462,0.0,0.2155742080132192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ctrlkathy,2020/04/17,"Is it possible for someone with BPD to have a career in support services? I have to go back to school soon (dropped out last year due to, well, my mental illness) but I feel like I need some direction, and rather than fantasizing about working min. wage, saving up and travelling, I want to pursue something more stable. Stability is, I realized, important for me. I've always been good at problem solving (especially when the problem didn't involve me), I am empathetic, I'm a great listener because I hate talking about myself, and I truly just want to be useful. Have a meaningful purpose. I've been thinking about becoming an addiction/mental health worker, give back to the community in a fulfulling manner which just makes me feel good. But the thing is, sometimes I myself have problems. I'm afraid my illness will keep me from doing my job right. Tell me I'm wrong... that maybe I can support others while trying to support myself. Borderline is having to fight to be ""normal"" everyday, and being aware of yourself and your patterns. But for how long would I be able to do that before it takes over, and I'm exhausted with myself, and everything comes tumbling down? It's anxiety but also... I am truly wondering. Anyone have any honest advice? I'd love to hear from those that do work in counselling/addiction/mental health services.",5.491450053705691,7.464024551020413,6.055273899033297,74.61622986036522,68.79591836734693,8.586466165413535,32.078410311493016,9.134995656068208,3.1453673469387766,1065,47,171,21,19,345,150,245,0.098,0.665,0.237,0.9902,2,0,1,0,1,0,45.0,0,1,0,3,13,19,2,1,8,0,25,6,0,3,0,38,50,15,0,9,7,0,2,1,0,2,5,2,0,0,10,11,0,1,6,1,1,3,1,8,1,0,3,4,25,11,32,41,2,24,0,0,0,1,9,9,0,2,12,124,35,9,0.11846628708445672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576388466164872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473744698074936,0.09857344099066012,0.0,0.0,0.0805611375995128,0.0,0.09062638536312248,0.0,0.0,0.08283438240782454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218652456089995,0.0,0.07221594904236192,0.13083670666130415,0.1008060848545396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920414147389374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204821660132583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646986008122186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980022852710903,0.08463233916381928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364365733645468,0.06732712100675395,0.19872780202304235,0.0,0.1306094997333462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696093234473165,0.0,0.2518482468748932,0.13352011541167386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755951028335153,0.10529827915776067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656583545854328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05787664390616825,0.0,0.0,0.10483893615309464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069204493263746,0.0,0.07907716653467001,0.0,0.11901530832756665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938615381304332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784125079225152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160718085683972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13355293880100672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400687125548538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116956188133047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198942071426879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037610060902796,0.09120113553674468,0.11716618710164485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4033024160832743,0.0,0.0,0.08907190457617455,0.09521871413528772,0.10354475652478368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787037371459077,0.07590841330470215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804308325990289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231683571716636,0.0,0.0,0.13974897095614738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651541931805512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284716349096201,0.172489735848308,0.0,0.0,0.08415505138097265,0.12952428777754732,0.0,0.07628840481259905 bpd,B1ffyclyr0,2020/04/18,"How best to come clean about your actions and let people know. I am totally new to this and I’m sorry if I break any rules. I have In the past created a series of intricate and complex lies to my family and friends to make sure that they are proud of me and that they love me and it’s caused me pretty severe anxiety. It’s all started to come crashing down and I am worried that I will double down so I avoid the pain of hurting myself and my family and friends but I am terrified if I am totally open and honest that they will never speak to me again. Has anyone had anything similar? Has anyone got any tips for telling people? I’m really really scared to hurt everyone.",2.6026399026763976,4.483234124087595,4.366149635036496,84.0937986618005,76.37226277372264,8.070316301703164,24.55535279805353,8.841846274778883,1.9027717761557184,533,18,106,12,12,180,83,137,0.18899999999999997,0.654,0.158,-0.7803,0,1,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,3,2,4,12,0,2,3,0,12,2,0,3,5,27,21,15,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,1,0,7,13,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,5,0,0,2,1,19,7,15,16,5,13,0,2,0,1,9,4,0,2,5,78,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21567696336995468,0.0,0.12131174024305096,0.0,0.0,0.221762857286827,0.0,0.13049618689365688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664178334001532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290329408148296,0.0,0.2732018207501884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152808006960325,0.0,0.0,0.2989864612123317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24503394752601898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268293174612415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395220695834287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871503247090466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215675472279725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431228413599453,0.0,0.10585205012175107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230513394885804,0.15315562597832974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873817854764886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138064982820906,0.2198760445112186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133084152546334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031782620288088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876424777038314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791480089023357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751509430564366,0.112242328565876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945789359195474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860416650994328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104366225452182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lunaduffy,2020/04/18,"My BPD mother is super triggering So I live with my dad, and only see my mom once a week. This is because I used to live with her full time, but we had too many issues so I moved in with my dad. Usually things go fine at my moms, but today I had to leave early and she took it very personally. I tried to make it clear that I wasn’t leaving because of her, but almost immediately she formed a narrative that I was trying to hurt her. She tried to gaslight me into thinking that I was an emotionless monster out to get her and got even more upset and disregulated when I made it clear I wasn’t going to let myself be manipulated. We had our usual back and forth, and i cracked and raised my voice at her. I always try not to let her see me get upset because it just fuels her narrative that I’m the problem child. Regardless, I felt bad for letting her get to me, so I sent her this text (I’ll update y’all if she responds with something interesting): “I’m sorry that things escalated, but I won’t let you treat me like that. You tried to gaslight me into thinking I was the issue, and I don’t deserve that. I’m sorry, I love spending time over there, but I won’t force myself to be in an environment that puts me down. I’m sure that you’ve changed, but the behavior that I saw in you and myself reminded me of the old days and I didn’t like it. I’m sorry i got so worked up and acted unskillfully. I truly wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings. At the same time though, I think you jumped to a conclusion way too fast, and made yourself the victim. When in reality, there is no victim, and there is no villain. I apologized, and I feel like I deserve an apology too. You don’t have to respond, but I wanted to clear up what I failed to say earlier. “ My mom has a habit of making me feel like I’m the one causing fights and being irrational, so it takes a lot for me to set boundaries about how I should be treated. She’s put me down for so long, and it was really shitty to feel like that again. Anyway, and advice for dealing with borderline moms is much appreciated. My therapist is gonna get the whole story soon lmao",3.9078885214926804,4.444041739726028,5.440984096992601,82.95431506849316,71.10045662100457,8.415808534089122,26.747283892300423,8.53829466247534,1.6662554558337273,1654,51,354,26,29,562,203,438,0.14,0.73,0.129,-0.6332,0,0,1,0,1,0,44.0,3,7,0,4,23,23,4,2,16,0,32,1,0,9,4,66,68,35,0,5,10,7,5,5,0,4,0,2,0,2,23,27,0,0,9,0,1,9,11,11,0,1,19,10,75,12,46,37,7,45,0,3,3,1,42,16,0,3,23,250,98,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755060080970471,0.0,0.0,0.07737336857821987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429368758096213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059414804707333076,0.06451607608879853,0.14130671363695912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731713087521346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937616462141081,0.08173996198327546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04983187218462128,0.07966056165274232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051035199440420564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627735803155374,0.1656021678484428,0.07418999932379709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16147867399154395,0.0,0.0878270828375367,0.0,0.12359755937886842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543532676740208,0.0,0.0,0.16129674327819682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636326387113405,0.0,0.31604962514539026,0.0,0.18874774098077565,0.0,0.13645922665525506,0.0683803034529977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569102358068363,0.06973795269719117,0.14622688641735035,0.10315481713678867,0.0783382600560461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619843285997784,0.0,0.08212432224137667,0.05680133153691865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108042612540746,0.08228856605188922,0.05235922142884166,0.05876627274265251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746798476560961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393564074773934,0.0,0.15535262388202406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049500261075825815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061447113579814965,0.0,0.0,0.12314618354013016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05948516412026269,0.0,0.2594877057797633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282476657464228,0.0,0.058096391355603086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971483150447979,0.10266768485828967,0.14853184876364903,0.0759160337797413,0.0,0.13516787346299752,0.0,0.07324162367673473,0.0,0.08584828775368487,0.31476195439836185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673528491812943,0.17020095257127096,0.06375470955609254,0.04557503820560967,0.061332239607774126,0.06198023186195141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626766269930304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056252480770173086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,initiateme,2020/04/18,"Do you experience BPD rage? How does it manifest for you? How do you overcome it? I’ve had a really shit day today, and it’s really triggered my bpd rage which has been quelled somewhat by medication over the past few months. I’m really disappointed in myself but all I want to do is rant, rant, rant and call out everyone I love and tell them to fuck off. Either that or turn off my phone and never turn it on again. I am quietly radiating so much anger right now that I feel like an emotional electrical fire waiting to happen. I just don’t know what to do.",3.9723230088495565,4.999516353982301,5.582466814159293,80.19724004424779,71.3008849557522,9.897787610619467,26.514380530973447,10.125756701596842,2.4861690265486724,440,14,92,12,8,150,81,113,0.242,0.665,0.09300000000000001,-0.9638,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,1,0,6,8,5,0,3,0,10,4,1,3,2,19,20,9,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,8,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,3,12,2,12,18,5,14,0,1,0,2,8,7,2,2,8,63,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4496620166942625,0.0,0.18228184058313646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512618559891542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562180223780288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20080321747835164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17057692316407444,0.0,0.1746200720261802,0.0,0.0,0.09026159030806613,0.12752979887161658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503249033308715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785855042960828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810613474935256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721248673548683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111504813144384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17983317415380096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248745840388047,0.0,0.13122767317586229,0.0,0.137680312629733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041095922559646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430802011229072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244921747562148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832411384041852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560283232660712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920955186540046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3883419968406896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529165526227068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,empanada_de_queso,2020/04/18,"Missing casual sex I (39f) know this sounds like r/ihavesex bullshit, but I’m in lockdown and starting to get really affected by not being able to hook up with random people. I don’t actually miss the sex, I miss the validation I get from getting people to sleep with me. For me, sex is the best way I know to get someone’s undivided attention, and also fill the void inside. How can I replace it (in a healthy way)? I know I should have learnt healthy coping tactics before, but it’s always been like this for me, unless I’m in a relationship, because then I get my validation from them. Anyone else having this problem?",5.167128099173553,6.005385247933887,6.5947004132231415,74.72114152892563,68.42148760330579,9.02520661157025,31.65392561983471,9.188382445141503,2.8317512396694213,489,20,89,9,8,167,77,121,0.114,0.73,0.156,0.8091,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,1,2,8,0,0,6,0,8,4,1,2,0,17,22,8,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,1,14,4,16,19,1,9,0,3,0,3,2,4,0,1,4,58,19,0,0.1911918123555095,0.0,0.18657562910847628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528960232650017,0.159086903936537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336857606300318,0.19589860576129348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654875423367472,0.0,0.16269015037216816,0.0,0.2006440114696604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971622602551247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4994491540235376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31522205991819763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868133240908605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650966587861604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829447434059576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248237074109285,0.0,0.0,0.20526845493146886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913298887958492,0.0,0.16199620216794125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353265488440873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30351832280293106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mystic_bex,2020/04/18,"Has anyone had a partner who has their own mental health issue? So I started talking this guy, and he has just told me that he had anorexia in the past and does have OCD. And in all honesty it worries me. I’m in a good place now, but I was so unbelievably unstable just shy of 2 years ago... and I can’t allow myself to relapse. I’m scared of having a partner with MH issues and them relapsing, or me relapsing, and it all being too much for me. So I was wondering, does anyone have any experience in dating someone who has their own MH issue?",3.413986486486486,4.420807549549547,5.235664414414416,82.2383614864865,72.60360360360359,7.712162162162162,27.388513513513516,8.07648339933343,1.7394945945945943,422,15,85,6,8,145,70,111,0.11699999999999999,0.8270000000000001,0.057,-0.8277,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,0,7,2,0,1,4,0,13,1,0,1,2,15,18,11,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,6,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,12,1,9,12,5,11,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,2,6,64,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237341041385372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456514713346807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561601620780247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32059500838403643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791801054803517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363833379297195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18137185332471173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947062495767611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.573560710975679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184597117897582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465455631049586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486107579014387,0.0,0.0,0.1913786819996189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18338993255509792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520341586044062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296520681110362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722896783167425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17503137371556204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986452597597232,0.0,0.18602290360734566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795856728463633 bpd,wormxxxx,2020/04/18,"BPD and healing from trauma advice needed Hello, I recently went through a traumatic event and my therapist wants me to go into it with her because I’m home in quarantine and can be kept safe. She wants me to write her a letter talking about what has happened but when I try to it either triggers my BPD because very close to me did it to me or I just have massive panic attacks. I was wondering if anyone here had coping advice or advice on how to separate from a close person because I’m struggling at the moment. Any advice is so helpful and much appreciated! Healing from trauma is really scary but I know I want to do it.",4.412840501792115,5.713390588709679,5.9607526881720485,76.86668458781365,70.53225806451613,8.091756272401435,29.90681003584229,8.515128840125781,2.448321863799284,499,20,88,8,9,170,82,124,0.179,0.73,0.091,-0.9218,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,2,4,0,10,2,0,2,0,26,22,12,0,5,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,5,8,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,5,0,15,1,17,16,2,12,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,4,4,67,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5886946548551889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241948780593713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530952357085166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17133982006440915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275430091954775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793742790537058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559473530822867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318330554571794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095023828676228,0.0,0.15107340664132285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277093185432986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071516395577137,0.11167488670653623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670756157112374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150623045227244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648417339127828,0.0,0.14870851293690232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744953990425628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105404940725527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748690041328865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225382764018254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426844460270348,0.2664997997773176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961632888988867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633293600004255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,purplecarbs,2020/04/18,"Destroying my Relationships and Uncertainty About Therapy Hi everyone. This is my first post here and although there are quite a few members, I often see little interaction with other posts, so I am just going to go out on a limb to hope that maybe some people can offer some advice. For a while now, but especially during quarantine, I have noticed that I (18F) have horrible toxic behavior. Examples would include being controlling, jealous, angry, depressed, pushing people away and isolating myself when things don’t go my way. My boyfriend (18M) of almost 2 years is the most amazing, patient, and loving human in the world, and he recently did some research and believes that I have BPD. He is patient and understanding, but I know he will only be this way for so long. Same thing for my best friend(s) (18Fs). I am constantly getting annoyed with them and almost like triggered by them. Especially with the fact that my boyfriend and my best friends are also best friends. I trust my boyfriend with my entirety and he has never given me a reason to doubt him (I am actually his first girlfriend so no ex problems), but I feel so jealous and annoyed when he talks to them. I keep yelling at one of my best friends whom my boyfriend talks to regularly as a friend, and I just wish they never became friends but I know my friend needs him as a good friend to count on and likewise for my boyfriend. I keep threatening my friendship with her and my relationship with him because I have so much anxiety and jealousy on the whole situation. Not only jealousy with my boyfriend however, I get jealous of my friends when they are able to obtain things that I cannot. Like if they are being more successful or having nice things, I just feel like it’s so unfair, and I get jealous and angry and cannot be happy for them. But deep inside, I am happy for them, they deserve it, while on the outside I am salty and will say negative things impulsively. I absolutely hate this factor for me because I hate pushing my friends away or making them think I am the mean, ungrateful friend. In this aspect, I am also a very sore loser. I read another person’s post about getting angry for losing even though it’s just a game and it’s to spend time together. But I get so angry because I think I am not good at anything at all (well I actually suck at Mario Kart, but I shouldn’t get mad) and that everyone else is just so much better than me. As well, I am not officially diagnosed with BPD, but I know that I show many symptoms. I am trying my best to find a good place to get diagnosed and receive treatment. However, I am afraid of scams or going to the wrong one and I have anxiety about insurance and all that because my family could not afford medical bills, especially not right now. I also have some doubts about therapy because it’s not tangible like medication, so I am afraid of not being able to get better. I also do want to get better, but no matter how hard I try, I always revert to my old ways of getting mad (this is without therapy, but one would think if you really wanted to be better you’d be able to fix yourself right?). I have started researching a little bit more on BPD, but I still feel alone and am uncertain. I am afraid of being alone, but I cannot keep pushing people away while trying to keep them, it’s so confusing. I guess right now I just need some relatability, reassurance, guidance, and whatever advice anyone can offer. Thank you for listening.",5.988203136239393,6.7118925045317255,6.563789382822616,76.07715005035249,66.55287009063444,9.628024744641062,32.529276363113226,9.66644846860713,3.0729584520212923,2746,111,500,55,42,898,270,662,0.195,0.619,0.187,-0.3345,3,3,0,0,1,0,80.0,0,3,11,17,42,62,12,7,17,0,55,7,0,5,5,119,101,69,0,13,31,1,4,4,11,5,6,3,0,2,26,35,0,5,13,3,2,8,18,24,2,5,2,8,92,38,66,84,21,58,0,3,1,1,53,23,1,20,25,374,118,4,0.1505926293919031,0.0,0.0979711220256979,0.0,0.0,0.09810491636544807,0.0,0.0,0.10053117685049633,0.10397903179284088,0.0,0.16057182842278195,0.041768377126026435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052636500776883824,0.07680196619643545,0.0,0.0,0.035099289307951906,0.0,0.04130830088864571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148673251991575,0.0,0.0,0.15299978187842106,0.0,0.0,0.056555441410098974,0.26339612286649106,0.1775825905558896,0.05480271604896656,0.0,0.18966614497419493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05424571112031109,0.05630081300473565,0.04007865357855173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043235070343234885,0.10189889925522408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04193360607759716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0331550038134795,0.0,0.0,0.09593180725954567,0.0,0.0,0.047321776196629764,0.0,0.07614415822277967,0.03586113484246856,0.0,0.0,0.04587964501622933,0.08539600908698157,0.0,0.0,0.4266074703257236,0.0,0.2622614445856829,0.0,0.11411368225589966,0.12630995271502032,0.0,0.0,0.05529825307944684,0.0,0.0,0.10687243616416392,0.04496713884274952,0.09911936282409572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04985748672118926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784715310891778,0.0,0.0,0.08276177077629526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809593599114094,0.10062225116929546,0.0,0.04442324604604978,0.0,0.05615821072892201,0.0,0.0,0.045305242518330666,0.0,0.03350724983000895,0.05089242991852516,0.05043017908309734,0.054679840383289685,0.0,0.1011374873094684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380194000871068,0.07444168436121182,0.07743087968543734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057150235561302935,0.05267387737995827,0.0,0.10204546304383508,0.07635498707754494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440196783998328,0.04383055845217111,0.05244574856907781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422611130981464,0.0,0.0,0.04803226944973702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05339126605714715,0.05021112729870717,0.0,0.03215783151103742,0.05161143472729463,0.049564017964775525,0.10778675083242034,0.0,0.12860528267653756,0.0,0.03991910107933312,0.0,0.0,0.04000094277729755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564241416734437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03553007939319958,0.0,0.040087822786934485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052174467608714435,0.0,0.08069376743853016,0.0,0.04621515346207359,0.17221579598743014,0.0,0.16674508576044353,0.09649367625046676,0.04931883125900095,0.0,0.029270591077421467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224251019729093,0.0,0.0,0.052257412710430835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04141823019477373,0.05921562302388881,0.11953341970137107,0.0,0.0,0.09026723951403726,0.0,0.0,0.056043764247740664,0.0577246972759349,0.0483886402744276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131778880426112,0.05488313327101136,0.0,0.03232557198502915 bpd,Whimsical_wytch_,2020/04/18,"I have never had a ""best friend"". Anyone else? Making friends was always difficult for me since I started school. I have agoraphobia and was not diagnosed until I was 20. Long story about that but I've made a lot of progress now thankfully. I made a few ""friends"" but we never got close. I ended up just following my cousin around and she wasn't always very kind or wanted me around. When I begin to feel a connection for some one it's in my nature to be all the way in. I care about them and want to be there for them and want them to feel like they can trust me. No one has ever wanted to do that for me. Especially females. I was bullied badly my whole life by other girls. I would often open up to them just to have them tell all my personal business. I hate gossip. When some one hurts me or upsets me I door slam or ghost them because I can't handle confrontation. It scares the shit out of me. I always envied girls who were ""best friends"". I have always wanted that but I'm 30 now and that will likely never happen. It feels pathetic. I had a bit too much wine last night and sobbed to my bf about how badly I wished I could have a gf to talk to and do things with. I'm not sure if the bpd has anything to do with it. Or my awkward personality. And I have what I guess would be considered nerdy hobbies. Anyway, have any of you also had the same issue?",1.3334285714285734,3.415906057142859,2.9335714285714296,91.84142857142858,81.28571428571428,5.7142857142857135,18.57142857142857,6.868970318607317,0.06360714285714275,1056,24,229,12,28,347,152,280,0.222,0.677,0.10099999999999999,-0.9905,0,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,1,1,7,3,18,25,3,3,10,0,30,4,1,4,7,57,53,21,1,10,12,1,3,2,6,3,2,0,1,4,12,16,1,0,3,1,0,1,8,12,0,3,12,3,43,13,32,34,12,26,0,2,0,0,25,9,2,10,17,176,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150670278522629,0.3392278940755228,0.0,0.0,0.06931021372886978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126598406946988,0.10443076997595703,0.08387282965299656,0.18146374561423695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702006328230878,0.06213048886724689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21392095699112376,0.0,0.11127203900463327,0.0,0.12836674410181914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391590992910596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137614019460429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344832437068877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514245620421776,0.0,0.09027232563599907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219396314217466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460393853782142,0.07281284364402997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31497764079189444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151605032797779,0.0,0.11227818285587184,0.0,0.09012897418489116,0.0,0.0,0.1006265236600911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910922910264724,0.0,0.0,0.10637971743843654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613570927502652,0.0,0.08307974407971845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199027213473097,0.09958753509633833,0.0,0.0,0.09019744865075324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665013793492284,0.0,0.1928814499639411,0.06803348955718512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492413642354245,0.0,0.23582476797744925,0.0,0.0,0.0956465595906154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071942334740105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798809844851887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204134714742953,0.10315014620602056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462110407003476,0.08431063807872957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214066500910904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605994433959224,0.0,0.0,0.08192075763022565,0.08908401021983511,0.09383575722856784,0.0,0.0,0.06771221218301962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409603132840804,0.3005801349749921,0.08090065784016909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379187695312533,0.11720486191011695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480442484750874,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Sweet_Beanie,2020/04/18,"Just wanted to say that I appreciate this subreddit, it’s really nice to know you’re not alone. I honestly was going crazy for years before I discovered that it wasn’t me, well it was, but you know what I mean. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone and I really want all of us to improve from past experiences, but it really does make you feel better to know that you’re not alone.",4.3759740259740285,4.881007636363641,5.893922077922081,80.23516883116886,70.03896103896103,10.315844155844157,23.19220779220779,10.355215969177356,2.045464415584416,296,6,63,8,5,101,49,77,0.043,0.6829999999999999,0.27399999999999997,0.9487,0,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,2,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,17,14,3,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,10,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,3,2,10,4,8,10,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,40,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4267621046513792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405833867228351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753131572914398,0.0,0.0,0.1822134683992449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18029495265686016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015331978964138,0.0,0.0,0.10417305829122124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708946113787408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33967990345913746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752411627590033,0.0,0.0,0.22442297607142034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966753602311012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.395957058458194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638403368320294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478242016413812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430392308351673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18524233420844866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369200104586649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326741449360229 bpd,digitalspliff,2020/04/18,"DAE have issues with sexuality? Wondering if it’s yet another bpd thing or if I’m just going through my own, unrelated thing. For years I’ve labelled myself as bi (when a label is necessary), though I guess pan is more relevant since it’s usually about my attraction to the person rather than the genitalia. Generally I try not to label myself and accept that I’m on a spectrum, but it makes relationships difficult, like I can be with a guy and think “yeah i’m happy everything’s fine” but then boom out of nowhere I have the odd episode where it’s like I’m queer af and questioning if I’ve just been a massive lesbian this whole time. Would make sense considering how easily I befriend guys in comparison to my complete social incompetence around girls.",2.989374999999999,5.77859029861111,4.63666666666667,77.85000000000005,80.04166666666667,8.6,27.055555555555557,9.188382445141503,2.8924388888888903,609,26,110,18,16,204,102,144,0.063,0.763,0.175,0.9392,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,7,1,8,3,0,3,0,27,18,14,0,5,10,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,4,8,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,10,6,15,15,3,12,0,0,0,3,7,5,1,7,8,70,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940709359956434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647590966653547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330998815052472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19405127743900014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663366145446806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518437205383972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20388482470638047,0.36651360986095816,0.0,0.19701949609483368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931738605895654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18084000488431126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470826609357552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616034002731477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20733026807461985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19870503655481989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309884100663365,0.0,0.0,0.1886642149569455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459158522210481,0.11859082443548227,0.18183867854773747,0.0,0.10792075695950573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565614709483391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20383781108033225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066335266164726,0.0,0.0,0.20070972949137333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314744504488504,0.0,0.0,0.11918448071464975 bpd,aniescl,2020/04/18,"Recovery Hi guys I’m new here and i just wanted to say that you can do it, i know it’s a hard battle, but you are intelligent and strong enough to do it, I’m on “remission” since march and i know that therapy is hard and you’re gonna feel tired and sometimes meds can make you lose yourself but if i could do it you can. If someone wants to talk I’m here 🙌🏻",-0.764814814814816,1.091949802469138,1.7595061728395045,98.4777777777778,88.01234567901236,5.575308641975309,17.641975308641978,6.937597516519254,-0.20044691358024733,278,7,72,4,9,95,50,81,0.146,0.752,0.102,-0.1406,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,4,0,2,3,3,1,0,1,0,9,1,0,1,0,17,19,9,0,5,5,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,6,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,8,1,4,17,1,3,0,1,0,0,8,1,0,2,2,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18364348965056915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23766080706832274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629947352672215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277450957163163,0.0,0.0,0.4120858142352088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528138886573938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573212638138713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535328095619783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25548817382899197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221441486454933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18291240776226292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19026584149134507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19488589961835784,0.0,0.2274848060406041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18487254089535504,0.0,0.0,0.2630353644165924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643615373810202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713305633540319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway475775677,2020/04/18,"Super well aware but really questioning the future. I have not yet been officially diagnosed but my counselors hinted something towards me having bpd and I started reading some of the stats and they are making me lose it. The fact that its unlikely that I'll keep stable relationships is a dealbreaker for me and it's really depressing that I might never make meaningful relations because up till now I thought that I didn't get to meet enough people or that there was still time to be social-able. That just went out the window. That plus never understanding my emotions and always being kind of a wreck is not a life that I see for myself, not a life that I would want. I'm also studying something I never wanted to and that reduces my chances of fulfillment in life even more. With all of these things, I ask myself, is it really worth it to wake up every morning with a pit in your stomach. Is it worth it to be constantly doubting yourself when there is literally nothing that the future holds. I dont want to continue this. Asking people, does it get better, does it get worse, will i learn to start coping with it ? Im 18 rn. (throwaway for obvious reasons.)",4.809276629570745,6.53882581531532,5.608346581875995,78.1127265500795,70.12612612612612,8.466772655007949,28.374138844727078,9.007467420416297,2.462804663487016,929,34,163,18,17,303,136,222,0.10300000000000001,0.804,0.094,-0.7255,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,1,3,10,7,0,1,10,0,18,6,2,3,6,40,36,12,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,0,24,10,0,2,6,1,2,1,8,3,1,0,5,1,21,4,25,25,4,22,0,2,1,0,7,6,0,5,15,126,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961261095839112,0.10364600420600104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328983033736857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593216268968637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016543611530122,0.0,0.0,0.15688214715179954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460784425425806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728552534183608,0.1264283468439198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180110204072368,0.0,0.1459863585227437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401160816054114,0.0,0.1287063920841799,0.0,0.08227237688295581,0.0,0.10494930462206574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523634380083624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454890841078695,0.0,0.0,0.11071690076745948,0.0,0.12971270773478594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639465979813437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935361021686588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629291324075074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214116083251298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882109086020893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952110786962275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271195008300638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953854208361052,0.0,0.12459623929096975,0.0,0.23939384070337766,0.12807102762653655,0.0,0.13373354196190462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926020996291957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697581372424682,0.0,0.1917886437246145,0.0,0.0,0.1763320009832256,0.0,0.09947579808158352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275381065398399,0.0,0.0,0.09888873576573803,0.07263341347375869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967398760161775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22041062408804787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119966746386498,0.11547071408389728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693986066293084,0.0884856480785222,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway89123456,2020/04/18,"I need a closure Out of nowhere he said he doesn't want to talk to me, never again. Out of nowhere, after few nice days spent together and with my one anxiety attack 😔 two days after my diagnosis. he is not responding, very rude, and not wanting to give any closure... What do I do? The only thing I can do is to go to his house, knock on the door. I am afraid to be kicked out...",1.1814107142857146,2.7042744625000026,3.1746428571428598,92.65750000000004,79.375,6.571428571428572,22.67857142857143,7.447530270364453,0.6829821428571425,287,9,68,4,7,97,56,80,0.106,0.86,0.034,-0.5657,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,3,0,9,0,0,0,1,12,16,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,2,2,1,8,1,15,13,1,11,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,6,46,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18318306431070155,0.0,0.2060698181888594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064509884809564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34744695556384475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25840739109042826,0.15309103998190288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108205927842055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19973687031334555,0.2077572761375747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18253430268227552,0.2048705141823917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562356705346629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21651203489376006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895963454193514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631385483616992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222611630569812,0.3177666738182844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RadGrandpaDragon,2020/04/18,"What to do when your SO invalidates your BPD? Since quarantine, I’ve been thinking...A LOT. Mostly I’ve been thinking about where it all went wrong in my previous relationships, more specifically my last relationship. Although not formally diagnosed, he definitely exhibited quite a few traits of NPD and maybe even some sociopathic tendencies as well, but I’m not really qualified to make an assessment, just my observation of his behaviors and display of emotions as well as other horror stories I heard from numerous people. Anyway, he would constantly invalidate my thoughts and feelings, telling me it was all in my head or I’m overreacting. He even at one point told me verbatim, “[your issues] are your own fucking problem!” That was, of course, the last day we dated. It’s really hard for me to tell if there are other empathic people out there who will fully understand me because I’m so used to having my thoughts and feelings invalidated by people in my life. I’m just wondering: Is it worth confronting the person at that point? Do you just walk away without giving them a chance to really listen and evolve? Do you think a person like that has the capability to change? Even in other interpersonal relationships, how would you respond?",6.488778280542988,8.661940321266973,7.153303167420816,66.93140271493215,66.60180995475113,10.810859728506786,33.36199095022624,10.843485225782073,4.301179185520364,1005,45,159,31,17,331,139,221,0.091,0.858,0.051,-0.8832,0,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,7,1,1,17,7,2,0,7,0,15,4,1,3,2,35,35,16,0,4,9,0,3,1,0,3,2,2,0,2,12,7,0,0,8,0,1,2,3,4,2,1,9,5,22,3,26,23,8,19,0,0,0,1,26,11,1,6,7,118,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117678332424998,0.0,0.0,0.07251755893671147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982729253599586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584502939829945,0.0,0.0,0.12855464579540685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672004326756443,0.0,0.0,0.1207429733167636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338151824718357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357179775264108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030057415363975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997758444823896,0.0,0.1141182900448421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656574477457777,0.0,0.1220883693710645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241644411569938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19393828529567325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402571583743572,0.05811836569595745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113644040361766,0.0,0.0,0.07940743230227755,0.0,0.11951237573506684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061109401216546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474178643588135,0.2077444207280002,0.0,0.0,0.2249133094705466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138296698178684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652973211692164,0.0,0.0,0.22862850651626304,0.0,0.0,0.3831589803653063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984058193865125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20795442235256828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245088955036604,0.0,0.1888835895106892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367239223218988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384266041372713,0.0,0.1027441619576999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21392056188403905,0.11027809583488324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146742181553085,0.129008196662887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901304986691532,0.13006524593527188,0.0,0.0 bpd,chichighost,2020/04/18,"Hate when people tell me how I ""sound"" ""You sound tired. Are you tired?"" Gee thanks. Now I'm going to be thinking about that all fuckin day. Of course I'm tired. I'm always tired! You sound nosey. Are you nosey? I guess I let my mask slip a bit, given the worlds current circumstance. Anyone else horribly spiral with little things like this? I immediately go on the defensive and get upset.",0.7862000000000009,3.2982272533333368,1.7941666666666656,93.33125000000004,96.46666666666668,4.633333333333333,14.25,6.42735559955562,-0.4199999999999995,304,6,61,4,12,95,56,75,0.268,0.6579999999999999,0.073,-0.9486,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,4,0,0,4,6,3,1,3,0,4,5,0,1,1,7,15,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,3,10,2,5,12,2,9,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,1,5,30,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133700434639582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876995820319397,0.17404149184386675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18544296545293984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954555261242123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418961107003688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887447621473462,0.0,0.19307053702758592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18711977753542675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770143800430135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736932073875857,0.0,0.08298494390690872,0.1702441958416089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775943427128767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846499783218986,0.1563841306553499,0.0,0.0,0.11284733826145657,0.10883933474729003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7809156515422523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,golden_boyy123,2020/04/18,"I have queiston Hi guys, I have question. I think I might have bpd. So I was just wondering, how many sessions does it take to diagnose bpd? It may be different, but if you could just tell me what how many it took for you, I'll be glad.",1.7759999999999998,2.9996772000000007,3.209,94.31950000000002,77.0,7.4,24.5,8.07648339933343,1.0547999999999993,180,6,44,3,4,59,35,50,0.0,0.915,0.085,0.6124,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,2,0,12,13,5,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,8,1,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,5,0,30,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5433403204056736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722211558612193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21893382940528885,0.0,0.22536354473262865,0.0,0.0,0.1887629979423652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21357971197682726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4373776223782626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22882661274403546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24163653271295704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16218168173311118,0.0,0.18853377872338495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382136621645976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396537780906053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339205151589149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hannavileti,2020/04/18,"Seeking support or advice. I've been struggling with the fact that my boyfriend watches porn and gets aroused by other women. This is my first relationship ever and it's been pretty amazing. However, being in a relationship makes us vulnerable in so many ways and I've been learning a lot about myself too. Since he told me that he has the habit of watching porn so frequently, my mind just kinda flipped and I haven't been the same since. I always had self esteem problems but they got so much worse. I can't relax when we're having sex anymore and I've been hating myself. I have 0 self confidence and I get triggered by other women on social media, Netflix, etc. because every other women seems so much better, hotter, more interesting, smarter than me. Whenever he comments about any other girl or when I see him on Instagram or whatever I start imagining things, what he might be seeing and I get these really intense emotions that I have no control of, I implode and feel so worthless and ashamed, at the same time I feel bad and guilty for feeling this way. I get to a really dark place and I end up hurting myself, not only mentally or emotionally but also fisically. It's getting real bad, I choke myself real hard, I scratch my head til it bleeds. I don't know if anyone else in here experience the same but I have nobody to talk to and this quarantine started right when I was about to start therapy. It's hard not wanting to die when you think so little of yourself and feels like you can't do anything. I guess I just needed to vent, to know if anyone else feels like that or if there's any advice on how to cope with this for now. Also, forgive my english, is not my first language.",4.3953636363636335,5.958218112121212,5.291333333333334,80.63700000000001,70.9090909090909,7.583030303030302,28.654545454545456,8.109356740369918,2.022858181818181,1347,51,245,19,25,440,184,330,0.151,0.736,0.11199999999999999,-0.9433,1,1,0,0,0,1,32.0,1,2,1,4,23,16,1,2,8,0,22,6,2,4,2,62,49,38,1,6,16,0,8,2,0,1,1,0,0,6,19,15,0,1,12,2,0,0,8,8,0,2,9,12,37,8,30,37,8,28,0,2,4,4,22,11,0,13,17,174,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18100177626666936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14812604321808726,0.07706189181615307,0.0,0.0,0.12596077823575436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184775452328817,0.12951509355089788,0.18978705085786635,0.07621305957339583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465688975133107,0.05645635981228062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190915785738631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387397020098572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611824198279316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473347241922844,0.20835555417879412,0.08202811518330097,0.0,0.10328858832914804,0.0,0.08377425722170066,0.0780309093526816,0.0,0.0,0.09059382198813158,0.0,0.0,0.2341409652925992,0.13232627570357766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755407479529845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24193378413087274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407151547810148,0.0,0.10202426547655497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592709735052902,0.09143670571386583,0.0950482201989576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914471959525993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179596886312103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049260382016593,0.0928231064677196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873672739788505,0.0,0.0,0.06182026305848504,0.09389560233114183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333267436975314,0.0982483398037877,0.09351328325170374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616322941189016,0.06867177302037619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043677727817559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676144682980954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422127442103734,0.0,0.08861865858114754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108289887088489,0.11866122188412632,0.0,0.0,0.19886458376873084,0.0,0.07909146474378832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476020155414397,0.08431189661293655,0.19323225957109413,0.0,0.0,0.15322176941327656,0.0,0.0,0.09440785002225263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966570398095728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968197898859826,0.0,0.0,0.1050967577914732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443926248107746,0.0,0.0,0.10591166453808684,0.0,0.06152832666194088,0.059343022575188885,0.0,0.0,0.054003705152278585,0.0,0.0,0.08849621485720445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140269614234924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546258706859069,0.14702464864983686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438111854386316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Weetodb,2020/04/18,"I’m a 22 year old guy and I got shamed for having BPD by someone I know. They said it was a “girls mental illness” and that only crazy women have it and it made me feel completely rejected and it’s sent me spiralling. I know there are plenty of guys like me with BPD, idk, I can’t help how my brain works and that doesn’t make me any less of a man, and it’s derogatory to girls too, as if it makes it any less serious because more girls are diagnosed with it than men, I hate the stigma. This sub has saved my life so I appreciate all you ladies and gentlemen out there for supporting me when I needed it.",3.938125,4.031941562500002,5.031250000000004,87.48875000000002,70.875,8.9,25.375,8.841846274778883,1.4409031249999995,472,12,109,8,8,156,86,128,0.138,0.755,0.10800000000000001,-0.4604,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,1,6,7,1,1,4,0,8,4,1,4,1,21,21,12,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,8,12,10,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,5,2,16,3,11,16,4,5,0,1,0,0,13,1,0,1,4,69,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487012744452032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111469370327101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4606099323165986,0.20413152411331692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19172456285679265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18559840408842007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245918814364776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624933695640174,0.0,0.0,0.36211903657138494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18053576327979926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256677637871052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20098944722505832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915897574347696,0.08933584808366894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302595044116115,0.2441200891980321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842792287269941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355879005178409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918801410088478,0.0,0.0,0.1390727853721909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394112840094295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493614470419395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20750663793040108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312379396703705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775543436715134 bpd,porousgirl,2020/04/18,"How to Stop Feeling Like the Other Shoe Will Drop? I've been in a stable relationship for 3 years. He's my rock and has helped me become more stable overall, become more personally accountable for my actions, and has helped start me down the path of acceptance towards the negative parts of myself. It's never been easy, but he challenges me and this relationship is probably the most rewarding relationship I've ever been in. I've been able to recognize that the more severe symptoms of my BPD cycle in and out. I will have weeks where I am relatively fine, and other moments where I feel like I'm in a death spiral. Throughout all of it, I never feel 100% comfortable with myself and nothing in my life ever truly feels solid and permanent. I'm constantly feeling like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, for my BF to leave me, for things to suddenly plummet into the abyss. On my good days, it's easier to ignore, but it's still present. And on the bad days, it's all I can think about. I have more good days than bad, but I'm tired of the persistent feeling that my world is going to drop out from underneath of me. Maybe this is more anxiety related than BPD related, but I'm just wondering if anyone has any tips to help stop feeling this way?",7.889756097560976,6.5621400487804875,8.282235772357726,72.19579268292685,63.14634146341464,11.777235772357724,35.134146341463406,10.864195022040775,3.682112195121952,996,36,188,22,12,331,122,246,0.16899999999999998,0.6579999999999999,0.17300000000000001,-0.5355,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,3,8,13,0,0,11,0,16,5,2,1,6,40,33,14,1,1,6,0,7,3,1,2,3,0,0,1,14,12,0,4,10,1,1,2,3,3,0,0,4,7,20,10,37,27,9,39,0,0,0,0,10,16,0,3,20,130,34,1,0.11049090397997442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513760360092489,0.0,0.08452523911777703,0.0,0.0,0.07725780910427693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18451057923027234,0.0,0.24405704523286206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783188512906388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940141458959047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137724771479805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998906967470394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39107264652734974,0.2368041716412607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279452699570089,0.18534905610593974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22217917166843965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699391368769768,0.0,0.0,0.07804299308528953,0.1619408237204382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100296403476602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704347933950466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601900232494478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965088175032168,0.0,0.0,0.09647639552247332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912788230054892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558776424240072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482327151193412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820603053058768,0.0,0.08823817864532672,0.18475068636486772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484235544672765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340524699363682,0.07079810984320528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269930402563931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770253665105532,0.08862913846414777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119822672139875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115251957651879 bpd,tokeyoghoul,2020/04/18,"Tips for abandonment anxiety hey everyone :) so i’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks and it’s going really great but my abandonment anxiety is totally kicking my butt rn :/ so far i’ve had like two breakdowns where i was just crying because i thought that he doesn’t like me anymore and that it’s over and the main reason for it was because he didn’t text me as much as he usually does he knows about my bpd but i haven’t told him all of it about it yet (maybe need some tips for that as well) so if you have any tips for calming myself down in this specific situation i’d really appreciate it, thank u in advance ❤️",1.8122051282051324,3.721037015384617,3.884230769230772,86.50993589743591,78.84615384615384,8.025641025641027,24.679487179487186,8.841846274778883,1.8520256410256404,492,18,106,12,12,168,84,130,0.12,0.725,0.155,0.7124,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,9,8,0,0,2,0,9,1,1,1,2,16,16,12,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,11,3,0,2,3,0,0,2,3,2,1,1,7,1,11,6,15,9,6,11,0,2,1,1,9,6,1,2,5,68,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278633074404989,0.0,0.2987531094903029,0.0,0.1936495864990732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380624499670053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459283851802793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144885206350416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087699006432694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658328124380655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109731270490595,0.0,0.0,0.21527943555270607,0.0,0.19334222659755268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107312080626956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079241949846884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19616910294579687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354163152298585,0.1447859070542902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25018245324124444,0.2007640868281665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556002616742377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21948510708889965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977301215247835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550179388853955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658328124380655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907447200195378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150558953267444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662913813657553,0.0,0.17556593812292393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,littletwinstars007,2020/04/18,"Can't Deal With His P*rn V2 Sorry about the previously deleted thread and anyone who commented on it. Please bare with me, I can't apologize enough. I cannot deal with my friends p*rn addiction. We argue about it every week practically, and sometimes I will look at his stash in order to purposely trigger my body dysmorphia and I end up dissociating. We would be dating if I wasn't BPD. My BPD will not allow us to date because I'm too unstable. Whenever I try to mention how it makes me feel it doesn't end well. He does not encourage me and instead only tells me to push myself harder in order to become attractive, something that is very hard to do because I am disabled. I am overweight but I have cut my calories to around ~700 a day for weight loss. I have had body dysmorphia since I was a teenager... around fourteen. I am now a legal adult and struggle with it almost daily. His p*rn stash consists Pokémon, Midna from LoZ, Isabelle from AC... anything like that. These games are now ruined for me forever despite the joy they used to bring me. I often seek out this type of content for the purpose of harming myself mentally. I don't know why I do this other than to spite him, but also the adrenaline feels nice I guess. Definitely would not say it was worth it. It's a vicious and endless cycle that I'll never climb out of. We dated briefly back in 2015 but I never got over him. I can't meet anyone else because of my disabilities (I can't drive and I'm severely paranoid). I don't know what I do and I feel like everyone hates me. I guess this is more of a vent post than a ""help me!"" post. Once again, I'm also sorry for having to post this twice.",3.0406497418244385,4.851368942771089,4.424044750430293,84.46325301204821,74.93373493975903,7.152495697074013,26.314974182444054,7.957251820313856,1.6170624784853709,1307,48,257,20,28,433,184,332,0.155,0.7659999999999999,0.08,-0.9703,0,0,1,0,0,0,44.0,4,0,1,2,16,17,5,1,10,0,29,5,2,5,2,44,45,15,0,3,7,0,5,2,1,4,2,1,0,1,19,19,2,0,5,1,1,4,14,9,1,1,5,7,48,8,40,35,2,33,0,2,1,0,26,11,0,5,15,177,67,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546341314617435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060589676319492,0.0,0.0,0.1694010046119405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811701226386725,0.1085228376428212,0.08715934467563262,0.1885743120335696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144240020961746,0.0,0.19369512331169286,0.11697523130978175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352962516083932,0.2667934619673216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830666696028931,0.2183882409444263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268727503008284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847872091040439,0.0,0.18761920343766256,0.10943891495899867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923828752831664,0.10120669785996156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066201680542525,0.07566597862787403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818299706605806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471021612752506,0.0,0.2333554949696158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487938910964797,0.10456952383133568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099285598942418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641666121783545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348982301860732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894225547624643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069934793345672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067378055733058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337696264083093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127964378926311,0.0,0.0805534298582645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626329680286948,0.0,0.0,0.30431300916406245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422817243183595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965424758806467,0.0,0.08761430840629765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153884484988097,0.10475303290367503,0.23712722429692834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072576649370544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925747227554136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190960004874797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740317794898293,0.09147689383441393,0.0,0.08739129239743783,0.0,0.0,0.0849589403390384,0.12897641610402918,0.09523065912261244,0.0,0.09557216898842157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047851405583096,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,erinomelette,2020/04/18,"Self iso, cant even use dbt skills because ive already done them all day they become boring and dont help??? Im starting not to cope with self iso but my usual skills of like doing something soothing or distracting are useless cos im so bored all day ive done them all. So now im in one of those places where im upset but dont have a reason but cant do anything to snap out of it cos ive done it all day in day out. Cant even 'go for a walk' and clear my head cos i have been on a million walks thats all we're fucking allowed to do is 'go for walks'. How can i cope with it, how have people been coping with it? Im literally at the end of my brain where i just want to self harm out of boredom.",-0.9161801470588244,0.7897974187500019,1.6505882352941192,99.99205882352942,87.3125,4.264705882352942,17.536764705882355,5.0885558068054335,-0.8464779411764707,537,13,139,2,17,184,86,160,0.156,0.777,0.068,-0.9371,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,2,10,8,1,2,4,0,22,3,2,8,6,29,28,10,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,8,0,0,1,0,0,5,6,7,0,2,5,0,12,1,21,23,5,23,0,1,0,1,7,10,1,1,9,86,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480811470006994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307125482032666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689444076871968,0.12490951602970313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126256450350251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29175929352142665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472201786981877,0.2651035519663503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017259054275156,0.0,0.0,0.14940231101790155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455866868422677,0.0,0.0,0.12855410863248434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160727199757208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580821327654726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6108343596935756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055254704617852264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663915072673727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840895529102937,0.0,0.11816490933562222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628512647120352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539623452473241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706952346900801,0.0,0.0,0.08005241081944026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768165797849272,0.12456312471788092,0.0,0.06670901757321643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,renalice81,2020/04/18,I feel like the most unlovable creature on the planet I'm nearly 25 years old and I've just been rejected romantically again. I've have never ever been in a relationship. I feel so disgusting. Like an intruder upon genuine society yet so desperate to be apart of it. I've nearly killed myself a million times and I never have because I'm a fucking pussy but also I fundamentally can't seem to let go of hope. I let people treat me like shit as long as they give me bread crumbs of attention because its a temporary relief from the impending loneliness I will have to face for the rest of my life. I wish the universe would kill me and at the same time I wish to live for ever for the chance of fulfillment. I'm beyond exhausted. There is not a word for how I feel. Someone save me. Please.,2.9336166365280287,4.948085291139243,4.7190235081374325,81.3306329113924,75.83544303797468,8.05858951175407,25.84267631103075,8.841846274778883,2.08962965641953,628,23,122,14,14,213,100,158,0.166,0.632,0.20199999999999999,0.6921,0,1,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,0,11,15,5,0,13,0,12,6,2,1,4,24,25,10,2,4,3,0,3,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,5,0,0,1,4,8,0,1,2,3,16,7,23,18,3,20,0,1,0,1,3,8,2,3,14,87,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478397136566514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19023930250680152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822916021308019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366933366248181,0.11147397067785912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425512430082782,0.0,0.14968639471404774,0.0886803033814771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549814872631348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452670711602085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31911997684519033,0.11021464186004333,0.2286976598829697,0.0,0.13778489764227686,0.13808920573501268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406930971240037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373620880477469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817748288250542,0.0,0.0,0.17128346945003287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752700597089956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420516347316963,0.0,0.0,0.16017132834976874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322109563152912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18197466565525328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35887326152910504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084530833866794,0.0,0.0,0.10048370971620132 bpd,killerwhalebaby,2020/04/18,"I’m starting to understand my disturbed patterns I am a 19 year old female. For decades I’ve been wondering what was wrong with me. About a year ago I got into a relationship with the love of my life. We are true soul mates. I always knew my thought processes were disturbed. Growing up I’d constantly think that if someone wasn’t home on time they’d died in really horrific ways. This would cause me to have the biggest ‘tantrums’ I’d rip the skin on my legs, scream at the top of my lungs, throw things and pull my hair out etc. Problem is I never grew out of this. When my brain makes similar jumps in conclusions, to this day I self harm. Its frustrating because I am a very liked person, I have lots of friends who cherish me dearly, and my opinion is valuable to them. But I still can’t help taking every little thing personally, even if I know deep down it has nothing to do with me. For example, my boyfriend will be upset for very good reasons. I’ll think he’s falling out of love with me... Which makes me act out in ways that I harm myself, and/or that harm our relationship. I need to stop being so erratic otherwise I’m afraid I’ll loose the most special person I’ve ever met. I want to stop playing the victim for attention. I want to stop making the people closest to me feel bad for me. I want my brain to stop telling me that there’s a hidden meaning in everything people say. I want to stop having outbursts of rage and frustration at 19 years old. I want to stop feeling as if I am manipulative. Because nothing means more to me than the people I love and I need to stop hurting them. Any tips on self improvement. Side note: I haven’t been properly diagnosed with BPD, therapists have suggested I may have it. Also my boyfriend is incredibly calm and collected when it comes to dealing with me, although sometimes just like any normal human he gets mad at me for being mean and that really triggers me.",3.809682539682541,5.49484446560847,4.6515132275132265,84.15552380952383,72.5978835978836,7.897142857142858,28.473015873015875,8.548686976883017,2.094656507936508,1520,60,298,27,30,491,207,378,0.179,0.679,0.14300000000000002,-0.9526,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,2,0,3,2,10,32,6,4,13,0,28,11,6,7,3,69,61,16,1,13,5,0,4,2,2,3,2,2,1,6,17,19,0,7,15,1,0,8,4,18,0,0,9,6,51,14,53,45,4,55,1,1,0,3,27,23,0,8,24,186,68,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082652473815841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389599718900027,0.066483196551931,0.0,0.0,0.1086694730679646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671315845695876,0.09741259077731684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063124675652628,0.17838963802207816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820793044016704,0.0,0.06882677092222851,0.0,0.08634350967549796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05152888685734492,0.0823733865183477,0.0,0.08109681311258267,0.08292358029846125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910961511093919,0.05277319318777366,0.07227411990027087,0.06731919190352435,0.0,0.0718089635859131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079967646547613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617305379892167,0.0,0.04174444967247416,0.0,0.0,0.06701632503365182,0.06390332505953071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05355528247463073,0.0,0.08014620970084181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553459725155753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04391094772411575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05643572944027739,0.0780702033714028,0.08008078554023594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792811855615714,0.2163385951595116,0.0,0.16000160142504444,0.0,0.0,0.26110355434652005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184896678678806,0.06162380187508117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828503079163111,0.15333240036552415,0.0,0.1676832083965254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617778869816258,0.20929678142133346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764535045502729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237196559403752,0.08215050225554016,0.0,0.17156538592974396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353968302924541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667062407952199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769900653603751,0.0,0.07902313816007543,0.0,0.056553627752319625,0.0,0.06380823927252953,0.467599814933993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060074852614242676,0.0,0.06983611742448248,0.0,0.0,0.09277005256581122,0.10616401281027968,0.1023933812386624,0.0,0.06343167116812858,0.046590329663031824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317871269070938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318517274714248,0.23563543614369625,0.1268417940930541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664813634590961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05675866405362856,0.08735810169576476,0.0,0.15435893159912714 bpd,jawnpool,2020/04/18,"having a difficult time with extreme ghosting and strange behaviour cw: self harm cw: substance abuse Hey everyone, I would really be grateful if I could get your insight/interpretation on the person I am currently dealing with and have been dealing with for about 6 years. The girl I am currently in a weird situation has BPD and also went to rehab for substance abuse last year. I'm happy that she seems to be clean now. The situation is rather complex but she is the ex girlfriend of my boyfriend. A lot of messy things happened between us (because of her actions). Before my boyfriend and I were, I guess, super official, she invited him on holiday with her family and he went. To cut a long story short * she sent me texts from his phone, messages like photos of her sitting next to him and her swearing at me * telling me I should text my bf to let him know I want to talk to her * sending me an audio message of her just laughing at her trying to pronounce my surname badly on purpose * ended up coming onto my boyfriend and being rejected by him * and many more! Throughout the years, I had a really bad time trying to deal with the things she did to me. They were just like the above, really childish. I asked my bf that he end his friendship with her because it hurt me still and he agreed it would be the best thing for us. He ended up doing that and letting me listen to their call. She told him to be careful of me, because I'm so horrible and manipulative and that if he did end their friendship, she would self harm. She kept saying the latter quite a lot to him. Now last year, after many years had passed. I reached out to her. It took her about two or three weeks to reply but when she did, she said she was glad that I did because she had thought about it too but decided that my boyfriend and I probably needed space away from her (which I thought was v healthy of her). We started talking, she said she thinks I'm really nice, cool, etc and that we have a lot in common and that she never doubted the fact that we would be really good friends. It's a weird situation but I told her that I wanted to talk about what happened on the holiday because I'm undergoing trauma therapy rn and it would be helpful since the situation traumatised me and made my other traumas worse. She agreed and was more than willing to talk and help in any way. But when I asked her things about the holiday she was on the defence a lot. Then I told her what she did and she told me that she **doesn't remember** doing any of it at all. She hung up the phone. She later told me that it was too much for her and she had to. I understand that. But even though that happened, we carried on talking a lot. But recently I noticed that she had begun to retreat and not respond to me as much anymore. She'd send me a few messages back but then months would go by without her saying anything to me. So I just left her be, until she contacted me again. We had a conversation and bam. Again -- ghosted. I ended up sending her a voice note saying that I'm not really sure what is happening, and that I've noticed a pattern in our conversations that is like this and that if we are to be friends, I need to not be in a situation like this so often without an explanation of what happened. I told her that I'm not saying this as a super negative thing, it's just coming from a person who feels like they want a friendship with her and that I care about her. I have looked out for her needs so much but in the end, I also need to look at mine too. Anyway, she hasn't replied to me as of yet but : I am wondering, are there any things that I can do in order to make this situation more balanced and healthier? and is there something here in her behaviour that I cannot see? tysm if you read all of this lol",3.5314367056894262,4.9468000594451835,4.5268566938459465,85.8538143989432,72.8441215323646,7.545656630073338,27.582767731061807,8.104835398774808,1.6902601648977358,2963,110,608,44,58,964,294,757,0.095,0.753,0.153,0.9935,2,1,1,1,2,0,76.0,9,2,4,4,36,33,2,1,36,2,63,1,0,3,5,115,118,58,2,20,26,1,1,5,5,8,1,9,1,5,50,45,0,2,11,4,0,12,11,14,0,2,35,14,129,19,95,61,16,84,0,2,3,0,132,29,0,15,45,471,179,1,0.0,0.1194372614778791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061360074760403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282613036120067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0499856612101834,0.0,0.0,0.04147690050126776,0.0,0.09423892548506237,0.0,0.047354736624627324,0.038756353006668735,0.08416783769025737,0.15362424968273705,0.0,0.04288875062806061,0.0,0.05289423455108038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348008878215583,0.0,0.051466510374434817,0.0,0.10277726110971244,0.0,0.0,0.08683445091966556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04024223439215073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588805837186234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678495253287502,0.0,0.05621202619373588,0.0332903257870098,0.0,0.0,0.04816167621293587,0.0,0.0,0.047514919777065234,0.0,0.025484980067909408,0.03600750187554808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788157572183871,0.0,0.026333186329116392,0.0,0.028644859162327587,0.04227516204070213,0.0,0.0,0.05552395260828979,0.0,0.22285348604633026,0.05365431772488529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756736492529862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395683748817984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027699854169348198,0.08216940558991045,0.0,0.0,0.054762381302170204,0.10307978710101093,0.0,0.12312039254686576,0.0,0.0,0.044604559290934084,0.08465068420318142,0.0,0.0,0.2142516929747772,0.0,0.04769199239964367,0.033644009493801426,0.10220029420665984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04023073408031298,0.0,0.1111547433575226,0.14949103540811307,0.03887345670663109,0.0,0.05360354987451305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476698789379278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801890529152205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434233800406181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05360918222849734,0.05041606375045565,0.0,0.1937345011863877,0.0,0.049766313243184084,0.0,0.057096121183735485,0.0,0.09588849478973616,0.16032812272098584,0.0,0.0,0.04016420641467031,0.04588447395318402,0.10516144147378054,0.0,0.0,0.04169340609178942,0.3399266190639369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03880224854159936,0.0,0.0,0.03567509522520565,0.0,0.040251441024609216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04750368826251039,0.0,0.0,0.2025577965638569,0.0440539402739706,0.0,0.05763956461739175,0.0,0.2009107859402353,0.03229583822737382,0.049520125809160605,0.08002778952139285,0.05878011768163571,0.0,0.0,0.2889700572776152,0.055998947763759,0.06843987497629107,0.0,0.049235844624814284,0.052470701065315234,0.12125582070404475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918596691630731,0.04000709824154498,0.040429784416685814,0.0,0.0,0.09344710427365728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717227650996084,0.054659278954923236,0.0,0.0,0.05136437619686739,0.2148266159515048,0.0,0.0,0.16228754318458966 bpd,helloimfeelingupset,2020/04/18,"How can I make my girlfriend with BPD happy? Anything I do makes her unhappy and I seem to not be able to do anything right. I have to work every day of which she gets quite lonely due to the whole quarantine. I come home and I make her the dinner that she wants most nights and we watch the program that she wants to watch on Netflix. However I'm still upsetting her because I'm not spending enough time with her. I'm spending every waking moment I can when I'm not at work with her. When I do things for myself and she doesn't like it I'll immediately stop because I don't want to upset her any more. I can't watch YouTube when she's around or play any games. I'm getting really sad and upset with myself because I don't think I'll ever be enough and I don't think I'll ever make her happy. I've stopped doing most of the things I like to do because she doesn't like it when I do them. What do I do? How can I make her happy? I'm getting desperate",1.8311190817790504,3.2572666829268293,3.5031850789096133,91.42456241033001,77.29268292682926,6.1893830703012895,22.30272596843616,6.794906146795322,0.4348450502152073,750,21,169,7,17,250,91,205,0.133,0.777,0.09,-0.6917,1,3,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,1,3,10,12,0,3,4,0,20,2,1,7,2,36,41,13,0,3,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,8,13,1,2,3,3,2,1,9,5,0,0,0,3,35,7,17,39,6,19,0,2,3,0,18,4,0,4,17,109,43,3,0.11949543782524602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252199078866436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19666912731803807,0.10637627416848272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913732391268611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505003208047883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293473883728156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706467178636148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469414608349685,0.0,0.0,0.2161809295117189,0.2013601203274858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872943028141284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816153467208357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986366720118438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17513830492111815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988206632281667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213837355603633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709810711133046,0.0,0.0,0.07655183732641274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204845099078044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878415866132676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542921100579116,0.19980707334683254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587749183365309,0.15313570308822871,0.0,0.0,0.06967875075275654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114445157481024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341238890378354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398820384114955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,OthorizedMonk,2020/04/18,"Medication uk Hi, I was wondering what other meds people have found to be most effective ( mainly uk based ). I’ve been on a handful of SSRIs, beta blockers and anti-psychotics, with non of them working, if not making things worse. I am currently on 15mg of Valium and 150-200mg of seroquel a day and still struggling; especially with sleep. All love",4.866363636363637,6.546203212121212,6.185272727272729,74.22790909090911,69.9090909090909,8.916363636363636,29.86666666666667,9.3871,2.9241612121212124,276,11,47,6,5,93,54,66,0.042,0.807,0.152,0.8099,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,1,2,0,1,2,0,5,4,2,2,1,14,9,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,3,1,9,5,3,5,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,3,3,31,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18996430462638594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229655398946193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26584836389667343,0.0,0.196618471744872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271854037613127,0.2967342633577568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042080989238193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294768806496522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352328672730169,0.0,0.0,0.3079339714881508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19568997216729955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31943350559253897,0.21444033556324807,0.0,0.3001778117978899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,besitoeterea,2020/04/18,"i miss the past my BPD symptoms have been there my whole life, but only in the past year and a half have they manifested severely. i’m cleaning out right now, and found some letters from 2/3 years ago that i was supposed to give someone but never did. i miss being happy so badly, i miss being able to have a relationship without the overwhelming fear of being abandoned and splitting on the other person and just ruining everything. i miss being able to feel something for someone without being immediately suspicious of every tiny action they make. i miss feeling anything other than chaos",7.2978104138851805,8.585529355140185,7.354606141522031,69.55925233644862,63.85981308411215,9.104939919893187,34.91188251001335,9.23628265651192,3.4726405874499333,479,21,72,8,7,154,73,107,0.23600000000000002,0.662,0.102,-0.9435,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,4,11,0,2,6,0,11,2,0,1,1,17,22,7,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,3,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,10,0,1,4,2,10,1,13,13,2,12,0,8,0,0,6,4,0,1,7,57,13,0,0.3349240344655883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844497419693425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378069714939934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398237894962503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21091254841888035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410939720962084,0.0,0.15050406307562994,0.0,0.0,0.1884413265990059,0.16934765516705072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836134582946323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16064482623404575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17826643128786673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828337521173947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178219686676502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915703139582374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273624102330446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197228883418389,0.0,0.14622137413655753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17979153559758654,0.0,0.14301164771988933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891844133049521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28378004753312064,0.12892044231973387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17405715596607094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18696536182700613,0.0,0.3228548174327857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156800972800308 bpd,throwawaycptsd111,2020/04/18,"DAE ""deprogram"" themselves? I feel like my brain sometimes sees something and goes ""ooh I want to be like that!"" And will just totally go into that mindset and I need to pull myself back so I dont go barreling in headfirst. Like I was looking at a certain mental illness subreddit and I was suddenly like ""omg I totally have that"" even though I DEFINITELY don't. So I had to be like woah, let's pump the breaks here, this is something that ruins lives first of all so that's kinda insensitive and second, you only have a few of the symptoms and those are the ones that line up with your diagnoses your actual psychiatrists gave you. It's not even just with serious stuff like I watch a British tv show and my inner voice gets a British accent for a bit, or I read a book and start mimicking the way the author writes in my thought patterns. And i always have to be like okay calm down you're not british/in a novel/whatever. Gets pretty annoying, and I have no idea who I am underneath it all sometimes!",3.257317290552585,5.207974196969701,4.328110516934046,84.77687165775403,74.7070707070707,7.891146761734997,27.30362448009507,8.671277953709913,2.073802376708259,793,31,157,16,17,258,120,198,0.07,0.765,0.165,0.9489,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,4,0,1,10,13,1,0,12,1,17,4,1,0,5,30,29,15,0,2,5,0,1,7,0,1,3,1,0,0,12,13,0,0,3,4,0,3,5,3,0,3,5,5,22,10,16,19,6,17,0,1,3,0,7,8,0,2,11,111,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.145119981315605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373903621359325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434918337894848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235333360751678,0.0,0.0,0.16601008242813348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509380116328569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428758052295934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19644374523623032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519248931117901,0.10623879997884217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264930623115595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539018090696102,0.0,0.1690311909716344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16787603611662488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520665460427647,0.0,0.5085670181518381,0.0,0.13131408248679624,0.0,0.12487935344996826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149865191491829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102669400965684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077007308595308,0.11310102476054246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129202531765273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875072786269727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850300268941223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289691929080847,0.2941569437583653,0.0,0.10525804647476897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17023792630238704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545671338242355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610729616705562,0.1180595137243567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771329682806538,0.11803946084645428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,neozonelights,2020/04/18,"Continuing Therapy in These Times I have quit therapy a couple times in the last two years and gone on long hiatus from going through with treatment. At the last place I was at last fall, I collected a diagnosis of ptsd. Though that is not necessarily an issue anymore. I was living in an abusive environment with my dad and his mail order bride wife who's unstable and almost got violent at my sister and I at times. When I lived with them, I couldn't rest due to some of the ways his wife behaved as though she would try to fight people. I was sleepless as a result of current environmental stress. I was hypervigilant of her and the fact that my dad would defend her actions even when she'd blatantly threaten to kill me. I was on the defense constantly. I also worried about my sister because she became a target of intimidation by that woman. My sister is someone I also extremely care about. I've driven away all potential friends and am not great at keeping my current friendships normal, so she's all I have right now for company. I was alert a lot 24/7 while living with our dad for her safety and my own that his wife threatened. I guess that warranted a ptsd diagnosis, but it's been months after moving out and I don't deal with ptsd symptoms anymore. Sleep disruption comes from issues arising from bpd being triggered or trying to fill the void of chronic emptiness and overall baseline apathy. I mostly deal with bpd and eating disorder issues since moving to a more stable environment. I haven't really gone back for therapy and doubt I'll go back to the place I was receiving care. I also have trouble remaining committed to DBT group therapy but found the DBT diary cards I'd done helpful. If there is an option to do individual DBT work with a therapist, that can be just as helpful? For clarification, I was professionally diagnosed with bpd and pdnos due to mixed pd traits by another therapist and working on additional eating disorder problems at the place I just quit since moving out of my dad's place. Due to this pandemic, I find it hard to try to seek out another therapist. But I desperately need help.",7.056186616791352,7.56071693266833,7.758170199501247,69.19973243973402,64.21197007481297,10.872859517871987,34.41406899418121,10.686352973137794,3.8524487946799666,1714,71,293,42,24,572,207,401,0.133,0.7879999999999999,0.079,-0.9617,2,0,0,0,1,1,29.0,1,0,1,5,17,12,4,2,20,0,27,6,1,2,5,60,40,30,1,7,9,10,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,11,26,2,2,3,0,0,13,5,8,0,1,15,1,45,4,59,19,8,60,0,0,0,0,34,22,0,9,23,206,56,3,0.0,0.08309049148798446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022329774448331,0.0,0.0,0.1682445735238616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707113880820313,0.0,0.0,0.13909673098374764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588778563301355,0.107848568520716,0.0,0.04274952138943878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26497217257047306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300081957214955,0.0,0.0,0.06040926521360825,0.0,0.07578370894887279,0.0,0.0,0.07759555860311378,0.0,0.0,0.14459826274147716,0.0,0.07117868273715908,0.0,0.0,0.16074606677383566,0.0,0.0,0.0717655328113456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351738468245667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04631903808260166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409593667001755,0.0,0.0,0.0768919904200943,0.05418090070480047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971098456046613,0.0,0.05608795618081012,0.07731662709631222,0.077254157613666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282112432380882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101643383453336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195869735913642,0.0,0.062333197815973185,0.07758650210097626,0.0,0.0,0.17149161521102976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18577354998522108,0.062061281516825176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962051792255513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05597568842910432,0.223605647736144,0.0,0.0519991979530121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871078105190888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04861808845389322,0.0,0.29307631981077154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710325024699998,0.24592846309164015,0.0,0.0,0.14918002119329452,0.0,0.0,0.0449259433294968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988912985231376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160216020062226,0.0,0.07017888116691551,0.0,0.059419426274616674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033165670526046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289008819612891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207909956374573,0.24427285927713896,0.0,0.0,0.13780127042822565,0.0,0.12267701404372668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283740548278054,0.0,0.06850509594879743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055664529055092685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021083811801792,0.07121862714816811,0.0,0.09963417269306707,0.0,0.0,0.04516028434922721 bpd,returntodreamland,2020/04/18,"Difficulty in Relationships DAE feel bad for their FP(s)? I really want them to give them a peaceful, healthy relationship but can never manage my symptoms well enough...",8.615357142857142,10.855089821428573,7.9914285714285755,62.70357142857145,61.5,11.314285714285715,35.42857142857143,11.20814326018867,4.673657142857143,137,6,20,4,2,43,27,28,0.124,0.628,0.248,0.4491,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,5,1,3,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,14,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25414900372315113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31451137282142483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390634883598214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919941069238175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347607011035031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19499701158423768,0.0,0.0,0.6535917788325635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163728642960886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953433092641688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736789317270112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,herownworld,2020/04/18,I feel like I’m aging backward. I feel like I’m getting younger and less mature. I look at pictures from when I was 18 and realize I looked and felt older than I do now.. does anyone else experience this? Or am I just weird?,0.7070212765957429,2.8195720425531974,2.8887659574468114,91.09400000000002,83.8936170212766,5.4621276595744686,22.16595744680852,6.742157984588678,0.53199914893617,174,6,38,2,5,59,34,47,0.039,0.78,0.18100000000000002,0.7325,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,11,5,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,7,2,3,9,1,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,6,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019015021436256,0.2958596531496404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526880575316364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412145152878585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28245400968880635,0.0,0.0,0.2920024921256388,0.4125677263573062,0.2772463646201918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150860546353599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28213843102386155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.484956446534453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,decafcaramel,2020/04/18,"recently diagnosed with bpd hi all, i recently got diagnosed with bpd as well as just got out of treatment for my eating disorder (bulimia) and i was wondering if anyone has experienced the two together? and also if anyone can give me websites or links to getting to know more about this mew illness in my life :/ thank you in advance",9.110752688172044,7.9940109354838755,9.599032258064515,63.051881720430146,60.61290322580646,14.073118279569895,43.24731182795699,13.023866798666859,5.997402150537635,266,14,44,9,3,90,49,62,0.114,0.8190000000000001,0.067,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,1,13,10,8,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,1,6,2,12,7,2,6,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,4,2,34,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205429185361274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658995731795999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4789474657903582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3859746785997837,0.0,0.0,0.21791605672276773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19455992403949784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933991193519627,0.18239889706401446,0.0,0.0,0.3041434602006937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044955608261616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430097741335098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754791473488342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17505467806168715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18573842177526484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709580231689011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206197908979198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AlwaysNick109,2020/04/18,"Have an exceptional talent at manipulating and apologizing? Anyone else just keep on telling their loved ones, friends, or significant other, that they will change for the better, or not do the thing that you know makes them unhappy, or just straight up mentally abuse them and get unreasonably mad at them when they try to be by your side? And then proceed to give a heartfelt apology of how you won't do it again, how you were feeling insecure or threatened, or how you have a huge ego and it overtakes you?",10.713297872340425,8.398666606382983,9.517553191489368,68.68250000000003,58.46808510638297,13.229787234042554,41.58510638297872,11.698219412168324,4.608668085106383,407,17,76,9,4,127,69,94,0.166,0.621,0.213,0.5632,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,6,6,2,7,7,1,1,5,0,8,1,0,5,0,21,15,14,0,0,9,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,12,5,10,11,0,11,0,0,0,1,18,7,0,5,4,60,18,0,0.0,0.32759861911937754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19333011401666966,0.2832994300144596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445353108030567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924925989411725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309741594190993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980300913175686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136175624391808,0.0,0.144456016015229,0.2652369775868911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457594023590623,0.0,0.0,0.15195314868077867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495454430650644,0.0,0.18456101413292872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786395945472408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873585989358756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241666793460318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836894539883604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18772038355122814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lyssaerion,2020/04/18,"Pulling yourself out of an episode? Hi guys, As I'm sure many of you can relate to, I've been seriously struggling through quarantine. Sitting at home all day with very few distractions isn't very forgiving on my mind. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and he's my rock. We've recently been having trust issues, so we're on a break and taking sometime to ourselves. I'm not quite sure how to explain it, but I had a bit of a moment of clarity this morning. The past few weeks, I've been on and off obsessing over the state of our relationship, picking fights, etc. I didn't even notice I was having a episode until I started coming out of it. But it's still there, I can feel it, and I feel like I'm about to go much deeper into it. It's taking everything in me not to contact him and I would really like to respect our boundaries, especially because I know the only reason I want to contact him is because of the intrusive thoughts I'm having. Why aren't we best friends on snapchat anymore? If I post something that implies I'm not doing okay why isn't he checking in? Why didn't he get as upset as I was when I told him we should take some time to ourselves? I'm scared. I want to pull myself out of this, but it's so hard not to let yourself sink when you're all alone for so long.",4.409176470588236,4.679726985185192,5.375969498910678,84.80774509803922,69.8888888888889,8.278867102396516,31.067538126361647,8.124751697461798,2.041492374727669,1026,41,218,13,17,338,147,270,0.135,0.779,0.086,-0.9231,0,2,1,0,1,0,26.0,4,1,0,2,10,17,1,5,9,1,23,0,0,3,4,41,44,20,0,5,8,0,3,2,1,2,0,0,1,1,10,14,0,0,7,1,1,4,9,7,0,0,11,3,27,10,40,30,9,34,0,0,0,0,21,13,0,2,15,140,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538424481168915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963695799453112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936874632363615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718029324086087,0.0,0.14271000985469098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260183214359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430218344854648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578492915844904,0.08633789093092224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748075284895765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321897204345459,0.09338484067461833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099226774200408,0.0,0.06829466865818612,0.0,0.07428995264004623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943119869825287,0.0,0.0,0.11709749607395699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112063708286706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643544829214804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718390983427636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336678330042434,0.0,0.1277242534794482,0.0,0.0,0.1156811621406614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325273581096325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13198774031822472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609264234757783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488231107535637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941679668353524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247849554950802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519154310975394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390344978223681,0.0,0.0,0.08374118625334417,0.13439969566409568,0.12906808279121015,0.1403420248346423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308713472608267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063296838525937,0.12928327189161734,0.0,0.0925227497084441,0.0,0.10439142432037196,0.0,0.0,0.13665465312280467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246400007153162,0.0,0.2948506102849218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377535214505083,0.07622261526927039,0.0,0.0,0.12490648407969047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157117918746468,0.15420152055493236,0.0,0.10485395485948032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538575170409665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092858192776221,0.0,0.0,0.08417799388665567 bpd,Shadowpassenger,2020/04/18,"You don’t realize how alone you are, until you suffer beyond your capacity People truly only care about themselves. Life is lonely. All I want to do is die now. I’m done with it all.",0.4735135135135131,2.9257444594594624,3.2419459459459468,84.99967567567569,90.8918918918919,5.122162162162162,15.508108108108113,6.742157984588678,0.07363135135135179,143,3,27,2,5,50,31,37,0.257,0.583,0.16,-0.6705,0,3,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,4,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,2,6,9,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,5,8,2,3,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41789230426877744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4113833223771569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4187572642161988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4129087288930205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849957946750001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068711156670427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27972805772204623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379879166740611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,animetiddie1995,2020/04/18,Someone was jokingly mean to you so you hate everyone now My boyfriends friend was joking with him on the headset while they were playing video games and his friend kept bringing me up and my boyfriend kept being like “hahaha! I’m not gunna say that you’re wild” while I’m sitting right next to him..I already have such a hard time trusting anyone and letting people in and making friends and this triggered me so badly..like I trust my boyfriend doesn’t think badly about me but for some reason his friends opinions matter so much to me right now? And I’m so affected by someone who I thought also wanted to be my friend being jokingly mean to me? I just don’t want to talk to anyone but my confirmed safe 4 people and I never want to make any friends i don’t trust it I don’t trust literally anyone,3.1831607142857163,5.203211137500002,3.7646428571428596,88.42750000000004,75.125,6.071428571428572,26.42857142857143,6.868970318607317,1.1522946428571432,642,24,125,6,14,202,93,160,0.048,0.68,0.273,0.9889,0,0,0,1,0,0,7.0,0,2,1,0,10,18,1,0,2,0,12,0,0,5,1,31,28,16,0,3,4,0,1,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,4,8,0,3,5,6,0,1,6,2,0,0,6,2,22,16,15,18,2,14,0,0,0,0,16,5,0,2,8,79,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715756676540032,0.10664177721789524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068412926572926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797290628861516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134359106447893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742382668703614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6181658854448688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945745775450832,0.13165777723394514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363617502474705,0.0,0.06514919244990013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802737661542115,0.0,0.0,0.290519472250714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802927601889032,0.0,0.10284950607224327,0.0,0.1418216720452363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18489937294499453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13710836273452304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277642521140181,0.0,0.10604709246586357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259779232033582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071835184861289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544676216838383,0.0,0.10586682175507016,0.07775879202161763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235963905014728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,clamurtits,2020/04/18,I'm struggling with my current job. I decided to stay home and self quarantine because my current employer is not taking any safety precautions to keep us safe. (I work in a warehouse with 600+ employees. We also process clothes so I don't consider us essential.) One thing that has really hurt me while I've been home (Been home since March 24) is that the people who I thought were my closest friends haven't reached out to me in any way while I've been gone. It's really hurt my feelings and is leaving me feeling unwanted/unimportant. I'm trying to be rational and assume that they are just busy. But the voice in my head keeps telling me I cared way more about them then they ever did about me. Along with some other problems I'm dealing with at work (Hostile work environment) This whole situation has left me with a desire to not return. I feel unwelcome there but because of the current economy/covid it's hard to find another job atm. I feel stuck and it is making me depressed. I don't know what to do anymore about this situation. I am supposed to return to work May 4th. Some outside views on situation would be greatly appreciated.,3.8864682067158816,5.999672674208147,4.8576280066682545,80.95292926887355,73.3891402714932,8.272541081209813,31.088592522029053,8.99025400887824,2.829121266968325,915,43,170,20,19,298,133,221,0.091,0.8370000000000001,0.071,-0.5087,8,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,3,0,3,4,8,11,1,1,5,0,21,1,1,1,1,37,37,11,0,3,5,0,5,0,1,2,0,1,3,1,12,12,0,3,9,0,1,1,5,7,0,1,8,7,27,4,25,25,4,22,0,3,1,0,11,8,0,4,10,111,39,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811134930077857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498531100704274,0.11553391778566036,0.0,0.0,0.1092695032618736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343300862319363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233641804648396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359131325765826,0.094898349790878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966461913259572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22284239481796733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070303035167168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512522277732303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147444985870555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870013480068128,0.0,0.1130770355897152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33156023798467354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359011239292725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21867439759717536,0.1958670779364706,0.0,0.0,0.06055235105891501,0.0,0.0,0.11666529796803927,0.11971149440564735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354637542288807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466119494835245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638532318231786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542791005783753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116896857220262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494234740463515,0.0,0.0,0.09114249291989487,0.3715426775532719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743781067359725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518463790073233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284206453855247,0.0,0.09630266068150617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319906431876788,0.0,0.0,0.08747105266226693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480536378741062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650672807993684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749123907122387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301265387004948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208510224941482,0.0,0.0,0.07826910439290788,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,zeldazonkisme,2020/04/18,"Diagnosis Withheld I was in several bad car accidents, one very bad head on collision in 2000. I had been raped in my own apt in 1997. My parents really pushed me going on disability. They were relentless. I already had an income and health insurance through my husband. However, I needed p.t., and the health insurance didn't cover many sessions. I still didn't want to go on disability. I finally aquiesced. I got the the MRI films, and records about my spine, my r.a. and fibromyalgia diagnosis. After 5-6 years I began to wonder about what they actually put down as cause for disability. It took me YEARS, but I finally got the paperwork from medicare: bpd. My mom had started pushing this on me in 2005. This isn't her field, and nobody had ever mentioned anything like this to me before, so, I wasn't too concerned with her opinion. I even brought it up to my therapist at the time. My mom had gotten me so scared that I learned it could be treated with DBT (dialectical behavior therapy), and brought it up. My therapist said no, I didn't need it. I was denied care so many times for my spine, and pain. My mom kept telling me you must tell your docs you are a bpd. Why??? ""Nobody has ever diagnosed me with that, Mom! And keep your nose outta my business!"" She was pushing this hard. I started asking medicare for the paperwork and reason I was getting disability. It took me 9 freaking years to get it. NINE YEARS!!! well, needless to say, I am very upset by this. Number one, you can't diagnose a rape surivivor with this. And, number two, how can you diagnose someone with something so serious and absolutely LIFE CHANGING (having this label is horrible. You are treated terribly), and not TELL THEM?!?!??! All these years I thought I was on disability because my spine, and auto-immune disease. No wonder most doctors didn't believe me about my pain, etc. How can they do this to me??? What can I do to fix this??? Thank you.",2.9370782595782607,5.47031328846154,4.325877635877635,81.57047371547372,78.2032967032967,7.671398871398872,28.793881793881802,8.605353355243054,2.556452420552421,1503,69,276,34,37,496,190,364,0.14,0.8,0.06,-0.9841,3,0,1,0,0,0,82.0,0,8,4,0,18,17,2,2,9,0,33,17,5,4,4,41,59,21,0,5,2,6,1,1,0,1,10,2,0,0,21,18,0,3,5,1,0,11,10,11,1,4,28,4,59,6,38,28,4,41,0,0,0,2,28,14,0,4,17,197,80,3,0.0,0.0,0.08242712526553611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321088959355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950873729835905,0.0,0.07896478082566244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410520084258515,0.05148999797382885,0.0,0.07187477522264657,0.09516482729135524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127652144451108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611923210729669,0.08677036887349482,0.08935436332585292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743963181572593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571951762824807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645504788547388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942024817305102,0.0557893304885529,0.1528095806724714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505785692774274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826052615591874,0.0,0.0960085236071034,0.0,0.135111161774063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566539832527075,0.0,0.0866870035853037,0.17956789176437685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507771139724725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059661191050224875,0.041266068188240634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17127155877061248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957046031240816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526168762688308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144733807429164,0.0,0.17975663510275694,0.0,0.09379005880471196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491216818047448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05411140653330501,0.08684563588615184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034698969455446,0.06717115568587056,0.08456570765271579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954231091707234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156819629896333,0.06502644286019463,0.0,0.0,0.11957165516873515,0.0,0.06745506067827894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22148234736349887,0.07776541014984213,0.09659481076363496,0.1961442470846555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705697064129518,0.09850619764064976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769079184095167,0.0,0.0,0.08251150274800392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938742674176716,0.049820533599549514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759455327749136,0.0,0.07621788360127267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18320064497969699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27196830210755385 bpd,kristalovelove,2020/04/18,"Boyfriend with bpd making me feel suicidal I know having bpd isn't his fault, I know what happened to him and how his experiences created this problem, he had it really bad for years but he won't see his bpd as the culprit causing us stress in our relationship. My boyfriend under pressure becomes a completely different person and he really hurts me. He's normally an incredibly nice guy but when he's stressed over something or in a mood, he gets angry with me no matter what I do. He's told me talking on the phone is a lot of effort for him because of his depression so I haven't talked to him for about a month over the phone and a few weeks ago I asked if he could talk more and he got beyond annoyed with me. He makes me feel like I'm asking for too much when all I want is to talk a little more. He's the best boyfriend I could ever ask for but when I never know how he's going to react He used to self harm to punish himself whenever he hurt me which was so sad but now when he upsets me he doesn't even care or apologize and waits until I apologize for being upset after he upsets me. Then yesterday I ended up apologizing for calling him. I called him because I was having a bad day and I've never done that. When he answered he got really annoyed with me and said ""I'm not on call for you to talk to me whenever you please."" It really hurt me when he was being rude to me and said I was too demanding. Before yesterday's phone call we hadn't talked in a month and we only send some texts during the day never a lot. He said he can't be there for me because it's too much work and implied I was the problem. So I think he broke up with me, he won't respond to texts today at all and I'm feeling so alone and suicidal wondering where the man I love went When we're together in person everything was great, he'd tell me he's so lucky to have me and I'd say the same, we'd laugh and enjoy just sitting together. He'd even say sitting is my favorite thing to do when I'm with you. We would kiss and hold hands all the time..so where is my boyfriend..I'm left feeling so alone. I know this is lengthy but I guess I didn't know where to go and needed to let it all out somewhere.",2.863163032454364,3.839834040948277,4.431490872210953,87.59789046653147,73.89224137931033,7.700202839756592,25.069472616632858,8.124751697461798,1.294525304259634,1721,53,380,26,34,578,203,464,0.21100000000000002,0.677,0.11199999999999999,-0.9956,1,2,1,0,0,0,28.0,6,3,0,3,30,33,4,6,19,0,36,3,1,7,8,80,75,43,2,9,10,0,5,1,0,3,0,5,0,5,11,26,0,2,12,0,0,4,13,22,0,0,17,11,60,10,49,46,14,52,0,6,1,2,81,19,0,9,28,244,71,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385310772369443,0.0,0.0,0.14920939402563693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020240248045996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028946808525408,0.13173235610973813,0.07955503764605586,0.06129496897468345,0.0,0.07559442553747125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721699757231893,0.0,0.2942159060769877,0.0,0.07344267364716696,0.07399796453689504,0.0,0.0,0.07552546591983525,0.0,0.0,0.1150253375263852,0.0,0.0,0.09291094192601096,0.0,0.06204211113854623,0.0,0.0,0.0752593886313895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371499857340964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380005675337401,0.0,0.0,0.0951545314979086,0.06515817598969204,0.0,0.0,0.06473881789808937,0.07046231613919259,0.0,0.0,0.14568865165877834,0.051460550330733136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037634386999179766,0.0,0.08187628354416543,0.0,0.115223100780776,0.0794168848587503,0.07935271843172394,0.07132421779447219,0.06369874297141563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313391715574607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19793788313369545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826430972554756,0.07365885295968047,0.0,0.035191795194768234,0.07219621525414001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248014391979235,0.06501279792461072,0.0,0.09616547406523346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499246591100952,0.0,0.10590541724369394,0.05341172360555156,0.1666693914753048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057726639519332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478451355160743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579326723263445,0.0,0.07907084987515126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13785213604508334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18458531379673007,0.0,0.0,0.0773367259648069,0.0,0.0,0.2055602772439077,0.1145674234390312,0.0,0.0,0.05740115414948198,0.0,0.07514636353443999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05545469582760931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502763171826518,0.0,0.0,0.1575853133622819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473854660948406,0.06296021364023796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04785567392594565,0.046155982003894265,0.0,0.0,0.04200315277156657,0.0,0.06827907467317612,0.06883083340061713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664710045425597,0.0622135784751596,0.0,0.0,0.042487062419700974,0.0,0.05778070811539414,0.0,0.0,0.06677552124216353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781169597775268,0.05244104570934174,0.0,0.0,0.051170336303635516,0.0,0.0,0.046387035195978775 bpd,distant-world,2020/04/18,"Quite Borderline has made me walk through the lowest hells in silence I've gone through Depression, anxiety, C-PTSD, Religious trauma, now I've got Amnesia and ADHD all in silence because of quite Borderline which has been the lowest hell itself. I pretend to be normal because I don't have any choice. I have moved my whole life , now these last years changing countries which has led me to not have access to Therapy. And because I'm so different as a person I never formed stable relationships with people. Can't relate to most. Have cycled in and out of online friendships mostly. And that it.",6.9798701298701324,7.973900727272728,6.9512987012987,73.21409090909094,64.45454545454545,9.558441558441556,33.896103896103895,9.606745405546679,3.404792207792207,480,20,77,9,7,153,77,110,0.187,0.79,0.023,-0.9492,3,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,2,0,3,0,11,1,0,2,2,14,15,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,0,1,0,4,4,4,0,0,4,0,7,0,14,10,5,13,2,1,0,0,2,4,2,2,5,55,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383295754925379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485731343763732,0.0,0.1517062844543127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626630345123557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20978523872503246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080374903728518,0.0,0.0,0.20719130107919434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860628553651954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164877418363116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007191972761696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876453177294027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21077169757020145,0.0,0.0,0.15294857203345674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19430128143419415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748289195455174,0.17315627444561602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23181328455451605,0.0,0.0,0.4218532934495307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21291027159859632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22678428541592505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214055619126269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277048664656921 bpd,oonaghstrong,2020/04/19,"is this normal? i recently got diagnosed with borderline, and one thing i’ve noticed about myself is once i fixate myself on a romantic/sexual partner, even if i am not committed to them, my mood swings almost completely rely on them. like if they text me, i will get really manic and hyper, but if they ignore me or leave me on read it’s like i reach the lowest low, and i get suicidal and angry and anxious and it feels like i’m drowning. i feel ridiculous for having these intense mood swings over a person who doesn’t give two shits about me, and i was just wondering if this is a typical thing for people with borderline?",6.387177700348432,6.2737893902439055,7.2839953542392575,74.13658536585365,65.66666666666667,10.931010452961669,30.579558652729386,10.608840637214634,3.2186339140534246,497,16,91,12,7,167,81,123,0.243,0.677,0.08,-0.9753,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,4,0,4,9,2,0,4,0,8,2,1,0,1,24,16,13,2,5,8,0,2,3,1,1,1,0,0,2,8,9,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,4,0,2,2,2,19,3,11,13,0,6,0,1,0,0,8,5,1,7,4,68,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966729723381919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218837034855844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059287228947589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19934869980004566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972479487787691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986182912674513,0.14031300939364602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20522882334534065,0.18841123519595585,0.0,0.0,0.1570844065824404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20796637149361424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878632267634614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924368973717024,0.0,0.2236103674462017,0.0,0.20916676076357835,0.13309028541666162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616369883995488,0.1714947836102805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19645988358365296,0.0,0.12582318252639205,0.0,0.1939279542833248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20160868911972524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21483708794401754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609678125070611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19186083925575045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21299472393168695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Puppydog589,2020/04/19,"Need advice for LDR during quarantine I feel like I’m going crazy somedays. Right before al this quarantine stuff happened I got into a relationship with a guy who lives out of state. We have amazing chemistry, get along really well, and got really close fast. I absolutely adore this guy and want it to work between us so bad but with everything going on I don’t know when the next time I’ll see him is. He’s normally a pretty quiet guy, and neither of us are big texters and don’t communicate 24/7. However, with this quarantine I think about him all the time and have a hard time distracting myself. I told him that he’s not good with communication and asked through this if we can talk more and he has been trying and reaching out a little bit more, but it’s still not often. I feel since we can’t be physical it’s also hard to feel affection from him. He will tell me he misses me but it’s only when I say it first. He doesn’t really ever call unless I call him or ask him to. I also get he is trying to probably communicate more but also like WHAT DO WE TALK ABOUT? there’s nothing changing or going on in our lives and talking everyday while nothings happening is kinda hard to think of new topics to discuss. I really believe his feelings for me are genuine, and logically know he cares about me...but my bpd and emotions are telling me because I can’t see him that I’m loosing him and because he doesn’t reach out he doesn’t want me anymore. I’ve communicated with him a little how I feel but I don’t want to keep nagging him or be needy. This relationship is still fairly new and I know if we can get over this isolation it could be a really beautiful thing. But I’m not sure how to calm myself and look long term.",3.040768472906404,4.763095285714286,4.6928965517241386,82.91300000000003,74.71428571428571,7.913300492610839,25.21182266009852,8.641336200584522,1.7709881773399014,1370,46,275,27,29,462,169,350,0.087,0.797,0.115,0.8689,1,4,0,0,0,0,26.0,8,0,0,2,17,13,1,1,9,0,27,0,0,3,3,71,63,35,0,8,15,0,8,2,0,1,0,2,0,3,18,30,0,1,11,0,0,3,12,4,1,1,4,13,42,9,34,54,7,34,0,1,3,0,47,13,0,7,19,179,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241647483033894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20234099185770102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364302610753623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769380085918264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042072141187186,0.10282626509976857,0.0,0.07176747894597517,0.09502276310253782,0.0,0.0,0.09207788631222152,0.0,0.10622379688023127,0.0,0.1722419816679601,0.0,0.08599067138587127,0.0,0.0892209731279774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733895642061681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487161198594292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629073155139023,0.0,0.0,0.07579972432007326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21322523315305425,0.06025280743570618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173991166060832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219315329405942,0.0,0.1437977998942514,0.07074073637642292,0.1349094648010958,0.0,0.0,0.2505308046252763,0.14916389620734813,0.0,0.2266573299642135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496563370560952,0.0,0.0,0.13905385480764973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240893055202474,0.16906250039446544,0.1489482585881821,0.07463861089281085,0.07082470469936522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253734708492789,0.0,0.16291299161432088,0.08969698535661452,0.0,0.08263569693906798,0.1618538006489464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414468411762145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580452028673093,0.09093322937763383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701531390593109,0.0,0.0,0.18110007869397385,0.0,0.07202625131973814,0.0,0.06707088107795027,0.0,0.0,0.134416778107812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697672606466829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470872450123547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654959387525502,0.0,0.0,0.07948984051322187,0.0,0.0,0.2033688860695601,0.14743447569819773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05603202234010909,0.1080838614361138,0.0,0.0,0.14753871806883725,0.0,0.0,0.08059087833053638,0.0,0.11452320747279007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20290226299483088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923848116841154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583215958005722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06140082468113429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mickuchan,2020/04/19,"Self-Quarantaine moodswings So for the past month or so I have been in self-quarantine with my parents and my dog. The first week went pretty well. But the last few weeks my moods have been all over the place. I wake up raging mad, am super happy for a few hours then I feel depressed then I'm like really happy again and the in really mad again. And it's honestly driving me nuts. The worst thing about all of this is that my dad, whose got anger issues is there too. Most of the time. And he's a really big trigger to make me less stable, as that's what I've found out about now together with my psychiatrist. I very often just feel like I should just end it all, although I know that it'll all be worth it if I keep on going, or at least I assume that that is the case. I have just been all over the place lately, and it was all going so well for me the past few months. It really felt as if I had gained mental stability, or at least, what I would consider as mental stability. Only a few moodswings a week with sometimes a bad day. Now everyday is a mistory as I just don't know what kind of day it'll be. I really hope the rest of you all is doing well, in their own way. I myself am just, quite done from time to time.",3.0979457364341094,3.808371430232558,4.36124031007752,89.3238759689923,73.06976744186046,8.058914728682172,21.310077519379846,8.344100000000001,0.7630449612403103,951,18,220,15,18,314,133,258,0.098,0.76,0.142,0.8271,1,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,1,4,20,19,4,0,17,0,24,1,1,2,7,42,38,21,0,5,11,2,3,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,18,9,0,1,7,0,1,4,1,7,3,1,10,3,25,11,29,22,18,42,0,1,0,0,6,13,0,9,26,162,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413143616601707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541323589251026,0.0,0.09710098676475767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537001190782666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998523156725921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400733773310726,0.08053997720053653,0.108246062204601,0.0,0.0,0.09589479885529556,0.0,0.1236112866841327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281430915046687,0.0,0.09016679621784576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400231785703033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119741709636376,0.111024120682965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117669075788028,0.0,0.1002066241629692,0.0,0.11739917269216946,0.12391560130820835,0.0918964341884422,0.12717326000317256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015608517267893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525342265983445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272265708631829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799726299696227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574225195865846,0.0,0.0,0.12518209463176505,0.0,0.21524216131741666,0.0,0.0,0.23557421774708304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469497276073752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991063221618907,0.0,0.0,0.3611139229272872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352204306743488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115006642977729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748980502956285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19721512565435648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302057311424512,0.0,0.08948609629655438,0.2712946257474507,0.0,0.3040947300337364,0.10450916136405752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008576847219033,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lofigbeets,2020/04/19,"DAE think that shame is the worst feeling? I can live thru every intense emotion, but shame just is crushing me.",3.78142857142857,6.300728333333336,3.1145238095238104,91.43464285714286,75.19047619047619,4.2,29.54761904761905,3.1291,0.8596476190476188,89,4,16,0,2,26,19,21,0.423,0.493,0.085,-0.8909999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6081546776538708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4555180946479258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733671753254933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4774008699368521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34642452328629586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LivenowDietomarrow,2020/04/19,Stealing friends personalities? Hey. Noticed Im copying my friends personalities feeling movements ect. Driving me crazzyy and pushes others away. Literally image myself as them sometimes. How do you deal with this? Why cant i just be myself without having to think about it so much???,4.236875000000001,7.56476560416667,4.695833333333336,72.08250000000002,90.875,4.9,35.16666666666667,6.6274283507984215,3.0086166666666667,231,14,31,3,8,73,44,48,0.069,0.768,0.162,0.6072,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,7,6,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,7,2,6,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,0,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531515686935579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27778499984242033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623901518987902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4163436325830214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910458271139638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980723904610963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30676385395034234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4705363293616221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664870700253981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726488772251175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431313593861888,0.0,0.0,0.2597344635977515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,EscapeTroubleshoot,2020/04/19,"Dating someone new! How can I help her understand my BPD? As stated in the title, I recently started seriously dating someone new. She’s amazing, and she thinks I’m amazing. She’s well aware of my mental illnesses, including my BPD, but she’s never really interacted with someone with BPD before. She tries her best to understand but sometimes seems to struggle with adapting to my moods, which range from terribly insecure and needy to hopelessly depressed. I’m working on myself and working to obviously manage my symptoms as best as possible, but I figured there must be some things in the meantime I could tell my girlfriend or explain that might help her “get” me more. Any ideas?",6.540894308943088,8.421897073170733,6.816422764227643,70.53406504065042,66.07317073170732,9.694308943089432,37.24390243902439,9.994966539143718,4.2799853658536575,552,29,84,13,9,178,79,123,0.184,0.6609999999999999,0.156,-0.6312,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,4,3,12,0,2,2,0,5,2,0,1,3,24,14,11,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,1,20,5,16,10,4,11,0,2,0,0,14,3,0,4,7,61,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254298936977444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579896606572568,0.0,0.28562723708000265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5141857857191572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865341299396022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721047326650673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109919746957358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824308445351644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362426856831707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714244724475616,0.1443654952503154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049577343268062,0.2628649670390934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341625706931986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718002817412003,0.0,0.13436827918911892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388737289941185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459150908898112,0.0,0.13459230505590694,0.0,0.0963222075924091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226639294705412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144522010248878,0.0,0.0,0.11894496016186955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040933789022496,0.08719826575011001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239330411663718,0.0,0.0,0.283340169304532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235744940284275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19814412093284176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Moopa15,2020/04/19,"Struggling Lately I’ve been struggling more with that feeling of emptiness as well as dissociation and feeling like I don’t know who I am as and individual. Maybe it’s the lack of what little social interactions I had that have started to effect me? Anyone else who was doing pretty good starting to crash?",8.727894736842106,8.430790912280703,8.79543859649123,65.84473684210528,60.92982456140351,9.705263157894738,36.54385964912281,8.841846274778883,3.3009228070175443,250,10,40,3,3,82,45,57,0.198,0.5870000000000001,0.214,-0.1612,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,2,1,0,7,0,0,1,0,8,12,5,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,3,2,4,3,8,9,2,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668688964395384,0.2445240540456464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19936057703349735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24133616194662236,0.17049085933704308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001674187185568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115522307449898,0.0,0.2692064132157423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659182355821072,0.23918894571575225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23975494936697295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24279178052072534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432725532835556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378339137715353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4989754027528136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21457406886780386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kiiwishi,2020/04/19,"Questioning my therapist— something that doesn’t make sense to me Hi! I’ve been lurking on this sub a while and finally decided to post a pressing question I’ve had for a while. I’m NOT diagnosed with BPD, for one, but I’ve been expressing borderline traits for a while, which is something my therapist and I agree on. I’ve questioned about personality disorders in the past, in fear that I might have one. Her response to this was that if you believe you have a personality disorder, you don’t have one, because people who actually have personality disorders are oblivious to the damage they do and their irregular emotions. Is it just me, or does this make no sense? It’s possible to be self-aware and actively seek help, right? This opinion is the only roadblock to getting evaluated for BPD for me. I’m not sure what to do. If anyone has any opinions or advice to share, I’d appreciate it a lot. <3",5.435096339113676,6.6859304624277485,6.675274566473987,72.88185211946053,68.07514450867052,10.622157996146436,34.647880539499035,10.686352973137794,3.994368400770712,722,35,133,21,12,244,101,173,0.12300000000000001,0.787,0.09,-0.6117,0,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,2,0,2,4,0,1,9,0,19,1,0,2,1,24,24,12,0,2,8,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,13,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,4,1,13,2,19,18,1,11,0,1,0,0,17,5,0,11,5,93,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.11708758692576696,0.0,0.0,0.1172474876808238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159359040048911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389596858550802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314145184787843,0.0,0.0,0.13518147032128802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30223261409235963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178176566209463,0.0,0.0,0.41253797658582503,0.0,0.10499926504522304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496643942221856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501594658070934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143718065819104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268696133162331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804230969130503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200655116235877,0.0,0.0,0.1601812022153011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12728461839882207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439138549702665,0.09125363680445378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114538804178689,0.08318216110987453,0.3142975736111727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526452220030258,0.11491200669331772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032303780852726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246612745438856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517002562571872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18473989615284775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308399340678645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786225590972555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RonaldMcFondles,2020/04/19,"Does anyone feel like you're a Narcissist at times? I was raised by two extremely narcissistic people, and I'm always terrified I've turned into them. I definitely had some bad NPD traits I picked up from being raised by them, as well as a 6 year relationship with an incredibly toxic narcissist. But, after intensive therapy for the past 1.5 years I've made a lot of progress. It was sad to realize I wasn't even aware of my emotional impact on others. I still feel like I'm a narcissist, even though my therapist tells me I'm not. Anyone else?",5.514636118598381,6.430366528301889,6.791185983827492,73.34424528301888,67.67924528301887,11.340161725067384,29.293800539083556,11.20814326018867,3.5183008086253373,436,15,82,14,7,148,77,106,0.10099999999999999,0.7609999999999999,0.138,0.2406,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,1,5,5,0,0,6,0,5,0,0,2,0,12,12,5,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,5,2,10,3,15,6,2,10,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,8,49,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008053515272316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690414807807364,0.1971221569466847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606342453641873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16835825502070373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071378788625307,0.2164083169315099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541382317746418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19455224958470546,0.2748811446250444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18798013006811573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635596682222318,0.0,0.18204025241147645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836541731542289,0.13337620494084265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20655052868783272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363968069617215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681538137470146,0.0,0.2200101183425501,0.22337493428555644,0.0,0.0,0.18901823447021726,0.0,0.11218180370695943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20926068562416253,0.18793313368179596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729780877596285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24778050853486103 bpd,aconflictedteacher,2020/04/19,"Distancing myself from friends So I have this group of friends from college, at first I really really really loved them, would enjoy going out with them, joking around and also seeking advice in them and talking about serious matters. I started to see life from a different perspective about a year after meeting them, because of new people in my life and stuff, and my personality changed quite a lot, as well as the things I believe in, care about and fight for. I noticed we didn’t have much in common, they are simple girls, religious and gossip-y. And I’m quite the opposite, so I started to think about our friendship and what it really meant for me... and it doesn’t. So every time they open their mouths I just get so annoyed and have an internal fight with myself because I wanna scream at them and say a lot of things, but I also have social anxiety so it’s kinda hard, so I keep it all to my very self. I eye roll at everything they say, I don’t even go out with them anymore and I don’t trust them. So a few weeks ago one of them was talking about this topic that’s really close to my heart, so I snapped (it was thru text so way easier for me) and I started to rant and babble about the situation and it got kinda spicy. I stopped after a few minutes because I knew it was getting nowhere and everyone was reading it because it was on the group chat. I was literally shaking thru the whole fight and still moments later. So from that day on I haven’t talked in the group chat at all, I muted it and haven’t seen any messages. I chose to distance myself because I don’t know what they think about me and Idk I’m just very embarrassed now. And tbh, I don’t think I will ever talk to them again as a whole, I didn’t even consider them my friends anymore so what difference does it make. I’m even seeing it as the perfect excuse to end the friendship once and for all. My graduation is in December and my plan was to officially end things after that, so I don’t have to see them on campus and it being awkward. But I will start now, I will distance myself so much until me being not their friend anymore is a natural result from that, and then after graduation I will leave the group chat. I dunno if this makes sense for anyone, but that’s my plan so far and I really do not like them anymore, we have absolutely nothing in common and I even hate some of them, like so much. So there’s no point in keeping the friendship, I’d much rather be at peace and not having to deal with people I don’t want in my life. I also have a few friends that I ADORE and they completely understand me and support me and we do have a lot in common and I actively seek them to hang out or just talk, and they do too, so it’s now like I’d be “alone”, Iv never had a long term life long friendship so this isn’t new to me, but it had never been a well thought out choice, it just kinda happened. Tl;dr - My friends from college whom I loved at first are super annoying to me now and I want to end the friendship, which will do eventually by distancing myself, which I’m already doing because I got in a fight with one of them. This will probably bring me peace because I don’t need people I don’t like in my life. So I hope I’m making the right choice.",3.4251624637770486,4.604882138972812,4.61613971268266,86.03029995684078,72.7764350453172,7.579308218755782,26.047968432085824,8.025739664096186,1.439404611874961,2544,83,531,36,49,838,244,662,0.09300000000000001,0.752,0.155,0.9942,1,1,0,0,4,1,60.0,4,0,23,8,50,35,7,3,26,0,53,11,3,4,7,99,96,67,0,8,14,0,1,4,6,7,6,3,0,3,37,48,0,3,8,5,0,5,20,12,2,4,18,9,94,23,83,67,17,77,0,0,5,2,62,31,0,11,44,401,131,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06069634364106843,0.05505964353905071,0.0,0.0,0.06433058891416164,0.06854350983512822,0.14901581752619034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04223913620510484,0.0,0.04751646202116688,0.0,0.2463985928179015,0.043431024750214056,0.0,0.0,0.055293956366026915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650456012750965,0.0,0.0,0.06998035641379245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332859238528983,0.0,0.06570757674499263,0.0,0.06512455509074247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04005790419363806,0.0640360276827356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979024071755674,0.0,0.0,0.05435571882438566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650416952834602,0.0,0.0,0.1641008487189444,0.05618498568889396,0.05233308740260767,0.059351866911991465,0.055823379059835684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566698806023823,0.0,0.0,0.2879312316727803,0.0,0.06490321322971725,0.0,0.07060077648454292,0.0,0.09935527153832603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549265369677583,0.0,0.05564126677582934,0.06132396958623694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360449378076639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06169246678396041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041821126256547,0.0,0.0,0.03413581476840604,0.0,0.0,0.06576895746728491,0.0,0.0,0.2193621074403697,0.121381575180824,0.0,0.0,0.10993653356244648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584193778167423,0.11211925642507456,0.0,0.12438321903706152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18264152615796425,0.046056183753084484,0.09581112661694817,0.11997871715543568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059599333288792126,0.07071634053231902,0.0,0.06614857822170518,0.08417908393565447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291845088214394,0.05423488926656634,0.0,0.0,0.05871709281513316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696858304190907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213016236473354,0.06213005321313578,0.0,0.2387480095135709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05304437141093876,0.0,0.09878989011837508,0.0,0.0,0.14848864208191678,0.0,0.06479766039526437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981788924637093,0.0,0.06331663064922406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17585629657219565,0.0,0.049603717282306975,0.05192945363815274,0.0,0.0,0.07110480447412719,0.0,0.07048537376865571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496213655540337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237958389943417,0.1193989771332411,0.0,0.04931097800598157,0.03621873236187943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466207805223809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249986345402992,0.07327200179427018,0.04930260234026849,0.04982349811436032,0.0,0.11169453258928144,0.0,0.0,0.13869443855590224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04412346676755464,0.0,0.0,0.03999889298694603 bpd,icryallthetime420,2020/04/19,"DAE react to positive praise from people as mocking? I remember when I was younger, whenever my mom used to praise me (quite rarely) I used feel angry since it felt like she was mocking me, it was almost better for her to yell at me. Nowadays I pretty much counter all positive praise with negativity instead. It still feels weird to hear positive praise on aspects of myself/my work. It feels like people are blatantly lying to me or making fun of me. It seems better to counter their words with phrases like “no, not really”, “it could be better”, “im more stupid than smart”.",5.0758333333333345,6.6702539907407425,5.408333333333335,80.33250000000002,69.27777777777777,8.362962962962964,28.314814814814817,8.841846274778883,2.2542370370370364,453,16,82,8,8,144,71,108,0.152,0.517,0.331,0.9798,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,9,3,16,3,0,0,0,6,0,0,4,2,19,15,3,0,1,2,1,4,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,6,13,12,16,9,3,4,4,0,0,0,9,2,0,3,5,51,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18042279792831215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4780598743875138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385791636748685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733110762819481,0.12871959700192684,0.17299967032929486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20307432852793925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946237601737954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640784250925272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027058579456652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110229481160201,0.0,0.0,0.13245197088174032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498262494220927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833063676582561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19164207380743206,0.0,0.0,0.11542699724199974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041071811797758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402779110622084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490455641249932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389082823190608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112328452728463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117213528971455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Bbghostcat,2020/04/19,"Comparing my past to my present showed me how far I’ve come I’m posting this to show how you CAN get better. It’s hard as fuck, but I know that we’re all capable of major strides in conquering BPD. I’m nowhere near recovered but I can say that my life isn’t controlled by this disorder as much as it was years ago. Through DBT and a lot of personal growth I was able to get to where I am. Today I was having a really hard time figuring out how to work my computer to do some schoolwork (attending college alone was something I never imagined I could do, but that’s another story) and I needed another eye to figure out how the hell to make my computer work. My FP was playing video games. I wanted him to look at it and he was blowing me off a tiny bit. My physiological symptoms started with me sweating profusely. This added to the irritation and I felt myself start to get enraged. Nothing was working and my boyfriend doesn’t care about my problems and I’m going to fail this entire course because I can’t figure out anything and I’m a dumbass. I stopped. Instead of starting a fight, I decided to take a shower. Afterwards, Boyfriend checked on me and I explained how I was feeling and how I knew my feelings were irrational. He asked if I’d like to smoke and I said yes, so we started to get ready to outside. He walked out the door before me because I was putting my shoes on. Which is when it hit me: I used to SOB and SCREAM when my previous FP from years back left to smoke without me. I used to take as a personal attack and that it symbolized him wanting to leave me. That hasn’t been a problem in over two years. I’m so different. I’ve graduated DBT and I’m working on myself every day. I found medication that works for me. Comparing myself now to then is mindblowing. I know that I’m nowhere near done and it gives me hope that I can continue to get better. I have hope that you all can too.",2.533201940570045,4.398495958762889,4.097186173438448,86.01339902971499,76.5257731958763,7.5543966040024255,28.679805942995767,8.405096225971981,2.106346027895696,1504,67,310,29,34,501,196,388,0.159,0.748,0.094,-0.9815,3,1,3,0,2,0,32.0,1,2,0,10,16,17,5,0,11,1,28,7,3,10,3,63,71,33,0,9,5,0,5,1,0,0,3,3,2,2,20,21,0,2,13,5,1,6,6,10,0,1,16,10,54,7,50,53,7,46,1,2,2,1,17,17,3,5,23,204,74,10,0.09774877546564896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866483916266752,0.0,0.0,0.10123825189415736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20499622789694297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043891347278911,0.0,0.0913819099456317,0.11120334356357878,0.0,0.07516277466126016,0.0,0.11917349250505475,0.0,0.08317700838376653,0.0,0.0,0.17290169685876974,0.10671634609760336,0.0,0.12311116084088125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996613912016126,0.0,0.0,0.0842019147955696,0.0,0.0,0.10963356343180948,0.07804444331907033,0.0,0.0,0.06303987362091137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212666559527456,0.11202856524038984,0.0,0.0,0.10003093495132152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235755919992564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988494357950234,0.0,0.0938541535020036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717648696637433,0.0,0.09036716781520902,0.2553485037443773,0.09376953239158067,0.05555288171854289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751274060020729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941731794366214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744034128919408,0.0,0.0,0.10350183940914233,0.10620433055248456,0.0,0.06904285088611263,0.04775511421115209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208435273296255,0.0,0.0,0.08310251337160507,0.0,0.0,0.06524806665500163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847160758889728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185659708550747,0.0724794784375421,0.07538988165996965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379258635834307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331226668645126,0.0,0.17070092078114554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936163066388744,0.0,0.0,0.18706475372029072,0.0,0.0982645177359214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262036856374018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929814697121814,0.07773374959885146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752517829265465,0.0,0.0,0.27674834553909033,0.0,0.0,0.08172235318971174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159840504647327,0.14698982832992913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056998097048849374,0.0,0.09265440967711852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548635017734924,0.0,0.0,0.1688471150234134,0.0,0.0,0.11530952070616753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422633137569868,0.0,0.3558113636064474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18884101974116016 bpd,vrtex999,2020/04/19,"How can i know when my mood is changind? I have been in therapy since I was 11 (today I am 21), and during those years I have been treating panic disorder, anxiety and depression, but recently I was diagnosed with BPD, honestly I was scared since I did not know anything about it, I went to research google and I got even more scared, I don’t know much about it but after calming down and seeing other people's reports on how it really is I realized that I have many of these symptoms, the problem is that I don’t know how to understand when I’m going to have one of these “crises ""of change in feeling or behavior, how can i identify? I need examples please",6.551417666303166,5.868294152671759,7.2917775354416605,76.11633587786261,65.48854961832062,11.45517993456925,34.74482006543076,10.914260884657429,3.7073110141766636,518,21,102,13,7,173,81,131,0.147,0.76,0.09300000000000001,-0.7236,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,9,9,0,3,1,0,18,2,0,4,0,22,30,13,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,7,0,0,2,3,5,0,1,8,2,17,3,14,22,2,12,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,1,6,77,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022937124552136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400889669462347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144051255439316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18008614365596845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662322608133144,0.17278502410572988,0.0,0.0,0.19510415165296865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124386656776163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607597210041497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674851977543997,0.0,0.13615254579139738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742269946161222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725916529921833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514237225973718,0.12622715574784485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535569681177868,0.0,0.0,0.19973418871581106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801957078217955,0.0,0.0,0.18686699863899867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289198206035074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090569522032936,0.0,0.16808660547687948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408700282755942,0.0,0.13565531939095885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816404368349609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693943132586246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946786516083657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16136295201291567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17722072330260152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15780962588337086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962581098496847 bpd,growthinthe6ix,2020/04/19,"Bf hangs up on me in arguments Today I asked my bf if he’s friends with this girl from his past cause I’ve been noticing that they message eachother on snapchat. He says they barely talk and it’s because he rarely uses snapchat. He got mad because I said it makes no sense that they’re best friends on it if they barely talk. I just wanted to reassure him if he is close with her again he can tell me. He told me to stop with all the questions and that they barely talk. He just doesn’t use snapchat a lot. He says I need to work on my trust and said I’m having an episode again. Then hung up on me. I called him back and mid conversation he hung up on me again and told me to leave him alone. Is it normal for your partner to hang up when they’re mad? This really pisses me off and I want to just block him off everything but I know that’s irrational. So am I wrong or is he wrong?",1.3240616246498609,3.0040289629629666,2.3564643635231874,97.96963585434177,79.47619047619048,5.7169000933706835,20.64145658263305,6.522977012572876,-0.05597068160597597,690,18,167,6,17,218,101,189,0.146,0.794,0.06,-0.9387,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,4,2,9,10,3,0,3,0,8,1,1,4,1,32,22,14,0,7,8,0,0,0,5,0,0,4,0,2,10,10,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,6,4,28,5,24,16,3,26,0,0,0,0,44,15,1,6,9,98,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515620808330377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680631740201468,0.0,0.0,0.1125249232943616,0.0,0.17841262730504465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357274933867368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942750498518914,0.0,0.0,0.15032948234739366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151919844429708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261208203113429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703990240298595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042356217404109,0.0,0.0,0.15495085955550605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441137231630428,0.0,0.0,0.0976817810218976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850780573702444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338021307861099,0.0,0.16660683355902764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969622194812012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16393210084897242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374789849171564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784019827451325,0.2327477730941771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223451577665968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528629308918873,0.1279059009832519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871135530572384,0.2796645453536861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527781704721503,0.0,0.0,0.17262794024099112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653583925691236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199953582089087,0.0,0.0 bpd,MadDetective,2020/04/19,"I'm in a relationship with someone who has BPD. I'm a 27 year old man in a relationship with a 25 year old woman who has BPD. Our relationship has lasted 2 years and I enjoy being with her. I love her and I really want the best for us. I know BPD is very stigmatized and associated with manipulative behavior but I can see in her that she really struggles with herself and wants to control it. I'm a very emotionally stable person and have mostly had really stable relationships in the past so I believe I'm good at working through problems but despite wanting to be with her more than anyone else in the past we've struggled a lot and I don't think it has to or want it to end. She's a beautiful and loving person at heart and I believe that's the case despite the ups and downs she always deals with. I want to help her however I can but lately I'm feeling more lost and I don't know if I'm doing more harm than good. So I'm asking if there's anything you guys have found that has really helped you or the people you care about cope with it. Is there anything that I might be doing wrong, or something I should be considering? I've done some research but I feel like I could use some guidance. Due to financial concerns it's hard for her to see a professional regularly.",3.0829064039408856,4.662169310344829,4.945265462506843,81.74413793103449,74.28735632183907,7.8833059660645874,25.838533114395183,8.563005593585519,1.770030322933771,1014,35,206,19,21,347,127,261,0.09,0.725,0.18600000000000005,0.9759,1,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,2,3,0,4,5,14,0,2,14,0,24,3,1,3,0,49,50,21,0,10,9,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,5,11,18,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,4,5,30,8,30,39,8,20,0,1,2,2,32,9,0,10,12,140,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612162974408146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396741479609627,0.09373569266953437,0.15056630886639108,0.0,0.08552475589025159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20614123254264935,0.096006325935877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456609295388837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327356102834697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260656354701343,0.07304215864414787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431550759473302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361941874792656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642275461269964,0.1029066635695839,0.08102725829109822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251364817487708,0.06535585570979703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030697421872024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346409756443916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058308270764373,0.0,0.0,0.08195127819571384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840842949504123,0.12263897029045988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055391671054577,0.0745712912000263,0.10319741226418526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044694234207293515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986508530566494,0.07777603000639231,0.16513492425336518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704957365122688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919931616688972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746627715413884,0.06342316434344354,0.15975978821994982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753738790925039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344267804583121,0.0,0.0,0.3928763194905402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458010660227588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751370236166419,0.07042849475271604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19127690805160524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861895530854745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004342857908893,0.07901240138087616,0.0,0.15096699467296926,0.26979679610779217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660110307067099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000228842371701,0.0,0.17673719147518152 bpd,DorkasaurusRex,2020/04/19,"Advice for helping my fiancé heal and trust me now that I am doing better mentally Hi everyone. I'm (27F) engaged to my very loving and supportive partner (26M) and we have been a couple for almost 8 years. I only finally got a BPD diagnosis last fall and everything suddenly made sense. Before the diagnosis I was still working as hard as possible to improve myself but struggling and fiance often found himself playing the role of therapist. The first few years of our relationship were rough because I was unable to support him in the way he needed. Although I've improved immensely and no longer need him in that role, he is now afraid that I will revert to old ways. Almost 2 months ago he tried to leave me, after we had been engaged for about 2 years. He loves me immensely but is burnt out. Since the conversation in which he tried to break up, we are still living together, have gone to couples therapy, communicate openly about issues that need to be worked through and past actions I have forgotten about that I am 100% owning up to. Our wedding is supposed to be in August, assuming the virus doesn't prevent that. Despite all of our work, he is still afraid commit to marriage at this point. I know he just needs time but the time we have is running out. This is absolutely torturous for me and I don't know what else I can do.",5.693747702205883,6.695514574218753,6.323566176470589,76.54716911764707,67.3203125,9.304779411764708,31.855698529411764,9.478462496947786,2.968968106617647,1065,43,191,21,17,348,154,256,0.067,0.8029999999999999,0.131,0.9449,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,7,0,0,5,10,13,1,3,9,0,27,3,0,1,2,34,42,14,0,4,4,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,10,15,0,1,4,1,0,4,3,4,0,1,10,2,27,9,34,29,3,38,0,0,0,2,28,11,0,4,20,131,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124995424650523,0.10091848136308024,0.0,0.22800261677617625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940006419370184,0.0,0.0968753973712507,0.0,0.0,0.10068840485387,0.0,0.0,0.14338628978178047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251939042738974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510454583429376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878567113449747,0.10231832749295933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247138051633061,0.0,0.09683818564577862,0.0,0.1248273406975354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910538324857924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101984535009787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630923296450659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882667195666155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513464908561006,0.0928004861614454,0.0,0.12054751687093547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005289718296226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055026942183394,0.10772476809150333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114730981844525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908715757277743,0.0,0.0,0.33766438160419604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946325761448233,0.0,0.0,0.08658576077091562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867982740079332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762219760386836,0.12834536759477386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222905377970915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417540086281748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727550432401677,0.0,0.0,0.11901758554128933,0.0,0.0,0.258384414493958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019394701048684,0.1321851221068146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277018272972785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545892567928767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393568405839094,0.0,0.1807328720498842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486458787712913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21994117344315905 bpd,MazzyMouse,2020/04/19,"I’ve been dissociating since last September. I’ve been dissociating consecutively for 7 months. It got to the point where I paid $750 for an MRI of my brain to see what’s wrong with me in January. I was 100% sure that the MRI would show something medically/physically wrong with me. But the MRI was clear and my doctor couldn’t see anything wrong. I need help, I can’t live like this anymore, I can hardly have live conversation and I can’t focus on anything longer than 30 minutes without stopping what I was doing and staring at a wall. I have been diagnosed with BPD officially about 2 years ago and I take a medication called carbamazepine to help stabilize the mood disorder. I have no interest in doing anything. I force myself to be productive but I can’t stay focused on what I’m fucking doing to stay productive! My brain constantly feels heavy and fuzzy. My memory is shit, I had a conversation the other day with a friend and he was asking me to remind him when my birthday was and how old I will be. I paused and said I think I’m 23... which I am, but it took me a solid minute to figure out how old I was. I can’t think of anything besides laying in bed all day and sleeping/napping because that seems to be the only thing that makes the fuzzy brain feeling go away. I can’t even remember what I was doing the day before yesterday. I’ve become impulsive because of this to spike up an interest in something. I bought fucking roller skates so that it might help me go outside and do something. I feel like my body is here but my mind isn’t mine. It feels like I’m not here in the physical world. Please I’m begging for someone who has experienced this to validate that this feeling will end soon or some advice to help manage it. I can’t take this anymore.",4.152469405594406,5.499767664772726,5.278068181818182,81.33493881118879,71.2159090909091,8.483566433566434,28.595279720279716,8.950670267944501,2.233886451048951,1406,53,279,27,26,465,178,352,0.043,0.813,0.145,0.9846,0,0,3,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,0,10,14,3,0,16,0,39,13,5,3,3,45,67,19,0,3,7,0,6,3,1,4,6,1,1,0,23,15,0,1,10,2,2,3,11,6,0,0,16,11,39,7,35,43,2,35,0,0,3,2,13,15,3,4,18,180,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770488467298597,0.07955997671432644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802027989094593,0.0,0.0,0.2954339007419328,0.0,0.08390626174239242,0.0,0.08432521711207004,0.0,0.0,0.10942430794927988,0.09912433659480087,0.07637257571602224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099694544660306,0.11303984881767673,0.3005796662955686,0.09164710799104726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699032452336094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364837765123922,0.0,0.0,0.09109667016271172,0.0,0.0,0.10286388327052223,0.09186525690288697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794938760324046,0.0,0.0,0.059280531364231566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269072357384429,0.1282380868206447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693423852595005,0.16594906453876512,0.0,0.0,0.10201657279418784,0.0,0.07178309358676138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040040952863986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406362329572396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316008344913343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154528445255967,0.0,0.15850580686217006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059910340703065376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904159749502274,0.0,0.09521298066277918,0.09062421255910323,0.0,0.07163940986076693,0.0,0.0,0.06655017489074933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883598299469237,0.0,0.0,0.06826064976089159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985210461810402,0.08484491066113939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167183175867672,0.0,0.085374966878065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430418863015997,0.08170710057678028,0.0,0.0,0.09212942082440456,0.07424400960564978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604681160769068,0.2072870592847027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19132796710707065,0.0,0.0750369209947551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459045729919751,0.0,0.1349650824398197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596274236122073,0.11501926795315677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997180802769085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651799057536239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375744125717467,0.2943900704891561,0.0,0.057797522651653686 bpd,InitialBeat6,2020/04/19,"My FP keeps trying to get me to try cocaine. Is it safe? I created a throwaway for this since I don't want anyone finding out. I've known my FP for about 4 years, he's about 8 years older than me, we started getting close about a month ago after this whole quarantine lockdown came. We smoke weed together which eventually leads to us sleeping together sometime, I was okay with it, but recently he's gotten into coke and he keeps pressuring me to try it whenever we're together. I've heard bad stories about cocaine addiction, and I don't want to go down that path. He's been a distant and angry recently so I messaged him telling him we should try it, but I'm scared now. I don't want him to leave, I would actually lose my shit if he did, especially now, but I feel like especially with my BPD (i haven't told him), I'm probably shooting myself in the foot if I try it. Is it easy to get addicted to coke? Is it something I could try once and stop or quickly recover from it if things go bad?",3.9107142857142847,4.708125225490196,5.4212885154061645,82.14794117647061,71.25490196078431,9.161904761904765,30.747899159663863,9.424239791934726,2.643107563025209,782,33,164,17,14,265,116,204,0.18,0.763,0.057,-0.9794,0,2,4,1,0,0,22.0,4,0,0,2,8,9,1,2,4,1,13,7,3,1,0,34,31,12,0,9,7,0,1,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,13,13,2,4,3,0,0,4,4,6,0,0,7,2,27,3,23,21,1,22,0,1,0,0,17,5,1,4,14,96,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.12153723790624595,0.2715432667653252,0.0,0.0,0.11040097725307538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870842465975181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20797851981348028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685914316971106,0.0,0.0,0.14244546135242098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943846215542533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297332303468897,0.08897444852767615,0.0,0.0,0.11383120282993114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952077158566287,0.0,0.14156275300241195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214013321985618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187439493963332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608460374020415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933317648357246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941004491317404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326355786229934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427978348310174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24594487511919302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246905372059055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784289931727147,0.10302430385420763,0.0,0.12463421039645455,0.0,0.0,0.09588026066221177,0.12317746367946332,0.0,0.08815307251266206,0.0,0.0,0.10412458311329592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885717800960483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274167627660198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900738340652355,0.0,0.5073442879513211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981141728745576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22037830478250106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904922527584365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847267322892685,0.0,0.0,0.1604048479415986 bpd,kitty-mommy,2020/04/19,"not sure where to go from here, please help! sorry it’s lengthy. so my biggest trigger is my fp seeing attractive girls on youtube, shows and he’s addicted to reddit so i’ll even go as far as checking the popular page to see if there’s any attractive girls on it and there usually is. i feel my heart sink to my stomach and it triggers me to my core. he recently found a youtuber who goes out on a boat with his gf and his gf is hot and all the comments put time stamps of where she shows her ass and things like that. he’s my soulmate, we live together and he understands and puts up with me. he doesn’t watch porn, follow any subreddits with girls or anything and doesn’t even follow any ig models. i know this sounds so stupid...but i got so triggered i looked up that youtuber and watched so many vids with the thumbnails of his gf in a bikini and i went into a spiral. i told him it triggered me calmly and he ignored me the whole night until he got off his pc at 3am and went to bed. he brought it up and called it stupid and it set off my trigger..meanwhile i was quiet all night, in my head, looking up things to make it worse for me and he calls it stupid. so i tell him why it triggers me and then we fight about it. and i start crying. and he said “i can’t believe you’re like this” ad i went to the bathroom and sobbed. in his eyes, he sees me crying and thinks “wow all this over something so dumb” when in reality it’s more than that. it’s his harsh words, my triggers, and how he didn’t comfort me knowing i was upset. he didn’t go to the bathroom to stop my crying and it makes bpd worse when you “test” your partner to see if they love you and they “fail” the “test” so instead he goes to sleep. this causes me to stop crying and instead i split so hard that i’m boiling and raging and so mad that i think things like “fuck him i HATE him he doesn’t love or care” etc. so i didn’t sleep last night. had a nightmare about my triggers and this morning i hear him on his pc and he hasn’t even said anything to me...where do i go from here? do i keep the split and ignore tf out of him or do i talk about it? i wanna ignite lol but i need help..we have an amazing relationship but it’s my triggers and bpd that cause so many issues and the fact that he’s an aries and has that fiery anger and takes jabs at me and says little sarcastic things that get embedded in my head forever. it’s exhausting. how can i stop the triggers and stop being obsessed with what he’s watching and doing? please be kind. thank you",1.133238788948976,3.012172326454035,2.4112106831475555,96.38973144980322,80.89493433395873,5.306095721590701,21.14516425707244,6.2272716619740125,0.0186703380789468,1962,57,454,15,51,629,232,533,0.134,0.778,0.08800000000000001,-0.9541,0,0,1,0,1,0,43.0,2,4,2,1,30,32,9,2,17,1,23,15,8,16,5,93,66,64,0,4,8,0,3,3,4,0,2,6,1,4,37,47,1,7,7,2,1,12,9,16,0,0,16,19,69,16,54,48,7,55,0,2,10,5,64,26,4,5,19,279,106,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302082461824736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536522033902014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533910909071058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580126134553878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19183057742493145,0.0,0.15552672645204782,0.0,0.07764569065304767,0.1564655200596331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346133203312616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493360398387523,0.15090012965249588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03850655013154429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350066411813087,0.0,0.07040460777009735,0.039788148030856896,0.0,0.17312388746720742,0.0,0.1218171506431014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822044237672459,0.07518787000886955,0.15631519462779406,0.0,0.08583287495993007,0.0902447305319086,0.10209096172802264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948664105062057,0.0,0.06769057980947248,0.0,0.07930431880193048,0.08370623169931872,0.062076963120941485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161731078905746,0.07632789926568853,0.06724677353518349,0.0,0.1279030160609705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746677089657258,0.0,0.10166888376974044,0.1544196127225047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056468398580458226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21440056242786465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671919183818112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531147870665248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519444906978126,0.0817625939005361,0.0,0.0,0.14488279456450012,0.060561974922102316,0.0,0.0,0.2427445536436027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242115992808095,0.0,0.0,0.05862828712058338,0.0,0.08524993833173969,0.05390331242466957,0.0,0.0,0.254677903998787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177573412415315,0.0,0.057259519469087986,0.061210971538037715,0.06656333476155094,0.07011382744889125,0.0,0.0,0.20237753715222653,0.09759484295681696,0.0,0.0,0.044406931891150817,0.0,0.0,0.07276992152125906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928064591869145,0.0,0.0,0.08387461363787528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117909605445736,0.06871856689294603,0.08502498686447339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521808702457604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,OCD-ALT,2020/04/19,"I was just diagnosed, and life makes even less sense than before. I feel completely disassociated right now, I feel powerless. I feel like I want to cry, yell, laugh, scream all at the same fucking time and I feel like I'm losing it.",3.244333333333333,5.34994626666667,4.268611111111113,84.49625000000003,75.22222222222223,8.055555555555555,22.36111111111111,8.841846274778883,1.4057777777777782,182,5,38,4,4,59,34,45,0.225,0.583,0.192,-0.4019,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,11,9,2,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,6,3,3,8,3,4,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,4,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123924181716133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617023323215479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741754314413737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533401797941603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648593790232204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5048238957221782,0.3566305981719561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307524839921767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17630085936134188,0.2438852847549088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792401352118445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661088114564934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21315824262339456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14554459097074365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722138014386954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,theoroaway,2020/04/19,"Would appreciate some insight on BPD ex- best friend Okay... I'm going to try to explain this situation as succinctly as I can. After doing a lot of research and soul searching lately, I believe I exhibit some traits of NPD (not proud of this, going to therapy for it) and my best friend of 11 years shows many definitive signs of BPD. Explosive combination, I know. We were absolutely inseparable for those last 11 years. Talked every day, planned to move in together and travel the world. But she made a new friend who started fulfilling her needs in a way that I wasnt doing. And over the short course of a year, I slowly became a monster in her eyes. There was literally nothing I could say or do to stop this decline. I wont say I didnt deserve some of it, but she was also accusing me of some outlandish things. She decided to end the friendship in december. I was left devastated and I miss her every day. Meanwhile, she seems to be moving on just fine. I know all of this is in line with typical BPD devaluing, and I have felt hopeless. Especially since we tried to start over, but she told me she doesnt trust me now. Its like Ive become a completely different person. Anyway, back to my question... Lately, I have caught her viewing my instagram stories. She doesnt use instagram, so I know she goes there specifically to check up with me. ..... Does this mean theres any hope? In the meantime, im working hard on myself and my maladaptive traits, but I miss my best friend terribly.",3.1344781144781138,5.459927153846158,4.549502719502719,81.31149054649056,76.4125874125874,8.013260813260814,27.02615902615903,8.841846274778883,2.316011551411552,1170,47,222,27,27,388,165,286,0.09,0.7809999999999999,0.129,0.8921,1,1,0,0,0,1,47.0,2,0,0,6,9,17,0,0,10,1,20,1,1,2,1,42,40,16,0,4,7,1,2,1,4,2,0,2,0,1,12,11,0,1,10,2,1,6,6,4,0,0,10,6,41,13,38,26,9,38,1,3,2,0,27,15,0,9,17,151,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250908913240089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016260512230701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793352822605202,0.0,0.0,0.11394879042814947,0.0,0.11624300481755168,0.3248277019776906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898362748880404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081771279699007,0.0,0.0,0.08237692085594177,0.0,0.0,0.1330788063618479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779601841259416,0.0,0.0,0.09028922413317744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138251343225508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385894107449007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906427474186072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188513011904389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172735724935251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242462275603168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247615303887134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144681150231106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010700790569894,0.08410147601520983,0.2327720105875017,0.0,0.1121000465941246,0.0,0.0,0.050406141635932135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771577931506347,0.0,0.09762677303360476,0.0,0.10460335608201347,0.0,0.11238792927116467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21931760333361489,0.0,0.07650302833885941,0.0,0.09964715322280228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899928982422973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900885165119038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115579723243988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16409795921948694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939267348458966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534750780408687,0.11597313377526085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605573175967426,0.0,0.0,0.08625900236545371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292823610981913,0.0,0.0,0.11798971713121267,0.0,0.06854495102178848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858822825345796,0.0,0.14009823881479475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911015851681463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189559092082767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511270064320112,0.0,0.0,0.07329262985887068,0.0,0.0,0.19932414245014815 bpd,33night8,2020/04/19,"BPD relationship. I fear that it is all falling apart. I have no one to speak to about this and I feel like it's killing me to hold it all inside. I believe that my partner struggles with borderline personality disorder. I wish that we could see a proper psychologist, I also struggle with mental illness, but we are extreme low income and cannot afford one, my partner does not even have insurance and I have government provided medical insurance which mental health services are very poor. I have considered trying to go to NAMI groups and such with him but we have only discussed it a few times. We have talked about sliding scale clinics. He is not entirely receptive but he is not entirely opposed to the concept either. I think that he knows that he has a problem but he is older than me, he grew up in a time where having a mental illness was extremely shameful and never spoken of, so he has a tendency to brush it off as ""nothing is wrong with me"" or at best ""I just feel depressed sometimes."" But it goes way beyond just him feeling depressed every now and then. I have lived with him for 2 years, we are extremely close, we have been homeless together before, we rarely spend much time apart. I have gotten to know his behaviors pretty well. Since the beginning of the relationship he has been constantly paranoid that I am going to leave him, am not committed to him or am seeing somebody else behind his back, will dissapear on him one day, etc. He projects these fears by shaming me, accusing me of things I have not done, telling me to leave. If I give in to these tactics and try to leave he loses his shit and begs me to come back. He is extremely jealous, he creates scenarios in his mind that are either maliciously twisted half truths or straight up lies, and that jealousy drives him insane. I have witnessed him become straight up delusional like talking nonsense to himself and seemingly hallucinating, sometimes when he has become severely emotionally disturbed by something he does this thing where he stares blankly into space and then starts violently twitching and then goes back to staring again, I've seen him do it for hours in between talking to himself / yelling at me. He is not under the influence of any drugs, he won't even drink alcohol. When he loves me he loves me intensely, proclaims that he would die for me wants to spend the rest of his life with me has never loved anybody more than me etc. etc., he has impulsively spent money on me without telling me how much money he was spending, he constantly wants to give me things and do things for me and when he is unable to it distresses him, he tells me he feels as though he has failed me and it sends him into a mental downward spiral. When something upsets him be it jealousy related or these feelings of inferiority that he struggles with he becomes a totally different person, he is cold to me tells me hates me and that I disgust him calls me a whore and other names tells me he wishes I would dissapear. This is a constant cycle with him. I know I am opening myself up to judgement by saying this but I put up with the cycle because I am in love with him. I cannot simply leave him especially now because I am 8 months pregnant with his child. I can not reasonably raise a baby by myself and I am unwilling to raise it without him. Either we come to a solution or our child will be lost to the foster system. He desperately wants to have the baby. He wanted it before I was pregnant and before we had even met he was desperate to become a father. We are in a crisis right now because he has become severely emotionally disturbed by something that happened. For the sake of not making the post any longer I won't go into details, but this event has made him so upset that we had to separate for the safety of our unborn child. I keep trying to get through to him that we need to resolve this or else the future of the baby is uncertain. It eats me up inside because I know how badly he wants to raise the child with me. It's been a week and he still goes into denial any time I try to talk to him. I don't know how to get through to him. He doesnt listen to me when I attempt to reassure him that I love him and am dedicated to him. He panics and goes into denial and tells me no youre lying, everything is a lie, etc etc. I don't think anyone can really tell me what to do or where to go from here, its a terrible situation all around. I just wanted to vent this and if any other people who struggle with borderline personality or have a loved one who does has any insight, that is not just shaming us and the situation, I would be willing to listen.",6.321507132995857,6.4820397860310415,6.876626783248966,76.07304417855501,65.77383592017739,9.645684642095134,33.31598544115801,9.406748399995196,2.984800836715056,3685,147,682,64,53,1210,353,902,0.193,0.733,0.075,-0.9989,3,0,6,0,1,0,73.0,15,1,0,6,37,47,6,16,33,0,82,19,1,7,8,145,136,59,2,16,35,1,5,2,2,8,9,5,0,9,51,60,3,3,16,1,7,12,22,34,1,5,16,17,118,13,114,108,18,88,0,7,5,7,131,38,1,12,37,512,169,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05141456781893152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038473257038195936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16358100481562138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033639374793623354,0.0,0.0,0.04282777421709046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098001706365476,0.04016953496401999,0.1173087457308668,0.26566655561418323,0.1228132656269797,0.05420308296048911,0.05048809289871161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060592400038549786,0.0,0.0491253154339086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288437978258148,0.0,0.1559682697258504,0.0,0.038411628142204286,0.0,0.0,0.031026734007933026,0.0,0.08287351477371635,0.0,0.049930204703016984,0.05026432805998858,0.055137808744764684,0.0,0.12630319511638774,0.04923285903082738,0.0,0.04712912592570751,0.055791901801497575,0.04922816630595244,0.08037885205686318,0.10823372604983864,0.0,0.0,0.2682747963536018,0.09532787884508268,0.0,0.04053444171231745,0.0,0.043237837035633456,0.0,0.0,0.10827342735819748,0.12162838276332925,0.034369532240561974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05027059636980248,0.09230228972403112,0.1093672550690927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04254319058325059,0.0,0.0,0.047498303542423716,0.0,0.0511382913802062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04737829867758876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04276205332553909,0.05322618213779184,0.0,0.132198983731607,0.0,0.0,0.2037646242751356,0.0,0.0,0.03398125736220075,0.04700787425615583,0.0,0.042481688352735324,0.0,0.0,0.05382237463199852,0.05251734877988918,0.0,0.2605249388074955,0.045522499063154996,0.03211355436418707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04846539500327928,0.19393278281540116,0.0,0.0485770159637817,0.0,0.03840065097583906,0.0,0.07073223331297106,0.03567268411796707,0.0742102314233545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046162491478902286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304013327146467,0.03658954466468199,0.0,0.05644628986056512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033353162743054415,0.12602243056121026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04607573077249863,0.048944793643476286,0.0,0.046034422521539414,0.0,0.04836347027826059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030820263546045626,0.04946471654156123,0.0,0.1033034850713408,0.0,0.0410853646868172,0.0,0.0382587120454314,0.0,0.0,0.0766742992644549,0.04379720404725189,0.0,0.10870038542482327,0.0493838480880848,0.039796786509749715,0.10815448897031983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111144034924794,0.09516331664421812,0.0,0.034052246661423265,0.0,0.038420415967924684,0.0,0.0,0.20117854128774496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467480623655913,0.2943495852787161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784761276906284,0.061653421946801075,0.047267471274101656,0.0,0.11221245821193224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065313432004716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05786996628435271,0.0,0.0,0.03969548661188722,0.17025785215148642,0.03818718825917386,0.038590646576675415,0.0,0.04325633882436653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064740995047408,0.09275194102443036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252711127524844,0.05260033255242173,0.0,0.030981027048211162 bpd,whatisasexlife,2020/04/19,"The cat and tin foil: an analogy for hypersensitivity I was trying to explain to my SO why I sometimes get mad or sad out of, to her, seemingly nowhere. I've been trying to explain how things like raising her voice or speaking in a certain tone upset me but she never seemed to understand until I brought up this one. Say you're eating food with your cat on your lap, when you're done eating you decide to wrap up your leftovers but as soon as you start wrinkling the tin foil your cat shoots from your lap and scratches you. The first thing to naturally feel is that the cat just wronged you. All you did was grab some tinfoil and now your legs are bleeding. But did you take into account that cats have extremely sensitive ears? To them that aluminum foil sounds like thunder and it can cause them immense distress suddenly being bombarded with a noise like that. The cat didn't choose to have sensitive ears and you didn't choose to almost deafen him, so it's not useful to be mad at it nor yourself. The only thing you can do is try to be aware of the fact that his ears are sensitive. I hope the analogy makes sense to you guys. I just thought I would post it since it's been a long time and it's part of me learning to understand my progress.",5.1789919354838725,5.8334523024193565,5.252580645161292,85.01137096774197,68.31451612903226,8.296774193548387,30.01612903225807,8.278499904357787,1.937003225806452,993,36,203,13,16,311,141,248,0.086,0.846,0.067,-0.7054,0,0,0,1,0,0,16.0,0,15,2,2,8,11,2,2,12,0,22,8,4,4,4,42,37,19,0,2,8,0,3,3,0,1,1,8,0,1,15,10,3,0,12,0,1,1,5,6,0,2,11,11,32,5,31,22,3,19,0,1,0,0,27,7,0,7,13,139,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371594645112222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769485670131286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709183637038296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141537257182814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761818581808297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057370629884554,0.1856223122261733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020152043396231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199691471006058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246794077461415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22498855752446845,0.0,0.0,0.13584962445142018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246768777518002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839472418681045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402089795588744,0.11674964396709026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623405187816204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470180952649325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207561069364745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794955786485245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698328712825924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182319756583534,0.0,0.10865365257846823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541880554926699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059514010686357,0.0,0.0,0.12186809291453092,0.08951166695960949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31266527886940776,0.0,0.0,0.3196141895689396,0.0,0.13258150280099362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385169659714499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904757855517062,0.16783674556009015,0.0,0.0 bpd,tinkeratu,2020/04/19,"Am I over reacting? Few weeks ago, my SO and I were on the sofa watching videos on his phone. We gave up after a while and I went back to watching TV. He moved his arm to rest of on top of my head, which was uncomfortable so I asked him to move it back. Then we titled this phone away from me, so I looked enough to see it (I know I shouldn't have, I know). He was on a girl's Instagram scrolling through her photos, which tbh i was like oh well that's fine. But then he specifically opened a photo of her with her butt out and zoomed in? All while he thought i couldn't see? I am panicking a bit over it. If he showed me her and hone ""isn't she pretty?"" (I'm pansexual) I'd probably agree but the fact he was hiding it really upset me. This might not make any sense, I apologise. Am I justified in being upset/worried?",-0.2878325123152692,1.8498485747126447,1.8828078817733989,96.32155172413796,89.11494252873564,5.613136288998359,16.9064039408867,7.07126945348624,-0.09721477832512272,628,15,151,10,21,210,106,174,0.051,0.843,0.106,0.7205,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,6,0,14,3,3,2,2,23,25,14,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,9,9,0,0,3,3,0,3,4,1,1,0,8,5,28,3,22,13,5,25,0,0,5,1,21,13,1,2,10,101,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369512184974706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325062492949513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183183919342164,0.0,0.18409858155036266,0.30134217284959924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139232868700652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20246554830878352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20109807064295032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153746055923306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572976746750182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645460623359135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079609067563938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20786871692134395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4165211318949725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993484618641852,0.2112639211570502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552861448159205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31228865186809485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555996702384092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571767999154697,0.0,0.17617981338987318,0.1816447579799471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989936087846366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,comingtogetyoubabs,2020/04/19,Going off on FP for no good reason Had a really bad day yesterday. Was dissociating and can barely remember what I said or why?! We're usually golden and they're super supportive. So now I feel extra insecure.,3.234250000000003,5.788845925000004,6.599999999999998,65.555,77.25,11.0,25.0,10.686352973137794,3.9215,167,6,27,7,4,62,37,40,0.187,0.616,0.19699999999999998,0.1278,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,7,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,2,2,3,3,4,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728300527313509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21073247382744464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652191299335229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18570462661759887,0.27406988239942026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093301337940172,0.3359625953963224,0.0,0.0,0.37015416293906495,0.0,0.3108225636743643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708021545790184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598787905283684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948491047249213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RoseColouredBard,2020/04/19,"Is This Normal? I don't know if this belongs here or somewhere else, but it has been suggested by a professional that I may have BPD, so I wonder if this is caused by BPD. I was really close to someone for a good while, but when something happened between us, my love turned into a burning hatred. Hatred so strong that I can't help but wanted to emotionally abuse him. Sometimes it turns to a burning urge to physically attack him. If he wasn't 5 hours away, I do fully believe I could hurt him. I've felt this way a lot, and to combat this, I will cut myself. Is this BPD, or is this something far far more detrimental? I wont ask for reassurance that I'm not bad, because I understand that I am because of these urges.",4.8759056316590526,5.089267534246577,6.0120091324200935,80.85300608828008,68.86301369863014,8.680669710806697,29.92085235920852,8.515128840125781,2.098656925418569,564,20,115,8,9,189,92,146,0.22899999999999998,0.6609999999999999,0.11,-0.9678,0,0,2,0,1,1,18.0,1,0,0,1,4,8,2,0,5,0,17,1,0,1,0,22,28,13,0,6,9,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,14,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,1,17,4,13,20,2,9,0,1,0,1,10,5,0,8,3,83,31,1,0.0,0.17190320407531956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563583959514924,0.16505628826326427,0.13631308777828946,0.0,0.1211407629412738,0.1768861771769306,0.0,0.0,0.1634622563961515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5481922737483103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490433040030988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583937785515895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120074916517938,0.16320223972468575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393053276880519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169126648882488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282990846129335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724809810493197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428805002050307,0.0,0.15531758064810142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797354799534141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334694230325162,0.13094579379056484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215349080043585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294581685755852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293091036055452,0.22338860643964828,0.14349377946033506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156238453718508,0.0,0.15103965917498094,0.174520613030535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557549116450107,0.11516252613932235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15733959517379315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,reinalechuga,2020/04/19,"Overall my life if good, so why am I so paralysed with anxiety? Hello! Long time lurker first time poster. This is a rant/seeking support combo so apologies for the length. I'm 22f living with my fiance 23m in a flat, last year I moved 100+ miles away from all my family and friends to move in with my partner and to start a college course since I was too ill at 16 to do so. Life has been turbulent since I moved. I was receiving ESA (disability benefits in the UK) that was suddenly stopped in October leaving me with no income, luckily my fiance is incredible and took on more hours at work to cover my half of the rent too, as well as all our other expenses. Although we just about scrape by my partner is also doing a master's as well as running a business, he works so much and it's not sustainable plus I'm alone in the flat all the time which is not good for my MH. Here's where my problem lies: There is a conditional light at the end of the tunnel, my college have told me if I high marks for my final major project I can skip a year and jump to university level. This would a) allow me to be around people a bit closer to my age since nearly all the people on my course atm are 16/17 which has made it very hard to make friends in a new city. And b) give me a student loan which would free up the pressure on my partner and allow me to not be financially dependant on him anymore. With everything currently happening in the world we've been told our grades will be assessed by our work from the previous 2 terms. My grades from the first term are really good, but I've done basically 0 of the work from the second term as I've been having a really terrible few months. My lectures are aware of the situation and have been supportive but I feel like I'm taking the piss now, I haven't done any work for nearly a month and every time I try to I feel instantly overwhelmed and full of guilt. I'm so embarrassed at how useless I am and the longer it goes the more I doubt my own abilities and that I can even do it, I feel too guilty to contact my head of course and explain but yesterday I did manage to email my favourite lecturer who has been an amazing help the entire time and he was supportive, but I still feel so much guilt. I can't sleep or eat properly but I also just can't make myself get on with it. If I don't do this we'll be struggling for another year at least and I'm worried my partner can't keep working that many hours much longer. The pressure is crushing me, I haven't been as unstable as I have been for the past few months since I was ~18. I know if I just get the work done I'll feel better but my brain just won't and it's SO frustrating. Does anyone else get paralysed by stress and anxiety? And has anyone been able to get past it? Yesterday I brokedown everything I have to do into small tasks but so far it hasn't helped since I can't even get out of bed so far today.",4.195644852659779,4.625124227197347,5.253598673300168,84.93556831228473,70.40961857379767,8.771680061232301,27.733511927541777,8.841846274778883,1.8690083684143384,2291,74,495,39,39,757,269,603,0.111,0.804,0.085,-0.9635,3,1,0,0,0,0,42.0,5,0,0,11,31,29,2,9,36,0,61,9,4,7,4,72,92,52,0,7,19,0,6,1,6,5,4,0,2,4,19,29,1,2,7,0,5,7,13,14,2,4,21,7,62,16,73,62,19,76,0,2,0,0,26,34,1,7,36,332,81,16,0.07039426128808278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290722489603453,0.0,0.1125885306386674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047870511597973085,0.07381452074926494,0.1077028344156344,0.0,0.06981219169550679,0.09844260848145428,0.07212723949857064,0.0,0.06266581699646145,0.0,0.0,0.06613772571753461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062258003580343425,0.07685230137275857,0.0,0.0,0.07858327637747202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06160249243175685,0.21611330898960807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203090324430504,0.05880537251187589,0.0,0.06234842137752795,0.0,0.0,0.09298949135337742,0.0,0.05931020121480375,0.0,0.1265316459951163,0.0,0.06636144461358688,0.0,0.17796726809073385,0.05028967432964481,0.0,0.07711347239678648,0.0,0.11975464538143632,0.0,0.0,0.10877286330131518,0.0,0.18389048053517051,0.06752858982211955,0.0,0.17713009960601545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06224941277643356,0.0,0.0630594312720899,0.0,0.07224482082644622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436757898811644,0.07437540196399436,0.0,0.0,0.13864833504930016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256965385377918,0.0,0.0,0.03868684503495485,0.05738071834668473,0.0,0.07453735857514432,0.0,0.0,0.09944309710681004,0.03439108031387508,0.0,0.06215942240002952,0.062296706061735485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660875209281562,0.09397743206038496,0.07136873212991507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856408327916142,0.2244538780106572,0.15524364514276584,0.0,0.0,0.0679872162064371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343985753523363,0.09760503462612292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735780110004867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019273265844804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911543018586323,0.0791260990917346,0.0704450991817104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049825420456979436,0.0,0.0562169479966372,0.05885275448320278,0.08063638846811651,0.07359136613105878,0.0,0.0,0.2396477204999363,0.0,0.0,0.05292772381472803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20523729926367335,0.0,0.06672552871617543,0.13452946668111393,0.07821061443183959,0.04779308261393928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580826378461048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658578981781307,0.0,0.06351987168556815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587350242653087,0.07148878935680618,0.0,0.10001212701805827,0.0,0.0,0.13599478890903127 bpd,maybegorga,2020/04/19,":/ possible tw - kind of a rant hi, i don't know who this is a letter to. i don't know who will see it but here we go. my heart is racing, today it felt like everything clicked. I have been noticing signs of bpd that have been going on for the past 2-3 years. Right now i'm scared and i really want to get some sort of diagnosis but i'm not sure if i'm making it all up? is it real or am i just an average person dealing with what happens to everyone? Maybe i'm just a bad person. i've struggled with my mind for a long time, maybe it started when my dad left when i was 8 or when my stepmom was emotionally ab**ive or when i thought that my mum would never come back if she was gone for longer than five minutes. When i was about 13, i completely cut off my best friend. I mean completely, i blocked then on everything and stopped talking to them. I have no idea why I did it. I don't think i feel bad, i should. I think i know deep down that i was jealous but it wasn't just that. I would get so angry and lash out at this person and had incredibly uncalled for mood swings towards them. I feel like i should mention this wasn't ur average best friend, we were constantly with each other, our families were basically family. A couple years before i cut them off, their mum died. i was very close with their mum and it hurt me so much. It's a couple years since i cut them off and i still see them but we're not friends and we pretend like nothing happened and we're strangers. I'm glad they don't talk about it because i don't know what's wrong with me to make me do that and how would i say that. I don't like getting close to people i haven't for years and when i do become friends with people i am constantly convinced they hate me or are going to leave me. I ask them for reassurance way too much and i feel they get annoyed. I go through unbearable flips of happy and depressed. It feels like i can't be having a good time for more than 20 minutes before i go completely blank. It confuses people, I stop laughing and smiling and zone out. I get times when i feel i'm not apart of myself at all it scares the fuck out of me. in these phases I don't understand what humans are and the way we interact it's scary. I don't like telling people i love them. not even my family. i struggle with sleep, i have panic attacks when i think about anything too much i have extremely low self esteem which causes me to binge and feel worse, i cut my hair and pierce my ears to make me look different when i feel like i'm not real. I feel like everything going on in my head is too much to deal with, i hate it. I want to stop thinking for a while. If you read all of this, i don't know what to say. I am so sorry if i sound like a whiny shit who needs to shut up and realise i'm self obsessed.",1.735581787521081,3.2209711602023603,3.2431571669477246,92.93470539629006,77.70151770657674,6.565247892074199,22.48394603709949,7.327094020958105,0.5877221854974711,2170,63,504,27,50,714,249,593,0.213,0.657,0.13,-0.9947,1,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,5,1,12,2,27,49,11,7,13,0,49,8,6,5,5,108,108,45,1,12,20,4,10,9,4,6,0,4,0,6,35,37,0,4,22,2,0,8,20,24,0,1,17,18,93,24,59,84,12,66,0,3,4,2,51,25,2,11,40,325,128,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04954751160639045,0.0,0.056288008479589424,0.06849730706208154,0.0,0.046297597631736985,0.10054528820723592,0.03670331776091024,0.06649696200161974,0.10246816149931297,0.0,0.12637288074361724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758320992575717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061852020709226165,0.0,0.05186538667040906,0.18938639912798408,0.1301307458070389,0.0,0.0,0.13324193355526154,0.0,0.0,0.12414726089511663,0.051858587827400944,0.0,0.062488236752152884,0.06290639605190045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772788874187519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039767986117042936,0.0,0.0,0.057533016746772615,0.16233798039108047,0.0,0.17028124165586278,0.0,0.2435509559186613,0.1720554906981358,0.05781082263774681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18607167991657594,0.05566296339489147,0.15728560228786342,0.0,0.20531160351754807,0.0505010995652798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648660389719934,0.06409442118572624,0.0,0.11888936785813944,0.06179259591250616,0.0,0.0,0.07134886893458403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445580550571757,0.06796950308233951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06269921151955528,0.16544857852977146,0.0,0.0,0.0637534542425418,0.06541809273043253,0.0,0.0,0.2647390766656467,0.0,0.0,0.05328375294335065,0.05056104370573479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434166937920057,0.0,0.12057146971447527,0.0,0.12097761610518926,0.06558609208667081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06079470517521201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770444390348106,0.04464478253207719,0.04643748747072962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05777289946557314,0.0685492237362862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064319374549874,0.0,0.0,0.05747703962000364,0.16696749731491772,0.15771854980027394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787747049950597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06022606495747845,0.1370638027588348,0.038571921278597834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05141881574227245,0.0,0.0957624536229031,0.12056096957826552,0.0,0.0959587847424382,0.0,0.12562384553801534,0.0,0.061804465041060276,0.04980614504161767,0.0,0.060253254115046236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739990956659822,0.04261678605121262,0.0,0.048083601166866566,0.1510141945616356,0.0,0.12588865189132467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05674699693293491,0.0,0.0,0.096788666992181,0.0526259940027359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431996123818395,0.0,0.04779983294585606,0.10532640558448277,0.0,0.0570718230848961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268049537476135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049679367031428216,0.0710265662333797,0.09558342790828186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054329953601929784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613589008583586,0.12831388216790005,0.06582993307013413,0.0,0.1550924747477748 bpd,Mango_TheCat,2020/04/19,"Hallucinations; Stress Response? Self-isolation has been hard enough already. My partner usually withholds communication and that's a huge stressor for me. That combined with general isolation shit is pretty much making me lose my sanity. I've never dissociated this bad before nor have I experienced auditory hallucinations over a long duration. I woke up very disoriented, confused, hearing voices, and I swear I saw somthing that wasn't there when I blinked again. My head hurts so much and my mind's so foggy and confused. I have absolutely no idea how to calm myself down and maintain that link with reality because there is not a single human rn I can connect with irl rn. Any ideas on how I can ground myself? I tried meditating. It didn't work.",5.559228855721389,8.272195246268659,6.55305970149254,67.96949004975126,70.41791044776119,9.242786069651741,32.808457711442784,9.725611199111238,3.766768159203981,609,29,96,16,12,202,96,134,0.24600000000000002,0.6990000000000001,0.055,-0.9762,0,2,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,8,8,1,3,3,0,10,2,2,3,1,21,14,11,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,6,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,5,5,17,1,9,9,4,11,0,2,1,0,3,6,1,2,5,66,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102796749117022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958239009243966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910356937245226,0.1161591749886074,0.0,0.16214633755856395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968919070744344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069781686756258,0.0,0.1955620744794244,0.0,0.2147667746013521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039906375642214,0.4302216739021231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16863316887358398,0.0,0.21317976231794813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271954263138706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924039358738645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801563622745147,0.0,0.14696601185434552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19386063039689894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987880544157954,0.0,0.19559963806399355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182775073279853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937279482222833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098669099730191,0.1572259577708489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387246562278714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,washie,2020/04/19,"You are worthwhile Kinda tired of the attitude on this sub, that we're all stuck and the enabling of BPD as just who we are. It's NOT. YOU experience this disorder, but it is not YOU. You are a beautiful, complex person. You are not condemned. It is helpful to commiserate, but not healthy to justify a major disorder by asking others to enable maladaptive behavior. We are good people, but we need help to be better, not validation for harmful beliefs.",4.699642857142859,6.862952535714285,6.228095238095237,71.78357142857145,71.26190476190476,9.561904761904762,33.42857142857143,9.957137785484203,3.917471428571428,359,18,59,10,7,122,56,84,0.11800000000000001,0.644,0.23800000000000002,0.94,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,3,5,0,3,1,3,0,0,4,0,8,1,0,0,1,18,11,5,0,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,8,2,10,9,2,1,1,0,0,0,13,1,0,1,0,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24083746562074615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278416291461153,0.0,0.0,0.3244600598103743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.590503651010933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519992212383333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21607722779485464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34535098619859345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910200159615464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785994476467612,0.2249415511479145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29609327033376176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fibbingfortune,2020/04/19,Drunkken fucking mess (possibly triggering) I’m splitting like 20 times per hour and nothing is real except for this pain. Fuck this horrible feeling I’d do anything to feel better. I’m out of weed so I thought I’d get drunk but it just lit my feelings on fucking fire! I want to break up with him because I can’t stand talking to him but I will literally die without him. The second I feel him pull away I fucking throw myself back into it because I can’t feel someone leave like that. I hate myself for ever letting myself get attached. Also for getting this drunk. sorry you had to read this,1.704116222760291,4.307903237288136,3.1971428571428566,87.1528813559322,84.42372881355931,4.727360774818402,27.072639225181604,6.1826913282559595,1.2251046004842614,474,22,86,4,14,155,80,118,0.23800000000000002,0.684,0.078,-0.9663,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,5,10,5,0,1,0,7,7,0,1,1,19,24,5,1,1,5,0,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,4,2,0,6,3,0,2,3,7,0,1,2,7,17,3,16,20,0,13,0,0,1,4,6,5,4,0,6,57,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917501965386353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263465188451693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001363580353968,0.11459081565511382,0.0,0.18168817971619386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131800259905862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466413776447194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348013966211838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3767568961446861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5510838318598995,0.23357780591989524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713106437995907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675933650386416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577956675116093,0.0,0.15238787921334926,0.0,0.14561190732570245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299324395144727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15857281563852516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800298734749916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14906505434840206,0.16962276401313628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626816685581396,0.0,0.0,0.16682098008089746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978042991589563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830898633256635,0.08689751623796002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789864457551971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436545180402382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,inevitavel,2020/04/19,"there are so many ppl thinking that they have bpd that now i think that i dont have it but i do dont get me wrong but im sick off people doing online tests or relating to the ""afraid of leaving you"". everyone is afraid of losing a loved one but its not the same level or the same way as a person with bpd really feels. i know a lot of us dont get the chance to be properly diagnosed or dont have the money, so, part of the journey is based on self diagnosing. yet, it seems so wrong to me to jump right to the ""i have bpd"" just by relating to a couple of generic phrases that some of those tests or articles says. its more than that.",5.201699687174141,3.717561182481752,6.426798748696559,83.84445255474455,68.56204379562044,10.164337851929094,28.33055265901982,9.23628265651192,1.89456913451512,490,12,116,8,7,167,80,137,0.071,0.843,0.086,0.4682,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,1,1,1,7,6,0,2,11,0,14,4,0,0,0,19,22,11,0,0,9,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,10,1,0,0,5,0,1,2,5,5,0,1,0,2,10,1,18,21,6,9,0,1,0,1,7,4,0,7,2,85,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4674647256090864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689432425678966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511473040520338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5799977819313544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182201914945565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255677668988563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927765706185354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133639316079289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799352351843763,0.0,0.0,0.13100209227974355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841153661168415,0.0,0.10518270194552712,0.11166253611242014,0.0,0.0,0.12543311717902966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383617854402134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397719042248393,0.0,0.08577218187956268,0.10802792445074927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925848804242637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565658794201437,0.0,0.09838746727915376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263045068010802,0.12906741133663796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855013695274414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882046754439515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820353416160034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705377793025832,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdunknown,2020/04/19,"Help TW: SUICIDAL TENDENCIES/SELF HARM Hi I'm 14 years old and i am almost certain that I have BPD. I have been intensely studying it and all its symptoms and browsing this Reddit and I need some advice. I can relate to almost all of the symptoms, the abandonment issues, the feeling emotions tenfold, the BPD emptiness, mood swings, feeling like no one will love me as much as I love them. Last year I told my parents about my suicidal thoughts and tendencies. I have self harmed and have almost commited suicide. My parents brought me to go visit a doctor and he recommended me to a mood disorder program. But my parents aren't very fit mentally. My dad has bipolar disorder and extreme social anxiety, and my mom has anxiety and depression. My dad made me cancel the appointment because he thought I was lying. My dad has said to me before that he wouldn't be surprised if I had BPD and I highly believe that I do. Reading the posts on this subreddit has made me feel so understood. It's the first time I've actually felt connected to people, like they go through the exact same things I feel. I am considering trying to bring it up to my parents, and getting some help after this virus is over. I am just wondering if anyone here has any advice for me, or if anyone here has dealt with something similar? Seeing all these posts about people suffering through things that I do has seriously made me feel like I want proper help but I have no idea how to approach this with my parents. They usually claim that I am lying for attention and I just don't understand how to get it through to them. Please help.",4.363127035830619,6.324300661237789,5.188776547231272,79.7336664495114,71.70358306188925,8.429915309446255,31.49824104234528,9.065960079200117,2.9334277263843647,1281,59,229,27,25,416,159,307,0.14300000000000002,0.7659999999999999,0.092,-0.9347,5,0,1,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,4,1,9,15,0,0,10,0,28,6,0,5,6,57,56,24,3,6,8,9,6,3,0,2,4,1,0,1,17,15,0,1,13,1,0,6,5,6,0,2,13,8,42,7,26,40,7,21,0,3,1,2,28,5,0,10,11,160,59,3,0.0,0.0,0.07734208731714795,0.0,0.0,0.15489541919888886,0.0,0.0,0.23808927255198525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05389656375167368,0.0,0.12126071954417925,0.0,0.0,0.11083479467402237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048313512165111434,0.0,0.06744072565023185,0.0892939837241506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994591720987597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826278022563427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18166769592162396,0.08112152208421483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915194528089307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20037020474979786,0.11324051271151962,0.07609785853633448,0.0,0.0,0.06741482035501106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281561802159122,0.0,0.09008563130268178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21249358184170625,0.0837379518141291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946998839223601,0.0,0.08272231341305981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460393760696452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616093023147347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306264745475475,0.22498085358305664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987105994008112,0.0,0.0,0.09282326621251312,0.0,0.0,0.058262026302315965,0.05876706454775747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083165478549585,0.0,0.05370568353795045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44002013258294703,0.0,0.0,0.1098917850594664,0.0,0.0,0.08699891006655466,0.0,0.0,0.15181001998269772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927710352874011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539027804994262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315649642633453,0.0,0.1653618680786656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079116021114689,0.0,0.0610148759333175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600784712696647,0.0,0.0,0.16475394569679186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530787208260664,0.0,0.0,0.1258402755611071,0.04621461026731232,0.0,0.0,0.07573217556509593,0.0,0.05380938782572468,0.0,0.0,0.08250793281224725,0.0,0.0,0.08728890773398015,0.0653942163774684,0.046747039247459314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594937791978201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207608770213293 bpd,sunmochi,2020/04/19,"It's so tiring... I'm about to graduate from a DBT program I had to be apart of after being hospitalized. It's been amazing. Learned great skills and utilizing them in my everyday life... My stupid head, though, started to question this: ""If I'm not broken, then what am I?"" It's so tiring having to go against my first reaction and utilize my skills. I feel bad for complaining because life before these skills were incredibly miserable. Like, at least now, it's bearable. It's still so tiring though... So tiring to have to catch each and every ""BPD moment."" Every time I start splitting or being swept up by my emotions. Or making quick assumptions. Or demonizing people who I think are against me. It's so tiring having to catch myself... I'm function better now but it's exhausting. It's like trying to fight off nature... But now, the question is... If I'm not broken... Then who am I?",2.0530473372781093,4.73902701183432,3.555204142011835,84.62393047337281,83.61538461538461,5.983550295857987,23.242899408284025,7.365786028017652,1.2973074556213016,691,25,125,11,20,227,100,169,0.08900000000000001,0.8290000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.3161,0,0,0,0,1,0,44.0,0,0,1,5,13,11,2,1,2,0,13,9,1,1,0,19,23,19,0,2,9,0,1,2,0,0,8,0,0,0,13,4,0,0,5,0,0,3,2,6,0,1,3,1,14,5,20,17,2,22,1,1,0,0,7,5,0,7,16,91,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649337213340873,0.07774924407769652,0.0,0.10852999925646682,0.0,0.0,0.1128017308878499,0.0,0.0,0.16063638803738578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346910508093905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149215513376606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448975144572426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848831077159443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248582665765538,0.0,0.0,0.14061699677555947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089627627376554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801752840342978,0.1246224794697077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513617841219785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842250165464151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857554897004969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805516832067734,0.0,0.1018562863338436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172463052608975,0.2506213931879866,0.0,0.07437155471846657,0.7329616085318852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865935644139493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,postitbreakup1,2020/04/19,"I wish someone could help me feel better but no one can help. Therapist, parents, friends, when they TRY to help, all it amounts to is either, I need to change the way I’m thinking, or I need to tell them what they can do to help me. Well I don’t know how to change my thoughts, if I could do that I would have already. And I don’t know what to tell people about how to make me feel better. I feel like a crying infant and instead of my mom soothing me, she’s telling me to stop crying or asking me what she could do to help. And neither of those things help. And then eventually people give up and stop wanting to be around me altogether. I feel absolutely hopeless",4.975492700729927,4.746235627737228,5.386560218978103,86.94509580291971,68.63503649635037,8.017883211678834,29.53375912408759,7.1686216300943375,1.4177890510948898,519,17,115,4,8,166,76,137,0.128,0.629,0.243,0.9525,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,3,2,7,6,0,0,2,0,14,0,0,3,1,33,30,13,0,9,5,2,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,2,8,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,1,4,23,5,16,24,4,7,0,1,0,0,20,2,0,3,5,82,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216402531682342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661653986796077,0.11196442108522084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118454123465156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25339168820858143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286868623790099,0.0,0.2631131934825423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422278076694886,0.08556037924816491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925304007236654,0.0,0.0,0.11488982245940756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4816570769992951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163979195444914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058511293096099724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994429109988611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026771285340672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760895671027882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115609054146439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329852312362231,0.0,0.0,0.16606040684217585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014767796850863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002583655791804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31404054496015144,0.0,0.0,0.1390567848375063,0.07956676685276508,0.07674079075027268,0.0,0.0950802980655051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131280085615941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706406975908118,0.09506414829876553,0.0,0.0,0.10768341939585868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137724224640698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507785774262283,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,blueflamingo2020,2020/04/19,Naps? Does anyone else need to take a nap in order to get themselves out of a bad mood? It's like a reset button for my brain.,-0.4465476190476174,1.3986141071428548,1.957142857142859,97.65452380952385,86.5,3.733333333333334,12.904761904761903,3.1291,-1.5373238095238089,97,1,23,0,3,33,25,28,0.136,0.7759999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.3313,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727405299467255,0.399664775809767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256856086361365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4354383691118764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413460226430665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32584688093926656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20379137809120149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19056466737192904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28922614735398616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29327819863331583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RWBYRose1218,2020/04/19,"Me explaining BPD Depression Third is kinda a story or whatnot I don't know what to call it. I don't know how to explain the feeling, but I guess it's like being almost drowned. The happiness comes when im let up for air and only lasts a blissful moment before I'm plunged into a deep, dark, suffocating nothingness, which almost kills me. My friend told me to find my lifeboat, but my ""Lifeboat"" is finding a person I can attach to, and I've ruined every relationship and so I feel like giving up and letting myself getting nearly drowned over and over and over again. I'm lost in the waves and I'm being held down in the deepest water. The memory of tasting the sweet air burning my lungs, begging for either death or more air. My vision blurrs. My ears pop from the pressure. My body feels cold, starting from my toes and fingertips, radiating through my body and trying to grasp at my heart, scraping and poking it but every heartbeat holds it just far enough away. My mind is numb as I feel myself fading. I don't try to breath in, unlike drowning, but instead some force keeps my mouth shut. I don't have any strength to fight back against the force that pulls me under then pushes me back up to surface for air. I can't die. Not that I want to live or die, because I don't have a choice anymore. If I wanted to fight back pr die I should've done it before my energy was sapped away leaving nothing but the unbearable pain of nearly suffocating, then being given breaths.",5.627969348659001,6.0849016206896565,5.8705747126436805,81.66911877394637,67.27586206896552,8.099616858237548,30.249042145593872,7.793537801064563,1.9386398467432948,1170,41,223,12,18,373,166,290,0.154,0.7020000000000001,0.14400000000000002,-0.503,0,0,0,0,2,0,31.0,0,0,0,2,10,15,3,1,14,0,19,14,9,1,0,47,42,25,8,3,12,0,4,2,1,0,3,1,0,1,9,12,2,3,11,0,0,3,8,9,0,1,6,8,33,6,37,31,4,39,0,3,0,0,10,25,0,9,13,149,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22639164917944785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687283737352647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210787350610604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21241446826543675,0.26076832126876665,0.0,0.06890971344155816,0.0,0.19238183566394412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511296669991329,0.14237318445027314,0.0,0.11542912297581795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737618152874207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736341684282253,0.0,0.35196108287342265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568181678479107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680321332164993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904865145736103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22863091955472714,0.08075764864969781,0.0,0.0,0.20663775804471773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873364243674479,0.0,0.05906008744355407,0.10844075256716436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452915705956588,0.0,0.0,0.12033593872581272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395601304189955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210539505311803,0.0,0.0,0.10047744769502463,0.12506487682063178,0.0,0.12425050193083073,0.09214479817733118,0.0,0.1196957804027712,0.0,0.2311874136217728,0.0,0.11045379862538787,0.0,0.09981867771791543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339934017998085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141407907502468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846741356718867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597398334084799,0.12028528550773808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870442904692024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136543630109405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001212679789152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801703876674676,0.0,0.15349699615562212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335089644382778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Tacotuesdays20,2020/04/19,"How to tell boyfriend with bpd that the fights are caused by his bpd? My boyfriend has bpd and he keeps starting every fight we have and it ends with him blaming me. One example literally almost word for word: **Him:** Do you want to watch (show name removed)? **Me: **Sorry I don't like that show I think it's kind of silly so I'll pass. **Him:** It's one of the best shows. **Me: **I just don't think it's funny at all but you can watch it **Him: **I think some of your shows are crap and I don't make fun of them. **Me: **I'm not making fun of your show. **Him: **Yes you are **Me: **What's your problem? **Him: **You always do this **Me: **What am I doing? You're being rude to me for no reason just watch your show **Him: **You're the one making fun of my show saying it's stupid **Me: **I never said it was stupid it's just not for me I'm sorry **Him: ** You said it's kind of silly and it's definitely not **Me: **Can we please not do this. Just watch the damn show and chill **Him: **Don't tell me to chill **Me: **You need to stop **Him: **You always start fights with me and I'm sick of it **Me: **You do realize I am literally always kind to you and you start flipping out over nothing all the time and I don't know what to do **Him: **Making fun of my show is extremely mean and not something a girlfriend does **Me: **Why do you always act like it's my fault? I'm tired of always saying sorry for everything all the time **Him: **If you're so tired of me leave!! **Me: **I didn't even say that calm down **Him: **Don't tell me to calm down when you're being nasty with me. I'm over you! This is how all the fights go. It starts over something so trivial and it gets out of hand within seconds. We fight about three times a month IF THAT and he'll say we fight more than any couple..and the fight ends with him saying he's going to leave me and then he'll come back but whenever I mention his bpd he flips out. He doesn't even like me mentioning it. He only just started therapy and he's only like this sometimes. Some days I could of said exactly what I said above and he'll be okay but sometimes his mood is different so it's hard to ever know how he will react. Again this isn't often..It's just so hard when he doesn't even acknowledge this as his bpd... He does this with family and friends too but he always bounces back. Although 90% of our relationship is great the 10% is really stressful and if we could stop those fights from happening it would be the perfect relationship but I have no idea how to make him accept this is his bpd. Any advice is more than appreciated. Thanks so much!",-2.63079411764706,-2.918405549999997,-0.2720479302832235,103.29931372549021,137.83333333333334,2.8191721132897607,10.751633986928104,5.142249468945048,-1.5013267973856208,1953,39,468,19,153,638,189,540,0.209,0.7090000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9969,1,0,2,0,8,0,152.0,6,16,1,2,27,39,13,1,12,2,43,5,2,12,8,95,80,39,0,9,19,0,3,4,2,5,3,9,0,0,34,31,0,3,11,9,0,6,18,16,0,5,6,16,82,22,51,63,10,38,0,0,4,0,83,10,2,6,26,297,116,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06123625345454371,0.0,0.0,0.06275070459026158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128575842474463,0.0,0.0,0.08522972868522735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637219955620337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576384685437536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4735519709173949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437499554682974,0.0,0.05398100171437323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006701721290803,0.0,0.0,0.04041422970328152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547237938669545,0.0,0.0,0.10967845425146276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100652281693887,0.0,0.0,0.1241704264389128,0.05668476579628873,0.052798603869715084,0.0,0.056319942581915174,0.0,0.059075699535820675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048415409184173794,0.0,0.03274027212291645,0.0,0.07122878881240888,0.0,0.0,0.06908921942813835,0.0,0.0,0.05541512284542623,0.0,0.11227242072325233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074201308338435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055700205030940066,0.0,0.19577023108118294,0.06887892349486087,0.0,0.0,0.13270797900856451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246129596273403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20914940037376112,0.0,0.0,0.068261381562003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500192101719858,0.0,0.04606654254691485,0.04646586552447023,0.04833169579354204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06012948490895381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739181827669085,0.09532026557734677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878818411361791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059962667213626926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04014528922532058,0.06443083619459376,0.0,0.13455914418047413,0.0,0.0,0.2384379447011008,0.2491716299176753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648632416566576,0.1239560740489862,0.21044755669038054,0.22177573026791836,0.0,0.0,0.10478275935521976,0.07178341406722259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643179037997834,0.05769421055927621,0.07166375565167528,0.0,0.0,0.12046106218822175,0.0,0.0,0.1096227223091074,0.14405014063865235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036961887684118885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056546099562790726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04451595651707283,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ilovecherrycoke,2020/04/19,"How do you handle your BPD meltdowns? What I mean by meltdowns .. those times you get so frustrated or angry you want to scream at someone? When you know you’re “acting out” but feel like you can’t control yourself? Tonight I ended up getting snippy with my boyfriend, hung up on him and then sobbing for 2 hours. It’s like this all the time and I feel like I can’t get out of the cycle. My night is ruined and I’m so disappointed.",2.1071590909090894,4.026599943181822,3.0477272727272755,92.80409090909092,77.97727272727272,5.3090909090909095,23.5,5.985473137389443,0.3497681818181824,337,11,72,2,8,107,65,88,0.203,0.688,0.109,-0.8883,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,6,0,1,4,8,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,1,16,13,10,0,1,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,3,13,3,11,13,1,15,0,3,0,0,7,6,1,1,11,45,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30490491565078043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271525442391654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21442061202247173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24481678734362503,0.3458994633682822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794473878596319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23841069429131376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304678460717811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548200416028296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26370787662922257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271858368638848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20512276795550544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282330210424974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279143923469095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sharkbait2,2020/04/19,"WE ARE OKAY It’s fucking okay to have BPD. My ex messaged me and said that “real men don’t deal with people that have emotional problems”. And I’m here to fucking say that BOYS don’t deal with people with emotional problems. Don’t settle with this shit. It’s OKAY. We are okay and it’s fine that we are accepting what’s going on with us. I love you all &amp; we are in this together. If they don’t accept that, just move on from them. Because bitches ain’t shit but hoes and tricks.",0.5923927392739259,2.922519980198018,2.0627970297029705,95.26436056105614,86.82178217821783,4.950825082508251,20.297854785478552,6.42735559955562,0.1523656765676562,382,12,83,4,12,123,58,101,0.126,0.71,0.163,-0.032,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,5,1,2,0,2,16,6,0,0,4,11,5,2,0,1,22,17,6,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,11,13,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,8,0,0,1,2,11,8,11,16,1,5,0,0,0,3,17,3,5,1,0,53,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36252015428903206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197923695298723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21069756334307385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449400138254271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763604401828309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093162623896982,0.0,0.0,0.0950755133396173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098694930365206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780419985508042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319574770194151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201504033186673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904141488008368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591323562429517,0.13303677358031973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434442753231142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012308619414571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,-Living-Dead-Girl-,2020/04/19,"set out looking for something that was going to set me off, got what i wanted, now I'm upset???? what???? who knew that would happen?? what the hell is wrong with me? boyfriend being horrible to me, I'm in a state, so what do i do? i go onto his profile, specifically click for it to show the old posts. now I'm face to face with a meme about how much he loves his 'princess' (his ex) and I'm sat here like WHAT WAS I EXPECTING? WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF? now I'm kind of just having a low key episode alone in my room at half 4 in the morning. wondering why i did this to myself. wondering why i wanted to make myself feel worse. cause myself more pain. &#x200B; any input welcome",-0.4121015567086737,1.8135907253521144,1.6176945885841398,96.7759710896961,92.45070422535211,4.397924388435879,17.33283914010378,6.05967700443912,-0.3826535211267608,521,14,118,5,19,172,88,142,0.155,0.7829999999999999,0.062,-0.9294,0,1,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,0,8,9,1,1,6,0,11,4,2,3,0,16,30,3,0,4,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,11,4,0,0,4,1,0,2,0,5,0,1,7,3,18,4,20,21,2,19,1,1,2,1,8,9,1,2,5,77,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915268608773635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742121989321425,0.2101867875036094,0.11763073892060145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769570338891688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746270115099501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19661437833194426,0.0,0.13834603470534304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529635714729954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012961201825295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450814613333205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452576669662167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561190896100284,0.0,0.11546392973573084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715848150412226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18151095382531365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840604236682367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566478067501533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331666518528666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20405340846458828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4682562934734675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751737821747875,0.0,0.0,0.1762790111329454,0.12287836508784428,0.189123914252294,0.2101867875036094,0.0 bpd,chapsticcmaniacc,2020/04/19,"Quarantined with my narcissist my dad who's been increasingly aggressive lately My dad has been extra irritated towards me lately and nearly yelled at me just now, and he has anger issues. I felt an episode coming on but was able to calm myself down. I seriously might do something I can't ever undo. I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I just mind my own business and he just pokes me with a sharp stick like he did my whole life, except now that stick is a knife since I'm older, less tolerant, and not scared of him. I've been standing on the edge for weeks, if not months, and I'm just waiting for the tiniest thing to tip me over so I can do something drastic that will get me out of this situation. I know I shouldn't, but wow I can't believe I'm in this situation again. I'm going to a CSU dorm in the spring, but I still have another semester and the rest of this one to get my associate's. I'm really stressed out and nothing is good enough for my dad. He has the most fragile ego and my emotionally unstable mom's a doormat who sticks her head in the sand and just leaves the room when things escalate. My self esteem is so low right now and I feel backed into a corner. I wish one of them would just die honestly. I deserve better than this and I always did. I hate them and the way they emotionally pull me back and forth. They're abusive and manipulative but they're also my parents who I get along with sometimes, which makes me feel extremely guilty and conflicted. I might just cut them off when I leave but Idk. Financial independence is the only independence and I'm working on that. I have about $600 saved from my grant, I just don't know what to do between now and January. What do I do? $600 is about one month's rent out here and I need to be close to my community college. Of course we're in a fucking quarantine so I can't actually have anyone come pick me up, and even if we weren't I still wouldn't have anyone I could live with. I need advice, I don't trust myself to not act impulsively in the worst way and I really, really want to sometimes. This is a serious cry for help.",3.0706031789159063,4.512692759815245,4.5559794864828165,85.08142473848662,74.05773672055426,8.050237739437575,24.975478875152827,8.671277953709913,1.5909693519902186,1667,53,355,32,34,557,214,433,0.149,0.768,0.083,-0.9836,2,2,2,0,0,0,38.0,1,0,4,2,29,19,5,2,19,0,40,3,1,5,1,81,66,33,1,11,19,5,6,1,0,6,1,1,3,1,17,33,0,2,6,0,1,6,11,11,0,3,9,7,56,8,49,49,10,54,0,1,0,1,21,25,1,6,21,249,73,3,0.0970089025639434,0.11493968652513505,0.0946666951999791,0.0,0.0,0.09479597684663914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757798433203437,0.0807191781543579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172229270032652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566176048408274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918771613895454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929581336152867,0.0,0.08579649097295991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712915960714833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745371501106438,0.0,0.10655972427935796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067992513086052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21824391668623355,0.0,0.10023612846278963,0.0,0.06407346523073466,0.08775010623357192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810123185543212,0.0,0.09314375948880134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968316723973534,0.1520494430845865,0.0,0.0551323948981259,0.08136646491442777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577620746676314,0.0995591210996732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502302252870723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125209057261904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066271116943353,0.0,0.3282908025075156,0.20543684167089926,0.0,0.0,0.06852025677499678,0.047393649683802566,0.0,0.08566063824944635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247349988868033,0.0,0.0,0.06475419574790592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20582223086118165,0.09795133746004134,0.11361565422941748,0.1548631610152471,0.0,0.0,0.14386174411164585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308265835467408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19720722896237852,0.07377964178844773,0.0,0.0,0.1077169060676453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18643916111213754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284507274196926,0.0,0.0,0.09712283480638886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120144222970433,0.0,0.0,0.08024676666323259,0.21808414199111684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936438523978807,0.19188857029391126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549428697981463,0.0,0.1111233701281284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288968086382664,0.06215938771517013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057218364146211925,0.1540023029250425,0.07781469014999681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830697532500894,0.11155545041320693,0.0,0.0,0.07062363643700409,0.0,0.0,0.06891234106003774,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yohananloukas116,2020/04/19,"Best way to help a family member seek treatment for BPD Hi all, Seeking your advice on how to help my mother seek treatment for BPD. As a kid, she would have irrational outbursts of emotion, deep fear of abandonment with my father, and would treat one of my siblings as the FP while the rest of us were ""bad"" kids. She also has many rocky relationships with friends that she eventually pushes away. Her family hasn't talked to her in many many years because of her behavior. I know she suffered abuse as a child which would likely explain the BPD. Being ignorant of her diagnosis and young, we would call her ""crazy"" which would make her unhinged. She would flee from any type of professional help - apparently from fear of being labeled with a mental health stigma (I imagine). Now that I'm much older she and I have a good relationship. I'm her FP and try to love her as best as I can. I do want her to seek treatment without implying she has a mental health issue though. Many of you are aware of your diagnosis and seek help which I'm encouraged by. Any idea how I can lovingly approach this subject with her and guide to her to seeking treatment?",6.607323498419388,6.928828292237448,6.605570776255707,77.70875658587988,65.16438356164383,9.660835967685284,31.914646996838776,9.466822959209583,2.7564714436248683,912,33,171,16,13,290,117,219,0.08800000000000001,0.7490000000000001,0.163,0.9545,1,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,2,3,0,2,6,15,0,2,9,0,18,4,0,3,1,29,27,16,0,7,1,2,0,1,1,6,2,0,0,3,6,11,0,2,4,0,0,3,2,6,0,1,1,0,32,9,35,18,5,13,0,2,0,2,42,4,0,0,6,118,38,2,0.0,0.11499917653825242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484504096084173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761813682805258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320070489654036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119023074765607,0.0,0.0810403043875681,0.059166333826546014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20371510001916826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36672766167910503,0.0,0.09910820524721443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091784372402626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18299738557403689,0.21843697015793015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498762919285283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140857823673976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063385948094292,0.0,0.0,0.2602267075156627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956792341201184,0.0,0.10130449621577356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05334114965947536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0474181794952768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519927610499686,0.0,0.06478771095984802,0.3936108222946745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19562551276938428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134961511043106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576976622460963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20841032593423497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801243772006833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536008477854886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589676594445458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167501612050754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05724797899323755,0.07704100540374073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356152043943614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4136880505670005,0.0,0.0,0.06250288594267689 bpd,chaxsthexries,2020/04/19,"Losing my marbles [nsfw ment] Love that even when i [M] get a boyfriend whos totally into me, im still freaking out over my roommate stealing my fwb and gets more emotional fulfillment out of them than me. It's not bad enough that i only ever got them off (which i was fine with), not bad enough that my boyfriend lives in florida and can't hold me right now, not fucking bad enough that my roomie stole said fwb from behind my back then confronted me about it like i had any option besides nod along, but now. NOW. I get to sit around and see you constantly being pda everywhere in the house. And outside the house. My jealousy and loneliness are going supernova and i can barely stand being in the same room as them without drinking. To top it off the fwb is still obvs into me even while theyre holding hands nd being disgusting all the time. All i wanted was to get laid a little bit and less than 2 months later this is what i get",6.4829411764705895,5.790518925133692,6.594978609625668,81.08658556149733,65.63101604278074,9.61903743315508,30.99946524064171,8.841846274778883,2.2761319786096252,737,23,149,10,10,236,120,187,0.105,0.7809999999999999,0.113,-0.0942,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,3,2,12,12,3,0,7,0,11,4,1,0,4,28,24,12,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,10,14,1,2,0,1,0,1,5,9,0,0,5,3,24,3,24,16,10,32,0,1,1,2,7,15,1,1,15,108,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452854620417056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374441758886327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688669386935544,0.3481915042146563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517580673092128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502156256649167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617252695848994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15636254321343235,0.0,0.4308897001012832,0.0,0.18362372025019771,0.12573848550982916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850839854749682,0.36312333429317306,0.0,0.07900006204628386,0.0,0.11117544320311526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32078750158229546,0.0,0.0,0.1501498562095766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791109424030327,0.13932008727551393,0.12274445449240902,0.0,0.0,0.1555116632567961,0.0,0.0,0.12545794331459392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095291027620537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571999075697863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870998709448308,0.13222611769508152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076943268660433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22202003650124272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105525877474345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198907967067584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339963975728233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,diabolicalkoala,2020/04/19,"When you’re having a BPD episode... Do you also get “angry hands” as I call it? I find that in most if not all, during my episodes I have to keep my hands away and occupied or else I’ll feel like hurting or even think the worst and contemplate suicide because it would be easier than continuing this everyday and exposing the people I love to it. In my immediate family, no one can take me seriously. At times when triggers of injustice, unnecessary aggression, and complete misunderstanding of the situation... these certain points in my body begin flaring up.. for example, the need to self harm begins on my wrist then once dark emotions kick in, I begin the desire to slit my neck and go. But I know that, I can’t. No matter how hard it gets, If I go.... I go.. and I’m gone. I’ve done so well keeping positive and moving forward but during these episodes, I can’t feel but going away, and leaving so that I can’t hurt anyone else. Haha sorry it’s dark. But if ykyk that these episodes come and go eventually. It’s just so difficult when it feels as if it’s life or death and just a little understanding would make the difference.",4.40149886877828,5.682957122171949,5.7081872171945705,78.7392944004525,70.53846153846155,9.144909502262443,28.744626696832576,9.516144504307137,2.5625042986425344,888,33,173,20,16,298,134,221,0.17600000000000002,0.742,0.08199999999999999,-0.9631,0,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,1,0,0,12,12,1,0,8,1,11,7,5,3,2,45,36,32,2,8,14,0,6,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,16,11,0,2,7,0,0,9,6,7,1,1,2,6,19,5,19,31,3,30,0,2,0,1,4,12,0,8,12,114,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344287576551887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044603798820143,0.13253657423961526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24306122501125385,0.0,0.0,0.07885187624483944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368108960732612,0.1629145175647503,0.0,0.13208301798640806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142543237552854,0.13562327892511858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351454761884255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323721699790351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21611426345418144,0.14550376988225036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543588185227305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194170457405447,0.0,0.19621301635976093,0.09240920908125327,0.0,0.0,0.11822553099623463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13516232976525405,0.0,0.3675690677714215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158741281713254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27694832560402505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299482866886309,0.0,0.0,0.07108856438590577,0.0,0.0,0.13696526065738607,0.0,0.0,0.09136525613582636,0.06319493163592936,0.12964484653617464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674537481159952,0.0,0.08634357135882376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748087533983858,0.0,0.0959129877611864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775582899817193,0.08765237140091514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967650091573044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227960168699695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494251372983712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14539724768990586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479915310868538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414902685361785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725672638342923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288364123461682,0.0,0.0,0.07542628482582378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346601606005151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630312657537235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837761265999012,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GreenMamba3313,2020/04/19,"Feeling out of control and terrified of myself I’ve long been suspected of having a mood disorder. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 19 or so, but it never felt quite right. I’m 27 now and relatively successful and engaged to a wonderful man. Over the last year I’ve been working closely with a couple of therapists to help me understand the root of my depression, anxiety and lately uncontrollable impulsivity. Alcohol is a huge trigger for me and obliterates my coping mechanisms, but lately it feels like the only way to escape the shame I feel about the things that I’ve done. And round and round we go. Things hit an all time low with a suicide attempt a couple weeks back after a few drinks on the day that was supposed to be my wedding day (it was postponed because of the pandemic). It’s was the strangest and truest forms of disassociation I’ve ever experienced and it terrifies me that I could do that again. Of course, by the next day I felt OK and couldn’t comprehend how I’d gotten to that point the night before. I’m scared of myself. I’m scared of hurting others even more and right now it’s hard to see past tomorrow even though I know, true to past episodes, this certainly will pass. I’m so scared and so fucking tired.",6.7340554899645815,6.857330847107441,7.193577331759151,74.27595041322317,64.9090909090909,10.881227863046043,34.22786304604486,10.608840637214634,3.604758205430933,1003,41,187,24,14,329,141,242,0.20600000000000002,0.648,0.145,-0.9488,0,0,2,0,0,1,20.0,1,0,0,5,14,17,1,5,18,1,15,6,0,4,6,42,32,21,1,2,3,0,8,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,15,18,2,1,9,1,0,2,2,9,0,0,11,10,15,7,27,16,4,35,0,3,3,1,4,9,1,2,24,123,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295909665245795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801696918135853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847040325664741,0.0,0.07013662672074962,0.0,0.09790356338702508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904427239398564,0.0918622736254233,0.2546129431184301,0.0,0.2226033990479329,0.0,0.0990969383315343,0.11677868054083328,0.0,0.0,0.26372662232729643,0.0,0.0,0.11774149095967534,0.0,0.11271036586854576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198584585165426,0.104074081770472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452620966742746,0.08219551025985564,0.2209422109562748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063667462224928,0.0,0.0,0.06538856328625489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306692574961313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771191244555654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316904973518225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323136926972689,0.09378540399102483,0.25957471955431405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056210194885280805,0.0,0.0,0.10182029632341737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873771972878121,0.0,0.12236258846568915,0.107971579967196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750471996066185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21966655434813512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876442245271416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237544562560275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965131495539944,0.0,0.0,0.3455712004899999,0.0,0.0916841565917642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585179480228334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358804022667925,0.1528752223554517,0.0,0.11304122188438395,0.0,0.06708965513180118,0.13223911138446168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977659718417465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132552059139228,0.09229040024245967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477253600274428,0.08376160928977668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409182379260883 bpd,bpdbritt,2020/04/19,"Am I in the wrong for needing more communication from my S/O? I’ve been with my S/O for 6 years and it feels like he still doesn’t know how to communicate fully with me. He doesn’t feel the need to talk about anything whether it’s something simple about school or something huge about how he’s feeling. He just doesn’t communicate and then I’m left not knowing where I stand, not knowing how he is feeling/thinking, etc. Today I snapped when I waited all day (and this has happened multiple times recently and not recently...) for him to let me know if he was coming or not. In the morning before I left, I asked and he said later, and so I went home and worked on a few small things and sat around waiting to hear from him and then I try to get a hold of him a few times and no luck. Then of course I panic, as always, and by the time I do get a hold of him it’s too late and I’m just feeling so hurt??? And he said he didn’t want to go to multiple places he just wants to spend time in one place and that’s fine I can work through my anger with that one because I can understand that as a reasonable thing BUT he didn’t tell me that? He left me to boil and brew up all this anger while he ignored me to play some video game and smoke all day instead of telling me straight up that he needs to just be settled right now. Like is it wrong to be pissed off? I told him I shouldn’t feel like this with someone I’ve been with for 6 years, and that I should start focusing myself on things other than him because he’s not giving anything back. And of course I go from yesterday thinking this is my person and I’m going to marry him and have a wonderful life and today it feels like it’s not worth the time anymore and I guess it just hurts? And I don’t know if I’m just being an idiot or if it’s valid to be pissed off when someone doesn’t communicate what they want or need or feel or ANYTHING to you. I just hate feeling so much all the time with someone who either feels nothing or just feels no need to discuss their feelings (truly don’t know which it is at this point)...",4.754181818181821,4.220096054545458,5.219454545454545,88.98918181818182,69.13636363636364,8.221818181818183,28.28181818181818,7.24861992348623,1.2156290909090908,1624,47,378,13,25,520,187,440,0.126,0.7979999999999999,0.076,-0.9844,0,0,3,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,2,2,26,19,6,1,13,0,28,4,2,4,4,104,80,49,0,13,27,0,11,4,0,2,1,3,1,1,27,31,1,5,21,3,2,5,17,12,0,2,10,14,40,7,53,63,11,55,0,2,0,0,38,22,2,14,31,243,67,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061954635276206274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738418691563457,0.0,0.0,0.1838166257487512,0.06628299365547688,0.06960774586777799,0.0,0.0,0.05725324980021562,0.0,0.09077724667171874,0.0,0.06335787974954693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413857502165811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603790301936016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303983547916527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4141276457832645,0.1595774374751742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780197970005605,0.07142645393094606,0.12694780209303053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202337118847991,0.0,0.06584255388149643,0.0,0.0,0.07351140258631607,0.0,0.0,0.08391905536858571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468698029444826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594166661970927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455194899139791,0.0,0.08399134463845345,0.0,0.2426949947386679,0.07613787601779425,0.052591560204057135,0.14550476591589295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0547348567328825,0.27604660039996765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144401467858852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090870780697148,0.0,0.0,0.08735987664775785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501344916186927,0.15558455692836476,0.0,0.07038643906705078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655474870290853,0.1470356699072034,0.0,0.0,0.06358632958755392,0.14165233617876266,0.0,0.0,0.07535500232723907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18926288788891968,0.11464209897045688,0.0,0.0,0.052701427769112505,0.0,0.059461885059310486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598461476685191,0.1301583380023101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839883686959238,0.09541876621987756,0.0,0.0,0.2605007308350472,0.0,0.14115407756679652,0.07114736720820602,0.0,0.05055177995771282,0.0,0.0,0.0775129216819761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175095297678024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902288256025929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074602250029603,0.1084119471327337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281525587462586,0.0,0.0958964250099778 bpd,pizza4569,2020/04/20,"In need of reassurance that my FP being sick doesn’t mean they want to abandon me I feel a bit ridiculous when I think about how intense this fear is with me, but every time my FP is sick even just with a cold my fear that they want to abandon me gets really really bad. It’s not a fear of them dying, it’s a fear that they’re going to hate me or realize they don’t like me, even though I am logically so aware that they DON’T. They literally just have a cold but my brain just is terrified of this. I just want some reassurance maybe from folks who’ve also felt this way that my FP being sick does NOT mean they want to leave me. I don’t even know why this makes my fear so intense. I think it partially could be because *I* feel bad when they feel bad either physically or emotionally, and perhaps I also feel guilty because I can’t do anything to fix their problem of being ill because I’m the kind of person who feels like they always have to fix any problem their FP has. Couple that with them sometimes not being as responsive to messages because they’re resting or feel crappy and it freaks me out so bad... Come to think of it, even when they are as responsive as normal to messages, it still just freaks me out because my brain is so convinced that them being sick = them wanting to leave. Anyways, some reassurance would be appreciated <3",6.880010542962572,5.929743424354242,7.06851080653664,78.86203874538747,64.9409594095941,9.956879283078546,31.903268318397473,9.04235418022936,2.4172338429098583,1072,34,219,15,14,347,119,271,0.304,0.603,0.094,-0.9977,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,15,0,23,24,2,5,6,0,24,7,2,2,0,54,49,21,1,11,14,0,7,2,0,1,5,0,0,1,18,8,0,2,15,0,0,2,8,17,0,0,1,9,39,7,27,39,5,11,0,2,0,0,22,3,0,5,7,150,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240559738995393,0.07408585621855908,0.0,0.0,0.0605481638564953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326980483429486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973684613054088,0.27138042274217394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720526438793214,0.0,0.0,0.1987893145760697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669742910975935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108874154949718,0.09851766668821926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240627355095944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791681520037183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015455931223796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23523220335229705,0.0,0.0750174514881871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5009564854716579,0.2701184746036473,0.06360799874405453,0.08548941318440355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04651811971679287,0.0,0.05060173771339194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790553246184672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271825854337104,0.04893236679690029,0.0,0.0,0.1885545004549012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699789062352811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059432840440395186,0.0,0.08944956097656191,0.19397463207474852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660197535040879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872372845484939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777436107146071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039262969529878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407867126074366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805979789334653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110500525665132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115380382441878,0.08747832913156142,0.0,0.05191814839851274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625814333175636,0.07067336866347729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034197819444619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324927864968143,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nikkioliver,2020/04/20,"DAE always feel down unless someone else is sad? ((I have BPD, bipolar II, and adhd. Not sure if my question is strictly BPD or just mental health related.)) I've been having a bad streak the last few days. Poor negative thinking, not taking care of hygiene, staying in bed all day, etc. Yesterday, my bf/FP was on the phone with me trying so hard to cheer me up and motivate me to take care of things, but I just felt so numb. And then I started feeling worse for even feeling bad in the first place. (Eventually I did get up, but it took hours). Today, my bf is feeling down. I was too until I heard him on the phone and how's he's feeling depressed today. In a second, my mood switched and all negative feelings I had were gone. Like I wouldn't allow myself to feel down because I had to help him instead, so I perked up a ton. Now that we're off the phone, I'm back to feeling depressed. When he calls later, I'm sure I'll switch to helping him and being perky again. It wasn't just this one instance of course, but just an example. It happens every time. I have this immediate 'switch' to take care of people and forget about myself when someone around me is hurt or struggling. Even during arguments! Is this common with you guys as well?",3.4235335314091664,4.811687512096778,4.345687606112056,87.1543208828523,73.07258064516128,6.6726655348047546,26.359083191850594,7.0608816371341465,1.164295161290323,965,33,195,9,19,312,149,248,0.23,0.682,0.08900000000000001,-0.9917,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,1,0,2,20,17,0,1,9,0,18,3,0,3,4,43,42,23,0,2,13,0,10,1,1,1,3,1,1,1,8,10,0,0,12,0,1,2,6,8,1,3,12,11,25,8,31,28,5,36,0,4,0,0,16,14,0,4,20,135,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950693532246618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896651991360472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959295103418066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286101631678494,0.17995069275483375,0.06568967651535625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27144064207816904,0.0,0.1100353109894068,0.0,0.3296064122057992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899295283474092,0.0,0.1856275708433763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001990017700284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018121567932966,0.142349318975078,0.0,0.09079269741478707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43589474972046455,0.0,0.10346678365422084,0.0,0.0,0.0916608531031086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056300307248063286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669963552599078,0.09529207425868984,0.0,0.09653205933158064,0.0,0.0,0.11454415601785342,0.0,0.0,0.14445891042931658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106122185335405,0.0,0.11535962609125995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783902417436618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05264623765811706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859703332003573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302116572662798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747074212653109,0.0,0.11258657417061096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207161941160122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826098989576955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762732924599478,0.1148581380421415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265445910863513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20312560820931955,0.0,0.2430669959671924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159115267780479,0.06904844678915488,0.0,0.0,0.06283589543993577,0.0,0.20428832189014015,0.0,0.11972565436116248,0.07316216771161849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688944799155297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981694829278098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Zelios247,2020/04/20,"Do you ever try to make people jealous of you? Particularly an ex...like trying to make them think your new FP is so much better? When I saw my ex-pwBPD a few months after we broke up, she started telling me all about how this new guy she had been seeing was amazing in bed. This hurt as she had always told me how I was the best she'd ever had. What was worse was she said it in this kind of tantalising way like ""sorryyy he was really good I can't help it :/"". It seemed really genuine but I am not sure if she was just acting. Is it the kind of thing in general you can imagine a pwBPD doing?",0.9030952380952364,2.7074860555555564,3.020873015873015,92.10607142857144,81.30158730158729,5.787301587301588,18.436507936507933,6.816661863887847,-0.04717777777777776,457,10,105,5,12,155,86,126,0.099,0.816,0.084,-0.2402,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,4,1,2,8,11,1,0,5,0,18,0,0,4,4,17,27,7,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,9,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,13,3,19,8,12,13,4,14,0,2,2,0,18,4,0,2,9,76,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463700647342886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18460524543916665,0.15557688054841726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182388379942939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754380568581185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17417719148058713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790784091664035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18831381741629188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663635192392915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859400669187544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23484074144840825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040858331964134,0.0,0.12931307701993466,0.0,0.0,0.3397872853702558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195288910409907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253831345078492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16732938160166588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017639627414027,0.16014060223887994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450902760970595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579179385794274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537518885727522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168658716293414,0.1127151417016997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808822612726704,0.0,0.23886081394415476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962807577935565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17926591348052162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DamnBananna,2020/04/20,"I'm angry.. not exactly surprising I'm pissed.. I literally decided to get my life together in the middle of 2019. I saw a psychiatrist, I got diagnosed, I started my treatment plan. Intensive 4 hour DBT classes, 3 days a week for 3 months. I got through it, finished my classes and was feeling positive. I was ready to start my life with my new perspective and backpack full of skills to help cope with life. Yet here I fucking am.. 4 months into the new year, and everything is literally falling apart at the seems because of this stupid fucking virus. Why?? Why now?! I'm so fucking angry.. I tried so hard and did my best and was ready to move forward. Now I feel like after this shit storm is finally over and we can go back to real life.. I'm going to need to go back to fucking therapy! This isn't fair.. every fucking time I try to get on track, something happens. I'm so sick of this.",1.6155218554861754,3.9778328418079103,3.576491228070175,86.01337198929528,82.16384180790959,6.890157597383291,27.39488551888195,8.032893268588372,2.0084757062146896,691,32,138,14,19,233,104,177,0.095,0.79,0.115,0.5427,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,0,3,9,11,8,0,5,0,9,13,2,0,1,18,34,9,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,10,0,0,4,0,0,6,2,8,0,0,7,4,17,3,23,27,2,33,0,0,1,5,2,9,7,1,21,77,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18351827791382289,0.0,0.072743835682186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523184050255998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695943303685326,0.0,0.0,0.12111972795993738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054257247468328,0.0,0.10724813714364537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067594837744615,0.08525098756121736,0.0,0.13072265358110444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.551603739089485,0.1246923570510291,0.0,0.2034578133673909,0.0,0.1908818127341408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552511991847502,0.0,0.10689826217119483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998589580998518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751823455042515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371516060705207,0.0582997125977948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19049973655564525,0.1268313029624179,0.0,0.08848335580275915,0.0,0.2305036729864105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582623253316706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863560409594096,0.0,0.0,0.12249284597809612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186780074886272,0.0,0.0,0.16892797005473786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646683469502574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695835981435708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203753735710252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572113778740499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153576002684263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768460604303413 bpd,NidhiDharmavaram,2020/04/20,"DAE feel like they can't stay in a relationship for too long? I always seem to get into a relationship with my heart pounding and fluttering and with promises to stay with this person long term but always seem to turn things around by five months mark. I still love my SO but keep splitting on her. I wanna run away from this relationship but to break up with her would kill me (not literally, but you know) .",7.761962025316457,6.815937822784811,7.198575949367092,78.62925632911396,63.17721518987342,10.431645569620251,29.87658227848101,9.516144504307137,2.233402531645569,324,8,66,5,4,101,57,79,0.077,0.813,0.11,0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,1,0,4,4,1,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,20,10,7,1,2,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,8,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,10,3,18,9,1,15,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,2,6,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781738731641439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880401593728354,0.0,0.0,0.15704828666453724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451894658545263,0.11941606858571435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733195642471361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980803144760726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485756703654532,0.18493302068338965,0.0,0.0918644036104996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166383378381928,0.0,0.0,0.29585507652997495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086454936876104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342208845237102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459539135408558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5383880105821094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043445506189782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563314801222545,0.133490761416378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110508224849544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18181740636212304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874261643757968,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Evox33,2020/04/20,"[Question] Do you keep notes of your encounters with people you meet? I read the following from someone who has a PhD in this field and he said: >I have read accounts where a Polyamorous borderline keeps notes of their encounters because once they are not around the person (object constancy) they dont remember how they felt when the were with them. I thought this was interesting because I know of one person wBPD who also did this and never I thought much of it until now. So for research purposes it had me curious, does anyone else here also engage in this kind of activity for the same reasons?",6.0023648648648615,7.652077018018018,5.7671959459459465,78.42755067567569,67.1081081081081,9.153603603603603,31.893018018018022,9.516144504307137,3.0504855855855846,483,20,84,10,8,150,80,111,0.0,0.929,0.071,0.7757,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,5,0,9,3,0,0,6,0,9,0,0,2,1,18,17,8,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,8,5,0,2,7,2,1,1,3,0,0,1,8,2,13,3,14,9,2,9,0,0,0,0,16,4,0,1,4,65,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797728989173361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231074424547968,0.17923004031540082,0.0,0.15571921211397385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132637732548744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307694123371735,0.0,0.2050093172608133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461263367257324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16795421943877745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109605098072761,0.0,0.18215615432737156,0.09613351132657767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858907384174,0.0,0.13491196985236992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18628807124881885,0.11853285140390175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127009443757225,0.30547332043931164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19595461886716992,0.0,0.34994214814019275,0.0,0.0,0.1798507353720762,0.0,0.0,0.19815449492849968,0.0,0.1663925312314108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821231489968428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777398163673013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,music_feeds_my_soul,2020/04/20,"Can someone with BPD please give me some insight? I was broken up with by a girl with BPD almost a year ago. We were together for quite some time, 4 years. I can honestly say I had never felt loved so much in my entire life but am now coming to the conclusion that I think she only loved me when it was convenient for her. She always told me how much she loved me and how she had never loved another human so much in her life (she had been in plenty of relationships before ours, so that meant a lot). When we broke up, it was like I didn’t even know who she was. It seemed like all of her love for me had vanished. Right away she jumped on dating apps and threw that in my face. In this time, it seemed like she was battling between black and white thinking with me. Sometimes she would be nice and would tell me she was going to miss me, others she would just ignore me and tell me that she just wanted to forget me and she never wanted to talk again. Once we went our separate ways, she went ahead and blocked me on everything. I figured I’d give her time and space to let her process things because I know things like break ups can be really hard for people with BPD. After all that we’d been through, I was hoping she would reach out to me eventually. I’m the one who got her help with her BPD in the first place. When she was battling between the black and white thinking with me, she stated that she wanted to be friends one day and also that she wanted me to grow without her so maybe one day we could try again. I held onto those things she said. When she switched to hating me again, she said she had only said those things so I would leave. I just don’t get it. How can you say you love someone more than anything in the world and then just completely forget about them. Is it because it’s just too painful for her to think about me? I know people with BPD are extremely sensitive and it can be hard to think about anything that has hurt you in the past. In all honesty, I still love her very much and I just want her to be happy. I just didn’t want to be replaced so fast because she too, meant the world to me. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself because what she did to her ex before me was far much worse but it still hurts. If anyone can give me some insight it would be greatly appreciated. I’m just curious as to how people with BPD might process break ups or losing someone close to them. I was also her fp if that matters. Thank you for reading! Also, I could go into a lot more detail but I know she follows this subreddit and I don’t want to trigger her or anything.",3.312946544980445,4.416060033898312,3.875555555555557,91.52724902216428,72.954802259887,6.651426915833696,23.219904389395914,6.788186056548923,0.4898538896132112,2022,51,445,16,39,637,210,531,0.11800000000000001,0.753,0.129,0.8472,0,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,7,4,2,5,38,28,3,0,11,0,53,11,1,5,6,106,104,41,0,19,16,1,4,4,1,8,3,5,0,2,31,31,0,3,18,1,0,9,9,10,0,4,33,13,96,18,67,51,15,68,0,5,4,7,80,27,0,14,32,336,127,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0502041758236419,0.0,0.05671252334693385,0.0,0.0,0.13587476820990665,0.04712548160947184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05938752281094356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03960103376285466,0.0,0.13981919153617806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05321115215332655,0.0,0.0,0.13809851190358013,0.0,0.09638570491590284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279844725569377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048786684388757835,0.05938150710861755,0.0,0.0,0.09043807694273773,0.0,0.0,0.07305074773459679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037407379218009316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05090056086908913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05437920238029079,0.0,0.0,0.048174340645416515,0.0,0.0,0.04375664052917955,0.0,0.029589842206234382,0.16299051844044846,0.06437480463166736,0.0,0.045296783639527737,0.0624411151304875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06028980979818225,0.15220352479848598,0.0559160785181536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03796174988934067,0.0,0.0,0.05625207956930292,0.0,0.0,0.12125948506712644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450210981121622,0.0,0.0,0.05996908247477777,0.0,0.057913892319188524,0.0800070113288701,0.11067746811340436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336091821191682,0.0,0.09629937992779107,0.3578118337391473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05689822397868595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06008158145961885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081689669274151,0.0,0.13104294735744892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060315226145099626,0.1151335513345998,0.08614808108194792,0.06026443190263647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05406523254826303,0.11779229536715922,0.0,0.05917230521621144,0.062169046913652826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060239092342294936,0.0566510771765573,0.0,0.036282312164089066,0.0,0.0,0.06080560095466149,0.0,0.04836662167782802,0.16162070522497385,0.09007804435899687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311812076380387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396186343122905,0.0,0.05601420565234876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045876739761036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04552167111915293,0.09900428493367247,0.05214259002652948,0.0,0.0,0.1505051048311321,0.1814495111078588,0.0,0.0,0.09907428512403556,0.0,0.0,0.05411788690200421,0.0,0.03845195708283311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0467304257345554,0.23383663216912445,0.044954822758676606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500381668699613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054594842660022264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05771666852964414,0.2413944741915188,0.0,0.0,0.07294313319858074 bpd,asadgirl7,2020/04/20,"I need help I have BPD and bipolar disorder and I need help. I’m having a very hard time being self quarantined and on top of that, I just broke up with my boyfriend that I lived with for a year and a half and moved out. We were very codependent and I feel lost and empty without him. I need someone to talk to but I can’t face my problems and feelings head on so I just can’t talk to anyone. I don’t even want to talk to my therapist because It’s so much easier to ignore things and hope these feelings go away. I can’t get through the day sober and I feel like I need to start taking benzos just to deal with every day life. Does anyone have any advice on how to get through this? I feel like I am being eaten from the inside out.",0.9933333333333358,2.831969394904462,2.546777070063694,95.44572823779194,81.16560509554141,5.4605520169851385,19.383864118895964,6.42735559955562,-0.10147014861995762,573,14,132,5,15,187,89,157,0.09699999999999999,0.7659999999999999,0.13699999999999998,0.7947,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,2,7,7,0,0,5,0,11,5,2,1,0,35,30,14,0,7,5,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,16,1,1,5,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,3,6,20,3,25,25,1,15,0,2,0,0,9,8,0,1,7,87,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978344477160034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031747667195776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185732044598138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247822991698024,0.0,0.0,0.0809616458670298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727347662242273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17130695144751454,0.1369244960009702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221534311582216,0.0,0.1162256572452264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772181386506732,0.0,0.11190078267001373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357715229606505,0.18976344043502413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877874818144706,0.0,0.07548075737394193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897446930784533,0.0,0.13630457878663246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17804367092264828,0.0,0.0,0.13191339667884772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380983515028732,0.12977156459315367,0.0,0.11727641913889099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498121064383354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115932902080744,0.0976329256474538,0.3939169855671326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270842200438402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855305072359506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253212647325866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400581066662904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985893823493057,0.320250467492145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542062701128341,0.08823513613981541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774443989407763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21916946836780665,0.0783366198663155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802710924772373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552729550885158 bpd,FactP0sters_Ghost,2020/04/20,"Question regarding BPD Does BPD make you hate black people? I have become very racist lately and wondering if it is the meds, the fact that 90% of interracial crime is committed by blacks, who despite being 13% of the population commit nearly half of all violent crime and two thirds of all robberies, or if I'm just losing my mental clairty because of Second Hand Trumpism or something like that or isolation maybe? By the way, I am Korean living in USA. Please help me. If you guys could post some awesome stories about black folks to snap me out of it in the comments it would be much appreciated. I realize, intellectually, that black folks commit crime because white people force them to, i'm just having trouble REALIZING this (you know?) right now. Please help :(",6.291438848920863,8.001180625899284,6.46984892086331,73.43441366906477,66.4820143884892,9.013237410071943,30.446762589928056,9.3871,2.8661303597122303,613,23,102,12,10,196,96,139,0.18899999999999997,0.632,0.179,-0.7034,0,1,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,3,1,1,4,5,2,0,5,0,9,1,1,1,6,26,15,8,0,5,8,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,0,6,10,1,15,11,4,9,0,1,5,0,10,5,0,9,3,66,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018610808208994,0.18286015324817795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4170617385808644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219496508239653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448922915251347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394131386411598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16346707707931707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219574927169452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099348756386877,0.0,0.18677129159504452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088962374732599,0.0,0.14620222000589286,0.0,0.0,0.1852315894756656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051992334531996,0.0,0.1663383164786934,0.0,0.18391204764488736,0.0,0.16685661798624515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171373051920248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295721580914245,0.0,0.0,0.3634944600230647,0.0,0.0,0.15857124301179967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547740458995293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139672315019053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274646392913934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617388015176701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366134090218763,0.0,0.13142254735538786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17955467885959192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761688279092272,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LumenMews,2020/04/20,"Tips to help me support a partner who frequently feels judged when I am not judging? I have two people in my life that I care very deeply for and am very close to, who have BPD. I have found this subreddit incredibly helpful in learning tools to better support them in their own ways, while still being mindful of my own needs. Quite the balancing act, at times. I’m stuck on one behaviour that my partner-turned-friend exhibits. He very frequently perceives me (and his other closest person, his mom) to be judging him. Usually he claims it is a look that I give him. I am definitely a very facially expressive person, but I essentially am never judging him. For a while, I would just tell him “I’m not judging you.” He’d disagree. We wouldn’t dwell. It’s become progressively worse. We are now at the point where it will interrupt a seemingly harmless flow of conversation and sometimes be the trigger that causes him to switch. I have reassured him during good states and bad states, that I am never judging him. But he cannot wrap his head around that. He describes it as being akin to me stepping on a bug in front of his eyes, and then claiming that I didn’t step on a bug. It is a very real feeling to him, that he simply perceived as fact. No matter how often I tell him it’s not. Unfortunately, this has turned into a trigger word for me. When he says “stop judging me,” I actually just want to (and sometimes do) scream “I’m not judging you!” Which obviously is a terrible response that makes me feel like a pile of poop (because I hate yelling) and worsens the situation tenfold. Has anyone here figured this one out? How can I do better? What are the magic words I can say to him? How can I better manage my response to this? WHAT DOES HE NEED!? I want to give it to him. <3",3.5047413793103463,5.371266198275865,4.5520689655172415,83.7998275862069,73.79885057471266,7.213793103448276,28.09195402298851,7.990435384864732,1.839733333333334,1399,56,271,21,29,456,176,348,0.10800000000000001,0.764,0.128,-0.7249,0,0,0,0,1,0,49.0,2,2,2,5,13,15,1,1,16,0,31,5,4,7,4,54,53,19,0,6,8,1,3,1,1,3,1,4,0,3,26,13,0,1,9,0,0,5,10,5,0,3,3,9,50,10,33,42,2,38,0,0,2,0,46,16,0,2,15,191,76,2,0.0,0.0,0.10359917795018236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423121107025088,0.0,0.0,0.09450703430375673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864116074693587,0.06471560721741654,0.11724801834213175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816760187001073,0.0,0.0,0.13370781306456606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082396313504245,0.10905801769465226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290342238374873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103668171768906,0.07584243220294834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640158037936585,0.08202079870685881,0.0,0.0,0.2036812750774074,0.0,0.08904397539219193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481338066975183,0.10895323937928147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231682362165626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498563523137172,0.05186558099370464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914966941892652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086421929208456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719374980339894,0.1243361073878748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743613312962984,0.1637579588251866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387676512968153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359963372177236,0.18539380710782455,0.0,0.0,0.10035777270418143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291676891868314,0.0,0.12083604104739964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884918620180267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664625213351706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933097372060547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099946353729837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478142131412253,0.08875651117943112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409436428303857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18558121527282398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190414299718654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547419437474972,0.10370522844985723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169228734198472,0.4379754474185236,0.12523465568708378,0.0842667632569521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818854451002796,0.07541471548532609,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,coloursfadetogrey,2020/04/20,"Switching meds to Cymbalta So I've been on Wellbutrin for a few years (300mg), but due to recent COVID things my depression has been getting worse so my doctor increased me to 450mg. Fast forward 2 weeks later, I had a seizure on Friday night and ended up in the hospital. My doc is taking me off of Wellbutrin and having me go on Cymbalta (duloxetine). Has anyone tried it before and can offer some personal experiences on it? Does it help with any of your other symptoms of bpd?",4.4580184331797215,5.997394064516133,5.705407066052231,77.82096774193552,70.72043010752688,8.325038402457759,29.414746543778804,8.841846274778883,2.5037907834101385,380,15,68,7,7,127,70,93,0.09699999999999999,0.835,0.067,-0.6078,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,8,2,0,0,0,6,11,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,8,0,15,8,3,18,0,1,0,0,4,8,0,1,9,47,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16444983605890928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690902215746532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20577594386117248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30457112865844793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082842065544913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24751895258227935,0.21162338657044052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21418588044712694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365520344120797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634399912318167,0.0,0.13743517459894947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209073577698102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686139472572545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226937130879511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111529602606322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23877380269050855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25134959887915403,0.18182290545379912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065831561626662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418384383727808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397806946150814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24644114920511195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572788615516636 bpd,strayedtomato,2020/04/20,"Today, I was diagnosed. I had only one professional approach the idea that I MAY BE BORDERLINE in this last year, while I've been deeply invested in my healing journey from narcissistist abuse. I was *very* hesitant towards this... How could it be possible that I played a part in this? I am a survivor! I am not the problem! Fast forward almost a year to date, my new therapist that I have been seeing for only about a month gave me her diagnosis. I've been in such a crisis state up to a couple months ago, that diagnosises from professionals were hardy thorough. They were more of a quick assessment of my current state at that time. The last couple weeks she explained what she assessed should be my treatment plan. I was thrilled... Freakin' thrilled. Someone was finally listening! I was being heard! Yes!!! This is what I need, and have been trying to communicate! Grateful, to say the very least. Today, she cautioned me into going over the diagnosis that she has assessed from the cumulative records - BPD. My face! I was like... Uh? What? But BPD, yes, looking back... I think that's fair, and accurate. I think that I'm on board with this. My treatment plan is exactly what I need, and being unwilling to truly accept a diagnosis is going on only stand in my way. This isn't a life sentence. I have already come *so* far.",2.422901484480434,5.243841283400812,3.720595141700404,83.05225573549261,83.53441295546557,6.694143049932524,26.451956815114702,7.908726449838941,2.0208036167341423,1035,45,188,21,30,337,139,247,0.047,0.8270000000000001,0.126,0.9527,1,0,0,0,1,0,54.0,0,0,1,2,6,6,0,0,15,2,31,4,1,1,1,22,45,7,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,2,3,3,0,0,19,6,0,0,5,1,1,6,2,1,1,1,15,5,31,5,25,22,3,42,0,0,2,0,11,14,0,2,21,136,50,2,0.0,0.15797704233928053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819109113478235,0.0,0.1335130973751476,0.0,0.14713557329654234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025243536914914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358548764146697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148540209286769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645503903442206,0.29505943766277704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532953741221346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460590816739566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155170413976274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051600365267695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21736733587574725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417658802536327,0.0651394555619727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196560065881817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128492332293819,0.0,0.0,0.1977285089911769,0.0,0.1287732228369314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034945689418614,0.3042158008332935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438595128145446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031220083014996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758106030587876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603124317264072,0.0,0.0,0.10624862725053576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297207480976687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480914499080414,0.0,0.17086798340477113,0.0,0.0,0.07774717056301139,0.0,0.2527669717256811,0.0,0.0,0.09052391936185736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22002631917160548,0.0,0.10583302019105433,0.10695117563032347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172333500334366 bpd,Anavaledia,2020/04/20,"I constantly emotionally harm myself. Does anyone understand? So, I think I have borderline personality disorder and although this story doesn’t relate directly to BPD, I’m sure you can understand my need for constant reassurance and can see how the following story is closely related to my OCD. The other day. I decided (after weeks of not doing this) to look at who my boyfriend follows on social media. I knew I’d see lots of pretty girls. I think I did it to harm myself. Seeing some of the half naked girls turned me on. So I masturbated. And I say there looking through his list, wondering why these girls look nothing like me and I masturbated. A moment of weakness, but I also feel like I violated these women. I just feel like a monster to be honest. I won’t commit suicide because I know things get better but I’ll be good for two weeks and then something else will pop up.",3.5010714285714286,5.9507372023809575,5.151428571428571,76.83107142857145,75.78571428571429,8.009523809523811,27.761904761904763,8.841846274778883,2.587683333333333,702,29,122,16,16,237,110,168,0.147,0.737,0.11599999999999999,-0.6741,0,0,1,0,0,2,19.0,0,1,0,1,6,12,1,0,5,0,11,1,0,1,2,26,32,13,1,1,4,0,2,3,0,2,1,1,0,5,8,6,0,0,10,0,0,2,3,4,0,2,2,9,24,8,17,26,2,15,0,0,6,0,11,5,0,3,11,85,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098367049683862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603652950047796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372572981188413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147265680410965,0.0,0.0,0.17298430335007325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968475965751198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857774183190742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741207524201867,0.0,0.1201936777780513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473616920842356,0.1544973931367822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889399361322366,0.1962420893484645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175837305083196,0.0,0.0,0.1152005234226764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548256576683053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013030769946932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460117947829001,0.0,0.0,0.11676788915025507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018413927629173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178858114716008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199264943196645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973173245560847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922420379518613,0.0,0.0,0.328344402136531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000842720583295,0.0,0.10573677606877806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023581630051971,0.0,0.12944834480066622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124754183592318,0.17601339834418542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493945836895949,0.13416849985046134,0.2859670754784742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220343677083198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239347092706685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489474490825312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ditabark,2020/04/20,"How to help my boyfriend understand my BPD? I (20) recently got diagnosed with BPD, and I feel like my boyfriend (who does not have BPD) doesn't really fully understand what my disorder means and how it affects not only me, but my relationships in general. I want to talk to him about it but I'm scared I'll come across as playing victim/ being dramatic/ looking for attention. I don't want him to judge me or think less of me for it. Does anyone have any advice as to how to approach the topic with him in a respectful and productive way?",6.3766352201257845,6.210259179245282,7.107547169811323,75.57125786163523,65.69811320754718,11.59496855345912,34.647798742138356,11.20814326018867,3.9114138364779882,427,18,83,12,6,142,67,106,0.053,0.826,0.121,0.6553,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,1,2,0,5,1,0,4,0,24,16,11,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,6,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,1,2,15,3,17,14,1,7,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,1,2,56,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883699533453285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053610609594264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365517363645755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6141588352649615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001803888645814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497965224601546,0.0,0.0,0.18629053795636916,0.0,0.28448827522033404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218758551189315,0.11612210924161905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000200551715255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089504203615964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941122781920593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649677826018314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17705904808074324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362272122048025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413042532262523,0.0,0.1604934794685668,0.1745123921753155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627358013724179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064743375770116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415220882722444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384299473009819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917463871624987,0.12902057600390415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Eivetsthecat,2020/04/20,"So horny I'm going INSANE I don't know where to post this, and since most of us are pretty hyper sexual, even when healthy, I figured someone would understand. I have a fwb but he's not quarantined because he's an essential worker. I've haven't had a stretch like this without being touched in years. Probs the first time in a long time that I've wished I was coupled with someone. Fucking sucks.",2.407120253164557,4.796848240506332,3.1979588607594955,89.72326740506331,79.25316455696202,5.975316455696203,26.330696202531644,7.1686216300943375,1.323821518987342,317,13,62,4,8,100,62,79,0.11599999999999999,0.8,0.084,-0.5221,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,2,4,3,2,0,5,0,8,1,0,0,0,11,15,4,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,2,1,5,1,6,11,1,12,0,0,0,1,3,4,2,1,7,36,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437718813395933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26206208160190353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564324525300516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014583863857676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218957375747566,0.0,0.0,0.13460323578116942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016262292412745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570944114992315,0.0,0.0,0.20959844756537785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22682995743258774,0.2409543000742398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19591883272632427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4013523149375723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276209912386359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465617340645353,0.284892757398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723575607841747,0.2283080320336341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16824634788814394,0.0,0.0,0.15251901443000165 bpd,throw_a_way_3_2_1,2020/04/20,"Favorite person comes and goes I have a weird pattern with my favorite person, was wondering if anyone is in a similar situation. They will come and go randomly in my life. I've known them for a while now, but there was some drama in the relationship and now they have me blocked on snapchat. This pattern has been going on for years: 1) They keep me blocked on snapchat 2) They add me again every 3-6 months, talk to me for a while/send nudes 3) I try to have a conversation with them about their day, how they're feeling, you know. Stuff that's deeper than just ""hey."" 4) They respond with one word answers or otherwise stonewall me. Every time I talk to them they say ""I'm at work"" even at 9 or 10 PM, which is frankly hard to believe. Besides, if they cared they would make an effort to talk to me when they found some time. 5) I get more needy 6) They block me again Randomly a few months ago they wanted sex, so I let them come over. I was really happy to see them, but I couldn't finish because I needed more of a connection. I do have strong feelings for them (they are my favorite person) but I needed to feel like I was connected to them. I just feel like they don't care about me at all and it's hard to deal with. I apologize if this has been triggering for anybody reading.",1.599115826702036,3.7349125440613022,2.747222222222224,93.24596153846157,80.64750957854406,6.007721780135572,22.29899793692897,7.1686216300943375,0.6136223401119949,998,32,219,13,26,319,143,261,0.078,0.8029999999999999,0.11900000000000001,0.9154,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,1,21,3,13,7,0,0,9,0,21,3,1,3,1,49,43,16,0,8,10,0,6,2,0,2,1,1,0,3,6,12,0,4,9,2,0,5,2,1,0,1,7,8,46,6,33,32,6,29,0,0,1,2,35,10,0,10,16,146,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100613262786159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868163300450304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568745591304814,0.0,0.0,0.1398870451257018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25318103864364483,0.0,0.0,0.320861388548142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007363978603681,0.128004645205837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200723748167643,0.0,0.20922216845449024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511183370227462,0.17740143345681647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136136240730526,0.0,0.0,0.06486905171062472,0.0,0.14112723215648484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217180281542712,0.22244792096507807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036009312565816,0.0,0.0,0.06823569506670124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696313989891622,0.08769865886631052,0.12131768652583022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287850032007069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982084155555956,0.0,0.0,0.18412776913824225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841347766473099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252380578355126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419470266909398,0.0,0.07954078185173402,0.0,0.0,0.13330255853113301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873789249684774,0.0,0.0,0.0989403238281373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956228181860808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213475754984933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993879741433921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447986751694617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842972387279403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323343540034785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464741974927394,0.09039076167103943,0.0,0.0,0.08820048515212789,0.0,0.0,0.07995567949322778 bpd,leadmetowar,2020/04/20,"How to deal with a breakup when you still love each other? This is not my main account. I'm posting through it because of privacy. I also posted this before, but I think that maybe here I will be more successful in finding a way to deal with what I'm going through. I don't want to go into details, I just want to make it clear that we broke up (in fact, he broke up with me) due to physical distance and lack of money. According to him, he still f*cking loves me (and that may be true, since, as I said, the only problem was distance and lack of money). However, I do feel a feeling of immense sadness, emptiness and loneliness. It's almost unbearable and I can no longer live my life like anyone else, with responsibilities and dreams and plans. I'm out of perspective. We had many, many plans for the future. He was my best friend and, often, my only friend. I have most (maybe all?) of my plans focused on him, so getting rid of my love and plans is a very cruel thing for me, although I know there's no other way out. But it's hard to move on when you know things could have worked out in some way, you know? And we love each other. This is so hard to understand, although he has explained his reasons to me countless times. I'm trying not to stalk him on social media (as I always do) or beg him to come back now... But I'm struggling and I'm about to explode. I know that I need to have a life and that I need to live it, but my life is so dull and sad and lonely now. All my friends are too busy for me and I don't talk to them on a daily basis (I used to talk to my boyfriend all day, tho). I don't know how to make new friends. I don't know how to make friends online. I feel like any hobby is boring, I feel boring. I don't like physical exercises, it just makes me physically tired, besides being mentally tired. If I leave the house to distract myself, I already feel like crying on the way back home, because I know that the memories and loneliness will come back again (and even the way back home itself reminds me of him). And due to quarantine, I can't even leave the house for non-basic things. I'm trying to spend more time with my family so I don't feel so alone, but I'm desperate. I can't focus on studies or work. EVERYTHING reminds me of him and that is painful. I cannot get rid of the things that remind me of him, as he is in every little thing in my life, including my every damn thought. And, to be honest, I don't know if I'll ever meet someone like him, because he's the kindest, sweetest, most respectful and loving guy I've ever met. And he admired me and loved me in a way that nobody ever did and I don't know if they will do it again. And he thought I was so beautiful, even though I'm really not. I started therapy, but I'm still taking the first steps, because I started a short time ago. I just don't know how to start changing my routine. It's not easy, really. I think the biggest problem now is my lack of friends. I have no one I can truly count on, I think. And I just want to learn how to deal with loneliness, with practical tips or, I don't know, someone to talk to? I just want to know what to do with all of this (loneliness, depression, boredom, missing him badly), I feel like I'm dying. I don't know, anything that can help me is a welcome help.",2.6579318488529045,3.810193855263158,4.100233918128655,89.09437246963566,74.62865497076024,7.015924426450742,25.43454790823213,7.468242284971852,1.093402024291498,2543,84,559,30,52,844,255,684,0.166,0.66,0.174,0.971,1,4,0,0,0,0,105.0,3,3,2,9,44,43,2,2,20,0,50,14,0,11,10,134,118,59,1,15,21,0,9,6,6,4,8,1,2,1,33,45,0,0,30,2,4,6,21,18,0,2,9,10,88,25,80,100,16,66,0,8,0,6,53,22,1,12,36,379,121,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04779253365066269,0.0,0.053988241734982234,0.055839842720130095,0.05949671646541819,0.04311593159607206,0.04486172970025636,0.0,0.0,0.0366641556083747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03769873138363505,0.055242449773402376,0.04436758036472895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16582971108119532,0.045016904080547385,0.13146471720685474,0.0,0.04587782759165277,0.0,0.05658063099975734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05703508724064479,0.0928862676102718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0430468657703927,0.0,0.0592232683342343,0.034770815993235483,0.1667524784669905,0.04643704574533692,0.0,0.05595542088926564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04503919545483088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683135819259353,0.1463080386977436,0.09085169027504827,0.0,0.04845546666713663,0.0,0.05082641171965477,0.0,0.19082786353704226,0.11555099686012055,0.0,0.0,0.049277476767927327,0.045860205025222894,0.0,0.0,0.2499282994638029,0.0,0.05633688856189927,0.0,0.061282452428289134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05338448198637311,0.0,0.0,0.09659478136153483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227638654591671,0.0,0.1081625969440484,0.0,0.0,0.1244217048449235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851946838906016,0.0,0.0,0.11417673311651122,0.0,0.0,0.15232747947724778,0.15804133418387162,0.05403715136175891,0.0952161428539181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919632052348213,0.0,0.14395514389628158,0.10932301381522777,0.10833004384801499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054333797303692095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057303279448235066,0.0,0.07995481155918667,0.0,0.052071594623997484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03653430573722608,0.08200981285923523,0.05736952837872303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327163381326436,0.0,0.0,0.10317904774908253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907886033693224,0.05543376098123701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05128566078010671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044599175037204265,0.0,0.0,0.054959712893952996,0.09136427517660904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114484276932069,0.0,0.12917014214219638,0.0,0.0,0.05636382836101252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04053748826077794,0.13000488284713532,0.0,0.0,0.06165668081374475,0.0,0.1790941731746121,0.10363996687424823,0.052971368037548185,0.08560522459708587,0.0943150849112442,0.12393508352677025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320970507595627,0.0,0.0,0.05612757988601115,0.0,0.046565384971840124,0.0,0.04448565099990761,0.12720222603404274,0.25677205262776553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850175288522811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,paperinferno,2020/04/20,"Really Bad Week My boyfriend of almost a year and a half cheated on me and I found out last week. The past 5ish days have been absolute HELL. I relapsed, I’m not eating, and I’m not sleeping. It consumes my every thought. I don’t know what to do. We were going to get married. I know that might seem dumb to some of you but he was different. I am so lost. I don’t know what to do with myself. I am so suicidal and I want to run far away and never come back. What do I do?",-1.7047756410256412,0.2285932019230792,1.069769230769232,99.74189743589744,97.75,4.311794871794873,16.54871794871795,6.079149491110277,-0.5227658974358977,359,10,89,4,15,123,68,104,0.20800000000000002,0.775,0.017,-0.9687,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,1,0,1,3,5,3,0,3,0,13,2,1,0,1,23,26,8,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,9,1,0,6,0,0,3,5,5,0,1,6,0,15,0,11,19,1,15,1,1,0,0,3,4,2,4,8,61,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20617831417769714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19344908318241755,0.15832378112594353,0.1719172378012878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17736393565244682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278795518586006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21512084836807424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21068629201015807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347896263276869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22575785341593585,0.0,0.0,0.10757383771384088,0.0,0.11701726454033162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394704590476167,0.16783533506916098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247633074909223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184265211176488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15880216206541653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965540914876025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190430464006628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874429054248979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060479053906049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225220314151634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634609715470122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144468721582613,0.0,0.33031984912796303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259233892416533 bpd,SatanicOnion,2020/04/20,"How do I stay in the zone? You know that feeling where everything has been perfect all day/week and it feels like the entire texture of your reality is genuinely amazing and worthwhile and happy? It's like your entire self is radiating good feelings? Charisma and clarity are forefront in everything you do How do I keep that going? How do I stop the swing back into obsessivly contemplating my suicide or obsessively reliving memories, or obsessively missing *her*? How can I hold onto this feeling? Life just isn't worth it if this feeling only happens to me 1/50th of the time, you know?",3.937211838006231,6.983138663551407,5.2015186915887845,73.6518730529595,78.25233644859813,8.05264797507788,32.28115264797508,8.841846274778883,3.5242778816199376,475,25,75,12,12,157,73,107,0.106,0.659,0.235,0.9459,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,5,0,1,7,9,0,2,4,0,11,1,0,4,2,25,22,11,1,1,4,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,5,0,3,7,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,5,12,6,7,21,1,10,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,3,5,56,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958994598229145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338499020456871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730576508895317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5247070837260681,0.14827079519807235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795308824851525,0.17407961025918464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18353210785328306,0.2209364143720587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18447628575512975,0.0,0.0,0.2281235404086128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659577022051068,0.2027928354609826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784796969000234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165155834107091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22121625899076544,0.0,0.17351762211904992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22702147153106514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121021652940756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648076020012412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,vickyvlataky,2020/04/20,BPD and relationship! I want to ask how a person with BPD behave in a relationship... I do not know if I have BPD or anything else I never went to a doctor but I have read a lot about BPD and I feel like that's is me so that's why I want to know more... And I have a relationship a year now and I feel so complicated and I think I have anger problems 😅 I don't really know what is happening to me or what I want.. So I need help,-1.5588487972508571,0.3000626597938165,2.0387886597938127,94.84278780068732,92.50515463917526,5.707560137457046,15.29982817869416,7.1686216300943375,-0.2560439862542956,326,7,85,6,12,119,50,97,0.1,0.782,0.11800000000000001,-0.2673,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,6,0,8,1,0,1,1,25,21,13,0,6,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,6,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,2,16,1,7,20,2,5,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,4,4,59,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106022072167642,0.0,0.12564865067563916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6771034333588151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756715332232333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227645022832164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591637814401622,0.09601752145572373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885211838295927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008748973817594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22159310172794305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566251096154874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426461406977388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965811256045634,0.10365986999841777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735550492433867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860550796054387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344393593202813,0.0,0.0861019956742684,0.0,0.0,0.4328955304743326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612000773186791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378230936856865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124592916367578,0.1212777915890897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655111767309095 bpd,Beardedignorance,2020/04/20,"Has anyone here had success using psychedelics while having BPD, If so plz include your set,setting and dosage. Did u find BPD made it easier for you to have a bad experience? Has anyone ever had BPD symptoms improve or become a new person altogether from a psychedelic experience?",8.380933333333331,9.236079760000004,8.846,61.326333333333366,61.4,10.666666666666668,36.66666666666667,10.504223727775694,4.282466666666667,228,10,33,5,3,76,42,50,0.064,0.727,0.209,0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,2,1,7,9,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,2,1,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,23,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640617219631486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576610242927095,0.0,0.2085424255768208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7134555973566596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080306249751884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.369414250919068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258266912114914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867082198211914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18236840388412526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487474486932993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19626152026027416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630842111689567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,peachyrage,2020/04/20,"Struggling after an argument Me and my boyfriend rarely argue. We are very similar people and we almost never have issues. But on the rare occasion we do argue, it always hits me so hard. Last night we were on facetime and I brought up my mental health because I’ve been struggling a lot recently. I told him I’ve been pretty down for the past two or so weeks and since I’m really bad with wording and getting my point across he thought I was breaking up with him. I explained that’s not what I was trying to say and he understood. But then he said he wished I told him sooner and I explained I was going to, but our good friends broke up about a week ago so I decided instead of worrying about me we should worry about them so I pushed my problems aside and chose to ignore them, which I know is not good. But I tried to explain myself anyways, and then he started saying I’m never myself around him. He says I act different in front of my friends than when I’m with him. He then said I’m happier around them and I’m always sad when I’m with him, which he immediately apologized for and said he didn’t mean it. I sat there crying because I didn’t know how to take any of this in. I still don’t. He knows about my BPD, but there are some parts that are hard for him to understand. I spent an hour writing an apology last night while he was asleep and when we woke up he said he felt better about it, but things feel so weird between us now. I feel so awful because I have this image of myself in my head from past relationships where I was told I’m toxic, manipulative, and a terrible person. Those words always haunt me because I always try my best to b the best friend and girlfriend I can, but sometimes it feels like I’m failing. I always jump right to “he’s going to break up with me” and I hate it. I feel like my brain isn’t meant to handle relationships, which hurts so bad because I love having a person who I get to spoil and show all my love to because I’m such a loving and caring person. So now I’m just trying to figure out what to do. I can’t stop thinking about it and it hurts to know that he thinks I’m always unhappy around him when really I’m the happiest I’ve ever been when I’m with him. I just wish my brain would shut up and let me live my life without constantly feeling like I’m going to mess everything up. I can’t stand this. I just feel so alone and misunderstood. I need a hug. I’m so sorry for the long rant I just needed to talk to people who actually know what it’s like.",2.1314170384533675,3.812501393881455,3.67574506054812,89.40976375610794,77.12619502868068,6.5609347779902265,22.138474612279587,7.3871296695380915,0.6936275249628219,1971,55,426,25,45,653,225,523,0.16699999999999998,0.669,0.165,0.6987,1,1,0,0,0,0,36.0,8,0,3,4,40,34,3,2,14,1,28,10,4,2,4,96,93,48,0,7,15,0,9,4,4,2,2,7,0,3,24,36,0,2,24,1,1,8,11,17,0,1,26,16,74,17,61,63,6,64,0,5,0,4,68,22,0,4,35,274,98,1,0.0,0.0,0.06344227980409649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05762916625551641,0.0,0.06510007152017061,0.0673327679867762,0.0,0.0,0.3245708752296204,0.0,0.0,0.04421035165487303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362324197120882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856451631249844,0.23778406790565385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364520497934233,0.05749778182303509,0.0,0.0,0.08188026832138677,0.145149661738197,0.0,0.0,0.06628401029714731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025481615213643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141256837261911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792364497738386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05880702585792486,0.0,0.0,0.05842854377548429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19723195535720706,0.1393336385494224,0.062421662011238215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068420129216434,0.0,0.06793211552631666,0.0,0.11084335888164452,0.10905786925099008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647586535563305,0.06418583578782122,0.06672101106426696,0.06910465697091671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402366973190818,0.0,0.13919326251942865,0.0,0.0,0.06785557948640883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786443226027014,0.10598682368891037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647911800585515,0.045919859073826036,0.12704620892597907,0.0,0.05740673811987116,0.05753352512836319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527083041515042,0.17602745460155866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081706652966728,0.0,0.0,0.0655167491431914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964110662546756,0.10028243900671716,0.0,0.0,0.12201861187793595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040160058993733,0.12412251467336155,0.0901421931803558,0.17029776708465566,0.0,0.0,0.06145730132604193,0.0,0.0,0.06614051983273549,0.0,0.062207650888323376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329663282129565,0.0,0.06419145215284483,0.1395969968311921,0.0,0.055519845434383576,0.2473649874454652,0.15510032310574762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05377855235432332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429847552023263,0.07277554932780306,0.04601578897369117,0.0,0.051918622904382636,0.054352896693722993,0.0,0.1359292001196987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488808914722399,0.052254138428047193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04319104719040505,0.08331405801262219,0.0,0.051612222075381416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863650971561708,0.0,0.1765553714384886,0.0,0.06350722322939058,0.06767972705556415,0.0782013645951928,0.0,0.0,0.053641662863023534,0.0,0.0,0.10429732093079888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952105561171525,0.06266919459848126,0.0,0.0,0.132045570909644,0.0,0.046182620131089216,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aneeshagg,2020/04/20,Chew and Spit disorder!! Hi. I am a BPD survivor. I was diagnosed with bpd and bulimia when I was 18.i am a 31 yr old female now. My bulimia has resurfaced and im vomiting my meals almost everyday. I've recently started chewing and spitting to prevent the calories as vomiting makes a lot of noise. Also my suicidal ideation is back because of the lockdown. Im also battling alcohol dependence. Please help. Is it ok to chew and Spit or is it as bad as vomiting?,1.7625757575757568,4.429035277777782,4.383131313131315,78.21045454545455,85.1111111111111,8.606060606060607,33.73737373737374,9.095868883498916,4.062222222222223,365,23,64,12,11,128,59,90,0.139,0.7490000000000001,0.11199999999999999,-0.6792,0,1,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,5,1,8,12,3,2,0,12,10,12,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,6,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,6,1,8,8,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,7,41,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083312525484744,0.1952039488792029,0.0,0.0,0.3117864126219678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989659509309305,0.1627665054545611,0.11883343072662755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4910394516746765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978596903390931,0.0,0.0,0.2234177830499124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066397062659665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4211366519960409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657307603959732,0.0,0.0,0.1301237623553684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20455642099242002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139852494547408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924794343834675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379793218149303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132323899608704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BudIsWiser,2020/04/20,"Its highly likely that I'll miss my wife's birthday because I'm in a psych ward. I checked in voluntarily last wednesday because I started cutting again and knew what my red flags were. They told me that I would probably be in here for two weeks; it took me a while to process but I came to terms with it. I had another doctors meeting today and apparently I'm a FUCKING SPECIAL CASE because they brought in the head psychiatrist, another psychiatrist, a nurse, and a student, and they also had to consult a neuroscientist from another city, and they'll be consulting another type of psychiatrist as well. Theyre taking me off my bipolar and ADHD meds so they can do a diagnostic and Im so fucking scared. I don't know if I can make it you guys. I feel so bad for my wife because she has depression too and if I miss my birthday because Im in the hospital I don't know how she'll handle it and Im so worried for her. I'm also worried for myself that my situation got the doctors so damn excited like what the fuck am I really this psycho? I just want to live a normal life I hate this and I dont want to be here like this anymore. I've been a good patient while here, never snappy or rude, very patient, and doing my best to be friendly with the other patients. I'm doing my best to cooperate as much as much as possible because I just want to get better but damn is this so hard. I can't even take benzos to help me through this because some asshole doctor prescribed me 90mg of xanax a month for me when I was 17 so no shit I got addicted, all I have is this medicine thats basically stronger benadryl fuck my life so much. I'm trying my best to practice DBT skills like mindfulness, opposite action, breathing exercises, distraction etc but when it hits a certain limit all my DBT skills completely fall apart and I self harm, even in the ward I just use my nails like WTF is wrong with me I just want to be normal.. I even made my therapist cry last Thursday, how fucked up am I?!?! I'm so sorry for this long ranting post I just needed to get this out somehow and I guess this kind of does the same thing as journaling for me. If anyone has advice or empathy feel free to let me know.",4.033279328800809,4.950174811659196,5.445631419065531,81.64510125849851,71.0627802690583,8.445421669318675,30.53059453204108,8.748949900417786,2.345096571676552,1730,72,352,30,31,583,217,446,0.184,0.6629999999999999,0.153,-0.9689,1,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,5,7,30,36,11,2,18,0,31,17,3,5,4,60,72,43,0,11,13,2,3,5,1,3,9,0,0,2,23,18,0,1,6,1,2,5,6,19,1,1,13,4,58,18,42,49,12,33,0,3,1,5,19,11,8,8,21,237,81,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033359306652584,0.08856173897179198,0.07200956732770238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786063653192105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090839307150241,0.0,0.0,0.07308123930782574,0.05152615649067778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152854377977895,0.3144475914858329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320011050955699,0.06517331640764673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428237505405275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726315545835294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809456254913615,0.0,0.0,0.06346957571834022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22627624766933846,0.06448711008815816,0.0,0.08636479344796459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218445927859938,0.14601576971719446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745203277102443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693314777877441,0.3406286998845497,0.07700055757044409,0.0,0.0,0.061808149758840185,0.117874153301721,0.0,0.08117846537670946,0.07296524503733574,0.0,0.0,0.06601227200416915,0.07275417680570467,0.07562777949439914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04939323243861542,0.07785812789338682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387953669329253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673738371483317,0.12149522216960885,0.12013529176792513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535359547663639,0.10409965080127802,0.1800074392045424,0.0,0.06507011903402476,0.06521383118358666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972779443628327,0.04918902440346937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185360544841046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440646390593539,0.0,0.05881910599301776,0.0,0.1625131328233011,0.05464062027256556,0.056834706664257134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440221556806798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307503991000434,0.07057519138721137,0.0,0.07945089275747172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0472080629411254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377711106202847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687533068718877,0.0,0.07564230608652278,0.0,0.08283128265675074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249055446485125,0.052158561242590384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081226806324716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556042575064914,0.04895673702998656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985003927848134,0.07041449286793723,0.08187292922467054,0.050031056509471865,0.0,0.07198497441934262,0.0,0.0,0.06364498817456858,0.0,0.06080243368629495,0.17385841814926006,0.0,0.059110126355949415,0.0,0.06625666788256084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967269171547165,0.0,0.05234766314292493,0.08056906476964415,0.0,0.0 bpd,savvysavvysavvy,2020/04/20,"Ebook recommendations? Does anyone have any good free ebook recommendations to work through trauma or begin meditation? My therapist is in quarantine and I would like to use this unique time to work on myself. Thank you for any recommendations. Stay safe and healthy out there. All of you matter.",5.438866666666666,8.98960422,5.124000000000001,73.16866666666667,76.8,8.133333333333335,24.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.364933333333334,241,8,39,6,6,74,41,50,0.045,0.6609999999999999,0.294,0.9254,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,2,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,9,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,6,9,5,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,23,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084256052292307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20997520502310954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627926296920411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25187554829670955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671033714496848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200775004176926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27647386926364,0.0,0.3486688928972892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510606293776854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593608829151897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4372407519236756,0.0,0.0,0.2133229421624914,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,footsiesuagage,2020/04/20,"Idk if I’m crazy or not Dating someone with bpd (She THINKS she has it)",-2.572708333333331,-1.1364311874999975,-0.23499999999999946,106.24666666666668,110.875,2.1333333333333333,11.583333333333332,3.1291,-2.033891666666667,55,1,14,0,3,18,15,16,0.226,0.774,0.0,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7644027477822688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5142468993103351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888940289238487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,beprouddammit,2020/04/20,"DAE feel like they have to beg for the smallest amount of compassion or care? I've already had 3 crying sessions about it and it's only 9AM. Why do people act like it's such an inconvenience to say something like ""hey, I hope you're ok.""??? I have to actually beg people to show an ounce of care. I'm sick and tired of having to drag it out of people. I'm sick and tired of having to beg for someone who says they care to actually show they care",1.831914893617021,3.3865370319148944,3.6797340425531937,89.60875000000001,77.61702127659575,6.402127659574468,21.324468085106385,7.1686216300943375,0.4414085106382975,347,9,78,4,8,117,54,94,0.171,0.595,0.23399999999999999,0.8053,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,3,0,2,9,0,0,3,1,6,4,0,0,0,7,14,4,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,5,9,16,13,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,2,3,40,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.302567206237068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710757130273479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6322398210066194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702894455356709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838610925471366,0.11075103721819604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397639789483153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272145047619072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790471847541155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322427783635164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246566756393804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135353889781545,0.11934705404538568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563605530360609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988739769977904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,crob0s,2020/04/20,"How to stop switching before it happens can I hear your advice and tips please this is a nightmare to live with. I'm not bpd but because of whatever reason I switch"" on people. It's always the same story, I'm getting to know someone well, im hitting it off with them and start to have feeling, but as soon as she develops the feeling or I think is is , I switch and hate this person /or just wants to get away from them as I'm bombarded with extreme emotions about this, I want to hurt them hurt myself even though a second ago I liked them. I assume this is the closest to what you guys experience and so any help would be helpful.",3.2027906976744163,4.604568077519378,4.168131782945739,88.1554534883721,73.65116279069767,6.4003100775193795,26.078294573643408,6.742157984588678,1.0055234108527134,498,17,102,4,10,161,86,129,0.114,0.738,0.149,0.2216,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,2,4,0,8,5,1,0,5,0,8,0,0,2,0,25,24,14,0,3,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,8,7,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,3,15,2,19,21,1,8,0,2,0,0,12,4,0,3,5,73,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685501233675331,0.1528973436350479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435211481395823,0.0,0.0,0.1172955600160948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620551215616749,0.0,0.0,0.10514511633545792,0.0,0.14677183724519174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21723853277621594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19402215318266666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392456545595013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872320468213814,0.0,0.0,0.17442696706939706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802323491100095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170787042735834,0.15252771463161013,0.0,0.0,0.17029300315469775,0.0,0.0,0.19440287435465164,0.0,0.23122581429112726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692970326302321,0.0,0.1863131527739645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479312006815993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426734727324854,0.0,0.15230721413466494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195792233537166,0.1506070502493837,0.0,0.18933648393733649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17734307336965766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614578795668606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220856097093862,0.0,0.0,0.14420499311917306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052127755159784,0.16946541317219524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20347197542644185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550845250146516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252823351360065,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdbruh2,2020/04/20,"I verbally destroyed a close friend with BPD? -- looking for insight I've been close friends with her for 2 years I was her only ""real friend"" she trusted and I guess her ""FP"". She started being always passive aggressive, controlling and bossy and totally not like herself when we first met. We got into a huge argument 3 months ago and I just snapped. I heavily criticized her behavior and insulted her, she was in disbelief as I had never acted this way and was always kind, quiet and understanding but she really just pushed me to my limits and I just exploded. I admit I take responsibility for my toxic rage but it just felt like I was being heavily devalued and being pushed into a corner until I couldnt take it anymore and this was when I never understood what BPD was until much later. Anyways 2 weeks later she messaged me out of rage and said she doesnt want to be friends anymore after I said those nasty things about her and then deleted / blocked me and cut off all contact 2 weeks later. She literally cut her self off from the rest of the world and deleted a lot of mutual friends we have in common, stopped doing things we use to do a lot together like playing online games and now hides 'offline' on all her social media /gaming accounts but I've heard from friends shes still active ""secretly"" but does things alone and talks to no one. I'm just wondering what she must be going through right now and why she is behaving this way? Is there any chance of reconciliation or am I painted black for life? I know what I did is probably unforgivable and she most likely will never trust me again but I do genuinely care about this person and had I had a better understanding of what BPD is I would definitely have been more understanding.",5.26686936936937,6.733902087087087,6.0506794294294295,76.39511824324326,68.66966966966967,9.153603603603603,30.391516516516518,9.516144504307137,2.87538048048048,1397,55,250,30,24,458,179,333,0.15,0.718,0.132,-0.6742,0,1,0,0,0,1,25.0,4,0,0,4,17,23,7,0,8,0,33,1,0,2,7,72,56,31,0,4,12,0,1,4,6,3,1,4,0,2,14,30,0,4,10,3,1,4,7,7,0,2,19,7,49,16,32,28,9,45,0,0,2,0,45,14,0,6,29,190,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856949444081326,0.0,0.0,0.10012426318800248,0.0,0.0,0.16087966630171882,0.0,0.0,0.06574107996861192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19174764270673494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549957490395374,0.0,0.0,0.36526947192746667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985647536939406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842719578723346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459935450937221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282141671456612,0.0,0.0,0.08223016065455124,0.0,0.0,0.4481367714279516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494159812098025,0.0,0.07731837625404434,0.0,0.1064964108570304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067024433468942,0.053129053529562716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828312860042683,0.1889185375839725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118112652956908,0.0,0.0,0.16437616740166724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771636128991522,0.0,0.07106591336548768,0.0,0.22368095690530568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550825118470982,0.07352431245080134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844112951327647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423004276803123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003524748369474,0.06193131692515407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255837065128786,0.183916671236142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085121421846703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854613642289972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842577698439914,0.0,0.07720332936643838,0.08082311029692735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537240600570356,0.07770224312862989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19267610283481235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30192058072828626,0.0,0.08349459155425634,0.0,0.0,0.05702034845157693,0.15346934688122466,0.15509079342660853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723251172134366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483794390141196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867385599868475,0.0,0.0,0.062254360736500376 bpd,psychofink7,2020/04/20,Ahhhhhhhhh Just saw my boyfriend liked a picture of some girls ass on Instagram 8 months ago (we had been dating for a month then) do I start a fight?!?!?!?!?!?!,4.596,5.354124600000002,6.38666666666667,75.99000000000002,69.66666666666666,8.666666666666668,28.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,1.8183333333333336,118,4,26,2,2,41,28,30,0.179,0.732,0.08900000000000001,-0.5897,0,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,3,1,3,2,1,7,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,1,7,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4391827511639791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420497605052727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7909201187272338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506790417345712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Feelinglost28,2020/04/20,"How to survive a divorce? I should’ve posted here a long time ago but I’ve just come to terms with the fact that my divorce is very really after 6 months of him telling me it is. It feels like I’m dying or should die. I’ve gotten treatment and yet I still wake up at 4am with suicide on my mind. I want to fuck my problems away but I’m not attached enough to any of the random tinder dudes I’ve been talking to to actually have sex with them. I can only think about him. I’ve been told I have Stockholm syndrome from him being a sociopath. I don’t know how to get over this. The pain is so real my heart physically hurts.",0.8766819747416754,2.741976955223884,2.6956716417910482,94.09508036739382,81.68656716417911,5.018599311136625,20.755453501722158,5.8734145424116955,-0.07200160734787575,488,14,111,3,13,162,91,134,0.203,0.763,0.034,-0.9814,0,0,0,0,2,1,9.0,0,0,1,1,8,5,1,0,6,0,11,5,2,2,1,22,22,7,3,3,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,4,1,15,1,20,16,2,15,0,1,0,2,9,5,1,2,9,69,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.18504226046081296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808713724225582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894844622933793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815470701548378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334127549975755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935922953660678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19592867112782789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587782513254714,0.13546492714863104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530110200075327,0.09906888792214444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247012122227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20299267315932204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421047091930036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263900097550523,0.0,0.0,0.1678081805210267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19146265601093845,0.0,0.1513532785518349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442149391999314,0.20176958728749456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18160402849621116,0.0,0.0,0.18144121513094152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21582964868021,0.1214757514517286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143118078204948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20741405656486672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524097797717184,0.16573667982993706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150116350187863,0.0,0.0,0.11056924175206392,0.0,0.0,0.18119051918932955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645677585517342,0.11184308715033002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gothvoc,2020/04/20,How long does it take to get over an ex for bpd people? It's already been 4 months. We are still friends but it breaks my heart to know that I fucked everything up. (He's bipolar and I did 2 suicide attempts when I was at his home so he decided to break up). I'm tired to cry for him everyday. He moved on in 2 weeks and I can't seem to move on.,0.08296703296703356,1.4449614358974363,2.219816849816852,98.99423076923078,82.07692307692308,5.995604395604397,21.399267399267398,6.868970318607317,0.12795750915750936,264,8,70,3,7,89,60,78,0.24100000000000002,0.735,0.024,-0.9694,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,1,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,1,0,5,4,1,1,0,8,11,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,0,8,1,14,8,0,17,0,0,0,1,8,7,1,1,6,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23725773963996574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707848518203215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23616729819432444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881478642660633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322804984249373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661083919852628,0.1987639461696781,0.11232857569807164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25477592063455623,0.0,0.0,0.21566243306426489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815832413895275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902681487978875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161087162219854,0.45702174383851496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905386195910816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957278371633113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716992005289547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351749983506469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616531702387993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471107611185816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245995386000812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,heterosexualvolcanos,2020/04/20,"Does anyone else have weird dreams? Ever since I could remember my dreams have always been vivid, but as I fall deeper into this hole called BPD they’re starting to take an odd turn. When I’m dreaming it’s like I’m in a parallel universe. Everything is the same give or take a few things such as time and people alive etc. It’s like a permanent lucid dream in my opinion so when I go to sleep in the real world, I wake up in the bed of dream world and vice versa. And if that isn’t odd enough, I can barely differentiate real life from my dreams, I’ll forget entire conversations that I had with someone bc I thought it was apart of the dream. I’ll repeat myself constantly through the day, and everyday feels like deja vu. The scariest part about it is that I am powerless to it. I can control dreamworld, but only to an extent and it freaks me out sometimes. Anyway, does anyone else have dream/reality confusion bc of dreams?",3.981428571428573,5.467393913043484,4.862888198757767,83.60695652173916,71.82608695652173,7.648447204968945,25.099378881987576,8.192908349453996,1.4709096273291928,736,22,144,11,14,239,116,184,0.094,0.743,0.163,0.9261,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,1,11,0,13,3,2,1,1,24,23,14,0,2,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,11,8,0,1,3,8,0,2,1,3,0,0,4,2,14,3,20,18,6,21,0,0,1,0,3,10,0,4,12,89,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161535861187415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195215069574606,0.28606158032861034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581405216038767,0.0,0.1425413214297134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085177619360496,0.15656680440729526,0.11145463770146698,0.0,0.0,0.09002673318381019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443197113839196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23322614187796836,0.0,0.0,0.14423816056882505,0.15568447201108232,0.0,0.12627097741058502,0.0,0.0,0.12545829726250834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058303951561834,0.09972614932278416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339115101047285,0.07933462065837693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859953641962572,0.20459607602181054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061677060177265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116695306506522,0.0,0.09677706594375753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4766664012364808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813305590043286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547379365711638,0.0,0.13969504821216067,0.0,0.11827774225167705,0.0,0.13806226775633176,0.0,0.09880551796761516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20991498389366986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274020688098096,0.0,0.0,0.11082222970322744,0.08139852097196347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183844210493055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kanoteardrops,2020/04/20,"Sleep Colour I wrote this, this is my outlook on how life is: I wish I could stop and stand still for one instance and let everyone and everything fly past me at million miles an hour. Stand still and watch your younger sister grow up into an angry teenager, then an adult, stand still and watch as your brother gets his first car then a girl friend, watch them get married, and get a house, watch as they have their first child, then another, watch as the people you love grow old and retire. Or watch as your beloved pet Labrador grows into a wise mutt, watch as you lose a beloved one in death, watch as you go from job to job - it slowly kills your soul, watch as an entire generation of children are born and then grow into adults and experience life and it’s temperamental change in circumstances, a bipolar change. Watch as you leave the life you had and let your life live on in the minds of people you loved and that loved you. A memory that strange and that strong can never change. I will never change. The earth is over 4 and a half billion years old, I was born right in the peak of the millennium, within the past 200,000 years humans have come in and out of existence, meaning is lacking in the majority. The memories you have are incredibly rare. The odds of you as a human existing are astronomically slim and yet here we are. For the past, present and the to come. One day when I am dead and gone someone else will feel this pain, searing loneliness of it all is sometimes too overwhelming.",7.597450980392157,6.8746752041522505,6.704622837370247,81.30978316032297,63.39446366782006,10.059607843137256,32.06943483275663,9.21078282632365,2.3956254209919257,1190,37,243,17,15,362,155,289,0.094,0.8079999999999999,0.098,0.5147,2,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,14,3,4,8,10,1,1,24,0,21,10,1,1,3,38,35,34,3,3,1,2,1,0,1,2,6,0,1,7,9,25,0,1,2,0,0,9,2,4,0,8,4,12,27,6,36,26,3,56,1,2,11,3,33,18,0,1,26,160,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471915374074654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4225837594821367,0.17205298558323345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973559457542173,0.0,0.0,0.06440588966177649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342598153242531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954271040510718,0.08975393158103141,0.09768899258793456,0.0,0.0,0.05049570604493778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16989347073681427,0.0,0.0,0.07715692034067065,0.0,0.1565290024820547,0.0,0.0567566615357448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834878128684987,0.11523299590281767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19820497997503145,0.0,0.1104879299576854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574462900834346,0.0,0.20424134587343248,0.28215578367723065,0.0,0.0,0.08818430363932853,0.0,0.0,0.1117255177743482,0.0,0.0,0.2704013329067511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878433267987814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083710162538333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404702201673592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20958702733125092,0.0,0.2030171910235723,0.0,0.10626542429798093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860027728690245,0.1384702701193876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528578818693655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099939024146074,0.0,0.08461690153026104,0.0,0.09877091913813917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239261509537906,0.08349320136789337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484200810194033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862202055591287 bpd,cryingovermybpd,2020/04/20,"I feel betrayed by my FP and I don't have the right to. Please help I don't know how to move past this. Okay so I'm together with what I would call an emotionless narcissist. We are in an only-sex open relationship because currently we are in different cities and he sees sex as a physical need. I haven't done anything but when he came to visit me recently I learned that he has slept with girls and actively searched for girls to hook up with. I don't know how I can move past the fact that only a week after we moved to different cities he started looking for girls. I get that it is only physical but I am not able to accept him actively making such an effort to find girls. I also found out that he went against some ground rules we have set and now I feel betrayed. I don't know how to trust him now. It feels like the second I turn my back he will go around looking for girls. I don't want to break up because he is my FP and without him I'm all alone. Please please help and share your opinion on how I can manage this situation. ( we talked many times about this and he says things that make the situation a lot worse so it's not an option :/ ) It's extremely hard because of my BPD because I go from the happiest to ready to kill myself when this comes to my mind. I want to forget all this and stop feeling betrayed. Please help.",2.4795369643697995,4.0731881010830335,3.5907110343745114,90.76971433056038,75.93140794223827,7.127860618427249,23.95683566159159,7.893859768569023,1.0509439334484387,1052,33,233,16,23,340,140,277,0.128,0.7070000000000001,0.165,0.8568,3,1,0,0,0,1,20.0,5,1,0,1,15,6,1,0,12,1,19,2,1,6,3,57,46,20,1,4,5,0,5,1,0,2,0,1,0,5,16,21,0,1,11,0,0,9,9,1,0,1,5,9,34,5,34,39,4,35,0,0,3,1,31,10,0,4,15,145,50,2,0.10013789557165123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371265980305082,0.0,0.0800802389098243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824049557538032,0.08914395752550093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699986055119278,0.0,0.24417252677654105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612017397927694,0.0,0.10225198746657373,0.11453107549420005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625993021973909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092455752155065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247583430454556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20253091523253444,0.07153853260488527,0.0,0.0,0.09152422240155048,0.0,0.0,0.10979603384747094,0.0,0.0,0.052317917396965695,0.0,0.11382134746415686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970388534500152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013609617562958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078774478647732,0.0,0.16509950572190205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048922317615826896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681812238134602,0.0,0.0,0.08513365784998471,0.0,0.0,0.1336856457551596,0.10152410884545314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111072842218603,0.0,0.0,0.31929220629080474,0.0,0.07425098072371185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152318763937269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19118590432441052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4396853539680292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887409115126976,0.10751062428269982,0.0,0.08551721567402443,0.0,0.07963367379940399,0.0,0.0,0.0797969378735608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22511838047177973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087811789253469,0.0,0.0,0.08371976457604642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804870473044258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652716823814127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05839121219545424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089212750613733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812785058314285,0.0,0.08032457960283132,0.0,0.0,0.09282883243356617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652935790193508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204907060726937,0.07113508791751824,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,potato_huntress,2020/04/20,"I show severe symptoms of BPD but I don't know if it's accurate to take online tests. I have been diagnosed with depression at age 10. More recently I was diagnosed again with uni and bipolar depression as well as generalized anxiety disorder. I always thought my dad might be BPD because of the way he acts: very drastic mood changes, extreme reactions to things, abusive tendencies. But for the first time today I considered that I might be BPD. I took an online test that indicated I show severe signs of BPD. But are these things ever accurate? And I haven't been diagnosed by my therapists yet. But I feel like my depression stretches way past just being depressed. I am constantly scared of commitment to people, but I seek the validation and attention. I can change my opinion about people I care about instantly. I get annoyed and angry very easily. I feel like I can't connect emotionally to people anymore. It's like I only want to socialize when I have the energy. Which I rarely have. I sleep all day. I am scared that people dislike me and want to spite me all the time. I assume the worst for every situation. I don't know who I am anymore. I see the world and myself in a very distorted, unstable light. I get jealous at people living normally or improving in life. But I also tend to be very apathetic. The worst part is I wasn't like this 2 years ago. I cared deeply about people. I had a clear vision of where I was headed in life. I was pretty active and ambitious. It could just be severe depression. I don't know. I haven't seen a therapist in a long time because I feel like it doesn't help.",3.0628846153846148,5.439039519230776,4.7288205128205165,79.68284615384616,76.88461538461539,8.647179487179487,26.746153846153845,9.2995712137729,2.6916684615384607,1278,51,235,35,30,430,161,312,0.259,0.578,0.163,-0.9924,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,2,12,21,3,2,13,0,31,9,2,0,5,42,49,19,0,5,10,1,3,5,0,2,7,0,0,0,13,9,0,0,9,2,0,2,8,12,1,1,10,6,44,8,28,31,6,30,0,5,2,0,5,9,0,6,22,160,57,3,0.0,0.08888994574789674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650333189737935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05999583805196581,0.062425116892820376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057392362922612634,0.0,0.14880524413125046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914666063229455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779551927494645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298182579063574,0.0,0.15872869868274886,0.0,0.0,0.08107317283125995,0.0,0.059899732924719486,0.0,0.0,0.04838360596747275,0.0,0.3230858493618603,0.2284401909390957,0.0,0.0,0.0859828176415366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439073787540506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786256704092067,0.06321008377545674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380159596386573,0.1607892636835562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381449575297779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078392805568401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699520627562312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05028631206225802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369197872779635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598187782649797,0.1832621558554004,0.0,0.06624665263079851,0.06639296324144722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15917502029171313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350657687327572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570583455910175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812425602234211,0.07161790917346261,0.3120688661944881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632532670695312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407612715699755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022215177059706,0.0,0.05978358989532934,0.0,0.0,0.2542637882331901,0.0,0.0,0.08432895606439539,0.07507714574630123,0.07647646501203134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797758647570703,0.05640793300054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421488965411824,0.0996838487499004,0.0,0.0,0.05955985410966766,0.13123948273236227,0.0,0.07111299867008976,0.0,0.08335327463250261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476072128539952,0.08850097713861332,0.11909947526318175,0.0,0.0,0.06745465548318827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048312329772930714 bpd,Saint1211,2020/04/20,"BPD Relationship - Advice? I’m currently in a 6 month relationship with someone I’m incredibly in love with. However, I’m finding myself being incredibly unhappy at the moment. I suffer from BPD (mostly abandonment related) & I’m kind of running out of ideas on how to fix myself. Recently (about a month ago) my boyfriend had to leave college & go back home 5 hours away. I won’t see him until August. Everyday it seems I’m in pain, wanting to cry, & experiencing excessive paranoia. I worry just about everyday that he’s going to cheat on me. I’ve went to the extent of checking his private twitter page, looking at Tinder in his area, checking his Facebook looking for “proof” that he’s being unfaithful. Of course, I found no concrete evidence. It’s getting to the point I feel rather uncomfortable talking to him. I’m quiet most of the time, not sure what to say because I overthink things he says or things I say. I’m just worried I’m going to mess up & inevitably lose him. Also just an FYI, I do go to therapy & take medication. My therapist isn’t qualified for CBT but is trying out workbooks with me.",4.845817757009346,6.440648850467291,6.333726635514022,73.4752628504673,69.8411214953271,9.275233644859815,33.46845794392523,9.673873057562805,3.5130757009345803,890,43,154,21,16,303,131,214,0.135,0.843,0.022000000000000002,-0.9303,2,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,0,1,9,9,1,0,7,0,7,3,0,1,2,24,30,5,0,2,7,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,7,5,0,1,5,0,2,6,4,6,0,0,3,9,20,3,36,24,4,33,0,3,3,1,16,14,0,4,13,90,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249001740416436,0.09297205541663266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387454013194323,0.0,0.5682010144280493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854061152523216,0.08064820961919904,0.0,0.06393543112208576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641918090625171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520856010211104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053031770412046056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586075378106768,0.0,0.0,0.11499830635667745,0.0,0.0,0.05479680533012432,0.0,0.2384286886682372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520575274993328,0.0,0.10328818820489832,0.0,0.0,0.11839963654052893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921903969637746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105548029939157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614985916894965,0.11733674943575105,0.0,0.0,0.09466059941189553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565813843567536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16743250711361074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160243168189428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914791408412092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355886844462442,0.2252092224940481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25022044863515397,0.0,0.0,0.08357781594056984,0.09548113758294867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888666472142808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885056542912628,0.0,0.07885862742871938,0.08430062361375495,0.0,0.0,0.1199423405195766,0.12177672842256115,0.13935861626331805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06115786038245205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712083691472461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061862447460933424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722717785742503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21302664837628424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,vAgInA__,2020/04/20,"Vent Someone just said that i don't seem like i have BPD because i am so ""wholesome and sweet"" and they were talking about how everyone with bpd are just incredibly manipulative and violent. And since im not manipulating him that i must not have bpd. And I got set off really bad and went on a whole rant and got really angry and then ended up manipulating him. He made me mad enough to manipulate him and i feel like I'm going fucking insane. I am so mad at him and myself and I proved his point. I'm sick of people trying to make us out to be monsters, because we're trying so hard to be better and this whole thing just set me off really badly",4.9788157894736855,5.010516458646617,6.68623120300752,76.73656484962409,68.62406015037594,9.657518796992482,27.15131578947368,9.516144504307137,2.1186849624060144,511,14,106,10,8,178,82,133,0.242,0.6890000000000001,0.069,-0.977,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,1,1,8,10,4,0,1,0,10,2,0,7,2,30,22,17,0,1,5,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,14,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,6,4,18,4,13,13,3,13,0,0,0,1,10,7,1,1,4,71,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23784947367290885,0.1736504010707837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596949361063214,0.0,0.0,0.5381642009543866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261524401150125,0.14717028867681056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609984113656065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201787834949297,0.10175342036102628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316760514849917,0.0,0.0,0.08094736495746829,0.0,0.2278316989168538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759105926788228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385095775984542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917012183889646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477256398593038,0.09507443900122067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987443868950439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464423985163185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27373668139748153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548541012160384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966470660308274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782118879015532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206821371166526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448141385871495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094625465028088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193403902108736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132811015276933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203585346662391,0.0,0.3180403925957888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DarkCinnamonDreams,2020/04/20,"DAE feel like they don't have it bad enough to have BPD? (almost like you are an imposter to have it) I look at the people around me such as friends and just feel like their lives are worse. I feel like I'm not 'allowed' to have BPD as if I'm faking it because nothing should be wrong, but I'm sure I do have it. My dad was never present when I was younger and then he died in my late childhood/early teens (cannot remember). I never cared about him because of how absent he was but I feel like I must be repressing something. I just feel like nothing has happened DIRECTLY to me so I feel like a faker for having this. Highschool was also terrible for me and I was bullied a lot in early years and unpopular, and acted out. But I just feel like it's regular teenage difficulties and all my fault. It's like my psychiatrist had said when I was younger that I just experience things that 'a lot of teenagers go through'. I feel like such a fucking imposter and like I don't have a reason to be sad right now but I feel so empty and it drives me to fuck so many things up. Yet because there is no big obvious trauma I can point to I just feel like an attention seeker. I don't know how to word it but it's like my experiences can't be bad enough to have this, yet I do have it. Unless I am just repressing how badly I feel about being left by my dad and bullied and messed around in highschool etc but nothing ever feels enough to be valid reasons why.",3.2025037752944705,4.2472705083056495,4.250892479613409,88.954599063727,73.15282392026577,7.200302023557838,26.306402899426153,7.520522993642371,1.1697760797342194,1137,38,250,13,22,370,140,301,0.195,0.6629999999999999,0.142,-0.9777,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,2,0,26,30,2,2,8,0,37,2,0,6,7,63,60,30,1,3,15,2,12,13,1,2,0,1,0,0,16,13,0,2,17,0,0,3,9,14,0,0,8,14,36,16,29,44,7,28,0,1,1,2,10,12,2,4,26,177,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151492011154485,0.0,0.0,0.05711303618228381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715451754131324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889341431747674,0.13060744960012927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989721703766526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281552217042607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412072195918155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22138199442635198,0.07965007036303964,0.0,0.0646017686005766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972122985778224,0.0,0.0,0.4333337030649541,0.4591900038063136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05517745406338092,0.13204978241203796,0.0,0.0,0.04058855733033522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315479816743172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039249525111058614,0.0,0.0805627380128617,0.0,0.07759598469075528,0.0,0.0,0.4535866493902849,0.0,0.06306349892772291,0.0,0.05997322467815799,0.0,0.0,0.12143424513484673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240675328646078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016409731491876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055828060110512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04951232459072799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751319763514002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685942200213944,0.0,0.0,0.08090279567698548,0.060990675096494175,0.06793497650027383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05498114969082808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731072279039277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489403674153403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444373524181944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278115476808833,0.0,0.07808449108647372,0.0,0.045990920836573086 bpd,hannsoolo,2020/04/20,"i ate an entire pizza today, by myself. suddenly realizing that people in my life would lose a lot of weight off of their shoulders if i disappeared. figured this out when i took my break at work and i genuinely ate an entire pizza because i could. i immediately started crying and picturing myself getting fat and everyone hating me or leaving me because of it. i of course had to tell my coworker what happened bc i needed validation (which i did not get, thus forcing me to admit to myself that they really didn’t care and didn’t need to hear about that stupid shit). it’s true though, the world is better off without me. hear me out now, everyone would be able to stop pretending to like me, they wouldn’t have to validate me, they wouldn’t have to continue with their intricate plans to ditch me out of nowhere or expose me for the piece of sh that i am. they wouldn’t have to keep hearing me complain about my mental illnesses that i can’t afford to treat. my cat could lead a normal cat life instead of having to comfort their owner who literally cannot pick a mood (im sure my stress stresses him out). they’d be living their best lives. all of them. they could just go on fine and dandy without having to hear me constantly obsess over how much i hate my appearance and myself. dunno if this fits here but i feel like most of these thoughts are stemming from the bpd. idk. the world would be better off. let’s be real. for once im not doing this for validation, this is genuinely how i feel and im fine with it.",3.639282560706405,5.289414158940404,4.751274834437087,83.41059878587197,72.97350993377485,7.814790286975717,25.49724061810155,8.472884824447931,1.6940326710816789,1204,39,236,21,24,395,163,302,0.08199999999999999,0.807,0.111,0.7758,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,11,7,10,22,4,3,9,0,31,11,3,5,3,56,54,16,0,14,10,0,3,2,0,6,4,4,0,0,16,13,6,2,6,1,0,5,11,9,0,0,8,7,48,12,44,31,6,28,0,1,0,0,21,14,1,8,10,175,64,2,0.09913565626084424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086435182543255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040367550618072,0.17535486357812546,0.0,0.0,0.1248578886523659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107540860307387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713042583086788,0.0,0.2374552643475491,0.0,0.10889586335074347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18945673584490624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025193299733552,0.07082253264098788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035885774459422,0.0,0.05634107803513284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766533343093201,0.0,0.0,0.19575187287854975,0.0,0.0,0.4469323582640297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212505615772109,0.0,0.0,0.08811632629289858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497034592147576,0.0,0.10137292517292004,0.14004489161339378,0.09686534822725927,0.0,0.17507720145548755,0.0,0.0,0.11090744143708677,0.0,0.08428158982835353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990542455573424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287611404652555,0.14701566594815332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713189464279996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557623847998697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872818170805367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283808038205988,0.06350883991425466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176132653409617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016872774984809,0.0,0.0,0.08288184763490616,0.2271191186047553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343418280354517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866489331529035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740027893706024,0.078702637510849,0.0,0.0,0.09396901050724872,0.0,0.11014336177964662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207205220244158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19112646994262072,0.0,0.07217193845786217,0.0,0.0,0.2112693776003147,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Leonfreak17,2020/04/20,"Afraid to be happy Every time my life starts to get better I get uncomfortable, I'm not used to it. After waiting years I was finally approved for SSI and have been able to pay my own bills for the first time. I'm living with my boyfriend and I love him a lot, we have 2 cats who I love and also a pet mouse... Everything is great and I don't feel suicidal anymore... But it feels weird? I have been suicidal for years so to not be able to have that as some kind of safety net ""oh I can just kill myself if x happens"" and now that I don't want to die I just feel kind of lost? What do I do now if I have all these years ahead of me? I didn't plan on lasting this long. Tldr not suicidal anymore but lost because happy is not normal for me",0.6238333333333337,2.2988595499999995,2.656250000000004,95.01708333333336,81.625,5.7666666666666675,19.416666666666664,6.742157984588678,-0.010533333333333506,568,14,136,6,15,191,93,160,0.08199999999999999,0.733,0.185,0.9498,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,1,0,0,7,6,13,1,1,3,0,18,3,0,1,1,27,34,12,5,4,10,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,8,7,0,1,3,0,2,0,7,5,0,1,6,3,20,8,19,26,4,15,0,2,0,2,5,1,0,4,14,92,28,1,0.2590210780181472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356953125468717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25687930835408873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894842250656814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145415471912073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441149241427808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911821485888976,0.0,0.1163957215735924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19645325963784385,0.0,0.0,0.14187246505930529,0.0,0.11016159832062844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532782256373685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427858264698707,0.0,0.0,0.11452574193060043,0.27573275402769226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143284222830805,0.2697305935185176,0.0,0.10556837483377438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914771237837744,0.0,0.0,0.1143601786880795,0.11461275156404048,0.0,0.0,0.2827521044278652,0.1101052289248119,0.2337766357694507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689283053780673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916682260977083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4249905277945647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510372735847133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185552336915984,0.0,0.0,0.07638867140991319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502016228560883 bpd,bbygmariah,2020/04/20,"I hate my FP right now, why? Everything he does annoys the hell out of me I want an hour when he gets home and an hour before he goes to sleep of just me and him time. But lately he hangs out with his brother, games on his computer, sleeps early, goes on his phone, moves ALOT when I try to cuddle him It makes me question why I even look forward to him coming home because he ignores me or annoys me. I’m quarantined and he’s not because he’s “essential” (he sees maybe 1 person a day). Texting him through the day means nothing because he still takes a while to respond and when he comes home I feel bad and let him do what he wants because he has to go to work and I don’t. So everyday I barely get to spend time with him. He thinks it’s because I’m cooped up in the room all day but I keep busy and I just miss him. I tell him everything that annoys me and he continues. I finally told him to leave me alone all day because I want nothing to do with him. I keep telling myself to stop and be reasonable but everything ANNOYS ME, I don’t know why and I don’t want to be like this anymore. I just want to love on him but right now, for some reason, I can’t allow myself to. Is this normal? What is this and how can I let go.",1.264881798644403,2.806007057034222,2.957778145147959,94.22337245825756,79.19011406844106,6.094825591006777,21.70094230451314,6.895973343053719,0.3439298727062328,948,27,222,10,23,314,126,263,0.115,0.82,0.065,-0.9044,0,2,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,12,11,6,0,8,0,14,4,2,5,2,51,41,22,0,6,9,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,8,18,0,4,7,1,1,7,5,9,0,0,1,3,43,2,27,36,4,38,1,1,2,2,38,11,1,4,23,133,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814026807275457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397405013719312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911861529433951,0.34658002136900184,0.0,0.08063171526121249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16325051718427286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444431815316977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292299055167136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258648318039273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554859893931377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047912275974038264,0.0,0.0,0.10380228933186574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901384166786947,0.0,0.10770582466737494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935534854578934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28514871485412063,0.0,0.18663424357439093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16844976917406546,0.0,0.0,0.052076283907853,0.0,0.10689066951206766,0.10033458772338442,0.0,0.1937920765002931,0.0,0.046293763699390346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957249588044697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552240907009986,0.0,0.06325141567483321,0.0,0.09519671820050464,0.10321877595634542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071230384161536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284230244479633,0.18184489353032776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827386576332937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615016786930408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19485313346050656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184489891633164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550951724859566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18965201125028333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567352007279812,0.07922157385688229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124590204969722,0.0,0.16564459054124156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06071682653231768,0.0,0.0,0.11050780548560196,0.0,0.0,0.09054492159450804,0.0,0.06433417190743218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794523577233266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565119126694819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898464158424363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lacsquirt,2020/04/20,"When you're having an anger episode and start being mean to the people you love and realize but you can't stop and so you just start rage crying too *inserts crying angry pepe meme* Alright, so I'm constantly having these what I like to call ""anger episodes"" where everything just upsets me for absolutely no reason at all. They've definitely been chaotic for my loved ones, but I never mean to do them obviously. I'm still learning how to control them and it's been getting a lot easier, but now that I have my disabled aunt who's been living with us for a while, the outbursts are much more frequent. I feel bad because I know she's disabled, but I also can't really control my anger either. I'm still a senior in highschool, so I can't just leave right now and I'm afraid that if I actually do leave that I'll end up impulse killing myself because I often try and do something but family is there to support me. However with these frequent outburts on my aunt, my mother is trying to get me to move out. I'm so lost. I'm not sure what to even do anymore. I just feel like a burden, but I also know that if I actually do kill myself, I'll be an even bigger burden. I'm trying to get better, but it's so difficult.",4.071481218993625,4.872099819277106,5.523959366879282,81.54654854712972,70.88755020080322,7.947176943066382,27.900070871722182,8.124751697461798,1.794831608788094,961,33,191,13,17,325,133,249,0.258,0.618,0.124,-0.9936,1,0,1,0,0,2,24.0,1,3,2,4,23,21,6,2,8,1,19,2,0,4,4,43,41,25,2,2,15,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,9,0,3,9,0,0,1,6,13,0,1,4,2,29,8,19,35,5,24,0,1,0,2,14,8,0,4,17,134,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.2302309744708063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867094591730466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169882240138929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849470440201746,0.14381906891481785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432924525966054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045405620584435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747677758365564,0.2646124852623193,0.0,0.0,0.25915501865097784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448076345805778,0.0,0.0,0.1558277312483665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060181050545358,0.0,0.11120561265575507,0.0,0.11929191232011885,0.08427324143786857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848933850239418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610185595031396,0.0,0.12965945298151565,0.0,0.0,0.2498129048985029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526214290442766,0.0,0.10416404722009147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877123792162462,0.1002884605154834,0.2129335648701768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25699395240264433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253766709594545,0.08671684173212066,0.0,0.09098082432614156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993520917570078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178112861381175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557052254349138,0.12128625931205173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074029618968164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090814166197377,0.0,0.0,0.1669905301191876,0.0,0.18841181592731024,0.09862287743873682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338637303378524,0.11117932601856867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402686860000362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189572341421045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,stranger2Me,2020/04/20,"How would you define BPD to someone who knows nothing about it? If someone asked you about BPD, how would you explain it in the most simplest way?",5.082857142857144,6.445201571428572,4.19857142857143,89.89642857142859,69.0,5.6000000000000005,31.857142857142854,3.1291,1.2125857142857144,116,5,22,0,2,34,20,28,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,8,5,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,0,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501938078868474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6741301455063891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147080029974198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567939797549787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4535166024246558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124287432191049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802270933778271,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,saratheenglish,2020/04/20,"DAE feel like they have trauma they don’t remember? I’m hesitant to post this but it’s been eating away at me for a while and I was curious if anyone else might have gone through something similar. I’ve always struggled to understand why I have BPD, I know that not everyone who is diagnosed experienced some sort of trauma as a child, but I can’t make sense of it in my head. I have such a severe fear of abandonment, a distorted sense of self, constant feelings of guilt and humiliation.. I had night terrors as a kid. All of these are classic symptoms of childhood sexual abuse. Something that I only remembered recently sends a shiver down my spine. I remember when I was young, maybe 3 or 4, I was at a family friend’s house, my parents talking to their friend in the kitchen while I played outside. Their neighbour, an older man whom I talked to once or twice, starting talking to me and invited me into his house, to see his basement.. I remember going inside, and I remember coming out and my parents were freaking out, not knowing where I was and upset with me for going with this man. I can’t remember at all what happened while I was in the house. Every time I think about it though, my body feels like I’ve been dunked in ice water, almost paralyzed.. in fear? I can’t stop thinking about it. I guess I’m looking for validation.. does this sound crazy? Like I’m just searching for a reason when there’s none? Do you think my reaction to trying to remember means anything? I don’t know what to do.",4.274206471494605,5.7114079661016985,5.279545454545456,81.09392526964564,71.03389830508475,8.617873651771957,29.680277349768872,9.095868883498916,2.5353728813559315,1190,48,227,24,22,391,163,295,0.188,0.7509999999999999,0.061,-0.9912,2,0,2,0,1,0,37.0,0,1,4,0,9,16,0,6,11,0,23,8,3,2,2,49,47,19,0,1,8,2,3,3,3,1,2,1,1,5,14,12,3,2,19,1,0,5,8,10,0,1,10,7,38,6,40,36,4,34,0,1,2,0,23,14,0,8,17,154,52,0,0.0,0.09683599042190727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818402017607861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680054191805222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057147106173736285,0.0837414423942219,0.06725634345551451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678747428521135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078295374330377,0.10293533514127287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040265285306864,0.0,0.08832046101172564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295363424076321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152196045734828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362959370927096,0.06827443763145273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886055577543106,0.07809595696938569,0.0,0.0,0.07704721725023404,0.18393662447633047,0.12397454137286852,0.11677501856933227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262878841548091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289741821462577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003416314863517,0.0,0.07227305038057304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387795711547537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28291430969120257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474904463686274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978658926922478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863212320240092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05455501810378857,0.0,0.08210818097018796,0.08902729102377786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670199205707098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766975180017065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703915794339748,0.0,0.062158901781896765,0.0,0.0,0.1815016831799512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827418596934194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840314490205748,0.08069793585217401,0.0,0.6480844525341359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512776096084325,0.0,0.08526160273019184,0.09233097382321084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583859079249554,0.0,0.0,0.057848499484701825,0.0,0.0,0.06832944922831932,0.0,0.08544132827512797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849481541872094,0.0,0.19707301997951268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571067241105153,0.08029873373202984,0.0,0.04765707822153704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05548890685933985,0.0,0.0,0.08508320172315208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374808342347255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,techtay,2020/04/20,Diagnosis Q Any psychology experts in here please PM me!!,2.7360000000000007,5.329054600000006,6.420000000000003,57.94000000000002,103.0,10.0,35.0,8.841846274778883,5.4330000000000025,46,3,7,2,2,17,10,10,0.0,0.735,0.265,0.4374,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5266378267311911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8500897596465024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wholeassmeal,2020/04/20,"BPD makes me compare myself to other women...all the fucking time. I'm so sensitive. It doesn't matter if they're real or not; if they exist, I compare myself. I view myself as so average, so ugly and unlovable, that any beautiful woman that exists, especially in the media, or in real life, is so hard for me to process. I think it's worse in the media, because their presence as sexual symbols or main characters often drives home the idea in my head that ""you don't look like them, you're worthless."" I sometimes feel that anyone who's with me is only with me because they were settling for me, that I was all that was available, that they secretly would want me to look or be different. I'm so hypersensitive to images, sexual scenes in movies, don't even get me started with porn--I'm so not into it. I'm so afraid of my partner (who loves me unconditionally) seeing things too and it training him to not want me either. Does anyone else feel this way?",4.703056355409299,5.7875024812834255,5.92160427807487,78.22819827231594,69.64171122994652,8.106787330316743,27.75359934183464,8.384062270229773,1.9716584944467304,752,25,139,11,13,252,107,187,0.08900000000000001,0.856,0.055,-0.7568,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,5,0,10,6,1,1,4,0,10,4,1,1,1,30,26,17,0,5,10,0,3,1,1,1,1,0,1,2,16,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,3,7,26,2,19,21,3,10,0,1,4,2,13,6,1,7,3,99,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789998489069327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424536873563584,0.17764172897306071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21137385977064552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21835796451696732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18113849849171415,0.0,0.0,0.15172039496734155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448313857363354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451161957104153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753257905004208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602810881524866,0.09058054385847396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530868056379638,0.0,0.17793131929322234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17390784451242894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19571767744260987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245889228049398,0.0847015775271592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29118029688029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647643188397498,0.0,0.11572821607837888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318584259824583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946741982932235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381563026674912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714709114170653,0.0,0.12271471774492272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518170791570015,0.1110907944993444,0.0,0.0,0.10109553323937463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20452046799695828,0.13761588406457534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17668249761781185,0.12315962239282224,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ragerdemon,2020/04/20,"How do you guys find out who you are? Sticking to a job? As a 25 year old guy, I really do not know who I truly am. Also, my career choices and job interests always changed before. I thought I wanted to be a chef, I failed. I wanted to be a doctor in college, I failed and dropped out. I went back again for Computer Science, I failed again. I dropped out mostly because of anxiety, can't focus, and my interests are always changing and my BPD makes me think ""This is perfect job for me!"", when it's not. I feel so behind in life and feel like I never really ""grew up"". I still feel like a kid. I hate it. Any help guys?",0.6554919499105551,2.5946648294573684,3.0071317829457382,91.17703041144905,82.87596899224806,5.829695885509841,21.55098389982111,7.010146845296331,0.5813477638640432,469,15,103,6,13,161,78,129,0.14300000000000002,0.7390000000000001,0.11900000000000001,-0.6295,3,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,0,4,8,9,1,0,5,0,9,2,0,2,2,24,20,10,0,2,2,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,4,5,8,0,0,7,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,2,3,21,5,14,16,1,18,0,3,0,0,9,6,0,1,10,71,26,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161242964422668,0.24165252173746435,0.0,0.0,0.09874770455058836,0.0,0.11108516827075572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165744201548526,0.0,0.08851860105707628,0.0,0.1235629210402041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828867729404724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30722561861317016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862847532125492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202674501165337,0.20747594863219895,0.0,0.0,0.13271920861491998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4313418624242741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336470332078285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733112826673236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4322952282382786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980355788944345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102566039560715,0.14188443468207626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692872904156324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199481895046402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523733524545466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860503474866506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596480560159235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304463409119004,0.0,0.11528043243097245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129711057245364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346110226774372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351040816379652 bpd,pubertino12,2020/04/20,"My FP finally ghosted me I've known him for 6 years. He was, is, like a little brother to me. I fell into some hard times recently and me being the idiot that I am I roped him into my struggles a bit too much. When I was more cognizant during my depression I would tell him that he would be better off mentally if he just gave up on helping me. I guess he finally took it to heart and cut all ties with me. I don't blame him, and a big part of me is happy for him. With the debt, lack of job, and lack of friends I have now I don't really have anything left. I don't even know why I'm sharing this here. I think I'll be dead soon.",0.6528333333333299,1.9486293785714324,3.0357142857142883,94.07761904761908,80.21428571428572,6.3809523809523805,20.952380952380953,7.1686216300943375,0.3298095238095233,483,13,119,6,12,167,89,140,0.166,0.7020000000000001,0.131,-0.6327,2,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,7,9,2,1,5,0,15,1,1,0,1,20,21,6,2,5,2,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,3,0,1,2,3,4,0,0,4,1,25,5,14,12,8,18,0,1,0,0,15,8,0,3,9,82,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243663758291107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382962028972792,0.20223397199112889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15954683700376804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234919354343615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40584246764946624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311587159620456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20406261168579606,0.0,0.0,0.19719129652749032,0.16593854744572092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21951014941240846,0.12416238671492863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18382199768076127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180299347544926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20126367136524467,0.0,0.0,0.09049884842363604,0.18565902378336016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18667822991471048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617262559830756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005967382870021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186694103133091,0.0,0.18290203375869432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19365294221641646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190781968959345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869423529253433,0.0,0.0,0.10801486354847677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20580832227392654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715017926441295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631781915812942,0.0,0.0,0.1192884092382659 bpd,ThisIsMyFifthAcc,2020/04/20,"Anyone else struggle a lot with shame It has infected my life pretty severely. I'm so lonely a lot and have been for years now. I'm riddled with shame and its embarrassing that I havent killed myself yet. It's sad that I hold myself in such little esteem that I am still here perpetuating my useless existence and believing that I could be capable of something. Forward backwards forwards backwards. Loneliness drives my addictions and addiction has kept people away, so that my life is disgustingly lonely and empty :)",6.585115207373271,8.652810645161289,6.974224270353304,68.72419354838713,66.20430107526882,10.04546850998464,33.715821812596005,10.290406445055957,4.0345434715821815,422,19,64,11,7,137,64,93,0.32,0.574,0.106,-0.9716,0,4,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,7,10,2,4,2,0,9,5,0,0,0,12,12,7,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,8,7,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,10,0,0,2,0,10,0,6,8,2,12,0,4,0,0,0,7,0,2,6,49,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604142162741517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476553833377583,0.216369219823388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19840171638178075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379169363794611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860252940966425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640592736216446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23362896532342114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298312059180475,0.0,0.21164840316787412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35905936051002285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639909512485572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148364026428013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385626542902756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625694335742987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864110235530938,0.0,0.0,0.22076134600756528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359869335582366